# I cheATED on my husband now everything is confusing



## thesadestdayofmylife (Jun 16, 2011)

I been married for 4 years, I have two kids with my husband. 5 months ago i cheated on my husband. I was not going to tell him anything but this guilt i had inside would not let me live peacefully. so i decided to tell him, hes reaction was expected, he was mad, sad, every emotion. he decided to forgive me. and to fix our marriage, but now i feel that it was a huge mistake to tell him, he keeps remembering, he keeps asking, me why , what happen and every deatail he wants to know. sometimes it feel as if never happens but then he remembers and starts getting mad. so 2 days ago, he wanted to do it, and I didnt want to and he started telling me why I didnt want to aand with the other guy i did want to. and this is not the only time it happen other times that when i dont feel like beign with him he starts telling me those things. so 2 days ago he got me so mad because he kept saying that im discusting and that if i did it with another man why i cant do it with him, and i was like fine what ever and i left to the kitchen to finish washing the dishes, then i see him putting on clothes and packing his clothes. he starts taking my clothes too, he says because he bought it. so im just sating there washing when he comes and tells me give me your shoes i bought those too, i was confused and then gave it to him , i really didnt want more problems so i just him to do what he was doing, but when i take my shoes , he turns me around and starts hitting me with my shoes in my face, in my head , really hard. it hurt so much, he kept telling my this is my foult his hitting me because i cheated on him. i began to tell him im sorry , alot of times and he stop, but he kept yelling at me. now i feel so confuse, he acts as if nothing happen and it was my fault so i shoulnt say anything about what happen that day. he doesnt even want to talk about it. 
I know it was my fault because i cheated, but i dont think i deserve to be hit. I dont know maybe i did deserve it. im so confuse, im beginning to hate him and want to leave him, but i think of my kids and i dont know what to do


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## JupitersLament (May 30, 2011)

Physical abuse (or any abuse for that matter) and being assaulted is never OK, no matter what the situation.

He's hurt but he needs to deal with his anger better. Don't let him blame YOU for HIS behaviour.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

He has no excuse to hit you. Its expected for him to hurt, but he has no right to do that to you.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You did a terrible thing by cheating then confessing without a plan to repair your marriage, marriage counseling was a must!

But your husband did an awful thing too in hitting you!

Do not tolerate this. You must leave, Take your kids and go.

And seek professionals help for your next steps.

This spiral of destruction will not change without intervention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yes! Leave! He had absolutely no right in this world to hit you, regardless of what you did. 

This is the start. Once the hitting starts, and you "accept it", it now becomes the norm in the relationship. He will do it again. Eventually. But he will.

Don't ever take that sh$t from anyone. Ever! Take your kids. Go to a family member if you can. Go to a women's shelter if you must. Just go. With your kids.

Fk! This man is the lowest form of sh$t in the world. He's not even a real man, he's a fkn little two year old bully having a temper tantrum. I have absolutely zero tolerance for this behavior. And I strongly urge you to have zero tolerance for it either! You are stronger than this! Start showing that strength and independence and make your future happen...starting now....without him!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Hitting you was wrong and unjustified. No excuses for him.

If you do get back with him you are going to have to learn to be extra careful saying "no" to him about sex. His emotions and ego are on edge because you shared your body with another man. He's right, you didn't tell the other guy "no" and telling your husband "no", regardless of the reason, is going to be interpreted as a huge rejection of him.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Take yourself and your children far away from him NOW. As the others have said *there is NO excuse for him to hit you, NONE*

Domestic violence doesn't go away by itself, it grows until a tragedy occurs.

While infidelity can be a deal breaker for a lot of us - I divorced my wife because she cheated on me - so is domestic violence.

Please don't use your children to excuse his unacceptable and dangerous behavior towards you. The last thing they need is to be traumatized by their father violently attacking their mother.


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## Dowjones (Sep 16, 2010)

OP, you do not have to take abuse. What you did was wrong, yes, but your husband's violence is not only wrong, but illegal. Leave him and call the police.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

No matter what you did----he has no right to abuse you physically, or verbally

You need to get both of you into counseling, IC, and later on MC

You must understand that since you killed the mge., if you wanna put it back together---YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THE HEAVY LIFTING-----you know what your H., is going thru, you can read all about it, on all of these websites, so you know what you are dealing with

What you have to do---is everything/anything, your H. wants---THAT IS WITHIN REASON---don't do anything that is unreasonable---but when you refused him sex, what did you think was gonna happen---You killed his soul, and tore apart his heart, by sleeping with another man, and then refused that same action with your H.,what do you think was gonna come into his head

You are gonna have to fake until you make it---if this situation occurs again---or as others have said---if this is beyond repair, and it is becoming violent---you need to leave

If you are gonna have a hard time on your own, well do what you must to prepare for being on your own again, in the big bad world, cuz that could very well be what you are facing----

When people cheat they don't think of the consequences, and the aftermath---all they see is their fantasy---unfortunately for you reality has gotten pretty ugly


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## findingmyway (May 25, 2011)

please find a safe place for you and your children. There is no excuse for his violent reaction.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Time to go. In the future, don't cheat.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

You need to leave ASAP. While I despise cheaters, I hate abuse even more. Who knows what he'll do next. Being that children are involved they can't be exposed to these types of violent outbursts. If I may ask, was he abusive before you cheated? What was your reason for cheating anyway?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Move out, call the cops & press charges. Find a relative or friend for all three of you to stay with for now until you can sort something out. If you need a ride, call someone to pick you up. Take your wallet and all bank records and passbooks of you have them and close out all the accounts. Take all the things your kids need for a week to ten days. When you call the cops, and if your husband has guns, tell the cops. They will ask anyway but make sure you tell them. Tell the cops you will not be there when they come if you know you will not be there. If you have any bruises or visible injuries take pictures of them. If you have two cars and when you leave both of them are home, take ALL the keys. Temporarily disable the other vehicle if you can, by breaking a key in the ignition lock or slashing all 4 tires. Pull the main breaker on the house. If you have nowhere else to go when you bolt go to a police station. Not a women's shelter and not a hospital, the cops. Buy several cans of pepper spray keep two of them on your person 24/7. And an airhorn or whistle as well. If you wear glasses, take them all and any backup pairs you own. Take all your jewelery.


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## disabled (Jun 21, 2011)

thesadestdayofmylife said:


> I been married for 4 years, I have two kids with my husband. 5 months ago i cheated on my husband. I was not going to tell him anything but this guilt i had inside would not let me live peacefully. so i decided to tell him, hes reaction was expected, he was mad, sad, every emotion. he decided to forgive me. and to fix our marriage, but now i feel that it was a huge mistake to tell him, he keeps remembering, he keeps asking, me why , what happen and every deatail he wants to know. sometimes it feel as if never happens but then he remembers and starts getting mad. so 2 days ago, he wanted to do it, and I didnt want to and he started telling me why I didnt want to aand with the other guy i did want to. and this is not the only time it happen other times that when i dont feel like beign with him he starts telling me those things. so 2 days ago he got me so mad because he kept saying that im discusting and that if i did it with another man why i cant do it with him, and i was like fine what ever and i left to the kitchen to finish washing the dishes, then i see him putting on clothes and packing his clothes. he starts taking my clothes too, he says because he bought it. so im just sating there washing when he comes and tells me give me your shoes i bought those too, i was confused and then gave it to him , i really didnt want more problems so i just him to do what he was doing, but when i take my shoes , he turns me around and starts hitting me with my shoes in my face, in my head , really hard. it hurt so much, he kept telling my this is my foult his hitting me because i cheated on him. i began to tell him im sorry , alot of times and he stop, but he kept yelling at me. now i feel so confuse, he acts as if nothing happen and it was my fault so i shoulnt say anything about what happen that day. he doesnt even want to talk about it.
> I know it was my fault because i cheated, but i dont think i deserve to be hit. I dont know maybe i did deserve it. im so confuse, im beginning to hate him and want to leave him, but i think of my kids and i dont know what to do


No man or woman deserves to be cheated on or abused physically. The husband hitting you with shoes is clearly domestic violence issue. You should get him referred to anger management. Plus marriage counseling. Physical abuse should not be tolerated. If he hits you, file for divorce. I know its tough taking the easy way out, at least you will not put yourself at risk of developing grand mal seizures later on in life from head injury you are sustaining. Yes, You cheated was wrong, No you did not deserve the beating. Your husband should be ashamed of himself. 


Disabled


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## hemicoup (Nov 15, 2011)

Wow, coming from a male point of view...Him Hitting you was completely wrong and I myself would beat him to death for you If i wasn't so busy in my career. 
I mean please don't get me wrong, you ARE a complete PIECE of **** and he deserves better but hitting you is unacceptable for so many reasons.....

You both need to go your separate ways


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This thread was from June


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