# Am new and this is going to be long.....



## 4myboys (Aug 18, 2009)

Hi All,
My life is very complicated right now, brace ur selves this is going to be long.Been married for 15 yrs, my husband is 11 yrs older to me and ours was an arranged marriage(yeah i know, it still happens) My husband was never open about his feelings to me, never said i love u's or never did express himself to me, I am from a family where my parents were always open abt their feelings, we were always hugging and kissing each other all the time, going from this to a marriage where i did not know how my husband felt was hard. After a year or so aft our wedding i cheated on my husband(not proud of it) I just went to the first person who showed me some kind of love and affection, my husband found out and was very upset but we decided to work things out. We now have 2 beautiful boys, who r 12 and 8 yrs old. Our relationship has been on a roller coaster ride ever since...We have have had phases of good and bad, but bad mostly. My husband is still the same, he is emotionally cold, he does not talk much, does not discuss his work(successful businessman)or anything. He always has negative things to say about me all the time, no matter what I do there is absolutely no appreciation of any kind. I try and change the things he is not happy with, i have completely changed myself for him, from a happy bubbly girls i have become quite and depressed and tolerant. Every time i try and have a conversation with him he ends up attacking me verbally saying that i am way too immature blah blah...I really don't think he is happy with me, but he will not leave me either coz he is a very responsible guy, knows that the boys need their mother and feels its morally the right thing to do. I actually really and whole heartedly love my husband, he is a good man, provided for us, has forgiven me(or has he?)He is nice, but he just does not talk not 15 yrs ago not now. I don't know what's happening inside his head, what he's thinking. I have to walk on egg shells around him, not knowing what to say around him or else he'll get upset. I am just not me when i am with him, am always worried as to what he'll come home and say today. Its either u are not giving kids healthy food or u're never home to take care of things(i have my own business),or u never send the bills, or u r always on the phone...he seems constantly dissappointed in me. He's unhappy and bitter most of the time. I don't know who I am anymore or who he is. I am in this for my boys(not that i want to leave him), they absolutely adore their dad and he is a fantastic dad no complaints there, he is so nice with them, loving, laughing but he is never like that with me. I Know some where deep inside he loves me, I am a good person, a good mom and god knows trying to be a good wife but he never is happy. I have to mention that when my husband was young he stayed a lot in boarding as his mom passed away when he was young and then he was on his own most of his childhood, he is not close to his brothers or sisters. I talk to them more than he does.But at the end of the day all i want is to be able to talk to my husband and enjoying our conversations not thinking in my head"should i say this or no" I always wanted my husband to be my best friend, i want to be able to talk to him about everything under the sun but i just can't, and what do i do to communicate with him, i send him e mails..(which i never get a reply for) Its all one sided, there is absolutely no communication between us. The boys are growing up and I don't want them to grow up thinking this is how mom and dad are, i don't want them to think this is normal and be the same way with their girlfriends or wives when they grow up(i know thinking too far now) I am sad, confused and depressed in need of a little love and affection from my husband. 
PS: Sex is ok...not as great as it used to be. You need to feel the love else its just mindless sex.Help me.....


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## mistake maker (Aug 7, 2009)

Just my thoughts here, it sounds like your H is not a very emotional person. Mybe a little therapy with someone would help him learn how to show this and open the door to him about the why he is treating you.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

I agree with Mistake Maker. I can see a lot of myself in your H although I did show appreciation. And your family background is similar to my Ws. Counseling is helping me understand why I do things which was my first step to improving. Remember though that real changes don't occur over night. They have to learned, almost programmed into you.

My W and I haven't been married as long, but until now she has stayed with me. And just for the record -- yes I am not proud of how I treated my W and even though there are reasons for why - it doesn't matter. I just wish I knew before.


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## 4myboys (Aug 18, 2009)

My H is one of those guys who does not believe in getting help. He feels he knows everything, its fruitless to try and talk to him into it because he sees no problem in himself.All the problems lie in me or so he says. Thanks guys for trying to help but I see no hope for myself.I can see my self in this relationship for the next 15 yrs and i'd still be unhappy and confused.


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