# Do cheaters try to come back.



## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

Question for all those who are farther down the road than I am..

Did you cheater try to come back? I ask for a couple of reasons. for myself, as i have put in my other post, if she does i want to be prepared and not put into the FOG again...and two, as several threads have been devoted to, cheating effects both the WS and BS and both seem to follow a script. Is this something i should be prepared for. I am interested in hearing your stories, your triumphs and failures. i think we are all here to heal and learn, and i hope that like me, listening to others will help others learn.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Mine did. He left me back in 2003 for a skuzzy. Then he came back in 2005, and I took him back. We stayed together until April 2011, when found out he had more skuzzies. He had 3 in the last 8 months of our marriage. So, I divorced him. It's been almost 6 months now since the divorce. He's not once been sorry for what he did. Although there is a part of me that wishes he would want to come back just so I can laugh in his face.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Nope. My ex wife left and never looked back, not even once. 

But it all depends on your situation. But you, as the BS, must ALWAYS be prepared for them not coming back. It's part of the 180.


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

My XWW left me and served me with D papers. 8 months later, she wanted to come back home. During our meeting at this nice Thai restaurant, I told her no and she started sobbing. Boy, it was embarassing with everyone around us wondering WTH was going on.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I doubt my x will look back, though I did anticipate for a little while she may, possibly even in the near future, however I have already chosen that R is not an option for me (I would always feel like less than #1). Today we made a few decisions about our child for the holidays and such, and after she texted something like "yay look at us be good coparents" and it just made me shake my head, so disappointed with her choices particularly leaving and cuasing us to have to "co-parent" in the first place - I would so rather both of us be in my child's life EVERY DAY, not just some 50/50 split. She sees it as a win-win somehow, what an idiot.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

many try to come back

the real questions are-

do you really want them back?
and will the cheater do what's needed to atone and heal the marriage?


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Mine did, 3 times (3 months gone then 6 months false R, 6 weeks gone then 5 weeks false R, then 4 months gone and almost 3 years actual R). Move in with the OM twice. Each time she left she said it was over for good and couldn't see how it would ever work out between us. She wasn't very smart but they never are in these situations.

Of course how smart was I taking her back?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

ArmyofJuan said:


> Mine did, 3 times (3 months gone then 6 months false R, 6 weeks gone then 5 weeks false R, then 4 months gone and almost 3 years actual R). Move in with the OM twice. Each time she left she said it was over for good and couldn't see how it would ever work out between us. She wasn't very smart but they never are in these situations.
> 
> Of course how smart was I taking her back?


You ought to start a thread on what happened.


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## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

Do cheaters try to come back? ...

well, speaking for my situation only ...

"God, I hope not!!"

WH will not be welcome. He is a really nice guy, and has been a great Dad - and still is - and a wonderful husband (for over 40 years - or so I thought ....) but I now have freedom to make my own choices and decisions (unwise or otherwise) ... 

If WH came back he would only erode my self-confidence and self-esteem.

I am now more interested in being "Nana" to my grandson (and soon to be born granddaughter) and to be "Nana Auntie Disconnected" to my sister's five grandchildren (and soon to be born grandson).

(I frequently tell my sister that it is unfair that she has so many grandchildren ... therefore to even things up she has to 'share' her grandkiddies with me. :lol:

So please WH, please -- go and get a high paying job so that OW remains interested in you ... and keep out of my new life. Go and relax on the beach ... as you romantically stated to OW in an 'electronic communication' - which I managed to read. :lol:


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Read the script and commit it to memory. You will be amazed at how sadly predictable it all is. 

The script you have control over is yours, write an original, fresh happy one then live it!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mine did. We're still together 15/16 years later.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

crazyconfused said:


> Question for all those who are farther down the road than I am..
> 
> Did you cheater try to come back? I ask for a couple of reasons. for myself, as i have put in my other post, if she does i want to be prepared and not put into the FOG again...and two, as several threads have been devoted to, cheating effects both the WS and BS and both seem to follow a script. Is this something i should be prepared for. I am interested in hearing your stories, your triumphs and failures. i think we are all here to heal and learn, and i hope that like me, listening to others will help others learn.


crazyconfused, in my case he did come back. He wanted to D me to marry her. It took 2 weeks after his request for a D, and him speaking with someone he respected for him to begin to come out of his fog and come back to his family. He has stumbled around some more with porn and lying, but he is committed to his family and wants to stay married to me. He knows what he did was wrong and went against his core values, and he really doesn't want to be "that" man again.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Woooah how funny 

I've been off tam for almost two weeks dealing with my vstbxw trying to come back !!! after 20 months!

I'll be making a thread in the private about it soon

utterly staggering ............. really has to seen and digested to be believed

(.............no worries - anyone I'm still single !!)


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Headspin said:


> Woooah how funny
> 
> I've been off tam for almost two weeks dealing with my vstbxw trying to come back !!! after 20 months!
> 
> ...


Told you so.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Some do, some don't. It all depends. 

In my case, the grass definitely was NOT greener on the other side.

Now he misses his family, and doesn't get to see our son every day.

Thing is, I don't want him to come back. After 18 mths of wanting to R, now there is no way on this planet I would every want to be with him again. He is not the man I want to be with.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Yeah, mine is trying her little heart out. She's on rotation right now. Lucky to even have a spot on the bench. She's getting some playing time, but probably won't work out anything long term. I might give her the franchise tag one of the days.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Told you so.


 You did at that - you called it on the money


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

My xw has been trying to come back. She couldn't throw our 2 decade marriage away fast enough 
Then partied like a 20 year old college girl until the money ran out. She was looking for a sugar daddy I guess he wasn't at the bar. 

Now that she actually works and has an understanding of what it is like to earn her way. Now she wants to get back together. 

No thanks. Best thing I did was get rid of her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

My stbxww left me, then I found out about the cheating. At first I wanted to try to save my marriage. I said "I will fight". She responded "you will lose". She did want to try and save the marriage, but was sure I would never get past her cheating - hence her leaving. I convinced her I could do it - I would fight for our marriage and work on forgiving her. She started to believe me, and she agreed to reconcile. She then lived in fear every second that I would walk away from her.

Of course she was absolutely right. She knew me better than I knew myself - there was no way I would ever get over it or forgive her.

So? I left her sorry cheating ass. She begged me and physically prevented me from leaving, begged for another chance. I relented, only to get away from her physically, then I ended it for real. She was devastated. I was happy it was over.

I took my power back - by getting her to come back, then ending it myself. Karma's a *****.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I was with my 3 older boys dad for 7 years. I was only 16 when i met him, and fell pregnant at 17. I thought the sun shone out his arse, and i let him treat me like crap to be honest, mainly because i did not want him to leave me and our 3 children. I was under the illusion that my children deserved to have a mother and father, no matter what and wanted to keep the family together, so i put up with so much through the 7 years i was with him.

He used to go out all day, stay out come back, and then the day would start all again him going out, no job, smoked pot all the time.

He would leave when i was out pack his stuff, One day he even nicked our giro when he left, I still took him back when he came home with his tail behind him, god knows if he was cheating all the times he left me, he said he did not, i believed him, what a mug i was.

The last straw was when he was taking a bath and i saw scratch marks on his back, i asked him if he had been seeing someone else he finally admitted he slept with a girl once (yer right).

First time i had actually asked him to leave, instead of him just leaving while i was out.

The sad thing was i used to kind of hope he would ring me, tell me he made a big mistake and he wanted to try again..... he never did....... What a lucky break i had.....

3 years after i met a wonderful man, had 2 more children, hes bringing my boys up as his own, he has a job loves me to bits, and would never cheat on me.

Been married 6 years in april. together for 10 years.

My boys dad still sees them when he feels like it, the oldest who is 18 calls him a legend *sigh* yes some legend..... they just say "hes my dad"..... they see no bad in him.

I am so glad he never wanted to come back, god knows what my life would be like now YIKES.

Who would want a cheater to come back???


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