# alone



## outNabout (Mar 2, 2013)

My wife walked out two weeks ago and I've not seen or talked to her since. I've just been taking it day by day. I'm amazed I've held together as well as I have so far. Maybe because it's such a relief to not have to be around her nasty personality all the time anymore. 


But right now the hard part is facing the realization of just how alone I truly am. 


I need to make some new friendships and fast. Over the 12 years we've been married, she's somehow taken up all my time and energy. All my old friendships have faded away.

Now I've really only got just a few acquaintances at work. I've not told anyone at work and just keep acting like everything is normal. I know everyone there will start gossiping behind my back if they find out my wife just walked out on me. 

The lack of real friends is rather overwhealming enough, let alone the idea of having to get into the dating scene again. 

So here I am on an anonymous web forum typing to strangers. 
Ain't life grand. :smthumbup:


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Well at the least you are in familiar company here...

Sorry to hear about your wife but it sounds like it should have been. 2 weeks is NOT a long time, I have a feeling it's not over yet. Give it 2 years then consider it basically over.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

My wife has been my only friend for 20 plus years. I don't think I have any real friends. 

Not D but I joing meetup groups just to get out and meet people other than my wife.I need friends as well. 

It will happen for you. Just get out in about some.

Years ago My answering machine said "sorry I missed your call I am out and about and running around...please let me know you call and I will call you back".

That was at a time when I was really out doing things.

Get out yourself.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Two weeks is a very short time, your still a little in the shock phase. I would encourage you to start to tell the people at work, at least your supervisor. Whether you realize it or not they probably know something is going on. Your performance is being affected even if you don't realize it. 

You will also probably be surprised once you start to inform some people of the situation who your friends really are. You aren't the only person to go thru this. You will feel embarrassed, reluctant but stick to the facts about what is going on. Most likely your supervisor has had this discussion with employees before, he may lighten your load at work to help out etc. Depending on what your situation is on the homefront it will also be in your bests interests to start to inform co-workers, family. Your wayward spouse could be calling them telling all sorts of stories or they run into her. Its best they hear it from you first to avoid awkward situations. 

I run a company and have had many such conversations over the years with employees. We have changed work schedules to help accommodate, lightened work loads, given them more work. Whatever helps them thru a hard time. 

When my spouse left me, at first I wanted to keep it under wraps, only the owner and one other person knew anything but all the employees knew something was wrong, I was loosing weight, taking days off. They thought I was dying or something. My stbx was also starting to spread the crazy rumors all over town. I made the decision to talk to each employee, explain the situation, it was humbling for me. I was truly surprised how many of them offered to help. 

It was better for them to hear it from me than letting the rumor mill inform them and letting the wild stories spread.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

outNabout said:


> My wife walked out two weeks ago and I've not seen or talked to her since. I've just been taking it day by day. I'm amazed I've held together as well as I have so far. Maybe because it's such a relief to not have to be around her nasty personality all the time anymore.
> 
> 
> But right now the hard part is facing the realization of just how alone I truly am.
> ...


Life is not fair, happiness and evil are not equally disparsed....

I know that everybodies misery is 'Big as Life' in front of their own eyes, apart from how little it is in absolute terms.

Still, I would like you to have some hope, because your situation is repairable, in contrast to many other people's misery.

You may have learned some very valuable lessons of life. Now process your emotions, your facts. Heal. Read a lot, Act a lot. 

You will be better, chances are that in some time you will be much better. Probably happy, maybe very happy.


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## outNabout (Mar 2, 2013)

@ Trickster, Another Planet, honcho, See_Listen_Love
Thank you for taking the time to respond and share your thoughts to my self absorbed bitterness. 

@ Another planet - Thanks for the perspective. It seems like a long time right now for her to not just call or return home. She has texted a few hostile messages to keep blaming me. I think she's bipolar or something because she is happy one minute and walking out the door the next. She's also done this before, just not as long. 


@ Trickster I've often looked at the meetup.com page, I do need to take action and get involved. And wow, I'd almost forgotten the name I'd picked and what it mean. I had in mind when I chose the name that I'd survive this by keeping on and being active. Thanks for the reminder. And ending 20 years together must have be very hard for you.

@ honcho Yes I agree, I think I'm in a kind of shock. 
Thanks for the valuable tips. I hadn't thought of any of those things. Bless you for being so compassionate to your employees when I know it often appears that certain staff just abuse privileges and want special treatment!


@ See_Listen_Love I agree with what you say in every way. There is are so many people in the world suffering much more than I and I do have it pretty darn good right now in comparison. And there is much I can do to take action and learn from this experience. Its just rather overwhelming right now the thought of what the future holds.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

outNabout said:


> Over the 12 years we've been married, she's somehow taken up all my time and energy. All my old friendships have faded away.


Isolating the Victim is rule #1 for an abuser.


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## grainofsalt (Oct 6, 2013)

OP, two weeks is nothing. I'm at eight months, and I am still bitter over this so called "marriage," and at human nature in general. It was a real eye opener...

Now, I'm like you... I never did have a large circle of friends before our relationship, and not really much during either, but this was by choice. It is in my nature to do so.

However, eventually this may change for you... I'm not much into online dating, but I have recently discovered that Facebook is a good tool to connect. I'm messaging people that I went to Elementary school with, and believe it or not they'll respond more often than not. And these weren't friends... These are both males and females that most likely disliked me at the time, but nonetheless decades later will communicate with what is, for all intents and purposes, a stranger! Try it out! Have a few drinks, and try it out...


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Out,

Have you looked for an IC? I think you will appreciate the support.

What activities do you enjoy doing and have you started doing them to restart your social life? Meetups, skiing, church, a gym, festivals are all good places to jump start your GAL (Get A Life) activities.

Have you seen my creepy supermarket trick on other threads? Get yourself looking good and hit the mrket around 5:30. Enjoy the looks you get from the female shoppers. I guarantee you will smile!

Hard times ahead, start working on YOU. Life can be awesome if you start living it.

Be strong,
Stretch


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## Will Overcome (Apr 1, 2013)

outNabout

Your story mirrors mine nearly 100%, so I can certainly sympathize with what you are going through. I have accepted the fact that I am incapable of processing this grief on my own, so I have made an appointment with a therapist. Today is my first appointment with the therapist, so we shall see how it goes.

Perhaps a therapist could help you as well - it is worth a shot.

I also am reluctant to burden my friends and relatives with this, but I am starting to think it would be a good idea to reach out to some people I am close with. I tested the waters by reaching out to a relative, and telling him the whole story. It helped me a great deal to talk to someone about it. Maybe you can give that a try as well?

I have been keeping myself busy with exercise, and have lost 48 lbs. This has helped me a little bit as well.

I have gotten back into my hobbies to also keep myself busy, and that has helped a little bit as well.

I think the next step would be for me to join a meetup group, or try to meet new people through some other means. I am painfully shy, and I really need to get over that. The problem for me is now compounded since I just relocated to a new state, work 100% from home, and I don't have any friends or family in the new state.

I digress.

I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for what you are going through and I can certainly sympathize. Perhaps some of the coping techniques that I am using can help you as well.

I wish you the best.


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