# Dominance... is it fair?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This morning I was rather forceful with my wife, was just horny, morning wood and all. She enjoyed it quite a lot but brought up how it's going to be her 'turn' soon but I got a little threatened by it. In the past her idea of being forceful involves cuffs/restraints and sexual torture, and her outstanding fantasy remains at the back of her mind to ram me up my ass with a strap-on. Which is a NONO!!

She lets me throw her around, restrain her, pin her against the wall, etc etc, but I've never hurt her and she likes it. But yet she reckons it's not fair that she can't have her fun with me in return, what you think?

Bear in mind however, that her 'rough sex' involves torture, such as tying a leather strap around the willy and then proceeding to tease me endlessly until it feels like I'm about to explode. It hurts like hell actually... and that's what she wants to do.

I can stop being rough with her but then she'll complain about my performance as she's become quite accustomed and expectant of ME being rough with her. So I'm kinda stuck... :scratchhead:


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

I think she wants you to say hell no. She's testing you. I don't think truly dominant women flip between being a sub and a dom. Isn't it usually one or the other?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

No its not... some women enjoy both roles.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

You can tell her what your comfortable with and what your not comfortable with... I'm sure she won't mind compromising when playing the dom role.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

If she's enjoying your version of dominance, and her version of dominance is physically painful and you don't like it, then it's not the same ballpark. If she cares about you she shouldn't want to do things that are truly painful or uncomfortable to you.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

People that can play both roles are called 'switches' Random dude can you be a 'switch'? if you can't then I suggest you significantly increase your dominance (sexually) so she understands that she's barking up the wrong tree. Whether she realizes it now or not, I think she'll respond well to that.


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

I would just be honest with her. Tell her you aren't down for torture. It's just not your thing. If she insists that it's her fantasy and it's not fair, remind her that it *hurts*. Some people enjoy being hurt, others don't. 

I'm into the idea of tying up and being tied, being rough and being manhandled, but I draw the line when it involves torture of any sort. It doesn't turn me on and is quite scary, honestly LOL. But if my husband let's me indulge in my fantasy of tying him up, it doesn't mean I am going to ever indulge his fantasy of a threesome. There's some lines you just aren't comfortable crossing and she needs to know that. If she decides she doesn't want you to rough her up, well, that's her prerogative..... but just because it's something you like (that she likes as well) doesn't mean she has a free pass to cross your boundaries......


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

RD - knowing your history... All is fair. I think you like it that way, too! 

Have things still be good for you guys these last few months?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Interesting, so maybe a part of it could be just a test to see how far I would go? Test of dominance too? Stepping up game? Hmmm... it's actually quite possible. Don't know if I should call her on it though, what you reckon?

Yes I also have my fantasies too, groupies actually... and she tends to get p-ssed when I mention those, likes to stick with her rule that she's not going to be a '****' that I pass around (her words). Darn it why didn't I think of that when I was discussing it with her this morning >.<



> RD - knowing your history... All is fair. I think you like it that way, too!
> Have things still be good for you guys these last few months?


I enjoy her crazy psycho side
But not when it threatens the health of my willy!

Things are mostly fine though yes, still sorting out crap but that's life


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

She would never hurt your willy... She loves it too much! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

But she DID once! And I've been paranoid ever since lol


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I'm sure it was accidental... She needs your "goldmember"!!! LoL!!

Is it still daily, RD? And is she still here or no? Glad to see you around more often! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MikelHochst (Aug 28, 2012)

I don't think truly dominant women flip between being a sub and a dom.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Accidently? Yeah 'apparently', guess the trashing and screaming and cursing and utter humiliation wasn't enough of a clue for her... heh

Yes it's still daily, and thankfully no, she's not here anymore and I made her understand why. This is my shed and it's where I rewire my marital brain so she'd better keep her distance.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

It was good for you, RD. Catalyst for the better, right?

No, if you feel threatened don't put yourself in that situation. You know better, but make sure it's safe! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

What? NOOOO! The willy-strappie thing was not a good thing at all!!!

But yeah, think I'm going to bring up having threesomes again later just to get her back for scaring the bejebus outta me this morning by bringing up her fantasies. Heh


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

He didn't say she was truly dom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Don't do that random. Just tell her what your comfortable with and what your not comfortable with. If she does love you... she will respect that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She likes to play with fire (guess that's one of the reasons why she's with me in the first place maybe), pushing boundaries. For example, after that rather traumatic experience, she disregarded my rule that cuffs and restraints was banned, and continued to try to cuff me. It backfired on her once, which was quite fun, but I was still p-ssed off.

Granted, she hasn't pulled the willy-strappie stunt on me since, but she hasn't succeeded in restraining me since either... I trust her alot with other stuff, just not this! She gets carried away with sex, loses it at times.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Wow.... ok.... didn't know that! Yeah... flat out refuse then?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well that's what I do, but now she reckons it's not fair! lol


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Gaia... You should read some of RD's older posts... They're a trip.

RD... Don't play "payback" just assert your authority and say no. You know how she is better than anyone! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The word "no" in her dictionary translates as an "itch she has to scratch" Heh

I'll deal with her later tonight after work methinks, give her time to lose this scary mood of hers


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Who would you prefer wear her cuffs? If my wife wanted to get freaky, I'd rather her be freaky with me than with someone else. You've probably got health insurance. What's the problem?


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Who would you prefer wear her cuffs? If my wife wanted to get freaky, I'd rather her be freaky with me than with someone else. You've probably got health insurance. What's the problem?


Great point. I started to panic the last time someone started to torture me, then I remembered, "Hey! I have health insurance!"


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Who would you prefer wear her cuffs? If my wife wanted to get freaky, I'd rather her be freaky with me than with someone else. You've probably got health insurance. What's the problem?


She's already demonstrated she can't control herself and has hurt him already. What if it causes permanent damage this time?


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Yeah.... A safe word is only safe if the person tying you up has restraint. If you know something is probably going to go bad, it's not really smart to get in that position...


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

sex should not invove pain unless the person receiving the pain is into pain.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I've got great health insurance and over 30 weeks of medical leave saved up. I'm unlikely to shock anyone at the Emergency Room if I come in with some freaky sex injury. You can't live after you're dead, so you might as well do your living now. Nobody gets a prize for living the longest. Given the choice between dying old and alone in a nursing home, playing with my own feces or going out having sex, the choice aint that hard.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

If you get of on receiving pain then more power to you. Go enjoy it.

For people that don't get off on pain, it's simply not going to happen.


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