# Should I be worrying



## blade (Feb 8, 2008)

I've been married for 2 years with my wife. Before getting married we had been dating for 10 years. Everything has been great. Lately she has been having a lot of communication with a co-worker. He lives in another state, however they will be seeing each other in a couple of months at a work function for a few days. He is also married. I appreciate that she has been somewhat honest with me and that she has told me most of the things that he has said to her. He has giving a Webcam and asked to get it on it a couple of times and she keeps telling me he did not mean anything bad by it! They usually talk everyday during the week and text each constantly. It's gotten to the point where she has missed lunch plans with me because he called and even came home late because they were on the phone together. I know that she flirts with him, since I once saw one of her text's to him. My problem is that she keeps telling me not to worry, which is hard to do since I have caught her keeping things from me.


----------



## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

I am going thru kind of the same thing. Let her know that this Innocent flirting is not ok with you. Like everyone on here says she needs to make her life transparent if she has nothing to hide. 

I wish I could help more but I am dealing with something similar. So just stay strong, and communicate with her. Talk talk talk cause my husband wont. If he did it would be better. :0


----------



## blade (Feb 8, 2008)

Thank you for the kind words. It just been difficult since she has always been very open with me and now she is always trying to hide what they talk about. I know communication is the key.


----------



## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

You know flirting does keep us young, we all need a little innocent flirting now and then. But to do it daily or with someone that you work with is a bit dangerous. Plus hiding does not help your worries.

I know this is a little extrem but can she change the project that she is working on or change departments? If not maybe you just need to let her know that you will not stand for this, and she is putting your marriage in jeopardy. Put the ball in her court and see if she will return it. Again stay strong this is a bad spot to be in.


----------



## berlinlife06 (Dec 26, 2007)

Maybe I am too paranoid and jealous, but if you have to ask the question, "Should I be worrying", to me is a sign that you are already having doubts, and honestly I would have them too. So, follow your heart...


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

An emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical one.

draconis


----------



## stav (Feb 5, 2008)

What is your wife getting from this flirtation that she is not getting from you? It does seem to be going a little beyond harmless workmate banter, because for a start it is making you unhappy.

This trip away, can you go too? Just a thought. 

You need to sit down with your wife, and discuss this. Tell her that you know it is innocent and that you trust her, but that this is now getting to the point where you are no longer comfortable with it, and that it is making you unhappy. Ask her if she is unhappy about something, and if there is anything you can do to make things better for you both. Perhaps you have been hard at work, and not paying her as much attention as she is used to? 

Do you send her silly fun texts during the day? Surprise her with silly little gifts etc? Maybe the attention she is getting from this other guy which is very flattering for any woman, is all she is after.


----------



## sarahdale24 (Feb 3, 2008)

stav said:


> What is your wife getting from this flirtation that she is not getting from you? It does seem to be going a little beyond harmless workmate banter, because for a start it is making you unhappy.
> 
> This trip away, can you go too? Just a thought.
> 
> ...




:iagree:


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Anytime a spouse is spending too much time with another person it should be carefully considered. When she is late for appointments with you because she is engaged with him it is a red flag. While she may see it as an innocent friendship it may be something much more. It can be damaging to the marriage. I know, my wife was involved in an emotional affair for some time and we are still trying to recover. I don’t know that we ever will but I am hopeful. I would suggest you speak to you wife about this calmly. Let her know you are concerned but not angry. You want to understand. Try and find out if there is something in the relationship she is looking for and you are not delivering. Should you be worried? Yes but proceed with caution and care. Good luck.


----------



## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

Well I think the real key was the desire to use a web cam. There is no reason that ex-coworkers really need to see each other on cam. I think you need to assert your position and ask that this end.

It is better to state your position and your feelings without engaging in a long discussion that will give her chances to tell you how innocent things are.

If you truly cannot tolerate the situation, let her know.


----------

