# Im deployed, wife depressed/in denial/wants separation



## franco_americano (Nov 4, 2011)

Ok so, this is kinda hard for me to start out. let me start out by saying my wife was married before, she got married in High School, her husband joined the Navy and she got stationed in Virginia, where we met, and where she is living while I am deployed. We have been married for 3 years on the 27th of last month. We got married kinda early, dated for a steady year prior to getting married. But I knew the day I met her that she was the woman I would marry. Anyway, only 3 months after we got married, I went on my 3 third deployment, our first deployment together. We did really well through the deployment, we had our disagreements about things and we would bicker back and forth, but I knew that would happen with the stressors of me being gone and everything. So, we make it through that deployment, we are doing really well, still bickering and having disagreements about stupid little petty things. 2 years go by, and I get tasked to go on the deployment I am currently on. Now, let me back track real quick, about a year ago, her grandmother past, and she took it very hard, she was very close to her. Back on track, before I go on my deployment she took I think it was around 10 days of vacation so that we could spend time together before I left. Another thing I forgot to mention is we have had conflicting work schedules for about a year and a half out of the 2 years after our first deployment together. We would sometimes only see each other like 2 days a week if we were lucky. So, we were both very happy to get that 10 days together, we live near the beach so we spent a lot of time dolphin watching, went to a concert on the beach, we just truly got to enjoy each others company for those few days before I left. So, we parted ways happy with each other and very upset to have to part. She actually called me when I left wanting to follow the bus to the airport and wait in the terminal with me til I actually got one the plane, and when I told her that would just make it harder for us to let go, she agreed, and went home. When she got home, before I got on the plane I got on my trusty Droid and checked my Facebook, her status was something to the effect of "My heart is on a plane headed to Texas, and eventually to Afghanistan". When I left I didnt go straight to the desert, I was in Texas for training for a month prior to leaving, during that month we go along great still, with little fights here and there, but still genuinely happy and in love with each other. The first month of the deployment went well, we still talked, we were still happy, and then came August, her birthday month, this is the first birthday she has had to spend alone, and the first birthday she had without her grandma. She was very upset the whole month, when I called her she constantly sounded upset, I told her I was there for her if she wanted to talk, but she wouldn't open up to me. She promised me that it was just her being upset about her grandma not being there and I understood that and pressed on. September came and she started to seem like she was doing a little better, but still not herself. I just kinda brushed it off and figured she still needed time to get over her grandma. Then, one day I called her and she was still upset and wouldnt open up to me about anything until I pushed her, I needed to know what was going on with her because I worry about her everyday and all I want to do is be there for her. She told me she didnt want to tell me cause it would upset me, but I finally got her to tell me, she said sometimes she resents me, and she hates me for not being there. I was a little upset but I also know that military spouses go through a lot of phases while theyre husbands/wives are deployed. So I let her have that one, I wasnt mad, I understood her feelings. Although she said that I still felt we were in love and everything was ok it was just the deplyment getting to her, me being home for 2 years and out of nowhere Im just gone in a flash. But, October came, she rarely wants to talk to me anymore, she gets upset because she is the only one talking when I call, which wasnt even true, I was in the middle of talking and she told me "if youre not going to talk, I dont want to just sit here and listen to you breathe" and this is in the middle of me talking, I think I took a breath and thats when she said that. So, after that we decided we would take a break from me calling her on the phone and we would just use email of Facebook, cause you can sit there and think of things before you type them. I thought that was going pretty well, I started feeling better and figured maybe she realized she was just upset about me being gone and she knew Id be home in a few more months. But, I called her 3 days before our anniversary, I just wanted to here her voice, she got upset with me and said she loves me but shes not in love with me anymore, she wants a separation, just wants to be left alone. I was upset, and speechless, I knew she was upset but I never thought she would say the things she said. She told me she was considering getting a second job when I get home just so she wont have to see me. I just dont know what to think anymore, I got blindsided by it. The next day, she sent me a text, and all it said was "sorry im hurting you". But we have not talked on the phone since then, I called on our anniversary and she didnt answer the phone. I sent her a Facebook message with questions that I really needed answers to so I wouldnt be thinking one thing and something else happen, I asked her if she planned on being at the base when I got off the bus when I get home. She said she would be if she wasnt working as long as I want her to be there, I asked if I should even come home, or if I should find a hotel to stay at or whatever, she told me she wouldnt make me stay somewhere else unless I wanted to. I asked if we would sleep in the same bed, she said " I dont know if that would be a good idea, I guess I wouldnt mind, but I dont know if youll want to." Of course the answer to all of those is yes I want her to be there, no I dont want to stay somewhere else, and yes I would like to stay in the same bed. But all the while she is telling me these things keeping me hanging on, she is asking her friend, who is currently separated from her husband and getting divorced, about people to talk to about divorce, and how much she paid. She told me she doesnt plan on leaving right away, but she is looking for apartments, and telling her friend "he doesnt think its over, but it is". My fingers are hurting and after typing all this out I need a cigarette. So if anyone has any advise, or needs anymore details please let me know. She means everything to me and I do not want to lose her, but she doesnt even want me to contact her.


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