# He cheated not once BUT TWICE



## Nani86 (Apr 18, 2013)

On monday my world just fell apart. I was on fb and noticed this message on my "other" messages inbox. It was from last february. A woman saying my husband cheated on me, that he had a 3 months old baby with another woman and she was taking him to court. 
Back in December he told me papers were served to him at work. He told me this crazy ex gf was taking him to court for child support, but he swore the baby was not his. And he told me the kid was 3 years old. I was upset but with my newborn on my arms I told him we would work it out. Everything was going to be fine, even if the kid was his. Because according to him the kid was 3 years old. We've been married for 1 year and 8 months. I was not even in a relationship with him 3 years ago. But this baby is just a month older than my baby! I was in shock. 
On the fb message this friend of the OW gave me this girl's phone number. So i called. She told me she got pregnant in feb last year and that as soon as she told him he told her he didn't want to know about her or the baby and that he was married and he loved his wife.
She acted like she didn't want to do anything with him and that she just wanted the child support bc she has another kid and bills and medicines to pay as her baby was born deaf. She also told me she blames my husband bc of this, she said she was too upset during her pregnancy and that she didn't care about him at all.

I'm sorry but this story is going to be long, because as I stated he cheated on me not once but twice! Last year we were not in a good place in our marriage. Back in january I just wanted to get a divorce, he had changed, he was not sweet to me any,ore, he was very aggressive, yelling all the time to me and I have a 6 years old from a previous relationship that I did not want to grow up in an environment like this. I talked to him many times that i was sick and tired of him, that if he didn't change i was going to leave him. All of this times he said he was going to change but he never did. We found out I was pregnant in April. It was not planned but we were happy. We kept arguing and having problems bc he spent most of the day on his computer and did not share much with me. I installed a keylogger on his computer bc he used to delete all the data from it. With the key logger i was able to retrieve the coversations he had on the game he was on all the time. He had been talking to this OW in there. Acting like he was single, telling her he wanted to meet her, planning a trip to vegas to meet. Telling her he missed her and that he wanted to be with her, asking for pictures, etc etc. He was also calling her from his work and talking to her on the phone.

I was 4 months pregnant and I just felt like I wanted to die right there, my emotions didn't let me sleep, eat, or anything. I was going through a really bad depression. He denied all of it, he called me psycho and crazy. After arguing for hours he finally admitted it. I packed my stuff and was ready to leave. But leave where? I have no family in this country. I had no close friends either. We moved here to the US as soon as we got married. I called my parents and told them everything, they bought tickets to flew me and my son back to our country. He cried and begged me to stay. I left. And he followed us to the airport, he cried and cried and begged in front of everybody, people were starting to get worried. I did not leave and after hours we decided to go to concealing and save our marriage. After all he never met this woman in person and it was just a stupid fantasy, right? Well we went to therapy together and everything got better, we found out the main problem we had and we worked on it. That was in july. Since then we've been really happy. I loved him with all my heart and i know he does too. He kept showing me how much he loved me and our family and he became the husband I always wanted.
But on monday I felt like my life just ended again. I did not know what to do. But to my surprise I did not shed a tear. I did not yelled or got all emotionally crazy. 
After I called the OW I confronted him. He still denied it, he said that kid was not his, that he has nit seen her in years and blah blah blah. I told him right there now was the chance to come forward because he had to go to court for the DNA next month and I was going to find out whether he liked it or not. He finally broke down to cry and told me all about it. He told me it was back then when we were having problems and he swore to me he had changed and he didn't want or care about any other woman. He said al, he wanted and needed it was our family. I told him I wanted the divorce and asked him to leave our home. After a lot of crying and begging he finally left. 

He came back the next morning, we talked some more. I tried to hurt him with my word and I know I did. I did not cursed him or called him names or anything. But i reminded him how good of a wife I was, how good of a mom i was and how much i loved him. I watched him cry for hours. Again I did not shed a tear, i never cried. i dont know why, i dont know if it is bc i was still in shock or what. He said he would do whatever to save our marriage. Go to marriage concealing, sex therapy, church. Whatever i felt it was necessary. He said from now and on he would do whatever i wanted him to do. Inside of me all I could think about was about that other baby (a deaf baby) that has no fault on any of this. I found out the OW is not saint, she'd been trying to get pregnant from any US citizen for long time, she is an illegal immigrant and as ignorant as she is, she thought by having a baby she could stay here legally. She told me she didn't contacted me bc she didn't care about my husband and our marriage. But then i found out that she's been trying to contact me since way before she got pregnant. My husband also told me that she decided to take him to court right when he told her he was not leaving me. She asked him to leave me. 
But anyway, that day I made my husband call her and apologize to her ( yeah I know it sounds silly) but i wanted him to humiliated himself in front of her, to tell her he was calling her bc his wife asked him to, and he wanted to apologized for what he did to her and me, i also made him tell her that he was going to take care of the baby economically and that he was going to be in the baby's life. Right there she talked to me and told me she didn't want him to file for share custody or anything, that she just wanted the money. So then i told her that was not up to her or me or him anymore. That it was up to a judge to decide that, and that she should have known better before she decided to take him to court, bc if she was him to help with money as he is the father, he also will have rights in case this is true.
Now she is scared bc i told her we want to be in that baby's life and we can provide for him and give him the good life that she cant give to him. We dont want to take the baby away from her. But now she says she doesnt want the baby to be with us. She is mad that im not leaving my husband also, so that shows that she really was not after my husband just bc she needed the money. 
I love my husband, and I know he has changed and that he regrets what he did. I know he is a better man know. But i just wished he had never lie to me like he did. I love him but i dont trust him and i find myself sometimes angry and mad, even when i decided to forgive him i cant help to fell like this. I also feel clueless and I dont know if what i did is right, to forgive him so fast, to stay with him even after he cheated not once but twice.
What would you do? Should I do things differently?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

First of all, I think you've handled yourself quite well so far. You gathered evidence, confronted with it, didn't back down, and kicked him out. The only thing it sounds like you may have made a mistake on is rugsweeping things the first time.

Going forward, you have to realize that HE screwed up, BOTH times. HE cheated, and no matter what some counselor or your hubby says, that is 100% HIS fault. Your marriage may not have been perfect, which you ARE partly to blame for, but your husband made a choice to cheat. it was HIS CHOICE. No one elses. 

So, in order to truly recover, you and he have to face head on what he did, and open up everything from him to you so that there is NO way he can have secrets ever again. This process takes YEARS. And during the whole time, you husband MUST address the fact he cheated, every single time you need him to. He has to open up his computer, emails, bank accounts, phone, EVERYthing to you, no questions asked. This is non negotiable. Have a look at the newbie link in my signature.

If I were you I would keep the keylogger on secretly, because I wouldn't be at all surprised if he took things farther underground.

There's also the question of what you don't know. You caught him twice. There's a very good chance he's done it other times that you DON'T know about.


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## Nani86 (Apr 18, 2013)

I asked myself the same question. What dont i know? Has he done it more than twice? He swore he hasn't. But he also swore that when i caught him with the ow from the internet. He is trying to keep me happy, but he hasn't been really supportive about me wanting to seek for help. I want to see a concealer by myself to. I feel like i need to talk to somebody who doesnt know me or us and i can tell the sotry. Bcuas ei feel like i am going crazy. I am a very emptional person. I find myself crying to tv shows, and even to pictures sometimes. But i haven't shed a tear since i found out aout the whole thing. I feel mad, angry, sad, ashamed. But i feel like i am not myself. I dont know if that is good or wrong. I just dont feel liek myself.
I contacted the ow last night because i want her to get to an agreement with h aout chils support and i dont want this oc in our lives. I kiw it is it his fault and he shouldn't have tooay for it, but it sure isn't my children fault either, snd they dint need to kniw what his dad did to mommy and also this kid doesn't need to know his mom got involve with s married man snd this man decided to stay with his other family and not with him.
Anyway! I feel like im going crazy witb sll of this emotions. I never thought i could take so much pain and bs! I kinda feel proud of myself. 
Thanks for your inside! I apprecciate it


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I think you have not seen the last of his cheating.

He has lied as part of the cheating (both times THAT YOU KNOW OF) and lied after getting caught (both times THAT YOU KNOW OF) and he only has ever admitted to what you already knew.

You have only been married less than two years, and he has cheated on you twice already.

What are you going to do the next time you find out he has cheated?


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

So is he going to cheat on you the next time you go through a bad patch?
I'm sorry but he's a serial cheater and is only sorry because he got caught.
You deserve much better. This is not a healthy environment for your children to grow up in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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