# Social Media Ruining our Marriage



## Sunshine69 (Oct 3, 2012)

I really need some advice on how to deal with my husbands addiction to Facebook and his iPhone and iPad. He is currently unemployed because his job is only seasonal and every year when he's home he is on his iPad or iPhone all hours of the day and night. I work full-time so I'm not home during the day but at night when I get home he is on both of his devices constantly. I've talked to him about it and he gets defensive and says he will stop, but it's only because he's mad that I brought it up and after a day or two, he goes right back at it. We have been together for almost 13 years and for the most part everything seems fine. I have gone thru his phone looking for conversations with other woman or pics but I've found nothing. I caught him about a year into our marriage on a dating site which is how we met looking through single woman's profiles. When I confronted him he said it was nothing, he said he never cheated and was just browsing to relieve sexual tension (if your married why would you be sexually frustrated?). It was the same scenario, he was on the computer late at night while he was off work and I got suspicious so I went through the history on the computer and found profile after profile of woman on Match.com. I also found a chat room that he had visited called "Married but still looking". He swears he was never on a site like that but I wasn't on it so I know he was lying. I just have this gut feeling that something is going on but I need to know if I am being paranoid. He never hides his phone and I have the passcode to get into it as well as his iPad, so he's not being sneaky but there are so many more creative way to hide pics and conversations on a mobile device nowadays that he would be better at hiding it since he had been caught once already. Our sex life is vanilla and we only do it a few times a month. It's always very quick, no romance and nothing to please me, just himself. In fact we are usually not even looking at each other which makes things seem like he's not even thinking about me. He is ALWAYS on Facebook so I just don't know how to confirm whether there is something going on or if he's being sincere. I worry constantly when I'm at work that he's meeting someone or talking to someone and I don't want to live like this. Anyone have any experience with this type of situation or have any feeback, I would appreciate it.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

The problem isn't social media. 

The problem is your lazy husband is cheating on you while you work. 

He can't get part time or seasonal work?

He would rather sit home and play. 

I hope you don't have kids with him.

Btw, yes he is chatting with women while you work.


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## Sunshine69 (Oct 3, 2012)

I don't have any kids with him and he doesn't want to work in the winter. I've tried to get him to find a job but he's not interested. I'm sure it's because he has all that freedom when I'm gone. I wish I knew how to prove this was going on so he couldn't lie to my face. I think when a woman gets that gut feeling, she is usually right. That is how I found out last time. I just knew something was going on. Thanks for your honest opinion.


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

How does browsing dating websites relieve sexual tension? I have never been on any dating website, ever in my life, but what kind of picture do people post on there??

I would have to say he's cheating on you, or want to be cheating on you. If I caught my spouse on a dating website I would be so gone. Nothing says, I'm looking for something better, than browsing single woman dating profiles.

You asked for experience with these kind of things so I will relay a story from when my husband and I were first married. My Dh was right into web programming.... blah blah, can't even begin to tell you what he was doing, but he would be on the computer all day, and all night. It even got to the point that he was neglecting our child. One weekend I can home late from work, 6:30pm and asked what they had for dinner? He gave me the blank stare and said "I didn't make dinner". I was floored, I replied, you didn't feed our 2 year old daughter. His response, she didn't say she was hungry. I could have chocked him at that moment. I packed a bag for my daughter and me and told me husband when he wanted to start being a husband and a father I might consider coming back and I left for 4 days. He pleaded with me non stop those four days, but I wanted to make my point.

Let him know you are not putting up with that crap and leave if necessary. You teach people how to treat you.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Last time?

No no no no....

Boundary time... for yourself.

If the apps, dating sites, and idle time didn't leave... why would you choose to stay?


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## Sunshine69 (Oct 3, 2012)

I stayed because he had convinced me that he wasn't cheating and I really wanted to believe him. He's not like a typical scumbag who treats woman like crap, he is genuinely a nice guy and I guess I had a hard time believing he would cheat on me. I guess that sounds stupid now that I say it out loud. I just don't know if I can continue stressing myself out and worrying about what he's doing when I'm gone and who's he chatting with when I'm at home. When I ask him what he's doing on his phone in the evening or when I'm home, he always shows me his phone and says he was looking at something that is valid, but I swear I've walked by and saw him changing screens. Could I be that paranoid that I'm seeing things? Would he do that while I was sitting on the same couch? I can't believe I'm 47 years old and this naïve. Of course when I bring it up, he makes me feel jealous and crazy for even thinking such a thing, and then I feel horrible and like maybe I'm driving him to do this. I know that doesn't make any sense but how do I defend my accusations if I can't provide any proof? I know if I caught him doing this again, I would make him leave. I would never give him another chance to do it again.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Sunshine69 said:


> I don't have any kids with him and he doesn't want to work in the winter. I've tried to get him to find a job but he's not interested. I'm sure it's because he has all that freedom when I'm gone. .


Well. I dont want to work in the winter either. Or the summer or fall or spring. But i do. Why? Because i have bills to pay, im an adult, and i have responsibilities. 

Your H not "wanting to work" in the winter is a huge problem. BTDT. Does he bring in enough during the working months to live comfortably while he's unemployed? Does he get unemployment bennies in the off season?

So are you ok with him not working in the winter, notwithstanding all that social media bs?

Must be nice to get a gig like that. He's a spoiled little child. And lazy. Are you ok with that?

Please dont have children with this man. Youll essentially be a single mother with two kids-your actual child and your H.

Your H is up to no good. He is lying to you.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Agreed with the other posters. If he isn't already cheating, he's looking to cheat. Even if he wasn't, he should be putting the phone/ipad away while you are home so that the two of you can have quality time. That's just disrespectful.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sunshine69 said:


> I stayed because he had convinced me that he wasn't cheating and I really wanted to believe him. He's not like a typical scumbag who treats woman like crap, he is genuinely a nice guy and I guess I had a hard time believing he would cheat on me. I guess that sounds stupid now that I say it out loud. I just don't know if I can continue stressing myself out and worrying about what he's doing when I'm gone and who's he chatting with when I'm at home. When I ask him what he's doing on his phone in the evening or when I'm home, he always shows me his phone and says he was looking at something that is valid, but I swear I've walked by and saw him changing screens. Could I be that paranoid that I'm seeing things? Would he do that while I was sitting on the same couch? I can't believe I'm 47 years old and this naïve.  Of course when I bring it up, he makes me feel jealous and crazy for even thinking such a thing, and then I feel horrible and like maybe I'm driving him to do this. I know that doesn't make any sense but how do I defend my accusations if I can't provide any proof? I know if I caught him doing this again, I would make him leave. I would never give him another chance to do it again.


He is a genuinely nice guy who... 

Can't be bothered to support himself and his wife, sponges off his wife, will not get a real job, plays on the computer all day instead of working and is cheating on you. EA/PA, whichever.

Oh, yeah! Sounds like a real heroic, nice guy to me! (But not really!)


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I agree that the problem is not social media but rather your husband using it to find women. My wife and I do not have a social media account. We have no need to let others know when we are eating or going to the bathroom. I do not need to know when friends of my friends are taking their kids to the park and what they ate when they got home. 

I am constantly amazed when I read about adults acting like kids and doing the things kids do online. Obviously men and women get an ego boost when they get attention from the opposite sex whether in person or online. However when it comes to a dating site, that is a horse of a different color. Many married people are hooking up with other married people via the internet. These days it is so easy to find a sex partner online. I am from the pre-internet generation so the only way we met women was by going out to bars or clubs or at work. Now when you are bored you can fool around online. It is very easy and most people are unaware of the amount of cheating going on in marriages. Even worse than the divorce statistics. 

I have always said that whether your spouse is cheating or acting like they are cheating, your emotions and hurt will feel the same. So you need to get your spouse to stop whatever he is doing that makes you uncomfortable since even if it is innocent in his eyes, it is impacting you just like it would if he really was cheating. If he loves you he would stop the behavior that makes you unhappy. However, many end up opening other accounts under phony names and then you know you have a real problem. Confront him and let him know what he is jeopardizing and how he is making you feel regardless of whether he is cheating or not.


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## Sunshine69 (Oct 3, 2012)

Vinnydee - I think your response makes perfect sense. I was just talking to a friend of mine at work who gave me the exact same advice. I guess my answer lies in whether or not he can quit social media. I do not believe in posting my every move on FB, nor do I sit for hours or even minutes wading through senseless information about peoples personal lives. I mainly keep my account open to see pics of family members that live out of state and to keep in touch with them. I've been approached on FB by an old school friend who was unhappy in his marriage and wanted to start an affair so I know that FB and social media has become a way of cheating for many. It can easily happen even if the conversation starts out completely innocent. 

Just to clarify, my husband works road construction, so his job can only be seasonal. He runs heavy equipment so it's not like he can just go out and find another job through winter and then quit and go back to his regular job during the summer. It's much easier said than done. He does get unemployment during the months he's off and we have to save the money he makes in the summer months so we can get by in the winter. I knew about his profession when I agreed to marry him so I am committed and understand the challenges it poses. It's not for everyone but my real concern is what he spends that time doing when he's off. I think when a person becomes bored, they get into trouble and the internet has plenty of ways to get in trouble without getting caught. 

I don't exactly want to end my marriage based on a hunch or gut feeling because we've had many good years together, but I'm wondering if that spark is gone for him and he's looking into other options or just passing the time.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Sunshine69 said:


> Vinnydee - I think your response makes perfect sense. I was just talking to a friend of mine at work who gave me the exact same advice. I guess my answer lies in whether or not he can quit social media. I do not believe in posting my every move on FB, nor do I sit for hours or even minutes wading through senseless information about peoples personal lives. I mainly keep my account open to see pics of family members that live out of state and to keep in touch with them. I've been approached on FB by an old school friend who was unhappy in his marriage and wanted to start an affair so I know that FB and social media has become a way of cheating for many. It can easily happen even if the conversation starts out completely innocent.
> 
> Just to clarify, my husband works road construction, so his job can only be seasonal. He runs heavy equipment so it's not like he can just go out and find another job through winter and then quit and go back to his regular job during the summer. It's much easier said than done. He does get unemployment during the months he's off and we have to save the money he makes in the summer months so we can get by in the winter. I knew about his profession when I agreed to marry him so I am committed and understand the challenges it poses. It's not for everyone but my real concern is what he spends that time doing when he's off. I think when a person becomes bored, they get into trouble and the internet has plenty of ways to get in trouble without getting caught.
> 
> I don't exactly want to end my marriage based on a hunch or gut feeling because we've had many good years together, but I'm wondering if that spark is gone for him and he's looking into other options or just passing the time.


There are options for opposing seasonal work. My BIL used to work in construction (landscaping and house-building), and he was also busiest in the summer, but in the winter he would work for another company that would have him on-site at another project further south for 1-2 weeks at a time. When my sister became pregnant with their third child, they agreed that it was too much, and last winter he took a job with Amazon at a local warehouse. It was so much better for him in terms of hours and pay that he decided not to go back to construction. (I wouldn't necessarily advocate for your H doing on-site construction gigs, given that it seems like he is pre-disposed to cheating.)

My uncle is a musician, and the gigs that his band gets are seasonal. His band plays on one of those riverboats 5-6 night in season, which is April through October. In the winter, they typically only have gigs on Friday and/or Saturday nights. So he works installing carpets and other flooring over the winter. 

Does he have hobbies, at least, or is he doing productive things? Both my BIL and my uncle spent much of their time in the off-season working on home improvement and things like that. it sounds like your H is also a little lazy.


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

Sunshine69 said:


> I don't exactly want to end my marriage based on a hunch or gut feeling because we've had many good years together, but I'm wondering if that spark is gone for him and he's looking into other options or just passing the time.


He was in a chat room called "Married but looking". He has profiles on Match.com and is active on there. I think it's safe to say he's not just window-browsing and unless something is done soon, it's only a matter of time before he does cheat. 

I don't know if the spark is gone for him, but he has some need that's not being met by you. If you want to make this work, I think you need to insist the two of you go to counseling and discover what that need is.


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## Sunshine69 (Oct 3, 2012)

He does do carpentry work on the side but he's not licensed, so it just for family which isn't that often. I don't have any hard evidence that he was physically cheating and I haven't been able to find anything on his phone or iPad that confirms this since early on in our marriage. It's just that he's on both devices all the time now and I can't help but think about what happened in the past. His Dad was a cheater but he claims he saw what it did to his mom and his family and he would never jeopardize our marriage like his dad did. I don't know if I'm naïve enough to believe that or not.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Sunshine69 said:


> He does do carpentry work on the side but he's not licensed, so it just for family which isn't that often. I don't have any hard evidence that he was physically cheating and I haven't been able to find anything on his phone or iPad that confirms this since early on in our marriage. It's just that he's on both devices all the time now and I can't help but think about what happened in the past. His Dad was a cheater but he claims he saw what it did to his mom and his family and he would never jeopardize our marriage like his dad did. I don't know if I'm naïve enough to believe that or not.


He should get licensed so he can do that during the winter.

Even if he hasn't cheated yet, he's looking. My XH claimed he would never be like his father, and he turned into an exact replica of his father. Words don't mean anything if the actions don't back it up.


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## CanadaDry (Jan 17, 2017)

Sunshine69 said:


> His Dad was a cheater but he claims he saw what it did to his mom and his family and he would never jeopardize our marriage like his dad did.


But he's in the process of doing it (being a cheater) right now, whether he's in denial or not. Honey we aren't saying this to be mean - his behavior is really alarming. If he's not a cheater already then he's gearing up to become one in the near future. Get to counseling ASAP!


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## Sunshine69 (Oct 3, 2012)

CanadaDry - I found that chat site and his dating profile back in the early part of our marriage. We have been together 13 years now so it was a long time ago. When I confronted him, he lied and said he wasn't on any chat site let alone one called "Married but still looking." We are always together except for the winter months when he's alone. When we are at home or out to dinner, he is always on his phone or iPad. I've mentioned how rude it was to be on his phone the entire time we are at dinner and when I do say something, he puts it away. I shouldn't have to tell him to do so. 

My theory which has been the same since the early part of our marriage is this: He married me and then regretted it, which prompted the chat sites and dating profiles. Maybe he did plan to leave at one point if he found someone else or the "right" person. Then he got caught and he felt guilty and would look like a liar if he left so he just stayed. That might not make a whole lot of sense but this has been my thought from the beginning. I've told him about it and he says that totally not true but it sorta makes sense when you look at the events that took place. 

I have been a very good wife to him but I sometimes feel used. Especially when the sex is all about him and he doesn't take my feelings into consideration. He is lazy and will put others needs before mine. I've been asking him to build me a blanket ladder for the past several weeks, which is pretty simple for him. He also mentioned finishing staining the basement cabinets but has yet to do either. Then he offers to remodel my stepmom's entire bathroom and started working on that this week. I am never a priority in his life it seems. I'm not shy about expressing my feelings with him, but it seems as if he disregards them. I'm not sure if marriage counseling can change this about him.


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## Sunshine69 (Oct 3, 2012)

I do not feel anyone is being mean and I'm open to all comments and suggestions. I know this is not an easy thing to discuss and the truth may very well be the one thing that ends this marriage. I just need to find proof so I don't look crazy or jealous because that's how he will make me feel.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Tell him you didn't get married to spend every night alone. That is essentially what he is doing - entertaining himself with internet crap and leaving you to your own devices.


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## Loveontherocks (Oct 17, 2016)

Sunshine69 said:


> I don't have any kids with him and he doesn't want to work in the winter. I've tried to get him to find a job but he's not interested. I'm sure it's because he has all that freedom when I'm gone. I wish I knew how to prove this was going on so he couldn't lie to my face. I think when a woman gets that gut feeling, she is usually right. That is how I found out last time. I just knew something was going on. Thanks for your honest opinion.




I have to agree with you that when us women get a gut feeling it's usually right.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this and I hate to seem harsh but the fact he's looking means if he hasn't physically cheated he's thinking of doing it. 

Whether he's cheated physically or not, the fact he's chatting to other women is still a form of cheating. Do you really believe he stays at home and hasn't met up with anyone while you are out working?

I wouldn't put up with him just working seasonally, that's so unfair.

If I were you I would leave him because if he hasn't physically cheated he will eventually. Don't waste your time being with someone who doesn't deserve you. And you're so lucky you have no kids to him. 

I have been in a similar situation with my soon to be ex husband, and the second I ended my marriage was when a huge weight was lifted off. As much as you love your husband don't allow yourself to be taken for granted.

If you want to work on your marriage then relationship counselling would benefit you both and hopefully teach him some boundaries. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> The problem isn't social media.
> 
> The problem is your lazy husband is cheating on you while you work.
> 
> ...



^^ This. And just because a person is married doesn't mean that they're sexually satisfied at all.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Sunshine69 said:


> I do not feel anyone is being mean and I'm open to all comments and suggestions. I know this is not an easy thing to discuss and the truth may very well be the one thing that ends this marriage. I just need to find proof so I don't look crazy or jealous because that's how he will make me feel.


Regarding proof...

Honestly, does it really matter?

Here's what you have proof of: He's lazy, doesn't care to spend quality time with you, puts other people's needs and his own needs before yours. Spends a ton of time finding ways to ignore you and doesn't seem to care about it one bit. And he's always been this way.

Does it really matter what he's doing on the phone? He could be writing a novel. The fact that he's always been this way and you've always felt like you are in last place. That's what matters IMO.

Why don't you think you are worth being treated better than this? Why have you put up with it for so long?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Here's a post of your from TWO YEARS ago. 



Sunshine69 said:


> He was looking a woman's profiles which I found in the history and his profile was still on the dating site. He claimed he didn't know it was still on there but I know that was a lie. So I watched him delete his profile and he begged and pleaded with me not to leave and swore there was nothing going on. I couldn't find any hard evidence such as conversations or text messages to prove he was talking or met any of them, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. We had just gotten married, so I thought perhaps catching him would keep him off the sites. That was 8 years ago and I have never caught him on anything since and I've never seen any texts from any other woman and nothing on Facebook, which he is on alot. He may just be better at covering his tracks since he has been caught but I really never felt he has been cheating since then. *However, seeing him on the iPad late at night and the lack of sex and erection issues has me wondering if I've been naive or if the attraction has since worn off.* I haven't changed much since we met and I've gained less than 10 lbs so I'm not obese and I take very good care of myself. I know that doesn't matter when the attraction is gone it's gone, but I am doing everything possible to try to create that spark again however, I think I have come to realize that I can not fix this. I still feel horrible about myself though, like I failed. Maybe I need to go see someone to help boost my self esteem.


NOTHING HAS CHANGED. Your husband is still lazy, you still suspect he's cheating but haven't gone looking for any proof.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WAKE UP and stop settling for this life you have???? You think he 'settled' for you - why on earth are you still married to him??? Do you honestly think one day he's going to wake up a new man and suddenly do all the things he never has before??

YOU KNOW what you have to do. The ONLY person who can do it is YOU.


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## Sunshine69 (Oct 3, 2012)

Thanks for all the responses. I can't believe I have let this go on for so long. Maybe I didn't want to believe it but after hearing it from complete strangers, it opened my eyes. I need to rebuild my self esteem and self worth because I don't know if I feel worthy of love from anyone. It's heartbreaking to know that the one person you trust with all your love and emotions can tear you into pieces.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Oh lady, do not believe a word of what he is telling you. You want to hear his excuses but there are no excuses for his actions. Loyal husbands do not engage in dating websites. This man is not respecting you or your marriage. You can life in a "void" and forgive him but guys like this do not change. I was married to one and dealt with this stuff and all his excuses for 27 years. You need to pack your bags and get out of there now!!!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Sunshine69 said:


> Thanks for all the responses. I can't believe I have let this go on for so long. Maybe I didn't want to believe it but after hearing it from complete strangers, it opened my eyes. I need to rebuild my self esteem and self worth because I don't know if I feel worthy of love from anyone. It's heartbreaking to know that the one person you trust with all your love and emotions can tear you into pieces.


Honey, it is going to be hard. But you ARE strong enough and you ARE worth more than this!

We all get it. Many of us have been there, and gone through something similar before. We stand here as testament and proof that you will survive this and you will be better off for getting out of a sh!tty marriage.

We are complete strangers, but we were all helped by complete strangers here on TAM at one point, too.

*hugs*


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

lucy999 said:


> Well. I dont want to work in the winter either. Or the summer or fall or spring. But i do. Why? Because i have bills to pay, im an adult, and i have responsibilities.
> 
> Your H not "wanting to work" in the winter is a huge problem. BTDT. Does he bring in enough during the working months to live comfortably while he's unemployed? Does he get unemployment bennies in the off season?
> 
> ...


Completely agree.

Cheating is the least of your worries. You are married to a man-child who would rather stay home and surf the internet than work like an adult and help support his family.

Why do you tolerate it? And forget the carpentry license excuse. He could get a job at McDonalds.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Sunshine69 said:


> Thanks for all the responses. I can't believe I have let this go on for so long. Maybe I didn't want to believe it but after hearing it from complete strangers, it opened my eyes. I need to rebuild my self esteem and self worth because I don't know if I feel worthy of love from anyone. It's heartbreaking to know that the one person you trust with all your love and emotions can tear you into pieces.


Staying with this man will only continue to beat at your self esteem. Seeing that he is looking at dating sites makes you ask....why am I not good enough and you might want to prove to him you are but inside it is like a dagger to the heart. You question if anyone could love you if your own husband is searching for other women. You wonder what it is about you that he is not attracted to. This does nothing but beat you up emotionally for something you do not need to be accountable for. He has issues, you cannot help him, you cannot trust him, and unless he gets some serious help for himself and can actually acknowledge what he is doing is wrongful you will remain in this terrible tortuous relationship with a very immature, irresponsible individual who is not paying you the respect you deserve.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Sunshine69 said:


> I do not feel anyone is being mean and I'm open to all comments and suggestions. I know this is not an easy thing to discuss and the truth may very well be the one thing that ends this marriage. I just need to find proof so I don't look crazy or jealous because that's how he will make me feel.


*Unless your H is an absolute computer guru, I would think that his website visitation trail is more than traceable!

I'd say that a "Come to Jesus" meeting is greatly in order, but even at this juncture, I really don't know if it would do any good!

If you want corroborating advice, I'd recommend your visiting an IC, and fast!*


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Sunshine69 said:


> My theory which has been the same since the early part of our marriage is this: He married me and then regretted it, which prompted the chat sites and dating profiles. Maybe he did plan to leave at one point if he found someone else or the "right" person. Then he got caught and he felt guilty and would look like a liar if he left so he just stayed. That might not make a whole lot of sense but this has been my thought from the beginning. I've told him about it and he says that totally not true but it sorta makes sense when you look at the events that took place.
> 
> I have been a very good wife to him but I sometimes feel used. Especially when the sex is all about him and he doesn't take my feelings into consideration. He is lazy and will put others needs before mine. I've been asking him to build me a blanket ladder for the past several weeks, which is pretty simple for him. He also mentioned finishing staining the basement cabinets but has yet to do either. Then he offers to remodel my stepmom's entire bathroom and started working on that this week. I am never a priority in his life it seems. I'm not shy about expressing my feelings with him, but it seems as if he disregards them. I'm not sure if marriage counseling can change this about him.


I cant understand why you stayed with him if this is how you feel. Why stay with someone if you think they are only with you out of guilt? Thats so sad.....




Sunshine69 said:


> I do not feel anyone is being mean and I'm open to all comments and suggestions. I know this is not an easy thing to discuss and the truth may very well be the one thing that ends this marriage. I just need to find proof so I don't look crazy or jealous because that's how he will make me feel.


You dont need to find proof of anything to end this marriage. The way he treats you and the way you feel about things is more than enough, you do not have to justify this to anyone. He is lazy, and neither respects or prioritizes you. I wouldnt want to stay in your situation. 

Just a side note, seasonal work in and of itself is not a bad thing, but I dont know a single person who does it that doesnt do SOMETHING in their off season. Some are criticizing him working this, but it isnt the work and off season that is the issue, the issue is HIM.


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