# Stressful Time and In-Laws...



## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Hello friends. I am about to completely explode and thought I might seek some advice here instead of letting it out on my husband at the moment.

Some quick background....life has been INSANELY busy and crazy for the last two months... 


We had a (less than relaxing) vacation

death in the family

lots of exhausting travel to take care of one thing or another

in the process of adopting our second child (which means literally TONS of paperwork, social worker visits, background and homelife checks, and did I mention paperwork?)

a complete, and totally unexpected remodel of our master bath

and my in-laws decide they want to come visit for three and a half weeks

I've been home for just over a week now, which is nice. At least I'm not all over the place like I have been. Our master bath is a construction site and useless right now and my in-laws are in from out of state so I can't exactly tell them this isn't the best time and come back later.

I was stressed to the max before they got here. Now, I try to be respectful, these are my husbands parents. But I'm about to totally lose it. My MIL is a very large woman...obese doesn't quite cover it. And (sssooooo trying to be respectful here) there is an odor that doesn't seem to go away and often times gets worse and worse. Personal hygene is difficult because of her size and isn't often. They are staying in my 3 year olds room and I usually have to do a major cleaning and deodorizing when they leave. I can't even get into some of the things that happen, it's just so gross, and even though I'm just dying to b*tch, I shouldn't go there.

Anyway...this last week has been tough. I am a person who is quiet, I like my time home alone when hubby is at work and daughter is in preschool...it gives me time to recharge. Contractors and workers have been here for two weeks and it just stresses me out a little. Hubby was on vacation from work but of course scheduled it so he went back to work the day his parents came into town (gee...thanks!). In addition to everything else I have going on I am now cooking for everyone and constantly trying to clean and deodorize. MIL sleeps most of the day and doesn't have a problem sleeping on my couch in the living room even though we have workers here. And My Couch SMELLS!

Well, this is all just the very tip of my iceburg right now but I don't want to bore you too much. I looked past when they can't clean their dirty dishes, leave stuff all over....I clean it thinking they will be leaving and only come once a year. They have been using my towels in the shower, so I take my personal towels to my bedroom and hide them. They are using my car instead of my husbands so there is another thing with the odor which has to be cleaned and sanitized. I started our laundry yesterday and they took mine out to do theirs...ok fine...doing mine today. They were using my laptop to check their email and play card games and after I had gone to bed I got up and found FIL was on my computer and some personal files were on the screen. He didn't even try to hide it. Nothing too personal, I don't really care that he saw it, but to just go into my computer and snoop around in the documents? 

What really has me in an uproar right now.....*SOMEONE USED MY TOOTHBRUSH*!!!! :FIREdevil: Not even my husband would do that. Besides, he's working swing shift and wasn't even awake till after I found it used.

I'm just beside myself. I don't know whether to yell and scream, sit and cry, or just start drinking to get through this day. I gave them freshly laundered towels when they arrived and those towels are still sitting in their room. Why do they have to use mine? AND NOW MY TOOTHBRUSH? :wtf: *WHO DOES THAT?*

Two and a half weeks to go. Please, help me get through this.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

omg... thats just nasty... your toothbrush..thats disgusting.. fabreeze has some new air freshener out.. not sure on how bad the smell is.. but im sure it would kill the odor for a little while... i am so sorry you're having to deal with this... and your husband is just wrong for coming off his vacation when they come visit.. you have a right to vent..


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Thanks amberlynn. It actually helped a little bit just to get it out in writting here.

Yes, I am stocked up on Lysol, Febreeze...you name it, I have it. All day long I have candles burning, many fragrance oil reed diffusers in the house....it can all do only so much. It really rubs me the wrong way when she comes out of the bathroom (after she's been in there for a half an hour...and remember we are down to only one right now with the construction) and tells me I may want to go light a candle in there! Um...hello....? I have multiple candles in there right now with matches and a lighter in plain sight just for that purpose. I keep putting the deodorizing spray actually ON the roll of tissue paper so the hint wasn't too subtle. Good Lord!

I've been bitter and b*tchy for a few days now and I know I'm not much fun for my 3 year old (yeah...hubby can just deal with it!). So I'm really trying to pull myself out of it. Can't seem to get there....


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

my MIL smells like smoke due to her chain smoking all the time.. but she lives 6 blocks down the road, so i dont have to worry about her wanting to come stay a few weeks.. i go visit with her atleast 3 times a week, i have to hog-tie my husband and make him go, he had such a bad child hood with her, shes bi-polor and on the brink of killing herself smoking the way she does. I do feel your pain tho, i lived with my MIL for 2 years.. it was hell in so many ways i cant even start to explain. I tied into with her idk how many times.. we lived there while i was pregnant.. and finally moved out when the baby was about 4-5 months old... i broke down and told my hubby that we either moved out on our own, or i would move to my moms until he found us our own place. I get along with her just fine as long as we're not under the same roof, and so does the hubby. 

maybe things will get better for you, just keep venting.. tell them to use their own toothbrush and their own towels.. hell, hide your toothbrush if you have too... your husband should step up and be a man and put his parents in their place.. sounds like they just took over your home.. and shes just nasty goin in the bathroom and tellin you to light a candle.. id make her use a 5 gallon bucket outside some where...


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

My first thought was: "Wonder if you could find her a baby pool and park her in it?" I know, not much help...

I know the odor you are speaking of, my heart goes out to you.

I THINK I would be talking to my dh about how that odor makes you ill. AND that from now on: "They don't come to us, we go to them, and we stay in a hotel (he can stay with Mum and Dad if he wants) but you all just spend 3-4 days in hotel and visit as needed.

The other thing you could do is pop for 1/2 hotel costs for them. Why not just be HONEST and talk to your in laws? This could go on for years, and why DREAD it each year.

Worst thing that could happen is that she could be so insulted she'd never come back! :smthumbup:

My MIL does not come into our space. For various reasons. My dh just had to understand I could not take it. Too much stress!

Hang in there!!! If your dh won't agree to some change up next year, then YOU go on vacation next year, while HE has a nice little visit with his parents at your house, then come home and have it cleaned by someone else.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> My first thought was: "Wonder if you could find her a baby pool and park her in it?"


:lol: :rofl: :iagree:


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Sandy55 said:


> My first thought was: "Wonder if you could find her a baby pool and park her in it?"


I would love to do that! There is no way she could get down into it, let alone get back out again. We actually have one filled up and warm water in it right now. DD has been playing in it the last couple days. The 100+ degree heat around here isn't helping the odor issues. 

Thank you ladies for commiserating with me. It actually helps to know I'm not this awful and disrespectful (albeit disgusted) DIL.

My husband really is doing the best he can. I don't blame him for not wanting to be here. Since my family is all local, he does put up with a lot and I only have to do it twice a year (and only once at my house). He has had many conversations with his father about some of the major problems we have encountered in previous visits (I just can't even tell you...it would totally disgust you beyond what you can imagine). It seems to fall on deaf ears because nothing is done or changed. We have talked about the hotel room idea, but the inlaws don't have the money (not even half), and we really don't have the extra to foot the whole bill.....they come out for too long!

Because of MIL's health we don't expect that the travel out here will happen for too much longer. Neither of us have the heart to insult her. It's just so hard to live with while they are here.

I felt insulted and incredibly disrespected last year due to some things, but never in my life have I had someone come into my house and help themselves to my toothbrush! With everything so built up...just kinda pushed me over the edge.

I do believe I will be scheduling my vacation away from home for their visit next year!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

MsStacy said:


> I would love to do that! There is no way she could get down into it, let alone get back out again. Yes, that did cross my mind, too. Had image of her like Jabba the Hut moulded to the pool, never to escape!
> 
> Thank you ladies for commiserating with me. It actually helps to know I'm not this awful and disrespectful (albeit disgusted) DIL. You are not a bad DIL, having to deal with this is a struggle am sure
> 
> ...


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

You ladies are fabulous. I can't vent much about this to my friends and family because I don't want to change the way they feel about my inlaws. The inlaws are truly nice people, just the standard of living is quite a far way down below mine. And it just makes my husband feel helpless and stuck in the middle. He has tried.

Some of the grotesque things that happened last year are starting to happen again, as of today (and NOT the toothbrush). It's too awful and I don't feel comfortable posting it for the universe, but I just really don't know how I'm going to make it two and a half more weeks. Although I overheard a conversation where I think they are taking a little road trip to visit some friends who live a couple hours away in a few days. So I'm thinking I am going to get a couple days with my house back (should be just enough time to clean and sanitize). I'm hoping that happens 'cuz it sure will help. Of course we will be down a car because they always use one of ours when they do this.

As for getting away while they are here, I could...there are a number of places for me to go...my parents live only 5 minutes away. But the inlaws only get to see my daughter two times a year and it is important that they get to spend a lot of time with her while they are here. DD is just now at the age where she remembers them from 8 months ago so it's not like meeting strangers everytime. I want her to have a relationship with them. Both my husband and I agree that we cannot leave daughter alone with them because of safety issues....and truly, we don't trust that they will do what we ask. We have seen with our niece and nephew that they will purposely do something the parents ask them not to. 

But...tomorrow is a new day. Daughter has a playgroup, and I have some errands so we will get out of the house and on our own for awhile. I "may" have a number of errands to run this week and just sneak away to my parents for a little break.

As for the toothbrush....I left it where it was....afraid they might go hunting if it wasn't there. I had a new one (which they could have ASKED me for to begin with and I would have gladly given it!) that I have taken to my bedroom...along with my towel....and a growing pile of other items!

Thanks again. So far today, everytime I reach a boiling point I've been able to come here and cool down a little. You might be seeing a lot of me in the coming weeks.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Well, I'm hiding away in my bedroom now. Daughter is asleep, hubby is at work, and the inlaws are snacking on my couch watching tv. I could not take the smell that has overtaken my living room. I have a very large living room, vaulted ceilings, lots of (open) windows, skylights, and doors, and the smell is overpowering. I'm really afraid I won't be able to get the odor out of my couch when this is all over.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

you should cover your couch in plastic... okay maybe that was a little mean... have you got any Clorox disenfecting spray? (think i spelled it wrong LOL) that stuff works wonders. just think... what if they sneak in naps on YOUR bed while you're away... oh i would so have to hurt some feelings.. just keep venting.. it will all be over soon. I get a good giggle out of the way you word things.. but i so feel your pain.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

"As for the toothbrush....I left it where it was....afraid they might go hunting if it wasn't there. I had a new one (which they could have ASKED me for to begin with and I would have gladly given it!) that I have taken to my bedroom...along with my towel....and a growing pile of other items!"

OMG. :rofl: I have this mental image of you in your bedroom with this MOUNTAIN of "stuff" :rofl: standing GUARD :rofl::rofl::rofl: before this two weeks is over!!!:rofl::rofl: Am sorry, I feel really bad for you, but this is just getting hysterically funny...gulp. :rofl::rofl: Sorry...


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

amberlynn said:


> just think... what if they sneak in naps on YOUR bed while you're away...


OMG, Amber, don't tell her THAT!  :rofl: _Now_ she is going to lose sleep, she'll be laying there thinking about whether they've been napping on her bed! She'll have to cover the bed in plastic too! :rofl:

MsStacy: You sound like such a wonderful DIL, and your inlaws are likely good people. I feel so bad for you, and your DH must feel so helpless. Hugs.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

:rofl:


Sandy55 said:


> OMG, Amber, don't tell her THAT!  :rofl: _Now_ she is going to lose sleep, she'll be laying there thinking about whether they've been napping on her bed! She'll have to cover the bed in plastic too! :rofl:
> 
> MsStacy: You sound like such a wonderful DIL, and your inlaws are likely good people. I feel so bad for you, and your DH must feel so helpless. Hugs.


:lol: we shouldnt laugh.. it isnt funny but seriously... WHAT IF they actually do that.... thats like so wrong.. i would really think about puttin plastic on my couch tho.. would help with the smell.. 

haha they used the toothbrush... next thing you know someone will be tryin to wear your undies... :rofl: okay okay im done.. im sorry... just tryin to cheer you up... might be maken it worse tho.. 

oh oh oh go buy a box of soap and wrap it up and tell her you bought her a gift..give it to her then run like hell... :soapbox: okay... im done now... my evil lil devil is sittin on my shoulder tellin me to say more... :FIREdevil:


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Come on, Amber...get it all out of your system!  

I can't imagine using someone else's toothbrush...that's just sick to me. I once watched one of those hidden video shows where someone roomie was using their brush to clean the toilet! Both are equally disgusting to me!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

dcrim said:


> I can't imagine using someone else's toothbrush...that's just sick to me. I once watched one of those hidden video shows where someone roomie was using their brush to clean the toilet! Both are equally disgusting to me!


Yeah...I kinda feel the same as if they had used it to scrub the toilet! You know....I checked again this morning and someone has used it again. I dried it off with a towel last night so I could be sure. Yep....dripping wet this morning. Maybe I should use that one to clean the.....................

Well, I would definitely be able to tell if she slept in my bed...the smell gets into everything. Wow....if that were to ever happen the gloves would come off and I'm afraid I would lose every limit I am placing on myself. Ugh...can't even think about it.

You guys are definitely helping me to have a chuckle in the midst of this though, I thank you for that. I giggled out loud when I read your posts from this morning. Please....keep helping me to find the humor in this because I don't seem to find it on my own.

Candles and oils burning all over the house right now....I have to go stock up on more.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Now I just found the toilet lid is broken. Not permanently....but off it's little hinges that attaches it to the seat. It's just propped up right now. WHO DOES THAT??? And how does it even happen? Hubby will be awake soon....HE can take care of it. 

<SIGH>


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

as i said befor... get them a 5 gallon bucket to use... or you could rent them a portal potty. :rofl: make them an outhouse like they had in the good ol' days. She must have a big ol' butt to tear up the toilet seat... get her one of them "Wide Load" signs off the back of a big truck :cone4: :rofl: i crack myself up sometimes...


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Yes, I'll be here for your comic relief over the next two weeks!  Or in a rubber room.....not real sure what the outcome is going to be!

Some relief tonight. I spent the afternoon out, then to my great surprise (and with my car) inlaws are out for the evening. I have the house to myself (and DD3)...so we are watching a movie (at a volume level that doesn't make my eardrums vibrate) and eating popcorn. My candles are lit and the livingroom smells NICE! I'm actually not bitter or b*tchy at this very moment....nice! Maybe they'll stay out really, really late?


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

im glad you're getting to relax...you need a stressless night to yourself, maybe your in-laws will crash at an old friends house. Just relax and enjoy your movie!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Thanks...although I'm missing your laughing emoticons :rofl:

My first instinct was to clean like a mad woman. But I decided daughter needed some quality time with a happy mommy! Guess I really needed it too.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

lol your daughter coulda helped clean.. my son likes to spray air feshener... i dont know why, but he likes the sound it makes .. weird... :scratchhead:

I went to my in-laws today...had to deal with her cig smoke and smell... went outside, sat at the table...she sits in front of me, lights her one, and blows the smoke right at me...  but i cant say anything to her.. she gets mad and blows up... "WELL IM GONNA GO BACK INSIDE" .. so me.. bein the smart mouth that i am... "good go, im tired of lookin at you" ... i know.. mean me.. its been a hella stressful day.. but i come here, see this thread and it all seems to go away... gives me a good laugh..


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Ooohhh...ooohhhhh....I need your son here with the air freshener spraying weirdness!!!!


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

MsStacy said:


> Ooohhh...ooohhhhh....I need your son here with the air freshener spraying weirdness!!!!


:lol: he so spoiled you would wanna return him ASAP :rofl: i take full blame for that tho! yes hes a momma's boy! no.. he was never on the boob.. so havent figured out yet how he became a momma's boy... but im not complaining..  <3 ive gotta post a picture! hes a heart breaker in the making.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Pst hey so I've finished and picked my a$$ up off the floor laughing at all the posts in here and I really do have an honest suggestion for you...

So for the couch...go to the grocery store and buy fabric softener sheets they can be cheap off brand ones just ones that smell yummy...anywho so place them under the couch cushions behind the pillows that are on back etc...every nook cranny and such that you can find....do it...it will help. I swear.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Ugh hygiene...personal yes. Large people are like babies...must wash in the folds...gross I know but own it if you aren't going to change it at least keep it clean. Blech pukeasaurusrex.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Yeah...mine's a total mommy girl too. 

Spoiled or not though....your son's "talent" would be worth his weight in gold around here for the next couple weeks. :smthumbup: Maybe I need to teach my daughter!


Oh God.....I just heard my garage door! Peace and tranquility is over


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Rhea said:


> So for the couch...go to the grocery store and buy fabric softener sheets they can be cheap off brand ones just ones that smell yummy...anywho so place them under the couch cushions behind the pillows that are on back etc...every nook cranny and such that you can find....do it...it will help. I swear.


I hadn't thought of that...thanks. I don't have cushions that I can put them under....it's a large Lay-Z-Boy sectional that has recliners for most seats. But I can tuck them in between. Luckily we bought microfiber because of dogs and we were just starting a family....so it's easy to clean. I never prepared for this though....

Ugh...I'm going to have to delete this thread when this is all over! TMI. In the mean time, you guys are keeping me somewhat sane. Go out and buy stock in the funny farm tomorrow :crazy: ....you'll make some money off me pretty soon. :crazy:


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Me loves microfiber for many reasons, cleanliness being one of them.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

MsStacy said:


> Go out and buy stock in the funny farm tomorrow :crazy: ....you'll make some money off me pretty soon. :crazy:


:lol: i could use some extra cash... :rofl: might just have to look into it. Things going okay so far today?


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Well....someone is still using my (OLD) toothbrush. That still just floors me! I know they have been to the store. I have been to the store a number of times and always ask if they need anything. Wouldn't you say at the beginning... 'hey..I forgot my toothbrush, can you pick one up for me?' UGH! For some reason, even with all the other awful things that are going on, this just pisses me off every single day. They are going to visit some other family and friends Wed-Fri....what's going to happen....just use whoevers toothbrush happens to be within closest reach? I could just scream.

FIL is meeting with different friends today and is out of the house. MIL is eating on the couch and watching TV. Will do that all day. When she's not sleeping on the couch. It could be a pretty miserable day.....  (Lighting the candles and oil burners in the living room right now) 

At least I get a couple days to clean. I'm having a hard time holding off....but I will be that mad, crazy woman you see pouring bleach on everything tomorrow :circle:

Is it a bad thing when you start thinking of having a drink at 10:00 in the morning?


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

BYW....as I mentioned, inlaws will be gone Wed-Fri. It just so happens that those are my husbands days off...his weekend. WHY? Why do they come out to "visit" and leave when he will be home? I must have done something truly terrible in a past life.....


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

MsStacy said:


> BYW....as I mentioned, inlaws will be gone Wed-Fri. It just so happens that those are my husbands days off...his weekend. WHY? Why do they come out to "visit" and leave when he will be home? I must have done something truly terrible in a past life.....


Maybe they like you more then their son? You might be like the daughter they never had! I think your husband knows what you're goin thru and is advoiding it.. you should seek revenge! :FIREdevil: Tell him, NO SEX until he deals with his parents! That should open him up a bit.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

MsStacy...it may be 10:00 where you are...but somewhere it's after noon!!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

dcrim said:


> MsStacy...it may be 10:00 where you are...but somewhere it's after noon!!


:smthumbup: I like your thinking DCrim! I can hold off a little longer. FIL is still away, MIL is sleeping, Hubby just woke up and is doing his own thing, and DD is at preschool. I'm enjoying the quiet time right now and working on our adoption stuff. You may want to check back in a few hours though....can one slur their words while typing? 

As for the revenge....sex may be MY only outlet right now since I haven't even had time to go to the gym! Can't do that, but I have already scheduled a massage appointment for the day after inlaws leave. I told hubby he's paying for it and it would be smart if flowers were to magically appear when i got home  Heck...I may have to add a manicure/pedicure to that appointment due to all the cleaning and disinfecting.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Flowers? for all that you have gone thru and put up with, he better have you a nice warm, candle lit, bubble bath waiting for you when you get home, and then a nice candle lit dinner, then make him give you a relaxing foot rub. He owes you!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Hubby actually called in sick last night and stayed home with his parents. It gave me a little reprieve, which was nice. He took the wheel for awhile...score some brownie points for him.

They left this morning....
:bounce::woohoo::yay::bounce::woohoo::yay:
:bounce::woohoo::yay::bounce::woohoo::yay:

So....they left my toothbrush here. (Yes, 8 days later and I am still SEETHING.) Now I can't even pretend anymore that it looked just like theirs and they really didn't know it didn't belong to them. It has been used every day since they have been here (not by ME). I still cannot connect in my mind how someone can do that? Do you suppose they will now be using their poor friends' toothbrush? I should be over this by now. I should be happy that they're at least brushing their teeth.

That whilrwind you just felt breeze past you is me in decontamination mode  I'm really trying to kick the little devil off my shoulder....he keeps telling me to use said toothbrush to clean the bathroom........


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

:smthumbup: Now atleast you get to deoderize your home and make it smell nice. I hate it for the poor people they go to stay with. Someone better call ahead and tell them to hide their toothbrush :rofl: 

Dont thump the little devil away...maybe you should listen to the little voice and clean the toilet with the said toothbrush. Ive been reading this forum off to my hubby and he agrees...listen to the little devil, it might make you feel better


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Sorry...couldn't help LOL! I know it's not right...but I did. 

Next year TELL H they cannot come! Make sure they get a motel (there's cheap ones out there). If they don't...YOU get the cheap motel room...and take your toothbrush with you!  Heck, the motel often supplies these! 

Continue to do this every time they visit! Your H will get the idea. And hopefully they will too.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

dcrim said:


> Sorry...couldn't help LOL! I know it's not right...but I did.


That's ok DCrim. I am happy you all can laugh from this. It definitely helps me to find some humor when I'm feeling like I'm living in hell!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Still cleaning.....Watch, I'll be done 5 minutes before they get back 
My house smells so fabulous right now though  I have to admit...I have left the toothbrush alone. Didn't clean with it. I was oh, so tempted, but that's just too wrong. I still feel completely violated, but I can't do that to someone else.

Who knew that when you visit friends and family a personal toothbrush is fair game...community property? 

And I get to disinfect it all again in a week when they go back home!

Beer helps!:toast: line 'em up :beer::beer::beer::beer::beer:


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

MsS: Congrats on surviving. You could have have Mike Rowe over to film a "Dirty Jobs" show!:rofl:

Also, I was reading back when you said MIL was on couch sleeping and I had this mental image of you standing over her sprinkling Baking Soda on her as she slept....:rofl:

We need to start a MsS "New Toothbrush Fund"


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Sandy55 said:


> MsS: Congrats on surviving. You could have have Mike Rowe over to film a "Dirty Jobs" show!:rofl:


OMG Sandy....this gave me the biggest laugh I have had since this all started!! Thank you so much. I really think I am getting through this due solely through you guys finding the humor in it for me. You all can now add an extra on your resume's....SANITY KEEPERS!

Yeah....I really hate it when she "naps" on my couch. I can't sit on it until after I give it a good dose of Febreze because of the smell. And when I have the contractors going in and out I'm just embarrassed that she's laying there, stinking and snoring in front of everyone. Oh...God is gonna get me!

We were eating ice cream at Baskin Robbins the other night and my husband was sitting next to his mother. He made us all go eat it outside because he couldn't take the "odor". UGH!

EXACTLY ONE WEEK TO GO! I'm starting the count down now...

You are all fabulous. I can't vent like this to anyone I know. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

And by the way....I think of you Sandy everytime I go to get something out of my (growing) pile in my bedroom. I may have to take a picture and show you my 'mountain'.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Hey, you are talking to a woman who has a MIL who announced in our home one evening:

"I am allergic to the water here!":rofl::rofl:

The only thing _my_ MIL is "allergic to" is common sense. :rofl::rofl:


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

oohh...ooh...ooohh...what do you have in your water that will make my MIL allergic? Something I can add? I know you said she doesn't come to your house...what's your secret? The water huh....? I'd put my thinking cap on but I think I may have had a beer too many. 

Still cleaning....almost done though. I dont' know if they are coming back tonight or tomorrow. So help me...if they drive in tonight I'm going to cry and give up.

:toast:


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> Hey, you are talking to a woman who has a MIL who announced in our home one evening:
> 
> "I am allergic to the water here!":rofl::rofl:
> 
> The only thing _my_ MIL is "allergic to" is common sense. :rofl::rofl:


:lol::rofl:


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

*

We were eating ice cream at Baskin Robbins the other night and my husband was sitting next to his mother. He made us all go eat it outside because he couldn't take the "odor". UGH!*



Mmm how I love BR...mint choc chip shakes are the bestest. Oh oh! Or the pink bubblegum ice cream w/the little pink gum pieces in it....I must go to BR tomorrow must must must...and I will eat it outside just cause if I'm in there I'll probably not be able to stop laughing long enough to partake in it's yummyness before it melts and that would make me sad.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

MsStacy -- take the toothbrush and dip it in shoe polish! Then leave on a tissue that you soaked in some tea and allowed to dry (BTW, that's a technique for making things appear "antique").  

That was a technique used by the military to actually polish shoes. Tedious, yes. But obviously leaves a stain.  (not the tea part)

Rhea - LOVE the mint choc chip!!


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

dcrim said:


> MsStacy -- take the toothbrush and dip it in shoe polish! Then leave on a tissue that you soaked in some tea and allowed to dry (BTW, that's a technique for making things appear "antique").
> 
> That was a technique used by the military to actually polish shoes. Tedious, yes. But obviously leaves a stain.  (not the tea part)
> 
> Rhea - LOVE the mint choc chip!!


Note to self: Dont ever plan a trip to stay with Dcrim! If for some reason someone crashes with Dcrim.... HIDE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH!! :rofl: My son took my H toothbrush and scratched his butt with it... i died laughin for weeks everytime i seen him use it... :rofl: so mean i know...but the crap ive put up with from him... i deserved a good laugh... of course i told the litttle one to do it... it was after i took him out the bathtub..so his tushie was clean! :rofl: he still doesnt know about it...


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## TabbyCat (Jun 13, 2009)

Well, I would imagine your husband knows his parents odors, habits, etc. These are his parents and he needs to be the one to address this issue. You have to have a talk with him. Sounds like this isn't as much of a problem for him because he leaves.

You need to communicate your displeasure to your husband. After all, you are the one he has sex with, and I'm sure he would like that to continue. There's an old saying that goes something like, If Momma's not happy, no one's happy. You are the one with all the power here. Maybe tell him you are going to a hotel, and you'll be back in a couple of weeks.

BTW, I know the smell you are talking about. We have a woman at work like that. Horrible!


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## Dancer88 (Jul 3, 2009)

I really admire you! Three weeks! At the time of an adoption and a renovation! You really have stayed very centered....

I came across a good book excerpt on handling your mother-in-law atThe Daughter-In-Law’s Survival Guide | Parents and In Laws | Family

And there are other good strategies on that site for MIL relationships. Good luck!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

dcrim said:


> MsStacy -- take the toothbrush and dip it in shoe polish! Then leave on a tissue that you soaked in some tea and allowed to dry (BTW, that's a technique for making things appear "antique").


We think alike DCrim! I have an old toothbrush I use for cleaning. A couple weeks ago I cleaned my oven so the toothbrush is a little black from the grease. I thought about trading out for that one.....would love to see the reaction when they go to use my toothbrush and find it's all black. :rofl: I still can't bring myself to do it though. (But check back in a few days...I don't think I can be pushed much further without making a STATEMENT!) No matter how awful, disgusting, insensitive, repulsive, or down right rude they are, I can't act the same way...guess I was raised better than that (D*AMN IT!)

Hubby is doing the best he can. He has talked to his father on previous visits. We have asked that some things be done, or done differently. He has been as tactful as possible, but they don't do anything to change their behaviors. Even this time he has asked them for some consideration in some areas and they just don't listen I guess. We have resigned ourselves to the fact that we just have to get through it. As I said, they only come once a year, and I don't see them being able to physically do that for too many more years. Believe me...there are worse things than what I have vented about here. You would be so repulsed if I told all...... The toothbrush is just such a personal violation to me, still can't understand it. Anyway, I don't blame hubby. We're both trying to do the best we can. Shoot, I don't even tell him about a lot of it. He gets so disappointed in his parents...I try to spare him some.

Well...my house is spotless and smells fresh and clean! It's 2:00 in the afternoon. I don't know what time they will be home this evening, but I think I have about 3-4 hours of solace. Lining them up again.....CHEERS! :toast: 
:beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer: 

Countdown: 6 days to go smthumbup:less than a week left!)


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Dancer88 said:


> I really admire you! Three weeks! At the time of an adoption and a renovation! You really have stayed very centered....
> Good luck!


Thank you Dancer. It really helps to know that other people don't think I'm being an insensitive b*tch! I'll take a look at your link....


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

SH*T! 2:25 they came home. So much for solace


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well, you got 20 minutes more than you expected!  Hang in there...only 6 days to go.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Can you believe they weren't even here an F*ING HOUR and they used the toothbrush already? They're out to dinner with friends. 

I know...y'all are probably tired of hearing about this. And even though I expect it, I'm just pissed every time.

And my house is already RANK!

SH*T!


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

MsStacy said:


> Can you believe they weren't even here an F*ING HOUR and they used the toothbrush already? They're out to dinner with friends.
> 
> I know...y'all are probably tired of hearing about this. And even though I expect it, I'm just pissed every time.
> 
> ...


:lol::rofl::rofl: shoulda scrubbed the toilet with it!!! you still got time while theyre out with friends! DO IT! DO IT!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

We had a nice 4th today. Parade, and then big community event at the city park with jumpy houses, pony rides, BBQ, booth games and fireworks....all my daughters favorites. It's a work night for H so just DD and myself, my parents and the in-laws. Very difficult to manage large venues and crowds like that with my MILs size because she can't walk any distance. Anyway.... a lot of planning went into the logistics of getting her there and home and I actually enjoyed myself (especially with my DD  )

So...everyone is in bed. I don't know why the smell gets so bad? It's not the personal hygiene smell...it's that internal smell that comes from her. It is SO BAD...my bedroom door is closed and the windows open (and I'm cold!) but it just seems to seep into everywhere. RANK!!!! I'd like to go to sleep! Putrid...just a putrid smell.

Clock just hit midnight....only 5 days left...Lord, help me now!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Hang on MsStacy!  

Soon you'll get to clean for good! 

Next year...use the toilet method or polish method...and...get yourself a motel for the while!  Let H deal with them...you can clean afterwards.  

Maybe get one of those squirt air fresheners...the ones that spray every few minutes, place several around the house...


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Hang on MsStacy!
> 
> Soon you'll get to clean for good!
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## TabbyCat (Jun 13, 2009)

We've tried a lot of air fresheners at work. I think the best kind for this odor problem is the plug-in kind from Bath & Body Works. You can look at them on line if you don't have a store near you.

You'll be on the other side of this soon.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Yeah...I can feel it already. Today I'm going to be b*tchy.  

I am SO ready to have my house back.

We go to their house every year for about 5 days at Thanksgiving. I am already dreading this. H and I say every year that we're not going to go. Then as it gets closer he starts wavering and I encourage him that it's the right thing to do...suck it up and go. I really don't believe he would have much of a relationship left with his family if it weren't for me encouraging him to keep it going. I don't know if I can do this much longer. We've already been talking that we have a good excuse this year not to go....the adoption process we are in is very expensive and we can use that as our reason out. I just may not have it in me to be the good wife this year. Their house smells, is pretty dirty, and I'm always afraid to touch anything. I just don't think I can do the "right thing" this year.

As for next year....I guess I usually forget just how bad the day-to-day is with them here, because I always think I can get through it another year. We will likely have a baby this time next year. I really think we will have to offer up a hotel room. I just can't do it again. Even if we have to pay for the room I can't have them in my house for 3-4 weeks again. I'll start a hotel savings fund today!

God...give me strength...I really need it today.

Thanks again guys for keeping me on the humorous side


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

I just can't believe you all do this for more than 3 days.

Haven't you all heard of the "three day rule"?

"Relatives are like fish. They hang around more than three days and they begin to smell".

A good relationship with relatives is best accomplished with the three day rule. They can only stay in YOUR home THREE days. If they want to stay in town longer to visit they have to go to a hotel.

You and dh initiate the 3 day rule. You can explain it to your MIL and FIL and just be _honest,_ tell them it is too stressful on everyone.

I honestly don't stay at anyone's house more than three days, I just need my own bed, pillow, bath....etc. I sleep better and am in better mood all around.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Sandy55 said:


> Haven't you all heard of the "three day rule"?
> 
> "Relatives are like fish. They hang around more than three days and they begin to smell".


Yeah....except these relatives COME IN SMELLING ALREADY! And then it gets worse.

I absolutely have to do something different next year. I don't care whose feelings get hurt anymore.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Tell your H..absolutely NO next year. Period! 

If they show up, slam the door in their face! NO MORE OF THIS BS!!!! Stand up for YOURSELF! If the in laws don't like it...too bad, they can go home. 

I yelled at MIL and she left and didn't come back...it was a blessing for all of us! 

Your house is YOUR house...do NOT let them back!!

I can't grow you a backbone...only you can do that. But you need one!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Sandy55 said:


> I just can't believe you all do this for more than 3 days.
> 
> I honestly don't stay at anyone's house more than three days, I just need my own bed, pillow, bath....etc. I sleep better and am in better mood all around.


Yeah, that way I can run around naked!  

I never had relatives stay that long who weren't living in my house...

Tell H NO MORE!!! Do not go there for T'giving any more. Start your own family traditions!

Let the in laws do their own thing. If H's siblings want to go...that's up to them. LIVE YOUR OWN FAMILY LIFE!!


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

I like the sound of the 3 Day Rule..but i dont ever have anyone stay longer then over night..besides no one ever stays here other then my brother-n-law and my H's lil cousin.. thats not all that often..

But I do agree with Dcrim... stand up for yourself..they just took over your house and thats not right..I still say you should scrub the toilet with the toothbrush..or scratch your ass with it one.. either one works


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

*3 1/2 days left....*
:yay::corkysm60::yay::yay::corkysm60::yay: :yay::corkysm60::yay::yay::corkysm60::yay:

I have been doing my own thing and just going about my business. My cousins two daughters are here this week. They were supposed to stay with us, but present company invaded those plans. So they are staying the week at my parents. I let my daughter stay the night last night and all day today to play with them. She's having a blast. In the three weeks that the inlaws have been here, I can't get them to go with us to the park, beach, pool...anything to play with DD. So I told Hubby DD was going to play with her cousins instead of sit around watching grandma sleep or grandpa play on the computer.

If there is a visit next year, it is not going to be my house...PERIOD...Backbone INTACT. MIL's brother and SIL live 10 minutes away. I have already told H that they can host the inlaws next year...I'm not doing it again. I want my daughter to have a realtionship with them, but they just don't do anything with her. So....they can sit around and do the same thing but just visiting for an afternoon or evening, and stink up someone elses home and toothbrush! :smthumbup:

*3 1/2 DAYS......*


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

dcrim said:


> Do not go there for T'giving any more. Start your own family traditions!
> 
> Let the in laws do their own thing. If H's siblings want to go...that's up to them. LIVE YOUR OWN FAMILY LIFE!!


HA! Siblings....there is a whole 'nother can of worms. BIL, 39 years old, lives at home in the basement, no job....doesn't look for a job, doesn't have a single friend....

SIL and family live down the street from inlaws. They are pretty normal...in the sense that they're screwed up and are screwing up their children....but they work, pay the bills, etc.

I don't know how this will turn out in future years. We will probably skip T'giving this year, but it's still important for H to have a holday/visit/time with his family. Last summer the WHOLE GANG came out to my house....SIL/H/DS/DD/Friend stayed with us for two weeks. The day they left the inlaws came for 3 weeks, then a week later BIL came for 10 days. I'LL DO ANYTHING TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING AGAIN...even if it means I have to go out there for 4 days...we don't stay long. My family (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends) travels to the family cabin at the lake.....so I kinda look forward to doing that this year. I'm not ready to start our "own" traditions quite yet...that would be too quiet for me.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

*Countdown: 43 hours left*
:smthumbup: :yay::yay::corkysm60::yay::yay: :smthumbup:

Just found out they have an early flight Thursday morning...hhhooooorrrraaaayyyyyy!

Now, MIL is having anxiety and panic attacks. Everytime I turn around and cannot see her she tells me she just passed out! I asked what she is anxious over....she says she's been away from home too long....(YOU THINK?) What I CAN see, is her LAYING on the couch, watching awful daytime tv, eating Taco Bell, and lifting her leg up every-so-often to FART! 

Lord...help me now because I am about to do something that will cause irreparable damage....43 hours and counting....


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Gotta love an MIL that's comfortable enough to sh*t herself in plain sight of her DIL...and polite enough to lift her leg at that, so of course you don't miss out on the full effect because yeah...that would be devestating...awesome. She sounds like such a treat. Too bad the visit's ending soon...lol 

I'm so happy for you that this is almost over...wow!


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

OMG. Lift her leg to.... 

That would be "IT" for me. 

On my couch....

You poor baby.

I feel for your dh, he had to grow up with this woman.

Save him: tell him she does not come "here" any more, motel ONLY.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

If all they do is lay around, eating Taco Bell in front of the TV and HE sits on the computer all the time, that is no "visit".

Your home is being used as a "no charge" hotel. 

Just say "NO" next time, MS.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I completely agree with Sandy! No more "visits"!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

*24 hours...and counting....*

Yes, H and I are in agreement that they will not use us for their disgusting hotel next year (if they come). MIL's brother has a guest room so no one even has to be out any money for a hotel. They can filth up someone else's home and violate THEIR personal items!

I am so done. We are having a get together tonight that MIL invited everyone to. I'm making her do the cooking and preparations...she had the nerve to be surprised! About a month before they came she started inviting friends and family over for a bbq. Everyone kept coming to me asking about it and I had No Clue! MIL never ONCE asked or mentioned any of it to me. So...since she's having the party, she can get off her a$$ and do the work! I have to spend the day cleaning the bathroom and disinfecting/deodorizing the livingroom because I'm too embarrassed to have everyone over  _"Oh...but she's having her anxiety attacks!"_ HA! I asked her if she would like to to call the airline to see if they could change their plane ticket from tomorrow to today....due to medical reasons.  Guess the anxiety just isn't that bad.....damn! 

Thanks for talking through this hell with me guys....we're almost done!

24 hours....I can get through 24 more hours.....


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

:smthumbup::yay::yay::yay::yay::smthumbup: :bounce::bounce::corkysm60::bounce::bounce: :smthumbup::yay::yay::yay::yay::smthumbup:
:bounce::bounce::corkysm60::bounce::bounce: :smthumbup::yay::yay::yay::yay::smthumbup: :bounce::bounce::corkysm60::bounce::bounce: 
:bounce::bounce::corkysm60::bounce::bounce: :smthumbup::yay::yay::yay::yay::smthumbup: :bounce::bounce::corkysm60::bounce::bounce: 
:smthumbup::yay::yay::yay::yay::smthumbup: :bounce::bounce::corkysm60::bounce::bounce: :smthumbup::yay::yay::yay::yay::smthumbup:

:woohoo:*Woo Hoo! They're GONE!*:woohoo:

I'm doing the happy dance...the happy dance...I'm doing the happy dance...with bleach and lysol in my hand! WooHoo!

I've already stripped the sheets and have the mattresses lysol'd and airing out in the sun. Lots to do. It's going to take me a few days to get everything cleaned and disinfected...till I feel like everything is clean and 'safe' again.

Now I can get back to the regular stress of the adoption process, bathroom remodel, and DD3's busy summer schedule.

Wow....I know when I get my house (and especially my daughters room) back to where I'm not afraid to touch anything, it's going to be a huge weight off me.

I am acutally going to throw away the linens that MIL used. Others are getting a hot/bleachy wash, but MILs are getting TOSSED!

My house will be clean, fresh, and smell nice again...:yay:


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

YAY!!!!!!!!!

Although to be on the safe side, I'd probably burn the linens!


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

:smthumbup::yay::bounce::toast:

So glad theyre gone... Did they take the toothbrush with them??? Now you can clean and enjoy the nice FRESH smell of your home..and not you smelly MIL..


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Now, Stacy. You need to save all this thread and print it out for next year! JUST to remember NOT to let this happen again.

When they ring up to say "What is a good date..." You say, "The longest we have "open" is three days in Notinamillionyearsuary. :rofl:


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

sandy55 said:


> "the longest we have "open" is three days in notinamillionyearsuary. :rofl:


rotflol!!!


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> When they ring up to say "What is a good date..." You say, "The longest we have "open" is three days in Notinamillionyearsuary. :rofl:


:lol::iagree::rofl:


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> Now, Stacy. You need to save all this thread and print it out for next year! JUST to remember NOT to let this happen again.
> 
> When they ring up to say "What is a good date..." You say, "The longest we have "open" is three days in Notinamillionyearsuary. :rofl:


Thank you and Amen. :lol::iagree::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Sandy55 said:


> When they ring up to say "What is a good date..." You say, "The longest we have "open" is three days in Notinamillionyearsuary. :rofl:


:lol::lol::lol::lol:

I LOVE IT!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Mail them the toothbrush.


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