# Vent!!!



## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Argggggg. I'm so frustrated. Ex's cs got increased and he appealed. (Note. This was because he fought for full custody and a cs modification. He lost custody and they modified cs). He was not happy with the appeal decision so he appealed the appeal. You get the idea. He is supposed to split the cost of extracurricular s 50/50. I showed him the cost of an activity last week for both kids and paid all of it at the meeting last weekend. Asked him for his half and he says he's not supposed to pay it directly to me. He thinks it should go through cs. Really because its not for cs!!!!!!!! I told him in the future he can pay everything and provide me a receipt and I'll reimburse him. I'm so stinking fed up. And all this from a guy who told the judge that she shouldn't raise cs because then he will only be able to afford 2 vacations a year not 3. I could choke him right now.


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## SingleInTx (Jan 18, 2013)

Ugh!! Why is it that those of us who take full responsibility for the care of our children and do the right thing by them, are the ones who end up struggling and on the losing end of the fight while the xH doesn't have to worry about anyone except himself? 

I'm sorry hon. That really SUUCKS!

On the bright side, maybe he'll leave for one of his vacations and fall into the ocean or something... there's always hope


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

SingleInTx said:


> Ugh!! Why is it that those of us who take full responsibility for the care of our children and do the right thing by them, are the ones who end up struggling and on the losing end of the fight while the xH doesn't have to worry about anyone except himself?
> 
> I'm sorry hon. That really SUUCKS!
> 
> On the bright side, maybe he'll leave for one of his vacations and fall into the ocean or something... there's always hope


It does work both ways, sometimes the custodial parent won't get a job and lives off govt assistance thus pushing up your cs. So, sometimes the noncustodial gets screwed too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

If he is able to take 3 vacations a year I don't think that's the case.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

And whether I work or not only changes his support by $100 a month. We have done it both ways. Doesn't change much


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

happysnappy said:


> If he is able to take 3 vacations a year I don't think that's the case.


Maybe, maybe not. I took 3 vacations this year, but it was all because I had family help. Not minimizing your senario at all, but divorce sucks....plain and simple.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SingleInTx (Jan 18, 2013)

Dedicated, so true, I sometimes forget that end of the spectrum exists as well- it's equally unfair. That side affects some CP's as well; people who mooch off of the government shamelessly contribute to those of us who work a ton but don't make bank not being able to get even a small amount of assistance, not even sliding scale healthcare for the kids, by constantly driving the income restrictions down. It's probably more profitable for them not to work in many cases.

There are manipulative or money-centered people on both sides of the custody wars.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

SingleInTx said:


> Dedicated, so true, I sometimes forget that end of the spectrum exists as well- it's equally unfair. That side affects some CP's as well; people who mooch off of the government shamelessly contribute to those of us who work a ton but don't make bank not being able to get even a small amount of assistance, not even sliding scale healthcare for the kids, by constantly driving the income restrictions down. It's probably more profitable for them not to work in many cases.
> 
> There are manipulative or money-centered people on both sides of the custody wars.


so i'm going to vent a little more about "moochers" and our government system in general. here's the big problem with it and my situation. I literally cannot afford to work because even a minimum wage job puts me just over the edge of being able to get daycare assistance and i would be in negative on income if i got a full time job like this. In order to afford daycare etc i would need to make $20 an hour locally. The only jobs like that here are over an hour away. If i move (which i can't afford to do) and lose my entire support system, my ex will again fight for full custody based on me moving. I can't afford to fight him either. On my side of the coin, he may pay CS but he never ever has to call in to work because someone is sick, he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants and he has the luxury of knowing the kids are well cared for. What is that worth to him? If you ask him he will say it's worth nothing because he hasn't had to worry about it. If i go back to work and move you can bet he'll be throwing a huge fit. As a mom, it's a tough spot to be in. Just as tough as you non-custodials giving up part of your paycheck if not worse because a lot of us can't do anything about it, myself included. I would kill to be able to go to work and drop the kids off at school. Unfortunately, i can't because financially it would kill me.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

happysnappy said:


> He was not happy with the appeal decision so he appealed the appeal.


I wasn't aware that appellate court decisions could be appealed.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

happysnappy said:


> so i'm going to vent a little more about "moochers" and our government system in general. here's the big problem with it and my situation. I literally cannot afford to work because even a minimum wage job puts me just over the edge of being able to get daycare assistance and i would be in negative on income if i got a full time job like this. In order to afford daycare etc i would need to make $20 an hour locally. The only jobs like that here are over an hour away. If i move (which i can't afford to do) and lose my entire support system, my ex will again fight for full custody based on me moving. I can't afford to fight him either. On my side of the coin, he may pay CS but he never ever has to call in to work because someone is sick, he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants and he has the luxury of knowing the kids are well cared for. What is that worth to him? If you ask him he will say it's worth nothing because he hasn't had to worry about it. If i go back to work and move you can bet he'll be throwing a huge fit. As a mom, it's a tough spot to be in. Just as tough as you non-custodials giving up part of your paycheck if not worse because a lot of us can't do anything about it, myself included. I would kill to be able to go to work and drop the kids off at school. Unfortunately, i can't because financially it would kill me.


I give up half my bring home and pay for kids healthcare. I also contribute half to all copays and extra curricular. I begged her to go back to school while we were going through our problems. She could then decide what she wanted when she was done regarding the marriage. Some people just don't have it in them to do the work to take care of themselves. Others, are just selfish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

It hasn't been to appellate court. It goes to magistrate then judge then appellate court. He can appeal 3 times. There is lots more to this that has contributed to me being in the position I am. A lot of things he has fought for that I've had no choice in. Courts don't always make the best decisions


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

I'm sorry for your situation dedicated. I do feel for noncustodial parents that get taken to the cleaners. He pays no medical out of pocket clothing or anything. I have to pull teeth to get any help with extracurricular stuff as in my vent today. He has the kids one weekend a month and 2 nights during the week and pawns them off 90% of the time on relatives. He's obviously not interested I being a parent


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

happysnappy said:


> I'm sorry for your situation dedicated. I do feel for noncustodial parents that get taken to the cleaners. He pays no medical out of pocket clothing or anything. I have to pull teeth to get any help with extracurricular stuff as in my vent today. He has the kids one weekend a month and 2 nights during the week and pawns them off 90% of the time on relatives. He's obviously not interested I being a parent


Its cool. I'm fine. It looks like this year I will make about 20k more than I ever have, so karma works out. I enjoy my life. I live frugally, but I'm not strapped. I see my kids 8 nights a month. I'm thankful for the time. Money doesn't buy happiness, but the biggest revenge is this, "dad, when I grow up, I want to be like you, not mom." Be a good person regardless of what your ex does, your children watch and make their own choices.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SingleInTx (Jan 18, 2013)

happysnappy said:


> so i'm going to vent a little more about "moochers" and our government system in general. here's the big problem with it and my situation. I literally cannot afford to work because even a minimum wage job puts me just over the edge of being able to get daycare assistance and i would be in negative on income if i got a full time job like this. In order to afford daycare etc i would need to make $20 an hour locally. The only jobs like that here are over an hour away. If i move (which i can't afford to do) and lose my entire support system, my ex will again fight for full custody based on me moving. I can't afford to fight him either. On my side of the coin, he may pay CS but he never ever has to call in to work because someone is sick, he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants and he has the luxury of knowing the kids are well cared for. What is that worth to him? If you ask him he will say it's worth nothing because he hasn't had to worry about it. If i go back to work and move you can bet he'll be throwing a huge fit. As a mom, it's a tough spot to be in. Just as tough as you non-custodials giving up part of your paycheck if not worse because a lot of us can't do anything about it, myself included. I would kill to be able to go to work and drop the kids off at school. Unfortunately, i can't because financially it would kill me.


Happy, my comment was not directed at you as I do not know your situation and would not presume to judge. I didn't mean for it to offend, and if it did my apologies.

I was trying to say, I see both sides- REALLY- because I have full physical and legal custody of my boys, PLUS work at a high-stress corporate job (started as an assistant during my separation and in 3 years have promoted 3 times to get to my current salary level). I qualify for zero assistance, get the TX minimum CS for 2 kids, pay their healthcare, daycare, extracurriculars, and every other expense with no reimbursement. I'm not asking for a medal here, but it leaves me negative or in the best of circumstances, breaking even pay-wise during the month. I have zero savings, I have depleted it all during the divorce and subsequent move. When the kids are sick I have to work from home, take them to the doctor, miss work, or bring them to my office with me. 

Sh!t is rough for everyone- however I think the common theme we can all agree on is be the best role model you can be for your kids, and let the ex's do what they will- as our kids get older they will see the value in doing the best we can. 

Dedicated, I could have written much of what you did minus the NCP factor, but your outlook on life in general seems to mirror mine very closely.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

No offense taken. I see both sides also. It's difficult no matter which side of the fence you're on. I personally think that other than emergency short term assistance the govt should only offer daycare benefits and they should be enough for those like me to be able to work full time and have something to pay the bills with.


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## SingleInTx (Jan 18, 2013)

happysnappy said:


> No offense taken. I see both sides also. It's difficult no matter which side of the fence you're on. I personally think that other than emergency short term assistance the govt should only offer daycare benefits and they should be enough for those like me to be able to work full time and have something to pay the bills with.


AMEN! In many other countries childcare is paid for so that parents can work, that would be so nice to have over here as well. Short-term benefits would be great as well, as I feel that some people who get on benefits stay on forever! But if daycare were paid for, they could work & not receive benefits anymore- :sigh: our government is so screwed up!


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Currently they give people more incentive not to work. I think 3 months of help should be all that's offered other than Childcare


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Imagine what that would do for the economy!!! Lets run for president


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

SingleInTx said:


> Ugh!! Why is it that those of us who take full responsibility for the care of our children and do the right thing by them, are the ones who end up struggling and on the losing end of the fight while the xH doesn't have to worry about anyone except himself?


So you KNOW my STBXH? 

Child support is my pet peeve. Mostly because he isn't paying any.  Meanwhile my STBXH's biggest worry is that he will lose his $40k boat after blowing $100k of his inheritance money in the past two years. 

I told him there is a special place in Hell for fathers like him. Needless to say he didn't take it well.


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## SingleInTx (Jan 18, 2013)

Freak On a Leash said:


> So you KNOW my STBXH?
> 
> Child support is my pet peeve. Mostly because he isn't paying any.  Meanwhile my STBXH's biggest worry is that he will lose his $40k boat after blowing $100k of his inheritance money in the past two years.
> 
> I told him there is a special place in Hell for fathers like him. Needless to say he didn't take it well.


Yeah... I know the feeling. Separated/filed for D in July 2010, D was final Aug 2011, I didn't see a DIME of CS until June 2012. 

xH quit a job making $150k back in Jul 2010 when I filed and now makes about $25k/yr. He doesn't have his own place intentionally so he can't take the kids for weekends or overnights. He won't get a better paying job for fear that they may increase the $284/mo he pays in CS (a freaking JOKE given the expenses I have to pay). 

Special place in hell? My xH will meet your STBXH there! I hope somebody steals his boat and sells it for parts :-D


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

SingleInTx said:


> xH quit a job making $150k back in Jul 2010 when I filed and now makes about $25k/yr. He doesn't have his own place intentionally so he can't take the kids for weekends or overnights. He won't get a better paying job for fear that they may increase the $284/mo he pays in CS (a freaking JOKE given the expenses I have to pay).
> 
> Special place in hell? My xH will meet your STBXH there! I hope somebody steals his boat and sells it for parts :-D


Your xH sounds like he's read from the same playbook as my STBXH. 

I should be so lucky that someone would steal his boat. We had a major storm/hurricane here on the Jersey Shore and EVERY boat in the yard was damaged except for my husbands. :slap: Talk about the luck of the Irish..this guy was born with a 4 leaf clover in his mouth. :banghead: 

Now he's obsessed with keeping it. But his son can go without clothes and food and his teeth can rot beneath his braces. THAT is just fine. 

If my STBXH gave me $284/month I'd be thrilled. That would be a lot more than he pays now: 0...as in ZERO. 

He has a place for $1300/month. He pays $500/month for his boat. He SAYS he's living off credit cards but it's not adding up in my head. If he is racking up debt than I want out ASAP because legally I'm still connected to him, even though none of his debts are in my name. He's always lying and I don't believe a word he says.

If he wants to sit down and make an agreement to pay HALF of my expenses to raise our son then we're good. If I hear the excuses then he can counter file and we'll go before the judge. It's all on him. I just got my docket number and will serving the papers to him this week..so the fun will soon begin. 

He gives me this bull about not being able to work because he's an alcoholic, sick, etc, that he's paid for us before, etc, etc but I've told him that he CAN NOT walk away from his kids. He says he can move away and he won't be touched. Fine, if he wants to do that he can do it but at least I won't have to deal with him. 

Or he can try being a decent human being for a change and take care of his obligations. I don't want anything for myself, I just want him to do good by our son. More than taking him out for a burger on a Sunday and playing a computer game with him for a few hours.


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## SingleInTx (Jan 18, 2013)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Or he can try being a decent human being for a change and take care of his obligations. I don't want anything for myself, I just want him to do good by our son. More than taking him out for a burger on a Sunday and playing a computer game with him for a few hours.


Wouldn't that be lovely in a perfect world?! 

Aah, the frustration...


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Just out of curiosity: Was your EXH originally the primary or custodial who got greedier asking for sole and lost? Or was he the noncustodial who was asking for primary/sole and lost anyways?
And I'm sorry to hear he's appealing. It's only a matter of time that he runs out of appeals and has to pay out CS for his KIDS. And a fat bill to his lawyer.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

My STBXH and I aren't divorced yet. We are doing our own divorce settlement and have agreed on 50/50 custody and have to work out the details by the end of this month. 

Personally I don't want sole custody. I don't mind that I'm the primary caregiver with my apartment being my son's primary residence. My son is in high school and I've got him set up here with bus service, free lunches and a special program because he's Special Needs so he's good to go. I actually would've preferred if he'd remained with my husband because my husband and him get along better than my son and I do but that didn't happen. 

My husband "attempted" to have full custody this past summer and fall and failed big time so I'm it. He's an alcoholic and took my son when he was sober and working but unfortunately he fell of the wagon AGAIN. Until recently he hasn't done much about his condition but now he's in AA and getting medical attention so hopefully he'll actually improve but I'm the more stable one both financially and emotionally (scary thought! ). 

So now it's a matter of working out the details. He wants whomever has our son to get paid support by the other person. I've been mulling this over and don't think this will work for a number of reasons. I think whomever has our son is living with should pay for the living expenses like food and board and we split things like medical bills, dentist/orthodontist, monthly allowance, clothes, etc. 

I don't trust my H to actually pay me money, especially since he's not doing it RIGHT NOW. I don't want to have to nag him about it and I don't want to be in a position where I have to pay him. This has not worked well in the past and I don't see why it would in the future. Money is a BIG problem with us and always has been. 

Then there's the question about what happens when my son turns 18. As it stands now, my husband isn't paying a dime to my daughter, who is 18 and in college. She's paying her own way through and I'm helping support her. I co signed a loan for her car (after my H took away the car he bought her! ), I pay the car insurance, buy her food when she's home, help her with other costs, medical, etc. I think my husband should do the same for my son when HE turns 18. 

My H would rather that we split things 50/50 and pay each other money based on who has our son and he wants to do that until my son is 21 regardless of whether he goes to college or not. I won't agree to that, especially since he's treated my daughter like crap. She won't even talk to him. 

So, it's going to get interesting. I just filed all the paper work and the clock is ticking now. We have until the end of the month for us to make an agreement or he can file and contest the divorce, which would get messy.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Dedicated2Her said:


> It does work both ways, sometimes the custodial parent won't get a job and lives off govt assistance thus pushing up your cs. So, sometimes the noncustodial gets screwed too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Or in my case with first XW, she had a rental property. I gave my half to her in exchange for her leaving my retirement alone. She wrote off the income from that with expenses. She also got an education and a decent job. She was still able to claim she only made minimum wage since she had enough to write off and show she was in the red on the rental property.

The one thing I wanted to say on top of this is, I thought the same thing. If the government wanted my cs to come through them, they must want anything else to come through through them also. I felt I had to pay the cs through the state to prove I was paying it. Why not the same for the rest? Who knows?

I think, as long as you are getting cs at the proper amount and he is paying his obligated cost for the rest, it seems like a non issue. I do understand him appealing. If nothing has changed about his income substantially, nothing should change. They will force him to pay what he owes in a timely manner.

You could look at this as a good thing. Take care of it now and get it over with. He will know what he has to pay and he will understand the consequences. You are by no means the only person this has happened to. It is a shame and I truly blame it on the state. They create more issues in an already difficult life.


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