# Ex issues



## kjones2411 (Jul 26, 2008)

My husband is from florida and whenever he flies home, i am always worried he will hang out or get into contact with his ex. she has a daughter that he helped raise for two years and is very attached to the daughter. 

a few weeks ago, he flew home and i couldnt go (bad mistake). he hung out with her. when he came home he told me he wasnt sure if he loved me as much anymore and just wasnt sure about us. so we spent time apart to think about things. then we started hanging out and acting like things were back to normal to try that. they a few days ago i found messages to and from her say how much they loved each other and coulnt wait to spend the rest of their lives together, how happy they were and how they were the best things that happened to each other. i confronted him and now he is trying to decide what to do. 

any suggestions on what i should do? i truely want to be with him and i really want us to work.

what is even worse, is we have a 7 week old baby girl and he is messing up his own family for another women and someone elses baby. 

oh and on top of it, she is not a good person. she left him to marry someone else. then after she got married, had a boyfriend ontop of that. she is not trustworthy and will only hurt him. 

HELP PLEASE..ANY SUGGESTIONS AND COMMENTS ARE HELPFUL.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

kjones2411 said:


> My husband is from florida and whenever he flies home, i am always worried he will hang out or get into contact with his ex. she has a daughter that he helped raise for two years and is very attached to the daughter.
> 
> a few weeks ago, he flew home and i couldnt go (bad mistake). he hung out with her. when he came home he told me he wasnt sure if he loved me as much anymore and just wasnt sure about us. so we spent time apart to think about things. then we started hanging out and acting like things were back to normal to try that. they a few days ago i found messages to and from her say how much they loved each other and coulnt wait to spend the rest of their lives together, how happy they were and how they were the best things that happened to each other. i confronted him and now he is trying to decide what to do.
> 
> ...


I think you ought to take steps to protect you and your new baby from his recklessness.

The crappy way you see that ex who is now current again is how you ought to be seeing him as well.

He is not a victim of that other person. He willingly cheated with her while you have a newborn with him.

He likely has been intimate with her many more times than what you discovered.

Do you really want him? Why?

he treats you with no respect.

I am sorry to be blunt.

Please seek legal and emotional support.

You need it.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

so he is not in actual contact with her all the time. but if they are sending eachother messages and you have seen for yourself these messages. then they are real. but being so far away can also fuel the fire for desire. its because you go into a fantasy world. 
i think you should put your foot down. 
but i have seen this within my own family. you might have to let him go. its just ashame he cant see the forest for the trees. 
but how many men do.
i feel for your situation. this happened to a cousin of mine and a friend, very similar.
they went through alot. 
i know you dont want to lose him, but you might have to consider giving him the ultimatum and putting the facts you have said here on your thread to him again, just to remind him. 
like how she treated him b 4 and those past situations. 
ok he is treating you no different , because he has become blinded.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You aren't going to like my approach - but I guarantee you will get information that you can work with.

Ask him to talk to _you_ about _her_. Here's the kicker ... you can't get angry. You want him to tell you why he thinks they are meant for one another. You want him to feel comfortable and safe in telling you about his feelings and confusion. You need to be, or at least _appear_ interested. If you get angry, he'll shut down. Have him talk about how they met, how their relationship worked - and more specifically, how it didn't work. You can then gently point out that this relationship already failed once. Maybe even perhaps for the same reasons his relationship with you is failing. Now you can ask him to go through the same exercise about how you and he met - here, you get to emphasize the positive, and have a dialog about any negatives. If you can have this conversation without wanting to claw his eyes out - you will discover reasons why he is pursuing this relationship, and not investing himself in your marriage. With that information, you can make decisions about a future with, or without him. 

Here is the short version, you want to win him back, not demand him back. That simply will not work. Ultimatums may appear to yield the desired result - but they do nothing to address the underlying issues. I recognize that this is all easier said than done with a new baby. In the event that you already have all of this information, you may just want the clawing out the eyes option. I hope you can find some peace, one way or another.

In the interest of disclosure, I have a relationship with my ex-fiance. It is not - at the level that your husband's relationship appears to be.


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

the grass always looks greener and we see the past through rose colored glasses, both cliches but both often very true. he is probably dealing with the stress from your marriage/new baby and remembering the "good old days" with her. he isn't being realistic b/c they had problems and will still have them if they reconnect. he will be sorry, i'm sure. but right now you need to focus on you and your baby and decide for yourself what YOU really want. do you really want to be with him??? if so, give it your all but you can't force him nor should you try to force him to stay with you. i'm sorry this is happening to you, i'm sure having a newborn & the postnatal hormones don't help the situation. good luck to you. please continue to reach out for help and advice, b/c postpartum depression is real and your situation can definitely cause it. good luck.


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