# Am I in the wrong here???



## earthbounder64 (Aug 5, 2015)

I'll try to condense everything as best I can so this post isn't too long...

Back in 2012, my wife had a friend that came over while I was at work all the time. I warned her against this, but she didn't listen. Long story short here, he ended up raping her.
In the months following the rape, she acted out by sleeping with 2 other men, one only one time, the other many times over the course of a few months(we'll call him 'X').

I found out about this, and we went to counseling to try and work through it all.
For the most part, I do trust her, but I still have problems at times.
She keeps wanting to chat with the man she slept with many times as well as the 1 night stand.
I've told her many times that, while not happy about it, I won't complain too much about her talking to the 1 night stand guy, but I'd prefer her to NOT talk to X.

Over the past few years, she'll end up chatting with X and I find out either by her telling me, or I randomly snoop and find chat logs.
EVERY time this comes to light, it causes my mistrust to skyrocket and we hve problems for weeks on end between each other.
Frequently, these times I know about will be either discussing our relationship or even some moderate flirting. She even talked with him about how she KNEW the affair with X would eventually happen as they almost got together while she was married to her former husband(whom was abusive and I rescued her from, BTW).

She's seeing some online counselor(can't afford to goto an in-person one right now), and he has told her to change all her passwords and such so I cannot snoop into her chats anymore.
For awhile, I have accepted this and was actually doing better on my end.

About a week ago, she lets me know she's talking to X again. I have no idea for how long.
Just yesterday(8/3/15), she was in the other room when an alarm on her phone went off. I went ahead and turned it off for her, and for some reason it completely unlocked her phone. Curiosity got the better of me and I tried to look at her conversations with X.
In what little I did get to read, she was chatting with X about our relationship problems and basically belittling me in the process.
She comes in and sees me on her phone and immediately takes it back.
I explained what had happened to give me access to her phone, and asked her nicely if I could read the rest of the conversation so as to avoid me taking stuff out of context.
She tells me she wants to ask her counselor if it'd be alright and that he had already scolded her for talking about our relationship stuff to ANYONE else.

Her counselor tells her(just posting the relevant bit as he goes on about trial separation and such after this) "Tell him he needs to drop it. It isn't going to do either of you any good. It just feeds his desire not to trust you and invades your individual privacy." 
First of all, the ONLY times in the past year or so I've had trust issues with her is when X comes into the picture.
Secondly, it feels to me that NOT showing me the entire onversation history feeds my mistrust in her more than reading it would. By not letting me read it, it makes it feel like there's something she's hiding. Things that she KNOWS would upset me even more than I already am.

Am I in the wrong here?
Even if they weren't chatting about relationship stuff and/or flirting, I feel like she just completely disregards my feelings on the matterI'll try to condense everything as best I can so this post isn't too long...

Back in 2012, my wife had a friend that came over while I was at work all the time. I warned her against this, but she didn't listen. Long story short here, he ended up raping her.
In the months following the rape, she acted out by sleeping with 2 other men, one only one time, the other many times over the course of a few months(we'll call him 'X').

I found out about this, and we went to counseling to try and work through it all.
For the most part, I do trust her, but I still have problems at times.
She keeps wanting to chat with the man she slept with many times as well as the 1 night stand.
I've told her many times that, while not happy about it, I won't complain too much about her talking to the 1 night stand guy, but I'd prefer her to NOT talk to X.

Over the past few years, she'll end up chatting with X and I find out either by her telling me, or I randomly snoop and find chat logs.
EVERY time this comes to light, it causes my mistrust to skyrocket and we hve problems for weeks on end between each other.
Frequently, these times I know about will be either discussing our relationship or even some moderate flirting. She even talked with him about how she KNEW the affair with X would eventually happen as they almost got together while she was married to her former husband(whom was abusive and I rescued her from, BTW).
Last spring, I had even gone and filed for divorce for about a week due to one of her chats I found that time around. We talked it over and I decided to give her another chance yet again...

She's seeing some online counselor(can't afford to goto an in-person one right now), and he has told her to change all her passwords and such so I cannot snoop into her chats anymore.
For awhile, I have accepted this and was actually doing better on my end.

About a week ago, she lets me know she's talking to X again. I have no idea for how long.
Just yesterday(8/3/15), she was in the other room when an alarm on her phone went off. I went ahead and turned it off for her, and for some reason it completely unlocked her phone. Curiosity got the better of me and I tried to look at her conversations with X.
In what little I did get to read, she was chatting with X about our relationship problems and basically belittling me in the process.
She comes in and sees me on her phone and immediately takes it back.
I explained what had happened to give me access to her phone, and asked her nicely if I could read the rest of the conversation so as to avoid me taking stuff out of context.
She tells me she wants to ask her counselor if it'd be alright and that he had already scolded her for talking about our relationship stuff to ANYONE else.

Her counselor tells her(just posting the relevant bit as he goes on about trial separation and such after this) "Tell him he needs to drop it. It isn't going to do either of you any good. It just feeds his desire not to trust you and invades your individual privacy." 
First of all, the ONLY times in the past year or so I've had trust issues with her is when X comes into the picture.
Secondly, it feels to me that NOT showing me the entire onversation history feeds my mistrust in her more than reading it would. By not letting me read it, it makes it feel like there's something she's hiding. Things that she KNOWS would upset me even more than I already am.

Even if they weren't chatting about relationship stuff and/or flirting, I feel like she just completely disregards my feelings on the matter. It's the ONE person I ask her not to talk to, yet she cannot respect that.

Am I in the wrong in this situation?
Should she not let me read the rest of her conversation(assuming she hasn't deleted it by now as she has a habit of doing)?
Or am I right that she should let me read the rest of her chats with X so as to clear things up?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

earthbounder64 said:


> I'll try to condense everything as best I can so this post isn't too long...
> 
> Back in 2012, my wife had a friend that came over while I was at work all the time. I warned her against this, but she didn't listen. Long story short here, he ended up raping her.
> In the months following the rape, she acted out by sleeping with 2 other men, one only one time, the other many times over the course of a few months(we'll call him 'X').
> ...


I'll answer the question put forth in the title of the thread...

No, but yes. While you're completely justified in feeling disrespected, WHY are you still married to this woman?!?

Also, your wife's "online counselor" (I hope you're picking up on the sarcasm there) is a COMPLETE AND TOTAL MORON.

Rape aside, your wife has _amazingly_ poor boundaries.

Was the rape reported? Was the rapist arrested, tried, and/or convicted?


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

First of all, I am sorry that you find yourself here and for what happened to your wife and how that has affected the both of you and your marriage.

You are not in the wrong. She should be completely transparent. This forum has great advice on how to handle cheating spouses. However, I caution pulling these tactics until you address the most likely root cause of her behavior. 

She needs professional counseling to deal with the trauma from her rape, no matter how long ago it was. This is a form of post traumatic stress disorder. If she does not deal with this first, she may continue to act out and/or use it as an excuse to hook up with other men. She is playing a victim role and she can learn how to not be a victim. Most people think a survivor of sexual assault locks up sexually, but many times they become hyper-sexual as a way to exert control over their own sexuality. 

I say these things, unfortunately from personal experience and from my former training and volunteer work as a sexual assault counselor. 

Welcome and I am sorry that you are here.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> I'll answer the question put forth in the title of the thread...
> 
> No, but yes. While you're completely justified in feeling disrespected, WHY are you still married to this woman?!?
> 
> ...


Her poor boundaries are most likely because she does not know how to deal with this trauma. His poor response to her behavior is most likely because he does not know how to deal with what has happened to his wife, how it has affected her, and in turn affected him. 

Bottom line is both of them need counseling.

But, we can't disregard her serial cheating either. And he needs to decide if he can forgive and move past this and wants to stay married to her.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Earthbounder my man, she completely disregards your feelings on this matter because she doesn't give a sh-t about your feelings. She does what she damn well pleases and you can go F yourself if you don't like it. She got a online snake oil salesman to back her up. 
Neither does she have any respect for you. When a woman runs after other guys, some call it poor boundaries. I call it "just likes to bang other guys". If you want to spend the rest of your life, which may or may not be a long time, with this woman, go ahead. But tell me something. Is it really worth it?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

No you are not wrong.....once you catch your old lady talking shyt about you to her X it's time to get out. The only way you can get any respect back is by telling her to leave and have the confidence to let her go.

Keeping that toxic shyt in your life is only going to phuck you up even more....

That's my $0.02


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I am not sure if any of this story is true.

You "saved" her ? You know her story what is the ex's Not what she said, what you know from friends, family, police reports and him.

Why was "rapist" always in the house? Drugs ? Sex ?

PosmX almost hooked up with her at the time?

I was under the impression her actions should not be sexual due to rape Her reaction therefore indicate a must deeper problem, perhaps sexual abuse 

What are the economics of your marriage ?


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

Was the rape reported to the police? It's not unheard of for a woman to use that to deflect from infidelity. 

If it was, the trauma doesn't justify cheating. The continued contact is horribly disrespectful.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

That knight in shining armor thing just doesn't work...your old lady is broken.
You can try to take control and try to do whats best for her but at the end of the day you are pissing in the wind.

Granted if she wants to take the step to learn the tools to have healthier behaviors then by all mean support her....but the shyt is all on her and you can't control something you have no control over.

You can stick around and watch this train wreck or you can show her bad behavior has consequences by just letting her go!

It sucks man cuz she can get the help...it's out there...but she says "phuck it I deserve bad things" and sabotages a healthy relationship... at the end of the day she truly thinks she isn't worth shyt and you are out there going thru the emotional torture for something you have no control over.

Sincerely
the guy
with the cheating wife


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Sorry about her rape but you cant fix her just devorce her if you want to fix somthing get a house or a car but first fix yourself


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The rape, even at this late stage, should be reported to the police.


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## earthbounder64 (Aug 5, 2015)

The rape was not reported, at the time, she was too messed up to do so, even tough I encouraged her to report it.
She hasn't reported it now because we figured too much time has passed. Perhaps I'll tell her that she should go ahead and report it anyways.

The guy who raped her was always around when I was working because they'd been friends for a long time before we got together. They would just chat and such at first. She told me he tried to kiss her, and that's why I cautioned her to not let him stop by anymore. Not too long after that was when he raped her and I got a call to come home.

As for X, he was another long-time friend of hers. They, apparently, almost hooked up when she was married to her former husband.
That's where the notion they had chatted about "going to happen eventually" had come from.
I have expressed my frustrations that she even would put herself in that kind of position in the first place.

Her former husband was abusive in every way, just not extremely abusive in them.
I came into the picture when she was already contemplating divorce from him. I helped her get away from him and start to get better(or so I thought).
She did go to a real counselor for a short time(a few months, I think) to deal with the way she was after her ex-husband.

I want to give her a chance to get better, but I do realize that I need to look after myself as well.
I have some pretty bad anxiety issues that resulted in me losing my last job(I'm currently looking for another) as well as depression and anger issues thrown into the mix(at least my anger issues have NEVER been taken out on anything living. I usually either yell a lot, shut down, or end up breaking something small and not worth much).
I will try to discuss with her why she should let me read those messages(assuming she hasn't deleted them by now).
I may have to face the facts and let her go. She claims she doesn't want to leave, but in my mind, she should respect my ONE "no-contact" rule and seek better help if she really wants to stay.

I'll keep you guys posted on what happens either way.
Thank you.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

GusPolinski said:


> Also, your wife's "online counselor" (I hope you're picking up on the sarcasm there) is a COMPLETE AND TOTAL MORON.


Anyone else think there is no online counselor? She's just using this to justify changing passwords and to keep OP at bay?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

earthbounder64 said:


> The rape was not reported, at the time, she was too messed up to do so, even tough I encouraged her to report it.
> She hasn't reported it now because we figured too much time has passed. Perhaps I'll tell her that she should go ahead and report it anyways.
> 
> The guy who raped her was always around when I was working because they'd been friends for a long time before we got together. They would just chat and such at first. She told me he tried to kiss her, and that's why I cautioned her to not let him stop by anymore. Not too long after that was when he raped her and I got a call to come home.
> ...


She needs the help of a psychiatrist, not a partially qualified psychology counsellor. She has deep-seated problems.

Was she sexually assaulted as a child?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Chris Taylor said:


> Anyone else think there is no online counselor? She's just using this to justify changing passwords and to keep OP at bay?



Honestly, I'm wondering if there was even a rapist.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I can't believe you, yes YOU, did nothing about her rape.

As for everything else, she needs help not marriage. She is a skank, rape didn't magically turn her into one, and you are a doormat.

Your boundaries are so loose that you might as well be a cuckold.

I don't think your marriage has a chance. 

You need a lot more alpha azzhole and she needs a lot more Mrs. Cleaver.

You both need serious help, especially her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Stopped by to read this.

Quietly exiting... 










Best of luck OP.


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## earthbounder64 (Aug 5, 2015)

I, too, have doubted the validity of the rape as well as the online counselor.

I try to not be too strict with her because of the way her ex-husband treated her, but I am realizing that I need to be a LOT more strict if I'm going to stay with her.
When I discuss letting me see the conversation with X, I'm going to also request to see a past conversation with her counselor guy just to verify he's real as well.

My parents always said I've got a soft heart, I guess this situation proves that without a shadow of a doubt.

EDIT:
I didn't do anything about the rape at the time because I was trying to be there for her.
Believe me, I wanted to hunt that bastard down and put him in the hospital, still wouldn't mind do that for him and now for X, TBQH.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Geez. Just divorce.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I was wondering the same thing if she really was raped. Seems to me that in order to protect herself she pointed the finger to the guy and said he raped her.

Friend I honestly think she's giving you a great big lie and your falling for it.

No woman should have to suffer through a rape. There's no valid excuse for it and the rapist should be locked up for many years for the damage he caused. But what I'm getting form this is a far fetched story and she knows your a soft hearted guy and will stand with her but when she didn't report this to the police, tells me something is wrong and if it was my wife, and she was raped, I promise you the cops would be involved finding this guy before I did. 

You better wise up and start asking questions but truth be told you blew it by waiting so long.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

eb64
Nutshell she is messed up big time.
You can't fix her.
I highly suggest you get your ducks in a row and see a lawyer asap.
Do not get stuck paying for a kid that is not yours.
Good luck.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

*SHE'S USING THE “RAPE” AS A GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD.
*



earthbounder64 said:


> Back in 2012, my wife had a friend that came over while I was at work all the time. I warned her against this, but she didn't listen. She told me he tried to kiss her, and that's why I cautioned her to not let him stop by anymore. Not too long after that was when he raped her and I got a call to come home.
> 
> The rape was not reported, at the time, she was too messed up to do so, even tough I encouraged her to report it.
> 
> I, too, have doubted the validity of the rape


She had a guy come over “all the time” while you were at work. He kissed her and she still had him come over after your objections. No wonder she didn’t report it. 

Call her bluff and have her report it now. Use the line that it’s probably too late to prosecute him now but it’s good to have a record of it in case he’s done it in the past or does it again to another woman in the future. See what your wife says.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

earthbounder64 said:


> *Am I in the wrong here?*


In the sense that you've allowed yourself to be a doormat; Yes.

You should not have accepted:

- Her male "friend" in your house while you were gone
- The rug sweeping of her two affairs
- Her continuing contact with male "friends"
- Her non-transparency
- Her counselor's advice
- Her lack of remorse
- And given her pattern of behavior, her story about being raped. It's pretty obvious what likely happened.

Instead, you should have started the divorce process and watched to see if that would turn her around. If it didn't, you should have completed the D.

Now, I think the best advice is just to divorce her and not look back.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

In 2001 I was on Active Duty. I was dealing with family, the command and deployed soldiers. I got word that one of our soldiers reported that his wife was raped by a friend. I contacted all the local police departments and there was no rape reported (I had a good relationship with all the local police forces). I figured that the wife used the rape story to cover up what really happened and it turned out to be the case. She was banging this "friend" as soon as her husband deployed overseas.

Can't say one way or the other about the rape but this story is really bizarre.

And the counselor telling your wife to keep everything private is beyond me. As a counselor myself I am very leery about everything your wife has said. It has B.S. written all over it.

I am sorry you are here but your wife is b*ll sh*tting you big time.


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## Sportsfan7000 (Jan 21, 2014)

Have some self respect my friend. The rape is not an excuse for further sleeping with other men. You do know that right? If I am assaulted I am not then able to go and commit other crimes and say" I was assaulted so I am doing these crimes as result". Doesn't work that way man. I would leave her ASAP and never look back.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

earthbounder64 said:


> I, too, have doubted the validity of the rape as well as the online counselor.
> 
> I try to not be too strict with her because of the way her ex-husband treated her, but I am realizing that I need to be a LOT more strict if I'm going to stay with her.
> When I discuss letting me see the conversation with X, I'm going to also request to see a past conversation with her counselor guy just to verify he's real as well.
> ...


So, it's now quite possible that the rape story was just a cover.

Soft-hearted or no, if you do not run straight to a lawyer now and initiate divorce proceeding while at the same time protecting your financial assets, you are not soft, you are an utter fool.

This woman has used the rape story to justify everything she has done. What else is there?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

earthbounder64 said:


> I, too, have doubted the validity of the rape as well as the online counselor.
> 
> I try to not be too strict with her because of the way her ex-husband treated her, but I am realizing that I need to be a LOT more strict if I'm going to stay with her.
> When I discuss letting me see the conversation with X, I'm going to also request to see a past conversation with her counselor guy just to verify he's real as well.
> ...


You're looking at this all wrong...

You should NEVER choose to be w/ a woman w/ whom you have to be "strict". If she can't or isn't willing to set and abide by HER OWN *REASONABLE* BOUNDARIES (and she's not!), you need to just cut her loose.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

OK, Wow. So she has a history of infidelity already. This changes things. Also, not sure the trauma would cause her to be repeatedly hooking up with the same guy right under your nose after repeated requests to stop. The biggest red flag, it is the same scum bag she cheated with on her first husband.

I don't want to believe that anyone who claims assault is lying...but.....Starting to wonder if she is filling your head with crap, too. Unfortunately, some people do lie about these things. 

Now, what are YOU going to do about this?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Divorce her. You are getting royally played.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry you are here.

I concur with others here, the online counselor is a fake and should be dropped like a hot coal. He is filling her head with nonsense which is not helping 
either of you or the marriage.
Get a proper trained counselor for both of you individually. Has she been for rape counselling via a rape crisis centre etc. This requires very specific help. She probably blames herself as you did warn her about this guy. 

What your wife went through is awful but she obviously had no boundaries before this traumatic event and is in self destructive mode now. You both have to work on yourselves and then the marriage. You tell her that all contact with this guy must stop, you have made many threats but not followed through and she knows it and will continue with this behaviour. You have to take the appropriate action and mean it. What does she do, stay at home all day? She sounds like she has too much time on her hands and may need to do some volunteer work, work part time or whatever so she is not left to her own devices and put herself in these situations.

Get IC and then MC. If she is not willing to see that her problems need to be dealt with then you are in a marriage that is going nowhere and you cannot help her till she decides to help herself. You will be dragged along and spiral downwards. Sometimes tough love is the answer and in the end you must be prepared to walk away if that is what it takes.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

where_are_we said:


> OK, Wow. So she has a history of infidelity already. This changes things. Also, not sure the trauma would cause her to be repeatedly hooking up with the same guy right under your nose after repeated requests to stop. The biggest red flag, it is the same scum bag she cheated with on her first husband.
> 
> I don't want to believe that anyone who claims assault is lying...but.....Starting to wonder if she is filling your head with crap, too. Unfortunately, some people do lie about these things.
> 
> Now, what are YOU going to do about this?


I thought the very same thing initially, but felt bad as no one wants to accuse a woman of making such a thing up but tbh, her behaviour before and after is questionable. :frown2:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

aine said:


> I thought the very same thing initially, but felt bad as no one wants to accuse a woman of making such a thing up but tbh, her behaviour before and after is questionable. :frown2:


Yep. She played her trump card, and he fell for it.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

where_are_we said:


> Her poor boundaries are most likely because she does not know how to deal with this trauma.


Sorry, no.

I have NEVER brought a female to my house alone, during my marriage, who wasn't a close relative. Her poor boundaries existed before the rape.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Whether or not the rape genuinely occurred (I'm also one who would be pretty upset if it was a false claim), If my spouse was slagging me off to other women I'd be done, because I'd know he has zero respect for me.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

This is a tough situation, but you can only control what you can control. If you step back and view things from a distance, you will see that she always has these problems that seem to happen to her and they are always somebody or something else that is to blame. There is no accountability to her actions. In order to repair a broken relationship, there has to be accountability, she has none. For example, if she was an alcoholic could she take a couple drinks? The obvious answer is no, the same is true of all these men, they are her drug of choice. 

These aren't bad things happening to her, it is bad choices by her. Additionally, your parents are right you do have a soft heart or knight in shining armor syndrome. You are a fixer, she has a problem and you are there to save the day. Both of you feed off one another in this sense, but you are always going to get the short end of the stick. This is just not a healthy way to live your life. 

I would pay less attention to what she says and more to what she does. She is going to justify her need to talk to other men and you need to be patient. What she is calling snooping and privacy is actually accountability and she refuses to be accountable. If you continue on this course, it can only lead to more heartache and pain. Take off the rose colored glasses and see it clearly.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

Your wife reminds me of that wife in Texas....the one who was cheating on her husband he caught her in the middle of the night in the camper with her lover in the middle of sex.....she yelled rape husband shot and killed the guy.....she is now in jail for a long long time for 1st degree murder....

Your wife was not raped that's what she said to hide the fact she's a hooker rat. Save face here man and divorce her.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Just keep taking her word for everything op, don't listen to all these naysayers.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

earthbounder64 said:


> . . . Back in 2012, my wife had a friend that came over while I was at work all the time. I warned her against this, but she didn't listen. Long story short here, he ended up raping her. . .





earthbounder64 said:


> The rape was not reported, at the time, she was too messed up to do so, even tough I encouraged her to report it.
> She hasn't reported it now because we figured too much time has passed. Perhaps I'll tell her that she should go ahead and report it anyways . . .
> 
> Her former husband was abusive in every way, just not extremely abusive in them.
> I came into the picture when she was already contemplating divorce from him. I helped her get away from him and start to get better(or so I thought) . . .





earthbounder64 said:


> I, too, have doubted the validity of the rape . . .
> 
> EDIT:
> I didn't do anything about the rape at the time because I was trying to be there for her.
> Believe me, I wanted to hunt that bastard down and put him in the hospital, still wouldn't mind do that for him and now for X, TBQH.


OP,

If you truly believed that a man raped your wife and you did nothing about it, then you are about as despicable a person who has ever told his story on TAM.

Reading between the lines of your posts, what I suspect happened is that you rather quickly came to the conclusion that she was lying about the rape (or at least greatly exaggerating the unwelcomeness of the OM's advances) and, instead of challenging her on it, you decided to play along because you didn't have the courage to confront her over her infidelity.

And, of course, that is still what is going on: you are afraid to deal with your wife for what she has proven herself to be -- a cheat and a liar.

I also can't help but notice that you first became involved with your wife while she was married and that you played a role in breaking up her marriage. Karma really sucks, doesn't it?

Someday, you will seriously regret your decision to become involved with a married woman and to remain with her after you discovered the kind of person that she is and, not only will you pay a very high price, you will deserve it.

Forgive me for being so harsh, but I believe someone needed to tell you what most people who have read this thread are thinking so that you can start to see yourself for what you really are and begin to fix yourself, because you badly need fixing.


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

earthbounder64 said:


> The guy who raped her was always around when I was working because they'd been friends for a long time before we got together. They would just chat and such at first. She told me he tried to kiss her, and that's why I cautioned her to not let him stop by anymore. Not too long after that was when he raped her and I got a call to come home.


Your story isn't adding up somehow, either from lack of info on your part or because there is deception.

Perhaps sex with him was the one line she thought you would be angry she crossed? 

This sounds like it may have been regret by your wife after crossing a line instead of an actual rape. You married a woman who had been much abused by her previous husband (and likely by whoever she dated before him) then allowed her to have a man around all day without you. Then you give your blessing to her having contact with some other men she cheated on you with.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Just end your suffering and move on (this is NOT my usual stance).

This just doesn't sound fixable at this point. Too much trust destroyed...

Save yourself...that is unless you just really like the ride your on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Graywolf2 said:


> *SHE'S USING THE “RAPE” AS A GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD.
> *
> 
> 
> ...


*It's all too apparent that she's going to ride that decrepit, tired old mule until it literally collapses in the middle of the roadway!

Well beyond time to give her the air and to get on with life!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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