# Just told she's moving out



## Fizzy (Jun 19, 2012)

I'm a few shots down atm, but I needed to unload on someone and no one else is away atm. Please bear with me.

We were married in 1999, after a short engagement. We had met online. I lived in CA, she in SC. In the intervening years, she moved to CA, we had a kid, her job moved to TN in 2006 so I quit my job and we moved. Since then I've taken care of hearth and home until the birth of our 2nd child in 2008, then I became her full-time caregiver.

On or around 2005 or so she asked to sleep with someone we both knew from a game we all played online, and who lived a few hundred miles upstate. I was caught flat-footed, but I've always been the Passive in our relationship, and I discovered that I was open to this. So they had their little fling and I thought that was it.

When her job moved from CA to Tn, with a really nice relocation package, I quit my modest 30k a year job and we moved to Nashville.

About 6 months after out move I find that he's moving his family out here. He lived with us for a few months while his house is being built right behind ours. It really just goth thrust onto me, the whole situation. It was only supposed to be temporary, but now suddenly I found myself in a really awkward situation, with him and his family (wife and three boys) moving behind us, and the relationship continued. I guess it was with my approval since I never put a stop to it, but I allowed him to usurp my role as the emotional support for my wife.

So this went on for a few years. He'd been married for over 20 years and while they were here they had another child (apparently against his desires). He got involved with another woman in our group of friends (who was unhappily married), and they got together exclusively (although he wanted to continue with my wife, but the woman he met wanted an exclusive relationship, which through a miscommunication he thought my wife was fine with but in actuality wasn't.

Are ya keeping up?

So I had to deal with their breakup (and he was the only male friend I had out here).

Now she tells me she hasn't been happy for awhile. We have two kids together (4 and 11) and she has one who is 21 and is currently at collage. I'm distraught, and now have to find a job, and figure out how to deal with the fact that the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with is moving out of the house and home we built together.

Going to go pass out now. Glad I could entertainl


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Fizzy,

While I feel for all that you've been through, you know that you are the one who opebned Pandora's box years ago when you opened up your marriage. Hopefully you've learned from this experience that you can't be passive in your next relationship.

I think that while she's just told you that she isn't happy in the marriage, that should have been obvious 7 years ago. Not trying to dump on you, just want you to see what happened and when so you'll be a bit wiser next time

Now - Let her go. Look up the 180 on this site and implement it fully. Have no communications with her except if it's about the children you have with her. 

Get out and find a job as soon as possible and begin the divorce proceedings. Remove her name from any joint credit cards you may have and take half of all the money you may have in joint accounts and put it in accounts with only your name on them.

As the primary care giver to your kids, I'm willing to bet that she'll have to pay you some support money until you are on your feet. Is TN a no-fault state? 

Now is the time to be strong. Do not beg, plead, cry or grovel for another chance. Women find this to be a major turn-off. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well and drink plenty of water. Don't be afraid to see a doctor and get anti-depressants if you need them.

The coming weeks and months will be hard but in the end you'll come out of this a stronger, wiser and more attractive man.


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