# Husband "Just not feeling it"



## rona (Aug 5, 2009)

hi my name is rona my husband just informed me that he is not feeling it. He cant even say i love you or kiss me. my whole world has been turned upside down. we just celebrated our 20 year anniversary. everything seemed to be okay then what has happened in the last month i dont know. he says noone else is involved. i believe him . he wants to make it work but it is hard for me not to be able to be affectionate or even get that affection back


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Have you discussed what he feels is missing in the marriage?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I had a friend long time ago like that...
she was married over 20 years, she was over 40... 3 kids and all of a sudden her husband left her.
She was soooo sad. I broke my heart to see her. She passed away a few years ago.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

How has your marriage been the last 5 years or so.. Have you guys tried to connect and be a couple or have you put it on cruise control?? Most people forget to continue to nurture a relationship. I have too. Life/kids/work/home. They all seem to jump in front of your marriage. It shouldn't be that way but it happens..


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## frozensprouts (Aug 1, 2009)

I can kind of relate, as my husband of 13 years just informed me that he felt that way a few weeks ago, ( three) and wanted a separation. It turned out that he did have a close female friend who became "more than a friend" a few days after he announced that he wanted a separation. Now it's three weeks later, he has told me he has stopped seeing her ( but won't delete her off of facebook) and we are trying to "work things out". He still says the line of " I love you but I am not in love with you" and "you are my best friend, but nothing more" etc. He has agreed to see a counselor. 
I can relate to the part about getting so lost with work, kids, etc. that you kind of lose track of each other. I hope that you and he can find a way to reconnect ( heck, unless you underwent some radical change, you are still, on a fundamental level, the person he fell in love with). Maybe you need to find a way to help he see that again. One thing that I have found, though, is that, at a time like this, your friends family, and even "anonymous internet support" is there for you- don't be afraid to ask for the help. there will be times that it will save you.
Sorry I can't give better advice on how to solve your problem- I am kind of in the same place right now, but if you find something that helps, please let me know!
Best of luck to you ( and, even though I know that people won't like me saying this) shame on him for putting you through this. Nobody deserves to be treated like this, no matter what has gone on in their relationship. I feel bad for you, and I really hope that things work out.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

preso said:


> I had a friend long time ago like that...
> she was married over 20 years, she was over 40... 3 kids and all of a sudden her husband left her.
> She was soooo sad. I broke my heart to see her. She passed away a few years ago.


You are just full of sunshine aren't you, Preso? 

How do you spell: BITTER?? Just asking


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Sweetie:

Am sorry you have this issue happening in your marriage. It could be several things. Lets start with:

Another person in his "world" that you are not aware of.


I will reiterate this seeming "fact": Nine times out of ten, when a man says he has "lost the feeling" in his marriage it is because there is some woman waiting in the wings with a fantasy relationship of his dreams.

If you think your DH is not wanted by other women, re-think.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

:iagree: Couldn't have said it better Sandy!


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## karajh (Jul 25, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> Sweetie:
> 
> Am sorry you have this issue happening in your marriage. It could be several things. Lets start with:
> 
> ...


She is totally on the mark sweetie!:


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## mumof2 (Jul 7, 2009)

I have to agree with Sandy as I am living through that right now.

H after 21 years of marriage came out with the 'i love you but am not in love with you'. He swore there was noone else and I defended him to everyone on this site saying he wasn't like that.

And lo and behold, he has contacted an old flame on the internet and has been emailing and texting her!!!

Look hard at him. Even our kids told me he was hiding something, I didn't want to believe it.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> You are just full of sunshine aren't you, Preso?
> 
> How do you spell: BITTER?? Just asking


Her story reminded me of someone WHO I KNEW IN REAL LIFE
...
and yes its a real possibility to die from a broken heart.

A man is not the center of your life, if he does not want you...
MOVE ON, plenty of fish in the sea.

I am not bitter... I was saying how I was so sad for this woman
and watched her waste away and die at 53.
It was quite eye opening.

Don't want someone or try to keep someone who does not want you.... move on ! 
Have some self respect.
That is what my post was about.

sandy... you know what they say about people who live in glass houses.


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## Beninyourshoes (Jul 31, 2009)

I wouldn't jump to conclusions. I am starting to feel distant from my wife of 20+ yrs. I love her so much. She is the most beautiful person I have ever known. I have told her every day for the last 20+ yrs how much I love her and how beautiful she is. I am the romantic person in our relationship. My wife has such a low sex drive, it really frustrates me to the point that I am willing to just give up. I have talked to her and pleaded my case with her and she tries for maybe a week to be more intimate but then it slowly goes back to the norm about the time I get happy again. It is like a rollercoaster ride for me. 

I can't imagine living the rest of my life without my wife/bestfriend, but at the same time I can not imagine living the rest of my life with someone that is so unwilling to be affectionate with me. Yes I can get all the kisses I want or the "duty sex" I want, but only if I instigate it. I think some men would like to be romanced rather than being the person that starts it all the time. How many nites are you suppost to lay down in the same bed and just roll over and go to sleep. 

I am sorry and did not mean to hijack your thread but before I jumped to the conclusion that your H is cheating or has someone lined up, I would look at myself. I know that if my wife was a little more attentive to my needs, our marriage would be a lot better.


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## MrMarriedman (Mar 4, 2009)

Same thing happened in my realtionship. My wife of 7 years informed me that I 'no longer did it for her'. Three weeks later I found out she was having an EA with a male co-worker. It destroyed my world because I alway trusted my wife and never thought she was that unsatisfied with our marriage. We are working on it and it's been 6 months but everyday is a struggle. People need to realize that once the trust has been fractured or broken it takes years of hard work and commitment to re-build it. I wish you luck.


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## d346 (Aug 4, 2009)

Beninyourshoes said:


> I wouldn't jump to conclusions. I am starting to feel distant from my wife of 20+ yrs. I love her so much. She is the most beautiful person I have ever known. I have told her every day for the last 20+ yrs how much I love her and how beautiful she is. I am the romantic person in our relationship. My wife has such a low sex drive, it really frustrates me to the point that I am willing to just give up. I have talked to her and pleaded my case with her and she tries for maybe a week to be more intimate but then it slowly goes back to the norm about the time I get happy again. It is like a rollercoaster ride for me.
> 
> I can't imagine living the rest of my life without my wife/bestfriend, but at the same time I can not imagine living the rest of my life with someone that is so unwilling to be affectionate with me. Yes I can get all the kisses I want or the "duty sex" I want, but only if I instigate it. I think some men would like to be romanced rather than being the person that starts it all the time. How many nites are you suppost to lay down in the same bed and just roll over and go to sleep.
> 
> I am sorry and did not mean to hijack your thread but before I jumped to the conclusion that your H is cheating or has someone lined up, I would look at myself. I know that if my wife was a little more attentive to my needs, our marriage would be a lot better.



I agree with Ben...I'm not happy in my marriage right now either but there's nobody else. If there WERE, it might be easier for me to come up with a reason for my unhappiness and distance. I feel like my wife holds me back from so much.


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