# What should we do about the Sister In Law?! (buying a house issues)



## qdobajoe (Jun 14, 2009)

We are recently married...for about 3 weeks now. More and more these days the sister in law is trying to meddle in our financial issues. For example, she is pissed at us because we are not saving 100% of the wedding money we got into getting a new house. She thinks we will be out of money and at that time we will come to her and she will say I told you so. The situation is a bit different in my opinion. We currently have a condo that my wife bought. In this bad economy, I don't think she would get even 50% of the price she paid for it. It is our intention that we buy a house within 3-5 years. Now the question is, should we already be saving 100% of everything we have, etc. and be all ......WE NEED TO BE SAVING UP FOR A HOUSE?! To be honest I have never owned a house myself, so I can be honest in saying I don't know what it actually takes to buy a house,etc. Any advice and/or suggestions!?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Unless you have asked your sister in law her opinion and for advice about how you two spend your money, it is none of her business! Good grief. 

Learn early on in your marriage to keep your finances to yourselves - guard financial information closely, and don't borrow money from anyone in either family (other than to say, pay a medical bill for a premature baby!).

Your SIL is meddling and your WIFE needs to tell HER relative to butt out. IN NICE WORDS. "MYOB, sis".


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

OK, a factor in her expressing her opinion on this may be twofold:

1. Was the the money given to you both specifically to finance a home purchase by her and the rest of the family?

If so, that is why she is doing this. If not, she is just butting in.

2. Is your wife airing every friggin detail of your life together to her?

Then your wife has got to shift her loyalties to the two of you as a team from her loyalties to her sister as a team.

As in stop talking to her about the details of your finances. 

BTW, work on finding a new hobby for your SIL.


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## collegegrad09 (May 27, 2009)

I agree with michzz. If your wife is airing all your business or if you guys borrowed money from her towards a new house, then the sister will feel entitled to expressing her opinion, even when it isn't welcomed. If that is the case (borrowing money from her or your wife airing your business to her) then those ties need to be cut! That way, the sister in law won't have that entitlement or power she feels she has. 
As for saving for a new house, the economy is down right now so you can, I'm sorry to say this, benefit off of someone else's misfortune. I would save what you can because the more you put on a down payment, the less your monthly mortgage is. As for your wife's condo, I would check into how long she's owned the condo, how much she paid for it, and how much would sell for it.


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## Sufficiently Breathless (May 18, 2009)

With the housing market the way it is now is a perfect time to buy, a not so good time to sell...

IMHO, I think your SIL needs to butt out, your finances are between you and your wife, she has no say in how or what you spend your money on. Especially money that was GIFTED to you at your wedding!! 

As far as steps to purchasing a home, check for a "first time home buyers course" in your area, it is generally a six week course. My H and I took one, and they offered discounts on our downpayment, as well as got us pre approved for a home loan at a bank, so all we had to do was find the house we wanted, and make an offer.

Also, check with a real estate agent and see if you could put the condo on the market, and how much it may go for. Loads of people are looking into buying homes right now because of the low interest rate and the tax benefits! Obama has passed a tax relief bill if you purchase a new home you can recieve up to 1800 on your tax returns. and if you do any home remodeling that improves energy efficancy he is offering up to 1500 in returns on taxes. So yes now is a good time to buy if you can swing it!


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## Mr. R (May 5, 2009)

Don't ask anyone for help on buying a home, and that won't give them any say in the matter. I purchased a 3br, 2bth house in 2006 and I know of what I speak. 

Also, to allay your SIL's fears, you should resolve NEVER to ask her for help or money in ANY manner. In doing so, you absolve yourself of the need to consider her opinion. 

Lastly, keep all financial matters in the strictest confidence between yourself and your spouse. 

That last one is perhaps the best advice to give to any couple.


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## Terran007 (Jun 14, 2009)

michzz said:


> 2. Is your wife airing every friggin detail of your life together to her?
> 
> Then your wife has got to shift her loyalties to the two of you as a team from her loyalties to her sister as a team.
> 
> As in stop talking to her about the details of your finances.


QFT. This is seriously a winning solution here. My wife and I have never had the kind of big family drama problems that other people have had because of their loose lips.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

yep, none of your sister in-laws business, you need to tell your wife, they can discuss whatever, but how you BOTH handle your finances is up to YOU TWO.

If your wife alreadu owns a town house and you own nothing, I would try and sell the town house and take the loss, becuase you can get a very nice house now while the market is in a tailspin. My house is worth 40K less then when I bought it. For the price I bought my house 5 years ago I could get Double the house.

This is the time to buy a house if you can swing it, When the market rebounds the home equity will shoot through the roof.

Put the town house on the market, if you can sell it, cash in and get yourself a great house for cheap.

But again, this is something for you and your wife to discuss, figure out a game plan, budget your money and think it through.

Enjoy!


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## qdobajoe (Jun 14, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> yep, none of your sister in-laws business, you need to tell your wife, they can discuss whatever, but how you BOTH handle your finances is up to YOU TWO.
> 
> If your wife alreadu owns a town house and you own nothing, I would try and sell the town house and take the loss, becuase you can get a very nice house now while the market is in a tailspin. My house is worth 40K less then when I bought it. For the price I bought my house 5 years ago I could get Double the house.
> 
> ...



thanks for the great advice...

it may be the time to buy a house...but I dont think its time to sell a house?!


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

You could look into buying a house and renting out the townhouse until the market rebounds.

That can be an option.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

qdobajoe said:


> We are recently married...for about 3 weeks now. More and more these days the sister in law is trying to meddle in our financial issues. For example, she is pissed at us because we are not saving 100% of the wedding money we got into getting a new house. She thinks we will be out of money and at that time we will come to her and she will say I told you so. The situation is a bit different in my opinion. We currently have a condo that my wife bought. In this bad economy, I don't think she would get even 50% of the price she paid for it. It is our intention that we buy a house within 3-5 years. Now the question is, should we already be saving 100% of everything we have, etc. and be all ......WE NEED TO BE SAVING UP FOR A HOUSE?! To be honest I have never owned a house myself, so I can be honest in saying I don't know what it actually takes to buy a house,etc. Any advice and/or suggestions!?



yes I think you need to be saving 100% right now so before the economy improves, so you can buy a house while the economy is bad. You can always rent out your condo and if its paid off, it will be extra income.
If its not paid off, someone else will pay it off for you and you will have a nice tax deduction keeping it up for a rental.

In buying a house, you usually get what you pay for, but in this economy you can find SUPER DEALS
( in some areas SUPER DUPER way out there kinda deals), which in the coming decades may not be around anymore and you will end up paying triple for a house.
I think you should be saving everything you can and buy a house in the bad economy...

I did this back in the last bad ecomonic downturn in the late 1980's and now... lets just say, it was the single best thing I ever did.

If your realllllly smart, you will not only find a superdeal
in this bad ecomony
but also... live below your means and avoid getting into debt.
If you can do that and work you will be able to live the good life and maybe even retire early.

You'd be one in about 4 million.


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## qdobajoe (Jun 14, 2009)

renting out your own condo is a BAD deal...because I heard if something goes bad.....guess who will they be calling

I am already in debt...just in school loans I owe uncle Sam about 25-29K!!!





preso said:


> yes I think you need to be saving 100% right now so before the economy improves, so you can buy a house while the economy is bad. You can always rent out your condo and if its paid off, it will be extra income.
> If its not paid off, someone else will pay it off for you and you will have a nice tax deduction keeping it up for a rental.
> 
> In buying a house, you usually get what you pay for, but in this economy you can find SUPER DEALS
> ...


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Don't worry about school loans, they are low intrerst loans. Pay them as they come.

my advice is you put the town house on the market, IF someone does buy it, then buy a house, don't ever buy a house and "HOPE" you will sell your townhouse.

Plus now that you are married, that townhouse is half yours.

TRY to sell it, if you do Fantastic! buy a hosue you both like and want. get a Conventional loan 30yr fix and make a Extra payment a year, this way you pay it off in 22 years as oppose to 30. Do a 15 year if you can swing the finances.

But tough time to sell, but if you can...do it. 

Try and build up a nest egg, start 401K's when you start working immediately, pay off the high interest credi cards you have.

Rule of thumb, pay off the "higher" interest items before the lower interest items. Interest is what kills people.

Stay away from Credit card debt.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

qdobajoe said:


> renting out your own condo is a BAD deal...because I heard if something goes bad.....guess who will they be calling
> 
> I am already in debt...just in school loans I owe uncle Sam about 25-29K!!!



when you rent out the condo, you hire someone to fix it/ things that break... and that is a tax write off. you hire someone to find renters with good credit and you get security deposits. 
You can also hire a management company to control all rental issues, at about 20- 25% of the rent per month.

Also if you need a new faucet at your house, you buy it and say it was for the rental... more write off.
Lots of people wish they had a rental just for the write offs...
as on rentals you get to declare depreciation...
and after you rent it out and no longer need it, you sell it.


Maybe your just not financially savvy enough... and why sister in law is trying to help, so you will be set up long term. 



you can buy a house below your means, pay it off in 10 years and live there another 10 saving all your income, thats what I did and I get to retire early now.
I would not want to be in the typical americans shoes and have to work until age 65 or longer.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> Plus now that you are married, that townhouse is half yours.
> 
> t.



that is not true...

I had a house and married, the house is mine and mine alone.
My husband has no rights to it at all despite the fact we live in a commnuity property state.
It was paid for 10 years before I met him and he has no rights at all...
and even if it wasn't...
he would only have claim to equity as long as he lived here and only if he fought it in court very hard, he still could end up with nothing.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well I guess it depends on which state you live in and who your lawyer is.

each state has different laws on this subject. 

In Georgia he would have rights to that property unless an agreement was signed ahead of time. (pre-nup)


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> well I guess it depends on which state you live in and who your lawyer is.
> 
> each state has different laws on this subject.
> 
> In Georgia he would have rights to that property unless an agreement was signed ahead of time. (pre-nup)


a man or woman does not marry and all of a sudden have equal property rights to property that was owned before the mariage.
I don't care what state your in.
My state is BIG community property state and even here, equity is only based upon the time together.

Property owned before the marriage by one of the people, in most cases is not even considered community property...
but seperate and that is even in states where it is under rules of community property.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_property

You are very unaware if you think someone marrys and gets half.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

wikipedia is like a blog, anyone can put "information" on there, hardly factual.

Get divorced, tell me what happens.

Bottom line, it boils down to the best lawyer. You have a great litigator the courts will sway in your favor, yo have a bad one you will surely get the short end of the stick.

Again, not worried about it. My point is they should sell that townhouse if they can and buy a bigger better house, in this market it is a golden oppurtunity for a young couple.

It also depends on which market they are located. I have a house on my street selling for a 100K less then what I bought my house for, same size house in footage, my yard is bigger with a pool and professionally landscaped, being the main difference. but my house is certainly not worth a 100K more then that house....but that is the market.

It would be wise for them to sell it and buy a house. Townhomes are good for starters, but why wait if you can get a house. Renting is throwing money out the door.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> wikipedia is like a blog, anyone can put "information" on there, hardly factual.
> 
> Get divorced, tell me what happens.
> 
> ...


I guess your ideas about property are along the same lines as frequent sex means a healthy and happy marriage and we will leave it at that.
:rofl:

I bought my house in about 1988 and it is worth far, far more than I paid for it, about triple or more
and I co-broked on my purchase, so it was actually even cheaper as I got a check ( as I'm a licensed agent)
at the closing.
I know what a deal is and I also know about community property, even if you feel Wiki is only a blog...
lol


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Where I live if you're married you have to be deeded on the house regardless of whether you're on the loan or not you're on the title. Title equals ownership here and divorce means refi'ing the house to get the spouse off the title, so yep here it's half yours if you're married to the owner. I can't speak for anyone else or their state. I used to be a loan processor still have several friends in the biz and my FIL is a real estate agent as well as one of my close friends.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

That's great, I would hope a house you bought 21 years ago is worth more now then when you bought it.

Just like my Mother-in_law who bought her house many years ago for 18K it is work 500K now due to the area she lives in. Thats great and wonderful.

So then you agree with me, that this young couple just starting out, should buy a house together, that it is a wise investment, as opposed to a town house or renting? Don't you agree the value of a single family house at this market has a greater capacity for equity then a townhouse or renting? Especially if she can take the equity of her townhouse and double it by purchasing a home in a nice area that was probably worth more in a few years when the economy rebounds?

When we first got married we bought a house for 150K my job transferred me to GA and I sold it 5 years later for 300K, then bough a house that was 3 times the size in space and land for less then what I sold my house in NJ for, so I made a nice profit and down the line I will increase our equity, when the market does rebound, I am remodelling now with cash....no loans.

But I defer, you are the expert, luckily I didn't listen to my real estate agent when it was time for "my loan" feel sorry for those people that got straddled into adjustable APR's and balloon mortgages and the sub-primes.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

LOL I'm a fixed rate person all the way, whatched too many arms fly and balloons rise if you catch my drift...oh and thanks for the compliment but I'm no expert  Was just throwing in my two cents about the legalities in my state. I've been out of the biz of mortgages for a couple years, unfortunately when the market plummetted so did my salary and comission earning avenues.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Sorry Rhea, that post was for Preso, your post snuck in between both.

But I agree with your post.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Oh opps my bad, sorry for the interruption lol  

I was just jumping in there sayin that here when you marry the house is half yours regardless of whether it existed before you married that person or not.


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