# 32 newly divorced



## ku1980rose

Well, I finally got out of my 2 1/2 year marriage a few months ago. It was over about 3 months into the marriage. I mourned my marriage long ago and now it is finally over. Divorce is final! :smthumbup:

I kept positive through the whole thing. I am now 32 and living in my parent's basement to get things back on track. Paying off debts. I quit my job due to many reasons. One was that I couldn't afford a place to live in the town we were in. Plus, it was getting really stressful and we were in a small town with rumors and so much gossip. So, I am much happier right now in that respect.

Although I've maintained a positive attitude through all of this, I'm starting to fall. I'm 32. Not married. No children. I'm glad I didn't have children with my ex, but I can definitely hear my clock ticking. I'm so tired of everyone always saying, "You would make a great mom....why don't you have kids?" I want to be a mom more than anything. Always have. But I chose to make it through college and start a career without the added stress of children. It's just now that I'm starting to feel the pressure.

I guess I just want to share my story and talk to others who may understand. I live in a very small town, very rural area and not much of a dating scene. It's hard. I've dated online, but that seems to lead to long-distance dating and that's so hard. I'm really struggling to be positive lately. Really starting to feel bad about my situation.

Any advice or uplifting stories are appreciated.


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## Lon

Hi Rose, no reason to pressure yourself. As for biological clock I too felt like mid 30's was too late to start over and have a nuclear family again... I didn't want to be changing diapers at age 40. I'm coming around now to being more open to the possibility, in fact just the other day my heart was almost racing with excitement thinking of the possibility of being a father to another child of my own... there are lots of men that you would be the ideal range for and want to start a family too.

And no rush either, don't worry about reverse engineering a future relationship to suit a child, just try to get the most out of each moment and of each day. Also if children are really important to you consider alternative approaches than the traditional one, my ex cousins met and decided to have a child, then buy a house and then eventually marry, they did it all backwards and she was 42 when they had their child, and they have a very good relationship and coherent family, and they didn't meet until they were almost out of their 30's.

Rushing or putting pressure on yourself isn't going to make certain things in life come to you any faster, it will only make the journey more stressful and less enjoyable.


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## Orpheus

KuRose, 32 ain't nothing girl. Hit reset. Get your girl on and take it out on the town!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ku1980rose

Orpheus said:


> KuRose, 32 ain't nothing girl. Hit reset. Get your girl on and take it out on the town!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks! 

Things are just getting me down right now. It feels like I'm dealing with a lot and prospects where I live are low.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

> I'm starting to fall. I'm 32. Not married. No children. I'm glad I didn't have children with my ex, but I can definitely hear my clock ticking.


I had my daughter when I was 40yo.
Best friend married at 39yo and had her daughter at 40yo.
Another friend married at 40yo and had her daughter at 42yo.

It is certainly DOABLE.

Perhaps when you are in less pressing financial straits, you could consider moving somewhere larger for a good job and better dating prospects?

You've only been an adult for 1 decade. You can expect another 5.5 decades. You've got LOTS of time to start over and have the life you WANT!

*hugs*


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## ku1980rose

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> I had my daughter when I was 40yo.
> Best friend married at 39yo and had her daughter at 40yo.
> Another friend married at 40yo and had her daughter at 42yo.
> 
> It is certainly DOABLE.
> 
> Perhaps when you are in less pressing financial straits, you could consider moving somewhere larger for a good job and better dating prospects?
> 
> You've only been an adult for 1 decade. You can expect another 5.5 decades. You've got LOTS of time to start over and have the life you WANT!
> 
> *hugs*


Thank you for that. It is good to know that it can be done.

In my heart, I know that I cannot go back and change things, so it's time to move on with my life and do what I can from here. That's been my positive attitude through this whole thing.

Then, my mind gets the worst of me. I wanted a big family. Multiple children. I'm afraid if I don't start now, then I won't have that. Does it matter? I guess not....except I am regretting some decisions. 

I know there are people out there having children in their 40's. Are they happy? Do they wish they had started younger? Or was that their plan all along?

It's just too bad society makes it seem like people should be married with children by my age. I can go along, feeling pretty good until someone seems totally surprised that I don't have children and worries then that I never will.


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## Freak On a Leash

I'll send my son over to you. One week of living with him and you'll get your tubes tied. :rofl: 

Just kidding. Don't stress out. Just be glad that you didn't waste 24 years of your life like I did in bad marriage. You have your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy it and be thankful for what you DO have, not for what you don't. 

You can't have everything in life. No one can. It's all about balance and trade offs. 

Maybe you won't have kids but you'll have time, money and freedom. Not a bad deal once you get used to the idea. 

The other night I met a single guy who has been divorced for 10 years and never had kids. He's travelled all over the world and is pretty much retired at 49. That's not a bad thing. :smthumbup:


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## moxy

Rose, I hear you on that bioclock; it's a real troublemaker isn't it. Hang in there. You've got time yet.


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## EnjoliWoman

If you don't have six children, then love your one child 6x as much.  Really. Settling and divorcing is WAAAAY worse than having a smaller family than you envisioned.

Maybe you should start searching for jobs online and not put any geographical criteria. Take a risk and move away - it's a grand new adventure full of opportunity for a new life and new people. 

If I had it to do over again I would have divorced and moved far away and started over. But I hung in there too long, ended up with a child and now her life has been torn all apart.


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## COguy

End the end you will be happier at 50 having no kids but making moment to moment decisions then 50, with a 12 year old, and a failed relationship because you were rushing to get a family started.

Having your family fail is a horrible feeling, even more so with children. I know if you don't have kids it feels like it is this important life thing that MUST be done. I can tell you after you have them your perspective changes. You might meet a man with small children, you may elect to adopt a young child. Just whatever you do, don't rush, starting a family is something that should be done with absolute caution and levelheadedness. The last thing this world needs is more kids in divorced homes.


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## COguy

EnjoliWoman said:


> If you don't have six children, then love your one child 6x as much.  Really. Settling and divorcing is WAAAAY worse than having a smaller family than you envisioned.
> 
> Maybe you should start searching for jobs online and not put any geographical criteria. Take a risk and move away - it's a grand new adventure full of opportunity for a new life and new people.
> 
> If I had it to do over again I would have divorced and moved far away and started over. But I hung in there too long, ended up with a child and now her life has been torn all apart.


Couldn't agree with EW more.


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## ku1980rose

Thanks guys! This is exactly what I need to hear. I know it in my heart but my anxiety and depression gets the best of me sometimes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04

Shoooooooooooooooooooooot girlie - I'm 32 too as well. Divorced finalized last month. 

THESE YEARS ARE THE TIMES OF OUR LIVES!!! Don't think you are too old to start life. Just start living for yourself. Everything else will fall into place.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

> Thanks guys! This is exactly what I need to hear. I know it in my heart but my anxiety and depression gets the best of me sometimes.


Well, anytime you feel that way, just come over to TAM and, as my signature says...


Get b1tch-slapped by people who care!


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## Freak On a Leash

EnjoliWoman said:


> Maybe you should start searching for jobs online and not put any geographical criteria. Take a risk and move away - it's a grand new adventure full of opportunity for a new life and new people.


I sure wish I'd done this years ago, back in the beginning of my marriage when it was starting to fall apart. I thought about it but I was too needy, too weak. I was worried about being "lonely". If I could go back in time I'd smack myself HARD in the head. :slap: It's amazing that now I'm almost the exact opposite of the way I was half a lifetime ago. 

I used to dream of getting in my car and heading out west..going to find a new adventure. Instead I took many road trips over the years. I guess I was acting out. I had a great time and am glad I did it but then I had children and began a decade-long battle within myself and with my H because I was ill suited to having small children. In the end I wound up damaging my marriage even more. 

Eventually I got myself together and did good by my kids and now I'm fully committed to them. I here for the duration until they can go out on their own. My daughter is there for the most part and my son is 3 years away from adulthood. When the time is right I'm going to embark on that adventure that I wanted to do years ago. 

Heck, I'm healthy, energetic and I have a Jeep. What else do you need? :smthumbup:


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## ku1980rose

Freak On a Leash said:


> I sure wish I'd done this years ago, back in the beginning of my marriage when it was starting to fall apart. I thought about it but I was too needy, too weak. I was worried about being "lonely". If I could go back in time I'd smack myself HARD in the head. :slap: It's amazing that now I'm almost the exact opposite of the way I was half a lifetime ago.
> 
> I used to dream of getting in my car and heading out west..going to find a new adventure. Instead I took many road trips over the years. I guess I was acting out. I had a great time and am glad I did it but then I had children and began a decade-long battle within myself and with my H because I was ill suited to having small children. In the end I wound up damaging my marriage even more.
> 
> Eventually I got myself together and did good by my kids and now I'm fully committed to them. I here for the duration until they can go out on their own. My daughter is there for the most part and my son is 3 years away from adulthood. When the time is right I'm going to embark on that adventure that I wanted to do years ago.
> 
> Heck, I'm healthy, energetic and I have a Jeep. What else do you need? :smthumbup:



I've definitely thought about relocating but won't be able to for at least a year. I, too, slap myself for not doing it years ago but I was too afraid to move away from family alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04

I am thinking about relocating in the next year-three as well.  

No kids, I don't talk to my family and my friends would come visit. Oh and since the ex has the underwater house I don't have to worry about that either. Now I just have to decide on where to go....


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