# Don't lose all hope



## HurtInOH (Oct 12, 2011)

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I posted. Last October, I posted this thread: Devistated by wife's emotional affair

I just wanted to check in and give some hope to those who might be going through something similar now.

I think I can honestly say that after everything, I am as over this as I will ever be and that our marriage has never been stronger. I can say that mostly because of how my wife has handled her responsibility in this.

Since the day I confronted my wife about her EA, she has done everything she can to be open and honest and to give me complete access to absolutely anything I want, i.e. phone, Verizon acct password, Facebook account, email, etc.

She constantly reassures me and lets me know how much she loves and appreciates me. I try to do the same and make sure that she has no reason to look elsewhere.

I still check up on her from time to time, just every once in a while, but she has been clean and willing to prove it.

I know my circumstances may not match everyone's or even most people's but I just wanted people to know that just because your wife or husband strayed, especially if it was just limited to online activity, that there is still a chance to have a loving, meaningful marriage if your spouse is fully committed to breaking ties and repairing his or her credibility a day at a time.

To those that are going through this now, I wish you the best. If you ever want any advice, feel free to drop me a line.

Good luck


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Considering all of the threads of late, I am happy to read this one!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

how are you checking up on her? She knows that you have access to her accounts


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Glad to know things are looking on the up OP, best wishes


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Great News. I hope for the best. Take Care


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> how are you checking up on her? She knows that you have access to her accounts


:iagree:


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

HurtInOH, I had to read your original thread again to refresh my memory about your situation. On the surface, your post looks good and it looks like R is progressing well. But I do have a few questions, and please answer them since you're telling others not to lose all hope.

From your original thread:


OM lives in the local area - You're confident it didn't go PA because you say you know of her whereabouts 99 percent of the time and that the cameras at her work are high resolution so they couldn't be having sex in the parking lot. But how do you know she's at work all day? Do you have access to her paystubs?
You never exposed the EA to the OMW, only threatened to. I got suspicioius when your WW asked you if you had done anything "crazy" like contacting OM or his wife. Like all WSs, she fears exposure. So up to know, the OMW is in the dark, and her WH can continue to seek out other women.
You never used a VAR - Yes, she has given you access to her phone. But its very easy to get a cheap pay as you go type phone nowadays.
You never installed a keylogger or other computer monitoring software - you only check on her by checking the browsing history. 
She has given you access to her "known" accounts - since you haven't installed any software, you don't know if she has any secret accounts. You say your WW is not tech savvy, but your are. That's being overconfident and understimating her. That's what I did too. Little did I know that my fWW was smart enough to create secret facebook accounts and emails and sign up for online calling cards, etc. Don't underestimate her.
You say her last contact with OM was Feb 2011 and she stopped because she felt guilty. This usally doesn't happen from what we know about affairs. It usually escalates to PA, especially if the AP lives in the local area. OM apparently tried to fish in August, but she claims she didn't respond - you took her word for it that she didn't respond because you couldn't find an answering message. She could have deleted it you know. 

The only thing I see positive in your post is that she appears to be compassionate toward your feelings. On the other hand, she was never exposed and it looks like she hasn't suffered any consequences. What's to stop her from doing it again? And by the way you check on her, its very easy to take it underground since she now knows what you're monitoring.

This is one of these instances where I hope I'm wrong and that you really are in True R, and not False R. But I can't shake that feeling that you rugswept this. Again, I hope I'm wrong.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> On the other hand, she was never exposed and it looks like she hasn't suffered any consequences. What's to stop her from doing it again?


Yeah. She had it the easy way. 

Also, being willing to answer the questions is not the same to being remorseful. 

OP, of course she was going to be by your side all the time you weren't feeling well. Why not? You made her walk away pretty easily. 
While she supports you, she could be making plans about the next affair.
Keep an eye open.


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## Owyn (Jul 9, 2012)

Have you been to MC? Or have either of you been to IC, especially her?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Great news Hurt, I hope you continue down the road to success. Be vigilant in understanding where your wife is emotionally. If she has honored the NC rule this long chances for a happy marriage are good. If you two are anything like us there is a phrase I use to describe the turn around. I never knew how much I would lose in my wife until I nearly lost her to another. She never knew how much she had to lose in me until she realized I was ready to leave her despite my love for her. We are now 5 years post D-Day. Good luck.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Good post lordmayhem.

If you have read any of the post at the affair site d0cc00l, there are quite a few threads there from cheating spouses mocking the betrayed spouse. Use the lovey dovey on the BS while continuing on the affair.


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