# What is fair???



## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Among all the problems me and my husband have, is the fact that neither of us feel comfortable about what is fair when it comes to splitting the house chores and work.
I'm a stay at home mom who takes care of everything in the house and the kids and he works 20 hours per week to take care of most bills... and this is how it goes:


His 50%:
Work a job for 20 hours per week without doing mental of physical effort and being able to pass the time playing on the Nintendo DS or reading Comic Books.
Pay the rent and most of the bills.
Do 1 load of his laundry per week.
Drive us to Walmart or other Grocery Store once a week.



*We don't spend $ on food, unless we eat from a restaurant, which I always pay.
We don't have medical expenses
We don't have cel phone expenses*


My 50%:
Cook, clean, wash dishes (by hand), dust, vacuum, do the laundry, bathrooms, windows, take out garbage, organize and pick up after everyone.
My daughter is solely my responsibility. Our 10 month old baby is also my responsibility: Feed him, change him, bathe him, put him to sleep, taking care of him when he wakes up every 30 minutes (he is a terrible sleeper). Provide his diapers, clothes and toys.
My free time I mostly spend completing online surveys to generate some dollars to be able to pay an extra for the electricity bill, so the air conditioner can stay on set in 80 degrees at least, in the scorching summer Florida weather and also half the phone/internet bill.
I also have to buy whatever is not edible: soap, shampoo, cleaners, toothpaste, paper towels, shaving cream, toilet paper, dish liquid, deodorant, etc.


He tells me he doesn't have to help around the house or spend any money on our baby because he provides the most important thing, which is the roof above our heads.

His huge amount of free time is divided between the laptop, the Nintendo DS and the PS3.

I have talked to him forever about taking time off his activities and spending more family time and acting more responsible about lots of things but the only thing he seems to care more than games or at least equal is sex.
Other than that, he doesn't care about anything around him. He's never given our baby a bath, or change his clothes.
He hasn't wash the car in more than 2 years.
I haven't been able to sit in the front seat since the baby was born, at first because the baby was too young, but later because he uses that space as a garbage disposal and is full of empty snack bags and cups, and water bottles, junk mail, etc. Not even having roaches in the trunk motivates him to do something about it.
I use to do his laundry but once we had a fight and he asked me not to touch his clothes ever again, so there has been a huge pile of dirty clothes in the closet floor for about a year, and he just washes his uniform or a couple of pants and t-shirts for the week, each week or so.
He is the kind of person that wherever he goes he has to disorganize or make a mess, by moving things of his way, or leaving stuff around, letting food fall out the plate to the floor and not picking up, leaving dirty dishes around, splashing water of the sink, taking his clothes off and leaving them on the floor and I could go on forever... and whenever I try to talk to him he would say I am offending him!!! Then he starts insulting me or my family (whom he hasn't even met since they live in another country), screaming, and it all ends really bad.
And he complains about not getting enough sex while I have to chase him around and ask him for days to take me to the grocery store to buy food, since he is always "busy" or "doesn't feel like it" or is "tired" and only when there is absolutely nothing to eat, he would do it. Then there is the argument about him not wanting to get out of the car and I would have to shop alone with the baby while he stays playing in the car or because he doesn't want to push the grocery cart when I have to hold the baby!
There is also the mother in law issue, where I have to put up with his mother's bad manners and annoying behavior and does nothing but defend her while belittling not only the problem, but me and my whole family, because If I complain is because I think my family is better than his...
This lady means well in general, but on the other hand, she comes whenever she wants without calling or anything, doesn't knock but barges in, enters my bedroom like is her house or starts yelling around like we're in a field. 
He ignores her so I have to pay attention to her while she complains about how fat her son is getting and what an ugly belly he has, how fat I'm getting, that there's never food for her here... if I do offer her something to eat she would tell me she doesn't cook it like that, or that it isn't a meal but a snack, or that the soda is trash and she doesn't drink that, then the day you get her her soda she tells you she doesn't want it.
There is some mail that we get at her house and she brings it OPEN! 
On my wedding's day, she sat by my side and started laughing making jokes about me having a small chest! That was the most embarrassing day of my life!. (2 days after, my husband was taking off his wedding band and insulting me for feeling offended and being mad at him for doing absolutely NOTHING).
Another day she told my daughter that Santa Claus didn't exist and other time she started telling me about her dog being HORNY and wanting to "F..." something. Right in front of my then 10 year old daughter!... So her behavior is totally inappropriate and yet it seems I'm disrespecting them if I get offended or ask for something to be done about it.


I just want someone to tell me if I am so wrong for wanting a little help around the house or some family time or more attention and responsibilities for our baby, who is not only mine but 50% his!

We have plenty... PLENTY of issues to resolve and a lot I need to get off my chest and hear point of views and advice from different people... but right now I would appreciate very much your opinions on this matter.

Thanks in advance!


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

You don't work, he only works 20 hours a week and you have 2 children? How in the world do you survive??? And WHY does he only work 20 hours a week? Why not a full time job?

No you are not wrong in wanting more help with the kids and around the house. But honestly, I wouldn't want it from him! He and his mother sound horrid and incredibly immature and selfish. Leave his sorry, lazy ass! Start making a plan... you can find help with sitters/work and start saving up to get out.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

holy crap... well each couple has a different idea on what is fair and how things are divided. When my spouse and i first got together he didn't do jack for cleaning. When we got our first place together alone... just him and i... he had moved in with me. I did all the cooking, cleaning, paying bills while he sat around tossing his garbage on the floor and occassionally looking for a job. 

It took alot of fights, drastic measures, ect but eventually started helping. He too didn't change diapers because he had grown up thinking it was a womans job and i had grown up seeing my father do the diaper changing, cooking, house work, and he had a full time job while my mother went off drinking. 

We both now agree that as a father it is also his job to change diapers, feed the kids, give baths, help potty train, ect when he is able. He picks up after himself, takes out the garbage, helps with dishes, laundry, ect when he can. 

I'm a SAHM as well and it's not easy doing all that crap by yourself. It's a major stress reliever when he is able to take some of the load off my plate. 


Another thing... like another poster pointed out... how the hell do yall survive? Two kids and only 20 hours a week?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Btw if he wants to have an attitude like that.. buck up and tell him if he doesn't get off his rear end, make some changes and help you out as well as set firmer boundaries with his mother on acceptable behavior then he can enjoy life as a single man again while paying child support. 

Sounds like he has it pretty fricken easy.....


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

If you are a SAHM and your husband only works part time how on earth do you support yourselves and the two kids.

As for your husband not helping out around the house or with the kids as much as you would like has he always been this way (mummies little boy) or is it that he does not want to help you. What positive steps (moaning and nagging do not count) have you taken to encourage him to do more.

Does your husband have any ambition / plans to get a full time job, is he studying to improve his job prospects.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

AuraH said:


> His 50%:
> Work a job for 20 hours per week without doing mental of physical effort and being able to pass the time playing on the Nintendo DS or reading Comic Books.


Wow, that sounds like my dream job. What does he do?



> I haven't been able to sit in the front seat since the baby was born, at first because the baby was too young, but later because he uses that space as a garbage disposal and is full of empty snack bags and cups, and water bottles, junk mail, etc. Not even having roaches in the trunk motivates him to do something about it.


This may be a he said/she said story, and I have a feeling that he would give a different perspective, however, what you describe here is absolutely inexcusable under any circumstances. You are married to a person with "trailer trash" mentality. I am not a neat freak and am fairly tolerant of clutter, but when it becomes a health hazard, it's gone way over the line. 



> And he complains about not getting enough sex while I have to chase him around and ask him for days to take me to the grocery store to buy food, since he is always "busy" or "doesn't feel like it" or is "tired" and only when there is absolutely nothing to eat, he would do it.


Can't you drive?



> There is also the mother in law issue, where I have to put up with his mother's bad manners and annoying behavior and does nothing but defend her while belittling not only the problem, but me and my whole family, because If I complain is because I think my family is better than his...
> This lady means well in general, but on the other hand, she comes whenever she wants without calling or anything, doesn't knock but barges in, enters my bedroom like is her house or starts yelling around like we're in a field.


This is an issue of boundaries. In this case, the first solutions are very easy: 


Lock on the house

Lock on the bedroom door



> He ignores her so I have to pay attention to her while she complains


This is the one thing your husband does correctly. You should ignore her too. But during times that the mother in law must be entertained, it's your husband's job, not yours. It's his mother after all. So ignore her.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your husband acts very immature and selfish. Working 20 hours a week and coming home expected to be waited on. I'd leave. I would not put up with this. I'm not quite sure how your making it with him working only part time and you a sahm. 

My h has had 3 jobs for 7 years and I'm a sahm. He still came home and cares for the kids helping out with whatever they need help with when working 3 jobs. I don't expect him to help with any housework, but he will help, especially with dishes after a very long day at work. I often tell him that I'll get to them in a minute, but he choses to help. My h cooks breakfast every weekend also. My h does 100% of the shopping too.(I can't walk/go very far without being pushed in a wheelchair). My h also helps with the dogs when he gets home. My h always has given me free time when I needed it away from the kids when they were very young. 

My first h had a bit of the same attitude as your h. I did everything, including pay all the bills while he treated me horrible and ignoring the baby. I ended up leaving for various reasons.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think you know what the answer is to your question. But the questions you really need to answer is why you let yourself get treated this way, and what can you do about it.

I'm also curious about how he gets away with a part-time job...

C


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Also - how you afford medical insurance on 20 hours a week? You may have no medical expenses now, but that's no guarantee in the future. 

Also, if you are a SAHM how are you paying for the things he doesn't "feel like" paying for?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

video games comic books huh ... you married a 15 year old . you can tell him I said so . then tell him that he's grounded and no video games for 2 weeks unless he start helping around the house . if I have to stop this car to let him know how serious I am he's going to regret it . 

good luck with this one . I hope you're on a good birth control . adding a fourth to the three you already have really make you miserable .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I quit reading at he only works 20 hours a week. Worked with a woman who married a man just like this. He worked pt for company that paid well and he had insurance. She worked full time and he expected her to still do most of the housework.

He never changed and she eventually divorced him over it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

In my world, the best of men want to protect and provide for the family they create and we as wives... want to do ALL we possibly can to contribute and be a helpmate to him... in that same goal...whether that is staying home with the children while he is out working... or getting a job to supplement an income that is not satisfactory to meet all the bills coming in...for food on the table, etc...possibly working around each others schedules....so you won't have the cost of babysitters while working for a better financial situation, towards home ownership, etc.

His playing video games all day after work is like a childish addiction... this is not how *A MAN* behaves...I can understand your frustration here. 

Until you can get into a better financial situation, his manning up and you both working towards agreed set goals within the home, and without.... improving the marital harmony, who does what chores...finding peace with that set up...working it out...

Make lists if you have to.. hang them on the fridge... no VIDEO games (FUN TIME) until this is done every day... they say if you do something consistently for 17 days straight,* it becomes a HABIT*... start there ....

If he bulks... he is a mouse, not a man...he is asking to be nagged.....and possibly LEFT... so he can then start paying child support.. what a shame it would be.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

hmm, he dose seem selfish and childish with his time.

I think any adult man or woman who waste time playing hours and hours of video game has a huge problem.

as far a house hold chores I think your overstating how much chores you do to prove that your doing more than your fair share.

an example would be you list dust,windows,pick up after everyone.

how often do you dust? once a week once a month? same with windows....come on twicw a year.....pick up after everybody....whats up with that pick up after your self and so should everybody else. if you enable them to be slobs then its on you. make a general announcement that everybody(except the baby) need to square the **** away or your throwing it in the trash. parents are supost to teach their kids how to take care of themselve and if your husband complains too bad your not his maid. but if you let him and enable him to be a slob he will always be a slob.


some times you need to accept that your standards could be too high about keeping such a clean house . on your death bed you will never say ....Wish I would have cleaned alittle better ...but you might say wish I would have spent that cleaning time with my family and enjoyed life alittle more.


back to you video game addicted husband.

20hrs a week working dose that include travel time? or work from home time?(if there is such activities)


I think its perfect reasonable to sya listen you have a fair bit of extra time because of your low amount of hours maybe some extra work now when we are young would be a great asset to us in your golden years or if thats not doable then when your home I'll try to find a job and you can watch/ help rear our children so I can earn some extra money.


I guess I don't think being a house wife is as hard as the majority of house claim it is.

all these studies that says house wives should earn 100k a year because they multi task and run kids around and do the cleaning is pure bullsh*t.


laundry....at most 3 hrs a week
dishes 1 hour per day
vacume 1/2 hour every other day ....at best most people I know vac once a week
windows couple times a year
dusting 1 a week
shopping 2 time a week 2hr per time.
cooking 45 mins a day

24.75 hrs a week.


run the kids around dr, school activities varies 

listen I'm not saying that this stuff is unimportant and can be time consuming but its not what the media would have you believe it is.

and if you don't like being a stay at home monm then put your kids in day care and find a job then everything will be fair a apple pie. you will have your income and you can pay half of all the bill and he will have his .

it amazes me that some will complain I have to do more work around the house and its not fair but if he pays most of the expences then thats fair. even if he has more time hes still paying the majority of the bill. ......not I"M NOT EXCUSING HIM FROM BEING AN LAZT A$$ HOLE.

if he were worth his salt he would be bettering his family with his extra time instead of playing f***ing video
games.


bash away. i realise this is a touchy subject but thats how I see it.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

befor the bashing starts I have and do chores so I know How long it take me do do the various chore that i put times on if it takes you longer thats not my fault your inefficent.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

First, finding a job where you can afford daycare, particularly if you have a lot of kids under school age isn't as "apple pie" as it seems. And the cost varies a lot by where you live. 

And - the money isn't the issue here, she isn't saying there isn't enough money, the problem is - he's basically not interested in life beyond video games. How is her working and putting the kids in day care going to fix that? She'll just have to come home and do everything anyways. 

I like though that in the end this just dissolves into a bash fest about how everyone else is obviously inefficient.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Starstarfish said:


> First, finding a job where you can afford daycare, particularly if you have a lot of kids under school age isn't as "apple pie" as it seems. And the cost varies a lot by where you live.
> 
> And - the money isn't the issue here, she isn't saying there isn't enough money, the problem is - he's basically not interested in life beyond video games. How is her working and putting the kids in day care going to fix that? She'll just have to come home and do everything anyways.
> 
> I like though that in the end this just dissolves into a bash fest about how everyone else is obviously inefficient.


you can't change anyone but yourself. so she either changes herself on accepts the status que.

the money,the Fiar distrabution of chores and caring for the kids was the issue thats how I read her thread.

as far as finding a job where she lives well your right welcome to the real world its not disney movies.

not saying its easy but I think in the big sceam of things its not as bad as she makes it out to be.

and I never excused her video gameing sloth of a husband.


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Thank you all for your responses.

chillymorn: 
I don't complain about my chores. I LOVE an organized, clean environment, so I just try to keep everything in order.
The thing is that it is not just the regular house chores... I do everything here, and that means EVERYTHING, while carrying around the baby (he is fully breastfeed). And by everything I mean that my husband doesn't even know how to boil water, if you know what I mean... He has NEVER EVER cooked or at least serve me a cereal bowl. So from breakfast to lunch, to dinner, even tho if is only heating something in the microwave and serving juice on a glass, it is me doing it.
He goes to the living room and would eat and leave stuff there and all the cushions out of place. I pick up. Then he moves to the bedroom and unmakes the bed to lay down to play. I remake the bed. Then goes to the laptop, eats there and leaves the dishes and crumbs there. I pick up. Goes to the bathroom and leaves pee drops on the toilet. I clean it up. I sit the baby on the high chair so he looks after him when I'm cooking. Baby drops the toddler food all over the floor. I pick up. 
He cuts his hair and leaves chunks laying around the computer desk. I pick it up... He drops ANYTHING (keys, paper, empty water bottles, and won't pick them up from the floor! He opens the closet or the pantry and leaves the doors wide open, and the list goes on...
Do you understand?
I don't mind at all doing the house work, what frustrates me is that I try to live in an organized environment and the only way to achieve it (sort of) is by running after him around the apartment to pick up after him... and he is here ALL THE TIME, since he works 2 night shifts per week.


SimplyAmorous:
That is ideal. But according to him, he is the one providing "everything" and I should be thankful because I just cook, and there is NO WAY he would do anything that I ask him to do because "I am not the boss of him" or "I am not his mother".
He thinks that pleasing me is subjugating to me or being less than me, etc.


Starstarfish:
We don't have medical insurance. My baby is on medicaid.
How do I pay for things? My only budget is $100 that I get from my daughter's father monthly. I make extra by doing online surveys and such. I also get coupons for diapers through the manufacturers, ask for them at the Food Pantry we visit, sell stuff the baby doesn't use anymore and buy the other, trade, etc.


PBear/ I'mInLoveWithMyHubby:
He gets away with a part time job by living with the minimum necessary... food stamps supplies part of the food, the other part we get at a food pantry. I buy what is not edible. We never go out ANYWHERE but the library to get the comic books, the grocerie store and the food pantry.


Theseus:
He is a Security Guard.
I never learned how to drive because I never had the need to. My ex would take me everywhere and I took care of the house and children. He doesn't want to teach me because the says he is sure I won't be able to learn and also that I will crash his car. (Or he doesn't know how to teach me, and to ask his mother).
He ignores his mother but not because he is taking my side, is just because he knows that I will feel bad for her and then take care of her, which I would mind if she wasn't so annoying. If I try to talk to him about her behavior, he would accuse me of being disrespectful and thinking my mother is better than his, and we will get in to a huge argument that will end in he saying she goes first than I do and become a Picachu battle in which he has to say the most hurtful and mean things to win. Including evil laugh and all immature behavior you can imagine.


Wiltshireman:
A little of both. He was raised as a mama's boy (one time he even asked me what was wrong with being a mama's boy) and also he doesn't want to help. He just doesn't and that is that.
He makes a commitment to try and change and he just does nothing. Never lifts a finger to even take out the garbage. 
The garbage in the car and the closet is an issue we have talked over and over and over and he just commits to it and then postpones it until we have a huge fight and then he states he will never submit to me and he will never ever pick up anything and then starts making even more mess on purpose. 
He didn't study. He is not making any effort on getting more hours to work. He just waits on them to call him and if I try to talk to him about his behavior and that it disappoints me that he is so careless about everything, he would tell me that it's easy for me since I DON'T DO NOTHING, and tells me to go find a job myself, which I can't do to my immigration status.

Gaia:
Whenever we get into an argument, he starts acting like a mental case and kicking me out of the house, telling me he doesn't need me, spitting on the carpet, raising his voice to scare me away, insulting my family, telling me I think my family is better than his, that I think I'm better than him, that I wish I was his mother, etc.
Like I said, he took off the wedding ring just 2 days after our wedding and has always done it and then put it back on and swear he would never do it again... so since it is a game, I chose to never wear it again. He takes of our pictures and says there's no point since it is over, he will lock the laptop with a password since it's "HIS" and I can't use it... and he goes totally mental. 
The first thing he does when we have an argument is try to take it to the nastiest level possible where he can swear, insult, spit and we have even gone physical when this happens.
Sad, but true. 
I never ever thought I would be in this position... having to put up with inexcusable behavior like this.


We both have our issues. But at least I keep my word when I commit to try to work things out and I'm sincere and conscious about everything.
I will lead him to this post and hope this serves us as couple's therapy, when knowing different point of views.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

AuraH said:


> Thank you all for your responses.
> 
> chillymorn:
> I don't complain about my chores. I LOVE an organized, clean environment, so I just try to keep everything in order.
> ...


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> befor the bashing starts I have and do chores so I know How long it take me do do the various chore that i put times on if it takes you longer thats not my fault your inefficent.



Believe me when I assure you that I'm not inefficient.
My chores aren't timed like regular chores because mine keep multiplying and reappearing over and over, depending on how much mess my husband generates when moving from room to room or if he decides I touched the drinking glass where I wasn't supposed to and I have to prepare more chocolate milk or juice because of his germophobia.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> laundry....at most 3 hrs a week
> dishes 1 hour per day
> vacume 1/2 hour every other day ....at best most people I know vac once a week
> windows couple times a year
> ...


Hahaha! I wish. 
*Family of 6 requires I do a load of laundry a day. But I do other stuff while the machines are running so it's not such a big deal. 
*I'm not ineffective but have a large family that requires breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. Dishes take more than an hour a day.
*I don't have carpet so I don't vaccuum. I have to sweep and mop 5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen, dining, living, and play rooms, and the hallways. Inefficiency has nothing to do with it taking me longer than 1/2 hour every other day. 
*Windows I concur, every couple months, no big deal.
*Dusting has to happen every 2-3 days but I live in a rather hot dusty place with a HUGE dog and a large primarily dirt backyard so lots of dust gets kicked up when he's running and romping. 
*4 hrs of shopping a week sounds exceptionally inefficient to me!! I hate shopping so I can be in and out in under 30 minutes with enough food for the week.
*Prep for breakfast and dinner depends on the meal, but I like to make a lot of things out of scratch. Grew up on home-cooked meals and don't want to feed my family out of boxes either. I guess you could call that inefficient for choosing to not go the fast, throw it in a microwave, way. Lunches/snacks get put together while other meals are being cooked so I guess that just rolls together.
*Things you left out... helping children with homework. Takes about 90 minutes a day to get through all 4. Bed times as the youngest still needs help with bathing/washing hair and brushing teeth. She does okay, but is still supervised. Plus reading to them at bedtime for a minimum of 30 minutes per night. Yard work. 
Then the fact that 3 of my 4 children are "special needs." My oldest has been diagnosed ODD, PTSD, and MD-NOS. The next one is ADHD. The next one has Aspergers. 

Here's the thing. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world! I love being a SAHM and love that I get the opportunity to volunteer at their schools for 10 hrs a week. That I get to attend every conference, event, concert, play, etc. But I do get tired sometimes and wish my H would help out on yard work, homework, or bedtimes every once in a while. 

My point Chillymorn is that EVERY single household has different circumstances so to say that anyone is less useful or inefficient because it takes them longer to do any specific chore is ridiculous!


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

AuraH said:


> Whenever we get into an argument, he starts acting like a mental case and kicking me out of the house, telling me he doesn't need me, spitting on the carpet, raising his voice to scare me away, insulting my family, telling me I think my family is better than his, that I think I'm better than him, that I wish I was his mother, etc.
> Like I said, he took off the wedding ring just 2 days after our wedding and has always done it and then put it back on and swear he would never do it again... so since it is a game, I chose to never wear it again. He takes of our pictures and says there's no point since it is over, he will lock the laptop with a password since it's "HIS" and I can't use it... and he goes totally mental.
> The first thing he does when we have an argument is try to take it to the nastiest level possible where he can swear, insult, spit and we have even gone physical when this happens.
> Sad, but true.



WHOA!!!!! *Full Stop*. Right There.

What you describe above is *outright abuse and much more of an issue than a fair division of chores in the house!!*

You both need better skills at conflict resolution than shouting, spitting, or getting physical. It sounds like the problem is more on his side than yours (although we are only getting your side of the story of course) but regardless, you both need marriage counseling like yesterday!


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Theseus said:


> WHOA!!!!! *Full Stop*. Right There.
> 
> What you describe above is *outright abuse and much more of an issue than a fair division of chores in the house!!*
> 
> You both need better skills at conflict resolution than shouting, spitting, or getting physical. It sounds like the problem is more on his side than yours (although we are only getting your side of the story of course) but regardless, you both need marriage counseling like yesterday!




Tell me something new... I've been asking him to go to see a Pastor I had already had talked through the internet (about 2 years ago) and he's always making up excuses, or saying we have to find someone "neutral" to our situation to talk to (but that never gets accomplished since at the very moment we "re conciliate" (by having sex of course), he goes back to his 24/7 of gaming (and/or "cop abuse" Youtube videos, etc) stating that it is not a one day task to clean up (his closet that has been like that for a year, and the car, and his nightstand). Like he needs to schedule it or something being so busy here.
And of course, he never does it! 
You mention that we needed better skills to handle our problems, but you tell me what kind of skills will help me deal with his irrational behavior? I'm talking about me not being able to express myself because everything I say or ask of him he will say I am disrespecting him or his family and starts insulting me or my family or raising his voice as if I insulted him.
I will give you an example by explaining to you what happen this time.
Our baby is very fussy and wants to be held a lot. As a joke he said that he will take him to grandma's for her to "straighten him out". I said nothing. Then he asked me if I would let her take care of him at her house. I told him that I would be concerned because I don't think she could handle him. 
-Every time she comes and holds him a few minutes, suddenly she'll start screaming that she is in pain and for someone to come and get him out of her arms because she will drop him. 
She can hardly go down the stairs, limping, because she has some problem on her knees, let's say lack of liquid or arthritis or whatever it is.
Also, she has always insisted on us feeding him whatever. Once she wanted for us to give him ramen noodles. Another day a spicy stew... and started talking about how she fed this or that to my husband when he was little.
She also has this small dog that loves to bite and she treats him as if it was her baby. Whenever I say something like my baby reaching a milestone, she would answer back with: "Oh, "xxxx" does this or that", like if she is telling me back about her baby...
Well, those are the reasons I don't completely trust her with the baby.
Back to the conversation... when I told him that I didn't feel comfortable with it, he got offended and started stating: "But if it was your mom it would be ok, right???" I told him not to ask me that, because I could see him trying to get into an argument and that I didn't want that, which he responded with: "Then tell me that you wouldn't let him with your mother either and there will be no argument". 
So in order for everything to be ok, I had to lie just because he wanted? (My mother hasn't even met the baby yet since she leaves in another country!).
I told him that my mother wasn't even here, but that she doesn't have physical limitations.
And that was it. He started insulting my mother, saying that she was an old woman (same age than his mother), that I thought my mother was better than his, etc.
I then told him about my concern she would feed him something inappropriate. He said my mother would feed him dog food from the chihuahua she has. 
I told him my mother wasn't the one comparing her dog with her grandson. 
Then he started offending whom ever he though of, stating that I would let my daughter (I have a 22 year old who also lives abroad) take care of him, so she will give him tattoos... and it went on and on, me trying to explain how I was concerned about my baby's safety and trying to make him understand the reasons, but he just wouldn't let me, because he was busy accusing me of saying that my mother was better than his... and that my mother was a lazy woman that doesn't work and she would wish to be like his... and then the insults, and me getting of my nerves and answering back.
Whenever I say something he doesn't want to hear, he would say I am disrespecting him and would offend me back. When I'm done taking it, I would answer back. Then he starts with the swearing and yelling. If I raise my voice too, he will go even farther, and start with the insults, and the threats, and spitting on the carpet and saying all kinds of nasty things that I feel too embarrassed to repeat here.
I start crying, he starts laughing and mocking me and acting like a cartoon villain. 
Then, when I just can't take it anymore, I explode, because who wouldn't? At that moment... I feel like I totally hate him. I see him as scum and there is so much going on in my mind asking myself how did I let it go so far... how can someone act like this and not feel ashamed of himself? How can he be so careless about everything? How can he not feel any remorse? and why?
How is it possible for someone to compromise and commit to something and do nothing about it??? NOTHING.
Is a freaking never ending vicious cycle that repeats over and over...
After he gets the sex he wants, he starts an argument over a stupidity, turns it into a fight, then into something abusive, shameful and plain nasty. He tells me to leave, we agree on me waiting until we can arrange the divorce or buying the tickets or whatever. Now he doesn't even have the ring to take off because I never put it back. He can't take away our picture because I put it in the trash and then he went and brake it (always having the last to do or say) then after days or weeks without talking to each other, something will bring us to talk, like our baby or whatever. 
He would start with the promises and such (never ever admitting he was wrong or apologizing), ask me for sex because that is the priority and after a few times getting it, things go back to the way they were...


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Honey, you ARE in an abusive relationship.

Read my story (and I worked full-time)

Today I am meeting with my lawyer to file court appearances and an order of protection while the divorce is in place. 

You are going to be in serious trouble if you get divorced, I assume unless he makes 100k a year (working 20 hours a week) you are going to have to fend for yourself after the divorce.

This is a very bad dynamic and it's going to make you hate him.

Do YOU have a way to get into a counselor? If he won't go to MC you need to go alone and talk to someone about this. Then you can start understanding what you will/won't put up with.

Just because he won't go to counselling doesn't mean you shouldn't. It really opened my eyes and I see now how much this relationship almost destroyed me.

I was so brainwashed that all of this was MY fault that I quit a VERY well paying job so we could "save our marriage".. which didn't save it but made it worse because now I was at home all the time so he could abuse the situation even more.

You need to talk to a professional and work on yourself, then decide. They will also give you techniques on staying sane while formulating a plan to leave the relationship. Such as not engaging in arguments etc.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

AuraH said:


> Tell me something new... I've been asking him to go to see a Pastor I had already had talked through the internet (about 2 years ago) and he's always making up excuses, or saying we have to find someone "neutral" to our situation to talk to



That's probably the only thing he's said here that is reasonable. If he doesn't want to use your pastor fine, then find a different counselor, like a non-religious one. He's probably embarassed to have your pastor hear about everything that's been going on. 



> but he just wouldn't let me, because he was busy accusing me of saying that my mother was better than his... and that my mother was a lazy woman that doesn't work and she would wish to be like his... and then the insults, and me getting of my nerves and answering back.
> Whenever I say something he doesn't want to hear, he would say I am disrespecting him and would offend me back. When I'm done taking it, I would answer back. Then he starts with the swearing and yelling. If I raise my voice too, he will go even farther, and start with the insults, and the threats, and spitting on the carpet and saying all kinds of nasty things that I feel too embarrassed to repeat here.
> I start crying, he starts laughing and mocking me and acting like a cartoon villain.


I'm guessing the reason he does this is out of massive insecurity. For whatever reason, he believes you see yourself and your mother so superior to him. So he deliberately pushes your buttons and mocks you because he enjoys the reaction he gets. It makes him finally feel a little superior to you. I can relate because I remember doing this myself... when I was like 10 years old!! Emotionally, he's still a child and will take a looooong time to grow out of this. 

It escalates because he can't let you be on "top" in the argument. You yell, and get upset, so he yells louder and gets more upset. He is determined to outdo you no matter how far you go with it. There are no "winners" here. 

I'm not sure what the best solution is for you at this time. Walking away is better than taking his abuse. MC certainly couldn't hurt.


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Theseus said:


> I'm guessing the reason he does this is out of massive insecurity. For whatever reason, he believes you see yourself and your mother so superior to him. So he deliberately pushes your buttons and mocks you because he enjoys the reaction he gets. It makes him finally feel a little superior to you. couldn't hurt.



Or him feeling inferior to everyone? Or being ashamed of his mother's behavior and taking it on me for noticing it? Is like he gets mad at me for not ignoring her bad manners like he does.
He is constantly thinking that the others are talking about him behind his back. For example, if my mother calls me, he would ask me if she said something about him. If I say no, he continues with the investigation "are you sure?" " I bet that when she asked for me and you told her I was playing video games she started criticizing me". Even though my mother hasn't comment anything about it. 
When my daughter came to visit for Christmas, he continuously asked me if she had told me that he wasn't good enough for me, or if she asked why I was with him.
He always avoid having to interact with people, I'm the one that has to do order when we eat out while he waits sitting (and I mean fast food restaurants. If someone knocks on the door, I am the one that has to answer it, because he goes to our room... if maintenance comes, I have to deal with them. Pest control and everything else. Same for all the calls, unless is something I wouldn't know nothing about, and even then, a lot of times he tells me what to say or ask...

What hurts me is that even if he has this inferiority issues with the world, why do I have to pay for it? Aren't I the one that is by his side? Why doesn't this make me part of his "team"???
This is exactly how he acts. Like him and his family are a team and I'm in another team with the rest of the world.
Nobody can touch a hair of his twin brother and his mother. They can be as impolite or rude as possible but if I dare point anything out, he would always take their side and act like I am the enemy. And believe me that I am not the kind of person that would talk about anyone without having a reason to do it.
Why did he marry me at all if I was never going to be part of his pack???


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

bunny23 said:


> Honey, you ARE in an abusive relationship.
> 
> Read my story (and I worked full-time)
> 
> ...



I appreciate your advice. 
This relationship has suffer so much that I already got to the point where I feel totally hopeless.
We both have our issues but I have never acted as if the relationship was disposable or a burden, like he has.
I feel so worthless. My husband is never there for me. He would not protect me. There has never been an act of kindness... first and second year Wedding Anniversaries he has forgotten or ignored. I never get anything special on Valentine's Day, Christmas, birthdays... I got through my whole pregnancy without any help from him. No special treatment ever. Not even a rub in the back. Not a feet massage, not a meal.
I had a c section and came from the hospital to do my chores as usual and take care of the baby. No recovery time needed.
I'm married to someone who at the smallest disagreement would tear me to pieces and brake all he promised over stupidities... take off the wedding ring, tear our pictures, lock the computer and generally treat me with despise. Who doesn't have boundaries or respect for our family... for this marriage.
Someone I can't even have a conversation with, because whenever I try to talk to him about his lack of interest for anything but video-games or sex, he would start an argument accusing me of disrespecting him.
Someone who doesn't have any shame on being so lazy and doesn't want to change his way no matter how much is affecting us or who wrong and abusive it is.
Months and months of dirty clothes in a huge smelly pile, water bottles, paper, empty containers, dirty clothes, receipts, hair, crumbs of food on his nightstand and the computer desk and the front seat of the car, ****roaches in the trunk and I'm the offender for trying to persuade him to change???
0 collaboration as not even picking up after himself??? I'm not even talking about taking out the garbage!
My son is 10 month and he has never ever spent a dime on him. EVER. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? And can you believe he doesn't understand why???
I can't even go on... I feel so impotent.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

number who give the right to give my information here? you aint no saint darling you havent work in a decade or more all this coming from the woman who the only thing she cares about is why uis my cellphone ringing or treat me like a crimminal you all dont know half of it so what if i play video games your rather me to be an alcholic hahaha if i work 20 hours a week is cos thats what they give me who do think you are to judge me when you havent move a finger for work in adecade enjoy your little forum


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Wow, way to come here and show yourself in a better light.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

The only thing this woman care about is controling me why did the cellphone ring why the home phone ring why you mother call you when your outside of the house etc you cant play online cos your gonna talk to people and cheat on me when i dont this woman only cares about control see me like an nothing compare me to other men she had and deny me everything ans she wants the world? Idont think so control: Cant play online cos your gonna talk to people and cheat on me which of you wont let your adult husband play online ?tell me she wants to run to the cellphone each time it rings and even if idont know the number then is from someone im hiiding cant anywhere alone because i have a secret agenda is a miracle i can go to work if this woman have her way ill be in chains like a dog control,abuse me deny me and treat melike im nothing denies sex for no reason and cant do everything normal becasue she doenst want to ha.the 22 year old daughter of this women requested a bakground check on me just becasue she dintwanna anwser the phone when called it and i got mad but shes an angel and she doent deserve psunishemnt


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Wow - being a criminal or an alcoholic are the only two choices?

You two just shouldn't even be together. Neither of you are capable of being adults yet.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

shes not angel if you feminist people knew her past....why is this woman judging me when i havent do half of what she did in her life?please i work that little becasue of the companie not becasue i choose to she wants to control everyhting we have to go to the store when she wants to or im abusing ha good one icant play video games becasue she say so i cant talk to my family whenever i want cos she say so this woman only cares about checking the cell phone checking the compueter historial put trakcing programs on the computer control fidel castro is nothing compare to this woman.i have to give her the world just cos she cooks? please i pay the freaking rent all bymyself this women psends 14 hours in the internet the freaking electric bill doubled this mothn becasue of that i pick after myself and not clean freak like her or all of you sorry


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> number who give the right to give my information here? you aint no saint darling you havent work in a decade or more all this coming from the woman who the only thing she cares about is why uis my cellphone ringing or treat me like a crimminal you all dont know half of it so what if i play video games your rather me to be an alcholic hahaha if i work 20 hours a week is cos thats what they give me who do think you are to judge me when you havent move a finger for work in adecade enjoy your little forum




What information? I didn't give away any personal information.
I am no saint, I NEVER SAID THAT, just like I never told you I was one, on the contrary, I have always given you the truth since we met, no matter how hard it was for me.
I haven't work? What was I doing back there? It was a miserable paying job, but I was doing it. 
Your boss has been calling all day since 8:00 am and you don't want to pick up. Maybe he is going to offer you more work???
Besides, what does that have to do with nothing? You knew about this. We talked about it plenty before I came to this country, we knew I was not gonna be able to work until my paperwork came through and you committed to everything because you wanted me here, as much as I wanted to be with you at the time.
Get real, stop making up excuses, why instead of attacking me like that and being irrational you wont try to talk it out and embrace what you can about the different opinions and point of views of the ones that are "neutral" to us and could give us their advice?


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

No yu dont want advice you want to destroy me here and you want everybody here to think your a little victim when your not you dont wanna fix anything you want people to destroy me and thats that.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

This people aint neutral their feminist man haters they will defend regardles so enjoy your spotlight.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Fair is: I set the rules you cant work with people because their women and you a man fair is you cant speak o your family whenever you want beacasue without me knowing becasue your hididng somehting fair is you cant play online becasue if your having fun without me is a sin fair is your the crimminal is this piece of **** relation and the judge jury and excutioner fair is one time i was sitting in front of the computer and this woman enter the room and shes ask why did you move what yu hidding hahahaha can anybody believe that? Fair is iwill denie you sex and everything realted becasue i can.fair is ilwill compare yout o my ex everytime becasue hes better than you fair is if you dont clean the way i want your a dirty pig fair is if we dont go to the store when i say so your abussing me fair is ok for me wharever the check i want about you and your family but if you say something then your abussing me fair is your looking at all the women when we go out side when im not


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Fair is i will denie you everything treat you like a piece of **** and a crimminal and expect the world from you yes thats fair my wife you win.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Er, not feminist or a man hater. In fact, half the people here are men. Love to see some chime in.

Someone pass the popcorn. Jerry Springer is starting.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Gamerr said:


> This people aint neutral their feminist man haters they will defend regardles so enjoy your spotlight.


:lol:

OH YEAH, you got us there man! We are just a bunch of man hating feminists here on this MARRIAGE forum! 

Sheesh.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> Fair is: I set the rules you cant work with people because their women and you a man fair is you cant speak o your family whenever you want beacasue without me knowing becasue your hididng somehting fair is you cant play online becasue if your having fun without me is a sin fair is your the crimminal is this piece of **** relation and the judge jury and excutioner fair is one time i was sitting in front of the computer and this woman enter the room and shes ask why did you move what yu hidding hahahaha can anybody believe that? Fair is iwill denie you sex and everything realted becasue i can.fair is ilwill compare yout o my ex everytime becasue hes better than you fair is if you dont clean the way i want your a dirty pig fair is if we dont go to the store when i say so your abussing me fair is ok for me TO SAY wharever the check i want about you and your family but if you say something then your abussing me fair is your looking at all the women when we go out side when im not


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> The only thing this woman care about is controling me why did the cellphone ring why the home phone ring why you mother call you when your outside of the house etc you cant play online cos your gonna talk to people and cheat on me when i dont this woman only cares about control see me like an nothing compare me to other men she had and deny me everything ans she wants the world? Idont think so control: Cant play online cos your gonna talk to people and cheat on me which of you wont let your adult husband play online ?tell me she wants to run to the cellphone each time it rings and even if idont know the number then is from someone im hiiding cant anywhere alone because i have a secret agenda is a miracle i can go to work if this woman have her way ill be in chains like a dog control,abuse me deny me and treat melike im nothing denies sex for no reason and cant do everything normal becasue she doenst want to ha.the 22 year old daughter of this women requested a bakground check on me just becasue she dintwanna anwser the phone when called it and i got mad but shes an angel and she doent deserve psunishemnt



I'm not a child and you either, so please, stop making up things or not telling the whole truth.
I came to this country and before we got married you pretended to be something else and agreed with not playing online anymore. I DIDN'T FORCE YOU. Since we met in an online game, we agreed we didn't have to be contacting anymore people or putting the relationship at risk. We both agreed on that and you didn't keep your word. Not only I have to put up with your video game addiction and having to beg you to spend family time together, but also you want me to tolerate you doing it with strangers???
You have access to all of my things and everything in my life. I leave my email account while you start checking everything, the cellphone, etc and give you every detail about what's happening with my family when you don't even care and only ask me so you can rub it back later. But you have to be secretive about everything. When they change your hours, even your mom knows about it and I DON'T! Is that normal? Not to tell your wife what's your schedule? That I know you are going to work because I see you put on your uniform when you are about to leave??? 
You never call your mother and your brother, but whenever you are away from home, you take the time to text and communicate with them. Wouldn't it get your attention if I waited for you to go to work to communicate with my family?
Main thing here is that you believe you have the right to ask anything of me and get it, to search through my stuff and have access to my entire life while I have to look for clues such as you putting on your uniform to know when you are leaving for work.
I can't believe you're still complaining about the sex without worrying about what is happening here.
You can't even please me when I ask you to shower before having intercourse and then get offended if I don't want to participate in certain activities. 
I can't talk to you about anything because you would always say I am offending you and that is how you get away with everything. 
I start talking to you about being organized and you start with the "You're not my mother" act and pretend I'm insulting you or something. And that applies for absolutely everything else...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Gamerr, a guy here. To be perfectly honest, you're not being coherent enough to understand your side of the story. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Omg you clean so much thats why the electric bill when from 55 to 90 in one mothn yes you clean so much you spend from 7am until 2am if no longer on the internet this aparmetn aint a castle my love you dont wash my clothes you clean fter your daughter and our son so what if idontwanna clean poop who wants to?but ifcant do it i would if idont shower the boy is becasue idont know how thats not a crime he depends much more right now of you than me this woman spends all day on ebay buying crap shes doent need cleaning all day? Pelase she used to contrl the men she been with and beacasue and not like that and the bad guy here sureeeeeeeee she doent know how to drive becasue her ex did everything for her which women that respect herself would speak like that this woman dont wan a man shes wants daddy to grab her by the hand and do everything for her.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

My side of the story is this woman came here expecting a daddy not husband she wants me to pay for everthing drive her everywhere she wants whwnever she feesl like it do everything she wants or im abussing expecting aman who would lower his head and take abuse,being denied of eevry right she cHEAT on everyman she been with i never cheated and im the one whos going to cheat if i play online hahahahah good one this WOMAN wants the world when all she gives is dog crap.im the abusser becasue idont feel like going to walmart right now im the abusser becacsue the cellphone rang and ididnt run to tell her im the abusser becasue idont throw myself to the feet of her daughters that look at me like im some piece of **** im abusser becasue idont want to GO the pool whenever they feel like it


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> fair is ilwill compare yout o my ex everytime becasue hes better than you fair is if you dont clean the way i want your a dirty pig fair is if we dont go to the store when i say so your abussing me fair is ok for me wharever the check i want about you and your family but if you say something then your abussing me fair is your looking at all the women when we go out side when im not



I have compare you when you want to make me believe that "all man are like this" and that you being so incredibly messy is normal when is not. I tell you that no man I've ever met or share my life with acted like this. Just tell me if it is normal that there's a giant pile of dirty smelly clothes in your closet sitting there for about a year??? And when the ****roaches show up and I suggest they might come from there you get offended and start insulting me.

You consider that I boss you around when I ask you to go to get food. Like THIS MORNING when I got up and got dressed and got the baby ready while you were watching me do it without saying NOTHING, so when I asked you if you were going to keep playing and not getting dressed, you could tell me you didn't want to go. JUST BECAUSE.
We were supposed to go get FREE FOOD at the church, but you just didn't feel like it. 
That is just irresponsible and I bet everyone would agree and you know it. When things need to be done, you do it and that's it! I don't get to say I don't feel like changing the baby's dirty diapers. I don't get to say I don't feel like cooking. And so on. I just do it and try to make the best of it. I don't enjoy doing my chores, but I know I have to do them! RESPONSIBILITY, not being bossed around like you want to project.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Wow! How in the hell do people get themselves in these messes?

You both need to reassess your marriage and goals. If working part-time for the rest of your life is the goal, then your bucket list is complete. If you want to be able to do other things in life, then a full-time job is needed.

That's all I've got other than to suggest that perhaps the husband is not a germaphobe. That was the only lol moment in this entire thread. Makes me want to check on my supply of lysol.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Video game adiction?yeah the apartment pays by itlsef same for the elctric bill and everything else you spend all day watching video blogs of some random woman pregnacy on youtube and i have an addiction? Funny this woman rather for me to be an alcholic than play video games thats how funny is this.when i meet her she used to ddrink every freking day and idont drink


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

RESPNSABILTYS?Yeah thats why is 126pm and wheres the food? No internet forum fight goes first very funny


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> Omg you clean so much thats why the electric bill when from 55 to 90 in one mothn yes you clean so much you spend from 7am until 2am if no longer on the internet this aparmetn aint a castle my love you dont wash my clothes you clean fter your daughter and our son so what if idontwanna clean poop who wants to?but ifcant do it i would if idont shower the boy is becasue idont know how thats not a crime he depends much more right now of you than me this woman spends all day on ebay buying crap shes doent need cleaning all day? Pelase she used to contrl the men she been with and beacasue and not like that and the bad guy here sureeeeeeeee she doent know how to drive becasue her ex did everything for her which women that respect herself would speak like that this woman dont wan a man shes wants daddy to grab her by the hand and do everything for her.



Even your mother agrees with me on this one... I don't know why you want to pretend and act like being so messy is normal. I've never seen anything like it until I met you.
I wonder who I get to do ALL of the housework, take care of my daughter and the baby, cook, pick after you and deal with your mother if I spend my whole day on the internet.
Yes, I do spend more time than before, BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO GET THE MONEY THAT YOU ASK ME FOR THE ELECTRICITY SO WE CAN HAVE THE AIR CONDITIONER ON by participating in the stupid surveys, which takes time and is no fun at all like your gaming.
You don't want to clean poop so you don't do it? Is that so?
You don't know how to bathe the baby so you will never give your son a bath??? Did I know how to do it before my first pregnancy? Did anybody else knew? Every father that I know participates somehow in they're baby's life with this little things... it is just SAD that I have to be discussing this with you.
And I do buy things on eBay! Cheap things I need or things for my daughter and OUR BABY. Go check my purchases! Am I buying cigars or alcohol? I see stuff for his upcoming birthday a pacifier, a couple of rompers, etc. 
Do you really believe that it doesn't brake my heart that this baby is 10 months and you have NEVER spend 5 cents on him? That you have never worried about he having enough diapers, clothes, etc???
I never learned how to drive because in my country it was normal for people to use public transportation or the husband driving the wife. I never learned you know why??? Because I didn't have the need. It was not an impossible thing or such a gigantic effort for a husband to drive with his wife to the grocery store.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Confirmated this woman wants me to dot everylittle thing the ways she wants to fidel castro reincarnated if its no the way shes wants then is crap confirmated everybody.


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> shes not angel if you feminist people knew her past....why is this woman judging me when i havent do half of what she did in her life?please i work that little becasue of the companie not becasue i choose to she wants to control everyhting we have to go to the store when she wants to or im abusing ha good one icant play video games becasue she say so i cant talk to my family whenever i want cos she say so this woman only cares about checking the cell phone checking the compueter historial put trakcing programs on the computer control fidel castro is nothing compare to this woman.i have to give her the world just cos she cooks? please i pay the freaking rent all bymyself this women psends 14 hours in the internet the freaking electric bill doubled this mothn becasue of that i pick after myself and not clean freak like her or all of you sorry



I've had it with you making a circus or a freak show when you need to hold your ball straight and try to do something for this marriage. All you do is try to win an imaginary epic battle and make everything a nasty thing. You don't even believe in what you're writing here, GET REAL AND GET SERIOUS FOR GOD'S SAKE! How can you live with yourself?
Don't worry about the electric bill, I always have to pay the difference! Don't talk as if it will come out of your pocket...
I'm no clean freak, I DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE IN A HOUSE!
Even the messiest person would agree that IS NOT NORMAL to have a whole year of dirty clothes piled up in a closet's floor.
Even the messiest person will agree that it is not normal to let something fall on the floor and then make an appointment to maybe pick it up next week. Is not normal to let 2 years pass by without washing the car, or having ****roaches in the trunk and not cleaning up the trash you have there!


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

I told her just to leave theres nothing left here go live with her mother but she wants to stick here forcing this crap and im the one whos on the wrong


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You two really need to take this to a marriage counselor...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> RESPNSABILTYS?Yeah thats why is 126pm and wheres the food? No internet forum fight goes first very funny



Don't worry honey, I will cook the food you didn't want to go get this morning when you didn't feel like it.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Think whatever the heck you want just leaveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee go control another fool go whinne to your mother i had enoigh of you


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

She wants to force this crap


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Marriage? No this i aurah want i need and you do as i said more like master and slave relation.i would say.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Dude, you realize you're on the hook for 17+ years of child support if she leaves? Say goodbye to a big chunk of your income...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

You dont clean whine whine whine whine i clean enough just beacsue im not a clean freak like you dont cook **** as if i need you for anything


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Go live with your mommy and do cleaning competitions and spend all day online like you do here im not going to summit to you never


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> I told her just to leave theres nothing left here go live with her mother but she wants to stick here forcing this crap and im the one whos on the wrong


You tell me to leave in every argument we have, you make you emo scene, take ring off, put password in the computer, take our pictures, etc. and whenever you thought I was serious about wanting to leave, you would come to talk to me and tell me how we needed to work things out and how you still loved me. This is a circus, you can't even be loyal to your own words, that is why you keep swearing on our son's life to not do this again and yet can't be away from it.
MAN UP, you are irresponsible and immature boy wanting to play house.
You really disgust me.
I though you were going to try to talk it out but you just need more public for your drama queen show.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

No talk it out is i summit to you and thats not going to happen ever drama queen im not the one wiritng private **** in this forum ok? Just give them my ssn and driver license now talk it out your way idont think so super wife hahaha in hell maybe.i love you and? Doesnt mean i want this **** you comprimed yourself to treat me bbtter wheres it is? Yeah the scratch on my neck there it is yea talk **** about my mother jsut becasue you want and can good


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

PBear said:


> Dude, you realize you're on the hook for 17+ years of child support if she leaves? Say goodbye to a big chunk of your income...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



As you can see, it is impossible to try to reason with this *man*
After what he did to me this morning and us not talking to each other for more than a week, he came to me this morning asking for sex! That is how much he wants me to leave.
He told me I'm his wife and that is my responsibility.
Having sex is a responsibility I had to fulfill for him, not him taking me to pick up the food.
He always gets his way, this time I denied him and asked him to come to the forum and to try to talk about our issues. But he had to turn it into a Jerry Springer situation, he had to compete and win, as always is about power for him, and who does the worst. 
When someone doesn't agree with him, he would attack, because there is no way he would admit he is wrong. He needs to win even when he is the loser.
Apparently, he loves to make a fool of himself.
This is the last I will post, there is plenty to do and just me to take care of it.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Wow your so cool anybody interested in aurah? If shes so good of a wife there must be hundreds ready to take her from me let me know thanks.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Yeah theres plenty videos on youtube go watch then theres 12 hours more of internet usage foryou.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Gamerr, what's your plans for your day?

C


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Today is my day off sir i can do whatever i want i think?


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

And isnt true i work 20 hours a week is very rare for that to happen mostly i work 30+ and if i work 20 is the company fault they have no more job for me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Gamerr said:


> Today is my day off sir i can do whatever i want i think?


And? What are you going to do?

C


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Relax.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Funny wife said that theres plenty for her todo but she still sitting in front of the computer hahahaha


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

I knwo your reading you not a good liar dear


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

For all intents and purposes but is this a Troll post?:crazy: Notice how the spelling was attrocious and his sentences were not put together, nor made sense. Last couple of post seem to have changed. Be a grown man and talK care of your responsibilties, stop blaming anyone but yourself. You both need to get off the "welfare" system attitute. You get free stuff yet you have the internet and phones.????? Gamerr, you said your wife had a drivers license??? How can that be if she states she never got one?

Aurah, if you don't like the mess keep picking it up or if you have had enough, drop his a$$. Not sure why you stay in the first place:scratchhead:


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

This is not a spelling bee competition. Internet is a necessity so are phones. And i never said she had a driver license what mess? She blow it out proportion.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

Well, the good news is that Gamerr and AuraH still care enough about each other to fight. I suggest the two of you are not going to be able to resolve your differences on your own. I believe AuraH suggested having a discussion with your pastor. That might be a good place to start if both of you have respect for the honorable pastor. 

We are not here on TAM to referee or negotiate on your behalf. That's your job and it sounds like you have much to discuss concerning needs, expectations and boundaries. Kindest Regards-


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Wow. Just...wow.

A lot of what you're saying, Gamerr, are defensive things my husband would say when we had fights. Thing is? When we sat down and talked to each other, calmly, he was able to admit that I really wasn't this Nazi trying to control his life.

Likewise, AuraH, when we sat down and I was able to communicate with my husband, I was able to see and admit that he wasn't this lazy, do-nothing kid who wanted to be mothered.

When you're mad at someone, everything they do seems to be wrong. And if you're mad at them all the time...well, it can warp how you think of them.

But in order to get to a point where my husband and I could see that, we needed marriage counseling. I know you don't have a lot of money, but the pastor I'm sure offers his advice for free, and there may be other resources you can use. But both of you have to be 100% on board and want to fix your marriage or else it won't work.

I feel so bad for your children, honestly. They're growing up in a home filled with anger and resentment. Even if you don't fight in front of them, they still see and feel it. That's a horribly toxic environment.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> This is not a spelling bee competition. Internet is a necessity so are phones. And i never said she had a driver license what mess? She blow it out proportion.


Literacy Gamerr not a spelling bee. People in todays society believe that phones and internet are a necessity, WTF, they are a want. Taking items for free when you pay for wants....???? Really need the internet, go to the public library, it's free.

Why don't the two of you sit down and have an adult conversation. I'm sure there are areas you both can give in to make things work. Or, decide where you need to go from where you are.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

this is not a topic of what we can have or not word.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Gamerr, I understood your last post to say something to the effect of 
"This is not a topic that we can discuss."

Am I understanding you correctly?

I never said it would be EASY to have these conversations. It's not! I still yell sometimes; my husband still gets sullen and shuts down sometimes. But if we gave up, then nothing would get fixed, and to us, getting our issues fixed is the most important thing in the world, even more important than one of us being right or things being easy.

If you feel like you can't talk, then maybe you two should consider finding someone you can talk to. For all his faults, my husband is the person I can tell anything to, no matter how embarrassing or personal, and he can tell me anything as well. If I couldn't talk to him, well, what was the point of marrying him?

Y'all loved each other at one point, I'm guessing. Either find that loving feeling or find another spouse.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

the material stuff we have is not the topic of this thread.talk? theres no talking with her just admitting that im the bad guy the one with the problems and summit lower my head idont think so.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Again, my husband would say the same sorts of things. 

What I hear and understand from your words is that you feel as though if you try to talk she will not be receptive so you don't see any point in talking. 

Does that sound right?

Our counselor helped us to see that both of us had to work together on our communication. My husband had to not shut down as much. I had to be less confrontational. 

My reaction to feeling unheard is to raise my voice. My husband had to learn that when I shout and yell, it's not out of anger, but because I don't feel listened to. Likewise, when he shuts down, that's his way of handling feeling unheard. I have to recognize that and be willing to change my actions so that he doesn't feel like he's unappreciated.

So now, when we fight and I get argumentative, it's HIS job to say "LAD, you are being argumentative. Calm down. Let's speak about this calmly."

And when he shuts down in a conversation, it's MY job to say "Mr. LAD, you're shutting down. This issue isn't resolved, and we aren't going to table it for later."

But that takes work, and talking together, not arguing on an internet forum. I hope you two are able to do that.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Gamerr said:


> the material stuff we have is not the topic of this thread.talk? theres no talking with her just admitting that im the bad guy the one with the problems and summit lower my head idont think so.


I think that this is your wife's thread and not yours...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

LoveAtDaisys said:


> For all his faults, my husband is the person I can tell anything to, no matter how embarrassing or personal, and he can tell me anything as well. If I couldn't talk to him, well, what was the point of marrying him?


This you're saying here is KEY.
You feel you can trust your husband which is something crucial in any relationship, specially marriage.
One thing that hurts me a lot is the fact that I can't feel that he's got my back, since whenever we have an argument, he'd most likely stab me in the back and start spreading whatever I'd confided in him. He has even blackmailed me and threaten me to tell people about whatever mistakes I made in the past or even about stuff that doesn't even concern him, like things members of my family have trusted to tell me, problems, etc. and he would manipulate all the information he gets.
Then I'm the bad person for not trusting him in that aspect. Would anyone? You go on and open your heart to someone and tell him every mistake you've made in your life, your fears, even private things that belong to others and at the first disagreement that person would go shouting it all out or taking advantage of it...
I'm the one that should feel betrayed and insecure...


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

cant talk to her she needs to win no matter what if its not her way im abusing im not responsible im the worse etc. shes the one whos always rigth shes the one who knows how the world works and thats that.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

hahaha enjoy making me look bad enjoy it


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

speaks the one who cheated on everyman she had before me yea right


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

trust in someone who looks a me like the worst crimminal in the world? no way in hell to this woman im not more than trash


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> the material stuff we have is not the topic of this thread.talk? theres no talking with her just admitting that im the bad guy the one with the problems and summit lower my head idont think so.



As you can see, it is very hard to reason with someone who won't admit when he is wrong, because it will mean that he will "lower his head" or whatever... 
He seems to think that he would be less or something, it is all about who is more powerful or who wins.
I came here trying to get people to give their opinion... first on the house chores and picking up after oneself so he might realize that his behavior is not right. That being so messy is unfair and is not normal like he wants me to believe.

Why would you avoid being open to other peoples advice?
You're acting like if you're a wild animal afraid of being tamed.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

keep disrepecting me best wife award winner.


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> speaks the one who cheated on everyman she had before me yea right


There it is.
I made two huge mistakes, the first one not being loyal to certain relationship (until the end that is, because it was already ending), but the biggest one was to confide my private things with someone that wasn't worth it.
A random stranger from the street would have been more loyal.
Someone mention trailer trash before. I think that is exactly what I got.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Gamerr, relationships are give and take. Every once in a while, yes, you have to submit. Just like every once in a while, she has to submit. And while she may have made mistakes in the past, unless she has given you reason to feel as if you can't trust her, you can't hold it against her!

AuraH, he's your husband. Frankly I feel like your statements are a little disrespectful and hurtful to him. "Trailer trash"? "A random stranger would have been more loyal"? Those are some heavy, hard words. If this is how you two speak to each other in real life, I can understand why he may not be as willing to be open with you.

You two really, really could benefit from therapy. If not, there are some awesome self-help books that I think could prove useful. This tit-for-tat nasty name-calling is no good for your marriage or your children.


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

LoveAtDaisys said:


> Gamerr, relationships are give and take. Every once in a while, yes, you have to submit. Just like every once in a while, she has to submit. And while she may have made mistakes in the past, unless she has given you reason to feel as if you can't trust her, you can't hold it against her!
> 
> AuraH, he's your husband. Frankly I feel like your statements are a little disrespectful and hurtful to him. "Trailer trash"? "A random stranger would have been more loyal"? Those are some heavy, hard words. If this is how you two speak to each other in real life, I can understand why he may not be as willing to be open with you.
> 
> You two really, really could benefit from therapy. If not, there are some awesome self-help books that I think could prove useful. This tit-for-tat nasty name-calling is no good for your marriage or your children.



If you have been reading my posts, I have never referred to him in a disrespectful manner until now, because enough is enough!
I'm the one always trying to work things out, to talk it out and to try to reason with him. He always asks me for sex in exchange of picking up his mess, gets it a few days in a row and does nothing after. He NEVER keeps his word.
Just this morning, he asked me for sex.
Just after he treated me the way he did when he started posting here, he asked me for sex again. "MAKE UP SEX" he said!
And if you have been following this thread you will see me trying to give my reasons about why I feel the way I feel when he just acts as id he could care less of me and spits out my private things to get even. Did I do that??? Did I talked about his mistakes in the past or things he might have done that deserve to be preserve private??? (Specially if they didn't happen withing the relationship but more than 10 years ago).
Do you think is fair for me to be the only one who tries to talk things out??? And while I'm doing this he just said that he will never ever do nothing for me, he will never pick his mess up, and just start acting like a 10 year old having a tantrum. We're talking about a man here!
He just told me 99% of women are trash. And that I just want for him to submit to me and he won't ever pick up his mess but do even more.
HOW CAN I NOT FIRE BACK???
Have I talked about him the way hes talked about me here, specially knowing he is right there reading???


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

One of the few strengths of my marriage is that we split the life duties very evenly. Because we know that we are both willing and able to do the tasks, it tends to not matter who does but rather that it gets done. She has the car during the day and so does tasks that demand wheels. I have the time to take care of errands and bills so I take care of that.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

calling me video game addict and calling me dirty is not disrecpetfull sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

this woman wants perfection when she aint just look at her closet a mess old clothes from a decade ago papers from years past and im the one dirty here sure shes a clean freak ok? CLEAN FREAK


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> calling me video game addict and calling me dirty is not disrecpetfull sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



Please, I need someone to help me here.
My husband wakes up to sit on the computer. He would search for game related stuff and ps4, ps vita, nintendo wii u, etc. (He brushes his teeth there. He eats breakfast there, also lunch). He then goes to the bed to play with the nintendo DS. (Messes up the bed, leaves it like that. Has snack). Goes to the ps3. Goes back to computer. (Has diner there).
And now that my daughter got a tablet for her birthday, he uses it too. If we go out somewhere he would have to wait, like when he doesn't feel like getting out of the car and I have to do the shopping alone with the baby, he takes some of those to play too.
Wouldn't you call this video-game addict?


Also, he hasn't wash his car in the 2 years I have here, has garbage piled up on the front seat (I haven't been able to sit in front since the baby was born, he is 10 months). I cleaned it up one day and didn't even get to sit there, since the next time we went out, it was already the same.
There's ****roaches in the trunk.
There's a pile of dirty clothes sitting in his closet's floor for a whole year. We had a bedbug problem and they told us to wash everything in the house, SPECIALLY dirty clothes. I did my part. He didn't. 
He takes off his clothes and leaves them on the floor. The night stand is for throwing paper, receipts, clothes, etc. and the computer desk and it's surroundings is always full of crumbs, hair he cuts and leaves there, cup marks, paper or whatever falls from his hands.
Isn't this being dirty???


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

keep going mother dont stop


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

and your obsessed with wine and watching pregnat women on youtube all ****ing day watching that **** 7am until 3am keep disrepectiming me


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

dirty old clothes from decades ago stinky ****ing hair clogging the tub stinky bloodie tampons in the trash a pile of dirty dishes until she finishes watching pregnat ***** on youtbe dont forget that she bought a vacuum thing for 100 bucs and never used it this woman and her daugter eat **** in my car aleave their crap there and want me to clean it hahaha


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

poor little wife video games give more THAN YOU EVER COULD


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> this woman wants perfection when she aint just look at her closet a mess old clothes from a decade ago papers from years past and im the one dirty here sure shes a clean freak ok? CLEAN FREAK


I don't see how having a safe healthy environment is wanting perfection.
I have old clothes in my closet organized in the hangers. Who cares if they are old??? I have my paper's and y my daughters and baby INSIDE AN ENVELOPE! What is wrong with that? I am talking about dirty clothes from a year ago. 
I am not trying to be disrespectful, I am not making it up. I have ask you over and over to please be more organized and clean. How am I doing anything wrong???


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

She trhows the dirty pooped diapers of my son on the floor of the restroom and leave them there for hours


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

iam if it doesnt suit your needs DEAL WITH IT YOU DONT FILL A THOUSAND THINGS IU NEED EITHER


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Help? Hahahahah your just whinning you want perfection when you are far from it you WANT the sun when you give less than dog poop please get real your used to men throwing youerself at your feet and do whatever the hell you want with them im not that stupid you give me **** **** you will recieved.


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> and your obsessed with wine and watching pregnat women on youtube all ****ing day watching that **** 7am until 3am keep disrepectiming me


Keep the lies coming, that is what got us here, because you are not able to admit your issues.
Tell me something. How am I obsessed with wine? Do I have wine at all? Tell me the last time you saw me drinking. Do I do it regularly??? How so, while fully breastfeeding our baby?
Another thing, this person posts 2 videos per week, how is it that I'm watching her all day??? Even so, is there any harm in watching a green person giving baby advice and such?





Gamerr said:


> dirty old clothes from decades ago stinky ****ing hair clogging the tub stinky bloodie tampons in the trash a pile of dirty dishes until she finishes watching pregnat ***** on youtbe dont forget that she bought a vacuum thing for 100 bucs and never used it this woman and her daugter eat **** in my car aleave their crap there and want me to clean it hahaha


Keep making things up, as if I didn't talk to you about leaving your toilet paper full of crap looking up on the bathroom trash bin, when I am the one that has to take out the trash because you can't even help with that.
The tub was partially clogged and knowing that you went and cut your hair there and left a pool fool of dirty hair, dirty scum floating and your dirty underwear and pretended I had to unclog it like I had to do with the toilet you clog every time you go.
Remind me when I eat in the car??? Plus, if I had to pick up after you living all kinds of **** there, I think my daughter has the right to snack on something one day. (As if we go out so much!).
Yes, I paid for a vacuum that washes the carpet because we've been living here a year and signed for another one, and the carpet is so dirty you can't even walk barefoot. I just vacuum a day a go with the one that picks up the dirt, now I have to find the time to use the other one when you collaborate taking care of your son and not getting out of the room until it dries up.
Instead of being thankful for purchasing it you are rubbing it in my face? Just like when I purchased the washing machine and you wanted me to return it to buy a plasma? 



Gamerr said:


> poor little wife video games give more THAN YOU EVER COULD


Sad, but true. A man that gets all he needs from video-games.
And I am the bad one for asking him family time.


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Gamerr said:


> Help? Hahahahah your just whinning you want perfection when you are far from it you WANT the sun when you give less than dog poop please get real your used to men throwing youerself at your feet and do whatever the hell you want with them im not that stupid you give me **** **** you will recieved.



Stop it with the inferiority issue. Always comparing yourself to others, always terrified of "submitting to a woman" or not wanting to collaborate because "a man that does house chores is gay", etc.

Keep complaining about me using the internet for beneficial purposes. Maybe you'd like to return the diapers they sent me today for the baby to try or the one they are sending in a week. 
Or the 4 packs I manage to get the last time they did the try out, right? Oh, yeah, you wouldn't know that is really helpful since you have never bought diapers to our baby. Or clothing. Or toys...


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

never goona sumit to you say want you want tell everysingle detail of this piece of **** relationship NEVER.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

I like you to return all the money i wasted feeding you when you leave in that peice of **** country better


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

Oiste nuncaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Okay, let's calm down for a minute.

Are you two capable of stopping the back and forth for a minute?

You people have children, right? 

How about you put aside your differences for a minute and focus on your kids.

TO BEGIN WITH, THE INTERNET IS A PRIVILEDGE NOT A RIGHT. 

I am completely for people getting government assistance when they need help getting back on their feet.

Neither of you sound like you are disabled. 

And it sounds like both of you have too much time on your hands.

You made babies. SUPPORT THEM IF YOU ARE PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF HOLDING A FULL-TIME JOB.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

oh shut up i work to pay the internet ok?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

So you are not here for advice, right? Hey, I'll "shut up." No skin off my nose. Best of luck.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

advice? your whinning about something you dont even know stick to the topic then advice all you want.


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> So you are not here for advice, right? Hey, I'll "shut up." No skin off my nose. Best of luck.



I apologize for his behavior.
As you can see, he has an attitude that makes it impossible to reason with.
I tried this because I thought he will see it as neutral territory, but there is no way to please him.
Like I said before, I try talking, he will argue, I argue and he will yell, I raise my voice and he will offend and insult and so on.
That is his way of avoid the real issue.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

and your so perfect barbie


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

never gonna sumit to your crap read this ''wife''


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Gamerr, the topic was asking for advice on a marriage, a PARTNERSHIP. Something you and AuraH obviously do not have. This has become nothing more than "slinging mud" between the two of you and every time anybody else has tried to interject, you have insulted and been rude to them as well. 

We all get it, AuraH doesn't believe that you do enough to help out around the house and she would like more commitment from you to be a part of the household, i.e. helping with children, chores, being a part of family time. And you think that you DO help with some of it but she just doesn't appreciate what you do do. Am I right so far?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

AuraH said:


> I apologize for his behavior.


Don't apologize for his behavior. He owns it. You do not.

My question to you Aura, is why stay? You can go to your county offices and get training to work. Heck, here we have an assistance program for women with kids that helps with day care while the moms get job training. And there ARE jobs to be had ... even in this crummy economy.

You can stay and argue to the death if you want. That is your right. 

Or you can get out. 

Frankly, I don't understand why the two of your are arguing on an internet forum. It isn't exactly helping you move forward, is it?

How old are you two anyway?


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

so is everything she wants becasue shes a woman is that it and my needs what?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Gamerr said:


> so is everything she wants becasue shes a woman is that it and my needs what?


NO.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

prodigal stop commenting about things you dont know i pay for the internet is not free ok i dont have to apoligize for something that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

No, nobody expects you to "give her everything she wants because she's a woman." 

Can either of you say anything about the other that you DO appreciate?


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

its so pretty to demand things when you dont give anything if i want a maid i will get one my needs are very diferent from hers thats the problem she thinks becasuse shes a clean freak i should enjoy it too and no i dont think so.she doenst fullfill any of what i need no 1 thing and she wants the world.


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

she takes good care of our son.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

If she does not fulfill a single need for you, then it would be a favor to you both to divorce.

I was really hoping to hear things like "I appreciate that he does go to work and keeps a roof over our heads." and "I appreciate that she takes care of our children and keeps them healthy."

Somebody else already pointed out that once we are angry, we (people in general) tend to nitpick and find fault with everything! Sad, but true. Sometimes, it takes sitting back and finding small things to appreciate as a starting point. But if you can't even do that, then I'm not sure how anybody can help you save your marriage. That is very unfortunate.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

YAY! You posted that while I was writing. That makes me happy!


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

wheres her response im wondering?


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

I suppose she may be busy or deciding on her answer. Give it time Gamerr. It has been a very rough and heated day for you both. I would guess that you have both been left feeling angry and hurt. The idea is to not focus on that right now, but to try to approach with understanding and compassion. I know, that does not sound easy right now. But the fact that you could come up with a positive tells me that you are willing to try. That's a great sign!

Please, both of you stop with the harsh words and public forum fighting. I am not a licensed counselor but I think I might be able to help if you want it. But it is probably best done in a private message. Please message me if you want.


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## AuraH (Sep 9, 2013)

MyHappyPlace said:


> We all get it, AuraH doesn't believe that you do enough to help out around the house and she would like more commitment from you to be a part of the household, i.e. helping with children, chores, being a part of family time. And you think that you DO help with some of it but she just doesn't appreciate what you do do. Am I right so far?





Gamerr said:


> so is everything she wants becasue shes a woman is that it and my needs what?


Would you please answer his question???


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## Gamerr (Sep 17, 2013)

cant say one nice thing about me i see.


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Time out, everyone. This thread is now done.

AuraH and Gamerr, please take this offline, preferably to a marriage counselor.


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