# Is it too late



## walkersc (Jan 14, 2010)

I've been with my wife for 26 years, since I was 17 and she was 16. She has always been the love of my life. There were lots of things against us. Our parents, (I'm black and she's white) and I had lots of emotional problems that I put down to the difficult childhood I'd had. She also had a difficult childhood and witness a lot of domestic abuse as a child. These problems seem to make us so strong and nothing seemed to be able to come between us. I've alway felt close to my wife but I had anger issues and was dominant. Through all of this, she was was my world and we were happy and close. I came from a big family with no father and we ended up in childrens homes and to an extent that really screwed me up when the time came for me to be a father. We now have two daughters and my three ladies are my world but I was obsessed with having a big family and being the father to them that I never had. My wife tried to give me that and we have lovely daughters but she miscarried three times also. Being the idiot that I was I didn't stop to realise how much these missarriage affected my wife and still wanted us to try again. I push her and I pushed her but she wouldn't. I pushed her until over time I started to feel distance between us and realised that she was seeing someone else. She swore blind that nothing happended between them and that it was frendship that she needed to "Lift" her.

I'm not here to talk about the affair, trust or how its made me feel. What I want to know is, can we bring back the love affection and closeness we had. We used to be soulmates and it was only at the pint that I felt a "Disconnection" that it dawned on me what a idiot I had been. 

My wife still loves me but doen't feel the same as she did and this upsets her almost as much as it upsets me. I've been to counselling and have spent a lot of time acknowledging what I have done wrong over the years that makes my wife no talk and shut me out. I'm desperate to be let back into her heart but she doe not know how to let that that happen. We're trying to just give this soem time to see if things will get better but I get so down at times when I think about what we had and what I did wrong. Do you think she can love me the way it used to be? I've changed to much over then last year and she seems a lot happier with the person I've become yet her feeling haven't returned. At what piunt do I stop trying to make this right or do I just carry on?


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## Hillbilly (Dec 30, 2009)

Hey walker, I'm sorry that you had such a rough childhood. It sucks that this has happened but don't give up. They are your world and it sounds like ya'll are trying to work it out. Don't keep beating yourself up. I'm sure that you've poured your heart out to her and asked for her forgivness. If she has forgiven you, then put it all behind you. Don't keep dwelling on your mistakes or you'll never get over them and you'll continue to feel bad about yourself. I don't know what else you've done but in my opinion, pushing her to have more kids is not an acceptable reason for her to start seeing someone else. But again...if that's over and you've forgiven her then don't keep dwelling on it. Just try to do things together and show her how much you love her. Do ya'll go to church? Do you believe in God? Pray about it and ask for Gods help. I know... it's discouraging and upsetting to know that you've done things that caused your wife to not feel as close to you as she once did and to feel that distance or disconnection. I am in a similar situation. we've been married for 17 years and nowhere near even considering divorce. There have been no affairs or anything like that, but I've done some things and not been as responsible as I should have been. I need to be more assertive and more responsible, but these things, or the lack thereof have caused her to not feel as close to me. I can tell. I can feel that the closeness is not like it used to be. I want it back and I guess the best thing for us to do is just try our best to not do the things that pushed them away and at the same time do everything that we can to woo them and win back that closeness. No, I don't think it's to late. Good luck


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## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

Your love and dedication to your wife and daughters is very evident. Don't give up! Love can not only return or resurface, but it can be better than ever.

Confession and forgiveness are the keys here. I know that's easier said than done, but if you have truly changed and asked for forgiveness (which it sounds like you have), your part is simply to continue being the best husband you can be. And her part is to actively forgive you and look beyond. 

In the same way that you handle your past behavior, you two need to handle her indiscretion. Have you forgiven her? Has she forgiven herself? It can be an ongoing process, not just a one off, check that off your list action. Continually practice forgiveness and then be grateful for that each other and what you have moved beyond.


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