# Bleach my eyes!



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Did I happen to mention that I wish I didnt have to see the ex as much? Thinking I was going to have to anyways, and well, because of having a kid and all, the requirement of being so often in contact seemed at first prudent... I bit my tongue and smiled and carried on like we were just two people. How FAKE I can be, sometimes. "Being true to thineself" has never been less appropriate.

I guess the way it all went down hasnt provided any room to really "be" away long enough.. I admit I wasnt ready for her to be getting ready for dates while I was still living there in the marital home, then being pushed to hurry up and get out and see her move dooshbagger OM in three months later. Having a kid and having to maintain her routine, with school and daycare and all that never seemed to provide ME time to heal, before seeing the ex move on with another man. It is more like I am having to "heal on the fly", and it does sometimes seem extraordinary. I think this is why at times like yesterday when I went to pick up my daughter from the old house, and see the dooshbag's welcome mat at the front door, and all his sh!t (cheap vinyl black couches, and crappy furniture) spilling out of the open garage STILL had a barb to it. I halfway wondered if the ex purposely left the garage open, and put his sh!tty welcome mat at the front door to cause that very reaction from me. Who cares.
Ive never seen anyone put so much effort into the appearance of something, to suit their own need for it to *be* right. OH wait a minute, yeah I did, my whole marriage to her.

He's never there when I go over there. I guess that time is going to eventually come, and if I shake his hand in greeting it will hardly mask the overwhelming desire to bust his asss,, you know just to reclaim my pride. 
I wonder if the ex is keeping him away for a reason. Does he sneak away in the morning before I get there? Who knows. I care less about that dude, and I sentence him to a lifetime of sorrow, not just nuisance, but longsuffering...as will be the case with anyone involved with my ex. 

She can revel in his sh!tty furniture and skid marked underwear. 
The guy doesnt compare on any level with me, as a man, as a provider, as a caretaker, as a father or husband. Its sickening to see her give so miuch slack to a loser, when attempting to be her husband and dealing with her bullsh!t was more work than any marriage should have ever been. Again, the guy can do no wrong, as its her PURPOSE to ensure within her own mind that her decisions and actions were right in her mind... 
That action alone, the very need to present it as such, is indicative of a deep lack of belief in it. 
Even to betray her own self, her own logic, the very accusations she had against me that is the make up of his entire personality. Its fking sickening and nonsense. 

I guess only I will ever know the extent that I went to keep my kids life as normal as I could through all this. Being in constant contact like this with the ex, is a hell I'd wish on no one, and to see them act and defend themselves in the very face of reality doesnt foster a healthy transition into "moving on". 
Doing so, "on the fly" like it seems I have had to, must have some purpose to it, to why it was this way as opposed to a cut all ties type of ordeal, which would have been preferable. 
I guess all I can do is to try to minimize exposure, which makes me seem like I havent moved on "enough" if it still bothers me. Which if you try to talk to others about, is their first insulting piece of advice. Thank you Dr. Obvious.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If/when you meet him, make sure to shake his hand with a grin and thank him for freeing you from your ex.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

It really does help to do this. Whenever I've had to see STBXHs GF (who I knew and was friendly with before we split), I find myself smirking at her. I am thinking "Honey, you have NO f-ing idea what you signed yourself up for!" It makes me feel a lot better than focusing on how much I miss what I had when I see them together.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

angelpixie said:


> It really does help to do this. Whenever I've had to see STBXHs GF (who I knew and was friendly with before we split), I find myself smirking at her. I am thinking "Honey, you have NO f-ing idea what you signed yourself up for!" It makes me feel a lot better than focusing on how much I miss what I had when I see them together.


yeah... this weekend was a little emotionally tough for me - if you remember my thread a couple weeks ago, about my ex wanted her new BF to meet my son on my weekend with and when I refused she said I had to consent to my son being there when this guy has overnight visits and I adamantly refused. So I had my son this past weekend and she had her BF in town, she wanted time with son on mother's day, and I won't refuse that she does love him so she took him out for awhile, but I was very troubled knowing she got to spend her day with her "two favorite boys" knowing that I have been replaced in the role as one of those.

It's not even that I want that role with her, just hard to accept my son spending time with mommy and her new man. I hope and assume that she followed our agreement to not have displays of affection with this guy, but even just the fact that they arrived to drop my son back off in his car instead of hers triggered all kinds of anger and grief.

This new guy wasn't her AP, we were clearly separated and awaiting divorce paperwork when she started dating him, and for all I know he is probably a fun decent guy, I assume with some traits that are much more appealing to her than what I used to offer - but its not him that's the issue it's her and her bad morals. I almost feel sorry for the guy in a way, and was thinking to myself how he is settling for my leftovers, kind of made me feel better feeling like no matter how awesome this guy is, he will never be the father of my child nor if things go well with her relationship to him will he ever get to have a child with her because my ex chose unilaterally to have a tubal ligation a few years ago - so no kids for him...


----------



## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Shoo,

Think about how far you have come since the times when you were in the house and she was leaving on a date. Meeting this guy is just one more small step on the journey your on.

I am really surprised about how fast she has moved a guy into the house but what I think is irrelavent. I have followed your posts, I beleive from the beginning, and beleive you ahve made great progress working on yourself amd she appears to be just sweeping issues/trouble under the rug which will likely raise its ugly head again.

Shake his hand when you see him and leave it at that. No need for idle chit chat he probably doesn't want the encounter to happen any more than yourself. 

take care,

Shoeguy


----------



## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Shoo, this one gets to me tonight. I can really feel for you and the emotions you're experiencing. I'm so sorry man. I tried to talk to some friends tonight b/c I'm suffering like you and nobody seems to get it. Of course friends are wonderful but this is a personal struggle for us. You're talking about what I'm feeling. The fact that our well being is non-existent but yet we must go on for our kids and show them we are happy. Even telling them that they have a wonderful mommy. I'm sorry man, so sorry. This is so much worse than anything I've ever felt or experienced before.

My stbxw is on "weekend vacation" with her friends this weekend. She is in a big city posting photos of the fun she's having. I do not know this woman yet I miss her so badly. I have to see her all the time too and that is awful. I wish i could walk away, never see her again. I don't know shoo, it's awful.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Shoo,

Look the turd in the eye and tell him, "if she'll cheat with you, the tramp will cheat on you." Then smile a cold smile.


----------



## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

I looked @ it like this~Her new BF is going to be around my kids, I wanna make damn sure he's an ok guy!! My oldest son has a Tazer and is NOT afraid to use it!! 
Mouse


----------



## cryin (Feb 15, 2012)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Did I happen to mention that I wish I didnt have to see the ex as much? Thinking I was going to have to anyways, and well, because of having a kid and all, the requirement of being so often in contact seemed at first prudent... I bit my tongue and smiled and carried on like we were just two people. How FAKE I can be, sometimes. "Being true to thineself" has never been less appropriate.
> 
> I guess the way it all went down hasnt provided any room to really "be" away long enough.. I admit I wasnt ready for her to be getting ready for dates while I was still living there in the marital home, then being pushed to hurry up and get out and see her move dooshbagger OM in three months later. Having a kid and having to maintain her routine, with school and daycare and all that never seemed to provide ME time to heal, before seeing the ex move on with another man. It is more like I am having to "heal on the fly", and it does sometimes seem extraordinary. I think this is why at times like yesterday when I went to pick up my daughter from the old house, and see the dooshbag's welcome mat at the front door, and all his sh!t (cheap vinyl black couches, and crappy furniture) spilling out of the open garage STILL had a barb to it. I halfway wondered if the ex purposely left the garage open, and put his sh!tty welcome mat at the front door to cause that very reaction from me. Who cares.
> Ive never seen anyone put so much effort into the appearance of something, to suit their own need for it to *be* right. OH wait a minute, yeah I did, my whole marriage to her.
> ...


I know exactly how you feel regarding seeing the exw. I have to see mine daily during pickup & drop off. Thing that bothers me is it's like she tries to stand around and talk during pick ups at my place when there really isn't anything to discuss regarding the kids. Lurking in the doorway looking for a reason to come inside. Nothing that 60 seconds of talk can't take care of. 

Today I went to my kids school for a thing and I had the toddler with me and she put her hand up to sit next to her and it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was hoping I would be able to get in and sit in the back without having to sit or talk to her. She called me "honey" for a second time since our D and she is remarried.
WTF : I don't think she has a clue or really acknowledges what she has done and is living in a deluded fantasy.


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Looks like your post was very cathartic. I hope venting made you feel a little bit better. 

Do you really have to shake his hand? That is such a friendly and polite gesture. It doesn't seem like this man is worth that.

I would just say "Hello" and go on about my business. Saying anything about the cheating will just show that you are wounded. Don't give him the satisfaction.


----------



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Just another one of those provoking days where you see something of the ex having moved on and having a semblance of a life and I guess perhaps Im both jealous of that, and still resentful at the carelessness and coldness with which she carried out the exit plan.

I have no idea if its considered healthy, and probably not, but one of the things that curtails this recurring sense of longing for that old life is remembering some of the bad things shes done. LOL, that sucks, but its all I got. 
And the picture of opening the bathroom door at a party with your wife and some other guy in there, is however, very convincing.
That puts an edge to the counter-thought, and annihilates any tender missives.
It is I believe, an exaggerated difficulty, not being able to spend enough time away from the person who hurt you, to heal. The requirements of the parenting never allowed adequate time, and Ive seen things I would rather not. Of course, no one could have ever expected that my ex's new b/f would live across the street from my new house, and that I would see her car over there for the first month that I moved in. Talk about slap to the face..
But now hes at my old house, and I dont have to see them together.
At some point I am going to have to accept the situation regardless of my contempt for her and it. And contempt it is!
That doesnt stem from a deep rooted desire to return to the marriage and the life the way it was, it stems from the shock and awe of realizing what I am left with, and how scattered my life was directly following.
Now that Ive centered, have lived in my own house for awhile, formed routines, and know that my kid is just fine, I am beginning to focus on me more. 
It was all just the continued mixing in of seeing my ex and her life as it progressed, all while still trying to heal from the divorce and the way it went down. 
It made progress difficult, becuase I had to witness new developments after just having gotten over the last subsequent piercing blade of her obtaining her fantasy life at any expense.

You know what though? I'm fkin good today. I feel good, my car is getting fixed and I have the $$ to pay for it. I am taking my time and laying my new foundation after forming each brick myself, and carefully shaping it into a solid footing. 
It will take longer, but it will last forever.


----------

