# Is this normal? My sex drive is higher than my H's.



## belinda (Apr 14, 2010)

my h and I have been together for almost 5 years, married for 3. our sex life was great before we got married, it was always exciting. It started going downhill when we got married, we have sex less and less and now we only do it once in every 2 weeks. My problem is I have higher sex drive than my H and I'm the one who always initiate sex. I feel frustrated because I want to be desired and wanted and I am not getting that from my H, it doesn't help that I have low self esteem issues and I'm fat.

I never orgasm during sexual intercourse with my husband, I masturbate daily and during sex I always fake my way through it. Orgasm is not important to me I can get that from masturbation but I just need the connection and reassurance that my H is not getting sex from somewhere else. It hurt me alot when I initiate sex he doesn't seem to want it or respond to my seduce, just last night we had a huge fight simply because he actually preferred watching TV over having sex with me.

I also found porn on his laptop and it hurts me thinking that he might prefer masturbating to porn than having sex with him. I never refused to have sex with him and I don't think I am that bad in bed that he has to avoid having sex with me. I am very sad but I don't know how to talk to him (we are asians and sex has always been a hard topic between us)

Is it possible that he doesn't want to have sex with me 'cause i'm fat? or I'm no longer attractive to him anymore? I am dying for an answer


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think you answered your own question , as hard as it may be to hear. Did you gain after the wedding? If so, he may be just one of many men who have a problem with extra weight on their women. Doesn't make it right or wrong, it just IS. 

Is he aware you never orgasm, does this bother him? Some men are bothered by this also, it takes away from the act if they feel they can not "fully" please their wives. 

Communication is the key, tell him you are hurting inside & ask what you can do to please him sexually. 

If you feel he will not outrightly tell you to loose weight-because he does not want to hurt you, ask him if this is a factor, just be prepared for his answer. And be willing to take steps to do this for YOU, for him, your sex life and the marraige. 

If he could stand to loose some too, get him exercising & watching his diet as well.


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## BeccaJ (Apr 14, 2010)

Sounds like both you and your husband hide out sexually - which is a real intimacy destroyer, emotionally and sexually. There's nothing more sexy than emotional closeness and openness. 

The fighting and pressure often leave men turned off - they don't want to 'have-to' perform a loving act that's meant to bring closeness and connection. 

You might check out Sue Johnson's book: Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, or my blog and articles at Living In Love

Take steps to make your emotional lives more open and save and good sex is much more likely to follow.

In Love,

Becca


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## belinda (Apr 14, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think you answered your own question , as hard as it may be to hear. Did you gain after the wedding? If so, he may be just one of many men who have a problem with extra weight on their women. Doesn't make it right or wrong, it just IS.
> 
> Is he aware you never orgasm, does this bother him? Some men are bothered by this also, it takes away from the act if they feel they can not "fully" please their wives.
> 
> ...


I was the same weight before we got married, if my weight turns him off...he shouldn't have dated me and got married with me. I do live a very active life and I work out regularly. I did ask him whether it's my weight and he always says no. Perhaps it's my insecurities that got the best of me

I did regret telling him the orgasm part, but it's been few years and I really couldn't hold the secret much longer. I am not sure what to do since he doesn't really like talking about this subject.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

belinda said:


> I was the same weight before we got married, if my weight turns him off...he shouldn't have dated me and got married with me.


 And you are absolutely right then. 

Sounds like it could be some related to your lack of orgasms -if you said you regret telling him. This could hurt some men. I have seen posts on boards where men were going out of their minds , it bothered them sooo much they could not get their girlfriend/wife to orgasm, to the point of hurting their relationships. 

Is it possible he has some kind of problem then - Low libito due to stress (working- finances, etc) , low testosterone? High blood pressure, diabetes could affect the physical . Many men are reluctant to talk about this -if the problem in on their end, and porn is an easy outlet. Less work. 

Sounds like your battle is getting him to open up- about what is really going on.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yeah, the whole woman orgasm thing. . .complex.

I have gotten more secure about that as I get older. . .hey, it's up to *you * to get the orgasm, not him. 

I can lay there and be a "hard d**K", I can lick, suck, probe, but you've got to do it the way that gets you there, even if it's pretending I'm Clay Aiken (my stb-x had a thing for him, which is funny - I"m built like a linebacker, not a small gay man, lol)


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