# Wife sore for days after sex?



## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

Any women encounter this?

My wife and I have had our ups and downs with sexual frequency over the years. Lately, we seem to have less frequent but more intense encounters. Last week we had sex three times within a 12 hour period. The sex was pretty vigorous and she came multiple times from both oral and using a vibe during PIV. At no time that day did she complain of discomfort.

The next day when I initiated, she told me she was sore and would be out of commission for the next week. Anyone else ever experience this or is this just her way of putting me off?


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

IMO saying she's sore is fine. I agree it is off she didn't mention it to you before you tried to initiate again. The 'out of commission for the next week' is too predictive, that part was certainly putting you off.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

mitchell said:


> Any women encounter this?
> 
> My wife and I have had our ups and downs with sexual frequency over the years. Lately, we seem to have less frequent but more intense encounters. Last week we had sex three times within a 12 hour period. The sex was pretty vigorous and she came multiple times from both oral and using a vibe during PIV. At no time that day did she complain of discomfort.
> 
> The next day when I initiated, she told me she was sore and would be out of commission for the next week. Anyone else ever experience this or is this just her way of putting me off?


Yes, I've been sore after sex but it only lasted a day if that... just how rough is your beard?

Is she sore around her vulva or is she sore inside her vagina?

I think it's possible she was exaggerating but it's impossible to know without a little more info.

Whether she is or isn't try a soothing rub down and massage with coconut oil. Agree with her no sex you just want to rub her down and help her relax and heal. I bet her hips starts start wiggling anyway.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

Redheadguy said:


> IMO saying she's sore is fine. I agree it is off she didn't mention it to you before you tried to initiate again. The 'out of commission for the next week' is too predictive, that part was certainly putting you off.


I guess that's what is bugging me. Almost like she is telling me to go away for a week.

I've had her mention soreness in a playful way in the past. "I was sore today. It reminded me of how well you pounded me last night."

But this was the first time she made it sound like she was going to be off limits.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

Hmmm. I hadn't thought of irritation from my facial stubble. I don't have a beard.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

When your wife complains about something, Listen and Ask!

Get more information, get specifics, get details! The goal is to understand her and you can't understand her without knowing her and you can't know her without details!

"I'm sore today."

"You are? Sorry baby, where exactly are you sore? You have to tell me exactly what's going on so I know where the trouble spot is in our sex life."

Depending on how old you guys are, the rough sex sex have made her sore but it also might have made her feel not so cherished and this is her way asking you to show compassion and care and if that's true you sound like you're blowing it.

"I'm sore today."

"Oh."


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

Well, we're pretty old. I'll be 50 this year and we've been married 27 years.

I was just a bit put off by this comment and was curious if other women actually felt sore for several days. I didn't want to ask my wife specifics since it might seem accusatory.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

mitchell said:


> Well, we're pretty old. I'll be 50 this year and we've been married 27 years.
> 
> I was just a bit put off by this comment and was curious if other women actually felt sore for several days. I didn't want to ask my wife specifics since it might seem accusatory.


Won't seem accusatory if you hold her hand while you ask, if your tone of voice conveys concern. 

I'm 52 and sometimes sex does make me sore. My back usually. But we have heating pads and meds for that!


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

mitchell said:


> I guess that's what is bugging me. Almost like she is telling me to go away for a week.


Exactly. either she knows her body VERY well (this will take exactly this long to resolve itself) or she is using it as an opportunity to say "I had enough fun, we are done for a bit, until my tank is empty again, which will be at least a week."



mitchell said:


> I've had her mention soreness in a playful way in the past. "I was sore today. It reminded me of how well you pounded me last night."


Whew, is it getting warm? I've heard that a couple times too, rawr....


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

a couple of questions to zero in on your wife's point of view.

1. How many of the three times in twelve hours did your wife initiate? Did she seem enthusiastic each time; was she really into it?

2. when you say 'pretty vigorous' is this usually the way she likes it and does she seem to dig it this way?

hard to say. yes iv'e had a gf in past say 'you tore me up' even though I was not that vigorous. she always complained i was too large for her. she might just be telling you the honest truth without any agenda. she may have really dug it, but is sore and needs time.

not sure what to make of this. I guess I'm with the others who suggest asking her gently, quietly, no big deal kind of way.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> a couple of questions to zero in on your wife's point of view.
> 
> 1. How many of the three times in twelve hours did your wife initiate? Did she seem enthusiastic each time; was she really into it?
> 
> ...


I like to call this encounter "hotel sex". My wife seems to really get into having sex when we are alone at a hotel. She actually initiated all three sessions. The first when we barely made it into the room (It actually started in the elevator)! She was definitely enthusiastic and kept asking for more (harder, deeper, etc...). This is her typical pattern when we get away for a night. The first hard and fast session is usually followed by a lengthy session of oral. I don't really feel like I'm too rough then, but perhaps I did need a shave. She said nothing that day.

I'm reluctant to ask, because she makes me feel like I'm making a big deal out of it.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Any number of ways she could be sore. Not enough lube means her vaginal walls could have been rubbed too hard and she feels raw inside. Too much clit stimulation could mean she's very sensitive there. Certain positions could cause muscle soreness in legs, hips or back. Scratchy stubble could mean her thighs or vulva are sore. It could be a combination of the above.

Are you inclined to think she lies to you about sex? Because not believing her when she says she's sore seems to indicate that your go-to assumption is that she isn't telling the truth. Why wouldn't you give her the benefit of the doubt? You just had mind-blowing sex with her 3 times in a day - I'd think that you'd have some goodwill there instead of suspicion.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

To me this seems like an interesting comment after what transpired. I'll admit that encounters like we had leave me lusting for more. Sure, she might be sore, but the way it was presented left me feeling like she said "leave me alone for a week." :scratchhead:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

It could be your interpretation. Another way to interpret it is that you were such a stud, she'll be out of commission for a week! Brag to your friends!

Are you on the look-out for reasons to be upset? Do you normally view what she says about sex and her body with suspicion?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

women that age NEED THEIR LUBE! The vag wall thin, and there is not as much natural lube anymore. So yeah, if you were pounding her like it was 1999....she may be really sore.

Buy some high quality lubes, let her pick the one she wants, and USE IT.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

mitchell said:


> I like to call this encounter "hotel sex". My wife seems to really get into having sex when we are alone at a hotel. She actually initiated all three sessions. The first when we barely made it into the room (It actually started in the elevator)! She was definitely enthusiastic and kept asking for more (harder, deeper, etc...). This is her typical pattern when we get away for a night. The first hard and fast session is usually followed by a lengthy session of oral. I don't really feel like I'm too rough then, but perhaps I did need a shave. She said nothing that day.
> 
> I'm reluctant to ask, because she makes me feel like I'm making a big deal out of it.


this illuminates things somewhat.

so she is the instigator. that's good!

as an aside, there is something kinky, sexy about hotel sex.
one time, a motel manager told me a story about how a couple came into the office one day and seemed edgy and in a hurry.
they wanted a room QUICK. hurry up!! so he gave them a room as fast as he could. in half an hour, they were gone (LOL).

so,IMHO i'm a bit more sure that your wife is not using this as a form of distancing from you. she probably doesn't have an agenda. just plain old fashioned sore. it happens..........

I get sore too after 4-5 days in a row. got to take a 1-2 day break


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## ILuvTheDesserts (Aug 29, 2014)

mitchell said:


> I like to call this encounter "hotel sex". My wife seems to really get into having sex when we are alone at a hotel. She actually initiated all three sessions. The first when we barely made it into the room (It actually started in the elevator)! She was definitely enthusiastic and kept asking for more (harder, deeper, etc...). This is her typical pattern when we get away for a night. The first hard and fast session is usually followed by a lengthy session of oral. I don't really feel like I'm too rough then, but perhaps I did need a shave. She said nothing that day.
> 
> I'm reluctant to ask, because she makes me feel like I'm making a big deal out of it.


My wife is the exact same way when we're away at a hotel. I think it's more so because we wouldn't have the 2 little ones with us and something about " doing it " aside from our own bed or home. 

And yes the drapes have been " accidentally " let open a couple of times !?


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

Don't get me started on "hotel sex". My wife is a different person as soon as we check in. It's amazing.

I've thought of how I could buy my own hotel numerous times throughout our marriage.

Once I brought home the do not disturb sign and told her to pretend our bedroom was a hotel room for the night. She didn't find that amusing.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Oh, it could also be a urinary tract infection. It happens when bacteria enter the urinary tract during sex, and it burns and stings and might require antibiotics.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

norajane said:


> Oh, it could also be a urinary tract infection. It happens when bacteria enter the urinary tract during sex, and it burns and stings and might require antibiotics.


Good thinking Norajane. I asked her about that, but she says she doesn't feel like she has a UTI.

Sounds to me like her clit is sore. I suspect we paid just a bit too much attention to that area.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Hmm. My H and I have violent sex and it *never* hurts until the next day. I'm sure it has to do with oxytocin and such. I would bet money she's being totally honest and has no agenda.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

omega said:


> Hmm. My H and I have violent sex and it *never* hurts until the next day. I'm sure it has to do with oxytocin and such. I would bet money she's being totally honest and has no agenda.


Thanks for the insight.

While I wouldn't call our lovemaking violent, it was certainly vigorous. Interesting to note that during the act you don't notice discomfort. Must be the throes of passion.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

If you had sex 3 times within a 12 hours period and she wasn't completely wet each time, it could cause soreness that can last a couple of days. This happens to me sometimes when H just wants to get right to it. It can feel chaffed or raw. It can cause little tears in the vulva that can cause some soreness for a day or so...depending on how rough it was or the inside can feel pretty sore if "pounded" too hard for too long.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Yes, I get sore now in my 40's and did in my twenties. 

Something is pounding repeatedly on your body. What's not to understand?


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

If you hit her cervix really hard over and over (wouldn't take much, in my experience), she is going to be quite sore afterwards.

Does she get yearly pap exams? Was the last one A-okay?


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I get really sore after sex. Even with lots of lube.

I guess I take pretty vigorous stimulating to get to orgasm, so husband really works it. I can be sore for days afterwards.

I can still have sex, but husband has to be super gentle, and try to avoid direct contact. It does make it harder to get to orgasm when your going "ouch."

But after I am fully aroused, it barely hurts. The beginning, warming up is the hard part.

ETA: Only my Clit gets sore.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

I guess that is more acceptable than her having a headache?

My wife and I have sex twice a day and there are times when not lubricating properly can cause tears or leave us both raw. It doesn't feel good. The deep inner soreness, my wife loves. The outer tears or ripped labias from too much friction, she hates. If she does end up raw, she will be out of commission for a few days, however there are plenty of other ways to spend time together without PIV.

A week out of commission seems like a long time, maybe you should ask for more details so at least you understand if she is giving you a compliment for being a stud the previous day, or she ripped from not being lubricated enough. If done right, you shouldn't damage a woman from sex multiple times a day. I am slightly above average in size though, so if you are well above average, maybe that is your issue. Not much you can do about that and I don't feel sorry for you


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

All my girlfriends used to complain about being very sore afterwards.
Nothing to do with my 'beard', urinary tract infections or lack of 'lubrication'....just that I am hung like a stallion.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Ok Ok......I'm a twonk AND a liar!

Stallion = wishful thinking!!!!


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

Thanks to all the ladies for their insight! Very illuminating.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

My guess she scratched her itch for a week, that's all. It sometimes happens. You have great/ a lot of sex and you are so satisfied you do not think about sex for the next few days. Until the next itch...

I understand this is just one time thing, not a pattern? if so, than do not overthink it. REad some threads about sex once a month, and see how lucky you are.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> My guess she scratched her itch for a week, that's all. It sometimes happens. You have great/ a lot of sex and you are so satisfied you do not think about sex for the next few days. Until the next itch...


I think you are partially correct.

Why does this affect us so differently? Sex like we just had makes me want to have more. For her she seems satisfied for a while "until the next itch".


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

mitchell said:


> I think you are partially correct.
> 
> Why does this affect us so differently? Sex like we just had makes me want to have more. For her she seems satisfied for a while "until the next itch".


Some people like roller coasters and some people don't. I get off a great roller coaster and want to get right back on! Other people might want to rest a while. Don't take it personally.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I've experiences being sore after sex when it's very, um, vigorous. 

People here have mentioned things that can cause it: too much rubbing until I'm raw, excessive pounding on the cervix, bladder swelling from pounding (often leading to a bladder infection).

To assume your wife is lying is just wrong.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

put the sander away and use your tongue


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I've experiences being sore after sex when it's very, um, vigorous.
> 
> People here have mentioned things that can cause it: too much rubbing until I'm raw, excessive pounding on the cervix, bladder swelling from pounding (often leading to a bladder infection).
> 
> To assume your wife is lying is just wrong.


Would bladder or uterus swelling lead to a slightly visible protrusion in the lower abdomen?


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## KFS (Nov 4, 2012)

Trust me, for some of us women of a certain age, sex can leave us sore. I'm speaking as a HD woman who loves sex, but as I approached and then entered menopause the actual physical sensations in that area changed. Not all women experience this at this stage but some of us do, it's real, we're not trying to deny our spouse when we say we need a short break. Believe me, what I wouldn't give to physically experience sex the way I did in my 20s!


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## Joylush (Sep 28, 2013)

At that age it's very common to be sore. I'm 53, have a very active and satisfying sex life and sometimes sore is an understatement. If I'm not careful it can lead to an UTI. I've had it swell up so bad that only a cold bath will soothe things and it can hurt to walk as I can't even put my legs together. It can feel like red pepper has been sprinkled on the area or that I was bitten by a slew of fire ants. 
This is with being on HRT. I'm sensitive to the estrogen cream which is inserted vaginally and it's hard to find the perfect frequency of use to avoid these episodes of pain. The cream really helps a lot and apparently even though things seem moist we can still be considered dry. Combine this with our older thinner skin and pain after intercourse is very common. There have been times it takes a few days to recover. I also can't wash with any normal soaps anymore (since menopause). They burn whereas they didn't used to. I have to use a feminine wash product which doesn't burn.
Now my 55 year old partner has had occasional issues with being sore himself which is likely age based too. 
We tend to look at it as just one of those things.....he just doesn't seem to mind when I express how mind blowing the sex was and that I'm not going to be able to walk for three days so it can heal.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

Great input Joy. My wife is definitely perimenopausal. While she doesn't feel particularly dry, she may be having issues with thinning and dryness.

She seems much better now and back to normal. She even appreciated some morning wood yesterday!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

mitchell said:


> Great input Joy. My wife is definitely perimenopausal. While she doesn't feel particularly dry, she may be having issues with thinning and dryness.
> 
> She seems much better now and back to normal. She even appreciated some morning wood yesterday!


Haha, Good man! Gave her some good morning wood.


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## Joylush (Sep 28, 2013)

mitchell said:


> Great input Joy. My wife is definitely perimenopausal. While she doesn't feel particularly dry, she may be having issues with thinning and dryness.
> 
> She seems much better now and back to normal. She even appreciated some morning wood yesterday!


Sometimes it hurts/burns terribly but is fine a few hours later. I took a picture once when it was really bad so he could see the pain! I hate to give in and use lube because I don't enjoy too slippery but it does help. As an added point, I didn't even know I was dry. I naturally lube when needed for the most part but during my exam when I started the HRT the practioner remarked that I was dry. Dryness apparently in those tissues isn't always evident because I didn't even realize I was dry. Our hormones can really run amuck sometimes. I had a brief period where I still had desire but it stopped working....to the point I couldn't even do it myself (unheard of). Once I got the hormones back on track I was back to being functional again--thank goodness as that was quite depressing.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Joylush said:


> Sometimes it hurts/burns terribly but is fine a few hours later. I took a picture once when it was really bad so he could see the pain! I hate to give in and use lube because I don't enjoy too slippery but it does help. As an added point, I didn't even know I was dry. I naturally lube when needed for the most part but during my exam when I started the HRT the practioner remarked that I was dry. Dryness apparently in those tissues isn't always evident because I didn't even realize I was dry. Our hormones can really run amuck sometimes. I had a brief period where I still had desire but it stopped working....to the point I couldn't even do it myself (unheard of). Once I got the hormones back on track I was back to being functional again--thank goodness as that was quite depressing.


Have you investigate what you can do diet, health and otherwise to naturally allow your secretions to be higher? Including if it required reduced stress or happier living, that could be a solution if it works.


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## Joylush (Sep 28, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Have you investigate what you can do diet, health and otherwise to naturally allow your secretions to be higher? Including if it required reduced stress or happier living, that could be a solution if it works.


I already live a pretty healthy lifestyle. Can't do much to control menopause and a reduction in estrogen. Hair and skin become drier as well. Keeping well hydrated helps.


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Joylush said:


> I already live a pretty healthy lifestyle. Can't do much to control menopause and a reduction in estrogen. Hair and skin become drier as well. Keeping well hydrated helps.


You haven't found any holy grails that you weren't aware of before?


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## Joylush (Sep 28, 2013)

AlphaProvider said:


> You haven't found any holy grails that you weren't aware of before?


I wish! Desire is good and ultimately worth any pain or after suffering! I feel very fortunate in that regard and honestly I think it might help my dear partner feel better about his age related issues that occur against his will from time to time.....to know he's not alone (not that he wishes it in me or anything).


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## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

intheory said:


> Olive oil (you read that right) is good for vaginal dryness.
> 
> Type "olive oil vaginal dryness" in your search engine, if you are interested.
> 
> ...


Ollive oil is a great lube. Some men use it on their penises, but you get the occasional warning that it is slightly estrogenic.

Being slightly estrogenic might be a great thing for a natural lube to be used inside the vagina.


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