# Looking for some input



## Coping (Mar 19, 2008)

I am the one trying to come to terms with his infidelity. I have gone to my first therapy session and the second one is coming up this weekend.

I would like to know what your opinons or comments are on the following:

Should I be seeing a male therapist or a female therapist? Does it make a difference either way?
If so, why and how?

Thank you.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

The most important thing is that you are comfortable talking open with him/her. Personally, I would have trouble doing that with a man, so I saw a woman because it was easier for me to open up with her and felt she understood me as a woman. But I think either can be effective, just personal preference on my part.


----------



## Coping (Mar 19, 2008)

Thank you for your response.

The therapist that I saw is a man. I did not have a problem opening up to him, I was fine expressing exactly what was on my mind.

My thing is just like you said "you felt that she understood you as a woman". 

I guess the reason for my questioning it is because something was said in there that day and the therapist replied with something to the effect (I can not recall his exact words) "that's the way men think" or "men don't think that way". It was one of the two and it just made me wonder if it was a "professional" comment or a "we men stick together" comment.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

That's a valid point you make. In my first meeting mine made a comment like "Well, we know how men are" and I was taken aback as it wasn't meant to be a stereotype or generalization. She could tell by the look on my face that I was surprised at the comment and going forward didn't do that again, but they are all human too I guess and will have their own opinions, man or woman.


----------



## Coping (Mar 19, 2008)

So, in your opinion, do you think that I should let the comment go or look into seeing a female?


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

In my opinion, I would let it go based on that comment alone. I do think there are some basic differences between the way men and women think but if it makes you uncomfortable, keep looking or if it happens again, ask him to explain what he meant so you know for sure if it's on the up and up in your mind.


----------



## Liza (Jan 2, 2008)

Personally it wouldn't really matter whether it's male or female to me. Just focus on getting over the problem, a male is able to give you insight on how males think.


----------



## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

I wondered about this too. I saw a female and me being male felt uncomfortable. Sucks how being on the receiving end and we and up with a shrink!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Ask if they have read "not just friends".


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Nah, it's your money. Don't like the therapist. Find a new one. Really that simple. Although his comment of "how men don't think that way". He's more likely than not telling you the truth. Men and women think differently. Their brain chemistry is different. Just science. 

But Like I said, your dollar. Your rules. 

A little context would help. What was the topic of the convo at that moment of "don't think that way"?


----------



## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Coping said:


> I guess the reason for my questioning it is because something was said in there that day and the therapist replied with something to the effect (I can not recall his exact words) "that's the way men think" or "men don't think that way". It was one of the two and it just made me wonder if it was a "professional" comment or a "we men stick together" comment.



My wife, who had an affair, has a few friends that have had infidelity in their marriage. However, it each case, it was the husband having the affair and she tries to compare the situation. I tell her its not the same. Men and women are different. A wifes betrayal, and especially the sex part, are different to a man.

Men and women are different. I dont see anything wrong with what he said.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Zombie thread from 2008


----------



## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Coping said:


> I am the one trying to come to terms with his infidelity. I have gone to my first therapy session and the second one is coming up this weekend.
> 
> I would like to know what your opinons or comments are on the following:
> 
> ...


Whatever makes YOU the most comfortable.

Most important, is finding someone who's qualified and 
has experience with spousal infidelity.

There are far too many hacks out there who will take
your money and just let you talk for an hour, without really
giving you the proper tools to help heal yourself.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)




----------



## dragonfly5 (Dec 31, 2013)

Found out about husband's 2nd affair on Xmas night. Tonight he had the nerve to tell me that he was hurting more than me. He didn't know her that long and seemed to have no problem breaking it off. It was an internet thing and they'd only gotten together once. His justification is he's dealing with a long term hurt and mine is shorter only with residual effects. Need some real thoughts on that other than he's full of ****.


----------



## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

dragonfly5 said:


> Found out about husband's 2nd affair on Xmas night. Tonight he had the nerve to tell me that he was hurting more than me. He didn't know her that long and seemed to have no problem breaking it off. It was an internet thing and they'd only gotten together once. His justification is he's dealing with a long term hurt and mine is shorter only with residual effects. Need some real thoughts on that other than he's full of ****.


Create a new thread and share your story dragonfly. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I have never heard of a wayward insulting a spouse in that way, but unfortunately I recently found myself here too.


----------

