# So sad



## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

My wife and I decided on separation and divorce. We've had a lot of issues, and compounded with my son being a huge problem the marriage isn't fixable. We both understand this needs to happen at this point, but the enormity of it is really hitting me. I am so sad. Not a depression, just so sad. I'm 40 years old and I've been married since 22 and she was my first and only love, she's all I know.

My wife has been so mean the past few years, I'm not sure why I feel like I'm going to miss her so much. She's made my home life unbearable to where I wouldn't come home because I couldn't handle her nastiness. But still my heart breaks over this.

I was expecting to feel relief when she agreed that we should divorce. At first that's how I felt, but now I just feel so sad and empty. I suppose this is normal but man it sucks.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Sorry you are at this point in your life/marriage.


----------



## Snj1991 (Jan 2, 2018)

Ok now you're just being a bit pathetic. If you refuse to help yourself even a little bit, and do constructive things to move forward, you kinda deserve the misery you're creating for yourself and deserve to wallow in it.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Realizing your marriage is ending is very sad. And a bit scary. 

But you will get through this and in the end everybody...you your wife and your cild will be better off without all the toxic drama.

Good luck.


----------



## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Sorry your going through this. And divorce is a HUGE life changing thing even if you both want it. And I think you have to go through a grieving process, grieve your old life. I wish you the best!


----------



## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like it wasn't a decision that was made overnight. Given you've married 22 years it's not surprising you are sad it's ending. You're going through a grieving process and it's normal when something that ha been such a big part of your life is no longer going to be there.


----------



## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

Snj1991 said:


> Ok now you're just being a bit pathetic. If you refuse to help yourself even a little bit, and do constructive things to move forward, you kinda deserve the misery you're creating for yourself and deserve to wallow in it.


But I'm filing for divorce and leaving my wife, isn't that moving forward? It's OK to be sad about it, but pathetic to make no attempt to move forward and refuse any advice or attempt to change the situation, that's the difference.

__________________________________________________

Today was much better, I think I just need to keep trucking and get through it. Thanks for your replies, I just needed to vent I guess.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

it is okay to feel sad, this is the death of a marriage, granted the marriage in some ways was dying on its own, thanks to her behavior but it does not diminish the finality of it, so of course you need time to grieve it, whether your wife chooses to do so as well or not is her cross to bear but regardless before you move on you need time to grieve but also look to what went right in the marriage and take those with you into your new relationship when/if that comes along. in the end you become a wiser person on what to look for in a future partner.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

That feeling of sadness comes and goes during the divorce process. It's the result of disassembling a life together and it takes time to come to terms with that. When it hits, tell yourself you'll get through it -- because you will.


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

username77 said:


> My wife and I decided on separation and divorce. We've had a lot of issues, and compounded with my son being a huge problem the marriage isn't fixable. We both understand this needs to happen at this point, but the enormity of it is really hitting me. I am so sad. Not a depression, just so sad. I'm 40 years old and I've been married since 22 and she was my first and only love, she's all I know.
> 
> My wife has been so mean the past few years, I'm not sure why I feel like I'm going to miss her so much. She's made my home life unbearable to where I wouldn't come home because I couldn't handle her nastiness. But still my heart breaks over this.
> 
> I was expecting to feel relief when she agreed that we should divorce. At first that's how I felt, but now I just feel so sad and empty. I suppose this is normal but man it sucks.


If you don't mind my asking. How is your son a huge problem in the marriage?


----------



## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

stillfightingforus said:


> If you don't mind my asking. How is your son a huge problem in the marriage?


I believe he has ODD, he's always been a huge challenge for us to deal with. Unlike my wife I'm able to compartmentalize my sons issue and accept that I can't simply fix him with the wave of a hand. I believe a lot of it is genetic and he needs to work through therapy and be willing to change. I have 2 other children who don't show any issues and are great kids. I'm able to still be happy, enjoy hobbies, and enjoy portions of life outside my sons issues.

My wife is unable to do this, his behavior is all encompassing and she's unable to appreciate anything in life, ever be happy, and worse she resents and blames me for my sons behavior. I think she views the husband role as eternal fixer, and because I can't fix this quickly, just by being a father and husband, I'm a failure. She wouldn't agree with this, but it's how I see it.

I think my son will figure it out, he's just impossible to deal with right now.


----------

