# My husband tells me he doesn't care about me and avoids intimacy, help.



## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

Tonight my husband is being completely unreasonable. He claims that he needs to "do work" when in actual fact he is using this as an excuse not to spend time together.
There is no urgency to do work right now, there is no pressing work and he has just spent the last hour listening to music, playing video games and scrolling through Facebook.

He is being unreasonably cold toward me. When I tell him that I feel this is what he is doing, he says he "doesn't give a ****". I tell him I am considerate of his needs whenever he has them, sexual etc. but he is non reciprocal. Whenever I need intimacy he pushes me away and makes excuses that he's too busy. We haven't spent any intimate time together all day. It is 10:50pm on a Sunday night. I've spent the night putting our baby to bed. After telling him this he says to me, he doesn't care if how he is behaving is hurtful, he doesn't care. He tells me he doesn't need sex from me. If I don't give it to him he can get it anywhere and anytime he wants. I tell him, that would be cheating. I could do that too but I don't because it is not right in a marriage.

He pushed me hard so that I hit the door and tells me to get out of his way and then just walks out of the house. I wasn't even in his way. It's 11pm and he just leaves me here with the kids alone. I'm really upset because I feel like he just doesn't respect or care for me or consider my needs. He tells me he can go wherever the **** he wants. I'm pregnant and he just pushes me like I'm nothing and nobody to him. When I ask him where he is going he tells me it's none of my business.

He's come home and is completely cold toward me. I'm crying and he won't even talk to me he's being so horrible and mean. He has sunglasses and his headphones on. He's pushing me and won't let me touch him. I tell him I'm hurt and feeling disconnected and I dont undetandstand why hes acting like this. He pushes me away and tells me to "get the **** out of his way and to ****ing go to bed". He tells me he's not going to come to bed tonight.

He's just going to leave me to look after Leon all night on my own. After pushing me away and saying this, he has now gone downstairs and walked out the front door without a word. I called him once and he just hung up.

I feel really hurt and sick to my stomach and I can't stop crying.

I don't know what to do.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

To do this to a pregnant wife is inexcusable.

If you cheated on him, or did something equally horrible, then I could see him being angry, but not shoving you.

Tell us, why is he acting this way?

Set our curious minds.....at ease.
If possible.


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## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> To do this to a pregnant wife is inexcusable.
> 
> If you cheated on him, or did something equally horrible, then I could see him being angry, but not shoving you.
> 
> ...


I've done nothing. I just wished to spend time with him and he has reacted this way. I don't understand it at all...


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## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

aieslyn said:


> I've done nothing. I just wished to spend time with him and he has reacted this way. I don't understand it at all...


He also has had


SunCMars said:


> To do this to a pregnant wife is inexcusable.
> 
> If you cheated on him, or did something equally horrible, then I could see him being angry, but not shoving you.
> 
> ...


a lot to drink tonight, I think...

Also, I think he might be acting like this because he doesn't like that I asked him to spend time with me. He called it "*****ing" which I don't believe I am doing. I just told him I feel lonely being isolated to the dark bedroom alone and can I just be near him, we can work together, I'm happy to. I also pointed out that's it's hurtful and unfair for him to insist that I remain in the room or downstairs and it's weird and hurtful that he's pushing me away like this. This in his eyes is "*****ing" and warrants the response that followed.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Your problems are MUCH deeper than you have posted here. There has to be a lot more to the story. His pushing you is not acceptable. 

You need to get out of that abusive relationship. If this behavior has been going on a while, why did you let yourself get pregnant? You don't need to bring any more children into this toxic environment.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I checked your other thread for context but you were a husband then, and now a wife?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

aieslyn said:


> He also has had
> 
> 
> a lot to drink tonight, I think...
> ...


Is this new behavior?

Some people are mean drunks.

If this is totally new behavior, than he is having some sort of mental or brain problem, maybe a drug problem.

If he has always been touchy and mean, there you have it.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Casual Observer said:


> I checked your other thread for context but you were a husband then, and now a wife?


This is more confusing than identifying who's the husband and who's the wife in a same sex marriage. Can't give advice in these circumstances.


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## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

Casual Observer said:


> I checked your other thread for context but you were a husband then, and now a wife?


I Just read that, I think my husband posted here before on my account after we had an argument. He just couldn't concede in anyway how he was wrong, inconsiderate or discourteous in that instance. I think he must have been tying to make a point...? Maybe because of the response he never told me he had posted? Sorry guys for the confusion. I didn't even know he had done this. I've never posted here before. Thanks in advance🙏


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## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

VladDracul said:


> This is more confusing than identifying who's the husband and who's the wife in a same sex marriage. Can't give advice in these circumstances.


We are a man and woman. My husband just used my account previously . Thanks in advance🙏


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## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

Sfort said:


> Your problems are MUCH deeper than you have posted here. There has to be a lot more to the story. His pushing you is not acceptable.
> 
> You need to get out of that abusive relationship. If this behavior has been going on a while, why did you let yourself get pregnant? You don't need to bring any more children into this toxic environment.


I didn't mean to get pregnant. I conceived during a time I wasn't suppose to be able to get pregnant. We had used condoms but this doesn't work 100%. We have sex every day because my husband has a high libido this could increase chances. I can't take chemical contraception unfortunately


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Your husband is an absolute pig and you need to get a divorce.

Tell him to gtfo of the house and if he won't go, you go and take the kids. 

Your problems go far deeper than this one time, that's obvious. He clearly doesn't like you much, let alone love you to treat you so badly. You shouldn't have to beg your husband to spend time with you.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

You are being physically, verbally, and emotionally abused. How many children do you have? Do you have family that can help you? 

If he wasn't abusive like this before, he is using drugs, it's not just alcohol. Please find a good lawyer to protect you and the children. File for legal separation as soon as you can. He has no right to treat you like this. Stop begging him. He is not sane. 

He will hurt you worse if you don't stay away from him. He may even cause you to lose the baby. He is out of control.

Please protect yourself and the baby you are carrying.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I can't believe you had a baby with this jackass. He's very abusive and it has very little to do with whether he has sex when you want him to or not. He uses you for sex whenever he wants to and doesn't care at all about you or your needs so one on Earth are you hesitating for? He's messed up. You're not going to fix him and there's nothing you can do to fix him. Nobody can fix him. He has no empathy which makes him a possible sociopath and he's right up front about it. 

You are too mired in this mud pit to see the big picture here. This man may not have any capability to love anybody and he's made it quite clear he doesn't care about you so for heaven's sake go to a family law attorney and protect your finances first and then get out of it.


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## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

Thank you


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

aieslyn said:


> He also has had
> 
> 
> a lot to drink tonight, I think...
> ...


He is an abusive POS. Do you have any family or friends near by? Do you work? I would pack my stuff and kids and go stay with them for a while. Before that VAR the house (it sounds like he may be cheating) and VAR his car.
Then tell your family and friends how he has been treating you. 
Then contact a lawyer and ask about your rights. 
Start doing a hard 180 on this piece of scum (sorry but men like this get my blood boiling). Look up the 180. Go no contact. Maybe he is in a fantasy land now and treating you badly cause he cannot handle the internal conflict he feels (cheaters do this.).

Please do the 180, detach, detach, detach. Stop cooking, cleaning anything and move to your family.


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## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

Casual Observer said:


> I checked your other thread for context but you were a husband then, and now a wife?


My husband used my account, sorry 🙏


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## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

aine said:


> He is an abusive POS. Do you have any family or friends near by? Do you work? I would pack my stuff and kids and go stay with them for a while. Before that VAR the house (it sounds like he may be cheating) and VAR his car.
> Then tell your family and friends how he has been treating you.
> Then contact a lawyer and ask about your rights.
> Start doing a hard 180 on this piece of scum (sorry but men like this get my blood boiling). Look up the 180. Go no contact. Maybe he is in a fantasy land now and treating you badly cause he cannot handle the internal conflict he feels (cheaters do this.).
> ...


Thanks for your advice I will look this up 🙏


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## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I can't believe you had a baby with this jackass. He's very abusive and it has very little to do with whether he has sex when you want him to or not. He uses you for sex whenever he wants to and doesn't care at all about you or your needs so one on Earth are you hesitating for? He's messed up. You're not going to fix him and there's nothing you can do to fix him. Nobody can fix him. He has no empathy which makes him a possible sociopath and he's right up front about it.
> 
> You are too mired in this mud pit to see the big picture here. This man may not have any capability to love anybody and he's made it quite clear he doesn't care about you so for heaven's sake go to a family law attorney and protect your finances first and then get out of it.


Thanks you for your honest words. I think my love blinds me and I feel so confused into inaction. I'm scared to give up on our relationship if there is any chance of improvement 🙏


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## aieslyn (Jul 9, 2017)

frusdil said:


> Your husband is an absolute pig and you need to get a divorce.
> 
> Tell him to gtfo of the house and if he won't go, you go and take the kids.
> 
> Your problems go far deeper than this one time, that's obvious. He clearly doesn't like you much, let alone love you to treat you so badly. You shouldn't have to beg your husband to spend time with you.


I agree with you, I shouldn't have to beg. I know he is an unfair person. My business, family and love for him make it very hard to make a decision to leave


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

There's something off with you for you to feel like you love this person who treats you so badly and doesn't have empathy for other people and sounds like no capacity for love. You need to get away from him so you can build up your self-esteem before you get in another relationship and pick another guy who keeps you down.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

aieslyn said:


> I agree with you, I shouldn't have to beg. I know he is an unfair person. My business, family and love for him make it very hard to make a decision to leave


What about your love for yourself?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

aieslyn said:


> My husband used my account, sorry 🙏


how did that happen???


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

aieslyn said:


> I agree with you, I shouldn't have to beg. I know he is an unfair person. My business, family and love for him make it very hard to make a decision to leave


It is called co-dependency and trauma bonding. Look those up. It is definitely not love.


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