# ok i was wrong but am i suppose to take disrepect



## dre (Jan 30, 2010)

Ok i cheated and i admitted it. my problem was drinking and being in the wrong places when i did ie strip club. i have stopped drinking and i no longer go out at all. But now everything that has ever happened bad in our 7 yr marriage is all my fault. Not the fact that she has never wanted to go anywhere with me or the fact that she is insecure about her body even though i want to touch her ever time i see her. or maybe the fact she is not affectionate. she is 12 yrs older than me and feels like she has to compete with women my age but that did not stop me from committing to her. she does not have any friends and she blames that on me because i am a flirt but that is not the case how about her friends where single and she found a younger guy who takes care of her and they where jealous and would try to tear us apart. like invite me to their houses for parties and say just leave her at home if she does not want to come. i never wanted to cheat but its hard when you go out and have more fun out than at home. we never went out when we dated she is a home body and antisocial anyway now i have to her about how i never loved her and i dont care about our children. she has a 18 yr d that she tells don't be stupid like your mom find a man that does not drink and talks about the fact that i cheated in front of her. i think that is crazy because it makes her look bad more so than me. I am tried of trying to let her know she is the only one now and it will never happen again i don't know if i can be one more punk a$$ or cheating bastard


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## eaustin87 (May 6, 2009)

ever hear the saying hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... its jsut hurtful and believe me you go it it good. my husband cheated on me recintly and from your wife's perspective... she's hurt and she doesn't know how to handle it, like me, all i can think about is throwing it in my husbands face because he hurt me. the only thing you can do is sit her down ad ask her if you are going to move forward as a couple or if this will be an issue for the rest of your lives? til death do you part is a long time... and no you shouldn't have to take verbal or any kind of abuse. you were DEAD WRONG TO CHEAT but what it is a private issue that needs to be discussed between you and your wife. tell her how you feel and how the name calling is affecting you. let her vent and be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on. get all the feelings otu on the table, and then decide if it is worth the effort. ask yourselves "is your life better with or without him/her"


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## Janice (Feb 15, 2010)

Crazy stuff, well I understand that you like to go out and have a good time. I do too and my husband doesn't really like to. Since I go out I've met a lot of guys that want to get with me, but I say no cuz I'm married. I agree with what "EAUSTIN87" said, but I think that if you want to continue going out you should try to involve your wife as much as possible. Try to make it fun for her too. My husband says that he doesn't like to go out and party because then he has to be the designated driver, cuz I'm the one that ends up getting drunk. So what I have learned is to let him get drunk too and i'll drive him home. Because you have a baby it might be hard to go out together but my point is to try to make an effort to go out together. She also has to put a little effort and understand that you enjoy going out. Since she is so hurt right now give her some time to recover, but eventually you can bring up the conversation of going out together. 
Good Luck, 
JANICE


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

There's a lot you can do to improve your relationship with your wife, and there's a lot of good advice you can get here - welcome! 

Couple of questions:

First, how long ago did you have your affair?

Second, what have you done to help your marriage - both to recover from the affair and also to become better, stronger and happier?

Third, what are you willing to do to make things better?

Now for a quick analysis - 



> But now everything that has ever happened bad in our 7 yr marriage is all my fault. Not the fact that she has never wanted to go anywhere with me or the fact that she is insecure about her body even though i want to touch her ever time i see her. or maybe the fact she is not affectionate.


You seem to be saying that the problems in your marriage are not caused by you at all, but by your wife! She never wants to go anywhere, she is insecure, she isn't affectionate. I doubt that's what you mean, but I'd like to point out something - problems in marriage are almost never the fault of one partner only. Problems are almost always caused by the actions of both partners. 

However - it's important to note that these things bother you! That is very understandable! The things you mention (your wife not being affectionate, for example) shows that you need affection to feel loved. That's true for a lot of people. Not all people, though! Everyone has different things that they need to help them feel secure and loved in their relationship.

The job of each spouse (in regard to the marriage) is to make sure they are:

1) Fulfilling the needs of their partner

and

2) Avoiding the things that make their partner feel unloved.

Having an affair, for example, is something that makes your spouse feel unloved.

But there is more to consider here:



> she does not have any friends and she blames that on me because i am a flirt but that is not the case how about her friends where single and she found a younger guy who takes care of her and they where jealous and would try to tear us apart. like invite me to their houses for parties and say just leave her at home if she does not want to come. i never wanted to cheat but its hard when you go out and have more fun out than at home. we never went out when we dated she is a home body and *antisocial* anyway


It may well be that she doesn't NEED all that many friends. It is entirely possible that she is quite introverted and simply is a home-body. _I want to point out that this is NOT antisocial! _Antisocial behavior is behavior in which a person compulsively wants to destroy others around them through isolation, threat, etc. Its a good idea not to label someone as antisocial unless they truly have such a mental problem.

It seems to me that large part of the issue here is that you are _extroverted_ and your wife is _introverted_. While this can cause some trouble, _it is not an impossible issue_. You can find ways to work around it that leave both of you feeling happy and satisfied with your relationship.

Here's a quiz you can take to give you a good understanding of your personality and how you interact with others:

Personality quiz

Finally:



> I am tried of trying to let her know she is the only one now and it will never happen again i don't know if i can be one more punk a$$ or cheating bastard


What steps are you taking to make sure she remains the only one? How are you keeping yourself from falling into this trap again


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

dre - grin, bare it, and bend over backwards. know that when she's sending that negative agro at you what she probably needs to hear most of all is "I'm sorry I hurt you. I love you more than anything. And I want to be here and make you happy again." EVERY FREAKING TIME.

YOU said yourself that you knew she was a 'homebody' when you married her. Did you expect her to change? Now I'm not saying that perhaps she can 'give' to your wants too. But don't blame her for being what she's always been.

The pain and negative energy see sends to you will deminish OVER TIME. Do you have the time? Are you willing to be there through this? Show her EVERYTIME. "I love you. I'm sorry. And I want to be here to make you happy." EVERYTIME.

In time, you will see...
You have to live with the choices you make.
Deal.


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