# finishing the (blow) job



## yesterday (Feb 6, 2009)

My wife of 15 years has lost her desire to perform oral on me.

During the first 2 years of our relationship, she would initiate it (a lot) and really enjoyed it. She would let me finish in her mouth.

This stopped about 1o years ago.

I do still get "a starter" when I am desparate for it and ask nicely and I also LOVE to perform oral sex on her and do so whenever she is into it.

Sex has been / is a touchy subject to talk about for us - we are working on our communications...

But am I curious what others think might have happened here...


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

What is the emotional state of your marriage?


----------



## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Tit for tat? bj = oral on her


----------



## yesterday (Feb 6, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> What is the emotional state of your marriage?


We are in trouble right now but trying to work it out. I have recently expressed my disatisfaction with our intimacy - mainly emotional.

Up until I said I needed more, she was happy with our marriage and intimacy.


----------



## yesterday (Feb 6, 2009)

snix11 said:


> Tit for tat? bj = oral on her


I like to give more than I like to receive. She prefers to climax via intercourse and stops me short, which is not at all an issue for me. I am quite happy to give her what she wants.


----------



## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

GL, some women just can't stand the idea of getting cum in their mouth.

My wife will give me the best BJ for 20+ min and then wants me to pull her up before I cum. 

She likes giving, but can't even fathom letting me do that in her mouth, grosses her out.

Other than that one thing, she is VERY open sexually, you name it position wise we've done it, she actually likes anal more than I do and asks for it a good amount, we both have toys, etc. Just finishing a BJ in her mouth so far is a no go.

We've been married for 9 years, and are both 30 yrs old, just FYI.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

yesterday said:


> We are in trouble right now but trying to work it out. I have recently expressed my disatisfaction with our intimacy - mainly emotional.
> 
> Up until I said I needed more, she was happy with our marriage and intimacy.


It is unlikely the physical intimacy issues will be resolved without the emotional ones being address first. Separate the two in your mind and address the emotional ones, for both of you first. Aside from a completed BJ what areas does she need to improve for you?


----------



## yesterday (Feb 6, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> Aside from a completed BJ what areas does she need to improve for you?



Point of clarification here - completed BJ is not important to me. I was just curious what, from other people's perspectives, might have happened to result in her change in behavior (or perhaps change in "taste" )...

What is important to me is that I feel like a priority in her life and that we are connected at a deeper level emotionally. We had a stronger connection before. We had deeper conversations before. I feel she shared more of her personal life with me before. And she used to be more physically intimate and initiate sex.

I realize that I need to make some changes in myself in order to allow her to feel safe to reconnect with me in this way.

At this point, however, she has not expressed any willingness to go there with me. These are early days still and I hope this is just her anger and the hurt getting in the way.


----------



## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

So have you actually asked her for oral sex? I really wouldn't read too much into it, just because you've hit one (small snag) with your sex life don't be looking for other problems that may not be there.


----------



## T.O.girl (Dec 18, 2008)

did your diet change? I love to swallow but i once struggled with one of my ex's because his diet made his cum taste and smell really bad...and us women are not confortable discussing these kinda issues with our partners...so if i was you, i would do some research and try to improve my diet...i don't see any other reason why she loved it then and now doesn't...


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

There is a old joke...

A couple is engaged, the night before the wedding the woman gives her future husband a incredible BJ.

So good, he tells his friends, "Hey Guys I just got the best BJ of my life!"

at teh same time the women is telling her friends, " whew, I just gave the last BJ of my life!"

LOL

It rings so true for so many couples.


----------



## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> There is a old joke...
> 
> A couple is engaged, the night before the wedding the woman gives her future husband a incredible BJ.
> 
> ...


Heard that one before, kind of funny and from what some friends have said, true in some cases.

My wife has been different, the BJ frequency has increased in the last 6 months or so, and we've been married 9 years .


----------



## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

to be honest finishing the bj can be so different each time belive it or not semen tastes different each time !! if you havent cum for a while its really strong and if you have eatern certain foods ! and have you asked her why ?


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

mine wont finish it, never has, never will.


----------



## DB in PA (Feb 25, 2009)

I have also heard od the changing taste. To me oral is a very intimate experience, one that should not be forced nor expected. When we do, it is always unexpected and a surprise for each other, one that does not come along so often anymore. You must be able to give to receive. try bathing before an anticipated session in which you may like to have that performed, but don't expect it or be unhappy if it does not happen. When and if it does, make sure to let her know how "wow" it was and how much it turned you on. Never take anything in the bed for granted! Good luck.


----------



## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

I do belive the best time to give my hubbie oral is after we have showered together, he doesn't expect oral every time and neither do i ,its about that moment and going with the moment


----------



## nascarfan (Feb 9, 2009)

I used to love to give them to DH but somewhere along the way it got to be a PITA job, no pun intneted, but it really did turn into a job, a chore, and not something I enjoyed doing anymore. Then it just got to the point that if he asked me one more time I was going to punch him in the face! Not really but you get my drift.


----------



## yesterday (Feb 6, 2009)

nascarfan said:


> I used to love to give them to DH but somewhere along the way it got to be a PITA job, no pun intneted, but it really did turn into a job, a chore, and not something I enjoyed doing anymore. Then it just got to the point that if he asked me one more time I was going to punch him in the face! Not really but you get my drift.


Can you pinpoint why it became a PITA? Was it you or him or both or something else?

In my case, she went from really being into it (in the car, wake-up bjs, shower bjs, etc.) to 1) never initiating it 2) (reluctantly) providing upon request - I'll ask maybe once every 3 months and 3) not finishing.

This is not a give / take issue. I love to give her oral and try to initiate once per month or so but she accepts less than that. She says she likes it, but prefers quickie sex all the time (foreplay enough to get me ready, lube for her, 3 minutes until the big finale).

From my perspective, it seems she could have a better sex life if she replaced me with a sex toy.


----------



## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Take away the focus of wanting a B/J and focus on her a little , slow massarges , you need to turn her on for her to want to give you a B/J .. maybe try not letting her touch you for a few love making sessions ,drive her wild so she wants you.


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

sometimes you can focus on one thing so much, that you forget about the rest of the elements that are needed to make the whole picture complete.

my tip everytime. start again.


----------

