# How Do I Make My OWN Decision?



## geneseeker (Feb 5, 2011)

At this point, I feel like I have no idea what decision is the best for me. One minute, I am sure of divorce...the next, I wish that we could make it work. After less than 4 months of marriage, my H had a disgusting PA, which supposedly had no E side to it (even though the two were texting non-stop until I found out ~3 weeks later). His reason for the PA was that I wasn't giving him enough attention...me=depressed, 800 miles away from my family/friends/H, starting grad school, very demanding personality, etc. There were other times after this incident that I found out that he had been out at bars/clubs trying to pick up women, created online dating profile, talking with a woman whom he had an EA with during his previous marriage, and there may be more that I don't know.

When I found out, he got mad at me, called me terrible names constantly, and blamed it all on me. I quit responding to him, and he turned around and started the begging phase. Well, I was trying to figure out how to get the text messages transferred from phone to computer (and I'm not tech-savvy so maybe I will figure it out and post soon). Anyways, so now he is begging, crying, texting, emailing, calling, anything to get me back. I have told him that I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with someone I don't trust, and I don't see how I could ever trust him again. I am very analytical and think that everything means something, which he has always known. 

Then, today he sends me an email about how he talked to a preacher last night about everything. I have been asking him to talk to someone since all of this came out, and he hasn't wanted to. But, he said that last night he was reading his Bible (something that we haven't done in a while) and just called a guy that he hasn't known for a while...turns out this guy is a preacher. He is now saying that he isn't giving up on our relationship, no matter what decision I make. He says that I will be the only woman he is ever with again. He has said this before, and it hasn't been the truth. He JUST a few days ago set up the online dating profile, which he said he set up to see if I had one...but, then was sending messages to girls (they were very G-rated and friendly messages that didn't have anything to do with dating or any type of PA). 

My mother is telling me to run (and she's just as type-A as I am), my dad is against me being with him, friends now hate him, and I love him. I know that love doesn't go away for a very long time, if ever! How am I supposed to know though, if I could ever trust again? How do I make this decision without everyone else in my life making it for me?


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

mama knows best... annument

Sell yoru stock while your investment is low... if you have no kids, you can prevent a life long mistake.

are youreally going to spend years fixing this to always be in doubt? why build a house on a broken foundation?

You have very little invested at this point... get out before you lose the farm.


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

i agree with twotime


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Run. The heart break now will be less than the heartbreak and complication if you have kids someday. Run. RUN!


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## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

I could be considered on the fence here. With my story, everyone says that I should run, with the exception that we have a child. That being said, I am sticking around for the long run. 

Although, the repeated offenses says that you need to run as fast as you can.... Hold nothing sacred and get out!

Lets face it, you are in grad school(as I plan to be in a few years) you have nothing but a brighter future in front of you. If you have nothing more than attachment to him, then you should find someone who will be loyal to you. You deserve more than such...

Gfx


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## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

I'm not sure that you should run. Perhaps this is an opportunity for the two of you to build something bigger and stronger. Maybe he had some really bad demons inside him, and they only came out when he got that close to someone as he got to you. Maybe now they are out it's the chance for him to face them down, get rid of them, and be the person he's always wanted to be. If he's willing to do the work, I think you should at least consider giving him a chance. IF he's willing to do the work. But it's up to you. I'm just saying, it's not over until someone decides it's over.


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## geneseeker (Feb 5, 2011)

Well, another part of it all is that he was married before...cheated on her repeatedly. So, like Xena says, I thought that he had faced those demons and wouldn't do it to me. What a fool I was. He has been trying very hard for about a week. I'm finding myself NOT trying, though. I think that's a pretty big sign. I have moved 800 miles away, and am starting a new life. I am beginning to see that all of this is a good thing...I can start a NEW life without him. Like everyone here said, I think it is best that I look forward to my bright future. He will not be a part of it. Dealing with the stress of wondering for the rest of my life will drive me insane! I have to believe that I will one day find a man that will fulfill me completely and will be faithful. If not...I see lots of batteries in my future!


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Good for you!!!!!!


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## geneseeker (Feb 5, 2011)

Haha, thank you for the vote of confidence. I truly think I am making the right decision. I just wish that knowing that would make it easier to go through! All of these feelings are just insane. Why should I be embarrassed when I wasn't the one that cheated?!?


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

If thats the track record your not going to change him, I think I would be out that early on , do whats best for you, life is long yet short, were things so rough after 4 months? follow your gut good luck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If he is still in contact with the OW, run.


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