# Need Help Moving On



## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

Hi Everyone. I have been lurking here for a little while and finally got the courage to ask for some advice. Hope i explain my story correctly.

About five years ago me and my wife were constantly fighting and snapping at each other. She asked for a seperation, and although i beleive it is either in or out, I agreed to it. 1 month later she came back to me and said she was sorry and beleived the seperation was stupid. I was over the moon.

However, 2 months later I caught her having an EA with someone she met on a chat site. I became suspicious because she would freak out if i picked up her phone. I could only find raunchy text messages between her and the other guy and i confronted her about it. She cried and apologised, and phoned the guy on the spot telling him not to contact her again. she also gave me her login on the website and i monitored it for a while, but then closed the account. 

The next part is what i can not get over

Another month after that i found out that the had some kind of relationship with her boss. Her boss was going throug a messy devorce and while we were seperated they would call each other as late as 2am in the morning and the calls would last over 2 hours. She swears she was only helping him through his D and nothing emotional or physical happened but could not tell me what they talked about. To make a long story short, i wrote it off to being seperated and tried to move on.

However, i can not seem to get this out of my head. She still works for him and it is a very small company. There is also a password on her phone so i can not go snooping around there. She is constantly on the phone chatting with someone. If I ask her about her chatting she says it is my mom, her sister or her friend. Sometimes she shows me the messages, other times nothing.

We have one boy with another child on the way. Her moods go from happy to angry in a heartbeat. Sex is good one month, bad another. She gets irritated very quickly, and she is more on the phone than usual... I know the moods and LD\HD could just be pregnancy and i really feel that i am to blame here for not being able to shake this feeling. Everytime we talk about it she tells me that nothing happened.

Any advice on how to get over this would be appreciated.


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

Is she amenable to marriage counseling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

It takes time... It's been a year and a half for me. But it gets easier over time. What helps me I think is knowing that we are in MC.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

We have not gone to counseling. do you think that would help me? Honestly, I just feel that if i knew what exatly happened, i could move on. But all she ever says is that nothing happened and she loves me and no one else.


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

And talk to a family member, sister, brother, if you can trust them to support your goal. You will need that sort system. Pastor works if you dont have a family member you can trust. You may be talking daily. Take care of yourself too. Eat. Run. I'm really sorry you ar are here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

baksteen said:


> We have not gone to counseling. do you think that would help me? Honestly, I just feel that if i knew what exatly happened, i could move on. But all she ever says is that nothing happened and she loves me and no one else.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

baksteen said:


> We have not gone to counseling. do you think that would help me? Honestly, I just feel that if i knew what exatly happened, i could move on. But all she ever says is that nothing happened and she loves me and no one else.


Sometimes it takes a third person, a marriage therapist to help. Sometimes the spouses need to hear what time it is from that helping person. If marriage is what you want... Not everyone knows how to do marriage. I didnt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

And... What she did is not your fault. Remember that. Her choice is her flaw.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

FrusteratedJoey said:


> And talk to a family member, sister, brother, if you can trust them to support your goal. You will need that sort system. Pastor works if you dont have a family member you can trust. You may be talking daily. Take care of yourself too. Eat. Run. I'm really sorry you ar are here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Will try the counseling route. thanks for the advice


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

baksteen said:


> i really feel that i am to blame here for not being able to shake this feeling.


The blame you must take is for not taking the steps to shut down your wife's EAs permanently. You'll find it here. The fact that your wife keep stepping outside of marriage is ALL ON HER. Never accept any blame for that.



> Everytime we talk about it she tells me that *nothing happened*.


On the contrary, she's had two(or is it three) EAs _that you know about. _

What's the background on your separation? She asked for it. Did you move out, or did she? The month you were apart was when she turned her EA (whilst you were fighting) into a PA. You didn't see it for what it was as she didn't tell you and she suffered no consequences. This is why you're here now. It seems like it was the boss (whilst you were separated? Apologies if I got that wrong) that she still works with... not good.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

Thanks, I just feel stupid for not being able to get over it after all this time. I thought I would be able to, but obviously not..


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Read the newbie link at the bottom of my post, really read it...

Also get this book ASAP, will really open your eyes about E/A's 
Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"

I know your hurting and it sucks big time, but you need to be strong and demand respect from your wife, if she is involved in an E/A they is no way you can nice her out of it..NO WAY in hell.

She needs to see that they are consequences for her actions and YOU have to be able to throw the marriage out the window in order to save it....sadly that is true, you need to be the strong one here.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Exactly why does she have a password on her phone that you do not know? She had an EA and possibly a PA with her boss (jury is still out on that one). She should be fully transparent with you to show how committed she is to making your marriage work. 

This is a huge red flag. Get that password. If she refuses to give it to you than start worrying. Also, why have you not looked at the phone records yet to see exactly who she is talking to? Why are you guessing?


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

azteca1986 said:


> What's the background on your separation? She asked for it. Did you move out, or did she? The month you were apart was when she turned her EA (whilst you were fighting) into a PA. You didn't see it for what it was as she didn't tell you and she suffered no consequences. This is why you're here now. It seems like it was the boss (whilst you were separated? Apologies if I got that wrong) that she still works with... not good.


I moved out.
If it was a PA it would have to be the boss. He is the only one she was in contact with (that i know of)
I know this is a stupid Q and i am probably going to get flamed for it, but do you realy think it went physical? i feel that if it did she would have told me already after the many talks we had? or am i just naieve (spelling) for thinking that.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

baksteen said:


> Thanks, I just feel stupid for not being able to get over it after all this time. I thought I would be able to, but obviously not..


You can't be expected to get over anything, mate, till you know precisely what it is that you're getting over.

You need to find out what exactly went on. And what is going on now. Your wife guarding her phone, pass word protecting it from you are 'red flags'.

Read that newbie link provided by struggling husband.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

strugglinghusband said:


> Read the newbie link at the bottom of my post, really read it...
> 
> Also get this book ASAP, will really open your eyes about E/A's
> Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"
> ...


Will read your link, and will look into the book.

I dont know if i will be able to throw it out to save it, but i know you are right. thank you


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Its called the tickle truth, only admitting little bits and pieces and not telling it all, most cheaters do that at first. Also gas lighting and blame shifting. read the newbie link, these things pretty much follow a script, a affair thrives on secrecy, the thrill the high, once exposed it makes it hard to continue...

Also you never dealt with the other stuff its called rug sweeping.

Read the newbie link please it will help you...


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

You are naive baksteen. Sadly, you situation is not unique and there are plenty of people who were also naive till they got an education the hard way.

(Nobody is going to flame you)


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

LoriC said:


> Exactly why does she have a password on her phone that you do not know? She had an EA and possibly a PA with her boss (jury is still out on that one). She should be fully transparent with you to show how committed she is to making your marriage work.
> 
> This is a huge red flag. Get that password. If she refuses to give it to you than start worrying. Also, why have you not looked at the phone records yet to see exactly who she is talking to? Why are you guessing?


Her phone is in her name. also, the records go to her email at work. It has been that way since we met.

will try to get the password.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

azteca1986 said:


> You can't be expected to get over anything, mate, till you know precisely what it is that you're getting over.
> 
> You need to find out what exactly went on. And what is going on now. Your wife guarding her phone, pass word protecting it from you are 'red flags'.
> 
> Read that newbie link provided by struggling husband.


Never thought of it that way, thanks.

I will read the link, you have my word.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

A friend was going through a very messy divorce. I was on the phone to her for 2 to 3 hours at a time. So what she said to you is perfectly plausible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

baksteen said:


> Her phone is in her name. also, the records go to her email at work. It has been that way since we met.
> 
> will try to get the password.


If your going to get her phone you don't try, you do it, just take it and TELL her you want the password, you don't ask. If she gets all nuts then you have your answer as to what it may contain. If she has nothing to hide, why not give you the phone? Also be prepared that she may have erased the messages since she knows your upset.

Or you can sit back and gather Intel and lay low until you get what you need, proof or maybe nothing is going down.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

azteca1986 said:


> You are naive baksteen. Sadly, you situation is not unique and there are plenty of people who were also naive till they got an education the hard way.
> 
> (Nobody is going to flame you)


I sincerely hope nothing happened between them, but it looks like i should be preparing for the worst according to everyones info here.  

I am reading the link provided now.

Thanks again for all the advice


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> A friend was going through a very messy divorce. I was on the phone to her for 2 to 3 hours at a time. So what she said to you is perfectly plausible.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is the same reasoning I had, but what worries me is that she can not remember what they talked about? she could even have lied and told me other things and i would have beleived her, but to tell me she doent remember bothers me.:scratchhead:


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

strugglinghusband said:


> If your going to get her phone you don't try, you do it, just take it and TELL her you want the password, you don't ask. If she gets all nuts then you have your answer as to what it may contain. If she has nothing to hide, why not give you the phone? Also be prepared that she may have erased the messages since she knows your upset.
> 
> Or you can sit back and gather Intel and lay low until you get what you need, proof or maybe nothing is going down.


I think i will leave it for the weekend, and take the phone next week. seeing as i have caugt her firs EA on her phone i feel that she will remove any evidence now. but it could not hurt to check. Is there any keylogging software for blackberrys? maybe take her phone and install it secretly? that might be the only way i will know for sure.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

She was involved in an EA with her boss at the minimum. You need to understand that. It is neither normal, or acceptable, for a married woman to be having prolonged PERSONAL conversations with a male co-worker regardless of the situation. Ans she still works for him ? NO GOOD !

As far as the phone thing, I hate to tell you this but if read through a lot of threads the protecting the phone like it is a million dollar check, and having it password protected, is one of the BIGGEST RED FLAGS indicating a cheating spouse.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Your wife is selling you a bunch of bull****. What phone does she use ?

If she uses the home computer, get a keylogger on it.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

barbados said:


> She was involved in an EA with her boss at the minimum. You need to understand that. It is neither normal, or acceptable, for a married woman to be having prolonged PERSONAL conversations with a male co-worker regardless of the situation. Ans she still works for him ? NO GOOD !
> 
> As far as the phone thing, I hate to tell you this but if read through a lot of threads the protecting the phone like it is a million dollar check, and having it password protected, is one of the BIGGEST RED FLAGS indicating a cheating spouse.


I should have demanded she quit the job, i know that. But it would have financially ruined me. I know this is no excuse and i feel that demanding she quit now would be wrong from me as i allowed her to continue working there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

baksteen said:


> I think i will leave it for the weekend, and take the phone next week. seeing as i have caugt her firs EA on her phone i feel that she will remove any evidence now. but it could not hurt to check. Is there any keylogging software for blackberrys? maybe take her phone and install it secretly? that might be the only way i will know for sure.


Worst case scenario. Black berries are the hardest to crack or keylog. One thing you do now is install a VAR in her car. If worse comes to worse, you could take her phone when she is chatting and go through them.

One thing though. Your suspicions are very real. They are not just in your head.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> Your wife is selling you a bunch of bull****. What phone does she use ?
> 
> If she uses the home computer, get a keylogger on it.


Only uses a work laptop. I can get access to that and i know her password as I had to fix something on it a while ago. Should i put a logger on that?

She uses a blackberry
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I would dna the coming child. Tell her there are no secrets between you two. She has to quit imo.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

LanieB said:


> Do you know why her boss is getting a divorce? Could it have anything to do with your wife? Also, I'm a little confused on the timing of the separation and her pregnancy - are you sure it's yours?? I hate to bring this up (and bring you down), but if she's been cheating, it's always a possibility.


His wife was cheating on him. Our first son looks like me so i am sure he is mine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> Worst case scenario. Black berries are the hardest to crack or keylog. One thing you do now is install a VAR in her car. If worse comes to worse, you could take her phone when she is chatting and go through them.
> 
> One thing though. Your suspicions are very real. They are not just in your head.


VAR? Voice recorder? She is mostly office bound, so i dont think anything would be gathered there, but i could be wrong. Any reccomendations on good ones?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

tom67 said:


> I would dna the coming child. Tell her there are no secrets between you two. She has to quit imo.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I see your point. Child only coming in sept though. Mabey do the keylog thing on her laptop in the mean time?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

Okay, VAR = Voice Activated Recorder.

Thanks for the link


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

Thanks for the link struggelinghusband

so far i have learned that both of us is rug sweeping.
gaslighting also seems like it is part of this...


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

baksteen said:


> Thanks for the link struggelinghusband
> 
> so far i have learned that both of us is rug sweeping.
> gaslighting also seems like it is part of this...


Your learning and acknowledging and that my friend is the first step, a very good first step :smthumbup:.

If the past issues were not addressed and rug swept, no boundaries were put into place, it really all boils down to boundaries, figure out what yours are. If lines were crossed with her boss, She has to leave, no ifs ands or buts..NONE, if they were crossed could you deal with her working 
with him? is that in anyway fair to you? no consequences?

_CUT any and ALL possible ties with the other man/woman. Keeping a person in your life with whom you have had an affair is like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube. Not only is this a confusing message to the other person, it is also EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL to your spouse. It does not matter if you have known this other man/woman since kindergarten,or have to see this person at work. it is time to break those ties. Do what you must to avoid any contact. Convincing yourself that you need to talk to them to 'break it off' only communicates that their feelings, not your spouse's, are what you are most concerned about. Once you have allowed another individual to permeate, invade or undermine your marital union, there is no place for this person in your life. You simply cannot expect your victim spouse to move past the affair as long as you continue communicating with, seeing, or having any type of relationship with this other man/woman. It is in fact an insult to the intelligence of your current spouse for you to say that you can maintain a professional, platonic, or otherwise innocent relationship with this destructive individual. Furthermore, because this person had an affair with a married man/woman, your current spouse knows they have absolutely NO RESPECT for your marriage. Continuing to work with, hang out with, email or chat with this person is probably the single worst possible thing to do if you are wanting to repair your marriage. This is the time to figure out which relationship is the MOST IMPORTANT to you, either your marriage or the relationship with the other man/woman, and behave accordingly. You simply cannot drive in two lanes at once....EVER!_


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

baksteen said:


> I should have demanded she quit the job, i know that. But it would have financially ruined me. I know this is no excuse and i feel that demanding she quit now would be wrong from me as i allowed her to continue working there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Jobs are temporary. If you can survive without her job... and the job is a problem, you have to do what you know is right. Even if that means leading her. I'm really sorry that you might have to put your foot down... And she might respond by walking... But if you do what you feel is right, you will be confident that you tried.


I didnt want to put the show stopper on my wifes girls night out... But when she demonstrated poor.decision making, I had too tell her how I felt about the bar. It sucked for me to tell another adult what I think they should not do, but I had to for my goal. I wanted my marriage. I'm still fighting for it. Mostly now I battle myself. I found that I had to be willing to walk myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

strugglinghusband said:


> Your learning and acknowledging and that my friend is the first step, a very good first step :smthumbup:.
> 
> If the past issues were not addressed and rug swept, no boundaries were put into place, it really all boils down to boundaries, figure out what yours are. If lines were crossed with her boss, She has to leave, no ifs ands or buts..NONE, if they were crossed could you deal with her working
> with him? is that in anyway fair to you? no consequences?
> ...


If lines were crossed then i will absolutely be putting my foot down. financially we are not where we were then. (however, if lines were crossed i fear that i would not be able to recover from 5 years of lies and our M would surely be in serious doubt)


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

baksteen said:


> Thanks for the link struggelinghusband
> 
> so far i have learned that both of us is rug sweeping.
> gaslighting also seems like it is part of this...


It's good (sad though) to see that you are understanding of the plight you are in. I suggest looking at the thread by Russell that was just started the other day and you will learn about another aspect of cheaters - Trickle Truth.

Yeah...Russell is married to his wife for 35 years and she's been having a physical affair for at least 2 years. Go read how he was trickle truthed. Same with TornNBroken's thread. ALL about trickle truth.

Prepare yourself, man. Especially since she was talking for hours at a time in the middle of the night, giving comfort to a GUY who's getting a divorce cuz he CHEATED.

Sometimes things just don't smell good for a reason.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

baksteen said:


> If lines were crossed then i will absolutely be putting my foot down. financially we are not where we were then. (however, if lines were crossed i fear that i would not be able to recover from 5 years of lies and our M would surely be in serious doubt)


She can always find another job, work longer hours what ever is needed, you are already in doubt, but you wont know if you can recover if you don't get 100% of it, how can you recover from something if you don't what it is?

Yes it can be fixed if that's what you want, take the time to really figure that out.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

FrusteratedJoey said:


> Jobs are temporary. If you can survive without her job... and the job is a problem, you have to do what you know is right. Even if that means leading her. I'm really sorry that you might have to put your foot down... And she might respond by walking... But if you do what you feel is right, you will be confident that you tried.
> 
> 
> I didnt want to put the show stopper on my wifes girls night out... But when she demonstrated poor.decision making, I had too tell her how I felt about the bar. It sucked for me to tell another adult what I think they should not do, but I had to for my goal. I wanted my marriage. I'm still fighting for it. Mostly now I battle myself. I found that I had to be willing to walk myself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for everything. You, like everyone else here is firm but understanding. I trueley thought i would be coming here on ideas about how to lose my obsessing over this, but realised that the only way to do that would be to confront the horrible reality that there might have been an EA\PA. Ant that the only way to pass this and feel whole again would be to probably end it. (although i hope it does not come to that as it will be davastating to me to lose 10 years of being together (3 of them M)

I hope you find a solution to your troubles aswell.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

baksteen said:


> That is the same reasoning I had, but what worries me is that she can not remember what they talked about? she could even have lied and told me other things and i would have beleived her, but to tell me she doent remember bothers me.:scratchhead:


I really couldn't remember what I talked about. It was really me letting her decompress about her day I just said "oh, really?" and the like.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> It's good (sad though) to see that you are understanding of the plight you are in. I suggest looking at the thread by Russell that was just started the other day and you will learn about another aspect of cheaters - Trickle Truth.
> 
> Yeah...Russell is married to his wife for 35 years and she's been having a physical affair for at least 2 years. Go read how he was trickle truthed. Same with TornNBroken's thread. ALL about trickle truth.
> 
> ...


Thats so bad. helping someone who cheted and then be cheated on yourself. I will go and read up on his situation.

seems like i was also trickle truthed as she can not explain what was said in the phone call. cant remember she said. i met her 10 years ago. we chatted on the phone during that time also for about 2 hours. while i can not remember the specific words i to this day know what we spoke about. family, dreams, life, ambitions, perfect partners, school, work, etc. this is why it is hard for me toaccept that she remembers nothing from the convo's


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

Baksteen, jammer dat jy jouself hier vind. Die proebleem is dat you vrou nie alles vir jou vertel het nie. Dis hoekom jy dit nie can oorkom nie.

Sorry you are here!


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

strugglinghusband said:


> She can always find another job, work longer hours what ever is needed, you are already in doubt, but you wont know if you can recover if you don't get 100% of it, how can you recover from something if you don't what it is?
> 
> Yes it can be fixed if that's what you want, take the time to really figure that out.


I have told her before that i need to know exactly what happened to move on and her only reply is nothing happened.

i want it fixed, she is the one i chose to spend the rest of my life with. i only hope that all this is a misunderstanding and i am over reading, but from what i have learned here is that if i do not investigate further, and if i do not go for counseling, that i will not get over it and surely this M will be doomed.

Will update on Monday as to her behaviour and if i could see anything on her phone.
Thak you all for all your advice. Wish I found this site much MUCH sooner.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

oddball said:


> Baksteen, jammer dat jy jouself hier vind. Die proebleem is dat you vrou nie alles vir jou vertel het nie. Dis hoekom jy dit nie can oorkom nie.
> 
> Sorry you are here!


Dankie. 

How did you know I was from SA?


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> I really couldn't remember what I talked about. It was really me letting her decompress about her day I just said "oh, really?" and the like.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I really hope this is the same in my situation.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

By the way, iPhones are very tough to spy on. Blackberries, however, are a breeze. Google for Blackberry spy software. There are a number of good ones that are relatively inexpensive and many will give you texts, emails, call logs, photos taken or saved to the phone, gps locating of the phone, etc. You will need access to the phone to install it and will need her password if she has one that locks the phone.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

baksteen said:


> Thats so bad. helping someone who cheted and then be cheated on yourself. I will go and read up on his situation.
> 
> seems like i was also trickle truthed as she can not explain what was said in the phone call. cant remember she said. i met her 10 years ago. we chatted on the phone during that time also for about 2 hours. while i can not remember the specific words i to this day know what we spoke about. family, dreams, life, ambitions, perfect partners, school, work, etc. this is why it is hard for me toaccept that she remembers nothing from the convo's


I hate the idea of putting thoughts in anyone's head, so I will tell you this of my wife, Regret214 on the forum. In the weeks following our Dday, she often used the Selective Memory Loss excuse when I would ask her about things. Like, the week before she last saw him they texted over 60 times - something that according to the logs was very atypical.

She said, "I don't remember what was said in the texts".

She used that excuse for a long time until I was able to get copies. Then she remembered everything.

That excuse was never used again.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

baksteen said:


> I really hope this is the same in my situation.


Don't kid yourself, brother.

We're talking about someone who hid these middle of the night phone calls to a man who is getting a divorce because of infidelity.

It's best to look without the blinders on.


(my apologies for sounding harsh)


EDIT: Besides...she's already done this sort of thing before.


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

baksteen said:


> Dankie.
> 
> How did you know I was from SA?


Cmon, with a name like baksteen. Where else could you be from.

I have been here since September last year, after catching my wife in a EA. I got a lot of excellent help here. I still read here regularly, and my marriage is much better for it.

Good Luck Baksteen


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

baksteen said:


> Only uses a work laptop. I can get access to that and i know her password as I had to fix something on it a while ago. Should i put a logger on that?
> 
> She uses a blackberry
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok what kind of company does she work for ? You might get into trouble if it is a big multinational company if they find out about a keylogger. A local one, not so much


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> cant remember she said


Lies, Lies, Lies!! Even Russel's wife told him the same thing. There was a poster sometime back whose wife was saying that she couldn't remember the details because of her illness. He waited and one day, he gave her an ultimatum. He told her that you good are as divorced if you say that line one more time. Then suddenly she could remember everything


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Lies, Lies, Lies!! Even Russel's wife told him the same thing. There was a poster sometime back whose wife was saying that she couldn't remember the details because of her illness. He waited and one day, he gave her an ultimatum. He told her that you good are as divorced if you say that line one more time. *Then suddenly she could **remember everything*




It was like a miracle...the blind could now see


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## wodenwilkes (Mar 23, 2013)

baksteen said:


> I think i will leave it for the weekend, and take the phone next week. seeing as i have caugt her firs EA on her phone i feel that she will remove any evidence now. but it could not hurt to check. Is there any keylogging software for blackberrys? maybe take her phone and install it secretly? that might be the only way i will know for sure.


Yes there are keylogging tools out there for blackberry, for more info about such phone monitoring tools check the review.


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

baksteen said:


> About five years ago me and my wife were constantly fighting and snapping at each other. *She asked for a seperation*, and although i beleive it is either in or out, I agreed to it. 1 month later she came back to me and said she was sorry and beleived the seperation was stupid. I was over the moon.
> 
> However, 2 months later I caught her having an EA with someone she met on a chat site.


Sorry for throwing more fuel on the fire, but many times when a wife asks for separation it's code-speak for ... "_I'd like some time to pursue my affair without you watching over my shoulder_".

The fact you caught her in what you "think" was only an EA shortly thereafter makes me think she had some type of affair going on prior to her move-out. Might explain some of her irritability and arguing at the time. It would explain a lot.

The fact that you find yourself in your current situation adds even more credence to this potential scenario. In my opinion, she's been at this for a good while.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

Update:

As Luck would have it I guessed the right code to her phone last night. Went through all the messages, photos, etc. nothing to indicate any form of A. There is one picture of her bra, but i suspect that is because her breasts changed a lot during this pregnancy.

Also found an email on her phone where she mailed all her passwords to herself. So i took the liberty of remembering the FB password aswell as yahoo messenger. been loggen on all morning on yahoo with available status, but so far only her friends that are trying to talk to her. FB also checks out.

So either she is very good, or i have been worrying for nothing. wil keep monitoring. only other thing to do is the keylogger on her laptop.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> Ok what kind of company does she work for ? You might get into trouble if it is a big multinational company if they find out about a keylogger. A local one, not so much


Local. I do thier IT and the manager wanted it installed on another persons laptop anyway. No harm in forwarding her logs to me anyway.


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## baksteen (Apr 19, 2013)

wodenwilkes said:


> Yes there are keylogging tools out there for blackberry, for more info about such phone monitoring tools check the review.


Thanks, will check it out


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