# Wayward vs. Walk-a-way Wives



## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I was just curious as to what everyone else thought about the differences of having a wayward wife vs. a walk-a-way wife. I've obviously done a lot of searching, including soul-searching throughout my seperation/divorce situation and had run across several sites discussing the walk-away wife phenomena of late. Are they the same as the wayward wife in your opinion. 

I believe that while there are some similarities, there are also some major difference. I don't think the standard walkaway cheats and gets tangled up in adulterous living. I may be wrong. Just curious on others opinions....


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

without having reading up on this subject, I guess a wayward wife is one who is being unfaithful in her marriage while a walk away wife is one is has not been unfaithful but leaves her family for other reasons. Can you post some more information for the differences of the two?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I had a wayward wife.

She stuck around and as I did my own thing she was always there (when she wasn't with OM's) came home at all hours, but came home. Hell I didn't care as long as I was making money and I moved up the corp. ladder I would always find her laying next to me in bed sooner or later. For the most prt she seemed to be around it was hard to say I really wasn't looking for her back in the day.

So she cheated and I neglected and we went on for years so my wife was wayward she never left. If she ever walked away...back in the day I might have never noticed. 

Back in the day she would have had every right to walk away but she was to good of a mother to leave them with me...well back then any way.

Another thing, I think a true walk away is one that leave everything, asset, kids, and husband.

Thats my $0.02


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Here's a piece of an article I found on walkaway wives:
_
In the early years of marriage, women are the relationship caretakers. They carefully monitor their relationships to make sure there is enough closeness and connection. If not, women will do what they can to try to fix things. If their husbands aren't responsive, women become extremely unhappy and start complaining about everything under the sun...things that need to get done around the house, responsibilities pertaining to the children, how free time is spent and so on. Unfortunately, when women complain, men generally retreat and the marriage deteriorates even more.

After years of trying unsuccessfully to improve things, a woman eventually surrenders and convinces herself that change isn't possible. She ends up believing there's absolutely nothing she can do because everything she's tried hasn't worked. That's when she begins to carefully map out the logistics of what she considers to be the inevitable, getting a divorce.

While she's planning her escape, she no longer tries to improve her relationship or modify her partner's behavior in any way. She resigns herself to living in silent desperation until "D Day." Unfortunately, her husband views his wife's silence as an indication that "everything is fine." After all, the "nagging" has ceased. That's why, when she finally breaks the news of the impending divorce, her shell-shocked partner replies, "I had no idea you were unhappy."

Then, even when her husband undergoes real and lasting changes, it's often too late. The same impenetrable wall that for years shielded her from pain, now prevents her from truly recognizing his genuine willingness to change. The relationship is in the danger zone._

Is this also what wayward's think?


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I think it should be called wayway/walkaway spouse. It happens with both genders.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> Here's a piece of an article I found on walkaway wives:
> _
> In the early years of marriage, women are the relationship caretakers. They carefully monitor their relationships to make sure there is enough closeness and connection. If not, women will do what they can to try to fix things. If their husbands aren't responsive, women become extremely unhappy and start complaining about everything under the sun...things that need to get done around the house, responsibilities pertaining to the children, how free time is spent and so on. Unfortunately, when women complain, men generally retreat and the marriage deteriorates even more.
> 
> ...


I am not a wayward wife but I do see the point of the article because I have felt this way and I had considered leaving my H (before I knew of his affair) because he ignored me and would not tend to my needs. Little did I know that the reason he did not give me attention was because he was giving it to another. But yes, I can see why a wife would walk away here. I tried to get my H to understand but he never showed any interest. I tried for several months. I did get to the point where I seriously considered leaving him. But, he beat me to it when he started having sex with other women.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

notreadytoquit said:


> I think it should be called wayway/walkaway spouse. It happens with both genders.


You're right in that both genders are frequently guilty of both walking away and being wayward. I think the walkaway wife moniker came as the result of more women now filing for divorce than men.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Hoebag Beotch vs Monster Beotch.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Hoebag Beotch vs Monster Beotch.


That's funny. :lol::lol::lol:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I think my wife would leave if she had a functioning sense of direction. As it is she gets lost in a phone booth which is probably why she's still here.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Idk. It depends on the context. If the WAW leaves cause of abuse or the hub is doing her wrong, then I don't consider he the stereotypical WAW. 

Waywards are usually either cheating or feeling trapped so they give the BS excuses of wanting to reconcile while stringing you along but not committing to the relationship.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I kinda thought my wife was a WAW until I found all the info about waywards. She said that she was going to leave anyway so that's why she cheated and continues to be unfaithful even though we're not divorced yet. If she was a walkaway, wouldn't she have done so without the adultery? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

There must be a third category. Wifey has spent the last four days locked in our bedroom. She emerges infrequently I think to eat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I would consider myself a waywalk wife, I never intended to actually leave but I messed up horribly, I thought about leaving, as my husband planned to leave but cheated. I wonder what a mixture of the two would be. Waywalk is the best I could come up with. I should make it clear I committed the deed as well.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> She said that she was going to leave anyway so that's why she cheated and continues to be unfaithful even though we're not divorced yet. If she was a walkaway, wouldn't she have done so without the adultery?


Not necessarily. But the reason your wife is a wayward, IMO is beause she is STILL cheating and didnt cut it off. Oh and the fact she deflected...by saying "I was going to leave anyway." It's not owning it that makes her a wayward.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Not necessarily. But the reason your wife is a wayward, IMO is beause she is STILL cheating and didnt cut it off. Oh and the fact she deflected...by saying "I was going to leave anyway." It's not owning it that makes her a wayward.


That was my thinking exactly. She has pretty much admitted to dating and all of the other stuff and told our pastor she wasn't gonna stop.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I agree Jelly, I am at present, haven't been for a long time, and will never be again a wayward wife, and I won't be a walkaway wife, I want my marriage, he has to end it. I won't walk away from my family, my marriage, and to people reading this my husband has been a thinking about walk away husband, wayward husband, he actually had been making plans to leave. I do believe honestly that he is doing the right thing, but still leaves some doubt. My husband had told me in the last month or two that his original plan that he was gonna wait til our eldest were 18 so he didn't have to pay so much support, they are 13 and 12, youngest is 6. Grrrrrrr, I had thought about leaving, but never came up with a plan like that.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ Para, that is awful that he's saying he's only staying married til the kids are grown so as to make it better for him financially. 



marksaysay said:


> That was my thinking exactly. She has pretty much admitted to dating and all of the other stuff and told our pastor she wasn't gonna stop.


If she has openly aditted she will not stop, then remove yourself from the situation. Seriously. She will never respect you as a man if you are pining over her while she does her dirt. And she will never experience what life will be w/o you until you are gone so stop dealing w/ her. She outs out, give it to her, 100%. Don't be her safety landing spot.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

@Jelly, he told me that was his plan before the implosion, he told me this awhile ago, that isn't his plan now, he's not sure what he wants right now, now isn't that a common song and dance LOL!!! Keep in mind this was only until the 12 and 13 year old were 18, which would have made my son around 13, what a fantastic example to model for your teenage son, what a fantastic thing to do for your wife, string her along for another 6 years, wasting her life and BAM!!! Second child is 18 cya!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's BS. Him saying he "doesn't know what to do" is a big red flag, girl.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Yup, the good old fog...don't worry I am being very very vigilant, very wary of anything he says, I believe very little of what he says right now, pretty much take it with a grain of salt, just biding my time for now.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

In this day and age spouses who pay support are being increasingly required to pay for dependent health care costs through age 26. Continued ex spousal health care support is also seeing a resurgence. But since you cannot keep an ex spouse on a family plan, it winds up being an out of pocket expense that goes toward a separate plan.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

that would be something for me to educate myself about for sure, anyways...sorry for the threadjack.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> ^ Para, that is awful that he's saying he's only staying married til the kids are grown so as to make it better for him financially.
> 
> 
> 
> If she has openly aditted she will not stop, then remove yourself from the situation. Seriously. She will never respect you as a man if you are pining over her while she does her dirt. And she will never experience what life will be w/o you until you are gone so stop dealing w/ her. She outs out, give it to her, 100%. Don't be her safety landing spot.


Are you familiar with Plan A and Plan B? I'm in plan a. I'm not pining over her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

If you are speaking to me, I am trying a plan a/modified 180 thingee, kind of adapting it to my present situation the best i can.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

paramore said:


> If you are speaking to me, I am trying a plan a/modified 180 thingee, kind of adapting it to my present situation the best i can.


Actually it was directed at jelly. Sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

HAHAHA, that's all good mark.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> Are you familiar with Plan A and Plan B? I'm in plan a. I'm not pining over her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Marriage Builders?

Plan A. Negotiate with WW to start meeting those previously unfulfilled emotional needs of hers that the OM is presently fulfilling so she will end her affair with him.

Unfortunately it takes a great amount of emotional fortitude to endure Plan A in and of itself. Also the success rate in having the WW end the affair is not that great. After all, the WW has the best of both worlds, having her needs met by two different men, and so why should she give it up? For all the talk about boundaries in Plan A, the BH is nothing more than a doormat and is just as attractive - we all know how much women love men who are doormats.

Plan B. Establish no contact with the WW until she expresses a sincere desire to end her affair and commit to rebuilding the marriage.

The problem is that by the time Plan B is implemented, the BH has lost most of the remaining love he has for his WW and if and when the time comes when she really wants to come back, he may have already ran out of gas and be ready to file for divorce.

Lastly, Dr Willard Harley's Plan A/Plan B is a 2 year combo.

Frankly I'm not impressed and mostly because it ignores the BH's personal recovery and assumes that it will come after the marital recovery - if it ever comes.

For a lot of us, our personal recovery comes first and a divorce can often help speed it along.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> Are you familiar with Plan A and Plan B? I'm in plan a. I'm not pining over her.


Very. Personally, I am not really a fan of Plan A if the affair is still on and the wayward has told their spouse they have* no intention of stopping.*

When that is the case, I think Plan B is the only way to go.

When someone won't cut off their affair, Plan A, IMO, just allows for more cake-eating, esp. the longer it's done. And that is poison to a marriage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh an dPlan B isn't just No Contact, IMO. It's saying, "I am not going to be your back up while this is happening so I am not going to be here while you carry on with your boyf/girlf/affair."

It's about SELF-respect.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Pissed off beats Pissed on - any day of the week. Ide rather be dumped than see her humped. 

Life is great for the immoral. I swear to God, there better be a HELL. And I would mind a window in heaven looking right down on it. Not saying im heading there, but I have a better chance than some. LOL


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

twotime, not to thread jack but I looked at your name...I could abbreviate it 2XL....which could imply you are a plus size fellow...sorry I am down and looking for humor wherever I can.....


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

I remember the exact day my wife decided to walk away. She had been planning her exit for years. She dropped the bomb on a Christmas evening. She had reached the point were she convinced herself I was never going to "change". Her attitude towards me was fueled by her ongoing affair. The OM was feeding her emotionally and I was getting all the blame. 

I was blindsided. I knew she had been upset but could not figure out what was going on. She told me with no emotion that she was unhappy and felt we were no longer a partnership and she was moving out.


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