# Home Decorating.



## Peridot (Dec 30, 2008)

Ever since we purchased our new house, I've been excited about "feathering the nest." Now, we don't have a whole lot of money right now, but as I see things that we can afford to decorate the house, I've been buying them to use for "inspiration" (little things: knick-knacks, baubles and the like - all under $20 a piece). 

I've dreamed about having my own house to have a "canvas" for a long long time. Since I was a little girl, in fact. 

Now, my husband *seems* to be doing everything he can to throw a monkey wrench into the thing. :scratchhead:

Not that I haven't had discussions with him on what he likes or wants. Or have consulted with him on color and style. 

It's just... every time I come up with a plan, he puts it down. 

I thought we had agreed on a color scheme for the downstairs... a bit unconventional, but it was in tune to what he likes - very classical, Elizabethan-era style, with an updated (not modern) twist. I don't mind classical, but I don't want "too formal." that is where our tastes diverge. 

Well, I digress, I came up with an awesome idea for the powder room - a bit different from what we had originally discussed, but it fit the color scheme we agreed upon. He originally wanted to put in a heavy paisley wallpaper, but I'm having second thoughts on whether we could pull it off. 

Now he's saying that he "just gave in" on the color scheme and that I can do whatever I want... he's just not going to help make payments on the house (we need two incomes to pay for the mortgage) and force us into foreclosure because the house isn't *his* so why pay for it? WTF?

So, now I'm afraid to do anything because I'm afraid he isn't bluffing. It's really upsetting me. I don't understand why it's such a big deal for him. I've let him have his way on some things... he got these old fire doors that he wants to use as a divider in the family room. I HATE the idea, but I'm helping him anyway. I figure if they don't look good, we can move them or get rid of them. I don't understand why he isn't being the same way with my ideas. We can always repaint or wallpaper. 

I just want him to give me a chance. Have a little faith in me. But he always tells me how my ideas are stupid or ugly. 

But as soon as I say I don't like one of his ideas (like the powder room), it's a war. He actually said that I'm "spreading like a virus" in the house yesterday. Is that something that you would EVER say to your wife?

Is this him being controlling? He claims that because his parents NEVER let him have any say in anything when he was growing up - when he was older (in college and still living at home), his mom decided to "redecorate" his room while he was still there, which is sort of weird. He was never allowed to hang posters or express himself, even in his own room. 

I could imagine how that would mess someone up, but our house isn't HIM HIM HIM. I feel like he's using it as an excuse to control me and it's making me feel helpless. 

Do guys really care about decorating? The one's I've talked to don't care, why does he? Especially since it's something that would provide joy for me? Why is he saying that compromising is still "getting my way?" I don't know what to do short of hiring a decorating consultant... which we can't afford. 

I know it's a silly thing to be worried about, but it's something that would make me happy, even if I had to compromise a little bit more... but he's making it painful.


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## johnamos (May 8, 2009)

Our home is totally victorian, from furniture to Chandliers. Its 100% flea market and not one item is over 20$. The winter affords us the time to refinish ahd restore.

Many have wallked in with children, out of the mouths it is immediately stated "do not touch anything".

Money doesn't make the style its the home.


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## Peridot (Dec 30, 2008)

johnamos said:


> Our home is totally victorian, from furniture to Chandliers. Its 100% flea market and not one item is over 20$. The winter affords us the time to refinish ahd restore.
> 
> Many have wallked in with children, out of the mouths it is immediately stated "do not touch anything".
> 
> Money doesn't make the style its the home.


Agreed. We bought a 9-piece all cherry lacquer finished (gorgeous and in perfect condition) dining room set for $650 (china cabinet and a 7-piece dining room table) from a Habitat-For-Humanity Re-Store. I can't even find something that matches the quality anywhere, and sets of less quality still seem to go for over $3000. 

Most of our furniture is hand-me-downs and yard sale finds and really, except for a few things, we only need artwork, accessories, window treatments and wall color to be done.

But that's not the issue. It's the fact that the hand-me-downs aren't "good enough" for him and my ideas are always bad that is the issue.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

I think there is more to this story than we are being told. Whenever someone feels the way your husband does, there is a much larger sign of failure to compromise.

Maybe what you need to do is to sit down and discuss ALL of the decorating ideas, so that when you start to negotiate, it will look much more like you are each getting some things that you want. If you agreed to something a month ago, and then sit down to discuss 3 other things which you get your way on, its easy for him to forget about what happened a month ago.

Doing it all at once may seem more fair? Plus you can also prioritize.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

It sounds like you both feel really strongly about this so it'll be hard to compromise. maybe you could split the house up and he could take a room, and you can take a room. or split it up some how. give him something he has complete domain over. i have no decorating sense, though, but that's probably how i would do it.


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