# So far, "man up" has worked!



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Still going strong and husband is very affectionate, still. Last night we climbed into bed early and he turned towards me and he just gazed into my eyes for over a minute, smiling and then came over and embraced me fully. I was in total shock! He embraced me (we embraced) for like 5 minutes. Then he snuggled up to sleep holding onto me. Previously when things were "good" he would just snuggle up without all the embracing and gazing and smiling prior to the sleep embrace. It may not sound like much... but husband hasnt made any gestures like this since we were dating and he was enamoured with me.

Last night was almost a bigger step forward than actually having regular/frequent sex... I cant believe Im saying that, but it was so loving last night...
:yay:


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

:smthumbup:

Keep it up, woman! Good for you!


----------



## Mr_brown (Oct 17, 2011)

Are you manning up or your husband?


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

She is using the thermostat method. She stated in another thread that she is the hot spouse constantly seeking affection and her husband is the cool spouse who rarely gives it.

She has cooled off and he seems to have heated up. That's nice to see.


----------



## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I may have missed another post, but what have you done to get this response?


----------



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Thanks! I will keep it up (so my husband will keep it up too)

Romantic Guy: I say combo Thermostat and man up bc this was my last attempt before accepting a stale marriage (and perhaps having affair to keep my sanity) so I went all out. I stopped pursuing for anything... kisses, hugs, phone calls, txts, emails, conversation, talking about relationship, asking him to work on marriage with me. To initiate this, I simply said Im done asking you to join me in the marriage.... the ball is in your court. I went silent and then the next morning didnt run up to say goodbye to him when he didnt say goodbye to me, didnt txt him when he didnt txt me at his usual time, didnt clean, grocery shop, or get any dinner ready.... sat and watched Two and a Half Men and laughed out loud just like one of the guys! The theory is to not provide for your spouses those "needs" they have that are non-sexual when they arent providing your own sexual needs. I was too afraid to try it before bc I was afraid of less sex.... but really? Going from less than once a month (or if I was lucky every 2 weeks... yay) to nothing at all wasnt much of a loss.

I got over my resentment at having to pretend that he means nothing to me (bc that is how he is treating me when he ignores my needs). The thermostat method says that by cooling off like this, he is allowed to warm up to me (which initially wouldnt have worked for me bc I was so mad at being where we are period). The man up method says that you dont provide your spouse with their needs if they arent providing yours. 

You have to go into this telling yourself that you arent doing anything unfair, and you arent doing anything that isnt already being done to you (but expressed in a different format). If you can grasp those 2 things, and get up the courage... you are ready!


----------



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Romantic Guy: 1 Corinthians 7:2.... on your homepage is so true and so rare these days... if marrieds lived that way we wouldnt need man up or thermostat methods.....


----------



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Mr_brown said:


> Are you manning up or your husband?


I am manning up


----------



## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

toolate said:


> Romantic Guy: 1 Corinthians 7:2.... on your homepage is so true and so rare these days... if marrieds lived that way we wouldnt need man up or thermostat methods.....


Hey...thanks!! I can't say we are like this 100% of the time, but we try. I really want to hear the outcome of your method, so please keep us (or me by PM) posted. So far, it sounds great.:smthumbup:


----------



## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

toolate said:


> I am manning up


The more I learn about "manning-up" the more I think it should be renamed to a more gender neutral term.

Good on you, btw


----------

