# Men, what exactly was the point of this?!



## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

I'm curious from a male's point of view what the possible motive in something that happened to me was... not really a huge event, but kind of odd. I don't really get hit on a lot as I don't really hang out in places where people are typically at to meet members of the opposite sex (bars, clubs, parties what have you). 

The other week I was leaving Walmart and walking back to my car in the parking lot. A truck pulled up beside me as I'm walking and a dude leaned over said "I just wanted to say you're gorgeous." Literally those were the words. I am caught completely off guard and I'm sure my face was scrunched up in confusion as I said thanks... and then he drove away. Honestly, my first reaction was fear. It was starting to get dark, I was alone, and the area i live in has frequent break ins and the occasional purse snatchings at gun point... i rushed to my car as fast as i could thinking maybe he was coming to attack me or follow me home. But alas, i lived! :rofl: And now i just wonder... what was the deal? I was dressed normally in jeans and a tshirt, no makeup. I know I'm cute, but seriously, i am by no means a "stop your car and feel compelled to express adoration" type of attractive. Was he just a good guy who wanted to give a random act of kindness and pick the first woman he saw and tell them they're beautiful to make their day? I mean, if he was truly trying to hit on me wouldn't he have tried to ask for my number, and not just drive away? He was already bold enough to say anything at all to me. After the fear subsided, I didn't know whether to feel flattered or like a charity case... lol. Every friend i have told the story to has reacted by saying "creepy." So, guys, tell me... what do you think was the point of this guy's compliment and odd delivery??


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Hi,

I'm a 25 year old man and here is my opinion.

1) There is nothing wrong with a random act of kindness. I think everyone likes to get complimented whether merited or not. It doesn't mean anything in your regards. I do this all the time in fact. Just the other day I saw this older lady. It was pretty obvious she had a crap job and wasn't enjoying life. I gave her a compliment without expecting anything in return. It's a nice thing to do. It's sad some people think it's creepy. It really is. I'm sure she felt better about herself after. The world could use more this. Lifting people up is great!!! 

2) Despite the fact that you don't believe you are "gorgeous" (you put it in other words), perhaps he actually did. Perhaps he saw you somewhere else and just needed to get it off his chest. Perhaps he saw your soul or your aura and was merely speaking the truth. In this vast world sometimes we might see someone and then poof they are gone forever. In that contrast, I wouldn't underestimate your beauty. Don't be so pessimistic. 

3) He could have been practicing. It's not easy talking to women for most men. Perhaps he was just practicing and getting outside of his comfort zone. Saying something like that could have been a big achievement for him! Don't make it all about you! 

4) Perhaps he did want to ask you for your number. In my early days of meeting women I would often struggle with the introduction and preliminary pleasantries that when I felt like it went well, I never opted to ask for the number because in my mind I had already succeeded (which would of been overcoming the fear of simply talking to a woman). Maybe it just ended there because he didn't know how to bridge the conversation from A to B to C and / or it got awkward. Happens a lot. 

5) He was going to ask for your number but you scared him off. 

I'm Canadian. Up here, people are very nice to each other all the time and nearly everyone is always willing to lend a hand. Down south or out east, people are more reserved and often perceived as anti-social, or just ****s to be blunt. Depends where you are to and the social norms there. For instance, in France, people kiss on the cheek when they say hello. Does it mean anything? Not really. Maybe I am just a bit racist. But I digress! 


Hope this helps. Don't think about it so much. IMO it doesn't mean anything. One time I waved at a chick I didn't know just to mess with her. 

There you have it!


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Men are just wired that way and many will just see a cute girl and have to say something even if they had no real intention of follow through. It is a kneejerk response for some men to do that.

Understandably, that may seem bizarre and sometime upsetting in some scenarios. Truth is, us men are very keen on almost every woman that is present in our view...we can spot a pretty girl in a car, three cars away coming from the opposite direction. 

That radar is very instinctual, yet many have honed and trained themselves to keep their eyeballs to themselves as well as their comments. Others, will say the first thing that pops in their head, perhaps having a little less self control. And more others may just reserve their compliments for special moments. LOL. Welcome to the world of men!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

He vocally expressed how he felt about you. Thought you were pretty and told you so.

Be thankful?


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

A friend of mine went through a rough divorce. After the dust settled a bit he's suddenly buying flowers for random women he sees on the street and telling them they're beautiful. Is he a little crazy...yeah. Is he harmless....yeah. The happy ending is that, thought I don't think this was his intention, one of those women he approached with the "I think you're beautiful" line is now his wife and they seem very happy. I think do that stuff just made him feel alive again after going through hell. 

That said, now you know there are men out there that think you are "gorgeous". That's pretty cool right?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Sometimes, some random woman just really lights your fire and you gotta say something. You figure you either can't get her because you or she is married or for some other reason and you figure you will likely never see her again or how she looks at that moment and you just gotta tell her, because it may never happen again that you see someone that attractive and have the guts.

Do I get a prize for that run-on sentence?? Huh? Do I?


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

NOT to be negative... but a lot of guys that get laid often, get laid often because they do that exactly.

I try really hard with any female friends/relatives/etc to try to coach them towards a point where they place *very little stock* in male validation (none hopefully) since 99.99% of the time there is *very little* behind it beyond wanting to get laid.

I hear it all the time "do you think he liked me?" "did he really mean I'm hot?" And the answer is of course "yes". But that's because, honestly, most guys think *most* women are "hot" or let's say "hot enough".

You just have to take it for what it is... Also women are really funny. If whatever their image of a "dream guy" says something they melt. If it's some dude hanging out of a pickup its "maybe I'd better dial 911". Reality is both guys have pretty much the same wiring just a different packaging


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

That's a messed up view right there. Invalidate her feelings because you are afraid she will succumb to some guy she really likes? Odd really. I guess it's a way of keeping yourself looking better in her mind than you should? I don't know, but it sure seems insecure.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

No way of knowing. Regardless of his motives, feel good about yourself because you are someone worth knowing.



I reluctantly add, parking lots can be dangerous any time of day. I recall a handful of very serious violent crimes in the news over the last decade in the relatively safe suburbs surrounding the city near where I live...where they began with abduction/abduction attempts from Walmart parking lots. That's just to say, bad things happen in exactly that sort of environment so it is best to not let people get close by. (Sounds like you were caught off guard. Sounds like he probably meant no harm. If you see him again though, don't let your guard down).


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

How big of a city are you in? Maybe he has seen you a couple of times and is thinking he will see you again.

The compliment is a good start for a future conversation.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

he was probably waiting in his truck, saw you walking, something in the way your walked, how you did your hair, your figure, just hit exactly what he loved in a woman. Do not discount it, you probably ARE gorgous. Start thinking that way! power of positive thinking.

BTW, next time, get HIS number....


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Sometimes we feel the need to tell a woman she is gorgeous...

We are visually stimulated and vocal.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Also, OP, I really don't think most guys realize how creepy and alarming the situation you describe can be to a woman. Guys aren't typically afraid of women who approach them at random, because it's pretty rare that they really need to be. When was the last time some guy was snatched out of a parking lot by a woman who then raped/tortured/killed him? And yet, that sort of thing does happen to women. Not all the time, but with enough regularity that it's something that comes to mind as a possibility when a strange man approaches you in a dark, mostly empty, parking lot. 

Your initial reaction was to be afraid for your personal safety. That you might feel that way probably - hopefully - didn't even register with the guy. He saw you, thought you were hot, and had either enough balls or enough alcohol to approach you in the manner he did. There's a good chance this was purely harmless. 

Oh, and fellas? This is an excellent way to get tased or hosed down with pepper spray. If you want to pull a cold approach, try to do it in a setting that hasn't been the basis for pretty much every episode of Criminal Minds, CSI, or America's Most Wanted ever filmed.... Just sayin'.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

It's sad that a simple thing like this can get so complicated, and rightfully so. I've been in a situation before, several, where you see someone, and maybe it isn't purely physical, sometimes people just carry themselves so well, confidently, assuredly, that "cute" can become "wow." I had the thought that this guy did, and like others are saying, the motivation and thought of, "gee, wouldn't that person like to hear it?"

The first issue is, IMO, a very conflicting feeling arises in a married man when he sees another woman and is attracted to her, that's part one right off the bat. "OMG, I'm cheating, I shouldn't be looking at women!!" And many people on here validate that thought.

The second issue is, how would it be taken? Would the woman think you're hitting on her? Would she think you're "casing the joint" to mug her back at her car? What?

The third issue is, yeah, what's the point? Oh, really.......sure.....you just thought you'd compliment them, huh? That is probably the least likely result of the encounter, but it's very sad, and really kinda encompasses very succinctly what I feel is a common concept, that I read on here and experience IRL. Once you are married, all of the validation and feedback and input you got from everyone you met, that serves to give us those little ego shots, ego boosts, little feel-goods......has to come from one person now. But, here's the thing: the familiarity of that person is completely counter-productive in these instances.

Think about it: forget the questions about 'why' this guy said this, and let's try to assume simplicity. He saw her, and was so "wow" by her, he had to stop and tell her. How cool is that? You're trying to tell me, if your spouse of 20 years said to you, "gee, you look good today," that it would have the same impact?

To sum up: it'd be nice if, across the board, we could al just pay each other compliments as we saw fit without having it become such a damn mess.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

changedbeliefs said:


> The first issue is, IMO, a very conflicting feeling arises in a married man when he sees another woman and is attracted to her, that's part one right off the bat. "OMG, I'm cheating, I shouldn't be looking at women!!" And many people on here validate that thought.


Just because you are married and committed, doesn't mean that your natural human instincts are not in place.

Personally, I find myself doing above. But I also catch myself and correct it when it comes.

It's not easy.

I was never vocal to other women, but had PLENTY of temptation to be, I just don't want to give off "I want you" signals or "I'm a dog".

Sometimes, I simply want to tell a lady she looks great, even though I love my wife and would never cheat or do anything with this woman.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Rowan said:


> Also, OP, I really don't think most guys realize how creepy and alarming the situation you describe can be to a woman. Guys aren't typically afraid of women who approach them at random, because it's pretty rare that they really need to be. When was the last time some guy was snatched out of a parking lot by a woman who then raped/tortured/killed him? And yet, that sort of thing does happen to women. Not all the time, but with enough regularity that it's something that comes to mind as a possibility when a strange man approaches you in a dark, mostly empty, parking lot.
> 
> Your initial reaction was to be afraid for your personal safety. That you might feel that way probably - hopefully - didn't even register with the guy. He saw you, thought you were hot, and had either enough balls or enough alcohol to approach you in the manner he did. There's a good chance this was purely harmless.
> 
> Oh, and fellas? This is an excellent way to get tased or hosed down with pepper spray. If you want to pull a cold approach, try to do it in a setting that hasn't been the basis for pretty much every episode of Criminal Minds, CSI, or America's Most Wanted ever filmed.... Just sayin'.


Stole my thunder.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Most people encounter someone daily that is attractive but don't go around in parking lots giving out compliments to those random people.

Partly for the safety reasons stated above.

Partly because they are not trolling for romance.

When I was single I had better luck in the grocery store produce department even if the view was great in the frozen food aisle. 

Seriously, I think compliments are great, just take a woman's safety into consideration and don't drive a beat up van, ok?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Rowan said:


> Also, OP, I really don't think most guys realize how creepy and alarming the situation you describe can be to a woman. Guys aren't typically afraid of women who approach them at random, because it's pretty rare that they really need to be. When was the last time some guy was snatched out of a parking lot by a woman who then raped/tortured/killed him? And yet, that sort of thing does happen to women. Not all the time, but with enough regularity that it's something that comes to mind as a possibility when a strange man approaches you in a dark, mostly empty, parking lot.
> 
> Your initial reaction was to be afraid for your personal safety. That you might feel that way probably - hopefully - didn't even register with the guy. He saw you, thought you were hot, and had either enough balls or enough alcohol to approach you in the manner he did. There's a good chance this was purely harmless.
> 
> Oh, and fellas? This is an excellent way to get tased or hosed down with pepper spray. If you want to pull a cold approach, try to do it in a setting that hasn't been the basis for pretty much every episode of Criminal Minds, CSI, or America's Most Wanted ever filmed.... Just sayin'.


I will take you up on this (not saying I disagree with everything you said).

Tell me, when exactly was the last time it happened? 

Also, you really come of as your typical American that watches WAY too much news and TV. 

You do realize that all our media does is inject fear and negativity into us.......right?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

DoF said:


> I will take you up on this (not saying I disagree with everything you said).
> *
> Tell me, when exactly was the last time it happened? *
> 
> ...


Per Google, it happened this week Monday:

Woman Raped Outside of Dillard’s on Hot Springs Mall Parking Lot | Hot Springs Daily - News, Events, and Lifestyle for Hot Springs, Ark.

And this is what women are taught, because it happens,:

Parking Lot Safety for Women FAQ



> Do NOT feel guilty for assuming someone might be dangerous and treating him coldly. *Get over it.* An innocent and decent man easily understands a woman's safety concerns in a vulnerable location. If you become the victim of crime, you'll wish you'd been impolite _before_ a threat escalated. See intuition and "Set Your Boundaries" at facing danger.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Take it for what it was - a nice compliment!

"This" guy doesn't sound too creepy from what you said in your story. Sounds innocent to me.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Years ago, and I mean like 30 because I was in college, I read a book titled something to the effect of “How to Meet and Marry the Woman of Your Dreams” which suggested things like what this fellow did as a means to overcome shyness and fear in approaching women.

You may simply have been this fellow’s first attempt at “breaking out of his shell”. I’d take it as a well-meaning compliment rather than something creepy. 

That said, he clearly has a way to go in working on his game – but you gotta’ start somewhere.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

SpinDaddy said:


> Years ago, and I mean like 30 because I was in college, I read a book titled something to the effect of “How to Meet and Marry the Woman of Your Dreams” which suggested things like what this fellow did as a means to overcome shyness and fear in approaching women.
> 
> You may simply have been this fellow’s first attempt at “breaking out of his shell”. I’d take it as a well-meaning compliment rather than something creepy.
> 
> That said, he clearly has a way to go in working on his game – but you gotta’ start somewhere.


You gotta start somewhere, but slowly cruising by in your car at sundown probably isn't your best choice. Like was stated earlier--a nice, populated well lit produce section or magazine aisle might be better.

The guy most likely had the best of intentions, but I wouldn't bet one of my daughters on it.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

DoF said:


> I will take you up on this (not saying I disagree with everything you said).
> 
> Tell me, when exactly was the last time it happened?
> 
> ...


Lol! I'm sorry if I come off as a 'typical American' though I'm not at sure there's really anything wrong with being one. And, no, I don't really watch all that much news or television. 

Actually, my awareness of the potential for not-great things happening to lone women in parking lots comes from knowing one of the 6 co-eds who were kidnapped, beaten, repeatedly raped, then dumped hours later into the same parking lot they'd been taken from, over a 4 month period during my final year at university. In a little college town with a population under 20K. 

I'm not particularly paranoid over such things. And, as I said in my first post, bad things don't happen 'all the time'. But the situation the OP described is perhaps not the best manner in which to approach ladies one does not wish to alarm. And I don't think that aspect of it is something that every guy is aware of. Hence my earlier post: He likely was harmless and well-meaning. It's still slightly creepy to many women to be approached this way.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Rowan said:


> Lol! I'm sorry if I come off as a 'typical American' though I'm not at sure there's really anything wrong with being one. And, no, I don't really watch all that much news or television.
> 
> Actually, my awareness of the potential for not-great things happening to lone women in parking lots comes from knowing one of the 6 co-eds who were kidnapped, beaten, repeatedly raped, then dumped hours later into the same parking lot they'd been taken from, over a 4 month period during my final year at university. In a little college town with a population under 20K.
> 
> I'm not particularly paranoid over such things. And, as I said in my first post, bad things don't happen 'all the time'. But the situation the OP described is perhaps not the best manner in which to approach ladies one does not wish to alarm. And I don't think that aspect of it is something that every guy is aware of. Hence my earlier post: He likely was harmless and well-meaning. It's still slightly creepy to many women to be approached this way.



Not disagreeing with any of that.

I will tell you that LOT of bad things happen to men as well. We get ran over, robbed, beaten, molested....abused......etc etc (same as women) but no one really gives a **** and it never gets reported.

I take that back, Mr. Bobbet got his **** cut of and entire nation was laughing at him. 

You see, men have 0 help or care. We are on our own, no one gives a ****.

PS. Yes, I'm jealous of women!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Rowan said:


> Oh, and fellas? This is an excellent way to get tased or hosed down with pepper spray. If you want to pull a cold approach, try to do it in a setting that hasn't been the basis for pretty much every episode of Criminal Minds, CSI, or America's Most Wanted ever filmed.... Just sayin'.


don't tase me bro


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

DoF said:


> Not disagreeing with any of that.
> 
> I will tell you that LOT of bad things happen to men as well. We get ran over, robbed, beaten, molested....abused......etc etc (same as women) but no one really gives a **** and it never gets reported.
> 
> ...


In all fairness, if some guy driving by tells me that I'm gorgeous, I'm going to be uneasy at best.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

what did the truck look like?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Really depends on the guy, the woman, and the situation. Personally that's not something I would say to a complete stranger because, as you said, to me it would come off as creepy. At least in that setting. If it was at a party, bar, club, social gathering, or it came up as you were getting to know someone that might be a different story. But a Walmart parking lot when it's getting dark??? Ya I imagine that would creep a lot of women out. Although I'm sure there are some who would be flattered or pay it no mind. I think they would be in the minority though.

Unfortunately you have men out there who do or say things they think are complimentary towards women and with the best of intentions but unknowingly come off as offensive or creepy without meaning to.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Rowan said:


> Also, OP, I really don't think most guys realize how creepy and alarming the situation you describe can be to a woman. Guys aren't typically afraid of women who approach them at random, because it's pretty rare that they really need to be. When was the last time some guy was snatched out of a parking lot by a woman who then raped/tortured/killed him? And yet, that sort of thing does happen to women. Not all the time, but with enough regularity that it's something that comes to mind as a possibility when a strange man approaches you in a dark, mostly empty, parking lot.
> 
> Your initial reaction was to be afraid for your personal safety. That you might feel that way probably - hopefully - didn't even register with the guy. He saw you, thought you were hot, and had either enough balls or enough alcohol to approach you in the manner he did. There's a good chance this was purely harmless.
> 
> Oh, and fellas? This is an excellent way to get tased or hosed down with pepper spray. If you want to pull a cold approach, try to do it in a setting that hasn't been the basis for pretty much every episode of Criminal Minds, CSI, or America's Most Wanted ever filmed.... Just sayin'.


This is why I feel like telling my son not to talk to women. Women have never been safer...and yet from shows like Rowan seems to feel are reality, they think every 20th man out there is a serial killer or rapist.

As far as that last paragraph...women, that is an excellent way to get jailed for assault. That is called blatant overreaction and I would encourage any male brethren treated that way to file charges. Feeling uneasy over a compliment is not grounds to hurt someone.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

norajane said:


> Per Google, it happened this week Monday:
> 
> Woman Raped Outside of Dillard’s on Hot Springs Mall Parking Lot | Hot Springs Daily - News, Events, and Lifestyle for Hot Springs, Ark.
> 
> ...


Out of 165,000,000 females. Just saying. Women seem intent on teaching men not to be nice to them, to approach them, or to have relationships with them that don't involve paperwork or absolute necessity created by work.

And I find that a little sad, really.

There are two ways women can treat such interactions:

They can assume that every man who has a pleasant word for them, or even is attempting to 'pick them up' has a 'Kill Room' somewhere.

Or they can figure that the odds actually favor them surviving an encounter with a random male in a public well lit place...and it doesn't get much more public than a Wal Mart parking lot.

But I would certainly teach my women to trust their 'gut'.

OP, what did your 'gut' say?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

JCD said:


> Out of 165,000,000 females. Just saying. Women seem intent on teaching men not to be nice to them, to approach them, or to have relationships with them that don't involve paperwork or absolute necessity created by work.
> 
> And I find that a little sad, really.
> 
> ...



I agree, can't always assume the worst. 

doesn't really matter what her gut said, as the guy drove away....she probably didnt' have a chance to even get that feeling.

I'm sure she would if he stopped, and I assume it wouldn't be a good feeling.

I like how Louis CK describes it all......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJsSMT0GEiY


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

JCD said:


> Or they can figure that the odds actually favor them surviving an encounter with a random male in a public well lit place...and it doesn't get much more public than a Wal Mart parking lot.


WalMart parking lots may be public, but they are not known to be safe:

Walmart Shootings: List of 2013 Walmart Shooting Incidents

Bustle

Orangevale man arrested over rape, kidnap from Walmart parking lot - Crime - Sacto 911 - The Sacramento Bee


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

JCD said:


> Out of 165,000,000 females. Just saying. Women seem intent on teaching men not to be nice to them, to approach them, or to have relationships with them that don't involve paperwork or absolute necessity created by work.
> 
> And I find that a little sad, really.
> 
> ...


This was the OP's reaction:



Adeline said:


> *Honestly, my first reaction was fear*. It was starting to get dark, I was alone, and the area i live in has frequent break ins and the occasional purse snatchings at gun point... i rushed to my car as fast as i could thinking maybe he was coming to attack me or follow me home. But alas, i lived!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

It's not living in fear to be on the lookout for a potentially dangerous situation. It's just smart.

OP didn't go running for the hills, or grabbing for her mace, she kept her cool and handled it appropriately, however she did recognize it as a POTENTIALLY dangerous situation. I'd hope my wife or daughters would recognize it as the same thing and not put blind faith in the good intentions of a perfect stranger alone on the side of a street.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> It's not living in fear to be on the lookout for a potentially dangerous situation. It's just smart.
> 
> OP didn't go running for the hills, or grabbing for her mace, she kept her cool and handled it appropriately, however she did recognize it as a POTENTIALLY dangerous situation. I'd hope my wife or daughters would recognize it as the same thing and not put blind faith in the good intentions of a perfect stranger alone on the side of a street.


The good intentions of a man in a vehicle who never stepped out...in the middle of a public parking lot. 

A man had the temerity to SPEAK to her in a complimentary way!

The cheek! The Nerve! Why...it might be so horrible that he might have offered to buy her a cup of coffee!

Will this madness not end?!?

Let's be clear. A man...stopped his car for a second, said something nice (i.e. put out a feeler, let's call a spade a spade) and when she didn't instantly rip her blouse open, offering him all sorts of earthly delights (or the mannish abbreviated version 'Hello'), he drove away. In fact, from the sound of it, she didn't even have time to set her bags down to rip her blouse open.

A man *spoke* to her. And at least one female seems to feel this is sufficient grounds to pepper spray him...and even worse, she has the most popular post!

Really?!? Think about that again. A man spoke to her and it's almost grounds for assault? Ladies, if you 'liked' that post, you at least tacitly agree.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

always_alone said:


> WalMart parking lots may be public, but they are not known to be safe:


Forget about safe, it's not the type of parking lot I would want to be in, especially as a woman. OR a place where you want to meet someone.

Have you ever walked in a Walmart and tried counting # of even remotely "decent" looking people? 

Ratio is EXTREMELY low.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> You gotta start somewhere, but slowly cruising by in your car at sundown probably isn't your best choice. Like was stated earlier--a nice, populated well lit produce section or magazine aisle might be better.
> 
> The guy most likely had the best of intentions, but I wouldn't bet one of my daughters on it.


*Fozzy,*

I agree completely. It’s an interesting set of facts and not something I’d not bet my daughter on nor encourage my son to do. 

OTOH, and I’m just basing this on our local Wal-Mart somewhere in the Great State of Texas, the OP may have been the only woman in the parking lot with a full set of teeth and no muffin’ top hanging over her way too tight yoga pants. 

The fellow could legitimately have been in a state of shock and awe.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

SpinDaddy said:


> *Fozzy,*
> 
> I agree completely. It’s an interesting set of facts and not something I’d not bet my daughter on nor encourage my son to do.
> 
> ...


:rofl:


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

DoF said:


> Just because you are married and committed, doesn't mean that your natural human instincts are not in place.


I absolutely agree, it's ludicrous to think otherwise, but I also feel safe in saying, it is a fact that there are numerous people on here that would view a married man, giving a random compliment to a pretty woman, as 100% inappropriate. Heck, I've read posts that virtually declare outright that a married person should not have anything remotely resembling a frienship with a person of the opposite sex.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Rowan said:


> Oh, and fellas? This is an excellent way to get tased or hosed down with pepper spray. If you want to pull a cold approach, try to do it in a setting that hasn't been the basis for pretty much every episode of Criminal Minds, CSI, or America's Most Wanted ever filmed.... Just sayin'.


:lol:

That would be my luck. The one time in life I got the courage to tell a complete stranger I thought she was attractive...


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It does bring to mind the one time I did approach a stranger (normally I'm extremely shy) I thought was attractive. It was reading week at university and I joined a school trip away to a ski resort. Pretty much everyone at the resort that week was a student from some univeristy. 

I spotted an attractive woman who I assumed was a student sitting by herself and actually built up the nerve to go over and chat with her. About ten minutes into the conversation a guy sat down next to us and she introduced me to her husband. I think I just slid down under that table, crawled away and spent the rest of the day skiing on the far side of the mountain.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

changedbeliefs said:


> I absolutely agree, it's ludicrous to think otherwise, but I also feel safe in saying, it is a fact that there are numerous people on here that would view a married man, giving a random compliment to a pretty woman, as 100% inappropriate. Heck, I've read posts that virtually declare outright that a married person should not have anything remotely resembling a frienship with a person of the opposite sex.


I would be the first one to tell you this/above. I don't believe in it.

And even a complement like that is inappropriate as well.

Happens to me, my mind wonders > tells me I should just tell her....I catch myself> change thoughts........solved.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

JCD said:


> Out of 165,000,000 females. Just saying. Women seem intent on teaching men not to be nice to them, to approach them, or to have relationships with them that don't involve paperwork or absolute necessity created by work.


Don't limit yourself. 

There's about 3,335,000,000 other women in the world. A lot of them don't subscribe to western ideology and would take a complement for what it is.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

It's really sad to read these comments.

For crying out loud he was being nice. I think if you are so insecure or scared of your own death maybe instead of trying to judge the world you should come to terms with your mortality. Accept the inevitable. 

Maybe you should move to Canada or come here on a vacation. Everyone is nice like that all the time and we don't have gun problems. This type of behavior is totally common over here. 

Not intending this to be racist but I am so thankful I don't live down there. Only hear of bad things...


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

pragmaster said:


> Maybe you should move to Canada or come here on a vacation. Everyone is nice like that all the time and we don't have gun problems. This type of behavior is totally common over here.
> 
> Not intending this to be racist but I am so thankful I don't live down there. Only hear of bad things...


Yeah cause you know, in the U.S., we're all one race.

Meanwhile around Toronto

-Man killed in Brampton on Wednesday wanted for probation breach in B.C.

-Flight grounded at Pearson, man arrested for talking ‘about bombs,’ captain says 

-Ontario child pornography and abuse probe leads to 60 arrests 

-Vaughan shooting leaves one dead, one in hospital 

-Grieving family pleads for body of ‘generous and kind’ son stabbed at North Albion 

-Lockdown lifted at Brampton Centennial Secondary after alleged gun threat; two youths arrested 

-Man arrested in his mother’s stabbing 

-Three males check themselves into hospital with stab wounds 

-Man arrested in attempted car arson


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

Sunburn said:


> what did the truck look like?


why, think you know the guy? lol

To everyone else, I didn't really think that the element of safety would be the main focus in the responses. Interesting! I honestly thought that that was just me being my paranoid self and only threw it in there as part of the anecdote. I mean, I know that I should be aware in such situations and it was starting to get dark, but almost thought it was silly of me to feel fearful. But really, after all was well I was more left with wondering whether I should feel flattered or if it was just his mission to tell a stranger that day they looked gorgeous and it really wasn't personal, rather than wondering if I had cheated death.

It didn't even happen all that long ago and I'm already not sure about some elements of it... like i'm 90% sure he drove up from behind me, which makes it even more peculiar. Surely he wasn't judging me from behind... had he seen me coming out of the store? Was he maybe IN the store the same time as me? Or he saw long hair and knew it was a female and so he wanted to do his good deed for the day and say the compliment no matter what I looked like as he drove by. Or maybe he did drive coming at me from the front and my memory sucks.

Didn't even really get a good look at him, but I do know he was wearing a hat and was 20s or 30s with a southern accent and was alone in the truck. Didn't even really have enough time to assess if he was attractive or not. Not only was it getting dark, but I also didn't look at him for very long but did say "thanks" and I feel like he drove off immediately away, but maybe since I didn't start giggling like a school girl and approach his truck he felt rejected and didn't pursue further? Who knows!


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> It's not living in fear to be on the lookout for a potentially dangerous situation. It's just smart.
> 
> OP didn't go running for the hills, or grabbing for her mace, she kept her cool and handled it appropriately, however she did recognize it as a POTENTIALLY dangerous situation. I'd hope my wife or daughters would recognize it as the same thing and not put blind faith in the good intentions of a perfect stranger alone on the side of a street.



Oh come on! *How was this a "potentially dangerous situation"??* 
Or at least, how was it any more dangerous than being in any parking lot on any given day? There is nothing dangerous about a man simply giving a compliment. If he was going to kidnap her, he certainly wouldn't alert her beforehand. Or he if he did talk to her, it would have been to lure her into his truck or a secluded place somewhere. 

I have two teenage daughters myself, and I hope I have taught them a few things, like 1. Don't panic when strangers talk to you, 2. how to summon help if needed, and how to kick ass if needed.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Adeline said:


> why, think you know the guy? lol
> 
> To everyone else, I didn't really think that the element of safety would be the main focus in the responses. Interesting! I honestly thought that that was just me being my paranoid self and only threw it in there as part of the anecdote.


Some of us were very surprised you would panic over a simple compliment.

The man didn't threaten you. He didn't try to run you down. He didn't brandish a weapon. He didn't (I assume) speak with an angry or threatening voice. Moreover, you were in a very public place with plenty of people around. Seriously, it seems the ONLY threatening factor here was that he was *gasp* - a man!!

*If a woman paid you the same compliment, would you have felt threatened?*

I think this is a matter of pure prejudice, plain and simple. 

Now, getting off my high horse - I'll answer your question, why did he do it?

I have, on rare occasions, done something similar to what this man did, so maybe I can help you understand. I guess my reasoning was this way - If I gave the woman a business card or my number, it would look like a cheap attempt to pick someone up. Plus, I didn't know if she was married, lesbian, or what. And I didn't want to start a conversation on the spot, because I really didn't have an opening, plus she might be in a hurry or something. So instead, I paid her a compliment that got her attention, because I wanted her to remember me. I figured that later I might see her again at that same store, and at that time, I might have an easier time breaking into conversation because now we have a "history". 

On a simpler note, I've also complimented women simply because I was in a good mood and I thought they were gorgeous. 

Since I maintain a pretty conservative, clean cut appearance, it wouldn't have occurred to me that anyone would be threatened by such a compliment, nor did I ever notice fear in anyone I spoke to.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Adeline said:


> I was dressed normally in jeans and a tshirt, no makeup. I know I'm cute, but seriously, i am by no means a "stop your car and feel compelled to express adoration" type of attractive.


You don't get to determine what a man finds attractive. You didn't feel like you were that "type of attractive" at that moment, but your feelings about yourself are irrelevant. That man obviously disagrees and took the time to stop you and offer compliment. 



Adeline said:


> I mean, if he was truly trying to hit on me wouldn't he have tried to ask for my number, and not just drive away? He was already bold enough to say anything at all to me. After the fear subsided, I didn't know whether to feel flattered or like a charity case... lol. Every friend i have told the story to has reacted by saying "creepy." So, guys, tell me... what do you think was the point of this guy's compliment and odd delivery??


I often find myself wanting to say to a woman who catches my eye "I'm not trying to pick you up, but I just wanted to say that I think you're gorgeous/beautiful". It's no different than admiring and commenting on a beautiful piece of artwork or a particularly stunning vista. I find the fact that your friends find a simple compliment "creepy" to say more about their standards and sad outlook than the guy who stopped you.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Theseus said:


> Oh come on! *How was this a "potentially dangerous situation"??*
> Or at least, how was it any more dangerous than being in any parking lot on any given day? There is nothing dangerous about a man simply giving a compliment. If he was going to kidnap her, he certainly wouldn't alert her beforehand. Or he if he did talk to her, it would have been to lure her into his truck or a secluded place somewhere.
> 
> I have two teenage daughters myself, and I hope I have taught them a few things, like 1. Don't panic when strangers talk to you, 2. how to summon help if needed, and how to kick ass if needed.


Maybe it's different based on where I live. Around this area, when someone approaches a stranger they're generally crazy, panhandling, or both.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I have stopped worrying about how a woman receives a compliment. I will say 'you look good/you did a good job on your eye makeup/your hair looks nice (whatever) and then leave her the hell alone and get on with my day. 

It is not my responsibility how they react to something like that. If they want to run toward their car, screaming, it says more about them than about me. Likewise if they cause a scene or assault me. (that will involve charges)

Honestly, OP, he was saying something nice to get you to notice him. See if you would give him a response. It was the potential opening for a further conversation and relationship. BUT if you weren't interested (which you clearly weren't), he was secure enough in himself to drive off with no skin off his nose.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Maybe it's different based on where I live. Around this area, when someone approaches a stranger they're generally crazy, panhandling, or both.


So one only dates relatives where you live? How does anyone do anything if they never talk to someone they don't know?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

We cold-call out of the phonebook. It's every bit as effective as driving up to strangers and saying "Gosh yer purty!"


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

Theseus said:


> Some of us were very surprised you would panic over a simple compliment.
> 
> The man didn't threaten you. He didn't try to run you down. He didn't brandish a weapon. He didn't (I assume) speak with an angry or threatening voice. Moreover, you were in a very public place with plenty of people around. Seriously, it seems the ONLY threatening factor here was that he was *gasp* - a man!!
> 
> ...


yeah, if a woman drove up next me in a parking lot and told me I was gorgeous and drove away I'd definitely think the same thing! I'm not prejudice when it comes to not trusting strangers lol. Male or female, I'm not going to just trust you. To be clear, I didn't immediately run away from him as soon as he approached. In fact I never ran. I was calm, told him thanks, surprised he drove away, and then I simply just rushed to my car as in not strolling around slowly or checking my phone. Part of that is the area I live in. And yeah, as a short, petite woman I do oftentimes feel vulnerable. The parking lot was not packed either, it was early evening and while there were many cars in the lot still, the people walking to and from their cars was very sparse. 

But honestly, I agree he meant no harm. I really was just left with wondering about if he really felt compelled about my looks or if he was dishing out compliments to random women all day.



JCD said:


> I have stopped worrying about how a woman receives a compliment. *I will say 'you look good/you did a good job on your eye makeup/your hair looks nice (whatever) and then leave her the hell alone and get on with my day. *
> 
> It is not my responsibility how they react to something like that. If they want to run toward their car, screaming, it says more about them than about me. Likewise if they cause a scene or assault me. (that will involve charges)
> 
> Honestly, OP, he was saying something nice to get you to notice him. See if you would give him a response. It was the potential opening for a further conversation and relationship. BUT if you weren't interested (which you clearly weren't), he was secure enough in himself to drive off with no skin off his nose.


to the bolded, really?? I guess I've just never encountered that. Not gonna lie, it would be nice if more dudes did that, maybe then it wouldn't seem so odd to me! Unsolicited compliments without expecting anything in return I guess I just don't see often, especially from a male to a female. Because that's what drove my thinking... surely if he commented on my looks he wanted something more. Not necessarily sex, but to ask me out or something. And then when he didn't i was wondering what the point was, and immediately the option of "impersonal random act of kindness" was put on the table. 

Maybe also it was the wording... if he had yelled out "you're hot!" as he drove away i probably would have just rolled my eyes and thought it was a boy being stupid and not wondered about the motivation. But the fact that he slowed down and more or less looked me in the eye and used the word "gorgeous" made me think he would have followed with "wanna go get a drink?" or something.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

This thread is nothing more than the OP extending the moment.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

Sunburn said:


> This thread is nothing more than the OP extending the moment.


well, yeah. Isn't that the point of recalling anything for analysis? What are you getting at? This thread is pretty straightforward.


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## star2916 (May 21, 2013)

I get that kind of thing happening to me at least three times a year, not in Walmart, but different places. 
I normally smile and thank you the guy. In addition, I tell him , " my husband would probably be flattered as well" . Thank you. 
Even so I am not married


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> We cold-call out of the phonebook. It's every bit as effective as driving up to strangers and saying "Gosh yer purty!"


Hey, don't knock it. Telemarketers wouldn't do it if they didn't get a return on investment.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I once had this woman come up to me and tell me I was very handsome. After discreetly checking her breath for alcohol, I was stuck in the situation which was potentially awkward to say the least.

And from a female perspective, the situation probably seems more...fraught with potential.

There are only two 'wins' for a woman here. She walks away, head buoyed up by a compliment by not treating it too seriously.

Or she sees someone she might like to have a relationship.

Everything else is a definite loser for her from a socially awkward moment to something statistically very unlikely but catastrophic. Generally I reserve compliments to co workers though I am not amiss to the occasional soft compliment to a stranger.

One fix Adeline: have you considered moving to a nicer neighborhood? But honestly, just because an area is poor doesn't mean an area is evil. But you know the local best.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Adeline said:


> well, yeah. Isn't that the point of recalling anything for analysis? What are you getting at? This thread is pretty straightforward.


I think the poster is implying that it's more an extended humble brag and bid for attention from men.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Toronto Sucks.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

It's lovely to get a nice compliment. Since he didn't follow-up with anything, I'd just enjoy it and continue on. You'll never know the reason behind it, so take it at face value IMO. 
. 

For the record, though, I think the safety should be a strong consideration. Crime can happen anywhere, and it also tends to congregate in "hot spots". Per the first post, the OP lived in an area with crime: "the area i live in has frequent break ins and the occasional purse snatchings at gun point..." so she had every reason to be suspicious of a truck pulling up behind her and a stranger calling out to her, as it got dark.

Men and women need to be alert IMO. I lived in a city with horrible crime for 8 years. In that time, just in my small circle, several horrible crimes occurred to people I knew in parking lots:

A colleague's grandson was killed in an up-scale shopping mall parking lot (I can't remember exactly how, but it was so tragic, he was 14, no record, no known issues); 
About two years later, another colleague's husband was shot and killed in the same upscale mall parking lot during a robbery (dean of a private school, such a lovely man, his wife is 100% certain that he wouldn't have fought the young robbers, they just shot him; horrible);
One of my friends was robbed in the middle of a very busy parking lot at noon, as she was putting her baby in the car. Someone clubbed her in the back while she was bent over getting the baby in the safety seat, reached into the car and snatched my friend's purse.

The murderers were quickly caught in both cases, thankfully. That was perhaps the only silver lining of being killed in a parking lot: there were cameras and witnesses. 

Unfortunately for my friend, she never got her purse and that person was never found. 

I live in the sticks now, so I don't stress very much about crime. But back then, living in one of the most violent in the US, it was a different story. 

It's nothing to do with TV; it's reality in many places. I think the OP was well within reason to be a little nervous.

Be aware, people!


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Theseus said:


> Oh come on! *How was this a "potentially dangerous situation"??*


Any time someone comes up from you from behind, you should alert IMO. This is just safety 101. For one thing, be alert so you don't inadvertently step into the pathway and get run over.




> Or at least, how was it any more dangerous than being in any parking lot on any given day?


This was just any given day. Crime happens every day. There aren't special "Crime Days!" People's lives changes in a split-second every day.



> There is nothing dangerous about a man simply giving a compliment.


Agreed.



> If he was going to kidnap her, he certainly wouldn't alert her beforehand. Or he if he did talk to her, it would have been to lure her into his truck or a secluded place somewhere.


Well, if he was going to kidnap her, the first thing he'd do is get close to her, which he did in his truck. Then he'd talk to her, which he did. How would he lure someone if he wasn't talking?

The thing is, you don't know if the person is going to be normal or crazy. You don't know if you are going to get a smile or a gun in your face saying "Don't scream- just get into the car."

I think the OP was appropriate. She didn't run; she didn't panic, she just went with it.

Here in rural PA, I'd suspect someone pulling up behind me either knows me or is asking for directions. In the high-crime city, I'd have my ears and eyes open and be on high-alert. 

The OP is in an area with crime. She had every reason IMO to be aware and a little nervous. She was smart. 



> I have two teenage daughters myself, and I hope I have taught them a few things, like 1. Don't panic when strangers talk to you, 2. how to summon help if needed, and how to kick ass if needed.


#1 and 2 are great- I'd add a 1.a for "be aware of your surroundings." Kick ass is fabulous, but prevention, wherever possible, is the best route IMO.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

So, next time a woman waves at me in a parking lot or anywhere, and I don't know her, I better ignore her. I better not recognize someone's politeness either. She might think I'm trying to get her into my car. Sheesh...How in the world do women have so many partners today? They let themselves be picked up in a bar or other place where alcohol and likely drugs flow freely. Tell a woman she is gorgeous in your eyes and she thinks your a creeper. What if he saw her and told her, "eh, you're okay, I guess". Would you take offense and verbally attack some strange man? I bet many would. What in the world is wrong with us today?


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## Relationship (Sep 29, 2014)

It sounds like it was a harmless comment. Also it may be that you do not give your looks enough credit. Remember, looks are subjective, to him you may very well be drop dead gorgeous. I would accept the compliment as what it seems like and enjoy it.


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## marriedandlonely (Nov 7, 2011)

Adeline said:


> I'm curious from a male's point of view what the possible motive in something that happened to me was... not really a huge event, but kind of odd. I don't really get hit on a lot as I don't really hang out in places where people are typically at to meet members of the opposite sex (bars, clubs, parties what have you).
> 
> The other week I was leaving Walmart and walking back to my car in the parking lot. A truck pulled up beside me as I'm walking and a dude leaned over said "I just wanted to say you're gorgeous." Literally those were the words. I am caught completely off guard and I'm sure my face was scrunched up in confusion as I said thanks... and then he drove away. Honestly, my first reaction was fear. It was starting to get dark, I was alone, and the area i live in has frequent break ins and the occasional purse snatchings at gun point... i rushed to my car as fast as i could thinking maybe he was coming to attack me or follow me home. But alas, i lived! :rofl: And now i just wonder... what was the deal? I was dressed normally in jeans and a tshirt, no makeup. I know I'm cute, but seriously, i am by no means a "stop your car and feel compelled to express adoration" type of attractive. Was he just a good guy who wanted to give a random act of kindness and pick the first woman he saw and tell them they're beautiful to make their day? I mean, if he was truly trying to hit on me wouldn't he have tried to ask for my number, and not just drive away? He was already bold enough to say anything at all to me. After the fear subsided, I didn't know whether to feel flattered or like a charity case... lol. Every friend i have told the story to has reacted by saying "creepy." So, guys, tell me... what do you think was the point of this guy's compliment and odd delivery??


Good question as a man I see a lot of women that I would like to compliment on their looks but don't because of getting the same reaction (is he trying to hit on me)
I have tried it in the past but gave it away because of the strange looks I'd recieve , but believe me nothing picks up your day like the appearance of a stylish good looking woman
I'd guess that he was a decent man who wanted to make your day


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