# Wife holds on to her anger



## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

So did her exe cheat on her? 

i think your wife needs some counseling. of course i doubt she will go. it sounds like she thinks its everyone else's fault. hey, ive been there. my h used to just leave, too when we'd get in fights. man i hated that. it was the worst thing he could have done. i felt like he didnt even care enough about how i was feeling to stick around and fight with me. 

i can understand why you would want to leave, but for me it just kills me when my H walks out on me like that. i dont know what the solution is for you, but my H doesnt leave anymore. i still get angry but he talks to me now. i know what you are thinking, you're thinking its useless to talk to your wife because she just stays angry. and i dont know whats going on for you exactly, but i know in my situation my h walking out on me was the worst thing he could have done.


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## miturn (Apr 8, 2009)

I have been tis type of women for many years and now I just don’t say anything about ahnything that troubles me because my husband does what you do, leaves because it is too much dammed effort to find out what the deeper issues are that are making her feel so insecure. Stay and fight it out. Talk Talk Talk and then talk some more. Stop being so non committal and self righteous. What makes you think that walking away until things calm down works. Has it worked or do the same old types of issues just keep coming up again and again. She is angry with you and does not trust your commitment to HER. Find out why and fix it if you can. If you can't or wont do what it takes to make her feel secure and loved above all else then tell her that honestly and give her a chance to find someone who will value her enough to fight for her happiness. I know my words are harsh but I have wasted my life on someone thinking that one day I would be worth that effort. Wake up now or become another one of those blokes that one day says "'I never saw it coming " when she walks away.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I was that wife once--well the angry part. I really don't know what the root of the problem is in your situation. I will say that your wife is having an issue with trust; unfortunately that could go back to her ex. Nonetheless, I can offer a few suggestions. First, I recommend you go to counseling. A great counselor will be able to direct YOU as how best to approach the situation. 

Many times "fear" can cause distrust, anxiety, and anger. You will accomplish more by replacing fear with love. I know everyone is getting tired of me recommending "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, but I strongly recommend it. You will be able to communicate love to your wife, if you identify her love language. A person who really feels loved is a much happier person.

You can't change a person merely because you desire to. Many times the change results thru your actions.

Good luck and may God bless you......


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## Saklamaritza (Apr 8, 2009)

Are you sure there is nothing behind these anger outburst. Being married to someone not fullfilling your needs can be frustrating. You mentioned that now after your arguments you leave to the coffee shop to read, perhaps that is what you would like people to do when you get angry - give you space- maybe she sees it as you not caring for her feelings. Try to be more supportive, tomorrow morning ask her what it is that you can do today to make her day a little easier, she might answer ironically but after you do what she asked you for you will get nothing but good feedback. The next time she gets angry, kiss her on the neck, tell her you love her and care about her, stand in front of her and say nothing more... eventually she will react. Good luck!


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

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## Hardened Heart (Apr 8, 2009)

Sounds like your wife might have something to hide. Next time she takes your phone and checks it ask her for hers and check it. Lets see how defensive she gets. I am not saying you are being defensive, you are letting her look. 

Give us an example of these fights or situations you too are having.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

She needs counseling for her trust issues, period.

Put it as an ultimatum, counseling because you need her to be able to trust you, or the marriage will easily end in divorce.

She needs a reality check, right now its all "your's" and "men's" (in general) fault, she isn't doing anything wrong.

Until she can be shown by a professional that her behavior isn't constructive to a relationship, she won't change.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

HHeart, good idea. Ask to check her phone everytime she checks your's. See if she gets defensive.


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

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## Hardened Heart (Apr 8, 2009)

Well I just presented my husband with Legal Separation documents and he refuses to leave. Hang in there, its so hard... I don't think theres one person with all the answers. As soon as we get our tax check we are going to make an appointment for ourselves and see how it goes. I am seriously at my witsend.


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

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## Hardened Heart (Apr 8, 2009)

Good luck! I do know what its like to be in a relationship like yours. My husband use to get up in a raging attitude. Cursing etc. It doesn't make you want to be around them. Before we had children, I would get up before him and leave to go do something. Its very hard to deal with people like that. If I ask him whats wrong he says to me "everything"! I have eventually learned to ignore him. Try ignoring her when she gets angry all the time. Everyone deals with there own issues differently.


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## Hardened Heart (Apr 8, 2009)

marriagehelp12 said:


> Good luck with you rsituation. He really should leave the house...however, if he doesn't you might want to consider splitting up the asets and moving yourself for you rpiece of mind otherwise you may both make matters worse and never get back together from the build up of hatrid.


Yeah I hear you there, I even offered half the tax check. See we have a daughter together and I pay all the bills. He works but only makes enough to pay his child support and necessities. Very hard to remove a 280 lb man from the house. I have more than he does to move out, if I had to do that. I honestly think that if the counseling doesn't work then filing for divorce is what I am going to have to do. thx. for listening to me as well. I hope I have helped.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

marriagehelp12 said:


> yes she would get defensive...but you know I trust her and have no desire to check up on her. That is the difference between her and I plus I was cheated on in my first marriage also but I don't let that interfere with my current marriage. I used to be a jealous person, then I got my self respct and never looked back.


No, no...its not about really wanting to check or phone or you not trusting her. Its just for her to get defensive and you to ask "why is it ok for you to check mine but not for me to check yours?"


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Just remember confrontation leads to more anger..........


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## Hardened Heart (Apr 8, 2009)

So Marriagehelp12 should just continue to leave and let his wife go on with her rampage!!!!???? I think marriage counseling would do you some good and hopefully see where all her anger is coming from. She might be depressed, having anger issues (no doubt) or just not happy in the marriage and only shows it through her anger. Have you done anything special for her lately?


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## BIGJ (Mar 12, 2009)

Welcome to the wonderful world of marriage...wonderful isn't it?:scratchhead:


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