# Need advice from the men



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Hi

I have been dating a man for 4 months, we have both come out of long term marriages in the last 2 years and have both dated other people before we met.

Neither of us were looking for anything more than fun and we are both surprised at the level of connection we have and the direction this relationship is headed. Sex is great, communication is great, we laugh non stop, we share many interests and are on the same page about not meeting each others children too soon.
A lot has happened in the last few months and we have been there for each other. So basically all the above is good.

My question is about telling him that I am falling in love with him. I am scared about the whole thing especially after going through a divorce (mine was amicable). 
I have never been the first to say it and have always waited to hear it before revealing my feelings but I want to tell him.

Is it too soon? This is really confusing for me. Does it put men off if the woman says it first? What if he doesn't feel the same, would it mean the end for us?

Help and thanks.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I wouldn't blurt it out if you think he may turn and run. try saying something like "We seem to connect better than anyone I have connected with before." and see where that leads. Little hints here and there.

However, if you have something long term in mind and feel that if his feelings aren't the same as yours and you want to find someone whose feelings are the same as yours, you may want to get the "love" discussion on the table now so you don't waste your time.


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## Mr.not.so.right (Aug 28, 2012)

Its not too soon if you feel you love him. My wife was the first to say I love you when we were dating, for months we said things like "I love being with you" without actually saying the magic words. So when she said it, it was great. I don't think it puts men off, quite the opposite.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Are you two "OFFICIALLY" in a relationship (exclusive and together) or are you just "dating"/not exclusive? That's key to me.

If you two are officially in a relationship, I think there's no harm is saying something more on the lines of "I can see myself falling in love with you" during a time of closeness to test the water. I might wait to officially say it when you are both ready to fully integrate (kids etc.) but most important, just go with your heart.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Thanks for the great replies

There have been little hints from both sides but I think we are both being cautious as it is such a new relationship and life after divorce is so different to life pre marriage. He often says that he loves doing this or that together, he loves making love to me etc so the word itself has been said often. We have both said we feel very attached to each other.

Yes we are officially in a relationship and exclusive, we had this discussion some time ago and it certainly feels good to be this way. 

OK I am going to just relax with this a bit and when the time and opportunity feels right I will tell him that I am falling in love with him.


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

Just wait. As a divorced man I would not have liked the woman saying it first. Just my opinion and if you see it going somwhere which it sounds like that's whats happening then let him say it to you. He will know when time is right.

He apparently loves you too - he wouldn't use the word in random quotes if he didn't but he just wants to find the right time to do it. It is probably something he takes very seriously as do you and wants to mull it over to ensure its right.

I have said it to one woman since being divorced (2.5 years) and I spent a solid month or two making sure it was love as I didn't just want to throw out the word and be wrong.

Things are headed in right direction. So be patient is all I can say even though I'm sure it is on the tip of your tongue - plus unless he's just not paying attention he'll be able to tell you love him just by looking into your eyes. dead giveaway.

Joe


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Hi Joe, thanks for your input

yes I am sure he is taking this seriously and will wait for the right time to say it. It is good to hear your perspective being a divorced man.

I don't want to push things too fast for either of us.


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

yes patience is crucial when people are divorced and kids are involved b/c you have to deal with a lot more aspects than you'd want to in a typical - beginning relationship.

i don't know either of your situations - just wanted to provide what i would expect. 

For me love became something I honestly didn't believe I would find again. It was scary. It was something I didn't even want b/c I'd rather focus on me, my relationships I lost, and my boy.

So you are doing the right thing. I know it's hard not to say it but give him the signals and he'll say it. If he doesn't eventually then say it and see what happens. Better to know how he truly feels and you don't want him holding back - that could mean something too.

Joe


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

yes scary is the word. I never really thought about finding love again but this has happened unexpectedly and while it is fantastic it is also scary.


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