# The difference between cheating with a stranger vs. someone they know...



## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

I'm struggling with this today. Ya know, you're always thinking about something different. At least I do... My WS cheated with a stranger they had used as a model on a business trip after we'd been married eight years, together ten plus with two small kids at home. I'm just wondering what kind of person this makes him. I don't care how drunk he was or what bad of a situation he got himself into, he still went thru with it. It's gross. I tell him in my mind he might as well have slept with a prostitute. 

I've tried to compare this with him to his EA he had years after the ONS. (He still downplays the EA BTW.) I said to him if it was so easy for you to slip and be with a complete stranger, wouldn't it have been easier to be with someone you actually thought you cared about? He denies anything physical with the EA, I'll always have my doubts.

I guess I'm wondering what is worse? Someone who would throw away his family for a BJ (Ya, I know. It was probably more.) with a stranger or actually having feelings for someone and giving in? 

What still boggles my mind is this was a guy that spoke so negatively of strippers, porn... He sure had me fooled. Any guy that sleeps with a stranger fits into that image in my mind and worse he's my husband of seventeen years.


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

My husband had an EA with a girl he met at our son's sport event. He never saw her before but asked for her number and then pursued her until I caught him. I think it's much worse than "falling" into something with a friend, neighbor etc.

So, I agree with you. Tough Situation. If they are capable of that with a stranger what are they capable with doing with someone there is already a friendly relationship with?


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

Wayward/inclined men are more likely to cheat when the opportunity presents itself. So men wait for an opportunity (even if they are the pursuer, they still have to be given sex) so in that case it could be a friend, stranger, neighbor, circus clown.. or whatever.

Wayward/inclined Women (control sex outside of rape) so they create the opportunity, even if they are the pursued. 

So the difference boils down to the amount of hurt caused to you --> for example: him sleeping with your sister would be worse than a ONS with a stranger


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'll take the stranger over the double betrayal of my fWW screwing my "friend".

Since it was both I can say with the up most certainty, that the douple betrayal was the worst part. Its the fact that the friend played off of the already unhealthy marriage he knew about. Were as the strange has no idea what the dynamics of the M are and is just out to get laid, for all he knows is its an open marriage, has no clue on how meesed up the M is.

The key word to all of this is the "double" betrayal.


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## JustMe321 (May 9, 2012)

My WH cheated with coworkers. Women I never met. Although neither were ONS, one of the few things I am grateful for is that they did not know me or I them. If either one had been my friend...heck had even been introduced to me, it would have been even worse for me.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I personally could get over a ONS with a random person.....a longterm EA or PA with someone I knew or close would be much much harder for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

the guy said:


> I'll take the stranger over the double betrayal of my fWW screwing my "friend".
> 
> Since it was both I can say with the up most certainty, that the douple betrayal was the worst part. Its the fact that the friend played off of the already unhealthy marriage he knew about. Were as the strange has no idea what the dynamics of the M are and is just out to get laid, for all he knows is its an open marriage, has no clue on how meesed up the M is.
> 
> The key word to all of this is the "double" betrayal.


It's very difficult to speculate on this unless BOTH happened to you. But I guess it would be worse if the person your WS cheated with knew you personally. I still have a lot of anger toward the OM because of this. He even had the gall to say he considered me one of his very few friends. Okay, dude.


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## OddOneOut (May 13, 2012)

Its much worse if they are a friend or have some kind of emotional connection with the person. When I found out about my husband cheating with hookers from craigslist I was devastated but told myself you know what its just physical. Yeah, its ****ed up but there's not emotional connection to them. Then when I found out about a week later that he was seeing one of our friends that's when it really hit home. They were both betraying me and seeing each other after we would hang out and do things together.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I don't have to speculate at all it is for sure alot easier in my case to deal with fWW strange and ONS's, then the good friend I gave a job to. In the middle of the spectrum is the guy's I didn't know but she had spent some weeks with. At the most a couple of months but still the double betrayal those few times was worse then a dozen ONS's.


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## jen1020 (Dec 18, 2011)

Hi Hurtingbadly

I get where you are coming from, my stbxh got a bj from a prostitute.

I'm not sure it is a true comparison, comparing a ons with a stranger than someone you know. They aren't the same.

If it was someone he knew, you have all the emotional connections and comparisons which would hurt like hell.

On the other hand, if your husband doesn't know the other person, and they go with a prostitute, or a random woman they have hooked up with, then it seems so cold and callous and self centred.

In my situation it made me wonder if my husband had any respect for women. That he was able to not think twice about doing something so sleazy. He had already shown me that he didn't have much respect for me or any other people during our marriage and now this? 

Would I have preferred if it had been someone he had known, like a co-worker etc? No, but at least at would have shown that he was human.

Best wishes

Jen


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