# I think I'm addicted to sex....



## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

I don't really want to go into details, but this is what I have come up with. Who knows, it could just be because I didn't get enough in my marriage? Maybe both?

Now that I am in the process of divorce, I will be looking again. I deserve to be happy. Its been so long since I've dated, and I obviously don't want to make the same mistake I did with my husband.

I know that in my next relationship, I need someone that is as open, kinky, and interested in sex as I am. I know that while its not the MOST important part...its pretty high up there on my list. 

So...my question is: How open should a woman of my nature be with a new guy? Will this scare men away? I don't want to come off as a **** with anyone, because I am far from...but I also want it where there is absolutely ZERO confusion. Is there something I should be doing right now to "tame" myself? Or do I just say screw it? lol

Please, any help or advice is appreciated!!


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Ok, dont make the mistake of doing too much right off the bat bc you miss sex... I have been there and it landed me in a horrifying 2nd marriage. You want the man (sorry guys) to prove to you that he values you by actions... showing you that what is important to you is important to him. If you have wild sex too soon you wont be able to tell the difference between hot and heavy passion and true compassion. I know its really hard to think of waiting even longer to finally have that sex you yearn for, but we teach others how we want to be treated... and if you teach that he doesnt have to first respect you and you him, then that will be the dynamic in your relationship. 

As my girlfriend tells me, when I finally leave my husband she will make sure that a man has been allowed to prove his respect to me first... she doesnt want to see me get hurt again (this marriage has been so much more painful than my first, emotionally, as I allowed myself to fall in love with a man while at the same time allowing him to behave in ways that are not appropriate, bc I didnt want to lose him. You will only be ready to take that plunge when you are willing to risk losing someone to keep your emotional well being and self respect in tact... and that is by only allowing yourself to be with someone who proves to you only respect. This does not mean disagreements cant happen, its how they are handled... you have to watch how he and you approach all kinds of new experiences and disappointments etc. If you feel you can do this while having that wild sex... well... dont cloud your mind with it... good sex over time with built upon respect will only get hotter and hotter....

Talk about what you like and turn each other on with what you would like to experience someday if you two decide your relationship has the staying power of respect.

Just my 2 cents


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Openness is one thing, candid, another. However, pulling out the ball gag, whips and chainsaw on the first date might be construed as over the top.


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## rider03 (Apr 7, 2009)

michzz said:


> Openness is one thing, candid, another. However, pulling out the ball gag, whips and chainsaw on the first date might be construed as over the top.


Bwahahaha! Sorry, but that's funny.

"Addicted" and "deserve" are both strong words. What do any of us "deserve"? That's something for each of us to decide on our own. I used to think I thought about sex way more than most guys but I've since found out I'm really normal. You probably are too.

That said...I think it's pretty important to find a mate with similar sexual desires. Unfortunately, if you do it the right way, that'll mean a committment of time and emotions before actually finding that out from a potential mate. Seems to me it's more important to most men than it is to most women. Not all....but most. Personally, I think semi-casual sex is fine if one uses good judgement and is safe. But that's just me.

I'm seperated and I have no idea if I'll end up back together or divorced. But I do know if I divorce, I will make sure my next partner is on the same page with me in that department. And that, for me, is nothing weird or strange, but more than boring.

Good luck! Make wise choices!


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## DNewsom77 (Apr 26, 2010)

I don't think you need to worry too much. Sounds like you got a bit unlucky the first time around. I think you'll find that most guys will be just as kinky, and into sex as you are. Perhaps while you are dating, you can drop some hints that you weren't completely sexually satisfied in your first marriage. That will let him know that it is important to you -- so it should be to him as well. I don't think you need to go into much details about what you like with regard to sex. I think most guys would say yes to anything sexually.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I feel everyone who goes out looking for new love should take things slow, jumping in too soon can cause things to get "strange" and might strangle even a potential great relationship. 

*Easier said than done if you LOVE & MISS sex though !!*

I would suggest try talking honestly about how affectionate you are but at the same time, the importance of not going too fast. Showing "some" restraint is a good thing, even a turn on , and interest grabber , more likely to get a 2nd date & so on . 



Above all >>>> Try to get a REAL feel of what his "Love Languages" are & in what order. Whether *Quality Time,* *Words of Affirmation*, *Physical Touch*, *Gifts* or *Acts of Service*. 

When you are with someone who shares the same Love languages in a similar order, it allows for Dating/ Marraige to flow so much more easily, because you each want to express love in the same way (language) to each other. 

If Affection & Physical touch is high on your list, just take it slow and establish if these men feel the same. I think it is alot harder for MEN to find women with this HIGH on the list than the other way around . The majority of men I know are matched with "Acts of Service" priority women (my friends) and their #1 is Physical touch, it has ended a few marraiges I personally know. 

I just talked to another friend last night about her & her husband, and theirs are off kilter too, she admits it takes "WORK" cause she has to do things that dont come all that natural to her to keep him happy. He is always trying to give her gifts, to the point of her not wanting them. (is low on her importance- but high on his). He desires Quality time, she likes her space. He is unhappy when they are not together. It is very hard for him. They do make it work, but have had ALOT of rough patches along the way, in trying to meet each others greatest needs -which are different than their own. 

I have 6 kids, this will be my greatest advice to them -before they marry.

Here is a thread I started on this particular subject , in case you never heard of this wonderful book, the languages explained & an online test. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-languages-how-does-affect-your-marraige.html


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

To answer your question, you should be pretty open with him if you think the relationship is serious.

Important things like financial responsibility, future kids, jobs, relocation, and yes, sex, should be discussed. 

But not on the first date.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

You know I used to think the same thing. . .that I was going so crazy that I was addicted to sex but once I got it after I separated, I have to say I was like, "Whew! That's better." and I am not as obsessed with it as much any more.

More than likely you'll be the same.

I think the operative word is "healthy" - you want a "healthy" sex life and of course, that is different with a lot of people but to me, yes, that means a decent weekly (not monthly, lol!) frequency, maybe even 2x in one day once in awhile, lol, a little kink and making love as well as scr**ing. Monogamy for obvious disease reasons.

No, most men won't be scared away - most men will be wondering where the one arm is on the bandit because they realize they hit the jackpot.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Me too!!!!
 But I dont see it as a problem

Here is what I think about openess.. and as it relates to new relationship. Although some things you probably wont LEAD with on the first date you are obligated imho to set the record straight right out of the gate so to speak. I look at it like this. There are more people whom you are NOT compatible than are. This is what makes finding that special someone so....SPECIAL!!!
duh. 
So goal is to be open as possible to get to the understanding that he/she is NOT compatible and let them move on before feelings develope around false pretenses. Im all for letting it all go. If someone doesnt like that.. great!!!! Better know asap right?


good topic needy wife!!!

vino!


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

and i'll also add needy wife, to your comment regarding scaring him away: GOOD!!!! 

If he's scared let that sissy run. 

btw.. doesnt scare me!! HAHAHAHA

Be who you are, you're more likely to find the right person or at minimum keep the wrong ones away... either one or both is a win no?


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

Obviously this isn't something that I would bring up on a first date, but I wouldn't turn away from the conversation if he were the one to bring it up...lol I have absolutely no problem talking about sex to anyone. I don't see anything wrong with it, and I honestly do see why its made to be a hush hush type of thing. 
Scanner, I used to think it might be the lack of sex in my marriage, but the more time that goes by...I think it might be both. Healthy is would be a good start, and I would take that without thinking twice. Unless there is health issues etc, stopping a couple, I honestly don't see why every day is too much to ask. Because at the end of the day...you will be laying with them...why not really work each other out? 
Vino, AMEN! I would much rather get it out in the open right away. No one will get hurt that way, and disappointments are less likely to happen.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> Vino, AMEN! I would much rather get it out in the open right away. No one will get hurt that way, and disappointments are less likely to happen.


Mmm. . .that's a tough one. . .to talk about sex on the first date. . .that's an absolute minefield for a guy. You risk only a little with you brining it up as a woman.

I get what you both are saying. . .you are "weeding" out the non-sexual women or men that way but I don't know. . .first date. . .as a guy. . .you stay away from:

1. Weight
2. Sex
3. Ex's

as subjects.

Hmmm. . .if a woman asked me if I was thinking about this or that with sex and how I felt about it ( that's a hard hit ball to r. field ), I would field it like this:

"I would never think about such a thing. I am a gentleman. I don't harbor sexual thoughts. Never in a million years. My thoughts are pure and innocent." 

On first dates you have to play those tricky balls conservatively.


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

"I would never think about such a thing. I am a gentleman. I don't harbor sexual thoughts. Never in a million years. My thoughts are pure and innocent." 



:lol::lol::lol::lol:

Yeah, so are mine!


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## Inthewild (Aug 4, 2010)

I have a friend she is the same, I am married so she is not for me but she asks for advice because she is dating or trying to and is concerned she will atract the wrong type


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