# So confused about what he actually wants



## Justaconfusedwoman (Feb 27, 2014)

I'm sorry I don't understand where to put this or how to even go about it, however I am desperate for ANY advice. 

Background:
Marine guy and Navy woman, we've been together 2.5 years. 
He just got moved to California and I'm in a different state. He started dropping the "M" word (m a r r i a g e). He has never been married and I have. 

My first marriage was awful, he didn't actually propose he just kind of talked me into getting married and that only lasted about 8 months. The Marine I am with now is wonderful, however he seems like he wants to get married just so that the military will move me closer to him. He keeps talking about Vegas and tying the knot. 

To be honest I don't care about a wedding ( a Vegas wedding is fine), or a fancy ring (it could be from a .25 cent machine for all I care), it's the gesture of a proposal that I NEED. He even left me a nametag for his uniform that he said I would need when I changed my name, but he never mentions anything about actually proposing. 

He says that "doing it the right way" as I called it, could take years. 

Help! Does he really want to "M" word or is this just a ploy to keep me closer? If he does really want it, why doesn't he want to do it the right way and ask me to be his wife?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Perhaps you just need to tell him what you need to make it work for you. He'll probably step up and do it, don't you think? Don't expect him to read your mind or share your idea of how it should be done - he's doing the best he can, most likely.


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## Justaconfusedwoman (Feb 27, 2014)

I agree, perhaps I have been to worried he isn't serious about it, that I haven't truly said what my idea of starting this journey means to me. 
That's a wonderful way to look at it, thank you kindly. 
I will try this and see what it brings.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Justaconfusedwoman said:


> I'm sorry I don't understand where to put this or how to even go about it, however I am desperate for ANY advice.
> 
> Background:
> Marine guy and Navy woman, we've been together 2.5 years.
> ...



First off it sounds like you are suspicious of his motives. This is a serious move, and should not be taken lightly. Since he does not put all his efforts into this move, it makes you wonder if he is really serious about committing for a life time.

Second it sounds like him asking the right way is part of what you need to know his really wants marriage. As it stands now, it is more like a hint and if you decline or say no, he has not ventured much and can keep going as if nothing happened. So he does not look serious, more like "if it happens it happens, else we just go on."

If he were to ask properly then he would be putting himself on the line and leaving you with the final decision of marriage or going separate ways. For a guy it is a scary move. When I proposed I was so scared I ate and ate until I was about to throw up. I was waiting to get enough nerve to get down on one knee and propose. The entire restaurant was empty except for the staff, my stomach felt like it was going to explode, and when I popped the question she actually teased me by saying "no" at first (she thought it was a joke, but to me I was dead for a few seconds).

Anyhow, you need to let him know that a proper proposal is required before you make the decision. Force him to go through the "Will you do me the honer of being my wife."


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## Redpill (Mar 20, 2014)

So you want him to propose to you? When the man gets down on one knee to ask the woman that he loves (and supposedly she loves him) to marry him? It's tantamount to begging the way I see it; an outdated social construct. 

Don't women want gender equality? Or does equality only apply to certain parts of life? I'd like to see more women asking men for the PRIVILEGE to marry.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I think you're getting hung up on the wrong things here. What's this whole "doing it the right way" stuff? Who says what's right and what isn't? Maybe he feels he is doing it the right way. He wants you there with him no matter what it takes.He's willing to be legally tied to you in order to get you there and spend his life with you. Is there anything more romantic than that?? Seriously.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

If a man wants to be closer to you, that's exactly what he is looking for.

Rather than be turned off/scared how about embracing that there is someone out there that loves you enough to spend as much time as possible with you.

:scratchhead:


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