# Child support and college expenses



## cantdecide

Quick question. I need some opinions on this.

I recently paid off my exwife. Paid her the last 10 months of child support in full. The only things I'm still obligated for are health care, 1/2 of non covered medical expenses and 1/2 of extra curricular activities until she graduates from high school.

My daughter is 17 and school starts next week. She has signed up for 2 dual enrollment classes at the local college (she gets h.s. and college credits). She's a senior in high school. The ex sent a receipt and asked for my 1/2 of the tuition.

I'm really on the fence as to whether this would be considered "extra curricular". Don't get me wrong, I want to help my daughter but finances are tight and the ex hasn't lifted one finger to help our son in college. NOT ONE PENNY. He's been thru 2 years at the community college and is now transferring to a 4 year college. She hasn't paid for one thing, contributed nothing. And now I'm being asked to pay for tuition for my daughter. 

Should I just let this go since it can only happen for 2 semesters and the amount isn't going to kill me? I really don't want to fight with her about this but I'm worried about just paying it and suddenly being expected to pay for other expenses.

Ugh, hate this stuff.


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## Deejo

I shudder to think what kind of relationship I would have with my ex if she started nickel and diming me.

She doesn't, ever. Even though we have shared expenses when it comes to the children written into the divorce decree.

Basically, you need to set a boundary. Are your daughter and wife involving you in those 'extracurricular' activities? There is a big difference between covering half the tab for classes resulting in credit, versus a study abroad in Europe program.


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## cantdecide

She hasn't had much in the way of extra curricular activities. Really hasn't come into play. I see this as being for tuition. But I guess the argument could be made that it is extra curricular since she's still in high school.

I'm thinking about paying it since it can only happen for 2 semesters. It's the boundry issue that I have a problem with. If I don't draw that line in the sand sometime it may cause problems.

And btw, I have paid every penny I owe her without argument and without question and done so immediately. I'm not a deadbeat whatsoever.


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## Married but Happy

I think you're obligated for the expense, but these expenses will end soon. After that, enforce boundaries. Since you are helping your son with college, insist your ex help your daughter - unless your incomes are vastly different and she can't afford to, in which case you may want to help. However, you can limit assistance to cosigning education loans, and your ex can do the same if her income qualifies her.

Also, since it sounds like you just prepaid the remaining child support, it's reasonable to delay payment for the education expense for a few months due to lack of funds - just communicate the reason. If she is unreasonable about that, ask her to refund the advance child support first.


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## Fenix

Pay it. It sounds like a worthwhile expense. Either that, or you tell your daughter why you aren't paying the 50%.


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## cantdecide

Married but Happy said:


> I think you're obligated for the expense, but these expenses will end soon. After that, enforce boundaries. Since you are helping your son with college, insist your ex help your daughter - unless your incomes are vastly different and she can't afford to, in which case you may want to help. However, you can limit assistance to cosigning education loans, and your ex can do the same if her income qualifies her.
> 
> Also, since it sounds like you just prepaid the remaining child support, it's reasonable to delay payment for the education expense for a few months due to lack of funds - just communicate the reason. If she is unreasonable about that, ask her to refund the advance child support first.


Good idea on the delayed payment. That's why money is an issue right now is the payoff I made to her. It was only 2 weeks ago.

Household incomes aren't vastly different I don't think (she immediately married her AP). She has different ideas about money though. I'm the saver. She was the "lets spend every cent we have, we might die tomorrow" person. So even if incomes were the same, she won't have the money for our daughters education.


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## Deejo

I agree you should pay it. The benefit is for your daughter rather than a context of spite from your ex.


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## EleGirl

Yea pay it. It's an extra expense that benefits your daughter.

What is your wife's income like? Has she tried to file a FAFSA for your son with just her income on it? Would he quality for financial aid if she did that?


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## EleGirl

Also, did she send you an actual copy of the bill or just tell you what it is?

Here where I live, high school kids attend the local community college for free when they do this double credit thing. Make sure you know that these charges are real.


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## Married but Happy

Household income doesn't matter - her AP hubby has no obligation to support your daughter. Her ability to help is based on her income and expenses (the latter are now shared and reduced, no doubt).

Her spendthrift attitude is irrelevant as well, and does not excuse her from contributing her fair share. If you were a spendthrift, would that excuse you from your responsibilities? I think not!


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## cantdecide

EleGirl said:


> Yea pay it. It's an extra expense that benefits your daughter.
> 
> What is your wife's income like? Has she tried to file a FAFSA for your son with just her income on it? Would he quality for financial aid if she did that?


My ex filing a FAFSA? Hahaha, that would require effort. And yes, he would qualify with just her income.


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## cantdecide

EleGirl said:


> Also, did she send you an actual copy of the bill or just tell you what it is?
> 
> Here where I live, high school kids attend the local community college for free when they do this double credit thing. Make sure you know that these charges are real.


No, I was sent a receipt. She knows better.


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## EleGirl

cantdecide said:


> My ex filing a FAFSA? Hahaha, that would require effort. And yes, he would qualify with just her income.


Then why has she not done this? It would save you a lot of money.


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## cantdecide

Married but Happy said:


> Household income doesn't matter - her AP hubby has no obligation to support your daughter. Her ability to help is based on her income and expenses (the latter are now shared and reduced, no doubt).
> 
> Her spendthrift attitude is irrelevant as well, and does not excuse her from contributing her fair share. If you were a spendthrift, would that excuse you from your responsibilities? I think not!


I realize her "household" income doesn't matter. It's her "ability" to pay that always comes into question.

Yeah, she's not excused. But she has a different attitude about college than I do. I like to help my kids any way I can. She knows this and will play "poor pitiful me" and expect me to continue to pay while she continues to spend. Her parents required her to pay her way through college (she didn't finish) so that same attitude has continued with our kids. Part of me believes it helps kids be more responsible and take school more seriously if they have a financial obligation. But, it's also nice to help them out if you can and relieve them of at least some of the burden. My son has paid some of his own way by working part time. I've shouldered the rest for him.


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## cantdecide

EleGirl said:


> Then why has she not done this? It would save you a lot of money.


She's not "into" saving me money. She does the minimum required. To this day she holds a grudge against our son for living with me instead of her. She does very little for him. Only sees him once a week for supper (at my insistence).


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## EleGirl

cantdecide said:


> She's not "into" saving me money. She does the minimum required. To this day she holds a grudge against our son for living with me instead of her. She does very little for him. Only sees him once a week for supper (at my insistence).


It sounds like she is re-married. If that's the case then her husband's income in considered for the FAFSA as well. So that could make it a non-issue anyway.


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## unbelievable

I'd take "fairness" and "obligation" out of the equation and consider it as an investment. Some college classes would be sound investment and others would be a stupid investment. I would gladly support my child taking college classes likely to lead to gainful employment. What better use of your money could their be? I wouldn't fund goofy classes just because she'd be attending college. I wouldn't encourage her to take goofy classes using loans or taxpayer dollars, either. Sit down with your daughter and figure out if this is something that makes sense for her future or not.


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## cantdecide

unbelievable said:


> I'd take "fairness" and "obligation" out of the equation and consider it as an investment. Some college classes would be sound investment and others would be a stupid investment. I would gladly support my child taking college classes likely to lead to gainful employment. What better use of your money could their be? I wouldn't fund goofy classes just because she'd be attending college. I wouldn't encourage her to take goofy classes using loans or taxpayer dollars, either. Sit down with your daughter and figure out if this is something that makes sense for her future or not.


They're not goofy classes. They are core classes that will be required when she goes away to college next year.

And yes, I consider paying her tuition as an investment. It's just tough when the ex sits back, watches and expects me to do it and yet she contributes nothing towards that investment. I really struggle with the whole situation.


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## nice777guy

In my state - based on what reading I've done - Child Support ends after age eighteen. HOWEVER - the primary custodial parent can file for continued assistance BEFORE the child turns 18 if the child plans to attend college and continue to receive financial support from (possibly living with) the primary parent.

You've got some blurred lines here. If I were in your shoes I would either talk to an attorney - or pay for half of the class before your Ex talks to one and potentially gets you on the hook for another 4 years.

To clarify - not necessarily a bad thing if the support were to continue for another 4 years, assuming you plan to help your child get through college anyway. But you need to do some reading or talk to an attorney to figure out what kind of options are avaiable to both you and your Ex.


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## unbelievable

cantdecide said:


> They're not goofy classes. They will be required when she goes away to college next year.
> 
> And yes, I consider paying her tuition as an investment. It's just tough when the ex sits back, watches and expects me to do it and yet she contributes nothing towards that investment. I really struggle with the whole situation.


I feel your pain (to quote Bill Clinton) but this isn't about your ex. It's about your daughter. I wouldn't permit my witch of an ex to interfere with my relationship with my daughter. You have an opportunity to be a hero for her. Your daughter is old enough to know who and what you are and who and what her mother is.


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## Pluto2

Pay it,
Who cares whether you call it extra curricular or tuition, really that is semantics at this point. Its a college class that will benefit your child. Would you hesitate to pay it if you never divorced? What damage would you cause to your relationship with your daughter, cause I bet the ex would tell her why the tuition isn't being paid.


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## lenzi

cantdecide said:


> Quick question. I need some opinions on this.
> 
> I recently paid off my exwife. Paid her the last 10 months of child support in full.


Why the heck did you do that? You already said she's a spender, so she'll just blow that money and what good will that be for your children?

Also what if your daughter and exwife had a falling out and she decided to live with you? Then you've paid child support you'll never get back.

Also that lump sum payment you made, if not approved by the court, could be considered a "gift" by the courts since you did not pay her the child support in monthly increments as per the initial order, unless you had the order revised to reflect a lump sum payment. She could challenge your payment and hold you responsible for the 10 monthly child supports you didn't make. 



cantdecide said:


> I want to help my daughter but finances are tight


If you paid her in a lump sum then you've obviously got extra money, fiances can't be "that" tight. 



cantdecide said:


> I like to help my kids any way I can.


So help them. 



cantdecide said:


> It's just tough when the ex sits back, watches and expects me to do it and yet she contributes nothing towards that investment.


You said you got a receipt, so the bill has already been paid by your exwife, go ahead and pay your fair share and stop quibbling about whether that particular activity counts as being your obligation. 

Deal with any other expenses that come up, as they come up. You already said extracurricular activities haven't been a factor, so you're ahead of the game already.


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## lenzi

cantdecide said:


> My ex filing a FAFSA? Hahaha, that would require effort. And yes, he would qualify with just her income.


Either you or he can file it. You don't need your exwife's cooperation to fill out the FAFSA, all you need is her SS# and her approximate annual income from last year.

Here you are complaining that she doesn't help your son with college but you haven't taken the simplest steps which will almost certainly get you extra college funds for your son.


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## cantdecide

And now the flood gates are opening. Todays receipts include school books, ipad insurance, parking pass for school. The money itself is not what I was worried about. I was worried that if I paid one or two items that I wasn't obligated to pay that she would suddenly think that my checkbook was open for anything. Guess what.....................


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## cantdecide

lenzi said:


> Why the heck did you do that? You already said she's a spender, so she'll just blow that money and what good will that be for your children?
> 
> Also what if your daughter and exwife had a falling out and she decided to live with you? Then you've paid child support you'll never get back.
> 
> Also that lump sum payment you made, if not approved by the court, could be considered a "gift" by the courts since you did not pay her the child support in monthly increments as per the initial order, unless you had the order revised to reflect a lump sum payment. She could challenge your payment and hold you responsible for the 10 monthly child supports you didn't make.
> 
> 
> 
> If you paid her in a lump sum then you've obviously got extra money, fiances can't be "that" tight.
> 
> 
> 
> So help them.
> 
> 
> 
> You said you got a receipt, so the bill has already been paid by your exwife, go ahead and pay your fair share and stop quibbling about whether that particular activity counts as being your obligation.
> 
> Deal with any other expenses that come up, as they come up. You already said extracurricular activities haven't been a factor, so you're ahead of the game already.


I had the ex sign an agreement (and have it notorized) saying that she agrees with the amount and that my payment to her ends all "child support".

And yes, I had extra money. That's what NOT living with a spender is like. But now there are no extra finances due to my payoff to her.

And the likelihood of my daughter living with me in the next 9 months is pretty slim. I won't argue over that money if it does happen.


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## lenzi

cantdecide said:


> I had the ex sign an agreement (and have it notorized) saying that she agrees with the amount and that my payment to her ends all "child support".


Unless you have a court order modifying the child support, you have no legal authority to prepay it. She could challenge the prepayment and you could be obligated for the remaining payments. 



cantdecide said:


> And yes, I had extra money. That's what NOT living with a spender is like. But now there are no extra finances due to my payoff to her.


You have NO extra money? I can't help but wonder why you spent your every last dime paying her off early.



cantdecide said:


> I was worried that if I paid one or two items that I wasn't obligated to pay that she would suddenly think that my checkbook was open for anything. Guess what.....................


Pay the stuff you think is reasonable. Disregard the rest.


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## cantdecide

lenzi said:


> Either you or he can file it. You don't need your exwife's cooperation to fill out the FAFSA, all you need is her SS# and her approximate annual income from last year.
> 
> Here you are complaining that she doesn't help your son with college but you haven't taken the simplest steps which will almost certainly get you extra college funds for your son.


According to FAFSA rules, he can only list my income. I'm the custodial parent. Her income does not come into play.


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## cantdecide

lenzi said:


> Unless you have a court order modifying the child support, you have no legal authority to prepay it. She could challenge the prepayment and you could be obligated for the remaining payments.
> 
> 
> 
> You have NO extra money? I can't help but wonder why you spent your every last dime paying her off early.
> 
> 
> 
> Pay the stuff you think is reasonable. Disregard the rest.


I paid her off early to have LESS contact with her. One less excuse for her to contact me. Also, my employment has always been on shakey ground (employer talks of closing the business on a regular basis). If I prepay her, there would never be a problem with NOT having CS. It's done and over.


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## lenzi

cantdecide said:


> According to FAFSA rules, he can only list my income. I'm the custodial parent. Her income does not come into play.


Right. Nevermind. If you're sure your income is too high for your son to get grants, and you're not interested in him getting student loans then there's really no point in filing the FAFSA.


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## cantdecide

lenzi said:


> Right. Nevermind. If you're sure your income is too high for your son to get grants, and you're not interested in him getting student loans then there's really no point in filing the FAFSA.


Who said I didn't file the FAFSA? I have every semester. I just can't use the ex's income.


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## lenzi

cantdecide said:


> Who said I didn't file the FAFSA? I have every semester. I just can't use the ex's income.


Anything's better than nothing I guess.


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