# So Sad...



## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I am so saddened by some posts I read. Men wishing they could make love to their wife. Women wanting sex from their husband. So many missing out on the closeness, the intimacy, the connection. I know many are at their limit. Why doesn't he or she love me? The only person on earth with whom I want to make love and she/he won't. It almost makes me feel guilty when I tell about our marriage; like I am rubbing it in somehow. I wish I could "wave a magic wand" and fix it. But relationships can be so hard. 

I know this does not help, but I feel for you all nonetheless.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

romantic_guy said:


> I am so saddened by some posts I read. Men wishing they could make love to their wife. Women wanting sex from their husband. So many missing out on the closeness, the intimacy, the connection. I know many are at their limit. Why doesn't he or she love me? The only person on earth with whom I want to make love and she/he won't. It almost makes me feel guilty when I tell about our marriage; like I am rubbing it in somehow. I wish I could "wave a magic wand" and fix it. But relationships can be so hard.
> 
> I know this does not help, but I feel for you all nonetheless.


:iagree:

It's been quite an eye opener coming here.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I've learned quite a bit by coming here. And our marriage has been improving... It's certainly been a joint effort and I think he's getting "help" from somewhere too (aka a book, another forum, a buddy at work). It's a work in progress. Thanks TAM!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I almost want to cry when I read stories of sexless marriages.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

Thank you all who expressed a desire to cry when reading some posts that litter these forums. I too have felt this way but there is a comfort in seeing that other people, real people not just statistics, are willing to share their experiences no matter how sad or harrowing their stories are. I think this place provides a community with great values and really special people. 

You are helping me and I appreciate your opinions and advice. Thanks!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Yah - it seems like the sadness about the overwhelming problems really hits you about 2 - 3 months into being on the board - at least that's when it kind of overwhelmed me.

At that point I thought that I would just stop coming here and posting because it was difficult to face all of the problems on a daily basis. But, I did end up coming back - because if you can comfort, advise, uphold, motivate, or help even one person - if you can empower even one person to try and better themselves and therefore their marriage, it is worth it. 

Instead of looking at it like you should feel guilt about your great marriage, romantic_guy, you should instead let it be a shining beacon of what two committed people who have been together a long time and have worked hard and learned a lot to overcome their problems can have - show it in a motivational light to help uplift others.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> But, I did end up coming back - because if you can comfort, advise, uphold, motivate, or help even one person - if you can empower even one person to try and better themselves and therefore their marriage, it is worth it.


That is the reason I keep posting. I also hope that I can help others as I share our experiences. Marriage can be so awesome!! I just want others to have what we have.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

I too have learned a great deal about myself just by reading about others issues.
My marriage is starting to get better. My 18 yr old is bringing us closer together by causing problems. 
We are having to work together to make my son understand he is wrong. 
Which in turn is drawing us closer together. My son had a talk with us and he apologized for not listening.
My hubby has not played games all day! We are watching tv and laughing as a family. This is a great day!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

romantic_guy said:


> I am so saddened by some posts I read. Men wishing they could make love to their wife. Women wanting sex from their husband. So many missing out on the closeness, the intimacy, the connection. I know many are at their limit. Why doesn't he or she love me? The only person on earth with whom I want to make love and she/he won't. It almost makes me feel guilty when I tell about our marriage; like I am rubbing it in somehow. I wish I could "wave a magic wand" and fix it. But relationships can be so hard.
> 
> I know this does not help, but I feel for you all nonetheless.


It is good to see something like this posted ......my heart feels the same...I have literally sat here tears streaming down my face ....just imagining being in some of the shoes of these posters....... then I start to get angry... sometimes I literally need to reign in my REAL thoughts, or I will go off on some who feel sex isn't such a big deal... just "suck it up"...other things are more important ....roses & flowers, it isn't all about "sex", after all. Where I see emotional heartbreak, others see "cold commitment" somehow. 

When a husband comes here & posts how he loves his wife so much he is willing to get castrated...(ex) http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/38669-sexless-marriage-castration-answer.html or seeking a pill to stop his (or her) sex drive because he feels it is a scourge -he is so frustrated or he HATES himself , would take his own life before hurting his wife, but struggles with wayward thoughts when his wife is sick , because he is missing what "was"..... I freaking loose it !!! It is so easy to just throw "vows" in someone's face instead of trying to sympathize with what is happening in their hearts. 

I feel really strongly about these things , I think because of my own GUILT..even ANGER @ myself, my regrets.....for not being as good a wife as I should have been in the past...when he was wanting MORE (I couldn't have asked for a better man)....then I found myself on the other side of this.....with an intensity I could have never imagined... ...this has made me more sympathetic to others in this particular area.....I am near driven to speak about such things... 

I feel if our story, experiences can speak to others to NOT make these mistakes early in their marriages ....to inspire them, educate them to *the needs *of their spouse, influence their minds... to prevent what I feel "we" missed... it would make me smile very very much. 

What else can one do ...but offer our ears, our own stories, and hope the listening may have some impact. 

I also feel almost ashamed for going on about my marraige sometimes, I could see if some may feel it is a "rubbing it in" ....I really don't want to come off like that. If I have , I do apologize -as I do not want anyone to feel worse. I also wish I could wave a wand for so very many here.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

romantic_guy said:


> I wish I could "wave a magic wand" and fix it. But relationships can be so hard.


Okay, am I the only one who sees this?


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Okay, am I the only one who sees this?


OMG... :rofl:

Some things just jump out at you when you see it in print...I mean stick out...I mean...oh never mind!!

I guess my magic wand only works with one woman!!!


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

You think this site has a lot of sexless marriage stories? You should see the sexless marriage discussion forum at The Experience Project. Last time I looked there were like 20,000 members. It is a very common problem.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Yes.. relationships can be hard work sometimes...but aren't most worthwhile things in life?

My parents are about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary and I love them for it. I'm so proud to have parents that love and adore each other after so many years together (and trials and tribulations).

A few months ago my sister and I were chatting with Dad and love and life and all the bits inbetween.

He said he believed marriage was hard work and that you need to regulary monitor the health of your marriage and do some work in the areas that need attention.... bit like tuning the engine on your car.

WELL...my Mum took great exception to this (mock indignation more than anything).

But I can't help agree with Dad (sorry Mum).

We need to be evaluating our relationships and looking not only at our spouses lackings...but our own.

Why is the love/sex/affection lacking? What can I do to make things better/more loving? How can I best communicate this and my needs/wants with my loved and cherished spouse.

How can I be a better wife/spouse?

I 'try' not to be over whelmed by the sadness on this site...because I know marriage doesn't have to be like this.. Some folk just seem to have lost their way.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

just further gives me proof that i would never want to be 99.999% of humans as i feel they are worse off than men. In reality i pity most of the world and the human race as a whole i feel bad for so many people in addition to pity. Such a shame it truly is what blows my mind is the people who know so little about the person they marry i just question and wonder why it is they even marry. Than reality hits me in the face and i realize the world is a terrible terrible place and this is the devils' world primarily and a lot of the good is present i realize that but so many people are far from even having or exhibiting gratitude.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

newview said:


> tam ??


TAM??...'talkabout marriage'...this place...and all the lovely and smart folk who hang here!


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

waiwera said:


> He said he believed marriage was hard work and that you need to regulary monitor the health of your marriage and do some work in the areas that need attention.... bit like tuning the engine on your car.


Good advice. I think the problem for some people is that the amount of work involved is vast. It'd be like having a car and having to replace the alternator one week, strip the brakes the next, weld up the subframe the next week, replace the head gasket the week after that, to the point that whenever they're out in the car they're so worried the thing is going to conk out that they can't enjoy it, or just don't dare do anything, or decide they can't keep spending all their time, money and energy keeping it on the road...


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## nightshift (Feb 4, 2012)

To those who are happily married and enjoy a good sex life with their partner, please do not feel guilty or bad about talking about it! Although I'm definitely not in the "good sex life" group at this point, I enjoy reading posts from those of you who are. It gives me hope and reassures me that what I want is not unrealistic - that it can and does happen in marriage. Do I sometimes envy what some of you post? Yes. Does it sometimes remind me of my own issues at home? Yes. But I still continue to read and learn from everyone and hope that you all will continue to share your success stories.


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

I am SO grateful for this site. I am extremely sad that it exists because so many of us have problems and issues. But, it is a good place to learn and provide comfort and compassion. I wish I had what I used to have in my relationship - joy.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If your relationship needs more tuneups than an old MG then your main activity isn't marriage per se it's tuning up your marriage. Like people who go to car shows and never drive.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> If your relationship needs more tuneups than an old MG then your main activity isn't marriage per se it's tuning up your marriage. Like people who go to car shows and never drive.


yeah but you do alot of looking right 

No one should be in a sexless marriage, that is not marriage any way.

Forced lack of intimacy for what ever reason should be made a crime, one shouldn't be made to feel guilty for wanting a sexual relationship.

I left one partner because he only ever wanted sex once a month, it makes you feel undesirable, he had issues because he suffered premature ejaculation, i'd only have to get near him he'd cum.

Then the other one whilst together was good at the start before he got obese, he became insecure, possessive, jealous, but wouldn't leave the states to live with us, so sex maybe once a year, he wasn't very creative i had in the end always initiate, oh and the guilt trip combined with sulking is not sexy.

I don't want to be rescued or a provider just a lover now, my body was made to be lusted and loved over, if anyone wants a pic just pm me    

For the lovers here Ed Sheeran performs 'Kiss Me' - YouTube


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

I wasn't going to post in this thread. I liked the original a few days ago to signal my agreement and to say "well said" and was going to leave it at that.

I've been very sad as I read here. As hard as it may be to believe when you see the length of some of my posts, I read a lot more than I write. There are so many situations that are just so far over my head in being able to offer anything that I think may be helpful ... most times I don't post in those threads. I've been here long enough now that I'm really starting to feel the weight.

I'm not sure if I can continue to come here, or if I can, for how long. I'm not sure my little sunshiny posts are helpful to anybody. Like the OP, when I post about what's good in my marriage, I almost feel like I'm bragging. It's not my intent. I am very happy with my marriage and would like that to shine, but I can't help but feel that it will be viewed as bragging ... and as fun as it is to post with others who are also happy and share what we're happy about, I'm really questioning whether or not anything I post is helpful.

So I'll have to evaluate ... But yes, definitely, so sad.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

*shy_guy* There is nothing wrong in saying you have a successful marriage and it shines, people like me absorb that warmth as well as the rays that cast light on hopes and new dreams.:thumbup:


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

How timely. I was thinking today about cutting myself off from this site because of the sadness that it has evoked and how it has brought some things to the forefront of my mind that I was not dealing with. 

I absolutely love reading the posts about those couples that have overcome adversity to save and enhance their relationships. It gives me great hope.

This site helped me to reach out to a counselor to get the help I need. I will be forever grateful.

It has taken me years to understand the depths of love for my wife. By today's definition she is not a "hottie" but I would not give her up for a "10". The last few years have been difficult for me professionally and I think it has taken a toll on her. She has said some things that have been cruel and those have been some of the most disappointing moments in my life. 

The experiences of others here have helped me to realize that I can never be patient, kind or loving enough towards her. I have also learned that I need to work on improving myself and not be so wrapped up in her. We are not close to having the relationship I want for us but we are so much closer than we were 6 months ago. 

thanks to all of you!


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

RClawson said:


> How timely. I was thinking today about cutting myself off from this site because of the sadness that it has evoked and how it has brought some things to the forefront of my mind that I was not dealing with.
> 
> I absolutely love reading the posts about those couples that have overcome adversity to save and enhance their relationships. It gives me great hope.
> 
> ...


No, thank you for this post! Many of us who have weathered the storms of relationships and become stronger hope that sharing will help someone else. Your words help us to know that we are making a difference!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Runs like Dog said:


> If your relationship needs more tuneups than an old MG then your main activity isn't marriage per se it's tuning up your marriage. Like people who go to car shows and never drive.


LOL... interesting take on things!

It seems to be working for them ok.... after all these years they still go away for 'dirty weekends', they hold hands and kiss often and they show love in every word, look, touch, it used to gross me out as a youngster...now I just think... how cool!

Maybe sometimes it IS worthwhile working on/maintaining those old classics and keeping them running smooth


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

romantic_guy said:


> I am so saddened by some posts I read. Men wishing they could make love to their wife. Women wanting sex from their husband. So many missing out on the closeness, the intimacy, the connection. I know many are at their limit. Why doesn't he or she love me? The only person on earth with whom I want to make love and she/he won't. It almost makes me feel guilty when I tell about our marriage; like I am rubbing it in somehow. I wish I could "wave a magic wand" and fix it. But relationships can be so hard.
> 
> I know this does not help, but I feel for you all nonetheless.


Well said. 

I came here as the holidays approached for advice on feuding extended families. I had no 'friggin clue how much pain so many people are in and feel terrible about it.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Nightshift, honeysuckle rose, cloudwithleggs, RClawson, and anybody else I may have missed: Thank you for your posts. I needed to read that.

I shared this thread with my wife last night, and especially my post about feeling sad. She was concerned that I would become depressed. I'm not concerned about depression (medical) but sadness can affect our relationship. We made a deal on it since I really like reading and sharing, but I'm not sure how much I can handle.

My wife says she will watch me more closely when I'm here to monitor my mood - it's always good to have a second set of eyes. I'll reduce the amount of time I spend here, but will continue to come here at least for the near future, and I'll post like I have been doing. I'll limit the number of threads I read in order to keep the load to one I can handle. If we find it becomes a drain on us, then I'll withdraw for a while, and evaluate with her whether or not it is a good idea to return. That seems a reasonable approach.

Those who give encouragement for us to keep posting, thank you. I guess if we're going to continue on here, we really need to hear from you, too.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

It's sad, but it's also inspiring at times. 
There are just as many people who enjoy hearing positive stories. 
If there wasn't anything positive on this site, I would never come here. 

I may be in a dark place right now, but at least I know there is still LIFE to be lived. There is hope for normal.


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