# How old is old enough for the Birds and the Bees speech?



## Mom#2Bliss

I was at a one year olds birthday party this past weekend, and all the women were chatting about babies. My 7 year old boy asked me "How are babies made in a girl?" Oh boy! Obviously this is too young for me to explain right? I told him babies grow from an egg inside of a woman, and that when two people love each other very much, and they get together, they can make a baby.. he said "But how?" I told him it was a conversation I would have with him when he was a bit older. 

How old is old enough for this conversation? :scratchhead:


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## Mom6547

Mom#2Bliss said:


> I was at a one year olds birthday party this past weekend, and all the women were chatting about babies. My 7 year old boy asked me "How are babies made in a girl?" Oh boy! Obviously this is too young for me to explain right? I told him babies grow from an egg inside of a woman, and that when two people love each other very much, and they get together, they can make a baby.. he said "But how?" I told him it was a conversation I would have with him when he was a bit older.
> 
> How old is old enough for this conversation? :scratchhead:


He asked. It is not too young. Keep it where he wants to know. Simple and straight to the point. Clear and honest. And lest you are unaware, love has nothing to do with making babies. People need to know this so that they don't accidentally make babies thinking somehow love is involved in biology.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Take him to the pet store and let him watch the gerbils.
Ohhhhh, the drama when our convent school on top of allowing boys in as day students, got a male science teacher who had the gall to acquire a male and female gerbil. :-o

My kids have chickens and at age 10 and 7 they understand mating. It's a little less traumatic since the male parts aren't so scary and gerbils and chickens are less drama queens than say the big cats at the zoo. Or as weird as dogs.


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## Mom#2Bliss

Thank you Homemaker #1 the animal thing might help him understand, and him seeing animals mate would be less traumatic I think than trying to explain the human way. Gosh I guess because he is the youngest, my baby...I feel like he's too young. 

Thank you Mom6547, and I'm completely aware that love has nothing to do with actually making a baby. However, it is our belief that 2 people should be in love before having sex, and definately before conceiving a child. Therefore, I want him to understand there should be a relationship preferably marriage before making a baby. Our belief, maybe not yours, and either one is ok.


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## BigToe

There's no reason for details until at least, puberty. You probably tell your kids little white lies about the easter bunny and Santa, so it certainly can't hurt to let kids keep their innocence and tell them little white lies about pregnancy.

Just make something up that satisfies him.


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## Mom6547

Mom#2Bliss said:


> Thank you Homemaker #1 the animal thing might help him understand, and him seeing animals mate would be less traumatic I think than trying to explain the human way. Gosh I guess because he is the youngest, my baby...I feel like he's too young.
> 
> Thank you Mom6547, and I'm completely aware that love has nothing to do with actually making a baby.


I was poking fun. I hope I did not offend.



> However, it is our belief that 2 people should be in love before having sex, and definately before conceiving a child.


That is a decent belief. I remember growing up with the same beliefs. ANd having friends who did not understand the relationship between love and babies! That was a dangerous combination of lack of understanding! So I guess my only worry would be that he be educated on accurate biology AND your beliefs. 



> Therefore, I want him to understand there should be a relationship preferably marriage before making a baby. Our belief, maybe not yours, and either one is ok.


I did not intend to criticize your belief.


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## Mom6547

BigToe said:


> There's no reason for details until at least, puberty.


This brings up a thought I have had for a while now. Why are we, as a society, reticent to educate our kids about sexuality? It seems to me that that lack of education educates by default. That sexuality is somehow bad, Needs to be hidden. Isn't discussed. Kids are not dumb. They know.

Oh OP, there is a good set of books. It's Not the Stork and It's So Amazing. 



> You probably tell your kids little white lies about the easter bunny and Santa, so it certainly can't hurt to let kids keep their innocence and tell them little white lies about pregnancy.
> 
> Just make something up that satisfies him.


I disagree with this so much. All that will get you is a reputation with your kid as unreliable. Keeping mum about the Easter bunny and lying about human sexuality. Not on the same plane. 

Better would be to just limit what you say. He probably does not even WANT big detail right now. Watch him for what he is receptive to hearing.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

My younger foster sister was 7 and I was 18, we were driving to church with foster family and she asked why God was giving M* a baby if only married people had babies and M* wasn't married. My foster parents asked me to handle that one. It took a few days of her asking questions and me answering. Finally I saw a click. She realized that she would be in control of this issue when she got older. 

My other foster sister had an issue with anorexia some years later...I was home on leave. Foster mom did not know what to do. I finally sat down foster sister who at that time wanted to have children when she got older and explained about the long-term effects of depriving your body of nutrients and calories, on existing structures such as blood vessels, uterus, ovaries, bones, ligaments, etc. She started eating again. 

Your child trusts you to give him information. This is why he asked so soon. You are doing a great job as a parent if your child can ask you these questions it shows he is in a healthy environment. Right now his energy is going into growing up so you can also ask him to trust you when you tell him that as he grows he will feel the things that he needs to feel to understand fully how babies are made and raised. The way he trusts you and feels your love for him, he will be able to give to his own children if he chooses to have them, and that is part of how babies are made. When you can trust and give to another person that you love. It's okay to tell him it's complicated and that adults don't always get it right which is why it is good he came to you rather than relying on what he sees or hears from friends or in movies, books, etc. That some sources of information aren't the best, while some are very good.


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## meson

I agree with the other posters. If they are asking questions they are old enough for some answers. The other point to consider is if they are mature enough to handle the info. Some kids are so proud of knowledge that they will declare it in inappropriate places. Some people just don't want to address sex and having a kid openly say a baby comes out of a vagina in Church is offensive to many.So when we got to the details sometimes we witheld a bit until the next talk. Then we would also talk about when it is appropriate to discuss it. And this wasn't just a one time discussion we would repeat it every so often so that it became comfortable knowledge. What worked for us was using pictures from the book, _A Child Is Born _by Lennart Nilsson. Pictures really engage kids and it helps change the focus from just sex to the whole picture of the development of a baby.


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## Mom#2Bliss

Wow some really good points. Thank you all. Mom6547, no offense taken =)
I guess I was just so unprepared at his age for that question. I believe he was satisfied with the answer, as I did not lie. I told him enough, and told him I would explain it better when he was older. 

Thank you again for your thoughts, it is much appreciated.


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## BigToe

Mom6547 said:


> This brings up a thought I have had for a while now. Why are we, as a society, reticent to educate our kids about sexuality? It seems to me that that lack of education educates by default. That sexuality is somehow bad, Needs to be hidden. Isn't discussed. Kids are not dumb. They know.


Why must they know? What is a seven year old going to do with the information? They cannot possibly act on it or even discuss it maturely. They likely could not relay it to another seven year old accurately. There's no point.

Suggesting that not telling a seven year old about sex indicates that sex is somehow bad or needs to be hidden is illogical because a seven year old wouldn't know the difference. I see absolutely no difference between telling a seven year old that there is a bunny which delivers chocolate and candies on Easter morning, and that babies come from storks or get into their mothers tummies just by their mothers wishing for it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Big Toe. In some areas children are present at their mother's home births or hospital births. Children talk, and children listen, to each other. When my now 20 year old went to boys' camp at age 10, I sent a copy of the My Body My Self Book for Boys with him, mostly so that he could keep it on hand to settle arguments about what was accurate and what was not.

It is good for children to know about sex when they ask.
This makes them feel safe. We teach children about keeping parts of their bodies private. Telling them this - and of course they know that there is danger involved because otherwise we wouldn't bother - can be scary. Giving them accurate information without being unnecessarily explicit is important. They do need to understand about predatory behavior and loving respectful behavior and for some people also exploratory behavior (depending on religious and cultural preferences of the parent). They need to know this information so that they can own it and feel like they are in control of what is going on, adolescence is scary. You can't wait until the first nocturnal emission or a girls' period to start this education, in my opinion. 

Emotional education and self-esteem and knowledge and a feeling of understanding about one's body is not really something that is on par with the Easter Bunny or Santa Clause.

The Grimm Brothers actually give a lot of useful information about predators vs. true love. A lot of people shun these traditional stories because of the knight in shining armor and damsel in distress themes. But I don't think it's like that at all.


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## SimplyAmorous

I am the type of Mom what will answer everythnig and anything if they ask. I may even to guitly of giving "too much information" for their age. But in the whole scheme of things, I feel this is better than avoiding communication on any of these more controverisal subjects. 

I am not one of those parents who go "Sssshhhhh the children are in the room", they just kind of grow up hearing it all . So far so good.

My husband was raised like that, I can't say it did him any favors.


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## Mom6547

BigToe said:


> Why must they know? What is a seven year old going to do with the information?


Learn about their world. That is their job at 7.



> They cannot possibly act on it or even discuss it maturely.


Why not? I just had a conversation with my 7yo daughter last night about reproduction. They learn about plant reproduction, bird reproduction and all manner of living things' reproduction in school. We are mammals. We reproduce in the same way as all mammals. 

A seven year old who is spoken to like an intelligent life form will act like an intelligent life form. 




> They likely could not relay it to another seven year old accurately. There's no point.
> 
> Suggesting that not telling a seven year old about sex indicates that sex is somehow bad or needs to be hidden is illogical because a seven year old wouldn't know the difference.


Oh yes they would. They can begin piecing the puzzle together at a young age. My seven year old has seen the Transformer movies. 

If the topic is treated with avoidance, then over time they will have to come to the conclusion that there is something bad about it otherwise you would be right up front about it.





> I see absolutely no difference between telling a seven year old that there is a bunny which delivers chocolate and candies on Easter morning, and that babies come from storks or get into their mothers tummies just by their mothers wishing for it.


I can't imagine why you would bother telling them that lie when there is nothing wrong with the truth. THEY will understand the difference between a pretty fantasy that we allow them to think for their own fun and a down right lie. There is nothing pretty or fantastical about a stork.


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## Mom6547

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Children talk, and children listen, to each other. When my now 20 year old went to boys' camp at age 10, I sent a copy of the My Body My Self Book for Boys with him, mostly so that he could keep it on hand to settle arguments about what was accurate and what was not.


This makes me think of two good points. One is that we have spoken to the kids as has their pediatrician about the misinformation one can get from other kids. That kids, just like them, may not know or understand everything and that Mom and Dad, their health teacher and the docs are decent sources for truthful and accurate information. This is a good thing to share with kids.

The second point is that 7 is older than some might think. At 7 my son was waking up with morning erections. My now 7yo daughter has experienced pleasure in the shower. 7 is three short years from 10. My now 10yo has pubic hair and BO. Stops to look at girls' pictures in magazines when he is reading. Has a crush on a girl summer camp.

Do I confuse them with happy horse****? Or do I arm them with knowledge? I personally choose the latter.


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## madimoff

Mom6547 speaks a lot of truth; maybe the issue is slightly clouded when two parents have differing views on spirituality, but that's about the only reason - plus of course the embarrassment quotient - for keeping the whole truth from them. 
I favour a book but unfortunately it's got lost since my elder two needed it and now 9yo could do with it round the house and I've not the slightest memory of its name or author or anything. Among other clear text in simple vocabulary (though not avoiding the real names - I hate when people take that approach), it had a very accurate but not scary description of orgasm as being like a huge pleasurable tickle (which might explain some of the night time whoops and yelps he's heard )


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## Mom6547

madimoff said:


> Mom6547 speaks a lot of truth; maybe the issue is slightly clouded when two parents have differing views on spirituality, but that's about the only reason - plus of course the embarrassment quotient - for keeping the whole truth from them.


What embarrassment factor? The "embarrassment factor" is something I think specifically should be avoided. If there is such a factor, the kids might not be willing to come and speak to the parent with questions. 



> I favour a book but unfortunately it's got lost since my elder two needed it and now 9yo could do with it round the house and I've not the slightest memory of its name or author or anything. Among other clear text in simple vocabulary (though not avoiding the real names - I hate when people take that approach), it had a very accurate but not scary description of orgasm as being like a huge pleasurable tickle (which might explain some of the night time whoops and yelps he's heard )


I remember being at the pediatrician with my DD. He was examining her and needed to look at her vagina. He looked at me and said what word do you use for vagina. I said "vagina". I cannot understand what is wrong with using the correct word for body parts. Do you use a fake word for arm? They are going to learn the right word in biology class soon enough.


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## Runs like Dog

How old? Any age. Your answer depends on their ability to understand their own question and your answer. Obviously a 4 year old hears and says differently from a 7 year old. Anyway, what difference does it make either way unless you're planning on lying to them.


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## LonelyNLost

Well, I'm a teacher and the school district dictates that students receive this as part of the curriculum. In 4th grade (so 9-10 years old) they learn about puberty and the differences between girls and boys. And in 5th grade (10-11) they get the sexual intercourse speech. It's very straightforward, "The man and woman get aroused, the penis becomes hard, and is inserted in the vagina. Sperm is then ejaculated out and the egg becomes fertilized." They also get a talk about diseases and AIDS. I think this is probably when most of them go home and have the discussion with their parents. My son just turned 9, and I'll probably be having this conversation with him this year, as he inadvertently discovered porn not long ago on the computer. And he's starting to like girls.


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## Riverside MFT

BigToe said:


> Why must they know? What is a seven year old going to do with the information? They cannot possibly act on it or even discuss it maturely. They likely could not relay it to another seven year old accurately. There's no point.


Would you rather have them find out these questions from their friends or the internet? As a parent, I would rather answer my children's questions than have them find out from an unreliable source.

By age 2, children should know the appropriate names of their own body parts and their basic functions.

By age 4, it is okay to let children know about the body parts of the opposite sex.

By age 7-9, they are capable of comprehending basic sexual relations between a husband and wife. 

If they ask questions, answer them. Be direct when responding (I love Mom6547's responses). If they ask a question like "Where do babies come from, you tell them
'Babies are made from when a daddy puts his penis into a mommy's vagina and releases something called sperm into her. The sperm travel up the woman's vagina to an egg that the woman has released. When the sperm and the egg meet, they join and start creating a baby inside a mommy's belly.'

We do not need to be uncomfortable with talking to our children about sex especially if they are comfortable in asking us.


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## Mom#2Bliss

Thank you all. 

I think I may sit both my boys (age 7 & 8) down this weekend and address this issue again with a little more information then I gave the first time. 

Like I said, I guess I just wasn't exactly ready for the question although I should have been. In addition to being at a birthday party with a ton of people around. 

Your responses have given me a good direction to head. Thank you again.


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## Mom6547

If you need help there is a good book called It's So Amazing. 

Amazon.com: It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (The Family Library) (9780763613211): Robie H. Harris, Michael Emberley: Books


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## incognitoman

Kid asks, 'Dad What's sex?', father started the birds and bees story and then he asked, 'Where did you hear that?' and the kid replied, 'Mom said, dinner will be ready in a few secs'


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## BigToe

Riverside MFT said:


> Would you rather have them find out these questions from their friends or the internet? As a parent, I would rather answer my children's questions than have them find out from an unreliable source.
> 
> By age 2, children should know the appropriate names of their own body parts and their basic functions.
> 
> By age 4, it is okay to let children know about the body parts of the opposite sex.
> 
> By age 7-9, they are capable of comprehending basic sexual relations between a husband and wife.
> 
> If they ask questions, answer them. Be direct when responding (I love Mom6547's responses). If they ask a question like "Where do babies come from, you tell them
> 'Babies are made from when a daddy puts his penis into a mommy's vagina and releases something called sperm into her. The sperm travel up the woman's vagina to an egg that the woman has released. When the sperm and the egg meet, they join and start creating a baby inside a mommy's belly.'
> 
> We do not need to be uncomfortable with talking to our children about sex especially if they are comfortable in asking us.


Riverside, I usually enjoy reading your comments and suggestions but this one is pure Bu!!sh!t.


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## Mom6547

BigToe said:


> Riverside, I usually enjoy reading your comments and suggestions but this one is pure Bu!!sh!t.


I am curious if you are willing to be specific as to what is bull****? Thanks.


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## turnera

BigToe said:


> There's no reason for details until at least, puberty. You probably tell your kids little white lies about the easter bunny and Santa, so it certainly can't hurt to let kids keep their innocence and tell them little white lies about pregnancy.
> 
> Just make something up that satisfies him.


Hah!

I've watched 11 year olds making out with their tongues down each other's throats!

When? No later than 10, tops.


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## turnera

Riverside is correct. I watched it firsthand. We told our DD20 the truth, and early. Made it matter of fact. We also then backed it up with a LOT of logic. "Kids in junior high can do it, but should they? There are a lot of consequences, including getting caught and getting detention, having to quit school and lose your friends if you get pregnant, not getting to be a doctor like you wanted because you had to give up college because it was too hard to balance that and a baby, getting gross diseases, having to lie to people, having kids call you names...all kind of things MIGHT happen. Do you think it would be worth it?" And then step back and let them decide.

If you try to force abstinence on them, they just learn to lie, sneak, and keep secrets. Show them why it's a bad idea and let them come to it on their own.

DD20's friends who had uptight parents, on the other hand, some of them we were having to peel apart in the shower area of our public pool during one of DD's birthday parties. This guy's girl smashed a cupcake on her breasts and told her 12 year old boyfriend to lick it off, and he WAS, until we stopped it!

Being honest and not making it a big deal but showing them why it's best left for after high school is the best gift you can give them.


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## Riverside MFT

BigToe said:


> Riverside, I usually enjoy reading your comments and suggestions but this one is pure **** ****.


I appreciate the feedback. I just know from my experiences as a parent, a therapist, and from research that if we as parents are uncomfortable talking about our sexuality with our children, then they could have a tendency to mirror those same feelings they see in us.


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## Mom6547

Riverside MFT said:


> I appreciate the feedback. I just know from my experiences as a parent, a therapist, and from research that if we as parents are uncomfortable talking about our sexuality with our children, then they could have a tendency to mirror those same feelings they see in us.


I want my kids to feel safe and comfortable coming to ME with their issues. Not their peers!


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## turnera

Yep. I've have ALWAYS been completely honest with my DD20 about it all. I taught her that she can tell me anything and I will never judge her - that is the BIG one. She tested me a couple of times, not believing that I wouldn't judge her. I didn't. Now, she tells me EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. The other day I noticed something and said 'Is that a hickey?' and she just answered, irritated, 'yes.' Not out of embarrassment - she knows I don't judge; just advise. She was mad at the guy for doing it. 

I taught her not to have sex just to do it, to wait for the right guy so it wouldn't be a bad memory. She's a month shy of 21 and still a virgin. Yes, she's picky, lol. But she tells everyone she is, not out of pride, but out of logic: Don't date me if you think you're gonna get sex, because it will have to be the right guy. Won't waste her time on guys who just want sex. And this is because she adopted my views and feels comfortable coming to me for everything.


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## turnera

Agree. That's why it's good to educate yourself on what a child actually understands, at each age.


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