# 2 years & still some agony.. normal?



## 52flower

It will soon be 2 years that he out of the blue, told me he had an apartment and was moving out. We had been married 16 years although he had an affair in 2006 that lasted 6 months. He moved out then, also. Both times he initially said it was not about another woman but both times I quickly found out the OW was the reason. It made sense because in both cases, things were seemingly fine between us. 

The first time, although he moved out & her in (our vacation home without me knowing), he went back and forth, telling me he needed to see her one more time to break it off. Yeah....I see now how foolish I was. If I had known of this site and read all of the threads, I would have been smarter. This time, once he left, he never returned. He has texted, emailed, phoned, and visited to tell me he still loves me and wants to make it work, up until 2 weeks ago. For the last month, I have not responded to those words and only answered what was pertinent to our financial ties. He got us into a mess by investing a nauseating amount of money into bogus deals. As a result, we lost our house, our vacation home, time share, & lots & lots of cash. He is fine in the sense that he has a home and a business with the OW that makes good money. I don't have a home and am living with relatives, humiliating as I am 58 yrs old and have been self-sufficient since high school (paid my way through undergrad and grad school at major universities).

Intellectually, I know that severing contact would probably expedite healing. I envy the entries that share that the writers are done with heartbreak and on to days of happiness and optimism. I know it takes time but is 2 years on the long side? I still have a broken heart as I put so much into our marriage & him & fought hard so that we would make it. I honestly loved and cared for him more than anything. I wanted to stay married forever & he knew & felt it. I get sad when I know they are on vacation together or when he pampers & protects her they way he did me. I really thought it wouldn't last, especially with his comments that they seem like roommates, & their relationship doesn't have the romantic & fun flavor ours did & he misses me and us so much. He says he wants to come back but needs the money to move, live, & start a career. So he stays.... guess my worth hinges on money. By the way, she makes a lot of money for them. He does not have to work much. They both enjoy buying and living the lavish lifestyle (they have new cars - Porsche & Lexus). I realize, now, that when he has an opportunity to get something that makes him feel good (material things, money, attention, sex) he will do whatever it takes to get it. Although he has empathy, he has has the ability to turn it off when it gets in the way of getting what he wants. Therefore he knows how to not feel bad. He told me lots of things that still burn in my heart & mind...that I should have tried harder for him, that I need to be patient and wait, that these other women really take good care & try hard to please him, that they are younger and it is flattering that they are interested in him...and lots more. But he adds that he still loves me & I will always be his only love..

I'm much better than I was a year ago. I don't have tears very often and have more moments of strength and indifference than before. Maybe if my financial situation was better & I had my own home, it would help. I know he is not good relationship material, at least for me. Other than the 2 affairs and occasional lying, we had great times together; he was my one and only. Granted, the lying took its toll on the trust which affected intimacy & eventually deteriorated the entire relationship. I know it wouldn't work getting back together because he does not show the signs needed to reconcile in a healthy way. I so hope I am not hoping he comes back; I would be insane. And I would have friends and family give up on me. I think, like others, it would be nice to know he regrets and hurts, not having me in his life anymore. Asking too much...huh...

I'm fairly outgoing and joined a gym a year ago. I still work 2 jobs and go out with friends every chance I get. It would be nice to start dating again, just for companionship. Maybe I should take the plunge & try online dating? It would probably help get over the hill & help me own that he is someone from my past & shouldn't occupy my present. Sometimes I feel I am too old to do such a thing and should just keep going the way I am. I'm just wondering if it is possible to expedite the healing and if I am taking an abnormal amount of time to become healthy again.

Sorry this is so long. A down night and it feels good to let my thoughts out. I don't know about others but hearing from even one person makes you feel stronger and back on course of reality and health.


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## Shelly29

Its been 7 months since my ex walked out on me, only i didnt have any reasoning, closure or even the slightest hint as to why.... I also wish sometimes he would feel regret..... I also started going to the gym since the day he left...i run now 2-3 miles about 3 to 4 times a week and feel great! Its become a real stress releaser for me because my roller coaster of emotion is still a bit crazy.

I think its good to think about you, work on you, focus and pamper you. Go on dates, get your hair done, go shopping, try something new.


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## 52flower

Yes - I do much of what you suggest. Did he start a new family? Does he stay in contact with you? It's hard when he still sends me emails but I guess that persists as my link to making it difficult.


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## Shelly29

52flower said:


> Yes - I do much of what you suggest. Did he start a new family? Does he stay in contact with you? It's hard when he still sends me emails but I guess that persists as my link to making it difficult.


A couple days ago I found out he is with someone...tore my heart apart. She look identical to me, height, activities, she is latin too, speaks spanish too, I mean everyone thinks its weird. So that has been a dagger for the last several days. He has tried contacting me in the last 2 weeks, wants to be friends, sent me an email, chats with me on gmail so I kept thinkig...oh "maybe" he has changed...but after my firedns ptu me in check and showed me his fb pg and said, no, let him go, I now know he jsut wants his cake and to eat it too. Im putting a stop to that.


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## 52flower

I'm sorry Shelly29. I know the pain you feel. He gave hope but now that I think about it, his words were to feel less guilty (as he was having a good time with her) or words to keep me hanging. In both cases, the purpose was to make him feel better - to take care of his needs.

It's hard to be where I want to be & that he still has a place in my heart & mind (although I will never let him know). It's hard to admit that it still hurts when I learn something new about them as a couple. As much as I know he is a poor partner, I resent that she so easily took my place & that they are having a good time together. 2 years is a long time. By now it appears it wasn't just a fling. I've been keeping busy & trying to do everything I can to move on but it's still hard to realize & accept that I was so easily replaced & he doesn't seem to have regrets.


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## Shelly29

i can only imagine, i get those feelings of hurt too... like knowing he can easily move on to someone else... and forget all the time and love he gave to you....its hard... and i hope i can put this in the past for me and move on...because this limbo state is tough i tell ya!


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## Lazarus

52flower said:


> I resent that she so easily took my place & that they are having a good time together. 2 years is a long time. By now it appears it wasn't just a fling. I've been keeping busy & trying to do everything I can to move on but it's still hard to realize & accept that I was so easily replaced & he doesn't seem to have regrets.


If he has no regrets, why is he spending time away from OW emailing you and making you (the original principal partner) the OW? Ironic, huh?

Why not print his emails, pop them in the post addressed to his 2 year fling? 

It won't last. She will start to resent having him as a leech. He sounds like an abuser looking for a woman to fleece and provide for him. 

He's a loser but, he has stitched you up at a time in your life when you should be enjoying a reasonable standard of living. 
It's what abusers do. They abuse the very people who love and care for them because you believed you were with someone decent. 

His looks and charm will fade and when the hoodwinked women work out what's he's really like he'll end up a lonely old man. 

At the moment you think he's enjoying himself, but he isn't exactly since everytime he emails you he does the following:

1) He's thinking about you when with OW because he wants to write to you

2) He has to think about what he wants to say before sending the email. Depending on the topic it could be short or lengthy

3) He then has to wait on your response.

As for [email protected] It's just a marketing tool to make you think he's having a swell time. It's all photo pics and meaningless talk. How many photos have you put on a cheesy smile as the shutter went down?

Look, who believes [email protected]? I mean all these "friends" huh?

Internet dating. Hmm. Better to get interested in a hobby or art, culture or music opera and meet some real friends. The internet may work for some but if on the net, guaranteed future bows will be meeting many others (like cheating!) and competition.

Best to meet a decent man the old fashioned way. Forget the bars too. You don't want a repeat of your ex. do you?


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## oceanbreeze

my advice, change your telephone number. continue your personal activities. if you do date, please not through online connections. (safety first!) and yes, i understand your pain and hurts, but it is time to let him go for your sake, goodness of mind and heart. and i know you will have things going for you. you have a grad degree, independent: working 2 jobs, life skills, still young to find that right and perfect person for you. with someone else, you never know how blessed you could be!


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## carol

2 years is not long...even for an amiable breakup. I was married for 18 years and it took 5 years before I was feeling up to trying the dating scene. Spent that time looking after my kids, my job and myself. Lots of self-reflection and changes. Then, at 45, I started dating again and it was great for my ego. There are men out there looking for women of every age and size and description etc...And if you are happy with yourself, it won't matter if you find someone for the long term....you have yourself!


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## 52flower

Thanks for the positive words of optimism. I was trying to get through the divorce & financial situation without poking the giant and stayed in "friendly" contact with him until recently. It somewhat "worked" but it prolonged the grieving & detaching and in a sense I became the "OW". I stopped answering his emails & he's probably upset at me for my coldness. I can't go on feeling like I am the backup plan for his ego or in case he changes his mind. 

A few guys have become "friendly" at the gym but I notice I hesitate. I must be gun-shy and need to heal a bit more. Ocean is that what you meant by staying away from Online? My friends encourage me to try it, not with the goal of finding a mate but just to go out for companionship. Are you implying I need to be careful of falling hard & fast for a quick rebound? I've thought about that & I hope I don't do that.


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## stbxhmaybe

Same situation, but she decided to get divorced and although I understand that we were not good together now, I didn't throw the towel at the end.

We separated 15 months ago, haven't seen her since (she pretty much disappeared from my life) divorce finalized in August. What I have done so far is: moved out of the state, canceled my facebook account to avoid that what you mentioned about knowing about her new life, which is still too painful (opened another one with a slightly different name), traveled extensively, started learning a new language, met some very interesting and nice people, gone to therapy, read books about grieving, I run often, watch movies to make me feel better, I have followed EVERYTHING by the book...and still there are some days and specially nights that I feel soooo lonely and kind of desperate as you can imagine. 

I have accepted that this is a process that takes time, some say it takes half the time of the length of the relationship, for us was "short" compared to others, only 4 years, still it has been 15 months and I cannot say that I am good as new. Random things trigger memories, painful because I used to have a family, dreams together, love, company, hopes, intimacy. Although we didn't have kids together, I used to wonder how my children were going to look, pffff! yeah that's what I am taking about, wondering about what could've been, and in the end it is in the past. Lately, I have dreamed about her a lot, and honestly do not like it.

I went on a date for the first time in 15 months with this girl, not really my thing just yet and no connection  . On the other hand, I met a wonderful girl that I see often and developed a crush on, haven't been able to date her due to xyz reasons. I think it's a good sign though, I haven't felt this way in such a loooong time, wasn't even interested in having a relationship with someone but not anymore. I care for her, think about her, and when we see each other spend a great time together. It means this good ol' heart, although not yet cured, is still alive, still beating and is willing to love again


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## 52flower

You seem like a very thoughtful and caring man who doesn't take your relationship for granted. If she was wise enough to realize, appreciate, and value your commitment to her, she would be fighting to keep you in her life. I think you did the right thing and although you are going through the painful detachment, you seem to be making good strides. I feel I am getting there too, it just seems to be taking a long time compared to his quick moves onward. Is an empathetic caring personality a detriment? I think you made the right choice and I am happy to hear your heart still pitter patters. I hope she is deserving of you!


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## Unexpected Outlook

I know its often not well received gettin "advice" from some new person while you obviously are in pain but the one phrase that stuck out for me was when you said "he keeps contacting me". I had a buddy once (ironically while I was still married) who said that what he learned after his divorce was that no matter what the only person who you can be responsible for is you. There is nothing you can do to "change" or "control" anyone. 
That has been the most profound (simple though it seems) conversation to have ever had in retrospect because it keeps me from statements where you hand over all "active" statements to the other person. Your ex does not keep contacting you. *You keep letting him.* Unless there is some financial matter needing handling or discussion involving children you have together, cut him off . You will never heal from the relationship because you have never been out of it. You just got relegated to a different title.


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## stbxhmaybe

Thanks for your words 52flower  I hope you make all the right decisions to continue with this process of discovery and growth. It is hard, I know...

I need words of encouragement from time to time, this has been really hard to overcome. I didn't take any antidepressants and honestly don't now if I made the right choice because sometimes out of the sudden I get sad, for no reason (well no reason other than my divorce) but what I meant is a triggered reason. I am way better than at the beginning but still have a long way to go, work on, in order to become the man I used to be. 

I see flashes more often every day of the man that had such love for life, such passion, such will to live. In this new city nearly nobody knows about what I have gone through, I don't even mention my divorce because I don't see the point. A few people that I had met know about it and it's just because I felt really comfortable to open up that way and tell them the story of my life (these people are awesome by the way). 

Back in the other city, everybody knew and I felt that besides having a huge "D" stamped on the forehead, everybody treated me as if I was sick, felt pity about me, "oh there goes the poor divorced guy." Here is better in a way because for my new friends, I am just the new single guy that just moved here, but at the same time whenever I need a shoulder to cry on I don't have that many available haha.

About this girl, we are just friends, she is dating a jerk for what her friends tell me, and that's it. I am sorry for her, but if that makes her happy what the hell. I respect her, and I am not more than just a new person in her life, although deep inside every time I see her my heart jumps with excitement


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## 52flower

Unexpected, I agree it’s true that healing won’t happen without severing all ties. We have no children together but we do have a few critical financial hurdles to get through. His investments instigated audits and as a result, we have huge tax burdens to pay. He admitted it was his doing & said he would pay the totality however if he does not, I will most likely have my wages garnished. Also, I have improved the bad credit he left me with but I was advised to make sure these obligations are paid otherwise it is a huge hit & will tremendously lower my credit standing again. 

He is waiting for a supposed large repayment of money (that we invested together but went to his side in our divorce asset split). Once these tax bills are paid, we do not have anything that binds us. It amounts to about half of my yearly salary but what I may have to do is make payments and take care of it myself. This way I can sever ties, stop contact, and work on the job of trying to fill the holes in my heart. I need to do this to become healthy again. It’s been a long time & I want to get there. How amazing that a person’s selfish acts caused an avalanche of financial and emotional havoc.


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## 52flower

Stbxh, I have to admit I still have moments of depression (I think it's inherent with facing betrayal) but I, also, have not taken ADs. Just like you, I moved to another city 70 miles away but not necessarily by choice. I had no choice but to sell our house since he stopped providing anything toward payments & moved across the country. I now commute these miles since I still work where we used to live. It has helped, however, in that I don't have to face the places we shared full of memories. Everyone there knows the truth of his actions and 100% think he is a loser. I don't think you should feel there is a 'D" on your foreheard & that people think negatively about you (unless there is more to your story that I don't know). But I know it's hard.

I don't know if your new friend will work out into a serious relationship but if she provides fun diversion and companionship, I am happy for you. I hope the fun-loving spirited you comes back. You have faced much heart ache and deserve happiness. I hope someday it will happen for me too.


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## stbxhmaybe

Normally life hasn't been bad to me, on the contrary I feel very lucky of how things have turned out on my 28 yrs of existence. I have had so much happiness and I have accomplished nearly all of my goals, marriage not being one of them. 

My friend is awesome, if I will be able to keep it cool, I really do not know. I think too much about her, cupid really messed up with this one. I think she already knows how I feel, I mean come on I have invited her to go out already before I knew she was dating someone. 

I also hope at some point this f'ing cloud that sometimes is over our head goes away 52flower because I am so tired of feeling like this.


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## 52flower

I think it's fabulous that your heart is skipping a beat. Maybe it might add to he mystique if you try not show it too much yet. I know, easier said than done when you want to reach out & grab her! I just think it's good to keep her wondering & thinking about you. I haven't officially started dating yet. I've gone out for fun but although I'm working hard at it, I don't think I've done a good enough job of breaking away from the nightmare. I agree about the cloud but it seems like you are on your way. Good for you - I'll be rooting for you!


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## stbxhmaybe

Do you? I don't really know if it's fabulous or not though. I am surely attached to this girl in some way, I really care for her and to the point that I wish that this guy is worthy of her love and at the same time hope he is not and messes up everything. I have made myself unavailable and haven't seen her in nearly a week because I want to disappear for a while; I felt too much, I thought to much about her, I needed a rest...

It was hard though, she had me at hello, the moment I first saw her I knew she was special and my heart started pounding. I have had contact with some girls since my divorce, to the point that if I would've made an little effort, I could've ended up in a relationship, never felt like it, no chemistry. I have never been attracted to anybody like this since I fell in love with my ex. 

Like you, I don't know if I am ready to start dating either flower because like you said, breaking away from the nightmare has taken me 15 months and counting, and this crush has added even more heartache to my situation. I am also rooting for you  here, to find love but most importantly peace! cheers!


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## 52flower

Stbxh, I'm now getting where you're at. I think you are very tempted to try to get close to this woman but are afraid of getting hurt. As you describe your feelings, I can see my emotions go exactly where you are at. I think it's hard but you made a good choice to go incognito for a while just to sort your feelings out. If she's interested, she will make some gesture towards you. If not, your feelings might be bruised but you won't be slaughtered. You seem like a very nice guy & a great catch for a lucky lady. Wait for the best. You deserve it!


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## stbxhmaybe

Thank you for those words, whenever I feel like I need to express myself, and believe me I have done it a LOT specially with my friends to the point that I don't want to bother them anymore with the same story about not feeling complete over and over, I come here. 

I have seen a pattern, I think we heal at a different pace but the grieving process is mostly similar. You are right, I am scared sh!tless because I feel vulnerable, and it's weird. When I was married, I wished to divorce so many times after so many fights, but now I feel so lonely. My ex-wife is an awesome woman, she really loved me in her on way, we were not compatible that's for sure but she really loved me. I am sure that we will always remember about each other kindly aside from all the issues we had, why? because like you said, we both are very nice people and great catches. 

Now, I feel sometimes that it will be hard to find that kind of love. It will happen until it happens I am sure, it's just that I feel bad right now because it didn't happen with the first person I truly kinda fell in love after so many months of not feeling anything.

You also deserve to be happy, everybody deserves to be happy and to find love. Let's just give it time to time itself


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## Scannerguard

It's funny. . .tommorrow marks the 2 years separation anniversary for my ex-wife and I.

I noticed the other day I was feeling pretty normal. . .even as she tries to take me back to court and subpeana tax records and continue to heighten further acrimony.

Remember the movie "A Beautiful Mind?"

To cope with his mental illness, he sort of brings his "hallucinations" along with him and places them in teh back of the room with him at all times. They are there when he's accepting the Nobel Prize?

That's what it has kind of morphed into with me.

It's like the divorce with me. . .I have these memories and she still walks around my life. . .and there is that pain associated with it all. . .but my mind has kind of learned to move her to "teh back of the room" and I am pretty functional and yes, more happy in the scheme of things.

They were right when they said it would take about 2 years.


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## 52flower

"The back of the room" sounds like a good mental coping mechanism. When I'm doing something quiet..tidying up, driving, cooking, I find my mind wandering to the good times, the wonderful loving man I was with for so many years. I forget the man who said "I had my chance to make him happy & not it's hers". I'll have to find the back of the room or I will waste too many more hours thinking of the illusion of our relationship.

The process of divorce often brings out selfish aggressive personalities that we never knew of. I'm sorry you are in the midst of it & hope it passes without too much loss. How funny you should bring up that movie. Sometimes, his words made me wonder if he was insane (I know sometimes I felt like it!). He seemed so out of control & lost. It sounds like you are working your way out of the deep cave, Scannerguard. I'm happy for you and hope you see more and more light as you crawl out. 

Stbxh, even if I haven't met you I think you're a great guy. I have a feeling that a wonderful someone is going to find you & know she has a gem that should be cherished! I'll hang in there if you promise to too!


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## stbxhmaybe

the back room strategy sometimes works, sometimes it doesn't. I honestly do not know if once I have a significant other, I will stop missing my marriage. What's true is that now my conscious tells my unconscious to stop thinking about the past, because it's that just the past. 

Thanks! that's what people say, that I am a great guy, only if I could find a great girl be with instead of finding many nice girls to befriend haha. I promise to hang in there flower, there is no other choice than to hang in there and wait until the storm passes


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## 52flower

I have not seen him for 5 months. Emails have been sporadic and mostly about the audit taxes that have high priority to be paid in order to avoid action. He seems smug that I will be here for him still but much less reaching out. I have not responded with emotional talk.

He came from across the country, 2 days ago to do some work. He wanted to have dinner together to talk about the finances. I agreed, thinking I was way beyond caring and that friendship was possible. He alluded to coming back so I told him that I respected his choice to be with someone else and the damage was too great. I said I would like to get to forgiving, but that reconciling would be too big of a task I don't think he thought I meant it as I have never stood up to him. But I was very honest, objective, and said in a caring way, that I did not want to be someone who was trying to convince him to reconcile & he made the decision 2 years ago to end our marriage.

He wrote me an email saying how much he still loved me. I wrote back & stood my ground, again in a loving way. He is angry for being rejected (!) and won't have anything to do with me. I am disappointed in myself for being affected by him still. Does the aftermath of abuse last this long? I was doing much better and thought I would be fine but it has thrown me back into feeling that I did something wrong to him & feeling bad about losing our marriage. After reading the threads, I was so sure I had my head together....I am so disappointed in myself.


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## Jellybeans

52,
Your ex is such a tool. He is a joke of a man.
I am glad you told him what is what. I would NOT have gone to dinner with him but well it's in the past now. 
Don't respond to his emails or agree to meeting with him again.
He sucks. 

You will NEVER get over him as long as you're still in contact with him. KNOW that.

Everytime you stay in touch with him, agree to meet him, he is smiling cause he knows he still has you i his back pocket to pull out for use whenever he feels like it.

It's sick.

Stop playing his game.


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## 52flower

I know, I know. So help me understand why I'm not able to be strong like others? He's done all of these bad things. Why don't I brush him off like so many of you can..consistent, steady, & strong, never second thoughts or looking back. Am I afraid of losing his contact in my life?? I wrote nice words to him - that he made a choice for himself & I hope he will be happy and that I needed to move on for me which would be better for both of us. When he gets silent, he makes me want to reach out to make sure he is OK & fix it if he is mad. So the solution to gaining my happy self back is not to communicate ever again?


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## Jellybeans

Why aren't you strong?

Because you're still engaging him. Because you haven't truly let him go. You are your own worst enemy.

He feeds you the bait and you bite almost everytime.

You may have self-esteem issues and think that you deserve to be treated poorly. Or maybe you still *hope* he'll turn into a great man (something he totally isn't).

No contact means no contact beyond co-parenting with him. He has shown you over and over again who is he is. When I read your posts, I envision a defeated woman who doesn't believe in herself and thinks she deserves to be second best, to be walked on, to be a doormat. A woman who doesn't know her worth. It's sad. 

Prove me wrong. Delete him from your life by going no contact. You can do it. You just choose not to. To the detriment of your own health/well-being.


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## onceagain

I am so sorry for how you feel. I hope I am strong enough to let go soon but I think I'll be in your shoes 2 years from now as well. As far as online dating, my mom just got married last weekend to a nice man she met on Match.com. She's 62 if that makes you feel any better. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. It's your choice now.


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## VeryHurt

52 ~

It is tough letting go even though they have been cruel to you. My husband contacted me again today and it was difficult to brush him off but I did. We have been controlled for a long time and it is going to take time to undo what is now second nature to us. 

Very Hurt


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## 52flower

VH we have some similarities. I agree it's hard to break off but I'm not sure if it's because of insecurities, loss of familiarity, or that we still love the guy we thought he was. Either way, it's not helping us stand strong. Lots of emotion & energy that we are only we are wasting, not them.

Once again-thank you. I don't know your situation but I hope it's over and done (not prolonged agony) one way or another.

JB - I know I must frustrate you. I wish I had your personality of absolute choices & action. I am outgoing, positive, confident & have good self-esteem everywhere else in my life but I've always been a different person around him, more reserved while he was the "voice" that others heard. I always tried to communicate my opinions & feelings but now I see both outwardly & subtly, he had a lot of control. I spent a lot of energy trying to make him happy & he downplayed who I was. He liked it that way. 

You're right tho - without him, people have said I have my sparkle & perkiness back. We have our tax audit obligation that we're waiting judgment on so that we can pay. I'll have to agree on the payment but that may take another 1/2 year to hear the final on. I have only responded with objective answers, no responses on emotional issues.

On the one hand, not knowing him anymore after 17 years seems odd but on the other hand, he has treated me poorly so no loss. 
Other than that last item, I'll do it - no contact.


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## Jellybeans

52flower said:


> VH we have some similarities. I agree it's hard to break off but I'm not sure if it's because of insecurities, loss of familiarity, or that we still love the guy we thought he was. Either way, it's not helping us stand strong. Lots of emotion & energy that we are only we are wasting, not them.
> 
> Once again-thank you. I don't know your situation but I hope it's over and done (not prolonged agony) one way or another.
> 
> JB - I know I must frustrate you. I wish I had your personality of absolute choices & action. I am outgoing, positive, confident & have good self-esteem everywhere else in my life but I've always been a different person around him, more reserved while he was the "voice" that others heard. I always tried to communicate my opinions & feelings but now I see both outwardly & subtly, he had a lot of control. I spent a lot of energy trying to make him happy & he downplayed who I was. He liked it that way.


You don't frustrate me. I just want you to see that you are worth more than what you give yourself credit for. Your ex-husband is a d*uchebag and doesn't deserve anything from you. Believe me, I have my ups and downs too but I know enough to let sleeping dogs lie. I know that people show who they truly are through their actions. Your ex hasn't changed at all. You're a star. He's a dud. Never forget that.


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## 52flower

JellyB, I gave myself 2 weeks of not responding to him and I owe you a thank you for challenging me to do this. Today is my birthday, the 4th one he has not shared with me and although I am spending it alone, I'm OK! Still working on me but it was a bit boost in breaking an unhealthy cycle when I was so stuck. I've read your responses and you have amazing fortitude & insight. This time I was the lucky recipient of your wisdom!:smthumbup::toast:


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