# How to remain civil with EX at wedding



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

My "ex" brother in law is getting married in a few weeks. Plus, I'll be one of the groomsmen in the wedding.

And his sister (my EX) is coming.

Both he and his sister have had a terrible relationship ever since her affairs became public. They don't talk anymore and when they do it becomes argumentative/ugly.
This whole time, he and I have remained close. He's the Uncle of my kids, lives close by and is a great role model.
I'm in his wedding as well as my kids. His sister is coming to the wedding (reluctantly I believe because she doesn't want to face all the friends and family (including my sisters and mom)that will be there). It's one of the reasons I believe she ran away to another state.
It's gonna be awkward as hell because many of the friends and family havent seen her since she left 2 years ago. Her brother was even debating having her at his wedding. But in the end, he extended an invitation and she's coming.

So how do I handle this without it seeming so awkward? I'm assuming she'll sit at the same table with me and our kids. And she's going to probably turn on the charm like she usually does when she wants something. After getting lied to so much, I'm just repulsed by her at this point. But I can be the mature type if I need to.
So any suggestions on how to best handle this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Just be civil to her but stay away from her as much as possible. Do not sit next to her or across from her at the table. 

Is there a children's table or will your children be sitting with you?

In many wedding those who are in the wedding party sit at a table together. If this is the case, then your wife will not be sitting anywhere near you.


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

Well you have no option but the tried and true method, grin and bear it. That sucks Houstondad. I wish you all the best. I would also advise to go low on alcohol unless you want to risk being the story of your BIL's wedding that is told for YEARS to come . . .


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'll have this concern in the next few years when perhaps both of my sons come to walk the aisle. Now while they're both somewhat respectful of their wealthy "Stepmom" ~ my XW, I really don't want the skank sitting anywhere close to us at a wedding, more especially on our side of the aisle; and I'd sure as hell wouldn't want to see her at any post-wedding reception activities, that is, not without getting medically checked-out for the presence of crabs or STD's first!*


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

Must you sit at the same table? :scratchhead:


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

2galsmom said:


> Must you sit at the same table? :scratchhead:


If you bring a date that will keep her away from you.


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

Drink a lot of alcohol.....LOL Kidding. You just gotta make the best of it. Try to just keep your distance from her. Once dinner is over, and the dancing starts, I doubt you'll see a lot of her.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

tom67 said:


> If you bring a date that will keep her away from you.


*Not with my XW. With her affluence and stature, and provided whether I had a date or not, she would be brazen enough to come over and make a scene!

Guess I could just tank up on Charro Beans beforehand and give her a trademark personal fragrance! 

It's known as eau de "Green Haze!"*


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

When invitations went out I was dating at the time and I was offered the option of brining her, but we decided not to. We didn't want to create any potential drama.
As tempting as it is to bring a date, I'm going to pass this time.
I asked my BIL about seating arrangements at the reception and he said he didn't know yet. I told him he has 3 weeks left! (I think the Bride already knows haha).
And don't worry about me with the alcohol. My EX on the other hand? I'm willing to bet the house she gets tanked.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Houston, Just went thru something similar last week. (See my thread, "big day for me"). First, remember this is someone's special day, you don't want them remembering your part of it associated with drama, do you? I took the high road, and would recommend it whole heartily! The experience for me was awesome! While not confronted by my x and her POSOM, the gauntlet of her supportive family was weighing heavy on me. I just reminded myself, over and over to have fun, enjoy the day....and I did. Remember the best revenge is to live well, don't give her anything to use as reason for getting rid of you. Make others say to themselves, "wow! What was she thinking?" I came out of "my wedding" with an additional layer of confidence about my situation (can't have enough of that). You can to! Don't be rude, don't be snarky, don't interact if possible. Don't give her a reason, win!


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I have zero clue how to deal with this beyond don't drink at all. 

Like you said HD, let her get tanked and act life the fool.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Just say "hello" and stay away from her. If she's at your table sit away from her and talk to someone else and when you're not eating stay away from her. 

It's a tough situation. Fortunately I've had no reason to see my ex and don't even talk to him. We text about our son and only rarely. My son says my ex hates that I'll only text him but I call the shots these days. It's texting or nothing. 

I'm sure the time will come where I'll have to see him. Hopefully not until my son's graduation in 2016. LOL! I'll treat him like anyone else I don't care much for. Cordial, polite but cold. My recommendation is that you do the same. If she acts up then it's her problem. Not yours.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Take a few deep breaths and hold your head up high and proud. Just remember this is someone else's big day and act accordingly.

And don't forget to enjoy yourself, if you are chatting and socialising with others then it won't leave much room for the ex to annoy you. 

Have fun


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, the wedding was last nite. Of course, with our kids in the wedding, it was impossible to avoid her. She was on her best behavior and was very friendly. I kept my composure the entire time and had fun with everyone there. I figured the best medicine for her, and especially I, was for me to have a great time. And I did. I was much more outgoing with everyone there. My EX was assigned to sit next to the kids and I. At first, I wondered what the bride and groom was thinking when they had me sit near her. But I managed just fine. My Ex didn't shy away from talking to me and I more than held my own in our conversations. But I kept it balanced as I changed my attention to others at appropriate times.
Instead of being cold, I was just the opposite without going overboard. And I could tell it hit home with her that I was a happy person. I also think it was good for my kids to witness. All of this has been hard on them and the least I could do is show them their mom and dad getting along.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Houstondad said:


> Well, the wedding was last nite. Of course, with our kids in the wedding, it was impossible to avoid her. She was on her best behavior and was very friendly. I kept my composure the entire time and had fun with everyone there. I figured the best medicine for her, and especially I, was for me to have a great time. And I did. I was much more outgoing with everyone there. My EX was assigned to sit next to the kids and I. At first, I wondered what the bride and groom was thinking when they had me sit near her. But I managed just fine. My Ex didn't shy away from talking to me and I more than held my own in our conversations. But I kept it balanced as I changed my attention to others at appropriate times.
> Instead of being cold, I was just the opposite without going overboard. And I could tell it hit home with her that I was a happy person. I also think it was good for my kids to witness. All of this has been hard on them and the least I could do is show them their mom and dad getting along.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*You're a good man, Houstondad! I can only pray that I will have the ability to keep the same attitude and tenacity that you had, whenever it comes to "my turn in the barrel!"*


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

HD you are the man..

I couldn't do it.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Classy and perfect. Glad it worked out. And it was good for the kids to see you both like that. 

And you were probably seated together since it's odd for kids to be split when both parents are there. That would be hard for them to have to choose who to sit with plus they provide a buffer. Not to mention it sounds like no one else wanted to sit beside her.


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