# Wife or Daughter ?



## timecapsule (Aug 22, 2015)

I have a daughter from my previous marriage.

My current wife does not want anything to do with my daughter, she never saw her, or wants me to talk to her.

I am unhappy, feel like I am walking on egg shells. I have to hide my relationship with my daughter, she says if i talk to her, its the same as she talking to her ex boyfriends :frown2:

What is next Divorce ? and move on ?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Why does your wife seem to dislike your daughter so much?

And as far as you talking to your daughter being the same as her talking to ex-boyfriends... is she nuts?!?

Is there anything more to this story that you've left out? I ask because this makes no sense at all.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Yes and yes.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Your first, primary and last obligation is to your daughter. ANY woman who tries to come between a man and his child is not worth being a wife. Period.

My wife's uncle pretty much cut off all contact with his oldest daughter for the same reason--his new wife didn't like her. He has a grandchild he's never met, and the entire family has cut HIM off as a result. Him and his wife are both creeps.


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## timecapsule (Aug 22, 2015)

She does not like children, she hates them. and she is extremely jealous. She gets jealous even if i go to lunch with co worker a male.

I love my wife and do not want to hurt her, I would like to give some time to her and throw this topic again.

She threw a fit last time we had argument about this.

Divorce is easy, but I wanted to make sure, If i was wrong in thinking about divorce. I am a Christian so Divorce is the last thing.

I also feel, that If i get divorced, two divorces look bad on me. I guess if it happens be single 





GusPolinski said:


> Why does your wife seem to dislike your daughter so much?
> 
> And as far as you talking to your daughter being the same as her talking to ex-boyfriends... is she nuts?!?
> 
> Is there anything more to this story that you've left out? I ask because this makes no sense at all.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

timecapsule said:


> She does not like children, she hates them. and she is extremely jealous. She gets jealous even if i go to lunch with co worker a male.
> 
> I love my wife and do not want to hurt her, I would like to give some time to her and throw this topic again.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you shouldn't have married her in the first place.


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## timecapsule (Aug 22, 2015)

This things did not show up, till after marriage. Well I blame myself. 




GusPolinski said:


> Sounds like you shouldn't have married her in the first place.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

First, Divorce is not easy. It's hard and it's painful. But sometimes it's necessary. 

Second, your faith does not condone abandoning your own child. 

But to play devil's advocate, let's rule out some thing. Is your child under the age of 18? If so the answer is simple (though not easy.) You leave your wife and dedicate your energy to your daughter. 

If she's older than 18, was there some incident that made your wife dislike your daughter? If so, tell us. Only then can we offer appropriate advice.


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## timecapsule (Aug 22, 2015)

She is under 18.

The thought of Divorce brings pain in my heart ((. 

My wife met my daughter only once. She says she has nothing against my daughter, it's the fact that she reminds her of my past 

She has Jealousy backwards in time. She plays it in her head that i wish i was single and married only her.





BlueWoman said:


> First, Divorce is not easy. It's hard and it's painful. But sometimes it's necessary.
> 
> Second, your faith does not condone abandoning your own child.
> 
> ...


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## Missy_ki (Aug 24, 2012)

She needs counselling. You gotta have to talk to her and somehow get the message across to her that you cannot choose between your daughter and her, and what she's doing is ruining and sabotaging the relationship. The thing though, is that this can be changed. Her patterns of jealousy and her behaviour can be changed through counselling. I wouldn't call it off so early, if i were you. Divorce should be last resort, and it shouldn't be thrown around so easily. You can do things to help with this, namely, seeing a counsellor together. If she respects you and your relationship, she would seek help herself. I hope this goes well for you


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Google "Retroactive Jealousy". Your wife is suffering from this. She needs a shrink and medication. And you likely need a divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Missy_ki said:


> She needs counselling. You gotta have to talk to her and somehow get the message across to her that you cannot choose between your daughter and her,


Actually he can choose. And it should be his daughter. That really what you need to say to your wife. "If you make me choose, I will choose my daughter."

And of course divorce hurts. But there are some things that just shouldn't be accepted. You are facing one now!


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## Missy_ki (Aug 24, 2012)

BlueWoman said:


> And of course divorce hurts. But there are some things that just shouldn't be accepted. You are facing one now!


I agree that her behavior isn't acceptable, but i also think that she could be suffering some form of mental disorder, which makes her act that way, and her insecurities just makes it worse.

I would advise that the couple should at least try and work on the issues, get counselling, before thinking of divorce


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

First come the children. Everything else is a distant second.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

It astounds me that you would even have to decide between your new wife and your daughter, yup married a selfish individual....I would like to call her something else but let's go with that.....foremost before everything else, before your personal happiness is your role as a father, if you are not willing to put your daughter interest and wellbeing before yourself and the woman you married then shame on you....you should not call yourself a father.....this should be a no brainer.....you tell that your wife that there is no compromise you will have an active role in your daughter up bringing or she can pound sand. It's time to put your big boy pants on...


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

When your wife married you she knew you were divorced correct? She knew you had a daughter correct? So you are saying previous to getting married your wife never showed any jealousy toward your daughter or you never saw any jealousy in her when you talked about your past? I find that hard to believe, the signs are usually there when dealing with hyper jealous people.

So OK, let's say she was a great actress and it all got past you, short answer to your wife. No f**king way am I cutting my daughter out of my life! I may love you right this second but you got two minutes to screw your head on right before I write YOU out of my life.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Why are you so afraid of your wife?


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

How is it that this is even a question? Damn, what is wrong with you? Of COURSE your child comes first. 

Tell her how it is. If she does not like it, she can hit the road.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Honestly you shouldn't have to come to this forum or any other for the answer. I can't believe that you would even ask such a stupid question. 

You brought a child into this world. She didn't ask to be born. The same blood that runs through your veins runs through hers and just because you married some twisted soul doesn't mean that you can't undo it.

Tell your wife to eat your shorts and get her pathetic ass out of there. Then go get your daughter, give her a hug and a kiss and let her know that you love her.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Missy_ki said:


> I agree that her behavior isn't acceptable, but i also think that she could be suffering some form of mental disorder, which makes her act that way, and her insecurities just makes it worse.
> 
> I would advise that the couple should at least try and work on the issues, get counselling, before thinking of divorce


If there weren't a child involved I might agree with you. But since there is a child, you don't mess around.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

My sister-in-law is like your wife. My brother married this old maid in her 40's. She was never married and I see a reason and that is mental disorder. My brother and his only son were estranged and after so many years, my nephew became a father. My brother tried to establish a relationship, but it is too late. Father and son hardly know each other.

My sister-in-law also tried to isolate my brother from my parents and his siblings. I'm the only one talking to my brother. I hate this shrew and told my brother so. He stayed married to her because he did not want to lose half of his military pension to her. He is unhappy with her and has cheated on her many times in the past. I don't condone his cheating. This woman is just simply miserable.

I hope that you wake up and will not alienate your own daughter. You will regret it in the end, just like my brother. Get rid of this mental case of a shrew. She will not get any better. You will be miserable in the end and she will alienate you from everyone who you love.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

You say you weren't aware of her hatred of children and your daughter until after you married her, but she has only met your daughter once? Why on earth would you marry someone who only met your daughter one time? You'd think that it would be important to you that they have a good relationship with your child before you marry them. 

Stop making excuses for being a crap father and a really bad judge of character, man up and do the right thing by the child you brought into this world. Tell your crazy new wife to get in line or get the F out.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You can't fix this woman. There's something seriously wrong with her. However, if you want to be the sort of man who'll dump his child to keep a nut case happy, then that's on you.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Oh. My. God.

Surely you can't be serious? How is there even a choice here???

You should never have married this crazy b!tch. No one with children should marry anyone who doesn't love their child as their own. I speak from experience here - I'm stepmum to my husbands beautiful daughter, and god help anyone who ever hurts her...it'll be the last thing they ever do.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long did you date your wife before you married her?

How long have you been married to her?

Why is it that she has only met your daughter one time?

How often do you see your daughter?

You say that she does not want you to see your daughter. She also gets jealous if you go to lunch with some guy from your work. Her jealousy is not just about the fact that you were married before. She's trying to cut you off from everyone. This is what abusive people do. They cause so much discord that their spouse ends up breaking off contact with everyone else. Then, once you have no outside support, the real abuse starts.

you need to divorce this woman. Forget counseling. She's going to make your life more miserable than you every imagined.


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Those who cannot accept a prospective partner's children should not marry a parent. It is that simple. 

Your wife is mentally ill and very childish. Frankly, I don't know why you even need to ask who should come first! 
I don't even _have _children and I know that choosing a spouse over one's children is a horribly damaging mistake. 
How you would feel if your daughter wanted nothing to do with you ever again because of your wife? 

I don't think any pastor would blame you for walking away from such a manipulative woman.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Greatly provided that his daughter is an OK girl, is friendly and has good morals and has not committed any egregious act against his W, then it would be his W's fault!

Now if it were anything remotely comparable to my RSXW's kids(my step kids) who all were high school dropouts, foul-mouthed to the point that they would make a veteran sailor blush, mooched and stole money from Mama's purse, as well as stole household items to pawn for drug money, were all pot and meth heads and all covered in tattoos from head to toe, ran with thugs and goths, and who all had been arrested, tried and convicted of possession with intent to distribute by the county court, one actually having served time ~ all while my own two sons were honor roll students who did not associate with their ilk ~ well, let's just say that if this man's daughter was anything remotely like these louts of my RSXW were, then I could not blame his W for feeling the way she does in the least!

I still dislike her kids to this very day and I'm quite sure that the feeling is mutual!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I wonder how it's even possible to love someone like this, someone who dares to come in between a parent and their child for the sake of what? Jealousy? 

I was abandoned on the streets in my early teens when my mum's boyfriend didn't want me around anymore, so this is a very personal issue for me.

Why the hell did you marry someone who only met your daughter once? Sorry mate, but you got yourself into this situation.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Your decision should be easy. I'm guessing your daughter would hope you feel the same. But it's not.

Do not ever show your daughter this thread.

Signed,

The guy who was your daughter in a different life.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

There is something seriously wrong with your wife. I have a lot of trouble trying to understand how you were blind-sided by this after the marriage! How long did you date this terrible woman?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

How old is your daughter, how often do you see her, and why has your wife only met her once?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> timecapsule said:
> 
> 
> > She does not like children, she hates them. and she is extremely jealous. She gets jealous even if i go to lunch with co worker a male.
> ...


Yup

Without further inside details , one cant really comment .

If a man rejects my son , he's not going to be my man .

Even if my son is wayward , i may end up being obligated to my son . Hard to be happy with my man when my son is not within the family .


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

If you have to hide your relationship with your own daughter, then in her mind you have already chosen. She probably feels second rate to your new wife - and she is because you are staying with this woman.

You very well could be damaging your relationship with your daughter that could affect her for the rest of her life.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

In a second marriage, it seems like a large part of the criteria for a compatible partner is that new partner has established a healthy, close relationship with your children. It was definitely one of my main objectives before I got married the 2nd time.

I can't imagine marrying someone who had only met my child once.

Is there a reason why you took this path and didn't verify before you married her?


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