# Can't sleep



## wheresthelove (Dec 21, 2008)

Sleep deprivation has played an ugly role in my life. My husband has used it as a tool to get what he wants from me for many years. Some of you may know our story which took place right on these forums. The abuse has stopped and he is no longer responsible for my inability to sleep sometimes as far as I'm aware. I also have sleep apnea. I am the type if person who can go to sleep the second my head hits the pillow. I have been doing some research go get to the bottom of why I can't sleep well. 

For what seems a long time now I have felt haunted at night time. I don't know if it's just stress, spiritual, or what. All I know is that I feel, see, and sometimes hear a disturbing presence. Once I feel frightened I have trouble falling back to sleep. My defenses are up and it is my duty to remain vigilant so my children and husband stay safe through the night and are protected from what ever is haunting me. I fear for my own safety as well. One night I put my sleep apnea mask on and woke up to myself standing at the foot of my bed screaming at the top of my lungs one of those horror movie screams. I was flailing my arms wildly trying to hit what ever it was that was breathing just inches from my face. My screams woke me up. I terrified my husband. Thankfully didn't wake my children up. I immediately started apologizing for my bizzare behavior. I was confused, disoriented and terrified. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I couldn't fall back to sleep until morning. I am affraid to wear my mask because if this incident. This only happened one time. 

Since revealing our marital problems I have stopped avoiding my husband and for about 2 weeks or more have not waited for him to go to sleep before coming to bed. My main problem now is it seems I am startled awake around 3 am every night. From there I hear noises of movement. Like the creak in the hallway that is only audible when someone heavy walks on it and it is so large it can't be stepped over. My toddlers are too light to make the hall creak. I sit up looking out my bedroom door most of the night looking for what is making the noise. Sometimes I can swear I can see someone standing outside my door with their back to the wall peeking in my room. When I call out to it to go away it dissapears, leaving me with a feeling of being haunted. The past two nights my toddlers woke up around 3 am crying. This morning I let them cuddle up with us in our bed for a while but realized there was no way I was going to get any sleep. We put them back to bed. An hour goes by and I'm still awake after hardly sleeping the night before. As I lay here unable to stop my mind from spinning what seems like thousands of thoughts about my marriage I suddenly hear a buzzing sound. Which then turns into a humming sound. It almost sounded like a cell phone ringing that was set to vibrate only except this turned into a melodic humming. Then it would stop. Then I'd hear it again. A long strand of melodic humming. It wasn't my children. Frieghtened I went to the living room where my phone was charging on my iHome. It was set to silent but no missed calls or text messages. I was concerned maybe my father on the east coast was trying to call me. 

Heart racing I made it back to my room. I'm soo tired my skin hurts. I feel like I'm going crazy. Half jokingly told my husband to committ me. I used my phone to access the Internet and went researching my problem. What I found is on going sleep deprivation coupled with obstructive sleep apnea, hypo thyrroidism, and something else which I suddenly can't remember all lead to hallucinations and psychosis. One site describes a feeling of temporary insanity. I'm definitely am beginning to feel insane. I'm tired all day long and am getting about 3-4 hours of sleep a night or so. I know I need counseling to deal with the years of abuse and depression. I can't stop whatever it is that is scaring me awake which seems to be myself? I just needed an outlet to vent. Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I think you're experiencing signs of stress and/or depression. Waking earlier than normal sometimes goes with depression.

I know $$ is tight, but get to a doctor. You're probably going to need some meds to get through this period. Even though things are better, you're still under a lot of stress. There's a lot to deal with and think about and it isn't easy trying to figure out what "normal" looks or feels like. It isn't easy rewriting the entire dynamic of your relationship after so long.

Do you feel tired during the day? Maybe nap if you do. Eat well. Try to get some fresh air and exercise. 

{{{{hugs}}}}


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Sorry, I haven't read your other posts, so I don't know the severity of your marital problems. I also experience a lot of sleep terrors almost every night for many years. I feel I am dreaming with my eyes open. I see the ceiling fan as a horrible monster, or the dresser flashing weird lights. I don't think I am psychotic, just do funny things in my sleep (walk, talk, scream, etc.) When my mind is preoccupied with a huge problem, I can't fall asleep at all, and if the problem persists for days, I begin to feel like my day is surreal, hypersensitve. Have you tried a sleeping pill? I like using Tylenol PM or some other drowsy formula over the counter med. Good luck.


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