# Totally Alone



## strawberryblonde (Mar 11, 2012)

My Husband has left me. We've been together for 13 years and married for 9 years. We have 2 Daughters, aged 4yrs and 6yrs. It all started in 2010 when we started to care for his Niece, via an agreement with Social Services. She came to us at 10 weeks old and I took 4 months, unpaid leave, from work. In the meantime I did 99% of the care and my Husband continued to work adn play pool. He never gave anything up or helped, this maybe my fault as I never asked him to. After 16 months and reading many reports etc, I realised that she was not going to be returned to her parents, after 2 weeks of deliberating I reached the decision that I could no longer care for her and she would need to be placed with another family member. My Husband went along with this, but never really accepted it.
Two weeks after his Niece was moved he said he felt like he was grieving for a loss. Bearing in mind we still had our own children.
My Husband then started a diet, and rapidly lost 5 stone in 12 weeks, by drinking shakes. He then said lots of ladies were starting to notice him. All the time we were together he was a big man, but happy. Now he is thin, but looks ill, And suddenly spends alot of time looking in the mirror, and has gone onto loose a further stone.
In November he started to ignore me, but was ok with our Daughters and everyone else outside of our home. We had a good Christmas, we were together in everyway. Two weeks after christmas he asked if I'd arranged for marriage councelling, I was shocked, but went ahead and arranged this. We managed 2 sessions, before I made the decision not to go as the Counsellor was spending lots of time talking with my Husband and apoligising to me. After the first session we were close, but after the second session we were hardly talking. Everything got worse at home, he totally shut me out and would only 'grunt' or say 'yes' or 'no' to questions and spent alot of time out in the evenings, whilst I was at home.
Three weeks ago my husband moved out, stating he needed to sort his head out, but felt that he didn't love me anymore. He'd also been to see a Brain Injury Team and told them he didn't love me. He said they told him that once the love is gone there is nothing you can do - so my Husband chose to accept this decision.
10 days after moving out he tells me 'we're over and he has feelings for someone else'. I even knew her name as she's always texting him and messaging him on facebook. He went running to her when he couldn't cope, instead of me and now he's living with her.
I'm so mixed up with raw emotion, I still love him but hate him for all the lives he's destroying, not just his own. I feel like he has just slapped me across the face as I can't understand how he can suddenly have feelings for someone else, when we were together for so long.
I'm not sleeping, and on medication, but I'm trying to keep it together for our Daughters. I am shocked that he can do this, but still love him. I'm so unhappy and frustrated with the whole situation as everything I have done is to help him.
What are the chances of him coming back?


----------



## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I am so sorry you are going through this. I too am suffering the heartache of my H leaving me for another woman. I feel your pain.
I'm sorry I'm not in much of a position to give out advice at the moment but just remember you are not alone.
We are here for you
And NOTHING is more precious than the love between you and your children. 
Take care
DG
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

What a tough story you have. I'm a man going through the same thing and it is awful. What i notice about your post is that you key on hating him and loving him at the same time. I can really relate to this. My STBX is still my dream, my love, and our family is my everything. But here's the thing I'm starting to get... She doesn't care. 

It is unfathomable that these people we have dedicated our lives to can so easily toss us but for whatever reason, they have moved on. I see so many times on this forum where people have gotten better and they say things like, "you can't make someone love you" or "they have moved on, you should to" While this type of advice frustrates me, I'm learning that the people who say this get it. They have been where we are and see things clearly for what they are. My W does not love me any more and loves someone else. It HURTS LIKE HELL but you have what I have, beautiful children. You're only choice is to dedicate your life to them and yourself.

I so completely understand your pain. I'm sad, I'm scared, I'm lonely. BUT, my kids need me and your kids need you. That will get you through this.

As for the chances of him coming back, you've got to let that go. Sure, do what I did and scour the internet looking for how to win them back, read about 180, find statistics, etc. but ultimately you will find that most do not come back. It sucks and even to this day 2.5 months since she started sleeping with someone else I wish she would come back. This is not a healthy way to live. As we sit around praying that they will come back to us, they are living their new life. 

If they come back to us one day and our families can be restored, wonderful. But you CANNOT live hoping that will happen.

Best of luck to you. This is the most painful thing imaginable but you have to believe that you will survive and based on many people's great advice on this forum, you will even be happy again. Spend lots of time here, it will help you.


----------

