# I think this site is going to help me



## TheyAreWritingSongsOfLove (Nov 3, 2021)

... I'm 61, Been married 21 years. Been miserable and emotionally abused 20 years and 11 months. Stayed in the so-called marriage because of the kids, one in college, the other two will be soon. Now it is time for me to be the selfish a-hole every woman hates for leaving his marriage because he is so god damn miserable he can't take another minute. Yet apparently 21 years of faithful (non-cheating) marriage, and 14 years w/o sex, is no reason to leave a marriage, and to do so is reprehensible. Yup. That is me for sure. The miserable sot who destroys the family because for once in 21 years he wants to feel loved, not hated. Even though I know once I leave I will be hated even more than I was to begin with. So why should I leave if I'm going to be hated even more??? Seriously. Why don't I just shut down any thought of happiness and instead go through the charade I've been living all these decades until Alzheimers sets in and let the ungrateful wife and kids dump me in the trashiest nursing home this side of the tracks? After all, that is exactly what an American dad is expected to do, right? Bite the bullet. Suck it up. Feel no pain. Expect nothing ....


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

If that’s the way people think then you cut them out too. Sounds like you put too much thought into others when you should be going your own way. One thing you should realize is being a martyr gets you nothing.
Down load and read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover. It’s free and short.
Your life is what *you* make it.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Happiness has a price. If you have some people that don’t understand your position - it doesn’t matter.
Just file for divorce and live your life the way you prefer. Staying all this time certainly couldn’t have been providing a happy home environment. Just file.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

TheyAreWritingSongsOfLove said:


> ... I'm 61, Been married 21 years. Been miserable and emotionally abused 20 years and 11 months. Stayed in the so-called marriage because of the kids, one in college, the other two will be soon. Now it is time for me to be the selfish a-hole every woman hates for leaving his marriage because he is so god damn miserable he can't take another minute. Yet apparently 21 years of faithful (non-cheating) marriage, and 14 years w/o sex, is no reason to leave a marriage, and to do so is reprehensible. Yup. That is me for sure. The miserable sot who destroys the family because for once in 21 years he wants to feel loved, not hated. Even though I know once I leave I will be hated even more than I was to begin with. So why should I leave if I'm going to be hated even more??? Seriously. Why don't I just shut down any thought of happiness and instead go through the charade I've been living all these decades until Alzheimers sets in and let the ungrateful wife and kids dump me in the trashiest nursing home this side of the tracks? After all, that is exactly what an American dad is expected to do, right? Bite the bullet. Suck it up. Feel no pain. Expect nothing ....


Dude: I really don't understand your thought process. No one put a gun to your head to live the life you've been living, no one forced you to stay in a marriage for 21 years when after just a few months of no sex should have been enough, no one but yourself self-imposed to live the life you've been living, so nothing but sour grapes from you. After all this time, and here you are still whining and *****ing about it but haven't done **** about it.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Dude: I really don't understand your thought process. No one put a gun to your head to live the life you've been living, no one forced you to stay in a marriage for 21 years when after just a few months of no sex should have been enough, no one but yourself self-imposed to live the life you've been living, so nothing but sour grapes from you. After all this time, and here you are still whining and ***ing about it but haven't done ** about it.


There are societal pressures and internal values that keep such a man in a marriage, even if it's devoid of sex.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

TheyAreWritingSongsOfLove said:


> ... I'm 61, Been married 21 years. Been miserable and emotionally abused 20 years and 11 months. Stayed in the so-called marriage because of the kids, one in college, the other two will be soon. Now it is time for me to be the selfish a-hole every woman hates for leaving his marriage because he is so god damn miserable he can't take another minute. Yet apparently 21 years of faithful (non-cheating) marriage, and 14 years w/o sex, is no reason to leave a marriage, and to do so is reprehensible. Yup. That is me for sure. The miserable sot who destroys the family because for once in 21 years he wants to feel loved, not hated. Even though I know once I leave I will be hated even more than I was to begin with. So why should I leave if I'm going to be hated even more??? Seriously. Why don't I just shut down any thought of happiness and instead go through the charade I've been living all these decades until Alzheimers sets in and let the ungrateful wife and kids dump me in the trashiest nursing home this side of the tracks? After all, that is exactly what an American dad is expected to do, right? Bite the bullet. Suck it up. Feel no pain. Expect nothing ....


Where are you getting these ideas from? Who is telling you this? Do the people around you (friends and family, not your wife) actually think like this, or are you just assuming they do? Divorce is pretty common nowadays and I bet the shock would wear off pretty darn quickly. People are too busy with their own lives to spend too much time thinking about yours. 

If you have people in your life that actually think like this, then they seem pretty toxic and you'd be better off without them. If you are worried about how your children will react, just talk to them. They are all adults or will be soon. You can explain what has been going on and why you are leaving, and I'm sure they have picked up on some of it anyway. Let them learn from you.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

jonty30 said:


> There are societal pressures and internal values that keep such a man in a marriage, even if it's devoid of sex.


yes, understood, but by the same token he is supposed to understand that societal pressures are just that, and you can't just fall on the sword for it (we are not in a Taliban 13th Century culture forced into the 21st). To me it's just playing the martyr because lack of inner strength, self respect, dignity, and balls, but ohhh the laments.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> yes, understood, but by the same token he is supposed to understand that societal pressures are just that, and you can't just fall on the sword for it (we are not in a Taliban 13th Century culture forced into the 21st). To me it's just playing the martyr because lack of inner strength, self respect, dignity, and balls, but ohhh the laments.


It all depends on why she is the way she is. An unwillingness is one thing, a real incapability is another.
I'm not the kind of guy that abandons a woman, if she has a legitimate medical condition that prevents her from having sex.
But if I found out that she was having an affair, I am socially detached enough to cut her loose without any nostalgia for the relationship.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

jonty30 said:


> It all depends on why she is the way she is. An unwillingness is one thing, a real incapability is another.
> I'm not the kind of guy that abandons a woman, if she has a legitimate medical condition that prevents her from having sex.
> But if I found out that she was having an affair, I am socially detached enough to cut her loose without any nostalgia for the relationship.


OP has not indicated one way or another the reasons about his martyrdom. We will have to wait and see if he explains. And yes, a legitimate medical reason is not excuse to abandon your mate. That's callous and cold in my opinion.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Rob_1 said:


> And yes, a legitimate medical reason is not excuse to abandon your mate. That's callous and cold in my opinion.


That would depend on what they are willing to do about it. If they want to sit around feeling sorry for themselves, why should a spouse stick around? If they put in an effort and exhaust all possible options, then that would be different IMO.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

bobert said:


> That would depend on what they are willing to do about it. If they want to sit around feeling sorry for themselves, why should a spouse stick around? If they put in an effort and exhaust all possible options, then that would be different IMO.


Yes, indeed.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

TheyAreWritingSongsOfLove said:


> Stayed in the so-called marriage because of the kids


That never works.

Get out and remove the haters from your life. Better late than never.


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## TheyAreWritingSongsOfLove (Nov 3, 2021)

TheyAreWritingSongsOfLove said:


> ... I'm 61, Been married 21 years. Been miserable and emotionally abused 20 years and 11 months. Stayed in the so-called marriage because of the kids, one in college, the other two will be soon. Now it is time for me to be the selfish a-hole every woman hates for leaving his marriage because he is so god damn miserable he can't take another minute. Yet apparently 21 years of faithful (non-cheating) marriage, and 14 years w/o sex, is no reason to leave a marriage, and to do so is reprehensible. Yup. That is me for sure. The miserable sot who destroys the family because for once in 21 years he wants to feel loved, not hated. Even though I know once I leave I will be hated even more than I was to begin with. So why should I leave if I'm going to be hated even more??? Seriously. Why don't I just shut down any thought of happiness and instead go through the charade I've been living all these decades until Alzheimers sets in and let the ungrateful wife and kids dump me in the trashiest nursing home this side of the tracks? After all, that is exactly what an American dad is expected to do, right? Bite the bullet. Suck it up. Feel no pain. Expect nothing ....


Well, I had hoped this site would be a good resource for me. But apparently I will be on my own within a few hours, since I have already offended the powers that be. 

I foolishly wish I could find a site that will let me express myself freely. But I've yet to find such a site. There really isn't anything but "approved content" on _any_ site on the Internet network. 

It's been nice knowing ya. 

Perhaps our children's children's children will have been cleansed of any temptation to think leftist thoughts, and forums such as this can finally get down to the business of aligning with the rules .. regarding what truly is allowed to be thought


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## Cindywife (Nov 5, 2021)

TheyAreWritingSongsOfLove said:


> Well, I had hoped this site would be a good resource for me. But apparently I will be on my own within a few hours, since I have already offended the powers that be.


I read all the comments nobody seemed offended. If you're THAT unhappy in your marriage then divorce.


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