# my husband worries me



## confusionqueen (Oct 29, 2012)

my husband made a comment about my daughters friend who will soon be 13 his exact words were " she knows she has a hot little body " how do i react to this, he has cheated in the past with serveral women and i was only 16 when we met he was 20 and we have been together since but lately he has been watching a lot of porn we usually have sex 2-3 times a day but after his sudden comment he has been angry with me and uninterested! advice please!


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

His comment was certainly inappropriate. How did the topic come up?

Since he made the comment he's been cold? Probably embarrassed...or scared?

2-3x a day? Congrats...and this is with him hitting the porn...is he open with the porn use? How old are you...guessing early thirties?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Benevolence (Oct 8, 2012)

Maybe she was acting over confident, shaking her money maker.. he could have been referring to that, but yeah not something I would ever say to describe a 13 year old... gross.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

In isolation this wouldn't bother me. It could very well be him describing her as way too snotty and confident. But if in a pattern, yes, this would bother me. 

If I were in your shoes and this was the only time this type of comment happened, I would probably let it go. But a second time and I would have a pretty serious conversation.


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## margrace (Aug 12, 2012)

confusion, i don't know the particulars, so this is just my two cents:

i can't think of a situation that makes it okay for an adult man to comment like this about a 13-year-old girl.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

So, my wife is next to me, and we are looking at our daughter. She is 10 years old. She also has a booty on her (Yes, I said it).

My wife says to me 'Gosh, it takes 2 minutes after she walks through the door for her butt to catch up."

Using this logic, I should be worried that my wife is a pedophile. What nonsense.

Women would like to pretend that a) men are blind, b) that men never look at anything that is one year younger then 18 (because...you know...we all have built in age detectors...oh, sorry, we DON'T have built in age detectors).

So yes ladies, we see little hot 13, 14, and 15 year olds. Generally, we don't say anything because women get bent out of shape if we give ANY woman of legal age the eye, much less jail bait. Because saying a girl is hot is the same as saying "I want to spend the next 20 years being Bubba's ***** because I lack ALL self control and morals."

Now, your husband MAY be worrying. Only you can tell. But it's also an act of trust to be able to RATIONALLY discuss that yes, this or that person is a firecracker and might be a problem down the road. Do you want your daughter to hang around a girl who is a new Teen Single Mom In Training?

Only you can judge exactly how creepy he is being...but girls...please stop assuming we are blind and stupid and that every single man in the universe is a pedophile just WAITING to happen.


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## thatgirll007 (Dec 14, 2010)

Confusion, your H's comment would worry me, too. It would also be a major turn-off. I don't know the first thing about how you would approach this topic with him, though. 

I guess maybe wait to see when the opportunity arrives in the form of more inappropriate comments like this one and then express your concerns. But then where do you go from there?

In my eyes, it's one thing to see and acknowledge the burgeoning womanhood of a 13-year-old, to say, for example, "she's growing up well" or "she's going to have the boys lined up..." it's another to say, "she knows she's got a hot little body" to your W. 

Just, no.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

thatgirll007 said:


> Confusion, your H's comment would worry me, too. It would also be a major turn-off. I don't know the first thing about how you would approach this topic with him, though.
> 
> I guess maybe wait to see when the opportunity arrives in the form of more inappropriate comments like this one and then express your concerns. But then where do you go from there?
> 
> ...


A lack of class is one thing. To tar someone with latent pedophilia is another.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Benevolence said:


> Maybe she was acting over confident, shaking her money maker.. he could have been referring to that, but yeah not something I would ever say to describe a 13 year old... gross.


I agree....red flag imho.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatgirll007 (Dec 14, 2010)

JCD said:


> A lack of class is one thing. To tar someone with latent pedophilia is another.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think anyone on this thread has tarred him with latent pedophilia. I think we've all expressed the opinion that his words were icktastic.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

thatgirll007 said:


> I don't think anyone on this thread has tarred him with latent pedophilia. I think we've all expressed the opinion that his words were icktastic.


First, from his predilection of cheating and how young his wife was, yes, in THIS case it's worrying.

But that being said 'troubling' and 'worried' is a pretty strong implication. One isn't 'troubled' by a rude comment. Saying a man can't SAY something is pretty frigging arrogant. That you may or may not put him on your date list or not is another matter.

So I'm calling BS on this. A lot are implying he is one absent wife away from asking the 13 year old 'How are YOU dooiinnn...?"


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## thatgirll007 (Dec 14, 2010)

JCD said:


> First, from his predilection of cheating and how young his wife was, yes, in THIS case it's worrying.
> 
> But that being said 'troubling' and 'worried' is a pretty strong implication. One isn't 'troubled' by a rude comment. Saying a man can't SAY something is pretty frigging arrogant. That you may or may not put him on your date list or not is another matter.
> 
> So I'm calling BS on this. A lot are implying he is one absent wife away from asking the 13 year old 'How are YOU dooiinnn...?"


People can be "troubled" and "worried" by whatever they choose to be. A rude comment could trouble me, even if it doesn't trouble you. And nobody said what this man could or could not say. He can say anything he wants to.

I said what his words made _me _feel and think. And I get to think whatever I want to.

You're way too defensive here, by the way.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

confusionqueen said:


> my husband made a comment about my daughters friend *who will soon be 13 *his exact words were " she knows she has a hot little body " how do i react to this, he has cheated in the past with serveral women and i was only 16 when we met he was 20 and we have been together since but lately he has been watching a lot of porn we usually have sex 2-3 times a day but after his sudden comment he has been angry with me and uninterested! advice please!


She's 12, folks. _Twelve_.

Yeah, that's icky and creepy and skeevy. If the hubby is an icky, creepy, skeevy guy, then that's a huge red flag. 

If hubby is just an average guy who sometimes speaks before thinking, then while it's still an icky, creepy, skeevy thing to say, it wouldn't strike me as anything to really worry about.


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## dinazcolada (Oct 30, 2012)

I'm so sorry he said something like this to you. I was in a situation similar to this with a now ex-boyfriend (but she was at least an adult), and it was not a fun place to be. 

I think it's bizarre that he is mad at you for what he said. Please do not put the blame on yourself. What is said was totally inappropriate and I'm surprised that you are still interested in having sex. That's OK that you're not having sex 2-3 times a day.

You can say to him _*calmly*_ that you felt very uncomfortable about what he said and you would appreciate it if he did not talk about women like this with you. You don't need to discuss it for 2 hours. Say it and then be quiet. Let it sink in, so he can think about what he said. And watch if he keeps his trap shut now.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Real age is irrelevant to whether he has pedo tendencies or not. What did this teen look like. Was she a "could be older" teen or a "she must still be playing with dolls" childish looking teen? Does she have developed breasts, body curves? Or does she look like a little child?

His commentary was inappropriate but depending on how you answer the answer the questions above he can be an insensitive jerk or a real pedo. 

The only reason women don't listen to this kind of stuff more often is that men don't say it near you. If you spend time with men being a man yourself you would hear this (and much worse) regularly.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I don't care how hot that little 13 year old body is...a grown man should have the sense and control to keep his fricken mouth shut in cases like that. No built in age detector is needed to know that it is indeed 'icktastic' to make over-sexualised comments about young girls as such.

My friend's husband says stuff like this about his daughter's friends. Is he a pedo? No, he's just a frigging vulgar PIG. And I waste no time in telling him so when I hear him talking like that. I also thank my lucky stars he isn't my problem.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> I don't care how hot that little 13 year old body is...a grown man should have the sense and control to keep his fricken mouth shut in cases like that. No built in age detector is needed to know that it is indeed 'icktastic' to make over-sexualised comments about young girls as such.
> 
> My friend's husband says stuff like this about his daughter's friends. Is he a pedo? No, he's just a frigging vulgar PIG. And I waste no time in telling him so when I hear him talking like that. I also thank my lucky stars he isn't my problem.


I get the dirty look and disgusting pig comment every time I eye a female below the age of 35.


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## thatgirll007 (Dec 14, 2010)

I was a 13 year old girl with an overdeveloped body and I heard all kinds of things from men who were far too old for me and, in my opinion, old enough to know better.

And I have to tell you...it's not good. It doesn't feel good in any way, shape or form. It doesn't make you feel pretty or attractive. It makes you feel like an alien in your own body because these divets and curves have formed and you're not able to blend in with all of the other girls anymore.

You get called into the principal's office and asked not to jump rope during recess anymore. You get measured and strapped into clothes that you didn't even know existed. And you get stares and looks and things said to you that you are not ready to hear.

Sometimes, you act out because of that, you might start to dress in skimpy clothes, show off the things that it seems everyone cares about the most - or you hide in bulky sweaters and baggy jeans.

For awhile, you don't feel like yourself anymore and you really don't know who or what to trust. Let's hope and pray you have a support system in place that can nurture you.

Everyone should know - little girls are not objects, no matter how they might look. They are little girls. Give them a chance to grow up and become who they are.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ What the hell are you going on about?

Thats completely besides the point here. =/


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## thatgirll007 (Dec 14, 2010)

Kasler said:


> ^ What the hell are you going on about?
> 
> Thats completely besides the point here. =/


I just thought it was worth mentioning.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

You don't have sex 2-3 times a day unless he's unemployed.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

We need to know the context. Some 13 year olds have hot little bodies. If it was "she has a hot little body so we'd better be careful how she dresses when out with our son/daughter..." is one thing. "she has a hot little body. Would you mind dressing up like her next time we..."

Big difference.

I made a facebook post recently about a music video I watched. It had hot little chicks shaking it. It was meant to be sensual. My comment was mild. But in looking at it again, it is possible the girls were underage. They were selling sex. Was I a paedophile for noticing their butts? I got worried, but left the post there anyhow.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

BjornFree said:


> I get the dirty look and disgusting pig comment every time I eye a female below the age of 35.


QFT
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

This is what you get when you allow kids to dress and behave like ****s. 

People can call males pigs and perverts all they want, and perhaps they're right. But does that really matter? It is still the children who will suffer. 

People seem to be okay with evil as long as there's someone to blame for it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

margrace said:


> confusion, i don't know the particulars, so this is just my two cents:
> 
> i can't think of a situation that makes it okay for an adult man to comment like this about a 13-year-old girl.


I've known several girls that age who have discovered that their body gives them power and they start using that every young. I've said similar things about a couple of the friends my daughter had at that age. Their actions were very clear. One in particular scared the crap out of my two high school aged sons because of her antics.

Depending on the girls behavior, the comment might have been a an observation of her behavior... not an admiration of her body.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

thatgirll007 said:


> I was a 13 year old girl with an overdeveloped body and I heard all kinds of things from men who were far too old for me and, in my opinion, old enough to know better.
> 
> And I have to tell you...it's not good. It doesn't feel good in any way, shape or form. It doesn't make you feel pretty or attractive. It makes you feel like an alien in your own body because these divets and curves have formed and you're not able to blend in with all of the other girls anymore.
> 
> ...


You also get the very immature guys in your class popping your bra strap (in the back) when your in line for some school function. Thank goodness I was in school when a girl could still deck a guy who did something like that.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You also get the very immature guys in your class popping your bra strap (in the back) when your in line for some school function. Thank goodness I was in school when a girl could still deck a guy who did something like that.


i Totally remember that happening in high school. Wtf?!


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

WhiteMousse said:


> You don't have sex 2-3 times a day unless he's unemployed.


Hmmm, 9 hours at work today, 1 hour working out, and wifey is hinting that as soon as she's got some homework done we're going for #3.

Speak for yourself.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> i Totally remember that happening in high school. Wtf?!


Boys :rofl:


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Sorry, girls don't have a monopoly on feeling estranged by their bodies. Try having a trouser snake which constantly and at the time inexplicably decides to rear up at random times...like math class, gym, a wedding etc. certainly no tween girl would make mock about that and laugh...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AsTheStoryGoes (Oct 10, 2012)

Kasler said:


> ^ What the hell are you going on about?
> 
> Thats completely besides the point here. =/


She's obviously offering up the point of view of a young girl (I'm guessing herself) who had to deal with blatant stares and inappropriate comments from guys..probably but not limited to older men. Much like the 12 year old the OP is talking about.. I had to deal with the same crap when I was younger. I hadn't grown any lady balls yet and learned to stand up for myself.

Anyway, my husband describing one of my daughters' friends as having a "hot little body" would probably rub me the wrong way, too. It's hard because we don't know in what context he was making that comment.. however, I don't think his overall meaning was inappropriate. My first thought was that he might feel the friend could be a bad influence on your daughter. I had friends who "knew they had hot little bodies" and dressed in skimpy outfits all the time, and they were definitely a bad influence on me. I also felt more pressured to dress like them because that's what was "in". Anyway, he maaaaaybe could have worded it a little differently though.

Should you be worried? Depends..is he acting inappropriate and making comments like this all the time? If not..then I wouldn't worry, but maybe offer up some advice..describing a 12 year old as "having a hot little body" isn't such a great idea. lol


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

BjornFree said:


> I get the dirty look and disgusting pig comment every time I eye a female below the age of 35.


Ahhhh, then you need to learn the fine art of being discreet...I've never seen my husband check anyone out (while he's with me). He's very smart that way...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

It one thing to observe a little , YES I SAID LITTLE, girl developing into a woman.
Its quite another to start lusting after her as you would lust after a GROWN WOMAN.
Having breast and hips doesn't automatically transform a 13 yr old child into a twenty something sex siren.

For goodness sake,
Think with your _brains_ men.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

That's fine. But that means that you (the woman) is taking A comment without context and characterizing it as 'troubling' and 'worrisome' which, as I stated before, is pretty much code for 'don't let your daughter near EVER.' You are labeling this guy as 'too icky to date'. For saying something stupid.

So when you open your mouth and say something stupid and incredibly hurtful to your man, HE should look at is as not a stupid comment, but as a split second analysis of your character, your relationship and your potential future. He shouldn't care about the context and rationalizations you bring up later.

Likewise when a man likewise states that a girl who squirted out a kid out of wedlock or had a divorce is also not datable material. After all, actions speak louder than words. After all, I can, if I have no charity of spirit, look at that as a huge condemnation of her morals, judgement and fidelity.

Somehow, the shoe pinches when it's on the other foot.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> Hmmm, 9 hours at work today, 1 hour working out, and wifey is hinting that as soon as she's got some homework done we're going for #3.
> 
> Speak for yourself.


You do that every day? 

I'm not saying there aren't exceptions. I know for a fact there are; I'm one of them. But that's not really the point I'm making. 

The point is I don't know if the OP is being completely honest and we can't help them unless we have total candor and transparency.


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