# My advice to those who have spouses on their phones a lot



## Jacksgirl37 (Aug 10, 2016)

Things to beware of:
Words with friends or any other game that has a private chat feature. You CANNOT retrieve those chats at all. Ever. Once deleted. They are gone. Same with Pinger. So it may look like your spouse is sitting there, harmlessly playing a game on his/her phone. If you are suspicious, just politely ask to look at the phone real quick and see if there are any chats going or just look over and see if they are chatting. 

If you think you are clever and have ran programs on their "history" and found nothing out of the ordinary...it is quite possible that they are using a private browser. You CANNOT retrieve any info from private browsers. Sorry. This even means they can have a secret email within their private browser. 

And if you find out your spouse has cheated on you, you better HOPE it was not a year or more ago because you are not getting any of that deleted data back. It is only stored for a certain amount of time and then written over by all the new data used that next year. 

My suggestion? Ask your spouse to let you turn on parental settings with a password you only know. Cut off the ability to use Apps and private browsers. You can also cut off the ability to delete any Web history, photos or text messages. If they have nothing to hide, they will Gladly do it to make you feel safe.

Good luck!


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Whenever you feel safe, it just means they got you right where they want you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jacksgirl37 (Aug 10, 2016)

Herschel said:


> Whenever you feel safe, it just means they got you right where they want you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I could not agree more!!!!!


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

It's a constant cat and mouse game. How about fine tuning our spouse picker and choose one with impeccable integrity, instead?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

If you have to put a parental setting on your SPOUSE's phone, you might need to get out of that relationship. I can't honestly believe sometimes, what I read on here. My heart goes out to some of you who feel you can't do better than this, or just don't see your worth enough to leave these jerks. :/


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> It's a constant cat and mouse game. How about fine tuning our spouse picker and choose one with impeccable integrity, instead?


This, and while people have flaws, and we all make mistakes...I would rather be alone than babysit my S.O. The person either genuinely wants to be with you or not. Monitoring them as if they're your child...ugh, I can't imagine how depressed that would make me.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Jacksgirl37 said:


> Things to beware of:
> Words with friends or any other game that has a private chat feature. You CANNOT retrieve those chats at all. Ever. Once deleted. They are gone. Same with Pinger. So it may look like your spouse is sitting there, harmlessly playing a game on his/her phone. If you are suspicious, just politely ask to look at the phone real quick and see if there are any chats going or just look over and see if they are chatting.
> 
> If you think you are clever and have ran programs on their "history" and found nothing out of the ordinary...it is quite possible that they are using a private browser. You CANNOT retrieve any info from private browsers. Sorry. This even means they can have a secret email within their private browser.
> ...



My advice is tell them if they cheat you will not be giving them another chance. Then if they do, don't give them a second chance. 

Don't search their history, don't try to figure out why. Don't try to stay together an police their media devices. Just give them the D papers move on, life is too short.


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## Jacksgirl37 (Aug 10, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> It's a constant cat and mouse game. How about fine tuning our spouse picker and choose one with impeccable integrity, instead?


Ah. But even the "best" can be the "best" at being bad. I could give you so many examples it would make your head spin.


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## Jacksgirl37 (Aug 10, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> If you have to put a parental setting on your SPOUSE's phone, you might need to get out of that relationship. I can't honestly believe sometimes, what I read on here. My heart goes out to some of you who feel you can't do better than this, or just don't see your worth enough to leave these jerks. :/


It is not about actually doing it. It is about feeling safe. How many spouses were cheated on and said, "I never saw it coming"?? So if you just have a tinge of that feeling, do you divorce right away or do you ask your spouse about it and see how they react to making you feel safe?


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## Jacksgirl37 (Aug 10, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Jacksgirl37 said:
> 
> 
> > Things to beware of:
> ...


How do you know if they are cheating?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Jacksgirl37 said:


> How do you know if they are cheating?


I am all for open phones and such. I also always preach trust but verify. But when it comes down to it love is an act of faith. There is really no real way you could ever know. They could be doing all the interaction through work and you would never know. 

Better to be in a marriage because you love your partner and want to give to them, and really not dependent on anything they give to the point that you could not survive without it. Be confident enough in yourself that you know you would be very sad at first but alright if you had to be alone. 

This is a better way to be then searching for apps on their phone.


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## Jacksgirl37 (Aug 10, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Jacksgirl37 said:
> 
> 
> > How do you know if they are cheating?
> ...


Also very good advice.


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## TriHouse (Aug 9, 2016)

Jacksgirl37 said:


> It is not about actually doing it. It is about feeling safe. How many spouses were cheated on and said, "I never saw it coming"?? So if you just have a tinge of that feeling, do you divorce right away or do you ask your spouse about it and see how they react to making you feel safe?


So, you have decided that you will not feel safe unless your spouse does exactly what you've determined will make you feel safe in the moment you determine it? You are giving your spouse a lot more control over your emotions just to feel disillusioned in your own "safety."


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

If I have to do all that you stated above, I would not marry or stay married to the person.

I was cheated on by my ex and didn't see it coming, but it wasn't through his phone that he cheated on me. It was him going to bars while I was at work, and I refuse to have to babysit my partner. 

If someone wants to cheat on you they will, living in fear of it will only make you miserable. If current hubs cheats on me, just like the last it will be over in a heartbeat.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Just to be sure I have this right... Are you seriously advocating for people policing their spouses' phones, *solely* because they are "on them a lot"? I am on mine a lot. Most often, I am deleting junk mail, talking to my dad, talking to one of my sisters, or reading/posting on TAM. The games I play, with the exception of one, do not have chat functions. The only one that does is Hearthstone, which is also tied to my Battle.net app on my computer, which is in full view of him, too. My husband and I each have phones that use fingerprint ID to open, and his print is in mine and vice versa. If either of us felt the need to put parental controls or any other type of monitoring on each other's phones, I would question our reasons for even being together. I am not going to tell him that he can't put apps on his phone. Even chat apps. In fact, we both have chat apps on our phones... again, easily accessible on the computer. 

Basically, what I am saying is that if he's going to cheat, he is going to do it, whether I put monitors on his phone or not. If I do, he came always get a burner phone and hide it... as has been mentioned MANY times on here. If someone wants to cheat, they will do it. They will find a way around the controls you put in place. Why would you even want to live like this? Smh.

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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> Just to be sure I have this right... Are you seriously advocating for people policing their spouses' phones, *solely* because they are "on them a lot"? I am on mine a lot. Most often, I am deleting junk mail, talking to my dad, talking to one of my sisters, or reading/posting on TAM. The games I play, with the exception of one, do not have chat functions. The only one that does is Hearthstone, which is also tied to my Battle.net app on my computer, which is in full view of him, too. My husband and I each have phones that use fingerprint ID to open, and his print is in mine and vice versa. If either of us felt the need to put parental controls or any other type of monitoring on each other's phones, I would question our reasons for even being together. I am not going to tell him that he can't put apps on his phone. Even chat apps. In fact, we both have chat apps on our phones... again, easily accessible on the computer.
> 
> Basically, what I am saying is that if he's going to cheat, he is going to do it, whether I put monitors on his phone or not. If I do, he came always get a burner phone and hide it... as has been mentioned MANY times on here. If someone wants to cheat, they will do it. They will find a way around the controls you put in place. Why would you even want to live like this? Smh.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Hmmm .... sounds like you have something to hide ... >

This reminds me of a thread a while back, where one person suggested that you should do periodic "maintenance" on all your SOs accounts (email, phone, etc...). This is necessary to maintain a healthy marriage, no different then taking your car to the mechanic for maintenance


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Hmmm .... sounds like you have something to hide ... >
> 
> This reminds me of a thread a while back, where one person suggested that you should do periodic "maintenance" on all your SOs accounts (email, phone, etc...). This is necessary to maintain a healthy marriage, no different then taking your car to the mechanic for maintenance


Not at all. My husband has access to everything, anytime he wants. And I have access to his, at any time. What I mean is that if you have to put parental controls on your spouse's devices just so you *think* he is not cheating, what is the point in being together? I have no problem with him accessing my accounts, at all. Even TAM. The only thing I object to is controls. He is my husband, not my child.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> Not at all. My husband has access to everything, anytime he wants. And I have access to his, at any time. What I mean is that if you have to put parental controls on your spouse's devices just so you *think* he is not cheating, what is the point in being together? I have no problem with him accessing my accounts, at all. Even TAM. The only thing I object to is controls. He is my husband, not my child.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Lol, nah, didn't think you were hiding anything 

Same here, my W could easily access any of my accounts, phone, etc... same with me. We just trust each other enough where we don't have to monitor each other's use, employ parental controls, etc... My only issue would be if suddenly my W starting snooping around all my accounts as I would like to understand why the sudden trust issues.

I can understand though for those who are in relationships where there have been trust issues, this may be necessary. For me, odds are if the relationship got to the point where this was necessary, the relationship would already be over.


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