# Im exhausted mentally and Im emotionally and physically lonely.



## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

My h has been gone almost a month now. He did come over xmas and his family. Nothing new there. All he really said was how much weight had I lost like it was a competition or something. Im depressed that seems to follow anger. I know time is the only thing that will help. I guess im just lonely because when he was living here he was an adult presence. There was always the possibility of connection. This is why I hate sorrow and pity because it makes me depressed and tired. I seem to deal better and have more energy when Im mad about it. But I cant choose. I dont know what set me off but this is the place I was when he first told me. Maybe it was a movie. Maybe its the fact that it was a four day weekend. Whatever it is I hate it. Its like Im craving or something. Does anybody get that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lj2000 (Nov 24, 2009)

Yes. I miss my ex so much sometimes it feels like a craving or an addiction. It is from abrupt breaking of a habit and relationship that lasted over a decade, I guess.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

oh dear...i feel your lonliness...

i miss my husband...who was also my girls father, my best friend...

thinking of you!

a funny book or movie may help...go out and go shopping...do something for YOU!


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

noidea 
can completely relate to what you are saying,anger gives you energy but it can't be sustained - sorrow feels worse -
and it is certainly physical - the pain is physical -
like a craving
it can be intense -
some things that help me to distract myself are 
laughing at something - a favourite tv show
reading a book 
talking to friends - and sometimes anyone who will listen.
exercise -
posting and understanding that others go through this - 
sorry for your loss and your experience of it


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Yes lj it is like an addiction and anything can trigger it. Lost thankyou for the ideas I have tried to occupy myself as much as possible but sometimes all I can hear in my head is "how can you hate me so after 18 years?" Dont you miss me, like I miss you? How could you not call me on my bday? How can you leave our family and think thats ok? Man its just a self esteem sucker. Thats not saying anything for the physical conact part which wasnt happening very often anyway, and only when it was my idea. So why is it such a big deal now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

I know k I guess im creating a little crisis for myself. You guys are the greatest. I wish we had weekly meetings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Thats another thing like its the holidays and church isnt really doing anything and that divorce care thing is on hold too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

K,
what a way with words you have. so elegant, true but also to the point!

noidea,

i think we all feel like this at times...it seems to go in little circles.
yes, the people here are no doubt amazing! struugling with their own issues, but so readily able to lend an ear or shoulder at any given moment!

hugs to all...

my sitch did change a bit today, i posted...im not sure what anything means right now. i can breathe again though...


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

noidea you aren't creating any thing - you are experiencing it


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## marilee (Jul 24, 2009)

I've been reading your threads and my heart just breaks for you. 

Your husband keeps trying to blame you for the dissolution of the marriage, which is total BS. You may have contributed to 50% of the problems in the marriage (I doubt it, but it's possible) but he was ONE HUNDRED PERCENT responsible for the decision to cheat. And THAT relationship is what broke up your marriage. Do NOT blame yourself. This is on him.

If he was unhappy he could have said something. He could have suggested counseling. He could have done any number of things. But he didn't. He chose to betray you and be unfaithful. He chose to give the affection he should have given to you, to another woman. 

The way he is treating you - the anger and meanness - this is what cheaters do. They twist everything inside of their minds so that they are the victim and the betrayed spouse is the enemy. They want to feel like their affairs are justified, even though they never are. They feel an attraction or connection to another person and decide, well, "my wife never DID listen to me," and start telling the Other Woman all about how awful you are. After a while they believe it. 

You need to work up some healthy righteous indignation here. Because what he's done to you is just horrible. 


"Dont you miss me, like I miss you? How could you not call me on my bday? How can you leave our family and think thats ok? Man its just a self esteem sucker."

Because he is in a total fog, hon. Living in fantasy land - not reality. Do you know what the fastest way to bring someone out of fantasy land and into reality is? To make them feel the reality of their choices. Expose the affair to EVERYONE. His parents. Your parents. His siblings (if they don't already know). If the Other Woman is married, tell her husband. (This isn't a revenge thing this is the moral thing to do - her poor husband deserves to know what is going on behind his back.) He should have to deal with the consequences for his bad behavior, and you should not bear the burden of protecting his image - to your children, to his family, to the Other Woman's husband.

I hope you are contacting a lawyer to ensure you are taken care of financially in terms of the house and child support. He may say that he'll treat you fairly, but obviously he is not someone you can trust, especially with the OW buzzing in his ear. But he needs to start realizing what the financial consequences of his decision will be as well. You mentioned that you will now have all of the bills - but you shouldn't! He should not just be walking away with only the responsibility to pay for his own life. Talk to a lawyer, it is worth the money.

I guess if there is consolation it's that the other woman has just won herself a cheating husband. Karma will play out eventually.

I wish I could give you a virtual hug. I know physical affection - just the solid and comforting presence of another adult who you can hug and feel connected to - when it is not there it is a huge void. Hang in there. Take care of yourself.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

What you are feeling is totally normal - but it still really sucks.

So sorry.


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## dumped4another (Dec 16, 2009)

Hey Noidea, notice my username? My wife and partner for 17 years left me for someone she works with. I know how you feel. Don't know about you, but I feel like damaged goods. I'm very new to this site, but I found that I'm not alone in all this. My wife put me through a world of sh*t this past year, and you know what? I still love her. And I miss her more than words could convey. But everyday, it gets better whether I cry about it or not. It's gonna get better, believe it. My heart bleeds for you and you better believe that you are in my prayers. Take care of yourself.


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