# Husband with Anger Issue is Destroyng our Family



## veryfrustrated (Nov 15, 2008)

Hi. I have been married for 14 yrs to my college sweetie. In most areas we are very compatible and have fun together and still love each other after being together for 19 years in total. Here is the problem: he has an explosive temper! He is not physical but he is verbally abusive. When he yells at me or the kids he does so in an accusing way and often insults us in very cruel tones. We've talked about it over and over and one night I even left b/c I just couldn't take it. My pre-teen hates his father and wants him to die (yes, he really said that today). We are all walking on eggshells and breath a sigh of relief when he leaves the house for any reason. I know he sounds awful but on the flip side of it, he is a great partner and father. He coaches football, loves to pick them up from school, etc. We talk every week about his issue and he always makes an excuse for his behavior or tries to focus on what WE are doing wrong to provoke him. I don't know what to do anymore but we can't continue living this way. I am a very private person and haven't spoken about this to anyone I am close to. HELP!


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

qualified anger management sometimes is court mandated in cases that make it into the legal system (not suggesting anything, just telling you) and it really does work. and the system monitors the results so.....


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

voivod said:


> qualified anger management sometimes is court mandated in cases that make it into the legal system (not suggesting anything, just telling you) and it really does work. and the system monitors the results so.....


:iagree:\

draconis


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

my H had anger issues for a while, drinking didnt help mind you and only fuelled the situation.
after 13 years and i should have listened sooner, by reacting to his anger with my own, i was fuelling the situation and his anger became worse.
as a family we couldnt take no more and eventually H kinda gave in to what he was doing and pushing us away . 
he went to see his gp who said he was depressed. he was prescribed medication and he has much improved for the last 7 months. 
prior to this and over the years, we tried lots of ways to help his anger issue. but the GP proved the better move.
however the important factor i found, my H had to recognise his own issue.


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## hockey_mom (Oct 23, 2008)

Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse if not worse the scars remain with you for a very long time.The effects it has on children is detramental to them as they will carry this into there relationships.
First of all what is behind the anger?Court ordered anger management does not alway's work as the person is being ordered to do something they may be in deniel over.
You need to take a good look at this relationship and take care of you and your kid's


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## Tawny Somers (Oct 31, 2008)

Face it: he's a lousy father.

Anyone who does this to their child, is a lousy parent. I wouldn't put up with it. JMHO


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## argentina (Nov 29, 2008)

I can relate to your situation. Please read my post "What is wrong with my husband". My husband has had anger management counselling in the past and we have had marriage counselling. I find it works for a while, but ultimately he goes back to his old ways. He probably needs more intensive therapy, but it is costly and I don't know if he would agree. Have you discussed counselling with your husband? I speak openly to my children about their Dad's inappropriate behaviour, so they are aware that this is not how it should be. I also don't know whether to hang in there with the marriage and just put up with it or separate. I have found that having my own career, financial independance, interests and goals have contributed to my ability to me able to handle his anger issues. If you do decide to separate, you have your own independence and lifestyle that will still continue without him and this is important.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

were all lousy parents at times. no one is perfect and its a continual learning curve for any parent. i know i face issues everyday.
my youngest going through this attention phase, if he cant have what he wants , he tries to phone the national abuse line or the police.
children can be cruel to their parents. my youngest the other day, wished we were dead , so he could do what he wanted and thats how he put it. 
Through my H and his wanting to do something about his aggression, the medication kicked in and i am honest when i tell you, he is a changed man. 
some ppl can change . we all have tendencies of cruel intentions, they are normal within boundaries.


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