# Saving pictures of ex's



## Lori (Jan 19, 2015)

Hello everyone! Love this site Questions for you all...I have been married for 2 years and found some pictures in my husbands safe of his ex wife that he is saving. He said for his son. Which I understand I guess, but a few are of his ex wife's senior pics which I would assume SHE would have those for their son if he wanted them when he grew up correct? (he is 13). Does anyone find this odd or is it just me? I don't have any of my ex's. I figure of my kids want them, the they can get them from my ex. Makes sense to me! Makes me think my husband still has some feelings there. He assures me he doesn't. But I don't know.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If he's saving them for his son, then I understand why he'd keep them. He could also give them to her for her to keep/give her son.

I do have pictures of my ex. I am not remarried though and am sure any new spouse probably wouldn't be into that. Because we're human.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

Lori said:


> Hello everyone! Love this site Questions for you all...I have been married for 2 years and found some pictures in my husbands safe of his ex wife that he is saving. He said for his son. Which I understand I guess, but a few are of his ex wife's senior pics which I would assume SHE would have those for their son if he wanted them when he grew up correct? (he is 13). Does anyone find this odd or is it just me? I don't have any of my ex's. I figure of my kids want them, the they can get them from my ex. Makes sense to me! Makes me think my husband still has some feelings there. He assures me he doesn't. But I don't know.


I have a lot of pictures of my exes and I save them on my hard drive in a folder entitled "Taxes"  

They are more for nostalgia. I like to remember different parts of my life and it doesn't make me long for them. If anything it makes me reinforce why I'm not with them.

I always regret when I destroy pictures.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Cobalt said:


> I have a lot of pictures of my exes and I save them on my hard drive in a folder entitled "Taxes"


:rofl:



Cobalt said:


> I always regret when I destroy pictures.


Me, too.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> If he's saving them for his son, then I understand why he'd keep them. He could also give them to her for her to keep/give her son.
> 
> I do have pictures of my ex. I am not remarried though and am sure any new spouse probably wouldn't be into that. Because we're human.


Congrats on 20K posts! :smthumbup: woot!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Lori said:


> Hello everyone! Love this site Questions for you all...I have been married for 2 years and found some pictures in my husbands safe of his ex wife that he is saving. He said for his son. Which I understand I guess, but a few are of his ex wife's senior pics which I would assume SHE would have those for their son if he wanted them when he grew up correct? (he is 13). Does anyone find this odd or is it just me? I don't have any of my ex's. I figure of my kids want them, the they can get them from my ex. Makes sense to me! Makes me think my husband still has some feelings there. He assures me he doesn't. But I don't know.


I think you're safe here. No pun intended. 

Seriously... it's not like he's displaying them out in the open or anything.

And besides, depending on the circumstances surrounding the divorce, how dependable his ex is in terms of hanging onto mementos and things of that nature, etc, he might not trust that she'll have any of that stuff available to give to their son once he's older.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cobalt said:


> Congrats on 20K posts! :smthumbup: woot!


Holy crap! W00t!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

This is a great question and I don't really have a good answer, only an opinion. 

Let me qualify by saying, I do have pics of my exes, both of them. It was a sticking point for x2 when she realized it. I didn't have a good answer for her. The truth is, I guess there is some sort of feeling for the mother of my children. She was my first experience. I've known her since I was fifteen. We went through hell together. Those are tough things to forget. The bad times are harder to forget than the good. 

I guess x2 was thinking I would go to them in tough times and look at them pining away for her affection. I can't say I did that exactly. I can only say I would, maybe once in about five to ten years, if even that often, look at them to remember that it was not all bad and bring me back from the hate to complacency and satisfaction that I did the right thing and it was all I knew to do without being caught up in a vengeful state of mind. 

It's really tough to explain, but I don't believe we can ever stop having feelings for someone. I think we just use better judgment to let them go and choose not to love them for real reasons, instead of emotional reasons. 

X2 did have some things tucked away from her first marriage. I can understand a little, I think, the mental questions about the security of the marriage. I brought that up to her. She did seem to understand, but instead of throwing them away, put them in storage. For me, that's more hurtful and telling than keeping them around and honestly admitting true reasons for their continued safe-keeping. 

I have never known if it was really a big deal or just insecurity. I still had to communicate with x1 because of the children. It was rare, though, and through the court or due to some legal issue involving my son. 

X2 talked with her exH on more than a monthly basis at one point. It did bother me, but I felt handcuffed because it was supposedly about her daughter who was having continuous difficulty with life, jobs, and the legal system. All of which, may or may not have been true. She could have just been pining away for the good old days. 

I'll be interested in reading others answers. Wish I could be more help.


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## Lori (Jan 19, 2015)

Thanks everyone...Maybe I am looking into it to much, but I think what really gets me is that he doesn't have any pictures of me in his safe. They are all in a drawer. So if the house burned down he would have his ex and not me lol  Makes me feel like he doesn't love me as much.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I wouldn't worry about for a second, heck I still have a couple family pictures hanging up that have my ex in them, it's part of your family history. And right now you're not part of his history, you are part of his present so he probably never thought to put some of you pictures away. 

Now if you find him night after night sitting at the safe with her pictures in his hand then you need to worry!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Lori said:


> Thanks everyone...Maybe I am looking into it to much, but I think what really gets me is that he doesn't have any pictures of me in his safe. They are all in a drawer. So if the house burned down he would have his ex and not me lol  Makes me feel like he doesn't love me as much.


Sooo... are there no pictures of you and/or the two of you hanging on the walls, on bookshelves, near the TV, on a nightstand, etc...?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Pictures of exes? Sure, got those. So does my wife. Some go back to high school. They're part of our history, so we'll keep them, even if only some are for our kids. Of course, they're stored away, and typically only seen when we're looking for something else. Having them on the walls would be a red flag, though! But, they aren't! There's probably no need to keep naked or erotic photos, but anything else seems more than fine.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Lori said:


> So if the house burned down he would have his ex and not me lol  Makes me feel like he doesn't love me as much.


If the house burns down, he'd still have YOU though! New pictures can be taken - they can't with exes.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Lori said:


> Thanks everyone...Maybe I am looking into it to much, but I think what really gets me is that he doesn't have any pictures of me in his safe. They are all in a drawer. So if the house burned down he would have his ex and not me lol  Makes me feel like he doesn't love me as much.


And what does he say when you talk to him about this?

C


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Unless the pictures are, say, out for general viewing, like in a frame, or you happen to amble upon one in your H's wallet, iPhone or iPad, which could be deemed to be rather indicative of being there for "quick viewing"; or if your H's behavior patterns become somewhat more secretive or radically different, I really wouldn't be all that worried about it! It sounds like a plausible explanation to me!*


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

This only works for me for the reason he gave. I can understand holding on to some for the kids. Someone should do it. You can imagine the parents splitting and both getting rid of all the pics as not to carry the baggage and offend the new spouses and the kids are left with nothing. If everything else is working, think about this for about 2 seconds and never again.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I am FB friends with an ex girlfriend. Some time ago she posted some old pictures including some from the time when we were dating (I wasn't in the pictures). The pictures brought back all sorts of nice memories. I have no interested in getting together with this person again - we split up for very good reasons, and have drifted even further apart since then, but the pictures still remind me of happy times in the past. If I had had pictures of her, I probably would have kept them.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Cobalt said:


> Congrats on 20K posts! :smthumbup: woot!


@ Jellybeans Get a life! (kidding kidding)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lori said:


> Thanks everyone...Maybe I am looking into it to much, but I think what really gets me is that he doesn't have any pictures of me in his safe. They are all in a drawer. So if the house burned down he would have his ex and not me lol  Makes me feel like he doesn't love me as much.


Sounds like a bit of healthy jealousy on your part. You wonder why her and not me? Thing is, he is married to you now. 



Cobalt said:


> Congrats on 20K posts! :smthumbup: woot!


I had no idea. Omg. 



Shoto1984 said:


> @ Jellybeans Get a life! (kidding kidding)


TAM is my life. You are all my life.

I get paid per post. 







(not).


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

Lori said:


> Thanks everyone...Maybe I am looking into it to much, but I think what really gets me is that he doesn't have any pictures of me in his safe. They are all in a drawer. So if the house burned down he would have his ex and not me lol  Makes me feel like he doesn't love me as much.


aww...









He probably doesn't put much thought into it. He's probably proud he was able to get some good looking women in his day and wants to remember it every now and then. Don't worry about it.


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## Lori (Jan 19, 2015)

I asked him about them and he said he didn't know they were there. They are in with a package of other photos. I told him about not having pictures of us in there ect...he said we need to change that and said we are going to put all our pics on a cd and store it.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> *Sounds like a bit of healthy jealousy on your part. You wonder why her and not me?* Thing is, he is married to you now.


I don't wanna thread jack or anything, but I've seen men ask that question and be told it's none of his business what kind of treatment someone else got. Of course it wasn't about pictures.

And JB I don't think it was you saying it (I really don't remember which posters it was).


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

I Don't Know said:


> I don't wanna thread jack or anything, but I've seen men ask that question and be told it's none of his business what kind of treatment someone else got. Of course it wasn't about pictures.
> 
> And JB I don't think it was you saying it (I really don't remember which posters it was).


Probably turnera. She's a troublemaker


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Lori said:


> I asked him about them and he said he didn't know they were there. They are in with a package of other photos. I told him about not having pictures of us in there ect...he said we need to change that and said we are going to put all our pics on a cd and store it.


There's a man who knows how to get her done.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Cobalt said:


> I have a lot of pictures of my exes and I save them on my hard drive in a folder entitled "Taxes"
> 
> They are more for nostalgia. I like to remember different parts of my life and it doesn't make me long for them. If anything it makes me reinforce why I'm not with them.
> 
> I always regret when I destroy pictures.


Am I the ONLY one who start singing "All my ex's live in Texas." when they read that joke?

Brilliantly dry and obscure! :rofl:


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

SamuraiJack said:


> Am I the ONLY one who start singing "All my ex's live in Texas." when they read that joke?
> 
> Brilliantly dry and obscure! :rofl:


I got it. And I actually do got it at home.  George Strait... Very bad english meh, who cares?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

foolscotton3 said:


> I have one or 2 of my child's mother and I (pre child) and a few copies of our first family picture. I have no idea where they are, I should probably find them... almost certain my wife would destroy them if she found them first.
> 
> I had to tell my mother to put family photos that had my ex in them away. She was like, "oh yeah, duh."


It's crap like this that's going to do you in. Do you want to fix your marriage or not?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Cobalt said:


> I have a lot of pictures of my exes and I save them on my hard drive in a folder entitled "Taxes"
> 
> They are more for nostalgia. I like to remember different parts of my life and it doesn't make me long for them. If anything it makes me reinforce why I'm not with them.
> 
> I always regret when I destroy pictures.


I don't have any exs... but I am this type of person.. if it's part of my history, fond memories, places , special times......I'd want some snapshots to take me back ...... it's probably a good thing I don't have exs as I would* refuse* to get rid of the pictures.. I just know how I am.. 

I also would not be bothered if my H had them either, in fact I am upset his mother never took any photos of him & his 1st 2 GF's... they were only like 14/15 but still..... I would have so enjoying having a peek into his world.. 

Finding some pics thrown in a box somewhere.. I would think some men never gave it a 2nd thought.. just doesn't sound a concern...and someone needs to hold them for the children.. I am thankful I have some pics of my Mom & Dad together, even though they split up 9 yrs after they married.. 

I would be very upset if that was taken from me -on either end of them wanting to destroy everything.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

foolscotton3 said:


> *I had to tell my mother to put family photos that had my ex in them away. She was like, "oh yeah, duh."*


 This is a good idea, to allow a Parent/ Grandparent to hold them , then pass them unto the children.. if it's a problem for a new H or new Wife...

Our 3rd son's 1st Gf made him a beautiful scrapbook ...put alot of time & effort into it.. many pictures of him & her..the day she broke up with him, she told ME to take the photo album so he could not destroy it.... and I was happy she did..

I will hold on to that.. it is still his memories.. I will probably use some of those pages at his Graduation party even (he is so over her now)... just not the ones she was IN with him -to be respectful to his new girlfriend.. 

Parents can be a help here..


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Lori said:


> Thanks everyone...Maybe I am looking into it to much, but I think what really gets me is that he doesn't have any pictures of me in his safe. They are all in a drawer. So if the house burned down he would have his ex and not me lol  Makes me feel like he doesn't love me as much.


He has you in 3D, that's cutting edge technology 

Don't you keep your family pictures together? yours and his, and kids? do you have his pictures in the safe?


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

I was with my guy tonight and he hid his phone from me and said I cannot see that stuff.

It did not bug me. Past is the past.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

I have pictures of my ex. He's the father of my child. Why wouldn't I? Most are pictures of the two of them together, but there's a few of him and I on a vacation we took. My one and only trip to the ocean (as in sand and surf, not the Pacific Northwest). 

There on my computer, not the walls. I see no issue with it when there's kids involved. Or its a photo of a time you don't want to forget, but happens to include an ex in it.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

lovesmanis said:


> I was with my guy tonight and he hid his phone from me and said I cannot see that stuff.
> 
> It did not bug me. Past is the past.


Uh.... what? Seriously? Are you EVER allowed to see his phone?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I wouldn't make the assumption that he still has feelings for her. I still, up to 6 months ago, had pics of my x wife on my Facebook account. Why? Because I honestly had no clue how to get them off of there. My GF showed me and they are gone now. I had no feelings about her, just not very Facebook knowldgeable apparently and had to remove a tag or something 

If he is so worried about having these pics for his kid have him pack them up and give them to the x wife for him then or bare minimum pack them up and put them under the bed of the kids room. Out of sight out of mind


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## MLK22 (Jan 13, 2015)

I have pics of my ex-husband, wedding photos, family photos, etc - that I am saving for my kids. We were married 10 years, there's a lot of life in that. I even have some baby photos of him. I feel safer being the one to keep them. They are packed away and don't come out unless I am looking for something in particular.
This topic also came up when my (current) husband and I were moving our stuff into our new house, just after we got married. He handed me a box while we were in the truck and asked me what I thought he should do with it. It was a box of pictures of his ex, them together, of his daughter when she was a baby, etc. There were even pics of his ex's mom who had given his ex up for adoption. Yack. As far as I am concerned these things belong to his daughter and he has an obligation to her to save them. They are in my closet. His daughter is 20 now - but youth being what it is - I still don't think she's stable enough to be in charge of these precious mementos. Her mother is in prison (that's another story) and she is disinterested in these things right now anyway. So in my closet they are, and that's where they'll stay, until she changes her mind. They are part of her life story. Things may have gotten bad - but they weren't always that way.


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## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

I have pics of me and ex boyfriends...just a few. We later remained friends. I have zero interest (ZERO) in revisiting those relationships but it's fun to look back. Like a pic when I was 24 on Halloween with am ex and our friends at the time (I'm 41 now). If the man I was with asked me to destroy that I wouldn't think he was weird and controlling...oh, wait! That seems to be my current situation!  

Getting off topic...I once found pics of exes in my man's email. I deleted all naked pics immediately (they were ancient history) but didn't delete pics that were clothed. I thought it was inappropriate and no I didn't ask for permission. He didn't ask for permission when he cheated on me.

In your case, I wouldn't worry about it. His reason seems legitimate. He probably put the pics in a place where he would remember them...not like he would really need those in case of a fire.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Neither of us have them or see any point to having them. 

I love how many folks said "I have them stored away, and that's ok, but if they were in a frame/on the wall or on the phone it would be a big no no".

I don't see a difference.

Possession of pictures = possession of pictures, regardless if or where they are displayed.


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