# Feeling empty



## Romy01 (Jan 26, 2019)

This is so new to me. Married for 18 years and 2 children 11 and 7 I am a sahm with a masters in business. Left work front to look after kids who were born out of medical intervention. Within the first 2 months of marriage i found my hubby had sexual relations with his first cousin which for me was incest. I freaked out and forbade him to contact her.since we lived on another continent it was easy. But yesterday she visited another cousin and we had to meet her in the presence of other extended family members. My hubby totally ignored me and was following her like a puppy. This after 18 years.i am devastated and depressed. I am crying and feeling I have just wasted 18 years of my life. It's no use talking to him. He would just refuse to accept it. I was the one who asked him to visit her as I didn't want other family members wagging their tongue on why we missed meeting her after so many years.
I am an only child and don't have anyone to talk to and I do not want to go to counsellor.
Am I being paranoid?


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

what were the circumstances of their sexual relationship? 

Where they full grown adults that had an affair after he/they were married or were they stupid kids with poor boundaries that felt each other up to see what the opposite sex felt like?

Was it a consensual activity between both partys or was he an 18 year old molesting his 11 year old cousin?


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Like oldshirt says .... this could go a lot of ways. Not enough info.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Romy01 Where are you living? Can you see a lawyer for legal advice?

Which continents are involved?

Does his family know he is an incestual cheater?


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Why don't you want to go to a counselor? We are not professionals and only have our own real life experiences and opinions to offer.

How old are your children now? Depending on the country you are in, how does the law treat women in the case of divorce. That is why you need to speak to a lawyer.

And you should tell his family and yours about the incest. Especially if he is still following her around like a puppy.


----------



## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

I am curious -- when he did have sex with her, was he cheating on you (or someone else)?

To me, that is incest too and it would really bother me. But it is not incest in all cultures or to all people. What would bother me much more would be the way he just behaved around her in this current time. Especially since he knows this is a very touchy subject to you. Even if she wasn't his cousin, and was just a woman he'd had sex with, to ignore you and be all giddy to see her would be really upsetting. Especially since he had to know you'd be watching and worrying. But the reality is it could be nothing more than he was excited to see someone he hadn't seen in many years and he ignored you because he see's you every day. Very thoughtless on his part but possibly that simple. 

What have the 18 years of marriage been like ASIDE from the cousin issue? If they have been good and you felt loved and cherished by him, I don't think one day of stupid behavior with someone he won't have access to shortly would not mean your marriage is a waste. Just that he acted thoughtlessly. But if you've had a bad feeling that you're not really #1 in his heart all these years, that's a whole different story.

Did you talk to him about this after the fact? If so, what did he say?



Romy01 said:


> This is so new to me. Married for 18 years and 2 children 11 and 7 I am a sahm with a masters in business. Left work front to look after kids who were born out of medical intervention. Within the first 2 months of marriage i found my hubby had sexual relations with his first cousin which for me was incest. I freaked out and forbade him to contact her.since we lived on another continent it was easy. But yesterday she visited another cousin and we had to meet her in the presence of other extended family members. My hubby totally ignored me and was following her like a puppy. This after 18 years.i am devastated and depressed. I am crying and feeling I have just wasted 18 years of my life. It's no use talking to him. He would just refuse to accept it. I was the one who asked him to visit her as I didn't want other family members wagging their tongue on why we missed meeting her after so many years.
> I am an only child and don't have anyone to talk to and I do not want to go to counsellor.
> Am I being paranoid?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cant quite work out if he cheated on you or if this was before you met? Also how old were they?


----------

