# Am I "normal" or "messed up"



## Natalie789 (Aug 24, 2013)

I am in a heterosexual relationship, but I have been attracted to and sexually fantasized about women in the past. I even had a sexual experience with another woman about 7 years ago (way before I even met my husband), but I haven't pursued anything else like that since.

I know that I am not a lesbian because I am strongly attracted to men. I don't think I'm bisexual either because I have no desire to date or be in an intimate relationship with a woman, or have sex with one again in real life. I DEFINITELY don't want to have a 3-some with my husband.

My husband has always been bothered by this, to the point where he gets mean. Anytime he hears a story on the radio or something about someone realizing they were gay one day and leaving their husband or wife, he gets on me for being a "f---ed up d-ke" and tells me how he will never have children with me. He can get really nasty and he makes me feel like a bad person. And I never know when it's coming.

The thing is, I was honest about my fantasies and experiences from the get-go. I told him about it a couple of months into our relationship. If it bothers him so much, why did he commit to me?

I believe these feelings stem from me being sexually abused for years as a child. He says to "stop using that as an excuse" for my problems. He says he knew someone abused as a child and she didn't act like that.

I really want to go to therapy for this and other issues, but my husband gets really upset at the idea. He says that it's pathetic to pay someone else to talk to me and help me with my problems because I should be able to help myself.

I just don't know how "normal" these feelings are, or if I am messed up like my husband says.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Pardon my frankness, but your hubs is a d0uchebag, who knows nothing about human sexuality!

It's perfectly normal for heterosexuals to have fantasies and experiences with same sex partners. Sexuality is a broad continuum and the bell curve actually covers a LOT of kink.

Therapy would be a very good thing for any CSA survivor. Do it for yourself, not for him or don't let him prevent you from healing.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Your husband is being particularly cruel. While he could express concerns there are kinder ways of doing so.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

Your husband has some serious insecurities.

I am a former abuse victim that kept it a secret from everybody (including myself for a while). 26 years later, I still have some lingering issues. Everybody deals with the trauma differently. My experience has ruined receiving bj's and the possibility of anal. The thought of having anal sex with my wife makes me ready to vomit. 

While I do not have fantasies about men, it is natural to fantasize about somebody other than your spouse. 

Again, he must have some deep-seated insecurities. Do you want to be with someone who is not completely open and honest?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Frankly, your husband is an ignorant idiot. He is the one who needs counselling more than you, but of course he will think he has no problems, or none he can't deal with himself.

His reaction seems emotionally abusive. Are you sure you want to put up with his disrespect?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You sound exceedingly normal to me. Your husband, however, sounds like a frakking a$$hole.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Your husband sounds 'messed up'.


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