# Husband wants to separate but still live together



## Reesh413 (Jul 27, 2020)

My husband who is also my best friend (so I thought) is in an emotional or possible full on relationship with someone else. He is lying to me about it. He says he is not cheating...that they are just friends.

Talking to someone for 2 hours a day, texting all day, guarding his phone with his life, says it’s a friend from work named “Kyle” but caught him FaceTiming this girl this weekend. Reverse searched the number and found all her information.

Also, 2 years ago he informed me he made a mistake and because of that mistake, he has a 7 month old son with someone else. It killed me, devastated me but I chose to stay with him to try to work in out for our children. Now his new son is a part of our lives and I treat him like my own and love him very much.

Clearly he can’t help but cheat on me. I obviously have been in denial for years and he just doesn’t want to be with me anymore.

Our children (aside from the 2 year old with another woman) are 16 and 17 years old. He is a great Father and honestly a really good hard working man other then he can’t be trusted.

I finally have the courage to not put up with this anymore (I’m not perfect and have my own issues). I said we should separate but he said “We can still live together in this house until the kids graduate High School. This is in the kids best interest.” 

How am I supposed to do that? I love this man so much he has been my everything for 21 years!! I’m so angry with him but I still just want to hold him, pretend this didn’t happen, cry on him...but I can’t and that kills me. So how can we possibly live in the same house and be separated?? 

He says that he can’t afford to live somewhere else and still pay for the house we are in now..which honestly is true. I currently work a part time job and he makes 10 times the amount I do. 

I’m rambling but I don’t know what to do so I am would love thoughts and opinions please.

Thank you!!!


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Please don't listen to his insistence that his staying in the house is in the interest of the kids. That's BS. It's in HIS best interest that he's not thrown out on his ass. If he gets to stay, he gets everything he still wants! His doting wife, his girlfriend on the phone and in person whenever he wants, all the access to the children he wants, NOT paying for 2 houses even though he's the one who chose to cheat on his wife, not paying child support and/or spousal support!

Of course he wants to separate, but stay in the house. Wouldn't that be the best case scenario for him, pretty much all the way around?


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## Reesh413 (Jul 27, 2020)

Yes that is true it would be the best case scenario for him. I am just afraid of making the wrong decision and causing upheaval in my kids life.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> He is a great Father and honestly a really good hard working man other then he can’t be trusted.


Stop trying to make the best of a bad situation. Ask your kids, is he a good father. And how hard working is he really. Is his affair partner someone at work?

I know times are really hard right now, but at least solicit some advice and start making your escape plan for you and your biological kids.

I've tried to normalize situations in the past. Years go by and you will become very angry with yourself that you didn't do more to get the best, or at least better, for your self and your kids.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Take him to the cleaners and teach this entitled cake eater a lesson he sorely needs to learn!


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

He just wants the cheapest way out.



Reesh413 said:


> This is in the kids best interest.


No, it isn't. The kids learn that daddy can do what he wants, with impunity.



Reesh413 said:


> he informed me he made a mistake


Interesting..... that's what he calls a "mistake"..... no, it ain't no mistake. It was a deliberate action of his selfishness.

Get a barracuda-SOB lawyer, throw his a$$ out, and MAKE HIM PAY.



Reesh413 said:


> I currently work a part time job


Start trying to find a job which can support you and your children. Your marriage is, unfortunately, over.



Reesh413 said:


> He is a great Father and honestly a really good hard working man


No, he is not a good father, and there is not a shred of honesty in him. He may work hard, but that's the only truth in your statement. He is a HORRIBLE father, a liar, and an adultering scoundrel.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Don't do it. It will kill your soul (not that he would give a crap about that). He is not a great father. He is a selfish jerk who doesn't give a crap about you or his kids.

Don't use your kids as an excuse to postpone the inevitable. He could very well impregnate this woman which would cut into the pie for child support. File now.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Let your head, not your heart lead you through this situation.


Reesh413 said:


> Yes that is true it would be the best case scenario for him. I am just afraid of making the wrong decision and causing upheaval in my kids life.


It wouldn't be YOU causing upheaval in their lives. This is not happening because of you.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Wow, you sound like a saint to put up with all that. Here's what I think: if he were concerned about the best interest of his children, he wouldn't have cheated...bottom line. You even FORGAVE a "MISTAKE" he made and even had a child out of. He's taking advantage of your good nature by wanting to remain in the home. He also is probably well aware of the fact that you still love him/want him, so it would be a win/win for him. Tell him you no longer want him in the home, your kids are old enough, no need to wait til they graduate. It's even dysfunctional to live like that. I know it's hard to let go of someone you love, but truthfully, he's not treated you the way you deserve, he clearly doesn't love you... it's time to put yourself first for once. And don't feel any guilt in doing that!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Reesh413 said:


> Yes that is true it would be the best case scenario for him. I am just afraid of making the wrong decision and causing upheaval in my kids life.


Your kids are old enough to understand it. Mine are 12 and 15 and they are very much ok wiht our divorce. 

I do not recommend following his advise and living in one house for next few years like roommates. This will take big toll on your mental health, and that kind of sharade is not good for kids either. I am going through this right now, we haven't divorce yet, still working on agreeing on all financial details, and it's stressful. We are trying to be amicable, and there is no big arguments, but once decision is made about split, living together is not good option.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Reesh413 said:


> Yes that is true it would be the best case scenario for him. I am just afraid of making the wrong decision and causing upheaval in my kids life.


No, you need to file for divorce. You can accept this maybe once, but never twice. And guess what it has been more that twice. 

Get your plan together, start working if you are not now, and get a lawyer and move on with your life. 

He is not going to change...


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Does your husband pay child support for the 2 year old? If he does, that can limit the amount YOU get. If he doesn't, you need to get on that ASAP.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

You need to make a livable income. One of my sisters was in the same situation as you when she decided to divorce her husband. He is a dentist and she was the receptionist at the office. He had to pay for her education and spousal support until she graduated and found a job.

You need to separate so you can start to heal. What he has done is wrong and I’m sorry you have found yourself in this position.

Stay strong and find a great job.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Nope. That may benefit him but it doesn’t benefit you. First of all, you need a good job. Are you qualified for one? If not, you need to go back to school so you can support yourself. Don’t depend on Mr. Can’t Keep It In His Pants.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Reesh413 said:


> My husband who is also my best friend (so I thought) is in an emotional or possible full on relationship with someone else. He is lying to me about it. He says he is not cheating...that they are just friends.
> 
> Talking to someone for 2 hours a day, texting all day, guarding his phone with his life, says it’s a friend from work named “Kyle” but caught him FaceTiming this girl this weekend. Reverse searched the number and found all her information.
> 
> ...



My immediate response when I read this was "Hell no!" He wants to have his cake, cookies it all and eat them too. He has no respect for your or your long term marriage you need to show him you will not tolerate his BS and kick him out and sue him for every penny he is worth. you have let him walk all over you for years.

A 7 month old son is not a 'mistake.' He knew exactly what he was doing. You gave him too much face when you put up with that and you have taught him how to treat you (i.e. anyway he wants to as you will always be there with open arms to take him back!).
Put a stop to this disrespect now.
Yes, he is a serial cheater and you would be much better alone than with that. And no he is NOT a great father. He might be hardworking but a great father is one who respects his wife and the mother of his children and shows through his actions. You think that your almost adult kids don't know what a POS your cheating husband is? They know!!!
No you will not live separate in the house while he goes out ****ing other women, you gotta be kidding me!
You tell him, you are not going to cover for him. You go and see a lawyer (don't have to tell him) and see what are the best options for you! Do not be a doormat. he wants to come off smelling like roses but live a bachelor life style, while killing you slowly over a period of time, why on earth would you agree to that??

See the lawyer. Do what is right for you. Why should you give a **** about what happens to your WH? That is his problem!
You need to do 180, disengage and look after yourself and kids only. Stop cooking, washing, etc for him, he can get his OW to do that. You have to start standing up for yourself and putting your foot down and taking back your self respect now. It is not your problem if he has to live in a hovel and eat noodles, that was his choice to blow up the marriage, so these are the consequences. He wants to have his cushy lifestyle and play the field, he really has a nerve. he probably expects you to cook and clean for him too while he is out dating other women!

Go see the lawyer, get a good bulldog one.
hard 180,
Tell all family and friends. This is not your shame, it is his, let him handle it
Tell your kids what their father is doing, they probably already know
have you got a job, qualifications
Go see a counselor and start taking back control of your life and ensure you and the kids are ok
Stop cooking for him, cleaning, laundry, everything, let him see what is like to not have you in his life anymore
Ask him to move out
Let him see the consequences of his actions


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

You said you feel courage. Take that courage and ask him to move out and find a lawyer and get a divorce. He has not respected you. He is not your friend. What an ass hat of a man,. Please show your children how to be strong and how to have boundaries.


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