# I am desperate for your advices



## miserable09 (May 23, 2009)

My marriage is a complete mess right now. I've been married for 5 years and we had two children (3 and 5). My husband is very intolerant, selfish and a control freek. Since we've been married, he treated me like crap. I need his permission to do whatever I want. For any reasons, he will get very mad, screeming, verbally abusif. I am a nursing student and I am not working; he is the one with the money. He usually told me that without him, I am nothing. Actually, he was supposed to help me pay my summer classes, but he is talking now about divorce because he knows I will not be able to pay for my classes so i will have to drop out without his help. I have only 3 months left to have my nursing degree. He told me few days ago that he is the one with the money, he deserves respect and he hates when I am talking back. The bad things are: I don't have any close family in the US, I am not working so I completely depend on him, I don't want him to take my kids away from me and I can't pay for a lawyer, I am very desperate and very concern about my and my kids future.
Please help me!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Do you best to stick it out for the 3 months you have left. That will better your choices. I know it will be difficult, but try your hardest. Hang in there...there are a lot of people here that will support your choice.


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## miserable09 (May 23, 2009)

I need to for the sake of my kids but I really don't know how 

Thanks


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## Claire (May 1, 2009)

hon...you can do it... just dig down deep, make the decision, bite your tongue, get that degree and then go... Three months is not that long...this is for YOU and your KIDS.

I know it seems awful, throw yourself into your studies, make great grades and then free yourself to a fantastic satisying job that will allow you to start fresh. Going now will make things harder for longer than three months. .... You can do it. Try to keep the peace with him best you can even if it means holding your tongue..


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## miserable09 (May 23, 2009)

That's exactly what I intend to do but he is the one talking about divorce. He does not want me to finish because he knows I will leave him once I am done. Remember is a control freek so, he will do whatever it takes in order for me not to have that degree.


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## Claire (May 1, 2009)

Since you are only three months away.. do you have any advisors/teachers at the school you trust that you could explain the scenario to a degree and see about some sort of financial help through the school?.. Just to have a backup plan in the event he does pull the plug? I would suggest you start looking into that quietly, and then just try to keep the peace and hope it doesnt' come to that.

Good luck!


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## miserable09 (May 23, 2009)

I will try to talk to an advisor at school and see what they can do for me.

Thanks a lot.


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## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

I say finish your program, education and knowledge is something that no one can take away from you. at the least know once you are done, you have a career that could support your children.


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## Baobab (Jun 5, 2009)

Don't let anyone cheat you of 3 months education that will mean your career. There is always a way to cross the finish line and you will. As Clare says, you have mentors and tutors. They would be gutted to have supported you so far to lose you from the profession now. Use them. Despite some horrible people on the way, you will be surprised how many others have had difficulties, needing a 'helping hand'.


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

Play nice with him, finish the course! Get a plan. My mum was married before she met my dad to somone who sounds like your husband. She told me she got an extra job in her lunch break and saved that money in a secret bank account and as soon as she had enough money she literally ran away!

He'd been having an affair and in the end he was begging her to come back but she decided that there was more to life. 5 weeks later she met my dad and they ran away together and 35 years later, here we are. I'm 31 and my sister is 35. That's right, it was steamy and mum got pregnant straight away. 

What I am saying is if you are with a scarry controling man, save csh in secret so you can organise an exit plan. Maybe the kids can stay with your mum while you set up the new place and I'm sure your mentors can help you get a job. I also read that your choices are an example to your children. Be strong. Get a plan. Be safe.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Wow...encouraging someone in an abusive and controlling relationship to "stick it out for three more months." I'm flabbergasted...

There are programs at most schools that will help her finish the nursing degree...as well as grants and loans...don't think there is any reason to "stick it out" and take more abuse...

Get things right at the school to make sure you will be able to finish...find a way to get out of this mess of a marriage and go.

Preacher


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## Baobab (Jun 5, 2009)

I'm with Preacher on this one


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## div2wice (Sep 18, 2008)

First off, he is wrong. Yes he deserves respect but everyone does, including you. He is not allowed to control you and emotionally abuse you because he makes money.
Obviously he allowed you to go to nursing school because you wanted to better yourself. He cannot condemn you for doing something he agreed to.
I would not stay there for 3 months, it will only get worse, trust me. Many schools allow a leave of absence, I would check into that. 
Its very rare for a husband to get full custody of the kids away from the mother. This only happens if she mother has been deemed unfit. What you need to do is try to get some "proof" of his actions, this will show the judge how bad he is and will only strengthen your custody case.

Pamela
Free Divorce Booklet


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

I agree with everyone else. GET YOUR DEGREE!! So that you can support yourself and your kids. And since he is being such an azz to you, force him to pay for it. Enroll for your classes, and have them send the bill to him or the home address. You can make payment arrangements for them. Hopefully, by the time he figures it out you will already be in school. If he doesnt pay then you can work out payment arrangements with the school. i know most colleges have student jobs, and part time positions which is how i made it thru college. 

You can do it. Dont let him stop you!!!


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