# Help me with this communication issue



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

This is hard to explain but I am going to do the best I can…

First off… I am a smart and practical person. But I am emotional, and I am emotionally driven. My boyfriend and I are both moderate, more fiscally conservative socially liberal. But We vote for opposite political parties. 

So anyway…. When I’m feeling passionate or emotional about something… I want to be able to talk to him and get support from him. I’m not saying he has to agree with everything I’m saying, but he often just wants to rebuttal and go on a tangent about something that is 1. Probably true, but 2. Not here or there, and it’s just negative and brings me down. 

And the problem is… I sometimes regret telling him, because I didn’t get what I wanted, which was feeling supported. And instead I feel like I have to defend my position, and it just becomes this big thing when it shouldn’t be. And the other bad thing is, he feels like he can’t say what he wants to and has to walk on eggshells. 

So here was a recent example. I think that in my area, people will be voting republican. And I was saying how I feel really bad for those people who are struggling with the economy (bc a lot of people are). and I understand how they will vote for what they think will help their $$. But, I feel bad because it will hurt women, with all this anti choice policies becoming more strict. And I was saying that most people aren’t anti-women, and anti-gays, anti-transgender etc but they will vote republican because of economic issues. I genuinely feel bad for both sides or people, those struggling financially, and those who feel like their rights are being taken away from. And overall the situation just sucks. 
Upon saying this… my boyfriend goes on a tangent about how it’s the democrats problem, and Biden did this and Biden did that. And I was just like babe, I don’t care what happened in the past, here we are and it’s just really unfortunate. Then he was going on another negative tangent and I just stopped him. And I didn’t want to hear it and I told him that. I reinforced the fact that it’s just a really unfortunate situation both everyone involved. And he got super upset that I “silenced” him, but he was just going down the rabbit hole bashing my political party and that’s the last thing I want to hear, but also I don’t want to play the blame game because that can go on forever and it’s dumb. 

Anyway, he got really mad and was starting to argue with me about what I did. Then he was like can I finish what I was going to say? And he basically said that the democrats got it right with the personal freedoms, and the republicans got it right with economic policies,. (Which was literally what I originally said). 

So I was annoyed bc I knew he agreed with me on my original statement. But instead of agreeing and supporting me right away; he first had to be super negative, accusatory, and blame everything on my political party which obviously pisses me off. So I told him he should of skipped that whole thing and went straight to supporting me and agreeing with me, bc he does. 

So here we are. I feel unsupported by him. And he feels like he can’t give his opinion freely.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> So here was a recent example. I think that in my area, people will be voting republican. And I was saying how I feel really bad for those people who are struggling with the economy (bc a lot of people are). and I understand how they will vote for what they think will help their $$. But, I feel bad because it will hurt women, with all this anti choice policies becoming more strict. And I was saying that most people aren’t anti-women, and anti-gays, anti-transgender etc but they will vote republican because of economic issues. I genuinely feel bad for both sides or people, those struggling financially, and those who feel like their rights are being taken away from. And overall the situation just sucks.


In your example, you cover a lot of ground and across many hot-button topics. Several topics in your example are controversial and people passionately take sides ready to fight to the bitter end over it. Even when I was reading it, I started thinking “yea, no kidding” and it evolved to “well, hold on” and “wait, there’s more to that”. You get the point.

I suggest 2 things.

1. Keep your topic focused on one thing at a time. Wait for feedback/support/comments on each topic area before expanding and going on to the next.

2. Make sure what you are asking _for_ is clear, and repeated. You just wanted to “vent” and have him support your emotional issues with the current state of things. So say that. Guys are fixers, and his response to fixing this was to get Democrats out.

Good luck!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

The other approach you might take is to avoid the political hot buttons altogether.

If you’re really sad for people right now just say that.

“I feel really bad for people that are struggling financially, and I’m concerned about people that will be affected by the social issues. I hope we can all find a way to get along even if we don’t agree on everything”.

I’m putting words in your mouth there but I hope it’s not off base. So avoid those 3rd rails. Focus on the real thing…people struggling.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Once things calmed down we talked about it. But it’s something that does occasionally happen. 

What frustrating is that he agrees with me. And instead of taking it as an opportunity to comfort/support me, he takes an opportunity to bash my political party. But in his mind, he’s just having a discussion that he feels he should be able to have without me getting upset. Which I understand to a certain degree, but it is hurtful to me. 
The truth is, when I’m feeling emotional, I don’t want to hear the other side.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Sounds familiar. My wife is from a super liberal area and I am from an extremely conservative one.

I recognized her hot button issues early and learned to avoid them. She has always largely been fiscally conservative and over time she has come around gradually to my way of thinking (libertarian) in terms of the role of government. 

Like your BF I like debate and I’m good at it. I can destroy her in a debate on nearly any political topic because she knows almost nothing about any of the issues whereas I study them for fun. So any endeavor like this she just gets mad. So I don’t engage.

Support for something you don’t believe in is hard to come by.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You vote for different parties. Either don’t discuss politics or find someone who votes the way you do because the two of you are looking at this from the perspective of your party and you are not likely to agree. Not in this cut-throat era. I live in a mixed political family. I’m the only moderate. The others are either far-left or far-right. We don’t discuss politics because they can’t remain civil. Too invested. My mother always said don’t discuss politics or religion unless you want to start a huge disagreement. She wasn’t wrong.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> Sounds familiar. My wife is from a super liberal area and I am from an extremely conservative one.
> 
> I recognized her hot button issues early and learned to avoid them. She has always largely been fiscally conservative and over time she has come around gradually to my way of thinking (libertarian) in terms of the role of government.
> 
> ...


I know this is the wrong thing to say, but I wish he would just support me, and be there for me, and leave his opinions out of it. Because when he rebuttals me, it upsets me. And I don’t want to get to the point where I can’t talk to him about my feelings. That’s the danger in this… when I seek support elsewhere. 

It’s very normal and natural for me to have my friends back and support them especially when they are emotional… even if I don’t agree with them. Because that’s what they are looking for. Not advice, not what my personal opinions are. They want validation and support. It creates emotional bonds.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Openminded said:


> You vote for different parties. Either don’t discuss politics or find someone who votes the way you do because the two of you are looking at this from the perspective of your party and you are not likely to agree. Not in this cut-throat era. I live in a mixed political family. I’m the only moderate. The others are either far-left or far-right. We don’t discuss politics because they can’t remain civil. Too invested. My mother always said don’t discuss politics or religion unless you want to start a huge disagreement. She wasn’t wrong.


I get what your saying but we actually do agree on most things. 

We are both fiscally conservative. We both believe in abortion, and gay marriage, and civil freedoms. We both would love a party that has democratic social policies, with republican economic policies. But we both have to choose one side that we only half agree with.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I know this is the wrong thing to say, but I wish he would just support me, and be there for me, and leave his opinions out of it. Because when he rebuttals me, it upsets me. And I don’t want to get to the point where I can’t talk to him about my feelings. That’s the danger in this… when I seek support elsewhere.
> 
> It’s very normal and natural for me to have my friends back and support them especially when they are emotional… even if I don’t agree with them. Because that’s what they are looking for. Not advice, not what my personal opinions are. They want validation and support. It creates emotional bonds.


Yeah I get it. I think men are generally lousy at this.

When women bring us something our instinct is to identify the problem and then fix it.

So if you come and you say, “I think women’s rights are being eroded if these folks are elected.” The solution is to have electable people who represent your values. So the man’s mind turns to that.

I don’t have the solution to this other than shut up and listen (for the guy).


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Then your girl friends are the ones you need to be venting to about politics — not your boy friend. Men are rarely emotional about these things so you’re not likely to get what you’re looking for from him. Not about this anyway.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> Yeah I get it. I think men are generally lousy at this.
> 
> When women bring us something our instinct is to identify the problem and then fix it.
> 
> ...


Yea… too bad he’s not on here getting that advice because it won’t be well received by me. 
Thanks for your help.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> Yea… too bad he’s not on here getting that advice because it won’t be well received by me.
> Thanks for your help.


We learn it from a young age and it’s a good behavior in general but I think you also need to learn when to back off and shut up (which takes a lifetime) haha.

My wife was helping me build something last weekend and we had two hex bolts to tighten. I’m like, lemme get a ratchet. Her: it’s just two bolts. Me: ratchet is the tool for tightening bolts quickly. Her: angry. So I got the ratchet. Turns out hey there were two more bolts later on and they were even more annoying to reach with a wrench. She says, “you were right”. Me, remember what my dad told me 1000 times as a boy, “Even a monkey would get the right tool for the job”. Trained to solve a problem over hundreds of trials of failing and my dad yelling at me, I now have all the right tools for everything and I use them immediately.

This kind of programming goes really deep and it’s hard to untangle.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> I know this is the wrong thing to say, but I wish he would just support me, and be there for me, and leave his opinions out of it. Because when he rebuttals me, it upsets me. And I don’t want to get to the point where I can’t talk to him about my feelings. That’s the danger in this… when I seek support elsewhere.
> 
> It’s very normal and natural for me to have my friends back and support them especially when they are emotional… even if I don’t agree with them. Because that’s what they are looking for. Not advice, not what my personal opinions are. They want validation and support. It creates emotional bonds.


Stop looking for support in something as fundamental as politics from someone who disagrees with you or find a liberal boyfriend. I would posit that he thinks if he supports you than that means he's not being true to his beliefs, and I'm also curious if you are using the "support me" thing as a cudgel to get him to agree (or at least not debate) you.

You operate off of emotions and he is a pragmatist that's not something that will likely change in either of you
One other option is to educate yourself on the issues you get emotional about and actually research them from non-biased sources and approach them logically, but you're likely not wired like that just as he's likely not wired to throw logic aside and act only on emotion.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Stop looking for support in something as fundamental as politics from someone who disagrees with you or find a liberal boyfriend. I would posit that he thinks if he supports you than that means he's not being true to his beliefs, and I'm also curious if you are using the "support me" thing as a cudgel to get him to agree (or at least not debate) you.
> 
> You operate off of emotions and he is a pragmatist that's not something that will likely change in either of you
> One other option is to educate yourself on the issues you get emotional about and actually research them from non-biased sources and approach them logically, but you're likely not wired like that just as he's likely not wired to throw logic aside and act only on emotion.


Did you read my post at all? He literally agreed 100% with what I said.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Even when you tell the story, it does seem like you don’t want to let him share his view. But you want to share yours.


Either you two need to agree not to discuss, or you both need to be able to talk.

I understand you wanted to feel supported but you can’t expect that he won’t hear you talking politics and wish to share his view.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> Even when you tell the story, it does seem like you don’t want to let him share his view. But you want to share yours.
> 
> 
> Either you two need to agree not to discuss, or you both need to be able to talk.
> ...


I don't disagree in principle, but sometimes we need to read the situation and know when to just listen and at least try to pretend to empathize. Most men have this ability to varying degrees, the frequency of how often he has to do this is where you run into compatibility problems.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Girl_power ,

When two people are in a relationship, they are going to disagree...and the most common things to disagree about are religion and politics. My Beloved Buddhist and I don't agree on religion (he's Buddhist/I'm Christian) but we have agreed to respect one another and not try to force the other to "see it our way" or agree with us. In addition, we are both politically conservative, but he is much more socially, sympathetically conservative, and I'm a more hard-core, libertarian Constitutionalist conservative. Even we disagree on religion and politics!!

The trick to communicating is that you are equivocating "support" with "being FOR you" and in real life it's not a "for you" or "against you" scenario. It's an "I disagree with you" scenario. So if he does disagree with you...that is not the same as being "against you." That's the key. Disagreement just means "his view is not the same." 

Now, I realize that sometimes when you speak with someone, you want to state what you think and/or feel, and have them say "Oh, so what you're saying is XYZ". Other times you want to state your beliefs and ask them what are their beliefs so you can share. Key #2 is to distinguish out loud before you begin whether you want to state your thought or feeling ... or whether you want to share beliefs. That way, he will know if he's supposed to listen/validate or if he's supposed to share back.

Next, as often as you would like to state your thoughts or feelings and have them validated...he would ALSO like to state his thoughts or feelings and have his validated. So Key #3 is to demonstrate to him that you care about HIS thoughts and feelings equally as much as you wish he cared about your thoughts and feelings. As a male of the species, he may not be as emotionally-driven as you are, but he wants to feel heard and understood too--I mean just look at what he's said! "...he feels like he can’t say what he wants to and has to walk on eggshells." You LOVE this man. You care about him and his heart. Is that how you want him to feel? 

Finally, let's look at your example:
_"So here was a recent example. I think that in my area, people will be voting republican. And I was saying how I feel really bad for those people who are struggling with the economy (bc a lot of people are). and I understand how they will vote for what they think will help their $$. But, I feel bad because it will hurt women, with all this anti choice policies becoming more strict. And I was saying that most people aren’t anti-women, and anti-gays, anti-transgender etc but they will vote republican because of economic issues. I genuinely feel bad for both sides or people, those struggling financially, and those who feel like their rights are being taken away from. And overall the situation just sucks."_

Respectfully, I personally very much so disagree with your statement about that voting republican will hurt women...nor do I think most people will vote republican only because of economic issues. In fact, I pretty VEHEMENTLY disagree with your statement. I personally believe that women's, gays', and trans' choices are better reserved for each individual state to decide, because the governed are more closely involved with their state representation. It's NOT a federal thing, at all. I also believe that women's, gays', and trans' rights all relate to ADULTS and do not have anything to do with children at all--that as adults we have a responsibility to protect children and teach them...and then let them choose and be responsible for their choice when they become ADULTS. I also believe that personal freedoms are not "granted" by a government, but rather as the founders phrased it, they are God-given. Thus people are entirely free to speak, and choose and do things that I extremely disagree with, and the only time that freedom is compromised is with the consent of the governed. I told you I was pretty hard-core conservative! LOL

Now I can look at you and with some compassion in my heart for you as a fellow human being and say "@Girl_power you are free to have your opinions, but I do not agree." And believe me, I'm not against you! I just do not think like you do. So if I voice that...am I not being supportive? See, it's like a two edged sword: either I have to agree with you OR I'm being "unsupportive." I can be supportive to you as a person if I know that you are just wanting to state to me how you feel or what you believe. I can do that. But if I honestly and truly disagree with you, how can I "support" what you just said? 

So when you want validation, just say right out loud what you are requesting. "I read an article today that got me thinking, and I'd like to share my thoughts with you without a political disagreement. So could you please listen and then indicate if you heard and understood what I said?" ... Or like I often do with my Beloved Buddhist, "Can I just vent to you about what I read in the paper today?" -- then I vent for a bit about some stupid economic policy -- then he laughs at me and I laugh because he's laughing.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> This is hard to explain but I am going to do the best I can…
> 
> First off… I am a smart and practical person. But I am emotional, and I am emotionally driven. My boyfriend and I are both moderate, more fiscally conservative socially liberal. But We vote for opposite political parties.
> 
> ...


It's rarely fun to talk politics with someone in person. You don't want the same thing from it. He probably wants to rant and wants you to think he's smart about the subject, while you just want to be validated and agreed with.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

This sounds like my relationship. My wife just doesnt get it. I feel like she almost always disagrees with me on everything - she says she is just having a conversation. She is a very nice person and does a lot for me, I don't think she does it on purpose - no one is perfect. It annoys me, but isn't a dealbreaker as there are so many other great things she brings to the table.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

As has been said, avoid the subject of politics. It just seems that you want him to agree with you but you don't agree with him or let him have his own opinions. 
So stay clear of subjects that you know will cause problems.


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## Timothy Love (3 mo ago)

In fact, I think you can try not to discuss the topic of politics because it will inevitably lead to arguments and neither side will back down, and I can sense that your positions are completely different.
If you really want to express your views on political parties, you can find people who share your views.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> As has been said, avoid the subject of politics. It just seems that you want him to agree with you but you don't agree with him or let him have his own opinions.
> So stay clear of subjects that you know will cause problems.


My advice is different. Some time when you're both in a good state, talk about _how you talk_, and what happens when it doesn't go well. During that conversation, don't talk about current politics. Talk about the process between the two of you. This is _exactly_ what I'd be doing with you in therapy. Stay away from "_but I'm right"_ and work with "_here's how we get off track"._


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Timothy Love said:


> I can sense that your positions are completely different.


Probably not, but differences get exaggerated in debate.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Laurentium said:


> My advice is different. Some time when you're both in a good state, talk about _how you talk_, and what happens when it doesn't go well. During that conversation, don't talk about current politics. Talk about the process between the two of you. This is _exactly_ what I'd be doing with you in therapy. Stay away from "_but I'm right"_ and work with "_here's how we get off track"._


Its works with family members I have. We avoid certain topics and all is well.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

When given the choice between talking about politics or religion I find it easier to just stick a fork in my eye. It ends better that way.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Politics currently in the U.S. is an extremely divisive subject. Considerably worse than I can ever remember it being and I’ve seen a lot over my long life. If you belong to different parties, like my family does, just don’t bring it up. If you can’t resist then talk about politics with those who can listen but not attack. Right now, I don’t know any who can do that and who knows if that will ever return. It’s a much different world now.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

These mid-terms and related social issues are sparking a lot of family feuds. The next general will be even worse.
But if you walk down Main Street you can greet your neighbors and no one wants to punch you.
Divided families, divided loyalties, more division.
Sounds like the road to destruction in spite of Main Street.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> As has been said, avoid the subject of politics. It just seems that you want him to agree with you but you don't agree with him or let him have his own opinions.
> So stay clear of subjects that you know will cause problems.


This. You label him not having the same opinion you do as "not supporting you" and that's all kinds of very unhealthy and unfair to him.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Knowing that you both have opposite viewpoints I would not bring up the topic of politics.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Did you read my post at all? He literally agreed 100% with what I said.


Yep, I see it in your second post but your example does not support that by a long stretch.
I stand by my post. I think your response above may be indicative of your communication skills with your BF, probably why he feels he has to walk on eggshells. So what are some of the other disagreements you two have and who takes which side?
How old are each of you?


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

As a guy, I’ll add that it feels like a “no win” situation in that was does “supporting” mean? Validating? Agreeing? Not disagreeing? Allow you to vent? One-way conversation?

What is it you’re expecting? If he said “Yeah, I can see how no matter what, it feels like picking between cable TV options, enough plus and minuses on both sides that you you’re gonna be frustrated no matter what” and left it at that. Would that work or would you be frustrated the conversation just ended?

I know my wife wants to have “conversations” but when I start analyzing and figuring how it would work she gets frustrated if it appears I’m offering “have you considered” she takes it as a criticism. So what are you expecting in a conversation? Sounds like going to an office meeting to have on with no discernible agenda than to talk.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I did hear a decent tip on this which is for the guy to ask, “Do you want me to try to fix it or just listen?” Yes, it’s ham fisted, however, it does solve the problem of the woman just wants to express something without it being criticized or problem solved.

I generally can read my wife pretty well so I tend to not use it but I think it is a good tool for your arsenal if you can’t tell. For my wife, politics and issues with her family she never wants “fix it”.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> I did hear a decent tip on this which is for the guy to ask, “Do you want me to try to fix it or just listen?” Yes, it’s ham fisted, however, it does solve the problem of the woman just wants to express something without it being criticized or problem solved.
> 
> I generally can read my wife pretty well so I tend to not use it but I think it is a good tool for your arsenal if you can’t tell. For my wife, politics and issues with her family she never wants “fix it”.


I still get the signals wrong sometimes and try to fix something I should have just listened to.
She fronws at me when I do that. That's my feedback signal to desist 🤣


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> As has been said, avoid the subject of politics. It just seems that you want him to agree with you but you don't agree with him or let him have his own opinions.
> So stay clear of subjects that you know will cause problems.


He has his own opinions and he’s allowed his own opinions. And when he is annoyed about something, I give him the floor to vent. I don’t rebuttal him. He knows what I believe in and I don’t have to remind him everytime he says something I don’t believe in. 
That’s all I’m asking for.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Livvie said:


> This. You label him not having the same opinion you do as "not supporting you" and that's all kinds of very unhealthy and unfair to him.


I wasn’t asking for his opinion. I already know what his opinion is, and he knows what mine is. 
I was just commenting on how this election is stressful and people will suffer regardless of who is elected, and that in itself sucks.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Yep, I see it in your second post but your example does not support that by a long stretch.
> I stand by my post. I think your response above may be indicative of your communication skills with your BF, probably why he feels he has to walk on eggshells. So what are some of the other disagreements you two have and who takes which side?
> How old are each of you?


There’s a time and a place to share your opinion. We both know what each other’s opinions are. So we don’t have to share them everytime the other person says what they believe in. That’s exhausted. 

I’m Christian. Everytime I bring something up about God or the Bible, he doesn’t have to then go on a tangent about how this is what HE believes in and then talk to me about Evolution and how there is no God. That’s exhausting. (He doesn’t do this btw I’m just making a point). But, I know he doesn’t believe in God. But just because I said something about me going to church, doesn’t mean he has to remind me about evolution. Just let me say that I’m going to church and say ok cool. That’s it. It doesn’t have to be a constant reminder Of what he believes in. 

We don’t normally fight about politics. We can discuss it and hear each other’s opinions. 

There are certain topics I get emotional about. For the record, I’m in healthcare. My job is to give anesthesia to kids while they have surgery. So I see a lot of sad things. So sometimes when I am sad about something, I want to focus on that specific thing. He sometimes uses that to make a political point, which I think is ****ty and that bothers me.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

aaarghdub said:


> As a guy, I’ll add that it feels like a “no win” situation in that was does “supporting” mean? Validating? Agreeing? Not disagreeing? Allow you to vent? One-way conversation?
> 
> What is it you’re expecting? If he said “Yeah, I can see how no matter what, it feels like picking between cable TV options, enough plus and minuses on both sides that you you’re gonna be frustrated no matter what” and left it at that. Would that work or would you be frustrated the conversation just ended?
> 
> ...


What you said about the tv would be perfectttt. Like just acknowledge that it’s a tough situation and there is no perfect answer. The end. I would be happy with that.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> I was just commenting on how this election is stressful and people will suffer regardless of who is elected, and that in itself sucks.


If you had kept your comments framed like this ^^^ then I suspect you would have gotten the support you wanted.

Elaborating and bringing in the hot topics invokes a response, as you noted.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> My job is to give anesthesia to kids while they have surgery. So I see a lot of sad things.


Ah man… it’s great you do that but I get what you’re saying. When I was in college I did an internship at the hospital and I got to see kids come into imaging who had been in accidents and were brain dead and such. I didn’t choose to pursue that career.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I don’t think you want an echo chamber, so I’d be careful to not let him be heard. You say you both agree on the issues, but you don’t want him to get into a discussion further about the topic. He’s his own person just like you are and he may be challenging your views, not seeking to dismiss you or not “validate” you.


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## Vorpal (Feb 23, 2020)

Sounds like you want a yes boy simp.

But he’s not and you back him into a corner, hit him with loaded questions or comments where you know he has contrary views.

In his place I’d simply say, “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> I know this is the wrong thing to say, but I wish he would just support me, and be there for me, and leave his opinions out of it. Because when he rebuttals me, it upsets me. And I don’t want to get to the point where I can’t talk to him about my feelings. That’s the danger in this… when I seek support elsewhere.
> 
> It’s very normal and natural for me to have my friends back and support them especially when they are emotional… even if I don’t agree with them. Because that’s what they are looking for. Not advice, not what my personal opinions are. They want validation and support. It creates emotional bonds.


So likewise, are you ready to support him when he goes off on the Dems about something?

My mom used to be Dem and dad was conservative. Mom and her Feminazi era self was all about women's interest. Her argument for RvW was the baby could grow up to be abused. O. K so go ahead and kill the baby....makes sense mom. 

That is like saying, kill all female baby's because there is possibility they might be raped in their lifetime and we don't want them to go through that.

Only took her 60 yrs to change her political beliefs to conservative.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Girl_power said:


> Once things calmed down we talked about it. But it’s something that does occasionally happen.
> 
> What frustrating is that he agrees with me. And instead of taking it as an opportunity to comfort/support me, he takes an opportunity to bash my political party. But in his mind, he’s just having a discussion that he feels he should be able to have without me getting upset. Which I understand to a certain degree, but it is hurtful to me.
> The truth is, when I’m feeling emotional, I don’t want to hear the other side.


I am English and had always been and voted Conservative, yet I`m not and never have been serious about politics.
People would ask me during election times, which party will I be voting for? And I`d reply, Conservative (Tory) and they may say, Labour or Liberal. That was it, end of story.
But over the years it`s evolved into aggressive politics, I know friends and family members who have fallen out over party politics.
If you get too emotional and hurt when anyone gives a political opinion that you don`t agree with, than you have a problem and perhaps should go for some therapy.
If you know your boyfriend may have different views from yourself, your best option is to not bring up the subject at all.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I love my grown son dearly but he's big on climate change and alternate methods of energy and electric cars and he's WAY more passionate about it than the average person. He's extremely intelligent and graduated from MIT with his Engineering Masters, so when he talks to me about climate change, it's like talking to Sheldon on Big Bang Theory. 🤣 I don't understand most of what he's talking about. I'm just glad he's not one of those nuts who glues their hand to the counter at Starbucks to protest whatever it is those fools were protesting.

Anyway, I'm a Conservative and my son obviously is not, so our *#1 rule* is NOT to discuss politics. At all. We've tried it a few times and it's an exercise in futility because we're polar opposites in virtually every single political aspect. I actually do respect his climate change views and do believe we need to make a change, but that's where it ends - all the other stuff we don't discuss. Keeping our relationship healthy and positive is more important to both of us than fighting over our beliefs. I honestly would never want to lose anyone I love over a political argument, and I know a few people who have actually had that happen and they regret it so much, now. So we avoid any talk of politics like the plague.

You're likely never going to be on the same wavelength with him OP, and that's ok. Just agree to disagree and don't discuss it. That's what's works for my son and me and it's worked for a long time, now. 😀


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

The odd thing in this case is they do actually agree. He’s just in “fix it” mode rather than “listen and shut up” mode.


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