# How do you keep your child from posting inappropriate photos on the internet?



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I don't have children. My post is prompted by yet another lost child notice coming through my Ring app. 

Every other day lately, there are posts about missing girls. They post a photo of the girl with it. Nine times out of 10, the photo is pouty selfie mouth trying to look seductive and older than they are, with makeup like a geisha. I don't understand why parents let them do that, but how do you stop them?


The ones I've been seeing for the last two or three months, none of the girls are white. I wonder how that figures into it. They are Hispanic or Asian or black or blended. Of course my area is very heavy on Hispanic population most of which is illegal Hispanic population. 

Why do parents let their young teens tart themselves up and get on social media like that? I'm not any kind of prude about makeup, but this is not normal makeup on most of them. These kids are not too young to wear normal makeup, but they shouldn't be making up like a tart and advertising themselves like that and I don't understand why parents aren't more on top of that. I take one glance at the picture and I know why they went missing. 

I know how hard it is to keep up with teens. I used to be one. My mom didn't know a fifth of what I did. But it just seems like with the internet and parental controls there ought to be a way to monitor some of that. Or at least look in your kid's makeup drawer. What does a teen girl need with bright red lipstick?

I guess no one has the answer to this but I'm just getting frustrated seeing these lost girls day in and day out. But I am curious if any of you know of any new and better tools to control what they do on the internet.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Perhaps your concern should be with the people targeting children rather than kids who put on makeup and post selfies which nowadays is regular behavior. Unfortunately social media is here to stay. You can't u ring the bell. Now we should be focusing on how to keep kids safe by being tougher pn sex offenders and keeping better tabs on them.


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## Gregory Chaucery (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't have children. My post is prompted by yet another lost child notice coming through my Ring app.
> 
> Every other day lately, there are posts about missing girls. They post a photo of the girl with it. Nine times out of 10, the photo is pouty selfie mouth trying to look seductive and older than they are, with makeup like a geisha. I don't understand why parents let them do that, but how do you stop them?
> 
> ...


The reason why parents let their girls make-up themselves, is because they think in terms of their own childhood when they were doing it.
They just aren't aware that these girls are being seduced by some creep across the country or on another continent into doing more than that.
I've only seen Tik-Tok videos on my facebook feed and they fairly innocent, but I'm aware that there is a lot of child porn where children are being seduced into showing their bodies, even masturbating online.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

I see the problem as parents not parenting. They give their kids cell phones and cars and everything else that they want. Parents won't say no, even if it puts their child at risk. Kids should not have cell phones that connect to the internet until they are 18 and can get a job to pay for it. Their internet access should be on a computer, in the living room where parents can monitor what they are doing. But parents won't do that because, 'it might make little Suzie mad at me and I don't want my kids mad at me.' Fricking parents need to grow a pair and protect their kids and quit worrying about being their friend.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't have children. My post is prompted by yet another lost child notice coming through my Ring app.
> 
> Every other day lately, there are posts about missing girls. They post a photo of the girl with it. Nine times out of 10, the photo is pouty selfie mouth trying to look seductive and older than they are, with makeup like a geisha. I don't understand why parents let them do that, but how do you stop them?
> 
> ...


Watch them like a hawk, follow their social media, part of the deal with us paying for their cell phone is we have the passcodes and they have to share their location with us so we can always see where they are.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I think it is a combination of things. 

I think there are parents that are just oblivious to what their child is doing. They aren't monitoring what their kids are doing. They are the parents that just plop their kid in front of a TV or give them an iPad to act as a baby sitter. They never change from that mentality as the kids get older and start posting on SM. This is just a straight up lack of parenting either due to apathy or just not knowing how to be a good parent. 

There are parents that for some reason believe they are being progressive by allowing their kids do whatever they want, even if that includes looking like a street hooker. They are letting their kids "find themselves". I've witnessed a parent of a newborn answer the common question, "is your baby a boy or girl?" with, "well it was born with a penis, but we will let them choose if they are a boy are a girl." Absolutely ridiculous. I don't want to change the topic to gender identity, but it is that kind of thought process, IMO, that leads to letting your 4th grader wear shredded fishnets and a micro skirt. Some parents think it is progressive to let the inmates run the asylum. 

Then there are some that are just fooled by their kids. Kids are often much more skilled at SM and other tech than their parents. It can be hard to keep up. This kind of happened with my own son. My wife and I are very familiar with tech and SM. At around 15 or 16 my wife had our son add her as a friend on Snap Chat, as we have with all our kid's SM accounts. In part because she used it to communicate with him, but also to keep an eye on his SM activity. Well, he had two accounts. One for mom and relatives that was kept sanitized. Another for friends and party planning, lol. He never posted anything inappropriate, but it was how he and his friends knew where the parties were happening. We knew about the "secret" account though. My wife has connections, lol. We didn't tell him we knew about the separate account until he was out of high school. Don't judge us for spying, I think parents should do whatever they need to do to keep their kids safe. My point is kids are smart and knowledgeable and will many times find a way around parents.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

joannacroc said:


> Perhaps your concern should be with the people targeting children rather than kids who put on makeup and post selfies which nowadays is regular behavior. Unfortunately social media is here to stay. You can't u ring the bell. Now we should be focusing on how to keep kids safe by being tougher pn sex offenders and keeping better tabs on them.


My focus is always on the criminals, but I'm seeing a lot of photos for lost children that are very young kids trying to look sexy and you have to wonder why someone would be letting their 13-year-old post sexy photos on the internet. We had makeup when I was a kid too and Mom had red lipstick, but the teens weren't going to get out of the house wearing it. Parents were fairly successful at preventing that type thing. I don't think you just throw up your hands and give up. 


These days you have to worry about sex trafficking, not just one 20-year-old boy, so I think people should take the extra effort to do their best to monitor their kids social media.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Diceplayer said:


> I see the problem as parents not parenting. They give their kids cell phones and cars and everything else that they want. Parents won't say no, even if it puts their child at risk. Kids should not have cell phones that connect to the internet until they are 18 and can get a job to pay for it. Their internet access should be on a computer, in the living room where parents can monitor what they are doing. But parents won't do that because, 'it might make little Suzie mad at me and I don't want my kids mad at me.' Fricking parents need to grow a pair and protect their kids and quit worrying about being their friend.


So now the problem is that they actually need the internet in order to do their school work so there's no way to just not let them have it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I've seen it up close and personal where the mom would let the 10-year-old dress up and wear big makeup at home and buy her kitten heels but not let her leave the house in it, 
But then the father would let her wear that out with him. Which I found creepy.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I've seen it up close and personal where the mom would let the 10-year-old dress up and wear big makeup at home and buy her kitten heels but not let her leave the house in it,
> But then the father would let her wear that out with him. Which I found creepy.


Some people believe that they are infringing on the rights of their kids by not allowing it. We are taking away their freedom and being controlling. That 10 yo should have the freedom to wear whatever revealing clothes and sexy makeup she wants. It is everyone else's problem if they have lustful thoughts about her. It is utter nonsense in my opinion, but that is how a lot of people think. They would be praising that dad for not stifling his daughter's independence.


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## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

Gregory Chaucery said:


> The reason why parents let their girls make-up themselves, is because they think in terms of their own childhood when they were doing it


 Just look at sports. Men want their kids to be better at sports than they were so they send these kids to camps and have them on supplements.. and they're Elementary kids! Dad has to live vicariously through his children to prove his manhood. I would imagine some mothers are the same. They never got the hundred dollar make-up compact and the slinky dress so they get it for their daughters. I bet if you dug deep enough, it boils down to they weren't popular enough and they want their kids to be popular.



Diceplayer said:


> I see the problem as parents not parenting.


Parents don't want to Parent. Dad has to be on Fan Duel picking his fantasy football team and Mom is too busy sparkling up and keeping up on the latest to hang with her friends. They don't have time to examine what their kids are doing.

I have an 11 year old. Most of his friends already have phones. My son doesn't need a phone for us to know where he is, he has a GPS watch. Problem solved. Parents just want the least path of resistance to their kids.

As for the criminal who preys on these kids? How about serious jail time instead of rehab? The criminal justice system one state from where I am just abolished cash bail, meaning the judge could let someone off if he desired, without losing anything. The criminal doesn't have to pay a cent to get out of jail. Were not throwing the book at criminals that target kids, and we should. The old days where a thug who went after kids stepped foot in prison and never made it out because the population took care of him can hardly happen when today you can get away with it and never see the inside of a prison.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

HarryBosch said:


> Just look at sports. Men want their kids to be better at sports than they were so they send these kids to camps and have them on supplements.. and they're Elementary kids! Dad has to live vicariously through his children to prove his manhood. I would imagine some mothers are the same. They never got the hundred dollar make-up compact and the slinky dress so they get it for their daughters. I bet if you dug deep enough, it boils down to they weren't popular enough and they want their kids to be popular.
> 
> 
> Parents don't want to Parent. Dad has to be on Fan Duel picking his fantasy football team and Mom is too busy sparkling up and keeping up on the latest to hang with her friends. They don't have time to examine what their kids are doing.
> ...


There is a balance one must find. We got our kids phones when they were old enough to go hang out "downtown" with their friends so they could call us in an emergency. Also we contend with the reality that the social fabric of kids today, at least around us, revolve around group texts ad phone apps. One of my daughters friends in elementary school has parents that have a no phone rule until they have the drivers license. Because of how things are she never ended up getting invited to parties/sleepovers in middle school unless someone remembered to call her mom to talk to the girl and tell her about the party. Eventually that girl fell out of social circles for the most part. 

We also had a brief stint as parents of a top level competitive video gamer and twitch streamer. That got a little wild and required a whole new level of vigilance on our part. I've watched way too much Fortnite for 10 lifetimes. 

There are also great apps for phones that parents can utilize. We have an app on our son's phone that lets us not only track his whereabouts but we can see how fast he is traveling. That comes in very handy with a 16YO boy driving around in a supercharged Audi A6.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Some people believe that they are infringing on the rights of their kids by not allowing it. We are taking away their freedom and being controlling. That 10 yo should have the freedom to wear whatever revealing clothes and sexy makeup she wants. It is everyone else's problem if they have lustful thoughts about her. It is utter nonsense in my opinion, but that is how a lot of people think. They would be praising that dad for not stifling his daughter's independence.


Yeah. I mean I agree when they reach a certain age they should be able to express themselves but that doesn't mean they should be able to promote themselves to strangers on the internet. Seems like common sense. I mean would you let your kid go up to the car window of a stranger parked on the street?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yeah. I mean I agree when they reach a certain age they should be able to express themselves but that doesn't mean they should be able to promote themselves to strangers on the internet. Seems like common sense. I mean would you let your kid go up to the car window of a stranger parked on the street?


I agree that there is a point where you need to allow them to choose their own style. I'm very glad my daughter was always on the conservative side of this topic, but there were still times where I had to keep my mouth shut and let her be comfortable with who she is. I coach middle school baseball and often I'll be sitting in front of the school waiting for the team to get changed and get on the bus. This is at dismissal time, so I get to see all the kids from the MS and HS heading home. So many times I just think, WTF. I can't believe how some are dressed. But then again, they were in compliance with the school dress code, for what that is worth. 

The internet does add a whole new dimension. They don't realize that they are basically doing what you said, just parading past strangers where ever they may be. They would never do it on the street, but don't hesitate for one second on IM or some other social media. Kids don't often have much common sense and apparently a lot of parents don't either.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> So now the problem is that they actually need the internet in order to do their school work so there's no way to just not let them have it.


Go back and read my entire post. I said internet access should be on a computer in the living room where it can be monitored. Kids don't need a cell phone with internet access for school.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

HarryBosch said:


> Parents just want the least path of resistance to their kids.


Ain't that the truth. Kids will scream and pitch hissy fits until the parents give in because all they want is peace and for their kids to like them so they give in and then they wonder why their kids have no respect for them.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Diceplayer said:


> _*Go back and read my entire post. I said internet access should be on a computer in the living room where it can be monitored. Kids don't need a cell phone with internet access for school.*_



Isn't that what libraries are for? Or do they "need the internet for school" to google the answers to everything? If that's the case, no wonder they can't understand their college loans.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Diceplayer said:


> _*Ain't that the truth. Kids will scream and pitch hissy fits until the parents give in because all they want is peace and for their kids to like them so they give in and then they wonder why their kids have no respect for them.*_



Remember those idiot mothers who were protesting out in Portland in SUPPORT of their derelict juveniles who were rioting and throwing things at cops and burning down buildings and destroying public property and terrorizing the public back in 2020? These fools actually came out in SUPPORT of their evil spawns. Talk about ignorant.

THAT'S the type of mentality that creates a lot of this problem.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

To me this is pretty straight forward. Like all people regardless of age, stupid kids will do stupid things. I gave both my kids cell phones at about 9 yrs old with full trust and unlimited restrictions except the phones are mine and I want the tracker left on at all times, I reserve the right to take them back if misused and I'm in going to spot check the history on them so don't be doing any stupid sh*t. (which I did maybe 4 times each). Never had a problem. Maybe because I paid attention to them and they didn't feel a strong need to seek outside attention from strangers.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Tween and teen girls will go to school, mall, etc. with a parent-approved appearance, then change and put on makeup in the school bathroom, at a friend's house, in a friend's car, etc. Parents can try to make sure their child doesn't have inappropriate clothing or makeup, but kids can borrow their friends stuff or buy things with gift cards from Christmas. The point is, if there is a will there is a way.

Parents should be monitoring their children's SM, and let's be real, CHILDREN shouldn't even have SM. It's easy for kids to have separate SM accounts though. Parents should also be monitoring cell phones and internet access.

My 13 year old has a cell phone and I don't have a problem with that. It is not allowed in his bedroom, he cannot be glued to it at home, we have computers in the living room for home internet access, location stays on, I monitor what he does, I can see what apps he's using, eventually how fast he's driving, etc. He's very responsible with it and doesn't fight over the rules. If that changes, so does his ability to have it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

bobert said:


> Tween and teen girls will go to school, mall, etc. with a parent-approved appearance, then change and put on makeup in the school bathroom, at a friend's house, in a friend's car, etc. Parents can try to make sure their child doesn't have inappropriate clothing or makeup, but kids can borrow their friends stuff or buy things with gift cards from Christmas. The point is, if there is a will there is a way.
> 
> Parents should be monitoring their children's SM, and let's be real, CHILDREN shouldn't even have SM. It's easy for kids to have separate SM accounts though. Parents should also be monitoring cell phones and internet access.
> 
> My 13 year old has a cell phone and I don't have a problem with that. It is not allowed in his bedroom, he cannot be glued to it at home, we have computers in the living room for home internet access, location stays on, I monitor what he does, I can see what apps he's using, eventually how fast he's driving, etc. He's very responsible with it and doesn't fight over the rules. If that changes, so does his ability to have it.


Sounds good to me. And yes, all teen girls do stuff once they are at school. But school also monitors them, or they used to. Girls don't even wear dresses and skirts to school much anymore unless that's the uniform, and so many of them just look like hoodied slobs. But they go all out for the selfies to post on the internet. 

I know kids even pass burner phones around at school, and I'm sure there are ways to make secret accounts on SM, so I know it's hard, but so many parents seem to have just given up.


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