# Roller coaster Ride



## dazed&confused (Aug 9, 2009)

My marriage is like a roller coaster ride.. Going down is fast and to recover (going up) seams to take forever. My wife has periodic melt downs (like last night) when she asked me to clean the kitchen floor and I made a comment about the rest of this mess we are living in. I can't say anything about the mess without her going ballistic. So she's banging on the walls and I'm preparing myself for another long hall before we are back to normal. 

The last time I went through a period of depression, got some therapy and finally got back on my feet again. Hold on.. here we go again....

As I predicted the house would fall back into shambles, it's not like the upstairs ever got better. Should I question my standard of living? Everyday I come home to this mess and I just get depressed. Everything piles up everywhere, kids stuff her stuff and a little of my stuff gets thrown into the mix. It took me a few minutes to run through all the piles and pick out what was mine and there wasn't even a dent in the mess. I'm working ~50hrs and if you add on my 2hr commute it comes to ~60hrs a week. She's works 20hrs and complains that it's non-stop with the kids who I find does nothing but play video games when not doing home work or at school. She places 50% of the blame on me for the kids in-ability to complete home work, keep there stuff clean or adhere to some rules regarding time on the computer, Wii, Xbox, gameboy, etc... 

So I'm expecting her to clean-up the mess again, keep the house neat for some undisclosed length of time an then slip back into OMG don't let anyone see this. 

I don't think I'm a neat freak just want decent place to hang my hat at the end of the day. Is that too much to ask for? IF she would just pick up after herself and disciplined the kids to do the same then it wouldn't be so bad. 

Where should the balance be? Should it be her primary responsibility to provide direction to the kids regarding home work, time on the computer/games? I have no problem enforcing this when I'm home and we've been to the seminars telling us what is good balance for the kids.

What about the piles of crap that keep piling up? Yes, a good majority of it is the kids stuff and again I would ask who should take the primary responsibility? Again, I have no problem with doing my part but by the time I get home there's little time before the kids are getting ready for bed. How on earth can I make an impact? 

Oh.. there's always the weekend. You know, that time when you should be resting or on Sunday having time for the good lord. 

Any thoughts regarding my comments about the kids and house hold chores given our working conditions would be helpful.


----------



## alone in love (Nov 10, 2009)

Being an overwhelmed mother, I see your wife's side easily. I think you need to sit down with your kids with lists of chores, and when you get home you need to see that they've been done (by the children). And your wife needs to back you up. Maybe there's just too much stuff? Maybe you need to get rid of things you don't need? Maybe a cleaning lady would be a help. Maybe a mother's helper to help keep things more organized at home. I realize you work alot, but a mom can't rest on Sunday - why should a dad? I'm sure your wife doesn't enjoy the mess either. If this is your biggest problem in your marriage, then count your blessings. Maybe a family meeting regarding everyone's responsibilities is in order. And since the mess bothers you so much, you should take the initiative to be the chore enforcer. I know that sometimes being a mom can be so mentally draining that you don't have the physical energy to keep up with the things that need to be done every day. And a day or two of not keeping up can be a disaster! Just approach the subject as nicely as possible - you don't want your wife to see it as an attack.


----------



## dazed&confused (Aug 9, 2009)

I firmly agree if this was really the case. Please let me know if you feel the same way after allowing me to provide additional details. The last melt down was during the summer when she wasn't working. We were in the middle of a big project at work and I was working 10 to 13 hour days and still coming home to find my wife sitting comfortably on the sofa with nothing done. So I started cleaning and got the kids to help where possible. I laid the foundation which she finaly began to maintain but only after an aurgument and lots of nights with me on the sofa. I honestly believe the chores don't start until I come home from work. I can't use cooking as.a choir as I'm still eating the soup from last week. My point is we should both be working so once I'm home we can relax. I have all the manly things that she can't or won't do.on top of a back log of things that keep me busy on the weekend so in her perfect world I should go to work, come home and help her with the things that could have been done if she wasn't keeping up with her soap opera and perhaps I can sit down once everyone else is asleep. Oh did I mention that I have no friends? And if I walk down the street to talk to a neibor she is calling me and telling me to get home. Oh, then there's the "her time" at minimum once a week when she gets together with her friends and I'm at home with the kids. Well, perhaps your right. She is sooo stressed from watching those soaps and maybe the sofa has a bad spring that's causing a sharp pain in her ass. Personally I wouldn't know because I don't spend enough time sitting on it. Sorry, I just can't see her logic. Sure wish I could trade places. A wise old man once told me that "A mans dream is to someday live the life his wife and children do"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

