# Smoking dilemna



## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

Hi everyone I need your help. A few weeks ago my husband and I had gone on a date during which he had bought a pack of smoke and I was okay with it because he had told me he would only do it when we were out or once in a while. Ever since he's had them he's been smoking regularly despite me asking him not to do it all the time. I don't mind the smoking as much as I mind him not keeping his word. We've had a few arguments about it because he can't seem to understand why it's such a big deal if he smokes one or 2 a day and I don't know how I can make him understand how much it's been hurting me to know that he's been smoking all the time even though I've made it really clear that it bothers me that he does it all the time. I do wish he wouldn't continue and I've asked him if he plans on continuing in the future and he told me he doesn't know. What should I do or say so he can see how much this is bothering me? 

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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Stop kissing him and having sex with him. Tell him the smoking is a turn off.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Put away the issue of him keeping his word for now. 

What specifically bothers you about his smoking? Don't just reply you hate it. And have you told him this. 

Do you know why he returned to smoking? Is it his stress coping mechanism?

I am not a lady but my wife has been smoking all 25 years we have been married.


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## KaraBoo0723 (Oct 1, 2016)

As a current smoker I can tell you that the only way for your H to quit smoking is if he does it for himself. Quitting to try to please someone else just does not last. Nagging him will not not help and could actually make it worse -- I know that when someone does that to me it puts me in the mindset that I am an adult and can smoke if I want to and will smoke more to prove that I won't be controlled by anyone, ever 


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## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> Stop kissing him and having sex with him. Tell him the smoking is a turn off.


I have so now he does it when I'm not home or he'll try to be sly about it and "step out" for a bit. It really bothers me when he does that. 

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I can understand how you feel. My dad and first husband smoked and there is no way I would ever live with a smoker now. Even being near someone who smokes makes me cough. You may need to be firm about it and make it clear that you dont what him smoking anywhere near you, or in the car or house. This wont stop him smelling of smoke, but it will better than nothing.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

areenhaque26 said:


> It really bothers me when he does that.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk



Why?


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## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

KaraBoo0723 said:


> As a current smoker I can tell you that the only way for your H to quit smoking is if he does it for himself. Quitting to try to please someone else just does not last. Nagging him will not not help and could actually make it worse -- I know that when someone does that to me it puts me in the mindset that I am an adult and can smoke if I want to and will smoke more to prove that I won't be controlled by anyone, ever
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


In the beginning I would make it explicitly known how upset I was but now I don't say anything anymore because I know he'll do it regardless. I've made it really clear that he can't smoke in the house so he doesn't. He only smokes when he's by himself or in his car. He keeps telling me that this is just a phase. 

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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Was smoking something that he has been doing since the 1st time you met him? If so I can see why he would be hesitant to change (i.e. you accepted him for it back then, so why now does he have to change). 

Smoking is a no no for me, I wouldn't even consider getting involved with someone who did, so if suddenly at some point during our relationship they picked up the habit, that would be a dealbreaker (but this may be a different scenario then yours if it was something he has been doing from the start).


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

areenhaque26 said:


> In the beginning I would make it explicitly known how upset I was but now I don't say anything anymore because I know he'll do it regardless. I've made it really clear that he can't smoke in the house so he doesn't. He only smokes when he's by himself or in his car. He keeps telling me that this is just a phase.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


Smoking is an addiction, not just a phase. I could understand it bothering you if you have a hard time with the smell but you haven't indicated that. So why does it bother you? If you don't have a reasonable answer then you're just being controlling. 

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## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> Put away the issue of him keeping his word for now.
> 
> What specifically bothers you about his smoking? Don't just reply you hate it. And have you told him this.
> 
> ...


What's bothering me about him smoking is that my ex used to smoke all the time and let's just say we didn't have a great relationship so my husband smoking is a constant reminder of my ex which I don't need. I've told him this but he took it very lightly. At first it was just for fun, then it was because it helped him sleep even though I pointed out to him that it only helps him temporarily because he's up again in the middle of the night. Maybe it's because is stress. He's been having a hard time finding a job and I'm trying to be empathetic but I can't help but think that this is going to be an ongoing thing. Smoking has never bothered me. I've been around friends and family members who smoke. If he did it once or twice in a week or so I wouldn't be bothered by it. 

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## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

He smokes the menthol kind so the smell hasn't been an issue. Like you said smoking is an addiction and I don't want him to get addicted. He's constantly coughing and I don't want him to have health issues down the road. 

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## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

Like I said if he did it once in a while I wouldn't be as concerned but the fact that he's been smoking all the time is a bit alarming because I don't want him to make a habit of it. I don't know if I sound contradicting. 

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## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

EllisRedding said:


> Was smoking something that he has been doing since the 1st time you met him? If so I can see why he would be hesitant to change (i.e. you accepted him for it back then, so why now does he have to change).
> 
> Smoking is a no no for me, I wouldn't even consider getting involved with someone who did, so if suddenly at some point during our relationship they picked up the habit, that would be a dealbreaker (but this may be a different scenario then yours if it was something he has been doing from the start).


Actually I didn't know about it until we got married. I never bothered to ask him because I just assumed he didn't since when he came to see me and we spent the weekend together he didn't smoke at all our give me any indication that he did. He didn't even smoke after we got married. It's something he's gotten back into recently. 

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## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Smoking is an addiction, not just a phase. I could understand it bothering you if you have a hard time with the smell but you haven't indicated that. So why does it bother you? If you don't have a reasonable answer then you're just being controlling.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


He smokes the menthol kind so the smell hasn't been an issue. Like you said smoking is an addiction and I don't want him to get addicted. He's constantly coughing and I don't want him to have health issues down the road. 

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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

areenhaque26 said:


> He smokes the menthol kind so the smell hasn't been an issue. Like you said smoking is an addiction and I don't want him to get addicted. He's constantly coughing and I don't want him to have health issues down the road.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


I smoked for 20 years and had a heart attack because of it. I did eventually quit. Many years later I see this dude puffing on a "cigarette" in a mall. It was an ecig. He gave me a puff and I haven's stopped since.
Nicotine is probably one of the most addictive substances on planet earth.

Most people CANNOT have just 1 or 2 cigarettes. It's nearly impossible. He either has to quit or choose the ecig route. Is an ecig better?? Nobody really knows. I have been doing it for several years and have no cough. My cardiologist also gave me the ok.
Still don't really know if it's safe though.

However, I am hooked, big time.


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## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

UMP said:


> I smoked for 20 years and had a heart attack because of it. I did eventually quit. Many years later I see this dude puffing on a "cigarette" in a mall. It was an ecig. He gave me a puff and I haven's stopped since.
> Nicotine is probably one of the most addictive substances on planet earth.
> 
> Most people CANNOT have just 1 or 2 cigarettes. It's nearly impossible. He either has to quit or choose the ecig route. Is an ecig better?? Nobody really knows. I have been doing it for several years and have no cough. My cardiologist also gave me the ok.
> ...


Would you suggest vaping as an alternative? 

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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

areenhaque26 said:


> Would you suggest vaping as an alternative?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


Yes, I would.
However, and this is a BIG however, nobody really knows if it bad.

Like I said, I was totally upfront with my cardiologist and GP and both of them said no problem.

I have no cough and have been doing it for years. Ever since they came out.

Actually my cardiologist said the chemical nicotine is about as harmless as caffeine.
It's all the other crap in cigarettes that's bad.


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## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

UMP said:


> Yes, I would.
> However, and this is a BIG however, nobody really knows if it bad.
> 
> Like I said, I was totally upfront with my cardiologist and GP and both of them said no problem.
> ...


Okay so he smokes American spirit and apparently they are supposed to be natural. So should I do concerned if he's smoking those? My main concern is him getting addicted and smoking more than he is now. Do you ever get the craving for a real cigarette now that you're on ecig?

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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

areenhaque26 said:


> Okay so he smokes American spirit and apparently they are supposed to be natural. So should I do concerned if he's smoking those? My main concern is him getting addicted and smoking more than he is now. Do you ever get the craving for a real cigarette now that you're on ecig?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


A cigarette is a cigarette is a cigarette. Combustion is your enemy.

Vaping has completely taken away my desire for a cigarette. 

One interesting tidbit. When I was about to leave the hospital after my heart attack, the nurse got right in my face and said, "if you stop smoking I might not see you again, if you don't I WILL see you again.


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## areenhaque26 (Jan 27, 2017)

UMP said:


> A cigarette is a cigarette is a cigarette. Combustion is your enemy.
> 
> Vaping has completely taken away my desire for a cigarette.
> 
> One interesting tidbit. When I was about to leave the hospital after my heart attack, the nurse got right in my face and said, "if you stop smoking I might not see you again, if you don't I WILL see you again.


Thank you. 

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## ad356 (Feb 8, 2017)

introduce your husband to vaping. my wife is 35 years old sadly she has COPD. we I met her we both smoked. we have both been cigarette for the better part of 6 years. we both vape now. my wife smoked 15 some years. a year after she quit she discovered she has COPD. not something she wants to have at 35.

vaping does not stink, can be used with or without nicotine, and only exposes the user to a small tiny fraction of the harm. its something like 95% safer then smoking. I know you would rather your husband not do anything but you might not win that battle, you can at least put something in front of him that smells like baked goods or something pleasant, and something that wont do him any harm.

smoking sucks. no good comes from it. cigarettes would cease to exist if so much misinformation wasn't being spread. in fact the government wants sick people...... lots of money form cigarettes sadly.


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## ad356 (Feb 8, 2017)

I didn't read the earlier post so I agree 100% with the earlier poster. get him a good adjustable mod and tank, you can make your own liquid and coils if you do the research. with me making my own stuff its dirt cheap


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

EllisRedding said:


> Was smoking something that he has been doing since the 1st time you met him? If so I can see why he would be hesitant to change (i.e. you accepted him for it back then, so why now does he have to change).
> 
> Smoking is a no no for me, I wouldn't even consider getting involved with someone who did, so if suddenly at some point during our relationship they picked up the habit, that would be a dealbreaker (but this may be a different scenario then yours if it was something he has been doing from the start).


Yes for all those young & in love...read & heed... when a couple is dating... these things need sorted out.. to know if you can LIVE with someone & their habits, whatever they are..... 

When I met my husband.. he smoked.. I told him I would not be with someone who smoked... he quit, never touched them again.... it's a horrible habit, a huge money waster, and the worst.. it ruins your health...those 2 things right there, deal breakers for me.. 

Vaping.. don't know much about it.. if this has no health effects.. this is the way to go...if he's willing -for himself...once you've lived with it, it's just that much harder to find compromise...


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