# Dealing with the In-Laws....how?!?!



## NotSoSureYet

Well, My H and I are trying to reconcile. After being separated for about 4 months. We are taking it slow, talking a lot, and trying to get back to a better place with each other. Well, a little info: I decided to leave back in July because I was beginning to get really hateful towards my H and I knew he wouldn't budge from the house. 
Well, I have a lot of issues w/ my mother in law. Seems like a great lady, unless you cross her in any way. She is a VERY religious woman. And I already know (because I heard her say it) that I am the Devil and I will go to Hell for wanting to D her son. Anyway, she turned my H's brother and sister against me-which I have come to terms with. HE is their brother, their blood. I am as ok with that as I can be. Well, they all know that we are trying to work US out. I was told by my H yesterday that his B&S feel like I need to apologize for my actions and for the way I handled me & my H's situation. 
(a little insight, they are both adults that still live at home and have never been in any kind of a long term relationship). 

How should we deal with the stress of his family being the pokers and pryers that they are. MIL is a total Gossip Queen too. So, everyone knows EVERYTHING about my H & I's relationship woes.


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## Blanca

My MIL is also extremely religious and thinks I'm going to hell, and taking my H with me. MIL hates me for numerous other reasons, too, which she proudly shares with my H. My BIL hates me also. she's really going to freak out when she finds out we're not raising out kids in her religion. 

my mom is also very religious and told my H, behind my back, that he was sending me to hell. My H told me about it and i told her that if she ever says that to him again then she wont see me again. She's never done it again.

I delt with my in-laws by ignoring them. at first i thought i had to force my H to stand up to them and i got really involved but that only made things worse. i thought it should be as simple as when i told my mom to knock it off, but it really wasnt that simple. I dont deal with them anymore and it's made things much more pleasant between my H and I.


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## Freak On a Leash

My .02 is that your husband needs to take charge and fix what needs fixing with his family. There's nothing you can do except avoid them like the plague, which is exactly what I'd do. If you husband won't protect and stand up to them for you then you need to evaluate things because IMO that says something significant. 

But don't get involved with them. Treat like cr#ap you've stepped in: Scrap 'em off your shoe and keep walking.


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## faithaqua

Not that reconciliation talks have even come up, but my husband and I are 'dating' I guess---weird. His mother still has a VERY strong pull on him. On the one hand, she doesn't want us divorced (so he tells me) but then she also likes having her son back under her wing and her wing alone. Twisted. I have a son and I promise that once he marries, I'm out--did my job. My mom has 5 children-4 boys-and she knows that their wives supercede her on all counts and in turn, my brother's wives are all close with my mom. She take the terms son/daughter-in-law seriously and is sure to get both sides of the story (if advice is asked of her--guess that's the power that the mom gets as the elder). BUT, his mother??? I don't even know how to deal with the strong and very negative emotions I have toward her. If reconciliation does come onto the table of discussion, I believe I am going to stay far, far away. He continually gives me lines of 'family is important' and I gently remind him that I am his family too. It's almost like brainwashing--strange. I got swept into it and believed their facade of love and welcome but all I see is blood is thicker than water. Be careful, take care of you, and make HIM your family--he can be connected but you don't have to be. The rules/boundaries were already blurred when the separation occurred, make it your own, make it what works for you TWO.


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## myelw316

faithaqua ... your statement :On the one hand, she doesn't want us divorced (so he tells me) but then she also likes having her son back under her wing and her wing alone.
That is MY situation eXACTLY!! My H moved in during our almost 3 month separation and when he moved back home a few days ago, his mom was NOT too happy. She thought he should go back there and we should 'date'. I think she liked his company. We have 4 kids together: 2 yrs old, 10 yrs old, 14 and 16! They need him here!! She is concerned about me 'hurting' him. I was overly critical. I worked on that and have changed it, but she won't see it. She can't, because she doesn't live with me. Very hard to deal with her negative input to him!


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## faithaqua

myelw316---how is your reconcilation going? M-I-L more accepting? My husband and I are still 'dating' he says he won't go the 'emotional' route--no 'i love yous' or such---it's weird, but I have to say it's nice that it's just us, no input from anyone. He thinks I'm going to get tired of this and just walk away---perhaps he's right. I'm just staying in one day at a time. btw, I work with his mother so I get the pleasure of being treated as if I never existed every dang day---lovely. Hope things are improving for you.


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## AnewBeginning

I have the same issue. H and I are trying to work things out and MIL is just horrible. She loves the fact that she has to be there for his every move and wants to be his only woman in his life. No one will ever be good enough in her eyes. If you find something that works let me know! I am still in the process. For now I am staying away from them and if they come around we don't speak. She said horrible...horrible things about me when we seperated and she is n't going to get my fogiveness like that. I have a lot of hateful feelings towards her right now, so I am just going to keep my distance. I hope that your H will have your back and try to smooth things over, or just stay away from MIL!


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## InnLimbo

OMG its like i wrote this post! lol 
I just started not to care ( i know easier said then done)
but you have to look at who the comments are coming from. 
For me it is more my brother and sisters who feel they know the world and how to make everything work. One of them has cheated in almost every relationship she has been in and the other 2 have not ever had a serious reationship. 

My in laws want to know and control everything so much so that if my husband and I get back together we have decided for the good of our marrige we need to move a little bit farther away from boths sides of the family.

My mother told me that she had a blow out with my fathers mother and it was the best thing that ever happend. she said that my grandmother respected her more for standing her ground and not letting her take control. 

maybe talk to her.


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## Unrequited

The second time my husband was divorcing me, out of desperation I emailed my MIL to inform her that her son was breaking our marriage for no reason.

She replied with "I can't help you. I have to put all of my focus on Jesus."

Yeah, when we got back together it became super awkward. I don't even talk to her anymore. She's an overzealous religious wacko and has always hated me anyway. Don't care anymore. Good luck with yours.


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