# Do you think my husband is a woman beater? Am I to blame?



## earthangel

I am now convinced that my husband of 3yrs is an abusive man and that I should be fearful of him. I am ready to file for divorce because of his physical abuse. Of course he says that he is not abusive and that he "didn't mean to hurt me". There have been three incidents during our 4yr relationship that has been physical or almost physical. I am going to try to be as honest as I can with you.

1. Once we were having a big argument about a year and half ago and I got angry and threw a dirty diaper and hit him in the face. He jumped up and drawed back as if he was going to hit me. I was holding our dirty in my arms as this was happening. I put up my feet to block him from getting closer. 

2. Shortly after that incident we got into a big argument and I left and stayed at my mother's house for about a week. The relationship was still tense so I went to the house to start packing clothes because I was going to move out. I had even told him that I was moving in with my exboyfriend. While I was there packing clothes we got into an argument. He was in the hallway bathroom mopping the floor and had the plastic wastebasket sitting in the hallway. I was angry when I walked passed it and I kicked it to the wall shattering it. He cussed me and that made me even more upset. When I made it into the bedroom I pushed his 27" television off the stand onto the floor. It made a loud crash and the screen was faced down on the floor. My husband heard it the crash, ran into the bedroom, and grabbed me by the neck and pushed me against the wall. He didn't choke me but I couldn't move. He told me that I was not going to be there destroying his stuff and live to go move in with my exboyfriend. He then told me to give him the keys to the house because he didn't want me there when he wasn't there because he was afraid that I would be there tearing up more of his things. I would not give him my keys...he forcefully threw me on the bed and pryed the keys from me. My arm was bruised and sore the next day.


3. We eventually separated and have been for almost a year. We still talk daily and still argue just as much or if not more than we did when we lived together. We still do things as a family sometimes. And sometimes I spend the weekend with him at the house. I am positive that he is seeing other people and I have been talking and seeing my exboyfriend since I left my husband. My husband does not know but why should I tell him. We are separated and plus my husband hates him. We have had major problems regarding my exboyfriend since we been married. I have intentionally said things about my exboyfriend to hurt my husband several times. Well a couple of weeks ago while I was spending the weekend with my husband, he found out that I have been talking and texting him the whole time of our separation. I had told my husband in September that I was not seeing or talking to my exboyfriend ever again but my phone records told the truth. I knew he was hurting but he has been seeing other women too. I got tired of lying and admitted to having sex with my exboyfriend in November. At first my husband was calm...and we started to argue and he took his hand and pushed me in my face and then wrapped his arm around my neck. When he pushed my face he forced the inside of my lips against my teeth causing them to bleed. I also had a small bruise of the side of my face that I think was caused by his thumb. The whole ordeal lasted about 5 seconds and afterwards he tearfully apologized for doing it. I couldn't believe that he put his hands on me. I am very afraid of him now and I figure that things will only get worse next time. He says that he never intended to hurt me. He justifies it by saying that he would have punched or slapped me if he wanted to hurt me. He said he pushed my face open handed out of frustration. He also says that he was wrong but that lips are very easy to injure and that I shouldn't base that type of trauma as evidence of intentional injury. He says that he has never been as hurt as he was when I admitted ot having sex with my exboyfriend even though he has had sex with other women. 

Do you think I should file for divorce based on his abuse alone? We had been trying to work things out...thats why I was over his house for the weekend. Do he sound like a woman beater? Do you think I played a significant role in causing these incidents? :scratchhead:


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## draconis

I would say to get the divorce, BOTH of you need anger management. Tell him the next time he lays his hands on you and hurts you, you are calling the police.

draconis


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## Blanca

Ya i think he is physically abusive and you should leave. but i also think you need to get help for your temper, too. im not saying in any way that your actions justify what he did. what he did was abuse and was wrong. you should leave. but at the same time, you need to get a grip on your own life. you'll never have a good relationship if you dont change. you'll run into these problems again and again.


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## honey28

I cannot say that he is a woman beater, but if he is or isn't, you are not to blame for his actions. On the other hand, you definitely have some anger and impulse control issues of your own that need to be worked out. It sounds like when you get angry you display immature and impulsive behavior and he definitely responds in the same manner. You both need to fix those issues b4 someone gets hurt. I don't ever recommend divorce b/c i think that is too serious of an issue for someone who doesn't know you to have a legitimate opinion on, but i will say you both need help. start with yourself and go from there...good luck


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## psychocandy

Sounds like your both as bad as each other.

Just remember, throwing a diaper at his face is also physical abuse.

Let him who is without sin and all that...


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