# Am I the Screwed up child?



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

So, my little brother turned 16 today...and like I always do, I called to wish him a happy birthday..upon this phone call, I hear my mom in the background "you can tell her if you want too" .. so curious me.. i ask "tell me what?" .. My mom and dad are takin him to 6 Flags in Atlanta for his birthday.. leaven at 5 in the mornin...so naturally this bothers me. When I turned 16 I they didnt take me to places like that... all i got was a grilled burger and a piece of cake... My brother was workin "under the table" at 14.. been "dating" since he was 14.. already has 2 trucks but no license..still drives tho.. NEVER did they take me places for any of my birthdays, they didnt buy me a car, didnt buy me a cell phone, i wasnt allowed to date at 14, hell i couldnt even go to the movies with some girlfriends after i turned 16.. 

So all I can do is ask myself... Am I the f*ck up and he's the golden child? My mom rags me for how I live..but yet, I remember growin up we didnt know if we were gonna have a home one day or be on the streets the next..but yet Im wrong and married to a man that she cant stand, both my mom and dad rag on him about his job and about the house we live in.

What is it he done, that i didnt do.. He's got more now then I ever had at his age... My hubby said not to let it bother me, but it does.. I just feel like I was the screw up and he's the greats child ever. He's never wrong..but yet everything i do is a f*ck up... just depressed, so its so long.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Actually Amberlynn...you may come to find (in time) that you were the luckier child. Kids who grow up with boundaries, who's parents don't let them do whatever they want, whenever they want, illegal or not tend to grow up as adults who understand the rules, and how to get by successfully in a world full of them. He on the other hand may grow up expecting that the rules apply to everyone but him, and will go running back home when life hands him a healthy dose of reality....Mom and Dad may have a 30 something son living in their basement so he doesn't have to face the world.

Hold your head up! Your life is your own and you don't have to have your parents approval of it for it to be a happy one.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

When we are confronted with parents we don't realize are screwed up we children tend to turn the blame inward on ourselves, hence the title of your post.

It is them sweetie, not you. It also is *not* your brother, it is his birth order....they are in different time and place with your younger sibs than they were with you.

In addition, on a fairly regular basis a few times a year I will hear my 33yo DD and my 23yo DS say about their two younger sibs (DD21 and DS16):

"Mom and Dad NEVER did that for me, NEVER let me do this or that, NEVER ....let ME drive the car, NEVER took me here or there....(whatever other thing they have noted us doing for one but not all....)...". 

Again I say, it is not you and *they are in different time and place with your younger sibs than they were with you.*

Then on the other hand there are the more sordid and weird family dynamic complexities of at least ONE child in family who is turned into a scapegoat or "blacksheep" of the family. Sad but true. Not that I am saying this is YOU, but I don't know all your dynamics and history so can not assess further.

RELAX. Just look in the mirror and repeat: "It isn't me..." and let it go a little at a time.


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