# love my husband-horny for someone else...



## lizzie187 (Jan 1, 2012)

So I've been married for 11+ yrs. I love my husband. He's a great dad, works hard for our family, and my best friend. The only problem? I am no longer sexually attracted to him. What is a girl to do? Forgive me please....He was never the best lover to begin with, but thats not why I married him, right? I married him because he's kind, caring, and funny. The sex thing will always come along later, right? Here we are 11 years later and I am so unfufilled. What am I to do? I guess I could be brutally honest and tell him everything, but I don't want to hurt him. Any suggestions?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

First.... forget the 'horney for someone else' .. so what. It's easy to get horney for someone else. Just let that nonsense go.

Find ways to spice up you sex life with your husband. Surely there are things that you could introduce that will spice things up.

Marriages go through ups and downs. If you act on the 'horny for someone else' you will end up without that hardworking husband who loves you and is a good father to your child(ren).


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

It's hard to make a suggestion without really understanding his nature and your relationship. However, I do think that you need to be honest with him (the level of 'brutally' in that honesty clearly needs caution). I think that many couples suffer with dissatisfaction but don't really communicate it properly. You also need to focus on how you can improve it rather than what is wrong but you do need to communicate that you are not happy with it so don't ignore the problem part of it.

As for the 'horny for someone else', this is (for better or worse) will nearly always come up at some point in a long term relationship. I agree with EleGirl that you need to be careful with this but I don't think you can just 'let it go', nor do I think it's nonsense. You feel what you feel and there is no reason to be ashamed of it or try to pretend that it doesn't exist. Being horny for someone else enlightens your sexuality...something that can be directed toward your relationship with your husband. Being open and honest with your husband can bring a new level of intimacy between you two. You need to balance your need for a more fulfilling sex life with your need for a kind, caring partner/father. BOTH are important and don't let people tell you that you shouldn't worry about the sex part just because you have an otherwise good relationship.


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

I think a lot of people can be in your boat. When me and my wife first got married, I would admit I was really bad in bed. We worked on it ... practice makes perfect. 

Did you tell him what you want? Do you know what you want? For my wife it was just to cum. She used to never cum and now she cums all the time. You have a lot of books, and other aids to help men fix whatever they are missing. 

Best of luck.


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## Sindo (Oct 29, 2011)

lizzie187 said:


> guess I could be brutally honest and tell him everything, but I don't want to hurt him. Any suggestions?


Do you know what would hurt him a lot more? If you cheated. Tell him.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

couple said:


> As for the 'horny for someone else', this is (for better or worse) will nearly always come up at some point in a long term relationship. I agree with EleGirl that you need to be careful with this but I don't think you can just 'let it go', nor do I think it's nonsense. You feel what you feel and there is no reason to be ashamed of it or try to pretend that it doesn't exist. Being horny for someone else enlightens your sexuality...something that can be directed toward your relationship with your husband.


These are among the worst statements that I have seen all day. Yes stuff happens and you feel attracted to other people in life. 

But being horny for someone else is enlightening.. - that's BS, this seems like some kind of twisted new age thinking.

If I started getting sexually attracted for someone other than my wife - I better feel ashamed of it and make it go away.

No married couple should embrace feeling sexually attracted or horny for someone else - it has disaster written all over it.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I think you have to tell him what is going on. Right now, it just sounds like you have low attraction to him, but haven't acted on it. He'll be upset when he finds out.

A year or two from now, you might act on the change in feelings, and he will be devastated by divorce or your cheating.

My advice is give him a fair warning and let him try and fix things between you. 

I also got to toot my own horn a little and say I wrote a book and blog about how men can spark their wife being turned on by them.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Reminds me of this lady I ended up seducing when I was 20, such stories are very typical, women marries the nice guy, f--ks the bad boy. Was funny really, even funnier as her son was only 5 years my junior.

If you want to be used like a trophy and laughed about, losing your husband in the process then sure, go ahead. And if you think you can change that special someone on the side to have the same qualities as your husband in terms of being loving, and caring... pffft! LOL

Personally, I only put my player days behind once I found a woman who I can respect for her strength, intelligence, and principle. Your post illustrates that you have none of that. If you have problems with your "nice husband" be honest with him about it, don't just keep quiet out of fear of hurting him... that's pathetic.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

lizzie187 said:


> So I've been married for 11+ yrs. I love my husband. He's a great dad, works hard for our family, and my best friend. The only problem? I am no longer sexually attracted to him. What is a girl to do? Forgive me please....He was never the best lover to begin with, but thats not why I married him, right? I married him because he's kind, caring, and funny. The sex thing will always come along later, right? Here we are 11 years later and I am so unfufilled. What am I to do? I guess I could be brutally honest and tell him everything, but I don't want to hurt him. Any suggestions?


What do you desire from your husband that he is not doing? Details details. How about the physical attraction side of this?

I have had to get more creative with my husband as we entered MidLife and his sex drive was below mine, he is also one of those Nice Guys...excellent father, doting, caring, kind, would die for me type -has his funny side . I can't say I haven't wondered what it might be like to be with someone else, but... at the end of the day, best to stay where love is and work in it. What have you tried up to this point ?? 

Do you & he talk about sex, explore fantasies, do you know what he likes, what turns him on , does he know what turns you on....Have you explored some Sex books together for ideas:

Amazon.com: The Men's Health and Women's Health Big Book of Sex: Your Authoritative, Red-Hot Guide to the Sex of Your Dreams (and His!)/ Your Authoritative, Red-Hot Guide to the Sex of Your Dreams (and Hers!) (9781605293035): Editors of Women

Amazon.com: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (9780060538262): Ian Kerner: Books

How about a sex board game like this. Kinky World » Discover Your Lover Adult Board Game Review I have this, It has sooo many cards, I was very impressed, with husband having to try new ideas -you might find some new things you both enjoy. 

Gotta open up the communication, letting him know you want to be more creative in the bedroom, that you LUST for 'more" ....this will not come off as hurting him, you want to INSPIRE him... this is your ticket


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I agree with SimplyAmorous, you need to open up the communications channel.


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## janemilda (Dec 21, 2011)

Yep, agree. Talk about it. Experiment with it. Find a way to turn it into a non-threatening conversation.

My hubby wasn't exactly the best in bed when we got together. He was kind of inhibited, not adventurous, and self-conscious.

I slowly introduced him to new things, but on the sly. We started watching some porn together, which helped broaden his horizons a bit more. We'd have a few drinks and discuss our fantasies. We'd have those "What's your favorite thing I do in bed?" conversations.

All those things have helped him evolve into a lover who knows how to push every single one of my buttons.


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## theduck (Jan 2, 2012)

Lizzie has left the building.

If anyone else is in her shoes and reads this, my advice is to work on your communication issues.


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