# Is My Wife Cheating? Signs are there. Facts Are Not.



## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

I'm new to this forum and am hoping for some advice. I'm 49 years old and my wife is a 25 year old Filipina. We've been married for four and a half fine years and we have two beautiful mixed Fil-Am children of 3 and 1 years old. Last fall we visited the Philippines and there was some arguing between us about the rate she was spending our money on her Filipino family. We returned in October and she wanted to go back to work at a fast-food she previously worked at.The general manager (a woman) of this fast-food is a personal friend of both of ours so I agreed. I don't need her income, but I thought if she wanted to save a little nest-egg for her family in the Phils that was fine. Not even a month into her employment she begins telling about this assistant manager who has taken a liking to her, given her 2 raises, and now wants to promote her to manager also. Now I've been around the block, played a cat and mouse game with my cheating ex-wife for sixteen years so I know a red flag when I see it. I told my wife to watch out for this guy as he is probably going to expect some return for his deeds. She tells me he's married. I told her, that doesn't matter. She tells me he's nice. I said, OF COURSE HE"S NICE.
Come January she still seems unhappy at home; very moody, sometimes it's like going home to rattlesnake. Even to the kids she can be irate sometimes. The night before my birthday she tells me she's going to Walmart to pick up my birthday gift so she'll be late. My son wanted to watch a movie so we slept downstairs. Her clockout receipt showed she clocked out at 11:13pm. Arrived home at 1:09Am. Walmart is 5 mins from the house and her job is only 5mins from walmart. She is also out of Uniform, her top and necktie removed only the tee shirt underneath underneath. Seems really fishy to me. She was very reluctant to give up sex and often sleeps on the couch downstairs blaming my snoring. I planned a cruise for the first week of feb. but she seemed totally unenthused by it. Didn't even want to talk about it until I told her I was going to take my older son from a previous marriage instead of her because of her attitude. Then she came around. BTW we all had a good time. Her next wrk day after the cruise though she came home on time, but seemingly aloof. She knew I was awake, but she went to the bathroom, removed her panties then began washing her bottom with water. Later as she slept I checked the panties and there to be a whitish residue on the crotch line. Not feeling well I slept down on the couch that night. Around
Between 1 and 1:30 a vehicle sped through our neighborhood slowing at our house then going around the block and coming by again. This worried me, so the next day I confronted her about all my worries and of course she denied any wrong doing. I took her clock out receipt to the general manager at her job (our friend) asking if anyone could falsify this she she seemed annoyed by this but said NO, she was the only one who could change the times. Things got pretty dicey between my wife and I after that. She stayed awake alot of the night like she was thinking and didn't seemed very unhappy, of course saying, 'I didn't trust her.' 
Since then I have take "steps" to protect myself. But the manager in question has either quit, or been fired from the restaurant. My wife says he quit and has another job. I suspect the general manager may have suspected something after I contacted her. If these two were doing the deed they would have had to literally be doing right there in the office especially the night I described, because the numbers add up. Her clock out times and drive home time are good. Also vehicle mileage is right on for the distance. Have a cell phone tracking software on her phone but everything is good and accounted for. No suspicious numbers. Only thing is she has just added Skype to her cell phone. Any suggestions welcome


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Put a var in the car to catch her talking to him.

Yes, she is behaving like a cheating spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

if the panties havent been laundered yet you can send them to a lab for semen testing


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

do not let it go.keep looking until you find answers and you know she is or isnt cheating. i suspected for 2 months and did nothing.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

rock said:


> My wife is american filipino (born here, doesn't speak tagalog/native). Did you meet your wife in the philippines? I am just wondering because you are dealing with a whole different type of woman if she has never been "Americanized".



They are a handful for sure.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Unfortunately, I tried to hide them that night but picked a really stupid hiding spot-- on the clothes dryer. So by the next day she had washed them.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Yeah, I met her in the Phils, not a mail order bride though. She does seems very naive to Americanized living. the 49-25 is definetly a head turner to people.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

She clocks in and out at the register when she arrives and leaves. It prints a receipt and she always brings the receipt home and lays it on the counter for me to see. Most of the times I dont ever question them because she's getting home about when I expect her to.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

I installed spybubble on her cell phone which tracks texts and phone calls, also URL visited and photos taken with phone. The GPS tracking function works but is not accurate, especially when the target phone is in a concrete building.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Gps her car


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I may be going off track here but this guy married a 20 year old girl from a poor country when he is 45. So he was pursuing her from even before 20. I am not being a racist but aren't Philippine girls eager to have a white bf/husband. They think having one is ensuring their financial future. I think this happens a lot with Thai wives too. They usually marry the white guy for his money. Usually the wife's family is in financial distress and they do this to save their family. I've read this before but usually after the marriage, the husband always has problem with the bride's family regarding money. If you don't have strong foundation for your marriage, what else can you expect ?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Beware of the Filipina Marriage Scam , By Julie Ackendorf « corruptgenesee.com


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

She worked at the hotel I frequented when I was out in the Phils. Sometimes it's hard to tell the age on Asian women. She looked middle twenties, and she said I looked middle thirties. I know many Fil-Am couples where the age difference is alot greater than ours and they are still going strong. But like many of you, I heard the horror stories too.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

The only thing I'd be concerned with is her time getting home. If it happened once, I wouldn't worry about it.

There are no real signs of cheating. Her attitude towards you could be a reflection of the way you treat her. At 25 I was not into sex all that much. I had zero drive.

The stain in her underwear is normal. Most women go though a discharge stage and ovulation every month. Even at 40, it happens. It starts in your teens when you reach puberty.

I don't think you have enough evidence of cheating. You do have a wife whom is unhappy in the marriage.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Lately(like the last week) things have been good. But she still complains she is not sleeping well at night. She says her lack of sleep is why she is unhappy. One thing I know that is contributing to her unhappiness is the stress of dealing with the children ages 3 and 1. When were in the Philippines last August, her family helped greatly with the care and supervision of the kids, and this made things easy for us. Here in the US we have no one willing to help unless we pay. So that is one major stumbling block.


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## estherdim (Nov 8, 2010)

My Advice to you in this king of situation is that you must be prayerful that one day God will touch her and she will come back to her senses.

Thanks


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

^^^^Did not read?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Honestly, I think she's greatly upset that you won't financially help her family in the Philippines. 

I would be angry too, this is their culture and how they work. Your actions by not helping seem selfish to her. Therefore, she's short with you.

Just because she didn't have her undershirt on doesn't mean she cheated. Perhaps she was hot working the grill or the drive thru. I worked at a ff joint and it was hot. I'm sure she applied for this position and got it due to great work ethnics. I'm sure she works very hard unlike the teenagers there. Her age helped get that position. She's not a teenager. Although, teens can get a managers position. A few of my friends did when they were young. It's very easy to get a managers position at a fast food joint. All you do is apply. The pay raises are standard. After the probation period there's a raise and the managers position. Fast food is a franchise, which there is a standard protocol they go by for giving out raises. 

Of course she's working, she has an obligation to help her family. There are not too many jobs that hire without a college education and/or skill.

I don't see any signs of cheating. I hope your not accusing her due to your insecurities. You are much older then her, your not on the same maturity level as she. She'll get there, but it will be a couple years.

There's nothing wrong with a mail order bride. My grandmother was one. My grandfather treated her like dirt. It showed. All the kids grew up with alcoholism and addictions(all 13 children). My grandmother was from Germany, moved here, then looked for a husband. My grandfather's wife had died, so he was looking for a woman to raise his one child and wanted more. My grandmother worked her best with what she had.

If you want your marriage to work, I suggest marriage counseling. Stop accusing her of cheating when you don't have proof. Like phone texts and email proving of an affair. I honestly don't think your wife is cheating.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

What is her nature? You have not mentioned about this. Getting to doubt is easy. The male boss is gone. Now why you still carry doubts in your mind?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Here's a little trick: When you see that car driving by again late at night, pull your car out and park it on the next block-then see who rings the doorbell. The suspected OM was seeing if it was safe to stop by.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

The male manager is gone from the job, but still lives relatively close.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

"Honestly, I think she's greatly upset that you won't financially help her family in the Philippines. "

I have been and still do support the family to the tune of $200 a month. That is more than an entire average Filipino makes in a month. What I am NOT entertaining is the barrage of requests for money from other friends, relatives and neighbors for vehicle purchases, Internet cafes, and Sari-Sari stores, etc. She will so realize that she is sending alot of her hard-earned money only to be squandered by greedy relatives on foolish business ventures.

I do love my wife very much and I don't abuse her. I am a family man and believe in doing things together with the family. I want her to be as committed to OUR family as she is to trying to make a better life for her family in the Philippines. Sometimes it seems as though she is willing to put us in the poor house just to make a better life for them.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

UPDATE: The last week my wife has been complaining she thinks something is wrong with her mind. Also claims she hasn't been sleeping, and during the day all she seems to do is try to taek naps. Last Friday she went to the doctor (MD) and they put her ZOLOFT (anti-depressant). They also referred her to a therapist. I still get the rattlesnake mood two or three days a week and it usually is when she says she hasn't slept. Have installed keylooger and monitoring software on computer and cell phone for 2 weeks now-- nothing. Possibly nothing was going on? Also possible she is depressed because she is not in contact with the OM as the sleepless nights for her have gotten worse.


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## NyTransplant (Jul 2, 2014)

Sorry to say, but I think it's because of your age. I've seen so many situations where the pinays find different men, especially african americans... It's not a racial thing, but I think that the age thing gets to them, because they probably have friends in healthcare (almost all pinays are in healthcare...), and they talk, especially about who their husbands or boyfriends are. Maybe she also believes the viagra commercials and would rather be with someone younger who could satisfy them. Anyways, I'd say the signs are there where she is cheating. It's difficult to trust the mail order females, because once they're settled here, sometimes the unexpected happens... Hope you find closure or mend the fence to save the relationship.


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