# Is my girlfriend that busy



## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Hi.. Been dating my girlfriend for a few months now..things are going great for most part...she has 2 boys one that is 17 and one that is 13. I have a daughter but away at school..
My girlfriend met my family this last weekend for first time..went really good.. My frustration is this....lately she does this thing were she doesn't answer her phone or respond to text messages ..in last 3days I've talk to her maybe 3 times for a few mins..I know she has been extra busy at work this week and yes she is busy with her 2sons..obviously for myself I do have more free time.. I work a lot of hours and don't have kids at home to attend too...I think my issue is no matter how busy I ever was or if I had 10kids to attend to,I would still respond to texts or the phone ...am I just being too sensitive and not understand enough??? She has mentioned to me a couple times that she doesn't think I know how busy she is at times.. I guess I just miss her a lot and we see each other on weekends only....and plus I notice that she stresses a lot about things,and kinda becomes more withdrawn sometimes...thanks for your input ...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Have you asked her what is going on? Told her that it is bothering you?


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Have you asked her what is going on? Told her that it is bothering you?


I have in the past....she has suffered from anxiety and depression before....so sure that plays a part a little bit....last time I brought it up she said that u have a lot more free time and less responsibilities than she does...which is true I guess..I wonder sometimes if I'm making a bigger deal out of it than I should...when I've brought up to her in past she acts like I'm nuts for freaking out about it. Then I'm thinking well we did spend part of last weekend together too..it has stressed her out in past when I give her crap about it'and she kinda pushes away a little


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Is she into you? Are you FWB?


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> Is she into you? Are you FWB?


She is totally into me without a doubt..tells me she loves me etc.....not even any question about cheating or anything like that....sorry what is FWB?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I think she wants a more casual relationship than you do.

FWB - Friends With Benefits


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

A Bit Much said:


> I think she wants a more casual relationship than you do.
> ok Def not FWB....I'm sure to someone on the outside looking in it may appear as though she wants casual relationship..crazy as it sounds already though. .we have talked about getting married eventually. .we are hanging out this weekend again...dunno...it's obviously frustrating for me at times when she is distant. But again when we're together it's totally diff..she is affectionate etc
> 
> FWB - Friends With Benefits


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Talking about marriage is just that. Talk. 'Maybe someday we can...'

It's good to talk about what one wishes for the future. Measure that to what is really happening and how much time a couple would need to spend together to move toward that and what you are actually doing with her. She's controlling the pace. You can stay with it and accept it's all she's got for you... weekend love and a few calls or texts in between, or you can choose to pull back and see just how serious this 'talk' really is. She'll chase you if it is.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

No she's not that busy.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

lenzi said:


> No she's not that busy.


She just has bad days sometimes. .she deals with her depression and crap..she was off her meds and That was a disaster. .she was really withdrawn, moody etc...couple weeks now she's been back on medicine....anyways I think that could be a factor her too..but I agree with ya...If u truly love someone etc, you'll make the time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I think you should consider getting busier and not focusing so much on her and the relationship. She obviously has enough going on in her life to keep her from checking in with you more often.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

A Bit Much said:


> Talking about marriage is just that. Talk. 'Maybe someday we can...'
> 
> It's good to talk about what one wishes for the future. Measure that to what is really happening and how much time a couple would need to spend together to move toward that and what you are actually doing with her. She's controlling the pace. You can stay with it and accept it's all she's got for you... weekend love and a few calls or texts in between, or you can choose to pull back and see just how serious this 'talk' really is. She'll chase you if it is.


I agree with you. .I've thought about pulling back more..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

It's a good feeling when someone you love and care about misses you and shows you they do. 

If you have already addressed this with her, have made it clear to her you want more time and attention, then all you have left is to change how you deal with not getting your need met. Pulling back will tell you a lot.

BTW this may have to include you being too busy for a weekend visit.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I have found in the past that the minute you pull back and you focus on yourself and not on her she will suddenly feel that you are not pursuing her...and she will start calling you and texting...test it out you have nothing to lose...and when she ask you why you are being so remote, tell her that you understand that she has a lot on her plate and you were giving her space, but at NO TIME do you just sulk at home waiting for her call or text....start a new hobby or do something fun....this may be a power play on her part, and help define the relationship going forward....the question you have to ask yourself is where do i want to be in this relationship, everyone wants a 50/50 relationship but that almost never happens, someone is more invested in the relationship than the other....which are you and is that what you want?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

If you love someone, you MAKE time.

Since you already made contact few times with no response. I would recommend to wait a day or 2 and make ONE more contact, ONE ONLY.

If she doesn't pick up the phone just leave a message and say something along the line of "Hi, haven't heard back from you for few days. Wondering how you are doing and if you would like to get together sometime"

Leave it at that, no more contact until she contacts you.....even if it's MONTHS.

If you don't hear back in a week or 2, this means she lost it for you and you need to move on. I would probably call her and tell her that you are over in 2 weeks as well (just so she knows/you are clear). And when you do this, you have to accept this fact and move on, that means in the future, if she contacts you, you ignore her/block her completely. It's done.

Whatever you do, don't keep calling her. That comes off desperate and is a big turn off. Do you 50% share in the relationship and allow her to do 50%, clearly she is NOT doing that right now.

good luck


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

englem007 said:


> My frustration is this....lately she does this thing were she doesn't answer her phone or respond to text messages ..in last 3days I've talk to her maybe 3 times for a few mins.


So, you've talked to your girlfriend - a working mother to two teen boys - three times in three days but are irritated that she's not answering your calls or replying to your texts. How often are you calling/texting?


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Rowan said:


> So, you've talked to your girlfriend - a working mother to two teen boys - three times in three days but are irritated that she's not answering your calls or replying to your texts. How often are you calling/texting?


in the beginning in use to text n call alot.but after realizing how busy she is I backed off..she usually calls me in the morning and maybe once in afternoon after she gets off work. .she was texting periodically, but lately not responding back at all.we do email some back and forth while she is at work..I'm not a selfish person, I don't get mad cuz she doesn't respond. .i guess I'm just different. .i don't stress easily and can juggle many different things at once..just puzzles me that fewdays really didn't communicate at all. Be honest here, am I just being a stupid ***** here? I'm prolly making a big deal out of nothing?
If I called her right now and said why don't u answer your phone or respond to texts etc...she prolly think I'm crazy and a spaz....I haven't been in a lot do relationships since my divorce which finalizes soon.so maybe this is somewhat normal then ..I'm not a freak and wait by the phone every second...just seems weird to me that's all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

englem007 said:


> Hi.. Been dating my girlfriend for a few months now..things are going great for most part...she has 2 boys one that is 17 and one that is 13. I have a daughter but away at school..
> My girlfriend met my family this last weekend for first time..went really good.. My frustration is this....lately she does this thing were she doesn't answer her phone or respond to text messages ..in last 3days I've talk to her maybe 3 times for a few mins..I know she has been extra busy at work this week and yes she is busy with her 2sons..obviously for myself I do have more free time.. I work a lot of hours and don't have kids at home to attend too...I think my issue is no matter how busy I ever was or if I had 10kids to attend to,I would still respond to texts or the phone ...am I just being too sensitive and not understand enough??? She has mentioned to me a couple times that she doesn't think I know how busy she is at times.. I guess I just miss her a lot and we see each other on weekends only....and plus I notice that she stresses a lot about things,and kinda becomes more withdrawn sometimes...thanks for your input ...


I am not sure you will like my answer but here it goes: when a woman is very interested in a man she can have 10 houses, 10 jobs and 10 kids she will always find time for him.
Is what I do. And whenever I do not have time I always have time to answer the phone if it interest me, to send a text message to somebody I think about. 
I am not saying I have the absolute truth however you have to invite her to a nice something - dinner, coffee, drinks - and talk from an assertive position - as in honey I know that & this however I feel that...or I am wish you would do...etc.

Hopes it helps


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

You are smothering her

Give her a chance to miss you

Followng her around like a puppy dog (per se) will turn her off

Get a hobby - or do some work on your house - or call your kid and see what's up with them

Play some sports with your buddies


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

edgya1234 said:


> I am not sure you will like my answer but here it goes: when a woman is very interested in a man she can have 10 houses, 10 jobs and 10 kids she will always find time for him.
> Is what I do. And whenever I do not have time I always have time to answer the phone if it interest me, to send a text message to somebody I think about.
> I am not saying I have the absolute truth however you have to invite her to a nice something - dinner, coffee, drinks - and talk from an assertive position - as in honey I know that & this however I feel that...or I am wish you would do...etc.
> I hear ya and do agree with you...I'm not trying to defend her, but she doesn't do this all the time. .I'd say just maybe last 5 days..i am going to talk with her about it..
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Unique Username said:


> You are smothering her
> 
> Give her a chance to miss you
> 
> ...


you really think I'm smothering her?, I only see her maybe even 7 days..If I am smothering her I need to here it..I've backed off alot..maybe need to little more? Thanks for your input. .i Def need some outside perspective on this..appreciate it 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Give her a chance to miss you

occupy your time with other things

She calls you in morning and afternoon - that's good

she is busy with work and 2 kids...and you specifically said busier than usual this week.

SO - if you like her, then follow her lead - give it a rest.

GIVE HER TIME TO actually MISS YOU


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I'm with Unique on this! 

You've been dating a 'few months'. You talk to her 3 times in 3 days; that's an average of once/day. Considering she *is* busy as you've admitted, I'm guessing that you're smothering her!

If it was me, I would NOT want to talk to a guy at length every single day! After all, there isn't something "talk-worthy" that happens every day. Talking just to be talking can be irritating, especially when you're thinking of all the other stuff that isn't getting done because you're chatting about nothing.

I'd scale back to 2-3 times a week for a REASONABLE amount of time (10-30 minutes...depending on the situation) and the rest of the time leave her alone.

Just this woman's 2-cents' worth!

Best of luck to you both in your new relationship!


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Unique Username said:


> Give her a chance to miss you
> 
> occupy your time with other things
> 
> ...


Ok got it, needed to her that! I kinda caught myself the other day I realized I text her 6 diff times throughout day, was thinking crap that's excessive. ..Thank you I'll back off and actually let her miss me more..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

englem007 said:


> Ok got it, needed to her that! I kinda caught myself the other day I realized I text her 6 diff times throughout day, was thinking crap that's excessive. ..Thank you I'll back off and actually let her miss me more..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Meanwhile, be prepared to be disappointed...


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

DoF said:


> Meanwhile, be prepared to be disappointed...


why do u think I'm going to be disappointed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

If you are engaging yourself and you have your own activities

and things to fill your time

It won't matter - you are living your life dude

Get a puppy, go out with friends, get a hobby, learn a new sport or something

Happiness is found from within 

If you have no specific agreement about exclusivity

then date other women too

Anyway - work on you and call her & text her less 

GIVE HER A CHANCE TO MISS YOU

If she is giving you the brush off, well doing those things I suggested will have you not that worried about it anyway 

BECAUSE YOU ARE LIVING YOUR LIFE


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Personally I believe we all make time for the things that are important to us....

I like the saying...' if you want something done ask a busy person'.

If she was really really into you... she'd find the time... IMO.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My rule of thumb as a single working mom responsible for two kids is that me, my family and my income generation come first. The guy comes after all that. That's just the way it needs to be.

My experience with single men without kids is that they are free to earn their income and manage their schedules as they please, without having to worry a lot of risk management (i.e. a kid getting sick, needing to grocery shop around the kids' schedules, working around kids' sports and extracurricular schedules, etc.)

Boundaries are boundaries. I think your gf is smart. She knows how to look after herself and in my experience erring on the side of firm boundaries in looking out for oneself is much better than ending up codependent, selling yourself short on sleep and income earning potential, cutting corners in the quality of your home life with your kids, etc. Unless you guys are committed I think you're asking way too much. You need to respect her boundaries or you'll scare her off.

Just because things went well with your family means a lot to you. To her, she's thinking, okay, now I have another family I will have to pay attention to as well, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays etc. With kids in tow, so have to help them ease into a completely different family eventually. To a woman and a mother of minor children it's overwhelming. If you're working, it's a significant portion of your free time.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

waiwera said:


> Personally I believe we all make time for the things that are important to us....
> 
> I like the saying...' if you want something done ask a busy person'.
> 
> If she was really really into you... she'd find the time... IMO.


This. 

I agree. She is not into you the way you are into her. 

I say back waaaay off. As in don't call her or text her at all until she contacts you. Even then you should wait a few hours to text back. You are way to needy and smothering.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> My rule of thumb as a single working mom responsible for two kids is that me, my family and my income generation come first. The guy comes after all that. That's just the way it needs to be.
> 
> My experience with single men without kids is that they are free to earn their income and manage their schedules as they please, without having to worry a lot of risk management (i.e. a kid getting sick, needing to grocery shop around the kids' schedules, working around kids' sports and extracurricular schedules, etc.)
> 
> ...


We are definitely in a committed relationship. She brought it up, She told me after 3 weeks of dating that she didnt wanna date anyone else, and that she has never met someone like me and that im the love of her life,**** she even added me to her medical insurance(as mine was really expensive), she said she did that cuz she knows we are gonna be together forever. i do respect her boundaries, and know she is a busy mom!! i think partly the issue is she is just getting back on her meds from being depressed(issues from early childhood i guess)...I know im making myself sound like a needy little beotch.. But im really not...I dont ask for much from her!! I went to her house just the other day for like an hr cux i forgot my phone, didnt make a big deal outa anything, said ok im leaving now got stuff to do, she gave me a hug, and wouldnt let go!! and said how much she loved me..thought was really sweet!! She just sends mixed messages lately


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> I'm with Unique on this!
> 
> You've been dating a 'few months'. You talk to her 3 times in 3 days; that's an average of once/day. Considering she *is* busy as you've admitted, I'm guessing that you're smothering her!
> 
> ...


 i only talk with her on the phone an avg of maybe 5 mins each time....its not much... i think the longest ive ever talked with her is maybe 15 mins on the phone...im not super needy, i honestly dont like talking forever on the phone.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

My work is done on the phone

I loathe talking on the phone for idle chitty chat with ANYONE

But I'll talk your ear off in person

Good Luck!


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Unique Username said:


> Give her a chance to miss you
> 
> occupy your time with other things
> 
> ...


I have a feeling i am overreacting here!!! i guess i just love spending time with her, and it always cant be when i want...She texted me tonight, that she worked from about 9am to 8pm tonight..**** she is working hours like i do..I can only imagine after that she has to go home and attend to her boys and then go to bed exhausted..im just going to quit freaking the hell out and calm down and just go with it.......


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

englem007 said:


> We are definitely in a committed relationship. She brought it up, She told me after 3 weeks of dating that she didnt wanna date anyone else, and that she has never met someone like me and that im the love of her life,**** she even added me to her medical insurance(as mine was really expensive), she said she did that cuz she knows we are gonna be together forever. i do respect her boundaries, and know she is a busy mom!! i think partly the issue is she is just getting back on her meds from being depressed(issues from early childhood i guess)...I know im making myself sound like a needy little beotch.. But im really not...I dont ask for much from her!! I went to her house just the other day for like an hr cux i forgot my phone, didnt make a big deal outa anything, said ok im leaving now got stuff to do, she gave me a hug, and wouldnt let go!! and said how much she loved me..thought was really sweet!! She just sends mixed messages lately


OK, new info. She was on meds, off and now back on, and said weird committed sh*t to you after only 3 weeks of dating, but is not taking your calls now. Is she by any chance bipolar? I hate to break it to you but when people are manic they see things as really really really really truly wonderful and fantastic and make all kinds of commitments and promises. Then when the manic phase ends ... you're yesterday's leftovers she has to deal with from her yesterday's self.

Why not establish some boundaries for yourself and drop her like a hot potato and let her come looking for you. Then you can see OVER TIME if she's the one for you. Why commit to someone after only a few months of dating, seeing them once a week. Get a stiff upper lip. Use it. Don't commit to someone based on such a short period of time of seeing them.

Personally she sounds like a bit of a drama queen. Would not interest me personally, some people like a big show of emotion, but it comes with a flip side.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> OK, new info. She was on meds, off and now back on, and said weird committed sh*t to you after only 3 weeks of dating, but is not taking your calls now. Is she by any chance bipolar? I hate to break it to you but when people are manic they see things as really really really really truly wonderful and fantastic and make all kinds of commitments and promises. Then when the manic phase ends ... you're yesterday's leftovers she has to deal with from her yesterday's self.
> 
> Why not establish some boundaries for yourself and drop her like a hot potato and let her come looking for you. Then you can see OVER TIME if she's the one for you. Why commit to someone after only a few months of dating, seeing them once a week. Get a stiff upper lip. Use it. Don't commit to someone based on such a short period of time of seeing them.
> 
> Personally she sounds like a bit of a drama queen. Would not interest me personally, some people like a big show of emotion, but it comes with a flip side.


When I met her she was on the meds and got off about a month into dating...then she realized she needed to get back on them .. So as a result she was kinda withdrawn and moody...she is in her second week of taking mess and she says it takes about 4 weeks to feel right again...I'm just gonna try and back off for a while


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

englem007 said:


> She brought it up, She told me after 3 weeks of dating that she didnt wanna date anyone else, and that she has never met someone like me and that im the love of her life,**** she even added me to her medical insurance(as mine was really expensive), she said she did that cuz she knows we are gonna be together forever.


 Say what?

After THREE WEEKS?

Run, Forest, run!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

englem007 said:


> When I met her she was on the meds and got off about a month into dating...then she realized she needed to get back on them .. So as a result she was kinda withdrawn and moody...she is in her second week of taking mess and she says it takes about 4 weeks to feel right again...I'm just gonna try and back off for a while



I have all respect for people who are managing mental illness, working and raising a child. It does sound like she thought maybe with a relationship, she did not need her meds. That somehow being in a relationship and having you in her life would solve all her personal/health problems that she had before she met you. That would concern me. It's not sound thinking. A relationship is not a substitute for mental health care, period. It's good that she got back on her meds. But I think you should be very cautious. Give it at least a year so you can observe how she manages whatever mental health issues she has. And understand that in future she may need to adjust meds, etc. Be very informed about what you're getting yourself into. Not everyone is up to having a relationship with someone who has a mental illness. Although I am glad for those with mental illness, that there are people who can love them and understand their challenges. I think there are a lot of men in this forum who are married to women who have mental illness, and also others, women and men, who have and are open about their illness and how it can affect their relationships. 

Maybe you can find out what diagnosis your friend has and post a new thread so you can learn about the ins and outs of this kind of partnership. If you decide to be committed then you'll be well informed on how to avoid some of the pitfalls. You can also learn about co-dependency, what it is, and how to avoid that. There's a fine line between compassion and some leeway, and getting sucked into co-dependency.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I have all respect for people who are managing mental illness, working and raising a child. It does sound like she thought maybe with a relationship, she did not need her meds. That somehow being in a relationship and having you in her life would solve all her personal/health problems that she had before she met you. That would concern me. It's not sound thinking. A relationship is not a substitute for mental health care, period. It's good that she got back on her meds. But I think you should be very cautious. Give it at least a year so you can observe how she manages whatever mental health issues she has. And understand that in future she may need to adjust meds, etc. Be very informed about what you're getting yourself into. Not everyone is up to having a relationship with someone who has a mental illness. Although I am glad for those with mental illness, that there are people who can love them and understand their challenges. I think there are a lot of men in this forum who are married to women who have mental illness, and also others, women and men, who have and are open about their illness and how it can affect their relationships.
> 
> Maybe you can find out what diagnosis your friend has and post a new thread so you can learn about the ins and outs of this kind of partnership. If you decide to be committed then you'll be well informed on how to avoid some of the pitfalls. You can also learn about co-dependency, what it is, and how to avoid that. There's a fine line between compassion and some leeway, and getting sucked into co-dependency.


thanks..i am going to post a new thread..i am wanting to understand more about her depression and the actual meds she is taking and see if this is something I can deal with. .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She's on meds? 

Oh no no no ....

Break off !!! Pull up ! Pull up ! 




Do not get involved with someone with mental issues. Dude have YOU lost your mind? And don't tell me you're in love. What you are is infatuated. No .... Get out of this now or you will tie the day you ever met her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Another vote for RUN FOREST RUN


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

So after 3 weeks she puts you on her health insurance? I work with a lot of insurance companies and I've never heard of one that will do this. Add you like a family member when you don't live in the same household and have only been dating a few weeks. That's preposterous. Either you're lying to us, or you lied to the insurance company to make that happen. 

And seriously, any man who would give up his health insurance to go on a plan of someone he doesn't really know (you must understand that you don't know her after 3 weeks, not even close) is just asking for trouble.


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