# He just stinks!



## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

My dh smokes. 

He smokes outside, but he just came back in the house and sat down on the couch beside me and he just reeks of cigarette smoke smell! It is just disgusting. 

I stopped kissing him ages ago. When he turns over in bed to snuggle or get close I can smell the stale, stale smell from deep in his lungs.  

When he gets up in the morning he coughs and coughs. He coughs throughout the day. 

He says he doesn't smoke in my car, but when I turn on the air conditioning I can SMELL the old smoke smell in my car! 

He won't stop.  He's gonna die from this. His chest just gets more and more concave, the muscles weaker and weaker.

Am I bad to dislike him for being so stupid? For breaking his promise to quit? Isn't a deal a deal?


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

I'm with you on that one Sandy. I can't stand to be around a smoker either. I guess I should also list that in the disqualifications list over in the dating thread! lol I just keep getting pickier and pickier!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Country Girl said:


> I'm with you on that one Sandy. I can't stand to be around a smoker either. I guess I should also list that in the disqualifications list over in the dating thread! lol I just keep getting pickier and pickier!


CG: 
This is what makes me so angry at him! I married him when I was 29, smoking WAS on my list of dis-qualifiers back then when I was dating. A MAJOR one. When we first started dating I didn't know he smoked, because he HID it well! He also smoked these really lite cigarettes, and never smoked any time I was with him. Then I found out he did smoke, and I CLEARLY told him, after he asked me to marry him, "I will not marry you if you smoke". SO, he claimed to have quit, but a week after we married, I discovered he was smoking, and later admitted he'd never quit, but had hidden it from me.

I feel so duped. We had our first son, and the day he was born, he promised me to stop...it was his first son, and I discussed with him, (he was 36 when this first son was born), that if he did not stop, he would die before he had grandchildren...

blah, blah, blah....

NOW, we've had three kids, each child, he promised to stop. He hides it for a while after each kid, and now...here we are 24 years later....and he ---- just came back in AGAIN, stinking of this! 

It just makes me so sad, so very, very sad....this is one of the primary reasons I am moving out: I never wanted to live with an old man who smokes, or ends up with lung cancer, or can't even walk three blocks! 

I am a really health conscious person, I work several times each week....always have, what did HE expect?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

With the prices of cigs going up and up... quitting may be something he considers soon.
Get some smokers gum, a small package and have him try them out.

Far as smell.... be glad he doesn't smoke inside. I've walked into peoples homes who smoke inside and I don't know how they live in the house with it reeking and smokey.

My husband coughs and coughs too but he doesn't smoke much... at his work he is exposed to industrial chemicals and sometimes I can smell them coming from his lungs. He won't go to the doctor either.

sandy you and I have lots in common  lol


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

Sorry Sandy! I would be throughly disgusted too. I guess I better be REALLLLLL careful.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Sandy...I smoke, too. 

I know it offends some people. One time I went in for tests and the receptionist had an allergic reaction. 

It's a VERY HARD habit/addiction to break...harder than cocaine or heroin! 

I wish I could find an easy way to quit! I wish I had a magic genie in a bottle! I don't know what to do in that regard. 

I don't want to live forever, but would like to live longer. I know it won't happen. 

That's why my profile says "must smoke". 

I know it's wrong, strenuous (on the body)...I just don't know how else to deal with it. I've been smoking since I was 13 (56 now with a 3 year non-smoking period...another story). 

Even in HS, a bunch of us (who ran track) went across the street (for lunch) to the DQ and smoked (although not as much then as now). 

I know it's disgusting...like licking an ashtray. But it's so very hard to quit...


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

dcrim: I am SOOOO sorry you smoke! 

I have tried everything in the "book" but nothing works to convince him. 

When our ds#1 started smoking and I found out, I was SOOO angry! My ds #1, at 21, said to dh: "If you will quit with me, I will quit....".

Well, dh didn't even TRY __! He just says to ds: "You need to quit..." as he stands there beside him puffing....

I don't _understand_ why dh doesn't care enough to be an example for ds! 

Makes me hope I don't live long enough to see ds grow old with this stupid affliction.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

My husband smokes cigars, used to be these big expensive ones, now cigarette type ( swisher sweets I think)
He smokes about 1/3 of it and puts it out.... 

glad he is off the 5.00 a peice type and on the cigarette type.
The fact is, I dont mind the smell too much, but because he coughs and coughs I worry he has lung cancer.

I smoke too but not much. I plan to quit, have some gum, lozenges and chantix all ready. Damn things cost too much !!!
The effexor I take for hot flahes makes me not want to smoke much ( about 3 or 4 a day right now)
We do not ever smoke IN THE HOUSE.. no way !


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

I just don't understand smoking, well, I don't understand people who do drugs either, or people who say they are addicted to alcohol. 

I guess because I just don't have the urge to do those things...Ijsut don't have the empathy to understand? I wish I could understand behavior that isn't good for a person.

Maybe my addiction is food? I love food. But I control my consumption, it isn't easy either....I work at it every day, hate the gym some days, hate ignoring a chocolate cheesecake or ice cream. But I must, as if I don't I'd weigh a ton, and have high cholesterol, diabetes, FAT, FAT, FAT!!! and feel crappy!

Don't cigs make you feel crappy, dcrim and preso? 
When I see someone smoking I just think: Why not just wrap your lips around the exhaust pipe of a CAR? 

I feel bad for anyone who does not FEEL the need bad enough to stop.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

With me, I was exposed to smoking in the 7th grade as most smokers are addicted by the time they are in high school.
Remember I'm 50 and smoking was "cool" back then.

It's not that they make me happy or unhappy... its just a habit. I would much rather have this habit than the ones many of the people I went to high school with as drugs were "cool" back then too and so glad I never fell into that.

We all have addictions of some type, rather this than most others
negative habits. I'd rather have this than food addictions as that I feel would be worse to weigh 300 pounds.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Sometimes I have been tempted to try smoking so as not to eat. Just lately I've broken my "eat" when bored habit as I'd gained too much weight and am determined to stop this slide into fair, fat and fifty! Not. 

My big habit was chewing my nails. Boy was THAT hard to quit...when I was about 35 I think. I would STILL chew just my thumb nails - disgusting habit.

When I became a nurse at the ripe "old age of 49" I totally stopped, especially when I work, I simply cannot put my hands near my mouth when in a hospital.... Isn't going to happen!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I recently discovered one of my dogs has been eating the cig butts. He would sneak them as he walked by, like a lizard, snapping his tounge into the ashtray and coming in with one hidden in his mouth and eating it.
Now I'm careful to put the cig butts up high where he can't get them and I see him eyeballing the ashtrays.
MY DOG IS ADDICTED TO NICOTINE !!!!!!!!!!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Gads, that is FUNNY! Poor pooch!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Sandy, they don't make me feel crappy unless I've chain smoked (and i don't do that, but have). 

It's not good or bad (to me), but satisfying (due to the addiction). And calming (again due to the addiction). I can go hours without if I'm busy, my mind occupied. Otherwise, about 1 per half hour...if I'm on the road (driving), it's more like 1 every 20 minutes. Boredom, keep a wake. 

I started in HS (13) and smoked since (except for a 3 year period). I can drink and turn it off. My xW smoked, too but could turn it off (when she got pg). 

Different strokes... we all have our demons. 

I'm well aware of the statistics, don't need a lecture. 

It's an addiction. I know this. I live with it. But it's mine. 

Smoking won't stop your appetite, but it will deaden the taste buds making food less enjoyable. So, many opt for stronger or more spices, salt, pepper, etc. Mostly I prepare my food with no spices. 

aarrgghh...didn't mean to go on about this...


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Ugh I'm a smoker...it is a habit, a hard habit, funny a legal habit is the hardest one to bust....


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

Yes cigarettes do make you feel crappy.

You have one and feel fine.

Then later you must have another to make the urge go away.

The urge is the crappy feeling.

It must be fed, and regularly or the crappy feeling wont go away.

The people who only smoke a few a day have it the worst. They sit there tortured, counting the time till they can next light up.

Its 2 Fold:
- Nicotine Addiction
- Mental Addiction

You cant quit without killing both.

Its the perfect trap. We are all being hosed, yet me still wont give it up.

My time is coming though. I think about it more than ever.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> When I became a nurse at the ripe "old age of 49" I totally stopped, especially when I work, I simply cannot put my hands near my mouth when in a hospital.... Isn't going to happen!


That is about the age I retired from nursing ( RN)
I had enough to last a lifetime. Too depressing all the death, illness and disease. If I ever work again, will be doing something as far away from nursing as I can possibly get.
I get a pension now, a check comes every month which is all I want to do with it.
When I was getting my degree, I was one of the youngest students. The average age at that time was about 35, these days I think average age is much higher.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Well, I raised kids for 30 years and tried to manage part time career fitting around my dh's bizarre and monthly changing schedules (he's never had weekends, holidays, time off for special things...just work, work, work, as he loves his work, plus he was a reserve officer for 21 years on top of full time work).

Then, when his company was having issues, I went to nursing school to enable me to work (lots of openings and pays fairly well) in case he was laid off. Well he didn't get laid off, so I've not had to exercise my abilities as a nurse much, only a couple of years total since 2005.

I can't do adults, shoving those beds around, lifting heavy bodies, dealing with issues brought on by stupid living, I just could not hack that. People who have never done nursing have no idea how truly HARD physical work it can be!

So I am exclusively NICU nurse, my patients are tiny, fragile many times, but I love the NICU. 

Am starting again in a month, after an 18 month break. Nursing 12 hour shifts at night at 53 is a challenge, but gotta do what I gotta do!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

I try not to lecture people about smoking. I am not so sure I truly understand addiction. My mother smoked until she was 60, for 45 years and quit cold turkey when she was diagnosed with emphysema. Then she was on oxygen, you know the nose, hose, machine hookup, walking about with her "tank".

Well, she died last Feb...and watching her die because her lungs simply could not expand to enable the air to enter....

well, I just don't understand how anyone could take a puff knowing that may be what happens to them!

My dh gets mad at me when I say ANYTHING, I don't want to ever see him or anyone struggle to breathe, it is terrible. Kinda like being buried alive? KWIM?


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## WantsHappiness (Jun 17, 2009)

I quit smoking a little over a year ago and I can tell you, if someone doesn’t do it for themselves it’s not going to stick. He can’t quit for you, he can’t quit for the kids, he needs to quit because it is what he wants to do for himself. It’s a very powerful addiction and it’s not just physical. Cripes, the physical addiction is the easiest to deal with. 

Something else, and this is terrible, I fully admit that but when I was a smoker I loved smoking. I loved everything about it and the more people told me I should quit the more enjoyment I got out of every cigarette. However, I fully understand you not wanting to live with a smoker. He doesn’t realize how bad it smells. The sense of smell is dulled so you don’t notice. When I quit it was like a whole new world of smells.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

I KNOW he loves it, I can tell. He likes the routine of it. He is OCD and he is so predictable. He also lights up when he gets agitated or upset with me or the kids. Nearly dashes out the door to light up. 

When my mother quit after so many years of smoking she could not stand the smell after just a few months! Truly incredible how she went from one extreme to the other.

And the smell, taste thing. My dh opens the LID on the pepper shaker and DUMPS out pepper (and salt too), and he has gotten worse over the years. I worry if the house catches fire at night, he won't even wake up due to smelling smoke! 

The smell just permeates everything; and now that our ds 23 is also a smoker, and me and ds 15 are the only two here who don't smoke...even though they don't smoke in the house, it comes in with them each time they head outside to smoke. Which is 20-30 times a day!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

WantsHappiness: Good for you for stopping, I know it was hard, I just wish he could get the power to do it. He is so smart, I just don't get how someone smart just does this....killing thing, I see it as a very slow suicide.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Sandy -- it's a VERY HARD habit to quit. 

It IS an addiction (to nicotine). 

Even the patches don't really help...they're just an alternative delivery system. The pill(s) help by blocking the receptors in the brain, but it's still an addiction.

I got out of the hospital after my 2nd HA a few years ago...and while they gave me the pill to curb the desire...first thing I did was light one up!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Sandy -- it's a VERY HARD habit to quit.
> 
> It IS an addiction (to nicotine).
> 
> ...


Am very, very sorry you have this addiction! 

I truly do not understand how SOME people can just "cold turkey" (have known quite a few...actually) and others just do not? Is it a denial of what it is doing to one or what?

My dh is really good at denial....:scratchhead:


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

No, it's just better management.  

Or not so much an addiction as a "convenience" that one can discard/stop. 

For those addicted...cold turkey is one method (like alcoholics) of quitting (I think it's the best method...but it takes a LOT of support!).

It's not denial..I know the statistics. My mom worked in the surgeon's office at the air force base (WrightPat) and I've seen the encyclopedias (with pix!). 

I don't know how to explain it any better...we're all going to die anyway...yes, this method shortens our years...but you could still get hit by a bus. Would I change things? Yes. Can I change them...well...maybe, sort of...it's hard to fight any addiction...


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## Veronica Jackson (Jul 2, 2008)

My H smokes and stinks horribly, I hated kissing him. Even conversation is horrible. I even started smoking just so that i could stand it but my kids hated it...I quit after 2 months. He has Zyban but refuses to take it. He quit for 3 weeks and he was a very angry and moody person.

He coughs like crazy and it scared me to think that he isn't gonna live past 50 something with the rate that he smokes.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Well, dh is 60, terrible cough that has developed in the last 9 months.... If it were me I'd certainly at LEAST go to doctor...


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