# Why is she still talking to him



## Nosmoresmiles (Aug 25, 2017)

So it's been a little while since I posted last but I have had a lot to think about my situation is that my wife and I are still separated( since July) we have had minimal contact but we started to talk as I still needed to know what happened. She has finally told me that after we separated she has made some rash decisions that she regrets this involves another guy that she meet whilst we was together but has promised me that nothing happened until after she left ( I want to believe that she is being honest about the timing it but I'm not sure) I know that there are also other reasons as to why she left she said she can't see past the fact that she wants to travel and believes that I did not support her in this ( I never said she couldn't I asked for a compromise so the both of us could go) we have also moved 3 times in the last 2 years and that has made her feel unsettled and that she has no security ( all the times we move was because she wanted to I was happy in our first house even tho we didn't own it, it was well priced in the rental market and we was able to make a home there) the reason for moving was because we wanted to own a place to call home and not rent. Her Parents pushed and pushed for us to move into a holiday home they had so we could save money and as good as it sounded that's where more problems began after a month they then wanted us to pay the rental costs that they paid on the place, this worked out to be more than what we was paying on the property we moved out of,this caused stress and unrest between us. The relationship between her parents and me has always been rocky they have never liked me and always thought she could do better than me ( she's an only child) and they still treat her as if she is not a grown woman able to make her own choices in life. We have spoken many times about this but all it's ever come down to is they feel I have taken her away from them. The next reason for a move was that her parents decided they was going to sell the place we was living in but and I quote her mums words "that we could move in with them or maybe better if she moved in and see me weekends" needless to say I was not happy about this so I spoke to my parents and they welcomed us both into their home and did not ask for anything in return. My wife's parents did not like this and began to tell her that she wouldn't be happy there and it was to far for her to travel to work ( it's actually closer to her work) so that's the reasons I was given but she only told me about this guy a couple of days ago she also said that she does still have feelings for me and that she wants me to think about what has been said and wants to know if I am sure I still want to try and work things out her words " we have some stuff that we need to fight through it will be hard but do you think you want to fight and see where it goes" I said that we both needed to think about what had been said and go from there but even with everything that had been spoken about I told her that I still wanted to try. After we parted I spent time thinking about what she had said about this guy I can deal with everything else I have shown her that I understand and will support her if she wants to travel I have said I will make an effort with their mum and dad and try to help her feel more secure and settled but this guy thing lead me to more questions so I eventually asked her if we could discuss this she agreed and promised to be truthful when answering any questions i had. 

She did this and I believe that she told the truth because of one question I asked. Now I need to state I have never stopped her from doing anything or being friends with anyone one of our closest friends is actually one of her ex boyfriends. I'm a strange person and I know how strange that must sound to some people that he is still in her life and I'm ok with that but he is like family. 
But when I asked if she was still talking to this person she said yes. This is what I'm really struggling with this is a guy who is also in a relationship this is a guy who knew she is married who lied to her by saying he was single and in her words " put her off of all contact with men" so why does she still want to talk to him she said she feels sorry for him maybe that's why she still wants to talk or that she thinks he is a nice guy. I asked her how can he be nice if all he has done is lie and cheat. She said he was just a rebound but again if this is true why does she still want to talk to him. I honestly believe I can move on with this if she said that she would not talk to him anymore but I do not know how to deal with the fact she said she doesn't want to see him anymore but wants to talk still. I still love my wife dearly I still see us being able to work things out if it wasn't for this one thing she is more open to a couples counselling session than ever before she has said she wants to try she even let slip that she has missed me and as she was about to leave she said "Im sorry for everything I have said and done I still love u please be safe and I will speak to you soon" I believe she wants to fight with me otherwise she would have not told me about this guy she would have taken it to her grave she said she is scared because now she has put everything out there she feels open and vulnerable and feels like I will throw this back in her face I can say I am different to the normal guy and I wouldn't do that to her and i truly believe I won't but it's only this one thing that I feel we will not be able to move past. Please help


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

You sir are getting a good ole fashioned mind****.

If she wanted to be with you, she would be, as she is in complete control
of this relationship. She's stringing you along.

Please get the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover and read it immediately.

Then report back.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Nomoresmiles said:


> she said she feels sorry for him maybe that's why she still wants to talk or that she thinks he is a nice guy. I asked her how can he be nice if all he has done is lie and cheat. She said he was just a rebound


Your wife is a spoiled-rotten brat. Her parents have given her everything throughout life, she has not had to earn nor work for her "security". The 'feels sorry for him" is 100% horse****. He is not a "nice guy". She is receiving emotional support from him, at the very least. In order to make your marriage work, she has to "forsake all others", just like the marriage vows say. If she is not willing to honor her own promise which she made before God and witnesses, then you will be far better off to keep her out of your life and find a morally-upright, "unspoiled" woman to be your life partner.



nomoresmiles said:


> they have never liked me and always thought she could do better than me ( she's an only child) and they still treat her as if she is not a grown woman able to make her own choices in life


I'm sorry I have to be the bearer of this news to you, but your wife is not a "grown woman". She is still a child. And, it's not just her parents who think she could "do better" than you. Your wife also thinks this, and has extremely little respect for you. She is extremely self-centered and poisonously arrogant to assume that you will accept this nonsense.

You have to do what you think is right. But, from my viewpoint, you should just lose her and go find yourself a woman who is mature enough for marriage.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You married a spoiled only child.

It's who she is.

Time to move on. She will never change nor ever value you except for what you can give her.


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## Nosmoresmiles (Aug 25, 2017)

So yesterday I finally stood up for myself and told her I wanted to work things out but only if she told the other guy that she was done. She told me that she couldn't do that as he threatened to tell everyone what she had done and ruin her reputation in the industry we work in ( everyone knows everyone in our kind of business it does not matter if you have worked for them or not everyone keeps tabs on the competition) I told her to stop the lies and tell him, or I was done fighting for her I was done letting her walk all over me. She said that she couldn't tell him just in case he did tell everyone so I said one last time if she did not then we was done and I would have no reason not to tell people what had really happened when I was asked by friends and family.i told her to tell him and I would stand by her side and see if we could work things out I told her I would help her if he did tell everyone I would be her rock and support if it happened. I see the panic and fear in her eyes that her family would find out the real reason behind the split and she would be disowned ( they are religious and it's against their beliefs) she told me that this was a side of me that she had never seen before. I told her that no one had ever treated me this way no one had ever hurt me this much that's the reason why I said what I said not because I was trying to hurt her but I needed to give her a reason to tell me the reason why she could not tell this guy it was over. She told me fine I will do what you have asked but after that we was done too because I had threatened to do the same thing he had. 

So today I have called my boss and explained what has happened and told him I will not be in. Today is the day I'm going to see someone face to face about divorce, today is the day I take charge and make her see what she has lost and all this is happening on the same day that 5 years ago I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. Yesterday I was broken, torn, hurt, cold, numb and afraid to be alone, but today is the day I'm taking control today is the day I am ready to put all the love and fight I was willing to give to her into myself. I still love her with ever fibre in my body I still don't hate her I still wish things could be different but now I am turning my attention to myself I am letting go so the healing can begin. Thank you all once again your support means everything and maybe one day I will be able to say something to someone on here that will help them I will be able to show them just what you guys have shown me, it is not the end it's the start of something new


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Nosmoresmiles said:


> So yesterday I finally stood up for myself and told her I wanted to work things out but only if she told the other guy that she was done. She told me that she couldn't do that as he threatened to tell everyone what she had done and ruin her reputation in the industry we work in ( everyone knows everyone in our kind of business it does not matter if you have worked for them or not everyone keeps tabs on the competition) I told her to stop the lies and tell him, or I was done fighting for her I was done letting her walk all over me. She said that she couldn't tell him just in case he did tell everyone so I said one last time if she did not then we was done and I would have no reason not to tell people what had really happened when I was asked by friends and family.i told her to tell him and I would stand by her side and see if we could work things out I told her I would help her if he did tell everyone I would be her rock and support if it happened. I see the panic and fear in her eyes that her family would find out the real reason behind the split and she would be disowned ( they are religious and it's against their beliefs) she told me that this was a side of me that she had never seen before. I told her that no one had ever treated me this way no one had ever hurt me this much that's the reason why I said what I said not because I was trying to hurt her but I needed to give her a reason to tell me the reason why she could not tell this guy it was over. She told me fine I will do what you have asked but after that we was done too because I had threatened to do the same thing he had.
> 
> So today I have called my boss and explained what has happened and told him I will not be in. Today is the day I'm going to see someone face to face about divorce, today is the day I take charge and make her see what she has lost and all this is happening on the same day that 5 years ago I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. Yesterday I was broken, torn, hurt, cold, numb and afraid to be alone, but today is the day I'm taking control today is the day I am ready to put all the love and fight I was willing to give to her into myself. I still love her with ever fibre in my body I still don't hate her I still wish things could be different but now I am turning my attention to myself I am letting go so the healing can begin. Thank you all once again your support means everything and maybe one day I will be able to say something to someone on here that will help them I will be able to show them just what you guys have shown me, it is not the end it's the start of something new


Excellent!


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Nosmoresmiles said:


> So yesterday I finally stood up for myself and told her I wanted to work things out but only if she told the other guy that she was done. She told me that she couldn't do that as he threatened to tell everyone what she had done and ruin her reputation in the industry we work in ( everyone knows everyone in our kind of business it does not matter if you have worked for them or not everyone keeps tabs on the competition) I told her to stop the lies and tell him, or I was done fighting for her I was done letting her walk all over me. She said that she couldn't tell him just in case he did tell everyone so I said one last time if she did not then we was done and I would have no reason not to tell people what had really happened when I was asked by friends and family.i told her to tell him and I would stand by her side and see if we could work things out I told her I would help her if he did tell everyone I would be her rock and support if it happened. I see the panic and fear in her eyes that her family would find out the real reason behind the split and she would be disowned ( they are religious and it's against their beliefs) she told me that this was a side of me that she had never seen before. I told her that no one had ever treated me this way no one had ever hurt me this much that's the reason why I said what I said not because I was trying to hurt her but I needed to give her a reason to tell me the reason why she could not tell this guy it was over. She told me fine I will do what you have asked but after that we was done too because I had threatened to do the same thing he had.
> 
> So today I have called my boss and explained what has happened and told him I will not be in. Today is the day I'm going to see someone face to face about divorce, today is the day I take charge and make her see what she has lost and all this is happening on the same day that 5 years ago I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. Yesterday I was broken, torn, hurt, cold, numb and afraid to be alone, but today is the day I'm taking control today is the day I am ready to put all the love and fight I was willing to give to her into myself. I still love her with ever fibre in my body I still don't hate her I still wish things could be different but now I am turning my attention to myself I am letting go so the healing can begin. Thank you all once again your support means everything and maybe one day I will be able to say something to someone on here that will help them I will be able to show them just what you guys have shown me, it is not the end it's the start of something new


You're not "showing her" anything.

You're showing you.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Nomoresmiles said:


> I still love her with ever fibre in my body I still don't hate her I still wish things could be different but now I am turning my attention to myself I am letting go so the healing can begin.


I wish I could tell you that things might someday be different. However, my experience tells me otherwise. When you have a "spoiled" person whose parents protect them from all consequences of their selfish actions, they don't often change. Mostly, they go to their graves with their entire world encircling their own head at a low orbit.

Chalk this one up..... move on, and find someone who is a caring and considerate person, who understands that others live in the world, too.....


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## 71bgol (Nov 30, 2013)

Stay strong. She is giving BS excuses to talk to him. I would have, and have had no patience for that. My wife had an affair with a lesbian coworker. I told her when it came out if she ever talks to her again, even once, I won't go to counceling with her(when it first came out, I wanted a D immediately, she didn't)

She Text her saying to never talk to her again, then blocked and deleted her number. She was literally on her knees begging me to go to counseling and not leave her. 

Take the power back! If you don't you will regret letting her walk all over you, even if you do work things out.


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## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

She's keeping this other guy on that back burner. That's why she is and wants to still talk to him. If you leave her she'll move on to him within weeks. She also told you that she's worried that you'll throw it in her face later so that you in an attempt to dodge acceptability and she's setting yopu up to be the bad guy to validate what she's done and avoid feeling guilty. If you try to discuss the issue further that what she wants she'll say "see I told you you would throw it back in my face" 

Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Nomore smiles

you are taking your life back, and your self-respect...she can no longer take that away from you unless you let her.....she she is now a prisoner of her own stupidity...and she has no one to blame but herself.


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## tailrider3 (Oct 22, 2016)

Good job. I loved my wife dearly and bent over backwards for her as you did. I tried to believe her even though I knew the truth. What I realized is that in the end, your wife as with mine is not happy with herself. They are emotionally numb for some reason and are trying to feel again but at our and their family's expense. It sucks but you are doing the right thing. Mine filed first after her family did a sort of intervention. She then dragged her feet and tried to keep me as plan B. Nope. Force her to do the paperwork if she tries to stall. Good luck.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As is, why would a rational man even entertain the notion of staying with somebody like this?*


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