# Hi Girls. A little help please



## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33441-wife-porn.html

This is my topic about my wife with porn! Can you ladies take a look. 
Maybe I should have posted it in here.

Thanks.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Apparently your wife enjoys watching porn. To each his - or should I say, her - own. I never "got" it, although I watched a few films with a bf about a hundred years ago. In my early 20's, I hadn't been exposed to much of life, so I figured, why not? I never felt any burning desire to watch it again. It basically did nothing for me. As a generalization, and again, I said GENERALIZATION ... men are more visually oriented, while it seems to me women are auditorially oriented. Women like to hear a man say sexy stuff; talk about how hot he thinks she is, and how she makes him feel.

On the other hand, apparently there are women who like to watch graphic stuff. It sounds like it bothers you a bit. Guess it's time to ask her about it to find out if she's just into watching it or wants to try some of the routines herself ...


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

I did read your other thread...

From what I gathered, both of you have been into porn at some point in your past, either before you became a couple, and afterwards.

As in your past, she found your exploration in porn via the history in the computer... you didn't purposely leave it out in the open for her to find out of shame, and recrimination. But when she found out, she expressed her feelings... the common "why do you need porn when you've got me" routine..

So now the tables are turned... I'm sure its a big hit to your ego. That you are inadequate in some way or another. She hid the porn from you... probably for the same reasons, as you hid yours... its all about your private fantasies. Neither of you would have hid the porn unless you wished it to be private for whatever reason. 

Its up to both of you to talk with each other about this... express your thoughts and feelings about the topic, and if you wish it to remain a private feature of your lives, or if it is not ok with either of you, then it shouldn't exist in your marriage. 

It seems you are worried about the content as well... if it seems 'natural' in your mind to have one male be satisflied by many females, the opposite should hold true as well... for your wife to have fantasies that multiple males satisfy her.

As women have been told many times... don't worry, porn is normal, natural, don't take it personally, its just a guy thing... the same should be applied for the other side of the coin as well. Some women are visual creatures with no 'emotional' attachment to porn. 

This is something you've got to discuss with your wife, calmly, honestly in love. 

Now you feel what many women go through emotionally when porn is discovered... the ego bruising, the insecurties, the hurt.

Best wishes....


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Thanks girls.
I think your both, and everyone on the other thread is right - just ask her I guess.
It has knocked my ego and made me feel quite crap to be honest.
I think i'll give it a month or so and see if she introduces it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I use porn when I want to get in the mood, when I know my husband wants to get in the mood beyond a typical night (after 30 years of marriage). We go shopping together to find new videos.

If both of you are on the same page, who cares? If you can't handle HER using porn, ask yourself why? That is most likely a psychological (FOO) answer.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

What I find troubling is that you have a situation that really bothers you and you can't or won't talk to your wife about it. How do you expect to have a happy, close relationship with your wife if you don't talk to her about your feelings? Why are you waiting another month? If you feel bad about it, bring it up in a non-accusatory way and just see what's going on.

You may or may not have cause for concern. Sitting around doing nothing won't help. I am guessing you are non-confrontational in general. But your needs and feelings are important! Don't be one of those guys who says nothing, says nothing, says nothing and then explodes. You deny your wife the opportunity to clarify the situation (and create greater intimacy) when you aren't honest with her about your feelings.


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