# Wondering if it can happen to you? Check this out then...



## caretoomuch (Nov 18, 2008)

I first posted last November or so. I'll skip the long drawn out story and give the main points.

I NEVER thought this could happen to us, EVER!!

Married 15 years, four children, wife got new job, met a guy who "listened to her". Told me she didn't love me anymore. Hours on cell phone to her new man, two secret cell phones. Lie after lie after lie. Denied it was an emotional affair. Over and over. Went to therapy, she lied openly to me and the therapist. Sat in church with me and the children like nothing was wrong. Refused to end it with him, had a physical affair with him. Finally told me the truth after much asking. She moved out. Now wants to work it out. 2 months to go before divorce is final. 

It has been almost one year now, and it is too late. She wants to come back for the kids and "do the right thing". Wrong answer. Has to want to come back for me and fix the marriage, period, or no go.

If this sounds familiar to whats happening to you, it probably is happening. Denial only drags it out, meet it head on as soon as possible. Take a firm stand, and don't be afraid you are going to scare her off, because if things keep going the way they are, she is already gone.

Any questions?? Send me a private message or post here, I'd be glad to help.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i would be devestated, then pizzed. best wishes to you


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Caretoomuch, I am sorry for your pain. I too, have been there. It certainly isn't a great situation to be in. My wayward spouse became a complete stranger to me during his affair. I was literally in disbelief, that the one person that I had done the most for, been there for and his children more than anyone even in his own biological famly ever had, for twenty plus years, could/would do something like this. I had never sacrificed this much love, time and energy for any other human on this planet, in my entire life.

A year and a half ago, he became involved with a woman ten years older than him. She lied about her age, she stole from him and made a game of trying to "win" him away from me. After he got caught cheating, he dropped her like a hot potato, but what did I win? A cheating husband. I doubt that I will ever trust him again, nor do I care about him in the same manner as I did before. I don't know if I ever will. It does become a bit better with time.

Good luck and best wishes to you!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

kudos carestomuch, I guess now that shine has worn off her knight she is ready to bless you with her presence. Nice to hear you are hanging tough. Her knees had better be scabbed from begging instead of something else b4 giving her the time of day. How is she feeling in financially?


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

foolz1 said:


> A year and a half ago, he became involved with a woman ten years older than him. She lied about her age, she stole from him and made a game of trying to "win" him away from me. After he got caught cheating, he dropped her like a hot potato, but what did I win? A cheating husband. I doubt that I will ever trust him again, nor do I care about him in the same manner as I did before. I don't know if I ever will. It does become a bit better with time.
> 
> Good luck and best wishes to you!



Wow..I could have written this only he knew her age and get this 23 years YOUNGER than him.. She didn't steal from him but did try to win my 4 year old boy away from me...but you wrote exactly what I feel. 

At first when I thought I was losing him I would have given anything to save our marriage, and I did. I didn't trust him, and he knows that but somewhere things shifted and I do not see him the way I used to. I do not have the passion I used to. Does it come back? I guess you are still wondering too....the timing of your H's affair was same time as mine, like I said your story sounds so familiar. 

There are so many stages in recovery from betrayal, I wonder if this is one of them that I need to ride out or is this it? Its making me very depressed I think...because I kind of look at it like this it will either work out or it won't by I am ok either way. What kind of thought is that???? 

Caretomuch, sorry to hear about this. I can feel your pain too but it also sounds like you have moved on. You are write marriage is not for your kids. Your kids need happy parents even if they are apart. So it has to be because of each other.


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

If you think there is a chance the marriage can work, swallow your pride and give it a chance. I agree the shine has worn off her new knight, it happens but now she might realize how good she had it with you. She MIGHT be a better wife now. Hard to tell.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

AZMOMOFTWO, I never dreamed that my husband would cheat on me and then act like a complete a$$hole. In fact, I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone other than my dad, grandmother and my children. 

It is very disheartening to discover that you have been betrayed by someone who you've known for such a long time and then they act in a way that you would never expect, almost as if they have become a total stranger. It is virtually impossible for me to trust anyone now and I know that it has taken a huge toll on me, both mentally and physically.


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## caretoomuch (Nov 18, 2008)

foolz1 said:


> AZMOMOFTWO, I never dreamed that my husband would cheat on me and then act like a complete a$$hole. In fact, I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone other than my dad, grandmother and my children.
> 
> It is very disheartening to discover that you have been betrayed by someone who you've known for such a long time and then they act in a way that you would never expect, almost as if they have become a total stranger. It is virtually impossible for me to trust anyone now and I know that it has taken a huge toll on me, both mentally and physically.



Amen, sister, Amen.


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## New Beginnings (Sep 9, 2009)

It is so sickening that this scenario in marriages is like a broken record. Are there any decent people in the world? God I hope so......


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