# Need help staying "cool"...cause it's so hot!



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Hiya,

Some of you may know me from my sad story on the divorce forum. I'm glad to say I feel myself moving on, which has definitely been helped by the somewhat sudden appearance of a steamy love affair in my life.

I say somewhat, because I have know him for over 3 months, but finally realized I was attracted to him and wanted to act on it right away. He responded with way more interest that I could have even hoped, and I'm kind of still reeling from it.

In a whirlwind week, we have had a few really magical dates, with lots in common and lots of physical attraction. But he also got freaked out and told me he wanted to take things slow...I'm okay with that too, sort of...

But what does take it slow mean? We've talked about it a bit more and he's really cozy and intimate and then is also like, "We'll just take it one step at a time".

And it's been 10 years since I've done this, and back then, I didn't really even date. NOw I find I'm frazzled after 24 hours of not hearing from him. Like, I think even after a week I can trust that he wants to hang out again, and I've made it clear I do too, and we've talked about things we want to do "later"...like "I'll show you that sometime" or "I'm not ready to talk about that right now."

But I'm so impatient! And excited! And I have a 7 year ld and he has no kids and we're both busy, but I already feel like I'd like if he was a little more forthcoming with attention....not just when I'm with him but in between...little phone messages or whatnot. 

And I'm not wanting to put that as an expectation and get all disappointed. But it's maddening to be in that stage of pace-setting...he's joked already that I may be a control freak with my desire to initiate things...and there are 5 nights of the week when I can't see him as I'm with my D (and I'm not going there yet AT ALL), so I figure, I want to spend the other 2 with him.

But I want him to ask me, especially since the "take things slow" talk, and me telling him I wasn't going to rush him.

Can I be respectful and let him lead/set the pace? Can I calm my insecurities and my sheer excitement? We have lives to live, we can't be horny and all over each other all the time. I get that. But I guess I just get ahead of myself and wonder, when can I just relax AND get to see him as much as possible?

Advice?


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Take is slow means your needs to feel connected to him, to feel that you are important to him, your need for him to show desire for you are too much to ask for. Too much for right now and possibly too much for the future as well.

I don't know anything about your back story but is seems clear that you are getting a lot of reassurance because he IS attracted to you. You want more reassurance from him. More from him means you feel more secure and more worthy.

So, stop analyzing the relationship, his feelings and meanings behind his behavior, and stop analyzing your feelings.

Right now you are thirsty for validation, so thirsty that filling you up may not be possible for any man. Right now, you have to find a way to fill yourself up. Right now, you have to learn to validate and reassure yourself that you are worthy of being loved.

In Plain English: act nice, polite, interested and happy. Do not initiate contact. Do not avoid contact. Pull yourself waaaaaaay back.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Read this book, it is a blueprint for "going slow" but also for having a really great courtship.

Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship: John Gray: 9780060932213: Amazon.com: Books


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Thanks, FW -- I did have a look through the book. 

But really - does it have to be so strategic? I don't understand what is so scary or off-putting about showing I'm interested. I like him, I'd like to hang out, and I'd like to not be left hanging. 

I get that he likes me when he's with me, and he's initiated a couple of really nice dates. And I may be really excited about the emotional connection bit.

But I hate feeling like I'm being played. It's been three days since we hung out. I guess he's just "busy"? But if he was really into hanging out, he would call, right?

Last week when I asked him about the "don't rush me" text he sent, he said that it was nothing, just a moment of freaking out. 

And apparently I'm supposed to back off and let him lead. But when do I honour my own feelings of feeling a little disrespected, maybe a little used?

What of the possibility that if he's not interested, then maybe I'm not interested, and that the right person for me wouldn't play games like this?


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

You only know him three months and just started dating the past week or so ! Try to relax and step back. He obviously likes you and is attracted to you and has done nothing wrong or disrespectful that I can see . I don't see why you think he may be using you? What makes you think that? I think your expectations need adjusting. You are looking for too much too soon in my opinion. I think it's a good sign that he is not looking to jump into something serious quickly. It says positive things about him to me. One is that he is discerning...among others. Try not to think about him and what will happen so much. Put your thoughts back on yourself and enjoying your own life. Let things develop on their own with him without pushing for clarity.... You are just getting to know each other.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

"Taking it slow" means exactly whatever he wants it to mean. It could mean he wants to take a little time getting to know you better, or that he's recently been burned by jumping into a relationship too quickly and doesn't want to make the same mistake again. Or it could mean that he's commitment phobic and wants to see what other options he has. Or it could mean that he's already in a relationship with another woman that he wants to keep you from learning about.

My point is, he gets to define "take it slow." If you want to know what it means, ask him. Listen to him. But don't put any deadlines or obligations on him. Don't say "You promised me that we'd go on vacation after you finished that big project at work. Well, now you've finished it. Where's my reservation to a Sandals resort?"


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think it's good that he wants to take it slow. 

Why rush things? Anticipation is awesome. Not only that, but you get to know eachother well/better.

Are you divorced yet? If not, when will you be? How long have you been separated for? This could be why he wants to take it slow--if you have jumped from marriage to a new relationship.

How long have you been dating for? Have you had sex? 
What's his romance background? Is he recently out of a LTR?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> "Taking it slow" means exactly whatever he wants it to mean.
> 
> My point is, he gets to define "take it slow." If you want to know what it means, ask him. Listen to him.


:iagree:


----------



## LivingBreathing (Feb 21, 2013)

Taking is slow is much better than taking it fast. He wants to make sure that this relationship is based on feelings and not on hormones. I would be happy with this because he is interested in being with you for your companionship. He seems like he really wants to get to know you so do take it slow.


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

When someone takes it fast, it means they rush into things with their hormones driving the ship. They dance over red flags because they feel so good. They let things progress farther and faster than they should because "it feels so right."

A person who is taking it slow understands that knowing someone for 3 months is no indicator of long-term compatibility in a relationship. They know that having a super sappy "this is so amazing" feeling after a few dates is not emotionally healthy.

If he's so amazing and perfect for you, then chilling out for a little bit isn't going to kill you.


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

OK, guys, I get it. Thanks for the unanimous response. 

I need to cool it. 

From my perspective, though, hyped up on hormones though it may be, I think it's kind of rude to sleep with someone - not in a ONS kind of way - and then not call them all week or make plans to see each other again. 

But that's just me, and I'm willing to suspend that and see where this goes. Because I do like him. And I don't think that's the hormones talking.

BTW, jellybeans:

I have been separated a year. Not divorced. 

We've known each other 3 months, been dating 2 weeks. Slept together on third date. 

No idea about his background and I was told I shouldn't ask.

I feel rusty for sure after 10 years with my ex and I feel like I don't trust myself, like my instincts are wrong on this.

I really don't want to rush things either (but we sure had sex fast, which I was totally fine with), but would like to know when I'm going to see him again because I ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH HIM...and I don't understand the BS about me not being the one to initiate a date. This isn't 1950. 

But I do get the message clear form those of you who responded. Thank you. I'll do my best to just proceed with my own life and not feel angry. 

Man, this feels tough and not fun. I wish it was.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It wouldn't feel so tough not to reach out to him if you hadn't slept with him too soon. You say you were "totally fine with it", yet this feeling of anxiety is the price of it.


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Well I felt anxious even before I slept with him so I guess I've just got issues. I will try to take it slow.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes if you felt anxious before that, then this will keep happening to you. The M/V book is really great, please don't just discount it because it sounds "old fashioned". Hey - I'm married to a Sex God and I still use the tips from that book! Old fashioned...whatever. I call it Good Girl Game.


----------



## Wild Mustang (Oct 26, 2013)

_No idea about his background and I was told I shouldn't ask_.

Can you elaborate? Who said not to ask, him? 
In the three months you've known him did you not get any background from him?

This may be a red flag. He may be seeing another/others. 

Also, even though you are fine with sex on the third date, that's not exactly taking things slowly.

_But I hate feeling like I'm being played. It's been three days since we hung out. I guess he's just "busy"? But if he was really into hanging out, he would call, right?_

Keep track of your gut reactions over the next few encounters and reevaluate the relationship. 

Does he reply to texts you send?


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

lucy mulholland said:


> But I hate feeling like I'm being played. It's been three days since we hung out. I guess he's just "busy"? But if he was really into hanging out, he would call, right?





lucy mulholland said:


> From my perspective, though, hyped up on hormones though it may be, I think it's kind of rude to sleep with someone - not in a ONS kind of way - and then not call them all week or make plans to see each other again.


From my perspective, you slept with him and I consider that much more intimate than a date. Unless of course it was specifically discussed ahead of time that it would only be a FWB or ONS...

Me personnally, I would expect some contact after that type of interaction. I agree with not bombarding him with texts/emails/phone calls. But a simple text expressing that you had a great time is not unreasonable. 

I too would wonder if 3 days had passed and I had not heard anything, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Usually the beginning is the time you make that decision to stay or move on, and no communication is a bad sign. Agree with WM about a re-evaluation after a couple weeks.




lucy mulholland said:


> I have been separated a year. Not divorced.


Again, just me. This would be a red flag, which may contribute to some of his behavior (maybe not). First of all, you are still married. I don't mess with married women. Second, I would wonder if you are done dealing with all of the emotions after a long term relationship. Took me a couple of years.


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Thanks all for the perspectives. 

to answer some questions...

WM -- He did not tell me not to ask. It was a good friend of mine. I do know he's single.

We've known each other three months but the background I didn't share is that he was my acupuncturist up until I asked him out. So it felt like we were becoming friends but also in a patient/therapist relationship, so a bit different. I had other therapist friends who said, he'll never ask you out, so I did. And then he told me, "DO you know how hard it was not to flirt with you?"

I'm calmed down a bit, I'm just going to wait it out. I like him, I think he's given me enough signs he likes me, but there are some bigger things in the background that will come up eventually.

It would be weird if he wasn't thinking a little bit about my relationship history - he knows I'm separated, knows it was a hard year for me, and that's about it. It's too early to talk about, I think.

I do feel ready to do this, and I'm glad he's said he wants to take it slow. Even with the early sex, I don't think that's necessarily a mixed message from either of us. I haven't had sex in a year, so I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in that off the bat. But yes, it's then not entirely fair of me to have all these expectations of him right away. 

Sure, I still have emotions from my split to work through, but I'm going with my gut that says I'm willing enough to risk my heart a little and keep healing, too, through my own work (journalling, meditation, affirmations), IC and talking with friends.

Definitely not FWB or ONS in my opinion -- he said "let's take things one step at a time" and that he doesn't usually jump into things, but that in the past he's burned up and burned out. So I'm willing to learn patience and let him lead. And try to just have fun. 

Thanks again, all of you.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I apologize in advance for this! I am more playing devils' advocate than being disagreeable, so take it with a grain of salt.

Coming from a guy, we don't usually play like this. Telling someone we need to take it slow AFTER sleeping with them, is not a good sign.

It could mean absolutely nothing, but it could also mean many many things...

Perhaps he hasn't been sexually active in a while, and jumped the gun, and now feels a bit of regret. Perhaps there wasn't a physical connection there for him. Perhaps this is all he was looking for. Perhaps he wasn't expecting any more than that. Perhaps he doesn't want to be a rebound relationship.

Perhaps it just means that he wants to take things slow.

But, to me, he slept with you. That's not really taking it slow.

I'm telling you straight up, as a man, we don't do that sort of thing - sleep with someone then tell them we want to take it slow. We're not usually good at taking it slow to begin with, when we've met someone we're really attracted to. We're the pursuers most times, and the woman is typically the one who is chased, as it were. It's the game (and the roles can certainly be reversed, especially in this day and age), but it's generally not in our genes.

When two people feel the same level of attraction early in a relationship, they want to be together all the time, it's just natural. If he's not feeling the same way as you are, then that's a red flag for sure. It's imbalanced.

Maybe he's getting a vibe from you that you don't know you're giving out, and it's turned him off? Maybe he wasn't expecting the sex to feel like "relationship sex" with the cuddling and loving touch etc. afterwards, and this freaked him out.

He's not feeling the same way you are right now. This could change, but it's not off to a great start. Don't you want to be with someone who wants to be with you all the time, especially at the start of a relationship?

I don't know, he could be genuine about this, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, hope for the best, expect the worst?



lucy mulholland said:


> Thanks all for the perspectives.
> 
> to answer some questions...
> 
> ...


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Lucy... I went back and read some of your old posts. I am sorry for how your marriage ended...that sucked. 

That said, given all you have gone through in a short period of time...I hope you go very slow with any relationship right now. If you could find a nice make out buddy (fully disclosed, consensual), just to get some intimacy without tangling into a new relationship just yet...that might help. This may sound like an odd suggestion but it can be theraputic to just get some touching and kissing but not be "involved" with someone's life deeply and they not in yours. Just a nice distraction that is fun without being tied down. You have some healing left to do. Is this guy you are dating the first one since your separation?


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Hey there,

Thanks for the responses. 

It's all a little mystifying to me, but I'm trying to just go with my feelings and also keep my head (a little). 

It is my first anything (except very small crushes and one attempt to ask someone out that was awkward and I didn't pursue it) since my separation.

I might as well put it out there that I am pretty much in love with this guy. I'm willing to let him set the pace. From the time we've spent together now, I feel reassured that he's into me, and I don't feel like we need to spend all our time together. In some ways that would be nice but I don't think you can force it. 

He's invited me to do things with him at the end of the month and at the end of December, so this seems fairly intimate and forward thinking to me. 

It did feel like "relationship sex" right off the bat, but I've kind of always been like that and if it freaks a guy out, not much I can do about it. I'm pretty intense that way. 

I'm just going with it now, not going to read too much into things and assume that he's not that interested in me. 

There are conversations we can have in the near future about what we both want...in the bigger picture. But so far we've covered (in a casual way) buying land together and travelling together. 

I think he is the kind of guy who jumps in fast and that for some reason he's trying to put on the brakes a little. 

I'm the kind of girl who jumps in fast but is usually the one leading things, so I'm going to try to be patient and let him do his thing. 

And totally enjoy the times I spend with him.

I just don't want a make-out buddy at this point in my life. I found this guy, we have a really good connection and are getting to know each other, and I know I'd like more with him. So I'll wait for it and keep busy with my own stuff. Goodness knows we both have enough to keep us busy.


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Oh, he was also married once, really young (24) and it lasted a year. It came up very casually, he said it was a dumb thing involving immigration, and that there wasn't much to say about it. He asked about my marriage and I didn't really want to talk about it yet. 

There's certainly a feeling of seriousness -- like all the big things we could talk about that we're not yet, his mom's cancer, my ex and the co-parenting we're trying to do (but in my opinion, failing). Trying to keep things light, playing music together and having beautiful times together in nature (hikes, boat rides), enjoying food...

It's good.


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

PS. I guess I don't understand the "tied down" thing...I want a life partner, and while I don't know if this guy is it, I'm not going to fake that I'm not that interested.Same for him - if he thinks a relationship with me will tie him down, he hasn't gotten to know me well enough. I like a lot of freedom and flexibility in my relationships as well as lots of intimacy and trust. I'll take it slow, for sure, but I don't think I need to be alone to continue to heal...


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Also - alexm...

Is it really a rebound relationship a full year after we separated?

I've mourned long and hard for my marriage, and I feel like I'm really ready to move on. 

I'm definitely not looking to rebound with this guy...


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Well... yes! (and no). Sure, it's been a long time, but at the same time, it's your first foray into dating since, and it's exciting and new.

I don't know what the statute of limitations on "rebounds" are, lol! 





lucy mulholland said:


> Also - alexm...
> 
> Is it really a rebound relationship a full year after we separated?
> 
> ...


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Well, any tips on not making your first foray into dating a rebound?


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Well, it's different for everybody, and only you know yourself.

Just make sure the other person is on the same page as you (and vice versa), whatever that page may be.

A rebound relationship could mean you are looking for fun, or it could mean you're looking for a mate. You just have to ensure that the other person is looking for the same thing as you.

And more importantly, you have to have the proper mindset, if you're looking for a mate. The first one you have feelings for, or vice versa, isn't necessarily the best choice. Because it's been so long since you've had those feelings (or had somebody else be interested in you), it's quite easy to fall in love.

There's also the normal reaction of saying to yourself "it's time to move on" or in some cases "I need to show my ex/other people that I've moved on". This should never be the impetus for starting a relationship.

I believe strongly in rebounds after a lengthy marriage or relationship. They help to settle the brain and get you back in the flow of dating, and there's usually no pressure involved because you're not planning for the future.

In your case, based on what you've written here, you should just take this one day at a time and not worry about it. If it ends up being a fun, short time thing, then embrace it. If you end up marrying the guy, then great. Just make sure he's on the same page before you start discussing plans for the future.



lucy mulholland said:


> Well, any tips on not making your first foray into dating a rebound?


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

thanks for writing, alexm...


i know i fall in love fast - i almost always have. sometimes i got burned, other times not. 

i'm not sure when to have "that conversation" with my new man. i liked him a lot before i asked him out, and i just keep liking more and more of what i find out. 

we've touched on some of the bigger stuff, like him telling me he's been married too, and we're definitely talking about long term dreams each of us has that just happen to be almost exactly the same. 

i get a really good feeling about him in terms of his steadyness, but i also hear him saying he's had lots of restlessness in his past and feels ready to settle down. so it's a little all over the place, too. 

i can imagine getting involved with a woman in her 30s with a kid is a bit of a bigger deal than any ol' dating, but that's just me. i dated and fell for a guy in my early 20s, and he had a kid, and broke it off when he thought it was getting too serious. so who knows.

right now i'm working on taming my desire to know everything and control what's going to happen, because obviously i can't. and just be patient. and honest with him. 

in truth, it drives me crazy, the whole relationship business in general, that you can invest in and love someone for years and still have it all fall apart - TAM and my own break up have taught me that. i'm trying to not be anxious about that, because that would be an awful way to base a relationship. i want to trust my own heart and believe in my strength, to assess whether or not any relationship is worth pursuing. 

but i do want a mate. and i'm not in a rush because i am enjoying my time alone now, too. 

ah, love. nervewracking and wonderful. i'm going to enjoy it and let the "conversations" happen when they may.

thanks again.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Did he say he wanted to take things slow before or after you had sex with him?


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Before  

It was more of a conversation that I started, after we had kissed but before anything else happened, and I said, I don't just do this with anyone. I think my words were, I don't take this kind of thing lightly. And he said, I don't either, and I haven't felt a connection like this in a long time, and we can just take things slow.

And I was all ready to have sex and that night he didn't want to. It was a whole other week and two more dates late before we had sex. 

And I'm into it but I don't know when to have that talk, to initiate it or to just let it happen. Or to just relax. I mean, he's taken me to his parent's house and shown me the land and made plans with me for two months down the road...

Our last date felt like something shifted, from "a few dates and we're hot for each other" to "we're dating, maybe even a couple." But do we need to have that conversation?

With other boyfriends I never did...


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

You can't really avoid a rebound. The first relationship you have is always "the rebound" (or almost always).

So this guy - even though you like him - is in the rebound position.

If you really like him and don't want him to be the rebound, you should step back and date others...get some mini-rebounds under your belt...THEN it might be possible that this guy could step back in and not be the rebound.


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

I don't know, guys. I get your point, I really do. 

But I can't help the rebound thing. I guess I can talk to him about it. And stay open in theory to "dating others". But I'm not really interested in that. 

I prefer the take things WAY slow approach to the date others on purpose even though I like him approach. 

I just can't imagine saying to him, "I really like you, so I think I should date other people"

??


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I actually had one guy say that TO ME because he was the first I dated after I left my H. He said he did not want to become the rebound.

But...he was that.

We still broke up. And everything worked out just fine.

One of the problems of being in that new relationship for the first time is that you do WANT to sink in closer and you don't WANT to keep your options open. However, that desire is not actually in your best interest. It is there, and it is strong, but it is not actually what you need.

You need to be standing well on your own before you couple with someone, and until you are standing well on your own, your couplings will be troubled.


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Thanks, FW. I appreciate your perspective.

But I think I am standing well on my own, and I know that I don't want a superficial relationship just to get it out of my system or something. 

I don't think I've jumped into this too soon after my relationship with my H ended. I'm not in a rush to prove that I'm over him. I do sense he's setting a slow pace because he knows I'm "recently" out of a long relationship and because he's jumped into things in the past. I could be wrong but that's the message he's giving me.

We live in a small town, I'm not going to hook up with a bunch of the single guys and then go back to the person I really want to try a relationship with. I just can't see it. I've come across this person without really looking for it, and I ant to see where it can go. 

So thank you for the advice, but I think I'm going to just go with the "slow" thing...as in, not start making plans for the future with this guy until we've spent a lot more time together, and be open and honest with him, and hope for the best. 

Of course that might mean either one of us realizes it's not what we want. Sooner or later. There's always that potential. 

But right now there have been some beautiful moments and enough excitement to just ride for a while. I'm not breaking that off. If he wants to he'll have to let me know that.


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Well, most of you were right. 

He's broken it off. 

He thinks I'm too intense. 

The se was probably WAY too much like "relationship sex," as one of you put it.

He wants to go back to being friends. 

(We weren't really just friends before, but...)

He's not sure what he wants. 

He's has a ****ty breakup this year (I didn't know). 

I scared him off. 

I'm more invested than he is.



All true points he made during a big talk we had. I saw him out with a girl and as I'd had a few glasses of wine and was feeling edgy anyway, I asked him, when he came up to me, if he was on a date. He said no, it's my roommate. I hadn't recognized her.

Anyway, we hung out in a group of friends most of the night and had a nice time, but the talk was looming. 

And I guess I'm not surprised, just disappointed that I could scare someone off so easily, just by being interested in him. 

So maybe we'll be friends. Maybe in backing off he'll realize he likes me more than that. But it kinda feels like no. It felt like being dumped. 

And I'm a little mad, for all the nice relationship-py things he was saying to me when we were together, the plans in advance...if he was only in it, as he said, with "no strings attached". Sounds like a little bit of bull****, but isn't that what dating is all about?

So. At least now I know.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Lucy, I still wish you would buy the book I recommended on page one of your thread. It will help you, I promise.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Lucy, I'm sorry, and I wish we were wrong 

But later on, you'll see that this was necessary.

Also, don't stop being you. Just because it scared this guy off, doesn't mean you will scare the next one, or the one after that. Somebody will love the intensity, and that's the one for you!


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

I'm not THAT intense  Plus I think he kind of liked it, and I acknowledge he has things of his own to sort out and got overwhelmed. 

I'm not giving up on him, but I will back right off and nurse my wounds a little, make sure I'm aware of what I need and not settle for disrespectful treatment. Be open to what else is out there, too. 

I'll be ok. Thanks guys.


----------



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

```
He thinks I'm too intense.
```
I have been accused of this before.... and obsessive... but you know what???

There are men out there who will love my kind of crazy!!

Being intense is AWESOME!!!!


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Pity party here tonight. This sucks. I feel really broken up with, now, despite what I want to believe about the "taking a step back" talk.

Hard not to just feel jerked around, like he's a bit of a jerk himself. Damn, and I liked him so much. 

How do relationships ever work? One person likes the other person a little bit more, and that's reason to call it off?

All this red flag stuff, when really we all have issues and isn't a relationship supposed to bring some of that stuff up? So why do people continually run away from it?

I'm tired of being sad and alone. I want to get on with my life and be happy. But all this annoying nonsense keeps happening!

I know, I sound like I'm about 12 years old. Life sometimes sucks and I just don't like feeling like I'm not good enough for someone who didn't really even give things the time to grow before calling it off. 

Too bad it's such a small town, I'll have to see him around, and of course I can't be angry with him because then I'm just that *****y girl he's glad he didn't stay with. 

My mind is telling me to just let it go, that someone who doesn't like you enough to "see where it goes" in a respectful way, not in a sex-with-no-strings-attached way, is not someone I want to be with.

But my heart is saying, maybe...I'll just give him some space...and see where it goes. 

Or is it the other way around? Does my mind or my heart know better?

I feel like a fool.

Thanks all for humouring me.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Again...I do wish you'd read M/V on a Date. The thing is, all the questions you are asking right now are answered in that book. INCLUDING (this might be how I can convince you!) steps to take that MIGHT actually create a way for you and this guy to end up back together.


----------



## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Thanks, FW. I did read a bunch of it on the "look inside!" feature on Amazon. I haven't bought it though and my little library here doesn't have it. I'll give it another go. thanks.

( and yes, you did get me with your hopeful teasing...


----------

