# Dont know what to do..am I crazy for wanting to make things work?



## mndlss

I am new here ...have been reading through posts for a few days now, just wondering what I should do. Me and my husband have been together 5 yr and married for 1 1/2 yr and have a 9 month old daughter. Long story but I will only give you the most recent details to make it short. 

I knew something was not right with my husband..he has been keeping his phone attached to him 24/7 even when he gos to be he will leave it in his pants pocket on the floor by the bed, along with alot of other suspicious behavior. So yes I went through it finding nothing but knowing he was talking to someone and just deleting the messages. I got lucky one day, he had finally slipped and I found a number that was not saved in his phn...called it and turns out it was an ex of his from high school.

At this point he had been hiding it from me for about 4 months ...he says nothing is going on blah blah she is married and lives out of state...we have all heard the story before. Then he tells me he is just not happy with me and not in love with me and wants to end things. So of course I am devastated, telling him I love him please stay we can work on this, and he wants nothing to do with it. Well I text her telling her he was married and as one wife to another please stop tlkng to him. And she did stop talking to him which was evident on the phn bill.

At this point me and my husband were supposedly separating, but I started doing the 180 and he quickly started noticing the change in me and started working on the relationship.Things were going great....so I thought. Not even 3 weeks go by and the text messages and calls sky rocket...I ask him if they are talking again he says yes and they are just really good friends. You haven't even talk to this women in over 10yr now all of a sudden ur bffs and cant stand to not talk to her...so I looked through his phone again I know ppl are prob saying you shouldn't be doing that, but I did and found pictures of his d**k that he has sent to her. 

So I called her and text her told her I was not going to let up and asking her if she is happy with herself talking to a married man in a sexual manner and breaking up a marriage...she actually text me back saying she is very sorry and that he is the one that initiated the contact with her again, telling her that we are not even together and she is also having probs in her marriage so they have been "helping" eachother through it. She said she would not talk to him again and would text him and let him know that she will not b responding to any of his text.

So they have been having this emotional affair since Jan ...7 months now and I have had it. I called him telling him that I know exactly what he is doing and I am tired and I want a divorce.... his response to that was him telling me about cheap places for rent in the area that I could get lol. He wanted me to just beg and grovel like usual but I didnt.

When he came home from work that night he was trying to be the ideal husband and just be all sweet like he used to be ...we actually had a nice night and just felt like we were when we first were together. The next day he text me asking what I plan on doing if I am going to move out right away or wait until we get the finances together because he is confused. I told him I wasn't in a rush and would wait till finances are situated.

I left it at that no long drawn out convo about anything. He kept texting me all day and just acting like hes trying to make a change and then again when he comes home he is just this super husband that I used to know and then later that night we ended up having sex not a good decision on my part. Afterwards he made the comment about how we have really good sex for just being friends!!! I was soo livid but didn't show it I just said "yes we sure do" Guess he is trying to push my buttons and see if I am really serious about wanting a separation.

The thing is a separation is the last thing I want and his actions are showing me that he wants to make things work but his words are saying something else...I am tired of hurting for months now I have been made out to b the crazy one because he always told me he wasn't talking to anyone and I am just always trying to cause arguments and I really began to think it was all in my head, but it wasn't and now I am just completely at a cross roads .

Since I am new to this I don't know all of the abbreviations for things on here so just a heads up.


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## HisMrs83

Stand your ground. Stay strong. Let him know that you love him BUT don't NEED him! If you choose to move out, go. If you can't afford to, ask him to. If neither of you can, sleep separately to get your point across. Sometimes it takes being apart to realize what you're missing. You're a new mother and you need your strength, sanity and RESPECT to hold your household together.


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## mndlss

Thank you HisMrs83 ...I can not talk to anyone I know about this ..so I am glad I found this site and hope I will get other feedback...just tired of the games its like he is trying to string me along and have the best of both worlds...he makes me think everything is fine and we will work it out then the next min he is asking me what my plans for moving out are


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## HisMrs83

mndlss said:


> Thank you HisMrs83 ...I can not talk to anyone I know about this ..so I am glad I found this site and hope I will get other feedback...just tired of the games its like he is trying to string me along and have the best of both worlds...he makes me think everything is fine and we will work it out then the next min he is asking me what my plans for moving out are


Beat him at his own game! IF you can afford to move, pocket some of your money and tell him you need help with "moving expenses." Get on your feet! BUT only if you're serious. My blog is "Out of the Blue." I left. But it wasn't for games or to have "one up." It was because I was tired of the disrespect and I NEEDED my sanity.


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## mndlss

I currently do not have the means to get my own place...I was making really good money and then decided to take a work at home job to be with my daughter after she was born...I have been applying to jobs like crazy, so hopefully I will get something soon and I will be able to support me and my daughter and H will no longer have any leverage.


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## Shaggy

You should contact her husband and expose the affair to him. That will help stop her on her end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mndlss

Shaggy said:


> You should contact her husband and expose the affair to him. That will help stop her on her end.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I have been thinking the same thing...wish I had a way to get in touch with the husband...all I have is her number and I told her that I would keep contacting her until she stop talking to my H or faced me. I told her I would like to see her change her number and try to explain to her husband why..told her just because she lives in a diff state doesn't mean I will not cause trouble for her.

Might have been a little too much, but I was sooo livid. They talk every single day she calls him from a blocked number and they talk for an hour or more at a time, and when I try to call him on his lunch says he doesn't want to talk and drive, but he can talk to her for his whole hour lunch sometimes over that so that means talking while driving and eating. And they talk on his way home from work...it's just non stop.

He takes forever to respond to my texts ...we might text idk maybe 30 text the whole day, but he is texting her 150 + messages everyday. So his whole day about 10 hours from the time he gos to work until he gets home is all about her. I get 5 hours of him playing video games and just nodding to whtvr I am saying.


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## keko

Do you know her full name? Try people search sites to get landline numbers of hers. Give a call and if a male answers ask if he's her husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## abetterme

why do you want this guy?


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## mndlss

keko said:


> Do you know her full name? Try people search sites to get landline numbers of hers. Give a call and if a male answers ask if he's her husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yes I did get her full name but could not find her anywhere think all of her stuff is private... or maybe she just has a cell phone and no land line like most of us do now a days


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## mndlss

abetterme said:


> why do you want this guy?


He was a great husband and father before all of this happened and that is what I want back...I feel it is just soo easy to give up now a days and I feel like we could make it work and be stronger than we were before ...if he is also willing to put in the work that is


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## keko

Do you know where she works?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mndlss

keko said:


> Do you know where she works?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


all I know is she is a nurse at some old folks home ...not alot to go on there


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## mndlss

update..it has only been a few days since all the madness has happened and I have put my foot down and said I am not going to take it anymore.

For that short time he has been acting like the perfect husband trying to get in my good graces. Yesterday he was txtng me all day mostly about our daughter to get me to respond I assume, because it was nothing important. So I took my time responding, acting like I had othr things to do. He just kept texting me about insurance for our daughter making it seem like it was very important and needed an answer right away, which it didn't.

Then asked me if the reason I am not texting him is because I am talking to one of my BF..he said he knows I am just trying to be mean by not texting him back lol (this from a guy that will take 2 hours to respond to a simple text of mine). I have kept to my word that I am planing on moving out and have been looking for better jobs that way I will b able to take care of me and me daughter on my own. I have not given any hints of us staying together and have been playing everything real cool and collected like it doesn't bother me, and it is driving him crazy.

I just don't know if he has come to the realization that he is really going to loose a great thing and is trying to make some sort of effort OR if he is just doing this because the Other Women is no longer in the picture??? Like he doesn't have her to talk to so I will do for now type thing.


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## cpacan

mndlss said:


> I just don't know if he has come to the realization that he is really going to loose a great thing and is trying to make some sort of effort OR if he is just doing this because the Other Women is no longer in the picture??? Like he doesn't have her to talk to so I will do for now type thing.


Could very well be, that OW actually did write him goodbye 'cause of the potential troubles.

I would say that he is prep'ed for seeking outside your marriage and is laying low for a while looking for other opportunities, since she is apparantly not available ATM.

I think you should follow through and prepare yourself for an independent life. You can always change your mind later, but I think it is an important signal for him to read.

Good luck.


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