# How will a girl im dating react to me rtelling her im living with a different women!!



## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Started dating a new girl..going good so far..its very early on still,but something has come up in my life where i need to move to diff apartment(bad roommates,lol) i want to buy house and can pretty much afford it, but wanna wait till my daughter graduates college next may. I pay her rent as my ex, who is evil, stopped helping my daughter with rent.. So im making sure my daughter has a place to live and is not on the street..Soooo i found it cheaper for me to get a 2 bed/2 bath and live with my best friend who happens to be female..We actually dated for a few weeks last yr and are best friends...just didnt mesh well!! i am going to tell current girl im dating about this this weekend when i see her. We have hung out a few times, just wasnt the right place or time to talk about that.. Like last time we hung out we went to a concert...Just a lil nervy how she will react. I think she will be fine with it, im very open and honest and know she trusts me, just tiny bit nervy though


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Your best friend is a female? You might as well give up on dating now, finding someone decent while having even "none best friend" female friends will be extremely difficult.

Ask yourself, would you date a woman that has male best friend of male friends?

Better yet, one that LIVES with one? YEAH

Let me ask you this. Would you ever bang your "best friend" or ever consider it? Is she attractive?

I simply don't believe in male/female friendships. Man will not be friends with a girl they don't find attractive or wouldn't bang (not ALL, but most). Of course, there is ALWAYS exceptions to that rule, but in my life I haven't seen/or found that exception yet.

Also, why in the world are you supporting your daughter. She is old enough to take care of herself.....she is NO LONGER your responsibility. Be supportive and all but don't pay her way thru life, that would be a failure as a parent (if you ask me).

The goal of parenthood is to prepare your child for the real world and enable them to be contributing members of society and take care of themselves.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

There's no way you will know how she will react until you tell her but I certainly wouldn't LIE about it. 

I have a feeling she may feel a wee bit strange about it.

Because DUH.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Honestly, I wouldn't be thrilled to find out that the guy I'm dating is moving into a house with his female best friend (who is also an ex). There's just too much drama and too few boundaries in that whole setup for my personal taste. I would break it off with the guy if that situation ever came up.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

She is an EX too? This thread just went to a WHOLE new galaxy.....

WOW


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DoF said:


> She is an EX too? This thread just went to a WHOLE new galaxy.....
> 
> WOW


Oh you missed that part? 

That was the icing, DoF.



I've told this story before but I dated a guy who was best friends with a female. He also worked with her. And would mention her all the time. Then, on one of our dates it came out that she was his ex. Like, his first, real long relationship, first love, entire she-bang-ex. We did not last long at all. And I chuckled when he told me his last relationship ended because that chick couldn't deal with "how close" he was to his ex; and that the ex's husband (yes, she was married) had odd feelings towards him.

Um. Okay.

I wished him well.

Bye.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

DoF said:


> Your best friend is a female? You might as well give up on dating now, finding someone decent while having even "none best friend" female friends will be extremely difficult.
> 
> Ask yourself, would you date a woman that has male best friend of male friends?
> 
> ...


i would never touch her!!!! its not like that at all.Even if i was drunk, i wouldnt touch her!! not even going to comment on the paying for daughter.. that not what my post is about


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Fish, you may never touch her but the thing is, your girlfriend very well may not be ok with this, and if she is not, then over and out. 

I do wonder though: how would you feel if a woman you are dating told you she is going to move in with her male best friend...who is also her ex? Be honest.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Just be open and honest about it. I don't think it's a big deal, personally, if you have earned her trust.

How is it any different than living with your sister?

ETA: Okay, just saw the part about its being an ex . . .


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

FishKing said:


> i would never touch her!!!! its not like that at all.Even if i was drunk, i wouldnt touch her!! not even going to comment on the paying for daughter.. that not what my post is about


I didn't ask you that though.

Answer the question, actually you don't have to. Because since she is your Ex, I already know that you have certain level of attraction towards her.

Why in the world are you friends with your Ex, that's just weird and bizarre.

Until you rid of this cancer, you will never EVER EVER EVER find a quality woman. You might find girls.....but not a woman you WANT.

good luck


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Fish, you may never touch her but the thing is, your girlfriend very well may not be ok with this, and if she is not, then over and out.
> 
> I do wonder though: how would you feel if a woman you are dating told you she is going to move in with her male best friend...who is also her ex? Be honest.


ok i get it, i dated a diff girl before that had a male roommate that i questioned it!!! she said they were friends, but dunno..


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Oh you missed that part?
> 
> That was the icing, DoF.
> 
> ...


You know, even if she wasn't his ex.......chances are, in the end it would've caused drama and conflict. 

Lesson learned


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

jld said:


> Just be open and honest about it. I don't think it's a big deal, personally, if you have earned her trust.
> 
> How is it any different than living with your sister?


This "best friend" is also someone he was in a romantic/sexual relationship with - _last year_. A lot of people actually wouldn't be all that happy to have their partner moving in with an ex. If his girlfriend is down with it, good for them. But he needs to be aware that many women would not be okay with the situation he proposes.

ETA: just saw that you'd missed the part about his being an ex. And, as you pointed out, that certainly changes things...


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

FishKing said:


> ok i get it, i dated a diff girl before that had a male roommate that i questioned it!!! she said they were friends, but dunno..


That's the thing, you can trust someone 100%, but the doubt will ALWAYS be there.

Whenever you have 2 opposite sex around, and if there is ANY attraction present, in time........risk is HIGH. And again, when a male has a "friend" of opposite sex, they wouldn't have that status unless there was attraction.

I don't care how strong one might be. It's simple human chemistry/nature.



Also, I have a feeling you still have some unresolved things with your Ex, or else, she wouldn't be your "friend".

I would recommend settling that prior to getting involved in any other relationships.

Make it or break it. There is no middle. If you decide to end it, cut it off for good, or never find a decent woman again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DoF said:


> You know, even if she wasn't his ex.......chances are, in the end it would've caused drama and conflict.
> 
> Lesson learned


Oh it was already causing problems which is why I axed it. I just know that that type of situation doesn't work for me. I'm not interested in dating men who are thisclose to their ex. Lesson learned. I felt like I broke up with both of them when we ended it because she was so present the entire time. Lol.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

DoF said:


> I didn't ask you that though.
> 
> Answer the question, actually you don't have to. Because since she is your Ex, I already know that you have certain level of attraction towards her.
> 
> ...


We went on like 3 dates to eat,was no big deal, decided we were not a match and just became friends.. Few weeks went by and we hung out just as friends. I dont see it being a big deal


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

DoF said:


> That's the thing, you can trust someone 100%, but the doubt will ALWAYS be there.
> 
> Whenever you have 2 opposite sex around, and if there is ANY attraction present, in time........risk is HIGH. And again, when a male has a "friend" of opposite sex, they wouldn't have that status unless there was attraction.
> 
> ...



You guys are really making this some big dramtic thing...jesus christ!!! were just fkn friends.. thats it.. its started as that and ended as that. I never even kissed her!!!!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

FishKing said:


> You guys are really making this some big dramtic thing...jesus christ!!! were just fkn friends.. thats it.. its started as that and ended as that. I never even kissed her!!!!


Ok, but we didn't know it was 3 dates and that's it.

Anyways, it really doesn't matter if she is your ex or not in my eyes.

Would you date a woman that has male friends and doesn't realize/know the basis of your typical male/female friendships?

I will say it again, you are limiting yourself by befriending women.......most decent women simply will run for the hills as soon as they find out.

Would you want your girl to hang out with "male friends" while in a relationship?

think about that a bit


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

this was a bad idea.. this is one of the things i hate about TAM, some people dont really read what someone posts and jsut starts bashing and jumping to conclusions about stuff..like i was married to this girl. i went on 3 dates with her!! i could say if she was my ex wife, than ya that would be not good.....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DoF said:


> Anyways, it really doesn't matter if she is your ex or not in my eyes.



DoF is right. We can only offer you what OUR own opinions are. Your girlfriend may react in a totally different manner. Either way, you will not know until you actually address this with her.

Also, you still haven't answered (and I really want to know):

How would you feel if it were flipped?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

FishKing said:


> ok i get it, i dated a diff girl before that had a male roommate that i questioned it!!! she said they were friends, but dunno..


You've kind of answered your own question here... Even now, you question whether this girl told you the truth about this male roommate. And if you found out that she was dating him before? I'd guess you'd question it even more. 

My advice... Move in with your daughter if you need to. That would be more acceptable to potential partners. Don't know if your daughter is living in a compatible location, though. Or buy a house, and let your daughter live with you. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

DoF said:


> Ok, but we didn't know it was 3 dates and that's it.
> 
> Anyways, it really doesn't matter if she is your ex or not in my eyes.
> 
> ...


Ok so the girl I'm dating is super honest and open. She told me about other guy she was dating along with me. She said it won't work with him,and still wants to be friends with him and if she hangs out with him it's strictly as friends only!! So she is really open and I know she trusts me so I feel will be fine
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening FishKing
Tell the complete truth. Understand if it isn't OK with other women, but some may not be bothered by it. Let them decide if they are OK with the situation.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I appreciated your post, Rowan. It sounds like for these two it will be okay.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

OP, you and your gf both sound like really nice people!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

FishKing said:


> Ok so the girl I'm dating is super honest and open. She told me about other guy she was dating along with me. She said it won't work with him,and still wants to be friends with him and if she hangs out with him it's strictly as friends only!! So she is really open and I know she trusts me so I feel will be fine
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So she opened up to you about this, but you didn't tell her you're living with someone you dated? Why didn't you tell that to her at the same time?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Fish,

I have followed all of your threads. You seem to get yourself into some very odd situations with these various girlfriends. 

All you can do is be honest. Best of luck!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

PBear said:


> You've kind of answered your own question here... Even now, you question whether this girl told you the truth about this male roommate. And if you found out that she was dating him before? I'd guess you'd question it even more.
> 
> My advice... Move in with your daughter if you need to. That would be more acceptable to potential partners. Don't know if your daughter is living in a compatible location, though. Or buy a house, and let your daughter live with you.
> 
> ...


And make sure she pays rent/her own expenses......but agree with above


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

FishKing said:


> Ok so the girl I'm dating is super honest and open. She told me about other guy she was dating along with me. She said it won't work with him,and still wants to be friends with him and if she hangs out with him it's strictly as friends only!! So she is really open and I know she trusts me so I feel will be fine
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds good, as long as you feel her situation is fine with YOU.

hehe

:scratchhead:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

DoF said:


> And make sure she pays rent/her own expenses......but agree with above


Why do you keep beating this horse? Is there some information that she's taking advantage of him? My kids would be welcome to continue living with me as long as they're in school, including university. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

No decent woman is going to get involved with this. I know it's not what you want to hear, but you can spin and justify and way you want and it won't matter. Most women won't go along with this, and I certainly wouldn't. Maybe you'll find one the genuinely won't care, but your options will be severely limited.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## spunkycat08 (Nov 14, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> No decent woman is going to get involved with this. I know it's not what you want to hear, but you can spin and justify and way you want and it won't matter. Most women won't go along with this, and I certainly wouldn't. Maybe you'll find one the genuinely won't care, but your options will be severely limited.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would not feel comfortable with this.

And yes, his options will be severely limited.

No decent woman will get involved with this. The drama and the conflict are not worth it.


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## Jeffyboy (Apr 7, 2015)

if you live in los angeles she may want to "join" in....you know eating out, amusement parks, movies, shows, bars...


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> and that the ex's husband (yes, she was married) had odd feelings towards him.
> 
> Um. Okay.
> 
> I wished him well.


A nice Kevlar jacket to go with those well wishes.

There is a lot of this ex is now my friend going around and I just don't believe a word of it. At best it's unhealthy, at least it's a barrier to future relations (this case), at worst it's plan B (girlfriend's case?).

Yes I knew it was only three dates. Somehow I missed the idea that she has a soon to be ex who will also be a friend. 

As to the Daughter, supporting your kids in University is part of preparing them to be contributing members of society.

MN


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Zombie thread... I'm closing it.*


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