# is it the end of my marriage?



## SECEST (Oct 4, 2010)

I'll be brief.

Putting the facts:
1. I love my wife (4 years marriage) like crazy. 
2. Never cheated on any of my previous relationships
3. I cheated on my wife 3 years ago when we were separated (work, her pregnancy) and stayed in different continents for 6 moths (I visited her twice in that time).
4. She found out when coming back that something happen and went ballistic.
5. She calms but the relationship is harsh (hell sometimes) for the following 3 years.
6. I know the reason of my affair but I'm into it again as we have been another 6 months away.
7. She just found out

Questions:
don't I love her enough?
I'm upset with myself and don't know what to do. I know she was trying to cope with the first affair but I only saw myself being rejected and not feeling worthy of her. I just wanted somebody to see in my what she used to see....I don't know where it has gone. I just wanted an scape and don't live the reality I had for a couple of hours. I don't know
I don't want a mistress or work late to be with the affair. I never had anything while we were together but being married is being together no matter the distance and I should honor that commitment. What is happening to me? 
Obviously I stop that affair long time ago and there's no contact at all but my I damage my marriage and my wife says I'll do it again. Will I? She will leave and I definitively screw up my marriage. She says I messed it and I should be the one to fix it but I don't know what to do? I don't know what to tell or reassure her it won't happen again.

I hate myself and I deserve she goes and leave me but the reality is that I want her and only her in my life. We have a family (2 kids). I want her to be mad at me but stay and work so we are what we used to be. is it possible?

Tx everyone


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You said she was trying to cope with your "first" affair, which would mean you've had more than one. What's up?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

If she were Chinese, she would probably forgive you and continue your relationship even though she is deeply hurt. I don't think she is Chinese or anywhere near eastern culture. 

Cheating on her is like tabbing her heart with a sword. You crushed not only her trust but also her self esteem. 

Long distance relationship is never good for a marriage. I wonder how many long distance relationships survived. My ex and I ended our marriage mainly because of this reason. Never blamed him for what he did. He cheated on me with his assistant, but I had already stopped caring when I found out. 

The mistake you made is still forgivable, because you were lonely and horny! 

If she chooses to forgive you, it means you have to try harder to earn her trust again and make her a very happy woman. Be 100% open to her!!! Never let her even have a little bit of insecure feeling. 

BE 100% OPEN TO HER. AND LET HER KNOW YOU REALLY REPENTED AND WANT TO BE A GOOD MAN.

A sinner can be forgiven only if he is truly repented!!!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Maybe think about letting her go. Maybe once is a mistake. Twice is a pattern. You're doing it for a reason and probably will continue hurting her. If you care about her at all come clean 100% and offer to leave.


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## SECEST (Oct 4, 2010)

thanks

I came clean with her the other day and explain the reason, I believe I cheated on her. This is my second time after cheating on her 3 years ago.

I spoke to her as I understood the reason of me cheating, something I never did in the past with any of my relationships. She is really hurt but I told her I'll work on my issues and the reasons to cheat on her wether she stays with me or no. I open the doors to her and offer the options of leaving if she feels she cannot be with me any longer or I move so she stays in the house with the kids, as I wouldn't like the kids to move. No matter what I'll change to be a better man, better husband, better father....the way I used to be.

Yes, I felt lonely and horny. I also didn't felt her love when we were apart and the issues we have, kids, mortgage, bills, work .... sometimes made me feel, specially when we were away, a bit neglected. somebody notice that longing and ....

Now I don't know what she will do but I'm really scare as if she goes she might not come back. She is so proud....

I wish she could move along .....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You have taken the 1st step, now it is time BOTH of you take the second step and that is repairing what both of you screwed up.

Cheating is not the problem with the marriage in is the end result of a problematic marriage. You have mentioned some points on why you cheated, but I think there is more to it that may involve both of your behaviors. Something needs fixed in the marriage so you went off and broke a sacred vow between you and your wife, you screw over your wife and now she wants YOU to fix it. 
You may want to ask her for some help this situation does involve both of you.
Or, she may be on her way out, either way the both of you will have the same behavior patterns with future relationship, with the same out come. So way not fix them and have the same marriage with different behaviors?


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