# Helping Raise My Ex-Husband's New Baby-Has Anyone Been In A Crazy Situation Like This



## JustMe1980 (Nov 19, 2017)

Long story...

Last July I found out that my husband of 20 years was having an affair with a married woman who had two small children. I left, filed for divorce in Sept. Our divorce was finalized in November (uncontested, our youngest child of three is 16). Her and her husbands divorce was final the same morning. So, the two love birds got married to each other at lunch on the same day (Our state has no wait period. Maybe this is a record?) Anwho...they moved in together and all hell broke loose. She found out she was pregnant the first week in Jan. and she moved out the first week in Feb. filed for divorce the first week in March. For months she said that she didn't want the baby but she wasn't going to kill " the thing". At some point during the pregnancy/divorce she realized that the baby was a good tool.

She has been gone for about 6 months. Their divorce was final, about a week ago, the morning of the baby's birth. She wouldn't speak to him about the pregnancy and Dr. appointments and now barley even speaks to him about the baby. They were in and out of therapy for a bit and therapist believes that she has Borderline Personality Disorder, she also has a long history of depression and post partum depression. During this time ex and I have maintained a friendship and working relationship( we own a business mutually). It's hard to walk away from someone that you have known since that age of 17 who royally made a mess of their whole life. 

So, there has been talk of "us" and me helping to raise this child. In full disclosure he raised my daughter from another man for 18 years like she was his own. The baby was born last week and I am in love with him. If I were going to walk away I should have done it months ago. I can not have more children and wanted another for 16 years. He pulls at my heart strings something awful. His mother is off her rocker but they have joint custody. Beginning at 8 weeks my ex will have him all day every day and she will have him at night. At around two my ex will have the majority of time days and nights. 

I know the difficulties here. I know what I'm in for relationship wise. I'm not really looking to be talked out of or into anything. I really am just curious if anyone out there has been in a similar situation?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

This is your ex husband. You have no business raising that baby, or being so involved in your ex's life. Back away.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

No....never been....but my two cents. Gurl you have lost your mind and must really love drama...Good Luck.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

This will not end well. 
For you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Interesting responses. Usually people want to act like they would be oh so generous in such a situation......ie Think of the children,

I'm just thinking of situation in which a guy I was dating was trying to make me feel guilty because he told he had loaned his to his ex gf (wtih 3 kids, none of them his he told me) and wanted to borrow mine as a result. "But it's for the children."

these days I'm thinking that at least one of those kids must have been his,


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I'm thinking you never let go of your cheating Ex and want him back and you don't see his child with his current (albeit separated BPD) wife as a detriment, but a bonus. 

Think you may have a difficult time finding too many who have lived this. Remember child's mom will always be around even if she doesn't like the baby--she probably likes lots of other pluses in this scenario--drama, support, power, manipulation.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Interesting responses. Usually people want to act like they would be oh so generous in such a situation......ie Think of the children,


Hell no. Ex knocks up the slag who helped break up his marriage, the consequences to the fallout are his and his alone.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Is there anyway you can get full custody of the child? Or her to renounce her parental rights?......

Doesn't sound like she can provide a stable home for the child.


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## JustMe1980 (Nov 19, 2017)

I will edit the post to reflect that their divorce is final.

You guys are a tough audience. All of this has happened within the span of a year. Our divorce was very quick. I filed for divorce last Sept. In hind sight I wish that I hadn't. I wish that I had let the affair end without all of the divorce and marrying crap. Obviously it would have. So, yes I guess I never let go of the person that I was married to for 20 years. I'm not sure that anyone can get over a lengthy marriage that quickly. I know that the baby's mom will never be out of the picture. I'm sure that there are some situations where a spouse had an affair, got pregnant and then the affair dissolved and there was a child involved in the mix they just maybe didn't divorce and marry.


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

That poor baby, has someone that loves him and the first thing that comes out of people's mouths is for you to abandon him. 

See you can get full custody if possible and continue to love that baby. Your in his life for a reason, but do not take your ex back. He's real POS.

Good luck

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Suspicious1 said:


> That poor baby, has someone that loves him and the first thing that comes out of people's mouths is for you to abandon him.
> 
> See you can get full custody if possible and continue to love that baby. Your in his life for a reason, but do not take your ex back. He's real POS.
> 
> ...


The baby isn't hers! And the dad is right there, actively taking care of him. Not her place nor her business. Psycho mama will make her life hell.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Suspicious1 said:


> That poor baby, has someone that loves him and the first thing that comes out of people's mouths is for you to abandon him.
> 
> See you can get full custody if possible and continue to love that baby. Your in his life for a reason, but do not take your ex back. He's real POS.
> 
> ...


And how do you propose she manages to gain custody of a baby that’s not even a blood relative.All the while having nothing to do with the child’s father.
This is a straw man argument if I ever heard one.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You got divorced right?

You need to step aside and act like you got divorced.

Seek help from a professional - help for codependency.

I don't think you know where he ends and you begin / a healthy boundary.

He helped raise your child but that was the agreement because you were getting married. This is different because he betrayed you - and AFTER that had a child...which you don't need to be a part of any longer.

Let his family help him. You need to stay out of it and focus on yourself and your own kids.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

JustMe1980 said:


> Long story...
> 
> Last July I found out that my husband of 20 years was having an affair with a married woman who had two small children. I left, filed for divorce in Sept. Our divorce was finalized in November (uncontested, our youngest child of three is 16). Her and her husbands divorce was final the same morning. So, the two love birds got married to each other at lunch on the same day (Our state has no wait period. Maybe this is a record?) Anwho...they moved in together and all hell broke loose. She found out she was pregnant the first week in Jan. and she moved out the first week in Feb. filed for divorce the first week in March. For months she said that she didn't want the baby but she wasn't going to kill " the thing". At some point during the pregnancy/divorce she realized that the baby was a good tool.
> 
> ...



OP, you talk a lot about how in love you hare with the new baby. But, how in love are you with your ex-husband? Because you don't mention that at all. 

Please know this: A baby won't fix the issues that existed in your marriage. A baby won't make your husband into a faithful partner. A baby won't provide any tools toward a real reconciliation of your broken former marriage. In fact, all this baby will do is add a layer of complexity to one of the hardest things a couple can attempt to do - reconcile after infidelity and divorce. Reconciliation attempts frequently fail. The ones that succeed usually take years and years of hard work by both partners. Is your ex-husband up for that? Is he even someone you actually want to be with? If the baby were not in the picture, would be be considering taking him back after he betrayed and abandoned you and your children for the OW? 

I also find it interesting that there didn't seem to be much interest from your ex-husband in reconciling with you until after his new wife went off the deep end on him and he had a baby in need of someone stable to care for it. Your ex-husband has a proven track record of making selfish choices. I think it's possible that he's terrified of the reality of facing life alone, and that he sees you as a convenient source of childcare and a comfortable fall-back position now that his bad choices have blown up his world. Why are you okay with being Plan B?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Posters are being realistic and they call it like they see it. I don't think you will run across too many situations here that are like yours. Maybe if you search some old threads from women who are bringing up another woman's child -- or considering it -- you'll find what you need.


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## JustMe1980 (Nov 19, 2017)

Rowan said:


> OP, you talk a lot about how in love you hare with the new baby. But, how in love are you with your ex-husband? Because you don't mention that at all.
> 
> Please know this: A baby won't fix the issues that existed in your marriage. A baby won't make your husband into a faithful partner. A baby won't provide any tools toward a real reconciliation of your broken former marriage. In fact, all this baby will do is add a layer of complexity to one of the hardest things a couple can attempt to do - reconcile after infidelity and divorce. Reconciliation attempts frequently fail. The ones that succeed usually take years and years of hard work by both partners. Is your ex-husband up for that? Is he even someone you actually want to be with? If the baby were not in the picture, would be be considering taking him back after he betrayed and abandoned you and your children for the OW?
> 
> I also find it interesting that there didn't seem to be much interest from your ex-husband in reconciling with you until after his new wife went off the deep end on him and he had a baby in need of someone stable to care for it. Your ex-husband has a proven track record of making selfish choices. I think it's possible that he's terrified of the reality of facing life alone, and that he sees you as a convenient source of childcare and a comfortable fall-back position now that his bad choices have blown up his world. Why are you okay with being Plan B?


I am in love with my ex. I never stopped being in love and loving him. I don't however believe that he will ever be a faithful partner, not 100%. I don't like being plan B. not at all. I pulled the trigger on divorce because well....I was pissed and depressed and generally not in a good place at the time. It all went too fast for anyone to make rational decisions. He actually was constantly back and forth on what he wanted to do until I pushed the divorce through. We almost withdrew the petition for divorce numerous times. I filled in Sept. and it was final in Nov. Then they were married and she was pregnant within a few weeks of divorce.

I am the fallback....the old shoe. If there were no baby I may have told him to piss off idk. Honestly when I was out dating I never found one person that I liked. I compared them all to him. No one met the bar. He sucks in one major area but he is great in all the rest. And we have a closeness and ease of conversation and so many things that just flow after 20 years. I feel damned if I do....damned if I dont. I feel like I could never love another person like that.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Bear in mind that my parents raised a baby that "Wasn't theirs! OMG!!!" Actually, 2. My brother and me. So I may have a....different perspective.

This child needs love and a stable home. If you have the unselfish strength of character to love and raise a child who doesn't share your DNA, I say go for it. Especially if there is a chance to get full custody.

Is this baby "your responsibility"? No, it isn't. But you sound like the kind of person who doesn't think in those types of absolute terms. In this case, this newborn baby is lucky that you do, IMO.

You are a very rare breed - don't harden your heart just because you aren't the norm.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

If you want another child, look into adopting a different baby. This child is going to have a complicated enough upbringing with those parents of his. Although you have great intentions, having you also in the picture will make things much more complicated. His bio-mom is not going to be happy having you show up at his events and stuff. Kids are often used as pawns between bio-parents. Just think about how much more that will happen when you're also trying to be a parent.

I'm sure your heartstrings are being pulled with him being right there. It's like walking down the street and falling in love a puppy in the window of a petstore. But what your heart says it wants is going to cause a lot of stress and complications in the future. Please try to think logically no matter what your heart is saying. The future of this child is at stake.

Not to mention, there's always the chance your ex will remarry--either to the boy's mom or to someone else. Will the new wife be accepting of your role in his life?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

JustMe1980 said:


> I am in love with my ex. I never stopped being in love and loving him. I don't however believe that he will ever be a faithful partner, not 100%. I don't like being plan B. not at all. I pulled the trigger on divorce because well....I was pissed and depressed and generally not in a good place at the time. It all went too fast for anyone to make rational decisions. He actually was constantly back and forth on what he wanted to do until I pushed the divorce through. We almost withdrew the petition for divorce numerous times. I filled in Sept. and it was final in Nov. Then they were married and she was pregnant within a few weeks of divorce.


You did the right, smart thing. No sense in hanging onto a man who you know isn't going to stay faithful. But now you need to do the smart thing again, and leave this issue to him.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Is your exH asking to remarry you? 

Do you feel you would be plan B if that happened?


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## JustMe1980 (Nov 19, 2017)

wilson said:


> If you want another child, look into adopting a different baby. This child is going to have a complicated enough upbringing with those parents of his. Although you have great intentions, having you also in the picture will make things much more complicated. His bio-mom is not going to be happy having you show up at his events and stuff. Kids are often used as pawns between bio-parents. Just think about how much more that will happen when you're also trying to be a parent.
> 
> I'm sure your heartstrings are being pulled with him being right there. It's like walking down the street and falling in love a puppy in the window of a petstore. But what your heart says it wants is going to cause a lot of stress and complications in the future. Please try to think logically no matter what your heart is saying. The future of this child is at stake.
> 
> Not to mention, there's always the chance your ex will remarry--either to the boy's mom or to someone else. Will the new wife be accepting of your role in his life?


Bio mom doesn't care who is in his life. She basically walked out on her 6 and 3 year old for the affair hoping that her 1st ex husband would remarry so they would have a good mom. She is strange. I actually highly doubt that she will remain in the picture. I'm not sure how me being in this baby's life would complicate things more than a new relationship with another woman would. In that respect it might actually be less complicated than bringing in another woman who at our age would probably have other children.


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## JustMe1980 (Nov 19, 2017)

Beach123 said:


> Is your exH asking to remarry you?
> 
> Do you feel you would be plan B if that happened?


I don't think either of us is up for remarrying. Not for a long while anyway. Not even talking about moving in together. There are issues that we need to address separately. It would take time and effort. If after that he chose to remarry me I don't think that I would feel like plan B. I personally am done with the in and out of marriage game for now. Its ridiculous.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Suspicious1 said:


> That poor baby, has someone that loves him and the first thing that comes out of people's mouths is for you to abandon him.
> 
> See you can get full custody if possible and continue to love that baby. Your in his life for a reason, but do not take your ex back. He's real POS.
> 
> ...


All your attitude does is encourage irresponsible people to have children in chaotic situations and then be confident that some one else is going to puck the pieces and the tab .......... while the law still gives them to final say as to what is right for the child.

This is why I did not want to get involved with men who have children. And I found a wonder SMNK.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Suspicious1 said:


> That poor baby, has someone that loves him and the first thing that comes out of people's mouths is for you to abandon him.
> 
> See you can get full custody if possible and continue to love that baby. Your in his life for a reason, but do not take your ex back. He's real POS.
> 
> ...


all your attitude does is encourage irresponsible people to have children in chaotic situations and then be confident that everyone will be around to pick up the pieces and the tab ....... all while the mother has final legal say over the child.

This why I did not want to date men who had children.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

JustMe1980 said:


> I don't think either of us is up for remarrying. Not for a long while anyway. Not even talking about moving in together. There are issues that we need to address separately. It would take time and effort. If after that he chose to remarry me I don't think that I would feel like plan B. I personally am done with the in and out of marriage game for now. Its ridiculous.


Then stay out of his mess.

It's for him to find a solution to his problems/situations.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

JustMe1980 said:


> Long story...
> 
> Last July I found out that my husband of 20 years was having an affair with a married woman who had two small children. I left, filed for divorce in Sept. Our divorce was finalized in November (uncontested, our youngest child of three is 16). Her and her husbands divorce was final the same morning. So, the two love birds got married to each other at lunch on the same day (Our state has no wait period. Maybe this is a record?) Anwho...they moved in together and all hell broke loose. She found out she was pregnant the first week in Jan. and she moved out the first week in Feb. filed for divorce the first week in March. For months she said that she didn't want the baby but she wasn't going to kill " the thing". At some point during the pregnancy/divorce she realized that the baby was a good tool.
> 
> ...


Give the baby up for adoption it will have a better life. Once it finds out it's not yours it not forever it will be comparing itself to your other kids who are your and his. Let it have a fresh start with two people who can see it as a blessing and love it without all the baggage.

Also go get some counseling. You have some sort of stockholm syndrome to even consider this. You are worth more then this, and there is much better out there.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

JustMe1980 said:


> Honestly when I was out dating I never found one person that I liked. *I compared them all to him. No one met the bar.*


This is heartbreaking. Your bar must be so, so low sweetheart. Why do you believe that your unfaithful husband is all you deserve?

I would be long gone, and he'd have to deal with this himself. If you do choose to stay, the only way you should even consider it, is if the mother signs over her parental rights, and you adopt him. Anything less and you're just setting yourself up for unimaginable heartache, when your husband cheats again (and he will), and leaves you - you could raise this child for 10 years and your husband ups and leaves one day and you have no legal rights to him at all.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Justme1980, why on earth would you want to raise the child of the OW who broke up your marriage with your WH who is now your ex H. You need alot of counselling and therapy to even consider such a thing. What on earth does your poor kids think of this upsurper in your family? Cut your Ex out of your life and the **** who destroyed your family.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

JustMe1980 said:


> It's hard to walk away from someone that you have known since that age of 17 who royally made a mess of their whole life.


Well, he made sure to pull you and your 3 kids down *WITH* him when he chose to 'make a mess' of his life, didn't he? He cheated on you knowing full well he was risking the security of your marriage and the familial security of the family and the selfish prick did it anyway. Yeah, he's a real prince amongst men and 'no men compare' to him. 

He was SO eager to start his _happily ever after_ with his OW that he'd thrown you in his rear-view mirror and never even looked back as he rushed to the alter to marry his lady love when the damned ink was still *wet* on your final decree of divorce. THAT'S how little he thought of you and your marriage. This ass-hole wasn't even capable of showing you an OUNCE of *respect* on the day your divorce was granted because he's a such a selfish, self absorbed POS whose only concern is himself, but you actually claim that no man compares and he 'sets the bar so high.' 

If this low-life POS 'sets the bar so high,' then I can only assume you're comparing him to the mouth-breathing degenerates on death row up at your State Penitentiary, because those are the *only* ones he _might_ have have a very marginal leg up on.

Anyway, good old karma decides to pull up to the curb outside their single-wide and all hell breaks loose. They find out they're too stupid to understand how birth control works and he gets to discover that the woman he CHOSE to lose his wife and family over is a lunatic. Man, I would have loved to see this ass-hole's face when THAT reality sunk in. So in very short order, his little 'happily ever after' pretty much **** the bed in 12 seconds flat. 

Up until that moment when things were still good, you were nothing more than a vague memory for him. But *now* that it all blew up in his well-deserving face and he needs to find another OPTION, you're suddenly looking real good to him.

_Again_.



> So, there has been talk of "us" and me helping to raise this child. In full disclosure he raised my daughter from another man for 18 years like she was his own. The baby was born last week and I am in love with him. If I were going to walk away I should have done it months ago. I can not have more children and wanted another for 16 years. He pulls at my heart strings something awful. His mother is off her rocker but they have joint custody. Beginning at 8 weeks my ex will have him all day every day and she will have him at night. At around two my ex will have the majority of time days and nights.


Wow, you're really willing to completely* swallow your pride and dignity* and be Plan B for this using, selfish POS whose ONLY sniffing around you because he has no other options???? I'll bet he's been laying it on thick too, about how he looooooves you and he sooooo regrets the 'mistake' he made leaving you and blah blah blah. And sadly, you've actually fallen for this steaming pile of bull**** he's fed you.

Think about this question carefully.

What if his OW weren't a lunatic? What if things were just as rosy today with them as it was the day they married, and they were happily together and anticipating the birth of their child. *Do you HONESTLY think he'd be sniffing around you right now, wanting to move back in and sweet-talking you into helping him raise his kid? *Hell no he wouldn't be and you know it. The ONLY reason he's sniffing around you today is because he has no other options.

You're Plan B with a twist - you're his only option AND you're foolish enough to have talked yourself into thinking that raising HIS affair child is a good idea for you all.



> I know the difficulties here. I know what I'm in for relationship wise. I'm not really looking to be talked out of or into anything. I really am just curious if anyone out there has been in a similar situation?


You just need to ask yourself why you'd be willing to completely disrespect yourself and flush your pride and dignity right down the toilet JUST to have this vile piece of **** back in your life any way you can have him. It's really just so sad to see women sink to these levels just to have a man in their life (especially when they're as low as the one you want back). Ugh.

To answer your question if anyone has ever been in this position, for myself that's a big no. I'd never compromise my dignity or disrespect myself to *that* level just to have a using, manipulative, lying, cheating, opportunistic piece of goat **** in my life like the one you're taking back.

Never.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

JustMe1980 said:


> I am the fallback....the old shoe. If there were no baby I may have told him to piss off idk. Honestly when I was out dating I never found one person that I liked. I compared them all to him. No one met the bar. He sucks in one major area but he is great in all the rest. And we have a closeness and ease of conversation and so many things that just flow after 20 years. I feel damned if I do....damned if I dont. I feel like I could never love another person like that.


What do he and his wife's child have to do with you swallowing your pride and taking back someone who was only too happy to marry someone else the minute his 20-year supposed commitment to YOU became null and void?

I honestly don't see the correlation. Don't tell me you honestly believe that you're some kind of 'divine intervention' sent by the Powers that Be to help raise this kid because you're the only one on earth who can, and that's your new lot in life?

Find your pride. For the love of all that's holy, find your pride and self respect.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

OP, it’s very obvious that your sole motivation is that baby and that is what you should be looking at. Why are you so intent on doing this, especially with circumstances the way they are? Your x is perfectly capable of taking care of his child, you literally are not needed but your willing to demean yourself to get to that baby. You’ve stated that you wanted another but can’t have anymore so you really need to look closely at what’s really motivating you. Is this really for the baby or is it more for yourself? There is so much going on with this situation there is no way you can be thinking clearly. You should seriously consider talking this out with a professional.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

The only way I could see this working is if the slore put the baby up for adoption and you adopted it, solely you, no hubby involved. It sounds like you just want another baby, can't have one and this is convenient. Adoption would be the only way and that would likely still be wrought with all kinds of OM psycho thrill rides.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Lady, you have your x cheating H on quite the pedestal. As long as you're entwined in his drama you'll never have a life of your own.

You are a KISA (knight in shining armor). Riding to the rescue at your own expense over yourself and your own family.

You should seek some IC help.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Well, he made sure to pull you and your 3 kids down *WITH* him when he chose to 'make a mess' of his life, didn't he? He cheated on you knowing full well he was risking the security of your marriage and the familial security of the family and the selfish prick did it anyway. Yeah, he's a real prince amongst men and 'no men compare' to him.
> 
> He was SO eager to start his _happily ever after_ with his OW that he'd thrown you in his rear-view mirror and never even looked back as he rushed to the alter to marry his lady love when the damned ink was still *wet* on your final decree of divorce. THAT'S how little he thought of you and your marriage. This ass-hole wasn't even capable of showing you an OUNCE of *respect* on the day your divorce was granted because he's a such a selfish, self absorbed POS whose only concern is himself, but you actually claim that no man compares and he 'sets the bar so high.'
> 
> ...


I love how you get to the heart of the matter

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Justme1980, let your useless POS ex deal with his mess. Think about your own kids and what they must be going through. How old is your youngest? Stop hankering after a man who has shat all over you and your kids. Remember a man disrespecting the mother of his kids causes a lot of damage to those kids, put your focus where it should be and let him and the **** sort out their own mess, it is not your problem.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> Bear in mind that my parents raised a baby that "Wasn't theirs! OMG!!!" Actually, 2. My brother and me. So I may have a....different perspective.
> 
> This child needs love and a stable home. If you have the unselfish strength of character to love and raise a child who doesn't share your DNA, I say go for it. Especially if there is a chance to get full custody.
> 
> ...


The point is not whether or not the baby is her biological baby.

I raised 3 children who are not my biological children. One is a boy who I adopted at age 10 days old. He's 29 now. The other who are my step children whose mother abandoned them when they were bout 7 & 9. There are lots of people who raise children who are not their biological children.

The point, or rather problem here, is that she is has no rights to this child. The child's mother sounds like a psycho ***** who will make her life miserable. And her ex is using her to get help with a child. So she's looking at a lot of drama and being used. At any point the mother and/or father (her ex) could make it so that she can never see this child again. They can sap her emotionally and financially until they don't need that any more and the stop all access she has to the child.

Furthermore, real emotional damage can be done to a child that is caught up in a scenario like this. The child could become attached to her and then suddenly never be able to see her again at the mother or father's whim.

No one is saying not to love the child. The child is innocent. What people are saying is that the OP needs to protect herself from drama and being used by the parents that this poor child has.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JustMe1980 said:


> Bio mom doesn't care who is in his life. She basically walked out on her 6 and 3 year old for the affair hoping that her 1st ex husband would remarry so they would have a good mom. She is strange. I actually highly doubt that she will remain in the picture. I'm not sure how me being in this baby's life would complicate things more than a new relationship with another woman would. In that respect it might actually be less complicated than bringing in another woman who at our age would probably have other children.


Is she willing to give up custody of this baby... legal custody?

How involved are you wanting to get with raising this child? Babysit once in a while? Or have the child live with you and all that comes with that? 

To this child you are just like any other woman who would come in with her own children. To this child, you are just another women who has her own children. So how is that any less complicated?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

JustMe1980 said:


> I don't think either of us is up for remarrying. Not for a long while anyway. Not even talking about moving in together. There are issues that we need to address separately. It would take time and effort. If after that he chose to remarry me I don't think that I would feel like plan B. I personally am done with the in and out of marriage game for now. Its ridiculous.


So why do you think any child would benefit from being shuffled between three homes? Three people that act as parents?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It doesn't feel like you've given yourself a chance at all. You're institutionalized to the marriage and you may have divorced but you never escaped it.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Beach123 said:


> So why do you think any child would benefit from being shuffled between three homes? Three people that act as parents?


 The baby likely *wouldn't *benefit from playing musical homes. The OP is really doing it for her own selfish reasons.

The OP sees this baby as HER chance to have yet another child because all her kids are older and she said she always wanted another baby but it didn't happen. So she's willing to overlook that it's the love child of her cheating POS husband and his side piece who both screwed her over royally while she was still married to him.

Secondly, using the baby as an excuse to have her ex-POS back in her life "to help him raise his child' makes her appear altruistic and almost downright Saint-like, right? But getting back together with him *without* a baby would simply make her look foolish and desperate to everyone, so she's making this infant out to be a high-risk charity case who needs to be rescued immediately.

Come on OP, you know it's true.


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