# My wife can't forgive herself for cheating on me multiple times and is suicidal now



## anon99999 (Mar 4, 2009)

deleted


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## Unit4 (Mar 15, 2009)

That must be a tough experience for you. It sounds like it may be a pattern, but who can speculate from a computer keyboard what the real issue may be. Did counciling reveal more about the nature of why she would stray? I ask because what is important is a good concept of what to work on. I often ask myself how a womans past can become such a bitter anchor for her? Whether it seems the culmination of spousal dissappointment (my case), or in your case perhaps her shameful history, I have come to believe it is unfortunately all too womanly to to fuel the fire of what didn't work.

You have a lot of capital as the one on higher ground. It doesn't sound fair, as you didn't cause this, but spending that capital acknowleging your depression is sending her to the pit. I guess it helps me understand the hard part of being the man in a marriage where the wife strays. Sometimes we get crucified for not showing our emotions. Sometimes maybe its best we try not to.

I hope I'm not off base. It wouldn't be the first time my perspective has been accused of an inability to repair a relationship without going to a cave to bring something back.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I am sorry to hear about your struggles. You are between a rock and hard place. First off your wife is extremely selfish. To threaten suicide knowing that your children would be home and see her body is monstrous. You are now saddled with a woman who will have sex with other men or threaten to kill herself. "She said she didnt know I cared so much, she just thought I would be upset and move on and the pain of her cheating would be gone." In the first place you know this is a lie, because you never got over her brother doing her. What advice can I give you, other then have her committed and then divorce her. Or the alternative. Is to remain married and wait for the next time she cheats. Because it will happen. 

If your worry is her killing herself. You may as well tell her "that as much as I love you and how hurt I am every time you cheat. I cannot have your death on my conscience. From now on you may openly sleep with other men as long as I know who they are and where you are when it happens. Understand that I can no longer have sex with you, because I cannot risk catching an STD and leaving our children without a father. Not to mention that I simply cannot share you with other men. If you do decide to quit having sex with other men, we can talk about reconciliation. YOU HAVE TO BE OPEN WITH ME THOUGH IF YOU CAN'T STAY FAITHFUL. I WILL STILL NOT DIVORCE YOU. BUT WE WILL HAVE TO LIVE APART SHOULD THAT HAPPEN."


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## anon99999 (Mar 4, 2009)

I think I just realized something last night. I am being conned into staying in this marriage. Without coming out and saying the words she has told me this "If you try to leave me, I am going to kill myself". Well you know what, f-ck that. The thought of one of my kids going to check on mommy and finding out she is dead or overdosing on sleeping pills has put me in the red. Or the thought of them waking up to flashing lights in the driveway from the ambulance and seeing mommy being carried out on a stretcher! AHHH, WTF is she thinking! How f-cking selfish is she? Killing herself would not set anybody free but her. It would condemn us to years, probably decades of pain. I am not comfortable continuing living like this. If she wants to die, I don't by any means wish it upon her, but let her. Just do it somewhere far away from here. I will not let her take the kids and me down with her. If she doesn't want to die and is using suicide as a way to keep me then f-ck her for that too. What kind of life will that be for me and the kids? Probably very similar to the environment she grew up in. I am fairly confident that her dad stayed with her mom for 25 years because she scared him into staying. Well f-ck that too. I am breaking the cycle. My kids are not going to grow up in a household where this type of sh!t is allowed by me. I am ending this sooner than later.

Thank you so much for all your comments. I am feeling very "awake" this morning.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I have an idea! You can have her committed. I think they keep her for 72 hours observation. Move her crap to her parents. Then when she gets out tell her she has to live with them. Tell her that she has to stay there until you are convinced that she is no longer suicidal and that you can't risk her killing herself where the kids can find her body. You just never let her come back. Then you simply file for divorce while she is at her parents. Think about this. You renew your vows, and she sleeps with 2 men within four months. And then she comes out and tells you that she thought you didn't care. Or that you would get mad like when your brother did her and then just forgive her. She actually thought she could screw other guys and you would only be mad for awhile. I am glad you are not being coerced by her threats. Its time to move on and find a woman who won't gamble on screwing other guys on the confidence that you would just get mad and look the other way. SHE IS SUCH A SKANK.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

If she has had multiple affairs and contemplating suicide, she obviously has some deeper issues she needs to resolve. I would forgo the marriage counseling for now and get her individual professional help.


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## Blue (Mar 17, 2009)

Whatever is going on with your wife, she does need to be evaluted. Maybe she's bi polar too, but she does have depression.

The threats of suicide is totally manipulative on her behalf, it's her way of coping and denying so she doesn't have to take responsibility for her selfish choices (cheating over and over again.)..

This has NOTHING to do with you, she's broken inside and whatever she's trying to find outside of the marriage is just a bandaid. She (right now) isn't the woman you married, she's become a selfish and cruel person, someone who puts her own needs above yours and the kids. 

I agree with Swedish, your wife needs to fix herself before she can fix things in the marriage with you.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

You took the words right out of my mouth! You have to show your kids that marriage can and should be different. I do agree with the other person who said have her committed and then leave her. At least you did your part, you tried to protect her from herself. She may have deep psychological problems and be very serious about killing herself in which case get her committed, sounds like you have cause and file for full custody to protect them from what you described. Or .... she has no intention and she is manipulating the hell out of you making you the guilty party! I read that in affairs the one who has the affair finds a way to make it the other person's fault transferring guilt. Well she's doing a hell of a number of transferring guilt to you. So she can do whatever the heck she likes and you must stay with her. It doesn't work that way. You deserve to be happy. This time its about you. She had THREE chances... jeez I'm trying to figure out if I can forgive my husband once. I don't care what he threatened to do, if he did it again he's out.


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## Tim (Mar 24, 2009)

My friend, I doubt you still frequent these forums as it seems you have moved on...but in case you do....

Has she ever told you that she feels "empty" or "I dont know who I am"?

Are her opinions easily swayed depending on who she is talking to?

Does she have an uncontrollable smile in social situations?

Does she flirt with men, and if she tells you about it, is it a story about some creep that "wouldn't stop bothering me" ...? Are these stories told daily?

Does she feel the need to quit her job to find something more exciting? Has she ever fantasized about leaving the area for some dream-like land?

Does she have 'porn star sex' in bed? 

Is she critical of her appearance?

If you answer yes to most of these questions....

please follow this link psychForums : psychology & mental health forums. :: View Forum - Histrionic Personality Disorder Forum

You might want to look into other personality disorders if this just doesnt ring a bell.


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## someguy (Dec 8, 2009)

I am sorry to hear this. Your first post is deleted to I can only guess what you said but your situation sounds a little familiar. We did not have kids and that helped a lot.
I think you need to ask for professional help, seek help from her parents too, definitely.

Have a look at this page about controlling people, it describes my ex as if the author knew her personally. And sorry if it sounds like spam.
Controlling Relationships Sec. 16 - Warning Signs you are Involved with a “Controller”


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## wasted_life (Dec 3, 2013)

wow...you must be living my life. I find myself in a similar situation, she's cheated multiple times and now she's threatening suicide. this is what i think you should do, get her to go through counseling, and when she's stable divorce her. atleast it looks like that will work for me, when we talk about divorce now, she is not so hysterical and eventually we'll get the divorce. best of luck


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

swedish said:


> If she has had multiple affairs and contemplating suicide, she obviously has some deeper issues she needs to resolve. I would forgo the marriage counseling for now and get her individual professional help.


This is the best advice for the OP.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Zombie thread from 2009 guys.


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