# How communicate your feelings without it seeming like *****ing



## gunnett (Apr 20, 2015)

I have several issues going on in my marriage right now and I am not sure where to start this thread. 
Both my husband and I have our wrongs, but one of the problems in our marriage is he is really good at pointing out my wrongs and not admitting his. 
Anytime that I talk to him about something I feel or don't agree with then to him it is *****ing, I have tried different soft tones it kind of just seems as though he doesn't care. Most the time when I bring up something that I disagree with when it comes to him, he turns it around to be more on a subject about me. 
We have 4 children, and we just move back to where he grew up. it seems as though none of his friend here have children and they kind of do whatever they want and he is starting to do the same. 
Drinking more than before and staying up really late at night in the garage with his buddys, then he gets mad when I try to wake him up around 10 on the weekends because he wants to sleep all day. 
I do not do any sort of drugs and honestly if he wanted to for example eat mushrooms I would stay out of that decision but I found out the other night while me and the children were in the house him and his friends ate mushrooms in the garage My children were home and I found it very wrong. he thinks since he told me the truth it shouldn't be an issue. 
I suppose that I can not make him change and I can not make him care, but im trying to find a way of communicating with him about my concerns without it coming off as *****ing and and naggig. I am not sure if there is hope to save our marriage as I cant try alone but cant not try either in hopes hell jump back on our family train.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh boy... this is not good. Doing mushrooms are the kids is bad, real bad.

How old are the two of you and your children?

Do you have a job? Or can you get gone right away?

Obviously his friends are a bad influence. It sounds like you are going to have to put a plan together and give him an ultimatum. Either he starts acting like a married man and stops they partying and the drugs or you file for divorce.

I'm serious. When one spouse keeps blowing off the other's reasonable requests and ignoring their needs, it's time to take action and shake things up.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

gunnett said:


> I have several issues going on in my marriage right now and I am not sure where to start this thread.
> Both my husband and I have our wrongs, but one of the problems in our marriage is he is really good at pointing out my wrongs and not admitting his.
> Anytime that I talk to him about something I feel or don't agree with then to him it is *****ing, I have tried different soft tones it kind of just seems as though he doesn't care. Most the time when I bring up something that I disagree with when it comes to him, he turns it around to be more on a subject about me.
> We have 4 children, and we just move back to where he grew up. it seems as though none of his friend here have children and they kind of do whatever they want and he is starting to do the same.
> ...


He is making all these bad choices which should not affect you or the kids. You do not have to accept his bad choices. Draw the boundaries now otherwise in a few years he will do even worse things because this all stems from a lack of respect for you and his family. Nip it in the bud.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

As for sharing your feelings, my MC gave me this method of conflict resolution.

(D) describe: "when ____," stick to facts, not accusations.

(E) emotion: "i feel ____,"

(S) solution: "I wish ____," "I would rather ____,"

(R) resolution: "then I would feel _____."

"When you *do drugs in the garage*, I feel *scared*, I would rather you *not do drugs with your friends*, then I would feel *our family is safe.*"


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## gunnett (Apr 20, 2015)

Thanks guys for the help. I am 29 and he is 27. We have 4 children 9,4,2 and 12mths. His friends are definitely a bad influence. we just recently moved back after 3 years to where he grew up so these friends have been in his life a lot longer than I have. I also know that he's a grown man and he can make his own decisions and I do not blame his friends when he knows how to say no. I do everything besides work, he goes to work and comes home and sits. I do trash, all the house, work direct sales on the weekends, I am a full time college student and I am ALWAYs moving he helps me none when he is home even with things most men do. I feel like hed rather be with friends he says all I do is nag so talking about it tends to get no where.


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