# Here's an odd one ...



## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

My mother, a lifelong smoker, is now afflicted with a near-constant cough. Blames it on allergies, the weather, post-nasal drip, you name it. In fact, she and my father now sleep in separate rooms because HE can't take it anymore. (Yes, she has been tested for lung cancer, and so far everything's negative.) She also has poor sleep habits; for the past year, she will come home from work, fall asleep at 8 p.m., then get up at 4 a.m. to go through her day. 

When she and my dad visit me (I have a rather-small one-bedroom apartment), she will fall asleep in a living room chair at 8 p.m., and wake up periodically during the early morning with the worst cough I've ever heard. It literally sounds like she's vomiting. I work an early shift Sunday through Thursday, and on previous visits her coughing has either kept me awake or awakened me well before my alarm goes off.

Frankly, I'm tired of listening to it and her excuses ("it's your cat's dander," "it's your dusty house," [which is a crock because I keep things VERY clean] "I didn't take my cough medicine," "it's the weather/allergies/pollen/etc."). Then she complains when I'm tired and don't want to socialize. So, here are my questions:

1) Am I selfish to want a peaceful night's sleep even when they visit? I know I cannot control her lifestyle choices, but I do control what I will put up with. On the other hand, they ARE my parents and I'd feel guilty at making them stay elsewhere just because of my mother's coughing.

2) What can I say/do to make her or them understand that I want peace in my own home?

Any/all comments/suggestions welcome.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

YOU stay somewhere else when they come to visit? A hotel? A friends house? And just explain to her that you really NEED your sleep in order to work, and to enjoy their visit.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No you are not selfish to want a good night's sleep.

How old is your mother?

So your mother is still smoking? Maybe you and your father should do an intervention. Make it about her health and that you want to help her.

If she will not give up smoking, see if you can get her to switch to an ecig. I know a couple of people who did this. Their cough went away. They can taste food again. It has made a huge difference. it's not perfect but it's better than cigarettes.

Then from there, maybe you can get to her slowly stop smoking.


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## Miss_Conduct (Jul 12, 2014)

The coughing is due to chronic inflammation from her smoking. You'll know she has late stage lung cancer when she starts coughing up blood.

I think staying at a hotel when she visits is your only realistic choice if you want to get a decent nights sleep.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

Thank you for the replies, everyone. 

Miss Conduct and SunnyT: Staying elsewhere is looking like the only viable option. I'll make plans to do that. EleGirl: My mom is 66, and has smoked since she was 18. Good idea also, about the e-cig! I'll look for one for her for the New Year.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Have you tried ear plugs?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sunvalley said:


> Thank you for the replies, everyone.
> 
> Miss Conduct and SunnyT: Staying elsewhere is looking like the only viable option. I'll make plans to do that. EleGirl: My mom is 66, and has smoked since she was 18. Good idea also, about the e-cig! I'll look for one for her for the New Year.


One of the guys I know who switched to ecigs is 63 and has smoked since he was 17/18. Within a few months of switching his health significantly changed.

ETA: if you need help in picking one I can get info for you. You don't want the ones they sell in packs that look like cigarettes.

Another good thing about them is that they cost a fraction of what cigarettes cost.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

If you accept that when you become old your beloved will exile you if you have uncontrolled disturbing issues , then go ahead and sleep outside .

Otherwise , if you look at yourself expecting others to take care of you one day if you are sick ; then it will be a selfish act ...

If the visits are short , then the best is that you put plugs in your ears ; and it will be helpful to confirm that your mom COPD is treated well ; my dad is COPD , he got few medecins and inhalers prescribed by a specialist , a good treatment plan that changed his life style completely ...

he was breathless ; couldn't take stairs without caughing now he is a lot better , in less than a month .


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

excuse me if my answer was harsh , but all what I am saying is that all depends on your expectations ; I.e treat people the way you like to be treated ; if one day your partner or beloved does the same will you be hurt ?

I am assuming that they are visiting you for a short period of time ...


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## SignOfLife (Aug 13, 2014)

She could sleep apnea, she probably has COPD which is obvious, she needs a Pulmonary Function Test. She should be on a long acting steroid/anticholinergic daily like Spireva or Advair, she needs some Singulair and Albuterol as well. Make sure she is not on Lisinopril (ACE inhibitor which can cause a cough). 

Most important she has got to stop smoking.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

SignOfLife said:


> She could sleep apnea, she probably has COPD which is obvious, she needs a Pulmonary Function Test. She should be on a long acting steroid/anticholinergic daily like Spireva or Advair, she needs some Singulair and Albuterol as well. Make sure she is not on Lisinopril (ACE inhibitor which can cause a cough).
> 
> Most important she has got to stop smoking.


Best answer. Time to remedy the coughing and not make excuses. She will fight it tooth and nail but her habit has now become a chronic illness that is affecting others. She needs to realize that.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

Thank you, all, for your opinions and suggestions. I am going to get her an e-cig, and have my dad gently steer her to the doctor for pulmonary and lung-function tests (she'll listen to him). I'll also speak to him about getting her on Spiriva or something along those lines.

Hey - if EleGirl's acquaintance can change HIS health with an e-cig, no reason it can't work for her!


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

sunvalley said:


> My mother, a lifelong smoker, is now afflicted with a near-constant cough. Blames it on allergies, the weather, post-nasal drip, you name it. In fact, she and my father now sleep in separate rooms because HE can't take it anymore. (Yes, she has been tested for lung cancer, and so far everything's negative.) She also has poor sleep habits; for the past year, she will come home from work, fall asleep at 8 p.m., then get up at 4 a.m. to go through her day.
> 
> When she and my dad visit me (I have a rather-small one-bedroom apartment), she will fall asleep in a living room chair at 8 p.m., and wake up periodically during the early morning with the worst cough I've ever heard. It literally sounds like she's vomiting. I work an early shift Sunday through Thursday, and on previous visits her coughing has either kept me awake or awakened me well before my alarm goes off.
> 
> ...


Your mother needs to see a doctor right away. She could have any number of things. Sleep apnea has been suggested as has COPD. I'll add that acid reflux can eat away at one's esophagus and cause coughing too, especially when lying down.

But your mother doesn't need our diagnosis, she needs a doctor. Something is wrong and it needs to be looked at.


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