# What's wrong with her?



## razorlines (Mar 16, 2013)

I'd really like someone to help me understand things better in my marriage.
I really love my wife but I'm not sure if she loves me as much as I do. We have been married for nearly 8 years. We don't have kids. 
It all started a couple of weeks ago when I went to visit my mom. She lives abroad. And I stayed there for 10 days. When I returned my wife was a bit different. She had bought a new mobile phone while I was gone. The first thing I realized was that she was constantly on the phone texting to her girl friends. 
She also is a smoker and I realized that she has been smoking more than ever. Up to 2 packs a day. She doesn't talk to me too much anymore. 
Then she went to another city to visit a girl friend who is getting married. She spent some time with her. When she got back she was even weirder. 
Lately, she has been going out with her friends. She expecially goes out shopping and constantly buys new stuff. She has never been like that. I mean she likes shopping like every other woman out there but it's gone to the extremes now. She has been buying new things every day. 
Last night she was out with her friend who came to our city. My wife said it's strictly a girls' night out. I believe her. But then she came like 4 in the morning. 
Right now she is out shopping again with her girl friend who is also married. 
She also started the gym a week ago. All of a sudden. She's not the sportive type. So I was wondering what happened. 
I don't know what to do. Her smoking worries me. Her shopping binge worries me. Her silence worries me. Her not so "her" actions worries me. 
I would be very glad if someone shared some ideas and advice as to what I can do. I want this to work out. 
She's my wife.


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## Laba (Nov 12, 2011)

Huge chance that she is cheating. Act normal and start investing in investigation. Keylogger, gps, VAR, phone spying software. No change is for nothing and there is 50% chance you are just a safety blanket for a cake eater.


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## Laba (Nov 12, 2011)

Lot of smoking in women most of time will define thinking and strategizing so at any cost you need to find out what it is so you can stay couple steps ahead.


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

Have you talked to her? Asked her what's going on. Mentioned you noticed changes and are curious? That would be a good first step before jumping to any conclusions.


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## razorlines (Mar 16, 2013)

LadyOfTheLake said:


> Have you talked to her? Asked her what's going on. Mentioned you noticed changes and are curious? That would be a good first step before jumping to any conclusions.


I've actually tried talking to her. I don't think she's cheating. But considering her age, 34, she might be in some kind of depression. I'm not really sure. I really am trying my best. Maybe I'm not really doing my best. What she actually told me that she needs to do these things. I don't know about the shopping craze. I know that it happens to women from time to time but this worries me. I hate jumping into conclusions but not having an answer to my worries also is quite disappointing.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I use to be a smoker. A pack a day(before I met hubby). I didn't want my h to know, so I quit and took up running. Let me tell you, there's no possible way that she's doing a cardio workout and smoking. Especially if its up to 2 packs a day.

You may want to investigate a bit. Her behavior are classic signs of cheating. Don't be in denial or overlook this. The red flags are right there in front of you. Her improving her looks, massive amount of money spent, out late, increased going out, "girls night only"(yeah right, I don't believe her), ect.... These are huge indications there's another man(or woman) she's involved with.


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## fetishwife (Apr 22, 2012)

UGH 2 packs a day? She is doing you a favor by cheating in the sense that you can now dump her and move on.

Smoking like that is a disgusting habit and if you stay with her you will have a cheater who is also SICK and UGLY and GETS EARLY AGING....disgusting skin, teeth, as she gets older she will cough all night long...cost you a fortune in medical bills...

Shopping habit is an OCD thing....makes her feel better like the smoking addiction...none of us are perfect....if she can AFFORD the shopping I would not care about that...if its beyond her ability to comfortably afford and especially if you are paying for it then CUT HER CREDIT CARD OFF! 

If she is cheating and buying crap at Victorias Secret or whatever to look for for someone else...do you want to be paying for that?

Im sorry this is happening to you....but someone who smokes 2 packs a day is sick....its as bad or worse than alcoholism and it will KILL her....secondary smoke can really hurt you too...


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Sorry but going by everything you've said, it really sounds like she's having an affair.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

GNO - meeting her new man at night 
GYM - meeting her new man during day 
Shopping - same as gym

New clothes to look hot for her new man


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The best way to stop jumping to conclusions is to stop asking questions and do the heavy lifting in finding the truth.

You owe it to your self to do your own investigation into her sudden changes. You owe it to your self by doing the research need in preventing getting deceived.

You have alot invested here so get to the bottom of all this and find out if your wife is acting like you are always around even when your not or if you are about to be replaced.

It is a big step in going down this road by buying and planting the tools to find the truth....are you interested?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

On a side note, your place must be getting packed with all the stuff she is buying!

Or maybe I'm wrong and all these shopping trip don't yield much merchandise?

Have you looked up the signs/red flags of infidelity?


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## razorlines (Mar 16, 2013)

Thanks for all the replies you have taken the time to write. I really appreciate it. 

For all I know, she is trying to get healthier because everyone around her has said that she has lost a lot of weight. 
By the way, we have signed up to the gym together and she has never gone there alone. She says that she wants to get healthier and fitter to deal with all the lost weight and smoking. But she just can't stop smoking especially around friends. All my friends are smokers except me...and I feel horrible when all of them are smoking and I'm the only one left who who's not smoking. 
Anyways, what I've also noticed is that she's not buying lingerie or etc...she said she wants to get rid of her cupboard. 
She bought brown boots. I love brown boots. But it's so not her. I must say that it's nice to see a break from all the black she was wearing. 
Do you guys think that this may be more like an early mid-life crisis kinda thing rather than cheating?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

razorlines said:


> Do you guys think that this may be more like an early mid-life crisis kinda thing rather than cheating?


It's not uncommon for a mid-life crisis and cheating to go hand in hand. But honestly a lot of the behaviors she's engaged in are pretty much textbook for someone who is either engaged in an affair or is just starting to have an affair/cheat.

I know people here can jump on the "They're cheating" bandwagon pretty quick but as far as I can tell it's almost never called wrong and is almost always based on the actions of the spouse in question.

The way she's acting it sounds like she's trying to look better for someone else. Working out would be one thing. But the constant texting, GNO till 4 in the morning, shopping binges (if she's buying new clothes this is another red flag), out of character behaviors seemingly out of nowhere, etc. She's following the cheater's script.

She's trying to get the attention of other men or is enjoying the attention that she's already getting from another man. 

Like the guy said you need to start doing some serious investigating. Put a Voice Activated Recorder in her car. Put a keylogger on her computer, try to get access to her phone when she's not around if you can to see what kind of texts she's getting or numbers she's calling. If the history has been wiped that's another flag. If you can afford it I'd consider hiring a PI if you don't feel up to the other stuff (although that's the more expensive route).

But don't tell her you suspect anything without proof otherwise she's just going to make it harder for you to get any evidence of anything.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I don't believe in mid-life crisis'. A mid life crisis is an excuse to justify poor behavior and an affair. I just don't buy it. 

Keep an eye on your wife's suspicious behavior. Like I mentioned earlier, smoking and working out do not mix. Especially for a heavy smoker. If she were to improve her health, she'd quit smoking first before anything else.


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## fetishwife (Apr 22, 2012)

I absolutely went through a mid-life crisis this year.

Its a feeling that you are in your late 40's and time to experience all you want in life is running out. If you are in turmoil or not in love with your spouse it adds to the internal stress because you think your chances are rapidly passing for a "happier" life.

The fear of death and aging have been big issues for me and trouble in relationship solidified it. Some IC helped me to at least see this and see that it is common and deal with the facts of life....we all get older and time does run out and the time you have left goes by more and more quickly.

So Im just replying to your not believing in it.

Its not an excuse for infidelity however!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What you know: You came back from a trip and she had a new phone and was unusually talkative on it. Way out of character for her.

What you assume: She's talking to girlfriend.

What you know: She left the home for a few days and returned acting even stranger.

What you assume: She was out of town at a wedding the entire time.

What you know: She's finding excuses to be frequently away from you and she's acquiring new apparel and accessories.

What you assume: She's shopping with girlfriend.

What you know: She's smoking more and talking to you less...pretty clear sign of something adding additional stress in her life.

If adultery was a felony, you almost have enough evidence to get an arrest warrant.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I agree with most others who say she's probably cheating

Pretty much everything she's done or is doing are what are considered Red Flags

Read up in the coping with infidelity section and look at the thread regarding gathering information

Good luck. I think you're going to need it


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I don't believe in mid-life crisis'. A mid life crisis is an excuse to justify poor behavior and an affair. I just don't buy it.


I loathe the term. 

All the same behaviors can be observed at 18, 25, 30, 40, 50 - it can happen at anytime to anyone and plenty of people do not have one at all. So this is just a silly name applied to something that is not a properly classified medical or psychological condition. 

Buying a corvette and dating your secretary is hardly a "crisis". A crisis is when you have cancer, no insurance, and a tornado just destroyed your house. 


OP - your wife is having an affair.


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## fetishwife (Apr 22, 2012)

Wiserforit..

I was describing what I called my "midlife crisis" which is really a garbage term I agree.

For me it means anxiety about aging and death and somehow running out of time in life to have a good relationship....I suppose that can happen at any age, but the midlife part I associate with the death and aging anxiety part.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Also not a believer in the MLC term at all. It always seem to me to be a justification for people to either act poorly or juvenile


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

fetishwife said:


> Wiserforit..
> 
> I was describing what I called my "midlife crisis" which is really a garbage term I agree.
> 
> For me it means anxiety about aging and death and somehow running out of time in life to have a good relationship....I suppose that can happen at any age, but the midlife part I associate with the death and aging anxiety part.


I understand. The term has gained traction from so many using it.

Your case is pretty clear that there are substantial problems in the marriage. Not a problem of you being middle aged. 

But you are forgiven.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

razorlines said:


> Last night she was out with her friend who came to our city. My wife said it's strictly a girls' night out. I believe her. But then she came like 4 in the morning.
> 
> 
> Her smoking worries me. Her shopping binge worries me. Her silence worries me. Her not so "her" actions worries me.


Trolling for strange men at meat markets 'till 4 in the morning DOESN'T??

Spring is in the air!! St. Patty's must have kicked it off. Three threads TODAY where I commented on bar-hopping wives. It's going to be a tough summer for the cuckolds.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You need to find out what she's up to.

Check her texts, phone log, e-mail if you can.

It's behavior directly related to cheating.


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## fetishwife (Apr 22, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> I understand. The term has gained traction from so many using it.
> 
> Your case is pretty clear that there are substantial problems in the marriage. Not a problem of you being middle aged.
> 
> But you are forgiven.


Thanks for the support.


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