# Banning Grey Areas?



## FirstYearDown

I have read the forum rules and I am still not clear on some things.

I am concerned that my questions may be viewed as "inciting". I can assure the moderators that these are things I am honestly confused about. 

There are a few people that have been banned for simply challenging a moderator's actions. I am confused as why this is considered a reason to kick someone out of the forum??

What is so wrong with asking why something was deleted or standing up for oneself if that person feels that the moderator was wrong? :scratchhead: I just don't get it.

I have also noticed that _some _members can get away with saying some very nasty and hurtful things, while others cannot. Is it based on how much the moderators like certain members? 

Thankfully, I have never been banned.  I try to be as nice as possible as long as people are kind to me and other members I care about. My pet peeve is _those who think that everyone lives just like them_, when everyone has their own unique challenges and circumstances. 

For example...if someone posts about their fat spouse, I would NEVER be presumptious enough to immediately say that the spouse is just lazy. I am smart enough to know that there are medical issues or medication that can cause weight gain; there are also mobility issues that impede exercise. 

If a member posts about commuting issues, it would be very silly of me to respond with "Just take your car!" We may have a vehicle but that doesn't mean everyone else does.


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## Amplexor

FirstYearDown said:


> There are a few people that have been banned for simply challenging a moderator's actions. I am confused as why this is considered a reason to kick someone out of the forum??


Unfortunately the general forum, many times, does not see the infraction that gets some one banned. Insulting, racist, sexist, homophobic or just plan rude posts are deleted from sight of the members. Occasionally a post that is an infraction is left up to let the forum see why the ban took place. In some cases the mods are insulted or even threatened via PM. As a group we try to be as objective as possible but are not perfect. Like everyone we are sometimes grumpy or in less of a tolerant mood. That's just the way it is. General use of common sense in posting will keep members out of trouble.


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## FirstYearDown

How horrible that mods are actually threatened! That is sickening.

Now it makes sense...the offending posts are deleted.

Thanks for the answer.


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## Chris H.

The main thing that gets people banned is probably name-calling and personal attacks. We have zero tolerance for that because it destroys the supportive environment we try to keep here.

Rudeness is a huge grey area. Like Amp said, none of us are perfect. I have had to apologize in the past, myself, for being too short, or rude with a member. We just need to deal with it on a case by case basis.

Sometimes we give people warnings and make a note on their account. If I go to give someone a warning, and see they have already been warned a few times in the past, I give them a short term ban instead. So that's an example of why something that seemed like a borderline post, might actually get someone banned.

Also, not all bans are permanent. Some are short (3-7 days), and some longer or permanent depending on the circumstances.


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## Almostrecovered

I better stop calling amp an old fart


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## Jellybeans

There are a few people on here right now that are off the hook/rude. And they have done personal attacks/stated them and continue to post. It's disconcerting.


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## Chris H.

If you see a personal attack, please report the post.

Admittedly, sometimes people report posts and we don't ban the person if we don't feel it was blatant enough. Sometimes, "calling someone out" on their inconsistencies can be seen as a personal attack, but I usually wait to see how it develops if the person had a good point. Personal attacks are really more about attacking someone's character rather than a disagreement or being argumentative.


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## PBear

Almostrecovered said:


> I better stop calling amp an old fart


Huh... I would have thought it was like slander, and truth would be your defense...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amplexor

Almostrecovered said:


> I better stop calling amp an old fart


Made another note on your account AR.


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## Almostrecovered

ooh ooh!! let me see the notes!! I demand transparency!!


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## Catherine602

Jellybeans said:


> There are a few people on here right now that are off the hook/rude. And they have done personal attacks/stated them and continue to post. It's disconcerting.


It seems that a great deal of latitude is given to people who are in pain and lash out and rightfully so. This is a place were they can express anger that has no other outlet. Sometimes they can get pretty bad but it is a reflection of their lives. 

I know who they are but I would hate to see them banned. It may help to ask the person what is going on with them to make them so rude. 

I have been banned more than once and had some post removed. It is a learning curve, how to express pain without blaming and hurting the innocent people around you. Banning and diappearing post makes you question the quality of communication in your personal life. No one can ban you or erase what you say but they react in ways that impact negatively on the relationship. 

I've learned so much here and I am greatful for that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered

I don't think JB is referring to the newly betrayed


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## that_girl

:rofl:

I love this thread.

Old fart. lol I bought my dad a mug that said that.


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## PBear

Honestly, I'm surprised I haven't been banned yet... Feeling a little ignored.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

PB, I see no reason you'd be banned. You always keep your emotions out of it and generally have great and respectful advice.



Catherine602 said:


> It seems that a great deal of latitude is given to people who are in pain and lash out and rightfully so.
> 
> I know who they are but I would hate to see them banned. It may help to ask the person what is going on with them to make them so rude.


I think that feeling hurt doesn't warrant people lashing out at others, especially when done on a personal level. It goes against forum rules & isn't helpful or supportive. 

It's disrespectful and unproductive.


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## that_girl

Yea, we're not children.

And this is a forum where you type and can REREAD what you post. it's not like words are spoken that can't be taken back...READ what you type before hit reply.


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## Almostrecovered

learn that the hard way TG?


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## Amplexor

Almostrecovered said:


> ooh ooh!! let me see the notes!! I demand transparency!!


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## Almostrecovered

reminds me of when Billy would go on an adventure


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## PBear

Jellybeans said:


> PB, I see no reason you'd be banned. You always keep your emotions out of it and generally have great and respectful advice.
> 
> 
> 
> I think that feeling hurt doesn't warrant people lashing out at others, especially when done on a personal level. It goes against forum rules & isn't helpful or supportive.
> 
> It's disrespectful and unproductive.


So do you and that_girl, and I think you've both been banned, no? But thank you. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

I have never been banned. ::Curtsies::

TG on the other hand... 

Kidding.


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## FirstYearDown

I've never been banned, nor have I received any warnings. If I wanted to discuss the moderators warning or banning, I would hope that sending a polite PM would not be perceived as being short or rude.

As for reporting, I try to keep that at a minimum unless the post was horribly insulting. It is always better to put down the behavior and not the person e.g "That was very stupid of you." vs "You are stupid."

I will say that I love this forum. I love the level of compassion that most of the members have and the diplomatic way we discuss things here. Loveshack could learn from us. :smthumbup:


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## Gratitude

You people are funny ... 

I'm glad I came across this as the posts in the General are full of ads for some reason so was just browsing ...

I agree - I mean I haven't been here as long as all of you obviously, but there are a few people who come across as rude. Someone can post a question - and yes, the answer may be obvious and you think 'really, are you serious?" but unfortunately they are, and are wanting advice. Not a sarcastic comment or rude jibe to try and be funny and look good to everyone else.

It's supposed to be a forum about giving advice, not talking people down or trying to score points ....

Just my 2cents anyway ...


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## FirstYearDown

I agree wholeheartedly.

We are all imperfect human beings, with our own unique flaws. 

The world would be a better place if people just remembered common courtesy.

It is so easy to offend someone when we cannot hear or see each other.

When I have inadvertently stepped on someone's toes here, I try to diffuse the situation with humor. Unfortunately, some of us don't feel vindicated unless we continue long forgotten arguments. 

In real life, I notice that more women are like that. On TAM, it is mostly men that like to b!tch and moan even after the argument is closed.


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## Gratitude

I don't know if anyone's going to come across this post or if they know, I'm sure it's probably in the guidelines but I've been wondering what the rules are if somebody is banned, can you talk about them? Can you mention their name? Can you talk about why they were banned? Anything?

Or just no mention of them is allowed once they've been removed?


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## Deejo

Would suggest sending a PM to a Moderator.

One of the core issues in wondering 'what happened?' when someone gets banned, is that the 'what happened' has often been removed.


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## that_girl

I have been banned! :yay: Only because I fought with some cow. LOL I don't regret it. She was a betch.


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## Gratitude

that_girl said:


> I have been banned! :yay: Only because I fought with some cow. LOL I don't regret it. She was a betch.


Ohhh, so you're THAT girl :rofl: Lol


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## FirstYearDown

Gratitude, as far as I know, we are not permitted to discuss a banned member in the forum.


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## Amplexor

FirstYearDown said:


> Gratitude, as far as I know, we are not permitted to discuss a banned member in the forum.


As Deej said, most of the time the banning offense is removed from the board. I personally have no problem with members asking why a member was banned. I am not aware of a forum type titled "Those who's name shall not be uttered" However, gloating or bad mouthing a banned member should not be encouraged although I seriously doubt I am a virgin in that area. There have been some threads left open where a discussion of a banned troll has been the focal point. It's generally a judgment call.


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## Almostrecovered

I picture the mods using their 12 sided from AD&D to make decisions


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## Havesomethingtosay

I am never sure about what causes a post to be removed or a poster to be banned. 

I have noted many of late that have been banned and then returned and continued on their merry way to the point of thumbing their noses to people on this site.

Are warnings given along with a detailed explanation as to he transgression? Is their dialogue back and forth to clarify positions. 

I was warned on another site, but when I asked questions they were ignored. There was no profanity or threat, it was nothing more then disagreeing on a topic and questioning the posters intentions and a warning was issued and no defense accepted. And anyone can report you.

There are 1-2 here hat have been banned, that may have deserved to be banned, but I do miss there contributions until they cross that invisible line.


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## Amplexor

Havesomethingtosay said:


> I am never sure about what causes a post to be removed or a poster to be banned. .


In general common courtesy and staying away from obvious offensive or abusive posts will carry you through fine. 




Havesomethingtosay said:


> I have noted many of late that have been banned and then returned and continued on their merry way to the point of thumbing their noses to people on this site..


If a member returns and continues to violate the rules report them. Just remember what you may find offensive may not be considered so by a Mod and visa versa



Havesomethingtosay said:


> Are warnings given along with a detailed explanation as to he transgression? .


Sometimes, not always. A member who has been here for some time may get a warning. Posters slinging crap out of the gate get nailed pretty quickly



Havesomethingtosay said:


> Is their dialogue back and forth to clarify positions.


Generally no.




Havesomethingtosay said:


> There are 1-2 here hat have been banned, that may have deserved to be banned, but I do miss there contributions until they cross that invisible line.


The line is not that gray. Longtime users who are banned generally have had several warnings or temporary bans. Also the offending posts are rarely left on the board so most posters don't ever see them.


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## YinPrincess

I've been banned on another site... A car site that I used to Mod for!!!

I was never given an explanation or even a warning, for that matter, but it happened when the site's owner underwent triple bypass surgery and appointed some other guy to take over. And that guy just never liked me. In fact, he went on to ban so many other long term members, (and I mean, people who contributed and conversed for YEARS), that the site no longer gets the traffic it once did. Most of the other members and I hang out on Facebook now.  

I hope that *if* I screw up here, I at least get a warning first. Sometimes I'm bubble-headed and don't realize something may be offensive. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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