# Your spouse cheated, What can you do about the images?



## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

When I learned about my spouses affair I nearly lost my mind. I was shattered emotionally and physically. My mind was going a thousand miles an hour in every direction, with no way to stop it. I was holding onto the grass to keep myself from spinning off the earth entirely. The thought’s of them having sex polluted my mind on a near constant basis. I had to get control of this, but how? 

_Lesson from my childhood_

I am a night-owl, always have been, as far back as I can remember. It was rare during my childhood for me (at least during summer break) too be in bed before midnight. I would stay up and watch movies and on occasion a scary movie would make its way from the screen to my minds eye. Consequently, the images of vampires, monsters and ghost running through my head would make it very hard to go to sleep. The only defense I knew to work against such images was to stay up extra late and watch a little of “The Three Stooges.” Replacing the images of the vampires, monsters and ghost with images of Moe, Larry and Curly proved to be most effective. I was always able to go to sleep with a smile on my face. 

*You Must Redirect Your Thoughts*

You will continue to be plagued with thoughts of your spouses acts of infidelity until you get a handle on the situation. I got a grip on my particular situation in much the same way as I did when I was a child. It worked for me, it can work for you. Here are a few steps you can take to get you pointed in the right direction:


*Step 1: Have a “go-to” thought*
Having personally dealt with the same types of images that are currently locked inside your mind, I know that sometimes they just come, like a thief in the night, without warning or provocation. Early on it’s like that, so you will have to be on your toes and prepared at nearly any moment to shift your thoughts. Have something that you can grab onto at a moments notice. A book, a letter from an old friend, a locket from your grandmother, anything with a specific memory attached to it that will divert your mind away from the thoughts of them having sex. I carried a bible with me wherever I went and I had a “go-to” passage that I would read. Remember it is very early on and we are just trying to survive at this point.

*Step 2: Identify the triggers*
When I was going through the trauma of my spouse’s affair there was a very popular song on the radio that sunk my mind into the thoughts of the betrayal. Since this song was so darn popular, it was nearly impossible to avoid. I had to make some changes. The radio was not turned to music channels, the T.V. was blocked from any music channels, I even went as far as to avoid music stores just incase I happened upon the CD. Drastic? Maybe, but it paid dividends to my happiness and overall emotional stability.

*Step 3: Think Long Term*
Every time you defeat the thoughts, every time you divert your mind away, every time you WIN…you are one step closer to coming to terms with the images. Eventually the thoughts will dwindle away to nothing of consequence. I am ten years removed from the day I found out about my spouse affair. I can testify that I would have to work really hard to even get one of those nasty thoughts into my mind again. Just incase you where wondering…the song from earlier has no power to conjure anything in me. Remember to remain focused on the long term goal, your health and happiness. Keep winning the little short term battles inside your minds eye and in the long run you will win completely.


I am confident if you can find your “go-to” thought, avoid the triggers, and keep focused on the long term you will be well on your way to banishing any thoughts of your spouses acts of infidelity. The thoughts of them having sex will slowly but surely hold little to now power over you anymore. Just like those scary movies I watched when I was a kid, you will be able to replace those thoughts and get yourself some well deserved mental rest.


Hope this helps,

GM


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## DG3 (Jul 13, 2011)

Thank you so much for this. I am struggling to shut out the images but they are so powerful. I'm only a month in to this though. Sometimes I am successful and other times I just collapse into the images and the thoughts. Sometimes I just need to feel it but hopefully those times will start to fade. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, but reading posts like this help me to realize that I'm not alone. I'm not the only one silently obsessing about my husband having sex with a woman I have never seen. Thank you again!


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

DG3 said:


> Sometimes I am successful and other times I just collapse into the images and the thoughts.




DG3,

Keep up the good fight and it will get better. Each small battle you win is a step in the right direction.

Best Wishes,

GM


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## wild_irish_rose (Aug 6, 2011)

I thank you for this as well. My problem isn't quite the same, I don't have trouble with images of my H with OW, but I have trouble trying to "exorcise" the images from the day I walked in on my husband masturbating to some very graphic and disturbing bestial porn videos he found online. There are certain things I can't see now without those images flashing into my mind.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

On Dday I accidentally found a video of my ex-wife having sex with the OM. From that point on, I could never again look at her without remembering her and OM naked f__k__g their brains out. Only through months of intensive psychological therapy was I able to finally overcome those devastating images.


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

morituri said:


> On Dday I accidentally found a video of my ex-wife having sex with the OM. From that point on, I could never again look at her without remembering her and OM naked f__k__g their brains out. Only through months of intensive psychological therapy was I able to finally overcome those devastating images.


Morituri,

I see your point. I don't know how effective my method would be against such a real image. In my case these images were ones that I conjured myself in the subconscious. I never actually saw them in the act. My hat comes off to you sir. I am glad to see that you overcame those demons.

Best wishes,

GM


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I saw it with my own eyes. H didn't expect me to come home because I was out with my gf and I saw her car in the driveway and I snuck in and caught them. H was PO'd, she didn't seem to care and i kicked them both out. 
That image will never leave my head. It's how I learn to deal with it that makes all the difference


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## broken a (Aug 18, 2012)

Thank you so much.. mine really isnt't he image of them having sex because it didn't get that far, but I do think about them kissing... I also am going CRAZY thinking about what they talked about all the time!!! I'm going to try this it's been a month since I found out and we finally had a break through yesterday.. so I'm hoping to move forward and reading this today will help me!!


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Craggy456 said:


> I saw it with my own eyes. H didn't expect me to come home because I was out with my gf and I saw her car in the driveway and I snuck in and caught them. H was PO'd, she didn't seem to care and i kicked them both out.
> That image will never leave my head. It's how I learn to deal with it that makes all the difference


I can understand this. When you see it for yourself, it becomes a different animal. It feels more cement and harder to block the "image" because it isn't something you conjured yourself it's an actual playback.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

What happened to Geoff anyways?


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

OR, you can meet the images head-on, accept them for what they are, simply un-pleasant memories, and move on. Very hard ( by no means, impossible) but the only way to permanently deal with them.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Badblood said:


> OR, you can meet the images head-on, accept them for what they are, simply un-pleasant memories, and move on. Very hard ( by no means, impossible) but the only way to permanently deal with them.



This is possibly the cleanest and most honest approach, I would think.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

GM,I find your post very interesting. Did you arrive at the solution on your own? I'm in a similar place, but it took a year of cognitive therapy to retrain my brain to do this. This will work!


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

river rat said:


> GM,I find your post very interesting. Did you arrive at the solution on your own? I'm in a similar place, but it took a year of cognitive therapy to retrain my brain to do this. This will work!


A lot depends on the personality of the BS. If you are a compulsive person, then the mind movies will be harder to get rid of, and you may never be completely succesful. The good news is that you can do things like these mental exercises, that will make them sting less.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

morituri said:


> On Dday I accidentally found a video of my ex-wife having sex with the OM. From that point on, I could never again look at her without remembering her and OM naked f__k__g their brains out. Only through months of intensive psychological therapy was I able to finally overcome those devastating images.


Holy crap!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> What happened to Geoff anyways?


He hasn't posted since Christmas but his last visit to the forum was July 3. He hasn't updated his blog either. I certainly hope he didn't have another D-Day.


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## JasonKaven (Oct 24, 2014)

Thanks for sharing so much information! I think it is very important to restrict the thought. Actually, it's really to control but we have to try our best. Someone like to use some ways like using iKeyMonitor mobile spy app to watch cheating spouses to revenge which is very bad.


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