# Can a Man Have One Sex Partner in his Whole Life?



## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

I'm a woman so I'm asking about the male perspective. Is it realistically possible that a man will be satisfied if he has just one sex partner in his lifetime? Assuming he marries in his 20's as a virgin and remains reasonably happy in his marriage, then how easy is it for him to keep one partner for the rest of his life? Looking for male opinions, especially from men who were virgins for their first or only marriage.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

No.....


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Hmm, not married and had multiple sex partners.

I would still say no, and that goes for both sexes. We are designed to be curious and seek novelty to feel alive.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

So then do you believe that a man who marries as a virgin will end up cheating to get more sexual experience? Did you marry as a virgin?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

So far.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Yes, but these days it is highly unusual. It may still be a goal for some, though. There's nothing wrong with this, and nothing wrong with having multiple, either.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Of course its possible. As others say, not the norm anymore, but I bet it happens more than you think.

I have a number of mormon friends that come to mind, married very young and stil faithful and I think happy too.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

My first sex partner was an abused girl, whom was used by gang members for sex when she was 14. Her mother died of a drug overdose and she lived with a foster family. Needless to say, I grew up in pretty bad places.

My friend's parents met in middle school and got married out of high school and are still married in their mid-forties. As far as I know, their marriage has always been great.

It is just a highly unlikely prospect nowadays.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

jorgegene said:


> Of course its possible. As others say, not the norm anymore, but I bet it happens more than you think.
> 
> I have a number of mormon friends that come to mind, married very young and stil faithful and I think happy too.


I know numerous couples who are the same way but all young too. Because of how the norms have changed I wonder if it can really last a whole lifetime anymore. Cheating seems to be so commonplace as to be almost expected at some point by one of the two.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Hmm, not married and had multiple sex partners.
> 
> I would still say no, and that goes for both sexes. We are designed to be curious and seek novelty to feel alive.


Agreed. I'm actually in the camp that I would never ever want to marry a virgin or enter into a long term, committed relationship with a woman who has only had me a their only sex partner.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

Of course.
Life is not just about having sex.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It is possible to have no sex partners. It is called self control and only those that don't have it claim it is impossible.

I grew up pretty rough and with no guidance.

I would have loved to be with only one woman for life.

I have a friend who was a virgin and married at 21 to a woman who had been a party girl and had multiple partners.

He has never strayed while she did on at least 3 occasions.

Virginity and promiscuity are not indicators of if someone will cheat or not.

I was horrendously promiscuous before I met my wife but never cheated while dating or in marriage.

I know of several people who married as virgins who cheated and many who did not.

Same goes for us formerly promiscuous types.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Not a guy, but my husband and I have only been with each other. We started dating after high school and have been together for a total of 33 years, married 25 years, no infidelity. He says he's proud of it and gives a specialness to our relationship. I think I keep him pretty happy in the bedroom department. He hasn't complained. I'm not naive to think that he's not wondered what it would be like to have sex with another woman, I've had the same thoughts of other men. I think that's pretty normal.

I think we are the exception to the rule though. It seems few times a year we are hearing about a friend or acquaintance having an affair. As recent as a few weeks ago, another husband left his wife for the other woman. It's depressing.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

MountainRunner said:


> Agreed. I'm actually in the camp that I would never ever want to marry a virgin or enter into a long term, committed relationship with a woman who has only had me a their only sex partner.


Do you mean because you were not a virgin? I don't think a man would be a virgin at marriage but wanting a non-virgin wife, but that you were not virgin and wanted a wife who also has experience. Is that right? I can understand why if you are experienced you may not want someone with no experience. It's not fair to the other person either. I think it's better for people to be more matched in terms of experience.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> It is possible to have no sex partners. It is called self control and only those that don't have it claim it is impossible.
> 
> I grew up pretty rough and with no guidance.
> 
> ...


Very interesting.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cecezakat said:


> Do you mean because you were not a virgin? I don't think a man would be a virgin at marriage but wanting a non-virgin wife, but that you were not virgin and wanted a wife who also has experience. Is that right? I can understand why if you are experienced you may not want someone with no experience. It's not fair to the other person either. I think it's better for people to be more matched in terms of experience.


Try not to over think it.

My friend had no experience and his wife had much.

She still didn't know much of anything in bed and they had to work together to get better at it.

They have been married about 9 years now and have a very healthy sex life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Cecezakat said:


> Do you mean because you were not a virgin? I don't think a man would be a virgin at marriage but wanting a non-virgin wife, but that you were not virgin and wanted a wife who also has experience. Is that right? I can understand why if you are experienced you may not want someone with no experience. It's not fair to the other person either. I think it's better for people to be more matched in terms of experience.


That's a fairly accurate assessment of how I feel, but more for her. I want her to be certain that she is making the right choice when selecting me...with no question(s) in her mind.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I think someone can be faithful to his wife and still the majority of men are. It generally takes some discipline and obviously there would be problems (ventilated here) if a wife became unavailable. How the prior history impacts this is unclear.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

My father and brother never were with any other women. My SIL may not have been a virgin but she was not promiscuous.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I agree with both Conan about self control and Buddy about discipline.

My husband will not isolate himself with another woman or women. Single moms visit the fire station all dolled up, with cookies in one hand and their kid(s) in the other with the "Can you please show my son/daughter the fire engine?". My husband knows exactly what's going on and he removes himself and lets the single guys on the shift takeover.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> I agree with both Conan about self control and Buddy about discipline.
> 
> My husband will not isolate himself with another woman or women. Single moms visit the fire station all dolled up, with cookies in one hand and their kid(s) in the other with the "Can you please show my son/daughter the fire engine?". My husband knows exactly what's going on and he removes himself and lets the single guys on the shift takeover.


That's an excellent habit to keep with the goal of fidelity.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

I was in a long term relationship with someone who was celibate until marriage for religious reasons during college, so needless to say, we didn't have sex. He is currently happily married to the woman he left me for. I assume he's only ever been with her. and so I ended up a 21 year old virgin. I casually dated a little after the break up and on two different occasions encountered people who were interested in sex up until i said i was a virgin. One of them changed his mind later and wanted to help me with my virginity problem, but by then I had found out that he had a long distance girlfriend that he cheated on all the time.

now, sometimes I wish i would have experienced instead of waiting. My husband was interested in sex while we were dating, but now has very little interest. Makes me want to go smack the people who told me that if you wait until marriage, the sex will be so much better. not in my experience. My husband lost his virginity very young, and has had several partners, something that i liked when I met him. I figured at least one of us should know what we were doing. Turns out, ironically, that being experienced did not make him knowledgeable.

My foster brother and his wife (i thought) were both virgins. Last year one of my other brothers said that he got drunk at a party they threw once and had (semi-public) sex, but had no recollection of it, and deeply regretted it. Other than that one instance, i believe he waited. They both seem happy and are faithful.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I had a couple of partners as a teenager so that may disqualify me, but I married my wife 33 years ago, and she is the only person I want or have ever wanted. She was 18 and I was 20 when we got married.


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## mmj5667 (Sep 30, 2015)

It is absolutely possible. If his partner is also a virgin then he probable won't have any problems. However, if his partner has had multiple partners then he may develop retrospective jealousy which is usually a relationship killer. It's hard to tell if he will because it is so random.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

i'm going to throw my vote with @jorgegene. Cece has to many fixed ideas about how the world works.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I haven't cheated yet. I was a virgin when I met my wife, she was most certainly not a virgin! We've been married 33+ years. If the marriage is otherwise good and strong, and the sex is good and frequent, a man can be happy with only one sex partner.

A close friend of mine for religious reasons (not a Mormon) waited until his wedding night to have sex. They've been married about 30 years with no infidelity.

While my sample is skewed, the younger Mormons I know who have had infidelity strike their marriage, it has been the wife who strayed not the husband. While I am sure there are younger male Mormons who have strayed, I don't know any. The older Mormon couples I know who have been married 20+ years there are no cases of infidelity I know of. I do know of one middle aged Mormon couple where there was infidelity but it was a second marriage, so virginity was not involved.

Infidelity is much more common in the non-Mormons I know. This would suggest that virginity is a safety factor not a risk factor in cheating!

So there is no reason to expect a man who has only every had sex with his wife will be a cheater.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Depends on the man.

It would seem that a great many can't (or won't), but I'd imagine that plenty can.

And _do_.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

I married at 22, wife was 18, both of us virgins. Been married 34 1/2 years. No cheating for either of us.
Can't say it hasn't crossed my mind:grin2:....but we've both been faithful. That's part of the vows.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Yes

My father has done it

Had I not been cheated on and divorced I would have as well. I have never been interested is sleeping with as many women as possible and would have been completely fine just being with my X wife. Things just didn't work out that way with me and obviously she felt differently but I was happy with it


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

My father did. Unless he was one hell of a liar, he was very happy with his wife and family.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Most definitely yes, but it will depend on the guy and just as important finding that right person. However, I do think this could become more rare in today's environment given the ease of access to hookups, ease of access to porn, and the glamorization of affairs.

Back at the OP, is it realistically possible that a woman will be satisfied if she has just one sex partner in his lifetime?


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

I think yes a woman can have one sex partner in her lifetime but emotional intimacy is crucial. From some of the posts by men here it seems thats also crucial for husbands as well. If the relationship is good and the couple shares a satisfying connection then just curiousity or sex isn't motivation enough to risk everything. I only asked because I don't know how men feel about this topic and only catch male views that are overheard. What you can overhear men talking about is completely different and I think good men wouldnt talk so publicly about how they are happy sleeping with just their wife forever. I feel this is a good forum to hear people's honest opinions.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

As I said earlier, it's certainly possible. And if you have a great relationship and sex partner, then it may even be desirable or optimal for someone in that situation to have only one partner in their lifetime.

On the other hand, I've found that each new partner (usually) brings something unique and special to sex, and the breadth and depth of such experiences is very enjoyable and satisfying. I wouldn't trade the many for one.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Woman here.

All I know is... I wouldn't want to be with a man who never had a previous sexual partner.

My philosophy is: Practice makes perfect.

That does NOT translate into promiscuity and a slew of Ho-bags. What it DOES translate into is... I'm GLAD he perfected his technique by the time I came along.

Because his technique is perfect.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

One more thing to add...

I think "discussions" of previous sexual escapades is the death-knell for most relationships. All I need to know is, yes, there were others before me.

I don't want to know who they were, what they did, how they did it, how many times, how many different ways, etc. That just creates wicked mind movies.

My SO and I are both very aware that we had previous partners/lovers (for crying out loud, we were both married for long stretches)... But we have kept all the private details to ourselves, which led to a richly rewarding experience as we "discovered" each other...

Just my 2 cents...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> One more thing to add...
> 
> I think "discussions" of previous sexual escapades is the death-knell for most relationships. All I need to know is, yes, there were others before me.
> 
> ...


Do people seriously discuss this within their relationship?? Yikes ...


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Do people seriously discuss this within their relationship?? Yikes ...


Yes! I have girlfriends who have told me they harangue their partners afterwards for nitty-gritty details. So they can feel superior in what just transpired.

"Am I better than the others? Was that the best BJ you ever had? Did anyone else EVER do that to you?"

Can you IMAGINE??? That's why I would never go there.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Do people seriously discuss this within their relationship?? Yikes ...


We have. We talk about everything. But this topic was no more yikes than any other.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

I honestly would think most men would be comfortable(not wandering) staying in the single digits(partners) over the course of their life. This is mainly because of the marketing about sex these days(Hooters/****** madisson/twin peaks/all the sex in movies on TV) Speaking only for myself of course, I'm just hoping not to enter the triple digits over my lifetime because that's just gross...DUDE


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Yes! I have girlfriends who have told me they harangue their partners afterwards for nitty-gritty details. So they can feel superior in what just transpired.
> 
> "Am I better than the others? Was that the best BJ you ever had? Did anyone else EVER do that to you?"
> 
> Can you IMAGINE??? That's why I would never go there.


LOL! Not sure the discussion is the issue so much as the nagging and the one upmanship. Not exactly healthy.


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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

I think it can be done but certainly isnt the majority. Even if a guy marries as a virgin and is OK with that at the time, there will probably come a point in his life that he wishes he had those experiences. Whether he ever acts on them or not will depend on the person I suppose. 

But yes, the Thought of others will most certainly be there at some point or another.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Yes! I have girlfriends who have told me they harangue their partners afterwards for nitty-gritty details. So they can feel superior in what just transpired.
> 
> "Am I better than the others? Was that the best BJ you ever had? Did anyone else EVER do that to you?"
> 
> Can you IMAGINE??? That's why I would never go there.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Been thirty years now with my first and only woman. It can be done. Curious? Yes. Plan on acting on that curiousity, no.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Now we'll find out how many husbands answer whose wives know their sign in name and password!!


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

I have been with only one woman, hope it stays that way. Hasn't always been easy.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Cecezakat said:


> I'm a woman so I'm asking about the male perspective. Is it realistically possible that a man will be satisfied if he has just one sex partner in his lifetime? Assuming he marries in his 20's as a virgin and remains reasonably happy in his marriage, then how easy is it for him to keep one partner for the rest of his life? Looking for male opinions, especially from men who were virgins for their first or only marriage.


I was not a virgin when I married, but I think I would be able to be happy with one sex partner for my whole life if that relationship were happy.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I don't know about every man...I can only tell you about me. I got my girlfriend pregnant when I was 17 and she was 16. We were each other's first sex partner. We got married. Last July we celebrated 43 years of marinage.. I have never had sex with anyone else. Why should I steal a Yugo when I have a Mercedes in the garage? Have I ever thought about it...sure, but that would have a huge potential of ruining a great marriage for a few moments of fun. Now, everything is not perfect. I have a higher desire than she does, but we have regular great sex plus we are best friends so I hope we live well into our 90s and die holding hands only having having sex with each other.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Cecezakat said:


> I'm a woman so I'm asking about the male perspective. Is it realistically possible that a man will be satisfied if he has just one sex partner in his lifetime? Assuming he marries in his 20's as a virgin and remains reasonably happy in his marriage, then how easy is it for him to keep one partner for the rest of his life? Looking for male opinions, especially from men who were virgins for their first or only marriage.


My husband IS one of those men.. . I might just ask him to post for himself...it's been a while.... 

In the past...unfortunately, he did want more sex...between our struggles with infertility, then baby after baby after baby after baby in our 30's... I wasn't exactly "Simply amorous" - but then I came around.. realized I had my head up my butt.. and WOW.. then I wanted to satisfy him more than he could handle!...

We've talked in depth about the DRY years...he craved more but I was off in wonderland, never anything near sexless , I always had a healthy drive, but he was HIGHER over me for many years and we missed each other more than should have been... he was ready, wanting -really every day/ every other day..... he has told me even then he never wanted anyone else.. he didn't go there in his mind, his heart... and honestly.. I have never felt for a moment that he did...or I would have been crushed ...

He is not one to flirt with other women..It's sad I hesitate to say this.. but in today's society or always, the males who DO sleep around seem to be wanted the most by women , the experienced LOVER, something natural about wanting to spread their seed...or what is wrong with him [email protected]#.. 

He's just always been that guy who feels sex with someone you love is very very special, it's meant to be for LIFE, it's not something that should be spread around...he also wanted a woman who felt the same ..

I found me a romantic male one might say... He's the type who views sex very sensual / emotional, it's about bonding/ giving... it's never "just sex" to him...

This doesn't mean, however, he doesn't like LOOKING at







woman though. No, he's the same as any other guy there! 

We've been together since our teens (going on 34 yrs now), married early 20's.....I try to keep things spicy.. he'd attest to that!


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband IS one of those men.. . I might just ask him to post for himself...it's been a while....
> 
> In the past...unfortunately, he did want more sex...between our struggles with infertility, then baby after baby after baby after baby in our 30's... I wasn't exactly "Simply amorous" - but then I came around.. realized I had my head up my butt.. and WOW.. then I wanted to satisfy him more than he could handle!...
> 
> ...


Couldn't agree more with bolded statement. Drives me crazy when people say "It's just sex"


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Possible? It's entirely too possible! ~ 

Probable? Absolutely not!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SA's husband (Apr 9, 2012)

Yes it's possible. I have been with my wife for many years, and I would not want anyone else. There is something special about being with the one you love and I don't believe it would ever be fullfilling to jump around from partner to partner and be alone at the end of the night.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> One more thing to add...
> 
> I think "discussions" of previous sexual escapades is the death-knell for most relationships. All I need to know is, yes, there were others before me.
> 
> ...


Some "discoveries" I'd prefer to make early on. If a man I'm considering as a LTR has some kinks that are dealbreakers for me, but that a previous lover was thrilled to take part in and he's used to, I'd rather know about that early on so we don't waste each others time.



EllisRedding said:


> Do people seriously discuss this within their relationship?? Yikes ...


Yup. DH and I didn't go into excruciating detail, but we knew the highlights. He told me the basics of each of his sexual relationships and I did the same. Sort of an in general thing.



NobodySpecial said:


> We have. We talk about everything. But this topic was no more yikes than any other.


DH and I talk about everything, too. The only time the previous sexual experience conversation was ever yikes was when I had to bumble my way through explaining my kink and how far I'd experimented with it before. It was a very deeply personal thing, something I'd never talked about with anyone, and had only _very _limited actual experience doing.

That whole detailed conversation was beyond necessary as exploring my kink without that knowledge could have been disastrous.


But, back to topic, of course a man can have only one partner in his lifetime and be happy.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Yes, but it would be rather sad. Especially since his wife is likely to leave him for something more exciting when her childrearing urges have been satisfied - leaving him with no experience and an empty life.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Yes. Both virgins - 19 and 20 - now married over 25 years and together over 30.

Very important to work and redefine sexuality as time passes to avoid a mid life crises and affairs. Lots of hard boundaries which come naturally to us - like no friends of opposite sex that are not friends of both (no alone time with opposite sex) - no stewing on problems without hashing it out.

Now having sex daily after reading his needs her needs - very important to take the time for intimacy. And she completely turns me on in 2 seconds flat and when she gets "a hand on the situation" she immediately ramps up too 

You have to like each other, want each other, and want to want each other.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

But I do know I gave up something significant to have the LOML - love of my life. I do know this and it weighs on me at times.... But I have no actual desire to betray the one I love and I have never actually been tempted. Porn doesn't help - it amplifies the issue since it is kind of fairy tale sex from a mans perspective - which is why women should be as vigilant about sexing up her man as he should be at connecting, listening and talking with her. No neglect or the years will amplify small issues into large ones...


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

I've had only 1. My wife has also had only 1. The big positive is there is nothing to compare against. I think it is better this way for us. Less options can be a good thing.

Our first time was in the hotel room during our honeymoon. I was a bit bashful to get naked in front of a girl! So was she. I fumbled my way through and the stress/anxiety led to PIV not happening very well and it was "sex" in name only as I could not penetrate completely.  We still laugh about it. Now we are pros. 

All memories that we have are of us, not with 100 other people that we cannot keep track of. Of course, to each his own.


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## earlyforties (May 3, 2012)

Yes, but we change as we become older and often don't realise quite what we signed up to all those years back. Some words of wisdom would have been useful back then. I'd advise my children not to do the same as me and suggest they 'master their technique' and get to understand the opposite sex and experience life's ups and downs in their late teens/early 20's.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

earlyforties said:


> Yes, but we change as we become older and often don't realise quite what we signed up to all those years back. Some words of wisdom would have been useful back then. *I'd advise my children not to do the same as me and suggest they 'master their technique' and get to understand the opposite sex and experience life's ups and downs in their late teens/early 20's.*


The only thing I don't understand about the bolded, if they happen to meet the right person early on, are you saying they should risk/throw that away for the sake of technique mastering? Granted, at that time obviously there is no guarantee that person is "the one", but you never know.


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## earlyforties (May 3, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> The only thing I don't understand about the bolded, if they happen to meet the right person early on, are you saying they should risk/throw that away for the sake of technique mastering? Granted, at that time obviously there is no guarantee that person is "the one", but you never know.


Yes, but it's not all about mastering technique. It's about so much more. It's about allowing them to choose their own life and not having it chosen for them or by being in some 'it's so nice that someone wants me' fog.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

earlyforties said:


> Yes, but it's not all about mastering technique. It's about so much more. It's about allowing them to choose their own life and not having it chosen for them or by being in some 'it's so nice that someone wants me' fog.


Don't get me wrong, I understand where you are coming from. The risk though is that you actually push away the person who you should spend your life with based on something such as your age/experience, etc...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SA's husband said:


> Yes it's possible. I have been with my wife for many years, and I would not want anyone else. There is something special about being with the one you love and I don't believe it would ever be fullfilling to jump around from partner to partner and be alone at the end of the night.


If things had turned out differently for me, I have no doubt's I would have one partner, and one only. I have slept with three women. The first one died while we were still dating. The second, I was married to for 17 years, but her NPD rendered the relationship unsustainable, and the third, I am currently married to.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

It's a whole different question whether it is better to only be with one person for life. At least half of the answer depends on who the other person is. Only being with one person can be a benefit or a hindrance in the future, depending on what happens in the relationship long term.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> Some "discoveries" I'd prefer to make early on. If a man I'm considering as a LTR has some kinks that are dealbreakers for me, but that a previous lover was thrilled to take part in and he's used to, I'd rather know about that early on so we don't waste each others time.


I agree! My wife was forced to do many things by high school boyfriend. Didn't bring it up during pre-marital counseling. Wasn't until 2 years into marriage she informed me that there was no way she ever wanted to do any of those things again. Discussing before marriage would have allowed informed decision making. I think I would have still married her, but only after we & she alone, did alot more counseling. Her hiding it during first 2 years led to a lot of frustrations as I felt she was rejecting me.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

nirvana said:


> I've had only 1. My wife has also had only 1. The big positive is there is nothing to compare against. I think it is better this way for us. Less options can be a good thing.
> 
> Our first time was in the hotel room during our honeymoon. I was a bit bashful to get naked in front of a girl! So was she. I fumbled my way through and the stress/anxiety led to PIV not happening very well and it was "sex" in name only as I could not penetrate completely.  We still laugh about it. Now we are pros.
> 
> All memories that we have are of us, not with 100 other people that we cannot keep track of. Of course, to each his own.


 I literally prayed to find a guy who we'd experience all our 1sts together... I wanted to feel all that awkwardness, awakening excitement, vulnerability, laughing at ourselves, to learn & grow together...that's the romantic in me..

When I met my husband, it just seemed to fall into place....

Our story is a little crazier...we had plenty of roaming of hands while dating, we didn't need cold showers by any means...though we did wait for intercourse, something we greatly anticipated but we held our boundary till we married...

It took MONTHS for my husband to fully penetrate me... after 3 months trying (he is just not one to RAM me in pain, so patient was he)... I was the one getting IMPATIENT - feeling this is utterly ridiculous - I called the OBGYN... now that was embarrassing trying to explain this!!

.... up in the stirrups he says "You have a rigid one alright" -then tells me he wants to do a "hymenectomy"... I remember I started to cry...OMG - I didn't want that [email protected]#

Then he hands me a slip of paper to get a blood test to rule out pregnancy.. Talk about a shock, when the office called the next day telling me I was "with child"...







No surgery now.... had to keep at it...then he was worried about hurting the baby !...

I was 5 months along before we felt the "breakthrough".. we were so excited, we went out & celebrated... 

That was our 1st marital dilemma to work through... ha ha ...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

earlyforties said:


> Yes, but it's not all about mastering technique. It's about so much more. It's about allowing them to choose their own life and not having it chosen for them or by being in some 'it's so nice that someone wants me' fog.


I feel, most especially a young person needs to KNOW WHO THEY ARE, what they want.. *WHY THEY WANT IT* ..... anticipate what will be lost and what can be gained by the various ways to express one's sexuality.. 

By observing others lives, hearing others experiences, contemplating the good, the bad, the ugly.. does one shriek with regrets or handle them well ? ( I HATE REGRETS personally.. I am very hard on myself.) 

With any big decision....are we the type who likes to learn from our mistakes or try to avoid making them?...I've always been one to seek council on just about everything / read a book.. help me dissect myself... it helps me weigh the options before me... I'm not one to live by the seat of my pants type.. (I do think this is often a personality trait)...

I need to have *peace* before I go forth...that something deep inside is assuring me this is the right choice for my life, our lives....if there is a "check in my spirit" at any point... it is something that should be waited on....till the answer becomes clearer...but always the big picture is there in the background...how will I feel about this tomorrow.. next year.. 10 yrs from now. 

We need to ask ourselves -what do we VALUE ... being able to pull from inside US what matters the most in life, in love.. and holding on strong to that.. but never settle.. Seek and KNOW what the other person values as well.. what they are stubborn about -basically !... 

There are many things I could not have Lived with , or flourished with.. *compatibility is so vital in many areas*.. not just sex & attraction... though I consider these 2 high on the list.. just many others that can taint a relationship...even if a couple is sexually matched well. ..How many start out with fireworks here but it doesn't last. 

Unfortunately.. it is always taking a risk with another human being.. what if they change in ways we didn't anticipate.. this seems to happen often..


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> It took MONTHS for my husband to fully penetrate me... after 3 months trying (he is just not one to RAM me in pain, so patient was he)... I was the one getting IMPATIENT - feeling this is utterly ridiculous - I called the OBGYN... now that was embarrassing trying to explain this!!
> 
> .... up in the stirrups he says "You have a rigid one alright" -then tells me he wants to do a "hymenectomy"... I remember I started to cry...OMG - I didn't want that [email protected]#
> 
> ...


That's one no one ever warns virgin couples about and really should! Imperforate hymens aren't as rare as people think. This topic should be brought out in all sex ed classes. "If the hymen doesn't break, immediately see your doctor. The doctor will break it for you and then you can have painless sex!"

My friend's hymen didn't break during intercourse _or_ pregnancy. The doctor thought the hymen would break when the baby's head came up against it, but no luck. Her hymen had to be broken _during_ the delivery!


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

I think a lot of people focus on the result ("great" sex) rather than the journey. It's as if we all come to this earth being masters of sex. More people need to slow down and experience and enjoy the journey of life, both the goods and bads rather than just racing through it with a Fast Forward button hoping to get to some result. Enjoy everyday!

Now while I felt silly fumbling around with my new bride not knowing what to do while I wanted to appear cool and suave and impress her, we now look back and laugh as it is a special memory that is special to us and us alone. If I had slept with 20 women, I would have come in as some sort of smooth expert at knowing what was where and everything would not be so memorable. Even she was shy and when I took her top off, and then her bra after a lot of coaxing, she covered herself with her arms. :grin2:

It's innocently sweet now to think back on it! Even goofing up and messing up can be memorable!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MJJEAN said:


> That's one no one ever warns virgin couples about and really should! Imperforate hymens aren't as rare as people think. This topic should be brought out in all sex ed classes. "If the hymen doesn't break, immediately see your doctor. The doctor will break it for you and then you can have painless sex!"
> 
> My friend's hymen didn't break during intercourse _or_ pregnancy. The doctor thought the hymen would break when the baby's head came up against it, but no luck. Her hymen had to be broken _during_ the delivery!


I've never heard of THAT happening before!  You never know!... I never felt our 1st time would be like a fairy tale.. I did anticipate it hurting like hell though.... but no, I didn't think we would have as much trouble as we did.. 

I am very thankful I didn't get that surgery though, the pregnancy saving me ...honestly I doubt my husband would have let me .... we would have just kept at it... Even without fully penetrating me.. I always got my "O" - we were happy/ satisfied ... 

I've thought many times over....It's a blessing I experienced this with him...he was so patient, loving and all in... someone else, many feeling a "test drive" is necessary today would have just dumped me, felt I was defective or something... wouldn't have had the patience...the aftermath of this could have hurt me in a bad way... 

On another note.. I might have even broken some guy's Di**!



nirvana said:


> I think a lot of people focus on the result ("great" sex) rather than the journey. It's as if we all come to this earth being masters of sex. More people need to slow down and experience and enjoy the journey of life, both the goods and bads rather than just racing through it with a Fast Forward button hoping to get to some result. Enjoy everyday!
> 
> Now while I felt silly fumbling around with my new bride not knowing what to do while I wanted to appear cool and suave and impress her, we now look back and laugh as it is a special memory that is special to us and us alone. If I had slept with 20 women, I would have come in as some sort of smooth expert at knowing what was where and everything would not be so memorable. Even she was shy and when I took her top off, and then her bra after a lot of coaxing, she covered herself with her arms. :grin2:
> 
> It's innocently sweet now to think back on it! Even goofing up and messing up can be memorable!


 I so enjoy hearing stories like yours Nirvana ...I find them heartwarming ..yes, the innocence of it... some see 1sts as just something to get over with.. others attach special meaning / memories to them... it's so much more about WHO we are with (some things in life are worth the wait)... how this person before us makes us feel, the "sheet music" we will make together... our journey of intimacy ...let us never forget those sweet fumbling beginnings !!

My primary sexual view has always been "the Romantic View"...when I cracked open this book explaining the 6 sexual views (my thread on it  HERE ...)...when I got to this chapter... everything the author expressed was ME , how I always felt ....where does that come from.. it may not be a majority view but we're not completely alone either.. there are others out there. 



> *3. ** Romantic View *~
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Don-Juan (Sep 1, 2013)

Did not read all of the responses, but here is mine, yes it is possible. I was technically a virgin (when I met my future wife), she was not a virgin. Have been married 30 yrs and neither of us as strayed (that I know of!) and I am very happy and satisfied! 
With that said I do wonder some times what it would be like to have a different partner, but not enough to actually do it. Just minor curiosity! 
(Perhaps my age as something to do with it!?!) Just one guy's opinion.

*Sex should be reserved for those who are deeply in love with the strings of emotional attachment/commitment. Those who hold the romantic view often talk in terms of sex as sacred, as a Gift to be preserved & given to someone of profound significance.

Romantic view holds that sex should be connected with a thirst for deep psychological & bodily knowledge, Mutually reciprocated gift-giving & intimacy are it's purpose. 

The feeling of being in love is a feeling that one’s beloved is an irreplaceable soul mate.*

And yes, I do believe this to be true, I thought this when I was 18 yrs old and no I was not a square


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Lol someone mentioning first experiences... Both were virgins. Got her back to my dorm room and knew what I wanted and was quite determined. We kissed and she was grinding me (we called it humping) so I assumed she was more experienced than me. I admitted I was a virgin and she laughed - of course she said she was too! I guess this was just her college age hips unconsciously getting into the action too .

A few days of clothing on making out - lots of talking and connecting and fun... But the first time we got naked I warned her "you do know what happens to a guy, right?" and not one to sound ignorant she said "of course!". I figured she was just too proud to admit she was clueless. Well you can imagine her surprise! I can remember it like it was yesterday!

Yes I admit it is wonderful to have shared all of our experiences together. I guess it is better than looking back at these memories with another girl in bed. It is special 

Btw we were so young.... She thought guys were always hard - like that was our natural resting state! Of course she had no other information to the contrary lol


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