# Are These $$ Numbers $$ Good/Bad/Crazy/or what?



## Eagle84 (Aug 25, 2020)

Wife of 25 years wants divorce; has agreed trial separation. I've been a decent steady hardworking husband but haven't met her expectations (and no adultery/affairs, abuse, addiction, not overweight/in shape/healthy, etc). I always trying to win her affections (dates, flowers, gifts, nice surprises, etc.) - and all for what? I'm not good enough - for her. Her problem/wish I could make it work though.

She's asked for this/don't want to reveal actuals so these are the percentages of my take-home pay (bet. $7-8K/mo after tax/deds.)

Is this reasonable and fair? 

First six months: *45%* of my take-home pay (thp)
Next six months: *37.5%* of _current _thp
Sep '21-May '25: *30%* of _current_ thp (youngest turns 18)
Thereafter: *$1K/mo* until death/remarriage
If I earn more those percentages drop/she's asked for fixed amts but I don't want to divulge too much. That includes child support + "alimony." I realize this could all change IF she files for divorce and renegotiates this and/or, really, at any time tries to sue for more. She moves out/I stay w/house/nothing sold for now. Joint custody of the kids (teens).

Her downsides: Not having earned a steady income at all in 15+ years and a pattern of emotional entanglements (infidelity but nothing acted on) so she wants out to try and get it on with another guy/can't bring herself to have an affair. She's sharp and can land a job making $50K+ in a week in our market. She wants out so bad she if she lands a good job she may ask for less. 

Are her numbers above fair to me or nuts? What other advice do I need?

_TIA._


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

What is it your think she can get a job doing making 50k a year after not having worked in so long?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

The only advice you should be following is that of an attorney, like yesterday. You need to stand up for yourself. Screw what she wants. Make an appointment for initial consultation with 2-3 lawyers. They will tell you what your rights are ,what you actually need to do and know. Hurry up don't delay a minute, don't be a fool.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I’d think any evaluation worthwhile considering would be tuned to your local laws and practices. For instance, in some states, judges don’t bring alimony into the picture.

Some states have online calculators for child support, based on incomes and ages etc.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You really do need to talk to an attorney about this and get a signed agreement. If you are going to be separated, perhaps you should be a legal separation. Than can then be turned into a divorce somewhere down the road.

There are online calculators for child support and alimony for each state. They are good for getting a rough idea of what to expect.

One of the things that you need to take into consideration is that the tax laws have changed for alimony/support payments. It used to be that the person who receives the support pays income taxes. Now it's the person who pays who pays the income taxes. So your payments to her need to be calculated after income tax and not on your gross income.

Another think is the length of time you would be required to pay support, it might not be a forever thing. You need to find out. 

Ask your attorney if a stipulation can be added to the separation and/or divorce agreement that she is required to do everything she can to become self supporting. And if she does not make a reasonable attempt, alimony/support ends.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Ditto on talk to an attorney. She can ask for the moon, but your state laws will dictate what she is and isn't entitled to. Typically you would be on the hook for child support and alimony, as well as a 50/50 split of martial assets. Again, depending on where you live. You said she wants out "so bad", so maybe you can use that to your advantage to get something more favorable to you.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

I know people who have gotten completely screwed with alimony. I am mostly against it altogether. There is mo reason for it to ever extend more than a couple years past the divorce though. That part of the law needs significant change.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

GutShot7 said:


> I know people who have gotten completely screwed with alimony. I am mostly against it altogether. There is mo reason for it to ever extend more than a couple years past the divorce though. That part of the law needs significant change.


Haaa if spousal support is limited to nothing, or only a couple of years, men who desire their spouse and mother of their children to be a homemaker for a good number of years while their children are young are gonna be **** OUT OF LUCK because no sane woman will give up employment for an extended time to raise young children without that protection in place.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

a pattern of emotional entanglements (infidelity but nothing acted on) so she wants out to try and get it on with another guy/can't bring herself to have an affair.

You really believe this??? I call BS. She is wanting out before it blows up in her face and everyone learns who the boyfriend is. She gets divorced then she can be public with him with out being the bad guy in this.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Haaa if spousal support is limited to nothing, or only a couple of years, men who desire their spouse and mother of their children to be a homemaker for a good number of years while their children are young are gonna be **** OUT OF LUCK because no sane woman will give up employment for an extended time to raise young children without that protection in place.


That's fine. Nobody should still be reliant on a former spouse multiple years after no longer being together. A couple years is enough time to get the skills or education needed to get a solid job.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Never reward bad behavior, that fact she did not act on it does not make her a saint, so what in the hell should she receive alimony for life in any denomination....so no i do not find it fair at all and neither should you. I am willing to be the the formula used by the court would be more advantage for you...remember she is divorcing you to screw legally


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

GutShot7 said:


> That's fine. Nobody should still be reliant on a former spouse multiple years after no longer being together. A couple years is enough time to get the skills or education needed to get a solid job.


********. Let's see you be out of the workforce then try to get back in a decade later. Let's see what job you get and what your salary is.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I have no reference for alimony. I would talk to a friend that has been through it he a lawyer.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Livvie said:


> ******. Let's see you be out of the workforce then try to get back in a decade later. Let's see what job you get and what your salary is.


That's why giving it a couple years max. Thats time to go back to school, get training, etc. Personally I dont think its wise to go that long without working. 
Have to be able to support yourself just in case.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Livvie said:


> Haaa if spousal support is limited to nothing, or only a couple of years, men who desire their spouse and mother of their children to be a homemaker for a good number of years while their children are young are gonna be **** OUT OF LUCK because no sane woman will give up employment for an extended time to raise young children without that protection in place.


Exactly, which is why any man that is actually searching for a SAHM should have their head examined.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

A few points.

1) Whatever things you or she did that was either good or bad is irrelevant. This is a business deal now. You are negotiating numbers. Try to be as dispassionate as possible. In private you can be as angry, sad, or joyous as you want, but when you are around her and when you are involved in working on the agreement be as unemotional as possible.

2) Her wanting out fast is to your advantage. The longer you drag it out the higher the likelihood she starts to think about it and become more greedy. Her friends will start to talk to her and convince her she is due 100% and that you're literally the devil. So, don't roll over but do try to get to a good outcome as fast as possible.

3) In the long run it isn't worth arguing or haggling over relatively small things. That is, arguing over who gets to keep something worth $5k isn't actually worth it in the long run in many cases. Getting it done is worth a lot! Of course try to get a fair deal but if you have to give up an expensive new tv just let it go. You can replace stuff. You can earn more money.

4) But hold your line in the sand when you have to. Show some strength in negotiations if for no other reason than for her to realize she can't steamroll you. For me it was a minor money amount but it was *my *tools.

5) Your state laws and court precedents determine if those numbers are reasonable where you live. This is a legal matter, not a matter of fairness or justice. Having said that, in my state after 20 yrs of marriage you'd be on the hook for 50% for life. That's alimony, child support is on top of that! So it could be worse than what she is asking for.

6) Child support is a fixed thing. Your state court's website will give you precise instructions on how to calculate it. Pull that out of what she is asking for to find out what the "alimony" is she wants.

7) I would change the formulation a bit. First of all you need a rock solid provision if she cohabitates then the alimony ends. Something like spending more than 1 night per week either with someone at her place or her at their place. Make it gender neutral. Define it carefully, like being there any time between 10 pm and 6 am. I know a person who has a cohabitation clause but she gets around it because there is no "overnight" limitation. They live at her house and he keeps a really cheap apartment just to be able to claim he has his own home and thus they aren't cohabitating! You need to define it very tightly.

Next, I would provide incentive for her to work. Think of it this way, if she gets $50 alimony from you but would lose all of it if she took a $50k job, she has no motivation to work! So some kind of reduction, maybe 50%. If she earns $30k, she loses $15k of your alimony. So she is ahead by working. Or in the first year or two she only loses 25%, and by the later years she loses 100%. The idea is she has incentive to work, which in the end does save you money. Ignore that she gets "more", just look at it as you pay less.

Finally, you need to end your payments to her at some reasonable point in time. I suspect her $1k/month may be something she is willing to give away in negotiations. Anyhow, there is no reason she can't work when the youngest is in high school! Divorce means you and she are no longer joined, so she has no inherent human right to take your labors for her benefit. She is entitled to some share of what you two have accumulated while married, but once divorced she is a separate individual who does not own you. Your obligation is to provide for your children and to give her a fair opportunity to become gainfully employed. Assuming her stay-at-home status was agreed upon, you do owe her some very few years of support to get back earning a decent income. But that is it! Five years seems plenty to me. She can get training if needed, and with the kids in their teens she doesn't need to be in the home all day.

At the very least your subsidies need to end when you reach a certain age or when you retire, whichever comes first.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Thor said:


> A few points.
> 
> 1) Whatever things you or she did that was either good or bad is irrelevant. This is a business deal now. You are negotiating numbers. Try to be as dispassionate as possible. In private you can be as angry, sad, or joyous as you want, but when you are around her and when you are involved in working on the agreement be as unemotional as possible.
> 
> ...


The only silly part of this is the "cohabitation" part. Sleeping over at someone's house 2 nights a week isn't cohabitating. Cohabitating means you share living expenses. Don't know why anyone would agree to stop receiving spousal support just because they have a boyfriend they have overnights with. Occasional overnight boyfriend does not equal shared living expenses.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

In a negotiation like this, the best tactic is to stall. She made her demands AND wants it quickly. Well, can't have both. Say ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. She will get impatient and eventually come down on her demands just to speed up the process. Use that to your advantage.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

WOW! And some wonder why I will NEVER do another 'formal' relationship! 
Livvie lives in the 'insanity' world! I nearly pissed myself when they said, "no sane woman will give up employment for an extended time to raise young children without that protection in place."

Our legal system has men totally screwed! Livvie, I can take you to an entire side of a big city where EVERY woman's goal is to hook a guy that makes bank so they can "stay at home with the kids". I was literally attached to one for several years!!! She is pizzed that she was still having to work! I have watched all these women sitting at the pool with a Margarita while 'watching the kids'..... They they want to whine about their man helping around the house!!!

So you marry a woman for 20 YEARS, buy EVERYTHING because she does not work (by choice), then she gets an itch for a new d**k, and she knows she has 'put her time in' because she already knows the laws, takes your money and hops on a new ride? 

Yep, I can literally think of one very good old man that was probably pushing 60 when his wife of EXACTLY 20yrs filed for divorce. She knew exactly what she was doing. 

Women love to make the argument (actually stated in this thread) that women out of the workforce for a while can't make any money......Are you telling me you married a dictator? He is in charge of your destiny? Or were you just really happy to get the 'easy life' and forgot to get an education or do anything but 'raise the kids'? 

I can certainly see where a certain amount of "temporary compensation" might be in order, but IMO, this lifetime BS is just stupid! This is exactly what we did with the welfare system!!!! Look how well that works! We now pay morons to burn down cities!!! Then WE get to pay to fix it!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

bobsmith said:


> WOW! And some wonder why I will NEVER do another 'formal' relationship!
> Livvie lives in the 'insanity' world! I nearly pissed myself when they said, "no sane woman will give up employment for an extended time to raise young children without that protection in place."
> 
> Our legal system has men totally screwed! Livvie, I can take you to an entire side of a big city where EVERY woman's goal is to hook a guy that makes bank so they can "stay at home with the kids". I was literally attached to one for several years!!! She is pizzed that she was still having to work! I have watched all these women sitting at the pool with a Margarita while 'watching the kids'..... They they want to whine about their man helping around the house!!!
> ...


Calm down. All of the men who _chose_ to fund their partners life fully for 20 years (!!!) (that is waaaayyyy longer than until the kids go to school at age 5 unless you have 8 kids or something) have no one to blame but themselves for making THAT choice. However, for normal, not entitled women, the protection of spousal support for a time period (no one said forever, either) is a needed protection if someone is going to spend some years out of the workforce raising children. I'll say it again, no sane woman would make a move that financially dangerous without it.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

And I will say again, "I know TONS of women that have/had no strategy in life other than to find a man with some cash flow". They worry more about getting their nails/hair perfect, get that spray tan, that low top, but nah, nevs on an education or life plan. Sure, they might have a J/O/B/ (just over broke), but it cannot even get close to covering their lifestyle. They literally bank on the crooked system to support them after their man gets older and tired from shoveling money to her, and she jumps on a new ride. Let her new ride support her!!!


Thor said:


> 5) Your state laws and court precedents determine if those numbers are reasonable where you live. This is a legal matter, not a matter of fairness or justice. Having said that, in my state after 20 yrs of marriage you'd be on the hook for *50% for life*. That's alimony, child support is on top of that! So it could be worse than what she is asking for.


I don't know what state this person is in, but I would friggin run. Probably CA! That is the most crooked state the USA has.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> I don't know what state this person is in, but I would friggin run. Probably CA! That is the most crooked state the USA has.


Not CA. Much better than there in almost every way except perhaps alimony.

The court precedent is to split the gross combined income, so each person gets half. At 20 yrs marriage it is a lifetime award. It, however, does not necessarily recalculate. It depends on the situation.

Example, Spouse A makes $150k and Spouse B makes $50k, for a combined household income of $200k before the divorce. The court will award each $100k, which means A pays B $50k per year for life. Now if A voluntarily chooses a change in situation which reduces income below $150k the court will not likely reduce the amount due to B. A will continue to pay B $50k regardless. If A increases earnings then B could petition the court to increase payments. Thus B gets half of any increase A earns after the divorce! If A's income increases by $50k then the alimony to B increases by $25k. A only keeps half of any increase.

Now if B voluntarily chooses a change in situation which reduces income, the amount A pays B doesn't change. Thus B could choose to quit work altogether and just collect $50k per year forever! But, if B increases income then A could petition the court to reduce payments. As a simple example if B increases earnings by $10k then alimony reduces by 5k. B loses half of any raise because alimony is reduced. So there is little incentive for B to work harder, get additional qualifications, or take on more responsibilities, because alimony reductions kick in.

It is an evil system!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Livvie said:


> The only silly part of this is the "cohabitation" part. Sleeping over at someone's house 2 nights a week isn't cohabitating. Cohabitating means you share living expenses. Don't know why anyone would agree to stop receiving spousal support just because they have a boyfriend they have overnights with. Occasional overnight boyfriend does not equal shared living expenses.


Mostly agreed, but there is a lot of grey area. The woman I know literally lives with her bf, but he keeps that cheap apartment to get around the cohabitation clause. One night per week sleepover is not cohabitating. 7 nights is. Somewhere in between is the dividing line. A couple can have fun time without it being a sleep over. A couple cannot cohabitate without sleepovers.

There needs to be definitions in the cohabitation clause to prevent abuse. Cohabitation itself can be an abuse of the marriage clause which otherwise would terminate alimony. If they don't get married the alimony continues. So now there is the cohabitation clause to eliminate that loophole. Now you have to close the loophole of keeping an unused second address.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

That right there should make every man want to cut their ring finger off and forget it. Or at least plan an exit at 18yrs. I realize some might say the woman might make more, but I say "yeah right" those deals don't work for 20yrs. Women don't want to be the bread winners, they just want the bread given to them.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Isn't the problem that men are actually letting this happen (don't blame it on marriage)? Women can be looking for a man just to support her lifestyle, but men don't need to sign up to do that. They can choose someone who is more self supporting. Heck, at the beginning of my marriage I earned more then my husband and supported us both for awhile while he changed careers.

I think OP definitely needs to visit an attorney before agreeing to anything.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I dont really underdstand why one spouse should get paid alimony for themsleves, children yes of course. IEspecially if she is the one who wants out of the marriage. In the UK it can be worked out that you pay a percentage of your take home pay for each child. I think its 11% for each one but not totally sure. 
What usually happens is that she says what she wants, you say what you want and then the agreement is somewherere in the middle. You definitely need legal advise though, dont settle for her first request.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bobsmith said:


> That right there should make every man want to cut their ring finger off and forget it. Or at least plan an exit at 18yrs. I realize some might say the woman might make more, but I say "yeah right" those deals don't work for 20yrs. Women don't want to be the bread winners, they just want the bread given to them.


Not all of us.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Eagle84 said:


> Wife of 25 years wants divorce; has agreed trial separation. I've been a decent steady hardworking husband but haven't met her expectations (and no adultery/affairs, abuse, addiction, not overweight/in shape/healthy, etc). I always trying to win her affections (dates, flowers, gifts, nice surprises, etc.) - and all for what? I'm not good enough - for her. Her problem/wish I could make it work though.
> 
> She's asked for this/don't want to reveal actuals so these are the percentages of my take-home pay (bet. $7-8K/mo after tax/deds.)
> 
> ...


Not just remarriage, but also living with someone.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

bobsmith said:


> That right there should make every man want to cut their ring finger off and forget it. Or at least plan an exit at 18yrs. I realize some might say the woman might make more, but I say "yeah right" those deals don't work for 20yrs. Women don't want to be the bread winners, they just want the bread given to them.


Maybe the women in your social circles. I make more than my exH. When I left my exH I asked him for nothing. And when I started dating, I wanted a guy that could support himself...I don’t need him to support me. I work hard in my career and it’s very fulfilling. Even if I married a guy who had millions I would not give it up. When my kids were little I worked less hours to keep them out of daycare but I would not stop working all together. Because of that my pay rate increased yearly to where I am now making more than a lot of guys I know. I stayed invested in my career even while raising my girls and it has paid off very well for me. 

Just because you hang in circles with women who want to be taken care of doesn’t mean ALL women are like them. I love being self sufficient. And most of the women I know are the same as me.

ETA: to bring this back to the OP’s question...I agree that you need to see a lawyer before you make any decisions.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> I dont really underdstand why one spouse should get paid alimony for themsleves, children yes of course. IEspecially if she is the one who wants out of the marriage.


There are a couple of answers related to the US courts.

1) In some places, like where I live especially, stay at home moms is a common thing. Especially during the younger years. It is an agreed upon arrangement whereby the woman contributes in the home rather than by earning $$. The theory is they have both agreed he would provide the $$, and so in divorce he should provide something towards her support and getting qualified to fully support herself.

2) The longer the marriage the more entitled both are to the lifestyle they have built together. They have, in theory, agreed to the unequal earnings being enjoyed equally between them.

3) The longer the marriage the less able the lower earner is to build a higher income.

4) The courts don't care about fairness or any details of the marriage or what caused the divorce. They just want to move the cases through quickly. They don't want any opportunity for claims the judge hurt women or children (most family law judges are elected). They want to ensure people don't end up on public assistance.

Now I agree that upon divorce the claim against the higher earner should cease except to provide an opportunity for a SAHM/SAHD to gain qualifications. Unfortunately, all it takes is one judge to create a precedent and that becomes the new baseline for everyone else.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

notmyjamie said:


> Maybe the women in your social circles. I make more than my exH. When I left my exH I asked him for nothing. And when I started dating, I wanted a guy that could support himself...I don’t need him to support me. I work hard in my career and it’s very fulfilling. Even if I married a guy who had millions I would not give it up. When my kids were little I worked less hours to keep them out of daycare but I would not stop working all together. Because of that my pay rate increased yearly to where I am now making more than a lot of guys I know. I stayed invested in my career even while raising my girls and it has paid off very well for me.


Oh come on..... You asked for nothing in your divorce because you likely checked with an attorney and found out you would not be able to get much because you worked! 

And do you really want me to believe that if you married a guy with 'millions' that you would not go after his money when you finally leave? Sure! But like most, they want it ALL right up front. 

Let me tell you another vengeful story. Know an older gentlemen very well, and one of the most ethical businessmen I know. Had a very successful BIG business. He expanded very early and brought a partner in a 49% ownership because, like I say, he was a smart businessman. His wife cheated, filed for divorce, and wanted nothing else but the house and 50% of this man's 51%..... She then took that cut right to the partner and sold it to him, and the guy that started the company got removed from his own company! 

If there is one thing I have learned in relationships, trust NO ONE! I have heard women say "if you need a prenup, you don't love me"....But if woman has a bunch of money, that is common place! Matter of fact, I plan to add this language to my estate trust, should my kids be dumb enough to put a ring on. My estate is NOT going to any vengeful ex wife.


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## Eagle84 (Aug 25, 2020)

*Thank you all...
Great insights here / more info for you...*

We live in Ten nessee near enough to a major market.
Married 25+ years: 
Looking at lifetime alimony in TN if goes thru court.
Overly-simplistic online calculator suggests $2,835/mo (lifetime).
She's asking for fixed "alimony+child support" amts of 
$3,000/first 6 mos, 
$2,500/next 6 mos, 
$2,000 — May 2025, then
$1,000— retirement, death, her remarriage (I'll add cohabitation)
I keep house; sell & divide later.

Legally she can always sue for more support.
Joint custody of our minor kids.


Her income potential:
BA in business admin & self-studies for her home-business plans including
Recent re-certifications in accounting,
Recent certification in sales/marketing writing,
Life coach certification/never really used (_clearly_),
Exp. in writing, graphic/web design, online marketing, etc.

She's sharp, smart, attractive, focussed.
Excellent writing & speaking skills. 
As stay at home mom has always focused on home making and at-home businesses 
More money-making _hobby_ than real income.
Not into TV, novels, etc. Spends most of her free time constructively.

If she got entry-level pay she'd rock past that in a good company in a year.
Many companies doing more remote/WFH due to covid.


Other guy: Told mutual friend that she's a good friend but "not my type." Been a friend of mine too. 
She's had feelings for him 10 years+/not a passing crush or limerence.
He knows she asked me for divorce/still staying a "friend" despite knowing her feelings for him.
He's being moronic. A good guy, but moronic. Still hate to lose him over this.

He went thru horrible divorce/told her all about it years ago: she knows what kind of hell it is.
Years ago she got "entangled" online w/bf from before me yrs ago/lasted apx 18 mos.


If I call lawyer: I know from others and past exp. they make compelling case for using them. They know how to manipulate; looking for someone not in it for money. 

Advice here so far is very rich - thank you. I may have to call an atty anyway U/L I can find a retiree or some non-profit that offers help. Company EAP didn't help much.


/Eagle84


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

bobsmith said:


> Oh come on..... You asked for nothing in your divorce because you likely checked with an attorney and found out you would not be able to get much because you worked!
> 
> 
> *I didn't have a lawyer. We settled via mediation. We sat down and worked everything out as evenly and fairly as possible. I frequently pay for things for my kids that I do not ask my exH for his share of because it's just not worth the effort. *
> ...


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Eagle84 said:


> *Thank you all...
> Great insights here / more info for you...*
> 
> We live in Ten nessee near enough to a major market.
> ...


If she can legally sue for more support, can't you sue for a reduction in support if she starts making lots more money? I would make sure that is added into the settlement as well. If she does as well as you expect that's going to change the numbers going into that calculator.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Eagle84 said:


> If I call lawyer: I know from others and past exp. they make compelling case for using them. They know how to manipulate; looking for someone not in it for money.
> 
> Advice here so far is very rich - thank you. I may have to call an atty anyway U/L I can find a retiree or some non-profit that offers help. Company EAP didn't help much.


Well my friend, it looks like you are seeking excuses to either no use a lawyer, or on the free/cheap. remember you get what you pay for. You pay a good lawyer, you get the best possible outcome for you. You don't pay a lawyer, prepare yourself to lose not only your shirts. Your choice.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I suggest not settling the house now. You want everything nailed down tight when the papers are signed. Anything left open is a source of future court time.

The most I would be comfortable with is a set dollar amount today which she is entitled to, but you don't have to pay it to her until a particular future date. This is still open to future claims that you owe her more, if property values go way up, or you losing money if property values go down.

Ideally you each are in a home which you each own separately and without any attachment to the other.

You should discuss possible liability issues with a lawyer. If she is sued, for example, can they come after your portion of the house if you are still joint owners? There are a lot of landmines with anything not completely separated in the divorce.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Eagle, I think you have the right idea. She already knows exactly what the numbers are. One thing you can BET on is she will be in bed with someone else in a hot minute so working that language in would be key to null ALL the payments. If you say "married", she will probably just avoid that forever, but she will probably move in with someone within months if not weeks. 

As you say, your soon ex has some cards to play so those types have options, and they want to explore them SOON. 

You may also have leverage in the potential infidelity situation. I have certainly heard of P.I.s being hired in cases like this.


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