# I don't seem interested anymore



## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Over the last year I have been putting all my efforts into our relationship. There has been a few bumps along the way, as to be expected. Our sexual frequency has increased quite a bit and everything seemed great. 
We decided in late May or early June to put our house up for sale and downsize. I've taken care of all the work in the outside of the house, did any work on the inside that needed to be done and my wife has been cleaning and de-cluttering. 
The last time we were intimate was a week after Father's Day. 
I am typically high drive and (used to) think about sex literally every few waking moments. Now I've noticed in the last week and a half I've rarely thought about it. Out of habit I tried to rub one out the other day but just couldn't finish the task. I have no desire to try initiate and don't really care if the wife does either. 
It's almost like I feel no attraction to my wife (sexually) anymore or even want (need) sex. 
I had my T levels checked in January and my Dr said they were normal. Which I thought as I was always horny and ready to go. Now, I could care less. 
Since November, I've lost 35lbs, been lifting 4x/week, brought my A1c from 7.0 to 5.8 and lowered my LDL cholesterol from 4.78 to 2.01. Physically, I'm in as good of shape or better than I was in my 20's. Now at almost 51, it feels like my sex drive just instantly shut off as though a switch had been turned off. 
We did have an incident over the weekend where I saw a text she sent that had a very derogatory comment about me. I waited almost 2 days to bring the issue up (had to cool down) as I was just livid about it.
We talked and worked things out, but now I feel even less attracted to her. 
I'm not sure if it's stress from trying to sell the house, my increased workload. Or all the above combined. 
It just feels really weird to me that sex has fallen completely off my radar. Even when I see scantily clad younger hard bodies I don't think of sex. 
I find this troubling. Any thoughts???


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
any medication of any sort?


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

No. I was asked by my Dr to consider Lipidor to lower my cholesterol. I told him I'll lower it without drugs. My dietician looked at my results and her response was that what I did to lower my A1c and cholesterol was "phenominol!!".
I honestly can't think of a reason to lose my drive that fast.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Has your wife commented on the less attraction or does she not see it....i used to comment in the morning when my wife got dressed how sexy she was, one day she just berated me for constantly mentioning it so i stopped completely, i don't say a word any more...nothing like killing the spirit...but i am with you, i have sadly begun to fall out of desire.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

She probably hasn't even noticed. I've only been like this for about a week and a half. 
With her, she can take or leave sex. 
When we do (did) have sex it was good, but she never really puts any more than minimal effort into it. 
When she gets home from work it's the same thing, frumpzilla. If she goes and visits a friend, she'll dress up a bit. When she goes to work, she always looks good. She just never tries to look the same for me. 
I'll admit, I never used to dress all that well, mainly because I was fat and out of shape and really, who wants to see a fat guy trying to look good? Plus, I work a lot around the house and in my workshop so I didn't want to ruin any of the good clothes I had. 
Now however, when I know I won't be doing things that'll get me dirty, I dress up a bit. She still does what she always has. 
But like I said in my earlier post, not even the younger hard bodies get me thinking about sex.
Sooo frustrating.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Cre8ify said:


> My attraction for my wife is headed south but in my case she has spent so many years trying to convince me she has little interest in sex and I finally believe her. Its not sexy to be ambivalent about sex.
> 
> 
> 
> As to the derogatory comment, I wonder if the respect issue goes both ways. A woman cannot be attracted to a man she does not respect. I will say, when my wife is an emotional basket case, showing weakness, or being unfairly harsh on the kids...that is sex repellant to me.



No. The derogatory comment was dealt with. Not right away as I needed time to cool down. She knows I won't tolerate it as I told her if you think that way of me I'm sure there are plenty of guys in the world you would be happier with. 
But the thing is, it's not just her, it's sex in general. I just seem to have lost any and all interest in even thinking about it. 
As I said, it was pretty sudden. I used to think about it all the time, now? Meh.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I wonder if there are any illnesses that can cause such a drastic drop in libido? I mean, besides depression. A virus of some sort? Have you been tired or achy or anything?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Do you have high BP? If so, what are you using to control it?

ETA: You may have lost your libido, but you didn't that you couldn't get it up. So, can you still get it up if you worked with it, or is it not responsive?


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I wonder if there are any illnesses that can cause such a drastic drop in libido? I mean, besides depression. A virus of some sort? Have you been tired or achy or anything?


Just achy from working out. 
My health is great BP 120/80, losing weight at a good pace (1/2-1lb/week) building muscle and my blood work is getting better every time I go. 
I'm thinking possibly stress related but not sure. I've never been one to worry about things I have no control over ie; selling the house. If nobody wants to buy it, no big deal. Try again in 6 months. 
I have a Dr appointment early next week, I think I'll bring it up. Maybe suggest a stress teat?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

thenub said:


> Over the last year I have been putting all my efforts into our relationship.
> 
> ... Out of habit I tried to rub one out the other day but just couldn't finish the task. I have no desire to try initiate and don't really care if the wife does either.
> It's almost like I feel no attraction to my wife (sexually) anymore or even want (need) sex.
> ...


Good news bad news, go back and have your Dr re-check your T-levels. Low T and type 2 diabetes go hand in hand with many folks you can look up metabolic syndrome to find out more. Fat converts T into estrogen. You solution might be quite simple. If you do start HRT, then it will be a life time commitment. It is not something you start and stop. Also read up on what is and is not "normal." T levels. If you have a T level of 350 it is horibly low, but considered for insurance purposes "normal." You want optimal levels. Testosterone: What's a Normal Testosterone Level in Men? | The Art of Manliness

Another symptom of low T is grumpiness.

I suspect that your real problem is a combination of fear or performance anniety, stress, and anger toward your wife.

Keep up the great workouts and getting in better shape.

Good luck to you.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Sexual interest isn't like a light that's always on until it blows out. It comes and goes. Stress, health issues, dislike for the person with whom you live can all depress your libido. I wouldn't get too concerned, since you'll just stress more and just make it worse.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Did you have your prolactin levels checked?


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