# bedroom talk has left me feeling awful



## uncertain- (Dec 26, 2016)

Am i finding another issue with our relationship when there isnt one?

My partner and i have always had a very active for-filling sex life. We have daily or twice daily sex. if we don't he mastubates so Im thinking HD. We do a lot of fantisy talk as well. Im just wondering if a lot of men or at least straight men express desire when they are really turned on to have another man penetrate them? I know he plays with his g spot and I get that, but Im feeling a bit uncertain that this isnt somthing more? 

If you are a guy does this ring like a hetro fantasy or real desires to be with a man?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

uncertain- said:


> Am i finding another issue with our relationship when there isnt one?
> 
> My partner and i have always had a very active for-filling sex life. We have daily or twice daily sex. if we don't he mastubates so Im thinking HD. We do a lot of fantisy talk as well. *Im just wondering if a lot of men or at least straight men express desire when they are really turned on to have another man penetrate them*? I know he plays with his g spot and I get that, but Im feeling a bit uncertain that this isnt somthing more?
> 
> If you are a guy does this ring like a hetro fantasy or real desires to be with a man?


I'm not sure about the bolded part. In my select sample size of previous partners, it's not something I've heard of, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happened. That being said, rear entry can provide a lot of pleasure in terms of stimulating the prostate, and there are a lot of nerve endings back there that can feel really good when stimulated.

Have the two of you ever discussed you using a strap-on on him? He might really enjoy that. He may not necessarily be looking for a male partner, he may just want the penetration part, and if you can provide that for him, it might be all good.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I don't think a lot of straight men do. And, if they did, they would not usually express that desire to any of their male friends.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Anal play is one thing and doesn't make anyone gay. 

Expressing a desire to have a man penetrate him while in the heat of the moment with his wife? Well I'm thinking he's at least bi/curious.

Kind of weird. It's like being at dinner - "OMG this steak is so delicious - I wish I had some chicken!!" Doesn't make much sense. To me anyway.



I can tell you it's not something I've ever thought about while being turned on in bed with my wife. 

Or any other time for that matter but I don't judge.


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## uncertain- (Dec 26, 2016)

I don't want to judge him for this, it takes a lot of trust to be open with these things. Im just curious and maybe a bit worried that he would try it if he gets the opertunity or mabe he has? He is a bit kurt Cobainish if you know what i mean.

He has been known at social gatherings to say that everyone is bi sexual to a degree its a sliding scale but some people are afraid to admit it. I have then noticed that the other husbands kind of shun him a little after that.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

My wife has done some....uh hmmm..interesting things during BJs....but

Having some dude penetrate me...no, i can honestly say that thought is not a pleasant one nor something i would be interested in. I dont know that it makes him gay or bi...maybe just really curious...maybe just some kind if fantasy thing...

You could always get some kind of enormously oversized strapon...think 16"...maybe with the thickness of a chunky soup can....put it on and gage his reaction...


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

uncertain- said:


> Am i finding another issue with our relationship when there isnt one?
> 
> My partner and i have always had a very active for-filling sex life. We have daily or twice daily sex. if we don't he mastubates so Im thinking HD. We do a lot of fantisy talk as well. Im just wondering if a lot of men or at least straight men express desire when they are really turned on to have another man penetrate them? I know he plays with his g spot and I get that, but Im feeling a bit uncertain that this isnt somthing more?
> 
> If you are a guy does this ring like a hetro fantasy or real desires to be with a man?


Fantasies is another area in which all men and women are unique. I think that it is very possible that while your husband has this occasional fantasy, he would be repulsed to do it in real life.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

uncertain- said:


> Am i finding another issue with our relationship when there isnt one?
> 
> My partner and i have always had a very active for-filling sex life. We have daily or twice daily sex. if we don't he mastubates so Im thinking HD. We do a lot of fantisy talk as well. Im just wondering if a lot of men or at least straight men express desire when they are really turned on to have another man penetrate them? I know he plays with his g spot and I get that, but Im feeling a bit uncertain that this isnt somthing more?
> 
> If you are a guy does this ring like a hetro fantasy or real desires to be with a man?


I have known a lot of gay and bisexual people in my life and have shared apts and houses with both gay men and lesbian women.I would bet you anything you want that your husband has "experimented" with anal penetration,at the very least a butt plug or a dildo but I wouldn't be surprised if he is a closet bi.Try suggesting that you buy some toys to have fun with and you may be surprised at the answer.
I will offer this advice though,unless you are prepared to lose him do not agree to any mfm action,he will eventually resent you.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

As long as he understands that he has voluntarily restricted his sexual partners to one woman. Everything else is a fantasy. 
There is a difference between desire for penetration, and sexual attraction to men. I know that that is confusing. His expressed fantasy seems to indicate that he has both.
I find in my own history that I tend to be most sexually attracted to people who are physically like the woman I am in love with. it's not instant or 100% but something that builds over time. At least with people who have a need for emotional connection before sex. 
The fantasy has worried you. It is still healthy that he has shared it with you. it helps you to understand him better, and it is an intimate secret that you share. A huge rejection on your part at this juncture may reduce further sharing. I vote to improve communication, but that also means that you need to share your true feelings on this. for example, "I'm not comfortable with bringing another person into our sex life. or "I'd prefer if you could do that with me." or if this is the case, "I don't like thinking about Anal sex in any way." Truth in a non judgmental way. Never, "you are sick." or, " you just want another partner". 
Sorry for rambling.


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## uncertain- (Dec 26, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> I have known a lot of gay and bisexual people in my life and have shared apts and houses with both gay men and lesbian women.I would bet you anything you want that your husband has "experimented" with anal penetration, at the very least a butt plug or a dildo but I wouldn't be surprised if he is a closet bi.Try suggesting that you buy some toys to have fun with and you may be surprised at the answer.
> I will offer this advice though,unless you are prepared to lose him do not agree to any mfm action,he will eventually resent you.


Thanks Andy, he has one of my old vibrators that he uses on himself. He has been stimulating with something in this way for many years. He is quite open to talk about it. He uses it when I'm not around and he gets really aroused when self-stimulating. He said he likes the feeling of the fullness. He watches straight porn when using it. I think he is curious about how an actual re-life penis would feel with all that goes with that. He said he is not interested in men kissing etc bu if he was really turned on he may be tempted to give oral. he said that he is attracted to women not men though.

When we weren't together he dressed in womens clothes to go out with friends to a pub for a laugh and to see what attention he got, his friends were not dressed up.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

No I don't think many "straight men" suggest this because they wouldn't be straight then.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Fantasy and reality are very different things. Some men may fantasize about being with other men by have no more real desire do actually do so than people with rape fantasies have about being actually raped. 

If you can talk to him openly, find out what he wants. Maybe his fantasy about men is actually about being dominated? He wants you to dominate and use a strap-on on him? Maybe its just about anal stimulation. Maybe its idle curiosity, but nothing he really wants. Maybe he really is interested.

Now even if he is really interested, that doesn't mean he will cheat. I'm interested in a number of women other than my wife, but that doesn't mean that I should or will have sex with them.


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## uncertain- (Dec 26, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Fantasy and reality are very different things. Some men may fantasize about being with other men by have no more real desire do actually do so than people with rape fantasies have about being actually raped.
> 
> If you can talk to him openly, find out what he wants. Maybe his fantasy about men is actually about being dominated? He wants you to dominate and use a strap-on on him? Maybe its just about anal stimulation. Maybe its idle curiosity, but nothing he really wants. Maybe he really is interested.
> 
> Now even if he is really interested, that doesn't mean he will cheat. I'm interested in a number of women other than my wife, but that doesn't mean that I should or will have sex with them.


Thank you uhtred, I really appreciate your words.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

If he's fantasizing about being penetrated by other guys then he's bi or gay there's really no room for interpretation here.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

@uncertain-

I will chime in on a couple points.

First off, the comment about all people being bi to a degree is something that I think he is getting from the Kinsey studies where it was proposed that all people fall into a scale of sexuality where one side is devotedly straight and the opposite side devotedly gay. Kinsey hypothesized that almost all people fell somewhere in between with some latent bisexual interests either conscience or unconscious. I believe to a degree that there is some validity to this but I'm sure you would get a great deal of argument to this as most people become very uncomfortable with having their sexuality challenged.

There is a cultural issue here that puts men at a pretty guarded position when it comes to sexuality. While some degree of bisexuality is generally encouraged and often celebrated in women, men are still ostracized in society for the same behavior, this is why men get very defensive if you suggest they are anything short of the axe wielding lumberjack type of a man. If you don't believe me do an experiment. Go to a bar. If two perfectly straight women are in the bar getting ignored and they want attention all they have to do is make a spectacle of themselves flirting with each other. If the two of them get up in front of a group of people and start kissing half the bar is going to be going wild and cheer them on. Now if two guys were to repeat the performance chances are pretty good they are getting beat up, that's why they have gay bars, so they can feel safer. 

Now as far as the rest goes. as other posters have suggested see if he has an interest in Pegging, Its a pretty common thing and it may be all he needs to satisfy the itch. It could be a domination/submission thing or maybe it just feels good. Biology played a mean trick on men because it went and put a mans g spot in a place that men aren't supposed to have any interest in stimulating. The trouble is that a great many men can have an orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. The thing is though, that most men would never admit to it for fear of being perceived as gay and then others still, simply have no interest because they don't think it feels good at all, to each their own. Just be glad that you have the kind of relationship with your spouse that he feels safe telling you about his desires, this is rare indeed and you don't want to jeopardize that. 

good luck.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If he enjoys sex with the OP, he isn't gay. 

He might be bi - depends on your definition. Is any woman who has fantasized about being with another woman bi? Or who kissed on at a party when drunk? 

I don't think the labels matter in the slightest. What matters is:

Is he happy being intimate with the OP. I think the answer is "yes". 

Is he going to cheat? Even if is bi, by some definition, that doesn't make it any more likely that if he were completely straight. Just changes who he would cheat with.

I think there is a good chance that the OP can find ways to play to his fantasy / kink that might keep him completely happy and would be fine with the OP. That is something they need to talk about to find out if there are things that they would both enjoy.

Yes, he could be mostly gay and planning to cheat or already cheating. He could be cheating with other women. He could be a serial rapist. Unless there is specific reason to be suspicious though, those are just the normal risks that everyone takes in a relationship. 







browser said:


> If he's fantasizing about being penetrated by other guys then he's bi or gay there's really no room for interpretation here.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...2050-what-should-i-do-here-advise-please.html

It appears you are working on many other issues beyond his bedroom fantasies.

Hoping things work out for you and your family.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

That has never even come close to bedroom talk or the heat of the moment. 

He might be bi or in the closet. Look up some other post on here where years into the marriage, the husband or wife cheats with the same sex.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Aw hell naw!!!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

uncertain- said:


> Am i finding another issue with our relationship when there isnt one?
> 
> My partner and i have always had a very active for-filling sex life. We have daily or twice daily sex. if we don't he mastubates so Im thinking HD. We do a lot of fantisy talk as well. Im just wondering if a lot of men or at least straight men express desire when they are really turned on to have another man penetrate them? I know he plays with his g spot and I get that, but Im feeling a bit uncertain that this isnt somthing more?
> 
> If you are a guy does this ring like a hetro fantasy or real desires to be with a man?


This one doesn't AT ALL.

However does it matter assuming he is not going to cheat.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Well done OP for tackling this senstively with him...you're so right not to judge him...but I do understand your concerns.

I can tell you one thing for sure - I have a gay brother and a straight brother. There is NO way in he!l that the straight one would EVER give oral, penetrate another male or allow one to penetrate him. No way.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

No question he's bi

I am pretty open minded but giving a bj or taking a guy would never be a thought.

Prostate play can be done if you press your knuckle near the taint after arousing him - good for a bi or hj


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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