# Depression and anxiety



## countrygurl_pj (Oct 22, 2013)

I'm new to all of this and looking for some support. I guess I'll start with a brief history. I'm 26, married for 4 years, and still live at home. My husband and I live with my mother in order for me to take care of her, she's unable to walk putting a lot on me to take care of her. My father passed away 3 1/2 years ago, which is when my depression and anxiety first started. I dealt with it a while, but finally got help and it went away. In January my husband and I decided to try to get pregnant. I went off my medicine because I didn't want to take chances of birth defects. My husband then started a new job in May which only allows him to be home about 3 nights a week. The situation with my mother doesn't allow us to move. We do manage to talk a few times a day when he's gone also. As I look back I realize my depression started a few months ago but i ignored the signs. Now, my anxiety has started and I'm feeling like I'm not sure if I'm still in love with my husband. I will admit our time has not been all roses, but not marriage is. We've always worked through everything before. I went back on medicine about a week ago and it has helped some already, but I can't seem to get rid of the nagging feeling something isn't right. I've explained how I'm feeling to him and he is being very supportive and says he'll stay by my side through it. I just wish I could be as sure as he is. Can it really just be my depression and loneliness from not being with him all the time?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Are you seeing a counsellor as well as being on AD meds? I'd start with that. You're in a tough situation, and may need someone to give you some more tools to work through your feelings and emotions. 

C


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## countrygurl_pj (Oct 22, 2013)

Unfortunately, No I'm not talking to someone. I can't really afford to see someone which is why i decided to try this. I'm hoping to get some advice, maybe from someone who's been in a similar situation.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

How many hours a week do you spend with your husband?


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## countrygurl_pj (Oct 22, 2013)

The time varies every week depending on his work schedule. Usually 2 or 3 days and nights a week. But I usually have to take one of those days he's home and and do grocery shopping and such while he stays with my mother.


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## CrazyBeautiful1 (Oct 21, 2013)

My husband suffers from both depression and anxiety as well, and the two feed off each other. When he gets low, he gets anxious, vice versa. I'm so glad that your husband has vowed to stay by your side and support you through this. I'm not sure where you're located, but maybe there is a community counseling place around? We have several locally, and they base fees on a sliding scale.

My H recently decided that he's no longer committed to me, but is trying to work through some things on his own in IC. I can understand your fear of not loving your husband, and why this would make you anxious. Maybe keep talking to him about it? Spend extra time together, doing fun and relaxing things. I've done a lot of research on depression and anxiety and it is common to question everything you think and feel. I truly believe that depression becomes a third party in your marriage, and can make you feel disconnected from your spouse. Have you done any research on how you're feeling? I'm sure you'll find a lot of info that may help you understand that these feelings could just be your depression rearing its ugly head, rather than you actually feeling like you're no longer in love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Got married.

Death of your father while you are still maturing.

My personal belief is we don't mature emotionally until 29.

You got on meds to cope.

Became a caregiver to your mom (still young) which is TOUGH.

Got off meds to get pregnant in the middle of a crisis.

Husband starts a new job.

I can see why you are depressed.

That's A LOT to deal with in 4 years and at your age.

Most people don't deal with parents mortality until their late 40's not their 20's.


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## countrygurl_pj (Oct 22, 2013)

I have been looking for information on depression and anxiety. I have also had my husband read a little. I can't say I've never had these feelings before, but as I said the depression started 3 1/2 years ago when my father passed away. At that time I didn't want a lot to do with my husband but never thought about not being with him. I guess that's why I'm scared about all this so much right now.


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## CrazyBeautiful1 (Oct 21, 2013)

It sounds like you are just trying to catch up to yourself honestly. You have been through a lot, in a pretty short amount of time. I would definitely recommend some counseling if you can swing it. Someone to help you sort through everything, and deal with it all separately. 

I can only imagine that you have a lot going through your mind at all times, and it's got to be tough. It's actually normal to lash out or target your spouse from what I've read, because this is the person closest to you. If you're unsure, I definitely wouldn't rush into any decisions too soon, just try to take baby steps.

Is It Your Marriage or Your Depression? | World of Psychology

Dealing With Depression In Marriage

Just a couple articles that I found extremely helpful. I tried to share with my H but it just made him feel worse. Hopefully they can help you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Feel-Free (Sep 22, 2013)

countrygurl_pj said:


> ...but I can't seem to get rid of the nagging feeling something isn't right. I've explained how I'm feeling to him and he is being very supportive and says he'll stay by my side through it. I just wish I could be as sure as he is. Can it really just be my depression and loneliness from not being with him all the time?


Consider breathing into this nagging feeling that 'something's not right.' What does that feel like? Is it scary like fear? Is it worry like someone is doing something wrong? Is it more like 'something isn't right with my life?' 

Then, try to name that feeling: I am scared, or I am worried, I am sad, I miss my husband, I am lonely, or I am uncertain... By getting clear about what the feeling is, you can in turn get more confident about just having that feeling. 

Try not to analyze it too much, and try not to obsess about it too much. Just feel the feeling and honestly name the feelings for yourself. Consider how you can better 'own' these feelings for yourself, instead of trying to get rid of them. 

And then watch carefully because you will find some relief just in naming these feelings for yourself. You get to be more in control and have more choice in your own feeling dynamics, which in turn will shift your ability to just be with your more challenging feelings like sadness, loneliness or depression.

If you'd like some more information, I have some great info available online. Just let me know. Continued success in your management of these challenging feelings!


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## countrygurl_pj (Oct 22, 2013)

CrazyBeautiful1 said:


> It sounds like you are just trying to catch up to yourself honestly. You have been through a lot, in a pretty short amount of time. I would definitely recommend some counseling if you can swing it. Someone to help you sort through everything, and deal with it all separately.
> 
> I can only imagine that you have a lot going through your mind at all times, and it's got to be tough. It's actually normal to lash out or target your spouse from what I've read, because this is the person closest to you. If you're unsure, I definitely wouldn't rush into any decisions too soon, just try to take baby steps.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the articles I will definitely read them.


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## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

I would add to what others have said: some clinics offer sliding fee payment scales. There's one affiliated with the university the next town over from us. You might talk to a grad student instead of a phd, but it definitely is better than keeping everything boxed up inside. Or, a social worker usually costs less than a psychologist. Or maybe group therapy (kind of like this, but irl). Good for you for recognizing that you need help. Don't think things are too overwhelming to deal with. You've already started the process.


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