# Looking for guidance



## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

I'm ready to end my marriage but I don't know how to even begin to start the discussion. Any advice?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

If you post some of your marriage story, issues, age, kids, etc., I'm sure there will be a ton of folks to help.


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

Tell us what your issues in the marriage are?


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

Lying and deception with finances. I've been dealing with and forgiving for 5 years. Right now I found 8 secret credit cards and 1 secret loan and this is repeated behavior.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Gather your evidence and tell you partner you need to talk about divorce.
Then tell your partner you don't feel safe in the marriage.
When they ask why, you show them the proof. Make some spread sheets with the dollar and cents of it all.

Most likely they won't have a clue what you mean so you will have to explain it like you are talking to a child!

Then when they get pissed off you can tell them "that's the other reason why you suck".!

Whats your partner do for a living?


Find an analogy they can relate to.


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

I've already shown some and he says they are all work credit cards that work made a mistake. Some accounts are like 2 years old **** off lol


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

They ALL say "It's some kind of mistake."

The next ploy will be identity theft and hacking.

My buddy divorced a few years back after bailing out his spouse for the third time. He lost his entire life savings. Of coarse she swore on the life of her children each time that it would never happen again.

Edit: I'll add that he was weak and passive in the marriage ....he indirectly has some blame in it. Are you weak and passive ? Who wears the pants?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

britchic80 said:


> I've already shown some and he says they are all work credit cards that work made a mistake. Some accounts are like 2 years old **** off lol


1. insist on seeing the credit card statements or accessing them online to 'prove' they are work related
2. see his response
3. go see a lawyer to see what your options are, you do not want to be lumbered with hidden debt
4. If you are in the UK you can have a credit check carried out, see if your name is attached to any of the debt?
5. I would advise before you actually sit down and talk divorce with him you go to see someone at the *Citizens Advice Bureau *to ask the best way forward, they would have more details about financial issues, etc.

6. once armed with the evidence and advice then sit him down and give him the divorce papers


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

britchic80 said:


> I'm ready to end my marriage but I don't know how to even begin to start the discussion. Any advice?


Ask for an initial consultation with a solicitor to see where you stand legally.


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

I am getting my **** together and leaving the marriage after Christmas. Throwing him out anyway. Finances have since changed in 4 years and I'm not as well off financially as I was but I'm going to make sure I'm.good to go. I feel excitement when I think about getting rid of the toxic in my life


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## brettyboo (May 5, 2018)

britchic80 said:


> ... I feel excitement when I think about getting rid of the toxic in my life


Wow, you seem really set on what your going to do. I guess it's more than just the money - now it's become a significant lack of trust and disrespect. I'm sure you feel betrayed too.

What would it take from him for you to want to keep your marriage?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Would like to hear a detailed account of what happened, @britchic80 ~ and if you feel that there is even a scintilla of hope in keeping this union intact!

How many kids are involved and how do they feel about an impending split?*


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Is there anyone in your life whom you've been depending on for advice? Coworker, friend?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

britchic80 said:


> I am getting my **** together and leaving the marriage after Christmas. Throwing him out anyway. Finances have since changed in 4 years and I'm not as well off financially as I was but I'm going to make sure I'm.good to go. I feel excitement when I think about getting rid of the toxic in my life


Good for you. He has had plenty of chances over at LEAST the last four years, doesn't seem concerned with you or the marriage, as long as he gets to do what he wants to. Financial infidelity is a very valid reason for divorce.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Would like to hear a detailed account of what happened, @britchic80 ~ and if you feel that there is even a scintilla of hope in keeping this union intact!
> 
> How many kids are involved and how do they feel about an impending split?*


https://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/430479-financial-infidelity.html

Her most recent post on the same issue she has had since 2014.


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

There isn't anything at this point.


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