# Pornography



## youngmom (Jun 5, 2011)

Is ok for a husband download and watch porn every day? And instead of touching his wife?

Need some men's opinion... And ladies, what you will feel if your husband do that?

Thanks.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

No, it's not okay. Porn was one of the things that ruined my marriage. I'm porn free now but it doesn't really matter now because it seems I'll be divorced soon. 

I would tell you to voice your feelings to your husband including why you are having a hard time with this type of activity. Don't leave out how it makes you feel or the fact that it seems to replace intimacy with you. Let him know that you love him but that you can not continue to be replaced by porn. 

Just curious, how long you been married and has he always done this? Have you ever watched it together? If so, what made you stop?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

The only reason porn bothered me was because he told me when we first got together that it did nothing for him. If he told me he liked a peek every now and then I wouldn't have had a problem with it. But he said it did nothing for him. So naturally I got a little miffed when I caught him masturbating to it. And then the digs on my body started. And then he quit touching me. Talk about low blow. 

I don't even remember when he quit looking at it. I think it was about the time his computer crashed from all the viruses and crap he got by looking at it. But he did quit and our lives were much happier.  Until he decided he didn't love me anymore anyway.


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## youngmom (Jun 5, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> No, it's not okay. Porn was one of the things that ruined my marriage. I'm porn free now but it doesn't really matter now because it seems I'll be divorced soon.
> 
> I would tell you to voice your feelings to your husband including why you are having a hard time with this type of activity. Don't leave out how it makes you feel or the fact that it seems to replace intimacy with you. Let him know that you love him but that you can not continue to be replaced by porn.
> 
> ...


We have been married for a year. And he always do this, before and after married, that's what he told me.

And I tried many, many times to tell him about my feelings. But he never listen, he always yell at me on this, call me BI***, immature and stupid. He said this is absolutely normal for a man, to release himself, and said im acting like a 14 year old child. Because of this thing, we are leading to divorce.


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## youngmom (Jun 5, 2011)

TemperToo said:


> The only reason porn bothered me was because he told me when we first got together that it did nothing for him. If he told me he liked a peek every now and then I wouldn't have had a problem with it. But he said it did nothing for him. So naturally I got a little miffed when I caught him masturbating to it. And then the digs on my body started. And then he quit touching me. Talk about low blow.
> 
> I don't even remember when he quit looking at it. I think it was about the time his computer crashed from all the viruses and crap he got by looking at it. But he did quit and our lives were much happier. Until he decided he didn't love me anymore anyway.



I am so sorry to hear that. Must be a hard time for you. Hope things go well for you. This thing bothers me because I dont feel loved by him. He likes to watch naked females on screem instead of paying attention on me.


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## FL. MACHINIST (Jun 5, 2011)

no it is not okay. he should be sharing those things with you. its one thing if yall were watching it together. its not okay if he does it to just get his rocks off and avoid you. maybe try asking him to let you join in with him and see if it sparks something between you all.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

youngmom said:


> He said this is absolutely normal for a man, to release himself, and said im acting like a 14 year old child. Because of this thing, we are leading to divorce.


Tell him I said he's the stupid one acting like a 14-year old. Assuming you are not withholding from him and performing satisfactorily in bed, he should have no need for masturbating to a movie.


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## mmpriest_2707 (Jun 5, 2011)

if its everyday its not alright thats addiction already..he needs your help (even though he tells u its not a problem or its nothing to watch porn caUSE evry man doing it)..if his not going to lessen his watching ..watch porn too and tell him how big you see also..hehe..men sometimes are immature and inconsiderate with women..my partner before ask me for my help to stop it cause i throw my stink on him and how unhappy i am..but also i can understand cause they hv fantasies but if the relationship is affected men should use there heart and head not the other head below.


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

youngmom said:


> Is ok for a husband download and watch porn every day? And instead of touching his wife?
> 
> Need some men's opinion... And ladies, what you will feel if your husband do that?
> 
> Thanks.


PORN IS NOT THE PROBLEM! 
Porno is all about some lack or problems in the relationship so the person goes off looking for satisfaction from porn or whatever.
Fix the relationship and porn will not be a big deal!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As a guy... Porn is a problem if it replaces intimacy with a spouse. It can also be a problem if one spouse is hurt by it (often the wife) and the other spouse refuses to work on the issue. In itself, I don't think that porn itself has to be and issue. Heck, if both spouses watch it and it turns them on, it can be a great thing! But it doesn't sound like that's the case here.

One thing I found in my marriage is that due to a lack of intimacy (and I had my role in that as well), I was looking at porn on a regular basis and "taking care of business", if you know what I mean. But in my current relationship, intimacy is not an issue, and I have no desire to look at porn, and haven't been self service for months. Something to consider... Can you fix the porn issue by fixing an intimacy issue? Of course, fixing an intimacy issue is tough if the other partner isn't willing to acknowledge there is an issue, and work on it. And if the porn is causing an intimacy issue, then you need to deal with that first. It all starts with open honest communication.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

If its everyday, and he would rather do that than be with you, then yes its a problem, and unfortunately you may have a long road ahead of you in this struggle with this issue.


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## WifeInMaine (Jun 6, 2011)

I would say in your case, that your husband watching porn is not acceptible and he needs to start respecting your feelings. 

The fact that he is watching it everyday and being intimate with himself not you, is a problem. The fact that he is getting for defensive about it and trying to turn things around on you and make you feel like your in the wrong, is a problem. He's not respecting you and he's not respecting your marriage.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

What PBear said.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

From my own personal experience when men watch porn it's due to the following reasons:

1. Lack of intimacy
2. Sexual addictions.
3. Wife makes intimacy a chore.
4. All the above

Do look at this list and talk openly and honestly with your husband. For example, ask him first if he feels that he has to move mountains to get a five minute quickie. If he says yes well you may have to look at why this is or stop demanding he not find relief when you sex starve him.

Men are very easy creatures to please. Use this to your advantage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Edge (Mar 30, 2011)

I used to look at porn but not since I got married. If my wife wanted to watch a porn movie with me I might but alone I would consider it cheating.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

youngmom said:


> Is ok for a husband download and watch porn every day? And instead of touching his wife?
> 
> Need some men's opinion... And ladies, what you will feel if your husband do that?


If he is NOT touching and making love to his wife - NO!! 

I am not against viewing some porn, me & husband do it together (soft stuff only ) and he has a hobby of collecting playboy bunnies online. He enjoys it & it doesnt bother me a bit -because he is extremely affectionate & I am the only one to touch him below the belt, not even his own hand unless he is taking a whizz of coarse. 

If he even dared use that over me (when I am wanting it) the sh** would truly hit the fan! You have every right to be upset, he is taking something that belongs to you, his wife, and bestowing it somewhere else, denying you pleasure and intimacy. 

Never Never Never OK. If men use it because their wives do not want it as much, to keep them from having an affair, to not badger the wife for sex, this I feel is completey OK, even normal, but that same man should Jump when the wife is willing.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

youngmom said:


> And I tried many, many times to tell him about my feelings. But he never listen, he always yell at me on this, call me BI***, immature and stupid.


The porn is a problem in your marriage. But, so is this behavior. There is a bigger picture--your husband has some serious problems. Have you and your husband gone to counseling? If he is unwilling to get help, I wouldn't be hanging around much longer for the abuse.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Porn really gets a bad rap. I think you can watch porn in moderation. I even think its healthy to watch the occasional plot based porn, like the movie "Pirates" on the sofa together as a couple. The problem comes when things get to extremes. If it becomes obsession or addiction. Realistically this can happen with anything. Ive seen women get addicted to TV shows to the point where the husband doesn't even get them during commercials.

Obsessive behavior destroys lives. Period.


If he isn't touching you sexually, you have to ask why? I had gotten into the habit of changing into my undershirt and sweat pants as soon as I got home from the office. It was a bad habit because the wife never saw me dressed nice. I changed that. I died my hair, and began wearing my tight Levis and a nice shirt around the house. The difference in my wife was astounding. When I looked dumpy, I got sex. When I cleaned up, I got Tons of sex. Im not saying your dumpy. Im saying, you may both have picked up some bad habits and a little self examination may make a big difference in your lives.


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

If it's a problem for you it is a problem for him. Porn hurts relationships when only one person wants it in the relationship. 

Besides, nobody_ needs_ porn. It sounds from your post like you are willing to meet your husband's sexual needs so you have every right to view his his desire to get gratification outside of the marriage as unacceptable.

Talk to him. Let him know how you really feel. Ask what he needs from you. Tell him what you need from him.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Tell him it bothers you.

But, depending on him, he may or may not do anything about it (sorry, I'm just trying to be honest).

My husband is also what I like to refer to as a porn-hound. He knows it bothers me - he knows that it has become more important than me and has replaced me as his #1 sexual partner. 

But, it has made no difference - he likes porn and I think he's addicted (he says he's not).

Though his usage has dropped in the last few weeks - I don't know why - maybe health issues or his desire has dropped to look at it.

All I know is he KNOWS how I feel and he won't change any part of it until HE'S ready. So I had to make a decision, live with it and work out the other issues in the relationship that may have driven him to porn in the first place, or leave.

I chose to try to work through it - I'm hoping we can - we've been married more than 65 years.


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## Gemini79 (Oct 9, 2010)

Porn has no place in a loving world. It is bad for the soul of all involved. Period. BTW, glad to see some men agreeing it is wrong and especially in cases where it hurts the spouse/partner....I have never heard a man voice that opinion publicly!:smthumbup:


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## Mirrormask (Jun 15, 2011)

I am gonna go ahead and nip this one in the bud. Women have a belief that porn is taking away from the relationship. But the truth is that it does not. Men are physically stimulated more than mentally. Women can do most of the work in there mind through fantasy, men ... not so much. The ladies will kill me for saying this one but a man would prefer to watch porn at times "just because". It doesn't mean he isn't interested in you. Simply put, it is what it is and nothing more. Its visual stimulation. Its almost the reverse of when a women says i have a headache when she doesn't. Men don't say to themselves, she must not want me anymore. Of course not, we just say uhm ok and understand you just don't want to at that moment. Well for men, it because we want to watch it at that moment. Its a man thing i suppose. Just because we have a wife, we still like to know that we "got it" and still know how to polish our favorite rifle.

But remember Guys and Gals, porn is not really intended to be in a relationship. Really should not be around period. But if it must, here are some tips to try and cope with it. 

Tips to try

Try sitting in his world and start to watch it with him. It may actually bring you closer as you sit and enjoy it together. You would be surprised what this tip is capable of. 

Try just sitting back and watching him whittle away at his manhood. Just enjoying the image of the man you love pleasuring himself. Don't focus on what he is watching to achieve it, just enjoy watching him be a man by nature. Remember it isn't because he isn't attracted to you.

But i wont say that it cannot BECOME a problem. If he is doing it all the time and it has been a long time since he has given you any attention, then it could become a real issue. But you must remember that sex is not everything in a relationship. But you need to let him know that even tho sex isn't everything in a relationship, that you have needs that are not being met. As his wife you are entitled to have your feathers ruffled. This is one of the very rare times i will give this piece of advice. Try taking it from him, i don't mean rape your husband, but just try to take what your entitled to. (Men please this tip ISN"T for you, don't try to take something from your wife. It isn't physically the same thing)

FORGOT TO ADD - But ultimately, if you try some of these tips it might help you out. But if it doesn't I would recommend getting professional help.


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## Ayrun (Jun 12, 2011)

I'm probably one of the few blokes that just think porn is a waist of time. In fact, when you come right down to it, it's pathetic. You're sitting there, playing with yourself, with your pants around your ankles hoping mommy (wife) isn't going to catch you. Beta 101 behavior, in my opinion. 

I'd rather have the real thing, and if ain't got the real thing I ain't going to emasculate myself watching some other dude bang some broad. I've got better things to do.

Btw, sorry to hear about your husband. No talking sense into these porn dopes though.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Ayrun said:


> I'm probably one of the few blokes that just think porn is a waist of time. In fact, when you come right down to it, it's pathetic. You're sitting there, playing with yourself, with your pants around your ankles hoping mommy (wife) isn't going to catch you. Beta 101 behavior, in my opinion.
> 
> I'd rather have the real thing, and if ain't got the real thing I ain't going to emasculate myself watching some other dude bang some broad. I've got better things to do.
> 
> Btw, sorry to hear about your husband. No talking sense into these porn dopes though.


\ Great answer.


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