# Should I divorce or not?



## sun1 (Feb 28, 2013)

ME
1. Arranged Marriage - married for 1 year now-no kids.
2. I donot like/love my wife. I donot find her attractive.

MY WIFE
3. She is kind, patient, very adamant.
4. She claims she loves me and doesnot want to divorce me.

ISSUES:
1. We talk about our issues. After a while she forgets about them and behaves as if we have no issues. When I remind her after a while, she asks me what the problem is. I get mad that she doesnt take my marriage issues seriously. I told her a list of things and have not seen any progress. We agreed multiple times that if there is no progress then we should part, although she doesnt like leaving me. 

2. I donot talk to her because, I feel better its lesser head ache than to deal with her.

3. In my most recent discussion after a fight, I made it clear to her that this will be the last chance, and I told her that if she agrees to working on one of my problems I am concerned about, then I will reconsider divorce. Two months have passed and she thinks everything is normal. Yesterday we had a fight because she wanted to go for a walk, and I told her no because she hasn't made any progress on what we agreed upon. She said she had no idea what I was talking about. I deliberately did not remind her what we agreed upon. When we spoke about it last time, we almost came to point that I was 90% positive that I was giving her a divorce and this was the only condition on which I was willing to agree to reconsider my decision. She wept and said she will work on it, and now she doesnt even remember it. This is not the first time that it happened. 

Many of my issues have been unresolved. I no longer talk to her. In the whole of 1 year, I would have spoken about 50 sentences to her excluding the argument sessions because I can hardly speak to someone who doesn't empathize with my issues. She feels that everything is okay and when I remind her about what we spoke, she usually doesn't remember those issues. 

4. The last time we had a disagreement, I was angry and tried to ease the situation by trying to pinch her nose, but she slapped me in the face and that was the end of it. I did not hit her back.

5. Yesterday she wanted me to go for a walk. I told her no many times, she would let me sleep and kept dragging me and pestering me. I was frantically trying to get myself away from her and go back to sleep and in the process hit her hand. Then she called 911 and reported " My husband is beating me". The police came and we had a chat with the police.

I donot know if I should live with this woman. I know she is kind and takes care of me. But, if she called 911 reporting that I am beating her, all that I see is that she doesnt love me although she says she loves me with all her heart. If she really loves me, she wouldn't be afraid of me, she would have known that I am not capable of hurting her having lived with her for 1 year. I donot want to live with a woman who is afraid of me, I would rather think that she would trust me so much that even if I did hurt her, she would see through it.

She complains about me to her family and tells me that I am a pathetic husband. 

I decided that I should move on and leave her before we have kids. I have cut off my friends, and I am not myself since I got married. I stay late at work to avoid going home.


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## Adam801 (Apr 21, 2013)

I don't think your issues are unique. If you do want to save your marriage:
• When working with a someone to improve you need to set things up so they can succeed. Realize that you're shooting for improvement not perfection. 
• Suck it up and go on the walk. 
• Spend a few minutes talking / doing something non confrontational. Play a game work on a puzzle. Build your relationship back up slowly.


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## sun1 (Feb 28, 2013)

Thanks for the response Adam.

But, she doesnt work on the issues we have even after she promises to work on what we agreed. She just ignores them. Thats why I dont do things together with her.


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## Adam801 (Apr 21, 2013)

Then it sounds like she's emotionally check out and is trying to get you to end the relationship. Look at what she does not what she says. Actions speak launder than words. I'd find a good divorce lawyer and get your legal ducks in a row. At some point you're going to have that talk. Better to have everything ready. Showing her signed papers will either set her free or shake her into action. 

I'm sure it will suck, sorry. You've only got a year in the relationship and no kids.


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## sun1 (Feb 28, 2013)

Adam.

Exactly. We have had the divorce talk atleast 3 times seriously. The last time I took the divorce papers to her, she tore them apart and threw them away. She said she will never sign any divorce papers.

To her, all the issues between us never happened, she ignores them. She tries to be happy around me and acts like we don't any issues to deal with.


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

And now you've physically abused her. 

If you have no kids, I'd advise you to come to a decision quickly. This could be a well planned ruse to create a situation where you could get really badly done for abuse.

Don't raise your hand against your wife EVER.

And what's this nonsense about not going for a walk because she hasn't sorted out some things? How is she able to disturb you if you've already told her you're not going for a walk (I assume the only reason you could tell her no is because she wants you to go with her)


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## sun1 (Feb 28, 2013)

Caladan: I do not physically abuse my wife. The last time we had an argument, my wife slapped me in the face, and I did not hit back and just walked away. My wife can disturb me even when I say no to her. I was going to bed for the night and she wanted to take me for a walk. When I said no and told her that she should go on her own, she pulled away my blanket and pillow, and started poking me and dragging me from the bed. This went on for an hour. I kept saying no. I had to push her hand away so that she would drag me out of the bed. I waved my hand so that she wouldnt touch me, and in the process I hit her hand. So she called 911 saying that I was beating her, although I had no intentions of hitting her. The reason I did not go for a walk, was not because of the walk. We have many discussions as to how we should resolve our differences. After agreeing to them, she doesn't make any progress. When I remind her about them, she doesnt even remember them. She doesnt care. So, I have to talk about them again and she pays no attention to them. She never respected the mutual decisions we made after long 2-3 hour discussions. Eventually over many months, I felt more peace by not talking to her than to raise those issues. I always hoped she would get back to me for not talking to her so that we can get those issues resolved. But she did not care whether I spoke to her or not. I did not like doing things with her because she doesnt care about my feelings. I hope that this denial would prompt her to have a discussion with me about why I am not speaking to her. But she never once initiated a conversation about whats wrong. She doesnt mind me not talking to her. She thinks that everything just fine. I cannot imagine how she can think that everything is fine if I don't talk to her. I would be so happy if she asked me if there is something wrong and proactively tries to address and actually relate to my emotions.


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## Snow cherry (Apr 24, 2013)

I know your marriage is arranged, but I see no reason for the two of you to be together. I'd see it as: not in love + no physical attraction+ no kids=RUN!


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