# Poll: Top female love language



## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Poll: Top female love language


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Wouldn't a more accurate assessment be just to ask them to list their love languages in order of priority? "Top" is not the same as "high on their list".


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Very much looking forward to female respondence. For men to often women are a enigma wrapped inna mystery.


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## Tippy (Dec 21, 2015)

For me everything starts and ends with words so you can guess that my top choice is Words of Affirmation. It sets the tone and gets the ball rolling for everything else. Also, it can still be used when the man is not in my presence such as through phone calls and etc.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*TIME* & *TOUCH* in a dead heat with each other....I long for affection... love to give it...and to spend time with my Guy... 

*Acts of Service* & *Gifts* completely at the bottom... *Words* coming in at #3.. 

My husband's is in the same order...a little higher in touch over me.. and a digit or 2 higher in Acts of service .. 

Test here > Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages®


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I'm very much about quality time. Mr Giro travels frequently, but almost all of his time home is spent with me. Love doing things together. Acts of service is second, they don't happen very often but when they do I really appreciate it.. Gifts are almost a turn off I dislike them so much. Too much touch can feel smothering. Words of affirmation feel fake and cheesy to me.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I selected physical touch in the poll, but that's really a tie with quality time. Both are hugely important to me. I pretty much always like to be touching, some of which should be affectionate, but some should also sexual, because I like to stay primed and ready to go (I'm HD, obviously). And in terms of quality time, it's pretty easy: when we are together, we're focusing on one another--no phones, no tv, no computers. Time together is talking and/or doing activities together and making new shared memories. (Cleaning together /= quality time.)

ETA: Acts of service will actually make me feel guilty, unless it's something I've specifically asked for. If you do ALL the dishes, or all the laundry, or something like that--something that was either my responsibility, or do all of something that we've each previously agreed to do half--it makes me feel like you're saying, you don't do a good enough job or your being lazy, so I guess I have to do it myself.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

GIFTS....THE MORE EXPENSIVE, THE BETTER. lol just kidding! 

Words of affirmation, personally...it means a lot to hear how my fiance feels about me and our relationship.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Personally, I think people's love languages are influenced by what they are or are not getting in their current relationship.

For example: if a woman gets no compliments/praise from her partner whatsoever, she may have "words of affirmation" pretty high on her list, but if she were getting them frequently but felt her partner never did anything for her, maybe "acts of service" might move to the top.

Therefore, I think that a poll like this would get a variety of responses based not just on people's preferences, but on the state of their current relationship, which means the results won't really mean anything at all.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

breeze said:


> Personally, I think people's love languages are influenced by what they are or are not getting in their current relationship.
> 
> For example: if a woman gets no compliments/praise from her partner whatsoever, she may have "words of affirmation" pretty high on her list, but if she were getting them frequently but felt her partner never did anything for her, maybe "acts of service" might move to the top.
> 
> Therefore, I think that a poll like this would get a variety of responses based not just on people's preferences, but on the state of their current relationship, which means the results won't really mean anything at all.


Yes and no but I see what you mean.

If I think about it from a personal POV then my LLs have never really changed and I have been in polar opposite types of relationships.

Whether in a sexually functional or dysfunctional relationship my LL is still touch.
Gifts have always been on the bottom of my list.

Acts of service always been neutral.
Words of affirmations was not a priority when I was in a relationship where that didn't happen but now I am with a man that compliments me every single day then WOA are very important to me, sort of the opposite of what you are suggesting.

We are all different.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

breeze said:


> Personally, I think people's love languages are influenced by what they are or are not getting in their current relationship.
> 
> For example: if a woman gets no compliments/praise from her partner whatsoever, she may have "words of affirmation" pretty high on her list, but if she were getting them frequently but felt her partner never did anything for her, maybe "acts of service" might move to the top.
> 
> Therefore, I think that a poll like this would get a variety of responses based not just on people's preferences, but on the state of their current relationship, which means the results won't really mean anything at all.


I see what you are saying too....

But I look at this more like Holland does.... Myself & Husband are very high in the same love languages.. I KNOW this is why we work so well..... it's very comforting to both of us.. there is no push & pull trying to get more of this or that.. we both love to cuddle up watching movies , his hands through my hair the whole time, or up & down my arms... he's always been this way.. I've always loved loved loved it...my hands on are him too... In reality.. I consider myself rather spoiled..

Once I asked him if I was gone what he would miss most.. his reply was my liveliness.. I told him I'd miss his touch the most..

When I read of others saying too much affection is "smothering"... I would know such a man would never be my type...we'd bulk heads for sure.....

The acts of service.. I really don't care about at all.... sure its great if he runs to the store for me or helps me plant a garden (for example) ...but this just isn't something that makes me feel all giddy inside.. it's just a nice thing.. helpful... those sorts of things would *never satisfy me *without spending time with me or lots of affection..


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> ETA: Acts of service will actually make me feel guilty, unless it's something I've specifically asked for. If you do ALL the dishes, or all the laundry, or something like that--something that was either my responsibility, or do all of something that we've each previously agreed to do half--it makes me feel like you're saying, you don't do a good enough job or your being lazy, so I guess I have to do it myself.


Yes..THIS is me as well.

I'm a gifts person....


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Hands down, acts of service.

If you take out the trash or do something I don't have to do, I think you're as great as sliced bread. :grin2:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

It's hard for me to choose. They all kinda go hand-in-hand to me...gifts without words or physical affection would be meaningless...words without acts and physical affection would be meaningless...physical affection without quality time or words would make me feel used...and so on...


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## ihatethis (Oct 17, 2013)

My top two are Physical Touch & Words of Affirmation!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

intheory said:


> I agree. ^^^^
> 
> 
> *But mine is touch. Physical affection is an affirmation of love, the time it takes up is quality time. I consider it a gift and an act of service.*


Oh, so much of all THIS. Really good physical affection can wrap up all five love languages in one very nice package. :wink2: :grin2:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

FeministInPink said:


> ETA: *Acts of service will actually make me feel guilty, unless it's something I've specifically asked for. If you do ALL the dishes, or all the laundry, or something like that--something that was either my responsibility, or do all of something that we've each previously agreed to do half--it makes me feel like you're saying, you don't do a good enough job or your being lazy, so I guess I have to do it myself.*





CatJayBird said:


> *Yes..THIS is me as well.*


Me Three... in all the years I have been here.. all the love languages discussions, I've never heard anyone lay it out there like this.. but Yes... I would feel this too @FeministInPink 

I just don't need him to DO my stuff... if I see my husband reaching for something I expect of myself .. I would think he is not pleased with HOW I do it.. and yeah.. that means I am slacking.. not living up to my own expectations.. *therefore some guilt*... 

I have called myself a lazy bum before him if I didn't have dinner that day & we ate pancakes for supper...or I didn't get to something I normally do.. 

He's always graceful , doesn't really care, as this is not the norm.. but if it became the norm.. and suddenly he started helping/ doing for me on a regular basis (these household chores I always did)... I wouldn't feel good about that...

It's not something I feel "loved" by, or all warm inside.. if I was sick.. I know he's take over ...and I'd be appreciative.. but otherwise.. all I would get out of this was....
>" I am slacking... Snap to it woman!" 

Interesting observation...


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I like acts of service, maybe because I'm on my own very frequently. I'm in charge of everything five days a week. So if anybody pitches in without me asking or assigning chores, it really makes me feel appreciated, like somebody notices how hard I work to keep everything running smoothly. Maybe it wouldn't matter as much if there was somebody helping all the time. 

I think these love languages can depend somewhat on your situation in life. It seems logical that time and assistance are high on my list because they are the hardest to come by for us.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I voted for Acts of Service, but by that, I don't mean someone doing 50% of the chores around the house and yard - that's just what someone who shares a household with you should do when you both work full time outside the home or one of you works full time inside the home raising one or more children.

I mean that it's important to me to feel like I matter to my partner, and he can show me that by accompanying me to the pediatrician with our child when he or she is sick and he's not working (my ex never did this, not even once that I can remember), accompanying me to visit my family out of state (he did this in the early years, I guess because he felt like he had to, although I never insisted on it, then stopped about 10 years in), going with me once in a while to my friends' parties, like I went with him to his, even calling me from a store to say, "I'm at Target - do you need anything?" He also never called or texted me (or his son) from outside the country on all his many trips over the years - not once, even when I thought our marriage was solid and everything was good in the bedroom - yet he texted the OW multiple times per day from Ecuador and Brazil and Europe, I came to find, just to say hello and tell her he loved her.

So I just proved that point - that we want most what we don't have. Maybe I should call it Quality Time with him that was lacking - when someone matters to you, you just want to spend more time with them doing quality things.

Or maybe what I'm really looking for here is Acts of Affirmation. I lived for 27 years with someone I came to realize is a pathological liar. Words don't mean much to me anymore. Actions mean everything.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> I selected physical touch in the poll, but that's really a tie with quality time. Both are hugely important to me. I pretty much always like to be touching, some of which should be affectionate, but some should also sexual, because I like to stay primed and ready to go (I'm HD, obviously). And in terms of quality time, it's pretty easy: when we are together, we're focusing on one another--no phones, no tv, no computers. Time together is talking and/or doing activities together and making new shared memories. (Cleaning together /= quality time.)
> 
> ETA: Acts of service will actually make me feel guilty, unless it's something I've specifically asked for. If you do ALL the dishes, or all the laundry, or something like that--something that was either my responsibility, or do all of something that we've each previously agreed to do half--it makes me feel like you're saying, you don't do a good enough job or your being lazy, so I guess I have to do it myself.


if i were to post my feelings, they would be eerily similar. I also selected physical touch, but without quality time it loses it's appeal.

exactly the same about acts of service. no thanks.


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## beatricecat (Jan 13, 2016)

Time, touch, affirmation, service, in that order. Honestly I couldn't give a crap about physical gifts.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

breeze said:


> Personally, I think people's love languages are influenced by what they are or are not getting in their current relationship.
> 
> For example: if a woman gets no compliments/praise from her partner whatsoever, she may have "words of affirmation" pretty high on her list, but if she were getting them frequently but felt her partner never did anything for her, maybe "acts of service" might move to the top.
> 
> Therefore, I think that a poll like this would get a variety of responses based not just on people's preferences, but on the state of their current relationship, which means the results won't really mean anything at all.


^^^I believe there is a lot of validity to this theory as applied to certain personality types. I also think it is possible for people's preferences to change with age and life experience. 

I must admit that in the aftermath of my divorce, I'm still confused. I honestly think I covered all the Love Languages pretty well. Because XWW was never good at communicating want she needed, I tried to do everything and hope that some of my efforts would hit the sweet spot. The only thing her OP gave her were compliments...and an STD, but that's a different subject. If words were indeed her love language, I more that had that covered but in her warped mind, his words were somehow valid and mine were not because he had nothing to gain by them? She even responded to my compliments and words of affirmation many times by saying "you have to say that...I'm your wife".

How do you reason with that?


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Currently, I am tied with Physical touch and Quality time.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> Hands down, acts of service.
> 
> If you take out the trash or do something I don't have to do, I think you're as great as sliced bread. :grin2:


my ex used to just assume that if someone did that they wanted to do it then would complain when it wasn't done, and would always criticise about job not done perfect (on her timing, schedule, early, late)...and gods forbid that it be seen as a nicety or that someone would expect a "thanks" or hug in return. Any attempt to help was an immediate threat to her control/life/order and interference was mandatory and faced immediate retailation, but to receive recognition?? By the powers that was simply unacceptable - she didn't get thanks (she did, lots) so how _dare_ you even expect curtesy for your invasion of Iraq and afganistan....


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

The scale for me:

1. Quality Time
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2. Acts of Service
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3. Words
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4. Touch
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Gifts.

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


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## lizzye (Dec 11, 2015)

Mine are definitely Physical Touch + Words of Affirmation


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Qualtiy Time & Physical Touch


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Physical Touch is an easy #1 for me. 

I love and need a lot of physical touch. Every night my husband and I are curled up on the couch together cuddling, which I love. It makes me so happy.


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## mjgh06 (Feb 27, 2016)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages®



I thought I was a Quality Time type, but as I have come to know myself better, I am a Physical Touch and Acts of Service type. Quality Time and Receiving Gifts is at the bottom of my need list.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

kag123 said:


> The scale for me:
> 
> 1. Quality Time
> .
> ...


Ditto. 1-3 lead up to 4 and 5 is the icing on the cake!


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Not sure if mine fits the bill bit I like when my husband is emotionally available but me. I like he m showing tjud by taking interest when I am talking, asking me questions, and showing he cares in some way.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

For Mrs.CuddleBug its Acts of Service rating 12 followed by quality time.


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