# Repeated Infidilities - help!!



## tyrant (Mar 29, 2009)

Hi dudes & babes

I am facing one of the most depressing issue dat probably all of you haf faced or are facing..I am deliverating a divorce. we have been married for 6.5yrs..have 2 luvable kids age 5 and 2.

after i gave birth to my 2nd kid...2 years back..i found out that my hubby was seeing a pub waitress..they exchange sms...about loving each other..and i later found dat they haf also kissed each other. i was so angry but i took the ownership and went down to looked for the girl..she was there to earn a living and the "love" wasn't for long. and i spoke to the pub owner (who was a fren of ours and asked him to stop asking my hubby to frequent his pub). hubby was remorseful and i took him back..

2nd time happened 9 months ago..i found another girl texting him..asking if he's coming to find her...again..its another pub waitress..i went crazy and scratched him till he bled badly..i informed his mum..who couldn't care less..he stayed at his mum's place for 1 week..i was crying buckets for the entire week..he was stalking me and the kids..driving to our house every morning so dat he can send me to work and bk home...i moved..and i let him bk wif open arms..he promised dat he will not drink anymore

5 days ago..the same thing happen...with another pub waitress dat he juz got to know in the afternoon..and he wanted to go out wif her and his gang...but lied to me dat it was a business meet...but fell asleep...i haf nvr figured out blackberry...but instinctively..i went to check his phone..and saw another 2 sms..."dear, are you coming down? if you are not..let me know, then i wun wait"

i sent him straight to the door..after beating him up..and calmly spoke for 2 hours..he say, he would haf felt guilty if i haf treated him nicer and allowed him to go out!!...

i know dat i have been a tyrant throughout these 2 years becoz bills went unpaid..we have hell lot of debts and i have been paying for him. every morning i gave him hell like shouting at him about his bills and debts and to some extent put him down. for the fact that i am earning for the family. but this is not an excuse to look for someone else right? we have discussed it so many times that we promised to be truthful..

he's attractive but so am I...but if i can keep faithful, why does he flirt wif every single girl he come across....

i know deep inside the kids luv him..and i know he luv the kids..and me as well..and so do i...but why does it happen again and again...he dun seem remorseful or sad this time..he juz stayed out of my life for now...or the past 5 days..

pls advice....tell me what are my chances??


----------



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

It sounds like he has a drinking problem, if so he needs to get help for that before things can be worked out. Also you call yourself a tyrant. If this is true, who wants to be married to a tyrant. Does he not work or try to get a job, is that the issue? Or is he working or trying and you berate him? If he is trying, don't berate him, you are driving him away. If he is being lazy, then why do you want to stay married to him if he's a deadbeat. He sounds like a serial cheater but it also sounds like lots of issues here. 

I really think the two of you must have counseling. First off, he needs to stay away from pubs. Perhaps he should try AA. That would fix two problems! If he's an alcoholic and unwilling to get help, move on. You will continue to frustrate yourself. If he wants help, support him. Second the physical contact is scary. Do your kids see this? You can't take it out like this, you need to seek counseling as well. This is unhealthy and no one deserves to be physically abused. STOP! Make some changes in yourself. Stop berating him because you are the key support. If he's willing and able, support him in finding a job if he doesn't have one. Encourage him. It sounds like this relationship is dysfunctional on both sides. Fix your side then work on the marriage.


----------



## tyrant (Mar 29, 2009)

azmom,

thanks for your reply..yes..we are scheduled for counselling tomorrow. hopefully it will help to give us more insights about our relationship..did i mentioned my hb grew up in a thrashy family.

i juz cannot understand why is there NO SINCERE REMORSE that i can felt...its about him being very stress...every single time..he promise me..."you dun chase me outta the house..coz when our kids are sick..when they need me..i can be there for them..and i lurve you and the kids more than anything else. i can give up everything except 3 of you.." and i will give in..

he admitted totally dat its his fault..the debts and the womanizing..but what i cannot comprehend is...if you know it hurts your family...why even give your number to the OWs freely.

the only thing is before anything physical can happen. i always find out. so there was no sex involve. but when i asked him..if i haven found out...would ANYTHING haf happened? he couln't answer...

i like any other woman, try to justify and ask him..whats wrong wif me? he say nothing...nothing wrong at all..besides my nagging..there is simply nothing wrong wif me?!?! 

i suspect that he have some personality disorder, coz he is constantly seeking for attention, but he is nvr abusive physically or verbally to me.

how truthful can that be..????


----------

