# i guess it's over



## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

the kids and i came home from vacation today and ALL of chad's things were gone. i called and text him with no response. i talked to his brothers wife who was visiting his parents (that's where he's been staying since we separated 9 weeks ago) i told her to let him know i was coming over to get the house keys and his copy of my car key. when i got there, he was gone but had left the keys. i totally broke down. he hasn't said anything to his parents so they were shocked too. i don't understand what i did to deserve this, and how he can be so hurtful. i don't know what to do now. i was just getting to a point where i was ok. i asked him for no contact for 4 weeks prior to going on vacation, because i was getting frustrated with his lack of effort even though he said he wanted to work on things. now it appears that he is completely done. i feel so betrayed and heart broken. i feel like i've emotionally hit rock bottom.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

I don't know what to say nor do I know your story - I just want to let you know I read this and am so sorry.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

I too feel for you...I am so sorry. My ex left in a similar manner...and also left all financial responsibility. All of it. Oh, and he took the car which he isn't paying for. Don't know where he went. Won't call his own parents. Some guys are simply not men. I'm so sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

thank you. out of the blue he told me he wasn't happy and needed space. he went to stay at his parents but kept telling me he loved me and wanted to work on things. we spent some time together, but he wasn't really making any effort. i thought nc would make him miss me and realize he wanted to really try to work on us. guess that blew up in my face.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

the worst part is i'm not angry like i think i should be. i'm shocked and heart broken. if he called right now and apologized, i would take him back. how do i turn this helpless saddness into anger or indifference?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

lulubelle said:


> thank you. out of the blue he told me he wasn't happy and needed space. he went to stay at his parents but kept telling me he loved me and wanted to work on things. we spent some time together, but he wasn't really making any effort. i thought nc would make him miss me and realize he wanted to really try to work on us. guess that blew up in my face.


It didn't blow up in your face. NC is not about making them come back, though that can be a side effect, it is about taking control back for yourself, and helping you realize that you are your own person, and you can set your own boundaries, so I think you did it right, it just didn't give you the result you wanted, rather what you needed.

I know you love him, but he is not worth it anymore. Try to hang in there. It does get better, but it is going to take time, and we are here for you ok?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

lulubelle said:


> the worst part is i'm not angry like i think i should be. i'm shocked and heart broken. if he called right now and apologized, i would take him back. how do i turn this helpless saddness into anger or indifference?


You don't need to be angry right now. That time will come, and believe me when it does, it will feel sooo good, but you are not there yet. Don't place such heavy expectations on yourself. Shocked and heartbroken seems totally reasonable to me. Let yourself feel the pain, it's the only way you will be able to move on.

I wish I could tell you how you can turn the sadness into anger and then indifference, I really do, but you will know how to do it for yourself when you are ready.

If he calls right now, and apologizes you had better not take him back! THis is a serious issue, and it has to take way more than an apology, or he will keep doing this sh1t to you, and you are not his doormat! You are worth more than that! Seriously...

Cry, rant and rage all you want here, and I know at least one person, well a lot of people really, who will be listening.

We're here for you, and don't forget that ok?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Big hugs.


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

lulubelle said:


> thank you. out of the blue he told me he wasn't happy and needed space. he went to stay at his parents but kept telling me he loved me and wanted to work on things. we spent some time together, but he wasn't really making any effort. i thought nc would make him miss me and realize he wanted to really try to work on us. guess that blew up in my face.


For now.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

thanks so much sam and everyone else. he still hasn't tried to contact. i'm feeling ok, but still in shock. i'm trying to stay busy with friends and the kids as much as possible. i guess if anything, the way he's choosing to act has shown me he is very immature and hurtful, and i don't want to be with somebody like that. i still haven't told the kids. they think he's working out of town. i want to wait until i feel a little stronger before i drop that bomb on them.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

lulubelle said:


> thanks so much sam and everyone else. he still hasn't tried to contact. i'm feeling ok, but still in shock. i'm trying to stay busy with friends and the kids as much as possible. i guess if anything, the way he's choosing to act has shown me he is very immature and hurtful, and i don't want to be with somebody like that. i still haven't told the kids. they think he's working out of town. i want to wait until i feel a little stronger before i drop that bomb on them.


Try to let his behaviour help build your strength. It is going to be awful when you tell the kids, but don't set any expectations for yourself in how you should feel. 

Everything your husband did will be bearing down on you already, and then you are going to have to deal with the confusion and hurt this will cause the children you love. They will probably have a lot of tough questions for you to answer.

Just try to keep in mind, and maybe you can draw some strength from this, but try to remember that no matter how disillusioned with this marriage he is, that he is the one doing this to your kids. He is the one causing the pain and hurt you are going to have to deal with. 

No matter what your contributions to the failure of your marriage were, he is the one who ran away and left you to deal with the mess this is going to cause your kids.

Rather than being a man and father to your children, and help them understand and cope, to be there to provide comfort to them, to be strong for them, he chose to run away. HE DID THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR BABIES!

there...is that enough to start making you angry?

It's going to be tough. Hang in there!


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

thank you again sam! your posts help so much. if you lived closer, i'd take you out for a beer


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