# Can I have a Hallpass for Christmas?



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

My relationship is dead. I am supposed to meet with my wife for couples counseling tomorrow. Is it wrong to use our counselor as a mediator? I would like to use the session to work out how to deconstruct what is left with our marriage, and "iron out" the details of our separation. Reconciliation would be nice, but I just don't see it as a pursuable goal.

Also, this will likely be our last Christmas together as some form of a family. Her mother usually has a big holiday hootenanny, but does anyone out there think at this point it's important that I attend? I have always enjoyed a good relationship with her mom, I just hate being around my wife. Thanksgiving was painful enough. So guys, I've been good this year. Can I have a hallpass for Christmas? LIL


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## alone in love (Nov 10, 2009)

If your wife is going to the counseling session to try and save the marriage, then I think it would be a bad idea to use it to iron out a separation. Either let your wife know beforehand that you want to use the session for that, or use the session to try to work out the marriage. As for Christmas - holidays are stressful enough. I'm sure it would be okay for you to miss this one, given the situation that you're in. Even though you like your mother-in-law, missing this event will not be the end of the world for anyone. 

That's my opinion. Hope it helps.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I agree that using the counselor as a mediator probably isn't the best idea, but the counselor can honestly look at the both of you and let you know what they see. From that you both can make informed decisions.

Honestly, I would think that it would be better for you not to go to the holiday celebrations together, it would be awkward. That and I wouldn't want to make anyone else unhappy during Christmas, so I would opt out and make some small plan to have the holiday elsewhere. Sounds logical to me!


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Thanks for your responses alone in love and DawnD. I appreciate the Christmas hallpass guys, it really goes nice with my shoes. 

As for the mediator issue, I did inform her in advance that this was in fact my primary intention. That being said, the only one who will be "in the dark" I guess is our counselor, and he'll find out soon enough. 

My goal from counseling with her is just to reestablish healthy communication, so we can effectively co-parent and unravel our lives from one another. LIL


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Oh, well if she already knows that then go for it man. I agree that co-parenting will take some really effective communication skills and I hope that it can be a painless process for you both. 

LOL @ the hallpass going nice with your shoes. Have you planned on having a Christmas celebration with just you and your children?? H and I will celebrate one here with our kids Saturday and then have a small one with his family on Christmas day.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I would base this decision on how the children will react and whether they have been told yet about your impending divorce. I don't think Christmas is the right time to explain the real reason you are not there & sometimes it's worth enduring a lillte awkwardness to keep their lives as stable as possible until the inevitable separation occurs and they have been properly informed of the situation.


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