# Second date



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

So guys, I posted on the "new members" index my saga on asking a guy out. People gave me tips and we went out on a date. During the date he mentioned several times that he wanted to do lots of things together. Even joked so many times that "next time" I pick the place because the one we were was super windy.

Here's the timeline...

We flirted for three months (he was my ta so we couldn't do anything)

Thursday - I asked him out.

Sunday - we had an awesome date.

Sunday - He texted after couple hours of dropping me off that he had a nice time. And I texted back saying the same.

Tuesday - After a day he texted me something like stay healthy (because of these trouble times the world has been going through). We texted a little.. he asked what I have been up to.. I answered and we joked a little.

Is it my turn to text him today asking if he's feeling better? (he had a bad cold when we went on the date) I don't wanna come off as desperate. I understand guys like the chase but I don't wanna look that I'm not interested.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Nina, I don't see any issues with you texting him. He obviously liked the date, and seems to like you.
I think checking up to see how he feels is a great idea, and I don't think it would put him off or make you seem desperate.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

thank you Jlg07!! I texted him and he texted back in less than a minute 🙂 and we've been talking.. I'll stop overthinking this. Thank you again.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Awesome -- keeping and working on communication is KEY to any relationship! Really glad it is working out for you! Best of luck!


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I agree. Text him again. But wait for him to ask you out on another date. Continue to date/talk to other people, and if he pursues you he pursues you, if he doesn’t you didn’t wast any time.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Nina0 said:


> thank you Jlg07!! I texted him and he texted back in less than a minute 🙂 and we've been talking.. I'll stop overthinking this. Thank you again.


Piece of advice to avoid looking desperate. Do not talk about how you feel about him, as in "Gee, I like you so much!" Do compliment the things you like about him, as in, "You're so good at that!" This makes a person feel good in your presence without you putting any pressure on them about your feelings.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nina0 said:


> thank you Jlg07!! I texted him and he texted back in less than a minute 🙂 and we've been talking.. I'll stop overthinking this. Thank you again.


Are people where you live doing social distancing because of COVID-19?


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Are people where you live doing social distancing because of COVID-19?


Yes, we all started on Monday.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Awesome. If he is still down with the cold offer some chicken soup. No kidding, it apparently works miracles in relationships as well. My son really took to cooking. (Just like the old man, it was my primary means of seduction when I was much younger.) Apparently he was just casually dating his now girlfriend, when she came down with a head cold. He offered to make soup for her. She thought, yeah, just from a can. Not my kid. Nope, Dad taught him stock from the bones, with a mirpoix, and he puts in several slashed cloves of garlic. Needless to say, he shows up at her apartment with a pot of soup, some noodles, and now she is his girlfriend. 

Even with social distancing, the act of making food for one another is one of the strongest ways of attracting a mate. Did I ever tell the story about me and high school home ec? Big guy in high school. Never wanted for dates, though. Signed up for gr 11 home ec. Easy A, and I was a ringer. I had learned to cook when I was 8. Mom went to work, and big bro and I mastered everything we laid our eyes on. So, while the rest of the class was doing a basic sauce, I forgot myself, and was doing a chiffonade of fresh basil when the teacher stopped, looked, and pulled me out of class. "Why are you here ? was her first question. I was honest. How else am I going to let the girls in the class know what I can do in a kitchen. She was nice about it. I would continue to the end of term, then not ever take her class again. So while she is talking, I have thai basil, chili, garlic and a thinly sliced chicken breast in a pan. two or three girls just started wandering over to my station. I had my dance card filled. Not bad.

PLUS, no cafeteria (ugh) lunches for a whole semester.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

There really is no hard rule of thumb on this. A short text every other day should suffice as far as letting them know you are still interested.
Some people text a lot, some do not. To some you'll come off as desperate if you text frequently, with others that is what they want.
You really just have to feel your way out. 
The way you describe it/him he seems quite interested.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

hinterdir said:


> Some people text a lot, some do not. To some you'll come off as desperate if you text frequently, with others that is what they want.
> You really just have to feel your way out.
> The way you describe it/him he seems quite interested.


^^^^Exactly, just be yourself. Don't worry about every text or call before you make them/answer them.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

So guys, it was good while it lasted lol

So, yesterday we talked a lot.. he asked if I was in town and I said yes, and then he asked if he could see me this week and I said yes, and he said his schedule was super open now that classes were over, then I said that mine was too, so we agreed to see each other today. But because of social distancing there's nowhere to go so I said that he could come over and we would figure out, but I told him this was not a hook up invite. So then he said that he appreciated me being upfront but he wasn't looking for a hook up either, and that our plan sounded great! It's already 5pm and i haven't heard from him. So I believe he flaked 😞


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Well, nevermind.. he just texted.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nina0 said:


> Well, nevermind.. he just texted.


Is he coming over?


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

He is. We agreed on an evening thing. But I don't know.. evening for me could be from 6 to 9.. he's coming at 8.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Nina, I REALLY hope all goes well for you!


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

jlg07 said:


> Nina, I REALLY hope all goes well for you!


Aww thank you jlg07! I'll for sure come back here to tell if we hit it off or not.


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## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

Well, how was the third date?


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Hey guys, so...
Timeline...

We flirt for three months

I ask him out.

He seems all excited and plans the perfect date.

He mentions several times during the date we will see each other again. He makes plans. He keeps gazing into my eyes. We kissed. He was pretty sick during the date, his voice was even sounding funny.

After the date he texts me saying he had a great time.

After a day he texts me good morning. We talk and joke a bit.

After a day I text him asking if he's feeling better.
He answers me and asks me out on a date. We are doing social distancing (specially because he's pretty sick) and I say he can come over but this is not a hook up invite. He says he's not looking for it either and is excited about hanging out.

On the day of the date he texts me if 8pm is ok and I say yes. Later on he texts me saying his roommates said it's probably better if he stays home and play it safe before hanging out again so he won't spread his flu (not sure if he's got Corona but I wouldn't rule that out because we are in Seattle). By the way, I have been coughing like crazy too, so I probably got something from him on the first date (he doesn't know though).

He was all apologetic on canceling the date and said "I will hang with you soon ☺". I said "no worries, I just hope you get better". And we talk and joke for a bit.

It has been two days and we haven't texted. So I believe he's ghosting. When a guy is really interested on a girl he wouldn't spend days with no communication. I posted Instagram stories and he watched it today. It's fine. I'm heart broke but I'll get over this. I hope the both of us don't have the coronavirus though. 

Thank you all!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Sorry Nina, that's a shame, BUT if he has the flu, he could be REALLY sick (I DO admit the watching your Instagram may belie that fact).
You'll find somebody for you!


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Thank you jlg07!! I just don't understand why some guys act like they are super excited and out of nowhere they are just not anymore. So confusing. Why ask me out again or why say that we will hang out soon if he's not planning on it? I hate this 😞


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So let me clue you in -- most guys are IDIOTS and very immature (I am a guy). Why HE would do this, no idea. He SHOULD have at least pinged you on text to let you know that he's sick (IF that is indeed the case).

The whole ghosting, catfishing, breadcrumming, etc. -- all a REALLY lousy development in our society due to modern communications. Doing ANY of that to someone just shows poor character, and someone you probably really don't want to waste a lot of time on.

This in particular is strange, because you both flirted/etc. for quite a while. Maybe you intimidate him and he thought he was "safe" since he COULDN'T date you then, but now is a afraid of your awesomeness?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Just because you have dated someone one or two times doesn't automatically mean you're a couple and that you are going to *immediately* start seeing each other frequently. Geez the guy has been sick, there's a pandemic going on, and you are supposed to be limiting your contacts.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Livvie said:


> Just because you have dated someone one or two times doesn't automatically mean you're a couple and that you are going to *immediately* start seeing each other frequently. Geez the guy has been sick, there's a pandemic going on, and you are supposed to be limiting your contacts.


I agree. Heck, text him and as how he is feeling.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Nina, 

You are analyzing this way to much. It has only been a day or so and you have not heard from him. Sometimes I go a week or two without texting my wife. Does that mean I am ghosting her?

It is possible that he has changed his mind, but everything you have posted has indicated he has interest. So take a deep breadth and let things happen. He has said he is interested in doing something and asked about taking a class together. Everything indicates that he wants to spend time with you.

I have not dated in ages, so my advice might be horrible. But the time frames that you and others on this site talk about seem crazy to me.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Yeswecan said:


> I agree. Heck, text him and as how he is feeling.


I appreciate your opinions you all. I already texted him how's he was feeling once and that went well, but that would be weird to keep asking if he's ok, right?

And I don't expect him to treat me as girlfriend, but two days without contact sounds fishy, specially when he canceled the date. Today will be the third day. I really think I'm not overreacting this time haha, but I understand it can sound like that.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

If your girlfriend went on a couple of dates over a week or so and then did not hear from the man for several days would you automatically think that he is not interested?

There are a lot of reasons that you could come up with. Why would that one win out over any other?


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Actually you are all right. It doesn't seem like a lot of days, but some people tell me it is. I agree I am over analyzing this. 
I'll go on a hike with my roommates and forget about this whole thing and if he's still interested he will contact me. I think I've been too intense (I don't show him this though) because he was my crush for a long time and I wanted this so bad. I'll try to focus on myself. It's just that this social distancing and not having my friends around makes it harder.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nina0 said:


> I appreciate your opinions you all. I already texted him how's he was feeling once and that went well, but that would be weird to keep asking if he's ok, right?
> 
> And I don't expect him to treat me as girlfriend, but two days without contact sounds fishy, specially when he canceled the date. Today will be the third day. I really think I'm not overreacting this time haha, but I understand it can sound like that.


Don't text him again for now. 

He might actually be ill. 

You have a cough so you should really be practicing social distancing as well.

Right now things are pretty strange with people being told to practice social distancing. He might be concerned about human contact for a very good reason. I know, he can still text you and use phone & internet to communicate.

Just give him more time. The best way to handle this is for you to go on with your life. If he's interested, he'll be contacting you. If he's not interested, you two were not compatible. It's good to find that out earlier than later.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

leftfield said:


> If your girlfriend went on a couple of dates over a week or so and then did not hear from the man for several days would you automatically think that he is not interested?
> 
> There are a lot of reasons that you could come up with. Why would that one win out over any other?


Good perspective! I wouldn't automatically assume that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Nina0 said:


> Actually you are all right. It doesn't seem like a lot of days, but some people tell me it is. I agree I am over analyzing this.
> I'll go on a hike with my roommates and forget about this whole thing and if he's still interested he will contact me. I think I've been too intense (I don't show him this though) because he was my crush for a long time and I wanted this so bad. I'll try to focus on myself. It's just that this social distancing and not having my friends around makes it harder.


Yes, and yes.

One of our friends is like this, we call him THRD. He can be very impatient, intense, and overly sensitive.
Oh, especially when he has no RIGHT to be like this.


Lilith-


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Oh gosh guys.. please let me know if I'm being annoying to you all, but not dating for 6 years made me too inexperienced with this whole thing.

He texted me last night (I was really surprised!!!) Asking me how I was and that he's doing well, that he is with his family having a good time but is excited to come home and see some people including ME. (omg!!!)

How should I answer this without sounding overly excited? "Hey I'm glad you've got to spend time with your family. Looking forward to see you too" or "I'm glad you are having a good time with them. Excited about seeing you too." Or maybe I just don't comment anything about I'm excited about seeing him too? 

He said he's baking bread with his family.. should I jokingly say "bring me some?" Or that's too much? 

I'm sorry if this is annoying.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

But I swear if this second date happens I'll stop bugging you all... 😁


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nina0 said:


> But I swear if this second date happens I'll stop bugging you all... 😁


Don't worry about that. We are here to be bugged! >


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nina0 said:


> Oh gosh guys.. please let me know if I'm being annoying to you all, but not dating for 6 years made me too inexperienced with this whole thing.
> 
> He texted me last night (I was really surprised!!!) Asking me how I was and that he's doing well, that he is with his family having a good time but is excited to come home and see some people including ME. (omg!!!)
> 
> ...


I like the one I underlined.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

Well, I hope things went well. It is hard for everyone right now...and trying to date? You are a force to recon with!!

Just take it easy. Go with the current.
You are just “dating casually” right now, so see how things work. Avoid red flags. Take time to get to know each other. Live your own lives and then see if they start growing into each others. 

Good luck and stay well.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Hey guys, update... We have been seeing each other and things are working out. I really believe something nice can come out of this. I really like him and he demonstrates the same. Thank you all.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nina0 said:


> Hey guys, update... We have been seeing each other and things are working out. I really believe something nice can come out of this. I really like him and he demonstrates the same. Thank you all.


Very good to hear!!

With all that is going on with COVID-19, stay safe.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

I just came here to update you all.
He asked me to be his girlfriend last night. Thank you all for advices for the past month. It was something crazy. Best wishes.


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## SayItRight (Apr 23, 2020)

Nina, congratulations! i think it's good that you try to analyze your relationship and the events happening, that's a very a very mature way. I could also reccomend to check compatibility or his personality. I prefer Volikov test, it always gives me a nice insight so i know what the person is like and what to expect. Wish you the most loving relationship!❤


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Nina congratz. I'm glad you are happy. Is this the same one who still might love is ex?


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Anastasia, thank you!! And yes. But actually he said he was only confused and had things not said. So he then texted her (he showed me the texts) and he asked why she cheated, if that was only because she was gay, if he did anything wrong because he met someone he really likes and he doesn't wanna do the same mistakes, all that talks that they didn't have when they broke up. She told him that she only broke up with him because she was gay, but he was a great guy.
Then he said he realized he didn't want her, he only wanted answers and he said he imagined his life with her back and he didn't like what he felt, he felt like it wouldn't make any sense.
Then he sent me a text saying that he is certain that he wants to be with me.
I confess, we did meet yesterday but the both of us are doing quarantine hardcore so we aren't spreading disease. 

I hope that was only that, I'm happy but I'm still cautious since it's the very beginning.


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