# Husband Losing Interest in Sex...



## tonygunner007 (Apr 24, 2015)

It's called the Coolidge effect: a situation where the husband begins to lose interest in sex. I learned about it while researching for my new eBook.

My question is...

How has this effect affected your marriage? Guys how have you been dealing with it? Ladies how have you been coping?

You can learn about it on Wikipedia... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i am not familiar with the Coolidge effect, i know personally i suffer from "Nada Effect"...i ask for sex and i hear Nada Happening. ;-)


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Its bet 25 years and I haven't lost interest in my wife.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

The only times I have lost interest in sex with my wife was more a defensive response when times were few and far between in the bedroom.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

My husband lost interest about four years ago and it used to bother me a lot. I think my defense mechanism finally kicked in and there have been periods lasting months that I don't even think about sex. The funny thing is, he has been showing more of an interest lately and I really couldn't care less. Ironic, huh?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A book that you might find interesting

Why Men Stop Having Sex: Men, the Phenomenon of Sexless Relationships, and What You Can Do About It


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How to cope? Get a divorce.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

My husband refused sex a lot/turned me down often for 2 and half years. He always said he was "too tired", "had a headache", "felt sick", "was too stressed out", and so on. It was extremely frustrating, but that has changed a lot since my husband got a new job and we've talked a lot about that previous issue. We have a good sex life now and he doesn't use those excuses anymore.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Lol on the Cooledge joke.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> Its bet 25 years and I haven't lost interest in my wife.


You haven't had sex w/ your wife in 25 years...?


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## Dragunov (May 21, 2015)

tonygunner007 said:


> ... the Coolidge effect: a situation where the husband begins to lose interest in sex...


Which is in contrast to the phenomenon where the wife loses all interest in sex, which is called marriage.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

I have lost a lot of interest in having sex with my wife. Most of my reasoning is purely psychological. I M a high drive and she is a low drive.after years of constant rejection, perceivable pity sex, and feelings of in adequacy due to her lack of interest, I do find it hard to get in the mood.

Intheory: I have personally found a link between lower back tension/pain and the loss of orgasmic pleasure. Muscles tighten up which in turn moves the bones into different positions that can squeeze the nerves just like putting a bend in a hose holds back the water flow. This I have found through Internet research can cause orgasms to not be what they once were. 

Also, if you have lower back pain and feels it is inhibiting him sexually, he could be suffering Erectile dysfunction and does not want to be embarrassed by it by making love. Try not to hate him for it. I also don't believe there is a husband or wife alive who would not be at least a little excited at the prospect of having a new younger lover! Just my opinion.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I'm not getting it so far.

the 'coolige effect' per the link seems to be about the evolutionary/biological need for men to
'spread their seed'; hence they get tired of their current wives and feel impulses to get other women pregnant.
I'm not sure I buy this at all, but that's for another thread, so lets just say there's validity to the 'coolige effect'.

so, how does that relate to 'husband loses interest in sex?'
Coolige says that husband does not lose interest in sex, but only in his present mate, because he needs to move on to spread his seed?

I'm more interested in the practical matters of how we keep the juices flowing as the years go by and after hundreds of or thousands of sessions with
the same person. My wife is still beautiful to me, but I have to admit, that when I see her naked now, it doesn't have nearly the same effect it once did.

The arousal factor now needs to be helped by her quite a bit. How do we deal with this as the years go by?
I want to love her as much as intensely as our wedding night, and so far I'd say were doing an ok job, but I see the future looming where
this could start to be a problem.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Here is my definition:

*Coolidge effect* - a convenient excuse to blame a failing relationship based on fading lust on one's inability to begin or maintain a basic friendship with the opposite sex. Also known as SADD Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder. 

As for me and my wife, sex is infinitely better from when we were started two decades ago and it keeps getting better. The idea of someone new seems so lame and boring as I would have to start all over again and work my way back up to a level of intimacy that takes decades to establish. 

Good luck with your research! Most of the generation today is all about _unlimited instant gratification_, so they will likely buy into the idea of the coolidge effect while hopping from one relationship to the next. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

badsanta said:


> Here is my definition:
> 
> *Coolidge effect* - a convenient excuse to blame a failing relationship based on fading lust on one's inability to begin or maintain a basic friendship with the opposite sex. Also known as SADD Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder.
> 
> ...


I wish more spouses had this attitude!!


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Intheory: I have personally found a link between lower back tension/pain and the loss of orgasmic pleasure. Muscles tighten up which in turn moves the bones into different positions that can squeeze the nerves just like putting a bend in a hose holds back the water flow. This I have found through Internet research can cause orgasms to not be what they once were.


I can say that I was in a car accident several years ago and that holds true for me as well, not only does it just doesn't feel the same and that positions that used to be great pinch and hurt now, despite the fact that I weight 80 lbs less now. Even when I get a therapeutic massage/have recently been to the chiropractor and my back otherwise feels fine even great even, something isn't quite right.

I'm frustrating because there's little that can be done about it. So, I just tend to fake it til I make it, and enjoy the emotional connection with sex even if an O is fairly rare. I hasn't really affected the frequency, but it is frustrating and kind of depressing sometimes. 

Yes, I realize I just confessed to kind of faking it, but it's nothing my husband can help and it's in no way his fault, so I figure he doesn't need that burden.


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## tonygunner007 (Apr 24, 2015)

jorgegene said:


> I'm not getting it so far.
> 
> the 'coolige effect' per the link seems to be about the evolutionary/biological need for men to
> 'spread their seed'; hence they get tired of their current wives and feel impulses to get other women pregnant.
> ...


Doing exciting things together like being in a sport team together or dancing can help. the feeling of excitement affects perception. It makes things - including your wife - more attractive.

Conquering challenges together is another one. It makes you both see yourselves in a different light. It's like when you first met and didn't know much about her. That mystery made her more exciting - you wanted to know more. 

Now that you've known much about her, that excitement would have dropped and affected her attractiveness. By conquering challenges together, you begin to see the sides in her you didn't know. 

These are just some of the points I've been uncovering in my research. I'll keep you updated.


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