# Any last minute suggestions?



## Heartbroken007 (Mar 31, 2011)

My thread is "My life as I knew it is over"
Felt like I needed a quick kick back of advice...

Been seperated 6 weeks and I'm meeting my H in one hour for our first "date night" since our seperation.

My wanting to say all the right things is overwhelming me right now. I have butterflies and haven't spoken to any close family or friends about this step I'm making.

Any last minite thoughts of encouragement, support or advice are welcome. I'm super nervous. 

It's not a "me" thing it's a "we" thing is all I can think of when discussing our future because all I wanna do is say I Need This That Or The other for this to work...

I know that's not going to go over well, but I really feel this should be on my terms since he's the one who left.

Let me know and Thanks so much in advance for any feedback.


----------



## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

I'm relatively new on this board, so I'll leave the words of wisdom up to the pro's on here but I would like to wish you a big GOOD LUCK! and HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL.

Give us an update as soon as ya can.


----------



## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Well, with me it is simple but NOT EASY. Don't put conditions on him that would put pressure to do something he can't. i.e, personality trait, weight, etc. I hate to say it but you can not change someones personality - they can't either. What they can do is work on how they outwardly handle that personality/character trait, but telling him he has to change this or that is a recipe for failure. Also, keep in mind that depending on the situation and responsibilities, some people can not alter their weight without a rigorous weight loss program and that is almost impossible if you are not willing to sacrifice 10 to 15 hours a week of us time to give it him for work out - with no conditions or terms. OK, so there are things that you can put a condition on, like messing around with other woman, drugs, alcohol, etc. Point is, all those thoughts you have about "I Need This, That or the Other..." is not a good idea. Give him breathing room - remember he has been on his own for six weeks it sounds to me that he may have gotten use to the idea of having some freedom with no pressure.

I don't know why he left in the first place based on your post, but consider the conditions you might be thinking to put on him - I can tell you it does not work - you have to chose to accept and love or to hold grudges - it's entirely up to you. Holding on to resentment will not help you to move forward. Trust is another biggie - you both have to learn how to trust each other again. I don't mean to be nasty about this and remember it's just an opinion.

You are correct when you say it's not going to go over well.

I am just making a comment and I hope you don't think that I assume that that is the case, I was just pointing out one situation.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't get emotional, Heart. Be warm but keep cool, like you have been all this time. Listen at what he has to say carefully. Validate what he says. Then state your piece.

He walked out on you, don't forget that. So you have a right to your boundaries. 

I wish you luck tonight. Look hot. I am sure you will 

We want a report back, mmmkay?


----------

