# I like to hurt my wife during sex, why?



## devilzme (Jun 25, 2011)

Before you all start judging me here me out....its not every day that i like to have rough sex - if anything, i enjoy being intimate with my Mrs and take my time with her but its like maybe 3-4 times in a year (that rare) when i just want to play rough...a little rough she doesn't mind but she says i over do it and i dont think or realise that i do...I have been happily married for 8 yrs and am literally obsessed about Mrs. I fear that this need of playing rough may effect my marriage but its something i feel i cant live without either. My question is, is this normal? do other men go through this? And for women, Do you think its unfair for me to ask for it even though i know she doesnt like it, atleast not to the "hurt" i like.
My views are that she is the only woman in my life and therefore i can only play all my fantasies with her.


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## xalenfairbanks (Jun 23, 2011)

I totally understand what you’re going through. My husband also likes it rough, but even though I would rather go slower he really enjoys it so I don’t tell him to stop. I think your wife is a little selfish and she should be more willing to let you get sexual satisfaction. I’m sure you do things that you don’t particularly like because she likes it. She should be willing to do the same for you.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

you shouldn't be doing more than what your wife is comfortable with.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You two should talk about what is acceptable, and what is not. Then both abide by what has been agreed upon.

Normal? I don't know. I like to hurt my husband, and he likes to hurt me. But we are in agreement. I would not ever do anything that he objects to.

We have a key word. If one of us wants the other to stop, we say the word, and what we are doing is immediately stopped.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Is this something you have always done or just started recently? Have you watched porn movies where they are rough and you like it so you got the idea from there, thinking your wife might like it?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I dont know if this post is real or not but I'll bite. I kind of doubt it - what are the odds that one of the 1000 or so men in the world that who think like this would actually find TAM. anywhoooo

I won't harass your azzz, I'll ask some questions about why you think you are justified in using your wife like she is a mindless sex doll to play out your all of your fantasies. I want to know because I want to make sure that my husband gets his entitlements husband is entitled; if any man is entitled, my man is so help me out. 

First, where did this idea that your wife had to compensate you for gracing her with your presence and sexual prowress? Do you think she has the right of consent for any of these fantasies of yours? Did she know she marrying a sadist? with these types of fetishes it is customary to gain consent before the marriage so that your partner knows how she will be used by you. 

How long do you think it will take before she to stops giving you the sex you think you are entitled to because she thinks she is entitled to have control over her body and does care to have sadistic sex? When she gets feed up with selfish sex and has an affair with someone who offers he intimacy and emotional connection to meet her needs, what will you do. 

When you find yourself single again and are asserting you god-given right to have a variety of sexual parter's, how long before you get arrested for sexual assault because some woman thinks she is entitled to consent to being hurt? When convicted, do you think your cellmate is entitled to be compensated by you for not having the female companionship? How long will it take you to look back and appreciate your wife and realize she is nit a sex doll for your use? 

Thanks for the info.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xalenfairbanks (Jun 23, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> I won't harass your azzz, I'll ask some questions about why you think you are justified in using your wife like she is a mindless sex doll to play out your all of your fantasies. I want to know because I want to make sure that my husband gets his entitlements husband is entitled; if any man is entitled, my man is so help me out.
> 
> First, where did this idea that your wife had to compensate you for gracing her with your presence and sexual prowress? Do you think she has the right of consent for any of these fantasies of yours? Did she know she marrying a sadist? with these types of fetishes it is customary to gain consent before the marriage so that your partner knows how she will be used by you.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you’re being a little harsh on him. He asked not be judged for his post. He also said that he doesn’t want it all the time, just a couple of times a year. I don’t think that he thinks of his wife as a sex doll. It’s also only one fantasy, not a whole slew of ways for him to torture his wife.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You think having unwanted painful sex is not objectifying women? Do you think that if he had any empathy and saw her as a person with feeling like his own he would hurt her? I think it is not only objectification but sadistic. A judgement is an unfair acusation. I called it how i saw it - it is desturbing and i will voice mu opion as i see it. 

In fact i gave him fair warning - she can stop having sex with him if she cant trust him and if he keeps this up, thats what he will probably get. That not a judgement that is good advice. He asked if it was normal but at the end answered his question by declaring his right to use his wife any way his fantasy took him because he was stuck with her. 

His wife got married expecting mutually satifying sex that respectful of her as a human.. It he is using her for his sexual fantasies then he should be honest and let her know that he has no intensions of honoring her wishes about his fantasies shr needs to do them no matter how painful or degrading they are.. Do you think he has discussed with his wife about her debt to him. I'll bet he has not because he knows she would tell him to shove it. So it is a hidden agenda that never works in marriage .


***** @@@@@@ EDIT sorry ladies and gents I assumed wrongly that the poster just above was male she is not. OK I am a sexist, funny how prejudices are there even when you know intellectually that it is wrong :{ ****** @@@@@@@




Let me give you this scenario tell me what you think since you are so supportive of a persons right to act out fantasies -.your partner likes to scape your junk with her teeth just a couple of times a year. You told her that it hurts and you don't want it. She does it anyway but only a few times a year. Not so bad right. You would probably be angry with her and feel ill used. You did not sign up to have your manhood treated like an ear of corn. 

What do you think?? Should she have her fantasy or maybe only men can do things without consent as long as it is only a few times a year. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## devilzme (Jun 25, 2011)

@ Catherine602 - As you said so your self its your opinion...therefore my last comment was my opinion of how i justify it....wrong, maybe but nevertheless my opinion. If i knew what i was doing is right than wouldnt have actually asked the question in this forum in the first place.... If you have read my comments correctly, its not that she does not enjoy it, its how far i push it and frankly i dont know how far is FAR....Btw, you last scenario is awesome...dont think i would complain too much if my manhood was treated like an ear of corn...


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Every marriage has areas where interests and limits intersect and where they don't. You need to compromise on this or forget about it. Perhaps she doesn't want real pain but perhaps she would be ok with 'aggressive' rough sex that doesn't involve her having to endure pain. You seem to indicate that you want more 'hurt' (not sure exactly what that means) but that she's ok with some rough play. You need to figure out how you can get what you need within her limits.

You also need to be careful not to push this too much. Women hate when men bug them about this kind of thing and she'll get really turned off to you.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

devilzme said:


> My views are that she is the only woman in my life and therefore i can only play all my fantasies with her.


So, what happens when your fantasies begin to include another woman? A man? Or maybe bleeding? Or asphixiation?

You say that she enjoys it as long as you don't go too far, but then you say that she tells you that you are going too far. Do you know what this sounds like to a fair minded person? It sounds like it is entirely possible that you are abusing her and she is only enduring this to keep the peace in the relationship. 

When you are intending to cause physical pain to another person, and that person is physically weaker than you, it is important to enter this in a way that causes zero pressure to the other person. Believe it or not, it is narcissistic to think that you are entitled to live out every fantasy that your mind can conjure. If she does not enjoy it, then it becomes abuse. Once you put her under the pressure of physical abuse, then it is nearly impossible to find out where her threshold truly is because of her own fear. 

There is one aspect where you are making yourself vulnerable that you apparently haven't considered. At any time, she can pick up the phone and legally call you an abuser. When you try to tell a lawyer that you have a right to live out your fantasies, they will remind you that you are living in the real world.

I'd suggest that you spend some time focused completely on her fantasies. Make her know that you love her in a giving sort of way. Then, if she begins to ask for a little pain, you can let her tell you how much is enough. In marriages that aren't dominated by one person's fantasies, this is called mutual respect.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Good handle; you got some demons in your head. Most men would kill their wife before they systematically hurt them....just sayin.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

@ devil what did your wife say when you share these views with her? "My views are that she is the only woman in my life and therefore i can only play all my fantasies with her." Let me guess, she has no idea that she is expected to act out all of your fantasies wheather she is interested or not. I'll bet you know better than to reveal how truly selfish you are. You should tell her. She may feel that she has sacrificed her freedom to enjoy other men to be with you. 

Those other men may become more appealing if she feels she has made a bad decision in unknowingly selecting a sadistic man. Just saying....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

trey69 said:


> Is this something you have always done or just started recently? Have you watched porn movies where they are rough and you like it so you got the idea from there, thinking your wife might like it?


I was wondering this too!


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

We all have fantasies we may want to play out but can't. That only happens in porn. You and your wife HAVE to establish what is comfortable for her but can satisfy you too. Maybe you want to whip but she will accept light spanking, maybe you want anal but she will accept a lubed finger, etc...etc... just don't ruin a great thing. There are a lot of people on here just wanting regular sex from their spouse.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Marriage is not a sexual contract that guarantees sexual fantasy fulfillment (unless you put that in your vows and she agreed to it). 

You don't say how you hurt her and you don't say how she reacts. What is it you are looking for out of the experience? If you are getting off on making her feel pain, I think you need to discuss with your wife what she is and is not willing to tolerate. At the very least, she should have a safe word that she can use with you to make you stop if you are getting out of hand.

If you are having violent thoughts in general and this fantasy is an outlet for those thoughts, that would be some cause for concern and I would recommend therapy. But if it's more some type of S&M thing, it's probably not a huge cause for concern.

If your wife does not want any part of this fantasy, I think you need to accept this. Many men and women have fantasies that may never be fulfilled but that doesn't mean they should get a divorce over it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Imagine the two of you were in a tornado. Would you want the thought that you sexually hurt her maybe be your last?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

devilzme said:


> Before you all start judging me here me out....its not every day that i like to have rough sex - if anything, i enjoy being intimate with my Mrs and take my time with her but its like maybe 3-4 times in a year (that rare) when i just want to play rough...a little rough she doesn't mind but she says i over do it and i dont think or realise that i do...I have been happily married for 8 yrs and am literally obsessed about Mrs. I fear that this need of playing rough may effect my marriage *but its something i feel i cant live without either*. My question is, is this normal? do other men go through this? And for women, Do you think its unfair for me to ask for it even though i know she doesnt like it, atleast not to the "hurt" i like.
> My views are that she is the only woman in my life and therefore i can only play all my fantasies with her.


Hello,
hope the bold stuff was an exaggeration. Don't overdo it as she clearly doesn't like it and is not obliged to do even if she is your wife and the only woman in your life. I really don't think you can't live without this, just don't overdo it and if that's not enough for you there's psssstt...pornstarpunishment


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

xalenfairbanks said:


> I totally understand what you’re going through.* My husband also likes it rough, but even though I would rather go slower he really enjoys it so I don’t tell him to stop.* I think your wife is a little selfish and she should be more willing to let you get sexual satisfaction. I’m sure you do things that you don’t particularly like because she likes it. She should be willing to do the same for you.


And you wonder why TAM members tell you to leave your husband? Everything is on his terms! What about *you*, my dear? 

If he wants to spank you, you allow it _even though you hate it_. If your husband wants rough sex, you let him be rough _even though it hurts you._ It doesn't sound healthy.


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## xalenfairbanks (Jun 23, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> And you wonder why TAM members tell you to leave your husband? Everything is on his terms! What about *you*, my dear?
> 
> If he wants to spank you, you allow it _even though you hate it_. If your husband wants rough sex, you let him be rough _even though it hurts you._ It doesn't sound healthy.


I don’t get why you think that doing something for your husband that he really likes is doing everything on his terms. He does lots of things for me every day that he knows I like or want, because he knows that it’s what I want.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

xalenfairbanks said:


> I don’t get why you think that doing something for your husband that he really likes is doing everything on his terms. He does lots of things for me every day that he knows I like or want, because he knows that it’s what I want.


Can you provide an example of the types of things he does? I mean putting the toilet seat down (for example) is hardly the same thing as letting him hurt you during sex unless it is something you enjoy.

You do realize you have just as many rights in that marriage as he does?


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## xalenfairbanks (Jun 23, 2011)

TNgirl232 said:


> Can you provide an example of the types of things he does? I mean putting the toilet seat down (for example) is hardly the same thing as letting him hurt you during sex unless it is something you enjoy.
> 
> The number one thing that I hate to do is to vacuum. Its so time consuming and I always get in a bad mood when I do it. My husband knows this so he does it every week for me.
> 
> ...


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## CarrieAnn (Mar 25, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> How long do you think it will take before she to stops giving you the sex you think you are entitled to because she thinks she is entitled to have control over her body and does care to have sadistic sex? When she gets feed up with selfish sex and has an affair with someone who offers he intimacy and emotional connection to meet her needs, what will you do.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, Catherine. You are spot on with this one if his wife is anything like me. My EAs were a symptom, not a cause of our marriage problems. Indeed I made a poor choice of how to handle it, but that's water under the bridge now.


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## devilzme (Jun 25, 2011)

Thanks guys - u'all are great help....Laurae, i like the safe word idea...will try that. Definetly not having violent thoughts in general...
Agend D and Trey - I have not always liked it this way but its the porn...We tried it once or twice and we enjoyed it but it seems i over do it now so she doesnt anymore...
I did get a lot a ppl saying i should stop cuz she might leave me for another man. Totally her choice however i think in a marriage sex is important and i didnt just spring this on her...we mutally agreed to doing it...she used to like it and now doesnt same as she used to like giving bj's before marriage and now doesnt....well tough tits...(no offense) but we can both only play out our fantasies with each other and if either one of us isnt happy doing it, i think time to call it quits...I am just saying....Will talk this through with Mrs....
Thanks for all your comments....


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

You need to stop watching porn. I think porn is bad for any relationship, however worse for people who can't seem to control themselves.
And you need to focus on your wife and what is attractive about her. You should love her as you do your self and if she is uncomfortable you should listen, and really value her as a person.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

devilzme said:


> well tough tits...(no offense) but we can both only play out our fantasies with each other and if either one of us isnt happy doing it, i think time to call it quits...I am just saying....


Yeah it probably is time to call it quits the. You are basing your marriage on whether or not you get to play out rough sex on your wife or not, and if she doesn't like it then its time to throw in the towel. So I'm assuming this is all there is in a marriage to you? What about a compromise of some kind? I think the porn has maybe messed with your head some.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Can you give us some examples as to how you like to hurt her? What might seem bad to her might not to you etc. Maybe we can offer more understanding if you were to share what it is you're doing exactly.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> Step away from the porn dear...it's not real
> 
> just sayin...you better start loosening up and be ready


he he this is good. Reverse kegles sp?

Your problem is not your wife it is your porn habit. Do a search on the affect of porn on the expectation of sex. Apparently, men who watch porn need more and more extream acts for stimulation. That need takes many men into areas that not many women want to go. 

Porn is male oriented and is concerned with male pleasure. The average woman is not thinking contantly of giving men bj and having enthusiastic sex for the gratification of the man with no expectation of pleasure and even safety. 

I think you have lost yout way and you are a mess- lost in a porn fog, obsessed with your pleasure and you have forgotten your wife is a person and not a porn prop. She was good to try to accomadare you at first but she probably did not realize that you would lose control of yourself and become obsessed. 

Your comment about what she used to like and does not any longer - you made her not like it because you became self obsessed and she may feel you are not safe. Do you think she gave to you out of love or because she thought you were entitled? Have you failed to recognize and appreciate. 

You are better off getting treatment to break the porn habit. There are several advantages - your sexual desire will reset back to normal and you will be able to attend to real woman, you will be happy with normal sex, and you won't hurt your wife. More importantly, you will not follow the little brain and divorce and let it lead you around until it stops.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

The point, the actual point, to having fetish sex with a masochist is not actually to endorse your own sadism. You know that, right? I mean you actually understand that for whatever reason, whatever hamsters are running around in their brain, people who get sexual pleasure out of pain, humiliation, submission, fear, domination still derive PLEASURE from it. Sexual sadism is the polar opposite of that. It's you deriving sexual pleasure from your partner NOT deriving pleasure from you. Real sexual sadism is beyond kink. It's pathological cruelty. Like hurting small animals and other indicators of sociopathy. Real honest to god sexual sadism is worthy of being called a criminal sex offense in my book. 

But that's me. Even though I spend every day with a wife I can't stand, I'd probably still take a bullet for her because people aren't supposed to be harmed against their will. Otherwise we may as well be cannibals.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm not surprised you learned some of this from porn. I guess it depends on exactly what it is you are doing that she doesn't like, but if its something she doesn't like you shouldn't be doing it. But then again, thats what this is all about, it being something YOU like, regardless of anothers feelings. I mean after all, you are ready to call it quits over her not liking it like you do.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Porn is definitely not real. I would say that 75% of what professional porn portrays regarding women and how they like sex is TOTALLY WRONG. The manhandling of breasts, rough sex, rough fingering, rough butt play, etc. is not what feels good to a woman. You can even see how most of the female porn stars are barely tolerating what they are doing...faking a smile and gritting their teeth and wishing it would be over. How that could be a turn on to watch is beyond me.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

No means No!

rough is ok if its ok with her. Even if it causes her pain. some ppl are into some degree of pain. But dude, really, if it hurts her and it isn't her thing why would you want to hurt her. If shes into S&M then I get it but if not then I don't get you.


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## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

Devilzme, Read through some of my posts & you might have a better perspective on how you're making your wife feel


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## ace4g (Jul 24, 2011)

BigToe said:


> you shouldn't be doing more than what your wife is comfortable with.


Men are always doing stuff we aren't comfortable with for our wives, why can't they?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

ace4g said:


> Men are always doing stuff we aren't comfortable with for our wives, why can't they?


What exactly is comparable to a sex act that can be very painful and degrading? 

What has your wife been asking you to do that even comes close?:scratchhead:


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## michael287 (Jul 25, 2011)

Rough sex is nightmare for women!


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

I think its disgusting that you cannot function in your life without roughing up your partner in the bedroom. You obviously have some huge Freudian issues going on there, or mom-related issues. You should consult a qualified psychologist quick smart, and start some intense psychotherapy before your dysfunctional thinking ruins your whole marriage. 

Fantasies are all well and good but when they impair your ability to function in real life, and have negative consequences on your loved ones, then you have a huuuuuge red flag waving right in your face. And I know it sounds dramatic, but I have read about many a serial killer than started out in this exact same situation. You get your "fill" each time, and next thing you know, you want that little bit extra and it escalates. It is insidius.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

ace4g said:


> Men are always doing stuff we aren't comfortable with for our wives, why can't they?


Like Syrum said. What 'stuff' are you doing for your wife that involves an intensely intimate act to your person that you aren't comfortable with that includes degradation and pain? My guess, there isn't any.

No partner should be made to do something that is not totally consenual, especially if it is something painful. All sexual activities need to be consensual. If your partner does not want to do something that you do, then you need to find things that both of you can enjoy.


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## Soupnutz (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm the opposite of you. I would love for my wife to hurt me. Punch me, pull my hair, scratch me, whatever. She's not down for that though and wouldn't be one bit comfortable doing it so I don't ask. I knew that when I married her and it's not an issue.


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## Lea2407 (Jul 14, 2011)

> Also,be prepared for your wife to fire back with things she wants from YOU fantasywise.Ya know she could come back with wanting to shove things into interesting orifices of your body and you'd pretty much have to say yes bc of what you're expecting from her in the way of violent sex.
> 
> just sayin...you better start loosening up and be ready


:iagree:

I'm all about equal opportunity in my marriage. If my husband wants something, that's fine, as long as he's willing to do the same for me. 

You'd be amazed at how many fantasies lose their appeal for men when they're faced with them. 

Now, there's a lot being said about men degrading women with their porn fantasies. I read about men being nailed to the wall about porn and how they're degrading their wives, girlfriends, etc. Now, this may be true in some cases, definitely not as many as the crusade against porn would suggest, but the point is that just as many men are degraded by their wives daily, and this issue is never rallied against as wholeheartedly. 

Furthermore, while the OP's situation is on a different level because of the issue of pain, constantly judging men about their fantasies/needs/wants and making them feel like there is something wrong with them or they are less of a man/husband because of their thoughts is also degrading. 

It all goes back to the equal opportunity subject. Neither person in a marriage or any type of relationship should have to do anything they're not comfortable with. 

However, there is definitely, in many NOT ALL relationships, an unfair scale where men are expected to live out the fantasies of women, and not just sexually. Men are expected to be romantic and sensitive, care about things they normally wouldn't care about, know the right things to say, and etc. 

Basically, they need to live up to the idea of the leading man that has been drilled into women's heads since they were little girls from romantic movies and books, other women, etc. If porn is giving men unrealistic expectations of women and creating problems in relationships, the same can be said about women watching romantic movies and reading romance novels. 

So many wives and girlfriends have no problem telling the men in their lives to forget about porn or they can forget about the relationship. Well, that's fine, but put down that romance novel and turn off the soap operas. No, the sex in porn isn't realistic, but the sex in romance novels and movies isn't either. Each one is a fantasy, just in a different format. 

If you're not willing to fulfill your husband's fantasies, within reason of course, then don't expect the same from him.

That being said, there's never an excuse for pushing your partner into something that they aren't comfortable with or is hurting them either physically or emotionally, and no I don't think this compares to men doing things they don't want to do like dishes. Now, if doing dishes was painful for you in some way, then yes, it would be the same. Otherwise, it's not a valid argument. 

If you don't care about how your wife feels and the fact that you're hurting her beyond what she's okay with and are willing to leave her because she's not just rolling over and taking it, then she's probably better off without you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Over the years I've made a habit of poking wifey, and the makeup sessions have slowly evolved, to 'normal' rough sex, to bruise material... to wrestling/punching/biting/slapping/scratching/raking material.

Not always in the mood for it though, even though it's definitely one of the better types of sex compared to the routine.

BTW: Women who don't 'naturally' have the desire to be 'punished', can't have the rough sex with all the pain if they're not feeling the adrenaline.


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## Lea2407 (Jul 14, 2011)

I also have to say that rough sex is not always about pain. Now, I don't know how the OP feels about this, so for him, it could be about the pain.

However, sometimes it's just about passion and channeling your energy. I'm the same way in all areas of my life. For example, in kickboxing classes, I absolutely can not do classes that have you punch and kick at the air instead of a bag. I have to feel my energy connect with something or I feel like I'm going to explode.

It's the same during sex. The pushing, grabbing, scratching etc is just releasing all of those pent up emotions and energy. I enjoy it and so does my husband, and it's not because porn has conditioned our minds to like this.

It's not the act of rough, painful sex that is the problem. It's the intention. I would never intentionally hurt my husband or vice versa, nor would we do anything to make the other uncomfortable. As with any sexual act, both people should be willing and comfortable. 

No matter what you want, you have to respect your wife's feelings and boundaries. You probably wouldn't be happy if she just up and stabbed you with a fork during dinner because she felt like it. Causing her pain during sex that she doesn't want is no different.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Mr and Mrs Smith I presume?


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## Lea2407 (Jul 14, 2011)

> Mr and Mrs Smith I presume?


That's actually one of mine and my husband's inside jokes.


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## RAYMOND (Feb 5, 2010)

The bottom line is everything must be consensual. If the other doesn't like it it should be off the menu. End of story. Sex should be enjoyable for both. True we need to adjust to the others true sexual needs but importing stuff from porn is not right in my view. Besides that can lead to mental adultery and away from true intimacy. It is one thing to adjust quite another to be oppressed. That is just cruelty.

There are needs that are invalid. If someone says I need to punch someone. That is invalid and a problem. That is nothing to do with love and indicates a serious problem to be dealt with. I am exaggerating here to get a point across.


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## Amazedbythisforum (Mar 12, 2012)

WOWWW! Instead of "talk about marriage" change name to "angry women rant at men". 
If a man says he is not satisfied and cheated: He is evil
Here the man says 
"she is the ONLY woman in my life": He is still evil
Where is the compromise? At what point can the man get some pleasure out of the marriage? 

Annagarret above provides an actual suggestions: "Maybe you want to whip but she will accept light spanking, maybe you want anal but she will accept a lubed finger . . ." 


I THINK thats what the guy was looking advice . . .but comments like:

"you got some demons in your head" and " what about when your fantasies begin to include . . . asphyxiation " and Catherine602
"I'll bet you know better than to reveal how truly selfish you are"

Wild conjecture that borders on fortune telling! "Truly selfish" with "Demons" that are going to lead to homosexual sex and murder!
You can tell all that about a guy that DOES NOT cheat on his wife?
Can you tell me what my lucky numbers are?

I was going to ask a question but I am sure most are not here to give advice but to vent about their own marriage frustrations and convince men that expecting to enjoy marriage is WRONG

To original poster along with annagarret comment about establishing boundaries, spend more time talking "sexual" until she is ready to reveal her fantasies. My wife did NOT tell me her fantasies but still became resentful about living out my fantasies. . . your wife may be shy to say her hidden nasties but when she finally tells you and you respond positively, your relationship will go to another level of intimacy (as she can trust you with her dark side) and she will be more willing to live out your fantasies.


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

Look, everyone has fantasies, my H had quite a few I had no idea of, he likes rough bdsm sex with me every once in a while. He has gone overboard sometimes, he's not in my body and if I'm not saying it hurts he doesn't know. find a way to bring your wife to it gradually don't start off on her being rough, build it up more into excitement then when the orgasms start taking over she will be able to enjoy the same as you, it's not just a hole u can shove stuff into, we don't enjoy that, try performing oral on her for a while gradually adding more fingers, start adding a little dirty talk, call her a bad girl, or tell her she's your dirty girl, when a wife sees her man wanting her and the pure excasty on his face that were bringing him, it sends us into overdrive and it makes kinky stuff second nature to us. Try inviting her to watch the light bdsm videos with you ex: spanking toys, dirty talk, stimulate her while you do and tell her how beautiful she is and how much you want her. The key in all of this Is letting ur wife know that you want HER, not the specific acts. If you do that I promise you the acts u want will follow, remember her giving herself to u completely takes time, be patient if u really want her.
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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

My wife actualy demanded I get rough with her. 

She told me to spank her ass and seemed to get angry that I was not doing it hard enough. I slapped her ass so hard It left a bruise and hurt my hand.... she had an orgasm... lol

She also wants me to bite her, while in from behind she demands I bite the back of her neck like a lion in the wild. Again, I had to bite her so hard I thought I was about to get a mouth full of flesh..... she had an orgasm... 

We dont do that often but damn she can take some abuse... lol

She want to get a strap on and give me some "pay back" ... Im a bit worried...


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