# High Sex Drive...a blessing...don't be ashamed.



## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

I have grown tired of reading post by woman and even men, just given up on sex pleasure and what it does for the heart of those needing it. I don't understand why if you have a high sex drive and your spouse doesn't, you are basically fu...up!...I disagree with this and I firmly believe that the low sex drive person need to work on their issues in trying to figure out why is that sex for them is not important....we are all human beings and have the potential to enjoy sex...have you see the animal kingdom...it is really advance how they have sex....now look at our specie, any anthropologist will tell you that our sex problems are because of sociaty and upbrining that all of us have the potential to be as wild and adventures as in the animal kingdom....I think you need to overcome this idea that if your woman or man doesn't show interest for sex, that you are doomed....I think all of us should follow a systematic way to provide information to our loves one about how rewarding can be the emotional connexion that can be achieved only through a happy sex life between two people...

I guess what I want to hear from the people here is your honest comments about why you have given up and are backing off and basically are stopping at trying to improve your sex lives...or just keep believing that if you don't feel in a particular way, then, you should not be pressured to do anything....this is so unfair....you are asked to step to the plate every time life through you a curve, but in the sex department you have to settle?....shouldn't be a thread dedicated to find a way, steps, or something that could help those with high sex drive and dreams of excitement and variety in the bedroom? where people could list all what they've done to bridge the gaps between their spouses....? anyone with experience where a low sex drive and high sex drive met in the middle and are fully happy?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

nobody has to settle for anything. i think most HD spouses lament about why their spouse is LD and try to make it better, maybe hope against hope that it will change. the possible reasons for this frustrating dynamic are unending and complex. alot of people give up and either cheat or divorce. i agree, nobody should have to deal with lack of satisfaction from the one they love and committed living their life with..


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I, personally, dealing with a similar issue don't believe I'm giving up.

I'm trying to work through the problem and not just throw in the towel. I'm trying to remember that I vowed to stand beside him "in sickness and in health," and "for better or for worse." 

Just didn't expect to be dealing with "in sickness" and "for worse" this early in our lives (we're 50/49). He has the health of a 70-75 year old man but the body of a 49 year old man.

In my case, unique as it is, I have to remember that this isn't just HIM, it's a prior stroke, a TBI, PTSD from the war, a lot of things - along with medications and drinking (in order to escape the pain and disability that he has incurred with what has happened to him).

So, for me - I don't believe I'm ignoring what is important to me and settling - I'm trying to work things out. 

Will I stay FOREVER and try to work it out...don't know at this point. I haven't been dealing with it forever yet. 

And while I find sex very important in my marriage and to me personally (and trust me - it is, read my other posts) - it seems that it is ALL YOU THINK ABOUT 24-7. And I do have to say, that because of your posts, I realized the pressure I was putting my husband under and have backed off.

Some of your posts sound like me - you have to have sex to feel loved. Okay, fine - but you do realize that this is a skewed way of thinking about intimacy with your spouse and that this is an internal issue that you need to deal with on WHY you don't feel loved without having sex with your wife?

Based on a few things that happened when I was younger - I also equated sex to love and it's probably the reason why I screwed around all the time when I was younger - if a guy wasn't having sex with me, then I didn't feel loved and cared for. And that is totally f**ked up as I found out later in life and I'm in counseling for that and other reasons to find out why I don't think I can be loved just for me and not what I offer or am willing to do.

This is probably exactly how you're making your wife feel - why can't I be loved for me - not what I'm willing to do in bed. You have devalued her as a woman and your wife and probably made her feel like just a vessel to satisfy your every desire. 

Yes, SEX is VERY IMPORTANT to a marriage, for most of us, but it appears, from your posts - that it is FIRST AND FOREMOST the ONLY IMPORTANT THING. And that is sad, because what are you missing that your wife is doing each and every day for you and your family - because you can only focus on ONE THING? Seriously, I do think you need counseling for your obssession about sex with your wife - based on your posts, it has become an obssession and is consuming your every thought - trust me, something wrong here YOU need to deal with.

One of these days I believe I'm going to wake up, log onto TAM and you will post a thread about something other than SEX.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

The problem is that we are not just simply animals.

BTW, have you seen how difficult it is to get laid for some animals?

I watched this PBS show on birds in New Guinea. The males would spend literally all their time waving feathers, smoothing out the perfect love nest, fighting off other males. And most of the time the females ignored them or chose others. Talk about a sexless relationship!

But I digress. People, being people, we are complex, emotional and smart. We think too much. And in our most irrational, we believe our thoughts have clarity.

Very frustrating.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

michzz said:


> The problem is that we are not just simply animals.
> 
> BTW, have you seen how difficult it is to get laid for some animals?.


:lol:


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> I have grown tired of reading post by woman and even men, just given up on sex pleasure and what it does for the heart of those needing it.


Where the heck have you been reading THAT? SA must have some particular talent in communication skill if you actual



> I don't understand why if you have a high sex drive and your spouse doesn't, you are basically fu...up!...


You WRITE English well enough to be understood. So this cannot be about language barrier or anything. Where do you perceive you were told this? Here on TAM? Is THAT what you think people have been saying to you?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Where the heck have you been reading THAT? SA must have some particular talent in communication skill if you actual


Hey now, what does this have to do with me ?? 

I agree for the most part of what everyone is saying to Marcopoly -- that ultimately he is going to have to come to "accept" his wife (change his mindset) for what she is able/willing to offer in verbal expressiveness & enthusiam in the bedroom, as small as it may seem to him. 

Or he might well consider separating, moving on, and find another who can share with such intensity. 

A high sex drive is only a blessing if you have a willing partner to share it with, otherwise it is a curse, and a very real threat to any marraige.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Hey now, what does this have to do with me ??


I totally just let that sentence go ... poooof... into the ether.

He mentioned that you had helped him in PM which I think is a wonderful thing! You MUST have some powers of communication!



> I agree for the most part of what everyone is saying to Marcopoly -- that ultimately he is going to have to come to "accept" his wife (change his mindset) for what she is able/willing to offer in verbal expressiveness & enthusiam in the bedroom, as small as it may seem to him.
> 
> Or he might well consider separating, moving on, and find another who can share with such intensity.
> 
> A high sex drive is only a blessing if you have a willing partner to share it with, otherwise it is a curse, and a very real threat to any marraige.


I have never understood HDs marrying LDs and they saying... HUH??!!!???!! Or vice versa. Makes no sense to me.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I have never understood HDs marrying LDs and they saying... HUH??!!!???!! Or vice versa. Makes no sense to me.


People change!

VT - I know how much you love generalizations, but men are hornier when they are younger. Women seem to peak as they get a bit more mature.

Almost like a bad joke God or Mother Nature has played on us. 

That - and putting the clit on the OUTSIDE and hiding it under a hood.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I totally just let that sentence go ... poooof... into the ether.
> 
> He mentioned that you had helped him in PM which I think is a wonderful thing! You MUST have some powers of communication!


Yes, I feel like he is getting beat up on here mercilessly at times, and I feel he needs to change his mindset somehow to acheive happiness, it is too dependent on her reactions,or should I say NON-reactions. 

I don't disagree with all of his wants & desires at all though- loved that list he had on his other thread! I live that list. I just can appreciate his struggle- with not getting this in return. I am not going to jump on him. He is using this forum to vent, instead of something that could be alot more destructive to his marraige.

I give him ALOT of credit for sticking it out, with all the many ups & downs, how difficult his past was with his very very ultra conservative wife -and remaining faithful. He loves her, and he is hell bent on remaining, so I think he deserves a little credit.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> People change!
> 
> VT - I know how much you love generalizations, but men are hornier when they are younger. Women seem to peak as they get a bit more mature.


Generalizations based on demonstrable BIOLOGY are no problem for me. 

That said, the disparity over the course of an entire marriage cannot be explained away by this. You marry someone then want them to be someone else? Why not marry someone else? 



> Almost like a bad joke God or Mother Nature has played on us.
> 
> That - and putting the clit on the OUTSIDE and hiding it under a hood.


I don't get that? It is too easy for us to access with our fingers? You know the hood moves out of the way. You CAN get to it. Thank goodness.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Yes, I feel like he is getting beat up on here mercilessly at times,


I don't understand this. I am often acused of not understanding hyper emotional people. People are trying to HELP him. 



> and I feel he needs to change his mindset somehow to acheive happiness, it is too dependent on her reactions,or should I say NON-reactions.


The funny thing is that changing his mindset can only benefit his marriage and even offers the highest likelihood of eventually actually achieving what he wants. It makes no sense to me to cling to things that have never worked. Isn't that what the definition of insanity is?



> I don't disagree with all of his wants & desires at all though- loved that list he had on his other thread!


Me neither. The thing I object to it the notion that he strongly implies that his wants and needs supersede hers.



> I live that list. I just can appreciate his struggle- with not getting this in return. I am not going to jump on him. He is using this forum to vent, instead of something that could be alot more destructive to his marraige.


I have never understood the value of the vent.



> I give him ALOT of credit for sticking it out, with all the many ups & downs, how difficult his past was with his very very ultra conservative wife -and remaining faithful. He loves her, and he is hell bent on remaining, so I think he deserves a little credit.


Me too.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Generalizations based on demonstrable BIOLOGY are no problem for me.
> 
> That said, the disparity over the course of an entire marriage cannot be explained away by this. You marry someone then want them to be someone else? Why not marry someone else?
> 
> ...


On a really windy day, you can often spot our "special area" through OUR PANTS. No need to move ANYTHING out of the way.

And yes - fingers work - but as for the things that go in and out - oh nevermind...


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

"Meet in the middle" is the operative phrase here.

It should never be about HD getting his/her way or LD getting his/her way.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> On a really windy day, you can often spot our "special area" through OUR PANTS. No need to move ANYTHING out of the way.


Viva la difference!



> And yes - fingers work - but as for the things that go in and out - oh nevermind...


I just cannot understand why you would object to the clit being on the outside! I like it there!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Viva la difference!
> 
> 
> 
> I just cannot understand why you would object to the clit being on the outside! I like it there!


Imagine if your clit was a bit larger and located just inside the opening - and actually got RUBBED BY A PENIS repeatedly during intercourse!!!

Seems like a design flaw to me!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> Imagine if your clit was a bit larger and located just inside the opening - and actually got RUBBED BY A PENIS repeatedly during intercourse!!!
> 
> Seems like a design flaw to me!


Ohhhhhhh because our pleasure is not directly related to the insertion of the penis into the vagina.... I have never seen it as a design flaw since it works well for me!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Ohhhhhhh because our pleasure is not directly related to the insertion of the penis into the vagina.... I have never seen it as a design flaw since it works well for me!


Glad to hear its working it for you!


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

Design flaw? LOL Hardly. Women have myriad ways of achieving an orgasm.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> Glad to hear its working it for you!


Works for DH too!  But I can achieve orgasm more easily than many women.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

VT - would you agree that, generally speaking, the sun is hot?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> works for dh too! :d but i can achieve orgasm more easily than many women.


me too!!!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> VT - would you agree that, generally speaking, the sun is hot?


LOL! No! Of course. And I don't even disagree that many gender stereotypes are true "in general". I just don't find them that useful when it comes to individual advice.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> LOL! No! Of course. And I don't even disagree that many gender stereotypes are true "in general". I just don't find them that useful when it comes to individual advice.


So - I said "is the sun hot" and YOU said "LOL! No!"

Thanks for proving my point!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> So - I said "is the sun hot" and YOU said "LOL! No!"


I was joking. Are we having a disagreement, and I did not get the memo?


> Thanks for proving my point!


What was your point? You have completely lost me.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I was joking. Are we having a disagreement, and I did not get the memo?
> 
> 
> What was your point? You have completely lost me.


My point was that you tend to disagree by default.

But I love you anyways!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> My point was that you tend to disagree by default.


If someone has already said something, why would I? You haven't even noticed my agreeing with many people? That is positively weird.


> But I love you anyways!


Likewise.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

A high drive is ONLY a blessing when your partner is on the same page, Otherwise IT is a curse. Sex in my marriage is very important to me. My husband on the other hand could care less. I have talked with him about it, written him letters about what the lack of sex is doing to me to us and to our marriage. He just shrugs it off like no big deal. I have given up. It is like beating your head against a brick wall. I have backed off entirely. 

What else can I do. Have an affair, tried that one, couldn't do it. I don't want anyone other then the man I married 13 years ago. What else can I do. I am unhappy, yes. The bond we once had is broken. The only other option is divorce, but i didn't marry him for sex. He is the man i still want to spend the rest of my life with, grow old with, watch our children grow up and have children of their own someday.

I have tried to meet my husband in the middle with once a week, he won't even do that much. Say hello to my little friend, Resentment!! And it does not matter what I do either. Wear sexy clothing, come on to him. Nothing really works!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

ladyybyrd said:


> A high drive is ONLY a blessing when your partner is on the same page, Otherwise IT is a curse. Sex in my marriage is very important to me. My husband on the other hand could care less. I have talked with him about it, written him letters about what the lack of sex is doing to me to us and to our marriage. He just shrugs it off like no big deal. I have given up. It is like beating your head against a brick wall. I have backed off entirely.
> 
> What else can I do. Have an affair, tried that one, couldn't do it. I don't want anyone other then the man I married 13 years ago. What else can I do. I am unhappy, yes. The bond we once had is broken. The only other option is divorce, but i didn't marry him for sex. He is the man i still want to spend the rest of my life with, grow old with, watch our children grow up and have children of their own someday.
> 
> I have tried to meet my husband in the middle with once a week, he won't even do that much. Say hello to my little friend, Resentment!! And it does not matter what I do either. Wear sexy clothing, come on to him. Nothing really works!


So - did something change at some point? Were your drives more compatible when you first married?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I am so sorry ladybyrd. That sounds terrible. I have not seen the posts with your own story. It sounds dreadful. I just wanted to convey that I understand how hard this must be for you.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> A high sex drive is only a blessing if you have a willing partner to share it with, otherwise it is a curse, and a very real threat to any marraige.


Agree!

Few people are willing to sacrifice for the pleasure of their spouses. 

This often puzzles me! 

I think it is difficult to find a couple whose sex drives just match perfectly, but if the one who has low sex drive can be more accommodating, he or she will make their marriages much more peaceful, less argument and resentment. They don't want to do it. Their mindset is like: I don't like it, I don't enjoy it, I don't want to do it. I don't care if you are suffering. Or you shouldn't feel you are suffering because I don't think like that. 

The one who has too many kinky ideas does need to back off a little bit!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think in some cases the LD partner just needs to allow themselves to be warmed up. This may seem like the HD partner has to do all of the work but that may eventually be worked out. The more consistently I have sex the more into it I get. 

My husband is HD and I am lower but not by much. We worked out that he would initiate by slowly warming me up. I tell him what I need to do that. After a very short time desire comes and then arousal and we have sex and I enjoy it as much as he does.

The problem is, my desire does not come as frequently as his does. This works for now but there are still problems. He would really wants me to initiate sometimes and to tell him about my fantasies. I am trying to work up the nerve. 

I know from reading post by men how important that is. Now that I know I am making more of an effort to make him happy in this way.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Man, Marco, I completely feel you and what you have said. I'm also a high drive (and higher drive) man. My luck is that she is a med to high drive (but lower than mine) gal. I feel the same as you do about this stuff and I really like your passion about sex. I'm not here to bash and I feel you might have been criticized harshly by some. However all are trying to help. 

What we are trying to say is that you should be less like a hammer and try to futily drive your opinion through. The pressure on her won't work. Try to be more like water. Accept changes, adapt and work your way around them. Sometimes a frontal assault will be halted by a wall that is always stronger, no matter how hard you try. 

Now, back to your topic. Yeah I agree, any HD spouse should be completely ok with himself and not try to change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> So - did something change at some point? Were your drives more compatible when you first married?


Yes they were about the same when we got married, his died mine however is higher now, then it was when we got married.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

Mike188-
She for the most part is unresponsive. She will occasionally tell me that she will try, but it doesn't seem to last.

Yup, i get this all the time too. good for a week or so and then back to normal.

but the lack of connection between my wife and I causes me a lot of pain and frustration and is really wearing me down. It's the number one problem in my life, by far.

Same here. I feel the connection I had with my husband is gone. I have told him this, but he just doesn't get it. What to I have to do to get it through his head. Nothing has worked, NOTHING. I have spilled my feeling on the table and nothing. He just doesn't seem to give a **** anymore. I think there is i way bigger picture then him just not being interested. I think he has been messing around with with someone else, to be honest. And he better hope to god that I never find out about it either.

If I ask for a hug or intimacy or anything physical, she will do the exact opposite and not want to.

My husband and I don't cuddle anymore. I want to he does not. He tells me "I am not really the snuggling type" Well he used to be.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I, personally, dealing with a similar issue don't believe I'm giving up.
> 
> I'm trying to work through the problem and not just throw in the towel. I'm trying to remember that I vowed to stand beside him "in sickness and in health," and "for better or for worse."
> 
> ...


No need to be analysed, my wife and I are doing fine and keep working at our issues....to me is not about how many times you have sex is about the attitude and worry you show about it and to the other one...is about understanding that sex can take youi to another level of intimacy if both are in the same page about what you are looking for in your life at this point. I understand your frustration, i only can imagine what you are going through and I hope you the best, yes, i have a very high sex drive, and yes, i have been like this since very young....but my wife has grown, turned 40 and is feeling much more confortable in ejoying sex and the sexual attraction we have....i am just too sensitive and passionate that is why i come across as sex being the only thing in my mind when actually my wife is the thing in my mind that stays with me all day....i just love her so much that i cant be with her unless i can express all my love to her and have her responding to me with the same.....i am learning to accept that not always things workout the way i would like, and that is my problem.....


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

michzz said:


> The problem is that we are not just simply animals.
> 
> BTW, have you seen how difficult it is to get laid for some animals?
> 
> ...


good point, but other animals have a lot of fun and are very deviance....


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> No need to be analysed, my wife and I are doing fine and keep working at our issues....to me is not about how many times you have sex is about the attitude and worry you show about it and to the other one...is about understanding that sex can take youi to another level of intimacy if both are in the same page about what you are looking for in your life at this point. I understand your frustration, i only can imagine what you are going through and I hope you the best, yes, i have a very high sex drive, and yes, i have been like this since very young....but my wife has grown, turned 40 and is feeling much more confortable in ejoying sex and the sexual attraction we have....i am just too sensitive and passionate that is why i come across as sex being the only thing in my mind when actually my wife is the thing in my mind that stays with me all day....i just love her so much that i cant be with her unless i can express all my love to her and have her responding to me with the same.....i am learning to accept that not always things workout the way i would like, and that is my problem.....


Glad to hear it, that you recognize that people can change and age/maturity has a lot to do with it. None of us (hopefully) are like we were when we were young (though keeping that glass half full philosophy would be great). We learn with age, experience and maturity and hopefully make better or more conscious choices where we consider "other" people and not just "ourselves."

I know that everything is a work in progress, believe me, I have more issues than I can count. Some my fault, some his fault, and some nobody's fault - bad things sometimes happen to good people. It's learning how to navigate those hard times, be true to who you are and come out better on the other end...something I think about and work at very hard each and every day. Just sometimes you wish you could get a break, huh?


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

reachingshore said:


> "Meet in the middle" is the operative phrase here.
> 
> It should never be about HD getting his/her way or LD getting his/her way.


THANKS FOR THIS.....why some women here are so naive...it just tiring....when you get married you cant possible know the sex drive, well in my case i knew it but my love for her was so much that at that moment, i didnt care if i have to beg for sex all the time.....my wife had a very low sex drive mostly triggered by the notion of sex not being important , talk about it and feedback from very ignorate parents (sorry about it my in laws have a great heart and love them but they are ignorat people and my wife knows it)....every time she complains about her father, is a complain against her as well since she can see herself in her father's doings....and this is helping her to change...plus my change in attitude also will help - and by the way, my wife and i have experience sex in ways that surpasses my expectations, the problem was that it happens very rarely...so now a days, is happening more often because she is understanding what it does to our relationship....so i am correcting myself so she feels safe.....i am doing my best....believe me...


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

reachingshore said:


> "Meet in the middle" is the operative phrase here.
> 
> It should never be about HD getting his/her way or LD getting his/her way.


I think one of the biggest issues that people cause in their marriage is seeking to get one's way. I think the best marriages are when each seeks to get the OTHER'S way. If marcopoly's wife were here, I would be telling her the importance of trying to open up... 

If marriage winds up being about getting one's way with regard to ANY issue, it is going to fail, in my opinion.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

ladyybyrd said:


> A high drive is ONLY a blessing when your partner is on the same page, Otherwise IT is a curse. Sex in my marriage is very important to me. My husband on the other hand could care less. I have talked with him about it, written him letters about what the lack of sex is doing to me to us and to our marriage. He just shrugs it off like no big deal. I have given up. It is like beating your head against a brick wall. I have backed off entirely.
> 
> What else can I do. Have an affair, tried that one, couldn't do it. I don't want anyone other then the man I married 13 years ago. What else can I do. I am unhappy, yes. The bond we once had is broken. The only other option is divorce, but i didn't marry him for sex. He is the man i still want to spend the rest of my life with, grow old with, watch our children grow up and have children of their own someday.
> 
> I have tried to meet my husband in the middle with once a week, he won't even do that much. Say hello to my little friend, Resentment!! And it does not matter what I do either. Wear sexy clothing, come on to him. Nothing really works!



DONT EVER GIVE UP!!!!! you'll be sorry someday when looking back and think all the emotions and feelings you did not get to experience.....you need to talk to him in a way that he answers you back....if a man dont want to have sex with the wife and nothing is wrong with him, he is no longer in love with her...i mean how can you??....you need to fight the good fight...dont give up....if i have given up, i would be very distant and recentful.....imagine what your life could be with a man showing passion for your body and trying to please you in so many ways to show you appreciation for your sexuality towards him...thats how my wife feels....and she is showing me that if i do my part, that the sky is the limit in what we can experience in our sex life together....the point though is to understand that things may not happen next week, but when you see your sex lfe as journey together, then you put things in perspective....just talk to him and letting him know that you just cant be happy with once a week....and that you need him to think about why he is like that...are you sure he is not maturbating?


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> agree!
> 
> Few people are willing to sacrifice for the pleasure of their spouses.
> 
> ...


thanks greenpearl is a good point.....is about learning to be more sexual and learning to enjoy sex more....and also backing off a bit.....but is about showing love to the other one


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> thanks greenpearl is a good point.....is about learning to be more sexual and learning to enjoy sex more....and also backing off a bit.....but is about showing love to the other one


Marco,

I want you to reach the goal, we want you to reach the goal. 

I really don't know what is going on in your relationship. 

All I can see is one day you are excited, then one day you are not. 

And I keep on saying here on TAM, sex is not about one person, sex is about the couple's pleasure. Both of you have to enjoy what you are doing. 

If what makes you excited makes her painful, then we can't blame her for not wanting to try again. 

My husband and I usually just have normal sex, I on top or he on top, cum, feel the physical intimacy. Sometimes I am just happy lying in his arms. 

We tried anal once, we haven't tried again, one day maybe I will muster up the courage and let him try again, but he won't feel that I don't love him just because I don't let him try anal again. We have never tried double penetration, I can handle two fingers in my asshooo, anything bigger than that I find it painful and nervous. My husband never feels he is lacking love just because of lacking this kind of excitement. 

The more he respects me, the more I want to fulfill his fantasy. The more he is concerned about my feeling and my pleasure, the more I want to make him happy. 

Sex is about two, love is about two. In a marriage, a lot is about two!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I have never understood the value of the vent.


 Maybe "Venting" wasn't the best term to use. It generally means letting off steam in a negative manner. 
Urban dictionary's 2nd meaning here Urban Dictionary: venting I guess what I really meant was "Sharing/ Expressing", trying to find understanding -even if on an Anonymous forum such as this. 


Many years ago, I volunteered for an 24 hr hotline where people could call "just to talk"- some were on the verge of suicide, you never knew what dire story was on the other end of that line or how your words could affect that person. I learned something very very valuable in the classes we took BEFORE I was allowed to answer these calls. >>> People often do NOT want others advice, at least not initially, they deeply NEED to 1st feel "heard", understood -even in their flaws & anger, their feelings acknowledged along the way. 

Once this is felt by the "venter/sharer", he is generally more RECEPTIVE to a little constructive criticism, chances are he will even give himself some-as his heart suddenly feels lighter. 

Some go to Confession, some pray to a higher power, some use punching bags, some write letters-whether they send or burn, some use a journal, some explode because they held it in too long, some stuff & hide & resentment builds, and some use Online forums to gain new insight from others experiences. 

Marcopoly, I hope you will be on your way to some emotional Healing.  The Definition of Emotional Wellness | Seeking and Finding Wholeness


When emotions are managed by the heart, they heighten your awareness of the world around you and add sparkle to life. The result is new intelligence and a new view of life."~~~_Doc Childre and Howard Martin
_


"Learning to be aware of feelings, how they arise and how to use them creatively so they guide us to happiness, is an essential lifetime skill."~~~_Joan Borysenko_


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> I think in some cases the LD partner just needs to allow themselves to be warmed up. This may seem like the HD partner has to do all of the work but that may eventually be worked out. The more consistently I have sex the more into it I get.
> 
> My husband is HD and I am lower but not by much. We worked out that he would initiate by slowly warming me up. I tell him what I need to do that. After a very short time desire comes and then arousal and we have sex and I enjoy it as much as he does.
> 
> ...


I like this attitude....Cat this is a very good point and shows maturity and work in realizing how you can do things that will help you bridging the gap between the LD and HD....this is what is all about.... embracing your HD sexual power and not making them feel like perverts.....because we are not....


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

Draguna said:


> Man, Marco, I completely feel you and what you have said. I'm also a high drive (and higher drive) man. My luck is that she is a med to high drive (but lower than mine) gal. I feel the same as you do about this stuff and I really like your passion about sex. I'm not here to bash and I feel you might have been criticized harshly by some. However all are trying to help.
> 
> What we are trying to say is that you should be less like a hammer and try to futily drive your opinion through. The pressure on her won't work. Try to be more like water. Accept changes, adapt and work your way around them. Sometimes a frontal assault will be halted by a wall that is always stronger, no matter how hard you try.
> 
> ...


AMEN FOR THAT!.....is about compremising....the HD person if given from time to time what they are craving for, then they can back off and let the LD breath and feel loved, but then again, the LD has to work in giving the HD from time to time reason to be alive....


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

Has anybody of you HDs tried changing tack? Instead of harping to the LDs how sex is important in a relationship and that's why they should go for it.. ask them _why would they deny themselves the pleasure_ (assuming that once they do have sex, they climax)?

I guess this particular attempt to changing a mindset is more applicable to those LDs who are women.

What I am trying to say is make it about them the LDs, not about you the HDs or the relationship.

After all I will not deny myself a box of ice-cream, something I find pleasure in eating, just because "it's bad for you"


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Marco,
> 
> I want you to reach the goal, we want you to reach the goal.
> 
> ...


Got it and I agree with all you said....to me, i guess is more verbal affirmation that she loves me when i touch her, that she loves me when i try to please her...i mean it goes beyond the bedroom....this morning for example, i woke up and say 20 minutes left before we get up and just started to kissing her, neck, back, arms, legs, feed, etc....i touch her there two and she got wet, but not sex...it was just teasing time and a lot of kissing her on her face, eyes, lips, i bite her top back like a cat, and she responded with sounds of a woman / girl enjoying the affection - to me this is also amazingly satisfying...so am i a sex pervert?...maybe but can you really punish me for being this passionate about my gal?


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Maybe "Venting" wasn't the best term to use. It generally means letting off steam in a negative manner.
> Urban dictionary's 2nd meaning here Urban Dictionary: venting I guess what I really meant was "Sharing/ Expressing", trying to find understanding -even if on an Anonymous forum such as this.
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks to TAM, to you and my wife, i am on my way there...it is not easy..but i cant go back to have another breakdown...i cant sleep, work or think.....last time i felt like this, i lost 5 pounds in a week....and i was eating....but i see the light....we (my wife and i) are a team...and we know it....when we play together, we are unstoppable...we fix the house, get the children healty and doing great in school, the house is always cleaned and everything else work like a charm.....so, we need to find a way to fix this problem and i think we got a turning point the other day when i realized that she can rock my world even more than i thought but it depends on how she feels and how horny she is...so, if i make sure i am a good husband and father and friend.....(dont have to say better lover since i think i am a great lover - really!..no kidding, do yoga, lifts weigths, do cardio 4 oto 5 times a week and she does too) so, our sessions can become really something very but very hot to the eye...; anyways, my point being, i have to make sure i dont screw up again...and if i feel down, i will my friend here....


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Today you are optimistic, 

I just hope you keep this mood. 

Be more stable!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

marcopoly69 said:


> to me this is also amazingly satisfying...so am i a sex pervert?...maybe but can you really punish me for being this passionate about my gal?


 I think she is very very blessed. If she lost you, she would surely be missing all of that passion she has woken up for all of these years. It is not a stretch for some of us to be "spoiled" terribly and not even realize it -until it is gone. I really believe that. SOME women, not all, would kill for all that pleasurable intimate attention. ha ha I know I love it & crave it.

I tell my husband, it would likely take 5 men to feel his shoes in the affection department (of coarse 1 Marcopoly might be adequate!). It is great to be on the receiving end of such spoiling!! But it is kinda a damper for the spoiler if they feel it is not appreciated in all it's fullness. Still doesn't mean she doesn't though, she is just the more quiet type.

Her wetness speaks her enjoyment.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

reachingshore said:


> Has anybody of you HDs tried changing tack? Instead of harping to the LDs how sex is important in a relationship and that's why they should go for it.. ask them _why would they deny themselves the pleasure_ (assuming that once they do have sex, they climax)?
> 
> I guess this particular attempt to changing a mindset is more applicable to those LDs who are women.
> 
> ...


interesting point...i guess, the LD likes sex and have orgasm...is only that they dont think about it afterwards, and the not thinking about it is what hurts the most....because when you think about how to help to make a sex experience with you partner exciting and loving, i.e., buying lingerie, show enthusiams, kissing you passionatly, etc...is when the HD really feel connected because the HD is always thinking about this things because he / she really believe in the power of great and abundant sex to connect with the other person in a level of intimacy and love that no other form can.....NOT OTHER FORM CAN...


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Today you are optimistic,
> 
> I just hope you keep this mood.
> 
> Be more stable!


ME TOO......one thing though that is happening with my wife that did not happen before is that every time i tell her something nice, she answers me back with something nice....is a very good technique and keeps making me smile...since i know she feels for me this way, the thing was that before she did not say anything...now she is doing it all the time....makes me feel good....is happening, my friend, lover, mother of my children, beautiful woman, is working in our relationship, in the verbal communication department....yesterday was funny, every time i told her how she made me feel, she answers me back with I feel the same way about you love.....WOW!....every one has the power to help the HD to find peace and in the process to feel close to the love of your life, when the LD does even a small thing for the HD, this, just cant be more greatfull....


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think she is very very blessed. If she lost you, she would surely be missing all of that passion she has woken up for all of these years. It is not a stretch for some of us to be "spoiled" terribly and not even realize it -until it is gone. I really believe that. SOME women, not all, would kill for all that pleasurable intimate attention. ha ha I know I love it & crave it.
> 
> I tell my husband, it would likely take 5 men to feel his shoes in the affection department (of coarse 1 Marcopoly might be adequate!). It is great to be on the receiving end of such spoiling!! But it is kinda a damper for the spoiler if they feel it is not appreciated in all it's fullness. Still doesn't mean she doesn't though, she is just the more quiet type.
> 
> Her wetness speaks her enjoyment.


Thanks SA....she is being more receptive...when kissing her and touching her with love and passion, she was making sounds of enjoyment, not sexual but of someone being spoiled she started to stretch like a cat letting me kiss her breasts, under arms, elbows, shoulders, neck, lips, tip of her nose, eyes, ears, back, once i got up, came back and kiss her feed, legs, more eyes, face...and look at her eyes and told her MY GOD I LOVE YOU WOMAN....I love feeling this way, is like i just fell in love with my wife...tonight she has some special for me...i am nervous....i wont, however, go back to my old ways...that i promise here...if i am down, i will talk to my friends here to seek advise, but after feeling my wife happy and content with my affection, she deserves a better man...a better me....


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> interesting point...i guess, the LD likes sex and have orgasm...is only that they dont think about it afterwards, and the not thinking about it is what hurts the most....because when you think about how to help to make a sex experience with you partner exciting and loving, i.e., buying lingerie, show enthusiams, kissing you passionatly, etc...is when the HD really feel connected because the HD is always thinking about this things because he / she really believe in the power of great and abundant sex to connect with the other person in a level of intimacy and love that no other form can.....NOT OTHER FORM CAN...


I am a HD, so I may be off the mark here. I imagine that if I was an LD and was told that I should do it more often because it's important in a relationship.. I would think of sex as a chore/obligation/something I should do to please another.

The objective for an HD would be, I should think, for their LD partner to genuinely want sex. 

If I don't find my own pleasure in sex, why would I want it? If I do find my own pleasure in sex, why on earth would I not want it for myself more often?

Try making it into something that is about an LD and for LD alone. It's not about pressure/guilt or placing blame on the LD. It's about making the LD realize it's unreasonable for them to refuse themselves their own pleasure. 

Instead of her thinking "I should do this for him, for my marriage", make her think "Why should I deny myself the pleasure, for myself?". It is, in essence, a brainwash. Can't one say the same about religion/upbringing that quite often cause one's inhibitions in their sex life?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

reachingshore said:


> I am a HD, so I may be off the mark here. I imagine that if I was an LD and was told that I should do it more often because it's important in a relationship.. I would think of sex as a chore/obligation/something I should do to please another.
> 
> The objective for an HD would be, I should think, for their LD partner to genuinely want sex.
> 
> ...


my LD wife experiences extreme pleasure when we have sex, including alot of foreplay and her oragsming several times, to the point she pushes me back after awhile. we still only have sex 2-3 times a month. maybe i should leave her wanting more


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

THE reponses here are great, fast becoming my fav thread here on TAM. Marco, really, your passion for your wife can be felt here. You are just like I am (or vice versa as you are older). What you describe and how you feel when she enjoys your company resonates perfectly with me. 

So, keep the current mindset you have an you will be happier with her while she opens up. I'm rooting for you. And happy to see people here helping you out and that you took their advice to heart. 

P.S. Random question, are you a Cancer/Pisces sign?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

I've read a lot of your posts Marco and it sounds like you have some sort of sexual addiction. Always "chasing the dragon" as they say. One of these days you are going to have to learn to be happy with what you've got. That is the only way you can catch that dragon!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife closed up shop as it were around 1993. So what's that, 17-18 years. Zero, zilch. No sex no touching no hugs no kisses no thank you. It was terrible at first, not that we had much of a sex life before that, but there was always hope. In any case the first few years were pretty tough but then one day I discovered it was actually liberating. I never have to worry or care about being aroused again. I never have worry about it at all. Or take time out for it or worry about whether all the plumbing works or being turned down or even having bad sex or any of the emotions that come with it. I am in a zen state of complete indifference.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

HelloooNurse said:


> I've read a lot of your posts Marco and it sounds like you have some sort of sexual addiction. Always "chasing the dragon" as they say. One of these days you are going to have to learn to be happy with what you've got. That is the only way you can catch that dragon!


I just want to say, you probably didn't catch his whole story- his past story, he stuffed that dragon down for many many years. It wasn't easy but he loved HER enough to stay and suffer -- most sex was by rosey palm, not even being able to touch is own wife's breasts, etc. 

Maybe it is Marco's Mid Life crisis, realizing he is getting older and feeling he will no longer deny who he is - a good lover & start showing this to his wife with all it's energy & until now unreleashed passion. 

If it was a true sex addiction, he probably would have long given up on pursuing her & found some other willing female participants. He has kept it all faithfully at home. I give him high kudoos for that. :smthumbup:


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

marcopoly69 said:


> DONT EVER GIVE UP!!!!! you'll be sorry someday when looking back and think all the emotions and feelings you did not get to experience.....you need to talk to him in a way that he answers you back....if a man dont want to have sex with the wife and nothing is wrong with him, he is no longer in love with her...i mean how can you??....you need to fight the good fight...dont give up....if i have given up, i would be very distant and recentful.....imagine what your life could be with a man showing passion for your body and trying to please you in so many ways to show you appreciation for your sexuality towards him...thats how my wife feels....and she is showing me that if i do my part, that the sky is the limit in what we can experience in our sex life together....the point though is to understand that things may not happen next week, but when you see your sex lfe as journey together, then you put things in perspective....just talk to him and letting him know that you just cant be happy with once a week....and that you need him to think about why he is like that...are you sure he is not maturbating?


I am sad to say that I have given up. He just won't listen. He says "we will work on it" never happens. He knows how i feel about the subject, yet nothing ever changes. I used to do everything for him, I don't so much anymore. Nothing I do for him his ever returned. And when i ask him for like a back rub he gets pissy. I really don't know what to do anymore. How long can you tell someone something and them not listen you you or meet you in the middle.? 

The last time "we" talked about this, a few months ago. he started yelling at me, saying that there is something "wrong" with me." I was up all night crying. I am getting to a point when i no longer what to have sex with him.

I am pretty sure that he is not masturbating


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He's the chick. It's annoying.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I just want to say, you probably didn't catch his whole story- his past story, he stuffed that dragon down for many many years. It wasn't easy but he loved HER enough to stay and suffer -- most sex was by rosey palm, not even being able to touch is own wife's breasts, etc.
> 
> Maybe it is Marco's Mid Life crisis, realizing he is getting older and feeling he will no longer deny who he is - a good lover & start showing this to his wife with all it's energy & until now unreleashed passion.
> 
> If it was a true sex addiction, he probably would have long given up on pursuing her & found some other willing female participants. He has kept it all faithfully at home. I give him high kudoos for that. :smthumbup:


Well said SA, it is truth, before I accepted what we had, but was the middle age crisis together with my feeling sexy again and stability, that I just couldn't longer leave deprive from being really happy and guess what, it is working...finally it is working, we are finding a comprimise, where I giver her space and she really worries now about me and how i feel loved.....let me tell this much, life can be wonderful when you reach a level of understanding and friendship that only make your love and committment to each other stronger....


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

ladyybyrd said:


> I am sad to say that I have given up. He just won't listen. He says "we will work on it" never happens. He knows how i feel about the subject, yet nothing ever changes. I used to do everything for him, I don't so much anymore. Nothing I do for him his ever returned. And when i ask him for like a back rub he gets pissy. I really don't know what to do anymore. How long can you tell someone something and them not listen you you or meet you in the middle.?
> 
> The last time "we" talked about this, a few months ago. he started yelling at me, saying that there is something "wrong" with me." I was up all night crying. I am getting to a point when i no longer what to have sex with him.
> 
> I am pretty sure that he is not masturbating



Well, if he is not ready to be your husband, then you need to do something drastic about it....if you are to stay with him and he is not interested in you, I don't see how you can be husband and wife....why don't you tell him that if it would be okay for you to have a love partner but still be his wife, see what he says and if he loses it, then you tell him that is going to happen sooner than later, and if you (ladybird) dont do anything to find a way to be yourself and enjoy the only life you have, someday, you wont be able to look at your husband in the face, so if you have children you have to keep fighting, make him understand that it hurts you so much that you rather divorce him.....if you can't leave without him, then make a rational decision about staying with him but never be able to be the human that you were suppose to be....but have to be a decision run by a therapiest since you need to understand that someday, you probably will hate this man if he never show you passion again....without passion a very important part of your being human is missing....


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