# His x on FB.



## sweetheartfor1 (Jun 17, 2011)

It looks like this is starting to be a very common thing, but I really thought it wouldn't happen to me & I'm devastated, feel sick to my stomach. My husbands FB & email account were open yesterday, so I decided to do a quick peek through. There was one conversation with one of his x's from High school, started out innocently enough but got rather raunchy & descriptive. the back & forth goes on for a while , on only one day. I know he used to talk to her before we got married, & I found & called him out on it then, & he stopped all communication with all of his ex's before we got married. I did likewise. So I asked him today if everything is ok with him, & was he having second doubts about us, and he said everything is great, he loves me so much...no doubts in his mind. I'm so angry! I haven't told him that I know yet, but I took some screen shots just encase I do confront him & he denies it. What should I do? Just try to let it go & wait & see if it keeps happening or if they actually do meet up, or should I confront him? I really don't want to head towards divorce, but if he actually did physically cheat I might reconsider...been married 3 years now, & pretty even keel till now. Sorry for the rant!


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Yes, you need to confront him. I recently read through one man's story of overcoming an affair that his wife had. I think he approached his wife in a positive manner. You might find it helpful to do something similar http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/8698-how-we-overcame-adultery-2.html. It is the post from Bestblu1 on 10/28/2009 from 10:04 AM.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

I wrote a blog post a few months back that might be heplful to consider. Improve My Marriage: Facebook and Boundaries.
Also, I woul not say that divorce is immenent. Couples can heal from things like this. I have witnessed it firsthand.


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## sweetheartfor1 (Jun 17, 2011)

I'm just saying maybe divorce is down the road, but I would hate for that to happen. I will stick it out till the end. Thanks for the links I'll check them out. One thing I know he will go off on is that I should not have been looking at his messages. Did I violate his rights as a person by looking at his emails? They were open... I guess one of my fears about confrontation is that he will say if you go looking for trouble your sure to find it ( he said that befor) like that dismisses what I found, because I had no right to his emails or something.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

There are no secrets in marriage. How you came to find out is besides the point. The fact that he is doing it is the issue. Don't let him pull that blame shift on you! That's the most common response I've seen, and experienced. His blame shifting will get pretty convincing. Just be strong willed and don't buy into it. Ever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

How can you violate the rights of your husband by reading his mail, your married. Park that question, I don't know of anyone who has successfully taken this to court, imagine your husband having to admit and show the content of his explicate mails.

Make copies of the mails, go to her friends list and enter each page , copy the link and record this with the name in word in a secure location, not on the same PC. Secure your mail accounts with new passwords and move some money's to an account in your name only. Once this is done confront him, show him some of the more explicit mails.

Ignor any threats or talk of invasion of privacy, offer him some coffee. Give him the ultimatum to stop the affair and with immediate effect go no contact. He sends a no contact note that you approve to the OW, a sample can be found on the affaircare.com site under articles.

He is not likely to stop or cease contact; the plan is then to expose the affair on her side and make it very uncomfortable to continue contact with your hubby. Post if it gets to this stage.

For today complete the tasks above and when ready confront him, be firm, confident and do not be a doormat or allow him to change your mind or cause doubt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sweetheartfor1 (Jun 17, 2011)

Ok I guess i will confront him . I am wearing an ulcer into my stomach anyway. It's such bad timing right now, cus our daughters 2nd b.day is next week, & my stepson is visiting for the month.... witch always turns everyone up side down. I definitly kept the screenshots of the emails, and will be hiding them good in case he really tries to deny it.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Be very prepared to take the OW down , no decent person is going to support their adultery. Don't make the mistake of assuming he will stop, I am going to guess he is going to blame shift , gaslight you and try intimidate you, plus all the other we are just friends bu£(&t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

There is never a good time to confront your spouse about an issue like this. When talking, I wouldn't ask for an explanation as to his behavior because you will never really understand "why" he was talking to his ex. I would put forth the evidence and ask him what this means for your relationship. Let him know that you would like to work trough and still stay married. Invite him to marriage counseling with you.


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