# Can you really "do over" a wedding?



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

My wedding was just awful. I hated every minute of it. 

We could not afford a real wedding, so we eloped. My parents were only going to help us financially, if we let my mother control our day. Of course, we could not accept that kind of manipulation. She was also very rude and unsupportive; La Maman refused to come wedding dress shopping and she told me that I was too fat to look good on my wedding day. Neither of us wanted that kind of negativity!

My few guests were late, which ruined some of my plans. One of them had the nerve to confront me about my angry reaction-we paid the photographer extra to come early and he was just standing around! I found out later that one of my so called best friends told her stupid man secrets about me. He was the driver and he picked up the rental car the morning of the wedding, which made everyone late. This fool constantly bothered my husband and I to pay for the car that HE wanted to rent-several annoying phone calls the night before.

I have read about people simply having the wedding they wanted later on. If a couple has already been married for a few years, how can they repeat the ceremony? :scratchhead:I wish my father was able to walk me down the aisle, but my mother was just too mean and hateful to have around.

People say that I still got my husband out of it, but I still feel very cheated. I never had my prom either and I just feel like I am missing out on important occasions and memories. Those who say that at least I got my husband are usually people who had nice weddings and therefore don't know how I feel. 

My therapist told me that I want special occasions so that I can feel some semblance of a normal life-my 30 years on this earth have been marred by bad health and abuse. I am blessed to be alive, but sometimes I wonder what for.

I never wanted the huge spectacle that my materialistic mother insisted on. She wanted nearly 200 people, with a wedding party that she chose. I only wanted about 60. Every time I go to other people's weddings or see pictures, I just want to cry. 

What do the ladies of TAM think? If you had a small wedding and you were happy with it, that is great but it does not help my situation.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, I don't know why you can't do what you want as a special celebration. 

Admittedly this was for a special wedding anniversary - but my mom and dad 'did over' their wedding on their 40th anniversary.

They planned it out, sent invitations, and performed it just like a normal wedding - pictures, clothes, cake - everything. They renewed their vows in a church, my mom wore a tailored wedding dress, dad wore a tux, they had the same attendants as during their original wedding, they had a big reception afterward with a wedding cake. When they had originally got married, it was a rather small affair - my mom wore a regular street dress and they only had a few guests as my mother's family was unhappy with her marrying my dad at that time (they later came around.) She had always wanted to have the wedding of her dreams and had thought about a special celebration on one of their anniversaries for years.

They did it on their 40th because my dad has dementia and they weren't sure he would be able to do something like that at their 50th (and he wasn't), so it was particularly poignant in that regard. It was really special to see it, especially in light of the fact that my brothers and I weren't around for their original wedding and none of mom's family attended the original, but did on the repeat. 

I say - go for it. I can't imagine why you would regret it. Why can't you set up and celebrate the wonderful things that happen in your life? I get what your therapist is saying, but life is for LIVING. LIVE it up the best way you can.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Do what you want to do 

I'd do it over if I felt like you do.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

My wife and I eloped when we got married 30 years ago. At the time both families hated each other and us. Our first year of marriage was very hard. We are planning a recommitment ceremony this year. Of course you can have a do over.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

by all means, Renew your vows, if you have the funds and time to plan it the way you want.

j


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

I'm not a lady of TAM, but my wife and I did our reception over, because we were not able to attend our original one. I'm glad we did. I've also seen several people renew their vows. Nothing has to be elaborate, because the emotional connection is usually the main point. It can be quite meaningful and enjoyable. Go for it! Hire a decent photographer to record the event and take some fun posed photos. I recommend spending the larger portion of your budget on your photography. It's the one thing that will help solidify your memories after the day is over. You could even get a little album done up.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Life is short.... and if special occasions are what you need, then of course you should have them!!!! 

You are older and wiser now.... just invite who you LOVE and want to share this with. It's supposed to be about love and happiness.

I just got married Oct 2010, we would have loved to elope and go somewhere and have a blast, just the two of us. But, we have 7 20-somethings between us. We wanted it to be a kind of family-bonding occasion.... and it was. We ended up with blue jeans and white shirts out in the back yard, with about 30 people there. It was perfect!! I wouldn't change ANYTHING!!!!


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

And FirstYearDown, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to sound harsh or unsupportive. I understand that you are dissappointed in your first wedding. 
j


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Yeah, I know people that had a do-over. And they were both very happy they did it. I thought it was quite romantic


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Chelle, I don't know why you feel that I did not discuss the aforementioned issues with my guests. :scratchhead: Making plans and confirming them is just common sense. I do that when I am just having lunch with a friend, so why wouldn't I plan and confirm for my wedding? Honestly, it would have made more sense for you to simply *ask about the details *instead of erroneously blaming me for lack of planning.

FYI, we all knew that I wanted pictures beforehand, so the correct time was agreed upon and confirmed *weeks * before the ceremony. It was the *driver *that made everyone late, because he was trying to find the best deal for the rental car at the last minute. The fool decided that he did not want to use his car and get a rental one day before the wedding.

So I was quite capable of planning my own wedding without help.  It was one person who decided to change everything the day before and it all came crashing down. Also, one of my guests had her hair cut on the morning of the wedding, which ate up travel time to the resort and contributed to the lateness.

Our pictures were gorgeous because we splurged on a very talented photograher. We married next to a lake among foliage. He took pictures of everything, such as the ceremony, licence signing and cupcake smooshing. The gentleman also got some great shots of us making toasts, kissing after the ceremony and individual shots. 

I hope my explanation makes sense. You did not sound harsh, but I found your assumptions very confusing.

My main concern about the do over is looking foolish because we are already married.


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

IMO its not foolish at all. I would also like to have a vow renewal, a nice one where I get to actually wear a wedding dress instead of jeans and a tank top  ...

Live it up! Have your celebration your way and enjoy every minute of it!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sounds like a great way to celebrate your anniverasry. Have fun with it.

Have your dad walk you down the isle. If your mother objects she could not come. It's her choice.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

In your case (and I have a mean family too) it will still come up short. Having another ceremony no matter how well intentioned it might be will never ever erase that feeling of being 'cheated'. I know it's a bitter pill to swallow because I've been where you are.

Your best bet is to stick with therapy and MOURN the loss of what you didn't get instead of trying to get a do over.

Your loss is real and needs to be grieved but at the end of the day you didn't get that wedding just like the millions of things I didn't get as a result of being raised in a toxic, abusive home.

Peace comes when you accept life as is without trying to go back and fix things.

BTW I eloped. Been married 20 years now and have no desire to have another ceremony. I got married THAT day and that's all that matters.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Mavash, I think that there is so much wisdom in what you are saying. My husband feels the same as you; life does not offer do overs. He is fine with redoing our wedding to make me happy, along with my father and his brother. We were only really concerned about their hurt feelings.

I have given myself until my fifth anniversary to get past this. Therapy is certainly helpful, but it cannot erase feelings. I ended therapy a few months ago after two years because I am tired of whining about my childhood. That part of my life was terrible, but it is over. Now I have to figure out how to be happy.

We are a very independent couple and my parents hate that. I just feel happier when I am not around my mother, though I love my father dearly. When he gives a gift, it is out of the goodness of his heart. When La Maman gives anything, it is so that she can use it to manipulate us. 

Like I said, since we are already married it may look dumb for a married couple to play bride and groom. That is why if we did go through with the do over, it would be a surprise.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> I have given myself until my fifth anniversary to get past this. Therapy is certainly helpful, but it cannot erase feelings. I ended therapy a few months ago after two years because I am tired of whining about my childhood. That part of my life was terrible, but it is over. Now I have to figure out how to be happy.


Timelines won't work either. Sorry I know another bitter pill to swallow. Healing takes as long as it takes. There are no shortcuts. I've been at this for 13 years so I have experience. Furthermore the more you try to 'get past it' the more that feeling of being cheated will stick with you. 

Therapy DOES help process feelings not erase them. Are you sure you had a good therapist? Whining about your childhood isn't helpful. What you need are skills to help you get past the hurts so you can move on. A new way of thinking is in order. Learning to find joy TODAY instead of focusing so much on the past or what you didn't get. Learning to cultivate gratitude is a good place to start. 

It's a process and I'm sad to report not a quick one either. It will take time and effort on your part to overcome. It won't just 'happen' that I can assure you. I only wish it were that easy. 

The good news is this is totally fixable.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I totally agree with the gratitude part. 

My therapist has been amazing. She has helped me identify patterns that do not work, such as being excessively hard on myself or collecting needy people. 

I think I am going to go with the redo after all. It will be a nice time and I know my dear old dad will be happy to see me in my wedding dress. It will be a sweet way for our families to finally meet.

Thank you for your feedback, everyone! I love TAM.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Glad you decided to go with a renewal. I don't see them as a "re-do" I see them as an additional day that you celebrate your love. I plan on renewing my vows in Vegas this July for our 10th anniversary. It will never replace our wedding, but it will add to more memories. 

I know a couple who go and visit the place they got married every year at sunrise together. Romantic. We should start doing that hahahaha.

Hope the renewal is wonderful! I am sure it will be!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

We just went to the courthouse. We didn't have time or money to do anything else. My Dad and a couple of friends were there.
It was our wedding, that was all that mattered. We've never felt the need to renew vows or have another ceremony.
If you're married and happy, isn't that enough?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I'm going to make it seem like an anniversary party. Then our guests will walk into a renewal. 

There is a great venue for intimate ceremonies for 25 guests. We wanted to get married there originally, but my nosy family made a stink about it being too small.

This way, I do not have to invite anyone that I don't like. I only like a few members of my extended family, so it will just be immediate family and some friends.

DanF, clearly the elopement was not enough or else I would not have started this thread. Maybe if my family hadn't cut us off for a long time afterward and the jerk didn't ruin our elopement, I would not feel this way. 

I am not going to debate this decision since it has already been made. I just wanted some opinions.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> DanF, clearly the elopement was not enough or else I would not have started this thread. Maybe if my family hadn't cut us off for a long time afterward and the jerk didn't ruin our elopement, I would not feel this way.
> 
> I am not going to debate this decision since it has already been made. I just wanted some opinions.


I just gave you one...

Asking for opinions doesn't guarantee that all of them that you get will be what you want to hear.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I refuse to be drawn into an argument with you, DanF. 

Nothing you say will change our plans. 

It was quite obvious that our original ceremony was not what we wanted, so your question did not make any sense. 

Have a nice evening!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

don't listen to the naysayers. they are just unhappy with their own lives.
i dont see anything wrong with it.

i think dan is just having a bad day, how could anything be wrong with this if its what you want.

me and syrum were going to get married in a small chapel by ourselves then i would certainly have had a more formal second ceremony at a later date because im sure thats what she would have wanted...had everything fell into place that is.

i say go ahead and do it.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> I refuse to be drawn into an argument with you, DanF.
> 
> Nothing you say will change our plans.
> 
> ...


I'm not trying to start an argument.
You asked for an opinion, I gave one and asked a question. Sometimes questions make people think. That's all.

I'm not, nor have I in the past, trying or tried to piss you off, but you sure seem snippy when I reply to one of your posts.

Maybe you're angry about a lot of things and I just hit too close to home...


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

DanF said:


> Maybe you're angry about a lot of things and I just hit too close to home...


i dont see why it would be a big deal or mean she is angry or unhappy with a lot of things.

if she was not happy with her wedding day and wants to try and have better memories, why does that make her angry or unhappy about a lot of things?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I wouldn't have minded a well thought out reason why we could not do over a wedding. Mavash did not agree with our plans, but his answer was very sensible. 

DanF, if you do not like my answers, I suggest that you don't respond to my posts. It is that simple.

Looks like it would be easier if we stayed away from each other. _Capisce_? 

Glad we cleared that up.  

Thanks for your kind words, 2nd time. There is another woman out there for you.

DanF was referring to an earlier interaction, as he is wont to do. 

I feel bad for his wife, if he likes to bellyache about old stuff in his marriage as well.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

Our wedding had about 60 guests and the lead up to it wasn't fun either. My mother offered to pay for the reception on the provision she could invite whoever she wanted, as it was her money. Lets forget the fact that it was our wedding! She wanted certain relatives alienated and I wasn't up for that. Our wedding day was supposed to be a happy occasion, not an opportunity for her to get at family members. So we declined and paid for everything ourselves. Lots of fighting and I don't think on the day she even said 'congratulations'.

Anyway, on our day there were a few things I wish I could do over! My hair and make up lady was terrible, the limo driver was rude at the end and told us to 'hurry up and stop saying goodbye, I have other jobs to go too.' I noticed all the small things that went wrong. But other guests told us it was one of the best weddings they had been too, so perhaps from my persepctive I just saw all the things that went wrong that no one else did.

I used to wish for a do over! I wanted to feel beautiful on the day and didn't. Our families weren't overly supportive, much prefering to focus on themselves. But then I realised that on that day I married the man I love, and like in life and marriage things aren't always perfect. But out of that day I committed myself to him so I realised nothing else mattered and I am happy.

That said I am looking forward to getting dressed up and feeling smashing and having everything (hopefully) the way I would have liked and for that reason we have agreed on our 10th wedding anniversary we will renew our vows, and every 10 years after that to renew our commitment and love to each other


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

You sure the heck CAN have the wedding of your dreams and I hope that, even though you had a nightmare of a wedding..that you and your hubby can renounce your vows somewhere very special to the both of you with a few close friends as you certainly deserve it~~!!

My fiance and I are planning a wedding in mid August and it's already turning into the not so much wedding of our dreams..but moreso..the wedding party from hell!!

We'd planned to have all of my family in our wedding (sister, niece, and two nephews) my best friend being maid of honor, two of my best friends being personal attendants, with my brother in law..since he's a pastor, marrying us. Wedding party of my dreams.

Yeah right!!

Mind you..since my fiance has admitted to being the type of guy that acts spontaneously, and his last three (hate to say this but failed) marriages were planned in a matter of two months..to a day..to three months...I decided that I wanted a longer engagement and gave our wedding party a year and nine months to come up with the money to order their dresses, save for tuxes, etc.

What a joke!!

My sister has now told me..(or rather messaged me..saying how 'sorry' she is for not getting back to me sooner..their life is just soo busy and everyday just seems to take care of itself...mmmhmmm..I messaged her in OCTOBER!!), that they think the rental of the tuxes is simply enormous ($117.00)..that they have to travel far to order her and my nieces dresses (when there is a bridal place right in their backyard..yet they want to go to a place that actually HAS the dress so they can "try it on" before they order)..and they may have to make it an overnight trip..just to try a sample on..

Whatever!!

At one point we had wanted my brother in law to marry us...but THAT has become a no go as I had asked my sister to have him call us..(as in her message she said, "My husband never heard from you so I'm hoping you've found a pastor as he won't marry anyone without premarital counseling..sorry.); my fiance decided ourselves that we really didn't want to bear our souls to family in marital counseling and thus found another pastor. As her message went on and on..they basically told us in so many words that "some decisions had to be made" in order for them to be a part of the wedding party..thus my dad rides in on his white horse and tells me that he'll pay for half the cost of the tuxes..along with all the costs of the dresses, but they'll have to pay for the rest.

I sent that message on Tuesday..and have yet to get a reply...as I'm sure they're looking for us to pay for it all which is not going to happen.

So..giving them two weeks to get back to me as we sit and wait while clamoring to revamp our wedding party.

In addition, we originally had two personal attendants, both of which we planned on walking down the aisle before the wedding party..one of which I had to get rid of due to personal issues.

Our groomsmen..we're playing musical chairs with also since I'm waiting again..for a reply from my dear sweet sister as two of our groomsmen are my nephews!!

Again..talk about a wedding party from hell and why can't anyone get it together when they're given almost two years to do it??

The worst thing about it is...we asked all the people we love to be a part of our special day...you'd think they'd be honored and not make us feel like it's such a hassle and that we have to pay for everything just to get them here.

The bottom line is..with or without them..we WILL have the wedding of our dreams...how can't we when we're two people so in love destined to be together..forever!!

So my suggestion to the original poster...remarry each other and declare the love you feel. Even if it's in your own backyard!!


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

True- I assumed. 
Sorry about that. 
It sounds like a really great wedding. I'm surprised you described it as " My wedding was just awful. I hated every minute of it. " 

I am also sorry for the louse of a driver that decided to not use his own car that morning.

j


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

No problem, Chelle. We cleared up what you were assuming and maybe I did not convey the information properly. 

I hated my wedding because it was not nearly what I wanted. I wanted a ceremony and reception with my family, but we just couldn't afford it. The ruined plans didn't help either, as well as the fool who kept bothering us.

I wish I could wear my wedding dress, but etiquette dictates that wedding dresses are not appropriate for a vow renewal. 

We still have years to plan this. We are waiting until our fifth anniversary and we are only coming up to our second.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Eh.... wear whatever you want. You'll feel happier about it afterwards.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I hear you. Just want the ceremony to look classy and tasteful.

I know my parents would love to see me in my dress. My husband also thinks I should wear it again.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Yes you can overdue a wedding like people who have million dollar to multi million dollar weddings. There have been weddings that have cost more than 50 million dollars. That is absurd


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Be thankful for good things you do have there is more to life than possessions material gains and who has had more or better say experiences. Though of course ideally you'd want nothing but good memories. You can get remarried if you'd like anyhow most people are not living ideal life's let alone happy must struggle and have far from (imo) good lives. So yes do not be to sad


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

FYD, do you currently have kids? If not, are you planning on having kids?

Just guestimate how much the 2nd wedding might cost, then look at the $$ and think

Would it be better to spend money on another wedding to make me feel better and be a princess for a day or...

Would it be better to use that money on something that could benefit the family as a whole?

Are you happily married to your husband? If so then you don't need a 2nd wedding just to live a life of a princess for a day.

Just my opinion but if I had to do it over again, I would not have a big wedding at all. And I will tell my kids to save the money and use the money on something that would benefit them better down the road.

Save the money for 5 years and take the family on a great vacation getaway IMO. You'll probably even have money leftover after the trip.

On my wedding it was so stressful, are the guests happy, fed, is everyone having fun, is there enough alcohol. Did I get the photos and videos that we wanted. And at the end of the night, some SOB stole the food off the wedding table that was saved and packed up for the wife and I to eat up in our room!!!!

Give me that money back and I could have gotten a house 3 years earlier plus taken a super [email protected] vacation for the wife an I.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

We had a beautiful small wedding in Niagara Falls; 11 guests. Everything planned online, even dress ordered online. It was perfect!

But.

That is what WE wanted. Small. Elegant. Understated.

Friends of ours have opted for a second marriage...they eloped to an island destination 2 years ago, and are now having the big frou-frou event. It is what they intended all along, however, there is grumbling going on because it ends up looking like it's being done for gifts...$$$.

I find it kinda tacky (IMO!!!), things like this should be 'redone' with no expectation of a wedding gift...just my opinion!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> I find it kinda tacky (IMO!!!), things like this should be 'redone' with no expectation of a wedding gift...just my opinion!


i dont know if she is expecting gifts or not, but she did mention it was going to be advertised to the family as a sort of family get together and not a mention of a wedding, it was going to be a surprise to the family.


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## bellamaxjoy (Oct 27, 2011)

I got married while seven months pregnant at the jp's office. As Christians now I want to, in the next few years have a small wedding by my pastor and blessed by God. And then I want the honeymoon I never had. Dont need a reception.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Someday, I want a BIG ASS WEDDING. It's our money and we'll blow it how we want to.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> FYD, do you currently have kids? If not, are you planning on having kids? No, not planning on becoming parents. My husband has had a vasectomy.
> 
> Just guestimate how much the 2nd wedding might cost, then look at the $$ and think
> 
> ...


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> We had a beautiful small wedding in Niagara Falls; 11 guests. Everything planned online, even dress ordered online. It was perfect!
> 
> But.
> 
> ...


Two things:

1. I don't know who told you that I was expecting gifts. :scratchhead: We never expected anything because we eloped. My husband's family and community still gave us gifts of money and that was completely touching and unexpected.

2. We are certainly not having a huge event like your friends. Perhaps you should ask questions before jumping to negative conclusions. Our little kocktail party/vow renewal will have 25 guests. Sorry for misspelling kocktail; oversensitive censor shields words that aren't even offensive.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I want gifts. Psh. What's the point of another wedding without gifts?

:lol:

I'll register tomorrow!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Someday, I want a BIG ASS WEDDING. It's our money and we'll blow it how we want to.


give you another 15 years and you will have it, maybe without the wedding part though


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Update: Our first choice for a venue was way too expensive. We were going to cancel the whole thing, but I found a nicer place that is more reasonable. :smthumbup: We can have more guests and better food at the new place too.

We will be cutting corners the following ways: No DJ, just using Itunes on our computer and speakers, white roses from a supermarket floral shop, having a lunch instead of dinner reception and wine only instead of an open bar. This venue has all the linens and chair covers included.

Best of all, we have THREE YEARS to save up! My mother is excited and she will be even happier when she sees me walking down the aisle...the vow renewal part is a complete surprise. 

Thanks for all of your support!


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## devlon (Apr 11, 2012)

Wedding is the time when two persons started living together as if they would love each other in whole life. Also swear for true & trustworthy relationship last long


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Chiming in a bit late, but I'll throw in my two cents.

Especially since you two eloped the first time, I think having a nice ceremony for the family would be really sweet. Renewing your vows is never a bad thing, sometimes over the years couples can loose a bit of their focus on what their marriage is all about.

I hope it's a wonderful day for you both (and have some great pictures to boot)!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> Update: Our first choice for a venue was way too expensive. We were going to cancel the whole thing, but I found a nicer place that is more reasonable. :smthumbup: We can have more guests and better food at the new place too.
> 
> We will be cutting corners the following ways: No DJ, just using Itunes on our computer and speakers, white roses from a supermarket floral shop, having a lunch instead of dinner reception and wine only instead of an open bar. This venue has all the linens and chair covers included.
> 
> ...


Remember, with all the $$ you save, take the family on that kick-ass vacation :smthumbup:

Don't do Disneyworld....Crowded, expensive. kids love it but the look on almost every parent's face at the end of the day is priceless, mine included.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I have always wanted to see Disneyland. Maybe it is better with no kids?

Cheatinghubby, after so many discussions and going over finances, we are leaning towards a _private _vow renewal while on vacation instead. This will make up for the crappy wedding ruined by fools and gives us a relaxing time away.

I just can no longer justify spending more than 5K on a party for only five years of marriage. Just doesn't make any sense. I would rather enjoy a special romantic time with my husband.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> I have always wanted to see Disneyland. Maybe it is better with no kids?
> 
> Cheatinghubby, after so many discussions and going over finances, we are leaning towards a _private _vow renewal while on vacation instead. This will make up for the crappy wedding ruined by fools and gives us a relaxing time away.
> 
> I just can no longer justify spending more than 5K on a party for only five years of marriage. Just doesn't make any sense. I would rather enjoy a special romantic time with my husband.


If you've never been there then you and the kids will definitely love it. I've just done Disneyland and Disney world too many times that I would rather stay home and relax than wait in line from 30min to 2hrs for a ride that lasts 1-2 minutes. The only thing that makes it worth it is seeing my kids eyes light up as they go through the ride.

I'm just saying, most parents at the end of the day look like they're ready to jump off a cliff or anything just to get some rest and be able to sleep for 2 days straight.

If you have never been there then take the kids and have a great day there.


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## BlindSide (Sep 12, 2011)

My husband and I are going to have a re-commitment ceremony in a couple of years. We're going to have it at a castle in Scotland and have a beautiful rose garden reception back stateside for the rest of the family. 

So my answer would be yes. A total do-over can be done. 

My mother sounds like your mom. She wanted to have it all her way. She's starting to do it now with my birth plan (I'm pregnant currently). Oh joy.

Anyway, I hope you get an awesome wedding and reception!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> If you've never been there then you and the kids will definitely love it. I've just done Disneyland and Disney world too many times that I would rather stay home and relax than wait in line from 30min to 2hrs for a ride that lasts 1-2 minutes. The only thing that makes it worth it is seeing my kids eyes light up as they go through the ride.
> 
> I'm just saying, most parents at the end of the day look like they're ready to jump off a cliff or anything just to get some rest and be able to sleep for 2 days straight.
> 
> If you have never been there then take the kids and have a great day there.


I thought I mentioned that we are a childfree couple? Maybe not.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> I thought I mentioned that we are a childfree couple? Maybe not.


See I thought that since you had a little kid as your avatar, and your handle FirstYearDown that you were a mother and you created the handle after your child was 1.

I had my doubts about you living in an igloo  ...


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

The little kid is one of nieces. FirstYearDown refers to my first year of _marriage_, not being a mother. 

Some women cannot have children or don't want them. I suppose since most women become mothers, it makes sense that the first assumption would be that I am one as well. 

When people speak like we are having kids in our daily life, I tell them that we cannot and the flustered apologies make me laugh. Infertility or health problems may cause childless couples to be offended by presumption. 

The igloo thing is poking fun at silly American stereotypes of Canadians. I have always been asked if I live in an igloo when I have been south of the border. 

As for cheatinghubby, I know I told him that we are not having babies, yet he insists on posting as if I am a mother. It seems like a roundabout way of pressuring me to have a family.  What can I say...we are happy with our life the way it is. My husband has had a vasectomy and my health problems would make pregnancy and post partum very difficult.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Wait what? You mean all Canadians don't live in igloos. 

You don't talk like your a character in "Strange Brew". What's that aboot eh?

In all seriousness I hope they are joking when they ask you about living in an igloo.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

:lol::lol::lol: I actually do use the word "eh?" but never the oot or aboot thing. Mostly white Canadians such as my husband speak that way. 

Sadly, the Americans I met were serious about the igloo thing. I have also been asked if we have cell phones, amusement parks and malls. :rofl: Holy ignorance, Batman!

Did you know that "eh?" is the vocalization of a question mark? I just learned that the other day.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I am American but would never DREAM of asking if you live in an igloo. 

:wtf:

Some seriously stupid people in America. READ A BOOK, PEOPLE!


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## afsheen aziz (Apr 11, 2012)

ohhh...thats saddd


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Well nice to know kids today are getting a gooder edukashun in Merica!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I also notice that many Americans think that their country is the best in the world. The ones I have met are very misinformed about how much better certain things are in other countries. 

I recently had an American tell me that our health care system is awful because it is free. "You get what you pay for!" :rofl::rofl: Idiot. We boast one of the best children's hospitals in the world and no child is turned away because they have no money. 

Another American tried to tell me that there is no way people can wear hijabs or turbans to work in Canada.  "We don't allow it in the US, so how can you?" Uh, because we respect multiculturalism imbecile! What made the comment even more asinine is that this person had NEVER BEEN TO CANADA. He just assumed that we do everything that the US does. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fF62J3vxPdQ&ob=av2n Love this song. 

I don't want to get in trouble for taking the thread off topic, though I do like this subject...


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