# ISTJ - "the duty fullfiller" spouse



## I'll make tea

Are you familiar with the MBTI?

I did a Jung Typology Test in order to find out what type my husband is answering the questions as I thought he would and found out he was ISTJ. I was right by the way because my hubby later did the test and came out ISTJ.

Quote from Wikipedia:


> ISTJs are faithful, logical, organized, sensible, and earnest traditionalists who enjoy keeping their lives and environments well-regulated. Typically reserved and serious individuals, they earn success through their thoroughness and extraordinary dependability. They are capable of shutting out distractions in order to take a practical, logical approach to their endeavors, and are able to make the tough decisions that other types avoid. Realistic and responsible, ISTJs are often seen as worker bees striving steadily toward their goals. Despite their dependability and good intentions, however, ISTJs can experience difficulty in understanding and responding to the emotional needs of others. [10][dead link]
> 
> Although they often focus on their internal world, ISTJs prefer dealing with the present and the factual. They are detail-oriented and weigh various options when making decisions, although they generally stick to the conventional. ISTJs are well-prepared for eventualities and have a good understanding of most situations. They believe in practical objectives, and they value traditions and loyalty.


Here is a describtion of the ISTJ as a lover: ISTJ Relationships

One can be very happy if one is married to an ISTJ guy because their word is good as gold, one just must understand that their love language is doing things instead of saying things. Be happy because they are very special and "rare" - only ten percent of the population.

Any ISTJs or guys married to ISTJs here? Did any of you do the MBTI? Which type are you / your spouse.

I am ENFP by the way.


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## Giro flee

I am an ISTJ wife. Maybe this is why I really wanted to work so hard at my marriage and my LD problem.... I didn't realize this was a rare personality type, maybe even more rare for a woman.


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## I'll make tea

Giro flee said:


> I am an ISTJ wife. Maybe this is why I really wanted to work so hard at my marriage and my LD problem.... I didn't realize this was a rare personality type, maybe even more rare for a woman.


It's more rare in women than in men. I just looked up the numbers, because I have a sheet about ISTJs, 16,4% of males, 6,9% of females and 11,6% of total population are ISTJ.

Since I an ENFP I cannot be asked to compute if that numbers add up, can I?

ISTJs are rare and the ones who caught one can count themselves lucky because they are loyal spouses and devoted parents.

Which type is your husband?


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## Giro flee

My husband gets a different result every time he takes the test! I don't know what that means. The only thing that stays the same is the I, definitely introverted. I can never understand this result as an ISTJ because you should always answer the questions the same, how can your answer change? Either I like asparagus or I don't, my answer never changes. It is funny watching him take the test because he really doesn't know how to answer, he sits there waffling, telling me that all of the answers depend on the situation.


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## Married but Happy

I'm INTJ, and my wife is INFJ. We are very well matched. All of my best dates and relationships were with INFx/ENFx types. My ex was ESFJ and a terrible match for me.


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## I'll make tea

I feel the same. My result is ENFP, but answering the questions I thought "Well... that depends.... oh... that depends again".

I feel my husbands type description is more accurate than mine. I did the test for him before he did it and it was by far easier to answer for him than to answer for myself... because once he has made up his mind about things it never changes + I know his opinion on most things by now. He is older than me, that could be the reason.

I sometimes do like aspergus and sometimes don't by the way. It depends on how it is prepared, the weather (I like it best in spring), my mood and so on.

What is it like for you being an ISTJ?


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## jld

Dh is INTP, for sure. I think I am INFP. Dh read the description the other day, and said it sure sounds like me.

Those tests can be so tricky. The only thing I am sure of is that I am not an S.


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## arbitrator

*ISTJ here, big time! At least according to the description!

But I have no earthly idea what my rich skanky XW is(other than a cheater), but in any event, she saw reason to start covertly fooling around with other men from her past and then summarily ditched me!*


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## Giro flee

What is it like for you being an ISTJ?[/QUOTE]

I think it definitely has helped being a wife with an H who travels a lot. I just do what is needed for our family to prosper. No whining about it. 

Even though I have no need for warm fuzzy words I do realize that others love them. I may not understand other peoples feelings, but I do understand that is my responsibility to make sure I'm doing my best to honor them. Responsibility and duty are my thing. (Boring) say my kids.

Just reading about all of the emotions that people are struggling with is very eye-opening, especially the men here. I always felt different to most women, and a lot of similarity to males so it was surprising that men had such emotional drama going on, they just aren't as good at communicating it.

My ISTJ personality probably saved us from a sexless marriage or worse a divorce. Sometimes I feel like I'm super dull, especially compared to my extroverted daughter. I've learned to accept that my personality type keeps our family even keeled and prosperous.


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## jld

Giro flee said:


> I am an ISTJ wife. Maybe this is why I really wanted to work so hard at my marriage and my LD problem.... I didn't realize this was a rare personality type, maybe even more rare for a woman.


How did you solve your LD problem?


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## Philat

I'll make tea said:


> Are you familiar with the MBTI?
> 
> I did a Jung Typology Test in order to find out what type my husband is answering the questions as I thought he would and found out he was ISTJ. I was right by the way because my hubby later did the test and came out ISTJ.
> 
> Quote from Wikipedia:
> 
> Here is a describtion of the ISTJ as a lover: ISTJ Relationships
> 
> One can be very happy if one is married to an ISTJ guy because their word is good as gold, one just must understand that their love language is doing things instead of saying things. Be happy because they are very special and "rare" - only ten percent of the population.
> 
> Any ISTJs or guys married to ISTJs here? Did any of you do the MBTI? Which type are you / your spouse.
> 
> I am ENFP by the way.


There's Myers Briggs type, and then there's compatibility. In MB terms, you and your H are complete opposites (realizing that there is a scale of degree along each of the dimensions). Are you finding this to be an issue?


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## Giro flee

jld said:


> How did you solve your LD problem?


Well as an ISTJ I know that sex is my duty as a wife. Since my husband clearly expressed this as one of his needs I have spent huge amounts of time researching solutions, reasons for the problem, etc. so that I can fulfill this duty and respect his needs. 

From my extensive research and efforts to fix the problem we have learned how to work with my responsive desire. I may not have spontaneous desire, and I may never be great at initiating, but I have learned that I am fabulous at responsive desire! I think I tried every cream, pill, supplement, exercise, book, video, porn, erotica, the list is endless. My husband was content way before I was and he was the one who finally made me stop trying to "fix" myself. I am LD, that doesn't mean we can't have great, fulfilling sex.


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## jld

Did he just want sex, or was he picky about it? 

So many men say they do not want "duty sex." I suppose every man defines that differently.


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## Giro flee

jld said:


> Did he just want sex, or was he picky about it?
> 
> So many men say they do not want "duty sex." I suppose every man defines that differently.


No, he didn't want duty sex, that was one of the first options that we tried, a definite no to that. He didn't have any specific acts, he just wanted enthusiasm and a comfortable level of frequency. It probably took almost ten years of trial and error with tons of research and therapy for me to understand how my mind and body work. 

That ISTJ personality really was essential in recognizing the problem as well as solving it. It was a huge amount of work, and I mean huge. Delving into almost every aspect of our lives, past and present, and how they interacted was exhausting, frustrating, confusing, and even embarrassing.


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## lowcal

I (mostly) tested as an INTJ and my boyfriend tested as ENFP, too. He is so different from me that even after years, I'm still amazed to find that a person that thinks like this really exists sometimes. He too agreed that we are very different. But despite that, somehow we get along very well.


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## KathyBatesel

My husband took this when we were dating, but I can't remember if he was ISTJ. I believe it was ISTJ. He's definitely consistent with the description here. 

I'm INTP. 

Our personalities balance pretty well but he does offer a lot of unsolicited advice, particularly when I am driving!


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## weightlifter

Mine came up "alien"

OK not really. Think it overstated my extroversion and understated my thinking. But OK.

ENTJ
Extravert(44%) iNtuitive(38%) Thinking(12%) Judging(78%)
You have moderate preference of Extraversion over Introversion (44%)
You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (38%)
You have slight preference of Thinking over Feeling (12%)
You have strong preference of Judging over Perceiving (78%)


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## I'll make tea

Giro flee said:


> Just reading about all of the emotions that people are struggling with is very eye-opening, especially the men here. I always felt different to most women, and a lot of similarity to males so it was surprising that men had such emotional drama going on, they just aren't as good at communicating it.


Don't you feel those emotions then?
I thought ISTJ people feel emotions but just don't talk about them.


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## I'll make tea

Philat said:


> There's Myers Briggs type, and then there's compatibility. In MB terms, you and your H are complete opposites (realizing that there is a scale of degree along each of the dimensions). Are you finding this to be an issue?


I would not want to be married to a person who was just like me... that would be boring. Besides... ISTJs and ENFPs complement one another.
For example ISTJs like to make plans about practical matters, have lists, which they like to follow and so on.

Now imagine two ISTJs want to go on a vactation, both came up with a list, both are sure that their list is the best one ever...

... or imagine two ENFPs want to go on a vactation, nobody has a list, nobody thought about what needed to be packed, nobody has an idea where the passports are.

I learned that there are ISTJs and that my hubby is one only recently. I appreciated his ISTJ qualities like loyality, putting great effort into things, bravery and always having a plan before. I did not need to know he is an ISTJ + don't need to be an ISTJ to do.

I struggled to deal with he never talks about feelings.


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## jld

I'll make tea said:


> I struggled to deal with he never talks about feelings.


Hi, Imt. I think this is pretty common with men. Dh does it, but will probably never do it as naturally as I do. He is a T, and just like I will probably never be naturally as dry as he is, he is never going to be as into feelings as I am.

Active listening works well, I think, just drawing him out. And just telling him, listen, I need to know your feelings, start spilling them, can work, too. At least it does with my T. But it can be annoying to have to draw it out.

But probably you are drawn to that in a way, too. 

Nobody's marriage is perfect. There is always some work to do, some compromise to be made. You just have to be satisfied with how much compromise you are making.

Sorry if this is not quite what you are looking for.


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## I'll make tea

No, that's okay 

I was not "looking" for anything. I only wanted to chat about MTBI in general and ISTJ spouses in special.

I do not like active listening that much. Remember the talk we had about that , I feel a l is "patronizing"... but I am glad you found something that works for your relationship.


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## Giro flee

I'll make tea said:


> Don't you feel those emotions then?
> I thought ISTJ people feel emotions but just don't talk about them.


I have emotions😄. I just find that other people seem to take less stimuli to get all worked up. Crying because my H forgot an anniversary, jealous if H talks to another woman, being blue if a spouse is on a trip, etc. I also don't really get an emotional bonding experience during sex like other people relate. Is this from being ISTJ or is it from my upbringing? I understand that other people have problems controlling their feelings, but sometimes I am baffled by the intensity of their feelings over what I feel is not a big deal. (My sister cries over her hair all the time???? Wtf?)


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## jld

What do you think would help, Imt?


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## Openminded

I'm an ISTJ and I am not very emotional. I have never liked talking about emotions. Or needs. I don't think I even have needs. I am extremely strong on duty and responsibility. Which is probably what kept me in a not great marriage for 45 years. 

My first love, with whom I have now reconnected, is an ESFP. I knew almost 50 years ago he was perfect for me but I broke up with him anyway and had too much pride to explain. So I married someone else. He married later and twice. Neither of us was suited to the people we married. 

Which is not to say we don't clash. We do because we are very different. But we are what the other needs. And we knew it then. Just too young at that point to make it work.


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## AliceA

Giro flee said:


> Well as an ISTJ I know that sex is my duty as a wife. Since my husband clearly expressed this as one of his needs I have spent huge amounts of time researching solutions, reasons for the problem, etc. so that I can fulfill this duty and respect his needs.
> 
> From my extensive research and efforts to fix the problem we have learned how to work with my responsive desire. I may not have spontaneous desire, and I may never be great at initiating, but I have learned that I am fabulous at responsive desire! I think I tried every cream, pill, supplement, exercise, book, video, porn, erotica, the list is endless. My husband was content way before I was and he was the one who finally made me stop trying to "fix" myself. I am LD, that doesn't mean we can't have great, fulfilling sex.


INFJ, and also dealt with being LD married to a HD. Found I'm also responsive, not spontaneous with my desire. Researched the problem too, after realising it was basically his biggest need in the marriage. We probably came at it a bit differently but with the same results.


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## john117

The test and categories are too simplistic and don't take into consideration one's ability to morph from one subcategory to another, be it voluntarily or as a learned response.

For the most part I am poster child for extroverts, in practice...


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## OhGeesh

I'll make tea said:


> Are you familiar with the MBTI?
> 
> I did a Jung Typology Test in order to find out what type my husband is answering the questions as I thought he would and found out he was ISTJ. I was right by the way because my hubby later did the test and came out ISTJ.
> 
> Quote from Wikipedia:
> 
> Here is a describtion of the ISTJ as a lover: ISTJ Relationships
> 
> One can be very happy if one is married to an ISTJ guy because their word is good as gold, one just must understand that their love language is doing things instead of saying things. Be happy because they are very special and "rare" - only ten percent of the population.
> 
> Any ISTJs or guys married to ISTJs here? Did any of you do the MBTI? Which type are you / your spouse.
> 
> I am ENFP by the way.


You are putting way too much value on personality tests. I would write you a book and tell you why, but it boils down to free will and we can choose to be a certain way even if its not our natural tendency.


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## Phenix70

john117 said:


> T*he test and categories are too simplistic and don't take into consideration one's ability to morph from one subcategory to another, be it voluntarily or as a learned response.*
> 
> For the most part I am poster child for extroverts, in practice...


Or nature vs nurture. 
I think people like to use tests and categories to explain away their issues, instead of facing their issues head on.
It's easier to say "Oh I'm an introvert so that explains why I can't or won't do XYZ."
We all have free will, we all have the ability to make choices, fitting into a category can take away self responsibility.


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## I'll make tea

Phenix70 said:


> Or nature vs nurture.
> I think people like to use tests and categories to explain away their issues, instead of facing their issues head on.
> It's easier to say "Oh I'm an introvert so that explains why I can't or won't do XYZ."
> We all have free will, we all have the ability to make choices, fitting into a category can take away self responsibility.


I do not think that this is about "issues". I am pretty extroverted and my husband is pretty introverted... and neither of us "needs to be fixed".

I do not know if MBTI is really scientific but I found it very helpful. It describes my husband well and he thinks so too. I also like the fact that it has something nice to say about every type.

Nature vs. nature... that's a different question. I for example don't know if I + my siblings were born extroverted or just ended up like this because my parents encouraged it. Can one ever be sure?


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## I'll make tea

Stonewall said:


> That sounds a lot like me except the part about understanding others emotional needs. I don't know what I am. SA told me one time but I forgot now.


If you want to find out: Personality test based on C. Jung and I. Briggs Myers type theory

Unfortunatly it is long.


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## I'll make tea

RICGD? Which test did you do?

The inspector is the same as the ISTJ



Wikipedia said:


> Inspectors are careful and thorough in examining people and institutions. Comprising about 6 to 10 percent of the population, Inspectors are decisive in practical affairs. These guardians of institutions are perhaps best described as dependable: Inspectors are people of their word, intent on preserving social and family values. At home and at work, Inspectors reliably examine the people and products that fall under their tutelage—unobtrusively ensuring uniform quality and demanding that certain standards of conduct are maintained.
> 
> In both their professional and personal lives, individuals of this type are rather quiet and serious. Inspectors are extraordinarily persevering and dependable. The thought of dishonoring a contract would appall a person of this type. When they give their word, they give their honor. Inspectors can be counted on to conserve the resources of the institution they serve and bring to their work a practical point of view. They perform their duties without flourish or fanfare; therefore, the dedication they bring to their work can go unnoticed and unappreciated.
> 
> While not directly seeking leadership positions, Inspectors are often placed in such roles. They build a reputation for reliable, stable, and consistent performance that inspires others to select them to lead. Inspectors use their past experience and their factual knowledge in their decision making.
> 
> For Inspectors, love means commitment, steadiness, and consistency. Inspectors expect themselves and their mates to be responsible, practical, and dependable. When in a relationship, they behave appropriately for what the situation or their role demands. For example, if the relationship is in the courting stage, the Inspector will exhibit courting behaviors, such as giving boxes of candy, red roses, and presents. These are worthwhile and important traditions to uphold and observe because they give direct evidence of commitment


Would you say that this describes you?


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## kitty2013

I am ISFP. Anyone else here has similar personality?


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## johnAdams

I'll make tea said:


> Are you familiar with the MBTI?
> 
> I did a Jung Typology Test in order to find out what type my husband is answering the questions as I thought he would and found out he was ISTJ. I was right by the way because my hubby later did the test and came out ISTJ.
> 
> Quote from Wikipedia:
> 
> Here is a describtion of the ISTJ as a lover: ISTJ Relationships
> 
> One can be very happy if one is married to an ISTJ guy because their word is good as gold, one just must understand that their love language is doing things instead of saying things. Be happy because they are very special and "rare" - only ten percent of the population.
> 
> Any ISTJs or guys married to ISTJs here? Did any of you do the MBTI? Which type are you / your spouse.
> 
> I am ENFP by the way.


I have taken the Myers-Briggs personality preference type assessment at least 3 times over my career. I am an ISTJ. Although the last time I took it I was an ISFJ. In my old age I guess I have become more people and feelings oriented. Mrs. JA is an E and I am an I, she is also probably more of an N as she is creative while I am analytical. I work for a large technological corporation with many engineers so ISTJ is probably the norm where I work.


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## I'll make tea

@ Mrs. John Adams: It seems not to work for everyone. A pity!

@ Mr. John Adams. They say that the different personalities have different "ideal careers". Engineer is one of the jobs "recommended" for ISTJs.... so probably yes!

Are the both of you married by the way? So many couples here, that's nice!


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## UsernameHere

Just took the test myself:

Introverted (I) 55.56% Extroverted (E) 44.44%
Sensing (S) 72.73% Intuitive (N) 27.27%
Thinking (T) 57.58% Feeling (F) 42.42%
Judging (J) 61.54% Perceiving (P) 38.46%

Your type is: ISTJ

ISTJ - "Trustee". Decisiveness in practical affairs. Guardian of time- honored institutions. Dependable. 11.6% of total population. 

Should I be pleased?


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## I'll make tea

UsernameHere said:


> Should I be pleased?


Yes, ISTJs rule! :smthumbup:

Do you like the description?


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## UsernameHere

I'll make tea said:


> Yes, ISTJs rule! :smthumbup:
> 
> Do you like the description?


I was intrigued by the wikipedia excerpt, which stated "Inspectors reliably examine the people and products that fall under their tutelage—unobtrusively ensuring uniform quality and demanding that certain standards of conduct are maintained."

The bulk of my career has been in the area of software process quality, process auditing and I am in a Quality Managers role in my current job. So that sort of matches my personality to some degree, I like to see things done efficiently and correctly.

However some areas of my personality I feel have presented challenges in dealing effectively with some life events. 

I recently on some Management Training completed a DISC Profile that mapped me as a "Practitioner". I would say that matched pretty well with me.


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