# I think she is a Narcissist



## OOPSIDIDITAGAIN (Oct 13, 2020)

SO I met a woman just over a year ago. She was highly educated , smart beautiful and loving. She had a 10 year old Son. I have two Sons, one Married (28) the other Single (23). they are both highly successful. We had a whirlwind romance. She was everything I wanted. She had her own home, car etc. She was working in a great field (so I thought).
To make a long story short, we got engaged and Married rather quickly and then I moved in with her and her son. About two months later the Covid-19 Pandemic and lockdown hit. I will get into my issues with the child at a later date (I have learned that his issues are his mother and I am sure his nearly non-existent fathers fault). He is basically a good kid.

A few weeks after moving in and finding out she had left her job months before we met and blamed legal issues due to her child custody and divorce (9 years ago) also found out she owes real Estate Taxes for multiple years. Of Course she expects me to pay them..She claims that since she has no mortgage and I do not pay rent , that this is my contribution. My issue is that she has spent more then Rent, and a new car and 3/4's of this money has come from me and her child support.

What I started to notice is how much she would reject friends, neighbors and the like because she felt slighted or just felt they did something that did not fit her view of how people should act.
Then she started to tell me I was standing wrong, sitting wrong, Crossing my legs like I was Gay (homophobic as well by the way). She also starts telling me that every famous male ever is really gay. It just went on from there. I also noticed that a lot of her family had moved away from dealing with her. About half her siblings were close to her , the other half will not talk to her.

I went to an attorney and said I need a divorce. His main reason to me was that she is a spender and will keep spending my money. My reason was the control and abuse. Oh and if I get angry at her because of the way she treats me, I am getting too angry, I am sick need a shrink (which when I talked to one she got mad at me and tried to call him)and I am supposedly teaching her son to disrespect woman.

She believes that Woman can do what they want and if you even show anger as a man, I mean just a normal tone of disagreement , you are being disrespectful.

After one argument she decided to sign us up for counseling. So, I never went through with filing. Things are up and down, the Sex is great, but this cycle of abuse of me repeats. Now, believe me I am no Unicorn and I know it. Just ask my ex-wife.. Yeah she cheated , yeah she...(well put it this way I was given custody of my sons and all the assets of the marriage , despite my State being no fault), that was a long, long time ago, in a Galaxy far far away.

To skip ahead to our latest spat..me and Wifey number two , we have not spoken in two days , except when she asked me to rub her back.

I am going to continue this story, but I am wondering if their is a specific forum I should be on...


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## Doug Dimmadome (Oct 9, 2020)

Abandon ship. And poor kid, breaks my heart.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

OOPSIDIDITAGAIN said:


> I am going to continue this story, but I am wondering if their is a specific forum I should be on...


Keep it in one thread, it makes it easier for people to follow your story and give better advice.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@OOPSIDIDITAGAIN I have moved your thread to General Relationships.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

OOPSIDIDITAGAIN said:


> I went to an attorney and said I need a divorce. His main reason to me was that she is a spender and will keep spending my money. My reason was the control and abuse. Oh and if I get angry at her because of the way she treats me, I am getting too angry, I am sick need a shrink (which when I talked to one she got mad at me and tried to call him)and I am supposedly teaching her son to disrespect woman.


I don't know if you'll be back or not, but the ^^above^^ doesn't make sense to me. You went to an attorney to file for divorce. The you say "his" main reason to you is she's a spender. So what? You don't need grounds to divorce her, although fraud on her part springs to mind as a justifiable reason.

So why aren't you cutting bait and heading for the hills? Just dump her. She's a freeloader and you were the poor sap she sucked in. End it already.


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## TomNebraska (Jun 14, 2016)

OOPSIDIDITAGAIN said:


> After one argument she decided to sign us up for counseling. So, I never went through with filing. Things are up and down, the Sex is great, but this cycle of abuse of me repeats. Now, believe me I am no Unicorn and I know it. Just ask my ex-wife.. Yeah she cheated , yeah she...(well put it this way I was given custody of my sons and all the assets of the marriage , despite my State being no fault), that was a long, long time ago, in a Galaxy far far away.
> 
> To skip ahead to our latest spat..me and Wifey number two , we have not spoken in two days , except when she asked me to rub her back.
> ...


if not narcissist, sounds like she might be on the personality disorder spectrum.

Kinda surprising you'd make the mistake of moving in so quickly, without getting to know her, after enduring a bad marriage and divorce once already.

How did counseling go?


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

Once you moved in, the mask fell off.

The warning signs were how she treated people already in her life, as well as her ex husband.

There is a possibility that the ex was a turd of a partner, but given what you have witnessed, maybe she is the reason he is not in the picture for his kid.

Regardless, you fell for the act that alot of single mothers seem to do. They need someone to pick up the bill, and will become a chameleon until they have you trapped (marriage/moved in).

It's a crappy situation for the kid, and it is a shame that he is having a warped start to life, but you can get away from her, and hopefully you have learnt a lesson in what to look for should you decide to pursue relationships again.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

What made you decide to move into her place and not in your place?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Stories like this is why I would never, and advise others to never, marry anyone without having been in an exclusive committed relationship for at least 2 full years. I'm also a big proponent of living together for at least several months - after you've known your partner for a couple years - before you get married. Most people who are masking their disfunction during dating can't really keep it up 24/7 for years, particularly not when living with a partner. Time generally allows you to get to know the real person before becoming legally and financially entangled. 

OP, you made the classic mistake. She was hot. The sex was hot. So, you thought she was "the one" before you ever actually got to know the real her. Turns out the real her is crazy, and not in a fun way. 

This won't get better. If you don't want to deal with this level of drama and dysfunction for the next several years or the rest of your life, you need to get out now. File for divorce. It won't ever be easier or cleaner to end this marriage than it is right now. 

And then do some real work to fix your picker before you even think about getting back out into the dating scene.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Please get out she is a user and probably a Narcissist if not a psychopath or sociopath. 

The explanations they give for all the failures in their life can be complicated, humorous and even entertaining, but there is a great deal of arrogance in their thinking you believe them.

Speak with the sons father I think he is gone for good reason and that is your W, his past is your future, she will use your faults as a pretext for cheating at some point.

People like her are skilled at finding men like you who are vulnerable, they strike fast too hence the whirlwind courtship.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

No job? Hmmm
Homophobe? Hmmmm
Spendthrift? Hmmmm
why did you move in with HER? 
what do you have against contributing to bills? 
rest of the story?

you’ve seen a lawyer. What do you want to hear? We don’t know her....


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## OOPSIDIDITAGAIN (Oct 13, 2020)

Hi,
What I neglected to say is I am the one who is the narcissist and just used this chat to support my psychopathy. Let this be a lesson to everyone on this thread. There are two sides to every story, and before you feed someone negativity, just know that you might be on the end of the sociopath's web of deceit. I am now in counseling with a psychiatrist, who has doubled my medication, a psychologist who has now spoken with my wife after a mental breakdown that I had, as well as a hypnotherapist to help with my pathological lying. My wife has a PhD in science and thankfully was able to see these traits in me and stick by me while I get help. Trauma at an early age is real, and can dictate how you treat others as an adult. I have been a cheater, a liar, and a pornography addict. My wife and her son did not deserve the type of person I have been to them, or how I utilized this thread to fuel a poisonous and unhealthy view of my marriage.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

OOPSIDIDITAGAIN said:


> Hi,
> What I neglected to say is I am the one who is the narcissist and just used this chat to support my psychopathy. Let this be a lesson to everyone on this thread. There are two sides to every story, and before you feed someone negativity, just know that you might be on the end of the sociopath's web of deceit. I am now in counseling with a psychiatrist, who has doubled my medication, a psychologist who has now spoken with my wife after a mental breakdown that I had, as well as a hypnotherapist to help with my pathological lying. My wife has a PhD in science and thankfully was able to see these traits in me and stick by me while I get help. Trauma at an early age is real, and can dictate how you treat others as an adult. I have been a cheater, a liar, and a pornography addict. My wife and her son did not deserve the type of person I have been to them, or how I utilized this thread to fuel a poisonous and unhealthy view of my marriage.


At least you were able to admit openly that you are the piece of trash.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

OOPSIDIDITAGAIN said:


> Hi,
> What I neglected to say is I am the one who is the narcissist and just used this chat to support my psychopathy. Let this be a lesson to everyone on this thread. There are two sides to every story, and before you feed someone negativity, just know that you might be on the end of the sociopath's web of deceit. I am now in counseling with a psychiatrist, who has doubled my medication, a psychologist who has now spoken with my wife after a mental breakdown that I had, as well as a hypnotherapist to help with my pathological lying. My wife has a PhD in science and thankfully was able to see these traits in me and stick by me while I get help. Trauma at an early age is real, and can dictate how you treat others as an adult. I have been a cheater, a liar, and a pornography addict. My wife and her son did not deserve the type of person I have been to them, or how I utilized this thread to fuel a poisonous and unhealthy view of my marriage.


Don't worry, dude. Your spam troll account will be dealt with.

Your wife has a PhD in science? Wow! All of science! How fun! 

@OOPSIDIDITAGAIN


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)




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