# " Getting Back At Men.."



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

A couple of months ago I came across this very controversial, interesting ,online piece written by a female artist ,about men and their creepy online behavior on Tinder, a very popular phone app , used to find partners for casual sex encounters.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelzarrell/an-artist-found-an-amazing-way-to-get-back-at-creepy-men-on

My first impression was that it was freakin' hilarious!
I laughed at how she depicted creepy men, because it was funny.
But on closer examination , I realized that the woman was actually deeply offended, and I found that to be _even more_ hilarious.
Here's why.

Firstly , I had to search for what the Tinder App , actually is.
Tinder, is a hook up site / phone App that allows people to posts provocative pics of themselves, and an interested party either votes yes or no on their pics , a the app makes a " match" and they start a conversation.

Basically , Tinder is an App that objectifies both sexes on the basis of their physical and sexual appeal, and makes a match.

When a female clicks " yes" on the pic of a shirtless man in a seductive pose, what they are actually saying is:
"_ yes, he has a hot body and I would do him , I hope he finds me sexy and attractive too_.."

If she leaves her contact information on Tinder, a "match" is made by the app based on common, stated interests. Hence if a male stated on his profile that he's looking for casual sex , and her profile said that she's looking for friendship , then there is no match and he cannot contact her , neither can she contact him.

When they're " matched" , makes no sense a man trying to get her impression of postmodernist , Michael Foucault's thesis on power , if she has communicated her interest in _casual sex only._After all ,logically there would be other " matches " or potential partners interested only in sex. No one wants to waste time on trivialities, when the scent of sex is in the air.

Ostensibly , her actions amount to a type of hypocrisy . Like a person going to the fish market asking for Chinese food and complaining that the market smells fishy.

But I found her article [ and art, lol!] interesting ,and the reader comments at the bottom of the page even more interesting.

Just reinforced my belief that objectification , like Foucault's
" _discursive power_ " is everywhere and not as one sided as some tend to portray it.


But those men in her article, imo , are still creepy.

So why would she subject herself to_ those types of men_ Tinder?

Maybe she likes creepy men?:rofl:

BTW, Tinder boasts over 10 million daily users, and is available in 24 different languages.

Your thoughts?


* Please read the link first before you reply!


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I couldn't take it serious. I was too busy laughing at her drawings. She has talent.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

richie33 said:


> I couldn't take it serious. I was too busy laughing at her drawings. She has talent.


Yes!

Most definitely has talent!

But I think she's fooling herself.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good morning all
So someone discovered that an app that lets you trade photos with people for casual sex hookups sometimes attracts creepy guys? 

This is quite possibly the least surprising bit of information I've ever seen.....


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I discovered Tinder while on a night out with my colleagues. 

I thought it was simplistically brilliant from an online dating app perspective. 

I had it installed for a short time. I realize that it is perceived as a hook-up app. But, I can assure you that I wasn't using it that way, nor were any of the women I ended up corresponding with.

But ... as for our female author, a refrain my friend has often used comes to mind; 'Don't ask scary questions if you aren't prepared for scary answers.'

You can't install an app that is perceived as being primarily for sexual hook-ups, and then complain or be offended by those being overtly sexual.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

She is fooling herself, what does she expect using an app like that for dating. Looks and sounds to me like she's just baiting people. Throw yourself in a pool with sharks and get mad about getting nipped at, she sounds like a b*tch.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> I discovered Tinder while on a night out with my colleagues.
> 
> I thought it was simplistically brilliant from an online dating app perspective.
> 
> I had it installed for a short time. I realize that it is perceived as a hook-up app. But, I can assure you that I wasn't using it that way, nor were any of the women I ended up corresponding with.


Yeah, Tinder isn't a hookup app. Many use it that way but most do not. Now Grindr, that's a hookup app.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

*Re: Re: " Getting Back At Men.."*



Therealbrighteyes said:


> Yeah, Tinder isn't a hookup app. Many use it that way but most do not. Now Grindr, that's a hookup app.


Go on ...


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Go on ...


For gay men. Still interested? The stories I have heard about that app though.....

Edit: It is an app that is used solely for anonymous gay sex. It uses GPS to give your location and then gives the location of other Grindr users in the immediate area. It sends out a notification of your location to those people. The photos of those in the area pop up on your phone. Pick whomever you wish, meet at an area, little more than a hi, hello and then they go and do the deed. It is an incredibly popular app. Pretty scary in this day and age really.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Yeah, Tinder isn't a hookup app. Many use it that way but most do not. Now Grindr, that's a hookup app.



Actually,

When I was reading through the hundreds of comments after, someone mentioned Grindr.

Then I looked it up.

What they said was that tinder was the heterosexual version to Grindr.

But same type of " creepy" men.

Then I realized this chick was either fooling herself or joking.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Deejo said:


> I discovered Tinder while on a night out with my colleagues.
> 
> I thought it was simplistically brilliant from an online dating app perspective.
> 
> ...


And I agree fully with you.

But somewhere in the back of my mind , the point she's trying to make resonates with my belief system.

IMO, those men who responded to her were so ridiculous that they came across _very_ creepy. But then, the app had to have made a " match" in order for a convo to take place. 
Hence the question is, what did she put on her profile that would have created such a 
" match?"


Anyway even in hook up culture,I think a little more finesse can never hurt.

The way we do what we do is what sets some men apart.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Caribbean Man said:


> Actually,
> 
> When I was reading through the hundreds of comments after, someone mentioned Grindr.
> 
> ...


Eh, Tinder isn't really at the same level. As Deejo mentioned, I too know people who used it for reasons other than hookups. Tinder matches people based on mutual friends and common interests where as Grindr uses location and physical appearance in matching for purposes of sex. Similar but different.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Caribbean Man said:


> And I agree fully with you.
> 
> But somewhere in the back of my mind , the point she's trying to make resonates with my belief system.
> 
> ...


To be fair, I have a friend on ******* who gets crap like this often. She is looking for a relationship specifically, yet gets inundated with d!c pics. Some men really are just creeps. 

Anybody else notice the horrendous spelling these guys had? Creepos and terrible spellers.......next.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Yep, as above.... you play in the mud you get dirty. shocked? really?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

On Tinder, you simply swipe either right or left, left if you're not interested, right if you are interested. The ONLY way you can contact one another is if that person has also swiped right on your photo, indicating they are also interested in you.

So ... She liked the photo. Didn't so much like the penis pics.

Same thing happens on Match as well, and that's a pay to play, pretty reputable contender.

However on Match you can send an email or a wink to anyone. SOP after you have been there a while is to just blow off mails or winks you aren't interested in.

I used to religiously respond to everyone, saying not interested. Frankly, I got tired of logging in and then spending the next 20 minutes writing "Thanks but no thanks, best of luck ..." 

I dated a woman who had a 'gallery of groins'. If you wanted to send a jock shot to her ... sure why not? I'll just pass it around to my girlfriends and we'll all have a good laugh.

I've also often said, that if those guys are the competition, I'm going to do just fine with online dating.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Do agree with her parting paragraph, "It's like the wild west."

Is rather incredible that today's young men can speak so thoughtfully and romantically.

I read crap like that, and understand why Always Alone feels the way she does. 

Those guys had NO intention of trying to win a date with or the affection of that young woman. They knew they had absolutely no chance with her ... so ... they took the low road.

I have tremendous appreciation for her method of response.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I remember back when we all used IM. I got a lot of creeps IM'ing me for sexting... Hi, I'm jim.. wanna F***? Now that's some romantic finesse!!

Well that was not long after I found out that my H was having a lot of online hookups (that also went to in person hookups). So I started giving the guys' my husband's IM name. Told them I knew someone who would rock their cyber world. 

I got quite a kick out of it when he started to complain that a bunch of guys online were hitting him up for cyber sex with things like what they heard he'd do for them... :rofl:

Ok.. I'm sick. But sometimes a bit of revenge is sweet.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think her approach is funny. But in the end, if you won't want to play on a site like that with creeps, don't participate. If no women participated, no guys would use it... they'd have to join that site for gay guys.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I think her approach is funny. But in the end, if you won't want to play on a site like that with creeps, don't participate. If no women participated, no guys would use it... they'd have to join that site for gay guys.


The one guy who continued to ask her if she still wanted the "pipe" after she posted the drawing gave me a good laugh.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Thanks for the laugh, CM LOL

I think most putting themselves out into the market of online dating should accept the fact that the people that are going to objectify you online, are no less than those that do it in real life as you walk down the street... You are just increasing your exposure. 

I tried the online thing for a short time, and I got messages like that. I dealt with them by deleting them. 

To each their own... I think she is funny and if nothing else, she might make the guys think twice before sending such a crude message. She gets the benefit of the initial reaction, but not in the event it had any effect such as a pause before sending the next dirty one-liner. Would be interesting to know.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I remember back when we all used IM. I got a lot of creeps IM'ing more for sexting... Hi, I'm jim.. wanna F***? Now that's some romantic finesse!!
> 
> Well that was not long after I found out that my H was having a lot of online hookups (that also went to in person hookups). So I started giving the guys' my husband's IM name. Told them I knew someone who would rock their cyber world.
> 
> ...



Not sick at all, logical consequences more likely.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> For gay men. Still interested? The stories I have heard about that app though.....


Negative. I feel I have a sufficient amount of information.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Creepy women finds way to objectify men and gets objectified herself, then acts creepy.

Film at 11.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> So I started giving the guys' my husband's IM name. Told them I knew someone who would rock their cyber world.
> 
> I got quite a kick out of it when he started to complain that a bunch of guys online were hitting him up for cyber sex with things like what they heard he'd do for them... :rofl:
> 
> .


its the simple things in life that we cherish! :rofl:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Rachel Zarrell according to her own resume isn't an artist and really has never held a full time job. She spends her time occasionally doing stuff for Buzzfeed and Boston.com. She wrote one piece for Truth Revolt (which is odd on its own given its distinctly NOT left wing not PC bent) to complain ABOUT Buzzfeed and how (as a 'white site') it doesn't take black female on black female crime seriously enough because....get this...reporting on it at all is of course racist.

Rachel is the kind of upper middle class white girl liberal that other upper middle class white liberals make fun of for being self referential stereotypes. If she were a man she'd have the world's biggest hipster beard.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

I am on Tinder and a lot of the women are there specifically say no hookups. I don’t see the problem of genuine creeps sending **** pics as being specifically confined to Tinder, it’s notorious on POF too.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Jetranger said:


> I am on Tinder and a lot of the women are there specifically say no hookups. I don’t see the problem of genuine creeps sending **** pics as being specifically confined to Tinder, it’s notorious on POF too.


Well that's kinda the point that struck me as odd too.
Lots of creeps all over the internet sending d*ck pics , but the difference on tinder , like you said is that some people aren't there for hookups, so the app matches them with whatever they request.

Hence if this young woman got matched with so many creeps, then it must have been something she put in her profile?

I think she was probably trying to " bait" those type of men, but ended up implicating herself. Sort of.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well that's kinda the point that struck me as odd too.
> Lots of creeps all over the internet sending d*ck pics , but the difference on tinder , like you said is that some people aren't there for hookups, so the app matches them with whatever they request.
> 
> Hence if this young woman got matched with so many creeps, then it must have been something she put in her profile?
> ...


She might have just went in there to trash some men and feel better about herself.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

I think the most simple explanation here is that there are a ton of guys who assume that women are going to like the same things that they do (this is a normal human reaction BTW, not limited to men on Tinder or just men only.) 

These guys were looking for a hook-up and would have been happy to be "objectified" for their body/[email protected] They are just reaching out using the same language/method that they would be happy hearing. I doubt any guy looking for a hook up would feel objectified by a woman emailing them with a vjj or b00b selfie. They are just doing what would work for them, as evidenced by the request for pics from the OP.

For this reason, I doubt the artist hit her objective by sending the guys their portrait. I don't count this as "getting back at men" (whatever that means!) in any way. Still, she's got skills!

I'd be curious to hear what percentage of guys sent rude/gross emails/pic to the author/artist; back in my Match.com days a decade ago it was maybe 1-2%. I'd be curious to know what percentage of Grindr msgs have dik pics, just to test my theory (if I am right a MUCH higher % of msgs will have dik pics and those with dik pics will have a higher % of hook-ups than those without.) Social science rules!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

RoseAglow said:


> I think the most simple explanation here is that there are a ton of guys who assume that women are going to like the same things that they do (this is a normal human reaction BTW, not limited to men on Tinder or just men only.)
> 
> These guys were looking for a hook-up and would have been happy to be "objectified" for their body/[email protected] They are just reaching out using the same language/method that they would be happy hearing. I doubt any guy looking for a hook up would feel objectified by a woman emailing them with a vjj or b00b selfie. They are just doing what would work for them, as evidenced by the request for pics from the OP.
> 
> ...


i agree with your post, especially the part I highlighted.

That's why I put " _Getting Back At Men_" in inverted commas, because I thought it was actually funny, like getting punked.
But then I realized she was serious...

But the whole thing makes me wonder, do some women really respond to those creepy guys who approach them online by sending d*ck pics and creepy messages?

And like you I'm wondering what percentage of men actually do that?
Based on what she says , and what I've heard , it seems to be a pretty high percentage..


BTW, nice to have you back!


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I remember back when we all used IM. I got a lot of creeps IM'ing me for sexting... Hi, I'm jim.. wanna F***? Now that's some romantic finesse!!
> 
> Well that was not long after I found out that my H was having a lot of online hookups (that also went to in person hookups). So I started giving the guys' my husband's IM name. Told them I knew someone who would rock their cyber world.
> 
> ...


To be fair, I was inundated with sex requests on IM/ICQ as well.

"Hey I'm kate, I want a nice long rod....What's your name?"

"Melvin"

"Ohhh that's a big sexy name. Want to watch me touch myself? Come to www.payamilliondollarstowatchporn.com"


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

COguy said:


> To be fair, I was inundated with sex requests on IM/ICQ as well.
> 
> "Hey I'm kate, I want a nice long rod....What's your name?"
> 
> ...


One of the reasons I stopped using ICQ way back in the day.

We was just married, about five years and we thought it would be fun to chat with others.

Met some good people, some owned yachts and sail the seas . Exchanged emails and we met them in real life.

Then there were the Nigerians that almost ripped me off.

But most of the messages I got were sexual and then it started getting annoying.
ICQ had this feature that every time I got online, sometimes just to check hotmail, it would show and people start sending messages.

I finally got it uninstalled when I upgraded my windows.
Good riddance.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> i agree with your post, especially the part I highlighted.
> 
> That's why I put " _Getting Back At Men_" in inverted commas, because I thought it was actually funny, like getting punked.
> But then I realized she was serious...


Oh, the painful (delicious?) irony of the satirist artist missing the point!!!!



> But the whole thing makes me wonder, do some women really respond to those creepy guys who approach them online by sending d*ck pics and creepy messages?


I think a small percentage does respond! I remember back in the early 2000s, I got an email on Match from a super cute guy. I responded and he sent me a d!ck pic. I LMAO and the next time my best friend was over, I showed her the email. Then she made me log off, she logged on Match and showed me the SAME guy, sent her the same email, and the same dik pick!

I just thought the whole thing was funny, but my BFF was intrigued, she thought it was a *really* nice anatomical pic. For all I know, she emailed him. I was respectfully cute, but my BFF was hot!! She had men drooling over her anywhere she went. She also was into hook-ups and I was not. Different strokes and all that, I guess.




> And like you I'm wondering what percentage of men actually do that?
> Based on what she says , and what I've heard , it seems to be a pretty high percentage..


It is curious. I'd wager that it is approaching zero on E-Harmony and approaching 80% or higher on Grindr- but this is pure speculation.

Still, I have found it interesting just how many guys send d!ck picks. I've gotten them even on FB, even from guys that both my DH and I know! My High School love, who was also my husband's best friend back in middle/high school, sent me a d!ck pick over FB. I showed my DH and told him, "Hey, in case you ever had any doubts on why I married YOU over these other guys, take a look at this!" I replied to his message "[Husband] and I had a big smile over this, but really, no more di!ck pics."




> BTW, nice to have you back!


Aww, thanks!!


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Meh. If guys want to behave rudely on a forum which allows people to be rude back without fear of retribution, they get what they got coming to them.

She really doesn't understand men very well. Some men will do anything for attention, even be humiliated by a woman.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Hmmmm...baits men into sending her d1ck pics...then renders them nude and sells them as greeting cards on her personal site?

Doesnt seem to be anything of substance here other than blatant capitalism and a slander suite in the making.

I'm sure she will make great contributions to the world in the form of articles for STAR magazine...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well that's kinda the point that struck me as odd too.
> Lots of creeps all over the internet sending d*ck pics , but the difference on tinder , like you said is that some people aren't there for hookups,* so the app matches them with whatever they request.*
> 
> Hence if this young woman got matched with so many creeps, then it must have been something she put in her profile?


Wrong. That's not how Tinder works. 

You click on a pic if you like it. The only way you are "matched" is if they like your picture back. That's the only way two people can talk their chat system. 

A lot of profiles say nothing. It's just a picture-and the pictures are pulled from Facebook profiles. All you see is 1 picture, a first name, and the age of the person. I have used Tinder and have come across many male profiles that say "Not looking just to hook up" or something of the variety. I've also seen some where they say they are only looking for a hook up. 

I went on dates with two guys from there and didn't sleep with either of them. 

I realize you haven't used it before which is probably why you don't understand it and are saying it's only for sex/hook ups based on an article you read online. It's really like any dating, but in the virtual world of 2014: some folks want something casual, some want something serious. Pretty much the way dating has always been. It's finding what works for you.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well that's kinda the point that struck me as odd too.
> Lots of creeps all over the internet sending d*ck pics , but the difference on tinder , like you said is that some people aren't there for hookups, so the app matches them with whatever they request.
> 
> Hence if this young woman got matched with so many creeps, then it must have been something she put in her profile?


You don’t get to pick the other person’s intentions (like on POF or OKC), you only get to pick the distance, age range and gender of the people you want to be shown. There is a 500 character ‘bio’ you can fill in saying whatever you like, that’s where you can say ‘no hookups’ or whatever you wish, but it’s down to people to actually go into your bio to read that. Many just put a stupid ‘deep’ quote in there and then all the dealbreakers will only come up during conversation with them.

The only reason these dudes were able to contact her is because she swiped right (yes) on them and they did likewise for her.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Deejo said:


> I discovered Tinder while on a night out with my colleagues.
> 
> I thought it was simplistically brilliant from an online dating app perspective.
> 
> ...





Lordhavok said:


> She is fooling herself, what does she expect using an app like that for dating. Looks and sounds to me like she's just baiting people. *Throw yourself in a pool with sharks and get mad about getting nipped at*, she sounds like a b*tch.


You mean that happens? Say it ain't so! Sort of like a woman, presumably intelligent and socially integrated dresses provocatively, goes to the bar or club by herself, and then gets offended when she gets hit on...guys are pigs after all...


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> You mean that happens? Say it ain't so! Sort of like a woman, presumably intelligent and socially integrated dresses provocatively, goes to the bar or club by herself, and then gets offended when she gets hit on...guys are pigs after all...


Yeah. "Can't I dress (provocatively/in a sack) without people making value judgments about me or noticing how I look?"

Um...no.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

COguy said:


> To be fair, I was inundated with sex requests on IM/ICQ as well.
> 
> "Hey I'm kate, I want a nice long rod....What's your name?"
> 
> ...


Wtf Kate said I was her one and only. Well crap


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

COguy said:


> To be fair, I was inundated with sex requests on IM/ICQ as well.
> 
> "Hey I'm kate, I want a nice long rod....What's your name?"
> 
> ...


I was hit up by just random guys. No porn sites stuff. 

How many guys were hitting you up to cyber with them? That's what I sent to my H...


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