# 2 different levels of sex drive



## JLynnMann (Apr 6, 2011)

Sorry for the title but I couldn't think of another way to say this... 

My husband and I have been married less than a year but have been together going on 4 years now as a couple. We have 2 children together and a 3rd on the way.

When we have sex, it is always good for both of us and that isn't the issue we are having. I am in my early 30's and he in his late 20's/almost 30's. I have always had a fairly high sex drive compared to my female friends but since hitting 30 my sex drive has increased quite a bit.

I am fairly attractive although since becoming pregnant have, of course, gained some weight. He used to chase after me like crazy and we were sexually active everyday and often 2 times a day. 
Now, though, I feel lucky if we have sex once a week. I do realize this may still sound like we are having sex often to some but compared to before we aren't having it nearly as often.
I have asked and have stated my needs and desires to him often and many times it seems he is annoyed with me. I asked him today if we could make time for some lovin' later and he said "I might be able to take care of you later."

I don't know if this is just me but I feel like when he makes comments like this that he is doing it to keep me quiet. Somewhat like sympathy sex....
I probably shouldn't feel this way. After all we had intercourse 5 days ago but I want him to REALLY want me. 
I have been daring. I have been very forward with all my wants and desires. I have quite literally picked him up from work in dress... commando style 2 days ago (If this isn't appropiate feel free to censor this). Nothing happened- nothing at all. He came home and watched tv. 

Being pregnant I am already feeling somewhat like a beached whale and then to have my husband basically shoot me down has been a tremendous blow to my self esteem. 
I don't know how to cope with this. I feel I'm probably being sort of unreasonable and maybe my sex drive is becoming a problem with him anyway.
My girlfriends mostly think I'm nuts because they and their spouses have sex less often and they are satisfied with that arrangement. I sometimes wish I were more like that.

Does anyone else have this problem or is myself and my sex drive all to blame here? Am I being an unreasonable and irrational jerk for the feelings I have? 
This is my first post and I'm sorry it is about this issue and not an intro but I am pretty upset about this issue. Thanks for listening/reading.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Some men can be freaked out by sex with a pregnant woman but you would have come across that already what with 2 other children. Or maybe it's just frayed out nerves. 3 kids before 30 can be stressful even for a mere male. I really don't know. You should ask him about this directly, gently, calmly. Maybe suggest a different way to have sex or some different position? Perhaps he's not comfortable with the old ways, whatever they were.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

JLynnMann said:


> Does anyone else have this problem or is myself and my sex drive all to blame here? Am I being an unreasonable and irrational jerk for the feelings I have?
> This is my first post and I'm sorry it is about this issue and not an intro but I am pretty upset about this issue. Thanks for listening/reading.


I think your hormones are VERY NORMAL, so not a problem there. I always had a HIGHER sex drive when I was pregnant, if you are carrying boys, it might even be higher than if a girl, due to the testosterone circulating. 

Also if you are feeling rejected by his ho hum reactions, any wanting wife would feel the same. It sounds like you have talked to him about it and things have not improved. 

Was it THIS way with the last 2 pregnancies also or something has changed ?


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I think you need to find out the real reason he isn't as interested in you. 

This isn't uncommon for couples, and sex can fall into a lot of traps.

Does he not want to hurt you and the baby?
Is he less attracted because of the weight?
Is something stressful in his life? Is he nervous about $$ after the new kid?
Find out what changed?
Is he feeling smothered (temperature of the marriage)?

Either way, sometimes we have to suck it up and have sex with our spouse when they need it. Its a hard lesson to learn, but he has to learn it for himself.

Do not think you should have less sex and that would make you happy.

You might want to try a one session marriage counseling. See is someone not involved can get him to open up. Maybe he doesn't feel safe opening up to you or saying something hurtfull like he doesn't find you as attractive right now. Guilt like that can really hurt a person (both him and you).

Also, once people start arguing about sex, it becomes harder to do too. He doesn't want to bring it up to start a fight/hurt you?


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