# 21 year old been married for 2 years- needs male friends.



## bdancer24 (Mar 23, 2010)

Hey,

I'm new around here and I am just here to make some new friends....both male & female actually. I have been married for 2 years now and I am only 21, I know I got married young- but my husband is 28..so I thought that kind of made up for my age...but over time it seems like he is just becoming more and more controlling and more like a father than anything. I met him when I was 17 and I know I was very very young then- I used to be so insecure about EVERYTHING, my body, other women...everything- but most of it was about my body & myself. I moved across the world to be with my man- he was my first boyfriend (my first everything) and I love him so much and he is all I have ever known...but all these years down the track I feel like I have lost him because of my insecurities. Since I do not live in my home country it has taken me a while to mature- I can never get a good job for long enough before we are moving again for his job...I only just got my drivers license (and Im 21) this should have happened years ago but I havent had the chance..I still dont have a car- I feel like I am my husbands dependant- like his child..not his wife. 
He also has a lot of private conversations going on on the computer all the time- he has always been into computers and the internet (we met on the internet even!) but lately he has made a lot more female friends in his forums and facebook(he has become obsessed with facebook lately..and before he wouldnt even get it coz he said it was dumb) so now I feel kind of sick about all that- and I give him hell about it sometimes...
He tells me I just need to get my own life- make my own friends etc etc..he says I need male friends...I guess so I can understand that friendships between a male and a female can be innocent? at the moment I dont feel like thats the case- I feel like he is doing things behind my back with his female friends..he even spoke to a woman he went to high school with on the phone (while I was away) this seemed weird to me...
but anyway..maybe its just me being insecure- but I have always believed in "gut instincts" and when I got home from being away for 3 weeks I had this feeling like he had smoked cigarettes- why..I dont know..I just had a feeling..even though he hadnt been smoking for like 6 yrs..I decided to look in the trash when I got home and there were 2 empty packets in there and a whole heap of ash..and it turned out they were his- he said I was making a big deal out of nothing- but the fact that I felt he had lied to me just made me feel sick about EVERYTHING..Please help.am I crazy?

I just need some friends..

sorry if this was long & boring...


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## VeryShyGirl (Feb 18, 2010)

I guess I have a hard time believing that any husband would tell his wife to go out and get male friends if he has any wishes of keeping her. Most guys would fear that their wife would fall for one of the guy friends.

As for your husband having a bunch of female friends: I think that opposite sex friends are great BUT ONLY when both people in the marriage trust each other and aren't worrying about the other's love and faithfulness. Sounds like you don't really trust him and that his actions are hurting you... Maybe he is wanting you to find guy friends to make himself feel better about what HE is doing with other women.

My advice would be to stand up for yourself and not let him walk all over you. Trust your gut. You said he treats you like a child? Do you stand up to him, try to act mature about things, etc.


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## bdancer24 (Mar 23, 2010)

Thank you for your reply...

I don't know if he DOES actually want to keep me..maybe he doesnt think any guys would like me so thats why he tells me to try and make friends with them...but I really am not sure if he even wants me around because when we fight he tells me he Doesnt care if i leave- he doesnt care at all coz he is so sick of my insecurities- it hurts being the one that is insecure because he feels like he is the king of the castle right now! 
I dont know...ive been talking to a few people about all this and they all tell me that there is more to it and he is probably talking to a lot more women than I know of- why do men have to do this


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If I were you, right now I'd not worry about what he is doing; I'd concentrate on myself. Find yourself a good therapist and start going regularly. She will help you develop your sense of self so that you can deal with your insecurities, and mature in a healthy way. That way, no matter what he is doing, you will be a happy, capable person.


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## SweetiepieMI (Jan 22, 2010)

Good advice tunera- I can understand what you are going through to an extent. I am almost 22- my hubs is almost 27 n we've been together for about 6 yrs. I too went through the struggle of insecurities about myself- and the way i looked. I would definitely suggest seeing a counselor (i did for a couple months) 
It helped ALOT! I was able to realize that i was throught prejecting (making up senerios in my head of horrible ideas when nothing even happend)- Anyways, you just have to focus on you.
As for him talking to other women online- idk if id be okay with that at all if my hubs was secretive about it. We both have friends of the opposite sex, but we hold true to the idea of honesty and being open to one another. 

If you ever want someone to talk to- im here


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