# he doesnt want sex, but...



## tough (May 25, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. In the past six months we've had sex three times. He'll give a dozen excuses as to why hes not in the mood, always saying it isn't me. Yet he's not too tired to masturbate after I've laid down.

Its not like I withhold sex from him. Nor is he completely unaware of my desire for him. If we had an active sex life his fooling with himself wouldn't bother me. It just really seems as though I am what's turning him off. 

I just want opinions/advice. Wouldn't most men prefer the company of a real woman to a cheesy porno and their hand?


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

You cannot blame yourself for this. I am a female, but I had a good friend go through this and she ultimately had to leave her man (not saying you need to) because he was addicted and only turned on by the porn type women, and that she was not. I would address this when you are calm, and express your feelings, let him know how it makes you feel rejected and unwanted and unsexy. See what he says, let him know that it is causing problems, see if he will compromise to no porn for a month, to spice back up your sex life.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

He sounds like he's addicted to porn. He needs to cut it out completely imo.

Oh and for the record, I'm a guy and I don't fully get why a man would willingly substitute porn for a real woman. Still some of the typical reasons I hear is that it's quicker, easier, and ready when they want.

Personally I liken porn to fast food, and sex with a real woman to fine dining. Fast food isn't great at all, but it's convenient and almost always available. Fine dining requires you to be patient for the food to arrive, and getting to the restaurant may take a while... but it's oh so good.

Sounds like your husband is settling for fast food type sex (porn) at your expense. It's selfish, plain and simple. It needs to stop for the sake of the marriage.

Setup whatever boundaries you want to have around porn, and stick to your guns.


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## tough (May 25, 2012)

I appreciate the replies - I was so embarrassed when I first posted.

When we were going out (and even recently) he's made fun of friends of his who like their porn a little too much, which I think is why I'm so confused.

I brought the issue up. He snapped that I was asleep when he kissed me, so he thought he'd let me sleep (how very kind of him) & that he hardly watches porn, which he was surprised to learn didn't comfort me all too much - at least if it boiled down to porn I could begin to understand. 

He's lying about something (seems so, at least), and I think right now that's what's most frustrating.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How often did you have sex a year ago? 2 years ago? What kids of things have changed? Job changes or stress, life changes, are both of you healthy? Do you "date" each other still? How old are the two of you? Is he willing to go for a physical and get his testosterone checked in particular? What happens if you initiate? And last but not least, are there any red flags of an affair?

As a guy, I'd MUCH rather be with a real woman. In my marriage, I was a daily DIYer, but that's because sex was off the menu. In my current relationship, where sex is a daily thing, I haven't had to DIY for months. Even when she's been gone for a week at a time, I'd rather build up the tension so when we do see each other, it's a "rip the clothes off at the door monkey sex extravaganza"! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

This idiot choking his chicken isn't your main problem. You have needs and he's aware of those needs but he just doesn't care. That is your problem. If you were queen of the universe and could bannish all forms of porm and outlaw masturbation, you'd still have a selfish guy with a lack of empathy. That's no fun in or out of the bedroom. If he's just going to take care of #1, he doesn't need a wife.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I was in a situation like yours for a long time, 3 years (or so). We would have sex once every 2 months, and that is only because i would completely shut down from him. (pity sex, i guess) After I talked to him several times that the frequency was not enough for me, nothing ever changed, it got worse. He would bury his head in porn and have nothing left for me.

He would then make excesses for not wanting to have sex. (He sounded like a damn woman.) I think I have heard every excuse in the book.

Your husband is selfish and doesn't care about what YOU need from him. (my husband was the same) He didn't care. 

I left him about 3 month ago (i am not saying that you should) I had to. Staying with him was killing me. 

I know now that it was not me it was all him.. I am not ugly or unattractive by any means.. I really though I was.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Does he have erection difficulties? He could play with a semi-limp dishrag but he really couldn't take care of you with one.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

This is just one story among many on the effect of porn on some men. It like drinking or smoking pot, some can partake in moderation or leave it alone. The problem has come to light with the easy availability of free internet porn. There is a dramatic increase in men in their 20's with erectile problems, social isolation and inability to form lasting relationships. 

CNN Highlights Pornography's Destructive Effects on Society? | NewsBusters.org

There is a possibility that He may have his eye on someone else or having an affair. do some quite investigating. 

If it is an addiction, it will be like crack cocaine difficult to beat. If you stay with him and have children, porn addiction or his battle may be part of your life too. Please don't have kids before you are absolutely sure you know what is going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Maybe he hates you.


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