# Letting my mind run away with me....



## smr2500bus (Oct 15, 2012)

Hi everyone,

First off, I have learned a lot from reading many posts on this board and I'm so sorry to hear of everyone's issues. I'm glad I'm not alone, but sad to see how often this really happens.

I'd like to explain my story a bit - and I really could use everyone's advice as I'm not in as bad a position as many other infidelity victims are, but I still could use some guidance. 

I've been married 7 years, together 10. My wife and I have 2 kids, 1 and 4 years old. 

Last month, she told me she was thinking of leaving me because she was unhappy. She listed off her reasons (ALL of which were valid) but I felt she still wasn't telling me something, so I went onto her FB account and found out she was talking to the OM, an old friend from high school. From what I could tell there was no evidence of any physical cheating, but there was definitely an emotional situation happening. And there was lots of inside jokes with sexual innuendo. I never found any incriminating posts and pictures, but I'm not sure there were ever any to begin with.

I confronted her about it and she was immediately stunned that I had found out. She swore it was innocent and told me that she still wanted to be his friend because of their history but she would stop the more intimiate conversations. I agreed, as I thought that forbidding him any contact would push her more to him ("I want what I can't have."). 

Well, the next day, I began monitoring her FB account, and sure enough, she was talking to him again. But this time, she deleted the convo after talking. But since I was monitoring it real-time, i saw everything. I confronted her when I got home and she realized she was caught and maybe started to realize the severity of this. She agreed that she would end it entirely since she went right back to him, maybe that was for the best after all. She wrote him a "No Contact" letter (even before I knew what that was.

She sent it (I read it and his response which was "Good luck to you both.). But that night I had put monitoring software on her phone and by Monday morning, they were texting (then deleting evidence of the texts), assuming that she was not going to be caught this way. Bu I saw it and saw that he planned on coming over to see her at work and even worse the upcoming weekend when I would be out of town on business.

I went to her office, confronted her in front of her co-workers and told her to get her **** and get out, that I was taking everything away from her. She admitted she was confused, thought she had feelings, but wasn't sure what was going on in her head anymore. Real crazy drama. After the dust had settled, she swore that she wouldn't do it again, she wanted to work on us, had noticed the change in me (from the moment this all started, I promised I would be the things she wanted, and I was living up to my end), was proud of me, and wanted things to work because she loved me. 

So I took her back again. When I got home from my business trip, I found out that he called her and she used a different account to contact him and invite him over to our home - but swore it was only for closure and to say goodbye. That nothing happened, but she felt she owed him that. I freaked out and kicked her out for the night. I knew he had come by from monitoring her computer but I had no idea if she was telling the truth on what happened.

So the next day, we talked, she swore to me again that NOTHING happened, that he was into her much more than she was to him, and that she realized what she was doing, finally woke up and nothing will happen again.

She blocked him from FB and deleted his number of her phone. And as far as I can tell, there has been no contact since. 

I have continued to work on my weight issues and attentiveness, both of which have continued to improve. And we had a week of sex unlike any frequency we'd ever had before, even when we first started dating. 

So the problem.... I still don't know how to let this go and start trusting her again. I have no reason to think she's still in contact with this guy aside from my imagination running wild. But I wonder every moment we're apart if she thinks about him, thinks about contacting him, misses him, etc. She says she misses him as a friend, but nothing more. She has not changed any of her passwords, so she's being as open as she can (unless she has some other cell phone - and again, NOTHING to base that on, I just think "Well, I didn't think she was capable of cheating and lying, so who knows what else she is capable of.")

I continue to monitor her Facebook and phone with no results of any more contact. BUT I HATE IT. I don't think this is helping me - it's probably just building it up in my mind more than it is in her mind. I don't want to keep bringing it up because I think that every time I do, she gets frustrated because it's over and I need to let go or it won't work. I could really use some help on how I can recover. Are there any books or something I can read that can maybe help me deal with my insecurities and how to start rebuilding?

She knows that if I ever find out there is ANY contact again, I'm gone for good, so she understands there's no more chances. And I think she's being faithful and true. I just want her to tell me everyday that she's being faithful and true, and that's not only unreasonable, but insane.

Any advice? Any signs I should be looking for that maybe things aren't over after all, and I'm just not crafty enough to spot them? Or again, should I just be glad I caught and confronted her about it and we "nipped it in the bud" before it got to be something our marriage couldn't recover from?

Thanks everyone!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What I'm getting from your post is that you are stressed out about pushing your crap on her so much that she will bail.

In my case I told my self to go a head a push, push , push and push. I continued to investigate (it don;t last for ever), I continued to ask for answers, I continued to talk about what I felt.

The point here is making sure you open up this can of worm so wide that if she is worth her salt to keep around then she can take the consequences that come with her betrayal.

In short do what you need to do to heal and it will be up to your old lady to take it or bail. Its like if she really wants this then she will take the heat. If she want out she will bail.

At the end of the day the last thing you want is to sweep this under the rug, have it eat at you for months and years and have your chick find some other POS cuz she ain't happy.

Crack this crap wide open and it will be up to your chick to do the heavy lifting that is needed to help you heal or she can walk away *now* instead of later.

Again this kind of sh1t don;t last forever, but it the "trust but verify", its the talking over the same crap over and over again that got me thru thos infidelity thing......

Its sucks brother but the worst thing you can do IMHO is hold back thinking your making it worse.........SCREW THAT MAKE IT WORSE and let you chick face the consequense of how jacked up you are.

Dude I pushed and pushed and asked the same thing over and over again...hell I was ready to let my old lady go, so if she really wanted to stay she put up with how I dealth with this crap.

I must have done something right cuz after almost 3 years since d-day she still around. Granted I'm no were near as anal as I was ....say 6 month past d-day, even a year later I was still tracking her, but these days my old lady diserves a bone cuz she realy is no longer that decietfulo women.....still horny as hell but at least honest about it.

Good luck man and what ever you DO NOT SWEEP THIS UNDER THE CARPET CUZ YOUR WORRIED ABOUT YOU PUSHING YOUR CHICK AWAY. Dude its time for her to face this and own it and understand who she really is.

Man I could go on but my Chargers are coming on


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In my case it wasn't so much a sign of things still going on, it was an attitude change in my wife that things have stopped "going on".

There is an openess about her that was more of tall tail sign, rather then this secret agent that came and went in the night. There was a degree of submission that gave her self completely back to me...and to do what I wanted. IDK I felt a sence of having her back ....its wierd.

Be warned with this kind of control comes responsiablity ...


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Sound's like a serial cheater. 

But maybe she was too deep in thge fog. 

Honestly though, I think what happened:

She invited him over to your house while you were away, had sex, realized the affair wouldn't end happily ever after (because 99.99% of affairs never do) and said it could never happen, and is now determined to win you back. 

I'll give you my honest opinion:
I think she is remorseful she got caught. 
Because you've caught her...3x? Did I count that right? A cheater that is sorry they hurt you, will stop the affair. 
She didn't. She continued it, 

She doesn't love you. She loves the security you provide her. 

I would say file for divorce. See how hard she is willing to prove her love to you. 
And by work, I mean she better be the perfect wife. And willing to do whatever you tell her do. 
Like, quit her job. 
Like, give you her phone. 
Like, give you her passwords to her email, her facebook, everything. 

And that is just to start. 

If she can't do that, you need to divorce. 
Because if she can't do those little things (Because compared to what she should be doing, those ARE little) she won't do the big things. She'll just say she is sorry, string you out, then start another affair 2, 3 years down the line.


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

You asked about books. Please pick up a copy of "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and buy her her own copy. You both should read it, in tandem. Believe me, questions will come and waves of emotion. She needs to know about what happened with her as much as you do! If she's serious about repairing and regaining your trust she'll read whatever you ask her to read (or do.)


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

You busted her three times !!!

The last time she had him in YOUR HOME !!! This after lying to you, her husband, who is suppose to be before ALL others.

Now why in the world should you believe her ??? because she gave you some extra special sex ???

Now for the cold water over your head. 
Do you really think she just invited him over to say goodbye, after putting her marriage on the line when you had already kicked her out once ???

I say she got what she wanted. A night to try him out. 
COME ON MAN !!

This woman knew you was catching her everytime, and still thought it was so important that she risked having him in your home.

She did him dude. The thing is, he must not have been as good as she thought or he said he was.

That's the guilt sex she giving you.

You have no reason to feel bad for monitoring or asking questions. She betrayed you time and time again, after getting caught and KICKED OUT.

What may help you to move on, is for her to take a polygraph.
That way you will find out if they really did it in your bed.

And to tell you the truth, if she can't understand you not trusting her, after SHE invited him to your home, after you was big enough to take her back, then she has NO respect for you.


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

polygraph her if you really want to know. But I think she had sex with this man. You do need to face the fact that your wife was having an affair. It was for sure an EA and very likely went PA. 

Did you get that? your wife had an affair. Your situation is bad. This is a BIG deal. She needs to come clean, tell you what REALLY happened when he came into your home. BTW is this Guy married? if so, expose this to his wife, she deserves to know also.

What was her reason? have you addressed this?

the great sex is called hysterical bonding very normal.

you need to both be in counseling, this problem isn't just going to go away. 

sorry your here..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

A polygraph on her to find whether she had sex with him is the best option.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> So I took her back again. When I got home from my business trip, I found out that he called her and she used a different account to contact him and invite him over to our home - but swore it was only for closure and to say goodbye. That nothing happened, but she felt she owed him that. I freaked out and kicked her out for the night. I knew he had come by from monitoring her computer but I had no idea if she was telling the truth on what happened.


Yeah right!! She lied, lied, lied, lied. Expect her to tell the truth now...

They met to get some closure ? the same closure that they couldn't get over the phone ? They f*cked. Can't get anymore clear than that. Don't be in denial.

They will probably resume the affair. They now know all your methods and avoided it the last time they met at your house. How can you ever trust this woman again...She lied at every chance she had


Ask her to take a polygraph..Expose her to her family.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

smr2500bus said:


> Hi everyone,
> First off, I have learned a lot from reading many posts on this board
> I'm not in as bad a position as many other infidelity victims are.
> 
> ...


These results a-c show that you, while technically very alert on monitoring her, are in a kind of ‘cuckold fog’. You want to treat it like it didn’t happen, it’s all a bad dream. You are rug-sweeping. She uses you as a doormat.

You should keep monitoring if you want to have any chance to keep her as you would like so very much. And not tell her anymore to build up conclusive evidence of a PA. Or find nothing at all, which is a little bit unlikely.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

smr,

Ask for the poly and schedule it. See her reaction. You will know what happened.

Also, after you caught her 3X times, she still invites him over to your home. Do you think they just talked?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

They had sex. Do not even doubt that. Unless the other guy had some ED issues, they did have sex. You gave her 3 chances too many and she repeatedly spit on them. 

Get both of you tested for STDs...

You might want to check her credit/debit card for any purchases she made during that week.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> Also, after you caught her 3X times, she still invites him over to your home. Do you think they just talked?


They could have watched the presidential debate


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Bus, your wife is hooked on this guy. Read this link, which is superficial, but does give you a heads up on what you're up against. And yeah, they're fvcking whenever you aren't around. She's on a crack like high with every contact. She's outfoxed you at every turn. You need to DNA your kids, ASAP. Do you really want this woman, still?


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Quote;
So I took her back again. When I got home from my business trip, I found out that he called her and she used a different account to contact him and invite him over to our home - but swore it was only for closure and to say goodbye. That nothing happened, but she felt she owed him that. I freaked out and kicked her out for the night. I knew he had come by from monitoring her computer but I had no idea if she was telling the truth on what happened.


She had to finish what she started. They were building up to sex and she had to see what it was like. You busted her right before they were to consummate the relationship.

The problem is it wasn't that great for her. So she used him for one time and opted for you.

I could never rest again without a polygraph to find out for sure. You will forever wonder about this because, apparently she rarely tells the truth at least in regard to this situation.

You have absolutely no reason to believe her at all.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

smr2500bus said:


> I'm not in as bad a position as many other infidelity victims are
> 
> *Famous last words.* *Your situation is very typical.*
> 
> ...


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Hey SMR, I've got some, er, swamp land that I would be willing to let go for a song! Listen, you can trust me on this, Walt Disney told me himself that he would like to build another theme park on it. It's going to be worth BILLIONS!! I know you will will buy it because you buy everything else.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Smr,
You are in real trouble.
You do love this woman very much, but you are doubting the evidence in front of your face.

*SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU.*

No matter what you try,she knows you are weak for her and will cheat on you ,again. She has absolutely no respect for you.
My guess is that SHE is the aggressor in the outside affair. She's pursuing the OM.

Next time you think of forgiving her and trusting her, try to imagine what she's telling the OM about you.
She's talking you down in front of him, and they are laughing at you.
Time for you to move on.
Some people just cannot be fixed...


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> They had sex. Do not even doubt that. Unless the other guy had some ED issues, they did have sex. You gave her 3 chances too many and she repeatedly spit on them.
> 
> Get both of you tested for STDs...
> 
> You might want to check her credit/debit card for any purchases she made during that week.


Excellent Point. 

I always have to shake my head when a spouse finds A cheating spouse going back to again talk with the AP after dday, and the cheater claims it was only an EA. Yeah, right.

At the very least this shows the person has some type of defiance issue, if not a full blown defiance disorder. 

If someone gets caught and is really remorseful, why continue talking to the AP. 

Its all Bulldokey, if they continue contact in any way with the AP. 

Also, texts and emails can easily pass as only an emotional affair rather than a physical one.

A lot of times, the cheaters are aware that they need to keep sex talk out of the texts and the emails, so they can better hide the physical affair.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Smr,
> You are in real trouble.
> You do love this woman very much, but you are doubting the evidence in front of your face.
> 
> ...


Good point. 

I saw tons of texts and emails sent to me anonymously by the person who outed the affair. 

And, yes, both cheaters my STBEH and the OW were saying really denigrating things about their respective spouses. 

My STBEH was complaining about realitvely minor and silly things...Like I watched the news rather than wanting to go clubbing. Or, I was too intellectual and not enough fun. 

But the OW, she was complaining that her husbands' body disgusted her. That he was fat, and hairy and pasty white and lousy in bed and that she hid from him to avoid having sex with him. 

The OW was fun alright, she was a serial cheater having ONS, and girl on girl trysts and went to sex clubs to get lap dances from both men and women.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

smr2500bus said:


> ...I'm not in as bad a position as many other infidelity victims are


:scratchhead:

You are in EXACTLY the same position that other infidelity victims are in. Your wife had a full blown classic affair. You are now both in the rug-sweeping stage of a classic affair. 

My wife and I rugswept 14 years ago. Guess what? My mind would run away with me regularly. For 14 years. When I finally tried to fix it 3 years ago she "forgot". Doesn't remember a thing (how convenient). Closure is now impossible. I'm sleeping in my office and probably will be for the rest of my marriage.

She CANNOT rug sweep this. She will take the "nothing happened at the house while you were away" lie to her grave. That I know. So it's polygraph or just leave now.



smr2500bus said:


> I've been married 7 years, together 10. My wife and I have 2 kids, 1 and 4 years old.



And THAT'S creepy. For me anyhow. That is almost EXACTLY the same position I was in when my situation happened.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Yeah, she invited him to your home for closure. She could have closed it via email or telephone, then why she brought him to your home other than for physical closure, I mean sex.
Do you think that he will come to your home for saying good bye and leave after they had an A and they were busted three times.

Its time for STD check up and Polygraph.

She is frustrated over your snooping.REALLY? 
Dont stop snooping, they will take it underground as they did earlier.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Bottom line is that she has lied to you time after time. Each time that you have caught her, she has given an explanation that you have accepted. Each time that you have caught her she has tried a different way of communication to keep the affair going.

There have been no consequences for her cheating because you keep believing she has learned her lesson and will not do it again.

Inviting him to your house while you were away should have been the last straw for you. Her explanation that "she owed it to him" should have shown you that he is more important to her than you and your kids. They had sex that day. BTW - this was not the first "in person" meeting.

Put a VAR in her car. Put VARs in your house in rooms where she might go to have a private conversation.

Don't stop snooping - ramp it up. She is not going to stop and they are looking for ways to see each other and communicate that they think you cannot find.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Your marriage is in deep trouble.
Every spouse can make a fairly lenghty list of shortcomings. I'll bet sh started her list of your shortcoming well AFTER her inital fb contact. 

They spent the first few chats discussing how you've 'failed' her and how unhappy you've made her. While you were busting butt in providing for your family they were dismantling your marriage.

She wanted you to give her a few months vacation w OM while YOU tried to become a better husband. TOTAL bullchit!

She's content now bc she's got what she wants - you at home and OM in the wings. 

Now that she knows your methods of keeping an eye on her she's found other means - count on it. If you don't act decisively now you'll have to later when it will be much more difficult to address the issue. It may be a few weeks but there will be more contact - and more serious damage.

Yes you're marriage is in more serious danger than it was after you first threw her out. If you wait too long you'll be the one being thrown out.


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## smr2500bus (Oct 15, 2012)

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the advice and suggestions.

Man, you guys pull no punches. I guess I would do the same if I didn't know the person/people on the other end.

Here's where my head is at: I'm going to continue to monitor - but no polygraph at this time. And I know the kids are mine. This whole thing only just started about 8 weeks ago, and it's been over for the last 3 (as far as I can tell).

I'm sure everyone thinks I'm blind or stupid or both. And I understand why you would. But the fact is I don't want to live in a marriage where polygraphs or other tests will determine if I stay or go. The fact is that I choose to believe her and if she betrays me again, I'm gone. Like one of the articles I was pointed to in this thread says "The attraction/feelings are like a drug." I think we'd all be kidding ourselves if we thought that if you have an emotional connection with someone that gets to the point that it did, that you can just turn it off like a faucet that day - which is why I immediately confronted my wife instead of building more evidence. Once she FINALLY realized that this was going to end OUR relationship whether she had feelings or not, I think she finally got it through her head the consequences of her actions. It got real close to ending at least a couple of times, for sure.

I do believe my wife made a mistake. And she knows it. I do believe that she is remorseful and hasn't done it since that last time. And I do believe that nothing physical happened. I think it WOULD have had I not found out about things - but I think that by me doing so (and busting her those 3 times over those 4 days) was what finally woke her up out of the fog that she was in and snapped her out of it before it reached the point of no return.

So, where to go from here? Like I said, I'll continue to monitor, but stop obsessing about it every minute, every day. The thing that has seem to gotten lost in everyone's advice is "What kind of life am I leading if I doing all these things?" It certainly doesn't seem like the kind I want to live. I'm not stupid - she can't go undetected indefinitely if this is continuing on, so if she is continuing a relationship with him, it would be a matter of time before things explode, not if.

Of course I want her to be faithful and true. And I'm hopeful that she is. She knows that if he calls her, she is to tell me immediately. And if I find out there was any contact, I'm gone. She loses her life in its entirety. And I don't think there's anything wrong with having that fear as a motivator. 

So, that's where I'm at. Let the insults begin.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

No one insulted you smr. they are pointing out the ridiculousness of her lies. And you are rejecting the reality of the situation if you are totally willing to trust her.



> But the fact is I don't want to live in a marriage where polygraphs or other tests will determine if I stay or go.


But are you choosing to live in a marriage that is probably based on her lies ? The intent of polygraph isn't just testing her truthfulness. It more often points out the willingness of the WS and the lengths she will go to repair the marriage she damaged. And more truth comes out at the parking lot of polygraph place than you can ever get inside of it..

Your story is not unique. Just go through some of the popular threads. There is something called the cheater's script. Your wife's story is following the pattern. Lie and deny as much as you can and when confronted with the evidence, minimize it.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

smr2500bus said:


> So, that's where I'm at. Let the insults begin.


I have no insults for you, there is nothing wrong with being ignorant. Ignorance can be fixed. Go read this: Love is a Drugit's the kindergarten version of what you're up against biologically. If you want the grown up version go here.

You're thinking she is operating with a rational mind and letting her cortex run things, unfortunately her limbic system is riding high right now. Every email, call, and touch puts her on a crack like high.

How often did your wife allow you to have sex with her in the last 6 months?


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

smr,

Don't be defensive about wanting to keep the marriage alive. That is always an option, and there are many BS's in R. BUT and this is a big one, dont keep the marriage alive on a bed of lies. There is no future in it. The lies will surface in your mind when you least expect them, every possible borderline action from her will cause you concern and heartburn and at some point you will blow. And no matter what, while all this is going on, you will continue to question yourself if she really was faithful to you physically. This is no way to live.

If you want to stay together, start with the truth. It will hurt, but at least you will be sure that there is a basis in truth for staying together.

On a separate but related note, I dont think anyone was saying the results of the polygraph need to be the litmus test for your marriage. What I was saying and I am sure others were is that once you ask her for one to probe what happened between them was just an EA or a PA, her reaction will tell you a lot. Schedule it in any case, if she says yes, drive her to it, see if she backtracks when the office comes near. Most facades of false pretences will fall apart at that point. If she is holding strong, and you feel you have pushed it as much as you need to, chances are she is being truthful. At that point, no one is forcing you to carry out the polygraph. You can always drive away!

Hope this helps.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Dude, if a woman getting kicked out of her home, away from her kids don't burn away the fog, what will ???
More of your empty threats. 

Well what did that get ya ???
A guy in your home !!

Look, I wish you the best, but her having a burner phone now is very possible.


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

Smr,

You are in total denial about the severity of the affair. It sounds like you are both rug-sweeping. What has your wife done in regards to heavy lifting and repairing the damage she caused?

You are in the mindset that you caught this EA in the nick of time and put a stop to it. You have everything under control and you are not here to seek advice. 

You only really know 10% of your wife's affair. Your brain is trying to fill in those pieces. Have your wife answer all your questions truthfully and it may put your mind at ease. That's why the polygraph is needed. She is not being truthful. 

I have no doubt the affair turned PA when he came to your house. Did he stay the night? That's why you need to contact his wife or girlfriend and expose. OM's significant other may have more missing pieces to this puzzle. The truth is out there, you just won't get the truth from your wife. She already said she wanted to divorce you. She's not going to give up her hand so easily. 

Remember, we will be here for you when you finally learn the truth.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Apparently your wife has a cheater's take on NC. To a cheater it means: "Wait until my faithful, clueless spouse is away from home for a few days."

STD tests might be a good idea. If only to make her realise the seriousness of what she has done.


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## smr2500bus (Oct 15, 2012)

I appreciate everyone's advice and words.

The OM does not have a significant other. 

I've done a check for a burner phone. And there's nothing found. My wife works at a school, so there's no work phone, no work computer to use to write him. So her ability to contact him would be limited.

I appreciate what everyone is trying to do, but at what cost does every little detail come out? Yes, I'm sure there's more than I even want to know, but for me, knowing that it's over, knowing that there was never a PA is enough for me. I have to trust and believe or this marriage is already over. And she swore to me, on our childrens lives that nothing ever happened. If it did and she is lying, then she will falter again and then she will know what it is like to be alone. 

But to ask for a PT makes me realize that i don't trust her, will never trust her again, and this marriage is over.

Maybe I'm in my own fog and all of you are right and I am wrong. But I'm convinced all it will take me finding another transgression and I can walk away. Completely.

I guess I just have to trust my gut instinct here. If it fails me, I will be back, tears and all.


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## smr2500bus (Oct 15, 2012)

And I WILL find out if contact has resumed. I'm confident of that. Especially if I found it all before. My wife is not super technical and this guy an idiot at best, so I'm not worried they will be able to pull the wool over my eyes indefinitely. If there's something to catch, it will be caught. I have no doubt.

I have access to my wife's email account, FB account, and phone. Plus, I have monitoring software on both the computer and her phone. She has no record of any of their past indiscretions to review or relive the past.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

wishing you the best


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## Bpm2616 (Oct 17, 2012)

Sorry to hear the situation you are in,....the mind is a powerful thing and can mess you up big time! You have to get in control of yourself and make a difficult decision! Time will heal your wounds. Do what is right by you and what you deserve, good luck.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> And she swore to me, on our childrens lives that nothing ever happened.


if I had nickel every time I heard this on this forum...I would have a few dollars by now.. But seriously, these words mean nothing...


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

smr2500bus said:


> And she swore to me, on our childrens lives that nothing ever happened.


You haven't ready enough stories here.
Cheaters will swear on their children or on the body of their dead relatives to make their version sound true.
They have flawless acting abilities.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

smr2500bus said:


> I've done a check for a burner phone. And there's nothing found. My wife works at a school, so there's no work phone, no work computer to use to write him. So her ability to contact him would be limited.


She works at a school....computers everywhere.


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

There is no Trust in your marriage. How can there be if your wife lies to your face 3 times in 4 days. Seriously.

So you need to come to terms with the fact that your wife is a liar and a cheat. No matter which way you look at it, that is what she is.

She treated you with absolutely no respect, and appears to have no respect for your feelings.

It is still possible to reconcile, and this site is pro marriage.

However, both you and your wife have to come to terms with the fact that she is a cheater.

I strongly suggest you spend some more time reading here.

Good luck


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

Time heals all wounds....


I feel you are still viewing your wife as the person you though she was prior to the affair. She is not that person anymore. 
You are now married to a woman who would lie to you, deceive you and form intimate relations with people other than you. So tell me, would you "Trust" that person? Hell no!

Yes, I feel a marriage needs trust. But your wife broke her marriage vows and now she needs to repair the damage she caused. 

Your marriage, from this point forward, will never be the same. Please get that through your head. If it is, then you are rug-sweeping. You will never have 100% trust like you did pre-affair. 
These are the facts. Some here will say their marriages are 
better, but different. Those who've been betrayed never have blind trust with their spouses. This is the price of infidelity.

BTW, are you sure the OM doesn't have a significant other? or is this what your wife's told you. Have you exposed this EA?


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

smr2500bus said:


> I appreciate everyone's advice and words.
> 
> The OM does not have a significant other.
> 
> ...


It is really laughable and heartbreaking at the same time, how you have two types of original posters: Those that listen and those that think they know better. :scratchhead:

The first have a chance. The latter end up in misery.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> if I had nickel every time I heard this on this forum...I would have a few dollars by now.. But seriously, these words mean nothing...


No, Warlock. No adulteress has ever sworn anything like that on the lives of her children. Never. Why, it's inconceivable. _Inconceivable,_ I tell you. OP can sleep well at night, now that he has this ultimate assurance that nothing happened.

Good luck SMR.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

TBT said:


> She works at a school....computers everywhere.


EXACTLY! library, workroom, teachers lounge to name a few

So dont automatically discount that avenue


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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