# Antidepressants and birth control effects of sex drive



## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

Is there anyone out there that takes both meds and has a sex drive? My wife would be happy with no sex ever. I really hate begging and bothering her.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When I took birth control pills, my libido dropped to nothing.

I'm a high drive woman.

I took it for a month and was done.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

They killed the drive in my wife too. She was on Paxil for postpartum depression after our first plus the B.C. and it went to zero.

The problem with SSRI's is that the effect can last LONG after you stop taking them. In my wife's case it was over a year.


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## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

So you are saying there is no hope I now have to learn to deal with her being like a roommate for life. This is so hard to deal with having such strong feeling for someone that you cant do anything with. I guess I will have to start taking the prozac too! I dont know what else to do man this sucks!

After a few days of begging she will give me a little action but its all got to be by her rules which is the same clothes half on and are you done yet style. It does make me feel bad after like a big looser and I hate that part too. Either way I loose!

I have read all the post how to get her in the mood lots of house work and favors, buy her stuff, back rubs, leg rubs nothing works


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, just because she doesn't have drive doesn't mean she can't have sex.

I mean, if she knows your needs and is not meeting them, that's on HER. Not the pills.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

NO!

B.C. pills aren't the only game in town. Decide if you're done having more kids or not. If you're done, go get cut. If not, look at other options. Check out progesterone only pills or the IUD.

Suggest your wife look at lowering the dose of SSRI and supplementing with Welbutrin. Welbutrin doesn't work on its own (at least at a safe dose), it only helps the SSRI. But it also has the side effect of raising libido.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Housework, back rubs, buying her stuff and chores will rarely get you laid. No way you read that here.

Meeting someone's needs while they ignore yours means they will never be motivated to DO anything. Why would she her life is fabulous already.


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## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

I must have read it elsewhere then. I have tried doing everything and nothing. I get the same results but she has mental issues so I know its not her fault totally. I guess deep down I know the answer I was just hoping someone would prove me wrong. Her life is not fabulous believe me!


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## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

Mavash are you saying even though she takes meds for depression and ocd that kills her sex drive she should still fill my needs? 

When I said buy her things I meant like flowers on valentines day and once in awhile a small gift like some nice PJ's (you know the gift for her that is acually for you) but she usually wont wear the pjs she just puts them on the hanger wears the old stuff and says shes saving the new ones.(man i hate that)

Took her on beach vacation for 10 days this winter and I got sex 4 times that was less than most people would expect but it was pretty good for me but of coarse there was alot of me giving signals. I wish she would just bring it up once so I could feel wanted a little.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Stuckinrut said:


> Mavash are you saying even though she takes meds for depression and ocd that kills her sex drive she should still fill my needs?


Yes that's exactly what I'm saying.

Unlike men we don't need to be aroused to have sex. She could meet your needs if she wanted to....she just chooses not to. She could also be looking into other meds like yes Wellbutrin but again she chooses not to.

There are plenty of women on here with LD who get that sex is a need of men. It's not at the top of their favorite things to do but they do it because they LOVE their husbands and they do it with enthusiasm.

I don't always feel like cooking or cleaning but I do it because my husband is nice enough to support me as a homemaker. He doesn't always feel like going to work either but he does...each and every day. Marriage is sometimes about doing things you don't like because you LOVE the other person and you want them to be happy. Any other attitude is pure selfishness.


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## whynotrightnow12 (Mar 30, 2013)

Hi, I take both BC pills and SSRI's and I have a very high sex drive. I couldn't go to sleep last night and ended up watching porn until 3am. I guess I am just the exception to the rule. Although I needed to start taking meds for a thyroid disorder about 2 years ago and that made all the difference. 3 days after I started on the thyroid meds, my whole body went through such a dramatic change, like I was suddenly on fire, and for 2 weeks straight, I could think about nothing else but sex. Good luck to you.


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## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

whynotnow may I ask your tsh levels before you took any meds. My wife is a 4.0 and the doctor said she is in the normal range I am starting to wonder if he knows what he is talking about. I am the one that cant sleep at night I am just trying not to mess with her but after a few days I cant help but massaging her back and legs just hoping and praying for a little back but it always leads to "please leave me alone I am trying to sleep" I feel like telling her ya me too but I usually just bite my lip and suffer. I would die for 2 weeks staight of lovin!


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## whynotrightnow12 (Mar 30, 2013)

I will dig up my test results and look up the tsh level for you this evening. Just a question for you: Would she be willing to help you with a BJ or HJ even if she is not in the mood for intercourse? Sometimes when I have too much on my mind and I am not in the mood but my husband is, I can still help him out. He loves BJ's (what man doesn't?) and the 3-to-10 minutes it takes is definitely worth it for me to keep him satisfied.


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## whynotrightnow12 (Mar 30, 2013)

Okay, right now the normal range is considered between 0.3 and 3.0 The normal range was reduced from between 0.3-5.5 to 0.3-3.0 in 2003, so if your wife's level is 4, she may have hypothyroidism, depending on her symptoms and her doctor's interpretation. My TSH level was 8.5 and I was absolutely miserable with classic symptoms of weight gain, thinning hair, body aches, depression, low libido. I am still not 100% back to my normal self but at least now I enjoy life again.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Yes that's exactly what I'm saying.
> 
> Unlike men we don't need to be aroused to have sex. She could meet your needs if she wanted to....she just chooses not to. She could also be looking into other meds like yes Wellbutrin but again she chooses not to.
> 
> ...


:smthumbup::smthumbup:

God bless you, Mrs. Mavash!


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Maybe instead of reading about what will get her in the mood, you should ask her. Have a serious conversation and not in the bedroom. Maybe her medication isn't working as well as it could. I'm not sure I read what she is taking it for but I know that if you feel depressed, it is hard to feel pleasure from anything. She may feel fine but sometime you don't notice the difference until you up the disage and start to feel better. 
Again, she should try switching medications too as originally stated by some.
Above all, don't make it an option. Tell her this is how you feel and you want her to work with you towards a solution. Don't drop it at the first sign of her resisting any change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

Kermitty thanks for the advise but I have been asking her(how can I help, what do you like, what is the issue) for 10 yrs and I always get the same answer. It helps for about 12 hrs then back to the same old thing.

YES her meds are not working! She has been to theapy off and on for 10 yrs and tried over a half dozen different meds none of them doing much. She is on prozac now and it works some but I am convinced it might be her thyroid. She has all the symptoms for thyroid problems and when we mention it to her doctors they say "no I dont think so". Last week we requested that they run a full thyroid test and hopefully she can do that within the next week. She was also prescribed Abilify last week for her depression but has not started taking it yet as we feel it might be a thyroid issue and dont want to be starting two things at once then we will never be able to figure out what works.

I made this post to find out the percentage of people that feel the BC and ANTID ruin their sex drive because I can see that my wife will probably never be able to go off antidepressants and I am going to have to learn how to deal with no intimacy and very little good sex. 

I just read the post about stop hoping and start taking action. That used to work 10 yrs ago I would wake her up at 2am or when we woke up in the morning and we would have great sex that felt like she acually wanted me. Now if I try roll her over before 2pm on her days off she is says "dont I am trying to sleep" and I am thinking ya you have been since 10pm. I have tried coming home after work and kissing her on the neck while asking her how her day went (she never tries to get any kisses back) that all goes good till I try make a move then she can find 100 excuses. Then after a couple days of begging she will give in usually the bend over with her shirt on quicky style. I feel like I should give her a 50$ after I am done. The other thing that bothers me its always her rules 100% or its off. The rules generally are her shirt on, no new positions (we have 2), No oral (which I love love love to give her but its only happened half dozen times she says it grooses her out) so you get the picture adding some spice to our sex life is not an option she wont hear of it.

She does say from time to time "some times all I think you want from me is sex". Well yes I almost feel that way too because I know it takes a couple days of beggng to get her to cave so I have to start early. If I could just make a move and get it when I want I wouldnt have to bother you so much with it. I told her "Every day is my dream but 3x a week I would be 100% happpy." 
I dont think I am being unrealistic here am I?
I am thinking I need to start doing research on how to lower my libido so I dont go nuts because I love her dearly and dont want to move on.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

If she thinks all you want is sex than it may be a bigger issue than just her libido. Off and on therapy? Has it been with the same therapist? Perhaps you should talk to a sex therapist together.

I hope you get the thyroid checked. It stinks that doctors aren't taking your concerns seriously. 

I'm on antidepressants. My sex drive is just as high if not higher than my husbands. Maybe that will give you hope that it isn't the medication. Although I don't know about birth control as I'm not on that. 

I can't remember if you said she used to have a high sex drive and then it changed or she has always been like this? She sounds really uncomfortable with her body and sex in general. Have these issues been addressed in therapy? Have you gone to any of her sessions? I realize I don't have the right answer but being a woman and being on meds myself, this sounds like a deeper issue than just chemically induced low libido.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

I have my fingers crossed its the thyroid because she hasnt tried messing with that at all yet.

The on and off was a yrs ago she would start to improve then think she can do it by herself quit going spiral downward then go back again happened a couple times. Then her therapist got pregnant and took a year off just when she was starting to do better. That kind of sent her down again thinking "I am just ment to be screwed up" attitude. Now her therapist she likes is back and I sat her down and said line up an apointment for yourself or I will. She did and has gone to a couple appt. already and I can already see an improvment but she is so set in her routine its very hard for her to change anything.

I know the sex problem at the moment is not all from the meds she has horrible body image, ocd, anxiety, and depression. Good to hear there is hope then with the antidepressants because I dont see those ever going away. She has never had HD but 10 yrs ago she atleast would kiss me and act like she wanted sex couple times a month. 

If you ever met her you would never know her struggles as she hides them very well and is the nicest person I have ever met always willing to help the next stanger.

Thanks for all the comments !


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Stuck, keep in mind that her OCD makes her a slave to her compulsive thoughts/beliefs. If she has body image issues, that is a bigger mood killer than any med or combination med. You want to touch and she imagines that what you are touching is the most repulsive disgusting thing on the planet. Those thoughts cannot coincide with arousal. So she isn't likely to be highly responsive until she is neurologically evened out, whether via thyroid, or meds, or therapy.

But she is certainly capable of understanding your needs are important too. You may actually help her alleviate her guilt at not being the kind of wife you deserve/want if you simply acknowledge she isn't into having sex but you have a need and you'd like her to meet it. Not the most passionate thing I understand, but it does allow for some intimacy and most important it does encourage honesty on both your parts. In addition, you can begin to paint the picture of what a healthy loving sex life looks like, something to aim for as she journeys to healthy-land.

I would urge you to get her off oral BC as soon as possible. Worse case scenario, you make a sperm bank deposit for a time when you both are ready and then have a vasectomy. I don't know of anyone who is content with oral BC and how it makes them lose interest in sex and or gain weight.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

Bro, I completely feel your pain. Your wife sounds similar to mine. She too lost interest in sex about seven years ago. It wasn't up until recently she showed an interest in me. In my mind, her BC was the EXACT reason why she wasn't interested. It felt like we were roommates rather than lovers. I had my baws whacked back in November, and she's been off BC for five months now. She has had a marked improvement. It's not what it used to be, but man, it's at least three times better than what it was. I was at my wit's end. No joke. That was our ONLY argument. But you know what? even though she didn't WANT to have sex, ever, she still tried. She would still have sex at least once, mostly twice a week. The problem was, in my mind, she didn't want me at all. Sex is nothing to me, unless it has meaning. But at least she would do it. There is hope in all of this. I sincerely believe that BC has the potential to lower libido. And trust me when I say this, it wasn't always about sex. I wanted her to want me (pardon the Cheap Trick lick). I wanted flirtation, a little petting, a pinch on the ass, a smack on the lips etc etc.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

And even though you haven't mentioned it I don't think, please don't consider an affair to assuage your grief over the lack of sex. I never once strayed from the marital boundaries, despite having ample opportunity.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

stevehowefan said:


> And even though you haven't mentioned it I don't think, please don't consider an affair to assuage your grief over the lack of sex. I never once strayed from the marital boundaries, despite having ample opportunity.


(OOT mode on)

Mr. Stevehowefan, I am also a Steve Howe fan  I love his works in the early Yes era (the "Close To The Edge" era)

(OOT mode off)


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

My wife is on ADs (she's been on them for 10 years now) for her OCD and she has no libido whatsoever. Zero, zilch. Basically, they have ruined our sex life and ultimately our marriage. She has sex with me occasionally (once a month, because she knows I want it, otherwise she would be probably happy with once every six months). I'm afraid you'll have to resign yourself to a life of very little sex, unless you divorce her. I'm staying because of the kids. My wife won't go to therapy to solve her issues. Apparently, it takes ages, it's very expensive and her sister (with the same problem) tried for years with no outcome... well, thanks! What about me and our marriage? Good luck, mate, you need it!


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## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

Its been 2 years since I started this thread. We have had our ups and downs and recently I sorry to say back in a slump. I do have some new things to share. My wife has been taking her thyroid meds now for awhile and recently had her blood work checked and her levels went from 4.0 to just .5 yes 1/2. So right away I was thinking "yes!!! that is why we had that upswing in life for a couple months." So her doctor recommended lowering her thyroid med dose to half of what she was on. Well its been a month on the lower dose and not seeing any change in her thinking its time I suggest getting blood work checked again to see if it shows any improvement.

My wife also went off the BC 4 months ago hoping that will bring her sex drive out of the basement and we/she is thinking about a baby. There has been no change with libido. I would like to try have a baby because we are getting to the age its either now or never. The other part to that is it scares me to have a baby with the Debbie downer mood she is always in at the same time I wonder if not having a baby is part of the reason she is depressed. She said she talked to her phycologist about it and the doc seems like it maybe would not be a bad idea giving her something to keep her busy and mind on somthing that matters. It just seems if she is not working she is usually napping so am I going to be the one taking care of this kid 24/7 because I won't be able to handle that with the 80 hr work weeks.

I took her on an island down south on a beach vacation this winter hoping that would snap her out of her funk it didn't go to well IMO. We had fun and it was fun to get away but here is some examples of why it seems messed up. We go to this very nice hotel w/ private hot tub on the deck which see has begged for a few times. I thought what the h*ll we only live once and I thought it might spark a fire in her. The first night we get back to the room after a nice meal at a open fire pit fancier restaurant I jump in the tub first she was in bathroom about 30 min later I notice reflection on the glass the TV changing channels. I jump out of tub to see what it talking so long she is already in bed watching TV eating chips at 8:30 said she didnt feel like hot tubing. I tell you THAT WAS A MAJOR KICK IN THE NUTS! That night no sex or tubing. In the morning I think she could sense the quietness in me and offered some duty sex. I will admit I took this opportunity and glad I did because it was the last chance I got on the trip. My buddies joke about what is it with sand because it turn women horny... Well it doesn't work with mine nothing does. The second and third night she does come in the tub but gets out fairly quickly says its too hot. She always out lasts me when laying under a blanket (I get way too hot) so I think it was not a too hot issue but something else. The rest of the trip goes good except for no intimacy other than if lots of people around she will kiss me (putting out this false message of man everything is so great with us) if we are laying in bed she has blankets covering everything but her head so I try kiss her cheek and she says"don't I hate it when you kiss my face" I wouldn't care if she had dog sh*t on her lips if she would kiss me like she needed me or wanted me I would be in heaven. 

The other thing that raises red lag to me is not 1x during our trip did she "get ready for a night out" I bought her nice 2crt diamond (fake) gold stud earings for valentines day (I have told her dozens of times I like it when she wears those) she still has not even tried them on. She never did her hair just washed it and wrapped it up in a huge bun (which I have told her dozens of times I l don't care for her hair like that). I guess it just seems weird to me she doesn't care enuff about herself or me to want to dress up and look nice 1 night on a big caribbean vacation. 

I do think she loves me a little somewhere in that heart but the chemicals in her body must be all messed up. The lack of intimacy is the hardest part to deal with. I hate feeling like a roommate. The funny thing is when I go on a trip with my buddies she acts like she misses me so much then I get home and she barley looks at me. I will admit I do like going on trips without her because I don't have that worthless feeling because she texts me like she wants me even tho I know that will end as soon as I get home it feels nice.


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