# Oh troubles. Troubles, troubles, troubles.



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Today I found a receipt for a home pregnancy test in the kitchen trash. I do not know what to think. Has my husband gotten someone pregnant? Now, I'm trying not to jump to conclusions. I am college educated in research techniques and investigations. I do know to look at all possibilities and then go through a process of elimination. Here is what I do know: I found a receipt for a home pregnancy test in my kitchen trash. That is fact. First, it is not mine. Second, I am 100% positive that my husband threw it in the trash. The date on the PG test receipt was dated April 5. This was 2 days after we separated and 5 days before he confessed to having another secret but he refused to tell me what that secret was. Now, I do not know why he purchased a PG test. Most guys do not just go around buying PG tests. Could he have brought it for a friend? It's possible I suppose. Also, my husband had a vasectomy almost 6 years ago. Now while a pregnancy is possible, it is very unlikely. And if he had been sleeping with someone, he would have to seriously question if the child was even his. I would have to question that myself. And, I only know a PG test was purchased. I do not know for who and I do not know if it was a positive or negative test result. Ive also been able to eliminate the one woman I have suspected of messing around with my husband as the potential PG person. This means there is yet another woman out there I had no idea about and this makes 3 women within 6 months he has cheated on me with. This just makes me hate myself so much for ever being with a man like him and loving him and giving myself completely to him. I feel so stupid.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

omg.. now if I were you.. I would have that reciept in my hand and be standin in the door way.. so the minute he would walk in the door I would confront him. 

I'm so sorry sweetie.. (((((HUGS)))))) that just sucks! I found a reciept a week ago with condoms on it. Funny thing is Hub and I have NEVER used them.. plus we haven't had sex in about six months.. Mostly because I have issues with his ... ummmm... sexual tendancies. So I know those things weren't for me. I asked him about them, he said he bought them for his 14 year old nephew who asked him too because he was too afraid to ask his mom... not really buying that one.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> omg.. now if I were you.. I would have that reciept in my hand and be standin in the door way.. so the minute he would walk in the door I would confront him.
> 
> I'm so sorry sweetie.. (((((HUGS)))))) that just sucks! I found a reciept a week ago with condoms on it. Funny thing is Hub and I have NEVER used them.. plus we haven't had sex in about six months.. Mostly because I have issues with his ... ummmm... sexual tendancies. So I know those things weren't for me. I asked him about them, he said he bought them for his 14 year old nephew who asked him too because he was too afraid to ask his mom... not really buying that one.


They do come up with some good stories don't they? I should start a new thread on "really stupid lies my spouse tried to pull over on me" LOL. One night, before the truth came out, my husband vanished. POOF! Gone. I searched high. I searched low. I could not find him. He was home watching TV one moment, the next, he was gone. I called him and called him. After an hour, he finally called me back and said he went for a walk. Only, this is a man who has had 3 knee surgeries so walking long distances is hard on him and it was midnight. Uh-huh. I didnt buy the bullsh$t card.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Today I found a receipt for a home pregnancy test in the kitchen trash. I do not know what to think. Has my husband gotten someone pregnant? Now, I'm trying not to jump to conclusions. I am college educated in research techniques and investigations. I do know to look at all possibilities and then go through a process of elimination. Here is what I do know: I found a receipt for a home pregnancy test in my kitchen trash. That is fact. First, it is not mine. Second, I am 100% positive that my husband threw it in the trash. The date on the PG test receipt was dated April 5. This was 2 days after we separated and 5 days before he confessed to having another secret but he refused to tell me what that secret was. Now, I do not know why he purchased a PG test. Most guys do not just go around buying PG tests. Could he have brought it for a friend? It's possible I suppose. Also, my husband had a vasectomy almost 6 years ago. Now while a pregnancy is possible, it is very unlikely. And if he had been sleeping with someone, he would have to seriously question if the child was even his. I would have to question that myself. And, I only know a PG test was purchased. I do not know for who and I do not know if it was a positive or negative test result. Ive also been able to eliminate the one woman I have suspected of messing around with my husband as the potential PG person. This means there is yet another woman out there I had no idea about and this makes 3 women within 6 months he has cheated on me with. This just makes me hate myself so much for ever being with a man like him and loving him and giving myself completely to him. I feel so stupid.


Call me if you need bail money... that's all i got.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

:iagree: :rofl:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> This was 2 days after we separated and 5 days before he confessed to having another secret but he refused to tell me what that secret was.


Ok, first: I am sorry you found a PG test. Do you guys have daughters? Process of elmination and such.

I am NOT well-versed on anything vasectomy-related but doesn't that mean he cannot get anyone pregnant? Or is there a slim chance? Either way, it doesn't look good right now. Or maybe one of his OW has multiple dudes and someone else got her pregnant? I wonder if the other secret he was going to tell you that he got someone pregnant.

My understanding is he is still living w/ you and OW comes to your driveway and waits for him when she picks him up. Honestly, Apple...at this point I would tell him to leave. To move out. He's not respecting you at all. I would show him the receipt when he comes home today and tell him to get out.




AppleDucklings said:


> This just makes me hate myself so much for ever being with a man like him and loving him and giving myself completely to him. I feel so stupid


No no no no. Do not hate yourself. You have not done anything wrong here so do not self-loathe. You are not responsible for his actions, he is. Sometimes we love the wrong person for us and it happens every single day, all across the world, everywhere. Do not think you did anything wrong, ok? Do something nice for yourself today, ok?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, first: I am sorry you found a PG test. Do you guys have daughters? Process of elmination and such.
> 
> I am NOT well-versed on anything vasectomy-related but doesn't that mean he cannot get anyone pregnant? Or is there a slim chance? Either way, it doesn't look good right now. Or maybe one of his OW has multiple dudes and someone else got her pregnant? I wonder if the other secret he was going to tell you that he got someone pregnant.
> 
> ...


I am doing something nice for myself today. I am officially filing for divorce  Also, tonight is my collge graduation! I feel good about that. I graduated with honors. I do have something to be proud of.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> Call me if you need bail money... that's all i got.


:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

YAY! Congrats on graduating! What a feeling! I'm proud of you! ...

And what triggered the response to file for divorce now? Did you throw him out?


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Wow, just wow. That makes no sense. Amazing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*CONGRATS*, honors-graduate! That is VERY cool  I will break out the virtual bubbly for you!!!! 

First round on Jelly, everyone!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> YAY! Congrats on graduating! What a feeling! I'm proud of you! ...
> 
> And what triggered the response to file for divorce now? Did you throw him out?


I wish so much I could toss him out on his behind but because we rent our house, I have no legal grounds to throw him out just like he could not throw me out either and because we pay our rent, the landlord has no legal grounds to throw either or both of us out. I am stuck with him for now. :banghead: But when I go to my lawyers appointment this afternoon, I will discuss any legal options I may have. 
I know I need to move on with my life. I cannot sit and wait for him. He has hurt me so much over the course of the 15 years we've been together. If I wrote the story on all that he has ever done to me, I think each and every one of you would come through the computer and slap me for being so stupid as to ever being with this man. It's just time I put myself together and move on. I cannot stay and allow him to abuse me anymore.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> *CONGRATS*, honors-graduate! That is VERY cool  I will break out the virtual bubbly for you!!!!
> 
> First round on Jelly, everyone!


:toast::toast::smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I feel the same way about posting my whole story.. i keep thinking.. everyone on there is going to think I'm a flippin moron, reach through their moniters and smack me awake lol


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Lilyana said:


> I feel the same way about posting my whole story.. i keep thinking.. everyone on there is going to think I'm a flippin moron, reach through their moniters and smack me awake lol


ha ha right?  As I mentioned, I have my college graduation tonight. I am graduating with honors. I earned a 3.9 GPA. I'm smart when it comes to school but when it comes to love...well, I am really, really, really dumb.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok, random, but the song in your title for this thread has been stuck in my head. I uploaded it and am listening to it as I type  LOL Great voice, that guy has!

A 3.9... wow you knocked it out of the park, Apple!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Ok, random, but the song in your title for this thread has been stuck in my head. I uploaded it and am listening to it as I type  LOL Great voice, that guy has!
> 
> A 3.9... wow you knocked it out of the park, Apple!


I did not know that was even a song title  Who sings it?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ray Lamontagne "Trouble"

Haha I thought you were referring to that song cause that is how it goes. By the way, I downloaded his entire album...good stuff. Been listening to it all morning.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Ray Lamontagne "Trouble"
> 
> Haha I thought you were referring to that song cause that is how it goes. By the way, I downloaded his entire album...good stuff. Been listening to it all morning.


Then it is something I will be sure to check out


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I am soon leaving to go to my consulation with the divorce lawyer. I am seeking his legal advice on everything including a possible baby on the way. I'm thinking tonight of confronting my husband about it. Any good suggestions on how to approach my husband on this?


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

hold the reciept in your hand and ask him if hes pregnant.. right when he walks in the door


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yeah you could show him the receipt. I would not yell at him though. Remember, you just stay above the water here.

He is the one who is losing out big time.

Ask your divorce lawyer as many questions as you need to and see if they have payment plans, what the laws are in your area, best advice, etc.

Do you have your cap and gown ready for tonight? Woman, you have a lot on your plate but it will be JUST FINE, promise


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I wish I could be there to see you graduate girl, I am so proud of you!!!!! Let me know how the lawyers apt goes!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Updating: I confronted him about the PG test receipt I found. Good news. He does NOT have anyone pregnant. He told me the reason why he brought he brought the test and I do believe him. And I will that at that. Well, when I confronted him, he was laying in our bed. After seeing how shook up I was, he asked if I needed a hug. I said yes and I laid down in the bed with him where he held me for about 20 minutes. By this time, it was time to head out to my college graduation ceremony. He drove me there and he held my hand the entire drive there. He dropped me off at the ceremony (since I had to be there for pictures) and he and the kids went to grab some food. After eating, they all came back. We took some pictures of us together, his arms around my waist and we took some family photos of he, I and our children. He was even hugging me and kissing me at the ceremony. He brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. After the ceremony, we went out with my family for pizza. He sat next to me, his hand on my knee. On the drive home, he held my hand. Once we got home, we sent the kids inside and we stayed in the car. He then pulled out a single, long stem red rose and traced it aound my face and neck. We kissed very passionately. We went inside, put the kids to bed and he asked me if he could sleep in our bed with me. (It had been a week since we last slept in the same bed) I said yes. We had sex together. He looked at me and said "I love you and I always will." I told him I loved him too. Then we slept holding each other all night long. In the morning as he left for work, he kissed me good bye. Now, I am totally conflicted and I think he is too. I want him so bad. He is my husband but I know that he needs to be the one to voluntarily seek therapy and that he needs to be the one to say he wants our marriage. I know if I ask him to go to therapy, he will only see it as me trying to get him to do something against his will. I believe he wants our marriage, even though he said he wanted a divorce. I believe he wants me . I just do not know why he is struggling with committing to that. I do not understand the mind of a cheater.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

Wow, crazy turn of events. Wish my wife and I had such a great night! Good luck working around those mixed signals. I hope every day goes that well for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

The 13th_Floor said:


> Wow, crazy turn of events. Wish my wife and I had such a great night! Good luck working around those mixed signals. I hope every day goes that well for you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks 13. I am very confused. It was a great night with him and with him being so loving and attentative but today is now a new day. He has a tendency to "miss me" after about a week of little to no contact, then he loves all over me for a night and then he goes cold again. It's like a viscious cycle. I've already decided not to pursue him. He knows I love him. He knows I want our marriage. He knows this. He needs to be the one to commit to the marriage.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

Same with my wife. I'll go days without texting, I never call. Always make her come to me no matter what (180) and it's working like I charm...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

The 13th_Floor said:


> Same with my wife. I'll go days without texting, I never call. Always make her come to me no matter what (180) and it's working like I charm...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've also been doing the 180. I'm not chasing him or pursuing him or begging him. Nothing. It does seem to be working for me too. Only thing is, when he comes to me and I respond, he will be very affectionate but then the next day, he flees again. He becomes confused again, not knowing what he wants.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Glad to hear u had a nice graduation. Why did he purchase a pregnancy test?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

He said for his "just a friend" I know she has a boyfriend and I do believe that her friendship with my husband has not been sexual. It's been emotional. It's still not ok because it is emotional. It's not ok because he takes time and attention away from me and spends it on her. And I know as long as he stays in contact with her, we cannot work on our marriage. He does not seem willing to let her go either.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I hear ya there girl, while I am pretty sure about 85-90% sure there hasn't been contact with husbands first and last EA's, I still think there's a part of him not wanting to let go of the first chick, the 40 year old from TN, he "doesn't want her to hate him, because she was there for him, when I wasn't" ouch, lol.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

paramore said:


> I hear ya there girl, while I am pretty sure about 85-90% sure there hasn't been contact with husbands first and last EA's, I still think there's a part of him not wanting to let go of the first chick, the 40 year old from TN, he "doesn't want her to hate him, because she was there for him, when I wasn't" ouch, lol.


Yeah. My H cant seem to get through his thick skull why I do not approve of this "friendship" with her. He tries to use "you are just being paranoid" excuse with me. Well, ummmm hello! Of course, I'm paranoid. You've cheated in the past! Now, at this time I have no proof to say that their relationship has ever gone sexual but he does everything with her that a BF/GF would do together. They talk and text all day. They've been out to the movies and out to dinner together. He's even gone to doc appointments with her when she's felt ill. And still, when I tell him that this is too much for me, he makes me out the be the bad one for "not being understanding with him"


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

You are not the bad guy here girl, I mean for gods sake he's gone to movies and dinner with her? My gut feeling is that there is probably more going on, but again I don't know I am not there...I wish i was, cuz I'd kick the sh*t out of him for you LOL. I am not too horribly far away lol, just a work days drive, haha.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Yeah, I don't get him. I really believes he wants to be with me but he is not letting himself fully admit to it. Last night was so amazing. He was so loving and affectionate with me. Today is back to treating me as if I'm nobody. I had to talk to him on the phone earlier because of some car problems I had. He seemed so cold and unmoved. I do have a weakness for him. He is my H after all. We've been together 15 years all together. I just don't get why he can't just commit to our marriage. What is so special about "just a friend" that he can't let go of?


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I get the weakness, I am guilty of that, we both love the buggers, and have a long history, and kids/dogs/etc....I totally get that.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

oh yes, those troublesome buggers. What does it take to get them to pull their heads outta the dark places?


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

a smack of reality? I am not sure, cuz if I pull completely away, my darlin will do the same, and then I am effed.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

so my DH called me about 10pm and we had a nice, casual conversation. He said he was on his way home. Now, it's been 2 hours later and he is still not home. *sighs* I've not called him or texted him. I'm not going to do that. I got to stick with the 180 and not pursue him, act as if I dont care. But, inside, I'm torn apart. When "just a friend" calls, he goes running. Why am I not as important as "just a friend"? Why does "just a friend" even matter that much to him? And why does 15 years worth of love, faithfulness and devotion not mean squat to him?


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Why am I not as important as "just a friend"? Why does "just a friend" even matter that much to him? And why does 15 years worth of love, faithfulness and devotion not mean squat to him?


For your husband to have such a wonderful night with you filled with joy, romance, passion is saying he still loves you. To answer your question... Fog. If he shows you intense love and caring 1 night a week, the other 6 are focused on her. Sounds bad, I know, but you're still in the game. Take that 1 night away from him for a few weeks (180,) and you may start to get 2 or 3 nights of that every week, then 4 then...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

In my honest opinion, Here is the way I see things.... He didn't get that pregnancy test for a "friend" Men just don't do that (woman do that). The only reason he would buy a pregnancy test for her is because he might have thought he had gotten her pregnant. Your H wants to keep you confused with his actions. Giving you love and affection one night out of 7. What does he do with the other 6? I think he is messing around with her and if not here then someone else you do not know about.

You bring this pregnancy test up and it's a night filled with love, sex and affection. Think about it. If you wouldn't have mentioned anything, it never would have happened.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

More importantly, the pregnancy test was very likely done inside your house.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Apple, I don't buy the pregnancy story he gave you. She is a grown woman and can buy one herself.

You need to get rid of him if he can't commit to you. The level of blatant disprespect he has for you is something serious. She goes to your OWN HOUSE to pick him up in your OWN driveway.

No way, man. Axe him if he isn't willing to give up his affair.

Get tested for STDs.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I do not know what time he finally came home last night (or should I say early A.M.) but it was after 2am. That was the time I fell asleep and he still wasn't home. I woke up about 5am and found him asleep on the couch. I didnt bother him and I went back to bed. He did hug me as he left for work today. It's very confusing right now. He shows me love and attention but he still continues to run around with "just a friend". I don't understand the attachment he has to her.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You can end this game whenever you want.

He has no respect for you.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> You can end this game whenever you want.
> 
> He has no respect for you.


I can, yes but yet at the same time, I can't bring myself to do that. I dont know why I have such high hopes. I dont know what it is I fear that I don't allow myself to leave.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I just read a thread on another website and it got me thinking about something. Our children do not yet know about our separation. We still live together and are very amicable with each other. They have no idea that their dad runs around with another woman. I have told my husband that when we do tell them about our divorce that I will tell the oldest ones the truth. I will tell them about how this happened because he cheated on me. I will tell them how I offered him a chance to redeem himself and to make things right but that he chose not to do that. My H tells me not to do this. He says he will take the blame but he says that they do not need to know what really happened. My H says if I tell the kids the truth that they would hate me for making him look bad. (that doesn't make sense to me either) My H says if I tell the kids the truth about his unfaithfulness that they will always hold a grudge against me for staying in a marriage with a cheater. Honestly, I don't care what he says. He did this, not me. I was not the one who cheated. But for the kids though, they deserve the truth, right? I know it will be so hard on them but it is best to be upfront with them, right? We have 2 teenage boys, a 6 year old girl and my H has a 16 year old daughter from a relationship before me.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

It's a toughie when kids are involved for sure, as you know my eldest knows all from being a sneaky little poop and eavesdropping, the middle one knows that recently dad was continuing talking to another person the way married people shouldn't talk, (she knows mom was guilty of it as well), the youngest, I just said daddy is confused right now, we are having problems.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

It is highly recommended you tell your children the truth, 

Extract below:



> "Everyone should know what happened -- children, relatives, friends, and especially the children"
> 
> Even if you are divorcing tell your children the truth. Don't forewarn your wife, have the script written down, at the last moment say to your wife you are sitting down together and tell your kids.
> 
> ...






> H tells me not to do this. He says he will take the blame but he says that they do not need to know what really happened. My H says if I tell the kids the truth that they would hate me for making him look bad. (that doesn't make sense to me either) My H says if I tell the kids the truth about his unfaithfulness that they will always hold a grudge against me for staying in a marriage with a cheater.


He is controlling and does not want to be the bad boy, he is an adulterer, if he has any respect for you and your children he would not be hiding the truth and he certainly would not be having an affair.

Tell them soon, do not wait for a divorce, they deserve to know where they stand and will make their own mind up about their father, do not let him manipulate you, he appears to be doing a fine job of keeping you in a box. Climb out, think of yourself and your family, if he comes back he returns on your marriage terms.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Husband is full of it. The children will hate him with a fury for his cheating on you.


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## TwyztedChyck (Sep 11, 2010)

I don't think kids (even teens) have the emotional maturity to process these things. It can lead to self-blame. What purpose could it serve? Just so they 'know'? Why do they have to 'know'? Children shouldn't be your therapist or your sounding board. They're still fragile, innocent.

I agree an affair is an attack on the family, but during an attack you should shield and protect your children, not take their hand and walk them onto the battlefield.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I can see both sides of the fence here.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

sitting here feeling totally crushed right now. He came home from work early because he is not feeling well. And I practically begged him to stay with me. I told him I wanted to at least try counseling and to give it at least 5 or 6 sessions. If it didnt work out, at least we tried. He didnt disagree to MC but he didnt agree to it either. He did say he didnt trust himself not to do it to me again. I thought that was more of a cop-out that standing up and doing the right thing. He said he didnt deserve me. I told him no he did not. I told him he was a horrible husband but in spite of all that, I still loved him and I wanted our marriage. I am so crushed right now. I want my marriage, my family and my husband so bad. He made the mistake. He committed the crime. He knows he did wrong and even when given the chance to make amends, he'd still rather walk away? Why! I'm a good wife to him. So why am I not worth fighting for? Why is "just a friend" more important to him? (I did not once mention "just a friend" but he did say there were certain things he wasnt willing to give up. I imagine that's what he meant?) And why am I so bound and determined to hold onto a lying piece sh$t of a man who has no respect for me! WTH is wrong with me! How do I muster up the strength to just walk away already?


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

it's hard girl, you are worth fighting for, I will call ya later. We are so in the same place right now, our "scheduled" talk tonight is cancelled by him, cuz he's been up since 2am, that should go interesting. Btw, I didn't cancel it, he did. There is nothing wrong with you, it's all him at this point. You are in the same boat as I am, we both love our spouses, and he is about three feet away from me lol, we have kids, mutual interests, property, history, etc.....I get that girl.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> *And I practically begged him to stay with me*. I told him I wanted to at least try counseling and to give it at least 5 or 6 sessions. If it didnt work out, at least we tried. He didnt disagree to MC but he didnt agree to it either. *He did say he didnt trust himself not to do it to me again*. I thought that was more of a cop-out that standing up and doing the right thing. He said he didnt deserve me.


He doesn't deserve you. Not when he can't commit to you. He is telling you straight up he will do it again, since he can't rust himself not to, isn't committing to MC which would HELP your marriage an dknows he's wrong which is why he says and knows you deserve better.

Let him go. 

If you have some time, get the book "Love Must Be Tough." The longer you let him have his cake and eat it too, the worse for you and your marriage. Know that.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Apple he behaves like this because you allow him, he knows you are desperate and willing to beg , he likes this and takes pleasure from it. Time to put on your selfish image and look after yourself and your children. 

You asked about telling your children, in the end it is your decision , the truth will come out and you will be equally to blame for covering the lie. Tell your children the truth, it is not going to harm your husband as he does not care for you. Showing some backbone and change tact where he does not control the outcome , it allows you to make decisions not him furthermore if the OW and him get together do you really want your children calling her mom. Slam the door closed , give them her name and if you have a picture show them, explain to them why adultery is wrong, the start of honesty is with your children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

My husband is involved in a relationship with a woman he has so often called just a friend that I have now nicknamed her "just a friend" I know his relationship with her is emotional but I do not know if it has ever gone further. What is so special about "just a friend" that my H is willing to walk away from 15 years together? What is so great about "just a friend" that my H is willing to see his kids only every other weekend? What is so magical about "just a friend" that my H is willing to lose up to 60% of his paychecks to me? What is so wonderful about "just a friend" that my H would choose her over us? What is it about "just a friend"?

I'm headed out to my lawyers appointment now. Will update when I get back.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

"Just a friend" doesn't matter, Apple.

What matters is that you find your self-respect and dignity and walk away from someone who has no respect for you. 

Stop giving this man all your power. 

Good luck at the lawyer's.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

spoke with lawyer. If we both agree to things, then the divorce can go fairly easy and it can be done and over with in a few weeks. Within 5 minutes of me leaving lawyers office, my H was texting me wanting to know how things went. I just told him "fine". I dont even want to think about him right now.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

First, thank you so much everyone for all the thoughts and prayers. I did have strength today. Still, it was all very hard. I told the lawyer that my H and I have agreed to be as agreeable as possible for we just want to get this done and over with (well, my H does anyways. I dont) Lawyer said as long as are in agreement, then we could file right away and get it done within a few weeks. My H was texting me within 5 minutes of me leaving the lawyers office wanting to know how it went. I just told him fine. I did not tell him how he will soon be out on his butt with no place to live as the lawyer said the judge would most likely grant me exclusive use of the house. That would mean he would have to be out immediantley.Not 30 days, but immediantley. But, I figured this is what my H wanted. I offered him a chance to reconcile. This is what he chose and when he has no place to live and 60% of his paycheck is missing, he can be happy knowing that it was all part of what he wanted.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> He doesn't deserve you. Not when he can't commit to you. He is telling you straight up he will do it again, since he can't rust himself not to, isn't committing to MC which would HELP your marriage an dknows he's wrong which is why he says and knows you deserve better.
> 
> Let him go.
> 
> If you have some time, get the book "Love Must Be Tough." The longer you let him have his cake and eat it too, the worse for you and your marriage. Know that.


I went out today and brought the book "Love must be tough" Going to sit down and start reading soon. Have you applied any of the tough love? How did it work for you?


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

good for you girl


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