# Having alone time with my daughter



## danstar25 (Jun 4, 2012)

First time post and was hoping to get some others opinion on an issue in our household.
My daughter is 11 and spends about 40% of her time at our house. The other time she is with her biological mom. My wife also has 2 kids from another marriage.
The issue is, my daughter and I want to spend time alone doing things (go to movie, putt putt, working on a project etc) at the house or away from the house every once in awhile. 
My wife gets very upset when I want to do this and says I am not thinking of her kids feelings. Her kids get daddy daughter time alone when they are at their dads. I tell her that I do think of her kids feelings but I think its more of a jealousy thing than anything else. 
We are both at an impasse at this point.
I want to make the point of "every once in a while". Its about every 6 months I want to do this but I would like it to be more but I simply do not to avoid the fight I know I will have with my wife. Also, yes, we do things as a whole family on a regular basis.


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

I think your wife is being unreasonable. My husband and I aren't divorced and still make a point to take one kid out alone with one of us as often as possible. Sure the other kids don't love it but they get their turn just like your step kids get not only family outings with you and your wife but with their own dad.

I would start on taking her out while your step kids are with their dad so it become more of a regular thing and everyone gets used to it.


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## ukf32 (Jul 10, 2012)

I think it's really important to spend quality 1-1 time with children, you are absolutely right to insist on it. Difficult to understand why your wife has a problem with it to be honest...seems like she is afraid of favouritism and hurt feelings. Have you suggested spending individual time with all 3 of the children? And for her to do the same thing?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I understand your wife. Imagine that you're taking your daughter to [insert fun activity here]. The other kids hear about it. Would like to go too. But you're only taking your daughter. 

That sends the message that you really don't care about them. That's how the kids will see it and they have probably told your wife that. Believe me, if i hear that stuff from kids being a teacher i'm pretty sure they have shared that with their mother. 

I fully understand your need to have that 1:1 time with your daughter. But your wife (women have this dream of the stepfather being at least as good to their kids as they are to their own) sees this as a rejection of her kids.

I propose you do some stuff to include all the kids. Even if it means going that extra mile.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Or try to get 1:1 time with your daughter when the kids are over at their dad's.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

> Preserving original relationships is also important and can help children experience less loss at sharing a parent. So at times it is helpful for a parent and biological children to have some time together, in addition to stepfamily activities.


From:
Helps for Blended Families
(too much to copy, but worth sharing with your new wife.

Also:
Family Musings and Counseling | FamilyWisdom.com - Ellen Terich


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