# To the women - How importance is confidence?



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

OK...so I had a bit of a personal breakthrough today. I went to the house of a kid I teach and the father (A local to the country I live in) and I shared a drink and I told him about what was going on with me. I had originally canceled all my private lessons in order to work on my marriage. In the email he replied "I'm sure work is stressful and life here in this country adds to that. I can't say I can give you advice but I can teach you my personal philosophy on things." He had no idea what I'd be telling him.

He says, after my telling him what happened was "If you want to stay then you have to just put up with whatever she hurls at you with confidence. Don't wear your emotions on your sleeve because she'll take advantage. Doesn't matter what country you're from." He went on to say "If you don't think you can trust her, no matter how beautiful you think she is, you have years ahead of you to find someone far better for you. Don't worry about 'responsibilities' you might have had, those went out the window when you caught her naked with another man. Do your own thing and move out without thought." 

This is all easier said than done and he realizes it. He also pointed out areas in which I have shown definite weakness and while he admits to not being a perfect person at all he says "We can all improve in some way shape or form. Improve yourself and you'll improve your relationship. Start with the confidence you show your wife. Don't let her see you 'sad' or 'down' even if you are. The more you pull away from her the more she is likely to hold onto you. And if she doesn't, then move on to another person." 

With that said I came home feeling a bit better. Had I not had the conversation I had with him I would have come home all lovey dovey and asking all sorts of questions. Instead I came home and let her try to initiate the conversation. She inquired about how I was feeling asking "Are you tired? Are you OK?" to which I nonchalantly answered "Yup, fine. You?" I let her do all the initiating and she talked more about OUR future with US...I don't know how much of it was the alcohol and how much of it I can front to her, but I felt like I could 'move on'. I'm still angry...and scared but will do my best to show only confidence in myself.

So to the ladies that read this, does this make any sense or am I just getting the wrong impression due to a bit of alcohol in my body?


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## mommy2 (Oct 27, 2009)

To answer you question - confidence is very important. For me, nothing is more of a turn off than a puppy eyed, following at my footsteps, begging man. A strong, confident man - very sexy. I mean, actually I think it's important for both sexes. I have heard more than one man tell me that he found a woman more attractive and was more interested because she was confident. 

I also think confidence will help more than you think. When you have self confidence, it boosts your self esteem - how you carry yourself and how you are perceived by others. Confidence will attract attention from others as people are drawn to that. She will see that and realize she may be losing more than she thinks or wants to. 

Confession - my perception of my hubby had waned and due to how our marriage and spiraled down - when he would talk about our financial struggles, etc. I didn't hear/see it as a discussion - I saw it as whining and complaining. Which, of course, at the time irritated me to no end, thus adding more resentment. Well, nothing is more of a wake up call than finding our your H is having an A!! Suddenly, that slap in the face makes you realize what a great guy he is (even though people had been telling me that all the time but all he did was irritate me) and that if you don't get your act together and shape up - I could lose the best thing I ever had! In that split second, I began seeing my H as the confident, sexy, man that he was and the way other women saw him.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

mommy2 said:


> I have heard more than one man tell me that he found a woman more attractive and was more interested because she was confident.



:iagree:


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## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

This morning I tried to play everything 'cool' hoping to get some kind of feedback from her reaction. When she got out of bed I usually get out and start helping around the house in the morning but she said "You should stay in bed and sleep." that was OK, I was sleepy anyways. When I did wake up I went straight to doing MY stuff hoping that she would initiate conversation. The conversation that she did initiate was something I may have 'over-analyzed' in the past 30 minutes. She said "My boss just texted me that that she was going to be an hour late." Now, I know her shift work and all her co-workers are female (So I'm not worried about romance unless she's started playing for the other team in which case, for some odd reason, I feel less like crap) but her shift work either starts from 9am or 12pm. Then they have odd shifts between those shifts for over-time. Today she left at 9am and when she mentioned that her boss was going to be late it was as if she was giving me her reason for not leaving earlier to make the 9am shift or why she was leaving earlier than a 12pm shift...like an excuse. The thing is, it could very well be that reason and it could very well be that she has one of her odd shifts. She's had the last 2 days off so she doesn't have a day off today, that much I'm sure about...but I let it pass, didn't pay much attention to it and wished her luck at work.

I waited for her to say 'love you' before I would say it. I didn't want to say it first this time. She never said it she just said 'good luck today.'...which again is a downer but I never let it show.

So...today I'm starting off on a down note. However, I have sort of given myself a timetable. I know her PMS starts in a few days and I will have to battle through that. In July we can continue to communicate and hopefully get out of this apartment by the end of the summer. If nothing changes by the end of the summer, I think it's time to move on. I say this now and may not have the guts to do it...but that's what I have in mind right now. Until then, I will show only confidence and work on myself.


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## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

You did well this morning. Quite the challenge you have there.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

You're doing the right thing. Every woman needs her husband to show strength, just as every husband also needs his wife to show strength of character. 

Playing a little hard to get, under the circumstances, is not a bad idea.


Best,

Lyn


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