# Need help in what to do



## farmer-haig (Aug 13, 2010)

I have been married over 20 years. We have a nice house good kids and some money not alot but alright. My wife is a good mother keeps house up nice and always been faithful. When it comes to sex it just keeps getting less and less. I know as you age it slows down but it is to the point we don't sleep in the same bed anymore.I get mad the longer I go with out sex so we hardly even kiss.
She has had several excuses over the years like to busy or her religion. She is catholic. I even bought her a book on what catholics think is alright in the bedroom and what is not. She don't mind doing thing she wants that is against her religion but uses it as excuse for not having sex.
we average sex about three times a month total, that is once that is decent sex and maybe a quickie and maybe hand job. It has been a long time since a blow job.It has gotten to the point I am getting tired of fighting about sex I don't know if I should move out for awhile. find a girlfriend or just put up with not having sex.By the way I have been totally faithful in our marriage.
She also says she is totally turned off by my looking at porn on the net. I like to look at picture sites but it is when I have time and always free sites, I might spend 20 minutes a day looking at porn.
I don't think love is a problem i feel we love each other but she has no interest in sex and sex is a big part of my life. So I want some input from other on what to do.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Have you tried to have a conversation where you gently but firmly push past the "excuses" and get honest answers as to WHY she avoids sex with you?



farmer-haig said:


> I have been married over 20 years. We have a nice house good kids and some money not alot but alright. My wife is a good mother keeps house up nice and always been faithful. When it comes to sex it just keeps getting less and less. I know as you age it slows down but it is to the point we don't sleep in the same bed anymore.I get mad the longer I go with out sex so we hardly even kiss.
> She has had several excuses over the years like to busy or her religion. She is catholic. I even bought her a book on what catholics think is alright in the bedroom and what is not. She don't mind doing thing she wants that is against her religion but uses it as excuse for not having sex.
> we average sex about three times a month total, that is once that is decent sex and maybe a quickie and maybe hand job. It has been a long time since a blow job.It has gotten to the point I am getting tired of fighting about sex I don't know if I should move out for awhile. find a girlfriend or just put up with not having sex.By the way I have been totally faithful in our marriage.
> She also says she is totally turned off by my looking at porn on the net. I like to look at picture sites but it is when I have time and always free sites, I might spend 20 minutes a day looking at porn.
> I don't think love is a problem i feel we love each other but she has no interest in sex and sex is a big part of my life. So I want some input from other on what to do.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

The excusese are from your woman's insecurities.

She is insecure because she doesn't see your caving in as being nice, she sees it as she is not desirable enough for you to fight for her.

A woman WILL test her man. When her man passes these tests, he is happy and the landscape of his marriage is decorated with sex and respect and emotional security.

When her man fails these test, marriage is miserable and his landscape is littered with sexual frustration and resentment and emotoinal insecurity. 

Do not be defeated in your attitude, whether or not to fight for your woman for what you want, saying "sex slows down" (maybe after death who knows) but even so, I have been married going on 21 years and if a day goes by without sex or oral or some connection whether quick and lighthearted or dark and sinister, I would be alarmed! :scratchhead:

Search these forums, spend time at the men's clubhose to look for manning up and dominant man threads, even the nice guy threads. You will see the all to familiar scenario and more important you will see the fixing and maintainance steps to put into place to put things back into place for the happiness of both you and your woman.

I wish you well!



farmer-haig said:


> I have been married over 20 years. We have a nice house good kids and some money not alot but alright. My wife is a good mother keeps house up nice and always been faithful. When it comes to sex it just keeps getting less and less. I know as you age it slows down but it is to the point we don't sleep in the same bed anymore.I get mad the longer I go with out sex so we hardly even kiss.
> She has had several excuses over the years like to busy or her religion. She is catholic. I even bought her a book on what catholics think is alright in the bedroom and what is not. She don't mind doing thing she wants that is against her religion but uses it as excuse for not having sex.
> we average sex about three times a month total, that is once that is decent sex and maybe a quickie and maybe hand job. It has been a long time since a blow job.It has gotten to the point I am getting tired of fighting about sex I don't know if I should move out for awhile. find a girlfriend or just put up with not having sex.By the way I have been totally faithful in our marriage.
> She also says she is totally turned off by my looking at porn on the net. I like to look at picture sites but it is when I have time and always free sites, I might spend 20 minutes a day looking at porn.
> I don't think love is a problem i feel we love each other but she has no interest in sex and sex is a big part of my life. So I want some input from other on what to do.


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## MrP.Bodybig (Jul 21, 2009)

If you don't sleep in the same bed some times, is there an underlining problem? That might be causing stress to your relationship? When you approach her on the subject of sex do you force the conversation? Do you demand sex? Or do you go into it trying to understand her needs and being honest? If it is about her insecurities what have you done to make her feel sexy? Have you tried "wooing" her? Maybe take her out to eat and a film?


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## Bliss (Aug 19, 2010)

It is to easy for a wife/mother to get 'caught up' in everyday life. We get older and heavier. We do not feel sexy anymore. Then it gets deeper and deeper if nothing is done to bring her out of it. 

My husband and I were in this cycle for some time and it took the threat of infidelity to make us break through and really TALK to each other again. I was not feeling desirable and the longer this went on the harder it was for me to participate which made me feel like I was an end to his means. 

He did a lot of research looking for ways to make me feel good physically and emotionally which lead him to Tantric massage where he got some EXCELLENT ideas. 

My favorite was when he arranged for a quiet UNINTERUPTED evening, lit candles, soft music, cooked my favorite dinner, served my favorite wine and treated me like a princess all night (which included a 2 hour massage BEFORE we had sex). I felt like he really wanted ME and that made ALL the difference.

Give her lots of attention, hugs & kisses, that do not seem like you are asking for sex but just that you miss her and still love her and still find her desirable. Tell her every chance you get that you love her. Take it slow, it will take some time to bring her back but it will be worth it and she will love you all the more for it.

PS I am now researching ways to please my husband!


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

farmer-haig said:


> I have been married over 20 years. We have a nice house good kids and some money not alot but alright. My wife is a good mother keeps house up nice and always been faithful. When it comes to sex it just keeps getting less and less. I know as you age it slows down but it is to the point we don't sleep in the same bed anymore.I get mad the longer I go with out sex so we hardly even kiss.
> She has had several excuses over the years like to busy or her religion. She is catholic. I even bought her a book on what catholics think is alright in the bedroom and what is not. She don't mind doing thing she wants that is against her religion but uses it as excuse for not having sex.
> we average sex about three times a month total, that is once that is decent sex and maybe a quickie and maybe hand job. It has been a long time since a blow job.It has gotten to the point I am getting tired of fighting about sex I don't know if I should move out for awhile. find a girlfriend or just put up with not having sex.By the way I have been totally faithful in our marriage.
> She also says she is totally turned off by my looking at porn on the net. I like to look at picture sites but it is when I have time and always free sites, I might spend 20 minutes a day looking at porn.
> I don't think love is a problem i feel we love each other but she has no interest in sex and sex is a big part of my life. So I want some input from other on what to do.


Please search posts by BigBadWolf and follow them to a tee!!!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'd move back into the bedroom, quit looking at porn, and try the stealth approach (brush her hair, cuddle, lots of apparently non-sexual touching). Her motor probably still works but just takes a little longer to prime. My wife has low-libido and if she knows I'm touching her with sexual aims, she feels a lot of pressure and it ends badly. If I spend a lot of time rubbing her back, legs, etc, things often end up going my direction. Female low libido is very common. I most definently would not even hint at finding someone else. For one, sex is only one aspect of a relationship (albeit an important one). Secondly, whatever girlfriend you find could easily develop the same problem or one worse. You've got 20 years invested and she's apparently a keeper in all other respects. She probably hates feeling a-sexual and I seriously doubt she even knows why or has any control over it. I've read that about 40% of women have low libido issues. Moving out of the bedroom and looking at porn probably threatens her sense of security and that's counterproductive for you. I have the same frustrations you do, but I asked myself what I would want from my wife if I were maimed and rendered unable to perform sexually. I like to think I'd still be loved. Best of luck!


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