# What is stopping you from leaving your marriage?



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

For those of you not happy in your marriage what is stopping you from leaving?

For me:

1 - hassle of getting divorced (seriously, the thought of lawyers, possibly having to move, just the general hassles of separating)
2 - reaction of family (my family likes my spouse so I do not think I would get much support)
3- adult child (even though an adult - divorce is still hard)


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

How about from the other angle, what is it that you like about your spouse and even more so, why would you want a divorce. I think that would help determine is the 'stoppers' are far more or less important than the reasons for staying.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Well, I did leave, and I'm very glad I did. That was years ago, but the reasons I didn't leave sooner were mainly fear of the unknown (what to expect as a single man reentering the dating world), and concern about how it might affect my son and the time I'd be able to spend with him. It's easy to keep the status quo once you learn to cope, but I found I still wasn't getting anything worthwhile from the relationship, so I examined my fears and concerns and found ways to counter them. And then I left, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I feared. In fact, my life improved tremendously, and quickly.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I vaguely remember your story. Weren't you going to divorce him years ago?

I had the exact three issues you do, along with a very strong fear of the unknown, but I got out when another cheating episode happened. It was the smartest thing I ever did. It was hardly a fun process but the peace I gained was worth it. My only regret is staying as long as I did. 

It's easy to allow yourself to stay when that step seems too big to take.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

I left too and had the same types of fears but notice that two of those fears you mention are more a worry of what others may think. This is your life, you get one shot to live the kind of life you want. What others think doesn’t matter one bit in the face of that. As far as divorce being a hassle, it is but so is staying in a bad marriage, even more so. At least the hassle of divorce gets you to where you want to be in life. It’s hard work but well worth the effort. Think of it as an energy investment in yourself.


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## Jaedbe (Jun 25, 2018)

For me I afraid of offending the Lord who hates divorce. I have a very quarrelsome wife who speaks to me more as a child than a respected man of my home. She is the total opposite of what she claims to be as a woman of God and does not about for her on behavior or words. It's been almost 11 years the same. I can't stand it anymore but I'm praying for the Lord's guidance.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

highwood said:


> For those of you not happy in your marriage what is stopping you from leaving?
> 
> For me:
> 
> ...


What stopped my husband from ending his first marriage(she eventually had an affair and divorced him) was
a)He had made a promise to be with her for better and for worse.
B)He had a responsibility to be a full time 'always there' dad.
c)he isnt the type to run away when things get hard and challenging. 
d) he greatly values marriage


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

highwood said:


> For those of you not happy in your marriage what is stopping you from leaving?
> 
> For me:
> 
> ...


If you aren't happy in your marriage chance are very high that your spouse isn't either. So perhaps you should be having this discussion with your spouse?
Having said that, I stayed in my marriage for too long for many of the same reasons you stated. Plus I would add that I was afraid to have the discussion I just suggested because I knew what the answer would be. But I hoped against hope and continued to double down, thinking that something would change. I spent probably the last five to ten years of my 24 year marriage living in fear.
While I was devastated when it happened. The devastation was more about my lack of planning than the end of my marriage. I was simply left in the wilderness without a plan or a clue, because I had refused to consider reality out of the fears you mentioned.
But the reality is, getting divorced does not need to be a hassle. We got a dissolution because we agreed on the division of assets and there really wasn't much to argue about anyways. My family's reaction was the polar opposite of what I had expected. My siblings (and children) rallied around me and supported me. I later found out so many of the things that were said and down over the years by my ex that caused all of them to be hurt. Finally, in the end, your children, really just want their parents to be happy. They may not like that they are divorced, but they adjust to it and accept it. As your life takes off again, they will be happy for you.
Face your fears. They often are less of an issue than you think and facing them beats the alternative of never knowing. You may decide after your discussion with your spouse, to work on things and make your marriage better. You might decide to part company. Regardless, at least you will know. You can move forward and make a better life for your self and your spouse regardless of which path you choose.


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## Uselessmale (May 20, 2017)

I’m scared of her. She still does her verbal thing in a very nice way. Almost killing me with kindness. It’s throwing me off balance.


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## dzz (Apr 24, 2014)

Kids, love, finances. He's a lawyer and his family has a lot more money than mine. I'm sure he would trample me even though his lascivious behavior is entirely the reason our marriage is rocky.


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