# Bored with your spouse... advice?!



## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Over time I have become increasingly bored with my husband.

He's just so boring. He goes to bed so early. He falls asleep before our 3 year old is even asleep! Night time after our son is in bed is our ONLY alone time to talk and spend time together. I look forward to it. BUT... The second his head hits the pillow, he's out. Or if he wants sex...we'll do it, then he'll pass out. I'm soooo bored. He gets more sleep then I do..plus he'll nap some days after work before I get home...and hes still tired! Its so aggravating.

I've even told him that I feel used. I take care of his needs and our son and at the end of the day I just want to unwind and have someone to talk to.

I don't even know what to do. I've tried talking about it but things rarely change..and when they do its only for a day or so. 

Ugh. I need advice. What can I do to make this marriage exciting again?!?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

I hate to ask....but is he over weight or had gained weight? Increasing excercise could help.










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## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

He sounds like my wife 

I usually just start having sex with her. She joins in after a min or two.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Depression is another possibility. 

C
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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Has he alway been like that? When was the last time he saw doctor? Physical and blood work?


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## warriorborn (Aug 15, 2012)

I'm with the others. What's really changed? Can you think back to when it wasn't that way? Have you tried to talk to him about it without saying "I feel used?" He could be going through his own inner hurdles. He may even say you're boring. You never know until you ask.

Also, when you do get him to talk to you, what do you talk about? Is it positive or are you being negative. A lot guys can only take so much of that. Just a thought.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Ano said:


> Over time I have become increasingly bored with my husband.
> 
> He's just so boring. He goes to bed so early. He falls asleep before our 3 year old is even asleep! Night time after our son is in bed is our ONLY alone time to talk and spend time together. I look forward to it. BUT... The second his head hits the pillow, he's out. Or if he wants sex...we'll do it, then he'll pass out. I'm soooo bored. He gets more sleep then I do..plus he'll nap some days after work before I get home...and hes still tired! Its so aggravating.
> 
> ...


I probably won't be able to say this with as much tact as I'd like, but I hope you'll give some thought to it because I think it will cure your boredom if you do.

Bored people are usually boring people. This means that they feel uninspired and unhappy, which are traits that come through when they interact with other people. While you're complaining about your husband being boring, it means he, too, is bored with you. You can't make him change, but if YOU become more interesting to HIM, things will change just as much as if he suddenly shifted gears and became an exciting guy in your life.

Learn new things. Do new things. Celebrate your life. In the process, you'll be more enjoyable to be around and people will be drawn to you - including him.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

KathyBatesel said:


> I probably won't be able to say this with as much tact as I'd like, but I hope you'll give some thought to it because I think it will cure your boredom if you do.
> 
> Bored people are usually boring people. This means that they feel uninspired and unhappy, which are traits that come through when they interact with other people. While you're complaining about your husband being boring, it means he, too, is bored with you. You can't make him change, but if YOU become more interesting to HIM, things will change just as much as if he suddenly shifted gears and became an exciting guy in your life.
> 
> Learn new things. Do new things. Celebrate your life. In the process, you'll be more enjoyable to be around and people will be drawn to you - including him.


:iagree: 

Couldn't agree more! You have to* be *the person you want to see in others. Start with change in yourself and maybe just maybe he'll catch on and join you.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

We laugh and we talk. We text all day every day while at work.

I've asked him if he's depressed. He looked at me like I was crazy and said he isnt.

We generally get along.

As far back as I can remember he's always been tired, BUT, he always was working over nights and going to school during the day..so I didn't think much of it. He's been done with school since last December and since then has been working a normal day shift. But he's still always tired?!? I don't get it.

Having alone time with him every evening is so imporant to me. He knows this.

He's even drinken coffee before bed...but he still falls asleep! I can't remember the last time we watched a movie together. I watch.tv alone while he's asleep.

But..if I start playing on my phone or surfing the web...he's magically awake and is like come here and snuggle with me. ((Get off the phone/computer..hidden context)) Why do I have to be doing something else for him to wanna keep me company? Yet when I'm bored just watching tv alone, he's perfectly content with sleeping at 9pm.


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## LONELY IN VA (Aug 23, 2012)

I know this is no help to you but, I just think men just don't get it!
they don't feel and see things like women. I have grown to think men are just stupid.
No pun intened.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Ano said:


> We laugh and we talk. We text all day every day while at work.
> 
> I've asked him if he's depressed. He looked at me like I was crazy and said he isnt.
> 
> ...


TV may be a boring sleep enducing activity to him. My mom is like this. She's not a tv/movie person and will fall out within 10 minutes unless it's early afternoon or morning when she just woke up.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Ano said:


> We laugh and we talk. We text all day every day while at work.
> 
> I've asked him if he's depressed. He looked at me like I was crazy and said he isnt.
> 
> ...


So what would happen if you stopped texting during the day and spent those evening hours catching up instead?


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

First thing i'd do is turn off the TV!
TV dumbs and numbs you down... have a look at the gormless faces of people when they watch TV. 

Put on some relaxing/energizing (whichever you prefer) music then
do something that requires movement and allows chat... bake a cake together, place chess, naked Twister, DIY projects, hobbies.... the options are endless once you turn the TV off.

Even if he starts off snoozing on the sofa just seeing/hearing you doing 'stuff' will energize him i'm sure!

Doing this is a bonding behavior for the two of you and will help your relationship immensely.... you need at least 15 hours a week of this kind of activity to stay connected and you'll have fun I'm sure!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Hubby and I have the best Scrabble tourney's together. Either that or we play gin rummy or phase 10...or any other board game I have on the shelf. I'm a board game nut, so my collection is pretty good.

TV can kill a relationship really. We have one day we watch prime time shows during the week and then of course Sunday football when the season gets started. I'm excited about football season... we're in a fantasy league together.


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## heartsdelight (Apr 2, 2012)

If he has a history of chronically being tired, he should talk to his doctor and perhaps a sleep specialist. I actually am waiting for my insurance to kick back so I can make an appointment for a sleep doctor.There are several sleeping disorders or other health problems that could cause him to feel the way he does but many people attribute it to laziness or something else. Those people don't realize how debilitating it can be to always be tired.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

LONELY IN VA said:


> I know this is no help to you but, I just think men just don't get it!
> they don't feel and see things like women. I have grown to think men are just stupid.
> No pun intened.


Lol and I'm sure they feel the same about us women.
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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I agree with heartsdelight. Have him taken to a doc to rule out any serious health concerns. My SO gets more sleep then I do as well but he does have some health issues needing addressed, that and his diet effects him as well. What is your husbands eating habits like? How long does he work? How od is he? Does he exersize?
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