# Morning greetings



## Greenvalley (Mar 24, 2016)

I've been married for nearly a year now to a man I truly love. One thing I can't seem to make clear is that I'd would like interaction and a greeting in the morning. I started by saying mornings are important to me and that I like to connect with him when we first wake up. I always wake up when he does so we aren't waking up at different times. He tells me he doesn't understand this. He will just go on his phone or go to the bathroom on his phone. And when he comes back after 10-15 minutes he'll still be on his phone and still has no interaction with me. I don't understand how interacting with your spouse doesn't come naturally to someone. I've had to explain to roll over, look at each other, no phone, touch/hug, say good morning, say I love you, kiss, and I'm trying to explain how it's nice to talk in the morning. I'm thinking of just early morning talk, whatever comes to mind to connect and share with each other, nothing extensive but he has no idea what I'm talking about and wants planned topics. Is this an issue with other couples? Am I being too general in how I'm explaining it?


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Greenvalley said:


> He will just go on his phone or go to the bathroom on his phone. And when he comes back after 10-15 minutes he'll still be on his phone and still has no interaction with me.


Ok, someone is going to say it, so I will be first. He IS interacting with someone in the morning, just not you.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I had this issue with someone I had a relationship with. He liked and wanted interaction with his phone upon waking, he wasn't interested in interacting with me. That was just his personality.

Was your husband like this before you married (that is, if you two slept together before marriage)?


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Maybe he is just not a morning person and needs time after getting up before he is ready to interact? IDK, seems a little heavy to me t o expect a full dialogue/conversation as soon as he wakes up (and him knowing that you will wake up at the same time may only deter him even more)


----------



## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

My husband s not a morning person. He drinks coffee and usually watches the morning news, reads a newspaper, or reads emails for the first hour he is up. I'm a morning person. I pop out of bed and start my day. It would be great if we were the same, but we aren't. I give him an hour then engage. Easier for me to wait than for him to fight his grogginess. I can't even really grasp being groggy in the morning, I wake up like a light switch, from asleep to wide awake.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Tell him you want to snuggle in the morning before he gets on his phone. 

You're confusing him with the talking thing. He's imagining long debates on what color to paint the living room. You want some cuddle time and good morning, babe. 

Just say you need a few minutes cuddle time before he gets up, and as you're cuddling, you can murmur some nothings in his ear, and he'll get it. You might want to just start this yourself.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

norajane said:


> Tell him you want to snuggle in the morning before he gets on his phone.
> 
> You're confusing him with the talking thing. He's imagining long debates on what color to paint the living room. You want some cuddle time and good morning, babe.
> 
> Just say you need a few minutes cuddle time before he gets up, and as you're cuddling,* you can murmur some nothings in his ear*, and he'll get it. You might want to just start this yourself.


Ugggg ... please make sure you brush your teeth first ... no need to do battle with a dragon so early in the morning lol.


----------



## Greenvalley (Mar 24, 2016)

Thank you for your point! I think I'm not wording something properly because this is what he might say about expecting a full conversation. I don't expect that at all. And I don't know how to explain that. I just want the opportunity to talk about what either of us feels like talking about. Maybe nothing, maybe an interesting dream, maybe complaining one of us tired, maybe what one of us is excited about for the day, maybe a deep question that comes to mind, anything! But I'm not explaining it properly. Do you have any ideas on how I can explain that I'm not expecting a full conversation?


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Ugggg ... please make sure you brush your teeth first ... no need to *do battle with a dragon* so early in the morning lol.


I thought guys liked morning sex?


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

norajane said:


> I thought guys liked morning sex?


Morning wood sticks around for a while, plenty of time for everyone to take 2 minutes to brush their teeth (or have some breathe mints on the nightstand)


----------



## Greenvalley (Mar 24, 2016)

norajane said:


> Tell him you want to snuggle in the morning before he gets on his phone.
> 
> You're confusing him with the talking thing. He's imagining long debates on what color to paint the living room. You want some cuddle time and good morning, babe.
> 
> Just say you need a few minutes cuddle time before he gets up, and as you're cuddling, you can murmur some nothings in his ear, and he'll get it. You might want to just start this yourself.


Lol. I've talked about cuddling too... He's not sure what this means either. I've started cuddling and he's so unsure of what to do he'll just lie there, still not interacting. How does one explain cuddling?


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Greenvalley said:


> Thank you for your point! I think I'm not wording something properly because this is what he might say about expecting a full conversation. I don't expect that at all. And I don't know how to explain that. I just want the opportunity to talk about what either of us feels like talking about. Maybe nothing, maybe an interesting dream, maybe complaining one of us tired, maybe what one of us is excited about for the day, maybe a deep question that comes to mind, anything! But I'm not explaining it properly. Do you have any ideas on how I can explain that I'm not expecting a full conversation?


Is there a time when this sort of thing does happen? If so, you can point to that and say that's what you want.

For example, if the kind of snuggling and chatting you're talking about happens after sex, or during commercials while you're watching tv, tell him you just want a little of that kind of chatting to connect.

If that doesn't help, then again, just tell him not to worry about the talking, but to just give you 15 minutes of cuddling before he gets up. Then, when you are actually cuddling, say nothing or say something, but tell him you aren't expecting him to start some kind of conversation. The point is to connect as a couple for a few minutes before you start your day.


----------



## Greenvalley (Mar 24, 2016)

Livvie said:


> I had this issue with someone I had a relationship with. He liked and wanted interaction with his phone upon waking, he wasn't interested in interacting with me. That was just his personality.
> 
> Was your husband like this before you married (that is, if you two slept together before marriage)?


We did wait so I didn't pick up on this until after the honeymoon. So it's normal for some people to not look at or say anything to their spouse in the morning?


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Greenvalley said:


> Lol. I've talked about cuddling too... He's not sure what this means either. I've started cuddling and he's so unsure of what to do he'll just lie there, still not interacting. How does one explain cuddling?


Seriously? Do you never snuggle on the couch? Spoon in bed? Not even after sex?


----------



## Greenvalley (Mar 24, 2016)

I think telling him not to worry about talking might help. He is definitely overthinking mornings more than I expected. I just want things to be more natural in connecting with each other. 
And taking time to point when he does it is something I should more often. He definitely has interacted with me in the morning and I love those mornings but then other days it's like I'm not even there. Pointing them out at the time might work better. I've told him we've had those mornings but he doesn't remember.


----------



## Greenvalley (Mar 24, 2016)

norajane said:


> Greenvalley said:
> 
> 
> > Lol. I've talked about cuddling too... He's not sure what this means either. I've started cuddling and he's so unsure of what to do he'll just lie there, still not interacting. How does one explain cuddling?
> ...


Wow. I remember the first time I asked him to cuddle. It was so foreign to him. There are times when he naturally does it, absolutely. But when I ask for it or talk about it he gets so worked up thinking he doesn't know what cuddling is. Telling him at the exact time he's cuddling might help. I don't want him to overthink those times then though too...


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Yes, give him positive reinforcement when you're cuddling. "I love when we cuddle like this!" is all it would take, I think.

I'm suddenly feeling really bad for your husband, though, if he knows nothing of snuggling and cuddling. Sounds like he grew up in a house where affection was not a priority.


----------



## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

He takes his phone to the bathroom?
Can I ask why people do this? Just in general? Well Besides the obvious.

Maybe he hates mornings.
My husband is not a morning person...until he showers don't say a word to him.

Everyone is different and have different routines. 


Sent from my iPhone


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

citygirl4344 said:


> He takes his phone to the bathroom?
> Can I ask why people do this? Just in general? Well Besides the obvious.


Where else are you going to take d$ck pics 

I am usually on my phone as soon as I wake up in the morning, but that is because I have to monitor my work emails


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

citygirl4344 said:


> He takes his phone to the bathroom?
> Can I ask why people do this? Just in general? Well Besides the obvious.
> 
> Maybe he hates mornings.
> ...


Depends. Could be anything. Sure, it could be porn or cheating or whatever. If they waited until marriage I imagine he's got a pretty robust history with porn. And spouses who wait until marriage aren't known for being the most open minded about such matters, so sure, he could be hiding a porn habit.

But then it could be just as likely that he has a stressful job and he feels the need to check for client emails first thing in the morning. I know I'm like that. I'm a little OCD about the idea that there may be some kind of office trouble that's going to blindside me, so I always have to be connected to that information. I go on vacation and it takes several days before I can unplug.


----------



## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Where else are you going to take d$ck pics
> 
> 
> 
> I am usually on my phone as soon as I wake up in the morning, but that is because I have to monitor my work emails



Lol see that's all I could think of too.



Sent from my iPhone


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Greenvalley said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> > I had this issue with someone I had a relationship with. He liked and wanted interaction with his phone upon waking, he wasn't interested in interacting with me. That was just his personality.
> ...


Well, I don't know if it's "normal" or not. I sure didn't like it. Note that I HAD a relationship like this. Of course it wasn't the reason the relationship ended, it was just one part of the package that wasn't right for me.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I'm not a morning person first thing. I stumble out of bed, let the dog out, shuffle back to the bedroom, turning on indirect lights to get my brain awake. I don't want to talk, I don't have time to snuggle. I do grab my phone and check emails, etc. because it doesn't require interaction - it's one way. I'm willing to mutter a "good morning" or wake my daughter up, but I don't want conversation. I need the weather and news and a shower and then I can be cheerful. It's not personal.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I find this very odd that you have to explain to any man what *"cuddling"* is.. if he is making excuses for something this simple and easy to do, for 5 minutes in the am.... well.. I am not so sure what to say.. my goodness!! That is beyond playing dumb.

So you both waited for sex.. and he is acting like this.. May I ask....how IS the sex life.. are you enjoying it.. I am wondering if there are problems here?? 

My initial thoughts are...maybe he is not wanting to get frisky with you, if you have turned him down too many times.. could be that he IS up to something on that phone early in the am.. men are generally raring to go ...mornings there Time for a release...are you aware of his masturbating habits??


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Yeah, I'm curious how the sex life is...

What do you wear to bed? My girl wears nothing if the kids aren't around. How can you say no to cuddling with a hot woman with no clothes on, who starts rubbing various body parts?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I think that perhaps a short "heart-to-heart" talk with him will be all that is required!

It's completely human to both give and receive affirmation first thing in the morning! You are no different!

When I was married, it was one of the highlights of my day, to roll over in bed and look deeply into their face and share with them how good it was to wake up beside them and how beautiful she was!

Truth be told, I still miss that to this very day!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

norajane said:


> I thought guys liked morning sex?


Surprise morning sex it great! Unless your are in prison. :|


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Greenvalley said:


> Thank you for your point! I think I'm not wording something properly because this is what he might say about expecting a full conversation. I don't expect that at all. And I don't know how to explain that. I just want the opportunity to talk about what either of us feels like talking about. Maybe nothing, maybe an interesting dream, maybe complaining one of us tired, maybe what one of us is excited about for the day, maybe a deep question that comes to mind, anything! But I'm not explaining it properly. Do you have any ideas on how I can explain that I'm not expecting a full conversation?


Ugh, I am SOOO not a morning person and this would annoy the ever lovin crap out of me.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Depends. Could be anything. Sure, it could be porn or cheating or whatever. If they waited until marriage I imagine he's got a pretty robust history with porn. And spouses who wait until marriage aren't known for being the most open minded about such matters, so sure, he could be hiding a porn habit.
> 
> *But then it could be just as likely that he has a stressful job and he feels the need to check for client emails first thing in the morning. I know I'm like that. I'm a little OCD about the idea that there may be some kind of office trouble that's going to blindside me, so I always have to be connected to that information. I go on vacation and it takes several days before I can unplug*.


Mr H is like this, high stress job with constant emails and meeting invites coming through his phone 24/7. We are at the bottom end of the world and his colleagues are all over the world, he can have voice meetings at 11pm or 5am.
He is a very affectionate man that does enjoy morning cuddles and sex at times so what we tend to do is that he leaves his phone in the lounge and use my phone for our alarm, I always set mine 10 or more mins early as I hate getting up as soon as the alarm goes off, this gives us our cuddle time.

OP you case is why it can be so important to live with someone before marriage and really get to know them. He doesn't sounds like an affectionate, cuddly type of guy which is fine in itself except it is not what you want. He may well learn to give you more of what you want but it is on you to also give him what he wants which seems to be space.

Does your husband have a stressful job OP?


----------



## Greenvalley (Mar 24, 2016)

He does seem to need to be taught affection, cuddling, kissing, etc. He was married for 13 years before we married so I have the most difficult time understanding how he doesn't know this part of a relationship. I suppose he needs to explore why this hard for him. He is aware but he doesn't know why and he's depending on me to figure it out and tell him what to do too much. Could a counselor help him explore this?

(I also know he is checking emails, news, etc on his phone. What he's doing on his phone isn't an issue but connecting in the morning is)


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Yes, a counselor could help him explore why affection is hard for him, absolutely.

Why did his 13 year marriage end?


----------



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

There are many possibilities here. It sounds like it could be a bit of phone addiction. Can the bedroom be a phone free zone? 

Imagine there's no cell phones....it's easy if you try....imagine all the people....talking face to face...... 
You may think I'm a dreamer....but I'm not the only one..... lol sorry.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Maybe in his past marriage he was very affectionate and got burned, so this is his defense mechanism now ...

However, I still don't want to lose sight of the fact that maybe he is just not a morning person and that is perfectly fine.


----------

