# Need Advice



## ditched (Jul 26, 2014)

Hi. I've posted on the Infidelity section, but never here before. My husband and I have been together for 22 years and he had an affair a couple of months ago. He never wanted to try and make it work with me and basically chose the other woman. So I filed for divorce. I'll be getting the final paperwork soon.

I do need some advice, please. I am having a very hard time telling people that I'm getting divorced. There is a small group of people that I talk openly with, but at some point I know I need to tell my friends and acquaintances what's been going on. How do I do that? I am so disappointed that I'm getting a divorce. And really, I'm ashamed. I feel like a failure. I know I tried everything I could to save my marriage, and I know that I never walked away, he did. I just have no clue how to start the conversation. I am a very private person and I'm nervous that people will want details. I don't want a divorce, but I understand this is how my life is now. 

How do I get past the shame and embarrassment of failing at my marriage? How do I tell people what happened? I'm so clueless. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

ditched said:


> Hi. I've posted on the Infidelity section, but never here before. My husband and I have been together for 22 years and he had an affair a couple of months ago. He never wanted to try and make it work with me and basically chose the other woman. So I filed for divorce. I'll be getting the final paperwork soon.
> 
> I do need some advice, please. I am having a very hard time telling people that I'm getting divorced. There is a small group of people that I talk openly with, but at some point I know I need to tell my friends and acquaintances what's been going on. How do I do that? I am so disappointed that I'm getting a divorce. And really, I'm ashamed. I feel like a failure. I know I tried everything I could to save my marriage, and I know that I never walked away, he did. I just have no clue how to start the conversation. I am a very private person and I'm nervous that people will want details. I don't want a divorce, but I understand this is how my life is now.
> 
> How do I get past the shame and embarrassment of failing at my marriage? How do I tell people what happened? I'm so clueless. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.


While you feel shame and embarrassment you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I too am a very private person and at first I didn't want to tell anyone either. 

What worked for me was to just be upfront, short and sweet, just stick with the bare facts and get it over with. If you can keep your emotions in check, sound confident in your path, fake it if you have to, and don't go into too much detail people will not want details or ask. 

Make a statement as to why your getting divorced as opposed to leaving explanations open to more questions I guess is how I would put it. Its not a fun conversation to have but your better off having them hear it from you as opposed to your spouse or the rumor mills.


----------

