# Her affair: if her parents divorced & she was abused...



## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Does anyone have any statistics on the likelihood a wife will have an affair if:

1) Her parents divorced
2) She was sexually abused as a child


Mine's a lost cause, but I'm just looking for some data/stories so I can identify patterns and better understand what happened.


----------



## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

If you are my FWH's MOW's BS then the answer is 100%. Personally I think we are made to rise above the bad that happens to us. And to treat others better than we have been treated in the past.


----------



## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Underwater...what's FWH and MOW?


----------



## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Underwater...what's FWH and MOW?


FWH = Former wayward husband
MOW = Married other woman

I'd say there's probably at least a correlation, arguably causative, between past sexual trauma and infidelity. Victims of sexual abuse, especially when that abuse comes at the hand of a married family member have an understandably jaded view of the sanctity of marital fidelity. They also tend to have self-esteem issues where they require affirmation of the emotional self-worth and physical attractiveness. A friend (once almost pulled the trigger and entered a relationship with her) told me that she felt emotionally stunted by her own sexual trauma (at the hands of a former boyfriend) and that for a long time her only means of expressing affection was through sex. It's unhealthy behavior, obviously, but there it is.


----------



## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Means nothing. People from crappy backgrounds will do crappy things, people from normal backgrounds will do crappy things, people from 100% loving and structured backgrounds will still wind up doing crappy things. 

All depends on the person and their temperament.

But victims of abuse during youth have a higher percentage of people with issues so always good to keep distance from them.


----------



## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Underwater...what's FWH and MOW?


What about PSC and MOW vs the UCSD? I don't think that the POSOM is going to MUBD over the VERUM with the WWxWW?
Do you?


----------



## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

husbandfool said:


> What about PSC and MOW vs the UCSD? I don't think that the POSOM is going to MUBD over the VERUM with the WWxWW?
> Do you?


HOLY JESUS, my brain cant even comprehend all that after 3pm!!


----------



## catholicman (Jan 3, 2013)

NotDoneYet said:


> Does anyone have any statistics on the likelihood a wife will have an affair if:
> 
> 1) Her parents divorced
> 2) She was sexually abused as a child
> ...


Both are huge indicators that EA may occur. 

My wife was victim of a two year sexual abuse by a family member. She withheld that information from me prior to marraige and two children. 

I wish I had known, I wish I had known.


----------



## Link182 (May 25, 2012)

My WW was the victim of sexual abuse as a child by an uncle possibly (she's not certain) and for sure by her step dad who is still married to her mother. Since I met her she always struggled with self identity and self esteem issues. Her mother cheated on her father, her step dad cheated on her mother, several bi-polar aunt's etc etc. 

But I follow the line of thought that says that given the right situation any person from any background will cheat, if they so chose.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

NotDoneYet said:


> I'm just looking for some data/stories so I can identify patterns and better understand what happened.


It's not your fault, you didnt miss anything. 

What happened is that she's human. 

She wanted to cheat and she found a way to let herself do it.


----------



## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

hahaha....in english please. I did not understand that statement enough to answer.


----------



## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

this is a funny one. as i was the abused child by a family memeber, parents divorced and step daddy couldnt keep hands to self.

as for hubby he had great parents, great rolemodels.knew he was loved and was actualy a bit spoilt and he had the affair

so i'd say no it doesnt mean im going to hvae an affair


----------



## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

My IC does a lot of work with cheating and cheated spouses and has compiled family history for many patients. According to my IC's studies (which are limited, obviously) there is a direct correlation between dysfunction/abuse and future infidelity. Not a one to one correlation, but the odds of some form of marital break increases when one of the couple is from a dysfunctional/abusive background. I believe this from my personal experience. 

My stbxw came from a totally dysfunctional family. Her mom was her Dad's third wife and he physically and emotionally abused my MIL. When my stbxw was in first year university, she helped her mother to escape the relationship - moving her Mom, her younger sister and her younger brother into a small apartment that she paid for by working part time and her Mom by doing in-home sewing. Her Mom then disappeared for 3 months - nobody knew where she went so my stbxw had to live with friends and her sister and brother lived with relatives. Her sister ran away, her brother got into trouble and spent time in youth detention. My stbxw was the only one in her family to complete high school. She is the only one in her extended family (step brothers/sisters) to graduate from University. To this day, my stbxw doesn't know where her mom went for those two months. Since I've known my stbxw (27 years) her Mom has been the mistress for a string of loser married men. Finally, she met an unattached man, but he was an alcoholic and died eventually of liver failure. 

Meanwhile, my stbxw immigrated to Canada (vs me going to her country) and continued to send money home each month. My stbxw prospered here - built a career - had a family - was loving and responsible - she was a total success story - all by hard work and lots of support. Great career, great family, great shared interests, no money worries because we both worked and could have lived on my salary alone. Then she turned forty and had a major MLC at age 43. It's like she wanted to re-live her adolescence and be wild, crazy and irresponsible for the first time in her life. I didn't know how to respond (if only I knew about this forum, then). 

Oddly, when her Dad died my stbxw flew home and grieved with the family. It was like he was the greatest Dad in the world. Personally, I would have spit on his grave. That same summer, my stbxw (at age 44) began her EA. 

One year later it became a PA.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

husbandfool said:


> What about PSC and MOW vs the UCSD? I don't think that the POSOM is going to MUBD over the VERUM with the WWxWW?
> Do you?


??? What are all of these abbreviations as a newb it can be very hard to follow a thread with them all


----------

