# step family problems



## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

I have a 7 year old son from a previous relationship and two babies from this relationship.

My eldest is having his birthday on Wednesday and I hate this time of year because my some of my partners family choose to ignore his birthday because he is not blood relation - even although his family knew my son for 2 years before the babies came along.

It is difficult because some family members make such a fuss over the babies and my son sees this.

Last year my partners sister didnt get a card or present for him but did for the babies. When I saw her after his birthday she said 'Aw it was Mikes birhdays and I didnt even get him a card' - even after this no card came his way. In fact on her birthday I swallowed my pride and sent her a happy birthday text - she didnt reply with a thanks nevermind a greeting on my birthday. What a b****!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, sounds like you married into a pretty rude family. To do things that they know will hurt a child is the epitome of evil.

It sounds like your SIL does not like you, is that right?

What does your husband say about the way his family treat your son?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think it should be up to your partner to tell the family that this is also his child so respect the child as such.


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## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

Yes I gathered that - that my SIL doesnt like me.

Although my partner would prefer this situation did not exist and he doesnt like confrontation I do know he has mentioned this to his dad. Who his dad has told Im unsure but my patners mother always shows that she is making an effort - which is good.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You can minimize the exposer all of your children have to those who mistreat one of them. That's what I would do.

Does your SIL have children?


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## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

minimise the exposer -im not sure i follow.

Yes my SIL has one daughter and when its her birthday a card and gift are sent from the entire family x


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I would not invite them over for anything from now on. Cut contact, if they ask why tell them you refuse to allow them to mistreat your child. After all, your husband married you knowing you had him, he should be treated equally.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mablenc said:


> I would not invite them over for anything from now on. Cut contact, if they ask why tell them you refuse to allow them to mistreat your child. After all, your husband married you knowing you had him, he should be treated equally.


:iagree: this is minimizing exposure.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

familygirl said:


> minimise the exposer -im not sure i follow.
> 
> Yes my SIL has one daughter and when its her birthday a card and gift are sent from the entire family x


How often is this SIL around your children?

How often do you see her? 

How often do you see her daughter?


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## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

My SIL sees all of my children about once a week at the granparents.

I would see my SIL about once a month and her daughter about once a fortnight


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

familygirl said:


> My SIL sees all of my children about once a week at the granparents.
> 
> I would see my SIL about once a month and her daughter about once a fortnight


It sounds like you are not around when she sees your children at the grandparents'.

Have you had any talks with your son about her? I would. If it was my son I'd tell him that she's a petty person taking her feelings out on a him, a child. And in doing so she's not worth him spending any effort/thought on. I would also tell my other children that their aunt is doing mean things to purposely hurt their brother. I would not let my 2 kids accept presents and cards from someone who is hurting their brother.

I did things like that with my children. I have a son and two step children. I did not tolerate this sort of thing.

Also, your relationship with your niece is very minimal. Maybe let your husband be concerned about whether or not he gives her a present.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I wouldn't stand for this either. I have a beautiful stepdaughter, and my family has accepted and love her as their own. She calls my mum Nanny and my brothers are Uncle M and Uncle A 

There is no way I would tolerate this. My bio children would not be allowed to accept presents from SIL and they wouldn't be invited to our home if they didn't treat all the children the same.

Your poor son


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

familygirl said:


> In fact on her birthday I swallowed my pride and sent her a happy birthday text - she didnt reply with a thanks nevermind a greeting on my birthday. What a b****!


***sigh*** I've seen this kind of thing over and over again, and had my own experience in this area. It always astounds me to see how rude people can be. 

You are taking the high road and I admire you for that, but I would suggest not making any more effort.

Are you able to simply celebrate birthdays with the children and your husband? Is it necessary that the SIL and extended family be involved?


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

To me, the problem is not with the SIL, but with your partner. How does he treat your son? does he treat the boy as though he were his own? Or, does he keep more distance from your son than he does with the babies?

It's up to your partner to tell his family that this is his family, and they need to treat it as such, or else he he doesn't want them around his babies. 

If he believes this, he needs to grow a spine. If he doesn't, then you need to.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

mablenc said:


> I would not invite them over for anything from now on. Cut contact, if they ask why tell them you refuse to allow them to mistreat your child. After all, your husband married you knowing you had him, he should be treated equally.


Agreed


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

familygirl said:


> My SIL sees all of my children about once a week at the grandparents.
> 
> I would see my SIL about once a month and her daughter about once a fortnight


What does this mean? Your partner takes the kids to the grandparents every week but you don't go?


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