# Wedding Anniversary - Date or no Date



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Ok. Last of the day.

Our 15 year anniversary is on the 17th. Although separated, we were thinking about going to dinner and a movie together.

Bad idea? OK idea?

The more I think about it, the more I'm leaning against going out.

Thanks to you all. This stuff really stinks.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Why does she want to go out?? Is there a reason to celebrating something thats not going on?? When my wife and I went through this we had our 15 year. I think she did this to avoid me giving her a anniversary band..  Still I gave her a card.. She looked at it but was mad cause it was a card of something we use to have. I asked her out to dinner but she had no interest.. 


So if she is willing to go out what is she telling you??


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Wife consistently says she wants the marriage to work - we are supposedly separated to give us some time to cool down and stop arguing. 

Therapist seems to think we need to basically start dating again - rediscover the nice things about each other that we've forgotten - but I think we need a little more time to miss each other first.

Problem is that wife's words and actions have NOT been consistent. Posted another thread in "coping/infidelity" - confused as the therapist basically advised me to trust her and give her space and see what happens.

So - no date?

Thanks for the replies.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

No date. 

Generally speaking a wife will not have sex with a husband who cannot calmly say no to her. If she gets aggressive just stay calm and say "I need to jump - talk to you next week." and then hang up. 

It seems like your wife wants all the benefits of being married without having to actually love you back. And my guess is that you have allowed her that luxury for a long time. 

If she brings this up as a hostile act on your part you can always say: when you are ready to come back to my bed and my heart we can resume our anniversary dates and the rest of our marriage. You have a short window to decide if you want that, and if you don't we will be lifelong friends. 








nice777guy said:


> Wife consistently says she wants the marriage to work - we are supposedly separated to give us some time to cool down and stop arguing.
> 
> Therapist seems to think we need to basically start dating again - rediscover the nice things about each other that we've forgotten - but I think we need a little more time to miss each other first.
> 
> ...


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