# In need of advice



## btt (Apr 25, 2009)

my wife and I have been married for 16yrs. and can count on one hand the real fights we've had. I mean fights where only words were exchanged...nothing physical. I've never touched her to harm her and never will.
She was raised in a very abusive home and at times seems to chose harsh forms of discipline for our two daughters (14 and 9).
Whereas, I was raised in a very laid-back and at times overly loving home. She has even admitted to resenting my childhood.
Very simply, when it comes to our children and punishment/discipline, I always opt for punishment. Like my wife, I received spankings and whippings; but nothing like the abuse my wife described receiving. Even small offenses now seem to equate to a pop of my younger daughter from my wife.
About three weeks ago, my 9yr old got a bad grade on a project that she and my wife worked on....my wife refused to listen to my daughter's explanations....instantly labeling it all as excuses. When I went to join in the discussion, my wife told me to "SHUT UP" and that I didn't know enough about the situation to have a comment. When I pressed she cut me off and left the room with the comment, "...and she's going to get a whipping for this!" Which instantly seemed like more a response to my intervention and attempt at offering alternative views on the matter than just, fair and compassionate parental action.
I jumped up before thinking about it and stood between her and the door,pressing the door closed. I kicked a small stepping stool out of the way to do this which shot across the smooth floor and stuck the nearby wall. Even I was shocked by the move..but stood my ground and pleaded with her to listen to what I had to say. I asked her what would she tell my daughter was the reason for this whipping and she replied,"I don't know....will you move?" I responed sternly, "Then this whipping is not going to happen." She asked me again to move and said I never agree with her ways of dealing with them and that it was going to ruin them. I moved and she hasn't spoken a kind word to me since....no lovemaking....no "how are you and how was your day"....nothing.
After a week, I apologized....saying my actions were wrong and that I was sorry and wanted us to get back to normal. She smiled and said OK. Four days later, I made a romantic/sexual 
innuendo and was told," I'm not at the point yet?" Nothing has changed since the incident or the apology and it will be a month on Tuesday.
Now I'm angry that she's taking this long to come and talk or adjust her behavior...am I wrong to be expecting this to be getting better? How long should I wait?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

well personally i dont think you should have apologized. i think you did the right thing. 

I think her silent treatment and the way she is acting is really immature. She blatantly shut you out when you wanted to talk about the kids because she doesnt think you know how to discipline. she needs to apologize to you, in my opinion. 

You stood your ground to protect your kids, and i think you also need to stand your ground to stand up for yourself. your wife is out of line.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

btt-

You were right to stand your ground, and you should keep doing so. The sex will eventually resume if you show her a very high degree of firmness. Your wife only respects firmness. That's why she wants to whip every body. By the way, she is probably turned on be spanking or being spanked, but that's a post for another thread...

Anyway, the point is that you come from a laid back family, so you are probably not used to having to be firm, but you are going to have to dig deep within to find the firmness she wants and needs.

I'm afraid your wife has been abused, and she's blindly repeating it on the kids. Be the man, don't let it happen - even if you have to come down on her like a ton of bricks. She is using sex as a weapon against you, don't be in any doubt. She wants you to toe the line, but if you do... she will lose all respect for you. Better to make her tow the line - as you sound the more balanced and rational of the two of you. 

With the new found respect of you will come a sexual side of her you have not dreamt of. If you give in, sex will come back, but she will despise you and therefore she won't treat you like she thinks you are "hot".


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