# Lack of sex becoming a problem, seperate rooms



## Justin J (Oct 1, 2017)

So my wife and I have seen a counselor. We love each other but she has no desire for sex or affection. I'm completely opposite. She will have sex with me if I beg, but she never initiates or makes me feel like she wants it. I know she masterbates to porn a few times a month. I get insomnia because I can't get it out of my head because I feel like she doesn't want it. I will goes days even weeks on no sleep. I have decided we will have seperate rooms. No more sex at all because I want her to be happy. Tonight is the first night. She reluctantly agreed to it. But she went to bed easily like every other night. I'm still hoping to fall asleep. I'm hoping if we stop having sex all together I will develop no need to ever have sex with her again. And then we can be happy and go about life normally. Has anyone ever tried this? Did it work? Or are there better ways? Thanks 
Justin


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

If she has no desire for sex or affection, then why does she want to remain married to you? If she just wants to be friends, there's no need for the two of you to live together. And speaking of friends, I expect a lot from my friends. When I tell them that I need their emotional support, they find a way to make it happen. I would do the same for them. Since she can't really be bothered to work on this issue that bothers you so much, is she really even a friend? Does she understand what this does to your self-esteem? The fact that she get excited watching other men have sex is frankly insulting. 

Sometimes a married person makes the mistake of taking their spouse for granted. It's only when they realize what they stand to lose that they're able to rediscover their affection.

Your plan of remaining abstinent will not work. You'll find that you end up not only sexually frustrated, but resentful as she erodes your self-esteem and identity even further. 

If you're going to detach, detach all the way. There are a million women out there who would find you attractive and want to have sex with you. It's unfortunate that your wife is not one of them. But why are you staying in this marriage?


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I do not know if separate rooms will do much other than Psychologically. For many reasons, none sexual or lack of love, my wife and I had separate bedrooms. One problem was that I have offices overseas who called and faxed me most nights. Plus Sleep Apnea. However, even our girlfriend had her own bedroom. I bought a 4 bedroom house with a living room and a Den. We slept in separate rooms but all the sex was in my bedroom only. No one wanted the smelly and semen stained sheets. I liked to smell the two ladies when I was going to sleep so it worked out well.  Separate bedrooms had nothing to do with less sex, just a good nights sleep. For some reason people assume if you do not sleep together, you do not have sex. That is absurd and a false assumption. We had plenty of sex but did not feel a need to actually sleep together since we were asleep and not having sex. In fact, it was kind of hot to lure the ladies into my bedroom at night; either together and/or individually. 

When people told me how sleeping together would ruin my sex life I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from telling them that I have had over 2,000 threesomes in 30 years and the same amount with each collectively. We would do a threesome and then one on one with each girl. Sleep in separate bedrooms had nothing to do with sex. It is just sleep. In your case you are doing it for other reasons and that is a shame. BTW, when my wife slowed down in the sex department, it turned out that she was fantasizing about women, only women. As soon as we started having threesomes, she was horny as before, even if we did not have a girl in bed at the time. Her confusing sexuality was messing with her libido but having another women in the house cured that. I mention this because it is something that occurs when wives discover their bisexuality. I have chatted with other guys married to bi wives and they had similar stories. In many cases their wives were having an affair with a women. Husbands never think about that. They worry about affairs with guys, not girls. So when their wife went out with her girlfriend, it was for more than friendship. Others like my wife did not want to see women without me. She said it made it feel like cheating so I was required in bed every time she was with a woman, if only to watch if the other girl did not want me in bed with them. Just something to think about, especially if she is masturbating to porn. The fact that she is masturbating shows that her libido is not the problem, having sex with you is and you need to find out why.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This never works. You’re just taking the long slow route to the same destination. Hopefully you’ll still be relatively young when it ends. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## podiumboy (Apr 2, 2017)

Need some info: your ages, how long you've been together, Any kids?. That information will help people to better advise you.

Seems to me, your first priority should be to get a hold on your insomnia, and your anxiety about your sex life. Take care of yourself! Perhaps see a counselor about this problem, maybe they can prescribe something to help ease your mind, even if you only take it temporarily. 

I'm not really in a good position to advise you on the problems with your sex life, as I'm in a similar situation myself. But there are a lot of smart people here with life experience who can offer great advice. The things that really helped me was to realize that I'm far from being alone.


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## podiumboy (Apr 2, 2017)

Then again, you'll also find a lot of people that will tell you to just divorce and find someone new. That's probably your fastest route to a better, normal sex life (it would be for me), but at least in my case, my marriage is great in all other ways, we have kids, mutually owned property, etc etc etc.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Justin J said:


> I can't get it out of my head because I feel like she doesn't want it.


Sexual validation can be a strange thing sometimes... What if she actually DOES want it, but she only enjoys it when she sees you begging, unable to control yourself, and willing to accept anything? Or what if she DOES want it, but she wants you to be more aggressive and dominate her? What if she wants BOTH of those things at the same time? 

I'm going to write a comic book called the "Incredible Horndog." It is about a sex starved husband with extremely low self esteem. If his wife yells at him and gets him too aroused, he transforms into an unstoppable macho man with unrealistic sexual confidence that can perform unbelievably in the bedroom. His only weakness would be lack of sleep, just to keep the plot interesting.

While I'm kinda joking, I'm actually kinda not...

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Justin J said:


> So my wife and I have seen a counselor. We love each other but she has no desire for sex or affection. I'm completely opposite. She will have sex with me if I beg, but she never initiates or makes me feel like she wants it. I know she masterbates to porn a few times a month. I get insomnia because I can't get it out of my head because I feel like she doesn't want it. I will goes days even weeks on no sleep. I have decided we will have seperate rooms. No more sex at all because I want her to be happy. Tonight is the first night. She reluctantly agreed to it. But she went to bed easily like every other night. I'm still hoping to fall asleep. *I'm hoping if we stop having sex all together I will develop no need to ever have sex with her again. And then we can be happy and go about life normally. * Has anyone ever tried this? Did it work? Or are there better ways? Thanks
> Justin


This is "normal" for roommates, not spouses.

Yes, some have made this "work," but the definition of working here bears no resemblance to the definition of a healthy marriage. 

She still masturbates, so she is not completely asexual--but she may not feel sexual around you, which is a problem.

First and foremost, get yourself healthy. Detachment is good. If you want this to work, demand (not beg) she come around and/or get you two into counseling. If whe refuses both, you know exactly where you stand. Which means, you either consign yourself to an entire lifetime of frustration or you move on.


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## Justin J (Oct 1, 2017)

Some good advice and I'll try to address everything there. We're both about 35 and have 4 kids. Married 10 years been together 17. The one thing I did not mention was most of her internet searches are for naked women. Although she swears she is 100% straight. She does not like to talk about this at all, she gets uncomfortable. Im still in pretty good shape. I took this upon myself last year and got myself into tip top shape hoping that would help. Did not work. Still pretty decent. I don't know how often she masterbates but I know when our router picks up pornographic images and I've seen everything she has seen. I told her that. I used to be concerned she was bi but I have seen plenty of forums where straight women look at naked women so I became less concerned. She is very conservative. I do not believe she likes to see me beg or dominance. I have tried it all. She will have sex with me from time to time, it feels like pity sex. We are seeing a ounselor but individually. Tomorrow is our first session together. I know she is not going to like the seperate bedrooms. I do everything I can. I pay all the bouse bills, I do all dishes laundry and cleaning. I let her go out whenever and wherever. I take her on dates often, I give backrugs, surprise with flowers and romantic little gifts. I take care of the kids in evenings so she can relax when she gets home. I try to do all the little things I can to make her feel relaxed and loved. I have read many books on this and trying to do what I can. She just has no libido. She used to want sex a lot, she used to do everything. Now the few times we get to do it, it is always the same and routine. Not because I don't try. She always has an orgasm. Most of the time 2. Once during foreplay and sometimes a second after during the act of sex.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Justin J said:


> She just has no libido. She used to want sex a lot, she used to do everything. Now the few times we get to do it, it is always the same and routine.


Sorry to say, but she has a libido, but just not for you. For whatever reason, she is no longer attracted to you. It doesn't mean she doesn't find you attractive, but it does mean she doesn't have a desire to be intimate with you. 

It's hard to see a good outcome from your situation. It's a mistake to go to separate rooms. You won't be happy. You won't just lose your desire for sex and then everything will be okay. You'll continue to lament your situation and get more and more depressed. You'll keep hoping she'll have an epiphany, but it will never happen. She'll go to sleep fine every night while you lie in bed with your mind racing. She'll get more and more used to having her own room and the gap will get wider between you too.

The only solutions I see for you are to do something explosive. Divorce--tell her that it's clear this marriage won't work and that you're leaving. Sexually Dominate--tell her that you won't live a celibate life and you're going to F her brains out on a regular basis.

BUT FIRST, you have to get your head on straight. You are so wrapped up in this lack of sex that it's killing your self confidence. First, you have to change your life so you are having a kick-ass time regardless of your sex life. Delve into a hobby that you really enjoy. Also, start working out like a madman. Intense workouts will create feel-good endorphins, increase your testosterone levels, and make you proud of your body. Boot camp style workouts would be what I would recommend. Don't do solitary workouts where you have lots of time to think about your situation. You want a tough, instructor-led workout so all you're thinking about is trying to get through the workout. 

Once you can stop thinking that she owns your balls, you'll be able to see the situation much clearer and come up with a better solution.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sex is supposed to be an integral, loving part of marriage or of any committed mutual relationship!

Having said that, if one of the marriage or relationship partners arbitrarily decides to "shut the water" off from the other simply because they, themselves, don't really care for sex, then that, in my book, is license for divorce under "alienation of affection!"*


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i am not following your logic at all. If she never initiates, and you stop initiating...you will never have sex with her ever again! 

you need to rethink this.

How about HRT treatment for her. Bioidentical seeds with the proper hormones will probably make her very horny again


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

wilson said:


> BUT FIRST, you have to get your head on straight. You are so wrapped up in this lack of sex that it's killing your self confidence. First, you have to change your life so you are having a kick-ass time regardless of your sex life. Delve into a hobby that you really enjoy. Also, start working out like a madman. Intense workouts will create feel-good endorphins, increase your testosterone levels, and make you proud of your body. Boot camp style workouts would be what I would recommend. Don't do solitary workouts where you have lots of time to think about your situation. You want a tough, instructor-led workout so all you're thinking about is trying to get through the workout.
> 
> Once you can stop thinking that she owns your balls, you'll be able to see the situation much clearer and come up with a better solution.


This is the route to go, start doing all those things that you like to do instead of focusing on having sex. Your current path is a self destructive, passive routine that makes you look pathetic (Which is not attractive to your wife). And stop doing so much around the house, a marriage should be a good compromise, not so one sided.

Start to focus on you and making yourself a better person. Read books like "The five love languages" and "His needs, her needs" WITH your wife to start to learn what each other really needs emotionally. If your whole focus is about getting laid, she is going to feel like she is just a depository for your sperm. If you can make her feel loved, supported, and appreciated, you will have much more luck in her meeting your needs.

And don't continue with your idea for separate bedrooms, all you are doing is driving a wedge between you and your wife. Use the counseling and the books to work together on fixing your marriage.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

The operative word is "together".

Something the TAM peanut gallery seems to not focusing on...


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

OK, two things: 

1: consider that your wife may be gay, either that or after having 4 kids she's ashamed of her body. Hell, consider that maybe she could be ashamed of yours! 

2: separate bedrooms is going to shield you from the urges brought on by her pheromones which may help you get a good night's sleep but it's not going to fix the issue of the complete lack of intimacy. 

I can't offer you any advice though. I'm going through much the same thing. If I were you I'd work more on reopening lines of communication and see if there are any trust issues. That could explain the lack of intimacy. Once you establish that, then maybe she'll start to be more accepting of smaller forms of physical affection.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

If you are supporting her financially and helping significantly around the house, then she's getting the far better end of the deal. This is not an equitable relationship and you have the power to change it but you have to be willing to step up and change the relationship rules that are currently established. First thing is to start advocating for yourself and expect equality in the relationship benefits.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

@m00nman - I can about guarantee that his issues are that she simply isn't attracted to him. The way he described his home life (financial provider, housework, takes care of kids, etc.) are not the traits that turn women on. If he described himself as outgoing and confident, likes to hang out with his guy friends and do masculine activities, regularly takes his wife out on fun dates, etc. then I'd have a totally different take on the situation.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

This all comes down to your lousy gift giving skills. 



> I give backrugs, surprise with flowers and romantic little gifts.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

At least in my experience, going without sex does not reduce the desire. In a near sexless relationship, I prefer separate bedrooms - I don't have the woman I desire right there, but untouchable, and I have privacy to take care of myself since thats about all I have in terms of sex. 

Your wife doesn't want sex with you but watches porn. Is she able explain why? If she can, this is a time for honesty. If she is gay but wants to stay married, is she OK with an open relationship?

This problem won't go away. Leave, Cheat, live like a monk. All bad solutions but pick one. 




Justin J said:


> So my wife and I have seen a counselor. We love each other but she has no desire for sex or affection. I'm completely opposite. She will have sex with me if I beg, but she never initiates or makes me feel like she wants it. I know she masterbates to porn a few times a month. I get insomnia because I can't get it out of my head because I feel like she doesn't want it. I will goes days even weeks on no sleep. I have decided we will have seperate rooms. No more sex at all because I want her to be happy. Tonight is the first night. She reluctantly agreed to it. But she went to bed easily like every other night. I'm still hoping to fall asleep. I'm hoping if we stop having sex all together I will develop no need to ever have sex with her again. And then we can be happy and go about life normally. Has anyone ever tried this? Did it work? Or are there better ways? Thanks
> Justin


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Justin J said:


> So my wife and I have seen a counselor. We love each other but she has no desire for sex or affection. I'm completely opposite. She will have sex with me if I beg, but she never initiates or makes me feel like she wants it. I know she masterbates to porn a few times a month. I get insomnia because I can't get it out of my head because I feel like she doesn't want it. I will goes days even weeks on no sleep. I have decided we will have seperate rooms. No more sex at all because I want her to be happy. Tonight is the first night. She reluctantly agreed to it. But she went to bed easily like every other night. I'm still hoping to fall asleep. I'm hoping if we stop having sex all together I will develop no need to ever have sex with her again. And then we can be happy and go about life normally. Has anyone ever tried this? Did it work? Or are there better ways? Thanks
> Justin


No, it probably will not work. And, before I get into why, your wife has a serious issue in that she is replacing sex with you (a willing partner) with porn. She needs to evaluate why, and (depending on the reason) get with you to fix it.

That being said, the reason it won't work is that your emotional connection with her will suffer without sex. Typically when the man is sufficiently hurt by the lack of sex, he will protect himself by distancing and detaching himself from his partner. And, you've already started the process by sleeping in separate rooms.

Now, your wife does not want the physical connection, but fears losing the emotional connection. So, the distance you are imposing is troubling to her. Something in the relationship is worth keeping (it could be any number of things - you'd have to ask her what). She may not see this as a consequence of cutting off sex, and if she figured it out (or you told her) she'd probably say it's unfair. She expects you to squash your needs and meet hers regardless; yes it's selfish and unfair to you, but that's the reality.

Yes, you can eventually not care about sex with her, but at that point you'll care less about her overall. Se is a bonding act; no sex equals no bonding. And without the sex, you'll not care much about meeting her non-sexual needs (because you'll continue to resist a one-sided, unsatisfying relationship). Then she'll probably resent that her needs aren't being met (even while ignoring yours) and then you'll resent her trying to restore her preferred status quo.

Don't go down this road; problems are never easier to solve with resentments in the air. It's much better that you sit her down now and tell her you don't like where this marriage is going. Tell her that her lack of interest in sex is likely to cause you to lose interest in her. Ask her to work on redirecting her sex drive towards you. Explain that while you understand it's easier for her to MB to porn and meet her own needs, she needs to be more considerate of yours.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Your plan of remaining abstinent will not work. You'll find that you end up not only sexually frustrated, but resentful as she erodes your self-esteem and identity even further.


Alternatively, he'll just stop caring about sex with her since he doesn't spend much time around her, then because he doesn't care about sex with her he'll stop caring about her needs, then she gets pissed off (and probably leaves at some point) because a lack of sex is no excuse for him to not meet her needs.

Either way, it's not sustainable.


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## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

Justin J said:


> Some good advice and I'll try to address everything there. We're both about 35 and have 4 kids. Married 10 years been together 17. The one thing I did not mention was most of her internet searches are for naked women. Although she swears she is 100% straight. She does not like to talk about this at all, she gets uncomfortable. Im still in pretty good shape. I took this upon myself last year and got myself into tip top shape hoping that would help. Did not work. Still pretty decent. I don't know how often she masterbates but I know when our router picks up pornographic images and I've seen everything she has seen. I told her that. I used to be concerned she was bi but I have seen plenty of forums where straight women look at naked women so I became less concerned. She is very conservative. I do not believe she likes to see me beg or dominance. I have tried it all. She will have sex with me from time to time, it feels like pity sex. We are seeing a ounselor but individually. Tomorrow is our first session together. I know she is not going to like the seperate bedrooms.  I do everything I can. I pay all the bouse bills, I do all dishes laundry and cleaning. I let her go out whenever and wherever. I take her on dates often, I give backrugs, surprise with flowers and romantic little gifts. I take care of the kids in evenings so she can relax when she gets home. I try to do all the little things I can to make her feel relaxed and loved. I have read many books on this and trying to do what I can. She just has no libido. She used to want sex a lot, she used to do everything. Now the few times we get to do it, it is always the same and routine. Not because I don't try. She always has an orgasm. Most of the time 2. Once during foreplay and sometimes a second after during the act of sex.


She may like having separate bedrooms. That means less stress in having sex. That is my situation. I've been in separate bedroom for 13yrs, and my wife prefers it. I think it's better for me as well. If I can't have sex with her, I don't want to stay in the same bed as her. My wife has low desire too. Neither of us wants divorce. I think we will find a happy medium somehow. We will compromise together, perhaps more me than her. Life is not all sex. I think. 
You have 4 kids and been together for 17. Sounds like big motivation to make your marriage work. Staying in separate bedrooms doesn't have to be a bad thing. Also, my wife is sahm and I do dishes as my house chores. But I'm not as gift giving as you. I do expect her to try and make an effort in making our sex life fun while she/we deal with her low libido. Else I can make her life as frustrated as would be mine. Good luck!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

So many marital problems could be overcome by simply communicating with your spouse.

No sex, yet wife masturbates to porn?

Ask why.

In my marriage, my wife isn't much of a communicator. I am. She was not used to this, and didn't like it at first. She still doesn't _like_ it, but she now knows it's healthy and necessary.

If, at this point, you don't know why your wife masturbates to porn, yet rejects you sexually, you're in trouble, IMO. If you've asked and she's brushed you off, you need to try harder. If you haven't opened that line of communication about that subject, then I don't know what to tell you.

You can't expect problems to be fixed by not talking about them. You may not always like the response, but at least it gives you something to go on.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Justin J said:


> Some good advice and I'll try to address everything there. We're both about 35 and have 4 kids. Married 10 years been together 17. The one thing I did not mention was most of her internet searches are for naked women. Although she swears she is 100% straight. She does not like to talk about this at all, she gets uncomfortable. Im still in pretty good shape. I took this upon myself last year and got myself into tip top shape hoping that would help. Did not work. Still pretty decent. I don't know how often she masterbates but I know when our router picks up pornographic images and I've seen everything she has seen. I told her that. I used to be concerned she was bi but I have seen plenty of forums where straight women look at naked women so I became less concerned. She is very conservative. I do not believe she likes to see me beg or dominance. I have tried it all. She will have sex with me from time to time, it feels like pity sex. We are seeing a ounselor but individually. Tomorrow is our first session together. I know she is not going to like the seperate bedrooms. I do everything I can. I pay all the bouse bills, I do all dishes laundry and cleaning. I let her go out whenever and wherever. I take her on dates often, I give backrugs, surprise with flowers and romantic little gifts. I take care of the kids in evenings so she can relax when she gets home. I try to do all the little things I can to make her feel relaxed and loved. I have read many books on this and trying to do what I can. She just has no libido. She used to want sex a lot, she used to do everything. Now the few times we get to do it, it is always the same and routine. Not because I don't try. She always has an orgasm. Most of the time 2. Once during foreplay and sometimes a second after during the act of sex.


No more begging and pleading for sex.

Also, stop doing housework. Yard work is fine, and anything in the garage is OK, but no more housework.

How often does she go out without you?

How often does she work late?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Justin J said:


> Some good advice and I'll try to address everything there. We're both about 35 and have 4 kids. Married 10 years been together 17. The one thing I did not mention was most of her internet searches are for naked women. Although she swears she is 100% straight. She does not like to talk about this at all, she gets uncomfortable. Im still in pretty good shape. I took this upon myself last year and got myself into tip top shape hoping that would help. Did not work. Still pretty decent. I don't know how often she masterbates but I know when our router picks up pornographic images and I've seen everything she has seen. I told her that. I used to be concerned she was bi but I have seen plenty of forums where straight women look at naked women so I became less concerned. She is very conservative. I do not believe she likes to see me beg or dominance. I have tried it all. She will have sex with me from time to time, it feels like pity sex. We are seeing a ounselor but individually. Tomorrow is our first session together. I know she is not going to like the seperate bedrooms. * I do everything I can. I pay all the bouse bills, I do all dishes laundry and cleaning. * I let her go out whenever and wherever. I take her on dates often, *I give backrugs, surprise with flowers and romantic little gifts. I take care of the kids in evenings so she can relax when she gets home. I try to do all the little things I can to make her feel relaxed and loved.* I have read many books on this and trying to do what I can. She just has no libido. She used to want sex a lot, she used to do everything. Now the few times we get to do it, it is always the same and routine. Not because I don't try. She always has an orgasm. Most of the time 2. Once during foreplay and sometimes a second after during the act of sex.



Unless she has a thing about 'doing the help'...

Seriously, are you the husband or the help?


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

Bananapeel said:


> @m00nman - I can about guarantee that his issues are that she simply isn't attracted to him. The way he described his home life (financial provider, housework, takes care of kids, etc.) are not the traits that turn women on. If he described himself as outgoing and confident, likes to hang out with his guy friends and do masculine activities, regularly takes his wife out on fun dates, etc. then I'd have a totally different take on the situation.


You have a point. The OP needs to stop making concessions and work on his self esteem.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

It seems that you are pandering to her needs and she is losing respect for you as a husband.

Women like men to be the strong, take charge type....with some warm mushies occasionally.

You seem to be catering to her every whim whether she wants you to or not.

I know you are probably only doing this to relieve some of the chores off your wife’s plate so she has some time for you.....I really don’t think this is the issue.

If you BEG.....no no...you shouldn’t have to .....the quality of the sex you ll get will be terrible and she will lose respect for you.

If your wife is MB to porn ...that is so unfair to you. This is the root of the problem that you have to delve into.....not voluntarily castrating yourself so you don’t have the desire to have sex...this will solve nothing.

I am not against either sex MB to porn if their sex life is frequent and healthy....hell even watch it together as part of foreplay.

Ask her why she MB to porn.....what does she get from it that you can’t replicate.....

Ask her what it will take to get her interested in sex with you and leave porn out of the equation.

Talk,talk and more talking and discussing will be far more beneficial to you both getting the sex life you want ......instead of taking sex off the table altogether.....this isn’t a marriage....you will both lose the connection that sex brings to a couple and will drift apart to be 2 people living under the same roof who barely like each other...let alone lust after each other.

Don’t resort to that....there’s a ton of things that can be tried before resorting to that extreme.....but your wife has to meet you halfway....you can’t do it alone.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Don't bother talking to her while she holds you in such low esteem and has so little attraction to you.

Hit the gym. Update your hairstyle and wardrobe. Go out with guys instead of with her. When she asks for help, tell her you are too busy. Have a list of "for me" items that you need to do, so you can jump on one of those items when she asks you why you are too busy. Tools that need to be sharpened so they are available for the big weekend project is a good one. Gets you out of the immediate request and sets the stage that you won't be available this coming weekend, either.

Once you have upped your attractiveness level and shown her that you will not be available to her as much as you were before, THEN you can have a conversation about whether she is interested in providing more sex in exchange for you being more available to her. She might not be.

If she complains that you should love her "no matter what", say you do, but she doesn't find you attractive when you are at her beck and call. So even though you are madly in love with her, you are resisting the urge to cater to her every whim because that is the only way for you to stay desirable in her eyes. Tell her you are turning her down for her sake. Tell her that your willpower is very strong, and that there is nothing she can do to overcome your strong desire to resist her. Dare her to prove you wrong.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Her internet searches, viz., naked women, is telling.

Telling me that her tastes have shifted. From men to women.

I would monitor her communications, her location, via GPS.

Put a VAR, voice activated recorder in her car.

To prove that she is a newly discovered Lesbian?

No, to prove that she is no longer your' wife.

Dig hard, do the detective work, get a friend to tail her. 
When you get enough dirt on her, high-tail it' out of your marriage.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Justin J said:


> Some good advice and I'll try to address everything there. We're both about 35 and have 4 kids. Married 10 years been together 17. The one thing I did not mention was most of her internet searches are for naked women. Although she swears she is 100% straight. She does not like to talk about this at all, she gets uncomfortable. Im still in pretty good shape. I took this upon myself last year and got myself into tip top shape hoping that would help. Did not work. Still pretty decent. I don't know how often she masterbates but I know when our router picks up pornographic images and I've seen everything she has seen. I told her that. I used to be concerned she was bi but I have seen plenty of forums where straight women look at naked women so I became less concerned. She is very conservative. I do not believe she likes to see me beg or dominance. I have tried it all. She will have sex with me from time to time, it feels like pity sex. We are seeing a ounselor but individually. Tomorrow is our first session together. I know she is not going to like the seperate bedrooms. I do everything I can. I pay all the bouse bills, I do all dishes laundry and cleaning. I let her go out whenever and wherever. I take her on dates often, I give backrugs, surprise with flowers and romantic little gifts. I take care of the kids in evenings so she can relax when she gets home. I try to do all the little things I can to make her feel relaxed and loved. I have read many books on this and trying to do what I can. She just has no libido. She used to want sex a lot, she used to do everything. Now the few times we get to do it, it is always the same and routine. Not because I don't try. She always has an orgasm. Most of the time 2. Once during foreplay and sometimes a second after during the act of sex.


This is it. 

Stop doing the all the house work!

Stop trying to beg. 

All this does is make you so unattractive to a women it kills the relationship. 

Did you do all these things when you were dating?

The un manning of men now a days. 

Read No More Mr Nice Guy. 

Right now you are on a one way ticket to a divorce or your wife having an affair. 

Loving your wife is one thing, giving up your rights and self respect in the marriage is another. 

Are you such a wuss to give in like you have?

What example are you setting for your kids?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

What do you stand to lose if you divorce?

What do you stand to gain:
A woman who gives you great sex
A woman who brings YOU gifts, backrubs, romantic gifts.
A woman who treats YOU good.

You can hang around for years wishing things would change, or you can change them.
Losing a woman that is as cold as you describe.... you won't lose much of anything


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