# I am so lost



## LuvIZkillinme (Jul 14, 2012)

I will try and make this as short as possible. Three months ago my wife told me she is hitting 29 and is realizing she never got to be that 21 party girl. Since then I found out she was not only talking with a guy at work but slept with him she swears only once. It was the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. She knows all I want is her and my kids and I think is using that to her power. Last week for the third time she told me she wasn't talking to him anymore and actually gave me two and a half days that were just like when we were in love. It was wonderful. But the problem is she had a Xmas party that she wanted me to go to were he would be with his wife. I asked her if the only reason she was being like this with me was to get me to go to the party and she swore no. But the day after the party she went back to bei.g a complete ***** to me and I left the house yet again. Tonight I came to take everyone out just to see crouchless panties on the floor. That ripped my sole out. I don't understand why she would give me those two day of absolute happiness. How could she be so coldhearted to pretend to love me for two days. All I want is my wife and I try to think she is just going through a faze but it seems like she enjoys me out of the picture. I don't know anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Read the newbies link at the beginning of CWI forum.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

You can't be brief. The more info you give, the better the advice you will get.

Your wife is no longer the woman you married. She is a drug addict. If you want your marriage to have any chance to survive, you need to treat her as such. Don't believe anything she says, look at what she does. Do not leave the house or your kids, you aren't the cheater. You need to take a hard line. Demand no contact. Demand she write a letter of No Contact, and you make sure it isn't sappy, and that it gets sent. She has to quit, or he does. Tell his wife, she deserves to know, and it will help kill the affair better than anything else. Expose them to human resources at work (unless you want a divorce, then it's better for you if she keeps working). Demand complete and unconditional transparency. All passwords, access to all devices, no deleting of messages, full accountability as to her whereabouts. No marriage councelling unless she is maintaining nc. If she balks at any of this, kick her out, and file for divorce. See a lawyer asap at any rate and find out what your rights are.


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## GM_Sincere (Dec 23, 2012)

LuvIZkillinme said:


> I will try and make this as short as possible. Three months ago my wife told me she is hitting 29 and is realizing she never got to be that 21 party girl. Since then I found out she was not only talking with a guy at work but slept with him she swears only once. It was the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. She knows all I want is her and my kids and I think is using that to her power. Last week for the third time she told me she wasn't talking to him anymore and actually gave me two and a half days that were just like when we were in love. It was wonderful. But the problem is she had a Xmas party that she wanted me to go to were he would be with his wife. I asked her if the only reason she was being like this with me was to get me to go to the party and she swore no. But the day after the party she went back to bei.g a complete ***** to me and I left the house yet again. Tonight I came to take everyone out just to see crouchless panties on the floor. That ripped my sole out. I don't understand why she would give me those two day of absolute happiness. How could she be so coldhearted to pretend to love me for two days. All I want is my wife and I try to think she is just going through a faze but it seems like she enjoys me out of the picture. I don't know anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First of all brother, welcome to the club. My wife and I had a lot of issues. I was a horrible husband and father. Eventually my wife stepped out after I was living with another woman for two months. Immediately when she told me she had a weekend fling, I wanted to be husband of the year and work on our family and marriage. I poured myself in 100%, problem was it was not a weekend fling. It got to the point where I became controlling and a maniac, she just took it further underground and eventually it drove me so far insane, that our marriage counselor and her family began supporting her affair to get her away from me. It was probably the best advice she got. Now she is happily off and took our kids. I began a maniac. 

Second, you need to understand and know first and foremost, remember that you cannot control what she does. You can control what you will tolerate. The thing that bothers me about your situation is the disrespect. My wife knew better than to leave panties laying on the floor and do anything where I knew the guy would be around. She is straight up playing you. Two days of complete love, pulls you in and then she goes straight back to banging this guy with total disregard of you and your kids. She straight up plays wife, gets you to let up off her and immediately you find crotchless panties laying on the floor. She's not telling you what she thinks of you, she's showing you. Now, a bunch of guys on here are going to tell you to "gather evidence" and confront her with cold hard facts to where she cannot deny them and then install tracking devices, give you access to her phone, facebook and 100% transparency. Unless you want to have a warden/prisoner relationship where she'll constantly slap you in the face until either you go berserk and vaildate her cheating in her mind or you get tired of putting up with it.

I'm going to save you lots of time and heartache right now. You need to show some manhood and don't play with her ass. Many guys will call this a step-by-step 180. I call it manhood. Don't put up with it, she needs to know there are consequences. Most men it takes them years of lies and deceit and begging and betrayal to get to this point. I'm saving you right now. Don't think, just act. Remember you cannot control what she does, but you can control what you tolerate. You're not putting up with your wife plying you like a fool, playing wife and then giving another man the goods, freaky no nonsense sex, forbidden fruit up in the car, crotchless panties and all. All while you're dealing with the pain and begging and pleading and being treated like a punk ass, while handling the bills, kids and such. She wants to figure out what a 21 year-old party girl does? She thinks she is Snooki from Jersey Shore? Well you show her you're a man.

First, you wait until the kids are at school or get them to a sitter. While she is at work, you rip the bed sheet off the bed you share, grab her immediate belongings, clothes, perfume, crotchless panties, feminine hygiene products and wrap them in the sheet and tie it. Next, get in your car, go to ATM and get out two crisp twenty dollar bills. You immediately drive to her place of employment. Get out of car and walk up in there with her sheet packed with belongings.

You walk right up in the joint, office, factory or whatever. Either have her come up front to the reception area, walk directly to her office or work station and tell her "Here ya go, now you can act like one of those skanks from the Shore. I packed all you need for some good partying, so go have fun." Throw her belongings up in her chest. Crumple up the two twenty dollar bills and say, "Here ya go, you need this for your first night at some sleezy motel and to get your first few drinks. After this, your hot ass can work the street or maybe some guys will handle your needs. You wanna live like a 21 year-old *****, then you can support yourself doing just that". Throw the money up in her face. Then you bail.

Immediately drive to attorney, get the divorce papers filed. Then immediately go home and call her mom and dad, brothers and sisters and tell them they have 24 hours to come pick up her stuff. They have one shot to get all the stuff, what they don't get will get burned and if they don't come it will get burned. If she shows up at the house, act a damn fool until she realize she can't deal with you.

Start carrying on with your life like she don't exist. Now you think she will be mad and be done? Not at all. She will realize that you're not playing and beg and plead for you to take her back and "to talk". Immediately commit to not speaking to her for at least three months. Carry on with your life. She will see you're not playing and her behavior is unacceptable. She will likely lose her job and her folks will have to deal with her. Basically you're dropping an atomic bomb on her and turning her world upside down, just like she did you. Now she will have upmost respect for you and in the long haul, should you reconcile, this will never happen again because she knows you're not playing. But in the meantime, work on you and don't deal with her. In three months if she is not completely in shambles, having hit rock bottom and begging, screaming like a child and in the fetal position, only then you lay down the terms and conditions of reconciliation. But then make sure she is not living under your roof for another three months. She must suffer and hit rock bottom. As we know affairs are like a drug and she must lose everything. Thats if it's meant to be between you and her.

If not, now she is living the party life the way we all had too coming up. Since you love her, you're immediately throwing her into the lifestyle. 

She must be humiliated, treated like a low life kid who won't straighten up and hit rock bottom. Give her exactly what she wants and treat her as such. Under no circumstance, beg, go to marriage counseling, give her money, support her affair, act like a cuckold or even address her. Don't act upset or anything. Show her nothing but the door, cause you don't have to accept it. 

She wants to get the 21 year-old party girl out of her system? Well thats fine. But you're a man and don't have time for games. You do exactly what a man should do. Don't let her drive you to the point where you are insane and validates every reason why she cheated. You turn her world upside down, just like she did yours. The only difference is, you'll be fine. You don't need her. True or not, do it. You'll see exactly who she is in the weeks to come.

It is the only way. Trust me, either get there now or deal with this for two or three years and get to this point. The only choice you have, is what you will tolerate.

Zero tolerance. Show you deal in absolutes and to the extreme. No games. 

Good luck!!!!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

LuvIZkillinme said:


> I will try and make this as short as possible. Three months ago my wife told me she is hitting 29 and is realizing she never got to be that 21 party girl. Since then I found out she was not only talking with a guy at work but slept with him she swears only once. It was the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. She knows all I want is her and my kids and I think is using that to her power. Last week for the third time she told me she wasn't talking to him anymore and actually gave me two and a half days that were just like when we were in love. It was wonderful. But the problem is she had a Xmas party that she wanted me to go to were he would be with his wife. I asked her if the only reason she was being like this with me was to get me to go to the party and she swore no. But the day after the party she went back to bei.g a complete ***** to me and I left the house yet again. Tonight I came to take everyone out just to see crouchless panties on the floor. That ripped my sole out. I don't understand why she would give me those two day of absolute happiness. How could she be so coldhearted to pretend to love me for two days. All I want is my wife and I try to think she is just going through a faze but it seems like she enjoys me out of the picture. I don't know anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The question is not how she's such an evil person or why would she do these, it's what are you going to do about? Since you never put up a strong stand against her affairs she'll just cheat over and over again.

The crouchless panties makes me think she not only sleeps with this one guy but plenty more guys from her work. Are you willing to stay married to such an easy wh0re?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

LIKM,

I checked on your other threads. Your wife has been stepping out on you for at least 2 years, so she's hooked on the PEA brain sex drugs. She's let her inner slvt out and it must be fed and your wife has turned into a particular ravenous and wicked one. You've been trying to deal with her since you were in California and she isn't the least bit interested. I don't know why you would want her other than staying together so your kids don't become statistics. That's a good reason, but when they see mama leaving crotchless panties on the floor after her new guy friend leaves the house it ain't good, either.

Questions for you:

How is your testosterone therapy going?
Are you getting it up okay, now?
Do women check you out or hit on you?
How many kids and ages?
How often has she been giving these brief episodes of mercy sex?


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

LuvIZkillinme said:


> But the problem is she had a Xmas party that she wanted me to go to were _he would be with his wife_. _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tell his W ASAP.

He will most likely throw your W under the bus.

Then file for a D. The sad fact is most likely your W isn't going to get better. I’ve seen many Ds occur right when a W hits the 30s because they have mental shift that causes them to re-think their life. Anyway your W looks like she has decided she doesn’t want to play the role of W anymore and any attempt you make to try to stop her will just backfire. Best you can hope for is for her to wake up before its time to sign the final D papers, to try to “work” on the M at your end will just enable the A. 

She can only treat you as bad as you let her.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Look my friend you are being a doormat. Expose her affairs to the world and file for divorce. Then see what happens next.

She is still seeing this other guy and she like having her safe little family and have you pay for it. Stop it right now and expose the A to her family and friends today. Call this other guys wife up and tell her and again do it now


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## MysticMouse (Dec 17, 2012)

Don't leave. It makes it easier for her.

File for a divorce.

Tell the other mans wife.

Stop talking to your wife except for what you have to talk about like kids. No friendly chat.

She's another woman now. The nice girl was just an act. It was never her.

When I caught my wife cheating it was so strange. The guy was talking to a woman but her emails and texts were nothing like what I saw from her before. Now that I know about her other side they're both out in the open. We reconciled but my "new" wife is not like the old one, and she's not like the b!tch that was cheating on me. The two personalities merged. They were both her, but one was always bottled up. Your wife just unbottled her other side and you're seeing how bad she can be. Dump her and see what you have left when the dust settles.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why are you leaving?! You haven't done anything wrong. SHE is the one who should be leaving.

What the he!! kind of woman leaves crotchless panties just lying around the house anyway? She sounds like a real winner  

Your wife gave you those two days because she thought her other man wasn't going to be around. You are her second choice. As soon as OM came back into the picture, she dropped you again. But since you aren't willing to do anything about it, she'll just continue.


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