# Not Sexually Attracted to Husband Anymore



## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

I'm not sexually attracted to my husband anymore. We've been married for almost 30 years now. We have gone in and out of this situation over the years but it has been a struggle for many years now. I think the root of the problem is multi-layered...complicated, but mostly financial. This will be a long one so I'll just apologize now. I know that this post will probably sound self-absorbed but I am only being honest and hoping that I can receive some non-judgmental advice.

When we were first married I was in a high profile career making 6 (with potential for 7) figures/year. He was in the same field I was in and was doing fairly well for himself. He didn't get along with some people I worked with and since he had to interact with them he eventually pushed me into a corner where I had to quit. I did so to satisfy my husband and had every intention of rebuilding with a different team of people he approved of. It never happened. Those particular jobs are rare. I was incredibly fortunate to get that position in the first place and though I tried hard I could not seem to land another job in that position. I had in my mind from this point forward that my husband owed me to take care of me and provide what I had prepared to provide for myself since that was my dream job, one that I had worked years to acquire and could not seem to come fractionally close to replacing that income after that point.

He never has come close to replacing my income and ended up having to change careers to the tune of a fraction of the money he previously made. We now live check to check. I like things. I was raised with things. I was groomed to be able to afford them and was about the business of doing that until he had a problem with some of the players involved.

He cheated on me several years ago but I got over it and we moved beyond it. I don't think I am resentful of that but it did happen. We had two small kids and I was a housewife with no income at the time so I stayed. I don't know that I would have if I had been financially able to support myself. Eventually we turned it around and became good friends again.

He went through some addictions for some years -- a couple of different kinds of addictions. Drained our finances to literal poverty. I had to pawn my wedding ring to feed my kids during one of his MIA episodes. There is a small bit of fear and trauma left over. I still hide my purse at night when there is considerable cash in it though it has been many years. I still get fearful when he returns to spend any length of time in the cities that are "familiar places". He had a relapse once (again, some years ago) after years of recovery and was MIA after supposedly getting on a plane. He actually never caught the plane. Children and I were in the airport to pick him up but he never arrived...until 2 days later. I had called police by then...just a traumatic situation. I stuck by him through it (no income, small kids). It is in the past but is a less than attractive part of his history for me.

He is a bed-wetter and I did not know this when we married. It is a condition that runs in his family. It tends to affect them as kids (older than normal), normalize for some years and then return at middle age. He wets the bed about once every 2 months. Invariably he jumps up from his sleep when he realizes it is happening and startles me from mine as well. I have to move to sleep the rest of the night on the sofa in our bedroom (or the floor) while he removes the sheets and cleans the mattress. He went to the doctor about it years ago. Nothing they can do for him. Just suggested he not drink close to bedtime. He will still sometimes go to bed with a glass of water on his nightstand. I have addressed it at least 3 times. He will stop for a while after I mention and then after a while, pick the habit back up. Not attractive.

He wears reading glasses he bought at Walgreens. Terribly unattractive. He is a relatively attractive man. He is 10 years my senior. We are at the age that it is starting to make a difference. I thought it never would. I know that I too will hit that age marker where "aging" will show more rapidly suddenly but for now, he is there making it worse with the "feeble old man" looking glasses. Can't afford prescription ones. Barely putting groceries in the fridge.

I worked very hard in my new career and made enough money to purchase a pre-owned luxury vehicle cash two years ago. It is sort of a necessity in what I do for a living and aids in my being able to actually increase my income (I like things but don't indulge unnecessarily since I can't afford them anymore). My husband was experiencing a tight spot (he is still the primary breadwinner) and pressured me to pawn my car. Said we had no other options if we were going to make the bills happen that month. I was incredibly disappointed. It just felt like such a bottom-of-the-barrel type thing to do. He promised he'd have the title back in 2 months. Almost a year later he was finally able to get the title back. He brought alcohol home and expected a celebration and praise for paying it off. I didn't show him how livid I was at the audacity. I just stayed upbeat said how awesome it was not to have to deal with that anymore and continued to be loving and positive for the sake of the friendship and trying not to cut him down. He tried to initiate sex that same evening. I wanted to throw up. Beyond unattractive.

He is my best friend...because I realize it is important to keep him in that position. I don't allow myself to be closer to anyone else. It is my attempt to save my marriage. He really is a kind spirit whom I love very much. He is smart, funny and confident when it comes to everyone else. I don't think he is as confident with me. He wants so much to please me that it comes off as too soft sometimes. I wonder about myself that I feel that way about someone so focused on me.

He is very much in love with me.

I love him very much as a person. I just don't want to have sex with him. The more he wants it and makes advances, the more unattractive he is to me. I pray about it. I could pray more about it though. I get through sex with him sometimes by fantasizing -- he thinks "we're" having sex but really there is a whole different scenario going on in my head. He is just the physical part of my fantasy. I make sure my fantasy is only about me with him...a more financially stable, far more powerful him. When it is over, I am so relieved. I feel like I can exist without serious pressure for a week and a half. Then the pressure is huge and tension begins to mount again. I have tried committing to myself to try to initiate so that the pressure doesn't get to be so bad but it doesn't work. I'd just rather avoid it as long as I can. 

He snores to the point of keeping me awake. Can't fix it. Can't afford medical insurance. Makes too much money for medical assistance but not enough to pay monthly premiums. I've suggested different bedrooms. He doesn't want to do that. Oh...flatulence all night, every night (I've read we all do it and I don't rest well at night for fear of making him the victim the way I am when he is asleep). Terrible...and unattractive.

His back teeth are in terrible condition. He rinses daily with a peroxide solution to keep swelling and pain down. Can't fix it. Can't afford dental work. No dental insurance. I haven't kissed him in years because even though his breath doesn't smell, I know what's going on in his mouth and I just can't with that.

I love when he travels because I can sleep in my bed without the fear of him trying to make advances and without the snoring, or the flatulence or the possibility of a bed-wetting startle. It is the best rest I ever have. I can walk around without that cloud of "failure" over my head. The most peaceful moments I have are when he is away. Sad.

The saddest thing about the whole thing is how my reaction affects him. He must feel so rejected. I just don't know what to do though. I don't want to leave because I believe God can fix everything. I believe this can work. It has survived decades. I can continue to do more decades with the pressure I have done the previous ones with but I am hoping for better quality of life. Suggestions?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Where to begin. There is resentment that stems from the financial side of the marriage and your husband's controlling behavior. His infidelity. His broken promises regarding the title of your car within two months and subsequent abandonment of it. And finally there is repulsion regarding his bedwetting, snoring, and farting. Resentment all around, resentment that kills sexual attraction.

Marriage is not supposed to be a cesspool of secrets and right now with this post, we here at TAM know more about your innermost thoughts and feelings than your husband of 30 years will ever know. Nothing will change if you insist on keeping everything bottled up. Be honest with him and tell him everything you said here. God can't fix anything without you being honest and truthful.


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## Kitt (Jun 3, 2015)

What would be the best case scenario for you? You seem to have very specific likes and dislikes so I am wondering if there is anything he can do or say that would bridge this gap. What would you like to see happen realistically? If he is your best friend, how would you help your best friend save his marriage?


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## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

> Where to begin.... God can't fix anything without you being honest and truthful.


Morituri, first, thanks tons for reading the incredibly long post. I have told him everything I mentioned there. I am a communicator so I don't think I've left out one detail in my conversations with him. I just don't know where to go with it beyond that. He can't change his past mistakes and decisions though he does show remorse for every misstep. He remarks frequently enough that he has no idea how I am still with him. When I catch him staring at me sometimes he will say how amazing he feels I am and how lucky he is to be able to call me his wife. He can't change the medical situations without insurance. He works like a slave to try to provide -- his earning ability just doesn't cut it. I have suggested downsizing and living within our means but he refuses...probably because he knows I will eventually be resentful of living below upper middle class lifestyle we both came from and that I was providing for myself before marrying him. I am left asking him to just "hang in there" with me while I work through this lack of desire for sex with him as much as I am "hanging in there" with him as he deals with the lacks on his part. I'm not sure if that "you owe me because I'm doing the same for you" perspective is mean-spirited or not though. It doesn't make me feel good. :-/ He seems to accept it as fair but I'm sure it affects his confidence...and of course a spouse who has taken a hit to the confidence is...less attractive. :-(


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## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

Kitt said:


> What would be the best case scenario for you? You seem to have very specific likes and dislikes so I am wondering if there is anything he can do or say that would bridge this gap. What would you like to see happen realistically? If he is your best friend, how would you help your best friend save his marriage?


Hmmm. I am a thinker. I don't know how I missed that perspective. lol. Definitely something to spend some time wrapping my head around.


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## Kitt (Jun 3, 2015)

shaynashayna said:


> Hmmm. I am a thinker. I don't know how I missed that perspective. lol. Definitely something to spend some time wrapping my head around.


This is why TAM is such an important site..it makes us see things from differing perspectives. Sometimes, to stand outside of our issues and problems is the only way to ultimately see them as they truly are.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

It reads like you are just well over the whole thing. That's the tough bit though - years of experiences and all that familiarity. Hard to move on from what feels safe even if it is off putting. Better the devil you know....

So how long do you intend to keep up the charade, or are you waiting for him to work it out?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

shaynashayna since each and every one of us is responsible for his/her happiness, why not ask yourself "What are my goals and dreams?". Once you know, share them with your husband and let him know that you very much would like his support. If he is up to the task, then this could be the start of the healing of your marriage and the first steps in regaining your sexual attraction towards your husband.


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## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

Horizon said:


> It reads like you are just well over the whole thing. That's the tough bit though - years of experiences and all that familiarity. Hard to move on from what feels safe even if it is off putting. Better the devil you know....
> 
> So how long do you intend to keep up the charade, or are you waiting for him to work it out?


I'm actually far from over it. No charade here. I'm very open with him about my thoughts and issues. Thing is, even through everything, except for the whole sexual attraction thing, I love being his wife because he's really an incredibly supportive guy who would take a bullet for me. It's just that in my perfect universe he doesn't want sex. I know that's not going to happen so...that's where the dilemma comes in. :-/ I want him to suddenly become desirable to me. I don't know if he can do that without the income and power that comes with that. Maybe that sounds shallow but broke is just the un-sexiest thing, especially when it is totally because of his choices and desires. I suppose I bear responsibility for leaving that job to please him in the first place but I don't think the marriage would have survived if I hadn't. Now here I am hoping the marriage will survive on this end. Can I just please win? lol


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I feel sorry for both of you and especially him to hear his wife speak so negatively about him.

Have you considered that you might be at a time in your life (menopause, midlife, etc) where you are questioning how far you have (have not come), what could have been, what dreams you had that were not fulfilled, etc. Many woman go through this (I am assuming you are in your 40s/50s) at mid life and many are walkaway wives as a result.

Hormones play a huge role in all of this, primarily the lack of oestrogen - read The Female Brain. What you would have put up with , you no longer want to. Your libido reduces, many things annoy you that did not in the past and the husband is often the main target. 
I would suggest you try to understand yourself better and what you are going through not just emotionally/mentally but physiologically as well - it can have a huge impact. You may make decisions now that you regret later. 
Arm yourself with knowledge first and go from there.

Have you considered MC. I am sure if you give your husband actions to follow through on he will meet you half way.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Wow! You two have so many layers of issues, I do not know where to begin. I agree with the others about the resentment that you have built up for numerous reasons. I'm pretty negative about the financial issue. For the first eighteen years of my marriage, I was the major breadwinner. Recently, my wife advanced in a new career and is making quite a bit more money. It bothered me at first (as I am extremely alpha), but she said "we are a team and I love you, so this doesn't change anything accept more family vacations"! You two, for better or worse, are a team and have to work together financially and otherwise. That being said, ASSUMING that you have indeed disclosed everything you said here, to your husband, he has got to be feeling pretty horrible right now. I know I would. Just remember that if you do not work with him to turn this around, he is going to eventually resent you! You are both going to have to meet somewhere in the middle to work out all of the crap/history between you. Are you getting marriage counseling?


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## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

morituri said:


> shaynashayna since each and every one of us is responsible for his/her happiness, why not ask yourself "What are my goals and dreams?". Once you know, share them with your husband and let him know that you very much would like his support. If he is up to the task, then this could be the start of the healing of your marriage and the first steps in regaining your sexual attraction towards your husband.


He definitely supports me in all I do. He is charming and lovely in every way except those I mentioned. lol! He checks on me daily after he leaves the house. He listens when I vent and is a great sounding board. If he only had $100.00 to his name, he'd give me $90.00 without blinking if I asked him. I've learned a lot from him. He just has issues that make him sexually unattractive to me. There has been much healing because of his supportiveness and patience (I have not described my shortcomings here but you can be sure that I have them ). God has changed my heart from a time when I wondered if I hated my husband because of the addictions and the affair. I imagine He will come to our rescue again but tonight the issue has come up again and since my husband is my best friend, there is no one else to vent to and bounce things off of when the issue is with him. I have expressed it to him already so here I am venting and gaining as much perspective as I can here.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

shaynashayna said:


> It's just that in my perfect universe he doesn't want sex


Was there ever a time in your marriage when you were sexually attracted to him?


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## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

aine said:


> I feel sorry for both of you and especially him to hear his wife speak so negatively about him.
> 
> Have you considered that you might be at a time in your life (menopause, midlife, etc) where you are questioning how far you have (have not come), what could have been, what dreams you had that were not fulfilled, etc. Many woman go through this (I am assuming you are in your 40s/50s) at mid life and many are walkaway wives as a result.
> 
> ...



Yes, I feel badly for him too. He's such a good guy, really. There are many legitimately unsexy factors but the time in my life may be contributing to how I am processing it all. I am definitely a different person than the one he met. For one, my confidence is through the roof. As I have matured, I take pride in taking no BS from life. When I met him, he was my knight in shining armor with 10 yrs of life experience over me. He was the "take charge" part of my life that I needed. That was a big part of my sexual attraction to him. Since that leveled out at some point and I became a confident adult quite capable of commanding everything in my own life, that part of the sexual attraction dissipated. Marriage counseling is probably in order. Just have to find quality free counsel. Can't use church resources -- wouldn't want to share his past with anyone he has to see outside of the counseling office. Going to be a challenge to find but it's worth the effort.


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## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

Rushwater said:


> Wow! You two have so many layers of issues, I do not know where to begin. I agree with the others about the resentment that you have built up for numerous reasons. I'm pretty negative about the financial issue. For the first eighteen years of my marriage, I was the major breadwinner. Recently, my wife advanced in a new career and is making quite a bit more money. It bothered me at first (as I am extremely alpha), but she said "we are a team and I love you, so this doesn't change anything accept more family vacations"! You two, for better or worse, are a team and have to work together financially and otherwise. That being said, ASSUMING that you have indeed disclosed everything you said here, to your husband, he has got to be feeling pretty horrible right now. I know I would. Just remember that if you do not work with him to turn this around, he is going to eventually resent you! You are both going to have to meet somewhere in the middle to work out all of the crap/history between you. Are you getting marriage counseling?



Yes, he feels badly about the finances. Yes, disclosed all to him.  Definitely looking into marriage counseling.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

shaynashayna said:


> Yes, I feel badly for him too. He's such a good guy, really. There are many legitimately unsexy factors but the time in my life may be contributing to how I am processing it all. I am definitely a different person than the one he met. For one, my confidence is through the roof. As I have matured, I take pride in taking no BS from life. When I met him, he was my knight in shining armor with 10 yrs of life experience over me. He was the "take charge" part of my life that I needed. That was a big part of my sexual attraction to him. Since that leveled out at some point and I became a confident adult quite capable of commanding everything in my own life, that part of the sexual attraction dissipated. Marriage counseling is probably in order. Just have to find quality free counsel. Can't use church resources -- wouldn't want to share his past with anyone he has to see outside of the counseling office. Going to be a challenge to find but it's worth the effort.


Shayna, the IC I see is a wonderful Christian woman who works out of HER church, not mine. Because the church gives her free space to use (a conference room), the sessions are only $25. You might be able to just call around, put some feelers out, and see if any type of arrangement exists at a church you do not attend. My counselor also recently became employed at a counseling facility closer to my home, but the fees are much higher and I have a really high deductible, so I just travel to her church and do it out of pocket.

I know this is not the issue you were asking about, but I hope that since you anticipate the bed wetting every couple of months, you have some sort of plastic or something on your mattress so you don't truly have to be cleaning the actual mattress every time. 

How long have you been back to work?

I don't know anything about it, but would your husband be open to reading the book often mentioned here, No More Mr. Nice Guy? It sounds like you really want him to be a lot more alpha. Is he open to try to be? I know at 30 years of marriage that could be really tough to change if it's just a part of his innate personality.


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## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

morituri said:


> Was there ever a time in your marriage when you were sexually attracted to him?


Yes, in the beginning when he was full of confidence and I wasn't truly the grown woman I am today...before all of the betrayals...when I had not yet suffered through being broke for years on his watch.


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## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Shayna, the IC I see is a wonderful Christian woman who works out of HER church, not mine. Because the church gives her free space to use (a conference room), the sessions are only $25. You might be able to just call around, put some feelers out, and see if any type of arrangement exists at a church you do not attend. My counselor also recently became employed at a counseling facility closer to my home, but the fees are much higher and I have a really high deductible, so I just travel to her church and do it out of pocket.
> 
> I know this is not the issue you were asking about, but I hope that since you anticipate the bed wetting every couple of months, you have some sort of plastic or something on your mattress so you don't truly have to be cleaning the actual mattress every time.
> 
> ...


Great info. I will look into Christian counseling at a different church. Hadn't thought of that.

Been back to work more seriously for 4 years but because of my very specific field of training and lack of degree (I left college for the lucrative opportunity I had), my earning ability is not what his is (and his is less than 100K...and we live in LA so... :|). I did contract work here and there for several years before starting to get back into a different (and wayyyy less lucrative) aspect of what I was originally trained for. I have been more seriously working for the past 4 years though.

Mattress...ugh. Bought a new one recently because I expressed that it is just gross to expect me to share a mattress that had been peed on...you can't *really* clean it. Perhaps a carpet cleaning service could but he's certainly not calling them for that. He's wiping it with hot water and laundry detergent and letting it dry. We tried a plastic cover but it made the bed incredibly hot and we'd wake up in the wee hours drenched from night sweating. He came up with cutting the plastic cover to just 1/4 of the bed which relieves us of night sweats but I'm not sure if it is 100% effective with the mattress. I don't involve myself with the cleaning. Generally he is extremely embarrassed and I am extremely livid (though I am sensitive not to express that at the time...I just move to my new spot for the night). I am livid because he does not take special care to abstain from liquids after a certain time. He goes for what he must feel like is long enough after we discuss it and thinks "it's ok now". Thing is probably 98% of the time he has liquids just before bed it doesn't affect him. It seems to be a random occurrence. My thinking though is to prevent it from *ever* happening and *never* consume liquids after a certain hour. If it were me I'd probably be dehydrated trying to prevent that from happening if it embarrassed me like that and if my husband had expressed that it bothered him to the degree that I have expressed. {sigh}

The book might be a good idea. Will look into that. Strange thing is, he is still very much a take-charge personality with everyone else. There is no pushing this man around in any other situation. He is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet but when challenged in the slightest will say what he means and mean what he says very directly. With me though, it has gotten to be different. I am a former model so he's gotten years of the friends and acquaintances who ask him, "wow, how'd you do that?" when they meet his wife. He feels lucky. He knows men proposition me whenever I leave the house (although I am faithful). He sees the heads turn when we are out and loves every minute of that. I have developed the attitude of "I love you, but you keep screwing up and it will be your loss." I spent decades as an insecure young lady who eventually (well into my marriage) grew into understanding the power of self-confidence. It works in the other areas of my life. People drink the kool-aid and it amazes me after suffering from low self-esteem for so long. I drank it too. I know I am flawed but I finally think overall I'm pretty amazing. lol. The attitude also works as a protection for me from the behaviors of his addiction and an affair. He knows I am now just not the woman who would stay through any of that. I'm going to the bookstore to look for the book today though. Hopefully it will speak to him. Good suggestion. Thank you!


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

30 years is a long time.

He is not a spring chicken anymore. I have been married now for 40 years. My wife and I are both not as young as we used to be. 

Some of the beauty is on the inside, not just the outside. Even you may not be as beautiful as you used to be after 30 years of marriage. 

In my eyes, my wife is still beautiful. However, we both have faults. Sometimes, I have thought that she stayed now just for the money that I provide. Together we are worth more than a million, but that is not enough these days. I do have my faults, but I also know that she has her faults. One is too friendly with other males. Someday if this goes too far, we will both pay a heavy price.

But after all this time, one of the joys is the kids and grandkids. I still have to work too much. 

However, we do have differences and sometimes it does help to have the "right" counselor to help with the rough edges. 

You do have options, and try to see what can be changed, before going where the grass is always greener. The next guy could be better of could be worse. 

Be sure to look long and hard and sorry about his A's. 

That was totally selfish on his part. That may still have blown up the marriage. Hope you can find a good counselor.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I read you original post but only glanced through the rest of the thread... 

First of all, most women complain about not being able to get out of their own head to relax and get themselves into a worry free state where they would be more receptive to sex. So I would recommend making a change of venue to explore intimacy, even if it is just rearranging and cleaning a room in your house to make it free of clutter and other things that remind you of all your ongoing issues. Change fabric softeners, shampoo, soap, and perfume/cologne to make everything smell different, as this is also a powerful way to distract you mind that something is new in your life.

Then, since you like to try and fantasize about your husband, convince him to role play a bit with you. Perhaps he has meticulously crafted his life with you as a secret agent so that no one will suspect that he has trillions of dollars that he controls the fate of other countries. Or (like most women) if you need to imagine something plausible, buy a scratch off lottery ticket but do not check if it is a winner and keep it in the house to keep the dream alive and play romantic games to him to imagine what the two of you would do if it is actually worth millions. 

Hope that helps, 
Badsanta


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## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

harrybrown said:


> 30 years is a long time.
> 
> He is not a spring chicken anymore. I have been married now for 40 years. My wife and I are both not as young as we used to be.
> 
> ...



Yes, beauty on the outside fades for sure. He and I have both...changed since spring chickenhood.  I know that my changing has not been as rapid as his yet simply because I'm 10 years behind him. It will come though. lol. People still guess his age to be about 12 years younger than what he is. The average guess on mine right now is about 20 years younger -- we are both fortunate with good genes, we exercise, eat clean, etc. Again though, I try not to put too much stock in the exterior because it will go eventually. The effort to attend it (whatever the current physical appearance) matters much to me and is a sexy factor though for sure (like Walgreens "old man" glasses...ugh). 

Definitely not looking for a "next guy." I know there are many guys out there who could make me feel "taken care of" but I can't imagine a guy who could want to do that more than this one. I know that he wakes up thinking, "how can I make her happy today"? He is just not in the position to provide for our lifestyle without the severe stress we constantly live under. I once had a client meet me at my home. When I opened the door she handed me the bright yellow water disconnection notice that was left on my front door. I could go on for a long time about similar things that have happened. That kind of stuff I find hard to work past when I am trying to find him attractive. 

Sincerely hoping to find a good counselor. Congratulations on your 40 years. I know that it is a constant work. I hope things work out for you and your wife and that you sail through the next 40.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

shaynashayna said:


> Yes, in the beginning when he was full of confidence and I wasn't truly the grown woman I am today...*before all of the betrayals*...when I had not yet suffered through being broke for years on his watch.


Betrayal is a killer. While it did not immediately kill my love, it did forever kill my sexual desire for my unfaithful ex-wife. I knew that the only way for me to recover was through divorce and that was excruciatingly painful as well.

In your situation not only did you have to contend with his extra-marital betrayal but with his financial betrayals as well. You have not recovered from these ordeals and so it is not surprising that your sexual desire for your husband is non existent.

I would suggest that you consider getting IC (individual counseling) to help you to conquer the toxic twins, anger and bitterness, from your heart. Not for your husband's sake but for your own. For no matter what happens to your marriage, divorce or not, they'll travel with you wherever you go. Your emotional recovery comes first, way above the lack of sexual desire for your husband.


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## shaynashayna (Jun 25, 2015)

badsanta said:


> I read you original post but only glanced through the rest of the thread...
> 
> First of all, most women complain about not being able to get out of their own head to relax and get themselves into a worry free state where they would be more receptive to sex. So I would recommend making a change of venue to explore intimacy, even if it is just rearranging and cleaning a room in your house to make it free of clutter and other things that remind you of all your ongoing issues. Change fabric softeners, shampoo, soap, and perfume/cologne to make everything smell different, as this is also a powerful way to distract you mind that something is new in your life.
> 
> ...



Lol! I think asking him to pretend to be wealthy for my fantasies would be akin to the guy who has an overweight wife but wishes she was skinny whispering, "Tonight, let's pretend that...you're 30 lbs lighter...that would really turn me on." lol!!! Where IS that laughing-to-tears emoji?

The house is museum tidy down to my color-categorized closet. I am very "scent sensitive" though. I think I will take your advice there and try creating the "new" with that as well as perhaps literally changing the venue...maybe a different room of the house will help shed some of the baggage that the bedroom energy carries. Good suggestions. Thx!!


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

shaynashayna
After thirty years, just what is it you are trying to save in this "union"?
Your disdain for the guy you chose to marry will only turn into contempt
or even hatred, if it isn't already there. 
Time to end it and see if you can't do better, next time.


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