# What to do.....



## ilwmwbngtlhrolitg (Oct 26, 2008)

Ok, I don't know where to start but here it goes. My wife and I use to be happy, we were the couple that was always partying and having a great time. My wife has always been insecure and very jealous. She never really let me go out with friends. She always not been very trusting of me. With reason i guess bc I've use to b a player as well as my wife before we meant has not been a angle which we both knew that coming into our relationship. Also she like to check the cell phone to c who I'm texting and call. She's found a phone number that I texted about a year and a half ago and asked me who i was texting all day while i was supposed to be working. Naturally i lied and said it was nobody, then finally said who it was and that it was nothing. Me thinking texting a woman and it not being anything that was inappropriate was nothing that i need to mention to my wife. This is also a woman that my wife knows. So it's not some stranger. I think this is what stated it all. From that point on she always asking me who and what phone numbers r by looking at the bill. 

Let's move forward....now we have a beautiful 10 month old daughter and things are just going down the tube. 

Also I moved and drove over 18 hours to be with this woman. I left a great career. So I'm soooo out of my element. I went from big city to small town. I have no family and one friend that I have made in the past 3 yrs since I've been here. So really no one to talk to about this. 

Now I've been having out with my friend(who is single) just trying to have a good time. And of course he his friends that are girls(really just friends) now I've been over to there house with my friend and my wife thinks that this is not appropriate. Which I don't get??? My wife has told me many times when I hang out with my friend. No Bars, No Clubs why don't we just go to dinner and a movie like what she would do with her girlfriends. 


In the past 2 months she has tried to let me do things with my friend. We've had to set rules about when we go out and how many times. Which is a great accomplishment for her. Bc before like I said I would ask to do something and she would just tell me NO! 

Also my wife takes care of our bills which I found out that she has not been paying them. Don't get me wrong we have more than enough to pay them but once a week someone calls or puts a notice on our door about something not getting payed. 
I just don't know what to do..

So I just recently(yesterday) packed up a couple of things and left to stay with my buddy. 

I been married before and my last wife who was also taking care of the bills as well, lets just say by the end of the marriage the house was getting foreclosed on and my car got repo. I don't want to end up in financial bid again.

I love my wife but I do not want my daughter to not have a future nor do I want us to just get by in life when we don't have too. I also don't want my wife tell me all the time no I can't go and when am I going to be home, give her an exact time, texting & calling me all night while I'm out with my friends. 
Another thing she calls any phone number on my call list if I'm out and have a number she doesn't know of thinks it look suspicious. 

Sorry I've jumped all over the place but I had to get it out.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

That would be hard to deal with. Have you two considered counseling? Sounds like she has some serious trust issues. 

Why dont you ask to do the bills together? You can split them up.


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## ilwmwbngtlhrolitg (Oct 26, 2008)

We are going to conseling on Monday, but I don't think it's going to help. I've been trying to talk to her about this for about 2 years now. Why would she change. I've ask her if she needs help and she says yeah but never tells me what I can do. Then a ask again and she forgets. She also just recently got fired from her job last week.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

ilwmwbngtlhrolitg said:


> We are going to conseling on Monday, but I don't think it's going to help.


Well, try and change your attitude. I know you feel hopeless but counseling takes time so if you've already decided it wont help, you wont be willing to put in the time it takes for someone to change. 



ilwmwbngtlhrolitg said:


> I've been talking trying to talk to her about this for about 2 years now. Why would she change.


She might change b/c she might not like feeling the way she does. Im going to guess she doenst like how she feels anymore then you like how she feels is making you feel. If she's already taken steps to try and lighten up and let you go out with your friend, then it shows she is trying, and somewhere under it all the talking did help. 



ilwmwbngtlhrolitg said:


> I've ask her if she needs help and she says yeah but never tells me what I can do.


She's admitting she needs help. That is huge. there's a lot of hope for you marriage. what makes you think she knows what she needs? she just knows how she feels. the counseling can help her sort out how she feels and communicate it to you in a way you can understand. Just be patient. its a long process. two years is nothing.


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