# Betrayed



## kiwoz (Oct 22, 2012)

I have been with my husband for 12 yrs, married for 7. We have a beautiful son 2yrs but since he was born, it has put a little strain on our relationship.
Around the same time my husband has been going overseas for work. When he came back the last time I discovered he had been sexting an old girlfriend and sending her short xrated clips of what he want to do to her. I confronted him and he apologised saying that he would never see her again and we agreed it was a wake up call for both of us and have tried to put it behind us.
He is away overseas again and I found on a credit card statement that he has been spending $400 a month for the past 3 months on an online dating site to meet women for dating and marriage in the country he has been going for work. I am completely floored and don't know what to do. He arrives back in a few days.
All I can think of is what it will do to my young son who I love with all my heart.
I'm so disillusioned.


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Well, you've got to change something.

The hardest, but cleanest, thing to do would be to start divorce proceedings. You can tell your husband that after the first cheating episode you made it clear that one of your boundaries is that if your H cheats you will leave the marriage. The credit card bill clearly shows that he has violated that boundary. Therefore you have no choice but to file.

If he pleads for you to give him a second chance for the sake of your child, you will need to lay out your conditions. I'd suggest that your H change jobs so he no longer has to travel overseas. If he is unable to do that, then ask yourself if it is possible for you to go with him. If it is possible for him to rework his job, but it will take him 6 months to a year to do so, you can decide if you are willing to stay together in an in house separation or as a married couple while he works these things out. 

There are a lot of women who can forgive one affair, but very few who will stay with a habitual cheater.


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## kiwoz (Oct 22, 2012)

Thank you for you measured insight. I am completely shattered by this as up to a few months ago I had complete trust in H. Now everything I see seems to reinforce that I have been walking around blindly as far as he is concerned.
It is hard for him to change jobs as we have just bought into this business that takes him O/S and he is the key to making it work.
I work too, so going with him is not really an option as he goes every couple of months for up to 10 days at a time.
I will take your advice on board and confront him when he gets back.
Thanks


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