# Thank you, Ladies of TAM.



## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I am always puzzled why men come to TAM to ask other men for insight into their wives behaviour. Vice versa for the women.

I appreciate all help, regardless of who gives it, but you ladies have provided me great insight into my wifes behaviour, and the behaviour I was displaying.

My wife and I have gone from sex 1-2 bimonthly to just about daily. But this is man talk, in womans language we have connected on a deeper level and have rekindled a lot of lost love and romance.

Thank you. And Im sure my wife would like to thank you if she could.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

That is very exciting!:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

So what was the 2 of you doing wrong in the past to be missing each other so much ..... communication? Resentment built up, unforgiveness, passive aggressive behaviors, not being vulnerable with he/ she with you, missing each others love languages ??

Share your particular story a bit SockPoppet.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> I am always puzzled why men come to TAM to ask other men for insight into their wives behaviour. Vice versa for the women.
> 
> I appreciate all help, regardless of who gives it, but you ladies have provided me great insight into my wifes behaviour, and the behaviour I was displaying.
> 
> ...


I must be a man then. Women can be horndogs too, thank you very much. I hate that people still believe all women are just flowery and emotional. 

Glad to hear that you are having more sex. I wish that I could get it every day too!


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> I must be a man then. Women can be horndogs too, thank you very much. I hate that people still believe all women are just flowery and emotional.
> 
> Glad to hear that you are having more sex. I wish that I could get it every day too!


Thanks. Everyone needs to have more sex, IMO.

In my circumstances, I maintain horndog status in passive mode. Takes the pressure of the Wife and makes her more sexually receptive. A very round-about way of getting what you want. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> That is very exciting!:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:
> 
> So what was the 2 of you doing wrong in the past to be missing each other so much ..... communication? Resentment built up, unforgiveness, passive aggressive behaviors, not being vulnerable with he/ she with you, missing each others love languages ??
> 
> Share your particular story a bit SockPoppet.


Thats actually sums it up quite nicely. 

We fell in Lust, got married in Lust. The love was always there, but because of why we got married I would never have been able to say I was "in love" with wifey for the first couple years of marriage. We never had the "talk". Kids, careers, location, etc. We were just floating by, enjoying life. Really, really good friends with benefits. My Wife is my best friend.

I left my last relationship neutured. Ex used sex to get her way, emotional abuse. Was physically abusive, even had the neighbours knocking on the door one night, thinking I was taking a few rounds out of her. Financial infidelity, badmouthed me to all of my now ex-old high school friends, and found out she was sleeping with half her work colleagues. 

Other than the need to man-up, wife and I still need to figure out where our marriage is taking us, as opposed to our own personal views of the future. That is problem #1 for us. 

It was only a few days after finding this site I discovered my wifes 'love language' and realized that she doesnt say, "I love you" with sex, like most men would think, but through other signs of affection I never even noticed before.
From here I started seeing all the mis-communication in our marriage and how that was causing us to drift further apart. We still got along like great friends, but there was more missing.

No click, no spark, no nothing.

Now we start having the right kind of talks and realize we dont want the same thing in life. She wants kids asap, I want to finish my schooling. She wants to live near her parents, I want to move to the big city. 

There is very little middle ground on these issues, so we get pissy, seeing how the marriage shows no signs of real unity. More resent builds up when we disagree on anything, regardless how small. From here, perhaps we are a little more stubborn, refusing to budge on certain points, and refusing to validate the other persons point of view. Lots of constant bickering over nothing.

But awareness is a good starting point, and Im looking to make this work. The vows I spoke are more than token in nature, and my integrity isnt worth sacrificing over petty squabbling.

Now *we* are actively focusing on building up our bonds. Marriage is first priority, with kids/school in the background, whatever *we* choose. But first there needs to be a *'we'* to choose it.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> I am always puzzled why men come to TAM to ask other men for insight into their wives behaviour. Vice versa for the women.
> 
> I appreciate all help, regardless of who gives it, but you ladies have provided me great insight into my wifes behaviour, and the behaviour I was displaying.
> 
> ...


That is really awesome! Glad the forum could help out!


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

That is really wonderful to hear...congrats to you and your wife...


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Congratulations! It's always nice to hear when people are turning their marriages around!


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I came to realize that I was so preoccupied with trying to make the marriage work I wasnt doing what was needed to make the marriage work.

I romantisize my own fantasies and it gets in the way of allowing me to be me. Not sure what to do about it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think alot of people marry in LUST , not really knowing the other INSIDE OUT, their deepest hopes, dreams, goals, how many kids, where to live, how to handle money, love languages, how to handle conflicts. 

It's a BIG HILL to climb once you are in & realize you & your spouse feel very differently in half or more of these areas! YIKES! 

This is one thing me & my husband got all right- we talked till we were blue in the face about all that future stuff, was always on the same page - where we were messed up in the LUST / sex department to some degree. That is the ONLY thing we DIDN'T talk about or explore enough. Ha ha 

At the end of the day.. it is all about knowing how to communicate effectively, forgiving our faults, even some angry moments, REALLY LISTEN to the other and reach a happy compromise you both can smile about. 

Good for you & her Sockpuppet!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> Now *we* are actively focusing on building up our bonds. Marriage is first priority, with kids/school in the background, whatever *we* choose. But first there needs to be a *'we'* to choose it.


Good news!!


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