# Should I get married, I'm confused??



## Confused_One (Mar 17, 2010)

Ok first I want to say that I really apologize for the length of this message.

My fiance and I have been dating for 4 years and we plan to get married March 2011, he is my high school sweetheart, we are both 19 and we will be 20 when we get married. I always wanted to wait until marriage for sex but because I was scared and felt like I had to do it if I wanted to keep him, I lost my viriginity at 15 and ever since he always wants me to play with him, have sex, give him a BJ, grab my breasts and butt, I feel like I'm a sex toy sometimes...The sex isnt even that great, unless I'm doing all the work and he loves to kiss me but I don't really like to kiss him all the time, I mean french kiss.

I've always thought I loved him, because we want the exact same things in life but in the past few weeks I have been having my doubts...

I play on the PS3 all the time and guys typically add me just because I am a girl and some talk to me constantly but never anything awkward and if it does get awkward I delete them, but there is a guy that I met and I find myself addicted to him and I feel like I am cheating on my fiance by talking to him all night long everynight...I am physically attracted to him and I love his personality, I mean he has his flaws but everyone does.

I'm just really confused, I don't know if I am ready to be married yet and to my current fiance or not.

My parents and family LOVE my current fiance!

If I were to leave my fiance I'm worried I will never find anyone else that wants the same things as me. not to mention, I rely on my fiance for finances, if I leave him I wont be able to pay for college, I won't be able to do anything. We currently keep all the money in my savings account, but if I left him I would give him his money back, but it just seems so awkward. 

I'm litterally confused and crying because I don't know what to do.

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks...

Edited to add:
He lives next door to me at my grandmas and shares a cell phone plan with my mom and I. and in the past when we would come close to breaking up he would cry and I would go running back....


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## Confused_One (Mar 17, 2010)

anyone? please?


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## pokergirl007 (Mar 17, 2010)

Honest opinion? You arent ready to get married yet. There is nothing to say that you need to get married in a year, you can always make the engagement longer. It sounds to me like you are trying to make it fit for the wrong reasons.... (cell phone plans?) You may love him but are you in love with him? Are you staying because you had sex with him when it was something you stated you had wanted to wait until marriage? DONT get married to the wrong man just because you had sex with him before marriage. Its a HUGE commitment and it takes more certainity than you seem to have at the moment.... don't go into a marriage unsure hun. You only increase your odds of becoming a statistic. Only you can decide if you are ready or not... be honest with yourself.... it may be messy to slow things down at this point but it will be far messier further down the road. good luck


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## Confused_One (Mar 17, 2010)

Yeh I'm starting to think I'm not ready either, but it is exactly what u said a big mess to try and slow down. I just hate hurting peoples feelings...I think that is my main problem...Thanks for responding and being honest!


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## pokergirl007 (Mar 17, 2010)

Think of it this way.... sooner or later you are going to have to hurt his feelings if you are being honest with yourself.... it seems pretty clear that at least for now, you want to experience more (and you should, you are young) It will hurt alot less now than it will later. And both you and your fiance will both be better off the sooner you resolve it. Trust yourself...


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## VeryShyGirl (Feb 18, 2010)

If you're having second thoughts than give yourself more time to figure out what you want and how you feel. You've got PLENTY of time. Do not rush to get married. I'd tell any 20 year old to wait.

As for not wanting to hurt anyone, I know where you're coming from. I dated the same guy from age 16-25. He moved far away with me so I could go to school. We kind of grew up together. Well, in those nine years we changed a lot and realized we weren't so good for each other even though we cared deeply for each other. Breaking up with him was one of the hardest things I've ever done... but you have to be strong and know that you need to listen to your heart first and foremost to keep yourself happy. After a few tough months we became great friends and remain friends to this day.

I've seen a lot of marriages fail when couples get married too young. They don't know who they are yet, much less what they want/need in a partner. They grow up to be different people with few common interests.

I finally married my current husband at age 31 after 5 years of dating. I wanted to be darn sure. We share the same values and hobbies. We are best friends.


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