# What happens when the novelty wears off?



## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

For those of you who don't get enough sex in your marriage, I'm sure that your spouse is compelling - i.e. you experience the feeling of wanting to have sex with them a lot and it might even border on the desperate. 

For those of you that get plenty of sex in your marriage, does the fact that your spouse is familiar and available make them less compelling to you? Is the feeling of wanting to have sex with them more tame and less animalistic?


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> For those of you that get plenty of sex in your marriage, does the fact that your spouse is familiar and available make them less compelling to you? Is the feeling of wanting to have sex with them more tame and less animalistic?


I fall in the I get plenty of sex from my spouse category. I find my wife just as exciting and as big a turn on as ever. I still want sex with her all the time. Woke up this morning to some wonderful morning sex. Had wonderful bed time sex last night. We have never lost the excitement. But, we have only been married 41 years


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

That is an interesting question.

I think that my wife (who fits the definition of gets plenty in her view) would probably say yes because she would be doing it more than she wanted and so it would start to be just something else she needs to get done.

In fact when she wanted to stop having sex four times a week that was one of her comments -that sex was something we where doing just because we could and that took the passion out.

I suppose it has to do with a persons sex drive. I would imagine that it is possible to feel the same lust daily but at some point, I would have to believe, anyone would start to consider it a chore.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

What if you had sex 5 times a day would it be a chore then?


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

Been together since 86.... had a "session" this morn. Waking up to having my junk woman-handled was VERY compelling.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

You're delving into experimental economics there USMG 

There's a finite capacity on the male side for repeat sustainable performance. It would be nice if we were all like Sooty in the link below but alas, we are not guinea pigs.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1376470/Guinea-pig-harem-says-hello-Sooty.html


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

johnAdams said:


> I fall in the I get plenty of sex from my spouse category. I find my wife just as exciting and as big a turn on as ever. I still want sex with her all the time. Woke up this morning to some wonderful morning sex. Had wonderful bed time sex last night. We have never lost the excitement. But, we have only been married 41 years


So, out of curiosity, is your passion for your wife fueled by any thoughts or interactions with other women?


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> I have never thought of having sex as a chore. It is part of my day...part of my day I look forward to. We are both HD....sex is very important. It is almost impossible to kiss goodnight...and not want it to become intimate. It is kind of like jello..theres always room for jello...if we do not have sex...I feel like I missed dessert for the day.


:lol: There's always room for jello...and sex. Awesome philosophy.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I can't help but thinking for the women who think it's a chore, they aren't doing it right. But I digress from my own thread.


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> So, out of curiosity, is your passion for your wife fueled by any thoughts or interactions with other women?


My passion for my wife is fueled by my love...and lust for her

My passion is not fueled by other women. I am a living, breathing man, so I do appreciate the beauty of women. But, they are not the reason for lusting for my wife:smthumbup:


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My STBW and I have talked about this. What happens when the novelty wears off as conventional wisdom says it must. We both happen to disagree with the conventional wisdom. There is no reason that the fun, excitement and desire has to wear off at all if you don't let it.

Granted, we are still in the the honeymoon phase of sorts, been together for coming up on two years now. The amount of sex we have was always pretty high by most standards, but has actually increased as time has gone on. We average 10-15 times a week, and days where we don't have sex number in the 1-2 a month.

The thing is, the novelty hasn't worn off outside the bedroom either, and I think that is ultimately the key. We still hold hands every chance we get, even if it's just walking 10 feet from the car to the door. We probably kiss 100 times a day, and a lot of them aren't just quick pecks. I send her a lovey text message every single morning to wake up to. Haven't missed a day yet. Hell, just this morning, she had to go to work, had an almost hour drive in, and we talked on the phone the whole time. She laughed a bit as she pointed out that it reminded her of when we first started talking on the phone, how one of s would say we had to get going, and we'd talk for another half hour. We still do that. We text a lot during the day.

In short, we keep the connection alive, and being interested in and loving each other has become habit. That's just what we do.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I sit somewhere between, since I'm not sure what a lot is but it is definitely not for lack thereof. Even after nearly 20 years (2 - 3x/week), the novelty has not worn off. However, I do believe it is important to explore new and interesting ways of sex on occasion. I do believe if it progressed in the same way time after time (what some may consider vanilla) then I could see some validity to this statement.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> For those of you who don't get enough sex in your marriage, I'm sure that your spouse is compelling - i.e. you experience the feeling of wanting to have sex with them a lot and it might even border on the desperate.
> 
> For those of you that get plenty of sex in your marriage, does the fact that your spouse is familiar and available make them less compelling to you? Is the feeling of wanting to have sex with them more tame and less animalistic?


Reading back over my last post, it seems I didn't really answer the specifics of what was being asked 

No way has the familiarity or availability cut the passion, made her less compelling. I absolutely lust after her, and to touch on your suggestion to another poster, no there aren't any other women that help keep that. It's all about her.

As far as availability, well, yeah, she pretty much available to me all the time, as I am for her. We have lots of sex, and she initiates just as much as I do, so there really is no "chore" aspect to it at all.

As far as five times a day goes? We've done that a few times  I think our best was seven in 24 hours. Even on the days where we have sex multiple times, she is often the one going for the last time, so no, it really doesn't appear to be a chore for either of us. We both like sex. We both like sex with each other. We are both good at sex with each other, and my desire, attraction, lust for her has only increased the longer we have been together.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

john117 said:


> You're delving into experimental economics there USMG
> 
> There's a finite capacity on the male side for repeat sustainable performance.


Yes that is the point. Whether it is a chore or not has to do with an individuals capacity. 

Two individually HD people saying that they do it every day and it is always passionate is the same as my wife saying we have frequent sex once a week and it is always passionate. 

On it's own it does not mean anything.

Oh sorry my use of the word "chore" seems to be a problem. All I mean is that it is less passionate more mechanical. A daily activity vs something more lustful.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

As far as novelty goes, my wife and I have had nearly the exact same one position sex for four years straight but I am still as passionate or maybe more so today. That may be helped by her usually only wanting sex once a week. Sex is mental as well as physical and some people would react very negatively to boring sex.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

There's the practical aspects of HD that make me wonder, not the actual desire itself. 

I enjoy a lot of things in life but can't see myself doing them daily. That's more due to my views of marriage than anything else of course. I need my own time and space too. 

I could be like my wife's grandfather and have two wives and still...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

john117 said:


> There's the practical aspects of HD that make me wonder, not the actual desire itself.
> 
> *I enjoy a lot of things in life but can't see myself doing them daily*. That's more due to my views of marriage than anything else of course. I need my own time and space too.
> 
> I could be like my wife's grandfather and have two wives and still...


I have heard a lot of people say things like that, but for me, even though we have sex as much as we do, it's never the same thing twice. It may be the same position in the same bed, but there are other subtle differences that make all the difference in the world. It may have been a rough day at work, something may have happened during the day that made one of us really happy, we may have talked a lot, may have hardly had a chance to talk at all. It may be a bit warmer, colder in the bed room, brand new clean sheets, sheets that hadn't been changed in a while, just fresh out of the shower smelling like soap, not showered yet smelling natural...

All those kinds of things, non sexual things help keep things new and different every time for us.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The novelty of a lovely erection simply doesn't wear off!


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> lol
> 
> We have had sex five times a day...lol in the early days we had sex before work...he came home for lunch....I was lunch we had sex when he got home, then we had sex after supper and again at bedtime.
> 
> SEX is not chore...sex is fun...sex is a way of telling each other you are in love....sex makes you closer.


Awesome.

To further this thought... we also had sex 3 to 5 times a day. Now we have sex 3 to 5 times a week. First it was quantity... now we go for quality. Sometimes we jump back for a day of 3 to 5 times because it just suited us. 

There is no duty sex. Just like there is no duty hugs, kisses, back/foot rubs, cuddling, snuggling, cooking of dinner, going out for dates. This is ALL normal-like-breathing activities.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> For those of you that get plenty of sex in your marriage, does the fact that your spouse is familiar and available make them less compelling to you? Is the feeling of wanting to have sex with them more tame and less animalistic?


Oh, it's just as compelling, exciting, and wild as ever - more so in some ways as we learn ever more about what works to turn each other on. Sure, there's the familiar comfort sex, too, but every week there's also hot crazy lusty sex.

Being available means less frustration and resentment, and a LOT more fun. It also means a lot more experience in making it special for each other.

Damn! I think I'll go interrupt her nap right now!


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

We fall into the have sex a lot potion. No it dosent get boring. It always seems to be different. We used to go up to 9 times a day, now granted we were a lot younger, but if we didn't have kids or a job and we independently wealthy, we would prob be going at it constantly. 

Sex is awesome. I can't think of anything I would be rather be doing. We have been together for 22/23 years, I'll let you if it ever wears off. 

*love that jello. There is ALWAYS room for sex.....lol.


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## PinkSalmon13 (Nov 7, 2013)

Uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I've been married 18 years and have gone through periods of having enough and not having enough. 

Having enough doesn't decrease the desire, but it takes the painful edge off of it. Instead of feeling a bit in a panic over when you might have it again that time can be spent planning for the next time you are together. 

That's my opinion anyway.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Me specifically, I am totally infatuated by my wife, her beauty, personality and insatiable sexual appetite... That passion was there day one, and it continues to grow. I only wish my body could keep up with my desire. Immediately following our romps, I need more... If I could skip work, forget about general repairs and chores or even plan old not eat and sleep, there would be some sore bodies.

Oral (me), I must feel loved, and constantly. Oral (her), I must love on, and I desire it like steak sizzling on a grill. Sex, is a need to connect, and without connection what are we? I have my kinks/fetish, so when we're out I'm always starring at her in her heels, at home I can watch her wiggle her toes for hours (but it'll never last that long before I pounce).

Twenty plus years, it continues to grow, and I try not to waste any moment. What helps that? It's the fact that she is every bit of of interested as I am. She desires me, and enjoy that I desire her. Every new dress and shoes, we are going to have our fun, before she debut in public. On an ending note, if the attraction between us could be used to pay our way in life... I'd be a very wealthy man.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

johnAdams said:


> My passion for my wife is fueled by my love...and lust for her
> 
> My passion is not fueled by other women. I am a living, breathing man, so I do appreciate the beauty of women. But, they are not the reason for lusting for my wife:smthumbup:



I'm chuckling now..I believe you 100%, I'm just thinking about what you'd actually say if you did think about other women seeing as how your wife is on here too. I can't imagine "yeah, I think about prostitutes and porn stars while I'm with my wife" would go over well 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I think there are people for whom, even when sex is abundant and enthusiastically available, the novelty does wear off. But I think they are the types of people who are wired to need ever-increasing levels of novelty in all areas of their lives. 

I've mentioned here before that my ex-husband was the sort of guy who was never satisfied with anything. He was always chasing whatever newer, better, faster, hotter, bigger, more exciting thing came next. Whatever hobby he had escalated in scale, cost and danger until he got bored and switched to something new, which then escalated in scale, cost and danger until he got bored. He was an adrenaline junky with a seriously addictive personality and absolutely no ability to ever be happy with the status quo. He lacked the knack for contentment. 

And, yes, having sex with the same woman year after year did become boring for him. It was like anything else, if it wasn't continually new and exciting in some manner, he became frustrated and resentful. But it had less to do with either the quantity or quality of sex than with his very real and very persistent drive for novelty.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> The novelty of a lovely erection simply doesn't wear off!


Try being the one walking around with the damn thing.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Try being the one walking around with the damn thing.


Frankly I can't imagine. Ever since I found out that boys have thing dangly thing between their legs I always wonder how they walk normally.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

That's why men like phallic symbols like guns, pick up trucks, etc. 

On second thought, I drive a Mini... That could explain a lot about me :rofl:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

John, you're on a roll tonight!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Try being the one walking around with the damn thing.



I enjoy it, so does the wife. "A good man is hard to find but, a hard man is a good find"


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

drerio said:


> I enjoy it, so does the wife. "A good man is hard to find but, a hard man is a good find"


Words to live by!


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> lol
> 
> We have had sex five times a day...lol in the early days we had sex before work...he came home for lunch....I was lunch we had sex when he got home, then we had sex after supper and again at bedtime.


Don't forget 2AM! I love 2AM sex.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Don't forget 2AM! I love 2AM sex.


In ones 20s and 30s, but not at 53


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

firebelly1 said:


> For those of you that get plenty of sex in your marriage, does the fact that your spouse is familiar and available make them less compelling to you?


Nope. We've been married for 21 years and that hasn't happened yet. We had 8 years where it was less than I would have liked, but was far from sexless. 

I still go nuts over her. She keeps me worn out now. She wants me to come after her as much as I'm physically able to.



firebelly1 said:


> Is the feeling of wanting to have sex with them more tame and less animalistic?


We're WAY more animalistic now than at any point in our marriage. My wife clearly loved sex, and was easily orgasmic. We had loads of it. It was most definitely enjoyable.

But she was inhibited. She had a hard time relaxing and orgasming from oral. She'd give me a BJ, but it wasn't something that turned her on, it was just something she did to make me happy.

Now? She loves it all, with enthusiasm. I'm going to get the "Larry does too much TMI" by sharing this, but what the hay... 

I don't have the ability I once had. I can't go time and time again in one day. But she drives me so crazy it's very animalistic in some of our encounters. Getting a BJ where she acts like she's mad at it, and then gets so turned on she orgasms in 30 seconds after jumping on.... or grabbing my hair, pulling my face between her legs and screaming my name like the scene in When Harry Met Sally.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

drerio said:


> In ones 20s and 30s, but not at 53


Hmmm,  That's sad to hear.

Why? Performance issues, sleep issues, what?

We do that quite a bit less now, but that's because I sleep so well. I used to snore badly... sometimes it'd wake us both up, and that's when it'd happen. With weight loss, I don't snore at all anymore. It's wonderful being MUCH less tired, but the 2AM encounters are less frequent.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Hmmm,  That's sad to hear.
> 
> Why? Performance issues, sleep issues, what?
> 
> We do that quite a bit less now, but that's because I sleep so well. I used to snore badly... sometimes it'd wake us both up, and that's when it'd happen. With weight loss, I don't snore at all anymore. It's wonderful being MUCH less tired, but the 2AM encounters are less frequent.


I have zero performance issues. And, no need for pharmaceuticals. My fitness level is at an all time high. I have more energy  and johnny on the spot. It really is just a sleep issue. I would rather wake up at 5am get on it before my morning run with the dog.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

First 2 years, maybe 5-7 times a weekly. After that, 3 or 4 times a week, for the next 10 years. Last 2 and a half years, twice a day. 

Sex has never been better. The more we learn, the more we know what to say, the sexier it gets. It went from barely moaning, to moaning, to screaming, to dirty talk, to now her begging just to get a taste and telling me she worships my semen. Sorry if that's a bit vulgar. Maybe we were slow and it's taking us wayyyyyyy too long to finally peak, but as soon as we stop having sex. I feel like I have never been with my wife. I feel like she is out of my league. And I'd do anything to get her back in bed.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> So, out of curiosity, is your passion for your wife fueled by any thoughts or interactions with other women?


Somehow I just can't imagine John Adams replying;

"well...come to think of it, when Mrs John Adams is letting me do her doggie style, I do imagine her being the girl I met at the pharmacy yesterday! God I want her badly!"

I wonder what Mrs John Adams next post would be....:gun::gun:


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

I have been with my husband almost 28 years - sex with my husband is something I still look forward to as often as possible. Speaking for myself, it seems the more sex we have, the more I want. Hope that doesn't change for a very long time.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Try being the one walking around with the damn thing.


:lol: I hear ya, Cletus.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Mrs John Adams is VERY JEALOUS!!!! lol so If MR John Adams is thinking of somebody else while he is doing me doggie style...he is wise to have no comment!!! lol


You know about cowgirl, rodeo, right?

That's where you say your wife / GF's sister's name in the middle of doggy style and see if you can stay in for 8 seconds.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Fascinating? It would be like Martians landed on the front lawn and nearly as likely.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Larry...that is just sick you devil! Lol


I've told Mrs. Gray that it's too bad she doesn't have a sister because I can't play the game.



Mrs. John Adams said:


> That is kind of like at our wedding rehearsal when my husband to be innocently said of my maid of honor...wow she is a luscious babe....
> 
> He has never lived it down...and I love it that she is now fat and ugly! Yay me! Lol


My wife's made of honor was indeed a stunning woman back then. But in between she's lived on the street, done meth, prostituted herself, lost 7 different kids... she's not pretty today. She's been missing for 6 weeks now so we don't even know if she's alive.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

I'm still stuck on the 5 times a day idea..... really?? For us twice a day was tops (if memory serves).

In answer to the thread title question: When the novelty wears off expertise takes over.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Philat said:


> I'm still stuck on the 5 times a day idea..... really?? For us twice a day was tops (if memory serves).


That's what a work day was like back then. Mostly workdays were 4 times, but sometimes it was 5. I do miss working 35 minutes away instead of 5.

Weekends kicking around the house would be even more. 8 was our tops, IIRC we pulled that off 3 times.

Now I can't go more than 4 times in one day.



Philat said:


> In answer to the thread title question: When the novelty wears off expertise takes over.


:iagree:

If my wife wants it rough, I know what she likes rough. If she wants slow and tender, I know what she likes then too. Or anything in between.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Philat...on our wedding night...mr Adams made love to me 14 times...and he climaxed every time.


I'm going to walk off the nearest cliff now....


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

firebelly1 said:


> For those of you who don't get enough sex in your marriage, I'm sure that your spouse is compelling - i.e. you experience the feeling of wanting to have sex with them a lot and it might even border on the desperate.
> 
> For those of you that get plenty of sex in your marriage, does the fact that your spouse is familiar and available make them less compelling to you? Is the feeling of wanting to have sex with them more tame and less animalistic?


We have lots of sex and it is always compelling and animalistic (in feel, not always in action). We are both highly sexual people though, so this will always be the case.


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

Not bragging, but, oh what the heck yes I am Yesterday Mrs. JA and I probably had a bit too much wine. We decided to watch the Academy Awards in bed. I figured I would probably just go to sleep.....too much wine and too tired. When Mrs. JA decided during the Oscars to climb on top of the statue if you know what I mean Even a little inebriated we had one heck of a session.:smthumbup:


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I am highly encouraged by all y'all.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

johnAdams said:


> Not bragging, but, oh what the heck yes I am Yesterday Mrs. JA and I probably had a bit too much wine. We decided to watch the Academy Awards in bed. I figured I would probably just go to sleep.....too much wine and too tired. When Mrs. JA decided during the Oscars to climb on top of the statue if you know what I mean Even a little inebriated we had one heck of a session.:smthumbup:


Best male actor in a supporting role...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We have never fallen into a routine with sex - we often change something, and that keeps it novel. Most changes are incremental, or as simple as a different position. Over time, we've added a lot of small things, and then *BAM!! *- they all come together and create something new and major.

We have gone the last couple of years without a major innovation, then in the last two weeks have discovered two. The first discovery was a different way to trigger a long series of level 1 ("routine") orgasms for her. She has always had difficulty reaching level 2 ("intense"), and before me never had anyone other than herself get her there. I can do that fairly consistently, but it's never a sure thing. Then over the weekend we tried a minor change building on other recent small innovations, and all of a sudden we were into a series of level 2s for her (this is the second discovery). Amazingly, it didn't take long to get there from a cold start. We repeated that Sunday to be sure it wasn't a fluke, and it worked again. This is going to provide a great deal of novelty for years to come!


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> I am highly encouraged by all y'all.


I, on the other hand, am ready to take cyanide...

ETA:


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