# Your Best Advice



## MTD (Apr 30, 2008)

What is your best advice for those individuals who are married to or in a relationship with someone who has a mood disorder or is depressed? 

I am researching this subject and would appreciate any advice you are willing to give. The information you provide may be used (without your identifying information) on my blog which serves as a resource for those who are married-to-depression, so to speak. 

Thank you, in advance for your tips/advice!

MTD
{married-to-depression}


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

MTD, welcome to the TAM forum. Wonderful blog you have! When folks are seeking advice for dealing with a "bipolar" or "moody" spouse, the first thing I advise them is to NOT rely on the diagnosis rendered by that spouse's therapist. Doing so is as foolish as relying on the spouse's attorney for advice during a divorce. Like attorneys, therapists are ethically bound to protect the interests of the sick patient, not those of the abused spouse. It therefore is important to see YOUR OWN psychologist -- for a visit or two _by yourself _-- to obtain a candid opinion on what it is you are dealing with. 

The primary reason for your needing to obtain that "second opinion" is that, when the abusive spouse is suffering from a PD like Borderline Personality Disorder, it usually is not in the patient's best interests to be told the name of that disorder. Moreover, the therapist usually knows that the patient won't get insurance coverage for PD treatments. 

It therefore is common for folks suffering from difficult-to-treat PDs to be told only that they are suffering from one of the side effects (e.g., depression or bipolar) that are comorbid. The result is that their spouses (as I was) remain stuck in toxic marriages for many years (15 years in my case), mistakenly expecting the "depression" or "bipolar" to be tamed when the right drug or dosage is found. For a more detailed explanation of why relying on your spouse's psychologist can be a disastrous course of action, please see my post at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-official-im-getting-divorced.html#post811909.


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