# Hubby keeps looking up previous fling on social media.



## sunnygirl24 (Sep 16, 2016)

Occasionally i would use his FB or instagram to search for some friends or some times do some spot check. (Yes the trust isnt much there). 

Each time i see that girls name in the search history and although he didnt add/follow her its still there. 

I once cleared his search history for fb and instagram and see if he still searches for the girl. And yes he did. 

I did voice out twice over 3 years and he was upset. But now its happening again, how should i deal with this? 

Thanks..


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Quit FB/Instagram and social media.
Both of you.

That's the simplest and best answer I have.

Social media does nothing but destroy relationships IME. It also hinders your privacy.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

What was he upset about? That you found out? Or that he had looked her up?


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## sunnygirl24 (Sep 16, 2016)

5Creed said:


> What was he upset about? That you found out? Or that he had looked her up?


That i found out he was looking through her social media.. 

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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

There you have it. He's being a naughty little boy and gets upset when his WIFE finds out. He knows this shouldn't be going on at all. What is your history? Has he cheated on you before?


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

If he keeps doing that crap its only a matter of time until he puts out a "feeler" and goes "fishing".

He is being dishonest with you again.

Tell him he is either NC with her or a single man. That he cannot have both


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Once in a while? Possibly.

But time after time? No way should he be doing that. It's wrong. And it's hurtful.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

The question is why? 
Why is he looking, stalking her. 

Voice it to him again, and no he's not entitled to be upset, but you are. 

What was the history with her, did she dump him or something?
Maybe consider doing the same, then he might focus on you instead of her. 


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

He needs to come clean and tell you honestly why he does it.

Just to play devils advocate - I have done the same thing, looking at x's FB page (I don't do it now as it quickly became boring). In honesty I had no sexual interest whatsoever in the x, really glad the relationship ended. I think I was curious as to how his life panned out, morbid curiosity, nosiness. When you spend a lot of time with someone there is part of us that just wonders when we get bored. 

However, it could be a very different reason for him looking her up. You need to find out from him and work through your trust issues.

(Could the fact that he doesn't go to any lengths to hide it be significant? Could his irritation be because of privacy issues rather than being caught out?). Just thinking from a different persepctive.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

sunnygirl24 said:


> Occasionally i would use his FB or instagram to search for some friends or some times do some spot check. (Yes the trust isnt much there).
> 
> Each time i see that girls name in the search history and although he didnt add/follow her its still there.
> 
> ...


With divorce papers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

I can see doing it once but over and over again. Is it always the same girl? If so why don't you contact her and invite her over and then when hubby gets home maybe you can say,"Since you stalk this poor girl all the time I figure you must have unresolved issue from the past so I thought I would bring her here so you can resolve them." Ok, maybe don't do that but it sure would be funny...

You are not wrong in being a little weirded out by this. There is no reason for your husband to be going back to an old girlfriends account over and over. I have to agree with satay, quit all social media, it will destroy an already unstable relationship and by your own admission you do have trust issues. Wish you guys all the best.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I have been checking q previous flings Fb page once a week for about the last 6 weeks now.

He and his wife tried for years to have a baby with no luck. They finally did in-vitro with donated fertilized eggs. She became pregnant with twin girls. She went into labor and they were born at 25 weeks. 

I check about once a week just to see any updates on their progress and make sure they're doing ok. I truly, truly just want these babies to be ok. I also shared their gofundme campaign on my page.

Difference is, I'm friends with his WIFE on social media. He doesn't have one. He and I dated for 3 months over 15 years ago, but we'd always remained friendly if we saw each other. Once he started dating his now wife, I became friendly with HER. My husband has met him. I don't hide that I'm checking her page for updates on the babies and I publicly shared their gofundme. I've talked openly to my husband about the fact that I look and what I find when I check her page. Before the premature birth, I never checked her page. Only when I felt that I had a real actual reason to look which comes from concern about his babies well being and nothing more.

You need to find the reason why. And if there isn't one.....this rabbit hole goes much deeper than you think emotionally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> With divorce papers.


Have you ever been divorced?

I'm thinking not because otherwise you wouldn't be so quick to tell someone to end their marriage simply because the other spouse has checked out an ex a handful of times on social media. 

Sometimes people get curious as to how a person they spend a good chunk of their lives with is doing.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

caruso said:


> Have you ever been divorced?
> 
> I'm thinking not because otherwise you wouldn't be so quick to tell someone to end their marriage simply because the other spouse has checked out an ex a handful of times on social media.
> 
> Sometimes people get curious as to how a person they spend a good chunk of their lives with is doing.


 @sunnygirl24's opening post read to me more like her husband was searching for an ex _affair partner_ -- i.e. someone w/ whom he'd cheated on her in the past -- and not someone w/ whom he was any sort of legitimate relationship.

If that's not the case then obviously my advice would be different.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> @sunnygirl24's opening post read to me more like her husband was searching for an ex _affair partner_ -- i.e. someone w/ whom he'd cheated on her in the past -- and not someone w/ whom he was any sort of legitimate relationship.
> 
> If that's not the case then obviously my advice would be different.


It sounds like an exit affair because he's looked up his ex a few times?

I'm divorced almost 10 years. Sometimes when I log onto FB I see my exwife as a suggested friend.

So I'll click on her page just to see what she's up to, does she have a boyfriend, that sort of thing.

It's curiosity, nothing more. Doesn't mean it's just curiosity with this woman's husband but to say he's searching for an exit affair? Also I missed where he cheated on her before.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Sunny,

Curious? You posted on an infidelity message board.

Has your H cheated on you in the past or do you suspect him? Personally, I have no issues with "checking up" on your spouse. FME, affairs don't follow normal rules and can move from a friendly chat to the Hotel-No-Tell at lightning speed.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

caruso said:


> It sounds like an exit affair because he's looked up his ex a few times?
> 
> I'm divorced almost 10 years. Sometimes when I log onto FB I see my exwife as a suggested friend.
> 
> ...


Not _exit_ affair partner -- EX affair partner.

As in _former_ affair partner.

As in someone w/ whom he's previously cheated.

As for whether or not he has actually cheated, call it reading between the lines: given her "trust" comment, coupled w/ the fact that she's posting in a forum named "Coping With Infidelity", it would seem a somewhat safe assumption to make.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

My bad.

Ex affair not exit affair but again no info that supports he cheated on her with this ex.


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