# Children and fights...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just curious about how to handle this. It happens on and off, my wife and I had a falling on V-day, so we aren't speaking. I've been trying to avoid her but thanks to our arrangements we ran into each other twice.

- Picking up my daughter; my wife tried to talk to me, I ignored her and she acted up a bit. My daughter was there and once we were in the car, she was in a bad mood, didn't even want to go out no more listening to mum and dad quarrel even for a minute or so *sigh*. She gets like that sometimes. Eventually I told her that when we make plans, we stick to it, so we went got a cat and she was happy in the end.
- Wife also thought that this morning would be a grand time to start 'talking', but I really wasn't in the mood but hell my daughter was jumping up and down trying to show mummy our new cat, so it's not like I could have said "get out of my house woman". Anyways she took my daughter out but when she got back she just wanted to be left alone, same as yesterday - didn't want to do anything. I asked her what happened but she's rather silent and now just playing with our new cat. So ok, I'll find out later. I hope my wife didn't involve our daughter in this.

*sighs*
How to keep kids happy?


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

I've been listening to a family friend in a troubled marriage and I really hate when they play the kids against each other. I also tell my friend he's an idiot if he doesn't think kids know they are fighting. Best advice is get a sitter and go out to talk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Somehow, get W to understand that we are NOT doing anything negative in front of the kid. No "talking" during drop-offs, etc... 

Make an appointment for a time when you two can talk while someone else keeps the kid for a bit. And how ever that talk goes, negotiate another time.... when kid won't be there. 

Not only do kids not need to hear any crap, but they don't even need to know that daddy doesn't even want to talk to mommy. 

Give her lots of love and hugs. And if she asks, tell her that mommy and daddy are working on it, and how much you both love HER, and that things will be alright.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah going to have a word with my wife about this... later. She's p-ssing me off atm msging my work phone cause she knows I have my normal phone off. Some things have to wait, can't she just let me have a good weekend?! Bah!

No, instead my daughter gets caught in the middle.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

That's what addicts do. Not healthy for your daughter. She may not have said anything to her, but she has been rather manic since the incident and that will certainly have an effect on you daughter. Again, not healthy.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

What was the basis for the fight? Or doesn't it matter?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

How is ignoring your wife helpful? Your wife is acting up because you are ignoring her.

Whether you end up with her or not you WILL be a coparent. Stop with the silent treatment (it's childish). Yes I understand you have to go dark but this doesn't apply when it comes to your daughter. On those occasions be nice, pleasant, direct and CALM. If your wife wants to talk reassure her. Say directly "I am not interested in talking until I calm down".

And whatever you do NO fighting in front of your daughter. It takes two to fight so don't use your wife as an excuse. Tell your wife repeatedly "I'm not going to discuss/fight with you in front of our daughter. This isn't the time for this". Stand your ground.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Ya, just text her back that you will not get into it while daughter is around and you will talk to her after this weekend. THEN stay dark.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

It is GOOD for a child to learn constructive problem solving from their parents. If you don't show your child how to do this, how will she ever learn? 

Right now, you're teaching her to solve problems by punishing people with silence. Your wife's teaching her to disregard others' boundaries. When you feel like someone's trying to punish you, does it make you want to work with them and help them? What do you think your child will be like after years of learning that THIS is how grownups solve problems? 

What kind of life are you setting her up for? 

I don't remember the nature of your problems with your wife, but if you cannot find loving actions when you're angry, you should remove yourself from the situation altogether. You're hurting your child tremendously and unnecessarily.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well it's not like I plug my ears and refuse to respond, except for her texts I just can't be bothered reading or replying, and just not in the mood to deal with my wife unless she apologises for her behaviour on V-day.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Your words. 



> - Picking up my daughter; my wife tried to talk to me, *I ignored her* and she acted up a bit.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well sure, I tried to walk in and out of her place with my daughter before my wife could catch a hold of me. Didn't work =/


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ah hell fine, I'll talk to her
For all the good it will do, she's rather unrepentant with her texts, justifying this and that, bah!


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Is whatever you fell out about on Valentine’s day so important / serious that you are still not communicating days later? Does it matter that much that you are prepared to have everyone in the household miserable over it.

Please do have a serious talk to your wife. 

Please both try and behave like responsible adults, find away to defuse this situation and resolve your differences.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Wiltshireman said:


> Is whatever you fell out about on Valentine’s day so important / serious that you are still not communicating days later? Does it matter that much that you are prepared to have everyone in the household miserable over it.
> 
> Please do have a serious talk to your wife.
> 
> Please both try and behave like responsible adults, find away to defuse this situation and resolve your differences.


As an outside observer. Yes it is so important/serious. This is a trauma issue.


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## d4life (Nov 28, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Well it's not like I plug my ears and refuse to respond, except for her texts I just can't be bothered reading or replying, and just not in the mood to deal with my wife unless she apologises for her behaviour on V-day.


As a woman, that would drive me insane if my husband had that kind of attitude with me. I would feel like what I had to say to him was not important to him, and as a married couple we should always listen to what our spouse has to say even if we may not agree with it. It's called communication, and it is a very important part of a marriage. It could be the most important part of it because you have to be able to communicate with each other to make a marriage work. Ignoring your spouse is very childish, and so is holding out until she apologizes. If you talk about this problem, you may both get what you want.

I am also confused about something. It sounds like the two of you live separately, is that right? Also, what happened on valentines day that was so bad? (if you dont mind sharing)


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/67678-v-day-sex-fight.html

RD is not being childish, but your response is understandable given not knowing what happened. This was BIG. Some of us feel she should be in jail.


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## d4life (Nov 28, 2012)

StargateFan said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/67678-v-day-sex-fight.html
> 
> RD is not being childish, but your response is understandable given not knowing what happened. This was BIG. Some of us feel she should be in jail.


My apologies.  

Holy cow!


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Anybody else confused as to who the chacters are in this drama? Jail? Who, for what?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I asked her what happened but she's rather silent


So she's copying what she saw her father doing?


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