# Crazy how everything changes..



## 267218 (Nov 22, 2016)

K thanks bye


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Is the other girl really pregnant? If so, he needs a DNA test to confirm he is the father.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Honestly? 

He is not telling the whole story, and I bet the OW is not either. 

Do not trust the OW in this case. 

I would not reconcile with him. NOT A FLUCKING CHANCE. you have no children RUN. 


Do you want to be with a person with OBVIOUSLY poor coping skills? Probably not. 

Can he learn good coping? Yes, but that takes time. 

He might have knocked up this girl and you wont know for certain till a DNA test, but say the child IS his... You can't do that. 
The pain of knowing he had a child FIRST with her? No... Not while you were together. 

Please just end it with him. 

He may be remorseful but sometimes we as humans GO TOO FAR in our mistakes that there is simply NO coming back from it. 

You were in counseling before the affair... Do you want to be in and out and back in counseling for the next 5-25 years of your marriage? I certainly would not. 

No kids together, but he has one on the way. Let him sort out this NEW life he created for himself. Leave. That is my advice.


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## 267218 (Nov 22, 2016)

No she's not.. after they did it once 3 days later she texted saying she was.. she has a gf and I told the gf what was going on and she said we are lying cause gf not pregnant


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## 267218 (Nov 22, 2016)

Yeah prefer to hear from men & women who been in similar situation.. like I said previously .. not somebody just giving their random 2 cent.. & the girl not pregnant


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Tryingtomakeit5344 said:


> Yeah prefer to hear from men & women who been in similar situation.. like I said previously .. not somebody just giving their random 2 cent.. & the girl not pregnant


Im not some random. We have all been in infidelity HERE, and often many have been here on this forum for years reading story after story. and I can tell you...Staying if she is pregnant with HIS baby is and would be torture for decades to come. 

If he is not the dad or she is not pregnant, then sure maybe you guys have a shot... But I don't see it good if he is going to be a dad...


People don't often just hand out two cents willy nilly here, It takes precious time to respond with a caring attitude....I responded to your post because I CARED, but i guess i will stop. Since you only want someone in your EXACT position.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Seems like your H has hooked up with a crazy person... Lies, blackmail, maybe pregnant or not. (You have conflicting info from crappy sources) 
If she is pregnant... Then he's stuck with her, child support, etc. More drama to come.

You asked about some similar experiences.
One of the factors that caused my wife to cheat was that I was having ED issues from trauma. Not even Viagra would work much. But she took that to mean I didn't find her attractive, I didn't love her much. She cried about it too back then. So yeah, even or doctor explained that to her, that it didn't have to be anything to do with her. And like you, I was crying on the inside about it. It's great that the equipment works fine now, without Viagra too.

If the crazy woman is not pregnant and you want to R. File an RO against her, maybe blackmail charges too. Get a better MC therapist... Work on yourselves.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tryingtomakeit5344 said:


> Yeah prefer to hear from men & women who been in similar situation.. like I said previously .. not somebody just giving their random 2 cent.. & the girl not pregnant


Your comment accusing members here of giving their "random 2 cent" might be considered to be rude and insulting.

Sadly, the vast majority of people in the Coping With Infidelity section of Talk About Marriage have a vast amount of knowledge that was obtained by their husband, wife, fiance cheating on them. 

So, take on board all the advice that will be offered to you here.

And how does her friend know, for sure, that the OW is not pregnant?

Incidentally, your post is a little difficult to read so if you could please edit it to add paragraph breaks that would be very helpful.


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## 267218 (Nov 22, 2016)

TaDor said:


> Seems like your H has hooked up with a crazy person... Lies, blackmail, maybe pregnant or not. (You have conflicting info from crappy sources)
> If she is pregnant... Then he's stuck with her, child support, etc. More drama to come.
> 
> You asked about some similar experiences.
> ...


Thanks. & because we are Military we don't want to file charges due to it being because of cheating then that'll lead to bigger issues.. but she is def not pregnant.. we know that for sure.. just trying to see are others affect by depression & think like he does.. because we all grow up differently in my home nothing was wrong you just weren't praying hard enough lol so leaving home and joining the army my eyes have been open to so much with very little trustworthy people around to talk to about certain things but again thank you , I appreciate it & we are trying .


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## 267218 (Nov 22, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Your comment accusing members here of giving their "random 2 cent" might be considered to be rude and insulting.
> 
> Sadly, the vast majority of people in the Coping With Infidelity section of Talk About Marriage have a vast amount of knowledge that was obtained by their husband, wife, fiance cheating on them.
> 
> ...


 Because duh the situation is bad so for someone to say oh he lied he sneaky leave him because you have no kids &cause he has poor coping skill cause everybody that cheats has poor coping skills cause there are a million other things that could have done... And I said I wanted to hear from people who've experienced similar situation meaning they dealt with some one who was depressed or a man that cheated because he was feeling depressed.. to get an understanding.. not for somebody tell me to leave or stay which I'm seeing some people think they're entitled to provide that information which I care nothing about.. honestly.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Tryingtomakeit5344 said:


> Yeah prefer to hear from men & women who been in similar situation.. like I said previously .. not somebody just giving their random 2 cent..


That's like saying "I was just in a car accident and I want to figure out what I did wrong so please only give advice if you've been in a wreck".


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Um....we all in infidelity have experience with Depression... Myself, and my WH included. 

You just don't like what you are hearing. PERIOD. If you only what to hear about rainbows and gum drops, go to Marriage builders and SI...Here you will get in (TRENCH ADVICE: meaning in the trenches of war, love is a battlefield) most of us here have tried Reconciliation (I myself have tried.) Reconciliation is AWFUL...period end of story. I would not be doing it if it were not for the fact we have been together 12 years and have three children. 

Starting OVER with someone else is MUCH EASIER than reparation. 

This is a blow you will be feeling for a VERY long time, especially longer if you stay with him. Thats the last of my advice, because you are tender, and you wont hear anymore... 

You are attached to the outcome of reconciliation. I can see 

so sorry I can't be the light of hope you want. 

GOOD LUCK.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Sorry, dual post/.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Tryingtomakeit5344 said:


> Because duh the situation is bad so for someone to say oh he lied he sneaky leave him because you have no kids &cause he has poor coping skill cause everybody that cheats has poor coping skills cause there are a million other things that could have done... And I said I wanted to hear from people who've experienced similar situation meaning they dealt with some one who was depressed or a man that cheated because he was feeling depressed.. to get an understanding.. not for somebody tell me to leave or stay which I'm seeing some people think they're entitled to provide that information which I care nothing about.. honestly.


First of all, you're in the military?? I find it hard to believe that someone in the military has such poor writing skills. I can't even make it through your original post because it's just a wall of text with no organization. It reads like something a two year old would write, if they could write.

I also find it hard to believe that someone with military training is so unable to actually hear what people are saying. Your husband cheated on you. Everything else is extraneous. Cheaters all act the same in ways most people can't even imagine.

If you really want some help, read this thread. All of it. Then come back and tell us what you've learned.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This post reminded me of a neighbor we had a while back.

The husband was an OK guy but weak and impressionable. The only thing he was really good at was golf. I went golfing with him and he made me a better putter.

He opened up to me about his wife. I had talked to her on many occasions.

She was a barracuda. She ruled the roost and told him what, when and how he would do everything. She tolerated his golf game because that was something she liked also.

He ended up cheating on her, he ended up getting dumped. 

His butt hurt from hitting the ground so hard. He healed and found a women who liked him. A women that was kissable.

Her? She has not remarried. She drives them away...one by one.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tryingtomakeit5344 said:


> Because duh the situation is bad so for someone to say oh he lied he sneaky leave him because you have no kids &cause he has poor coping skill cause everybody that cheats has poor coping skills cause there are a million other things that could have done... And I said I wanted to hear from people who've experienced similar situation meaning they dealt with some one who was depressed or a man that cheated because he was feeling depressed.. to get an understanding.. not for somebody tell me to leave or stay which I'm seeing some people think they're entitled to provide that information which I care nothing about.. honestly.


It is considered poor behaviour to come to a help and advice forum and to be rude to people who are offering your their own experience-based advice and opinions.

Not only is it rude it also risks being in contravention of the rules http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/2117-forum-rules-please-read-first.html.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> It is considered poor behaviour to come to a help and advice forum and to be rude to people who are offering your their own experience-based advice and opinions.
> 
> 
> 
> Not only is it rude it also risks being in contravention of the rules http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/2117-forum-rules-please-read-first.html.




People who come here are hurting. They also might not have good communication skills, which would be part of their marriage problem. 

I like to teach, not lecture. But i lecture too much. Part of the reason i am here.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

But when you are attacking and being rude to people that spend 10 or 20 min to read your story, to emotionally get involved with the situation, to empathize with the OP and make a thoughtful post on their behalf, not from a willy nilly attitude but from a genuine place of caring and have the op attack the advice is poor form. 

I know she is hurting, but she obviously has an issue with how she treats other people. To be so....i don't know how to even label it, it is just a serious character flaw. But I still do care, and hope she realizes the INVESTMENT reconciliation is with a man like her partner is. 

She is in la la land thinking that there is a CURE. I am trying to explain to her that her arm is rotten and there is no CURE, only a treatment and its painful and RISKY TO HER HEALTH. Its much easier to amputate. (Metaphor for reconciliation vrs. Divorce.) 

But she does not like that advice. I get it. Im not taking it personally...I have been where she is. I just don't think i was that rude. (Maybe I was, have been) I certainly have been PISSED off by what some people say in my threads. LOL 

I think she does not deserve what happened to her. Her spouse has a poor excuse and the outlook is bad.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

threelittlestars said:


> But when you are attacking and being rude to people that spend 10 or 20 min to read your story, to emotionally get involved with the situation, to empathize with the OP and make a thoughtful post on their behalf, not from a willy nilly attitude but from a genuine place of caring and have the op attack the advice is poor form.
> 
> I know she is hurting, but she obviously has an issue with how she treats other people. To be so....i don't know how to even label it, it is just a serious character flaw. But I still do care, and hope she realizes the INVESTMENT reconciliation is with a man like her partner is.
> 
> ...




You were not rude. 

Glad you stick around to help others. You are very wise.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> You were not rude.
> 
> Glad you stick around to help others. You are very wise.



You are very sweet Blue, But i still think I'm an idiot most days. :grin2:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Tryingtomakeit5344 said:


> Because duh the situation is bad so for someone to say oh he lied he sneaky leave him because you have no kids &cause he has poor coping skill cause everybody that cheats has poor coping skills cause there are a million other things that could have done... And I said I wanted to hear from people who've experienced similar situation meaning they dealt with some one who was depressed or a man that cheated because he was feeling depressed.. to get an understanding.. not for somebody tell me to leave or stay which I'm seeing some people think they're entitled to provide that information which I care nothing about.. honestly.




Plenty of people deal w/ depression w/o committing infidelity.

Your husband cheated due to either a lack of morals or a lapse in morals. (Given much of what you've posted, I'm inclined to believe the former.)

PERIOD.

What you're hoping to hear is that your husband is a) somehow unique among cheaters and b) suddenly being honest. (He's not. Case in point -- it wasn't "just oral".)

Sorry, but you've got the same crappy cheater that everyone else has.

But hey... if you still want hear from others that have lived through what you seem to somehow think is some sort of "unique" life experience involving depression and infidelity, maybe head over to the "Going Through Separation or Divorce" or "Life After Divorce" sections.

Should be eye-opening.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

So he cheated on you and then he cheated on you again and even paid the crazy girl he slept with?

...and his excuse for putting his thingie into someone else and paying her off was that he was depressed and terrified that you find out?

Holy smokes! She forced him to sleep with her the second time and you believe that?

Stop your marriage counseling, it is money thrown in the trash. He slept with her because he wanted too both times. He even paid her afterwards. They probably slept together more than 2 times. You are not getting all the truth and you never will. 

5 years is nothing once he cheated. It meant nothing to him regardless of your so called dry spell. Marriage vows states in sickness and in health, for rich or poor. You had problems. He took the cowards way out and when he was outed by the OW, he plays the depressed card. What a convenient excuse and you bought it hook, line and sinker.

You want to reconcile? Then do so. If you love him and believe him why not giving a chance. But keep your eyes wide open because trust has been severely broken .

I hope your marriage survives. Please be careful and guard your heart and don't blame yourself for his poor choices!


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I agree with @Hope1964. PLEASE go back, click EDIT and add paragraphs (spaces) to your original post. 
I'm pretty sure I gave myself a migraine trying to read it and also decipher what in the world you were talking about. 
Many posters on here would give up after your first few lines.
Since you have strict rules on who is worthy to reply to you, I think you will want to up your chance of readership so
you have the best chance to get a perfect jury of your peers.

Considering your guidelines, I don't qualify, so Spicy OUT!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Sorry, I could only make it about 1/3 through that posting of War and Peace due to the bad grammar, horrific spelling, lack of punctuation and no paragraphs.

From what I can glean from the other replies, it seems you're only looking for other betrayed spouses who want very badly to believe their cheating partner *only* did what they did because they were '_depressed_.'

Here's some 411 - the world is FULL of depressed people. Big deal. That doesn't mean they're all out chasing tail because their "depression" somehow entitles them to do so. What a ludicrous concept.

Keep making excuses for Enrico Suave's catting around, but don't cry foul when he does it again - because he *will.* Maybe next time, his excuse will be that he was unhappy with his job, or he had a fight with his mother, or his car broke down, or his favorite sports team lost or Jupiter is in retrograde. As long as you're willing to accept any feeble excuse for his cheating, he'll take that and run with it.

Lastly, if you're only looking for people willing to delude themselves and use lame excuses for why their husbands cheated on them just so they can *continue* hanging onto their cheaters at all costs, check out SI. You'll find lots of people wiling to do what you're doing.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Sorry, I could only make it about 1/3 through that posting of War and Peace due to the bad grammar, horrific spelling, lack of punctuation and no paragraphs.
> 
> From what I can glean from the other replies, it seems you're only looking for other betrayed spouses who want very badly to believe their cheating partner *only* did what they did because they were '_depressed_.'
> 
> ...




Good advice. First paragraph was unnecessary.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> Good advice. First paragraph was unnecessary.


I disagree. If people really want help on here, we have to be able to figure out what they're saying. I can overlook the odd textspeak abbreviation or spelling error, I can usually follow a run on sentence, I can even usuaally read a wall of text and follow it. But this was totally ridiculous. I've been here a while and I think it's the most disorganized post I have ever seen. If someone was truly in so much distress that they couldn't write coherently they belong in a hospital, not on a message board. And if they are unable to write coherently when they AREN'T so upset then they belong back in school.

The disintegration of the English language into a rambling collection of acronyms and chopped up sentences is one of, if not the BIGGEST of, my pet peeves.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Hope1964 said:


> I disagree. If people really want help on here, we have to be able to figure out what they're saying. I can overlook the odd textspeak abbreviation or spelling error, I can usually follow a run on sentence, I can even usuaally read a wall of text and follow it. But this was totally ridiculous. I've been here a while and I think it's the most disorganized post I have ever seen. If someone was truly in so much distress that they couldn't write coherently they belong in a hospital, not on a message board. And if they are unable to write coherently when they AREN'T so upset then they belong back in school.
> 
> 
> 
> The disintegration of the English language into a rambling collection of acronyms and chopped up sentences is one of, if not the BIGGEST of, my pet peeves.




You made me laugh. When I was responding to SSGI, I was thinking that it was a post that Hope would make.


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## 267218 (Nov 22, 2016)

Yeah so can anybody direct to a helpful site with people who don't judge you based off writing skills ' just try to make you feel bad because they're old a miserable and know everything there is to know about being cheated on LOL.. if you read the whole original post then don't continue to read it how about that but your so bored and infatuated with wanted to tell somebody else about their life you couldn't stop reading huh ? & to whoever made the comment about the car wreck.. isn't that why the site was created to figure out how people deal with this & that why they have domestic violence groups and depression groups to see where people in your like situation handle their "car wreck" But anyway.. and people wonder why newbies never return to this judgemental site after one or two times of posting.. Out of here & thanks .. I learned that misery loves company and that's why I will keep my business to myself.. last post will not respond to any others or return to this site.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

You came here hostile.... You asked for help, but you didn't like the help. 

I did direct you to a site that Might be helpful SI SurvivingInfidelity, but if you talk to people like you have here, the ban hammer will drop very quickly. 

This place is actually more forgiving of emotional triggering. 
............


Your still welcome here. 

I did have difficulty reading your post, but i don't think i had the issues others had. i HAVE LOADS of errors in my posts. 
I'm not a grammar nazi, but I am a manners nazi. 

Please know, i only ever wanted to help you see your situation better.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

And Newbie's actually come back very frequently 6 months to 1 year later.....(saying we were right) and we welcome them back with loving arms, because so so so many of us wanted to have hope and trust, and block out what the advice was. (Myself included at times.) Many of us here were a lot like you...


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Tryingtomakeit5344 said:


> Yeah so can anybody direct to a helpful site with people who don't judge you based off writing skills ' just try to make you feel bad because they're old a miserable and know everything there is to know about being cheated on LOL.. if you read the whole original post then don't continue to read it how about that but your so bored and infatuated with wanted to tell somebody else about their life you couldn't stop reading huh ? & to whoever made the comment about the car wreck.. isn't that why the site was created to figure out how people deal with this & that why they have domestic violence groups and depression groups to see where people in your like situation handle their "car wreck" But anyway.. and people wonder why newbies never return to this judgemental site after one or two times of posting.. Out of here & thanks .. I learned that misery loves company and that's why I will keep my business to myself.. last post will not respond to any others or return to this site.



@Hope1964


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Attacking a new poster over spelling and grammar can be considered a personal attack and violation of Forum Rule #1. 

If it is your personal peeve, deal with it offline. That kind of attack has no place here.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I assume you're accusing me of attacking the OP.



Hope1964 said:


> First of all, you're in the military?? I find it hard to believe that someone in the military has such poor writing skills. I can't even make it through your original post because it's just a wall of text with no organization. It reads like something a two year old would write, if they could write.
> 
> I also find it hard to believe that someone with military training is so unable to actually hear what people are saying. Your husband cheated on you. Everything else is extraneous. Cheaters all act the same in ways most people can't even imagine.
> 
> ...





Hope1964 said:


> I disagree. If people really want help on here, we have to be able to figure out what they're saying. I can overlook the odd textspeak abbreviation or spelling error, I can usually follow a run on sentence, I can even usuaally read a wall of text and follow it. But this was totally ridiculous. I've been here a while and I think it's the most disorganized post I have ever seen. If someone was truly in so much distress that they couldn't write coherently they belong in a hospital, not on a message board. And if they are unable to write coherently when they AREN'T so upset then they belong back in school.
> 
> The disintegration of the English language into a rambling collection of acronyms and chopped up sentences is one of, if not the BIGGEST of, my pet peeves.


Who attacked? I made observations and expressed my personal opinion. I wouldn't even have bothered if it wasn't a slow day at work. And yes I judge people based on their writing. What else do we have to go by on here? Someone may be the sweetest individual alive, but that sure doesn't come across if they write like an illiterate homeless person.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Tryingtomakeit5344 said:


> Yeah so can anybody direct to a helpful site with people who don't judge you based off writing skills '* just try to make you feel bad because they're old a miserable and know everything there is to know about being cheated on LOL..* if you read the whole original post then don't continue to read it how about that but your so bored and infatuated with wanted to tell somebody else about their life you couldn't stop reading huh ? & to whoever made the comment about the car wreck.. isn't that why the site was created to figure out how people deal with this & that why they have domestic violence groups and depression groups to see where people in your like situation handle their "car wreck" But anyway.. and people wonder why newbies never return to this judgemental site after one or two times of posting.. Out of here & thanks .. I learned that misery loves company and that's why I will keep my business to myself.. *last post will not respond to any others or return to this site*.


Well, another one bites the dust...sigh

And for what it's worth, your anger is misdirected. It should be thrown at your cheating husband and not some "old" strangers you asked for advice online. 

You are too young to be so angry. Calm down woman, you are going to give yourself a heart attack before the real issues at midlife hit your door and you have children that will need you.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> Attacking a new poster over spelling and grammar can be considered a personal attack and violation of Forum Rule #1.
> 
> If it is your personal peeve, deal with it offline. That kind of attack has no place here.



LOL Blue! People here were not being rude, it was just an observation and the OP was new. She got a bit better on her last poster. So apparently she does know how to communicate in written form, but chose not to on her initial post. 


Apparently this poster is "young" as she insulted most of us by calling us old. She thought she was texting her "homie" friends. I guess the "young" think everyone enjoys reading terrible grammar like they do; they have to cut corners by texting short phrases because if they get caught with their phones during class they will get suspended.>


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Im not even 30! 

I hope to GOD that is not old. 

I did not even catch that jibe. Haha.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

threelittlestars said:


> Im not even 30!
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Didn't they used to say Never trust anyone over 30?


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Bibi1031 said:


> LOL Blue! People here were not being rude, it was just an observation


I disagree. I totally get why the poster left the forum and posted about how unhappy they were with the comments. 



She'sStillGotIt said:


> Sorry, I could only make it about 1/3 through that posting of War and Peace due to the bad grammar, horrific spelling, lack of punctuation and no paragraphs.


There's a big difference between saying that, and this:

_Responding posters have an easier time of it if you use paragraphs and pay more attention to spelling and grammar. _

I'm surprised I even need to point this out.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

browser said:


> I disagree. I totally get why the poster left the forum and posted about how unhappy they were with the comments.



I guess we agree to disagree! :grin2:


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I hope the poster comes back. Useful info to be had here. Including how people perceive a person based on how they speak and write.

To the original reason for posting, depression isn't an excuse. It's just not. Depression can make you feel wretched, but it can't take away your knowledge of right and wrong. Blaming cheating on depression is basically saying "The Devil made me do it." Sorry.

Not "random $.02". I am a depressive who was once a serial cheater and my exH was also a depressive who was and still is a serial cheater. The difference is he's cheating on his new wife now. BTDT.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Bibi1031 said:


> I guess we agree to disagree! :grin2:


 @Bibi1031 your grammar is way off there. A word is missing between "we" and "agree". You could have used "must" or "have to" or "will" but without one of those words or word groups it's not a complete sentence and the use of an exclamation point is excessive it indicates surprise or excitement where none is warranted. 

It's better for posters who come along later for us to do our best to communicate accurately and with good form and usage of our native language.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> I hope the poster comes back. Useful info to be had here. Including how people perceive a person based on how they speak and write.
> 
> To the original reason for posting, depression isn't an excuse. It's just not. Depression can make you feel wretched, but it can't take away your knowledge of right and wrong. Blaming cheating on depression is basically saying "The Devil made me do it." Sorry.
> 
> Not "random $.02". I am a depressive who was once a serial cheater and my exH was also a depressive who was and still is a serial cheater. The difference is he's cheating on his new wife now. BTDT.




Including how some people feel about the homeless, or those who though family circumstances were not able to finish high school. 

Maybe we should put how many college degrees we have in our profile.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> Including how some people feel about the homeless, or those who though family circumstances were not able to finish high school.
> 
> Maybe we should put how many college degrees we have in our profile.


It may not be nice, but the truth is how we perceive people is greatly based on how they present themselves. I have a GED. I left school first semester of 10th grade due to life circumstances. I still managed to do enough reading, writing, and research to be able to express myself decently. We live in an age of free online classes and the sum of human knowledge is available on a device that fits in our pockets. There's no excuse.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

A degree is no measure of intelligence. I hope you are not serious.  i personally did not think she was unintelligent. I only perceived her as Hurt and angry. Not stupid.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

threelittlestars said:


> A degree is no measure of intelligence.




Especially an engineering degree. ;-)


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

browser said:


> @Bibi1031 your grammar is way off there. A word is missing between "we" and "agree". *You could have used "must" or "have to" or "will" but without one of those words or word groups it's not a complete sentence and the use of an exclamation point is excessive it indicates surprise or excitement where none is warranted. *
> 
> It's better for posters who come along later for us to do our best to communicate accurately and with good form and usage of our native language.


Well, if we are discussing my mistakes, let's take a look at yours: You may want to "fix" the bold mess you created as well. No commas (and you have a series there), no periods, or at least semi colons to break that mess into well written/typed complete sentences. You have more than one sentence in all that mess. Did they not teach you about run on sentences and sentence fragments?

And for the record, my native language is Spanish. I'm from Mexico. :grin2:






*I guess we agree to disagree!*


You stated: "A word is missing between "we" and "agree". *You could have used "must" or "have to" or "will" but without one of those words or word groups it's not a complete sentence" 

:nono: That is not accurate. I do have a complete sentence; I have a subject, verb, and a complete thought.*


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

It is interesting that those who attacked the OP over her spelling and grammar are all women.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

At times like this, being tough on a person's Grammer can wait. Just recommend they break things up into paragraphs to make it easier to read.

Sucks that she deleted her original post... Why cant people just make a last post "bye bye" rather than delete? 
She may find herself back her. Also seems like some people demand the answers they want to hear immediately. Oh well.

Hopefully she'll get things figured out and gets she needs and wants.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

TaDor said:


> At times like this, being tough on a person's Grammer can wait. Just recommend they break things up into paragraphs to make it easier to read.
> 
> Sucks that she deleted her original post... Why cant people just make a last post "bye bye" rather than delete?
> She may find herself back her. Also seems like some people demand the answers they want to hear immediately. Oh well.
> ...



I agree. Spelling and grammar is not of the utmost importance. Can it be readable is the only requirement. And to be honest, I UNDERSTOOD her post. Sure it was not easy, but I'm sure it was NOT easy for her to post her story. 

Many come here with english not being their native language, and sometimes they don't mention that they are French or Korean etc... 

Where she went wrong in my book was the attitude and wanting specific advice to the point of rudeness. And I think I'm not the only one that picked up on it. And from there people found OTHER things to point out because their perception of her was already kinda negative. 

I hope She will be fine. We have all been in her shoes someway, and we all manage somehow. 

Infidelity I once thought ruined me. (Ruined my relationship) But I am a smarter and better person for having gone through it. Not saying Im happy that I was cheated on.... But that in the end I have grown. She will too.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

threelittlestars said:


> Where she went wrong in my book was the attitude and wanting specific advice to the point of rudeness. And I think I'm not the only one that picked up on it. And from there people found OTHER things to point out because their perception of her was already kinda negative.


EXACTLY. I wouldn't have said anything if she hadn't b1tched us all out first. If I can't understand you, or don't have the time it would take to do so, I move on, unless you're just asking for it.

This person would have taken her ball and left no matter what we posted, because what we post here is the truth and she wasn't ready to hear it.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

threelittlestars said:


> Many come here with english not being their native language, and sometimes they don't mention that they are French or Korean etc...
> 
> *Where she went wrong in my book was the attitude and wanting specific advice to the point of rudeness. And I think I'm not the only one that picked up on it. And from there people found OTHER things to point out because their perception of her was already kinda negative.
> *


:iagree:

@Hope1964 quote: *This person would have taken her ball and left no matter what we posted, because what we post here is the truth and she wasn't ready to hear it.*

Absolutely! After being here for a little over a year and on other similar forums for over 15 years, it is very easy to tell which newbies will run off with their ball all offended because in reality they cannot handle the ugly truth about infidelity. No amount of kid gloves is going to change that. When someone is NOT ready for the truth, only time will do its thing.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> EXACTLY. I wouldn't have said anything if she hadn't b1tched us all out first.
> 
> This person would have taken her ball and left no matter what we posted, because what we post here is the truth and she wasn't ready to hear it.


No, what is posted here is not necessarily the truth, in fact you can read all sorts of contradictory advice from various posters on almost every single thread on this forum. All of those opposing posts cannot possibly be correct.

As far as "you not saying anything if she hadn't b*tched us all out first", I'd like to suggest that sort of response is immature and childish at worst, and completely over the top unsupportive at best.

People post here because they are in crisis, they don't need people piling on and corrected their grammer and giving them harsh replies. I doubt this poster would have left if she hadn't felt attacked and insulted.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Hope1964 said:


> EXACTLY. I wouldn't have said anything if she hadn't b1tched us all out first. If I can't understand you, or don't have the time it would take to do so, I move on, unless you're just asking for it.
> 
> 
> 
> This person would have taken her ball and left no matter what we posted, because what we post here is the truth and she wasn't ready to hear it.



Yes, she was just asking for it. It's called HELP. She came to a help site for help. Told her story. It's a good thing you were here instead of, by your own words, doing work for your employer that you were able to tell her off. 

Did she ask to be cheated on too?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Go ahead and twist what I'm saying to your own agenda, but please stop following me around the board and posting digs everywhere ok? If you don't like what I've posted please report me. I"m not going to argue with you guys any more.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> Go ahead and twist what I'm saying to your own agenda, but please stop following me around the board and posting digs everywhere ok? If you don't like what I've posted please report me. I"m not going to argue with you guys any more.


You're starting to sound exactly like the poster that was ran off of here because she felt she was being attacked.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*MODERATOR NOTE*:

As the original poster took her ball and ran away with it, this thread is now being closed.

And let's keep our advice and our interactions with other members more friendly, please?


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