# I cringe when my husband speaks to others...



## Belaine (Dec 30, 2015)

Over the past year or so I have started having a very difficult time being in social situations with my husband. He is, or at least sounds outwardly very arrogant. He is never arrogant towards me or belittles me or anything like that..... But, when we are out socializing he totally manipulates conversions and comes off soooo ****y. It makes me cringe!

We have moved around a lot and have been the "newbies" a lot over the past 4 years and I used to think that he was just nervous or out of his comfort zone so he was overcompensating when we met people or something. But, it has just gotten worse. I am so uncomfortable in public with him. And now his behavior is spreading and he even does it around my mom. He cuts people off, takes over the conversation and acts like he KNOWS EVERYTHING! And, most of the time I can tell he is talking out of his ass. My mom has started just leaving the room when he speaks, and I don't exactly blame her. 

I can't stand it!!! I have tried saying things gently to him, but he literally is clueless. He has like no social skills. I know he is proud of his recent career success and I can tell he is proud of his marriage, but he is just too much in public. Help! What can I say to him?!?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My take on it is that your husband is doing this based on insecurities. Now that he has more career success he feels that he can prove his worth to people through what he things is showing that he is knowledgeable and significant.

You could outright tell him, in the gentlest way possible, that you have said here and ask him to go to counseling to work on this issue. If he does not believe you, get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and secretly record some of the times when he acts like this. Then play it back to him.


Other than that, I don't know how to fix this. Perhaps you could start with you going to counseling and asking the counselor what to do. Then get him to come in with you to do marriage counseling.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, how old are you and your husband? We become more of ourselves as we get older. In the past, you might have been able to downplay his behavior. However, as time went, you have noticed it more and more as he has become more of himself. He will continue this behavior as he gets older.

Have you watched intervention in some of the program shows? Dr. Phil might be an avenue for you. Sometimes, it takes a professional to show an individual how they act socially. See a pyschologist to get some coping strategies for your husband's behavior. I'm surprised that people still invite you in their gatherings when your own mother can't stand his presence.

Sorry that you are here.


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## Belaine (Dec 30, 2015)

Thank you both for your advice. It is much appreciated. My husband is 31 and I am 29. We've been married for over 2 years, but together for over 8. 

I feel that part of his change in personality is due to him being the youngest of 3. His two older siblings a VERY successful and I feel sometimes that he feels he needs to play catch up or prove himself compared to them. So, now that we've gotten married, are becoming successful in our careers, etc. etc. I think he's acting out in this showy way. 

I think you're both right, counseling would probably be beneficial to stop the pattern now. Thank you.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I have had some experience with this also, unfortunately. I have found that being blunt appears the only way to stop it sometimes. Practice in a conversation with your mother when he cuts her off or talks over her; cut him off in turn: "DH, please don't speak over my mother, you are being rude". If you have to get into an argument, so be it. Don't let him get away with it.

Most of the time we all let it go when someone drowns out someone else, but if they are getting worse, I think it has to be pointed out to them each and every time they do it until they start to figure it out for themselves. If there is no one pulling him up on it when he does it, he might never learn.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Counseling? 

WTF? 

How about honesty? 

Talk to him about how agitited you are about it and how he appears to come off to others and how your mother leaves the room when he speaks. 

If he is an otherwise respectful person he will acknowledge the unwanted outcomes and adjust accordingly. 

Honesty and decency is all that is required here from all parties


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The best way to handle this is direct and up front with good examples.

100% honest. He needs a good talking to. Period.

Let him know how others and you see him.

I'd bet he'll be shocked and may get PO'd but this is your life too.

Most problems in marriage get worse because of lacking communication.

Address it now.


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