# Do you want to have more sex than your wife does?



## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

First off understand that I understand where you are coming from. I have what most would label a “Low Desire” wife and I’m what most would label a “High Desire” husband. So naturally it seems that we don’t have sex as often as I’d like to.

How many of these threads do we see started here at TAM? 

Ladies I haven’t forgotten you. I know there are wives out there who want to have sex more than their husband does, I just think the ‘numbers’ are probably skewed towards the male side.

First off Men (and women actually) should go to Married Man Sex Life

Read Athol’s Book – Don’t just try to surf through the blog. While the blog is great, the book puts everything in order and in perspective. That’s very important. You can get the book HERE. (Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011)

I know TONS of threads and posts address this, but guys you HAVE TO BE HONEST with yourself. While you will read a TON of stuff about how women want to have an “emotional connection” to have sex (and this is true) you can go overboard with this and actually shoot down your own efforts to get more sex. Your wife wants a MAN.

So if you actually know where the laundry room is, and you know the difference between colors and whites, then bravo. If you know how to cook, then good for you. If you regularly help around the house, again, nice job.

For those that don’t? (Putting the dishes in the dishwasher once a week isn’t considered helping out BTW) then you need to read the book as well.

Now if you are already helping around the house, doing your share, here’s the next thing to think about.

Are you nagging your wife about sex? Yes, I asked if YOU, the HUSBAND, was nagging. Has your wife ever nagged you about that project around the house you haven’t finished? You know how it annoys you, because you’re busy, and you told her you’d get to it when you had time? You know how the more she nags you the less you actually want to finish the project at all? Guess what, reverse the tables and think about how you talk about sex with your wife. So how do you think your wife feels about being nagged about sex? Do you really think you telling her how you’re now getting enough is going to make her super horny and ready to jump your bones? Really?

Do you look at her, after not talking to her all night, ask for sex, then get pissed when she says she’s tired? HELLLLOOOOOO, what did you really expect? 

Has your sex life been going downhill for a while? Odds are it has if you posted here. If you went from twice a day until last month and you’ve only had sex a few times since then…guess what? You’re either delusional, or more likely you would have never posted here…yet. Your sex life didn’t start dwindling overnight, so fixing it isn’t going to be quick.

Trust me your wife more than likely is VERY aware of how little you two have sex. 

So when she does agree to sex, does she make it seem like she’s doing you a favor? “Just going through the motions?” Does this make you not want to have sex with her, because “If she doesn’t want to have sex, why should I want to?” Sound familiar?	This is the latest post on my blog addressing this very issue. Read it HERE.

Now go read this post HERE and read the LINKS in that post.

Is anything getting through yet????

I think every guy wondering about the lack of sex in their marriage should read this information. It could literally SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.

Hope this helps someone.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

CantBeJustMe said:


> First off understand that I understand where you are coming from. I have what most would label a “Low Desire” wife and I’m what most would label a “High Desire” husband. So naturally it seems that we don’t have sex as often as I’d like to.
> 
> How many of these threads do we see started here at TAM?
> 
> ...


Read your posts, read loads more her, read loads at MMSL. My wife is totally immune.



> She wants you to be the man, and make her want to have sex with you


Or she actually wants you to shut up, go away and stop bothering her about sex, because it isn't "ladylike". Or to get on with it and get it over with so she can go and do something else. Or to fake a quick orgasm to get you to stop trying to get her to do things she actually isn't the remotest bit interested in hoping to get her off, because "ladies" don't do that sort of thing.

I've doing the MAP for months, and MEM's cooling down for a week and more now, to no effect. I reckon that every once in a while people do ACTUALLY mean what they say. She hasn't the nerve, brass neck or bad manners to come out and tell me to piss off and stop bothering her (because ladies don't talk like that, even about things what they don't like), but that's the message she is sending. She just doesn't want to say "I don't want to have sex" because it isn't "ladylike" to say that.


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## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

The Chimp said:


> Read your posts, read loads more her, read loads at MMSL. My wife is totally immune.
> 
> Or she actually wants you to shut up, go away and stop bothering her about sex, because it isn't "ladylike". Or to get on with it and get it over with so she can go and do something else. Or to fake a quick orgasm to get you to stop trying to get her to do things she actually isn't the remotest bit interested in hoping to get her off, because "ladies" don't do that sort of thing.
> 
> I've doing the MAP for months, and MEM's cooling down for a week and more now, to no effect. I reckon that every once in a while people do ACTUALLY mean what they say. She hasn't the nerve, brass neck or bad manners to come out and tell me to piss off and stop bothering her (because ladies don't talk like that, even about things what they don't like), but that's the message she is sending. She just doesn't want to say "I don't want to have sex" because it isn't "ladylike" to say that.


So if you ask her for sex, does she tell you "NO" or does she give you excuses? (Tired, headache, etc). IF she gives you excuses to you back down or keep at it (lighthearted, not pressing the point of the knife till blood appears)?

If she "relents" and you have sex, how often does that happen?

I'm not saying it will work every time. But unless there are other underlying issues (sexual abuse in her past etc) then this should get you pushing down the right path.

Did she act this way about sex before you were married?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think that one of the big qualifiers for any of this working is that you need to have a spouse who is of reasonably sound mind.

Anymore, I see all kinds of posts from people whose spouses have depression, or are bi-polar, or are narcisstic, were abused, etc. and those emotional hurdles have to be addressed first (if indeed they can be) before any other headway can be made.

However, that should still not stop a man from trying to become 'all that he can be' - he just may not get the desired results from his wife in regards to sex if she is riddled with lots of other baggage.


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## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> I think that one of the big qualifiers for any of this working is that you need to have a spouse who is of reasonably sound mind.
> 
> Anymore, I see all kinds of posts from people whose spouses have depression, or are bi-polar, or are narcisstic, were abused, etc. and those emotional hurdles have to be addressed first (if indeed they can be) before any other headway can be made.
> 
> However, that should still not stop a man from trying to become 'all that he can be' - he just may not get the expected results from his wife in regards to sex if she is riddled with lots of other baggage.


I wholeheartedly agree.

I also think that a lot of husbands think "I'm not getting enough sex" and don't see all the things that may have led to where they are know in their marriage.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

The Chimp said:


> Read your posts, read loads more her, read loads at MMSL. My wife is totally immune.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


There is value in this information. It may be painful to take in, and will certainly lead to real questioning on where to go, but it has value. You now understand where she is and what you can expect from her in the future. With that knowledge, you get to decide what you want to do. Again, that has a lot of value.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> There is value in this information. It may be painful to take in, and will certainly lead to real questioning on where to go, but it has value. You now understand where she is and what you can expect from her in the future. With that knowledge, you get to decide what you want to do. Again, that has a lot of value.


See my other thread regarding my options. Being a MacDonald's dad is an option, but not an option that is good for me.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

CantBeJustMe said:


> So if you ask her for sex, does she tell you "NO" or does she give you excuses? (Tired, headache, etc). IF she gives you excuses to you back down or keep at it (lighthearted, not pressing the point of the knife till blood appears)?


She gives excuses and I keep pushing until she does it with her eyes shut and her head on one side, or she says "I said I'm tired. I don't WANT sex! Don't you know when a lady says she's tired she is telling you she doesn't want sex?!"



> If she "relents" and you have sex, how often does that happen?


A couple of times a month.


> I'm not saying it will work every time. But unless there are other underlying issues (sexual abuse in her past etc) then this should get you pushing down the right path.


Investing money and being careful and prudent should be the right path but theres lots of people in the UK what did that and are still skint.


> Did she act this way about sex before you were married?


No, it has got worse in the last five years since she has re-invented herself as a "lady".


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

The Chimp said:


> See my other thread regarding my options. Being a MacDonald's dad is an option, but not an option that is good for me.


So, Chimp, your wife is aware that this is your feeling? She's aware that you would really want to walk, but don't for the sake of your kids? If so, then yeah - you can do all of this until the cows come home and it wouldn't change her.

BUT, the point is that the one it changes is YOU. Have you looked at what the laws are for getting joint custody? I know that you are in the UK so I'm not familiar with the laws. BUT, where there's a WILL, there's a WAY.

Part of becoming a self-confident man is having that will and having the tenacity to not give up.

I admire your devotion to your kids. Just realize that you are planting the seeds in them to continue a cycle of a dysfunctional marriage when they are old enough to marry. It is the role models that they have and that they see everyday.

Best wishes.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> So, Chimp, your wife is aware that this is your feeling? She's aware that you would really want to walk, but don't for the sake of your kids? If so, then yeah - you can do all of this until the cows come home and it wouldn't change her.
> 
> BUT, the point is that the one it changes is YOU. Have you looked at what the laws are for getting joint custody? I know that you are in the UK so I'm not familiar with the laws. BUT, where there's a WILL, there's a WAY.
> 
> Part of becoming a self-confident man is having that will and having the tenacity to not give up.


Maybe I could get joint custody. If I get lucky. This way I get my kids 50% of the time rather than 100% of the time. I dont see this as a success. By being a self confident man I can get to lose half of what I already have. What am I winning by doing this?!



> I admire your devotion to your kids. Just realize that you are planting the seeds in them to continue a cycle of a dysfunctional marriage when they are old enough to marry. It is the role models that they have and that they see everyday.
> 
> Best wishes.


I am lost here. What message is it sending them to abandon them for half of the time? I would be a role model that says its OK to leave your kids cos what you want is more important than them?


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## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

The Chimp said:


> Maybe I could get joint custody. If I get lucky. This way I get my kids 50% of the time rather than 100% of the time. I dont see this as a success. By being a self confident man I can get to lose half of what I already have. What am I winning by doing this?!


You aren't "winning" anything. But right now in your marriage, you are giving your wife the ability to control the entire relationship. Don't expect anything to change. Seriously why would she? She KNOWS you wouldn't leave (because of the kids) so she's going to treat however she wants. You'll pull further away, and just deal with the lack of sex. You'll concentrate on the kids, work and other things. Time will pass.

The next step is either you or your wife having an affair. Guess what? That'll probably end in divorce anyway. 




> I am lost here. What message is it sending them to abandon them for half of the time? I would be a role model that says its OK to leave your kids cos what you want is more important than them?


I thought the same way you did. You are going the route of the admirable martyr. If you truly think you can be the best Father to your kids when you’re truly unhappy in your relationship with your wife, and a big part of your needs aren’t being met, you’re simply fooling yourself.

No matter how strong you are, no matter how much you tell yourself you are doing the right thing “putting your kids first”, eventually the stuff you will start to bury, it will resurface. Be it health issues, anger issues, resentment, no matter how it manifest itself it WILL come back. Maybe in 5 years maybe in 10 years. If you don’t think THIS will affect how you parent your children, you are mistaken.

Been there done that. Wish you the best.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

CantBeJustMe said:


> Has your wife ever nagged you about that project around the house you haven’t finished? You know how it annoys you, because you’re busy, and you told her you’d get to it when you had time? You know how the more she nags you the less you actually want to finish the project at all? Guess what, reverse the tables and think about how you talk about sex with your wife. So how do you think your wife feels about being nagged about sex?


Wow...There's some fairly unpleasant implications in looking at the situation in those terms. I'd probably just throw up my hands if I thought interesting my wife in sex was analogous to interesting me in climbing up a ladder and painting the dormers.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

'Child centered marriages' have been shown to kill marriages and thus families because what is the foundation of a family? the marriage. Who forms the marriage? A husband and wife. If one or both are suffering, then *everything* is in jeopardy.

Another thing Chimp is forgetting is that if his wife finds a more attractive man than him to share her life with, she may not think twice of ending the marriage and so his worst fears will become a reality. A mindset, as well as a plan of action, should be developed just for this possible scenario.

Just like ED (erectile dysfunction) is a sign of failing health in a man, a sexless marriage is a sign of a failing marriage. And just like a man will usually go to a doctor only after his body gives him a good scare, the LD spouse will only address the sexless marriage issue until the HD spouse shows signs that he/she is ready to end the marriage.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

CantBeJustMe said:


> You aren't "winning" anything. But right now in your marriage, you are giving your wife the ability to control the entire relationship. Don't expect anything to change. Seriously why would she? She KNOWS you wouldn't leave (because of the kids) so she's going to treat however she wants. You'll pull further away, and just deal with the lack of sex. You'll concentrate on the kids, work and other things. Time will pass.


Then why do it? Other than having 50% less of my childrens time what does it get me? 


> I thought the same way you did. You are going the route of the admirable martyr. If you truly think you can be the best Father to your kids when you’re truly unhappy in your relationship with your wife, and a big part of your needs aren’t being met, you’re simply fooling yourself.


It is not about being a martyr. It is about being a full-time father to my kids. I see what you are trying to say, but I don't see how being the best father to my kids for half of the time is so great.



> No matter how strong you are, no matter how much you tell yourself you are doing the right thing “putting your kids first”, eventually the stuff you will start to bury, it will resurface. Be it health issues, anger issues, resentment, no matter how it manifest itself it WILL come back. Maybe in 5 years maybe in 10 years. If you don’t think THIS will affect how you parent your children, you are mistaken.
> 
> Been there done that. Wish you the best.


Was not being around them a total success then? Did the loss of the time have no effect? I cant beleive that not being there half the time did not have some effect



morituri said:


> Another thing Chimp is forgetting is that if his wife finds a more attractive man than him to share her life with, she may not think twice of ending the marriage and so his worst fears will become a reality. A mindset, as well as a plan of action, should be developed just for this possible scenario.


So get my retaliation in first then?:scratchhead:

None of this makes sense. I done the Man Up and its run off her like water off a ducks back. All she is bothered about is being "ladylike".


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## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> Wow...There's some fairly unpleasant implications in looking at the situation in those terms. I'd probably just throw up my hands if I thought interesting my wife in sex was analogous to interesting me in climbing up a ladder and painting the dormers.


I don’t see how there’s “unpleasant implications” in that statement.

Recent studies say that the majority of women don’t actually think about sex like men do. They tend think about it as the as is starting. Doesn’t mean they don’t “want” it, they just think about it differently.

If your wife’s “Love Language” is Acts of service, then I can very well see painting those dormers as important to her.

Of course that’s just my opinion.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> Wow...There's some fairly unpleasant implications in looking at the situation in those terms. I'd probably just throw up my hands if I thought interesting my wife in sex was analogous to interesting me in climbing up a ladder and painting the dormers.


Nagging for sex doesn't make a woman feel desire for sex. Nagging turns it into a chore. So does whining, sulking, and never talking or thinking about anything else. Nagging, whining, sulking and one-track minds are not hot.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

morituri said:


> Just like ED (erectile dysfunction) is a sign of failing health in a man, a sexless marriage is a sign of a failing marriage. And just like a man will usually go to a doctor only after his body gives him a good scare, the LD spouse will only address the sexless marriage issue until the HD spouse shows signs that he/she is ready to end the marriage.


And the HD spouse might realize/accept that there are problems in the marriage as a whole ONLY when they notice that their sex life has dwindled. The LD spouse may have been standing on his/her head and shouting from the rooftops that the marriage is broken, but only when the sex declines or stops does the HD spouse reach the same conclusion. In my experience, of course.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

norajane said:


> Nagging for sex doesn't make a woman feel desire for sex.


Understood. That's basic human nature. 



norajane said:


> Nagging turns it into a chore.


I would submit that sex gets relegated to the back burner long before any nagging starts. Nagging is definitely the wrong approach, but it doesn't usually happen without a reason. 

To use my example: My wife wouldn't nag me to go up and paint the dormers on the house if I *enjoyed* it. There would be no need.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> Understood. That's basic human nature.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


So, with that logic, it means your wife isn't *enjoying *sex? Maybe it's as simple as that. It's not fun for her, she doesn't get anything out of it. 

There's a lot to explore as to WHY that is, why that changed. If that's not taken seriously, it just becomes nagging and pushing, and that makes it all that much worse and less enjoyable. Some of those answers might not be so easy to hear and accept, and probably began long before the drop off in sex.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

ocotillo said:


> Understood. That's basic human nature.
> 
> 
> 
> I would submit that sex gets relegated to the back burner long before any nagging starts. Nagging is definitely the wrong approach, but it doesn't usually happen without a reason.


Of course.
On the other hand, the sex doesn't just stop without a reason either. It may have something to do with what the husband is/is not doing; it may have nothing to do with him at all.
But if the husband wants an active sex life again, his time and energies are far better spent learning and addressing (if possible) the factors that caused the drop off. Nagging, begging, pleading, whining, sulking, threatening, etc., all seem counterproductive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

norajane said:


> So, with that logic, it means your wife isn't *enjoying *sex?


Well, that is the logic, but you've stated it as a declarative rather than a conditional. Let's keep this in context. I said: 

"_I'd probably just throw up my hands *if* I thought interesting my wife in sex was analogous to interesting me in climbing up a ladder and painting the dormers._"​*If* my wife didn't enjoy sex; *If* sex was a chore. *If* sex was a chore distasteful and unpleasant enough that she actively avoided it and *If* she avoided it to the point where I was tempted to nag her about it, then yes I would just throw up my hands. Why on earth would any man want his wife to do something that she really doesn't want to do and doesn't enjoy? "Obligation sex" is a major turn-off. 




FrankKissel said:


> Of course.
> On the other hand, the sex doesn't just stop without a reason either. It may have something to do with what the husband is/is not doing; it may have nothing to do with him at all.
> But if the husband wants an active sex life again, his time and energies are far better spent learning and addressing (if possible) the factors that caused the drop off. Nagging, begging, pleading, whining, sulking, threatening, etc., all seem counterproductive.


Exactly!

Approaching the issue without whining or nagging is important, but if sex is a chore for your spouse, then you're probably dead in the water unless and until that's fixed. (Assuming it can be.)


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> Romancing her is so so important. It helps build that desire within her. When you also stay in shape, dress nice for her while Romancing her and you have an unstoppable combination where she wants to jump your bones.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh no you bloody dont!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm the woman and I want more sex then my husband does and he has a high drive. I want it 2-3 times a day. He's happy with 5-6 days a week. I often think I'm pushing it and I hold off. I don't want to think he "has" to please me.

I don't know if it's my high drive that kicked in due to my age or that I'm head over heels fallen in love with him.

I can tell you, with my increased drive, he's one happy man.

I'm sorry to chime in here, but I had to. I know there are others on this site that feel the same way I do. 

I think about sex all day long or very frequently through out the day. I'm
Assuming that's what you men go through as well?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

The Chimp said:


> morituri said:
> 
> 
> > Another thing Chimp is forgetting is that if his wife finds a more attractive man than him to share her life with, she may not think twice of ending the marriage and so his worst fears will become a reality. A mindset, as well as a plan of action, should be developed just for this possible scenario.
> ...


You're missing the point. I don't know what the statistics are in the UK but here in the States, 2/3 of all divorce filings are done by women. Seeing how both countries seem to have similar divorce laws, it wouldn't be surprising if the UK had similar divorce statistics. If that is the case, the odds of keeping the 'ladylike' mrs the chimp wanting to remain married to you are at best 50%. Like it or not, you don't hold all the cards as far as "'til death do us part'" you know. 

Add to this that the longer a couple is married, the better the odds are that one or both are going to cheat on one another. Don't believe me? Go and hang out over to the 'Coping with infidelity' forum and you will read story after story of couples having been married 15, 20, or 30 years before the marriage was struck by infidelity. Even women who are very prim and proper to those closest to them, their family and friends, have been known to become sexual demons once they encounter a man who is good at seducing married women. Ever heard the saying 'a lady in the kitchen and a wh0re in the bedroom'? Cheating wives may be ladies in the kitchen with their husbands, but are wh0res in the bedroom with their lovers. The sad thing is that her sexually deprived husband is playing by the rules while unbeknownst to him, she has re-written them and partaking in a one sided open marriage.

So in the end, all your paternal martirdom may end up being for nothing.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

morituri said:


> You're missing the point. I don't know what the statistics are in the UK but here in the States, 2/3 of all divorce filings are done by women. Seeing how both countries seem to have similar divorce laws, it wouldn't be surprising if the UK had similar divorce statistics. If that is the case, the odds of keeping the 'ladylike' mrs the chimp wanting to remain married to you are at best 50%. Like it or not, you don't hold all the cards as far as "'til death do us part'" you know.
> 
> Add to this that the longer a couple is married, the better the odds are that one or both are going to cheat on one another. Don't believe me? Go and hang out over to the 'Coping with infidelity' forum and you will read story after story of couples having been married 15, 20, or 30 years before the marriage was struck by infidelity. Even women who are very prim and proper to those closest to them, their family and friends, have been known to become sexual demons once they encounter a man who is good at seducing married women. Ever heard the saying 'a lady in the kitchen and a wh0re in the bedroom'? Cheating wives may be ladies in the kitchen with their husbands, but are wh0res in the bedroom with their lovers. The sad thing is that her sexually deprived husband is playing by the rules while unbeknownst to him, she has re-written them and partaking in a one sided open marriage.
> 
> So in the end, all your paternal martirdom may end up being for nothing.


So what you are saying is that the chances are she will cheat or divorce me, so I should divorce her first? I asked if I should get my retaliation in first and you said I didn't get it. I can do that, I lose half the time with my kids and get to say "nah nah, I divorced you!" to her, and this is a good result for me?

You are not giving anyone any ideas about how to re-write the rules or get my wife to play by the rules.

Manning up has not worked, and turning down the temperature has not got a response beyond "You are quiet".

Any suggestions?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

The Chimp said:


> So what you are saying is that the chances are she will cheat or divorce me, so I should divorce her first? I asked if I should get my retaliation in first and you said I didn't get it. I can do that,*I lose half the time with my kids* and get to say "nah nah, I divorced you!" to her, and this is a good result for me?
> 
> You are not giving anyone any ideas about how to re-write the rules or get my wife to play by the rules.
> 
> ...


Yes, *divorce your wife*. Like it or not, the scenario I described - wife cuts sex from husband but gives it to another man - happens often enough and the sad thing about it is that it could have been avoided if the husband had chosen not to accept it.

I made my comments because you were making excuses - see bold highlighted words above - as the reason why you did not want to divorce your wife so you could be free to find a woman who would love you and be sexually attracted to you. *Open your eyes man! Your wife's love for you is that of a sibling not a lover.*

If you truly manup you would cut your losses - divorce - after all honest attempts on your part to improve your sex life had failed. Right now, your wife probably knows that she could cheat on you and you would not divorce her because *"I lose half the time with my kids"*.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

morituri said:


> Yes, *divorce your wife*. Like it or not, the scenario I described - wife cuts sex from husband but gives it to another man - happens often enough and the sad thing about it is that it could have been avoided if the husband had chosen not to accept it.
> 
> I made my comments because you were making excuses - see bold highlighted words above - as the reason why you did not want to divorce your wife so you could be free to find a woman who would love you and be sexually attracted to you. *Open your eyes man! Your wife's love for you is that of a sibling not a lover.*
> 
> If you truly manup you would cut your losses - divorce - after all honest attempts on your part to improve your sex life had failed. Right now, your wife probably knows that she could cheat on you and you would not divorce her because *"I lose half the time with my kids"*.


So you're saying that if I don't think sex is more important than 50% of my kids lives, I'm stupid?

I don't just want a random shag. I want to have a sex life with my wife. Like I used to have. The problem I have got is that the methods recommended have totally failed. 

Maybe I am not quite ready to give up yet, especially to give away half of the time with my kids.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Sex is NOT about a 'random shag' as you put it, if it was solely orgasm oriented you could achieve the same results with Rosie Palm and her five lovely daughters and without cheating or exposing yourself to dangerous STDS. It is about being emotionally connected to the woman you love via physical intimacy. So unless you've been an emotionally and/or physically abusive husband who has treated his wife like crap, then what your wife has been doing to you is considered abuse and since she has proven resistant to efforts to resolve the issue then you have two options. Continue living in a hopeless situation where sex with the woman you married is a thing of the past. Or divorce her so you will be free to find a woman who truly loves you and wants to be physically intimate with you. But if you choose the first option then don't complain about the lack of sex, you chose it.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

morituri said:


> Sex is NOT about a 'random shag' as you put it, if it was solely orgasm oriented you could achieve the same results with Rosie Palm and her five lovely daughters and without cheating or exposing yourself to dangerous STDS. It is about being emotionally connected to the woman you love via physical intimacy. So unless you've been an emotionally and/or physically abusive husband who has treated his wife like crap, then what your wife has been doing to you is considered abuse and since she has proven resistant to efforts to resolve the issue then you have two options. Continue living in a hopeless situation where sex with the woman you married is a thing of the past. Or divorce her so you will be free to find a woman who truly loves you and wants to be physically intimate with you. But if you choose the first option then don't complain about the lack of sex, you chose it.


I am noticing that sex is the only concern for you. I asked before and you ignored the question. Am I stupid for placing my kids as more important than sex?


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## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

The Chimp said:


> I am noticing that sex is the only concern for you. I asked before and you ignored the question. Am I stupid for placing my kids as more important than sex?


It’s not about being stupid and it’s not about placing sex above your kids.

You can suck it up and deal with your situation. It’s a tough one, I’ve been there. But if you think that the resentment and other feelings that you will have to bury (if you stay with your wife in a sexless marriage) will not affect you as a parent, I think you’re mistaken.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

The Chimp said:


> I am noticing that sex is the only concern for you. I asked before and you ignored the question. Am I stupid for placing my kids as more important than sex?


Yes you are. You are short changing your kids out of an emotionally happy father. *Sex and copulation are two totally different things. Sex is the physical manifestation of love and caring between husband and wife. It is the symbolic joining of each other in marriage.* 

You are also giving them a bad example of what a husband and a father is all about. Your sons will be more apt to get involved with women just like their mother and your daughters will be more apt to become carbon copies of their mother. And why not? You will be the master mold they will be referencing when they enter into committed relationships.

I am also noticing that for you copulating is more important than sex. If that is the case, then I can see why your wife may be turned off to being physically intimate with you.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

CantBeJustMe said:


> It’s not about being stupid and it’s not about placing sex above your kids.
> 
> You can suck it up and deal with your situation. It’s a tough one, I’ve been there. But if you think that the resentment and other feelings that you will have to bury (if you stay with your wife in a sexless marriage) will not affect you as a parent, I think you’re mistaken.


I would not disagree with you but at the mo I see it as the less of two evils.


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## The Chimp (Feb 14, 2012)

morituri said:


> Yes you are. You are short changing your kids out of an emotionally happy father. *Sex and copulation are two totally different things. Sex is the physical manifestation of love and caring between husband and wife. It is the symbolic joining of each other in marriage.*


I don't get what you mean about sex and copulation. What I want is what you are describing, but "ladies" do not show love and caring to their husbands through sex, apparently. 



> You are also giving them a bad example of what a husband and a father is all about. Your sons will be more apt to get involved with women just like their mother and your daughters will be more apt to become carbon copies of their mother. And why not? You will be the master mold they will be referencing when they enter into committed relationships.


Why will my daughters be more like their mother if I'm there all the time than if I'm not? This doesn't make sense.



> I am also noticing that for you copulating is more important than sex. If that is the case, then I can see why your wife may be turned off to being physically intimate with you.


I don't really understand what you mean. If you are saying I want random sex with anyone, rather than a loving relationship with my wife, you are totally wrong. But I am with a woman who beleives that sex is not a proper form of expressing love, but something dirty and "unladylike".


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