# Do I ask husband to end friendships if they are friends of suspected OW?



## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

I say suspected because I never found any concrete evidence. However, I do think he was sliding down a slippery rope.

My husband is friends with a couple who are close friends with the suspected OW. Am I being unreasonable if I ask him to end his friendship with this couple? I'm just concerned she might show up at an event that he or both of us are invited to.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You can ask, but he may not want to whether or not he was on that slippery slope. To agree is basically to acknowledge that there is/was something to your suspicions. Or, he could agree to show that there was nothing to be concerned about nor will there be, true or not.

Anyway, you can ask, but you can't assume anything about the past regardless of his response. If he/you have plenty of other friends, losing one set may not be a big deal, but if he has few friends and these are close, then he may not want to lose them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you think that he might be involved with her now?


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## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Do you think that he might be involved with her now?


No, unless he has taken it underground. I have access to everything now and haven't found anything suspicious.

We talked about the friendship with the couple today and he told me he feels that he has to watch who he associates with in case they associate with her. He said it is what it is now, and that he'll have to get rid of certain friendships. He also acknowledged that he's responsible for my lack of trust and anger.

He enjoys hanging out with the husband but has commented the wife is low class and acts inappropriate when she's drinking. He didn't even want to invite this couple to his birthday party (this past Saturday) so I wouldn't consider them his close friends.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hm, is the OW a friend of the wife's. Is that the connection?


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## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Hm, is the OW a friend of the wife's. Is that the connection?


Yes, she is. They are very close friends.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

funnybunny29 said:


> Yes, she is. They are very close friends.


This would make me suspicious. My guess is that your husband does not want you around the friend's wife because she know stuff that he does not want you to know.

Did the friend's wife knows about the affair while it was on going.


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## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> This would make me suspicious. My guess is that your husband does not want you around the friend's wife because she know stuff that he does not want you to know.
> 
> Did the friend's wife know about the affair while it was on going.


I never confirmed if it was an affair or not. 

I know they have all hung out without me present.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> *This would make me suspicious. My guess is that your husband does not want you around the friend's wife because she know stuff that he does not want you to know.*


Yup... big red flag.


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## Just Joe (May 26, 2014)

funnybunny29 said:


> No, unless he has taken it underground. I have access to everything now and haven't found anything suspicious.
> 
> We talked about the friendship with the couple today and he told me he feels that he has to watch who he associates with in case they associate with her. He said it is what it is now, and that he'll have to get rid of certain friendships. He also acknowledged that he's responsible for my lack of trust and anger.
> 
> He enjoys hanging out with the husband but *has commented the wife is low class and acts inappropriate when she's drinking. He didn't even want to invite this couple to his birthday party* (this past Saturday) so I wouldn't consider them his close friends.


Could it be that he's laying the groundwork for you not to believe her if she does let something slip if you happen to be around her in the future? Is he discrediting her in advance, just in case?


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## Just Joe (May 26, 2014)

funnybunny29 said:


> I never confirmed if it was an affair or not.
> 
> *I know they have all hung out without me present.*


She's low class and inappropriate, but that was OK with him before? What has changed that now he no longer wants to hang with her, in fact, actually wants to avoid her?


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## Just Joe (May 26, 2014)

funnybunny29 said:


> No, unless he has taken it underground. *I have access to everything now* and haven't found anything suspicious.


I wish I would have known how to have access to everything. I couldn't be with my wife 24/7, so I must assume she could have bought a burner phone, could have used a friend's phone, could have used work phones, any number of things I would have no way of knowing about. How do you know you have access to everything?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

funnybunny29 said:


> I say suspected because I never found any concrete evidence. However, I do think he was sliding down a slippery rope.
> 
> My husband is friends with a couple who are close friends with the suspected OW. Am I being unreasonable if I ask him to end his friendship with this couple? I'm just concerned she might show up at an event that he or both of us are invited to.


You have every right to ask him to end any friendship/relationship that you are not comfortable with. Period.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

funnybunny29 said:


> Yes, she is. They are very close friends.


Sounds both dangerous and convenient. 

It doesn't pass the sniff test. I think he needs different friends.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

It sounds like your husband has recognized he needs to stay away from them all. That would be for the best. Whatever happened, that couple had no trouble putting them together without you in the picture. Neither of you need a couple like that in your lives.


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## sammy7111 (Apr 19, 2014)

your husband should honor your wish if you don't feel that he should hang with them then he should. but you have to remember that works both ways.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

funnybunny29 said:


> He enjoys hanging out with the husband but has commented the wife is low class and acts inappropriate when she's drinking. He didn't even want to invite this couple to his birthday party (this past Saturday) so I wouldn't consider them his close friends.


Don't fall for that. Both my exH and my fiance also said disparaging things about the woman in question in each case. But that didn't stop either from being affection and generous in ways inappropriate to being just friends and having an exclusive partner.

Is your husband away for long periods that he can't account for? Does he go out without and stay out late? Do you see chunks of money missing from your bank account of mysterious purchases on the credit cards?

I would insist that you two go out with this couple together. And after that, I would try to find some hard evidence. Otherwise, your husband will stonewall with the "we're just friends" routine. The other possibility is to hire a PI.


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