# Need some advice



## 1980leo (Sep 4, 2012)

Hello to all,

Im new to this idea of posting about personal things in my life, but Im simply at a point I have never been at and hope some people out there may have some advice to offer. Im 32, married but separated and my wife has filed for divorce, but has not served papers and will wait to do so until after we have met with a third party (she is calling it closure counseling as of now). 

To be honest, I think my wife will want to finalize our divorce because she simply feels I have put her through to much for her to be able to trust this again. I have never had a affair but I have done things (strip clubs very very rarely with friends to celebrate something...didnt tell her...and some innocent, although hurtful to her, flirting with girls earlier on in our marriage.

We have been unable to get pregnant and have been trying for 3 years to do so. We both have medical issues and really want kids, but I hit a wall back in May of this year. I basically felt our life had simply become so unhappy because we didnt have children and our relationship was seriously hurting from our lack of happiness. Throughout our relationship I have said mean and hurtful things to her during an argument which i didnt mean and only wanted to make an impact on her in that moment. I know this was dumb. However, we probably all regret things we have said in the heat of battle. Also, we have had some intimacy problems due to some issues within me and my background trusting women (bio and step mom have troubled me). 

Where it all starts and ends right now is that back in May I had asked my wife to not want kids anymore and we could just enjoy life as a married couple. This was so stupid and selfish because I was simply wanting her to follow my plan and ideas. I really want kids but the pain, plus her pain, of not having one was ruining me. She did not want this and so I brought up divorce as an opportunity for both of us to get what we want out of life...I could stop the pain of trying and she could pursue with another person. A couple weeks of fighting, being angry and emotional, and starting to take the steps of divorcing, I woke up and sought help on my own for the things I was struggling with. I realized these issues had nothing to do with my wife but with my not dealing with some things in my own life. 

I had a breakdown and without making the marriage sound so bad (it has been so great at times as well as really hard), well, I just didnt know what else to do. My wife had enough, moved to her parents, and filed on Jun 14 of this year. I asked her not to and wondered if what we were doing was the wrong idea. I think it is and want to rebuild our marriage stronger than before. However, my wife, while going to her own therapist, had decided on a 90 day no contact rule and has slowly indicated she is done for good. I cant help but keep believing we can work things out because nothing is happening right now. We spoke two weeks ago for the first time in a while and she was still so angry and hurt nothing really was resolved. She has done a few things to indicate she is moving forward (separation of some assets) but I dont know if those are simply her way of trying to be more independent. I have told her I love her (not in a sappy way) and will stand as long as I can for our marriage. I have owned my faults, sought help, and would like to seek help together to get this relationship back on track. 

Any idea of where to go from her as a way to let her go, still keep hope she will come back, and even begin to prepare for the worst? She has said she will not serve papers to me until we go to one counseling appt....but this could change as all things in life can and do. Thanks for the help!


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Sounds like she has moved on, and you should, too.

Start getting your own life in independent mode. Better yourself, etc... When she sees you are ready to move on, she may have second thoughts, but I doubt it.


----------

