# ED and prostatectomy



## Jra8436 (18 d ago)

Hello all! I am 38 and my husband is 46. He got prostate cancer in October 2021 and, had his prostate removed that December 2021. He has not had an erection, yet! We have gone without sex for ONE year. I’ve never had a “Super charged libido” but, as of lately, I’ve been so frustrated. He has tried everything he can from viagra, to penis injections ect. He wants to very bad have it back ad much as I do. I’ve been fantasizing about sex with another man a lot lately. He can still achieve an orgasm, just not get hard. . Playing with ourselves next to each other is getting… well, old. I even have fantasies about this other man about where and when we can do it. I seriously don’t think I could do this but, idk what to do! Just wanted to vent to something or someONE. Thanks for reading


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## Gracie0212 (18 d ago)

I am a bit confused, is there already someone else you are fantasising about or are you just fantasising about anyone?


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Usually the injections will work if there is no serious damage. Have you tried pumps?

If the doctors confirm that nothing else is going to work, have you looked into penile implants? Many men with implants are pleased with them. Well at least in contrast to the alternative.

I have heard other men encouraging their wives to go find a man who can please them like a man should... Sad.

I avoided the ED and incontinence by having radiation treatments instead, so am going by posts by other men on a forum I moderate called ProstateCancer.net.

Diana Richardson has a book called "Slow Sex". Much is about enjoying sexual arousal and tension without penetration. She also describes "soft entry" where the woman feeds the man's flaccid penis into her vagina. (I'd love to meet a woman hot enough to pull that off.)

My wife has not been able to have intercourse on over 26 years. I am a very sexual 77 year old. We learned to do non penetrative moves that I find pretty hot.


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## Husbandjohndoe (2 mo ago)

I feel bad for your husband . Reverse it. How would you like that ?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Wow, this is rough. I feel bad for your husband because he has really been trying but it sounds like you already have an affair partner lined up. I don’t know what type of history you Teo had together but it must have not meant much to you if a year later him going through such a traumatic experience and trying everything to meet your needs, you’re this close to stepping out on him.


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## Jra8436 (18 d ago)

jsmart said:


> Wow, this is rough. I feel bad for your husband because he has really been trying but it sounds like you already have an affair partner lined up. I don’t know what type of history you Teo had together but it must have not meant much to you if a year later him going through such a traumatic experience and trying everything to meet your needs, you’re this close to stepping out on him.


I don’t have an affair partner lined up… I just fantasize about having one sometimes. This was meant to just vent and, maybe get some advice.


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## Jra8436 (18 d ago)

Gracie0212 said:


> I am a bit confused, is there already someone else you are fantasising about or are you just fantasising about anyone?


Not anyone in particular, no


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## Jra8436 (18 d ago)

Julie's Husband said:


> Usually the injections will work if there is no serious damage. Have you tried pumps?
> 
> If the doctors confirm that nothing else is going to work, have you looked into penile implants? Many men with implants are pleased with them. Well at least in contrast to the alternative.
> 
> ...


It’s been about 6 months since he’s tried the injections… maybe I’ll mention trying it again. And he does have a penis pump. It works while it’s in there but, as soon as he takes it out, it goes limp again.


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## Jra8436 (18 d ago)

Gracie0212 said:


> I am a bit confused, is there already someone else you are fantasising about or are you just fantasising about anyone?





Gracie0212 said:


> I am a bit confused, is there already someone else you are fantasising about or are you just fantasising about anyone?


Nobody in particular… I just fantasize sometimes


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

What do his Dr's say about this after one year?


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## Gracie0212 (18 d ago)

Jra8436 said:


> Nobody in particular… I just fantasize sometimes


Thats something I guess at least there is no one else


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Jra8436 said:


> ... I am 38 and my husband is 46. He got prostate cancer in October 2021 and, had his prostate removed that December 2021. He has not had an erection, yet! We have gone without sex for ONE year. .....He has tried everything he can from viagra, to penis injections ect. He wants to very bad have it back ad much as I do. *I’ve been fantasizing about sex with another man a lot *lately. He can still achieve an orgasm, just not get hard. . Playing with ourselves next to each *other is getting… well, old*. *I even have fantasies about this other man about* where and when we can do it. * I seriously don’t think I could do this but, idk what to do!* Just wanted to vent to something or someONE. Thanks for reading





Jra8436 said:


> *I don’t have an affair partner lined up*… I just fantasize about having one sometimes. This was meant to just vent and, maybe get some advice.





Jra8436 said:


> I*t’s been about 6 months since he’s tried the injections*… maybe I’ll mention trying it again. And *he does have a penis pump*. It works while it’s in there but, as soon as he takes it out, it goes limp again.


OK, venting is good. Feel free.

Working with a sex therapist is my suggestion. Also there are older sexperts, like Joan Price that may help provide you with ideas. I once heard a Doctor describe Tri-mix injections as being able to raise the dead, so giving them a try is a good idea. Also pumps are supposed to be used in combination with a constricting ring that is applied before the pump pressure is decreased and the pump is removed. The proper use of the constricting ring is what maintains the erection. Also there are penis sleeves (think of it as a very thick condom or half condom that will add rigidity to the penis- some even allow the tip to stick out for sensations).

A good sex therapist and doctor should be able to provide you with some options.

My wife and I worked with a great Sex Therapist and marriage counselor who helped save our sex starved marriage. The Sex Therapist helped us reintroduce sensual touch, sexual touch and sex back into our marriage. 

There is an interesting book called Still Sexy After All these Years that you might want to read. It is based on interviews with many older women who are widowed, divorced, have husbands with medical conditions that prevent sex and how they maintain sexuality, sensuality and a sense of purpose in their golden years. 

Good luck to you. Having been in a sex starved marriage, I know how hard it is not to have the sex you want and need and how important making love is to emotional connection of bonding.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Jra8436 said:


> It’s been about 6 months since he’s tried the injections… maybe I’ll mention trying it again. And he does have a penis pump. It works while it’s in there but, as soon as he takes it out, it goes limp again.


Is he using a penis ring to keep the blood in? I tried this once when my wife and I were experimenting with how to have sex when I was castrate. I didn't like it. but many men use them.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Jra8436 said:


> Hello all! I am 38 and my husband is 46. He got prostate cancer in October 2021 and, had his prostate removed that December 2021. He has not had an erection, yet! We have gone without sex for ONE year. I’ve never had a “Super charged libido” but, as of lately, I’ve been so frustrated. He has tried everything he can from viagra, to penis injections ect. He wants to very bad have it back ad much as I do. I’ve been fantasizing about sex with another man a lot lately. He can still achieve an orgasm, just not get hard. . Playing with ourselves next to each other is getting… well, old. I even have fantasies about this other man about where and when we can do it. I seriously don’t think I could do this but, idk what to do! Just wanted to vent to something or someONE. Thanks for reading


Have him get a 3 part Penile implant and pump.

One problem solved.

Thee other is for you to resolve.


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## Mr. Rocksteady89 (25 d ago)

Jra8436 said:


> Hello all! I am 38 and my husband is 46. He got prostate cancer in October 2021 and, had his prostate removed that December 2021. He has not had an erection, yet! We have gone without sex for ONE year. I’ve never had a “Super charged libido” but, as of lately, I’ve been so frustrated. He has tried everything he can from viagra, to penis injections ect. He wants to very bad have it back ad much as I do. I’ve been fantasizing about sex with another man a lot lately. He can still achieve an orgasm, just not get hard. . Playing with ourselves next to each other is getting… well, old. I even have fantasies about this other man about where and when we can do it. I seriously don’t think I could do this but, idk what to do! Just wanted to vent to something or someONE. Thanks for reading


Do you research on sleeves. All I know about them is that they exist. It's 2022, so I imagine they're customizable to be worn by men that can't achieve an erection. I also assume that it would be relatively inexpensive compared to treatments or surgeries. It will obviously be different than the real thing, but at least it will give him the ability to feel that he is an active participate in pleasuring you. Once your fulfilled, he can get pleasured in whatever way brings him to an orgasm.


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## mwise003 (1 mo ago)

Mr. Rocksteady89 said:


> Do you research on sleeves. All I know about them is that they exist. It's 2022, so I imagine they're customizable to be worn by men that can't achieve an erection. I also assume that it would be relatively inexpensive compared to treatments or surgeries. It will obviously be different than the real thing, but at least it will give him the ability to feel that he is an active participate in pleasuring you. Once your fulfilled, he can get pleasured in whatever way brings him to an orgasm.


I think a sleeve is a good idea, however, I don't think it would be easy to get on without an erection. Sleeves are normally used by the man to give the woman a different feel, whether that's texture, fullness, or deeper sensation. They are a really tight fit so they don't slip off.
Maybe a hollow strap-on would work better?


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## Mr. Rocksteady89 (25 d ago)

mwise003 said:


> I think a sleeve is a good idea, however, I don't think it would be easy to get on without an erection. Sleeves are normally used by the man to give the woman a different feel, whether that's texture, fullness, or deeper sensation. They are a really tight fit so they don't slip off.
> Maybe a hollow strap-on would work better?


Sure, that would work too. I think his "buy-in" would be successful if the replacement unit was as close to his normal erected size, shape, and feel as possible. He's going to be relying on visualization for the most part, so it will help for it to look like his own. You might get some prideful pushback is there is a very noticeable difference between the two. Generally speaking, men are very sensitive and prideful when it comes to their members. Hope that helps.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

One gent in a study used a strap on dildo on advice from a lesbian friend. His partner stimulated his penis while he thrust the dildo. He experienced multiple orgasms this way and his partner seems to have been satisfied.


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## Mr. Rocksteady89 (25 d ago)

Mr. Rocksteady89 said:


> Sure, that would work too. I think his "buy-in" would be successful if the replacement unit was as close to his normal erected size, shape, and feel as possible. He's going to be relying on visualization for the most part, so it will help for it to look like his own. You might get some prideful pushback is there is a very noticeable difference between the two. Generally speaking, men are very sensitive and prideful when it comes to their members. Hope that helps.


My "hope this helps" comment is for the OP.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

If you want to try a sleeve, google "penis sleeve with open tip." Get one that is real stretchy. Some of them come with a loop that attached them to the man's scrotum. You might also try it with a good quality penis constricting ring, like a Tantus penis ring or a RingO Ritz..

In my youth, while working construction, one really old guy would always be carving a dildo out of wood during the end of his lunch break. He said after he was done carving it he would sand it super smooth and then oil it. He said he liked to hold it against his thigh while he had sex with the ladies. He seemed to enjoy that, but I have no idea how his lady friends enjoyed it.

Good luck


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jra8436 said:


> Hello all! I am 38 and my husband is 46. He got prostate cancer in October 2021 and, had his prostate removed that December 2021. He has not had an erection, yet! We have gone without sex for ONE year. I’ve never had a “Super charged libido” but, as of lately, I’ve been so frustrated. He has tried everything he can from viagra, to penis injections ect. He wants to very bad have it back ad much as I do. I’ve been fantasizing about sex with another man a lot lately. He can still achieve an orgasm, just not get hard. . Playing with ourselves next to each other is getting… well, old. I even have fantasies about this other man about where and when we can do it. I seriously don’t think I could do this but, idk what to do! Just wanted to vent to something or someONE. Thanks for reading





Jra8436 said:


> Hello all! I am 38 and my husband is 46. He got prostate cancer in October 2021 and, had his prostate removed that December 2021. He has not had an erection, yet! We have gone without sex for ONE year. I’ve never had a “Super charged libido” but, as of lately, I’ve been so frustrated. He has tried everything he can from viagra, to penis injections ect. He wants to very bad have it back ad much as I do. I’ve been fantasizing about sex with another man a lot lately. He can still achieve an orgasm, just not get hard. . Playing with ourselves next to each other is getting… well, old. I even have fantasies about this other man about where and when we can do it. I seriously don’t think I could do this but, idk what to do! Just wanted to vent to something or someONE. Thanks for reading


Been where your husband is. Got the tee shirt. Wife has been where you are. Sorry, my "down time" lasted about a year too. His nerve bundle was obviously damaged like mine was. Mine regenerated itself. FWIW, mine was two decades ago. And we have PIV every day and twice some days now. We are in our seventies. 

Just be be clear, my wife is a saint to have "waited" for me to recover. We stayed close by other means, which you are both surely utilizing. As you mention, it gets old. For both spouses. The surgeon never told use the h3ll we were in for. If he had told me, I would have told him to forget surgery and taken by chances with the cancer. At least I would have been at worst case dead, instead of living as less than a man. 

I can't tell YOU what to do. I feel bad for the spot you are in. But have no advice. Maybe a wife who has been through it and came out the other side could advise over in the Womens Lounge section.

But I would have told your husband on day one to demand a referral to an expert in restoring function instead of just waiting for nature to take it's course. I wish someone would have told me what to do. I am wondering if TriMix injected into his penis would give him an erection even with the nerve bundle damaged. I honestly have never used it, but it bypasses the mechanism that the PDE5 inhibitors use. Of course vacuum pump and prosthetic are the other options. That is about it as far as I know. Your husband has surely explored all possible options already, 

Hate to say it, but some guys never recover function. So maybe there isn't a solution that you can live with. A lot of marriages don't survive this treatment.

Oh, one other thing. He needs to get his BMI to normal and get into cardio and strength exercise program. Both helped me a lot. If he has incontinence, gettimg weight down will help immensely.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Julie's Husband said:


> Usually the injections will work if there is no serious damage. Have you tried pumps?


@Jra8436 , if for some strange reason your husband hasn't tried the Bimix, Trimix or Qradramix injections ( surely he has done this already ), they are quick to try in the doctors office. If they work, your problem is pretty much solved. FWIW, the porn stars used this in the days before viagra to manage the rigorous demands of their profession. 

In my case, my doctors (nor anyone else) said anything of this stuff. So we suffered in quiet despair for nearly a year before "signs of progress" appeared. 

If he hasn't tried it, get him to do so. I know it sounds really painful, but am told by those who us it that isn't true at all. The needle used is an insulin needle which is very thin, and the injection needn't be very deep. The results will be nearly immediate and last for 30 minutes or so..



Julie's Husband said:


> If the doctors confirm that nothing else is going to work, have you looked into penile implants? Many men with implants are pleased with them. Well at least in contrast to the alternative.


This operation is rather expensive ( thousands ), and usually not covered by any insurance. Also, once that operation is done, there is no going back to the original equipment. It is also prone to all of the usual surgical risks, like infection. The implant can malfunction at any time, necessitating more surgery to repair.

The men who are pleased were the ones where it worked and they had no disasters. The men who ended up amputated aren't talking about their experience. In my case, this is where I drew the line. Had already been incapacitated by surgery, no interest in any more for any reason.


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## Jra8436 (18 d ago)

Rus47 said:


> @Jra8436 , if for some strange reason your husband hasn't tried the Bimix, Trimix or Qradramix injections ( surely he has done this already ), they are quick to try in the doctors office. If they work, your problem is pretty much solved. FWIW, the porn stars used this in the days before viagra to manage the rigorous demands of their profession.
> 
> In my case, my doctors (nor anyone else) said anything of this stuff. So we suffered in quiet despair for nearly a year before "signs of progress" appeared.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your reply. How long ago did you have your surgery? Can you “function” normally now, or have to rely on a pill?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jra8436 said:


> Thank you for your reply. How long ago did you have your surgery? Can you “function” normally now, or have to rely on a pill?


I had my surgery more than two decades ago. My function started returning about 1 year after and back to normal about 2 years after. A long struggle. I function very normally now, in my seventies. Wife and I engage in PIV every afternoon. Sometimes morning and afternoon. The only difference now from before prostate removal is of course my orgasms are dry. A big regret of course, but nothing to be done about that. 

I inject Testosterone now. React about as I did when in my 20s. But my wife has always easily called me to duty. My wife's libido jumped up about three years ago and she was wanting PIV more than I could deliver, so started using Siledenifil or Taldenafil for awhile but sometimes that had no effect. Since beginning injection use no pills. Her libido has dropped off some, 8-11 a week is our norm now. FWIW she is older than me. So much for menopause, she is not on any HRT.


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## Jra8436 (18 d ago)

Rus47 said:


> I had my surgery more than two decades ago. My function started returning about 1 year after and back to normal about 2 years after. A long struggle. I function very normally now, in my seventies. Wife and I engage in PIV every afternoon. Sometimes morning and afternoon. The only difference now from before prostate removal is of course my orgasms are dry. A big regret of course, but nothing to be done about that.
> 
> I inject Testosterone now. React about as I did when in my 20s. But my wife has always easily called me to duty. My wife's libido jumped up about three years ago and she was wanting PIV more than I could deliver, so started using Siledenifil or Taldenafil for awhile but sometimes that had no effect. Since beginning injection use no pills. Her libido has dropped off some, 8-11 a week is our norm now. FWIW she is older than me. So much for menopause, she is not on any HRT.


That’s great to hear for you!! It’s been 1 year as of December 23rd. He does get a little “hard”. Maybe after another year and, we continue to try what we’re doing, he will be where you are. As of right now- the viagra does not work. I feel it may be too soon to try the injections. Thanks a lot of all your advice! ❤


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jra8436 said:


> That’s great to hear for you!! It’s been 1 year as of December 23rd. He does get a little “hard”. Maybe after another year and, we continue to try what we’re doing, he will be where you are. As of right now- the viagra does not work. I feel it may be too soon to try the injections. Thanks a lot of all your advice! ❤


Well, IMO he ought to go to urologist and try the Trimix in the office ASAP. It only takes about 15 minutes for a "demo" in the doctors office. When I was wanting to inject T, the first two urologists I visited were pushing me to try Trimix right on the spot. The first one, when I described the fact that viagra sometimes didn't work for me said "We will have you ready for action in 15 minutes". I told him, I would need to consult with my wife lol. You could go with him as moral support. The urologists are eager for some reason to prescribe the stuff these days. When I got operated on, no doctor said anything about it and I was too dumb to ask,

Again, IMO waiting another day without actively seeking help from a competent physician is not an option. What if the Trimix made him hard as a rock in 15 minutes and lasted until he orgasms He could only use it 3 times a week, so there is that. That is why I refused it cuz wife was wanting it three times a day.

Wouldn't that be worth discovering ASAP for both of you? A consult with the doctor including that trial is one visit. If someone had told me way beck when that such a thing existed, I would have been knocking the doctor's door down to try it.

Lastly, why don't you consult with the women's lounge forum here and see what other wives have done in your situation? Surely there are some who have walked in your moccasins.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Jra8436 said:


> That’s great to hear for you!! It’s been 1 year as of December 23rd. He does get a little “hard”. Maybe after another year and, we continue to try what we’re doing, he will be where you are. As of right now- the viagra does not work. I feel it may be too soon to try the injections. Thanks a lot of all your advice! ❤


Lack of erections can cause permanent atrophy. The erectile tissue needs oxygenated blood to remain healthy and erection supply the blood.


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## lmucamac (5 mo ago)

Even women who have satisfying sexual lives may occasionally fanta size about someone else. This is normal. However, if it’s about a person you know, you’re in the danger zone. 

Its time to get creative. Visit an adult store together and buy some toys. Seek the help of a sex therapist.

Many couples do not have sexual relationships, but they do share intimacy, love, and respect.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

lmucamac said:


> Its time to get creative. Visit an adult store together and buy some toys. Seek the help of a sex therapist.


Hopefully they have already been as creative as possible. She is craving PIV with a hard male unit. A sex therapist would only be helpful if they could advise how to get him to rise to the occasion. IMO, money better spent with physician competent dealing with male sexusl dysfunction.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

OP: Get your husband to start posting on The Excel Male forum. Tons of very knowledgeable folks there with expertise in this department.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

@Jra8436 , I did some surfing and found following: “I had both nerve bundles removed and use trimix with good results. It does take 0.25 for it to work and only lasts one hour.”

This was among a bunch of affirmative responses regarding using Trimix after prostate removal and major nerve damage. So seems there is hope for you and your husband.

When you say he is beginning to have some response, that is even better. The end of your trials may be soon. Valentines Day maybe?


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## Beerhunter (5 mo ago)

I'm four weeks out from my prostatectomy. After researching and digesting everything I could about the procedure and rehab I made sure the doctor was onboard and aware of the fact that I wanted to ensure we did penile therapy. Its good that he's tried the pump and has exercised his member, without regular erections or at least blood flow, the penis can atrophy. I'd highly recommend he get to the doctor and discuss the various injections that stimulate an erection; the longer it goes on, the less likely a positive outcome. I hope both you and your husband can weather this together, prostate cancer isn't a male only disease, its a couple's disease and both partners require grace and support.


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