# Why be so cruel and hurtful



## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

My wife wanted a divorce and was being mean and condescending so after trying to talk it through and work it out, I couldn't take no more so I filed for divorce. Before I even filed, she was on dating website and meeting another man. A week after I moved out, she was professing her love to the OM. LOL just a month before that, she was professing her love to me. That's just crazy. We had not spoken since I moved out simply because I was afraid to make a move because of what she might do as far as restraining order or something. Right before I filed, she drew up this document wanting it signed and notarized stating she would get any and all proceeds from sell of house. No way was I going to sign that. She listed the house way above what it's appraised value is. We had a hearing Monday and her attorney told the judge we wouldn't be divorcing that day and we might be able to work it out. LOL work it out?? I gave it a few days and I sent her flowers and got nothing but rude and cruel remarks. She rubbed the OM in my face and said she don't want me. She said no man would take anything from a woman that wasn't his, referring to money from sell of house. We just bought house 6 months ago and got married. We have no kids. She made the down payment, paid for upgrades that she wanted and I paid all house payments up until I moved out a month ago. I didn't encourage her to spend that money, she chose to. The house is in both our names but since it was purchased such a short time ago, there's not much equity in it. I do t care about the money. Since she wanted this divorce and has made it plain that she wants out. Then sell house so we are not tied together and our credit is locked up. What needs to happen is to just sell it to pay off the loan and chalk up the money we spent as a loss. Why is it that she is so spiteful, cruel and condescending? Why do that? I've tried to be civil, I've tried to save it. I sent flowers and had hoped to talk after her attorney made that statement to judge. Why do people act this way? This is not the woman I met, knew, and loved.
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## movinonup (May 6, 2014)

Clueless, only thing I can say is that people change, and unfortunately it's an all too common tale of a person to change (or maybe stay the same and we just don't notice their craziness until it's too late). Don't ask why, you'll never get your answer. Trust me. Sounds like she is moving on, or has moved on already, only advice I would have is to get your affairs in order and get through it with your head held high.

Did anything happen that you aren't sharing though? Seems like kind of a sudden change.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

It sounds like your emotions are being exploited and manipulated to so your wife can gain a stronger legal position.


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## movinonup (May 6, 2014)

:iagree: Same thing to happened to me. Be cautious.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long were you married for? How long did you date before that?

First guess... She doesn't respect you at all. Don't know if she ever did. 

Second guess... The OM was in the picture before you exited. You just didn't know it n

C
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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Becuase you allow it. Plain and simple
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

"Before I even filed, she was on dating website and meeting another man. A week after I moved out, she was professing her love to the OM. "

is that her side of the story? it was probably more like three months before you heard anything about a divorce. Now she's rewriting the history and making you the bad guy so everyone thinks she's the poor mistreated wife.

" I gave it a few days and I sent her flowers"

what the heck?


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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

PBear said:


> How long were you married for? How long did you date before that?
> 
> First guess... She doesn't respect you at all. Don't know if she ever did.
> 
> ...


We dated 8 months, got married and bought house. We have only been married for 6 months. We are still legally married but in the divorce process. When we met she was a wonderful thoughtful, soft spoken person and could find no wrong in me, could find no fault in me. She changed right after Christmas and started bashing me. I was already beaten down from losing a job and having to take a job I didn't like. No, I do t think she respects me at all. I'm a very passive soft spoken person and most refer toe as a nice guy. Of course the guy was in the picture, he would have had to have been. She got her feelings hurt when she read messages I sent to a friend talking about how I was being treated and how it appeared her son had no ambition and was heading down a bad path. She then got mad and said she wanted a divorce and couldn't be with anyone who talked about her kid. She accused me of lying about her in the message when I was simply stating facts, venting my hurt and frustration. Some people can pick others apart, yet they don't see their own self. I tried to talk to her about the way I was feeling and she just called me a complainer. Soon after she got mad over the messages and announced she wanted divorce, about two weeks later I found the dating profile of her. When I showed it to her, she said why should she not look she's not going to stay married. Two weeks later she's posting snide little pics of this man on her FB and making comments between her and her girlfriend about him. 3 days after I move out she's with him. Apparently this OM has no morals and apparently she doesn't either even though she profess to be Christian and posts stuff for people to pray for her and stuff about GOD.
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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

How old are you both?


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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

I'm 44 and she is 47 and she has hit menapausal.


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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

Bluebirdie said:


> How old are you both?


I am 44 and she is 47 and she has professed during the fall right after we married that she hit menapausal.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Let me see if I got this right.

You two married 6 months ago.

You bought a house in both your names and she made the down payment.

She wants her down payment back.

How much down payment did she put into the house?


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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Let me see if I got this right.
> 
> You two married 6 months ago.
> 
> ...


No, she wants everything from sell of house and says I deserve nothing. She made the down payment because she wouldn't wait 3 days for my bank to cut a cashier check for the $9 thousand down payment. Everything has always been "right now" with her and she discusses nothing. Just does things. Then we move in and the next thing I know, she is spending all this money she had from sell of her former house on upgrades she wanted to house and we really didn't need the upgrades. It was her money and she spent it the way she wanted. I'm an easy going person and I just told her it was her money to spend however she wanted,but if it were me; I would leave it in the bank and save it. We really didn't need all the stuff she wanted done to house. She claims she spent $50 thousand. Now that she wants this divorce and we are in divorce process. She has sent me hurtful messages that no real man would take some from a woman that don't belong to him. I made every house payment and paid for some plumbing repair work and septic repair work up until I moved out a month ago. I moved out because I had taken so much emotional abuse and she was sending threatening messages and I was afraid of what she might do so I ceased trying to even communicate with her. I don't care about the money, I'm out roughly 8 thousand in payments or more. I can't help it that she chose to spend the money she spent. I never encouraged it. The house only appraises for $218 thousand and we owe the mortgage lender $175 thousand. She put the house on the market and set the selling price at $269 thousand. There is no way it will sell for that or even close to that for her to get the money she spent. And yet she blames me telling me I'm trying to take her money. I didn't take anything. I don't care about the money. She's the one that has OM and wanted divorce so I filed. Yet she continues to hurt me at every corner and say nasty things to me in messages and about me and spread rumors. I spoke with her attorney and told him I don't care about the money and told him what she wanted and what it appraised for and what is owed. He's in agreement that there is no way and she's going to take a hit and the only thing he wants to do is work something out to get rid of the house and free us both from the debt. I told him I didn't care and that it needs priced and set to sell and effort made to sell it and all I care about is getting the mortgage loan paid off and us both real eased from the debt. I'm not going to take blame for what she did on her own and what she is choosing to do now. I think it is sad cause I loved her and as soon as we married, she changed toward me and found nothing but fault in me where during our dating time, she could find no fault in me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She put $9000 in the house of her sole assets. She should get $ 9,000 back. Then the two of you split any other $$ that you get from the sale. That's how it usually works. 

As for the rest of it.

There are often huge surprises after marriage. What I mean is that sometimes the person we marry turns out to be not at all like we expected after marriage. Sounds like you both experienced this. She is not who you thought she was. You are not who she thought you were.

So you divorce and move on. 

Why are you letting her contact you? What you do when an ex it constantly sending you nasty txts, emails, etc. is that you stop all contact. Send her an email saying that she is not to contact you anymore on any topic except the sale of the house.

She can email you. This way you can read the emails, take time to process the email before you respond. Unless it's something that need immediate response, wait 24 hours before responding. Then only respond in very busyness like terms to things that are business. 

If she rants on insulting you and being hyper emotional... so what. Ignore it. Do not respond to any thing emotional.

Look at the 180 linked to in my signature block below. That's is how you need to interact with her in the future.


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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

Well I was served a DVP at my parents which is embarrassing and her claims I harass her and she was awarded a house and requested keys??? She's not been awarded a house. I have not seen her since I moved out one month ago except for a temporary hearing where her attorney told the judge he felt we could work it out and told me to give it a couple of days and contact her. When I contacted her she said insulting things and rubbed the other man in my face so I quit texting and called her attorney and told him there was nothing to work out that I'm done and we need divorced and the house sold and priced to sell because I've had no say in the matter. Now I get served by DVP and that makes me look bad and so I'm going to get an attorney. She claims I harass her and constantly text her and lied saying she was awarded the house and requesting keys. So I'm done, I don't want to ever look at or see her and I will be getting an attorney to try and help me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Getting served with divorce papers does not make you look bad. You already knew that she wanted a divorce. This is just how a divorce works. By law you have to be served with the divorce papers.


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