# Tired of Trying



## justexhausted (Aug 25, 2010)

I don't even know where to start. Currently, my husband is not working (laid off 6 months ago -- has made only minimal attempts to LOOK for work), watches the kids during the day and disappears to his man cave or outside when I get home, refuses to take proactive steps toward self improvement (getting a GED), and complains about not getting enough sex.

I have brought home job ads, revised his resume, and suggested employment agencies (no response). I've encouraged him to study for the GED, take classes to help him, etc (makes up excuses why he hasn't or can't RIGHT NOW). I even got a second job to make up for the fact that he lost his (still spends money unnecessarily). And as far as the sex goes frankly, after working two jobs to pay for everything, and him giving me attitude about constantly nagging him to get a job, get a GED, and take better care of the house and kids, at the end of the day I don't have the energy nor the desire to have sex with him. 

I've tried to be supportive of his recent career goals, but he needs the GED to even QUALIFY but he keeps procrastinating on that. I've tried not to make him feel like less of a man for losing his job, but 6 months is a bit long for a pity party (especially when you have children a home , and lots of bills to pay). I've even forced myself to "get in the mood" for sex that I just wasn't really interested in, with the hopes of doing something that makes him happy (but still it's never enough). Nothing works. Eventually, we argue and then have a long talk afterwards, promising to each do better (for me that means more sex and affection towards him and for him that means at least focusing on getting a GED and a job). But we come back to the same argument and the same promises everytime. It's a cycle.

I just feel like I am doing all I can to SUPPORT him, but what he really wants/needs is to be CARRIED. That just doesn't seem fair when a marriage is supposed to be a partnership where to people work together. Except for the kids needing a father, I'm starting to feel like I'd feel better if he just left (since he won't get his sh!t together).


Am I just being a b!tch and not giving him what he needs as a man? Does anything I'm saying make sense?

I'd particularly appreciate a man's perspective here but it would also be nice if some of the females could at least validate what I am feeling.


----------



## jeffreygropp (Jun 9, 2010)

He may be depressed, or have some other kind of psychological issue going on. Have you given any boundaries? As in have you told him "This is what I expect of you every day. This is what I expect you to do to get a job, and if these conditions are not met then we are going to need to separate."

If you haven't set boundaries or conditions or told him how you feel, you won't be able to get past this initial feeling and state of confusion. You do sound like you're passively helping by looking at his resume and trying to push him to get the GED. But if you don't say "This is a huge issue. Get the GED and start looking for work or our marriage will fail." then he probably just thinks he is getting a bit of a break/free ride for awhile.

Communicate with him how you are feeling and what you expect out of the relationship.


----------

