# Doubts



## LKJ (Jan 11, 2011)

I'm new to this...so I'm just gonna say it. I am having doubts about my relationship.

Now for some background, We met in college. We have been together for about 4.5 years and engaged for a little over one of those years. We are both young(ish)..still in college and live together. He was my first actual bf and I his first gf. 

I love him. Its just sometimes I feel like I am his mother. I have to remind him to do things, like take the trash out, do the dishes, sign up for classes, pay bills, do laundry, etc. And he doesn't cook. My schedule/course load is very demanding. I am in class almost all day (9-5), then I have to come home to finish homework/study. His schedule, on the other hand, is not. About 4 hours per day he is in class and/or work. I've tried talking to him about this and it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I told him I'd help him by writing to do lists. Nothing too hard, just things he needs to do before deadlines, like write a check for a bill, or email a person before a deadline. Things that should be priorities. I even told him if he would just write the check, I would take care of putting a stamp on it and mailing it. Still nothing. 

Since we live together now, I believe this is how it will be when we get married. I don't want to have to cook, clean, and remind him about everything, especially since I am gone most of the day, while he has most of the day off (which he spends doing nothing or hanging out with friends). I think that the house work should be shared.

How can I help him to prioritize and help around the house more? 

He also is somewhat controlling. He hates my bestfriend and says she is a bad influence on me. She has been my bestfriend since middle school and has helped me through everything. Everytime I go to see her (he is invited too), he makes a big deal about it. He is very against drinking alcohol, while I have to problem with having a drink every so often. It just seems like we are two different people with different priorities going in different directions with life. I love him, but something has to change. 

Sorry for the length. Any advice is welcomed. Thanks.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

LKJ said:


> I have to remind him to do things, like take the trash out, do the dishes, sign up for classes, pay bills, do laundry, etc. And he doesn't cook.
> 
> I told him I'd help him by writing to do lists. Nothing too hard, just things he needs to do before deadlines, like write a check for a bill, or email a person before a deadline. Things that should be priorities. I even told him if he would just write the check, I would take care of putting a stamp on it and mailing it. Still nothing.


You have to stop being his mom. Instead of trying to make him do what you want, take a step back and let him be who he is. No reminders, no lists, no prioritizing for him. Let him be himself. Then decide if you like who he is and if he's a person you want to spend the rest of your life with.


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