# The 180...is it too soon?



## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

It's only been about 2 1/2 weeks since H told me he wants to separate. Married almost 18 years. Is it healthy to try and do the 180 even though I am so not ready for that? Shouldn't I go through the natural emotions during such a devastating time? I am having anxiety, depression and my poor kids haven't seen my smile in almost 3 weeks. I know I need counseling but I feel like I can't even bring myself to do that.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Sweetie you need to take care of yourself and that actually is part of the 180. 

Mourning a loss is one thing but anxiety and depression is something completely different. Please get some help. You may need meds (temporarily) to see you though this devastating time. It's okay if you do.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

The sooner you do it the better. I didn't even know about it for a long time and that did nothing but extend my pain.
I'm still not convinced I could have pulled it off but it really is what you need to do for you. I sat around and cried for months for nothing. I thought I had a chance but had none. 180 would have made me recover more quickly AND would have been my only shot at getting her to realize what she was doing. Too late for both. 

My advice is to DO IT!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

The 180 does work, but you have to believe in it and follow it to the letter, every day, every time you are around your spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Do it.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

So I failed. We only communicate through texting and I was doing pretty good for a while, but yesterday I had to tell him he has to find a place. When he comes home he goes straight upstairs to the spare bedroom. The kids feel the tension and it is just bad for all involved. He then tells me "fine, then YOU tell the kids you want me out asap"! I said "OHHHH noo.. you are not turning this around on ME. YOU tell the kids this is what happens when the husband wants to leave the family! Don't try to look like the good guy here"!
So some words were exchanged and I caved and said this is not what I want and I pray that he thinks things over before he leaves. I said I know I shouldn't be saying that but my marriage and family is worth one simple sentence.
Well I haven't heard from him since. NOW is the time I will officially try the 180 for ME. It will be so hard, but I can't go on like this.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Don't beat yourself up-----you made your point.
Be strong!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I agree with Why Not -- you made your position very clear. You called him out on trying to make this your fault. Now it's time to turn it around and let him see the results of _his_ decision. It's really, really hard to do 180, especially when you have kids together, but do your best. Since your fight yesterday began when you actually spoke to him about a tough issue, maybe just write things and tape them on the door to the room he uses? That may also keep the kids from hearing it. Even if he does blow up, it will be because he escalated it.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

It sounds like a conversation my H and I had back in January. I was the one left to tell the kids and it took me a while (I had other excuses until I knew for sure he wasn't coming back). When I told them they took it well, confused, but okay. Now they feel like "we are all in it together" or "we can take on the world as long as we are together" it's just a different "WE" now. I have a book and it had several scripts to go through and it helped me have an idea what to say. The title is something like "Helping Children cope with Divorce." It was suggested by a child therapist. 

The good thing is that once my H left the house could breathe again and relaxed more than it had been in 2 months. 

Their father isn't a super active father like some of the men on here, it may have made it easier on my kids though because of that. 

Good luck and just do your best on the 180, it will help you cope and detach.


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