# Question to the ladies about their female friends..



## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

I know that women are more open with their female friends then a man is with his male friends. I am very slightly concerned about a female friend my wife has though.

I saw a message between them in which the other women randomly asked one day what my wife was wearing. She then asked if it was black panties and that bra she liked. My wife replied red panties, no bra and asked what she was wearing. The other woman replied that she was in her bday suit and the both LOL'd and changed the subject. The other woman ended the conversation with "bye lover".

It just struck me as odd and I dont know if this was just them being silly or if it means something. There has been no other conversation like that since (the message was 5 months ago). The other woman is engaged and all 4 of us have hung out quite a few times. 

There was only 1 other time where their behavior struck me as slightly inappropriate but there was drinking involved and I'm not sure if i didnt blow it out of proportion for other reasons.

Now I'm not asking people to tell me if she is cheating with this woman based off this. I'm just asking if I should be concerned or not. Again, I know women are more open with their friends then men are, so I just want to get some opinions on that conversation.


----------



## minimouse (Sep 14, 2013)

It's not a conversation I would have with one if my female friends, but I have known straight women that were "flirtatious" with certain girlfriends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Yeah I'm hoping it was just joking. Again, this took place a few months back. Just for kicks, I texted her and asked her what color panties she had on. First response was that she busted me and who was that text for. Next response was she was tired and wanted to relax. Finally she texted back the color.


----------



## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

hawx20 said:


> I know that women are more open with their female friends then a man is with his male friends. I am very slightly concerned about a female friend my wife has though.
> 
> I saw a message between them in which the other women randomly asked one day what my wife was wearing. She then asked if it was black panties and that bra she liked. My wife replied red panties, no bra and asked what she was wearing. The other woman replied that she was in her bday suit and the both LOL'd and changed the subject. The other woman ended the conversation with "bye lover".
> 
> ...


Context is everything.

Suppose, in a previous conversation between the friends, they were discussion pick-up lines that men use via texting, one of which would be "what are you wearing?". Perhaps they found the whole thing hilarious, and, just to be funny, started it up with each other to mimic or extend the joke.

It's the "context" that the conversation ends with "bye lover" that I would be concerned with if I were you. You see, unless the *entire* conversation was based on that particular joke between them, then it would suggest that their conversation was not entirely humorous but was based on some sort of personal relationship between them.

I have a bff that I have known for over 30 years. She knows just about everything about me and I her. We joke, we cry, we advise each other, but we have never called each other "lover" as the thought would disgust both of us and make us uncomfortable and cause concern. Never went there, nor had any desire to do so, not in fun or otherwise. But we have mimicked pick up lines and quotes from men that we found amusing and laughed about it. 

I suppose you would need to find the context of the conversation, however from what you wrote it does appear that you might need to pay more attention to what you think is going on between the two of them.


----------



## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

The whole context just seemed to be light hearted. The "bye lover" part struck me as really weird but even that was said with other things that seemed light hearted and jokingly. 

The whole conversation was really nothing more than a "i'm bored, what are you doing, what are your plans for the weekend" type conversation.

They have a group of friends that all do group text and they all tell each other "love you guys" and "miss you guys" all the time.

Its something i'm going to keep my eye on as it slightly concerns me but I want to make sure i dont blow this out of proportion. I just really wanted to see if other women have dont "flirtatious" stuff with another straight woman out of fun. I know as a man I would never ask my best friend what the color of his underwear are but women are different.


----------



## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

I am on the side that it probably isnt anything. The only reason it struck me is because earlier this year there was an incident that happened that I didnt particularly care for which she blew off as nothing.

It was a small incident, but I didnt think it was appropriate.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Yeah. what was the incident?


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Context is everything. Unfortunately, as many other females have pointed out, close women friends share a kind of emotional freedom that men simply can't do. If my husband scrolled through my texts with my friends he'd find many such conversations, even one about the produce man at Safeway! That's a funny story that has nothing to do with cheating!


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Umm....well, if that was me, it would mean I was cheating.


----------



## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Dont want to give to much detail about the incident. Lets just say it was pretty hot, about as hot as can be without touching each other, but it should of been with me, not her.


----------



## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

are you sure the number on the phone actually belongs to who you think it does?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

The "bye lover" seems odd... unless they were making fun of a guy who said that at some point.

The only time I talk about undies with my BFF aside from when we go shopping for them would be if she was wearing something that day that required a certain color or style. My BFF doesn't wear panties so if I know she's wear a skirt I may text "I hope you're wearing panties!" or if it's a sheer layered look I may ask if she's wearing the new beige bra she got when we were shopping last weekend, etc.

This is one of those "trust but verify" (geez I've been on TAM too long) situations.


----------



## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I wouldn't think anything of it. My girlfriends and I would text like that in the right mood... there was probably a conversation before that about bra shopping or something, and it was a reference to that. 
My gf and I just texted the other day about getting a hotel room, snuggling up all night, and ordering breakfast in bed in the morning. I thought that was totally normal?  Some of us ladies just have non-sexual but snuggly love down pat.


----------



## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

hawx20 said:


> Dont want to give to much detail about the incident. Lets just say it was pretty hot, about as hot as can be without touching each other, but it should of been with me, not her.


Details, bro! LOL

If I read texts like that on my wife's phone, it would turn me on like you wouldn't believe. And now that you're adding a little about this 'incident,' perhaps you should jump aboard my train and enjoy the ride. 

If your wife is going to experiment with another woman, at least get some pleasure out of it. I'm not taking full threesome or even being a bystander. But don't lt her keep it a secret and use it as erotic conversation while you and your wife are having sex.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

hawx20 said:


> Dont want to give to much detail about the incident. Lets just say it was pretty hot, about as hot as can be without touching each other, but it should of been with me, not her.


Which is probably why it's bothering you... As others have said, context is everything.

I don't talk to my female friends the way you said your W did to her friend in your OP, but many women do and it means nothing.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

As I have posted over the past year or so, I have seen a lot of "trendy" behavior from women who go out of their way to say such things but not in private. Many of them do like female lap dances though as well. Partaking in "girl" shots and kissing in front of the guys. Lots of girl on girl flirting. Whatever. But it is very trendy.

What was this? A data point. Put it in your back pocket. 

If this was an exchange from a guy to your wife I would say do not blow it off. 

But then again you tease the TAM folks by not wanting to say what the "incident" was. Why? So understand it is hard to take this question too seriously if you only hint at something. I find that more interesting than what you told us.

Indeed when I see the ladies acting out in this way, there is often drinking going on. BUT, I will tell you, like a lot of guys they are not as drunk as you think. Some people act drunk so they can get away with acting out or hitting on someone else. It is an excuse from boundaries. Or at least that is what they are trying to have. I was drinking so it does not count. Right.

But anyway, I have seen much of this in certain cicles.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

hawx20 said:


> I know that women are more open with their female friends then a man is with his male friends. I am very slightly concerned about a female friend my wife has though.
> 
> I saw a message between them in which the other women randomly asked one day what my wife was wearing. She then asked if it was black panties and that bra she liked. My wife replied red panties, no bra and asked what she was wearing. The other woman replied that she was in her bday suit and the both LOL'd and changed the subject. The other woman ended the conversation with "bye lover".
> 
> ...


I suppose every woman is different, I am liable to say ANYTHING to my girl friends, very open ...but I would NEVER talk like that...I am a straight as they come, even a kiss with a girl, huge turn off, don't like that sort of porn either..  Never had a GF talk to me like that...and one of them is a lesbian. I think she shows better. 



> *Entropy3000 said*: But then again you tease the TAM folks by not wanting to say what the "incident" was. Why? So understand it is hard to take this question too seriously if you only hint at something. I find that more interesting than what you told us.


Yeah, WHY , what's the big deal, no one knows who you or your wife ...trust me... we've read IT ALL on this forum anyway... If the unrevealed incident is THAT ....she has to have some BI tendencies, some fantasy... to get into it that much.. a person couldn't pay me to act like that with another woman.. so speaking from Ultra straightness.. that's what I think. 

How will you feel -if this behavior escalates..I've met a man who prefers BI women BECAUSE of this sort of turn on. Assuming she is heading this direction...and the other woman is game....again...how would you feel /handle it ?


----------



## LoveBeingFemale (Nov 5, 2012)

Yes, context can be one thing, however, never in my life have I asked a friend, even a very close friend, if they were wearing a certain color of bra or panty (and a certain one that they happened to like on top of it). It doesn't make sense. And then ended the text with that type of ending. And then another incident on top of it that was "hot"--I'm taking the incident was inappropriate??


----------



## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

I don't speak to female friends about what underwear I'm wearing.

(Unless we were going shopping for lingerie or something.)

Maybe she likes taking a dip in the lady pond. Could be a dream for some guys.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

hawx20 said:


> I saw a message between them in which the other women randomly asked one day what my wife was wearing. She then asked if it was black panties and that bra she liked. My wife replied red panties, no bra and asked what she was wearing. The other woman replied that she was in her bday suit and the both LOL'd and changed the subject. The other woman ended the conversation with "bye lover".
> 
> It just struck me as odd and I don't know if this was just them being silly or if it means something.


They were flirting. And apparently the friend had sen you wife's underwear before. 

I do not talk like this to my girl friends.


----------



## jennyh80 (Oct 14, 2013)

First off, why were you reading their texts?

Three things sound odd to me. The "by lover" and the fact that the friend was naked while chatting your wife. She has obviously seen your wife's certain underwear she liked. I does sound like mild sexting.


----------



## KnuckleDown (Oct 14, 2013)

hawx20 said:


> It just struck me as odd and I dont know if this was just them being silly or if it means something. There has been no other conversation like that since (the message was 5 months ago). The other woman is engaged and all 4 of us have hung out quite a few times.


No other conversations that you know of. This is how my W's affair with her best friend started. We all hung out together too, as couples, so I figured nothing could be going on and I was just being paranoid. 

If your gut is telling you something, trust it. It was two years before I found out the truth. And even then, I had to call her bluff in order to confirm it.

Good luck.

EDIT: And I get that women say flirty things to each other. Context and tone is everything. You can't tell tone from a text, but you can tell tone from how your W talks about her friend to you, as well as by the tone she uses in person with her friend.


----------



## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

The 'other incident' has still yet to be identified. My guess is the two women jerked off together without doing each other. That is still a very hot scene. 

Sorry, folks. I'm just horny as usual.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Okay, I'm not the only one! lol

I know it's a total double standard, but I probably would have no problem with my partner having a same-sex relationship, as long as she stayed with me throughout. And as long as she was open about it with me. Don't need details, just wouldn't want it to be a total hidden secret.

Silly, right? If it was another man, totally different story. Not entirely sure what it is that would make me okay with another woman.

I guess, to me, it's different. Another woman can provide things that I couldn't, to a certain degree.

And oddly enough, I'm not into girl-on-girl porn (or any porn, really). Nor would I be interested in a 3-some, even with 2 other women. I'd rather not share that with someone other than my partner. It's just one of those things that wouldn't bother me, and could even be beneficial to my sex life.

Now if something like that became "instead of me", or it greatly reduced the sex and intimacy within our relationship, then I'd have a problem. But if it didn't impact our relationship, or even made it better/hotter, than I'm all for it.

Double standard!!!! 



40isthenew20 said:


> Details, bro! LOL
> 
> If I read texts like that on my wife's phone, it would turn me on like you wouldn't believe. And now that you're adding a little about this 'incident,' perhaps you should jump aboard my train and enjoy the ride.
> 
> If your wife is going to experiment with another woman, at least get some pleasure out of it. I'm not taking full threesome or even being a bystander. But don't lt her keep it a secret and use it as erotic conversation while you and your wife are having sex.


----------



## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

My girlfriends and I call each other lover--and usually in the context of greeting or saying goodbye. "Hi, lover," "bye lover." Yep.

Same with the racy talk about underwear or whatever. We're always referring to little details as though we're in lesbian relationships---like how much we loved showering together than time on our spa trip, how jealous we are of the new girl next door, how great that massage was. Whatever. It's fairly constant. I don't know why--I've known these girls for 25 years, I know their deepest secrets and fears and fantasies . . . and I've never had anything remotely erotic happen with any of them. Just talking smack I guess. Oh, we do sometimes do it in front of other people, too. Wow, I never thought about how someone might take us seriously. We're just being silly.


----------



## DobermanLove (Aug 19, 2013)

Wow, this is seriously being over analyzed. Women have different relationships with one another than your average male/male friendship. My female friend will talk to me about masturbation it's not a big deal. I could not see this being the same way around if my fiance was talking with his male friends. It really isn't a big deal and you shouldn't be snooping through her phone.


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

hawx20 said:


> I know that women are more open with their female friends then a man is with his male friends. I am very slightly concerned about a female friend my wife has though.
> 
> I saw a message between them in which the other women randomly asked one day what my wife was wearing. She then asked if it was black panties and that bra she liked. My wife replied red panties, no bra and asked what she was wearing. The other woman replied that she was in her bday suit and the both LOL'd and changed the subject. The other woman ended the conversation with "bye lover".
> 
> ...


My wife had a friend that played lesbian with too. No physical affair, just constant flirting and dirty dancing and lots of cute nicknames. I sat them down and put a stop to it. 
All that matters is if you are uncomfortable. If a spouse is doing things that are out of your comfort zone then it is up to YOU to stop it. Don't ask. Tell.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I don't agree with that, and here's why:

Everybody has a different comfort zone, and it's not up to us to tell our partners to "stop" because it's out of yours.

There are exceptions, of course, but you need to draw the line at things that really CAN affect your relationship, not simple fun behaviour. It is our partners' personalities that we were drawn to in the first place, so it's never in one's best interests to change them for our sakes.

Now, for my part, I did this to my wife once, and with good reason, I think. But it's not simply because it was out of my comfort zone, it was because what she was doing could be construed in any number of ways to others, and it could have (and might have) affected our relationship, at least from an outside point of view.

My wife has always worked in an extremely male-dominated industry. There are women in other areas of the company, but she is, and always has been, the sole female employee at her position. And being rather blue-collar, it is a little more "open" in terms of how the employees talk to each other.

My wife has always been a very flirty woman (which I have little problem with - it's her personality). She only has eyes for me, and I trust her.

However being the only woman in her job, and surrounded by blue collar males, the chit-chat amongst them was not always appropriate. My wife, also being quite confident about herself, and definitely a tom-boy, did not ever play the "woman card" with her fellow employees, and took their "compliments" and otherwise edgy comments to her in a way that could have been construed as her being interested, or even possibly available.

However, at one point, there was a co-worker of hers who DID take it beyond my comfort level, and hers, and that's when I had no problem asking her to handle herself a bit differently going forward. Asked, not demanded.

In a nutshell, she had/has a co-worker who pretty much sees her as a piece of meat. He's not overly disgusting with her, we just figured that he kept pushing the boundaries with her, and because she didn't let him know he crossed any lines, he kept going farther with it.

It came to a head when (they were Facebook friends, past tense) he was sending her messages commenting on what she was wearing. And in particular, when we set up our stag and doe fundraiser for our wedding, he mentioned to her that she should wear a low-cut top to show off her boobs. Her reply was to laugh it off, basically, but she wasn't happy. However she wasn't the type to tell him to f-off, just ignore.

At the actual stag and doe, he made a similar comment to her, and she responded appropriately, all on her own, without me asking her to tell him where to go. Basically told him that was inappropriate, ESPECIALLY at the fundraiser for her wedding, and to not talk to her like that again, at work, or outside.

So in essence, it worked itself out on it's own. My trust in her allowed her to come to her own conclusions, particularly about this person.

To be fair, it did take quite a bit of dialogue to get to the point where it crossed HER lines, and THIS is the only thing I brought up afterwards. No demands on her, no ultimatums. Just my observations that it got to this point with this guy because she didn't stop it in its tracks when it should have. She didn't disagree, and since then, no more incidents like that.

I told her, from my point of view, that I understood that it's not easy to be the only woman doing what she does, and that she just wants to fit in and have good relationships with her co-workers. BUT, that she is still a woman, and women shouldn't be treated like that, AND that she is in a relationship and she shouldn't be afraid to tell somebody that they are acting inappropriate.

Had I started this all off by demanding she not responf a certain way because it makes ME feel uncomfortable, it all could have gone sideways.




nogutsnoglory said:


> If a spouse is doing things that are out of your comfort zone then it is up to YOU to stop it. Don't ask. Tell.


----------

