# Money and Divorce



## Trakeveth (Aug 20, 2010)

My husband and I have been having problems for quite some time now. He recently left for a few days to "think about things." When he came back we decided to take it day by day and see if we can fix things. At that time, we made some promises to each other about what we would each do for our part in the fixing process.

I am starting to feel resentful that what he has agreed to is not enough. I was too scared to ask him to agree to more at the time because I knew that what I really want from him, he is not willing to give me right now. I guess I just figured that maybe if I started small and worked in baby steps we could eventually get to the point where we are both happy.

Some things happened over the weekend that have me back to feeling that he will never change and he will never be able to give me what I want. Meanwhile, I feel that I am doing nothing but catering to his needs.

While he was gone I did some research about divorce. Man, is it expensive!! I honestly have no idea how people afford to get divorced and then adjust to a single income after the fact. 

We have a son and our state requires a 6 month waiting period before the divorce would be finalized. This means that if we decided on a divorce we would legally still be married for 6 months, so we would have to figure out how to handle things financially in that time period. Who would pay for what, etc.

My husband is not financially responsible. I have a feeling that if we separated (whether it be pending a divorce or just for another "thinking about things" period), he would spend so much money that there is no way we would be able to afford to live separately.

I don't want money to become the only reason that I stay in an unhappy marriage, if things don't get better soon. How do people handle the finances while going through a divorce?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You are correct. The financial aspect of divorce and separation can be devastating. It would be cheaper to pay a good counselor. 



Trakeveth said:


> My husband is not financially responsible. I have a feeling that if we separated (whether it be pending a divorce or just for another "thinking about things" period), he would spend so much money that there is no way we would be able to afford to live separately.


That is definitely a concern. My estranged husband spent twice what we both earned after he move out. We lost our business and all other assets too.


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## Trakeveth (Aug 20, 2010)

I talked to my mother about the situation and she came up with something that may be a good idea....not sure if my husband would go for it though.

If it does come down to a long-term separation she suggested that I take away his credit card and debit card and calculate how much money he would need each month for his expenses and send him a check each month for that amount.

This makes sense to me since I am the one that pays all of our bills and takes care of the budget. He knows the basics, but doesn't really have a clue about the day-to-day goings on with our budget, nor does he want to know. Talking about the budget makes him crazy.

Since I would continue to pay his bills (because they are wrapped up with mine)...his car payment, his car insurance, the mortgage, etc., I think it goes without saying that I would still need some of his income to do that and I think he would agree.

I would be very fair about the amount of money I give him to live on (I would also provide him with an itemized list of how I arrived at that number and what it includes). I am not a vindictive person and I would not do anything to purposely create an unfair situation for him.

His paycheck is set up to be direct deposited into our checking account. I suppose if he became vindictive he could have them give him a regular check and cash it, but I don't see him being that way.

I guess this is something that I just have to prepare myself for, if it comes down to that and we would just have to work it out at that time.

Does anybody else have any success stories about how they handled finances during a separation?


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