# 10 down the drain



## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

I meant to tittle this "10 Years down the drain"

well here it goes, nothing different from anybody else going through this but sometimes letting it out helps

we met back in '03, she was 16 i was 22.... we move pretty fast, but seem right at the time, we dated, honestly didnt think it would last that long, but it went on, got married right out of high school, and moved in, everything was great, we even tatted our names on each other, in '06 had our first and only kid (the light of my life) 

we would argue but never was something too crazy, then in '09 i started talking to another chick, YET never really got physical she lives in CO. i live in NY, she came to visit NY and we had lunch the couple time she came, but it was just that, the I started rethinking my marriage, i got distant and started to think and figure out what i really want, so i snapped out of it, i realized i was married to a good woman, and i truly didnt want to hurt her in any way, she was *****y and always complaining about anything yet i put up with it cus deep down i really love her.

there was a time when one of my brothers moved in and that kind of make things bad between me and the wife, but then i kicked him out for disrespecting her

we always joked about leaving each other and acted like it was no big deal, but i should've known that was a sign

time past and obviously, we barely made money so we got stuck in the routine of go to work-come home-clean-go to bed, i always helped around the house, cleaned, did laundry, help with my son, she would cook and i would clean after, times she would ask for new clothes even if i had no money i would open a credit card just for it, later down the road we go deep in debt, she would be depress cus she said that we could never save money or anything about financial, she started online school got loans and instead of paying that she would use the money for other stuff

i cant say that im the perfect husband but i know i was good to her, never complaint if she wanted to go out with friends as long as she told me who her friends were

'10 makes friends with this lady, mainly cus shes got kids my sons age, so for them as play dates, but the become closer, and start going out, one night they go out, and before she leaves she says shes depress, i tell her she'll get over it, and to not worry (turns out she was already pulling away from me and that im depressed means im not sure if i want to be with you anymore)

she comes back that night @ 3am, wakes me up just to ask me if the dogs were fed and goes to sleep in the couch, her excuse was that she was going to the gym early in the am, later that day we go out with my son to eat, i see 2 roses in the car, she tells me that those were for her friend, but im not stupid, no guy will give 2 roses to one woman so i knew one was for her.

later that day i ask her about the roses, she says yes one was for me, but i didnt tell you because i knew you would get upset, then comes the bomb, i need space, i want to miss you, but i dont know how

i take my son to the park and im down, but i keep my head up and think of all the things i can do to make it work, i dont give her space and she says forget it, i dont want space, we keep up and of course again fall into the routine

april '11 i keep asking whats wrong and eventually she tells me that she wants space, that she lost herself and wants to try to do something for herself, because all this time she was doing for us and she feels like she cant do anything, i get angry and said why does she feel that way when i wasnt a demanding husband nor abusive, she had freedom and she could do anything she wanted to do, but dont ruin the marriage, i start going nuts, she leaves to be alone and goes for a drive, i start tracking her, to see what im against, she comes back stays in her room most of the time, the situation becomes awkward, i keep begging her to be with me and says that she cant at the moment, i get angry, sad, i cry, i plead and then i just dont say anything, one of my friends told me at the moment, act indifferent and you'll see she'll come to her senses, i tried my hardest but i couldnt do it, she made friends with other guys at the gym, and went out a couple of times while i stayed with my son, killed me but i couldnt say anything, kept pushing and asked for a second chance, again wrong move

june 22nd '11 man i remember this like it was yesterday, i was at work, and i had a feeling something was up, i tracked her and bam, shes at a hotel, with somebody else, i drive to there and she was shocked, i knew everything about the guy, i pretty much scared the crap out of him and he left, all she kept saying is that we were not together anymore, thank god i have a son or else i would have done some crazy stuff then

i searched on her computer, and i see shes already searching for divorce, she was angry at the fact that i showed up at the hotel and was serious about filing, i kept it cool after all, and decided to move back with my brother, kept going everyday to see my son, and bought stuff that was needed for the apartment, groceries, i would buy dinner, or stuff like that, she asked me if i had the marriage license, i asked her why she need it for, made up some lame excuse, i gave it to her, i knew what she was doing, and there was nothing i could do, one night she comes to me and tells me that how would i feel giving her $250 a week for child support, i flipped out and told her she was out of her mind, the kid doesnt use up to $250 a week, i told her i'd give her $150 and thats me being nice, if she couldnt afford to have him, he could come to me, (i get pay half cash and half check, so she cant even get more than $74 a week) dont get me wrong, i'd spend my last penny in my kid if i have to, but i wont let her take me for all i have.

for months i kept asking for a second chance and i got nothing from it, i couldnt bare with the pain, i even thought of killing myself, but once i went to my sons school i realized i couldnt do that to my kid, i was raised with no parents, so why do that to him, after 5 months of begging i gave up and started focusing on my son, had a fb account which i had her as a friend too, i started adding people i knew but never did for respect to her, one chick who told me had a crush on me, started commenting on pics, my wife saw it and started calling me, that day i picked up my son, and she called me to tell me to not take my son to other chicks place, i told her to not call me for that and she was taking away the time i was spending with my son, and hung up, an hour later she calls me again, asking me where i met this girls and they looked better than her, and asking why cant she see my friends, that why was giving the time of day to other girls instead of her, that she thought i was different and that i only had eyes for her, then she says, i want to start again, i regret it, i instantly say ok lets do it, but in the back of my head im thinking its not going to work, things go ok, spend the holidays together, she seemed happy, xmas comes she was asking for an ipad for the longest, but i couldnt afford it, i give her $300 but according to her i didnt make the efford to give her something that she was asking for, so i went out of my way and stop a few payments on my bills and got her the ipad, and we never mention anything about the past, yet we never talk about which direction we are heading

Jan '13 i started feeling suspicious about something fishy, she kept her phone with her at all times, BUT she was very affectionate with me so i was maybe its nothing, i got pws to her icloud and phone bill, i saw a number under one of her friends name, yet, i never called it, one morning she decided to do laundry and while shes there with me, she gets a call, said it was her friend, leaves 5 minutes later, i log onto her phone account and there it is that one number, i start to think ther worst, and i decide to call it, a guy answers, i hung up, and go on take a shower to leave to work, at this moment i dont want to say anything but i could never be fake and put up a fake front, she notices right away something is wrong with me, asks me and i say nothing, just want to go to work, then i break and asked her if it was really her female friend calling her, she said no, so right away i say im moving out and theres no way i want to be in disrespectful marriage

that day she calls me non stop, and asks me to come after work to talk, she said that she was sorry and she should have told me about the calls, says that wants to try things, i tell her that i dont want to be wondering who shes talking all the time and is better for me to move out, it hurts but its better this way, she said that she hopes time apart will help and compares her situation to her friend who left her BD to go and **** around and came back to him and realized she loved him, i told her that the difference between me and her friend, is that i know whats going on, and who knows what will happen, she said that she doesnt want to divorce me and has hope, i told her that either we stick together and work at it or we call it quits once and for all

days past and i was drinking heavily and smoking a pack a day, something i dont do, but the stress and pain are too heavy for me at the moment

i checked her phone records and the day i was trying to have a heart to heart, as soon as i left she called him, so im sure i was the joke of the day

i've tried my hardest to not say anything but my feelings get the best out of me, yesterday being Vday, i went and got her a shirt and a card, which after i relized it was a mistake, and i shouldnt have done it, she read the card and didnt show any emotion, i put my son to sleep, and i took the card with me, burned it

i cut the days short to see my son, twice a week and i put him on the bus to school Monday through Thursday, i take him with me every other weekend, but its killing me

she still has the divorce papers from the last time, and i know she looked at them already, but who knows what shes planning


i dont know what to do, part of me wants to work it out, part of me doesnt, the fact that theres other guy is just harder on me, i know she thinks the grass is greener on the side, and she will find out the hard way, i dont know why, but i have a feeling that she will regret it, as for now theres nothing i can do but sit back and watch the show


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

50 Better Ones To Look Fwd To
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

I am torn. You started with the emotional affair long before she did it sounds. And 150 a week, is really not a lot for child support. I would have a freak out fit if my husband suggested it. I pay 100 a week for their health insurance, plus doctor visits and not counting food, I'm already at 150 a week. Children make bills. They are not cheap. They need clothed and fed. 

If things weren't good back then, and you were looking, even if you sucked it up for the sake of the marriage, it does not sound like you ever resolved the issues that caused you to stray initially. Even if she doesn't know, she does know. So why would you blame her for looking elsewhere? 

But just because 74 a week is what you can legally be responsible for, does not make it proper child support. 

You both need some therapy to discover who you are, she was 16 and you were 22. That's a huge age gap, at that age, and probably a clue that it would make things difficult. She is now sowing those wild oats she didn't get to sow as a kid. I'm not sure how it will resolve for you, but I hope you both can figure out a way to peace.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

I understand completely about the emotional affair, i take full responsibility for my actions, it doesnt justify the outcome

as far as child support goes, shes got a shopping habit and expects me to pay for everything my son needs, which i have no problem with, anything for my kid, what i said to her that anything he needs we should go 50/50, clothes, health bills anything, as a man i can do it too, but im not trying to be a dummy about it

when we were back together, i was paying for everything in the house, from utility bills, to car payments, insurance everything, i would end my week with $30 to $50 left, i was living paycheck by paycheck, while she would have $400 in her account and sometimes $200 cash, it wasnt fair, but whats done its done

BTW the guy shes talking to is 35 thats a bigger gap there, but i wish her the best


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

You could always set up an account that is specifically for your child's needs and receipts must be kept at years end to prove she isn't spending money on frivolity.

The age gap now is not as big of a deal, as when she was 16 though. 20 something's are not in the same place socially or intellectually as 16 year old high school kids. Where as 20 someone's and 30 something's could be. 

And the mom in me would be angry...but the 16 year old who dated a 21 year old in me understands lol. In our defense, he was held back a year and I was ahead a year so we were really only a year or two apart socially, and we both went to the same high school. But um...yeah...see, stop making me contradict myself lol.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Expose the affair


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Expose the affair


i did, mainly cus i dont know if she was making me look like the bad guy, i told her father, and he was shocked, i just want to be at peace with her fam, hes 100% on my side but i told to not say nor do anything

with her mom, i told her too, mainly cus last time we separated everybody though i was the bad guy, i made the mistake of not talking to her mom and being antisocial, not this time

did they tell her? i wouldnt know, but it looks like i got nothing to lose anymore, im throwing in the towel, and let her do her thing, i was good to her, made efforts and i know not every guy she talks to now will do, i got to focus on my kid and i, nothing else matters


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Jntrs said:


> i did, mainly cus i dont know if she was making me look like the bad guy, i told her father, and he was shocked, i just want to be at peace with her fam, hes 100% on my side but i told to not say nor do anything
> 
> with her mom, i told her too, mainly cus last time we separated everybody though i was the bad guy, i made the mistake of not talking to her mom and being antisocial, not this time
> 
> did they tell her? i wouldnt know, but it looks like i got nothing to lose anymore, im throwing in the towel, and let her do her thing, i was good to her, made efforts and i know not every guy she talks to now will do, i got to focus on my kid and i, nothing else matters


How about posOMW?


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

i doubt it does anything, im pretty sure he knows already, and to be honest hes taking advantage of the situation, shes an easy prey right now, besides, i want her to learn that the grass isnt greener on the other side the hard way, im the only one shes been with, so i rather just sit back and watch the show, in the mean time i will do the 180

thanks for the replies


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Jntrs said:


> i doubt it does anything, im pretty sure he knows already, and to be honest hes taking advantage of the situation, shes an easy prey right now, besides, i want her to learn that the grass isnt greener on the other side the hard way, im the only one shes been with, so i rather just sit back and watch the show, in the mean time i will do the 180
> 
> thanks for the replies


What about his wife?


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

Conrad said:


> What about his wife?


i dont know if hes married or not, its easy for me to find out and follow him, but again, its matter of time, why waste my time on that, my ex wouldnt want to deal with that, but its something she needs to learn and figure out on her own, they talk at all times of the day, so who knows if hes actually married or not

again she will learn the hard way


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Jntrs said:


> i dont know if hes married or not, its easy for me to find out and follow him, but again, its matter of time, why waste my time on that, my ex wouldnt want to deal with that, but its something she needs to learn and figure out on her own, they talk at all times of the day, so who knows if hes actually married or not
> 
> again she will learn the hard way


Hey, I'm not going to argue if you don't care.

Good luck to you.

All I can tell you is, my wife starts banging posOM behind my back, posOM's wife would hear about it pronto.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Hey, I'm not going to argue if you don't care.
> 
> Good luck to you.
> 
> All I can tell you is, my wife starts banging posOM behind my back, posOM's wife would hear about it pronto.


i hear you, and i know what you mean, now you put that in my head, ill see how it goes in the next couple of weeks


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Jntrs said:


> i hear you, and i know what you mean, now you put that in my head, ill see how it goes in the next couple of weeks


She doesn't think you have the balls to do it.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

lol funny you mention, i've shown to have them, first separation she seen it, when i scared the crap out the guy, but once again, what if the guy is single? that would be some crap

what im trying to do here is being civil, and keep it together for my son, i dont want to do anything to f that up, at the moment 

as long as my son's well being is good, she can crash and die for all i care


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Dude, OM IS NOT THE ENEMY HERE! - They are never the one's responsible for the affair! It's your wife who is CRAZY.

Hear me out! 

You said.....

*"there was a time when one of my brothers moved in and that kind of make things bad between me and the wife, but then i kicked him out for disrespecting her"*
Was he disrespectful to her in the beginning, or did she push his buttons until she had a good enough excuse for you to kick him out so she could isolate you from support. 

*"we always joked about leaving each other and acted like it was no big deal, but i should've known that was a sign"*
Let me guess... She joked around with you, then later acted like you were serious and made you apologize or she acted even sweeter to make sure you wouldn't leave her. 

*"time past and obviously, we barely made money so we got stuck in the routine of go to work-come home-clean-go to bed, i always helped around the house, cleaned, did laundry, help with my son, she would cook and i would clean after, times she would ask for new clothes even if i had no money i would open a credit card just for it, later down the road we go deep in debt, she would be depress cus she said that we could never save money or anything about financial, she started online school got loans and instead of paying that she would use the money for other stuff"*
Who the hell does this? She's an adult with how many children and she can't even take responsibility for the money she's spending. Sure, she made a half assed attempt to go to school but you saw what happened there..... She DID NOT WANT TO PITCH IN FINANCIALLY! I ask you what kind of woman does this? Answer: A selfish immature spoiled brat, I can't even call her a princess because people from royalty usually have a lot of money. All your money was shared and her money was her, eh. 

Dude, about this OM.....If anything this guy is being played by your wife and believes their relationship will be different than yours once he has her. What you see now is starting the act all over with him to get another man who will put up with her and enable her the way she wants. Face it, you are the ABUSED VICTIM in a crazy relationship and you're not too far off from where I was.... without the children. You know how I know this? Because I've seen this story hundreds of times on other sites like, Shrink4men.com. Read this article! Gold Digger in Disguise: The Damsel in Distress | Shrink4Men
And I was there myself working my ass off and sinking into depression because I thought I was a horrible guy for not making my ex wife happy. News flash, she was never happy due in part to what her father did to her and trying to make her happy was a mission impossible. 

And you know what I learned from divorcing her..... The woman you're seeing now is THE REAL WOMAN YOU MARRIED. If she's depressed fine, plenty of people get depressed and don't cheat or ruin your credit score... They get help, get meds, exercise, and get on with their lives. Your wife however will not be happy no matter how much abuse you take off from her, or "work things out with her" because she can never truely love herself the way you can. You stopped drinking and smoking pot and she still thinks your a loser. F*CK HER! I know plenty of other woman who would appreciate you for everything you are and everything you bring to a HEALTHY FUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP with a woman who PULLS HER FREAKIN WEIGHT. 

Seriously, I'm not ragging on you, but I do want to to stop abusing yourself and check out shrink4men.com. I will eat my hat if you don't see your story being scary close to stories of countless men and women there.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

One last longwinded piece of advice I can give you.


The scenario where she comes back like you wanted won't happen for about 6 month to a year, and even then she's going to try to convince you that you destroyed your relationship and she's the victim. And she is going to come with a big list of demands - "I will give YOU (faithful husband) a second chance if you are willing to submit to my demands and take all the abuse I can give you, and you better thank me for spending my time with you!". Abusive relationships are universal in how they develop. Working backwards you'll see the stages I've labled #1-5.

#5 You're devalued in every way imaginable after she leaves and made to feel that her affair was all your fault. She may even attempt to "hoover" you or contact you attempting to suck you in so she has someone to use for parasitic emotional support.... That's where she keeps you hanging on with the temptation of reconciliation but only manages to get you show how much you care about her while she's off f*cking some deadbeat loser. 

#4 She pushes you to change yourself for her benefit, get psychological help for being to "needy" or "angry" (because your needs aren't important to her), go to marriage counseling where a sympathetic ear can tell how to make her happy and ignore your own needs..... God forbid the MC takes your side and gets fired on the spot.... or I think in this case it was for you to stop drinking, stop smoking pot, and give her more money to spend on herself while magically finding a way to support your family and pay bills. 

#3 She starts criticizing you over nothing and then goes back to being sickeningly sweet for a while. You're called/texted 10 or more times a day and just about every sentence out of her some declaration of "I love you" or "You're special". When you push her away she cries over you not loving her enough, or she get's seriously jealous with you talking to anyone else who may pull you away from her programming..... Like family, church members, work, waitresses, and pets. Nevermind her friends, siblings, pets, coworkers seem to be her best friends forever one moment and enemies the next. 

#2 Soon after you start dating she qualifies you as "the one" for her and jokes about marriage to see if you're level of interest isn't put off by her speedy approach. She places you on a pedestal and tells you how wonderful you are for doing nothing to deserve it, you have sex withing the first week of meeting her and kiss everywhere in public. She introduces you to friends and family as her boyfriend like she's showing off a new puppy before even get to resist her decision. If you met her friends at this point it's likely they acted like they wanted to see your other shoe drop before trusting you. 

#1 First you're tested with a lot of baited questions so see if your answers are what she looking for in a man. She touches you... A LOT! She may even share secrets about her life to get you trust her early on and see if you'll do the same. You hear how she's been mistreated by jerks throughout her life and told you're somehow different, "you're special!" And you decide you're going to be the one to show her true love for once and be her knight in shinning armor.

Do you see the signs now? The roses she got from some love-struck jerk willing to believe her, and no doubt he thinks he's going to save her FROM YOU! The way she acts happy like she doesn't have a care in the world - Because she's got a new play thing she can attach all of her wellbeing to, or devalue him for making her feel bad. I bet you head that one a lot, eh.... "You made me do it." And the way she devalues you anytime you seem happy, because crazy can't stand that you're able to handle your emotions normally and she can't. I saw this myself when I asked my wife if she wanted help cleaning and she screetched at me telling me to "Get out. Just get out" in front of her mother who was standing there like "WTF!?" The best tools I can give you are the three Cs and the thee Gs from "Stop Walking on Eggshells". 

Memorize the three Cs and the three Gs:
• I didn’t cause it.
• I can’t control it.
• I can’t cure it.
• get off her back.
• get out of her way.
• get on with your own life.

And then the advice from "Stop your divorce". Agree with her whenever she blames you to disarm her attack, and no matter what act like you don't care about divorce so she will stop trying to hoover you, test your puttons, or get any satisfaction of having her husband and her boyfriend frighting over her.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

wow you pretty much hit the nail on the head

couple of weeks ago i wore a shirt that was made to the armstrong case, the shirt said "lie strong" of course i wore it on purpose, she called me the next day asking me if i had something to say, i said no, so she goes on and tells me that why i wore that shirt, i said if the shoe fits the wear it, she said that we both should take responsibility for what happened, i said to her that if it made her feel good about her decision then ill take the blame for it, i found a vday card, i thought it would be for me, lol silly me i was wrong, then just today i found another card from the OM, but i really dont want her back anymore, all i want is to laugh on her face when she wants to come back, im waiting for that day just for that, and i want my kid to be ok

thanks for your replies, you really open my eyes, even though i love her, i know shes not the one i want, i just want to have the last laugh, which im pretty sure i will, its just of matter of time, as far as me, yes it hurts, but i got to get on with my life and take care of my kid, i started burning the tatt, it feels good burning it 

btw, i dont smoke pot, i started smoking cigarettes and drinking because of this situation, but im slowly coming out if, shes not my problem, its the OM's now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

If your objective is the last laugh, you won't get it.

That means your focus is on her.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Sounds like she was starting a fight to aleviate her own guilt and picked the first thing she found "wrong" with you. You know I remember while we were divorcing and I came down to see my ex with, to make sure she didn't screw me. One night I was with her I wore these Coca-Cola pj bottoms and a Cocoa cola shirt before bed stopped by her room to say "Good night". She actually tried to criticize me for wearing brands all the time and matching clothes. I was like (in my head) "WTF, THAT'S YOUR ARGUMENT!? That's the last thing you want to say to me tonight!?".

BTW if she tries this with you once, she will try it again until she gets under your skin. Your best bet is to look at her with a blank stare and act like you don't care either way. She will try to attack you at first, then probably cry and play the "You hate me don't you?" crap, but don't fall for any of these games. If you know what she's trying to pull and resist her you will regain a lot of the power you lost in the relationship.

Dude, stop smoking pot, stop drinking ASAP! You're not out of the woods yet and these substances can keep you from getting custody if she tries something dirty in court. If you even get ONE DUI or ONE DWI she could use that against you and keep you from seeing your children without a long legal battle and thousands of dollars wasted to prove you are a good father.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

Conrad: you made a good point, i should focus on me and my child


nsweet: i figured she would try to blame me for her acting that way, funny thing i know her too well, i gave her an ipad for xmas i wonder if i should ask for it lol, i took a Bluetooth i gave her too, if she wants to use that to talk to the Om she can buy herself one lol

but i know her too well, as far as me smoking pot, i dont, i do drink but i walk and the bar is a block from where i live, im aware her taking me to court and try to fck me over with child custody and child support but id fight for my kid, just last night my kid cried cus i didnt go with him, we have a good bond, and she knows that anything stupid agains my kid she will only be hurting him, my kid always preferred me over her, when he was a baby and would wake up for his bottle, he would prefer me doing it for him and push her out of the away, it was a good feeling, still is, for the simple fact tHat i get on the floor and play with him

i dont know if anything made sense, im kind of tipsy and trying to talk to this other girl while typing this lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I suggest you check out shrink4men.com. If anyone could benefit from that site and the similar stories on it, that person would be you.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

Nsweet said:


> I suggest you check out shrink4men.com. If anyone could benefit from that site and the similar stories on it, that person would be you.


i did, just havent got time to fully check it out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

so here's an update.

this been going on for 3 month, which i completely ignored her and i only talked to her in regards to my son.

i knew she was going out and having her fun, 3/18/13 was her birthday, after trying to do something for her on v-day i gave up, and didn't acknowledge her for her birthday, which looked like it hurt her in a way, yet she was still going out with this guy, previous to that we had an argument and said that i had a crappy attitude, and i didn't do anything for her in the whole relationship, which i decided not to argue with her and agreed to anything she said to me.

then 2 days after her birthday i get a text asking me if we could talk, i replied and said that why would she want to talk to a person with a crappy attitude and that never did anything for her for 10 years, so she didn't want to talk anymore, i kept wondering what she wanted to talk about but i never asked, and let it go

then one night that i went to see my son, after she got there and my son was asleep, i left, sends me a text to come back up to talk, i wasn't going to but i went, talked about my sons Parents Teacher Conference, kept it brief and she then mentions that it hurt her that i didn't even acknowledge her for her birthday, all i said was, "for the reaction i got on V-Day when i got you something, why would i bother for your birthday, looks like you already have somebody to celebrate it with anyways, and i really do hope he makes you happy, because its obvious i didn't" then i left

so after that i went dark, didn't contacted her at all unless it was about my son or anything that he needed, 2 weeks ago i went to drop him off and her mother was there, i talked to her with no problem but when my ex tried to talk to me, i gave her short answers and didn't look at her at all

this past Saturday i go to pick my son up, and i mentioned that she needs to change his diet because he's getting chubby, she took it the wrong way and tried to put words in my mouth, i didn't want to argue, so i left with my son, after a few hours she texts me asking me why I'm so upset about and i replied that it didn't matter, and left it alone, couple hours after texts me asking me to talk to her, but i didn't reply, then she does what she has never done since the whole thing started, she asks to talk to my son and say good night, that's when i knew something was up

Last night when i when to drop off my son, she was there alone but didn't say much, after a while i put my son to sleep, and was ready to go, i didn't really want to talk so i tried to walk right out the door, but she then stops me and tells me to talk, so i stand there, she asks me to sit down but i don't, and pretty much wont talk to me till i sit down, so i finally sat down, and then asked me why am i so upset, i straight up told her that i hate her for what shes done to me and the family, she said that she misses me and she wishes i showed more affection so she wouldn't feel alone, i got tired of repeating what I've already said before, so i got up and tried to leave, she pulls me and blocks the door, asks me if i really hate her, and i said yes, asks me to look at her on the eyes and tell her that i hate her, i do it but i some what i smiled, then she tries to kiss me but i decline.... 


at this point i don't know what to do, and there's lots to think about, the 180 did help to detach but i don't think I'm fully detached yet

so that was the little update so far


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Do you want her back?


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

i noticed that money is tight for her right now, so i dont know if shes really trying to work things out cus of money, i also notice that she still talks to the OM but not as much as she used to (she doesnt know i know these things)

so for me to get back with her right now, is pretty much not what i want, for the simple fact that it could happen again, and maybe shes trying to see if she can get back with me anytime she wants, just a thought


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Jntrs said:


> i noticed that money is tight for her right now, so i dont know if shes really trying to work things out cus of money, i also notice that she still talks to the OM but not as much as she used to (she doesnt know i know these things)
> 
> so for me to get back with her right now, is pretty much not what i want, for the simple fact that it could happen again, and maybe shes trying to see if she can get back with me anytime she wants, just a thought


I like the way you think. Just sit back and watch. Why make a decision when you don't have to.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

GutPunch said:


> I like the way you think. Just sit back and watch. Why make a decision when you don't have to.


When she pours it out to you, the first sentence out of your mouth has to be...

"PosOM has to go - forever"

When you stand up to her, you'll be able to tell by her reaction where you stand.

If she hedges, let her go back to where she is.

AND... do not pay her to leave you.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

ReGroup said:


> 50 Better Ones To Look Fwd To
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for stopping me from adding something negative with a positive way to look at the situation.

The years behind me seem like a waste but that hopefully will take on a different perspective over time and I have to admit I like the look of the future.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

Conrad said:


> When she pours it out to you, the first sentence out of your mouth has to be...
> 
> "PosOM has to go - forever"
> 
> ...


well looks like she stopped talking to the OM cold turkey, and deleted him from her contacts, shes being nice trying to offer me food and what not, talk to me about random things, but i still hold back, we have yet to talk, i still don't know what to do, there's lots to think about, i mean i want my family back but at the same time i don't want to get hurt, my friend told me to go back with my guard up and take it day by day and if she doesn't seem to change or be committed then call it quits and leave


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

just read your thread dude she is not good for you, you are always going to be the fall back plan. how do you know she quit him cold turkey and not the other way around? maybe she wanted a serious relationship with him and all he wanted was the booty call.

just my .02 cents


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

See, affairs never last as long as the marriage. There's no real friendship or healthy boundaries left after the homeymoon fizzles out. And it looks like that's exactly what happened here...... But as I told Frostflower, there's going to a chance that they might pick back up with the affair up to 3 years from now. You'll have to trusting, but keep an eye on her when she starts to get comfortable with you or pull away. 

Your firend was 100% correct. You should give her half a chance and show appreciation for her efforts to be kind to you, but at the same time you're basically starting all over again so you don't want to trust her too soon. What that means for you is a good six months of taking it day by day and slowly, I mean slowly, start to trust her again. She needs to feel like she's winning you over again and that while you're accepting some but not all of her advances in this relationship you're not cold-heartedly rejecting her.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

terrence4159 said:


> just read your thread dude she is not good for you, you are always going to be the fall back plan. how do you know she quit him cold turkey and not the other way around? maybe she wanted a serious relationship with him and all he wanted was the booty call.
> 
> just my .02 cents


i know what you mean, also keep in mind that shes been asking me to talk for the last few weeks and i have ignored her for the same reason that she was still talking to him, im almost positive that he was pressuring her to either commit or who knows what, and she hates that, but thanks for make look at it that way too

i also noticed that she got rid of the valentines card and also the perfume she got from him, i look at the details, so i still dont know what to make out of it, tomorrow we're suppose to talk we'll see how that goes if im actually up for it

also, my boss told me to shoot for the stars, but if i do, i will sound like a complete ahole, told me to demand stuff, which is not my nature, but i guess i wont lose anything by trying, we'll see how this goes


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