# Need Help Staying Strong



## ~TheOptimist~ (Jun 14, 2011)

I'm getting the divorce papers ready. I think that is the only thing that will make my husband accept the reality that it is over. 
I feel sad and terrible when he calls me and leaves a message, sounding like his old self. (Background info: I believe my husband may have Borderline Personality Disorder.) It's hard for me to stay strong with my decision when I hear him sound like the person that I loved. For so long, I kept believing his words, saying he would get better someday. He is now saying that again. He's saying he's been thinking every day about everything and realizing new things. He says he knows I gave our marriage my all and that he didn't. He says he knows he doesn't deserve another chance but please give him one. 
What's also sad is that he doesn't realize that as soon as he gets angry about something -anything- all bets will be off. He doesn't realize that if I did give him another chance, he'd eventually start accusing me of having been with someone while we were separated. 
I want to believe so bad that this time he wouldn't do that. But I know, in the long run, getting a divorce is better for both of us in the long run.
I think he mostly just wants another chance to prove he isn't a failure since he feels he failed his first marriage. But I can't give him another chance just because he thinks he needs one. He didn't realize I gave him lots of chances. I didn't even realize I was giving him that many chances. There were words that were said and actions that were done that cannot be taken back.
It's hard being the one who initiates a divorce especially when my spouse is saying he wants to try again. I feel like a *****, a mean person, a giver-upper, and I'm none of those things. Gah!
This is a lot of venting... I guess I just want to hear thoughts from different people.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

It is very difficult being the initiator! But it also frequently means you are the wiser partner.

If he has truly, truly changed, and keeps it up for several years, then you guys can get back together.

Until that...stick to your guns! As long as you've made the decision thoughtfully and carefully, it's okay, really.


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## ~TheOptimist~ (Jun 14, 2011)

What's scary is I don't think I'll ever know for sure if he's truly changed because he acts halfway normal with people he is not in a relationship with. It's when he becomes attached with his partner (me). That's when the bad stuff starts to come out. :-/


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, but that's good. You know that. That's valuable information. You spent blood and tears learning that, so do not ever discount that.


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## ~TheOptimist~ (Jun 14, 2011)

Oh, I am not! It's funny I say that I need help staying strong... I already know and have made up my mind that I am not going back to him. But a small part of me keeps nagging myself, "What if he will change this time? What if it will be different?" <---My heart needs to shut up now, lol.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

We've all been there, honey. Trust me. It's just part of being human. 

Feel the feeling, acknowledge it, say "wow, this means I'm a really good person", and then put it away.

And good luck to you!


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## ~TheOptimist~ (Jun 14, 2011)

Thanks!


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