# Does he want me to hit him up for sex?



## imgonnabejustfine (Mar 8, 2012)

Hi, I would appreciate input from any males out there who initiated a separation from their wife. My husband considers us separated. He is still living in our home, but moved into the spare bedroom. It has been a little over two months and in that time we have had sex just three times. Each time he initiated. 

I would like to have sex with him, but everything I've read says, I should not initiate, some of what I've read says I should not even have sex if he asks for it. If it was your choice to separate from your wife, do you want your wife to come to you looking for sex? I don't want to do anything to push him further away from me. I am very civil to him, I am handling all of this pretty well. I have a mindset of doing what is good for me and moving forward in a positive way for myself while he "works through" what he wants. Thank you for any advice you can give me!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Go into his bedroom tonight, silently take your clothes off and get in bed with him. 

I guarantee he won't reject you.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Go into his bedroom tonight, silently take your clothes off and get in bed with him.
> 
> I guarantee he won't reject you.


Some guys are total a**holes and get a high out of the emotional abuse of rejecting you when you're at your most vulnerable. Trust me on that one. 

But if he's still receptive and doesn't have anger issues at you personally, imgonnabejustfine, then go for it. Good luck.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

I'm not the one who initiated the leaving so I'm not really what you're looking for but from a male perspective, I can't imagine you would be doing anything other than letting him have his cake and eat it too. 

If my STBXW wanted sex, I'd give it to her in about 1 millisecond but I know it wouldn't do ME any good.

Why are you wanting to sleep with him? You want to feel close to him and all that right? It is surely true that we all want what we can't have so I have to think that if he is the leaver, you should demonstrate that sex with you is something he is leaving.

That said, bandit is right. No way in hell he will reject you.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I struggle to find how this is healthy for anyone.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Another thought I had, imgonnabejustfine: in the beginning STBXH swore that he was not sleeping with anyone else, though I knew he'd had many EAs. I think at that point we considered each other 'safe' since we'd been monogamous (I believed him at first). There came a point where I was no longer sure he was telling the truth and that was the deal breaker for me. If you have any suspicisons at all about your H's behavior, just make sure you are taking precautions. End of Public Service Announcement.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you want to have sex with him, initiate but I'd recommend against it. 

Especially since he is the one who initiated the separation and considers you "not together" / "separated."

Hell to the no.

Why would he get all the benefits of being married if he's the one who wants out??

HELLO? No way.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Traggy said:


> I struggle to find how this is healthy for anyone.


Over and over again.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

I think you have to work out what it is YOU want. If you just want to have no strings sex, then I would say go for it. But if you are (even subconciously) thinking by doing so you will set the ship straight....I'd say by having sex with him you are doing yourself no favors at all. As has been said you are basically letting him have his cake and eat it and all you are doing is setting yourself up for heartbreak when he finds some more cake elsewhere.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This thread is giviving me major de ja vu...

Oh right, Rome2012.

Look up her threads & see how that turned out.

Note: disaster


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

We had sex while separated - although she initiated both the separation AND the sex. At the time I had no reason to suspect her of cheating physically.

Once we were heading down the path to divorce - I no longer trusted her and felt it was best to cut ties as much as possible. She "offered" a couple of times during the divorce process - and I declined as politely as I could...

If you are just separated I would simply talk to him about it. Our M therapist actually told us that any positive experience together (SEX!) was potentially helpful.

Do you trust that he isn't sleeping with anyone else?


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## MickeyD (Feb 19, 2012)

imgonnabejustfine said:


> If it was your choice to separate from your wife, do you want your wife to come to you looking for sex?


Considering that it's her lack of needing or wanting intimacy that drove me away, the answer is yes. I would be a happy camper if my wife came to me looking for sex.

EDIT: Maybe I have just been lonely too long and got a scewed perspective.


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

I think he has probably already been with someone, so I would stay away. If he feels he needs to separate then he should physically separate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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