# Need to talk to someone!



## Gwynne (Nov 1, 2010)

Sorry if this is a long post but I feel like if I don't tell someone the full truth and talk to someone i'm going to go mad! 
My husband and I have been friends since we were 16 and got together when we were 27. For the first year of our relationship my husband had a stable job everything was great and we decided to move in together, things seemed so right so I agreed to help him set up his own business. This never really took off and really we have had financial problems ever since. Things got so bad financially it pushed me to the edge and I made him get a job but he has never really settled into a job since. 
To say my husband has had a hard life is an understatement his mum died in tragic accident 10 years ago and his father has put him through hell and back by doing dishonest things that have regularly got him in trouble with the law so I do understand things haven't been easy but I feel like I'm carrying the burden of the things that he's been through in his life. 
i've been married now for just over a year and although I hate to say this it has been one of the worst years of my life. I went into my marriage knowing that my husband had money problems but he had just taken a secure job and I really thought things were going to change I really never imagined how the rest of the year would unravel. 

What I never truly realised when I married him was the extent of his troubles and how much he was lying to me even though I gave him every opportunity to be honest with me he still lied. He had got himself into such a ridiculous situation that he was ashamed to tell me. I don't know to what extent but i'm also sure that through this he has also had a drug problem and this was part of the reason he was in this mess.
Things started to unravel in May when it turned out he was taking money from his job to pay his debt and he got sacked. Admittingly things haven't been easy in his family life during this time but that was 5 and a 1/2 months ago and he still doesn't have a full time job. He has been trying for the past 5 months to set up on his own again even though this is what got us in this situation in the first place against all my requests for him to get a job as I couldn't cope with the pressure of financing our life and keeping up the payments on all our bills.

Anyway here we are now because of all the financial problems thank god we put having a baby on hold, i've had to take on a new job to keep up with the bills and we've also put our home on the market to help us financially. Unfortunately i've got to the point where i've hit rock bottom and because of this it has really changed the way I feel about him. 
We argue badly and say some really horrible things to each other and if i'm really honest i'm not sure I love him anymore but the guilt of leaving him after such a short marriage and after everything he's been through is eating me up inside. I wake up at 4am everyday tormenting myself with questions but just don't know which way to turn. I want to believe he'll change but for some reason I think the realisation that he won't has really hit me.


----------



## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

He's been lying from the get-go.
I say it's time for you to get on with your life and for him to take responsibility for himself.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It sounds like you tell him what you want, but he does what he wants anyway. Try telling him that you're done with that, and if he doesn't agree to step up, you're moving out without him.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You have married a dishonest man who apparently was raised by a dishonest father. He systematically lies to you and lies and steals from his employer. Like pregnancy, either a person is honest or they aren't. Anyone of reasonable intelligence can learn a trade or obtain an education, but a broken character is nearly impossible to fix. You have been married only a short while but you have invested 12 years (nearly half your life) into this relationship. His choice to use illegal drugs wasn't your choice. His choice to lie and steal from his boss wasn't your choice. 
Some women do manage to live their entire lives with men who have serious character flaws. I haven't met any happy women who do but I know some manage to make it work. If you were my daughter, I would urge you to just get out. I wouldn't want a dishonest man raising my grandchildren. I wouldn't care how wealthy, intelligent, or good looking he was. Better to live in a cardboard box and eat canned beans with an honest man than to live in a mansion with a dishonest one. That's just my opinion.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

As hard as it is to hear, I too, if I was your mother, would move heaven & earth to get my daughter out of such a marraige. Better to realize all of this NOW than before you have children together. 

If you have not seen him display discipline in the past to accomplish even small goals, Be assured this will not likely happen as he ages.


----------

