# You know...



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

After dealing with all that crap for the last 2+ whatever years - I really expected to feel a large weight lifted from my shoulder when the judge signed the papers.

Two months later - and she's been moved out for about 6 months or so - and I'm still just flippin' exhausted.

Thought I had already mourned the loss of my partner. Was I wrong?

I have days that are better - and I have days that I force myself to push through and DO some things that might make me feel better.

But then I still have some days where I do next to nothing but sleep.

Seems no matter what I do, I can't shake this feeling of being tired and exhausted.

Can anyone else relate? Hoping its not just me here. Misery loves company you know...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are in depression  Do you see a therapist?


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I've been there, for over a year now.

Every time things started to pick up for a while, there'd be a sudden drop off a cliff. 

For a while I'd be absolutely fine, get in the car to drive to work or drive home and spend the entire car ride in tears. 

I've been living apart from my husband since february 24th 2011.

I really felt like I spent way more time mourning the loss of my husband and my marriage than I should have, most people around my area just bounce from bed to bed to fill the hole. 

Can't say I have some fabulous advice for you, or some really great moral for the day, but I do know the feeling well. I actually almost called my ex and begged to go see him last night because I was extremely depressive and all I wanted was his shoulder to cry on. The victory of that, was that I didn't call him, I spent my night cuddled with my dogs in bed watching a movie and slept it off. I am much better today than I would have been had i called him


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Not seeing a therapist now. But yes - feels like depression.

CLucas - probably the only diff here is that I have NO desire to call her. Of THAT - I'm cured.

But she can still be an energy vampire through our kids.

Decent day today after a fairly lousy one yesterday. It's 7pm and I don't feel like just giving up yet.


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## cryin (Feb 15, 2012)

nice777guy said:


> After dealing with all that crap for the last 2+ whatever years - I really expected to feel a large weight lifted from my shoulder when the judge signed the papers.
> 
> Two months later - and she's been moved out for about 6 months or so - and I'm still just flippin' exhausted.
> 
> ...


Don't be so hard on yourself...you have kids so being tired and exhausted are a given without all the underlying circumstances of major loss and life change. Its possible you may have mourned the loss, but have not fully accepted it just yet. Also if you exw is an emotional vampire then that just adds to it. The closer you get to accepting what your ex is and how she operates the easier it becomes, but there will always be those moments until you no longer have to deal with her and your kids are grown.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Still waiting for the final judgement to arrive, but I feel the lose everyday. Today was our youngest son's birthday, 23. We went out for dinner and I asked my STBXH to come with us. First time I have seen him since the court hearing in February. I made sure I looked great. He came in, gave me a kiss, but the kids made sure that the only open chair was away from me. Only lasted an hour but I feel like I held my breath the whole time. After 28 years I imagine it will take a long time for this feeling to go away


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

Don't assume it's psychological; it might be physical. Bandit45 had to have an angioplasty recently. Might be a good idea to see your doctor about this if you haven't already, just to rule it out.


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## cryin (Feb 15, 2012)

madaboutlove said:


> Still waiting for the final judgement to arrive, but I feel the lose everyday. Today was our youngest son's birthday, 23. We went out for dinner and I asked my STBXH to come with us. First time I have seen him since the court hearing in February. I made sure I looked great. He came in, gave me a kiss, but the kids made sure that the only open chair was away from me. Only lasted an hour but I feel like I held my breath the whole time. After 28 years I imagine it will take a long time for this feeling to go away


I don't know what your situation was, but once my kids are grown I will have no need to ever see or speak to my exw again. I don't think anything of her as a human being and won't allow anyone like her into my life ever again. As far as I'm concerned she rates with pedophiles. No she isn't a pedophile but she is an abuser like one. its just not sexual abuse.


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## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

nice777guy said:


> After dealing with all that crap for the last 2+ whatever years - I really expected to feel a large weight lifted from my shoulder when the judge signed the papers.
> 
> Two months later - and she's been moved out for about 6 months or so - and I'm still just flippin' exhausted.
> 
> ...


Yes, I had to go back on anti-depressants this year. I was either yelling at my co-workers or crying my eyes out every time I brought my kids home from a visit. I was also having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. I gained 15 lbs. It's not just you.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

My son said he was sad that the 4 of us would never be together again and I said that wouldn't happen, so its up to me to do it when it won't be too overwhelming for me


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

OldGirl said:


> Don't assume it's psychological; it might be physical. Bandit45 had to have an angioplasty recently. Might be a good idea to see your doctor about this if you haven't already, just to rule it out.


I have been to my Doctor. Depression is nothing new to me, so I've been on anti-depressants for several years. Just kind of tired of therapy. Would rather get out and make some new friends instead of paying someone to listen to me.

My house is a mess, work is a bit more stressful than usual, and then my Ex and my oldest D can't stand each other. 

Good times...


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

nice777guy said:


> I have been to my Doctor. Depression is nothing new to me, so I've been on anti-depressants for several years. Just kind of tired of therapy. Would rather get out and make some new friends instead of paying someone to listen to me.
> 
> My house is a mess, work is a bit more stressful than usual, and then my Ex and my oldest D can't stand each other.
> 
> Good times...


Gotcha. Really sorry


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Eh...

Just have to learn to dance in the rain - right?

I really don't let things bother me too much - on the surface at least. Not like I'm emotional - I'm just drained! Physically and mentally.

Starting to develop some healthier routines. And working to get my finances back on track (divorce is not a good financial investment.)

Just feels like I'm shoveling in a snowstorm...


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Hey man,
I know what you're saying. You are exhausted. Emotionally, and the stress translates to physically. Let the chores wait. Take it easy on yourself, get lots of sleep. I find I trigger worse after a period where I dont sleep enough. 
I was in a funk for about 2 weeks, and the some of the chores around my house got put off. But this past saturday I opened the windows and did a bunch of cleaning that kind of actually made me feel better about my place, and myself.

Not only are we dealing with the emotional response from the "event" that effected the most important and valuable parts of our lives, routine, and motives for getting up in the morning....we are also facing the process of developing all new segments of our lives, reconstructing something suitable to ourselves, and attempting to understand just what those desires are at this point. Finances, the kids, loss of the even the non-marriage related conveniences of having someone else there.. 
Lots of reason for taking it easy. Thats my plan anyways. Just going to take it easy for awhile and enjoy the lack of "having to participate" in someone else's weekly agenda.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Not only are we dealing with the emotional response from the "event" that effected the most important and valuable parts of our lives, routine, and motives for getting up in the morning....we are also facing the process of developing all new segments of our lives, reconstructing something suitable to ourselves, and attempting to understand just what those desires are at this point. Finances, the kids, loss of the even the non-marriage related conveniences of having someone else there..
> 
> Just going to take it easy for awhile and enjoy the lack of "having to participate" in someone else's weekly agenda.


Very well said. Thanks Shoo.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

nice777guy said:


> I have been to my Doctor. Depression is nothing new to me, so I've been on anti-depressants for several years. Just kind of tired of therapy. Would rather get out and make some new friends instead of paying someone to listen to me.
> 
> My house is a mess, work is a bit more stressful than usual, and then my Ex and my oldest D can't stand each other.
> 
> Good times...


Go see a doctor anyways and get a full workup done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

@ nice777guy, 

Man, I'm there with ya. Between you and Shoo and shoeguy, I swear we all live parallel lives. I get what you are saying about being worn out. Emotionally, physically, and financially, I'm sure we have all pretty much gone down a bit of an unhealthy path. I've tried so hard to please everyone and be super-dad on top of it that I am just exhausted.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I understand you NG. I have been divorced since Sep 2010 and I still go though ups and downs. The emptiness sits like a huge gapping hole in my heart. Work is stressful, I have to take care of a child that is slightly autistic, housework etc. I wake up every single night and can't sleep for few hours then fall asleep when I have to go to work. 

He pays child support but does not participate in day to day upbringing. He thinks seeing the child 3x a week for 20 min on Skype is good enough and maybe two weekends a month(picks up the child late Friday pm and returns him to me by mid day Sunday). I am the one that has to push for all medical tests, researching how I can help my child. I have not received one link from him to say: Hey what do you think about this or that regarding our child's health.

I actually had my Vitamin D levels checked. They were low. Vit D level also contributes to depression so have it checked out. I am well over due for some sort of counselling but I just can't seem to find enough hours in the day to do everything. I read this forum and it helps most days.

Today is exactly 2 years since he officially asked for divorce. And Friday Apr 20 would have been our 7 year wedding anniversary. I hope I suvive this week.

Keep us posted NG how you are doing. That's why we are here.


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