# Vibrators, Am I not enough?



## cohoangler (May 9, 2014)

She's gorgeous and insatiable getting off daily... often multiple times a day. Married 6 months and terrific sex life. So.... why does she continue to use vibrators and get off daily? When together I'm more than happy to satisfy her appetite for multiple O's whether it's Oral, using the vibrator or rocking her world until she's gasping for air and begging me to stop. ... So, I feel like she's not saving her passion for me when she's getting satisfied with her toy. She says it just makes her even more horny to have sex with me when I get home from work. She knows how I feel but insists "it's my body and I'll do what I want and stop monitoring my vibrator use.. it's none of your business". Am I out of line?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you ever masturbate and/or use porn?

As long as you are satisfied sexually, I think she's right.

Your wife apparently has a very high sex drive. Does she have time in her day for anything else?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

cohoangler said:


> She's gorgeous and insatiable getting off daily... often multiple times a day. Married 6 months and terrific sex life. So.... why does she continue to use vibrators and get off daily? When together I'm more than happy to satisfy her appetite for multiple O's whether it's Oral, using the vibrator or rocking her world until she's gasping for air and begging me to stop. ... So, I feel like she's not saving her passion for me when she's getting satisfied with her toy. She says it just makes her even more horny to have sex with me when I get home from work. She knows how I feel but insists "it's my body and I'll do what I want and stop monitoring my vibrator use.. it's none of your business". Am I out of line?


Borrow her vibrator for your own solo use.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

As long as you're not being deprived, you're out of line.

Same thing if you use porn to get off sometimes, but never turn down your wife.

Both can enhance - or cause problems if abused.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

cohoangler said:


> She's gorgeous and insatiable getting off daily... often multiple times a day. Married 6 months and terrific sex life. So.... why does she continue to use vibrators and get off daily? When together I'm more than happy to satisfy her appetite for multiple O's whether it's Oral, using the vibrator or rocking her world until she's gasping for air and begging me to stop. ... So, I feel like she's not saving her passion for me when she's getting satisfied with her toy. She says it just makes her even more horny to have sex with me when I get home from work. She knows how I feel but insists "it's my body and I'll do what I want and stop monitoring my vibrator use.. it's none of your business". Am I out of line?


This is one reason why I don't even own one. Because at first it is ok to have, then it turns into jealousy over an inanimate object. I think you should be grateful she wants to have a go with it. You allow her to use it , even though it is just you two. I am sure at some point you though about her using it alone right?
She is just sexual. As long as it is her or both of you I don't see why...or maybe I am wrong...again. just some thoughts
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

Sounds like she's passionate for you anyway...so not sure what the big deal is. As long as you're not being shortchanged, and she's still jumping you and never turns you down, what's the problem?


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

I'm up in the air about it really. Not sure.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Does she have a job?

Is this for real?

In case it is, I get where you are coming from, to a point. It is just that we hear similar things from the otherside of the coin. 

Past a point, she may be compensating for something, just like many guys are obsessed with porn and are trying to fill some void, no pun intended. Sometimes people get bored. Sometimes they use it to escape. 

So what else does she do with her time? How do you know she does this? WTH?

I am not going to answer the poll. I would need more information. This may or may not be a problem. 

Now if she got off everyday and did not have sex with you ... now that poll I could answer.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Does she turn you down for sex? 

Personally I don't use one because I find it desensitises me. 

Do you madturbate? Does she have a higher drive then you?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

It would bother me too if I worked away from home and she was a stay at home and did this.

Six months in I figure she would only be wanting your toy for a while longer. But if you married her and she was always in to her toys its on you man. YOu married a sexually liberated woman. YOu can enjoy it or let it haunt you.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I don't get one thing... first time poster and they are posting a poll?

What gives...?


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## cohoangler (May 9, 2014)

Wow.. what terrific, thoughtful and insightful feedback... to the person who asked how I know, I monitored where and how the toy was placed in the drawer.. when I asked if she got off today she'd reply that she had and get mad that I knew and she was being monitored. Others; I bought the vibrator(s) for her to use solo during our long distance and long term relationship. I just thought her use of them would be as couple's toys not rolling solo as often as she does. Has she turned me down for sex? never. Has our sex life changed in the past 6 months? Of course. Second marriage for both, blending families with kids in HS/college, building a new home, moving to be together...etc She was every man's dream and completely focused on pleasing her man sexually... oral, positions, locations.. anything anywhere she was all in. Since moving in together it's her using the vibrator during the day and we usually having pretty great sex at night... but, her focus on pleasing / orally me has changed and the routine is that she cums 2-3 times by me servicing her orally then finishing in any number of positions.... her delivery of oral sex to me completely vanished.. for months.. thus my concern than her vibrator is replacing me. To those who asked about my use of porn to get off. We have Playboy's around and she's bi-curious/comfortable so she's totally ok with porn. Do I use it to get off ? no As an executive in healthcare I'm working 10-12 hr days and have little time to rub one out.. and honestly feel that if I did it would shortchange my wife's pleasure. If I rubbed one out in my only free time.. the shower before coming to bed, then didn't perform for her.. is that fair... should I care since I know she got off already while I was at work? :scratchhead:


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

cohoangler said:


> Wow.. what terrific, thoughtful and insightful feedback... to the person who asked how I know, I monitored where and how the toy was placed in the drawer.. when I asked if she got off today she'd reply that she had and get mad that I knew and she was being monitored. Others; I bought the vibrator(s) for her to use solo during our long distance and long term relationship. I just thought her use of them would be as couple's toys not rolling solo as often as she does. Has she turned me down for sex? never. Has our sex life changed in the past 6 months? Of course. Second marriage for both, blending families with kids in HS/college, building a new home, moving to be together...etc She was every man's dream and completely focused on pleasing her man sexually... oral, positions, locations.. anything anywhere she was all in. Since moving in together it's her using the vibrator during the day and we usually having pretty great sex at night... but, her focus on pleasing / orally me has changed and the routine is that she cums 2-3 times by me servicing her orally then finishing in any number of positions.... her delivery of oral sex to me completely vanished.. for months.. thus my concern than her vibrator is replacing me. To those who asked about my use of porn to get off. We have Playboy's around and she's bi-curious/comfortable so she's totally ok with porn. Do I use it to get off ? no As an executive in healthcare I'm working 10-12 hr days and have little time to rub one out.. and honestly feel that if I did it would shortchange my wife's pleasure. If I rubbed one out in my only free time.. the shower before coming to bed, then didn't perform for her.. is that fair... should I care since I know she got off already while I was at work? :scratchhead:


So the BJ's are gone for months now? Maybe she is being selfish. Finding all these ways to please herself when you are not there, on your long distance travels. She is has a high drive. Appreciate that. Just mention to her about the BJ's. Let her know you think she is being selfish. If you need to take care of yourself, do it. How could she get mad at you for that?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

cohoangler said:


> Wow.. what terrific, thoughtful and insightful feedback... to the person who asked how I know, I monitored where and how the toy was placed in the drawer.. when I asked if she got off today she'd reply that she had and get mad that I knew and she was being monitored. Others; I bought the vibrator(s) for her to use solo during our long distance and long term relationship. I just thought her use of them would be as couple's toys not rolling solo as often as she does. Has she turned me down for sex? never. Has our sex life changed in the past 6 months? Of course. Second marriage for both, blending families with kids in HS/college, building a new home, moving to be together...etc She was every man's dream and completely focused on pleasing her man sexually... oral, positions, locations.. anything anywhere she was all in. Since moving in together it's her using the vibrator during the day and we usually having pretty great sex at night... but, her focus on pleasing / orally me has changed and the routine is that she cums 2-3 times by me servicing her orally then finishing in any number of positions.... her delivery of oral sex to me completely vanished.. for months.. thus my concern than her vibrator is replacing me. To those who asked about my use of porn to get off. We have Playboy's around and she's bi-curious/comfortable so she's totally ok with porn. Do I use it to get off ? no As an executive in healthcare I'm working 10-12 hr days and have little time to rub one out.. and honestly feel that if I did it would shortchange my wife's pleasure. If I rubbed one out in my only free time.. the shower before coming to bed, then didn't perform for her.. is that fair... should I care since I know she got off already while I was at work? :scratchhead:


I may be having truble picking it out here. So she doe snot work? There are "kids" in HS / College.

But it really matters what she does with her time. 

Perhaps though if she did work, she may not just be all about sex. You may not like that.

Wedding cake can impact BJs. So are you supporting her children in some way? Was she supporting her self before? Long distance relationship. Why was that? You seem focused on her getting off without you. Hmmmm. I winder what she does with her day. Does she have nay friends?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Just wondering because she sounds like my first wife whose motor was running 24/7. The woman just wasn't HD. She was obsessed with sex and it was a cure all. 

What's going to happen if some stress comes in your marriage and you not in the mood and she's lying next to you in passing gear? 

I guess what I'm asking is, what is your marriage like in the other rooms of the house? Can she withstand a dry spell you might experience down the road? A sex toy can only go so far.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

The way I see it, most guys aren't fantastic giving their ladies oral and to orgasm, so the ladies use a vib to make up the difference. If she is in the mood, he isn't home, use the vib and she's good. If he is home, he can give her oral while she uses the vib at the same time, win, win for her. If us guys can have orgasms easily and quickly, I don't see why it should be any different for the ladies.:smthumbup:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The source of your issue is a lot clearer now. She has virtually stopped giving you BJ's. 

You need to talk to her. Ask her why this has happened. Ask her how she would feel if you stopped doing oral on her. This might help her realize why bj's are important to you.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

The poll questions:

ok for her to use solo whenever she likes
best when shared as a couple
either together or solo is fine
solo is fine as as long as it doesn't harm the relationship


You're kidding, right? It's okay for her to do whatever she wants in that arena. You don't have the right to tell her how she gets her orgasms. If she wants to masturbate with a stuffed animal, it's her business. She's harming no one.

On the other hand, if it causes issues with your relationship and sex life with her is made worse, you can file for divorce after asking her to increase the frequency of sex with her, if her answer is no. 

Vibrators will cause her to be less sensitive to human sexual stimulus. Depends on how frequently she uses them. 

A lack of bjs? I don't think there is any expectation of the way she has to get you off. It's up to her. You can only request a higher frequency of bjs. They don't directly do anything for her orgasm. 

Maybe you aren't getting her off on a regular basis. That's what I think. If she was having orgasms from sex with you on a regular basis, she'd likely be more willing to give you something that does nothing for her. 

What changed in you, since you got married?


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I think it's fantastic that your wife is sexual and I feel you must encourage her to explore her sensual side.

Dont create a situation where she feels she cant explore her pleasures and its you thats stopping her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

soulseer said:


> I think it's fantastic that your wife is sexual and I feel you must encourage her to explore her sensual side.
> 
> Dont create a situation where she feels she cant explore her pleasures and its you thats stopping her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: This is good advice. 

I wish my wife would shed her old religious inhibitions and explore her own pleasure more often. It happens once in a while.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So your real issue is that you aren't getting blow jobs like you used to?

What does she say about why the blow jobs have stopped?

I know I don't like to give blow jobs to completion very often. I have a better place for that lovely erection, a place that give BOTH of us pleasure.


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## bestwife (May 10, 2014)

soulseer I agree with that absolutelly.

Lots of threads here are very similiar to my problems in home and your idea give me maybe a solution.
Thx:sleeping:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

intheory said:


> The only type of vibrator I have ever used was not actually a vibrator; it was a muscle massager. The sensation is nothing like a male body/human contact.


*cough* Hitachi Magic Wand!

Hitachi Magic Wand Massager - Electric Vibrator Sex Toy - Adam & Eve


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> *cough* Hitachi Magic Wand!
> 
> Hitachi Magic Wand Massager - Electric Vibrator Sex Toy - Adam & Eve


Far too powerful for this chronic masturbater. I must be the only woman who actually uses it on sore muscles.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

sparkyjim said:


> I don't get one thing... first time poster and they are posting a poll?
> 
> What gives...?


Good catch. Very savvy newbie.... Hmmmmmm.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Far too powerful for this chronic masturbater. I must be the only woman who actually uses it on sore muscles.


Funny...I bought one for my wife and she also said it is WAY too intense, even on the slow speed. It is under our bed collecting dust. At least she is using her other, less powerful vibrators for pleasure. :smthumbup:


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Wedding cake can impact BJs.


:lol:

We had a wedding cake, and somehow we forgot to roll it out. So I managed to dodge this bullet.

But like Anon, mostly just oral for foreplay.

Anyways, I digress.... I think vibrators can be desensitizing, but she does not seem to have any problem here except for now she doesn't give bj's. I wonder - is she using it right?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> Good catch. Very savvy newbie.... Hmmmmmm.


A lot of people post on the internet. Most forums have polls. Why would it be odd for someone to do something that is common to internet forums?


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

We she let you watch? 

To me a HD woman is a gold mine as long as she doesn't let anyone else dig except you.

As for the BJ's maybe you need to ask more or use positions where you both are working on each other at the same time.

If the vibrator doesn't desensitize her and make it harder for you to bring her to orgasm what's the harm.

Maybe ask her to send you a video every so often when she is doing it ......(that's f'n hot)

One last thing cherish this time she may not stay HD forever.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

Love =Pain is right on the button.

"As for the BJ's maybe you need to ask more or use positions where you both are working on each other at the same time"

"One last thing cherish this time she may not stay HD forever"


Ive a app that tracks our Intimacy and so far here is our results after all im MisterGadget

No Oral on her (1month 18days)
No Oral on me (4months 5days)
No intercourse (1month 25 days)

So count yourself lucky.

The apps an android app called (Time since Widget lite)


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> A lot of people post on the internet. Most forums have polls. Why would it be odd for someone to do something that is common to internet forums?


I am just a little suspicious of first time posters...

How many threads are there where OP is never ever seen again...?

This OP has been back once, so he has a little more cred...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sparkyjim said:


> I am just a little suspicious of first time posters...
> 
> How many threads are there where OP is never ever seen again...?
> 
> This OP has been back once, so he has a little more cred...


Oh I get it.... but every one of use were first time posters at one time.

And so what if he is a drive-by poster. The topic brings up good discussion.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

MisterGadget said:


> after all im MisterGadget


C'mon Mr Gadget you can so better than that.

You should have a vibrator wired into her panties and controlled by remote...

Hell, you should be getting all the sex you want...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

MisterGadget said:


> after all im MisterGadget





sparkyjim said:


> C'mon Mr Gadget you can so better than that.
> 
> You should have a vibrator wired into her panties and controlled by remote...












:lol:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Cause your pee pee doesn't vibrate... hmmm I wonder if there's surgery to make a penis vibrate, all the women will be lining up methinks lol


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Cause your pee pee doesn't vibrate... hmmm I wonder if there's surgery to make a penis vibrate, all the women will be lining up methinks lol


:rofl:


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

cohoangler said:


> She's gorgeous and insatiable getting off daily... often multiple times a day. Married 6 months and terrific sex life. So.... why does she continue to use vibrators and get off daily? When together I'm more than happy to satisfy her appetite for multiple O's whether it's Oral, using the vibrator or rocking her world until she's gasping for air and begging me to stop. ... So, I feel like she's not saving her passion for me when she's getting satisfied with her toy. She says it just makes her even more horny to have sex with me when I get home from work. She knows how I feel but insists "it's my body and I'll do what I want and stop monitoring my vibrator use.. it's none of your business". Am I out of line?


Everyone is different. From what I have read with other situations some people have a "libido tank" that fills up naturally and needs to be refilled over time. Other people have more of a "libido river" where the desire just flows and is not affected by use.

From your description you are more of the "tank" type and your wife more of the "River" type. Recognize that she is built differently from you.

I do believe a spouse should have right of first refusal, given there is no shame or judgement if the asked spouse says no and the asking spouse takes care of their own needs.

For me, I was judged for taking care of myself when my spouse said no to me. This changed the way I feel about sex with her and lowered (or killed) my desire with her. Just a warning about judging your spouse could cost your marriage her desire later on. 

My advice, let her enjoy if you are not interested. Maybe watch, take pictures and or/participate.


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## MisterGadget (Feb 13, 2014)

You lot made my day.
Laughed out loud on the posts.


My story is long so i wont get into it here but i will say nothing has changed since i made my Posts.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

A vibrator is just a faster way of getting off. If it were enough there would be no need for sexual relationships. People would just masturbate all the time and be fine with that. If there were ever a corner of the internet proving that masturbation isn't everything - it's this board.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> A vibrator is just a faster way of getting off. If it were enough there would be no need for sexual relationships. People would just masturbate all the time and be fine with that. If there were ever a corner of the internet proving that masturbation isn't everything - it's this board.



I agree!

Vibrators and sex toys are fun, but there is no emotional connection with them. Real sex and solo pleasure meet different needs. And, there's nothing weird about her active libido; there are women who enjoy their pleasure more than once in a day. As long as you're getting intimacy and connection together, don't bother her about the extra she is doing for herself.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

moxy said:


> I agree!
> 
> Vibrators and sex toys are fun, but there is no emotional connection with them. Real sex and solo pleasure meet different needs. And, there's nothing weird about her active libido; there are women who enjoy their pleasure more than once in a day. As long as you're getting intimacy and connection together, don't bother her about the extra she is doing for herself.


:iagree:

Hi Moxy. Long time, no see...


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## LisaM (May 12, 2014)

I use a vibrator several times a month. It is just something different to fantasize with I guess. I love my husband and love him making love to me. He knows about the vibrator and we use it together now and then. He also knows I use it by myself and has no problems with that


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I Notice The Details said:


> Funny...I bought one for my wife and she also said it is WAY too intense, even on the slow speed. It is under our bed collecting dust. At least she is using her other, less powerful vibrators for pleasure. :smthumbup:


My wife says it's too intense too. What I've found is that when she's tied spread eagle to the bed, she can't really do much about it. It takes about 30 seconds to get used to the intensity.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> My wife says it's too intense too. What I've found is that when she's tied spread eagle to the bed, she can't really do much about it. It takes about 30 seconds to get used to the intensity.



DAMN! That sounds like a challenge. Think I might have try that...


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I Notice The Details said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> 
> Hi Moxy. Long time, no see...




Hi, Notice. I've been limited on TAM, lately; I'm trying to make some emotional progress and avoid emotional triggers.  how are things with you?



WorkingOnMe said:


> My wife says it's too intense too. What I've found is that when she's tied spread eagle to the bed, she can't really do much about it. It takes about 30 seconds to get used to the intensity.



Now, that's a happy thought! Yay for you and your wife! Might I recommend Kama Sutra's honey dust powder and flavored oils as a supplement to that bondage play? You'll enjoy that as an alternative or an addition to the experience. 

It's so good to see sex-positive posts on TAM where so many posts tend to involve heartache, infidelity, and a dearth of intimacy.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Just the first twenty seconds. This is how I was feeling after I read the last few posts. 

The Three Stooges - Curly Smokes A Water Pipe - YouTube


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

I'd love to have a woman (or a guy) explain why a vibrator is okay for women to use but porn is not okay for guys to use. 

There was a huge thread in the general section with tons of people (mostly women) going nutso about men watching porn. (And I'm not just talking about people abusing porn, but just watching it at all.)

Anyone?


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## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I'd love to have a woman explain why a vibrator is okay for women to use but porn is not okay for guys to use.
> 
> There is a huge thread in the general section with tons of people (mostly women) going nutso about men watching porn. (And I'm not just talking about people abusing porn, but just watching it at all.)
> 
> Anyone?



Vibrators and porn are the only action I get, so I suppose I can't really comment. My husband doesn't seem interested in porn even thought he knows I watch it and I have asked him to watch it with me.

.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

1971 said:


> Vibrators and porn are the only action I get, so I suppose I can't really comment. My husband doesn't seem interested in porn even thought he knows I watch it and I have asked him to watch it with me.
> 
> .


I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds really difficult.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I'd love to have a woman (or a guy) explain why a vibrator is okay for women to use but porn is not okay for guys to use.
> 
> There was a huge thread in the general section with tons of people (mostly women) going nutso about men watching porn. (And I'm not just talking about people abusing porn, but just watching it at all.)
> 
> Anyone?


vibrators and porn are different, though they may be used for the same reason.

They are different because vibrators can be used to stimulate a woman physically when their husbands are not available or have trouble performing the act or getting their woman off for whatever reason. they may be thinking of their husbands.

porn on the other hand, by definition you are looking at and thinking of other people.

They can be used for the same reason when the woman is avoiding her husband and fantasizing about another guy(s).


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If a guy gets busted for looking at porn by his wife and then he finds out that she amuses herself with a vibrator, the common denominator is getting stimulated sexually, so whats the difference if it's a video on a computer or a mind movie.

To me, it's a trade off.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I don't' think they are related at all.

You don't lust after a vibrator, or compare it to your spouse, or fantasize about it. 

I find porn demeaning, and would be very hurt if my husband used it. I would feel I wasn't good enough, or that my body wasn't beautiful enough, etc. I would hate that he has to think about other ladies to be aroused. 

Vibrators are a quick release, with no emotional or mental ties. I think about my husband. And it isn't replacing him in any way. I wouldn't choose it over him. It's a back up method.

Some people can say that there aren't emotional or mental ties to porn, but to each their own. I personally think it isn't healthy. Personal opinion.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

This is really confusing in light of the other thread on women not wanting sex everyday. I guess some do want everyday to the extent they have to use vibrators to get enough...I don't get.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

cohoangler said:


> Wow.. what terrific, thoughtful and insightful feedback... to the person who asked how I know, I monitored where and how the toy was placed in the drawer.. when I asked if she got off today she'd reply that she had and get mad that I knew and she was being monitored. Others; I bought the vibrator(s) for her to use solo during our long distance and long term relationship. I just thought her use of them would be as couple's toys not rolling solo as often as she does. Has she turned me down for sex? never. Has our sex life changed in the past 6 months? Of course. Second marriage for both, blending families with kids in HS/college, building a new home, moving to be together...etc She was every man's dream and completely focused on pleasing her man sexually... oral, positions, locations.. anything anywhere she was all in. Since moving in together it's her using the vibrator during the day and we usually having pretty great sex at night... but, her focus on pleasing / orally me has changed and the routine is that she cums 2-3 times by me servicing her orally then finishing in any number of positions.... her delivery of oral sex to me completely vanished.. for months.. thus my concern than her vibrator is replacing me. To those who asked about my use of porn to get off. We have Playboy's around and she's bi-curious/comfortable so she's totally ok with porn. Do I use it to get off ? no As an executive in healthcare I'm working 10-12 hr days and have little time to rub one out.. and honestly feel that if I did it would shortchange my wife's pleasure. If I rubbed one out in my only free time.. the shower before coming to bed, then didn't perform for her.. is that fair... should I care since I know she got off already while I was at work? :scratchhead:


Not many men past adolescence have every single stereotype ever ascribed to men. Seems statistically remote that such a man would find this site. Anyhoo, just in case.... 

This is a caution not a criticism. You may be headed for trouble in the future. You said that she is your ideal therefore make sure you are her ideal. Don't expect HD woman to have sex that is focused on satisfying you for very long. 

In addition, monitoring her use of a vibrator, to take care of herself, makes you seem selfish and insecure. In the long run, she may lose sexual attraction to you. 

Work hard to take the focus off of yourself and put it on mutual pleasure. If she is gorgeous and sexually frustrated, she may seek sex elsewhere. She won't have a problem finding it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

BTW, how tall did you say you were?


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

jb02157 said:


> This is really confusing in light of the other thread on women not wanting sex everyday. I guess some do want everyday to the extent they have to use vibrators to get enough...I don't get.


That would be me. I don't get enough from my husband.

All relationships are different.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> That would be me. I don't get enough from my husband.
> 
> All relationships are different.


Speaking of which...did you order one yet???


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> My wife says it's too intense too. What I've found is that when she's tied spread eagle to the bed, she can't really do much about it. It takes about 30 seconds to get used to the intensity.


:lol::lol::lol::lol:


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> BTW, how tall did you say you were?


4'3" with size 12 shoes. hahaha stereotypical? snicker.....Just teasing you.


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## +Charlie+ (May 12, 2014)

I'd say the OP is a pretty lucky chap... finding a woman who lusts after sexual gratification that much is a rare and beautiful thing... obviously so long as it's with the OP only that is.. unless they're an open couple which would be a different thread altogether haha..

I'd say don't worry about it... if she wants more and your gasping for air.. take a time out and watch her have a go at it with the toys... be cool and enjoy 

You lucky man!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I'd love to have a woman (or a guy) explain why a vibrator is okay for women to use but porn is not okay for guys to use.
> 
> There was a huge thread in the general section with tons of people (mostly women) going nutso about men watching porn. (And I'm not just talking about people abusing porn, but just watching it at all.)
> 
> Anyone?


I agree with you. I hate double standards. There are many women here at TAM who aren't threatened by their husband's watching porn. 

However, if a man masturbates to porn in the afternoon, he must be able to go again that same day when his wife is free and wanting it. Not all, but most women can masturbate to orgasm and still be ready and willing to have sex later that day, or 3 minutes later....


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I'd love to have a woman (or a guy) explain why a vibrator is okay for women to use but porn is not okay for guys to use.
> 
> There was a huge thread in the general section with tons of people (mostly women) going nutso about men watching porn. (And I'm not just talking about people abusing porn, but just watching it at all.)
> 
> Anyone?


I'm not opposed to people of either sex using a vibrator or watching porn - but the question you seem to be asking is about masturbation within a marriage and not necessarily about the tool being used to masturbate. I think masturbation is okay for either sex as long as it doesn't interfere with the sexual satisfaction of their partner. 

But the difference between a vibrator and porn is that porn has images of other people which can feel threatening. i.e. Would he rather have sex with the porn girl than me? Vibrators don't have that element. You could probably argue that the person using the vibrator is fantasizing about someone other than their spouse when they are using it and if that's the case, then you can compare the two, but purely vibrator vs. porn is apples to oranges.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I agree with you. I hate double standards. There are many women here at TAM who aren't threatened by their husband's watching porn.
> 
> However, if a man masturbates to porn in the afternoon, he must be able to go again that same day when his wife is free and wanting it. *Not all, but most women can masturbate to orgasm and still be ready and willing to have sex later that day, or 3 minutes later...*.


But that is mainly a function of biology and not necessarily desire. I think the closer situation would be a woman who is more than able to have an orgasm with her man, chooses to masturbate to O by herself, then have sex with him and not want to go for the O....sort of if the man masturbated to porn by himself, had his O, then later gave his woman oral to completion without anything else...almost starts to have a duty feeling to it...

This is a tough situation for people who get sexual satisfaction out of giving their partners sexual satisfaction...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I agree with you. I hate double standards. There are many women here at TAM who aren't threatened by their husband's watching porn.
> 
> However, if a man masturbates to porn in the afternoon, he must be able to go again that same day when his wife is free and wanting it. Not all, but most women can masturbate to orgasm and still be ready and willing to have sex later that day, or 3 minutes later....


What you're describing here is a real logistical problem for some men, myself included. I like to get off at least once every day. But if I masturbate in the afternoon then I sometimes have problems if she wants it that night. The solution is to do it in the morning after morning sex is no longer a possibility. But sometimes I'm feeling very hot in the afternoon and I want it, and frankly I know that it's only about a 1 in 5 chance she'll want it so I have to decide if I'm going to risk it or not. This happened yesterday....I decided not to finish in the afternoon but then she was tired from a long workout and went to sleep.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I'd love to have a woman (or a guy) explain why a vibrator is okay for women to use but porn is not okay for guys to use.


*I'm not actually going to say porn is or isn't ok to use, I think that is up to the couple.*

BUT...the only comparison you can make here if you want to actually be FAIR, is a man MB'ing with a vibe or toy himself with no porn, compared to a woman using a vibe or toy with no porn.

Visual stimulation is not the same thing and can't be compared to a vibe. But a man using a vibe or other toy IS comparable.

Contrary to popular thinking, a man does not NEED porn to masturbate. That's why these comparisons make no sense. Whereas some women do need a vibe to masturbate (not all women, but some). This is a body function issue rather than a mental issue. If a man "needs" porn to MB, then it is only because he hasn't tried giving it up for long enough to see how randy his body will get without it.

So get your pocket p*ssy and fleshlight out boys, and wives can get their vibes and toys out....MB to your heart's content and we NOW have a fair comparison.

There actually is such a thing as pleasuring your own body without having to see other people getting naked...just focusing on your body and your real feelings and not pretending to be having sex with the football or cheerleader team in your head!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> So get your pocket p*ssy and fleshlight out boys, and wives can get their vibes and toys out....MB to your heart's content and we NOW have a fair comparison.


Gross. How the hell do you clean those things?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Gross. How the hell do you clean those things?


They come apart and are flexible and you turn can turn the fleshy part inside out to wash it with soapy water.

Don't have one but have looked at them and asked the same questions!


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> *I'm not actually going to say porn is or isn't ok to use, I think that is up to the couple.*
> 
> BUT...the only comparison you can make here if you want to actually be FAIR, is a man MB'ing with a vibe or toy himself with no porn, compared to a woman using a vibe or toy with no porn.
> 
> ...


Ok...I did "like" this but I take a little issue with the last thing. I have a hard time getting to O at all without some sort of fantasy going in my head. It might be argued that it's because my stbxh never REALLY focused on me and I needed that extra bit of something to get myself there, but I always fantasize (or watch porn) when I'm alone. Vibrator or no.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> Ok...I did "like" this but I take a little issue with the last thing. I have a hard time getting to O at all without some sort of fantasy going in my head. It might be argued that it's because my stbxh never REALLY focused on me and I needed that extra bit of something to get myself there, but I always fantasize (or watch porn) when I'm alone. Vibrator or no.


I'm just saying that this is not necessarily how "everyone" does it. People may assume that anyone who is MB'ing without porn is also fantasizing in their heads. Not true, not everyone is.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm just saying that this is not necessarily how "everyone" does it. People may assume that anyone who is MB'ing without porn is also fantasizing in their heads. Not true, not everyone is.


I think I was hearing you say that you thought fantasizing was inferior somehow. You seem to be suggesting that porn or pretending to have sex with the cheerleaders and jocks is a crutch and I disagree with that sentiment.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Am just saying that "not everyone does that", is all.

So to take up your point...

If we have a guy with a fleshlight MB'ing to fantasies in his head (no porn) and a woman with a toy or vibe MB'ing to fantasies in her head (no porn) then we have an equal comparison.

The point in saying not everyone uses a fantasy is simply to point out that people are different and have different MB habits. Assuming that "everyone" is fantasizing if they don't have porn just isn't accurate.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Am just saying that "not everyone does that", is all.
> 
> So to take up your point...
> 
> ...


I get that. Not everybody fantasizes. And those who do aren't inferior.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> I get that. Not everybody fantasizes. And those who do aren't inferior.


And those who don't aren't inferior, either.

Sometimes I have to do everything I can to NOT think of something hot because I actually want it to last and to focus on my body and how good it feels...I sometimes want to drag it out and ride on the edge of an O for many minutes in a row...if an intruding sexy thought sneaks in BAM! There goes my lovely edge ride.

There are varying techniques, practices and habits for MB'ing.

There is a wide spread thought that porn and fantasy are "what everyone does", and therefore, it is actually that which is assumed as superior, rather than the opposite.


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## Ceridwen999 (Aug 27, 2010)

Admittedly I didn't read all the replies, but I'm going to play devil's advocate here and suggest that it's possible she may not actually be getting off when she is with you. Not because she's not attracted to you, and not because she doesn't love making love to you. I'm sure she does! But a lot of women find it hard to climax during sex with a partner and if that's the case she may be faking it to save your feelings and she may even be ashamed that she's not having a climax, feeling like there's something wrong with her or she's letting you down. But that would also leave her feeling very much in need of release, which might be easier and more reliable with a vibrator. 

If that's not the case, then as someone else suggested, it could just be that she's got a very healthy libido and when she's pleasing herself she can do things in ways that only she knows how, and her vibrator feels very different from you, and she can get lost in sexual fantasy which is very important to women. So as difficult as it may be you shouldn't take it personally. Allow her the freedom to do to her body what she wants. If you get too sensitive and jealous of her toy it could cause serious underlying issues of resentment, fear, embarassment, etc... that would be far worse for your relationship than her need for self pleasure. I wish you the best of luck!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

...wonders if when someone is not fantasizing about a person during MB, if they are concentrating on the tool/toy being used and how good it feels.....hmmm.....so, when in need of an orgasm, do they have thoughts of that tool/toy and how good it feels?...wonders...when a new toy is needed cause that one is worn out, does one feel hurt because they have to get rid of that.......and....hmmm......is that why some have so many different tools/toys?..........oh nevermind.......who cares....


:scratchhead:...is that a fantasy? is just the thought of how good that tool/toy feels the actual fantasy?


wonders.......if women had a choice of a famous man in his mid to late thirties, with a great build and a slightly larger than average..............and had a business that made...oh, say for example.....50,000,000 a year and which business brought him a salary somewhere in the seven or eight figure range, would she rather have sex with him than with her husband?

Then I wonder...does she really think she could get such a man?

And......conversely...does she think her husband could really get some attractive, wealthy, young hot bodied porn star or other famous hottie? 

If so, and it's actually possible, which I seriously doubt, other than in the most minute percentage of the population, they need to up their game.

If not, who's doing the fantasizing and who is delusional?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Nope, have never in my life fantasized about a toy itself. Not saying others don't, though. I've known some women who have an emotional relationship with their toys! I'm not one of them but I can see why it happens. Still, those women are no different than a man who does the same thing. Many men fantasize about their toys, too.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

2 I know you're being...whatever...but if your guy says to you "Honey, don't feel threatened by porn stars. None of them would give me the time of day..." that does not make a woman feel better. What she hears is him saying "I have settled for the likes of you because I can't get anyone better."


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

And this will get me into real trouble..............do you ever or did you ever think, boy, I wish I had my tool/toy, I know I could get off with that....

I think the majority of men would not fantasize about the toy itself, but the porn star.......or some woman he's been with.........unless of course, he is trying to hold back and then it might be.....some sporting event or some odd thing like that.....not that I've ever done that.........no I haven't, and I don't tell fibs either.....:embarrassed: or this -->

and the kicker that will piss off anyone.......the gross talked about with the toy.......easy open cleaning and non-absorption qualities versus what?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> 2 I know you're being...whatever...but if your guy says to you "Honey, don't feel threatened by porn stars. None of them would give me the time of day..." that does not make a woman feel better. What she hears is him saying "I have settled for the likes of you because I can't get anyone better."


And conversely, when women drool over their movie and rock stars and excuse it the same way...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> 2 I know you're being...whatever...but if your guy says to you "Honey, don't feel threatened by porn stars. None of them would give me the time of day..." that does not make a woman feel better. What she hears is him saying "I have settled for the likes of you because I can't get anyone better."


Oh, I know. I've been through all of this before. With my first wife, it was a bigger deal than my second...........yeah, right. So, the second wife said, until it came down to brass tacks. I know the score, just thought I would give you girls a little....snickers.....trouble.......

I need to read it again to see if things have changed in this socalled modern thinking world of today. nope, not much.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> wonders.......*if women had a choice of a famous man in his mid to late thirties, with a great build and a slightly larger than average*..............and had a business that made...oh, say for example.....50,000,000 a year and which business brought him a salary somewhere in the seven or eight figure range, would she rather have sex with him than with her husband?
> 
> Then I wonder...does she really think she could get such a man?
> 
> ...


I'm not really sure what you are getting at.

Some people fantasize about weird things that no one would ever guess...fetish stuff, pain, same sex stuff, inanimate objects, faceless people or people in masks....there is no way to generalize fantasy, for men OR women.

But having said that...the part in bold above...um, sorry...have you not seen porn for women? He doesn't have to be rich and all of that, he just needs to be hot, young, buff, and hung.

And could I get a man like that, heck yes.

Could my husband get a woman who is or looks like a porn star, heck yes.

I don't really see your point. :scratchhead:

BUT ONCE AGAIN...so there is no confusion here...women do NOT need a man to be rich in order to be HOT for him. He just needs the right equipment.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

That's alright, FF. It's not an easy subject to talk about. I do know that people fantasize about lots of different things being done and even machines with no human there, but that's probably a small percentage. No problem.  

If you are a person who could get this type person who is a fantasy, kudos. I would have to go back to a post I made that said, you both need to be on top of your socalled game, for lack of a better term coming to mind. 

I doubt the average man or woman can. But, stranger things have happened.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My husband is a sex god. I already have a man like that.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

See, we all have our fantasies. hahaha just teasing you FW. I couldn't care less what he or you look like, to tell the truth. It doesn't put bread on the table or get me anything I need. But, I just wanted to frustrate you a little. Did it work? huh, huh?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Urm.....not sure what you even mean by that really? But did you give me some nice conversation about sex? Sure!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

hahahaha 

That was a great answer. I really truly guffawed. In real life, too.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Still don't know what you meant, but am happy it gave you a laugh.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

awkward.....


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> What you're describing here is a real logistical problem for some men, myself included. I like to get off at least once every day. But if I masturbate in the afternoon then I sometimes have problems if she wants it that night. The solution is to do it in the morning after morning sex is no longer a possibility. But sometimes I'm feeling very hot in the afternoon and I want it, and frankly I know that it's only about a 1 in 5 chance she'll want it so I have to decide if I'm going to risk it or not. This happened yesterday....I decided not to finish in the afternoon but then she was tired from a long workout and went to sleep.


That's tricky. Does your wife know if you've jerked off? Maybe you guys should come up with a system of first right of refusal?




WorkingOnMe said:


> Gross. How the hell do you clean those things?


Now see? And yet men get all huffy if a woman isn't eager to swallow?


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

First right of refusal - I like that idea. 

Workingonme, I'm curious if you COULD have sex with your gf everyday instead of MB, would you? Maybe it's a dumb question, but my stbxh seemed to prefer MB to having sex with me most of the time. And I had a gf who married a guy like that - sex was too emotionally complicated for him.. MB is just easier. Don't have to worry about the other person at all, physically or emotionally and I wonder if that is what the OP's woman is motivated by sometimes when she is using her vibrator.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> That's tricky. Does your wife know if you've jerked off? Maybe you guys should come up with a system of first right of refusal?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


She knows I do it, but her perception is that if I tell her either before or after she takes that as a sign that I was frustrated and mad at her. So I tend to keep it to myself. I think a system of first right of refusal would just lead to duty sex from her, which I wouldn't find satisfying at all.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> First right of refusal - I like that idea.
> 
> Workingonme, I'm curious if you COULD have sex with your gf everyday instead of MB, would you? Maybe it's a dumb question, but my stbxh seemed to prefer MB to having sex with me most of the time. And I had a gf who married a guy like that - sex was too emotionally complicated for him.. MB is just easier. Don't have to worry about the other person at all, physically or emotionally and I wonder if that is what the OP's woman is motivated by sometimes when she is using her vibrator.


No doubt MB is easier. I have this complication in that I don't trust my wife sexually enough to initiate, so I never ever do anymore. She initiates 1-2 times a week, but almost always rejects when I do. Now for the summer of 2012 we were doing it 4 times a week on average. During that time I almost never MB.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> No doubt MB is easier. I have this complication in that I don't trust my wife sexually enough to initiate, so I never ever do anymore. She initiates 1-2 times a week, but almost always rejects when I do. Now for the summer of 2012 we were doing it 4 times a week on average. During that time I almost never MB.


Yuck. Sorry to hear that.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> No doubt MB is easier. I have this complication in that I don't trust my wife sexually enough to initiate, so I never ever do anymore. She initiates 1-2 times a week, but almost always rejects when I do. Now for the summer of 2012 we were doing it 4 times a week on average. During that time I almost never MB.


You've said this before. I'm assuming this lack of trust is from years of rejection. Does she know you don't initiate because of this? Is she aware of this pattern she has that she refuses when you initiate?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> awkward.....


yeah, it was. I guess it's tough to find humor in some things. Sorry about that.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i am going to tell you the god honest truth...who cares...if she is getting off without you...she loves sex...and on top of that she loves sex with you....speaking for someone who has been married for 28 years and as close to a sexless marriage as they come...you should be on your knees thanking god that your wife loves sex....whether solo or with you...because trust me on this one day it will mostly stop and you will take anything...and i mean anything you consider as sex.....so keep your mouth shut, enjoy the view, enjoy the pleasure and pack away those memories you need them.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Xenote said:


> i am going to tell you the god honest truth...who cares...if she is getting off without you...she loves sex...and on top of that she loves sex with you....speaking for someone who has been married for 28 years and as close to a sexless marriage as they come...you should be on your knees thanking god that your wife loves sex....whether solo or with you...*because trust me on this one day it will mostly stop and you will take anything*...and i mean anything you consider as sex.....so keep your mouth shut, enjoy the view, enjoy the pleasure and pack away those memories you need them.


Sorry man, you don't speak for everyone. This is untrue. It might be true for you, but that means literally nothing to the OP or his wife.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> You've said this before. I'm assuming this lack of trust is from years of rejection. Does she know you don't initiate because of this? Is she aware of this pattern she has that she refuses when you initiate?


I don't want to hijack (for the record my wife does not use her toys at all. I use them on her). But anyway, the answer to your question is yes she knows I don't initiate because of her rejections. When we've had the conversation, she feels bad and promises to be more open. I tell her I have to feel safe to initiate otherwise I just can't anymore. She says she'll do better, and I think she thinks she is doing better because we'll often have sex right after that conversation. Of course I don't see that as counting. Then a couple days later I'll try and she'll either outright reject or laugh it off. So I just stop for a few months again until we have it out again.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

That sucks, WOM. Wish she could just "get it" so you two could live happily ever after.

I wouldn't accept that, either. If I didn't know for sure my H was totally into me and sex with me, I wouldn't want to have sex with him. It wouldn't matter why, either.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Working - when you're in the middle of a rejection - you've initiated and she laughs it off, have you ever (gently) called her on it right then? Like "See...this is what I mean. I'm initiating sex and you're not taking it seriously." I wonder if that would do anything? She might continue to blow off and you then continue to point out that that's part of the rejection. She may not be seeing her own behavior and it needs to be pointed out to her in the moment she's doing it. Or she might not realize an initiation is REALLY an initiation. 

My point before is that a highly sexual person like the OP's wife might enjoy sex with a person in addition to sex with herself just because sex with herself is a less complicated sometimes.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> Working - when you're in the middle of a rejection - you've initiated and she laughs it off, have you ever (gently) called her on it right then? Like "See...this is what I mean. I'm initiating sex and you're not taking it seriously." I wonder if that would do anything? She might continue to blow off and you then continue to point out that that's part of the rejection. She may not be seeing her own behavior and it needs to be pointed out to her in the moment she's doing it. Or she might not realize an initiation is REALLY an initiation.
> 
> My point before is that a highly sexual person like the OP's wife might enjoy sex with a person in addition to sex with herself just because sex with herself is a less complicated sometimes.


lol I call her on it every single time. Then she turns around and initiates 5 minutes later. But seriously, that doesn't count.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> lol I call her on it every single time. Then she turns around and initiates 5 minutes later. But seriously, that doesn't count.


Ok. I tried.  Sorry. Not sure how to advise you since my stbxh always rejected me when I initiated too. I never figured out how to fix it.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> lol I call her on it every single time. Then she turns around and initiates 5 minutes later. But seriously, that doesn't count.


That's demoralizing. Is she a control freak?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> lol I call her on it every single time. Then she turns around and initiates 5 minutes later. But seriously, that doesn't count.





firebelly1 said:


> Ok. I tried.  Sorry. Not sure how to advise you since my stbxh always rejected me when I initiated too. I never figured out how to fix it.





Anon Pink said:


> That's demoralizing. Is she a control freak?


I think the behavior is possibly by design as a measure of control. They probably know exactly what they are doing, and so from that stand point, there probably is no fixing it because to them, it's not broken.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Sam - I don't know if I agree that they are controlling on purpose. I mean, they are controlling, cruel, and inconsiderate by default but I don't think in a lot of cases that it's intentionally malicious. I think the partners rejecting feel misunderstood too.


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## malcolypse (Mar 12, 2014)

I feel her personal use is completely her playing with her body, and that's her business. Don't take it personal, look at it this way, sometimes you want a meal, sometimes just a quick snack (and don't want all the hassle of a full sexual experience with partner). 

I don't think you have a problem with that as such though, do you? Is the real issue that you're not feeling as much spontaneity and reciprocation in your interpersonal sex life? THAT's an issue then. And a difficult one to solve, usually both partners are sure they're fine and hold their ego over that, rather than looking at it as an "us" issue.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

malcolypse said:


> I feel her personal use is completely her playing with her body, and that's her business. Don't take it personal, look at it this way, sometimes you want a meal, sometimes just a quick snack (and don't want all the hassle of a full sexual experience with partner).
> 
> I don't think you have a problem with that as such though, do you? Is the real issue that you're not feeling as much spontaneity and reciprocation in your interpersonal sex life? THAT's an issue then. And a difficult one to solve, usually both partners are sure they're fine and hold their ego over that, rather than looking at it as an "us" issue.


Sometimes, it feels like a double standard when a man does this and then his wife comes home and out of the blue says, "honey, let's get it on". I know she isn't going to actually say that in most cases. Do you get what I'm trying to say? 

And yes, it feels controlling to the husband, although, sex with a wife is much more fun, maybe he doesn't figure he's going to get anywhere trying. Maybe he doesn't want to feel like she controls his orgasm? Maybe it feels so unnatural to have to wait for her and then find she isn't interested for whatever reasons, he just takes matters into his own hand(s) haha, so to speak. 

Maybe their timing is always off and it's tough to get aroused and feel like wanting her after being told in so many words, he's inadequate in so many ways in other areas, it's not conceivable that for him to think he would be adequate in the bedroom? 

So many possibilities. You, if you are the husband, better wait for me, cause there will be consequences. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

As long as it's not hurting the relationship (You not getting any) it's no big deal.

I'm a man and I buy all of her "toys" What better gift could you give?!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yourself?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> Sam - I don't know if I agree that they are controlling on purpose. I mean, they are controlling, cruel, and inconsiderate by default but I *don't think in a lot of cases that it's intentionally malicious*. I think the partners rejecting feel misunderstood too.


That's possibly true up and to the point they are made aware of controlling, cruel, and inconsiderate nature of their behavior...anything after that is intentional...


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

My wife has some pretty great OMG moments at times with a toy from either her using it or me using it on her I have watched her come over and over and leave her red face and breathless.

When is someone going to develop a toy like that for men??? Really all we get is a dam sleeve and some lube that does not hardly count as amazing.

I am a bit jealous, not of her Vib, but that us as men have no toy like that!


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

cohoangler said:


> She's gorgeous and insatiable getting off daily... often multiple times a day. Married 6 months and terrific sex life. So.... why does she continue to use vibrators and get off daily? When together I'm more than happy to satisfy her appetite for multiple O's whether it's Oral, using the vibrator or rocking her world until she's gasping for air and begging me to stop. ... So, I feel like she's not saving her passion for me when she's getting satisfied with her toy. She says it just makes her even more horny to have sex with me when I get home from work. She knows how I feel but insists "it's my body and I'll do what I want and stop monitoring my vibrator use.. it's none of your business". Am I out of line?


Tell her to send you some videos while your at work! I bet your not going to stop for a beer with the coworkers if she did. 

If I were you I would leave her a Home depot pack of batteries on her night stand once a week as long as you were being included when you wanted. only caution is it can cause her a bit harder to make her cum once she gets use to the vibrator no mans equipment can compete with an electric driven device. Eveready keeps going and going and going like they say on the commercial. How can we compete with that?:rofl:


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I read the first couple of pages, then skimmed the last few, so I'm sorry if I'm rehashing what someone else already said, but:

If this is her first time with vibrators (or first time she's been able to use them as often as she can - ie. maybe her previous marriage didn't allow for the use of them, etc.), then maybe it's just simply a case of "it's new and exciting".

I have been married twice, and in both cases, my ex wife and current wife were introduced to vibrators for the first time while married to me. Not something either of them ever used or owned previously.

In both cases, there was a period of time, several months, where the usage was heavy. Again, in both cases, it pretty much stopped. I don't think my wife has used hers by herself in months (but I also don't "check". When it was new, it was obvious she was using it, and I caught her a couple of times, and she had no problem leaving it around)

Now the differences in my ex wife and my current one and their respective usage of toys was this: the sex life with my ex dropped to nearly zero during this period, and it did genuinely replace me. One occasion that I can remember all too vividly, which I have mentioned her on TAM before, she outright turned me down one night, said she wasn't in the mood, then immediately proceeded to draw a bath while I went to bed. Less than 5 minutes after me being turned down, I could hear her having a great old time without me. I have no idea if she thought the sound of the bath running would drown out the noises, or if she just didn't care. But there you have it.

With my current wife, she has never done that to THAT extent, and the few times I have "caught her", she was in the shower, and it wouldn't have been possible to have sex (kids downstairs). On one occasion, I did get turned down in the morning once, before work. I realized after about 20 minutes that I forgot some keys at home, so I had to turn around and head home to get them. I didn't "catch her", per se, but I could hear her in the bedroom from downstairs. I let that one slide, as it had been a good 1/2 hour after I got a "no", and to be fair, I was getting ready for work, and she was doing something mundane like folding laundry.

Long story short, if it impacts your sex life and intimacy, then it's an issue. Otherwise, it's MUCH better to not give her a hard time about it, as it is quite healthy. Using a vibrator is completely different than having sex with your partner. It can do things we can't (and quicker) and we can do things it can't. It's apples and oranges. It should never be something to be jealous of, quite the opposite, I think.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I've made it no secret that I am not a big fan of vibrators and toys. For me, they are intimacy breakers, but for others, they are an enjoyable addition, so it's pretty clear we are all different, and it boils down to doing what works for you.

I think the root of some of the questions people have is the concept of male orgasmic inevitability. As with everything, there are no absolutes and always exceptions, but generally speaking, all else equal, men are going to orgasm almost every time. For women, not so much, and for various reasons. Some women physically have a difficult time no matter the partner or technique, even solo. Others, it is more complicated than that, so the sex toy industry is focussed on leveling that playing field. Millions of dollars are spent on researching and developing products that are designed, and with the sole purpose of bringing a woman to orgasm. 

Where the disconnect starts to creep in is the fact that the devices function in such a way and do things that no human being is capable of, and in a far more efficient way. Under normal circumstances, a good rabbit vibe will hit more spots at the same time and with more intensity than any person could. The resulting orgasm is faster, harder, more powerful than that woman could ever have with a man, so yes, if the sole focus is on the female orgasm, millions of dollars are spent to ensure that the toy is better than any man.

As has been noted, there is a huge discrepency between what is available for men vs women, and I think that too gets back to the idea of orgasmic inevitability, however the marketing and design suggest it may be a bit more than that. From a functional stand point, and assuming the toy is being used with a partner, the sleeves are nothing more than an extension of what is already being done. If the woman is using it on her man, the physical positioning, the hand and arm motions, it's all the same. I also find the general marketing between the two very interesting...the sleeves are marketed as a way to make it easier for her to get him off, less effort, especially if she is not really in the mood. The vib's are marketed as essentially compensation tools.

While some men do find vibrators enjoyable when used on themselves, it's basically the same as using pliers to drive a nail. The vib is designed specifically for a womans physiology, and will not generally be able to give him the kind of pleasure it gives a woman.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> That's possibly true up and to the point they are made aware of controlling, cruel, and inconsiderate nature of their behavior...anything after that is intentional...


That is a very good point Sam.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Having read more of the original threads I realize that the OP's problem is that there are times when his wife's sexual energy towards him is diminished after she uses the vibrator. I think that is an issue - anything that gets in the way of either partner's sexual satisfaction is a problem.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> lol I call her on it every single time. Then she turns around and initiates 5 minutes later. But seriously, that doesn't count.



Why doesn't that count? Maybe she just needs those five minutes to get herself mentally prepared for feeling sexy? Maybe it's not about rejection but about negotiating intimacy?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

moxy said:


> Why doesn't that count? Maybe she just needs those five minutes to get herself mentally prepared for feeling sexy? Maybe it's not about rejection but about negotiating intimacy?


I get what you are saying here, but uggh...absolutely crushing to think ones spouse would feel that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> I get what you are saying here, but uggh...absolutely crushing to think ones spouse would feel that way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not necessarily a comment on him that she has to get mentally prepared. When he approaches she is mentally somewhere else. Folding laundry, thinking about bills, worrying about the kids. It takes a mental and emotional shift to go from that mental state to "I want to do you" and for some people that takes longer than for other people.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> It's not necessarily a comment on him that she has to get mentally prepared. When he approaches she is mentally somewhere else. Folding laundry, thinking about bills, worrying about the kids. It takes a mental and emotional shift to go from that mental state to "I want to do you" and for some people that takes longer than for other people.


As I said, I get that, but there are ways of doing that that don't involve rejection. Allowing yourself to be drawn into the moment by your lover...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cochise (May 8, 2014)

If she's doing it to be ready for you then you should be flattered. Sounds like a great wife.


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## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

To me i think a women using a vibrator is a liberating thing...that she is taking charge of her own sex life. The flip side of that that while it may serve as a healthy release.. that it may cause her to not "need" the intimacy of her husband which may hurt the husband because he feels inadequate or unloved. This fact is exacerbated by the fact that there is a tendency for men to be the higher drive partner. 

It is not totally clear to me the extent of his wife's vibe use has impacted things but, he indicated it has. 

Personally, I think masturbation is a healthy thing for everyone...but, it can be a slippery slope if it substitutes true intimacy. 

It does seem gender biased to say solo vibrators use should be something sacred.....and men should get over it...but, men using porn to release is justifiably objectionable to women because it makes women feel inferior.... I totally get the differences.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> As I said, I get that, but there are ways of doing that that don't involve rejection. Allowing yourself to be drawn into the moment by your lover...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Another good point. It may take some conscious effort to react that way but worth it if you care about your partner. WHICH...I suspect is at the root of some of these sex and rejection issues - that some partners are just selfish and don't think of the happiness of their partners. I can't imagine being that way but have been on the receiving end. It's just hard for me to get my mind around it. Why doesn't everyone expect that in relationship it can't be all take, take, take?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think WOM's problem is that his wife just isn't that into him, or that is his perception anyway. He can't seem to get her to understand this and how it hurts him.

And if she really isn't that into him (or isn't able to behave the way someone does when they are into you) then it may not be fixable.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

lifeisbetterthanalternat said:


> To me i think a women using a vibrator is a liberating thing...that she is taking charge of her own sex life.
> 
> 
> Personally, I think masturbation is a healthy thing for everyone...but, it can be a slippery slope if it substitutes true intimacy.


:iagree:

I have always had a very healthy attitude towards masturbation. Maybe it comes from the years of practice....I don't know. I was recently reminded by my best friend on TAM that May is Masturbation Month. With this in mind, I think we should all take matters into our own hands/fingers and give our bodies some incredible pleasure! :smthumbup:

I am also very lucky that my wife loves to watch!


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## Tasty (Mar 3, 2014)

This may seem alright today but I see a major issue arising from it in the near future. You obviously can't give her all the sex she needs (quantity or quality) so she has to augment with this toy. Worse, she does not want you to interfere. I may be wrong, but I'm afraid if another 'real' man comes along she may juggle you both.
However, it appears you don't have much choice than to step up your game or wait to see how things play out soon.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Yourself?


Well, obviously, as I stated in my post if you're happy with the amount of sex you're getting, toys won't hurt the relationship.

It's almost always one of the things people post when wanting to spice things up...

What difference does it make if a women masturbates via hand, shower head a vibe or other?


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## CaveDoorman (May 16, 2014)

You lucky son-of-a-gun! Take her at her word that it makes her hot for you and enjoy the idea. Ask her to let you watch at least one so that you can imagine her on your way home. Get a audio recording that you can play back through your car speakers on the way home. Better yet, connect your cell phone through the car speakers, call her and listen live for the last five mintes before you get home. You have the kind of woman that can get you going every day. Enjoy it.


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## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> vibrators and porn are different, though they may be used for the same reason.
> 
> They are different because vibrators can be used to stimulate a woman physically when their husbands are not available or have trouble performing the act or getting their woman off for whatever reason. they may be thinking of their husbands.
> 
> ...


Totally and completely disagree ( although I did think it was funny that the people who agreed with you were women). 

Both porn and vibrators are used to augment the sexual experience. Or they can be used to help satisfy the person when their partner is not around. The issue is when people start using porn or a vibrator to replace their partner. And yes, this does happen with vibrators. 

Nearly EVERY woman uses fantasy with vibrators in some way, so it isn't significantly different than using porn. 

In my opinion, your comment reflects a double standard. Either your partner is involved or they are not.End of story.


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## kstevens1972 (Apr 17, 2014)

sinnister said:


> It would bother me too if I worked away from home and she was a stay at home and did this.
> 
> Six months in I figure she would only be wanting your toy for a while longer. But if you married her and she was always in to her toys its on you man. YOu married a sexually liberated woman. YOu can enjoy it or let it haunt you.


I just wanted to add a thought to this. My husband and I also had a long distance relationship. He would often talk about how and how often he would satisfy himself when we were appart. I loved that he had an intense sex drive and dreamed of all the fun we would have once we could live together permanently. Well my dreams never came true. He is still satisfying himself on a regular basis despite the fact that I am now completely available and more than eager to please. My point being I never in a million years dreamed it would be like this once we lived together and I bet you did not either. So I do not agree with the thought "you knew before you married her"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Nearly EVERY woman uses fantasy with vibrators in some way, so it isn't significantly different than using porn.


I am one who hasn't.. I never had or cared to get a vibrator till my early 40's... bought one thinking If I don't leave my H alone, he is going to get sick of me ( my drive was significantly higher for a spell & I was wanting him more than he could handle)....tried it... didn't like it at all.. didn't get off on it..never got it out again....

I/we do like a little porn but ..the toys...just doesn't hold any allure for us...it's just not the same...we want the real thing...or we wait till we can have it .. with each other...


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## RaiderGirl (Jul 3, 2013)

I love my toys. I have a dozen or so. I always referred to the toys by color or shape. You know, the blue one, the big one, the glass one etc. I should name them. We used some together. 
He is not threatened at all by any of them. Perhaps because he is not denied anything because of them. I have used them alone but its really more fun with him. A vibe on me and him in my mouth or in me is really hot.
Embrace the toys and insist on the BJ.


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## arecene2002 (May 23, 2014)

I too have a very hot wife, have the so called trophy wife and man is she HD! she does little for me, but that has always been.. but when she does its off the chain, I let her be her, but never scared to ask if I want it that bad, she's my best friend, no big deal. we do have a lot of stress though and kids in the house, so when I give her oral, (every time) she goes nuts, claws me, claps my ears, hair pulled, I really don't like that too (hurts at times) much but it also turns me on as well, just depends. so I feel you on the BJ thing, but I also know my wife, a tad selfish but all I need to do is motion for her to do it and she will..

that said, can you do that? perhaps guide her to your area, or just joke about it and ask her while your in foreplay mode so its not a demand so to speak..Married or not, I always treat my wife like a new relationship, a lady period. I still leave her sticky love notes in her shoes, pocketbook, coffee maker, etc..

And most important, are you clean? us dudes can get some stink there so I have heard this from other woman on other issues. Just asking, and maybe best to shave it off, I do, so does my wife. But again, we can get some stink there as woman can as well...I actually deal with that pee smell at times because when she wants loving its on, she does not jump up to go clean, so I do get that pee mustach thingy at times lol...But I let her know about it in a funny way..Hey honey!? do you smell that? What she will ask, I think the dog peed in the house again...(we don't have a dog) ad she gets it,laughs, and offers to clean my face...But of course it happens often..rrrrrr!! 

Anyways, I would start there, make sure you clean and smelling good even if you need to stop, or maybe take a shower together first? Hey, I love my BJS, so I hope this helps you bro.. But again, my wife does not do this often for me either, and I did ask her if she liked doing it, some woman don't, or they did it at first to help get you and then it stopped...So maybe ask her if she likes doing it...I would just have a woopie talk if your open about things with her and I would hope you are, air it out bro!

Moreover, I do turn my wife down at times..Why? its usually a very early Morning or a very late night thingy with her, but its like every day...Hey, I'm tired and like I said, we are getting hammered with stress but not with each other, as a team, so that has played a roll on me, not so much her..God why not..lol...And just for keeping it real, why not try some viagra if that helps you to keep up..ha ha, no pun intended..well, my first post and I went a bit far here, I hope this helps some..


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

For Mr Gadget...


'Fundawear' offers long-distance foreplay - CNN.com


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