# How to figure out if she's interested in me



## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

I know this is pretty silly, but I've been out of the dating pool for years.

Sorry if this seems choppy and weird, I've never actually sought advice online before.

So, this lady (29 F) and I (42 M) both started working at our job (nurses) about 7 months ago and I'm trying to figure out if she has a crush on me. Before anyone says anything about coworkers dating, there are several couples at our job who met on the job, so our employer doesn't have a problem with it. I don't know if it matters but she's from India and I'm white as white can be.

From the moment we started working, I'd notice her looking at me when she thought I wasn't looking and whenever she'd catch me seeing her, she smiles. She still does this, as soon as I walk in, I get a big smile, and sometimes she does this little coy smile and looks me up and down. Over the course of the past few months, we've become close, not super close but closer than we've gotten to other coworkers. We talk about a lot of stuff and she's always actively seeking me out whenever her assignment is slow. I haven't noticed her do this with any other coworkers. I don't always do the same as I'm trying to get to know other coworkers as well.

Other things she does include:

- Stands super close to me, as in our bodies touch, whenever we're standing next to each other. She does the same thing when we sit down.

- Lots and lots of banter back and forth and mild flirting - nothing too wild, but definitely some playful teasing back and forth.

- I forgot how it came up, but she's hinted that she doesn't think an age difference in a relationship is a big deal. I think was joking around with her and said "you're just a kid," and she said something like "you're over 40 but you don't act it, so we're even."

- Anytime I mention an opinion that's different to hers, she'll find a way to change hers slightly to be in line with mine - this doesn't matter to me at all, I just find it kind of odd.

- This happened a couple of weeks ago. We were both working together on a very sick patient. After we were done, she asked me to give her a massage. I felt a little awkward because it caught me off guard.

There's more I could elaborate on, but I had a long shift so I feel like this post is becoming disjointed. If anyone needs anything clarified, please ask.

My ex and I divorced about a year ago and I haven't dated in years. I don't know if I'm reading too much into this or whether or not there's something there.

Thanks in advance


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Sounds like a crush to me... is she single?


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## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

3Xnocharm said:


> Sounds like a crush to me... is she single?


Yes.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Only one way to find out: asked her, directly, looking into her eyes. 
She says no, now you'd know. Thanks her and NEXT.

Being indicisive and not doing anything is the sure way for her (if she's interested) to tire and eventually friend- zone you; then it will be over.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do the people you work with socialize outside of work?

It does sound like she's interested.

Why not ask her to meet our for coffee on your day off? She her response. Start with small 'dates' so that you each drive yourself. That way the pressure is off.

Is there some activity that she does such as walking/hiking, bike riding, etc? If so, if a couple of coffee type dates work out, ask her to join you in doing something that you both might enjoy.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I'm rather risk averse so my advice will be depend on your response to this question.... 

How awkward will it be to work with her if a) you misunderstood her behavior and she turns you down or b) you do go out and things don't work out (either she or you are not interested after a few dates)?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

And also Lila questions are important, but truly if your serious about her. Full stop on the racial thing. Love is the only place in your relationship. Not differences of color. Nor does anyone's opinion about that as a matter of fact. Hell man go have done fun and enjoy females. Time to get back on the horse.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Just ask her out for a coffee. That way if its just a friend vibe, no harm done, its just coffee and friends have coffee.

If she has a crush on you, then that should become apparent while at coffee.

Are you actually interested in her, or just flattered? Don't ask her out if you are just curious or flattered. Only do it if she is someone you would have asked out before noticing she was crushing on you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I think an informal "hey do you want to grab coffee" on your day off is a good way to do this. If YES, all good. If NO, then you kinda have your answer but shouldn't be weird working with her since it is basically a no pressure thing.

Depending on how the coffee goes, you may be able to swing the conversation around to the both of you and how she feels, but that is situational and you have to play that by ear.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Personally, I wouldn’t date someone I worked with. 

But if I was interested, I’d just ask her out. Then you know if she’s interested or not. 

You’ve already massively overthought this.


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## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> Do the people you work with socialize outside of work?


Yes, I go to breakfast with a number of them once a week. She doesn't come because the way her schedule is she works that night so she goes home to sleep.



EleGirl said:


> It does sound like she's interested.


Yeah, after re-reading my post and seeing everything detailed out, I feel pretty naieve for not realizing it sooner, but as I said I've been out of the dating pool for years. :grin2:



EleGirl said:


> Why not ask her to meet our for coffee on your day off? She her response. Start with small 'dates' so that you each drive yourself. That way the pressure is off.


The plan I have is to ask her to lunch tomorrow after we've both rested from our shift tonight.


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## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

Lila said:


> I'm rather risk averse so my advice will be depend on your response to this question....
> 
> How awkward will it be to work with her if a) you misunderstood her behavior and she turns you down or b) you do go out and things don't work out (either she or you are not interested after a few dates)?



A lot of people are worried about our employer policies. Our employer doesn't have a policy against dating coworkers and there are quite a few couples that met on the job, a few of them are married now actually. If things do go sour, it's not a big deal for me to transfer to another hospital in our health system and the hospital I would transfer to is actually closer to my house. Currently I commute about 20 miles, whereas the one closer to my house is a mile away.


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## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> Are you actually interested in her, or just flattered? Don't ask her out if you are just curious or flattered. Only do it if she is someone you would have asked out before noticing she was crushing on you.


Yes, I'm interested in her, I wouldn't be asking these questions if I wasn't. She's not a coffee drinker so the plan is to ask her to lunch tomorrow.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

After conversationally finding out what she likes to do, in light conversation, just ask her out, to something along those lines, whether coffee, drink, etc.

Somewhere where the two of you can talk, not competing with a loud background, or an open air walk through event like a (?) festival, or something. 

If yes, good, if no, it passes, life goes on. 

Strike while she seems interested, or an opportunity may pass.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DieCastRN said:


> Yes, I go to breakfast with a number of them once a week. She doesn't come because the way her schedule is she works that night so she goes home to sleep.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Lunch is good.

The idea of the coffee date is to start slow. Sometimes people plan some huge first date... dinner, movie, etc. If the big date turns out to be a flub, it's very awkward.

Lunch is good, it's not too much like the big dinner/movie thing.

Hope it goes well.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Lunch is good.
> 
> The idea of the coffee date is to start slow. Sometimes people plan some huge first date... dinner, movie, etc. If the big date turns out to be a flub, it's very awkward.
> 
> ...


Just make it clear it’s a date and not a casual lunch with a coworker.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dating coworkers is never a good idea.

If you are willing to risk it, tell her that you would like to go out for coffee sometime.

If that goes well, tell her that you like the chemistry between the two of you and would like to explore things to see where they lead.

One of the biggest mistakes most men make is to far madly in love with a woman and scare her way by being to emotionally smoothering and trying to spend all your time with them. 

You have been married. You have been "single" for about a year, so CASUAL dating should be fine. Unfortunately, your post sounds like you want much more than a casual date. Your post sounds like infatuation at best and a desire for quick sex at worst.

Good luck, go slow.


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## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

Young at Heart said:


> If that goes well, tell her that you like the chemistry between the two of you and would like to explore things to see where they lead.
> 
> One of the biggest mistakes most men make is to far madly in love with a woman and scare her way by being to emotionally smoothering and trying to spend all your time with them.
> 
> ...


Sorry my post came off as sounding that way. I was more curious as to what others thought about the situation and how she behaves around me. There's definitely an attraction from my end but I was never the type to fall in love quickly and definitely not the kind who wants quick sex. 

I just see her as a cool person and would like to see where things go with her.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I wouldn’t ever date someone where I worked. That said since you don’t mind that risk and are timid to ask just invite her to something on a weekend. See how you both click outside the work environment. If that goes well take the chance and ask her out on a date after.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

DieCastRN said:


> I know this is pretty silly, but I've been out of the dating pool for years.
> 
> Sorry if this seems choppy and weird, I've never actually sought advice online before.
> 
> ...


You are not reading too much. It seems she thinks youre cute, OP. 

Good luck!


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

If you think she is pretty then ask her out.


Oops, in late on this thread.


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## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

It's my lunch break, so update time. 

I went with the plan and asked her to lunch tomorrow and before I could continue she goes "you mean, like a date, right?"

I responded with "yup, sure is." To which she said something like "took you long enough" and turned beet red. Thankfully things didn't get awkward after that.

So that's it. We're going on a lunch date tomorrow afternoon and I'll see how it goes from there.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

DieCastRN said:


> It's my lunch break, so update time.
> 
> I went with the plan and asked her to lunch tomorrow and before I could continue she goes "you mean, like a date, right?"
> 
> ...



Nice Job!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Congrats -- now enjoy!!!


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

DieCastRN said:


> It's my lunch break, so update time.
> 
> I went with the plan and asked her to lunch tomorrow and before I could continue she goes "you mean, like a date, right?"
> 
> ...


S2


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## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

Update time: 

Well, we went out to lunch Saturday afternoon and we both had a really good time. We talked about quite a bit and ended up going for a walk afterwards and spending basically the entire afternoon together. I found out we have quite a bit more in common than I thought and that our senses of humor are similar (this is very important to me). We ended the date with a hug and I told her that I wanted to take her out on a proper date, which she agreed to and went on last night.

Last night was great as well. We went to dinner at a local french restaurant then spent sometime walking around downtown and finally had some physical contact. We ended up holding hands the entire evening and shared a kiss at the end of the night. Had a bit of a serious conversation about how we're going to act at work and if we're going to tell anyone yet. We've decided to keep it discreet for a couple of weeks to see if anything materializes out of this and if it does we'll end up telling our coworkers and manager(s).

She's definitely more forward than I initially thought, which is fine by me. I don't like when women play games are prefer them to be forthright about what they want.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Glad things are going well!!!!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

DieCastRN said:


> Update time:
> 
> Well, we went out to lunch Saturday afternoon and we both had a really good time. We talked about quite a bit and ended up going for a walk afterwards and spending basically the entire afternoon together. I found out we have quite a bit more in common than I thought and that our senses of humor are similar (this is very important to me). We ended the date with a hug and I told her that I wanted to take her out on a proper date, which she agreed to and went on last night.
> 
> ...


Ahead warp factor 3, Mr Sulu.


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## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

Another little update:

Well, the cat’s out of the bag at work. I guess one of our coworkers saw her give me a hug and kiss the other morning when we left work and pieced everything together. Like I said, our work doesn’t care and there’s no paperwork we have to file or anything like that. One of our mutual friends did come up to me and ask me what took so long to figure out her signals. I just explained that being out of the dating pool and being 13 years older than her I just figured it was harmless flirting. 

We’ve been spending a couple of days per week together and we’re going to a work conference together in a couple of months and sharing a room. Things are progressing nicely and I’m just ya into a nice tone getting to know her. I do find that I like dating someone younger than me as I’m pretty full of energy and fun-loving so it’s nice to be with someone who messes with my personality. We also talked about being exclusive and with her cultural background, she doesn’t want to date anyone else at the same time as she’s dating me and I never understood dating more than one person at once. So, we’re pretty much exclusively dating each other.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Great update!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Congrats -- sounds like it's going great. A great way to morph from friends to MUCH more than that!!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

What part of India is she from? One of my coworkers is from India. I maybe can get you a piece of inside information that you could casually use and surprise her.


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