# Ladies! Some perspective on this please!



## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

So I "hung out" with a girl for a while doing things such as frequent dinners, movies, bowling, etc. We'd text/speak on the phone when weren't together. At one point, she started spending the night at my place 2-3 times a week which led to us being intimate.. After about 3 weeks, I expressed a desire to make things exclusive but she balked saying she just wanted to remain friends.

I decided to distance myself but have remained cordial with her. Since then, she has suggested we go to more dinners and/or go out for drinks and such but I've declined every invitation. What am I missing? She knows how I felt about her and wanted our relationship to go to the next level but she didn't. Why does she continue to present these invitations?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I'm gonna take a wild guess. You are paying for EVERYTHING when you 2 go out?

She wants to have fun with you/casual BUT CLEARLY no relationship.

Why would you sleep with her anyways? She is trying to blind you and get you to think with your penis (clearly)


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Did she give a reason for wanting to remain friends? I really hope you're not paying for every thing when the two of you go out.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Because she either has boundary issues or you haven't told her flat-out you are not into it.

This is your co-worker from the other thread, right? The one who essentially starting dating the other guy at your work and ditched you for him?

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/177770-i-dont-understand.html

Advice is simple. Say to her, "I am not interested in hanging out outside of work. Please do not ask again. Let's keep our relationship professional."

Reason #922 I do not EVER mix my professional life with pleasure. it is bad news. Especially if she is a nut.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

No, I didn't pay for everything. We would share the cost. If we went to the movies, I'd buy tickets and she'd buy the drinks/popcorn or vice versa. I think I actually paid for her dinner once. 

Well, just last night, I sent her a fb message that said if she has no desire to have a relationship with me, then I won't be accepting any of her invites. Maybe she'll stop now!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Yep...same girl!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She wants a FWB situation only - for whatever reason, she does not see you a long term relationship material, but still enjoys your company and more.

Since you want more than this, you are completely right to stop seeing her, as you will not get what you want from this.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> No, I didn't pay for everything. We would share the cost. If we went to the movies, I'd buy tickets and she'd buy the drinks/popcorn or vice versa. I think I actually paid for her dinner once.
> 
> Well, just last night, I sent her a fb message that said if she has no desire to have a relationship with me, then I won't be accepting any of her invites. Maybe she'll stop now!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stay away from her.

Friend like this is no good anyways. It will only stop you from finding the woman you really want.

No decent woman will accept a guy with a female friend like that......


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Married but Happy said:


> She wants a FWB situation only - for whatever reason, she does not see you a long term relationship material, but still enjoys your company and more.
> 
> Since you want more than this, you are completely right to stop seeing her, as you will not get what you want from this.


This is pretty much what I figured...FWB! Thanks but no thanks! 

I am not really affected dramatically outside of the confusion but I think, with someone not as levelheaded as myself, this could be a cruel and possibly dangerous game to play especially when someone has openly expressed their feelings. 

If my fb message last night didn't do the trick, my next response to an invite will!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> This is pretty much what I figured...FWB! Thanks but no thanks!
> 
> I am not really affected dramatically outside of the confusion but I think, with someone not as levelheaded as myself, this could be a cruel and possibly dangerous game to play especially when someone has openly expressed their feelings.


You are smart for knowing yourself and not putting yourself into situations that will lead you down a wrong path.

Good work!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

DoF said:


> Stay away from her.
> 
> Friend like this is no good anyways. It will only stop you from finding the woman you really want.
> 
> No decent woman will accept a guy with a female friend like that......



QTF.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> QTF.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Huh???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

Seriously? Are you trolling us? :scratchhead:

She wants a friends with benefits only relationship and you as a guy have a problem with this? :scratchhead::scratchhead:

If it was me I would be getting some serious counseling from all of my married and formerly married male friends to get my head on straight.  

Next you will be complaining that someone left a pile of gold bars in your driveway it's bothering you because they are too shiny and heavy for you to deal with!


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

Mark, I have to confess I was as flighty as that girl 10 years ago in my late teens and early 20s. I racked up tons of male friends, waited until they confessed feelings, then expected them to WANT to continue a platonic relationship. Why? It made me feel good AND I got a friend to "date" between boyfriends. 

I don't think she's being malicious but really, really stupid. She'll keep you hanging around until a guy she REALLY wants to date comes along. Just drop her and maintain a professional distance.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

marksaysay said:


> Huh???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Quoted for truth.
No decent woman will accept a guy with a female friend like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

married tech said:


> Seriously? Are you trolling us? :scratchhead:
> 
> She wants a friends with benefits only relationship and you as a guy have a problem with this? :scratchhead::scratchhead:
> 
> ...


Well, I am one who finds no satisfaction in that type of arrangement. I may be in the minority when it comes to today's men, but I'll gladly remain there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

marksaysay said:


> Well, I am one who finds no satisfaction in that type of arrangement. I may be in the minority when it comes to today's men, but I'll gladly remain there!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're not alone, dude. Sex needs to be part and parcel with a relationship for some of us.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

AnnieAsh said:


> Mark, I have to confess I was as flighty as that girl 10 years ago in my late teens and early 20s. I racked up tons of male friends, waited until they confessed feelings, then expected them to WANT to continue a platonic relationship. Why? It made me feel good AND I got a friend to "date" between boyfriends.
> 
> I don't think she's being malicious but really, really stupid. She'll keep you hanging around until a guy she REALLY wants to date comes along. Just drop her and maintain a professional distance.


I appreciate your honesty. I have done pretty everything thing in my power to just remain cordial with her at work. I don't go out of my way to strike up any conversations. If she says something to me, I respond. She is the one who has continued to push the envelope. I can count atleast a dozen times, if not more, where I've declined her invitations. Heck, she tried twice last night!

I think my fb message may have gotten the point across so we'll see what happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

As someone who has been in a friends with benefits situation I can tell you this is something *you don't want* it's a headache and emotionally exhausting. If you want a relationships you need to go else where she is using you for male attention and nothing more.



PS: be forewarned OP if you find someone else and start a relationships with a new girl she may start talking about moving things to the next level to put you back on the hook *DON'T BITE* you will regret I have been in situation similar to yours and it did not end pleasantly.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Since everyone's thoughts tend to echo my own initial thoughts, I should probably prepare myself to be a little more forward when she presents another invitation....and I'm sure she will!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> Well, I am one who finds no satisfaction in that type of arrangement. I may be in the minority when it comes to today's men, but I'll gladly remain there!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is VERY important. Knowing yourself and what you like.

What he said = your average/typical man that follows the herd (but usually doesn't even know themselves).

Just because it sounds good on the surface, doesn't mean it's actually good.

Very few can see past all the BS their penis leads them to believe......

Clearly you are a smart man, keep it up!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

AnnieAsh said:


> Mark, I have to confess I was as flighty as that girl 10 years ago in my late teens and early 20s. I racked up tons of male friends, waited until they confessed feelings, then expected them to WANT to continue a platonic relationship. Why? It made me feel good AND I got a friend to "date" between boyfriends.
> 
> I don't think she's being malicious but really, really stupid. She'll keep you hanging around until a guy she REALLY wants to date comes along. Just drop her and maintain a professional distance.


Correct, this OR she is simply that way and likes to play.

Nothing wrong with that, but it's not what OP wants/is willing to settle for.


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## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Ladies! Some perspective on this please!*



DoF said:


> Stay away from her.
> 
> Friend like this is no good anyways. It will only stop you from finding the woman you really want.
> 
> No decent woman will accept a guy with a female friend like that......


Very true, my BF had a FWB when I met him, and it still messes our relation up. It caused so much problems, I still have trouble trusting him and his morals...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It could just be a cultural difference.
There is the assumption that both parties want or should want to be partnering up exclusively, and for the long term.
But this isn't the case for some people.
It sounds like this girl is happy being friends with people and having sex as part of the friendship and doesn't see the sex part as belonging to a different category of relationship, at least for her.
You take care of yourself, set your boundaries for what you want, make sure you talk to your next sex partner about expectations before you have sex in order to protect yourself, and try not to be judgemental about whether or not this woman is a certain type. After all, you slept with her without making it clear that you only wanted a long term relationship with sex attached, not sex and friendship...if you were a woman you would already know what this is like. In other countries this would be completely normal, and you would have asked before jumping in the sack with your work buddy. Now you made a mess of things for yourself, and, tbh, you sound a bit flaky. Do a better job of making sure you're emotionally protected when you have sex. Clearly you are looking for a long term exclusive relationship, that doesn't mean it's the only kind of relationship out there worth having.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

As I have stated, I sent her a fb message that pretty much said that since she didn't see our relationship going anywhere, there is no needfor us to be hanging out. She simply replied with a thumbs up sticker. I dont know if she will stop, though, because I've said it before. 

I do wonder if my repeatedly declining her invitations makes her try harder, though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

What is it that makes me flaky? Please explain... 

By the way, on the previous occasions when she'd spent the night (with no sex), the subject was discussed somewhat, although not at a deep enough level. She said her next partner would have to be someone special. Two or three nights later, it happened and again the morning after so I "thought" I might have been that someone. I was way wrong!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It could just be a cultural difference.
> There is the assumption that both parties want or should want to be partnering up exclusively, and for the long term.
> But this isn't the case for some people.
> It sounds like this girl is happy being friends with people and having sex as part of the friendship and doesn't see the sex part as belonging to a different category of relationship, at least for her.
> *You take care of yourself, set your boundaries for what you want, make sure you talk to your next sex partner about expectations before you have sex in order to protect yourself*, and try not to be judgemental about whether or not this woman is a certain type. *After all, you slept with her without making it clear that you only wanted a long term relationship with sex attached, not sex and friendship...if you were a woman you would already know what this is like.* In other countries this would be completely normal, and you would have asked before jumping in the sack with your work buddy. *Now you made a mess of things for yourself, and, tbh, you sound a bit flaky.* Do a better job of making sure you're emotionally protected when you have sex. *Clearly you are looking for a long term exclusive relationship, that doesn't mean it's the only kind of relationship out there worth having.*




There was just something about this post that sounded like a lot of projecting.
First, the good advice. 

*"You take care of yourself.
Set your boundaries for what you want.
make sure you talk to your next sex partner about expectations before you have sex in order to protect yourself."*

That was all good.
The rest sounds like a lot of projecting.


*"After all, you slept with her without making it clear that you only wanted a long term relationship with sex attached, not sex and friendship...if you were a woman you would already know what this is like."*

Please, by all means, do tell us what it is like?


*"Now you made a mess of things for yourself, and, tbh, you sound a bit flaky."*

Flaky? How? Please explain.


*"Clearly you are looking for a long term exclusive relationship, that doesn't mean it's the only kind of relationship out there worth having."*

And finally the projecting.

Just because YOU think that the long term exclusive relationship is not ideal, does certainly not mean that it's not his ideal! Once again, please explain.


OP.
I posted on your last thread. At that time i stated it sounded like she was a cake eater. My opinion still stands. It sounds as if you know what you want. You may have let things get out of hand. I think you were right in asking if it was exclusive, as that is what you wanted. You are completely justified in your decisions regarding, not wanting a FWB situation. I don't understand that concept anyways. Really, FWB, exactly who's benefits in this? Kids these days!

Here are some questions to ask yourself.

1. Are you comfortable being used?
2. Is there any benefit for you in the way this is turning out?
3. Are you happy with being plan B, C, D, or F?
4. Are you happy with being the fill in between boyfriends?
5. Do you think a decent woman is going to allow you to get within a 100 yards of her, with a person like this hanging around?

I would tell her you made a mistake in letting a professional relationship cross over into a personal one. I would tell her that you will make sure that it remains a professional relationship, and that at no time will it ever be more than that. Then protect yourself, as you may pi$$ her off.

I still don't understand why you are hanging on to this. Move on already.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> So I "hung out" with a girl for a while doing things such as frequent dinners, movies, bowling, etc. We'd text/speak on the phone when weren't together. At one point, she started spending the night at my place 2-3 times a week which led to us being intimate.. After about 3 weeks, I expressed a desire to make things exclusive but she balked saying she just wanted to remain friends.
> 
> I decided to distance myself but have remained cordial with her. Since then, she has suggested we go to more dinners and/or go out for drinks and such but I've declined every invitation. What am I missing? She knows how I felt about her and wanted our relationship to go to the next level but she didn't. Why does she continue to present these invitations?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No offense, but just because she didn't have the same outlook as you, you ditched her? Maybe she likes to take it more slowly? Maybe she takes time to decide if you're the right kind of person for her to be exclusive with? Frankly, if a guy decided after only 3 weeks that we should be exclusive, it would be ME leaving the relationship, as that seems a little creepy to me.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

The reason I started this thread is because I HAVE moved on. I was simply looking for any additional advice because, in spite of how or how many times I reject her invitations, she continues to make them. No, I'm not comfortable being a backup plan. No, I don't like being used. I get all of that. I just want to make her stop thinking I'm ok with any of that. I haven't accepted any of her invites and don't plan on it. I just wanted to know what more I can do to make her stop trying to invite me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> I just wanted to know what more I can do to make her stop trying to invite me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nothing. You can't control her. So continue and actually move on.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> So I "hung out" with a girl for a while doing things such as frequent dinners, movies, bowling, etc. We'd text/speak on the phone when weren't together. * At one point, she started spending the night at my place 2-3 times a week which led to us being intimate*.. *After about 3 weeks, I expressed a desire to make things exclusive but she balked saying she just wanted to remain friends.*
> 
> I decided to distance myself but have remained cordial with her. Since then, she has suggested we go to more dinners and/or go out for drinks and such but I've declined every invitation. What am I missing? She knows how I felt about her and wanted our relationship to go to the next level but she didn't. Why does she continue to present these invitations?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_






turnera said:


> No offense, but just because she didn't have the same outlook as you, you ditched her? Maybe she likes to take it more slowly? Maybe she takes time to decide if you're the right kind of person for her to be exclusive with? Frankly, if a guy decided after only 3 weeks that we should be exclusive, it would be ME leaving the relationship, as that seems a little creepy to me.


I bolded the important parts of his original post.

"she started spending the night at my place 2-3 times a week."
Really, who allows this to happen and doesn't start asking questions? How does someone just have a sleep over between people of the opposite sex? I guess I don't comprehend the whole situation. What's the motive?


"which led to us being intimate"
Well it just kinda happened?? And, still no questions were asked?


"After about 3 weeks, I expressed a desire to make things exclusive but she balked saying she just wanted to remain friends."

I can logically see how this is a natural progression. I'm not real sure of how he let things get this far without some discussion.

I guess I fail to see *slowly* anywhere in that whole post. While I agree that 3 weeks is a short time to decide to be exclusive with someone, I don't see anything that says he has to be a walking d*l*o for her. He messed up and let it happen, now he is dealing with the consequences. 



Tall Average Guy said:


> Nothing. You can't control her. So continue and actually move on.


Agreed. You can't control her actions. What you can do is the following.
You set boundaries. 
You enforce boundaries as best as possible.
You made it clear the consequences for crossing said boundaries.
Protect yourself and move on.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I will readily admit it was all a mistake. I should've simply continued to turn her invitations down as I had done the 2 yrs prior to her becoming a co-worker. I shouldn't have allowed things to progress as quickly as they did with the sleepovers and eventual sex without putting things in the open. We were both having a good time with each other so I felt things were progressing towards what I wanted. 

In hindsight, I believe I was simply a person who was simply occupying space and that there was never an intent on her part to go further than fwb. It's just annoying that no matter how or how many times ive told her we wont be hanging out, she won't take no for an answer. But I know, I can't control her!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Your saying she pursued you for 2 years prior to this fling? Was there a reason that you turned her down in the past? Was there something that gave you pause about this person? Did you have any idea that this is how things would play out?

Regardless, you are in a situation. I wish I had better advice. As the story, stands it sounds like your being used as a toy. I cant blame you for not wanting that.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Unfortunately, yes, there were things I observed that caused me to stay away. So again, I take full responsibility for not sticking to guns and continuing to say no. Admittedly, the primary reason for my lapse in judgment was having not dated in 5 months (primarily by choice), so a gorgeous girl seemingly showing interest appealed to me. I, for a brief moment in time, lowered my standards (divorced from cheating wife) and ultimately set my self up for failure. 

We did have blast together with tons of laughter and playful banter, but truthfully, i knew it wouldnt turn out how i wanted. It has not been a wasted experience, though, because it taught me a few things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Well, I seems as though you did learn something through all this. So, use it. Move on and don't worry about her. You said you made yourself clear to her, so now its on her.

Best wishes.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> As I have stated, I sent her a fb message that pretty much said that since she didn't see our relationship going anywhere, there is no needfor us to be hanging out. She simply replied with a thumbs up sticker. I dont know if she will stop, though, because I've said it before.
> 
> I do wonder if my repeatedly declining her invitations makes her try harder, though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It does BUT it's all within your control to ignore her/block her and not reply (or pick up calls) etc.

In time, she will move on/give up....

But ANY reply/sign of your interest will reset EVERYTHING.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Is she still dating the guy/colleague she ditched you for? 

Goodness that entire situation at work must suck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> As I have stated, I sent her a fb message that pretty much said that since she didn't see our relationship going anywhere, there is no needfor us to be hanging out. *She simply replied with a thumbs up sticker. * I dont know if she will stop, though, because I've said it before.


What a weirdo.

My advice is to take her off your Facebook. Delete.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

She just sounds like someone who doesn't want to get tied down, to me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

She sounds like she has issues to me. And she also sounds like a stage-five clingers. Which is ironic since she used yu til she was good and done to go off w/ the other guy.

Frankly, I'd be freaked out working with her. Because she has zero respect for your boundaries, marksay, and people like that can be very bad for your professional life. She could start some serious sh*t at work. Watch your back.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

He wasn't a colleague but someone from her past who stopped into our workplace. And no, she isn't still seeing him. Not sure who her next victim is...lol.

I only work with her 2 or 3 days a week because this is my weekend job so it's not unbearable but annoying as heck. We barely interact outside of there. I said barely because her son (9 yr old) is a student of mine at my 1st job. I'm a former pro baseball player who gives private lessons (hitting, fielding, pitching, etc). I work with him once a week for an hour and today happens to be that day. I simply keep it professional there, too, only discussing with her things to remind him of during his practices and games. Last week she invited me to dinner with them after his lesson (I've know her and her son for 2 yrs).

I have also thought about her not wanting to settle down. She's a gorgeous girl with a quick wit and bubbly personlity who has no shortage of suitors. The thing that kept me away before was how I'd observed her inability to maintain a relationship, seemingly going from one guy this month to another the next. I shouldn't have allowed myself to overlook what I already knew.

Is she a clinger? I wonder. I just know that telling her no seems to keep her interested. She once said "I like it when you tell me no" after one of my many invitation declines. Sooner or later, I'm sure she'll stop asking. At least I hope so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> I only work with her 2 or 3 days a week because this is my weekend job so it's not unbearable but annoying as heck. We barely interact outside of there. I said barely because her son (9 yr old) is a student of mine at my 1st job. I'm a former pro baseball player who gives private lessons (hitting, fielding, pitching, etc). I work with him once a week for an hour and today happens to be that day. I simply keep it professional there, too, only discussing with her things to remind him of during his practices and games. Last week she invited me to dinner with them after his lesson (I've know her and her son for 2 yrs).
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh my..I'm sure you are kicking yourself in the azz but live and learn. My other concern is that even though you work with her 2-3 days a week, you are still connected in some way through her son. So, unfortunately, you do interact and it seems you "have" to because of her son's interaction with you being a student. It also looks like she is being very subtle in using her son in some way or another in all of this. Inviting you to dinner after her sons practice, with him present, is a direct sign of her being disrepectful of your wishes. Not only that, it's very disturbing!!

By some of the user's screen names on here, it is hard to realize who is male or female and you were asking for a female's perspective. At this point, and already on page 3 of this post, if she is still trying to stay on the topic of getting together, etc., your going to have to be more up front. Not by doing it on facebook, leaving messages, texts or whatever but face to face and away from work. If you approach her within the workplace, she can easily make your life hell and be a whistleblower for sexual harrassment. I'm not saying be rude but bluntly put it "I do not know how else to make it clear that I am not interested. You are not looking for the same thing as I am and I respect that, so please respect my decision that we are only co-workers. I only wish you the best". 

If I was her I would respect you for being that upfront and shows your good character, you have a plan and that you are a class act. If she looks at you as being selfish or not caring, then she is showing her true colors. It also shows what other posters on here have said, in regards to her being a cake eater, makes it all to clear!

Good luck!


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

married tech said:


> She wants a friends with benefits only relationship and you as a guy have a problem with this? :scratchhead::scratchhead:
> 
> If it was me I would be getting some serious counseling from all of my married and formerly married male friends to get my head on straight.


Maybe the OP has a future plan and it does not include having a FWB or sleeping around with multiple women? There is nothing wrong with this, it is just that the OP and the woman who is involved do not see eye-to-eye and are on a different life-path.

This might be hard to comprehend but I met my one and only FWB 25 years ago in my late teens. We were bowling partners and it worked for both of us. It lasted for an amazing 15 years! Yes, I said 15 years!! It just worked for us. I was a single, very independent woman. When I met someone new or I wanted to "date" someone new, I told him and vice-versa. We were best friends, lovers on occasion and were there for each other when a relationship we were hoping would end up being more "permanent" failed. We had boundaries and never crossed them (Ex: If either one of us was dating someone new, we went into friend-mode, asked how it was going, giving advice, stopped all physical contact, etc). I actually confronted my FWB asking him if he ever saw us being a couple on a more permanent basis with possible marriage, for we had an ongoing thing for 15 years and felt like we were soul mates. He told me he wanted to be a batchelor and did not see himself as the marrying kind. I repected that, found a man to marry, and it blew my FWB out of the water, for I believe he was really not prepared.

After 15 years, I was ready to settle and he was not. He never tried to stop me or tell me he loved me enough to marry me. We are all individuals and must live our lives the way we seem fit. I did not fight him or question him. I just moved on!


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I actually tried to have that conversation with her a couple of weeks ago. When she invited me to dinner after work, I accepted stating that I wanted to talk to her anyway. She didn't show because she likes to avoid sensitive subjects and I believe she sensed what I wanted to discuss. 

Other than my fb message and the repeated declines, no other attempts have been made.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuriousAngel (Apr 1, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I actually tried to have that conversation with her a couple of weeks ago. When she invited me to dinner after work, I accepted stating that I wanted to talk to her anyway._Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, I seriously believe that at this point you are trolling us and this thread needs to be closed. You ask for advice from the "Ladies", we give it to you and you ignore us. You tell her to leave you alone but yet you accepted her dinner invite? Not only that, she invited you *"OVER"* for dinner. How can she not show up at her own home?

Moderators, this thread needs to be shut down and even question this member's intentions here on this forum.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

You missed it! The previous poster stated that I should address the fact that I wanted nothing more than a coworker relationship in a face to face conversation outside of work instead of the fb message i sent. After weeks of getting these invitations, I wanted to do just that so that was the sole purpose of me accepting that invitation. She knew why I accepted so she didn't show up. And it was not a dinner at either of our homes, but a public restaurant. 

My plan was not to actually have dinner but to use the opportunity to say what I needed to say and leave!

No other invitation has been accepted since.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Maybe my fb message worked. Her son's lesson was strictly business with no invitations. 

BUT later I went to a high school baseball game (my friend is new head coach) and she and her son was there. At one point she noticed me but I kept my distance. Later, I was talking to someone and felt a touch on my neck...guess who? She tells me she's leaving and where she's going. I just said bye.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

OP stay the course don't let her sweet talk you back in


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Be careful OP, think about your job and the damage she might do to you there (if you don't do as she pleases etc).

This is where things turn ugly THUS "do not even THINK about dating co workers.....EVER"

Just not worth it in the end. Over the years I've seen SO many horrible situations. And I've seen success too, but the success rate seems to be so small it's just not worth it.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Mark, you are smart to have gotten out of this and to keep sticking to your guns. I am in this exact relationship with a man, and am kicking myself and fighting with myself constantly for staying in something that is not going anywhere. It should be easy to get out of, but it isnt, because I have such strong feelings and he has pretty much treated me like his girlfriend. I am constantly fighting with myself to get out of this. 

Stand your ground, just keep saying no. Eventually she will get it. (or she will fall for you because she cant have you....who knows.) Take it from someone too much on the inside.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> Maybe my fb message worked. Her son's lesson was strictly business with no invitations.
> 
> BUT later I went to a high school baseball game (my friend is new head coach) and she and her son was there. At one point she noticed me but I kept my distance. Later, I was talking to someone and felt a touch on my neck...guess who? She tells me she's leaving and where she's going. I just said bye.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She is manipulative.....

That touch, fact that she came over, what she said.....all of that plays tricks on you.

She knows all this.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

DoF said:


> She is manipulative.....
> 
> That touch, fact that she came over, what she said.....all of that plays tricks on you.
> 
> She knows all this.


That's exactly what I was thinking. I made no effort to approach her. She took it upon herself. I felt like her telling me where she was going was like an indirect invitation (this is where i'll be just in case you want to stop by). I didn't ask where she was going nor did I care!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> Eventually she will get it. (or she will fall for you because she cant have you....who knows.)


I'm not trying to create any attraction. Just want her to leave me alone. She had her chance and was clear she didn't want a relationship. Fine! Find someone else who wants to be fwb because that's not me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Interested to see what happens now! Met someone a few days ago that I've simply been trying to get to know. Won't be planning any sleepovers any time soon...lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Nope. The fb message didnt work!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If you're intimate and she doesn't want exclusivity in the relationship, you're friends with benefits. Unless that's the sort of relationship you want, OP, I would move on.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I figured that out a while ago. And I have moved on. She just won't leave me alone. 

And no, I don't do fwb!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Well, I know I'm setting myself up for some negative comments but I'll share anyway.

I admittedly and regrettably allowed myself to get sucked in again. It started one night when we ran into each other while I was doing some karaoke. She would come over and say something to me periodicalla and I would give a short response and move on. 

The next week, a mutual friend invited me to try out the hot wing special at her job. After about an hour, guess who shows up? This time, the conversation was longer. 

Later the same week, I went to a different place to do karaoke (I love karaoke...ok) and here she comes again. This time, we ended our night together. And since then, there have been a couple of dinners, some joking and playful conversations, etc. 

Last night at work, she said something that really hit me. The subject of her birthday, which is next week, came up and she asked if I wasgonna take her out. I said no. Then she said I'm not very good at telling her no. At that point, I realized it was really time to get off this ride. Later she asked to go to dinner after work. Again i said no. I called her after work and told her we would no longer be doing anything together and a few other things. She said something I couldn't make out and then hung up. At first I thought we'd gotten disconnected so I called back. She didn't answer. Oh well! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Didn't do things her way. Some people never change...


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Nope! Unfortunately, my telling her no again will probably cause her to her to pursue even harder now but I'm prepared for the long haul this time. I put myself in places I knew she frequented from time to time. Those interactions eventually led to this. I now know those places are off limits.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, she enjoys toying with you. It makes her feel good... it's fun for her.

Not so much fun for you if you want a real relationship.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

That explains why she hung up when I told her I would no longer be playing her game! It's gonna be an interesting night, though. On my way to work and she will be there. Ugh!

Never again will I involve myself with someone I work with!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> That explains why she hung up when I told her I would no longer be playing her game! It's gonna be an interesting night, though. On my way to work and she will be there. Ugh!
> 
> Never again will I involve myself with someone I work with!


Important lessons are often learned the hard way.


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