# How long does it take???



## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

I have good days and I have bad days. Just when I feel like things are looking up for me I'm overcome with so much anger about all the betrayal that took place. Sometimes I see or hear something that sparks it, and sometime it comes out of the blue. I want to be able to move past this and focus on what is best for the children and start to have some peace of mind. How long does it take to be free of the pain and anger?


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

There is no real answer for that. Each person works thru the emotions that come along with all of this differently. Even when you try not to dwell on it, something is bound to happen to bring it to the forefront again. Just take it one day at a time, and know that when you have a bad day, a good one is right around the corner. It DOES get easier, especially if you can find some things to do that are just for you...a long forgotten favorite hobby, a treat to a favorite restaurant, a good book or movie...whatever puts the focus on YOU and not on the relationship and you....good luck!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Is she still with the OM? How about an update on the divorce?


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

I don't think she is with OM. We have a court date set. I think the custody issue is going to get ugly.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

tkdan. There is no way around the pain. There is only through it. The less you see her the better you will feel.......eventually.


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

We have two children so we have to communicate concerning them. Other than that we do not have much contact. It is much easier that way. I guess the hardest part is I have been willing to accept responsibility for my part in all of this but she is not. I do not want an apology or anything, only that she take responsibilty for her actions.


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## ls878 (Jul 2, 2009)

oh gosh. i'm feeling your pain. we're separated and not talking. he just moved out; not with the OW - apparently he has cut off all contact with her b/c he doesn't know what he wants in life. we share a 1yr old. it's tough. i can't eat right, thank god i'm sleeping, but can't get my mind of things. i wonder if he thinks about me at all? does he miss me? i sure do miss him. i'm trying to stay focused though. it's been a month for us since i found out about the affair. i feel like it's going to take a lifetime.


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## elattoo (Jul 4, 2009)

To tkdan: I'm not totally clear on your situation (just seeing this thread), but if you two are splitting up, I would guess in a few months you will begin to heal. I agree with others though, it's like dealing with a death...everybody's different. Stay focused on your goals, keep a clear head, and lean on something larger than yourself (faith?). Feel for you.

To ls878: Yikes...a month. So sorry you are going through this. I hope you guys are able to get through this...it's a tough road ahead, but there is hope.

Refining Marriage


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

tkdan said:


> How long does it take to be free of the pain and anger?


It can take years, especially if you have noone to talk to about it. Getting therapy will speed up the process of healing.

I am sorry you are in this pain.


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

I was getting theapy early on, but scheduling makes that difficult now. I do get to tallk a lot about what I'm going through. It is just diffiult because I an have some great days where it does not bother me then all of a sudden it feel like it was just yesterday when it happened.


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## beyond betrayal (Jul 21, 2009)

Tkdan I totally understand. Its tough I tell you. Flashbacks everyday for me. I pray that you get through this. I think the only thing that can really help me now is God. I have taken out the bible that I havent' seen in years and now I need to open it. I have an appointment with the Lord early in the morning. I need to focus and talk to him everyday. Each time I refer to it I feel better. I used the bible thru a death in the family. Through a painful divorce. And now through infidelity. It has helped me everytime and I felt stronger. I think this time is rougher but its good to know that God is here every step of the way. I pray you find your peace. Maybe you could try that and it helps. Hope you feel better. Trust I'll say a prayer for all of us on here. At this point we all need each other an prayer.


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

Beyond thanks I do appreciate your prayers. I always say we may turn our back on God from time to time, but He never turns his on us. he is always there waiting with open arms when we decide to turn to Him. That is one thing we can all take comfort in no matter what turns our life takes.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

tkdan said:


> Beyond thanks I do appreciate your prayers. I always say we may turn our back on God from time to time, but He never turns his on us. he is always there waiting with open arms when we decide to turn to Him. That is one thing we can all take comfort in no matter what turns our life takes.


:iagree: Hang in there tkdan. Hugs.


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## beyond betrayal (Jul 21, 2009)

Yes, I turned my back and he was there waiting. Still there. I went to him today. I explained that I thought this was probably the time I needed him to carry me through the sand. And you know what? He made today much easier. If you look at my posts you'll see how some days I lose my mind from anger and sadness. Today I felt like I"d make it through. I felt calmer. A little closer to my peace. And I did pray for you like I said. I meant it. Have a good night friend!


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

The last two days i have experiene much more inner peace than I had in a while. I know it takes time to heal. I guess the hardest part is when I have some days of peace of mind, then all of a sudden out of nowhere it feels like me world is crashing down. My biggest issue, the thing that causes me the most anger and anxiety is when I see my kids hurting. I can rationalize what happened to me. I do not let it get to me like it did early on. I can not handle seeing my children suffer. They are innocent and did not ask for any of this.


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