# Advice would be good



## deepthought (Feb 4, 2013)

Hi longish story but here goes...

Im 43 year old male, i was with my ex wife for 12 years, married for 6 and we have a little girl who is 6 years old

We separated nearly 2 years ago and have been divorced since Jan 13. When i met my ex wife i moved away from my hometown and we bought a house together
Everything was ok until about 6 months before we split, and she left me to be with another man she had been seeing for a few weeks. This relationship didnt last but i didnt keep tabs as such, i concentrated on the divorce and moved out the house. She also moved in with this new chap so the marital home was empty. During this time i went bankrupt so the mortgage wasnt getting paid etc, so eventually ex wife moved back in and carried on 
During this time, we had an agreement in place whereby we would share custody of our daughter 50/50. As i work from home most of the time this allowed me to be able to take her to school etc and this has been the case for the last 2 years nearly now
About 18 months ago i started a relationship with a woman who i had known for about 3 years. We didnt have any history etc, she was just neighbour. My ex wife didnt like this at the time but i didnt take any notice as i felt that we had both moved on and it wasnt any of her business. My girlfriend has 2 older children and she was kind and supportive to me and my daughter when i was working full time at home and bringing up my daughter in the time she was with me. We decided to move in together about 3 months ago and this was all ok at the time
Now 3 months on i feel i have made a mistake. We argue most of the time, she has changed and the rules of the house have become very apparent. I never have any money and she has no interest in any of my friends or family. All i do is work, look after my daughter or argue with her, life has become one long worry
Now my ex wife is taking me to court to have full residency of our daughter, another 6 months of trouble. 
Im at the stage now where i want to move out
I much prefer living on my own as im quite an upbeat guy, i hate bad atmospheres
Question is for me, if i dont get access through the courts, which i dont know what will happen as i cant afford legal aid, what else, apart from being a weekend dad, is there on offer for me here?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

When you say "she has changes and the the rules of the house have become apparent," are you speaking about your ex-wife, or are things w/ the girlfriend going sour? Not entirely clear to me.


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## deepthought (Feb 4, 2013)

Hi thanks for your response
Its with my girlfriend things have changed


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Ditch the girlfriend and focus in your daughter. Courts are not that quick to rip a fathers rights away when he has been doing half the work.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I think BFGuru has it right. It sounds like the current relationship isn't so good (and you might have started a new relationship a little too soon, so your initial judgement might have been off). Get your own place, focus on your daughter, and focus on yourself. When you've got all that together, then you can think about a new relationship.


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## deepthought (Feb 4, 2013)

well i had some tough times recently
Been on holiday with GF, her son and my daughter and it was terrible. GF on day 2 freaked out over a deck chair position and then treated me and my little one like second class citizens for the rest of the holiday. She threatened me, not the first time she has used physical violence against me, and locked us out the room for sometime. Anyway when we got home i said enough was enough and i would leave. She went crazy, basically saying its all my fault, will not listen to any reasoning and constantly "gaslighting" me
So i am at the conclusion that she is an abusive person in the relationship and that leaving is my only chance of any sanity
I spent the last 4 months walking on egg shells, anyone who has been in this type of relationship will tell you just how scary it can be. Her fits of rage over the slightest thing make me feel incredibly vulnerable. I dread coming back to the house, the constant door slamming and waiting for her to come in the rrom and start kicking off is sickening
Anyway today i got the OK for a small apartment, what a relief! cant tell you how much i am happy. Only problem is i cant move in until 2 weeks time so i now face 14 days in the house of hell.
God knows if i will survive but i got this far


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

hi deepthought, how are you? It's been a little over a week since you last posted.


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## tug (Sep 1, 2013)

BFGuru said:


> Ditch the girlfriend and focus in your daughter. Courts are not that quick to rip a fathers rights away when he has been doing half the work.





FeministInPink said:


> I think BFGuru has it right. It sounds like the current relationship isn't so good (and you might have started a new relationship a little too soon, so your initial judgement might have been off). Get your own place, focus on your daughter, and focus on yourself. When you've got all that together, then you can think about a new relationship.


X3... ditch the chick, focus on your daughter


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