# What is "passion" and why some WW seem to be blinded by it?



## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

This is an abstract question. After reading about a dozen different posts on either SI or LS (from as far back as 05) I found quite a bit of WW who started affairs because lack of "passion". From it being a co-worker, boss, hb's friend (anything with a penis it seemed).
The funny thing is that after the affair was found out and husband was leaving it seemed like 80% of the WW all of a sudden found this "passion" for their husbands and would post long whiny "I need him I'm nothing without him, I'll spend my entire life making it up to him pots."
I know the question is odd I'm trying to find what people here would think passion is because it seems like some WW (I'm sure WH too) seem to cheat/leave families for it then 9 months later have a "holy ****" mommen And realize they've ruined their life's. 
I did find about 2-3 WW posts who did have that holy crap moment and all of a sudden found this "passion" when divorce and separation began. Most of the other WW didn't seems to think the passion was as great but were too "deep" to ask for forgiveness or to go back home. It was interesting to read a posts from the start were they were saying how amazing their Affair was/is and their AP to 9-10 later when you would think they were the saddest broken people on earth. 
Most were "I miss my wife/husband" "I'm not happy in this new relationship but I'm too afraid to ask him/her for forgives"
All this for "passion" than...it seems they had all along from the start.
Sorry just a rant like question.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

The grass often looks greener on the other side of the fence, regardless of the actual hue and saturation of the two greens.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Well, if they lost that passion once, why wouldn't they lose it again? Whatever passion is. 

I think it's the feeling of new love with a partner who is unfamiliar. It's a bit of danger, intrigue, suspense and the feeling they are wanted deeply as a woman, not a mother and wife. 

In the end, a majority of folks will feel the passion has gone, if they live together and spend time together. It's a mindset and nothing tangible. That's all it is. Some believe in it. Some don't. 

Someone who wants what you want, will be the best match. 

There is a period of time when men and women seem to go off the rails a bit. I guess they call it midlife crisis, but I think it is a change in the brain chemicals affecting moods. I think it is natural, but not necessarily good for faithful spouses. It takes quite a bit of character to do something positive with all those confusing thoughts and feelings. It's not impossible to keep them in check.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Passion = happy hormones. Oxytocin, adrenaline, etc. It's hard for most people to control their impulses under normal conditions, nevermind when they are experiencing strong hormone rushes.

I've posted this before, but I believe that most people are on the spectrum of *some* kind of addiction, even if they don't realize it. We're wired for it. Coffee, alcohol, gaming, sweets, overeating, exercise... and of course, sex and romance. Our addictions get harder to control the more off-balance, stressed or unhappy we are. This is when affairs can happen, and why some inherently good people get sideblinded by an affair. It can be avoided, but one needs to know the signs. It can also be derailed, but it requires a lot of self-discipline.

I'm not talking about completely selfish people who just want what they want and the hell with anyone else, btw. For them, they may love the rush, but they don't have any remorse for who they hurt. That's an entirely different animal.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Because that's how they're wired.

Hell, we're all wired like that to a degree.

Passion = Enthusiasm = Interest = Commitment

Not to be too crude, but think about it like this --

You're a guy. Would you rather have sex w/ a woman that simply lays there taking it, or would you instead prefer to have sex w/ a woman that's not only willing but ENTHUSIASTIC about having sex w/ you?

Same thing more or less.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

The grass is always greener where you water it.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

It still takes work to repair the trust that was broken... many many months or years.

The "affair fog" is a drug... like being on crack. We are still animals that have urges that over-ride logic...


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

tech-novelist said:


> The grass often looks greener on the other side of the fence, regardless of the actual hue and saturation of the two greens.


I love the quote I read somewhere: "The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it."


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Jponce06 said:


> This is an abstract question. After reading about a dozen different posts on either SI or LS (from as far back as 05) I found quite a bit of WW who started affairs because lack of "passion". From it being a co-worker, boss, hb's friend (anything with a penis it seemed).
> The funny thing is that after the affair was found out and husband was leaving it seemed like 80% of the WW all of a sudden found this "passion" for their husbands and would post long whiny "I need him I'm nothing without him, I'll spend my entire life making it up to him pots."
> I know the question is odd I'm trying to find what people here would think passion is because it seems like some WW (I'm sure WH too) seem to cheat/leave families for it then 9 months later have a "holy ****" mommen And realize they've ruined their life's.
> I did find about 2-3 WW posts who did have that holy crap moment and all of a sudden found this "passion" when divorce and separation began. Most of the other WW didn't seems to think the passion was as great but were too "deep" to ask for forgiveness or to go back home. It was interesting to read a posts from the start were they were saying how amazing their Affair was/is and their AP to 9-10 later when you would think they were the saddest broken people on earth.
> ...


It's probably always been that way. Look at back in the day when women stayed home all day. What was the #1 type of program they watched? Soap Operas. Passionate affairs, cheating, etc. Look at the trashy romance novels they read. Full of passion and cheating. Sometimes some of them get too caught up in the fantasy bullsh*t and before you know it they're in their own affair. They convince themselves it's like the books and shows, all passion, and no one gets hurt.

The dumber ones leave their families and run off with the idiot AP. The smarter ones have their "holy sh*t" moment and stop the idiotic foolish behavior. As soon as the taboo "passionate" affair becomes a real relationship with responsibilities, issues, bills to pay, etc. a lot of women realize "damn, this is what I already had yet with a WAY better man." Some wise up after divorce and live very unhappy and bitter lives. Others have BS's or even ex's gracious enough to take their sorry butts back. I think the smarter ones wise up and realize all those passionate affair books, movies, tv shows, etc. are fiction. They're not real. I love Star Wars. I don't sit around the house trying to use the force. Why? Because I'm smart enough to know fiction from reality.

The kind of passion these people are looking for is at the emotional level of an 8th grade girl. It's embarrassing when it's a woman in her 40's looking for the type of love found in jr. high school.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

LucasJackson said:


> Jponce06 said:
> 
> 
> > This is an abstract question. After reading about a dozen different posts on either SI or LS (from as far back as 05) I found quite a bit of WW who started affairs because lack of "passion". From it being a co-worker, boss, hb's friend (anything with a penis it seemed).
> ...


I'm not gonna lie I have some romance books on my phone I work remote site work and sometimes some up lifting stories help with the weeks of isolation. Mostly the work of Marquita Valentine since she's more of a cheer leader where the main characters are xBS trying to find a new...so some romances aren't bad.

There was an old LS thread about a woman who wanted to experience life felt trap in her marriage (was in her 40s). Started dating left her husband and children after he asked over and over again to work it out she still said no. 
I remember later on 9-10 months later her husband was dead set on divorce (at her request) while she was suffocating because she realized her marriage was amazing and she had thrown it all away.

Another SI left her husband for her EA and got knocked up with A baby. She realized her EA/PA was just a fantasy and she became suicidal. Her husband took her back...(crazy). Guess it's the two sad takes I've come upon. Just for some "passion".

Secondly, don't tell anyone but I can use the force.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Actually both sexes can get caught up in chasing after "passion." It's usually the WWs who are willing to break up the family in pursuit of their new "soul mate." Once a woman has given herself to the OM, she has replaced her husband in her heart. Breaking up the kids home take a distant back seat to the pursuit of this passion.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

LucasJackson said:


> The kind of passion these people are looking for is at the emotional level of an 8th grade girl. It's embarrassing when it's a woman in her 40's looking for the type of love found in jr. high school.


I suspect that's a part of the lure, feeling young and carefree and self-absorbed and immature and entitled and invulnerable again.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

TaDor said:


> The grass is always greener where you water it.


The grass looks greener because it's fertilized with bullsh1t.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Passion be as simple as showing your partner that you care about them, are attracted to the, desire them. The sorts of things that most people do when dating, but many stop doing after marriage.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Thound said:


> The grass looks greener because it's fertilized with bullsh1t.



^Post of the day^


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Chemically passion are the hormones like oxytocin, dopamine. Complacency, routine, stress, laziness, etc kill passion? So then the question is do we build and maintain that passion. It's work. But work that people should be passionate about.

There is not enough room in a post write it all down so I suggest the books that teach it:

"Love Busters" & "His Needs, Her Needs" These books talk about what Dr. Harley calls a "love bank". In reality this about the hormones that your brain makes and uptakes. The more you meet your spouse's needs, the more of those feel good chemicals they will have floating around in their brain. And the same goes for you, the more of your needs your spouse meets, the higher you will be on those natural chemicals. And the less a person's needs are met, the few of those feel good chemicals will be flowing.

"Mating in Captivity" This book talks about how to add and maintain and high level of the 'magic' into a relationship.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Because that's how they're wired.
> 
> Hell, we're all wired like that to a degree.
> 
> ...


The frat bos at university would say: there's nothing like fresh new pu$$y.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Jponce06 said:


> Another SI left her husband for her EA and got knocked up with A baby. She realized her EA/PA was just a fantasy and she became suicidal. Her husband took her back...(crazy). Guess it's the two sad takes I've come upon. Just for some "passion".
> 
> Secondly, don't tell anyone but I can use the force.


How does one get knocked up from an EA? :nerd:

I can use two forces.
>


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

TaDor said:


> How does one get knocked up from an EA? :nerd:
> 
> I can use two forces.
> >


Go ask Mary.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

jsmart said:


> Actually both sexes can get caught up in chasing after "passion."


I read the thread title and I immediately wondered 1- how far down the thread I'd get before someone correctly pointed out that "passion" and cheating is not limited to one gender. 2- if the poster was going to be a woman.



Jponce06 said:


> Another SI left her husband for her EA and got knocked up with A baby.
> 
> 
> TaDor said:
> ...


 @Jponce06 never stated the person got knocked up from an EA. 
@TaDor you misread the post.

Trying to come up with an analogy for the misinterpration here.

This is as close as I can come up with. I post "I got in my car and I went to work". Someone else posts "You must have caused a lot of damage driving your car through the office".


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> jsmart said:
> 
> 
> > Actually both sexes can get caught up in chasing after "passion."
> ...


I might of put in a sentence both WW and WH cheat for passion but it seems like mostly WW post in forums. Maybe most men like myself are too stubborn to ask for help (I don't know).

Also the WW on SI had an EA left her husband on their anniversary (10 year) and got pregnant with her EA/PA partner.
I feel bad for both of them (as they both post on there). 
She got pregnant her AP told her he couldn't have kids. He went back to work (abroad) and she was left alone and pregnant while her husband dated and lived at home with their sons. So she decided to inform him of her plans to commit suicide. Her husband helps her cope and she asks to come home and both are trying to R while raising her A baby. Her husband sounds like a caring man (I couldn't and wouldn't do it) just the epitome of co-dependency.
I do believe she didn't want to wait for her AP to return and needs constant male validation. Saw her husband moving on and dating realized (in her own words) that her husband was a much better man than anyone she would ever meet and in a last ditch selfish controlling effort bought pills and alcohol to end her life. While pregnant. Also leaving her 4 sons without a mother of course she told her soon to be xh in an effort to get sympathy which it did and now they are back together...all for some "passion".


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Chemically passion are the hormones like oxytocin, dopamine. Complacency, routine, stress, laziness, etc kill passion? So then the question is do we build and maintain that passion. It's work. But work that people should be passionate about.
> 
> There is not enough room in a post write it all down so I suggest the books that teach it:
> 
> ...


I actually think that's a great book title "mating in captivity".
I do wonder how some couples after 20-30 years still have passion while some seem to lose it (after 3).


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

The threads where the WW gets pregnant by her OM always seem the most sad. Most times the OM doesn't want her or their demon spawn. It up to the BH to swallow his pride and accept this kid so that his kids will have a mother in an unbroken home. 

I could NEVER do such a thing but I can understand those who do. What makes it even sadder is that many of these FWWs are ungrateful for the gift that's been given to her. It seems that the BH has to swallow down the hurt while dealing with a haughty wife that expect the BH to just get over it already and be grateful that she came back.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

She wanted to get an abortion but after 4 sons she got an ultra sounds and saw it was a girl and wept couldn't do it (her husband didn't want to raise her A baby) but eventually relented. I just think it's sad after the high of her A was over she came crawling back pregnant but not before threatening suicide. Not sure how much of it was because her husband was moving on and dating other woman.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

That's classic plan B. The man that supposedly she can't have passion for can be manipulated to literally play captain save-a-h0e. The BH in that thread will probably have a wife that will be indifferent toward him doling out duty sex. She'll throw herself into mothering her affair baby making sure that the other siblings accept new baby at all cost including making BH the enemy if necessary.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Jponce06 said:


> She wanted to get an abortion but after 4 sons she got an ultra sounds and saw it was a girl and wept couldn't do it (her husband didn't want to raise her A baby) but eventually relented. I just think it's sad after the high of her A was over she came crawling back pregnant but not before threatening suicide. Not sure how much of it was because her husband was moving on and dating other woman.


Back in the mid 90's I knew of a guy who's WW (and mother of his 3 kids) had an affair with a cop, got knocked up and wasn't sure who's kid she was carrying. The guy found out and did an exposure so wide, it made the local paper. The price of reconciliation was an abortion, he didn't care who's kid it was (I would have never taken her back). Ultimately they had to move to another state because it cost the cop his job, and the cop's friends in the local PD harassed the guy.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Jponce06 said:


> I actually think that's a great book title "mating in captivity".


Not another documentary about our state prison system I hope.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

That's my pessimistic side. She said her EA/PA was just a fantasy and her husband was who she wanted...of course aftermoving out on their anniversary, getting knocked up her her AP and him leaving for work . I think WS in general seem to be a tad mentally disabled


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> Jponce06 said:
> 
> 
> > I actually think that's a great book title "mating in captivity".
> ...


When i worked for the DoC for 22 months they sent the guards to a training class called. "Dealing with rape in prison" i had to read it twice as I called the state travel planner to let her know what was the name of the training course.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

The middle man why would he even try to Reconcile even after the abortion. The damage, collateral damage and shame has already been done. Also what kind of ****ty ass cops defend a cheater and harass the woman's husband. I've worked with guys who get cheated on and are in R. Yeah the **** talking behind their back is so ****ing brutal, the teasing and berating of their masculinity is heartbreaking. That's why I could never R. I am 100% sure that cop shared intimate details with his friends and made her look like a...hoe. So that dude had the police department thinking his a cuckold and half the town.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Which "mating in captivity" book?


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

I was going to ask "Why not get an abortion"? But it was answered...

Concerning an A-baby... I severely doubt I could handled that. She was lucky she got me where I was willing to work on us as it is. But preggers... nope. Screw that. We all have our ultimate red line, and that would have been it.

Turns out my wife's birth control device had failed a few months ago. So after an emg surgery, I had a talk with her at her hospital bed... that it would have been a BAD thing, which she admitted she had already been thinking about that as well. For sure, I wouldn't have taken her back.

At a family get-together (her side), one of her aunts was giving her a bit of lip about the damage she did for cheating... 5+ months ago.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I think it's part of a primitive survival instinct. One day you're eating tasty caviar and you're passionate about how it tastes. You turn up your nose at oatmeal and hamburgers. Then the economy collapses and all you're left with is stale bread. Your primitive brain makes you develop a "passion" for stale bread really fast. It tastes really good when you're hungry. If you don't eat that crap, you'll die. You've adapted to the situation to support your survival. 

Some women pin all their hopes on their AP. He's a gallant, powerful man that is going to rescue her from her horrible marriage to her revolting husband. He's the future. He's a provider. He's safety. Then the AP dumps her for his own wife. Suddenly the WW finds that her husband is the only option for provision and safety. Her brain rewires itself to find her husband attractive again. Her newfound desperate love for her husband is "real" in that sense.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

TaDor said:


> Which "mating in captivity" book?


This one. It's a good read.

https://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Unlocking-Erotic-Intelligence-ebook/dp/B000UODXP0#nav-subnav


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Thanks, its on my Amazon's shopping list now. I have 10 other books to finish reading first.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Jponce06 said:


> I do wonder how some couples after 20-30 years still have passion while some seem to lose it (after 3).


I think the 'Passion' from OP's post is most comparable with a drug. The same attraction, fun, excitement, but also dependability and grave consequences when used wrong or when addicted to.

Your question has another 'passion' as subject. That passion is that of deeply felt love and appreciation of the other. Passion for the other being itself, not for the own 'highs'.

The fantastic construction works that if this second passion is practiced, the first one comes as a bonus.

Still in love after 35 years....and having great sex. I mean really great, like they should show in movies, but do not because it would be not believed. 

But when sometimes talking about this to others they do not (want to?) understand that the intimacy of understanding, respecting, and appreciating the real person inside of your partner is what comes first. Strangely enough in our eyes they do not want to do the effort. Sometimes because they cannot imagine what we talk about, sometimes because they think we are exaggerating. So they live a life of silent despair while a life of abundant passion is just around the corner. You 'need to perceive and believe' first to be able to obtain.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

See_Listen_Love said:


> Jponce06 said:
> 
> 
> > I do wonder how some couples after 20-30 years still have passion while some seem to lose it (after 3).
> ...


I do wonder of some of us have stronger morals. Those that don't give into the drug, the compliments while there's some that are just easily swayed.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Jponce06 said:


> The middle man why would he even try to Reconcile even after the abortion. The damage, collateral damage and shame has already been done. Also what kind of ****ty ass cops defend a cheater and harass the woman's husband. I've worked with guys who get cheated on and are in R. Yeah the **** talking behind their back is so ****ing brutal, the teasing and berating of their masculinity is heartbreaking. That's why I could never R. I am 100% sure that cop shared intimate details with his friends and made her look like a...hoe. So that dude had the police department thinking his a cuckold and half the town.


The story as I understand it is that there were there were thre other kids involved, the BH's. The WW was an attractive woman and had a B1tch temper. After this blew up, when someone looked at her a little too long at the town pool or in a store she would just go off on them, sometimes screaming. In my opinion, she got the shaming she deserved.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Some women pin all their hopes on their AP. He's a gallant, powerful man that is going to rescue her from her horrible marriage to her revolting husband. He's the future. He's a provider. He's safety.


That's only until she realizes that he makes twice the amount of dirty underwear, farts in bed loudly, is a slob, and only brushes his teeth every other day.

When we only see 20% of a person, and that 20% is pretty great all the time, it blinds us to the possibility (reality) of there being an 80% that could be pretty awful... or just lackluster.

New is exciting... until the air freshener expires.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

LucasJackson said:


> *The kind of passion these people are looking for is at the emotional level of an 8th grade girl. It's embarrassing when it's a woman in her 40's looking for the type of love found in jr. high school.*


That pretty much sums up my WW last affair with her "old" college BF from 30 years past. Never mind the H, the house (mortgage), the children, a job, just run off with Mr. KISA and be finally, truly happy, free from life's commitments. 

A true fairy tale for her... until she got caught with her panties around the ankles. 

Yes... embarrassing. :surprise:


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## drifter777 (Nov 25, 2013)

I think women, in particular, want a husband at home and a wildly sexy guy on the side. They get bored with sex with the old man but want everything he can provide as a life partner. So they find sex somewhere else and all is well. I don't even know how wrong this is anymore as long as the husband never finds out about her cheating. Once discovered WW must make a decision and she usually chooses her safe, plan B husband. For lots of WW's once the whole cheating thing blows over she just finds another guy and starts over again.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

RWB said:


> LucasJackson said:
> 
> 
> > *The kind of passion these people are looking for is at the emotional level of an 8th grade girl. It's embarrassing when it's a woman in her 40's looking for the type of love found in jr. high school.*
> ...


Hate to make you elaborate who caught them?!?


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

drifter777 said:


> I think women, in particular, want a husband at home and a wildly sexy guy on the side. They get bored with sex with the old man but want everything he can provide as a life partner. So they find sex somewhere else and all is well. I don't even know how wrong this is anymore as long as the husband never finds out about her cheating. Once discovered WW must make a decision and she usually chooses her safe, plan B husband. For lots of WW's once the whole cheating thing blows over she just finds another guy and starts over again.


I could never do it. My family would crucify me if I ever staid with an WW. Twin, sister mom and dad. Even myself. My family is so gung ho anti cheating I think because my brother is sterile, sister is lesbian and I'm the last hope. My family name rests on my shoulders


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## drifter777 (Nov 25, 2013)

Jponce06 said:


> _*I could never do it.*_ My family would crucify me if I ever staid with an WW. Twin, sister mom and dad. Even myself. My family is so gung ho anti cheating I think because my brother is sterile, sister is lesbian and I'm the last hope. My family name rests on my shoulders


That's what I thought. That's what 99% of husbands think until they find out their wife cheated. But most men, including me, are actually terrified of losing their wife as she represents the anchor of the life he knows and has become accustomed to so they stay out of pure fear. 

Sometime later the facts of her cheating start to weigh on him and the husband now wants answers to ugly questions. He wants to know why she did this and begins to feel as though he will never be able to trust her again. The mind movies of her and her OM begin destroying his self-esteem and feeding a deep resentment. Over time lots of men grow a pair and divorce. But lots of men remain paralyzed by this fear of losing everything they know so they choose the devil they know and live unhappily ever after. 

I always advise a BH to divorce - always. Reconciliation is a false hope that will fail to bring peace to a BH. 

I will support a BH's decision to stay for his kids because I know what that feels like. Many men are willing to give their life for their children and a BH that stays does just that.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

drifter777 said:


> Sometime later the facts of her cheating start to weigh on him and the husband now wants answers to ugly questions. He wants to know why she did this and begins to feel as though he will never be able to trust her again. The mind movies of her and her OM begin destroying his self-esteem and feeding a deep resentment. Over time lots of men grow a pair and divorce. But lots of men remain paralyzed by this fear of losing everything they know so they choose the devil they know and live unhappily ever after.


Well not for everyone, I think there is a lot of overgeneralization like this that's goes on, likely with some projection behind it. I know very well why my W cheated now, it's not something that keeps my mind twisted up anymore, and I never did have too bad mind movies either, now 3 years later it hardly crosses my mind, and if it does its swift and not too bothersome at all.
I think I understand part of the reasons why a lot of men have mind movies, but thats another topic thread altogether. I am certainly not paralyzed by fear, if anything I have more confidence and self-esteem now than before, and a larger more experienced view on life and marriage.

Not picking on you by any means drifter, you are a good man and totally understand what you are saying, and believe me I hate infidelity and do also strongly believe a BS should file for D immediately upon discovery, hands down, a strong message needs to be sent to CS....wether to finalize D or not can happen later and totally based on BS decision and timeline.....but I am a BH in recovery still 3 yrs out and no longer living unhappily or paralyzed by anythjng about such hideous event.


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## drifter777 (Nov 25, 2013)

CantBelieveThis said:


> ....but I am a BH in recovery still 3 yrs out and no longer living unhappily or paralyzed by anythjng about such hideous event.


That's great - I am glad things are working out for you so well. You seem like a strong, well-adjusted person with good self-esteem and that is a real key for a man to recover from infidelity. Most of us are simply not as emotionally healthy as you are and things like mind-movies and fear of losing your family are overwhelming. 

I can never truly understand how you feel nor can you understand me. But I think we agree on more about BH recovery than not.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

LucasJackson said:


> It's probably always been that way. Look at back in the day when women stayed home all day. What was the #1 type of program they watched? Soap Operas. Passionate affairs, cheating, etc. Look at the trashy romance novels they read. Full of passion and cheating. Sometimes some of them get too caught up in the fantasy bullsh*t and before you know it they're in their own affair. They convince themselves it's like the books and shows, all passion, and no one gets hurt.
> 
> The dumber ones leave their families and run off with the idiot AP. The smarter ones have their "holy sh*t" moment and stop the idiotic foolish behavior. As soon as the taboo "passionate" affair becomes a real relationship with responsibilities, issues, bills to pay, etc. a lot of women realize "damn, this is what I already had yet with a WAY better man." Some wise up after divorce and live very unhappy and bitter lives. Others have BS's or even ex's gracious enough to take their sorry butts back. I think the smarter ones wise up and realize all those passionate affair books, movies, tv shows, etc. are fiction. They're not real. I love Star Wars. I don't sit around the house trying to use the force. Why? Because I'm smart enough to know fiction from reality.
> 
> The kind of passion these people are looking for is at the emotional level of an 8th grade girl. It's embarrassing when it's a woman in her 40's looking for the type of love found in jr. high school.


yes this !!! Plus cheating is wrong and it's unethical and those who do it are disgusting


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Yeah, cheaters are disgusting.... horrible.

And if/when they are remorseful and put effort to putting the family back together again. Well, that takes a LOT MORE effort than simply running away and keeping the family broken.
Me getting back into the dating game was getting to be easy... but I still wanted my wife back.


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## Jponce06 (Feb 24, 2016)

Maybe you needed the dating to to get your masculinety back?


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

TaDor said:


> The grass is always greener where you water it.



Not necessarily. The best action is to water it all you can but sometimes your grass is dead and not going to recover.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Jponce06 said:


> I do wonder of some of us have stronger morals. Those that don't give into the drug, the compliments while there's some that are just easily swayed.


All I mentioned is true, but I have absolutely not stronger morals than the next guy. My wife may, though. I think it is a combination of luck and having a more or less kind attitude. I don't know, I see it as a character trait, but not as a personal accomplishment. My father was a good person, and I have half of his genes, and of his education. A good man.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Jponce06 said:


> Maybe you needed the dating to to get your masculinety back?


Nope, not really. How I view myself before and after is the same. The issues I had are co-dependency and hard time expressing myself and talking about OUR issues.
We are both a work in progress... but doing good, all things considering.


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