# Can someone explain this one....



## Bleeding (Nov 14, 2011)

I been here for less than a week, have read many of the stories of BS and one thing in many of this stories calls my attention and that is what's happening in my case. The number of women who cheat with their ex bf's, can anyone explain this one to me????? The fact that the DS and the AP pined after each other for years and years, even long after being married, I don't understand this... I had many gf's before marrying my wife, never I lost my time craving after them long after our relationship ended, what makes it so different for women?????? :scratchhead::scratchhead: Any insight guys?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I doubt they were pining away all these years. Its just that reunions and facebook make it so easy to connect and it gets away from them before they know its happened. 

Why they don't stop it however is a character issue.

Supposedly , infidelity rates have tripled since 1997. Coinciding with the advent of the internet?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Bleeding said:


> I been here for less than a week, have read many of the stories of BS and one thing in many of this stories calls my attention and that is what's happening in my case. The number of women who cheat with their ex bf's, can anyone explain this one to me????? The fact that the DS and the AP pined after each other for years and years, even long after being married, I don't understand this... I had many gf's before marrying my wife, never I lost my time craving after them long after our relationship ended, what makes it so different for women?????? :scratchhead::scratchhead: Any insight guys?


IMO, it's because it is now so easy for people to reconnect via social networking sites.

Years ago, before FB, I saw the sister of a highschool BF. She passed along his email. Within about 10 emails back and forth, we were declaring undying love, even though we hadn't seen each other or spoken to one another in about 12 years. I knew at the time that what we were doing was wrong (he was at the end of his marriage, and my LTR was suffering) and I clonked it on the head. But it was sooo easy to 'talk to him'...

I recently saw him on FB. He's started over, new wife...children. I wisely left him in the past - better for both of us, I think.

In my case, it was the contact that awoke long dead feelings...I can honestly say I never pined for him after we broke up at age 17, and I still don't.

BTW, I don't believe that this is exclusive to women...

Thanks.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Infidelity Statistics 

Below are compiled statistics on infidelity and marriage:

Percentage of marriages that end in divorce in America: 53%

Percentage of "arranged marriages" (where parents pick their sons or daughters spouses) that end in divorce: 3%

Medical field(s) with the highest divorce rate: psychiatrists and marriage counselors

Percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional: 41%

Percentage of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had: 57%

Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they've had: 54%

Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker: 36%

Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips: 36%

Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity (emotional or physical) with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law: 17%

Average length of an affair: 2 years

Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered: 31%

Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 74%

Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 68%


This will sober anyone up


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Two days a woman is most likely to cheat. #1 the day after Valentines day #2 the day after Mother's Day


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Trust me it is not a female thingy. My ex hooked up on FB with a high school chum from 40 something years ago. They had an EA and then a PA and I had a divorce.

By the way, this ow has been married for 45 years.

Go figure. I can't.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

My AP was an old HS flame. We had a very brief but very intense romance 23 years ago that due to miles between us and other reasons never had a chance. I honestly hadn't thought about her in I don't even know how many years - not even a flash through my thoughts. So did I spend those 23 years pining for her? Nope not even once. But kind of like CandiGirl, once she reestablished contact it literally took only days to become completely enthralled with each other - 10 days from "Hi" to ILY's. I wouldn't believe had I not lived it. 

Reconnecting with old romances is like pouring gas on a smoldering fire. Yeah it may be out and nothing may ignite - but if it does watch out cause it's going to be explosive.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

The reason exes are such common affair partners is that you don't have to spend any time forming a bond or connection with them. You already have the bond. It's the same reasons for coworkers.

Most people who cheat wouldn't do it if it required making the decision to cheat and only then going to a bar or night club looking for a partner. They connect (or reconnect) with someone, then things get emotional, and then things get physical.

As Bobby Boucher's momma would say, "Facebook is the devil!"


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## Bleeding (Nov 14, 2011)

Wow thanks everyone for your perspective on this. I'm new to this and been so lost trying to understand what goes through the DS mind, you really gave me very good material to go through here. A lot to take in.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Bleeding said:


> I been here for less than a week, have read many of the stories of BS and one thing in many of this stories calls my attention and that is what's happening in my case. The number of women who cheat with their ex bf's, can anyone explain this one to me????? The fact that the DS and the AP pined after each other for years and years, even long after being married, I don't understand this... I had many gf's before marrying my wife, never I lost my time craving after them long after our relationship ended, what makes it so different for women?????? :scratchhead::scratchhead: Any insight guys?


It's crazy, isn't it? 

Like mentioned, the ease of reconnecting and the familiarity leads to most of it I imagine. In both sexes. 

Personally I don't get it, as I figure they are ex's for a reason. But I seem to be among the minority on that one.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Soccerfan73 said:


> It's crazy, isn't it?
> 
> Like mentioned, the ease of reconnecting and the familiarity leads to most of it I imagine. In both sexes.
> 
> Personally I don't get it, as I figure *they are ex's for a reason*. But I seem to be among the minority on that one.


This is true, but so easy to overlook once you hook back up. And now, I can't even remember why I broke up with HS boyfriend when we were 17...seriously!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think we tend to forget the bad stuff, so we are quick to remember the fun stuff when an ex contacts us. Plus the ex-BF is making a play on the woman and knows how to do it because of their previous history.

So many women seem to think an ex-BF contacting them via FaceBook is innocent. The woman likes the attention and she doesn't realize at first that the ex is trying to get some sex. Before she knows it she is in deeper than she planned.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Soccerfan73 said:


> Personally I don't get it, as I figure they are ex's for a reason. But I seem to be among the minority on that one.


Most people break up with exes because of things that would be minor issues in a marriage. In a marriage, you've got to deal with kids, a mortgage, work problems, and things that were never issues with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend.

The relationship with someone you dated in high school or college probably ended because of something stupid that you can laugh about today. And once you're both laughing about it, you're well on your way to trouble.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

My exh started chatting with his exgf of over 20 years through fb. Her mother had recently passed away and he felt that he should offer emotional support to her since she was there when his mother passed. He asked me if he could call her, so I thought everything was on the up and up. However, shortly after the IM's and fb chats started and he would go to her town when he was nearby for work. She started to talk about them leaving their partners when they were 50, so it would be easier on the kids. His take on the whole thing was, "I never took it seriously", an EA that went PA, how much more serious can one get?


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