# My husband wants to leave and I want to work on our marriage. Help.



## Elizabeth1974 (Jun 11, 2010)

Well, my husband has agreed to three sessions with a marriage counselor. However, he has agreed due to me pleading with him to give us a small chance and then I will agree to a divorce if he still feels there is no hope. He even yelled at me “Three sessions and that is it, I have had it with this marriage. I can’t take any more.”

My husband and me had a dispute last week which led to me saying, I am walking away from this argument and I left him in the room alone. He then, begining last Tuesday, started sleeping on the couch. He recently told me he wants a divorce,, this was last Saturday. Since then has now begun to not eat my food, stays sleeping on the couch and doesn't talk to me. He has taken our wedding pictures off of facebook and has stopped wearing his wedding ring. Have I completely lost him? A couple of days ago I got him to agree to see my therapist for 3 couples sessions and after that he will decide if there is no hope on his side. I started a therapist to help start the process of therapy together. I want to save my marriage.
He wants to divorce me but has said fine (by me harrassing him) to go to 3 sessions with my therapist. Today I pushed the issue a little further and he said he will give it until August 1, 2010, because he states he doesn't want to be an evil guy and I am such a "pain in the A%s." We have had arguments in the past that were bad (not physical) and they have gotten better. That is my belief that they have gotten better and two weeks ago he even said we are making progress. Today was our first session with my theraist as a couple. He started the session by saying "I don't fell we work, I have no energy to work this out either and this is how I feel." He utilized session to talk about our arguments and how I always get the last word and walk away which is the majority of why he wants to leave. He states that I walk away from him in an argument before he finishes what he has to say.
Should I ignore him and give him space, and wait for him to approach me whenever? I have been trying to connect with him for the past week and he has been busy telling me to get the F*%#k away we are over and done. 

We have been married for 1 year and a half.


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## GoDucks (May 19, 2010)

I'd say if you only have 2 more couple sessions, and you also have until 8/1, then you need to be setting some SERIOUS 1:1 sessions for you. Weekly, if you can swing it with time & money.

Before you go, get out a journal and write down all the issues he has mentioned: you mentioned a few here. Some of these are things you can work on solo... Sounds like the way you argue may be an issue, or maybe your need to get in the final word -- he doesn't need to be in on all of the discussion for the two of you to make real progress.

Then, use those two remaining counselor session to help you express the ways in which you are working to prove this marriage really matters to you, and start to rebuild with the two of you. It has to move toward healing *a little* or your sunk. 

I will say... Being on the other side -- I'm at the point that I'm ready to leave my H, and we are in counseling. The fact that he is honest and forward in the sessions matters A LOT to me. The minute he tells a line of BS or doesn't participate, I will completely check out. It has to matter to him, because I do believe there are a few issues that root back to his ability to be in a relationship (or be a parent, or something). I know I'm also responsible, but I'm to the point that I cannot fix him. He has to be in this just as much as me.


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## lola_b (Aug 28, 2009)

I would also like to suggest two books to you:


The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Both books are by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

Stop pushing him about being married and saving the marriage and start focusing on yourself and try and discover your faults as to why the marriage is falling apart. No blame games.

Also, see if your husband will read the book on the marriage aspect...he might gain a better understanding of women.

Good luck!


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