# Men - would you date a female under 55 who uses a cane or has a handicap?



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I an 49 and was in a bad car accident a few years back. The accident messed up my neck and that messed up my right arm, hand and leg. 

I noticed now that the weather is cold, my right leg is very stiff and I bought a cane at the drugstore the other day because I am afraid to fall. 

I can't believe how many looks I received from both men and women. I was limping pretty badly and I know it's not a turn on but would it be a deal-breaker for you?


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I don't think it would be a deal breaker for me. There is a family friend of ours that lives down the street from us, she has MS and uses a cane. Believe me, the men that look at her aren't looking at the cane. 
Instead of downplaying the cane. I would suggest getting a really good one and finding a local airbrush artist to do something that makes it scream you. I'll bet you would have a lot of men and women stopping and asking about it. If you're single it's a win win situation. 
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

If she was a beautiful person inside, yes in a heartbeat.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Besides I find women in their 50's very attractive for many reasons


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Yes - My last LTR had a limp as a result of a motorbike accident when I met her. Also, covered in scars as a result of repairs from 3 day eventing/horse falls.

You should bear in mind that the primative brains of both genders are 'scanning' for healthy genes in a potential mate, so disabilities and disfigurements do ring an alarm bell - so those stares will (frequently) be the conscious part of the brain responding to that alarm for conformation. Also, a cane makes your 'base' (legs/feet) twice as wide so you're also 'alarming' as a trip hazzard.

It's the same split second process that subconsciously finds the 'hottie' in a crowd before we consciously look for more details.

Just because somebody 'alarms' on blondes, doesn't mean they've ruled out brunettes. Then, once a conversation begins, facial expressions and personality matter as much, or more than, the first impression.

So, really, your worst case scenario is that, in a room full of standing people the subconscious alarm might move you down the 'hottie' list, but a warm disposition will bring you right back up it.

Then, we're all wired differently for 'preferences' - hair, body type, eye colour, ethnicity etc - so for every person turned off by your disability there will be another attracted by it. At 49 there are a lot of people with accident/near death experiences. They're fascinating conversation pieces for bonding with other 'victims' and for the curious.

So, it makes very little, if any difference to your dating prospects,, and I hope understanding those stares makes you feel a bit better about them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Rugs
I probably would not, just because most of the activities I most enjoy involve doing active things outdoors. That doesn't mean that other people would not be very happy to do so.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If she were still mobile enough to keep my house clean, yeah I'd take her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would carry you.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

If they can't see beyond the cane, F 'em!


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Rugs said:


> I can't believe how many looks I received from both men and women. I was limping pretty badly and I know it's not a turn on but would it be a deal-breaker for you?


It takes a few years but eventually you don't notice the looks as much. I'm typically more concentrated on not falling in my face to notice people staring when I'm limping. 

I'm sorry you are struggling with this I also have an injury from a car accident that causes me to limp on and off depending on how well my leg/ankle is that day. But I've been dealing with it for over a decade so I'm used to it. 

Oddly until I read your post it never occurred to me that a man might see me limping and be turned off by it. If it is a turnoff there's nothing I can do about it so best to smile and limp my way down the street and hope I don't trip and fall.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

It would depend honestly. Cane and limping doesn't bother me. Potential limitations in doing physical activity would. I am very active, biking, running, hiking and so on. I couldn't be with someone who couldn't keep up. So long as they could, limping or not, all good.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

my wife has disabilities too. since i like to go hiking in some of the nastiest, swampiest areas around, sometimes i carry her on my back. 

not a problem. if she werent willing to go to begin with, well, that WOULD be a problem.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

That's understandable that you want someone who can enjoy those things with you. 

Most people that walk with a limp or use a cane can't run or hike, walking on an uneven surface is not a good idea for us. 

Eh.. Oh well so I probably won't match up with a guy that enjoys those things. Most days I can walk around ok and like a stroll on the beach, I'll just look for a guy that likes that too


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. 

I've seen plenty of hot chicks with canes. spending a few decades alive on earth and there's pretty good chance you are gonna have some wear and tear. 

Rock that cane


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

coffee4me said:


> That's understandable that you want someone who can enjoy those things with you.
> 
> Most people that walk with a limp or use a cane can't run or hike, walking on an uneven surface is not a good idea for us.
> 
> Eh.. Oh well so I probably won't match up with a guy that enjoys those things. Most days I can walk around ok and like a stroll on the beach, I'll just look for a guy that likes that too


the thing for me is the willingness to go share the experience with me. im quite used to carrying more than my body weight for many hours and a time, so its not that big of a deal to carry my wife. i just want her to be willing to go with me. im not going to ask her to do something she cant.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I never really thought about it until now. The cold weather is really bothering my legs. 

No, I can't run but I can ride a bike, drive, and take care of myself. 

I don't really notice people when they use a cane but I sure received a lot of stares. 

Thanks for the responses.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I would date you Rugs. 

And my earlier post was a joke. Can't believe I wasn't called on it.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Rugs said:


> I was limping pretty badly and I know it's not a turn on but would it be a deal-breaker for you?


 Would it be a deal-breaker, probably not. Would it be a factor, of course it would. Anyone being honest would admit the same thing. For most, dating is about picking a mate, and picking a mate is all about evaluating the pros and cons of the other person based on your own criteria. This is the one time that you are allowed to discriminate such that physical appearance, religion, financial factors, health, and intelligence are all allowable factors. What may be wrong when picking someone to work with you, is allowed when picking someone to sleep with you. Again, not a deal breaker but a factor. Best to minimize the use of the cane if you can.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

I dated an amputee right before meeting my husband. He had a limp but was very active. He told me he was in a motorcycle accident many years ago and lost a leg. Didn't bother me at all.

He was very nice nice and sweet. I would have continued dating him...but when I met my husband, It was over...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Use the cane however you need to, Rugs. Be yourself.

_People can love you, just the way you are. --Mr. Rogers_


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

TRy said:


> Would it be a deal-breaker, probably not. Would it be a factor, of course it would. Anyone being honest would admit the same thing. For most, dating is about picking a mate, and picking a mate is all about evaluating the pros and cons of the other person based on your own criteria. This is the one time that you are allowed to discriminate such that physical appearance, religion, financial factors, health, and intelligence are all allowable factors. What may be wrong when picking someone to work with you, is allowed when picking someone to sleep with you. Again, not a deal breaker but a factor. Best to minimize the use of the cane if you can.



I definitely think it narrows my chances but if I or anyone needs any type of assistance device, there really is no way to minimize it's use. I would not want someone to give up something which gave them comfort to please me. 

I just wanted to see if anyone would consider and it appears that at least some would. 

For me, it would have to depend on the level of disability.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I would date you Rugs.
> 
> 
> 
> And my earlier post was a joke. Can't believe I wasn't called on it.



I laughed.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

While it wouldn't be an automatic deal breaker, I doubt if I would be compatible with a woman with a cane long term. I'd be gone doing things (biking, climbing, skiing, hiking, kayaking) every weekend. I suspect we wouldn't do much together.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

If its any consolation my wife uses a walker because of her MS but she gets around well, we shop and eat out (ok and shop and eat out, and again, ha ha) we go places where we can both be. It is all about the inner person, I would marry her again tomorrow. (btw we are in your age range). Don't focus on it, many people can see past it, some will think you are an easy mark, dont be, in others you will see a genuine kindness that is true in their life overall.

I am not my wife's caretaker, she has too much self respect for that, but I do care for her and her for me.

To the right person it's not as big a deal as you might think.

I wish you well, take care!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I laughed.


I did too


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Don't ever hide who you really are OP, if you need the cane, use it.

As with anything, with the right man, if you're compatible in other areas too, it won't matter.

I also have to say, that we have some truly lovely men on these boards, I was quite moved by almost every one of them who posted on this thread, and I believe they were sincere when they said the cane would only matter from a compatibility/activity point of view, not an attraction point of view


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

I was always brought up to believe that a disability is in the eye of the viewer not the person with the issue.

People with different, ok Ill use the disability line are all include to do what abled bodied people do , just differently. Your issue is one that many guys males and females coming back from Afghanistan etc sadly bring home. If someone sees the limp and cane before they see the person then they have the issue. 
People who have had life changing injuries can and do find people to love and be loved. And, if someone loves you that much then the physical restriction to sex can be worked on and in time and overcome. Don't let people see the concern about the injury. Allow your self to talk about and be asked about it. Most people who never have had such issues find it difficult to talk about the work arounds you put in place to have a "normal" day.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

personally, i find women with canes to be pretty hot...


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

I'd be down if I liked her enough. Having a limp and using a cane wouldn't be a big deal to me.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

thenub said:


> Instead of downplaying the cane. I would suggest getting a really good one and finding a local airbrush artist to do something that makes it scream you. I'll bet you would have a lot of men and women stopping and asking about it. If you're single it's a win win situation.
> When life gives you lemons, make lemonade


When I had to use a cane in my early 30's I just couldn't see myself with the silver basic cane that is standard nowadays. So my dad gave me my grampas cane. A keepsake that we had after he passed. It was an old school wooden cane with a curved handle. So for me it was a source of pride and it had some style


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Rugs said:


> I an 49 and was in a bad car accident a few years back. The accident messed up my neck and that messed up my right arm, hand and leg.
> 
> I noticed now that the weather is cold, my right leg is very stiff and I bought a cane at the drugstore the other day because I am afraid to fall.
> 
> I can't believe how many looks I received from both men and women. I was limping pretty badly and I know it's not a turn on but would it be a deal-breaker for you?


It would not bother me in the least. Go forth and conquer.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So you're not in your 50's yet ?? Too inexperienced for me unfortunately. Still a cane huh, grrr grrr!


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

I remember a girl in Florida when I was living there who was missing a leg, and she was hot!! Had crutches and all.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

I would not date a woman of 49, but that is merely because I'm almost 33. For me the age gap would be too much. Ask me that part again in ten years. Regarding the cane, it wouldn't be a deal breaker, but I'd much rather invest in a wheelchair and go around much like the picture below.


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