# Problems at home, need help



## xmicahkx (Apr 18, 2011)

Hello,

My wife and I have been together for eight years. Our relationship has always had it's ups and downs, and mainly due to my immaturity and ignorance. I cheated on her when we first got together, left good jobs for bad reasons, and took her for granted. However, I have grown up over the years. The only thing that lasted was us taking each other for granted, and a sort of distance that we kept between the two of us. This lasted until a few months ago when my wife slept with another man. I was devastated. It was like my whole world had fallen apart, but I also knew that I had done the same to her, and felt it right to quickly forgive her. 
In the depression that followed I looked for a reason as to why this had happened, and that is when I saw how we had been treating each other. We had both let ourselves go physically, we had put up barriers between us, and we had stopped trying for the other. I took this as the reason, and immediately went to work on fixing the problems. I thought that in the future we could look back on that infidelity as the best thing that happened to us, but it hasn't worked out that way. 
She has started saying that she wants to divorce lately. I know it isn't that she has found someone else, and I have put every effort into this relationship for the past 3 months. My normal day these past 90days or so has been to wake up at 4:45am, get the kids ready for school, cook something to eat, take them to daycare at 6am, go to work until 5:20pm, pick them up, clean the house, cook dinner for the wife and kids. I put the kids to bed each night, offer her a massage every night, and for the right reasons. I have even taken to helping out by mowing her mother's lawn, and fixing things around her house as well. I tell her how beautiful she is everyday, I tell her how much I value her, that I thank god for her, but nothing is seeming to help. I thought it may be depression on her part, but she refuses to go see a doctor. I thought of marriage counciling, but she doesn't want to go. 
This all has led me to here. I am out of ideas, I am tired, and to be honest I am about to give up myself. I value my family above all things, and I am losing them. Any advice is welcome.


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## Sas581011 (Mar 27, 2011)

I think she is confused, she probably expected a different
Reaction from you and although she might feel guilty, she will
also feel as if your recent actions have made her feel comfortable
with her behaviour. 

Depression can seriously impact your relationship. Does she
talk to you openly? MC might be too much now if there is
Depression. Is she close to someone in your or her family that
she can open up to?

However bad things may seem I always believe there is hope.
Was she caught out or did she tell you this?

Please provide a little more info about W actions past vs current.
How did she react when you did the same thing and how did
she find out. Was her feelings any different after it happened.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sas581011 (Mar 27, 2011)

xm, Just a quick one, maybe a little break from each other will
be a good start, sometimes things have to hit rock bottom
before we can rebuild. She sounds clouded and a break might
be a revelation in your relationship. You also sound pretty hard
on yourself, look out for yourself and the kids, W now has to 
make some decisions. Take charge of your life and give her the 
time she might need to come right. Don't let her mentioning 
the D word put you off, if she mentions it again, cool and calming
collected reply and tell her to stop threatening you and if that
is how she feels she should do it at once. Threats r hollow 
and childish, that seems to be her trunck card to get you
working harded and it's working. You need to take charge!!!

Hope this helps and I wish you all the luck, continue posting us
Updates.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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