# All about HIM!



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

My H is an ass. I know he's an ass and I wonder why I continually get disappointed by him.
I had surgery Tuesday. He came 3 times to pick me up based on their rough estimate as to when I'd be ready. I told him I'd call when ready, but no - he is annoyed he came 3 times to get me. He explains that as a large part of the 'story' of my surgery when people ask how it went.
Today I spent 5 1/2 hours in the ER due to coughing up blood. The main story today is how he stayed up with our 2 kids while I was being cared for.
I'm sorry - when does this get to be about me?
He is now sleeping and I am up, having to lift our 25 pound toddler because it's all about him.
Sometimes I really hate him 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I'd kick him but, I'm a crazy ass BPD'er.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I truly hope you are okay. Coughing up blood would seriously "tweak" me out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. I'm so sorry you aren't getting the rest you need after surgery.

Those stories would be annoying too. I'd call him on it, but that's just me. I'd also park my ass in bed and tell him to deal with the kids and if he didn't, then you'd have loud kids and a messy house. he's a dad.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

pidge70 said:


> I truly hope you are okay. Coughing up blood would seriously "tweak" me out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I got x-rayed and they figure either foreign matter got in my lungs when the tube went in or there was trauma during the intubation. No clots or internal bleeding but ya, it freaked me out!  Thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

that_girl said:


> Wow. I'm so sorry you aren't getting the rest you need after surgery.
> 
> Those stories would be annoying too. I'd call him on it, but that's just me. I'd also park my ass in bed and tell him to deal with the kids and if he didn't, then you'd have loud kids and a messy house. he's a dad.


Oh he showed proper care and concern. He took off the night shift the day of my surgery, and texted to follow how I was doing while at doctor and in the ER. I spoke with his dad who brought it up to me that H seems annoyed that some attention is on me right now. He had same surgery 2 years ago and took 6 week recovery. I just ask for a week.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Don't exactly understand why you're telling us and not him. Actually, I don't understand why you have such a thing to complain about. Why did you not go to bed when you got home and told him he had to watch the kid(s)? Or, why are you angry and complaining here, rather than making him get up? I realize you are upset and feeling neglected by him being so inconsiderate and selfish, but you can deal with all that later (talking, counseling, whatever). Right now, you need time to rest and recover, so set your pissed off butt aside and get your sick butt in bed.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

River1977 said:


> Don't exactly understand why you're telling us and not him. Actually, I don't understand why you have such a thing to complain about. Why did you not go to bed when you got home and told him he had to watch the kid(s)? Or, why are you angry and complaining here, rather than making him get up? I realize you are upset and feeling neglected by him being so inconsiderate and selfish, but you can deal with all that later (talking, counseling, whatever). Right now, you need time to rest and recover, so set your pissed off butt aside and get your sick butt in bed.


I tried. He's conked out right now. He honestly believes he supportive. According to him, I'm selfish. According to him, I'm mean and making fun of him when I point out how I allowed him his recovery and he is not allowing me mine. He actually said I should have put my surgery off for a few years until the boys were older. Meanwhile, I doubled over in agony with gallbladder attacks a few times a week. I hiked off to bed. He joined me and brought both boys in the room too. He proceeded to fall asleep with the older boy. The younger one wasn't ready to sleep and I was the one up.
While it sounds like 'complaining', it's a sad realization that I'm only as good as what I do or give. It's the fear that if the chips were down and I had some horrible disease like cancer, I could not count on him. It's the realization that this is probably over. I can look after myself. I have adult kids that will step in. But I show more concern for the stranger lady in the hospital than he shows for me. I can demand my way to rest, but I can't make him give a sh!t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

I feel for you honey!! And it really sucks that your husband is more into himself than worrying about you.

Every woman wants to feel protected by her husband whether she's sick in bed with the flu...or as sick as your are....and your husband just isn't there for either of them.

I'd be angry also, but right now this needs to be all about you and getting well. Get yourself to bed and heal the way it should be and to hell with your selfish husband. One day when HE'S sick...lets see who mothers HIM as he hacks and coughs away and feels like ****.

I was married to a real mamby pamby whenever he got sick. "Uhhhhh...I don't feel good....ugggggg" Day in and day out I had to nurse him whether it was more tissues..or more meds.

Yet when I got sick (I never got a day off!!), he'd just decide that THAT was the best time to go out with the guys and shoot pool, the house was a mess..and I'd end up cleaning it up whether sick or not.

Some guys just need to grow up and take care of the people they love..it's not always all about them!!


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

why was he not at the hospital with you?
i would have put off what ever was going on to be there.
he should be taking care of you and letting you rest.


----------



## itgetsbetter (Mar 1, 2012)

Seems to be my experience with about every man I know...haven't a clue how to nurture someone else.


----------



## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

stop me if I'm wrong here but if it's all about him then ... uh ... isn't he in a relationship with himself and you are currently single?


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

itgetsbetter said:


> Seems to be my experience with about every man I know...haven't a clue how to nurture someone else.


It all depends on the man.

Golf, I wish i could send you my husband for a minute...I am on my 4th week of recovery and he's been amazing.

I don't want to go back to work in 10 days!

You will need more than a week, won't you? I felt so awful until last week....what was your surgery, if you don't mind me asking?>


----------



## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Your H is exceedingly self-centred. It does sound narcissistic. In my experience it gets worse.


----------



## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

itgetsbetter said:


> Seems to be my experience with about every man I know...haven't a clue how to nurture someone else.


You just know the wrong men.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

AFEH said:


> You just know the wrong men.


I had my gallbladder removed. I was ok with him not being at the hospital. Lots of waiting. I just don't think the highlight of the story is him returning 3 times to get me when he was never called to. I don't expect to be waited on. I can grab my own food and drinks. Moving is good for me. But for God's sake - look after the one year old. I can't carry him.
Yes he's always been like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> I had my gallbladder removed. I was ok with him not being at the hospital. Lots of waiting. I just don't think the highlight of the story is him returning 3 times to get me when he was never called to. I don't expect to be waited on. I can grab my own food and drinks. Moving is good for me. But for God's sake - look after the one year old. I can't carry him.
> Yes he's always been like this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Part II 
H got stinking hammered today. Eyes half closed, swaying on his feet hammered. We went to pick up an order (I drove) and I went in with our older son as I can't carry baby. H and baby waited in the car. Son and I walk out and H is waving, 'here she is - honey come over here'. I thought he had a friend to introduce me to. No such luck. H took offense to a taxi parked in no parking zone and were fighting. They were yelling at each other causing a scene and cab driver got out, stood up to H. H pushed him. I tried for few minutes to get H to come back to car but forget it. Cab driver called for cops but H staggered to car before cops came and I drove away. Seriously WTF? H works with inmates - an assault charge would lose him his job. Oh and I'm not supportive because I called him on being an idiot and drove away. I have to get my ducks in a row because this is coming to a head. Not what I need right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

GG, sorry your dealing with a lot of crap right now. Your H is being a jerk... I feel bad that you cannot depend on him, but knowing you can't depend on him I hope you figure out how figure out a way to not have to. It is unfair you gotta be the only one looking out for you (I mean that's why we take on a spouse sometimes, isn't it? To give us both a better shot at the good life?) Meanwhile, try to not let his poor attitude get the best of you, sounds like you need your strength for your own recovery right now...

get well!


----------

