# confused.. need some advice..



## mommyofone (Dec 23, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and been together for 5. We have one child together that is almost 4. He was my first relationship and we have been for the most part happy. But things have come up and sometimes, I feel like I am stuck. I feel smothered and like I don't want to be with him anymore. 

Don't get me wrong. We still have our wonderful times together and he is for the most part a good husband. He works a full time job and takes care of me and our son. But he constantly gripes about everything, doesn't help around the house, tends to be selfish at times, and has a jealously problem (with me spending time with my sister and family). But I have been feeling trapped for the last 2 years. I feel like I am missing out on being a regular 24 year old. In a sense, I feel like I am 40 years old, that has to be at home all the time. But I recently met one of his coworkers and I felt myself being attracted to him. I get that giddy excited feeling when I hear him talk. I think about this guy all the time and he has even invaded my dreams. But this feeling has got me feeling horrible and confused. I know I love my husband, but I don't have those feelings that I use to have with him. And I know this guy would never go for me and I don't think I would go for him. But I'm just really confused, because I want to be in love with my husband, but I have all these feelings that are running through me and I don't know what to do or how to even sort through these feelings. I really don't want to leave my husband and I want to feel that special feeling between us again... but I don't know what to do with all of these feelings..

Anyone got any advice?


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

hi--
have you thought to tell him how you feel traped, and smothered?? in a calm and straigh forward way..

i told my h when i felt like checkin out for a while, and we talked. i wasnt mean about it, i just turned to him and said it..i wanna check out...

he asked me why, and i told him how i was feeling. i think he helped me through my rough patch, he understood.

so try talking to him about it..hope you can work it out..


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Those feelings you are having are very normal and probably also come up because you are also the mother of a young child and have other responsibilities that weigh you down.

Your husband has crossed from the "lover" zone, to the "dad" zone and that is how you are looking at him. It's time to refocus on the lover zone. Start preparing for him as you did when you were dating, taking time to take care of yourself, get a babysitter and start having a date night. 

As for your feeling trapped, tell him you would like for him and your child to have "dates" too. Maybe on a week-end in the afternoon. That will give you free time to do your own thing while they have some important time alone together. Then you also have a "date" time with your child and do things alone that you might not do with your husband there (go places or do things you want to do that maybe your husband doesn't enjoy so much). Share these dates sometimes for family time, but mostly, try to keep them separate as this time will become very special for your child.

Hopefully this will take a bit of the edge off those feelings you are having. Accept them as normal and temporary.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You are married, not dead, so feeling attraction to another man is normal. Take your fantasies into your relationship with your h; he'll be very pleased. Just act them out with h (tell him what his role is) and enjoy. 

As for feeling trapped--get a job, go back to school, start doing something to change up your life. You really need to tell h that you are feeling trapped and it isn't about him; it's about the routine of your life. If he cannot have an adult conversation about this, without acting like you are a traitor or something, get some counseling so the two of you can learn to communicate better. 




> he constantly gripes about everything, doesn't help around the house, tends to be selfish at times, and has a jealously problem (with me spending time with my sister and family).


He needs to know exactly what you said here about him, but you need to communicate that in a non-confrontational way while conveying the seriousness of the situation. These things are all potential deal-breakers and it is only fair that he understand that. You should check out "Walk Away Wife" syndrome on google; that will be you in a few years if you do not address these issues now--and share it with your h, because he'll be the husband going, "But I didn't know!" The alternative--if you two don't communicate well-- is that you will tell him, he'll get mad and defensive, and the two of you will start fighting. Neither is good for you, the marriage, or your child. 

It's a lot, but at 24 you have a lot of years and learning to re-engage in your marriage now may serve you well for a lifetime.


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