# Anyone have violent thoughts or about being betrayed?



## razorsedge (Apr 9, 2012)

Am I alone in having violent thoughts about beating the sh*$#t out of the OM should I find out my W has had an affair with him? I do not have these thoughts about hurting my W physically (emotionally, yes though). 

I get ticked off thinking about the possibility of finding out my W cheated on me. I need to find a way to focus on other things until I find out for sure.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

It's not uncommon. 

The interesting thing is how much we avoid directing that anger at the wife who is doing the betraying. Especially considering that if OM is single, then the wife is potentially doing the majority of the "bad" stuff (betraying vows, lying, sneaking, etc).

Note: This would make a good survey question** to see how common/different violent angry thoughts are in betrayed men vs betrayed women.

** assuming we could a TAM survey thread that wasn't hijacked six ways to Sunday by page 4.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

been there, still would like to do it

but I know better


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I'd have murderous thoughts for the person she cheated with, not her personally. 

I wouldn't want to be anywhere near her. The bitterness/resentment/mindmovies, not to mention the thought of even being physically intimate with her after that piece of sh!t was there would induce violent dry heaving.


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

Thought about it alot when Dday happened. Even called him up and threatened him (he hung up). Think about it alot less now that we are in R but I still have a burning hatred toward him. I imagine that we'll cross paths in public, and this thought occurs to me if I'm out and about, and what would happen. But I know better. An assault charge just isn't worth it. Another thought that comes to my mind is the opening scene of the Godfather, when the father asks the Godfather to beat up the guys who assaulted his daughter. I wish I knew a Godfather...


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I have imagined different scenarios.
I was shocked by a stat I read that wives who kill cheating husbands do so after being pushed to the limit and discovering repeated betrayals. It made me see the as having been pushed to a limit beyond all reason. Just like the song Frankie and Johnny.

But I have kids and love them entirely. I told my husband, the AP and my IC: I will NEVER give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me behave in an immature, irrational or violent way. I will retain dignity to the end whatever that may be. My kids need a stable adult in their lives, and that will always be me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

You have not provided a backstory here so its tough to know if your W cheated or not. Having said that, I used to struggle with those thoughts myself, then one day I realized that the OM now has to deal with all her crap and I just kind of laugh about it. Sucks to be him. They are now broke up because he couldn't deal with it. 
As for you, work on yourself. Do the 180 and just let her go if she is cheating. You will thank yourself later.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I had all sorts of revenge fantasies from as light as tire slashing to kidnapping him and taking him to the woods where I would dig a hole for him to stand in while I tortured him for hours and eventually bury him alive


fun stuff


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

The ramifications are certainly harsh for violent actions, but unless cheater's suffer hard consequences will our society ever get better? I doubt it.


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## razorsedge (Apr 9, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> You have not provided a backstory here so its tough to know if your W cheated or not. Having said that, I used to struggle with those thoughts myself, then one day I realized that the OM now has to deal with all her crap and I just kind of laugh about it. Sucks to be him. They are now broke up because he couldn't deal with it.
> As for you, work on yourself. Do the 180 and just let her go if she is cheating. You will thank yourself later.


I "think" she cheated many years ago and I believe I have lived in denial for a very long time. I do not think she has cheated in the last 10 years or so. I am having a paternity test done next week that she is unaware of. If I am correct, than she has kept a big lie going on for almost 19 years about our childs father. I am not sure I am the biological father although she has sworn many times I am. I hope this test will answer many questions in my head and put the "what if" thoughts to rest.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

The night of my d-day, I called my wife and told her not to come home because I would kill her. Lucky for her (and me) that she stayed away until the next morning.

My anger shifted to wanting to do great harm to the OM. In fact, I still keep a bat under the counter of my shop just in case he shows up.

A few weeks after d-day, I popped the movie 'Unfaithful' into the DVD player and silently cheered while Richard Gere cracked open his wife's lover's head with a very large snow globe. (Sorry for the spoiler but then again the movie is ten years old.)

I also think about the movie 'Revenge' with Kevin Costner, where the Anthony Quinn character masochistically gets retribution on Costner and Madeline Stowe (Quinn's wife in the move.)

Alas, these vengeful actions, while satisfying to think about, need to remain fantasies and Hollywood creations.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Violent thoughts naturally accompany anger. I had thoughts of doing away with him, her, his car, his house, and his dog. Well, maybe not the dog. 

Thoughts are natural. We can dream.

Just have enough self control not to act stupid.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

razorsedge said:


> Am I alone in having violent thoughts about beating the sh*$#t out of the OM should I find out my W has had an affair with him? I do not have these thoughts about hurting my W physically (emotionally, yes though).
> 
> I get ticked off thinking about the possibility of finding out my W cheated on me. I need to find a way to focus on other things until I find out for sure.


I would say that is perfectly normal.

I've fantasized about taking a heavy machine gun to the Mall on Black Friday while some sappy adult contemporary song from Air Supply plays over the loudspeakers.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

razorsedge said:


> I "think" she cheated many years ago and I believe I have lived in denial for a very long time. I do not think she has cheated in the last 10 years or so. I am having a paternity test done next week that she is unaware of. If I am correct, than she has kept a big lie going on for almost 19 years about our childs father. I am not sure I am the biological father although she has sworn many times I am. I hope this test will answer many questions in my head and put the "what if" thoughts to rest.


razoredge, I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but I had my head up my azz for 20 years and 65 days before discovering that neither of "our" children were fathered by me.
Had I decided to "get even", I would have had to train for it for six months since she doesn't even know which (of many) of the guys she was seeing slipped her the seed.
The best thing a guy can do when faced with this is move on and try being more selective about their future spouse. (I have chosen to have no more wives and it's woking very well thus far.)


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its been so long since her affair it would be hard to get out of a insanity plea.

If youv'e done time before then maybe you can handle the consequences.

Did the OM even know he was with a married chick?

There are a couple of things I"ve learned having someone do you a "favor" is not worth the pay back. Often returning the favor is worse then taking care of the "business" your self. Second, after being shot I learned that life with revenge is no life at all.


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## ShatteredinAL (Feb 5, 2012)

I frequently fantasize about running over the OW with my car, setting her on fire and watching her burn, all sorts of things that are completely over the top for me. I've always gone out of my way to avoid confrontation with anyone, but I would pay good money to meet up with her in a dark alley. Problem is that my H is just as much, if not more, to blame for everything but I don't have these thoughts about him. I feel crazy sometimes.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Yes, I would like to punch her face in and pour stinking brown beer over her head just as she heads out for a night on the town, then kick her in the face for good measure. My man tries to stop me so I give him a good punch too, then he runs out the door after me while we leave her there in a wet soggy beer smelling fat lipped mess.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

Shouldn't the rage be directed more towards the cheating spouse not the other man/woman?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> Shouldn't the rage be directed more towards the cheating spouse not the other man/woman?


Traditionally, in western societies, it is open season on adulterers (i.e. males of any marital status sexing somebody's wife). Rome, Greece, Israel, Texas allowed the man whose lineage was adulterated to eliminate the interloper under certain conditions. Of course, the wife was going down too, although the Texas courts eventually stopped allowing the instant termination of the marriage through the death of the wife back in the 30's. Adulterers were no longer subject to summary justice after the repeal of the paramour law in 1974.

Wanting to kill a man who has copulated with one of your women is as fundamental and as old as marriage. And doing so was just as legal, until recently.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

I'd have to say that if I caught my wife cheating and knew who he was, chances are very good he'd get punched in the face by me right before I packed my things up - moved out - and divorced my wife!


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

No I never had strong thoughts on this when this happened to me in the past. Men are going to try to get women in bed...it's the way of the world and has been since the beginning of time. Unless the man is a friend or relative, they have no obligation to you or your relationship. It's not a nice thing to have sex with another man's wife or girlfriend but if she lets him it's fair game in a way.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

I have murderous thoughts all day long, but that would only get me in trouble. Why sacrifice myself for a jerk.

But i did text him threatening legal action, and he text back saying he did nothing wrong and it was my fault my wife cheated. 

What a great guy my wife bagged. She will be so happy with someone like him, they probably deserve each other cause I definitely don't deserve this...

Anyway, I think it is normal to have hate, vengeance and violent thoughts for the OM, but let them be thoughts. If you find a smart way to avenge yourself, like drag him to jail and destroy his life legally, then by all means, have fun...

But remember to deal with your wife as well. I learned that, I know what I must do...


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

YES YES YES!!! During when he was in the fog I wanted to hurt them BOTH, and now even during R, I still want to whop him upside the head, I have alot of mixed feelings on the OW, sometimes I want to hurt her because she helped destroy 2 families (hers and mine) but then part of me feels for her because my H fed her alot of bs lies and she got hurt bad (her mate committed suicide when A was exposed)...its sad to want to run someone over with your car one minute and help them the next.


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## Unresolved (Apr 14, 2012)

I discovered my husbands infidelity through the AP'S phone number and discovered her address online. 

I called and she wasn't going to budge until I did some digging and got her full name and address. Then I told her if she wasn't going to fess up I'd be coming to her door in the next hour and get the info face to face. 

Do I still think I should've gone, yes maybe. Would I have wound up in jail? 100 percent


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

blinky said:


> The AP could have found his/her own partner who didn't belong to you first, but they didn't. They tried to steal from the BS's life instead.


Maybe that is it for me. I have emails from the AP where she says she drove by our home to catch a glimpse of my WS's car and she describes this idyllic white-picket fence life that she clearly projected onto us. She said herself she is jealous and wanted that for herself. But the thing is, as far as I can tell, she could have all that and more, with OWH and her kid, she just chooses not to. 

The thing that made me white-hot with anger is that before DD#1, my WS, at least 3x, used our kids as a cover and would try and meet up with the AP and her son as sort of "playdates." My kids were very small (2 and 3) but as you can imagine I EXPLODED when I found out about that and at least he never tried that again...although of course he wasn't strong enough to break it off with HER for some time to come. But if I want to turn on instant anger, I just imagine her talking to my kids.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

it's normal dude.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

There may be a few reasons that it is easier for the BS to direct anger at the AP instead of the WS. One simple reason is that if the BS is choosing to try and R, directing hate and anger at the WS will most of the time be counter productive. Another simple reason may be that in most situations (forgive the blanket statement) the WS is acting out of character (at least in the eyes of the BS) while the AP (unestablished character) can easily be seen as acting within their 'evil' character. Lastly, I think its hard to hate someone you love/d, I found the task to be impossible. All that being said, the OM in my story took advantage of a person suffering from mental illness and substance abuse. The OM was told on multiple occasions of said problems, the work that was being done to correct them with medication and counseling, but continued to marginalize them in order to satisfy his own dysfunctional need to break up a marriage.

I would be a class A liar if I said I did not think about doing the blood eagle on him a few times. However, after really giving it some thought, I felt nothing but pity toward him. He is so blind and delusional, stumbling through the fog of his own dysfunction, that polluting my own heart and soul with the trash of hateful thought seems like a giant waste of time. He is truly alone, he doesnt even have himself for company, because I dont think he is self aware. How can I feel anything but pity for that? (then again, he would certainly be a pretty sight with the blood eagle done on him, maybe in his parents living room or bed room, the duality of man eh?)


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Maybe it's just me, but I've had fantasies of the OMW beating the sh!t out of my WW.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Back in early January I left work early on a Friday. My drive home was about two hours. I was drinking bourbon hard on the way home. I decided to stop by the meat plant where the OM worked as he worked 7 to 3. There were about 30 cars in the parking lot. I could not get into the building at first as all the doors were locked. I busted in the back. No one was in the building. I searched every office, every closet, etc. I was pis*ed. Computers were on, lights were on but no one was there. I found the security room and looked at what the cameras recorded. Even in my drunken state it just showed me trying to get in where the entrances were and there were no cameras that showed me busting into the building. Everyone must have been off site at a holiday party.

All I know is that I am very fortunate that no one was there. I called a friend of mine who is a Vietnam Vet., a guy i worked with for years in federal service and who I helped out in the past. He talked to me and told me to leave and talked to me all the way to my house.

This was a stupid bone-headed move on my part. And had the OM been there where would it have gotten me?

The reality is my WS picked the OM up near his house or at the meat plant. The OM did not have to go out of his way at any time.

My anger got the best of me and so did my drinking.

I can say that being in combat where you have the ability to kill if the situation allows it is part of my mind set. The ability to have the discipline to turn it off is there as well. We teach soldiers to be able to assess a situation and use the means at their disposal to take care of business or to back off. We are taught primary, secondary and tertiary order of effects. We do not call an airstrike with a 500 lbs. bomb to kill one person when there are innocent bystanders there. I have been in the military for over 37 years and have served in combat. I know better then to have done what I did and am glad the OM was not there.

So yes I had violent thoughts and I acted out on them. I am not proud of this.


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## naperken (Feb 21, 2012)

I'm struggling with this same issue right now. My wife and I are in full disclosure and reconciliation is proceeding better than expected. Regardless, the thought of another man's penis having been inside my wife makes my nauseous and at some level full of rage. The double standards, at the same time, are mind boggling. How can I forgive my wife's brief 'insanity' and direct all my rage at the OM?

I have all sorts of fantasies of confronting the bastard, ranging from verbal to physical abuse to malicious property destruction... None of which are remotely part of my core personality.

Would be interested in hearing some perspective from other folks on what methods were effective in letting go and moving on. I've heard that writing a letter and then ceremoniously burning it can be therapeutic. Any thoughts?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Like I said, I wouldn't intervene if the OMW ever met up with my fWW and slapped the sh!t out of her. 

_Pssst! OMW, here's some brass knuckles for ya._

jk of course.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

naperken said:


> I'm struggling with this same issue right now. My wife and I are in full disclosure and reconciliation is proceeding better than expected. Regardless, the thought of another man's penis having been inside my wife makes my nauseous and at some level full of rage. The double standards, at the same time, are mind boggling. How can I forgive my wife's brief 'insanity' and direct all my rage at the OM?
> 
> I have all sorts of fantasies of confronting the bastard, ranging from verbal to physical abuse to malicious property destruction... None of which are remotely part of my core personality.
> 
> Would be interested in hearing some perspective from other folks on what methods were effective in letting go and moving on. I've heard that writing a letter and then ceremoniously burning it can be therapeutic. Any thoughts?


I was at the OM's house in December several times. I was drunk. I could see people inside. I called my wife and she talked me home. I thought about slashing tires, using Round up and spelling words in the OM's yard. Going to his church with a picket sign. I could go on.

The OM has over 1.1 million hits on cheaterville.com. I talked to his employer, his pastor.

I have done enough with him. If they do get into contact I will certainly do more but at this stage I think my WS and the OM are done.

First of all it was done. My wife cheated. It can't be undone. Second, how do we get over it. Thinking through our reactions. Yelling FU (wife's name) everytime I pass the hotels where she had sex, or the OM's house. This happens at least twice a week. But the best thing is realizing that you really do want R and saying to yourself that yes this hurts and yes this triggers me but I want the marriage to work and I need to get over it.

If we are in R then we need to get over things as well as the WS. 

How, talk. Talk to your WS, talk to friends, talk here.

Write a letter to the OM and post it here.

Rant and rave here.

This is what is helping me.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

naperken said:


> I'm struggling with this same issue right now. My wife and I are in full disclosure and reconciliation is proceeding better than expected. Regardless, the thought of another man's penis having been inside my wife makes my nauseous and at some level full of rage. The double standards, at the same time, are mind boggling. How can I forgive my wife's brief 'insanity' and direct all my rage at the OM?
> 
> I have all sorts of fantasies of confronting the bastard, ranging from verbal to physical abuse to malicious property destruction... None of which are remotely part of my core personality.
> 
> Would be interested in hearing some perspective from other folks on what methods were effective in letting go and moving on. I've heard that writing a letter and then ceremoniously burning it can be therapeutic. Any thoughts?


wasn't it just an EA?


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## naperken (Feb 21, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> wasn't it just an EA?


Warlock, you have a very good memory. 

So, I was told, at first. She wanted to tell me but was told by her therapist and mine that no good would come from my knowing that it was briefly physical. After reading Dr. Glass, I bought into the 'waxing with a dirty mop' metphor and she unhesitatingly told me everything I wanted to know... number of times, places, etc.

It was a brief setback, but she has done everything she's supposed to do. We've read _Not 'Just Friends'_ together, she understands how her lack of boundaries, love, and attention from parental neglect (her dad died from cancer when she was 5 and her mom worked long hours, supporting 3) when she was young created a perfect storm of vulnerabilities. She has truly taken on the 'healer' role, which is why I'm sticking out.

So, let this be a lesson to you folks still in the middle of gaining full disclosure. When your spouse says, "we only kissed and hugged" and somebody on this forum says that's merely a code word for intercourse, BELIEVE THEM!


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

naperken said:


> So, I was told, at first. She wanted to tell me but was told by her therapist and mine that no good would come from my knowing that it was briefly physical.


Don't you find that so depressing? I mean, what, are we so fragile that we can't handle knowing this information? For the life of me I cannot think of a single reason why a counselor would take such a position.

I keep returning over and over to the core of what it means to having been betrayed by an affair. For any WS's out there reading this:

IT'S ABOUT THE *LYING*, STUPID!!!​


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

naperken said:


> Warlock, you have a very good memory.
> 
> So, I was told, at first. She wanted to tell me but was told by her therapist and mine that no good would come from my knowing that it was briefly physical. After reading Dr. Glass, I bought into the 'waxing with a dirty mop' metphor and she unhesitatingly told me everything I wanted to know... number of times, places, etc.
> 
> ...


I just don't understand some therapists. I am one. One Veteran I worked with on his PTSD from combat. One of his goals was to deal with his anger. He told me that during the week prior to the session how he went off on a company for cutting off his service. It was the company's error. He was dealing with the company for over a week and was cursing, screaming, threatening the employees. He was also taking his anger out on his family. The 800 lbs. gorilla in the room was not the boneheaded company, but his reaction to their stupidity. I could have sat there and said, "Oh poor boy, this must be painful and thanks for sharing". The cause of his anger was not the issue. We all deal with stupid companies. The issue is how to deal with the anger and how to direct it, control it and release it. Your therapists are doing a great disservice. It is like going to the doctor and he knows you have cancer and does not tell you, for whatever reason. So the therapists want to keep it a secret. Yet the secret is part of the the problem. Then you go through with life and you find out a week later or years later, then what? You D. Your WS goes back to the therapist and says, what? Some therapists do not like bringing more trauma into a situation but I think it is unfair. In your case you don't get from the therapist or the WS the truth or even the trauma. Like the doctor and the cancer, if you don't know what you are dealing with your courses of action may be totally off base. How does a therapist explain a STD, a pregnancy, or you being told the truth about the PA by someone else?


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## naperken (Feb 21, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> I just don't understand some therapists. I am one. One Veteran I worked with on his PTSD from combat. One of his goals was to deal with his anger. He told me that during the week prior to the session how he went off on a company for cutting off his service. It was the company's error. He was dealing with the company for over a week and was cursing, screaming, threatening the employees. He was also taking his anger out on his family. The 800 lbs. gorilla in the room was not the boneheaded company, but his reaction to their stupidity. I could have sat there and said, "Oh poor boy, this must be painful and thanks for sharing". The cause of his anger was not the issue. We all deal with stupid companies. The issue is how to deal with the anger and how to direct it, control it and release it. Your therapists are doing a great disservice. It is like going to the doctor and he knows you have cancer and does not tell you, for whatever reason. So the therapists want to keep it a secret. Yet the secret is part of the the problem. Then you go through with life and you find out a week later or years later, then what? You D. Your WS goes back to the therapist and says, what? Some therapists do not like bringing more trauma into a situation but I think it is unfair. In your case you don't get from the therapist or the WS the truth or even the trauma. Like the doctor and the cancer, if you don't know what you are dealing with your courses of action may be totally off base. How does a therapist explain a STD, a pregnancy, or you being told the truth about the PA by someone else?


Agreed, I don't get it either. It's best to get it all out in the open, no more surprises. Every new surprise, regardless of how well intentioned, starts you back at square one and the 'trust bank' in the red. We both get that now and are completely open... about the affair, how are marriage got into its unhealthy state, etc.

One thing Dr Glass (god rest her beautiful soul) made very clear, the marriage will never be the same. It can't be, otherwise you set yourself up for another inevitable crash. Knowing what you now know, the affair, as horrendous and devastating as it was, can (if you're both strong and mature enough) be a catalyst for positive, deeper. and long lasting commitment to your partner and your relationship.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I really believe if I run into OM I'd lose all control,mostly because he taunted me about WW EA over the phone,he never would meet me though even after he told he to stay out of HIS business,I know he saw me waiting at the park for him like he wanted but he sped off in company truck and ran.
I'm not worried about jail though,you talk enough smack until the OM takes first swing,then its all self defense baby,done it before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trying to heal (Jan 25, 2012)

Oh hell yes I want to beat him within one inch of his life. I would seriously stomp his ass into the middle of next month and have a good time doing it. Why haven't I? Because I won't go to jail for slime like him or her. I won't put myself in a position to lose my son.


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## SRN (Mar 20, 2012)

Oooohhh yes... Oh yes. 
When I encountered my wife out on the town with the OM and discovered the affair it was all I could do not to pummel him. I've trained in Krav Maga for a couple years and after I was done confronting my wife and walked towards the OM, she started screaming at me to stop, not to do it. I think she was genuinely afraid that I'd go berzerk. Fortunately for me, and him I didn't.

Since then I've had many, many satisfying dreams of walking into his work and just beating the sh*t out of him, or cutting his brake lines, or fire bombing his apartment.

I think we focus on the OM because we, as men, assume that they are the initiator because we cannot believe that our wives would be. Additionally, we've been raised to not be violent towards women, so we want to take our rage out on the OM.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Maybe it's just me, but I've had fantasies of the OMW beating the sh!t out of my WW.


interesting twist

I actually feared that scenario would happen when I tried exposure


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I spend a few minutes almost everyday thinking about beating the crap out of him, it ranges from a baseball bat to a shotgun. The thought of going to jail never bothered me, only the thoughts of my kids trying to deal with me in jail caused me to stop.

It is crazy that I do not have the same thoughts about my wife.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

razorsedge said:


> I "think" she cheated many years ago and I believe I have lived in denial for a very long time. I do not think she has cheated in the last 10 years or so. I am having a paternity test done next week that she is unaware of. If I am correct, than she has kept a big lie going on for almost 19 years about our childs father. I am not sure I am the biological father although she has sworn many times I am. I hope this test will answer many questions in my head and put the "what if" thoughts to rest.


Whether she cheated or not, there is something in your relationship that has led you to question this. You need MC, and maybe IC to help you deal w/ this. And to answer your question, yes, I had those thoughts, and I almost did at a fund raiser for a local college. Thank, God, I did not. Any time I've ever acted in anger, it did nothing but embarrass me.


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## still_think_of_her (Mar 10, 2012)

Anubis said:


> It's not uncommon.
> 
> The interesting thing is how much we avoid directing that anger at the wife who is doing the betraying. Especially considering that if OM is single, then the wife is potentially doing the majority of the "bad" stuff (betraying vows, lying, sneaking, etc).
> 
> ...




:iagree::iagree:  :iagree::iagree:


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## canttrusthim (Apr 22, 2012)

As a BW, I don't harbor violent thoughts about the AP. However, I do have fantasies about outing her as an adulterous skank on Facebook and LinkedIn, and to her employer. While my WH is no angel, the AP is the one who initiated their relationship.


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## canttrusthim (Apr 22, 2012)

naperken said:


> So, I was told, at first. She wanted to tell me but was told by her therapist and mine that no good would come from my knowing that it was briefly physical. After reading Dr. Glass, I bought into the 'waxing with a dirty mop' metphor and she unhesitatingly told me everything I wanted to know... number of times, places, etc.
> 
> ...
> 
> So, let this be a lesson to you folks still in the middle of gaining full disclosure. When your spouse says, "we only kissed and hugged" and somebody on this forum says that's merely a code word for intercourse, BELIEVE THEM!


And be very, very wary of the WS trickle-truthing. After giving up the "just friends" ruse, my WH admitted that they had an emotional/physical relationship, although he didn't initially admit to sex… Later he volunteered the news that they did have intercourse a couple times… Later when asked about oral sex, he acknowledged that she performed oral sex on him… Later when asked about the frequency of their sexual encounters, he admitted that three to four days each week after work they'd get together, and he would often finger her to orgasm… Later when asked how often he climaxed, he admitted that he didn't climax through oral sex, but he would masturbate and ejaculate into her mouth. Each of these conversations felt like another punch to the gut. But in my case I think I finally have it all. It just took a while to get it.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Christ Cant,no sh!t.......BANG,is right.......sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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