# Not sure what to do



## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Hello all! I'm one of the many who lurk on this site and I have a question. I've been divorced for a little less than a year now and I'm starting to finally get myself out of the rut but I'm still having a bit of an issue that I am constantly trying to battle. 

Everything is usually fine and dandy for about 2 to 3 weeks and then the ExW decides that she wants to gripe about something. Only thing is I really am not doing anything wrong. However, it seems like I am constantly being accused of something regarding finances, my child, etc. I just don't get it. 

Seriously, I'm just trying to move on and raise my child the best I can and yet it's like nothing is ever good enough. Plus, 3/4 of the stuff she brings up I have no idea what she is talking about. She wanted the divorce. I spent a lot of time trying to save it until I found out about the affair and then I walked away. She got what she wanted but the e-mails, texts, and letters just keep coming. And dang, they aren't just a line or two....They are a freaking book. 

Anyway, I'm sure some of you have had experience with this type of behavior. How do you deal with it? I've been just ignoring it like it doesn't exist but I'm getting kind of tired of it to be honest. I just know getting into a peeing contest isn't going to do any good but I can't just continue to allow her to talk to me like this. 

Any suggestions would be appreciated.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Single life isn't the wonderland she thought it would be, and like any wayward spouse she blames you for her problems. 

Keep ignoring her. Or change your e-mail address.


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

@Bandit.45

That's exactly what my dad said. lol

Sure, it gets under my skin a bit but I refuse to admit that. I just keep calm and try to be the grown up. Weird thing is she is already engaged and been living with her affair partner for quite a while now. She should be darn happy. I mean, she got what she wanted. She's with the man she chose. Life is suppose to be peachy!!! 

Thought about blocking her from my e-mail address as it is at my job but I know that there are times when communication has to happen. Maybe I should block her for a day and tell her I'm putting her in time out until she can behave. lol


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

you need to keep communication open as you have a child, correct? If that is the case, when you open it up, when you see what it is train yourself to just delete, don't bother reading...a pain, but you can do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> Sure, it gets under my skin a bit but I refuse to admit that. I just keep calm and try to be the grown up. Weird thing is she is already engaged and been living with her affair partner for quite a while now. She should be darn happy. I mean, she got what she wanted. She's with the man she chose. Life is suppose to be peachy!!!


You should send her fiancee an e-mail thanking him for taking the whack-job off your hands. She's his burden now. 

Go out and enjoy your life. Find some sweet little thing and poke her good.


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## carol (Mar 8, 2011)

I have a few suggestions: First of all you should know that when people act like that, it is about them, it has nothing to do with you. You just happen to be there to dish it out to. Second, you teach people how to treat you. So, tell her that it is not acceptable. And last, work on letting it go. Don't take it personally.






Paradise said:


> Hello all! I'm one of the many who lurk on this site and I have a question. I've been divorced for a little less than a year now and I'm starting to finally get myself out of the rut but I'm still having a bit of an issue that I am constantly trying to battle.
> 
> Everything is usually fine and dandy for about 2 to 3 weeks and then the ExW decides that she wants to gripe about something. Only thing is I really am not doing anything wrong. However, it seems like I am constantly being accused of something regarding finances, my child, etc. I just don't get it.
> 
> ...


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Truthfully, most of the time I completely ignore these type of messages. Anymore I just sit there and think to myself, "damn, that had to take a really long time to type." Boggles my mind. Last thing on earth I want to do is make a long e-mail or txt or letter to her. Oh well. She's getting married soon so I'm sure this nice attention I'm getting will be passed on to him after a while. He can have her!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Do you think she wants you back? sort of like those psycho ex girlfriends?


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

@ complexity

Ha ha ha ha...Nooooooo! First of all, she is in LOVE! Second, she is much too proud to ever, ever think anything is her fault and that she may have made a mistake. Those types of thoughts do not enter her head. After we were divorced I thought back to if she ever said she was sorry for anything and the only thing she ever apologized for was marrying me in the first place! lol....This is the world's first person who has never been wrong before. 

Seriously, though, the two of them deserve each other. Good luck to the both of them. I'm starting to enjoy being single and would never go back down that path, even for the opportunity to see my child every day although it's tough not getting to at the moment.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Paradise said:


> @ complexity
> 
> Ha ha ha ha...Nooooooo! First of all, she is in LOVE! Second, she is much too proud to ever, ever think anything is her fault and that she may have made a mistake. Those types of thoughts do not enter her head. After we were divorced I thought back to if she ever said she was sorry for anything and the only thing she ever apologized for was marrying me in the first place! lol....This is the world's first person who has never been wrong before.
> 
> Seriously, though, the two of them deserve each other. Good luck to the both of them. I'm starting to enjoy being single and would never go back down that path, even for the opportunity to see my child every day although it's tough not getting to at the moment.


HA!!! sounds EXACTLY like my exwife. Completely infallible in their own mind. If they stood there with smoking gun in hand, you were "in the way"...

I am starting to enjoy being single too, and certainly know the part time involvement with the kid pangs...
Glad you are well, glad you are better.


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Shoo

Your story is so similar to mine....Except the OM is still in the picture here. However, if they ever do split up it will be exactly like what you are going through. She will have a new beau within seconds (or if her patterns continue months in advance) of breaking it off with the current one. She is incapable of being alone. 

We'll see what happens with this one, though. Maybe 3rd time is a charm for her.


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## Limping (Oct 5, 2011)

Well I would suggest what I had to do to my ex. I messaged her that if she was going to be disrespectful in our communications then she was to tall me nothing but what I had to know. Other than that, stop calling me. THEN I had to do it... She sent me an email to which I replied. I began reading this and sensed a disrespectful tone. I am replying to inform you once again, I will not read anything of this nature you care to write. Stop wasting my and your time. 

It stopped... Now she actually does do small talk and has not insulted me in months

Bill


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Paradise,

I started getting those same types of emails and calls you were describing early on after we seperated. 

I spent an hour or so one time explaining to her that we are no longer a couple and she will have to deal with her issues by herself. I was no longer interested,willing or informed enough about her life and her actions to help her. 

She was balling her eyes out about an agruement with a mutual friend of ours. I kept calm, cool and collected and kept saying "I don't know anything about what you are talking about, nor do I want to be involved. You are going to have to forge a new relationship with our fiends becasue we are no longer a couple". It must have soaked in becasue those calls stopped.

Good Luck and hopefully they stop. My advice is the calm cool approach and point out of obsurd the issue really is.

Take Care,

Shoeguy


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