# help! my husband dosn't sleep in the same bed anymore :(



## kinkyjo2002 (Nov 12, 2012)

hi all i'm at my wit's end!
my husband sleep's in the back bedroom , he come's to bed after me and say's i was being horrible (in my sleep?) i used to drink quite heavily but now i have quit completly, i allso grind my teeth in my sleep (but the dentist has given me a gum shield) and talk etc he always makes excuses "i don't want to wake you when i get up at 5am..." "you were snoring so i just went in other bed..." "i couldn't get in the bed cos you were sprawled..." etc in one way i quite enjoy having the bed to myself and i do wake up at the slitest little noice, and have been known to be grumpy if this happens.
He still enjoys a drink on a night, and he always snores are keeps me awake if were in the same bed  i have been known to let my daughter (who is 8) in my bed, but she's had her bedroom done out and rarely come's in now. We still have sex but he has a higher sex drive than me, once a week is fine.
I just don't feel close to him anymore, and i don't know how to bring the subject up because he works all day and he's usually tired on a night 
help!


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

Well if you've had a child in your marriage bed for 8 years that would be a huge intimacy barrier to me. Is him not coming to bed a new thing? Or recent? 

If you can't talk to him, how are you supposed to know his reasoning? 

One problem I can relate to is the going to bed at different times, what is keeping him up so late if he has to get up at 5am? 

If the bed is too small or uncomfortable go bed shopping. Either of you drinking late at night or being exhausted will increase snoring. Too much mental stimulus right before bedtime like TV or internet or caffeine will make it harder to rest.


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## kinkyjo2002 (Nov 12, 2012)

this is a relitivly new thing, he used to work nights and now he's on days! 
i dont know whats keeping him up most nights, sometimes he go's to bed before me , he just likes to unwind from work i guess , but neither of us have a problem with getting to sleep, its just he go's automaticly into back bedroom - new bed new mattress ??!!


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

You need to find out what is going on. After my back surgery, I slept in a different room in a different bed that my dear sweet hubby set up for me so,I would be comfortable. Being in the hospital for surgery was the first time we had not slept together in the same bed in 4 years ( first time we had been apart for any length of time at all). That was the beginning of the end. Now years later he goes to bed way before me and hogs the bed. I didn't want to disturb him because he does provide for the family. In hind sight I wish I would have just stayed in the same bed with him when I came home from the hospital. Now we're in a habit that is really hard to break.

Cheers


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## kinkyjo2002 (Nov 12, 2012)

oh i'm sorry tango, sounds like you are having a tough time too !


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I never recovered from surgery of my spine in my neck. I sleep all over the house carrying my two pillows where ever I go.. I'm up every 1-2 hours either getting up or changing positions/sleeping areas. I do start out in our bed, but I'm out 1-2 hours later. This has not effected our intimacy since we spend great quality time together nightly/daily without interruption from the kids. 

Our bed is too big for one person to hog, he'd have to sleep diagonal to get in my way.lol We have a sleep number bed, so his side is different then mine.

I guess this is something we are use to. Luckily it doesn't effect our marriage one bit.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I'd be really concerned if i were you... this can be part of a big disconnect.
Unless this is happily agreed by both of you it's not going to work well, i know I'd hate to sleep alone every night.

Have you simply said " please come and sleep with me... I miss your body next to me at night" ??

What is he doing when he is up late? TV or computer? Have you looked at the PC history? Who does he work with?

What is he like at other times? Normal/happy/irritable?

Seeing as this is new behavior I would be quietly looking around at his life to see what ELSE has changed. 

One note... if he is HD he is not going to be "OK" with once a week sex. HD people want sex every day or most days. What do you believe he does with all that extra sexual energy ?


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## kinkyjo2002 (Nov 12, 2012)

well i got a text off hubby while he was at work saying he loved me, so i text him back and asked him to sleep with me last night, and we did and i had a great nights sleep!! hope this keeps up!!


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

kinkyjo2002 said:


> hi all i'm at my wit's end!
> my husband sleep's in the back bedroom , he come's to bed after me and say's i was being horrible (in my sleep?) i used to drink quite heavily but now i have quit completly, i allso grind my teeth in my sleep (but the dentist has given me a gum shield) and talk etc he always makes excuses "i don't want to wake you when i get up at 5am..." "you were snoring so i just went in other bed..." "i couldn't get in the bed cos you were sprawled..." etc in one way i quite enjoy having the bed to myself and i do wake up at the slitest little noice, and have been known to be grumpy if this happens.
> He still enjoys a drink on a night, and he always snores are keeps me awake if were in the same bed  i have been known to let my daughter (who is 8) in my bed, but she's had her bedroom done out and rarely come's in now. We still have sex but he has a higher sex drive than me, once a week is fine.
> I just don't feel close to him anymore, and i don't know how to bring the subject up because he works all day and he's usually tired on a night
> help!


If it makes you feel better me and my husband always sleep in seperate rooms. I cant fall asleep because he snores really loud and refuses to sleep with the sleep apnea machine.So I sleep in the bedroom with the door closed and he sleeps in the man cave.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Let just be point blank,he has a high sex drive and you don't so he is laying next to you with a hard on thinking about having sex and knows you want no part of it, he might just feel it easier to just not be around you when he knows he wants sex.A lot of us men put sex and closeness together so you are taking away some of his closeness and he is taking away how you feel close.


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## kinkyjo2002 (Nov 12, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> Let just be point blank,he has a high sex drive and you don't so he is laying next to you with a hard on thinking about having sex and knows you want no part of it, he might just feel it easier to just not be around you when he knows he wants sex.A lot of us men put sex and closeness together so you are taking away some of his closeness and he is taking away how you feel close.


yeh sometimes this is the case , and your right maybe he has got the hint to back off with me with regards to sex, but we still have sex just not at night !!!


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

kinkyjo2002 said:


> yeh sometimes this is the case , and your right maybe he has got the hint to back off with me with regards to sex, but we still have sex just not at night !!!


You should be having sex at night. "The marriage bed" is a euphemism for having sex. It's not supposed to be a place where a husband and a wife lie unconscious next to each other and nothing else happens. Is it really that important to have your husband unconscious next to you as opposed to being unconscious in the next room?

Try an experiment. You say you've been having weekly sex. So, for the next two months, double that (or more). Have your normal, weekly daytime sex. But, also have sex once or twice at night in your bed. See if your husband doesn't spend a lot more nights in bed with you.

As a man, I can say that, if sex is ruled out, then I have a lot less motivation for being intimate with my wife in bed. If sex is a possibility, not necessarily a given, I will spend a lot more time with the cuddling and the spooning.


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## suesmith (Jan 5, 2012)

My husband and I havent slept in the same room for about 5 years now. It had nothing to do with intimacy. I was going through menopause and would get hot flashes all night, tossing covers on and off all night. I also HAD to have a fan blowing directly on me all night long because of the hot flashes. If the fan was on him, he woke up with a stuffy head. He also snored. 

We both realized we needed good rest at night so we could be awake for work the next day. Neither of us ever got a good nights sleep when we slept in the same bad. 

We would often go to bed together for awhile just to get in some snuggle time, but when it came time to sleep... he went to his room and I went to mine. However..... we did know where to find each other, and that route was well used. 

We are currently separated and working things out, but we have already agreed that separate bedrooms is a must for us!


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