# And the confusion continues!



## Ana_Nurse (Oct 24, 2009)

We have been seperated for three months now... at first I was a wreck, crying and begging, calling all the time. He would never answer the phone or return my calls. He wouldnt even come around to see our 3 year old daughter. Well when someone does that after a while you get tired of the rejection (i did anyway) and just completly left him alone. I would only contact if it had to do with the baby and only if it was something really important (school, sick). Well his family had wanted me and my daughter to come over for Christmas and I had agreed. Well as Christmas came closer I just got this feeling of not wanting to talk to them or even see my husband, I felt like going into hiding. Maybe because I didnt want to have to deal with the emotions of it all. So I started ignoring everyone and just left my phone off. I just needed some space. on Christmas eve my husband and his family kept sending me text messages and calling asking if we were coming over. I finally did respond that night and told my husband I was not going over but if he wanted to see the baby he could pick her up from my house.... he did and she stayed the night there with them. Then the next day his mom sent me a message saying they were very sorry I didnt come and they wished I would have been there. To make a long story short... That was a big move for me and I know everyone was shocked that I didnt show.I am always there and avaliable for everyone and I am just plain tired of it. Well after that my husband started coming around a lot more... thats all fine and dandy but what about our marriage? I had not mentioned anything about us untill yesterday I finally asked him if he had any intentions of ever coming home...
here is how the conversation went down:


me- i mean this in the nicest way possible. if your intentions are to never come back please let me know. i will not be angry or upset i just want to be able to move on and know that i did all that i could to save our marrage. i need that closure so please just be honest.
him- I am not trying to lead you on. So I am going to say never since your forcing an answer
me-i am not forcing an answer. I would just like to be able to grieve and move on if need be. i am looking for completion in my life for me and gigi (our daughter)
him-Then move on. I dont need this ana its because of you I am in this situation.
me-Its both our faults. you left, not me. i was willing to go through anything with you thick and then till deth do us part but you left. I am not arguing I am done with all of that. I have moved on in a lot of ways. I dont need you or anyone anymore that was the goal. i just needed to know your plans.
him-i don't know my plans.

so anyway that is where we are as of yesterday! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!


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## dumped4another (Dec 16, 2009)

Hey Ana,
I'm in the same boat as you are with my soon-to-be ex-wife. I should have seen this coming a mile away. Looking back now, I realize how much we didn't communicate...really communicate. My W is a quiet, rather introverted person by nature, wheras I'm very outgoing. My W told me about a year ago she hasn't been in love with me for some time. Instead of ending it then, she actually admitted to me that she was too much of a "coward" to tell me. She only told me when she had fallen in love with a man (married, as well) at work. We have an 11 yr old daughter, the center of my universe. After our divorce is final, I fear she's going to move right in with him. I try to get answers from her, but after more than a year of lying to me, it 's hard to believe ANYTHING she says. I just want to know what her plans are. Her answers are lies because she says she's going to find an apartment in town. She works per diem at the hospital, NEVER held a full time job, and when she was part time, she complained about all the hours she worked! She can't take care of herself and never has. The man she's in love with divorced his wife for mine. His ex is filthy rich and he came into a windfall from the sale of his $600,000 house. He bought a house with my wife and daughter in mind. I guess my point is, don't expect truth at a time like this. They are not the person you once knew, and everything they say is close to the vest. Lying, deceit is part of the landscape now, like it or not. I hate to sound so negative, but this is a snapshot of my life this past year. As I'm typing this, I'm home with my daughter and my W is at dinner with her future husband, my daughter's future step-dad. I can't make this up. Can't WAIT to get out and move on. I learned that all the answers I need come in time. Take care of yourself and your daughter. You are in my prayers. (Sorry this was so lengthy!)


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

It sounds like he made it very clear that he doesnt intend to come back. I think you did the right thing by distancing yourself from him and his family. I think you should continue to distance yourself from him until he says he's committed to making things work.


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Hello Ana... it sounds to me like he already knows what he wants and what he wants to do, but he doesn't want to commit himself to anything that he says out loud. When someone takes the step to move out, stop communicating, and more or less, stop being involved in the marriage... then there is no doubt that they already know what it is that they want.

He is trying to stall you and hold onto you as a Plan "B". You and your daughter shouldn't be a Plan "B" in his life. You are looking for direction and closure... like the rest of us here. He does not want to give you that.

He enjoys feeling this power over you and will more than likely continue on in this path. If he is not going to answer you out right, then consider a default answer. It's not like your questions are difficult. 

It would seem that you carrying on in where you are taking care of yourself and your daughter and moving forward is the best option. If he decides that he wants his family back, then let him play catch up. But for now, just move forward.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Hi Ana...just wanted to say that I know exactly where you are coming from! When I asked my H if we would ever work things out he said no but now that I act like I don't care he is all of a sudden wanting to know what I'm doing. I know how tough it is especially having a child...my daughter just turned 2. Wish I could give more advice .


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