# How long before you knew he/she was "the one"



## tpb72 (Feb 18, 2011)

We used to talk about marriage just jokingly but now there seems to be a more serious note when it comes up. So I think he's starting to seriously think about marriage.

It seems a little too soon to me ... we've only been together 9 months and are just moving in together. Not that I see a proposal coming imminently, in fact I could be totally off base here. It just made me wonder about how long it takes a person to decide they want to spend the rest of their life with another.

So my question is, how long were you with your SO before you knew this was "the one"? I am particularly interested in what the men have to say.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

tpb72 said:


> We used to talk about marriage just jokingly but now there seems to be a more serious note when it comes up. So I think he's starting to seriously think about marriage.
> 
> It seems a little too soon to me ... we've only been together 9 months and are just moving in together. Not that I see a proposal coming imminently, in fact I could be totally off base here. It just made me wonder about how long it takes a person to decide they want to spend the rest of their life with another.
> 
> So my question is, how long were you with your SO before you knew this was "the one"? I am particularly interested in what the men have to say.


I think it just depends on the person and a lot of other factors, like number of prior relationships, age, maturity, views of marriage, etc. Nowadays a lot of people take the attitude that "this person is really great, and if it doesn't work out we'll just get divorced" rather than "I want to spend forever with this person and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen". A person that's a little older and a little more experienced is going to know what they want a lot sooner than someone on the other end of the spectrum. 

I was head over heels in love with my stbx within 6 months. He moved in with me at that time, and said that if we lived together for a year and were still so compatible that we'd get engaged. We did, and then we were engaged for almost 2 years before the wedding. So, 3 1/2 years we were together before our wedding. The time frame for that "in love" feeling to wear off is about 2 years. I would think it critical to last that test of time before jumping into a wedding. Or at least have a long engagement. 

Marriage is about accepting someone how they are. You have to be able to pick out the flaws and make sure they are ones you can live with. You have to have a mutual understanding that you will both change, so a connection on a deeper level is so important. Make sure you always have things in common, be it activities or interests. Marriage takes a lot of work. I thought my husband was the perfect one for me and I loved him with all I had, but he ended up reconnecting with an ex girlfriend and cheated on me and left. I still think we were compatible and could have lived happily ever after. But I can't compete with his temptation and lust. I did my best to be the best wife ever. But I can tell you one thing, this time around I'll be really careful, but there were never any signs that he wasn't the one for me. Kind of sad really. So what it boils down to is commitment and being able to pledge your life to another and mean it FOREVER. Good luck!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I knew within 3 dates that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my husband. We were married after 1.5 years of dating.

In hindsight we should have waited but we were young, in love and naive.


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## Kate0558 (May 13, 2011)

we told each other we loved each other after 3 days... (and meant it) and we were talking seriously about marriage a few days later. just under 3 yrs later and after living together for a year...and i think he's finally starting to see that its actually a reality and not just a "sometime in the future" kind of thing. 

Have to admit... it hurts to see other ppl getting married or engaged after being with each other for under a year... and i'm coming up on 3 and still no ring. 
Now he wont talk about it. and gets mad when i bring it up. ... i like to think he's got a plan and he doesn't want me to know anything about it. but thats prolly just a dream. 

All i can tell ya is... ya gotta make sure its real. like if its still in the "my bf/ gf is absolutely amazing and can do no wrong stage..." i'd wait it out. ya gotta be sure that its "real" and can withstand whatever life throws ya. 
I'm confident we will be able to make it cus we've been through hell and back and when it would have been so much easier to leave... we stuck together.

i've never been married but i can tell you that love is the most important... but its not everything. Love keeps you together... everything else keeps you from going insane.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

We moved in together after 1 yr of dating, were married after 2 years of living together and we've been married for 3 years. (he proposed after we were together for almost 3 years.)

I knew he was the one after about 6 months of dating. He says he knew I was the one after the first month.

It wasn't like lightening across the sky or some super special moment that I was struck with "he's the one!" It was a gradual thing but I remember consciously confirming to myself one day after about 6months that yes I can see myself growing old with him and I can see myself married to him.

Another big thing for me was being able to say if I would be selfless in the face of an illness on his part...if he got really sick,do I love him enough to spend my days caring for him? My answer was yes so I knew he was it for me. That way of thinking might depress some but being in healthcare it was a huge question I had to ask myself.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I'd say, maybe about a couple of months after we met, (we met when I had only a few months left to go on a tour of duty in Korea-and it's the darndest thing, but I remember what I was doing at the time: I was reading "Moon Shot" and listening to Pink Floyd, the ending of "Wish You Were Here", and that's when it occurred to me-I want her to be my wife! ), and after I came back to the U.S., we kept up a two-year long distance engagement, and were married 2 years after we were apart by 6,000 miles.
Still going strong, 13 years and an 11-year old daughter later!


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Four years. We had our first child three years prior and were extremely young, though.


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