# Had the cops do a welfare check



## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

So wife and I had a somewhat heated disagreement where everything was being projected back onto me. So I left for the day to get some peace. I wake up to a text message from her that had her closest siblings' phone numbers as well as her dad's, along the with who has her life insurance, and the password to her computer.

So I phoned the police to do a welfare check. She's constantly saying how much she hates her life so I didn't know what to do. Now she's texting me that she's sorry to disappoint me that she hasn't done anything to herself.

WTF....


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Diesel, we've been talking about your toxic marriage for five years now. If your W has strong BPD and NPD traits as you believe, your young daughter likely is now 2 or 3 years more emotionally mature than your W (whose development likely is frozen at age four). I expect that, at some point, you will realize that a divorce will allow your daughter to experience a healthy home environment 50% of the time, instead of experiencing a dysfunctional home 100% of the time. 

It is important that she see a healthy relationship so that, when she becomes an adult, she has something to pattern her own marriage after. Of course, you are the one who must decide when your daughter will be better off without you being there (to protect her all of the time) so she start seeing what a healthy home environment looks like.


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

Uptown said:


> Diesel, we've been talking about your toxic marriage for five years now. If your W has strong BPD and NPD traits as you believe, your young daughter likely is now 2 or 3 years more emotionally mature than your W (whose development likely is frozen at age four). I expect that, at some point, you will realize that a divorce will allow your daughter to experience a healthy home environment 50% of the time, instead of experiencing a dysfunctional home 100% of the time.
> 
> It is important that she see a healthy relationship so that, when she becomes an adult, she has something to pattern her own marriage after. Of course, you are the one who must decide when your daughter will be better off without you being there (to protect her all of the time) so she start seeing what a healthy home environment looks like.


Wow...5 years? I know I am delaying the inevitable of what's necessary. I work overnight still so I have minimal contact with my wife and more time with my daughter. I am working on a long term exit plan.

I guess what I'm trying to get at, did I handle the initial manipulation correctly by getting the police involved? 

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> Wow...5 years? I know I am delaying the inevitable of what's necessary. I work overnight still so I have minimal contact with my wife and more time with my daughter. I am working on a long term exit plan.
> 
> *I guess what I'm trying to get at, did I handle the initial manipulation correctly by getting the police involved?*
> 
> Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk


 Absolutely. If she was serious the authorities can help. If she was bluffing, she got called on it, and likely won't cry wolf again.
You did exactly the right thing.


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## Anela (Jun 4, 2015)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Absolutely. If she was serious the authorities can help. If she was bluffing, she got called on it, and likely won't cry wolf again.
> You did exactly the right thing.


Nope. It isn't manipulation, and the person is unlikely to say something again, in case someone calls the police. I have been suicidal, and I will never tell someone, if I'm to that point again.

That isn't the kind of thing to pull on someone. It's cruel. The OP may have been genuinely concerned, but if you just see it as pulling something on someone you think is crying wolf, that's just wrong.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> So wife and I had a somewhat heated disagreement where everything was being projected back onto me. So I left for the day to get some peace. I wake up to a text message from her that had her closest siblings' phone numbers as well as her dad's, along the with who has her life insurance, and the password to her computer.
> 
> So I phoned the police to do a welfare check. She's constantly saying how much she hates her life so I didn't know what to do. Now she's texting me that she's sorry to disappoint me that she hasn't done anything to herself.
> 
> WTF....


I guess her manipulation didn't work. Good on you for calling the police!


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Anela said:


> Nope. It isn't manipulation, and the person is unlikely to say something again, in case someone calls the police. I have been suicidal, and I will never tell someone, if I'm to that point again.
> 
> That isn't the kind of thing to pull on someone. It's cruel. The OP may have been genuinely concerned, but if you just see it as pulling something on someone you think is crying wolf, that's just wrong.


I actually attempted suicide, and I disagree. If someone is going to announce their intent, then they need to be stopped. Period. I didn't tell because I didn't want to be stopped. Thank goodness it didn't work. How _*pathetically selfish*_ I was to almost leave my kids without a mother.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You are right to make the call. Anytime someone says they will kill themselves, i take it seriously. Don't threaten suicide, becuase you want to manipulate someone. I would have made the call myself too.

My mother killed herself. She lefted behind 5 ****ed up kids and we were mostly adults when she did.


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