# Fighting for my Marriage



## Flameintrouble (Feb 14, 2015)

So about two years ago my husbands father passed a away. We had to move in with him mother because even through she is fairly young she can't really take care of herself. His father did everything for her. The money she getting from his pension doesn't cover the household bills. So because we didn't have a house at the time we moved in with her. 

The first year I tried to do as much for my husband as I could to make things easier. He resents all that we have to do for his mother. There is history there, stories that he has told me that make him very resentful of his mother, but as an only child he is doing what he feels needs to be done. 

Lately, I feel more like a personal assistant than a wife. I make his appointments and her doctors appointments. I work from home so I rearrange my schedule to take her to doctors appointments, because she can't drive herself she won't drive on a highway. She has at least 3 or appointments a month. I can ask my husband to take off from work to help out but I feel bad doing that. 
My husband leaves every morning at 4:00 am to get a parking spot outside of work doesn't start work until 6:30 so he sleeps in his car for an hour. Three days a week he works until 7 pm because we need the money from the overtime. Money is always tight but we always find a way to make it work. 

We haven't had sex in a year and now I am going through fertility treatments to try and get pregnant. 

I love my husband and I know that we have both been faithful and to be honest I can't imagine my life without the man I married. He and I ended up talking about this last night and he got very upset. Honestly if I were to leave him right now he would say that it is no more than he deserves, but I don't want to leave him I want to fight for my marriage but I'm not sure if he has any fight left and I'm not sure if I should tell him to fight...

I'm just not sure what to do. I am worried about my marriage. I go to a therapist and he went to a different once twice. He went for me but I couldn't force him to keep going. 

Sometimes I think the only reason he would notice if I left is that the bills wouldn't be paid and he would have to take his mother everywhere. 

Not sure anyone can help but definitely needed to put this out there...any advice welcome. Thank you


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Flameintrouble said:


> So about two years ago my husbands father passed a away. We had to move in with him mother because even through she is fairly young she can't really take care of herself. His father did everything for her. The money she getting from his pension doesn't cover the household bills. So because we didn't have a house at the time we moved in with her.
> 
> The first year I tried to do as much for my husband as I could to make things easier. He resents all that we have to do for his mother. There is history there, stories that he has told me that make him very resentful of his mother, but as an only child he is doing what he feels needs to be done.
> 
> ...


First, the bold part. If you want to get pregnant I've heard that having sex helps a lot. 

However, it doesn't seem like a good time to be adding a child. Your life is not going to get any easier with a child. Your ability to get any work done while working from home will be severely impacted for at least a few months, likely longer, and you'll likely be running on the thin edge of exhaustion for a while.

So you moved in with his mother to take care of her when his father died. She's fairly young but not really competent to handle her affairs. What's your plan for getting her independent? Have you and your H sat down to come up with a way to get her living on her own? Or do you expect to be living with her until she dies in 40 or 50 years?

Are you cramping her style? Does she have a social life? Is she dating?


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

Flameintrouble said:


> My husband leaves every morning at 4:00 am to get a parking spot outside of work doesn't start work until 6:30 so he sleeps in his car for an hour. Three days a week he works until 7 pm because we need the money from the overtime. Money is always tight but we always find a way to make it work.
> 
> We haven't had sex in a year and now I am going through fertility treatments to try and get pregnant.


It sounds like both of you are really stressed and should probably hold off having a child. Bringing a child into this situation is ver risky. Your marriage isn't stable. Your finances aren't in an ideal place. Most of all, your communication with your spouse seems to really be unhealthy right now. 

Have you asked him about his lifestyle goals and how he plans to reach them with you? Is he too caught up in everything in front of him to focus on those things?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

She can get a smaller place to free up some cash for her bills and you can help her from your own place. Children aren't obligated to become indentured servants to their parents.

Are you and your husband able to afford living on your own, now? Why do you want a child with a man who won't have sex with you? How are you going to manage caring for an infant and his mother & him?


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## AlisonBlaire (Feb 5, 2015)

This is not good. Bringing a child into this environment is going to exacerbate the already strained relationship that you have for each other. Are most of your bills going to pay for the upkeep of the house? Is it an old house that needs a lot of repair?


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## Natthewife (Jun 16, 2014)

Definitely hold off having another child for now. I can't imagine not being intimate in that way for such a long time. Sex isn't everything but making love with your husband is important in many other ways. May seem silly but maybe you just both need a big dirty weekend away somewhere just the two of you to remember why you fell in love and married in the first place. Sometimes the flame needs a good reignite and it's never a bad thing to get that big old elephant in the room out of the way. Em whatever u do I wish u the best


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Please don't bring a child into this situation...it will only make everything 100x worse.

What's your plan for getting your MIL independent? How old is she? Surely she doesn't expect you to live with her forever?


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## Deep Down (Jun 21, 2014)

There must be a better way! And yes please don't have a child now, it will not thank you for bringing it into such a horrible environment.

If you're working and H is working overtime to makes ends meet, what's the problem? What's draining all the money? There are 2 things to consider when you are facing money pressure; 1 money coming in, 2 Money going out. Both can be adjusted.

It's reasonable that you pay a fair share of your MIL's bills but if you can't cover that now how can you afford a baby and all the costs that go along with one?

I'd suggest you do what you need to do so your H can reduce his working hours. If it means taking the knife to some costs ask yourself if they're worth all this grief. The you can both reconnect a bit, and start coming up with a better plan.


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## CarlaRose (Jul 6, 2014)

Other members are responding to you, so I guess I'm the only one who doesn't understand your post or what the problem is between you and your husband.

Why have you not had sex in a year?

Why are you getting fertility treatments if the you don't have sex?

What does him resenting his mother have to do with your relationship?

What does him resenting his mother have to do with the two of you not having sex in a years?

What does him resenting his mother have to do with the demise of your relationship and thinking about divorce?

Obviously, there are problems in the relationship, but you don't mention anything that poses a problem to the relationship. You only told us.....

1. His father passed
2. His mother needed help, so the two of you moved in with her.
3. You haven't had sex in a year.
4. You are taking fertility treatments to get pregnant (but you don't have sex???)
5. You tried to talk to him but he got upset (tried to talk about what???)
6. He became upset in the discussion and feels he deserves for you to leave him.

I got nothing.


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