# Encouragement and support to follow thru



## AnAvgDude (Jun 20, 2011)

Can anyone share some encouragement? 

Today I told my wife of 17 years that I will be leaving her. She had an affair four years ago and I have decided through therapy that I cannot forgive her so I am leaving. Our two kids, 16 and 13, will of course be deeply hurt. 

My wife is begging me to stay, for forgiveness and telling me that I am hurting our kids. In the past, I would have given in and stayed. Our relationship has always been her wearing the pants, and me being the push-over.

This time, I really need to follow through, but I need support. I cannot turn to our mutual friends as they are not aware of any of this. I do not want them to judge my wife as I am not vindictive. 

If anyone who have gone through this can offer some support, please do. (I am probably more desperate than this posting is coming across) Thank you.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Out of curiosity, what changed after four years? Or, another way of putting it, why after four years?

There's no easy words to console for this life experience. If thi is what you truly and deeply want, then no one will judge you. It will be the hardest thing you may ever do.

But make sure you are doing this for all the right reasons. And that you are fully aware of not only what you may gsin, but what you may lose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AnAvgDude (Jun 20, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Out of curiosity, what changed after four years? Or, another way of putting it, why after four years?
> 
> There's no easy words to console for this life experience. If thi is what you truly and deeply want, then no one will judge you. It will be the hardest thing you may ever do.
> 
> ...


Right after the affair, I read many self-help books. They said not to divorce out of anger and give it at least two years before making any decisions. Also, my kids were younger then at 12 and 9 and I was afraid for them. Also, even though she had two PA back when we were dating, I really still loved my wife. I worked hard on the marriage and she has been extremely remorseful since the affair. However, I just could not let go of the pain after all these years. I started counseling six months ago and slowly realized that I lost my love for her. I can only guess that the therapist helped me realize that I deserve better.

My struggle right now is that I DO feel bad for my wife. She's crying and very remorseful. I care about her as the mother of my children but I don't love her as my wife. Regardless, it is hard for me to see her hurt.

In the next few days, we will need to tell our kids. I am anxious about the pain that I will cause them. The kids do not know about any of the affairs.

I hope I do not get suckered back into the marriage. I admit, I am weak and need to have a backbone.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

At some point your life needs to be about you again. I'm glad you've decided that now is the time. I hope you're able to find peace.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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