# I told him I want to separate



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Well, I told him. I typed him a 6 page letter and told him in their that I want to separate. We can't go on living like this together. All the advice I have received tells me that I need to sit him down and tell him everything, but sitting down and talking doesn't work with us. He cries and clams up, or just yells. I then become angry and yell as well. So I typed a letter and just put everything I was thinking and feeling into that letter. He read it last night and then disappeared for 2 hours. And he wouldn't talk this morning. Then when I got him to talk, he just cried and cried. I don't know why this should come as a surprise to him. We've been married 9 months and he's been sleeping in another room full time since Christmas. Before that, he rarely came to bed. It's not that he's not a nice guy or a caring guy, he is. But, he just doesn't seem to "get it". It's like everything else in his life (his relationship with his kids, his mom, etc.) He seems to think that if he ignores it, it will go away. Or at least not hurt as much. I told him things that I have discovered since being married that have affected the way I think of him. And our sex life is dead. Has been dead since we married. I explained to him what I was missing with sex. I explained to him that I thought sex wouldn't matter, but it does. We were friends, and I thought the sex would come, but it hasn't. It was for a while, but it was never really great, and then it died altogether because he doesn't have any confidence in himself as a man. I just couldn't live this way anymore and I need my own space and need time to see if he is what I really want. His tears make me feel bad, but I can't let that sway what I've decided at this point. I've got to get out. I can't just live like this anymore. I don't love him anymore and I feel trapped in our house living in my bedroom all the time. 

I told him that him not talking to his kids is a huge factor. It seemed like he quit being their dad as soon as we married. It seems that he got his feelings hurt because they were mad at him, and so he just quit. I say it seems because I really don't know what is going on between them because he won't talk to me. I am his wife, but he has never let me in. I told him it just from my point of view and that I can't know what is going on unless he lets me in. This morning, he tried to tell me that he calls them 2 times a week (but they won't answer) and texts them 2 times a week (and they don't respond). That is mostly a lie as far as I know because I have checked his phone (I know I should've respected his privacy, but I guess I didn't) and he sent his son 1 text over a month ago. He has not had contact since Christmas when he drove up and spent a couple of hours with them. Before that, it was 6 months. He didn't contact them for 6 months after our wedding. This morning, he tried to put the blame on me. Long story short, his mom is a b****, who defends his ex. He has a terrible relationship with his mom. She started emailing me a week before the wedding, bashing me, and saying stupid stuff. She hardly even knew me. I finally lost it because he wasn't defending me, and responded to his mom's emails. Needless to say, his mom then shared those emails with his ex and now he blames me for his kids not talking to him because of those emails.

Anyway, I don't know what I am supposed to do now. Rentals in my small town are few and far between. I don't have family here. My best friend is a guy. I want to buy a house. I know I shouldn't quit, but I don't know if I will ever feel like going back.

I just need some space. Thanks for reading if you're still reading at this point. It feels good to vent.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Have you posted a different thread about this? I don't know your story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ku1980rose said:


> I told him things that I have discovered since being married that have affected the way I think of him.


Please elaborate.

In your other post in another thread you said how you do not desire sex with him at all, that he's not exciting and unintelligent. 

Why does his mother hate you so much? Has she ever said? 

Was he divorced when you hooked up with him? Did he leave his ex and children to be with you? Please explain.

How old are his children?

Also, you mention here randomly that your best friend is a guy. I don't understand the relevance about that re: your story. Is he going to rent you a property of his?

You are only 9 months into a marriage and if you have this many problems, it doesn't look good from the outside looking in.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Thanks for the responses! I typed my post this morning with lots of things going on in my head! I have posted before. I'll try to link to one of those threads if I can find it and elaborate further on my details.


Jellybeans said:


> Please elaborate.
> 
> In your other post in another thread you said how you do not desire sex with him at all, that he's not exciting and unintelligent.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

How do I link to a previous thread that has more of my history??

To answer a few questions: I don't know why his mom hates me. He doesn't have a good relationship with her ever since she left his dad. She was also abusive when he was a child. I had only met her twice for less than an hour each time before the wedding. I sent her an email about wedding stuff because he wanted to involve her. She was nice, and then a week before the wedding she started saying terrible things to me, telling me I would ruin her son's life. Then she shows to the wedding but won't speak to anyone but her son. At this point, he is not talking to her at all because of all of it. At the beginning though I had to fight by myself. He would not stand up to her because he was afraid of her.

The comment about my best friend being a guy didn't make sense because i got interrupted while typing and forgot what I was saying! haha! I meant that I couldn't move in with my best friend, because it would look bad and my H wouldn't like it with him being a guy. Does that clarify?

I want to link back to another thread, but not sure how to do. If anyone can send me instructions, that would be great. One thread I remember where I wrote a lot a few months ago was

"never thought I'd consider divorce LONG"

We had it out again last night and this morning. Thought we talked some last night and then he was pissy this morning and we ended up in a big fight again. But all he does is cry, cry, cry. He says he has always been that emotional, but I didn't see it until the past few months. I think he needs help. I think he is depressed. This morning we were snippy with each other and then when I asked him why he was so snippy and he said he didn't sleep much, then he just starts crying. I can't deal with him when he just sits and cries all the time. I'm not trying to sound insensitive. I've battled depression my whole life and am currently med free and doing wonderful. I think he needs to see a dr. He claims he has tried, but he has told me in the past that he didn't think it was even a problem and then when I got him to see someone and they said he was fine, he just went with it. But, he lays around crying a lot, has abandoned all of his friendships, and basically talks to noone outside of work, but his dad. And he doesn't hardly talk to his dad about anything personal.

Anyway, I'm off to work, although I'd like to stay home and find myself a place to live. He doesn't want to separate. He thinks staying here in the same house is better to work things out. But, I need space to clear my mind and think. I need space to feel comfortable. I feel like I am confined to a bedroom here because we can't ever be in the same area. At least if I am still here this summer, he will be working a lot more and won't be here all the time. But, I really want my own place for now. He thinks that means certain divorce, and I can't convince him otherwise. Sure, it may lead to that, but at this point, I just want space.


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