# How does your wife/spouse have your back?



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

If that's important to you, what does that mean and look like?

How do you feel that your spouse has your back? Or in what ways would you like them to, if you feel they don't?

While I'm intending this for Clubhouse responses, ladies if you have a sense of me by now, you know that I welcome you to jump in too and answer in whichever way you'd like. The chesterfield lounges are comfy up in here.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

this has the sound of Suits to it , where they say we are family , I HAVE YOUR BACK 

We work together , we play together , there is no role in our life that is looked on as woman's work or man's work, inside and outside of the house , 
so if that is having your back then that is what we do ,


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I have loyalty to principles, not individuals. My spouse has great principles, so I am loyal to her. If the first changes, so will the second. It seems the feeling is mutual.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

While I don't have the back of someone who betrays principles, I do for someone who has setbacks. 
From one of the few love songs that mentions this:
"And if you break down , I will remind you, Ohh of what you were yesterday.
You can break down, I'll be behind you..................."

Snipped the lyrics that contain the song's title in case people want to guess. It cracked the top 20 in the 80's.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

heartsbeating said:


> (1) If that's important to you, what does that mean and look like?
> 
> How do you feel that your spouse has your back?
> 
> ...


(1) When and if, I was taken to a hospital in an ambulance, my wife has always been then for me. Helping me get home. Making sure I had the things I needed to recuperate. Being there to emotionally and physically support me during recovery. 

She has also been financially responsible. She has been morally responsible to her marriage vows in not cheating. I know that I can count on her to keep the home and family organized and running well. I also help with these things, but she is the one who seems to thrive on them. If I need to do something unexpectedly at work for a client, she is tolerant to a change in our plans.

Not only is she someone I love, respect, and cherish, but she also is a great partner, companion, playmate, and equal.

(2) I wish her sexual desire for me was more or at least that she would provide me the illusion that she sexually desired me more. I know she "loves" me in her own way and that I am very important to her. She just has a very LD libido and little interest in sex of any kind and an absolute refusal to any but a small list of sexual things. We have worked with a sex therapist and marriage counselors to help save our marriage. We have even worked together reading and discussion chapters in relationship books. In Scharch's book Intimacy and Desire the author even provided intimacy/desire building exercises that couples could do. My wife said absolutely not to any of them. The eyes open extended kiss was too intimidating to her and she feels that oral sex is disgusting.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

I'll keep this simple. I've always felt if you have someone, anyone in your life, not even necessarily a romantic interest, that makes you happy, you should try and do everything you can to try and make them happier.

I never said this to her, but I've always felt my happiness was more important to her than her own.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

She has always prioritized our lifelong partnership, endeavors, and adventures. Together, that's how she has my back.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I know what it means, I haven’t know it for so long I forgot what it felt like.


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## korkster (Jul 12, 2021)

My wife (then girlfriend) and I had been together for 8 months or so. We were seated at a table with one of her ex-boyfriends of 4 years. We arrived and as soon as we got there, she was gone. She saw someone she hadn't seen in a while and left me at the table, uncomfortable, with her ex. She gave no consideration to the environment or my discomfort. Wasn't even aware, clueless. While that's not a big deal, I was young (18) and it was a feeling of abandonment. This type of behaviour has persisted, but in different ways.

Fast forward to today, If she's at work, but I I'm having an issue with the kids and school, she'll remind me that "she's done her lunch in 5 minutes" as her immediate priority is her job. Not because it's more important than her family, but because she's being paid to be at work. She's very much "by the rules."

I feel that my wife lives by her set of principals and as long as I'm aligned to them, then she will "have my back" within those principals. But I suspect that if I was on trial for a crime I was innocent of, she's have more of a "guilty until proven innocent" than "innocent until proven guilty" stance...


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Yes. 
We have a variety of issues, and disagreements, but I'm sure that for something that really mattered, she would help me, as I would her.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

anchorwatch said:


> She has always prioritized


Being in the top 5 of her priorities would be a significant improvement.
Sorry @heartsbeating I can't remember what that feels like.
I thought @Young at Heart 's hospital example was illuminating. I had to schedule a routine cancer screening on her regular day off. I hope she remembers to pick me up after.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Mr. Nail said:


> Being in the top 5 of her priorities would be a significant improvement.
> Sorry @heartsbeating I can't remember what that feels like.
> I thought @Young at Heart 's hospital example was illuminating. I had to schedule a routine cancer screening on her regular day off. I hope she remembers to pick me up after.


I hope your screening comes back all fine. And that she remembers to pick you up. Any chance you can put it in a shared calendar, remind her on the day? 

It's interesting reading the responses so far. Demonstrating your spouse is a priority, and shared or understood principles.


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