# My wife thinks I'm cheating...



## DLC9990 (Apr 30, 2012)

She is 6 months pregnant with our second child, and we have a one year old daughter, whom I am deeply in love with as a father. 

Last fall, we had decided to give an open marriage a shot. That didn't end too well when I ended up sleeping with a woman I had found on a dating site. She and I argued for weeks! She would make me feel completely guilty and ashamed of what I had done, even though she was fully aware of what was going on, and she was acting in a very EXTREME manner! After this, we decided to just call it off and get on with our normal lives.

So now, about two weeks ago, she sent me a message on Facebook (although she could have easily approached me in person, which would have been preferred) asking me if I still wanted to be with her, or if I am only with her because she's pregnant, we have a child together, it's easier, etc. Of course, I replied and told her that I do want to be with her, and I even told her in person. She accepted this.

Today, she sent me another FB message wanting to know if I've cheated on her. I replied no. And before she went to bed, she asked me if I still love her, and asked me if I truly love her. I said yes, of course I do. Why the hell would she be asking me something like this? Is it the pregnancy hormones, or is there something going on deeper inside? Because I'm afraid this is going to lead up to another unnecessarily violent argument. And let me just add that I'm not a wife-beater, I have NEVER laid my hands on a woman in any harmful manner whatsoever! The violence during arguments usually comes from her taking things to the next level and being too extreme. The last argument ended with her hitting me in the face, causing my nose to bleed (don't worry, I'm fine). I just want us to be happy, but she continues to ask me these questions and sometimes has the uncanny ability to create an explosive argument out of almost nothing. Everything I have mentioned in this post is not exaggerated in any way, shape or form. I need help! What should I do? I love her but sometimes, I'm not happy with her and she makes me feel more like I'm in a trap than in a marriage! This isn't what marriage should be about at all! Marriage should be about supporting each other and loving one another, not false accusations and control. Please help me! I don't know what to do anymore!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

You should've never went ahead and slept with that other woman. Her insecurities are justified even though she agreed to it. There's nothing you can do really, she's constantly tormented for having ever agreed to this open marriage nonsense.


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## DLC9990 (Apr 30, 2012)

Yeah that makes sense, I guess. I'd divorce her but I'm not putting my children through that. As far as her being tormented by her decision to go through with an open marriage, I'm sure she will get over it eventually. It's pretty much history to me, though she still brings it up here and there. The arguments are getting less frequent as time goes by, though they are still quite nasty. Now that I think about it, I'm sure she'll get over it soon. It's not like it happened years ago or anything. It was actually about eight months ago. Anyways, thanks for the comment. Though you probably didn't think it would help, it actually did, believe it or not. It helped me realize what I've just mentioned and has given me strength to endure this hell, which is the result of a very dumb mistake, until it is finally over. Thank you


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

DLC9990 said:


> Because I'm afraid this is going to lead up to another unnecessarily violent a rgument. And let me just add th at I'm not a wife-beater, I have NE VER laid my hands on a woman in The violence during arguments usually comes from her taking things to the next level and being too extreme. The last argument ended with her hitting me in the face, causing my nose to bleed (don't worry, I'm fine).


Look. The "open marriage" thing was a stupid choice on both your parts. I have a feeling that it was your wife's idea and it backfired on her by making her insecurities worse. Nevertheless, the issue of her physical violence towards you is of serious concern. Just because she's a woman doesn't give her a right to hit you and you tolerate it. The next time she attacks you, call the police to have her arrested and charged with domestic violence. It is inexcusable.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

More fool you for not only wanting an open marriage but going out and having sex with another woman. She is asking you if you love her because of your actions . How about telling her you love her and by your actions show that you do not want an open marriage. Do everything to ensure your marriage is safe.

or move on, D your wife so she can find a trusting partner , my suggestion for you is do not marry again especialy of you think an open marriage is part of being in a trusting loving relationship.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Get couple counselling. She seems to be very insecure. Maybe a wise move would be helping her become more confident in the relationship for a short period of time(More I love you's, complimenting her more, acting more interested in her etc etc ). Look, I am no way excusing her actions and she is definitely in the wrong. But I would say, choose your battles.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Let me ask you something, if the roles had been reversed and it had been she who had slept with another man, would you be fine and not be tormented by it? Can you picture your wife enjoying sex with another man?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Apparently, this "agreement" to have an open marriage was a little one-sided because she obviously wasn't ok with it. She's 6 months pregnant, gaining weight, probably feeling a little insecure and unattractive. If she doesn't know if her husband loves her, maybe you haven't been doing such a great job of showing love. Just step up the tenderness and romance a little. As far as the violent arguments, only the insane argue with themselves. When you see it start getting too loud or animated, tell her you need to take a break but agree to continue the discussion after both of you have calmed down. I'd make very sure that hitting wouldn't be tolerated.


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## DLC9990 (Apr 30, 2012)

This is our first marriage. And no, we are no longer in an open relationship. We called that off after the first incident.


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## DLC9990 (Apr 30, 2012)

Morituri, I have caught her on sex sites many times, and yet I don't yell at her over it or anything of the like. Yet she continues to occasionally bring this issue up, sometimes resulting in an argument. During the time we were in an open relationship, I was fully aware that she would be sleeping with other men and I was fine with that as long as I didn't dwell on the fact. I can control my thoughts when necessary. And yes, I am fully aware that the decision to engage an open relationship was extremely foolish on both of our parts.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Who's idea was it, the open relationship? Did she sleep with other men too?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Is she still checking dating sites?


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## DLC9990 (Apr 30, 2012)

She had been thinking about it for awhile, I thought it would be best to preserve our marriage beings that she was always on dating sites. So we both came up with the idea. And no, she didn't sleep with other men. This only lasted like three weeks and when I slept with another woman she suddenly blew up as if I were having some secret affair behind her back, as if I were planning on leaving her or something.


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## DLC9990 (Apr 30, 2012)

Oh and yes, she's still on dating sites. I found one of her sites still logged in. There were plenty of recent messages from other guys and gals (she's bi)


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

She's gonna get you back if she gets the chance.


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## DLC9990 (Apr 30, 2012)

Yeah I kinda figured that one myself there


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Sounds like she wanted a one sided open marriage for her benefit but wanted you to remain monogamous to her. She wants you to be a cuckold husband while she sleeps with other men. Is this the kind of woman you want for a wife?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She is projecting big time. Why is she still on dating sites?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Projection is thy name


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I think I need counseling just reading about your situation. The two of you have complicated the heck out of your lives.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There's a big difference between fantasizing about having affairs and actually having one. I watch football but I have no desire to be tackled. Maybe she's content to window shop but she's not a buyer.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Consider doing paternity tests on your children, they might not be yours.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What kind of sex sites is she going to? It sounds like what she is doing is looking for sex partners. Is she having online sex? Thats cheating. How do you know she isn't having an EA?


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