# Communication - Is it the key to a healthy and lasting relationship?



## CraigWestPsyD (Jul 28, 2010)

With the United States ranked #1 in divorce rates, you have to wonder what these relationships are lacking. If couples were given the beneficial communication options and taught effective communication skill sets, would the US divorce rate decrease? Striving to promote healthy communication between couples using various assessment tools, workshops and exercises can teach and enhance the communication within a relationship. What else can be done to open the waves of communication that are so important within a relationship?


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## SacredLady (Jun 24, 2011)

I do believe that communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If people can't communicate and express their emotions and thoughts, it not only creates stress, but also wrong decisions and problems. I spoke to my friend just the other day about communication in relationships. He believe that a sense of humor is critical because it releases stress. I agree; however, it is not as 'critical' as conversing. People do not know how to communicate. Divorce rates are also decreasing because more people are being educated. People learn initial communication skills from their households, parents. People will have to 'want' to go to enrichment programs to enhance their relationship. How many would actually do it is the question.


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

I've come to a pertinent realization that compatibility is much more important than communication. No amount of talking, heartfelt intentions, love or loyalty can change two people being a square peg and a round hole in a relationship (no matter how nice the square peg and round hole are as people ). What would be REALLY helpful is workshops/sessions couples can take BEFORE they get married in the first place that would assess their compatibility (including communication styles certainly but I don't really believe communication problems are the breaking point for most relationships- I think a lot of people get married who never should have to begin with).


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Even if you do learn to communicate effectively with a manipulative cheating lying abuser, all you end up with is more knowledge of a manipulative cheating lying abuser. Communication between two people does not fix issues that one person should have fixed or at least recognized with more honest and open communication with themselves. I think maybe you are onto something with communication, but I think it has more to do with people's honest communication with their own selves, if a person can't confront their own issues and truths, communication with someone else is ususally designed in some way to take something from that someone else that does not truly belong to the first party. Communication comes from within. A person who lies to himself and cheats himself will tend to lie to his partner and cheat on her too.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Communication is a really important ingredient in a happy marriage, but it's not the only one.

There has to be trust, shared values, willingness to compromise, and both partners have to love themselves and their partner. They have to have healthy and realistic expectations of marriage, too. And passion and friendship. A couple needs that, too.

Communication is a pillar of a good marriage, though.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

Communications to survive is not communication but communication without the emotional attachment is emerging over time only when one would know the other without the opposite


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I disagree with the OP.

If society needs to rely on, "various assessment tools, workshops and exercises" its already too late. Proper communcation isnt being taught to our children, and that is the issue as I see it.


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## evian123 (May 8, 2011)

Communication is critical to a good relationship IMO. While not all people share the same values, that's also workable to an extent. Communication is vital - but not just "How are you?" "I'm doing fine," kind of communication. The sort I'm talking about is the vulnerable sort where there is real exposure going on and people understand the other's feelings and POV and there is enough trust to be able to communicate one's vulnerabilities and in an open manner.

For example, you are going to a party, and one partner feels vulnerable for whatever reason. It's important to share that and say, "I feel a little overwhelmed here because I don't know anyone and these people know you better. Do you think we can stick together for the first 20 minutes or so and then when I get to know someone in there, you can go off and do your own thing. That would really help me alot."

Instead, most couples don't talk about anything, and wait to get home for an argument instead....


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

People today are already screwed by the time they marry. Our culture and society has ensured this.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

CraigWestPsyD said:


> If couples were given the beneficial communication options and taught effective communication skill sets, would the US divorce rate decrease?


I dont think teaching communication will change the dynamic that much. 

There were a few books that really changed the foundation in my relationship: Seat of the Soul, Radical Forgiveness, Boundaries in Marriage and one other that I cannot remember the name. The common theme in all these books is personal accountability, empathy, and respect. 

A couple can be taught over and over what the right words are for communicating, but if your heart is in the wrong place it doesn't matter what you say. You will communicate what is in your heart. If you have resentments, hate, co-dependency, victim, fear, etc then even if you say the right words they will not be received well. Thinking that communication will resuscitate a marriage is sort of like thinking that painting the outside of a dilapidated building will keep it from crumbling. 

Dont get me wrong, I think communication tools are important and I work at it all the time, but it is not what makes or breaks the marriage.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Blanca said:


> There were a few books that really changed the foundation in my relationship: Seat of the Soul, Radical Forgiveness, Boundaries in Marriage and one other that I cannot remember the name. The common theme in all these books is personal accountability, empathy, and respect.
> 
> A couple can be taught over and over what the right words are for communicating, but if your heart is in the wrong place it doesn't matter what you say. You will communicate what is in your heart. If you have resentments, hate, co-dependency, victim, fear, etc then even if you say the right words they will not be received well. Thinking that communication will resuscitate a marriage is sort of like thinking that painting the outside of a dilapidated building will keep it from crumbling.
> 
> Dont get me wrong, I think communication tools are important and I work at it all the time, but it is not what makes or breaks the marriage.


I agree with this. I think it takes LOT more than good communication to have a thriving marraige, unless 2 people are completely unselfish--NOT going to happen! 

This is taken from another post I did, I think the more we got "going on" on this list, the more free flowing and "easier" our marraiges will BE..



> Ultimately we are ALL selfish and simply want what we want, this is nothing new under the sun. Being aware of this fact of life & making da** sure we are compatible before we marry can avoid many many pitfalls after the vows....
> 
> What I will teach all of my children in how to choose a partner for life....this is my personal list so far...
> 
> ...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think in order to get married, it should take more than just getting a license. There should be mandatory counseling, at least a 6 months wait, etc...and then the divorce proceedings should be less crazy.

Basically, just flip it around. It can take an hour to get married in vegas, but then 6 months to get divorced. Makes no sense.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

CraigWestPsyD said:


> With the United States ranked #1 in divorce rates, you have to wonder what these relationships are lacking. If couples were given the beneficial communication options and taught effective communication skill sets, would the US divorce rate decrease? Striving to promote healthy communication between couples using various assessment tools, workshops and exercises can teach and enhance the communication within a relationship. What else can be done to open the waves of communication that are so important within a relationship?


Its not the relationships that are lacking. Its what has been trained and conditioned into our personalities. We are taught to expect instant gratification. We expect things to happen instantly and because of it, we accept lower quality in what we get. We expect things to happen with very little effort on our part. When something we have stops working, we quickly throw it away and buy another one. After all, the new one will be faster and have new features.

Guess what.......Marriage and relationships require exactly the opposite to that line of thinking. As a matter of fact, if you actually read what I wrote above, you can clearly see that this thinking is DEATH for relationships. 

It has nothing at all to do with communication. Its apathy, the perception of low value of the relationship, and the lack of any drive to put effort and time into it.

What Americans are very good at is talking, Unfortunately our culture has trained us not to take it further than that.


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