# husband calling kids names



## spritza

my husband works away from home on a 4 week away/home rotation. when he gets home he does his best to insinuate (he's so passive aggressive) that I'm a lousy mother and he dives right into being Mr Responsible Father. All this means is that from when I open my eyes in the morning he asks what I'm cooking for dinner that night, and come 5pm starts telling me what I should be doing etc. I understand how he might want to compensate for being away so much but when he gets upset with the kids (5, 7, 9) which is often and starts yelling at the kids (again, often) and then calling them names to their faces e.g. nasty little girl, ****head, numbnuts etc...... I've decided I'm getting out of the marriage (step 1, god knows how many more to go) but until I manage to separate how do I deal with his potty mouth and bad behaviour around the kids?


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## momof6girls

this can be a hard one and it depends on his temperment.... my hubby kinda does that or use to... he would say he was playing... and i didn't like it so... every time he would say that i would comment thats not nice (almost like i would the child) and or if not a man to do that to... then something like the kids are starting to think ok to use that kinda of language and its not good...

seems like there is more to the story since you said you are looking to leave so i understand communication may not be the best... but do explain to the children that potty mouth even by adults is not good.... an i hope they don't learn from him...

sadly if he can't see that then he would have to be the one to want to stop it...


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## turnera

Unless he is physically abusive, you tell him ahead of time that you will not accept disrespect any more, and you certainly won't accept it for your kids - you give him warning that from now on if he insists on doing it, you will remove yourself and the kids from his presence. Tell him you will return later and try again. Have your keys handy at all times, your purse in your car, and leave. Go away for 30 minutes to the park or store, and come home. If he does it again, leave again. 

You have to let him know you are serious. This is really hard work, at first, but you HAVE to do it for your kids' sakes. They HAVE to see you defending them, or they will grow to accept it and will be messed up for life.

As for the passive aggressiveness, my first instinct is to keep a small whiteboard near you at all times. Every comment he makes, write it down; at the end of the day, show him how many comments he has made that are obviously directed toward belittling or controlling you. Point out that is the one reason you are considering leaving him.

Give him the opportunity to recognize it and shape up.


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