# Why do I still feel a need to tell him what I'm doing????



## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

So I made a decision that I'd like to move closer to some family...I have none where I am and it's been so hard to be alone through this. Plus I want my boys to feel like that have family more than me. So I made the decision to move close to two of my sisters and their families....lots of cousins to get to know and play with....Aunts to love them and to be there for me too...a good change. 
So why did I feel a need to send an email to my stbxh and let him know this is what I have planned? I sent an email telling him I didn't hate him....would always love him for the things that were good between us...for my beautiful little boy. That I had hoped for the last two months that he would come home and say "I messed up Melissa...I want my family back" but that I knew it wasent going to happen. That I needed this move and hoped there would be no problems. I wished him the best....

Why did I do that? I should of said nothing....I again opened myself up for him to say something vicious like he always responds...and to make problems about my moving so far away. Ugh....why do I still feel like I want to watch out for his feelings after he's so blatantly disregarded mine and our kids?

bah....


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

old habits die hard, good or bad.

you will get better at it as time goes on.

maybe youre just throwing a little something out there hoping he will change at some point and not react the way you expect him to.

feel better about things knowing you will have family around soon.

good luck to you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How far away from where your husband lives are you planning to move?

If you move out of state or very far from where he lives, there could be ramifications... like him going to court for an order that his son be returned.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

melissa im glad you posted i was just thinking about you yesterday. im still doing the same thing sometime, old habits die hard and you spent so long witb him always taking his needs in consideration. i agree with ellie are you moving out of state, cause he may cause problems
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> How far away from where your husband lives are you planning to move?
> 
> If you move out of state or very far from where he lives, there could be ramifications... like him going to court for an order that his son be returned.


Ele has a good point about out of state. Check the laws in your state about moving after he moved out. Maybe even ask a lawyer.


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

I definitely will make sure he can't cause any problems before we move...I've been debating whether or not it would be better to file for divorce first or after a move? Amazing that yet again he can do as he like...if he chose to move, chooses to stay, visit/not visit etc.....and yet I have to consider his 'rights' before I do anything.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Melissa, all my family lives 1000 miles away from me. I have a 14 month old son....and I would really like to move back closer to my family so that I could have some support and help. But, I can't.

My stbxh will not allow me to take our son and move. My lawyer told me that it would be almost impossible for me to move closer to my family. So, I am sort of stuck here. 

I am trying to make the best of it though. Like most things in my life, I don't have much control over it. So, I am just trying to deal. I have a lot of good friends here, and I have a good job. So, I will be okay. It just stinks because I would really like my son to grow up knowing his grandparents (both sets) and his cousins. 

I know have a lot of extra money either--so, it is hard to find money to fly back home to visit. 

Oh well. Life goes on. We just have to make the best of it


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think it would be better to file after you move if you are moving out of state or a fair distance away. Once you file, the concept of "status quo" becomes very important. 

If you move and wait a bit to file, you can argue that your new residence is the 'status quo' residence for the children.
But again, see an attorney first.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

in some states you have to file where your last residence together was.


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

jpr I'm sorry you can't be closer in distance to your family. It's all I'm craving right now. I feel so alone out here. My stbxh has all his family here but I only had him and our boys. No real close friends or family. Oh it makes me so angry that he gets to just walk away and desert us and on the off chance that he may decide to 'strut his feathers' I have to worry about his rights to be able to move and get some help and support. Maybe its a good thing that I sent that email then...maybe I'll luck out and he'll respond in a positive and I can get him to sign something saying hes ok if we move. Grrr just when I think I'm making some solid moves and plans....bah...


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