# Angel's Journal/blog



## angelpixie

I decided I needed a place to post some random thoughts and feelings so that I don't threadjack or derail other members' threads.

I'm currently 21 months post ILYBINILWY. D is not even filed yet, though I have retained a lawyer. STBXH has been openly involved with his last EA (and I'm not exactly sure when that turned from friend to EA) since Jan/Feb, if you count when he told me vs. when the pics of them arm in arm showed up on FB.

I'm just emotionally and physically tired beyond measure. I can't concentrate on anything. I push myself to do anything, even go to work, but many things I just postpone. Stupid easy things like refilling my meds or paying bills. My mood is flat. I don't cry. I can laugh sometimes (like Bandit's thread has been like being thrown a life-saver while I'm drowning, and a few other contacts with people, and especially my DS), but then when I get up from the computer, or when DS leaves...

I'm hoping it's my thyroid. I'm sleeping more, plus the poor concentration and depression can all be symptoms. Luckily, I have an appointment with my endo this month. Made it back in April for another issue. 

Tomorrow, I have an appointment (that I almost forgot if it weren't for a good friend who knows my schedule better than I do) to see if I can buy out STBXH's share of the marital home. We'd agreed to put it on the market back in March. I wanted to start doing the work on the inside (which wasn't that much) before the holidays, because having lived with him so long, I knew the house wouldn't be ready. He 'held' me to not putting it on the market early and wouldn't do anything that might interfere with his holiday entertaining. Seriously. (He's living in the marital home. I'm living in a shabby rental 1/4 the size, plus I'm storing the inventory for my little online business here). 
So it's now August. The house isn't done. And it isn't on the market. I'm so tired and I need this like a hole in the head, but I know that I can work on the house at night after work and it will eventually get done. I need things to move forward. I subordinated so much of my life to him and I just can't do it anymore. I think that's one reason I feel so bad. 

I never wanted to split. I wanted to try counseling, read books, do whatever we could to salvage our relationship. He wanted out. And that's what 'won'. 

He is on disability for depression and OCD, so he doesn't work. I am really torn about this. I've seen him have really difficult times. But I also know people with a whole lot more going on in their lives who can't get the help he's gotten because they are not well-dressed young college educated men who seem like a 'winning bet' for all kinds of programs that pay for everything. It's hard for me to respect him at all, especially since I've been out of the house and have had experience with (mainly) women who are so much worse off than he is, and yet they are knocking themselves out. They'll take any job they can, just so they can hold their heads up high. He only wants to do 'important' jobs that befit his education and 'class.' 

I want to be done with him. I need to be done with him. I still care when I see him crying. I don't want to have to figure out if it's something truly bad or if he's just being dramatic, and dare I say it, weak. Not because he's depressed. I'm being treated for depression, too. But his character is weak. I can't be hardened with him and not have it overflow to my other relationships. So I need to be done.

I guess I have to decide if being done with him is worth the upheaval of moving back into a place that still triggers me, especially now that he's been playing house with posOW, and they've done their collective best to remove all traces of me as if I never existed there. 

I have to tell myself, It's a building. It hasn't been 'home' for me since I moved out almost 13 months ago. I can deal with it. Think of it as a business transaction, like I'm just 'flipping' the house. The check for the purchase price at the end is my prize and I think I can stick it out. I will be sleeping in my bed, not 'our' bed. I will bring in the furniture I have here not using any of 'our' furniture. I can do this. 

Packing and moving back, then moving again when the house sells feels like it's too much for me. But I have to remember that I'm lucky that I have what I do. I know women who live in tents. I can do this. 

Slow and steady wins the race.


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## MyselfAgain

Oh Angel... I know how hard this is. I have been stuck in my marital home as stbxh left and I got stuck with contracts and bills. It isn't easy at first. But when you make it your own, and remove all traces of him, it does get much better. Having family and friends over provides new, happier memories.

I can relate to the disrespect thing. My ex didn't even have the education, or the mental illness, and still felt entitled. What a crock. You are such an amazing woman, one I would be lucky to count among my friends. I am so glad that you are about to take the steps necessary to surgically remove this man from your life.

The thing that helps me each and every day is expressing gratitude. Even when you don't believe it at first. You are blessed, and some silly house is not going to break your spirit. Houses and money can't be taken with us in the end...only the soul, the love we have given and the way we have treated people matters. Hold onto what you know to be true, and know that you can get through this. We'll all be there with you. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Thanks, MA, you are a sweetie! ((hugs))


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## Orpheus

Dear Bookie Cookie, thanks for finally coming out of the closet.

I didn't realize your were 21 mos. down the road. wtf? saw his legs off and feed him to the fishes. "metaphorically". if need be.

good luck with the meeting tomorrow. the best part is you'll get closure about what you can and want to do about the asset. but it's just a structure. it's not your marriage and it's no longer your home.

what are you doing other than late night dancing to get out in the sun and get your girl on? mobility might do you some good to shake off that flat-line stuff you've been experiencing. you maybe need to talk about having those meds reviewed.


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## angelpixie

Thank you for checking in, Orpheus. Yeah, until tonight, I didn't realize it had been that long, either. It feels like it happened just a couple of months ago. No wonder he feels like he's moved on. He started when he made the speech, the 'working on it' phase when we still lived together was just to appease me for some reason. And here I thought there really was some inner struggle for him. Gah! must stop this.

As for mobility, I do walk in my neighborhood, and up into town when I can. I've wanted a bike forever. I have one that needs work, and we have a free place in town with parts and tools, but I have to get the hours together when they're open (inconveniently at the same time I work) to go down and fix mine. I'd love to ride along with my son. That's one of the things I love about my location now. But STBXH and pos OW are the ones riding with him. I have a friend who told me just before she left for vacation that she has a bike that someone gave her before they moved away. When she gets back, the bike is mine if I want it. I hope that works out. When I lived in MN I didn't have a car for a lot of years and I rode everywhere, in all kinds of weather. I was working out at our local women's health club because I had a two-month trial membership, but that expires in a week. Renewal is too pricey. I did enjoy that though. I liked doing the weight circuit. I'd go on my lunch hour when I got the chance. Earlier in the spring, I was doing contra twice a month and my strip tease fitness class at least twice a month. But contra's down to once a month in summer, and somehow strip tease fitness night is now my make-up night to try to finish things I should have done earlier in the week. I don't know if how I'm feeling is affecting how much I do, or if not doing these things is making me feel worse, or some of both.

And meds are definitely something I want to look at. I started a new A/D this spring and it was like a miracle drug. The fastest and best any one has ever worked for me. But I feel now like I'm not taking anything. So, maybe it needs to be upped or something. I have a call in to my psychiatrist to ask him.


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## unsure78

hey angel-hugs- sorry you are feeling so blah.... why havent you filed yet? I agree get thoes meds checked. I wish i had something else to tell you right now but its the middle of the night and im not thinking straight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YellowRoses

Hi Angel

Why is it there is always a 'winner' and a 'loser' during a separation/divorce ? And why is the winner always the wrongdoer and the loser more innocent ? Or so it seems 

I'm not sure of your back story so don't know why YOU moved out of the family home especially when you care for your son most of the time. 

Without looking at any other issues it seems to me you should reclaim your home one way or another - you have been working on it. I'm sure you could quickly erase their dodgy decor and presence as you have a strong personality of your own to make its mark again. If that means buying him out so be it but maybe you just need to shake it up anyways and move back in there with all your stuff regardless. If there is no divorce filed or other agreement and you own it jointly I don't see why you can't. Surely the posOW can't live there without your agreement ? Let them rehouse themselves. Make them squirm or at least give them an incentive to move things along. Save your rent money for your future.

He is cake-eating big time living in the home at no cost to himself. No wonder he has no urge to get it on the market

I know people say houses are just B&M but they usually do symbolise our lives with our partners and what we do with them can mark milestones in moving on. 

I think you need to use yours to drive an agenda that will both improve your lifestyle and move things on for you

PS I am 100% with you on the inertia and the struggle to find motivations for simple things. I let my boys camp indoors last night (we're British, it rains) and just pitching a 2 man tent took me so much effort.


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## bandit.45

Angel just have faith. You are stronger and better than Chinless...you know this. He's garbage, lower than pond scum. 

Buy that house back and put it on the market again immediately. Housing values can only go up from this point on. You may end up reaping a good amount of equity down the road. 

I'm always thinking about you and hoping the best for you. We all are.


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## jh52

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Angel>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


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## jpr

Hey Angel...

I am so glad that you started this thread. Man. This has been such a long journey for you! I did not realize it was really that long. Wow.

I so identify with those feelings of having no energy to do anything. ...no motivation. I often have to push myself to get things done. I got through phases with this. Phases of "lethargicness".  For instance, I need to drop some paperwork off at my lawyer's office. It isn't a big deal, and it will only take me 10 minutes...but, I just don't do it. I haven't gotten my haircut in 5 months because I just don't want to pick up the phone and schedule the appointment. I make excuses and say that I will do it tomorrow.

But, on the days that I force myself to do these things--get this stuff done--it makes me feel better and sort of gives me more energy.

I am so sorry....but, you are probably right. Your medication level probably does need to be adjusted. ...and hopefully that will help get you back to a better place.

Angel...in the time that I have been on this board, I couldn't help but notice how much stronger you have become. Several month ago, it seemed like you were taking the lead from Chinless. You were just sort of floating and taking whatever nonesense he flung at you. I can see you are getting better at sticking up for yourself and fighting for what you are entitled. For instance, there is no reason he should be in that house. There is no reason you should be suffering in that small little rental home. I am so happy to hear that you are going to try to reclaim what should be yours.

Oh gosh....I can't tell you how special I think you are, Angel. You have given me so much inspiration....you are an amazing, amazing, amazing woman. I would like to jab Chinless in his chinless, chin. ....and knock some sense into him.  ...tell him to suck it up and get a job... He is not entitled to this life that he is living. He is not entitled to live in _your_ home. 

It is _your_ home, Angel. Not theirs. They are squatting in it right now. You can reclaim it. It will be hard, but, ultimately...I think it will bring you a lot satisfaction to kick those degenerates to the curb!


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## angelpixie

Thanks everybody. I really, really do appreciate it. Please send good vibes my way -- I've got my loan appointment in two hours. I'll let you know how it goes. [deep breath] I can do this.


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## YellowRoses

Yes yes of course you can (says Yellow, slouching on the couch watching the Olympics )

I AM sorry if I'm speaking out of turn Angel, I just noticed from your count that you have a long history that I don't know -I'm sure there's good reason why you moved out of the house. But things do change and with the type of STBX you have, I suspect you will have to make any changes happen.

Is it completely out of court for you and your son to put him on notice you are moving back in and I mean without buying him out first ?


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## angelpixie

*I got approved!!!*


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## angelpixie

...with a few conditions, all doable. STBXH has to follow through with buying out the loan for our better car, thus reimbursing me the money from my mom's inheritance that was used as the down-payment, and we have to have our agreement for DS' support in writing, and (the toughest) figuring out who pays closing costs.

I got the loan for the outstanding amount of the mortgage and $20K to pay him off. I'm willing to pay the $6500 closing costs in return for a.) him not getting another penny when I sell the house and b.) not getting any of my retirement.

He, in turn, needs to find a place to live in DS' school district. Hey, wait -- I know of a shabby little 2BR house that will be opening up!! DS won't even have to pack and move, lol. 

In order to keep the place looking nice while it's on the market, I'll have to incur a short-term expense of storage for my shop inventory. Also doable. 

         

Let's go to Vegas, TAM'ers, I'm feeling lucky!! :smthumbup:


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## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> ...with a few conditions, all doable. STBXH has to follow through with buying out the loan for our better car, thus reimbursing me the money from my mom's inheritance that was used as the down-payment, and we have to have our agreement for DS' support in writing, and (the toughest) figuring out who pays closing costs.
> 
> I got the loan for the outstanding amount of the mortgage and $20K to pay him off. I'm willing to pay the $6500 closing costs in return for a.) him not getting another penny when I sell the house and b.) not getting any of my retirement.
> 
> He, in turn, needs to find a place to live in DS' school district. Hey, wait -- I know of a shabby little 2BR house that will be opening up!! DS won't even have to pack and move, lol.
> 
> In order to keep the place looking nice while it's on the market, I'll have to incur a short-term expense of storage for my shop inventory. Also doable.
> 
> 
> 
> Let's go to Vegas, TAM'ers, I'm feeling lucky!! :smthumbup:


I logged on specially to say :woohoo:

And f*ck you Chinless!


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

angelpixie said:


> *I got approved!!!*


Congratulations sweetie!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78

Yea Angel! So happy it went well for you today


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## Orpheus

You know, what happens to TAMers in Vegas... gets retold in the yarning sub-forum. 

Better put "mercy kill" those curtains on your shortlist. xx


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## bandit.45

I'm going to Vegas next Monday for work. 

Maybe I'll see you all there!


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## jpr

Orpheus said:


> You know, what happens to TAMers in Vegas... gets retold in the yarning sub-forum.
> 
> Better put "mercy kill" those curtains on your shortlist. xx



hmmmm...that gives me idea for a new adventure. ...Orpheus thinks his yarning career has come to an end due to a severe case of carpal tunnel syndrome. Angel serves as his support, takes him to see a world-renown Carpal Tunnel specialist at Cedars-Sinai, and helps nurse him back to health. Orpheus eventually regains his form and reputation as the most proficient yarner the world has even seen.

The story ends in triumph when Orpheus and AngelPixie go to Las Vegas for the Semi-Annual Yarning Enthusiast convention, where Orpheus is the key-note speaker.

Perfect.

....oh, and somewhere along the way Orpheus fights Chinless in a duel of crochet hooks to protect Angel's honor. Of course, Orhpheus is the victor, and Chinless is so mortified that he never shows his face in public again. 

Yes. perfect. A perfect and happy ending for all.


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## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> Better put "mercy kill" those curtains on your shortlist. xx


Yes, I think a bonfire is in order. :FIREdevil:


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## TBT

Good for you angel...nice to see things going in your favor!


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## angelpixie

Since it's been asked...I moved out of the house because I got a place first. Simple as that. He and I both had requirements due to the businesses we have. He needs an area to use as a photo studio, and I need storage for my vintage inventory. The only requirement both of us had was that the place be in the school district where we wanted to send DS to school. As usual, I was much more motivated, so I found a place first. I stayed in the house at first when he first gave me the speech -- he'd conveniently just rented a studio that conveniently became his bachelor pad. After he moved back into the house, and months went by of him leading me around by the nose with false promises of 'working on it' I told him I was done. And I didn't really want to stay in that house anymore. It had become such a symbol of the abusive relationship. It just feels so overwhelmingly dark when I'm there, as opposed to place where I"m living now, which is very bright, even though it is tiny and not cared for by the rental company. 

It was our first house, and I took a lot of pride in the work I did in it. Even though I'm not a spiritual person, I want to have some kind of cleansing ceremony before I move back in. I used to hate all-white places -- felt they were sterile and without warmth. Now it just seems like a blank slate, and I'm looking forward to painting over the rooms that I originally painted years ago. I might do something really crazy and actually use the Master Bedroom for myself, and that way I won't even have to use what used to be 'our' room. (We kept the Master as our craft/hobby room) 

This house will merely be a stopping-off place on the way to something better. That's my plan, anyway.


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## Orpheus

jpr said:


> a duel of crochet hooks to protect Angel's honor.


ftw!


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## Lifescript

angelpixie said:


> Since it's been asked...I moved out of the house because I got a place first. Simple as that. He and I both had requirements due to the businesses we have. He needs an area to use as a photo studio, and I need storage for my vintage inventory. The only requirement both of us had was that the place be in the school district where we wanted to send DS to school. As usual, I was much more motivated, so I found a place first. I stayed in the house at first when he first gave me the speech -- he'd conveniently just rented a studio that conveniently became his bachelor pad. After he moved back into the house, and months went by of him leading me around by the nose with false promises of 'working on it' I told him I was done. And I didn't really want to stay in that house anymore. It had become such a symbol of the abusive relationship. It just feels so overwhelmingly dark when I'm there, as opposed to place where I"m living now, which is very bright, even though it is tiny and not cared for by the rental company.
> 
> It was our first house, and I took a lot of pride in the work I did in it. Even though I'm not a spiritual person, I want to have some kind of cleansing ceremony before I move back in. I used to hate all-white places -- felt they were sterile and without warmth. Now it just seems like a blank slate, and I'm looking forward to painting over the rooms that I originally painted years ago. I might do something really crazy and actually use the Master Bedroom for myself, and that way I won't even have to use what used to be 'our' room. (We kept the Master as our craft/hobby room)
> 
> This house will merely be a stopping-off place on the way to something better. That's my plan, anyway.


Congrats Angel.

This post almost brought tears to my eyes. God damn it I need to man up. It got me when you were saying you'll paint the white walls again. It's like we are put in situations we never wanted, to start all over again.


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## angelpixie

Hang in there, my friend. Just remember, every time we have to start over, it's another chance to do it right, using all the lessons we've learned along the way.


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## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> ftw!


I hope you do! Win, that is.


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## Lifescript

Thanks pixie.


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## TBT

angelpixie said:


> Even though I'm not a spiritual person


That surprises me,as in your posts I find you very aware and reflective of your journey in life and how you're in touch with the world around you.It's probably just me lol as I know people can have very differing views on the subject.


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## MyselfAgain

Dollystanford said:


> I logged on specially to say :woohoo:
> 
> And f*ck you Chinless!
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm with Dolly on this one...I want to tell your ex to take a hike. I never got to do that (mine took off without a peep all on his own) so I'm living vicariously through you this time. When are we all meeting up in Vegas?! I need a vacation!!!


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## OldGirl

Hi Angelpixie,

I just wanted to take a moment on your Journal/blog to tell you that I've been thinking about you a lot today, and that you've been a real inspiration to me. I've been an Angelpixie fan since way back in March when you told us all about the belly dancing class you were taking that morphed into a strip tease fitness class. I just think you're wonderful - you're so brave.  You've been through so much, and you just keep holding your head high and plowing through it all. I wish I had your guts!

Anyway, I spent 3 hours online today trying to decide whether or not to order an adult hula hoop and DVD. I know how pathetic that sounds, but money is tight, so it was a really hard decision to make. I spent hours on YouTube watching these perfect 20 something year olds with their perfect figures doing hula hoop dancing, and I just got more and more discouraged. I began to feel that maybe it was silly for a woman my age to even think about taking up hula hoop dancing. Then I thought of you, and the bravery you showed in going to that next strip tease fitness class after all the negative emotions the class brought out in you because of the stupid hateful things your ex said to you. Well, I thought that if you could be that brave, the very least I could do is hula hooping in my own house! So, thank you Angel for posting your story and your struggles. I don't think I'll ever be as brave as you are in this lifetime, but your story has helped me be braver than I was before.


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## angelpixie

Oh wow, OG, I don't know what to say about what you wrote about me, but I do know that I'm so glad to see you back on TAM!! I've missed you! And I hope you got the hula hoop -- I have a friend who had so much fun taking a class with them that she went ahead and got a set, too. And I admire that! I tried doing regular hula hoops with DS and his friends at their sock hop last school year and I was lucky if I could get 3 rotations before I lost it, lol. My friend told me the weights actually help _keep_ them from falling. Interesting! Tell me how you like it!!


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## heartsbeating

Keep on keeping on, TAM's graceful angel.....


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## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Oh wow, OG, I don't know what to say about what you wrote about me, but I do know that I'm so glad to see you back on TAM!! I've missed you! And I hope you got the hula hoop -- I have a friend who had so much fun taking a class with them that she went ahead and got a set, too. And I admire that! I tried doing regular hula hoops with DS and his friends at their sock hop last school year and I was lucky if I could get 3 rotations before I lost it, lol. My friend told me the weights actually help _keep_ them from falling. Interesting! Tell me how you like it!!


Thanks, Angel! It's great to be back. I'm REALLY GLAD you're still here - so many have left 
I ordered the hula hoop and DVD. They should arrive sometime next week. I'll let you know how it goes


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## Lon

Hula hoops used to be so easy to spin when I was a kid, so impossible now lol. Now I can only jump through them!

This needs pics, or videos from both of you OG and AP, put em on youtube!


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## angelpixie

I will if you will, Lon!! (praying he doesn't call my bluff)


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## Lon

angelpixie said:


> I will if you will, Lon!! (praying he doesn't call my bluff)


it's on


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## OldGirl

Lon said:


> Hula hoops used to be so easy to spin when I was a kid, so impossible now lol. Now I can only jump through them!
> 
> This needs pics, or videos from both of you OG and AP, put em on youtube!


Yay! Now I have a goal to work toward. I've gotta get good enough to put a video up on youtube :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

Got a very friendly high-five today from STBXH. Don't ask me why. High-fives are not part of our usual interchanges. In fact, any on-purpose physical contact is not part of our usual interchanges. He was in a hurry, dropping off two things he was supposed to have brought with when he dropped DS off with me for the day (things I needed for the sleepover tonight). For years now, it's almost a foregone conclusion that he will forget what he's supposed to do/bring/buy/say, etc. I've had to take to start telling him things as far in advance as possible, with frequent reminders ahead of time, and more often than not, he still forgets. 

So I'm not sure why he was so happy to make the extra trip to drop the things off. I was getting ready to leave with DS, who was already in the car. He could have just dropped the things in my garage, and said hello to DS. Instead he dropped them inside the back door and made sure to yell 'hello' to me. He proudly showed me the things he brought over, then held up his hand to high five me with a big smile. I kind of did it back to him then he gave another smile and walked out the door. He walked over to DS and waved at him then jumped in his running car and drove off. I just stood there looking after him, thinking WTF was that? Whatever. This is still the person who is forbidding his mother from seeing me when she comes to visit. Mustn't forget that no matter how many big charming smiles I get. Oh, or high fives.


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## angelpixie

Getting my free can of paint at the hardware store today reminded me of this scene from the movie Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House.


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## abandonmentissues

Maybe I am just bitter, but If my stbxh highfived me right now, I'd punch him square in the testicles.  But maybe that's just me...haha.


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## angelpixie

That probably would have knocked the big grin off his face, LOL.


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## Orpheus

mmmhmmm. If you ain't eatin' Wham, you ain't eatin' ham. 

WHAM! - Careless Whisper - YouTube


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## Lon

angelpixie said:


> That probably would have knocked the big grin off his face, LOL.


If bandit was still here he'd say punch him in the chin, but you'd miss and hit his testes anyway.


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## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Getting my free can of paint at the hardware store today reminded me of this scene from the movie Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House.


LOL. I knew exactly which scene you were referring to before I clicked the link. Great old movie.


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## OldGirl

Orpheus said:


> mmmhmmm. If you ain't eatin' Wham, you ain't eatin' ham.
> 
> WHAM! - Careless Whisper - YouTube


Sexy sax segues into sappy song. 

Sorry


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## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> mmmhmmm. If you ain't eatin' Wham, you ain't eatin' ham.
> 
> WHAM! - Careless Whisper - YouTube





OldGirl said:


> Sexy sax segues into sappy song.
> 
> Sorry


Surely you posted this because you saw my post in the 80s music thread in Social --



angelpixie said:


> One of the most stupid lines from an 80's song; just heard it tonight at the grocery store:
> 
> "Guilty feet have got no rhythm"
> 
> Careless Whisper -- Was this by Wham! or George Michael?


Why must you taunt me? Now this will be going through my mind as I go to sleep. Or try to, anyway as my poor brain will be too tormented. :slap: I hope you're proud of yourself, Orpheus.


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## Matt1720

try THIS version instead


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## unsure78

Ha angel your not the only one with wtf? ex yesterday... ex came over to put DS to bed... on the way out he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "im doing it to annoy you".... um wtf? we didnt do that when we were together
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr

That is strange behavior too, Unsure. It sounds like your ex is just being a little, immature, dweeb.  But, Chinless' behavior is really, really strange. As she described his behavior, it made me wonder if he was high or on home sort of medication. Really weird. 

Was there a full moon yesterday?? :scratchhead:

:crazy:


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## unsure78

my exs wasnt totally out of character for him (since he seems to oscillate back and forth from nice to a$$) I agree reading about chinless made me think he was high or something too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78

what are you up to today jpr?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orpheus

AP, wow. Um no... I don't really stray from this forum so I missed the 80s thread. Wham was because of that quote from Mr Blandings. The song was just sorta rando.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldGirl

Matt1720 said:


> try THIS version instead


Oooh Sergio :rofl:


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## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Ha angel your not the only one with wtf? ex yesterday... ex came over to put DS to bed... on the way out he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "im doing it to annoy you".... um wtf? we didnt do that when we were together
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Beware of impending 'junk' photos!  

How are things going with the engineer, unsure? Inquiring minds want to know!


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## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> AP, wow. Um no... I don't really stray from this forum so Imissed the 80d thread. Wham was because of that quote from Mr Blandings. The song was just sorta rando.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Ha! Joke's on me -- I totally missed the Mr. Blandings reference -- I was connecting it with the songs you were posting on your thread.


----------



## Orpheus

your Wham came first. mine was the rabbit hole afterward.

ladies first and all...


----------



## angelpixie

Well, you've redeemed yourself nicely -- I am playing 'Freedom' while i'm eating breakfast and waiting for my guest to leave.  My schedule is really tight this morning before I get to float down the sometimes lazy/sometimes crazy river. And of course, I'm expecting STBXH to be late and my friend to be early. I was hoping for at least a few quiet minutes to help me gear up for meeting a whole bunch of strangers and revealing my bathing-suited self to all of them. Yikes!!


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

angelpixie said:


> revealing my bathing-suited self to all of them. Yikes!!


well dang, if you can show a bunch of strangers, you should be able to show your friends here


----------



## Lon

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> well dang, if you can show a bunch of strangers, you should be able to show your friends here


with the hula hoop.


----------



## angelpixie

I don't think they make one big enough for me to hide behind.


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

angelpixie said:


> I don't think they make one big enough for me to hide behind.


i for one wouldnt want you to hide!


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Lon said:


> with the hula hoop.


ah, a vid would be in order then


----------



## angelpixie

Well, big surprise -- guess who called 25 minutes after he was supposed to be at my house picking up DS? That's right, Mr. High-Five himself. 'Uh, what were we doing today? Are you on your way here?' No, dumb ass, I told you multiple times I had a tight schedule today and I needed you at my place at 11 and no later. Grrr. So he left his place (a 10-15 min. drive) then. Just enough time to turn my legs to hamburger by having to shave too fast. Double grr.

But he did see me wearing my swimsuit top & matching shorts. Dawned on my after he left that it's the first time he's seen me in a swimsuit since before we were married. Me, notorious for my body issues, is wearing a swimsuit again -- just not for him. Someday, these things just may sink in, but only if he discovers this thing they like to call 'empathy.' 

I'm not holding my breath. I'd be a hell of a swimmer if I could hold it THAT long.


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Well, big surprise -- guess who called 25 minutes after he was supposed to be at my house picking up DS? That's right, Mr. High-Five himself. 'Uh, what were we doing today? Are you on your way here?' No, dumb ass, I told you multiple times I had a tight schedule today and I needed you at my place at 11 and no later. Grrr. So he left his place (a 10-15 min. drive) then. Just enough time to turn my legs to hamburger by having to shave too fast. Double grr.
> 
> :2gunsfiring_v1: *How annoying! What a * :loser:
> 
> 
> Me, notorious for my body issues, is wearing a swimsuit again -- just not for him.
> 
> 
> :yay::yay: *That's our brave Angel! *
> 
> :


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> Someday, these things just may sink in, but only if he discovers this thing they like to call 'empathy.'


s'been almost 2 years, kitten. why do we care what he gets? you gotta get off that kick and get back to Iron Angel... the sassy billionaire industrialist playgirl.


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> Beware of impending 'junk' photos!
> 
> How are things going with the engineer, unsure? Inquiring minds want to know!


Ha! I know im wating for the pics to come in... Engineer and I are excellent, he has his kids this weekend and is traveling for work this week so i wont see him till next week sometime. We are both taking a day off in the middle of the week next week so we can have a "unsure and engineer day of nothing". it will be nice
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

ha ha so i didnt get junk pics, instead he tried multiple times to grab my boobs and slap my a$$. told him no..... um a week ago today he told me all communication would only be thru text and about.child and he wouldn't be around my house anymore, what happened to that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Ha! I know im wating for the pics to come in... Engineer and I are excellent, he has his kids this weekend and is traveling for work this week so i wont see him till next week sometime. We are both taking a day off in the middle of the week next week so we can have a "unsure and engineer day of nothing". it will be nice
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wonderful!! :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> ha ha so i didnt get junk pics, instead *he tried multiple times to grab my boobs and slap my a$$.* told him no..... um a week ago today he told me all communication would only be thru text and about.child and he wouldn't be around my house anymore, what happened to that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WTF??? Before I saw this, I was just going to post that, if he did send 'junk pics,' you should put them on the web. Then I thought, 'Oh, that's too mean,' so I didn't. But after seeing your next post, I'm thinking that may be totally appropriate!!! 

Again, why?! What does he think he's going to accomplish by this? Why annoy you (further)?


----------



## unsure78

i dont know... hes just emotionally unstable and im guessing horny....i told him no several times, he thought he was being funny... i told him to go feel up the guy he was now living with... i hate to do it cause i dont like being a b!tch and rubbing it in his face but if he tries again i may have to inform him about the engineer
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Well, I am back from tubing -- started out chilly, but ended up glorious. Couldn't find my sunscreen, so I'm a bit pink today. Dispels my assumption that I am 'tan-proof' and 'burn-proof.'  

Photos were taken. Depending on how they turn out, I may post a link. That's all I can promise for now. (I think enough of me was hidden behind the inner tube.)

This was my first experience with a meet-up.com event, and they seem like a nice group of people. I asked a friend of mine from contra dance along, and she is going to sign up for the group, too. I wish I could go on the next outing -- a trip to our local observatory next Friday night. I've been there once and the star-gazing is fantastic. But I have DS with me, so I can't. Oh, well, there will be another time.


----------



## jpr

ummm...Unsure, that is harassment.

Continual unwanted sexual advances = harassment. 

I would clearly tell him to stop harassing you.

Really.

That is crazy.


----------



## unsure78

oh jpr im aware what it is....i just dont understand why he thinks its ok... maybe he is using it as a way to still try to insert dominance or control over me? i tend to not like conflict, so i was trying to deal with it in the least confrontational way possible, but if he does it again i will have to step it up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

sounds like you had a fantastic time angel 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> s'been almost 2 years, kitten. why do we care what he gets? you gotta get off that kick and *get back to Iron Angel*... the sassy billionaire industrialist playgirl.


When was I ever Iron Angel?! I must have slept through that phase of my life. Figures.  

I know, O, I am pathetic. It seems like such a simple thing, but it just dawned on me at the time. I mean, isn't my husband the person I should be the most comfortable wearing a swimsuit for? Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? It's just a reminder of how F'd up things had gotten. Which is good, because then I know there's no going backwards. Sometimes I just need to remember to stop there and not take it the next step of wanting him to be better. It wouldn't matter anyway, right?

And -- it's been almost 2 years since he left/detached/whatever, but actually only a little over a year since I moved out and the first couple of months after that were very rough. I held onto the promises from him in the meantime. I don't want to beat myself up any more than necessary.


----------



## jpr

I think I would probably be the same way, Unsure. I don't really like conflict either. ...although, I think I am becoming more assertive in my daily life. So, that is good. 

...Tubing is so much fun. I am glad you went Angel! You are awesome....trying all these new crazy things. Inspiring! Yeah!


----------



## Orpheus

c'mon babydoll, everybody can read through the lines and see the strong, levelheaded do-gooder within that is just aching to get out. Stark it up, AP!










"only a little over a year since i moved out..."

he hasn't been your husband in a long time, his just the guy you're married to.

peace. i'm audi, yo!


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

unsure78 said:


> if he tries again i may have to inform him about the engineer
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


or inform the engineer about him and his sexual assaults and harassment pushed on you.


----------



## unsure78

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> or inform the engineer about him and his sexual assaults and harassment pushed on you.


yes im considering that option as well... i am assuming ex would be getting a beat down then....while it would be very satisfying im not sure for the long run if that is the best option
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

angelpixie said:


> This was my first experience with a meet-up.com event, and they seem like a nice group of people.


hey, thats the group my exgf started going to before she broke up with me, lying to me about what the group was.

youre doing good angel. keep it up.

when he did his high five, should have moved your hand at the last minute and said...sorry i wasnt there for you, but you know, sh!t happens.


----------



## angelpixie

I decided to make the 20 block round trip walk to get some ice cream at the best place in town. (Guess I'm not sunburned enough, lol). Was greeted with this as one of their special flavors (all made fresh on-site): NUTELLA BANANA!!! (Bustanutella's favorite flavor,  ) OMG. OMG. OMG.


----------



## Matt1720

in the words of barney gumble "just hook it to my veins!"


----------



## angelpixie

Hopefully, my lawyer's assistant will be able to schedule a phone meeting for the two of us, and I'll finally be able to discuss the house refi. The more I think about packing and moving twice in a short period of time (cuz hopefully the house won't take too long to sell, right? Thinking positive) the more intimidating this all seems. 
All kinds of crazy ideas are running thru my mind -- letting STBXH keep living there and pay me rent so that I establish a history as a landlord. That may allow me to buy duplex in the future and count part of that rental income when I go for a mortgage. Without a landlord history, they won't do that if I want to buy a duplex. That would give me a little extra money coming in, too. Duplexes are everywhere in this college town, so that might be a good choice for me. 

But letting him rent from me has the downside of doing the work on the house. Although, if *I* own the place, I wouldn't have to pu$$yfoot around so much with when I wanted to come over and do things on the outside, like painting the front and back decks, working on the yard, etc. 

Just brainstorming and journaling...


----------



## Orpheus

do NOT rent to ex. get him off your property and out of your life. that's a more important goal than establishing a credit history to begin your real estate empire.

baby steps, IronAngel.


----------



## jh52

Orpheus said:


> do NOT rent to ex. get him off your property and out of your life. that's a more important goal than establishing a credit history to begin your real estate empire.
> 
> baby steps, IronAngel.


Could not agree any more with Orp. 

Get your exh -- out of any day to day interactions and especially having him rent from you.

Only talk with him about your DS -- 

You have to detach -- and him being your renter is not even close to starting to detach.


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, I know. I was looking for a good excuse to prevent me from packing and moving twice.

When I told some of my work friends on Friday, they all volunteered to come over for a painting party and sage cleansing ceremony. They all know STBXH and agree that cleansing 'him' out of the house before I move in is not a bad idea. I'd feel pretty horrible if people thought of me that way.


----------



## OldGirl

Orpheus said:


> do NOT rent to ex. get him off your property and out of your life. that's a more important goal than establishing a credit history to begin your real estate empire.
> 
> baby steps, IronAngel.


:iagree:


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> baby steps, IronAngel.


----------



## Orpheus

o...m...g!!!!!


----------



## angelpixie

:biggrinangelA:


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> Yes, I know. I was looking for a good excuse to prevent me from packing and moving twice.
> 
> When I told some of my work friends on Friday, they all volunteered to come over for a painting party and sage cleansing ceremony. They all know STBXH and agree that cleansing 'him' out of the house before I move in is not a bad idea. I'd feel pretty horrible if people thought of me that way.


Then having a painting party --- turn something negative into a positive. 

Just hold off on the alcohol beverages till painting is done !!


----------



## angelpixie

Already have two social invitations for this weekend!  And hopefully, neither will lead to sunburn. OW!!


----------



## Orpheus

...trading up to rugburn?


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## angelpixie

Just spent a gut-wrenching 3 hours on phone with STBXH discussing the property settlement. Didn't hear from the lawyer today, but ended up having to tell STBXH that I am able to refi in my name. 

I am drained. But in the end I think it will be the best I could get. He's terribly scared about his future, and has brought up that living where we are hurts his chances at employment in his field (which is not easy to get a job in anywhere, but I digress). There was even one crazy point where he asked if I'd be willing to move to another city with him (but not living together) so that he could get a job and I (he assumes) would get just as good of a job as I have now and subsequently we both would have better resources for raising DS. I thought that was truly bizarre because there was no mention of posOW moving there, too. Just the 3 of us. 

My head is spinning. I need a hug.


----------



## Matt1720

*big hug*


----------



## angelpixie

Thank you, sweetie.


----------



## Dan Carruthers

An Eternal Celebrity's Hug...viz Jesus' Hug.


----------



## Lon

(hug)


----------



## Dollystanford

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Dolly hug<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jh52

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<AngelP>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


----------



## OldGirl

((((((hug))))))

My hula hoop came yesterday. You should get one too, Angel. Hula hoop your worries away


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

angelpixie said:


> Just spent a gut-wrenching 3 hours on phone with STBXH discussing the property settlement. Didn't hear from the lawyer today, but ended up having to tell STBXH that I am able to refi in my name.
> 
> I am drained. But in the end I think it will be the best I could get. He's terribly scared about his future, and has brought up that living where we are hurts his chances at employment in his field (which is not easy to get a job in anywhere, but I digress). There was even one crazy point where he asked if I'd be willing to move to another city with him (but not living together) so that he could get a job and I (he assumes) would get just as good of a job as I have now and subsequently we both would have better resources for raising DS. I thought that was truly bizarre because there was no mention of posOW moving there, too. Just the 3 of us.
> 
> My head is spinning. I need a hug.


that is...quite bazaar.

is he by chance wanting to come to tennessee? 

((HUGS)) to you angel.

dont let him start playing with you now or fantasizing getting back together now that he is getting scared about things the way they are moving.


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

OldGirl said:


> ((((((hug))))))
> 
> My hula hoop came yesterday. You should get one too, Angel. Hula hoop your worries away


yeah! video t!me


----------



## Orpheus

::shakes head::

"move to another city with me and take care of me there..."

gag. would you like some cake to go with your cake?

cakesucker.


----------



## OldGirl

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> yeah! video t!me


No, not video time yet! I gotta get good first


----------



## unsure78

Angel I agree with the others.. he made his choices now he needs to deal with them...


----------



## abandonmentissues

So...he isn't with you...but he wants you to uproot yourself to another town with him?


:rofl: Sorry, but no.


----------



## angelpixie

What I heard last night is someone who is very scared of the mess he's gotten himself into, and someone who is dealing with that fear by a.) changing history so that he is nothing but a martyr and victim who has only lost in this marriage to me, and b.) being in denial regarding his irresponsibility in how he lives his daily life. I hear all kinds of things about how horrible his days are, but he neglects mentioning all the time he spends doing things with posOW (as if I didn't know about them), how many parties, barbecues, etc., he goes to (which DS tells me about), etc. I know he's not sitting home in a morass of depression day in and day out. And he's also apparently having it really rough with DS. Which makes me sad because they used to be very close. DS adored his Dada when he was younger. There were no problems in their relationship until after I moved out and they were living alone. STBXH blames part of it on living in the marital home. Funny, he told me I was lucky to be living there when he had his first bachelor studio. 

I broke down more than a couple of times, but I stood my ground over what I think I deserve after all this time and pain. 

I'm still not sure if I'm buying the house from him at this point, or if we're just going to try to get it on the market ASAP. He has a possible place that he could purchase and use as a house and business place, but it needs conversion before he and DS could live there. So it would kind of behoove him to stay in the house until it sells and the place he buys is converted. Then neither of us have to move twice, which is expensive, not just inconvenient. 

I'm going over there to work during the day if the library is closed again tomorrow. I also confronted him about what he does all day that he couldn't do more on the house. Why I'm always blamed for not doing more when I have a full-time job, as well, and my business. 

I didn't let him give in to his self-pity. I let him know that I spotted all the organic food and that I know how expensive that is, how expensive it is for him to eat out as often as he does. I'm trying to hold him to the truth and not let him get away with trying to B.S. me.


----------



## Orpheus

...c) somebody checking the fridge to see if there are any leftovers after OW leaves for France.


----------



## angelpixie

That would seem the obvious conclusion, but after he was done devaluing everything I did while we were married (such as telling me he didn't need me to take care of him when he was sick & out of work -- the reason I had to leave school) -- things that up til now he still admitted were true -- I'm not sure what he wants. 

Yes, I do know -- he wants me to give him my money, pay his bills and outstanding debt, give him full custody of our son, announce to the world that he was in no way at fault for the break-up of our marriage, and that I'm sorry for the way I ruined his life...and then just disappear from the face of the earth. 

It really hurts to be so negated. But then I think of what kind of mental and emotional gymnastics he has to go through to change history like he has, and how he can't dare have me see his mother because he wants to change what she remembers, too. If it wasn't so painful, I could pity him for being so weak and purposeless. But I'm not there yet. 

Yet he did thank me again (twice) for my positivity, and for how much it helps him deal with all of this painful stuff, and things we have to discuss about DS. As if I'm trying to be a certain way for him. Maybe I'm more positive in general, not because it has anything to do with him? In fact it's because I have less to do with him; life hasn't gotten any easier and there's no less on my mind.

So many times when he was talking about how tough things were going to be for _him_ after the divorce (as opposed to me, who will have it much easier - yeah, that was a surprise to me, too) I wanted to just scream "Well, then maybe it wasn't such a f*cking smart idea to leave me, was it, Mr. Brain Trust with your graduate degree that you hold over my head? Maybe things would have worked out better for all 3 of us if you'd have just been a fighter instead of the weak 'runner' that you are."


----------



## angelpixie

I believe this calls for a song (change the singer to a female and this is us):

VAST -- I'm Afraid of You


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

just stay on track angel.
youre doing good.
dont let him suck you in what ever you do.
you dont need that, and never want to return to that place.
believe me, once its all over and done with, you will feel so much better.


----------



## Orpheus

i love how your tone changes when i wind you up. 

thata girl! get your claws out and don't let the Brain Truss get near you.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Yes, I do know -- he wants me to give him my money, pay his bills and outstanding debt, give him full custody of our son, announce to the world that he was in no way at fault for the break-up of our marriage, and that I'm sorry for the way I ruined his life...and then just disappear from the face of the earth.


The funny thing is, you could do ALL those things.

It still wouldn't "fix" it.


----------



## jpr

Conrad said:


> The funny thing is, you could do ALL those things.
> 
> It still wouldn't "fix" it.


Conrad is right. ...and you sound so strong. Keep it up, IronAngel. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Just got off the phone with Chinless. As usual, he did not get out the deck staining supplies for me ahead of time and is rushing to do it now. Strangely, my ability to buy the house has seemed to spring him into gear. He has nowhere to go that would be a good place for his business and for him/DS to live. I think he's realizing that just working together to sell the house ASAP and using this time to find a place works out to his advantage. I'm not going to do it all as if I did own the place. He's physically stronger, so he can dig up the little patch of yard and lay the sod. He seems to be good at laying sods lately.







Kapow! She's still got it.


----------



## Matt1720

angelpixie is filmed in front of a live studio audience


----------



## abandonmentissues

badum tss!


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> She's still got it.


oh, you're gonna get it alright...


----------



## angelpixie

Is that a threat or a promise?


----------



## angelpixie

Front porch has been stripped and stained. With time to spare before Chinless & SkankWoman are due back. Damn, I need something cold to drink, and a shower. Heading home. Wahoo! I'm pretty proud of myself. Another example of how this could have been done a f*cking long time ago. But I'm not going to get mad, I'm just going to be happy that it's another thing to check off my list.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, and Chinless -- if you're looking at the porch right now, make a note: that's what an honest day's work looks like.


----------



## Orpheus

i feel a little strange about you fixing up a house for him to come home to and defile. i get the selling of the house thing but this makes me uncomfortable.


----------



## angelpixie

I have to do it when the schedule allows. With the library closed today, I had to jump on the opportunity. He's now thinking that he does want me to buy the house. After all he owes me, he won't have enough to buy a place for himself, though, so I don't actually understand why he wants this. The biggest thing is that he's not asking for more if the house sells for a higher price than what we're thinking of asking. If I'm planning on buying the house, I think I'd have a good argument that I put in more 'sweat equity' getting it ready to sell, so he should take what he's getting and shut up.


----------



## angelpixie

And he did watch DS for me today, so that saved me child care costs for today. I didn't even ask him to do that. Chalk one up for Chinless.


----------



## angelpixie

I forgot to post about the most bizarre part of yesterday. Yes, Chinless wants me to buy the house (as of yesterday -- haven't talked to you him yet today, LOL). But he brought up something that totally took me aback. He had to rehash the financial stuff we talked about the night before but the new thing was that he wanted to know if we should only do a legal separation instead of going for a full divorce. My state doesn't have a formal legal separation. It's somthing you have to specifically request, but there aren't even forms for it. You use the regular divorce forms and after 6 months, one spouse can ask that it be converted to a divorce. So you have to figure out the parenting and property settlements anyway. It serves no purpose in our situation. I thought about it a long time ago to give me some protection, but since it didn't really do what I wanted it to, I didn't follow up. It's just a 2nd court filing fee, too. 

Why is he doing this? Of course, I told him no. I wanted the divorce and nothing less. I can't even refi the house if we're only going for a separation. He's trying to keep from totally severing things, and then asking if I'd move with him to a different part of the country, but without any mention of our relationship. He is so thankful for how positive I've been and how it's making all of this so much less stressful for him, but all I end up doing after I walk away is shake my head to try to clear the confusion of talking to him.

AND before anyone says anything -- I am not changing my mind. I am not considering going back to him, even if there was some indication of him wanting that. I am still moving forward with my life, severing my ties from him as much as possible, considering we still have our child.

This is especially true because Tuesday night, DS didn't want STBXH to drop him off at the place where I have my support group. He said he was embarrassed to have his dad there, when he is the reason I'm going there and nobody else's dads bring them. I've never told DS that I'm going there because of an abusive relationship, and the place tries to walk a very fine line of offering help to the kids of these relationships without going into too much detail (esp. since everyone's situation is different). It made STBXH very upset that I'm filling DS' head with things against him, or allowing this group to do it for me. It's entirely possible that DS is hearing other kids talk about their own lives and assuming I'm dealing with similar things. 

To protect myself with STBXH, I told DS in front of him that I'm going there to work on myself and that the other ladies were, too. We all had painful things to deal with in our lives and we were learning about them and how they affected our lives now. That's all true. None of it was a lie. But it was only half the truth, and that makes me feel sick about myself. DS is too young to hear everything now, but he admitted that hearing STBXH and I fight, along with what he knows about other peoples' situations, led him to think that his father is why I'm there. He's absolutely right - his dad is why I'm there, but I can't tell him he's right and that makes me feel awful. 

STBXH is allowed to keep living in his denial, and I"m the one being treated like I'm doing something wrong. I know this is part of the cycle and I have to wait it out. DS will learn as he gets older. I know that. STBXH will not be able to change his spots and these things will become obvious to DS. I know DS sees that I'm different around STBXH than I am when I'm away from him. And he's a very sharp kid. I'm getting out and that's the other important thing I'm showing my son. The half truth is only a temporary necessity. But it still makes me feel ashamed at some deep level.


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

good for you angel.
no looking back.
sounds like he still wants to keep you on the back burner.
forward girl, always forward.


----------



## unsure78

I 2nd, 2nd 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

unsure78 said:


> I 2nd, 2nd
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> AND before anyone says anything --


ouch. silently rebuked. i feel like i should knit a scarlet halo on my clothing and hold my head in shame. 

::shuffling:: off to rouse rabble elsewhere. 

you're doing great, IronAngel.


----------



## angelpixie

I know you're looking out for me, O. I just didn't want to wind _you_ up.  

Now go yarn me somethin', will ya?


----------



## jpr

Yarn! Yarn your heart out, Orpheus!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cantmove

Proud of you Angel for being so strong.


----------



## angelpixie

You, too, CM -- I saw your post on the other thread. I know that must have been really tough to hear him say that. 

I'm so glad that you and DS had a good trip! Welcome back


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> You, too, CM -- I saw your post on the other thread. I know that must have been really tough to hear him say that.
> 
> I'm so glad that you and DS had a good trip! Welcome back


Thanks Angel, I posted a few pics.


----------



## angelpixie

Those are awesome -- you're a beautiful family!


----------



## angelpixie

Man, I cannot keep track of my crazy life!! Just before I left work, STBXH called me. I thought we were making plans for him to see DS today, but actually, he wanted to talk about the settlement again. Guess what -- *he's* buying the house. And not to sell it, either. To live there. He figures he's not going to find another place that he'll be able to afford that will work for both his studio and a place for him and DS to live -- not for the price of our mortgage, anyway. He spoke to his mom today, and they will help him finagle selling the car to them and then buying it back to get rid of the car loan (getting me cash), and maybe they'll be able to lend him money to pay off his student loan so that he won't have any more debt than I do (according to the bank anyway) so that he'll be able to qualify for the the house. I'll still end up with what I would have gotten before, but DAMN, I wish he'd figured this out before I put so much work into the place.







*But now I don't have to do another frigging thing,* and hopefully I can start looking for my own house.







And I don't have to move twice. :yay:

I'm going to call my dad and brother tonight to see if they can float me a loan for a couple of months while all of this gets settled. ray:

It's actually a good thing I didn't meet with my lawyer yet -- she'd have to write everything over again. Ka-ching!

I'm still kind of stunned







and yet kind of excited







. Wow, by this Christmas, I could maybe be a homeowner in my own place again. :smthumbup:


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## jh52

angelpixie said:


> Man, I cannot keep track of my crazy life!! Just before I left work, STBXH called me. I thought we were making plans for him to see DS today, but actually, he wanted to talk about the settlement again. Guess what -- *he's* buying the house. And not to sell it, either. To live there. He figures he's not going to find another place that he'll be able to afford that will work for both his studio and a place for him and DS to live -- not for the price of our mortgage, anyway. He spoke to his mom today, and they will help him finagle selling the car to them and then buying it back to get rid of the car loan (getting me cash), and maybe they'll be able to lend him money to pay off his student loan so that he won't have any more debt than I do (according to the bank anyway) so that he'll be able to qualify for the the house. I'll still end up with what I would have gotten before, but DAMN, I wish he'd figured this out before I put so much work into the place.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *But now I don't have to do another frigging thing,* and hopefully I can start looking for my own house.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And I don't have to move twice. :yay:
> 
> I'm going to call my dad and brother tonight to see if they can float me a loan for a couple of months while all of this gets settled. ray:
> 
> It's actually a good thing I didn't meet with my lawyer yet -- she'd have to write everything over again. Ka-ching!
> 
> I'm still kind of stunned
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> and yet kind of excited
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> . Wow, by this Christmas, I could maybe be a homeowner in my own place again. :smthumbup:


Hi Angel -- I hope and pray that this plan doesn't change.

You have had more ups, downs, turns and twists than a roller coaster.

No matter what happens you will come out of this a much stronger woman and mother. I can tell that you are stronger already just by reading your posts today then from when this all started.


----------



## MyselfAgain

Oh my! I hope you will be able to cut your losses and go through with this! If he changes his mind one more time my brain will implode. If that's even possible. Argh. Get a fee extra bucks for the work you just did if you can. He's an idiot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Made a deal with STBXH last night that I get all unused paint, wood flooring (about enough to do a small room), tile, etc. to use for my new place, in exchange for all the work I've done on the place lately. 

And I made an important realization today. I'm really, truly no longer physically attracted to him. (Yes, I know you're all wondering how I could have been attracted to someone we refer to as Chinless anyway) But I used to find him incredibly sexy and could overlook the usual human flaws. For a long time, I would have given anything for him to want me again, but now? Not at all. As the song says "But that was love and that's an ache I still remember." But I no longer feel it. That's a really big step in the deadening. It's kind of melancholy in a weird way, to realize you no longer have those feelings for the person you planned to spend your life with, and in my case, the only lover I've had, and the father of my child. But I still don't even know who I loved -- was he real or some kind of persona then? Is he real or in some fog now? It doesn't matter. In the present, he is not someone who I love, need, or want to have. For our son's sake I hope he gets it together, but it's too late for me.


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## Lifescript

Angel,

This is REAL progress. Another step in the right direction to completely detaching from him emotionally.


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## jh52

angelpixie said:


> Made a deal with STBXH last night that I get all unused paint, wood flooring (about enough to do a small room), tile, etc. to use for my new place, in exchange for all the work I've done on the place lately.
> 
> And I made an important realization today. I'm really, truly no longer physically attracted to him. (Yes, I know you're all wondering how I could have been attracted to someone we refer to as Chinless anyway) But I used to find him incredibly sexy and could overlook the usual human flaws. For a long time, I would have given anything for him to want me again, but now? Not at all. As the song says "But that was love and that's an ache I still remember." But I no longer feel it. That's a really big step in the deadening. It's kind of melancholy in a weird way, to realize you no longer have those feelings for the person you planned to spend your life with, and in my case, the only lover I've had, and the father of my child. But I still don't even know who I loved -- was he real or some kind of persona then? Is he real or in some fog now? It doesn't matter. In the present, he is not someone who I love, need, or want to have. For our son's sake I hope he gets it together, but it's too late for me.


AngelP ----

Here is your new theme song from what I have seen:

KELLY CLARKSON - WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU LYRICS


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## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Made a deal with STBXH last night that I get all unused paint, wood flooring (about enough to do a small room), tile, etc. to use for my new place, in exchange for all the work I've done on the place lately.
> 
> And I made an important realization today. I'm really, truly no longer physically attracted to him. (Yes, I know you're all wondering how I could have been attracted to someone we refer to as Chinless anyway) But I used to find him incredibly sexy and could overlook the usual human flaws. For a long time, I would have given anything for him to want me again, but now? Not at all. As the song says "But that was love and that's an ache I still remember." But I no longer feel it. That's a really big step in the deadening. It's kind of melancholy in a weird way, to realize you no longer have those feelings for the person you planned to spend your life with, and in my case, the only lover I've had, and the father of my child. But I still don't even know who I loved -- was he real or some kind of persona then? Is he real or in some fog now? It doesn't matter. In the present, he is not someone whNo I love, need, or want to have. For our son's sake I hope he gets it together, but it's too late for me.


That's wonderful news! So happy to see how far you've come


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## unsure78

Good for you Angel im soo proud of you- i recently started to feel the same way for ex, used to think he looked so handsome, now when i look at him i see the physical flaws and he just looks so tired to me...


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## jpr

I feel the same way about Sasquatch...although I never really found him particularly attractive in the first place. But, because I loved him so much, I was grew to be attracted to him. Now, though...well...I think he is rather pathetic and repulsive. 

What is on the inside on someone attracts me to them....and his insides are very ugly.

This is progress, Angel. So much progress!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MyselfAgain

Oh Angel, I am so glad you have gotten to the point where the pieces are starting to fall into place. I can't wait to see you with a new man who is handsome inside and out!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

MyselfAgain said:


> Oh Angel, I am so glad you have gotten to the point where the pieces are starting to fall into place. I can't wait to see you with a new man who is handsome inside and out!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That makes 2 of us!


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## angelpixie

OMG -- I'm having the hardest time not laughing my ass off right now!! I went on FB to check to see if someone I know is back from vacation yet. She is an FB friend of posOW, but when I talked to her recently she wasn't even totally sure who she was (that's FB 'friendship' for ya!). Anywhoo, posOW comes up as a mutual friend and I see that her occupation is now listed as 'Photographer at [posSTBXH's] Photography Studio' The poor delusional little dear!! I saw the photos from the wedding because she had put them on our laptop, and I wanted to see just how well his protege was doing. 95% of them were overexposed, to the point that I'm not sure how much could be salvaged with Photoshop. Most of the actual shots were attempting to be artsy, but were just lame. If it was my wedding, I'd be pretty pissed. 

But, hey, Chinless, good luck with that business plan you're putting together! With her as your assistant, you're gonna need it... :rofl:


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

MyselfAgain said:


> Oh Angel, I am so glad you have gotten to the point where the pieces are starting to fall into place. I can't wait to see you with a new man who is handsome inside and out!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i 2nd that...
but too bad hes in tennessee :/


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## Lon

Angel as a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to certain things like photography I can't help not laugh my ass off when I see those artsy compositions that are so technically bad, lol and which they actually charge large amounts of money for. You should send me the link I could use some entertainment haha.


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## MyselfAgain

wait, who is in TN?


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## angelpixie

2nd is


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

MyselfAgain said:


> wait, who is in TN?


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## angelpixie

Met up with STBXH at local warehouse store to have DS go with him til tomorrow. Of course, posOW was there. He has the nicer car now (since I have DS -- that's the way we trade it off). After I've kissed & hugged DS good-bye, I start to turn around and I see that Chinless is still standing there (car door open so she can hear everything) and he tells the renewal notice for the license came and that he's going to just pay it himself rather than split it, and in fact, since he needs the car Wed. and Thurs. anyway (1st I've heard of it -- it will be when I'm supposed to have it), he's just going to keep the nicer car from now on. I was stunned. I don't want to be still paying on the loan and not be able to use it! (He was a controlling a$$hole for the first year and a half that we had the car and I didn't use it even 20% of the time until last September when we started switching every other week.) 

I told him I wasn't aware that the loan was going to be paid off in the next week, and he told me it wouldn't but it just didn't make sense to him to keep trading. I looked over at my $375 blue-book value car, and at her smiling in the front seat, and I felt just defeated. I said well, I don't think it's fair, but if it's that important to you that you _have_ to have the car then I guess you _have_ to have the car. We've never talked about our settlement issues or money, etc. in front of her or DS, and I didn't like it at all. Finally he got the drift, backed down and said we'd discuss it. I said yes we would and walked away. Over an hour and a half later, I got a text from him saying that the car wasn't a done deal, 'btw'. I texted back that I didn't like what he did; it made me uncomfortable and I don't want to discuss our financial matters in front of either DS or OW again. He texted back, 'You're right. My bad.'









I was prepared to let him use the nicer car to drive his mother around, but now I'm ready to say screw it. If the older car is good enough for me (and DS half the time), then it's good enough for him for a while longer. Especially after this crap he's trying to pull. He was always very secretive if I had to bring up forms or appointments when she was at the house, ushering me to another room and speaking in hushed tones. So, I'll bet she put him up to this, or at least helped him find the balls to do it. Now that he's found them, I wish I could give them a swift kick. What a selfish ass!!


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## MyselfAgain

What an a$$hat! Definitely do not back down. So not cool.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YellowRoses

Do not give in to this Angel

You've given enough

Tell him you're happy to stop exchanging vehicles as long as you have the better one. Other wise, take a running jump


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## jh52

Personally thinking this -- your stbxh is not the driving force about the car -- it's the OW -- but you can't control him or her -- so he will do anything she says.

Just remember that you are probably fighting her more than him -- but you still have to fight no matter. Not sure he has the ability to even think for himself anymore.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<AngelP>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Take Care !!


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## YellowRoses

He isn't called Chinless for nothing  May I suggest Noballs for his middle name ?


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## jh52

YellowRoses said:


> He isn't called Chinless for nothing  May I suggest Noballs for his middle name ?


Chinless Noballs Asshat !!


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## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Met up with STBXH at local warehouse store to have DS go with him til tomorrow. Of course, posOW was there. He has the nicer car now (since I have DS -- that's the way we trade it off). After I've kissed & hugged DS good-bye, I start to turn around and I see that Chinless is still standing there (car door open so she can hear everything) and he tells the renewal notice for the license came and that he's going to just pay it himself rather than split it, and in fact, since he needs the car Wed. and Thurs. anyway (1st I've heard of it -- it will be when I'm supposed to have it), he's just going to keep the nicer car from now on. I was stunned. I don't want to be still paying on the loan and not be able to use it! (He was a controlling a$$hole for the first year and a half that we had the car and I didn't use it even 20% of the time until last September when we started switching every other week.)
> 
> I told him I wasn't aware that the loan was going to be paid off in the next week, and he told me it wouldn't but it just didn't make sense to him to keep trading. I looked over at my $375 blue-book value car, and at her smiling in the front seat, and I felt just defeated. I said well, I don't think it's fair, but if it's that important to you that you _have_ to have the car then I guess you _have_ to have the car. We've never talked about our settlement issues or money, etc. in front of her or DS, and I didn't like it at all. Finally he got the drift, backed down and said we'd discuss it. I said yes we would and walked away. Over an hour and a half later, I got a text from him saying that the car wasn't a done deal, 'btw'. I texted back that I didn't like what he did; it made me uncomfortable and I don't want to discuss our financial matters in front of either DS or OW again. He texted back, 'You're right. My bad.'
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I was prepared to let him use the nicer car to drive his mother around, but now I'm ready to say screw it. If the older car is good enough for me (and DS half the time), then it's good enough for him for a while longer. Especially after this crap he's trying to pull. He was always very secretive if I had to bring up forms or appointments when she was at the house, ushering me to another room and speaking in hushed tones. So, I'll bet she put him up to this, or at least helped him find the balls to do it. Now that he's found them, I wish I could give them a swift kick. What a selfish ass!!


I want your ex's balls in a jar on my mantelpiece 

If Chinless, Unsure's ex and SO's ex had a 'tw*t off' I really don't know who would win

You know, I had to give mine the final £50k last week. He's now splashing pictures of the new tattoo he's going to get with MY money - at least £500 worth

What a f*cking asshat

Stand your ground Angelface 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MyselfAgain

Omg Dolly, that's insane. All our exes are losers. Mine has been in the wind for months. His mom just had a milestone birthday...I called, he didn't. They haven't heard from him at all, don't know where he is. Ridiculous!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## In_The_Wind

What a wus I think you should stop.playing nice Angel and give it right back to him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford

MyselfAgain said:


> Omg Dolly, that's insane. All our exes are losers. Mine has been in the wind for months. His mom just had a milestone birthday...I called, he didn't. They haven't heard from him at all, don't know where he is. Ridiculous!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry hon, how could I forget about yours - he's a massive asshat too!!

Mine at least remembered his mother's 40th wedding anniversary, although he's only spoken to her four times since we split (5 months ago) and still hasn't actually told her what happened (nor me funnily enough!)


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## MyselfAgain

Wow same guy 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

Dollystanford said:


> I want your ex's balls in a jar on my mantelpiece
> 
> If Chinless, Unsure's ex and SO's ex had a 'tw*t off' I really don't know who would win
> 
> You know, I had to give mine the final £50k last week. He's now splashing pictures of the new tattoo he's going to get with MY money - at least £500 worth
> 
> What a f*cking asshat
> 
> Stand your ground Angelface
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pixie,

"I'm not ok with paying for automobiles I have no access to."

Stand your ground.


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## Conrad

Dollystanford said:


> I want your ex's balls in a jar on my mantelpiece
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You'd have to find them first.


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## angelpixie

Conrad said:


> You'd have to find them first.



:rofl: And when you did, a baby food jar would probably do it. :rofl:


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## Dollystanford

no chin, no balls, no pixie

I almost feel sorry for him


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## angelpixie

jh52 said:


> Chinless Noballs Asshat !!


Every time I see that my brain reads it as

Nobless (knob-less)

Come to think of it, that works, too!! :rofl:


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## YellowRoses

My SIL confirmed to me yesterday than mine has not seen his family (mum, dad, 2 sisters) apart from a brief 30m attendance at a party since this kicked off. He hasn't even told them he doesn't live here any more. They have found out everything from me

His dad is still being treated for bowel cancer and his other sister is going through a painful split with her civil partner. They have always been so close

He is acting like it isn't real - what a f*ckwit


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## unsure78

What an a$$hat Angel!
Hi Dolly glad to see you back-
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr

Your ex is just such a little spoiled brat of a boy! How can he possibly think he is entitled to that car??? Ugh.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Well, he will be buying the car from me - and he offered to give meback my part of the loan payment. but as long as my name is still on the loan, I am going to use what's half mine. It made me wonder if he'sgoing to do the same with the house - I won't be allowed to go in if he's not home, or he'll want me to turn in my key. I'll tell him the same thing: until my name is off the mortgage, he can kiss my a$$.


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## YellowRoses

He's more likely to assume sole possession of the house and car TODAY if you let him and procrastinate FOREVER on the buyout, isn't he ?

Hold your ground Angelface x

PS I still think you should get back in that house and shove him along that way but understand if its too much hassle. Or you could use the house for your business as well as you obviously don't have enough room to both live and work in your rental do you ?


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## angelpixie

I think that now that he knows he has his parents' help (please God, don't let them back down) he'll move things along. That's the way he sounded yesterday, at least. 

I really don't want that house. It's too far out of town, and it really isn't laid out in a way that would give me space for my inventory. I was only going to stay in it long enough to fix it and sell it. So if he really wants to live there, more power to him. 

That is strange to me though. When we had our 3 hour conversation last week, he was complaining, again, that my living in town, by DS' school, made him feel on the outside because he felt it would establish my place as DS' primary home, even though Chinless was in our 'family' home. And even though I didn't think it would, he was right. That was one reason he wanted to move into town, too. Has he given up on that part of his relationship with DS and is putting his potential livelihood first? It seems that way to me so far.


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## angelpixie

Grrr. He's trying to turn me into the b!tch this morning and telling me I'm creating an awkward situation, and I'm not letting his patronizing calm demeanor draw me into a fight. But I am PISSED inside!


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## YellowRoses

Time to reduce the amount of contact maybe Angel ?


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## angelpixie

That would be fine. I didn't plan on seeing him at all today. He was taking DS directly to his friend's house (his parents are taking them to the fair), then I'd get him later. But when I gave STBXH the online ticket I pre-printed yesterday, I forgot to include spending money for DS. I mentioned it to Chinless, and he said he'd take care of it. Well, I've lived for years with is constant forgetting things (which I now know was more passive/aggressive and less mental illness), so I texted him this morning to ask if he had cash on hand. I didn't want him to forget and have the parents feel like they were put on the awkward spot of covering for us. I told STBXH that to let me know if he didn't have it/didn't have time to stop (they are usually 1/2 hour late everywhere) and I'd run to the ATM then meet them. No response to my text. So I did just that and was waiting at the friends' house. Which was fine, because we get along great, had a nice chat (I'd been invited, too, but took the opportunity to have the time to look at houses) and made future plans. Well, they finally show up and it was a good thing because he was only able to get big bills out of the ATM, which was way too much to give a 9 year old. We chatted, said our good byes, and walked out to the cars. He didn't have any of DS' stuff with him, and figured he'd just do without til TUESDAY (why?!). So I have to drive out tonight just to pick up his stuff. He asked why I came by with money when he told me yesterday he'd take care of it, and that I didn't have a right to be ticked. I told him I knew he always had his phone with him, and that I deserved a reponse to my text. Since I didn't get one, and he forgets what he's supposed to do more times than not (which I've never told him before today), it was up to me AGAIN to cover for him. And I was tired of it. It inconvenienced me, and yes, I had a right to be ticked. In the future I expected the respect of a response, like he gives everyone else. I didn't even say it in an angry voice. I just felt tired of it all. I walked to the car and he followed me and told me I wasn't being fair to him. That I should have trusted him. I just said we disagreed and that I didn't want to belabor the point. Then I turned on the car. He got the hint and left. 

I just know this is all my fault in his mind, and I'm tired of that. Just so tired. I know I did this all wrong over the years, but I couldn't just let him not pay bills or keep responsibilities when it would have affected us both. If I hadn't been the one to forget the money in the first place yesterday, I should have let him sink or swim. Next time I will. 

I'm going to text him to put DS' stuff in our shed before I come out there. That way I won't have to even go up to the house. I can drive down the alley and pick the things up.


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## OldGirl

Wow, Angel. I get exhausted just reading about your interactions with Chinless. So frustrating for you. Sorry


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## jpr

Ugh. sasquatch does that condencending patronizing thing. I hate that. just walk away angel. you are so much better than him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Well, the day brightened up quite a bit. There were no open houses in my price range, so I didn't go looking at houses. But the friend who didn't show up at the movie last night called and asked if I wanted to go hiking with her and her two dogs. We went to an area that I'd never been to before and it was great. Down by the other major river that goes through part of town, and it was so low in places (like waist deep at the highest) that we were able to cross to some small rocky bars and just sit and talk in between hiking. I like her a lot, and the funny thing is, the guy whose place we went to to hike is a sometimes photo partner with a guy who was my first online date -- and he's a friend of the woman I was with. We didn't even realize it til we were walking and talking. Small world!! 

I got back just as DS was getting dropped off from the fair, totally hyper from sugar and riding rides, lol. I was totally gross from my hike so I took a nice bubble bath and we had a good evening.

AND...while I was hiking, I got a text from Chinless that he would be bringing DS' stuff out to my place since it was his responsibility to make sure I got it. He was supposed to be by before 7, and at 7:30 he rolled up, put the stuff in my garage w/o talking to DS about the fair like he said he was going to. I also saw him go to 'my' car and take the picnic blanket we keep in it. It was pretty late for a picnic, then I remembered our local symphony was playing an evening concert in the park. So that's probably why it was suddenly ok for him to be 'responsible' and bring DS' stuff over -- he needed the blanket so he and posOW had something to lay on while they listened to the symphony. What a turd. 

But it saved me a trip, so I'm happy about that.


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## YellowRoses

Call him out on that Angel, nothing dramatic , just let him know that you know.

Just remind him to put it back next time he comes.

He appears quite dim and will probably think he got away with it otherwise. Why he thinks a picnic blanket should be 'shared' is beyond me.


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## Conrad

Respectfully, I would not call him out on that.

It's just putting the focus on him.

Does no good at all.

Just observe. He is what he is.


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## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> AND...while I was hiking, I got a text from Chinless that he would be bringing DS' stuff out to my place since it was his responsibility to make sure I got it.
> 
> So that's probably why it was suddenly ok for him to be 'responsible' and bring DS' stuff over -- he needed the blanket so he and posOW had something to lay on while they listened to the symphony. What a turd.


It's amazing how much his memory and sense of responsibility improve when it's to his advantage


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## YellowRoses

Conrad said:


> Respectfully, I would not call him out on that.
> 
> It's just putting the focus on him.
> 
> Does no good at all.
> 
> Just observe. He is what he is.


He is constantly trying to make Angel feel like the bad guy at the moment - I don't think she should take that lying down.

I'm just saying let him know she 'observed' it - no more


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## jpr

I think you need to pick and choose these confrontations. I know that with sasquatch when I do point certain things out to him, then he will usually back off. Sasquatch tends to become very self absorbed at times and he has a hard time understanding how his actions affect others. I usually don't point out his selfishness unless it affects or son...or unless he has been treating me ignorantly. Sometimes you have to stick up for yourself. You can only suffer in silence for so long...

I just don't understand how a picnic blanket could possibly be considered shared property.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

jpr said:


> I just don't understand how a picnic blanket could possibly be considered shared property.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't even remember that it was in there (it's in the storage compartment by the spare tire). To me, that shows that his inability to remember things is just being manipulative. For him to remember that blanket and not some of the important things I've asked him to remember (even for DS, not just for me) shows me that it's total controlling B.S. 

I should just tell him I want him to wash the blanket before he puts it back in the car and leave it at that. That let's him know I saw it, but doesn't ask what he was doing with it, etc. And seriously, I do want him to wash it. God only knows what went on while they were on it.


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## YellowRoses

That's what I mean exactly Angel, no argument just make it clear you know his game not that you're bothered about the blanket itself

You're quite right too - ask him to return it clean


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## angelpixie

Listened to a lot of my favorite old music today, and didn't have a triggering reaction to any of it which shocked me.

Until this one.

Broken Arrow -- Robbie Robertson

I loved the song long before I ever met and loved my husband. I don't have to let go of everything because it became connected to him. His bottle of rain has been packed away in the black box of my memories. 

Every time I force myself to face these things, they hurt just a little less. Desensitization.


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## Matt1720

EMDR, quick move your eyeballs around!

if only i knew the proper movements, I could start my own unlicensed practice. it would involve nutella, that stuff is lady crack.

just looking at a calendar does it for me, i just had to pull up the windows one for work back to december 2011, the last "happy" xmas... wasn't really that happy I know now.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, Matt. Just hold that nutella jar and wave it back and forth in front of my eyes so that I have something to focus on. 

Sad that some ordinary tasks or habits lead us back to thoughts of 'them'. We'll be over it someday soon, I hope.


----------



## jpr

Matt1720 said:


> EMDR, quick move your eyeballs around!
> 
> if only i knew the proper movements, I could start my own unlicensed practice. it would involve nutella, that stuff is lady crack.
> 
> just looking at a calendar does it for me, i just had to pull up the windows one for work back to december 2011, the last "happy" xmas... wasn't really that happy I know now.


Mmmm....nutella. Mmmmmmm.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

angelpixie said:


> Just hold that nut and wave it back and forth in front of my eyes so that I have something to focus on.


----------



## angelpixie

Ahh, fun with editing again, eh, 2nd?


----------



## pidge70

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


>


:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

STBXH came and took DS to a traditional Russian dinner tonight. Sounds great. I'm the one of us that's Russian (well, DS is, too), but I'm sitting at home. 

Oh well. I've rediscovered my fantasy of being a Big Band 'girl singer.' Except I'm not a 'girl' anymore, and I was never that great of a singer. Luckily my house is pretty soundproof and the traffic muffles what the open windows let out, LOL


Linda Ronstadt with the Nelson Riddle Orchestra -- Lover Man

Linda Ronstadt with the Nelson Riddle Orchestra -- I've Got a Crush on You

Linda Ronstadt with the Nelson Riddle Orchestra -- What's New

Linda Ronstadt with the Nelson Riddle Orchestra -- Crazy He Calls Me


----------



## Orpheus

hmmm


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> hmmm



?


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

lol


----------



## jpr

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


>


Mmmm...nuts.

Angel, I can just envision you standing on stage and singing your heart out. I don't know what kind of a voice you have, but I know you would look absolutely stunning ! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

Are you back home jpr or still in St. Louis? How has the rest of your trip been?


----------



## jpr

I'm leaving today. the trip has been great but it is definitely tim
e to get home
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Just had to talk to STBXH about the D papers. His mom came in today (I thought it was going to be tomorrow). He still hasn't told me I can't see her, and still hasn't told me I can. I'm still pretending I don't know. 

He did tell me that DS is staying with her the first two days she's here. So I'm thinking 'Well there goes my chance to see her because DS will always be there.' While I was talking to Chinless, my phone beeped that I had a text. During our phone call she hurried up and sent me a text that she's here, she loves me and she'll call me on Thursday & see me Thursday night. She's devious and I love it!! 

But Chinless gets free babysitting, i.e. two more nights alone with OW during the week he's supposed to have DS, and that's just kind of sucky. That's really why DS is staying with her, not because Chinless cares if he sees his grandma or not. We never did that before when they visited. We were lucky if we got to sneak off for an afternoon or a dinner together while they watched DS. I know, he's got to get in all the shagging he can before OW's off to France.


----------



## Conrad

And your focus is where... exactly?


----------



## angelpixie

I want to make sure I get a chance to see MIL, but it also is sort of kick in the chops that he'll think of this (DS staying with MIL) when he's got OW, but not when we were together. We were desperate to have time alone and could seldom afford a babysitter. His priorities are once again, obvious.

I'm just admitting how I feel, and expressing that again, he's a jerk.

But my focus is on daily life. Getting DS packed up to go to his dad's , eventually. Going to my abuse support group tonight and seeing my friends there. Working on my D papers in preparation for my appt with the lawyer on Friday, and getting in touch with the realtor about that house I'm interested in.

My focus is on the future. (Right answer, I hope?)

And...I almost forgot it's time to go up to the farm and go dancing again this Saturday night! Yay!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Conrad

From where I sit, DS wins because he gets some grandma time that would have been spent with posOW.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, yes and no. I just got back from dropping DS off. They were not at the arranged meeting place. I had my phone turned off during group, but that's when he texted to say they had gone to dinner late and would pick up DS at my house. Two months ago, after he popped in on my doorstep w/ posOW, I told him not to bring anyone to visit without calling me first and giving me a chance to decline. My place is so tiny and usually cluttered that I cannot invite guests in, as I would want to do. Which is, of course, why he wanted to pop in at my house -- so that I had to say no. His next offer? He would take MIL to her hotel (where DS is also staying tonight), come back to my place with posOW, pick up DS and drive back to the hotel. Are you kidding me? Why not just have me drop him off? Why? Because then he'd have to tell me where she's staying, which he still hasn't done. I, of course, know anyway. DS didn't know he was supposed to keep it a secret and told me to drive him to the hotel. He didn't understand why his dad was doing this. Chinless would not answer my texts or calls asking for an alternative place. Finally, I decided I would drive to the hotel. Just then, I got a text to drop DS off at a local pizza place, luckily 1 block from where I was. After I parked the car, and _he could see us get out_ (they were sitting outside), he called me (?) and said in this mild voice "Oh, I see I missed a call from you?" Um, yes, 3 of them, arsehole, and multiple texts. He asked where we were _when he was looking right at me down the street._ I just said 'You know where we are. Talk to you in 30 seconds.' and hung up. Of course, he has already introduced posOW to his mother, even before she's had a chance to see her grandson!! She's been in town since 1 p.m., and he had a chance to pick DS up from camp with her. We have always taken visiting relatives with us to pick DS up in the afternoon from school or camp. Nope, this time posOW was more important. 

After big hugs to DS, she turned and put her arms out and gave me a big squealy hug (she's very demonstrative, lol). I could see posOW and Chinless over her shoulder. OW rubbed his arm tenderly and gave him a sympathetic look, as if she was sorry that his mother was making a big deal out of seeing me. When she said "It's so good to see you!" She whispered in my ear "And I will again, too." She made a big deal about my haircut, my dress, told me I looked beautiful, etc. Chinless was stone faced with a fake smile plastered on. posOW kept caressing his arm, and was trying to interject little things about Grandma's and their hugs, etc., but the 3 of us ignored her. And I ignored the two of them. 

One thing that I did see that proves again how different they are from Chinless and me: he had his hand on her leg, so far up her thigh it was almost on her crotch. In front of his mother! He never even _tried_ anything like that when we were together, and if he had, I wouldn't have let him. They are so trashy! 

But it also reminded me of the last time she was here. Memorial Day weekend last year. That May, we'd 'celebrated' our dating anniversary with a really nice date, at his insistence, went out on another date, he'd started saying 'I love you' again, and when she was there, held my hand in the car when we were driving to breakfast. The first time he'd held my hand in about 4 months. Then again under the table when we were eating. I really had hope. 

But then he totally screwed me over on the night she was supposed to watch DS while we had time alone. Chose his friends (including posOW) instead. Memorial Day morning, the day after she left, I told him I was done. I found out while I was in the process of moving that he and OW had been writing suggestive messages to each other in a little journal she'd bought him as a gift months before. While we were still supposed to be working on it. He never apologized about that. Only got mad at me for reading the loose page that fell out when I moved it off of _my_ nightstand.

He is such a manipulative sh!thead. I didn't know what I should have done. I know he wasn't answering my calls or texts in order to force me to do what he wanted. I knew that while it was happening. DS is telling me to just drive to the hotel, like it's a totally normal thing -- which, of course, it should be!! I didn't want DS to get in trouble for telling me where she was. Or think that he'd just be even more sneaky and find some bogus reason to move her to another hotel. Which he totally would do. Why should I even have to think these things are possible? Does he not see that he truly is manipulative and controlling of the people in his life, and that that is abusive?

As to time alone with Grandma instead of with posOW -- I think they're going on an out-of-town trip. When I was putting DS' stuff in the other car (he is keeping the nice one for two extra days, then I get it two extra), I saw an itinerary with a list of food to take along for several meals. I bet the 4 of them are going out of town. And I wonder if she'll even be here on Thursday like she thinks she will. I wouldn't be surprised if he kept her totally busy so that she was never alone at night -- either DS stays with her, or they all go someplace together.


----------



## angelpixie

Jeez, I wanna kick his puny ass so hard right now. I wish I had a punching bag.


----------



## Orpheus

AP, glad you got a nice reunion with MiL.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

I know. I am, too. I think I'm going to bake some of my banana bread that she really likes and take that when I go see her. It feels really good that she still cares. And I'm really, really glad DS gets to spend time with her. She's a good grandma. 

Thanks for pointing me in the right direction, O.


----------



## bandit.45

angelpixie said:


> Jeez, I wanna kick his puny ass so hard right now. I wish I had a punching bag.


No. Let me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Ok, vent is over. He's a sh!thead, she's a tramp. We've established that. Nothing new to see here. So, time to move along...


----------



## Orpheus

That's m'girl. Slice yourself off a great big helping of tomorrow and have a bite.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> That's m'girl. Slice yourself off a great big helping of tomorrow and have a bite.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mmmmm, tastes like...Nutella!!


----------



## angelpixie

Wow...! What happened to summer?!

From the National Weather Service:

Today Scattered showers and thunderstorms before noon. Partly sunny, *with a high near 76*. East wind around 15 mph, with gusts as high as 18 mph. Chance of precipitation is 50%.


Yikes!! Yesterday it was in the mid-90s!! I had to go digging for a pair of slacks to wear cuz it's been so long since I've worn anything but skirts and shorts! I'm not complaining, mind you,  it's just a bit of a shock.


----------



## angelpixie

Trouble Me -- 10,000 Maniacs

You know who you are


----------



## Orpheus

Hey!


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

angelpixie said:


> it's been so long since I've worn anything but skirts and shorts! I'm not complaining, mind you,  it's just a bit of a shock.


doubt i would either angel


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

angelpixie said:


> I think I'm going to bake some of my banana bread


oh, LOVE banana bread!
think you would make a perfect wife angel


----------



## angelpixie

Apparently not, but thanks for the vote of confidence, lol.


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

angelpixie said:


> Apparently not, but thanks for the vote of confidence, lol.


maybe not to a ding a ling but i like to think i have half a brain at least


----------



## angelpixie

Love the 'Schmoopie' videos. I believe these are what they refer to as 'dark humor'

The Big Apology


----------



## YellowRoses

Hi angel , just catching up

You get your mojo back so fast these days after one of his Ahole episodes

Next time he starts ****ing about with communication just sit tight, do nothing. Don't join in the game.

I must've missed it but why are you having to see his mum in secret. Why can't both of you tell him to stuff it ? You see who you want.


----------



## angelpixie

She's afraid that he'll do something to affect her contact with DS. She lives 1200 miles away and doesn't see him very often -- this time it's been since May 2011. She seems very sure that there will be repercussions, though I haven't had a chance to ask about it. It's just so ridiculous that he treats her this way. But she adores DS and Chinless knows it. DS is a bargaining chip in this situation. For me, too, in a way. 

I am starting to worry, though, and I hope it's for nothing. I haven't spoken to DS since we said good-bye on Tuesday. When I called him to say good-night last night, the phone went right to voicemail. I was told he was staying with his grandmother at her hotel. I've a sneaking suspicion that they went out of town, or maybe only Chinless & OW went out of town and left MiL and DS to fend for themselves. IF he took DS out of town without telling me, which is part of our yet-unfiled Parenting Plan, there WILL be hell to pay. I'm trying not to assume that's what happened yet, but it seems weird that there's been no contact about seeing DS. 

I am documenting all of this, though.


----------



## YellowRoses

I bet he's just playing games , he seems to like that - knob 

What 'adult' tries to manipulate like that with his own mother and his own son ? 

Still not sure how he could stop his mother seeing DS - she can arrange it through you on your time just as much as him on his time. Oh well, I'm sure there's good reason you're willing to play along. Just gets me cross all the way across the Atlantic


----------



## angelpixie

He does seem to be getting more blatant with others (not just me, behind closed doors), and I don't know how he thinks nobody can see it. 

I am just staying calm unless otherwise necessary.


----------



## YellowRoses

And... breathe x


----------



## unsure78

breathe angel im sure everything is ok- i understand the anxiety but im sure its nothing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

I don't even know what to say. I can't take this anymore. I start out talking to him confident, energized, head held high, and I walk away confused, hurt, angry, and ready to cry from mental exhaustion. This night did not go the way I thought it would.

How can she stand him? I know it's not the sex. That couldn't possibly make up for the way he is.

And to think I gave up a strip tease fitness class for that.


----------



## Matt1720

STFC must go on


----------



## angelpixie

Sh!t. Why is so much stuff coming back into my mind right now. I haven't had these kinds of flashbacks in a long, long time. It's ironic, because lately I've been doubting myself that my situation with him really wasn't that bad. That he's right when he says I make too big of a deal of it, and that it wasn't abuse. 

But these episodes are just raining down on me tonight and I'm feeling all those horrible feelings I had then. Low, stupid, unworthy, ridiculous, crazy, paralyzed, desperate, lonely, scared. That little kernel deep inside that says:

*He knows you better than anyone. What he says must be true. Look at you. He's right.*

I guess that's another part of me fighting back; reminding me that it was truly bad. I'm not making it up. He didn't know me at all. That wasn't me that was living with him. It was what I had to become to get from day to day. I did the best I could at the time. I know that. 

I am not defined by the way he treats me.

I am so much better off than I was then. I'd almost forgotten that pain. Maybe it's good to be reminded of it every now and then. It hurts to realize how much was wasted that could have been good. But I stopped it. It wouldn't have turned around if I hadn't decided to leave. If I'd kept begging him to try again and work on our 'marriage.'

He treats me this way because he is weak. I am strong because I walked away. He hates to see me confident and strong. I know that. He has to bring me down to feel better. 

I am right to stand up for myself. That doesn't make me a b!tch. It makes me a strong woman who isn't taking his sh!t anymore. 

But I am tired. I need to be even stronger. But I made it tonight. I did OK. I didn't cry. I got angry when it was warranted, but everything was held in check. I made him apologize and admit when he mischaracterized me. I just need a good night sleep. I'm worried about my lawyer appointment tomorrow and stressed out with this crap with my MIL. I have group tomorrow, and the next night I'll be dancing under the stars.

Focus on the future, AP. That pain is not you anymore.


----------



## Matt1720

hugz


----------



## angelpixie

thanks, matt


----------



## Orpheus

Pixelle, I think you're just amped up because of the MiL visit and tomorrow's lawyer visit. You'll feel better about everything with a few hours and some rest behind you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## YellowRoses

(((())))

Engage less Angel, thats all you can do - the less you see him, speak to him, think of him the less he can do to you

Simplify the parenting as much as you can - fewer handovers, fewer possessions moving around, share information by E Mail only.

Take contact to the bare minimum

That would help I think - you don't need to constantly refresh the picture of the chinless wonder and his drippy insensitive prop in your mind.


----------



## unsure78

oh angel im sorry you had a rough night.... hugs..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> I guess that's another part of me fighting back; reminding me that it was truly bad. I'm not making it up. He didn't know me at all. That wasn't me that was living with him. It was what I had to become to get from day to day. I did the best I could at the time. I know that.
> 
> I am not defined by the way he treats me.
> 
> He treats me this way because he is weak. I am strong because I walked away. He hates to see me confident and strong. I know that. He has to bring me down to feel better.
> 
> I am right to stand up for myself. That doesn't make me a b!tch. It makes me a strong woman who isn't taking his sh!t anymore.
> 
> 
> 
> ****************************************************
> I had a 'Stand Up and Cheer' moment reading this, *Angel*. Made me flash back to Norma Rae - not sure why, maybe it's because you both have cute noses  If I was as clever as *Lon*, I would make the sign say "Screw Chinless" instead of "Union"
Click to expand...


----------



## jpr

I am so sorry to hear that once again Chinless is being a complete and utter poop. He is so incredibly manipulative. He tries to tear you down in order to justify his very existence He is so profoundly worthless...sooooo worthless.

I am so sorry to hear about your tough night. ...but, as OldGirl stated above, I am just so happy to hear that you are sticking up for yourself. I am so happy to hear that you are fighting and not allowing him to tear you apart.

Chinless deserves to be knocked down. 

I think that YellowRoses gave some good advice. I know that my mental health has greatly improved since I cut Sasquatch interactions to a minimum. Every couple of months, I relent and try to have a "normal" conversation with him....but, it always ends is frustration and anger. Like Chinless, he has a way of making me feel like my perspective is warped and wrong. 

In reality, though, it's their perspectives that are delusional. You know that though, Angel. Chinless' brain does not work right. He is so screwed up....and he is just such a complete and utter poop. 

I am so sorry.


----------



## YellowRoses

Chinless also has too much time on his hands

He doesn't work does he ? Apart from a bit of photography

Give him a 10 hr a day job, a commute and some actual bloody responsibility and watch him sink without trace. He's one of life's takers - he will keep taking until you (or whoever) are either empty or put the closed sign up and then move on. 

You've got CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE on your porch - keep it there Angelface

His little out of focus 'assistant' can be OPEN ALL HOURS

MIL sounds nice but if she can't tell her son that she will see her DIL and grandchild as and when she likes, then his disfunction has very early roots. Why is anyone afraid of him ? He doesn't hold the purse strings or anything. What can he really do if told to just F*ck Off ?

The only reason he tries to drag you down is because he's already down - you're so much better. He knows it and can't stand it. Thats why he has a rather limp looking 2 dimensional OW and not a real fully developed person. You are filling your potential , he isn't. 

Sorry, Angel I'm a bit fired up for your cause today - I'm sure you know all this already ((())))

Stop being giving and decent - just do the minimum required.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks everyone. It's nice to have you on my side. 

LOOOOONG story short: Chinless took the Trampire out of town to a place I'd always wanted to go to, but he was doing the nice thing by not telling me and sparing my feelings. I laughed out loud at that. He knows now it was also because he didn't have the balls to just tell me outright and risk my getting mad. I laughed even louder at that. Chinless was not amused.

He left DS and his mom, who is not the least bit familiar with our city, and has arthritis and recent back surgery, on their own for two nights and two days without telling me. MIL didn't know I didn't know about it. Chinless thinks I should have put together all the clues he gave me and figured it out, so, yes, you guess it, it's my fault and I have no right to be upset. She didn't rent a car, so they've been taking the hotel shuttle and buses all over town, when I could have been taking them at least some places, and having lunch and/or dinner with them. She thought she couldn't see me. He's telling me she didn't WANT to see me. Once I found out the whole thing and where they were, I did give them a couple of rides and stopped at my place to get some things DS needed (like a toothbrush, Chinless, hello?) MIL was very grateful and happy to see me. She's a great grandma, doing all kinds of stuff with DS, but I could tell she was tired. She kept giving me hugs and kisses and saying how happy she was to see me. Not at all like what Chinless was trying to feed me last night. 

AND her phone went haywire yesterday afternoon, so neither of us could get hold of her, or, consequently, DS. It was a fluke that she did get me one time yesterday afternoon and I met them. 

Chinless and I met at a park near my place to iron out the schedule for the rest of the week, and so he could apologize, he said. Well, yeah, you can guess what that apology was like. Like my Schmoopie video. He's sorry that I was unable to put things together. He's sorry that I was unappreciative of him thinking of me, which he does all the time, as opposed to me, who never thinks of him. Etc. 

I laid down ground rules for future situations, including avoiding the fiasco of Tuesday night and his a$$holery in the way he manipulated that meeting. 

We talked about the settlement in preparation for my meeting today. It makes me hurt (a little) and angry (a lot) at how he thinks of me. I am not a blood-sucking monster trying to take every last thing from him. But even though he says that's not true, when he talks about what he thinks I'll do in the future, it's obvious. That was the time I got the most angry. But I didn't have to say a word. He could tell by my body language how pissed I was, and had to admit that my past actions of taking care of everything when he was sick, and then in school, showed I wasn't out to screw him. 

And yes, you are absolutely right about him, Yellow. You've nailed him.

But I do feel better today. I will be taking DS with me to contra tomorrow night, so that will be good. I miss him. He must miss me, too, because when I asked if he wanted to go with me, he said 'OF COURSE I want to be with you and go to contra, Mom!'


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Thanks everyone. It's nice to have you on my side.
> 
> LOOOOONG story short: Chinless took the Trampire out of town to a place I'd always wanted to go to, but he was doing the nice thing by not telling me and sparing my feelings. I laughed out loud at that. He knows now it was also because he didn't have the balls to just tell me outright and risk my getting mad. I laughed even louder at that. Chinless was not amused.
> 
> ............
> 
> Chinless and I met at a park near my place to iron out the schedule for the rest of the week, and so he could apologize, he said. Well, yeah, you can guess what that apology was like. Like my Schmoopie video. He's sorry that I was unable to put things together. He's sorry that I was unappreciative of him thinking of me, which he does all the time, as opposed to me, who never thinks of him. Etc.


In other words, nothing changes but the date.

He drops little clues and you should just "know" what he's thinking.


----------



## angelpixie

The discussion on the settlement was not altogether fruitless, animosity notwithstanding.


----------



## Conrad

bandit.45 said:


> Hey Conrad and Orpheus:
> 
> Instead of shooting your mouths off and talking big, why not try giving Angel a liitle constructive advice for a change. Beating her down isn't helping.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think she interprets my comments as a beat down.

But, to each their own.

Have a good one bro.


----------



## Lifescript

Angel,

Don't let him bring you down. Each day that passes you are closer and closer to the finish line when one day everything will be settled and you won't have to deal with his lazy ass. 

You're wonderful.


----------



## Orpheus

um... i think my last comment was something to the effect of "everything will look better tomorrow." 

but more to the point, AP you're awesome!


----------



## bandit.45

I'm in a pissass mood today. If I had my way I would ban marriage right now. Forever. 

Excuse the prior nastiness.


----------



## Conrad

bandit.45 said:


> I'm in a pissass mood today. If I had my way I would ban marriage right now. Forever.
> 
> Excuse the prior nastiness.


No worries bro!

Hang in there.


----------



## MyselfAgain

Bandit, if you wanna unload a bit, we're still here. 

Angel, this stuff makes my blood boil. The lack or common sense is astounding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Finally! Back at work where I can relax, lol. 

Lawyer appt: :smthumbup: Got good information on some of the paperwork Chinless and I were hung up on. She's changing the settlement papers to reflect the new housebuying situation. Thinks we're doing 'fantastic' getting things worked out as well as we are. (?!) We can file and have Chinless served while we're in the final throes of the property settlement (which should be quite soon), he has to wait the full 21 days even if he agrees with everything, then the court date could be as early as 1 week after that. It just depends when each judge has openings on their particular 'divorce day.' That court date is the actual date of the divorce. Then it's done. It probably won't be done by the end of September, but probably soon after. 

How does one serve a Sauternes, chilled? I want to be ready to celebrate  

And group therapy right after that. More Radical Acceptance. Yeah, I know, I know already. Sheesh. I'm feeling it more and more, though. When I said I totally accept the divorce as the best possible outcome for our marriage, I thought my therapist was going to stand on her chair and cheer. 

Thank you for all the good thoughts today. I'm so glad I have you guys!


----------



## jh52

"When I said I totally accept the divorce as the best possible outcome for our marriage, I thought my therapist was going to stand on her chair and cheer"

I am standing on my couch - clapping and cheering !!

:iagree::iagree::smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## Orpheus

omg! it's like you're staring down the barrel of Tomorrow!!!!

I find that one can never be too careful with Sauternes. Ample practice must take place well in advance of the big day.


----------



## angelpixie

I'm trying to consider what momentous occasion will have me sampling my Tokaji. Maybe signing my new mortgage? God knows when that happens I'll never afford another bottle of it again! 

Tawny port by a roaring fire. Mmmm. NTS: Must find a place with a fireplace...or a wood stove...or a fake fireplace, I don't care.


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> I'm trying to consider what momentous occasion will have me sampling my Tokaji. Maybe signing my new mortgage? God knows when that happens I'll never afford another bottle of it again!
> 
> Tawny port by a roaring fire. Mmmm. NTS: Must find a place with a fireplace...or a wood stove...or a fake fireplace, I don't care.


Any where that is yours' and DS -- and you call home. That is all that matters !!


----------



## angelpixie

jh52 said:


> "When I said I totally accept the divorce as the best possible outcome for our marriage, I thought my therapist was going to stand on her chair and cheer"
> 
> I am standing on my couch - clapping and cheering !!
> 
> :iagree::iagree::smthumbup::smthumbup:


Thanks, jh -- be careful up there!!


----------



## cantmove

Hi Angel. Sorry things have been rough lately with chinless. I'm glad you got to see your mil though. Sorry I haven't been more supportive the last week orso,been kinda down due to stbx's behavior. Should get better though. I finally told him it wasn't ok. Hopefully he will respect my wishes.
Happy house hunting!!


----------



## angelpixie

cantmove said:


> Hi Angel. Sorry things have been rough lately with chinless. I'm glad you got to see your mil though. Sorry I haven't been more supportive the last week orso,been kinda down due to stbx's behavior. Should get better though. I finally told him it wasn't ok. Hopefully he will respect my wishes.
> Happy house hunting!!


Sorry to hear that, CM! What's been going on? I'm so glad you stood up to him. I hope it doesn't make him act even worse!


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## jpr

You sound like you are right where you need to be, Angel. 

You rock!!!...soooooooo much!

People can't help but cheer for you...both virtually and in reality.


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## angelpixie

Spent last night trying to reconfigure the disaster area that is my bedroom. Where everything get chucked whenever someone needs to go into the rest of the house. (God knows nobody goes in my bedroom but me ) Found a folded paper under my bed. I didn't know what it was, so I opened it. It was a love letter from Chinless. I'd brought the 2 boxes of them from the other house when I moved out because I never wanted him reading the ones I wrote to some other woman and have the two of them laughing at me and at my foolishness. This letter must have fallen out. It was so passionate and sure about us and our future. I remember those feelings. Standing there, in my little rental looking at the detritus of our broken life together, I just felt numb. Like so many of us here, I struggle with this question: were our exes real when we met them? could one person change so much that they are now unrecognizable as being that person we met and fell in love with? or are they in some kind of fog now and that other person is down there somewhere?

Something I've been pondering since group yesterday. One person is an artist, and talked about how, from the moment she takes her clay from the bag, she knows that after months of work on a piece, she may open the kiln door to find a pile of shards. She has to be OK with that from the beginning or she'd never start. When she finds the pile of shards, she assesses the situation: can it be epoxied? OR should she just try to figure out what she might have done wrong and make another piece, *knowing that with her newfound insight, she's more likely to be successful, and that it won't take as long because she'd done it once before. *

I thought about my reactions as she was talking. If I'd opened the kiln to find a project I'd worked my hardest on for months had blown apart, I would panic. I'd know I wouldn't have months to make another one. I would be afraid that epoxying wouldn't hold and it would be ugly and just break again. I would be hopeless. 

Detachment vs. Attachment. Something about applying that to a relationship makes me kind of sad. Like there can't be as deep of a connection if you're always detached to some extent. But the hopelessness and heartbreak that can come from total giving of oneself (and the possible loss of 'self') is worse.

I'm not sure how to think about this just yet. I do know that trust is so hard for me to give, but so easily betrayed. Detachment would have been very helpful.


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## unsure78

i think about that too sometimes angel, detachment vs attachment. i really dont think i will ever be able to be as hurt again as i was by ex. i think trust and attachment is vital for a relationship but the difference for me this time is having my primary happiness come from myselfand not becoming codependent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Chinless just called. Nice car (which I was supposed to finally get today) has a punctured tire. His mom has to switch hotels today, so if we can't get the puncture repaired, we'll have 1 car between the two households and to ferry MIL around. I may have to skip contra tonight. This is the only one til October when they start up again. I really really really needed to get out of here and do something that I like to do. And I'm giving a ride to a friend of mine who had a tough week with court stuff concerning her a-hole ex, and she needs it as much as I do. I already let her know that she may need to get another ride. This really makes me down. I've looked forward to this for weeks.

I will be seeing DS and MiL at a little pet fest in our local park this morning/afternoon. Spur of the moment change, but Chinless has no choice, since he's taking my car.


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## Orpheus

I don't understand why you're making his flat tire your problem?


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## YellowRoses

Because they share the cars and trade them back and forth. Its due back with Angel now.

You're right though. She should just tell him to keep it until fixed and drive the one she has. Getting to and fro without it can be his problem

C'mon Angel , you need to practice being less accommodating  ((()))


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## angelpixie

It's not my problem per se, except that after letting him have the nice car three extra days, I was supposed to be getting it today. He's getting it fixed before he gives it to me. If he wasn't getting it fixed, I'd be having to do it if happened on my 'watch.' That was our agreement.

I wonder if he suspects, as I do, that the damage came when he was driving out to the romantic mountain rendezvous with posOW.

Contra dance friend will drive if I can't, so I won't have to skip dancing. I'm going to invite MIL along since we're not camping.


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## angelpixie

The complicating factor is MiL being in town and having to switch her hotels today. He is going to be moving her stuff while the 3 of us are watching pet antics. 

They can't fix the tire, so he has to get a new set. Luckily, close enough to him buying it that I hope to God he doesn't try to get me to contribute. But more reason for him to say I shouldn't get to drive it. 

It's a very tough balance between saying 'It's only a car, I don't care' in order to save my stress and 'This is still my car while my name's on the loan and I shouldn't give in to him' in order to, well, stop giving in to him.


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## Orpheus

get OVER the car. if he has to "owe" you and extra day on the car to make up for that then do the accounting and tell him to fix it. It's not your responsibility to continue to pick up after him. And now you're supposed to ferry the MiL that you're prohibited from seeing? So that you can't do the one thing that you've been looking forward to for 48 hours? No.

MiL can find another way to the new hotel. either a cab or a hotel shuttle. Chinless can deal with the fact that you need the car that you currently have.


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## angelpixie

Can Angelpixie go through one entire 24-hour period without some kind of f'ing drama? Please? 

I had come to peace last night with not seeing MIL while she was here (Thursday and Friday night having passed, and knowing she and/or I had plans the rest of her visit), and realizing that she has pretty much given her stamp of approval to his new relationship by her acquiescence. I am irrelevant except for being DS' mother. Got it. There's not much else she can do. I understand. Now, it's all changed again. 

FML. I need a vacation where I just do mindless fun things. Drink Sauternes and go dancing under the stars. You know, stuff like that.


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## angelpixie

I know, O. I told you. It's not just that it's the car, or the nicer car. It's about giving in to him. Again. I haven't asked him to make up the nearly full extra week that he's had it. That's why I said I'm ready to just say F it. But that's what I've done for the last bunch of years with him -- just got over it and not asked for anything back to make our relationship more fair. Why should I keep doing _that_? Where do you suggest I strike the balance with that?


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## YellowRoses

Absolutely right Orpheus - he was happy as a pig in sh&t leaving his mum to taxis and buses while he went away for a little shag-fest

Sorry Angel, I am going to be critical - you do allow things to be over complicated to your detriment and to his benefit. Repeat after me and then stick on the fridge - NOT MY PROBLEM  

What about the spare tyre anyway ?


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## Orpheus

"balance" and car are a conversation for a less volatile time. i've already discussed ways to get out from under the car immediately. go back and review them. we can talk about that again tomorrow.

for now. you need to solve NOW. not the mechanics (pun intended). he broke one car so he forfeits the other car until he can affect the swap. in the interim you maintain x car and go about your f'in business. do the thing you planned on tonight. Chinless needs to solve his own problem I can think of a dozen quick fixes but it's not your problem or my problem. stop spoon-feeding this bozo.


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## jpr

Gosh, Angel....you said this perfectly.


angelpixie said:


> .Standing there, in my little rental looking at the detritus of our broken life together, I just felt numb. Like so many of us here, I struggle with this question: were our exes real when we met them? could one person change so much that they are now unrecognizable as being that person we met and fell in love with? or are they in some kind of fog now and that other person is down there somewhere?


I find myself struggling with those same questions....but then I shake it off and remind myself that it really doesn't matter...does it? At least not anymore.

None of that matters. It is over and finished and through.

But sometimes Sasquatch will send me an email where he eludes to the mental and emotional struggles he is having, and then I find my heart aching for him and wondering once more if that sweet, sad, sensitive man that I married still exists deep down in that body of an asshat. 

I am struggling with trying to snap myself out of that sort of thinking today.



angelpixie said:


> Detachment vs. Attachment. Something about applying that to a relationship makes me kind of sad. Like there can't be as deep of a connection if you're always detached to some extent. But the hopelessness and heartbreak that can come from total giving of oneself (and the possible loss of 'self') is worse.
> 
> I'm not sure how to think about this just yet. I do know that trust is so hard for me to give, but so easily betrayed. Detachment would have been very helpful.


The story about the artist and her pottery was just what I needed to hear today too. Thanks for that.

I feel like my walls are definintely up, and that it will take me a long time to truly trust someone again. However, I don't think that I have lost all hope in humanity. I know that I would never betray someone I was in a committed relationship with in the manner that Sasquatch betrayed me...so, I know that there must be other people out there like me. I know that one day I will be able to let down those walls a bit. But, right now, I am not in a place that I am able to truly do that.

I am sorry about the car. But, the tire issue happened on Chinless' watch, so he should definitely be responsible for it--especially if he is going to be taking ownership of the car soon.

Sasquatch took the nicer car when he moved out. My car was still on the loan. I kept my broken down old car. Eventually, Sasquatch refinanced his car and my name came off the loan. He also bought me out of the car. I used that money to put a down payment on a nice used car. I hope that you are able to do that soon. This car issue is just another way that you guys are still tied together...it is another thing that you are "sharing". It would be best to eliminate as much shared property as you can. 

Chinless can rent a car for a day or two if he needs to. Please don't make this your problem. Please. You and your son have plans to go dancing tonight. You NEED to go.

...also...I can't believe that little vapid bimbette could ever replace you in the eyes of your MIL. I don't believe that. Don't put yourself down, Angel. Your tremendousness and speciallness just leap out of my computer screen every time that I read your posts. You are one in a million, and you could never be replaced.


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## angelpixie

I told him I am not going without a car, and am keeping the car I have. He can use the other one with the spare and take care of it himself while MIL, DS and I are at the park. I was supposed to do something this afternoon that is going to be messed up, but I will try to make that work anyway. MIL and DS may have to occupy themselves for awhile. 

I made a back-up plan for contra, so I will go come hell or high water. 

Wish me luck. I'm leaving in a few.


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## jpr

YES!!! :yay:

Good for you. 



Chinless can shove it! :tool:


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## YellowRoses

What they said

Angel, go dance with your boy

Remember what I said a few posts back - SIMPLIFY

You have to stop making complex fixer arrangements as if you are a couple. The car conked on him. He fixes and does without meantime. Its tough but its not unfair. Its life. Most single people can only ever access one vehicle. Take a breath next time a drama unfolds. Think what works best for you and do that (please)

Forgive the driving pun, but you need to put yourself in the driving seat.

EDIT : I seem I'm too late - Angel has kicked ass already YAY


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## Dollystanford

go go Angelface, you need to show this f*cker who's the boss!

it's Angel, and she doesn't take sh*t from anyone, particularly someone with a weak chin


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## angelpixie

Thanks ladies, and gent, (Hi Dolly!! [waves excitedly]) 

As I predicted, he wanted me to pay half for the new set of tires. $775 for the set of 4. I said, OK, if he pays for half of my new windshield. We're trying to argue about this over the phone in the middle of this noisy crowded pavilion with people talking and dogs barking. It was crazy. I was none too ladylike in my language, admittedly, because I was already wound up when he started telling me what he wanted, and the price was way more than I expected. The tires we got for the other car were $400 for the set. 

I thought he was giving me a straight $20K out of the house equity, because that was our original agreement based on the former appraisal, and what he agreed to from me. Since I did so much more work on it already, and would be doing more, I'd have no problem arguing that any overage realized should go to me upon the sale of the house. 

But since he's buying it to stay there, everything changes. I don't want him benefiting from my labor. Finally, he did say he was going by 50% of the equity, no matter what, even if he had to borrow more to make up the difference to me. And he got angry that I assumed any different. I told him I assume nothing anymore. I want to hear it all outright, and then have it written down. Which totally pissed him off. I'm hostile, you see. 

MIL has been a genuine sweetheart. She, DS, my friend, and I are all going to contra tonight. I hope she has a good time. She still wants me to come over to have wine with her (she already bought it, LOL), I'll be picking her up and taking her and DS to Chinless' place tomorrow, and I may be giving her a ride to the airport on Tuesday morning before work. 

The only downer that makes me feel kind of bad (but I'll get over it) -- she was showing me photos of her and DS on her camera, and there were 2 of Chinless and the Trampire with their arms around each other, smiling. It's like it's no big deal that he just tossed me aside and has her instead. Like our years together don't mean anything to anyone except me. 

Another point in favor of detachment from the get-go. Which seems mildly pessimistic, but pretty pragmatic.


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## jpr

Hey Angel...I am glad that you are getting some time with the MIL tonight. Perhaps she will open up and tell you what is really going on in her mind about Chinless and Trampette. 

When my MIL first found out about Sasquatch's tart, she told me that she would never allow "that [email protected]" inside of her home. But, I have a feeling that she would eventually relent. Her son is her son...always. No matter what. I bet that your MIL is probably inwardly rolling her eyes at Chinless' escapades. But, she is probably just trying to keep the peace during this visit.

I love my MIL, but she spoiled Sasquatch and accepted a lot of his bad behavior when he was growing up. She tends to bury her head in the sand. It sounds like your MIL might be similar.

You'll always be her daughter-in-law. She will always love you. ...and it sounds like you two have a very special relationship. 

Have fun tonight. ...please let us know how it goes tomorrow.

By the way...$775 sounds like a LOT for tires. I used to live in the "snow and salt capital of america", and I used to have to get new tires and snow tires all the time for my 4x4 SUV. I never paid that much for tires.


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## Orpheus

good for you, Pixelle, for standing up for yourself. push to end all entanglements not delay them. over. over. over.

if he's taking over the car then he needs to take over all investments in its future. you're done. give him the car and add the balance to the house amount. get it in writing and stop the taxi-go-round.

so so happy that you're still going to dance tonight. that's Awesome!


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## Dollystanford

bottom line - he's her son
my MIL was devastated we split up - I was the daughter she never had. But he's her only child, her son, and she will always be loyal to him. I'm not naive

she made him what he is, and that's a financially irresponsible mummy's boy :rofl:


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## MyselfAgain

Dolly, once again I wonder whether your ex and mine are on and the same. 

Angel, I have nothing to add to the fantabulous advice already given. Just wanted to say hello. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantmove

Dance your heart out tonight Angel. Oh and may I add, $crew him!


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## angelpixie

The good: Dancing was awesomely fun. A couple of my favorite guys were there -- excellent dancers, but they throw some silliness in for extra fun -- and I danced with both of them. MIL didn't try dancing, but everyone was asking me why my 'friend' wasn't out on the dance floor, LOL. She kind of blushed when I told her.  We didn't stay til the end, which is kind of sad, but I appreciate them letting me stay as long as I did. 

The sweet: I danced a waltz with DS, at his request. During it, he reached up to kiss my cheek, and he even tried to twirl me once.  He's still a little too short, and I had to kinda duck. 

The bad: MIL twisted her ankle while DS was showing her around the garden area of the farm. I happened to have a little ice pack from snacks that I brought, and she used that. I hope she's OK. She's still going to be here a few more days. I don't want her to not be able to walk around. 
AND I lost my phone. I cannot find it in the car, but it's dark & all I had was a flashlight. I'm hoping I find it tomorrow. If not, I have to drive all the way up there after I drop DS & MIL off at Chinless' to look for it. I have no idea where it could be. 

The weird: My friend wasn't home when I went to pick her up, and didn't call me til almost 9 to tell me why. Her message cut off 1/2-way through, so I never heard the reason.


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## YellowRoses

Full points to Angel :smthumbup:

Two fingers to Chinless

Are those gold tires by any chance  ? 

PS Can I join the club of MILs with spoilt sons ? I have 2 sons, they are already fed up of me saying its not my job to look after you all your life but to make you able to look after yourself when the time comes. Give them wings I say.


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## cantmove

YellowRoses said:


> Full points to Angel :smthumbup:
> 
> Two fingers to Chinless
> 
> Are those gold tires by any chance  ?
> 
> PS Can I join the club of MILs with spoilt sons ? I have 2 sons, they are already fed up of me saying its not my job to look after you all your life but to make you able to look after yourself when the time comes. Give them wings I say.


Does giving someone "2 fingers" in the UK mean the same thing as giving someone "the finger" in the US?

If so then I concur.

And btw YR if you have been telling your sons that, then you're doing your job. I love the giving them wings saying. Now I'm giving you my version of "2 fingers":smthumbup:


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## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> The good: Dancing was awesomely fun. A couple of my favorite guys were there -- excellent dancers, but they throw some silliness in for extra fun -- and I danced with both of them. MIL didn't try dancing, but everyone was asking me why my 'friend' wasn't out on the dance floor, LOL. She kind of blushed when I told her.  We didn't stay til the end, which is kind of sad, but I appreciate them letting me stay as long as I did.
> 
> The sweet: I danced a waltz with DS, at his request. During it, he reached up to kiss my cheek, and he even tried to twirl me once.  He's still a little too short, and I had to kinda duck.
> 
> The bad: MIL twisted her ankle while DS was showing her around the garden area of the farm. I happened to have a little ice pack from snacks that I brought, and she used that. I hope she's OK. She's still going to be here a few more days. I don't want her to not be able to walk around.
> AND I lost my phone. I cannot find it in the car, but it's dark & all I had was a flashlight. I'm hoping I find it tomorrow. If not, I have to drive all the way up there after I drop DS & MIL off at Chinless' to look for it. I have no idea where it could be.
> 
> The weird: My friend wasn't home when I went to pick her up, and didn't call me til almost 9 to tell me why. Her message cut off 1/2-way through, so I never heard the reason.


Love the good and the sweet. Hate the bad. Hope the weird doesn't turn out to be bad. 

So glad that you had fun dancing last night. Your son sounds awesome. I've never contra danced before but I love dancing. Went dancing with some girlfriends Friday night.


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## jpr

Aaaahhh...Your son! Wow, Angel. He is such a special boy. My goodness, that story just melted my heart. This is just such a testament to who you are and what an absolutely wonderful mother you are. 


I am glad you went...and despite the "bad", it sounds like it was a pretty good night.


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## MyselfAgain

I hope I have a child like yours someday. *sigh*

So glad you had a good night. You deserve it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Well, the 'bad' turned around to good -- my phone must have fallen out of the car up there, and I realized this morning that we also left DS' backpack with his swimming trunks in it up there, too. So we drove up early this morning and got it all. Everyone is so nice in this group. When they saw us a couple of them said they were going to just bring them back to town and send out emails to see whose they were. Which is sweet, but I needed our stuff now. And MIL's ankle is fine. She did get woken up in the middle of the night by some guy who wouldn't take her word she wasn't the woman he was looking for. He kept trying to proposition her through the door. Finally when she said she'd call the police, he got really embarrassed and mumbled 'Sorry' and left. She just thought it was funny. We got to spend a little time together again this a.m., during which I introduced her to my favorite dark chocolate mocha, which she loved, and picking up a couple things she needed before we met up with Chinless and the Trampire. MIL said right in front of them that she was going to call me and that we'll get together soon.  Looks like maybe tonight. 

Still don't know about my friend, but other than that, I'll consider everything a success so far.


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## angelpixie

Took the new wheels out for a spin this afternoon, enjoying a long drive out of town. Taking full advantage of the sunroof, cruise control, and 6 CD changer, as long as I can, lol. Went about an hour away to a riverside spot where I put out a blanket and started reading the book for our bookclub. It's a young adult novel about beauty pageant contestants putting their pretty heads together to figure out how to survive on a jungle island after their plane crashes. Supposedly a funny version of Lord of the Flies.  We'll see.

The area looked to be very popular for fly fishing. I'll have to remember that if I ever learn how, lol. 

And the tires ride smoothly -- as they damned well better for the price.  And believe it or not, that was the cheapest price in town for well rated tires.


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## angelpixie

Had a strange realization yesterday. 

I've noticed that Chinless' wardrobe and 'accessories' have changed a lot since he's been dating the Trampire. He used to have very clear ideas of what he would & would not wear. I used to try to get him to stretch a little bit, and sometimes he would, but not much. 

Well, besides getting super skinny (to where he's so bony he's actually developing a chin) he's wearing some of these things, and weirder stuff I'd never expect. I thought they were jokes or photo props when I saw them in the house or the car, then I saw him wearing them. 

I realized that, of course, he's changing because of her and dressing to look like what he thinks she'll want. 

Yesterday's realization: he's starting to look like her last boyfriend. The hipster one she dumped. He was super skinny, and wore some of the same weird stuff. 

Chinless really does look at times like someone going through a classic MLC, although at a younger age. When it comes to what she wants, he's obviously lost any and all ability to think for himself. So pathetic.


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## Matt1720




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## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Had a strange realization yesterday.
> 
> I've noticed that Chinless' wardrobe and 'accessories' have changed a lot since he's been dating the Trampire. He used to have very clear ideas of what he would & would not wear. I used to try to get him to stretch a little bit, and sometimes he would, but not much.
> 
> Well, besides getting super skinny (to where he's so bony he's actually developing a chin) he's wearing some of these things, and weirder stuff I'd never expect. I thought they were jokes or photo props when I saw them in the house or the car, then I saw him wearing them.
> 
> I realized that, of course, he's changing because of her and dressing to look like what he thinks she'll want.
> 
> Yesterday's realization: he's starting to look like her last boyfriend. The hipster one she dumped. He was super skinny, and wore some of the same weird stuff.
> 
> Chinless really does look at times like someone going through a classic MLC, although at a younger age. When it comes to what she wants, he's obviously lost any and all ability to think for himself. So pathetic.


You didn't think you were the only codependent part of that marriage, did you?


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## angelpixie

I guess that makes me feel better...?


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## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Well, besides getting super skinny (to where he's so bony he's actually developing a chin)


:rofl:

what the hell are we going to call him when he develops a chin?


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## Conrad

Dollystanford said:


> :rofl:
> 
> what the hell are we going to call him when he develops a chin?


Diickhead


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## jpr

The AssHat Formerly Known As Chinless?


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## bandit.45

Dudley Doorite.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

That's an insult to Mounties and cartoons everywhere.


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## Dollystanford

jpr said:


> The AssHat Formerly Known As Chinless?


I don't know, Unsure's ex is THE asshat, you have Sasquatch

hmmmm more thinking needed on this


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## bandit.45

angelpixie said:


> That's an insult to Mounties and cartoons everywhere.


Dudley did have a big chin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr

He is such a transparent, pathetic little twerp. Hipster???  Oh pleeeeease!  

...I want to stomp all over him and his trendy clothes.  I bet he wears skinny jeans, Buddy Holly glasses, and a scarf even if it is 80 degrees outside. 

Ridiculous.


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## 06Daddio08

jpr said:


> He is such a transparent, pathetic little twerp. Hipster???  Oh pleeeeease!
> 
> ...I want to stomp all over him and his trendy clothes.  *I bet he wears skinny jeans, Buddy Holly glasses, and a scarf even if it is 80 degrees outside.*
> 
> Ridiculous.


I don't know the complete story here.

But I burst out laughing when I read that part.

I have a friend like that!


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## cantmove

While we're all thinking about a new name for chinless how about we come up with something for mine? And remember he's a 13 yr serial cheater who said it was my fault. So something really awful.


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## Conrad

cantmove said:


> While we're all thinking about a new name for chinless how about we come up with something for mine? And remember he's a 13 yr serial cheater who said it was my fault. So something really awful.


Cheaturd


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## Dollystanford

cantmove said:


> While we're all thinking about a new name for chinless how about we come up with something for mine? And remember he's a 13 yr serial cheater who said it was my fault. So something really awful.


Give us some of his worst physical attributes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Aside from his atrophying brain.


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## Matt1720

He kind of looks like a sock-sniffer.

You dont even have a picture of him in your albums anymore, I just remember the first time I looked I thought "sock-sniffer"


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## cantmove

Well he has his mothers fat ass and thighs. I still think she's breast feeding him. He can't have an original thought now without checking with her. I'll try to think of more.


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## angelpixie

cantmove said:


> Well he has his mothers fat ass and thighs. *I still think she's breast feeding him. He can't have an original thought now without checking with her.* I'll try to think of more.


OMG! :rofl:


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## Nsweet

This too funny, she's got him under her thumb for sure. I just wrote about the scary warning signs of a bad woman for Husbandinneed92 in 'Not seeing a way forward and wanting to end it' #163. Check it out and see what is in his not too distant future based on what's going on now. Hahaha it's going to be quite a show for you to say the least.

Glad you're doing better Angel.


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## Dollystanford

awww mummy's little soldier!

I guess 'thunder thighs' is too obvious


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## YellowRoses

My mum calls mine Tomcat - she's 77 and I think thats a brilliant non-sweary nickname that fits what he's done. I'm sure she says worse in private


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## angelpixie

So, what have we got:

Sasquatch for jpr
Asshat or Blue's Clues for unsure
Chinless for my STBXH
Tomcat for YellowRoses

We need a definite one for Cantmove (so far, Thunder Thighs or Conrad's suggestion of Cheaturd) and one for Dolly's ex, too. How about The Tosser or The Wanker, Dolly?


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## angelpixie

And where's [email protected]? Haven't seen her in a while.


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## cantmove

In real life I like to call him [email protected] or [email protected] after we hangup on the phone but I guess thats kind of trashy. And I only do that in my head. I thought about mommas boy not sure if it's mean enough or nutless. What do ya'll think?


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## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> And where's [email protected]? Haven't seen her in a while.



She hasn't been on since Aug. 7th. I pm'd her about a week ago and haven't heard anything from her.


----------



## angelpixie

I like Nutless, personally. I think that covers the whole Momma's boy thing, too.


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> I like Nutless, personally. I think that covers the whole Momma's boy thing, too.



Thanks Angel, Nutless it is.


----------



## Matt1720

Rise - SIR NUTLESS

*cacophony of kazoos and tambourines"


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> So, what have we got:
> 
> Sasquatch for jpr
> Asshat or Blue's Clues for unsure
> Chinless for my STBXH
> Tomcat for YellowRoses
> 
> We need a definite one for Cantmove (so far, Thunder Thighs or Conrad's suggestion of Cheaturd) and one for Dolly's ex, too. How about The Tosser or The Wanker, Dolly?


either is good - which is more british? I think Tosspot fits him perfectly


----------



## angelpixie

Matt? I believe we have another ceremony for you to conduct.


----------



## Matt1720

i think CM should mull all of these over for a bit. When she awakens in the morning and screams one of them, we'll know.

my rate is just too steep for having do-overs on these knighting ceremonies, plus having to get a perm is such a drag.


----------



## cantmove

Matt1720 said:


> i think CM should mull all of these over for a bit. When she awakens in the morning and screams one of them, we'll know.
> 
> my rate is just too steep for having do-overs on these knighting ceremonies, plus having to get a perm is such a drag.


love you matt, you're hilarious. oops, is that flirting?


----------



## Matt1720

hold on, let me see if the heartless soul crusher hoop mover minds...


----------



## jpr

oh my gosh, Matt. You made me laugh out loud with your knighting ceremony!

so funny.

I like Nutless for Cantmove's.

Tosspot for Dolly's wanker is good too. 

It is sort of funny...I find myself referring to Sasquatch as "Sasquatch" when I talk to my friends now too. ...and I refer to The Firefighter as "The Firefighter" too...none of my friends know his first name.

So funny.


----------



## angelpixie

A friend of mine made an anagram of her ex's name, which happens to be the first name of a very well-known political figure. She's so used to calling him that now, that she'll say something about taking (political figure's name) to court for child support and people give her all kinds of weird looks. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Lately, Chinless feels he has to identify himself when he calls. Number 1, I have Caller ID, so his name and number come up on the screen. Number 2, the 'Spongebob version of the Darth Vader theme' ringtone gives him away. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 

I have to keep myself from laughing every time I answer and he seriously says "Hello, this is [Chinless]."


----------



## unsure78

Morning all! I just saw Matts knighting ceremony - hilarious! Wait was that flirting?


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> Lately, Chinless feels he has to identify himself when he calls. Number 1, I have Caller ID, so his name and number come up on the screen. Number 2, the 'Spongebob version of the Darth Vader theme' ringtone gives him away. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> I have to keep myself from laughing every time I answer and he seriously says "Hello, this is [Chinless]."


OMG Angel tell me where you got that ringtone from... I think i want to use it for blues clues


----------



## angelpixie

I couldn't find it, so I had to upload my own file:



Darthbob Vaderpants


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Morning all! I just saw Matts knighting ceremony - hilarious! Wait was that flirting?


Only if you find humor the least bit attractive.


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> I couldn't find it, so I had to upload my own file:
> 
> 
> 
> Darthbob Vaderpants


OMG Angel! Im literally tearing up at my desk listening to that... that so his new ringtone- you are awesome!


----------



## angelpixie

Happy to share!


----------



## angelpixie

And I post this with full knowledge that his ringtone for me is probably The B!tch is Back by Elton John.


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> And I post this with full knowledge that his ringtone for me is probably The B!tch is Back by Elton John.


After everything you have done, I don't see how Chinless could possibly ever think of you as a B!tch. That is insane. You have made so many accommodations for him. Anyone can see that you are the furthest thing there is from a b!tch.


----------



## Nsweet

That is so cheesy it's perfect:rofl:


----------



## jh52

Dollystanford said:


> ugh, Tosspot has changed his FB status to 'in a relationship' and someone's said 'hope it's not a geezer' and he's said 'no she's aaaaaallll woman'
> 
> what a tosspot


Dolly sorry !!

Why don't you block Tosspot -- or better yet delete your FB account -- at least for a while.?

Just a thought !!


----------



## Dollystanford

I thought I had blocked him - I certainly have now
but my mother won't because she's nosy and likes to stalk his profile 
so I get all the info anyway ha ha


----------



## jh52

Dollystanford said:


> I thought I had blocked him - I certainly have now
> but my mother won't because she's nosy and likes to stalk his profile
> so I get all the info anyway ha ha


Guess you can't block your mum !!!

or stop her from talking !!


----------



## Dollystanford

god no I would have done that years ago if it were possible


----------



## angelpixie

I'm sorry, Dolly. What an absolute jerk.  I can't believe he could ever think anyone was more 'aaaallll woman' than you, dear. Just shows how ignorant he is.


----------



## cantmove

Sorry Dolly. He is a tosspot. I hate people that say that kind of $hit on facebook.


----------



## angelpixie

Heard a horrible story at group last night. A woman staying at our shelter to get away from an abusive man died suddenly from an aneurysm. She leaves behind 5 kids, ages 7 to 17. Please send kind thoughts to her children. Everyone here is trying to figure out how to help the kids so that they don't have to go back to him and yet can stay together. It just breaks my heart. I can't imagine a worse situation if they had to split up, too.


----------



## In_The_Wind

Dollystanford said:


> ugh, Tosspot has changed his FB status to 'in a relationship' and someone's said 'hope it's not a geezer' and he's said 'no she's aaaaaallll woman'
> 
> what a tosspot


Dolly please define tosspot i am so trying to learn terms from the motherland


----------



## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> ugh, Tosspot has changed his FB status to 'in a relationship' and someone's said 'hope it's not a geezer' and he's said 'no she's aaaaaallll woman'
> 
> what a tosspot


What an a$$... oh wait tosspot.. I think the avenging angels need a world tour of kicking ex's a$$es


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> Heard a horrible story at group last night. A woman staying at our shelter to get away from an abusive man died suddenly from an aneurysm. She leaves behind 5 kids, ages 7 to 17. Please send kind thoughts to her children. Everyone here is trying to figure out how to help the kids so that they don't have to go back to him and yet can stay together. It just breaks my heart. I can't imagine a worse situation if they had to split up, too.


This is so heartbreaking to hear. Those poor kids!...I can't imagine all that they have been through.

If you guys are collecting donation$, send me a pm. I would like to contribute.


----------



## angelpixie

Thank you, jpr! 

Our local Y has set up a fund for them. Here's a snippet of the article and the contact info for the fund:

"This past week, a loving single mother of five passed away unexpectedly due to a brain aneurism. She and her five children, ages 7 through 17, were survivors of domestic violence and had come to Montana to start a life free of abuse. They stayed at the YWCA safe shelter before transitioning into the YWCA’s Emergency Housing Program for homeless families. The family was in the process of finding permanent housing when the mom suddenly passed away. Her five children will be living with their aunt and uncle who are trying to offer a stable, supportive and loving home to them. They are in need of food (precooked meals or other goods), toiletries, Target and/or Walmart gift cards, gas cards, and twin bedding as they make this difficult transition in their time of grieving. Monetary donations to help with funeral costs and other expenses can be made out to the YWCA Missoula. Please bring donations to the YWCA main office, 1130 W. Broadway and contact Rebecca Pettit with any questions at the YWCA, (406) 543-6691 or [email protected]."


----------



## angelpixie

Not sure how this changes our situation, but I just got an email from MiL. I didn't hear any of this from Chinless, but apparently, when they finally got around to talking about her and FiL helping him financially so that he can get the house, she had less than he needed. She told him she'd talk it over with FiL when she got home, and he refuses to help at all. So, MiL is gutting her personal vacation fund (was going to take older SiL to visit younger SiL in October) to help Chinless out. 

This would seem to decimate his plan to buy me out, as he can't get rid of either of his big debts -- the car payment he'd be taking on himself, and his student loan payment. 

I wonder how long it will be until he tells me. He's already known part of it for at least 2 days now, and found out the rest yesterday during the day.

Sigh.


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> Not sure how this changes our situation, but I just got an email from MiL. I didn't hear any of this from Chinless, but apparently, when they finally got around to talking about her and FiL helping him financially so that he can get the house, she had less than he needed. She told him she'd talk it over with FiL when she got home, and he refuses to help at all. So, MiL is gutting her personal vacation fund (was going to take older SiL to visit younger SiL in October) to help Chinless out.
> 
> This would seem to decimate his plan to buy me out, as he can't get rid of either of his big debts -- the car payment he'd be taking on himself, and his student loan payment.
> 
> I wonder how long it will be until he tells me. He's already known part of it for at least 2 days now, and found out the rest yesterday during the day.
> 
> Sigh.


Your ex is a coward -- seems like he always has been and always will be -- so my guess is he won't mention it till you say something about him buying you out of the house. Then he will accuse you and say he told you.

Just be strong === it seems like you can't catch a break and it is always the same old sh!t.

Take care Angel.


----------



## angelpixie

I think you pegged it exactly, jh. Thanks for the good thoughts.


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Not sure how this changes our situation, but I just got an email from MiL. I didn't hear any of this from Chinless, but apparently, when they finally got around to talking about her and FiL helping him financially so that he can get the house, she had less than he needed. She told him she'd talk it over with FiL when she got home, and he refuses to help at all. So, MiL is gutting her personal vacation fund (was going to take older SiL to visit younger SiL in October) to help Chinless out.
> 
> This would seem to decimate his plan to buy me out, as he can't get rid of either of his big debts -- the car payment he'd be taking on himself, and his student loan payment.
> 
> I wonder how long it will be until he tells me. He's already known part of it for at least 2 days now, and found out the rest yesterday during the day.
> 
> Sigh.


oh Angel - he's such a coward, he knows what you'll think of him whether you come outright and say it or not and he's too scared to confront it. Hopefully he will at least be getting a tiny bit of insight into what a loser her is - I mean his mother having to raid her personal savings to help him out? UGH!

Does he have any shame at all? 

He's more like Tosspot than I thought - the £25k he blew in a month was my mum and dad's savings which I have to pay back. And yet he didn't think twice about totally pissing it up the wall


----------



## angelpixie

Well, if he's not ignoring me, he's certainly not _eager_ to tell me the bad news. DS forgot to pack the laptop when he was getting his stuff ready to come back to my place. I ran home for lunch because I forgot my phone, and there was a text that Chinless had sent 5 min. earlier asking if he could just drop it off at the library. I told him I wasn't there, but was at home (5 min. drive away), and I'd let him know when I was back, in case he just wanted to leave it in the car instead of coming in. (My preference) It would have been the perfect pretext to come over and tell me what he learned from his mother and dad. I saw his car in the lot when I got back to campus, and I texted to tell him where I parked. He'd already dropped it off at my desk, instead. He also said he wouldn't be able to fit seeing DS into his schedule today.  Maybe he's scrambling for someone else he can borrow from before he has to tell me. 

It's got to be kind of hard for him to admit. I was worried it would fall through (because I didn't think they had that kind of money laying around), but he was c0ckily certain that it would all happen.


----------



## YellowRoses

He certainly suits his name of chinless

I take it the drippy limpet has no money either ?

No wonder he is out to squeeze you so hard Angel, as he is a man of straw.

At least take huge satisfaction that you are able to stand on your own two feet financially (and in other ways) whilst he cannot fight his own way out of a paper bag


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, I'm sure the TRampire has no money. Whatever she got from her parents (cuz she's not working, either) is probably going for her living expenses in France. 

Oh, crap, I just remembered. She's staying with him now til she leaves the country on Monday. I have to take DS over there before work. And she'll be there. Cuz they're sleeping together in our bed and all that. Grr. I'm a fool and an idiot. But so is he. 

So. Back in limbo. Since he's not asking to talk to me about this setback with his parents, I guess I'll have to 'innocently' ask him how things are going. I had so hoped to be out of this place before winter. I'd like to actually have heat in my bedroom this winter. Yeah, I know, I demand too much.


----------



## cantmove

So sorry Angel that things fell through with chinless. They're all wankers. Especially yours, Dolly's and Unsures.

Nutless came over the other night to pick up son and brought a bottle of my favorite wine. I said thanks and went to put it away he said he intended to have a glass too. I said oh thought it was a gift. He went to my kitchen and opened it plopped down on the sofa and stayed until it was gone. Of course to survive his charming company I had 2 glasses myself. Thats when he informed me that he and son had already discussed that if the hurricane comes up Mobile Bay he will be staying at my house. He then said that satin(aka mil) asked him where would be if there is a hurricane and he told her home of course. "It's not your home anymore you ass". Satan wasn't pleased she thinks he should be with ow. She decided it was ok since he would be there for our son. 

How did any of us survive the insanity that was our lives?


----------



## angelpixie

Jeepers, CM, she really is satan. How could she want him to be with OW? What a biotch. I hope you will be OK this weekend. You must live pretty close to where my late grandparents retired. They lived in Fairhope. 

When will you know if you'll get hit with the storm or not? I'll be sending good thoughts your way -- I know we all will.

I hope you at least enjoyed the wine.  Chinless bought me a cheap bottle as a 'housewarming' gift when I moved into my rental. It was one we drank once in a while, but a.) I'm moving out because we're breaking up! Should that be commemorated with a housewarming gift? and b.) I know he bought better wine to take to friends' parties. 

Wankers, all of them. Yours is no better, CM. He's just as big of a loser.


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> Jeepers, CM, she really is satan. How could she want him to be with OW? What a biotch. I hope you will be OK this weekend. You must live pretty close to where my late grandparents retired. They lived in Fairhope.
> 
> When will you know if you'll get hit with the storm or not? I'll be sending good thoughts your way -- I know we all will.
> 
> I hope you at least enjoyed the wine.  Chinless bought me a cheap bottle as a 'housewarming' gift when I moved into my rental. It was one we drank once in a while, but a.) I'm moving out because we're breaking up! Should that be commemorated with a housewarming gift? and b.) I know he bought better wine to take to friends' parties.
> 
> Wankers, all of them. Yours is no better, CM. He's just as big of a loser.


I'm about 20 minutes from Fairhope on the other side of the bay. What a crazy coincidence. Oh and yes I did enjoy the wine just not the company.


----------



## angelpixie

Took DS to the house @ 11 a.m. as per our plan yesterday. Waited for a while for him to answer the door, which he finally did. In his bathrobe. Apparently he couldn't be bothered to get out of bed with her in enough time to put actual clothes on before his son got there. Sigh. 

I did finally ask him what was going on with buying the house. He had a meeting with the people from the program helping him with his business ("It was so stressful", says he, eyes welling up. ) and got a verbal approval. He admitted that his mom was not going to be able to send all the money or take over the car loan, but didn't tell me just how much less she's actually sending vs. what he told me before. I have to pretend I don't know. He is meeting with the bank on Tuesday to see if he can buy me out. How he's going to have enough to pay me 1/2 the equity at this point, I don't know. It looks like he'll be giving me all of the money he cashes out from my retirement, if that's even enough. 

I don't care if it takes every penny he has. He isn't dealing with mind movies. I am. 

And yesterday, I saw something new about her -- she has multiple tattoos!! Seriously?! I'm being replaced with a skinny tattoed lush who can't cook?! (I don't care if she has a degree in French and can run marathons.) That kinda blows me away. And it just kinda blows.

I had this on repeat this morning:

Mad World -- Gary Jules

But then I got two phone calls from wonderful friends, and that helped a lot.


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> Took DS to the house @ 11 a.m. as per our plan yesterday. Waited for a while for him to answer the door, which he finally did. In his bathrobe. Apparently he couldn't be bothered to get out of bed with her in enough time to put actual clothes on before his son got there. Sigh.
> 
> I did finally ask him what was going on with buying the house. He had a meeting with the people from the program helping him with his business ("It was so stressful", says he, eyes welling up. ) and got a verbal approval. He admitted that his mom was not going to be able to send all the money or take over the car loan, but didn't tell me just how much less she's actually sending vs. what he told me before. I have to pretend I don't know. He is meeting with the bank on Tuesday to see if he can buy me out. How he's going to have enough to pay me 1/2 the equity at this point, I don't know. It looks like he'll be giving me all of the money he cashes out from my retirement, if that's even enough.
> 
> I don't care if it takes every penny he has. He isn't dealing with mind movies. I am.
> 
> And yesterday, I saw something new about her -- she has multiple tattoos!! Seriously?! I'm being replaced with a skinny tattoed lush who can't cook?! (I don't care if she has a degree in French and can run marathons.) That kinda blows me away. And it just kinda blows.
> 
> I had this on repeat this morning:
> 
> Mad World -- Gary Jules
> 
> But then I got two phone calls from wonderful friends, and that helped a lot.


Sorry AP -- one day soon I will read when something goes your way. You are a great person and also a GREAT MOTHER -- don't you ever forget that. Things will change for the better -- and trust me when I say that one day karma will bite asshat right in the ass -- 

Then we will have to call him just hat.

Have a good evening this Saturday.


----------



## angelpixie

Thank you, jh. You are always so positive! I did salvage a good part of the afternoon. I did a big hike that I've only done once before since we've lived here. I didn't take the switchback trail, I took a lesser used one that's more of a steep scramble. I made it to the top, in less time than I did 7 years ago, when I had just had my nose and sinuses operated on and had an easier time breathing. Plus it's kind of smoky out now. So, yay me! 

Here's a photo from the top. Too bad it's so hazy.


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> Thank you, jh. You are always so positive! I did salvage a good part of the afternoon. I did a big hike that I've only done once before since we've lived here. I didn't take the switchback trail, I took a lesser used one that's more of a steep scramble. I made it to the top, in less time than I did 7 years ago, when I had just had my nose and sinuses operated on and had an easier time breathing. Plus it's kind of smoky out now. So, yay me!
> 
> Here's a photo from the top. Too bad it's so hazy.


Thanks AP for the kind words. The photo from the top is breath taking. You live in a beautiful area of our country.

I try to remain positive and upbeat -- and succeed most days. I read somewhere that we all have choices we can make in life -- and one of those choices you can make is being positive or negative. There are times in our lives that things seem over whelming, and one could turn negative -- but when that happens to me, I realize that there are people throughout the world who have it alot worse than me and try to remain positive. 

Talk to you soon !!


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> Mad World


You should sit down to that entire TfF's "Hurting" album, AP. That's where that song is originally from. In fact, i think i'll take that advice as well.




> *Change*
> 
> And something on your mind became a point of view
> I lost your honesty you lost the life in you
> When it's all too late, it's all too late
> 
> We walk and talk in time, I walk and talk in two
> Where does the end of me become the start of you
> When it's all too late, it's all too late
> 
> Change
> You can change
> Change
> You can change


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, O. That's one of my favorites from back in the day. Their version just seemed too peppy (earlier) today. 

How are you doing? I'm making jam like a Suzy Homemaker and listening to some Zep. I like those kinds of dichotomies.


----------



## Orpheus

yeah, um... sadwiched between the erstwhile jovial Pale Shelter and The Hurting, Mad World is a real light fare.

...i ask for more and more; how can i be sure; when you don't give me love; you give me pale shelter...

perhaps you'd put it on your victrola and everything was sped up to 78?


----------



## angelpixie

Victrola tonight? Mom the other night? You'd better watch it, kiddo! :nono: And get off my lawn! 

I was merely referring to the tempo of Gary Jules' version vs. TfF's. I needed something more dirgelike at the time.


----------



## MyselfAgain

Omg Angel, I live the jam and Zep dichotomy! I feel like we would be great friends in person. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Chinless drops DS off an hour late. I'm busy with more jam-making, so I don't really care. I had to ask him about our schedule for tomorrow, since school starts Tues and there's no camp tomorrow. We're splitting the day. He already looks so sad . I confirmed the time he'd be able to take over DS so I could go to work. He said that still should be OK, unless the Trampire's plane leaves late. His face gets even sadder. Jeebus. Surprisingly, his emotion towards her doesn't hurt me. In my life, tomorrow is just another day, and that's what's important. 

He told DS a while back that he'd started falling for her because they'd spent so much time together when his other best friend (also female) moved to Portland this winter. I know that's a lie cuz the timing doesn't line up, but DS is none the wiser. I wonder who Chinless will become infatuated with now that the Trampire is out of sight and out of mind.


----------



## jpr

Ugh. I am sorry, Angel. That has to be hard...Chinless is so transparent, and knowing that he is "sad" because Trampire is leaving has got to be hard. He is such a little boy in so many ways. If he was an adult, he would at least make an effort to hide his emotions around you. 

I wonder how he will occupy his time now once Trampire leaves? :scratchhead: hmmmmm....do you think he will get a job start earning some money for himself like a real adult?


----------



## angelpixie

jpr said:


> Ugh. I am sorry, Angel. That has to be hard...Chinless is so transparent, and knowing that he is "sad" because Trampire is leaving has got to be hard. He is such a little boy in so many ways. If he was an adult, he would at least make an effort to hide his emotions around you.
> 
> I wonder how he will occupy his time now once Trampire leaves? :scratchhead: hmmmmm....do you think he will get a job start earning some money for himself like a real adult?


I suppose that's possible. Supposedly he's been approved for help starting his photo business up for real. Maybe her being gone will actually help because he can't seem to do anything constructive when she's around. 

Speaking of doing something constructive, phase 1 of jam-making is done. I spent all of last night cleaning and pitting the cherries, and then today I cooked and canned the jam. I make all of mine low-sugar, so the way to get it to jell is to keep cooking it til it condenses. That's why I only ended up with 8 half-pints. Plus enough left over for DS and I to put on ice cream tonight.  I'm on my way out to get 10 lbs of local dark sweet cherries now.

How did your salsa-making go, jpr?


----------



## jpr

Wow, Angel. That looks like a lot of work...but, it sounds yummy!

Hot sauce is done.

It is super, super, super, super, super hot. :FIREdevil:



.

.


----------



## muskrat

AP, I just wanted to stop by and offer my extreme gratitude for you staying with me in my darkest hour. If there is ever anyway I can repay you please don't hesitate to ask.


----------



## angelpixie

Got another FB message from former-co-worker-turned-stalker. Wants to know how things are at work. I should let him have it. Since he's been gone, we've been finding that he'd been hiding unfinished work, deleting files for things he was supposed to do, but didn't, etc., etc. One of my best friends got his usual jobs dumped on top of everything else she has to do, which would be bad enough. But now, every day that goes by we find more and more stuff. The guy was a lot like Chinless -- smooth and able to put one over on people. Like, all of our department. 

And he wants to know how things are going?! Did he think we'd never find out? When I ignored him and also his wife's friend request, I thought he'd get the hint. I guess not.


----------



## angelpixie

Chinless is already starting. He was supposed to watch DS til I got off work at 6, later than usual tonight. He texted that he was taking DS someplace and wanted to bring him to my place around 6:30. OK, I can have dinner ready and it saves me a trip out to the house. 7:05 and no message and no them. It's the night before the first day of school, so I don't want DS in bed too late. I text and ask what's going on. They were running 'late' and Chinless asked if DS could eat dinner with him. Lonely already, eh? I told him No, I already had it done because he was supposed to be home 1/2 hour ago. So, finally he gets home. Chinless took him go-kart racing at a place by our house. DS has been wanting him to take him there since it opened over a month ago. We watched it being built, so he's been waiting a long time. Chinless didn't have any time til the Trampire went out of town. Now all of a sudden, he wants to do things 'just the 2 of them.' Chinless will have him for a week starting tomorrow, so why is he trying to take dinner away from me? It's just so transparent. I just don't want DS getting used because his father is lonely for his girlfriend. 

Oh, and they found a whoopie cushion blowing around (we had a crazy windstorm this afternoon), so now that's what my darling angelic 9-year-old is playing with. Apparently he and his man-child father were 'whooping' it up all the way home. 

Classy, all the way.


----------



## jpr

Chinless is "father of the year" when it is convenient for him, isn't he? ....sounds so much like Sasquatch.

Jerk.


----------



## unsure78

Just like Blues Clues... only when its convenient for him to be a father... your boy is smart Angel, he knows it... Just keep being the awesome and consistent mom that you are and it will be fine


----------



## angelpixie

So Chinless has an appointment with the bank as I'm typing this. We will find out once and for all whether or not he can buy out the mortgage. 

An hour ago, as I was heading to a meeting, he called and wanted to know the timetable for the divorce. I told him I had the initial draft of the papers and I was proofing them. He immediately flew into a tizzy and wanted to know how long I had them and why I hadn't shown them to him. Because I wanted to make sure there were no errors first, I said, trying to calm him down. 'I thought we were discussing this and working together on it' I had to keep telling him to calm down before I could say anything. Finally, I think he understood. (Is there 'pulling hair out' emoticon?)

OMG I hope the bank goes along with him. They need to know the program is helping with his business and see the divorce settlement, and the program helping with his business needs to know he's divorced and has the house settled. How we get these people coordinated and satisfied is giving me a massive gut ache. 

Never in my life did I think I'd be so eager to be divorced. Never.


----------



## Conrad

It's like having another child.

Does he have to be so whiny and clueless?



angelpixie said:


> So Chinless has an appointment with the bank as I'm typing this. We will find out once and for all whether or not he can buy out the mortgage.
> 
> An hour ago, as I was heading to a meeting, he called and wanted to know the timetable for the divorce. I told him I had the initial draft of the papers and I was proofing them. He immediately flew into a tizzy and wanted to know how long I had them and why I hadn't shown them to him. Because I wanted to make sure there were no errors first, I said, trying to calm him down. 'I thought we were discussing this and working together on it' I had to keep telling him to calm down before I could say anything. Finally, I think he understood. (Is there 'pulling hair out' emoticon?)
> 
> OMG I hope the bank goes along with him. They need to know the program is helping with his business and see the divorce settlement, and the program helping with his business needs to know he's divorced and has the house settled. How we get these people coordinated and satisfied is giving me a massive gut ache.
> 
> Never in my life did I think I'd be so eager to be divorced. Never.


----------



## muskrat

Maybe chinless should have thought of all this before he ruined the heart of the best thing that he will EVER have.
You deserve so much better Angel!


----------



## angelpixie

As posted on Bandit's Refugees thread (albeit with much more flair) Chinless is indeed approved to buy the house. My relief has not quite set in yet. I'm glad I have group tonight. We'll all cheer together. 

While we were discussing it, he asked if I remembered the date we signed our re-fi. Without even thinking, I blurted out "yeah, our anniversary" -- our 10th, in fact. Pretending to the bank that we weren't separated so that we could get a lower mortgage payment. Signing all these papers as husband and wife on what should have been a milestone anniversary. I couldn't keep from thinking about what I was doing on each moment of that day, ten years earlier. But on the outside, being cool and pretending it was all OK. Even to him. What a nightmare. 

But a good chunk of it is almost over. Thank goodness.


----------



## angelpixie

Yikes! If I thought the smoke was kinda bad during my hike on Saturday, it was awful tonight! Here are a couple of photos I took this evening. The nearest fire is actually 35 miles away.

The sun at 6:30 p.m.









My car after group. That's ash that has fallen from the sky. And it was still falling!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Glad to hear things are moving in the right direction for you angel


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, Up. I hope things will get better for you, too!


----------



## MyselfAgain

How's today going for you, Angel?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Hi, MA! Thanks for asking.  Well, as I could have predicted, I've gotten more emails from Chinless today than I have in months (all about DS and school). And last night, he finally emailed me photos he took of DS ages ago. I know he's only doing it because he's lonely for OW. Whatever.

I'm still just waiting to see what the money situation will shake out like. I looked on the way home last night, and the handy(wo)man special that I had my eye on is still for sale.  I hope it will still be in a week or two. Things have gone crazy before, so I've got my emotions in a holding pattern right now. 

How are you today? Is your back getting better? How's your new job going?


----------



## MyselfAgain

angelpixie said:


> Hi, MA! Thanks for asking.  Well, as I could have predicted, I've gotten more emails from Chinless today than I have in months (all about DS and school). And last night, he finally emailed me photos he took of DS ages ago. I know he's only doing it because he's lonely for OW. Whatever.
> 
> I'm still just waiting to see what the money situation will shake out like. I looked on the way home last night, and the handy(wo)man special that I had my eye on is still for sale.  I hope it will still be in a week or two. Things have gone crazy before, so I've got my emotions in a holding pattern right now.
> 
> How are you today? Is your back getting better? How's your new job going?


Oh I hope you get the home you want! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. 

New job is great...I like my colleagues and the work is interesting and relatively low-stress compared to my last one. Such a relief. I am having a creative dry spell which is causing me problems in my side business, but hopefully it will end soon. I need a vacation, it has been 14 months since I had a week off.


----------



## angelpixie

MyselfAgain said:


> Oh I hope you get the home you want! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
> 
> New job is great...I like my colleagues and the work is interesting and relatively low-stress compared to my last one. Such a relief. I am having a creative dry spell which is causing me problems in my side business, but hopefully it will end soon. I need a vacation, it has been 14 months since I had a week off.


Might I suggest Vegas or Chicago?


----------



## angelpixie

My low-wattage brain is really starting to get to me. Time is flying by so fast suddenly. I look at all the things I wanted to accomplish this summer, and summer is gone. My memory sucks and my motivation and energy level are non-existent. Until I know what's happening with my D and the house, I feel in a holding pattern. 

I want to get in that fall nesting frame of mind. Starting to think of Halloween costumes for DS and me. I think we've got a good one we can do as a pair again. And I have a grown-up one I hope I can make just for me, too. It gives me an excuse to make another corset. 

Before you know it DS' birthday and Halloween will have come and gone, and next will be the holidays. Someday there will be a break. Right? I hope? Please? 

It has occured to me that the actual final D date may be close to the 'anniversary' of his ILYBINILWY speech. I wish he'd just told me then that this was what he wanted.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> My low-wattage brain is really starting to get to me. Time is flying by so fast suddenly. I look at all the things I wanted to accomplish this summer, and summer is gone. My memory sucks and my motivation and energy level are non-existent. Until I know what's happening with my D and the house, I feel in a holding pattern.
> 
> I want to get in that fall nesting frame of mind. Starting to think of Halloween costumes for DS and me. I think we've got a good one we can do as a pair again. And I have a grown-up one I hope I can make just for me, too. It gives me an excuse to make another corset.
> 
> Before you know it DS' birthday and Halloween will have come and gone, and next will be the holidays. Someday there will be a break. Right? I hope? Please?
> 
> It has occured to me that the actual final D date may be close to the 'anniversary' of his ILYBINILWY speech. I wish he'd just told me then that this was what he wanted.


He needed a plan B.


----------



## angelpixie

Conrad said:


> He needed a plan B.


You know, I almost wrote that. Except in his case, I think he wasn't quite hooked up with Plan A yet, so he hung on til he had her. Then he strung me along a good while til he was more sure of himself and of her.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> You know, I almost wrote that. Except in his case, I think he wasn't quite hooked up with Plan A yet, so he hung on til he had her. Then he strung me along a good while til he was more sure of himself and of her.


Just wait until the D is final.

She will make his life a living hell.

Mark it down.


----------



## angelpixie

At least they won't be together to celebrate on the day of the D. That gives me a little bit of comfort. I don't need mind movies of that.


----------



## unsure78

sorry you are having kinda a down day angel  im curious what is your idea for your and DS costumes?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

unsure78 said:


> sorry you are having kinda a down day angel  im curious what is your idea for your and DS costumes?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You do know that Halloween is "the" most important day of the year.


----------



## unsure78

Halloween is awesome conrad... im trying to decide if im going to be supergirl or batgirl, so i can match my DS (at his request of course)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> My low-wattage brain is really starting to get to me. Time is flying by so fast suddenly. I look at all the things I wanted to accomplish this summer, and summer is gone. My memory sucks and my motivation and energy level are non-existent. Until I know what's happening with my D and the house, I feel in a holding pattern.
> 
> I want to get in that fall nesting frame of mind. Starting to think of Halloween costumes for DS and me. I think we've got a good one we can do as a pair again. And I have a grown-up one I hope I can make just for me, too. It gives me an excuse to make another corset.
> 
> Before you know it DS' birthday and Halloween will have come and gone, and next will be the holidays. Someday there will be a break. Right? I hope? Please?
> 
> It has occured to me that the actual final D date may be close to the 'anniversary' of his ILYBINILWY speech. I wish he'd just told me then that this was what he wanted.


Hey AP:

Let me say that even when your POSTS have a somber/down message -- they are coming across from a different AP then when I joined TAM. You are so much stronger now -- and you POSTS read that way. 

You are making the very best of a very bad situation -- keeping the focus on your DS and yourself. There are still bad days ahead -- but I also know that there are many more good days ahead as well. You just need to keep taking things an hour at a time, a day at a time.

Stay strong AP -- you are an amazing mom, person and woman.


----------



## Conrad

unsure78 said:


> Halloween is awesome conrad... im trying to decide if im going to be supergirl or batgirl, so i can match my DS (at his request of course)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They start talking about what they're going to be the DAY AFTER it's over this year.

Just awesome.

My son and daughter were both adopted from the USSR. My son would be ALL OVER Halloween - talking about it non-stop. Just babbling about it over and over until it was time to go get the costumes.

I would smile inwardly because he would have it all planned out. He was going to be Batman and his sister was going to be Robin.

They get back from the store, he's Batman - she's Tom Hanks from Apollo 13 - complete with the Bubble Helmet, etc.

I thought you were going to be Robin...

"I changed my mind"

Every year, my little Lucy would let him plan for the big day and double-cross him right at the end.

If I'd have been wiser, I'd have just told him she was preparing him for marriage.


----------



## Matt1720




----------



## angelpixie

OK, I've decided to do something to get out of these doldrums. It's been God knows how long since I've been to one of my strip tease fitness classes, so I'm going after DS' parent orientation. 

I just realized I used "God" and "strip-tease" in the same sentence. Think there might be a problem with that? :biggrinangelA:


----------



## Orpheus

there's no reason you can't take your Skype family along with you to striptesus.


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> OK, I've decided to do something to get out of these doldrums. It's been God knows how long since I've been to one of my strip tease fitness classes, so I'm going after DS' parent orientation.
> 
> I just realized I used "God" and "strip-tease" in the same sentence. Think there might be a problem with that? :biggrinangelA:


Not in your case AP. Like I said earlier, you are a great mom, person and woman. God has made you special -- so go to your strip tease class and have FUN !!:smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Parent orientation was interesting. Chinless had that lost little boy look that he had last year when we met at school for DS' school events and I hadn't been moved out very long. I'd go sit by myself and he'd come sit by me. He didn't really get involved and get familiar with anyone. 

Tonight, that was surprisingly even more pointed. Where I felt out of place around people in his milieu, he clearly feels out of place around more 'family-oriented' groups. He kept hanging around me, and tried to keep me talking to him when I was ready to walk away and find someplace to sit. I think he expected us both to sit by DS' desk like the married parents. As it turned out, suddenly, my contra dance friend came over. She's had custody issues with her ex, and it looked like they were going to school where he lived. Instead at last minute, the kids are going to school in her district, and her younger son is in DS' class. I was surprised to see her and we gave each other a big hug and started chatting happily about the situation. Chinless was obviously surprised. I still don't think he expects that I have friends, especially new ones. I also saw other women I knew from my DV support group and we all said hi to each other. Instead of sitting by him, I sat by my friend. I felt no obligation to help him deal with the unfamiliar and uncomfortable situation, like he used to ask for when we were together. He looked like a lonely lost little boy, complete with his patented puppy-dog eyes. I guess Trampire's departure left quite the hole in his life. He's even settling for conversation with me.


----------



## Orpheus

Oh Pixiepants, you're so emancipated!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## boxhead201

Halloween is my favorite holiday. In HK, people get a load of my costumes. I had a ball with the family doing Halloween. I won't be anymore. I will not be celebrating this year.


----------



## jpr

Thanks for this post, Angel. I have to go to a baby shower in a couple of weeks. Sasquatch is attending it too. Your post helped relieve a little anxiety about having to attend a social function with my ex present. This will be the first function that we will be attending "separating"....so, I am antipicating awkwardness. Your post boosted my confidence a bit, and make me remember that I have friends too, and I will be okay. 

Once again, you serve as an inspiration, Angel. Thanks.


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> Parent orientation was interesting. Chinless had that lost little boy look that he had last year when we met at school for DS' school events and I hadn't been moved out very long. I'd go sit by myself and he'd come sit by me. He didn't really get involved and get familiar with anyone.
> 
> Tonight, that was surprisingly even more pointed. Where I felt out of place around people in his milieu, he clearly feels out of place around more 'family-oriented' groups. He kept hanging around me, and tried to keep me talking to him when I was ready to walk away and find someplace to sit. I think he expected us both to sit by DS' desk like the married parents. As it turned out, suddenly, my contra dance friend came over. She's had custody issues with her ex, and it looked like they were going to school where he lived. Instead at last minute, the kids are going to school in her district, and her younger son is in DS' class. I was surprised to see her and we gave each other a big hug and started chatting happily about the situation. Chinless was obviously surprised. I still don't think he expects that I have friends, especially new ones. I also saw other women I knew from my DV support group and we all said hi to each other. Instead of sitting by him, I sat by my friend. I felt no obligation to help him deal with the unfamiliar and uncomfortable situation, like he used to ask for when we were together. He looked like a lonely lost little boy, complete with his patented puppy-dog eyes. I guess Trampire's departure left quite the hole in his life. He's even settling for conversation with me.


Well done AP !!

:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

boxhead201 said:


> Halloween is my favorite holiday. In HK, people get a load of my costumes. I had a ball with the family doing Halloween. I won't be anymore. I will not be celebrating this year.


Oh, Boxhead, this made me sad -- are there any things you can do where you still dress up? Around here the adults love costume parties. Do you live in a place where kids come to trick or treat? You can still dress up for that. Don't let your new situation end the things you like to do. You need to still do things you enjoy, just in a different way maybe, and with different people.


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> *Oh Pixiepants*, you're so emancipated!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Just heard from Chinless after his bank appointment. Weird, same bank that I went to, but different loan officers. He's getting a much harder time than I am, so he's going through my person from now on. It should still work, and I shouldn't have to wait for any of the payout (beyond the wait for the cash-out of my retirement, which he's using to pay me part of what he owes me for the car, etc.), except for maybe $2000. 

The only thing that would change that would be if the appraisal comes in really high. If that's the case, he wouldn't be able to afford my 1/2 of the equity, and we'd probably just sell the house. So, whew, things are still moving forward. 

Every little potential obstacle that we can get past adds just a little more certainty that this will turn out. 

Now if I could just feel better. It sucks that I feel sick at the beginning of a long weekend -- the last big fun weekend before fall sets in.  I guess I should look for some DVDs to take home. Maybe I'll check out Downton Abbey and see what all the fuss is about. :\


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> Just heard from Chinless after his bank appointment. Weird, same bank that I went to, but different loan officers. He's getting a much harder time than I am, so he's going through my person from now on. It should still work, and I shouldn't have to wait for any of the payout (beyond the wait for the cash-out of my retirement, which he's using to pay me part of what he owes me for the car, etc.), except for maybe $2000.
> 
> The only thing that would change that would be if the appraisal comes in really high. If that's the case, he wouldn't be able to afford my 1/2 of the equity, and we'd probably just sell the house. So, whew, things are still moving forward.
> 
> Every little potential obstacle that we can get past adds just a little more certainty that this will turn out.
> 
> Now if I could just feel better. It sucks that I feel sick at the beginning of a long weekend -- the last big fun weekend before fall sets in.  I guess I should look for some DVDs to take home. Maybe I'll check out Downton Abbey and see what all the fuss is about. :\


AP -- please take care of yourself. You may just be tired and stressed out with everything going on in your life. Everyday I read your blog and there is some other obstacle you have to face with stbxh.

Maybe you are run down and coming down with something else (flu,cold, etc). Just get some rest this weekend -- enjoy your time -- have some fun if you are up for it. 

You have come a long way in a short period of time -- so I know it sucks being sick on a holiday weekend -- but listen to your body -- it is speaking to you now.

Whatever you do -- have a great Labor Day weekend !!


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, jh! I will do my best. I hope you and Mrs.JH have a good weekend, too.


----------



## Orpheus

AP, I too feel off. Felt awful during my 3.5 hr ride. Had to actually stop on the way home, which never happens to me. 

I think you'll like Downton, particularly if you've ever been a Merchant Ivory fan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Sorry you're not feeling tip-top, O. I think the stress we're under just takes a toll after a while.  Take care of yourself this weekend. 

Thanks for the thumbs-up on Downton -- I do like M-I films.


----------



## Orpheus

Pixiepants, if you're looking for something a little different make a concerted effort to find The Trip (Michael Winterbottom, c.2010). Very funny... road trip with two brits. 

Hope you feel better. I'm a bit more even keel but still not reelin'n'rockin.


----------



## jpr

Maybe it's the blue moon? :scratchhead:...I am feeling 'off' too. 

Feeling very "blue". ....I haven't felt this down is a really long time.


----------



## angelpixie

Sorry, jpr. I know things are bad, and here we are, with a wonderful 3-day weekend we're supposed to be celebrating. Bah.


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> Pixiepants, if you're looking for something a little different make a concerted effort to find *The Trip (Michael Winterbottom, c.2010). * Very funny... road trip with two brits.
> 
> Hope you feel better. I'm a bit more even keel but still not reelin'n'rockin.


OMG -- Steve Coogan is in it?! I *will* find it. Thanks, O!


----------



## Orpheus

It's one of the most interesting and funny things I've seen in the last ten years. Originally it was broadcast on the BBC in episodes. Don't know if they edited it down to package it as a film. But since you're already inboard with Coogan, I think you'll be handsomely rewarded. Also, very very easy to rewatch. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Believe it or not, our public library owns it. It's checked out right now, so I put a hold on it. Yay libraries!


----------



## Orpheus

Have you watched Firefly yet? The Wire, Breaking Bad?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Orpheus

I was a late comer to Arrested Development.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

No, no, no, and no. We didn't have cable or satellite for a long time. But they (Firefly & AD) and a few other series are on my 'to see' list.


----------



## unsure78

It must be the blue moon cause i have been down today too.... i dont know why but i was actually lonely for ex today, i actually just wanted to hang out with him and DS all together like a "family"... wtf is wrong with me? he is an idot an asshat- i hope we all feel better tomorrow
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

That's bizarre that you say that, unsure. I had to talk to Chinless a few times on the phone today regarding the house and some other stuff, and 3 different times I almost called him 'Honey.' I haven't slipped like that in months and months. I didn't feel like he was endearing, believe me, so that made it even more ridiculous.


----------



## unsure78

wow.. im glad you caught yourself... nights like these i would say me, you, jpr and MA all need a girls night out togther....too bad we all live so far...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

That is so strange, Unsure. I, too, have been finding myself longing to spend time as a "family" together. Strange.

I keep wavering between hating his guts and wanting to spend time with him.

What is wrong with me? Ugh. 


...by the way..I am a HUGE fan of Firefly and Arrested Development. So good.


----------



## MyselfAgain

I would loooooove girls night with you guys. Hells yeah. I wknd currently stuck in the back of a minivan with three hyper kids on the way to the beach. We got kinda lost gying to avoid traffic and have been in the car muuuuch longer than expected. Hope to be there soon, cause these kids need to air themselves out!

It is weird being a single girl going on weekend vacation with two casual friends and their kids. But I don't say no to much these days...can't say I'm not trying to have a life! And it's always an adventure.

Angel, check out Battlestar Gallactica at some point too. It looks very scifi-ish, but is really all about the human condition. Very very cool.


----------



## 06Daddio08

MyselfAgain said:


> I would loooooove girls night with you guys. Hells yeah. I wknd currently stuck in the back of a minivan with three hyper kids on the way to the beach. We got kinda lost gying to avoid traffic and have been in the car muuuuch longer than expected. Hope to be there soon, cause these kids need to air themselves out!
> 
> It is weird being a single girl going on weekend vacation with two casual friends and their kids. But I don't say no to much these days...can't say I'm not trying to have a life! And it's always an adventure.
> 
> Angel, check out Battlestar Gallactica at some point too. It looks very scifi-ish, but is really all about the human condition. Very very cool.


Don't say no to much you say...


----------



## Orpheus

Oh jpr, it's like a combination of Muskrat + me would be the perfect man for you. We could truss you up with yarn and tell you fishing stories. Once we got you good and drunk. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Orpheus said:


> Oh jpr, it's like a combination of Muskrat + me would be the perfect man for you. We could truss you up with yarn and tell you fishing stories. Once we got you good and drunk.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hahaha. But, Orpheus, you are just a "yarn tease"..

Yes!...you two, indeed, would make a stellar combination. 

But, nope. :nono: No men for me...my heart is firmly secured in the middle of my chest, barricaded and booby-trapped. No one is getting in here for quite some time.  ...at least not while I am sober anyway.


----------



## Orpheus

Shiny.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Hey, you two (three?) take it to your own thread.


----------



## Orpheus

C'mon Pixiepants... You know I'm just loitering until you got back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Silvertongue.


----------



## jpr

That talk about Arrested Development reminded me of that scene where Tobias was talking about how he was an "Analyst" and a "Therapist". The world's first ...
Arrested Development - Analrapist 1 - YouTube

hahahaha.

I loved that show. So funny.


----------



## Orpheus

and to seed your desire for Coogan... here's an innocent bit from The Trip. There are some classic bits on Youtube so i'll caution you against diving in for more.

You're Stuck In A Metaphor - The Trip, Episode 6 - BBC Two - YouTube

re Tobias, David Cross is a genius.


----------



## Lifescript

Angel, 

You inspire me. Just wanted to come here and say that. Keep doing it because you are doing it well. 

Cheer up! Have a nice weekend!


----------



## angelpixie

Aww, thanks, Script! You're a sweetheart.


----------



## Lifescript

Thanks, 

 

Little by little you are getting to the finish line.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nsweet

Angel dear, sorry you're not feeling well. 

If you're starting to feel sick take advantage of some zinc lozenges along with some extra sleep where you can get it and plenty of water to flush the system. You may not feel better as quickly as you'd like but if you get started now you'll be able to enjoy what little time you can get without coughing and hacking or sleeping through the day.









Btw every time you mention "Chinless" dressed the way you described. I picture Ned flanders Dad. Lol:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, Nsweet, that made my entire night -- Chinless and his French tart! :rofl:


----------



## jpr

hahahahahahahaha. That picture is PERFECT, NSweet. PERFECT!

hhhahahahaha. 

....hipsters annoy me sometimes. (A few people can pull it off....but, most people just look like they are trying too hard when they dress like a hipster). I think that I would be annoyed by Chinless if I knew him in real life.


----------



## Nsweet

Now if only you could find about $30-$50 bucks and locate that guy sketching caricatures at your local beach or mall. Hypothetically you could give him a pic of your [email protected] ex and his hooker and another of the pic above and let him work his magic. Not saying I would, but here's what I would do.... Get the fantastic sketch done and make a couple copies. Angel, you're an artist so you should be able to paint it perfectly or just leave it black and white and scan it into your computer. You take it from there and have it printed on a couple t-shirts. Viola, the ex t! Enjoy!:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Well, DS is definitely feeling better this morning. He came bopping into my room at 7:30 (!) saying, in a silly voice, "Ding ding, you've got mail! That's my way of telling you I'm awake. Get it? Mail? Male? (giggles on his way back out the door) Oh, where's that Nat Geo magazine you showed me last night...?" (The one that he'd 'never again feel good enough to read' as of last night? ) Yep, he's feeling better.


----------



## jpr

I am glad your son is feeling better, Angel. How about you? How are you doing?


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, thanks for asking, jpr. I slept a little better, but I sound like a frog and my cough is a bit worse. So, hopefully, this just means whatever I have is just working it's way through and I'll feel good enough to go back to work on Tuesday. Did you have your Scrabble Sisters group last night or is that tonight?


----------



## jpr

It's tonight. I need to get working. Cleaning. I get my son at 3. So, my house needs to be sparkling clean by then. 

...need to get to work.


----------



## angelpixie

Have fun tonight!


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmm, brainstorming here... I think I should put together a manifesto of some sort, regarding common patterns females get into regarding relationships. It comes about from cultural conditioning, family-of-origin brainwashing, etc. It leads women into a mindset of guilt, shame, self-denial, and subservience. I even know what I'm going to call it:

*No More Nice Girl* or *NMNG* for short

It must always be written in red, which is a power color, and never in pink, which is a color of weakness and immaturity. No more Betty Beta!

Yes...I think I'm off to a good start here...


----------



## Orpheus

Didn't [pink]Camille Paglia[/pink] already pioneer this for you. Now if you're just wanting to be more of a bad girl, I think I can help you with that. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> Didn't [pink]Camille Paglia[/pink] already pioneer this for you.


Bringing her up is so not OK with me. Besides, she talks too fast. 



Orpheus said:


> Now if you're just wanting to be more of a bad girl, I think I can help you with that.


Hmm...does this fit into the *NMNG* roadmap to enlightened womanhood? Why, yes, I think it does. :smthumbup:


----------



## MyselfAgain

I support you 100%, Angel. Let me know if I can be of any help researching. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Rah Rah, Angel! I am behind you 100%....even though I have no clue who Camille Paglia is.


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Hmmm, brainstorming here... I think I should put together a manifesto of some sort, regarding common patterns females get into regarding relationships. It comes about from cultural conditioning, family-of-origin brainwashing, etc. It leads women into a mindset of guilt, shame, self-denial, and subservience. I even know what I'm going to call it:
> 
> *No More Nice Girl* or *NMNG* for short
> 
> It must always be written in red, which is a power color, and never in pink, which is a color of weakness and immaturity. No more Betty Beta!
> 
> Yes...I think I'm off to a good start here...


:smthumbup: Looking forward to reading it!


----------



## angelpixie

Yeah, well, back to reality, AP. Never ever forget for a moment that Chinless left you for posOW and that he is treating her like he never treated you, and is now living in fairy-tale happiness, complete with vacation in France. Yep, like we all predicted, he is going to France for a 'photo shoot' (I gag as I type that) for *2 full weeks*. Granted, he will be staying with the Trampire during that time, but he will still have to pay for food and for airfare. He will be gone shortly after DS' birthday in October and will not be here for Halloween. The first time he won't be a part of it for DS. I wonder if he'll even be here for DS' birthday party -- we have often had it on the Saturday after his birthday. He already arranged with his other female 'best friend' (before telling me about the trip) to have her watch DS during what would have been Chinless' week, though he told her I get first refusal. But somehow, he thought I would say no (?!). He was surprised when I told him that, aside from a few times I might ask posBF to watch DS, I would want him the whole time, and that I'd want an additional portion of DS' benefit for the extra food, gas, etc., that I would incur. He got all flustered, and told me he already agreed to pay those things to posBF. "Yes, I know, I'm only asking for the same thing," I told him. 

I am very proud of myself that I was very matter-of-fact with him. I told him I am still planning on a weekend away at some point, though with this trip and a trip with DS to visit his family my time choices have been limited. 

I realized while I was on the phone that, yes, most likely he will indeed be with posOW, in Paris no less, when the D happens. I will be alone with DS, therefore unable to really even express my emotions, much less spend time with any other adult, while the two of them are sharing time in the most romantic city in the world. Two years ago, he would never have dreamed it would have turned out so well for him. 

I feel like such an idiot and such a fool. After all the years and all the struggles and after how much I loved him, this is how it ends. It all just makes me so, so sad. I feel grief like I haven't in a long time. This is the time that, after all of the crap of the last several years, we should be going on a trip, just the two of us. Instead, I am used up and alone, and this tramp is being treated like some kind of princess. 

I wish I'd been smarter years ago and never walked into this believing it was anything more than a legal contract that could be broken by either party at any time, without consent of the other party. That sure fits reality better than what the vows say, even the ones we said in our first ceremony before the J.P. People would say that a couple wouldn't make a definite commitment that way, if they thought of it as being so easy to walk out the door. The reality is that it IS so easy to walk out the door. Anymore, there really is no difference between people who get married and people who live together, except that people who marry stand to possibly lose more when they divorce, and if they do take their vows seriously, they might hurt more because they thought they had something more permanent.

How many of us here on TAM are or have been in such gut-wrenching emotional pain because the commitment we thought we had was thrown away so lightly, and we had nothing to say or do to stop it. Worse, if we had children or pets we shared, we now had to go from having them every day to possibly going days or weeks without being able to see them. 

Years ago, I had thought about adopting as a single woman, because I didn't want my child's father or a judge telling me how I could be a parent when (not even if) a divorce were to happen. Every woman I knew was being left, and dealing with this issue with her child(ren). Unfortunately, I met Chinless, and because of the other issues in my life, I chose to believe him and to ignore any red flags I saw. I cannot ever truly regret marrying him because DS is such a combination of the two of us. But I started thinking this would end years ago, before he had his breakdown. I couldn't have supported DS by myself then, and I knew I'd lose even partial custody. I took a gamble that I could finish getting an education for a better job before he decided to leave me for someone else. I knew in my heart that was inevitable then. But then he had his breakdown, and I had to quit school and I chose to take care of the man I loved. I would have done anything for him. I thought, like a fool, that going through that together would make us closer. It did not. He had 1 more very long EA and a couple of shorter ones, and was even more psychologically abusive. I didn't think I had anywhere else to go, or that I could make it. I felt like a nothing. When you've emptied yourself for someone, and they still choose someone else while telling you why you deserve it, how can you feel like you're worth being happy or loved with someone else?

Part of me still feels like this isn't fair. He's truly being rewarded for being a royal arsehole. Nobody would look at the major areas of his life and disagree. Even with his health -- he has insurance, he's on meds, he gets along much better than other mentally ill people I know personally. They are struggling to get, and are denied, half of what he's getting. 

But fairness isn't something we are guaranteed. I know this. There are many people in far worse conditions than I am. I have to ignore how happy he is and make my own happiness. I made choices, but so did he. My choices just turned out to be more foolish towards my own welfare. He's not making that same mistake. I guess, in this area at least, I need to follow his example, for my good and DS'.


----------



## MyselfAgain

Angel, that was a brilliant post. You are so right -- there is nothing fair about the situation you are in. That is the truth for many of us. Some will say that even though he seems all happy right now, you will be the one who wins in the long run. I believe this, for you, for me, and for our friends here.

It is interesting to me how many people come here for a while, and then disappear when they feel they have gotten enough out of it. Maybe they are dating now, so they see their journey differently.

Personally, I feel like I need the support indefinitely. I am struggling to learn how to be happy single, and how to value myself even though I don't have a family. I hope you know, Angel, how much you are NOT alone. I am tearing up while I type this! I don't know what I would do without you guys. :/

I had a point though, I swear! I Think it was that Chinless may seem happy now, but he won't be forever. He will treat the Trampire as he treated you, in time. He may be already, who really knows? And now it will be her problem. Someday she may be jealous of you for getting out when you did. Or she will just settle and stay with him, and put up with his sh**. Buy there is no way that a man so messed up could really treat another woman like a princess after the way he treated you. He is thoughtless. He is self-absorbed. He will never be permanently happy. But you are self-aware, so you have already won half the battle. Please don't forget that.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, MA. I really try to remember that, and I try to remember that in the beginning, he treated me really special, too, before he changed so much. Logically, I know that. But I think you know that there's that gulf between what we know and what we feel. Maybe part of this journey is learning how to bridge that gulf. 

Hugs to you, sweetie. You aren't alone, either -- you have lots of people who care about you.


----------



## Conrad

Pixie Dust,

From what you've described, he's in a very precarious emotional place in the City of Lights.

This doesn't end well for him.

But, that's not what's important, is it?


----------



## Conrad

MyselfAgain,

Chinless won't do that to posOW.

She will do to him what she did to her last beaux.

Mark it down.


----------



## unsure78

Angel ((hugs)) you and jpr always have the most insightful posts. You know Angel in the end you, and the rest of us here, will be happier than our posEXWHs, and you know why because we are working on ourselves and our happiness will come from within, not be fully dependent on another.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MyselfAgain

Unseen, that is exactly the part I am struggling with the most right now: how to be happy on my own. To not feel something is missing in my life if I don't have sex/romance/children/intimacy. All the things that make life worth living for me. Ugh.


----------



## angelpixie

MA, don't give up -- when you find the (truly) right person, you may find all of those things. Like Unsure said, we will all be in so much better shape the next time around because of the heart-wrenching we've been through now. Hang in there!!


----------



## cantmove

I haven't been around much lately. Well I have been here just not posting. I don't feel like I have much that is helpful to say right now. But please know Angel, myself, unsure and jpr that I'm thinking about you guys and hating the crap that you're going through. I think all of you are so strong and amazing.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, CM, we're just glad you and your son made it through the hurricane OK (no thanks to Nutless  )


----------



## bandit.45

I think I'm gonna have a "nervous breakdown", quit working, find myself a sleazy girlfriend and live off the government tit.....

....I've always wanted to go to France. If it worked for Chinless, well hell.... count me in!


----------



## sadwithouthim

It is good to hear you are ok Can't. 

I keep thinking, one day into the future these years won't matter any more. 

Glad you are well from the storm too. We were suppose to get loads of rain from its remnants but hardly got anything. 

Thinking of you Cant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

bandit.45 said:


> I think I'm gonna have a "nervous breakdown", quit working, find myself a sleazy girlfriend and live off the government tit.....
> 
> ....I've always wanted to go to France. If it worked for Chinless, well hell.... count me in!


Can I be your sleazy girlfriend? I've always wanted to go to France, too. Being a faithful wife didn't get me there, so maybe this will...


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Can I be your sleazy girlfriend? I've always wanted to go to France, too. Being a faithful wife didn't get me there, so maybe this will...


bandit.45 and posPixie?


----------



## angelpixie

Would I still have to be pos if neither of us are married (well after the next month or so?)


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Would I still have to be pos if neither of us are married (well after the next month or so?)


Is a sleazy girlfriend always a pos?


----------



## angelpixie

Well, Bandit didn't ask for a sweet angelic gf. I don't know if that would get me to France, either. I could be sleazy and faithful.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Well, Bandit didn't ask for a sweet angelic gf. I don't know if that would get me to France, either. I could be sleazy and faithful.


Sleazy and faithful?

Do I see a line forming?


----------



## angelpixie

:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Sitting inside on an achingly beautiful day. The sky is deep azure with no hint of smoke or haze in the air, and the temperature is perfect - 75 degrees. I wish I could be out hiking again instead of trapped in my cubicle. But then I remember I wouldn't be able to breathe well enough to hike anyway.  So hopefully this will continue til Saturday afternoon! That would be lovely.


----------



## unsure78

Hi Angel! What are you doing sat afternoon?


----------



## angelpixie

Hi Unsure! Starting tonight I'll have DS all week except for Saturday, beginning around noon. I figure that will be the first chance I get to hike the hill I did a little over a week ago (the pics I posted earlier). My goal is to just keep doing it and decrease my time each time. I would think my chest will feel better enough by then, too. Hiking without breathing is generally not recommended, lol.


----------



## unsure78

Nice! I did see the pic... still getting over your cold?


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, but it is clearing up pretty quickly, thank goodness. I can only attribute it to living by myself, or more specifically, *not* living with Chinless.


----------



## jpr

Oh, Angel. I just got caught up on your "news".

ugh.

How can Chinless possibly afford to go to France????? :scratchhead: He doesn't have a job, for goodness sakes! I don't get it.  I can't even afford to buy fancy beer at the grocery store. ...It just doesn't compute with me--how can he possibly afford this? 

What a putz!



Whatever.  His debts will come due....eventually. ...and he will have to pay up--for all of them! 

Gosh! He is just SUCH a child.


....but, I am looking into my crystal ball right now...and I foresee that you will be making a trip to France with someone authentic and genuine and worthy of your affection in the future. Just wait, Angel....it WILL happen. I know it. It HAS to happen. 

Good must triumph!.....right? 

But, in the meantime, it is very irritating that Chinless "gets" to go on this trip. ...but, Trampire turns my stomach almost as much as Chinless does. I will never understand how these young girls think that it is okay to parade around town with a married man and his child.  Who do they think they are? ...and it is irritating when other people act like it is "okay" for them to do this. What is wrong with the world? ....why is this okay? Why is it okay to flaunt your adultery like that?...Why is it okay to flaunt the fact that you helped break apart a family? Trampire is just so self-consumed and image conscious...superficial. 

* JPR steps down from her soapbox*

Conrad is right. She is going to drop him. I don't think these two will live "happily ever after". No way.


----------



## angelpixie

As I posted on Bandit's Refugees, my wallet was stolen at group tonight, as was the phone belonging to the center's director. Hopefully, I'll get it back, but I've already called the banks to cancel the debit/credit cards. The only one that wouldn't do it over the phone is the one that is still mistakenly in both my and Chinless' names. I told them over the phone to take him off, and they told me they did, but in actuality they were supposed to tell me I had to close the card and apply for a new one. So now, this card and the balance on it are going against him on the house loan. He's pissed about that, and now the card's been stolen. FML.

I've never been one for crazy carnival rides. I don't like this one, either.


----------



## Matt1720

Dislike


----------



## angelpixie

How's the planning for Floozipalooza going? I love the Lisa Frank date planner, lol


----------



## angelpixie

Why do the slumber gods only allow me 4+ hours of sleep. I'm having DS' friend over after school & for dinner today, too. And I still have no clue how to get the TV to work with the nintendo. Groan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Why do the slumber gods only allow me 4+ hours of sleep. I'm having DS' friend over after school & for dinner today, too. And I still have no clue how to get the TV to work with the nintendo. Groan.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pharmacist to Pixie

Diphenhydramine generic (cheap!) antihistamine

2x25mg anytime you cannot sleep.

Completely safe.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Why do the slumber gods only allow me 4+ hours of sleep. I'm having DS' friend over after school & for dinner today, too. And I still have no clue how to get the TV to work with the nintendo. Groan.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does your TV have component 1 and 2 spots labeled in the back? If it has one in the front that should work as well.

I'll assume the nintendo doesn't have hdmi cables lol.

Match the colored ends of the cables to the colored ports on the TV (make sure you stay in the same component spot)

So red to red, yellow to yellow etc.

Make note of what spot they are plugged into (component 1 etc) and then use the remote to switch the TV to that.

Some remotes say input, some say source. 

Hope that helps lol


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, Conrad & Up -- I will definitely take a look for the source/input on the remote. I got the tv for free without its original remote, so I bought a universal one. I got the code figured out to turn it on & off, but when I plug the cords in for the nintendo, the tv doesn't 'recognize' it.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Thanks, Conrad & Up -- I will definitely take a look for the source/input on the remote. I got the tv for free without its original remote, so I bought a universal one. I got the code figured out to turn it on & off, but when I plug the cords in for the nintendo, the tv doesn't 'recognize' it.


There's usually a button on the TV as well that changes the input.

You are looking for "Line 1" or something like that.

If there's no button on the TV, it's likely buried around channel #1

So, go to channel 2 and start flipping channels downward.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks! I'll give that a try!


----------



## Conrad

There are times in life that only Nintendo will satisfy.


----------



## unsure78

Im with you Pixie no sleep last night (and not for the good reasons) I have never been a great sleeper but ever since all the [email protected] went down in my marriage, have a hell of a time staying and falling asleep. Especially when not in my bed and I forgot my ambien at home last night


----------



## Conrad

unsure78 said:


> Im with you Pixie no sleep last night (and not for the good reasons) I have never been a great sleeper but ever since all the [email protected] went down in my marriage, have a hell of a time staying and falling asleep. Especially when not in my bed and I forgot my ambien at home last night


No sleep "elsewhere" is a real bummer.


----------



## angelpixie

Nutella makes almost anything better. Sigh.


----------



## unsure78

Wonderful left overs for lunch of grilled steak, potatoes, and green beans the awesome engineer made for me also make life better... 

you know i have never tried nutella... I think i must


----------



## bandit.45

Try dipping bannanas in nutella and then freeze them. Pretty damn good.


----------



## angelpixie

Hey, sweetie! (waves)


----------



## jpr

Hey Angel...what happened with the wallet? Did you ever find it?


----------



## angelpixie

Nope. Sigh. Had to cancel all the debit & credit cards (one bank charges $10/card and I have 2 there  ) I talked to a couple of the ladies that I know at the Y and they think they know who it was -- someone who has never been there before and was very hostile to everyone. I didn't recognize her either, but I didn't know if it was someone who just hadn't been there since I'd been going. If she's a transient, then I don't hold out much hope of getting it back. Luckily I don't keep my work I.D. in that wallet. It's my only form of photo I.D. now. Grr. Oh well. Many people have been thru this, and at least it doesn't look like it was one of the ladies I know.


----------



## jpr

Awwww....I am sorry, Angel.

Man oh man! Your life! Wow. So many ups and downs. You should sell the rights to your life story...I think you could probably play it up and make it into a light-hearted sitcom with a little tweaking. 


hmmmm...who should we have play Chinless? ...hmmmm..:scratchhead:

hmmmm....:scratchhead:

Maybe that guy who plays Kenneth on 30 Rock? ...I wonder what he would look like as a hipster? ....:scratchhead:


----------



## Orpheus

David Schwimmer?


----------



## muskrat

The question is who will play AP?


----------



## jpr

muskrat said:


> The question is who will play AP?


hmmmm...someone who is intelligent....and beautiful...and intriguing...hmmmmm....

Michelle Williams?...no.

Natalie Portman?...no. Kate Winslet?...hmmm..Emma Stone?

Oh! I know. That really beautiful lady who was Inception. The one who played Leonardo DiCapero's wife. She is gorgeous and seems to have depth. 

hmmmmm...none of these are quite right. 

We need a young Mary-Tyler-Moore type.


----------



## 06Daddio08

jpr said:


> hmmmm...someone who is intelligent....and beautiful...and intriguing...hmmmmm....
> 
> Michelle Williams?...no.
> 
> *Natalie Portman*?...no. Kate Winslet?...hmmm..*Emma Stone*?
> 
> Oh! I know. That really beautiful lady who was Inception. The one who played Leonardo DiCapero's wife. She is gorgeous and seems to have depth.
> 
> hmmmmm...none of these are quite right.
> 
> We need a young Mary-Tyler-Moore type.


Yes please!


----------



## angelpixie

Please just don't break my heart and say Meryl Streep.


----------



## Orpheus

Clearly it's one of the Deschanels.


----------



## OldGirl

muskrat said:


> The question is who will play AP?


Christina Hendricks. 

This is how I see you ever since you posted that picture of you in that retro dress.


----------



## unsure78

OldGirl said:


> Christina Hendricks.
> 
> This is how I see you ever since you posted that picture of you in that retro dress.


good call Oldgirl 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Matt1720

beep beep awooooogah.
huminah huminah wowweeee


----------



## angelpixie

Matt1720 said:


> beep beep awooooogah.
> huminah huminah wowweeee


:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

You have a way with, um, words, Matt!


----------



## MyselfAgain

Hey guys


----------



## angelpixie

Your choices are all very interesting. I have to say I like something about all of them, though they all outshine me by a mile. 

I wonder about Kenneth with a beard...or maybe Jack from Will & Grace...


----------



## angelpixie

Hey, MA!! I'll catch you all later. I'm off to dance class.


----------



## Matt1720

hi MA


----------



## angelpixie

To paraphrase the Bard: 

Off, damned cough.


----------



## angelpixie

Update on my (latest) theft. Director of the Y called yesterday; she got her phone back and other things (!) that were taken have turned up, too. There is a suspect, but she doesn't admit to anything with my wallet. It's probably in a dumpster somewhere, when she found there was no cash in it. Sigh. I keep forgetting about not having anything. I had a basket full of groceries, then realized I only had my work I.D. to use with a check. Luckily it's a market near my house and I think they recognize me. Somehow I have to get the time to go get a new license/temp I.D. today. 

I might have overdone it at dance class last night -- and they had the heat on, besides. We were dying in there. Ugh. And it doesn't help one's physical self-esteem when two of the other class members are willowy nearly-6-feet-tall twins with naturally curly strawberry blond hair. Who are nice, on top of it. At least if they were b!tchy, I could dislike them.   It was fun as always, though.

At least it's Friday, right?! :smthumbup:


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> two of the other class members are willowy nearly-6-feet-tall twins with naturally curly strawberry blond hair. Who are nice, on top of it.


i feel like you glossed over this part. in order for us to truly engage in the dialogue, perhaps you could tell us in more detail. slowly.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> And it doesn't help one's physical self-esteem when two of the other class members are willowy nearly-6-feet-tall twins with naturally curly strawberry blond hair. Who are nice, on top of it.


Where exactly was this?


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> i feel like you glossed over this part. in order for us to truly engage in the dialogue, perhaps you could tell us in more detail. slowly.





Conrad said:


> Where exactly was this?


 Thanks for your support, guys. I know I can always count on you.


----------



## Orpheus

We're here for you Angel!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

I think the blonde twins are probably both lesbians angel

oh that probably doesn't help


----------



## angelpixie

Yikes! And we gave each other lap dances last week!!


----------



## Dollystanford

where do I sign up?


----------



## Matt1720

we definitely need more STFC updates


----------



## angelpixie

What do you want to know?


----------



## muskrat

I want to know if you all need volunteers to practice on....sign me up!
Oh and the other guys can have the 6' blonds, I'll take AP!


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> What do you want to know?


They wants details, Angel. Details. 

What were the twins wearing? What were you wearing? Were you perspiring? Did you perspire on each other? What "techniques" were you working on that night? Did the twins teach you any new moves? What there touching involved? What parts of your bodies made contact with each other?...you know. Details. 

You have the boys' full attention.


----------



## angelpixie

The answers, in no particular order: Yes, blue, inadvertently, a lot, black, no, several, a few. :rofl:


----------



## Orpheus

did anyone have yarn?


----------



## angelpixie

No, but there were neckties.


----------



## Matt1720

101 things to do with your businessman-client's necktie


----------



## jpr

:nono: No! ..no,no,no, Orpheus!

No more talk of yarn, you little yarn-tease! Can't you see that we are yearning for your yarning?

Talk, talk, talk. We need to you to walk the walk. Show us the yarn, Orpheus!


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> No, but there were neckties.


Uggh..I have enough trouble trying to buy the right shirts, now I need neck ties also.


----------



## Matt1720

a coworker always wore these ridiculously short ties, it turns out his wife would pre-tie them on herself.


----------



## Matt1720

bolo neckties, of course


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> Uggh..I have enough trouble trying to buy the right shirts, now I need neck ties also.


Uh, no, the tie's not for you, sweetie...










And that's about the safest photo I could find to illustrate _that_ point...


----------



## unsure78

ok angel hope you dont mind but im going to post my [email protected] on your thread today, i think im going to actually have to delete all my threads but thats a different story.

so engineer was over yesterday afternoon, last minute cause ex took DS last minute. blues clues starts calling, "im turning off my phone next week, i only have $2000 left" (mind you he broke into his 401k and had $12,000 im may, he pays no rent only bills are phone (100) and car (211)- but i digress) i say "ok" then he hangs up. calls again 10 sec later- "im quiting my job, it sucks, i dont get paid anything, im giving you the car back," i say "ok" he hangs up. there was another two calls kinda like this, all i said was"ok" didnt encourage. i know what he wanted he wanted me to "save him", like i always did but i didnt do it. so engineer and i were about to leave and i get a text "you have DS all weekend, i think im going to hang myself.no joke" ok he said this while he had my kid.

so engineer and i decided that i should get my kid. i go over there get DS (engineer hangs out down the street in his own car to make sure things go ok) blues clues does give me.DS with out a hassle, but says he was just joking and blowing off steam with the hang myself text. but reiterates hes turning off the phone, giving back the car, and doesn't know when he will see DS again. i pretty much just respond "ok"

so wtf do i do now people?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

oh my god what a total f*cking loser - 'just joking'? Is he f*cking kidding????

he's trying to sucker you back in by trying to make you feel sorry for him - don't fall for it, it's manipulative bullsh*t and you know it. DO NOT contact him, DO NOT try and find out how he's doing, let him do his teenage sulking for a while...when he realises you're not responding he might man the f*ck up and get a f*cking LIFE

what a massive, MASSIVE tool


----------



## unsure78

dolly i actually think thats why he elevated it to the suicide thing cause he was throwi.g his trantrum and i wasnt responding, all i kept saying was "ok".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

unsure78 said:


> dolly i actually think thats why he elevated it to the suicide thing cause he was throwi.g his trantrum and i wasnt responding, all i kept saying was "ok".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


which makes it even worse
there is nothing you can do about someone like him - he's crying for attention like the little b*tch he is, don't give it to him


----------



## jpr

Gosh, Unsure! What a mess! Blue's Clues is a gigantic disaster.

You know him better than us, so you would know if his threat of suicide is just a ploy for attention. Given the conversation, it seems like it was indeed a way for him to try to get a reaction out of you. He kept elevating the threats, hoping to get you to react in some way. 

However, if you think any of his threats are serious, you can call 911. The police may then involuntarily hospitalize Blue's Clues for 24 hours. I assume that Blue's Clues does not have any medical insurance, so it would cost him a pretty penny.

One year ago, Sasquatch was making suicidal comments to me. My little brother committed suicide when he was 25 years old, so I am sensitive to these types of comments. In Sasquatch's case, however, I don't think that he was making those comments in order to get attention from me. I think he was making those comments in order to illustrate how unhappy and miserable he was in his life with me. ....since then, Sasquatch has continued to make comments that are troubling. For instance, just last month he said that if it wasn't for our son, he probably wouldn't be alive right now. .... sometimes during those times when Sasquatch doesn't show up on time to pick up our son or when I can't get ahold of him on the phone, my stomach gets a sick feeling and I worry that he might have hurt himself. Even though we are no longer together, I worry.

But then I tell myself that Sasquatch is being taken care of by professionals. He sees a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and is now starting to attend group therapy sessions. Sasquatch is no longer under my care....and Blue's Clues is no longer under your care, Unsure. 

If you think any of his threats might be genuine, then call 911. But, don't involve yourself beyond that. However, it doesn't sound to me like Blue's Clues was sincere....at least to me anyway.  It just sounds like he was trying to get a reaction out of you. 

What a sad, sad man! He has got to be just so miserable. His self-worth has got to be close to 0%. He is an adult and he can't even take care of himself! 

Don't let him rub his misery off on you. You did a great job of not reacting to his "threats". You are so cool and calm, Unsure.


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## unsure78

thanks jpr, i dont think he is serious, he seemed normal when i unexpectedly picked up DS, and i asked DS last night if daddy was upset at all,.he said "no". however this is the first time i have ever heard this sort of statement from him, so i am concerned.

im just so tired of his drama, and the poor engineer had to witness it and then deal with me being upset about it. He was really great and supportive and i even asked him if he was sure if he wanted to deal with "this" (meaning if he wanted to not be with me, i fully understand) and he responded that we we a team and that means he accepts my whole package.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## muskrat

Save the text with the suicide threat and show it to the proper authorities. They will check it out and he will probably have to get a mental evaluation done. Getting all this on record good be very important down the road. If he does do something stupid you will know you tried to get him help. You also will have valuable info on record if he should ever decide to try and change your custody agreement.
He wants you to fix it, so fix it by calling the police and showing them the text.


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## unsure78

I am saving the text muskrat, in fact i will now be documenting all his actions from now on. im not worried he will come after me for more custody, im now starting to build a case if i want to have him cut out of my child life. i dont want to do that, but i recognize with his instability i may have too... i just think he wanted my attention and if i elevate this by calling the police he won by getting me to act... i did what i needed to do and got my son out of the situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> I am saving the text muskrat, in fact i will now be documenting all his actions from now on. im not worried he will come after me for more custody, im now starting to build a case if i want to have him cut out of my child life. i dont want to do that, but i recognize with his instability i may have too... i just think he wanted my attention and if i elevate this by calling the police he won by getting me to act... i did what i needed to do and got my son out of the situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Calling the police will not be the action he wants! 
JPR, I'm so sorry about your brother.
Unsure, I work in cemeteries and I farm, anyway I dig graves and handle death certificates and the number of suicides is alarming. By reporting this it will be up to professionals to determine if his threat was serious. If you do nothing and he does do something you will feel terrible and have to live with the guilt the rest of your life. If however he isn't serious, having the police haul him off for an evaluation will make him realize making threats is not the way to get attention.
Most of the time the people who threaten suicide don't do it and are just wanting attention. People who really want it, don't talk about it they just do it. It is a sad thing for anyone to do and the emotional damage they cause their loved ones lasts forever.


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## Dollystanford

muskrat said:


> Most of the time the people who threaten suicide don't do it and are just wanting attention. People who really want it, don't talk about it they just do it. It is a sad thing for anyone to do and the emotional damage they cause their loved ones lasts forever.


Tru dat......
Although tosspot used to say it all the time and he did make an attempt when he was a teenager so it is very hard to ignore. But ignore you must....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr

I just got back from a walk in benefit of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. My son and I were participating in memory of my brother. It was crazy crowded at this event....sooooo many people's lives have been touched by suicide. It is incredible and just so heartbreaking. You can see the despair in the eyes of the loved ones. For a moment, I thought about Blue's Clues and I got angry at how juvenile he is. You can't just throw around threats like that....doesn't he know how that affects other people?...his self-centeredness and sense of self-entitlement just makes me mad. 

...but, for the record. My brother threatened to kill himself several times growing up. He would threaten suicide when my mom would ground him or refuse to by him the clothes that he wanted. But something about those threats...they weren't those of a typical teenagers. We all knew that there was something behind those threats. ....and, from what I know from my time in suicide survivor support groups, most people who commit suicide WILL tell someone of their plans--at least once. My brother did. We thought we got him help after his initil threat. He told us he came up with a plan to get help....he seemed so happy and content during that last week of his life. But, now I realize that it typical behavior. He was happy and content because he had finally made up his mind that he was going to end his life. He was at peace with his decision, and he was looking forward to ending his mental anguish. 

I don't know, Unsure. Muskrat has a point. Maybe if you call the police when he makes threats, then he will stop making those threat....or maybe he will get help if he truly needs it.  I don't know what the right answer is. But, you seemed to have handled the situation with a lot of grace and intelligence. 

The Engineer seems like a great guy. I like what he said about you guys being a "team". That is great to hear.


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## angelpixie

Oh, Unsure -- I've been waiting for Chinless to pick up DS (nearly an hour late, of course) so that I could sit and write a response. This is so manipulative of him!! If he's never had a history of suicidal behavior, this could be the kind of manipulation that someone who's borderline or has those traits uses to keep their partner in line. You're not going along with things like you used to, so he's stepping up his game. 

I agree with muskrat -- you need to detach, and let the authorities deal with this. If he was a good father and everything else, maybe I'd be a little more hesitant about bringing them into it. But he's not really good at anything that a grown-up has to do: jobs, managing money, parenting, certainly not marriage. It's not up to you to mold him into an adult. Let him go home to mama. 
It is sad, but your DS would be far better off with a man like the engineer than his own father. And I don't think you should feel bad about involving the engineer. This is part of your life, and if it's something you deal with, he should care if he cares about you. He needs to get used to it. And it's important that you see his reaction to it. I think it sounds like he passed the test this time.  

Great idea on documenting everything, too. 

jpr -- I'm sorry about your brother. I attempted suicide right before my 16th birthday. As you can see, it didn't work.  Made me feel like even more of a failure at the time, but there's some reason why I made it. I'm still trying to figure out what that is. Maybe it was bringing DS into the world, I don't know. I never thought that it would cause pain to anyone, so that wasn't part of my thought process. I think there's probably only a small percentage of people who really have vengeful motives in mind when they do it. They are just looking for a way to make the pain to stop. And they often think they are also causing pain to others. Their views are distorted, to be sure. It sounds like you have done a lot to work on healing from it. Just another way you have shown how strong and good you are. 

BTW, Chinless also used vague threats of suicide when he was trying to illustrate how much he 'needed' to separate from me and gain 'independence,' which of course he never has. Was especially painful for someone who actually went so far as to try it to see someone who knew my history use it for dramatic effect. I'll bet it was for you, too, when Sasquatch did similar things. 

Again, so many similarities between all of our stories -- you, me, unsure, Dolly, MA, Cantmove. Sigh.


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## Conrad

Similarities....

We manipulate people using emotions.

There are only so many ways to do it.


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## jpr

Hey Angel...I know you briefly mentioned your suicide attempt as a teenager. I am just so sorry to hear that you were in such a dark place. As a high school teacher, my brother's suicide has made me especially sensitive towards suicidal thoughts of teens. It seems like I am a "magnet" for these troubled kids at school. They always seem to find me and end up telling me about their suicidal thoughts. So, I have some experience calling the authorities on these matters. It is sad...there is so much pain in this world. ...and it is heartbreaking to see someone so young suffering so much. 

It is amazing the similarities in the behavior of our ex-asshats. So manipulative. Sasquatch actually cut himself last summer. I think he did it as a ploy to get attention from his girlfriend. His girlfriend does research in self-harm. ...Sasquatch is so manipulative. It was so hard to tell if his actions or words were pure. 

I am now able to recognize when he is trying to manipulate me, though....and i am able to detach from it (....mostly )


I used to think that it was my good to balance him out...to help him. I know you felt the same way about Chinless. I know that was just so wrong and warped. And, I am just so worn out from that now. I don't have a lot of requirements for my next long-term partner--but, I do require that he be kind and not in need of "fixing". I don't want to be described as the "better half" anymore. ...I think that Unsure, Cantmove, Dolly, You, etc were probably described as the "better half" in their relationships too. We took care of and loved very broken men. 

I want something simple and pure. No more turmoil.


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## angelpixie

Yes, yes, and yes. I don't expect perfect, but 'troubled geniuses with artistic tendencies' need not apply, nor should 'childlike' men with 'passion' (being code for emotionally immature narcissistic men ). 

Kindness and maturity. You summed it up nicely. Everything else flows from that.


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## unsure78

thanks angel (and thanks for letting me borrow your thread) hes not my responsibility anymore. i went to one of our "couple" friends childs birthday party tonight, i asked the husband on the couple to check up on him. i told him that i cannot provide financial or emotional support for blues clues anymore, that myseld and DS needs to come first. I told the friend i was concerned with his behavior and that he may need someone to talk to and left it at that. i still think it was a cry for attention just like all the rest of the stbx here. i am not calling him, if he wants to get a hold of me, he knows how. uggg its been a long day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Sorry, unsure. I'm glad you were able to turn him over to someone else. Now you know there's no reason for you to take that on and worry about him. I hope you can have a good rest of the weekend. ((hugs))


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## muskrat

unsure78 said:


> thanks angel (and thanks for letting me borrow your thread) hes not my responsibility anymore. i went to one of our "couple" friends childs birthday party tonight, i asked the husband on the couple to check up on him. i told him that i cannot provide financial or emotional support for blues clues anymore, that myseld and DS needs to come first. I told the friend i was concerned with his behavior and that he may need someone to talk to and left it at that. i still think it was a cry for attention just like all the rest of the stbx here. i am not calling him, if he wants to get a hold of me, he knows how. uggg its been a long day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm glad you found someone else to take this burden. I think you handled this problem very well.
I'd send you a hug, but I don't want the engineer to hunt me down!


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## jpr

I am sorry that you have to deal with all this poop. It is a neverending pile of poo for you...isn't it? ....I think, like everyone else, that you are handling it just so well. It was good to talk to Blue'sClues friend about it. ...and it is good that you are trying to distance yourself from it as much as possible. The Engineer is a lucky to have such a smart and "with-it" woman. 

You have it together. ....it might not seem like it, but you do. You are handling this chaos so well.


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## angelpixie

WARNING, Rant ahead:

You are not busy all day (putting it kindly). You do have a debit and/or credit card. I will not have one for another week, and I have a job all day. Is it so F'ING DIFFICULT for you to at least fill the F'ING gas tank before we switch cars??? REALLY??? 

End of rant. Thank you.


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## Matt1720

i have the mental image of chinless struggling with the nozzle and trying to lean on the car to be in the "correct light"


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## YellowRoses

When I read your tales about chinless (and sasquatch, blues clues and a couple of others mentioned here), in a bizarre way its making my cheating toe-rag seem half decent

When I say that the flings are ALL he does wrong, I'm not belittling it (its nearly destroyed me) but it IS pretty much true. He works hard, he provides, he can look after himself, he does loads for the boys, he sorts out cars, never has any expectations for meals or housekeeping, if I can't do something he helps or pays to get it done, he buys treats and surprises, he turns up to share the school runs and has just offered to sort out a new car for me as mine is getting cranky

My mind boggles at the childishness of the men talked about here

Can you see why its hard for me to decide what to do ?


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## Orpheus

The childishness of men is exactly what the men of this site are talking about when they invoke books like nmmng and Hang on to Your NUTS. Fwiw. Those of us that are trying to get it realize that there is a conditioning problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford

YellowRoses said:


> When I read your tales about chinless (and sasquatch, blues clues and a couple of others mentioned here), in a bizarre way its making my cheating toe-rag seem half decent
> 
> When I say that the flings are ALL he does wrong, I'm not belittling it (its nearly destroyed me) but it IS pretty much true. He works hard, he provides, he can look after himself, he does loads for the boys, he sorts out cars, never has any expectations for meals or housekeeping, if I can't do something he helps or pays to get it done, he buys treats and surprises, he turns up to share the school runs and has just offered to sort out a new car for me as mine is getting cranky
> 
> My mind boggles at the childishness of the men talked about here
> 
> Can you see why its hard for me to decide what to do ?


no, cos Tomcat is a serial cheater and that's an absolute no-no for me. 

Bear in mind that we have now split with our exes and are only seeing the bad things...Tosspot could be funny, engaging, charming, considerate and kind when he wanted to be. He would drive across London to pick me up rather than have me get a train home, he once drove an hour each way to pick my friend up and bring her to my house when she was ill, he took my mum's friend to her house to pick up all her stuff in order to protect her from her abusive husband. He was pretty well domesticated when he was home too

None of them are ALL bad....otherwise we wouldn't have married them in the first place. I don't hate Tosspot, he's just a tosspot


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## YellowRoses

True, all true Dolls

That's the trouble with a forum about problems, you can't help 'ranking' them after a while. Some stories make mine look horrendous, some make it look tame.


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## muskrat

Dolly hit the nail on the head! Most of you seem to think I'm a nice guy and a good father, but if my stbxw came here and only talked about the hurtful things I have said and done through the years I to would be givin an unflattering nickname. Of course since she left I have stepped up my parenting a lot where most these guys have fell off a cliff. I will admit there plenty of times when it would be easier to just let her have the kids and deal with everything that comes with them. However I am looking at the big picture and I don't want to be a weekend dad and have some fruitcake she ends up with being a larger role model than myself. I know if I slack off now she will try for full custody and she will get it and I will lose my kids forever, so I suck it up and find a way to keep them. I will settle for nothing less than split custody.
I also want to say my stbxw is not a bad person, she is just not logical! She told me before she left that she knows I love her and I was a great provider and wonderful father. She just didn't feel like being married anymore. Sounds immature to me.
I found one of her journels about a year ago and yes I read it. In there she wrote that she feels people will look at her life and say she is spoiled and I have given her everything she wanted, but she is just not happy and feels like a rebelious teenager. So I lost my family because she just didn't feel like bothering, seems like a poor excuse to tear a family apart to me.


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## Dollystanford

oh I know - some of the stories on here make me go 

my mum always said to me that no-one knows what goes on in a relationship apart from the two people in it....that's why one size doesn't fit all and someone else's decision won't necessarily be the same as yours.

I still don't know for definite whether or not Tosspot physically cheated, but the thought that he might have done and was certainly thinking about it was enough to make me file - others would have let it go. Horses for courses and all that


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## unsure78

I agree with the others.. we all pretty much just post the bad and ridiculousness of the exs. Blues Clues isn't all bad.. hes funny,is a very fun father, could cook, be domesticated (when he choose too), we always had a good time together, and actually got along pretty well for the majority of our time together. 

Im no angel myself, I contributed to our marriage falling apart, I was very angry and controlling at times. Still there is never an excuse for cheating.


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## Lifescript

Unsure,

Would you have looked at the cheating differently if you two had been separated at the time?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78

Script- no I wouldn't have... but that's just my opinion. Thats why i waited to date until the divorce was final...but to each there own what is right for ME, may not be the correct answer for someone else.

Oh and i certainly dont look poorly on any BS that chooses to date during the separation... I understand... and my answer may have been different if our separation lasted a very long time


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## unsure78

after thinking.. no I still wouldn't have dated during separation even if it lasted a long time... but again that is just the answer for myself


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## Lifescript

How long was the separation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

unsure78 said:


> between DDay and him moving out was 5 months,
> separation and divorce final was 3 months
> 
> but once he left I was pretty much done- i filed when he walked


That was before you let him move back in


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## unsure78

Conrad said:


> That was before you let him move back in


I know Conrad but I wasn't hoping we would get back together... that was just my enabler that couldn't stop helping him... 

btw when i saw that comment that totally made me laugh


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## Lifescript

How long after the separation did he cheat or it happened while you two were together?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

unsure78 said:


> I know Conrad but I wasn't hoping we would get back together... that was just my enabler that couldn't stop helping him...
> 
> btw when i saw that comment that totally made me laugh


Isn't it great to know how far you've come since then?


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## unsure78

Conrad said:


> Isn't it great to know how far you've come since then?


Yea I have come a long way and I fell really good about where I am, but I still have a long way to go.

Script,

The EA went from DDay for 7 months ( they broke up after then but i know they still have some form of contact), I think they went PA around 6 months ( but she lives a few states away- and he still denies the PA - but I don't believe him)


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## Conrad

unsure78 said:


> Yea I have come a long way and I fell really good about where I am, but I still have a long way to go.
> 
> Script,
> 
> The EA went from DDay for 7 months ( they broke up after then but i know they still have some form of contact), I think they went PA around 6 months ( but she lives a few states away- and he still denies the PA - but I don't believe him)


When did he ever tell the truth?


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## unsure78

Conrad said:


> When did he ever tell the truth?


As I learned after DDay pretty much never... hence why I don't believe him


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## angelpixie

Since he'd told me he wanted to 'experience' other women when he first said he wanted to separate (before he led me on with false 'trying' for a few months), and had had multiple EAs while we were married, I didn't think there was anything wrong with me going on a date while we were still (are still) legally married. He has been out in the open about sleeping with posOW for several months now, so I feel totally let out of my vows. They are strictly a broken contract now.

To add to the discussion on only revealing the black parts of our former mates' psyches, I guess it's a matter of degrees. Yes, Chinless was a wonderful guy to me a majority of the time for the first couple of years. But when the nice things he did for me go down to being countable on fingers compared to the nice things he did for others (including setting aside what his son needs in favor of his own wants), then I guess I don't feel so badly about saying so. If you'd asked me before all of this...my tune would have been totally different. I held him up in high esteem long after he stopped deserving it. Therapy is showing me that. Sorry. I guess I sound really bitter today.

Due to his lying, cheating, general instability, etc., I would not choose to have a relationship of any kind with him if I didn't have one already. I guess that kind of sums it up.


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## unsure78

I didnt know he had multiple EAs before trampire... wow Angel. Did you know about each one individually or find out about them all at one time?


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## angelpixie

I knew about them. He was able to gaslight me that I was making too big of a deal out of them, I'm ashamed to say. I believed I was the 'unworthy' one in the relationship, so whenever he told me things like that, I believed him. After all, he loved me, right? So he wouldn't tell me that if it wasn't true. Ugh. Even now, he doesn't acknowledge them for what they were and how serious of a breach of faith they were. I wish I knew as much then as I do now. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda, right? Double ugh.


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## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> I knew about them. He was able to gaslight me that I was making too big of a deal out of them, I'm ashamed to say. I believed I was the 'unworthy' one in the relationship, so whenever he told me things like that, I believed him. After all, he loved me, right? So he wouldn't tell me that if it wasn't true. Ugh. Even now, he doesn't acknowledge them for what they were and how serious of a breach of faith they were. I wish I knew as much then as I do now. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda, right? Double ugh.


Ashamed? Unworthy?

What you just said there is exactly how I felt back then.

After reading that I was sucked 8 months back to a specific night where I felt that.


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## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> I knew about them. He was able to gaslight me that I was making too big of a deal out of them, I'm ashamed to say. I believed I was the 'unworthy' one in the relationship, so whenever he told me things like that, I believed him. After all, he loved me, right? So he wouldn't tell me that if it wasn't true. Ugh. Even now, he doesn't acknowledge them for what they were and how serious of a breach of faith they were. I wish I knew as much then as I do now. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda, right? Double ugh.


It wasn't until I came to TAM and started reading that the penny started to drop about Tosspot's behaviour. Then all the pieces started to fall into place (taking phone everywhere, always too tired or not feeling up for sex, etc.). In fact it was coming to TAM two weeks after D Day that spurred me into filing for divorce three weeks after D Day :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

It's kind of funny (not haha funny), but one of the many things he liked to blame me for was not going to see a therapist about my depression (for which I was taking meds, and which had mostly to do with my relationship with him). If I had, it probably would have led to the demise of our marriage earlier, but I would have been the one to initiate it. I had fears that he would leave me due to another woman -- not unfounded -- but I would have seen just how unlikely he was to change his spots. The bad thing would have been how financially uneven we were back then. He made so much more than me that I can't see where I would have gotten even partial custody. That fear made me hang on, trying other things in my power to make my situation better for if/when he left. 

He did hook me when he had his damned breakdown. That undid everything I was doing toward probable marital break-up, and it led to things getting 'better' with us for a while. He needed me, I see that now. So, he could afford to treat me a little better. And the codependence was pretty ingrained after that. Sigh. I didn't think I felt so bad when I work up this morning. What the hell is wrong with me? It just sounds that way when I write it all out. I think I feel a lot of self-loathing right now. I'm forgetting the 'You did the best you could with what you knew at the time' thing I'm supposed to be remembering.

He's not even being a jerk today. He's actually doing a good job of taking care of getting a band instrument for DS. See, I can give him good feedback when he deserves it.


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## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> I believed I was the 'unworthy' one in the relationship, so whenever he told me things like that, I believed him. After all, he loved me, right?


But Angel you will never believe that again right?


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## unsure78

Nothing is wrong with you Angel, a lot of us were the same way... the difference between us and them is that we have taken the time ( IC, TAM,books) to help ourselves become more healthy so it wont happen again... the exs mostly haven't changed or taken any steps to better themselves. You, Cant, jpr, Dolly, MA, Muskrat, Orpheus, Script, Syn, and everyone else im forgetting should be proud of how far we have come and how we all continue to strive to be better.


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## Conrad

Just from the Pixie's testimony, it's clear that he panics anytime he doesn't have someone around.

He fears what's in his own head.

So needy.

So worthless.


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## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> But Angel you will never believe that again right?


That I'm unworthy or that he loved me?  No, I don't think I feel unworthy anymore. I don't think someone will be doing me a great favor or creating some kind of debt situation by being with me. That's a huge change in my outlook. You guys don't know how much. As for whether or not he loved me? I think for a time, he did, the best he knew how. 



unsure78 said:


> Nothing is wrong with you Angel, a lot of us were the same way... the difference between us and them is that we have taken the time ( IC, TAM,books) to help ourselves become more healthy so it wont happen again... the exs mostly haven't changed or taken any steps to better themselves. You, Cant, jpr, Dolly, MA, Muskrat, Orpheus, Script, Syn, and everyone else im forgetting should be proud of how far we have come and how we all continue to strive to be better.


Don't forget to include yourself in there, unsure. You've taken some mighty big steps, especially lately! 



Conrad said:


> He fears what's in his own head.


You are so right it's unbelievable. I've seen that fear in him. It holds him and his entire life (and everyone involved with him) prisoner.


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## Orpheus

::hugs::


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## angelpixie

Got this at lunch. I can't wait. I hope it wasn't Chinless coming over to my work after to show me the instrument he bought for DS. It was a pleasant enough meeting, but please, I hope that wasn't it. 

Yeah, I know it's out of focus.


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## jpr

Hey Angel...

I read your posts earlier today, and I was thinking about them today.

I am just so sorry for all of "this"...this poop you have gone through. I related (of course...) to a lot of what you stated. Sasquatch convinced me that he needed these "special friendship" that he had with other females. He was such an emotional person, and he _needed_ to connect with others on an emotional level.  I wasn't deep enough or emotional enough for him. After a while, I believed his words. I began to believe that I was vapid,dense, and shallow....not able to relate to a person as intellectual, intense, and emotional as he. 
But, the most of our relationship, Sasquatch and I laughed at. the. time. We had so much fun together. So much fun! He was my very best friend for the past 18 years. ...and, like you, I thought the world of him... I made so many excuses for his behavior. ...he has been known to treat a lot of people like poop. We have been thrown out of friends' houses over the "joking" comment that he has made. I was always there to smooth things over and explain away his poor behavior to others....but, he wasn't always a jerk either. He could be very nice ...sometimes. 

Sasquatch is a strange, strange fellow. His can be very witty and very charming...but, he can also be a jerk too. 

But, like you, in counseling I had a wake up call. How he treated me was unacceptable. ...and i shouldn't have accepted it. I shouldn't have made excuses for it. 

Sasquatch had this ability to turn things around...and put the focus on him and his needs. When my brother died, he actually got upset with me because I wasn't leaning on him enough. ...it was so weird. My brother had just died unexpectedly, and all he could think about was the lack of attention that I was paying towards him. I was so busy taking care of my parents, picking out his casket, writing his eulogy, picking out the clothes he was going to be buried in, etc...I didn't have time to make sure that Sasquatch was feeling loved. I was lost, and I needed someone to take care of _me_. But, back then, I was so consumed with making him happy, I didn't see the absurdity of his behavior. I spent the weeks after my brother's death trying to "make it up" to Sasquatch for not being emotional enough around him....for not "needing" him enough. ...and I now know that those were weeks when Sasquatch should have been taking care of me and helping me process and work through this difficult time.

It was a similar experience when I was pregnant and when I gave birth. The focus was all on him. He was making a transition into fatherhood. He was going through so many emotions...he _needed_ to have his special friendship with his Tartlet. He _needed_ to spend the evening after our son was born with his Tartlet...he needed her to process all that was happening to him.

Now that I look back on it, I am embarrassed about my behavior. I know that by enabling his selfishness, I helped lead to the downfall of our marriage. At the time, I thought I was showing him love. But, now I realize that it was all just so warped and wrong.

...wow. Jiminy! I sure highjacked your thread. ...but, it was nice to indulge and get these things out. Thanks. 

When you mentioned all the prior EA's that Chinless had...and how Chinless gaslighted you in accepting them. That is awful...and Sasquatch would do similar things to me. ..but just think about how much more enlightened we are now! ...there is no way that I am ever going to go back to that place of absurdity again!


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, jpr -- never worry about 'hijacking' -- we are all here learning from and sharing with each other.  Chinless did something similar to me when my mom died somewhat unexpectedly. (She was in the hospital, but it was fully expected that she would be coming home the next day and would make a recovery). I had to go out of state by myself and help my brother go through all of her things in the course of a weekend, then go to another state to bury her. All I could do was email Chinless after a while. I really felt alone. When I got home, it was like it never happened. We were back to being all about him. I didn't realize til he had left me 7 months later, that I never really even grieved the death of my mother, and now I'm losing my marriage, and 'best friend,' too. Why did we accept behavior from our 'best friend/spouses' that we'd never take from other 'best friends?' That's something I hope never to forget!!


----------



## angelpixie

And guess what?! I had my 'pleasant surprise'!! -- I just got a call that my wallet was found. I'll be picking it up at group tonight. Yes, I'm out $30 getting a replacement license and 2 debit cards, but I will get my insurance and our library cards back. FORTUNE COOKIES ARE FOR REAL, MAN!!


----------



## Orpheus

Not the bees. Not the bees! Congrats on getting your belongings back!

Lady girls with all your manchild problems. Gosh, between the two of you i'm going to have to learn a whole new bag of tricks: no more assing off at parties, make eye contact with spouse after child birth; no whining; keep my wh0ring private and not parade it around carelessly; when promising the moon at least deliver something moon shaped. What's a guy got to do to win a ladies heart?

Side note: AP, I for some reason not read Chinless and instead always insert Chinese.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

That made me smile, Angel. I am glad you got your wallet back. ....hurray!

Hmmm...I always just throw away the fortune cookie that I get with my Chinese take-out. Maybe I should start opening them and reading them...


----------



## Matt1720

i hope you all add "in-bed" to your fortunes, heyoooooo


----------



## angelpixie

Matt1720 said:


> i hope you all add "in-bed" to your fortunes, heyoooooo


Hmmm...if I do, does that mean it's like a whole new fortune and I'll get that one, too? Oh, goody!!


----------



## angelpixie

Had a bit of melancholy tonight. At switch-off time with DS, Chinless was supposed to bring the new band instrument we got for DS and surprise him with it (doing it there so I could see him, too -- which I thought was nice of Chinless). Well, he forgot it at home, so invited me to drive over and meet him there. I did and we gave it to DS. He was totally surprised and was very cute trying to play it. 

But it was so totally not the way I would have wanted something like that to be. Not all of us being in our home laughing and trying it out together, taking pictures for ourselves and our relatives, etc. No, it was me standing in the doorway taking pics on my phone, Chinless taking his separately. Chit chat with DS, showing him how to put it in the case, etc. Then he went up to bed, I drove home alone, and Chinless probably skyped posow. 

Ever since we were dating we've talked about music lessons for our 'kids' (never planned on just one), wondering what they would want to play, etc. (Music was really important to us; more so than sports.) This was not supposed to be like this. Sigh. I guess I'd better get used to things like tonight. These little non-family family moments will just keep coming. I know Chinless would be feeling sad if the switch had gone the other way and I took DS and the instrument back to my place and he went home alone. 

I hope what he gets out of this is worth all the pain it's caused. I don't know. Maybe I'd never learn what I've learned if we'd gone to MC and worked on our marriage. I'd like to think I would have, and that this pain wasn't the only way. But maybe it is. I'd hate to think it was all for nothing.


----------



## Lifescript

I'm sorry Angel. 

((Hugs))
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, 'Script.


----------



## MyselfAgain

You got much more out of this than Chinless.

No doubt.

Your soul has grown.

His has shriveled up and died.


----------



## unsure78

I know Angel those non-family family moments are tough for me too. Thinking of you ((Hugs))..


----------



## Torrivien

Hi Pixie,
I'm reading your journal, I got to page 11 a few moments earlier.
Just to say that I'm really proud of the progress you've been making.
Chinless should have been called gutless but then again, Chinless sounds funnier.

Keep the journal going and bon courage!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hope you're feeling better today pix.

Thinking of ya!


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, thanks, guys -- you're both sweeties!!


----------



## angelpixie

Treated myself to a walk for ice cream tonight. They had a new flavor I just had to try: Lemon Coconut Curry. Had that paired with their famous Cardamom. Abso-freaking-lutely amazing. Left my lips a little tingly afterward though from the curry, lol. Yum. Yum. Yum.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Treated myself to a walk for ice cream tonight. They had a new flavor I just had to try: Lemon Coconut Curry. Had that paired with their famous Cardamom. Abso-freaking-lutely amazing. Left my lips a little tingly afterward though from the curry, lol. Yum. Yum. Yum.


I'd love to try that.


----------



## Matt1720

sounds intense!


----------



## angelpixie

I've decided that there is a real need out there for a female-centered book on boundary-setting and other issues we face regarding identity and ego permanence. We all know the ones written for men (and I'm mainly referring to NMMNG and Hold On To Your N.U.T.s), so when I'm done with *No More Nice Girl*, I'll start writing the companion piece, but I can't decide on my title. It will be either *Hold On To Your T.I.T.s* (i.e., Totally Inappropriately Titled Strategies) or *Hold On To Your T.A.T.A.s *(i.e., Totally Appropriate Truths & Affirmations).

Which would you prefer, ladies?


----------



## Dollystanford

Book on Owning Bastards in Ego Sh*tstorm

I just call it....BOOBIES


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> I've decided that there is a real need out there for a female-centered book on boundary-setting and other issues we face regarding identity and ego permanence. We all know the ones written for men (and I'm mainly referring to NMMNG and Hold On To Your N.U.T.s), so when I'm done with *No More Nice Girl*, I'll start writing the companion piece, but I can't decide on my title. It will be either *Hold On To Your T.I.T.s* (i.e., Totally Inappropriately Titled Strategies) or *Hold On To Your T.A.T.A.s *(i.e., Totally Appropriate Truths & Affirmations).
> 
> Which would you prefer, ladies?


:rofl: They both made me laugh, but I like the second one best.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yes TATAs better than the other (one of my most hated words!)


----------



## angelpixie

Chinless was in the middle of a skyping session with the Trampire when I dropped DS off after school yesterday. How do I know? Because he couldn't just leave the laptop on his bed upstairs when he came down to let us in the door (I had to talk to him regarding something with DS and school). No he had to carry around the godforsaken laptop the whole time, which meant, of course, I really _couldn't_ talk to him about DS because I didn't think she needed to be included in the conversation. Jeepers creepers, already.

Today he's getting a duplicate of the title to the nicer car, then we're transferring both cars' titles to just one or the other of us. I have the nice one now (he did use it to take the 3 hr round trip to get the title), and it will probably the last few days that I do. Not sure when I will see money for the sale, and if that should make any difference. 

His birthday is next week, and he's asking everyone to give him money to help afford his trip to France instead of getting him gifts. Including DS. He really wants his son to reach into his piggy bank to give his father money to visit his posOW? Gawd. Just in case anyone thought otherwise, we stopped exchanging gifts when we were no longer living together.


----------



## jpr

Oh man!! He asked his son to give him money for his birthday???? 

 What a piece of poop! 

Wow. He definitely gets the Poo o' of the Day award.

What is wrong with this man????


----------



## Conrad

Pixie,

How old is your son?

If he's young enough, get a decent card, have him sign it and enclose a $1,000 bill from the game Monopoly.




angelpixie said:


> Chinless was in the middle of a skyping session with the Trampire when I dropped DS off after school yesterday. How do I know? Because he couldn't just leave the laptop on his bed upstairs when he came down to let us in the door (I had to talk to him regarding something with DS and school). No he had to carry around the godforsaken laptop the whole time, which meant, of course, I really _couldn't_ talk to him about DS because I didn't think she needed to be included in the conversation. Jeepers creepers, already.
> 
> Today he's getting a duplicate of the title to the nicer car, then we're transferring both cars' titles to just one or the other of us. I have the nice one now (he did use it to take the 3 hr round trip to get the title), and it will probably the last few days that I do. Not sure when I will see money for the sale, and if that should make any difference.
> 
> His birthday is next week, and he's asking everyone to give him money to help afford his trip to France instead of getting him gifts. Including DS. He really wants his son to reach into his piggy bank to give his father money to visit his posOW? Gawd. Just in case anyone thought otherwise, we stopped exchanging gifts when we were no longer living together.


----------



## Dollystanford

cash instead of presents so he can afford his trip? oh what a :loser:

get a fricking job!!!


----------



## angelpixie

Conrad said:


> Pixie,
> 
> How old is your son?
> 
> If he's young enough, get a decent card, have him sign it and enclose a $1,000 bill from the game Monopoly.


Unfortunately, he's old enough to have taken him seriously. He's almost 10. I'm not sure how to handle it. I only offered to help drive him to get something or order something online for him. Otherwise, I'd like to stay out of it. Chinless did help DS bake my birthday cake this year, but I'm sure he's got plenty of his former EAs who will bake cakes for him this year, what with the Trampire gone and all.


----------



## Conrad

What a tool


----------



## YellowRoses

No need to handle anything

Little boys do not give adult men cash - plain and simple

Don't let him think that is OK

Oh hang on, maybe its a little boy giving to a littler boy !


----------



## Dollystanford

I'd say that DS should just get him whatever he would have got him regardless if I didn't think Chinless would throw a tantrum about it


----------



## OldGirl

Conrad said:


> What a tool


:iagree:  I'm speechless.


----------



## angelpixie

Title's been transferred. I'm the official owner of a POS 15-year old car. Book value $500. Yay me. :| 

First thing I'm doing -- buying a bunch of bumper stickers to put on it. And then I'll get the dented door and fender replaced, preferably with ones of different colors. Might as well go for the whole shebang.


----------



## Matt1720

let DS pick the [email protected]!


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Title's been transferred. I'm the official owner of a POS 15-year old car. Book value $500. Yay me. :|
> 
> First thing I'm doing -- buying a bunch of bumper stickers to put on it. And then I'll get the dented door and fender replaced, preferably with ones of different colors. Might as well go for the whole shebang.


Get the parts at a junkyard.

Save some bucks.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh definitely, there are so many Subis around here that I'll have no problem getting parts. Just not sure how much money to dump into it when it has 170K miles on it.


----------



## Conrad

Is it an Outback?


----------



## angelpixie

No, mine's a plain old Legacy wagon. He's keeping the Outback.


----------



## angelpixie

Damn! I need a vacation. It's so smokey here that I keep thinking I need to clean my glasses, but it's just the air!


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> No, mine's a plain old Legacy wagon. He's keeping the Outback.


I did a quick search. It's not unusual to get 250,000 miles out of that car.

Did the Tool actually take care of the car? Change the oil, stay up with the maintenance?

How old is the transmission?


----------



## angelpixie

He was good about oil changes and we've taken it in regularly. It still has the original transmission, I know that. Timing belt has been changed once already. 

I didn't realize I could still get that many more miles out of it. That makes me feel a little better about putting some money into it. I actually need a new windshield before I do anything else. Crack number 6 is just starting. Once we started getting hard overnight freezes, that will grow pretty quickly.  Thanks for taking the time to look that up, Conrad. That was really sweet of you!


----------



## Matt1720

angelpixie said:


> Damn! I need a vacation. It's so smokey here that I keep thinking I need to clean my glasses, but it's just the air!


two for one roadtrip to OVS-ville.

three-for-one, lock him in the garage and only let him work on your car for a week. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

You're devious, Matt. I like that.


----------



## muskrat

AP, Chinless is being a total loser, asking ds for money. I like the monopoly money idea and let ds get him the gift he would have before chinless made this stupid request.


----------



## our vision shattered

angelpixie, i hope you know that i am a subaru expert/fully certified & own andys all subaru repair, i can answer any question you have on that car, i can also drop ship parts at my cost to you, this is what i do & have been a journey man tecnicion for over 25 years, i has some copyright legal issues with my website so i had to shut it down, my facebook for the business is andys all subaru repair, also [email protected]. any thing i can do for you with that car please let me know, ps i'm used to seeing well over 300-400k on those esp if it has the 2.2


----------



## Conrad

our vision shattered said:


> angelpixie, i hope you know that i am a subaru expert/fully certified & own andys all subaru repair, i can answer any question you have on that car, i can also drop ship parts at my cost to you, this is what i do & have been a journey man tecnicion for over 25 years, i has some copyright legal issues with my website so i had to shut it down, my facebook for the business is andys all subaru repair, also [email protected]. any thing i can do for you with that car please let me know, ps i'm used to seeing well over 300-400k on those esp if it has the 2.2


Sounds like this one will likely outlast the "good one"

You can always count on Chinless.

Wrong move... every... single.... time.


----------



## angelpixie

our vision shattered said:


> angelpixie, i hope you know that i am a subaru expert/fully certified & own andys all subaru repair, i can answer any question you have on that car, i can also drop ship parts at my cost to you, this is what i do & have been a journey man tecnicion for over 25 years, i has some copyright legal issues with my website so i had to shut it down, my facebook for the business is andys all subaru repair, also [email protected]. any thing i can do for you with that car please let me know, ps i'm used to seeing well over 300-400k on those esp if it has the 2.2


Wow!! Thank you so much, OVS -- I really, really appreciate this! 

I'll check to see what engine it has. I know the Outback has the V6 Boxer, and while the pick-up and power are amazing compared to the 'plain' Legacy, the mpg stinks. It goes through gas much, much quicker than the Legacy. So I do feel like I'm coming out ahead there. 

Thank you again!


----------



## Orpheus

isn't the Outback notoriously The lesbian car?


----------



## our vision shattered

Orpheus said:


> isn't the Outback notoriously The lesbian car?


thats the forester, trust me thats not a myth lol


----------



## our vision shattered

angelpixie said:


> Wow!! Thank you so much, OVS -- I really, really appreciate this!
> 
> I'll check to see what engine it has. I know the Outback has the V6 Boxer, and while the pick-up and power are amazing compared to the 'plain' Legacy, the mpg stinks. It goes through gas much, much quicker than the Legacy. So I do feel like I'm coming out ahead there.
> 
> Thank you again!


repairs & maintence is expensive on the 3.0, very very expensive let alone that is a premium fuel car, yours may not have the power but will last longer for sure


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> isn't the Outback notoriously The lesbian car?


ha! I swear to God that 1 in 4 cars here is a Subi; most are Outbacks. This town is pretty gay-friendly, but the gay-straight ratio isn't that even, lol. And I was the one that begged for an Outback cuz I'm not crazy about how low to the ground the Legacy is. Tired of scraping if I have to go over a speed bump. But I would have been perfectly happy w/o the extras in the L.L. Bean edition, esp if it saved us on gas. And I think you guys know I'm not gay. Flirtations with jpr and Dolly notwithstanding. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I used to drive a Chevy Tracker. I was told that that was a lesbian car too.  whatever...it was fun to drive.


----------



## Conrad

If you guys get Script to put up the money for the GNO, we can all come watch.


----------



## angelpixie

Would we be drag racing our lesbian cars?


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Would we be drag racing our lesbian cars?


Lifescript's wife will likely make that call.

Keep us posted.


----------



## Dollystanford

I'll take you all in my 12 year old Alfa 147


----------



## angelpixie

That's probably true. But you have to get here, first.


----------



## Orpheus

I guess I just liked to imagine your stbxh as a Chinese Lesbian.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

That is funny, O. 

But then you realize that must make me a lesbian, too.  But since I'm not, I guess that could be a big reason why our marriage failed. :scratchhead:


----------



## angelpixie

2 p.m. and my bed beckons. Damn. Don't want DS on the laptop all day (he wouldn't mind -- blasted Minecraft), but I can't stay awake despite strong coffee and warm diet Dr. Pepper. I don't want to get back on the ambien train after all this time, but something has to change. F me.


----------



## angelpixie

Woke up to DS watching this. Good times, good times.

MST3K -- The Pod People song


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> Chinless was in the middle of a skyping session with the Trampire when I dropped DS off after school yesterday. How do I know? Because he couldn't just leave the laptop on his bed upstairs when he came down to let us in the door (I had to talk to him regarding something with DS and school). No he had to carry around the godforsaken laptop the whole time, which meant, of course, I really _couldn't_ talk to him about DS because I didn't think she needed to be included in the conversation. Jeepers creepers, already.
> 
> Today he's getting a duplicate of the title to the nicer car, then we're transferring both cars' titles to just one or the other of us. I have the nice one now (he did use it to take the 3 hr round trip to get the title), and it will probably the last few days that I do. Not sure when I will see money for the sale, and if that should make any difference.
> 
> His birthday is next week, and he's asking everyone to give him money to help afford his trip to France instead of getting him gifts. Including DS. He really wants his son to reach into his piggy bank to give his father money to visit his posOW? Gawd. Just in case anyone thought otherwise, we stopped exchanging gifts when we were no longer living together.


Even nutless wouldn't do something like this. He may be awful to me but never to our son.


----------



## angelpixie

He doesn't see anything he does as negative to DS. He can be a very good dad - he plays with him, usually makes sure his homework is done, etc. But he doesn't really grasp the consequences of his choices. When he ignores DS and has the Trampire with the 2of them all the time, he just figures DS is being unreasonable and that once he spends more time with her, he'll just get used to her & like her. Which, frankly is what it looks like. But I remember being a kid whose feelings were constantly overridden by dysfunctional adults who didn't know how to parent. You just hide what you feel so they love you. I'm afraid this is what is happening now. DS does slip every once in a while, so I think I know what he's really feeling. Someday Chinless will regret all of this, but the one time I tried to tell him what DS told me, he laughed at me & told me how wrong I was. He's making his bed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

I once told my stbxw some of the things our dd told me about how she feels. My stbxw got mad and said I was trying to manipulate her and make her feel guilty.
Nope I was trying to tell her our dd was hurting.
Some people shouldn't have kids, they need to grow up themselves and stop being so self absorbed!


----------



## angelpixie

In the interest of full disclosure, I will here post that Chinless has redeemed himself in the area of birthday present ideas for DS. Finally tonight. Barely enough time to go shopping for him, considering that I only have him til 11 a.m. tomorrow morning and then not again til his birthday. He's been asking his dad for ideas for weeks, so if he doesn't have things to open cuz there wasn't time to take DS shopping (I am NOT doing it myself and wrapping it for DS), oh well, too bad, Chinless. 

But at least he's not taking cash from his son's piggy bank for the purpose of visiting his affair partner. (I almost wrote AP, but I realized in this case, that could totally confuse people, lol)


----------



## angelpixie

Got one of the three things he asked for. In DS' words: 'The perfect combination of rustic and fancy.' That's my boy! Stylin' all the way, lol.


----------



## Nsweet

Ah you're going about this all wrong. It's sad, there's no doubt about that but you could use this situation to your advantage. Think about it...... what's the one think that could drive a couple apart. Better make that a couple of cheaters sooo f*cking in love with each other it makes everyone around them wretch. A misbehaving kid! But not just a kid acting up, no that's too difficult. He would have to have a love hate thing building up that drives the trampire (love that word) crazy. 

All he has to believe is that Trampier is replacing mommy..... Boom! The minute she tries to discipline him or force him to say how he love her your son will hate her with all fire and brimstone. And what you can tell him is so subtle you can't be held responsible for it..... "She's your new mommy now, you have to like her". That's all it takes. No child is going to follow what you say, that's the whole basis of reverse psychology in parenting books. You tell him not to do something and he'll do it. Tell him to do something and he won't. 

So tell him to like her and wait for the expression on chinless's face when he drops him back off. It would be even better if you packed his suitcase and had a favorite stuffed toy you sprayed a little of your perfume on so it smells like mommy.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, Trampire is at least honest enough to tell Chinless that she never intends on having children and has no desire to be a mother figure to DS. Which takes the responsibility of discipline off of her. It also, unfortunately, leaves her like the aunt or grandparent that a kid goes to when they want to do things they're not supposed to do and know that person won't tell Mom. So she has fun with him and lets him get away with everything. And I can't get mad at her for being tough on him cuz she's not. Luckily, like Muskrat's kids, DS still thinks of my place as 'home' and is often openly disappointed when he finds out he's going with Chinless instead of me. 

And, I'm sorry, Nsweet, even for the sake of reverse psychology, I don't think I could _*ever*_ tell DS that someone else is his new mommy (that would break my heart) and he has to like her. I tell him he has to respect his father and that I know his father loves him very much, but I don't say anything positive about the Trampire -- I won't lie. I don't say anything negative, either, but I'm sure he knows how I feel about her. I'm afraid I don't hide those things as well as I probably should. 

If she was trying to go the step-mom route, I would behave differently, to be sure. 

I've also realized that I do not want him back the way he is, and I don't see him changing. And even if they broke up, I don't see him coming back to me. I just don't. He just doesn't see me as anything positive in his life. How do I know? Well, something totally unplanned happened today when I went to pick DS and his friend up at the other house. I was backing out of my driveway, and pulled something in my neck. I tried rubbing it myself, but I couldn't turn my head to the right at all, and it hurt a lot. When I was there, I hated to, but I asked if he could just use his knuckles and rub that spot on my neck. I told him I knew it was a big favor, but I was really in pain and desperate. I have never done anything like that before, even when I was hoping we'd get back together, so I don't think he was suspicious of anything. As he started to, he told me it made him very uncomfortable, and I started to get angry and just say forget it. I mean, jeepers, I'm not a leper. What's all this crap he gives me about being friends? I've seen him give hugs and etc. to supposedly platonic female 'friends'. It really hurt and I needed help. If I had another option, believe me, I would have used it. He knows this has happened to me in the past, so I wasn't making it up. Well, when he rubbed, something popped in my neck (he felt it, too) and it felt a lot better & I could move my head again somewhat. But the whole thing just reminded me of how much I don't want him, and how much he doesn't want me. 

Like Muskrat since his wife left, I made a lot of changes after Chinless gave the speech. Even before he told me it was permanent. Partly because I felt like I no longer had to be afraid of abandonment due to something I did wrong. It was happening no matter what I did or didn't do. About a month before he went public with the Trampire, he openly told me that he knew I was learning things and making changes, and that I wanted a chance for us with what I'd learned, but he had already 'moved on.' 

Well, now I have, too. There's still pain and hurt and anger about what happened. I still don't think it had to end up this way. But it did and I couldn't stop it even though I tried. My conscience is totally clear about that.


----------



## muskrat

Nsweet said:


> Ah you're going about this all wrong. It's sad, there's no doubt about that but you could use this situation to your advantage. Think about it...... what's the one think that could drive a couple apart. Better make that a couple of cheaters sooo f*cking in love with each other it makes everyone around them wretch. A misbehaving kid! But not just a kid acting up, no that's too difficult. He would have to have a love hate thing building up that drives the trampire (love that word) crazy.
> 
> All he has to believe is that Trampier is replacing mommy..... Boom! The minute she tries to discipline him or force him to say how he love her your son will hate her with all fire and brimstone. And what you can tell him is so subtle you can't be held responsible for it..... "She's your new mommy now, you have to like her". That's all it takes. No child is going to follow what you say, that's the whole basis of reverse psychology in parenting books. You tell him not to do something and he'll do it. Tell him to do something and he won't.
> 
> So tell him to like her and wait for the expression on chinless's face when he drops him back off. It would be even better if you packed his suitcase and had a favorite stuffed toy you sprayed a little of your perfume on so it smells like mommy.


This is awesome!!!!


----------



## angelpixie

But on a much more positive note, tonight when I was shopping with DS, I used the money I no longer have to use for a b-day present for Chinless and bought myself a pair of tall brown boots. I've wanted a pair for a couple of years, and I found a really nice pair on sale at T.J. Happy Chinless' Birthday to me!!


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> But on a much more positive note, tonight when I was shopping with DS, I used the money I no longer have to use for a b-day present for Chinless and bought myself a pair of tall brown boots. I've wanted a pair for a couple of years, and I found a really nice pair on sale at T.J. Happy Chinless' Birthday to me!!


Pics or it didn't happen!
No need to wear anything else just the boots would be fine!


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> Pics or it didn't happen!
> No need to wear anything else just the boots would be fine!


----------



## angelpixie

DS and I met Chinless for the transfer of DS at a local store. He walked up behind me and announced his arrival with 'Nice boots!' 

Off to book club, for an intellectual discussion of our book about a plane-load of beauty pageant contestants who crash-land on an island and fight the elements (and each other) for survival. (It is funny, believe it or not) We are meeting at an island-themed restaurant. It is not, contrary to what some of you might hope, a cosplay event.


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Woke up to DS watching this. Good times, good times.
> 
> MST3K -- The Pod People song


Thanks for this - made me laugh. We LOVE MST3K around here. In fact, since we're not sports types, we celebrate Turkey Day with an MST3K marathon.


----------



## angelpixie

*AP finds a bubble bath, a flannel nightgown, and a mug of warm milk appropriate for this evening*


----------



## unsure78

I for one love a good pair of boots!


----------



## angelpixie

I'd still like a pair with a heel in dark chocolate brown, but it's hard for me to find boots that fit. These are a medium brown with a couple of extra straps & buckles. Low heel; more like a riding boot. Very versatile, though -- they looked good with my jeans tucked into them, and I can't wait to wear them with the Brooks Brothers wool skirt I got for $3 last winter. :smthumbup: 

Yeah, I probably dress way too nice for my job, but I don't care. I do it because I want to. Because I thrift I can spend just as much as I would to look schleppy. So, I figure why not spruce it up a little? Apparel TherapyTM I call it.


----------



## unsure78

You are totally making me want to buy another pair of boots.. i have one pair med brown with a high heel with the straps/buckles- love them

then i also have a pair of chocolate brown wool boots, so comfy

Shoes are good... maybe I will participate in some Angel Apparel Therapy today I could use it


----------



## angelpixie

Looks like Chinless will be signing the papers to take over the car loan tomorrow. Hopefully I will get some cash right away. I'm a little on the fence as to what I should do with it. Should I pay off my one credit card or save the cash? I don't think having a zero balance buys me anything when I go to apply for mortgage, right? They still look at my credit limit on the card. Since I had to close my other card last week, that should help in itself. Maybe I should just keep the cash. I don't have much on hand. Opinions?


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Looks like Chinless will be signing the papers to take over the car loan tomorrow. Hopefully I will get some cash right away. I'm a little on the fence as to what I should do with it. Should I pay off my one credit card or save the cash? I don't think having a zero balance buys me anything when I go to apply for mortgage, right? They still look at my credit limit on the card. Since I had to close my other card last week, that should help in itself. Maybe I should just keep the cash. I don't have much on hand. Opinions?


Zero balance helps.

How soon are you applying?

I've just been through the entire proctoscopic process known as "refinancing". Ask me anything.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, as soon as Chinless can get verification of his government program helping with his business, then he can take over the house loan, too. He's gotten verbal approval, but nothing in writing. Immediately after that, I'll be applying. Even with that other card open, I was approved to buy the house myself over a month ago. I'm hopeful that without that extra minimum payment to consider every month, I'll qualify for that much more. But, I'll need cash for the down payment & closing costs. Some of my cash won't come til after the divorce, when Chinless cashes his 1/2 of my retirement to give me the rest of the cash he owes me.

I don't know how they do it where you live, Conrad, but did you have to use a bank appraiser to value your house? We were thinking we'd go ahead and hire one now and just take that information to the bank ourselves just to speed things up a little. When we re-fi'd in 2011, we nearly lost our rate because the wait for an appraiser was weeks.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Sadly I have no advice for you on the bank stuff.

Wanted to drop a line and say Hello though


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Well, as soon as Chinless can get verification of his government program helping with his business, then he can take over the house loan, too. He's gotten verbal approval, but nothing in writing. Immediately after that, I'll be applying. Even with that other card open, I was approved to buy the house myself over a month ago. I'm hopeful that without that extra minimum payment to consider every month, I'll qualify for that much more. But, I'll need cash for the down payment & closing costs. Some of my cash won't come til after the divorce, when Chinless cashes his 1/2 of my retirement to give me the rest of the cash he owes me.
> 
> I don't know how they do it where you live, Conrad, but did you have to use a bank appraiser to value your house? We were thinking we'd go ahead and hire one now and just take that information to the bank ourselves just to speed things up a little. When we re-fi'd in 2011, we nearly lost our rate because the wait for an appraiser was weeks.


I've worked with the same mortgage banker and have refi'd the same property 5 times since 2007.

It gets appraised every time. He sets it up.

Have you just gone straight to the bank every time?


----------



## angelpixie

Hi, Up!! Thanks for stopping by. I miss your old thread.  Did you start a new one?


----------



## angelpixie

Conrad said:


> I've worked with the same mortgage banker and have refi'd the same property 5 times since 2007.
> 
> It gets appraised every time. He sets it up.
> 
> Have you just gone straight to the bank every time?


Yes. Paying for the appraiser is part of their process, but we were just hoping we could be doing _something_ on our own during this forced down-time.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Yes. Paying for the appraiser is part of their process, but we were just hoping we could be doing _something_ on our own during this forced down-time.


I think anyone can order an appraisal. You may be able to save a few bucks by shopping it. You may want to check with the bank and see if there are any companies they won't accept appraisals from.


----------



## Orpheus

in general, the credit wh0res want to see you carrying balances and paying them. it's more beneficial to have lines of credit you're actively and consistently paying on than it is paying things off and closing accounts. counter intuitive but that's why your credit isn't very good when you're cash rich and credit poor.

AP, why are you so eager to buy something?


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks for the input, everybody. I will call the bank tomorrow. Chinless wanted me to call them today after work and I would have, but I had to take DS last-minute birthday shopping for his father. Why couldn't he do it? Because he doesn't feel like the loan officer he spoke to knew as much as the one I did. And besides, he had a 'special phone call' *cough, skype with the trampire, cough* when I dropped DS off this afternoon. 

O -- rents here are ridiculously high. My little crappy 4 room cottage costs nearly as much as the mortgage on our 3 BR 2 BA two-story house -- $50/mo difference -- and the difference will be even less once he re-fis in his own name. I could save a lot each month by buying. Not to mention the iron fist of the rental companies who don't take care of the places and then have the chutzpah to send me a letter threatening to evict me because I have a little table and two chairs in my front yard. (Got that over the weekend) It's an investment for me, too, someplace permanent for DS and me. I worked _really, really_ hard to keep our house when Chinless left his job and we were living on my 3/4-time (at that time) job. We were never even late on a payment. It's just a lot wiser use of my money right now. And I'll never be able to afford one down the road, I know that.


----------



## Orpheus

if rents are that high, can you find something with an inlaw apt in the basement or some such where you could rent out a floor to subsidize the mortgage? why are rents high... college town?


----------



## angelpixie

Yep, totally because it's a college town. I would love to get something with a rental in it. Unfortunately, since I don't already have a background as a landlord, I can't buy an existing duplex, etc., and use current rent as part of my income when calculating my loan. The place I have my eye on (if it sells before Chinless gets his act in gear I don't know where else I'll look) has a fully finished walk-out basement that looks like it would be simple to turn into an apartment. That would still leave me and DS plenty of space to live and for my shop inventory. It will just take a lot of elbow grease, and probably re-wiring. It's not on a busy street, and it's listed with a mom-and-pop real estate office who aren't even advertising it except for a sign out front, so it's not moving. It's part of an estate and from what I heard from the neighbor, the family is desperate to sell. And I'm lucky enough to have a dad who remodels houses, and he and my brother are just waiting for the word to come out here and help me.

I feel like Mary Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life and how much she wants the 'old Granville house,' lol.


----------



## angelpixie

Despite putting nearly no time or effort (and I say this with extreme guilt) into my online shop for the last couple of months, I have sold 3 things in the last couple of days. As I'm printing the invoices out for mailing, I noticed a note that a peignoir someone purchased was from her friend's bridal registry. First off, I had an 'Awwww' moment, and I felt very grateful that someone liked something in my shop enough to put it on a registry. But then the cynical side popped up, and I found myself wanting to put some kind of a warning sticker on it, telling them not to plan on it lasting forever. To always keep a part of themselves in reserve so they have something to inevitably start over with. 

Darn you, Chinless. Why couldn't you have left my romantic notions about love intact? Heavy sigh.


----------



## Matt1720

i like to hope its two people with their heads screwed on straight, rare these days it seems!


----------



## angelpixie

I suppose that's possible, Matt. I'll try to keep positive. How are you doing tonight? Still three sheets, or are you down to one or two?


----------



## Matt1720

i guess my liver works too well, no sheets?


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> Despite putting nearly no time or effort (and I say this with extreme guilt) into my online shop for the last couple of months, I have sold 3 things in the last couple of days. As I'm printing the invoices out for mailing, I noticed a note that a peignoir someone purchased was from her friend's bridal registry. First off, I had an 'Awwww' moment, and I felt very grateful that someone liked something in my shop enough to put it on a registry. But then the cynical side popped up, and I found myself wanting to put some kind of a warning sticker on it, telling them not to plan on it lasting forever. To always keep a part of themselves in reserve so they have something to inevitably start over with.
> 
> Darn you, Chinless. Why couldn't you have left my romantic notions about love intact? Heavy sigh.



Angel, I feel the same way a lot of the time. But we will feel those feelings again. We just need to fix our pickers. They were clearly broken. I may never marry again but I know I will eventually share my life with someone. I still have hope that I will fall in love again. We can't let them take that away from us. I have hope because I'm starting to feel happy again. I didn't think I ever would. I refuse to become jaded.


----------



## unsure78

Angel when the time is right you will find someone wonderful to be in your life, I think you and Orpheus should totally go out, the two of you would be great distractions for each other


----------



## angelpixie

Just finished reading the 11-pages of 'Implementation Updates from the Test Coordinating Committee,' and now I'm off to the 15-page 'Statement of International Cataloguing Principles.' 

Shoot me, please, someone.


----------



## unsure78

Um yea that sounds REALLY boring.... though i just sat thru a webinar on how to reduce error on dissolved oxygen readings in groundwater samples...


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, that doesn't sound any better... 

I'm getting a tense neck trying to keep myself awake.


----------



## unsure78

Hmm where is Orpheus to massage you neck for you?????


----------



## Traggy

Well for what it is worth unsure and angel, I love you gals!


----------



## unsure78

Thanks Traggy! How have you been?


----------



## angelpixie

Aww, thanks, Traggy. Good to see you back!


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Hmm where is Orpheus to massage you neck for you?????


The least he could do is knit me a pillow or something...


----------



## unsure78

Well im going to be off for the night in a few... Im making engineer chicken parmesan for dinner, domestic goddess that I am, LOL...
Have a good rest of the day Angel.


----------



## angelpixie

Yum, yum!! I hope the engineer knows what a lucky guy he is to have a great lady like you, unsure. Have a fantastic evening!!


----------



## jpr

I could really use a new knitting adventure right now. 

...are you listening to me Orpheus? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

angelpixie said:


> The least he could do is knit me a pillow or something...


The perfect one for my life:


----------



## muskrat

Darn it Unsure, do you want to come cook dinner for me and the kids? I don't know much about cooking we eat a lot of Tacos and spaghetti. I do alright on the grill with steaks and such, but it is raining so no outdoor cooking and we had tacos on sunday. I have a big freezer full of meat and don't know what to do with it.


----------



## angelpixie

Get a crock pot, MR. Recipes are easy and it's a great way to not have to spend a lot of time cooking. Make a big pot of something, then freeze half of it for some other time when you're too busy to make anything. Lots and lots of recipes on the web, too. Go to allrecipes.com or even bettycrocker.com. Just google 'crock pot recipes'. If you don't already have one, you can probably get one second hand or at a rummage sale, etc. I got a small one (the family one I had was way to big for DS and me) at a church rummage sale for $1. About 30 years old, but it still works, lol!


----------



## muskrat

I have a good crock pot, I fail to plan ahead though. I don't mind trying to cook, it is the dishes that get me. I need to buy a dishwasher.


----------



## angelpixie

Paper plates.


----------



## Dollystanford

hey I had to sit through a two hour lecture on Board meetings, despite the fact that I have 'administered' over 100....


----------



## In_The_Wind

Dollystanford said:


> hey I had to sit through a two hour lecture on Board meetings, despite the fact that I have 'administered' over 100....


How is Ice man doing ??


----------



## angelpixie

So it looks like today is Terrible Tuesday for all of us. Let's go out and get drunk. Then we can all come back on here and click the live counselor links and mess with them. Sound like fun? :FIREdevil: :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

In_The_Wind said:


> How is Ice man doing ??


what are you quacking on about dear?

angel, I have a nice three fingers of scotch on the go - cheers darling


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> So it looks like today is Terrible Tuesday for all of us. Let's go out and get drunk. Then we can all come back on here and click the live counselor links and mess with them. Sound like fun? :FIREdevil: :rofl:


Sounds good to me....LOL


----------



## muskrat

I haven't drank a drop in over a year, maybe I'll change that this weekend! I haven't done a few other things in well over a year either, maybe I'll get lucky this weekend and change that also.


----------



## angelpixie

And I'm totally kidding, Chris and mods. (bats eyelashes innocently)


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> I haven't drank a drop in over a year, maybe I'll change that this weekend! I haven't done a few other things in well over a year either, maybe I'll get lucky this weekend and change that also.



Well, look at you go!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Matt1720

"slur at a live online counselor"


----------



## angelpixie

Matt1720 said:


> "slur at a live online counselor"


:rofl: Well, at least now they've been forewarned.


----------



## angelpixie

TTFN, everybody. Will see you all later on tonight!


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> Well, look at you go!! :smthumbup:


In the interest of full disclosure. I am on the board of directors for a QDMA branch at my cabin. We have our annual banquet this weekend, catered meal and kegs. I will be helping run the banquet, but afterwards we always have to empty the kegs.
This year we hired some ladies to help sell raffle tickets, as long as they aren't teenagers I might try and get them to stay for the after party!


----------



## angelpixie

A man with a plan. I like that.


----------



## In_The_Wind

Dollystanford said:


> what are you quacking on about dear?
> 
> angel, I have a nice three fingers of scotch on the go - cheers darling


Remember you were going to give all the admins top gun nick names ?? like maverick , iceman etc


----------



## angelpixie

New pic up with me and my boots.


----------



## muskrat

angelpixie said:


> New pic up with me and my boots.


Nice boots, you deserve them!
I have to admit when I first read your post I thought it said "nude pic up with me and my boots" got very excited, looked at the pic and got confused, came back and saw it said "new". what a let down!:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Sorry  I'll just switch it out for one of them in the box.


----------



## unsure78

You look fabulous Angel- I love the new boots!


----------



## unsure78

muskrat said:


> Darn it Unsure, do you want to come cook dinner for me and the kids? I don't know much about cooking we eat a lot of Tacos and spaghetti. I do alright on the grill with steaks and such, but it is raining so no outdoor cooking and we had tacos on sunday. I have a big freezer full of meat and don't know what to do with it.


I make a mean lasagna muskrat... maybe one day I will make you a batch and ship it out to you


----------



## bandit.45

Boots look awesome hon!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, Bandit & Unsure!


----------



## Traggy

unsure78 said:


> Thanks Traggy! How have you been?


Been good and been bad. Just trying to get done with all of this, but I am getting there!


----------



## angelpixie

Hey, salesman in cubicle next to me: STFU. Some of us are trying to work here.  

Or at least use your 'inside' voice. Oh, that IS your inside voice? Well, then yeah, STFU.


----------



## Orpheus

meow with the sassy and the boots.


----------



## angelpixie

purrrr :cat:


----------



## angelpixie

For years I wore my engagement and wedding rings together. My engagement was always too big, and was forever twisting. Over the years I wore it, I'm sure I twisted it back with my thumb thousands of times. 

But I haven't worn those rings in a year and a half. So why do I keep doing that 'un-twisting' movement today? It's like when you're wearing contacts and you still reach to push up glasses that aren't there. It's driving me crazy. I could see it if I'd just stopped wearing my rings, but this is bizarre. Things like this kind of tick me off. It's bad enough when you hear a song, or have some other sensory thing trigger a memory or a feeling, but in this case it's like my own body is doing it to my mind. Does this kind of stuff keep happening out of nowhere? Or can I hope that it will stop? 

I am kind of surprised at my own reaction though. I'm not sad that I don't have on a wedding ring anymore. And I loved my engagement ring. I'm sad in general when I think at the waste of what could have been, but I'm not sad anymore about it ending _now_. He fought me instead of joining me to fight back against what was tearing us apart. It would have taken a lot of work, but we could have done it. It makes me sad to think I wasn't worth it to him. But I no longer think that I wasn't worth it, period. That right there is a pretty darn big deal. I almost can't believe I just wrote it, and that I believe it. I guess all the work and IC has helped after all. It's only taken me all these years in my life to get to a point like this. Not sure what to do with this realization. So, I'm just sharing it here.


----------



## sadwithouthim

I've got to read your full journal once I am done with Synthetics. I spent so much time in my own misery that it would be nice to catch up and see how you are doing.


----------



## angelpixie

You're welcome to, Sad. It meanders all over the place, lol.


----------



## Dollystanford

I used to play with my rings in meetings when I was bored, I still do it now but it doesn't seem to trigger me
it's funny but nothing much seems to trigger me, I don't know what that means - but I for example I can even listen to our 'first dance' wedding song and feel nothing
sometimes I feel like I'm just being a cold-hearted b*tch but I can't force myself to feel what I don't
my divorce will be final in a week - 6 months start to finish. Why don't I feel more upset? I read what everyone else writes and wonder what's wrong with me :/


----------



## angelpixie

And another update:
As of yesterday, the cars are totally separated. My name is no longer on the car loan. Unfortunately, I won't see any money til the house either sells or get re-fi'd because his program required him to pay off and close his only credit card and keep money aside for closing costs. It makes me nervous, but I know this isn't really his choice. And he has nothing on his own to give me. 

We've also agreed to stop pooling our money and sharing housing costs. I did it to make sure he wouldn't have a way to keep me from getting1/2 the equity of the house by saying I hadn't been paying for it. But that's written into the property settlement, so we don't have to worry about that. I will be officially living on my own paycheck and my half of DS' benefit. 

Whole new life. Trying to feel positive about it, but it's kind of scary and not where I wanted to be at this point in my life.


----------



## angelpixie

It's funny you brought up your first wedding song. I just heard mine this weekend while I was shopping. For a moment, I couldn't breathe and my chest was so tight. I wanted to run out of the store. But I forced myself to stay and just started doing some of the mindfulness stuff I've been learning in group. It really did help! I was able to make it through and wasn't even really paying attention to it by the time it was done. 

I honestly don't know why things hit me so badly, considering how hurt and unhappy I was by the time I left. I think a lot of the things that hurt the most remind me of the 'old him' and that's who I miss and mourn the loss of. And I know he was connected to my dreams of the future, which is now lost, too. 

Because when I think strictly of how many bad things happened that last year alone before the speech, I don't know why I didn't pull the plug, except for the enmeshed codependent relationship we had.

And speaking of enmeshed, I am extremely proud of myself for not contacting him at all today to wish him a happy birthday. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> I used to play with my rings in meetings when I was bored, I still do it now but it doesn't seem to trigger me
> it's funny but nothing much seems to trigger me, I don't know what that means - but I for example I can even listen to our 'first dance' wedding song and feel nothing
> sometimes I feel like I'm just being a cold-hearted b*tch but I can't force myself to feel what I don't
> my divorce will be final in a week - 6 months start to finish. Why don't I feel more upset? I read what everyone else writes and wonder what's wrong with me :/


I think maybe you were just not as codependent as the rest of us, Dolly. Maybe you were able to stand back from it all and see him for what he was a little more clearly, thus leading to not really missing him.


----------



## Dollystanford

maybe - I knew that I felt a sense of relief once I'd got over the ego-spanking of being left 

ps you really do fill out a sweater quite magnificently x


----------



## Orpheus

it's his birthday today, you've just wrapped up a significant financial entanglement and you wonder why you've got phantom rings on today?

or is it that you're dreaming about me? ::cough::

you need to sit down with DeMello and give it another shot AP. That whole "i'm not good enough for him" crap isn't helping you. the difference you note is negligible. we need to get you over the wall to where you start talking about his limitations being about him. not about our girl.


----------



## angelpixie

You oughta do something about that cough, sweetie. 

I think you read my post wrong -- I wasn't saying I wasn't good enough for him. I was saying he didn't think I was good enough for him. Which is totally true, or we wouldn't be in this place today. And like Dolly said, that is a bit of a shot to the ego. But I no longer think I was something bad that happened to him, or that what was wrong with me ruined his life. I brought an awful lot of good to his life. Without a doubt.


----------



## Dollystanford

that's the most difficult thing - knowing that I was supportive of him and would have had his back until the end, and knowing that wasn't enough for him

I know he regrets it - he's told me so. His FB status update just after he told me he still loved me and would never find anyone that understands him like me  was 'tosspot acts in haste and repents at leisure'

but it's gone too far now and he knows that there's no going back for us. Our life was good compared to a hell of a lot of people - we had money, a house, freedom to do pretty much what we wanted. And he threw it away

My conscience is clear and I'm thankful for that - and yours should be too angelface. We married little boys who always want 'more' out of life. Well let them try to find it, both of us know it's not going to happen


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm a bit drunk in case you hadn't noticed


----------



## Matt1720

we don't notice at this point


----------



## angelpixie

I found a recipe for bourbon salted caramels. Gives me an excuse to buy bourbon.


----------



## Dollystanford

recipe:

buy Lindt salt caramel chocolate
dip in bourbon
eat


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> For years I wore my engagement and wedding rings together. My engagement was always too big, and was forever twisting. Over the years I wore it, I'm sure I twisted it back with my thumb thousands of times.
> 
> But I haven't worn those rings in a year and a half. So why do I keep doing that 'un-twisting' movement today? It's like when you're wearing contacts and you still reach to push up glasses that aren't there. It's driving me crazy. I could see it if I'd just stopped wearing my rings, but this is bizarre. Things like this kind of tick me off. It's bad enough when you hear a song, or have some other sensory thing trigger a memory or a feeling, but in this case it's like my own body is doing it to my mind. Does this kind of stuff keep happening out of nowhere? Or can I hope that it will stop?
> 
> I am kind of surprised at my own reaction though. I'm not sad that I don't have on a wedding ring anymore. And I loved my engagement ring. I'm sad in general when I think at the waste of what could have been, but I'm not sad anymore about it ending _now_. He fought me instead of joining me to fight back against what was tearing us apart. It would have taken a lot of work, but we could have done it. It makes me sad to think I wasn't worth it to him. But I no longer think that I wasn't worth it, period. That right there is a pretty darn big deal. I almost can't believe I just wrote it, and that I believe it. I guess all the work and IC has helped after all. It's only taken me all these years in my life to get to a point like this. Not sure what to do with this realization. So, I'm just sharing it here.


I still catch myself doing the same thing with regards to the absense of my rings. It is annoying. I do it rarely though anymore. I'm actually looking forward to having them redesigned into something else. I can't sell them. My grandmothers diamonds are in my wedding band.


----------



## Orpheus

> It makes me sad to think I wasn't worth it to him.


yeah... um. don't want to split hairs and all but you're doing this thing where you're talking about how he makes you sad to yourself. that's what i was responding to.


----------



## cantmove

Dollystanford said:


> I used to play with my rings in meetings when I was bored, I still do it now but it doesn't seem to trigger me
> it's funny but nothing much seems to trigger me, I don't know what that means - but I for example I can even listen to our 'first dance' wedding song and feel nothing
> sometimes I feel like I'm just being a cold-hearted b*tch but I can't force myself to feel what I don't
> my divorce will be final in a week - 6 months start to finish. Why don't I feel more upset? I read what everyone else writes and wonder what's wrong with me :/


There's nothing wrong with you. You're just done and you got there quicker than some. I don't trigger like a lot of people. He can get to me only if we are talking. When I don't see him or talk to him, I really am not sad about not having him. I only feel sad about my son.


----------



## cantmove

Dollystanford said:


> I'm a bit drunk in case you hadn't noticed


I didn't notice but wine therapy has just begun at my house. Heres to shedding boys masquerading as grown men!


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> recipe:
> 
> buy Lindt salt caramel chocolate
> dip in bourbon
> eat


I don't think I've ever seen that Lindt here. Sounds yummy! :smthumbup: (even without bourbon, lol)



Orpheus said:


> yeah... um. don't want to split hairs and all but you're doing this thing where you're talking about how he makes you sad to yourself. that's what i was responding to.


Gotcha now.


----------



## angelpixie

cantmove said:


> I didn't notice but wine therapy has just begun at my house. Heres to shedding boys masquerading as grown men!


I read that as you not noticing that wine therapy had begun at your house. I guess I don't even need the wine tonight. :rofl:


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> I don't think I've ever seen that Lindt here. Sounds yummy! :smthumbup: (even without bourbon, lol)
> 
> 
> 
> Gotcha now.


Lindt chocolate is sooo good.


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> I read that as you not noticing that wine therapy had begun at your house. I guess I don't even need the wine tonight. :rofl:



Oops, I meant I didn't notice Dolly was drunk. However I have poured myself a glass of red wine. And as another person here who is married to a spoiled child I thought we should toast shedding them. I saw my lawyer today. I'm getting closer:smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

i have a nice glass of white wine ladies...
good for you cant... and dont let him get to you-he still never even left the OW
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

I had just enough time to drop off the amended drafts (and a letter updating everything that changed since my last appt) with my lawyer, too. I've been carrying around those drafts with me for weeks. But I guess today was the right day. If I'd taken them in earlier, she'd have just had to amend them again to reflect the latest changes. Saved me a little money!  As soon as DS goes off for his dinner with his dad, I'll join you all with a glass of white myself.


----------



## angelpixie

Gee, I guess I'm really celebrating. The only wine I have (besides my Sauternes and my Tokaji) is a sparkling one. Whoopee!


----------



## jpr

I'm drinking beer with my mother in law tonight.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Hope it's going well for you, jpr!! Glad you and MiL could join us.


----------



## bandit.45

Beer, wine....WTF? You guys are killing me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Sorry, sweetie.


----------



## jpr

It is going well. ...better. It was a sasquatch-free day today. 

I find myself weepier than normal...but, I am ok. I got some kind and wise words from a friend tonight that helped tremendously.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Sorry bandit. I am having some hot tea right now...seriously. Its wonderful too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

angelpixie said:


> Sorry, sweetie.


LOL! Just razzing! You ladies have fun. I'm still at work. Bleh...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Why working so late tonight, Bandit?


----------



## Orpheus

jpr, i'm rocking some Earl Gray here at the house of tears. trying to atone for my unplanned bender last night.


----------



## jpr

Orpheus said:


> jpr, i'm rocking some Earl Gray here at the house of tears. trying to atone for my unplanned bender last night.


Earl grey?? At this time of night? You must not like to sleep. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

angelpixie said:


> Why working so late tonight, Bandit?


Switching over to a new division. I'm tidying up my Las Vegas properties to hand them over to another manager. Next week I'll be in Hollywood where we are starting a developement project for Cedar's Sanai hospital. I get to rub elbows with the stars! 

Well, not really. I'll be in a basment office with a bunch of construction dudes. 

Ugh. I hate Hollywood. F*cking dump.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Sasquatch went to grad school at UCLA. I don't like la. Crowded and dirty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Woo hoo!! Hit 5000 posts! :woohoo: :toast: (no, I'm not going to have another beer)

And MR, as far as I know, that is the first time I have seen that particular equation. Um, thank you? Truth? I'm a little embarassed, lol.


----------



## Orpheus

Get a room you two!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Orpheus said:


> Get a room you two!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


jealousy doesn't go well with your skin tone!:rofl:


----------



## Orpheus

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

muskrat said:


> jealousy doesn't go well with your skin tone!:rofl:


hahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> Woo hoo!! Hit 5000 posts! :woohoo: :toast: (no, I'm not going to have another beer)
> 
> And MR, as far as I know, that is the first time I have seen that particular equation. Um, thank you? Truth? I'm a little embarassed, lol.


It's supposed to be a compliment Angel. Even if it is a bit crass.


----------



## bandit.45

Rat, he be horny....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Another day, another $1.92...:smthumbup:


----------



## muskrat

bandit.45 said:


> Rat, he be horny....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm all talk, no action! Not by choice entirely.
Yes AP it was a compliment and yes it was crass.


----------



## bandit.45

muskrat said:


> I'm all talk, no action! Not by choice entirely.
> Yes AP it was a compliment and yes it was crass.


Aw....go hunting. Go kill something. It'll make you feel better about yourself and it'll take the edge off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

bandit.45 said:


> Aw....go hunting. Go kill something. It'll make you feel better about yourself and it'll take the edge off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah. God knows it works for me. Every time I get a little 'overwrought' (as my h.s. German teacher once put it :rofl: ), I get out the fly swatter or the weed whacker. Works every time.


----------



## bandit.45

Deer deserve to die. Selfish bastards.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

This is quickly turning into "Angel's Friends' Runaway Testosterone Thread"


----------



## bandit.45

Whoooop whoop whooop! Pant...pant...pant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

I kicked the cat up the ass, does that count?


----------



## bandit.45

Dollystanford said:


> I kicked the cat up the ass, does that count?


Atta girl!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Ruined the mood for today didn't I?


----------



## angelpixie

Pretty good day yesterday. Chinless agreed to watch DS again so I could go to dance class last night. Our local art museum was having its periodic open-house type family event, and we've both taken DS there in the past. Chinless was photographing it, but all of the hipster posse was there, so DS wouldn't be wandering around alone. (I was there working on the art projects with him til my class). The theme was recycled art, and it was really fun. There was a 'fashion show' after, which I had to miss. DS apparently came in 2nd with this awesome hat he made. Everyone loved my tiara, but I didn't enter the contest, lol. It was the first time I'd been there since Feb, since they switched and started falling on Chinless' night with DS. Got a rather cool reception from Chinless' closest female friend (who I personally believe is who he really wants, instead of the Trampire, but she's not interested in him in that way) which was different, and was totally ignored by the rest of the crowd. Even when I was walking and standing with DS, who they all talked to. Even tho Chinless and I aren't together anymore, I'm still a human being worthy of respectful treatment. They can't even f'ing say hello? What a bunch of arrogant, entitled twerps. I'm glad they are nice to DS, but he is a very likeable kid. If they were all mad at Chinless for some reason, they'd stop being nice to DS,too. 

I did think of you men on here, though at one point. The Trampire's former boyfriend was there. First time I'd seen hiim in several months (I think he left town for a while). Mind you, Chinless was supposedly helping him with his depression while he was still with the Trampire, and was supposedly on his side when she broke up with him (in a rather tacky fashion, I might add). I know now (suspected it then) they were having an EA all that time. He was hanging around Chinless last night like some kind of mopey wuss. I found I got really disgusted at him. How can you be friends with the guy who was basically lying to you when he was wanting your girlfriend, and who started screwing her a mere few months later? Don't you get it? I just wanted to shake him and slap some sense into him. I kind of suspected how you'd all react to someone like him. 

I was the only student at class, so it turned into a personal training session. Holy crap am I sore today!! She is an awesome teacher. Very positive and really connects the exercise and dance parts with how the person feels about herself. Even spent a bit of time talking about how much change she's seen in me since my first class back in March (she actually got teary-eyed). We packed a lot into that hour, lol!

When I picked DS up, I told Chinless how much I appreciated the change in schedule so I could take the class (positive reinforcement, right?). He finally asked what the class actually was. I had actually written about it, and that first class, in the really long 'good-bye' letter I'd written him. Obviously, he never read it, which he told me when I gave it to him. Not even out of curiosity. That afraid of a challenge to his view of things, I guess. 
Anyway, when I told him it was strip-tease fitness, he was quite surprised, lol. But he recovered nicely. No, Chinless, I am not the same way I was when I was with you.


----------



## Matt1720

and no, he will not be getting a demonstration lol


----------



## angelpixie

Hell will freeze over first.


----------



## In_The_Wind

Matt1720 said:


> and no, he will not be getting a demonstration lol


pixie just send me the videos I will approve them for youtube so we can forward them to chinless :rofl::rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

In_The_Wind said:


> pixie just send me the videos I will approve them for youtube so we can forward them to chinless :rofl::rofl:


Ha ha. Yeah you would be going :rofl: if you saw them. 


ETA: WAIT! What videos?!?!


----------



## angelpixie

Anyone else sit on an exercise ball while at their desk? I'm trying my co-worker's one right now. I can kind of already see how it will make me hold my back differently. Feels kind of weird, though, I must admit!


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Anyone else sit on an exercise ball while at their desk? I'm trying my co-worker's one right now. I can kind of already see how it will make me hold my back differently. Feels kind of weird, though, I must admit!


I hear if you get the posture correct (as in any workout really) it will really help your core strengthen.


----------



## angelpixie

That's what I'm hoping for. I'm just wondering about what size to get. If you look at the guidelines based on a person's height, it seems like it would be too short for working at a desk. I had to lower my keyboard tray to use this one.


----------



## Matt1720

angelpixie said:


> Anyone else sit on an exercise ball while at their desk? I'm trying my co-worker's one right now. I can kind of already see how it will make me hold my back differently. Feels kind of weird, though, I must admit!


----------



## angelpixie

LOL!! Not quite that bad. :rofl:


----------



## Matt1720

some days, you just don't even feel like pretending to wiggle the mouse.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, another reason I like the idea of an exercise ball is that I don't feel like I'm multi-tasking enough at work.


----------



## angelpixie

Possible downside? Makes it impossible not to bounce along with Pandora while working.


----------



## angelpixie

Are they messing with the ads again? I was just in a thread, and instead of the top banner ad, there were just the words 

groovy_out

And no, it wasn't a music-related thread.


----------



## bandit.45

angelpixie said:


> Are they messing with the ads again? I was just in a thread, and instead of the top banner ad, there were just the words
> 
> groovy_out
> 
> And no, it wasn't a music-related thread.


What I don't like is that new banner they stuck to our posts advertising counselors. Get that sh*t off my post dudes!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

There was a whole thread talking about it over the weekend, and I was going to post the link for you, but I can't find it now. To sum up, Chris had to make a decision between doing this and charging people a fee for TAM as this is an expensive site to run (very busy). Some counseling provider bought up 4 months worth of ads, so that's what we're seeing. 
We all posted suggestions about placing the links in a different order so that we weren't accidentally clicking the 'Talk with a live counselor' link when we meant to 'like' a post, but I guess they need to keep it the way it is? 

At any rate, they're not going anywhere, and if it's a choice between looking at that link or paying for TAM, I guess I know which one I have to pick, my finances don't give me that choice right now. Hopefully in the future, as I've gotten a heck of a lot from TAM. (Forum Supporters do not see the link in their posts.)


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> There was a whole thread talking about it over the weekend, and I was going to post the link for you, but I can't find it now. To sum up, Chris had to make a decision between doing this and charging people a fee for TAM as this is an expensive site to run (very busy). Some counseling provider bought up 4 months worth of ads, so that's what we're seeing.
> We all posted suggestions about placing the links in a different order so that we weren't accidentally clicking the 'Talk with a live counselor' link when we meant to 'like' a post, but I guess they need to keep it the way it is?
> 
> At any rate, they're not going anywhere, and if it's a choice between looking at that link or paying for TAM, I guess I know which one I have to pick, my finances don't give me that choice right now. Hopefully in the future, as I've gotten a heck of a lot from TAM. (Forum Supporters do not see the link in their posts.)


No we don't.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, I bought my exercise ball today. Think I'll make a special trip up to work tomorrow to drop it off. The way the parking is on weekdays, I'd end up carrying the dumb thing halfway across campus. 

Had to buy a wedding present today. Picking out a card was ... tough. All this talk of 'forever' and 'best friend' and of course, love. I mean, 'love.' Advice for a successful marriage. I thought it just too ironic for me to send one of those.

Sigh. Heavy sigh. 

On my own today, so just keeping busy.


----------



## jpr

ugh. I had a similar experience last week. During that baby shower, we were supposed to write some "words of advice" for the parents-to-be. 

...all I could think of was, "Keep your husband on a tight leash, otherwise he might leave you and your baby for a younger girl. "




gosh....I don't want this to make me jaded, but I fear that it has.


----------



## Matt1720

heres a good song for STFC


----------



## angelpixie

jpr said:


> ugh. I had a similar experience last week. During that baby shower, we were supposed to write some "words of advice" for the parents-to-be.
> 
> ...all I could think of was, "Keep your husband on a tight leash, otherwise he might leave you and your baby for a younger girl. "
> 
> 
> 
> 
> gosh....I don't want this to make me jaded, but I fear that it has.


I hear you.


----------



## angelpixie

I am officially overwhelmed.


----------



## Matt1720

why whats up


----------



## Dollystanford

jpr said:


> ugh. I had a similar experience last week. During that baby shower, we were supposed to write some "words of advice" for the parents-to-be.
> 
> ...all I could think of was, "Keep your husband on a tight leash, otherwise he might leave you and your baby for a younger girl. "
> 
> 
> 
> 
> gosh....I don't want this to make me jaded, but I fear that it has.


I don't know, the wedding I went to was beautiful and emotional and apart from the odd wry smile I didn't feel too jaded, I just felt happy for them.

This guy came up to me and gave me a hug and said 'god I haven't seen you in years!'. I said 'hi, good to see you' then turned to my friend and said 'who the f*ck was that?'. She said 'it's xxx, you slept with him. More than once'


----------



## Matt1720

that memorable huh?


----------



## Dollystanford

15 years ago
all a bit of a blur frankly


----------



## Matt1720

how do i make this time in my life a blur?


----------



## Dollystanford

alcohol and marijuana


----------



## Matt1720

i'm on track then


----------



## cantmove

Dollystanford said:


> I don't know, the wedding I went to was beautiful and emotional and apart from the odd wry smile I didn't feel too jaded, I just felt happy for them.
> 
> This guy came up to me and gave me a hug and said 'god I haven't seen you in years!'. I said 'hi, good to see you' then turned to my friend and said 'who the f*ck was that?'. She said 'it's xxx, you slept with him. More than once'


Oops!:scratchhead: Well that's embarrassing. I'm positive he must look very different.


----------



## cantmove

Dollystanford said:


> alcohol and marijuana



For me that was called college.


----------



## Dollystanford

cantmove said:


> Oops!:scratchhead: Well that's embarrassing. I'm positive he must look very different.


he just looked vaguely familiar heh heh

I spoke to my friend who also attended this morning - she had to get up at 5am with her 3 year old and baby
My daughter made me breakfast in bed

Happy days


----------



## cantmove

Dollystanford said:


> he just looked vaguely familiar heh heh
> 
> I spoke to my friend who also attended this morning - she had to get up at 5am with her 3 year old and baby
> My daughter made me breakfast in bed
> 
> Happy days



Good for you. That's so sweet.


----------



## jpr

cantmove said:


> For me that was called college.


I majored in math in college....so, I was always in the library studying and working on problems. ...I was such a nerd.  I feel like I missed out on all that stuff in college.


----------



## cantmove

jpr said:


> I majored in math in college....so, I was always in the library studying and working on problems. ...I was such a nerd.  I feel like I missed out on all that stuff in college.


I did have a lot of fun but I wish I had been more of a nerd and worked harder in school.


----------



## Orpheus

> The Center for Sex and Culture at Folsom Street Fair Librarians, Leather and Literature — Oh, my!
> 
> September is sexy with Folsom Street Fair coming up this Sunday. But remember — this month is also Library Card Sign-up Month, so visit the Center for Sex and Culture booth on 8th and Folsom at Folsom Street Fair. Sign up for your library membership or give a donation *and get book-spanked by a librarian*. (If you give a higher donation, you may even be able to do the spanking.)


----------



## jpr

yowzers!


----------



## angelpixie

Line forms to the right...


----------



## angelpixie

Tough weekend past. Trying to make decisions about my future with an absence of concretes with which to make those decisions. 

Deciding to just stay in a holding pattern and not push or fret what I have no control over, and keep moving forward with what I can. Had a little more productive weekend of packing up (I will be moving out at some point, so I might as well not leave it til last minute). 

I also indulged and bought some lovely wool and started knitting last night. I believe this calls for a yarning story (but I doubt we'll get one. sigh). 

Back to the drudge this week. It will be crazy busy at work, and I'm scheduled to teach a session of this class we all have to take. Trying not to panic about my low wattage brain. Not sleeping much at all again (broken up 3-4 hours a night?), so I might have to give in and go back to my expensive meds again so I don't have a crash. Sucks that they were the only things that really worked for me. Grrr. 

Had a dream last night where Chinless and the Trampire were together in bed in the next room to me with the door open. It was very sunny in their room and very dark in mine. Afterward, he was suddenly gone, and she and I were talking. It was all very civil and she very openly and matter-of-factly discussed their 'relationship.' I was trying to just act as if it was a totally normal thing to do that. Makes me sick now to think about it. But my dreams have that kind of unfortunate clarity. Ugh.

Ran into her ex at the coffee shop I walked to yesterday morning. Second time in 4 days I've seen him. That probably didn't help. We're both understandably awkward now; not like when Chinless and I were just broken up. He was just very nice to me then.

------------------------------

I need to spank someone with a book to cheer myself up.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Spank away!


----------



## angelpixie

The last 2 times I saw Chinless (Saturday dropping DS off with him and yesterday picking DS up), I can tell something is going on with him. He has that 'ready to break down any minute' demeanor that I know so well. For the first time I really felt no need to reach out, not ask what's wrong or how he's doing. I felt totally detached. I also felt like he wanted me to ask so that he could tell me. He deflated further while I was there. I was very cordial, but business-like, trying to get DS and his stuff rounded up, since Chinless couldn't be bothered.

I felt like a heartless b!tch, but I realize that's the old me talking. I don't want him to be truly suffering, but I'm convinced the vast majority of it is self-inflicted and I have no more time for that. I cannot fix it, and he doesn't really want to put the work into doing it. He hasn't asked how I"m doing in god knows how long. 

The biggest worry I have now is that the more time DS spends with him now that the Trampire is gone, the old sullen self-pitying Chinless will be out in the open (no reason to hide it since he's not trying to impress her except via Skype) and DS will be roped into my old role of trying to make him feel better. I'm going to have to be extra vigilant to signs of that. I don't want DS put in that position, especially at his age. I dealt with that with my mom, and it ends up murdering a developing person. That becomes your total identity. And I know from personal experience that Chinless is an emotional vampire.


----------



## unsure78

Good for you Angel! Being able to not go in and "rescue" him (albeit from himself), thats HARD! I agree though watch out for DS, dont let him take over your old role... How long is Trampire gone for?


----------



## angelpixie

She won't be back til the end of May, though he's going to see her in France for two weeks at the end of Oct-beg of November. I don't know if she'll be home for Christmas.


----------



## unsure78

I really dont know how you and Cant do it with the stbx still with the OW and her being around too. I guess I lucked out on that.. ex and his OW broke up shortly after we separated... but I know he still has contact with her... I have too say if ex started dating I would be totally ok with it except if he went back to the OW, just the fact that she could be ok f'n around with a married man with a small child still makes my blood boil.

I wonder do you ever really get over and ok with the OW?


----------



## angelpixie

I think I'll be more OK with the idea that Chinless has an OW, but this particular one? No. My first impression of her was as a lush, then it really didn't go up from there. I tried to be friends with her for Chinless' sake (joke's on me, eh?) when he was just in grad school and making new friends. We lunched together, she bought a couple things from my shop. But then the two of them very obviously were spending more time together than appropriate. He hadn't given me the speech yet and she was still living with someone (referred to his parents as her in-laws, even). 

So, no, they're both cheaters, and their relationship either helped to lead to, or was based on the destruction of two others, one of them a 10-year marriage (at that time). 

I still despise her as a person, and I don't see that changing.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, that was weird. Chinless just called, all friendly, and wanted to have a little chat to compare notes on DS. Talk ended up moving to the refi, and I think that's what's getting him really down. His hands are tied right now with not being able to earn/have much money on hand until he's in this program, and until he's in the program we can't do the house refi in his name, which he knows is also holding up my life. I nicely (all of this was very nice and civil) reminded him that I wanted DS in a place with decent heat this winter and so time really is of the essence. Everyone is waiting on one woman headquartered in another state who is on the verge of retirement and not doing anything quickly. Chinless has also never been one of those 'squeaky wheel' types of people. Hopefully, he'll start to stand up a little more and just keep bugging her til she writes the one little letter that makes all the difference. She was even told that it was needed quickly -- a *month* ago. By the time we hung up, I could tell he was way more stressed just telling me about it all. He seems to be honestly trying to do things the right way, but is getting stymied, unfortunately. Major sigh.


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> Well, that was weird. Chinless just called, all friendly, and wanted to have a little chat to compare notes on DS. Talk ended up moving to the refi, and I think that's what's getting him really down. His hands are tied right now with not being able to earn/have much money on hand until he's in this program, and until he's in the program we Cantu do the house refi in his name, which he knows is also holding up my life. I nicely (all of this was very nice and civil) reminded him that I wanted DS in a place with decent heat this winter and so time really is of the essence. Everyone is waiting on one woman headquartered in another state who is on the verge of retirement and not doing anything quickly. Chinless has also never been one of those 'squeaky wheel' types of people. Hopefully, he'll start to stand up a little more and just keep bugging her til she writes the one little letter that makes all the difference. She was even told that it was needed quickly -- a *month* ago. By the time we hung up, I could tell he was way more stressed just telling me about it all. He seems to be honestly trying to do things the right way, but is getting stymied, unfortunately. Major sigh.


I will never be ok with her. As long as she is in his life I will never be more than civil to him. And if they get married, I can't imagine speaking to her. She will never be a part of my sons life no matter what I have to do. She blames my son for nutless not leaving sooner. I know this from her own mouth the day she chased me down a screamed nasty stuff at me. I hope for my sons sake that things don't work out for them and he finds someone descent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Geez, CM, she has balls, doesn't she?! 'Blaming' his son for being the reason he hasn't left that son and his mother? That's just unreal. How do people justify thoughts like that? 

You've come a long way in being able to say you hope he finds someone decent. You are far better than anyone else he'll meet, at any rate. 

for my part, since I know mine's the 'head over heels' type, I hope more for him to stay celibate til DS grows up.


----------



## Dollystanford

yeah tosspot has a new girlfriend - despite not being single for more than about a week since he was 14 apparently he 'doesn't need anyone'

*ahem*

doesn't really bother me, it's someone else's turn to deal with the teen girlie dramatics. 

Do I hope he finds someone decent? Well actually no, he already did and I was that person. What I want him to find is someone who will call him out on his bullsh*t. Then when he realises that he has to be a man rather than a teenage boy who throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way he'll realise that he didn't have it so bad after all. And I will LAUGH


----------



## cantmove

Dollystanford said:


> yeah tosspot has a new girlfriend - despite not being single for more than about a week since he was 14 apparently he 'doesn't need anyone'
> 
> *ahem*
> 
> doesn't really bother me, it's someone else's turn to deal with the teen girlie dramatics.
> 
> Do I hope he finds someone decent? Well actually no, he already did and I was that person. What I want him to find is someone who will call him out on his bullsh*t. Then when he realises that he has to be a man rather than a teenage boy who throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way he'll realise that he didn't have it so bad after all. And I will LAUGH




I don't really want nutless to find someone descent. But my angel is only 12 and he's going to be stuck with someone that nutless picks. So for his sake alone I need her to be descent.

If my son weren't a factor, I'd love for nutless to end up with the posow. That way their self destructive disgusting relationship would play out and I would sincerely hope she cheats first. He deserves it.


----------



## cantmove

Ok so I'm thread jacking a little but I need someone to commiserate or give me advice. This is for those that have older children like Pixie and Dolly. 
Have you found that you are letting things slide with your kids out of some sort of guilt and it's coming back to bite you? I realized today when my son sent me to my knees that his awful words are possibly my doing. 

So my son is normally a straight A student. However I have to be on top of things at all times because he is lazy about school. Well I have been letting a lot slide in regards to the time he spends on school work because I want him to be ok. By ok I mean not mad at me and able to hang out with his friends since when at his fathers he can't see his friends. 

Anyhoo, I've been caving to the please moms way too much and his grades are tanking. Today I really got on to him hard about it. Of course I got this dejected look and these really harsh words that sent me into the bathroom crying. It's my doing. I've let things slide and now that he's suffering the consequences I'm threatening to ground him. He's so mad at me right now. And to make it worse, while he's mad at me, he still was worried about me being upset with him. On the way to practice he kept looking at me saying I love you mom and holding my hand. He doesn't want to upset me. Can I just say I hate this $hit. It's all so unfair to them.Someone please tell me what the right thing is. I feel like I'm drowning right now. Btw I used almost no punctuation and I don't care.


----------



## jpr

I don't know what I would do with Sasquatch ends up with his little Tart. I can't stand her....not after everything that went down. I read too many text messages and emails between Sasquatch and his Tart. ....and it is unfathomable to me that someone would be hitting on a man and writing explicit texts to him while his wife is 9 months pregnant. ....begging for my then-husband's attention. 

...she even had the nerve to show up at my son's baptism. She sat at the back of church and watched my "happy" family stand up in front my congregation and watched my son get christened. 

Just thinking about it sickens me. I despise her....I don't think I have ever despised anyone in that way. 

The thought of having the Tart tuck in my son at night just makes me want to scream. ....and then cry. 

I never knew that people like her and Sasquatch really existed in real life. I thought that despicable characters like them were reserved for bad Lifetime movies. ...it is just amazing to me that so many of these people are real. It is hard for me to believe that there are so many people in this world that lack scruples and compassion for others--Nutless and his A-hole-witch, Chinless & Trampire, Blue's Clues & his Fleeting-Fling...it is amazing that so many people have no qualms against breaking up a family and marriage.

It almost makes me lose faith in humanity....almost.


----------



## Conrad

jpr,

Have you read Anthony DeMello's "Awareness"?


----------



## jpr

Conrad said:


> jpr,
> 
> Have you read Anthony DeMello's "Awareness"?


I've read parts of it...but, I don't think I subscribe to DeMello's point of view...so, it was tough for me to get through the whole thing. I should try again...even if I don't really agree with all of his perspective, I do find his ideas and thoughts interesting....some of them just sort of make me angry because I can imagine Sasquatch grabbing hold of DeMello's words and using them to justify his choices in life.


----------



## Conrad

jpr said:


> I've read parts of it...but, I don't think I subscribe to DeMello's point of view...so, it was tough for me to get through the whole thing. I should try again...even if I don't really agree with all of his perspective, I do find his ideas and thoughts interesting....some of them just sort of make me angry because I can imagine Sasquatch grabbing hold of DeMello's words and using them to justify his choices in life.


When you speak about "losing faith in humanity", I wonder what it is you see that keeps your faith?

DeMello's main point is that we should not be surprised when someone does something selfish. If we see ourselves clearly, we would realize we do selfish things all the time.

So, "I'm ok you're ok" really isn't it.

"I'm an ass, you're an ass" is much closer to the truth.

Just look at what people are doing to each other.

It's all over this board.


----------



## Matt1720

jpr said:


> some of them just sort of make me angry because I can imagine Sasquatch grabbing hold of DeMello's words and using them to justify his choices in life.


But don't we all (even he) know there's no justifying what he's done? However long he spends reading it will be an obvious waste of time, where maybe you'll get something good out of it.


----------



## jpr

I haven't lost faith in humanity because I know that I am a human being, and I would not do the things that Sasquatch and his Tart did. I can't wrap my brain around it...I still can't understand how they could possibly do that. But, most of all, I can't understand how they are not sorry for what they have done. 

Sure, yes...I make mistakes, and I do selfish things...but the difference is, I would never keep doing it over and over again....especially if I knew how deeply it hurt another human being.

His take on the world just seems so depressing and just so incredibly selfish and isolated. I tend to think that the one of the main purposes of our life here on earth is motivated by the human desire to seek out God (or the equivalent of God--nirvana, enlightenment, etc). C.S. Lewis writes a lot about this. I think we do this by forming human connections...loving one another...serving one another...being a positive force in this world--not to causing hurt and pain. 

I don't believe that most people are asshats. I just don't. I think that most people know right from wrong, and most people have an innate desire to do "good". ...and when we flub up and hurt each other, we want to make amends. We want to make things "right". We desire 'goodness'. 

I am a human being....and I know that if ,in my heart, this is how I feel and what I value, then there have to be other people in this world like me. 

You mentioned that the "ass-like" tendencies of the human race is evident from the postings on this message board. But, on the flip-side, you also see probably the same amount of good and decent people on this board---people who are helping each other (like you), and people who want the best for each other (as you clearly do, Conrad)....people with so much love and compassion for their fellow man. Sometimes it oozes out of the postings. Our hearts break for one another. We all are connected in this life. "Love one another"....there is a LOT of love here. 

For every asshat out there, there is another person who is just trying to live a good life and who wants to make positive difference in this world. For every selfish, unremorseful poop-head, there is another caring, compassionate human being. 

I am just trying to spot and weed out the asshats in my life. We all have poopy tendencies, but not all of us are poopheads. I can forgive and accept the poopy tendencies of others, and I hope that they will do the same with me. But, I have zero tolerance for unremorseful poop-heads at this point.


----------



## Conrad

This has really been a hard week for you.


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## jpr

Conrad said:


> This has really been a hard week for you.


Are you patronizing me?

:scratchhead:


----------



## jpr

Here is the truth...

Yeah. Last week was tough. But, I don't want it to break my spirit. I don't want THIS poopiness to jade me. Sasquatch is a butthead. But, I don't want to hate him. I accept that what he did was pretty poopy, but I don't want to dwell on it and make myself out to be a victim. ...I just want to move on with my life and remain relatively optimistic about my fellow man. 

The truth is that I am struggling with all that right now. 


....and I am also hijacking Angel's thread.  sorry.


----------



## Conrad

jpr said:


> Are you patronizing me?
> 
> :scratchhead:


Just trying not to be an ass.

It's hard work for us asshats.

People do really selfish things without thinking about them-it's because we "naturally" spend so much time in our own heads.

We often do the "right thing" only when left with no alternative.

When I hear the words (in church) "Children of a fallen humanity", it makes perfect sense.

It's the reason why calling someone a baby is not a compliment.

A baby is the most selfish creature on earth. They have to be to survive.

What happened between you and Sasquatch wasn't about you - as difficult as this may be to believe. It likely hearkens back to some deficiency in his relationship with his mother.

He didn't use good boundaries with the tart and he got in way over his head. Even now, you admit he's miserable. Of course he is. He is paying for his immaturity.

I see and hear your pain. I often wonder why you subject yourself to all of it. Hanging with the in-laws. Having him over to mingle with his son in the yard.

This feeds the dreams you had of what it could have been - that turned out to be delusion because of his poor boundaries.

Yet, in several threads, you're routinely distressed when we let our guards down and admit what men really are. Civilizing us - without emasculating us - takes a really good and wise mom.

I wish you weren't hurting like this.

I hope in the future you'll protect yourself better.


----------



## Conrad

jpr said:


> Here is the truth...
> 
> Yeah. Last week was tough. But, I don't want it to break my spirit. I don't want THIS poopiness to jade me. Sasquatch is a butthead. But, I don't want to hate him. I accept that what he did was pretty poopy, but I don't want to dwell on it and make myself out to be a victim. ...I just want to move on with my life and remain relatively optimistic about my fellow man.
> 
> The truth is that I am struggling with all that right now.
> 
> 
> ....and I am also hijacking Angel's thread.  sorry.


I'm sure she'll forgive you.

She likes your emoticons as much as the rest of us.


----------



## angelpixie

Wow, wow, wow!!! So much to catch up on and so much to respond to. 

CM: I started out feeling like you did. I rarely told DS no about anything because I felt guilty. But I've been able to find a good balance. I let him have friends over way more often than his dad does, even tho my house is way smaller and a constant clutter patch due to its size. I've given up on that ego-driven part of me where everything had to be perfect because, what would everyone think of me? More important that DS has friends over. OK. I don't ask him to do much around the house, but what I do ask I insist on. Schoolwork is a must. Luckily, Chinless is totally on board with that way of thinking, tho he has more discipline problems with DS than I do. Things are going great. Your son is older than DS who will be 10 in a few weeks, but I think your son is old enough and has seen enough for you to be a little more honest with him and ask him to take more responsibility for himself and take a little bit off your shoulders. He can do it if he's been a straight A student. He's pushing his boundaries, which kids do, but he does still love you and is worried about hurting you. He's showing you that. That's why I think you can maybe ask him to help the two of you be more of a team together. Not 'man of the house' but more responsible for himself. So far (knock on formica) things between DS and me are the best ever. I really hope it stays that way. Even when I have to discipline him, he will turn it around pretty fast. 
But as with everything else, CM, don't beat yourself up. Being a single parent is hard work and it's all still very new. You're learning things as you go along and you're doing great. This is a temporary setback, I'm sure.


----------



## muskrat

As sad as this is, I am with JPR, I no longer have much faith in humanity either.


----------



## jpr

Conrad said:


> Just trying not to be an ass.
> 
> It's hard work for us asshats.
> 
> People do really selfish things without thinking about them-it's because we "naturally" spend so much time in our own heads.
> 
> We often do the "right thing" only when left with no alternative.
> 
> When I hear the words (in church) "Children of a fallen humanity", it makes perfect sense.
> 
> It's the reason why calling someone a baby is not a compliment.
> 
> A baby is the most selfish creature on earth. They have to be to survive.
> 
> What happened between you and Sasquatch wasn't about you - as difficult as this may be to believe. It likely hearkens back to some deficiency in his relationship with his mother.
> 
> He didn't use good boundaries with the tart and he got in way over his head. Even now, you admit he's miserable. Of course he is. He is paying for his immaturity.
> 
> *I see and hear your pain. I often wonder why you subject yourself to all of it. Hanging with the in-laws. Having him over to mingle with his son in the yard.*
> 
> This feeds the dreams you had of what it could have been - that turned out to be delusion because of his poor boundaries.
> 
> Yet, in several threads, you're routinely distressed when we let our guards down and admit what men really are. Civilizing us - without emasculating us - takes a really good and wise mom.
> 
> I wish you weren't hurting like this.
> 
> I hope in the future you'll protect yourself better.


Sometimes, Conrad, we must choose a path of pain in order to learn, heal, and move forward. Sure, I could have chosen the path of "least-pain" and told my in-laws that I didn't want Sasquatch around. But, I didn't want to. I consciously chose this path, knowing that it would be tough---but, I am glad that I did it. I was avoiding Sasquatch, and, in turn, I was avoiding a lot of my feelings towards him. This last week made me confront a lot of things, and it helped enlighten me. It helped me shattered the last remaining delusions in my brain.

.....maybe it comes off that way....but really I just don't like generalizations. I think you mentioned earlier today that all women like attention. That sort of stuff just irks me...the labels and generalization prevent us from truly seeing each other for who we are. As I re-enter the dating world and social world, I am trying not to judge people too early. I am trying to keep my eyes and ears open, and stay away from labels, generalizations, and stereotypes.


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## Conrad

muskrat said:


> As sad as this is, I am with JPR, I no longer have much faith in humanity either.


Rat.

That means you're with me.

She's keeping her faith


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## angelpixie

JPR -- Don't ever worry about posting in 'my' thread -- we're all in this together, asses or not. 

I have read about 30 pages of De Mello, and it's just not clicking with me. He talks about perfect love, but it all seems so self-centered. Not at all what I think of when I think of perfect love. It comes off very cynical. I'm an ass, you're an ass, and let's all admit we just don't give a sh!t about anyone but ourselves. Once we all become aware of that, and stop deluding ourselves that there is such a thing as loving one another, then we'll all be so much happier. I keep trying to be comforted by what he says, and some of it does make sense, but overall, his conclusion leaves me wondering about the state of a world where we are all like his ideal. It doesn't seem like a world I'd want to be in. It seems very cold, not loving. 

Believe me, I know people are not perfect. I'm the first to admit it about myself. But I aspire to more than being able to be OK with seeing myself and everyone else as an ass or a dictator or whatever term he uses. 

I got the impression he was quite full of himself and liked to hear himself talk.


----------



## Conrad

jpr said:


> Sometimes, Conrad, we must choose a path of pain in order to learn, heal, and move forward. Sure, I could have chosen the path of "least-pain" and told my in-laws that I didn't want Sasquatch around. But, I didn't want to. I consciously chose this path, knowing that it would be tough---but, I am glad that I did it. I was avoiding Sasquatch, and, in turn, I was avoiding a lot of my feelings towards him. This last week made me confront a lot of things, and it helped enlighten me. It helped me shattered the last remaining delusions in my brain.
> 
> .....maybe it comes off that way....but really I just don't like generalizations. I think you mentioned earlier today that all women like attention. That sort of stuff just irks me...the labels and generalization prevent us from truly seeing each other for who we are. As I re-enter the dating world and social world, I am trying not to judge people too early. I am trying to keep my eyes and ears open, and stay away from labels, generalizations, and stereotypes.


We must generalize to process the world.

If we go in with a blank slate, we'll get fooled everytime.

I'd rather be pleasantly surprised.


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## jpr

Sure...but sometimes the generalizations prevent us from seeing reality....and prevent us from learning from each other.

When we generalize so much, we tend to give off a "know-it-all" attitude. 

I would rather remain open as much as possible before I lay judgement on someone else. I like to give people a chance to show me who they really are...what really makes them tick. I like to observe them and listen to their words, rather than pre-judging them and making assumptions about them.


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> JPR -- Don't ever worry about posting in 'my' thread -- we're all in this together, asses or not.
> 
> I have read about 30 pages of De Mello, and it's just not clicking with me. He talks about perfect love, but it all seems so self-centered. Not at all what I think of when I think of perfect love. It comes off very cynical. I'm an ass, you're an ass, and let's all admit we just don't give a sh!t about anyone but ourselves. Once we all become aware of that, and stop deluding ourselves that there is such a thing as loving one another, then we'll all be so much happier. I keep trying to be comforted by what he says, and some of it does make sense, but overall, his conclusion leaves me wondering about the state of a world where we are all like his ideal. It doesn't seem like a world I'd want to be in. It seems very cold, not loving.
> 
> Believe me, I know people are not perfect. I'm the first to admit it about myself. But I aspire to more than being able to be OK with seeing myself and everyone else as an ass or a dictator or whatever term he uses.
> 
> I got the impression he was quite full of himself and liked to hear himself talk.


You said this so much more coherently than me. 

Demello's view of love and humanity is just not the same as mine.


----------



## angelpixie

jpr said:


> Sometimes, Conrad, we must choose a path of pain in order to learn, heal, and move forward. Sure, I could have chosen the path of "least-pain" and told my in-laws that I didn't want Sasquatch around. But, I didn't want to. I consciously chose this path, knowing that it would be tough---but, I am glad that I did it. I was avoiding Sasquatch, and, in turn, I was avoiding a lot of my feelings towards him. This last week made me confront a lot of things, and it helped enlighten me. It helped me shattered the last remaining delusions in my brain.
> 
> .....maybe it comes off that way....but really I just don't like generalizations. I think you mentioned earlier today that all women like attention. That sort of stuff just irks me...the labels and generalization prevent us from truly seeing each other for who we are. As I re-enter the dating world and social world, I am trying not to judge people too early. I am trying to keep my eyes and ears open, and stay away from labels, generalizations, and stereotypes.



I totally agree with this. Last week in group, my IC asked me in front of everyone if I regretted how many months I spent reading, journaling, searching for 'why's' to do with the break-up of my marriage. She expected me to say yes, that I just should have accepted it sooner. I surprised her and said that I didn't. It was painful, yes, but I learned so much about myself that I never would have learned if I'd just 'accepted' it right then. Those things I've learned will help me so much in my future relationships -- with everyone, not just lover(s) -- because I will be different. I have fundamentally changed because of that time I spent. Because of the pain I experienced. I could have just avoided it all, but it wouldn't have produced the results. It has been worth it. She was surprised, but she totally understood that for *me* it was a wise decision. 

We are not all the same. There may be things that happen more often with men than with women, but it doesn't mean *all* men do them. A majority of women may feel a certain way, but not *all *women do. We joke about it, but we are not ro.bots. There are often patterns, but we are all still unique. Some people here have walkaway husbands, some have walkaway wives. They may do some of the exact same things, but if it looks like bad mothering is responsible for the way the men turned out, how do you account for the women? Where does societal influence outside of the family come into play? There have been other times in history when a lot of sons grew up without dads, such as after WWI or WWII. Did that lead to a huge jump in walkaway husbands later on because they were raised by widowed mothers? It would be interesting to investigate that. What effect does absent fathers have on daughters? Does that make them afraid to commit or terrified of being abandoned again? 

Patterns, but we are not all stamped out of a machine, or cut out with a cookie cutter.


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## angelpixie

Well, another strange encounter with STBXH. When we traded DS for the week, he started to clean his stuff out of the nicer car to trade it. I asked what he was doing, and when he offered to keep trading I told him no. He said he knew he owed me time and I just said if I could use it while he was in France we'd call it even. He was very surprised and said of course. 

Another spanner has been thrown into the works of the re-fi. He was told misinformation on the phone by his student loan company, and makes *seven f'ing dollars too much* to qualify for a deferment. And that starts the domino effect: that means he has a large monthly payment (regardless of total amount he owes), and that makes him ineligible to refinance the house at any type of fair price. I suggested he try the loan officer I spoke to, who seemed alittle more creative, or call some of our local non-profits to see if they know of a different bank that may be a little better to work with. Also, I think Fannie Mae bought our refi, which might make him eligible for that government program everyone talks about and which I know no details of. He said he'd start calling around tomorrow. I told him I would help make some calls, but I really shouldn't because though it benefits me, it's his finances now. He was surprised that I even offered, and said he knew it was up to him. He just wanted to keep me up to date and talk things over. Then we said good-bye and I got (gulp) a very warm smile and a _wink_ AND a wave when he drove off. 

I used to get incensed when he referred to me as his ex, since there's nothing legally separating us yet, but tonight when he said it in reference to his conversation with the bank, it didn't bother me at all. But that was before the wink. JUST KIDDING.


----------



## Orpheus

you're almost there AP. I only cringe a little bit in some of these posts.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, O. That's just the support I need to get me to the finish line.


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## Orpheus

just tryin' to push the ole girl a few inches forward. two steps forward and all.

xx


----------



## Conrad

jpr said:


> Sure...but sometimes the generalizations prevent us from seeing reality....and prevent us from learning from each other.
> 
> When we generalize so much, we tend to give off a "know-it-all" attitude.
> 
> I would rather remain open as much as possible before I lay judgement on someone else. I like to give people a chance to show me who they really are...what really makes them tick. I like to observe them and listen to their words, rather than pre-judging them and making assumptions about them.


I'll back off.

No problem.

Hang in there. Good luck to you.


----------



## jpr

Conrad said:


> I'll back off.
> 
> No problem.
> 
> Hang in there. Good luck to you.


Conrad,

No need to back off. I enjoy hearing your point of view and I totally respect it. I guess I just sort of have a "thing" about generalizations. Sasquatch is a psychology professor....even though he is a quantitative psychologist, he likes to diagnose people and make generalizations about them. He assumes he knows what makes people tick without really talking to them. He thinks he knows what is best for everyone. He would do this to me a lot. I used to have to fight to convince him that I had thoughts, feelings, and emotions--it was exhausting. He assumed he knew what was going on in my mind at all times. (in fact, he used to say that all I ever thought about was dogs and sick puppies )... a lot of the time his assumptions were wrong. 

It was exhausting trying to get him to see me for who I was. It was so hard battling those assumptions about human behavior. 

I am in no way comparing you to him. ....I am just explaining my sensitivity towards generalizations.


----------



## Dollystanford

jpr said:


> Conrad,
> 
> No need to back off. I enjoy hearing your point of view and I totally respect it. I guess I just sort of have a "thing" about generalizations. Sasquatch is a psychology professor....even though he is a quantitative psychologist, he likes to diagnose people and make generalizations about them. He assumes he knows what makes people tick without really talking to them. He thinks he knows what is best for everyone. He would do this to me a lot. I used to have to fight to convince him that I had thoughts, feelings, and emotions--it was exhausting. He assumed he knew what was going on in my mind at all times. (in fact, he used to say that all I ever thought about was dogs and sick puppies )... a lot of the time his assumptions were wrong.
> 
> It was exhausting trying to get him to see me for who I was. It was so hard battling those assumptions about human behavior.
> 
> I am in no way comparing you to him. ....I am just explaining my sensitivity towards generalizations.


Some of the oddest people I know are mental health professionals. You know what they say, 'if you're a tree you hide in the woods' 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cantmove

Dollystanford said:


> Some of the oddest people I know are mental health professionals. You know what they say, 'if you're a tree you hide in the woods'
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Every "crazy doctor" I know has their own "crazy doctor".


----------



## Dollystanford

And academics are usually the worst - books aren't people
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford

you know CM, I was reading your post about your son and have to say, it's very easy to be wrapped up in your own feelings about the break up of your marriage. My daughter is 16 and pretty grown up and seemed to be taking it all very well, but she had a huge meltdown the other day and said some things that made me feel really guilty about being so self-absorbed. 

Her grades aren't tanking but there is definitely an effect, not helped by the fact that he's her stepdad anyway and seems to be completely oblivious of the fact that she needs to feel wanted by him. He's seen her a few times in six months, never texts or calls her, seems to have completely detached emotionally. But that's him all over, thinks about no-one but himself and never has. She knows it but doesn't really understand - how could she? 

Shame there's no TAM for kids - she was actually helped most by talking to another girl whose parents were splitting up because she understood but was detached from our situation


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## angelpixie

You know, jpr, what Sasquatch was doing was classic psychological abuse. Discounting your feelings and emotions as you describe them, and convincing you that he knew you better than you did is abusive. Ironic behavior from a mental health professional, but right in line with the rest of the way you describe him. Shows even more how much you've been through, and how good it is that you're not with him anymore. Abusers rarely change. And never do when they totally deny they're the one with a problem. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lifescript

CM, 

My son is only 5 but I've read a lot on this topic. Basically it's advised that we as parents try not to become too permissive with our children or allow them to get away with stuff they wouldn't if both parents were together. We feel guilty for them and the first reaction is to give them what they want so they can be happy. It's not a good idea. They'll develop some bad habits. It's best to keep parenting style the same. 

When I first separated I would buy him pretty much all he asked for. Then I noticed I was trying to compensate and stopped.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Just went to an organizational meeting to volunteer for a local event this weekend. It's sponsored by one of my favorite shops in town, and is something I've always wanted to either go to or participate in. I'll even be able to take DS with me when I have him on Saturday and he can help. It will give me something to do Friday night, and on Saturday early in the morning myself and later on with DS. Yay! Hopefully, it will help me to meet some new people, too. (And we get 'paid' in beer and food. )


----------



## Nsweet

Paid in beer and food?

Are they giving you Nutella?


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## angelpixie

Damn! I forgot to ask! I might have to bring my own. Find someone to share it with.  (when DS isn't there, of course)


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## Nsweet

I'm sure they have food there you can spread it on. Great way to break the ice btw.

If all goes well you can spread it on each other:rofl:


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## cantmove

Lifescript said:


> CM,
> 
> My son is only 5 but I've read a lot on this topic. Basically it's advised that we as parents try not to become too permissive with our children or allow them to get away with stuff they wouldn't if both parents were together. We feel guilty for them and the first reaction is to give them what they want so they can be happy. It's not a good idea. They'll develop some bad habits. It's best to keep parenting style the same.
> 
> When I first separated I would buy him pretty much all he asked for. Then I noticed I was trying to compensate and stopped.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Saw my "crazy doctor" yesterday. We spent a lot of time talking about my son. He said the same thing you did Scrip, which I already knew but it's hard sometimes to do the right thing. It's a guilt thing I guess. 

Dr. Crazy also called bull$hit on me saying it is somehow my fault for being inconsistent. He said son is 12 he needs to take responsibility and I need to let him fail and suffer the consequences if that's what happens. I hope it doesn't come to that. Letting him "sink or swim" will be very difficult for me.


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## angelpixie

Teaching my class in an hour. I feel pretty good about it, but any positive thoughts anyone wants to send my way would be appreciated.


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## angelpixie

Tweed skirt - check
Ruffled blouse - check
Sassy boots - check
Dab of Dior behind each ear, and I'm ready to go.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about, too.


----------



## muskrat

Good luck AP, you will do a great job, I'm sure of it!


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## angelpixie

Whew! :smthumbup: Made it thru all the material, everyone got it, and we had 10 min. to spare.


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## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> Tweed skirt - check
> Ruffled blouse - check
> Sassy boots - check
> Dab of Dior behind each ear, and I'm ready to go.
> 
> Oh, and I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about, too.


pics or it didn't happen! extra credit if there's a ball chair or book involved.


----------



## angelpixie

You're doubting your local librarian?  [raises eyebrow and reaches for heavy book] Come over here and bend over...


----------



## Orpheus

well, it's hardly one of those sassy Matt shots but it'll do. wait... if your feet are on the ball.. what are you sitting on? 

here's something for you, ap:c&h


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> well, it's hardly one of those sassy Matt shots but it'll do. wait... if your feet are on the ball.. what are you sitting on?


I'm sitting on the ball now -- I was just trying to get as many things in that picture as possible.  I realized later I could have put my hand in, too and it would have shown my ruffled cuff. Oh well. 



Orpheus said:


> here's something for you, ap:c&h


That's awesome, lol -- I'll have to show DS.


----------



## angelpixie

I just read Unsure's blog, and I'd have to say that, other than the really stressful delay in getting the house situation settled, my life is better now than before I moved out, too. And most of that is based on intangibles. My standard of living is lower, I have more solo responsibility, and I definitely traded down in terms of where I live and what I drive, but I'm rarely sick compared to back then, I still have a good job, found out that I had more friends than I thought, and I feel better about myself than I ever have. Sad to say, I don't think those good things could have been possible with STBXH. They certainly didn't happen when we were together. 

I'm still fighting depression and exhaustion, but I'm certainly not hopeless about my future, and that feels excellent.

STFC tonight, taking the day off tomorrow to look for and start moving stuff into a storage unit, then I start my volunteer shift on Friday. More volunteering on Saturday, then taking DS to a birthday party on Sunday. The bday boy's mom is a friend of mine, and even tho DS is with STBXH that day, I'm taking him so that she and I can just sit and chat together for a while. Busy, but in a really positive way.


----------



## jpr

Angel, your post and Unsure's warmed my heart tonight...and so did Cantmove's reply to Unsure's post. 

You, Cantmove, and Unsure have just come so far and have just gotten stronger and stronger through this journey. I hate that you all have/had to go to this heartache, but I also don't know what I would have done without you. Seeing you ladies grow stronger and stronger each day helps to give me strength and inspiration to move forward through my own life. 

I know that our hearts still sometimes hurt...but, man-oh-man, we sure have come a long way, baby! 

Hugs all around.


----------



## Orpheus

AP, i'm so glad that i've brought you such good fortune.

This is for you, Angelpants:

i believe in you


----------



## vi_bride04

jpr said:


> Angel, your post and Unsure's warmed my heart tonight...and so did Cantmove's reply to Unsure's post.
> 
> You, Cantmove, and Unsure have just come so far and have just gotten stronger and stronger through this journey. I hate that you all have/had to go to this heartache, but I also don't know what I would have done without you. Seeing you ladies grow stronger and stronger each day helps to give me strength and inspiration to move forward through my own life.
> 
> I know that our hearts still sometimes hurt...but, man-oh-man, we sure have come a long way, baby!
> 
> Hugs all around.


I have to agree 1000% with this post. I do not post on alot of the mentioned members threads, but have seen everyone (including you, jpr) come so far even since just March when I joined. Congrats...it is definately something to acknowledge!!


----------



## angelpixie

Aww hugs back at all of you. I've learned so much from everyone here and felt so much care and love. I don't know what I'd have done without you guys, either. I really mean that. Sometimes the laughs we've shared here have meant more than anything else, because they were so necessary just to keep sane. Jeepers, I feel like we're breaking up or going away to college or something...

Quick, someone do or say something silly or naughty and get us back on track!


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> AP, i'm so glad that i've brought you such good fortune.
> 
> This is for you, Angelpants:
> 
> i believe in you


Thank you, sweetie. I love it.


----------



## unsure78

GROUP HUG  

for naughtiness just go to Bandits Refugee thread....


----------



## angelpixie

I'm noticing a rather discouraging trend lately. Single men with kids? Women's response (in general) Awww, What a good dad. That's so great. Single woman with kids? Men's response (in general) Ewww. Drama. I don't want to deal with drama. Sigh.

I know jpr and unsure have been able to find guys who are interested in them, but they are also younger. Because I was a late bloomer, as it were, in starting my family, I think guys hope any kids I have will be out or nearly out of the house by now. 

I know that I don't want anyone who would be a jerk about DS, and there's no way in hell I'm selling DS out just to get a boyfriend, but jeez, the reaction is so obvious. 

I just continue to see ways that my life is just f'd up. Guys that I like and that I'd have the most in common with won't give me a 2nd (ha, a 1st) look, and the guys that are interested are definitely older than me and not my type. 

From now on, volunteer opportunities will purely be because I like the thing I'm involved with.Period. Not for the reason of meeting new friends, male or female. When I do that, I'm always severely disappointed and depressed. But I do enjoy the experience itself, so from now on, I'll concentrate on that. I think my own expectations and attitudes are part of the problem.


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> .
> From now on, volunteer opportunities will purely be because I like the thing I'm involved with.Period. Not for the reason of meeting new friends, male or female. When I do that, I'm always severely disappointed and depressed. But I do enjoy the experience itself, so from now on, I'll concentrate on that. I think my own expectations and attitudes are part of the problem.


I have been guilty of this. ...at times. You are right. It is much better and so much more fullfilling to volunteer for the experience...not just to "meet" people. Sometimes meeting people and making friends is a nice by-product of the volunteer work. However, more times than not, that just doesn't happen.

I spend a lot of time volunteering for animal rescue organizations. ...most of the people that volunteer for those types of organizations are either female or gay. ...but, through my persistent volunteering, I have made some great friends through those organizations. We have a comraderie, because we are all "animal-lovers"...and it is nice to make friends with people who value the same things in life as you.

....also, my "guy" is really just a friend. Really. ...I sometimes have those same fears as you. I have very limited free time. I basically have 6 child-free nights a month. The FF has the same problem as me. He has about 8 child-free nights a month. It is tough to have a relationship with someone when you have such limited "free time". ...and you just can't rush these things.

You are doing all the right things, Angel. You are putting yourself out there and creating opportunities for yourself. I know it might be frustrating because you are "seeing" the results yet...but, I believe that, when the time is right, you will. You just have to be persistent, and keep taking those risks and keep creating opportunities for yourself. Continue to do things you enjoy...and try not to think about things too much.


----------



## Nsweet

Angel, honey...... Are you even emotionally ready to be seriously dating? Or is this just for fun and joy right now?

So guys aren't paying attention, f*ck 'em. Keep working on yourself and updating your appearance to that of something that makes you feel powerful and sexxxy. Then you won't be a single mom with a kid guys aren't attracted to. You'll be a MILF and damn proud of it. 

Do something you've always wanted to do that wips you into shape and feels exciting. Take a class stripercising or boxing, dust off the treadmill or exercise bike and exercise while watching tv, swim with your son after school and work. Just have fun working off that stress about your POS EX.

You want to really enjoy yourself? Dig out some of your old clothes you haven't worn since before you were married and wear those. You can alter them into creative fashion statements you're proud of or add them to your wardrobe. Take the pic of yourselffrom your pre marriage happy days and put them over the pics of your H. Just leave the old pics in there, it's funnier anyways. Sort of symbolizes your unwillingness to be controlled.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, Crappy Monday, ever'body!

If I play this enough times in succession, maybe it will sink in.


----------



## Conrad

Angel,

Demography is a real bummer.

Yet, this board is literally "littered" with stories of issues with stepchildren and kids are the number one reason for divorces in second marriages.

We realize you are a prize.

Yet, men familiar with how children issues may screw-up relationships takes those bold steps at great risk to himself.

I hear your pain, but I also feel my own

Hang in there.







angelpixie said:


> I'm noticing a rather discouraging trend lately. Single men with kids? Women's response (in general) Awww, What a good dad. That's so great. Single woman with kids? Men's response (in general) Ewww. Drama. I don't want to deal with drama. Sigh.
> 
> I know jpr and unsure have been able to find guys who are interested in them, but they are also younger. Because I was a late bloomer, as it were, in starting my family, I think guys hope any kids I have will be out or nearly out of the house by now.
> 
> I know that I don't want anyone who would be a jerk about DS, and there's no way in hell I'm selling DS out just to get a boyfriend, but jeez, the reaction is so obvious.
> 
> I just continue to see ways that my life is just f'd up. Guys that I like and that I'd have the most in common with won't give me a 2nd (ha, a 1st) look, and the guys that are interested are definitely older than me and not my type.
> 
> From now on, volunteer opportunities will purely be because I like the thing I'm involved with.Period. Not for the reason of meeting new friends, male or female. When I do that, I'm always severely disappointed and depressed. But I do enjoy the experience itself, so from now on, I'll concentrate on that. I think my own expectations and attitudes are part of the problem.


----------



## angelpixie

Update: Storage unit has been acquired and is slowly being filled. Volunteered a total of 10 hours for the building contest and got to play with power tools, drink beer and get a couple free t-shirts. DS had fun, and I got to see some amazing spur-of-the-moment creations. I'd love to get a team together for next year.

Send positive thoughts to Chinless today. I have to give him credit. He really is trying to find alternatives to make the house transfer work. Newest one? Trying to qualify for alternative fha-type financing that could be done with or without the magic letter from the person in charge of his business program. Hang-up there? (and you knew there had to be one, right?) That department's fiscal yr just ended on 9/30 and they won't get 'new' money for two weeks. He's got a meeting this a.m. to see if he can get paperwork started anyway. The manager would have to give special approval and she's on vacation this week. We'd still need to get the house appraised, but that would probably make a standard bank loan take just as long. I know he can see how depressed this is making me. He told me all the things he's been investigating and trying and I really am surprised. Maybe there's still hope that DS and I can be in a different, better place for Christmas. The clock is ticking.

-------------

Nsweet -- thanks for taking the time to write. I'll try not to check off how many of your suggestions I'm already doing, because I'm afraid that will make things seem even worse.  I have no more clothes from pre-marriage days. Purged all of that when I moved out -- except for the first dress STBXH bought for me. Got rid of that later on. I am taking a strip tease fitness class off and on since March. Had a two-month trial membership at our local women's fitness club, but couldn't afford to renew. I just found out that my employer signed a corporate price deal and they're waiving the sign-up fee this month, so I'll be able to sign up again. I liked working on the weight machines. I won't have a lunch hour for working out like I did during the summer, so it will force me out of the house in the evenings, which is also probably good. 

Clothes? Not a problem shaking things up there -- found myself starting to do that when I was still living with him. Clothes have always been a big 'expression' piece for me. Including when my depression with him was at its worst. I see that now. I'm having fun with clothes, wearing sexier things, vintage things, whatever I feel like (within reason -- I can only work with what God gave me, lol). 

As for dating: Just for fun and experience right now. So not ready for a serious relationship. But I do miss the companionship and sharing. Of course, there's a fear that that is gone forever. Nobody knows the future. I have to be OK with it either way, and I'm not there yet. I'm still fighting the idea that there may never be anyone again. Conrad nailed it: Demographics. Odds are not in my favor.

But luckily, my shop has picked back up, and with everything else going on, I'm never lacking for something to keep me busy!

And of course, there's always TAM.


----------



## Conrad

Angel,

Let me offer you something else.

Many men have been ripped to shreds by having "her" kids jammed down their throats in the old, "I'm more important than you game".

There is also much discussion here of the increasing effect of "androgens" on women as estrogen levels start to drop off as they near that nether region known as menopause.

Have you also noticed that as those "androgens" increase their impact on personality that many women also get overtly crabby?

There's a bull market for cheerful fun women in our age bracket. Women that haven't lost their zest for life and/or their ability to play.

My sense from your prose is that you are one of those. Be sure to emphasize that part of your personality every day and many many good things will happen to you going forward.


----------



## angelpixie

Just saw that we're about to tie the record for most days in a row without rain - 42 - set in 1896. Anywhere from a 20-30% chance of rain for the rest of the week, but we've heard that song before.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Just saw that we're about to tie the record for most days in a row without rain - 42 - set in 1896. Anywhere from a 20-30% chance of rain for the rest of the week, but we've heard that song before.


We were in the same boat until the hurricane came up the river.

It's rained every 2-3 days since.


----------



## angelpixie

Just had a wonderful time with DS. A simple discussion of what he did in school today turned into a very silly, very geeky game that occupied us up til the time his dad came. I'm really glad that I get to see him most every day, and compared to a lot of folks on here, raising our son seems to be the one area where we're usually in agreement. I disagree with how much exposure he has to posOW, but I don't have any control over that. Things could be a hell of a lot worse, I know. 

I will take my positives as I find them. 

Off to take some more things to my storage unit, then a lively evening of dinner and more knitting, lol.

Though it will be difficult to top last night: locally-raised organic lamb. Fantastic!


----------



## angelpixie

To the guy who bought something from my shop for his girlfriend, and wrote the sweet note about her --- Awwww!! It's a nice reminder that not everyone is jaded when it comes to love.


----------



## angelpixie

Incredibly productive at work today, even managed to talk down STBXH during a stressful phone call and get us both what we wanted/needed. 

House is another story. Things are falling apart even more. Conceivably, we could be divorced, he could be in the house, and I could be stuck in the rental at year's end, not yet seeing any of the house equity or money for the car. That would mean we don't file joint taxes and he gets the benefit of the interest deduction and I get screwed over. Suddenly, everybody involved at the various offices is saying this process is going to take at least 2 months, which puts us dangerously close to year's end and leaves me no time to get a place of my own. Who knows what would even be on the market then? Probably not the place I've had my eye on. FML. 

We did find out we can do our own appraisal, and there isn't much of a wait for those right now. Yay. I'll probably get 'lucky' and things will magically fall into place while he's in France and won't be here to sign anything. That would totally be my luck. 

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Freaking out does me no good. Neither does giving up. Things suck but they will work out.


----------



## bandit.45

Angel I'm glad you decided not to get rid of your clothing collection. It seems like things are really looking up for you and that makes me happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

Good luck on the appraisal and I hope he can buy that house from you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Thanks sweetie. Suddenly things have picked up, too. 7 packages to mail tomorrow, and another person due to buy something tomorrow, too. Most are small, inexpensive things, but that's a little coming in and less to move, right?

How are you doing? I saw your other thread. That really sucks. I'm sorry.


----------



## bandit.45

Doing fine. But this is your thread darlin. No overlapping. If I was in Montana you would have full use of my truck and flatbed trailer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

A couple of things have happened that have convinced me that I need to leave TAM for a while. 

I'll be back, I'm sure, but I don't know when.


I wish all of you love, peace, happiness, and strength.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jh52

You take good care of yourself and DS.

Talk to you later.


----------



## Dollystanford

shalom, sister


----------



## jpr

I'll miss you, Angel.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Take care of yourself Angel.


----------



## Lifescript

Angel, 

You'll be missed. Take care!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## muskrat

Angel, take care. I wish you good luck in your endevors.
You will be missed!


----------



## bandit.45

Come back soon Angel. I'll miss you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## In_The_Wind

Take Care Angel


----------



## OldGirl

I'll miss you, Angel. Please check back in when you feel up to it.


----------



## unsure78

ill miss you Angel.. i hope you are ok
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## abandonmentissues

I miss you!


----------



## TBT

Gonna miss you angelpixie.


----------



## nice777guy

Take care...


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## Dollystanford

Come back! That's quite long enough away 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cantmove

Dollystanford said:


> Come back! That's quite long enough away
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:iagree:


----------



## Nsweet

I completely understand Angel, 

Take as much time as you need. You willl always be welcome here.


----------



## cantmove

Times up! Come home.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks for the well wishes, everyone. It's so wonderful to know I have so many friends. ((group hug))

Not much to report. STBXH is still trying to get something going with the house. If he'd started working this hard a while back instead of spending so much time with the Trampire before she left, this could have been settled. But I am just moving forward with what is under my control right now.

Took myself for a drive south of here yesterday to get some fresh cider (a favorite indulgence of this time of year), some wonderful veggies from the farmers' market, and a tour of a couple of new-to-me thrift stores. Went to contra last night, which was a bit of a disappointment (way more women than men, and people were just sort of 'off their game' dance-wise), but it was good to see some people i hadn't seen in a while. 

This morning, I got a free bike (condition as yet unknown) and had a nice catch-up chat with a friend that I used to work with. Will make some lovely soup with my veggies and an apple pie for DS for dinner & dessert. 

All in all, a lovely fall day.


----------



## angelpixie

Funny how something as simple as making soup can be such a trigger for so many memories. Sigh. Maybe I haven't done as much cooking since I moved out because it always reminds me of how much things have changed. I used to love to make big pots of soups and stews and roasts and things you just don't make for one, or one and a half (when DS is here -- still doesn't eat that much yet, lol). And doing all of the preparation in my little hovel always reminds me of the really nice kitchen I used to have, with the butcher block I refinished (which I will eventually get back when I get a place with space), nice appliances, and more space than here. And mostly, it was nice to serve a good dinner to a *family* that also happened to like my cooking.


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## TBT

Nice to see you back angel. I make stew and soup all the time,as they are some of my favorite comfort foods.No matter how much I make it never goes to waste!


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, TBT. It's good to be back.


----------



## angelpixie

Just jotting down a few thoughts.

Last night at contra, my friend and I were talking about our particular situations, and without even thinking, I just casually spit out that I thought he and the OW are better suited to each other than he and I were. I was quite surprised inside that I felt so matter-of-fact about it. Not angry or even hurt much. I think it's finally just sinking in that we really are very different people from who we thought we were. That doesn't absolve him of all the EAs & abusive treatment, but it shows me that even therapy to fix those things probably wouldn't have saved our marriage. I didn't want to believe that the changes I saw were real changes and not caused by some stress going on at the time.

Such a sense of regret I feel over not just realizing this and walking away years ago, when my 'adaptation' to his changes started making me feel the beginnings of despair. Giving up having more kids, giving up school (again), giving up myself, and eventually just plain giving up on life (again). I cannot change the past. But my future will not include the same type of mistake. I no longer believe in the permanence of human love relationships, because we change far too much. That is a given. Relationships may last years, they may last weeks. What matters is how we go into them and what our expectations are. We often set ourselves up for the hurt we later feel. But I say this with the full realization that I have not yet met someone who makes me feel the way STBXH once did. Thinking about preparing for the end of a relationship when it is just beginning? I wonder if it's really possible for a human to do that. It seems like it goes against the way we're wired. At least it seems that way because for as long as there have been people, there have been messed-up love relationships. We haven't learned much over thousands of years. We all want to believe our love is 'different,' and the attachment grows, and the heart breaks. 

Rinse and repeat.


----------



## Pinkley933

you are a sweetie!


----------



## TBT

angelpixie said:


> Such a sense of regret I feel over not just realizing this and walking away years ago, when my 'adaptation' to his changes started making me feel the beginnings of despair. Giving up having more kids, giving up school (again), giving up myself, and eventually just plain giving up on life (again). I cannot change the past. But my future will not include the same type of mistake. I no longer believe in the permanence of human love relationships, because we change far too much.


So angel,it's kind of like running the test over and entering a different variable.Put yourself the way you are now back into the same situation from back then.Would you have given up so much? Probably not.What type of effect would your different choices have had on the changes your H was going through? Would he be the same as he is today or would you still be happily married to him? You can't change the past and maybe mistakes were made,but along with all the negatives has come a positive result...how much stronger and self-possessed you've become.Maybe you won't make the same type of mistake again,but like not being able to change the past,we can't predict the future.The thing is now you know what you want,you won't accept anything less and you won't allow your needs to be relegated to second place by any man.Those things alone are going to make you way more discerning in who you choose to be in a relationship with in the future.Anyway have a good night and forgive me if I've prattled on inanely.


----------



## angelpixie

TBT said:


> So angel,it's kind of like running the test over and entering a different variable.Put yourself the way you are now back into the same situation from back then.Would you have given up so much? Probably not.What type of effect would your different choices have had on the changes your H was going through? Would he be the same as he is today or would you still be happily married to him? You can't change the past and maybe mistakes were made,but along with all the negatives has come a positive result...how much stronger and self-possessed you've become.Maybe you won't make the same type of mistake again,but like not being able to change the past,we can't predict the future.The thing is now you know what you want,you won't accept anything less and you won't allow your needs to be relegated to second place by any man.Those things alone are going to make you way more discerning in who you choose to be in a relationship with in the future.Anyway have a good night and forgive me if* I've prattled on inanely*.


That is something you never do!


----------



## unsure78

Angel I think a lot too about the permanence of a love relationship and I think you may be right, there may never be a permanent love relationship ( or at least very few and far between ones that are happy- cause lots of people stay together unhappy). However I think the key is ( and maybe I read this from Mavash somewhere along the way) it too be happy with yourself, not to base the happiness in the relationship but as an addition to your happiness. So that if and when that relationship ends your world doesn't end. 

Im starting to think less in "permanence" myself and try to just enjoy the moment in my relationship... not think about "what if he changes his mind about me?" Because I know I will be ok with or without him, and I can say that even though I have real feelings for the engineer. The engineer might break my heart ( or I may break his  ) but to me the risk is worth it for what im living and feeling right now. 

Sorry Angel I think i went on a tangent... I think our biggest challenge is not becoming codependent in the next relationship so that if and when it ends it will not be as devastating to us.


----------



## angelpixie

No worries, Unsure. I think you're absolutely right. It will be difficult to reach that place of non-attachment/love when we've come out of co-dependent relationships (In my case, not just with STBXH, but also a very enmeshed one with my mom). I know that the first helped me to get into the later one. I hope I have learned enough. It's still scary to me though. I don't want to go through this again for anything. I truly would rather be alone.


----------



## unsure78

Really Angel you would rather be alone than take the risk? I guess I haven't carried the fear/hurt with me that much... I just think of it as just because blues clues did this to me it doesn't mean that the next guy will. You have sooo much to offer someone Angel, you are truly great person, as evident by when you leave TAM for a week and EVERYONE missed you. I dont know I think you might change your mind if you meet the right guy, as jpr says we just have to be better "pickers" this time.

Though that being said I will *never* be so codependent in a relationship again that I will hurt like I did with the ex...


----------



## angelpixie

We talked a little about this in our DV support group last week. It seems that no matter how much you change, there comes a time in a relationship where you have to talk about your past. A big test of a relationship is how well the new person responds to hearing about that. Do they continue to see the way we are now, or do they start to judge based on the past? Like, judging someone for staying in a bad situation for so long, etc., instead of looking at the fact that we DID get out of them, and are continuing to grow and make changes to get healthier. It's a huge risk. It's not just trusting myself to do a better job of picking this time, it's being able to trust someone else again. I keep getting burned and each time it gets harder, know what I mean?


----------



## abandonmentissues

I know how you feel ^^


----------



## angelpixie

OMG work is a killer today. Had to rush process 6 films, which I did, but now I have to work on my class. I've done absolutely everything else and now I can't put off watching the videos of doom. And by doom, I mean killer sleepiness. None of us can handle this guys voice anymore!

I think I may bring some knitting tomorrow to occupy part of my brain so that the other can concentrate on him. Wonder what my supervisor will think of that.


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> We talked a little about this in our DV support group last week. It seems that no matter how much you change, there comes a time in a relationship where you have to talk about your past. A big test of a relationship is how well the new person responds to hearing about that. Do they continue to see the way we are now, or do they start to judge based on the past? Like, judging someone for staying in a bad situation for so long, etc., instead of looking at the fact that we DID get out of them, and are continuing to grow and make changes to get healthier. It's a huge risk. It's not just trusting myself to do a better job of picking this time, it's being able to trust someone else again. I keep getting burned and each time it gets harder, know what I mean?


I think about this stuff all the time. Will I ever trust again? Who knows? I know that I will love again. I may marry again. I know that I will not let what has happened to me keep me from being open to the possibility. 

He stole so much from me. Trust, security, safety, passion, 22 yrs. of my life in a fake marriage. Heck, I may have more reason than most to be jaded. He lived a double life and cheated for 13 yrs. But, I don't know, if I become jaded like so many here on Tam, hasn't he stolen my hope and faith too. He is one man who is broken. How can we let their brokeness ruin our futures? I, we deserve the shot at happiness.

I believe with my whole heart that there are wonderful men out there that are honest and trustworthy. We just have to be willing to take the chance. Look at some of the men here. They're awesome.


----------



## vi_bride04

cantmove said:


> I think about this stuff all the time. Will I ever trust again? Who knows? I know that I will love again. I may marry again. I know that I will not let what has happened to me keep me from being open to the possibility.
> 
> He stole so much from me. Trust, security, safety, passion, 22 yrs. of my life in a fake marriage. Heck, I may have more reason than most to be jaded. He lived a double life and cheated for 13 yrs. But, I don't know, if I become jaded like so many here on Tam, hasn't he stolen my hope and faith too. He is one man who is broken. How can we let their brokeness ruin our futures? I, we deserve the shot at happiness.
> 
> I believe with my whole heart that there are wonderful men out there that are honest and trustworthy. We just have to be willing to take the chance. Look at some of the men here. They're awesome.


Here, here!!! Well said. I know I'm not going to let my failed marriage stop my trust in men. I will find love again and I will find a good guy. I have learned so much and, like you, refuse to become jaded. 

And yes, the men of TAM are amazing. If there are this many good guys just on this forum, that has to be an indication that they're are some really, really good guys out there in the world. Can't wait to find mine


----------



## unsure78

Well said Cant and vi


----------



## SCondeck

Any of you ladies busy around. . .next septemberish? Haha


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## angelpixie

Judging by last September and this September, no.


----------



## vi_bride04

Who knows what next Sept will bring!! That's a year away. And so much changes in a year...

In Feb 2012 I went to Hawaii with STBXH...in Feb 2013 I will be going to Cancun as a single person...

Yes, alot changes in a year....


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## angelpixie

I know. I'm just being sarcastic.


----------



## spun

vi_bride04 said:


> Who knows what next Sept will bring!! That's a year away. And so much changes in a year...
> 
> In Feb 2012 I went to Hawaii with STBXH...in Feb 2013 I will be going to Cancun as a single person...
> 
> Yes, alot changes in a year....


So true. Was in Spain in Sept. She was still very sweet and in love with us then. Come April she had already been involved with OM for 3 months and I was moving into a place of my own.

Maybe by this time next year I will have met someone with the same character as all these fine ladies here on TAM!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dedicated2Her

I can tell you there are some really awesome people out there. I actually met someone and we have been talking for a few months. Amazing girl, but I'm not ready to let the guard down yet. 

Honor, commitment, openmindedness, communicative------these are the things I look for now, not outward beauty.


----------



## angelpixie

So here's the deal STBXH and I were discussing last night. He can refinance the house at 85% based on an appraised value that I think is too low. Our real estate market never crashed as badly as the rest of the country, and prices have been slowly rising again. When we re-fi'd nearly two years ago, it matched the listing prices for the same model house in our development. So I would expect the same now, and I know the listing prices have gone up because I've been watching them. I would expect the appraisal to be higher now than nearly two years ago. The banks are telling him it will be lower. Of course that is what determines the amount of equity we have, which, divided in half, is all I walk away with from the house. 

He suddenly tells me that he wants to sell the house in 2-3 years. That it really doesn't work for him, but he needed a place in order to qualify for this gov't program for business. He wants to make a deal. If the house value is higher when he sells, he will split part of that equity with me, and if it sells for less than we re-fi now, I will owe him the difference. He thinks he comes out on the short end if we re-fi now. He was totally in victim mode. Example: I am lucky that I get the 15-year old jalopy vs him having the still very nice '05 because he has payments and I don't. That car works for his business, but my car doesn't work for mine. No matter.

He has also been told that I should pay half of the taxes on my retirement that I *have* to give him, because that's the only way he can get the money he owes me for the nicer car and to repay my inheritance that was used as a down-payment and the student loans I jointly paid since I moved out (don't ask why I did it -- we worked it out ahead of time). Either he cashes it out, or he has to get a cash advance on a credit card (with interest rates similar to the tax rate). And he doesn't have one anymore. So why should I pay half those taxes? He has agreed to do it himself, thankfully.

Adding that up, it's not at much as I'd hoped for, but it's better than a poke in the eye. Hopefully, I can still swing a down payment and closing costs out of it. I may have to borrow from my dad if it's not enough. But I'd rather owe him than Chinless. 

I would forego the possibility of getting more money when he sells the house if I could also avoid the risk of paying him. And he would want it all at once. I don't make that kind of money that I"d be able to just cough up even a few thousand dollars. I don't want to have to worry about how he's keeping up his house to make sure the value doesn't plummet, guaranteeing that I'd owe him. I just don't want to have that stress with him anymore, once the D is over. I want to only contact him regarding DS. 

He has this totally unrealistic view of our relationship. He doesn't even think we need to put this all in writing. I would want something legal that automatically forces someone to cut me a check so I don't have to chase him down (If such an instrument exists). He thinks we can just shake hands and that's good enough. Well, yeah, I keep my word, but he gets totally aghast if I suggest he won't keep his. Um, right.

He's seeing one last place today to see if he qualifies for a rural development loan, which would allow him to borrow up to 90% rather than just 85%. I don't know how much that helps, but it will give us just one more option. 

And another thing. He knows I appreciate all the work and calling and appointments he's been doing in the last few weeks, so he doesn't want to hear how (if we'd had to put the house on the market) this is the wrong time to sell a house and that we should have done it sooner. He did the best he could. Any delays in getting information were because we were waiting for other people or trying to decide if I would refi or him. No, the house wasn't ready last March per our agreement, and the idea of my refinancing was because of my frustration at his inaction, then after he decided to keep the house, his inaction on figuring out what to do with it. All precipitated by his spending all of his waking and sleeping hours with the Trampire. It's amazing how much he's been able to get done now that she's gone. It has nothing to do with me, and he still won't take any responsibility for anything. 

I just want him to agree to what the bank will give him now, and let the future go. I have to figure out how to convince him that this is good for him, when he thinks he's losing out and I'm winning. Funny that I don't feel that way. 

That's why I got so angry when I went home last night and my place was freezing. To hear him feeling sorry for himself, sitting in a toasty warm place that's twice the size of my place, and it's his, not a rental. And he knows I want a better place for _our_ son to live in when he's with me, not just some crappy thing that's all I can afford. We still have a house to refinance because of me, not him.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> He has this totally unrealistic view of our relationship. He doesn't even think we need to put this all in writing. I would want something legal that automatically forces someone to cut me a check so I don't have to chase him down (If such an instrument exists). He thinks we can just shake hands and that's good enough. Well, yeah, I keep my word, but he gets totally aghast if I suggest he won't keep his. Um, right.


WTF!!!! Why do they think it doesn't need to be put in writing???????? :scratchhead: I do not understand this mentality. My STBXH said the same exact thing to me 2 weeks ago when I talked to him about getting an agreement drawn up. He said we are fine "b/c I am living in the house and making the payments". Ummmm, ok, what happens when you STOP making the payments? Oh, my credit gets ruined too? Yay.

Our house is underwater. I'm the primary borrower. He is a co-signer. He can't refinance at this time. We agreed on a 5yr time frame to refinance or assume the mortgage. 5yrs just b/c thats how long we lived in the house together as husband and wife. And the market is not doing so hot where we live...so hopefully in 5yrs things will bounce back a little and he can get my fricken name off the house note...

Anyways, he is so unwilling to draw anything up that gives him any consequences if he misses a payment. Convenient, huh? 
Oh but why need an agreement? Ya know, since he is so trustworthy. He is also playing the victim game - "I have no one to rely on", "I have alot of bills too", "You make more money than me"....blah blah blah blah blah let me give you some cheese with that whine you selfish a-hole. 

Well since he has been so unwilling to help out (at least your STBXH is doing things to TRY to work it out with you) I went to the lawyer and will be drafting quite a nice Judgement of Divorce that will help protect me. He won't like it, but ya know what, I Don't care. I have been playing nice and left the house and so many material possessions its ridiculous. I took most of the debt too. 

I don't understand why these men think like this. They live the life of no consequences and when someone tries to get them to play fair all hell breaks loose....and its just trying to play fair. It's not like you or me or a few other women on this board are going after them cuthroat style trying to take them for everything. We just want it over with so we can move on. And they dont' want to seem to let us....

I will be tied to STBX for another 5yrs. And yours wants another 2-3 to figure out the house stuff. WTF is all I got to say. They cheated, wanted nothing to do with us but yet want to keep us in their pocket. Maybe its just some sort of sick control game for them....


----------



## Dedicated2Her

> I will be tied to STBX for another 5yrs. And yours wants another 2-3 to figure out the house stuff. WTF is all I got to say. They cheated, wanted nothing to do with us but yet want to keep us in their pocket. Maybe its just some sort of sick control game for them....


Try being divorced to a stay at home mom and being stuck on the note because she doesn't have a job. Life is crazy.


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## Conrad

Dedicated2Her said:


> Try being divorced to a stay at home mom and being stuck on the note because she doesn't have a job. Life is crazy.


She STILL doesn't?

WTF?


----------



## angelpixie

OK, so the rural development loan won't work because he wants to use more than 15% of the house for his business. So we're left with the bank refi. 

We could also sell, and we talked about that as the one and only way for both of us to know we're getting half of the equity right now (rather than after he sells, years from now). But who knows how long it could take to sell the house? It would have been so much better if we'd had it on the market last March as we'd agreed to. Another time when I knew what I was talking about, was told I was stupid and emotional and making too big of a deal out of everything, and yet turned out not so stupid after all. The house would either be sold by now, or we'd still have the option of re-fi'ing left to try. That's why I want to be done having my finances tied to this man. He is clueless, and yet very absolute in his belief that he know what's going on. 

I want to fly or fall on my own.


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## TBT

angelpixie said:


> I want to fly or fall on my own.


ANNE MURRAY FLYING ON YOUR OWN MUSIC VIDEO 1988 - YouTube

You're well on your way angel.


----------



## cantmove

Whatever you guys decide, don't you dare let him get away with not having things in writing. I don't care if he is your sons father. He eff'd you over before, he could do it again. Do not trust him.

Even when I know it isn't true, I think everything nutless says is a lie. That way I'm not disappointed.


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## angelpixie

Oh believe me, I will get it in writing. It's not just how he is; it's how easily he gets influenced by others. Who knows what will be going on in his life 2 or 3 years down the road? 

I had a really good phone conversation with my dad today, and he gave me some good suggestions on things to check on before I make my decision -- ways to find information independently of what STBXH is being told by the bank. I've already left some voicemails and hopefully I'll start getting call-backs tomorrow. I know I don't have much time though. He leaves for Europe in 15 days, and won't be reachable for signing papers or anything for two weeks after that. That takes us thru the first week of November.


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## unsure78

cantmove said:


> Even when I know it isn't true, I think everything nutless says is a lie. That way I'm not disappointed.


Ha I still do that.. I assume everything that comes out of blues clues mouth is a lie.. its just easier that way.


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## angelpixie

Just spoke to the main person I wanted to talk to about STBXH's plan. He openly laughed at it, so I guess I'm not far off in how I feel. He confirmed what I thought: that our market has been slowly improving, and there's really no reason for STBXH to think he'll be taking a loss if he sells in a couple of years.

I'm trying to run the numbers, but I don't know the total amount Chinless would owe the bank in two or three years. That would come out of the sale price first, then the equity he actually got by himself, then he'd divide the remainder in half. I wish I had a better idea of what that would be. I am trying to be smart with my investment in this house. I do not make a lot of money at my job, and I don't see any large raises in my future, especially depending on who becomes our next governor (maybe no raises or a pay cut, if one candidate gets his way). It would be great to get more, but I won't be able to afford the risk of paying. I also want to know if the amount I stand to gain is so small as to be not worth the stress to get it. I just wish I knew what to do.

I don't want the money to run my life, but for my son's sake, I want to be wise.


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## Conrad

Angel,

Are you in the US or Canada?


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## vi_bride04

Will the bank be willing to do an assumption? Not sure what the situation is with your house..if the mortgage is underwater or not (sounds like there is equity). But I know my lender (BofA) does do assumptions and it is easier to qualify for those vs. a traditional refinance. Also the government programs out there right now are amazing if Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac own your loan.


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## angelpixie

I'm in the U.S. 

Fannie didn't buy our mortgage til we re-fi'd in beginning of 2011. We don't qualify for the best of the programs. Our mortgage isn't assumable (we got it through a local bank), so our only choices are re-fi or sell. 

Just got off the phone with him. Thank goodness I attempted to buy the place a few months ago. I could prove to him that I was in the same situation, and that I planned to give him his full equity share, and NOT ask him to pay 50% of closing costs, and not make him pay me back if my gamble didn't pay off (that didn't even cross my mind). 

He has now agreed that, still based on the appraised value, he will just give me my due straight up, and he will keep whatever happens when he sells the place for himself. I found out he'd also wanted me to cover half of the 3% he'd have had to pay a buyer's agent when he sells! I asked just how far in the future I would be on the hook for that - 2 years, 3 years, 5 years? Same with the equity 'payback.' I told him I'd already probably lost out on the chance at a home interest deduction this year because this has taken so long, while he will still get one. I am tired and frustrated, and I want ties between the two of us to be done when the divorce is done. I don't want to worry about the condition of my 'investment' and have no power to make sure he's taking care of it. 

He just keeps trying to say he only tries to do what's the best for me and gets me the best deal, contrary to what's been suggested to him. Of course, he's being such a peach. 

I should feel relieved, but I don't. 

But at least he's getting the appraiser ordered. He will come while STBXH is in France, I'm sure. Then the next step will be to see what value we get. Hopefully, he gets that damned letter from his program soon, too. It should have come in September. That will allow him a higher borrowing limit, which will help if the appraisal comes back higher than it did 2 years ago. 

I'm just drained after talking to him. He says one thing, I react to it, then he says he never said it and tells me I shouldn't be reacting the way I am. I know what he says and does. I've taken to writing everything down as he says it.


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## angelpixie

In the end, it's not the money. It's the family. And it is no more.

He called tonight and wanted to talk about plans for Thanksgiving. He has DS again this year (just the way the calendar works out, since the date changes each year). He asked if I wanted to see DS. Duh?! Then he started to tell me that he was making a dinner, and I almost thought he was inviting me again so that I could see DS (we ended up eating together last year), but instead was telling me that he was having a big dinner for a bunch of _other_ people and DS, and I"d have to work around them. I told him my plan was to volunteer at a place giving away dinners, and they usually go early in the day. He's serving a late dinner, so I either see DS before I volunteer (early in the a.m.) or after 9 p.m. Really?! He's going to be serving dinner for 6 solid hours after my volunteer shift is done?? 

The Pièce de résistance? After discussing it for a few minutes and me just figuring that I'll squeeze myself in somewhere to see him for at least a few minutes, STBXH started to say "I'm sorry..." as in "I'm sorry we're having a difficult time working this out," but stopped, chuckled, and said really arrogantly "No, I'm _not_ sorry." I was speechless. Even my total silence didn't give him a clue to what he must have sounded like. He just cheerfully told me some other things he wanted me to do to contact the friend he'd wanted to watch DS while he's in France, and said goodbye. He's also really pushing me to ask her to watch DS some times while he's gone. He's MY son, and it's not a burden to see him and have him with me for an extra week. It will end up being 3 straight because when STBXH comes back, it's my week again, but I'm also not rearranging my entire weekly schedule so that he gets DS when he comes back. I've arranged my life based on that schedule, including buying memberships to groups and everything.

But as I said, in the end, he knows he got to rip up the holidays for me permanently. They will never be the way I used to do them, baking and cooking and decorating for my family. In that, he knows he's won. And he's making the most of it this year, with posOW and all of their friends. 

I had hoped these holidays would be less painful than last year, since they were the first with us living separately. But it doesn't look good. First Thanksgiving. And the divorce will probably be final right around Christmas. FML.


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## angelpixie

I guess I can comfort myself that I'm no longer living with someone who would be that way to another person, who would think of this as a victory. 

I just can't feel that way. I don't want to hold grudges. I hate it. But I can't allow myself to be treated badly, either. So for now. being alone is the better choice, I guess.


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## abandonmentissues

I would've f*ckin' went off when he started chuckling and told me he really wasnt sorry. How disrespectful and uncaring. But that's just me. I really don't know how we ended up marrying such total pieces of sh!t.


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## cantmove

I'm sorry Angel. May I say, that I really dislike chinless right now. They (our stbx's) are so full of themselves. It makes me I'll sometimes. 

Just out of curiosity, why should he get your son because the calendar falls that way? Most people rotate holidays with their children regardless of the calendar. If he had him last year you should have him this year. 

This just sucks. The whole [email protected] thing. We didn't choose this but we're forced to give up our children because of their decisions. This will be my first holiday season apart. Not looking forward to it.


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## angelpixie

We decided that, especially for holidays like Thanksgiving or Halloweeen that really are just one day, we would try to share them -- both see DS on that day. We even did it for things like our own birthdays, Valentine's, St. Pat's -- anything that we would celebrate that was important to us or DS. It worked out OK, but that was all before posOW. I guess I could forego doing volunteering in order to fit in my visit before his dinner, but then what do I do with the rest of the day alone. I will already have that night to myself when I know they're all eating and celebrating in a warm house. That will be hard enough. I don't have any family here. I'll probably just go to bed. At least on Black Friday I always go shopping for the family we adopt at work. That's something I've been involved with for several years and I really enjoy that. If I have things to do and reasons to reach out, that will help a lot. That's why I don't want to give up the volunteer time during the day.


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## Nsweet

You see?
The OW is already starting to control your stbxh and making things more stressful for him. She's jealous of you both spending a lot of time together so she's doing whatever she can to separate him from you. I would recommend you ask him why she's trying to keep you two from having a friendly visit together during those two holidays..... you know for the sake of your son. Tell him how he knows she has nothing to worry about, so this doesn't make sense. 

Put the posOW on trial and make her tell him why she's acting this way and your son can't have a family moment together with his parents. It may not get you the result you're looking for but it may just be the first in a long lline of WTF moments for him. So long as you keeg acting happy with whatever and agree to what Chinless wants..... soon enough he'll get sick of her always making the decisions and THINK FOR HIMSELF.

Let me kow how this works out.:smthumbup:


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## unsure78

wow angel chinless really laughed and said he wasnt sorry... omg what and a$$, that just makes me so mad! how did you keep your composure?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

I was just so stunned that I didn't know what to say. I was getting more sad about not seeing DS and not having a holiday that the crappiness of his comment was just a jolt.

Another reminder that he really was a jerk when we lived together. I'm not changing history.


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## In_The_Wind

Angel I figure she is trying to find a way to have a baby chinless that way she can control him better hopefully when this happens he will relinquish DS somewhat for you. Oh and by the way I cant stand chinless my new name for him is balless. His remark to you the other day was shocking I was like i hope she takes him for all he has any way good day AP


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> In the end, it's not the money. It's the family. And it is no more.
> 
> The Pièce de résistance? After discussing it for a few minutes and me just figuring that I'll squeeze myself in somewhere to see him for at least a few minutes, STBXH started to say "I'm sorry..." as in "I'm sorry we're having a difficult time working this out," but stopped, chuckled, and said really arrogantly "No, I'm _not_ sorry." I was speechless. Even my total silence didn't give him a clue to what he must have sounded like. He just cheerfully told me some other things he wanted me to do to contact the friend he'd wanted to watch DS while he's in France, and said goodbye. He's also really pushing me to ask her to watch DS some times while he's gone. He's MY son, and it's not a burden to see him and have him with me for an extra week. It will end up being 3 straight because when STBXH comes back, it's my week again, but I'm also not rearranging my entire weekly schedule so that he gets DS when he comes back. I've arranged my life based on that schedule, including buying memberships to groups and everything.
> 
> But as I said, in the end, he knows he got to rip up the holidays for me permanently. They will never be the way I used to do them, baking and cooking and decorating for my family. In that, he knows he's won. And he's making the most of it this year, with posOW and all of their friends.


 I hate this guy. ITW is right, 'chinless' is too kind a name for him.


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## unsure78

Ill make you a deal Angel, i will fly out by you and kick chinless in the balls, and you fly out here by me and kick blues clues in the balls
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04

unsure78 said:


> Ill make you a deal Angel, i will fly out by you and kick chinless in the balls, and you fly out here by me and kick blues clues in the balls
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Teamwork! I like it! :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

We'd have to find their balls, first, but after that, you've got a deal!


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## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> We'd have to find their balls, first, but after that, you've got a deal!


Ha! good point
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr

Wow, Angel. What a poop!

Unbelievable! ...he's not sorry?!?! Well, he should be.  ....and he should be apologizing to his son for what he is doing. Your son is the one who really misses out. Does your son want to hang out with Chinless and his self-important hipster friends? ...I am sure, if he had a choice, that your son would prefer to spend the holiday with his parents. 

What a jerk!! grrr. 

You are just sooooo much better than little turd, Angel. ....sooo high above him.


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## angelpixie

He picked a bank. He's been approved. They order the appraisal tomorrow morning. Wheels are in motion.

:woohoo::woohoo:

Tomorrow I call my lawyer, and I will spend tomorrow night working on the last of the D papers so we'll be ready to file. Hopefully next week. Just before he leaves for France. 

Had an excellent group session this afternoon, and tonight's STFC. Things are looking up.


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## unsure78

yea! yea! im so happy for you angel... do you feel some relief?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Yes! It's so good to know things are finally moving...at glacial speed, but they are finally moving. We still don't know how long it will take for the appraiser to actually come out, so that will partially determine how long the whole process takes, but at least we're not waiting anymore.


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## [email protected]

Nice to see things are moving along for you Angel x you deserve every happiness that comes your way xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Thanks, SO -- how are things with you?


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## unsure78

hi 40! you get stbx out of the house yet?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## [email protected]

It's Absolute purgatory Angel... Stuck in a limbo till the house sells.. I dream of getting in my car with my dd on a daily basis & just running away from it all.. But I'm just not that person.. 

I'm bored of myself now.. Wanna slap myself & tell myself to snap out if it & just get over myself... I'm sure everybody I know is equally as fed up with the drama as I am..

My dd is good though so I'm thankful for that xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## [email protected]

unsure78 said:


> hi 40! you get stbx out of the house yet?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope.. He's Lost the plot completely.. Talking to mutual friends about having another baby together... All his friends are oblivious to what is going on.. His family know but are pretending it's nor happening, hoping it will go away if they ignore it long enough.. It's exhausting..

I'm at the end of my rope, I really am.. I can feel the cracks in my sanity starting to appear.. I feel helpless to stop what is coming...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78

omg 40 he is insane... wtf is wrong with him? well i offered to kick chinless in the balls today, so i extend my offer to you as well, im more than happy to fly there and kick him square in the junk
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Oh, SO I'm so sorry to hear things haven't gotten better. He is such a monster, and I can't believe other people still won't admit it! I hope he doesn't try anything with you. I know you stay away from him as much as possible, but document *everything*. It will be useful someday, when you're able to sell the house and get the D finalized. 

You are definitely in my thoughts, sweetie. XO Vent on here whenever you want to -- we all care about you. ((hugs))


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## bandit.45

I'd go over and croak that POS if I could.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford

Glad that things are looking up for you angelface 

SO, yours is definitely the worst of a bad bunch, he's mentally ill. I can't imagine what torture it is. If you do need to just get away even for a bit come to London town, there's a room and a bottle of ice cold vodka with your name on it x


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## vi_bride04

Dollystanford said:


> Glad that things are looking up for you angelface
> 
> SO, yours is definitely the worst of a bad bunch, he's mentally ill. I can't imagine what torture it is. If you do need to just get away even for a bit come to London town, there's a room and a bottle of ice cold vodka with your name on it x


Same here, SO...if you like Michigan 

What you are dealing worth is beyond comprehension....


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## angelpixie

The 'good' car has crapped out on Chinless. He's without wheels til Monday or Tuesday. Cooling system, but that's all I know. OK, how much help do I offer, if any? He's got DS now (except for tomorrow). I suppose I should let him either ask his friends (who usually turn him down every time he asks for help) or take the bus (which has a really inconvenient schedule and only runs part of the day M-F). I'm trying to think how he'd act in the opposite situation.


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## vi_bride04

Umm yes, you don't need to do anything for him. 

He's a big boy, he can figure it out for himself...


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## OldGirl

I vote for letting him take the bus.


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## Dollystanford

who cares what he'd do in the opposite situation - what you should do is offer no help whatsoever! He needs to grow a pair of balls and deal with his own sh*t

he's f*cked your holiday and isn't even sorry about it - screw him


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## bandit.45

Don't do a damn thing for that gutless turd. 

Time for him to act like a man and quit depending on you whenever the chips are down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## In_The_Wind

angelpixie said:


> The 'good' car has crapped out on Chinless. He's without wheels til Monday or Tuesday. Cooling system, but that's all I know. OK, how much help do I offer, if any? He's got DS now (except for tomorrow). I suppose I should let him either ask his friends (who usually turn him down every time he asks for help) or take the bus (which has a really inconvenient schedule and only runs part of the day M-F). I'm trying to think how he'd act in the opposite situation.


The only thing i would offer is to pick up DS, as far as nutless is concerned to hell with him whats funny is that he still has to make payments on the "good car" plus pay for the repairs which probably are not cheap the karma bus is rolling rolling rolling his way i might say


----------



## Matt1720

he was far too lesbian for the good car to handle

not that there's anything wrong with lesbians...


----------



## angelpixie

All I've offered so far (since he specifically asked) is to bring DS out to his place. He hasn't asked for anything else, but we've got a weekend ahead of us. I was just trying to plan ahead. I hope this doesn't delay things with the bank and the house. *That* will piss me off!


----------



## In_The_Wind

angelpixie said:


> All I've offered so far (since he specifically asked) is to bring DS out to his place. He hasn't asked for anything else, but we've got a weekend ahead of us. I was just trying to plan ahead. I hope this doesn't delay things with the bank and the house. *That* will piss me off!


it shouldnt trampola is probably making him move quickly on that as she is nesting


----------



## angelpixie

No, ITW, she's in France preparing for Chinless' imminent arrival. Which just reminded me. I get to use the better car while he's gone to make up for the time I didn't get it recently when I was still part-owner. Good thing the cooling system went now rather than when I was driving it. Of course, I'd be able to switch to my old car instead. 

Chinless has told me that the Trampire neither wants children nor to be a stepmom to DS. And since Chinless saw more children as further impediment to his brilliant academic career (gag) they will be happily focused only on each other (gag some more) ... until they get tired of each other and move on to the next people. 
*If* they are still together when she returns in May, she will have no place to live. I would be shocked if she didn't move in with Chinless at that point. He has a 3 BR house, he's already storing all of her stuff, and she's going to go pay rent somewhere? I doubt it. She's a user just like he is.


----------



## angelpixie

I hate being told to keep my mouth shut and pretend I like something when I don't.


----------



## bandit.45

Let em move in together. They can hang upside down in the same closet until they get sick of feeding off each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Wow, that's quite an image.


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> I hate being told to keep my mouth shut and pretend I like something when I don't.


just out of interest, what would your supervisor have done if you had said something?

I can't even change someone's office chair without getting the union involved ha ha


----------



## angelpixie

I don't know. She can be back-handedly vindictive. I get to work part of my day from home so that I don't have to pay for child care for DS before and after school. She could suddenly decide that no longer 'works for the department' and not renew that contract. Would be devastating financially. I'm too chicken sh*t to risk it.


----------



## In_The_Wind

angelpixie said:


> No, ITW, she's in France preparing for Chinless' imminent arrival. Which just reminded me. I get to use the better car while he's gone to make up for the time I didn't get it recently when I was still part-owner. Good thing the cooling system went now rather than when I was driving it. Of course, I'd be able to switch to my old car instead.
> 
> Chinless has told me that the Trampire neither wants children nor to be a stepmom to DS. And since Chinless saw more children as further impediment to his brilliant academic career (gag) they will be happily focused only on each other (gag some more) ... until they get tired of each other and move on to the next people.
> *If* they are still together when she returns in May, she will have no place to live. I would be shocked if she didn't move in with Chinless at that point. He has a 3 BR house, he's already storing all of her stuff, and she's going to go pay rent somewhere? I doubt it. She's a user just like he is.


bonjour nutless vous êtes un twit = hello nutless you are such a twit


----------



## angelpixie

It's a big bill -- needs a new radiator. Really glad we're not splitting this one! 

Going to spend my evening finishing up D papers and making lamb stock. Got a bunch of soup bones just now, and I have some stock-making veg I have to use up. Yum. I use a variation of Anthony Bourdain's recipe for dark stock from his Les Halles cookbook (memorized from STBXH's copy). The additional step of roasting the bones, coated with tomato paste and a little flour, is totally worth it. 

Making a pork roast in the crock pot tomorrow, then I'll use the leftovers to make borscht. Also picked up a couple different types of squash. I'll have to miniaturize my recipe for butternut squash lasagna. Going to be several yummy days ahead!! I love fall. 

And I have the work order in to get my heat turned on. Hopefully Monday, just in time for the temps to drop badly.


----------



## SCondeck

I'm really glad you're starting to have a more positive outlook! Things will continue to look up for you and it seems like things aren't looking so good for nutless, chinless, trampire, etc. Love the names by the way, haha.


----------



## our vision shattered

tell the suby guy what happened to the car?


----------



## angelpixie

Hi, OVS! He didn't tell me a lot. Not long after we got the car, we had a coolant leak. Turned out to be a crack in the radiator. We had it replaced with an after-market one. That was in 2010. We started losing coolant again, and I guess he took it in this morning to get it checked. Another cracked radiator. This time they're putting in an original Subi one. Seems really weird -- this may be a really stupid question, but is there something about that engine that puts extra pressure on the radiator, or something? We've never had any radiator trouble in the '98 Legacy.


----------



## our vision shattered

angelpixie said:


> Hi, OVS! He didn't tell me a lot. Not long after we got the car, we had a coolant leak. Turned out to be a crack in the radiator. We had it replaced with an after-market one. That was in 2010. We started losing coolant again, and I guess he took it in this morning to get it checked. Another cracked radiator. This time they're putting in an original Subi one. Seems really weird -- this may be a really stupid question, but is there something about that engine that puts extra pressure on the radiator, or something? We've never had any radiator trouble in the '98 Legacy.


the radiator is basically exactly like the one in the 98, the llbean is a bigger engine & runs warmer, all the radiators have plastic tanks so they crack easy, especially afternarket ones, i'd also change the thermostat


----------



## angelpixie

thanks a lot, OVS! i will mention it to him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

morning angel.. bandits refugees is getting a little to rough for me so i thought i would say hi over here. I find it so funny that chinless got the "good" car but now its crapping out on him. is it mean if i laugh at him for a while? ha ha (said in nelson voice)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

No, not at all -- laugh away! But not too much; I don't want karma to come back around and bite me in the behind, lol.


----------



## angelpixie

A friend sent me this the other day, and I did a little more looking into it. Saw this so much in my relationship with STBXH. The endless go rounds that never ended up with anything other than me crashing and feeling crappy about myself. I am learning to react differently, thought it's still pretty ingrained.

When someone disagrees with you, don't JADE.

J = Justify
A = Argue
D = Defend
E = Explain

Here's a good link I found about it.

JADE: Good for Jewelry, Bad for Relationships

As the article says, down the rabbit hole you go...


----------



## Conrad

An Overview of the Drama Triangle


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> A friend sent me this the other day, and I did a little more looking into it. Saw this so much in my relationship with STBXH. The endless go rounds that never ended up with anything other than me crashing and feeling crappy about myself. I am learning to react differently, thought it's still pretty ingrained.
> 
> When someone disagrees with you, don't JADE.
> 
> J = Justify
> A = Argue
> D = Defend
> E = Explain
> 
> Here's a good link I found about it.
> 
> JADE: Good for Jewelry, Bad for Relationships
> 
> As the article says, down the rabbit hole you go...


Thank you for posting this....

I have a hard time not going down the rabbit hole whenever I do speak to STBXH, even though contact is extremely limited. I always feel the need to justify and explain.......ugh.........for everything....still....

I will be reading this site. Thank you again.


----------



## angelpixie

I see that both concepts (JADE and the 'victim triangle') have 'boundaries' in common. They were specifically not taught in my household -- no privacy or self-determination or encouragement to develop a separate identity. It was all a dysfunctional version of 'family.' It has become very important to me to have my feelings and things I do and say taken seriously. That can be a potent weapon in the wrong hands. Hence, the endless JADE-ing with STBXH. All he'd have to do to not take responsibility for something and put focus off of himself was to purposely mischaracterize something I'd do or say and I'd be shifted to explaining, defending, etc. I got to the point where I would 'pre-defend' before I'd even make a statement because I _knew_ there would be an argument or a put-down. 

I am learning that I need to just believe enough in myself that I'm not pushed into getting someone else's validation, especially when I know it's given or denied based on their need to be in control, not on the actual merits of what I do or say. 

It means you walk away a lot more often instead of trying to solve things, which is really hard for me to do. I hate grudges, I want peace and fairness. But I realize problems can only be truly solved if both people want to anyway.


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> All he'd have to do to not take responsibility for something and put focus off of himself was to purposely mischaracterize something I'd do or say and I'd be shifted to explaining, defending, etc.


Around these parts, that's called "Lifescripting"


----------



## angelpixie

He came by to borrow a bike lock. He's traveling around on Trampire's bike. Looks like he's going to keel over. Stop me from laughing. Someday he'll learn to appreciate what he has instead of constantly complaining. Something has got to get through that head of his at some point...I hope.

--------------------

Hard at work on DS' Halloween costume. So far, so good.


----------



## unsure78

whats he going to be for Halloween?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

It's a surprise.  But I will share here, don't worry. I was going to join him, but I don't think I'll have time to make two with what's-his-face going out of town. I'm not even bothering to make my grown-up costume, either.  Oh well. Always next year, right?


----------



## unsure78

im excited to see what it is- you are so creative with that stuff...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Cooking pork roast with plum wine...inspired!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Now everybody in the other thread has me wanting pie, too. Too late to go home &bake one. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

DS on the way home from the movie:

You know what I really want to do, Mom? I want to be home on an icy Sunday morning, sitting on the sofa and listening to jazz.

Me: Is this something you've done before, or just something you want to try?

DS: No, never done it before, but I think it's something I'd really like. But it would have to be icy outside and a Sunday morning.

Me: What kind of jazz do you like? 20's, 30's...

DS: Yeah, yeah - Duke Ellington. 

He's like this and not even 10 yet. What will he be like at 20? Geez I love that kid. Always a special moment like that, every day.


----------



## Dollystanford

he's a cool little man angel, it's what I love about D - she doesn't follow the crowd. So important in life I think


----------



## unsure78

wow angel thats awesome, i hope my DS ends up as interesting as yours
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> I see that both concepts (JADE and the 'victim triangle') have 'boundaries' in common. They were specifically not taught in my household -- no privacy or self-determination or encouragement to develop a separate identity. It was all a dysfunctional version of 'family.' It has become very important to me to have my feelings and things I do and say taken seriously. That can be a potent weapon in the wrong hands. Hence, the endless JADE-ing with STBXH. All he'd have to do to not take responsibility for something and put focus off of himself was to purposely mischaracterize something I'd do or say and I'd be shifted to explaining, defending, etc. I got to the point where I would 'pre-defend' before I'd even make a statement because I _knew_ there would be an argument or a put-down.
> 
> I am learning that I need to just believe enough in myself that I'm not pushed into getting someone else's validation, especially when I know it's given or denied based on their need to be in control, not on the actual merits of what I do or say.
> 
> It means you walk away a lot more often instead of trying to solve things, which is really hard for me to do. I hate grudges, I want peace and fairness. But I realize problems can only be truly solved if both people want to anyway.



I could have written this about myself. I'm working hard to change this about me. I have boundaries with everyone but nutless and my mother. They can suck me in everytime. My only defense with my mother is not seeing her or when I do not really talking to her other than surface stuff. She tells everyone what a [email protected] I am to her. I call it protecting myself. I guess this is why nutless and my mom protect each other and take each others sides. They are the victims. I just have to keep walking away despite what they call me.


----------



## angelpixie

It's all we can do, CM -- just keep practicing, one encounter at a time.


----------



## angelpixie

Going to do a double work-out today: riding my bike to the gym. Have never ridden a bike in this town, so I hope I make it there and back alive.  (Kind of defeats the purpose of working out if I don't, doesn't it? )


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> DS on the way home from the movie:
> 
> You know what I really want to do, Mom? I want to be home on an icy Sunday morning, sitting on the sofa and listening to jazz.
> 
> Me: Is this something you've done before, or just something you want to try?
> 
> DS: No, never done it before, but I think it's something I'd really like. But it would have to be icy outside and a Sunday morning.
> 
> Me: What kind of jazz do you like? 20's, 30's...
> 
> DS: Yeah, yeah - Duke Ellington.
> 
> He's like this and not even 10 yet. What will he be like at 20? Geez I love that kid. Always a special moment like that, every day.


Such a cool kid. You're doing a great job with him :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Made it there and back -- yay! Geez you'd think I won the Tour de France or something, but I was more worried about the traffic and bike lanes than whether or not I could physically do the trip. 

JoAnn Fabric is right by the gym, so I stopped in for something for DS' costume and some more yarn. Another benefit of biking: Only so much I can buy from JoAnn's at one time and fit in my backpack, lol. 

Time to make some borscht! For a cloudy day, I'm feeling pretty good.


----------



## jpr

Angel...your son is just so awesome. A kid like that doesn't just "happen" to be that way either. You are the reason for his awesomeness.


----------



## Torrivien

That's a productive day!


----------



## angelpixie

Soup = Love in a bowl. <3


----------



## angelpixie

Well this is weird, but it's got me thinking. When I had started one new med this winter, it was like a wonder drug. Best I'd felt in years, and it took something like a week to work. Then after a while I was feeling really crappy again. Since I was on a really tiny dose of that drug, we upped it. I'd hoped for another bounce, but didn't notice a difference.

Thanks to my memory problems, I forgot to call in my refill. I get a 90-day supply via mail order, so it takes days to get here. I was running out, so to make it last, I was taking 1/2 pill every other day for the last 4 days. Yesterday was pretty good, and this morning, I'm right on track, even considering I had to drive out to the other house, pick up DS and drive him back in to go to school. I'm ahead of schedule (hence my time to post on here). I almost wonder if I'm doing a little better because I weened off the other med. That would be really weird. But if I don't need it, I might as well not take it. Just wish I hadn't dropped $80 on a 90-day refill. 

I do like being more productive and feeling a little more positive, that's for sure.


----------



## unsure78

I just finally weened myself of lexapro ( this will be my first full week without it), took me a good 3 months to get off it, since i had such a bad reaction trying to reduce the first time. OMG its like my mind is clear again... I mean dont get me wrong i needed it when I got on it... but yea I can totally see a difference, its like im sharp again, didnt even have a problem getting out of bed, had motivation yesterday to clean the entire house.


----------



## angelpixie

And with a 71-minute (!) video on cataloging, my newfound happiness and productivity comes to a grinding halt.


----------



## angelpixie

Jesus Lord, so much pain. 

I need a drink. Bad. Or a hug. Or both.


----------



## bandit.45

What's wrong?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SCsweety81

{hugs}


----------



## angelpixie

Other threads.


----------



## bandit.45

???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

You posted in one earlier today. Crisis situation.


----------



## Matt1720

You've done more than enough, proud of you.


----------



## bandit.45

angelpixie said:


> You posted in one earlier today. Crisis situation.


Oh yeah. Poor dude. I feel for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I know. That is so so so so hard to read. ...I know how it must affect you especially, Angel. 

You had some really great insights. I hope it sinks it. 

*hug*hug*hug*


----------



## angelpixie

Thinking a lot about you, too, sweetie. You're awesome to be posting. I know it can't be easy for you. 

I just hope he'll be OK and that he'll let us know.

((hugs)) to you, too.


----------



## angelpixie

Does she have any idea what he's been and is going through?


----------



## angelpixie

He added a pic of his kids to his avi!!


----------



## jpr

gosh...this is heart-breaking.


----------



## angelpixie

I hope the pic is a good sign. He's still here, at least.


----------



## bandit.45

You gave him the hotline number and you gave him your care Angel. You did all you could do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

I hope he keeps reaching out. Sigh.


----------



## angelpixie

Damn, this house seems so cold and empty tonight. And I can't stay awake. I guess that's not such a bad thing, considering.


----------



## angelpixie

Mad World -- Gary Jules


----------



## angelpixie

Sleep. Now.


----------



## SCsweety81

Sweet dreams, Angel. You deserve 'em, after today.


----------



## our vision shattered

you did everthing you could, proud of your caring


----------



## angelpixie

_'I face the day with my head caved in
Looking like something that the cat brought in'

_The Police -- Invisible Sun


----------



## unsure78

Wow angel I just read that thread, both you and jpr are amazing... im proud to say that I know you guys... your compassion and caring for other shows thru so strongly


----------



## angelpixie

Raining cats and dogs this morning, with heavy wind on campus, to boot. Lights are flickering; hope the power goes out. A little excitement here wouldn't hurt. 

Questioning the wisdom of a Halloween costume that is so dependent on cardboard. But DS and I can't think of one rainy Halloween since he's been trick or treating. Odds are in our favor. 

Wearing my 1980's cherry red wet-look rain jacket and carrying my 1970's clear bubble umbrella. I am 'wonderfully anachronistic' as a friend once called me.


----------



## unsure78

I remember those clear bubble umbrellas


----------



## angelpixie

They're actually pretty awesome. The wind would have popped a regular one inside out, but the bubble one didn't budge. Kept my purse and backpack nice & dry, too. Bring back the bubble!


----------



## TBT

angelpixie said:


> Wearing my 1980's cherry red wet-look rain jacket and carrying my 1970's clear bubble umbrella. I am 'wonderfully anachronistic' as a friend once called me.


Brought to mind 60's Carnaby Street.


----------



## angelpixie

Back to the sleep meds tomorrow night, I guess. Sigh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Oh, Angel. No Sleep= 

That is awful. I hope you are able to get some zzzz's today. I can't imagine what it is like to not be able to sleep for an extended period of time. That must be miserable.


----------



## unsure78

God I don't know how you and jpr are doing it on that other thread... its just breaking my heart just reading it... his hurt is just dripping off the page... geez maybe i need to take a break from TAM myself, its so hard not to get wrapped up in new peoples pain...


----------



## angelpixie

I know what you mean, Unsure.


----------



## unsure78

With you guys ( you, jpr, cant, bandit) its ok, i feel like we have all come thru this together, but with the new pain.. its so hard, especially one like that.. christ im almost tearing up at my desk


----------



## OldGirl

unsure78 said:


> Wow angel I just read that thread, both you and jpr are amazing... im proud to say that I know you guys... your compassion and caring for other shows thru so strongly


:iagree:


----------



## angelpixie

Forgot my phone in my other purse. Dammit. That's what I get for trying to match my purse and shoes after only 4 hrs. sleep.


----------



## angelpixie

Of course DS gets sick at school the day I forget my phone at home. Poor kid probably wondered why he couldn't reach me. At least STBXH got his car back late yesterday and he picked him up & is watching DS for the rest of the day. +1 for STBXH

ETA: I hope they turn on my damned heat today!


----------



## unsure78

Seriously you still don't have your heat yet? Thats total crap...


----------



## Matt1720

angelpixie said:


> Forgot my phone in my other purse. Dammit. That's what I get for trying to match my purse and shoes after only 4 hrs. sleep.


Image is everything, thirst is nothing. Wait, scratch that, reverse it.


----------



## angelpixie

unsure78 said:


> Seriously you still don't have your heat yet? Thats total crap...


I know. I called the work order in late last week.


----------



## Matt1720

Are you a pyro like me?

I heard these old school Perfection oil heaters work exceedingly well


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, that's beautiful (says the lover of vintage things)! Maybe tonight's the night I should burn all of mine and Chinless' old love letters in a big metal trash can in the living room. Keeping his son warm with the memories of our love gone up in flames. Rather poetic, don't you think?


----------



## Matt1720

I can neither condone nor discourage this behavior.


----------



## angelpixie

Thank you for your neutrality...?


----------



## Matt1720

You may or may not be welcome, ok I'll stop being a doofus now


----------



## angelpixie

Don't be silly, we love you just the way you are.


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> Don't be silly, we love you just the way you are.


...so, you are agreeing that Matt is a doofus? :scratchhead:.....


----------



## bandit.45

jpr said:


> ...so, you are agreeing that Matt is a doofus? :scratchhead:.....


:rofl:


----------



## Matt1720




----------



## Matt1720

Do these pants make my personality look goofy?


----------



## angelpixie

jpr said:


> ...so, you are agreeing that Matt is a doofus? :scratchhead:.....



:biggrinangelA:


----------



## angelpixie

So, DS is feeling a little better, but we're still taking it easy tonight. Last of the borscht and some hearty bread. More comfort food.  I think it's a snuggle-up-and-watch-a-movie night tonight. I just want to hold my little boy a little extra close.


----------



## bandit.45

Love borscht. Love cabbagy stuff.


----------



## angelpixie

YAY!!!!!! I was so afraid to hope!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> So, DS is feeling a little better, but we're still taking it easy tonight. Last of the borscht and some hearty bread. More comfort food.  I think it's a snuggle-up-and-watch-a-movie night tonight. I just want to hold my little boy a little extra close.


You are an amazing mom, AP !! :smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> YAY!!!!!! I was so afraid to hope!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't tell if this is about your heating going on or Bandit liking cabbagey stuff


----------



## angelpixie

neither, actually. it had been so many hours since we'd heard on the other thread, we'd really thought we'd lost him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Dolly hugs >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

now sleep woman


----------



## Matt1720

Is she sleeping? the sun is behind the cloud


----------



## Dollystanford

Have you been drinking Matthew
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Matt1720

no, just a rough night


----------



## OldGirl

Matt1720 said:


>


Love Goofus and Gallant. Brings back great memories


----------



## angelpixie

Weren't they in Highlights magazine? I remember reading that in the waiting room at the doctor's office.

-------------

Poor DS was up sick twice last night. No school today or tomorrow, so we'd already arranged for his dad to watch him today and for me to work from home tomorrow. He felt so bad this morning I had to put off driving him til he felt good enough to make the trip. I hope this passes quickly -- his b-day party is in 2 days. I hate seeing him so sick. He's such a sweet kid - he felt so bad that I had to clean up last night. I just told him not to worry. 

Makes me not want to take a pill again tonight. I felt so groggy when I had to get up for him. Though I do feel a little sharper today.


----------



## SCsweety81

You're an awesome mommy, Angel.

I hope your boy is well, soon!


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, Sweety!


----------



## SCondeck

I guess nobody warned Gallant that one day his wife is going to leave him because he treats her too good and gives her everything.


----------



## angelpixie

Only because Gallant married the shallow woman with fake breasts instead of the plain woman with a good heart. (I can trade cliches with the best of them.  )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

just having a little fun with you, SC.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cantmove

How's your son feeling tonight Angel?


----------



## angelpixie

much better, thanks. he didn't have a good day, but this evening he kept everything down and he's more his usual lively self. in fact, i'm having a hard time getting him to go to bed, lol

how are you doing tonight, CM?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SCondeck

Haha unfortunately, our cliches are both right on. In my case, she didn't get the fake breasts and botox until AFTER she married me.

A friend of mine told me recently that I am the 3rd married man he knows whos wife got fake breasts and then divorced him within a year. This is some real scientific stuff here!


----------



## angelpixie

Houston, we have ignition! WE HAVE HEAT!!:woohoo: :bounce: :yay: :biggrinangelA:  :toast: :smthumbup:  :corkysm60:


----------



## Matt1720

I'll put my shirt back on now... that should last you *squints eyes at his bare abs* three...four months.


----------



## angelpixie

I sweet-talked the guy into showing me how to light the pilot myself, so I won't have to call in a work order the next time it goes out. Sometimes it's good to be girly.


----------



## unsure78

yea Angel!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Well, I celebrated too soon. It stayed on for about 1/2 hour, then went out. I re-lit the pilot a bunch of times, but it won't stay on after I let go of the Pilot button, so I can't turn the heater on. I finally got hold of the guy again, and he thinks it's the thermocouple. I have the name of another guy to call, and they supposedly have spares, so it's a race against the clock to see if he gets here before the end of the day, or if I have to wait til Monday. I'd rather be here when they're doing it.

And another thing. Last night my STFC teacher asked if I'd substitute teach for her next week because she had to go out of town. I was supposed to leave in the middle of all this heat stuff go get books & DVDs from her. She just texted and said her trip was cancelled. So I dodged the proverbial bullet on that. But she said she's bringing the stuff to class next week for me so that I can practice up in case she needs to ask again. Man, my life sure has changed, hasn't it?  I think where I was one year ago and two years ago at this time. You really never know what the future is going to bring. Taking a STFC, much less being _asked_ to fill in as instructor? I would have laughed you out of the room if you'd told me that a year ago.


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## Matt1720

It would have been fun for sure!


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## unsure78

angel you rock... that would have been awesome you teaching stfc
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford

make a video and teach us!!!


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## angelpixie

It will NEVER be captured in any format. In fact, I will be distributing complimentary brain bleach to the students as they leave. :rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Matt1720

Dollystanford said:


> make a video and teach us!!!


make instructional drawings!


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## unsure78

ha im actually finding this amusing... my water heater most likely has the same problem as your furnace. my dad came over showed me how to light the pilot... went out again a few hours later. so it looks like the thermocouple for me as well. either my dad or the engineer will come over to help put in a new one tommrow. i think its a pretty.cheap fix, if its pretty easy would you like me to pass on to you how to do it angel? if you havent already gotten it fixed? let me know...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

That is funny, unsure. Actually a 2nd guy from the rental company came by and fixed it. Took him maybe 10 minutes, and we've been toasty warm since. Glad you're getting yours fixed, too.
But for future reference, I'd still like to know.  
Thanks!


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## angelpixie

So, I asked DS how he wanted to celebrate on his birthday (he's with me on the actual day). He wants exactly the meal I predicted he would, and asked if his dad could have dinner and cake with us. I told him I'd invite his dad, but he might already have plans to celebrate separately. 

I pretty much don't care either way. I just want DS to have as good of a b-day as possible. We're grown-ups, we should be able to handle dinner together, esp since the Trampire isn't here. This may be our last opportunity for that.

So he saw DS for a while tonight and when he brought him back, I asked STBXH. At first he acted like he'd rather not, and said that he'd planned to take DS back to his place after school to open presents from his side of the fam. I told him that was fine, I was inviting on behalf of DS, and I would just tell him we're doing 2 celebrations. Then STBXH looked really sad and guilty. I just smiled and told him it was really OK. I didn't feel angry or sad. Actually kind of relieved, but that made me feel selfish. It's not fair to DS that his family broke up and he doesn't get to have the kind of birthday _he_ wants. He loses out the most in this situation. Then STBXH's face changed and he said he'd come if it was OK with me. I told him either way was OK with me, that I was doing what DS wanted for his day. He gave me a sort of grateful smile back.

I still think there should be separate present-opening. We aren't together anymore, so we also shouldn't give false hopes to DS. Dinner together is just that.

It's just interesting to me that STBXH has so easily bought into the whole divorced mind-set without guilt for how it affects DS. He's just supposed to tag along with whatever the adults do. In my case I just had to tag along with whatever STBXH decided and it trickled down to DS. 

It feels weird to have no part in the preparations for his party tomorrow except for paying for half of it. So different from last year when it was here at my little house: 7 boys playing in the yard, running in and out of the house, some parents hanging out, a tent in the front yard where we painted t-shirts and had cake, opening presents in my living room. I did all but the cake myself. STBXH did that (he's much better at cake decorating than I am -- yeah, I'm waiting for more gender preference comments, lol). It took a lot out of me, having all of those people over; started helping me realize how introverted I really am (hard to believe, I know). But this year? Nothing. I will be doing a lot of treat-making though, for school and the kids at the Y.

Ten years ago today we were waiting to see if I'd go into labor or if I'd be induced (he was already a week late). We were excited, happy, and of course, kind of worried that it would all go OK. I was big as a house and could only work half time at that point. No family here, but a lot of great people at work that really took me under their collective wing, even though I'd only been there a little over a year at that point. Ten years already. Wow. 

And 10 days from tomorrow is the anniversary of speech day #1. Day before Halloween. He'll be celebrating it in France with his girlfriend. Another wow. How things change. How I wished I hadn't fought him then; hadn't tried to 'save' our 'marriage.' It was already dead, but I believed him when he said he wasn't sure; just needed time.

Funny how I loved this song when it came out. I was a kid. Little did I know.

Wasted Time -- The Eagles

Well, this post sure is all over the place, isn't it?


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## our vision shattered

angelpixie said:


> So, I asked DS how he wanted to celebrate on his birthday (he's with me on the actual day). He wants exactly the meal I predicted he would, and asked if his dad could have dinner and cake with us. I told him I'd invite his dad, but he might already have plans to celebrate separately.
> 
> I pretty much don't care either way. I just want DS to have as good of a b-day as possible. We're grown-ups, we should be able to handle dinner together, esp since the Trampire isn't here. This may be our last opportunity for that.
> 
> So he saw DS for a while tonight and when he brought him back, I asked STBXH. At first he acted like he'd rather not, and said that he'd planned to take DS back to his place after school to open presents from his side of the fam. I told him that was fine, I was inviting on behalf of DS, and I would just tell him we're doing 2 celebrations. Then STBXH looked really sad and guilty. I just smiled and told him it was really OK. I didn't feel angry or sad. Actually kind of relieved, but that made me feel selfish. It's not fair to DS that his family broke up and he doesn't get to have the kind of birthday _he_ wants. He loses out the most in this situation. Then STBXH's face changed and he said he'd come if it was OK with me. I told him either way was OK with me, that I was doing what DS wanted for his day. He gave me a sort of grateful smile back.
> 
> I still think there should be separate present-opening. We aren't together anymore, so we also shouldn't give false hopes to DS. Dinner together is just that.
> 
> It's just interesting to me that STBXH has so easily bought into the whole divorced mind-set without guilt for how it affects DS. He's just supposed to tag along with whatever the adults do. In my case I just had to tag along with whatever STBXH decided and it trickled down to DS.
> 
> It feels weird to have no part in the preparations for his party tomorrow except for paying for half of it. So different from last year when it was here at my little house: 7 boys playing in the yard, running in and out of the house, some parents hanging out, a tent in the front yard where we painted t-shirts and had cake, opening presents in my living room. I did all but the cake myself. STBXH did that (he's much better at cake decorating than I am -- yeah, I'm waiting for more gender preference comments, lol). It took a lot out of me, having all of those people over; started helping me realize how introverted I really am (hard to believe, I know). But this year? Nothing. I will be doing a lot of treat-making though, for school and the kids at the Y.
> 
> Ten years ago today we were waiting to see if I'd go into labor or if I'd be induced (he was already a week late). We were excited, happy, and of course, kind of worried that it would all go OK. I was big as a house and could only work half time at that point. No family here, but a lot of great people at work that really took me under their collective wing, even though I'd only been there a little over a year at that point. Ten years already. Wow.
> 
> And 10 days from tomorrow is the anniversary of speech day #1. Day before Halloween. He'll be celebrating it in France with his girlfriend. Another wow. How things change. How I wished I hadn't fought him then; hadn't tried to 'save' our 'marriage.' It was already dead, but I believed him when he said he wasn't sure; just needed time.
> 
> Funny how I loved this song when it came out. I was a kid. Little did I know.
> 
> Wasted Time -- The Eagles
> 
> Well, this post sure is all over the place, isn't it?


god i love that song, love the eagles so much !!!!


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## our vision shattered

our vision shattered said:


> god i love that song, love the eagles so much !!!!


i just watched the link, damn i love that band & that song :smthumbup:


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## jpr

angelpixie said:


> .
> 
> It's just interesting to me that STBXH has so easily bought into the whole divorced mind-set without guilt for how it affects DS. He's just supposed to tag along with whatever the adults do. In my case I just had to tag along with whatever STBXH decided and it trickled down to DS.


Wow. I was thinking this exact same thing yesterday. Sasquatch moved into a new place, and, our son...being less than 2 years old...was freaked out by the change. He didn't sleep, and he cried a lot while he was with his dad on Tuesday night. 

Sasquatch normally would just say, "Oh well. He'll adjust." ....but, this time it was a little different. I think he is just *starting* to understand how his selfish choices are affecting his son. 

...and I often think those same thoughts...about how I should have just let Sasquatch go last October. He, too, told me that he needed some space to "figure things out". ...I believed him and held out hope for so long. I sometimes wish I would have just cut the ties then. I had already been through so much with him. ...but, you know, Angel...I think ultimately that I needed to hold on for as long as I did so that I could really move on. Does that make sense? I wasn't ready to move on and let go one year ago. I wasn't ready to close that door. ....and if I would have forced that door closed, I fear that it eventually would have been blown wide open and forever tottering between "opened" and "closed"

I am probably not making any sense. I got very little sleep last night...my dog had an upset tummy last night.


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## unsure78

no jpr you make perfect sense and i have thought the same things as you and angel. I sometimes now wish when i got first ilybnilwy speech in sept that i let him go, however i do not think i would have grown as much as i have if i didnt take the time and fight for the relationship. Fighting for the relationship made me become introspective and really take a hard look at myself.and the role i played, also it has helped me decided what kind of partner i want in the future. If i had just let him walk and i didnt go thru as much pain, i dont know if i would be where i am now. Also i have no regrets as i feel i did everything i could to save the marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford

Ultimately they are selfish angel, tosspot expects everything to be exactly the same apart from the fact that we don't live together. He appears hurt by the fact that I'm not interested in his life and D isn't that bothered about seeing him. It tells me how little he really knew either of us by the end....

I didn't fight very long for my marriage because I just didn't want to - when someone hurts me I go into survival mode and cut my emotions off. I know that sounds cold bit it's the way I've always been, Jupiter in my 8th house apparently 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

I think you ladies are right. I often wish I had made a totally different, life-altering choice some years ago. Sure it would have avoided the painful things that happened after that, but there's no guarantee that it would have been better. I think I have grown and gained so much by going through this. I would have been pushed out on my own if I'd left earlier, but without that knowledge that I'd done all I could, and without the preparation given me by my time in therapy and my incessant studying on my and STBXH's backgrounds and issues. 
I know it has helped the transition not be necessarily smooth, but it was less rocky than it could have been. Once I left, I can be proud of never trying to get him back. At that point it was a process of mourning, detaching and trying to figure out why.


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## angelpixie

Contra dancin' tonight. Oh yeah.


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## angelpixie

So, all in all, I think this turned out to be a great day. Party went well (even considering that asshat ex didn't even offer me a piece of cake, even though he made two little ones and had so much left over he was going to just throw some away. Give some to birthday boy's mom? Hell, no. Douche), kids had a great time. Two years ago, before I got speech #1, we had a party at the water park at a local hotel. I was so uncomfortable around him by then. I remember feeling so stressed out, like it wasn't my son, wasn't my husband and I throwing the party. I was so uncomfortable and nervous meeting the parents and even seeing some I already knew. Then STBXH's bff (best female friend) showed up. That made it even worse. They acted like they were the parents and I was an outsider. I remember looking at photos from the party, and there were some with her in them, but none of me. None. From the entire party. That's the way it always was by then. I was so on the outside of everything, and yet was blamed for not being at ease, not being OK with all of his female friends, how they were replacing me in his life. I was wrong, too uptight, too old-fashioned. 

Now, we are split, and I was more relaxed today than I was then, when we were still supposedly together. Even driving away by myself, I didn't feel sad. I looked forward to going around town taking some pictures, I was smiling, felt relaxed. I felt at ease around the parents. I took my own photos of the party, and I decided who was in them, and who was cropped out.  He seemed more nervous than I was. I notice that he looks even thinner and downright haggard. Not my problem anymore. 
The kids had a good time, and so did I. 

Tomorrow will be busy. I should have thought to take Monday off to get presents wrapped and the house cleaned up for dinner. Guess I'll be doing a lot of baking and cleaning tomorrow. It will work out. 

Contra dance was super tonight. Huge turnout and we went later than usual. I danced all but one dance and the two waltzes. I remembered why there's no point in curling my hair or wearing makeup. It all just dies, lol. I have to make sure I can get a babysitter for the next one. It will be at the University ballroom and should be really big. It will be when Chinless is in France, so I'd better be able to get his friend to help out. He keeps telling me she will. I won't be asking for much. Just that night and my two STFC classes. I need to make sure I have some times set aside for things I want to do while he's gone.

I am exhausted, but it's a good tired.


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## angelpixie

It looks like Christmas around here, all the presents and wrapping paper. DS isn't going to be able to stand waiting til tomorrow, lol!


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## angelpixie

Presents are wrapped. Kitchen and dining area cleaned up after baking 2 layers and 28 cupcakes (14 frosted blue, 14 frosted green, all with colored sprinkles  ). Shopped for everything to make DS' favorite dinner and then cookies to take to the Y Tuesday night. Chinless stopped by to lend me the big box of fancy food coloring (honestly thought I had some), and to drop off a card for DS to get in the morning. 

We talked this a.m. about preparations for his trip. I told him again that I thought I should get some extra money since I have DS 3/4 of the month and am set to get only 1/2 of his benefit (while he takes care of him 1 week and gets the same amount). He started to argue again that his friend was going to take DS and he wasn't going to give her anything except use of his food stamp card if he had them. Well, that's fine for her. She's a trust fund baby and money's not a big deal for her. I also told him again that I'm taking care of DS because he's my son and that he shouldn't hold it against me if I also want part of DS' benefit to do it. I don't get it. That money is supposed to follow DS. My lawyer told me that I'd get all of it if I had full custody. It only makes logical sense to me. I'm buying food that I normally wouldn't buy, be doing extra laundry (lots, lol), etc. He's using the extra for funding his trip, no doubt. Had a nice shiny new smart phone he pulled out while he was over, and he told me he got a little prepaid one to use in France for emergencies. So he gave me an extra $50, which should be more than enough. 

And, since he'll have DS the night before his morning flight out guess who will be driving him to the airport before driving DS to school (and switching cars while he's gone). Yep. Seems a little bizarre to ask the woman from whom you're not yet legally divorced to drive you to the airport so you can fly to see your mistress. Or maybe that's just me. I really don't care at this point. I'm not feeling sad about it. I'm not uptight when he talks about it. I'm joking about DS and his birthday. I feel like a different me around him. I never really thought it would happen. Like I'd always hurt that he was going off to be with someone else. I guess I've finally internalized that we are not the same people we were years ago, and we don't belong together now; haven't belonged together for a long time. I don't excuse the awful way he treated me. It still causes a lot of pain when I think back to those times and how I was and felt back then. 

I'm glad that is over.


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## abandonmentissues

angelpixie said:


> Presents are wrapped. Kitchen and dining area cleaned up after baking 2 layers and 28 cupcakes (14 frosted blue, 14 frosted green, all with colored sprinkles  ). Shopped for everything to make DS' favorite dinner and then cookies to take to the Y Tuesday night. Chinless stopped by to lend me the big box of fancy food coloring (honestly thought I had some), and to drop off a card for DS to get in the morning.
> 
> We talked this a.m. about preparations for his trip. I told him again that I thought I should get some extra money since I have DS 3/4 of the month and am set to get only 1/2 of his benefit (while he takes care of him 1 week and gets the same amount). He started to argue again that his friend was going to take DS and he wasn't going to give her anything except use of his food stamp card if he had them. Well, that's fine for her. She's a trust fund baby and money's not a big deal for her. I also told him again that I'm taking care of DS because he's my son and that he shouldn't hold it against me if I also want part of DS' benefit to do it. I don't get it. That money is supposed to follow DS. My lawyer told me that I'd get all of it if I had full custody. It only makes logical sense to me. I'm buying food that I normally wouldn't buy, be doing extra laundry (lots, lol), etc. He's using the extra for funding his trip, no doubt. Had a nice shiny new smart phone he pulled out while he was over, and he told me he got a little prepaid one to use in France for emergencies. So he gave me an extra $50, which should be more than enough.
> 
> And, since he'll have DS the night before his morning flight out guess who will be driving him to the airport before driving DS to school (and switching cars while he's gone). Yep. Seems a little bizarre to ask the woman from whom you're not yet legally divorced to drive you to the airport so you can fly to see your mistress. Or maybe that's just me. I really don't care at this point. I'm not feeling sad about it. I'm not uptight when he talks about it. I'm joking about DS and his birthday. I feel like a different me around him. I never really thought it would happen. Like I'd always hurt that he was going off to be with someone else. I guess I've finally internalized that we are not the same people we were years ago, and we don't belong together now; haven't belonged together for a long time. I don't excuse the awful way he treated me. It still causes a lot of pain when I think back to those times and how I was and felt back then.
> 
> I'm glad that is over.


I wouldn't drive him, if my stbx tried to pull that sh!t I'd tell him it's not my problem(even if I didn't care) But that's just me. Of course I'd also rip his head off if he tried to bring a girl around right now.


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## that_girl

Your posts make me sad because I've been that child and I've been the parent to that child.

But then I know that in time, it all seems to work out and it's not sad so much as it is liberating.


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## angelpixie

I totally understand, AI. I hate what he's done, no doubt. And I'm sure a lot of people would tell me I'm letting him get away with sh!t. I honestly thought I'd have DS the night before his flight and that he'd get himself to the airport (that house is literally a long walk away). But since he's having DS, which would be in line with our normal schedule, it would be more inconvenient to make DS get up at the crack of dawn in order to get him to me before going to the airport. 

Whether I get mad or not doesn't change anything. He decided he wanted out and wanted to sow his oats with other women. I finally realized I don't want to waste my time pining after someone like that. I deserve someone who will be faithful to me. He wasn't that person. Someday maybe he'll find out that sleeping around with trampy girls isn't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe not. I won't be there for him either way. But we are DS' co-parents, and for his sake, I have to get along with his father, as long as I also stand up for myself like I did today.


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## angelpixie

that_girl said:


> Your posts make me sad because I've been that child and I've been the parent to that child.
> 
> But then I know that in time, it all seems to work out and it's not sad so much as it is liberating.


I know, T_G. I never, ever wanted my child to be in this situation. We didn't really have a choice. But I think it is on its way to working out. I'm already starting to feel that liberation, too.


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## that_girl

The best thing my ex ever did was move 2 states away. Sounds awful but the stress of dealing with him on a weekly basis was too much. Now, it's 3 times a year when she visits him. Fine. They talk all the time. I don't talk to him at all.

We did co-parent for years. Birthday dinners, parent conferences, etc. It worked. 

It will be ok. Your son will get older and start to see things for that they are too. My daughter is 13 now and completely understands why I left her dad. She says he's like that with her too (just a jerk sometimes when he doesn't get his way). Kids aren't stupid.


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## angelpixie

Couldn't find any newborn pics on the computer, but I did find these -- 1st and 2nd birthdays. He was (and is!) such a beautiful boy. I'm getting all teary-eyed now. 

1st birthday









2nd birthday


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## jpr

Awww...those pictures and your post brought tears to my eyes, too. He is just such a special little boy, Angel. I hope he has an absolutely wonderful day today!...Thanks for sharing this with us.

(....I wish there was a heart emoticon.... this lame cat-fly-thingy will have to due--> :catfly: )


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## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> Whether I get mad or not doesn't change anything. He decided he wanted out and wanted to sow his oats with other women. I finally realized I don't want to waste my time pining after someone like that. I deserve someone who will be faithful to me. He wasn't that person. Someday maybe he'll find out that sleeping around with trampy girls isn't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe not. I won't be there for him either way. But we are DS' co-parents, and for his sake, I have to get along with his father, as long as I also stand up for myself like I did today.


Wow Angel that's a great post.. you have come so far


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## SCsweety81

What a gorgeous birthday boy! I know you're a proud Mommy, Angel!


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## angelpixie

Yay!! I found some newborn pics on my work email from when STBXH sent them to my co-workers. Moral of the story: NEVER clean out your in-box, lol. 

His first Halloween costume. Worn to his first pediatrician visit. Neither of them were amused. And yes, I was kind of bored during that last week or so before he was born, so of course I made him a costume -- A ba-bee, of course! 










My little angel:









OK, I'll stop now.


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## unsure78

no Angel... post more pics, they are making me smile...


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## Eternal Embrace

Sorry, but I'm reading thru your thread as I type (wanted to start from the beginning) and I just have to say...

You are one feisty chick with a take no sh!t attitude!!!

Kudos to you my dear!!! You're awesome!!!:smthumbup:


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## jpr

Ba-bee....I love that!

Thanks so much for sharing these, Angel. 

So sweet.


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## OldGirl

unsure78 said:


> no Angel... post more pics, they are making me smile...


They're making me smile too. Love 'em.


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## angelpixie

Wow, what a day. I'm supposed to be baking cookies for tomorrow night and i just can't do it. DS loved his cake, which was a he11 of a lot of messing around to imitate something that has crappy graphics in the first place, lol. Somehow I missed his dad's text saying that he had a bad stomach and wouldn't be eating dinner with us, that he was just coming for presents & so his side of the fam could talk to DS. So it was weird all sitting at the table, but only 2of us eating. We opened presents first since dinner wasn't quite ready. As I posted on the Refugees thread, the Trampire got him a gift, and it was entirely too much for his age and her relationship to him. Chinless was so proud of it and it just pissed me off. I didn't even say anything about her gift. Luckily, I was standing by the stove and not by them at that point. During the rest of the time he was there, he kept trying to engage me in chit-chat: asking about my job, my family. I told him bare minimums, but I didn't embellish. For DS' sake I still tried to stay cordial, but it was starting to get to me. She's always there, even when she's not physically there. I guess it didn't even dawn on me that he'd bring a gift from her. Finally, after dinner, cake, and gifts, DS went into the room to start playing with his stuff. Chinless corners me and asks how 'things' are. When I asked what things, he said he meant me - how are things with me? I mean, what am I supposed to say? As the night wore on, I was remembering where we were 10 years ago tonight - in the hospital, happy parents with our newborn. But we can't talk about things like that. 'Oh, by the way, Chinless, did you hear I was getting a divorce?' I just said I was fine, and just lived a pretty ordinary life. 
I wanted to scream at him that I was looking forward to a far better one once I wasn't held hostage by the money situation anymore. I think by then he knew I really didn't want him there. I told him he could stay & play with DS if he wanted to, but he said he should go. Fine. To think at one time I wanted these little occasions to give us a chance to be a family together. I'm so over that. It's obvious that he's delusional enough to think he can pull the sh!t he has and somehow we'll be friends. I had no desire to share anything about my life with him. If he wanted to be a part of my life, he should have treated me differently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

Sweet pics! I love baby pics from my baby girl. She'll be 4 in November and it's making me sad.

Enjoy the moments...they go so quickly.


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## angelpixie

Oh...and DS got one of his most special birthday wishes : it SNOWED briefly this afternoon. I'm so not ready for that yet, but he was ecstatic.


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## abandonmentissues

He brought a gift from her? WTF? How rude.


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## angelpixie

Grippy gut pains. I love the effect he has on me.  Get thee to France, already, Chinless.


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## angelpixie

Just found out 2 minutes ago that I have to teach class again - the day after tomorrow!! I remember when the other group in the department had this unit -- it was awful. And now I have less than 2 days to prepare to _teach_ it, and I'm not even done reading and watching the videos myself! Yikes!


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## angelpixie

What I did between getting home from work and going to the Y. 4 dozen of them:


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## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> What I did between getting home from work and going to the Y. 4 dozen of them:


Those look so yummy; just right. Now I want chocolate chip cookies.


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## Lon

angelpixie said:


> What I did between getting home from work and going to the Y. 4 dozen of them:


4 dozen??!! You ate them all? Back to the Y for you...


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## angelpixie

Lon said:


> 4 dozen??!! You ate them all? Back to the Y for you...


haha, Lon. No, DS and I go to the YWCA for their support groups every Tuesday night. We've made lots of friends there, and DS wanted to take treats for his birthday. I only got 1, lol!


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## that_girl

Yummo!


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## Dollystanford

nom nom angel!

I'm outraged she bought him that - there are certain presents that you always discuss first. D's biological dad's mum wanted to buy her a mobile phone for her 8th birthday and I said 'no way', it was just inappropriate

Chinless will be on my continent huh? I'm sending him death stares as we speak, hope he feels the chill


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## YellowRoses

Can't imagine the sophisticated, take no sh*t French will think much of him either !

He really is a buffoon Angel, on what planet would it ever be appropriate to bring along a gift from your girlfriend when you are not yet divorced. And a stupid gift by the sound of it.

Tell him to walk to the airport (and be late picking DS up )

PS. On the baking front , well done. I have been 'volunteered' by DS to bake for each and every class birthday - he will claim the credit. We have done 4 so far, only 18 to go !!


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## angelpixie

Holy crap, YR -- EVERY birthday?! When I took DS to school just now, I ran in and told his teacher that she should just be contacting me for the next 2 weeks, and asked about their Halloween party (I'm on the Baking Committee, too. ) -- she asked if I wanted to organize the party, and I am proud of myself for saying NO!! (and I only felt a little bit guilty. ) I can't imagine doing every birthday -- you are a good mom, YR! 

Well, I took Chinless to the airport today. He was almost giddy with excitement. I was doing my best to ro.bot up, but seeing him like that, knowing how excited he'd be to see her, mind movies of their happy reunion, memories of times I _thought_ we'd had happy reunions, blah! Luckily, he couldn't tell anything was up with me, but I had to just come home for a while after dropping DS off at school and just get myself together before going in to work. I feel better now. He wants to skype with DS while he's gone, so I'll have to make sure I get things set up and then leave so I don't have to hear it all. I'm sure she'll be there, too. 

He hasn't brought up how he's getting back from the airport, and I don't know when he gets back in, but I'm not picking him up. His French tart bff can take DS and meet him. I'll be ready for a rest home by then, and to see him coming back all refreshed and excited will be too much. 

Where do I sign up to get all these vacations? His third in a couple of months. And because of the requirements of the re-fi and his job program, he's already had to pay off his CC. So, he doesn't even have the bills for this staring him in the face. Yeah, I'm really starting to wonder about this karma thing. Maybe it's a bunch of b.s.


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## angelpixie

Feeling really wobbly today. I remember when I lived with him, I had a tremor in my hand. I figured it was a side-effect of the Wellbutrin. It magically went away when I moved out (even though I was still taking the drug). It only came back twice before now -- both times when I was dealing a lot with him and it was really stressful. It's bad again the last couple of days. Totally makes sense. Making it difficult to text & do things needing fine motor control.
Feel really shaky inside today, too, like I'm on sensory overload. I usually listen to music while I'm doing my classwork, and I just can't. Have to read everything 3 times, etc. I feel like it's not just emotional, like it's physical, too. I feel kind of haywire. I really need a relaxing break, and i need some positive things to start happening. The way this has all stalled is really getting me down. NOBODY is in a hurry to get this done except me, it seems. Chinless doesn't really have any motivation, since he's already where he's going to live, already owns the car, has all the money he needs to live on, and obviously is not waiting for a legal divorce before he starts living like a single man. The bankers, the people at his program, my lawyer...none of them are doing things in the time period they said they would, so we're all waiting for them. If I'm late making a payment or doing something with a deadline, I get in trouble. But if these people put us off for weeks or even months in one case, we have no recourse. I'm tired of being the responsible one. I know that sounds stupid because I'm an adult with a child, but I've been the responsible one since I was a kid, especially so after my dad left. I never really even had a full partner when I was married. I know so many women have it so much worse than me. I really do. I feel guilty complaining. I know I just need a break and then I'll be able to hit it strong again. Sorry again...I just really needed to vent.


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## jpr

I am sorry, Angel.

Life is not fair...and I am starting to believe that there is no such thing as karma.

It stinks so much to see Chinless getting everything he wants. I can't believe that he can afford a trip to France. [email protected]$!? Crazy. 

Crazily irresponsible.

I am feeling a lot of pressure lately too. That word--woobly. ..that's a good word for it.

I am so sorry. You have been through the ringer lately. You had to be around Chinless for your son's birthday. Insanely self-absorbed Trampire gave a highly inappropriate gift to your son. You drove Chinless to the airport for his romantic renunion with the Trampire. ...so awful! Man, oh man! You have just been through so incredibly much!

No wonder you are so shaky. 

Angel...please make sure you are taking care of yourself too. It is good to hear that you are going to continue Contra and STFC while Chinless is away. Enjoy the Chinless-free time...and try your best to reset your brain. I am sure it is all scrambled up with all sorts of different emotions right now. 

I am so sorry.


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## SCsweety81

You deserve to vent, Angel.

It's tough being the only adult. It's more tough to be the only one feeling any repercussions for someone else's actions.

Stay strong, lady. Know that you are an amazing woman.


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## unsure78

vent away angel...hugs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## abandonmentissues

Could've wrote some of that myself. 

I really don't think there is such a thing as karma.


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## muskrat

Karma? We may not see it, but one day we will all have to answer to a higher power. He will judge us on how we lived our lives and our actions. It is not up to us to judge, God will judge us all and we must all answer for our sins.

While we are here however it is difficult to watch some people suffer no consequinces for the pain and destruction they create.


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## 06Daddio08

muskrat said:


> Karma? We may not see it, but one day we will all have to answer to a higher power. He will judge us on how we lived our lives and our actions. It is not up to us to judge, God will judge us all and we must all answer for our sins.
> 
> While we are here however it is difficult to watch some people suffer no consequinces for the pain and destruction they create.


Your perception of those around you and the world will cloud your head for the days to come until you change it.

Happiness can never be claimed while ones perception is jaded.


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## angelpixie

Yes. I know I have to make my own happiness and ignore what is happening with him. Difficult to do when they are still so intertwined (via DS). But, I'm trying.

Got an email telling DS he arrived safely. I replied that he should Skype with DS while French tart bff is watching him til I'm done with STFC tonight. It will be DS' bedtime by the time we get home and I'm not having him stay up all hours to coordinate with Chinless. I know the tart must have Skype to communicate with her family back in France. That way, no involvement by me, and DS still gets to communicate with his dad. Win/win.

Led the class discussion today, and it went swimmingly. We all agreed with each other and disagreed with the instructor on the same things, so we're all considering that a success, lol.  But he gets revenge by making us listen to him droning through his videos. :\

Note to self: Don't wear a light-blue angora cardigan over a navy cashmere turtleneck. Unless you plan on wearing them both all day. Major fuzz issue. 

Feeling better today, so far. :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

Just as I'm getting comfortable with the idea that I may be somewhat of an introvert, I'm also being pushed outside of my comfort zone yet again. Tonight at STFC, my teacher started working with me so that I can substitute teach for her. 

O.M.G.

Another one of those 'If you told me a year ago I'd be doing this, I'd have laughed you out of the room' moments. I'm so scared sh!tless that I'll actually have to do it sometime. She's so outgoing and crazy. I can be that way with people I know and am comfortable with. I just don't see myself standing in front of a bunch of strange women (or worse, some that I know) yelling over loud music and telling them how to ... well, you know, striptease fitness. 

Holy crap. I can talked into quite a few things, can't I. I may have to examine this. It may be a good thing or a bad thing.


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## Lifescript

I know I'm late bit I'm glad you feeling better today Angel. I know what it feels like to have to carry all the weight on your shoulders. One does it and soldiers on but there are days were the load feels so heavy. You are a great woman. Never forget it. 

((Hugs))
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ikaika

I am sorry Angel I am so late to join your blog... My heart breaks reading so many of these accounts of lives that are true valuable jewels that someone misplaced. You are a jewel that is not tarnished or old but simply misplaced. One that will find a place in time. I know you will. 

I think most people would find it surprising that I am extremely introverted and yet from day to day I can stand up in front of 300 co-eds and lecture on the details of Human Anatomy and Physiology. Or present details at a conference to 100s of colleagues about my developmental biology research. Yet get me into a crowded party room, I don't often know what to say or how to act. Why I enjoy solo sports, swimming and running.


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## Mayers89

Thanks everybody.


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## cantmove

Angel, it's great that you're feeling a bit better. And I think it's awesome that you might sub in your class. Not only does she think you're good at it but she trusts you. It's a good thing to push out of your comfort zone. You'll be fine.


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## 2ntnuf

Good luck, angel. You are in a tough situation. I think you are doing so well. It's hard to step back and see it. Seems like STBXH takes a little too much advantage of you by using your love for DS against you.


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## Eternal Embrace

AP - I've read you thread from start to finish and it amazes and inspires me what a strong woman and totally awesome mom you are! :smthumbup:

I, too, am like you in the introvert sense. I have eral trouble putting myself out there and seem like a really shy chick to those who don't know me while those who do know me can attest that I am a crazy, no holds barred loud mouth!

It's something I'm trying to work on - stepping outside my comfort zone and I imagine that it'll take time.

But look at you - a striptease class!!!??? How freakin' awesome to be a part of that!!! I wish I had the guts to do something like that and maybe one day I will - so don't be too hard on yourself! Be proud of how far you have come and the fact that the teacher has so much trust ad pride in you to entrust her with your class!!!

I did try roller derby for a month which was awesome... till I seriously broke the bone and tore all the ligaments in one of my elbows so it's back to baby steps for me!


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## angelpixie

From the 'Out of the mouths of babes...' Department:

We are listening to a story on NPR this morning where someone is talking about attention spans among young people and wondering about how deeply they can absorb things and learn when in an hour, they are reading, watching a program, etc., etc., and checking Facebook 6 times in that hour.

DS says, 'Wait a minute. Dad checks Facebook six times an hour.' 

I said, 'Yeah...?'

He says, with the expression of someone's who's had an a-ha moment, 'Dad is acting like a teenager!'

Damn, I have a smart kid.


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## 2ntnuf

Kinda gives you a nice feeling doesn't it? Proof you are a good mom, I say.


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## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> From the 'Out of the mouths of babes...' Department:
> 
> We are listening to a story on NPR this morning where someone is talking about attention spans among young people and wondering about how deeply they can absorb things and learn when in an hour, they are reading, watching a program, etc., etc., and checking Facebook 6 times in that hour.
> 
> DS says, 'Wait a minute. Dad checks Facebook six times an hour.'
> 
> I said, 'Yeah...?'
> 
> He says, with the expression of someone's who's had an a-ha moment, 'Dad is acting like a teenager!'
> 
> Damn, I have a smart kid.


When I told D that Tosspot had move his girlfriend in she said 'does he need help with the rent''
Bwahahahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78

Dolly hows is you "stress relief" going?


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## Dollystanford

unsure78 said:


> Dolly hows is you "stress relief" going?


:smthumbup:

It *is* like riding a bike 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Matt1720

or mounting a couch?


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## jpr

oh jeez, Matt.........


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## angelpixie

Trying to get Chinless to give me a more definite time of when he wants to skype with DS today. The Y called yesterday with free (reg. $12) tickets for us to go to a community sing-along with the Wizard of Oz at our big downtown historic movie theater this afternoon. I'm taking him to ihop for his free birthday breakfast now, and I need to take him to the public library in between. Chinless wanted to skype this morning. Well, he's running out of time, and he's not answering my emails. I told him my plans for the day. I am not running home and disrupting our lives for him. It's not my fault that there's an 8-hour time difference. Grrr... I'm not keeping his son away from him, we just have our own lives, too.


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## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Trying to get Chinless to give me a more definite time of when he wants to skype with DS today. The Y called yesterday with free (reg. $12) tickets for us to go to a community sing-along with the Wizard of Oz at our big downtown historic movie theater this afternoon. I'm taking him to ihop for his free birthday breakfast now, and I need to take him to the public library in between. Chinless wanted to skype this morning. Well, he's running out of time, and he's not answering my emails. I told him my plans for the day. I am not running home and disrupting our lives for him. It's not my fault that there's an 8-hour time difference. Grrr... I'm not keeping his son away from him, we just have our own lives, too.


If you communicated to him the times your son was available that's all you can do, right?

If you've asked for a response and haven't received one....will just have to reschedule if chinless isn't available. If he wants to Skype bad enough, he will make the time. 

Go have fun and enjoy tine with your son, in the present. I mean you have him with you there physically. Not through a Skype session on a computer...enjoy every moment of it.


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## jpr

Angel...I agree with VI_Bride04...

I think that Chinless is the type of person that just needs to suffer the consequences of his rudeness before he learns. 

You shouldn't have to rearrange your life and your son's life just so that Chinless can Skype with your son.

...just make a set time period and stick to it. Maybe allow him a 30 minute window or something. If he is late, then oh well. You are not depriving your son of "time" with his dad--Chinless is choosing to not make himself readily available.

Don't let Chinless have control over you like this.

You can make the rules, Angel.


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## angelpixie

So when we returned from the show, there was an email hrom stbxh telling me to text the trampire's number as soon as we got back. I did, but we never did hear back. Supposedly, he didn't have access to his email to see the messages I sent about our schedule before then. So how was he supposed to be able to skype? We just went about our day, and I kept checking for an email or txt, but got nothing. DS knows chinless skyped with the trampire from here, so i have to wonder if he will buy whatever excuse chinless gives him for why he couldn't find more than five minutes since he got there to contact him. This doesn't really surprise me, but it makes me furious. DS deserves better than this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jh52

AP:

Your DS does deserve better -- but I am so happy that you are his mom -- because no matter how big of an ASS his father is -- he has one of the BEST mothers on this planet from all the things I have read.

Always remember this !!


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## Ikaika

jh52 said:


> AP:
> 
> You DS does deserve better -- but I am so happy that you are his mom -- because no matter how big of an ASS his father is -- he has one of the BEST mothers on this planet from all the things I have read.
> 
> Always remember this !!


Agree 100%


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## angelpixie

Thanks, guys, but I am far, far, far from the best mom. I just love DS. He's a great kid. We had a fun time at the sing-along. We ran into his best friend and his parents and all sat together. DS was supposed to be at their house last night for a sleepover, but the mom was sick and canceled it on Thursday. She felt better by today. We'd already decided to go trick-or-treating together, so we were discussing that. She knows Chinless is in France now, and that I'll have DS for three weeks straight. I mentioned that I did have a couple times to some things for myself, but I was looking for someone to watch DS so I could go to contra next Saturday. She was so sweet, and said they'd have the boys' postponed sleepover on Saturday night instead of Friday night so that I could go to contra and wouldn't have to find someone to watch DS for me. I thought that was so super sweet of them! I didn't want to ask Chinless' bff, but I didn't know who else to ask. Now I don't even have to. 

Another fun reason to go out on Halloween with them -- neither boy knew what the other was going to be, but then found out they are going to actually coordinate with each other perfectly. I hope I can get the costume done. The weather cooperated just long enough to get the major spray painting done outside after the show. I should juuuuust make it by Wednesday night.  (And I can't believe I was going to try to make one of these for me, too. Oy!)


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## Ikaika

Angel

Don't sell yourself short as a mom. I wish I was as good a dad to my two munchkins... Sounds like Halloween will be fun. Please post pics of your little ghoul or goblin.


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## jh52

AP:

I agree with Drerio. Don't sell yourself short. 

All you have to do is read some of the POSTS on TAM to realize that some kids have bad mothers and bad fathers.

Just watch the news -- if you dare -- and there is always some crap on TV about some poor children.

Being a Mother is the toughest job in the world --- and you are far exceeding in that role.

So -- please, don't sell yourself short.


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## angelpixie

Woke up to email from Chinless -- 'Call this number as soon as he wakes up!' So, I unhook the speakers, hook up the webcam mike/ear-thingy. Then I thought call with what? My phone? Skype? So, I texted the number and asked. No reply after 1/2 hour. They're supposed to be waiting to hear from us, right? So, I dialed the number, and gave the phone to DS, thinking he just wanted to talk on the phone. It rings and goes to voicemail! DS makes excuses (it's her phone number) -- she forgot her phone, they are busy and can't hear it, etc. THAT made me mad. I did everything yesterday while keeping an eye on my email and phone for messages from him so DS could communicate with him. The least he could do is make sure they were able to get the calls they asked for. So, DS left a message. Few minutes later I get a text from the prepaid he bought telling me to 'try again' -- TRY WHAT - text or call?!? Answer my frigging question, already!! So, DS tries calling again, and this time he actually answers. They talked for barely 5 minutes and DS hung up before I could have him ask about how to do the skype thing and if he was getting the texts I sent. DS immediately called back...and it went to voicemail again. I give up. This just better not be charging me international rates somehow or I will be MEGA-pissed, and he will be reimbursing me every penny. I do not want to incur ANY expenses based on his trip.


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## angelpixie

This was going around FB yesterday amongst all my friends who also took their kids to the big sing-along yesterday:










:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Dollystanford

Why the hell are YOU having to make all the effort Angelface? He can work out what time it is from over there right? So why can't he just call his own son, it's France not fricking Outer Mongolia! Talk about paying lip service - if he wanted to make the effort he would have. What a chinless tool he is - he needs to admit that actually he'd rather forget about his son for the duration of the trip and just pick up again when he's back, cos that's how it works right? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jh52

Dollystanford said:


> Why the hell are YOU having to make all the effort Angelface? He can work out what time it is from over there right? So why can't he just call his own son, it's France not fricking Outer Mongolia! Talk about paying lip service - if he wanted to make the effort he would have. What a chinless tool he is - he needs to admit that actually he'd rather forget about his son for the duration of the trip and just pick up again when he's back, cos that's how it works right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## jpr

I agree with Dolly.

You are putting in all the work here. You are making it so easy for Chinless to be a half-way decent dad and communicate with his son---yet, he is failing.

This is on him.

His true colors are showing. 

You should not feel like you need to make so many accommodations for him. 


Dolly is such a wise owl. ...listen to her words.


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## angelpixie

I know exactly what you mean. Especially when Iknow they can somehow figure it out when he's skyping with the trampire. But I'm held to a different standard because I'm the jealous ex, right? I was already 2nd choice to watch my own son because I asked for part of DS' benefit and French bff didn't (doesn't need it). If I don'tbend over backwards, I 'm portrayed as impeding. Nobody else knows how hard I've worked to facilitate this. You are right, Dolly. I wish he just had the balls to be honest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ikaika

So sorry for your kiddo... Breaks my heart :'(


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## angelpixie

Well, the part of the costume I spray painted yesterday afternoon made it OK. I'd left it out to dry as much as possible before putting it in the garage. At one point while I was making dinner I happened to glance out the window and saw that the street was slick. Oh, crap, the cardboard!! So I ran outside and, luckily, what little rain had fallen just beaded up on the multiple layers of paint. I checked the boxes this morning, and they are indeed OK. Whew!!! After lunch -- more construction!


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## jh52

angelpixie said:


> Well, the part of the costume I spray painted yesterday afternoon made it OK. I'd left it out to dry as much as possible before putting it in the garage. At one point while I was making dinner I happened to glance out the window and saw that the street was slick. Oh, crap, the cardboard!! So I ran outside and, luckily, what little rain had fallen just beaded up on the multiple layers of paint. I checked the boxes this morning, and they are indeed OK. Whew!!! After lunch -- more construction!


I thought you were going to say -- the street was slick and I ran outside and fell right on my ass. 

Glad costume is okay.


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## jpr

I can.not.wait to see this costume!

Pleeeease post pictures when it is done.


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## Ikaika

jpr said:


> I can.not.wait to see this costume!
> 
> Pleeeease post pictures when it is done.


Pictures pictures pictures!!!!!!!


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## unsure78

yes we are all eagerly waiting 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

I'm afraid you're all going to be disappointed.  There are a couple things I had to change due to time, and I had a he11 of a time finding an adhesive that would work for part of it (glue gun, ftw!), but DS is really happy with it so far, and I think I'll make it. And luckily, Wednesday is supposed to be our only rain-free day and night of the week. Keeping my fingers crossed!!


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## Ikaika

As long as DS is not disappointed, we won't be disappointed... So much fun. What a great mom you are. Wish you were my mom growing up. He lucky little guy.


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## angelpixie

I'm also starting to realize how much I really enjoy not dealing with STBXH at all throughout the day. I know he's not going to call at night (or I'll have to have DS call him), we won't be emailing about the 'off' parent seeing DS for a little while each day. I don't resent his contact with DS, and dealing with him is the price I pay for being able to see DS most every day (and it's worth it, of course), but I just see how much stress dealing with him and his personality brings into my personal life. 

It also makes me wonder if my suspicions about the future might be accurate. He still speaks at times of wanting his Ph.D., which he can't get here. If he were to go away to another state, I know his contact with DS will get less and less frequent. Throw in whatever iteration of Trampire he's on by then, too. I think this trip shows that the writing is on the wall.


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## 2ntnuf

You are waaay to good to STBXH. Just sayin'.


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## angelpixie

Another rainy day. Sigh. Hoping all of my friends on the East Coast are safe. ((hugs))


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## angelpixie

While posting on another TAM'ers thread, I realized that tomorrow is the anniversary of the first ILYBINILWY speech. I'd almost forgotten. I was doing the same thing then as I'm doing now -- scrambling to finish DS' Halloween costume, working on treats and decorating. He was supposed to go to a friend's house later that day so I had to finish things up. 

STBXH woke me up at 7 a.m. because of his 'realization' -- that his unhappiness was caused by me. At that point, he said he 'realized' he was not sure if he'd ever loved me. All of this supposedly occurred to him overnight, and he was just bursting to tell me and couldn't wait for me to wake up on my own. Needless to say, I was rather...stunned? We talked for a couple of hours, and I felt a combination of betrayal, hurt, anger, and finally numbness. I admitted even then that there was a tiny part of my mind telling me to let go, not to fight him, not to fight for our marriage because I'd been so unhappy at how he'd treated me for so long. That surprised him. I asked then if he was done; if he'd wanted a divorce. He said he didn't know, and by the next night, after numbly going through getting DS' costume finished Saturday and trick or treating on Sunday, while we were in bed, he held me, looked in my eyes and said he really did love me and really did want to try. 

That had been such a surreal day. I remember that numbness. Trying to stay happy and excited for Halloween for DS' sake (who was totally unaware of what was going on between STBXH and me), STBXH getting a costume together and going out with friends (me staying home, of course), and feeling this sort of floating through everything. When we were walking around the neighborhood together with DS, I added a few silly accessories to what I was wearing, I concentrated on DS and I had a good time with him. STBXH was taking photos and mentioned later how happy and relaxed I'd looked. It was true. I saw those photos, and you'd never know what was happening in the background. I think it was the very tiny seed taking root of that freedom I was to feel later. I lost it for months again when I was fighting for our relationship, but eventually, when I let go of worrying about him leaving me, I did feel a freedom. For the first time in years, I didn't have to be scared of him leaving me for someone else, based on his actions. I no longer was told by him to doubt my feelings and perceptions. He was finally honest. It was indeed happening, and it had been inevitable. I didn't have to worry about doing things 'wrong' and 'causing' him to leave me. I might as well be me -- he was leaving anyway. 

All that happened later was a really long, painful detaching process. Learning as much about myself as about us as a couple. That process is still going on. It was very difficult to let go of that dream. There are still a lot of answers I don't have, and probably never will. I do know now that he realization didn't happen overnight. As early as a month before, he'd used stress with our marriage as an excuse for not getting class work done on time. This was way before he told ME there were issues that serious. *I* had emails and texts from during that time which painted a very different picture from what he was telling everyone else. But it proved (again) that he wasn't beyond lying and using things to gain sympathy from others, even very personal things like our marriage. He very likely _was_ considering a permanent split even then, but was just waiting until he was a little more sure of himself and a back-up plan for when I wasn't there to take care of things in his life for him. Even though he dangled MC in front of me as something he was willing to try, it was probably never true, as proven by all the myriad excuses he had for not doing it. 

Even after all this time and all this analysis, I still have very few absolutes. I know I'll never regret marrying him, since DS is very much a combination of the two of us. I still think the problems between us could have been worked out with a lot of effort and commitment, which would have left us happier individually together and as a couple. Other people have done it, and have dealt with far worse. Did we ever love each other? For a while, as best we could with the baggage we brought with us. Things like mental and physical illness played a big part in our relationship. Basic personality differences, and possible disordered traits in both of us exacerbated those things, and probably broke us apart on one hand and kept us together on the other. 

This is not to excuse his EAs, or any emotional/psychological abuse. My background conditioning allowed me to stay in spite of those things; set me up to take the blame as he was more than happy to give me. I do take responsibility for my part in the death of our relationship. There are a lot of things I'd do differently if given the chance. I know I have learned so much since then about what a healthy relationship looks like (romantic and non-), and I won't settle for something like what we had. I don't want another relationship where fear is such a constant. Once I start feeling afraid of being myself or that I'm dismissed as a lesser person, I will know it's time to go.


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## 2ntnuf

So sad AP. You are doing well. I hope you continue moving forward.


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## unsure78

As these "first" anniversaries happen its hard because it makes you think of the pain you were in at the time. I have to believe that it gets better with time and try to remind yourself how much happier you really are with out them.


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## angelpixie

Actually this is my 2nd. But because a lot of our anniversaries are near holidays, it's hard not to have them come to mind. Still, I can see a lot of differences between even last year and speech day. I just had really hoped it would have all been over and resolved by now. That was the plan anyway.  

With him actually on a different continent this year, and officially with someone else, maybe it just makes his absence much more noticeable. And not in a bad way.


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## Ikaika

Angel,

I suggest you treat yourself to something extravagant tomorrow, and build a new anniversary. Hold your head up... the way you conduct yourself and help so many others here on TAM while you are still going through this trial, makes you a hero in my eyes. 

Do something crazy (but be safe at it... we want you back here) tomorrow and make a new memory  Hey learn how to play the bass and by next year you can post your own youtube video. We will see Angel on stage looking like - 

Rhonda Smith Plays Mesa Boogie - YouTube

Take Care.


----------



## angelpixie

Another day has gone by in France, and no contact from Chinless to his son. So, since he left Wednesday morning, there have been 2 5-minute phone calls, and 2 very short emails. No skyping. Even with the time difference, he could send an email that he knows DS will get when he gets home from school each day. There's no justifiable excuse for this. Arsehole.


----------



## jpr

Yeah....definitely. 


The most aggravating thing about it is knowing that he can make to Skype with his Trampire...but he can't make time to Skype with his own son.

But, Angel, you have no control over him. You can't make him be a good dad, and you certainly can't make him be decent human being. You tried for years.

He is what he is... and he is a completely and utter selfish, self-absorbed, self-important [email protected]


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Another day has gone by in France, and no contact from Chinless to his son. So, since he left Wednesday morning, there have been 2 5-minute phone calls, and 2 very short emails. No skyping. Even with the time difference, he could send an email that he knows DS will get when he gets home from school each day. There's no justifiable excuse for this. Arsehole.


God, I want cry... I took a trip (research collaboration) to Washington University in St. Louis for a week recently... Called my boys every afternoon. :'(


----------



## angelpixie

Drerio -- that's because you _truly_ love your sons, and think of them as individuals, not some weird extension of yourself. They are people who you missed and whose feelings you considered. That's the kind of father I thought STBXH was going to be, since he wanted so much to be different from his own dad. And in many, many ways, he is better. But when it comes to his desire to be adored, he will put a woman ahead of his son. I see that now. 

The world needs more dads like you, drerio.


----------



## abandonmentissues

That really sucks AP.

He is awful.




D-bag hasn't called to check on his baby either...and we are on a blizzard warning and state of emergency due to the storm.


----------



## Ikaika

Don't get me wrong, I am far from perfect... But just love them like my parents never did for me...

The other day I kissed my wife in front of my 11 year old. Response "yuck". Then today... Same boy, dad you didn't kiss mom goodbye  go figure.


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> Drerio -- that's because you _truly_ love your sons, and think of them as individuals, *not some weird extension of yourself. They are people who you missed and whose feelings you considered. *That's the kind of father I thought STBXH was going to be, since he wanted so much to be different from his own dad. And in many, many ways, he is better. *But when it comes to his desire to be adored, he will put a woman ahead of his son. *I see that now.
> 
> The world needs more dads like you, drerio.


Gosh. Sasquatch and Chinless are so similar in this way.

You hit the nail on the head, Angel.

Sasquatch could easily cancel his class on Halloween. His class is from 7-10pm. ...but, he won't cancel the class that night, because he thinks that everyone should put their "work" before their family. (...he views it as a sacrifice that all good grad students should make..). He is such an arsehole--he even scheduled a test on Halloween night! 

He has a couple of moms in his class too...so, they have to miss taking their kids out on Halloween just so that they can come in and take a test for Dr. Sasquatch.

jerk. 

...in fact, he was going to stop by and help our son get ready for Halloween and trick-or-treating...but, now he is back-peddling and saying that he might not have enough 'time'. 

argh.


----------



## angelpixie

I'm sure the world of academe owes him a debt of gratitude.  How noble of him.


----------



## Matt1720

fuggin grinch that stole halloween!


----------



## angelpixie

abandonmentissues said:


> That really sucks AP.
> 
> He is awful.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> D-bag hasn't called to check on his baby either...and we are on a blizzard warning and state of emergency due to the storm.



Oh, I hope you and baby are doing OK, AI!! Stay safe and warm. ((hugs))


----------



## Ikaika

Well that is my profession, but that is all that it is... It's not the profession it is the man... I want see costume pics

Oldest son of mine - red angry bird
Youngest - local food item here, "spam musubi"


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## angelpixie

You have to post pics, too! Everybody should. I want to see Unsure and her son as batman and batgirl, too!


----------



## Matt1720

spam musubi is delicious yo


----------



## Ikaika

For those that don't know










I will take a pic and let you decide if he looks like this... My wife sewed it.


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> I'm sure the world of academe owes him a debt of gratitude.  How noble of him.


I know. He has such an important job. ....his recent research involves studying risky sex habits of college freshmen. 

He is saving the world, isn't he? 

Such an important man!


----------



## Ikaika

jpr said:


> I know. He has such an important job. ....his recent research involves studying risky sex habits of college freshmen.
> 
> He is saving the world, isn't he?
> 
> Such an important man!


Yikes... And I have to fight to get fed dollars to do research on Coffin Lowry syndrome. Not surprising.


----------



## Ikaika

This goes out to Angel and jpr,

Hope you guys find sunshine. From one of my favorite female bass players. This woman can play 

http://youtu.be/Td-vybSudfc


----------



## angelpixie

OK -- I couldn't wait. He will not be going outside in bare feet, lol, but here's the costume:



















The 'legs' are actually two separate pieces that strap on on the inside with velcro. That way, he can actually sit in the car, lol. The 'hands' are foam can coolers I happened to find on clearance at Joann's yesterday. Several coats of paint and a hole cut in them later, and you have Lego hands.  The 'torso' has velcro to hold the shoulders down so that it's easier for him to get it on and off. The only part I was really disappointed in was the sleeves. I sprayed those babies 3 times, but the fabric just soaked up the color like a sponge.  The head gave me fits. It's a cage made up of styrofoam and bamboo skewers, lol, then covered with paper. the face is the actual Lego expression of Han Solo, and the eyes and mouth are covered with black mesh so he can see and breathe. DS really likes it, and I'm pretty happy with it, too.


----------



## that_girl

OMG! :rofl: I LOVE THAT!!! Great job!!


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> OK -- I couldn't wait. He will not be going outside in bare feet, lol, but here's the costume:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The 'legs' are actually two separate pieces that strap on on the inside with velcro. That way, he can actually sit in the car, lol. The 'hands' are foam can coolers I happened to find on clearance at Joann's yesterday. Several coats of paint and a hole cut in them later, and you have Lego hands.  The 'torso' has velcro to hold the shoulders down so that it's easier for him to get it on and off. The only part I was really disappointed in was the sleeves. I sprayed those babies 3 times, but the fabric just soaked up the color like a sponge.  The head gave me fits. It's a cage made up of styrofoam and bamboo skewers, lol, then covered with paper. the face is the actual Lego expression of Han Solo, and the eyes and mouth are covered with black mesh so he can see and breathe. DS really likes it, and I'm pretty happy with it, too.


Your son is one lucky boy to have a mom like you !!:smthumbup:


----------



## Matt1720

holy sh1ttlestix! that is amazing. i'd feel like such the coolest kid wearing that! that and loved by my mom a lot


----------



## SeaShellz

That is beyond amazing!


----------



## Matt1720

omg, not only that, its totally built for comfort and for him to show off all night

i cant take it...too cute


----------



## Ikaika

Awesome costume


----------



## Lon

Angel I love it! Can I send you my custom order for next year yet? Not sure what I want, but the possibilities just opened up...


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Lon, but DS is already trying to decide what I should make next year. I'm afraid I may have set myself up. 

The funny thing is that DS' best friend didn't know what DS was going to be, and decided to be a Lego brick. His mom invited us to go trick or treating with them, so they'll go together perfectly! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Thanks for the vote of confidence, Lon, but DS is already trying to decide what I should make next year. I'm afraid I may have set myself up.
> 
> The funny thing is that DS' best friend didn't know what DS was going to be, and decided to be a Lego brick. His mom invited us to go trick or treating with them, so they'll go together perfectly!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Angel you are the best mom... I wish you were my mom growing up  sorry... I got off track. You guys have fun. Makes me feel so warm.


----------



## Nsweet

That..... is...... AWESOME!!!!!

Please enter this into as many Halloween costume contests online as you can! 

You need to get yourself hired to make wardrobes and costumes for plays. Make a name for yourself and go from there like the woman who created her own brand of face makeup for costumes and sporting events but became a millionaire when the armed forces hired her to make cammo face paint. She did all of this right after her husband left her and she sure showed him.


----------



## Wingard64

nice find....


----------



## Matt1720

is he supposed to be a lego stephen harper???


----------



## Matt1720

please say yes


----------



## angelpixie

Ha! That's hilarious. I was actually going to make clay hair, but I didn't have time for it to dry. It probably would have come out looking something like that, lol.


----------



## Nsweet

Keep the costume and you can use it as a template next year. Make all sorts of hair pieces and accessories others would want to buy to be their own personalized lego man.


----------



## Matt1720

take all the measurements and make a materials list too!


----------



## Lon

Matt, is that cause there is a maple leaf behind him?? I was wondering why angel's DS would have our flag on the wall...


----------



## angelpixie

I was wondering if any of you would notice that, lol. a while ago, for something different, ds and i had canada night. i made poutine and nanaimo bars, we drank canada dry ginger ale, lol, and watched 'due south'. ds made a canadian flag for decor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

AP I'm from Nanaimo... and everyone always asks if that's where nanaimo bars come from - why else would they be called nanaimo bars? duh!


----------



## Dollystanford

god Angel you are so creative - I suck at anything like this, now you made me feel inadequate ha ha


----------



## cantmove

Amazing costume Angel. You rock. I used to put lots of effort into my sons costumes because I hate the store bought ones. I never made one that turned out that well. He must be so excited.


----------



## jpr

Angel...that is just incredible.

Your son is soooooo lucky to have a mom like you! You worked so hard on that costume. ...and it is the coolest thing! 

Wow.

...and Canada Night?! Awesome! You are so incredibly creative!


----------



## vi_bride04

That has got to be the best homemade Halloween costume ever. I think whoever suggested you start doing this stuff on a more professional level is onto something!!

I am just amazed at your creativity. Great job, and like everyone else says, he does have an awesome mom!


----------



## unsure78

WOW Angel that's amazing! You are the coolest and most creative mom ever..


----------



## angelpixie

I realized something just now. When I was assembling DS' costume last night and seeing it come together for the first time, I just started laughing out loud. DS got a little worried, lol, but then he said 'You know, Mom, you haven't laughed out loud like that in a long time.' That makes me feel bad. 

I am feeling more confident today. I thought for sure I'd be pulling an all-nighter tonight. Instead, I'm done, and I'll be making cookies (again this week, lol) after work and before group tonight. This time for DS' party tomorrow. Pumpkin is carved, decorations put up. All on my own. No help from Chinless. I hope I can keep it up.


----------



## Ikaika

Out of the mouth of babes... I am so glad you can laugh  

Just have to hope weather holds out for you guys.


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> I realized something just now. When I was assembling DS' costume last night and seeing it come together for the first time, I just started laughing out loud. DS got a little worried, lol, but then he said 'You know, Mom, you haven't laughed out loud like that in a long time.' That makes me feel bad.
> 
> I am feeling more confident today. I thought for sure I'd be pulling an all-nighter tonight. Instead, I'm done, and I'll be making cookies (again this week, lol) after work and before group tonight. This time for DS' party tomorrow. Pumpkin is carved, decorations put up. All on my own. No help from Chinless. I hope I can keep it up.


Good to hear. Its times like these I wish I had a child to keep me involved in the fun activities of holidays. Its easy to fall into seclusion and depression when you have no real responsibilities. Anyway that costume is awesome!! You are a very creative and gifted women. Hope everything goes great for Halloween!


----------



## [email protected]

Angel, that costume is amazing!! Please send a picture to Lego - I'm sure they will be well impressed..

I definately see you in a more creative job... :scratchhead: start online & get to mogul level in the next 5 years.. the world is your lobster (Im not keen on oysters )


----------



## Nsweet

If you could teach your son to do the robot and got it on video I'd die laughing. I would be just like the stop animation videos on youtube.

Btw Angel, you're an awesome mom.


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## jpr

Yes! ro.bots!


----------



## muskrat

That is one awesome costume!!!!!
makes me feel guilty for just ordering costumes online.

AP you are one smart and creative woman! What the heck was/is chinless thinking?


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## angelpixie

Well, whoop-de-do, DS finally got an email from Chinless.







Came while we were at the Y. About six short sentences. Talked all about the snow we got. Last week. Which, if he'd been keeping up with his son, he'd know only lasted about a day. He's talking about going sledding when he gets back. F-tard.


----------



## jh52

angelpixie said:


> Well, whoop-de-do, DS finally got an email from Chinless.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Came while we were at the Y. About six short sentences. Talked all about the snow we got. Last week. Which, if he'd been keeping up with his son, he'd know only lasted about a day. He's talking about going sledding when he gets back. F-tard.


What a sorry "human being" to be called a dad. Very sad IMO.


----------



## Nsweet

So it's true what they say. Only really borring people talk about the weather and NOTHING ELSE.


----------



## Ikaika

jh52 said:


> What a sorry "human being" to be called a dad. Very sad IMO.


Agree.


----------



## Nsweet

You know I think our little Angel has passed Chinless in the tortoise and hair race of the affair. She's making badass costumes and enjoying new happier life and he's........ probably looking at himself and going "WTF was I thinking!?". But hey, he got what he asked for, a controlling woman who's turned him into a complete tool.


----------



## Ikaika

Angel

It hurts to hear... I know it does not sound manly, but I'm tearing up for your son. Wow. Email like that is what you send to a colleague not flesh and blood :'(


----------



## angelpixie

He did send DS his love, but didn't even say he missed DS. That really struck me. Like you, drerio, I would be contacting my son every day, even if it was a text on my phone, or if I had to go someplace to access the web. but like dolly said, this is France, not the Third World. Come to think of it, I got an email, too, telling me that he hasn't heard from his program or the bank. That means he also got in contact with French bff, who is picking up his mail. Interesting.

He also didn't mention a thing about Halloween tomorrow, wishing DS a good time, etc. Just NOT the kind of email to send to a 10 yr old son you love and miss.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Btw, angel showed my sons the costume you made and they ran to my wife (their mom) asked if she could make that next year


----------



## Dollystanford

Nsweet said:


> So it's true what they say. Only really borring people talk about the weather and NOTHING ELSE.


Perhaps Chinless is turning...British?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

geeze Angel what selfish jerk... can i kick him in the nuts when he gets back? oh wait he doesn't have any...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that this is only a preview of what's to come. At some point I will be on my own with DS. Realistically, it would be damned hard. With no family around to help, it would pretty much end any kind of personal life I have. But if Chinless is going to be a selfish sh!tty parent, would it be better or worse on DS to not have him around?


----------



## Ikaika

Personal experience: tell chinless you don't want DS chasing ghost his whole life. Take Care Angel.


----------



## angelpixie

Got a text from Chinless 20 min ago asking DS to call him. Hello? DS left for school over an hour and 15 min before your text. So even if you were an hour off, you missed him. Google the time zones, will you? I just texted back that he was in school (so that Chinless doesn't think I'm keeping them apart), and what the actual time is here. 

He did wish him a Happy Halloween.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Got a text from Chinless 20 min ago asking DS to call him. Hello? DS left for school over an hour and 15 min before your text. So even if you were an hour off, you missed him. Google the time zones, will you? I just texted back that he was in school (*so that Chinless doesn't think I'm keeping them apart*), and what the actual time is here.
> 
> He did wish him a Happy Halloween.


He will think that regardless, no matter what you do.

Know why? B/c he is not responsible for HIS ACTIONS and always needs to blame others for his shortcomings. I have seen the side of the father who "blames" the ex for not seeing his kids. It doesn't matter what attempts are made by the ex, its always her fault. They think the few times they do see their child in is enough and they should be father of the year. 

You can try to keep contact up as much as you can between chinless and DS...but it will be exhausting as chinless will never put in the effort himself and it will be YOU constantly grasping for straws for DS. 

If you step back and allow chinless to "attempt" to step up to the plate as a father, you won't be wasting precious energy that you could be putting into yourself or time with your son.


----------



## angelpixie

Please make sure you all take photos of you and your kids! I just love seeing little kids (and big kids  ) in costumes. 

We're having the University child care classes come to the library for trick or treating in a little while. A highlight for us every year. Nothing like little dressed-up preschoolers.


----------



## angelpixie

Nailed down the trick-or-treat plans for tonight. Going to our mall with the Y friends, then meeting up with DS best friend afterwards to hit his neighborhood (complete with haunted house). Score!


----------



## Dollystanford

I had to have a conversation with D's biological father who drifted in and out of her life for the first couple of years when he felt like it. The general gist was 'either be a father or don't but if you're going to be one then act like one'

Neither of us ever heard from him again...


----------



## angelpixie

That just blows me away. How can a parent just walk away from someone who carries a part of them?! How can there not be a connection? I don't get it. 

D is lucky to have had such a good mum, Dolly. She knows you put her before Tosspot.


----------



## angelpixie

And now the rest of the library staff are 'trick or treating' from us.  Our department has the best treats.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> That just blows me away. How can a parent just walk away from someone who carries a part of them?! How can there not be a connection? I don't get it.


No idea, Angel, but it really makes me sick.

I have no parental instincts and never want to have kids. BUT abandoning your flesh and blood at such a critical time in their development like some of these men/women do...

IT JUST SICKENS ME!!! 

But then again, these are usually the same people that lie, betray, cheat and run away from everything in their lives....and its never their fault...always the 'other crazy people'


----------



## Ikaika

Some men assume being a dad is equivalent to only being a sperm donor. Is chinless going to show DS how to throw a curve ball? Is he going to help him with his homework when DS get frustrated? Is he going to rightfully discipline him to understand right from wrong? Is he going to be there before his first date to tell his son how to properly treat a lady? 

I can tell you if chinless does not appear enough is DS's life... his son will cry out for him (not literally) in actions that are not always the best. You know Angel, I speak of personal experience. Tell chinless he has responsibility to do right... and F his own personal lustful pleasures. If I were there, I would thump him on the forehead and let him know in not so pleasant terms what his obligations are. And, yes we all (even as adults) need out own sanctuary of relief, but never to forget our obligation. I do hope you get some sanctuary of hope in the future. You deserve it. 

He probably assumes he had a crappy life and that he is getting his now. Angel, you let him read my story, and tell him to stop on this sanctimonious and shallow greetings to his son. Actions, that is what he needs to start showing.


----------



## angelpixie

He has been a good dad as far as helping with homework and a lot of other things. But things have definitely changed since we split. He rarely had just father/son time once he started dating the Trampire, even when DS told him that it bothered him. Chinless is a firm believer (now that it's convenient) in 'kids will adjust'. His values on a lot of things have changed, what he's willing to accept in friends, etc. He told me he had been 'too judgemental.' No, he just had personal values that used to mean something to him. It's because of these changes that I worry about his future with DS.


----------



## cantmove

Dollystanford said:


> I had to have a conversation with D's biological father who drifted in and out of her life for the first couple of years when he felt like it. The general gist was 'either be a father or don't but if you're going to be one then act like one'
> 
> Neither of us ever heard from him again...


I will never understand things like that. How can you not want to be a part of your childs life? It's baffling:scratchhead:


----------



## Matt1720

I saw a depressing CNN photo gallery of books that are going out of library circulation due to not being checked out in 5 years and thought of you.

The library part, not the depressing part 

Although I'm pretty sure I haven't been checked out in 5 years also. Wait, thats not true


----------



## angelpixie

Matt1720 said:


> I saw a depressing CNN photo gallery of books that are going out of library circulation due to not being checked out in 5 years and thought of you.
> 
> The library part, not the depressing part
> 
> Although I'm pretty sure I haven't been checked out in 5 years also. Wait, thats not true


I do that, too, though I haven't photographed them. I love the quirky titles, especially the old sci fi and kids' science books. And the really awful old cookbooks from the 1950s and 60's with the unappetizing photography, lol.


----------



## Matt1720

angelpixie said:


> I do that, too, though I haven't photographed them. I love the quirky titles, especially the old sci fi and kids' science books. And the really awful old cookbooks from the 1950s and 60's with the unappetizing photography, lol.


Or the flat out unappetizing sounding recipes to begin with. Or the misogynistic "He'll love it when he gets home from the office/bar/voting for the both of you!"


----------



## angelpixie

well, chinless has redeemed himself somewhat. just called so he could wish ds happy halloween. sounds like he said he wished he could be here to see ds. he got another u.s. phone number that he called from, which is weird. he hasn't gotten the texts i've sent, either (to the trampire's phone) and yet, on his own phone, he got thru right away...hmmm...interesting...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> well, chinless has redeemed himself somewhat. just called so he could wish ds happy halloween. sounds like he said he wished he could be here to see ds. he got another u.s. phone number that he called from, which is weird. he hasn't gotten the texts i've sent, either (to the trampire's phone) and yet, on his own phone, he got thru right away...hmmm...interesting...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you are giving him too much credit. Redeem seems to be a bit strong word. Granted I don't know him, but I could think of a a lot more he could do to warrant any redemption title. Of course Angel, I'm not suggesting anything about your judgement other than I just think you are too nice and generous. You and DS deserve better. I do hope someday you find much much much better.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, here it is, Lego Man and his best friend, The Brick. Poor DS had to lose the legs after we left the mall because they were just a little too slow. But he had a wonderful time, and was quite the trooper. Random people kept wanting to get their photos taken with him at the mall, and our local TV station took a photo of him for their website. I think that made it a little easier for him to deal with walking stiff-legged, lol.


----------



## Ikaika

Angel,

Love it... my wife thought is was great. What a great mom


----------



## Matt1720

dang that kid loves orange


----------



## angelpixie

Matt1720 said:


> dang that kid loves orange


You have no idea, lol.


----------



## TBT

:smthumbup: Wow,looks so good Angel.You're such a good mom and so gosh darn talented! Glad you guys had a great time.


----------



## angelpixie

DS is having a he!! of a time getting up this morning. Candy hangover? lol


----------



## unsure78

ha ha so did mine he slept in till 7:40 he NEVER does that ( though he came into my room at 3am)


----------



## jpr

I used to play Legos Star Wars with Sasquatch all the time. I recognize the Hans Solo face.

Gosh! That picture just makes me smile....and knowing how much the other kids loves the color orange just cracks me up.


----------



## angelpixie

Pushed out of the comfort zone again. STFC tonight. Instructor was there and I wasn't the only student, so I thought, whew! I can just be a 'regular' student tonight. No such luck. I was the only person there who wasn't a newbie, so she was explaining everything from the very beginning. Part-way through, she turns to me and says "OK, you take over." Talk about deer in the headlights!! I told her I wasn't really prepared; could we do it another week. She didn't even change her expression and she just said "What should we do next? What would you do next?" So I had to teach part of the class. I think I did OK. They said they'd be back next week, so I didn't scare them off.  

When I went to pick DS up from Chinless' friend, she asked how it went and if I had to teach. She was under the impression (from DS, it turns out) that I was at contra on Thursday nights. So when he wasn't looking, I told her what it really was. She was more than a little surprised, but said she thought it was really cool. Yeah, I know that doesn't match what she saw of me when I was with Chinless and what I'll bet he's told all his friends about me, lol. 

So, it wasn't the end of the world. I still don't think I'm ready to take a whole class by myself, but I'll bet she'll be pushing me more until I am.


----------



## Ikaika

View attachment 1788
View attachment 1788
View attachment 1788


Angel you can do it. Yeh... come on girl, you can do it.


----------



## cantmove

Awesome, awesome, awesome!!!!!!! So proud of you. We all knew you could do it. If you can teach half a class, you can teach the whole thing.:smthumbup: 
We have two studios here in Mobile that teach it. You're inspiring me Angel.


----------



## Eternal Embrace

Good for you, girlie!!!

You should be super proud of yourself!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

Now wait a minute, go back to what you were saying about your stbxH wanting to spend time with your son. Wasn't it only a month or so ago that he was making plans to take his son Trick or Treating with YOU? You planned to share Halloween and Thanksgiving co-parenting. What do you think happened between then and now because I get the sense the OW is trying to isolate your stbxH from you and your son.

It's starting to make sense if you think about it. The somewhat-good father suddenly convinces himself your son doesn't need a daddy, so he makes excuses to bail and not see his son for a holiday you both planned on. BUT he contacts you anyways using strangely worded messages lacking emotional attachment. Hmmm, if I didn't know any better I'd say he's being held hostage and wrote that knowing the OW would be reading it.

To probe futher.... the way the OW tried to buddy up to your son really fast, the changes in your stbxH's appearance almost overnight when she finally had him, and his new values call into question what's really going on. It seems like he's being brainwashed and going along with whatever the OW tells him. I mean from the way you describe him, when you're not venting, he sounds to me like bit of a pushover which would explain a lot. 

The man lets her dress him up like a tool and won't let him see his family..... what part of this doesn't sound like a controlling emotionally abusive woman or dangerous cult? Up until a few months ago you told us he was planning to marry her and sort of rubbing that in your face. What are you willing to bet he's having second thoughts about that now?

Angel to be honest with you I don't think his affair is going to last another year. From everything you've shared, since I joined earlier this year, your stbxH went from a way-to-happy co-parenting WH (who rubbed the OW in your face), to a emotionally withdrawn alienating sorry SOB. He's either found the joys of detoxing from heroine...... or he's not as happy with his decisions as he used to be.

You on the other hand are doing a fantastic job as a single mother, and your 180 is going swimingly.


----------



## vi_bride04

Great post, Nsweet


----------



## Nsweet

Thanks,
I went home yesterday and rememered some things about that Chinless that sparked a few questios.:soapbox:

Plus it helped me work out a few things about affairs I think people need to be aware of..... What if the OW is a psycho b!tch and your H is being brainwashed?


----------



## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> Thanks,
> I went home yesterday and rememered some things about that Chinless that sparked a few questios.:soapbox:
> 
> Plus it helped me work out a few things about affairs I think people need to be aware of..... What if the OW is a psycho b!tch and your H is being brainwashed?


In my case, its his fault for not being strong enough to trust in himself...i mean he is engaged already and the divorce isn't final until Dec...


----------



## Nsweet

vi_bride04 said:


> In my case, its his fault for not being strong enough to trust in himself...i mean he is engaged already and the divorce isn't final until Dec...


Same with my ex, except she's "too fragile to ever get remarried" or whatever BS she's told me. 

Look, who's really the prize here. Is it....

A)The spouse who stayed up late worrying about ther so called better half spending countless hours here working on themself for the benefit of the marriage.

B)The spouse who went out chasing booty and emotional comfort from some ass kisser who couldn't give a flying f*ck about what real marriage means. 

C)The cheater who is either so naive they can't see they're relationship is built on lies or so mentially challeneged they need to be slapped with the 2x4 they're parents should have smacked them with in the first place. You don't take things that don't belong to you including lovers. I don't care what you keep telling yourself about how "it must work it has to......" affairs don't end in a romantic horseback ride into the sunset. They just don't, no relationship does.


Real hard decision here, but I'm going to go with the faithful spouse here. He/she may not be as pretty or handsome (after eating through a few emotions) but at least they have what employers and other faithful people are looking for, experience remaining faithful and committed to their word. 

I may not be a handsome prince charming but I never cheated on the wicked witch.


----------



## angelpixie

Went with DS to our Day of the Dead parade last night. I took my camera since I knew DS worked on the mandala in the park, but I decided to take pics of the parade, too. I had to ask myself why I'd never done that before. I realized that, with Chinless as the 'photographer' in the family, I just didn't even bother. Not that I would be able to do as well as he did, but what would have been wrong with doing it just to get myself familiar with cameras and how to take good photos? There were roles we fell into. I watched DS while he ran around taking photos. So many times, I watched DS while he did other stuff. So I tried to take photos last night. Most of them totally sucked, lol. Couldn't get my shutter speed low enough to capture the movement because the light was so dim. I know it will take practice, but it was fun to feel free to just try it. Not worrying about a 'pro' giving me the feeling that I should leave it to him. How else can I improve? 

There are some little things that remind me of why I like living in this town. During the parade, a float went by with some guys playing some blues, and the float had huge containers of cocoa on it. Two little girls on each side of the street went and handed out little cups of cocoa to the parade-goers. Why two girls? One handed out the cocoa, and the other followed behind with a little piping bag full of whipped cream to pipe on top (if you requested it, lol). That totally cracked me up. 

The lucky lady next to me got cocoa, a sugar skull from one local bakery, and a roll from another bakery. DS, on the other side of me, got cocoa and some (more) candy. What did I get? A squash. Yes, a group of local food enthusiasts went by and were handing out produce. A sweet little boy walked up to me and handed me a perfect little squash. 

It was a beautiful fall night.


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## angelpixie

Grrooooann!!! DS left 3 crayons in his pants pockets, and they melted all over a load of laundry.  Luckily it was my last load, and a smaller one, so there aren't a _ton_ of clothes that were damaged. I looked up online, and there are all kinds of concoctions to make at home to try to get it out. And I also have to clean the inside of my dryer. Crap.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Grrooooann!!! DS left 3 crayons in his pants pockets, and they melted all over a load of laundry.  Luckily it was my last load, and a smaller one, so there aren't a _ton_ of clothes that were damaged. I looked up online, and there are all kinds of concoctions to make at home to try to get it out. And I also have to clean the inside of my dryer. Crap.


The last sentence, that is supposed to be chinless job... oh wait I forgot the weasel is off doing his thing... crap is right. Sorry about that Angel. If you lived closer, my wife would have sent me over to clean it out for you. Done it before... no concoctions for that one, just a lot of elbow grease.


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## angelpixie

Well, thanks for the kind thoughts, drerio. Got a bunch of stuff I'll try to see if it works. Wish me luck!

And DS is off to his sleepover a couple of hours earlier than I thought he'd be. Guess it's a good thing I have all this extra cleaning to fill my time before contra tonight. Not like I didn't have anything else to do.


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## Nsweet

Crayons melted in the dryer. Hmmm, I remember hearing about using oil to wipe away dried wax before, but it seems like there would be a lot left behind in the machine. Is there anything ou can do involving running the dryer again with something to collect the wax, like a dryer sheet or ShamWOW?


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## angelpixie

Using wet dryer sheets was one of the ideas mentioned. So was using non-acetone nail polish remover. Someone posted that they called Crayola and they told her to use WD-40. I'd be worried that that stuff would leave it's own residue.


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## Nsweet

Maybe a credit card and rubbing alcohol then? May want to contact the company and ask just to be certain.


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## 2ntnuf

In case you didn't get the crayon out of the dryer. Note the wd40 residue is removed with detergent(dish soap). Good luck.

How To Remove Crayon From the Dryer


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## angelpixie

Thanks -- I don't have any WD-40 on hand, so I tried some of the things I did have with me...and they didn't work. So, I'll be getting some when I go to pick DS up from his sleepover. I look at that pile of clothes and just think, Ugh! Some can't go in hot water, but I can try the iron/paper towel trick to melt out some of the wax. But I can't put those in real hot water or they'll shrink. Other clothes can go in the hot water, but I can't iron them because they're synthetics. 

I'm starting to wonder if I can just pass them off as if I did this on purpose. You know, like tie-dye? 

---------------------

Contra was a lot of fun last night. We had a huge turn-out, with a lot of new people. I hope they decide to come to the regular dances. 

I was feeling bad because I realized that after the start of the new year, the calendar works out so that I'll have DS on contra nights from Jan thru March. That leaves only 2 dances in April and one in May. But I realized that I'll have Friday nights free during those weeks, and they'll be having 'practice' dances on Friday nights. Only recorded music, and probably not as big of a turn-out, but they're free and I'll still get to do something I really like. 

Things will work out. 

----------------

Chinless called DS yesterday and talked to him for about 15 minutes. He also asked to speak to me, and repeated things he'd already emailed me. I asked if he was getting any of the texts I'd been sending, and he hasn't. He told me I could text the Trampire's number, and I told him I had. He sighed and said I should just send emails and he'll make more of an effort to check for them. No mention of skype again. It sounds like he's changing his expectations instead of questioning the Trampire. He also sounds tired and not like someone who's having a great time. I thought that when I answered the phone on Halloween, too. 

I sent him a subject-line-only email Wednesday night to say I'd put pics of DS up on FB. He'd 'liked' them all by the time I got up the next a.m. Friday, I got a reply to my email that just said this: 'So wonderful!' :scratchhead: I didn't respond.

He hasn't brought up getting home from the airport on Wednesday, and I still haven't asked or offered. I will be at work. I don't know if he'll want DS that night (I'll already have him one extra night into 'his' week) or if he'll expect a night for jet lag recovery. We have parent-teacher conferences that next day, and DS only has a half day of school. He will have to take care of him then. Back to real life, Chinless.


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## jpr

Note to self: Make sure you check your son's pants for crayons when he gets older, jpr. 

Ugh. That sounds awful. I wish I had some tried and true method to help you, Angel...but I don't.

My dad used to use WD-40 to get grease stains out of his clothes.

Maybe life isn't so wonderful in Chinless' fantasy land, afterall. :scratchhead:Oh well. Whatever.

I know that Sasquatch is getting ready for his big conference in a couple of weeks. His Tart will be there. It is in a city that is about a 4 hour drive from here. I wonder if his Tart will fly into here and drive up with him? I wonder if she will stay in his hotel room in order "to save money"? 

It was at this conference 2 years ago that they started their EA. She wormed her way into his life. She bought a plane ticket on his flight, and she asked him if she could share his cab. ...I was 8 months pregnant. 

I am not sure if you are like this or not...but, I have accepted that my marriage is over, and that Sasquatch will be "dating". I just so wish that he would date someone else...someone other than that Tart. Do you feel the same way about Trampire? The thought of having that Tart tuck my son in at night just makes my blood boil.

...maybe I am not as enlightened as I thought I was?.....I still get mad over some stuff..


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## Ikaika

Angel,

Maybe I should have told you the trick I used the last time my youngest (yes I said the last time. He is notorious for leaving all kinds of items in his pocket) left something like crayons in his pocket and it got caked onto the drum of the dryer. 

Takes a bit of work, but it does work. Use a hairdryer and some plastic scraping device. You don't want to use a metal edge, this will likely damage the drum surface. So apply heat and scrape. This also will avoid you being worried about introducing any chemical to your dryer or wash machine (where ever the crayon may be stuck to).


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## vi_bride04

...hmmm you mean the relationship with Trampire is starting to be real life and not fantasy dream land??? She might be a regular, normal woman and not the perfect, no flaws dream girl??

Ha ha ha...reality must be staring to sink in and maybe he is realizing it.

Angel, you sound so strong in todays post. Good luck with the dryer and try not to analyze chinless so much. If he really wants to see his son when he returns, he will let you know.


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## angelpixie

jpr- yeah, I'm still having trouble with that. I'm not sure how I feel about DS having any contact with any of Chinless' future trampires. I don't feel he has the best judgement right now, as he's all about getting out there and making up for lost time as a single guy. The fact that he ended up with the Trampire after what he'd said and felt about her when he first met her tells me that his judgement kind of sucks. I don't have much respect for any of this posse of friends, so none of them appeal to me as far as their example to DS, even if they treat him OK on the surface. They're not people I'd choose as examples for my son, and Chinless has no problem with any of them spending time with DS. 

And this relationship still bothers me a lot because of the EA that started when he and I were still living together and he was pulling me along with false hope. I will never respect this relationship. It was built from the two of them cheating on other relationships, even if it wasn't physical.


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## Dollystanford

I can't believe he said 'oh you can text the Trampire's phone' and you did/had

you're a better woman than I am angel


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## Ikaika

Angel,

As an added precaution, if you are going to attempt the hair dryer technique I would strongly advice that you unplug the dryer first. And, make sure you you use long sleeves and gloves that can absorb the heat. Once you heat up one part of the drum, the heat will start to dissipate to other parts of the drum. Take your time and do a little at a time. 

Wish I was there to show you... If you gave me the model and make of your dryer I could probably tell you how to quickly take the drum out and make it easier to work with... You are strong independent woman and you don't need chinless to help... he sounds worthless anyway (sorry I know he is still DS's father).


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## angelpixie

Thanks so much for all of your ideas, drerio. I hope I never have to do this again, but I will file them all away.  When I got in there and looked around, it wasn't caked onto the drum as much as it was smeared. Just little bits caked onto the back edge of the drum and the seam where the drum joins the 'ledge' that protrudes into the drum (you know, for tumbling the clothes -- don't know what that's called). I tried a Magic Eraser, and non-acetone nail polish. Neither did very much. So, I ended up trying the WD-40, and that did seem to do the trick. After that I scrubbed the whole thing down with Dawn, and threw 2 wet old towels in and ran it til they were dry. They came out fine. 

So, then I tackled the clothes. The synthetic things went into the washer on hot wash/cold rinse. I used a mixture of things I saw on the web: 2 capfuls of detergent, 1 c vinegar, 1/2 c baking soda, 2 scoops oxyclean, and some cleaner from Dollar Tree that got rave reviews (who knew?). The things that went in that load came out spotless! 

So, then I did the cottons on warm wash/cold rinse. Same stuff. Again, everything came out great except for a sweater and shirt of DS'. I think I can get the spots out of the sweater if I do it again. The shirt may be ruined. It didn't seem to be touched much at all, which is weird. 

So all in all, it was a lot of messing around, but mostly successful. 

Oddly enough, STBXH used to sell appliances, and did pick up some things that helped us out a lot. Even so, when I got this W/D set over a year ago, he helped me move it because he already had a trailer that day, but I hooked it all up myself. I figure, there was a time when he didn't know a thing about appliances. If he could learn, why can't I? It's a 1980's-era Kenmore set, and though the whole house vibrates during the spin cycle, lol, it does the job and saves me a lot of time and money not having to go to the laundromat.


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## Ikaika

Good job Angel


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## angelpixie

And I guess the biggest thing is, I no longer want to ask Chinless for help. Yes, if he was a decent man, he'd want to help, but if he was really a decent man, we'd still be a family and this wouldn't even be an issue. 

I really don't try to ask him for help with anything except the computer (which he built) and maybe the car, since he also would remember repair history, etc. Otherwise, I will find other ways to get help/information.


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## TBT

Thank you Angel.


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## 2ntnuf

Most of the older models were built to repair. Usually, you can find a decent repairman if you ask around.


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## angelpixie

TBT said:


> Thank you Angel.


Of course!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## our vision shattered

angelpixie said:


> And I guess the biggest thing is, I no longer want to ask Chinless for help. Yes, if he was a decent man, he'd want to help, but if he was really a decent man, we'd still be a family and this wouldn't even be an issue.
> 
> I really don't try to ask him for help with anything except the computer (which he built) and maybe the car, since he also would remember repair history, etc. Otherwise, I will find other ways to get help/information.


you already know i'm a Subaru expert & i'm also a computer buff, i could help you remotely, anytime :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

You're on, OVS! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Well, the French holiday is over. Monsieur Chinless returns home tomorrow. I don't know when, so I'm assuming he has other plans to get home from the airport. 

I went over and switched the cars back tonight so that I don't have to chance seeing him tomorrow. We have parent/teacher conferences on Thursday, but since DS has school 1/2 the day, I assume he'll still be with me Wednesday night. I'll have STFC to keep me busy on Thursday, things to do on Friday, DS is back with me on Saturday, but then not again til Tuesday night. I think it will start to feel lonely after it being just the 2 of us for 3 weeks, minus one night at a sleepover. The most solid time we've had together since I moved out. It's gone really well. Sadly, it wasn't until yesterday morning that he really expressed that he missed his dad. He hasn't asked why his dad didn't call more, why there were only 2 email messages to him, no skyping. I don't even know how to handle it with Chinless. I know him well enough that I expect all kinds of excuses. He will never admit to falling down on the job; never admit to just wanting to be a 'visiting boyfriend' and not a dad, too. I'm disgusted, but not surprised. And I don't think I will bring it up to Chinless. There's really no point. 

It just makes me want to do whatever I need to to preserve my relationship with DS. He deserves to know beyond a doubt that he has at least one parent who will always be there for him. 

_____________________

Tonight's discussion was interesting at my DV support group. Almost universal feelings of loneliness and wishing for companionship, but fear of again being swallowed up and losing self. Most of us had many positive things we could say about being single, that we acknowledged were unlikely to have happened had we stayed in those relationships. 

Unfortunately, the scars were also very apparent. All of us were still battling those messages we'd heard and absorbed for years, and those messages were still affecting how we felt about being worthy of being loved in a relationship. It's still so easy to come up with a laundry list of what's wrong with us than to come up with even an equal list of what's right. We are getting better, though. I'm really proud of the women in the group. I've been going for a little over a year now, and I've seen so much growth in all of them. They are all strong, all fierce fighters for their kids, some of them against amazing odds and from horrific circumstances. I fell blessed to know them.

________________________

Had a nice lunch with two friends today, and one of them invited me to her Thanksgiving dinner of friends. My first instinct was to decline, but I realized my life would not change if I kept doing the same things. So I'm taking a chance, and I accepted. They eat later, so I should still be able to volunteer earlier in the day; that means a lot to me. 

Some small steps. Feeling a tiny bit more hopeful than yesterday. Mostly just because I'm refusing to allow myself to go there again.


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## Dollystanford

I am just going to say that if he contacts you and you offer to pick him up from the airport I AM going to come over there madam 
He will probably come back wearing a beret, smoking filterless Gauloises and shrugging a lot
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantmove

Your son already knows that he has an awesome mom that will always be there for him. You show him unconditionally everyday that he is loved and valued. He will grow up always feeling that from you.


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## Ikaika

Angel

So glad you have a place to go for thanksgiving. Remember, have a good time. 

Someday, you and your son need to visit the islands. Find yourself a muscular Polynesian male


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## angelpixie

drerio said:


> Find yourself a muscular Polynesian male


That might be a vacation I take by myself. Leave DS home with Chinless.


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## angelpixie

I'm starting to get stressed at the idea of having to deal with STBXH. My stomach is all stressed, and I'm waiting for my phone to buzz any minute. It's been SO NICE not dealing with him. 

I realized that he has DS for two nights, then I have him for one, he has DS two more nights, then he's back with me for the next week. Considering he hasn't seen DS at all for two weeks and barely communicated during that time, I'll be interested to see if he asks to take DS on this Saturday for a little make-up time. I'll let him if he asks, but I'm not going to suggest it. Even if he thinks I'll say "no," there's nothing stopping him from asking if it's really important to him. I don't know what it proves to me, either way. I guess I'm thinking of all the teary-eyed manipulation when we were doing the parenting plan, how he just couldn't emotionally handle having one of us (i.e., me) declared primary parent. He wanted, no, needed to have everything 50/50. It was soooooo important to him, because being DS' father is soooooo important to him. How he took personally anything that I wanted, such as not having the Trampire staying overnight when DS was with him. DS was sooooo important that he couldn't even deny himself sex whenever he wanted it, for the sake of his child's development, and what it would show DS about relationships.


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## unsure78

are you worried about what hes going to say to you? or are you worried about the bull crap excuses hes going to try to pull over DS eyes on why he hardly communicated with him while he is gone? or is it something else?


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## angelpixie

I just have this feeling he's going to waltz in here and start throwing his weight around, asking me if I've done this or called that person, etc. Some things I did, some I didn't get a chance to. I have done the very best I can over these last two weeks, but he's not going to believe that. He's going to be returning from his two-week "photo shoot"/European vacation/shagfest and going back to his regular schedule of not working, and I don't want to be in the presence of his same old 'feel sorry for me, it's all everyone else's fault' crap.

I'm not even going to bring up the amount of times he contacted DS. There is no point.


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## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> I just have this feeling he's going to waltz in here and start throwing his weight around, asking me if I've done this or called that person, etc.
> 
> I don't want to be in the presence of his same old 'feel sorry for me, it's all everyone else's fault' crap.
> 
> I'm not even going to bring up the amount of times he contacted DS. There is no point.


Yea I really get that...

hugs Angel... I will be thinking about you tonight...


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## Dollystanford

Angel just read that last post back....he's been on a two week holiday and you're stressed in case he berates you for not doing things you're 'supposed' to have done? I'm sorry darling I can't get my head round this, you have to stop feeling this guilt

so WHAT if he doesn't believe you - I know you're not a flint-hearted *****, I'm not either (really!) but there comes a time when you have to just say 'enough'. Look at what this is still doing to you after all this time...it feels like he still has you wrapped round his little finger and it makes me FUME


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## angelpixie

Thanks, unsure.


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## TBT

angelpixie said:


> I just have this feeling he's going to waltz in here and start throwing his weight around, asking me if I've done this or called that person, etc. Some things I did, some I didn't get a chance to. I have done the very best I can over these last two weeks, but he's not going to believe that.


What is it exactly that you owe to this guy now? Tell him to get off his high horse if he starts that kind of nonsense.jmo.


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## angelpixie

You're right, Dolly. I just hate the conflict, whether I'm in the right or not. It's just been a long time of it. He is who he is, and I shouldn't be afraid of his judgement of me. He really has no moral basis for it, does he?


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## jpr

Angel...just try to say as little as possible to him. ...that is what helps me when dealing with Sasquatch.

I resist the urge to explain myself and justify my decisions. You don't have to justify anything to that twerp! He certainly doesn't feel the need to justify his actions to you.

If he asks you "Angel, did you do _______ while I was away"...simply reply. "No". No explanation needed. You don't need to explain yourself. It is difficult taking care of your son all by yourself with no help from family.

If he asks why, just say, "I didn't have time". period. 

Stop him. Don't let him treat you like that. Don't let him do that to you.

...Sasquatch pulled that same thing with me during our parenting negotiations. He said that the only reason he was still living was because of our son--otherwise he would have ended his life months ago. He *knew* that would press my buttons. But, with the help and advice of my counselor, I just envisioned what I wanted in my parenting plan, and I stuck to my guns. I didn't explain my rationale. ...I just told him what I wanted.

You don't have to explain yourself. You owe him absolutely nothing.


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## Dollystanford

jpr is absolutely right and it's how I deal with Tosspot - I am also a conflict avoider in that sense, I just don't engage in the same way any more

you can still be civil but be cool and remember what lawyers tell you - don't say too much. If the question is 'do you know what time it is?' resist the urge to say 'yes it's xxx'

the answer to the question is 'yes'

and that's it....


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## Matt1720

Yes 
No
I'm sorry you feel that way
What are you going to do about that?
I'm not ok with that
I'm not ok with where this conversation is headed
*Silence*


----------



## angelpixie

He's back. Due here any minute to say hello/good-night to DS. It's nearly 10, so I told him it would have to be quick. If DS wasn't excited (he called when he was en route), I'd tell him to wait til tomorrow. I've been barely awake since 8 p.m. I would so have been in bed by now.


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## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> He's back. Due here any minute to say hello/good-night to DS. It's nearly 10, so I told him it would have to be quick. If DS wasn't excited (he called when he was en route), I'd tell him to wait til tomorrow. I've been barely awake since 8 p.m. I would so have been in bed by now.


Remember...cool, calm, collected... 

You can do it


----------



## angelpixie

He was here and is gone. Brought me a Tunisian pistachio sweet as a thank you for picking up his mail for him. Didn't talk much about his trip, I think he's waiting til he's with DS alone tomorrow. Did say that he heard from the loan person at the bank and she sent the paperwork to the underwriter today to lock in his rate. Yay. So the refi is still moving forward. Now if I could just hear back from my lawyer. I'll have to call her again to see if she made the corrections to the property settlement that I dropped off weeks ago. 

Whew. Made it through The Return. He thanked me for having the cars switched before he got there and was surprised I did it last night. 

I realized that I so did not care if I impressed him when he got here. I never curled my hair today, and I was laying on the sofa tonight besides, so it's not very attractive. No make-up and my grey hooded sweatshirt. Kind of funny, how things change. Way beyond those times of trying to make him miss me or whatever. That feels good. 

Time to have my cup of decaf green tea and my pistachio sweet. And then GO TO BED, lol. :sleeping:


----------



## angelpixie

We just finished the 8-week class my whole department had to take. It will be nice not having to squeeze the readings, videos, assignments, etc., in with our regular work. The challenge now is to take what we learned and make it part of our daily workflow. 

Will be seeing Chinless again later this afternoon as we have our first P\T conferences of the year for DS. Then I have to watch more STFC videos before class tonight. Lunch with my 2 best friends tomorrow for the birthday of one of them (provided we can all get to work tomorrow -- the snow has started!). I get a free staff ticket to our University productions, and they are currently performing one of my all-time favorite musicals. Trying to decide if I should go tomorrow night or Sunday afternoon. I always gave my tickets away when I was living with Chinless because we couldn't afford the 2nd ticket and a babysitter. It didn't seem fair for me to go alone. I realize how many similar opportunities I missed because I thought of us as an 'us.' And then how he used his depression as a tool to go out by himself with his friends. He'll always say he told me I could have done the same thing, but his moods and neediness made it easier to just not make plans. It was embarrassing to have to cancel or to have to interrupt things to take care of a crisis he was having. After a while, people stopped inviting me to things, and going out for him became part of his 'therapy' that he couldn't do without or else he didn't know what he'd do.  I was slipping away, too, and becoming even more isolated and depressed. It was just a very uneven, unequal partnership. 

I don't know how openly self-centered the Trampire is. Right now they're still in the phase where Chinless is doing anything and everything to make her happy. Eventually, I predict they will reach a point where they both show how demanding and selfish they are. I really doubt she will fade into the background like I did, and give up whatever he asked in order to make things easier on him. I've seen over this last year or so just how much his family has enabled him, even while their treatment of him in his early childhood probably contributed a great deal to the way he is. They are bringing forward their own family patterns, connected to addictions, anger, abuse, etc.

I can see that every time I tried to stand up for myself even a little bit, or to counter his behavior, it made things worse, and made him turn more to his friends. I know that years of being buried led to a lot of resentment, as did that feeling of not being an equal partner. In some ways, the fact that I was the one who predominantly dealt with household finances, the budget, medical things, cooking, laundry, DS' school stuff, etc., made moving on my own much, much easier. I am now realizing that what I've been feeling these last few months, after the first rush of being in my own place had died down, is a sort of recovery from burn-out from all those years of carrying the load. I'm not handling it right, I know. I'm not paying my bills the day I get the statement like I always used to. I'm not automatically putting a percentage of my paycheck into savings like I used to. Things like that. There will be no break for me like he's had. I know that. I joke about going away to an island somewhere, but I really think I am going to make a concerted effort to save for a real vacation. Not just to visit relatives or something like that, but a trip that takes me away from all of this crap, and gives me new experiences, things I've always wanted. I've gotten to a point in my life where I think I deserve it. And I'm not going to feel guilty if I do it just for myself rather than taking DS with me, too.


----------



## angelpixie

Time to get out on my bike!! :rofl: 

*Today* Snow. High near 37. East wind 11 to 15 mph, with gusts as high as 23 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. Total daytime snow accumulation of 2 to 4 inches possible.
*Tonight* Snow. Low around 28. East wind 8 to 11 mph, with gusts as high as 20 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 3 inches possible.
*Friday* Snow. High near 30. East wind 6 to 9 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 3 inches possible.
*Friday Night *Snow showers likely. Cloudy, with a low around 13. East wind 6 to 8 mph. Chance of precipitation is 70%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 2 inches possible.
*Saturday* A 40 percent chance of snow showers. Cloudy, with a high near 22. East northeast wind around 6 mph becoming light and variable in the morning. Little or no snow accumulation expected.
*Saturday Night* A 20 percent chance of snow showers. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 4.


----------



## Lon

Ugh, keep all that snowy blustery weather to yourself down there. K?


----------



## angelpixie

I thought you guys were all used to this kind of weather up there!


----------



## Lon

Mostly just wind and cold, not much snow. And just cause we are used to it don't mean we like it, though it doesn't stop us from riding bikes.


----------



## Dollystanford

Come to ENGLAND and see ME!!!!


----------



## angelpixie

I'd love to!!


----------



## Matt1720

have you given tours to out of towners dolly?

I've often wondered about that, it'd be fun, like showing things to a kid who's never seen them before. What mix of tourist attraction/local good stuff would you choose?


----------



## Ikaika

Yea... it got down to 72 last night. Had to sleep with a blanket. Can you believe that 

I told you Angel...you want to take a real vacation and forget all that crap, you save up and visit the islands (make sure you make plans to visit them all - I can give you pointers on where to go). Just be sure you don't make a stranger of yourself. I would love to have you stop by and meet my family (my lovely bride and two munchkins). 

You may even meet a man here that will make you forget chinless ever existed and certainly keep you warm. Once you have had Hawaiian, everything else is easily forgettable.


----------



## Dollystanford

well there's some things you have to do as a tourist, like the London Eye and the Tower of London and a boat down the river to Hampton Court and take in a show and all that shizz

but I would take people to places like the Jazz Cafe or Ronnie Scotts, various drinking holes a bit more off the beaten track perhaps - I mean there's so much to do. We can go and watch the skateboarders on the South Bank and laugh at the hipsters in Shoreditch oh such fun!


----------



## Ikaika

No offense Dolly, but Angel you go to London pasty white you will return back home pastier and whiter. Come here and you will return home radiant and bronzed.


----------



## Dollystanford

well damn she can go and lay on a beach anywhere dude, but Dolly isn't everywhere, oh no


----------



## Matt1720

come visit me in the lone star state


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> well damn she can go and lay on a beach anywhere dude, but Dolly isn't everywhere, oh no


Tell you what Angel fly to London spend a week there and then the two of you fly here...


----------



## Matt1720




----------



## angelpixie

Hmm, radiant and bronzed and warm would be lovely, but there's the downside of having to wear skimpy-enough clothing to allow the bronzing to happen in the first place.  

And chief on my to-see list in London would have to be Dolly. Never mind that chick in the palace. 

Hmm...two vacations? Do I dare?


----------



## angelpixie

Matt1720 said:


>


Well, of course! Don't ex-wives always screw over the ex-husbands for all their money in the settlement?


----------



## Dollystanford

screw that chick in the palace, she's never in anyway


----------



## Matt1720

I'm practicing her stern look of disinterest


----------



## angelpixie

It doesn't mean anything if you aren't carrying the proper handbag.


----------



## Matt1720

oh I am

clutching it in white gloves with a look that screams "someone else should really be carrying this for me"


----------



## Dollystanford

The answer to THAT question


----------



## Matt1720

one of my lifetime ambitions is punching a brit in the face in a pub. preferably male


----------



## Dollystanford

set your sights high Matt


----------



## Matt1720

PITT THE ELDER!!!

Ok, you asked for it!


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Hmm, radiant and bronzed and warm would be lovely, but there's the downside of having to wear skimpy-enough clothing to allow the bronzing to happen in the first place....


God, I am sweating here... talk of female body in skimpy clothing. Ok, I really need to speed this day up. Wife, look out, tonight I get to show my real age


----------



## angelpixie

P/T conf went OK. DS' teacher kept saying over and over how much she likes him and what a great kid he is. A few things we have to work on. He *hates* being told he didn't do something right. Gets very emotional about it, cries just a little too easily. (Gee, sound familiar? Wonder where he gets that from...) Got excellent grades except for a couple of things where he was just too lazy, such as fill out extra forms to log the reading he does each day (cost him a letter grade, goofy kid!) and his stubbornness with practicing his band instrument. (I already found out about that, and have been working harder with him on it) 

Still and all, considering moving between two households every other week, etc., he's doing really well. :smthumbup: It's so funny that she gave us another student's writing by mistake, thinking it was DS'. Chinless and I knew right away that it wasn't his style. When she got the right one, we could immediately tell the difference. He's definitely got his own 'voice,' lol.


----------



## angelpixie

Carmen Electra Aerobic Striptease. Um, right.


----------



## Matt1720

Maybe you can set him up for failure with a special task/assignment, and provide rewards for actually asking for help. Not everything has to be done perfectly/on one's own merit.

Hiding ones mistakes is a serious problem that doesn't go away when you get older, unfortunately. 

Something I'm working on. "hey, I have no idea what I'm doing here" *this also applies to my potentially bad advice*


----------



## angelpixie

You're right. We also have to teach him to be OK with not being the expert at everything, and assuming that everyone else is wrong.  He's just very, very smart, and is often the person who knows the most, among his peers. He doesn't yet realize that he doesn't know more than adults, too, lol.


----------



## Matt1720

angelpixie said:


> Carmen Electra Aerobic Striptease. Um, right.


so very right... *looks off into the distance absent mindedly*


----------



## Ikaika

Hi Angel

Previous post wrong location


----------



## angelpixie

That's OK, drerio. I was just a little confused when I saw that post in the other thread. I thought, Wait a minute... lol


----------



## angelpixie

Well, I knew it would happen eventually. Next week, I will be solo teaching STFC. By myself. Alone. In front of students.  Tonight, my teacher introduced me as her 'intern'  and had me do a majority of the teaching of the specific exercises. She waited til the end of class to tell me she wanted me to teach next week. Sneaky. It was a decent-sized class this week, all newbies. It was easier this time, too. I think I'll be OK as long as we don't have real dancers, lol. I need to put together a playlist now. :scratchhead:

I already asked Chinless if he can watch DS during class time next week, and found out that he assumed we'd be switching schedules so that he could have extra time with DS. A-ha! I knew he'd pull that on me!! I told him we never talked about that, and that I didn't want to switch around our whole pattern. I think he will want DS on this coming Saturday, which incidentally works out perfect for me. There's a conference at the University this weekend, and they're holding a contra dance. They put out a notice for members of our regular contra group that they'd give us discounted admission so that they could have experienced dancers there. So, I will get to sneak in an extra dance this month.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Well, I knew it would happen eventually. Next week, I will be solo teaching STFC. By myself. Alone. In front of students.  Tonight, my teacher introduced me as her 'intern'  and had me do a majority of the teaching of the specific exercises. She waited til the end of class to tell me she wanted me to teach next week. Sneaky. It was a decent-sized class this week, all newbies. It was easier this time, too. I think I'll be OK as long as we don't have real dancers, lol. I need to put together a playlist now. :scratchhead:
> 
> I already asked Chinless if he can watch DS during class time next week, and found out that he assumed we'd be switching schedules so that he could have extra time with DS. A-ha! I knew he'd pull that on me!! I told him we never talked about that, and that I didn't want to switch around our whole pattern. I think he will want DS on this coming Saturday, which incidentally works out perfect for me. There's a conference at the University this weekend, and they're holding a contra dance. They put out a notice for members of our regular contra group that they'd give us discounted admission so that they could have experienced dancers there. So, I will get to sneak in an extra dance this month.


:smnotworthy:

You are awesome Angel... Woo hoo, you go. 

BTW, I got distracted from my previous post...


----------



## angelpixie

Tonight, I can't help but remember the first time I went to STFC. I wrote about it on here. It was a major trigger for me, coming shortly after STBXH went public with the Trampire, and after telling me some things that really dragged my self-esteem as a woman in the mud, and left me feeling like I was violated during the last year(s?) of our marriage. My teacher was so awesome. She picked up on things I was feeling, even though I was trying to hide everything. By the way I acted and moved, she could pretty much tell what I'd heard and what was going on. I cried all the way home from class and then cried harder than I had in months. That's when I wrote my big letter to Chinless, where I told him everything. It wasn't to get him back, it was just to get all my feelings out there one last time. He never read it. After all we'd been through together, he couldn't even do that.

A lot has changed in how I view myself since then. In some ways, this break-up caused me to fight hard to find myself and feel positive about myself -- on my own. For the first time in my life, I _know_ that finding someone else to love me is not going to make me feel whole. I need to feel whole first. 
I know that unless I value myself (including my body and my sexuality), I won't be able to see when I'm being manipulated by what others tell me about my body or my sexuality. I've been undo-ing a lifetime of programming to get to this place. I still am not all the way there yet. I still often feel that it's safer to be alone than to risk rejection or betrayal again, because they were both so incredibly painful. I hope that in the future, I'll be in a better place to recognize the red flags before a relationship gets to that point. 

Tonight when I was in class, it was light years different from that first class in March. That night, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. Tonight, I was cracking jokes with everyone and showing them how to do things. And I liked what I saw when I looked in the mirror.


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> You're right. We also have to teach him to be OK with not being the expert at everything, and assuming that everyone else is wrong.  He's just very, very smart, and is often the person who knows the most, among his peers. He doesn't yet realize that he doesn't know more than adults, too, lol.



My son is like that. I think some of it has to do with being an only. He's really smart and has been told that a lot. He's also spent lots of time around adults. Thinks he know it all. Now that he's in 7th grade, school is much harder and he's having to work a little for good grades. It has thrown him a bit. He's stressed more. Of course this divorce and puberty aren't helping a bit. It sucks!


----------



## jpr

Angel....I must have re-read your last post about 5 times this morning.

You are such an amazing special person, Angel. Sometimes, I want to just shout it from the rooftops for everyone to hear and to take notice of you and your fabulousness.

But, after reading your post, I realize that this is a process. You are indeed a treasure waiting to be found....and it seems like you, yourself, are finally finding out what a treasure you are. (<----I am not sure that statement makes sense, but I know what I mean. ) Other people are now taking notice, and you are shining. 

As Unsure said, I believe that you are one of the people on this board who have taken an amazing amount of steps to truly move forward and truly put yourself in a better place in life.

You are an inspiration, Angel. 

....and I could just hug that STFC Instructor for recognizing your treasure back in March. It is people like her...people who strive to make connections with others and truly "see" the beautiful in others...that make this world a good place.


----------



## Dollystanford

awwww...the difference between dolly and jpr:

jpr comes out with beautiful eloquent words and accurately placed smilies

dolly says 'you GO girlfriend *finger snap*'


----------



## lostinspaces

Angel,

I've been following your story since joining the board (wish I never had to do that!) a few weeks ago. I have to say, you are an inspiration ... I read your words and think that one day I may also recover from this. 

It is empowering to know that others have found the strength to not just move on, but to become better for this horrible experience.

Thank you for sharing.


----------



## BigMac

What is STFC ?


----------



## unsure78

Angel I love it.. you are a wonderful person and im glad you are finally seeing what everyone else sees


----------



## angelpixie

Thank you all for your kind comments. You were the first ones I wanted to share this with, since I knew you'd understand better than most everyone else in my life. 

I know there are many people here who have gotten through their process faster than I have, and there are some who have told me I should be farther along. There are times in my life when I thought I was making the internal changes necessary to stop generations-old patterns, or just patterns in my own life. They didn't stick. It sounds kind of New Age-y, I guess, but I've learned to 'honor the process.' It really only sticks when it really becomes a part of you. And that takes time and conscious effort and forward & even backwards steps. 

I think it's more important that we really come out of the other side of this different from who we used to be, instead of making sure we just get through it quickly and move on. And there are a lot of factors that enter in to how fast that process moves along for each person. TAM has taught me a lot about that. Eventually we all get there, if we put the work in. 

@ BigMac: STFC is a Strip Tease Fitness Class that I am taking. No pole dancing involved, lol, and not even much stripping. But it is definitely meant to help a woman feel comfortable with herself and her body - not necessarily for a partner, but for herself first. My teacher took some traumatic experiences from her own past and made the personal component a part of this, so it's not just dance and pilates-type exercise. I think it's the positivity and light-hearted atmosphere that helps it to be so fun, as well as the challenge (for many of us).


----------



## angelpixie

lostinspaces -- I'm sorry that you found yourself here on the Island of Misfit Spouses, too. I don't know your whole story, but if you're like most everyone here, you will go through some really tough times before it starts to get better. But it does get better. Have faith in who you are and who you want to become, and don't let go of that. ((hugs))


----------



## angelpixie

cantmove said:


> My son is like that. I think some of it has to do with being an only. He's really smart and has been told that a lot. He's also spent lots of time around adults. Thinks he know it all. Now that he's in 7th grade, school is much harder and he's having to work a little for good grades. It has thrown him a bit. He's stressed more. Of course this divorce and puberty aren't helping a bit. It sucks!


That's a good point, Cant -- I hadn't considered his being an only child and hanging around adults a lot. And he is told he's smart by pretty much all of them, lol. 

And I don't even want to deal with puberty yet!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Angel, you are doing great. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to get there, as long as you get there. 

I have been following your thread for a long time as well and you just seem like a totally different, confident, sassy, sexy woman!!! 

Love that you are taking those classes and love even more how they were developed to help people with their self confidence vs. just learning how to 'strip' lol. The teacher sounds wonderful.

Hope you have a great weekend, Angel with not very many negative chinless interactions...


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Tonight, I can't help but remember the first time I went to STFC. I wrote about it on here. It was a major trigger for me, coming shortly after STBXH went public with the Trampire, and after telling me some things that really dragged my self-esteem as a woman in the mud, and left me feeling like I was violated during the last year(s?) of our marriage. My teacher was so awesome. She picked up on things I was feeling, even though I was trying to hide everything. By the way I acted and moved, she could pretty much tell what I'd heard and what was going on. I cried all the way home from class and then cried harder than I had in months. That's when I wrote my big letter to Chinless, where I told him everything. It wasn't to get him back, it was just to get all my feelings out there one last time. He never read it. After all we'd been through together, he couldn't even do that.
> 
> A lot has changed in how I view myself since then. In some ways, this break-up caused me to fight hard to find myself and feel positive about myself -- on my own. For the first time in my life, I _know_ that finding someone else to love me is not going to make me feel whole. I need to feel whole first.
> I know that unless I value myself (including my body and my sexuality), I won't be able to see when I'm being manipulated by what others tell me about my body or my sexuality. I've been undo-ing a lifetime of programming to get to this place. I still am not all the way there yet. I still often feel that it's safer to be alone than to risk rejection or betrayal again, because they were both so incredibly painful. I hope that in the future, I'll be in a better place to recognize the red flags before a relationship gets to that point.
> 
> Tonight when I was in class, it was light years different from that first class in March. That night, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. Tonight, I was cracking jokes with everyone and showing them how to do things. And I liked what I saw when I looked in the mirror.


----------



## Ikaika

Angel,

I think you are well on your way... your son is blessed to have you as a mom. It is too bad chinless never recognized how much of a blessing you are... someday you will be a blessing again to a man who can appreciate you for being you. Take Care Angel.


----------



## angelpixie

Ah, back to 'normal.' After deciding that DS would spend tonight with him instead of me, Chinless texts me this a.m. and says DS wants to be with me instead. Kind of surprising after only being back with his dad for two nights. Chinless asks me if I've already made plans. I did, and like an idiot I told him what they are. (I need to remember: say no more than necessary. ) So, he says OK, DS will stay with him, and he'll bring him over to see me as planned from 10 a.m. to about noon. He gets here at 10:30, and I asked if he was coming back at 12:30 to pick him up. I had to get to the P.O. by 1. At 1, he finally shows up. He could tell I was not happy, and said he texted me. I didn't get it, and obviously, he didn't get a reply from me saying it was OK to be late. So, I missed getting to the P.O., and they're closed Monday for the holiday. 
Yeah, it was so nice not dealing with the daily little acts of disrespect. Like I don't have a life of any importance compared to his. Not being able to make definite plans because I always have to leave a window of time to allow for him to be really late (not talking about 10 min or so. I am flexible, and he is with me, for the most part, too).
Oh well, only 7 more years til DS graduates high school. Sigh.


----------



## 06Daddio08

That's one thing I will never understand.

He is with someone else.

Yet, he finds the need to take advantage of the little things that he knows would cause a problem.

Why?

What's the damn point.


----------



## jh52

Your stbxh shows just how selfish he is with every interaction he has with you or DS. Through all of this crap, you have gotten stronger and better -- and most of the time stbxh sh!t doesn't seem to get to you. 

You are an amazing woman and mother Angel. Don't ever forget that !!:smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Up -
I really think it is just his total sense of self-absorption. He still doesn't see me as a person on my own, so he doesn't need to change anything. We're not together, and haven't been for a while, but he treats me the way he did when we still lived together. As you well know, the need to keep some kind of interaction going due to the kids really wears on the nerves. 

jh- Thanks again for your kind words. I am really trying. What's really hitting me lately is how being treated with respect is more important than being in a relationship. I will not put up with crap anymore from a guy just to be 'friends' or more. If the respect isn't there in the beginning, there isn't going to be 'more.'


----------



## angelpixie

Note to self: Do not wear black corduroy when re-attaching dryer hose to back of dryer.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Note to self: Do not wear black corduroy when re-attaching dryer hose to back of dryer.


new hairdo?


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, and grey fuzzy corduroys, lol.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, crappity crap. I went out to my car to go to contra, and my battery's dead.  Not sure why. It's not that cold, and I could see that the dome light wasn't left on (the switch is broken, it only goes on when the door is open). It came on very weekly, and the seat belt buzzer was weak, too, but didn't even try to turn over. Hopefully, I can ask a neighbor for a jump tomorrow. All dressed up and no place to go! Well, that's not true -- I do have someplace to go, just no way to get there! 

I have a free ticket to a play tomorrow. If I have to, I can walk there (it will be a hike, but oh well), but other things I need to drive to. I also don't want to have to buy a new battery. Shouldn't they give you a little warning before they die?


----------



## Ikaika

Sorry to hear Angel... I think if you take a pic and give us some eye candy of an angel dressed up


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> Sorry to hear Angel... I think if you take a pic and give us some eye candy of an angel dressed up


Check the 'new pics' thread.


----------



## angelpixie

Yep, the battery terminals were reeeealllly corroded. I cleaned them really well, but the car still won't start. The dome light is stronger and the seat belt buzzer is louder, though, so maybe it just needs a jump. My neighbor isn't home, but Chinless said he'd bring DS over to see me after I get back from my play. I'll have him do it. He owes me.


----------



## our vision shattered

angelpixie said:


> Yep, the battery terminals were reeeealllly corroded. I cleaned them really well, but the car still won't start. The dome light is stronger and the seat belt buzzer is louder, though, so maybe it just needs a jump. My neighbor isn't home, but Chinless said he'd bring DS over to see me after I get back from my play. I'll have him do it. He owes me.


simply pouring coke or pepsi on the terminals will clean them amazingly, how old is the battery, cold weather vs cold cranking amps batteries only last about 3-5 years, could you have bumped the p switch on the top of the steering column, seen that a billion times


----------



## Conrad

our vision shattered said:


> simply pouring coke or pepsi on the terminals will clean them amazingly, how old is the battery, cold weather vs cold cranking amps batteries only last about 3-5 years, could you have bumped the p switch on the top of the steering column, seen that a billion times


Think about it.

Just imagine what Coke and Pepsi do to your stomach.


----------



## angelpixie

Hi OVS -- Chinless came over and gave it a jump, but it still wouldn't start. We were trying to remember and we think the battery is about 3 years old. How can I tell if it's the battery or the starter? It does click when I turn the key, but doesn't even try to turn over. I'm hoping it's the battery. That I can change myself.


----------



## Lon

Conrad said:


> Think about it.
> 
> Just imagine what Coke and Pepsi do to your stomach.


Help me digest all that greasy crap I put in it at the same time.


----------



## Lon

angelpixie said:


> Hi OVS -- Chinless came over and gave it a jump, but it still wouldn't start. We were trying to remember and we think the battery is about 3 years old. How can I tell if it's the battery or the starter? It does click when I turn the key, but doesn't even try to turn over. I'm hoping it's the battery. That I can change myself.


OVS has veto power over my comment, but I've dealt with dead batteries lots... it may just need a good charge. If you can, buy or borrow a trickle charger and put it on overnight. If it still gives problems take it in to get tested (and replaced if necessary).


----------



## our vision shattered

it's the battery if lights are dim, usually for jump starting it's best to hook up & the running car stay at 2500 rpm's for a minute or two, then try, if it was starter it would click but none of the lights would dim, probably a dead cell. hopefully not an alternator.


----------



## our vision shattered

Conrad said:


> Think about it.
> 
> Just imagine what Coke and Pepsi do to your stomach.


not to mention teeth, ugh. i'm an ice tea guy


----------



## our vision shattered

Lon said:


> OVS has veto power over my comment, but I've dealt with dead batteries lots... it may just need a good charge. If you can, buy or borrow a trickle charger and put it on overnight. If it still gives problems take it in to get tested (and replaced if necessary).


trickle charger is a great idea :smthumbup:


----------



## our vision shattered

bahahahahaha, chinless!!!! still cracks me up, i love that name


----------



## angelpixie

Well, I don't have access to a trickle charger, but maybe that's something i should put on my christmas list, lol. 
yes, the dome light definitely dims when i try to start it. i don't know what rpm's it was at, but we did leave it hooked up for several minutes. since i know it's a few years old, i might as well just replace the battery.

i'll tell you, it does make me think again about where i'll be looking for a place. staying near where i am is really convenient. i can still walk, bike or take the bus to work, IC, the store, etc., if i have car trouble. not to mention being close to the other things downtown. helps me stay more independent.

thanks a lot for all of your help, ovs & lon! :smthumbup:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## our vision shattered

do you have triple aaa, it can be a life saver, literally


----------



## Ikaika

Sorry I could not be of much help Angel... cars are definitely out of my league. Appliance sure, cars certainly not my cup of tea to fix. Needless to say it may not be a bad idea to take a class in car basics. This will really provide you with prowess and independence. Angel, you are an awesome and beautiful woman. Dedicated a song to you and a lot of others on the song dedication thread. Have a restful evening.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, drerio. I will check it out! 

No, I don't have AAA. Might have to check that out, too, now that I'm on my own. 

When I was cleaning the terminals today, I was thinking that this actually wasn't such a bad thing. I used to change my own oil, do my own computer stuff, etc., before I met Chinless. Then, since he was better at it, I kind of turned it over to him. I have felt a little bad about losing those skills over the years. Now I guess I have the chance to gain them back again. I really don't see any reason why he has to be automatically better at them just because he's a guy. I'm sure I can do just as much as he can, given the time to catch up. 

And there are some things, like the home projects we did in our house, that I know I did better, because I was more of a 'stickler' that they be done well and look good.

Thanks again for your support, guys. It means a lot.


----------



## our vision shattered

angelpixie said:


> Thanks, drerio. I will check it out!
> 
> No, I don't have AAA. Might have to check that out, too, now that I'm on my own.
> 
> When I was cleaning the terminals today, I was thinking that this actually wasn't such a bad thing. I used to change my own oil, do my own computer stuff, etc., before I met Chinless. Then, since he was better at it, I kind of turned it over to him. I have felt a little bad about losing those skills over the years. Now I guess I have the chance to gain them back again. I really don't see any reason why he has to be automatically better at them just because he's a guy. I'm sure I can do just as much as he can, given the time to catch up.
> 
> And there are some things, like the home projects we did in our house, that I know I did better, because I was more of a 'stickler' that they be done well and look good.
> 
> Thanks again for your support, guys. It means a lot.


just so you know, i've had 4 lady mechanics on my crews over the years & yes they were every bit as good as any of the guys. youtube is a world of automotive answers also


----------



## angelpixie

Lady mechanics? That's awesome, OVS!! :smthumbup:

And I forget to check youtube for things other than music and MST3K, lol.


----------



## Ikaika

Angel you can come and fix my car


----------



## angelpixie

Well, Chinless took me to get a battery. I realized it's probably the longest time we've spent together w/o DS around in months and months. Awwwwkward. I tried to use it as an opportunity to talk about things like where DS should go to middle school, how he's doing with his band instrument, etc., so that we can be on the same page. Turns out he's having some of the same issues with stubbornness (and decibel levels, lol) as I am. It was OK, but it was also very weird. Hard to believe that we were ever 'soulmates,' 'best friends,' lovers (?!), etc. Even though we share a son, there seemed to be the same level of intimacy talking about him as I'd have with my neighbor. Sad, really. Nobody knows DS like the two of us. We know his quirks, his likes, dislikes, talents, etc. We care more about his future, love him more than anyone else in this world. But even this morning, talking about him, I could sense that something was 'off.' When he talked about an issue with DS practicing that I had, too, I laughed and told him so. And like we'd done in the past, told him what things I'd tried and whether or not they worked. I thought he'd do the same. Instead he clammed up. Like he didn't want to share that, or thought we were in competition instead of working for the same goal. 

He was polite. Carried the battery through the store and out to the car for me. Asked if I'd like him to move my little yard worktable next to the car for when I'd be working on it. 

We talked a little about how his program and the financing were going. Another delay, and with the government offices and banks closed today, no chance to do things about it til tomorrow. I resisted the urge to tell him we'd probably have to be filing joint taxes again this year since it's extremely doubtful the divorce will be final by the end of the year. I'll leave that bombshell for another day. 

He's so thin that he's really aging. He doesn't have any peace or happiness in his face. Sad, really, that all of this didn't leave _him_ feeling better, at least. Not that I thought it would, but what do I know? 

Well, I've put it off long enough. Time to work on the car. Wish me luck! :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

You can do it (change the battery). Your description, like I said before, chinless does not have pono and you are moving in that 'way'. 

Aloha ka ko


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Well, I've put it off long enough. Time to work on the car. Wish me luck! :smthumbup:


*You can do it!*


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, I wish I could have recorded the wonderful sound of the old buggy firing up on the first try! 

I think I can officially say it: I rock. Hard.


----------



## Ikaika

Angel

Calling you next time I have a problem with my car. Something hot about about having a beautiful and confident woman working under the hood of a car


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, I'm not c0cky enough to think I can do much more than I have, lol. 

Have you told Mrs. Drerio about this? Maybe a little Lady Mechanic role play in your future?


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Oh, I'm not c0cky enough to think I can do much more than I have, lol.
> 
> Have you told Mrs. Drerio about this? Maybe a little Lady Mechanic role play in your future?


Mmmmm thanks, good idea. Definitely have to take down any loose pictures off the walls.


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm not sure those nails are practical for a mechanic


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> I'm not sure those nails are practical for a mechanic


They are practical for something... Ouch, battle scars


----------



## angelpixie

I don't think the bikini bottoms are, either, lol.


----------



## angelpixie

Somebody else on TAM posted this once (maybe Geek?):


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Somebody else on TAM posted this once (maybe Geek?):


On hood works too


----------



## Dollystanford

mmm Volvos scream 'sexy!'


----------



## Ikaika

This is too much... Wish I could pawn my boys off to someone for the next few hours


----------



## angelpixie

Lol! No worse than a Subaru wagon.


----------



## our vision shattered

OldGirl said:


> *You can do it!*


i miss the ww2 pin up girls, americana that has been replaced


----------



## our vision shattered

drerio said:


> Mmmmm thanks, good idea. Definitely have to take down any loose pictures off the walls.


 none of my lady mechanics ever looked like that


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Oh, I wish I could have recorded the wonderful sound of the old buggy firing up on the first try!
> 
> I think I can officially say it: I rock. Hard.


Yes you do!!!  good job, angel


----------



## angelpixie

OK, so I've been working on my STFC playlist. I'd like your opinions:

Glory Box - Portishead
Massive Attack - Black Milk
Crave You - Flight Facilities
Let it Be - Blackmill
Breathe - Telepopmusik
Breathe me - Sia (Mylo remix)
And for lap/chair dance,
You know I'm no good - Amy Winehouse.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> OK, so I've been working on my STFC playlist. I'd like your opinions:
> 
> Glory Box - Portishead
> Massive Attack - Black Milk
> Crave You - Flight Facilities
> Let it Be - Blackmill
> Breathe - Telepopmusik
> Breathe me - Sia (Mylo remix)
> And for lap/chair dance,
> You know I'm no good - Amy Winehouse.


find some Youtube links... need to hear it. Do we get some video


----------



## angelpixie

You mean you don't know all of these, lol? I'll work on links.


----------



## angelpixie

Glory Box -- Portishead

Crave You -- Flight Facilities

Black Milk -- Massive Attack

Breathe -- Telepopmusik

Let it be -- Blackmill

You Know I'm No Good -- Amy Winehouse

Breathe Me -- Sia (Mylo remix)


----------



## Ikaika

I want to hear them so I can pick up the bass tone to them... this way I can get an idea on how much I like them. I know some tune but the not nuances that say Blackmill plays on Let it be. I always like to learn new tunes.


----------



## our vision shattered

love amy whinehouse, such a waste of young beautiful talent, of course i still miss jim morrison too


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Glory Box -- Portishead
> 
> Crave You -- Flight Facilities
> 
> Black Milk -- Massive Attack
> 
> Breathe -- Telepopmusik
> 
> Let it be -- Blackmill
> 
> You Know I'm No Good -- Amy Winehouse
> 
> Breathe Me -- Sia (Mylo remix)


Excellent choices... the bass to a number of those are very smooth and refined... had to break out my old Fender Fretless to get the right sound simulated quality.


----------



## Lon

Sweet playlist Angel! Some of those are a little slow, but maybe that is supposed to be the seductive sound you are after - for me, the trip hop stuff (Mezzanine and Portishead) is always better as a soundtrack, it is usually just to slow for me to listen to without visuals - I used to love it but now i find it puts me to sleep, lol. And I love the dubstep, but again blackmill is on the slow side (but sounds amazing on a good sound setup).

Crave you is a perfect song for what I envision STFC would be, and I also really love the Telepopmusik one!


----------



## angelpixie

Not all of the exercise is fast, some of it is more pilates-like, so that can be slower. It's actually hard not to find things that are too fast. I really wanted to get most of the guitar solo at the beginning of Shine On You Crazy Diamond, and I had the file isolated in Windows Movie Maker, but the crappy Windows 7 version doesn't let you save just the audio file like the XP version did. That was a waste of time. 

Thanks for listening and giving your opinion.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Not all of the exercise is fast, some of it is more pilates-like, so that can be slower. It's actually hard not to find things that are too fast. I really wanted to get most of the guitar solo at the beginning of Shine On You Crazy Diamond, and I had the file isolated in Windows Movie Maker, but the crappy Windows 7 version doesn't let you save just the audio file like the XP version did. That was a waste of time.
> 
> Thanks for listening and giving your opinion.


Played along with each these on my basses ... they are good. I can tell what swings and what does not by the bass rhythm. These swing and are very seductive.


----------



## Matt1720

:smthumbup:


----------



## our vision shattered

Love shine on you crazy diamond !!!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

our vision shattered said:


> Love shine on you crazy diamond !!!!!


one of the best Pink Floyd songs EVER!


----------



## NoWhere

our vision shattered said:


> Love shine on you crazy diamond !!!!!


 Took the words out of my mouth, But is it parts 1-5 or 6-9 ? 

Or for the old schoolers out there: Side A or B ?


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> one of the best Pink Floyd songs EVER!


Song written by Roger Waters along with the song "Wish you were here" were dedicated to the late Syd Barrett... Original and founding member of the band that sadly went off the deep end mentally. Exacerbated by his drug addiction he became a recluse in mental state far away from reality. Sad story about his end. He was once said by Roger Waters as probably the best known song writer and guitar players that no one ever got to know.


----------



## Lon

My fave Pink Floyd song (well, morese just David Gilmor) - every time I hear it I like it more and more: _Coming Back to Life_

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
And where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the waiting had begun
And I headed straight..into the shining sun.


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> Took the words out of my mouth, But is it parts 1-5 or 6-9 ?
> 
> Or for the old schoolers out there: Side A or B ?



From Parts 1-5. Not sure exactly which part, lol.


----------



## NoWhere

drerio said:


> . He was once said by Roger Waters as probably the best known song writer and guitar players that no one ever got to know.


Obviously Roger didn't take a hard listen to 'Piper at the Gates of Dawn' before making that statement. 



angelpixie said:


> From Parts 1-5. Not sure exactly which part, lol.


I guess I'm the only one old enough to get the Side A or B reference. I think I still have a copy of Wish You were Here on vinyl. wow now I really feel old.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, of course I get the Side A or B reference (I'm probably older than you are, lol).


----------



## angelpixie

I was never close to my mom's younger brother, but I do have one really special memory with him. He was still living at home with my grandparents, and worked 3-11 shift as a machinist. We lived in the same apartment building as they did, and I went over one morning to see my grandma. My uncle was just getting up to go to work. While he went to take his shower, he put on this great new album he just bought and wanted me to listen to it and tell him what I thought. He gave me all the stickers and stuff that came with it, too. It was Dark Side of the Moon. I was probably in 2nd grade at the time, and it made me feel so grown up that he was interested in my opinion.  Pink Floyd was one connection that we had after that.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dark side of the moon is my favorite album.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I was never close to my mom's younger brother, but I do have one really special memory with him. He was still living at home with my grandparents, and worked 3-11 shift as a machinist. We lived in the same apartment building as they did, and I went over one morning to see my grandma. My uncle was just getting up to go to work. While he went to take his shower, he put on this great new album he just bought and wanted me to listen to it and tell him what I thought. He gave me all the stickers and stuff that came with it, too. It was Dark Side of the Moon. I was probably in 2nd grade at the time, and it made me feel so grown up that he was interested in my opinion.  Pink Floyd was one connection that we had after that.


My memory of Dark Side of the Moon... March of 1977, I was a Sophomore in HS. Raining so hard outside (landslides at school) they closed the school. Roads were still passable, so parents went to work. Called my friends they came over we fired up some joints ate some magic mushrooms and cranked up my parents stereo. Needless to say my opinion was baba baba, uhm, giggle, munchies  I probably should have had better adult supervision, but damn that was a good memory needless to say. Sad, when your best memories of music and life are with friends and not with family. I hope I impress something different on my sons. Sorry Angel... didn't mean to think out loud on your blog. 

BTW, one of the first songs I learned how to play the bass to "Money"


----------



## Lon

Drerio, I bet the first song you tackled on a fretless was Hey You


----------



## Ikaika

Lon said:


> Drerio, I bet the first song you tackled on a fretless was Hey You


Sounds correct, if I could only remember


----------



## SCsweety81

Angel, I will have you know, because of you, I've searched high and low for an STFC in my area.

Unfortunately, my search only rendered pole dancing classes.


----------



## angelpixie

Sweety -- my teacher kind of created her own thing, but she did have me watch a video by Sheila Kelly called the S Factor. Sheila Kelly does have a few studios across the country, but you can also get her DVDs online. I've only watched the first one. Carmen Electra also does something called Striptease Aerobics. Saw one of those and wasn't really impressed. There wasn't really anything aerobic about it, lol, and they didn't get great reviews online. The Sheila Kelly style seemed closer to what my teacher does, as far as the exercises go. 

She's also periodically taken students to watch real strippers, but I never got in on those field trips, lol. 

So -- that means it's up to you to introduce it where you live!! :smthumbup:


----------



## our vision shattered

NoWhere said:


> Obviously Roger didn't take a hard listen to 'Piper at the Gates of Dawn' before making that statement.
> 
> 
> I guess I'm the only one old enough to get the Side A or B reference. I think I still have a copy of Wish You were Here on vinyl. wow now I really feel old.


Dont i have it on vinyl too, after syd went mad they would still let him in the studio to be with the band, acid(lsd) has syd a a street name


----------



## angelpixie

Was having a terrible time with the mp3 player I am taking to STFC. I can sync it with my pc and browse to the files on it, but it doesn't arrange them the way the player does on its own menu. There was no way I could create a playlist or folder or album, etc. with just the 8 songs I wanted. I 'inherited' it in the property split, but I didn't want to ask STBXH. Finally I had to just transfer the hundreds of other songs off of it, and move my 8 on there by themselves. PITA.

But -- one very positive thing. Ever since before I moved out, there has been a voice recording of the Trampire on it, reading an introduction she was giving for French bff's thesis presentation back when Chinless and I were still living together (but separated, but working on it, blah, blah, blah). I suspected an EA with Trampire then, and point blank asked him about it. I didn't find the file on there til after I moved out and took the player with me. Yeah, quite the surprise to have her pop up in the middle of my music, the first time when I was trying to listen so it would help me fall asleep. Since he doesn't speak French, I can only imagine why he'd have to have a recording a.) of her voice b.) speaking in French (poorly, I might add).

No matter what I did, I couldn't find that file on the player to get rid of it. Got rid of all of 'his' other music, but not that. Finally today, when I cleaned absolutely everything off, it disappeared, too.


----------



## angelpixie

Group was really good last night. The topic was worry, and I realized that I worry so much less than I used to. Honestly, some of that may be med-related, lol, but I think most of it is new skills I've gained. I've been learning to weed out what I really have a reasonable chance of affecting from the things I really have no control over. I work on taking care of the things I can, and set aside the rest. That's a total life change for me, especially from a few years ago, when STBXH was in the depths of his breakdown and pretty much everything was on my shoulders. It's hard to get used to NOT taking care of everything and feeling like I need to be responsible for it all. 

Coming to terms with things about my personality and being OK with them (like realizing that I'm more of an introvert, and not that there's something 'wrong' with me) has been seriously life-changing. In spite of some personal things happening in my life in the last few days, multiple people last night told me I looked calm and relaxed. I felt confident. Two co-workers separately told me I looked happy when I came in this morning -- even though it's a grey, rainy day, and I spilled coffee on my freshly-washed jacket when I was getting out of the car, lol. 

I feel like there are some major changes taking place inside. I recognize when I'm falling back into old reactions to behaviors in other people so that I can change what I do. I see how fighting who I was and trying to change to make someone else happy and fit their image of me was so deadly to me for most of my life. 

I'm getting to that point where I can be at peace with how my marriage turned out. Based on who we were, there was really no other way it could have been. I know that this relationship was a very tough journey. There's no use wishing things hadn't happened. They did. He did things. I did things. The important thing is what we do with it. It's been very painful, but this has been showing me that the AP I've been trying to be all my life has been who I thought I should be for everyone _but_ me. None of those people were ever satisfied. They needed me to be a certain way because of their own issues. It didn't really have anything to do with *me*.

It was so hard to see it when this all started. I was trying to share my feelings and what I learned with a woman at group last night. She's been alone for almost 2 years after an extremely emotionally abusive relationship that also included infidelity on her ex's part. She has no kids, and is very depressed. Her self-esteem is zero. She's slowly getting into another relationship and it's the only thing that's making her feel better. But when she didn't hear from the guy for a day, she was totally crashed again. I wanted so much to transfer what I've learned to her, and help her to skip over what looks to be another dysfunctional relationship. But I can't. All I could do was tell her my experience about getting grounded as ME instead of taking my worth from how a man treats me. Other women were, too. It was painful to see her hurting so much. I remembered feeling that way -- others remembered me when I was more like her, too, and tried to tell her. But she has to get there on her own. I want her to feel more like I feel now.

I know I'll have times when I feel down again. Definitely. But I think the changes inside are deeper and more permanent. The down times don't last as long. Even last week, when I felt so hopeless, it really only lasted a day (and thank you, again, to all of my friends here who reached out to me). 

Now to keep this feeling up til STFC is over tomorrow night, lol. I hope some of my ladies from the Y come. They would make it a blast. :smthumbup:


----------



## our vision shattered

i just wanted to thank you angel, i knew i was missing something, our talk about pink floyd made me think, i haven't listened to it in a long time, when i'm down i usually listen to kenny g or something similar, i down loaded about 8 albums & fell asleep peacefully to division bell, thanks again angel  ahhhhh pink is back in my life !!!!!


----------



## angelpixie

I'm glad, OVS. There's something about rediscovering old music -- or music in general -- that is really good for helping the soul to heal.


----------



## our vision shattered

angelpixie said:


> I'm glad, OVS. There's something about rediscovering old music -- or music in general -- that is really good for helping the soul to heal.


i haved lived my whole with music being in my soul, i grew up in the bay area music scene & partied with a lot of the 80's rock stars. now i like country a lot. i just love music so much


----------



## NoWhere

SCsweety81 said:


> Angel, I will have you know, because of you, I've searched high and low for an STFC in my area.
> 
> Unfortunately, my search only rendered pole dancing classes.


 Don't undervalue pole dancing. I know I don't 



our vision shattered said:


> i just wanted to thank you angel, i knew i was missing something, our talk about pink floyd made me think, i haven't listened to it in a long time, when i'm down i usually listen to kenny g or something similar, i down loaded about 8 albums & fell asleep peacefully to division bell, thanks again angel  ahhhhh pink is back in my life !!!!!


 Pink Floyd is one of those bands that transcends time and styles. They are unique unto themselves. I was always partial to the album Animals personally. Though Dark Side, The Wall and Wish You Were Here are all great. Echoes is also a great album.

Never really cared much for their earlier stuff beyond those albums.

I'm more a Zeppelin fan :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

our vision shattered said:


> i haved lived my whole with music being in my soul, i grew up in the bay area music scene & partied with a lot of the 80's rock stars. now i like country a lot. i just love music so much


I lived my whole life playing music of all genre... although I have to admit as I get older I tend to reconnect more with my Hawaiian roots. So most of my playing tends to be with fellow musicians who play this style music. Unfortunately Angel, it will only work if you decide to next take up Hula... It is all in the hips, some leg work and then gracefully use hands to tell your story. Our music is full of beauty for the land and women (especially gracing the love of beautiful women). You fit the bill Angel. You are awesome. :smthumbup:


----------



## NoWhere

drerio said:


> My memory of Dark Side of the Moon... March of 1977, I was a Sophomore in HS. Raining so hard outside (landslides at school) they closed the school. Roads were still passable, so parents went to work. Called my friends they came over we fired up some joints ate some magic mushrooms and cranked up my parents stereo. Needless to say my opinion was baba baba, uhm, giggle, munchies  I probably should have had better adult supervision, but damn that was a good memory needless to say.


 Why do I think of the movie Dazed N Confused when I read this?


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> Don't undervalue pole dancing. I know I don't


:rofl:



NoWhere said:


> Pink Floyd is one of those bands that transcends time and styles. They are unique unto themselves.


STBXH is not a Floyd fan with the exception of a song or two. Next time around (if there is a next time around), it'll have to be someone who at least doesn't make fun of them if I listen. 



drerio said:


> Unfortunately Angel, it will only work if you decide to next take up Hula... It is all in the hips, some leg work and then gracefully use hands to tell your story.


I've taken belly dance classes a couple of times. I really liked that, too -- seems similar to what you are talking about with the hula, but just not as a way to tell a story. I was starting it again when the studio changed their schedule and put STFC in the time slot instead. I didn't really like their version of belly dance, though, it was so fast it was almost like aerobics.  There was no time to do arm movements, etc.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> STBXH is not a Floyd fan with the exception of a song or two. Next time around (if there is a next time around), it'll have to be someone who at least doesn't make fun of them if I listen. .


Hmmmm proof that he really sucks!!! 

Mine also made fun of PF and wasn't a fan. Said it was just a bunch of noise that stoners listen to. He didn't care it was a part of who I was. I couldn't even listen to it in the car if he was with me.

But I was forced to listen to all his crap b/c he would throw a fit if I changed it!! Erg....


----------



## angelpixie

Something that he used to do that DROVE ME F'ING CRAZY was that he'd never let a song play all the way to the end. If it's a song I really like, I listen to it ALL. If we'd have a CD on in the car, he'd skip to the next track. The first time he did it (and he knew it was a song I liked), I was just stunned. I asked what he was doing and he just looked at me and said, 'Well, the song was over.' Um, no, if it's still going on, it's not over! Grr. 

<rant over>


----------



## NoWhere

I can see it now. Dates going great. Whole night is perfect then:

Angel: "Do you like Pink Floyd". 
Date: "No not really". :redcard:
Angel: "Ok I think we're done here"


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> My memory of Dark Side of the Moon... March of 1977, I was a Sophomore in HS. Raining so hard outside (landslides at school) they closed the school. Roads were still passable, so parents went to work. Called my friends they came over we fired up some joints ate some magic mushrooms and cranked up my parents stereo. Needless to say my opinion was baba baba, uhm, giggle, munchies  I probably should have had better adult supervision, but damn that was a good memory needless to say. Sad, when your best memories of music and life are with friends and not with family. I hope I impress something different on my sons. Sorry Angel... didn't mean to think out loud on your blog.
> 
> BTW, one of the first songs I learned how to play the bass to "Money"



Gee, I wonder what would have happened it I'd ever tried drugs... and listened to Pink Floyd... :scratchhead:


----------



## vi_bride04

You crack me up, angel


----------



## Ikaika

And now I live like a non-celibate monk.


----------



## Dollystanford

I first heard 'Comfortably Numb' when I was tripping my nuts off :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

I'm so excited!! I know what I'm getting myself for Christmas -- Sufjan Stevens! Well, a ticket to see him, anyway. His show is actually on a night I don't have DS, so I don't even have to get a sitter. Yay, me!

If I hadn't had to go home by a different route today, I wouldn't have driven past our downtown theater, and I wouldn't have seen the listing for the show. It was meant to be, people!


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> And now I live like a non-celibate monk.


Me, too, except for the non-celibate part.


----------



## our vision shattered

Dollystanford said:


> I first heard 'Comfortably Numb' when I was tripping my nuts off :smthumbup:


HELL YEAH !!!!!! i thought you ladies across the pond was proper :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::lol:


----------



## angelpixie

OK, DS has finally gone to bed, so now I can try to run through what I want to do in class tomorrow night. AM TRYING NOT TO PANIC. Teaching a cataloging class for my library co-workers is one thing. I *know* I'm a good cataloger. But _this_???? Oy!! 

Breathe. Breathe. Ha! I just realized - 2 of the songs I picked have 'Breathe' in the title. Funny.

I just don't want to look like a dork and give the people who come a bad impression of my regular teacher, who is fantastic. 

And I hope I don't blow up the $20K sound system. 

This is hilarious. Me. Teaching STFC. I was embarrassed asking if anyone at the library wanted to share the 2-for-1 membership offer at the studio a year ago because I thought they'd laugh at the idea of me dancing at all. I wish I could down a shot of courage before class. 

It's only an hour. You can't screw things up THAT much in an hour, right?


----------



## our vision shattered

NoWhere said:


> Don't undervalue pole dancing. I know I don't
> 
> Pink Floyd is one of those bands that transcends time and styles. They are unique unto themselves. I was always partial to the album Animals personally. Though Dark Side, The Wall and Wish You Were Here are all great. Echoes is also a great album.
> 
> Never really cared much for their earlier stuff beyond those albums.
> 
> I'm more a Zeppelin fan :smthumbup:


i couldn't agree more, i've been lucky enough to see pink floyd twice, once hmmmm, not sober & the next night sober, same show, 2 different experiences & both were amazing, i;ve been to about 100 concerts, floyd was the best, i also not crazy about their earlier stuff & don't even get me started on zep :smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

You will do great Angel... Wishing you the best


----------



## Dollystanford

our vision shattered said:


> HELL YEAH !!!!!! i thought you ladies across the pond was proper :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::lol:


Not sure where you got that impression, certainly not from me


----------



## lostinspaces

Ouch. That Mind=blown graphic hurt. It's something the stbxw and OM text each other when they say something loving to one another. 

I also notice that this has ruined some of my favorite songs (she was sending them to him). What BS! I don't think she deserves my good thoughts in the divorce too! 

Time to find some new stuff!


----------



## unsure78

angel you will be fantastic!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Eternal Embrace

SCsweety81 said:


> Angel, I will have you know, because of you, I've searched high and low for an STFC in my area.
> 
> Unfortunately, my search only rendered pole dancing classes.


Me, too!!! But I didn't even get pole dancing classes - just nada in my area!!!

I think they're trying to shelter us in the South...


----------



## angelpixie

lostinspaces said:


> Ouch. That Mind=blown graphic hurt. It's something the stbxw and OM text each other when they say something loving to one another.
> 
> I also notice that this has ruined some of my favorite songs (she was sending them to him). What BS! I don't think she deserves my good thoughts in the divorce too!
> 
> Time to find some new stuff!


Sorry, lostinspaces. It's odd when those triggers will pop up. I think many of us understand. But you're right -- take back those things that you like!! Music was a huge part of my relationship with Chinless. I had to consciously work on separating the memories from the songs. It's really hard, but it feels really good when you can 'take them back.'


----------



## NoWhere

Eternal Embrace said:


> Me, too!!! But I didn't even get pole dancing classes - just nada in my area!!!
> 
> I think they're trying to shelter us in the South...


Hmm the south aye? That's where I'm at. Though the 'south' is a large area.

Maybe I need to open a pole dancing fitness center? :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, NoWhere, I can see this is a social issue you have a great commitment to. It can be your personal mission. :rofl:


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Yes, NoWhere, I can see this is a social issue you have a great commitment to. It can be your personal mission. :rofl:


I'm just dedicated to giving women a safe place to get healthy workouts for my....errrr their benefit! 

:smthumbup:


----------



## SCsweety81

Eternal Embrace said:


> Me, too!!! But I didn't even get pole dancing classes - just nada in my area!!!
> 
> I think they're trying to shelter us in the South...


True story.

We need to put a business plan together and start a Southern STFC.

You run NC and I'll run SC.

Angel will have to come train us.


----------



## angelpixie

Haha -- I just thought of a name for a move you can invent, Sweety:

The Carolina Rub


----------



## SCsweety81

angelpixie said:


> Haha -- I just thought of a name for a move you can invent, Sweety:
> 
> The Carolina Rub


:rofl:

and...

The Southern Swing.


----------



## Eternal Embrace

SCsweety81 said:


> True story.
> 
> We need to put a business plan together and start a Southern STFC.
> 
> You run NC and I'll run SC.
> 
> Angel will have to come train us.


Send me the porfolio and I'll look it over for approval tonight!

Shoot, between me, you, NW and AP I think we got this thing in the bag!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

Eternal Embrace said:


> Send me the porfolio and I'll look it over for approval tonight!
> 
> Shoot, between me, you, NW and AP I think we got this thing in the bag!!!:smthumbup:


Can I fly over to preview the progress of the business? 

Sorry Angel, thinking out loud like a dirty old man. Only 12 more hours and my wife can have the kids in bed and well....


----------



## vi_bride04

If i lived closer i would join!!! I'm going to see if MI has any of these classes you speak of. I know a radio show offers pole dance classes at a strip club for a day....have women call in and they "win" a session. Lol


----------



## NoWhere

Angel I'm not sure who started all of this, but I'm sorry we've hijacked your thread and turned it into a pole dancing and strip club discussion. lol. In my defense I don't think I've ever seen a pole dancer and I've actually never been to a strip club in my life. They seem kind of seedy to me. How about I install a pole at my new house and all you gals come over and show me what I've been missing. ray:


----------



## angelpixie

Holy crap!!! T minus 2 hours and counting. I think I'm going to throw up. Seriously. That's so not sexy.


----------



## Ikaika

Angel

I for one have total faith in you. I know you can't hear it, I am cheering you on...


----------



## jpr

Angel....I've been thinking of you all day. You are going to be great! Confidence. Exude it. 

...I often have to remind myself of that when I am teaching. I still get nervous sometimes when I teach...especially when I teach a new topic. 

Just remind yourself that you know more than the students in the class...you are their leader tonight. ...have confidence! Your instructor picked you for a reason...she saw something in you. 

You will be great!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## unsure78

good luck angel, you will blow them away!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Matt1720

you can do eet. you can do eeeet allll nightttt long!


----------



## our vision shattered

yeah it's become sex drug & rock & roll rofl, sorry angel


----------



## angelpixie

Feeling kind of tipsy right now, so forgive me if I ramble a bit. Not enough time for my wine to really kick in yet, but probably the adrenaline let-down. 

Class was small, but fun. Lots of giggles, which are to be expected from newbies, but also a good workout. I was kind of ticked because the kung-fu class that has the studio before us is supposed to be out of the place15 minutes before we start, and every week they don't even leave the floor til we are supposed to start (then they have to walk thru in order to leave). Namaste? Yeah, whatever. 

But they finally left. And like I said I got through class just fine. I'm glad I went in this afternoon to get everything together since the kung-fu guys ran over. My music was spot on, which also made me happy. I had choreographed and planned out things during a boring meeting yesterday (shhh, don't tell my boss, lol), and realized I forgot to bring my notes home, but I had time to run to work and get them. So I was totally prepared. You were all right. Once I did it, I know I can do it again. My teacher texted me beforehand and wished me luck and asked if I was still OK to do it, which I thought was nice.

After class, when I was by myself, and before Chinless came to drop off DS, I thought 'When am I ever going to get a chance like this ever again?' So I turned the dimmer all the way down, turned the music up loud, and danced by myself for a couple of songs. In a real dance studio, like a real Dancer - not just STFC stuff. A fantasy that is probably shared by a lot of us ugly duckling klutzes. 

So what was it like? I can't describe it. It is really very emotional, actually. I'm almost crying now when I'm thinking of it again. Freedom. That's what it was like. Freedom from judgement, from ridicule, from feelings of inadequacy, from self-hatred on all levels. The closest I've ever felt to something magical. And I didn't need, nor did I want anyone else there at that minute.

And there, in the near dark, watching myself in the mirror, I realized what it took for me to get to that moment. I would never have gotten to this point of finally fulfilling that little girl's fantasy if I hadn't traveled through all of this pain and hurt -- and emerged on the other side. I'd never have had the chance to be there, at that moment, if all of the rest hadn't come before it. 

I feel like these last nine months since my first class have encompassed so much. At the end, I look back and I can see pain and hurt, but they don't pierce as much. They feel like lessons learned now. Since then, I've had opportunities to see if I truly learned those lessons. It's been difficult to break my old patterns, doing so has caused me to lose things and people I cared about, and that's been very painful, but each time, I know I'm stronger. I know it was what I had to do. I'm less fearful, and the things I do fear are different. I don't live in fear of abandonment. I fight that fear by becoming strong enough to leave an unhealthy situation on my own. Instead of catastrophizing, I look at how many of those 'catastrophes' I've actually made it through, and have started to approach things from a 'what's REALLY the worst that can happen? is that LIKELY to happen?' frame of mind. 

When Chinless came, I was still breathless and happy. He was rather surprised. He asked how it went and I told him it was great. He asked again what it was I was teaching, lol. 

These things happen at totally unexpected times and places. It almost makes me excited about the future, instead of worried and afraid. A few more nights like this, and I think I'll be there. I want to hold on to this feeling as long as I possibly can.

How could I have possibly known all these crazy paths I'd be traveling in my life? Careening out of control, most of the time, lol.


----------



## Lon

angelpixie said:


> after class, when i was by myself, and before chinless came to drop off ds, i thought 'when am i ever going to get a chance like this ever again?' so i turned the dimmer all the way down, turned the music up loud, and danced by myself for a couple of songs. In a real dance studio, like a real dancer - not just stfc stuff. A fantasy that is probably shared by a lot of us ugly duckling klutzes.
> 
> So what was it like? I can't describe it. It is really very emotional, actually. I'm almost crying now when i'm thinking of it again. Freedom. That's what it was like. Freedom from judgement, from ridicule, from feelings of inadequacy, from self-hatred on all levels. The closest i've ever felt to something magical. And i didn't need, nor did i want anyone else there at that minute.


----------



## Lifescript

So happy for you Angel. You deserve it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

So happy for you Angel... Ok one thing, you are not an ugly duckling klutz. You are not...


----------



## Dollystanford

awww Angel :smthumbup:

the next step is to video yourself and post it on YouTube of course


----------



## angelpixie

no. no. no.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> no. no. no.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, yes, yes

An - gel
An - gel
An - gel


----------



## vi_bride04

Alot of people get famous on you tube...you could be the next gangdum style


----------



## jpr

I love this post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Strip like an Angel - oh yeah 

I'm sorry Angel I'm not trying to be flippant, it's just that you have come so far and now I feel the world is your oyster!


----------



## unsure78

Im very happy for you Angel


----------



## cantmove

I'm so happy for you Angel. You are awesome. You deserve everything good coming your way. I only wish I had your guts.:smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Strip like an Angel


Wow, I want to trademark that, Dolly! -- can I buy the rights from you? Or we can make a deal on royalties. :rofl:


----------



## humanbecoming

I HOPE you told chinny what you were teaching!


----------



## angelpixie

humanbecoming said:


> I HOPE you told chinny what you were teaching!


Yeah, for the 4th time, I think. Either his memory really does suck, or he doesn't believe me and wants to see if I give him the same answer each time, lol. :rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Yeah, for the 4th time, I think. Either his memory really does suck, or he doesn't believe me and wants to see if I give him the same answer each time, lol. :rofl:


Or you could change his title to brainless... better than Cantmove she apparently castrated (nutless) her ex as part of the settlement 



cantmove said:


> How the he!! did I not realize that this is my sons weekend with his dad? [email protected] it! Gotta race home and get his stuff together after school. Nutless wants him ready to go earlier than normal.


----------



## OldGirl

I'm so happy for you, Angel - very inspiring.

I think you should write a book. I read The S Factor, and I think you could do a much better job. You've certainly been an inspiration to me, and now you have a title: *Strip Like an Angel*!

I'd buy it


----------



## Ikaika

I'd buy the book, but for my wife to read. I think I would be too scared about what was in it.


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> Or you could change his title to brainless... better than Cantmove she apparently castrated (nutless) her ex as part of the settlement


No, Nutless' mummy did that.


----------



## angelpixie

OG -- Good for you reading S Factor -- I think that says something pretty awesome about you!! You are one kick-ass chick. :smthumbup: 

(So I have to ask, did you try the moves?  )


----------



## angelpixie

What does it say about my bed that I've been sleeping more comfortably on my half-a-sectional couch for the last week?


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> OG -- Good for you reading S Factor -- I think that says something pretty awesome about you!! You are one kick-ass chick. :smthumbup:
> 
> (So I have to ask, did you try the moves?  )


Yep **


----------



## angelpixie

OldGirl said:


> Yep **


Rock on, you sexy thang! :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

Ok, OldGirl and Angel... we need to have video postings here.


----------



## OldGirl

drerio said:


> Ok, OldGirl and Angel... we need to have video postings here.


Here you go, drerio, this will have to do  Possibly NSFW, depending on how uptight they are where you work.

Hot Pole Dance (Jeremih - Down On Me (ft. 50 Cent)) - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie

Oh. My. Lord. 

Yeah, I'll never get there. But it does give me something to shoot for. How do you think my dad & brother will take it when they come up to help me remodel the house I eventually buy (how's that for positive thinking, lol?) and I show them where I want to install my practice stripper pole? :rofl: My dad thinks it's funny that I'm taking the class and that I was asked to teach it. (He does know the philosophy behind it and that it's not training for a new career) My brother won't even talk about it.


----------



## Ikaika

OldGirl said:


> Here you go, drerio, this will have to do  Possibly NSFW, depending on how uptight they are where you work.
> 
> Hot Pole Dance (Jeremih - Down On Me (ft. 50 Cent)) - YouTube


I work at a University, hardly uptight... my only problem is now that I am no longer a bench scientist, I don't have access to a cold shower. I really need one right now. Whew.


----------



## Dollystanford

wow that was cool

although I thought she was going to break her neck at 0:41


----------



## Dollystanford

ahem

something for the ladies

Pants


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> ahem
> 
> something for the ladies
> 
> Pants


OK, I think I'll wait til I'm home for that one, lol.


----------



## angelpixie

our vision shattered said:


> yeah it's become sex drug & rock & roll rofl, sorry angel


Hey, that's just my lifestyle now! :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

Oh sure Dolly and Angel,

Some young immature stud guy who can dance the pole... pfft, nothing over finely aged man who can glide through the water... or maybe not. 

Oh well, my time has come and long gone.


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> OK, I think I'll wait til I'm home for that one, lol.


it's artistic!!!


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Wow, I want to trademark that, Dolly! -- can I buy the rights from you? Or we can make a deal on royalties. :rofl:


I'm going to be your agent, gonna make you a star baby! You know what they say - tits and teeth darling


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> I'm going to be your agent, gonna make you a star baby! You know what they say - tits and teeth darling


Really?! That's all it takes? *looks down, then pulls out compact and smiles in mirror* Yep, I qualify.


----------



## jpr

Dollystanford said:


> it's artistic!!!


Wow, Dolly. 

That _was_ artistic.......very, very, very artistic. 


...and Angel...if I were going to pursue a career as a author/stripper/fitness instructor/librarian, I would definitely want Dolly as my agent. ....I can't think of anyone more qualified to be your agent.


----------



## oncehisangel

angel.....you're

a
cool chick


----------



## angelpixie

Got a bunch of errands done this a.m. since I had to run DS over to Chinless' side of town. Slowly getting my things out of our joint storage unit and into my own. Just need to get it all out by the end of the month so I'm not on the hook for half the rent again. Off to book club in a few. We're having it at my favorite Vietnamese place. Cheap and huge portions, so I'll get a 2nd meal out of it.  
I'll work out afterwards, since the club is right by the restaurant. Then it's contra tonight. 
I'm so happy that the cold I thought I was getting didn't materialize!! 
And the sun is shining today. My IC has been asking me if I notice a change in mood with our increasingly cloudy fall/winter weather. I don't notice that the clouds make me feel worse, but I definitely notice an uptic when it's sunny. If that makes sense. 

I have one of those stupid lights that we bought for Chinless, who insisted he had SAD (Well, he meant Seasonal Affective Disorder, I'm thinking it's more like Selfish A$$hole Disorder  ). Maybe I'll try to use it and see if it helps. 

I took my old battery back to Walmart to get the recycling refund, and they were already playing Christmas music. FML. Thanksgiving is early this year, at least wait til then!


----------



## angelpixie

Chinless gave me an update on his refi. HOPEFULLY, it's approved (how many times have we heard this now??!?!) and he will hear by Tuesday when the appraiser's coming. Since his program has finally been approved, we don't have to do the little finagling we originally did with DS' benefit so that we could both claim it for loan apps. So, now I no longer have to wait to file. Unfortunately, my lawyer STILL hasn't responded with my corrected version of the property and parenting settlements, so I have to get on her and I'm sure next week she's off for Thanksgiving. Chinless wants to pretty much have me file, serve him myself, get the copies immediately signed and notarized and just then wait for our court date. I still think we'll run up against the end of the year, but maybe not. Taxwise, it benefits me to wait at this point. 

Not that I feel sad or sorry, but it is still kind of surreal to just be standing and talking about the final, legal death of our 'lifelong' partnership as if it's just some absolutely innocuous bill to pay or something. Just totally devoid of emotion.


----------



## Dollystanford

It does feel very odd I have to agree - when our divorce was final I just sent him a business-like text and he sent one back and it felt so strange, how things can just change BAM!

but, if you think of Chinless sitting there with his silly SAD visor on then at least you can have a chuckle to yourself


----------



## Ikaika

I just want to say Angel... I love reading your post. I really admire your tenacity and honesty about what you are going through. I truly respect you and feel honored to call you a friend.


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> Not that I feel sad or sorry, but it is still kind of surreal to just be standing and talking about the final, legal death of our 'lifelong' partnership as if it's just some absolutely innocuous bill to pay or something. Just totally devoid of emotion.


Yeah...that is totally how I feel. When I signed my waiver to not contest the divorce, I just didn't feel anything. It was just another thing on my list of things to do that day. 

But, when I do let myself stop and think about things, it just seems so surreal. ....so incredibly surreal that a partnership could end so abruptly and so quickly...without even a whimper or a protest.

It is sort of sad...or maybe melancholy? ....but strange too. Our relationships are now just defined by a piece of paper. ...and they used to be so more more than that.

Sort of like a tombstone on a grave. That tombstone represents a life that was once lived, but now dead and gone.


----------



## jpr

....the thought of Chinless and his SAD visor crack me up too.

He is so fragile.


----------



## angelpixie

Just got home from contra. I'm so glad I took the chance and went -- come to think of it, I went to that for the first time in March, too, just like STFC. And I joined TAM in March, too. Hmm. Interesting. 

Anyway. One of the best, most fun things I've EVER been involved in. I just feel so good and happy when it's over. I can't imagine how many calories I burned off, too, so that's a bonus. The caller worked us hard tonight. Even those of us hardcore dancers that stayed to the very end were getting a little dizzy during all the spinning and swinging in the final dance, lol. 

I'm going to miss the big dances twice a month from Jan. thru March when the calendar shifts and I have DS on contra nights. But I will still get to go to the workshop dances once a month, and from what I heard tonight, those are for learning a lot more complicated combinations of steps, so that will be challenging as well as fun.

Tomorrow I get DS fairly early, then I will be heading over to DS' friend's house to hem some slacks for his mom. We're trading for kid-sitting DS. Then more moving stuff from my house to my storage unit to get ready for putting up our tree. I'm sure DS is going to want to do it shortly after Thanksgiving. I'm not ready for Christmas!! 

And, I decided this morning that I'm going to pull my dating site profiles down. I don't bother to check them, and haven't for months. Dating and finding a relationship is the last thing on my mind right now, and maybe for a long time. I just have no interest, so what's the point of being on a dating site?


----------



## Matt1720

glad you had a good time at contra. sounds like a great way to get the endorphins flowing


----------



## angelpixie

As I've mentioned previously, I've been sleeping on the sofa lately. I woke up this morning and panicked because apparently I had overslept to the point where I thought DS and Chinless would be here in 20 minutes. I raced around, getting myself dressed, etc. I like to grab myself a treat on Sunday mornings, and couldn't last week because of my dead battery. So, I was definitely going to today. Well, I thought that was blown, too, so I thought I'd just use my last couple of minutes before they came to check TAM.

That's when I saw the time on my computer. Duh. The huge, hard to reach clock on my LR wall is the only one I haven't changed yet. I forgot that. So, guess who still has time to race to the bakery!!


----------



## angelpixie

I need to find ways to get that 'just contra danced' feeling more often than twice a month.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, suddenly things do seem to be moving more quickly. I contacted my lawyer again, and she got back to me right away. She's been in trials for the last several weeks, and gave my docs to another lawyer to work on. That lawyer dropped the ball. My lawyer has already gone over my revisions to the agreements and can meet with me this afternoon. Once we get the personal expense affidavits turned in, we can file. I can file.


----------



## unsure78

oh angel Im glad


----------



## Dollystanford

:yay:


----------



## vi_bride04

See what all of your positive energy is bringing you, angel!? RESULTS


----------



## angelpixie

Just got done with a nearly two-hour meeting with her. I think we have everything ironed out. I'm at work to print out the agreements, then going to get DS from Chinless and give him his first look at them. I'm pretty emotional about it. By the time we were part-way through, I wanted to say 'Just give him everything.' A few times, I felt myself pulling back on asking for certain things because I knew he'd blow his top, even though we talked about them ourselves and agreed on them. I'm not in a very good place emotionally today, and I know how crazy he can be. I'm not looking forward to this.

And, she has been recommending to all of her clients for the last month that they wait on their decrees til after Jan. 1 so that they can both benefit from full itemized and child tax deductions. I don't know how he'll feel about that. 

It means there's a good chance we'll be getting officially divorced within a few days of our wedding anniversary. I know I shouldn't care. He's been an a$$hole for so long. But it still breaks my heart. I've got to pull it together before I get there. If he sees I've been crying, he'll be set up for a fight. 

Please send your good thoughts my way. Thank you guys for always being there for me.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Just got done with a nearly two-hour meeting with her. I think we have everything ironed out. I'm at work to print out the agreements, then going to get DS from Chinless and give him his first look at them. I'm pretty emotional about it. By the time we were part-way through, I wanted to say 'Just give him everything.' A few times, I felt myself pulling back on asking for certain things because I knew he'd blow his top, even though we talked about them ourselves and agreed on them. I'm not in a very good place emotionally today, and I know how crazy he can be. I'm not looking forward to this.
> 
> And, she has been recommending to all of her clients for the last month that they wait on their decrees til after Jan. 1 so that they can both benefit from full itemized and child tax deductions. I don't know how he'll feel about that.
> 
> It means there's a good chance we'll be getting officially divorced within a few days of our wedding anniversary. I know I shouldn't care. He's been an a$$hole for so long. But it still breaks my heart. I've got to pull it together before I get there. If he sees I've been crying, he'll be set up for a fight.
> 
> Please send your good thoughts my way. Thank you guys for always being there for me.


I know it may not mean much but here is my best at a giving you a virtual

HUG I'm sorry, I wish I could give you a real one. I mean it Angel, you are one of my all time TAM heroes.


----------



## jpr

Hey Angel...I am so sorry. This is tough. It is a bandaid that is slowly being pulled off. It hurts when it finally comes off.

I am sorry.

Be strong though. Channel your STFC instructor strength. He is a twerp, and doesn't deserve to be cowed down to.


----------



## OldGirl

Sorry Angel. Sending good thoughts your way <<<hugs>>>


----------



## our vision shattered

hang in there angel, big hugs from me & my kids, this is my first ever holidays without my family & def dreading christmas, my heart goes to you girl


----------



## that_girl

I'll be the one on the right :lol:



















You can be the one on the left


----------



## Dollystanford

my dear angel - it's been a long road for you, but I truly think you'll be able to move forward once this is 'final'. Being in limbo for so long never helps

this song is for you from me 

Shackles - Mary Mary

Sing it sister 

(oh jpr, your new signature has set me off again)


----------



## TBT

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship"
-Louisa May Alcott

Don't let things rest heavy on your heart Angel,you're such a decent and caring woman....hope you feel better today.


----------



## unsure78

Angel how are you doing today?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

unsure78 said:


> Angel how are you doing today?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would like to echo this... I know it is hard. We are here for you.


----------



## jpr

I have been thinking about you today, too, Angel.


----------



## angelpixie

Hello, my sweet friends. It was a gut-wrenching night, and today's the anniversary of "I've already been separated in my mind" not even a month after the first speech when we were supposed to try working on it. 
Everything I write here sounds stupid, and I just keep erasing it. I'll try to write something later. I'm on the way to the Y now. I hope it helps.


----------



## Dollystanford

stay strong angelface, we are all with you in spirit if not in body!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Thoughts are with you tonight (and tomorrow .. and the day after).


----------



## jpr

I am sorry, Angel. I know this is hard. ...and I know it is hard to put into words exactly what you are going through.


----------



## OldGirl

jpr said:


> I am sorry, Angel. I know this is hard. ...and I know it is hard to put into words exactly what you are going through.


 ^ I agree. It's also hard to see good people, like you Angel, going through such difficult times. I want so badly to find the right words to make it better for you, but I can't.


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## unsure78

hugs angel
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyKaty

Feel better, pretty lady.


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## HappyKaty

Angel,

You are so incredibly strong.

Your words have helped me more than you will ever know.

I missed you, today...a lot.

I kept checking my thread to see your intuitive post, to no avail.

A friend once told me,

"your life is going to be so much better when all of this is done."

Yours already is.

You have touched so many lives, and you don't even know it.

Cheers to you, sweet lady.

You made me a better woman, and for that...

I am thankful.


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## Ikaika

Angel 

Checking in... I just want you to know I'm thinking about you. Aloha kakou


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## Dollystanford

Angel, hope you're ok darling - we miss you, where are yoooooou


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## jpr

I was just thinking the same thing.


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## Ikaika

Angel,

I know it must be hard especially with holidays upon us. I just want you to know I am thinking of you. I want to extend to you Hau’oli La Ho’omakika’i (Happy Thanksgiving) from my Ohana (family) to you. In spite of everything I wish the best for you tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. Malama pono (Take Care and nurture the things that are important).


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## OldGirl

There are a lot of people out here who care about you, Angel.

FWIW, this Old Girl in CA will be thinking about you tomorrow.


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## unsure78

hope your doing ok angel....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## muskrat

Angel I hope you are alright. I don't have the words to make things better. I will say that you are a wonderful woman and I don't know if I could have made it through some nights without you chatting with me in the middle of the night.
You really are an Angel to me AP.


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## nice777guy

You really are through the worst of it. Your marriage, sadly, is already over. You're just waiting on some paperwork.

That final divorce decree is just a cold matter of procedure. And it won't really bring the closure that you need - the pain will linger on. 

Keep doing what you're doing, the pain will continue to fade, and you'll be happy again.


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## Lon

I had to dig up my official decree tonight in order to verify the actual effective date so I could reapply for child tax benefits. I found it in a stained envelope, coffee and water spilled all over it, yellowed and ugly, looks like it went through the wash - it was on the kitchen table for a couple weeks before I filed it and I think it got used as a coaster, and also I doodled on it (spirals in order to get the ink in the pen flowing). What a worn out, ugly, stupid document it is.


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## cantmove

Happy Thanksgiving Angel. I hope you have a great day with your son.


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## angelpixie

Just checking in. I hope you're all having as nice of a Thanksgiving as possible under your personal circumstances. I'll see DS for 2 hours this morning. Then I'm going to a dinner with a bunch of people I don't know, I only know the hostess. First time I've ever been to a Thanksgiving dinner without someone I'm related to. New reality, I guess. Oh well, we'll all get through this, those of us with new lives, right? 

I'm thankful for all of you, and love you all.


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## Lifescript

Happy thanksgiving angel! Hope you have a good time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr

I love you too, Angel!....Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you have a good time tonight. ...I know it is hard, and strange, and new...but, maybe it will be good too.


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## angelpixie

Got my sweetie with me for a little while. For that, I am thankful.


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## unsure78

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT

Enjoy your dinner and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours Angel!


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## Ikaika

Angel,
Save your money and come to my Ohana next year... within 10 minutes you will feel like you are related to everyone. I wish you the best on this day. I know you will be fine... Happy Thanksgiving.


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## 2ntnuf

You are taking us all with you, whether you know it or not. So you are not alone. You will be in our thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving, Angel.


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## NoWhere

I feel like I'm late to the party. Have a happy thanksgiving Angel. Your welcome to have thanksgiving with me if you don't mind not having a turkey!
Hope you have a very good day!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

My dinner was nice, and went better than I expected, but it really didn't _feel_ like Thanksgiving without family, kwim? The people were very friendly (though I was by far the youngest there) and the food was excellent. We did just what you're not supposed to do, and talked about religion and politics, lol. I am very grateful for their warm welcome. 

Got to talk to DS briefly when he called to say goodnight. I could hear all the party in the background, and DS said he was 'having a great time at Dad's Thanksgiving party.' I was also grateful that I saw him earlier in the day. I just couldn't psyche myself up to drive up to the house all lit with holiday lights outside, and warm lights in the windows, good smells from inside and the sounds of people having fun, just to take DS away to .... where? Better that he stayed at the party at night and we got some time to play some board games together this afternoon. 

Well, I didn't get my house for the holidays this year, but maybe next year.


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## angelpixie

Last night, Chinless did call to ask if I minded if he took the big set of holiday plates and glasses, since we hadn't already mentioned them in the settlement. Since he already used them in his last holiday extravanganza, I have no desire to take them. Such is his emotional disconnect. Why would I want the set of plates and glasses that _we_ bought together for entertaining family and friends _together_? Obviously he doesn't attach memories or meaning to anything, as I've seen, so he might as well. I will get my own things, devoid of those painful memories and connections to him. 

As I knew he would, he backed down on things he agreed upon before when I showed him the property settlement Monday night. Which is why I put them in the settlement, rather than just believing him in the first place. He once again went through and devalued every and anything I did to support him and his education while we were married, and basically said it was my choice and well, it just didn't turn out for me. Too bad. Yes, it was my choice. My husband had a breakdown, and to prevent him being hospitalized, I quit school and took care of him, while still working and taking care of our son (I worked from home and DS wasn't in school yet). I lost all of my college credits, and I knew that would happen when I dropped out. But I loved my husband, and obviously, he came first, without question. But now, because he didn't specifically say "You have to quit school," it's just bad luck that he got two degrees while we were married and I got none. And he gets 1/2 of my retirement. That's the way the cookie crumbles. Except he insists that he is still coming out poverty-stricken and on the losing end of the divorce. He blames me for his not being able to get a job in his field, because we live where we do. I hate to tell him, but his degree field is almost a cliche for not being able to get a job after graduation. It doesn't matter where we would have lived. And our choice of where to move was a joint decision. 

He wants to rush the divorce through so that he can qualify for food stamps. He doesn't want to have to reimburse me for his health insurance premiums ($200+ /mo for 2 months) because he was too poor to afford co-pays. He did go to the dentist, however. 

Remember, this is the poor fellow who just returned from a two-week holiday to France, had a 1-week vacation in San Fran this summer, and just today hosted several people for a Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings. I've lived in poverty before. I was never able to do those things. Still can't. And I'm not applying for food stamps, even though I make about as much as he does. 

I started to feel stupid when he was going on the other night. But I knew I wasn't stupid. I was able to talk those feelings down, which is good. But it still feels awful to remember what it was like back then, how beyond difficult it was, and to just hear him treat it like it was nothing. And then, of course, that went into a lot of remembering what he told me the night he said he was done, two nights before Thanksgiving. How he ridiculed me for being faithful to him, and for getting so upset when he talked about wanting to be with other women. All of this literally 5 minutes after sobbing that he was sorry but he just didn't want to try and he didn't love me and he didn't want to hurt me, but he was already separated in his mind. Then he turned into a monster. It was just a few months ago that I told him what he had said that night. He forgot all of it, and started to deny it all because even he admitted it was horrible. That's why I know there is something mentally wrong with him. But what about once he found out those things? Was there an apology to me? No. Did it make him stop and think that maybe he was mistaken about things? Of course not. Nothing makes him think. He is single-minded and from that, I must protect myself.

It did strike me just how little I've shared of my life with him. He assumes my business is going great guns. He hasn't know about how I've been struggling with my memory and concentration for months, and that I seriously thought of closing my business. So, in a way I can congratulate myself on keeping so much of my life separate and secret from him. It's difficult to a 180 in our situation, but I guess I've managed most of it with my own life. He knows very little about anything to do with me. If I didn't have to ask him to watch DS sometimes so that I could do my STFC class or something like that, he'd know virtually nothing about me. 

He did say that one of the things he hopes for after the divorce is settled is that we can put all of this behind us, and that we can be friends. 

No, I didn't strangle him.


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## TBT

Glad to hear dinner went well Angel and that you got to spend some time with your son.

As for your stbx,wow...what a piece of work!
Pompous,arrogant,superficial,educated but not really smart are a few things that come to mind when I read your posts.You might take a little glee in the fact that he's now the OW's cross to bear!

Don't despair as the finish line is in sight and you're doing so well.You're a pretty remarkable woman Angel who's learned to face her fears head on and not shy away from doing the hard things,the things that may not have come so naturally in the past.

Btw,sometimes I wonder if you're really not the "energizer bunny" because I swear to God that sometimes I'm exhausted just reading about how full your days are and all the things you've been doing.So good on you and keep at it...you're a winner,no doubts whatsoever!


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## Dollystanford

Oh my dear Angel. Of course what I read in to all that (and what Chinless could never possibly because he's a total doughnut) is that he was a burden, a leech, a parasite, a financial and emotional drain on you. No insight whatsoever, although having that insight would lead him to have to see some pretty ugly aspects of himself which I'm sure he wants to avoid at all costs.

You did what you thought was right as a wife and a mother so your conscience can be clear. What did he ever do for you? This is the question I always ask myself about Tosspot - everything was for him, I sacrificed a large part of myself for him. Well screw him frankly, at least he's someone else's problem now. He can take a piece of their soul and use it as a chew toy

You are now free of that burden and can focus on DS and making him the best man he can be, and I know you will do that. Friends with Chinless? Ha! No way, no how - I love that they think this is even a possibility. Wankers

x


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## jpr

Hey Angel.....It is amazing what self-centered and self-involved men our ex's are. But, you know that our ex's will never really experience any sort of real and genuine connection with another human being as long as they remain so self-involved. 

Reading your description of Chinless, the first word that comes to mind is "in-authentic"... okay...well...maybe other words come to mind first.......but, his in-authenticity is his most striking trait.

Throwing a huge party while you are trying to qualify for food stamps? ....going to France for 2 weeks? Gosh, he lives such a fake life---this is all such a facade. The description of that "warmth" and "laughter" coming out of his house last night....I don't know, Angel. Perhaps it looked warm and inviting from the outside, but on the inside, there is lack authenticity. Sure, it might look like a fun party to a 10 year old boy, but deep-down, it is just a bunch of people trying to out-wit each other in their topics of conversation...trying to out-hip the other hipsters...drinking their fancy wine, and most likely trading off with the occasional PBR just "to keep it real". 


If Chinless can not even see how much you sacrificed for him, there is no way that he will ever form real and true friendship and relationships with others. He does not know the meaning of unconditional love....he does not know what it is like to sacrifice for someone you care about. These friends of his are friends of convenience. 

You, Angel, on the other hand, have spend this year completely evolving...well...evolving isn't the right word. ...because you have always had this inside of you...:scratchhead:...hmmmm...what is the right word?...:scratchhead:...."coming out of your shell"?..:scratchhead:...that sounds so trite. 

You have always been this amazing, lively, couragous person on the inside....and now you are releasing your wonderfulness. Chinless isn't a part of this, because he doesn't deserve to be a part of this. You gave him so much for so long....he does not deserve to experience the "best of you". The best of you is who you are--here and now. Hold your head up, and know that you are amazingly wonderful, true, and genuine. 

(3 things that Chinless wouldn't recognize if they hit him in his non-existent chin.....jerk. )


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## unsure78

oh angel hes a piece of crap....needs to appy for food stamps but goes to France and has big Thanksgiving party. Hes all for show Angel, be glad to be rid of such a selfish and shallow individual. As far as dropping out of school to take care of your husband, you did what any of us would have done for our loved ones. Angel you are so wonderful and i hope you know that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

jpr said:


> Sure, it might look like a fun party to a 10 year old boy, but deep-down, it is just a bunch of people trying to out-wit each other in their topics of conversation...trying to out-hip the other hipsters...drinking their fancy wine, and most likely trading off with the occasional PBR just "to keep it real".


Oh, jpr, that totally made me laugh -- you really get it, right down to the PBR, lol!! Maybe it's the world of the 'intellectual'?! (insert throw-up emoticon here) 

I do remember how uncomfortable I felt around them all, including Chinless, who often treated me literally like I wasn't there when we'd have people over. Then he'd berate me for how I was around everyone. I was much more relaxed at my dinner yesterday with people I didn't know! I know I hated those get-togethers with his friends but I always blamed myself. Now I see just what a drain it all was. 

I hope all of you that celebrated yesterday had a lovely day, and have a nice day off today. And for you non-Yanks, I hope you're all doing well, too.  I'm off to do some BF shopping for our adopted family, then lunch with the person who's also in charge of that with me (who's also my best friend), then I'm seeing DS for a while to take him to see the small museum at the airport. 

Then I'm coming home to sleep! Talk to you all later, my friends.


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## jpr

Yes, Angel...I am all too familiar with the "intellectual" parties. I have attended several, and I, too, have always felt a mix of out of place and annoyance.

I remember visiting Sasquatch once over Thanksgiving break when he was in grad school. He went to grad school on the West Coast, and I was living in the midwest. One of his grad school friends was hosting thanksgiving dinner. ...and instead of a turkey, they served paella. :scratchhead:... They thought they were so cool to be going against the norm. I just thought that they were incredibly pretentious. The entire evening the conversation revolved around critiquing books that they had read on self-awareness....or about how they all were training for a marathon...or taking up Tai Chi to find their "center". 

I remember talking to Sasquatch in the car on the way home from that dinner. I was telling how different his friends were than mine....and, how we were living in two different worlds at the time. He was on the West Coast in grad school---totally focused 24/7 on himself and his own research. I was teaching math at a very poor school in the MidWest. I spent my free time volunteering at a dog rescue. Most of my friends were either teachers or fellow volunteers. All of his friends were in grad school and from very wealthy families. He spent his free time reading books on how to be happy, and playing online RPG games. ...our priorities were just so completely different. 

We valued totally different things. ....Sasquatch often said to me that he chose to marry me because I made him a better person. I don't know so much about that...but, I do think that I helped balance him out a bit. He is a mess right now. So sad and so self-involved. All he thinks about are things that he can do to "improve himself". ...it is like he is a hamster running on a wheel in a cage he has constructed for himself. ...and I think that if he looked outside of his cage for a while and tried to make connections with other people, he would find himself "improving" on his own.


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## angelpixie

Well, I found out a couple of important things when I went to pick up DS for a few hours this afternoon. The appraiser actually came on Wednesday -- that's incredibly fast! Chinless doesn't even know how long he was there, because he spent a very short time in the house, then said he was checking the outside. The next time Chinless looked out the window, he was already gone.  Then, late Wednesday, he got an email from the bank, telling him that there are papers ready for him to sign on Monday. When we refi'd, the only papers we had to sign after the appraisal were the closing papers. Could it be possible that it's done already?!?! My brother in MN started his refi in August and just got it finished last week! He almost lost his locked-in rate because it was taking so long. 

I'm just on pins and needles now wondering what the appraised value was. If it's low, than obviously that means I'll get less to start over with. If it was too high, Chinless wouldn't be able to refinance and we agreed to put it on the market ASAP. So, if it's done already, I'm worried it's low. That would be great for Chinless. 

So, after spending 2 hours with the lawyer on Monday (ka-ching!), I might have to have her re-write the papers AGAIN to reflect that the house is already sold. Grrr. 

Unfortunately, I don't think it will be done in time for Chinless to pay for Christmas dinner with food stamps. 

And, DS told me that the Trampire's parents were the special guests at Thanksgiving last night. Sucking up to the new in-laws-to-be apparently. And apparently, they don't care that their daughter has been in a relationship with a married man, who was in no hurry to actually get a divorce. WTF? How do parents not care about something like that? Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. She turned out the way she did for a reason.


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## NoWhere

I love all the names you make up for everyone! It thought Chinless was one of the best, but Trampire. Too funny.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ikaika

I think when your divorce is final... You really need to publish in book format... You are so articulate. I can just feel your soul when you write. Seriously, Angel you have it... And, what a comeback that would be.


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## HappyKaty

Hugs, sweet lady! 

You're SO much better, Angel.


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## 06Daddio08

Angel.

You have always been a source of inspiration for me.

No doubt in my mind that will never change.


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## angelpixie

Aww, thanks, Up. You are becoming so wise -- I love reading what you write! You are getting so much stronger all the time.


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## nice777guy

angelpixie said:


> Well, I found out a couple of important things when I went to pick up DS for a few hours this afternoon. The appraiser actually came on Wednesday -- that's incredibly fast! Chinless doesn't even know how long he was there, because he spent a very short time in the house, then said he was checking the outside. The next time Chinless looked out the window, he was already gone.  Then, late Wednesday, he got an email from the bank, telling him that there are papers ready for him to sign on Monday. When we refi'd, the only papers we had to sign after the appraisal were the closing papers. Could it be possible that it's done already?!?! My brother in MN started his refi in August and just got it finished last week! He almost lost his locked-in rate because it was taking so long.
> 
> I'm just on pins and needles now wondering what the appraised value was. If it's low, than obviously that means I'll get less to start over with. If it was too high, Chinless wouldn't be able to refinance and we agreed to put it on the market ASAP. So, if it's done already, I'm worried it's low. That would be great for Chinless.
> 
> So, after spending 2 hours with the lawyer on Monday (ka-ching!), I might have to have her re-write the papers AGAIN to reflect that the house is already sold. Grrr.
> 
> Unfortunately, I don't think it will be done in time for Chinless to pay for Christmas dinner with food stamps.
> 
> And, DS told me that the Trampire's parents were the special guests at Thanksgiving last night. Sucking up to the new in-laws-to-be apparently. And apparently, they don't care that their daughter has been in a relationship with a married man, who was in no hurry to actually get a divorce. WTF? How do parents not care about something like that? Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. She turned out the way she did for a reason.


Just because they showed up for dinner doesn't mean they are proud of their little Trampire! Either way - don't waste your energy worrying about "them." Focus on yourself and DS.

(((AP))) (trying to do a cyber hug!)


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## angelpixie

Thanks, Nice. Back atcha!


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## angelpixie

Well, I'm trying something new this year. I tried to get DS to decide between apple and pumpkin pies, and he couldn't. I'm not making both since he's only with me today! He suggested I make one pie that's 1/2 apple & 1/2 pumpkin. Well, thanks to the wonder that is the innerwebz, I found a recipe for a combination apple & pumpkin pie: apple layer on the bottom & pumpkin on the top. I'll let you know how it turns out...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lostinspaces

Seriously? Why would you torture me like this? God I miss pumpkin and apple pie!!

If the recipe rocks, please share it.


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## HappyKaty

Post a picture!

You're such an awesome Mommy, Angel!


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## Lon

lostinspaces said:


> Seriously? Why would you torture me like this? God I miss pumpkin and apple pie!!
> 
> If the recipe rocks, please share it.


Angel, if the recipe rocks, send me as slice of it in the mail!


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## Hermes

Ok, I am sending you a ups label to send me some of that pie.


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## 06Daddio08

As requested by Angel.

Whips.

Chains.

And Didgeridoos.


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## angelpixie

:rofl: wait... :scratchhead: didgeridoos...?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> :rofl: wait... :scratchhead: didgeridoos...?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Didgeridoo - YouTube


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## angelpixie

Oh that's not what I meant. I know what a didgeridoo is, but I've never heard it mentioned along with whips & chains. I thought maybe it was some Canadian euphemism or something. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Oh that's not what I meant. I know what a didgeridoo is, but I've never heard it mentioned along with whips & chains. I thought maybe it was some Canadian euphemism or something.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh.

It was.

The link was just a smoke screen.


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## angelpixie

D'oh! :rofl: Wait. Now you're just teasing me, aren't you? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> D'oh! :rofl: Wait. Now you're just teasing me, aren't you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:whip:


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## angelpixie

OK. Phase 1 of pie construction is complete:










It is cooling now. I'll post a pic of the inside when I slice it up. There were no pictures of the inside in the recipe, so I don't know if it stays in two layers. I hope so. We'll see.


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## Ikaika

Angel I love the decorative touch. I told you are an awesome mom. I know you know that... but, I think you will someday (I have faith), you will also make a man happy. Not the other way around... but you will offer something that that man will not be able to resist.


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## angelpixie

Pie?


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## HappyKaty

What?!? 

Angel.

Moving forward, I will refer to you as Betty Crocker.



That's beautiful, girl!


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## angelpixie

Project Pumple Pie is finished, and DS has pronounced it a success. Gave it two thumbs AND two big toes up! (and had two helpings, lol)










It did stay in two layers, as you can see. Here's the link to the recipe. A couple of changes I'd make: I used a full cup of pumpkin puree since my pie pan was a little bigger, and the pumpkin part needed more spice. The recipe only said to add cinnamon. I added nutmeg and ginger (don't have allspice or ground cloves), but it still didn't taste quite 'pumpkin pie'-like enough. Otherwise, it was a pretty easy recipe.

And, guys -- you know, you can get to a lady's heart by way of her stomach, too. So practice up!


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## Ikaika

Angel, if I wasn't married  ... well anyway. It looks absolutely delicious. I really hope you and you little guy (DS) have a great celebration.


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## 06Daddio08

Angel.

You trump my didgeridoo.


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## cantmove

I'm sorry Angel but I'm hi-jacking your thread. I just pulled a nutty. I had to go to stbx's house to get some space heaters. He isn't there but I have keys and he said to go in and get them. They were in the bedroom closet along with this very big girl looking journal. I know I should have walked away but I was thinking about evidence for the divorce in case I needed it. I opened it. I really wish I hadn't. It was every note, poem, card and love letter they exchanged during their affair. There was also a smaller journal with a timeline. Interestingly enough, there was more to learn about how they planned for him to leave me. I feel a little sick. Sorry, but son is here and while I would like to call someone and say this out loud I can't. Ok done.


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## HappyKaty

cantmove said:


> I'm sorry Angel but I'm hi-jacking your thread. I just pulled a nutty. I had to go to stbx's house to get some space heaters. He isn't there but I have keys and he said to go in and get them. They were in the bedroom closet along with this very big girl looking journal. I know I should have walked away but I was thinking about evidence for the divorce in case I needed it. I opened it. I really wish I hadn't. It was every note, poem, card and love letter they exchanged during their affair. There was also a smaller journal with a timeline. Interestingly enough, there was more to learn about how they planned for him to leave me. I feel a little sick. Sorry, but son is here and while I would like to call someone and say this out loud I can't. Ok done.




Hugs.


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## Lon

that apple-pumpkin pie looks DEEEEELISH.


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## angelpixie

Oh, CM. I'm so sorry. I totally understand -- now you can't unsee it, yet you can't really tell him or anyone involved what you saw or how. I'm glad you shared it here. Is there anything you think you can use, without revealing where you saw it? 

I'm really so sorry, CM. This must really be hurting you. ((hugs))
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> Oh, CM. I'm so sorry. I totally understand -- now you can't unsee it, yet you can't really tell him or anyone involved what you saw or how. I'm glad you shared it here. Is there anything you think you can use, without revealing where you saw it?
> 
> I'm really so sorry, CM. This must really be hurting you. ((hugs))
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, and I didn't take any of it. I'm just sort of numb right this minute. Just so many more lies. And to read just a couple of the many love letters was just difficult. And their plans on how it was going to all unfold including discussions with his mom( she printed the emails) was just a lot to take in. I didn't think there could be more. Wow, I'm very um, I don't know what I am.


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## Lon

CM I'm so sorry to hear of your situation, that sounds heartwrenching. You have my thoughts...


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## angelpixie

Oh, sweetie. That is so horrible. And Satan was involved, too -- living up to her name. I've been there, too. I really do understand. I had a similar experience. It's going to take a while to process this. But you can do it. You already knew Nutless was scum, and that he's been lying to you. These new details really hurt, but it's not really changing anything. Cry it out, sweetie, but you can get through this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford

Angel - pie looks bloody awesome

CM - it hurts, I know it does. yesterday I discovered that despite him denying it, Tosspot did actually leave me for another woman. Despite having thought he was lower than pond scum for a number of months now it does sting. Nutless is a hateful tw*t, you are so much better off without him - he's going to do the same to her, you know he is. And when he does you will be over it and you will laugh mwahahahah! Now chin up, the avenging angels are with you, we would love to put his nutsack in a vice right at this point.....


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## lostinspaces

cantmove said:


> No, and I didn't take any of it. I'm just sort of numb right this minute. Just so many more lies. And to read just a couple of the many love letters was just difficult. And their plans on how it was going to all unfold including discussions with his mom( she printed the emails) was just a lot to take in. I didn't think there could be more. Wow, I'm very um, I don't know what I am.


So sorry CM. I did something similar last night, in that it lead to mean learning what I "wanted" to learn ... But probably didn't need to, and definitely felt better without knowing. What is it about us that pushes that "need to know"? Seriously, at the end of the day what difference does it make. We already knew it, we just hadn't totally admitted it to ourselves.


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## Dollystanford

that's just it - what it did for me was show me that I am in fact divorced from a cheat and a liar, not just a suspected cheat and liar


----------



## lostinspaces

Touché 

I guess it will help in time. I'm really starting to hate the word "time".


----------



## unsure78

Angel pie looks awesome!

CM im so sorry, even knowing what you know im sure it still hurt. I cant belive that he is even worse than you thought, what a complete a$$. Hugs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cantmove

Thanks you guys. I know that you are all right. I already knew who he was and that he was a liar and a cheat. But it was difficult seeing all the poems, cards and graphic love letters. But the worst was their journal discussing how and when to do it and talking about my son and I. Satans emails really didn't shock me, hence her name.

I didn't really sleep last night. My head was spinning most of the time. I didn't think it was possible to respect him any less. But apparently it is.

I'm sorry Dolly that you got that confirmation about Tosspot. Also sorry to you Lost. None of this $hit is easy. And Angel, i promise I'll try not to keep hijacking your thread when I have a crisis moment.

Something good did come out of this though. You know how we talk about the affair fog, and how affairs are immature fantasy? When I was going through all that stuff, I felt like I was going through a sixteen year girls things. The poetry and the letters themselves were so childlike. They even had a secret code they wrote in sometimes. Even her handwriting was immature looking. They are both children who don't have a clue about real life and real love. [email protected] pathetic!


----------



## jpr

Hey Cantmove,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I found similar letters, mied cd's of love songs, etc. I would find that sort of stuff in my house while I was cleaning periodically after Sasquatch moved out. Even though I knew he was a liar and cheat, it still stung to read those letters. ....and you are so right! It is such an immature love...the love of a 16 year old girl. 

Swooning for each other. It is disgusting....but, it is also so superficial.  When I would read those letters and emails from his Tart, I would recall a time when Sasquatch used to write those sorts of things to me...when he used to give me that sort of attention. ....and I know that those feelings are fleeting and not withstanding. 

Underneath those letters and words, are just two scoundrels and cheats. Once those feelings evolve and die down, what will remain?...nothing. Just two superficial liars. Like most 16 year old girls, their feelings of love can easily be transferred to another partner...because there is no real meaning and depth behind their feelings. They are not "in it for the long haul". One of them will eventually start looking for another partner. 

This won't last, and in the meantime, you have the opportunity to break yourself from this horrible, rancid man. You have the opportunity to find something true and genuine.

I considered each email, text, letter, mixed cd I had a found a gift. It allowed me to see the truth, and it allowed me to further detach. ....but, it is so hard to read those words. 

I am sorry, Cantmove. ...I know this is hard.


----------



## Ikaika

Cantmove it may not make you feel any better, but it got me thinking. I sat down early this morning before my run to write my wife a love poem. After nearly 18 years I love her more now than I ever thought I would. 

I'm so sorry Angel & cm, my heart goes out to both of you.


----------



## angelpixie

First of all, CM, don't ever worry about posting on my thread. We are all in this together; we all share similar experiences, and therefore, pain. It is painful to know what was going on behind our backs when we were all most likely fighting like hell for our relationships, OR trying to figure out what was going on and beibg told that it was all in our imaginations.

What I found was the same way -- pink pen with girly handwriting from her, declarations of passion from him. Interestingly -- not talk about a future together, as he was still living with me, and she was still living with her boyfriend. It was more about sneaking around and the thrill of not getting caught, of thinking they were fooling everyone. 

If I've learned anything about Chinless, it's that he's in love with 'love' or rather, infatuation. I think having DS kept him with me as long as he was -- he wanted to do the 'right thing' but thought he could have a secret life with his EAs. As long as he could keep gaslighting me, he could keep it up. He's pushing this relationship with the Trampire by inviting her parents to Thanksgiving with DS there, too. Totally against what he'd know I'd want for DS. Chinless can crash & burn for all I care. But he is DS' main male role model. THAT bothers me a LOT.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

I redeemed my roll dough from Thanksgiving. It works much better for pecan cinnamon rolls.


















I always loved doing things like this. But I was always so beaten down when I was with Chinless. It feels so nice to do things like this for DS and myself. I don't feel like he's subconsciously competing with me like Chinless did, or that it has to be just perfect. I can just do it because I like to, and because I want to share it with people I love. That's a nice feeling.


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## Dollystanford

I want your buns!


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## lostinspaces

Seriously angel? Stop, just stop already! I was the cook, but my stbxw was the baker in the relationship so seeing all these yummy things is just torturing my poor tummy! 

*sigh* now I'm going to have to buy a cinnamon roll tomorrow morning


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## jpr

I want to live at your house, Angel.


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## angelpixie

lostinspaces said:


> Seriously angel? Stop, just stop already! I was the cook, but my stbxw was the baker in the relationship so seeing all these yummy things is just torturing my poor tummy!
> 
> *sigh* now I'm going to have to buy a cinnamon roll tomorrow morning



You can bake, too, if you can cook! Matt here is a great baker, and so is Humanbecoming. Lots of guys bake. Don't _buy_ a cinnamon roll, for goodness' sake! 

And just think how impressed your next lady will be when the two of you share homemade rolls in the morning.


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## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> I want your buns!


Doesn't everyone! Get in line!  :rofl:


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## Ikaika

And as I said already... If I wasn't already a happily married man *sigh*


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## lostinspaces

Added to the "make LiS a better person" list: 

Learn to bake


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## humanbecoming

Angel, we should have a TAM cooking channel... 
But you are going to have to do the final assembly, because I don't have the knack to make food look pretty like that!


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## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Doesn't everyone! Get in line!  :rofl:


 **grabs ticket number 2387** RATS!!!


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## angelpixie

Chinless just called. He's on his way over to pick up DS after signing some papers at the bank for the refi. He says he wants to 'bend my ear' for 1/2 hour or so. I'm not feeling good about this. He sounds too friendly.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Chinless just called. He's on his way over to pick up DS after signing some papers at the bank for the refi. He says he wants to 'bend my ear' for 1/2 hour or so. I'm not feeling good about this. He sounds too friendly.


Angel.

Malama pono - stand for what is right in the things that are important. Palms trees can be pushed by strong winds but never broken. Stand tall.


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## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Chinless just called. He's on his way over to pick up DS after signing some papers at the bank for the refi. He says he wants to 'bend my ear' for 1/2 hour or so. I'm not feeling good about this. He sounds too friendly.


Stand your ground! 
I want his balls to the wall!
Be strong soldier!
Ro.bot!


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## TBT

Sounds like he wants something...if he does,then after the talk just tell him you'll get back to him on it...you really don't owe him more than that...jmho.


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## unsure78

stay strong angel...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyKaty

You got this, Angel!


----------



## 06Daddio08

If you are okay with listening.

Then do so.

If there is anything said that makes you uncomfortable, or if there are any questions you are not ready to answer.

"I'm not okay with talking to you right now."

Of course, the 'right now' is BS but it doesn't come off too hostile.


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## jpr

ro.bot 

Be a robot. 

Be a robot. 

I had to repeat that statement to myself several times today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon

> I'm not feeling good about this. He sounds too friendly.


Oh I know that tone alright! Stay strong Angel, and keep it in the front of your mind just how ridiculous he is.


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## Dollystanford

if it gets too much think of him in his SAD visor and onesie boner x


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## jpr

hahahahahaha, Dolly.

That made me laugh.


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## unsure78

he he dolly 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08

how ya doing angel?


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## angelpixie

Well, Jeebus, that was more than a half hour. I'm really having a hard time figuring out how to balance what is worth fighting for and what I should just let go of as far as the settlement is concerned. I am scared about what I'm walking away with, that it won't be enough to really start over a new life. I'm fighting for everything I think I deserve, but at some point, I have to just walk away and stop fighting. 

I had to give up on the clause that would have gotten me some kind of repayment for giving up my education for him, and even then only under very specific circumstances that he'd probably never meet. He simply will not acknowledge that there is already an imbalance and that I'm trying to correct it. That he got two degrees and all but less than $4000 of the debts paid off during our marriage, and I not only had to drop out of my program when I took care of him, but in doing so, lost most of those credits forever. He got immeasurable non-monetary support from me while he didn't work and concentrated only on school. Not even doing much around the house or in taking care of DS. 

I can't even explain it all, but in his mind, if I'm going to ask for him to pay me $100/mo _only if_ he makes $50K/yr or above _only in his area of study_, then I have to pay him if he can only get a job making less than $19K/yr in his field of study. Why? Because he wanted to move to a different area of the country for his PhD as the economy was tanking badly. The assumption was that I could just get another library job while he was in school. The places he wanted to go to had hiring freezes if not actual layoffs and partial closures of their libraries. And since I _didn't get my degree after quitting school_, there's not much chance I'd be hired over some out of work librarian with a Master's degree. I had seniority in my job, we had health insurance through me, we owned a home, etc. It didn't make sense to pick up then. I wasn't against it in principle, but that just didn't make sense for our entire family, not just considering him.

Well, of course I'm not going to agree to such a ridiculous thing as me paying him. I didn't tell him to get an English degree, for god's sake. 

But then he can always trump me by just saying that he made more than I did before he had his breakdown. He's right. I'm in this impossible position of trying to put a monetary value on what I gave up, to try to even things out against his education, but then he compares our wages, and makes me feel like sh!t for asking for half the house equity. It was all done because we were all planning for a future together where we shared everything. His job paid higher wages, but they had no retirement account and the insurance was crappy and really expensive. My job had much cheaper and better insurance, and a retirement plan for me. We acted like those things helped to even it out. We were not planning for a time when we'd have to make up a balance sheet and divide things equitably. But now that that's happening, he knows just what buttons to push and my shame is welling up big time. Everything I would remind him of was never worth as much as the paycheck he brought home. I am just broken. I don't even know how to feel about these last many years with him. I hear him talk about me like I was some lazy-ass drag on his life who didn't do anything but spend his money while he slaved all day. That's absolute bullsh!t. 

But I am tired of this. The moron just tells me today that he only tried to get the loan based on his disability, not on his new program, which would have allowed him to borrow more. So, pretty much no matter what the appraisal come back as, I get one set amount of money, or if it's really high, we put the house on the market and I can wait god knows how long to get maybe a thousand or two more, since we'd have to pay realtor fees, etc. There's other crap too, like him not thinking he should be paying his portion of the health insurance premiums for the last two months since I can't take him off my insurance until the divorce (workplace rules on changing coverage). It's not HIS fault we're not divorced yet (even though he told me he had to get the house refi done first), so it's not really up to him to pay for the insurance. That's over $200 a month out of my paycheck that he thinks I should just not care about. Finally he said he'd split it with me. I had to take that. So, I just kiss over $200 goodbye anyway. 

And once again, he tries to make me out to be some kind of a greedy b!tch because I'm walking away with cash, and he had to _buy_ the house and car from me. I told him they were community property and I was entitled to half. Then he brought up his income again. Fvck. But again he was acting like a victim and I called him on it. 

At one point when I was trying to explain about the health insurance, he got angry and said 'I'm not trying to be some kind of a c0ck, so why are you being a wh0.." Then he stopped himself and said 'b!tch' instead. Like that's so much better. I told him that trying to get part of my own paycheck back did not make me a wh0re. The way it started to come out of his mouth so easily, it just made me really know that that's how he sees me. 

I was feeling really down and ashamed when he left. Like I didn't have a right to anything. But the more I write, the angrier I'm getting. I don't care if he gave me the house and both cars out right, it wouldn't be able to begin to make up for the pain of his EAs, the emotional and psychological abuse, and the constant turmoil and chaos of living with him. I may not have made as much at the library, but I earned every godam penny I'm getting.


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## angelpixie

So, do you want to know what I'll be getting after an 11-year marriage/15 year relationship? A 15-year-old car and $27K. That includes the house equity, my half of the Outback after the loan, $4000 of the $10000 inheritance from my mom, a few months of his student loans after we split and half of 2 months of his health insurance premiums. And my retirement account is only half as big as it used to be. I don't feel like much of a gold-digger.


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## HappyKaty

I'm sorry, Angel. 

Just remember, your happiness and sanity are priceless.

Hugs, sweet lady.


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## Ikaika

Angel,

I want to cry... hell I am crying. God, I am so sorry that this the crap you have to put up with. 

One the other hand, I think you can put a value on your lost income... I just looked it up. I assumed given the time you were married and figuring you probably would have finished your masters in library science 10 years ago. The national statistics for that would come out to an average annual income of $49,500 x 10 = $495,000 - (student loans, books, etc) = a lot more than he is giving you credit for.


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## Ikaika

Thing of it is, I am normally a pretty nice person, until I think someone is trying to hurt or screw over my family and friends. I have to tell you Angel, I am fvcking mad at this guy... not violently, but I would be ready to run numbers up and down his a$$ till he was penniless and asking how much more should he give you. Ok, I know. Let cooler heads prevail.


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## Lon

I agree with Drerio Angel, I (in my imagination only, this is by no means a real physical threat) want to punch chinless repeatedly until he sobs like a baby (though I probably would barely have to raise a hand for that to happen).


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, D and L. I think it is just finally sinking in that we will never agree on my monetary worth to the marriage. I will no longer apologize for asking for my share. *I* know what I did to keep us afloat when he was out of work and getting no disability or anything. I am venting here so that I don't go off on him. Unfortunately, because of DS, I need to maintain a civil relationship. I am debating, however, about asking to speak to him when DS calls to say good night and tell him he is never to call me a b!tch or a wh0re ever again.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Thanks, D and L. I think it is just finally sinking in that we will never agree on my monetary worth to the marriage. I will no longer apologize for asking for my share. *I* know what I did to keep us afloat when he was out of work and getting no disability or anything. I am venting here so that I don't go off on him. Unfortunately, because of DS, I need to maintain a civil relationship. I am debating, however, about asking to speak to him when DS calls to say good night and tell him *he is never to call me a b!tch or a wh0re ever again*.


you damn right he has no right to call you that ever again... My protective instincts are kicking in. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


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## Lon

Yeah if he ever says anything disrespectful, just end of conversation, and 24 hour time out. Or whatever you deem fit.

It is crappy to feel used up like that... when I was married we burned through about $60k in starting my exes business (had to refinance and took that much out of our home equity just to cover all the debt, legal fees, and extra cash for it) and when she left there was absolutely no cash value in it other than her hard earned expertise, and of course it wasn't until she finally started becoming profitable that she decided to have her affairs and leave. What a drain, oh and a basement full of expired experimental beauty products to remind me of the thousands and thousands she spent figuring out how to make her business work.


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## angelpixie

I need to work more on staying cool and dispassionate no matter what. When we are discussing logical things like taxes, etc., I can explain things well and calmly. But when we get to discussing things like the money I'm asking to repay my retirement, I just don't have a logical answer. For him anyway. We can both bring up people (supposedly for him) who back up what we each believe. Unfortunately for me, my state's case law does not specifically back up what I'm asking for. Some states, like California, go even further, and I'd be able to get back half of the student loans I helped to pay because the divorce was so soon after graduation. So, where once he outright agreed to just pay if he used his degree to get a high-paying job I don't benefit from, now he's adding this B.S. about me paying him. And backing it up with how much he earned for the first 5 years we were married. I just don't know if I should fight for it or give up. What are the chances of him ever getting that high-paying of a job? Looking at him now, not much. If he did, I'd probably have to take him to court to enforce the settlement. On the other hand, the total amount adds up to 1/2 year's wages for me, before taxes. Not insignificant. But, broken down over the course of a year, the monthly payments, minus taxes, don't seem worth it. I can sell plasma and get more than that.

So Chinless wins again. Just by being the as$hole that he is.


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## TBT

Jeez Angel,I wouldn't agree to a penny more for any reason...this,whatever he is,makes me wish I could take my type of "alpha" out of retirement and beat some respect into his a*s!


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## Ikaika

I know you are right. It is however good I don't live there. Malama pono


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## jpr

Oh Angel...

One of the reasons that you are probably getting emotional when you are talking to Chinless about this stuff is because you are looking for Chinless to validate your marriage....to put some sort of value on it. You are looking to Chinless to put some sort of 'worth' on the last several years of your life. 

...or maybe I am wrong here and just projecting?......My divorce should be finalized by the end of the week, and I have noticed myself lately getting very sad and very angry...looking for Sasquatch to in some way admit that he actually did love me for all those years...that marriages don't "just fall apart'...that he chose to end this....and that the last half of my life was not just a mirage. Sasquatch will never do that...it is not in his character.

Sasquatch has told me a couple of times that he is sorry for 'how things went down'......I can just imagine Chinless saying that same thing to you...Sorry for how this "whole thing" ruined you financially.


It is not in Chinless' character to look outside of himself and see all that you are sacrificed for him. He will never put the value that you want on those years that you loved him....for all those years that you gave your heart and soul to him. Sadly, he will never put any value to that.

But, that doesn't mean that it didn't have value. It did, Angel. You loved Chinless with all your being, and you would have tried to move mountains for him. That meant something. 

Chinless is just such a degenerate.  He takes and takes and takes from the world around him, and gives token pennies back in return. 

I think it is a good idea to try to remain a ro.bot around Chinless. I have been concentrating on that lately....and I have just been trying to accept that Sasquatch did not place the same value on the last half of our lives as I did. 

....but, I don't understand why you need to pay half of his insurance for the last 2 months for him....:scratchhead:...that just doesn't seem right or legal. :scratchhead:

You should fight for your future, Angel. ...in the most ro.botic way possible.

....I am so sorry.


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## 06Daddio08

Chinless didn't win anything.

He's shown you who he really is.

Doesn't really seem like a winner to me.


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## unsure78

hugs angel hugs....im sorry you have to deal with this d!ck, but i think you did well. ro.bot up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Dearie me, what a pathetic excuse for a man. One of the reasons I just gave Tosspot a lump sum (FAR more than what he should have had) is because I didn't want to be fighting over this and that. If I actually sat down and worked out the financials over the last 13 years he would have ended up owing me money, but I had to just walk away from it. Cut my losses and run. I realise I'm in the fortunate position to be able to do so but it doesn't stop it sticking in my gut...

Taught me a lesson though - that you can't rely on anyone but yourself. NEVAH again!

Dolly hugs >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


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## Ikaika

I know this is not the right thing to say, but if I were there and he had called Angel those terms, she would have change his name to toothless.


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## NoWhere

Don't feel bad I pretty much let my wife walk all over me financially. Too many details to go into, but basically I didn't think it was worth an extended fight and really didn't want to deal with her anymore. Its easy for me to sit here and tell you to stand your ground, but its tough.
Hang in there! You can always make more.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, everybody. 

Dolly -- that's the nut of the problem. He DOES feel like I owe him, not even that we should share 50/50. In fact he has actually said that he thinks he's doing more than he should by splitting the house with me 50/50, since he earned more than 50% of the income. We don't live in a community property state, we live in an equitable division state. So, if I were to push things, he could push back and theoretically I'd get even less than what I'm getting now. Do I risk that? Would a judge look at the evidence I put out there and say I deserved less than 1/2 the house? I personally don't think so, and I'd bet my lawyer wouldn't let it happen, but can I guarantee that?

HB -- You are absolutely right about the abuse. He was pushing my shame buttons left and right, and he knew it. I'm doing better than I was with him, but I try to answer insanity with logic and that doesn't work. And I told him the very thing you said: that his degree will automatically get him a foot in the door for most anything, that I will not get since I don't have one. He denies that, because he must remain a victim. 

jpr -- No, you're on the right track. I'm not really looking for validation from him: I know what I did, and I know what I went through, without a doubt, thanks to all the therapy and everything. But without _his_ admission of that, we will not ever come to a mutual agreement on this. And paradoxically, every time we talk, he ends up denying more and putting a lower value on my contribution to the marriage, not the other way around. 

All kinds of things are going through my mind right now. I get angry and think about just burning my bridges with him. Writing a letter to his family spilling everything: the abuse, the EAs, everything. Telling them that I'm going for everything that's due me, and it will likely get ugly. I can tell by the change in their treatment of me that he's been telling a very one-sided story, so I don't really have much to lose, I think. Then I tell my lawyer to fight for everything, down to every last penny. You're right: there's no way in hell I should be paying for his insurance premiums, for example.

But I know that's ridiculous. The law in this state isn't on my side. I'm lucky I'm getting back even $4000 of my inheritance. The law just changed this year on that: I used to be able to get it all, but now I can only get what went into a tangible asset. The other amount went to pay off our credit cards so that we could get a car loan. That's just gone. And he thinks, again, that's just tough sh!t for me. He doesn't have any money to give me. The program he's getting into for his business is very restrictive on how much he's earning and where it's going, how much he has to keep in the bank, etc. He wouldn't be able to give me anything anyway. And since at that point he'd have to get a lawyer, too, he'd have even less. 

And the animosity between us would accomplish what? He still won't admit the truth about our marriage; in fact, the more I seek what's rightfully mine, he gets worse. And most importantly of all: how does this affect DS? We don't have extended family here to help buffer. All we have is each other, unfortunately. 

In the end, I am still left trying to go forward with someone who thinks he's rational and healthy and beyond honorable, and who I know to instead be very disordered, dishonest, abusive and totally self-absorbed. 

There came a point last night when I just couldn't say anything to him. I couldn't even look at him. I was just filled with such hatred for him. I hated him for taking my love for him and making it seem sick and dirty and worthless. I hated him because this experience has forever changed how I feel about marriage, about relationships. No matter how I might feel about someone in my future, I will never be able to trust the same way. I can never advise anyone to trust the way I did, to mingle everything, to plan a future with blended assets or shared 'investments' for the future. Definitely the sadder and wiser girl now.

This person who relentlessly pursued me now thinks I'm a wh0re. Unbelievable.


----------



## unsure78

wh0re... hmmm who was the one who had the affair? good god angel I truly wish I could make it better for all of us...


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> I was just filled with such hatred for him. I hated him for taking my love for him and making it seem sick and dirty and worthless. I hated him because this experience has forever changed how I feel about marriage, about relationships. No matter how I might feel about someone in my future, I will never be able to trust the same way. I can never advise anyone to trust the way I did, to mingle everything, to plan a future with blended assets or shared 'investments' for the future. Definitely the sadder and wiser girl now.


 This is exactly how I feel towards my STBXw. Even though a lot of times I miss her at the same time a lot of times I just hate her for what she has done and how she did it. I'm not sure if I can ever trust anyone again in a relationship and I'm not sure I can be a better person in another relationship because of these thoughts.


----------



## jpr

He is a disgusting piece of poop. I can't believe he called you that. I want the karma bus too run over him so badly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

I realize I forgot to tell you all how he very generously offered to do 'everything he can' to help me if I go back to school. Like what, you ask? Oh, if I need to find out how to get cheaper textbooks, he'll help me (me who never bought a textbook in the bookstore in my life? I need his help bargain hunting?), if he needs me to find some kind of software, he'll get it for me (ie pirating it from somewhere), we can 'talk about' rearranging when he sees DS if I need to attend class at a certain time (I'm sure that depends on whether or not the Trampire lets him), and... *if I have trouble understanding a concept, and he's read a book on it, he'll explain it to me. *

Words cannot express my gratitude. Especially for that last one.


----------



## jpr

What an a-hole.


I want to kick him in his nether-regions...really, really hard.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I realize I forgot to tell you all how he very generously offered to do 'everything he can' to help me if I go back to school. Like what, you ask? Oh, if I need to find out how to get cheaper textbooks, he'll help me (me who never bought a textbook in the bookstore in my life? I need his help bargain hunting?), if he needs me to find some kind of software, he'll get it for me (ie pirating it from somewhere), we can 'talk about' rearranging when he sees DS if I need to attend class at a certain time (I'm sure that depends on whether or not the Trampire lets him), and... *if I have trouble understanding a concept, and he's read a book on it, he'll explain it to me. *
> 
> Words cannot express my gratitude. Especially for that last one.


Sorry the last one got me too... . But my response would have been to fall on the ground laughing. 

English major, huh... I would put my wife up against him in a game of scrabble any day of the week. I can guarantee you he would leave with his tail between his legs.


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> *if I have trouble understanding a concept, and he's read a book on it, he'll explain it to me. *
> 
> Words cannot express my gratitude. Especially for that last one.


 Oh man what a great asset to have at your disposal!


----------



## angelpixie

He is extremely smart, no doubt about it. But I'm really not the moron he has apparently come to believe I am.


----------



## Lon

angelpixie said:


> He is extremely smart, no doubt about it. But I'm really not the moron he has apparently come to believe I am.


There is "smart" and there is smart, he is not the latter. As for you, the smart ones all know you're brilliant.


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## NoWhere

Anyone who would say they could read a book to help you understand a concept can't be all that smart. Atleast not smart enough to know the difference between a proper or improper thing to say to someone.


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## humanbecoming

Man...he deserves the onsie award for the week!


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## jpr

I want to kick him in his gonads.




Gawd. He is such a pompous poop!


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## angelpixie

Well, maybe not the karma bus, but... the karma Subaru? He forgot some of DS' school stuff when we transferred yesterday afternoon, so he dropped it off when we got home from group last night. He told me he may not be able to see DS tomorrow afternoon as usual because he's having car trouble again. Same thing as before ($$$), and this time, our usual mechanic won't want to work on it (and won't do the labor for free this time around) because that engine is such a PITA to work on. So he'll have to take it to the dealer. Since I have DS, I have no reason (nor inclination) to offer any help to him, and he didn't ask.


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## Ikaika

I so enjoy reading your writing... I'm serious you really need to get published. I know much of it is written out of a plethora of emotions, but why not take advantage of your talent and wealth of experience. 

Anyway sounds like toothless is a manipulator who has played his hand one too many times. Game over. 

Off topic: take pic of your first snow that sticks.  love those autumn pics... You live in gorgeous area. Take care


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## angelpixie

Thanks for the compliment, D. I do enjoy getting it out here. I guess a little snarkitude helps now and then. 

As for our first snow? We have a lot in the mountains, but here in the valley, it's kind of hit or miss. I know my sled-loving son is sure waiting for lots of snow, too!


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## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Thanks for the compliment, D. I do enjoy getting it out here. I guess a little snarkitude helps now and then.
> 
> As for our first snow? We have a lot in the mountains, but here in the valley, it's kind of hit or miss. I know my sled-loving son is sure waiting for lots of snow, too!


I think you should just make a dictionary of all the terms you make up. Hmm let me see lets look at C:


> *chinless* noun, adj
> 
> noun
> *1.* Person with no chin
> *2.* Someone with no redeeming qualities or a male afraid to man up.
> *3.* Angel's pos STBXH
> 
> *Origin:* 2012 TAM website originally posted by AngelPixie.


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## angelpixie

Rest in peace, AI. I know you were in pain, but he wasn't worth your life. I hope your daughter will be OK without her mom.


----------



## our vision shattered

Whats going on with ai ????????


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## angelpixie

She took her life on the 20th. Someone who FB'd with her posted it on AI's thread tonight.


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## our vision shattered

Whats going on with ai ????????


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> she took her life on the 20th. Someone who fb'd with her posted it on ai's thread tonight.


omg... 

I hate to sound ignorant, who exactly is ai, she was a member of TAM, I am assuming. Is there anything we can do? Do any of the surviving family members need any financial help? Do you know if there is any fund drive being created to help? I want cry.


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## angelpixie

Her name here was Abandonment Issues. Her H left her when she was pregnant. She had a very rough delivery, almost didn't make it. He wanted very little to do with her or the baby, but would never just say he was done. The limbo was very, very hard on her. She had a bright future. She was in school to be a nurse and was doing very well at it. It's just so heartbreaking that she gave everything up, especially her little daughter, for that POS. I just hope to God he doesn't get custody of the baby.

I don't know if there is anything we can do for her. Up asked her FB friend if there was a FB memorial, but there isn't. Her family deactivated her FB.


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## our vision shattered

Omg !!!!!!!!!!!!!, i dont even know what to say (((((


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## angelpixie

I know, Andy. I'm still in shock.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Her name here was Abandonment Issues. Her H left her when she was pregnant. She had a very rough delivery, almost didn't make it. He wanted very little to do with her or the baby, but would never just say he was done. The limbo was very, very hard on her. She had a bright future. She was in school to be a nurse and was doing very well at it. It's just so heartbreaking that she gave everything up, especially her little daughter, for that POS. I just hope to God he doesn't get custody of the baby.
> 
> I don't know if there is anything we can do for her. Up asked her FB friend if there was a FB memorial, but there isn't. Her family deactivated her FB.


I am crying... I can't believe, how could anyone walk away from their pregnant wife and child. Please Angel, if you find out if there is a fund for the child please let me know. My heart is aching.


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## Lon

This is so sad. I hope her soul has found some peace, and I pray God watches over that baby so close.


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## Matt1720

thinking of AI


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## angelpixie

Absolutely I will, drerio.


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## our vision shattered

Too much to even deal with, for me !!! I am speachless, what a sweet girl, fs & bcc so glad you stayed with us


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## TBT

This hurts my heart so terribly


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## angelpixie

our vision shattered said:


> Too much to even deal with, for me !!! I am speachless, what a sweet girl, *fs & bcc so glad you stayed with us*


I was thinking the same thing, OVS.


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## Matt1720

I need to give some IRL hugs


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## Dollystanford

how awful, and that poor baby  I don't even know what to say...


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## our vision shattered

We should start a memorial on here & everybody keep her alive on her, im seriously rattled to my core, if i ever had the chance to take somebody out he'd be the 1st on my list that f'ing pos mfer, sorry angel


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## angelpixie

I'd like to start something as well, OVS. i'd also like to start some kind of collection for her baby, but I don't know if her FB friend has any contact information so we can get it ti AI's folks.i'd want to make absolutely sure that pos couldn't get his hands on it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Matt1720

wishing AI the best


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## jpr

Oh my gosh... AI? Oh no.

This is shocking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78

What? oh my god, i cant believe it... i know she was down but she was so smart and had her and that baby whole life ahead of her...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

I did contact the friend to see what info she can give us to help locate AI's parents. I'll let you all know if I hear back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I did contact the friend to see what info she can give us to help locate AI's parents. I'll let you all know if I hear back.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you Angel


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## Lifescript

This is really sad. I remember some of her posts. She was so confused, not knowing what to do. Desperate for him to show some compassion, man up and take care of her and the baby. I don't know how some men can do that? 

RIP AI.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

*************AI IS ALIVE****************

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/61951-urgent-about-ai.html

BUT she is still in a very dark place, so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.


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## TBT

This is such good news Angel...AI and all the other struggling and heartbroken are in my prayers.


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## angelpixie

Trying to keep a migraine at bay for another hour and 15 minutes. Just feeling nauseous.  I want to go to bed so badly.


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## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Trying to keep a migraine at bay for another hour and 15 minutes. Just feeling nauseous.  I want to go to bed so badly.


Here let me fluff your pillows, tuck you in and make you some hot chocolate with a frothy marshmellow topping. Would you like a back rub to go with that? :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

OMG -- where have you been all my life?!


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## NoWhere

Trapped under the heels of an apparently ungrateful and unloving women.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Trying to keep a migraine at bay for another hour and 15 minutes. Just feeling nauseous.  I want to go to bed so badly.


I hope you at least have some ovc medication to deal with it. I don't suffer from them, but I see my wife have them from time to time... it looks awful. I feel for you. I usually send her to bed and I deal with the kiddos.


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## angelpixie

I don't have anything here, so I'll have to wait. Hopefully, I can just lay down in the dark for a while and that will help. I'll have to skip STFC tonight. I really could have used some fun this week, too. Been a stressful one. Which is probably where the migraine came from...

Drerio -- doing that for your wife is very sweet. I'm sure she is very grateful.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I don't have anything here, so I'll have to wait. Hopefully, I can just lay down in the dark for a while and that will help. I'll have to skip STFC tonight. I really could have used some fun this week, too. Been a stressful one. Which is probably where the migraine came from...
> 
> Drerio -- doing that for your wife is very sweet. I'm sure she is very grateful.


Well for all she does for the family and putting up with me... I am equally grateful and some.


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## angelpixie

Score one for Chinless. He called to tell me when he was dropping DS off and he could tell that I wasn't feeling well. I told him about my head and he said he'd keep DS with him til just before bedtime. I really appreciate that. 

So, I'll be able to lay down for a while in the dark.


----------



## HappyKaty

humanbecoming said:


> Feel better angel! You need a nice strong drink- winter weather calls for hot coco mixed with creme de Coco and whipped cream flavor vodka.
> 
> One or two of those, and your headache won't bother you until tomorrow


Thank you for that recipe.


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## angelpixie

Chinless ended up offering to just keep DS overnight, and while I hate being beholden to him, I said OK. It took til the middle of the night before my headache finally broke, but it finally did, thank goodness. 

My IC could tell that I needed to make my next appointment earlier than our (now) usual 2 weeks, so she squeezed me in next week. Then she called and actually said she had a cancellation for today. So, I'll be able to get a little extra time to help with how I'm responding to Chinless. I want to go in with a full armour, rather than having to dig through my bag for weapons in the midst of an attack.

Have got to remember to grab the last of my things out of the joint storage unit today, since it's the last day of the month. I'd wanted to split it over yesterday and today, but that didn't work out. All I have left are some furniture pieces I want to sell anyway. 


HB: Thanks for the cocoa recipe. I no longer have a liquor stock (although I should get that stuff from Chinless since he can't drink), but I'll keep that in mind.


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## unsure78

Glad your migraine broke Angel


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## Lon

Angel, I sympathize for your headaches... I often get tension headaches (apparently not same as migraines) and they can be crippling. Mine often happen at the end of the work week, so many friday nights and saturdays ruined. Don't worry about that chinless had to take your son, it was in the best interest of your son, thats what parents do.


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## angelpixie

Had a good IC appointment today. I was already feeling better just being on the other side of my migraine, but was able to get a lot out. She didn't think I handled it as badly as I did, and surprised me by giving an opinion (which she rarely does) that I shouldn't back down on the settlement anymore. That I shouldn't take into account whether it makes him retain a lawyer or not. Our relationship is already so damaged that I need to stop thinking in terms of protecting what little is left, even for the sake of co-parenting. I need to look at what I need to provide a good home for DS and me. We talked about some things I can do and say when faced with his crazymaking behavior. That to remember that even though he seems really high-functioning, he will do these things because he is disordered. I can't counteract that on my own. I have to work more on remembering that, instead of getting fooled and thinking I can reason with him.

It's true about the settlement, too. I'm already getting so little to start over with that even a few hundred dollars here or there may make a big difference. There's no reason why DS stays with Chinless in a nice 3BR house and in god knows where with me. As it is, it will definitely be a step down. The question is just 'how far' at this point.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Had a good IC appointment today. I was already feeling better just being on the other side of my migraine, but was able to get a lot out. She didn't think I handled it as badly as I did, and surprised me by giving an opinion (which she rarely does) that I shouldn't back down on the settlement anymore. That I shouldn't take into account whether it makes him retain a lawyer or not. Our relationship is already so damaged that I need to stop thinking in terms of protecting what little is left, even for the sake of co-parenting. I need to look at what I need to provide a good home for DS and me. We talked about some things I can do and say when faced with his crazymaking behavior. That to remember that even though he seems really high-functioning, he will do these things because he is disordered. I can't counteract that on my own. I have to work more on remembering that, instead of getting fooled and thinking I can reason with him.
> 
> It's true about the settlement, too. I'm already getting so little to start over with that even a few hundred dollars here or there may make a big difference. There's no reason why DS stays with Chinless in a nice 3BR house and in god knows where with me. As it is, it will definitely be a step down. The question is just 'how far' at this point.


Angel, even if your new surroundings are more humble than previously, I would be reluctant to suggest you are taking a step down in life. From what I have read about how you were years past versus now, you certainly are at a higher plan in your life. It may be drastically different, but by no means have you stepped down, in my humble opinion.


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## Ikaika

Angel 

I know you are drinking tonight, but letting you know I am send you a toast. 

To my dear friend Angel, though the adventure ahead may seem uncertain and mysterious may you have the strength to move boulders and not be broken by any strong head winds. And, may you also find peace and serenity in along your sojourn. Cheers (I raise my bottle to you). Take Care


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## angelpixie

Another roller-coaster convo tonight. I'm hoping this is getting more heated and emotional for and between us because we're down to the final steps of the D. He got the appraisal back today. It was lower than 2 years ago, though he rated the house very highly on everything. He didn't compare it with any others that are the exact model of our house, just took houses in our development, figured out the price/square foot, then multiplied it by our square footage. That doesn't seem right if you're comparing the price on a 2 BR/1 BA house to our 3BR/2BA house. I know we can't really dispute it at any rate. The appraiser told him that the banks have been under pressure from the Feds to keep house appraisals low so that they don't lend too much money. I don't know if that's true, but Chinless said he had an extra form to sign this time that had to do with some new Federal regulations. 

So my heart just sunk. I figured that would lower what I would get even further. Chinless surprised me and said he would pay based on the amount we agreed on. The only problem would be that he could only borrow a percentage of the appraised value, so now he couldn't get as much of a cash-out. So, now between the house refi and ALL of my retirement, he will still owe me nearly $3K. He transferred $1K of it today (WHERE is the getting this money?), and will make the rest in payments according to our D agreement. 

So, then it was time to discuss the education/job clause. That was gut-wrenching. We managed to not yell, though some very tough things were said. He again kept trying to tell me that if something were to happen and I lost my job, of course he'd help me, either financially or to then do what he could to get my business going further. I asked why I should believe him when he didn't help that much with my business when we were married? Did he really think that whoever he was with would be OK with him giving money and or time to his ex-wife? I didn't think that was very realistic. He told me that I should look at how much he helps me and does for me even now at the worst of our relationship -- certainly, I can trust his promises. I told him that I wasn't trying to start a fight, but we are in this very position because of some pretty big broken promises. He said he knew that yes, he broke his promise to be married to me, but he would never let the Trampire stop him from helping me -- besides, she'd never do that. He would tell her. That hit me. He expects to be with her for good. I know the odds of that are not high, but still it was just really hitting me. 

It went on for a long time. He denied calling me a wh0re -- in fact laughed like I was crazy when I brought it up to him. He said he'd never called me anything like that before, which is true, but I know what I heard. But I've been through this enough time over the years with him. He is mentally ill and says things (sometimes some pretty outrageous things) that he doesn't remember. I don't sit there and plan ridiculous things I can accuse him of saying. That just doesn't happen. 

I decided to give up on the education repayment clause. If something happens and he is making tons of money and I lose my job, I just don't even want to think of going to him to beg the little bit of money I was asking for, after hearing telling me how he and the Trampire would be sure to help me out. Why in the fvck should I believe that? He walked out on me -- why is he going to help me, when he didn't give a damn to work on our marriage? 

Which, btw, he congratulates himself on, saying 'Someone had to do the wise thing.' Well, since we never once went to a single MC session (which I begged for), we'll never know if anything could have been repaired, will we? Knowing what I've learned since then, I realize that MC would have been pointless for someone with his mental issues. But since I did start reading books on relationships and going to IC and trying to put those things to practice, my conscience is clear on whether or not I would have tried. 

The end is what killed me. Again, he said he wanted to be friends. He said he knew that despite what I thought, he knew he was a good person, and that I'm a good person, too. I told him that I did not think I could ever think of him as a friend. He started to cry and said that made him feel really sad, but he understood. That when there is such a rupture of a relationship like we had, it's hard to get enough trust back to think of someone as a friend. I felt like he was repeating something someone had told him. Like

IC: So, Chinless, what do you hope your relationship with Angel will end up like?

Chinless: Well, I think I'm a good person and she's a good person, so I hope we can be friends.

IC: But Chinless, you should understand, when there's been a rupture in a relationship like yours, she may have a difficult time getting enough trust back to be friends with you. 

Chinless: That makes me sad, but I understand.

Then he said he hoped I would just get the papers from my lawyer and we could file together and just do the D together. Almost gave me this feeling like we'd walk the papers up to the judge together like we walked up to the JP and the altar together (had 2 ceremonies). I will not go with him on the day of the judgement. I don't want to see fake sorrow on his face for something he thinks he was 'wise' to do the way he did. 

At then end of the conversation, when we were ready to hang up, something about the way he said 'Take care. Goodbye, Angel' just killed me. It reminded me of the way he used to say my name. I fell apart so badly, I just went in the bathroom and cried so hard I vomited. It all just felt so fresh all over again. I thought I was more hardened in my feelings towards him. But it's almost harder when he's not nasty. When he talks in a nicer voice. I had to keep reminding myself while we were on the phone of all the times he was so evil in his gaslighting me and lying to me and choosing other women over me. Otherwise, it would have been so easy to believe him. He plays the role so well, of someone who cares. He was telling me how much he believed in me, my business, my ability to go back to school, how he'd help me because he cares and I'm a good person. I wanted him to mean it, but I know better. He's a very smooth and convincing talker when he wants to be. But then, after that, I just felt even more alone than ever. 
I had to hide in the bathroom because I didn't want DS to see or hear me cry. I feel stupid saying this, but I wanted someone to hold me so badly. I really, really needed it.

But it will end eventually. I know that. I need to harden up the callouses again, and keep up with not doing any more with him than I have to. Even though it was rainy and dark by the time we were done and I made dinner for DS, I still went out to his side of town and got the last of my stuff out of the joint storage unit. Will save me $30+/month, at least.


----------



## nice777guy

No Trampire is ever going to agree to help you out. If she was such a great person, she wouldn't have hooked up with a married man.

Sincerely,

Mr, Obvious


----------



## Lon

yeah as soon as trampire sinks her fangs into chinless' piggy bank there will be none left for you, sadly - especially considering its largely about the well being of your DS.


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## angelpixie

i feel better now. tough day, but those will happen. looking forward to taking ds to some holiday things around town during the day, a light parade, dinner with friends, then he'll stay with them while i go to contra. if the rain stops, we'll put lights up on sunday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unsure78

angel <<hugs>> dont ever believe him, nice is just bull sh!t, hes just using it to suck you back in so you wont stay strong. blues is doing the same thing to me right now, being nice calling 4 times a day cause he wants me to help him out. It CRAP... hes just trying to use you. just remeber what they did, if they could do that to their wives, what kind of garbage do you think they will pull on their exwives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere

I think they just say those things to make themselves feel better about what they are doing.
Mine told me everything from 'your such a great guy and so intelligent you deserve someone better'
And 'you are so good looking and in such great shape you will have no problem finding someone else'

The list goes on and on. I even got the 'i still love you deeply and want us to be good friends'
I think they just feel guilty and say that stuff.

Just hang in there Angel. You will get through this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Oh Angel....gosh. Sometimes I think that Chinless=Sasquatch.

My "conversation" with Sassie last week went very similarly. I, too, often feel like he is just repeating phrases or sayings that one of his many therapists have told him (...or his pysch-grad-student Tart...)

I think in his mind, this divorce was our only option. But, like you, I don't understand how he could be so certain of that without even trying MC. In Sasquatch's mind, he was the "strong" one...the one who left the marriage. 

Sasquatch also acts like we should be friends...but, then he will say that he "understands" why I don't want to be around him. His response is, "You. are. en.titl.ed to your re.action. to. my ac.tions." <---said in a ro.botic voice. 

...he'll speak in platitudes, and tell me that I am the one person in this world who he respects the most...and it hurts him knowing that he hurt me.  ..blah...blah...blah. 

Don't trust Chinless. His words do not match his actions. You are right to distrust that he will be there for you financially in the future. Both Sassie and Chinless have proven that, when push comes to shove, they will act only in their own interest. They are self-serving, and will only help others when it is convenient to them....or if they get a big reward for doing so.

Fight for what you are entitled to, and get everything in writing. 

...and I know how much it hurts to hear Chinless talk of a future with Trampire.  I know.  Sassie was talking about his future with his Tart too. ...even though I *know* that the yoga-meditating-holistic-vegetarian-"I'm afraid of microwave ovens"-Tart and meateating-beer drinking-video game playing-explosive pooping-Sasquatch are not a lasting match, it still hurts to hear of his plans with her.

This is a down spot right now. ...and it is very sad. Very, very, very sad. But, I think it is a good idea to plan fun holiday acitvities with your son. I did that yesterday, and it worked wonders. I spend the afternoon/evening doing all sorts of fun things with my son. Just him and me--and it made the world of difference in my mood.

*hugs*

I wish I could teleport over there.


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## soca70

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

<<I think they just say those things to make themselves feel better about what they are doing.
Mine told me everything from 'your such a great guy and so intelligent you deserve someone better'
And 'you are so good looking and in such great shape you will have no problem finding someone else'

The list goes on and on. I even got the 'i still love you deeply and want us to be good friends'
I think they just feel guilty and say that stuff.>>

Nowehere's STBXW has the same script as mine. I think this is the same line as as "It's not you. It's me" as a way to soften the blow.


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## angelpixie

Well, as of this morning, pretty much all of my plans for today have fallen through. Chinless agreed to switch today with me because we were invited to do all the holiday things with friends of DS and mine. They called this morning -- the whole house has the flu and had to cancel. They were also going to watch DS for me while I went to contra tonight. So....when Chinless came to pick up DS to take him to breakfast, I told him, and he said he wanted the day back. I'm surprised since he had him the extra night when I had my migraine. And he told me he and his French bff will be taking photos of the parade tonight, so he won't even be _with_ DS the whole time. So now it looks like I have the whole day to myself when I'd planned on trying to get into some holiday spirit with DS and other people. 

I guess I'll just concentrate on making my place ready to put the tree up, and then I'll go to contra tonight. I'm sure I'll feel better when I can get my place looking nicer.


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## angelpixie

Maybe breakfast didn't go too well? Now I'm supposed to pick DS up at Chinless' place in 1/2 hour and I can have him all day, even for the parade. Chinless will take him tonight in exchange for a night in December, so I can dance all night guilt free.  

And I made two more sales in my shop. Some lucky guy is getting a very loud pair of polyester pants for Christmas, lol!


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## jpr

Awesome!....things always seem to have a way of getting better in life, if you just continue to hold on and hold still for a while.


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## angelpixie

Why did I want to do this again, lol? 35 degrees, sporadic rain, freezing my heinie waiting for the parade at the end of the route where the bonfire will be. And it's just taunting my stiff fingers right now, lol. I need some of hb's 'special' cocoa!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Tonight at contra I had some good news. My friend has the same type of schedule change with her kids that I do at the beginning of the year, so her son will be with her on contra nights like DS will be with me. So instead of both of us having to miss out because our kids won't want to go solo, they'll have each other to keep company -- they are in the same class at school, and are friends anyway. Yay!! I was kind of sad thinking I only had one more Saturday night dance until April. And it looks like I'll still be able to do the monthly Friday advanced dance, too. Huzzah!

Multiple times tonight, my dance partner at the time mentioned how much fun I was having. And once, I was actually told 'Wow, you look soooo happy!'


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## jpr

I love this, Angel....I love how you exuded happiness and joy. What a wonderful night!


----------



## BigMac

> Multiple times tonight, my dance partner at the time mentioned how much fun I was having. And once, I was actually told '*Wow, you look soooo happy*!'


Best thing to hear on a Sunday morning


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## lostinspaces

It's great to see you happy Angel. Smiles are contagious after all!


----------



## TBT

Hi Angel,do you know if FS gave any reason before he deleted his thread?


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## angelpixie

TBT - No! I didn't realize thst he did. I saw earlier today that he mentioned he had an appt with the therapist he was seeing. She told him not to come on here anymore - I wonder if that had anything to do with it. Geez, I hope he's OK.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT

You and me both.I know he didn't put too much value on the therapist.Hope to see him log in.


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## angelpixie

Just PM'd you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soca70

I know FS's psychiatrist was telling him not to come on here like angel indicated. She just seemed like such a wrong fit for him. I also hope he's OK.


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## 06Daddio08

soca70 said:


> I know FS's psychiatrist was telling him not to come on here like angel indicated. She just seemed like such a wrong fit for him. I also hope he's OK.


Regardless.

If a person cannot take accountability for reality, nothing will help them.


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## angelpixie

I know, Up, but some of us take longer to get there, and need a little more time and help to see that there's a light at the end of their dark tunnel.


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## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> I know, Up, but some of us take longer to get there, and need a little more time and help to see that there's a light at the end of their dark tunnel.


I understand.

I was one of them.

Doesn't matter how much we talk, preach and advise.

In the end it's up to the individual to finally stop feeling sorry for themselves and take control.

Even if that control only entails getting up in the morning and eating a decent meal.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, since I looked this morning, his posts are now all gone. He didn't answer my PM from last night, either. I just hope he is going to be OK. There's not much more that can be done at this point. 

If you see this, Daniel, there are people here who care about you and Baby D. Reach out if you need to.


----------



## angelpixie

Just spoke to STBXH. They bank is ready to close on the re-fi. They have the quit claim ready for me to sign at the title company. It's right by the Y, so I'll go on my way there tonight. Hopefully, the title company can get him in to do the closing this week. So, the house will not be 'mine' anymore. There are some of my things there that are too big to move out til I have a more permanent place.

Speaking of someone having a permanent place, I found out today that Trampire is coming home for 3 weeks over Christmas break. Staying with him, and for at least part of the time, DS. Chinless knows how I feel about this, but doesn't care. I have DS through all of his school vacation, of course, and I'd asked his dad if he could split the child care with me (since I actually work during the day). That's when he said, 'I think so, but I don't know what our (his emphasis) plans are.' So that's when I found out she'll be here, to celebrate the New Year, and the Big D if it happens soon enough. 

I have to just keep hoping that some year I won't be alone on New Year's Eve. I was on the last few of our marriage, too, as he was partying at friends' houses. 

Whatever. I will have the majority of the money I'll be getting, but it won't be enough to buy anything yet. Frustrating. I hate paying the rent that I am, knowing that a mortgage payment would be cheaper. But at least I know I'm free to start looking now. Since DS goes to middle school next year, it actually widens my available area in which to look. I'm working on getting excited about it. This is a really big step. I've been waiting for it and dreading it at the same time. 

I suddenly feel overwhelmingly tired. I'm glad I have a break to look forward to this winter.


----------



## jpr

I'm sorry, Angel. I know what you mean about New Year's. Sasquatch told me that he has big plans on New Years Eve too...and wanted to make sure that I would be available to watch our son.



It is okay, though. There is no one that I would rather spend New Year's Eve with other than my little dancing boy. 

I might have some friends over and just have a fun party at my house.

Maybe you and The Brick's mom can get together and let your son and The Brick ring in the New Year together?

....getting a new place is super exciting...but, daunting too, I'm sure.

This is all falling into place, though. 2013 will be your year.


----------



## angelpixie

Gee, I hope so. 2010-2012 have all sucked big time.


----------



## TBT

angelpixie said:


> Gee, I hope so. 2010-2012 have all sucked big time.


Just remember when you're reflecting on New Year's eve,how far you've come,how much stronger you are and all the many things you've done so very right.Though 2010-2012 may have sucked big time,I know you've touched a few lives over that same time span and helped make their burdens a little lighter.


----------



## our vision shattered

angelpixie said:


> Gee, I hope so. 2010-2012 have all sucked big time.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## our vision shattered

I gave up partying on new years eve 15 years ago, thats my sons birthday


----------



## angelpixie

TBT said:


> Just remember when you're reflecting on New Year's eve,how far you've come,how much stronger you are and all the many things you've done so very right.Though 2010-2012 may have sucked big time,I know you've touched a few lives over that same time span and helped make their burdens a little lighter.



I just want to say, TBT, that you are always so sweet and supportive. I have really appreciated it. 

And you're fun to play the Social games with, too. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

I did sign the papers today for my part of the switchover of the house. I talked to him at the store tonight where we met to switch off DS for the week. Everything's been approved, he's just waiting for the paperwork to get to the title company from the underwriter. Hopefully that will happen by the end of the week. If not, then early next week. He'll ask them to just deposit the money right into my account. 

Felt so weird to sign all that away. In a few places on the quit claim, the document used the phrase 'To have and to hold.' That kind of stung. But it's all a part of the process. Hurting about it doesn't help anything. Amazing, though, how that document would be enforceable in court, but a marriage contract isn't.

Not that anyone should have to force someone to be married to them, that's not what I'm saying.


----------



## our vision shattered

Sorry you triggered angel, I hate those, I married & loved a very very damaged woman before the accident, I think god has a plan, I hope so, thinking of ya


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, sweetie. Hope you're doing OK tonight.


----------



## our vision shattered

Im ok, I think the realization of the true end is catching me a little, had ic tonight & I really really like him, always feel good after talking with him, thanks for always being there for us when your deep in your own troubles.


----------



## unsure78

One less thing to stress about Angel, just think like that...


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> I know, Up, but some of us take longer to get there, and need a little more time and help to see that there's a light at the end of their dark tunnel.


 Some of us forgot to get batteries for our lights.


----------



## angelpixie

Speaking of lights, I knew I had a headlight out, but my general inertia has prevented me from getting it replaced. Last night, as I pulled out from the grocery store parking lot after dropping off DS with his dad, I saw a patrol car immediately put its lights on, pull a U-ey, and yep, pulled me over. It was pouring rain (still ). It was about my light, and I think I did a good job of feigning surprise.  He gave me a warning and off I went. 
Today, I'd planned to check back at the house to see if we had any spare bulbs when I dropped DS off after school. He wanted to stay with me a little extra, so with the constant cloud cover, it was already really dusky by 5 p.m. I did find a spare bulb, but for a tail light (I did grab it, though, lol). Chinless showed me how to remove the assembly (I hope I can do it, looks tricky). Then I got ready to go. Suddenly, he's tapping on my window. 'You know you don't have any lights now, right?' Yes, in those few minutes, my _other_ headlight was also out, and now it was almost pitch black. So, I hurried to drive to Walmart, which was the nearest place with bulbs (I hoped). I hated to put on my high beams, but I didn't have any choice. I pulled up to a red light, and saw reflected in the car in front of me, only ONE highbeam! So out of 4 possible lights, only 1 was now working. What luck, huh?
I did get the bulbs at WM, but didn't want to change them in the rain/dark tonight, so I'll have to do it immediately after I get home from work tomorrow. 

I kept the package of bulbs on the seat next to me just in case I got pulled over again, just so I could say 'See, I know -- I have them!!' $20 for two bulbs! Grr.


-----------------

And all along, Chinless has told me that the few things I have still at the house can stay there til I move into a new place. Suddenly last night and today, he's handing me things from our garden shed, like outside planters and things like that. Really? You need to get rid of that now? And since I haven't suddenly gotten a larger place than I had 2 days ago, I don't know where I"m supposed to be putting all this stuff. He asked tonight if I minded if he gave me things 'as he found them.' I said that nothing had changed in my living arrangements, so I still couldn't really take it. So, he's now going to put them in the storage unit I just took my other shop stuff out of, and (lucky me) he won't charge me for half the December rent, but IF I don't have a new place by January (Yeah, since I still haven't seen a DIME of money from anything yet, and they won't let you buy a house with $0 down anymore), then we'll decide if I'll have to start paying for storage again. 

This after the conversation on Friday where he was trying to convince me what a nice guy he is by asking me to consider ALL the wonderful things he's done for me since we were split. I mentioned that to my IC today, and she went ballistic. "WHAT things?! Really!! Tell me, WHAT THINGS?!" 

He is a piece of work, I tell you.


----------



## HappyKaty

He is definitely the epitome of narcissistic.

Wow.

What a douchecanoe.


----------



## angelpixie

You'll love this example, Katy --

"What about when you went in the hospital last summer? It was on MY ARM!!"

(Yes, dear, but you neglect to mention that the reason I was going into the emergency room was from severe dehydration that came about from moving all of my belongings and furniture out of our house to a storage unit, then from the storage unit to the place I'm living...in humid upper 90's heat...BY MYSELF...every day for a week, while still working my regular job. Because you would only consent to help me if I rented a truck. Which we a.) couldn't afford, and b.) didn't need, since we had two station wagons and two able bodied adults to do the work. If I didn't do it your way, I could just work til I dropped. Which I literally did. That was a very scary experience, and there are still major chunks of that morning that I just do not remember. Nothing was working right, I couldn't think, I remember checking my face in the bathroom mirror to see if I'd had a stroke. But you were very sure to announce, as you were driving me back to my place, that this was in no way your fault -- and I'd never said (out loud) that I believed it was. Guilty much? And thanks for not calling once the entire day to see if I was OK, even though I was also still watching our son as we had previously scheduled, before my badly timed hospital visit forced you to change your plans with your best girl friends. And still didn't ask, when you called to tell him good-night. Yeah, you're a wonderful guy.)


----------



## HappyKaty

What a gem he is.

Christ, Angel, you are SO lucky to have been married to such an incredible man!

If he's anything like my ex (and I'm almost certain they came from the same womb), he surely believes you are the one losing, here.

Good thing we're smart enough to know better.


----------



## TBT

It's even more about just being a decent human being.I can't imagine sitting by and not helping even if it was only an acquaintance of mine that was struggling to do all that on their own.Sorry you had to go through that Angel....such a shameful reflection on him.


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, but that's because you ARE a decent human being, TBT. I tried to tell him that I would have expected him to take our neighbor, who we hardly knew, to the emergency room and stay with her until she got safely back home if she didn't have anyone else to help her. It was nothing he should have seen as extraordinary, especially to his (still) wife and (always) the mother of his child. But then, I guess we just don't understand things like he does, right?


----------



## our vision shattered

HappyKaty said:


> He definitely the epitome of narcissistic.
> 
> Wow.
> 
> What a douchecanoe.


Bahahahaha douche canoe, omg my gut is busting open, thx i needed that


----------



## TBT

So right.He really does walk to the beat of a very different drummer.


----------



## angelpixie

I'm sad that they didn't make my favorite hard cherry cider this year. The one I tried tonight wasn't nearly as good. Hit me pretty hard, but didn't taste nearly as good. 

My 7 bean and barley soup (with added veg) is cooking overnight in my crock pot, and already smells wonderful since I sauteed the veg in olive oil and herbs beforehand. I'll be smelling that all night, LOL! Wonder if/how it will affect my dreams...

Must work on things tomorrow and not keep procrastinating. Like my stupid, stupid, stupid work excel tracking sheet. Grr. Told IC today that I really want to work on why things like that just bog me down and I can't just get into the groove of doing them. I feel like there's something in my subconscious that's stopping me from just remembering to do them, when it would normally be so easy. Hoping this IFS thing is a means to working on this, too.


----------



## Stella Moon

HappyKaty said:


> He is definitely the epitome of narcissistic.
> 
> Wow.
> 
> What a *douchecanoe*.


ROTFLMAO!!!!! 

that's gonna be my new word.... :rofl::lol::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::lol::lol::lol::lol:


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmm...think 'Chinless' might not cut it anymore? Might have to change his name? :rofl:


----------



## HappyKaty

angelpixie said:


> Hmmm...think 'Chinless' might not cut it anymore? Might have to change his name? :rofl:


Change his name to 'ex-husband'.

That works even better.


----------



## vi_bride04

TBT said:


> It's even more about just being a decent human being.I can't imagine sitting by and not helping even if it was only an acquaintance of mine that was struggling to do all that on their own.Sorry you had to go through that Angel....such a shameful reflection on him.


Could not agree with this post more!!!!


I think that's what i have the hardest time understanding about our WS. Just how totally indecent they are with people in general. How they treat people like utter garbage.

What type of man allows a woman to move furniture on a day like that by herself!!?? 

Oh wait, i forgot, he's a douchecanoe....ha ha ha ha best nickname ever


----------



## unsure78

bwahaha... douchecanoe.... i love it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## soca70

Angel - I see a family Christmas card this year in your future:

Merrey Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Love,
The Douchecanoes


----------



## angelpixie

No, soca, that's EX-Mrs. Douchecanoe. 

He can be STBXD. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## soca70

Angel is the "former Mrs. Douchecanoe"


----------



## angelpixie

:rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## soca70

God - what have our lives turned into?


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, please don't get all morbid now. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## soca70

No - I'm actually laughing at this not feeling all sorry for myself. Without this forum, I think I'd be in a much worse place - so glad I found it so we can have fun at times in the midst of this. I sometimes wonder if we are all so "self-aware" now, we must be good partner material at some point.


----------



## soca70

soca70 said:


> God - what have our lives turned into?


This kind of statement would drive the STBXW crazy. See how NEGATIVE you are! You're killing my soul!


----------



## angelpixie

"No, dear, I've just become hip & ironic."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hermes

ah......douchecanoe. you both gave me a good laugh this morning.....

and yes, hip and ironic.


----------



## NoWhere

I don't think I want to know what a DoucheCanoe is. Doesn't sound very pleasant or sanitary.


----------



## Hermes

NoWhere said:


> I don't think I want to know what a DoucheCanoe is. Doesn't sound very pleasant or sanitary.


It does not sound like it should be able to float either.....


----------



## angelpixie

Ask Katy, she's the one who started it, lol.


----------



## Hermes

angelpixie said:


> You'll love this example, Katy --
> 
> "What about when you went in the hospital last summer? It was on MY ARM!!"
> 
> (Yes, dear, but you neglect to mention that the reason I was going into the emergency room was from severe dehydration that came about from moving all of my belongings and furniture out of our house to a storage unit, then from the storage unit to the place I'm living...in humid upper 90's heat...BY MYSELF...every day for a week, while still working my regular job. Because you would only consent to help me if I rented a truck. Which we a.) couldn't afford, and b.) didn't need, since we had two station wagons and two able bodied adults to do the work. If I didn't do it your way, I could just work til I dropped. Which I literally did. That was a very scary experience, and there are still major chunks of that morning that I just do not remember. Nothing was working right, I couldn't think, I remember checking my face in the bathroom mirror to see if I'd had a stroke. But you were very sure to announce, as you were driving me back to my place, that this was in no way your fault -- and I'd never said (out loud) that I believed it was. Guilty much? And thanks for not calling once the entire day to see if I was OK, even though I was also still watching our son as we had previously scheduled, before my badly timed hospital visit forced you to change your plans with your best girl friends. And still didn't ask, when you called to tell him good-night. Yeah, you're a wonderful guy.)


He sure is a wonderful. It is your fault he had to change his plans too, you know......tsk tsk on you angel.


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Ask Katy, she's the one who started it, lol.


Oh that explains it. Katy's a little Cuckcoo. You know not playing with a full deck, too many swan dives into empty pools, a few eggs short of a dozen. Not running on all cylinders, etc. :scratchhead:

We still love her though!


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, yes we do.


----------



## angelpixie

Only here does the annual holiday potluck include fare like:

Venison Bowl of Red
Buffalo curry
Bear-balaya

My favorite part of the party. Trying the wacky game recipes.


----------



## Matt1720

*best hillbilly voice* yea uh, where can i get sum chicken?


----------



## Dollystanford

does potluck include cream of sum yung guy?


----------



## Matt1720

waynes world

you know, you actually sound more like you're from kowloon bay than hong kong

I was born in kowloon bay!

This guys good


----------



## HappyKaty

NoWhere said:


> Oh that explains it. Katy's a little Cuckcoo. You know not playing with a full deck, too many swan dives into empty pools, a few eggs short of a dozen. Not running on all cylinders, etc. :scratchhead:
> 
> We still love her though!


A few fries short of a happy meal...

NoWhere, we belong in the same asylum.

Along with all the other lovelies on TAM.

Wouldn't that be a kick-ass asylum?!?


----------



## 06Daddio08

HappyKaty said:


> A few fries short of a happy meal...
> 
> NoWhere, we belong in the same asylum.
> 
> Along with all the other lovelies on TAM.
> 
> Wouldn't that be a kick-ass asylum?!?


You guys have fun.

I'm the one with the keys.


----------



## vi_bride04

Angel, I just wanted to say that the tone of your entire thread has changed the past few weeks.

Every time I come here to read it now, it just seems like you are so positive and enjoying life and making jokes and having fun.....

Well, I just wanted to tell you I think that's amazing. You have come a long way, girl!


----------



## NoWhere

UpnOver said:


> You guys have fun.
> 
> I'm the one with the keys.


And probably the guy who likes to give out electric shock and other questionable 'treatments'.


----------



## NoWhere

HappyKaty said:


> A few fries short of a happy meal...


 Yep I'm a few fries short, but I still come with a toy. 



vi_bride04 said:


> Angel, I just wanted to say that the tone of your entire thread has changed the past few weeks.
> 
> Every time I come here to read it now, it just seems like you are so positive and enjoying life and making jokes and having fun.....
> 
> Well, I just wanted to tell you I think that's amazing. You have come a long way, girl!


Angel's just figured out what everyone here already knows. Shes a great person, fun to talk to and probably a blast to hang out with. She will be fine and end up very happy!


----------



## 06Daddio08

NoWhere said:


> And probably the guy who likes to give out electric shock and other questionable 'treatments'.


"Probably".


----------



## NoWhere

No fair UP. I was highly anticipating your snarky response and all I get is 'probably' ?

:wtf:

You feeling ok?


----------



## 06Daddio08

NoWhere said:


> No fair UP. I was highly anticipating your snarky response and all I get is 'probably' ?
> 
> :wtf:
> 
> You feeling ok?


My apologies for the let down.

I have other priorities at this moment.

A wonderful voice on the phone.


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> does potluck include cream of sum yung guy?


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> Yep I'm a few fries short, but I still come with a toy.



:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

UpnOver said:


> I have other priorities at this moment.
> 
> A wonderful voice on the phone.


Is Andy helping you with your car, too?


----------



## angelpixie

Hot Divorced Guy's contribution:

Haricot Verts...with BACON.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Is Andy helping you with your car, too?


Haha.

I laugh because you know.


----------



## angelpixie

Playing dumb is part of my charm.


----------



## HappyKaty

angelpixie said:


> Hot Divorced Guy's contribution:
> 
> Haricot Verts...with BACON.


Mmmm.

Bacon is the way to a woman's heart.

And, the way to stop it. :scratchhead:


----------



## angelpixie

Exercise will take care of that.


----------



## angelpixie

Let there be light...










*Thanks, Andy!!* :smthumbup:


----------



## Matt1720

I like the color! Have you tried a headlight resurfacing kit? I want mine to look new

And the engine is mounted longitudinally? Vroom vroom


----------



## angelpixie

I haven't, Matt. This is a 1998, so I don't know how much it will help, lol. 

While I was out there working on the lights, two older ladies walked by. They both were congratulating me on working on my own car. "Oh, a lady mechanic, good for you, honey!" 
Kinda funny. I just changed two bulbs.


----------



## our vision shattered

angelpixie said:


> Let there be light...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Thanks, Andy!!* :smthumbup:


Boy do I know that model inside & out


----------



## Matt1720

nice new battery by the way


----------



## our vision shattered

Even though chinless may have the fancier car, yours is far more reliable & way less in repairs than his ll bean


----------



## angelpixie

I don't think I told you, but he had to have the radiator fixed a _third_ time just a week or two ago!


----------



## Matt1720

exhaust manifold, meet plastic radiator component.


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> I haven't, Matt. This is a 1998, so I don't know how much it will help, lol.
> 
> While I was out there working on the lights, two older ladies walked by. They both were congratulating me on working on my own car. "Oh, a lady mechanic, good for you, honey!"
> Kinda funny. I just changed two bulbs.


That's because back when those old ladies were younger men acted like men and they never had to work on a car.
Chivalry is dead!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

No kidding. 

But I like being able to take care of things myself. I actually look forward to changing my own oil again. I NEVER paid to have my oil changed til I married STBXH. He never wanted to change it. There were a couple times when we just had to in order to save money, but he never took pride in that kind of thing like I do. Now I can do it the way it makes me happy. :smthumbup:


----------



## our vision shattered

angelpixie said:


> No kidding.
> 
> But I like being able to take care of things myself. I actually look forward to changing my own oil again. I NEVER paid to have my oil changed til I married STBXH. He never wanted to change it. There were a couple times when we just had to in order to save money, but he never took pride in that kind of thing like I do. Now I can do it the way it makes me happy. :smthumbup:


Just remember to use a new crush drain ring everytime or you'll leak oil, part # 11126aa000, should be about 1.37 each, very imoortant though


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, thanks! I never knew that.


----------



## Eternal Embrace

angelpixie said:


> No kidding.
> 
> But I like being able to take care of things myself. I actually look forward to changing my own oil again. I NEVER paid to have my oil changed til I married STBXH. He never wanted to change it. There were a couple times when we just had to in order to save money, but he never took pride in that kind of thing like I do. Now I can do it the way it makes me happy. :smthumbup:


:iagree:

My STBXH could change a tire and thats about it. Well, he could change the oil himself but he never would - he'd just let it go for 10's of 1000's of miles... lazy SOB. The one time he did go to change the oil he took so freakin' long I hopped under his Focus and did the job for him!

Me? I love tinkering with an auto and also take great pride in what I can accomplish - thou I must be supervised by knowledgeful friends. Thanks to STBXH's carelessness I can drop an engine in a 2000 Focus in about 20 minutes using just a block of wood, flat jack and some wrenches - is it the proper way to do it? No - but it gets the job done!


----------



## angelpixie

Haha, I love it, EE. I think we'd have a great time if we ever got together!


----------



## Eternal Embrace

angelpixie said:


> Haha, I love it, EE. I think we'd have a great time if we ever got together!


I've thought the same thing a few times myself, darlin'! :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

Eternal Embrace said:


> :iagree:
> 
> My STBXH could change a tire and thats about it. Well, he could change the oil himself but he never would - he'd just let it go for 10's of 1000's of miles... lazy SOB. The one time he did go to change the oil he took so freakin' long I hopped under his Focus and did the job for him!
> 
> Me? I love tinkering with an auto and also take great pride in what I can accomplish - thou I must be supervised by knowledgeful friends. Thanks to STBXH's carelessness I can drop an engine in a 2000 Focus in about 20 minutes using just a block of wood, flat jack and some wrenches - is it the proper way to do it? No - but it gets the job done!


Ok, I feel like crap now, I don't change the oil in my wife's car. I just hate working on cars.  Give me broken appliance, messed up electrical or plumbing job (that does not require a contractor) and I am all over it. My car of course does not have oil (100% electric). I am finishing up the patch, texture and paint job after the plumbers left the other day. Does that count for not being a lazy H? I try. 

I think I will go and hide now.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Angel.

My equally well adjusted older brother says "Hi."


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Haha, I love it, EE. I think we'd have a great time if we ever got together!


 Good lord! Talk about trouble.


----------



## Matt1720

Id change my own oil but have no driveway and law enforcement would like nothing more to bust me


----------



## angelpixie

Before I got married, the apartment complex I lived at wouldn't allow anyone to work on their cars in the lot. I added windshield washer fluid once, and I got a letter in the mail from management because they saw the hood up on my car. Really, people? You really have nothing better to do?


----------



## Matt1720

angelpixie said:


> Before I got married, the apartment complex I lived at wouldn't allow anyone to work on their cars in the lot. I added windshield washer fluid once, and I got a letter in the mail from management because they saw the hood up on my car. Really, people? You really have nothing better to do?


Ooo don't git me goin on where I live


----------



## angelpixie

Been a while since I had to catalog a Russian film. I'm rather proud of how well I remembered the character placement on the Cyrillic keyboard. Guess my mind hasn't totally atrophied after all! :smthumbup:


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Been a while since I had to catalog a Russian film. I'm rather proud of how well I remembered the character placement on the Cyrillic keyboard. Guess my mind hasn't totally atrophied after all! :smthumbup:


Great work Comrade Angel. We will make those stupid Americans pay! Long live mother Russia! **clears throat** Ahemmm I mean. Good job Angel!


----------



## angelpixie

спасибо!


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> спасибо!


bitte sehr


----------



## Matt1720

Wolverines!!!!


----------



## Matt1720

sorry, I read a few un-amurrcan word posts and got a little carried away


----------



## Ikaika

So here I am reading all about Angel's car trouble and I get a call from my wife. "Car smells like something is burning, the car floor is hot... Oh and the radiator light just came on." I told her pull the car off the side, don't panic. She is out in country (North Shore) on her way back from a client's house. I call the tow truck. We have it towed to the dealers service dept. I guess we will find out the damage (cost) on that nine year old car tomorrow. I think it has a water pump that is going out, but we will see.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, that's awful, drerio. I hope it's not a big bill, especially since you just had to fix another water-related problem in your house! They say bad things come in threes. So, first your house, now your car...Make sure *you* don't spring a leak!


----------



## angelpixie

Well, I just went outside because I forgot my mail in the car, and lo and behold, all of a sudden it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! You all remember my pic from yesterday? Well, here's what tonight looks like. Mind you -- it was 9 p.m. when I took these, and it really is that bright outside from all the reflected light.








Across the street









The alley next to my house.









Another shot across the street.

I love when the trees look like that. Really gives that Winter Wonderland feel!


----------



## Ikaika

Thank you... I'm pretty good natured about these things. I was way more concerned about my wife being stuck out there. i worry about important things. 

We are also quite frugal (some people say we squeak when we walk ) so we fortunately have enough reserve to deal with it. I hope I don't start leaking 

It happens, so I just deal with it.


----------



## Lon

I love when the trees are all white, usually its only the frost that makes them like that here, they were for a couple days last weekend.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Well, I just went outside because I forgot my mail in the car, and lo and behold, all of a sudden it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! You all remember my pic from yesterday? Well, here's what tonight looks like. Mind you -- it was 9 p.m. when I took these, and it really is that bright outside from all the reflected light.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Across the street
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The alley next to my house.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Another shot across the street.
> 
> I love when the trees look like that. Really gives that Winter Wonderland feel!


Angel you made my day. That is gorgeous. Thank you for sharing


----------



## TBT

Love the pics! They should have a name for the light effect...maybe snowlight or winterlight.


----------



## heartsbeating

Angel that is such a beautiful scene!


----------



## angelpixie

Just got our annual envelope of free return address labels from our insurance agent. Addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Chinless Douchecanoe. Should I give them to him with the Mrs. crossed off all of them?  :rofl:

Or, I can tell him to save them for when he marries the Trampire. That's an even better idea.


ETA: OK, I can't help but crack up every time I read "Mr. and Mrs. Chinless Douchecanoe." If I ever feel down, I'll just repeat that to myself. :rofl:


----------



## Stella Moon

angelpixie said:


> Well, I just went outside because I forgot my mail in the car, and lo and behold, all of a sudden it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! You all remember my pic from yesterday? Well, here's what tonight looks like. Mind you -- it was 9 p.m. when I took these, and it really is that bright outside from all the reflected light.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Across the street
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The alley next to my house.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Another shot across the street.
> 
> I love when the trees look like that. Really gives that Winter Wonderland feel!



pics? what Pics? I don't see any pics...


----------



## Stella Moon

angelpixie said:


> Just got our annual envelope of free return address labels from our insurance agent. Addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Chinless Douchecanoe. Should I give them to him with the Mrs. crossed off all of them?  :rofl:
> 
> Or, I can tell him to save them for when he marries the Trampire. That's an even better idea.


I got some new ones in the mail the other day from I think some place I donated to..some humane society of some sort...and it just had my name on it... i was ecstatic... 

i get those from insurance also...if i get new ones with both our names...in the garbage they go..


----------



## angelpixie

I know. That's what Up would tell me to do.


----------



## our vision shattered

Bahahaha chinless douchecanoe & trampire, omg stoooop i'm lawughing my freaking a$$ off, OMG


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> I know. That's what Up would tell me to do.


Or my equally well adjusted older brother.


----------



## angelpixie

UpnOver said:


> Or my equally well adjusted older brother.


Who's got to do more than just say 'hi' once in a while!


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Who's got to do more than just say 'hi' once in a while!


Bahaha


----------



## angelpixie

UpnOver said:


> Bahaha


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


>


Awww.

Don't be sad Angel.

:corkysm60:


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## HappyKaty

The pictures are BEAUTIFUL, Angel!

I'm so jealous!

I wanna see snow.


----------



## angelpixie

I hear they often have that in our neighboring country...the one to the north...you know the one I mean...


----------



## TBT

angelpixie said:


> I hear they often have that in our neighboring country...the one to the north...you know the one I mean...



That would be neighb-o-u-ring country!


----------



## angelpixie

lol, yes it would 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## our vision shattered

Lol, have plenty here in the higher elevations but staying high so far this year, bad snow years here mean extreme fire danger in summer, we dont like that here


----------



## angelpixie

We worry about that when we have a wet spring. The drought can be declared over in June, then it won't rain again & everything's on fire in August & September.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> I hear they often have that in our neighboring country...the one to the north...you know the one I mean...


Oh really?


----------



## HappyKaty

angelpixie said:


> I hear they often have that in our neighboring country...the one to the north...you know the one I mean...


Yes. Yes, I've heard.


----------



## angelpixie

Ahhh, yes, the Winter Wonderland...needs to be shoveled.  And, Mr. D lost his snow shovel (don't ask), so I have to lend him mine when I go to pick up DS. What a twit.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Ahhh, yes, the Winter Wonderland...needs to be shoveled.  And, Mr. D lost his snow shovel (don't ask), so I have to lend him mine when I go to pick up DS. What a twit.


I think I read in another thread, what to get your STBXH for Christmas. I got this one Angel: a used snow shovel


----------



## angelpixie

Only partly cloudy today! That means we finally get to see some blue sky (no full-fledged sun yet) for the first time in over a week. It's amazing how much nicer it makes everything!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

I still can't get used to going to Goodwill and seeing 'our' things there. Especially things that were not offered to me first. ESPECIALLY things that were mine before we got married. I have everything that's important to me, but it still seems like it would just be polite. The most difficult experience? Turning a corner and seeing the beautiful frame that used to hold a photo of us dancing at our reception. I figure eitherhe or his girlfriend took the picture out and threw it away. Or maybe he didn't even bother to remove it and the goodwill people did it. Makes me feel terribly foolish and naive. Or at least I was then.


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> I still can't get used to going to Goodwill and seeing 'our' things there. Especially things that were not offered to me first. ESPECIALLY things that were mine before we got married. I have everything that's important to me, but it still seems like it would just be polite. The most difficult experience? Turning a corner and seeing the beautiful frame that used to hold a photo of us dancing at our reception. I figure eitherhe or his girlfriend took the picture out and threw it away. Or maybe he didn't even bother to remove it and the goodwill people did it. Makes me feel terribly foolish and naive. Or at least I was then.


Yeah that sounds kind of hard to stomach. Makes me wonder what my ex did with our pics and frames.
For Xmas last year I gave her a nice frame with a pic I took of us out on the balcony of the nice condo We rented on the beach.
Even made a photo album that I glued seashells we had picked off the beach all over it and filled it with pics of the vacation.
All that love went into them and now they are probably sitting in a land fill forever forgotten.
Sad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I still can't get used to going to Goodwill and seeing 'our' things there. Especially things that were not offered to me first. ESPECIALLY things that were mine before we got married. I have everything that's important to me, but it still seems like it would just be polite. The most difficult experience? Turning a corner and seeing the beautiful frame that used to hold a photo of us dancing at our reception. I figure eitherhe or his girlfriend took the picture out and threw it away. Or maybe he didn't even bother to remove it and the goodwill people did it. Makes me feel terribly foolish and naive. Or at least I was then.


Angel,

I know my normal positive disposition probably drives you crazy and if this one does, feel free to tell me to ****** off. 

Hopefully that frame will be purchased by a spouse who recently lost their loved one and it frames a picture of that loved one or some positive event. Hopefully the frame will have a new story to tell of a more pleasant time. That is what I hope for. I know it is painful, please take care.


----------



## Lon

angelpixie said:


> I still can't get used to going to Goodwill and seeing 'our' things there. Especially things that were not offered to me first. ESPECIALLY things that were mine before we got married. I have everything that's important to me, but it still seems like it would just be polite. The most difficult experience? Turning a corner and seeing the beautiful frame that used to hold a photo of us dancing at our reception. I figure eitherhe or his girlfriend took the picture out and threw it away. Or maybe he didn't even bother to remove it and the goodwill people did it. Makes me feel terribly foolish and naive. Or at least I was then.


Angel, that would hurt me deeply too, I'm sorry that chinless could do such a lousy thing to you.

As for me, I've been going through all sorts of my exes stuff still, some I've been selling, some just trashing and some donating... I only wish she would see it and be reminded of all the sh1t she left behind for me to deal with. When she first moved out I gave her a reasonable deadline to take the things she wanted to take, and she went through her closet and took a half a suitcase of stuff then left. There were a couple things she forgot and wanted after that I let her take, then after that I sold them to her, so she stopped coming around. When I found the keepsake box of all the letters she kept from her mom whom passed away from cancer, I easily could have trashed it all, but of course I have a heart. So I gave that to her and hardly got a thanks. I still have about two boxes of her old photos (mostly before me) which I decided to leave, not really sure I want to offer them up, if they were important she's had over a year and a half to claim them.

So even though its just stuff, it does have a lot of symbolic meaning, represents wonderful memories.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, fellas. Tell the truth, today was the first time I've been to Goodwill since before Halloween because I kept seeing things. I always forget and it takes me by surprise. I'm sure if I can mentally prepare myself first, I'd be OK.

All right. Buck up, Angel. Time to put up the tree. If it wasn't for DS, I sooo would not be doing this. I'm sure once I see it decorated & lit, I'll think it's pretty. *sigh*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Thanks, fellas. Tell the truth, today was the first time I've been to Goodwill since before Halloween because I kept seeing things. I always forget and it takes me by surprise. I'm sure if I can mentally prepare myself first, I'd be OK.
> 
> All right. Buck up, Angel. Time to put up the tree. If it wasn't for DS, I sooo would not be doing this. I'm sure once I see it decorated & lit, I'll think it's pretty. *sigh*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pictures please


----------



## Conrad

angelpixie said:


> Thanks, fellas. Tell the truth, today was the first time I've been to Goodwill since before Halloween because I kept seeing things. I always forget and it takes me by surprise. I'm sure if I can mentally prepare myself first, I'd be OK.
> 
> All right. Buck up, Angel. Time to put up the tree. If it wasn't for DS, I sooo would not be doing this. I'm sure once I see it decorated & lit, I'll think it's pretty. *sigh*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just hold you nose and buy some more sexy boots.

We will all "ooooh" and "ahhh"

promise


----------



## angelpixie

Tree is up and decorated. Lights are strung. I didn't find the star, though. I think it's in my storage unit, so I'll try to grab it before I have to take DS back tomorrow. 

DS wants egg nog. I wonder if I have some rum for Mom's. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

What is it with you northerners and egg nog?

Yuck!


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

HappyKaty said:


> What is it with you northerners and egg nog?
> 
> Yuck!
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who cares she is putting rum in it


----------



## HappyKaty

drerio said:


> Who cares she is putting rum in it


Touche.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

But you know what? Low-fat egg nog bites big time. Even a generous splash of rum can't rehabilitate it. I'm sticking with the real stuff next time. Otherwise, why bother?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TBT

Lots of low fat stuff tastes like crap....low fat cheese..yecch! Not so much in dairy,but in a lot of other products when they take out the fat they replace it with other ingredients,sometimes many.


----------



## angelpixie

Found the perfect use for low-fat egg nog: Pancakes! I used that for half the liquid I added to my mix, along with nutmeg, cinnamon, and vanille extract. Yummy!! :smthumbup:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lostinspaces

HappyKaty said:


> What is it with you northerners and egg nog?
> 
> Yuck!
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed Katty, these northerners are nuts! So how long do I have to live here before I am considered one? How long do I get to claim being a southern boy?


----------



## lostinspaces

angelpixie said:


> Found the perfect use for low-fat egg nog: Pancakes! I used that for half the liquid I added to my mix, along with nutmeg, cinnamon, and vanille extract. Yummy!! :smthumbup:
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok ... That I would try. Sounds delish


----------



## 06Daddio08

HappyKaty said:


> What is it with you northerners and egg nog?
> 
> Yuck!
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm givin you the stink eye for that one.


----------



## angelpixie

The thing I've never tried that sounds absolutely disgusting is a Tom & Jerry. Something about batter sitting in a drink? Blech!


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> The thing I've never tried that sounds absolutely disgusting is a Tom & Jerry. Something about batter sitting in a drink? Blech!


Beer and OJ.

Mmmmm.

A nice morning treat sometimes!


----------



## Dollystanford

beer and OJ :/
OJ and champagne - yes!
and one of your 'five a day'


----------



## our vision shattered

hey angel, just wanted you to know i'm ok, i had to delete all my threads due to my stbxw finding me on here.


----------



## HappyKaty

Dollystanford said:


> beer and OJ :/
> OJ and champagne - yes!
> and one of your 'five a day'


Mimosas.

Mmmmm.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, OVS! I just got home and was checking in. Was wondering what happened. That really sucks!!


----------



## angelpixie

Total non sequitur here, but I saw this video years ago, and have been trying to find it again from time to time. Finally found it tonight. 
It's this awesome piece of kitsch from Italian TV. Enjoy.

Prisencolinensinainciusol (With subtitles)


----------



## Stella Moon

HappyKaty said:


> Mimosas.
> 
> Mmmmm.




you had me at mimosas.... :iagree:


----------



## angelpixie

Finally finished hemming the slacks for The Brick's mom. Whew! 

Short trip to Costco for our adopted family turned into a 5-hour marathon for my friend and I. By the time we were done, neither of us could think, and totally messed up the amount of money we had to spend. I still don't understand how we did it, but we did. 

Then I transferred more stuff to my storage unit before it got dark, and got home just in time to watch DS for Chinless while he took in some student films made by friends of his. 

I'm so bleary-eyed! And back to work tomorrow. Oh well, time to curl up on my sofa for a few hours. Good night! :sleeping:


----------



## angelpixie

Ok, friends, your opinion on this:

On our first or 2nd Christmas, Chinless got me a KitchenAid mixer. Yes, it was something we both used, but it was a real splurge, and something I never would have bought myself. I haven't had room to take it with me, so I told him he could use it til I moved to a permanent place.

I mentioned it recently, and he told me that he wants to keep it. I just think this is really tacky. It was a gift to me. He's not offering to give me anything in exchange for it, or offering me any money, either. Wouldn't that be the fair thing to do, since I will then no longer have one? And whatever he would give me wouldn't be enough to replace it with something of the same quality. 

I just think it seems nasty. He couldn't even give me a good reason why he thought he should get it, just that he 'wanted it.' Yeah? So? He's not giving me anything extra to cover the fact that he is getting all of the appliances in the house, and I'll have to (most likely) get a houseful of them. With the exception of my 1980s washer & dryer (please keep running!!).


----------



## Dollystanford

He wants to keep a PRESENT he got you? wtf??
Tossie took the nice kettle and toaster we had because it matched his new kitchen  but at least he bought me replacements
God this guy gets worse!!
No shame, no class, no chin


----------



## NoWhere

That is lame. You should figure out a gift you gave him and ask for it. Tell him you figured since we're taking back the gifts we got each other you wanted "whatever Xmas gift" back.


----------



## HappyKaty

They're totally from the same womb, Angel.

My ex took MY Kitchen Aid that my Grandparents bought me, and it's sitting on his mom's effing countertop.

He just knows you want it, so it's an easy jab.

Again - douchecanoe.


----------



## vi_bride04

Dollystanford said:


> He wants to keep a PRESENT he got you? wtf??
> Tossie took the nice kettle and toaster we had because it matched his new kitchen  but at least he bought me replacements
> God this guy gets worse!!
> *No shame, no class, no chin*


:rofl:


----------



## jpr

"no shame, no class, no chin"

"douchecanoe"

hahahahahah.

Yeah, that is pretty lame. Get your mixer back, Angel.

It is yours.


----------



## Dollystanford

I feel Sassie had hogged my signature for too long


----------



## jpr

I loooooove your new signature, Dolly.

Very nice.


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> DS wants egg nog. I wonder if I have some rum for Mom's.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'll take mine with brandy 



angelpixie said:


> Total non sequitur here, but I saw this video years ago, and have been trying to find it again from time to time. Finally found it tonight.
> It's this awesome piece of kitsch from Italian TV. Enjoy.
> 
> Prisencolinensinainciusol (With subtitles)


:scratchhead: :rofl: Very strange.



Dollystanford said:


> He wants to keep a PRESENT he got you? wtf??
> Tossie took the nice kettle and toaster we had because it matched his new kitchen  but at least he bought me replacements
> God this guy gets worse!!
> No shame, no class, no chin


:iagree: Well said, Dolly, as always.


----------



## angelpixie

Jeebus, what a crazy day! My brother called a little while ago. Our dad was in a car accident this afternoon. They got 15" of snow overnight, and someone was going too fast & t-boned him, but luckily on the passenger side. Car is probably totalled, but my dad feels all right. We're trying to get him to go to the hospital just to get checked out, but I think if he had a limb hanging by the proverbial thread, he'd resist. 

My MIL called me at work today, but I let it go to voicemail. Just listened to the message. She wants me to call her tonight because she has questions about DS' Christmas list...and she wants to ask me what size clothes Chinless wears. Sorry, Mom. When he dumped me, I purged all information about him out of my brain. Here's his girlfriend's FB account. Ask her. SMH.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

And now he just called. He should have been here 3 minutes ago because I told him I had plans. He was all flustered & said he forgot he had to go take pics at a museum dinner tonight, so can he bring a shirt over and borrow my iron & board? That way he can just iron it here while DS is getting ready to go. If I have to leave, he says, I can & he'll leave when he's done. No thanks. Geez. Just like being married again. FML
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Hope your dad is ok angel - dolly hugs >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

and I'm surprised the douchecanoe didn't ask you to iron it for him

it's hard to say no in these situations because you feel so petty - like when tossie borrows the computer - but grrrrrrr!!!


----------



## muskrat

Hope your dad is ok AP.
some people really do think the world revolves around them. Chinless is one of these worthless bums.


----------



## our vision shattered

Best wishes for your dad angel, too bad, some guys just don't think at all, sorry chinless is the captain of the douche canoe


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, Dolly, OVS and MR. I talked to my dad. He says he's fine, and if he notices any problem in the morning, he'll go to the chiropractor. I'm not a believer in chiropractic, but he is.  My brother had it wrong: he was hit on the driver's side. The door's dented pretty badly, but it does open and close with some effort. Due to the weather, he wisely doesn't want to test to see if the power window works. 

He and my brother were supposed to go visit our extended family for an early Christmas get-together later this week. They were driving. But now my dad doesn't want to go, so my brother has to hurry and get plane tickets. I hope he can get a deal.


----------



## TBT

Glad your Dad seems to be ok Angel.Would just keep an eye out for nausea and such.The brain can take a beating from uncontrolled motion even if there's no contact with head.A trip to his Dr.would be a safe bet.


----------



## Ikaika

Angel,

Glad to hear you dad is Ok... Like you, I may not be big on chiropractors, but then again I have gone to acupuncture treatments before with some level of success. Take care.


----------



## unsure78

Glad to hear he is ok Angel


----------



## NoWhere

Sorry to hear about your dad. Thank god he wasn't hurt.


----------



## Eternal Embrace

So sorry about your father... I'm keeping my fingers crossed he's ok.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, everybody. I'm definitely calling him again today to see if he's feeling any kind of symptoms. He's just a very stubborn man who hates to go to the doctor for anything.


----------



## Lifescript

My grandather was like that too Angel. They are so stubborn. Hope she is ok.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Just took a very fruitless search of the real estate listings. Verrrry little in my possible price range, and of those, only *ONE* house is in the boundaries of the two schools I'd want DS to go to. It's on a very busy street, but walking distance to school for DS, and bike-riding distance to work for me. Older home with hopefully enough space for my shop inventory. I'm going to do a drive-by on the way home from work tonight. I don't know if it's worth getting a pre-approval when he still hasn't closed on the refi (I signed the quit claim a week ago today), and we don't have the D agreement finished. I don't want them to pull my credit too many times. 

I knew this wouldn't be the best time to be looking for a place, but man, I didn't think it would be this bad.


----------



## Orpheus

always bad this time of year. there's always home schooling?


----------



## angelpixie

Don't tell DS -- he'll do anything to get out of practicing his saxophone for band.  I actually used to think about home schooling my children. Until I had one.


----------



## Orpheus

mom jeans is almost as good as chess for girls.


----------



## Dollystanford

I personally wouldn't do anything unless that refi is done and dusted because, well, read my signature yah?


----------



## jpr

This is a bad time of year, Angel. ....and I am sure that is especially the case in cold and snowy climates.

Dolly gives some good advice....


----------



## jpr

hahahahaha. I forgot that I changed my signature last night.

hahahhaha


----------



## angelpixie

I was meaning to ask you -- what is that from? (Remember, there are significant gaps in my cultural education. )


----------



## Dollystanford

Mario Lopez puts up his tree


----------



## jpr

Makes me laugh every time.


----------



## jpr

Oh my goodness, Dolly.

That is obscene!..


----------



## Dollystanford

:rofl:

oh god ha ha ha

I love it when cheesy happy kids shows play hardball


----------



## our vision shattered

jpr said:


> Oh my goodness, Dolly.
> 
> That is obscene!..


bahahahaha, roflmao !!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## angelpixie

Oh...a 'very special episode,' was it?


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmmm...house has potential. From the outside, at least. It is a very busy street, but I'm on a busy street now, so I don't know that that makes a lot of difference. 

I do really like the location I'm in now. It's a long walk, but I can walk to work, or to Downtown. But beggars can't be choosers. 

And I hate the color. It's a dull mauve-y pink. Uh-uh.


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> mom jeans is almost as good as chess for girls.



Hadn't seen that one before - that's hilarious!


----------



## angelpixie

Update on my dad. He did have a lot of stiffness in his arm, neck and shoulder this a.m., so he went to the chiropractor. He took x-rays, which he'll get the results of tomorrow. The chiropractor 'worked' on him, and he feels better. He said he hasn't had any dizziness, nausea or any signs of a concussion. 

So, it looks like he escaped without injury. Whew! :smthumbup:


----------



## TBT

Good to hear Angel.:smthumbup:


----------



## our vision shattered

Great news !!!


----------



## angelpixie

So, I'm sitting here on my sofa, in my pjs, wrapped in a quilt, watching Arrested Development on Hulu and working on my divorce papers. I feel so...Middle America! :smthumbup:


----------



## NoWhere

Well just remember that any house can be altered and made better. Just be sure to look at things that cannot not be easily changed/fixed. Like location, foundation, structural etc. Other then that the sky is the limit when it comes to remodeling, painting and decoration. And older houses usually have a lot more charm and character then a lot of the new prefab cookie cutter homes where all the houses look pretty much like the same house.

You could always move in with me and be my daytime puppy sitter.


----------



## angelpixie

Um, what about the daytime job I already have? :scratchhead:


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Um, what about the daytime job I already have? :scratchhead:


 Are you implying your job is more important then me and my puppies? How dare you!


----------



## 06Daddio08

NoWhere said:


> Are you implying your job is more important then me and my puppies? How dare you!


Codependent much?

=D


----------



## unsure78

NoWhere said:


> Are you implying your job is more important then me and my puppies? How dare you!


Where are pics of these puppies?


----------



## angelpixie

*GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!*


----------



## HappyKaty

What's wrong, woman?!


----------



## Dollystanford

HULK SMASH!!!

what's up angelface


----------



## angelpixie

I'll give you one guess.

Here's a clue:
First name Chinless, last name Douchcanoe. 

Still doesn't have his part of the affidavits done, wants to change the settlement AGAIN -- separate from the change since the house will be split by the time the D happens, and then says 'Well, let's go get everything notarized tomorrow!' 

Um, hello! I can't get your papers, my papers, get to the lawyer to get those reworked, AND work at my regular fvcking job AND get everything notarized tomorrow, Fvckface!!!

GRRRRRR!!! Not everyone spends their entire days working the system to see how to best take advantage of the American taxpayer. 

Vent. Vent. Vent. Rant. Rant. Rant. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

OK, back to work. 

I need to go have a ridiculously irresponsible good time. Soon. Or you won't like AP when she's angry...


----------



## angelpixie

The Heaving Bosom of Fury


----------



## angelpixie

Sorry, that just came to mind. And it made me laugh.


----------



## Ikaika

What a piece of sh!t, toothless (at least in my presence that's what he would be). I say we take a collection for Angel and send her on a Caribbean cruise.


----------



## vi_bride04

drerio said:


> What a piece of sh!t, toothless (at least in my presence that's what he would be). I say we take a collection for Angel and send her on a Caribbean cruise.


Only if I can go with her too and we have some fun as single gals LOL


----------



## our vision shattered

Wait, I wanna go, I'll be the cabana boy


----------



## vi_bride04

our vision shattered said:


> Wait, I wanna go, I'll be the cabana boy


I think we need more than one of those...for sure....more than one....anyone else want to be a cabana boy???


----------



## angelpixie

Have been texting my brother -- my dad went back today, and they said he has a torn ligament in his neck and two twisted vertebrae. He has to go in til May to get that taken care of. I guess he's in some pain today.  But still no sign of any kind of head injury.

He and my bro were going to come out here in January, but now they're not sure.


----------



## NoWhere

At least he's not like my dad. You wouldn't be able to tell if he had a head injury or not.


----------



## HappyKaty

NoWhere said:


> At least he's not like my dad. You wouldn't be able to tell if he had a head injury or not.


Seems that'd be the case with Chinless, too, yeah?


----------



## angelpixie

HappyKaty said:


> Seems that'd be the case with Chinless, too, yeah?


:rofl:


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> The Heaving Bosom of Fury


who let the puppies out. who... who... who... ?

nice use of "fvckface". a favorite appellation/invective/endearment of mine.


----------



## HappyKaty

Orpheus said:


> nice use of "fvckface". a favorite appellation/invective/endearment of mine.


I, too, enjoy "fvckface", along with "fvcktard".


----------



## angelpixie

I believe Dolly's also thrown a British spin on it with 'fvckwit.'


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I believe Dolly's also thrown a British spin on it with 'fvckwit.'


Fvcktwit... Missing a 't'


----------



## angelpixie

That works, too.


----------



## Dollystanford

no f*cktwit doesn't trip off the tongue

make your swearing as effortless as possible people


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> no f*cktwit doesn't trip off the tongue
> 
> make your swearing as effortless as possible people


After all tongue acrobatics should be reserved for more meaningful activities.


----------



## humanbecoming

Wow. the Guy is a tool.


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> After all tongue acrobatics should be reserved for more meaningful activities.



I hope you're talking about licking lollipops, bud, because this is a Family Thread, aight?


----------



## Matt1720

Dollystanford said:


> no f*cktwit doesn't trip off the tongue
> 
> make your swearing as effortless as possible people


fufufufushifufufuahfufufu

i feel better


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I hope you're talking about licking lollipops, bud, because this is a Family Thread, aight?


Of course... I don't know what you were thinking


----------



## Ikaika

http://youtu.be/xjF9igwBYJQ


----------



## HappyKaty

angelpixie said:


> I hope you're talking about licking lollipops, bud, because this is a Family Thread, aight?


Angel, we all know about the secret life of a librarian. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## angelpixie

You can tell she's a real librarian - she has glasses.


----------



## Dollystanford

and he's holding what I assume is an overdue book


----------



## angelpixie

Or the Kama Sutra.


----------



## angelpixie

My mini-tree at work. Can't find my battery-op lights, though.


----------



## jpr

I like the little-bitty stockings.

cute. cute. cute.


----------



## angelpixie

Yeah, it's perfect because there are 3 of us in our little 'pod' of cubicles.


----------



## angelpixie

Damn, damn, damn!!! My heat is out again. I've had to light the pilot 3 times since I got home from work today. And now it's out again. So it will be frigging freezing in here when we get up tomorrow. I'm so sick of this!!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon

angelpixie said:


> Made a deal with STBXH last night that I get all unused paint, wood flooring (about enough to do a small room), tile, etc. to use for my new place, in exchange for all the work I've done on the place lately.
> 
> And I made an important realization today. I'm really, truly no longer physically attracted to him. (Yes, I know you're all wondering how I could have been attracted to someone we refer to as Chinless anyway) But I used to find him incredibly sexy and could overlook the usual human flaws. For a long time, I would have given anything for him to want me again, but now? Not at all. As the song says "But that was love and that's an ache I still remember." But I no longer feel it. That's a really big step in the deadening. It's kind of melancholy in a weird way, to realize you no longer have those feelings for the person you planned to spend your life with, and in my case, the only lover I've had, and the father of my child. But I still don't even know who I loved -- was he real or some kind of persona then? Is he real or in some fog now? It doesn't matter. In the present, he is not someone who I love, need, or want to have. For our son's sake I hope he gets it together, but it's too late for me.



I want what you have...i want that feeling to be gone. I want to fall out of love and to not want him and yearn for him...I want this so bad. 
you see I wasn't complacent. I've been 'in love' with my husband this whole time and it's weird. makes me nutz. i hate it. 

i want to be where your at...


----------



## nice777guy

angelpixie said:


> Damn, damn, damn!!! My heat is out again. I've had to light the pilot 3 times since I got home from work today. And now it's out again. So it will be frigging freezing in here when we get up tomorrow. I'm so sick of this!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hang in there...


----------



## Stella Moon

angelpixie said:


> Damn, damn, damn!!! My heat is out again. I've had to light the pilot 3 times since I got home from work today. And now it's out again. So it will be frigging freezing in here when we get up tomorrow. I'm so sick of this!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


wow...really? 

furnace guy was over twice last night...it was fixed by this morning...cost me $320. 

the pets and i holed up in the bedroom for the night with an electric heater...house got COLD...not good... not this little shack of a lakehouse...


----------



## angelpixie

Yeah, the maintenance guy from the rental agency put on a new thermocouple in October, but I don't know if it was defective. It's not windy, so it shouldn't have been blown out. I've got the little electric heater in DS' room, so he should be OK.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

TAMs is kinda wonky tonight, eh?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## our vision shattered

I havent had a problem but i see others are, hmmmm


----------



## Eternal Embrace

Still is kinda wonky... got on an hour ago and every thread was a white screen reading "22"...

And what the hell is with the "how z"???

Angel - you have an electric blankets? It's probably too late for the question now... I've heard they can be quite toasty - I for one don't use them - am totally paranoid of them setting me on fire in my sleep - been told this is a baseless fear but...


----------



## angelpixie

No, EE, I don't have one, but I'm just as paranoid as you are, lol. The year after I graduated from high school, a defective heater caused an electrical fire and we lost our home. 

It took a *lot* for me to buy the little heater that I have, lol.


----------



## Dollystanford

well Tosspot texted me and informed me about his bowel movements, there's definitely no attraction left ha ha


----------



## angelpixie

WTH? On what planet is that considered OK? Well, I guess the same one Sassie is from. 

So, did you ignore him? It would be sooooo tempting to think of some kind of response.


----------



## Lon

"Hi ex, I know we don't talk much anymore but I just had a big dump and for some reason it made me think of you"


----------



## Dollystanford

I ignored the specifics and just sent an 'ok' back
I refused to be drawn in to a conversation about it


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> My mini-tree at work. Can't find my battery-op lights, though.


*That's a cute tree, Angel, but that's not how I imagined your workplace. I was picturing something cozy like this:*








*Hope you can get the heat back on soon.*


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, man, OG -- I wish!! There's a fireplace like that in the house I'm kind of interested in. Maybe I could decorate like that. I don't have that many books, though. (However, Chinless does -- he moved them all upstairs and I'm waiting for the LR ceiling to crack, lol)


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


>


Suddenly got this urge to go to the library. Strange.


----------



## angelpixie

Had group today. My therapist insisted I take her office space heater with me.  She's a sweetheart. And a damn good therapist, too.


----------



## angelpixie

DS just played Jingle Bells for me on his sax.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> DS just played Jingle Bells for me on his sax.


Aww Angel, I wish I could hear it. You know me I love music and music played by kids, that sets the tears flowing.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, he's no Stan Getz, I have to tell you. :rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Well, he's no Stan Getz, I have to tell you. :rofl:


Well, I'm no Stanley Clarke... makes no difference, I hear between all the off notes and just hear the beauty and soul of the player. I'm sure he put soul into it.


----------



## Matt1720

Man you mention his sax playing a lot haha. He sounds really into it


----------



## angelpixie

No, not as much I'd hoped. But we do make him practice, and they're getting ready for the couple of numbers they'll be playing for the holiday 'concert'. From what I can tell, it's Jingle Bells, Frere Jacques, and the fight song for our university team (groan).


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> *No, not as much I'd hoped*. But we do make him practice, and they're getting ready for the couple of numbers they'll be playing for the holiday 'concert'. From what I can tell, it's Jingle Bells, Frere Jacques, and the fight song for our university team (groan).


Ok... just tell him getting the notes right is great; but, musicians feel their music first and the technical aspects of the right notes will flow. He gets the passion and fire of the music and he will be great.


----------



## angelpixie

Just heard a story on NPR on fruitcake. Makes me want to make some. I have a really good recipe -- no candied anything. If I want to give it time to age, I'd better make some this weekend. In the past, I make it too late and I end up sending it out for Valentine's Day, lol.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> just heard a story on npr on fruitcake. Makes me want to make some. I have a really good recipe -- no candied anything. If i want to give it time to age, i'd better make some this weekend. In the past, i make it too late and i end up sending it out for valentine's day, lol.


do it!!!!


----------



## angelpixie

OK, what a difference a day makes, LOL! Last night I was freezing, and tonight I'm roasting. We were just about to walk out the door tonight and the guy from the rental company showed up to look at the heater. He agrees that it probably needs another thermocouple, but told me not to turn the thermostat down. That will help it stay running till he can come back tomorrow afternoon to fix it. So, thankfully it hasn't turned off again, but it's a bit warm in here, LOL. I usually wake up with a terrible headache if I sleep where it's too warm, so I hope that doesn't happen. 

Scheduling mix-up -- STFC was taken off the studio schedule til after the new year, but my instructor didn't know about it. Or forgot that she set it up. So, no class tonight. She's going to try to get it set up for next week again. Last week was my first in about 4 weeks. I don't want to have to wait weeks again to go back.  

But to end on a positive note: Dark Chocolate Fudge Stripe Cookies? :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Spreading a little holiday cheer

A Very Calvin and Hobbes Christmas

:noel:


----------



## our vision shattered

Grew up with calvin & hobbs, one ofmy all time favs


----------



## oncehisangel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncfAnW-jN1M


----------



## oncehisangel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYFVXq38dAc

and one for the lads


----------



## Eternal Embrace

You keep mentioning all the delicious morsels you're gonna make... I'm tempted to come and construct an igloo in your back yard or something so I can pilfer them...


----------



## angelpixie

We could do a TAM cookie exchange!


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> We could do a TAM cookie exchange!


That reminded me of this cookie monster picture. Cracks me up everytime


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> We could do a TAM cookie exchange!


Can I be part of this, pleeeeassse. Cookie, cookie, cookie.


----------



## HappyKaty

drerio said:


> Can I be part of this, pleeeeassse. Cookie, cookie, cookie.


Me, too!

I'm just before beginning all my holiday baking.

:smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Good news? I think I lost a couple of pounds. :smthumbup:

Why do I think this? I'm wearing my hip-huggers w/o a belt today, and they are falling down. As long as I don't have to walk around much, I should be OK.

Wait. I have IC today. Which means parking in the ramp and walking 3 blocks there and back. Uh oh.... 

See? If I had Mom Jeans on, the elastic would protect me from such things.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Good news? I think I lost a couple of pounds. :smthumbup:
> 
> Why do I think this? I'm wearing my hip-huggers w/o a belt today, and they are falling down. As long as I don't have to walk around much, I should be OK.
> 
> Wait. I have IC today. Which means parking in the ramp and walking 3 blocks there and back. Uh oh....
> 
> See? If I had Mom Jeans on, the elastic would protect me from such things.


No Mom jeans...you're too sexy for mom jeans! 

Good job on the weightloss!


----------



## Lifescript

Good stuff Angel! You keep getting hotter and hotter. Caliente!!


----------



## NoWhere

HappyKaty said:


> Me, too!
> 
> I'm just before beginning all my holiday baking.
> 
> :smthumbup:


You just gave me a idea of something to do this weekend. Bake something delicious and fattening and then eat it all myself! :smthumbup:

On second thought a thick, fat & juicy Ribeye seared on the grill seems more appealing to me!


----------



## angelpixie

Today's installment of Christmas joy. Do a little booty-shakin' to this one, elves and elvettes.

I'll Be Your Santa Baby -- Rufus Thomas


----------



## angelpixie

Breaking news: The closing will be next Wednesday, and the money from the refi will be deposited in my account on...Christmas Eve.

Is this a Merry Christmas present, or another holiday date tainted? 

It will be difficult, but I am really going to try to look at this as him giving me the gift of my future. 

Ironically, December 23rd was the date he proposed to me, and several years later, the date we found out I was pregnant the 2nd time. Neither turned out well. 

But this will finally give me the freedom to actually start looking for a new place to live.


----------



## angelpixie

And my furnace was fixed this afternoon.


----------



## vi_bride04

Look at it as a gift angel...one step closer to being free. Make new Christmas memories


----------



## oncehisangel

angelpixie said:


> Breaking news: The closing will be next Wednesday, and the money from the refi will be deposited in my account on...Christmas Eve.
> 
> Is this a Merry Christmas present, or another holiday date tainted?
> 
> It will be difficult, but I am really going to try to look at this as him giving me the gift of my future.
> 
> Ironically, December 23rd was the date he proposed to me, and several years later, the date we found out I was pregnant the 2nd time. Neither turned out well.
> 
> But this will finally give me the freedom to actually start looking for a new place to live.


third time lucky angel 

love and peace chickadee....you deserve both ♥


----------



## angelpixie

Ahh, I love our modern world. Chinless built this computer, and earlier this week, my C drive was dangerously low on memory. I couldn't figure out what was taking up so much space, and I wasn't sure what programs I really needed and what were leftover things he installed. 
I asked him to take a look at it for me, and he just did so via Remote Assistance. We could just type to each other in Notepad, and he was able to get me 8GB more space. 

:smthumbup: :smthumbup:

Moral of the story: Watch how many minecraft mods DS is downloading! And he adjusted the size of the cache in Adobe Bridge, so hopefully that will help for the future.


ETA: And best of all, I was able to see what kinds of things he was looking for, and what he got rid of, and now I can do all of that myself before asking for help next time.


----------



## Hermes

angelpixie said:


> Ahh, I love our modern world. Chinless built this computer, and earlier this week, my C drive was dangerously low on memory. I couldn't figure out what was taking up so much space, and I wasn't sure what programs I really needed and what were leftover things he installed.
> I asked him to take a look at it for me, and he just did so via Remote Assistance. We could just type to each other in Notepad, and he was able to get me 8GB more space.
> 
> :smthumbup: :smthumbup:
> 
> Moral of the story: Watch how many minecraft mods DS is downloading! And he adjusted the size of the cache in Adobe Bridge, so hopefully that will help for the future.
> 
> 
> ETA: And best of all, I was able to see what kinds of things he was looking for, and what he got rid of, and now I can do all of that myself before asking for help next time.


Download windirstat. It is a management tool I use for my home, office and client networks to analyze disk space usage. It is super easy to use and will save you tons of space.


----------



## angelpixie

Awkward Family Updates, Christmas 2012 edition. 

Today when he picked up DS, STBXH wanted to talk about pick-ups and drop-offs on Xmas Eve & Day. He has Eve, and I have Day (also the start of having DS for the week). He asked what we wanted to do. DS piped up right away, and said he wanted to open presents at his Dad's house. We did that last year. We had the opposite schedule -- so when I took him to his dad's house, we took all the presents from my side of the fam and opened everything there. The two of them came over to my house for Christmas Day dinner, then they went to a party at the home of Chinless' friends. I invited them to dinner because I couldn't bear not having Christmas dinner with my son. It was hard enough when they left, having the evening alone. 

But this year, when DS said he wanted to open presents at his dad's house, he meant just his dad's presents at his dad's house, and presents from my side at my house. I thought that was very interesting. I agreed with him, and so did his dad. The only problem is that they have Christmas Eve dinner, preps for 'Santa' (tongue in cheek by this age, but still), etc., AND Christmas morning breakfast, gift opening, etc. I would be seeing him for a couple of hours during the day on Christmas Eve, before anything is really going on, then not til early afternoon on Christmas Day. I feel like I'm kind of losing out on both days. And I don't know that there's anything I can do about it. It will be their first Christmas as a family. The three of them will be together on Christmas morning, opening presents, Chinless taking pics, trying to skype with his family. Happy family breakfast, holiday romance for the him and her. I can't pretend it isn't happening, and I can't deny that it's painful to think about. 

By the time DS gets to me, he'll be pretty burnt out.

And, I got a Christmas card in the mail today from his parents. Addressed just to Mrs. Angelpixie Douchecanoe. Mrs.? Nothing inside this year (they did send me a monetary gift last year -- I was curious to see what would happen this year), and signed with their first and last names. At the bottom of the card, she added 'aka 'Mom' Douchecanoe' So, I've been de-familied by them. Do I still send them Christmas goodies like I'd planned? Or just a card? So much for 'you'll always be my daughter' Not that I expected a gift, I didn't. But I certainly didn't expect the formality of the way she signed the card from them. 

Yeah, in a lot of ways, this Christmas is worse than last. I think I was still running on a certain amount of adrenaline, and with no Trampire in the picture yet, we were more amenable to trying to do things that would make DS more comfortable, which had a side effect of making a few things a little less painful for me, too. 

I feel like an outsider in my son's Christmas. I know what I can offer is not as nice as what he'll have with them. They'll go out of their way to give him an over-the-top holiday. I don't have much to compete with that. He'll be with them up to Christmas Day, so any cookie-baking, sledding, etc., etc., will already be done with them by the time I get him. I wish I could just sleep through this, but that's the coward's way out, and is selfish to my son. This year, Christmas Joy seems like an oxymoron.

Time to put on some angry music and clean my house. Trying to look forward to contra tonight.


----------



## angelpixie

Just got invited to an actual Christmas Party for Grown-ups.  And it's on a night I don't have DS, so I can actually go.  
It also happens to be the birthday of the hostess, so there will be double the revelry.


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm sorry angel, I know it's hard but you are his mum. Chinless will never be able to take that away from you no matter what material fripperies he throws at him. 

I haven't even had a card from ex MIL this year, not that I expect anything. Their loyalties will always lie with their little soldiers

At least DS is lucky that he has two parents who want to spend time with him at Xmas. Try and think of it like that if you can. My baby just has me - don't get me wrong, I like it that way, but she doesn't get the choice

Now go dancing, rip that floor up girlfriend! It'll all be over before you know it xx


----------



## angelpixie

Found a clipping with this quote while I was cleaning today:

_Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing smallest does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others._​
- Marianne Williamson​


----------



## angelpixie

Oh contra dancing, I love you so. If I could do it every Saturday instead of only twice a month, that would be so awesome!

One of the ladies that comes all the time has invited everyone over to her place to go caroling in her neighborhood tomorrow night. At first I didn't think I could go because I have DS. But she said to bring him, and my contra friend is also going to bring her boys (one of whom is in DS' class). So that should be fun. She said there are lots of lit-up houses in her neighborhood, and she'll have hot cider & cookies. I've actually never been caroling before!


----------



## angelpixie

Realized I didn't post any audio holiday cheer yesterday, so here's a double dose:

THE DARKNESS - Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End) [Hammersmith. Nov 2011] - YouTube

And especially for my TAM boy friends, who find themselves (to paraphrase one of said TAM friends) 'trimming their own trees' this year.

Enjoy!


----------



## angelpixie

Lights are up on the outside of the house. Blue and white icicle lights across the front, white twinkles on one side. I'm trying not to have a snit because not all of the blue/whites are the same: two short strands are the same with one color blue, slightly longer 'icicles' and the one longer strand has shorter icicles and a different color blue. It's messing with me.  But it is better than last year, when one strand of icicles was all white.  

DS was not excited when I told him about caroling. He's kind of emotional and freaking out a bit about things lately. I hope he's doing OK. It's got his dad and I both concerned. 

We ironed out the Eve/Day schedule a little more. I'll have an early Eve dinner with DS, and they'll keep him til 1:30 on Day, giving them a chance for breakfast and dinner, and I'll have Day dinner and get to take him to a movie (which they'd thought about doing). I explained how it's tough for me to feel like I'm getting the same opportunities with him, since the most important part of Eve is the night, and the biggest things on Day happen first  thing in the morning, all of which is with him and none with me. He said he understood, so I think this will be the best we can both hope for. Under the really crappy circumstances that happen with a divorce, that is. 

I can live with that. 

I found out she's coming into town at midnight Tuesday night, so that's why he asked me to keep DS one more night instead of our usual switchover on Tuesday. 

He also kept saying he hoped the plans he made with me regarding DS on Eve/Day were OK with her because they hadn't had a chance to discuss 'their' plans. Well, if she doesn't like it, she could go stay with her parents, who live about 3 miles away from him. If she's going to get involved with a man(boy) who has a kid, she's going to have to get used to dealing with things regarding him. I'm fresh out of sympathy.


----------



## Dollystanford

:rofl:


----------



## jpr

hehehehe.


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## Matt1720

I just thought I'd stop by and say hello

Christmas should be pretty uneventful for me this year.
anyway, at least its nice and cold
not that its anything like YOUR cold
temperatures are usually on the warmer side here

Potato chips for dinner
oily I know, but so good
orange (cheddar) flavor of course
post more later!


----------



## angelpixie

So STBXH has finally worked on the financial forms and will be dropping them off today. Why all of a sudden when I've been asking for months? Because she's coming into town tomorrow and he wants nothing distracting him from her. 
And it's _my_ fault the divorce is not done. Right.


----------



## angelpixie

So, I can't get in to see the lawyer til next year. I had hoped to start Lucky '13 fresh, but oh well. Chinless is not happy, but tough crap. He can kiss my...mistletoe.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> So, I can't get in to see the lawyer til next year. I had hoped to start Lucky '13 fresh, but oh well. Chinless is not happy, but tough crap. He can kiss my...mistletoe.


"kiss his mistletoad" 

I am not quite sure which platitude best fits the situation... but just wow, toothless is something else.


----------



## HappyKaty

Shame on you, Angel, for not busting your ass to get things done on HIS terms.


----------



## angelpixie

Yeah, I know. Definitely naughty. Nothing for me from Santa this year.


----------



## soca70

Angel - I get this all the time as "I'm dragging my feet" and she's staying in the house "at my request". And I still do not have STBXW law school loan statements (to show how much I've paid on the damn things for 10 years) for my meeting with the attorney on Thurdsay which I asked for a week ago.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, as long as I'm being naughty, I might as well be truly naughty. Instead of eating a plain apple, I'm putting Nutella on it. Take that, Santa!


----------



## Hermes

angelpixie said:


> Well, as long as I'm being naughty, I might as well be truly naughty. Instead of eating a plain apple, I'm putting Nutella on it. Take that, Santa!


Naughty, naughty girl.


----------



## angelpixie

Ho, ho, ho!

Loretta Lynn - To heck with old Santa Claus


----------



## angelpixie

This is the 3rd Christmas I've looked for this. An ornament we got for our first dating Christmas. Cheesy, I know, but started a tradition of getting one 'special' ornament each year. I finally found it today. 

My first piece of relationship-related destruction. Probably not the last. It didn't really make me feel better, but there was no reason to leave this intact.


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## Ikaika

I don't know why, given how toothless has treated you, but I want to cry seeing that pic.


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## angelpixie

Yeah. Brings back a lot of memories. I remember looking for just the perfect ornament. When we saw this one, we knew we had it. 

Oh well. What are ya gonna do, eh? It takes more than dreams and plans to make a marriage work. You move on. DS doesn't notice that we don't have the same ornaments on the tree as we did on our last Christmas together, so there's no reason to feel bad about it. Any other ones that I find that aren't personalized, I'll just give away to Goodwill or something. As long as the tree looks nice and DS enjoys it, that's all that matters. I don't have to attach meaning to things like I used to. Detachment is the healthier way to go.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Yeah. Brings back a lot of memories. I remember looking for just the perfect ornament. When we saw this one, we knew we had it.
> 
> Oh well. What are ya gonna do, eh? It takes more than dreams and plans to make a marriage work. You move on. DS doesn't notice that we don't have the same ornaments on the tree as we did on our last Christmas together, so there's no reason to feel bad about it. Any other ones that I find that aren't personalized, I'll just give away to Goodwill or something. As long as the tree looks nice and DS enjoys it, that's all that matters. I don't have to attach meaning to things like I used to. Detachment is the healthier way to go.


I completely understand, I guess I am just being me and thinking about my wife and I were married on Christmas eve and we share so much of that holiday in our decorations. I am sorry Angel, this is not about me... I really hope your son can find this Christmas to be special regardless. I also hope you can find peace and healing as well. I get teary eyed when I think if my friends and the season and the importance of family and my friends old and new. My gift is to love my wife and boys more this year than last and I do, I really do.


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## jpr

I recently came across a photo of Sassie and I in an old frame. I took the photo out and ripped it into a gazillion pieces and threw it away. 

No, it didn't really make me feel better.  Not really. I think next time, I will just throw away that kind of stuff and not make a big prodution out of it. It is just 'stuff'...it once meant something...perhaps...maybe just to me? ...Who knows? ...but, that was in the past. 

Time to clean up and move on.


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## angelpixie

Yes. Just feeling the feelings and letting them go. It's best to get rid of these things because the memories they bring back are just poison and totally get in the way of going forward.

In a way, it's lucky that our kids were as young as they were when we split from their dads. They didn't have time to have firmly established memories of what the holidays, birthdays, etc., 'should' be like. We're the ones that hold those memories. Their dads let them go. We can, too. Our holidays are what we make them now.


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## angelpixie

I don't want to change my avi, but I love this.


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## 06Daddio08

Good job Angel.

Do what it is you need to do to move on.

I still put myself through the songs I used to cry myself to the point of drowning from time to time.

Look at photos.

Read through old e-mails I wrote but never sent.

Think about Christmas.

Other holidays.

Keep building that skin thicker and thicker.


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## angelpixie

On the other end of the spectrum, vocaroo is a very....useful...online utility which can be downright deadly when combined with certain other programs...deadly to the dark doldrums of December, that is....muahahahaha...


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## Eternal Embrace

I think the destruction and or getting rid of things that hold that "meaning" is good... I did it myself this past weekend - gathered up the 2 tshirts of his, all the pics (including wedding photos), all the cards/noted he'd given me and chucked them all in the can... today is trash pickup and I'd be lying if I said I didn't have smirk on my face when I passed by said can on the way to my car this morning! :smthumbup:


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## HappyKaty

Eternal Embrace said:


> I think the destruction and or getting rid of things that hold that "meaning" is good... I did it myself this past weekend - gathered up the 2 tshirts of his, all the pics (including wedding photos),


Hmmm.

I never even got wedding photos printed.

Does that mean something?

:rofl:


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## angelpixie

I'd say so!! :rofl:


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## angelpixie

Ahh, things are better this morning. DS is over his tummy flu and back to school. Had a few good chuckles this morning, and now I'm out the door to the lib.


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## Eternal Embrace

HappyKaty said:


> Hmmm.
> 
> I never even got wedding photos printed.
> 
> Does that mean something?
> 
> :rofl:


Ha! I never took his last name, just kept my maiden - my "adopted" dad says that meant deep down that I never really loved him completely in the first place!


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## NoWhere

drerio said:


> I don't know why, given how toothless has treated you, but I want to cry seeing that pic.


Me too. 




angelpixie said:


> Yes. Just feeling the feelings and letting them go. It's best to get rid of these things because the memories they bring back are just poison and totally get in the way of going forward..


Your a stronger person then me. I can't bare to get rid of a lot of things. Though they are mostly boxed away. After all, the memories tied to a lot of things I have were good memories that I don't want to completely eliminate from my life. I just don't want to think about them right now. Am I being delusional here? I suppose. But seeing them and destroying them right now would make me breakdown in tears.


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## angelpixie

Well, you're not in this very far yet, NW. I still have a lot of those things, too. As I mentioned above, this was the first time I did something like that. I just haven't felt like I could. I'm glad I was able to last night without more than feeling sad. No tears, so I guess I'm finally toughening up. 

You'll get there, too. But you don't have to rush things. Do it when you're ready and feels right to you.


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## angelpixie

Yay!! Because of DS' holiday break falling during his week with me, I found myself having to scramble for what to do with my work schedule. 
STBXH will only take him 2 mornings. I have to cover 4 days. And prior to this, my supervisor hasn't been real keen on letting me work extra time at home beyond my regular schedule. When I told her DS was out sick yesterday, I also broached the subject of next week. *She* came up with a project that I can do from home, and gave me the training on it this afternoon. Yay!! What a relief. I didn't want to have to take precious vacation days when I'll hopefully be moving in the next month or two, and my dad and brother may be visiting in a couple of weeks. 

It's so nice when things work out!!







:woohoo:


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## angelpixie

I'm truly grateful for the working-from-home things being resolved. But I need to blather a bit. I beg your forgiveness in advance.

Always in the back of my mind today is the fact that she's coming back from France tonight. DS was supposed to go back with his dad tonight. He'd asked me to keep DS one extra night, but didn't say why. I (stupidly) thought it was a party or something. A couple days ago, I found out the real reason. 

Having a relationship with someone with a disordered personality is such a mindfvck. He didn't even want to see DS at all today, and I can easily guess why, based on experience. I will bet tomorrow's paycheck that the house is decorated with flowers, probably the bedroom, too. He is over the top romantic at holiday time, and it's their reunion besides. As I mentioned above, he proposed the night before Christmas Eve. I know how this goes. 

On the other hand, knowing what I do about him, I know that I, and all of his EAs (including Trampire) have all been 'damaged' goods. He wanted to 'fix' us to make himself feel better. I know for a fact that he viewed her that way - saw it in black and white. I'm sure he'd deny it now because he's idealizing her. Been there, too.

So, while those times were romantic, I know they're really false. He may really believe he's feeling those things the best he can, but part of him knows exactly how to manipulate the weakness of the female he's with. 

It feels really empty to know that the only memories that I have like that in my life are all with someone who was really disordered the whole time. So many times I felt like it couldn't really be true that this person could love *me* that much. I was right, but not in the way I thought. It's really hard not to feel like crap about myself. 

But I know that I really was a broken person. Unfortunately, that got worse with him, not better. I'm proud of myself for not giving up, even though there really were times I thought I was losing my mind, and that I just wanted the earth to swallow me up. But that only goes so far.

I think about how much I've changed. What I've had to face about myself. The things I've done since I stopped living with him, and more things that I already have planned. I have really good friends, an amazing son that I'm closer with than ever, a therapist that is perfect for me, and I'm lucky to have a better relationship with my dad and brother, too (sadly, since my mom passed away. Another disordered soul).

I just wish he wasn't this blot on my past. The placeholder for so many memories and experiences in my life. I don't want him to be this spectre throwing a shadow over everything. It wasn't one of those 'we just grew apart' kind of splits, so sorting 'good' memories from 'bad' memories isn't quite that cut and dry.

I'm making new memories. But some things you only do once. I'm trying what I can in my situation, but as with a lot of people on TAM, it's hard to see right now how, logically and logistically speaking, some things would ever work out. I'm trying not to feel like I've blown my only chance. That I have totally fcked up my life with the choices I made. I guess that's what I've been trying not to say through all this. But deep down, I know that's how I feel. Pretending that feeling isn't there isn't helping me. But now that I've admitted it, now what? Oh, I know, I'll soldier forth. What else is there to do? I can never undo those choices (and some I would never want to), but they do have major ripple effects, no matter what I do from this point forward. Part of me wants to use my experience to warn people, 'Don't do what I did!! Learn from my mistakes!' But that's kind of crazy. I have this mental picture of me in a sandwich board on a street corner, but instead of the board saying 'The End of the World is Nigh' mine would say 'The End of Your Relationship is Nigh.' Aaaannnnddd people would treat _me_ like a nut, too.


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## angelpixie

OK, glad I got that out of my system. Whew. 

Time to take DS for a little Xmas shopping before the Y. Have to ask my friend to explain just what the heck she's planning for her party this weekend.  And what kind of adult beverages I should bring.


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## angelpixie

And I want to take a minute to thank all of my TAM friends for all of their support, kindness, and for helping me to laugh so many times I can't count. I wouldn't have made it through this year nearly so well without you. I love you all. XO


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## HappyKaty

You're an amazing woman, Angel!


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## muskrat

Ap, I totally understand what you are saying. The memories will always be there, especially for those of us that have children. We can't forget all the happy family moments and every time we look at our kids we are reminded of the family we once had. I also feel like I blew my chances. I don't live where I want to and don't have the job I want. These things I'm kind of stuck with at least until my children are adults.
A year before my wedding I broke up with my stbxw because I had found out some things about her past which made me question her morals. She begged and wrote heartfelt letters and I caved. I often think about that time and wonder why I didn't stick to my guns. She has since proven that my fears were well founded. On the other hand I have two beautiful children from this marriage. I guess I learned I should trust my instincts more.


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## jpr

I am so sorry about the Trampire. ....I know that hurts.

Sasquatch acts almost the same way with his Tart. ...fawning all over her...she makes him feel needs, and he eats it up. It is all so shallow and fake, though.

...but, even though that is true...it still does hurt when you let your mind imagine their "reunion". 

You are just so much better...so much more genuine than that Chinless Dweeb and A-moral Tramp.

grrrr..

I know you have regrets, Angel. But, try to stop your brain from thinking about those regrets. ...I don't want those regrets to pull you down and break your momentum. You are on a road of fabulousity...and you need to keep on keeping on.


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## angelpixie

Thanks, HK, MR and jpr. 

It is bizarre for those of us with kids. Looking back, we can see all kinds of warnings that these people weren't right for us. Yet, do we really want to go so far as to regret having our children? I can't do that, so jpr is right, I can't let the regrets I do have take over everything else. I did make some bad choices and big mistakes. Having DS isn't one of them. 

Tonight was a really great night at the Y. Our topic was appreciation. Not of things, but of ourselves and each other. Again, the things we had in common were so apparent: how difficult it was for us to say things we appreciated about ourselves, yet we filled 3x5 cards with things we appreciated about every other woman in the group. They are such a _great_ group of women and I love them all, but it was striking how many of us could hear ex-spouses' words countering positive things we could finally come up with. I was amazed at the things people wrote about me. It is still extremely hard for me to take it in, and others felt that way, too. That programming is really hard to undo. But the changes are happening.

Why is it so much easier for us to believe the terrible things we've heard from abusive parents and/or spouses than it is to believe positive things we hear from any- and everyone else? I think it's the 'authority' that comes from being a parent and the supposed intimate knowledge of us that a spouse is supposed to have. Those of us tackling these issues in therapy often learn that we are programmed by that child/parent relationship to subconsciously pick someone just like them. So we marry someone who treats us just as badly, thus reinforcing the bad message.

Once we can truly take away their authority, and make them just another voice we hear, equal to (or lesser than) every other voice, then their put downs and denigration are minimized. And we can learn to do this.

It's much better than it used to be. But I look forward to the day when I don't ever hear their voices inside, telling me that what I _know_ about myself isn't true. 

*One of the women said she has noticed that the more healthy she has become, the more healthy are the people that have come into her life, and the easier it is to spot the unhealthy ones. I believe that will be true for all of us.*


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## TBT

angelpixie said:


> I was amazed at the things people wrote about me.[/B]


It wouldn't amaze me at all what they wrote about you.You're a special person Angel,and it comes shining through in your posts on this board to all of us here who have come to know and care about you.


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## Lifescript

Agree. 

And it's true that as we improve ourselves, we get better at identifying people who are not good for us.


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## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Why is it so much easier for us to believe the terrible things we've heard from abusive parents and/or spouses than it is to believe positive things we hear from any- and everyone else?


I think its human nature to be over critical of yourself while ignoring the issues of others. The opposite of that is someone who is full of himself and thinks he is perfect. There is no room to grow from there. 

I think you've shown everyone on TAM, through your posts, how great, kind and loving a person you are. For you it just subconsciously seeps out of what you post. For us its very apparent you are a good person with a lot of heart and soul. 

Not trying to inflate your ego too much, but I think you will eventually find you have a lot of positive attributes and lots to offer in a friendship or romantic relationship.


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## Ikaika

NoWhere said:


> *I think its human nature to be over critical of yourself* while ignoring the issues of others. The opposite of that is someone who is full of himself and thinks he is perfect. There is no room to grow from there.
> 
> I think you've shown everyone on TAM, through your posts, how great, kind and loving a person you are. For you it just subconsciously seeps out of what you post. For us its very apparent you are a good person with a lot of heart and soul.
> 
> Not trying to inflate your ego too much, but I think you will eventually find you have a lot of positive attributes and lots to offer in a friendship or romantic relationship.


A little human nature and a lot of conditioning. When you grow up and are told you are nothing and worthless as a child it is hard to shake that image no matter how old you get. I don't think Angel's son will ever have to endure that conditioning, she is too good of a mom. A mom I wish I had growing up.


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## NoWhere

Oh I fully understand. I've had so much childhood drama I'd be a therapists wet dream..


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## angelpixie

Uhh...


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## vi_bride04

drerio said:


> A little human nature and a lot of conditioning. When you grow up and are told you are nothing and worthless as a child it is hard to shake that image no matter how old you get. I don't think Angel's son will never have to endure that conditioning, she is too good of a mom. * A mom I wish I had growing up. *


Me too! 

Angel, you rock.


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## angelpixie

*From DS' first band concert today.*


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## Ikaika

Angel

Thank you for sharing.


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## Lon

is he taking a picture of you in that first pic? cute.


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## angelpixie

House re-fi closed today. I won't be getting the money on 12/24, I'll be getting it 12/26. He also went and split our car insurance so that we're not getting the multi-line discount anymore. He didn't tell me he was going to do that today, but whatever. 

He wants to switch the schedule on Eve/Day again. Apparently, the two of them scheduled a big Day dinner, and so now they want to have DS for that. He starts his week with me on C. Day. I told him he could have DS thru lunch on Day, if I could have him for a couple of hours for an early bite on Eve. I'd planned to do a nice dinner and go to a movie with DS on Day. He'd be with them on C. Eve, C. Day for morning present-opening and breakfast, and also lunch. I really don't want to change. I think we had a plan that was the most fair for both parents to split the best parts of both days. It's not my problem that he and his gf decided to have a C. Day dinner. They could have had a brunch, then DS would have definitely been there. I want to deal with her as little as possible; I don't want to do a bunch of back and forth. I want to be fair, but I think he's asking too much.


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## vi_bride04

Just tell him you have plans with DS and you can't change them.

"I'm not ok with that, Chinless..."


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## angelpixie

You're right, Vi. Yes. I will. We made our plans on how we were going to split it up days ago. It was up to him to use that information when they scheduled their dinner. Not to assume they could rearrange me.

It's a lot more traveling back and forth for DS, too. 


I sent him about 10 pics from the concert (he missed most of it due to the refi). Just got an email congratulating me on the good pics. High praise coming from the 'professional' and his 'assistant'.   I'm celebrating with spiked egg nog.


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## vi_bride04

He might throw a fit but that's probably expected...lol

I'm sure things will work out. They seem to be for you lately


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## Dollystanford

Angel, I know it's not in your nature - it's not in mine either - but you have to start playing hardball. He can't just chop and change when it suits him, that's no good for you or DS. 

If he wants to make frou frou plans let him plan around pre-existing arrangements. He will hate you standing up to him - all the more reason you should do it. What do you have to lose? You're not trying to impress him, you don't have to make him happy. He has Trampire to stroke his ego for him

Say NO MORE!!

You Chinless wanker


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## 06Daddio08

Yeah... No.

Your schedule is set in stone unless something dire comes up.

This, is not.


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## angelpixie

So, please give me some help with this. He has DS all of Christmas Eve. We switch for the week on Christmas Day, just because it falls on a Tuesday, our usual switch day. We usually end up being able to see DS every day -- the 'off' parent sees him after school. 

No school on Monday, and I took the day off from work. Most of the 'good stuff' of Christmas Eve obviously happens later at night. Most of the 'good stuff' (or at least the best stuff) of Christmas Day is first thing in the morning. 

Without any negotiation, I would probably be seeing DS before dinner on Eve, miss special time with him that night, then not get him til early afternoon on C. Day. In my mind, even though one of us has him Christmas Eve, and the other Christmas Day, only one parent really has him for the best parts of both days. 

What we negotiated a few days ago, was that I'd take DS from 3-6 on Eve, where we'd have an early dinner. Then he'd go to his dad's and spend the night, have Christmas morning with them, call his dad's family, have breakfast and lunch with him, then I'd get him at about 1:30. My feeling, from past years, is that he's going to be pretty much over Christmas by then.

Then, he'd finally be able to open presents from my side of the family, talk to my side of the family, etc. I'd make a small Christmas dinner for the two of us, then I planned on taking us out for a movie.

--------

What STBXH wants now is to let me have DS overnight on Eve, but bring him back *early* on Christmas Day, so just enough time for presents, but not even breakfast or calling family. He'd be with his dad til after their big dinner party, then back with me. Who knows if it will be early enough to go to the movies. And yes, I'm pretty sure he'll be over it all by the time I get him. 

He thinks he's doing me a favor by giving me all of Christmas Eve. I get a dinner that night, he gets a dinner the next day. But our morning will be really rushed, trying to make sure we get him to his dad's early 'enough.' It's a lot of back and forth for DS. 

It sucks no matter how we try to work it. None of us has the Christmas we want. That's divorce. But am I being unreasonable to not want to change? Knowing the details, what do you all think? What would you do?


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## Ikaika

In some context a verbal agreement is as good as a signed contract. You should tell toothless that next time he makes a schedule that he think it through and unless there is a pressing emergency a deal is a deal. End of story. 

Tell him I said so


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## Dollystanford

Honestly? I would probably ask DS what he would prefer and go with that. Or is he not quite old enough for that?


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## angelpixie

I don't really want to put him in the position of making a choice. I think that would be hard for him. He already told us he wants to open presents separately, but we didn't really go further than that. And when we talked to him before, it was before the dinner party was scheduled.


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## angelpixie

If we had scheduled it the way he's asking now, from the very beginning, I might be more OK with it. I think one of the things that's bothering me now is the way he wants to rearrange me because of what the two of them later decide to do. 

I think they believe that, since I don't have family and friends here to entertain, my life is less important, and therefore, I have no real reason not to move things around. Unfortunately, one could say they have a basis for this thinking. I don't want to set that precedent.


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## Ikaika

Agree Angel, a little unfair to ask the little guy to be the adult and make the visitation decisions. I guess this where my "alpha" would come out


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## Ikaika

Angel put your foot down now or expect to be manipulated more in the future.


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## 06Daddio08

You're empowering him far too much with thoughts of 'him and her' with your emotions Angel.

I can see it in the way you're typing and what you're saying.

What you 'think they are thinking' when asking for schedule changes is off focus and will serve you no good.

Trying to give 'reason' to why they are asking and trying to do what they are doesn't do you any good.

You are also selling yourself short by 'assuming' your son will be 'over it all' by the time he gets back with you.

Try to change your perception on this all.

It feels far too negative.

In my honest opinion.

Stick with the original plan.

Make the best of it.

Like the many times you have done before.


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## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> He thinks he's doing me a favor by giving me all of Christmas Eve. I get a dinner that night, he gets a dinner the next day. But our morning will be really rushed, trying to make sure we get him to his dad's early 'enough.' It's a lot of back and forth for DS.


 Make his dad come pick them up. All you can do is keep pushing for more of what you want. Like you said there really isn't going to be a perfect solution.


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## angelpixie

I think part of the problem, Up, is that I feel like it's two against one. I feel like I need to have a legitimate reason to say I don't want to change it. Just saying "I'm not OK with that" isn't enough.
He has already started trying to manipulate me emotionally by saying how happy he is that DS lives so close to both of us and that we can work things out so well. After telling me he wants to rearrange everything for no other reason than to accomodate their dinner.
Since you have kids -- would you be OK with what we'd originally decided?


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## NoWhere

Wait originally you weren't going to see them till Xmas afternoon? So he wants you to bring the kids over early Xmas morning for him, but was only going to bring them to you in the afternoon? 

IMO if it was me I'd say one parent gets them all Xmas Eve and the other gets them all Xmas day. Which means early morning on Xmas day. Not in the afternoon. Much more simple.


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## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> I think part of the problem, Up, is that I feel like it's two against one. I feel like I need to have a legitimate reason to say I don't want to change it. Just saying "I'm not OK with that" isn't enough.
> He has already started trying to manipulate me emotionally by saying how happy he is that DS lives so close to both of us and that we can work things out so well. After telling me he wants to rearrange everything for no other reason than to accomodate their dinner.
> Since you have kids -- would you be OK with what we'd originally decided?


I told my ex about a month and a half ago I would like to arrange Christmas plans.

She agreed and said we would soon.

I did not bring it up again.

When she dropped the kids off 2 weeks ago after her mid week visitation he asked me "so what's going on for Christmas".

I didn't bring up the fact it had been a month since I said we needed to talk.

So I planned out what I wanted in that time.

I have the kids this week and next week.

So I have them Christmas Eve and Christmas.

Clearly that would not be fair to the kids (and her).

I know her mother makes an early lunch on Christmas Day.

Our old routine was;

-My moms for Christmas Eve dinner

-We did our thing as a family Christmas morning

-Go for lunch later that at her parents, stay until the evening.

I suggested, seeing how this year it fell on my week, that I have them Christmas Eve and then she can pick them up late morning for her family function.

She brought up our old routine, that we used to do my moms thing on Christmas Eve.

I reminded her that was old methods and we are no longer doing things that way with our new lifestyle.

Suggested that she can come pick them up around 10-11am on Christmas and even offered her to take them for the night and bring them back the following day (Boxing Day).

We could do the same thing next year, but rotate it, so it's fair.

She agreed.

I mentioned how it would most likely all be set up through the courts later on anyways but I felt this was fair.

I'll have them Christmas Eve, Christmas morning and she can have them the rest of the day.

Last Sunday when I picked them up, I offered the stay over again.

She doesn't want to because it's too much driving for her (she lives out of town).

So she is content on simply having them 10am-6pm Christmas Day.

That's okay by me, I'd enjoy the extra time watching them play with the new things they got.


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## angelpixie

If he had him after dinner Christmas Eve til the next day, then, No, I wouldn't get him til the afternoon. If I had him all of Christmas Eve/overnight, then he'd want him back early morning til after dinner, then I'd get him back again. So yeah, a lot of the time I'd have him under the new plan, he'd be asleep. I just realized that.


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## Ikaika

UpnOver said:


> You're empowering him far too much with thoughts of 'him and her' with your emotions Angel.
> 
> I can see it in the way you're typing and what you're saying.
> 
> What you 'think they are thinking' when asking for schedule changes is off focus and will serve you no good.
> 
> Trying to give 'reason' to why they are asking and trying to do what they are doesn't do you any good.
> 
> You are also selling yourself short by 'assuming' your son will be 'over it all' by the time he gets back with you.
> 
> Try to change your perception on this all.
> 
> It feels far too negative.
> 
> In my honest opinion.
> 
> Stick with the original plan.
> 
> Make the best of it.
> 
> Like the many times you have done before.


This one gets my vote


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## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> If he had him after dinner Christmas Eve til the next day, then, No, I wouldn't get him til the afternoon. If I had him all of Christmas Eve/overnight, then he'd want him back early morning til after dinner, then I'd get him back again. So yeah, a lot of the time I'd have him under the new plan, he'd be asleep. I just realized that.


Your original plan is;

You get him Christmas Eve 3-6pm.

Your ex gets him all night and then until 1:30pm on Christmas Day?


May I ask why the pick up is 6pm on Christmas Eve?


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I think part of the problem, Up, is that I feel like it's two against one. I feel like I need to have a legitimate reason to say I don't want to change it. Just saying "I'm not OK with that" isn't enough.
> He has already started trying to manipulate me emotionally by saying how happy he is that DS lives so close to both of us and that we can work things out so well. After telling me he wants to rearrange everything for no other reason than to accomodate their dinner.
> Since you have kids -- would you be OK with what we'd originally decided?


It is not healthy for your son to allow toothless to manipulate you. I don't think you need to give any reason other than, "this is what we agreed on and this is what we will do". I think in the long run your son will understand who is the real adult. The real adult will get his respect. Please don't give in Angel.


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## angelpixie

Oh, just to clarify, the two-against-one is STBXH and his posOW, not DS. The only thing DS told us was that he wanted separate present opening, which we're OK with.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Oh, just to clarify, the two-against-one is STBXH and his posOW, not DS. *The only thing DS told us was that he wanted separate present opening*, which we're OK with.


I think this decision is fair enough for your son. You know me Angel: Though my parents were never divorced my dad manipulated my mom and let me tell you it played hard on me. I wish she would have been stronger and stood up for me and my siblings. Now I know toothless is not like my dad, but he is playing you and your son, and it is not right. Show your son strength. I get very protective when I think someone is being played.


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## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> If he had him after dinner Christmas Eve til the next day, then, No, I wouldn't get him til the afternoon. If I had him all of Christmas Eve/overnight, then he'd want him back early morning til after dinner, then I'd get him back again. So yeah, a lot of the time I'd have him under the new plan, he'd be asleep. I just realized that.


Well considering after the children open presents on Xmas eve they will be dying to open more Xmas morning. I'd want them Xmas day morning till. At that time they will be enjoying all of their gifts and won't be distracted in anticipation of gifts to come. Just my opinion.


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## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> I think part of the problem, Up, is that I feel like it's two against one. I feel like I need to have a legitimate reason to say I don't want to change it. Just saying "I'm not OK with that" isn't enough.
> *He has already started trying to manipulate me emotionally by saying how happy he is that DS lives so close to both of us and that we can work things out so well. After telling me he wants to rearrange everything for no other reason than to accomodate their dinner.*
> Since you have kids -- would you be OK with what we'd originally decided?


I'm glad you at least see the manipulation. 

That backhanded "nice" compliment was said on purpose to make you feel guilty and to give in to his demands. Don't do it.

Don't feel you need a legitimate reason either. You have plans, they can't be changed. Just like their dinner party can't seem to be changed (even though they scheduled it last minute knowing the plans with DS....)

A firm "We agreed on these plans for DS, so I made plans that can't be changed. I'm not ok with giving up my time with him to accommodate a dinner party that you scheduled after we had an agreement" and just leave it at that. Try to leave as much emotion as you can out of your responses. Cool and firm, cool and firm. 

He doesn't need to know what your plans are or with whom. Just state the facts, ma'am


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## angelpixie

UpnOver said:


> Your original plan is;
> 
> You get him Christmas Eve 3-6pm.
> 
> Your ex gets him all night and then until 1:30pm on Christmas Day?
> 
> 
> May I ask why the pick up is 6pm on Christmas Eve?


Just because we usually see DS for 2-3 hours on the 'off' day. 3-6 falls over dinner time, and lets us do a little Christmas Eve-y type stuff together. That's as opposed to seeing him noon-3, for example.


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## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Just because we usually see DS for 2-3 hours on the 'off' day. 3-6 falls over dinner time, and lets us do a little Christmas Eve-y type stuff together. That's as opposed to seeing him noon-3, for example.


If anything.

You should be requesting a 7 pm switch.

Seeing how get gets until 1:30 on Christmas.

My 2 cents.


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## Ikaika

Angel,

I can understand trying to be accommodating, just afraid a pattern may begin to develop. Even if the new arrangement works, I simply like the idea of putting chinless on notice that he keep to his word.


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## angelpixie

I probably should have asked for that to begin with. I am too concerned with trying to seem 'fair' and not ask for too much.

But right now, my priority is to stick with the original plan. I don't want to set the precedent that we negotiate an agreement as DS' parents, and then he throws that out the window when scheduling with posGF. He needs to learn that our parental schedule with DS comes first, and he can make his social plans within that.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I probably should have asked for that to begin with. I am too concerned with trying to seem 'fair' and not ask for too much.
> 
> But right now, my priority is to stick with the original plan. I don't want to set the precedent that we negotiate an agreement as DS' parents, and then he throws that out the window when scheduling with posGF. He needs to learn that our parental schedule with DS comes first, and he can make his social plans within that.


Amen


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## angelpixie

OK. On my way over now. Wish me luck. :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

I was able to speak to him without having her around, which was what i wanted. I just opened by telling him nicely, but firmly, that I didn't want to change the plan we had already figured out. He was surprised, and just said "So I don't get a dinner?" I reminded him he'd have DS from 6 p.m. Eve to 1:30 p.m. Day, and that was a lot of time. He told me that 'they' want to have posGF's mother, her boyfriend and the boyfriend's son over for dinner on Day (?? He's in full-on 'impress the in-laws' mode. He HATES family get-togethers, his or anyone else's). Also in full-on puppy-dog-eyes mode for me, too.

I suggested brunch. He obviously had never considered it, which shows me that he doesn't think in terms of working within the time confines of a visitation agreement. He thought about it and said they could do that, but thought that 1:30 was too early for DS to leave. I asked how long he'd need, and he said 2:30 or 3. I said I'd agree to that if I got the equivalent extra time on Christmas Eve. He agreed, pending the OK from posGF.  

I just got a call from DS -- Brunch it is! It's not perfect, but I can definitely live with it. We will open most of our presents during our extra time on Christmas Eve. And he'll be back early enough for a movie and maybe something to eat afterward instead. :smthumbup: :smthumbup:


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## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> I was able to speak to him without having her around, which was what i wanted. I just opened by telling him nicely, but firmly, that I didn't want to change the plan we had already figured out. He was surprised, and just said "So I don't get a dinner?" I reminded him he'd have DS from 6 p.m. Eve to 1:30 p.m. Day, and that was a lot of time. He told me that 'they' want to have posGF's mother, her boyfriend and the boyfriend's son over for dinner on Day (?? He's in full-on 'impress the in-laws' mode. He HATES family get-togethers, his or anyone else's). Also in full-on puppy-dog-eyes mode for me, too.
> 
> I suggested brunch. He obviously had never considered it, which shows me that he doesn't think in terms of working within the time confines of a visitation agreement. He thought about it and said they could do that, but thought that 1:30 was too early for DS to leave. I asked how long he'd need, and he said 2:30 or 3. I said I'd agree to that if I got the equivalent extra time on Christmas Eve. *He agreed, pending the OK from posGF.*
> 
> I just got a call from DS -- Brunch it is! It's not perfect, but I can definitely live with it. We will open most of our presents during our extra time on Christmas Eve. And he'll be back early enough for a movie and maybe something to eat afterward instead. :smthumbup: :smthumbup:


:rofl:

I don't know why...but this makes me laugh. It just seems like he is totally controlled by her from some of your recent posts....

Like he has to ask for permission from his mommy... hehe

Glad you got Christmas time with DS. See - things work out.


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## Ikaika

Special for you Angel

http://youtu.be/_DZ3_obMXwU


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## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> :rofl:
> 
> I don't know why...but this makes me laugh. It just seems like he is totally controlled by her from some of your recent posts....
> 
> Like he has to ask for permission from his mommy... hehe
> 
> Glad you got Christmas time with DS. See - things work out.



He was wearing a sportcoat I haven't seen before. Brown polyester (she buys and wears vintage, too -- in fact was a customer of mine), but...it's way too small for him. He kept tugging at the cuffs, and there's no way it would button. I could hardly keep from laughing. Just such a buffoon, yet they both think they're so superior to everyone else. Especially me. I only gave him classy vintage (which I regret now, btw).


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## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> He was wearing a sportcoat I haven't seen before. Brown polyester (she buys and wears vintage, too -- in fact was a customer of mine), but...it's way too small for him. He kept tugging at the cuffs, and there's no way it would button. I could hardly keep from laughing. Just such a buffoon, yet they both think they're so superior to everyone else. Especially me. I only gave him classy vintage (which I regret now, btw).


.....does she dress him too??!!!!???

BAAAHHAHAHA :rofl:

Lays his clothes out on the bed for him in the morning 

Oh man. I'm cracking up over here about this.


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## angelpixie

No STFC for the 2nd of 3 weeks.  So, I'm going to drag myself out in the bitter cold and windchill to go to the club and work out. I hope you all appreciate what I'm going through. 


I will reward myself with more episodes of Arrested Development upon my return.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> No STFC for the 2nd of 3 weeks.  So, I'm going to drag myself out in the bitter cold and windchill to go to the club and work out. I hope you all appreciate what I'm going through.
> 
> 
> I will reward myself with more episodes of Arrested Development upon my return.


Get your sweat on, girl  :smthumbup:


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## 06Daddio08

Well there you go.

It all worked out.

And you got the extra time past 6 pm.


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## angelpixie

Thanks Up, vi, drerio, jpr, dolly, nowhere, matt, unsure & everyone else for your good thought & kind support today. Hopefully, every time I have to do this, it will be that much easier. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> *Hopefully*, every time I have to do this, it will be that much easier.





> Every time I have to do this, it will be that much easier.


Fixed that part for ya.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Thanks Up, vi, drerio, jpr, dolly, nowhere, matt, unsure & everyone else for your good thought & kind support today. Hopefully, every time I have to do this, it will be that much easier.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It will pay large dividends with your son in the long run. I really hope some day you and your son can come out this way to meet my family. I am almost positive you and my wife would hit it off. 

I mean it when I say I have a great deal of respect for you. R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Have fun working out. Hey join us in the work out thread. Give us your goals. We want to cheer you on.


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## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Get your sweat on, girl  :smthumbup:


Got there just at the start of a Zumba class, so I did that, 2 circuits on the weight machines and almost 3 miles on the treadmill. :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

UpnOver said:


> Fixed that part for ya.


You sure did. Thanks!


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## angelpixie

The biggest thing bothering me this Christmas is that I don't feel like 'me.' This is not the way I want Christmas to be. Yesterday, a couple different people stopped by my desk to remind me when the cookie exchange was going to start. As I told each of them I wasn't doing it this year, I saw how truly surprised and disappointed they were. *I* was the one that started the library cookie exchange several years ago. Each of them mentioned a different cookie I'd brought in the past as a personal favorite and was hoping I'd do that one again this year.

_*That's*_ who I am. I loved finding some new recipe every year, even finding ones for friends and family members with special diets so that everyone had something special and homemade. Decorating my desk, decorating the house, Christmas cards, handmade gifts. This year -- none of that. I feel very disappointed in myself, and I feel a sense of loss. Not even really about missing Christmases with the 3 of us as a family. But just knowing that there's still fighting to do to get where I want to be.

Next year has got to be better.


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## Ikaika

BIG <<<HUG>>> you are making me cry.


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## unsure78

Angel, its ok to give yourself a pass this year and time to grieve the loss and changes. If we just rug sweep the feelings away we will never get past them. Its ok and next year will be better.


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## lee101981

angelpixie said:


> The biggest thing bothering me this Christmas is that I don't feel like 'me.' This is not the way I want Christmas to be. Yesterday, a couple different people stopped by my desk to remind me when the cookie exchange was going to start. As I told each of them I wasn't doing it this year, I saw how truly surprised and disappointed they were. *I* was the one that started the library cookie exchange several years ago. Each of them mentioned a different cookie I'd brought in the past as a personal favorite and was hoping I'd do that one again this year.
> 
> _*That's*_ who I am. I loved finding some new recipe every year, even finding ones for friends and family members with special diets so that everyone had something special and homemade. Decorating my desk, decorating the house, Christmas cards, handmade gifts. This year -- none of that. I feel very disappointed in myself, and I feel a sense of loss. Not even really about missing Christmases with the 3 of us as a family. But just knowing that there's still fighting to do to get where I want to be.
> 
> Next year has got to be better.


You need to see this as a stepping stone . You were able to see something's that were missing. Start today and do the things you want to do. Enjoy them!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT

You're growing by leaps and bounds Angel,but you're still shaking off your old life and maybe some of the things associated with it are still a little hard to deal with especially around special occasions.Things will settle down after awhile and you'll be able to get back to doing the things you love.


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## 06Daddio08

Be honest with yourself.

If you feel that you are going to be even more disappointed in not doing it after the fact.

Go do it anyways.


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## Ikaika

Call it survivors guilt... I just feel bad about enjoying Christmas with my family. I just wish I could invite all of you over to my place this Christmas.


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## angelpixie

UpnOver said:


> Be honest with yourself.
> 
> If you feel that you are going to be even more disappointed in not doing it after the fact.
> 
> Go do it anyways.


That's my plan. I've thought of something I can make DS and get it done by the time I see him. And tomorrow we'll make some cookies and treats together. I think I have some cards on hand that I can write up tonight and have him sign tomorrow. I will also make a big space for him to put up my Christmas village when he's with me tomorrow. It won't be all that I would want to do, but you're right, I would feel worse if I did absolutely nothing more than my tree and outdoor lights.


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## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> That's my plan. I've thought of something I can make DS and get it done by the time I see him. And tomorrow we'll make some cookies and treats together. I think I have some cards on hand that I can write up tonight and have him sign tomorrow. I will also make a big space for him to put up my Christmas village when he's with me tomorrow. It won't be all that I would want to do, but you're right, I would feel worse if I did absolutely nothing more than my tree and outdoor lights.


Good.

Happy to hear.

I made cookies for the kids daycare / class last night.

They took them in this morning.


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## jpr

Next year WILL be better, Angel. Last year, I didn't do hardly anything for Christmas. All of the gifts I bought were lame and with little thought involved....I didn't bake any cookies....didn't send out Christmas cards...didn't put up a tree.

This year is better...much better. But, I am still learning to cut out activities that take away from the season. I wanted to decorate Christmas cookies with my son this year...but that just didn't happen. And I am not beating myself up about it. I also chose to skip my work's holiday potluck party because I just didn't feel like making anything to bring to work that day. ...and that is okay.

We can't do it all....and sometimes all of that extra stuff really takes away from the holiday. Give yourself a break this year. 

It sounds like you already have a lot of activities planned for you and your son over the weekend. That is great. 

Things WILL be better next year. ...and each year to come will be better and better


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## angelpixie

Well, another hour, another schedule change - this time requested by DS. I thought STBXH told him what the plan was, since he had DS call me yesterday. But he didn't. And DS doesn't want to be with his dad on Xmas Eve or first thing Xmas morning. He asked if his dad could bring him over to me after Eve dinner, he spends the night with me and opens presents & has breakfast with me, then goes to his dad's for presents & brunch. He also wants my homemade macaroni & cheese and fish tacos for Christmas dinner, lol.

So, when I take him to his dad's, I'll have to go through the whole process all over again. I really don't think Chinless will disagree, as it gives him & posGF lots of time alone. 

I'm trying to analyze why the thought of the two of them being romantic on Christmas still bothers me. Down to the depths of my heart, I don't love him. Logically, I know he's a bad person for me. It shouldn't bother me. It's not something I can't deal with. I think it's just the memories that are stirred up, combined with the wide gap between what I would want my Christmas to be like compared to what it actually is. And the realization that there's really only so much I can do to bring about what I want. I don't want to feel like the Little Match Girl pressing her nose against the window, watching the warmth, and joy, and gathering inside. And btw, that has got to be one of the most depressing children's stories EVER. I mean, WTF? 

But I am very happy that DS wants to spend Christmas Eve and morning with me. I can't tell you how much it means to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> well, another hour, another schedule change - this time requested by ds. I thought stbxh told him what the plan was, since he had ds call me yesterday. But he didn't. And ds doesn't want to be with his dad on xmas eve or first thing xmas morning. He asked if his dad could bring him over to me after eve dinner, he spends the night with me and opens presents & has breakfast with me, then goes to his dad's for presents & brunch. He also wants my homemade macaroni & cheese and fish tacos for christmas dinner, lol.
> 
> So, when i take him to his dad's, i'll have to go through the whole process all over again. I really don't think chinless will disagree, as it gives him & posgf lots of time alone.
> 
> I'm trying to analyze why the thought of the two of them being romantic on christmas still bothers me. Down to the depths of my heart, i don't love him. Logically, i know he's a bad person for me. It shouldn't bother me. It's not something i can't deal with. I think it's just the memories that are stirred up, combined with the wide gap between what i would want my christmas to be like compared to what it actually is. And the realization that there's really only so much i can do to bring about what i want. I don't want to feel like the little match girl pressing her nose against the window, watching the warmth, and joy, and gathering inside. And btw, that has got to be one of the most depressing children's stories ever. I mean, wtf?
> 
> *but i am very happy that ds wants to spend christmas eve and morning with me. I can't tell you how much it means to me.*
> _posted via mobile device_


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## angelpixie

Wow, these next three weeks are going to be a real test for me. I got home from work, expecting to see his car in the driveway, waiting to drop DS off. It wasn't there, surprisingly. I let myself in, and heard that DS was already there. He just let him and left. No follow-up to make sure I was on my way, DS has no phone, though he can email a text to his dad if he had to (once he booted up the PC). I had texted him a scheduling question that hadn't been responded to, and I thought he was just waiting til I got home. Nope. I didn't know when he expected DS back, nothing. I texted that question to him. No response. So after DS and I spent some time talking about his day, etc., I took him to get one last gift for his dad (reeeealy difficult for me to do by this point), and FINALLY got a text that they were stuck at Best Buy. We finally met up, and it was just like before she left. He wouldn't pay me the courtesy of looking me in the face when speaking to me, more often his body was turned to face her, and he kind of looked at me sideways. I asked him to clarify the answer to the scheduling question I sent (which verified that there will be two days that he won't be seeing DS -- probably an overnight for them somewhere). Everybody spoke calmly, frozen smiles all around. Ten minutes after I drove away, I realized I hadn't told him about the change DS wanted. So, I called him and he was pissed. 'You realize this is the _third_ change, don't you?' Well, no it's the 3rd plan, the 2nd change, but I didn't nit-pick. I reminded him that he'd get the dinner he wanted, he still got his brunch and would get DS at the time he was comfortable with before. I told him that I was asking because that's what DS told me he wanted. He said it was OK, but he was going to talk to DS about it. I hope he doesn't get angry with DS. This is hardest on him. I felt bad today when he was crying, trying to figure out how to get to spend as much time as possible with both of us, at the same time, knowing that's impossible. It broke my heart. He doesn't deserve this.

At the same time, the old stressful sh!t picks up right where it ended when she left for France. I immediately noticed that he was more polite and cooperative when she was out of the picture. Now, as soon as she's returned, he's as rude as he used to be.

I want to just kick something and yell the names I'd like to call him. But what's the point? I'd probably break a toe. I got the supplies to make the thing I want to make for DS, so I'd better get started.


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## angelpixie

Why couldn't my wonderful creative idea have hit me like, oh, 2 or 3 weeks ago, lol? :rofl:


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> I'm trying to analyze why the thought of the two of them being romantic on Christmas still bothers me. Down to the depths of my heart, I don't love him. Logically, I know he's a bad person for me. It shouldn't bother me. It's not something I can't deal with. I think it's just the memories that are stirred up, combined with the wide gap between what I would want my Christmas to be like compared to what it actually is. And the realization that there's really only so much I can do to bring about what I want. I don't want to feel like the Little Match Girl pressing her nose against the window, watching the warmth, and joy, and gathering inside. And btw, that has got to be one of the most depressing children's stories EVER. I mean, WTF?
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Angel - I think that's an entirely normal feeling. It goes do to the "What does that person have that I don't?" insecurities that plague most of us. Overcoming these insecurities I think are the key to loving ourselves, not being dependent on others for validation, etc that may have gotten us to the point we are now. I know for me, this is true and I've struggled with this my whole life behind a facade.

BTW - love the Little Match Girl analogy - it made me LOL. And yes it's depressing as s**t. Do they still show it?


----------



## angelpixie

And the test gets harder. Just got back from picking up DS. She answers the door (first time that's happened) "Come in!" like it's her house. Grr. STBXH is friendly, we're getting DS and his stuff together. STBXH asks to speak to me about the Xmas schedule. We walk outside. He reiterates everything we already decided. I think this is kind of weird. Then I get the real reason he wants to talk. She's resigned her position in France and isn't going back. Effective already, she's now living there permanently. He's talked to DS about it, but didn't tell me what DS thinks about it. He made sure to tell me that she will be made to abide by our agreement not to say anything bad about me (looks at me as if to say 'And you won't be saying anything negative about her, either'). And then made sure to add, 'And I think this is GREAT news!' *big smile* I am proud to say I was perfectly expressionless and silent. I knew they'd be living together when she got back, but I didn't expect it to be til May. 

I did tell him that from this time forward, at times like holidays, we will both be expected to work out social schedules within the parameters of the parenting schedule, which comes first. If he thinks there's something they're going to want to do, talk it over with her first before we make a schedule. He acted surprised (of course), as if we didn't just have an issue. 

He acts like he just found out, but then at the end he told me that he's moved all of my remaining few items out of the house and into the storage unit we were sharing. Because he knew *I* would be uncomfortable with her being around my stuff, so he moved it out for *me*. He must really think I'm brain dead. 

He then asked if I'd found a place yet. Again. No, again, I don't have any money yet, and it's the Christmas holidays, so it's not really a great time for making appointments with bankers, realtors, etc. 

I am supposed to be doing holiday stuff with DS today. And he dumps this on me. OK. Doing my best. Jesus, it's only noon, and I need a drink already. No, I really just want a hug. Then again, a drink and a hug would be tops.


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## soca70

Angel - that timing sucks. What a douchecanoe!


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## vi_bride04

Take a deep breath, dear. It will be ok. He is just once again showing you why you are better off without him. 

If you were closer I would definitely come by to have a drink and give you a hug!!


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> And the test gets harder. Just got back from picking up DS. She answers the door (first time that's happened) "Come in!" like it's her house. Grr. STBXH is friendly, we're getting DS and his stuff together. STBXH asks to speak to me about the Xmas schedule. We walk outside. He reiterates everything we already decided. I think this is kind of weird. Then I get the real reason he wants to talk. She's resigned her position in France and isn't going back. Effective already, she's now living there permanently. He's talked to DS about it, but didn't tell me what DS thinks about it. He made sure to tell me that she will be made to abide by our agreement not to say anything bad about me (looks at me as if to say 'And you won't be saying anything negative about her, either'). And then made sure to add, 'And I think this is GREAT news!' *big smile* I am proud to say I was perfectly expressionless and silent. I knew they'd be living together when she got back, but I didn't expect it to be til May.
> 
> I did tell him that from this time forward, at times like holidays, we will both be expected to work out social schedules within the parameters of the parenting schedule, which comes first. If he thinks there's something they're going to want to do, talk it over with her first before we make a schedule. He acted surprised (of course), as if we didn't just have an issue.
> 
> He acts like he just found out, but then at the end he told me that he's moved all of my remaining few items out of the house and into the storage unit we were sharing. Because he knew *I* would be uncomfortable with her being around my stuff, so he moved it out for *me*. He must really think I'm brain dead.
> 
> He then asked if I'd found a place yet. Again. No, again, I don't have any money yet, and it's the Christmas holidays, so it's not really a great time for making appointments with bankers, realtors, etc.
> 
> I am supposed to be doing holiday stuff with DS today. And he dumps this on me. OK. Doing my best. Jesus, it's only noon, and I need a drink already. No, I really just want a hug. Then again, a drink and a hug would be tops.





I don't know what to say Angel. I really don't have the words to express how feel. I do know one thing, I do know you embody and/or will soon embody the expression of *Mālama Pono* 

"Malama pono" is short for "e malama pono," and expresses "take good care," with "of yourself" understood. 

"Malama" (with a kahako over the first a) = vt. care for, tend, protect
"Pono" = vs. completely, properly, carefully

It essentially signifies someone who stands upright in righteousness for themselves, others and the things important. A person who is honorable in the highest sense.


----------



## Stella Moon

he is suck a fking 'pig' it's unreal man... unfriggin' real...there is no end to his pigness...does your brother know they are now shacking up? So she's staying?...wow..


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## angelpixie

No, I haven't told any of my family yet. My brother and dad are hoping to visit from MN in the first part of January. It's the first time anyone from my side of the family has been here since we split (my brother was actually here between the first and second speech, which I didn't tell him about til I was moving out). I really doubt they will want to see him while they're here. I see no reason to have them get together. 

They already think he's a POS. This will obviously not change anything.

Thanks for your good thoughts. Still trying to do holiday things with DS. Just taking a break. I think I deserve a f'ing Academy Award.


----------



## angelpixie

OK -- Xmas triggers. Spontaneous decision to get the hell out of this place and take DS to the kids' science center at the U.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> OK -- Xmas triggers. Spontaneous decision to get the hell out of this place and take DS to the kids' science center at the U.


Do what you need to do.

Don't run from it though.


----------



## HappyKaty

Hugs to you, sweetie.


----------



## angelpixie

Have achieved peppermint cookies, and made chocolate ice cream sandwiches with them. :smthumbup: DS has an adorable chocolate goatee.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Have achieved peppermint cookies, and made chocolate ice cream sandwiches with them. :smthumbup: DS has an adorable chocolate goatee.


Yum.

FedEx?!


----------



## jpr

I hate that Chinless peice of poop. 

I know that todays calendar date has the potential to make you sad...mournful for what was. But, it really helps me to try not to focus on calendar dates and memories of the past that are associated with those dates.

Today is a new day...the potential for happiness today is limitless. Each day is a gift. ...and each day we can try to make new and wonderful memories...the calendar date has no control over that. 

It is just a number.

It sounds like, despite everything, you are persevering...being am amazing mom...being the amazing person that you are. 

Keep on keeping on, Angel. 


....this post probably makes no sense...what I wanted to say is that I love you and am thinking of you. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, sweetie -- love you, too. I hope you're having a wonderful holiday with your family. 

I had a talk with DS this morning about the changes at his dad's house. Some of the things really hurt, but not because he intended them to in any way. But I'm also very proud that DS sounds like he is standing up for himself. It made me sad when he said he wished he was just coming home to his dad, but I think both of us know that this is going forward no matter how we feel about it, and it's up to us to just do the best we can under the circumstances. We'll pull together and we'll be OK.

It's also funny that I was going through some old messages and found one where I vowed that I was not going to break down and make...the very thing I'm scrambling to make right now. I should have just given in at that time. Next time, I'll save my sanity and just do that, lol.


----------



## angelpixie

Gift one is done!


----------



## angelpixie

(It's a Minecraft Creeper pillow)


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Gift one is done!


My youngest would love that gift. Way better than anything I bought. Your son is lucky.


----------



## angelpixie

Heading out to my one and only Holiday party, dressed in festive red flannel. :rofl: Let's see if I have everything:

6 pack of porter
5 dol-lar gift
4 Christmas cards
3 White Elephants
2 dozen cookies
and an aaaaaangelpixie.


----------



## Matt1720

Pics


----------



## angelpixie

LIVE PARTY UPDATE: Losing my tequila cherry tonight. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SpunkySpunky

Straight up tequila tastes and burns like lighter fluid. But it burns so good.


----------



## Stella Moon

yep...pics....


----------



## Hermes

angelpixie said:


> LIVE PARTY UPDATE: Losing my tequila cherry tonight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh boy....


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> LIVE PARTY UPDATE: Losing my tequila cherry tonight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uh oh.

Wonder if you and HK have similar reactions.


----------



## Lifescript

Sounds like you are having fun!


----------



## jpr

Uh oh...

Tequila = the devils serum.
Be careful.


I am a bit drunk myself tonight...but I wanted to stop by and say goodnight and good luck and merry Christmas!!!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

unfortunately angelface I'm too late to give you this advice but I will anyway

drink a couple of shots....WAIT FOR 15 MINS

do not under any circumstances think 'well that had no effect, I'll have a few more'

ahhhhh great days


----------



## angelpixie

Had a really fun night. Felt so good to just laugh and be totally silly. And yes, I got tipsy (1 beer, 1 shot and 2 jargaritas -- no that's not a typo -- margaritas in pint canning jars. Don't ask me why, lol). 

Buuuuut -- now it's after 1 a.m., and I've still got so much to do! Must sleep, though. I'm so glad I took off work today.


----------



## angelpixie

[Imagine suitable holiday music playing in the background]


The holidays should be a time of warmth and laughter, so this year, we are sharing some of that with you, our TAM family. Sit back in your comfiest chair, 
your favorite holiday beverage in hand, and immerse yourself in the dulcet tones of these extravagant, richly-produced morsels of holiday cheer. 
We hope you enjoy them as much as we've enjoyed making them. But please note -- they will only be available for a limited time.


----------



## unsure78

Ah the best of... thanks guys you made my me laugh this morning  my favorite is alwaye when matt starts laughing in the middle
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

I love when Matt laughs in the middle too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

We have to get one from you, too, next time, Unsure. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Orpheus

oh. oh my. oh my god.

nice work kids. Happy Merry.


----------



## Matt1720




----------



## K.C.

Oh man I needed cheering up and that did the trick.


----------



## TBT

Merry Christmas Angel,Dolly,jpr and Matt and thanks all...that was way fun to hear.


----------



## angelpixie

Gift no. 2 done with what I thought was time to spare, until he texted that he wants to bring DS early. 

So, here's the ugly little critter:



















Andddd -- as I'm posting, he just texted that he's not coming early, he's coming 15 LATER than the original time. He made DS dinner, and I thought he told me to. So, I'm having me a steak tonight. :smthumbup:

I am not letting his dipsh!ttedness ruin my night.

P.S. Thank you Instructables!!


----------



## TBT

Geez Angel,you make the best stuff! And what exactly is under that glass...it looks interesting too! At first I thought it was your floor....but then realized it was just my eyesight.


----------



## angelpixie

It's my 'coffee table.' The top is an antique printer's drawer, which I filled with sea shells. There's a piece of plate glass on top.

In the background is an old empty wooden console TV cabinet I got for free on Craigslist. I fitted a bookshelf where the TV used to be.


----------



## unsure78

Merry Christmas to everyone on Angels thread
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TBT

Hope you have a Merry Christmas too,unsure!


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Gift one is done!





angelpixie said:


> (*It's a Minecraft Creeper pillow*)


I knew that! I knew that! **jumping up and down over the fact that I'm not totally clueless** 

I showed this to my grandson - he loved it. 

The recording was great fun. Hope you all have a Very Merry Christmas


----------



## Frostflower

Just stopped by to wish you a Merry Christmas, Angel. This looks like an interesting place! I must visit again!!

Christmas hug.


----------



## Orpheus

Merry Christmas, Pixiepants.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, TBT, Frosty, OG, O, and Unsure! Merry Christmas to everyone out there in TAM-land. 

DS loved his presents -- named his Creeper 'Ssssssid'  Made him egg nog pancakes again, but I have absolutely no appetite. Just went ahead made them all anyway and put the rest in the freezer. Will be good for school mornings.

Since the split, we are continuing to 'train' DS in totally different ways on how to treat the other parent. It started when we were married, but I want it to stop. I'd rather he didn't help DS get me anything than to use it as a passive/aggressive way to look like he's helping DS (and making DS think it, too) while knowing he's giving me a big F-U. Meanwhile, I'm honestly trying to help DS get his dad what he says he wants, taking him to stores, helping him get things online using my credit card, etc. I think I will ask that a.) we set a mutual price limit, and b.) he has posGF help DS get his gifts. I'll figure out something for DS and me. I don't want that to be something that cements them as more of a 'family', but I don't think I have much to say about that at this point. I have been happy to help DS, but STBXH does not treat me with the same respect, so it's one less aggravation I want to have in my life.


----------



## angelpixie

But on a literally brighter note, after weeks and weeks of dreadful cloudiness, it has been sunny every day since the Solstice. I already shoveled my sidewalk, and will now take a frosty little jaunt outside to soak up some low-angle rays.


----------



## our vision shattered

Merry Christmas pixie pants & everybody on her thread


----------



## Eternal Embrace

Merry Christmas, AP!!! Hope you and DS have an awesome time together!!!


----------



## OldGirl

Proud new owner of a Minecraft sword and pickaxe


----------



## angelpixie

Yay, OG!! DS walked by and saw the pic and wanted to know who the lucky kid was who got the sword and pickaxe, lol. Sssssid went with us to the movie. I made him stay in the car so he didn't blow anything up. 

And....I haven't even started drinking yet, but I still fell asleep during Monsters, Inc. in 3D. I am pathetic. :rofl:


----------



## muskrat

merry christmas AP. and to every one else who reads this, merry christmas to you too.


----------



## angelpixie

Hey, MR -- good to see you!! Merry Christmas to you, too!


----------



## jpr

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Merry Christmas, jpr!


----------



## jpr

....it has been very merry....mostly. And for that I am thankful
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

And I raise a glass to all of you -- Merry, merry Christmas!!  :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> And I raise a glass to all of you -- Merry, merry Christmas!!  :smthumbup:


Cheers, "clink"


----------



## Orpheus

eggnog headache... gonna drunk dial one of you... which lucky... ah, dial tone... and the lucky winner is... Matt, why won't you pick up?... leakage?


----------



## angelpixie

Haha. Nasty nasty things, those leakages.

I hear a little extra rum clears those egg nog headaches right up


----------



## angelpixie

Wow! Just remembered -- I'm due to get my share of the refi money tomorrow!! :smthumbup: Come on over, everyone -- drinks are on me!










*Another step towards emancipation!!! *


----------



## Ikaika

I would but I'm likely to be nursing a hangover


----------



## cantmove

Merry Christmas everyone. Sorry it's belated but we had no power for hours last night. A tornado hit here really hard. My house is okay but I have a bunch of friends that weren't as lucky.


----------



## Dollystanford

Merry Xmas Cant - sorry to hear that, what an awful thing to happen to people on Xmas day...

It's all over now - and...breathe... for another year yah?
xx


----------



## Dollystanford

Hey Angel, I got free money - the drinks are on ME
I insist!
If you can get here by tonight I won't have polished off the vodka
rah rah


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, Cant -- how horrible!! I'm so glad you and DS are alright, but what an awful thing to happen to your friends! Sending good thoughts down to the Bay for you all. ((hugs))


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Hey Angel, I got free money - the drinks are on ME
> I insist!
> If you can get here by tonight I won't have polished off the vodka
> rah rah



We'll do a progressive drunk -- we can stop at your place first for appetizer drinks, then go to my place for main course drinks! :absolut::beer::toast:


----------



## Dollystanford

if only that wasn't 3 hours at Heathrow, 12 hour flight away
I may have sobered up by then


----------



## angelpixie

Pish posh! Drink on the plane! :smthumbup:


----------



## Orpheus

cantmove said:


> Merry Christmas everyone. Sorry it's belated but we had no power for hours last night. A tornado hit here really hard. My house is okay but I have a bunch of friends that weren't as lucky.


eek. that's awful. glad to hear that you're ok.


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Pish posh! Drink on the plane! :smthumbup:


they only have cheap wine in cattle class darling and it plays havoc with my skin


----------



## angelpixie

Well, to those of you madly hopping aboard planes, trains and automobiles to get to my house for drinks -- hold on!! 

Money is delayed one more day. Biiiiiiiiiiiig surprise.


----------



## angelpixie

Mwahahahaha. 'S all I'm sayin'


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, I do have the Audacity.


----------



## TBT

hmmm....cryptic.


----------



## SpunkySpunky

Love it.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, STBXH was just here at the lib to have me endorse the check for deposit into my account. It's over $2K less than I thought it would be. The number i had in my head is what he owes me, but he couldn't get it all in the refi due to the lower appraisal value. If I include the $1K he paid me a few weeks ago, I could scrape up a 10% down on the pink house if it turns out I want it. But that's it. Nothing extra to work with for anything more expensive for over a month, til the D is done and the QDRO is processed and he pays me what's left of my retirement after he pays the taxes. And then however long it takes to pay me the other nearly $2K.

I feel like it's such a disappointment. I was all set to start looking, but now I don't know if it's worth it yet. But it's a waste to keep paying this ridiculous rent, OTOH. 

Sigh. Every silver lining seems to have another cloud nested inside, like some demented matryoshka doll.

I should tell him that, since I assume posGF is now helping to pay the mortgage (which is even lower now after the refi), I would expect him to pay me the $2K in just a few months. I'll bet I find out she's not paying him anything to live there.


----------



## cantmove

I'm so sorry Angel. One of these days we're going to get some silver linings. I just hope it's soon. 

Nutless has reneged on some of his offer for settlement because he found out I started seeing someone. Why that matters I don't know. We have lawyers, he still has posow, and we were working on the papers. He told me that I'm no different than him now and he may not forgive me. 
Wtf? Hmm....him-13yr extra marital affair, leaves me twice for her because she's the love of his life and me- spending some time with a nice man after we have filed, have a court date, and are writing up papers? I am just like him!


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, that's crap, CM! I hope your lawyer holds his... well, he can't hold his balls to the wall if he doesn't have any... You know what I mean.

But your silver lining is that you're seeing someone!! :woohoo: That's awesome!! I hope you're having fun with it, and most of all, that he treats you wonderfully. You deserve it after all you've put up with with Nutless and Satan. issed:

Of course, you know he's just using this to justify what he's been doing -- but it's unjustifiable.


----------



## SpunkySpunky

cantmove said:


> I'm so sorry Angel. One of these days we're going to get some silver linings. I just hope it's soon.
> 
> Nutless has reneged on some of his offer for settlement because he found out I started seeing someone. Why that matters I don't know. We have lawyers, he still has posow, and we were working on the papers. He told me that I'm no different than him now and he may not forgive me.
> Wtf? Hmm....him-13yr extra marital affair, leaves me twice for her because she's the love of his life and me- spending some time with a nice man after we have filed, have a court date, and are writing up papers? I am just like him!


wow, you are so not like him, CM!

It's because he doesn't want YOU to move on, he wants you to be his plan b "just in case", you know? Or he'd rather just see you pine for him forever.

Immaturity.


----------



## Dollystanford

Oh man, Nutless is something else isn't he?
Whatever he tells himself to be able to sleep at night right? And did you ask for his 'forgiveness'? Thought not, so he knows he can stick that where the sun doesn't shine

Glad you're getting stuck in to someone new, you deserve it x


----------



## angelpixie

Friend of DS #1 coming over in 20 min., will be here while I work from home & thru dinner.

Friend of DS #2 coming over tomorrow afternoon, will be here while I'm working from home.

Friend of DS #3 is coming over on NYE for a sleepover, after I'm done working from home.

Damn, I'm earning that vacay, aren't I?


----------



## angelpixie

Awwww, Friend of DS #1 was happy to be coming to play with DS over dinner because he loves my cooking.


----------



## angelpixie

Time to make Greek Surprise, hopefully without R2D2 running around underfoot.  No ouzo for mom, though. Gotta drive later.


----------



## Orpheus

Greek Surprise? We might need UpnOver for this next bit.


----------



## angelpixie

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

^^ My all-purpose answer when I don't know what else to say. :rofl:

Greek Surprise: tasty baked pockets of phyllo filled with marinated chicken, artichokes, feta and kalamatas. 

Name courtesy of DS


----------



## Stella Moon

angelpixie said:


> Oh, that's crap, CM! I hope your lawyer holds his... well, he can't hold his balls to the wall if he doesn't have any... You know what I mean.
> 
> But your silver lining is that you're seeing someone!! :woohoo: That's awesome!! I hope you're having fun with it, and most of all, that he treats you wonderfully. You deserve it after all you've put up with with *Nutless and Satan.* issed:
> 
> Of course, you know he's just using this to justify what he's been doing -- but it's unjustifiable.


ROTFLMAO!:rofl:


----------



## HappyKaty

angelpixie said:


> ^^ My all-purpose answer when I don't know what else to say. :rofl:
> 
> Greek Surprise: tasty baked pockets of phyllo filled with marinated chicken, artichokes, feta and kalamatas.
> 
> Name courtesy of DS


Thanks for the recipe, love!

I think it's amazing that your boy eats feta, artichokes and olives.


----------



## angelpixie

Brush the phyllo with olive oil! Use cooked chicken, and after it's all assembled, just put on cookie sheet in the oven at 325 til golden brown. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

I was told from on high that it's still OK to post this, even though Christmas Day has passed.

Historical Re-enactment


----------



## angelpixie

DS Friend #2 is much more physical than friend #1. Chasing around my house with nerf dart guns, wrestling on floor for loose darts for said guns, etc. I tried to institute No Fighting rule, so the very next request from them is "So, can we have a pillow fight?" Um, what's the second word in that phrase you just said? FIGHT! What do you think?!" 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> I was told from on high that it's still OK to post this, even though Christmas Day has passed.
> 
> Historical Re-enactment


You're right Angel!

Christmas has passed!

But this, this is forever!!

(Not safe for work .. AT ALL ... really not safe for TAM maybe?)

Let's see if I get banned for this 

MASTURBATE FOR LIFE with DJ Lubel, Tiffany Dupont and Chris Carmack from MoranisLover


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> DS Friend #2 is much more physical than friend #1. Chasing around my house with nerf dart guns, wrestling on floor for loose darts for said guns, etc. I tried to institute No Fighting rule, so the very next request from them is "So, can we have a pillow fight?" Um, what's the second word in that phrase you just said? FIGHT! What do you think?!"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aw mom, you're no fun


----------



## TBT

Rambunctious boys....completely natural.Could end if one or the other get's a little too carried away.Gotta re-direct the energy.


----------



## Ikaika

TBT said:


> Rambunctious boys....completely natural.Could end if one or the other get's a little too carried away.Gotta re-direct the energy.


Oh yea... Daily activity in our house.


----------



## angelpixie

Up - I saw that link, but I didn't click it because I didn't think I'd want DS & his friend to hear it, lol. Will have to check it out later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

It's not that I'm no fun. It's just that there's not enough wide open space in my house. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> It's not that I'm no fun. It's just that there's not enough wide open space in my house.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm just teasing... Don't worry I empathize and I'm sure my bark is louder than yours


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> It's not that I'm no fun. It's just that there's not enough wide open space in my house.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha.

Don't worry about the 'no fun' thing.

I'm forever on my kids for running around and hitting each other.

Last night I was at a family get together.

Kids running around, I was giving them sh!t for it.

One of my Aunts told me to ease up.

About 25 minutes later my son popped one of his cousins right in her eye.

Looked at my Aunt and told her she could deal with it.


----------



## Orpheus

Another day of tending the herd in Momtana? giddy-up, pixiepants.


----------



## angelpixie

Aha, I see what you did there. Cute, O.


----------



## Frostflower

I'm sorry too, Angel.. If anyone deserves a break, it's you.

Can't Move, I don't know your story, but your STBX sounds like a real winner!


----------



## Ikaika

I don't know how many of you realize that abandonmentissues(AI) has resurfaced under a new username SpunkySpunky and her new journal


----------



## Lon

drerio said:


> I don't know how many of you realize that abandonmentissues(AI) has resurfaced under a new username SpunkySpunky and her new journal


Thats AI?! I'm glad she's on TAM!! Hope you are doing well Spunky!


----------



## Orpheus

I was never sure if it was Abandonment Issues; or Abandon Men Tissues.

"SpunkySpunky" sort of settles that question for me.


----------



## angelpixie

Sort of like how I always thought it was LoveSherman, and it is actually LovesHerMan.


----------



## Matt1720

angelpixie said:


> Sort of like how I always thought it was LoveSherman, and it is actually LovesHerMan.


Omg

Mind....blown

Like 4 real hahahaha


----------



## angelpixie

OK, I'm going home now...oh, wait....


----------



## jpr

Haha...I thought it was love Sherman too. 

Haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Sistah Fist Bump!!


----------



## our vision shattered

hey pixie, stopping by to say hi


----------



## angelpixie

Hey, Andy! I've missed you!! How are you doing?


----------



## angelpixie

First time I've had to myself since Tuesday. I have designated today Spa Pixie Day. I am bypassing the bakery, and instead going for a good workout. Then I'm going to treat myself to some new skin stuff. I have to pick up some new shirts for DS (growth spurt time again!), and I may take a look around for me, too. I've dropped another jeans size -- an event I'm especially proud of during the holidays. :smthumbup:

Still trying to decide what to make for dinner. Haven't had seafood for a while. Good thing to have while DS isn't here (isn't a fan). 

I have holiday emails to answer and thank-you cards to write. I believe I'll do that while watching a movie. Something completely mindless and silly. 

Keeping all this in the front of my mind as I take DS to his dad's house. I'll also be grabbing the last few things he so 'kindly' moved out of the house for me. I do not want him charging me part of the storage unit rent. I suppose I also need to schedule a time to talk to him about a repayment schedule before I see my atty on Wednesday. Not looking forward to that. But Christmas is over, and I'm done giving him gifts, anyway. I don't owe him unlimited time to pay me back, when I'm the one with a life in limbo. Fvck that.


----------



## angelpixie

DS doesn't want to go to his dad's today. He hasn't seen him since Thursday morning, so I thought he'd be excited. They've been going sledding lately, too, and some people here know how much DS loves sledding.  

But, it's because of posGF. Turns out the only time DS gets to see his dad without her is when his dad picks him or drops him off at my place. Otherwise, she's always there. All I could suggest is that he talk to his dad AGAIN without her around, and express himself in a polite and respectful way. 

It makes me angry. He is not interested in what DS wants. He is just so damned selfish, and stuck in his stupid fog. I can't express to DS how I really feel, obviously. And I can't really tell his dad. The last time I tried, I was laughed at as trying to cause trouble. He is in denial that anything DS feels is real. 

It pisses me off. A lot.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> DS doesn't want to go to his dad's today. He hasn't seen him since Thursday morning, so I thought he'd be excited. They've been going sledding lately, too, and some people here know how much DS loves sledding.
> 
> But, it's because of posGF. Turns out the only time DS gets to see his dad without her is when his dad picks him or drops him off at my place. Otherwise, she's always there. All I could suggest is that he talk to his dad AGAIN without her around, and express himself in a polite and respectful way.
> 
> It makes me angry. He is not interested in what DS wants. He is just so damned selfish, and *stuck in his stupid fog*. I can't express to DS how I really feel, obviously. And I can't really tell his dad. The last time I tried, I was laughed at as trying to cause trouble. He is in denial that anything DS feels is real.
> 
> It pisses me off. A lot.


He is who he is.

You know this.

No 'fog' needed.

It's unfortunate for your son.

He will remember these things and will make his own judgements in the future.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Hey, Andy! I've missed you!! *How are you doing?*


Andy hasn't been doing good.

He really needs to talk about it.


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> DS doesn't want to go to his dad's today. He hasn't seen him since Thursday morning, so I thought he'd be excited. They've been going sledding lately, too, and some people here know how much DS loves sledding.
> 
> But, it's because of posGF. Turns out the only time DS gets to see his dad without her is when his dad picks him or drops him off at my place. Otherwise, she's always there. All I could suggest is that he talk to his dad AGAIN without her around, and express himself in a polite and respectful way.
> 
> It makes me angry. He is not interested in what DS wants. He is just so damned selfish, and stuck in his stupid fog. I can't express to DS how I really feel, obviously. And I can't really tell his dad. The last time I tried, I was laughed at as trying to cause trouble. He is in denial that anything DS feels is real.
> 
> It pisses me off. A lot.


I have a similar issue. Tosspot invites D round for dinner when the soulmate is there. D feels uncomfortable. Tosspot doesn't have a clue why she might feel uncomfortable. I can't say anything because it looks like I'm trying to be a pain in the ass. It's not really too much to ask that they spend a little time on their own with them is it. But no, being the f*ckwits they are their whole being is based on who they are with at the time. So they have to be joined at the hip. Or perhaps the new girlfriends don't like any 'alone' time.

Funny, Tosspot once said that he would never go out with anyone who tried to stop him seeing D. Ho ho ho.


----------



## angelpixie

I think that's another thing that makes me angry. I *know* that's exactly the way he is. And I know from experience how he goes from one intense relationship to another. This is most likely not the only time DS will be dealing with his dad doing this, as STBXH is totally addicted to the highs at the beginning of a relationship.

I am already working on this in my IC -- how I can be strong for him, without putting in my personal feelings about his dad. It's going to be difficult, because few things get me as fired up as DS. 

They are such idiots. They think if they do 'fun' things together, there's no reason for DS to have any objections. They just don't want to know what is _best_ for DS in reality. I will be walking a tightrope, especially because STBXH seems to love to bring up the one line in the parenting agreement about not saying anything bad about the other parent. For him, that covers everything, and somehow it covers things I only say to STBXH. 

I'm so tired of his selfish and crazy.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Angel.

That's the thing.

You don't HAVE to say a single 'bad' thing about him.

Your boy will figure that all out on his own.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> DS doesn't want to go to his dad's today. He hasn't seen him since Thursday morning, so I thought he'd be excited. They've been going sledding lately, too, and some people here know how much DS loves sledding.
> 
> But, it's because of posGF. Turns out the only time DS gets to see his dad without her is when his dad picks him or drops him off at my place. Otherwise, she's always there. All I could suggest is that he talk to his dad AGAIN without her around, and express himself in a polite and respectful way.
> 
> It makes me angry. He is not interested in what DS wants. He is just so damned selfish, and stuck in his stupid fog. I can't express to DS how I really feel, obviously. And I can't really tell his dad. The last time I tried, I was laughed at as trying to cause trouble. *He is in denial that anything DS feels is real*.
> 
> It pisses me off. A lot.


What, what, are you kidding me!!!!!!!!!... this makes me so mad    I have steam coming of the top of my head. It is just fortunate for him (your STBXH), that I don't live there. You may not be able to say anything, but I would not be shy to let him know what fvcked logic he has about what any kid feels. Angel you know my story... and let me tell you boys feel and remember.


----------



## that_girl

UpnOver said:


> Angel.
> 
> That's the thing.
> 
> You don't HAVE to say a single 'bad' thing about him.
> 
> Your boy will figure that all out on his own.


This.

My ex is similar. My daughter sees more of it now that she's 13 and getting older.

She told me the other day, "I totally get why you left him. Dang."

Kids aren't stupid.


----------



## cantmove

What sucks about this though, is why should they have to figure it out at all? Why can't these idiots get their heads out of their asses and realize that not everything is about them? 

You guys are right. Our kids will learn as they grow older who their dads really are. It's just freaking sad. I wanted my son to grow up knowing that he has a great dad. It's just not going to be his reality. I am fortunate that nutless doesn't want to introduce son to posow anytime soon. 

I'm sorry Angel!


----------



## that_girl

You're right. But that's not my problem. They are who they are. I can't change my ex. Whatever. I can only control myself and I chose to leave and I choose to show my kids what a real relationship looks like. 

I made a bad choice by even being with him. I was young and stupid. I learned and I can tell my daughter that knowledge.


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh Angel, this just plain sucks.

I will tell you from my experience as the OW/"step-mom" my ex was the same way. I would insist that he spend quality alone time with his kids. That they see me as the reason their daddy left and it is just uncomfortable for them to be around me every time they see their dad. He flat out refused this insisting that I be there every time he spent time with them.

The last year or so of our marriage, I was still pushing him to spend alone time with his kids. I would take shopping trips and schedule things to do on purpose sometimes just to get out of the house so his kids could have quality time with him. And I got such h3ll for it when I got back. I was told that I didn't really love him b/c I wasn't trying to be a part of his kids lives. That I didn't care about them b/c it seemed like I didn't want to be around them. He would totally turn everything around on me not liking his kids vs. him spending some good quality time with him. 

These people are so selfish, they don't care what they do to their kids as long as the appearance of a "family" is there. Probably to help ease their guilt, who the heck knows. 

Hang in their, Angel.


----------



## LoveDr

You should definitely try yoga. I've found that he has helped me of my clients cope with depression, anxiety. If you care about him so much I would advise you both to try it out. Most yoga classes aren't expensive but will help you focus on the bigger picture of life. 

Hope this helps.


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> I don't do yoga, but I do try mindfulness exercises, and they have really helped. It has been a very, very long time since I've even raised my voice at him, no matter how angry I've been.
> *
> I understand how I need to keep myself on an even keel to be the best I can for DS. I just hate seeing him hurt.*


There is only so much you can do Angel.

Overdoing it to try and compensate for what you feel your ex isn't doing will only burn you out.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, Spa Pixie Day is on hold. 

When I dropped DS off, I asked to speak to his dad outside. I told him I wanted a chance to discuss the creation of a payback schedule for the only out-of-pocket money he owes me, before i see my attorney on Wednesday. He brought up how I originally said 2 years was OK. (Geez, I'm such a sap) I told him that that is too long, and I need to make it sooner. He asked not to have a set amount per month, and I told him a final deadline is OK, but I wanted it to be a year. He said he was going to try that anyway, as he's going to be doing more advertising of his business this year and hopes he'll see more bookings. But he said as of today, he has no money at all until his next disability payment comes in. And posGF doesn't have a job, since she quit hers to come home from France. (Let me tell you, it was sooooo hard to keep that tiny violin from jumping out of my pocket while he was talking. But I managed to keep it in there.  ) Without any emotion (I'm getting so _good_ at that :smthumbup, I told him I realized she would be getting a job soon, and that she would then be contributing to their living expenses, thereby freeing money on his end with which he can pay me. He seemed surprised at that, but agreed that it would probably happen soon. At first, he just talking about the requirements of this government plan that has to do with his business, like that was the only thing he had to consider when budgeting money for me. I think it surprised him that I brought up her paying expenses. He forgets who he's dealing with. 

So, in the end, he agreed to the one year deadline, payable sooner than that if able. He promised me $200 next month, in fact.

Then I went to the storage unit out there to get the stuff he so kindly put out there for me. Much more than I thought, partly because he put things out there that a.) he told me he'd store, like the extra boxes of laminate flooring (which were in a closet and not in anyone's way), and b.) things I didn't know I'd be getting, like every holiday decoration we own. Every one. And boxes of photos. Including boxes of his photos. And boxes of baby pics of DS. Fine, if he doesn't want them, I'll take them and go through and keep what I want and toss the rest. 

He also had things I knew were in 'our' bedroom closet that I was looking for, but he told me weren't there, and that I'd already taken them. I cant' tell you how many hours I wasted, looking for things that he had all the time, in exactly the place where I told him they were. Arsehole.

But -- I got an adorable pair of brown shoes I forgot I had.  and the adorable black sweater dress I've been looking for for 2 winters.   

I am now scouring my garage for every little thing of his that I've been keeping for him. And will deposit them into his storage unit. I'm not holding on to his shet any longer, either.

Then.....let Spa Pixie Day begin!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

UpnOver said:


> There is only so much you can do Angel.
> 
> Overdoing it to try and compensate for what you feel your ex isn't doing will only burn you out.


No, I know I can't compensate, but I can't let my negative feelings towards his dad leak out and poison my relationship with DS, either. I need to channel those in a different way, when he's not around.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, after an inordinate delay, I was able to have a relatively nice day to myself. Bought myself a few things I didn't get for Christmas, which I will be enjoying tonight, got my hair cut, worked out, got a few new (to me) clothing items for my trip, and after a healthy dinner, will be rolling my hair up for a perm while I'm watching a mindless and hopefully funny movie. 

Then I will finish the night with a bubble bath, skin pampering, chocolate, bubbly, candles and music. Do I know how to treat myself, or what?


----------



## angelpixie

What?! I'm talking about my hair. My perm was successful.


----------



## angelpixie

I look like a Brillo pad this morning. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I look like a Brillo pad this morning.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ouch... Is this more weather related? I know my wife's hair changes with humidity fluctuations.


----------



## angelpixie

No, lol. It's perm related bed-head. It's been years since I've given myself one, and I forgot about that part of it. Humidity will (hopefully) make it a little more manageable. Hmm, it is snowing right now...maybe I should go stand outside. :rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> No, lol. It's perm related bed-head. It's been years since I've given myself one, and I forgot about that part of it. Humidity will (hopefully) make it a little more manageable. Hmm, it is snowing right now...maybe I should go stand outside. :rofl:


Bring your camera... Island boys like me want see some snow


----------



## Dollystanford

easy remedy for the hair babes

Hair!


----------



## angelpixie

Hahaha. That is the first time I actually laughed at a Friends clip. I don't think my hair will ever be that long again. (It was waist-length at one time!)


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Hahaha. That is the first time I actually laughed at a Friends clip. I don't think my hair will ever be that long again. (It was waist-length at one time!)


Still trying to find a pic of me back in 1978, with my hair down to the middle of my back. Those were the days. I did find one, but will not post it due to incriminating circumstances.


----------



## angelpixie

Never let yourself be photographed in incriminating circumstances! Well, you probably weren't thinking that far ahead at the time.


----------



## angelpixie

Building the Lego Architecture Korean temple with DS. Yikes!

And listening to Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me together. Sampling some of my new mocha coffee. Snow softly falling outside. Lovely Sunday afternoon.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Building the Lego Architecture Korean temple with DS. Yikes!


You definitely need to post a pic of that when you guys are done.


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## Dollystanford

how awesome :smthumbup:


----------



## that_girl

Here, Love:










bwahahahaha


----------



## Ikaika

Angel, I want to chime in as well... that is awesome. You are such a great mom.


----------



## angelpixie

Sorry -- I have been corrected -- it is a Korean city gate, not a temple.  So much for being a great mom.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Sorry -- I have been corrected -- it is a Korean city gate, not a temple.  So much for being a *great mom. *


minor stuff... still get my vote for great mom... and from what I have been reading a mom who will no longer need to wear mom jeans. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Old houses are notoriously easy to break into. Which is helpful when one locks one's keys in the house. And very gratifying when one does not have to call one's STBXH to use his key, even when DS insists you should. Only window that worked was the one right by the Xmas tree. Got DS in the window, not one ornament broken. :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Old houses are notoriously easy to break into. Which is helpful when one locks one's keys in the house. And very gratifying when one does not have to call one's STBXH to use his key, even when DS insists you should. Only window that worked was the one right by the Xmas tree. Got DS in the window, not one ornament broken. :smthumbup:


New career


----------



## HappyKaty

angelpixie said:


> Old houses are notoriously easy to break into. Which is helpful when one locks one's keys in the house. And very gratifying when one does not have to call one's STBXH to use his key, even when DS insists you should. Only window that worked was the one right by the Xmas tree. Got DS in the window, not one ornament broken. :smthumbup:


Home Alone. Christmas Ornaments. Marv.

That is all that went through my head when I read this post.


----------



## angelpixie

Weird experience while I was out. Ran into former-coworker-FB-stalker with his wife and mother/in-law at a store. I wasn't sure it was him at first (he was wearing a cap and has put on a few pounds), but he made sure to catch my eye and say hello. I was in the process of herding DS out of the store, so i just returned the greeting and kept going. No big effort on his part to try to introduce me to his wife. Interesting.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, bummer. I was hoping my dad and brother would be able to come out on the 7th for a week. After my dad's accident, that was doubtful. It is now out, because it's been 3 weeks since the accident, and the guy who hit my dad has not yet responded to anything. So, attorneys are now getting involved.  And my dad is still having enough problems that he definitely can't handle a 27 hour car ride, and flying is pretty expensive. So, they both may come out at Spring Break. I was hoping I'd have their experience when I started looking at houses. My dad has flipped houses in the past, and he and my brother have done a lot of remodeling. Their experience would have been very appreciated in knowing what I'm looking at. Pooh. I hope I don't make a really big mistake. I don't know who else I can ask or trust. I'm totally willing to get a fixer-upper (all I can afford, actually), but I don't want to end up in a money pit.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Tired. Tired. Tired.


----------



## Ikaika

Too bad Angel


----------



## angelpixie

Working in the dark with only the light of the computer screen is making me soooo sleepy. Fighting the urge to take the laptop and crawl back into my blankies.


----------



## angelpixie

Just had the most wonderful sight: A gorgeous buck mule deer was wandering through my front yard. I raced to get my camera (NTS: put memory card back in after downloading pics.  ), but before I could get it ready, the deer crossed the street, where it was subjected to crazy barking from the neighbor's dogs. It ran off down the street and around the corner.  _Really_ crazy to see one this far into town.

Is seeing a deer in your yard on New Year's Eve a sign of good luck in some culture somewhere? I hope so.


----------



## vi_bride04

http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/deer.htm


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, that's so cool, vi! Thank you!!


----------



## Orpheus

for a while now, i've thought you needed a good buck. next time, not in the front yard though... that's so jpr.

happy new year, pixiepants. and to all the solo celebrants.


----------



## angelpixie

From your mouth to...Cupid's, Eros', Aphrodite's, Venus' ear(s)...I don't care, whichever one of them is listening. 

Happy New Year to you, too, O!


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> From your mouth to...Cupid's, Eros', Aphrodite's, Venus' ear(s)...I don't care, whichever one of them is listening.
> 
> Happy New Year to you, too, O!


Here here!!


----------



## Dollystanford

Happy new year b*tches
It's going to be splendid, I can feel it in my bones
I'm hearing a siren call from across the pond

'Come to uuuusssssssssssssssss'


----------



## SpunkySpunky

Dollystanford said:


> Happy new year b*tches
> It's going to be splendid, I can feel it in my bones
> I'm hearing a siren call from across the pond
> 
> 'Come to uuuusssssssssssssssss'


Oh Dolly.

You make life so groovy.


----------



## angelpixie

*Angel sets up tractor beam, aimed at London, fixing on Dolly's location*


----------



## angelpixie

Well, the kiddos are still up, but we made it past midnight. 

Happy New Year! And to those of us in the U.S., Happy Fiscal Cliff!
:smthumbup:

Screw 2012, all hail 2013, ftw!!


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Well, the kiddos are still up, but we made it past midnight.
> 
> Happy New Year! And to those of us in the U.S., Happy Fiscal Cliff!
> :smthumbup:
> 
> Screw 2012, all hail 2013, ftw!!


Happy New Year Angel... The good thing about 2012... Friends I made. I do hope you have a fantastic 2013 . My time is 9:30pm


----------



## angelpixie

Happy New Year, drerio! I'm sure I won't be awake when it finally hits your time zone, lol. :sleeping:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Happy New Year, drerio! I'm sure I won't be awake when it finally hits your time zone, lol. :sleeping:


2013 Angel, NYE next year here with Dolly and your other friends... 

Old friends are Gold new friends are Silver (both are precious).


----------



## jpr

Happy new year, Angel. Its going to be a great one. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

You, too, jpr -- We're starting it off right, aren't we?  dtusf


----------



## angelpixie

Pancakes, sausage, and juice for the boys. Coffee for mom.  

45 more minutes to go.


----------



## Ikaika

Under circumstances it sounds like you had a good celebration with DS and friend. Yes, 10 year old boys fart and only gets worse with each year .


----------



## angelpixie

I'm gonna kill that kid. Just sayin'

In the middle of the morning mayhem, STBXH texted to see if it was OK to 'visit' with DS for the afternoon at 12:15. Excuse me? It's Tuesday, you're not 'visiting,' we're exchanging for the week. And DS got the times all set up with you yesterday. I'm sorry if you can't keep straight when you're supposed to be taking care of your own kid. I texted back that we set up the exchange at 11, and I made plans after that. He said he didn't remember any of that, but he'll come at 11:30. 

And without even knowing all this, DS came over to me and said, again, that he doesn't want to go back to his dad's. He said that last night, too. 

I really despise that man and his utter self-absorption. And it looks like the Brick is going to grow up to be just like him. He needs a severe kick in the ass. I had to get really mad at him a few times this morning because he wouldn't get off the damned computer and eat, or change clothes. I had been feeling bad because DS may have to change schools and not be in the same one with Brick anymore. But after yesterday and today, not so much.


----------



## angelpixie

He's gone!


----------



## angelpixie

OK, maybe that's a _little_ dramatic...


----------



## Matt1720




----------



## angelpixie

LOL, Matt.

And I have my computer back!! No more trying to type on that tiny laptop keyboard with no L key, haha!

I will be back to my higher standard of typing again. :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

Happy New Year Everyone!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TBT

angelpixie said:


> OK, maybe that's a _little_ dramatic...


....and painful!


----------



## angelpixie

TBT said:


> ....and painful!


But then, so has the last 21 hours.


----------



## angelpixie

Happy New Year, Unsure!!


----------



## angelpixie

Financial affidavits finally done!!! Onward to divorce deliciousness!!


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## angelpixie

Dolly -- you were saying....? :scratchhead:


----------



## Dollystanford

all the single ladies
like me
and you
but not Beyonce
....yet


----------



## angelpixie

STBXH has given me his repayment plan for the rest of the money he owes (aside from my retirement money coming back to me). It looks like he's putting in a little extra (decided to reimburse half the money for those extra months of health insurance premiums, maybe?). He plans on being finished by beginning of November at the latest; earlier if he gets enough photo bookings to allow it. So, better than a year. I'll take it. 

Just to get it DONE!!


----------



## angelpixie

angelpixie said:


> Financial affidavits finally done!!! Onward to divorce deliciousness!!


I realized I spelled this wrong. It should read

*divorcée deliciousness 
*


----------



## angelpixie

I see that several of us in the office got the 'Sweater dress with tights and boots' memo for today. I must say, though, I think the women do a better job with it.


----------



## angelpixie

AP.

Back from lawyer.

Flying high.

Ohhh, yeah.

The end is in sight, babies. 

Feeling lucky. 

Maybe I should go to Vegas!


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> AP.
> 
> Back from lawyer.
> 
> Flying high.
> 
> Ohhh, yeah.
> 
> The end is in sight, babies.
> 
> Feeling lucky.
> 
> Maybe I should go to Vegas!


Just remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> Just remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas


I have nephew who lives in Vegas. He is a detective for the LVPD... So I have my eyes on you vi_b04 

On another note he is single, is a homeowner (not renter), good man and good looking (nice mix of Hawaiian, Japanese, Mexican, and several different European ancestries).


----------



## vi_bride04

drerio said:


> I have nephew who lives in Vegas. He is a detective for the LVPD... So I have my eyes on you vi_b04
> 
> On another note he is single, is a homeowner (not renter), good man and good looking (nice mix of Hawaiian, Japanese, Mexican, and several different European ancestries).


Why didn't you trek me this before i went to Vegas in Nov???


----------



## Ikaika

vi_bride04 said:


> Why didn't you trek me this before i went to Vegas in Nov???


Slipped my mind, honestly. 

Angel, I do hope the payoff schedule stays on schedule and nutless doesn't try to manipulate this mid-stream. Best to you.


----------



## angelpixie

I really can't figure out why I feel such a sea change in my outlook on things. I kind of feel like I shouldn't question it too much, and just go with it. I've been wanting to feel this way for so long. That absence of the pain of loss. It's not totally gone, but it's exponentially better.

This afternoon, I did get a chance to see DS, when I thought I wasn't going to be able to. posGF was supposed to have picked him up at his bus stop by my house. But as it turned out, my appointment only went an hour and a half (I think I'll get some of my retainer back!! :woohoo: ), so I was able to meet him myself. She was driving around the other car (she's really moved herself in, the smart cookie), and since STBXH was at a doctor's appointment, I had to rendezvous with her to drop off DS. He didn't want to go, even though his dad promised to take him to the arcade by his house. But I dropped him off, felt absolutely no anger or tension when I saw her (but I did notice that she had STBXH's phone, and was snooping around on it when we walked up to the car. Haha on him). 

I feel like I don't care where this goes between them. I care about how it affects DS, and I will do my best for him, to be the person he knows is the stable one in his life. Who doesn't have to chase relationship after relationship to feel 'happy'. 

After that, I ran a couple of errands, and treated myself to a visit to a couple of fragrance counters at the mall. I want to get myself something new. I tried a couple that I kind of liked (an Armani, another Givenchy, and another Dior), and I will go back and try each of them on me, since that is a world of difference from trying them on a piece of paper. (why don't they give samples anymore?) That was fun. Absolutely irresponsible. 

The lawyer again congratulated us on how well we got our paperwork and business together. Except that STBXH forgot to sign and get one of his affidavits notarized. So I had to give that to posGF to give to him. I emailed him the final agreements for his approval. If he's OK with them, my attorney will print them out on official court docs, file, and then I can give them to him, he brings in the receipt of service doc, signs the no contest waiver, and we wait for our court date. The day of the hearing is the day we're done. Could be by the end of the month, if we're lucky. 

At this point, I'm interested to see if I'll be sad on the day of the judgement. At this moment, I'm not. Seeing it all finalized may be a different story. But I know that any sadness I feel will not last.


----------



## Lifescript

I congratulate you on the way you have handled this. Not all exes handle a situation like this like you have. You put your feelings aside for your son and are doing what's best for him. And it makes you look great (confidence-wise). You look like the bigger person.


----------



## Dollystanford

The sea change is because you're out of limbo and the end is in sight. And you know that you can truly move on

And Trampire is already checking up on him LOL


----------



## vi_bride04

Dollystanford said:


> The sea change is because you're out of limbo and the end is in sight. And you know that you can truly move on
> 
> *And Trampire is already checking up on him LOL*


:rofl:

That is the funniest part of it all. Looks like their relationship is full of trust!


----------



## Ikaika

Even under even the vile circumstances that nutless has put you through does not change the psychological effects of suddenly having to face the finality of marriage. Sure, he ended it a long timer ago, but it is the moment legal precedence that will likely have some level of impact. I am amazed at how well you are dealing with it even now. I don't think I would be as we'll adjusted under same circumstances. 

Angel I believe you have a lot to offer. And, I know you want always do right for your son (he is a fortunate young man), but I think someday you will find love and companionship. It may not be something you are thinking about right now, but I hope someday you will find that someone. We men are not all like chinless, some of us are willing to fight through adversity and our own demons to care for what is important. Real men don't look inward, real men sacrifice for those that they love at the very cost of their selfish comforts. Real men are not perfect, but are willing to accept our shortcomings and work on them for those we love. Ultimately, I too have learned true love is a verb and noun.


----------



## angelpixie

Staying extra late at the lib today. Major monthly file load I'm in charge of was not ready for me yesterday morning (thanks to my supe), so we're all still working on it instead of prepping for our really difficult training tomorrow a.m.

Excellent session at group today, too. Even the members still dealing with tough stuff can see a lot of improvement over a year ago, so everyone was feeling hopeful for the new year. 

But now I get to head home to change and grab a bite. STFC tonight for the first time in a month. :smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

Shake it girl!


----------



## angelpixie

Well, doing so puts my reputation on the line, but you know, fvck it.


----------



## vi_bride04

Let that freak out....you aren't fooling me, angel my dear


----------



## angelpixie

DS had a late dinner with me tonight, which was wonderful, since I didn't get to see him at all yesterday, and didn't get to talk to him last night.

He said he really missed seeing me AND hearing my voice. And the whole time he was here, kept saying he wanted to stay with me, and didn't want to go back to his dad's. It was a late dinner, and I had to run out to return a couple movies, so there wouldn't even have been time for us to do anything. He said he didn't care. I asked if things were OK between him and his dad, and if that was why he wanted to stay. He did say they never do anything special, except go out to eat (money troubles, eh?), and not really an activity that they do together. He misses his dad, of course. I feel terrible, but I know there's not much I can do about it at this point, except to remind him that times like yesterday are the rare exception, and that he'd be with me tomorrow and some extra hours on Sunday. It didn't help. I felt terrible, like he thought I was rejecting him, but I know it's a bad pattern to set for me to just change the schedule on a whim. 

He also mentioned that his dad is getting a cat. I asked him if his dad forgot he's allergic to cats. He said that his dad remembered, and said he's more allergic to dogs, so he'd be fine. And then he said "The biggest thing that decided it: [posGF] said: 'I want a baby kitty to hold!'"

So she's snooping on his phone, and making him get an animal he's allergic to, and she's only been there not even 2 weeks. I wonder how that kitty will like all his tanks of fish when it grows up. Dumbass. Dumbass that is not my problem.

Except for when it comes to DS. Sigh.


----------



## our vision shattered

smile angelpixie,,,,,, your such a strong woman, don't let his bs get you down, send a box of tissues next time you see him, hope the suby is good, missed you friend


----------



## angelpixie

Missed you, too, Andy -- was worried about you, sweetie!! The car is great, except I'm thinking I've got to break down and replace the windshield. Was 8 degrees yesterday morning, and I had frost on the inside and outside of the window.  I just hate to do it now with so much winter left. I know it will be full of chips (at least) by the time winter is over.

And for STBXH and his allergies. Yeah. He was the one who decided against allergy shots. I didn't, and expect no problems if we get a dog (which DS wants verrrrrry badly), lol.


----------



## TBT

Angel,you're a good mom for sure.Imo,there's going to come a time when your son is going to want more input into where he spends the majority of his time,whether or not you and stbx have an agreement in place.Since stbx isn't stepping up in your son's eyes,he may be in for a rude awakening.I sure wish life was a lot easier for you and other good people in this world,but you're doing a great job of pulling it together and setting a fine example for your son.


----------



## Dollystanford

oh man, watching Chinless's new life play out is like car crash TV
I feel like I need some popcorn


----------



## angelpixie

It is 12 flipping degrees outside, and yet I'm dragging myself to the club to work out. I hope my body appreciates how much work my mind had to do to accomplish this.


----------



## SpunkySpunky

Lol I was thinking almost the same thing this morning


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> It is 12 flipping degrees outside, and yet I'm dragging myself to the club to work out. I hope my body appreciates how much work my mind had to do to accomplish this.


Great job Angel, your body will appreciate it.


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> It is 12 flipping degrees outside, and yet I'm dragging myself to the club to work out.





SpunkySpunky said:


> Lol I was thinking almost the same thing this morning


OMG! I was totes thinking about both of you working out this morning.

and then i rolled around in my satin sheets and ate a bon bon.


----------



## angelpixie

and in the end, i'll be toned and hot, you'll be a bon bon. 

sent from the treadmill, incline 4, speed 4.5 mph
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> and in the end, i'll toned and hot, you'll be a bon bon.
> 
> sent from the treaadmill, incline 4, speed 4.5 mph
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are doing the right thing. Cheer cheer cheer... 

I wish I could workout... Soon someone will have to talk me off that ledge


----------



## angelpixie

I forgot til a couple of hours ago that it's contra night tonight. I'm not used to having it when DS is with me, but that's how the weekend schedule is until April. He's not thrilled about coming with me, but a friend of mine has a son in DS' class, and they're friends. Her schedule also changed, so we're hoping the boys will be ok watching a film or playing minecraft on the lappy while we dance. 

I volunteer to do tickets when I can, which means I dance less, but get in free. Found out the other ticket seller tonight is Mr. GrabbyHands, so yay! I won't be fending him off tonight.  There is no room in contra for that kind of misbehavior. :nono:


So, in effect, I'll have a 2nd workout today, lol. :smthumbup: Off to find something twirly to wear.


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> Off to find something twirly to wear.


i think they call that easy-access don't they?


----------



## angelpixie

I guess it depends on what's underneath.


----------



## angelpixie

My little boy is growing up!!  What started out as 'Aw, Mom, do I have to go with you to contra?' turned into 'Gee, I hope I can go with you again next time.' What made the difference? A little girl named Izzy. Awww. Totally adorable. He asked her to dance with him; the two of them and another friend of his from school (who is a friend of Izzy's as well), all ran around the old building we were dancing in playing hide and seek, and found an old theatre, where DS entertained her with stand up comedy while the other boy played his Nintendo. I got a few pics on my phone of them dancing, but I didn't hear about the other stuff til later. Everyone kept telling him what a great dancer he is, and we got to waltz together again. I don't even know how to put my feelings about him into words. He's a normal kid who does stupid things like every other kid, but there are parts of his personality that are just so special. How many other 10 year olds pull up a stool in front of a little girl he's trying to impress, and start telling really bad old stand-up jokes to try to make her laugh? "Just like the Rat Pack, Mom!" (Apparently it worked.  )I wish I could have been a fly on the wall. 

The band tonight was amazing, and we danced some pretty complicated combinations. We did something different with ticket taking tonight, alternating every other dance, rather than doing 1+ hour chunks of time. That was perfect, because we could rest up between dances (each dance is about 15 minutes long). During the last part, we were all on the floor, so I did have to deal with Mr. GrabbyHands a few times. Blech. But aside from that it was a blast. 

NTS: go back to wearing flats. I tried wearing my Dansko ankle strap shoes, and the heels were too high. So I had to take them off and dance in my stockinged feet. Feels like I have some nasty blisters, but I haven't gotten the nerve to look yet.


----------



## our vision shattered

i love it, thanks for sharing that angel, caused a huge smile, out of 2 failed marriages i have 5 of the greatest kids on earth, my daughters check on me daily, have my boys fri-mon, found a nice place to rent, hoping it all works out. just a 2 bedroom but has a nice frt & back yards that are fenced, hot tub, built in bar. thanks again angel, i love the sweet innocense of kids


----------



## jpr

Old school stand up comedy??? Really??? !!!!

Your son is awesome and that has everything to do with you.


So happy for your great night!


----------



## angelpixie

To.Tal. Slug. this morning. I wish ds could make me coffee & pancakes for the 2 of us. 

OK, OK- he's pulling out the big guns - those blasted Game Chap & Bertie vids. Must escape...

Oh I say, chaps and chapettes -- I wonder if I can sneak in a rare a.m. bubble bath. We'll have brunch instead of breakfast.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Andy - SO happy to hear you found a place & can finally get some space. I bet your pup & the kids will love it! When do you get to move in? (sounds like it has some nice amenities for the Big Kid, too  )

You sound better, Andy -- I hope it's all smooth sailing for you from here on out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Hi jpr - thanks, sweetie. His dad wasn't always the selfish poophead he's turned into; he deserves some credit.

But yes, DS is super special to me. I'm a very lucky lady. 

I hope your DS is feeling better, poor little thing! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Angel, there is a reason your son conducted himself in a more mature manner at the contra dance. And, I think you should take a great deal of credit for it. I applaud you for doing a great job. Take a bow or curtsy.


----------



## angelpixie

Chuckling at the irony of two cheaters advertising their services as wedding photographers at today's wedding fair. 

Since their success at getting bookings sends money my way faster, more power to them. 

I'll write my expose when they're finished paying me off. 

No, Up, I won't really.


----------



## angelpixie

Lovely spa morning at Enchanted Pixie Cottage. Totally pampered and pink, down to my toenails. Mood is very good, in spite of the grey skies --- AGAIN!! This has to be the dreariest winter since the one when I was pregnant. That was worse because it rained all the time instead of snowing. 

Trying to feel guilty for not being productive today, but I just can't. I have just the hint of a sore throat and I refuse to get sick. It's not going to happen. I won't allow it.

Unfortunately, my feet did take a bit of a beating last night, and though they've been pampered and pedi'd, they are in no condition to be hiking up and down hills. Glad I didn't tell DS I'd been planning on taking him sledding today. And a good thing I got my treadmilling in yesterday, too, lol.

Angel's Beauty Tip: Sweet Almond massage oil -- I get mine at our local Whole Foods type store. Perfect for really dry winter skin, it's just almond oil, nothing else. Perfect for a moisturizer, doesn't irritate your skin, is very lightweight, and when it warms up to body temperature, you'll smell like a Christmas cookie. A win all around! :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Lovely spa morning at Enchanted Pixie Cottage. Totally pampered and pink, down to my toenails. Mood is very good, in spite of the grey skies --- AGAIN!! This has to be the dreariest winter since the one when I was pregnant. That was worse because it rained all the time instead of snowing.
> 
> Trying to feel guilty for not being productive today, but I just can't. I have just the hint of a sore throat and I refuse to get sick. It's not going to happen. I won't allow it.
> 
> Unfortunately, my feet did take a bit of a beating last night, and though they've been pampered and pedi'd, they are in no condition to be hiking up and down hills. Glad I didn't tell DS I'd been planning on taking him sledding today. And a good thing I got my treadmilling in yesterday, too, lol.
> 
> Angel's Beauty Tip: *Sweet Almond massage oil* -- I get mine at our local Whole Foods type store. Perfect for really dry winter skin, it's just almond oil, nothing else. Perfect for a moisturizer, doesn't irritate your skin, is very lightweight, and when it warms up to body temperature, you'll smell like a Christmas cookie. A win all around! :smthumbup:


I used this with my wife... although, you should also try pure coconut oil... a bit pricey, but really is nice (albeit you will smell like a coconut, if you don't mind that aroma )

I hope you don't get sick, please care for yourself today. Don't push yourself. Take Care, Malama pono


----------



## Dollystanford

well now Pixielix, who are you going to try your lush smelling, baby-soft self on hmmmmm? Some man out there must be deserving of the magnificent norks drenched in almond oil, no?


----------



## 06Daddio08

Dollystanford said:


> well now Pixielix, who are you going to try your lush smelling, baby-soft self on hmmmmm? Some man out there must be deserving of the magnificent norks drenched in almond oil, no?


My older, equally as well adjusted brother.

Of course.


----------



## 06Daddio08

P.S.

I love your continuously changing signatures.


----------



## Dollystanford

so Up who's your bro?
Down and under?


----------



## Orpheus

Apropos, Dolly's pick-up-line... a friend's English teacher described a preposition as "any place a squirrel can go".

so. there's that.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Dollystanford said:


> so Up who's your bro?
> Down and under?


Bahaha.

No.

I have no older brother.

Just a younger one.

Although I don't think that's the age direction Angel was looking for.


----------



## Dollystanford

no? well some of us don't mind either way


----------



## angelpixie

UpnOver said:


> Bahaha.
> 
> No.
> 
> I have no older brother.
> 
> Just a younger one.
> 
> Although I don't think that's the age direction Angel was looking for.



So, you've been leading me on all this time, Up?

Alas, my heart is broken, but it will go on, beating within my chest, with its luxuriously moisturized skin. 

His imaginary loss.


----------



## angelpixie

Bailey's + empty stomache = Prolly not a good idea. Just sayin


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> *So, you've been leading me on all this time, Up?
> *
> Alas, my heart is broken, but it will go on, beating within my chest, with its luxuriously moisturized skin.
> 
> His imaginary loss.


Twasn't me who created this figment.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Dollystanford said:


> no? well some of us don't mind either way


Lol.

Dolly.

As much as I love my brother.

You'd chew him up and spit him out rather quickly.

:rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

Hey some guys like that!


----------



## muskrat

Dollystanford said:


> Hey some guys like that!


I always pictured you as a dominatrix, a submissive guy might be perfect for you.


----------



## angelpixie

I don't think Dolly wants one who goes down toooo easily. Fnar fnar.


----------



## Dollystanford

they need to put up a bit of a fight or it's no sport at all


----------



## Lon

Remember, the backhand is abuse, palm is for control.


----------



## Orpheus

"To Serve Man"...


----------



## angelpixie

Lon said:


> Remember, the backhand is abuse, palm is for control.


*Takes notes*


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> "To Serve Man"...


There, fixed it. 

ETA: Consider it unfixed.


----------



## Orpheus

To Serve Man (The Twilight Zone) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)


----------



## angelpixie

Well, enough fun, kids, back to the crapola; the real reason this thread exists.

STBXH didn't like the lack of exquisite detail in one phrase of the proposed child support language, because he apparently believes that I'm all too ready to screw him over. We (my atty and I) didn't have this specific language because we thought it was kind of 'duh' and overkill. Whatever. I changed it for him. 

Then I noticed his suggested wording DID remove a very specific portion of how the money is to be distributed. For the last few months, DS' benefit has been electronically deposited into our old joint checking account, which we kept for just this purpose. We each take out 1/2 when it arrives. Works very seamlessly. He 'removed the joint account part because it gives us latitude to arrange other ways of transferring the money owed.' Um, why? So that he can get it deposited into his own account, and then I can ask him for it? No, thank you. This works; no need to change it.

GF influencing this? I wonder. I'm frankly VERY surprised he hasn't jumped on getting his papers notarized, the language ironed out immediately, etc. By the time I get back to my atty, a week will have transpired. 

C'mon already, Chinless!! I want to be a happy divorcee!! Stop standing in my way!!


----------



## Dollystanford

too busy doing pistol fingers at himself in the mirror and 'hoping' to get work I'll be bound


----------



## angelpixie

*Divorce Held Hostage, Day 98*

Gave STBXH his unsigned, unnotarized affidavits last Wednesday; emailed our proposed final settlements to him that afternoon. Told him on the phone, and in that email, that my lawyer has a notary on staff, so he could just go to her office, sign them, and leave them there.

As of this morning, I was still waiting to hear whether he was satisfied with the changes he asked for. As of last this afternoon, the affidavit is still in his hand. Why? Because one bank he goes to was already closed, and the other bank charged for their notary. I reminded him, again, about my lawyer's office. He forgot. Again. Will try again. Tomorrow. 

Maybe he really doesn't want to divorce me? Maybe he's having second thoughts? Why else would he be dragging this out? :scratchhead: 

Because he's a selfish, self-absorbed dumbass who doesn't care that his actions are f'ing things up. Again and continually.  

Grrrrr. If it was possible for me to do this for him, I'd probably be taking care of this, too. Just to move it along.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> *Divorce Held Hostage, Day 98*
> 
> Gave STBXH his unsigned, unnotarized affidavits last Wednesday; emailed our proposed final settlements to him that afternoon. Told him on the phone, and in that email, that my lawyer has a notary on staff, so he could just go to her office, sign them, and leave them there.
> 
> As of this morning, I was still waiting to hear whether he was satisfied with the changes he asked for. As of last this afternoon, the affidavit is still in his hand. Why? Because one bank he goes to was already closed, and the other bank charged for their notary. I reminded him, again, about my lawyer's office. He forgot. Again. Will try again. Tomorrow.
> 
> *Maybe he really doesn't want to divorce me? Maybe he's having second thoughts? Why else would he be dragging this out?* :scratchhead:
> 
> Because he's a selfish, self-absorbed dumbass who doesn't care that his actions are f'ing things up. Again and continually.
> 
> Grrrrr. If it was possible for me to do this for him, I'd probably be taking care of this, too. Just to move it along.


And, obviously it is too late... 

Oh boy I am so sorry you have to deal with this crap. It makes what I have to go through look like a paper cut. It stings but does not take that long and the wound is not so deep. 

If I lived there, I would have driven to his house picked him up, carried him to the car and brought him to your Lawyer's office.


----------



## angelpixie

No, no, no -- quite the opposite, drerio. This is a minor annoyance. Just venting. 

And no way do I believe that he's having second thoughts. He's having the time of his life playing house with his GF. I just wish he'd take a little time out from his playing to finish up the last relationship he was in. 

Thank you for your concern, sweetie, but please take care of yourself. Your wife and boys adore you. And we're awfully fond of you here on TAM, too.


----------



## vi_bride04

Next time he drags his feet, just flat out tell him "Can you please stop delaying with the paper work!? I really want this divorce finalized and to be done with this marriage once and for all."

Or would that cause unneeded drama? I mean i think he is delaying just b/c he doesn't see the point in hurrying. Like you say he is too self absorbed and playing house. But maybe reminding him you want this done in a firm way will keep him on track. I really think he feels he can just do whatever and you will accept it, just cuz you are so nice, Angel. And he knows you don't want any conflict due to DS.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yes I agree, in fact what would be even better is if you said to the Tramp 'could you ask that Chinless asshat to stop delaying the divorce please, I would have thought that you both wanted it to be as quick as possible so I don't understand why he's stalling'

wind her up and watch her goooooo!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Dollystanford said:


> Yes I agree, in fact what would be even better is if you said to the Tramp 'could you ask that Chinless asshat to stop delaying the divorce please, I would have thought that you both wanted it to be as quick as possible so I don't understand why he's stalling'
> 
> wind her up and watch her goooooo!!!


This!!!!!!!!!! Such an even better idea, Dolly  if Trampire doesn't start a fire under his @ss as big as when lake Erie caught on fire id be surprised, lol


----------



## jpr

Dollystanford said:


> Yes I agree, in fact what would be even better is if you said to the Tramp 'could you ask that Chinless asshat to stop delaying the divorce please, I would have thought that you both wanted it to be as quick as possible so I don't understand why he's stalling'
> 
> wind her up and watch her goooooo!!!


I agree....but, I would reword the request.

"Trampire, could you please drive my husband, with whom you have recently taken up residence in my martial home, to my lawyer's office using my car that my husband and I bought together so that we can dissolve our marriage and you can work to legitimize your 'relationship'?"



Dude. 

They should be ashamed of themselves.  He is _still_ legally married, and she has moved in and has taken over. The scruples of these two! You would think they would want to do everything possible to try to legitimize their illegitimate relationship. ...and her parents! For shame! Celebrating Christmas in the martial home of their daughter's married lover???  Incredible. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I guess.....

They are such phonies! Phoney-Bolognas! :liar:


----------



## jpr

I just want to tell them how absurd they are. ...how phoney and "put on" they are.

...and I want to punch Chinless.


----------



## Dollystanford

where will you punch him, he has no chin!

perhaps in the gonads


----------



## jpr

Dollystanford said:


> where will you punch him, he has no chin!
> 
> perhaps in the gonads


I doubt he has any of those either. 

a$$hat.


----------



## Eternal Embrace

I feel for ya, darlin' - it seems my STBXH and Chinless may have even been separated at birth...

Mine, too, drags his feet and doesn't hold up his end of this process (which I guess shouldn't be suprising seeing as how he couldn't hold much of anything up in our marriage) - all the while playing house with posOG.

I've just come to the conclusion that my STBXH is just a giant lying POS who's new specialty is blowing smoke up my a$$


----------



## unsure78

Last edited by jpr; Today at 07:28 AM. Reason: ...Trampire probably keeps his gonads in a little jar. 

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA awesome edit jpr


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks vi, Dolly, jpr, EE and Unsure -- I'm so glad you're on _my_ side -- I'd hate to get you all mad at me, lol. And you've given me a good laugh first thing in the morning.


Update: When he picked up DS, I specifically asked him to reply to the email I sent yesterday responding to his change request. So far, he hasn't. I will be emailing him again, and will have to get a little firmer in my language. Sigh.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Thanks vi, Dolly, jpr, EE and Unsure -- I'm so glad you're on _my_ side -- I'd hate to get you all mad at me, lol. And you've given me a good laugh first thing in the morning.
> 
> 
> Update: When he picked up DS, I specifically asked him to reply to the email I sent yesterday responding to his change request. So far, he hasn't. I will be emailing him again, and will have to get a little firmer in my language. Sigh.


If he doesn't start replying to you, I really think you should go to his "mom" to light the fire under his @ss like Dolly suggested. 

Isn't that what a mom does? Monitor cell phone usage and pick out clothes for their kids to wear???


----------



## Orpheus

also, from your descriptions it's not clear why you try to reason with him. he seems to respond to being controlled and manipulated. maybe if you showed him how it's in his and trampire's best interest for him to wrap this up quickly... ?


----------



## angelpixie

Well, unfortunately, it doesn't actually make any difference at all to him. He's got the house, he's got the car, he's got the girl, he's got the government teat to take care of him. Obviously, moving in with someone while he's married has never mattered a fig to him. Sigh.

At this point, the divorce really only makes a difference in my life. Then I can take him off my insurance at work (instant $200/mo raise), will be single and can buy my own home, etc. 

I've sent a strongly worded email to him just now, which will be sure to elicit some kind of wounded response about how I just tend to view him negatively, don't understand how much he has going on in his life, etc., etc., etc. Will be keeping the tiny violin (any my pointy-toed boots) at hand.


----------



## vi_bride04

Don't forget some fine cheese to go with his whine....

mmmm wine and cheese and fine violin music - sounds like a nice lunch, Angel


----------



## Ikaika

I will rosin up my bow and accompany your violin with some low sad tune on my double bass


----------



## angelpixie

How are you doing today, D?


----------



## Orpheus

not necessarily so AP. he wants to please his new beau. if you start crafting your argument about what's best for him/her, him+her then you give him something to move towards rather than framing the discussion over and over again about what it does for you.


----------



## vi_bride04

Orpheus said:


> not necessarily so AP. he wants to please his new beau. if you start crafting your argument about what's best for him/her, him+her then you give him something to move towards rather than framing the discussion over and over again about what it does for you.


This is a great line of thinking. If you can spin it to where it benefits "them" he might care more. 

He's too self absorbed to care what impact the D has on you, positive or negative. So make it about him. He will probably end up moving faster than what trampire does when he calls from the bathroom to wipe his bum!


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> This is a great line of thinking. If you can spin it to where it benefits "them" he might care more.
> 
> He's too self absorbed to care what impact the D has on you, positive or negative. So make it about him. *He will probably end up moving faster than what trampire does when he calls from the bathroom to wipe his bum!*


:rofl:

I will think about that. Thank you. Not sure what I can come up with, but since nothing else has worked I will give it a shot.


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmm. Formulating. I can't make it sound threatening, because in our case this _could_ backfire on me as well, but...in our state, even though his business is a Sole Proprietorship, I as his wife still have a right to his assets, and can stop him from giving someone else (like his girlfriend) an interest in the business. If he wants to make her a partner (and she's already working for him), I can effectively veto that as long as we're legally married. 

Of course, since I have my own business as well, he can still lay claim to mine while we're still married. It depends on how much he wants _her_ involved vs. how much he wants _my_ inventory, lol.

Also, I'd be surprised if the gov't program that he's doing his business under wasn't set up with the idea that he's in the process of a divorce. If he's still married, they would consider my income applicable to him, and he'd probably no longer qualify. There must be an implied deadline for the divorce somewhere in there.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> How are you doing today, D?


Home, mostly resting. I have to make two corrections to a grant that I submitted back in September. Hoping to get a score in the 15% range to funded. I may record some music as well. Thank you for asking.

I'm feeling better


----------



## Dollystanford

Regardless, he wants to be with her playing dollies or :wtf: and it's surely easier for him to be 'free' to make whatever plans he wishes in the future

It doesn't have to be threatening or about assets - it's fundamental. He made the choice now he has to own it! Piss or get off the pot man!


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> I as his wife still have a right to his assets, and can stop him from giving someone else (like his girlfriend) an interest in the business. If he wants to make her a partner (and she's already working for him), I can effectively veto that as long as we're legally married.


he's not going to be concerned about your business. he's going to want to protect girlfriend from you. so if you find a way of framing some sort of hint or conversation drop that you thought he'd want to have you off his business records for Q1 2013 that might things more smooth between he and trampire, etc. or something to that effect. Or talk about your liabilities and whether or not trampire is ok having the that hang over her head...

not threatening. helpful.


----------



## angelpixie

Finally. But not without yet another piece of dumbassedness. He asked for a copy of my financial disclosure last week for himself. I told him I'd pick it up from my lawyer so I could copy at work free, and save her billing me for it. I told him it would be this week sometime. While I was in my dr appt, he called to see if he could save me the trip and just have her do it for him while he was (Finally dropping off his affidavit). Of course by the time I got his voicemail to tell him in no uncertain terms NOT to have her copy it for him...he'd already done so. 

He called back wondering why I sounded so icy in the voicemail, so I had to explain it slowly, using as many monosyllabic words as I could, what I'd already emailed to him. Oh, yeah, says he. He forgot. I told that if I was billed, I'd pass it on to him. 

So, having STILL not heard if he was OK with the amended text, I brought that up. Got him to back down on changing the payment mechanism, as the nonsensical reasons he tried to give for making that advantageous could be done in other ways. 
'Why are you angry? I'm not angry at you' 
I told him I want the divorce done now, and it had been a week since he had the info. As predicted, he tried making excuses about how busy he was -- during 3 days of the last week. He didn't know I was so anxious! Well, what is there in my 3 emails and 1 in-person and 1 phone conversation would lead you to believe I wasn't anxious?

Why again do I think this is a smart man?

At any rate, my lawyer will have the docs ready for me to sign on Thursday, and then I can file on that mofo.


----------



## Ikaika

I think as part of the settlement you should have required he tattoo a big upper case L on his forehead to go along with eraser shaped haircut (ref pic in your album).


----------



## Dollystanford

say 'I wanna cut a sucker from my life and that sucker is YOU'

*pistol fingers*


----------



## angelpixie

OK, off to the Y so we can all talk about how happy we are to be girls. I hope they surprise us with a kickboxing class instead.


----------



## angelpixie

Just checked my work email. My atty gave the OK on the final child support clause as rewritten, and is starting on the QDRO for splitting up my retirement. We can't file it til the divorce is final, but it will be ready to go. I told her I can stop by on Thursday afternoon as I'll be nearby for another appointment. Her secretary should have information on the date and time of the hearing then. 

Sh!t's finally getting real, folks.

_*Angel is on her way out of purgatory!








*_


----------



## NoWhere

Splitting up 'your' retirement. Does he not have anything saved?


----------



## angelpixie

No, NW. He worked in commission sales til 2006, had a breakdown, then been on disability since 2007. I've been at the same job since 2001. I'm the one with the retirement plan, so by law he gets part. If he had one, I'd get part, or we could negotiate just waiving claims to each other's accounts.

He fully thinks he deserves part of it, as he made more money than I did those first few years (wasn't required to pay into a plan as I am as a public employee). He has nothing saved, but he's only in his 30s so he's got time. I'm in my 40s, and am losing half of what I had saved, which wasn't much. 

I realize why the law was originally passed, but it totally doesn't fit our situation, and I'm getting screwed by it. Luckily though, because we were married for 10 years, I am entitled to half of his retirement benefits from Social Security, provided that a.) I'm not remarried (ha!), and b.) that there is still such a thing as Social Security by then. 

Lucky for him that I have the account for him to raid. He'd still owe me the money, but without my retirement, he'd have to come up with it himself. Without a job, he couldn't get a loan, so I'd be waiting for God knows how many years to collect. I guess it's somewhat better this way.

I'm just going to have to keep myself healthy, because I'm going to have to work forever!! No retirement EVER for this girl.


----------



## NoWhere

Yeah I got kind of hosed myself there. While I was saving money and sinking extra principle into the house to pay it off, my wife was off running up credit cards without my knowledge and blowing money. In the end she didn't touch my retirement, though its not much, but got the house. And here I am starting over. I understand everything you posted. I feel like I won't be able to retire either. I had been working hard for years hoping to pay off the house and then go get a dream house and save up enough money to retire. Now I'll be lucky to keep a home when I'm old and struggling to compete with 20 somethings for a decent job.

So on top of breaking my heart and uprooting my whole life she has put me in a position where my dreams are almost impossible to reach without winning the lottery.

I see a pattern here with the age differences. My wife was a lot younger then me as well.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> No, NW. He worked in commission sales til 2006, had a breakdown, then been on disability since 2007. I've been at the same job since 2001. I'm the one with the retirement plan, so by law he gets part. If he had one, I'd get part, or we could negotiate just waiving claims to each other's accounts.
> 
> He fully thinks he deserves part of it, as he made more money than I did those first few years (wasn't required to pay into a plan as I am as a public employee). He has nothing saved, but he's only in his 30s so he's got time. I'm in my 40s, and am losing half of what I had saved, which wasn't much.
> 
> I realize why the law was originally passed, but it totally doesn't fit our situation, and I'm getting screwed by it. Luckily though, because we were married for 10 years, I am entitled to half of his retirement benefits from Social Security, provided that a.) I'm not remarried (ha!), and b.) that there is still such a thing as Social Security by then.
> 
> Lucky for him that I have the account for him to raid. He'd still owe me the money, but without my retirement, he'd have to come up with it himself. Without a job, he couldn't get a loan, so I'd be waiting for God knows how many years to collect. I guess it's somewhat better this way.
> 
> I'm just going to have to keep myself healthy, because I'm going to have to work forever!! No retirement EVER for this girl.


In spite of the way the law is affecting your situation, I still think you are in a much better place and situation than he will ever be. I know he has PosGF and the house, but that may just be ephemeral situation for him, given his state of mind. 

Staying healthy and looking healthy may pay you bigger dividends than you remaining employed longer. I still think you have way too much to offer to some lucky man, some day. Don't write your last chapter yet. And, anyway you have wealth beyond all measures, your wonderful son. Again, I say take a bow or curtsy for having been the mom he needs and has needed you to be. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Yeah, NW, but we can still have dreams, we might just have to change them up a little. Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you look at it, I haven't had much in my life that went according to the way I'd planned and dreamed. Literally only two things: being a mom, and moving to where I live now. Nothing else: my education, my career, my relationship, nothing went according to 'plan.'

What I've slowly learned over the years is that it's really important to learn to roll with things as much as you can. Being inflexible on what you want or will accept can be really harmful. I know that. So, I'm trying to be able to work the things that are important to me into what I have to work with. 

Can you still manage to keep some of the things that are most important to you? Set one goal at a time and work towards it, then tackle the next one, instead of shooting for the things way off in the future? 

We can do it, sweetie. Keep pushing forward, and look at what you have, not what you lack. I'll bet there's more there than you think. You're just in a very understandably negative place right now. But it won't last if you don't let it.


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> In spite of the way the law is affecting your situation, I still think you are in a much better place and situation than he will ever be. I know he has PosGF and the house, but that may just be ephemeral situation for him, given his state of mind.
> 
> Staying healthy and looking healthy may pay you bigger dividends than you remaining employed longer. I still think you have way too much to offer to some lucky man, some day. Don't write your last chapter yet. And, anyway you have wealth beyond all measures, your wonderful son. Again, I say take a bow or curtsy for having been the mom he needs and has needed you to be. :smthumbup:


Thanks, D. I'm trying.


----------



## angelpixie

Curses, foiled again! Went to the atty's office. She was in a meeting, and her secy was at a doctor appointment. The fill-in couldn't find papers for me to sign, and I had to get home to meet DS. The secy is supposed to call when she returns and I'll run back up. 

50 degrees yesterday and rain all day. Melted the snow, flooded the streetcorners, what a mess!

Today: temps down to the 20s, and it's snowing like gangbusters. Already 3" and it's still coming down. I know what DS is hoping for tomorrow!!


----------



## NoWhere

Ouch the 20's. Sounds like a day to just stay in bed.


----------



## HappyKaty

NoWhere said:


> Ouch the 20's. Sounds like a day to just stay in bed.


Amen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

No, we hearty Momtanans still have to go out and shovel the walks and clear the snowplow mound from the end of the driveway. Oh, wait, DS is home -- I'll get him to do it.


----------



## Orpheus

look at you taking the bit.


----------



## angelpixie

On the D papers, or cleaning up the snow?


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> Momtanans


----------



## angelpixie

Well, pooh. STFC cancelled tonight due to the bad roads. But, when she called to tell me about the cancellation, my teacher also asked if I could sub again in 2 weeks. :smthumbup: Yay! That will pay for nearly 3 class fees.


----------



## angelpixie

First question I will have when my future realtor shows me a place: 

Does it have heat -- in *every* room? (as in, more than just the LR?) ray: 

Nothing wakes one up in the morning like ice cold lotion (ice cold deodorant, ice cold toothpaste, etc.)! :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

my heated towel rail is totally the best thing in my house


----------



## angelpixie

Funny thing about snow. Even when you have to chip/shovel your entire walk, de-ice all 4 door locks to try to get one door open (I was minutes away from disconnecting the outdoor Christmas lights and bringing out my hair dryer), kicking open the frozen *back* door from the inside *front* seat so that you could get the dome light to go off, all before work --- I still end up walking in the door with a smile on my face. Snow just does that. It's all beautiful outside, and once I warm up my feet and get a hot cup of coffee in me, all is right. When it's 100 degrees and smoky outside, or pouring rain and cold and muddy, not so much smiling going on.

I guess I'm one of those people who needs all four seasons.  (No offense, drerio  )


----------



## TBT

angelpixie said:


> I guess I'm one of those people who needs all four seasons.


Me too! I don't think I'd experience the rush of springtime as much without the winter.


----------



## Lon

TBT said:


> Me too! I don't think I'd experience the rush of springtime as much without the winter.


Me too, I just wished where I live the summers were longer and winters were shorter, and also if the spring and fall were a little warmer.

I love spring and summer! Dislike autumn and winter, but they do build up the appreciation for the warmer weather and longer days...


----------



## unsure78

HI! Lon


----------



## angelpixie

Snafu with the attorney's office has been fixed. Signing the petition today so she can file. When Chinless goes in and signs off on the two settlement agreements (parenting and property), we can submit those and get assigned a court date. I've already emailed that info to him. Hopefully he gets his ass in ASAP. 

BTW, Chinless -- Happy Anniversary, tomorrow.


----------



## Lon

unsure78 said:


> HI! Lon


yo! Unsure!


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I guess I'm one of those people who needs all four seasons.  (No offense, drerio  )


That's ok, I feel the same about seeing the ocean. It sets both my directional and emotional barometer.


----------



## Orpheus

Oh snap girl! Serve that sass!!! 

What are you doing tomorrow to celebrate yourself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Anyone have any duct tape? The shell is starting to crack.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Anyone have any duct tape? The shell is starting to crack.


I find Bondo putty works better. . What's up, talk to us


----------



## Dollystanford

:nono:

not needed - there's nothing wrong with a bit of a crack, as long as you plug it up asap


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> Oh snap girl! Serve that sass!!!
> 
> What are you doing tomorrow to celebrate yourself?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I read that the first time as 'Serve that ass!!!', referring to Chinless. 

No self-celebration plans on the agenda. Extra Mom Time -- taking DS to a free basketball game tomorrow afternoon. Not sure what I'll be doing in the evening after he goes to be with his dad.


----------



## angelpixie

I was incorrect on the order of things. I still have to wait to officially hand him the papers before he can go in and sign the waiver. So, some time next week, I'm guessing. My atty is out today, but it's ready to be filed. 

I had to proofread everything and I was doing OK. But after reading 'Chinless and Angel were married January 12, 2001' over and over, then signing January 11 over and over on the petition and settlements, my hand shook a little bit. Came home, had a quick cry (literally 5 minutes!) before DS walked in the door. Trying to buck up. Don't want to cry over that POS anymore. I thought I was done with that. Getting back to normal now, though.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I read that the first time as 'Serve that ass!!!', referring to Chinless.
> 
> No self-celebration plans on the agenda. Extra Mom Time -- taking DS to a free basketball game tomorrow afternoon. Not sure what I'll be doing in the evening after he goes to be with his dad.


Buy some Kona Brew. I will raise my cup of green tea, cheers. Time to make a new and better history. Don't worry Angel you will be in a better place than him someday. I just know it. And, your son has already established who the real adult is among his parents.


----------



## angelpixie

He saw DS late this evening. When he came by to pick him up, he sent DS out to the car ahead, so I told him I signed the petition today. He smiled and said, 'Oh, good.' Like he would have said in the past as a response to 'I changed the oil on the car today.' I wonder if he even remembers what tomorrow is. Maybe he does, and it's all a big regret that he's happy to undo. Sigh. 

And once again tonight, after not sayinganything while we were alone, DS says he doesn't want to go with his dad, while he's standing there to pick DS up. Not sure where this is going next.


----------



## Orpheus

Serve that as$!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> He saw DS late this evening. When he came by to pick him up, he sent DS out to the car ahead, so I told him I signed the petition today. He smiled and said, 'Oh, good.' Like he would have said in the past as a response to 'I changed the oil on the car today.' I wonder if he even remembers what tomorrow is. Maybe he does, and it's all a big regret that he's happy to undo. Sigh.
> 
> I've decided that I really don't like being dismissed as if I'm a bug compared to him and his important life. He's a pretentious ass and I so wish he was completely out of my life. But the contact is a lot less than it used to be.
> 
> And once again, after not mentioning it to me when we were alone, DS starts saying how much he doesn't want to go with his dad, once he is standing there to pick DS up. Not sure where this will go next.
> <font size="1"><i>Posted via Mobile Device</i></font>


I know you have moved on, but I still have a big lump in my throat. Sorry Angel, I just can't help it. At around 6pm HST tomorrow, I will toast my green tea and say "Here is to a new beginning". I may have a tear in my eye, but I also know you are strong enough to move toward that new beginning. I'm not going anywhere, so continue to post. Here is to you Angel :smthumbup:


----------



## vi_bride04

So you have to wait for the lawyer to serve him? You can't just self serve him like i did my ex?


----------



## angelpixie

No, I don't have to wait, but my lawyer was out of the office today, so it couldn't get filed today. Once that happens, I can serve him myself. Then he can go right to her office to sign that he received the papers & that he waives his 21 days. Then we can get our date assigned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> No, I don't have to wait, but my lawyer was out of the office today, so it couldn't get filed today. Once that happens, I can serve him myself. Then he can go right to her office to sign that he received the papers & that he waives his 21 days. Then we can get our date assigned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ahhh ok. I hope he goes and signs right away and isn't "too busy" and takes the whole 21 days...but if he doesn't respond and defaults..well you will be in a way better position financially


----------



## angelpixie

Ok, there are hundreds of empty seats in this arena. Why did the huge loud guy who has a megaphone have to sit next to me? LOL  DS is having a great time. :smthumbup:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Cocteau Twins: Heaven or Las Vegas - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie

2nd night in a row with a nightmare about STBXH. That hasn't happened in months and months and months. Felt like a dish rag when I got up. It's being stirred up by the combination of filing and our anniversary, I know. Perfect sh!tstorm for the subconscious. But hopefully, it's also leading to a purge of sorts.

Gotta get the inner mind focused forward like rest of it is.


----------



## Dollystanford

well there's other things to be focusing on my darling

like Celine Dion

knee socks with sandals

a bucket full of quarters

fanny packs


----------



## angelpixie

My heart will go ooooooonnnnn.....


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> well there's other things to be focusing on my darling
> 
> like Celine Dion
> 
> knee socks with sandals
> 
> a bucket full of quarters
> 
> fanny packs


Onesies

Convention swag

Buffets

Pistol fingers


----------



## vi_bride04

Cancun cabana boys shirtless

Margaritas

Stars at night while on the beach


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Cancun cabana boys shirtless
> 
> Margaritas
> 
> Stars at night while on the beach



mmmmmm........yessssss......


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks to Lon, I'm now watching Schmoopie videos

We can all be friends - YouTube

Kumbaya - YouTube

I can't stop laughing.


----------



## angelpixie

Size 14 - People Get Really Drunk In Las Vegas - YouTube







:beer:







:toast:


----------



## angelpixie

I wonder if there's a new gambit in the works with NearlyEx and his gf. NearlyEx has been very short and grumpy with me the last few days. When I picked up DS yesterday, they were at a place a couple blocks away from his house, so I went there to pick up DS. As it turned out, all his school stuff was at the house instead of in the car, so we all drove back to the house. When we got there, I got out to help DS get his stuff. NearlyEx went to open the front door, and I assumed GF would go with him. Instead, she stayed out on the front walk. We usually don't talk beyond exchanged hellos/how are yous. (Except for when she recently gave me permission to go upstairs in the house -- gee thanks) This time, she walked over to me, and pointedly said hello. Then asked how I was. Then commented on how much she loved the new snow we've gotten. I smiled, responded politely, offered reciprocal inquiries of my own (I am the charming Angelpixie, after all.  ). But I have *absolutely no desire* of being friends with her. I *know* they were having an EA. I saw the evidence (some NearlyEx knows about and some he doesn't). I'm waiting for him to approach me about my 'rudeness' soon. I'm not rude, I just don't feel like being friends with either of them. I don't owe them anything but politeness. And they get that. 

What is the deal, now?


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> I wonder if there's a new gambit in the works with NearlyEx and his gf. NearlyEx has been very short and grumpy with me the last few days. When I picked up DS yesterday, they were at a place a couple blocks away from his house, so I went there to pick up DS. As it turned out, all his school stuff was at the house instead of in the car, so we all drove back to the house. When we got there, I got out to help DS get his stuff. NearlyEx went to open the front door, and I assumed GF would go with him. Instead, she stayed out on the front walk. We usually don't talk beyond exchanged hellos/how are yous. (Except for when she recently gave me permission to go upstairs in the house -- gee thanks) This time, she walked over to me, and pointedly said hello. Then asked how I was. Then commented on how much she loved the new snow we've gotten. I smiled, responded politely, offered reciprocal inquiries of my own (I am the charming Angelpixie, after all.  ). But I have *absolutely no desire* of being friends with her. I *know* they were having an EA. I saw the evidence (some NearlyEx knows about and some he doesn't). I'm waiting for him to approach me about my 'rudeness' soon. I'm not rude, I just don't feel like being friends with either of them. I don't owe them anything but politeness. And they get that.
> 
> *What is the deal, now?*


You are living well and it is being noticed. 

And well, wouldn't you be in a grumpy mood too if your 'mom' never let you have any fun??? LMAO


----------



## Dollystanford

trouble in paradise?


----------



## Dollystanford

or perhaps he wants you to be BFFs (being the delusion f*ckface he is) so that she can find out all your girl's secrets and shenanigans and relay them back to him

great idea brainiac *pistol fingers*


----------



## angelpixie

That's why I posted the schmoopie video above -- I could hear them having that exact conversation. 

'She looks happy.'

'So what?'

'That proves that our love is real and worth hurting people.' 

I wish I could meet the person who made those videos. They are so spot on it's scary.


----------



## angelpixie

I'm giving a short CE session at the end of our department meeting today. It's something new my supe is trying out, and she asked me to do the first one. Thanks.  

She just stopped by to tell me that everyone will be filling out evaluations when I'm done. And not to take them personally. 

Don't you just love managers with 'people skills'? :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Got a text from NearlyEx, telling me where and when we'll meet tonight for him to pick up DS and his stuff. Usually it's along the lines of 'Pick-up tonight at x:xx at Wherever?' I answer yes or no. Today it was 'I'll see you at x:xx in the Wherever parking lot. Have a good day.' Busted!! Gotta be her using his phone to send a message for him. He'd never wish me a good day, especially lately! :rofl:

CE session went well, except I had to give it on an ancient laptop connected via wireless. Sloooooww. No problem filling in the entire timeslot.  Supe gave me chocolate when I was done.  Had a couple of co-workers tell me they learned some new things, including some people who have been there longer than I have. So, :smthumbup: It gets a little easier and I panic a little less each time I have to do one of these things.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I'm giving a short CE session at the end of our department meeting today. It's something new my supe is trying out, and she asked me to do the first one. Thanks.
> 
> She just stopped by to tell me that everyone will be filling out evaluations when I'm done. And not to take them personally.
> 
> Don't you just love managers with 'people skills'? :rofl:


Better than standing up in front of a bunch of self congratulating pompous scientist and give a talk about your research and during the Q and A, that one person who wants to verbally challenge every piece of data. Whip out my bazooka. Next Q.

But, yes I know what you mean. I know you will or already did well.


----------



## angelpixie

Sigh. This situation with DS is really bothering me, and I don't know what I can do about it, or if I should do anything. Tonight was our weekly switch-off, and when we were getting ready to meet them, DS started hugging me and saying he wanted to stay with me and didn't want to go to this dad's. I sat down with him and asked him why he's been saying that lately -- I wanted to know the reason, not just 'I don't know.' 

He kind of hemmed and hawed, and said 'Well, maybe it's GF.' Maybe? Of course it's GF. I tried to tell him that his dad would miss him if he didn't get to have his time with DS, and that things would be OK. What am I supposed to say? Oh, there are all KINDS of things I'd love to say, but of course I can't and won't. 

We got to the car, and he continued saying that it is because of her. I told him I understood, but that her being there is something that he'll probably have to get used to. He keeps pinning his hopes on the fact that his dad said they're not getting married. I've tried to gently explain to him that some people live together without ever getting married. I told him to tell his dad his feelings in an honest and respectful way, and to ask to speak to him alone. He asked if I thought she'd be there when his dad met us. I told him I'd be surprised if she wasn't. She was. 

DS does not act like there are any problems when he's with them. He doesn't avoid her, he will tell me in conversations that they all played monopoly together, or something else. And he's very excited about the cat they're getting (they're naming it after The Brick -- bad idea, but they didn't ask me. His dad doesn't like Brick either, so it's obviously to get on DS' good side). 

It's just when it's time to get ready to go, or to get his things together, etc. Then, he gets very sad and clingy. I feel like the poor kid puts on a happy face for them. And that's all they see. Because that's all they want to see. 

I just don't know what to do. It's really tearing me up. I don't want him growing up thinking his feelings don't matter. Sadly, in this case...they really don't.


----------



## Lon

I'm sorry Angel, it is awful. In time it WILL be ok, this is just a phase that is part of a family splitting up and becoming two families.

My ex's BF has been there all Christmas season - he seems like a decent enough chap though, problem for me is he seems too good, my son adores him and talks about him a lot. It is tearing me up the other direction. But it is not about me, it's about my son, just as with you this is all about your son, and even if he doesn't "like" it, as long as his needs are met and he is being loved and can grow, then he will sort through it with time.

big hugs to you, you are doing a wonderful job raising your son even if it feels like you are the only one sometimes - in which case the situation in your son's eyes is better than you have in mind, not worse.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, sweetie. That means a lot to me, coming from you. I'm sorry you're going through this, too. I do know what you mean. DS doesn't really dislike her, I don't think. He just doesn't want her there all the time. I'm probably having some of those same feelings you are from time to time. I guess that's one reason this change in DS has surprised me. He's known her and been around her since before we broke up. He wasn't happy that she was always around this summer, before she moved in. But since she 'officially' moved in before Christmas, his feelings have just gotten stronger. You are probably right in that part of it is him seeing his dad doing 'family' type things with her, like grocery shopping, etc., and not just fun 'date' type stuff. Maybe it is another way that it's making our split more real, even though there's been no doubt for a long time. Actually having another woman there in his home instead of me is another huge step for DS. One that his father is not sensitive to at all.


----------



## TBT

Things will be ok Angel.You have the maternal instinct for him,but he also has a reciprocal instinct towards you,and from all you've shared,a very strong one.So part of what's going on is probably some worry on his part as to whether or not you're going to be okay.You've given him his good,solid and loving foundation and he's always going to want to make sure you're alright,though being young he just might not know how to express it fully.jmho.Take care Angel.


----------



## Ikaika

Well Angel you know my feeling about when adults dismisses a kids feelings. Anyway I hope that at some point your son can express his feelings to his dad and his dad will listen.


----------



## angelpixie

Wondering why I'm sitting here with my teeth chattering. My heat's gone out again -- 2nd time in 2 nights. 9 flipping degrees outside. Grrr. and Brrr.


----------



## angelpixie

And 2 more times. Do I need a new thermocouple _again?_ That will be the 4th one this winter!


----------



## angelpixie

Forgot to post one yesterday:








Vegas - Clubstrophobia - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie

Just heard from my atty. The petition has been filed, but we have to have a mandatory parenting class before the decree is filed. It's only offered once a month. If I can't squeeze the one tomorrow into my schedule at last minute (not like I have anything else keeping me busy), then the next available one is on...my birthday. 

Yeah...no. Not how I want to spend my birthday. 

Sigh. 

Since I know the courthouse closes at 5, and the class starts at 4:30, what could they possibly teach us about parenting in a 1/2 hour that we haven't already learned in 10 years? And we already filed our parenting plan, which is largely unchanged over the last year and a half. 

Bureaucracy. Pfft.


----------



## Dollystanford

wow they really don't want you to get divorced do they


----------



## angelpixie

Had a short meeting at work, which gave me time to hear back from my atty. The class is actually 1.5-2 hours, so I guess that is enough time.  

Asked about the status of the paperwork. They have everything back and will be contacting him this afternoon to come in and sign -- which means I don't get to officially serve him. I guess that's a stress I can leave to someone else. After that, it's a matter of waiting for the court date and taking this class. 

She said we have to wait 21 days to enter the decree, and that waiting to take the class til next month wouldn't delay anything, so I'm guessing there is a span of time between the date the divorce is granted in court and the date it's entered? I thought it was all final on the day in court. 

Maybe if we can both take the class tomorrow, and he signs the papers today or tomorrow, things could move along quickly enough to get the court date around my birthday. 

Then I can make some allegory to being born again...or something.... Hallelujah...


----------



## vi_bride04

Here's hoping that chinless doesn't have too many pretentious things to do instead that will delay signing those papers in a timely manner!


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, vi! I don't think he'll be delaying -- I had an email from him this morning asking if the papers were ready yet. I already forwarded the atty's info to him. :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

perhaps Tramp's putting some pressure on now she has control of his phone, his mind and his life


----------



## angelpixie

She wants to do the complete takeover.


----------



## vi_bride04

Heck, maybe it was her sending the email!!!! 

HAHAHA

I love that she is totally taking his balls from him so soon. Just love it. I know she sucks, but damn its funny watching how "green that grass is for him" 

But I know if I had a choice, I'd much rather be in Angel's garden. I like real turf, not the artificial stuff.


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> But I know if I had a choice, I'd much rather be in Angel's garden.


Why, vi...I didn't know you cared... 






:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

He's signing the papers tomorrow morning, and is going to try to make the parenting class tomorrow afternoon! :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Elvis Presley - Viva Las Vegas - YouTube


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: Angel's Journal/blog*



angelpixie said:


>


Not the type of cabana boy I had in mind, Angel, deary


----------



## cantmove

I don't know, I kinda like his style. Party hat, double fisting it, and a cigar!


----------



## Dollystanford

If only we could all find a man like that


----------



## angelpixie

Don't give up hope! There's always tomorrow. :smthumbup:


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: Angel's Journal/blog*



angelpixie said:


> Don't give up hope! There's always tomorrow. :smthumbup:


You mean, "there's always tonight"??


----------



## angelpixie

Well, I don't know, Lon -- it's kind of short notice, but I can rearrange my schedule. 


:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Just got a call from DS' principal. He wrote a poem in class yesterday about a kid who has been giving him trouble (bullying) since last year, though this year he says things have been better. He was able to see that what he did was just as bad and was very sorry about it. The principal saw him and talked to him, as well as the guy at school who is working with the bully and other kids with issues. He will facilitate a meeting between him and DS because DS wants to apologize. 

He didn't tell me about this yesterday during the short time I saw him, though we did talk about other school things. I just talked to his dad, and DS didn't tell him about it, either. I suggested to NearlyEx that we get together next week to talk about the possibility of DS seeing a counselor. I got a name of someone from my IC and I'll get more info on her today. 

It doesn't surprise me that whatever is going on inside him is leaking out in other areas of his life. He's been under a lot of stress. I also was bullied in school, and sometimes that, in combination with stress at home(s) just gets to be too much. I just want to cry. I feel like we've failed him. 

He won free classes in a sport we could never afford. Six classes. The 2nd one was last night. When I dropped him off at his dad's (an hour before class, so that, as I mentioned to his dad on the phone, they could eat beforehand), I wished him a good time at it. When I called to tell him goodnight, he told me they 'forgot' to take him. I was surprised and just said "Oh no! They forgot?" He said 'Yeah, it's OK. I'm OK now," like he was trying not to cry. It's because what's going on with him isn't important enough for them to remember. I remember that well. The whole 'forgetting' thing. Selective forgetting. Forgetting things that aren't important to him.

While I was on the phone with the principal, I saw that NearlyEx was calling me. I listened to the voicemail, and he was at the lawyer's office and had a question for me before he signed. I called back right away but didn't get him. Turns out the last little line in what I was asking for is a generic 'and whatever the court deems appropriate.' That totally freaked him out because he thought there would be some surprise award I would get. That phrase has been in those papers from the first draft. But, God forbid, anything that could possibly benefit me gets by him. After dealing with Ethan not wanting to stay with him, the thing last night, and then what I'd just heard from the principal, I had the HARDEST time keeping my voice calm so that I could convince him that I wasn't sneaking anything by him. Jeebus Christmas. I just want to kick that man in the balls so badly right now.

And when I called him back, I got his new voicemail message. It's posGF's voice, saying that you've reached the photography business (rather than douchecanoe's name). 'We are experiencing a high volume of photography right now. Please leave your statement at the tone.' Trying to sound all hip/professional/bored. So now, whenever I call to talk to DS and end up having to leave a message, that's what I get to listen to. FML. I could have done a much better job, btw.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> Just got a call from DS' principal. He wrote a poem in class yesterday about a kid who has been giving him trouble (bullying) since last year, though this year he says things have been better. He was able to see that what he did was just as bad and was very sorry about it. The principal saw him and talked to him, as well as the guy at school who is working with the bully and other kids with issues. He will facilitate a meeting between him and DS because DS wants to apologize.
> 
> Angel - I just wanted to say the maturity of your son astounds me. Wanting to appologize and admitting that he was wrong? Thats great character, mom! And he learned those great values from you. You need to take alot of pride in how you are raising him!!!
> 
> He didn't tell me about this yesterday during the short time I saw him, though we did talk about other school things. I just talked to his dad, and DS didn't tell him about it, either. I suggested to NearlyEx that we get together next week to talk about the possibility of DS seeing a counselor. I got a name of someone from my IC and I'll get more info on her today.
> 
> I hope chinless doesnt' put up a fight with that. I really do think some IC would do your son good. Especially if he feels he can't share things with his dad. You don't want those types of feelings spilling over into your relationship wtih him.
> 
> It doesn't surprise me that whatever is going on inside him is leaking out in other areas of his life. He's been under a lot of stress. I also was bullied in school, and sometimes that, in combination with stress at home(s) just gets to be too much. I just want to cry. I feel like we've failed him.
> 
> He won free classes in a sport we could never afford. Six classes. The 2nd one was last night. When I dropped him off at his dad's (an hour before class, so that, as I mentioned to his dad on the phone, they could eat beforehand), I wished him a good time at it. When I called to tell him goodnight, he told me they 'forgot' to take him. I was surprised and just said "Oh no! They forgot?" He said 'Yeah, it's OK. I'm OK now," like he was trying not to cry. It's because what's going on with him isn't important enough for them to remember. I remember that well. The whole 'forgetting' thing. Selective forgetting. Forgetting things that aren't important to him.
> 
> Wait, you are kidding....? They "forgot"?? :scratchhead: Can you talk to his POS dad and see what the hell happened? Maybe that would be causing unneeded drama but did DS remind them to go? Do they know how important these classes are to DS?
> 
> While I was on the phone with the principal, I saw that NearlyEx was calling me. I listened to the voicemail, and he was at the lawyer's office and had a question for me before he signed. I called back right away but didn't get him. Turns out the last little line in what I was asking for is a generic 'and whatever the court deems appropriate.' That totally freaked him out because he thought there would be some surprise award I would get. That phrase has been in those papers from the first draft. But, God forbid, anything that could possibly benefit me gets by him. After dealing with Ethan not wanting to stay with him, the thing last night, and then what I'd just heard from the principal, I had the HARDEST time keeping my voice calm so that I could convince him that I wasn't sneaking anything by him. Jeebus Christmas. I just want to kick that man in the balls so badly right now.
> 
> The only reason he thinks you are going to "surprise" him is b/c he is a lying, sneaky [email protected] himsself!!! My ex said similar crap regarding the judgement. Thought if he signed the lawyer was going to put something in that he didn't agree too to screw him over before it was finalized. I really hope he gets that thing signed today. Remember, if he delays, go to the Trampire to light the fire under his @ss...LOL
> 
> And when I called him back, I got his new voicemail message. It's posGF's voice, saying that you've reached the photography business (rather than douchecanoe's name). 'We are experiencing a high volume of photography right now. Please leave your statement at the tone.' Trying to sound all hip/professional/bored. So now, whenever I call to talk to DS and end up having to leave a message, that's what I get to listen to. FML. I could have done a much better job, btw.
> 
> The assimilation is taking over!!! Soon you will be discussing all custody related issues to her and not him. She really is taking over his life, isn't she?



What I really hope is that chinless wakes up and sees how he is affecting DS. Maybe with the counseling, the IC will drag his @ss in there to get him to understand. But knowing chinless, it won't sink in b/c he is just so much better than anyone else. 

Why do these cheating aholes always abandoned their kids in times of need? I mean yes, he is spending time with DS, but is he really??? I know how my ex was, and he would never spend time with his kids by himself, I always had to be there. And I know thats not what they would have preferred. They were uncomfortable with it and I'm sure DS is too! 

Has he been able to talk to his dad at all about it??


----------



## Ikaika

Angel I just want to cry for your son... Damn it. I don't know what else to say, but give him a big TAM hug from me. Hell I am crying.


----------



## angelpixie

Vi -- I don't know. I've told him that he should talk to his dad, and he has in the past. Chinless has given him all kinds of excuses for why things are a certain way at that moment, but it never changes. I don't know if he has talked to him recently. And you're right -- his biggest issue is that he never gets alone time with his dad. 

And I think you're also right on why he's so suspicious. Total projection. 

Drerio -- Thanks. In the long run, he's going to be OK, I'm sure, but I just hate to think of him hurting like he is.


----------



## angelpixie

Just got back from the orientation for 'parenting post-dissolution.' They let us out early because they couldn't show the video we were supposed to see. Which is fine, because just the description of it in the packet was hard to read. 'Kids' eye view of how their lives change after the dissolution of their parents' marriage and how it feels to them to live separately with the people they love the most in the world.' Sigh.

NearlyEx did make it, so another check mark on the list of things we needed to complete. Now, it's just waiting to get assigned a date. 

I talked to DS today about the poem. He didn't want to tell me, and immediately felt bad for hurting the other boy. I really believe he didn't think he was hurting the kid. based on the things he was telling me. And (thanks to his horrible handwriting) the principal read part of it incorrectly, and it didn't say what she thought it did. He said he apologized to the boy in person today, and then they went back to class and had cupcakes because it was someone's birthday, so everything was OK. 

When he was picking DS up from my place after the class, I asked NearlyEx if I could give DS a ride to school tomorrow to get another chance to see him since I won't for a few days. He was overjoyed and said 'Yes! We've had a terrible time getting to school on time. Be my guest!' vigorously shaking my hand the whole time he's saying this. WTF? Why shake my hand?! Then he _kept_ holding onto my hand while he was telling me about the little trials and tribulations that were making them late the last few days. Very, very strange. 
It also struck me as very strange that the physical contact of shaking his hand felt so....alien. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. He used to be my husband. And now it feels strange just to shake his hand. And I felt really uncomfortable when it went on 'too long.'


----------



## angelpixie

What in the name of love made me think I should wear a long-sleeved shirt to STFC?


----------



## Lon

angelpixie said:


> What in the name of love made me think I should wear a long-sleeved shirt to STFC?


did you take it off?


----------



## angelpixie

Not til I got home. 

I took off the one I put on over it -- the men's shirt I practice with.


----------



## Dollystanford

Lon you're very frisky at the moment - time of the month?


----------



## Stella Moon

Dollystanford said:


> Lon you're very frisky at the moment - time of the month?


_lol..._

photoshoping...


----------



## angelpixie

Found out yesterday that NearlyEx badgered DS to tell him where I'm going this weekend. I purposely have not told him. I sent him an email a week ago reminding him that this weekend, he'd be watching DS this Saturday instead of our usual trade. I told him I'd be contacting DS by phone and/or email, and if he needed to reach me and couldn't by phone, my dad and brother had my hotel information. Should have been pretty clear that I didn't think I needed or wanted to share much with him, right? He has never outright asked me where I'm going. 

I told DS, and told him that I hadn't told his dad. I don't want him to have to keep secrets, so I told him if his dad asked and he felt he had to tell him, I'd understand. But I didn't want him to run in the house and say "Hey, Dad, guess where Mom's going!" He laughed and said he wouldn't do that.

Yesterday afternoon, we were talking about the trip, and I asked in passing if he'd told his dad. He got this very guilty look on his face, and I laughed and said "You walked in and said 'Hey, Dad, guess where Mom's going,' didn't you?" He said no, he didn't but his dad kept asking him. He said that Mom asked him not to tell (which I didn't ask him to do), but NearlyEx did not respect either my wishes or the position he was to put DS in. He apparently started guessing places and wouldn't stop until he said the place and DS said yes. I told DS I wasn't mad at him and I wish his dad had just asked me instead. 

One cute thing: DS said that maybe I didn't want him to know because I was going to gamble. NearlyEx apparently said 'No, I know she's not going to gamble.' 

And I realized that quite coincidentally, he probably saw the Victoria's Secret bag on my table last week. (Went for the semi-annual sale, during which I was going to be able to also use the employee discount of a friend who works there.) I never bought anything from VS when we were together. 

He probably has quite the little scenario in his mind. And all incorrect, lol. 

But what an ass to a.) feel he has the right to that kind of information, and b.) not have the balls to just ask me and to put his child in the position he did. 

My disgust with him just grows. But I'm not letting it bring me down. I drove DS to school this morning and he was not at all upset with me for going. Just wants me to call him, take lots of pictures, and bring him back something cool.


----------



## Ikaika

Tell you what Angel, when you get the funds and come here just leave brochures of the beautiful Hilton Hawaiian Village out when he comes to pick up your son. Also I can send you some pics of some of some handsome muscular Polynesian males that you can have as your computer home screen available for him to see  

Have fun Angel, you deserve this hiatus. And, you are right, you ex had no right to put his own son in such an uncomfortable situation. Maybe he missed that part of that D parenting class yesterday. Whatever he, 'eraser head' is not your worry other than having to ensure that he can have quality time with his son. Take Care.


----------



## vi_bride04

Angel, as a kid who was constantly asked by her dad what mom was up to or thinking or whatever and put in the middle of things, I have to say what chinless is doing will totally alienate DS from him. DS will not want to share anything with him, especially the truth and will just start to despise and resent seeing his dad if all he will do is grill him about what mom is doing.

I hope he can wake up and realize he is damaging the relationship with his son. But I doubt he will. If he can't realize the damage he did to his marriage by cheating, I doubt he will see what he is doing to DS. Even with those parenting classes. 

I don't have kids so really don't have any advice on how to handle this other than just be the best mom you can be and not talk about his dad or what happened their house while he was there. The more chinless grills DS, the more he will think you are doing the same thing even by simple "what did you do at your dads" questions.


----------



## NoWhere

Give one of us your phone number then leave the phone on a table near where he can see it and we're text stuff like. "Last night was wonderful! Loved that lingerie you wore! Hubba Hubba!"

I'd be up for that for sure! Would love to see the look on his face.


----------



## SpunkySpunky

Well isn't he quite the Nosy Rosy? 


I do hope he does better by his son though...his actions are just going to drive a big wedge in between.


----------



## angelpixie

The Angel has landed! :smthumbup: I have at least 4 hrs til the 1st of my 2 compadres arrives, so I think I'll head out with my camera. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

The posse is complete. Let the debauchery begin!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: Angel's Journal/blog*



angelpixie said:


> The posse is complete. Let the debauchery begin!


I'm going out for some debauchery tonight too!!! 

I'll cheers you tonight, angel


----------



## Ikaika

I will stay home for my debauchery


----------



## angelpixie

Waiting for penn & teller, having burned off every calorie ingested today, & our buzz, lol (from walking )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Doesn't even have the balls to ask outright and has to put a 10 year old in a difficult position

What a weaselly :loser:


----------



## angelpixie

Onstage before the Penn & Teller show, investigating the props.


----------



## Dollystanford

Don't let Angel's thread die whilst she serves her week on the naughty step people


----------



## vi_bride04

I love you Angelpoo


----------



## Matt1720

Wherever you are, thank you


----------



## TBT

Angel,you little devil! Come back as soon as you can;you're missed.


----------



## cantmove

Gone(temporarily) but never forgotten!!!!


----------



## Ikaika

thinking about you


----------



## Chopsy

Is Angel banned? What for? Missing you already angel!


----------



## Forever Changed

Anggelll!!!!!


----------



## bandit.45

Once again, the TAM mediators have gone above and beyond. What did she do?


----------



## jpr

Angel didn't do anything.

She is an innocent bystander in some shenanigans.


...all she did was laugh at some funniness.


----------



## Stella Moon

She's 'banned'?? 

Seriously? 

How do you get banned here? I've read the threads in the infidelity forum...and wholly hannah people there are brutal...and I've not seen some of them not get 'banned'...

Just sayin'...wow. 

And when one gets 'banned' do you get to find out why? And how long does one get 'banned' for? Do you even get warnings?? 

Can anyone elaborate? Don't mean to hijack...but wow...Angel?


----------



## nice777guy

Free Angel!!!


----------



## Dollystanford

To angel

NEVAH 4GET!


----------



## SpunkySpunky

Aww I miss you Angel.

What in the world could she have done?


Ahhh well.


----------



## Ikaika

We miss you Angel


----------



## Lon

That angel is so badass.


----------



## Dollystanford

oh no Lon is all horny for you Angel


----------



## Stella Moon

...going through withdrawls here...

n...ne....need....a fix....

_she must come back..._


----------



## K.C.

Is there somewhere we can form a picket line?

Bring back Angel.


----------



## Eternal Embrace

Angel!!!! My morning thread reading is soooo incomplete without you!!! I'm counting the days... wait... how many days are we forced to wait for you???


----------



## Dollystanford

She won't be back until at least the weekend kids, sorry

She loves you all. Not as much as me obviously, I am the favourite.


----------



## soca70

Can someone be banned for just a period of time like a week? Is it like a time-out? Angel has some of the most insightful posts on this board. I can't imagine what would cause her to be banned.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yes you can be banned for a period of time - three days or a week or a PERMA BAN

It is not a perma ban, fret not


----------



## Ikaika

Our sweet Angel... Sending you well wishes. Don't forget folks she can still read anonymously. I hope she is.


----------



## NoWhere

Poor Angel. Would love to know what got her banned.


----------



## Stella Moon

NoWhere said:


> Poor Angel. Would love to know what got her banned.


Yeah..no kidding. :scratchhead:

*waving at you Angel if your readin'


----------



## vi_bride04

*does the good luck ta ta shimmy shimmy shake for angelpoo's return*

WOO HOO!


----------



## NoWhere

Trying to picture you doing the ta ta shimmy shimmy shake... Its mildly erotic!


----------



## Dollystanford

In order to make Angel feel all warm and fuzzy inside, I think it would be a good idea to post your thoughts on why she's so ace.

I will go first. Angel was the first person to befriend me on TAM and make me feel welcome. Also, her norks are magnificent

Your turn!


----------



## Ikaika

Angel is a dear friend who I makes most everyone feel special about themselves. I love to read her blog, because her prose flow so well. I still think she should publish her stuff... she has it and her stbxh is the biggest damn fool.


----------



## LovesHerMan

Angel is the sexiest librarian in Momtana, I mean Montana. She dedicates the best songs, gives the best hugs, and had the craziest ideas for orgies in Bandit's old thread.


----------



## vi_bride04

I love angel cuz of the love, devotion, support and just all around great parenting of her son. She has come out of her situation with her head held high and a very positive attitude. Her advice for other people on TAM had been amazing the past few months and i totally contribute it to the personal growth she has accomplished!!!


----------



## Lifescript

Angel was one of the first to reply to my first thread back when my W had me almost convinced I was the crazy one. Her words were exactly what I needed at the time. She's sweet, a 10 in every sense. 

Angel come back soon!


----------



## nice777guy

Angel once rescued my cat when he was stuck in a tree...


----------



## TBT

Though I'm much older than Angel,she is the type of person that I aspire to be.Her profile "occupation" is at odds with my belief of her,because I never get a sense of facade in any of her comments.There is a truth about her that rings as clear as a bell to me.It will be good to see her back on here.Angel is a keeper!


----------



## Forever Changed

She took me under her wing when during the most painful time of my life. She was the first one. I can't even remember how I came across TAM, I was crazy with grief. Was looking for somewhere to, well, I don't even know what. 

But she helped me though, she always wrote back, she always gave great advice and she still does, to this day. She never abandons me. She is devoted, smart and funny.


----------



## Eternal Embrace

Angel is a most awesome chick who constantly inspires me with her "get sh!t done" attitude. She never backs down, is always there for us when we need her and is the best darn mom any child could ask for. She's always good for giving you a laugh - and oh! She bakes the most scumptious looking goodies!!! 

Miss you, Angel... counting the days...


----------



## K.C.

Angel actually is an angel.


----------



## NoWhere

Angel has been there for me plenty of times since I started coming to TAM. She is a dear and I wish her nothing but the best in life. Its amazing to see such outpouring of love for her here. She really has touched a lot of souls.


----------



## jaquen

Donna Martin Graduates! Donna Martin Graduates! Donna Martin Graduates! Donna Martin Graduates!


----------



## Ikaika

Angel is a mom, I wish I would have had growing up.


----------



## Matt1720

awaiting angels return


----------



## NoWhere

She's going to come back at a Target? No way! She has better taste then that!



drerio said:


> Angel is a mom, I wish I would have had growing up.


And the Librarian I wish I had when I last went to the library!!


----------



## cantmove

We miss our Angelpixie!!!!! :biggrinangelA:


----------



## jpr

It is seriously so stupid that Angel is banned. Really. She is an innocent. ...spending time in prison for something she didn't do. 

...at least it gives us a good reason to let Angel know how much she is loved. 

But, still. ...this is just dumb.


----------



## NoWhere

We should call the 'innocence project' and see if they do forum bannings. Maybe there is someone else's DNA on her keyboard. AHA!


----------



## soca70

I think she was framed by the douchecanoe...


----------



## Dollystanford

Larry Gray - Folsom Prison Blues

Elviiiis - Jailhouse Rock

Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak

Dead Kennedys - I fought the law

Tom Jones - The Green Green Grass of Home


----------



## NoWhere

:lol: :rofl:

Good one Dolly!


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## Ikaika

One has to see the positives... Angel is getting much needed rest from some of us loonies


----------



## jpr

At least Angel has some street cred now. 


...even if it is bogus.


----------



## NoWhere

She will probably come back with a bunch of tattoos and some internet underground connections.


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## Orpheus

drerio said:


> much needed rest from some of us loonies


not if she's subscribed to her own thread and is getting bombarded multiple times an hour about this vigil.


----------



## Stella Moon

soca70 said:


> I think she was framed by the douchecanoe...


ROTFLMFAO!!!!:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Stella Moon

I am laughing soooo hard right now....


----------



## nice777guy

With her banishment, her legend grows.

Kind of like Hendrix or TuPac selling more records after they were gone.


----------



## oncehisangel

sits on angels window sill with chocolate cake and a come back bottle of dom.

*sighs.

we sure do miss you winged one


----------



## SpunkySpunky

nice777guy said:


> With her banishment, her legend grows.
> 
> Kind of like Hendrix or TuPac selling more records after they were gone.


or Elvis


----------



## Ikaika

Does anyone what exact day Angel is released from the penalty box? I sure miss her.


----------



## TBT

drerio,I think Dolly said she got 1 week ban and her last post seems to have been early am on the 21st.I miss seeing her on here as well.


----------



## oncehisangel

we should put on a show for her!!!!!! 

we know your watching darling angel..... *throws confetti and sparkles around the room......

hope you're smiling. Never knew you were a naughty angel. 
Who would have thunk it!!


----------



## Dollystanford

Is it going to be a strip show?


----------



## NoWhere

Did someone say strip show?!?!


----------



## Ikaika

who, when????


----------



## Dollystanford

age before beauty


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> age before beauty


We need Wysh over at this thread.


----------



## NoWhere

**Pulls chair up to stage**

When's the show going to begin! :woohoo:


----------



## Matt1720

Commmmeeee seeee the box, everyone on stage to see the magic box


----------



## Matt1720

Freeform jazz bass solo


----------



## Stella Moon

NoWhere said:


> Did someone say strip show?!?!


I'm in!


----------



## vi_bride04

Stella Moon said:


> I'm in!


I already shook my ta tas about 3 pages ago.....LOL

So should we do a themed striptease for Angel??


----------



## NoWhere

vi_bride04 said:


> I already shook my ta tas about 3 pages ago.....LOL
> 
> So should we do a themed striptease for Angel??


Yep. And She's pretty good at it! :smthumbup:

What theme did you have in mind? Librarian?



Stella Moon said:


> I'm in!


Cool. I'm waiting patiently over here for the show to start.


----------



## Ikaika

NoWhere said:


> Yep. And She's pretty good at it! :smthumbup:
> 
> What theme did you have in mind? Librarian?
> 
> 
> Cool. I'm waiting patiently over here for the show to start.


Dolly volunteered first... Ok I am running and hiding now.


----------



## vi_bride04

How about we pick whatever we want to wear for angel?

I get first dibs on the hot, sexy senorita costume!!!


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## OldGirl

Dollystanford said:


> age before beauty


Yay :yay: That means I'm first!

Hey...wait a minute 



Ok, I'll be the bartender for this party. What'll ya have? :toast:


----------



## oncehisangel

*blinx*

you lot! cheeky thangs

















*still waving to angel


----------



## Stella Moon

Break out the pasties!!!!!


----------



## EleGirl

NoWhere said:


> Yep. And She's pretty good at it! :smthumbup:
> 
> What theme did you have in mind? Librarian?
> 
> 
> Cool. I'm waiting patiently over here for the show to start.


The show? I thought you were the show.. when do you start stripping?


----------



## Lon

Dollystanford said:


>


you look so much better out of the wetsuit dear!


----------



## K.C.

OldGirl said:


> Ok, I'll be the bartender for this party. What'll ya have? :toast:


I'll have one of whatever your serving me darlin.


----------



## NoWhere

EleGirl said:


> The show? I thought you were the show.. when do you start stripping?


As soon as PlayGirl Magazine calls back for my centerfold photoshoot!


----------



## vi_bride04

Happy Friday, Angel!!! Hope you enjoy how much we have hijacked your thread since you have been gone


----------



## SpunkySpunky

Lol she is probably watching and shaking her head at us, the crazy goofballs who hijacked her thread.


----------



## Ikaika

In the time she has been free from this looney bin she has opened up a strip bar, hired OldGirl as head bartender and bouncer, had half her body tattooed, drives a Harley to work and is generally someone not to be messed with or approached lightly (reference video below)

http://youtu.be/2sh0wr7HH8Y


----------



## Dollystanford

Seeing as how no-one is actually stripping I'm going to introduce Angel to my current beau


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh Dolly!! You just made my day


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm glad to be of service my dear. I'm sure Angel would appreciate pictures of all our boyfriends


----------



## Lon

This thread needs more (women in) yoga pants


----------



## OldGirl

Dollystanford said:


> I'm glad to be of service my dear. I'm sure Angel would appreciate pictures of all our boyfriends


*Dolly, mounting the couch *


----------



## Dollystanford

:smthumbup:

Lon, if you want to perv over women's asses then create your own thread
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Hey Angel, I left a present for you in your bed when you get back from vacation :smthumbup:


----------



## Lon

Dollystanford said:


> :smthumbup:
> 
> Lon, if you want to perv over women's asses then create your own thread
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not that I want to, I just do. But the reason I commented here is because Angel started it.


----------



## Ikaika

My wife said if I get money from my strip job here that she gets a 60% cut... Gawd, domestic pimps nowadays. How is a guy supposed to make a living?


----------



## Dollystanford

Back by dope demand


----------



## Lon

drerio said:


> My wife said if I get money from my strip job here that she gets a 60% cut... Gawd, domestic pimps nowadays. How is a guy supposed to make a living?


but atleast the taxes would be going into your local community.


----------



## Lon

Dollystanford said:


> Back by dope demand


I'm not gay, this doesn't really arouse me, but for some reason I am not offended, it is almost aesthetically pleasing even (except for the face - maybe it's just cause I'd like to picture my own face on that, oh and also put on a little extra muscle while I'm at it).


----------



## Ikaika

Lon said:


> I'm not gay, this doesn't really arouse me, but for some reason I am not offended, it is almost aesthetically pleasing even (except for the face - maybe it's just cause I'd like to picture my own face on that, oh and also put on a little extra muscle while I'm at it).


You Canadians all stick together  Wait, Lon, I didn't mean it exactly like that.


----------



## NoWhere

Dollystanford said:


> Back by dope demand


You do realize pictures of me are copyright protected right?


----------



## NoWhere

Actually I'm with Drerio on this one. i have a lot more muscle then that squawny guy. Looks like he might hit puberty any decade now.


----------



## Matt1720

*swirls his fingers around his belly button hair*


----------



## Dollystanford

well if the ladies would like to form an orderly queue behind me...I'm happy to take one for the team


----------



## Ikaika

Banned for a week and Angel has lost control of her blog. When the teacher returns, I am sure all of you behave


----------



## Lon

drerio said:


> Banned for a week and Angel has lost control of her blog. When the teacher returns, I am sure all of you behave


I'd like to see her try :bringiton:


----------



## Dollystanford

sorry the substitute teacher's in and no-one pays attention to her


----------



## LovesHerMan

I'm thinking Angel is loving this.


----------



## vi_bride04

I've been naughty....miss angel should give me a spanking with her ruler!!!


----------



## Dollystanford

I'm thinking she might bring her paddle or her whip but that's just what Lon wants anyway :whip:


----------



## LovesHerMan

Dollystanford said:


> I'm thinking she might bring her paddle or her whip but that's just what Lon wants anyway :whip:


Especially if she shows up in her yoga pants.


----------



## Lon

Dollystanford said:


> I'm thinking she might bring her paddle or her whip but that's just what Lon wants anyway :whip:


No, please Mme. Angel, no corporal punishment


----------



## vi_bride04

For Lon...a hot car and girls in yoga pants!


----------



## NoWhere

Now your talking! Look at the curves on that BMW!


----------



## Dollystanford

oh yea?


----------



## NoWhere

Man look at the curves on the Ford Model C


----------



## NoWhere

Actually its a 1934 Ford Coupe.
Wait. Oh the 1934 Ford Coup is the Model C. I was right.


This is so fun hijacking Angel's thread!!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Ok i like dollys pic soooooo much better than mine!!!


----------



## NoWhere

Dolly has a extensive male porn collection to choose from though. So don't feel bad Vi_Bride!


You know Dolly you can get help for that addiction!


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: Angel's Journal/blog*



NoWhere said:


> Dolly has a extensive male porn collection to choose from though. So don't feel bad Vi_Bride!
> 
> 
> You know Dolly you can get help for that addiction!


Hey dolly, since my ex was a prude, i need to build up my collection i may PM you! Ha!


----------



## NoWhere

Well remember when looking through all those pics I was young and needed the money. So don't judge me!!!


----------



## Dollystanford

I don't need help thanks, I'd doing just fine on my own!


----------



## Ikaika

I'm thinking when the teacher gets back, you guys are all in trouble... It wasn't me who put up all this graffiti 

Honestly I miss reading Angel's blog right before I go to sleep. Monday, right?


----------



## Lon

vi_bride04 said:


> For Lon...a hot car and girls in yoga pants!


Angel's gonna love this one


----------



## jpr




----------



## jpr




----------



## Matt1720




----------



## jpr




----------



## Matt1720




----------



## OldGirl




----------



## OldGirl




----------



## Ikaika

Are we at less than 48 hours for Angel being in the penalty box? We have completely sullied her blog. I am not so sure she wants us back after this


----------



## Dollystanford

oh Drerio don't be ridiculous, she loves us all in our own special way and she will be delighted we are keeping her thread alive

Honestly, don't doubt yo'self!


----------



## Ikaika

I know you can read anonymously and hope you are... just waving to you. Hope you can come back soon from your detention. 

See I told you not to chew gum in the hallway. I hope in the time you have been away, you got yourself a tat to sport on your blog


----------



## Dollystanford

Juice Newton - Angel of the Morning


----------



## Lon

Real Life - Send Me An Angel (1983) - YouTube


----------



## Orpheus

Soft fuzzy sweaters (red no doubt) too magical too touch...


----------



## muskrat

I know I have gone for a little while, but what did I miss? How in the world did you get banned AP? Seriously, I think you are the most decent, caring person on these boards.
Hope all is going well and we will all hear from you soon.


----------



## Ikaika

muskrat said:


> I know I have gone for a little while, but what did I miss? How in the world did you get banned AP? Seriously, I think you are the most decent, caring person on these boards.
> Hope all is going well and we will all hear from you soon.


She was banned for a week... I am with you, I don't understand either, however if my timeline is right she should be back tomorrow.


----------



## Stella Moon

*heavy sigh...


----------



## Matt1720

I heard she killed a man in reno, just to watch him die...


----------



## Dollystanford

Angel, yesterday:

On the Inside


----------



## Dollystanford

She's back - wake up woman!!


----------



## angelpixie

Whew! It was a tough week in T.A.M. prison. It really changes a person, being on the inside.


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## angelpixie




----------



## angelpixie




----------



## angelpixie




----------



## angelpixie




----------



## angelpixie

OK, so I'm no Ava Gardner, but I'm back to normal now.


----------



## K.C.

Woop, welcome back angel.


----------



## TBT

angelpixie said:


> Whew! It was a tough week in T.A.M. prison. It really changes a person, being on the inside.


:rofl: This is too cool Angel!! Welcome back!


----------



## vi_bride04

HI ANGEL!!!!!!!!!   

Welcome back. I'm sure you learned some pretty cool skills in the slammer....Can you teach me how to shank someone? LOL


----------



## angelpixie

Thank you to everyone who posted here, dedicated songs and rattled the bars along with me. No, I did not do the thing that caused me to get banned. I can understand how the mistake was made, but one of the other people involved and I both contacted TAM, and neither of us received a response. Yes, I think that was rude to both of us, yes I'm upset that I now have one strike and that it was longer than a normal first offense, but it's over, so I'll let it go.

Most of all, again, I just want to tell you all that it meant so much to me that you came on here and kept posting, and that you posted the things you did. And contrary to drerio's fear, I love you all and laughed like heck at you guys. I missed you all, and it was soooo frustrating not to be able to jump into the fray all week!

But, NOW -- it looks like I have a little cleaning up to do. All these sequins, wine bottles, feathers, and it looks like someone lost a pastie...

LON -- get over here and give me a hand. NOW :whip: (I'm wearing my black yoga pants...)


----------



## Eternal Embrace

Hooray!!!:smthumbup:

Welcome back, Angel-Cakes!!!

Oh how we have missed you!!!


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> But, NOW -- it looks like I have a little cleaning up to do. All these sequins, wine bottles, feathers, and it looks like someone lost a pastie...
> 
> LON -- get over here and give me a hand. NOW :whip: (I'm wearing my black yoga pants...)


Um Lon, I'd listen if I was you. This woman just got out of the slammer! She means busines!!!!


----------



## Lon

Angel what happened to you in jail, you look like you match your badass persona now! HOT!

Welcome back babe!


----------



## Ikaika

Welcome back Angel... I like that first pic.  Glad you had a laugh at the graffiti posts on you blog while you were away. Credit Dolly.


----------



## Lifescript

Welcome back Angel!!!!


----------



## Matt1720

Can I stop flagellating myself now?


----------



## angelpixie

I thought you liked it!  Besides, you were only using a wet noodle anyway.


----------



## Orpheus

hmm. red sweater. hmm.


----------



## Ikaika

Orpheus said:


> hmm. red sweater. hmm.


Better than an orange jump suit.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, time for a little update. 

I had a lot to keep me busy last week. Great discussion on healthy relationships at the Y. Cemented a lot of what I've been thinking already, and as always, it was great to hear the other women and the conclusions they're coming to as well. A few of us have had some experiences putting our new 'rules' into practice, and the discussion around that was interesting.

DS had another fencing lesson, and he's really enjoying that. I'd love to figure out a way to help him stay in it, but it's way pricey. That makes me sad. I'd be willing to come up with half the money, but I doubt his dad will, since he pleads poverty about everything as it is.

Taught my second class of STFC last week, too. This time it was all returning students, so that was a little scarier for me. I couldn't as easily fool people who've already had the class, lol. But they were really positive! Loved my music choices and even asked if they could have copies of what I'd used. :smthumbup: So that was a really nice confidence boost. 

My therapist is seriously considering disbanding our DBT group as she thinks we've reached the end of its usefulness. We've been through the materials twice, and it's becoming more automatic to use the skills. In IC, we're also stretching the time between appointments a little longer each time. This, in conjunction with dropping one of my meds, marks a really big turning point for me. It's a little scary to start tightrope walking without a net, but I'm really feeling more like they're check-in visits lately, and less like going in for things I really need help with. That's what it's supposed to be, isn't it? So that's a good thing. 

And...I found out the date of our hearing. February 14th. My lawyer's paralegal asked if there were any dates I wanted to avoid, but they only do the hearings on Thursdays. If I purposely avoided Valentine's Day, or the next Thursday (which is my birthday), it only serves to put off the resolution of this that much longer. As of now, Valentine's Day is just a date to me. He picked that date last year to tell me he'd decided to start dating again. *If* I'm ever in a relationship again, that will help to recreate Valentine's Day into something more enjoyable. As for now, as I said, it's just a date on the calendar, so I'll 'celebrate' it by wearing a killer dress and heels to court, going back to work, and popping open that bottle of Sauternes when I get home.


----------



## oncehisangel

*pops the cork*
welcome back dear angel......

theres going to be a few smacked bottoms around this ol' joint 
*double eyebrow lift*


----------



## angelpixie

Line forms to the right to get book-smacked by a librarian...


----------



## Forever Changed

Welcome back Angel!!!!!!

We have all missed you!


----------



## Lon

angelpixie said:


> OK, so I'm no Ava Gardner, but I'm back to normal now.


I love this photo of you Angel, beautiful!


----------



## angelpixie

Aww, thank you, sweetie.


----------



## bandit.45

Good to see you back Angel. Glad to hear the end of the tunnel is approaching.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, B. It's been a long, strange trip, but yep -- hopefully over soon. :smthumbup:


----------



## Stella Moon

Oh...hot damn....I think I just fell in love...


_I need a moment...._


----------



## angelpixie

Stella Moon said:


> Oh...hot damn....I think I just fell in love...
> 
> 
> _I need a moment...._



:rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Had to see NearlyEx today when we met with DS' teachers at school. He's been having some bully trouble with a kid who is known by the school to have some major emotional issues. They haven't been aware of how much trouble he's been giving DS, and we've been trying to help DS deal with it on his own. It's gotten to the point where that wasn't working, so we involved the teacher and counselor. I'm gratified to say that they are taking things much more seriously than when I was bullied in school. (But then, NearlyEx and I are taking it way more seriously than my parents, did, too -- that makes a difference, too, I think)

After the meeting, he came over so that we could talk to DS about the things we all came up with to try to help. 

As he was leaving, I asked if he received his letter informing him of the hearing date. He hadn't. I told him, and he was totally nonplussed. 'Oh, OK. Well, I'm really glad it will be over, and that it's all anti-climactic,' he says, smiling and in a very conversational tone. The end of a 12-year marriage following a 3 1/2-year courtship. Anti-climactic. OK. I guess that's one way to describe it. If you're a cyborg. I've gotten very good at just saying very little and showing very little emotion. There is no point in letting him know what I think or feel. 

Truth be told, I'm not sure what I feel. Why should I grieve for something that turned out to be a long, drawn-out mistake? As I've said before, were it not for DS, we'd have never lasted as long as we did, and there'd be no reason not to regret the whole thing, considering how it turned out. So, I feel sadness for the waste, and for the unrealized potential. 

I told him that I didn't want him there, but I'm not sure he'll comply. There's no reason for him to be there. I just want to tell him 'Unless you hear otherwise, consider yourself divorced on Feb. 14th.' It will be interesting to see if he can respect me enough to go along with that, or if he'll have to exert control like he did when he had to involve DS in finding out where I went on my weekend trip.

*******************

I also found out that once again, I gave him too much credit. A while back, he told me that he was going to volunteer for something at DS' school, which he hasn't ever done at this school. I thought maybe he was going to care...but deep down, I felt like it was just something he was doing to make himself look good to someone. I felt like that was unfair of me. 

Lo and behold, today I find out that what he's volunteering for didn't have anything to do with DS specifically. It was a chance for him to take photos of an event at DS' school -- to built his portfolio and to promote his business. It's an event that DS was eligible to participate in, but he didn't realize it. NearlyEx knew about the event, and I would have thought HE would have suggested that DS look into getting involved. We had to find out at our meeting that DS could have taken part. It wasn't til later on, at my house, that I realized that this was the thing NearlyEx was volunteering for. Again, totally self-involved. Didn't even think about it being DS' school, or an event DS would have been perfect for. Just thought of it as a way to get promo for his business with the bonus of looking like a great father. Sigh.

DS deserves so much better.


----------



## TBT

As you said,NE is totally self-involved.Calling the hearing and what it represents anti-climatic,along with some of the things he's said in the past show how self-absorbed he is....most people,even with only a modicum of selflessness,would make sure their brain was fully engaged before putting their mouth in gear in that situation.My ex was like that,and it's part of the reason my son has had very minimal contact with her over the last 8-10 years.As I've said before,down the road NE may be in for a rude awakening when it comes to your DS.


----------



## angelpixie

Sigh. Well, DS found out that he cannot, in fact, participate in the event his dad knew about. There was a deadline to sign up, and he missed it. It's a tough lesson for DS to make sure he brings things home to show us, but in this case, his dad knew and could have alerted us. THAT is what I'm truly upset about. 

I am realizing that I will have to become the pro-active parent and seek out this type of information, and not depend on him to always share things with me. He does with some things, but not all. 

And...posGF called me this morning because DS forgot his backpack at my place after all my exhortations to make sure he got his stuff packed up. _She_ came over and picked it up on _her_ way to drive DS to school. So....NearlyEx has already roped her into taking on this duty so he can sleep in, eh? History does indeed repeat itself. And I'm forced into more interaction with her. Groan.

It doesn't pay for me to get stressed or angry about it. I cannot change it, so it only hurts me to let it make me angry. She is in the picture. I will be dealing with her. Like...hmm...what's an apt comparison? Oh, I know: like the latent virus that causes cold sores. You know it's there, and you can't get rid of it, but every once in a while it becomes active and you have to deal with its ugliness. Perfect!  :rofl: I'm glad I can laugh about this now.


----------



## angelpixie

So while I was stalking TAM during my exile, I saw a few posters mention the Holmes Rahe scale and their fear of impending health-related doom. To quote another unnamed TAM'er, 'I call bullsh!t'. I took that test for events happening in my life in both 2011 and 2012. And I noticed that the scale didn't even have an entry for being a victim of a crime, which I was 3 times in 2012 (3 thefts) and once in 2011 (hit and run of my car). 

My 2011 score was a whopping 501. My 2012 score was 369. As evidenced by my posting this, I'm very much alive. No strokes, heart attacks, cancer...and I'm actually sick very, very seldom. Far less, in fact, than before the separation, moving, crime, etc. 

My take on this? Yes, these events are stressful as isolated events. But not all stress is bad. And lower-level stress that is ongoing for years and years is far more deleterious to physical and mental health. Practicing good self-care while going through the major events does much to ameliorate the damage they can do. This includes taking good care of your body, learning new coping skills, and removing whatever negativity it is in your power to remove. Removing the causes of the lower-level ongoing stress produces the same results. Being forced out of the marriage and my living arrangements (with all of the related mini-traumas) was extremely, extremely stressful. But it has resulted in me becoming the healthiest I've ever been. 

So take heart, high-scoring TAMers. You are an over-achiever on the stress test, but it's not a signal of your impending doom.


----------



## Orpheus

i'm almost certain you posted that so you could show that you topped Soca's and my scores.


----------



## NoWhere

Some people just handle stress better then others. Some people fall to pieces...


----------



## soca70

OK - a 501 would mean that you would be expecting a brain aneurysm in about 30 seconds . 

Will prizes be awarded?


----------



## NoWhere

I think so. I just scored over 500 myself and I'..............AHHHhhh! **thump**


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> i'm almost certain you posted that so you could show that you topped Soca's and my scores.


So that was your takeaway after all of my talk about taking control of yourself and not getting scared about silly test scores? 


I am über-competitive, yes, but that wasn't my reason.


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> Some people just handle stress better then others. Some people fall to pieces...



It is a skill that can be learned, grasshopper. I was not always the Zen mistress that I am now. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

soca70 said:


> OK - a 501 would mean that you would be expecting a brain aneurysm in about 30 seconds .
> 
> Will prizes be awarded?


I hope so. I apparently deserve one. I've held off my aneurysm for over a year now.


----------



## Orpheus

soca70 said:


> Will prizes be awarded?


posthumously.


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> Zen mistress


i guess that explains all the clamps, battery cables and extra namaste laying about.


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> i guess that explains all the clamps, battery cables and extra namaste laying about.


Mrroww, man-kitten.


----------



## Orpheus

I'm just lookin for a little RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR. You know, like ya do...


----------



## Dollystanford

does a man-kitten RAWWWWWWWR?


----------



## Orpheus

The metaphysics of Dolly.

Did she mean that Real Men need to RAAAAAAAAAAAAWR or that they need that from Real Women? Or is it not gender specific but a sort of primal yaup? 

It's one for the ages.


----------



## angelpixie

Good discussion group topic.


----------



## Dollystanford

Real men need RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR from real women

otherwise I would have put in the 'to' - I'm far too pedantic to have missed out such a key word


----------



## Orpheus

Man-Kitten wants Romance! Man-Kitten SCRATCH!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=aTLySbGoMX0


----------



## Dollystanford

Orpheus said:


> Man-Kitten wants Romance! Man-Kitten SCRATCH!!!!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=aTLySbGoMX0


that was, as we say over here, the dog's bollocks!


----------



## angelpixie

Le sigh. So sweet.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, I hate to spoil the mood of the previous posts, but...



I was supposed to meet NearlyEx and posGF, or as they are to be hereafter known, Fake Man and She-B!tch (thank you TAM friends for that contribution :rofl, at a little thrift store run by the local Catholic schools. I had a little feeling that they were going to be dropping off donations after they cleaned out the (formerly joint) storage unit last night, but I disregarded those feelings because we never donated things to religious stores before. But after they came and took DS with, I wandered around to do a little more shopping. This store is one I've frequented in the past, when my online shop was more active. I went into the far back, and lo and behold, there were things of 'ours,' including a portable laptop table. Something I could definitely use. And a bunch of other things, none of which were offered to me, all priced and ready to go out on the floor. I was pretty stunned, but considered it pretty par for the course at this point. In fact, I wondered if he donated there specifically _because_ I didn't go there as much anymore, and wouldn't be as likely to see he had given away the stuff. 

As it turned out, the manager was working. We know each other, but hadn't seen each other in a while. She asked what I'd been doing that I hadn't been in for so long, and I told her about the split and putting my business on hold. She said, 'Ohhhh, I _thought_ that was him. Who was that girl he was with?' I told her that was his gf, and she got bright red and burst out with 'You're sh!t---' then stopped because she realized she was in a church thrift store with crucifixes and statues of Mary all over. :rofl: 'She looks like she's 12 years old!' I told her about him dropping off things of ours without my knowledge, and she told me to go and take whatever I wanted from the pile. I took the table.  She was pretty disgusted with him, to say the least. So, I know the word will spread to the others that work there and know us. Some local justice, I guess. 

And I'm proud of myself for fixing some computer issues that have vexed me for days, coming to a head this evening. With minor help from Fake Man (who built the computer), basically verifying what I already figured out. Go, me! :smthumbup:

Celebrating with a bubble bath and music playing on my (now working) computer, followed by a snuggle on my sofa and more Arrested Development. I feel an odd sense of contentment.


----------



## vi_bride04

You rock, angel 

Sorry to hear about your stuff being at the thrist store but I'm chuckling about how the manager reacted...lol


----------



## angelpixie

I know, vi. I'm allowing myself a limited period of gloating.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I know, vi. I'm allowing myself a limited period of gloating.


makes you wonder if you should peruse CL to see what he might be selling.


----------



## angelpixie

Good idea. I know there are a few things of his that he had talked about selling. If he does, then I can use that as evidence of why he can't delay his repayments to me (which he's already trying to do). Thanks!


----------



## Orpheus

Man-Kitten approves. Charities being charitable. AP sleuthing things out in time for a Hail Mary. And Beniffer continuing to play out their retarded ballet. 

RAAAAAAWWWR
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> Man-Kitten approves. Charities being charitable. AP sleuthing things out in time for a Hail Mary. And *Beniffer* continuing to play out their retarded ballet.
> 
> RAAAAAAWWWR
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL on the Bennifer -- but, no -- J-lo has a _much _better ass.

And RAAAAAAAAWWWR right back atcha!


----------



## angelpixie

I love my STFC teacher, I really do. But I swear. to. god. if I have to hear 'Moves Like Jagger' or 'If I was your boyfriend' one more fvcking time during class, I'm going to smash my high heels right into the plate glass mirrors. 

Everyone loved the music I brought when I taught the class. How do I subtly suggest that maybe she should mix it up a bit? It's totally different from what she plays. I think I posted the playlist here before I taught the first time, plus I added a couple others. For example, I think 'Feeling Love' by Paula Cole is *exponentially* better as a lap-dance song than the Biebster. Ugh. I'm going to make throw-up noises like DS does.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I love my STFC teacher, I really do. But I swear. to. god. if I have to hear 'Moves Like Jagger' or 'If I was your boyfriend' one more fvcking time during class, I'm going to smash my high heels right into the plate glass mirrors.
> 
> Everyone loved the music I brought when I taught the class. How do I subtly suggest that maybe she should mix it up a bit? It's totally different from what she plays. I think I posted the playlist here before I taught the first time, plus I added a couple others. For example, I think 'Feeling Love' by Paula Cole is *exponentially* better as a lap-dance song than the Biebster. Ugh. I'm going to make throw-up noises like DS does.


http://youtu.be/VyD8hkSbCRs


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> Maroon 5 - Moves Like Jagger PARODY! Key of Awesome #46 - YouTube


LOL, D. Thanks! :rofl:


----------



## Man-Kitten

No STFC would be complete without...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGnYu8cgViA


----------



## angelpixie

I, er, ah....hmm...that's.......well, then.









No, the more I think of it, it's actually more like


----------



## SpunkySpunky

Ugh I had the same problem with my Burlesque, it's always "Dont Cha wish your girlfriend was hawt like meeeee, DONT CHA" Ugh.


I just told her I wanted to learn to dance to a different song


----------



## soca70

I have no idea what STFC is but this video is hilarious.




Man-Kitten said:


> No STFC would be complete without...
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGnYu8cgViA


----------



## HappyKaty

Man-Kitten said:


> No STFC would be complete without...
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGnYu8cgViA


Laughing. my. a*s. off.

:rofl:


----------



## Orpheus

speaking of teaches of peaches, AP... this if from last night's Trixie Whitley show. It was in-the-round so almost everyone had this distance. I was about 10' to the right of the piano from here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcbQWwROn2s

the other two videos by this uploader are also very good. cheers.


----------



## angelpixie

SpunkySpunky said:


> Ugh I had the same problem with my Burlesque, it's always "Dont Cha wish your girlfriend was hawt like meeeee, DONT CHA" Ugh.
> 
> 
> I just told her I wanted to learn to dance to a different song


Yeah, that song could be particularly problematic for some of us.  Not very sensitive in her music choice, was she?



soca70 said:


> I have no idea what STFC is but this video is hilarious.


STFC -- Strip Tease Fitness Class. I've been taking it for about 11 months now. Combo of pilates and dance...with some strip tease-y type stuff thrown in.


----------



## SpunkySpunky

angelpixie said:


> Yeah, that song could be particularly problematic for some of us.  Not very sensitive in her music choice, was she?


I know, right?



Not only that, but the song gets soooo annoying.


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> speaking of teaches of peaches, AP... this if from last night's Trixie Whitley show. It was in-the-round so almost everyone had this distance. I was about 10' to the right of the piano from here:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcbQWwROn2s
> 
> the other two videos by this uploader are also very good. cheers.



Great vids, hon, thank you!! Looks like it was an awesome show. I'm glad you went. 




Incidentally, the name of the club is the nom de plume that posGF uses all the time for email, etsy, etc. No escaping. Sigh.


----------



## Orpheus

yay. everybody wins. somehow even Beniffer gets in on the act. and: Scene!


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmm. Snarkitude. Not enough RAAAAAWWWRR in your diet lately?


----------



## angelpixie

Ask, and ye shall receive.

After noting that I wasn't asked if I wanted particular things before they were donated, I've been bombarded with texts asking me if I want various things from the actual house. Things I could use and won't then have to buy later. Big things. Things I have no room for, but which are currently stored in the attic, basement crawlspace or in closets in the other house. In other words, not in their way whatsoever.

It's obvious manipulation, and I'm not emotionally up to it today. Fine. I'll just haul my ass out there, stuff them in the Subi, bring them here and find some corner I can shove them in. 

I had to somewhat beg (blecch) him to keep the paint I'm taking until either the weather warms up or I move, whichever comes first. It will be ruined if I have to put it in the garage or my storage unit during the winter. He graciously agreed. So grateful.

Not in a very good place for some reason today, and this isn't helping. I just want to tell him to leave me alone. Not just today, but forever. Too bad that's just not possible.


----------



## Orpheus

chin up, sour flower. getting the call is better than not getting it.


----------



## angelpixie

I know. I guess it's the knowledge of what's behind it. Not genuine niceness, more like 'You're pissed that I didn't offer? OK, I will offer you every. f'ing. thing I want to get rid of. And if you want it, you'd better take it now.' I'm just tired. KWIM? Sorry. Won't complain anymore.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> I know. I guess it's the knowledge of what's behind it. Not genuine niceness, more like 'You're pissed that I didn't offer? OK, I will offer you every. f'ing. thing I want to get rid of. And if you want it, you'd better take it now.' I'm just tired. KWIM? Sorry. Won't complain anymore.


Don't appologize Angel....

Of course you don't want to deal with it. Its manipulation and an effort to make you feel like crap. His "mom" is probably yelling at him to "clean his room" so he's just trying to get you to take stuff - ya know, less responsibility for him. 

At least you recognize it and are dealing with it. And why not tell him to leave you alone forever? Oh wait, he probably wouldn't be able to comprehend why you don't want to deal with his 'awesomeness' lol


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, vi.  Believe me, if we didn't share DS, he'd already have been removed like a tumor.


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> I just want to tell him to leave me alone. Not just today, but forever. Too bad that's just not possible.


Yesh that's the kicker


----------



## angelpixie

Listening to a youtube playlist I haven't heard in a few months. Healing power of music, and all that.  

I'd love to add this to the STFC playlist (works well as a practice tune at home). But if I was a little worried that my teacher would find Feelin' Love too explicit (yeah, I know), then I'd be quite nervous about this one.







(Song's only 3+ minutes. Not sure why the video file was made so long. )

Elysian Fields -- Bend Your Mind. 

Enjoy.


----------



## K.C.

I think there is something in the air today angel.


----------



## angelpixie

Join us in the Five Letter thread, K.C. It's been cheering me up a bit. Distraction is your friend, sweetie. Sometimes it's all you can do.


----------



## angelpixie

Took DS out to his dad's so that I could also pick up the stuff. I carried the first bit into the car, and when I was pushing it in through the tailgate, it got caught on the folded-down back seat. I had to go in through the back seat and lift it up. NearlyEx brought out the 2nd one, and when he pushed his in, it also caught on the upholstery. I said 'Wait - it's caught on the seat back -- I'll get it from the front' as I was running round to open the passenger door. Instead, he just kept shoving it until it pulled up the upholstery. Didn't apologize or anything. I just didn't know what to say. Yes, I know my car is the crappier one, but jeebus, do you have to add to it? Fvcktard. 

I'm going to the gym. There's a treadmill with my name on it, and I'm going to imagine his face and puny man-parts on the belt.  

TTYL, kids.


----------



## angelpixie

Gym felt good. Took a look at the classes they offer, and am mystified the majority are during the weekdays. Do they figure that not many women have jobs? :scratchhead: There's not much that fits my schedule, but I did see that there's a yoga class tomorrow morning that I'd have time to take before I have to go get DS for the day. If I can get my ass out of bed early enough, I'm going to try it. 

I also just realized that all I've had today is 2 cups of coffee, a can of diet coke, and a bottle of water. Haven't even been hungry, not even after working out. Hmm. Body -- what's up?


----------



## angelpixie

Welllll, so much for that plan. I think there's something wrong with my phone. Even though I checked the settings, I wasn't getting text notifications yesterday, and this morning my alarm didn't go off, so I missed my yoga class.  Since I'm all cute in yoga pants and T anyway, I'll still head on down to the gym for a workout on the weights. 

Trying to perk up. At least the sun is shining today. I have contra tonight. But for the first time ever, I'm considering not going. Given an excuse, I'd probably just stay home. *Danger, Will Robinson.* I hope DS doesn't hassle me to stay home, or I might give in. Gotta get out of this deep blue funk somehow.


----------



## bandit.45

You're not going dancing tonight?

Wow...you are blue.


----------



## Lifescript

Go dancing. No matter what. It will take you out of this funk.


----------



## Dollystanford

Angel I demand you go, you know you'll be glad you've done it once you get there. Drunk TruthDolly is here and she'll spank your ass if you don't


----------



## bandit.45

Dollystanford said:


> Angel I demand you go, you know you'll be glad you've done it once you get there. Drunk TruthDolly is here and she'll spank your ass if you don't


Pics please...if you do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

bandit.45 said:


> Pics please...if you do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't forget the cute yoga pants


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, guys. I'm feeling a little better. Trod the treadmill and did the weight circuit twice. It's only 34 degrees out, but with the sunshine and working out, I didn't even wear my coat in the car to go get DS. (My car has a dark grey interior, and starts getting warm when it sits in the sun even in winter, lol) It is a beautiful day. 

Trying to hang on to this feeling as long as I can. Still no appetite today, though. I guess that's not such a bad thing. I won't replace whatever calories I just burned off. :smthumbup: 

Had a little realization this morning re NearlyEx and how he treats me. Just because he has a 'happy' homelife with gf and ds, and is nice to friends and clients does not mean he's changing towards me. He was nice to other people when he was abusive to me before. There's nothing that has happened to change anything there. He has neither owned up to that, nor, of course, tried to change it or make amends. Therefore, he will continue to treat me as crappily as he used to, when he can get away with it. Like when nobody else is around and we're loading things into my car, for example. When I'm back to feeling stronger, I'll have an easier time seeing that type of thing for what it is, as it's happening. 

He bought some reeds for DS' sax. He asked if I wanted to contribute. I told him that since I'd bought DS' jacket, snowpants, boots, 2 pairs of ski gloves, some shirts and the shoes he's wearing for fencing class, I would decline. He didn't have an answer for that. We both get the exact same amount every month. He seriously wants me to split the cost of a box of reeds?

And I have to say -- when she answered the door this morning, I smiled and said hello, and she immediately looked at the bod. 'Oh, you've been to the gym' blurted out of her mouth.  I know in the major course of the universe that doesn't mean anything, but for that single moment, it made me go 'Yesss!!!' inside.


----------



## bandit.45

Betcha Trampire will gain a 100 pounds over next few years. Just a prediction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

I don't know. She's pretty damned vain. And she's a runner. I've never seen her mom -- that might be a good predictor.


----------



## bandit.45

Look, as Chinless gets older and his spare tire grows and his pecs turn into moobs, the skank will dump him and trade him in for a younger model. 

Just keep reminding yourself of that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jpr

Yeah...I agree with Bandit.

I think that the Trampire will dump Chinless within a year. ...once she finds someone better. Someone "hipper" who actually has an income.

She is a user....just like him. They deserve the misery and heartbreak that they will eventually inflict on each other.


----------



## Dollystanford

of course she will - what has he actually got to offer? seriously? no job, no prospects, no chin

damn that dog don't hunt!


----------



## bandit.45

Dollystanford said:


> of course she will - what has he actually got to offer? seriously? no job, no prospects, no chin
> 
> damn that dog don't hunt!


Send doggie to the pound....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

My feet were figuratively pounding him on the treadmill yesterday and today. Does that count?


----------



## angelpixie

bandit.45 said:


> Look, as Chinless gets older and *his spare tire grows and his pecs turn into moobs*, the skank will dump him and trade him in for a younger model.
> 
> Just keep reminding yourself of that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, you've met his dad and grandpa? :rofl: Oh, snap!


----------



## bandit.45

Ouch!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coachman

Dollystanford said:


> of course she will - what has he actually got to offer? seriously? no job, no prospects, no chin
> 
> damn that dog don't hunt!


Ha..just spit out my drink on that one. Classic


----------



## K.C.

So glad you are doing a bit better angel.

I really wanted to post some support but it all seemed so trite as you always seem so much stronger and better adjusted to things than I am. I look to your posts for help so felt out of place to try and say something that others were saying better anyway. Was thinking of you though. You are an inspiration and the fact it is hard for you still at times just tells me how amazing you are and how blessed we are to have you here with us.


----------



## angelpixie

You're a sweetheart, K.C. I hope you're feeling better today, too!


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> He bought some reeds for DS' sax. He asked if I wanted to contribute.


What sax does DS play? I took one of my sons today to buy Coltrane sheet music today for my alto.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, he's just started, soca. He plays alto sax. It's gonna be a while til he's playing Coltrane -- we were pretty impressed with Jingle Bells at the Christmas concert, lol.


----------



## angelpixie

I went to contra. It was amazing. We danced at a different place than we usually do -- a place with an actual dance floor, tables & chairs, etc. Had a fantastic band from Maine that played a month ago, too. I was shocked that people asked where I was two weeks ago -- I truly didn't think anyone would notice that I wasn't there! I was complimented on my outfit, even though it was just a skirt & top, and there were so many other women who looked just as nice. I got asked to dance every dance. It's like everybody knew I needed just a little boost, or something. 
DS was an angel, and we got to dance our waltz, too.  But holy buckets, are my feet sore!! 

It was just so great. Of course, I'm really glad I went. Thanks for your encouragement, everybody. Sometimes you just have to force yourself.


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> I got asked to dance every dance.


hm.


----------



## TBT

angelpixie said:


> I was shocked that people asked where I was two weeks ago -- I truly didn't think anyone would notice that I wasn't there! .


You don't give yourself enough credit Angel.


----------



## Dollystanford

For god's sake woman, they were probably all thinking 'where's the fox in the vintage'? You clearly don't fade into the background nearly as much as you think. I would do a *finger snap* but I fear it might be 'too much'


----------



## MesmerEyes

I just spent the last week reading through your blog from start to finish. All 187 pages.

As you know, I have no idea where my own marriage is or isn't going at the moment. But, I hope that whatever happens, I can learn to grow into a woman who has even half of your strength and grace. 

We have quite a few amazing women here at TAM, and you Angel, are one of the most.


----------



## angelpixie

Thank you, MesmerEyes. I don't think I deserve that, really. You're right, though, there are a lot of amazing women on TAM (OK, and men, too.  )

******************************

Well, Crappy Monday, everyone!! No heat all evening and night last night. Grrr. I think it's really toast (bahaha) this time. Even after I light the pilot, the jets don't come on unless the thermostat is alllll the way up, and it doesn't stay on but 5-10 minutes. I lost count of how many time I lit it. I guess I do have to call the rental agency. I hate, hate, hate having them over, but I'll ask them do it when I'm home, so hopefully it will be this afternoon. DS is back with me tomorrow, and it's only in the low-40s for highs, so way too cold for no heat.


----------



## angelpixie

Missed a call from NearlyEx. Just listened to his voicemail. Very tight voice, trying not to sound pissed. 'Yes, hello. I just opened the letter from your lawyer with the announcement of the hearing. It says that one witness will be called. (clears throat) Um, would you mind telling me who this 'witness' is? I am very interested in hearing. Thank you.' 

ME, d!ckhead, the witness is ME. Someone has to stand there and verify that we've been state residents x amount of time, filled out the papers correctly, got our property and parenting plans together, and most importantly to testify that the marriage is 'irretrievably broken.' Just think before you go off half-c0cked. And I don't do the whole blind-siding thing, either. You know that.

Jeezus, project much?  Very grateful I didn't hear the phone ring.


----------



## vi_bride04

Hahaha well since he is really wanting to know an answer to who the "witness" is...just let him hang for awhile. Don't reply, don't call him, don't answer his question...ya know, how he has delayed how many things that were important to you or DS for days on end?? Make him sweat a little....

So let me guess, he thinks you called trampire to the stand? Why would that be an issue??

:rofl: :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

No, I don't think he thinks it's the trampire, I think he's afraid it's someone from my DV group or my therapist or something. Or someone to testify that he was an a$shole when it came to the money settlement. Something that would make him look like a 'bad person.'


----------



## SpunkySpunky

angelpixie said:


> No, I don't think he thinks it's the trampire, I think he's afraid it's someone from my DV group or my therapist or something. Or someone to testify that he was an a$shole when it came to the money settlement. Something that would make him look like a 'bad person.'


dingdingding.:smthumbup:



:FIREdevil: Don't answer him for awhile and make him sufffahhhh. :FIREdevil:


----------



## K.C.

:lol::rofl: Spunky, you have a mean side! 

His concerns aren't yours anymore Angel. i don't think I would be in a rush to enlighten him. He hasn't been in any rush for you has he.


----------



## bandit.45

Chinless is so predictable it's almost sad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dollystanford

Oh my days someone needs to tell His Assholiness that he is not the centre of the universe...but not yet

Let that f*cker sweat, in fact I would wait until he calls you again. I'm sick of him and his attitude


----------



## Orpheus

you aren't beniffer. call him and tell him. not to put him out of his misery but to put you out of yours. you already carry too much of his weight. continue to minimize him in your life.

i would guess from what little you've told me that he's less interested in character assassination and more interested that he missed something in the document revisions and that the "witness" is there to corroborate that.


----------



## vi_bride04

SpunkySpunky said:


> dingdingding.:smthumbup:
> 
> 
> :FIREdevil: Don't answer him for awhile and make him sufffahhhh. :FIREdevil:





K.C. said:


> His concerns aren't yours anymore Angel. i don't think I would be in a rush to enlighten him. He hasn't been in any rush for you has he.





Dollystanford said:


> Let that f*cker sweat, in fact I would wait until he calls you again. I'm sick of him and his attitude


:iagree:

I think even returning his call in the next few hours would confirm in his mind that he is the center of the universe and still has the ability to push Angel around with his "intimidation" tactics that used to work in the past. 

Ignoring him is best for now.


----------



## angelpixie

Believe me, I was sorely tempted to let him suffer. But before I left the house, I sent a short text that I will be there dotting the i's and crossing the t's. No blind-siding involved, and I'm tired of the intimations of such. Maybe I didn't need to add that last part, but whatevs. He knows I'm on to him, at least.

His Drama Mama routine is waaaay past old. I guess I thought he was more intelligent, or that he'd at least seen enough TV courtroom dramas to be able to figure it out. I'm fed up with being portrayed incorrectly and defending myself as not doing the things _he's_ done. 

*******************

On a much brighter note, all thanks and praise to the Parking Gods, who got me a spot right next to the library, even though I was running late-ish this a.m. Absolutely unheard of on a Monday morning after 9, especially when it's rainy. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Oh my days someone needs to tell *His Assholiness* that he is not the centre of the universe...but not yet
> 
> Let that f*cker sweat, in fact I would wait until he calls you again. I'm sick of him and his attitude


----------



## Dollystanford

Actually on further pondering you should listen to the grown up (that's Orpheus - I know right??!)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Actually on further pondering you should listen to the grown up (that's Orpheus - I know right??!)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is it?


----------



## angelpixie

After hearing a cut from this on the radio, I find I am in need of some Peter Gabriel this morning. 

Peter Gabriel - So (Whole Album) (HQ) - YouTube


----------



## Orpheus

That's the album Lanois spent a year producing. and on a similar note: Singer-songwriter Trixie Whitley Hates Singer-songwriters - - Music - New York - Village Voice


----------



## angelpixie

Yes -- I loved his work on Robbie Robertson's debut, too (dovetails nicely with So, in fact).


----------



## angelpixie

What? The entire 'Security' album is not available in 'my country'. WTF? 

Ooooh -- that reminds me. I wonder if you-know-who sold my German language import of that album. I'll have to look for that when I get home. If he did I will be surely pissed. issed:


----------



## angelpixie

Just found something meaningful to do on Valentine's/Emancipation Day and evening. Someone mentioned this at contra the other night, so I checked it out. Practice starts tonight, and I don't have to go to all of them, which is good, because my schedule doesn't allow it. 

I see on the FB page that some of my friends from contra and my DV group at the Y will be there, too. So, I won't be doing it among strangers, either.

Flash mob dance done in concert with others around the world to bring awareness to a despicable fact of life for many (not just women)? What's not to







?


----------



## angelpixie

Well, though it was a mistake, one of those things many of us dread happened this afternoon. DS came over after school, and we discussed the time an event of his starts tomorrow. He told me, then said, 'I already told my parents.' Meaning NearlyEx and posGF. I thought I would throw up. I stayed calm & normal til he got his coat off, then went back into the LR to work on the heater -- and get a few deep breaths. I know he regrets saying it, because he was extra sweet while he was here.

Thing is, this isn't the first time. A couple nights ago, during our phone call (in front of them), he referred to her as 'Mom.' I asked him after he was here a while if he is starting to think of her more like a mom and less like just Dad's gf. He said he doesn't think of her as Mom, just as a step-mom. I'm not sure what that means to a 10 year old. I do know he's not complaining about going there anymore. I want him to be happy. He's a lovable little boy. I just hoped to be his only mom. Working on processing this. I'm not the first parent this has happened to, I know. But it doesn't make me feel any better at this point.

Right then. Off to dance mob practice. Later, 'taters.


----------



## Orpheus

well, that sucks. but on the other hand, it's good for him that he's trying to assert what he understands as normalcy. and if she lets him call her mom then it means she's beginning to accept some responsibility for him on that end of things.

doesn't take the sting out it though.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, O. When my mind clears from whatever else is keeping me busy at the moment, I remember what happened today, and lots of negative thoughts start to pop up. I'm doing a good job of short-circuiting them, I think. Going to dance was just what I needed. I wish it could have gone on longer, actually. It's a piece choreographed by Debbie Allen, so that's kind of cool. 

To respond to something you said, and a point that worries me -- she's specifically said she does not want kids, and that she has no desire to be DS' step-mom. If that's changed, I don't know. I don't want him to develop an attachment to someone in that type of situation. That could be painful for him, too. 

Sigh. It does suck, doesn't it?


----------



## Orpheus

yes, well... the flip side is that it is eating away at her. 

this is another opportunity for you to educate DS about his confusion about beniffer. that she's just his girlfriend. maybe some day that will change. that calling her "that" might be convenient for him but that it isn't correct.


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> yes, well... the flip side is that it is eating away at her.


You think so? What makes you think that? 



Orpheus said:


> this is another opportunity for you to educate DS about his confusion about beniffer. that she's just his girlfriend. maybe some day that will change. that calling her "that" might be convenient for him but that it isn't correct.


Yes. That's been confusing territory for the poor kid. He held on to the hope that her moving in was temporary, since they weren't getting married. I had to kind of explain that sometimes people live together as if they were married, and that for some people, it can last a long time. We don't know how it will be for his dad. We'll just have to see. (I'm basing this on what his dad is telling me, btw) So then, I think he's gotten used to _that_ model, and assumes that she'll have the role of step-mom, too, as long as she's living there with his dad. Stinky kettle of fish.


----------



## angelpixie

Trying to make more space on the computer tonight, so I'm clearing out a bunch of NearlyEx's stuff. How many hundreds of pictures of his freaking fish did he need to have, for crying out loud?!?!  

But the upside is that I found a few of my favorites of DS that I've been looking for. Thank you for indulging me.  Well, I guess this is my thread, after all.

We were going to offer this one to the University radio station if they wanted it for promo work. We didn't think they'd mind that he had food on his face. It's only college radio, after all. 










This one was him dancing to a street musician when we were at the farmers' market in town. He's not quite 3 here.










And I can't get enough of this one, with the miniature hiking boots:


----------



## TBT

Pictures are great Angel! He looks so happy dancing...must take after his momma.I'm happy for you that you found them.


----------



## K.C.

Those pics are great.

Stbxh should be the one taking responsibility for DS relationship with 'her' and sorry but there is no way on earth he should be calling her that imo. Even if she was into the idea of being step-mom, he has a Mum and a great one at that. He doesn't need two and I can only imagine it causing confusion for him.

Don't really know how you can handle it? When I got with Mrs.C, our eldest was 2 and half and his 'dad' was still around. I have always treated the eldest as mine but to this day he doesn't call me Dad and although I am his Dad in every sense of the word, i have never pushed it. Sometimes it hurts as his biological Dad is a POS and barely gives a toss.

I really don't think stbxh or posow should be encouraging 'mom' talk at all.


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Just found something meaningful to do on Valentine's/Emancipation Day and evening. Someone mentioned this at contra the other night, so I checked it out. Practice starts tonight, and I don't have to go to all of them, which is good, because my schedule doesn't allow it.
> 
> I see on the FB page that some of my friends from contra and my DV group at the Y will be there, too. So, I won't be doing it among strangers, either.
> 
> Flash mob dance done in concert with others around the world to bring awareness to a despicable fact of life for many (not just women)? What's not to
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ?


*Sounds great; I'll be there in spirit. Wish you could get someone to video it.*



angelpixie said:


> This one was him dancing to a street musician when we were at the farmers' market in town. He's not quite 3 here.


*I just LOVE this one!*


----------



## Ikaika

I remember some years back when Valentine's Day fell on a Saturday my wife and I participated in a dance-a-thon to raise money for American Hearth Association. Best Valentine's Day we ever had. I got to break out my white guy-over bite dance moves and we both got exercise for a good cause. 

http://youtu.be/2bH0OXsmsbQ

We have since then tried to avoid the commercialized notion of this day. I think this is great Angel.


----------



## angelpixie

That's great, drerio! I really like your idea of doing something together, that's also meaningful. Sharing time together, doing something you care about is so much better than the usual trite observances.

And your Hitch video made me laugh. I hope I didn't look like that last night.  :rofl: There wasn't a big group at rehearsal last night, and everyone but me was involved with the Dance Dept. at the U. or dance groups around town. I felt really self-conscious at first, but they were all really nice and positive, and it wasn't too long before I was feeling less fearful about doing things 'wrong' and was just able to enjoy myself. Amazingly, my dancing got better too.  

I think that's a metaphor for me. _*Stop being so afraid of doing things wrong.*_ So I mess up -- the world isn't going to end. The opposite was drummed into my head for so long that it's still going to just take episodes of jumping in with both feet to get over it. Scary and exciting at the same time. :smthumbup:


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> That's great, drerio! I really like your idea of doing something together, that's also meaningful. Sharing time together, doing something you care about is so much better than the usual trite observances.
> 
> *And your Hitch video made me laugh.* I hope I didn't look like that last night.  :rofl: There wasn't a big group at rehearsal last night, and everyone but me was involved with the Dance Dept. at the U. or dance groups around town. I felt really self-conscious at first, but they were all really nice and positive, and it wasn't too long before I was feeling less fearful about doing things 'wrong' and was just able to enjoy myself. Amazingly, my dancing got better too.
> 
> I think that's a metaphor for me. _*Stop being so afraid of doing things wrong.*_ So I mess up -- the world isn't going to end. *The opposite was drummed into my head for so long that it's still going to just take episodes of jumping in with both feet to get over it*. Scary and exciting at the same time. :smthumbup:


That was a really funny video - I need to watch more funny videos and look at pictures of beautiful babies (like angel's and drerio's) to get out of this funk. My husband escaped to his study to get away from me last night. I guess I can't blame him; you can only take so much of being around someone who's depressed.
_
"Stop being so afraid of doing things wrong...jump in with both feet..."_ reminded me of what my sister's psychiatrist told her - he said, "You can't be afraid to let your ass flap in the wind." Quite a visual


----------



## angelpixie

Hahaha -- that's hilarious, OG. Now that will make me feel all self-conscious again, lol. 

I'm sorry you're feeling so blue, OG. I'll see if I can think of something to send you to cheer you up. Give me a few minutes, then check your PMs...


----------



## angelpixie

Well, DS made it to the final 7 spellers of the 5th grade. I knew he'd do great with the actual words because his vocabulary tests beyond 12th grade, but if he missed it would be from going too fast or being nervous. Sure enough. The word was 'creepy.' Easy peasy, right?

c-r-e-p...and as soon as he started to even make the 'p' sound, he knew he messed up and left the stage. He came over to me, put his head in my lap and said 'Mom, I got my creepy and my crappy mixed up.' That line will go down in family history, no doubt. I'm really proud of him, and he was not at all upset that he missed the word and couldn't finish. We had a good laugh and a big hug. They actually didn't finish the bee before the end of the day, the first time ever, but decided to finish since the remaining contestants had parents there to give them rides home. Brick was in the final 6, btw. DS stayed with The Photographers, who came with their matching ski jackets and camera bags. (where's the barfy icon when you need it?) 

But I will have to remember this: when he needed comforting, who did he run to for hugs? Mom. Sigh.


----------



## Dollystanford

oh myyyyyy - Kimye are all matchy matchy are they? How hilarious


----------



## jpr




----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> DS stayed with The Photographers, who came with their matching ski jackets and camera bags. (where's the barfy icon when you need it?)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *But I will have to remember this: when he needed comforting, who did he run to for hugs? Mom. Sigh*.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> angelpixie said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Of course *
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...


----------



## Orpheus




----------



## angelpixie

OMG, jpr and O -- those are awesome! :rofl:

Truth be told, aside from things that come up like the 'Who's the witness?' game, and the making me take stuff when I wasn't ready to, dealing with them on a face-to-face basis is not nearly as hard as it once was. I genuinely feel nothing in terms of pain or sadness or any of those types of emotions anymore. Today at the bee, I was sitting in the 2nd row of the bleachers myself, looking down at my phone, and I heard a friendly "Oh, it's you!! We almost walked right past you!" Of course it was them. We just chatted like we were neighbors, or if I'd run into Brick's parents. Same thing when I had to go. I can chat and laugh and not feel anything bad. Of course when they do ridiculous things like wear vintage clothes that are the wrong size, or matching outfits, that helps a lot. 

It seems very surreal to me. I never thought I could get to this point with someone I once loved more than anyone. But it's happened. OMG -- do you think? does that mean? Oh, god, no -- we'll be FRIENDS someday?!?!?! Now I need a drink. But I can't. Have to be sober at group.  :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## Orpheus

Look at you wearing your big girl pants. I'm so proud of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Dressing alike? ha....someone is insecure in that relationship.....LOL


----------



## Orpheus




----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: Angel's Journal/blog*



Orpheus said:


>


The balder one is the h?


----------



## Orpheus

I know! Talk about eroded boundaries.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SpunkySpunky

I wanted to do it tooooo.


----------



## angelpixie

I just want to quarantine it before it spreads


----------



## angelpixie

or god forbid


----------



## angelpixie

The rum is gone.


----------



## nice777guy

angelpixie said:


> The rum is gone.


I'm so, sooo sorry...!!!


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, Nice. I know.


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## angelpixie

Thanks for the sartorial snickers, everyone. I guess I can be proud that during the course of our relationship, we never wore matching outfits. (I will exempt the times our University team was in a championship game and our respective jobs required us to wear school colors)

Didn't get my mixer or toaster last night. Truth be told, I was running late to meet them and I forgot all about it til they'd gone. But they obviously hadn't brought it with. They probably just forgot, too. They were in the car waiting out front of the Y when I drove up. A few of my friends later asked if she was the OW. They said (again) that she looks like a 12 year old, but one said she had a sweet face. She felt she should say hi and be nice, seeing as she'll probably be joining our group eventually, haha. Interestingly, multiple people mentioned how every time they see NearlyEx he's slouching or slumping. It's true -- I hadn't realized it. He's 6' tall, but there are a lot of times that I felt like I was almost looking eye-to-eye with him, and I'm only 5' 4 1/2" (yes, that last 1/2" is important ). I was just kind of surprised at all of the analysis of them last night, haha. I wonder if the two of them realized it. 

DS has taken to speaking in haiku, which I find hilarious. And he and his friend have naturally taken on the role of being 'mentors' to the younger boys in the group, including a couple with real behavior issues. They work together as a team, they're patient, and it's just really great to observe. There was jello for dessert last night, which excited them all to no end, for some reason, and they were trying to encourage the little boys to eat all their veggies so they would be able to have their jello. We moms were just sitting back and kind of amazed. They got them to do it, too! DS' friend has a younger brother, but of course DS is a singleton. This group is turning out to be positive in so many ways.

It's also good for the odd embarrassing laugh, too. During dinner, I was talking to one woman about the dance thing I'm participating in. It gets quite noisy with everyone talking and kids playing, so I had to raise my voice just a little for her to hear me. Of course, as Murphy's Law would have it, _just_ as I'm about to say the name of one of the programs at which we'll be performing, it goes totally silent, and my voice rings out clearly 'VAGINA... mono...logues' The reactions from the moms ranged from gasps to giggles, depending on how old their kids were. The sister of DS' friend, who just turned 12, turned all red, "I can't believe you just SAID that," she said, giggling. I started laughing and said 'Oh YEAH, I just said that' I mean, it's not a dirty word, right? 

And my son? The ONLY person in the room who was totally nonplussed. Just kept chatting to his somewhat stunned friend about legos or minecraft or whatever they were talking about. As if we often chat about vaginas at home, or I randomly blurt out the word from time to time and he's just used to it. I'm still kind of puzzled by that. 

It was a fun meeting. Ladies we hadn't seen in a while came, including two retired ladies who became inseparable best friends when they met at the group. One of them was just busting to announce that she's started dating. Blushed and everything. She's sweet and adorable, and I'm so happy for her. So, if someone who's nearly 70 can start dating again, I _guess_ there's hope for me, right?


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> . He's 6' tall, but there are a lot of times that I felt like I was almost looking eye-to-eye with him, and I'm only 5' 4 1/2" (yes, that last 1/2" is important ).


Hey, at 5' 3 1/2" - I will agree that YES THAT 1/2" IS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!! 

Sounds like you are having a better and stronger day today, Angel. :smthumbup:


----------



## K.C.

Angel is back!

:yay: :woohoo: :yay:

Sounds like a great group. Just don't become the vagina lady!


----------



## angelpixie

K.C. said:


> Angel is back!
> 
> :yay: :woohoo: :yay:
> 
> Sounds like a great group. Just don't become the vagina lady!


Is that anything like a crazy cat lady?


----------



## K.C.

Yeah just with pussies instead. 

not sure I should post a pic illustrating that point though!


----------



## angelpixie

K.C. said:


> Yeah just with pussies instead.


----------



## angelpixie

NTS: Don't get into a discussion about how much you love Dunkin' Donuts powder sugared donuts with that white non-puddingy filling if the closest DD is over 900 miles away.


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> , _just_ as I'm about to say the name of one of the programs at which we'll be performing, it goes totally silent, and my voice rings out clearly 'VAGINA... mono...logues'


At bathtime tonight, one of my boys was dancing around naked singing "I'm a girl with a beautiful vagina!" Is something in the water this week?:scratchhead:


----------



## angelpixie

OMG, Soca - How in the world did you react to that?! :rofl: That makes me wonder if any of the moms from last night are dealing with that kind of thing tonight, too! If so, Sorry, everybody, I didn't intend for that to happen!


----------



## Orpheus

there are about three vagina-to-the-masses jokes that i want to make but are too crude even for Angel's thread.


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> there are about three vagina-to-the-masses jokes that i want to make but are too crude *even for Angel's thread.*


Pardon me? We gots nothin' but class here at


----------



## angelpixie

angelpixie said:


> VAGINA


Who could have known that this would have brought so much joy to so many people?


----------



## TBT

My first instinct was to say Heidi Fleiss......but nah!


----------



## angelpixie

And in a sequel to last year's much loved 'Get Book Spanked by a Librarian'  event, here's something else to prove that librarians aren't just women who shush you while wearing shapeless clothes and sensible shoes. 

Ohhh, no. We teach you things. Hmmm, maybe there is a use for those STFC classes after all...


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> And in a sequel to last year's much loved 'Get Book Spanked by a Librarian'  event, here's something else to prove that librarians aren't just women who shush you while wearing shapeless clothes and sensible shoes.
> 
> Ohhh, no. We teach you things. Hmmm, maybe there is a use for those STFC classes after all...


Angel, I have a gf who is a librarian......and she's told me some things 

Your "innocence" doesn't fool me one bit. I know you are really taking those classes for a future pixie boy toy


----------



## NoWhere

Did someone say 'VAGINA?

My Angel your thread really has taken a strange turn.


----------



## angelpixie

:rofl: NW -- that happens from time to time. 


@ vi -- You may or may not be right. I'll let you know.


----------



## NoWhere

I'm more interested in this vagina thing. What is it? I seem to remember something about it from my distant past, but it escapes me at the moment.


----------



## angelpixie

Sigh. With all the wisdom, care, humor, love, and friendship I've tried to share here on TAM, it seems that when all is said and done, I'll only be remembered for my VAGINA post.


----------



## NoWhere

Yep. here at TAM and in that restaurant you were at. Next time you go in people will be whispering to each other. "There's that women!"

LOL.

We all love you just the same Angel!!


----------



## vi_bride04

*giggle*

everyone keeps saying vagina 

*tee hee*


----------



## Orpheus

Oh AP, you are a vagiant amongst mere mortals.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## K.C.

I was thinking of you when I mad my last 5 letter game post Angel..


----------



## angelpixie

K.C. said:


> I was thinking of you when I mad my last 5 letter game post Angel..



Excellent, K.C.!! :rofl: That is t-shirt slogan material. I'm going to print up a bunch for the next ALA convention. I'll split the proceeds with you. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> Oh AP, you are a vagiant amongst mere mortals.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Um, only the word is huge, darling.


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> OMG, Soca - How in the world did you react to that?! :rofl: That makes me wonder if any of the moms from last night are dealing with that kind of thing tonight, too! If so, Sorry, everybody, I didn't intend for that to happen!


At this age, they are fascinated with saying "potty" words - they love to talk about butts, "pee-pee's", etc. I mostly try to ignore it - otherwise if they get a reaction, it goes into a frenzy of one-upmanship. Moving from one topic to another, a few months ago, one of the boys pulls his pants down in his booster seat in the car and says "Feast your eyes on my beautiful penis!" 

The upside is that they don't do this at school!


----------



## soca70

soca70 said:


> "Feast your eyes on my beautiful penis!"


Orpheus, you should try this line at those little soirees you attend.


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Um, only the word is huge, darling.


'Feast your eyes on my huge vagina????'

Angel I'm shocked and saddened with the turn this thread has taken


----------



## soca70

soca70 said:


> At this age, they are fascinated with saying "potty" words - they love to talk about butts, "pee-pee's", etc. !


Maybe it's not just 6 year olds as evidenced by this sorry group.


----------



## angelpixie

soca70 said:


> Orpheus, you should try this line at those little soirees you attend.


And make sure you film that little conversation, too. I'd love to see the reaction. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

soca70 said:


> At this age, they are fascinated with saying "potty" words - they love to talk about butts, "pee-pee's", etc. I mostly try to ignore it - otherwise if they get a reaction, it goes into a frenzy of one-upmanship. Moving from one topic to another, a few months ago, one of the boys pulls his pants down in his booster seat in the car and says "Feast your eyes on my beautiful penis!"
> 
> The upside is that they don't do this at school!


Sounds like he will not be a boy with issues of body self-loathing when he grows up. :smthumbup: :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> Oh AP, you are a vagiant amongst mere mortals.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





angelpixie said:


> Um, only the word is huge, darling.





Dollystanford said:


> 'Feast your eyes on my huge vagina????'
> 
> Angel I'm shocked and saddened with the turn this thread has taken


Tsk tsk, Dollface, I think you missed something along the way. I never said what you accused me of saying. Quite the opposite, in fact. 

Besides aren't there enough penis threads on TAM already? 

And yes, I said, penis, too. I'm afraid fonts don't come big enough to represent the average size of a TAM man's junk, if what's posted here is to be believed.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> And yes, I said, penis, too. I'm afraid fonts don't come big enough to represent the average size of a TAM man's junk, if what's posted here is to be believed.


I know it. Makes me want to pick my next bf from TAM!!! :smthumbup: :smthumbup: :smthumbup: 

Who knew all the guys are packing are on this site! :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

I felt your thread needed more ruditude, know what I mean


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> I know it. Makes me want to pick my next bf from TAM!!! :smthumbup: :smthumbup: :smthumbup:
> 
> Who knew all the guys are packing are on this site! :rofl:


I think we should market this as their new advertising slogan:

*TAM -- all the guys are packing on this site!*


----------



## NoWhere

Just when you thought this thread had reached the bottom of the hill the ground opens up to reveal a huge crevice. 

penis 

Just had to add that last word. Soca what age did you say people quit being fascinated by dirty words? I think you need to adjust it slightly. 

P.S. notice the font size. lol. I think my post needs a penis pump. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> Just when you thought this thread had reached the bottom of the hill the ground opens up to reveal a huge crevice.
> 
> Penis
> 
> Just had to add that last word. Soca what age did you say people quit being fascinated by dirty words? I think you need to adjust it slightly.
> 
> P.S. notice the font size. lol


Oh, it's not the _word_ that fascinates me, sweetheart.


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## NoWhere

you people are crazy. How did I end up here!


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


>


That must be you, Dolly. I'm not a blonde. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Car-rap. I just realized I never contacted my teacher about new STFC music. Hmmm. I think I'll take my mp3 player tonight, and just throw the idea out there that she take a listen to what I used when I taught. It's reallllly different from her taste, but, well, her taste in STFC music kinda sucks. Eric Clapton? The dreck I mentioned before?

OK, AP, don't be so afraid of doing something wrong, remember. The worst she will do is tell you that she doesn't like it. And... she'll still have to play it to 'test' it out, and that means she won't be playing the other stuff. Mwahahahaha.  

*****************

ALERT: Vent ahead!

If Medicaid rejected you for having insurance from a provider we haven't had in over 2 years, that's not my fault. That tells me that, again, though you are an adult, you did not get the correct information together to send in with your application.

If you do not have the money for 2 $15 co-pays for December doctor appointments, yet you knew those bills have been coming since December, perhaps you shouldn't have eaten out even 1 of the times you have since then, or booked the 2-day overnight birthday getaway for posGF in two weeks, or had the big holiday parties you had, etc., etc. It is NOT my fault for not getting divorced and taking you off my insurance faster. Do not expect sympathy from me, as I pay $200/mo out of my paycheck for your premium, which I can't undo until said divorce. And do not treat me like I am some landlord in a melodrama, ready to heartlessly throw you out into the snow because you can't pay your rent. Just stop already. I've fvcking had it. Borrow the $30 from posGF. She might as well get used to paying your bills.


----------



## OldGirl

Wow. I know this has been said before...but you are so much better off without this "man". You deserve so much better, Angel.


----------



## vi_bride04

Did he roll around on the ground screaming and kicking too???

What a baby....grow the f* up man.

Angel, you are so awesome and going to make some MAN so fricken happy!!!!...ya know with all that secret librarian stuff


----------



## jpr

I am bad person because I am delighting in Chinless' financial downfall.



:FIREdevil::FIREdevil::FIREdevil:



....seriously?? He doesn't have 30 bucks to spare? 

Oh! Wait. ...I just figured out a way he could solve this problem:
_ He could get a job_.


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Angel, you are so awesome and going to make some MAN so fricken happy!!!!...ya know with all that *secret librarian stuff *



Yeah --- what I don't know how to do, I can use my super librarian researching skills to find out! :smthumbup: :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Got most of my mixer back today. I'll get the rest tomorrow. Funny thing is, we were joking about it in group today, and I found out my IC had the same thing happen with her ex. He got her a KitchenAid as a gift, and then wanted to keep it when they split. Is that something endemic to KitchenAid mixers, or the type of guy? 


**************

Still had to put up with the Biebster tonight in class, but didn't have the other ones we usually have. She's just in love with that song for our lap dance segment (which she had me teach this week for her). Since I won't be in class 2 weeks from tonight to spend my b-day with DS, she wants to take me out for drinks after class next week. Sweet!! So, my anti-Valentine/Emancipation Day will be pretty full of activity after all. :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

Ahhh, i love it when a man in his mid 30s can't scrape up a few quid

This reminds me of the time Tosspot had to ask me to borrow £75 to pay a lawyer and I thought 'god you loser'

Not having the money is one thing, but not even having anyone to borrow it from?


----------



## angelpixie

And being a father and not making it a priority to take care of your own health over going out to dinner or having parties or taking the gf out of town for her birthday. Priorities, for crying out loud!!


----------



## jpr

Chinless wants it all, and he doesn't want to work for any of it.

He is an entitled piece of poop.


----------



## K.C.

Parents with their priorities wrong........

Sorry couldnt finish. My head exploded.


----------



## angelpixie

Really good IC session today. Working on post-divorce life. I guess I don't feel like it will really seem all that different. We're trying to puzzle through some of the inertia and lack of energy regarding things I have to do. For instance, when NearlyEx went on leave, and we were living on my 3/4 time salary and a little savings, I went into overdrive, doing every little thing I could to make a little extra money and save what I could. Plus taking care of DS, who wasn't in school yet, plus taking care of the house, plus, of course, taking care of NearlyEx. I was always multi-tasking. My brain never shut down. It benefitted us in that we maintained our home, paid off our car, were never late on a payment for anything, even took on preschool expenses, plus I earned a bonus at work. I can't even IMAGINE taking that on today. I can't imagine how I separated all of our life's belongings, packed, and moved, while working a full-time job, all in a month's time, less than two years ago. Packing up where I live now, finding another place, going through the mortgage approval process that I already passed 4 or so months ago just seems like too much, so I put things off. I know this. 

We're trying to work on what has changed that I'm not freaky machine-like efficient like I once was. For one thing, she had the interesting suggestion that my codependence drove me before. I was doing everything for my family, my husband, my son -- not necessarily for myself. This seems much more like it's for me, even though DS lives with me, too. I'm not his ONLY caretaker, my house wouldn't be his ONLY home. So it's harder for me to get motivated. She may have a point there. I knew that if I didn't do all those things, we could lose everything. If I could just keep juggling without dropping any balls, we'd all be OK. If I could take as much stress off of NearlyEx as possible, he could just concentrate on getting healthy. I was necessary, I was needed, I was 'earning my keep' and hopefully, NearlyEx's love. Well, we know how that turned out.  We also brainstormed about possible physiological reasons for my energy issues, and I have a couple people I can call. 

Now, though, I'm the main one who's affected, so it's harder for me to push myself. There might be a little piece in the back of my mind saying, 'And so what, you worked so hard, and it didn't work out anyway. You lost yourself doing all of that, and he never really understood or appreciated what went into it, and now dismisses it, if he remembers it at all.' Sort of a fatalistic 'Why bother?' that I'm fighting. Logically, I know it's a different situation now. I'm not that same person, for one thing. He's not there to bring me down anymore, and I won't be able to blame that on anyone but myself. It's on me now.

I'm not really doing anything different as a single woman than I did while married to him. I took care of the bills, budget, taxes, etc., then. I knew what went on with all of our medical and other insurance. I did housekeeping and cooking stuff, taking care of DS, knew what was going on with the cars, house, etc., etc., etc. So what's the hang-up? 

At least, today, I have made some of the phone calls I needed to make finally. I've made a couple of payments that I needed to pay. Made some calls back to MN to take care of a few things there, and last but certainly not least, made an appointment with the mortgage banker for Tuesday morning. After DS gets home from school, we'll run up to the courthouse to get my license tags. I will have accomplished more today than in a while. My plan is to take on a few things each day to keep the feelings of being overwhelmed at bay. I used to think I had no energy to get out and do things, either, but I've made myself a schedule to be more active, and I've stuck to it for months now. I don't necessarily need to get back to being uber-efficient again, but I will have more self-respect if I get back to handling things the way I know I can. :smthumbup:


----------



## jpr

I like this last post, Angel.

I had a similar discussion with my counselor about a year ago. I told her that I felt overwhelmed taking care of my son, my house, my financial life, my social life, and my emotional life. ...and I had no where near the amount of stuff to deal with that you did.

She gave me a reality check and told me that I would probably be in the same boat if I was still married. Sasquatch was not a support to me, and did not help around the house at all. ...in a way, he was sort of a burden. 

Chinless was something else in your life you had to take care of ...it was exhausting to walk on eggshells around him and placate to his moods. 


...I was the same way. That is why it is strange to me that I am not getting more accomplished in my life. 

I also identify with those feelings of having no "get up and go".  I have had trouble getting some things done.

I used to be uber-efficient...and now...well.......I am just not.

I'm getting there, though. Your post gave me some inspiration. Thanks!


----------



## vi_bride04

I have stopped pretty much all domestic tasks since I moved out. No cooking, cleaning, putting stuff away....like I'm a fricken dude who doesn't know how to live on their own! (LOL) 

I didn't even handle the divorce or house situation like should have...procrastinated on everything. 

It has been 7 months since I've been on my own and I'm just starting to get back to into things and not being so damn lazy.

I really think it is just part of the process of figuring out how to act and handle yourself in this "new"life. You're world has been turned completely upside down. It takes time to get grounded again.

You got this


----------



## angelpixie

Well, fvck, fvck, fvck. Total reality check this afternoon. My best friend's husband had kidney stones last August, and when they did a sonogram, they found a suspicious mass. He wasn't even feeling sick, but he actually had Stage 3 kidney cancer. At first they thought it was one large mass that bridged both kidneys, but after a 'robot' biopsy, found it was 1 on each kidney. Because of where they were located, they couldn't operate, so he went through months of chemo. Ended just before Christmas. He had a really tough time of it. They hoped that if the tumors could shrink, then surgery would be possible. The oncologist here is consulting with a very well known specialist on this kind of cancer out of state. He had tests done, and they were sent to this doctor to interpret them. 

All along, they were told that the prognosis was good. After he recovered from the chemo, he even wanted to go back to work, but since they were still waiting on the verdict on surgery, he didn't. The blood markers looked good. The tumors hadn't really shrunk, but they hadn't grown, either. However, the PET scan showed activity. They've been worried. After I made my last post, she came to my desk and asked if we could talk. It's bad. The original cancer didn't show up in the blood work. What lit up the PET scan is a new cancer. Because of his age, 63, he no longer qualifies for surgery. Also, the tumors are now so close to his heart that they'd have to remove and reconstruct part of his aorta and remove his vena cava (I didn't think you could even live without one). So, since that's out of the question for him, the alternative is even higher powered chemo, and a bone marrow transplant. My friend is understandably crushed. 

It's especially hard because of their personality differences. Three years ago at just this time, my friend had ovarian cancer. She's a fighter. She battled through it and has been cancer-free since then. When he was having the chemo, he didn't fight back. He withdrew and had a very hard time thinking positive, even though he had a good prognosis. Even before they got this new, just while waiting, she's noticed him withdrawing, not leaving the house anymore. She wants him to fight back, and he wants her to leave him alone.

If that wasn't enough, their only child, who was a preemie and ended up overcoming all of that to become a Marine, is now experiencing increasing pulmonary problems from his multiple tours in the Gulf. AND they found out at Christmastime that they're expecting their first grandchild. They don't know if her husband will live to see the birth, even.

How much are some people expected to take? My friend's immediate supervisor has been a b!tch through this, and her FMLA ran out on Feb. 1. We have to have a minimum amount of sick leave in order to donate, and I don't. She's going to call our staff representatives to have them put out a campus-wide call for donated leave. She's been on campus about 15 years, and has made many friends all over town. I have no doubt that she'll get hours donated to her. 

She's a very together person, and it was so tough to just hold on to her while she was sobbing. I felt so helpless. I don't know what I can do to help, but I have a few ideas. 

One thing that I did realize later, when I was driving home and thinking about it, was that usually at times like this, when someone close to me has experienced a loss or tragedy, I would think of NearlyEx and the waste of our family. Of how life is too short to just throw away people who love you. I found I couldn't even make my mind go there this time. Not like 'I couldn't make my mind go there because the grief would be overwhelming,' but 'I couldn't even make my mind do it' because that's just not who he is to me anymore. I found myself realizing that if I were to ever find myself with cancer or something like that, I no longer have a spouse to go through it with me. I'm alone. In the past that scared me. Today, I just thought, 'I wouldn't be the first to go through that. I have family and I have friends, and I am strong. I didn't have him anyway.' I felt strangely calm. I don't want to be tested, but even that much of a change of outlook is worth noting to myself, I think.


----------



## Lon

But you got friends. And you don't have cancer and have friends anyway! In due time you will have another spouse (if that is what your spirit wants). And I think you have helped your friend tremendously (by holding onto her while she was sobbing) that kind of loves goes right in. She knows you are there for her, and the way to help will be apparent as it happens.


----------



## Orpheus

Maybe that and the other thing will help you give yourself permission to be a woman again in addition to a mother, AP. I know this week has a lot of weight for you but there are a lot of us here that can guarantee you that the grass is greener in the other side.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

Angel, I am so sorry to hear this about your BF husband. Unfortunately, I could decipher everything you mentioned. I just feel so bad for them. Take Care


----------



## angelpixie

Have been struggling so hard to keep my eyes open since about 6:30 tonight. If I'd had someone to snuggle with, I would have been toast. Quite the livewire on a Friday night, eh? DS is finally off to bed, so goodnight, my TAM friends.


----------



## angelpixie

I got my toaster back. Dropped DS off at 11:30 as requested. Waited a few minutes at the front door after ringing the bell. He answers in his robe. I know it's a Saturday morning, but Jeezus. Then while DS and I are unloading his stuff, he walks back to the kitchen (direct line of sight from the front door). I see him quickly pick up the toaster, and the crumb tray falls open, raining bread crumbs all over the counter. Rather embarrassing. Then when he hands it to me, I change my mind to thinking it's karma. The thing is disgusting. Who knows the last time he cleaned it. I hope it still works. 

Still waiting on my last few KitchenAid attachments. He doesn't know where he put them. They were right here yesterday.... 

And there's a nice new piece of furniture in the back of his station wagon. Thinking it cost more than $30 (the two co-pays he can't afford). If he complains again, I don't know if I should suggest he sell something to cover it, or just not answer, as I've been doing. I did tell him if he needed me to cover it, rather than it going past due, he could add it to his tab of what he still owes me, so I guess I can't take that back. 

Off to find a long-sleeved t-shirt I can stencil our dance logo on, then 3 hours of practice. It's damned cold out today, and I'm thinking that this routine might be a little difficult to dance to while wearing a ski jacket, lol. But mine's red, so at least I already fit the color scheme. :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

Angel I love the mental image you present in your writing. In spite of toothless or whatever his new new euphemism you are currently using, your adventures make me smile. Yes, I do roll my eyes about the clueless ex. 

I will keep on hounding you... you really need to get published. Does not need to be an autobiography, but I think you have experience, enough material and superb writing prose to put together a great fictional story. I would buy the book. When you do, I hope you could sign my copy.


----------



## Ikaika

Anyway Angel, think of the poetic justice  It wouldn't take a genius to see the inspiration and you would not have to make it so caustic to cause any discomfort for your son.


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


>


OMG, Dolly, I love that!!! :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Well, the mis-education of Angelpixie continues.

Our first public performance of the One Billion Rising dance was at a fund-raiser in town. I wasn't comfortable dancing on stage, so I volunteered to be one of the plants in the audience, who would get up at a point at the end of the song and do the last few gestures. OK. I can handle that.

We did have practice, and there were a few parts I wasn't real sure of, so I went through them a bunch of times today while I didn't have DS here. 

Fast forward a few hours. I'm standing at the back of a totally packed, SRO house. We can't find 3 empty seats to 'plant' ourselves, so we decide we'll just walk down the aisle. OK. I can do this. I feel a little more exposed, but yeah, I'm not freaking out. Then the other two women are talking a little more and just to verify, I said 'We're just walking down during the end, right?' 'Oh, no,' they say. 'WE'RE DANCING THE WHOLE ROUTINE IN THE AISLE. We'll have those 16 beats of improv to dance down to the front of the aisle. Be careful of dancing on the incline, though. That fudged me up a few times.' 

HOLY. FVCKING. CRAP!!!!! Improving down the aisle? Basically solo-ing when I was afraid of dancing onstage with other people? I'm ready to throw up at this point. But I know I can't bail. I'm part of this group. 

So, while the dancers before us are finishing their performance, I'm frantically going through the choreography in my head, not remembering anything. I just hoped that running through it today got it into my muscle memory enough that I didn't make a royal ass of myself in front of hundreds of people. 

Before the song started, a woman read a little piece on stopping sexual violence, and the crowd was cheering her and wound up anyway. Then the music started - with the 16 beats of slow improv. I did it. Then the faster part starts and the crowd is on its feet before we even start dancing. 

It was awesome. Beyond awesome. I did get a little messed up on the incline twice, but I remembered all the steps for the first time ever, and I wasn't the least bit self-conscious. It was one of the most amazing, powerful things I've ever participated in. I was almost in tears when it was over, but I don't think anyone saw.  We were all absolutely blown away at the response. We thought we'd need the plants to get people on their feet. Instead we had people dancing with us! 

I want to call someone and do a teenage squeal, but I don't have anyone to call, lol.


----------



## SpunkySpunky

This is so awesome.

Exactly what I needed today.

You go, angel.


----------



## Ikaika

Do a TAM teenage squeal, I am listening... I will just clean the cobwebs out afterwards. 

Congratulations Angel, without even knowing what you were going through, I could have told you, you could do it.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks for that, S2. I felt like I wanted to do this for so many of my friends here on TAM (including you, sweetie), my ladies at my DV support groups at the Y, and other people I know. I've never really done anything like this before.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, d. I appreciate your support, too.


----------



## Orpheus

aaaaaand, a dance monster is born.


----------



## angelpixie

Beg pardon? I'm no monster, sweetie.


----------



## MesmerEyes

You, madam, are simply amazing :heart:


----------



## angelpixie

I told DS about my dancing last night. When i told him I found out i was going to have to dance and not just the other thing I thought we were doing, his eyes got really wide and he said "And you flubbed up?!" Yep, that's my boy! :rofl:

But when I told him that I didn't flub up, and that it was a really great experience and I'm glad I took the chance, he gave me a big hug and double high-five.  He was also very impressed that I got to be backstage and in the green room(s) at this theatre. (I thought it was kind of cool, too, in a geeky sort of way, lol) :smthumbup:


----------



## K.C.

Angel, you really do rock. Good on you.


----------



## angelpixie

Tonight, NearlyEx sent me a link to a set of photos he took of DS' spelling bee. Some cute shots. Out of 45 he posted, with both him and posGF having taken photos, what's missing? A single shot of DS and me, including in the bleachers together after he had to step down. I know he doesn't technically owe me one, but I could see them, therefore I know they could see us. There are even multiple shots of DS' 'best' friend, who neither of us are very fond of, but none of DS and me. I guess I rate further down on his list than even The Brick. Just kind of disappointed. I guess I'll have to hire my own photographer for future events.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Tonight, NearlyEx sent me a link to a set of photos he took of DS' spelling bee. Some cute shots. Out of 45 he posted, with both him and posGF having taken photos, what's missing? A single shot of DS and me, including in the bleachers together after he had to step down. I know he doesn't technically owe me one, but I could see them, therefore I know they could see us. There are even multiple shots of DS' 'best' friend, who neither of us are very fond of, but none of DS and me. I guess I rate further down on his list than even The Brick. Just kind of disappointed. I guess I'll have to hire my own photographer for future events.


This is disappointing, however I want to follow up on something. DS will still be attending fencing, right? Ex, is forking over some money for this? If not, let me know. I don't want that little guy to have to give it up. Too important.


----------



## Lon

Angel, if I lived were just a little closer I'd be there with my camera in hand, pro bono.


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, D -- I did ask NearlyEx, and he agrees that we'll keep DS in it if that's what he wants. So far, he does. He has one week left, and then they'll try to make up the lesson he missed when they 'forgot' to take him (which I think is really nice of them). We should be able to swing it. If he needs ideas on where to make cuts so that he can afford it, I'd be happy to make a few suggestions, based on what I've seen. 

But, thank you very much, again, for your kind offer, D. It's very sweet of you.


----------



## angelpixie

Lon said:


> Angel, if I lived were just a little closer I'd be there with my camera in hand, pro bono.


Thanks, Lon. You're a sweetie.  


Oh, I wore my black yoga pants last night. Just an FYI.


----------



## Ikaika

Now we just need to sign you up with some good bass lessons. With your dance moves and ripping on the bass, wow wee.


----------



## angelpixie

Nice Monday morning surprise: the leader of a long-term project I'm working on treated the other person on the project and I to coffee this morning. First mocha I've had in a while. Doubly good thing because I was running too late to make my own coffee at home this morning.  I like surprises like that.


----------



## angelpixie

Sigh. DS is back to not wanting to spend time with his father. They are having dinner together tonight, which is fine with me, but he is not happy. He doesn't want to talk to me about it, and I don't feel like I can get in the middle. He says he's talked to his dad alone, but it obviously hasn't changed things. 

I picked up my mail at my P.O. Box today, and there was a postcard for DS' band concert next week. As it so happened, NearlyEx needed me to do a work-related favor, so I was on the phone with him. I told him about the concert, just in case he didn't get a postcard. He won't be able to make it. The 2-day-1-night birthday trip with posGF is now 3 days and 2 nights. He will be out of town shagging her, so he will have to miss his son's first full band concert. I told him that he could tell DS. I'm sure he'll work the story around so that DS is feeling sorry for him instead of being hurt. He's good at that. The way things are already going with DS' feelings about being with him is not going to be helped at all by this. His choice, though. 

Me -----> :2gunsfiring_v1:







<----- NearlyEx

And I now also have him in the position of owing me, which is always good.


----------



## Ikaika

Angel,

I feel for your son... I hate when dads don't get it. I hate it, just simply hate it. I mean it you make sure your ex forks over the money to make sure DS stays in fencing. I'm not going to let that little guy be handed yet another disappointment.


----------



## 06Daddio08

drerio said:


> Angel,
> 
> I feel for your son... I hate when dads don't get it. I hate it, just simply hate it. I mean it you make sure your ex forks over the money to make sure DS stays in fencing. I'm not going to let that little guy be handed yet another disappointment.


Sadly mom cannot keep bailing out a crappy dad.


----------



## BFGuru

He will learn who truly has his back. I'm sorry he is failing at fathering so horrifically bad. Since when did parents not know from the beginning of the school year when concerts were anyway? He really has no excuse. I've actually stopped answering the "why is daddy never home" questions and telling them if it bothers them, they can ask their dad. I'm not playing his game with the kids or making up excuses for him either. 

You are amazing. In spite of all of this, you are maintained a joy for life that many would be envious of. Keep on, keeping on.


----------



## angelpixie

Some surprise good news for DS tonight. They extended the registration for the Science event, so he can still get in. NearlyEx is not photographing it, he is doing one of the table demo thingies. So up til tonight, he would have been helping to present something his son should have been involved in, without his son participating because he didn't care to share this information. D!ckhead. 

Oh well, it still works out well for DS, and that's what counts. :smthumbup: I also asked NearlyEx to pay the registration fee, since I'm paying for Valentine cards & box for DS and ice cream for his class. We'll see if he can afford it. Adding that 2nd night away with the gf may have broken him.


----------



## angelpixie

Super, super sweet moment that just came out of the blue. DS came over and put his arms around me and recited these lines from the end of the book "Love you Forever":

"I'll love you forever 
I'll like you for always 
As long as I'm living 
My mommy you'll be"

I got a copy of that book when he was born from a student employee in my office who ended up becoming a friend of NearlyEx and me. It's a pretty famous kids book, but we always thought the story was actually a little on the creepy side, as the mom seems a bit of a stalker, lol, but I kept it because she inscribed it to him and me. It's on his bookshelf here in his room. I didn't know that he'd memorized that, but he said just happened to pick it up and read it for the first time a week or two ago, and he's been memorizing those lines for me. It's like Valentine's Day came early for me. I could cry.










*******************************


And the really funny thing? I'd lost touch with her -- and I ran into her for the first time in years at the fund-raiser Saturday night! She'd heard through the grapevine about NearlyEx and me, and wanted to wish me well, and compliment my dancing, lol. (Last time she saw me dancing was my firecracker rendition of Aretha's RESPECT when it came on the radio in the office -- I was about 7 months pregnant at the time. :rofl


----------



## Lon

The mom is a little psycho in that book, especially the ladder part.

It is my ex's favorite Munsch book too, it is ok but more her thing with our son than mine, lol.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I have that book.


----------



## angelpixie

OK, I probably shouldn't have watched this right before going to bed. 

Montana TV Station's Emergency Alert System Hacked, Warns of Zombie Apocalypse - YouTube


----------



## Ikaika

I don't believe I ever read that book. My sons were both fond of 'good night moon'. My SIL who is an artist, replicated some of the artwork from the book (flying cow & mommy bunny catching baby bunny) Two years ago, I donated both paintings to a children's museum in CT... they have an entire room that is dedicated to that book.


----------



## angelpixie

Meeting with the mortgage banker in half an hour. Let's hope it goes better than my morning so far. Endless printer jams, cartridge change, running behind. 

WISH ME LUCK, please?!!?!?


----------



## HappyKaty

Good luck, sweetie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Meeting with the mortgage banker in half an hour. Let's hope it goes better than my morning so far. Endless printer jams, cartridge change, running behind.
> 
> WISH ME LUCK, please?!!?!?


You're buying a place? Wow that is exciting. I really wish you well, you deserve it.


----------



## NoWhere

*Good luck angel!!!!*


----------



## K.C.

Wish sent.


----------



## NoWhere

Saw this today and thought of you Angel


----------



## angelpixie

Hahaha, NW -- that's cute! 

Well, my day has turned around quite nicely. I've been approved for about what I thought I would be. Will still be quite a challenge to find a place in town that will be in that price range, but at least now I can start in earnest. Whew!! And, after my down payment and closing costs, I will still have some left over for things I need to buy like appliances, fixing up of the house, etc. (Bargain hunting required for everything, of course, to spread it as far as possible)

AND, bonus: DS informed us that the fifth grade would be reading the poetry they'd been writing with the visiting poet this morning. I thought I'd have to miss it due to my appointment. NearlyEx and posGF were going to go. I got out just in time to race there, and ran up the steps as they were closing the doors to the room. DS saw me come in and I got a big wave.  He read a double-haiku (lol) about Martin Luther King that was very good (in my totally unbiased opinion). NearlyEx and posGF were not there.


And I found out during my appointment that he has overdrawn the joint account again to the tune of $80. That account is only supposed to be a short-term resting place for DS' money, then we withdraw our halves. He instead uses it to pay for things, and has had at least one overdraft a month for the last couple of months. I texted him about it immediately, but have not received a reply. I'm going to have to do something, as my name is on that account. I could cancel the debit card, but he could just get another one.


----------



## SpunkySpunky

I'd get out of the joint account. And set up a savings account for DS's money.

You don't want him ruining your credit. 

Do you have to take care of the overdraft fees he creates?


----------



## angelpixie

No, we have overdraft protection. Unfortunately DS' payment (which is part of NearlyEx's social security disability benefit) can't be split between two accounts. But making an account with just DS' name on it, with us having access to it (but no debit card or check access) might be the way to go. Good idea, Spunky.


----------



## SpunkySpunky

That's what I would do...just...to protect you.


----------



## vi_bride04

Still with the overdraft protection, that is money that needs to go back into the account to bring it even. If it is just taken out of the social security that is deposited every month, isn't that technically cutting into your funds that you take out for DS??

If I was you, I would make a nice list/spreadsheet with all the OD fees that have come out due to him overdrawing. Not sure if he would pay anything back into the account b/c he is a douche, but at least have something to show him "Look, this money is money that could benefit DS" But then again, not sure if its worth the argument with him over it. 

But definitely get your own account to protect yourself. Ugh I'm so frustrated for you........he is so clueless!!!! Entitled to everything, right?


----------



## angelpixie

And... Mr. 'I have no money to pay my co-pays' took the 'family' out for sushi last night.


----------



## angelpixie

I'm sure he'll blame me when he loses the house and car, too.


----------



## K.C.

Well it wouldnt be fair on him to start being responsible for himself now would it. I mean come on. Give the man a break.


----------



## angelpixie

Sat down to look at the real estate listings. The one I was looking at before Christmas is still on the market, so I have an appointment to look at it tomorrow after DS gets home from school. There was another one that just took my breath away -- built in 1910, gingerbread on the outside, wood floors, crown moulding, built-ins, fireplace on the inside, attic bedroom -- right neighborhood and school, close to work, 3-year old roof, under my budget limit -- and already sold after 3 days on the market.  And....again, it's pink.  I may be destined to buy a pink house, since every one I've been interested in lately has been pink. It won't stay that way, just so you know. 

Cue John Mellencamp... (or not)


----------



## BFGuru

Nothing wrong with a pink house.


----------



## angelpixie

BFGuru said:


> Nothing wrong with a pink house.



My 10-year-old son has already told me he doesn't want to live in a pink house because he's not a Barbie, lol. So, we'll be painting it.


----------



## BFGuru

Tell him Ken is married to Barbie and he lives in the pink house with her. LOL


----------



## angelpixie

Haha -- I'll try that! :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

I never had Ken down as a beta male - he'd better watch it, Barbie may start having an affair with....GI Joe!


----------



## angelpixie

Have you ever seen Ken without pants? He doesn't have any man-parts.


----------



## K.C.

Nah he is the POSOM that Barbie is now desperately unhappy with. Guess she shouldnt have listened to Cindy. The vindictive biatch.


----------



## Stella Moon

angelpixie said:


> Have you ever seen Ken without pants? He doesn't have any man-parts.


Neither did my stbxh...:scratchhead:


----------



## angelpixie

Stella Moon said:


> Neither did my stbxh...:scratchhead:


Well then, there's your problem right there.


----------



## angelpixie

Looked at the listing for the house again last night. It does have a fireplace, but in the details given, THAT is listed as the only source of heat. That HAS to be a misprint. I can't believe that house has been lived in and resold for over 60 years with only a fireplace to heat it. But then again, maybe that's why it's so incredibly cheap.
Either way, I realized I was approved to borrow several thousand more than the asking price. So I might be able to get away with just paying closing costs out of pocket. If the place does need significant work, I wonder if I could borrow the remaining amount to use for those repairs. At only 3.5% it would be a heck of a lot better than putting it on a credit card. 

And that would leave me money to maybe look for another car!!! Oh....getting a little excited. Must be careful.


----------



## vi_bride04

oooooh Angel! I'm getting excited for you too!!! 

Good luck with the house stuff. It is an exciting time for you for sure.


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmm, just spoke to the realtor. There's something with the addition (didn't realize there was an addition). It's fixable, but the owners didn't want to put in the money involved since they weren't planning to stay. That's why it's so cheap. It's been inspected by an engineer who has written a letter saying what needs to be done. She suggested I might want to go back for an FHA loan, as they allow extra funds to be financed for home repairs. I was approved for conventional, as my credit union no longer does FHA. I might have to try another bank, which means pulling my credit report again. But the rate is also 1/8% lower.
Hmmmmm....


----------



## NoWhere

An addition? Cool when can I move in!!


----------



## Orpheus

so... space for a stripper pole. i mean "exercise pole".


----------



## Ikaika

Put up some acoustic panels and gear it up... music studio.


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> An addition? Cool when can I move in!!


LOL -- DS would love your doggies. And you do have very nice taste in interior decor. I'll get back to you. 



Orpheus said:


> so... space for a stripper pole. i mean "exercise pole".


Oh, yes. It's allll about 'exercise.' Serious exercise. 



drerio said:


> Put up some acoustic panels and gear it up... music studio.


I actually was thinking about that when I was blaring music in my car last night, lol. In spite of all the windows in my place now, it's pretty sound proof, and I only have a neighbor close by on one side. His yard is such a jungle (literally) that I think that also provides a sound barrier.  I might actually have to add some sound insulation to wherever I go. The houses are likely to be closer together, and I like to play my music loud, with the bass turned up to 11.


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Oh, yes. It's allll about 'exercise.' Serious exercise.


If you do get a exercise pole I'll be happy to come over and give you some exercise tips. For instance did you know clothes are a hindrance to good blood flow circulation. Really!


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> If you do get a exercise pole I'll be happy to come over and give you some exercise tips. For instance did you know clothes are a hindrance to good blood flow circulation. Really!


You're a regular Jack LaLanne. Or should I say Richard Simmons.


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> You're a regular Jack LaLanne. Or should I say Richard Simmons.


 I know! I'd have my own fitness studio, but the cops keep shutting me down for some reason.


----------



## Ikaika

Hey Angel there is a guy (from the UK), who give Bass lessons online... I don't want to list it here (don't want to be advertising anything). He is legit. If you are interested I can send you a link via PM... get your music studio going and get your freak on


----------



## vi_bride04

NoWhere said:


> If you do get a exercise pole I'll be happy to come over and give you some exercise tips. For instance did you know clothes are a hindrance to good blood flow circulation. Really!


Thats why I play my Dance Central game naked!

Hmmm would probably be a good time to finally get some curtains...hahahaha


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> so... space for a stripper pole. i mean "exercise pole".



Gawd, that sounds like a really bad porn movie. 

"I'm here to install your pole, ma'am." Bow chicka wow wow :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Thats why I play my Dance Central game naked!
> 
> Hmmm would probably be a good time to finally get some curtains...hahahaha



Ohhh, look at you go, Vi. (and I'm sure some people have! :rofl: )


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Angel's Journal/blog*



angelpixie said:


> Gawd, that sounds like a really bad porn movie.
> 
> "I'm here to install your pole, ma'am." Bow chicka wow wow :rofl:


By install, are you referring to the actual pole?

Or........


----------



## Dollystanford

You'll need a good supply of wet wipes for your pole angel


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmm...I may need to make another trip to the hardware store for those...


----------



## NoWhere

vi_bride04 said:


> Thats why I play my Dance Central game naked!
> 
> Hmmm would probably be a good time to finally get some curtains...hahahaha


Why do I get this sudden urge to play Dance Central! I've never even played it before. Weird. :scratchhead:


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> Why do I get this sudden urge to *play* Dance Central! I've never even played it before. Weird. :scratchhead:


You'd probably better watch someone first. You know, for a tutorial. I hear Vi doesn't have any curtains...


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## NoWhere

Now Angel you know I quit stalking years ago. It was bad on my knees and plus Vi has those thorny bushes outside her window.

oops I think I said too much...


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## Orpheus

NoWhere said:


> Now Angel you know I quit stalking years ago. It was bad on my knees and plus Vi has those thorny bushes outside her window.
> 
> oops I think I said too much...


the ankle bracelet and online database aren't helping you much either. imho.


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## 06Daddio08

NoWhere said:


> Now Angel you know I quit stalking years ago. It was bad on my knees and plus Vi has those thorny bushes outside her window.
> 
> oops I think I said too much...


You're a horrible liar.

I recall hearing dogs barking at a window a few months ago .... :rofl:


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## angelpixie

House had WAAAAAYYYY too may problems for me to handle. Part was built on a slab, and part on post and pier. Not sunk below the frost line. The thing that needs to be done? RAISE THE WHOLE HOUSE and resettle it. Um, yeah...no. Not for me. The agent told me that this time of year my actually be my best chance to get something in my price range, that our housing prices are still pretty high. So she has 2 or 3 that we're going to look at on Friday after school. She said that in this market, if she calls me, I might just have to drop everything and meet her. That's how fast things are going, esp in my price range. Hmmm. That leaves me less than excited. But I only need 1 house, and it doesn't have to be one that I live in forever. So, I'm still hopeful.

************

During our last practice before our dance mobs tomorrow, it was a mixture of rain, snow and sleet, all at the same time. I hope it doesn't do that tomorrow!!


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## K.C.

Thats a shame but at least she has some options for you. Looking for a house is horrible at the best of times imo. Good luck with the search though hope you find something great.


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## angelpixie

Well, T minus 9 and a half hours til the D. 

NearlyEx did a great job of making sure I don't feel any last-minute longing for him. He called this morning after dropping DS off at school and asked for 5 minute of my time. I told him I was really tight on time and I'd call him to talk while I was walking across campus after parking. No, he said he was coming over -- right then. I told him wasn't done getting dressed and I still had to curl my hair so it would have to be FAST. He was calling me from campus. Had apparently considered ambushing me as I walked into work. ?! 

I barely had time to throw on jeans and a sweater before he was here. He was very controlled in his speech, but I have enough experience with him to tell he was seething. "We had that parenting orientation class, and after taking it, I would have _thought_ you'd have _learned_..."

I put my hands up and told him to stop. Very calmly. Rather than continuing with his personal attack on me, why didn't he talk about the specific incident that made him upset. 

It boils down to him not liking that I ask DS not to share everything with his father. He said (angrily) that it gives DS the mistaken impression that we need to hide things because Dad will get angry. Well? I don't have to say anything. His son has eyes and ears. To my surprise, DS made a big deal about it in the car this morning, telling him that I told him not to tell his father that we were going to look at a house in _another town_ this afternoon. The 1910 house I wrote about yesterday is on a street with the same name as that town. DS assumed the house was in the town. NearlyEx assumed I was moving DS out of town without consulting him, as per our verbal and legal agreements. DS also told his dad that I made him keep secrets from his dad. I told NearlyEx that I have tried to walk a very fine line with DS, telling him that he's totally free to answer his dad's questions, but when it comes to things *I* do, such as my trip, his dad and I are not connected anymore. I no longer want to share those things with his father. This surprised NearlyEx. Again, partly (I think) because I was not angry. I just stated it as a fact. I reminded him that he knew everything he needed to know as far as co-parenting, so I was not neglecting anything there. And that I've only done that at all with my trip and our house hunting (since DS went to his dad immediately when we looked at a place in the fall and they looked it up on the web.) 

He followed up with a syrupy declaration that he really doesn't care to pry into my business, he really doesn't _care_ to know what I do. Just that if I do things that make me happy, it makes him happy because I'm moving forward with my life. 

(Thank you, patronizing arsehole. You know what you can do with your well-wishes.)

I asked him why he asked DS where I was going on my trip even after DS (in error) told him I'd asked him to keep it a secret. He says he didn't. The only thing he worried about was that I was going to a city where someone in his family lived, and that I'd planned to see her. So he asked if I was going there.

So, there are a few problems here. First of all, again, NearlyEx continues to assume that absolute worst of me. No matter what. Second, DS is either very mistaken or is deliberately lying to the two of us. He is definitely not as savvy at figuring out what to spill and what to keep to himself as I was at his age. It is not uncommon that kids start playing parents against each other when there's a divorce. It is going to make it difficult for me to know what to tell him, even about regular life. I just don't feel every thing in my life has to be an open book for his father, and apparently to keep my privacy, I can't share things with DS, either. Not even deep or emotional things, but things I'm doing or places I'm going. I want to somehow make DS understand that not spilling everything automatically to his dad is not the same as being told to keep secrets. I just want my fvcking privacy. At least as much as possible when one has a kid, and that kid has another parent.

I brought up DS' increasing reluctance to spend time with his father again, and that it upsets me to see DS like that. He assures me that a.) they did talk, b.) he does ask DS to do father/son things, but DS would rather read or play on the computer, and c.) he is very fond of posGF and is always asking if she will be with them, or if she's up yet (? Apparently she sleeps in, too) . So, of course, 180 degrees opposite of what DS tells me. I didn't ask if he also cries and gets upset when it's time to see me. 

We did decide we need to go to a family counselor to get this straightened out. I don't want DS feeling under stress with us. NearlyEx admitted that DS has anger towards him. I told him it could be because he has moved posGF in, and DS wasn't ready for it. He agreed, surprisingly. But not enough to move her back out. DS is the one who has to adjust. 

Too much of my life was controlled by that man, and I don't want to give any back to him. 

Which leads me to another thing troubling me today. I asked him nicely last week not to come to the hearing. I would rather he wasn't there, and there was no reason legally or in the procedure that required him to be there. He kept acting like he would, almost like we should both be there for this 'rite of passage.' And of course in his lack of empathy and social awareness, I'm sure he'd bring posGF. 

I've wanted to find a way to be sure neither of them will be there tomorrow. I felt if I asked again, he'd just push back at me, and just disrespect what I wanted. Instead, tonight when I called to tell DS good-night, I told him that I would text him when it was over. Period. He was totally taken aback by that, and could only stammer 'Oh, uh, OK' So, I guess that's the way I have to handle things with him from now on. Forget courtesy and asking things politely. Tell him to stop when he's an as$hole, tell him what I want instead of asking him to do something. It worked so far today each time I did it. I never raised my voice or sounded angry once. I had my usual syrupy sex-kitten voice, lol, but it was strong, I know that. I still don't think he's used to me. He still feels so superior, as evidenced by that comment about being happy that I'm moving on. Just because I don't have someone new doesn't mean I'm still pining after him.  It means I'm going to be a hell of a lot more cautious before I get involved again.


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## angelpixie

So, I mani'd, pedi'd, exfoliated, moisturized and everything else to get all ready for the big day tomorrow. I feel like a cross between a debutante on her coming out and a condemned woman getting ready for the guillotine. 

I had a heck of a headache, and realized that again, I hadn't eaten anything except instant oatmeal early and an orange at noon, plus 2 cups of coffee at work and some sips of water at dance practice. So, I was dehydrated at least. Had some homemade chicken broth, baguette and cheese, and tea. Felt better really quickly, thankfully. 

Now that the polish on my toenails is dry, lol, I will head off to bed (sofa) and listen to some new music gifted to me by a dear friend. 

Goodnight, my sweet TAM friends. I wouldn't have made it to this day in this good of a frame of mind without you. I am at peace with this.


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## Dollystanford

Good morning Angelface

Today is a day to kick ass and say f*ck you

But it's raining so I'll just stay under the duvet for a bit

Are you ready to lose 180lbs (bit of a conservative estimate, no?)

mwah


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## bandit.45

I'm happy for you Angel. You've had to wait far too long for this. Now you have the rest of your life ahead of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr

You seemed so powerful and in control in your post.

I hope you hold onto that feeling today. You have come so far, and you have so much to look forward to....once you get this legal procedure taken care of. 

I will be thinking of you today. ...sending you positive thoughts.


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## BFGuru

Good luck today! I've read through a lot of this post, but it's long and I didn't want to feel like a stalker. But from what you've shown, you have come very far. You are awesome and I wish you all the luck in the world from here on out.


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## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> House had WAAAAAYYYY too may problems for me to handle. Part was built on a slab, and part on post and pier. Not sunk below the frost line. The thing that needs to be done? RAISE THE WHOLE HOUSE and resettle it. Um, yeah...no. Not for me. The agent told me that this time of year my actually be my best chance to get something in my price range, that our housing prices are still pretty high. So she has 2 or 3 that we're going to look at on Friday after school. She said that in this market, if she calls me, I might just have to drop everything and meet her. That's how fast things are going, esp in my price range. Hmmm. That leaves me less than excited. But I only need 1 house, and it doesn't have to be one that I live in forever. So, I'm still hopeful.
> 
> ************
> 
> During our last practice before our dance mobs tomorrow, it was a mixture of rain, snow and sleet, all at the same time. I hope it doesn't do that tomorrow!!


 take your time and pick out a good house. Don't be like me. I picked my house on the 2nd day of looking. lol. I bet next time I call my realtor she will answer really quick. Quickest buck she ever made.


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## cantmove

Thinking about you today Angel. The relief you are about to feel is wonderful. You so deserve it. It may be bittersweet but today is the beginning of a new life that you are in complete control of. Congratulations!!!!!


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## vi_bride04

Good luck today, Angel! Hope everything goes smoothly. 

Today is the start of your new life. Embrace it. Congrats


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## angelpixie

Well, hopefully, justice delayed is not justice denied. I was a minute or two late, as I didn't have change for the meter and had to drive back to the city ramp. As I was racing across the street the courthouse, who pulls up in front but NearlyEx. I pretended not to see him, but he raced up behind me so that we got to the doors together and I had to see him in the glass. I just looked at him and walked in and went towards the courtroom. I just knew it. He texted me this morning asking what time it was (it was in the letter he got). I didn't answer him.

Finally, he asked why I was upset. That he knew I said I'd text him, but why was I upset he was there. I told him I'd hoped he'd respect my request not to be there. He said that my saying I'd text him was not a request -- ? I reminded him of our big discussion last week about it. He says he totally forgot. Whatever. Still badgering me as to why I didn't want him there. I was really starting to get shook up by this time. My lawyer was nowhere to be seen. I didn't want to go into anything emotional, which were the only reasons I didn't want him there. I didn't want to give him that satisfaction. OTOH, my not answering fed into his suspicion that I was going to pull something in court. Finally, he relented and said he would trust me. Grrrr. Then he put out his hand. Really?! That's exactly what I did NOT want. Some show of.....something after it's all over. 

So I went into the courtroom. 9:10 and my lawyer still isn't there. I called her office; she's not in, she has my file, they assume she's on her way. At 9:30 I got a call that it's postponed to 10:30. F me. And I had turned my phone off when I was in the courtroom. I just had happened to turn it back on with the ringer off about 2 minutes before her assistant called. Otherwise, I'd probably still be sitting there, wondering what the F was going on!

So I'm home having a cup of tea for few minutes, putting DS' Valentine gift bag together and trying to calm down a little.

Jeez, I hate that as$hole.


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## BFGuru

So now what? Is it time to go back? How far from the court house do you live?


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## angelpixie

Luckily I don't live far -- about a 5 minute drive. But it's totally screwing up my work day. And the whole thing takes literally less than 5 minutes. Kind of sad on one hand that there's not more to it, considering what havoc it wreaks on people's lives, but those people that I saw getting their divorces were all so happy.


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## TBT

All my good thoughts for you today Angel.


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## Dollystanford

Angel, just imagine me standing behind him making 'throat slitting' motions


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## NoWhere

Dollystanford said:


> Angel, just imagine me standing behind him making 'throat slitting' motions


 I think I'll use that image anytime I'm confronted with someone who bothers me. lol. Awesome stuff Dolly!


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## Orpheus

Welcome to tomorrow, AP. That ball of flame in the sky is the sun and it is shining on you for every day henceforth.


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## muskrat

Good luck AP, hope all goes well.


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## angelpixie

What happens next in the life of the lovable Angelpixie?







Does she find the Angelpixie Dream House?







Does she find love?








Does anything go according to schedule today?









Follow along with the continuing stooooooory (Muppet Show reference, in case you didn't get that) in:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-a...-weight-instantly-ask-me-how.html#post1451088


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## NoWhere

I expected. "Tune in next week, same TAM channel, same TAM time for the thrilling conclusion!"


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## Ikaika

Angel, I hope you are Ok. I understand given the events of this day if you are not up to blogging. I just wanted to check in. Anyway, I really hope you can find some peace under the circumstances. 

Giving you a TAM <<<Hug>>>


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## Stella Moon

Where the f is she??


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## Ikaika

Stella Moon said:


> Where the f is she??


I got this one... I was so clueless... found her

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showpost.php?p=1451088


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## TBT

Stella,she's in the life after divorce forum.Linked in her last post above.


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