# Wife asked me what turned me on...were my answers too nice?



## marty1966 (Feb 25, 2013)

We have been married for 14 years and our sex life has had its ups and downs.

We have been doing better for several years - some of which I owe in part to being a much more assertive husband, father and person overall. Not being such a nice guy - but not being a jerk.

So it's been her time of the month and unless the stars align for us both, we usually don't have sex for these 4-5 days. Doesn't help that a few days before her time she gets super mean and a little crazy - so it can be 5-7 days.

Last night we are both tired but it's been a week so she's flirted a little - which is great. But sex was not a priority for either of us - not with the weekend coming up. All is good.

But then right as I'm dozing off she asks me "hey can i ask you a question - what really turns you on the most?"

I'm like - well crap can I get back to you! Give me 2 days lol. Can I have a top 10?

So she's being real flirty with it and says sure I won't hold you to it 10 years from now or anything.

So I think for a few minutes and told her the following:

When she initiates
When she flirts with me during the day leading up to sex
When she dresses provocatively - inside and outside the bedroom.
When she orgasms
When she talks really dirty to me.

And that was it. All good we go to sleep.

Now all those things do happen sometimes - but not enough for my liking. They are definitely arousal triggers for me.

Now here I am second guessing myself - I'm thinking how those answers sound very needy and dependent on her and her pleasure.

Did I screw up a little here and slip into my old Nice Guy ways with my response?


Appreciate your thoughts.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Well nothing wrong with going back and amending the list.....say something like " I got to thinking about what you asked the other night and ........ you might also add a question about what does she like"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lionlady (Sep 12, 2012)

It sounds to me like you're saying she turns you on. I don't see that as needy. I'd think it would be flattering.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

marty1966 said:


> We have been married for 14 years and our sex life has had its ups and downs.
> 
> We have been doing better for several years - some of which I owe in part to being a much more assertive husband, father and person overall. Not being such a nice guy - but not being a jerk.
> 
> ...


No sir, I don't think so. Basically you are saying you like when she takes a more active role in sex. Perhaps seduce you sometimes or just be really into it. I think that's what most guys want from their wives. Don't change it.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

If my H said that to me I'd feel very flattered.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

all good answers. but you screwed up by not asking what hers was.And then banging her before falling asleep with her spooning you!


no harm just do it tonight!


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## Cigar56 (Mar 9, 2013)

You did nice work with your answers to her. When you get an opening like that, take it!


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

No.

You didn't screw up anything.

And actually...I think you brought up a good point about the whole 'manning up' thing.

For sure, it is important (for maintaining a wife's interest)

And it does often require, *conscious effort* on a guy's part since modern society doesn't really equip any of us for dealing with the 'animal' aspect of our (sexual) attraction

But still, it doesn't have to be a complete act all the time. You don't have to give answers to questions like that dishonestly (in fact, I sort of think...that would be the 'weaker' thing to do)

No, when posed with questions like this: answer unequivocally and unapologetically with the truth 

And then...you know...just keep being an assertive, confident guy day in and day out...

There won't be any loss of attraction from the revelation of that honesty...

(And hopefully you'll end up getting some of what you want)


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

marty1966 said:


> we go to sleep.


Violation of sex book chapter 1, paragraph 1, line 1.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

even not nice guys should be nice guys when asked a question like that.
i think that was a great answer.


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