# This site is making me feel worse.



## 2012death

I mean no disrespect by the title of my thread, but it is true. I have read about 100 of the threads and I am thinking, Damn I have really put up with a lot of ****. I don't even know where to begin Porn, Chats, Cheating, Separation that led to 2 more kids for him, Pot, Oc's, Meth, Crack, Cocaine, Morphine, Alcohol, you name it and he has done it or wants to do it. Then I look at his pathetic shell of a body and think how can I give up on him, he has all ready giving up on himself? He doesn't see it, he takes everything to the extreme if 1 is good 5 is better. I am lost I try to stay focused on myself and keeping my **** together but everyday it is getting harder. I feel like he is sucking the life right out of me, and that that's what he wants to do. I have used with him not all of them but enough of them. I am no saint but I sleep every night I eat everyday I work everyday and I take care of my grand kids 5 nights a week so yes I am or was very recreational, but I am sick of even that cuz he can't be. So once again I have stopped all used of drugs and he is high right now beating off and has been since last night.... any advise will be read no need to tell me I am stupid I feel that plenty. We have been together for 15 yrs with a 3 yr separation that I wanted for these same reasons as now.... is their anyone else going threw anything remotely like this that I can talk to. Even if you have been the one like him if you can give me any insight... Thanks


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## ScarletBegonias

At some point you have to stop wasting your life caring for someone who doesn't care about themselves. You can't save an addict. He will drag you down until you are dead like him. 

My husband and his parents tried to save my husband's sibling from drugs. It never worked. He ended up dead in spite of their best efforts to help him. 

Sometimes you have to save yourself.


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## changedbeliefs

OMG.....how old are you two? You have grand kids? How many kids do you have? If you're taking care of your grand kids, then it doesn't sound like your kids (at least the ones with their own children) have managed to create a functional, supportive family for them. He's a serious, current drug user. How long did you stop? If it's "oh, as of last week," sorry, you're still a user, too. This situation sounds like a complete and utter mess. Ugh...sorry....don't even know where to begin to offer advice. I mean, step one is, he has to kick the drugs, you both do, to the point where you can say, "I don't use anymore," not "I haven't used in two weeks," or something. Nothing is going to go anywhere until that happens.


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## endlessgrief

They say addicts are the most selfish people on the planet and I am starting to believe that since I live with a big time boozer. The more he slips into the abyss, the more he carries me there with him. 

It's like they are so miserable, they want to make someone else feel miserable too so they start fights, say nasty things, do bad things they know we will get mad about, and it doesn't mean a thing to them. It's like they have forgotten their humanity.

We spouses of addicts know the answers to our questions but the solution is terrifying. To just get up and leave after 100 years together and possibly leaving them to die is always over our heads.

WE KNOW FOR A FACT WE CANNOT MAKE THEM STOP. WE CAN ONLY CHANGE OURSELVES. WE CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER. WE DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT. WE ARE VICTIMS. WE MUST LEAVE NOW. Yadda yadda yadda.

We are not stupid. Living with and loving a raging addict is an abusive marriage. They may not hit us, but their actions and verbal diarrhea leaves scars that will never heal.


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## ScarletBegonias

If it's too terrifying to help yourself and save your own life then don't.
Watching someone struggle with their addiction is horribly sad. Watching them give in to it is worse.
It's even more sad when their partners are so codependent they can't get out of their own way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustTired

endlessgrief said:


> They say addicts are the most selfish people on the planet and I am starting to believe that since I live with a big time boozer. The more he slips into the abyss, the more he carries me there with him.
> 
> *It's like they are so miserable, they want to make someone else feel miserable too so they start fights, say nasty things, do bad things they know we will get mad about, and it doesn't mean a thing to them. It's like they have forgotten their humanity.*
> 
> *We spouses of addicts know the answers to our questions but the solution is terrifying. To just get up and leave after 100 years together and possibly leaving them to die is always over our heads.*
> 
> WE KNOW FOR A FACT WE CANNOT MAKE THEM STOP. WE CAN ONLY CHANGE OURSELVES. WE CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER. WE DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT. WE ARE VICTIMS. WE MUST LEAVE NOW. Yadda yadda yadda.
> 
> *We are not stupid. Living with and loving a raging addict is an abusive marriage. They may not hit us, but their actions and verbal diarrhea leaves scars that will never heal*.


OMG, this post right here just resonated with me so much. My husband is a functioning alcoholic, I call him "The Professional" when it comes to drinking.

He isn't a bad person & that is what makes leaving him so hard for me. 

So I have decided to just work on myself slowly but surely. I am eating right & started working out, I need to shed this depression weight I have gained. I am forcing myself to snap out of my funk & get out there & do more activities with my daughter. I am going to therapy for myself only.

I figure once I get myself to a healthier state both mind & body, I can make a much more sound decision on what I plan to do.

But this journey still sucks....


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## endlessgrief

JustTired said:


> OMG, this post right here just resonated with me so much. My husband is a functioning alcoholic, I call him "The Professional" when it comes to drinking.
> 
> He isn't a bad person & that is what makes leaving him so hard for me.
> 
> *So I have decided to just work on myself slowly but surely. I am eating right & started working out, I need to shed this depression weight I have gained. I am forcing myself to snap out of my funk & get out there & do more activities with my daughter. I am going to therapy for myself only.
> 
> I figure once I get myself to a healthier state both mind & body, I can make a much more sound decision on what I plan to do.*
> 
> But this journey still sucks....


Holy crap, YOUR post resonated with me. In fact, I had to check twice to see if I was the one who posted those words because they are EXACTLY what I am doing.


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## JustTired

endlessgrief said:


> Holy crap, YOUR post resonated with me. In fact, I had to check twice to see if I was the one who posted those words because they are EXACTLY what I am doing.


I think the both of us are in the same place emotionally. I really connected with the previosu post I quoted. don't hesitate to PM for support. I could use some friends that are where I am.


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