# Did I miss out?



## Uded (May 11, 2009)

I've been married to a wonderful women for the past ten years. She would walk to the ends of the earth for me and I love her very much. We first met when I was young and I had just came out of a long problematic relationship. A year later we were married. My problem is my wife is the first and only woman I've ever had sexual contact with. My wife has told me about her past sexual experiences before me. I can't help the feeling that I've missed out on having sex with other people. To make things worse I can't stop thinking about my wife having been with other people before me. I know nothing can be done about the past but it makes me very angry and depressed. I know I can be a jealous person and I can be very hard on myself. We've talked about it. She knows how I feel. What do I do? I can't stop thinking about other woman and wondering what it would be like. Any advice.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

My husband did not have lots of sexual partners either, maybe 5 in his whole life. He was married to his exwife over 20 years and never cheated... one woman after his divorce then he met me... so I'd say 5 total.
I would not have liked him as much if he had a long line of lovers in his past.

I do and trust me, you didn't miss out on anything.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i was the only 1 my husband was w/ and i think it's part of the reason he left. he never had the chance to "live life"


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Hi,

The only thing you are missing is memories, and that is not touchable or loveable.

One also must be careful, as some memories can distract from present day.

No you did not miss much.

So love your flesh today, she is real.


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## beachboy (Apr 23, 2009)

Same thing here, but an even longer marriage. For me it wasn't so much wanting other partners and experiences, though I did think of that once in a while. It was the fact that I had to share that part of our relationship with others, which I didn't know about before marriage. She lied about her past. Somehow it made a one sided marriage, one has more experience in a very intimate part area.

She has been amazing in every area of life, it's just that I have always wondered if I have been compared in some quiet way with her past flings. I know they are just memories, but it still has affected me, and our life together, in certain ways. There is always that "thing" between us, that what if she had waited, or not lied to me about her past. What if I had more experience, those kind of minor annoyances that hang around our marriage.


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## Uded (May 11, 2009)

What has made my situation difficult is I am in college and girls talk to me and even flirt with me. That never happened before I was married. At first I got an extreme joy out of turning down people. Now I don't want to say no anymore. Maybe I am just stuck in my past and just need to grow up and move on.


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## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

i assume you're older than the average college student.

i don't know if you went to college earlier in life, but if you did and have forgotten, may i remind you that flirting is an art practiced in high school and perfected in college.

college kids are also at the early part of their arc and have no idea the consequences you face if you decide to say yes.

i can't tell you if you've missed out on anything because that's a question of personal perspective.

your choice is really simple as are the consequences, as far as they can be known.

you cheat on your wife, you possibly catch an std, your wife finds out, transforms your prized possessions into puzzle pieces, and walks out.

you don't cheat on your wife, ten years from now you're very impressed with how, when you felt a moment of weakness ten years earlier, you manned up and didn't act on those urges and instead turned your full attention back to your wife.

or, i guess a third choice, you divorce, screw a co-ed, and ten years later wish you had manned up and turned your full attention back towards your wife instead of geting a divorce.

at least, those are probably your choices, should you ask your wife what to do.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Of course you did! Nailing coeds is half the point of a man going to college.

HOWEVER, the real question is -- Was marrying your wife worth missing out on that?


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## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

but the point is, that question begs itself.

one can't know if one is missing out on something unless one experiences what one is missing out on, and if one has experienced it, one is no longer missing out and instead must decide if one wants to continue with the experience.....and that's usually the point where the wife starts dissecting your dvds.

that's why what i artfully tried to express is that in life we have past experience, advice, and our moral center to guide our decisions.

and this youing man is well advised to act with an overabundance of caution.

this post reminded me of college days as well, and, oh, to fondly remember those days of matriculating with abandon.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I don't think he has to overintellectualize this at all.

He chose marriage over having sex with a multitude of women (presuming any would). So now that he in college with a fresh crop of coeds he is tempted and wondering if marriage was worth passing it all up.


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## tdr64am (May 2, 2009)

I am basically in the same situation as you, including the wondering about what I missed and being jealous of my wife's past. That said (and like you) my wife is an ace all around, a wonderful mother, daughter in law etc. Had I had some experience before marrying her I would not have had to hound her with my insecurities and hence not wasted any time in our relationship. And there is something to say for getting stuff out of your system. But the fact is there are a lot of things in life I wish were different, or I had done or not done. All told I have it pretty good (sexually and otherwise) and my guess is you do to. Many folks don't.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

It is probably different for a man vs. a woman. I didn't have any sexual partners before my husband, and I never regreted it. If I did, I think I would be in worse shape in my marriage, as I tend to regret things. It would be pointless for me to wish for something to have happened in the past rather than focusing on the present or looking forward to the future.


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## Uded (May 11, 2009)

Ok. I had my chances in the past, and I didn't take them. For good reason too. If karma does exist than for once it worked out in my favor. If I would have just slept with any random person, I don't think I would have married the wonderful women I am married to now. As for my wife's history. We talked. It sounds like she was pushed into most of it, and didn't really want to. I give myself some credit. I never begged, whined, forced or any other negative action to get a girl to have sex with me. She had to tell me twice that she wanted to have sex with me. 
When I was younger I did have "opportunities." One was a girl who I didn't know at all. If she wanted to have sex with me than she probably would have slept with anybody. Another time was a girl who got really really drunk. If I would have had sex with her at that moment like she wanted me to, she would have thrown up on me. She was really really drunk. Another time was girl who was a married mother, who slept with a lot of people I knew. 
I find it hardy to focus on the positive aspects of my life and my relationship with my wife. Thanks all of you for your input. It really did help out.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

Just don't forget this point...... who's to say that if you have other sexual experiences with other people, that they will be good experiences?

If you have a great wife, enjoy it! Not everybody does. Her past is part of what brought her to you. Try spicing things up with her. Heck every once in a while, I'll put on a wig, do my make-up different and seduce my hubby...it's fun, and playful, and different.

If you love your wife, don't give in to temptation. You could very well regret it later in life.


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