# Starting to move on



## OneLastTry (Sep 26, 2011)

Hello again. Just thought I'd follow up with my situation after my last post. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/32234-desperate-immediate-help-before-its-too-late-4.html

She agreed to write and send the NC letter, I gave her a day to do it but reminded her it was a must and that I would read it before sending it myself. Two days went by and nothing. I looked at her phone when she went to sleep and saw she had created yet another new gmail account to use google talk (her previous form of communication with OM). I confronted her about it and the reason she gave me was that she felt guilty that she dragged him along in her EA and was going to tell him about the letter and the reason it was coming. She claimed he was never on when she signed on and that she never actually did tell him about the letter. I don't believe her but I chalked it up to her still being confused about her actions. I didn't bring up the NC letter again because part of me just said "screw it, you need to move on so why waste your time making her write it?"

For the next few days after I just kept to myself around the house, hung out with different friends almost every night, went into work early & stayed later. Basically avoiding her as much as possible and giving myself a break. This went on for about a week. I asked myself after why I didn't just kick her out , and I honestly think I just didn't have the energy too right then and there. I wasn't avoiding it cause I still wanted to R, I just needed a break from letting the anger consume me. 

So after the week I took to step out of the situation for a break, I got really sick with a cold over a weekend and throughout the better part of a week and was too miserable then to confront her. She was cooking me meals without me asking, picked up cough drops, nyquil, and kleenex without me asking. I got sucked right back into thinking there was hope for a R. I opened up communication with her again. I thanked her for cooking and getting stuff to help with my cold but I told her I need a wife, not a nurse. I was still distant for a few days after, caring more about myself, but I decided to still communicate with her. I had setbacks where something would trigger my anger about the situation, but she seemed to roll with it. We went out on a date together, to a bar, for the first time in 2 or 3 weeks this passed Friday, and when we came home, we had sex for the first time in a Month. I brought up the possibility of an R again two days later, told her she would still have to send the NC letter and all that. She said shes afraid to attempt an R and then make a mistake that would hurt me again so I left it at that.

On a hunch, I checked her phone this passed Monday and saw that she never got rid of google chat, and how much she was using it. I confronted her and she said she was using it to talk to a friend (another guy) who's been depressed and admitted she was talking to him about marriage problems (just how the EA started with OM) and that she also talked to OM once or twice to ask about his mom who's supposedly dying of cancer. That was it for me, I told her I wanted her to leave. She agreed willingly, didn't put up any kind of fight whatsoever, didn't try justifying what she did, didn't try blaming me, nothing. I do know that she told her parents she moved out cause she needed time to think, not because I caught her doing dumb stuff again.

I went and had a consultation with a lawyer yesterday, which she doesn't know about. I know what the right decision is that I need to make but I'm taking a few days to put myself in the right state of mind to go through with it. I do know that she canceled the hotel in Vegas, but the ticket was non-refundable. I asked her today if she was still going and she said she was considering it cause she still has the plane ticket and she said the OM wouldn't be there cause he's at his "sick" mom's side. Part of me hopes she goes cause I could never believe she wasn't going to meet up with him. I told her to pay this months mortgage then out of her account because if anyone deserves a vacation its me and she paid it.

I know what decision is the best for me to do at this point, and that is to get out of the marriage. Whether or not she's being kind and going willingly out of guilt and remorse, shes not the person I once knew or feel I ever truly knew. I'm just looking for advice for avoiding letting the things shes doing out of guilt and remorse make the decision hurt more than it has too.


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