# Wife says "no words" when starting sex?



## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

Not sure what this means, but a few times now wife has asked for "no words" when I initiate sex.

That seems strange to me because I don't talk a whole lot anyways. The last time the other night, I said something very tame, it was probably my first comment and she asked for no words. She doesn't usually have much to say but it seems strange to me that she would try and stop me from saying anything right off the bat before I have really even said anything?

Is she trying to fantasize about someone else or something and my voice makes that difficult? Or is she just trying to get lost in the moment? I dont' get it - ladies?

And yes, I asked her but she gave me the typical "I don't know, I just felt like it....."


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

One other thing, for the last few months she gets sore immediatly after she orgasms. If we are having penetrative sex, she is alright until she orgasmns then it's very uncomfortable. This pattern has been going on for awhile. She is going to go to the Dr about it but hasn't as of yet...........but she generally is faster to finish than I am so now I am having to try and hurry to finish when, or very quickly after her because she doesn't enjoy it after. Anyone have any thoughts on what it might be?


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

No one has any thoughts regarding this???


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## jinx.reversed (Nov 22, 2010)

as for her not wanting any words.....maybe she needs to concentrate on the moment. some woman get distracted and need the concentration to be able to orgasm. maybe..since she is having the problem you mentioned..if it is getting worse for her she may need to concentrate on the moment a little more.
i know also that some women just DON'T like words while having sex. if you feel you need to say something....maybe you could just try making light noises on her ear? that may also help her have a better experience?
you don't have to answer this....but another thing..is she moist during your intimate times? if she isn't very moist during those times it may also make the experience very painful. some woman need help if their body doesn't produce enough. (that's a reason for sexual gels..they do help.)
oh and...a lot of women will get swollen after some intense sex...but should not be in pain every time. so i do agree that she should see a doctor. there could be an imbalance in her somewhere or an allergic reaction. not sure how true this is but i have actually heard that a woman can have bad reactions to her partners body while having sex..since we all have different chemicals in our bodies..due to our eating habits, things we come in contact with, and/or different lifestyles. something to think about.


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

We have been together for over 10 years and this is a fairly new problem so I don't think it's an alergy or anything. She is generally wet enough, and we will use saliva or KY when needed so I don't believe this is the issue either.

The words thing just seemed strange to me. And it was right at the start, nowhere near orgasm time.......


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## jinx.reversed (Nov 22, 2010)

i understand your frustration then. i have been in my relationship for 13 yrs and married for 10 of those yrs. we have had a few changes in the sexual department over the years. we have also tried a few different things along the way.
i feel that your wife needs to open up to ya about it. things do change...especially our bodies..no matter what age. and since sex is a big part in a marriage...it should be something that you are both comfortable with.
maybe you could ask her if there is anything you can do different to help her be more comfortable during those times? since she doesn't want the words...maybe there is something else she wants you to do?


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

I'd love to hear some woman's take on the "no words" comment? Any takers?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Speaking only for myself, I'm 48yo and as I got a little older, there were times when I had to concentrate a little more or differently in order to get a physical pleasure thing going. So for example, when I was young my bod just "went there"--didn't have to think much at all! In fact there was a distinct lack of thought at times! LOL However, as I got older, I still wanted to enjoy it and was able to enjoy it, but I couldn't also be distracted at the same time. For me, 'A' builds on 'B' which builds to 'C' and if there's a sound or whatever sometimes it can break the thoughts and somewhat stop things and we'd be starting over at 'A'. Of course, the sounds turn me on so it's not sounds that stop me! 

If she has asked you to say "no words" at the start, you may want to ask her if you can do "eye's wide open" sex then and look into each others' eyes. That way you two connect...just not through words/sounds.


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## RJHT (Nov 18, 2010)

Strange for her to say at the beginning....but maybe she was playing around trying to "give orders". I know I like it quite at the start to relax, help my body open up, my mind just enjoy the feeling! Possibly that is what she needed. Now if she said NO SOUND I would be concerned. Also go to the doctor about the pain right away. She could have an infection which won't go away because she hasn't treated for it/ or you are passing it back in forth (like a yeast infection)!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I'll give my personal baggage disclaimer, but after reading your posts, both the 'no words' and discomfort following orgasm set off red flags for me.

Putting this in terms that related to my circumstances, this sounds like when my wife was trying to make the best of circumstances she didn't actually want to be in. It's a control thing.

Stop making her orgasm your priority. If you're having intercourse try just knocking a few out for yourself instead of adding the pressure of getting her there first.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Was she telling to shut up that time or forever more?


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

LOL - no. She just didn't want much talking apparantly. And I know she has been sore down there, a little throughout the day sometimes, at certain times, but particularily after orgasm. She doesn't tell me, or try and stop me but I can tell she is uncomfortable and after inquiring she has filled me in. Now I know, so I look out for it. She has had cysts etc in the past so I don't think she is making it up. 

The "no words" comment is the more confusing for me.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

So put one of those weird ball gags in your mouth-it'll turn her on if she wants to "order" you as one reply said, and you don't have to talk!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

eagleclaw said:


> Not sure what this means, but a few times now wife has asked for "no words" when I initiate sex.
> 
> That seems strange to me because I don't talk a whole lot anyways. The last time the other night, I said something very tame, it was probably my first comment and she asked for no words. She doesn't usually have much to say but it seems strange to me that she would try and stop me from saying anything right off the bat before I have really even said anything?
> 
> ...


I am confused! What does this mean? She tells you not to say anything when you want sex? She is reluctant to have sex? She finds it uncomfortable having sex? 

If I were you, I would ask her affectionately what her feeling is!

If she is uncomfortable having sex physically, then she definitely has to see a doctor.

Does it mean " No words" during sex? 

If it is " no words" during sex, then it is no problem at all. We need to concentrate when we are having sex. When I want to achieve my orgasm, I need it dark and no words. I am thinking horny pictures in my mind, that helps me come faster. My husband doesn't mind what's in my mind, he knows that I create obscene pictures in my mind. As long as I achieve my orgasm, it's all matters.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Maybe the "no words" thing was one of those things that we say in the heat of the moment, that doesn't really mean anything. I wouldn't really worry about it unless she says it every time you have sex.


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

i have no clue man, i love dirty talk, and so does dh...did you two use to talk alot during sex?


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

From time to time. I'm usually the initiator, but sometimes she suprises me. And it's not every time, I think this is the second time she has said it. I guess maybe she just didn't feel like talking and just wanted to enjoy the sensations....


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

eagleclaw said:


> From time to time. I'm usually the initiator, but sometimes she suprises me. And it's not every time, I think this is the second time she has said it. I guess maybe she just didn't feel like talking and just wanted to enjoy the sensations....


I ask my husband not to talk when I am trying to achieve my orgasm, I am enjoying sex and I need to focus. I don't want to be distracted, if I am distracted, it is more difficult for me to come!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I agree with Greenpearl. . .my ex-gf, while good in bed, used to want to "communicate" during sex.

Less talking, more humping.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

I agree. Talking, apart from the odd 'who's your daddy' should be left for the dinner table. Sex is serious business.


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

I didn't mean converation about the contents of our day or anything, I was talking about describing what I was going to do, or how something felt. It was situationally relevent. LOL.


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## jinx.reversed (Nov 22, 2010)

eagleclaw said:


> The "no words" comment is the more confusing for me.





eagleclaw said:


> And it's not every time, I think this is the second time she has said it. I guess maybe she just didn't feel like talking and just wanted to enjoy the sensations....


i am just not understanding what answer you are looking for here. 
have you actually told your wife how you feel about all this? even just about being confused when she tells you not to talk?
you say you are married for many yrs now. is sex not a subject that is easy to talk about with your wife? 

i also don't agree with the other post about just getting off yourself and not worry about your wife. that's not fair. in that case...you really need to sit down and talk to her about it. 
maybe she knows she is going to be in pain and only does it when you want, just to satisfy you?..but then she gets into it anyway? 
i have had that happen before. i have told my husband a couple of time to not worry about me..for him to just do his thing...9 out of 10 times i end up getting into it and enjoying the moment too. but we are also open to trying new things with each other...as your wife may not be?


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

I'm thinking now it was pretty meaningless.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

eagleclaw said:


> I didn't mean converation about the contents of our day or anything, I was talking about describing what I was going to do, or how something felt. It was situationally relevent. LOL.


We always share our feeling after sex, tell each other what he did made me feel great and what I enjoyed a lot. During sex, we only encourage the right thing, if he does something great, I will tell him it feels good, remember it and keep on doing it. 

He is the same. When I give him oral sex, if I do something right, he'll tell me: What you are doing is great, please remember this!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Describing what you're going to do?!?!?
She probably feels like you're her gynecologist!


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

Do you do it in an airline captain's voice?


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## marco100 (Nov 25, 2010)

eagleclaw said:


> I'm thinking now it was pretty meaningless.


When she hears the sound of your voice during sex, it makes it more difficult for her to fantasize that she's doing it with someone else.

Next time she tries to pull this kind of crap, tell her: "O.K. I'm a pretty good impressionist though. Who would you like me to imitate?"


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

Wow it's hard to explain things on here. I'm talking about things like "your so beautiful" or "I love how you feel......" - said softly not in an air captains voice or grover from sesame street - although that would be funny I might do it now.

Marco100 - your comment is what I wondered myself and why I asked the question...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Does it bother men when we are thinking about something obscene in our head? 

It help us achieve orgasms. 

If men don't want women to complain about porn, men shouldn't complain that women want to have some fun in our mind!


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

It doesn't bother me if she fantasizes about something else, occassionally I do as well. But often times my fantasy involves her. I wouldn't like to think she is fantasizing about someone we know, or that she works with.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

eagleclaw said:


> It doesn't bother me if she fantasizes about something else, occassionally I do as well. But often times my fantasy involves her. I wouldn't like to think she is fantasizing about someone we know, or that she works with.


For that part, I really don't know! I don't know who she is thinking about! 

They think about big movie stars! They think about handsome and strong athletes! They think about handsome and influential politicians! 

If she is thinking about some men she knows or you know, I think she will show it, like keep on mentioning this guy's name, and in her words, she shows adoration. 

I don't think about any real person in life. I just create obscene pictures in my mind, that really helps me come fast. If I don't do it, I don't think I am able to come!


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