# 7 Months since D-day and even harder now



## Angelvamp64 (Dec 10, 2012)

I don't have time to write all that has happened in terms of TT, finding more out about what he did etc, but me and WS joined this site sometime early January I think. The short of the story is he cheated on me 9 times he admits with prostitutes. At first he didn't accept the fact that he was a sex addict, but after a few days of first hearing it, he embraced it and an online recovery program. That only lasted a few weeks and he was just half ass delving into the whole recovery process, not cheating, but still lying and has been as late as of last week, about all he did with the hookers. He is in counseling with a SA specialist and joined a 12 step SA group, but he has still been lying and minimizing what he did with them and other details concerning the infidelity two years ago.

He is doing a of things right, transparent with receipts, time, I have all access to his laptop, phone etc and he has found and accepted God for the first time in his life. I am having the biggest problem with the reality of what he did, but mostly the lying. He has known since day one what TT does and has still done it and I am 99% sure I still don't know half of what he has done. He is willing to take a poly but we don't have the money right now.

I am on the roller coaster and know its partly due to the fact that I never get a chance to even begin to heal because of the new lies and new info cropping up every few weeks. 
I also am really struggling with how to keep my self respect and stay with someone who would betray and cheat and lie to me like this. He thinks we can make it through this and never wants to stop trying, but my heart just isn't in it most days. Thanks for reading if you got to the end.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

I think you are trying to hard to hang onto him. Try letting go of him. Do the 180 and cut him off until you get a confession you are satisfied with. If the confession never comes, then you have the answer you needed.


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## Angelvamp64 (Dec 10, 2012)

Interesting thought there. I feel like just the opposite, like I am really pulling away and distancing myself more and more each day.
I am the one that always talks about quitting and have kicked him out 3 different times. Yes, I took him back, but it's always me that wonders if I can and even want, to do this anymore. 
I know SA have problems being honest, even more so than other cheaters, but this has been nothing short of hell, the pain, the anger, the madness of being lied to over and over all because he knows if I know every little thing I will be gone. He always says he hasn't told me all of the details because not only did he not want to hurt me, but he was too ashamed and of course it's all bull**** to me. He stays frustrated with me because I don't believe a word he says and he knows it's his own fault, but where does that leave me? I am so tired of all of it and so confused, one day I think I want to stay and see if I can ever move forward, but most days I know I won't ever be able to move past all of the betrayal.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Angelvamp64 said:


> Interesting thought there. I feel like just the opposite, like I am really pulling away and distancing myself more and more each day.
> I am the one that always talks about quitting and have kicked him out 3 different times. Yes, I took him back, but it's always me that wonders if I can and even want, to do this anymore.
> I know SA have problems being honest, even more so than other cheaters, but this has been nothing short of hell, the pain, the anger, the madness of being lied to over and over all because he knows if I know every little thing I will be gone. He always says he hasn't told me all of the details because not only did he not want to hurt me, but he was too ashamed and of course it's all bull**** to me. He stays frustrated with me because I don't believe a word he says and he knows it's his own fault, but where does that leave me? I am so tired of all of it and so confused, one day I think I want to stay and see if I can ever move forward, but most days I know I won't ever be able to move past all of the betrayal.


You're showing that inner struggle in your post here. Stop fighting. Just start doing what would actually make you happy, and see if he step up to the plate, or lets you go.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Angelvamp64 said:


> Interesting thought there. I feel like just the opposite, like I am really pulling away and distancing myself more and more each day.
> I am the one that always talks about quitting and have kicked him out 3 different times. Yes, I took him back, but it's always me that wonders if I can and even want, to do this anymore.
> I know SA have problems being honest, even more so than other cheaters, but this has been nothing short of hell, the pain, the anger, the madness of being lied to over and over all because he knows if I know every little thing I will be gone. He always says he hasn't told me all of the details because not only did he not want to hurt me, but he was too ashamed and of course it's all bull**** to me. He stays frustrated with me because I don't believe a word he says and he knows it's his own fault, but where does that leave me? I am so tired of all of it and so confused, one day I think I want to stay and see if I can ever move forward, but most days I know I won't ever be able to move past all of the betrayal.


If you really feel that way, then you need to move on. Get him out of your life. There is no law that says you have to reconcile if you are feeling this kind of pain. Others might say that this pain is normal and to be expected. They will say that you can move past it. I say that you don't have to, especially if you don't feel it in your heart. There is nothing wrong with having him leave and filing for divorce if that is what is going to ease your pain. Right now this is all about you. Do what your heart says is right for you.

Edit: I don't believe in Sex Addicts. To me it's just another excuse.


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## Angelvamp64 (Dec 10, 2012)

I do believe in SA because I have lived with it for 20 years, just didn't know it had a name. This isn't my first time in my marriage that he has done unfaithful things. When we were living together, he called 900 numbers, quit that, then did the whole cyber thing for 3 years when we got our first computer and he has been addicted to porn the entire time, I just didn't realize how bad it was. The porn escalated which led to him being with the hookers.
I have read pretty much every book on the subject and while some people probably do use it as an excuse, like celebrities, there is a psychological reason behind it just like a food or gambling addiction. I am not saying all of this to excuse what he has done because it doesn't matter to me, a cheater is a cheater, but I do think SA exists and he fits it to a T.
I am in limbo and I feel rushed to make a decision one way or the other and that makes me mad. I should feel like I have the time to decide what is best for me. I am giving it a full year to see if I can move past this or not and he knows this, so I guess time will tell.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

I got that I still feel I don't know the haft of it and the I don't remember drives me crazy


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## patelaaw (Jul 8, 2013)

you are satisfied with. If the confession never comes, then you have the answer you needed.


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