# 20 years of disappointing sex



## disappointingsexlife (Apr 23, 2017)

Background
My wife and I were best friends before we decided to date and get engaged. We went from occasionally fooling around to her saying it doesnt feel right; she just wants to have sex and that should be when we get married. That set off alarms and I got worried that although she was a bit ****ty with other guys she dated, that our married sex life would suck. She assured me that we'd have an amazing sex life when married and if it felt right, maybe we'd do stuff before marriage too. Things never got better, which led to many fights and many promises of great marital sex. We had a beautiful wedding and on our wedding night, wife was too tired. I threw a fit and threatened to have marriage annulled. She finally agreed and we lost virginity to eachother while she cried and I was angry and disappointed. Little did I know this would be the beginning of 20 years of frustration. We had lots of sex when trying to conceive but then once pregnant, wife insisted that sex during pregnancy was risky for the baby and do I really care more about sex than our baby's life? So 15 months of zero sex, bjs, hjs, etc. Once we had a baby, I was stuck--this was my best friend, we never fought about anything except sex and she recognized that she had a problem and would work on it. Unfortunately, after years of more heartache, I decided I'd basically view my marriage as a partnership and have sex outside the marriage, so started with GFs, escorts, strippers, etc. ( I had more money that I knew what to do with and finally I was having great sex but it wasn't what I really wanted and didn't fulfill me the way the occasional romp with the wife makes me feel). Wife found out after a while and became a complete nymphomaniac for around 6 weeks. For 1.5 months, we had sex 3-5x/day, BJs while I watched the baseball game, facesitting, sex during the day, in the light, watching porn, trying different positions, talking dirty etc, but after months of therapy, we went back to a very basic sex life--sex roughly 1-2x/month, no oral either way, no foreplay, just quickees in the missionary position, no touching, no trying to stretch it out--essentially finish up and get off me. Now I know I'm not very hung but at this point, I'm pretty well practiced and have decent skills. I'm open to using toys, sheaths to improve my size and extend my momentum but she wants only the basics. She's open almost anytime I initiate but it's basically 3-4 minutes of screwing a corpse and the frustration is almost not worth it--just easier for me to watch porn and masturbate than to be faced with my reality. She won't discuss, won't change. I've begged for her to try penis sheaths, dildos, vibrators, chastity cages, light bondage, me as dominant, me as submissive, etc. She lets me go down on her roughly once every 3-4 months and loves it but it's just not enough for me. I've set up a Tumblr account with all of my preferences, fantasies, etc and reblog pics/gifs with my message to her. She clearly knows about it and reads it b/c in the Tumblr I tell her where I hid my sheath that I'd like to use with her and one day it was gone (it was in a spot that we haven't used in over a decade, so unlikely that she just came across it). BTW, I try to be romantic, but she's too practical to get swept up, doesnt like flowers or chocolates, loves jewelry but it's just an expensive disappointment. She doesnt really like going out--just a homebody. I do many if not most of the chores, cook her dinner and serve her in bed, run errands for her, do almost everything for her, so it's not an issue of my behavior killing the mood. And this was her attitude before their were kids and life stresses, etc. What do you think? What would you do?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You threw a fit and threatened to have the marriage annulled because she was tired on your wedding night?

And you wonder why your sex life has sucked?

You acted like s nasty bully, and that is guaranteed to turn on no woman. She lost her virginity to a guy who threw a tantrum.

Nice. Why would a woman want to do anything for a guy who behaves like that? Why would you think you'd get a willing, happy parter like that?

Now I'm not saying it would've necessarily gotten better, and certainly after giving her some time to rest (my wedding was exhausting) if she was still making excuses you would've been well within your rights to walk.

But throwing a tantrum guaranteed that you started your marriage as her adversary. She was a virgin and probably scared. I doubt she imagined her first time like that. 

Any chance you might have had at a fulfilling sex life pretty much ended right there.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> You threw a fit and threatened to have the marriage annulled because she was tired on your wedding night?
> 
> And you wonder why your sex life has sucked?
> 
> ...


and continued after he opened the marriage which I am sure didn't help (or badly hurt). No sympathy for OP there, though she shouldn't have been a willing participant in creating the family and dragging him on. This relationship should have ended 20 years ago. This is a bad marriage plain and simple


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

wmn1 said:


> and continued after he opened the marriage which I am sure didn't help (or badly hurt). No sympathy for OP there, though she shouldn't have been a willing participant in creating the family and dragging him on. This relationship should have ended 20 years ago. This is a bad marriage plain and simple


I agree..... she was ridiculous to have a family with a guy like this. 

But he participated.

Everything about his post screams me me me me me. He says himself that he made the decision to view his marriage as a business arrangement (and expose her to who knows what via his hoes) and yet he's still here complaining about his sex life with her, as if he's entitled after how he's behaved.

He'd do her a huge favor by walking.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

Honestly I feel for the OP here. He'd been promised one thing and got another. I get that on the wedding night maybe he didn't act quite appropriately. However I think seeking extra marital affairs after being denied sex or having sex with a corpse are well within his right. Although he probably should have left her right off the hop. It's not fair to deny sex within a marriage. It's pretty important. 

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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Her virginity was important to her.
And she lost it because she gave in to a guy who threw a fit and threatened her.

Talk about having one's dreams absolutely crushed.

I suspect it will take a year of counseling for both of you to overcome that event.

Yes, yes, I know, you were promised one thing and got another - but men do not "throw a fit" when disappointed. And lovers do not attempt to get their way by threatening. 

What she learned that night is:
1) She married a boy, not a man - men don't throw fits when they don't get what they expect. Learn to accept life, not fight it.
2) She married a control freak - loving partners do not threaten.
3) She is weak and gives in to both a child and a dictator.

Yes, this will take time, for both of you.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Never marry a virgin who isn't chomping at the bit for the entire engagement. You should have walked away when she obviously wasn't into it after the wedding. And that's still true today. Every additional day is a mistake you can't get back. This type of mismatch never gets fixed. 


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Once you started putting your **** into other women your M was over. Why didn't you do the honorable thing and divorce your wife years ago.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You can't change things in your past light cone. 

You are married to a woman with whom you don't have a good sex life. You seem pretty convinced that there is no common ground for sexual activities that you both enjoy. (as an aside, some of the things on your list are pretty uncommon). 

You can live as you have been living. You can divorce. This is your choice. 


If you haven't given up, have you found out what sort of sex life and romantic life she wants?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If you were threatening to annul, you could have at least had the balls to follow through, rather than bully her into something she obviously isn't into. It might have prevented 20 years of dissatisfaction and you could have found a woman eager and happy to lay you like tile.


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## TheRealMcCoy (Apr 13, 2017)

My god. This is the third thread I've opened this morning and each and every one was me. This is incredible. The only difference here (a MAJOR one), is that I can only fantasize (and I do: OFTEN) about the sex I could buy if I had the money. 

I'm with you on everything here except for one problem. You knew she didn't like sex before the wedding and married her anyhow. That's YOUR bad. I don't care about your hissy fit. Quite frankly, blaming all of your problems one one (understandable) wedding night temper tantrum is foolish. But 20 years of no intimacy with her is YOUR fault. So what are you going to do about it?

I'd go back to making those fantasies of mine a reality. You are so freakin' LUCKY!


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

The bashing of the OP here is TOTALLY waaaay off base. The only mistake OP made was marrying this bait and switch artist in the first place. You got screwed..........figuratively, not literally


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## TheRealMcCoy (Apr 13, 2017)

deleted


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## MrRight (Apr 17, 2017)

Making her have sex on your wedding night was wrong.

As for the rest of it - if kids have left home - why not divorce?

I know guys in your position who want to stay with their non sexual partner - and they see hookers now and then.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Sex by bullying and belligerence isn't exactly arousing (to most). OP on your wedding night you turned sex into a negative, maybe if you had been patient and understanding everything may have turned out during your marriage, or maybe not, who knows. My point is she was a virgin and instead of easing into a sex life you left her feeling used instead of loved the first first time. Trying to push her into toys and other activities probably just makes her more and more uncomfortable, especially knowing you are seeing *****s and using porn. Sex has lost any hint of loving intimacy in your marriage, it's become a nasty battle ground.

As for trying to be romantic you need to truly understand what that means, tossing a box of chocolate to your wife doesn't have the same affect as flipping your charge card to a prostitute. Romance takes time and actions, not demands and bullying.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

So let me get this straight.

Boy, you sure love painting yourself as a *victim* who got trapped, don't you?

You were stupid enough and desperate enough to AGREE to stopping all sex before marriage. I'm going to assume that you weren't exactly a success with the ladies back then if you had to marry the first person you ever had 'almost' sex with. So let's be realistic here - you really had no other options and chose to continue forward and marry her. I think it's real safe to assume the ladies weren't lining up out on your front doorstep for a ride on Wet 'n Wild.

I see no trap here at all. Just desperation to cling to any woman who was willing to have you.

Right from your honeymoon, you once *again* found out that sex was NOT going to be on her priority list and you had to fight for it every single time.

Again, I see *no* trap here at all. Just you, still desperately clinging to her.

Then you foolishly ramp it up trying to get her pregnant. WILLINGLY. And she gets pregnant. You whine you didn't get sex when she was pregnant yet she gave you BJs and other things. Newsflash - that *IS* sex, just not intercourse.

Then she has the kid and now SUDDENLY, you're *'trapped.'*

What a load of horse****.

You obviously had to turn to escorts and call girls because I would imagine much like your youth, the ladies STILL aren't lining up to spend time with you. So, you have to buy your action. How embarrassing for you.

And I simply can't imagine why your wife wouldn't be open to chastity cages, etc. I'd also be willing to bet your penis sheath was thrown right out in the garbage. I assume she'd like you to fly your freak flag elsewhere.

You have NO ONE to blame but yourself for being 'trapped.' You had *many* chances to get out and you foolishly stayed. If you want to think of yourself as some kind of _*victim*_, go right ahead if that's what helps you sleep at night.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

disappointingsexlife said:


> She assured me that we'd have an amazing sex life when married and if it felt right, maybe we'd do stuff before marriage too. Things never got better, which led to many fights and many promises of great marital sex.


Why would you trust a virgin promising you great sex? She had no experience with sex and no knowledge of how she had pleased past partners, thus these promises were empty.

These promises were bait to get the ring on her finger, and you took that bait.



disappointingsexlife said:


> We had a beautiful wedding and on our wedding night, wife was too tired. I threw a fit and threatened to have marriage annulled. She finally agreed and we lost virginity to eachother while she cried and I was angry and disappointed.


While I can understand your disappointment with her initial reluctance, my opinion is that your attitude was wrong here. You should have been understanding of your new wife's fatigue, up until the third day beyond the wedding. If sex isn't happening three days out, it's just reason for concern and you can still get your marriage annulled. 

Man, there's no better way of saying "I love you" than threatening your wife with annulment on the wedding night; bet that gave her the hots for you... *sarcasm*



disappointingsexlife said:


> Little did I know this would be the beginning of 20 years of frustration. We had lots of sex when trying to conceive but then once pregnant, wife insisted that sex during pregnancy was risky for the baby and do I really care more about sex than our baby's life?


Clearly, she just wanted a family and didn't care too much for sex. Her 'sex during pregnancy' concern is bogus and seems like an excuse more than anything else. You could've easily refuted her claim with reputable medical sources, but you didn't. This could be a good example of a guy getting "out smarted" by the wife...



disappointingsexlife said:


> So 15 months of zero sex, bjs, hjs, etc.


Wait, you got "baby-making sex" from a woman who clearly just want wanted sex for procreation, and you're complaining about her closing shop after she got what she wanted? You saw this coming, right?



disappointingsexlife said:


> Once we had a baby, I was stuck--this was my best friend, we never fought about anything except sex and she recognized that she had a problem and would work on it.


If you've brought a child into the marriage, you should accept that responsibility. Admitting that you're "stuck" seems like some acceptance, though acceptance laced with regret. If you let it, this regret will spiral into big problems and kill your marriage. From the rest of your post, this is indeed what has happened.

The comment about your wife is interesting. It reflects that she acknowledged sex is important to you, she was not meeting your expectations, and that she would attempt to improve the situation. I'm guessing this was unassisted improvement, without the help of a professional sex therapist? At this point in the story, you both should've gone to a sex therapist...



disappointingsexlife said:


> Unfortunately, after years of more heartache, I decided I'd basically view my marriage as a partnership and have sex outside the marriage, so started with GFs, escorts, strippers, etc. ( I had more money that I knew what to do with and finally I was having great sex but it wasn't what I really wanted and didn't fulfill me the way the occasional romp with the wife makes me feel).


In my opinion, what you did made your situation many times worse. You selfishly engaged in a bunch of immoral behaviors that diverted your desires away from your wife and introduced risks of STDs into your marriage. This was a big mistake on your part, and I'm surprised your wife didn't "rake you over the coals" in divorce court for your infidelity.

Literally by experiment, you found that you needed more than the self-gratifying pleasure of sex. You needed your wife's acceptance and validation; it came packaged with your infrequent romps, in smaller doses than you wanted but it was nonetheless there. For any married person reading this post who is considering the same, let this be a lesson that sex outside one's marriage is no substitute for the true benefits of sex within the marriage.



disappointingsexlife said:


> Wife found out after a while and became a complete nymphomaniac for around 6 weeks. For 1.5 months, we had sex 3-5x/day, BJs while I watched the baseball game, facesitting, sex during the day, in the light, watching porn, trying different positions, talking dirty etc, but after months of therapy, we went back to a very basic sex life--sex roughly 1-2x/month, no oral either way, no foreplay, just quickees in the missionary position, no touching, no trying to stretch it out--essentially finish up and get off me.


You're so lucky. Where most women would've left a man over your infidelity and never touched him again, your wife tried to make things better. Perhaps for you, perhaps for the family, perhaps for something else, but it doesn't really matter. 

Point is, your immoral behavior wasn't justified and despite it, she showed you grace and mercy. Given your infidelity, I have zero sympathy for your "basic" sex life. It's a miracle that your wife is still intimate with you, given the risk of STDs since you defiled the marriage bed. Get yourself checked out for your wife's sake, if not your own.



disappointingsexlife said:


> Now I know I'm not very hung but at this point, I'm pretty well practiced and have decent skills. I'm open to using toys, sheaths to improve my size and extend my momentum but she wants only the basics. She's open almost anytime I initiate but it's basically 3-4 minutes of screwing a corpse and the frustration is almost not worth it--just easier for me to watch porn and masturbate than to be faced with my reality. She won't discuss, won't change. I've begged for her to try penis sheaths, dildos, vibrators, chastity cages, light bondage, me as dominant, me as submissive, etc. She lets me go down on her roughly once every 3-4 months and loves it but it's just not enough for me.


I have to ask... where you a heavy porn user before getting married? Seems like your expectations of sex have been perverted. 

You continuing to whack away to porn is exacerbating the problem. Throw the porn in the garbage and get outside with your family and friends. Watching more and more depictions of sex that's simply not possible with your wife, involving women other than your wife, can't possibly bring you any closer to your wife. Stop.



disappointingsexlife said:


> I've set up a Tumblr account with all of my preferences, fantasies, etc and reblog pics/gifs with my message to her. She clearly knows about it and reads it b/c in the Tumblr I tell her where I hid my sheath that I'd like to use with her and one day it was gone (it was in a spot that we haven't used in over a decade, so unlikely that she just came across it).


Having a Tumblr account is a pathway for you to indulge your desires with people other than your wife. I suggest getting rid of it.

As long as both partners consent to it, there's no problem with kinky sex--fantasies, using toys, etc. If one person is reluctant to experiment or doesn't consent, kinky sex is not possible. Doesn't seem like your wife is in to this like you are, so forcing it will lead nowhere good.



disappointingsexlife said:


> BTW, I try to be romantic, but she's too practical to get swept up, doesnt like flowers or chocolates, loves jewelry but it's just an expensive disappointment. She doesnt really like going out--just a homebody. I do many if not most of the chores, cook her dinner and serve her in bed, run errands for her, do almost everything for her, so it's not an issue of my behavior killing the mood. And this was her attitude before their were kids and life stresses, etc. What do you think? What would you do?


In summary, I suggest: getting rid of the porn, getting off Tumblr, spending more time with family/friends (get your mind off of sex), and enjoy the basic sex with your wife. You should consider yourself blessed that you're not divorced, paying alimony and child support, while whacking away to your fetish porn in some dark corner of the world.

This is my personal bias speaking now, but I find it hard to believe every time I read about a guy complaining over getting just vaginal sex + occasional oral, especially after kids. I'd die for that and I'd die for a good family life, just like a lot of other men on TAM, who have never cheated on their wives. Do us all a favor, and love your wife for more than her orifices.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I see a lot of offensive advice and bashing here.

why don't the moderator wag there finger at the posters who seem to be rude like in some other threads???


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

most likely things won't change into a wild sex fest with your wife.

option 1 practice acceptance......this is how your wife is wired shes your best friend and everything else is good the compromise is you have a good woman there but sex is just marginal.

option 2 make this your hill to die on and end your marriage to chase greener pastures. realise that you might get a better sex life but you also might end up with a crazy person who isn't half the wife you got now.

you might find out accepting your wife and her lack luster sex life might just be what she needs to be more sexual with you.

good luck.


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## crocus (Apr 8, 2016)

Quite a story!
The title...20 years of disappointing sex. 
But but
You didn't go 20 years with disappointing sex. You got sex somewhere else. 
So was the extra marital sex also disappointing?
Why the title? 



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## crocus (Apr 8, 2016)

Op, sorry to sound blunt,
But what is the question or problem you are wanting to solve?
If your wife won't satisfy you, you have gotten what you want elsewhere.
Problem solved?


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Satya said:


> If you were threatening to annul, you could have at least had the balls to follow through, rather than bully her into something she obviously isn't into. It might have prevented 20 years of dissatisfaction and *you could have found a woman eager and happy to lay you like tile.*


:lol:


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think that is unfair.

He loved her and everything he saw was clouded by that. He believed her when she promised a good sex life after marriage. 

I think it was wrong to pressure her for sex on their wedding night - but I can understand the frustration. Not only had she promised for a long time, but sex on your wedding night is a very strong tradition, in many cases a marriage is not even considered to be valid unless "consumated". 

Later he was again blinded by love and desire when sex ramped up when she wanted to get pregnant. 


I've been there: every time my wife briefly wants more frequent and passionate sex, I stupidly believe that our sex life is finally turning around. I believe it every time because I so much want to believe it. 



Now the OP is into some unusual things, OTOH that can be seen as a willingness to try a wide range of things and his wife doesn't want any of them. 

They should not be married. I don't care whose fault it is, they are just nowhere near sexually compatible. 








She'sStillGotIt said:


> So let me get this straight.
> 
> Boy, you sure love painting yourself as a *victim* who got trapped, don't you?
> 
> ...


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## disappointingsexlife (Apr 23, 2017)

Thank you Uhtred. I didn't give the entire story as I didnt want to write an entire novel and you cut to the core and read both myself and my wife perfectly. It's a real pickle I'm in as I have a great marriage and family life but for 20 years have been disappointed with the sex my wife and have had (except for the 6 week romp that was more than I wanted but I gladly acquiesced). I guess the problem is that I'm willing to try anything to make her happy and just once it would be nice if she'd not only try to make me happy but actually want to touch me, to have sex with me. BTW, the hookers were a short period of our life, we were both tested and clean and that's bene in the rearview mirror for many years. Sex life was awful before and only less awful since...thanks gain for your comments


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## disappointingsexlife (Apr 23, 2017)

You're right. I should have left that first night. I suspect it would have established that that kind of attitude and chicanery is unnacceptable and she might have changed. Either way, life has been amazing for the past 20 years except for this one aspect, granted it's a huge aspect. I wouldn't trade my wonderful kids for a better sex life but I wish I could get her to meet me halfway.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Satya said:


> If you were threatening to annul, you could have at least had the balls to follow through, rather than bully her into something she obviously isn't into. It might have prevented 20 years of dissatisfaction and you could have found a woman eager and *happy to lay you like tile.*


>

There is hope on this site. Maybe some Hope from Canada.

Cats and Dogs.......Women and Men.....

Red Dog and long black Robe wearers......
@turnera the screw; below ones sight line.....the one that dares poke its little head up.... and nearing the robe.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Coming from a similar situation, let me say: It won't get better. I should have recognized the issue when my wife and I first started dating in 1980 - but I was too inexperienced and thought things would improve. 

OK, its 37 years later. Its not going to change.

Accept or leave. It sucks, but those are your choices. 

BTW - don't threaten to leave. That will likely result in a brief burst of sex that will then fade away again. If you decide to leave, just tell her. Don't make it her fault, it really doesn't matter. 




disappointingsexlife said:


> Thank you Uhtred. I didn't give the entire story as I didnt want to write an entire novel and you cut to the core and read both myself and my wife perfectly. It's a real pickle I'm in as I have a great marriage and family life but for 20 years have been disappointed with the sex my wife and have had (except for the 6 week romp that was more than I wanted but I gladly acquiesced). I guess the problem is that I'm willing to try anything to make her happy and just once it would be nice if she'd not only try to make me happy but actually want to touch me, to have sex with me. BTW, the hookers were a short period of our life, we were both tested and clean and that's bene in the rearview mirror for many years. Sex life was awful before and only less awful since...thanks gain for your comments


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## hylton7 (Jan 24, 2017)

How on earth did you two last 20 years with a boring sex life?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

disappointingsexlife said:


> You're right. I should have left that first night. I suspect it would have established that that kind of attitude and chicanery is unnacceptable and she might have changed. Either way, life has been amazing for the past 20 years except for this one aspect, granted it's a huge aspect. I wouldn't trade my wonderful kids for a better sex life but I wish I could get her to meet me halfway.


I don't think leaving that first night would have accomplished anything except sending your new wife the message that your wants were more important than hers.

I would bet in her mind she was hoping for a great sex life as well, heck who wouldn't, sex is great. I just can't help but wonder if she feels she will never able to please you sexually because of the differences in your desires that it's easier not to try. Most woman don't act like porn stars, she may lay there scared to death you're going to try to stick some toy where she doesn't want anything stuck. 

One thing to keep in mind is many women go crazy for sex when they hit that forty year old mark. She may be right now coming into her prime and with a little bit of understanding and patients you may be able to release the tiger. Sadly at the same time mens sexual abilities start tapering off, she may turn into a nympho and have you begging for mercy!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Cooper said:


> I don't think leaving that first night would have accomplished anything except sending your new wife the message that your wants were more important than hers.
> 
> I would bet in her mind she was hoping for a great sex life as well, heck who wouldn't, sex is great. I just can't help but wonder if she feels she will never able to please you sexually because of the differences in your desires that it's easier not to try. Most woman don't act like porn stars, she may lay there scared to death you're going to try to stick some toy where she doesn't want anything stuck.
> 
> One thing to keep in mind is many women go crazy for sex when they hit that forty year old mark. She may be right now coming into her prime and with a little bit of understanding and patients you may be able to release the tiger. Sadly at the same time mens sexual abilities start tapering off, she may turn into a nympho and have you begging for mercy!


Never bet a relationship on what your or someone else's hormones _might_ do. That's worse odds than roulette.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Cooper said:


> I don't think leaving that first night would have accomplished anything except sending your new wife the message that your wants were more important than hers.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Well I can tell you my W never had any change in her attitude or desire for sex. She recently stopped menstruating... had one last period, then a few random days of cramps over the next few months and that's it. So probably done with a whimper at mid 50's. Very lucky in that regard. But never had any crazy sex period ever 


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

hylton7 said:


> How on earth did you two last 20 years with a boring sex life?




He didn't. He just had sex with other women outside the marriage.

OP honestly an open marriage might be a better solution. Your W doesn't seem too interested in sex with you, and didn't react strongly upon finding out about your dalliances

Maybe have a heart to heart and say you won't sneak around but want sex with her or someone else if she isn't interested. Set whatever ground rules are appropriate. Maybe no one from work, safe sex, std testing, etc. I'm sure there is a method to this 


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