# No sex - considering divorce



## sienster (Dec 6, 2010)

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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

Go make love to your wife.


Is she physically pushing you away or is it just not good anymore because she's not into it?


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## sienster (Dec 6, 2010)

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## drock (Dec 4, 2010)

Hey, 
I have the exact problem. You should check out my posts too. My wife was also molested and raped. She would call me on the phone at work and tell me that she would have sex with me but when I got home it was a different story. She refuses to admit that it had to do with her turbulent past but I beg to differ with her. I love her and I know she loves me. However, unfortunately we have come to the end of our rope because the frustration has gotten to me in a way that I just can't find it in me to turn back. So now I am not giving her the quality of relationship she wants. This does make me "seem" like a bad guy and I feel like crap but it is what it is. Our marriage has suffered. By the way, I have known my wife for 20 years, lived together for 12 and 2 out of those years we have been married. But now I am not giving her what she wants because I am sexually too frustrated (which I told her about) and she is not giving me what I want either and neither one of us can rearrange our feelings to make it better. So it's splitsville.
If you can afford counseling , it might help. If she has the issues you say, she REALLY needs help. Try a counselor, your church or any church (if you believe in the lord). Other than that, well, there are no guarantees in the game of Love. It hurts to break up but consider the pros and cons.
Good luck


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## sienster (Dec 6, 2010)

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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

sienster said:


> Thanks drock. I will check out your posts. It's always good to know that we're not the only ones going through the same thing. I believe in the Lord, but unfortunately, she does not. She's Hindu, althought not practicing (she's of Indian decent). She doesn't promise any sex, per se, but realizes that I want it. She'll offer it, but it seems like its out of pitty. When this happens, I don't even want it. I want her to love me and for it to happen naturally.
> 
> Appreciate your advice. I wish you luck and hope that you can find a woman you can be happy with!


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

sienster said:


> Thanks drock. I will check out your posts. It's always good to know that we're not the only ones going through the same thing. I believe in the Lord, but unfortunately, she does not. She's Hindu, althought not practicing (she's of Indian decent). She doesn't promise any sex, per se, but realizes that I want it. She'll offer it, but it seems like its out of pitty. When this happens, I don't even want it. I want her to love me and for it to happen naturally.
> 
> Appreciate your advice. I wish you luck and hope that you can find a woman you can be happy with!


I understand how you feel. I just want to ask is it possible a medical issue. For men, lacking of testosterone causes low sex drive, so how about for women?
I think myself still have sexual desire but it's just for someone else when I see my husband I feel a turn off. The reason is he's not fit with not much fun.
In the past, I struggled like you due to my husband's low testosterone. I've waited many years till now his T level is within normal range, but the problem is I've already lost interests in him. In the past, I was like you, I dislike pity sex and I wanted him to desire me naturally... Now I don't even care he desires me or not. I'm doing fine taking care of myself.
I don't want divorce because marriage is also about family and many other things.
How do you think? If you have no kids involved, you have a better situation to get divorced.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sienster (Dec 6, 2010)

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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

sienster said:


> In addition to abuse in the past, yes, she does have physical issues. She gets migraines and has them often. I love her and her family and she is the same way. We are known as such a cute couple when we are out and about, but when it's just her and I, we fight and need to be apart to keep the peace...


Out of bed, you have great relationship and friendly to each other's family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sienster (Dec 6, 2010)

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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

sienster said:


> Yes, we both like each other's families. We get along pretty good when other people are around. I would say we only get along about 1/3 of the time when it's just the two of us. She says I "yell" at her a lot. I find myself being critical of her and voice it to her. I've tried to stop, but it's difficult. I think I'm just frustrated with the lack of sex and intimacy and it's affecting my overall mood and the resentment is causing the innner anger.


I've seen couples not have sex literally for years because they didn't talk about it. You've mentioned 3 things that I take particular notice of in your posts _pity sex, playing hard to get, I feel her goal is to keep me at bay. _

In most cases there is no goal, just like in her mind right now she is trying to figure out what your goal is. You however don't have a goal you just want good intimate lovemaking. Don't let her giggling and playing hard to get turn you off, did she do that the first time you guys ever had sex, if so what did you do?

Try doing something to put the fire back into your guys sex life like a nice long hot sweaty marathon sex session. You'll know right away if that's not what she wants, if it is what she wants then you both may be happy with the outcome.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

This is a common enough cycle. You feel unloved by lack of intimacy. You start feeling grumpy and critical. That sure does not help her desire to desire you if she feels you yell at her all the time. Get over to marriage builders. Find out how to make deposits in each others love banks. Also read "Passionate Marriage."


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Throw the grenade. Tell her you would like to find a way that the two of you can become closer and more intimate. If she isn't onboard, then your choice is obvious - inform her that you want to end the marriage.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I guess I am with Deejo. Make sure she KNOWS how important this is to you... like end of marriage important. Deal breaker...


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## sienster (Dec 6, 2010)

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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

> I find myself being critical of her and voice it to her.


I think there are probably other issues in your relationship as well, and you probably won't getting much sex until those are fixed. I also agree that the cycle of no sex leads to fighting leads to no sex is common. I would suggest either MC or books. Everything you said sounds fixable. Put work into it and it can get 100x better.


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