# what value does it hold?



## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Karl has been chatting with me about this and I was thinking the wider audience will have a more balanced opinion.

What value does knowing the full truthes of your WSs deceptions and infidelities hold?

Why would you want to know how far it went?

Does it afford closure? Or will it simply deepen the already heamoraging wound?

This is of course assuming she tells the truth 

Thoughts boys and girls?


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Some people spending their lives seeking the truth. They incorporate it into their lives, and live speaking it. They must have the truth to satisfy their inner code.

Unfortunately, in these situations the truth seekers are generally the betrayed. Adulterers have no such infatuation with truth.


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## TiredFamilyGuy (Jan 18, 2014)

Most people want to live an authentic life. 

If a cheating spouse doesn't come fully clean, there is a large space in their head they will never share with you - you are just living with an actor with the face of your spouse. 

Put it another way, when you leave seeing a group of friends, you don't want them to say "What a loser! At least he buys the beer. Hey Gary, tell us again what you heard about his wife wearing the pants!". You'd want to know what they really thought. 

If you don't mind deception and being used - then what sort of a life is that? Without truth, nothing.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I can fully understand a guy demanding to know "all the details". However its an impossible quest. You have no way of knowing if you've gotten the whole story and you can never know the nuances of feelings and emotions that are in essence, what makes the sex part more than a mechanical act.


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## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

Forest said:


> Some people spending their lives seeking the truth. They incorporate it into their lives, and live speaking it. They must have the truth to satisfy their inner code.
> 
> Unfortunately, in these situations the truth seekers are generally the betrayed. Adulterers have no such infatuation with truth.


I agree completely ......I saw many red flags before D-DAY...as most of us here did...HER PHONE became her life...Continually mentioning her boss ( who was the OM) ....gone shopping for 2-3 hrs,come home with nothing...you get the point..
Over 2-3 months i knew she was having an affair and continually questioned her ...LIED everytime....

I found her phone and there was no question then...Still Lied and got mad when she was caught...

I did a HARD 180 and stayed to find the Truth...she was still lying...MY trUTH came 3 months after d-day when I outed the OM to his wife and she threw him out..

He came to my office and showed me pics of my wife doing sexual acts that for 22yrs she said was SICK and DISGUSTING...But there she was was doing it with him...

SHE LIED UP TO THAT POINT...about everything...

I knew there would be no R , ever and i would never forgive or forget what i saw..

After 10 mths or so i filed for D after finding out more than i bargained for.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

TiredFamilyGuy said:


> Most people want to live an authentic life.
> 
> If a cheating spouse doesn't come fully clean, there is a large space in their head they will never share with you - you are just living with an actor with the face of your spouse.
> 
> ...


It reflects poorly on all. The chump, the cheater, the kids.. everybody. 

Was it because the H wasn't good enough or was it because the WW is a ho with no integrity? Most people despise cheaters.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

wranglerman said:


> Karl has been chatting with me about this and I was thinking the wider audience will have a more balanced opinion.
> 
> What value does knowing the full truthes of your WSs deceptions and infidelities hold?
> 
> ...


It's painful either way.. imagining all the stuff they could have been doing and knowing all the stuff they were doing. Knowing certain things may send you straight to D even if your heart wants to R. But I think for two people to really R, there has to be full disclosure and regret on the part of the WS. My feeling is that the WW's who go hog wild with their AP's will never R. Too much pride and shame, and because they can never see their H in the same way again. Or he her. Even down the line, after the hysterical bonding, the therapy, the reconnection .. there will be those nagging doubts. But if the WW can show BH he's still the man and admits how selfish she was, then there's hope. But she'd have a lot of making up to do. He has to be able to reclaim her as his own.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

I can only answer for myself. For me the reason that I wanted the truth is I will not live with a lie. I have found out enough to satisfy as one poster put it my inner code. I for one cannot live with a ho with no integrity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

The BS needs to know what they are forgiving.

The WS needs to look the BS in the eye and tell everything so they will fully realize what they have done.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

As the saying goes: "The truth is stranger than fiction". What my WW confessed to was totally opposite of what I would have expected. I would have thought my WW would have gone for the romantic type, but instead it was all sex and no "I love you", "I miss you", etc. You can't make up some of the stuff she told me and believe me, it would have been easier on her if she had. I could tell that confessing some of the stuff she told me really tore her up. But even as hard as it was to hear, it wasn't anywhere near what MY imagination was telling me. Some of the stuff I was thinking was way, way worse. In the end, as hard as it was to hear, it put to rest a lot of bad thoughts I had and showed me my WW was willing to tell me the truth. If she was going to lie to me, believe me she would have never admitted to some of the stuff she told.

Most importantly, it brought out into the open exactly what she had done. No rug sweeping, hiding, nothing. She had to admit to herself how far down she had gone. It took away ALL her petty excuses for her affair. When it was all out in the open she could no longer rationalize anything she had done, it was all square on her shoulders.

And lastly, it opened up communication in an area she NEVER wanted to talk about, and a big issue in our marriage, sex. She now has to talk about it or I would walk. This alone has changed our marraige beyond belief. It wasn't worth having an A for, but at least something good came from it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My ex-husband never admitted to anything I didn't have proof for. When I divorced him I was finally able to let go of all of that but not before. 

Who we think they are and who they really are is not the same thing.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

Searching for the "truth" about my marriage allowed me to put things in their proper perspective. It allowed me to close the past out and move forward.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

He has no intentions of reconciling their relationship and thank god he had only engaged her and not actually married as I first thought, but he kind of just wants to know why she was doing what she did, what was so wrong with him?

I keep telling him to stop asking himself what he was doing wrong as for what ever it was he didn't deserve being cheated on over it.

he wants one more conversation to answer his questions, I told him to just expect her to lie her a$$ off.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

badkarma2013 said:


> He came to my office and showed me pics of my wife doing sexual acts that for 22yrs she said was SICK and DISGUSTING...But there she was was doing it with him...


I've observed a lot of women who say its SICK and DISGUSTING when describing it to their husbands. Like Margaret White (Steven King's Carrie) said, " And then, that night, I saw him looking down at me that way. We got down on our knees to pray for strength. I smelled the whiskey on his breath. Then he took me. He took me, with the stink of filthy roadhouse whiskey on his breath, and I liked it. I liked it! With all that dirty touching of his hands all over me." There are to many opportunities out there to put up with that horse sh-t.


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

For me right now 3 weeks post Dday I don't want to know much of anything. At some point I may want to know more. I know enough for me for now. It was supposed to be a quickie affair at a conference and when they came home it'd be over. Then she kicked her husband out and pressured mine to move in and he complied.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

ThePheonix said:


> I can fully understand a guy demanding to know "all the details". However its an impossible quest. You have no way of knowing if you've gotten the whole story and you can never know the nuances of feelings and emotions that are in essence, what makes the sex part more than a mechanical act.


If you can a hold of correspondence -- whether electronic or otherwise -- and bank and credit card statements, it will bring you closer to the truth.

With my fiance I could see a pivotal moment:

1. there was a charge of £127 at a pub (in which the drinks average about £5)
2. I could see messages related to going to the pub to watch a game with her and her friends.
3. I could see an e-mail 3 days after this event in which she told him that there were no so such things a pity kisses.....

Now what would you all make out of that......


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## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

This only has any real bearing if there is a desire to reconcile as opposed to straight off divorce or separation.

I think from my experience that some of the gory bits are best skipped and if it was emotional and physical then straight to divorce, emotional can be worse though as there is a hyper bond between affair partners, if it was just banging sessions with super Alpha male or fresh meat in the office with oranges worth juicing then it can be gotten through, combined, that is never going to happen if you are a betrayed you best get your head round being single.

Although, it is also not uncommon to omit certain details, not so much in order to save yourself as the wayward but in order to save your betrayed the pain of knowing just how far you went, double edged sword that though!

I confessed all on multiple occassions and she still chased me down :scratchhead:


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## ClairesDad (Aug 27, 2013)

Openminded said:


> My ex-husband never admitted to anything I didn't have proof for. When I divorced him I was finally able to let go of all of that but not before.
> 
> Who we think they are and who they really are is not the same thing.



My STBXW is the same way. Only when I had absolute proof would she admit anything. I found out enough on D-Day to last a life time. Every detail of her romp the night before was contained on Instant Messenger. I found out and then she's professing her love for me and wanting to work it out. I found out more on my own over the following months that made me decide to stop the R and file for D.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

danger_mouse said:


> if it was just banging sessions with super Alpha male or fresh meat in the office with oranges worth juicing then it can be gotten through


Actually it can't; unless you want to spend your future wondering when the next super Alpha or bushel of oranges comes along.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

The truth only matters in the case of reconciliation where telling everything helps BS understand the scope of the betrayal which helps them understand just what they're getting themselves into if they choose to stay.



If the betrayed spouse has no interest in reconciliation and plans to divorce then knowing the hull truth is irrelevant And in fact may be interpreted as adding salt to the wound and it could create a hostile environment between the two parties.



In the end the truth is a double edged sword for the wayward spouse tell everything and you may destroy your betrayed spouse tell little and you may be continued seen as untrustworthy In the end it all comes down to what the betrayed spouse intend to do.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I am divorced. I want the truth. I want it for closure. I need the truth. I don't need to know all of the sexual details. That's not healthy for either.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

For me, the MOTIVE and the person's ABILITY to resolve any personal issues are more important than the act of an affair.

If the MOTIVE can be explained in an acceptable way, then for me, a brief affair can be tolerable.

As in all relationships, both parties tend to be responsible for the breakdown in the relationship. Depending on the personal issues involved, and depending on how the affair is handled after it happens, my opinion is that many relationships can be saved after an affair and be completely successful in the future.

For me, our relationship broke down for the following reasons;
1. The WW's inability to express feelings of dis-satisfaction in the relationship,
2. The WW's inability to discuss emotions in which to emphasise the scale of said problem,
3. The WW's inability to address her husband's needs emotionally,
4. A husband who was in a state of depression and not acutely aware of any issue in the relationship,
5. A husband who was being passive aggressive (unknowingly), and this portrayed as not caring,
6. A husband who was unable to address the WW's reproductive (unknown at the time) and lifestyle needs (spoilt).

So, in our case, the problem (prior to the affair) was caused by both sides. 

It is my opinion that the WW's inabilities and somewhat selfish nature led her to choose an option which she felt easier than confronting her emotions/feelings. She had an affair.

So, in summary, I think that IF the affair is the result of a person's inabilities AND that person is capable of recognising those abilities and working hard to change those aspects of his/her person, then I think that it is possible to for a marriage to survive an affair.

IF the affair is one sided, malicious in nature, self gratifying, power related, or simply from a total lack of respect for their partner, then I would say it is not able to be forgiven or fixed.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

poida said:


> For me, the MOTIVE and the person's ABILITY to resolve any personal issues are more important than the act of an affair.
> 
> *If the MOTIVE can be explained in an acceptable way, then for me, a brief affair can be tolerable.*
> 
> ...



Two things I just wanted to point out real quick

First even if the motivations can be explained there still no excuse for cheating I can only speak for myself but a one time occurrence is no different than a 6 year affair in my opinion there will never be a valid reason to cheat. Second how does one determine what their role was in their partners affair how can you know for sure that you even had a role in first place and its not just blame shifting.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

xakulax said:


> Two things I just wanted to point out real quick
> 
> First even if the motivations can be explained there still no excuse for cheating I can only speak for myself but a one time occurrence is no different than a 6 year affair in my opinion there will never be a valid reason to cheat. Second how does one determine what their role was in their partners affair how can you know for sure that you even had a role in first place and its not just blame shifting.


Agreed - No excuses for cheating - It is only whether you can forgive and live with it that matters.

Length of affair mattered to me, but each situation is different.

For me, I determine the role I played in my partner's affair by myself. I did a lot of personal counselling and began to learn a lot about myself, the wife and the relationship. From this you get a really good holistic view of the events that have transpired and can more easily determine whether R is possible or realistic, or even if you want it. I actually didn't rely much on what the WW said, but I could definitely tell when she wasn't telling the whole truth after I figured myself out.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

xakulax said:


> Two things I just wanted to point out real quick
> 
> First even if the motivations can be explained there still no excuse for cheating I can only speak for myself but a one time occurrence is no different than a 6 year affair in my opinion there will never be a valid reason to cheat. Second how does one determine what their role was in their partners affair how can you know for sure that you even had a role in first place and its not just blame shifting.


That's the catch 22 with any talk of problems prior to the affair.. Using this example above..

Lets take these two:

*4. A husband who was in a state of depression and not acutely aware of any issue in the relationship,*

Could some of the depression have been caused or helped by a spouse that had checked out of the marriage, and was not only covering up an affair (to keep the husband unaware of any issues), but was caused by the gas lighting and confusion brought on by the detached partner. If the partner was honest about the AP, and the new feelings they were having, the husband would have become aware of the real issue in the relationship.

*5. A husband who was being passive aggressive (unknowingly), and this portrayed as not caring,*

Was he being passive aggressive because the wife wasn't making him feel safe? Not making him feel loved, or needed, or wanted? Was the 'unknowingly' part because he was being deceived and really didn't know the actual reason why he was being passive aggressive, because his spouse was playing mind games with him. He was being gas lit and blame shifted.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Truth is necessary to make an informed decision. 

The most frustrating thing in the world is thinking your partner may not have told you the truth - the dreaded trickle truth which is a form of torture. It also means you are married to a liar which includes the lying of non-disclosure, a type of lying much favoured by cheaters.

For me 100% truth. Only then do you find out who exactly you are married to.


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## nikoled (Mar 12, 2014)

I think truth gives you some peace. For me my WH's affair was a whole chapter of his life that is unknown to me. I don't know the AP and I wasn't in their relationship. It was going on parallel to our life together with our children. In every picture during this time period life was not as it really seemed. Knowing some details allows you to fill in some blanks and see the affair for what it was. It is painful and disgusting, but for some reason at least for me it brings me a little peace to not have an unknown. I'd rather be angry then afraid and knowing makes me less anxious.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Some people need the truth, and when you find out you have been lied to, and didn't notice, it can be hard to reconcile. I think that for some people who ask the million questions the real questions they want to be asking is: 1) how did this go on and I never noticed. 2) why would you hurt me like this. 

But when you are in pain this comes out like: 1) how many times 2) when did this happen 3) don't you love me anymore...... and so on


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

For me the value is high, for several reasons:

1 - I don't want to deal with the insecurity of not knowing everything that happened. I don't want to have to imagine it. I don't want the unsure feeling of thinking the A "might" be worse than it was presented. (though in my case I don't think it could have been).

2 - As I see it, full disclosure is a needed consequence the WS deserves. Without it, I feel that it's a form of rug sweeping. I would regret not testing her willingness to be completely honest and open - for skipping an important confirmation of her of remorse.

3 - I had to know everything before I could make the decision to R, to know what I'm trying to overcome. I don't see how BS's can even consider R when they have doubts about the full truth; and I don't understand why some don't want to know.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

For many there is a need to know, so the sub--conscious will stop imagining what happened----for some it is better to know all the details, as then they can move on ---for others who knows

World made up of billions of people everyone is different, everyone has different needs/wants/aims/desires.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I had a conversation with my oldest BIL back in 2012. He got it in many ways, about his sister, my wife. When my wife's famuily was somewhat divided during our false R, my wife would not come clean on many things. Then 2013 d-day all over again and my wife would not come clean (til late April).

As my oldest BIL and I were talking at that time my wife was not comeing clean and we had all kinds of scenerios about what she was doing. My BIL said to some members of his family, when our sister does not tell the truth or come clean "We fill in the blanks".


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## StuckInAL (May 8, 2014)

during our initial reconcilliation; i didn't want to know the details...i was afraid it would derail things for me. 

recently, i did go back and ask some uncomfortable questions and ti was interesting the way my mind had filled in so many blanks. getting the truth (regardless of if it was better or worse than the blanks i'd imagined) was cathartic and good for me, i believe.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

russell28 said:


> That's the catch 22 with any talk of problems prior to the affair.. Using this example above..
> 
> Lets take these two:
> 
> ...


In my case, BOTH of these were true.

The WW, being unable and unwilling to talk about how she felt, clearly express her needs, and willingly provide emotional support to her husband where it is needed DEFINITELY contributed to my depression and passive aggressive response.

On my own side, this was compounded by typical "nice guy" behaviours that have resulted from early childhood experiences (need for approval, lack of confidence, lack of individualism, lack of self awareness). I accept full responsibility for these behaviours and how they affected our relationship.

So, in some ways, yes, the WW got back what she caused. And then her response to run away from her problems resulted in an affair.

With all this in mind, for ME, it meant that I could rationalise the events that transpired and forgive the affair PROVIDED that the WW recognised the causes and reactions in our relationship that got us to where we were and works hard to resolve them.

As it turns out, I worked very hard to get where I am and she has done little and learnt next to nothing.

I was prepared to try to make it work, but with no progress made, the WW has made R impossible.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

badkarma2013 said:


> He came to my office and showed me pics of my wife doing sexual acts that for 22yrs she said was SICK and DISGUSTING...But there she was was doing it with him...


what A POS (but in the other hand it was probably the push you needed to let her go)

I am guessing that after he did this her phantasy of OM being the nice guy who understood her like anyone else and who honestly cared about her fell appart and she began to beg for a second chance.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Openminded said:


> My ex-husband never admitted to anything I didn't have proof for. When I divorced him I was finally able to let go of all of that but not before.
> 
> Who we think they are and who they really are is not the same thing.


Same here. But you know what? I know enough. I know enough to push him out of my life and let go. I don't want to know just how much he disrespected me. I know enough.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Regardless, R or D....

If you want the truth, don't waste time post DD. The truth has an expiration date. In D why bother. In R, your WS will only go there for a while. At sometime you just have to move on, dragging up the EAPA years on end will doom any R.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

RWB said:


> Regardless, R or D....
> 
> If you want the truth, don't waste time post DD. The truth has an expiration date. In D why bother. In R, your WS will only go there for a while. At sometime you just have to move on, dragging up the EAPA years on end will doom any R.



:iagree:


I agree *the truth does have expiration date in cases like these* and it's my personal beliefs that many waywards not all but most Keep some aspects of their affairs with them to the grave the real question however is do they do it because they know it will damage there chances for staying together or to keep it as a fond memory


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I tried to find the thread but failed. I remember shortly after joining TAM there was a poster who wrote this. The wife was the WS and they were in R for 6 years. The WS basically said, "I know it has been over 6 years since my EA and I know you are over it, I just want to tell you that it was not just an EA, it was a PA and we had sex three times".

The husband without telling the wife, went to an attorney, filed and divorced her. 

I think there was another story back around that time where a couple was in R for 10 years and the same thing happened.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Openminded said:


> My ex-husband never admitted to anything I didn't have proof for. When I divorced him I was finally able to let go of all of that but not before.
> 
> Who we think they are and who they really are is not the same thing.


And this, is exactly why I want the truth from my ex, and don't need the gory details of what kind of sex was going on, but maybe enough to know if there was a huge difference in our sexual desires, like she needs multiple partners at the same time or she needs them at different times or she needs BDSM or something I wouldn't normally think of doing. I'm not saying she did any of these things. I truly don't know. It's just an example to help those reading understand.

There could be many other things, as well, unrelated to sex. That stuff would help me to see that it wasn't right and never could be a good marriage and reconcile myself to fixing things that I talk about with a therapist and find problematic. 

I just want to be happy. Please?


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## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

manticore said:


> what A POS (but in the other hand it was probably the push you needed to let her go)
> 
> I am guessing that after he did this her phantasy of OM being the nice guy who understood her like anyone else and who honestly cared about her fell appart and she began to beg for a second chance.


Maybe to some degree...but after i outed him to his BW she threw him out and hired the most expensive D lawyer in our city...She Destroyed him in the divorce...I had same Atty. Firm Threaten a multi million law suit ..(.OM was the CFO and had promoted her as his asst. so they could travel together....) THEY BOTH WERE FIRED...

This was his vengence (showing me the pics)....It worked ,the second i saw the pics ...it was over...NO Reconciliation,NO Forgivness and NO MORE MARRIAGE.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

RWB said:


> Regardless, R or D....
> 
> If you want the truth, don't waste time post DD. The truth has an expiration date. In D why bother. In R, your WS will only go there for a while. At sometime you just have to move on, dragging up the EAPA years on end will doom any R.


For many this is probably the hardest part to swallow, that they withold and re-write the true events, even though the clues and flags were there to be seen and once an A has been discovered then those pieces fall neatly into place for the BS, but getting the truth, well, it can drive the BS "INSANE" not knowing the truth but having seen the clues in hind sight and after the fact, once re-written, forget about it or move on.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

badkarma2013 said:


> Maybe to some degree...but after i outed him to his BW she threw him out and hired the most expensive D lawyer in our city...She Destroyed him in the divorce...I had same Atty. Firm Threaten a multi million law suit ..(.OM was the CFO and had promoted her as his asst. so they could travel together....) THEY BOTH WERE FIRED...
> 
> This was his vengence (showing me the pics)....It worked ,the second i saw the pics ...it was over...NO Reconciliation,NO Forgivness and NO MORE MARRIAGE.


When I saw the raw unedited cctv version of multiple get togethers my ex had, either one on one or the group sessions, I felt compelled to watch to the end, more so out of disbelief, it killed every last ounce of care and loving affection.

I got totally blind sided by it and after it was revealed, I just lost it, I got lost in a world where I had no idea how I felt or whether it was real or not.

It was her throwing me out that ended my pains.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Adequate or the right information helps you to make sense of what was going on.

In my own situation, I could see the bar tab charge and the earlier e-mails that explained why they were there and roughly who they were with.

And in an e-mail from her 3 days later in which she is trying to get my (now) fiance to make a date with her despite his telling that he is waiting to hear from me first...... she wrote:

"Do not call me needy or disrespect me or tell me the only reason you kissed me was because you felt bad. There's no such thing as a pity kiss. Frankly, that's a cop out and you are not being honest with yourself. "​
I had trouble trying to understand that. So I asked him in an unguarded moment about that "kiss" and he admitted that he had initiated it and it was meant to be passionate.

So then it all became clear to me, he had just treated her like a girlfriend ie "providing for her and her friends that night." Therefore, he wanted her to treat him like a boyfriend. She didn't realise what a pivotal moment that was and rejected him. 

And sometimes I think, if she had had enough savvy to know how it important it was to return that kiss at that moment, our relationship (between me and my fiance) would have looked very different (and much worse, IMO). 

I am glad that I did persevere in finding as many pieces to this puzzle as possible.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

badkarma2013 said:


> MY trUTH came 3 months after d-day when I outed the OM to his wife and she threw him out..
> 
> He came to my office and showed me pics of my wife doing sexual acts that for 22yrs she said was SICK and DISGUSTING...But there she was was doing it with him...


Maybe the OM should thanked. Sometimes the only way to let go of someone who is bad for us is when they finally do or we learn about something that they did that is so nasty and unforgivable that from that point on, it becomes very easy to unravel oneself from that person. 

Badkarma, I bet you don't look back and wonder these days.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

The value the truth can only be determined by the BS.

A BS's mind needs the facts to process the affair. Without their required facts they can not move past the affair.

A BS will never rest and will be haunted for 30 + years seeking answers to their questions about affairs.

The WS trickle truthing will cause the affair to stay in their BS's mind forever.

Now some threads I have read there were very few BH's that only needed to know that the affair was over and that their WW was not going to leave them.

They refused to talk anymore about the affair with their WW's.

Then BH's that needed to know about the affair though did not need the sex details and then those BH's that did need those details.

Only the individual BS knows what he needs to learn about the affair.

Close with a BH that has questions that were left unanswered about the affair. Will have those questions haunting him forever and seeking the truth.


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