# Question on My wife and her frequent bladder discomfort



## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

My wife is 43 and has fairly frequent bladder infections/discomfort. These issues generally arise every few months and sometimes last a few days and sometimes longer. The frequency of occurrence varies as well. 

My question is this. She is a fairly regular masturbator. Probably in the once or maybe twice a week range. This in and of itself is not as issue as she knows I support her masturbating if she feels the urge or need to do so. 

However my concern is that she very rarely cleans her two primary toys (magic wand massager and glass dildo) after use. I know that unclean toys can lead to yeast infections and maybe other infections that I’m not aware of. My question is that could her using unsanitary sex toys also lead to bladder infections? Or are the internal parts far enough apart that that wouldn’t be connected as a causal factor for bladder issues? (Sorry if I’m way off base here and my knowledge of female anatomy and issues makes this dumb question)


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Aside from just being gross, yes, dirty sex toys can spread around germs that can lead to UTIs. 

If she's prone to UTIs, she should empty her bladder before sex and again right after sex. She should also be using clean toys and you should be freshly washed before sex as well. Natural fiber underwear, meaning cotton or silk, only. She should stay away from thong underwear. No scented body washes or scented soaps, and no lotions or powders or body sprays, anywhere near her lady bits. Switching to unscented, dye-free laundry products might also help. She should also drink plenty of water throughout the day so that she's emptying her bladder often and her urine is a nice pale yellow, rather than dark or cloudy. A daily cranberry supplement may help if she'd like to try it.

What does her doctor say about the frequent infections?


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## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

Her doctor has generally chalked up her UTIs to diet. Spicy or tomato based foods tend to irritate her. She does have a prescription for something that supposedly helps her. I’m not sure what it is though. 

She already does a lot of the things that you mentioned. She drinks tons of water daily, no sprays or scented soaps etc. She always goes to the bathroom after sex. Me washing myself prior to sex is something I haven’t done. 

I’ll have to ask her when she gets home but I’d be surprised if the topic of masturbation came up during her appointments with her urologist. 

Like I said I don’t know if there is any connection at all between unsanitary toys and UTIs. But if it is even possible I certainly want to know. TBH she just gets lazy when it comes to cleaning her toys after use. She pretty much always uses them on any given weeknight (or weeknights) while already in bed before going to sleep. So after use she just drops them in her nightstand and falls right asleep. I suppose I could just clean them for her but I don’t want it to seem like I’m checking up on her solo activities too much.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

You can buy disinfectant spray to clean toys easily. She NEEDS to do this. Frequent UTI's can lead to other kidney problems.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Plus it's just gross to not wash them after each use!


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Livvie said:


> Plus it's just gross to not wash them after each use!




Even if it’s the next morning 


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea, dirty toys could be a contributor.

There are things she can do to discourage a UTI. One if to drink cranberry juice and/or eat things with cranberries in them. They contain something that prevents bacteria from attaching to the walls of the bladder. There are other things. I'm sure that a google search on the topic will bring up some others.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

RevsDad said:


> My wife is 43 and has fairly frequent bladder infections/discomfort. These issues generally arise every few months and sometimes last a few days and sometimes longer. The frequency of occurrence varies as well.
> 
> My question is this. She is a fairly regular masturbator. Probably in the once or maybe twice a week range. This in and of itself is not as issue as she knows I support her masturbating if she feels the urge or need to do so.
> 
> However my concern is that she very rarely cleans her two primary toys (magic wand massager and glass dildo) after use. I know that unclean toys can lead to yeast infections and maybe other infections that I’m not aware of. My question is that could her using unsanitary sex toys also lead to bladder infections? Or are the internal parts far enough apart that that wouldn’t be connected as a causal factor for bladder issues? (Sorry if I’m way off base here and my knowledge of female anatomy and issues makes this dumb question)




When you say you support her...do you mean figuratively or literally?
If she has your...’support’, why does she still need to use sex toys?
What wrong with a real tongue or ****, pardon my Dutch. It’s also self cleansing (the tongue at least).


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## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> RevsDad said:
> 
> 
> > My wife is 43 and has fairly frequent bladder infections/discomfort. These issues generally arise every few months and sometimes last a few days and sometimes longer. The frequency of occurrence varies as well.
> ...


Masturbation is a normal healthy practice whether single or in a committed relationship. I support the fact that she chooses to masturbate if she wants. It doesn’t bother me at all. It doesn’t affect our sex life (which is quite good and active) at all.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I would wash them for her.

I would wash them every day. 

If I were you, I would wash myself before sex.

Keeping her healthy is a man's responsibility.

Her lady parts are yours' too.
Treat them that way.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

In your shower or tub.....

Get one of those spray heads with a flexible hose.

Before and after sex wash her and you down with just warm water.
Dry off with a very clean cotton towel.

Dab the towel over her tush, do not press it in.

Make this a regular ritual for yourselves.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

RevsDad said:


> Masturbation is a normal healthy practice whether single or in a committed relationship. I support the fact that she chooses to masturbate if she wants. It doesn’t bother me at all. It doesn’t affect our sex life (which is quite good and active) at all.




That’s interesting. I have heard women do this (masturbate, without it having an at impact on the sex life).
To me, this is a little strange because I frankly don’t remember the last time I masturbated: there was no need because we have sex every day or close to every day. I can produce only so many happy soldiers.

Does it mean that she could potentially masturbate AND be having sex with you that same evening, or is she satisfied afterwards and less likely to have sex with you?

How often do you guys have sex?


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Deep Cotton wool in White Spirits or alcohol and wipe toys with wet cotton wool. 

Wait a little then wipe toy with damp clean cloth or wash then wipe.

Appreciate one might be zonked out after a good O, but at least wash before next use.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> I would wash them for her.
> 
> I would wash them every day.
> 
> ...


Uh ....no? I think a grown woman should be responsible for washing the sex toys she uses for her solo masturbation.

Honestly, having to have your husband wash your solo sex toys for you seems a little like needing a man to wipe your butt for you.

Sorry SCM I just don't agree.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

RevsDad said:


> My wife is 43 and has fairly frequent bladder infections/discomfort. These issues generally arise every few months and sometimes last a few days and sometimes longer. The frequency of occurrence varies as well.
> 
> My question is this. She is a fairly regular masturbator. Probably in the once or maybe twice a week range. This in and of itself is not as issue as she knows I support her masturbating if she feels the urge or need to do so.
> 
> However my concern is that she very rarely cleans her two primary toys (magic wand massager and glass dildo) after use. I know that unclean toys can lead to yeast infections and maybe other infections that I’m not aware of. My question is that could her using unsanitary sex toys also lead to bladder infections? Or are the internal parts far enough apart that that wouldn’t be connected as a causal factor for bladder issues? (Sorry if I’m way off base here and my knowledge of female anatomy and issues makes this dumb question)


Absolutely, unhygienic practices will cause these problems. Even unclean penises can do the same thing, as the germs interfere with the delicate balance of the bacterial flora in the vagina. The vaginal bacterial flora fights against yeast etc but can be disturbed due to unhygienic practices, use of uncleaned sex toys and dirty penises. I kid you not, so yes your wife's hygiene practices are the problem .......:surprise:


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

OP you need to clean yourself too.


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> That’s interesting. I have heard women do this (masturbate, without it having an at impact on the sex life).
> To me, this is a little strange because I frankly don’t remember the last time I masturbated: there was no need because we have sex every day or close to every day. I can produce only so many happy soldiers.
> 
> Does it mean that she could potentially masturbate AND be having sex with you that same evening, or is she satisfied afterwards and less likely to have sex with you?
> ...


To add another woman's perspective, I will contribute to this.

Masturbation is not usually an indication of something lacking in the sex department of a couple in a healthy relationship. Even when I was having sex daily, or more, I enjoyed masturbating. It is great for a quick adrenaline boost, or stress relief, or just for fun. I masturbated to turn myself on for the nights I wanted to get a little freaky with my husband, as a warm up. Some days I masturbated before sex, during sex, and after sex. Why? Because it felt amazing! My husband encourages it, because he enjoyed watching while I masturbated, and I enjoyed putting on a show for him.There are lots of reasons for self pleasure. The main one being that it feels good. >

The only menth that I have dated who had an issue with my masturbating, took it as a threat to their manhood. Masturbation is personal, and unless in interferes in a couple's sex life, I see nothing wrong with indulging is self pleasure; male or female. I am not saying all people who dislike their partner masturbating are insecure, because many frown on it for personal, religious, or cultural beliefs. To each their own.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

RevsDad said:


> Her doctor has generally chalked up her UTIs to diet. Spicy or tomato based foods tend to irritate her. She does have a prescription for something that supposedly helps her. I’m not sure what it is though.


Are her UTIs confirmed by culture tests or is this what you (and she) think they are based on symptoms? 

Based on your comment above about cutting out spicy and acidic food from her diet, it sounds like her doctor thinks she has Interstitial Cystitis. Onset is typically early 40s. I.C. shows symptoms of a UTI but without the bacterial infection. 

The cause is unknown but they think it's related to diet. Acidic foods and preservatives are thought to thin the lining of the bladder walls. Drs. will prescribe Elmiron to help sooth the symptoms but there is no cure.


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## brettyboo (May 5, 2018)

Soooo ... not to cause concern, but simply for completeness ... UTI's can be caused by a new sex partner ...

Certainly hope that's not at all part of this story.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

The easy answer is you clean them for her and see if the problem goes away ...... and then you have the answer.
What's a little work for her health..even if she doesn't want to do it. Besides it has a small kink factor for fun.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Clean them and put on the wall in a mini wall rack, close at hand by her nightstand. (Like a miniature gun-rack). Door optional. 

PS sorry this comment isn't too helpful! 
The funny thought just hit me, then I thought, you'll know when one's been used, needs cleaning if was taken down from a rack and not put back. (I started thinking of logistics, how would you know one's been used, so no unnecessary washing).

Side comment, I'm another voice that if a W or GF masturbates regularly it certainly wouldn't be out of the range of what I consider normal or what's a good thing. Kind of a non issue. 

Sorry for humor (or at least attempted humor!l

😉😉😉


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

There's a whole protocol for the frequent UTI situation. For starters, she needs to go to a specialist (urogynocologist) to get completely checked out and completely clear up any infections that exist - and stop having sex until she is completely well. 

Though it is extremely rare for a man to get a UTI, you should get checked out and cleared up as well. One thing guys can get is yeast infections, probably more familiar as "jock itch".

From there, a cleanliness regiment is a must - and I'm talking soap and water showered, not antibiotic wipes or anything. Just a regiment where there is a shower before and after sex. She should pee after sex also.

Sex toys should be disinfected properly every single time they are used - and any toys that are cracked or worn should be thrown out. There is specific toy disinfectant for these usages. NEVER, NEVER should a toy be placed in the anus and then the vagina. There can be anal toys or vaginal toys but no toy should be used in both places. Frankly, I don't like toys for the potential problems of getting UTIs since I'm susceptible to UTIs. 

UTIs are GENERALLY from transferring fecal bacteria to vaginal areas, which (bacteria) crawls up the urethral tube. It can also be from irritating the opening from vigorous sex (especially dry sex) and not flushing out the urethra after sex (peeing). Mostly, though, mixing anal material with vaginal is a recipe for infection. It's so much so that if my husband's penis accidentally touches my anal opening at all, I will stop sex and we take a shower. I don't bother him about keeping track of that - but it's in my own awareness.

Lastly, regularly drink D-Mannose powder. This prevents the bacteria from clinging to the walls of the bladder so it sloughs off. I would post a link but I don't want to get into a situation where it appears I'm promoting a product - I'm not trying to do that. There are many brands. I happen to use PURE brand.

Another odd factor in this is that dry vagina can be a factor here. A bit of estrogen cream regimen for women in dry vagina situations is also a prevention of chronic UTIs. I assure you that I did not know this before a urogynocologist explained it to me. 

My husband and I never have sex without a shower before. There must be a shower afterwards. We just have personal habits of cleanliness that are a part of our sexual health. I don't recommend going overboard with, for instance, douches or disinfectant wipes (these can actually cause irritation) - but good ol' soap and water and clean clothing will keep a lot of problems away. 

Again, first things first - getting to a specialist to lay out the science of the health issues is the first step.


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## banshee42475 (Nov 6, 2014)

I had frequent UTI's and couldn't figure out what was causing them for years. Tried emptying bladder after sex, always bathing before sex and after, no thong underwear, I tried everything then I decided to stop using tampons and try menstrual cups. I realized after I switched to menstrual cups the culprit was the tampons. Haven't had a UTI in over a year.


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