# New here need some advice(wife says Im controlling)



## sidewaz (Nov 14, 2008)

Ok ill tell the whole story so you can decide me and my wife have been together for 8 years off and on, married for 2 years this month shes 22 im 25, she likes to run around all night with her friends and come home at 1-2 in the morning sometimes later than that and she also wants to go out to clubs with her friends. I feel like I didnt get married to go to bed everynight by myself and I dont think its right for he to do or try to do the stuff she does and when I complain she says im not her daddy and that im being controlling I dont know what to do cause its making me unhappy any info would be appreciated thanks


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## Guest (Nov 15, 2008)

That's not controlling. However, are you doing things to make her feel that way during the days your together or on the phone that would push her to want to get the hell out of the house?

The one thing that stands out to me as well is her age.


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## sidewaz (Nov 14, 2008)

Nope I dont do anything to make her wanna leave, she gets any and everything she wants I dont know if that could be the reason but her age is a good reason cause everytime we argue about it she says im still young and I wanna have fun I cant help it you act like a old man. but what she dont understand is I have a good job and I haft to be at work at 5am every morning so around 9 or 10 at night im tired. But I just needed to hear somebody elses opinion to see if im controlling or not cause accordind to my wife I am and she tells me her friends and her family say I am to


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

It is wrong, in my opinion, for her to be out that late without you. Do you guys do anything fun together? Was she like this before you got married?

So you dont seem controlling to her, in this particular issue, all you can do is tell her how you feel about what she's doing. Use "I feel" statements and dont accuse her of making you feel a certain way. She'll have to suffer the consequences of her choices.


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## sidewaz (Nov 14, 2008)

I told her how I felt and she doesnt think she is doing anything wrong, but she says she's not gonna do it anymore I just dont see how you can fix a problem if you dont think your doin anything wrong


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

i won't do anymore but i don't think i'm doing anything wrong??? sounds like she's setting herself up to keep the door open. wow.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

sidewaz said:


> she doesnt think she is doing anything wrong, but she says she's not gonna do it anymore


If she says it this way it reaffirms in her own mind that she's being controlled.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> If she says it this way it reaffirms in her own mind that she's being controlled.


agreed. also confirms that she is manipulative. at least.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

so you guys been together since she was 14?? and married since she was 20??

She is sowing her wild oates, she needs to go out and party and ahve a good time, you should join her or let her go out with her friends, it will last a few years then it will go away.

My personal opinion is you go t married way to young, I do not think anyone should be married before the age of 26. Just to get the youth out of their systems, but that is my own opinion.


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## sidewaz (Nov 14, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> so you guys been together since she was 14?? and married since she was 20??
> 
> She is sowing her wild oates, she needs to go out and party and ahve a good time, you should join her or let her go out with her friends, it will last a few years then it will go away.
> 
> My personal opinion is you go t married way to young, I do not think anyone should be married before the age of 26. Just to get the youth out of their systems, but that is my own opinion.


No it was off and on we was apart for a while and we both did enough partying to get it out of our systems or at least I did


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

She obviously didn't get it out of her system. Have you tried compromising on this? It seems like one extreme to another right now (party all hours at the clubs vs. stay home) Maybe it would help the two of you to spend time out together...dinner with other married friends...where it's not 'party girl' vs. 'old man' but 'young married couple' having fun together.


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## sidewaz (Nov 14, 2008)

swedish said:


> She obviously didn't get it out of her system. Have you tried compromising on this? It seems like one extreme to another right now (party all hours at the clubs vs. stay home) Maybe it would help the two of you to spend time out together...dinner with other married friends...where it's not 'party girl' vs. 'old man' but 'young married couple' having fun together.


thats the thing though we do that at least once a week and its not just about her going to clubs she just comes up with all kinds of reasons to leave at night when im gettin ready for bed


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well she is still sowing her wild oates, If you trust her let her go party with ehr friends, if not then you both really need to work something out.

I like to go out late to my neighbors house and hang out, my wife goes to bed, but she kows where I am and has no problem.

Bottom line it's about trust and communication.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

your both so young ... you should be out partying together .. surprize her with a romantic night out together put some zing into you life dare to enjoy being together... lifes for living for laughing and for fun .. dont control live it together


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## allbright (Dec 6, 2008)

one thing we can be certain of is human nature and its basic principles:

1 humans tend to resist things that controll or restrict them

2 Human beings only want what they cannot have

by restricting you wifes wish to go out you will be pushing her further away from you and showing her that you want to controll aspects of her life.
In my opinion you should respect her wishes and try to create a positive situation tell her how nice she looks when she is going out and when she commes home do not be judgemental about what time she got back but ask her if she had a good night.by doing this you will be creating a calm situation where she will look forward to comming home to you.
Iam writing this reply as i once was controlling and after 15 years of marriage my wife told me she wanted to seperate.after one discussion she told me a big part of it was she felt her life had come to a complete stop as she no longer wanted to go out anymore because when she went out without me i would get upset about it and try and stop her.I have since changed my controlling ways and we are now back together and she has since told me that she cannot believe the change in me and if that had not happened there was no way we would have ever got back together.what i am trying to say to you is you have to change your way of thinking if you want your relationship with your wife to change because what starts out as small controlling issues soon move on to bigger ones where you will be trying to controll every aspect of her life like i did some times not even realising that you are doing it.Soon you will find your wife wanting to spend more time with you than going out with her friends it may not happen overnight but with the right attitude it will happen. because as many people on this forum will tell you there is nothing more stressfull and heartbreaking than your partner no longer wanting to be with you and hopefully it is something you may never have to experience.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> It is wrong, in my opinion, for her to be out that late without you. Do you guys do anything fun together? Was she like this before you got married?
> 
> So you dont seem controlling to her, in this particular issue, all you can do is tell her how you feel about what she's doing. Use "I feel" statements and dont accuse her of making you feel a certain way. She'll have to suffer the consequences of her choices.


Are you saying a married woman shouldnt be out that late without her husband? Why not? As long as theres nothing untoward going on.

Then again, every day is another issue !!!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

sidewaz-

This must be tough for you. It's a pity you have to be up at 5am. I myself would resit such early mornings with vigour.

How is the rest of your relationship?


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