# Not sure what to do...



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

After a year of dating my b/f, things are relatively good with us. It hasn't always been easy with ex's in the picture, parenting after divorce etc. but it's getting better.

My b/f has a great relationship with his ex, they share some of the same friends etc. So he brought up New Years Eve, and kind of threw it out there that his ex was having a party, his kids will be there, and maybe a couple of people I know. I'm not sure how I feel at this point going to a party at his ex wife's, it just seems weird to me, and it's stressing me out. I haven't told him this because I don't want to look insecure about our relationship, and I really don't know how to express my feelings without coming across as exactly that. It's almost like he thinks I'll be cool about it because he's fine with it. I've met her a couple of times, and yeah, she's nice enough, but it's just my comfort level about the whole situation. Had it been a few years from now, I may have felt differently, but after only a year, not so much??

What do people think about this? and has anyone ever done the party/dinner thing with ex's and spouses present? I'm not worried about him going back to her, and really it's not something I have any control over anyway, but that's not the issue.

blah


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I think a year is a good amount of time, actually. Its not like you just met. I say GO to the party. I think its pretty awesome that his ex would invite YOU BOTH! His kids are going to be there, so this is an excellent chance for you to show them a good example, and let them know that you accept them and their situation. I had a great relationship with my ex husband's new wife, it made things so much easier and was good for our daughter. I think you would make a great impression on your bf.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Thanks, I guess I just needed some reassurance that it was a good idea. Not that it won't be stressful..lol.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

While I personally have not had this experience, I say go.
I also agree with 3x that is very cool and mature that his ex wife has invited you so it means she has moved on and feels that you are cool enough to be included in their holiday party. I think that is awesome. 
If you feel odd, just express your feelings to your boyfriend and be honest. Communication is key.
But it sounds great!


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

My H works with his ex-wife. They have no kids together and were married for about 6yrs or so. The divorce was really bad but they eventually got over it and became friends. The ex is married with 2 little kids. I had a hard time with their relationship at the beginning and my H was patient with me so I would get used to and comfortable with the whole situation. I did become comfortable. I have spent NYE with her family, she has Halloween parties at her house every year which we go to. She visited me in the hospital when I had my baby. I ask her baby advice, etc. Fast forward to now....my H wants a separation. She is actually the one who pushed him to go to counseling and trying to get him to work on our marriage and not bail. Actually....she invited me to spend NYE at her house with my daughter and her family because she knows that my H is probably going to go out and she doesn't want me to be home alone.

So it has actually worked out great in my situation. I think if your b/f has an ex in the picture, then try to get to know her and be comfortable with the situation. If not, then you may be looking towards a life of always having that fight. It's so much easier just to be friends.


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