# Want a Divorce, husband indifferent/possibly unstable, Won't leave my Home



## CascadiaCJD (Dec 11, 2019)

I (29F) have been married to my husband (34M) for two years. There is so much to unpack so I will try to keep it concise.
We just celebrated our 2nd anniversary, but we argued the whole time. During this marriage, we either are arguing with each other or I am indifferent with him. He has been lazy, depressed, very unhelpful, and in denial about it all for the past two years. He, just now after two years of begging and trying to reason with him, started washing dishes, taking out the trash, and kind of cleaning up our home. Its a fight to get him to do anything. It's always, " I will do it tomorrow or on my next day off"

He was not like this before we got married.

We got married and in three month, BOOM, new guy!

He is so confusing. Everything he says contradicts what he says previously. We are not an affectionate couple anymore because after we got married every time I let him hug or kiss me he tries to turn it into sex. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. it feels insincere and not loving for me. I cant tell him someone in my family has died and he will try to have sex. It's so distasteful. So now I don't let him to touch me for too long. 

Anyways I am considering divorce because I feel am not in love with him at this point. I begged him for two years to take counseling with me and he declined. I told him I am feeling resentment towards him, that I am feeling less love and he said that since he still loves me it doesn't matter.
He is largely dependent on me and is not appreciative at all (I drive him to work and he won't offer to drive, pay for or pump the gas) and when I stand my ground and say i will not help him he engages in behavior that is destructive to him and makes him more financially dependent on me (i.e. he will do a no call no show). He whines nonstop (a high pitched whine). I basically care for him like a caretaker cares for a patient. He is EXTREMELY anti-social and whines when I have visitors or family come by. i help take care of his family and he barely will help me with mine.

He is not supportive. I have a business I have been trying to open for two years. He stops me at every turn. Won't help with repairs. If I am painting, hammering, building, anything etc. He tells me to stop and go sit down, take a nap, do it next week....
He won't contribute money and he does not verbally support me.
He just says, " I support you by letting you open a business. I am just gonna follow your lead."

For the last two-three weeks, he has been messaging this woman who only answers when she is having a hard time in life (Baby daddy is cheating) its been mostly innocent but he did say to her that he wondered what life would be like if they had stayed together and that they were a good-looking couple. Now they text and he never ever mentions that. I haven't told him that I know because I don't know what to do with this info. I want to maybe bring it up when I decide to end things for good. I honestly don't know. 

Anyways I want him to leave. We live in my mother's multi-family and he does not/will not pay rent, I do. But he wont go. I tell him that I want him to leave/give me space and he just wears me down (dismissive, whining, crying "I have no place to go", etc) until I just give up the argument. We are not intimate anymore. I just want it to be over but he won't go. And sometimes he will casually mention that he isn't right in the head or that he is seeing things at night. Maybe he does it to scare me into thinking he is crazy or make me think he will act violently towards me. I have no clue. but now i kind of fear being alone when i ask for a divorce. He is very broke especially during this Pandemic. I just want to be done with this marriage and find my own happiness.

This is hard. I have loved him for 6 years and i find myself going back and forth everyday about it.

I don't even know how to proceed.

Sorry, it was not concise at all.

Any tips?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

See a lawyer and have a sheriff deliver him a notice to vacate.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Is it possible for you to move out? I know it might be difficult for your family as they'd have to then evict someone who refused to pay rent, but you seem trapped by your situation. You've wanted it to be over for a long time but it's your living arrangements that seem to be stopping you. I'd talk with my family first, but I'd move out if possible. You're paying rent anyway, just pay it somewhere else.


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## CascadiaCJD (Dec 11, 2019)

AliceA said:


> Is it possible for you to move out? I know it might be difficult for your family as they'd have to then evict someone who refused to pay rent, but you seem trapped by your situation. You've wanted it to be over for a long time but it's your living arrangements that seem to be stopping you. I'd talk with my family first, but I'd move out if possible. You're paying rent anyway, just pay it somewhere else.


I have considered this. The issue there is that the business I am opening is a home-based childcare Business and if I moved most likely I wouldn't find a Landlord who would agree to it, I have been told no so much already and only my parents have agreed because then I would be home to care for them more. Also although it is my parents' home they are both disabled and wouldn't be able to proceed with evictions. I help them with everything and this added stress wouldn't be good for them. Side note they want me to stay with him anyway. They think he's got a case of the blues that a baby would fix...


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

CascadiaCJD said:


> I have considered this. The issue there is that the business I am opening is a home-based childcare Business and if I moved most likely I wouldn't find a Landlord who would agree to it, I have been told no so much already and only my parents have agreed because then I would be home to care for them more. Also although it is my parents' home they are both disabled and wouldn't be able to proceed with evictions. I help them with everything and this added stress wouldn't be good for them. Side note they want me to stay with him anyway. They think he's got a case of the blues that a baby would fix...


Oh good lord...I hope you have the sense to NOT get pregnant. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## CascadiaCJD (Dec 11, 2019)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Oh good lord...I hope you have the sense to NOT get pregnant.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


 Nope. I will never. That got taken off the table the day my father fell down and he wouldn't help me pick him up and instead sent his brother who has a history of slipped disks while he continued to watch television.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@CascadiaCJD See a lawyer and file for divorce.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He’s not who you thought and he isn’t interested in being that person full-time (he did it just long enough to reel you in).

That leaves you with two choices: put up with him the rest of your life or divorce him and move on. I would suggest you file and get the process started. I doubt he will make it easy to dump him but it can be done.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

CascadiaCJD said:


> Nope. I will never. That got taken off the table the day my father fell down and he wouldn't help me pick him up and instead sent his brother who has a history of slipped disks while he continued to watch television.


Blimey. Get a lawyer now.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

File for divorce and eviction. Your parents need only sign for the eviction. They do not have to actually remove his belongings. Either he will do that, you can do it when the eviction occurs, or they can hire a trash out service.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Your parents own the place you are living in, correct? If so, they can very easily file for eviction..or you can do it for them (assuming you have some type of lease). But unfortunately, if your husband wants to be a jerk, he can drag it out for months (God bless our wonderful court system). What would happen if you told him it wasn't working out and you wanted a divorce and he needed to move out? Or you could even say "trial separation"...give him a little hope just to get him out of the house. You definitely should see a lawyer, but not much he/she can do to get your husband out the house, which seems like your biggest issue.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

turnera said:


> See a lawyer and have a sheriff deliver him a notice to vacate.


This! 👆


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