# BLACK IS BACK!!! (Sorry for the SORRY BETA RESPONSE!)



## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Hi TAM Gang,

I had a little crisis over the weekend. I PM'd MEM about it. He knows the whole story.

What I can tell everyone is that I almost blew up everything I've learned here and lost all the ground I've gained by being here.

My W "busted me" while I was in the process of posting an ANGRY REPLY to one of OGEESH's posts, that struck me as "pollyanna-ish" towards the very real issues that married couples face when the male goes totally beta. (The guy's gotta live in Disney World where everybody eats rainbows, farts butterflies and spends half their days chasing unicorns and leprechauns and the other half writing letters to Santa.)

I had phrased part of my reply that my wife had become a manipulative tyrant who had successfully enlisted my kids into her camp of disrespect and mistrust. She didn't like what I said. 

My first gut response was to dump TAM altogether, and I actually did delete some of my posts, as she didn't know I was a member here and getting advice that has markedly improved our lives together over the last month like nothing else has. Had I done that, it would have been one of the biggest mistakes I could have made.

I got my mad on and with an alpha edge to my voice, I told her that she has no say as to what I do as long as it doesn't harm our marriage. I will continue to say and do what I think is best for our family and any source of truth I choose to reference is my business, not hers. 

She threatened me, saying I was harming our marriage if I kept my account here, that she would make things difficult for me at home like I'd never before seen. So I replied that,"then you are the one harming our marriage and I will flush the whole deal, divorce and make a better life for me and the kids without you."

The short story is that standing up to the bully always beats cowering in fear and starving because your lunch money was taken. 

She lost the argument and has even progressed farther down the road by sleeping curled up in my arms at night for the last 2 nights.

This is incredible considering where we were 2 months ago, before TAM and Manning UP.

So here we are and here we'll stay. Thanks to you all. The journey is long and hard, but it is worth it if you have courage.

Black


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

"In the friction of conflict lie the seeds of attraction"

-Conrad, TAM - 2011


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

"i hope my wife never reads my posts here"

-okeydokie, TAM - 2011


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Yeeeeeees love it. Shout it from the mountain tops. 

:allhail:​


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

How about a snake analogy? I like snakes ...

There are snakes that will try to make you think they are dangerous, all in an effort to scare you off. They will puff up, they will hiss, they will vibrate their tail like a rattle snake. It's all a show. If the show fails? They roll over and play dead hoping you'll just leave them the hell alone.

Then there are snakes that ARE dangerous ... and they will let you know it. A rattlesnake will warn you to back off by using it's unique tail. If you don't take that hint, it has large fangs that will pump you full of hemotoxin, which basically means you will be a very, very unhappy camper.

Be a rattlesnake.


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Conrad said:


> "In the friction of conflict lie the seeds of attraction"
> 
> -Conrad, TAM - 2011


Well, There ya go...well said.:iagree:

Big thanks to you Conrad. You're the one who got MEM to look up his posts on conflict for me and that series helped me understand that I chose my wife over everyone else I'd dated, BECAUSE SHE WAS A 4 to 5 conflict person. She is more alive and fun than any of the 1 to 2 girls that I had dated before. Those girls always agreed with me and followed me like puppies. I appreciate her more now than I ever have. She's been a handful of trouble in a small package but I love her now more than ever and I think I'm rediscovering myself, the guy I was when she chose me. She loves that guy and I love being that guy.

Black


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Deejo said:


> How about a snake analogy? I like snakes ...
> 
> There are snakes that will try to make you think they are dangerous, all in an effort to scare you off. They will puff up, they will hiss, they will vibrate their tail like a rattle snake. It's all a show. If the show fails? They roll over and play dead hoping you'll just leave them the hell alone.
> 
> ...


Great one Deejo!

It's always better to be what you ARE! 

Sheep in wolves clothing are dangerous pretenders. They can't pull it off. They break cover eventually and get EATEN!

Wolves in sheep's clothing may seem smart but that only works once or twice at most and then the sheep start putting wolf detectors on every gate in the pasture. That makes life harder on everybody.

True wolves or rattlesnakes are what they are and never have to apologize for being that, nor should they. This is why we wear uniforms when we go to war. And I won't apologize for being what I am if am being what I should be, what God made me to be.

In fact, I used to tell my wife often when I did something that she disagreed with," You knew I was a snake when you picked me up."

:lol:

Black


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BlackMedicine357 said:


> Well, There ya go...well said.:iagree:
> 
> Big thanks to you Conrad. You're the one who got MEM to look up his posts on conflict for me and that series helped me understand that I chose my wife over everyone else I'd dated, BECAUSE SHE WAS A 4 to 5 conflict person. She is more alive and fun than any of the 1 to 2 girls that I had dated before. Those girls always agreed with me and followed me like puppies. I appreciate her more now than I ever have. She's been a handful of trouble in a small package but I love her now more than ever and I think I'm rediscovering myself, the guy I was when she chose me. She loves that guy and love being that guy.
> 
> Black


Black,

I can tell you, we are kindred spirits.

Great job.

It is a source of fulfillment to know that others weren't "man enough" for your woman.

That is your knowledge to treasure always.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

My friend, great stuff. I like that you're taking advantage of your free resources on this board. A lot of dudes want change but don't want to put in the work or are afraid to. You wanted your life to be different so you manned the f*ck up and got it done. Keep it up and you'll continue to reap the benefits.


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Conrad,

I feel we are brothers also.  I see many here that have traveled the same roads I am traveling and fought the same battles I am fighting. Their success is becoming my success only because they are willing to "tell the tale" of their victories for those who come behind them. 

A quick quote popped into my head from one of my favorite movies.

"Yeah, it's worth it...if you're strong enough." - Agent K, (Tommy Lee Jones) to soon to be Agent J, (Will Smith) in Men In Black.


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Blue Moon said:


> My friend, great stuff. I like that you're taking advantage of your free resources on this board. A lot of dudes want change but don't want to put in the work or are afraid to. You wanted your life to be different so you manned the f*ck up and got it done. Keep it up and you'll continue to reap the benefits.


Thanks Blue. The blog link is great. I will add it to my daily reading alongside Atholk's. Both are incredibly appropriate and entertaining while teaching valuable truth.

As for TAM, and taking advantage of free resources, well I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree, but I'm not burnt out yet. TAM being free is a huge value, because I find that most, if not all, paid approaches (therapy, counseling, etc) I tried in an effort to restore my marriage and my peace of mind, have failed.

TAM has the benefit also of being there when I need advice from practical caring friends. Others made me wait until my next appointment.

And one more great benefit of TAM, I can read through a problem someone else posts and think through how I might solve it if I were faced with it. Then I can read responses from others and see where my thinking is correct and tailor my approach to deal with it well should I see it in my AO. (Sorry, Area of Operations, Family.)

Black


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## less_disgruntled (Oct 16, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> "i hope my wife never reads my posts here"
> 
> -okeydokie, TAM - 2011


I think I'd be better off if my wife would read my posts here, we're still more or less anonymous.

Except the one post where I talk about quintuple penetration trannie porn.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

BlackMedicine357 said:


> Thanks Blue. The blog link is great. I will add it to my daily reading alongside Atholk's. Both are incredibly appropriate and entertaining while teaching valuable truth.
> 
> As for TAM, and taking advantage of free resources, well I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree, but I'm not burnt out yet. TAM being free is a huge value, because I find that most, if not all, paid approaches (therapy, counseling, etc) I tried in an effort to restore my marriage and my peace of mind, have failed.
> 
> ...


Most definitely. TAM has given me plenty of food for thought and has helped me a great deal early in my marriage. It's a tight knit group, and unlike professional services, you hear from "real" people sharing "real" experiences.

Posters don't give you any statistics or psychobabble, you get knowledge from the school of hard knocks; info gained from trial and error from men who have been there. And it's full of people who genuinely want to see you succeed. Anything that helps a fellow married man get out of a bind is a good thing. We've been through it so we want to take what we've learned and pass it on.

Glad you like the blog also. Feel free to leave comments if something jumps out at you. And definitely keep us posted with what's going on in your household. Hearing about victories or learning experiences help us all :smthumbup:


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