# Would you be offended if your partner took a vacation without you?



## evenow

I've been talking with a female friend about taking a road trip. We're not entirely serious about our plans, but I wanted to ask if it would be odd to take said trip without my husband.

So would you feel slighted if your partner wanted to take a trip with a friend? Would it matter if it was family? Does it matter the length of the trip, the destination or the people they're going with?


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## draconis

I think it is all in the works. If my wife "told me" she was leaving on a trip I would be more then hurt. If she asked if we could arraign something for her to go somewhere that would be different. I would object to her going with the opposite sex unless it was family. Additionally, the less I knew about someone the more I'd dislike the idea. I'd also want to know what I have to plan for. Where is she going, how is she getting there, when will she be back. Length of the trip would matter because to watch the kids I'd have to make all kinds of plans to cover the time she wasn't home. If we didn't have kids It would be very different. But the commitment to the family has to come first. I think taking time to yourself can be helpful. The real question is what is stopping your other half from going? Their work or lack of interest?

draconis


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## evenow

Nothing is stopping him from going. In fact, if I let him he'd go on every social gathering of mine. Sometimes I feel like I just want some time with friends--without him. I never mind when he goes and does stuff with his male friends or has lunches with female friends without me.

You never feel like having a time away from your significant other?

Oh and no kids.


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## draconis

A few hours here and there yes. Gone on a trip for days, no. But there is a lot more to it So I will have to explain that part later.

draconis


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## evenow

Hm. Okay. Was a random question.

I'm not really serious about this trip because there is more to it and taking this trip would be definitely unfair with the extra information in it. I was just curious how the basic scenario sounded.

I do wish I could take a girl's vacation or night out sometime without making the hubby feel slighted. 

Interesting that there is more in your situation.


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## draconis

Okay her goes. I own my own store. The wife works 40+ hours and goes to college full time. I do all the house work etc. So we plan time to be together and make the most of every minute we can share. Being away means one of us has to give up something to watch the young ones. It would be unfair for me to have to close the store so she can go out without me, or she miss work/college so I can go off. We have had times when we have done it. But to us we feel that it is important to invite the other person. If she took a night off from work to go see Kenny G in concert I'd have no problem watching the kids. If I had a store function that required me to travel (which I have) she has no problem with me going (even though it is always offered to her too. last year because both of us could not go I didn't.)

Like I said it depends on so many factors and everything has to be planned out because we juggle so much and the little free time we have is normally the "US" time.

draconis


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## purple-hearts06

i personally wouldnt have a problem with it, as long as he let me know in good time so i could arrange everything (i dont drive at the moment so my partner drops me at work, we live 45 miles away from the nearest town)
i would wonder why i wasnt able to go along too, but i would also realize that even though you are in a relationship, people still need time out every now and then if it is possible.
i wouldnt have a problem with the length of time he was away as long as it wasnt 2 months or something, him going with a member of the opposite sex would be a no no unless it was a group of mixed sex friends, if it was just him and his friends/friend i wouldnt have a problem at all.


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## draconis

I know it sounds bad, but I would have a real problem if my wife wanted to go on a trip with someone of the opposite sex for more then just going to the mall. 

draconis


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## evenow

So communication seems key. 

Thank you, you've given me something to think about.


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## draconis

With out a doubt communication is the key. My wife could "talk" me into almost anything IF I know how important and why it is important. 

draconis


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## kajira

A long time college friend and I have planned a cruise for our "40th" birthday since our 20th birthday. This is something the two of us decided on prior to our being married, kids. etc. I think it depends on the relationship you have with your spouse and what kind of relationship your partner has with their friend and where the person is male or female.


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## draconis

kajira said:


> A long time college friend and I have planned a cruise for our "40th" birthday since our 20th birthday. This is something the two of us decided on prior to our being married, kids. etc. I think it depends on the relationship you have with your spouse and what kind of relationship your partner has with their friend and where the person is male or female.


I concur, but there is a difference in something set up and planned for a time and let me grab the coat you are babysitting this weekend while I go upstate.

draconis


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## katharina

draconis said:


> I know it sounds bad, but I would have a real problem if my wife wanted to go on a trip with someone of the opposite sex for more then just going to the mall.
> draconis


:scratchhead: Hmmm, and why do you think that would sound bad? That would be a normal reaction, methinks.  There are marriages falling apart all over the place... and I suspect a lot of it is because people are TOO liberal with things like this for some reason lately. A business trip that can't be rearranged might be an exception, but a vacation? I just can't see it. And why would a spouse want to do that anyhow?


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## draconis

katharina said:


> :scratchhead: Hmmm, and why do you think that would sound bad? That would be a normal reaction, methinks.  There are marriages falling apart all over the place... and I suspect a lot of it is because people are TOO liberal with things like this for some reason lately. A business trip that can't be rearranged might be an exception, but a vacation? I just can't see it. And why would a spouse want to do that anyhow?


Well the wife and I are on the same page with it thankfully. Maybe you are right way to many people are too liberal when it comes to such a thing.

draconis


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## Doubt&Wonder

evenow said:


> So would you feel slighted if your partner wanted to take a trip with a friend?


Not in the least, for after 21 years of marriage I personally could do with out hubby for a couple of days or even a full week...... it might even help the heart grow fonder and (btw) trip buddy must male only.

IMO - I think the length of time one has been together in the relationship has a lot to do with how one will feel if they were left alone by the other partner.


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## draconis

Doubt&Wonder said:


> Not in the least, for after 21 years of marriage I personally could do with out hubby for a couple of days or even a full week...... it might even help the heart grow fonder and (btw) trip buddy must male only.
> 
> IMO - I think the length of time one has been together in the relationship has a lot to do with how one will feel if they were left alone by the other partner.



Has he or you ever done that? Taken a trip?

draconis


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## fire_vogel

hmm, i think i'd feel a bit hurt yeah... he's considering hols end of the year... and i'm just settling down in a new job, so can't take any leave. so yeah, it is kind of upsetting. but last night he said that he won't be doing it... i'm still trying to figure out if he's saying that just to make me feel better or if he realised that i was disappointed... i tried asking him, but he doesn't really want to talk about it. so am not pushing.


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## draconis

fire_vogel said:


> hmm, i think i'd feel a bit hurt yeah... he's considering hols end of the year... and i'm just settling down in a new job, so can't take any leave. so yeah, it is kind of upsetting. but last night he said that he won't be doing it... i'm still trying to figure out if he's saying that just to make me feel better or if he realised that i was disappointed... i tried asking him, but he doesn't really want to talk about it. so am not pushing.


Good for him, in time the both of you can look at taking a trip together. I have passed at chances because the wife couldn't go with me. I'd rather have my wife to share it with anyways.

draconis


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## evenow

Just a small update. 

I broached the subject with my husband about taking the trip with friend. He seems like he'd grudgingly allow it, but I could tell he didn't like the idea at all. 

Oh well. Kinda sad about that, but it's what I expected.


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## draconis

Well have fun and I hope you make it up to him before or after the trip. That is to let him know that you are thankful to him for respecting you like that even though he might not like the idea.

draconis


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## Doubt&Wonder

draconis said:


> Has he or you ever done that? Taken a trip?
> 
> draconis



I have done it on several occasions over the last 25 years...... and he has done it once, but then again I do not know if it really counts for him - for his trip was during one of the times I was away.

And then both of us have been gone for a week here and there due to deaths in family and with kids at home we could not always attend together..... therefore, he usually went for his side of the family and I went for my side of the family.


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## Doubt&Wonder

fire_vogel said:


> hmm, i think i'd feel a bit hurt yeah...
> last night he said that he won't be doing it... i'm still trying to figure out if he's saying that just to make me feel better or if he realised that i was disappointed... i tried asking him, but he doesn't really want to talk about it.



Yes... I would say that he is saying it and not doing it because he can see that you are hurt and disappointed by it - but please think again about letting him go where ever it is he wants to go - for in the long run he might resent YOU for him not going on this trip...... for remember "he is staying home" because you are disappointed and for no other reason.

All marriages and couples need TIME away from each other in order to be truly HAPPY.

I say what I do out of 25 years experience of being with one MAN....... married 21.7 years to him.


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## oceanbreeze

i would feel offended because i'd feel left out. i havent really seen the world or anything. still a student that works part time. so if my fiance went w/o me which he has many times, it didnt really bother me since he was with family. but if he did with someone else that i didnt know or trust, then it's something we have to work through. once he went on a road trip with people i knew never to trust, but what i had to do most is trust him. one of the guys in his group slept with many prostitutes and i'm like wuhh?!?!?! and his cousin just flirted around. as my for my fiance, i trusted him and when he came back, he wasnt a changed a man, instead more disgusted at his company. that he decided to never go out on a trip with anyone other than his family or me. it was hard to let him go to that trip especially if he'd come under the influence of his companions, but i had to trust him that he'd be strong enough to follow his own morals, values, and boundaries.


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## evenow

draconis said:


> Well have fun and I hope you make it up to him before or after the trip. That is to let him know that you are thankful to him for respecting you like that even though he might not like the idea.
> 
> draconis


I'll let him know I'm thankful, but I don't think I will go. It just doesn't seem worth it to do something he really doesn't want me to do.

Especially since there is more in my current situation and I think going on this trip would be disrespectful and unfair.

I still want to go, though.


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## fire_vogel

Doubt&Wonder said:


> Yes... I would say that he is saying it and not doing it because he can see that you are hurt and disappointed by it - but please think again about letting him go where ever it is he wants to go - for in the long run he might resent YOU for him not going on this trip...... for remember "he is staying home" because you are disappointed and for no other reason.
> 
> All marriages and couples need TIME away from each other in order to be truly HAPPY.
> 
> I say what I do out of 25 years experience of being with one MAN....... married 21.7 years to him.


well, like i said in another post, i'm not overly possessive of my husband and do respect his right to do what it is he wants to do, but i also feel that there's a time to do everything and going on a trip alone on his side might not be the right time. like i said, we just got back together since a week only after 3 months of separation (due to visa issues, nothing more) and i think now is the time to start consolidating what we have and want to have.

@ evenow, i guess for the short term this might be a good decision in the sense that he'll be happy to know that you're not going with that friend for a trip... but in the long run, like Doubt&Wonder said, you have to watch for your feelings of resentment.


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## draconis

Well for letting him know that you are thankful for the possibility is great. I know if my wife had asked and I reluctantly agreed her showing that it meant something to her would influence future choices and how I felt.

draconis


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## miss.kitty

My husband plans on visiting some friends of his in NY in March. I don't mind, I just told him while he does that then I would like to visit family in my home state, just so I'm not bored and all alone while he is gone.

So, so I would not be offended.


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## draconis

miss.kitty said:


> My husband plans on visiting some friends of his in NY in March. I don't mind, I just told him while he does that then I would like to visit family in my home state, just so I'm not bored and all alone while he is gone.
> 
> So, so I would not be offended.


Awww..that is a nice way to do it, you get to see your family while he is on a trip. Did both of you use to live in NY ? Or does he just have a few friends there?

draconis


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## miss.kitty

Our ex-roommates, which are good friends of his, moved to NY about a year ago.


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## draconis

miss.kitty said:


> Our ex-roommates, which are good friends of his, moved to NY about a year ago.


Oh well I can see why he'd want to go. I am surprised you didn't want to go with him. It does show that you have a great deal of trust and respect for him.

draconis


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## miss.kitty

draconis said:


> Oh well I can see why he'd want to go. I am surprised you didn't want to go with him. It does show that you have a great deal of trust and respect for him.
> 
> draconis


Eh, I wish that was the case. He is just going to hang out. I want to go to site see and all that, not to sit in an apartment playing video games all day. heh

So I have made him promise we'll go to NY on vacation to site-see and do all the tourist stuff one day as well.

I don't really trust him 100%, but I don't see him getting into much with the two roommates because I know who they are and what kind of people they are.


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