# opinions on cheating



## oceanlife5 (Nov 9, 2013)

So here is a detailed description of all that happened...Friday March 21st I (the wife) was upset at my husband for collecting trash and items from the garbage again. We fought, I yelled etc. That night he never came home, despite my apologies and stating i was wrong and that i was sorry. For me that was the last straw, him not coming home again. Something he did a lot to me. He yet again stayed at his office drinking himself to death. It was our one year anniversary, so that upset me a lot. I did not see him for 5 days because on the following Monday he called me saying he broke open the front door and took all my things. My computer, tv, clothes, pictures, collectables, art work etc. That being said along with the drinking, i was scared to death. I took my children and got a hotel for a few days. I then hired a lawyer based on him saying he had a lawyer. The separation/custody court process started. During that time we did not talk only sent nasty texts. My husband than began a relationship with a past ex of his. He would post on facebook him taking her to dinners, fancy lunches, spending weekends at her home with her and her children. He states he never had sex with her. Yet he slept over night. On his computer I saw pictures he took of her laying in her bed with her stomach exposed and his hand on her body. He claims all he did was spend money on her and get drunk several times and sleep over. My husband and I are currently speaking. All of this is worse to me than the not coming home, the drinking and the stealing of my things. I believe he cheated. I have read online that it is classified as a emotional affair. He still denies cheating and only calls it inappropriate behavior. My reason for the post is he said go get outsiders opinions as to if they think he cheated. I would appreciate opinions and comments from others as to how they view this.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Why are you trying to get others opinions? Are you really thinking of going back to him? REALLY????


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes he cheated. At the very least it was an emotional affair. But I doubt that. It was most likely a physical affair.


Please tell me that you are not thinking of going back with his man.

No one needs to be married to a drama queen alcoholic.


"I (the wife) was upset at my husband for collecting trash and items from the garbage again. "

Just to get clarification, do you mean that he was going through people's garbage to get things? What does he collect from the garbage?


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Yes he cheated. At the very least it was an emotional affair. But I doubt that. It was most likely a physical affair.
> 
> 
> Please tell me that you are not thinking of going back with his man.
> ...


She's right. He was going to do this regardless on whether you nagged him about garbage and I also doubt it was an EA only.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

There is no way on god's green earth that this was not a physical affair. An emotional affair is just as bad, but this was both. Without a shadow of a doubt.

I really hope you're not going to reconcile with him.


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## Mulder (Jul 9, 2014)

Wow, I'm so sorry you are going through this - and that your kids are suffering through this as well.
Being that you are only 1 year into this and you have all that going on - it doesn't seem realistic to fix does it?? How did this start and all fall apart in one year? Did he communicate that there was issues and try to work them out? Has he been an alcoholic since day one of your marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

frusdil said:


> There is no way on god's green earth that this was not a physical affair. An emotional affair is just as bad, but this was both. Without a shadow of a doubt.
> 
> I really hope you're not going to reconcile with him.


You hit the nail on the head. There isn't a man alive that would be in a half-dressed woman's bedroom with his hands all over her that didn't want to have sex with her.

If she was just the slightest bit willing, and her allowing him into her bedroom while laying there half dressed would seem to indicate she was, then you can bet they had sex.


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## Mulder (Jul 9, 2014)

Mostlycontent said:


> You hit the nail on the head. There isn't a man alive that would be in a half-dressed woman's bedroom with his hands all over her that didn't want to have sex with her.
> 
> If she was just the slightest bit willing, and her allowing him into her bedroom while laying there half dressed would seem to indicate she was, then you can bet they had sex.


Oh - and yeah there's that too - alcoholic, hiding stuff and trust issues, only one year in, skips your 1 year anniversary and is gone for several days and then you have the fact that he's checked out of your bed and into someone else's. 

Are you looking for a way to end this or save it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> "I (the wife) was upset at my husband for collecting trash and items from the garbage again. "
> 
> Just to get clarification, do you mean that he was going through people's garbage to get things? What does he collect from the garbage?



der's GOLD in dem der trash cans!:rofl:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good Afternoon Oceanlife5
From what you describe he sounds like a violent drunk, that you say "scared you to death". I don't see that it matters at all whether or not he cheated, unless it has legal implications for divorce in your jurisdiction. His behavior without cheating so so bad that you absolutely should leave him.

BTW: The key issue to me here is that Oceanlife5 was frightened. I don't care if her fear was justified (but I expect it was). No one should live with someone who frightens then.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Yes, he cheated. And yes, you should get out of this marriage.

Even before he cheated, he was not fit to be a spouse.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I believe he wants you to believe he cheated. Either he has maintained a relationship with this "ex" throughout your entire one year marriage, or he has enough evidence left over to make it look good. His intention was to make sure you believed he was with her. Very hurtful. Deliberately hurtful. All this in the name of revenge. What does it matter whether or not he actually had sexual intercourse with her? He administered the full impact of cheating by posting the pictures. 
Like many here I'm wondering why either of you wants to continue your relationship. 
MN


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Why do you even want to be with him? Finish up the papers and be done with it. Let him to dig in a trash can drunk with his new (ex) girlfriend. Sounds like you'd be better off without him anyway.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I'm sure you'd like to know, but what does it matter? You can spend your time arguing with him whether it was cheating/inappropriate.whatever or you can focus your energy on moving forward with the separation and custody.


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

This is a grey area. You started the divorce proceedings and was separated already. 

Its not uncommon to start dating before your divorce is finalized. Some see it as cheating since the marriage is still legal.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm confused... why is he digging through people's trashcans (aka "dumpster diving")?


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Whether or not the H in this story cheated is the least of the W's problems.


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## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

Weather it was an EA or PA the guy set out to hurt you and publicly posted stuff on FB not just for you to see it but did he not realise that everyone else would too. Public humiliation = no respect.

I wonder how an issue over the garbage would make someone act the way he did. It is a ridiculous and unreasonable excuse for his actions.

I feel for you and hope whatever you decide that you get to a happier place x


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Oh, and save those pics for the divorce.


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

I too want to understand about the garbage. lol


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## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

> I'm confused... why is he digging through people's trashcans (aka "dumpster diving")?


How else is he gonna find someone to have an affair with?


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