# She asked me to come back...now what?



## lovetoomuch1

Heres a little background: We were married for 13 months before she called it off. We both were not good at communication and she wanted change in me overnight and I couldn't provide the financial life for her fast enough. I fought and wouldn't give up until she filed the papers. 
I was a virgin so of course i was madly in love with her and never stopped loving her. We both moved on and dated other people. 2 months ago she called and wanted me back. I saw no future with my current girlfriend, so i broke it off and came back to her. 

We are 100 times better at communication and life...but now it seems like i get these mixed signals from her. I'm caring, faithful, loving...all the good things i would think you would look for in a partner. But it seems like shes not excited about me. She doesnt mention me on FB, and I always post about her. I text her during the day just to say hi and check on her, and i get a 2 word text back a couple hours later. We tried to have sex once, but I was so freaked out that I couldn't. Since then Ive tried again many times, but she is always 'tired' 

The only thing she seems to like are the 'bad boy' stories about me when we were apart. I dont want to be that guy, i want to be the kick ass husband again for her.

Why am I so confused?


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## catch22gofigure

You said the communication is a 1000x's better , right ? Have you asked her what she thinks the reason for her actions are ?


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## lovetoomuch1

When i have asked about it...all I get is that shes really busy and doesnt always have time to text back...or shes not on FB. But then i see that she 'liked' a friends status or something. I've sent her flowers, put new tires on her car ($1,000) remodeled her closet ($2,000) and all i get is a one word 'thank you' I dont expect her to jump up and down...but hell get excited for me. throw a compliment my way


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## catch22gofigure

lovetoomuch1 said:


> When i have asked about it...all I get is that shes really busy and doesnt always have time to text back...or shes not on FB. But then i see that she 'liked' a friends status or something. I've sent her flowers, put new tires on her car ($1,000) remodeled her closet ($2,000) and all i get is a one word 'thank you' I dont expect her to jump up and down...but hell get excited for me. throw a compliment my way


I agree that you to deserve appreciation. While you all were separated what did you all do to fix issues that led to the separation? Sounds to me like you both need to read 5Love Languages and His Needs Her Needs. Or else you may find yourselves right back where you started from.


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## Acoa

lovetoomuch1 said:


> When i have asked about it...all I get is that shes really busy and doesnt always have time to text back...or shes not on FB. But then i see that she 'liked' a friends status or something. I've sent her flowers, put new tires on her car ($1,000) remodeled her closet ($2,000) and all i get is a one word 'thank you' I dont expect her to jump up and down...but hell get excited for me. throw a compliment my way


Me thinks your communication is 100X better than some very small number. You need to work on that with her.


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## tulsy

lovetoomuch1 said:


> Heres a little background: We were married for 13 months before she called it off.


How old are you? How old is she?
How long did you date before you were married?
How long have you been divorced?



lovetoomuch1 said:


> We both were not good at communication and she wanted change in me overnight and I couldn't provide the financial life for her fast enough. I fought and wouldn't give up until she filed the papers.


People don't change very much, other than stuff like growing up and taking on adult responsibilities. She wanted you rich quick or something? I don't understand the reasons for divorce.



lovetoomuch1 said:


> I was a virgin so of course i was madly in love with her and never stopped loving her. We both moved on and dated other people. 2 months ago she called and wanted me back. I saw no future with my current girlfriend, so i broke it off and came back to her.


How many people did you date while divorced? How long have you been divorced? 

So she was single and wanted you back, and you took her back. Now you are back in the same spot as before...were any of the real problems in the marriage addressed?



lovetoomuch1 said:


> We are 100 times better at communication and life...but now it seems like i get these mixed signals from her. I'm caring, faithful, loving...all the good things i would think you would look for in a partner. But it seems like shes not excited about me. She doesnt mention me on FB, and I always post about her. I text her during the day just to say hi and check on her, and i get a 2 word text back a couple hours later. We tried to have sex once, but I was so freaked out that I couldn't. Since then Ive tried again many times, but she is always 'tired'


100 times better is only relative to how good it was before...it doesn't necessarily translate a good. You make yourself sound like you are a good provider of material things now, which is just what she wanted. She's just not into you in the other ways, and that may won't change. It was never addressed, she just offered you a bone and you jumped back into her lap thinking things would be all better now. 

You haven't even had sex yet! How long have you been "back", because unless you are actually intimate, you are nothing but her "sugar-daddy". She's not into you. 

The Facebook and texting crap...all that is is more high-school garbage. If anything, it only verify that she's just using you to pay for stuff she wants, and you don't even get laid. That's not really a relationship.



lovetoomuch1 said:


> The only thing she seems to like are the 'bad boy' stories about me when we were apart. I dont want to be that guy, i want to be the kick ass husband again for her.
> 
> Why am I so confused?


Don't get confused...get over her.


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## cdbaker

It doesn't sound like she is in love with you. It sounds to me like you are providing her security (which women value way, way more than men, and will go to great lengths to ensure that they do not go without) while she takes some time off from other guys before pursuing her next one. This call that came 2 months ago, did you really drop your life and agree to all of this at the spur of the moment like that? Did she break up with a BF before calling you or otherwise lose some other form of security? (Income, job, relationship, friend/family member, etc.?) There are a lot of red flags here...


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