# How to approach wife for sex?



## Minncouple (Sep 9, 2009)

I have just finished NMMNG and MMSL and a bit confused on the approaches each book states.

So, I will ask a simple question of the ladies. And, ladies, please answer clearly. Us Neanderthal men get confused when you all go off on tangents.

Would you rather.....

1) Have a nice warm caring guy who meets all your needs and never approaches you for sex but waits for you to initiate or seldom the guy initiates as to not be over bearing. Now not a "nice guy approach" but lets say a more metro-sexual type guy who isn't assertive, confident, or may be feminized a bit due to society.

or...

2) A masculine man who meets most of your needs or shows he tries, and when he wants sex 'takes" you in a sexual hot way. An example would be to approach you from behind, give a hug and whisper in your ear what he wants and how he will take it.

I have a follow up question to this, but need to hear this answer first. Thanks


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Minncouple said:


> 2) A masculine man who meets most of your needs or shows he tries, and when he wants sex 'takes" you in a sexual hot way. An example would be to approach you from behind, give a hug and whisper in your ear what he wants and how he will take it.


Definitely #2!!!! I was in a "#1 scenario" marriage and it ultimately failed. Don't get me wrong, every man needs to also have a tender, loving side, helpful, compassionate, etc. but as far as the bedroom goes, it's #2 all the way.

This is the dynamic SO and I share; he makes it clear to me in no uncertain terms what his desires are. But I also do the same to him. So everybody's happy here...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'm going to recommend #2, but use your Neanderthal hunting skills and approach from downwind so she doesn't get "spooked."


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Minncouple said:


> I have just finished NMMNG and MMSL and a bit confused on the approaches each book states.
> 
> So, I will ask a simple question of the ladies. And, ladies, please answer clearly. Us Neanderthal men get confused when you all go off on tangents.
> 
> ...


This guy is my ideal.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> This guy is my ideal.


*Describes me to a tee! I love coming up from behind and breathing softly on the nape of her neck and gently on kissing it, and never asking for permission to do anything! And then judging from her receptiveness, I'll just let my hands logically progress, until she turns around for some initially soft, but progressively hot kissing. 

And then just let nature take it's course and see what evolves! 

Simply intoxicating to think about it!*


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, there's some middle ground between 1 and 2. I want a nice warm caring, masculine guy who meets my needs and when he wants sex 'takes" me in a sexual hot way. Being tender doesn't preclude masculinity. Being sexually demanding doesn't preclude tenderness. Most women want a blend of alpha and beta traits. Too much of either is not appealing.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

#2 all the way!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

2


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Number 2. But it depends on the strength of need that he is "almost" meeting. For instance, if he sat on his ass and watched TV while I cleaned up, then wrapped his arms around me I'd probably not be terribly interested. However, if he worked out, came in all sweaty while I cleaned, then wrapped his arms around me and told me to shower with him to wash him...putty in his hands!


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

Where on God's green earth do you women come from?

edit:
The times I've tried these moves over the years I've been told "watch it" or "not now I'm trying to brush my teeth" or "not now I'm looking for my socks in the closet".


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

At what point of being agressive is abuse or worse rape. To me it would be dont or stop. Any other cues?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Thound said:


> At what point of being agressive is abuse or worse rape. To me it would be dont or stop. Any other cues?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good question Thound. It's different for everyone, so there is no answer that will work for you and your wife. Some women openly dig aggressive sexual domination and some women feel the need to be coy... Stooooooooooop, come oooooooooooon nooooooooooo. As she smiles and laughs. Other women will turn around and beat your azz! 

Talking to your woman, trial and error. What works for a lot of women might not work for yours.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

BostonBruins32 said:


> Where on God's green earth do you women come from?
> 
> edit:
> The times I've tried these moves over the years I've been told "watch it" or "not now I'm trying to brush my teeth" or "not now I'm looking for my socks in the closet".


TMI... The first time I remember having good/ great sex with my husband, we had been out drinking. Got home kissing all the way. I had to pee he followed me kissed me while I peed, took off my blouse while I peed. Took off my pants while I wiped... The level of desire and aggression that didn't stop ... Holy cow I still remember it as drunk as I was.

Just to be sure, no, not into water sports!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BostonBruins32 said:


> Where on God's green earth do you women come from?
> 
> edit:
> The times I've tried these moves over the years I've been told "watch it" or "not now I'm trying to brush my teeth" or "not now I'm looking for my socks in the closet".


That has happened to me to but it doesn't even slow me down. I am relentless and I don't take myself too seriously and I can laugh at myself. We both enjoy the chase and usually we both end up laughing and horny.

More often than not, after "chasing " her for a while, she insists that I take her, she won't take no for an answer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Thound said:


> At what point of being agressive is abuse or worse rape. To me it would be dont or stop. Any other cues?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I haven't gotten there with my DH.But I imagine if it came down to it aggressiveness turning to abuse would be if I brushed his hands away and gave my reasons but he kept trying. If it escalated,that would be rape or attempted rape. If I'm pushing your hands away,telling you I don't feel well or am not up to physical intimacy at that moment,and have NO smile on my face or play in my voice...STOP doing whatever you're doing to me.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> That has happened to me to but it doesn't even slow me down. I am relentless and I don't take myself too seriously and I can laugh at myself. We both enjoy the chase and usually we both end up laughing and horny.
> 
> More often than not, after "chasing " her for a while, she insists that I take her, she won't take no for an answer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Thats a good woman you have. Mine just gets angry. Sex is off limits if House Hunters is on, if its Tuesday or Friday, if she had dinner within the last 4 hours, if its dark outside, if its Wednesda-Sunday, or if the sun it out.

Otherwise I have a good shot.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

He knows the rules. Get me before dinner or don't get me at all...other than a handjob or bj. LOL


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BostonBruins32 said:


> Thats a good woman you have. Mine just gets angry. Sex is off limits if House Hunters is on, if its Tuesday or Friday, if she had dinner within the last 4 hours, if its dark outside, if its Wednesda-Sunday, or if the sun it out.
> 
> Otherwise I have a good shot.


Ouch! Sorry to hear that. How long have you been together?

I have also had talks with Mrs Conan and let her know how important sex is to me and I have had to convince her she is beautiful and desirable. She had image problems even though she is hot. We have put a lot of work into sex and have been together 22 years.

It definitely has to be a priority to both of you for some real fun to start.
Best wishes bro.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> He knows the rules. Get me before dinner or don't get me at all...other than a handjob or bj. LOL


I think that is a key too. Knowing each other. Mrs Conan gets quite horny after a good meal. I get hungry after good sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Minncouple (Sep 9, 2009)

Thanks for the replies.

I knew the rape thing would come up, I am using the word "taken" as in a lust-full / shades of gray type meaning. Amazed that someone would think I condon rape type mentality.

Now to my point...

I see that number 2 (or some variation of) is what women want or like. But, what happens when the wife shuts down the initiation on a continual basis. Lets just say more often than not the husband gets shut down.

Thus, the husband would more than likely either stop any and all initiations as it is simply to much of a blow to the self esteem and feels unwanted or a lack of desire from his wife?

I am sure the women love the attention and being able to hold sex over the husbands head. But she now takes on the role of initiating herself AND having her previously masculine husband become beta and a whip. Sounds like a downward spiral to me.

So, how would you handle the situation. Your trying to be the Alpha that the wife is attracted to, but your ego gets too bruised from continual rejection. Thus, resentment builds and then the lack of interest in your wife.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

A guy who respects me and makes dates to spend time together, where the time together often but not always includes sex (or mention of sex or innuendos about sex.) I think a ratio of 5 acceptances to 1 declination for sex is about right, for both parties. 

Also, I like guys who, say, when they go XC skiing with me don't suggest halfway through the day when I'm relaxed and enjoying myself, suggest that we go into the woods so I can bend over a rock. Now, that's okay ONCE IN A WHILE but not on a regular basis. Bottom line, it's nice to know your guy is lusty and all, but don't make everything about sex. (i.e. grocery shopping where the guy picks up the sausages and makes lewd gestures to woman - just too much!)

Oh, and men are not neanderthals and being so doesn't excuse anyone. If you want to ask a question, don't make up reasons to ask it, just say you want to know. The Neanderthal card when it comes to sex sounds a lot like the "just a woman" card when it comes to car maintenance....gaps in knowledge are gaps in knowledge and have nothing to do with how roomy your undies need to be.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Minncouple said:


> I see that number 2 (or some variation of) is what women want or like. But, what happens when the wife shuts down the initiation on a continual basis. Lets just say more often than not the husband gets shut down.
> 
> Thus, the husband would more than likely either stop any and all initiations as it is simply to much of a blow to the self esteem and feels unwanted or a lack of desire from his wife?
> 
> ...


well this wife doesn't seem like a suitable mate for anyone IMO,she sounds stubborn,manipulative and passive aggressive. She has to actually WANT the man for things to work.She has to like him,love him,enjoy him...in order for the relationship to be productive. Constant rejection would tell me a woman isn't into me.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Your options suck!! 

Why can't #1 do those things and still be a man and want sex like #2?

The books meet a need, but as I've said for years, I'm a nice guy dishes, chores, run the kids, around, all of the mushy and gushy stuff!! Post it notes, txt msges, surprise dates, etc, but as my wife says "You are a freak!!" 

You can have all of the qualities of a nice guy and still LAY THE PIPE!! That's my issue with the books.......you don't have to be a brickhead tool too want or get sex from your wife.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Minncouple said:


> I am sure the women love the attention and *being able to hold sex over the husbands head*.


If that's how your wife feels, then there are larger problems in the marriage than just sexual frequency. Sex in a marriage should be a mutually enjoyable endeavor, not currency or a tool for control.


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## Minncouple (Sep 9, 2009)

I agree, you can be both and have good sex.

Now, I don't think the wife is doing this consciously. But, the man will take it as she is playing a game and using sex as a tool. 

She may not know she is doing it, but she is causing the husband to feel this way.

So, what should the husband do when he is shot down repeatly and feels lack of love from his wife and has a very bruised ego?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

what else can you do at that point really other than go to counseling and hope a third party can make her see her part in this.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

How do I approach Ms. Spin – well I usually rub, nuzzle and burry my face between her legs and gently nibble. It’s a nice Alpha-Beta compromise that lets her decide if she’s ready to play but also subtly lets her know that . . . well you know. She’ll usually find her way up to the bedroom and be waiting under the covers before I’ve finished checking the kids and locking the doors. Unless she’s watching Downton Abbey – but no woman is perfect I guess.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Ya know,I've always wanted DH to mute tv and sit on the floor in front of my spot on the couch...tug my pants off and well you know  Seems worth interrupting a favorite show

I don't want to ask for it though:scratchhead:


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Ya know,I've always wanted DH to mute tv and sit on the floor in front of my spot on the couch...tug my pants off and well you know  Seems worth interrupting a favorite show
> 
> I don't want to ask for it though:scratchhead:


I did just that to my wife last week as she was watching "The Following" She totally missed the ending but later caught it On Demand. 

Totally worth it in her opinion


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Ya know,I've always wanted DH to mute tv and sit on the floor in front of my spot on the couch...tug my pants off and well you know  Seems worth interrupting a favorite show
> 
> I don't want to ask for it though:scratchhead:


Absolutely. I've told her I'd love to occasionally drop to my knees and return some favors. Unfortunately she too has a no after dinner rule. Why do i feel like I'm getting to short end of the stick, lol, but it's not really a big deal.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> Absolutely. I've told her I'd love to occasionally drop to my knees and return some favors. Unfortunately she too has a no after dinner rule. Why do i feel like I'm getting to short end of the stick, lol, but it's not really a big deal.


Mine is bc of IBS. I'm just no good after most dinners,it sucks.  We manage though


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> The level of desire and aggression that didn't stop ... Holy cow I still remember it as drunk as I was.


Just as men love it when their woman shows desire, many women are the same. My wife gets very turned on by me showing how much I physically want her. It can't be just at 11:30 pm as you are both crawling into bed. Showing it as you head out of the house, come home after work, while cleaning up after dinner, and then more on the couch. Heck, start the night before when you can.

My wife and I joke that women are fires and men are firefighters. With women, you have to prepare the fire site, feed the spark and prepare it carefully. With men, we tend to show up. So I look at it as preparing my wife for what will end up being a bond fire.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Minncouple said:


> Thanks for the replies.
> 
> I knew the rape thing would come up, I am using the word "taken" as in a lust-full / shades of gray type meaning. Amazed that someone would think I condon rape type mentality.
> 
> ...


I would talk with her about how that isn't working for me and suggest counseling. If that didn't change anything I would consider divorce. Life is way to short to go sexless


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I haven't gotten there with my DH.But I imagine if it came down to it aggressiveness turning to abuse would be if I brushed his hands away and gave my reasons but he kept trying. If it escalated,that would be rape or attempted rape. If I'm pushing your hands away,telling you I don't feel well or am not up to physical intimacy at that moment,and have NO smile on my face or play in my voice...STOP doing whatever you're doing to me.


Thankz for the answers and thanks to the other poster I cant remember who it was. That is one line I do not want to cross
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Tall Average Guy said:


> My wife and I joke that women are fires and men are firefighters. With women, you have to prepare the fire site, feed the spark and prepare it carefully. With men, we tend to show up. So I look at it as preparing my wife for what will end up being a bond fire.


I like this analogy :FIREdevil:


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> TMI... The first time I remember having good/ great sex with my husband, we had been out drinking. Got home kissing all the way. I had to pee he followed me kissed me while I peed, took off my blouse while I peed. Took off my pants while I wiped... The level of desire and aggression that didn't stop ... Holy cow I still remember it as drunk as I was.
> 
> Just to be sure, no, not into water sports!




WOW that's hot!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Thanks, MC...I know I'm not the only one...


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

Well all I can say is I hate the way my husband approaches me for sex, really getting boring. He sticks his hand in two places and never kisses me or tells me he loves me. He's seen porn he wants sex. Don't feel like I have anything to do with it. I need warming up a bit. At least sometimes.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Minncouple said:


> I agree, you can be both and have good sex.
> 
> Now, I don't think the wife is doing this consciously. But, the man will take it as she is playing a game and using sex as a tool.
> 
> ...


Would this man be you, and this wife be your wife? Brace for snarkiness but it's beating around the bush like this that causes marriages to have such communication problems.

I don't blame you for having a bruised ego, not one bit. You say you're of the OP ion that your wife isn't playing this manipulation game with you consciously. Well, I think that's open for debate though you may be right.

Keep track of the pattern for a month or so. Long enough so you can clearly call her on it. Once you can show her a clear pattern of rejecting your advances but sex only happening when she initiates, then you can have an honest discussion with her.

So, until you've got a pattern to show, just keep on trying. Maybe a note before your leave for work, tonight babe no excuses!


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

I can always tell when Joe is in the mood since he doesnt hide his " needs or feelings " ...... often a little peck on the back of my neck while i'm doing the dishes or a soft caress of my butt while im brushing my teeth gives me a clear signal.

And ohhh ...... him also grinding himself from behind sure does let me know how he's feeling


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Minncouple said:


> I have just finished NMMNG and MMSL and a bit confused on the approaches each book states.
> 
> So, I will ask a simple question of the ladies. And, ladies, please answer clearly. Us Neanderthal men get confused when you all go off on tangents.
> 
> ...


If we were doing Venn diagrams, Option #1 would fall completely outside of the scope of your question. It is not an approach; it is actually the complete absence thereof.

Even the Option #2 example sounds like a pretty damn mild approach to me. But what do I know? I'm just a man


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Usually all Joe needs to do is rub my booty in a soft , loving way with a smile or smirk ..... and I know im gonna be naughty sometime later that day


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

omgitselaine said:


> I can always tell when Joe is in the mood since he doesnt hide his " needs or feelings " ...... often a little peck on the back of my neck while i'm doing the dishes or a soft caress of my butt while im brushing my teeth gives me a clear signal.
> 
> And ohhh ...... him also grinding himself from behind sure does let me know how he's feeling


That's so cute....My Dh does the same...real subtle eh? :rofl:


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: How to approach wife for sex?*



over20 said:


> That's so cute....My Dh does the same...real subtle eh? :rofl:


Noooo " miscommunication " or mixed signals in our relationship wink wink !! Subtle or not im happy to see him ummm in the mood


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Thound said:


> At what point of being agressive is abuse or worse rape. To me it would be dont or stop. Any other cues?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She would physical prevent or stall your forward progress. You'll know that you aren't welcome in that way at the time.

In most of my life I was allowed to initiate the act, and it was very clear if they really didn't want it to happen.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> How to approach wife for sex?


Usually with a boner is how I have done it. 

<10% chance of it working though.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I find that getting out of the shower....still slightly wet, with a towel around my waist....is a good start to getting her attention.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I also know that giving her incredible foot massages can turn into very sexy foreplay in our home....

When I slowly move up to her ankles, calves, and thighs....she has no power to resist my caresses.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)




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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

omgitselaine said:


> Noooo " miscommunication " or mixed signals in our relationship wink wink !! Subtle or not im happy to see him ummm in the mood


You sound like a great wife!!! :smthumbup:


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: How to approach wife for sex?*



over20 said:


> You sound like a great wife!!! :smthumbup:


Thank you  I'd like to think i am !!


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

Minncouple said:


> I have just finished NMMNG and MMSL and a bit confused on the approaches each book states.
> 
> So, I will ask a simple question of the ladies. And, ladies, please answer clearly. Us Neanderthal men get confused when you all go off on tangents.
> 
> ...


#2 definitely. I need a man who knows what he wants & how to get it & makes me feel amazing into the bargain


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I wave a 20, is that wrong?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

That will only get you a hand job at my house.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

Deejo said:


> I wave a 20, is that wrong?


Just 1 20? She works cheap.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

skype said:


> Just 1 20? She works cheap.


Those 20s add up!


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