# Bad/barely there sex life



## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

I feel like he plays games. I have talked to him for years about my disastisfaction with our sex life. It always ends with him first blaming me in whatever fashion and swearing he wants to do it 'all the time' and then him crying and promise to do better. It is almost easier for me to just go without then flip the switch and nothing for months. Can't even remember how long it has been (6 months?)

I would like a few times a week but asked him if we could even make sure to do it just once per weekend or twice a month. Weekend comes, I look forward to it, Friday night goes no big deal, Saturday it is early and then it gets later and later, I start feeling worse knowing once again it isn't going to happen as he divulges the priorites in front of me (tv and food-he is morbidly obese) and then it is snoring I hear (which sounds like laughter to me-haha, I'm sleeping like a baby and you are alone and miserable). I am so tired of being lied to and betrayed and it makes me look at him with less respect as a man that he isn't taking care of business at home. 

He is constantly telling me how beautiful I am, how much he loves me, calling me sexy, wanting to hold hands and I am getting to where I don't even like it . That stuff can be nice but I'm not 13 and want an ongoing full relationship not just the mushy stuff. I know that might sound horrible to some. I resent that he has stolen a healthy active love life from me, why even get married if you aren't going to give your partner that. Then when I am up half the night and can't sleep he asks all concerned why were you up like he just wants me to say it again, I don't even want to give him the satisfaction of another sex conversation as it is demoralizing and I am tired of the broken promises.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

wifeiam said:


> he is morbidly obese


Yeah, that probably sums it up right there.

He probably has a bad self-image and feels badly about it.

He probably has ED (along with several other health issues) and finds sex almost impossible. He knows it but can't do anything about it.

If he is that fat, he needs to work on losing weight and a more healthy lifestyle,which isn't food and TV.


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## wifeiam (Apr 1, 2013)

Chris Taylor said:


> Yeah, that probably sums it up right there.
> 
> He probably has a bad self-image and feels badly about it.
> 
> ...


Yes, I'm sure all you said is contributing. I think it is just like a form of excercise to be avoided. I don't fit well over him because of size and I think he gets exhausted when he is 'doing the work'. We both just need to get healthy and I'm hoping if I start focusing more on it he will too or at least stop the nightime eating where I think most his calories are coming in. I've thought of tossing the tv out the window too.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

wifeiam said:


> I feel like he plays games. I have talked to him for years about my disastisfaction with our sex life. It always ends with him first blaming me in whatever fashion and swearing he wants to do it 'all the time' and then him crying and promise to do better. It is almost easier for me to just go without then flip the switch and nothing for months. Can't even remember how long it has been (6 months?)
> 
> I would like a few times a week but asked him if we could even make sure to do it just once per weekend or twice a month. Weekend comes, I look forward to it, Friday night goes no big deal, Saturday it is early and then it gets later and later, I start feeling worse knowing once again it isn't going to happen as he divulges the priorites in front of me (tv and food-he is morbidly obese) and then it is snoring I hear (which sounds like laughter to me-haha, I'm sleeping like a baby and you are alone and miserable). I am so tired of being lied to and betrayed and it makes me look at him with less respect as a man that he isn't taking care of business at home.
> 
> He is constantly telling me how beautiful I am, how much he loves me, calling me sexy, wanting to hold hands and I am getting to where I don't even like it . That stuff can be nice but I'm not 13 and want an ongoing full relationship not just the mushy stuff. I know that might sound horrible to some. I resent that he has stolen a healthy active love life from me, why even get married if you aren't going to give your partner that. Then when I am up half the night and can't sleep he asks all concerned why were you up like he just wants me to say it again, I don't even want to give him the satisfaction of another sex conversation as it is demoralizing and I am tired of the broken promises.


You are the same as me, HD individuals with a LD other half and that's why we are here to try and figure it all out.

I too am angry at my wifee for her LD over the 13+ years......its amazing how similar we are but that is the norm for many on TAM.

I was a super nerdy weak skinny guy when I got married but then I weight trained and eat properly and now (my profile) am big and even got laser eye surgury. Still LD on her part.

He needs to man up, lose the weight and do what needs to be done, his health, and your sex drive. Otherwise.........move on and find a real man because he only will get bigger with zero sex drive as he gets older and bed ridden and you are catering to him.


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

Lock up the food til after he gives you some luvin. THEN only give him what he was worth in bed. Make that man work for his food!!
Sorry, that's kinda a funny answer but I think people learn faster when they know how bad I want s/t and compare it to what they take for grant it. I hope that helps.
Good luck!!
Mouse


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

wifeiam said:


> Yes, I'm sure all you said is contributing. I think it is just like a form of excercise to be avoided. I don't fit well over him because of size and I think he gets exhausted when he is 'doing the work'. We both just need to get healthy and I'm hoping if I start focusing more on it he will too or at least stop the nightime eating where I think most his calories are coming in. I've thought of tossing the tv out the window too.


You can start by only having food in the house that won't contribute to his obesity. If he wants to eat before bed, try fruits and vegetables.

All in all, don't expect an immediate improvement but a step at a time will get you there.

How about a physical? Doctor intervention?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

wifeiam said:


> Yes, I'm sure all you said is contributing. I think it is just like a form of excercise to be avoided. I don't fit well over him because of size and I think he gets exhausted when he is 'doing the work'. We both just need to get healthy and I'm hoping if I start focusing more on it he will too or at least stop the nightime eating where I think most his calories are coming in. I've thought of tossing the tv out the window too.


Once again I throw the billsh1t card...I am 66 years old. and many pounds overweight...Motorcycle crash, major skeletal damage over 40 years ago..

I have sex 2-3 times a week......I want sex and could perform sexually 2-3 times per day NO PROBLEMO...And I don't mean for a couple of days, I mean for months on end...I have done so in the past..I have always been HD, and your husband is obviously not...It is NOT fixable......

He can loose weight. With great effort, I have lost over 40 lbs. It will not make the slightest difference in your sex life, except to make that one time a month a little more acrobatic...

good luck
the woodchuck


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