# My 2 year update



## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Story Update…

I joined TAM a little over two years ago. I lurked a bit looking for answers previously reading threads and getting ideas of how to save my marriage.

At the time I was all about saving my marriage. As things progressed and I found out more of who my EX really was, I could not get divorced fast enough. In order for a person to really let go, you have to let the person who you thought you were married to die to see that person for whom they really are.

Last year was brutal. I lost both my parents and my EX keeps taking me to court. She is forcing me to go bankrupt. I wrote something when my mother passed away that I will share.

“With Rue My Heart is Laden,

For those who do not know, my mother has entered hospice care. She only has a few days to live. My family has been dealing with this for some time now. 

When I would go visit my mom, who is dying from Alzheimer's, I would think often about the things she has done for me and the wonderful times we had. I was wise enough to let both of my parents know how much I loved them a long time ago and I have no regrets. I miss my parents and sometimes I am overwhelmed by the grief that I have but I am also overjoyed by the gifts my parents gave to me.

I want to thank my parents for giving me a love for poetry. A.E. Houseman's with Rue My Heart is Laden, is one of my favorites. I want to thank my mom for taking us to those theater shows and expanding my horizons. I want to thank my parents for impressing on me how important reading is. I want to thank them for all of the times they took out of their busy schedule to take us to our games, concerts, functions etc... I want to thank my parents for teaching me how to drive, how to hold doors for women, how to give my seat up on crowded trains to people who needed it more. I want to thank them for giving me the example of which I strive to give my sons.

I took my boys to see my mom this past weekend to say farewell. As we drove home, we discussed Christmas. I told them I don't want to buy them things for the sake of buying them things. I don't really get them anything for Christmas or their birthday, we do things that I want them to remember. We will plan on going to AZ this summer, see the Grand Canyon, Tombstone, The petrified forest, etc... and have the memories that are so much more important than a trinket frittered. What I will get them is a book of pictures of the things that we have done together, the hikes, the games, the adventures and I will pour my love into the book and write how much they mean to me so that they can look back and always know how much they are loved.

I try not to leave things undone or things unsaid. I tend to see the world a little differently than most people. I see that as a gift. My kids know that they love them, but they also know because I tell them all the time, I still tuck them in, I still hug them and kiss them in front of their friends and I don't give a damn if I embarrass them or not. Let them fuss, but let them know.

To those people who constantly post positive messages, they mean things to me and they also help me remember what is important in life. The best things in life aren't things at all.

Life is short and it is not meant to be wasted thinking of what could have been. It is meant to be lived each day to it's fullest. So even though I am in Mississippi right now and my heart is heavy, I can tell you that the sunrise is always beautiful. The grief for my parents will fade over time, but I will not be accused of missing out on a gift God gave to me.

After 44 years, I think I might have gained a modicum of wisdom. My father who is being laid to rest by a 'brook to broad for leaping' and my mother will soon be joining him in 'fields where roses fade.' I am not sorry for their passing. I am grateful for the time I had to spend with them and for the gifts the gave to me and my family. I will grieve but I will also focus on the positive things in life.

To anyone who reads this, take this opportunity to tell your loved ones that you love them. They know, but tell them anyway. Hug them because you never know when you will have that last hug with them so make it count. To everyone, may god bless you and yours to the end of your days.

The night will pass and the sunrise is always beautiful. There is always something to be grateful for. Do not let the troubles that you have temporarily, let you forget that. Focus on what you have to be grateful for, that is the simple advice I can give.”

It is said that sometimes the people who give the best and most heartwarming advice have gone through so much turmoil.

December 21, 2011 was my Dday. December 21,2014 was the one year anniversary of me taking out my girlfriend. (She is on my personal page)… It is also the day I got engaged. I don’t trigger on Dday anymore. The woman who I married so long ago does not exist and really neither does the man who married her. I don’t think about my EX at all except when it has to do with the kids.

My divorce gave me the opportunity to be whom I chose to be and I work at that with a zeal. I wrote down 40 things I want to accomplish this year and I have finished about 15% so far. Some will have to wait until summer.

I am still very blunt with people. I still have no tolerance for selfish people. For those who chose to reconcile, I applaud you and for those who chose divorce, I applaud you as well. The simple fact is that we all have to move on with our lives and not let our hurt and anger consume us. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Remember, the sunrise is always beautiful. If you are having a tough day… tomorrow will be more promising, but there are always great things in your life to focus on so let that be your guide. Choose to become who you always wanted to be and be an inspiration to others. God bless and make your lives great.

My original post is my signature.


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## user_zero (Aug 30, 2013)

it's beautiful. thank you for sharing it with us. I might steal the idea of book. if it's okay with you.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

user_zero said:


> it's beautiful. thank you for sharing it with us. I might steal the idea of book. if it's okay with you.


Steal away... Being original sometimes is just hiding your sources


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cool. In all shades.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrokenVows (Oct 12, 2012)

Wow, you've endured a lot within a short time period, yet you are still positive. That. Is. Awesome.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

BrokenVows said:


> Wow, you've endured a lot within a short time period, yet you are still positive. That. Is. Awesome.


It drives my EX nuts. She calls me pathetic so I refuse to communicate with her except with things only dealing with the kids. You cannot choose your circumstances sometimes, but you can always choose how you act. 

I make my fair share of mistakes and I am not very tolerant to things I view as wrong but I am willing to listen and I want to enjoy my life.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Is she still with the pos neighbor and I hope he isn't hitting your kids anymore.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> It drives my EX nuts. She calls me pathetic so I refuse to communicate with her except with things only dealing with the kids. You cannot choose your circumstances sometimes, but you can always choose how you act.
> 
> I make my fair share of mistakes and I am not very tolerant to things I view as wrong but I am willing to listen and I want to enjoy my life.



Probably po'd that you're not pining away for her. Selfish women can be like that..... pay her no mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Is she still with the pos neighbor and I hope he isn't hitting your kids anymore.


Yes, she is still with the neighbor. Things are afoot. I had a run-in with him and he would not put his hands on my kids. He did not hit my kids... She did. He put his hands on them and has not since I let him know... He cusses at my oldest. That will stop too.


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## frankman (Sep 23, 2014)

If she is as smart and sweet as she is pretty you chose wisely.

How long did it take from you discovered the infidelity until you admitted you yourself you could let another woman into your life?

Im right at that stage and it is confusing. (Thanks to the people on my thread who pushed me to admit it. Admitting it at least has reduced my anxieties.)


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

MovingAhead said:


> Story Update…
> 
> I joined TAM a little over two years ago. I lurked a bit looking for answers previously reading threads and getting ideas of how to save my marriage.
> 
> ...


You are the MAN !!!!

Thanks for your thoughtful post and despite your tragedies in your family, I think you are well poised to have an incredible life from here on out.

BTW, while I did get presents, the best things were the family trips and time with my parents who both succumbed at an early age. You are doing it right, bro. Sorry the ex did to you what she did


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

frankman said:


> If she is as smart and sweet as she is pretty you chose wisely.
> 
> How long did it take from you discovered the infidelity until you admitted you yourself you could let another woman into your life?
> 
> Im right at that stage and it is confusing. (Thanks to the people on my thread who pushed me to admit it. Admitting it at least has reduced my anxieties.)


We both have our baggage. We are willing to help each other unpack. When I had to move and was getting my new house organized, she came down, we live far away from each other and spent the entire weekend helping me get my house in order. She wanted me to take my boys and enjoy the weekend. (KEEPER)

Anyone can do the big things, come to holiday dinners, get flowers, I want someone who does the little but important things. I want someone who helps make the glue that holds the big things together.

I dated about 30 girls between my last girlfriend and her. She just had what I was looking for. 

I dated a girl who would drink and get mad at me... That lasted all of 5 minutes. I am at the point of my life that I just won't tolerate stupid behavior. Not that we are perfect but she is a good one.

My previous gf was stunning but had issues... I just want pretty enough and good on the inside.

When you begin dating, there are some simple guidelines.

1. Be patient, the crazy ones can't hold it in for more than 90 days so look for red flags before you get into something.

2. You cannot help what they think. If I tell someone something and they think I mean something totally different that is there problem. You can only help what you say.

3. How well will this potential mate hold up in a zombie apocalypse? These things are important to consider. 

I started dating her literally 2 years to the day of my Dday. I was doing a Christmas bucket list and we went to the Symphony and dinner. Of all the girls I dated, she is the only one that made me nervous. I have no idea why.

I think the first year after divorce you may want to date but casually. I still don't think my head was ok at all. I dated other girls that I liked but a lot of them have their own personal issues they don't deal with and if they won't deal with it, I will not do it for them.

I'll help my girl unpack her baggage, but I won't carry it for her. Been there, done that, and it doesn't work.


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