# Marriage Counselor still needed after reconcillation?



## Haru2013 (Oct 23, 2013)

Hello everyone:
I went to the 'Marriage Counselor' started early January on weekly basis that went VERY well and thanks to the competent and understanding counselor, my relationship with my husband got almost back to the origianl state, even better than before happened.

The reason I went to the counselor was, he got an intense Emotional Affair with younger woman and didn't quit nor tried to stop it even after heated argument. After each of my counselor's visit, he realized he did such a stupid thing and his attitude towards me is much improved. 

I know that without her help/talk, I never been back to this day and first of all, because of the counselor I got 'peace of mind' for which I really appreciate more than anything else. 

My question is; 
When I talked to my marriage counselor on my very recent visit, she advised me to continue the session telling me that abrup stop of the session is not a good idea and recommend several more. 

However, I wonder whether I need to continue Marriage Counselor, even my feelings and relationship with my husband got much better and improved? 

Thanks for any insights on this in advance.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

As per your words your counselor was a huge help. You and your husband are doing very well and you give some credit to the counselor.

You are in the reconciliation honeymoon period and it can be great! *Any type of betrayal with another woman/man is going to resurface in the future. You have a good counselor so CONTINUE!!!*


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

If the MC was good, then definetly 'wean' yourselves off. A good MC will help you communicate in a healthy and 'fair' manner. Without the 3rd party presense old habits creep in. If you were going weekly, cut it back to every other week for a few appointments. If things are still going well, cut back to once a month. Then check in every quarter for a year.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

We have a great MC. We see her every 5-6 weeks, almost 4 years into R. We have no intention of stopping any time soon. We've moved past the cheating and are working on other stuff now, but it's invaluable.


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## poppyseed (Dec 22, 2013)

Mr Blunt said:


> You are in the reconciliation honeymoon period and it can be great! *Any type of betrayal with another woman/man is going to resurface in the future. You have a good counselor so CONTINUE!!!*


That's what I think.


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## poppyseed (Dec 22, 2013)

Haru2013 said:


> The reason I went to the counselor was, he got an intense Emotional Affair with younger woman and didn't quit nor tried to stop it even after heated argument. After each of my counselor's visit, he realized he did such a stupid thing and his attitude towards me is much improved.
> 
> I know that without her help/talk, I never been back to this day ..
> 
> ...


Once the H went for someone young, this pattern will probably continue on and re-surface at some point when the opportunity comes up. That's why you are advised to continue seeing the therapist.

Historically, your input / feelings didn't count and the affair continued despite your plea to stop his EA. But your h listened to the therapist, instead. He doesn't listen to his wife because the opinions/wishes of his wife never mattered to him. 

I'm not quite sure if a few more therapy sessions will do or these sessions need to be more long-term.


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