# Polygraph Advice Needed!



## Euripedes (Jun 18, 2011)

Hello Everyone, I need some advice on polygraphs and am hoping someone can help. Long story short, I caught my husband in a 12+ month long "Emotional Affair" (his term) with a married women via emails, texts, phone calls, facebook, etc. However, I really think it was a "Physical Affair". This has totally devastated me because I thought he loved me and our children exclusively and he could never have eyes for another women. Initially, when I confronted him about this affair, he brushed it off as only harmless flirting and said it was nothing, had ended weeks ago, etc. etc. etc.  When I showed him copies of his graphic and explicit sexual emails, he admitted it was only sexting but that nothing sexual had ever happened between them. They were just flirting and sexting each other and that it had ended months ago. He readily gave me all his passwords and since D-day I have not found any contact between them. Since D-Day, he has been very contrite and eager to repair our marriage and wants to totally forget about this woman. He also got tested for STDs/HIV/AIDS and turned up negative. He repeatedly and adamently claims that nothing sexual ever happened and says he cannot admit to sex with this woman because sex has never happened between them - only sexting and flirting. However, his graphic, sexual emails have me perplexed whether he's telling me the truth or not (this is very important for me to know, since it will let me know whether he is intent on being transparent and faithful in the future). My H travels a lot for his job and I need to know whether he is being faithful or not. I love him dearly and want to believe him and to forgive him but not if he has had sexual relations with another woman and if he is still lieing to me about it. Since knowing the truth is very important to me, I finally asked him if he would take a polygraph test and he immediately replied yes, he would. No problem, he says, and he is ready and willing to test anytime. Consequently, I've contacted several local polygraph companies and intend to go through with it when he next returns home.

My questions to this forum are whether anyone here can give me advice on using a polygraph to determine my H's guilt or innocence. What polygraph questions should be asked of him? How accurate are polygraphs? What if results are inconclusive? What if results are affirmative that he did have an affair outside of marriage - what should I do? Can he somehow beat the polygraph or skew the results? If he is really guilty, would he even take the test in the first place thinking he would pass it? Should I be there with him while taking the polygraph? Has anyone had any experience with such a situation? Any advice will help since I never thought I'd ever have to do this in my marriage and I want to do it right and not make any mistakes. I suppose that if he chickens out at the last minute will mean he is guilty??? Thanks in advance, everyone! E.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Polygraphs are wrong about 20% of the time. That's one of the reasons they cannot be used in court. 

Does the OW (other woman) have a husband or boyfriend? You might wnat to contact him and talk to him. See how your notes compare.

Me? I'd call the OW too.. actually I did that. She did not know he was married and spilled the beans. She was a really nice woman. She did not live in the same town we do, so she was planning a trip to surprise him. 

Turned out the only address she had for him was a Mail Boxes, etc place. So the poor woman would have shown up to a mail box.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

I took a polygraph to determine wether or not I had sex with the OM and wether or not there were other OMs. My husband wrote up 5 questions, he was not in the room with me when the polygraph took place. 
My husband felt a lot better afterwards (I passed the test) and it lasted for an entire week. After that, we were back at the same point. In my opinion, a polygraph will only be beneficial to you if you if the results, negative or positive, will be satisfactory to you.


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## lourovner (Jan 30, 2012)

This post may be worth reading:

Fidelity and Relationship Polygraph Tests

Dr. Rovner


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