# Trying desperately to cope



## AtMyWitsEnd (Dec 6, 2007)

My wife and I have been happily married for 15 years and I would give the world for her.

Two years ago there was an accident which has rendered her unable to have sex (intercourse). We were able to have oral sex for about nine months but due to her deteriorating condition it was no longer fair to ask her to continue. 

It has been over one year now and I am finding myself looking at women more and more and as time goes on it is getting harder and harder to suppress my sexual needs/feelings and I am afraid that there is going to come a time when my hormones are going to do the thinking and not my brain and end up cheating on her which would absolutely crush her.

I know that she feels bad about it because she has started apologizing three to four times a week along the lines of "I'm so glad your here, most men would have probably left by now", which if anything, compounds the problem.

Has anyone ever had this problem and if so, how do you cope… I love my wife dearly and the last thing I ever want to do is put her/us in a position that would result in the two of us splitting up. I don’t know if I could handle that.

Any and all comment and suggestions would be more than welcome.

Thanks.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

My wife has always been in good health but I had a friend in a similar situation. There may be several ways to solve the issue without "cheating".

One way is ask her if she'd talk dirty to you while you handle yourself.

Also this came up on a different forum too. I heard one thing that I didn't agree with but I will share with you. The husband was unable and confined to bed so he gave permission for his wife to have a partner for those "needs". Again this is something they had agreed upon together. Like I said I don't agree with this one but I want to give you every option you can have.

Be faithful, in the end you will feel better about yourself. By the sounds of it your wife would have stuck by your side. I know that what you are dealing with is hard. The best thing you can do is communicate with her and brain storm some ideas you both feel comfortable with.

draconis


----------



## AtMyWitsEnd (Dec 6, 2007)

Would you happen to have any ideas/advice as how to ask/bring up/mention your idea (not the second idea - I know she wouldn't go for that)?

We tried it already once (see orignal post) and it very quickly fadded out. I am more than willing to give it another try and/or open to any other suggestions.

Thanks you VERY much for responding so quickly.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It depends on how good your communication is with your wife really. If I was in the situation that you are one of the times I talked with her I would mention sex, she would start the I am so sorry...Then say maybe there is something we could do together! See how she responds it might be that no one has thought along those lines and she might feel a part of the solution.

draconis


----------



## AtMyWitsEnd (Dec 6, 2007)

You have no idea how helpful this is... Thanks.


----------



## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

There is more to sexual intamcy than just intercourse or a bj/hj. Perhaps through just touching or caressing you can work together to accomplish commons goals. I understand she can not perform certain activities, however, have you ever thought that perhaps she has needs as well?


----------



## jennifer22009 (Sep 19, 2009)

u should talk her !


----------

