# Need to vent...Is the process always this slow?



## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

To sum it up I want to divorce my cheating husband.

I retained an attorney 6 weeks ago and I'm going the property settlement route. I realize she has other clients, but I'm a paying client, too. No kids, I'm not asking for anything from him, I just want him out. I hope she's just being thorough, but I'm losing patience.

Is it typical for lawyers to move slowly? I feel so frustrated. He is unemployed and is still living in the house (we're living separately in the house) and I know he thinks I'm bluffing. I just want to get the ball rolling.

Thanks!


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

I'm going through the divorce process myself. Lawyers can take up to 10 days to get the divorce papers ready to be served to your spouse. Overall if there is no fighting over property, money, kids, etc then it can take up to 90 days to finish a divorce because you need to set apts for mediation and give ample amount of time for rebuttals, etc. Also, the beginning of the year is the busiest time for divorces, so that may aid in taking longer. You can have your lawyer file a sole possession and use of the property if you want him out. That requires a court hearing but also....can take up to 6wks to get a hearing depending how busy the court is.


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

I haven't even seen a draft of the PSA yet, but she's been billing me for it. When I hired her she said she'd have it to me in 2 weeks. Then I emailed her on Mon and she said she'd have a draft by COB Web, still nothing.

Meanwhile, my husband comes and goes as he pleases still openly seeing his girlfriend. 

This is torture.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

I'd ask for your retainer back and find another lawyer asap


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

Wow! We could compare notes. I'm not having lawyer issues but I too am going through it without children and living with unemployed spouse and am about to lose my mind(been dealing with it for almost 2 years)! The reason why mine is taking so long is because he doesn't have a lawyer and has already tried legal aid,etc.I should be settled already and I have been filed and had him served back in July but he fighting me on finances and I may have to go to trial which could take another 3 months.


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

Two years!!! I'm hopeful that I can wrap this up in six month. It really is frustrating. I feel like my whole situation is a big joke. I'm working my butt off to pay the household bills, meanwhile he's having a grand old time.

I've contemplated firing my atty and hiring a new one, but I don't want to start the process all over and frankly I can't afford it.

Best of luck to you!


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

Good luck to you as well! The only thing is if you get a new attorney, you may have to re-retain. I feel like my situation is a joke as well.I feel like I will never be free.At least when he was working,my sanity was at bay but its just so hard because hes here every day I am off from work while he gets his alone time while I'm at work. I just hate that he knows every time I come and go and what I'm doing.I'm an introvert and need my space!!!!I fired my therapist over the fact she said well something's still keeping you there and she doesn't get that I can't walk away from the bills but may have too if this goes on for another 6 months to a year and even my lawyer said I just can't leave and why should I bust my butt to pay double bills.There should be a law against this!!!


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

My husband is living in the basement. However, he goes to her place every other weekend (when she doesn't have her kids) and I've heard him talking to her on the phone. The things he was saying was very hurtful. Meanwhile, I'm trying to not lower myself to his level and trying to maintain some kind of normalcy. He gets unemployment benefits every week, but I haven't seen a penny. His spends it on beer and probably her.

I've been fortunate that I really like my therapist. I've been seeing her for two year. She wasn't surprised when I came to her two months ago telling her that he was cheating. 

I guess my atty isn't in a huge rush because she knows he's unemployed and doesn't have any atty. What's he going to do when he gets the PSA? I have my fingers crossed that he will just sign it, but then what? He doesn't have a job and can't go anywhere.


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

Yikes! I can't believe he gets away with not giving you anything. The courts probably could eventually tell him he has to share half of the expenses but I have heard that doesn't always come through. Its like my lawyer said, we can't make them do anything. I hope he doesn't bring her home when you're there. My STBX has given permission to date but who is going go for someone who still has to live and support their STBX!Not that I'm in a hurry but its just hard because I don't have friends to escape with and I have joined Meetup groups but must events are weekends when I work. I am just tired of staying in all the time on the computer on my nights off.


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

roxanne4238 said:


> Yikes! I can't believe he gets away with not giving you anything. The courts probably could eventually tell him he has to share half of the expenses but I have heard that doesn't always come through. Its like my lawyer said, we can't make them do anything. I hope he doesn't bring her home when you're there. My STBX has given permission to date but who is going go for someone who still has to live and support their STBX!Not that I'm in a hurry but its just hard because I don't have friends to escape with and I have joined Meetup groups but must events are weekends when I work. I am just tired of staying in all the time on the computer on my nights off.


I actually don't want anything from him. I just want him out of my house and out of my life. Because he's unemployed and hasn't been financially supportive has only proven that I can take care of myself.

I can't even imagine dating yet. In my mind, we're still legally married, even though separated. I don't want to lower myself to his level and start seeing some. Plus, I don't want to lead anyone on. It's tough, though. January is such a cold and gloomy month to begin with that I'm finding it hard to get out and about. I am enjoying quiet time at home when he's not there.

I don't think he's that stupid to bring her to our house, but you never know. I've told a few neighbors what's going on and to keep their eyes open if they see anything weird. He goes to her place, though, when she doesn't have her kids.


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## roxanne4238 (Mar 20, 2013)

I don't want anything from him either and I have made more than generous offers even signing the house over get him out my life but he just keeps fighting me that has anything to do with my lawyer drawing any agreements . He wants to do things his way and thinks he can go after things that aren't his and he's just going to hurt himself more and more. My lawyer doesn't even want me discussing the case anymore with him because hes be so unreasonable and I think she's even fed up with him. Mine hasn't been financially supportive(major reason for divorce) and has run up debt 3 times in the process. He shows so little work history that he can't even get unemployment. Yes I find winter makes the circumstances much more stressful. If I had more alone time, I probably wouldn't feel the need to escape and I do things alone like going to lunch. God willing my house should be on the market by the end of next month of course the ting that scares me is that if it doesn't sell and could be stuck indefinitely.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

It really doesn't matter why the attorney is dragging her feet. In the end, she works for you. If you can't hire another attorney, become the squeaky wheel. Email and/or call every day to check the status. Eventually she'll get sick of you and do her job.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Immediately fire your attorney, then ask for the balance of your retainer back along with copies of all work product within 30 days.

You can do this yourself, or hire another attorney to do it. In any event, your old attorney must still legally abide by the attorney-client privilege as if they are still your legal counsel and they cannot cooperate with the other side in any shape, form, or fashion under penalty of probable disbarment.

And if you want, you could even file a grievance with the local bar association against this attorney! Trust me! No attorney wants to have a blemish like that anywhere on their record!*


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