# 9 months since h left for ow... update



## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

It has been 9 months since my h left me and our 4 week old and 22 month old at the time. If you are interested in the back story read my original thread my husband left me for an 18 year old
Things have been up and down. He is still with ow and I'm 99% sure they moved in together. The whole thing is sick. I have been doing much better and just getting on with my life up until 2 days ago. I receive a text from the ow then, while having an after dinner walk with my children. It said something to the effect that she thinks 'it's time' that we meet up and talked. Ummm... no. It's not. I didn't text back. Then the next day she called both of my phones total of 11 times. I didn't pick up. 
When my stbxh came to pick up the kids today the asked me if i received the phone calls from ow, because she wanted to meet up with me. I seriously nearly lost it. I'm a fiery ***** to say the least..
I told him that she is persona non grata to me. There is no way in hell I will EVER speak to her. She doesn't exist in my life. I don't give a rat's ass if she lives with him, marries him, or gets pregnant. My life is free of her. I don't discuss my intimate relationships with 18 year old, stbx husband barely high school graduated students. However many he may have, now or in the future. I told him that if he wants to discuss things with me that's fine, but this is between us, she does not exist.
Words cannot describe how I feel right now. The lack of empathy and thoughtlessness blow me away. I will not grant absolution. We still have to be married until Jan (law here), so no, it's 'not time we talked'. She's ****ing my husband and shattered my relationship. I don't get a chance to fix anything, for the sake of my children or for the sake of love. 
Absolutely not. 
This is such a slap in the face. WTF are those two morons thinking? I don't know why the hell she would even imagine that I would speak to her? She's around my children, I can't stop that if they're living together. It will hurt her that much more when it's over; she'll lose all 3 of them. I am not getting dealt with by a teenager. Jesus Christ. 
Am I mildly interested in what she had to say? No. I'm not. It was probably some idealized bull**** about how she cares about my children and her and my husband are forever so can we all be friends? Christ, how high school.... No we will not be friends. **** off. 
Thanks for letting me rant. I'm just sitting here with anxiety in my stomach and a fresh new cut in my heart. **** this. 
Gotta be kidding me.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

She's pretty ballsy, eh?  I dream of the day posOW contacts me. I hope to God she's smarter than that. 

Your H must be a real dumbass to condone her reaching out to you. What betrayed spouse would welcome said contact? 

They're both stupid.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

That bimbo high school slvt and your husband have emotionally molested your children.

Your husband is a selfish punk that chose his ****k over his children and his children's mother. That dumb azz teenage woman will never love your children like you do and your husband will cheat on her some day or she will cheat on him.

If your husband will chose a younger woman over his children he will chose a younger woman over a woman that has no respect for his own children.

Honeystly
I do not know you but I want to say that you are a strong woman becuase you have endured a huge blow and you are still raising your two children. That is to be admired!


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Thanks Mr Blunt. I'm a fighter.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

SCsweety81 said:


> She's pretty ballsy, eh? I dream of the day posOW contacts me. I hope to God she's smarter than that.
> 
> Your H must be a real dumbass to *condone her reaching out to you. What betrayed spouse would welcome said contact?*
> 
> They're both stupid.


a sick one

more than likely he is enjoying this he probably enjoys seeing the pain on her face and knowing he shattered a heart. It would not surprise me he chose a TEENAGER without a fully developed brain over a loving, loyal woman. He actually thinks that the 18 year old home-wrecker could make a good mother when she knows nothing about children and helped in destroying a marriage? :scratchhead:.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

Honestly, I've been thinking about you lately and was wondering if things were any better. I'm so sorry that they are still f*cking with you. They are insane. But the part that sucks is him thinking that it's ok for her to contact you. He's an a$$hole. It just proves how messed up he really is. I swear if I could I'd kick him for you I would. 

I hate that you're hurting. I wish there was something that I could say that would help. You're in my prayers.


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## bayoubengalgal (Oct 12, 2012)

Actually, I think there is something you can do if you do not want this woman around your kids (I would not if I were you). I heard that a parent or child can file something that prevents children from seeing the other parent when living with a boyfriend or girlfriend. You need to ask an attorney but it has something to do with infringing on the primary parents or child's religious rights. So, if you were Catholic and did not believe in cohabitation because it was a sin, you can file some sort of injunction to prevent the father from bringing the kids around the OW. I hate for things to get to that point, but it sounds like this woman is really immature and she may start harassing you. Anyone that calls 11 times in one day sounds like a nut. You can even file a restraining order. I really feel for you and the kids. I wish you well.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Goldmember357,
I agree with you. I think he is. He is very vindictive, except I don't know why. If I had to decided why, it's because it eases his guilt. What is it called, blame shifting. Everything is my fault. Perhaps it's how he gets people to still talk to him, and he's beginning to believe his own lies...
cantmove, thanks for your kind words. I know, I can't believe that they continue this and that she's in my business. Her preoccupation with me is beyond irritating. I don't know why she doesn't focus on her new 'boyfriend' and keeps goading me. I think she must have some insecurity and wanted to check me out. Considering I'm quite good looking (no, seriously.... that's the most perplexing part... she's actually ugly. not semi-attractive. ugly). First she keeps writing crap about me on fb, and twitter trashing me. Now she wants to meet? Wha? I'm just glad that you wrote cantmove and actually care How are you doing? How's your *********? Cheating on ow yet? Still trying to string you along?


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

bayoubengalgal, that's a good idea except that I am Catholic but my kids are baptized Anglican, and even though she just happens to be Anglican too (stxh is Uniting Church), I'm not sure if I have a leg to stand on. I don't think that I have in me to fight that one either. I just want to buy out the house and he could ruin that for me, so I'm playing nice. I want my kids to have a safe place of their own. She most likely kisses their little tooshies in order to get some love from my h. I just hope that THIS isn't forever. I don't think I could cope.
I told my stbxh today to cut the crap out. She hasn't called. It's 8pm now, so I guess she got the message. Stbxh dropped off the kids off and was pleasant as can be. Games, games, games. I just with I knew what the hell is going through his head... seems like everybody else does but me. He never talks about anything but the kids. If I ever mention anything to do with us, he just shuts down. Honestly, power OFF. Mental.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Honeystly said:


> bayoubengalgal, that's a good idea except that I am Catholic but my kids are baptized Anglican, and even though she just happens to be Anglican too (stxh is Uniting Church), I'm not sure if I have a leg to stand on. I don't think that I have in me to fight that one either. I just want to buy out the house and he could ruin that for me, so I'm playing nice. I want my kids to have a safe place of their own. She most likely kisses their little tooshies in order to get some love from my h. I just hope that THIS isn't forever. I don't think I could cope.
> I told my stbxh today to cut the crap out. She hasn't called. It's 8pm now, so I guess she got the message. Stbxh dropped off the kids off and was pleasant as can be. Games, games, games. I just with I knew what the hell is going through his head... seems like everybody else does but me. He never talks about anything but the kids. If I ever mention anything to do with us, he just shuts down. Honestly, power OFF. Mental.


In your divorce paperwork, it is standard to have a clause of no member of the opposite sex spending the night with the children present unless they are married. It should be in a separation agreement if u guys have a period of waiting until divorce is final. You have legal rights.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bayoubengalgal (Oct 12, 2012)

It does not matter what religion you are, you can just say that cohabitation is against your religious beliefs. If I am not mistaken, Anglicans do not believe in premarital sex either.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I might look into that bayoubengagal. thanks for that. I have never heard of it before, it's a low blow, but it's brilliant at the same time. You don't mess with religion.

Hmmm, will it make a difference that we cohabited for 5 years before marriage? We didn't have kids then.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> might look into that bayoubengagal. thanks for that. I have never heard of it before, it's a low blow, but it's brilliant at the same time. You don't mess with religion.
> 
> Hmmm, will it make a difference that we cohabited for 5 years before marriage? We didn't have kids then


NO. It is standard in a divorce. It is not healthy for the children, and that is all the court is concerned with.


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## bayoubengalgal (Oct 12, 2012)

No, it will not matter because you did not have kids then. You can say that you got religious after marriage and that you want your children to brought up with spiritual and religious morals. The kids seeing him living with a younger woman, "shaking up" as Dr. Laura puts it, unmarried, is against the principles that you are trying to teach your children. When you investigate with an attorney, as him if you have a legal leg to stand on or if this case may make a precedent. 

It might be a little preachy of me (and I am not a religious person), but the reason I am saying this is because personally, I feel that the fabric of our society is being destroyed by the lack of family values we have. 50 years ago, your ex and his new honey would have been ostracized for this behavior. Today, we accept this as normal. Do not accept it. I wouldn't. If my husband did that crap, he would never see our son again. Period. It may sound harsh but I do not want my son to treat his wife and children that way and seeing is learning. It is so disrespectful of the institution of marriage. Your ex made a vow and completely broke that morally, spiritually, etc. Be the better person. Some people do not like Dr. Laura, but I really think she has some good points about divorce. She says that if you get a divorce, do not remarry or date until your kids are 18. That way your kids are not competing with the new love interest or new siblings. Often, the original children are brushed aside to make way for the new family and it is unfair to them. 

My mother divorced my father when I was 4. I had an older sister that was 6. My mom married a new man and they had two more kids. My sister and I were definitely affected by it. My two younger siblings got more attention, affection, etc. Plus, I had a whole new extended family that treated us poorly. I would never do that to my kids but like I said, it is now considered normal. Do I blame my mom, no. I know it is hard being a single parent but if my mom could feel what we felt, I think she would have done it differently.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

bayoubengalgal, I posted this in the infidelity section, but I don't really plan on dating as such. I like being by myself, never had a problem. I am a fiercely independent person. I was joking over there, that I will only date in like maybe 5 years like a senior citizen. I'll have a 'friend' that I see every other weekend when I don't have the kids for a dinner and a... hmm... relation...  My kids don't need a stepdad, I don't need stepkids. I don't have time or effort to invest into somebody else besides my children and me.
So I agree with you on that. People tell me I'm a bit extreme and that I need to model healthy love relationships to my kids, but I'm not convinced. 1) Because so far I'll have a divorce behind my belt proving that I'm not exactly a role model 2) I'm worried about pedophiles, etc. 3) My kids already share one parent most of the time (me) between each other-they don't need to share me with anyone else. 
When I had my kids I meant it. I want to love them and give them my all while they're growing up... I will have to do something with every other weekend though:ezpi_wink1:


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## bayoubengalgal (Oct 12, 2012)

you sound great!!!


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Wow i cant believe that crap! Good for you Honestly.. stay strong.. dont cave the the child like games..


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> bayoubengalgal, I posted this in the infidelity section, but I don't really plan on dating as such. I like being by myself, never had a problem. I am a fiercely independent person. I was joking over there, that I will only date in like maybe 5 years like a senior citizen. I'll have a 'friend' that I see every other weekend when I don't have the kids for a dinner and a... hmm... relation... My kids don't need a stepdad, I don't need stepkids. I don't have time or effort to invest into somebody else besides my children and me.
> So I agree with you on that. People tell me I'm a bit extreme and that I need to model healthy love relationships to my kids, but I'm not convinced. 1) Because so far I'll have a divorce behind my belt proving that I'm not exactly a role model 2) I'm worried about pedophiles, etc. 3) My kids already share one parent most of the time (me) between each other-they don't need to share me with anyone else.
> When I had my kids I meant it. I want to love them and give them my all while they're growing up... I will have to do something with every other weekend though





Honeystly
My grandfather left my grandmother with 5 children. She dedicated herself to her children and God for the next 50+ years and was so thankful for her blessings. She never dated even though my grandfather left her when she was in her 30s.

My grandmothers 5 children are outstanding people and great citizens of the USA. None of them divorced and all raised their children. My father is a good man and all his sisters are good women. My father was and is emotionally affected because his father abandon him and that is why I know that parents who abandon their children are molesters of their children’s emotions. 

My grandfather died a drunk in his 70s. My grandmother lived to be in her 90s and all her children and grandchildren took care of her when she would let them. Even when she was in her eighties she would *run* to the door to hug me when I went to visit her. Every one of us loved and admired our grandmother. She showed us what sacrifice for the good meant and God blessed her all her life.

You sound a bit like my grandmother; a strong independent woman that is dedicated to her children. My grandmother is one of my heroes.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

bayoubengalgal said:


> No, it will not matter because you did not have kids then. You can say that you got religious after marriage and that you want your children to brought up with spiritual and religious morals. The kids seeing him living with a younger woman, "shaking up" as Dr. Laura puts it, unmarried, is against the principles that you are trying to teach your children. When you investigate with an attorney, as him if you have a legal leg to stand on or if this case may make a precedent.
> 
> It might be a little preachy of me (and I am not a religious person), but the reason I am saying this is because personally, I feel that the fabric of our society is being destroyed by the lack of family values we have. 50 years ago, your ex and his new honey would have been ostracized for this behavior. Today, we accept this as normal. Do not accept it. I wouldn't. If my husband did that crap, he would never see our son again. Period. It may sound harsh but I do not want my son to treat his wife and children that way and seeing is learning. It is so disrespectful of the institution of marriage. Your ex made a vow and completely broke that morally, spiritually, etc. Be the better person. Some people do not like Dr. Laura, but I really think she has some good points about divorce. She says that if you get a divorce, do not remarry or date until your kids are 18. That way your kids are not competing with the new love interest or new siblings. Often, the original children are brushed aside to make way for the new family and it is unfair to them.
> 
> My mother divorced my father when I was 4. I had an older sister that was 6. My mom married a new man and they had two more kids. My sister and I were definitely affected by it. My two younger siblings got more attention, affection, etc. Plus, I had a whole new extended family that treated us poorly. I would never do that to my kids but like I said, it is now considered normal. Do I blame my mom, no. I know it is hard being a single parent but if my mom could feel what we felt, I think she would have done it differently.


50 years ago people were a lot less educated as well. While things may gotten worse in some regards the "lack of morals" is something that should change eventually. If one is religious than i can expect them wishing to go back in time, after all as humans advance even more eventually religion will die out (imo) it is already in a majority of industrialized countries.

However i think it really depends on the upbringing of the child. Marrying another after you divorce while you have children under the age of 18 is not horrible. My wife's mother remarried when my wife was 14 her parents divorced when she was 10 and her mom got remarried 4 years later and is still with that man. My wife had a very good conservative upbringing, church every Sunday, volunteering, she was genuinely a good person and wished good onto others. I think the reason for this is precisely because of her environment, and how loving and good her mother was. In addition she had a great relationship with her dad and would see him every weekend until she was 16 and he moved jobs but even than she said he knew he was an amazing father and she felt lucky to have him.


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## SCondeck (Oct 5, 2012)

I'm glad that we are so much more educated today. Those silly old people never had "Harry Potter Studies" or "History of Videogames" (both actual college courses) like we do today! 
There's something to be said for that generation. The women stayed with their men. Have you ever met a 70+ yr old woman woman who abandoned her husband because of neglected feelings or emotional connectivity? Plus, the men were men. They didn't allow themselves to be walked on, didn't have to go to counseling to be told they were too codependent. I personally have fallen far short of their example. Also, 12 thousand years of human development havn't killed off religion so I doubt it will happen anytime soon.

Anyways, sorry to get off topic. Hostly, you're doing great keep it up! I hope to get to where you are soon. I really think that NC is the way to go, especially if you know in your heart that the marriage is over. Why bow to them anymore?


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

SCondeck,
NC is more than possible with her, but unfortunately impossible with him because of our little, tiny kids (he left when my younger one was four weeks old... chose that prize over her). She has been taunting me on FB for months, at least I stopped checking... who knows what's on there now! 

I don't know. It seems that something has shifted, but I'm not sure what. I think the euphoria of banging an 18 year old is coming down a little, or they got into their first fight... He's actually pleasant to me lately, which is completely new. He gave me cookies 2 days ago...had extra apparently...
Perhaps he's realizing just how much water we have under that bridge. Personally, just when I think I'm over it, I discover another layer of attachment I need to peel away. It's hard, especially because I would love to have had an opportunity to work on our marriage, to know that he wasn't happy, and why. 
I still don't. He never told me. He never explained anything. We never really had a breakup talk. I keep wondering if he misses me, but I doubt it. If he did, he wouldn't be so damn cruel and vindictive. He wouldn't rub it in my face on purpose.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> Goldmember357,
> I agree with you. I think he is. He is very vindictive, except I don't know why. If I had to decided why, it's because it eases his guilt. What is it called, blame shifting. Everything is my fault. Perhaps it's how he gets people to still talk to him, and he's beginning to believe his own lies...
> cantmove, thanks for your kind words. I know, I can't believe that they continue this and that she's in my business. Her preoccupation with me is beyond irritating. I don't know why she doesn't focus on her new 'boyfriend' and keeps goading me. I think she must have some insecurity and wanted to check me out. Considering I'm quite good looking (no, seriously.... that's the most perplexing part... she's actually ugly. not semi-attractive. ugly). First she keeps writing crap about me on fb, and twitter trashing me. Now she wants to meet? Wha? I'm just glad that you wrote cantmove and actually care How are you doing? How's your *********? Cheating on ow yet? Still trying to string you along?




Still not divorced, getting closer. Found out he has been telling his lawyer to drag his feet, since "we" are still confused. Ha! I'm not confused. He's not cheating on ow yet. Well he's trying to cheat with me. He's trying to get my mother to help him. Twisted. 

He called this morning to ask if I could talk this afternoon. Wanted to make sure son was out of the house. He said we could talk about settlement but then said he would bring wine. He thinks if he can jump me then he can get me back in line. He has a much higher opinion of his talents than I do. Besides, it would take a heck of lot more than wine to get me to go there.
I told him to just put his offer in writing, no wine necessary.

You're right. Your stbx is vindictive out of guilt. Pathetic, all of them.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

cantmove, so your stbxh's actions kinda verify what I wrote before. He wants to be the center of attention, with 2 women fighting over him. Little ego... I'm glad he's trying to get you in the sack-he needs some rejection in his life:tool: Keep it coming cantmove. Posow got a prize there, didn't she? I can't believe he told his lawyer to drag his feet! That is unreal. I mean, really, so what, he'll be living in two houses? Or does he want an open marriage... Makes my blood boil. Stay strong lovely lady!


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> cantmove, so your stbxh's actions kinda verify what I wrote before. He wants to be the center of attention, with 2 women fighting over him. Little ego... I'm glad he's trying to get you in the sack-he needs some rejection in his life:tool: Keep it coming cantmove. Posow got a prize there, didn't she? I can't believe he told his lawyer to drag his feet! That is unreal. I mean, really, so what, he'll be living in two houses? Or does he want an open marriage... Makes my blood boil. Stay strong lovely lady!


You stay strong too. Keep that teenager away from you. I do have it easier in that department. The ow wants nothing to do with my son. She wants him not to exist because it has been his fault that nutless didn't leave me for her all these years. They fight because he has our son every other weekend and one night a week. Her jealousy of my son is going to be her undoing.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Gosh. I can't believe that teenager's gall! 

That is so much to deal with...and I understand the feeling of finding more and more layers of attachment. 

My MIL told me that Sasquatch misses me, and that he feels badly for what he did. I told her, well, he has never once apologized to me for any specific actions...nor has he told me that he misses me or acted like he misses me. It is better that way, anyway.



But, none of that matters. I am sure that part of your ex does miss you. ...but, the fact is that he is a repulsive poophole who is porking his teenage student. 

yuck. incredibly disgusting.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

jpr, I hope mine and yours can be conflicted about his for the rest of their lives. I prob don't wish them misery for the rest of their lives, but certainly for the chunk they're with ow and maybe like 2 years after... 
Yes, it is repulsive. That's why I see a shrink--to somehow be able to co-exist with the feeling of revulsion I carry inside. OUr exs must miss us sometimes,:/


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