# Should husband pay divorce cost?



## CharElliott (Jul 12, 2015)

I've been married for 7 years. I came home from work the Friday of our 7th anniversary weekend to find my husband had moved out. He took all of his clothing. I called him several times and he would not answer. He sent me a text message stating that he did not deserve to be my husband and he couldn't be with me if he couldn't be with me 100%. This left me confused as I believed we were happy. He stated that his kids need him (he has 2 kids from a previous relationship prior to us marrying) and he would have little time for us. I pleaded with him to understand, I would never stand in the way of him being a father to his kids. Although he didn't move back in, he continued to come home from time to time, giving time to himself to sort things out. He's not happy with his employment not being steady. He does contract work that comes and goes, which has left me to be the financial provider the majority of our marriage. I did not mind as this is what marriage is about supporting each other. A month ago, he stopped coming to the house. I finally asked him to come and sit with me to discuss what's going on. This time he said that "his family needs him". I asked him what did mean as I know that he's been working on building a better relationship with his kids. I asked did this include their mother too. He said that this is a "work in progress". I asked him did he have sex with her. He said, "yes something happened". I was livid and asked how could he do this to me when all I've done was love and support him all these years. I feel betrayed and used to pass time while he worked to fix his relationship with her and the kids. We do not have children together because I had endometriosis which resulted in me having a hysterectomy. Knowing that he's been with her, my heart is broken. Although I'm upset, I still love him. In trying to be civil with him, I've noticed he is rude and disrepectful to me. He seems to not even care that I'm hurting. I'm really considering divorce as I do not see him coming back. He said if we are to have a future together then it will present itself, but for now he has decided his pat. I don't know if he thinks I'm going to stick around to see what happens. I am considering advising him that he should pay all the divorce cost since I've paid for everything else during our marriage. Just wondering what others out there think about all this?


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## SouthernBelle822 (Jul 8, 2015)

I suspected an extramarital affair as soon as I read "He sent me a text message stating that he did not deserve to be my husband and he couldn't be with me if he couldn't be with me 100%." I'm very sorry you're going through this pain of betrayal. What's the status now? Is he planning to go back to his ex, or was it a one-time fling? Do you want to reconcile with him and try to work things out, or have you decided on divorce?

If you decide to get a divorce, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to pay the costs. His poor choice to commit adultery is the chief cause, and you did say that you've provided a majority of financial support during the relationship. What he did constitutes abandonment.


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## CharElliott (Jul 12, 2015)

He claims he did not have an affair with her while we were together. However, he seems not to understand an emotional affair is still an affair. He says that he's working on himself not wanting to be with anyone. I still love him and would like to reconcile with him and work things out. However, his treatment towards me hasn't been warm or positive. I've decided not to talk to him for while. Everytime I reach out to him, I get resistence. I'm certainly leaning toward divorce.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

When you met him, was he still involved with his previous partner? i.e., Did he leave her and their kids for you seven years ago?

Just wondering.


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## CharElliott (Jul 12, 2015)

They were not together. She had even moved on and married someone else. Her husband passed away in November 2012. He felt he needed to be with the kids more, which I understood. It just upsets me that he's obviously been spending time with her too.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

CharElliott said:


> He claims he did not have an affair with her while we were together. However, he seems not to understand an emotional affair is still an affair.


I raise the bvll$hit flag against him :bsflag: in lieu of the following:



> I asked him did he have sex with her. He said, "yes something happened". I was livid and asked how could he do this to me when all I've done was love and support him all these years. I feel betrayed and used to pass time while he worked to fix his relationship with her and the kids.





> He says that he's working on himself not wanting to be with anyone. *I still love him and would like to reconcile with him and work things out. However, his treatment towards me hasn't been warm or positive. I've decided not to talk to him for while.* Everytime I reach out to him, I get resistance. I'm certainly leaning toward divorce.


The man you married and thought you knew is gone, if he ever did exist to begin with. For your own well being and sanity you need to go dark and start to emotionally disconnect from him via *The 180 degree rules* and adopting the mindset in *http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html#post306559*. And file for divorce with an attorney with a proven track record of protecting clients from being financially raped by their STBXS.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

How long between when he moved out of her house and when you two started dating?


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