# The Ups and Downs of my new life



## Mara.May (Oct 24, 2020)

So it's been awhile since I last posted here... telling the story of my husband cheating and leaving me and our family for a teenage girl. 
DDay was September 2020 and we are on our way to divorce and I can't wait to finally be free of being his wife and carrying his last name.
He's still with the 17-year-old girl and living THE LIFE. I don't talk to him. Only if it's about our nearly 3-year-old. He picks him up every second weekend and my father hands him over. 

Last weekend was the first time he had his girlfriend with him for pick-up. She got out of the car with a big smile on her face and wanted to introduce herself to my father. Thank god I wasn't there for that... I don't know what I would have done. 

Most of the time I'm happy. I feel free. I'm not bound to working in his company for the rest of my life, his constant money issues, his arrogant talking and a hundred different things that I oversaw during our marriage cause I loved him.

But there are moments where I'm lost. Where I miss him and our life. Where I just want to go back and try to do things differently so I don't have to raise my baby boy in a broken family.
The questions why he did what he did are constantly on the surface. Wondering if I could have done anything to prevent this.
Has he always been like that and I just didn't see it?
He made me believe he loved me till the very second I found out about the affaire. The minute I found out he let his mask slip and hated me with a passion I have never seen before.

I think a lot about my little boy. How will he grow up. What do I tell him if one day he asks why we're not together anymore. Why his father's girlfriend is more important than him. (My husband changed weekends with me, so he could celebrate his girlfriend's 18th birthday without having to watch his son. Switching weekends let's me have our child on his birthday. My husband knows that and didn't care.)

What he did broke something in me. I can feel it. There's this sadness in me.. this constant nagging if someone is telling the truth or just using me.

Anyone here going through the same? Or did anyone go trough this and has survived... living a good life and "just not caring anymore"?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Mara.May said:


> So it's been awhile since I last posted here... telling the story of my husband cheating and leaving me and our family for a teenage girl.
> DDay was September 2020 and we are on our way to divorce and I can't wait to finally be free of being his wife and carrying his last name.
> He's still with the 17-year-old girl and living THE LIFE. I don't talk to him. Only if it's about our nearly 3-year-old. He picks him up every second weekend and my father hands him over.
> 
> ...


I remember your story, and your disgusting husband.

Im sorry that you’re having a hard time. I can relate. I feel very broken. Very resentful and very angry. But I’m still not in my own space yet to process the emotions fully so it will be a while I’m sure. In the meantime I just accept the emotions, and refuse to judge myself for any one of them. Acknowledge and label without judgement. That’s a little tool I picked up from my counselor. She has her hands full with me. 

It’s even worse, I imagine, to have someone flaunting it around with their child girlfriend like they’re having the greatest time ever and showing zero remorse and zero regret for destroying lives. That would piss me off something awful. But you have to know that you didn’t cause this right? Nothing you could’ve done would have changed the fact that your STBXH is a dumbass that likes high school girls.

I think you need to have compassion for yourself. You are trying to heal a deep betrayal and deal with a completely different life than you ever thought you’d have. And then getting used to being a single mom is another issue all together. I feel like you need to find things to feel good about life again,hobbies, interests, doing things just for yourself, making new friends, forging a new deep and rich life for yourself. One that you can feel proud of and get to the point where you wouldn’t wish for any other life. What have you always wanted to do but never have? What do you love to do that creates joy or solace for you? Fill your life with meaning and doing only what you love so that there is no room to long for the past.

Everything in life is a season, just know that this one can’t last forever, especially if you don’t allow it. Do you have any friends you can go on a weekend away with when you don’t have your son? Did you end up getting a new job? Are you doing ok financially?


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

This happened to a very good friend of mine several years back. Circumstances were virtually the same.

Her husband had a very similar gung ho attitude towards his children, would often cancel seeing them at the last minute and let them down regularly. They also felt that he did not want to be there on occasions when he did have them and wanted to be with his new girlfriend. However, he would also switch to the other extent at different times, taking them to Disneyland on a whim, doing “fun” things that their mother wanted to do with them but she was busy bringing them up 11.5 days out of 14. New girlfriend wanted to be the new best friend of his wife which, obviously didn’t happen.

My friend did not deal with this well. She was very resentful over his betrayal, hated him but also missed what they had together. She did not want to reconcile but wanted her old life, even though she was unhappy at the time.

She was also very resentful about how he treated their children With all of the unpredictable highs and lows. She hated having to see their hurt when he let them down or be the “bad guy” dealing with the every day (school etc) when he did something exciting with them.

So, for happier news. Her children know what their mum has done for them, always being there for them and providing a secure, loving family home. My friend knew that she was better off without her husband and met someone else. They have been together now for over 15 years.

Her kids have grown into really nice older teenagers and are a credit to her. They have a loving relationship with their mum and a more distant, meh, relationship with their father.

Things I wish she would change:

- Not keep that anger with her ex-husband. She has never fully let that go

- My friend has accepted the marriage break up was her husband’s fault and also came to understand the majority of their friends thought her ex was an immature idiot. She has never told her new partner this but, even after all this time and his ridiculous behaviour, she still harbours a spark for him in a small way.

- Stop hoping her ex-husband’s relationship crashes and burns, it won’t.

- Recognise what she has more in the here and now and not keep harping back to olden days

- Stop feeling resentful about her ex-husband’s lack of parenting skills and recognise she did a fine job of raising her kids.

Overall, my friend has come out of this well. She likes her new life but is still resentful about her ex-husband after all these years. The ex is still with the girlfriend but I do worry how my friend will react if they have children. I think it will devastate her.

I am glad you met someone else (are you still together). I hope it gave you reassurance and confidence you are attractive to other men and have a lot to offer. Have that confidence in yourself, both as a partner and mother.

Recognise things will get tough at times but you are so much better off. You can’t control your husband’s actions nor those of his family but you can look at them and think that you are well rid of them.

Hope this helps in some small way.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Who he is and who you thought he was are not the same. 

It will be easier if you come to realize he isn’t who you thought he WAS.

So now you know who he really is... proceed knowing that reality.

Get as much child support as you can - especially since he doesn’t take the child very often.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

You married a man-child. Eventually, the 17-18-year-old he is infatuated with will mature beyond him and likely dump him. Guys like this never grow up and you couldn't prevent the situation any more than you could change the course of the moon. I’m sorry you are enduring this but I think it would be wise to remember that the times you miss, were a fiction and that the “boy” would never be able to fulfill your expectations as a father to your child or as a man to you. Don't allow him the standing of breaking you, he can't. You're in charge, not him. How could an immature man that acts as he does, break you? 

It sounds to me like you’re sparing your little boy the heartache of growing in an environment with him as a constant. Good for you. I would not worry too much about what to tell your boy when he gets older. Along the way you will figure it out and you’ll know how to address those issues with him. You’re his mom after all...


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## Mara.May (Oct 24, 2020)

QuietRiot said:


> That’s a little tool I picked up from my counselor. She has her hands full with me.
> 
> ......
> But you have to know that you didn’t cause this right? Nothing you could’ve done would have changed the fact that your STBXH is a dumbass that likes high school girls.
> ...


I also have a counselor and she has to deal with a lot of mood swings with me. Poor woman. 

Most times I know I didn't cause this mess. But I do have moments where I wonder if I was too "hard" on him. I wanted to get a structure in his life and company... always having all these debts in the back of my mind. 

I'm trying to get my life back on track. I found some great new friends that I would have never had the time to meet if I stayed with him. I always wanted to be a professional photographer and I'm trying to do that now. I'm working on my website and also want to sell some creative stuff I do on etsy. I'm on it.
Financially I'm okay but I'm also looking for a job right now. Where I live you need one, so they'll pay for your medical care. That's my goal.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Your ex is with a 17 year old girl? How old is he? That is not going to last. She’s obviously a confused girl to allowed herself to be used in the breakup of a marriage with a young kid. 

The best revenge is a life well lived. Continue to pursue your dreams at full steam ahead. Don’t stop pursuing your dream later when he comes sniffing back for you after his 17 year old gets bored with him.

When the time comes, you’ll meet a man that will appreciate having a passionate artist as his girl, until that day, work on being the best version of yourself possible. Go do some Yoga. It will help with stress and fitness.

Eventually your son will learn about how his father broke up the family for some young pus.. and it will not go well for his relationship. Your son will understand how his mother stood firm for him while the supposed leader of the family ran off for sex. What a disgusting piece of garbage.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

*Flavius* has it right:


FlaviusMaximus said:


> You married a man-child. Eventually, the 17-18-year-old he is infatuated with will mature beyond him and likely dump him. Guys like this never grow up and you couldn't prevent the situation any more than you could change the course of the moon. I’m sorry you are enduring this but I think it would be wise to remember that the times you miss, were a fiction and that the “boy” would never be able to fulfill your expectations as a father to your child or as a man to you. Don't allow him the standing of breaking you, he can't. You're in charge, not him. How could an immature man that acts as he does, break you?


*"Guys like this never grow up" * I won't argue the statement - but do agree the possibility of "growing up" may take 
a few decades. Check out narcissism. Smells like your hubby has a case of it.

I don't think mental illness is part of his problem - unless you call immaturity an illness and add the lack of sense.

I can't figure out how a 30 years old male would think a 17 year old is a serious relationship - even if SHE is mentally 
screwed up.

My $$ is she will dump him in two years max - and he will still be in your life because of your child. So he has a screwdriver
he will try to use to weasel back into your "good graces."

I hope you choose wisely when that situation begins -


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

ShatteredKat said:


> _My $$ is she will dump him in two years max - and he will still be in your life because of your child. So he has a screwdriver he will try to use to weasel back into your "good graces."_
> 
> I hope you choose wisely when that situation begins -


Good point and good advice...


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Mara.May said:


> I also have a counselor and she has to deal with a lot of mood swings with me. Poor woman.
> 
> Most times I know I didn't cause this mess. But I do have moments where I wonder if I was too "hard" on him. I wanted to get a structure in his life and company... always having all these debts in the back of my mind.
> 
> ...


You sound like you’re in a really good place! Can you take a photography class?

I think you’re letting yourself ruminate over a past that no longer matters, there is nothing you could’ve done. Nothing. Your H is gross. Don’t allow yourself to even go there anymore. When you start thinking of it, go take pictures and focus completely on that. Or craft, or anything that brings you to the present.

I mean just the fact you have the opportunity to raise your son almost full time? Thank GOD! His dad is a complete tool! And I guess you’ll never have to share your sons birthdays as long as Lolita is in his life, bonus! I mean you don’t even have to see the putz since your dad is willing to do pickup and drop off exchanges. I mean, you have a pretty awesome situation here as far as making lemonade from lemons. You just have to get to the part where you have built a crazy amazing life for yourself and your son... it takes time!


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## Mara.May (Oct 24, 2020)

Harold Demure said:


> I am glad you met someone else (are you still together). I hope it gave you reassurance and confidence you are attractive to other men and have a lot to offer. Have that confidence in yourself, both as a partner and mother.
> 
> Recognise things will get tough at times but you are so much better off. You can’t control your husband’s actions nor those of his family but you can look at them and think that you are well rid of them.
> 
> Hope this helps in some small way.


Thank you so much for telling me all of this. This has helped me a great deal.
Yes I’m still with the guy I met... 

If I’ll ever get over the anger? I don’t know. I really hope I’ll do but I think it’s something you can’t control in the end. At the moment I’m happy that the anger finally set in. Before that I wanted him back so badly. I’m over that now... hello anger... 😂


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## Mara.May (Oct 24, 2020)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> You married a man-child. Eventually, the 17-18-year-old he is infatuated with will mature beyond him and likely dump him. Guys like this never grow up and you couldn't prevent the situation any more than you could change the course of the moon. I’m sorry you are enduring this but I think it would be wise to remember that the times you miss, were a fiction and that the “boy” would never be able to fulfill your expectations as a father to your child or as a man to you. Don't allow him the standing of breaking you, he can't. You're in charge, not him. How could an immature man that acts as he does, break you?
> 
> It sounds to me like you’re sparing your little boy the heartache of growing in an environment with him as a constant. Good for you. I would not worry too much about what to tell your boy when he gets older. Along the way you will figure it out and you’ll know how to address those issues with him. You’re his mom after all...


I love love love what you are saying. It reminds me of all the times that I told my ex: when will you ever grow up.
I remember an evening... we were out, went to the cinema while my parents watched our 2-month old baby. We were standing at the red lights when a sports car stopped next to us. Lights turned green and my husband and the other idiot raced each other. I couldn’t believe it... when they finally stopped I just turned to him and said: we have a baby now... grow the f*** up. If anything happens to us due to your childish ways he’ll grow up without parents.

He acted like he understand me but I could see it in his eyes that this wasn’t his life. He didn’t want to grow up.


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## Mara.May (Oct 24, 2020)

jsmart said:


> Your ex is with a 17 year old girl? How old is he? That is not going to last. She’s obviously a confused girl to allowed herself to be used in the breakup of a marriage with a young kid.
> 
> ...
> 
> What a disgusting piece of garbage.


He’s 31... at least that’s what his passport says. 😂
What I know of the girl does actually confuse me. She’s this “here I am” kinda person. Is singing, playing like a hundred instruments, acting, Instagram wanna-be star, A+ student... I believe her mother is behind this.
But on the other hand I’ve seen pictures of her where she definitely has scars on the inside of her arms... 
whatever... I know, not my problem, but of course I wanted to know who he replaced me with.


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## Mara.May (Oct 24, 2020)

ShatteredKat said:


> I don't think mental illness is part of his problem - unless you call immaturity an illness and add the lack of sense.
> 
> I can't figure out how a 30 years old male would think a 17 year old is a serious relationship - even if SHE is mentally
> screwed up.
> ...





ShatteredKat said:


> Check out narcissism. Smells like your hubby has a case of it.
> ...
> 
> 
> ...


I actually read a lot about narcissism. He’s a narc, that’s for sure. I’m just surprised I didn’t see it. Normally I’m good in these kind of things.

I don’t think he’ll ever try to come back here after what my parents said to him. Last time he brought our son he was shaking in fear having to face my dad after he brought the girl. I have to put a camera on my dad so I can see these things live. 😂

I’d never take him back. Not in a million years. Not after what he did... after leaving me and our son... after finding out he stole money from me and some other things... and certainly not after he is telling people what a horrible person I am, and that he didn’t have any other way than to leave me. And the OW was “certainly not the reason for leaving me”. 😁 sure...


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## Mara.May (Oct 24, 2020)

QuietRiot said:


> You sound like you’re in a really good place! Can you take a photography class?
> 
> I think you’re letting yourself ruminate over a past that no longer matters, there is nothing you could’ve done. Nothing. Your H is gross. Don’t allow yourself to even go there anymore. When you start thinking of it, go take pictures and focus completely on that. Or craft, or anything that brings you to the present.
> 
> I mean just the fact you have the opportunity to raise your son almost full time? Thank GOD! His dad is a complete tool! And I guess you’ll never have to share your sons birthdays as long as Lolita is in his life, bonus! I mean you don’t even have to see the putz since your dad is willing to do pickup and drop off exchanges. I mean, you have a pretty awesome situation here as far as making lemonade from lemons. You just have to get to the part where you have built a crazy amazing life for yourself and your son... it takes time!


I’ll be taking classes as soon as this Covid situation in our country let’s me...

You’re right. I’m lucky I have my dad. And we all should pray that the girl stays a long time. As long as she’s here he’s busy... and let’s us live our life... most of the time.

Right now I nearly have my son full time, but he is trying to have him more through court. I know it’s cause his mom want her grandchild more often... and he can’t lose. That’s the only reasons. It’s not because he really likes spending time with our child.
He has him 2 days out of 14... and all our child is telling me when he’s home is: daddy is doing sports, daddy is driving with his Porsche, daddy let me watch TV. Daddy is telling me I can love him. 🤦🏼‍♀️


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

What a douche. I’m sure he’s on cloud 9 banging a young thing but eventually the high will wear off and he will have to look in the mirror and see what kind of man he’s become. Your 3 year old son will grow up and will one day look at his father with disgust in his eyes when he grasp how he treated his mom.

please work on your dream of becoming the artist you were meant to be. Don’t let anyone hold you back or tare you down. 

as for the new guy, it sounds like your Luke warm about him. It’s normal because it may have been to soon for you emotionally to date. Don’t let the pain of seeing your stbx with a younger woman make hang on to something that you’re just not into. When you’re mentally ready, the right man will come into your life and knock your socks off and your stbx will just be some guy you used to know. Until that day, work on being the best Mara you can be.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Just looked - the age of consent in Belgium is 16. Here in the US having sex with a 17 year old is rape. Sorry you are going through this.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Above poster mentioned a friend expecting the néw relationship to blow up - that’s a big one!

We have a very close friend who divorced his wife and remarried a girl in her early 20s who is smart and beautiful. He didn’t cheat though, that’s the only difference.

Nobody thinks it’s fair, he has a daughter from the first marriage who he really neglects now, he’s got a baby daughter with the young girl now. Ex wife didn’t cope with the end of the marriage, had a breakdown and the new situation is very difficult to watch for all of us. How wouldn’t it be? We’ve been close to the ex wife and we are all faced with this new young woman who we have to see all the time, knowing how unwell the ex wife is and the new wife is a picture of youth and health. 

It’s difficult to see the new family together having known the daughter and first wife, and our kids grew up together. We see them regularly and there’s always an excuse why the older daughter isn’t there on weekends much anymore (it’s really clear they just don’t want her around). And if she is there, it’s very awkward for us not to say something, both of them are a little mean towards her and you just want to sink into your chair. Stepmum complains about her, ignores her a lot and dad jumps on board. The girl is a shell. It’s so so so unfair.

Also awkward because the wife is young and immature, we’re all in our 40s with older kids, so much of the crowd now is made up of her younger friends with babies.

But back to my initial point - they are both very in love and very happy... this new relationship rubs everyone the wrong way and it seems cruel how many people are hurt by it. But I just don’t see it ending any time soon, they are very happy. The gossip is rampant, and everyone tells him to his face his new marriage won’t last either, and everyone is on the ex-wife’s side. But as much as it seems unjust, I can’t see it blowing up at all. Well, let’s give it a few more kids and another 10 years? 

It’s not going to help you to be reassured that it’s going to blow up - that’s the only thing I can tell you to let go of. I can’t imagine how I would feel if my husband left me for someone younger, prettier, smarter etc. I too would be hanging onto a bad ending for his new relationship. But it rarely actually happens. As unfair as it is to so many people! That is one thing you just don’t think about, among all the other things you would be feeling. Because you just don’t know!

I am so so sorry for you and your son, and I hope you are able to one day look back at all of this as just a story that happened to you, without all the feelings and emotions. ‘Oh yes, I had forgotten about that! Anyone feel like a pizza?’ 😁


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Gabriel said:


> Just looked - the age of consent in Belgium is 16. Here in the US having sex with a 17 year old is rape. Sorry you are going through this.


Dont forget the girls parents think this is a WONDERFUL situation and couldn’t be prouder all the way around. Pretty sure when you’re parents are pimping you out to the highest level pervert there is no recourse regardless. It’s DISGUSTING.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Mara.May said:


> I’ll be taking classes as soon as this Covid situation in our country let’s me...
> 
> You’re right. I’m lucky I have my dad. And we all should pray that the girl stays a long time. As long as she’s here he’s busy... and let’s us live our life... most of the time.
> 
> ...


Document EVERYTHING and hope that it doesn’t happen. No idea about the laws there but were I a judge, giving up a weekend for your girlfriends 18th birthday and missing your own son’s birthday says a lot about the kind of father he is.

If you do lose more time, can you try to get a clause that he has to give you the first option to have your son before he lets someone else watch him?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I wouldn’t worry too much about court and for him wanting more time.

In the situation I mentioned above, our friend decided he wanted full custody at one stage. So the poor ex wife on top of everything, agreed. It helped his image to fight and fuss that he was the good man and that the ex was a terrible mother. 

He lasted 3 weeks and the daughter went back to her mother. He couldn’t manage working and getting the child off to school plus all the stuff that goes with being a full-time parent. And the new wife was unable to manage either. So that was that. He openly admitted it with no shame, I can’t do this it’s just too much for me. 

The idea that they want to see more of him might be very genuine, see how it goes. We all know that time with kids is more than just fun times, a lot of work goes into kids.

The other thing that was and is clear now, is that he and new wife are trying to say the older child has had her head filled by the mother. We know this to be untrue, as regular witnesses. Sweetheart is not behaving disrespectfully at all, quite the contrary.

Your ex will be living with so much guilt, while he might be much happier with his new lady, let all those feelings be his and really deal with your own. All your anger and heartbreak has a place right now, don’t push it down, but don’t let it be your life story.


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## Mara.May (Oct 24, 2020)

Luckylucky said:


> Above poster mentioned a friend expecting the néw relationship to blow up - that’s a big one!
> ....
> 
> It’s not going to help you to be reassured that it’s going to blow up - that’s the only thing I can tell you to let go of. I can’t imagine how I would feel if my husband left me for someone younger, prettier, smarter etc. I too would be hanging onto a bad ending for his new relationship. But it rarely actually happens. As unfair as it is to so many people! That is one thing you just don’t think about, among all the other things you would be feeling. Because you just don’t know!


You’re right... no one knows if this will work out in the end. And hopefully one day it won’t matter to me anymore.

The difference with those two just is, that she’s not the first young student he’s dating. The ones before me were all between the age of 15-17... while he was 24-26. The current OW thinks she’s won the prize. That he has a lot of money with all his shiny cars, big house and driving schools. 
If they stay together she will most definitely one day find out he’s broke... that his company has debts higher than half a million...the houses belong to the bank and the cars are not payed either.
That’s when we’ll see if it’s really true love. If she’ll stand by his side despite all this.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

He was with a 15 year old when he was 24? WTF. That is sick.


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## Mara.May (Oct 24, 2020)

jsmart said:


> as for the new guy, it sounds like your Luke warm about him. It’s normal because it may have been to soon for you emotionally to date. Don’t let the pain of seeing your stbx with a younger woman make hang on to something that you’re just not into. When you’re mentally ready, the right man will come into your life and knock your socks off and your stbx will just be some guy you used to know. Until that day, work on being the best Mara you can be.


I agree that it was too soon for me and it certainly wasn’t planned. But he was just too interesting to not try it.

“Luke warm about him” is an interesting thought. ☺
I do feel in love with him... it’s just that sometimes I’m so loaded with all of my emotions and sorrow because of the things that happened that it’s like I’m drained. I don’t have anything left to give during those times. 
My boyfriend knows about all of this and is really understanding. He was cheated on by his wife also.

I was used to my ex’s love bombing for years. It’s certainly a different “getting to know”-phase now. 😂


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Mara.May said:


> So it's been awhile since I last posted here... telling the story of my husband cheating and leaving me and our family for a teenage girl.
> DDay was September 2020 and we are on our way to divorce and I can't wait to finally be free of being his wife and carrying his last name.
> He's still with the 17-year-old girl and living THE LIFE. I don't talk to him. Only if it's about our nearly 3-year-old. He picks him up every second weekend and my father hands him over.
> 
> ...


Hi Mara,
I'm sorry you joined the trade-in club. My ex pretty much did the same, but he was 39, she was 19 and we (thankfully ) have no children. I was angry, sad, and asked myself many of the same questions, researched everything looming for an answer. You know what? It doesn't matter, none of it changes what he did or what you must do. 

You're not broken, just a little bruised. Once you're free, some of the weight will dissipate, not all of course, you're bonded forever through your child. My best advice is to get busy, you've already found something you're excited about, keep moving forward. Don't try to push down your feelings when they pop up, and they will at times. Feel the anger, sadness and fear but don't wallow, process it and let it go. 

I'm about 18 months out, and I can truly say it gets easier with time. I'm still sad that my life isn't what I wanted for myself, sometimes I feel rather despondent, but life is what you make it. I met someone I've come to care very much about, even so, I have to mentally pull myself back from negative thoughts and allow things to unfold. 

Mentally, I'm much calmer and peaceful than I was even 6 months ago. I don't hate my ex, but I would be happy never to cross his path again unless he looks like **** of course  Or... I show up as his boss. You have a much harder road, but you seem very capable of rising to any challenge in your path. He doesn't matter, revenge is pointless bc it means you care. He is now just somebody that you used to know, nothing he does that doesn't affect your son matters.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> Hi Mara,
> I'm sorry you joined the trade-in club. My ex pretty much did the same, but he was 39, she was 19 and we (thankfully ) have no children. I was angry, sad, and asked myself many of the same questions, researched everything looming for an answer. You know what? It doesn't matter, none of it changes what he did or what you must do.
> 
> You're not broken, just a little bruised. Once you're free, some of the weight will dissipate, not all of course, you're bonded forever through your child. My best advice is to get busy, you've already found something you're excited about, keep moving forward. Don't try to push down your feelings when they pop up, and they will at times. Feel the anger, sadness and fear but don't wallow, process it and let it go.
> ...


I try to imagine myself with someone half my age... and nope. Just can’t do it. Grody. And for a guy? I have a niece that’s 18... and oh God so.much.giggling. Don’t get it.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Mara.May said:


> I agree that it was too soon for me and it certainly wasn’t planned. But he was just too interesting to not try it.
> 
> “Luke warm about him” is an interesting thought. ☺
> I do feel in love with him... it’s just that sometimes I’m so loaded with all of my emotions and sorrow because of the things that happened that it’s like I’m drained. I don’t have anything left to give during those times.
> ...


Sounds like we're in a similar place. I wasn't ready for a relationship, but my bf was too intriguing to pass up. It's been a different experience getting to know him. It's interesting that men who've traded in for younger models all love bombed their discarded spouses at the beginning. It's a completely different experience having a relationship with a mature man.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

QuietRiot said:


> I try to imagine myself with someone half my age... and nope. Just can’t do it. Grody. And for a guy? I have a niece that’s 18... and oh God so.much.giggling. Don’t get it.


Me either. I'm a terrible judge of ages, some men look way younger/older. I was 40, and my dating range was set at 40 - 50. I was shocked that men lied about their age, I thought only insecure women did that. However, it happened at least 4 or 5 times, 1 was 18. Honestly I wasn't the least bit flattered, it was gross. I went out with a 36 yo once, that was still too young for me.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> Me either. I'm a terrible judge of ages, some men look way younger/older. I was 40, and my dating range was set at 40 - 50. I was shocked that men lied about their age, I thought only insecure women did that. However, it happened at least 4 or 5 times, 1 was 18. Honestly I wasn't the least bit flattered, it was gross. I went out with a 36 yo once, that was still too young for me.


Seriously!?!? An 18 year old? Sick. Perhaps I’ll change my mind after a year or two of being single, but I seriously have ZERO desire to deal with this kind of stuff.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Mara.May said:


> He’s 31... at least that’s what his passport says. 😂
> What I know of the girl does actually confuse me. She’s this “here I am” kinda person. Is singing, playing like a hundred instruments, acting, Instagram wanna-be star, A+ student... I believe her mother is behind this.
> But on the other hand I’ve seen pictures of her where she definitely has scars on the inside of her arms...
> whatever... I know, not my problem, but of course I wanted to know who he replaced me with.


Wow so he REALLY traded down -- an attention ***** who has tremendous self-esteem issues (cutting!)
You are well rid of him -- you now get to do YOU and not worry about him at all.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

I have a good friend whose husband tossed her aside, because as she said, “I guess I had some miles on me.” Well, to the right man, those miles mean something, they’re a story and one worth reading, they mean experience in every form, deep feelings, confidence and self-reliance. Why men push them aside for some 18-year-old, giddy, empty-brained, moron is beyond me.

Someday I’m going to write an essay and post it here called “In praise of older women.”
I’m going to detail the attitudes of older women as I see them, their self-assuredness, their confidence, even a few words on their aged, sensual flesh, the way they walk and their lack of patience for bullsh*t. In every way they are more desirable, more valuable and interesting…

…except to the man who is a boy inside. F*ck him, you’re better off without him.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

What’s hard to believe is that the girl’s parents support their daughter being with a 30 year old married father. What kind of family would want that for their daughter?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> I have a good friend whose husband tossed her aside, because as she said, “I guess I had some miles on me.” Well, to the right man, those miles mean something, they’re a story and one worth reading, they mean experience in every form, deep feelings, confidence and self-reliance. Why men push them aside for some 18-year-old, giddy, empty-brained, moron is beyond me.
> 
> Someday I’m going to write an essay and post it here called “In praise of older women.”
> I’m going to detail the attitudes of older women as I see them, their self-assuredness, their confidence, even a few words on their aged, sensual flesh, the way they walk and their lack of patience for bullsh*t. In every way they are more desirable, more valuable and interesting…
> ...


Whooo boy I can’t wait to read that!!!!


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