# dating a former lesbian?



## KeepGoing

This is kind of an odd question but I'm very serious about it. 

I am a 35 year old woman who has been in a relationship with another woman for the last 12 years (and legally married since 2005). She had an affair, and so we getting divorced. 

Before we got together, I had relationships with both men and women. Now that I am going to be single soon, I am starting to think that I might try to date men once I'm ready to start dating. I'm just curious how men my age or slightly older might react to dating a "former" lesbian. I've had family members tell me that a man wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me if he knew I had been married to a woman, but I don't know if that's just old-fashioned thinking or if there's some truth to it.

I am feminine and have a body type that some men seem to like, so I'm not too worried about attracting a man . . . I'm just not sure if I would know what to do with him, and if he would be concerned about my past. 

So I guess I have two questions:

1. If we were on a date and I said I was married to another woman for that long, what would you think? 

2. And this may be a dumb question, but though I've had plenty of sex with my wife but I haven't slept with a man for 13 years. Which means my experience with men is limited, and the experience I do have involved sex with guys in their early 20's. I would probably be dating men in their mid-thirties to early-forties. Is there anything I should know sex-wise about men that age?

I should probably try to dispel some common myths about lesbians--we rarely ever used sex toys, and we didn't have oral sex all the time. My stbx had very talented hands that could be in many places at once. 

Obviously it depends on the person but I'm just wondering what your responses might be. 

(I realize now that my screen-name might be read in a way I hadn't intended given the nature of this post. I was thinking more about it in the context of moving on from my divorce. )


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## MaritimeGuy

I think a lot of guys would be excited by this to be honest. 

As for what to expect from men today I don't think you have to worry about that too much. I would say across the board what most of us are looking for is enthusiasm.


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## barbados

I think complete honesty is the way to go while dating men at this point. What I mean is that if you just went and dated women, there would be no explanation necessary that you are now divorced from another woman. But for any man that you may eventually date, he is naturally going to have questions and/or possible concerns.


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## chillymorn

are you attracted to men?

or are you going for men because you were jilted by your woman/wife?

if you are not atracted to men and desire making love to a man then I would stay a lesbian.


I think most people in a long term marriage expect their mate to desire them sexualy.and eventually that will rear its ulgy head.

why not be single for a while until you figure out if your gay or not.


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## EleGirl

Some men might think dating a lesbian is cool, think of the possibilities, ya know.

But marriage or long term relationship is another thing. Some will accept your bi sexuality and marriage to a woman, some will not. We all have things that people will not accept.

There will be plenty of men who will not care about your being with women in the past. What they will care about is whether or not you are faithful and a good, loving partner.


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## youfutube

you should be just fine.


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## KeepGoing

Thank you for the responses so far. Though part of it is probably exhaustion from the drama that women can generate, I am genuinely attracted to men. They are just foreign creatures to me in many ways (not just sexually of course). 

I didn't have enough sex with men when I was younger to really get the hang of it, so I kind of feel like a 35 year old virgin.

I also know that my history raises the question of fidelity. But I was completely faithful to my stbx for 12 years, and her infidelity devastated me. If I was in a committed relationship I would be committed to that one person only. 

I know I need to wait a long while before dating, but thinking about these things helps me move on & be more positive about my future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

KeepGoing said:


> Thank you for the responses so far. Though part of it is probably exhaustion from the drama that women can generate, I am genuinely attracted to men. They are just foreign creatures to me in many ways (not just sexually of course).
> 
> I didn't have enough sex with men when I was younger to really get the hang of it, so I kind of feel like a 35 year old virgin.
> 
> I also know that my history raises the question of fidelity. But I was completely faithful to my stbx for 12 years, and her infidelity devastated me. If I was in a committed relationship I would be committed to that one person only.
> 
> I know I need to wait a long while before dating, but thinking about these things helps me move on & be more positive about my future.


I'm not sure that drama is just a female issue. Men can stir up a lot of drama as well. I think it's just people.

Work on yourself for a while. Get to be a better you. Find out more about relationships. I suggest the books "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". 

Do things that you enjoy. When the time is right, dating opportunities will just start to happen.

Even if you are busy with activities that you have done for a long time... add new ones. You might want to try the site Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup It's not a dating site. Check it out in your area and see what things are posted there.


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## justonelife

At this point, I would encourage you to keep your options open and not worry too much about the long-term. Date a few men and see how things go. If you find the right one, your past will not matter. Or you may find that men aren't your thing and go back to women.


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## meson

Dont worry anout the sex I bet most guys will find it a turn on. However like Elegirl suggested read up on relationships and especially transparency and boundaries. You will need to have your SO feel they can trust you around others including women.

There are a lot of people who don't believe in opposite sex friendships as a matter of principle for a married couple. If you start dating a person who thinks its best not to have opposite sex friends then when they learn of you past marriage they may wonder about your same sex friends which could be a source of insecurity for them and tension in your relationship. 

I know a lesbian couple who split up awhile ago. One of them now has a boy friend and it doesn't seem to be an issue. If it worked for her it can work for you. Good luck!


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## KeepGoing

Thanks for the tips--I'll look at those books. Yes, I love meet up--I've actually done some pretty fun things with them this summer. And I know that men cause just as much drama as women.

I like the idea of just seeing where things go. I have been hit on by a few men since taking off my wedding ring, and I was definitely attracted to one guy who actually seemed really nice. But I know I'm not quite ready for all that--the poor guy wouldn't know what hit him! And I've got sex on the brain--it's been 6 months! But I guess that's what porn & doing it yourself is for.

To be honest I would sometimes think about men while having sex with my wife. Not specific men, but, you know, male parts in general. So I'm not too worried about being attracted to men. I'm definitely bisexual. But these things take time, and obviously sex is only a part of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc

I think that whomever truly loves you will love you for being you, with your history and all. And if you love the person back, he or she will be all you need.


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## Shoto1984

I was fine with it. I might still be with her except that we were at different stages in life. She had had her kids and I wanted a few of my own.


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## awake1

Personally I would pay more attention to the length of the last relationship than anything, and how it ended. 

For example, if we started dating the fact that you're bi sexual wouldn't have too much issue. It would be that you were committed and did not cheat. 

Afterwards whether or not the bi sexuality bothers me would depend on how you would act in the bedroom. 

Also, if you ever mentioned a 3some i'd bail. "like hey lets get a girl" 

I know the cliche is that all men would want that. But they dont. In seriousness the # of men whod be interested in that is probably very small. 

Guys dont want to risk their primary relationship, and anyone but a fool knows an extra person is asking for trouble.


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## JustSomeGuyWho

Uhmmm, ya know ... I don't know. I think there will be plenty of men who either will not care or it won't bother them enough to prevent them from giving it a chance. 

Personally, I know several lesbian and bi-sexual women and while I can't put my finger on why, there is something about these women that I found unattractive. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a "gay" bias thing ... in most cases I decided that before I knew about their preference. I also have a brother who is gay and it makes no difference to me. I was happy when he came out and acknowledged who he was. I would like to think that I found these women unattractive for reasons that would also apply to them if they were straight and it just may be these specific women. It was almost as if upon finding out their preference that I thought ... ok, that makes sense. That may not be the case for a lot of men. I'm not saying that to discourage you but to simply share my own personal observation if you should encounter that. If you are feminine and are truly attracted to men then I imagine that could be quite alluring to a man.

I think if I was considering a serious relationship then I would have some concerns. Is she REALLY attracted to me or is there a different reason for her interest? Am I an experiment? What about trust ... if it is inappropriate or questionable for an attached straight woman to have close male friends then in this case, what about close female friends? What if she decides later on that a man is unable to fulfill her needs/wants, not just physically, but more importantly, emotionally. So yes, I would have a lot of questions and I would consider it a bigger risk. That wouldn't necessarily stop me, I may simply go with the flow and see how it proceeds.

Random Thoughts by JustSomeGuyWho 

EDIT: BTW, I'm glad you are now to the point of moving on. That had to be a terribly painful experience.


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## chillymorn

personally I wouldn't want to date someone who is unsure of their sexuality.

too risky here today gone tomorrow. 

with that said I'd ride it rough and put it away wet and then be on my way.

and thats what most guys will do take advantage of the situation until crunch time then on there way.


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## seasalt

KeepGoing,

Not a subject that I've ever given much thought to but it doesn't take long to come up with an opinion. Sort the wheat from the chaff.

I think that the best aspect you have going for you is that you've been monogamous for twelve years. It shows you can be in a committed relationship and have dealt with the ups and downs that happen in any and all relationships. I wouldn't however give too much information too quickly while assessing if feelings for a guy can develop. Try to get comfortable and make someone else comfortable with you before unloading.

By the way, men also have hands, lips, tongues and the added benefit of other penetrative body parts that have a pulse and are a part of and are integrally attached the person that can and will love you if that's what you are looking for. I'm too old to understand it but it also appears that the placement and amount of body hair can be negotiated with men now-a-days.

Which brings up this question. You ask about dating. You say you are feminine in nature and appearance. Are you hoping for a connection that will allow you to procreate in the traditional fashion? That's a very personal question that doesn't need an answer and totally your business but if you are then make sure you do your due diligence with care and for the right reasons.

You've been in love before and already know these things so as previously stated take what you need and leave the rest.

Good luck,

Seasalt


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## Woodchuck

KeepGoing said:


> Thank you for the responses so far. Though part of it is probably exhaustion from the drama that women can generate, I am genuinely attracted to men. They are just foreign creatures to me in many ways (not just sexually of course).
> 
> I didn't have enough sex with men when I was younger to really get the hang of it, so I kind of feel like a 35 year old virgin.
> 
> I also know that my history raises the question of fidelity. But I was completely faithful to my stbx for 12 years, and her infidelity devastated me. If I was in a committed relationship I would be committed to that one person only.
> 
> I know I need to wait a long while before dating, but thinking about these things helps me move on & be more positive about my future.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If I were single, I would probably be quite interested...especially if you were totally honest at the beginning....

I have enough of an ego to think I could be a very good match sexually with an admitted lesbian....

I am a student of sexuality and think I would be able to provide a rewarding sexual experience to a woman who was at least somewhat interested in sex with a member of the opposite team for a change.....

My wife was very man shy, and I was able do draw her out into an extraordinarily fulfilling sex life.....She is an exceptionally sexy woman, and makes me appreciate her more every day...Together 47 years so far.....

the woodchuck


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## COguy

I can't speak for most men, I can only speak for myself.

It would bother me.

In my mind I would always be questioning, "Is she really attracted to me? Is she going to ditch me for another girl?" If you were genuinely attracted to men and more bisexual I wouldn't refer to yourself as a former lesbian. I'd just say you were bi and in a relationship with a woman for a while. Which is probably more accurate anyway.

I, like most men, have a 3some fantasy, and think it's totally hot to watch two girls go at it. However, I would never want this with my significant other. That's something you would do with a throwaway girl, not a keeper.

Anyway my 2 cents. Some guys probably won't mind at all, some will. No sense crying over spilled milk. I would wait till like date #3 or so to bring it up though. I don't think that's first date material.


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## always_alone

COguy said:


> I, like most men, have a 3some fantasy, and think it's totally hot to watch two girls go at it. However, I would never want this with my significant other. That's something you would do with a throwaway girl, not a keeper.


"Throwaway girl". How charming. OP, you sure you want to switch?

Choose carefully!


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## ohno

Somehow in my life I have had a ton of experience with lesbians, so I will give this a shot. 



KeepGoing said:


> This is kind of an odd question but I'm very serious about it.
> 
> I am a 35 year old woman who has been in a relationship with another woman for the last 12 years (and legally married since 2005). She had an affair, and so we getting divorced.
> 
> Before we got together, I had relationships with both men and women. Now that I am going to be single soon, I am starting to think that I might try to date men once I'm ready to start dating. I'm just curious how men my age or slightly older might react to dating a "former" lesbian. I've had family members tell me that a man wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me if he knew I had been married to a woman, but I don't know if that's just old-fashioned thinking or if there's some truth to it.


As long as you are right up front about being bi, you won't have any problems what so ever. My sister is bi, was married, and has been only with women for most of her 48 years, the last 5 years being an exception. She had some of the same concerns as you (we are close, she is my favorite sister) but none of them played out. Being with women for so long though, dating men again threw some unexpected challenges her way. You might want to give reference to guys who have a developed feminine side so the transition isn't a shock to your system. My sisters boyfriend (has been a few years now) is very manly but also is in touch with his female side. They are a great couple. 



> I am feminine and have a body type that some men seem to like, so I'm not too worried about attracting a man . . . I'm just not sure if I would know what to do with him, and if he would be concerned about my past.
> 
> 
> So I guess I have two questions:
> 
> 1. If we were on a date and I said I was married to another woman for that long, what would you think?


I personally wouldn't care at all, but some men really would. I tend to have the general relationship conversation before I go on a date with someone. 



> 2. And this may be a dumb question, but though I've had plenty of sex with my wife but I haven't slept with a man for 13 years. Which means my experience with men is limited, and the experience I do have involved sex with guys in their early 20's. I would probably be dating men in their mid-thirties to early-forties. Is there anything I should know sex-wise about men that age?


Everyone is different but imo older guys tend to last longer but are quicker to run out of steam. In other words, it takes longer for them to get stimulated and have an orgasm, while at the same time they are not as young as they once were and will tire much faster. Flexibility can be an issue also. 



> I should probably try to dispel some common myths about lesbians--we rarely ever used sex toys, and we didn't have oral sex all the time. My stbx had very talented hands that could be in many places at once.
> 
> Obviously it depends on the person but I'm just wondering what your responses might be.


My wife is bi and before we got serious she had dated and had relationships with both men and women. She always told me that I make love more like a woman but that its a good thing lol. You might be used to A LOT of foreplay and sensual touching, and for you that might even be the main course. For most men, copulation is the main course and most attention is focused around the genitals. Everyone is different, I am just saying in general. Sex can play out as a kind of blueprint for everything else. Example- A lot of guys like to think they get right to the point or want to figure out a logical solution when their female partner brings up a problem while a lot of women might like to relate to what her partner is saying (or be related to) and offer some form of emotional support. 

Communication can be tricky. 

Oh well, hope it helped and good luck to you!


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## JCD

One suggestion: you will need to spend more time on dressing up. No...more than that.

Make up is almost mandatory. More jewelry. I am friends with two lesbian couples and the most feminine of the lot dresses like a soccer mom who doesn't care about her appearance. The others wear flannel (forget you know that word except for pajamas) ALL of them have shorter hair than I do...and I don't have long hair. Grow your hair out.

You can wrap a man's Christmas present in newspaper and we don't care. You can serve food in a bucket if we don't eat over a sink. We are quite a bit fussier about our women. You will likely have to up your time glam-scaping.

Here is an issue: how many GALA friends were you going to keep? Because keeping them will make many men concerned that you are hanging around them because you are attracted to them...and that they will pressure you for political reasons or try to sabotage your relationship.

One concern that pops into my mind is the biological clock thing. Do you want a man or is he the price you will pay to have a baby?

If I think that, some other men will wonder the same. It won't be easy but that doesn't mean it isn't worth doing.

As far as who you should seek: at that age any man is going to have baggage. You should look for a man who had a LTR (with a WOMAN) of at least ten years, married for preference. A man who has stayed single all this time probably doesn't have the skills to navigate these shoals.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

Wouldn't bother me, then again I reckon all women are bi-sexual anyways


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## keeper63

I don't know a lot of lesbians, but the handful that I do know seem to be OK with penises, but are not particularly attracted to the men that the penises are attached to.

OP, I would advise that you be open and honest about your sexual past when you are going out with men. I personally would not have any issues with dating a former lesbian. I might be worried that my oral skills wouldn't hold up to a woman with a lot sexual experiences with other women (not to mention "first-hand" knowledge of the female parts). I might also have some concerns about what she would be able to do with my penis due to lack of experience, but that would be a very minor concern.


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## RandomDude

Its not that hard to teach, stroke up stroke down, see that smile on your man's face? Yup, that means you're doing it right. Heh


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## old_soldier

COguy said:


> I can't speak for most men, I can only speak for myself.
> 
> It would bother me.
> 
> In my mind I would always be questioning, "Is she really attracted to me? Is she going to ditch me for another girl?" If you were genuinely attracted to men and more bisexual I wouldn't refer to yourself as a former lesbian. I'd just say you were bi and in a relationship with a woman for a while. Which is probably more accurate anyway.
> 
> I, like most men, have a 3some fantasy, and think it's totally hot to watch two girls go at it. However, I would never want this with my significant other. That's something you would do with a throwaway girl, not a keeper.
> 
> Anyway my 2 cents. Some guys probably won't mind at all, some will. No sense crying over spilled milk. I would wait till like date #3 or so to bring it up though. I don't think that's first date material.


This is my own personal opinion so please do not take this as a generalization for all, or most men. 

I am a huge fan of monogamy, I do not believe in sharing one's sex partner with another. If you did get into a committed relationship with a man, could you do that, I mean, never go back to having sex with another woman? Staying committed to one man?

The fact that you were married to another person, male or female, will probably not matter to most male suitors as long as you could stay true and monogamous to him. IMHO

Do not take this as gospel though, keep in mind there is still a lot of homophobia out there, be prepared for that.

Good luck.


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## Shoto1984

Its an interesting suggestion that a bi-sexual person maybe less able to be monogamous then a hetero or **** person. In my mind it doesn't really hold up. A monogamous commitment is to a person regardless of their gender. Right?


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## Jasel

Really depends on the guy. I don't think most would have a problem with it. I admit it would make me a bit leery and I probably wouldn't go for it but that says more about me than anything else I imagine.

Just put yourself out there, be honest, and don't force yourself to do anything you don't want or move faster than you're comfortable with.


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## old_soldier

Shoto1984 said:


> Its an interesting suggestion that a bi-sexual person maybe less able to be monogamous then a hetero or **** person. In my mind it doesn't really hold up. A monogamous commitment is to a person regardless of their gender. Right?


absolutely correct!


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## always_alone

JCD said:


> Make up is almost mandatory. More jewelry. I am friends with two lesbian couples and the most feminine of the lot dresses like a soccer mom who doesn't care about her appearance. The others wear flannel (forget you know that word except for pajamas) ALL of them have shorter hair than I do...and I don't have long hair. Grow your hair out.


Yes absolutely. Once you introduce a man into the picture it becomes all about him and his gratification. Never mind what her style, proclivities, or desires are. Male sexuality always trumps female.

I won't even touch the rampant assumptions about how lesbians look or dress. You may naturally meet their fantasy criteria, in which case you're golden.


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## chillymorn

always_alone said:


> Yes absolutely. Once you introduce a man into the picture it becomes all about him and his gratification. Never mind what her style, proclivities, or desires are. Male sexuality always trumps female.
> 
> I won't even touch the rampant assumptions about how lesbians look or dress. You may naturally meet their fantasy criteria, in which case you're golden.


all men?


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## JCD

always_alone said:


> Yes absolutely. Once you introduce a man into the picture it becomes all about him and his gratification. Never mind what her style, proclivities, or desires are. Male sexuality always trumps female.
> 
> I won't even touch the rampant assumptions about how lesbians look or dress. You may naturally meet their fantasy criteria, in which case you're golden.


If I am fishing for trout, I use worms. I don't call them evil or selfish and put a Milky Way on the hook just because it appeals to ME and I think they are wrong for wanting what they want.

And these aren't 'assumptions'. I saw how my lesbian friends dressed every day. Are you saying I am wrong? When did you meet them?

I've also seen a ton of newly married lesbians on television as the laws have changed. None of them were getting on the cover of Cosmo...or even GQ if it comes to that.

Men are visual. Period. IF she wants to find a man, and she did come here to find out how they differ from women, then she can listen to my suggestions or not. This is a vast difference between the genders.

After all, what do I know about men and what is attractive to them?

But you do whatever works for you ALWAYS ALONE.


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## always_alone

JCD, your post is offensive on so many different levels, I don't even know where to begin. I'll just leave it at that.


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## always_alone

chillymorn said:


> all men?


You tell me. You were the one to suggest that men would most likely take advantage, then cut and run.


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## KeepGoing

Thank you all for your comments. I was hoping for a range of responses, and that's what I received. There were some concerns raised that I had anticipated (the dildo v. penis showdown, the question about fidelity) and others I hadn't considered. 

Seasalt, what you said about a man who "can and will" love me really made me realize that is what I want--I know it will take time but I'll get there. 

And reading your comments has reinforced for me that dating at my age--regardless of sexual orientation--means dealing with other people's emotional baggage as well as my own. But I think there might be a maturity and self-knowledge that comes from experience that could be really wonderful. 

I understand that there are lesbian stereotypes, many of which are somewhat accurate, IMO. I pretty much look like my heterosexual friends--I'm naturally feminine in body type, I have long hair, my usual outfit is a dress & knee-high boots, etc. On the other hand, my stbx is a "gold star" lesbian through and through--she wears men's clothes and has a badass feminine / masculine quality that really appealed to me. 

Neither of us wear flannel, though  

It's actually a pretty big transition, so we'll see how it goes.


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## JCD

KeepGoing said:


> Thank you all for your comments. I was hoping for a range of responses, and that's what I received. There were some concerns raised that I had anticipated (the dildo v. penis showdown, the question about fidelity) and others I hadn't considered.
> 
> Seasalt, what you said about a man who "can and will" love me really made me realize that is what I want--I know it will take time but I'll get there.
> 
> And reading your comments has reinforced for me that dating at my age--regardless of sexual orientation--means dealing with other people's emotional baggage as well as my own. But I think there might be a maturity and self-knowledge that comes from experience that could be really wonderful.
> 
> I understand that there are lesbian stereotypes, many of which are somewhat accurate, IMO. I pretty much look like my heterosexual friends--I'm naturally feminine in body type, I have long hair, my usual outfit is a dress & knee-high boots, etc. On the other hand, my stbx is a "gold star" lesbian through and through--she wears men's clothes and has a badass feminine / masculine quality that really appealed to me.
> 
> Neither of us wear flannel, though
> 
> It's actually a pretty big transition, so we'll see how it goes.


I think that you can find a good man. You just need to be patient and understand that it's a slightly more tangled situation than most men (or women) are used to. However, I think it would be easier to come to grips with than a single woman with two teenaged kids and an stalkerish ex husband, so it's not all bad.

But by the same token, you will also be exotic, which may tempt some men to try harder to see where things are going.

I would reiterate the idea you mostly focus on men who had LTR with women, but hey, you may find a single diamond in the rough. All relationships are compromise. That doesn't change no matter the gender.

My tedious comments regarding appearance were not meant to suggest anything about your personally. I don't know you, I don't know how you dress. (Heck, dresses and boots will go a long way for a lot of men!) As stated, I've known several lesbian couples and they generally...dressed down. Heck, even many heterosexual females totally underestimate how visual men are...or just plain resent that truth. Q.E.D.

It is a good thing that you are attracted to manlike attire. It should make the transition to dating men much easier... Just expect even lower voices and more body hair. (and I am glad you have a sense of humor...that is another plus)

One book which I found very interesting was named "Self Made Man". In it, a Lesbian wore some make up and dressed totally as a man and entered the world of men, pretending to be one. I believe there is a lot of things she missed, but it was...insightful, particularly the section on dating. If you like to read, maybe look that up at the library.

Good luck. Frankly, I am curious about the differences you find.


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## JCD

always_alone said:


> JCD, your post is offensive on so many different levels, I don't even know where to begin. I'll just leave it at that.


And yet you were the one who kicked things off by saying all men were selfish and totally about their own self gratification. All I said was men were visual.

Hmm...


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## Runs like Dog

Former?


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## Deejo

Take a few dates for a spin. Choose wisely. Don't be put off if dude's aren't ok with your past. Their boundaries, their beliefs, their problem, not yours.

Dating takes some thick skin, regardless of your gender or orientation.

What could possibly go wrong?

Sorry about the affair by the way. I am friendly with a female couple going through the same.


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## Enginerd

If I was dating for the purpose of meeting my future wife then I would not. It would add too much complication to an otherwise complicated situation. It's been my experience that bi women go through various phases of attraction. Some years they like men and others no so much. I have several family members that have gone through the cycles. In the end the women always seem to have the deepest connection with other women. You say you're attracted to our private parts, but how about the rest? You said yourself we are a mystery so basically you're not sure yet. Just be honest with them and you'll figure it out.


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## Faithful Wife

KeepGoing...I have a similar background and situation, if you'd like to PM me I would be happy to discuss my experiences with you.


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## 6301

Keep Going.

Your going to have to look for the right guy for a couple reasons. Some guys may be cautious and there's a chance that they would worry that you would go back to being a lesbian and I'm not knocking your life style. People are who they are and it's their business who they want to be with, but my sister fell for a guy after her husband died and he "was" gay but now straight. As time went on he became less straight and more gay and started seeing men behind my sisters back. So much for that marriage. 

My advice? if your more comfortable with women, then find one who will give you the love and respect you deserve. A guy cheats just like a woman cheats so changing genders isn't the answer. If your a lesbian so be it. Just be more choosy and the right woman will come along. You sound like a nice sincere woman and I wish you luck.


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## camillaj

Enginerd said:


> If I was dating for the purpose of meeting my future wife then I would not. It would add too much complication to an otherwise complicated situation. It's been my experience that bi women go through various phases of attraction. Some years they like men and others no so much. I have several family members that have gone through the cycles. In the end the women always seem to have the deepest connection with other women. You say you're attracted to our private parts, but how about the rest? You said yourself we are a mystery so basically you're not sure yet. Just be honest with them and you'll figure it out.


This is just plain offending and biphopic.

6301: You can't just go back to being a lesbian, you either are gay or you are not. Keep Going said she is bisexual.


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## Speed

You will run into some men out there that will care. That is guaranteed.

You will also find some men out there that won't give a $hit what your past preference was. Go out. Have fun. See what happens.


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## Enginerd

camillaj said:


> This is just plain offending and biphopic.
> 
> 6301: You can't just go back to being a lesbian, you either are gay or you are not. Keep Going said she is bisexual.


I think she agreed that she is attracted to men as well. I'm not scared of bi people. I just wouldn't marry one. Its a personal choice that I have every right to talk about. Anyway she was asking straight men for their opinion. Sorry you're so easily offended. Must be a tough life to live that way.


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## 6301

Maybe I worded it wrong. I said my sister was married to a guy who claimed not to be gay any longer and I agree with camillaj, if your gay your gay and if your straight your straight. He was gay living a lie and the marriage ended.


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## camillaj

Enginerd said:


> I think she agreed that she is attracted to men as well. I'm not scared of bi people. I just wouldn't marry one. Its a personal choice that I have every right to talk about. Anyway she was asking straight men for their opinion. Sorry you're so easily offended. Must be a tough life to live that way.


Trust me, none of them would marry you either. Yes, it is though to live as nonstraight. You wouldn't know. It is offending to be dismissed just by your sexual orientation. What do they call it when you dismiss someone by their skin color?

6301: Listen this topic is usually made way more complicated than it is. People who say they went from straight to gay or gay to straight are most often than not just closeted bisexuals. Why? Just read what Enginerd is posting and you'll understand.


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## ET1SSJonota

camillaj said:


> Trust me, none of them would marry you either. Yes, it is though to live as nonstraight. You wouldn't know. It is offending to be dismissed just by your sexual orientation. What do they call it when you dismiss someone by their skin color?
> 
> 6301: Listen this topic is usually made way more complicated than it is. People who say they went from straight to gay or gay to straight are most often than not just closeted bisexuals. Why? Just read what Enginerd is posting and you'll understand.


Amusing that you can feel insulted by inference, but then feel just fine insulting outright. "Equality".


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## Healer

Some guys would be fine with it, others not. Be upfront and honest about it. Personally I'd be OK dating such a person, but I'd be a little weary about anything long term. But that's just me.


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## movealong

Interesting question/topic. One I have not considered before. As a man, I would worry about sex (once it got to that point). I may be wrong, never having been a woman, but it occurs to me that a woman would better know how to "please" another woman. And really, I think that would be my only concern. If the person fell in love with me, committed to me, and I was comfortable with it, I really think that would be "my" only concern.


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## Enginerd

camillaj said:


> Trust me, none of them would marry you either. Yes, it is though to live as nonstraight. You wouldn't know. It is offending to be dismissed just by your sexual orientation. What do they call it when you dismiss someone by their skin color?
> 
> 6301: Listen this topic is usually made way more complicated than it is. People who say they went from straight to gay or gay to straight are most often than not just closeted bisexuals. Why? Just read what Enginerd is posting and you'll understand.




I don't think I can trust you given your lack of clarity. Everyone is entitled to have a preference as you ironically pointed out when you were insulting me. If you are being dismissed for a job, school or bank loan for your sexual orientation then I totally agree. Not cool. If I dismiss you as a potential mate because I don't like your sexual orientation then that is my preference. Not the same at all.


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## camillaj

Enginerd said:


> I don't think I can trust you given your lack of clarity. Everyone is entitled to have a preference as you ironically pointed out when you were insulting me. If you are being dismissed for a job, school or bank loan for your sexual orientation then I totally agree. Not cool. If I dismiss you as a potential mate because I don't like your sexual orientation then that is my preference. Not the same at all.


Why would I need you to trust me I don't even know you. Besides the fact that I'm taken, you wouldn't get the chance to dismiss me because I don't hang with biphopic people. You will drive every bi woman (and most likely straight ones too) away when you open your mouth and start spilling your preferences.


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## Enginerd

camillaj said:


> Why would I need you to trust me I don't even know you. Besides the fact that I'm taken, you wouldn't get the chance to dismiss me because I don't hang with biphopic people. You will drive every bi woman (and most likely straight ones too) away when you open your mouth and start spilling your preferences.



You said "Trust me" in your first sentence. I see that your ability to discuss your position or express your opinion is limted to childish insults. You are making my point for me.


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## camillaj

Enginerd said:


> You said "Trust me" in your first sentence. I see that your ability to discuss your position or express your opinion is limted to childish insults. You are making my point for me.


As a rule, you should not trust anyone over the Internet on a discussion forum. It was just a saying but you took it literally... men. :scratchhead: 

And what was that insult again? You have expressed on this thread that you have an irrational fear towards bisexual women, that makes you a biphobe by default.


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## Enginerd

camillaj said:


> As a rule, you should not trust anyone over the Internet on a discussion forum. It was just a saying but you took it literally... men. :scratchhead:
> 
> And what was that insult again? You have expressed on this thread that you have an irrational fear towards bisexual women, that makes you a biphobe by default.



I never said I fear them. You said that. Now you label me because I said I would not marry a bi women. My sister and my mother are bi. My opinion was based on a lifetime of observation of my family and their social circles. I'm not religous and don't think being bi or gay is immoral. I believe its a natural variation of humanity. I think you need to work on the flawed logic driving your false indignation. I suppose anyone who disagrees with you is automatically labeled. It's ironic and I don't think you are smart enough to realize it.


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## camillaj

Enginerd said:


> I never said I fear them. You said that. Now you label me because I said I would not marry a bi women. My sister and my mother are bi. My opinion was based on a lifetime of observation of my family and their social circles. I'm not religous and don't think being bi or gay is immoral. I believe its a natural variation of humanity. I think you need to work on the flawed logic driving your false indignation. I suppose anyone who disagrees with you is automatically labeled. It's ironic and I don't think you are smart enough to realize it.


Do you judge ALL heterosexual women by your family examples too?


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## camillaj

Enginerd said:


> I never said I fear them. You said that. Now you label me because I said I would not marry a bi women. My sister and my mother are bi. My opinion was based on a lifetime of observation of my family and their social circles. I'm not religous and don't think being bi or gay is immoral. I believe its a natural variation of humanity. I think you need to work on the flawed logic driving your false indignation. I suppose anyone who disagrees with you is automatically labeled. It's ironic and I don't think you are smart enough to realize it.


Let's see what you actually said.


Enginerd said:


> If I was dating for the purpose of meeting my future wife then I would not. It would add too much complication to an otherwise complicated situation. It's been my experience that bi women go through various phases of attraction. Some years they like men and others no so much. I have several family members that have gone through the cycles. In the end the women always seem to have the deepest connection with other women. You say you're attracted to our private parts, but how about the rest? You said yourself we are a mystery so basically you're not sure yet. Just be honest with them and you'll figure it out.


Here you imply that: 1) bisexual women are not marriage material, 2) bisexual women have complications, 3) bisexual women don't know who they are attracted to, 4) bisexual women change their attraction constantly. I would definitely call this an irrational fear because based on a few family members you fear every bisexual out there. You can nice it out and call it "preference", I call it fear. I know it's not easy for a male to admit they fear something. 

I have news for you: *bisexuals are attracted to both genders*.


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## ntamph

camillaj said:


> I know it's not easy for a male to admit they fear something.


Yup, no generalizing going on here..............


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## Enginerd

camillaj said:


> Let's see what you actually said:
> 
> 
> 
> Here you imply that: 1) bisexual women are not marriage material, 2) bisexual women have complications, 3) bisexual women don't know who they are attracted to, 4) bisexual women change their attraction constantly. I would definitely call this an irrational fear because based on a few family members you fear every bisexual out there. You can nice it out and call it "preference", I call it fear. I know it's not easy for a male to admit they fear something.
> 
> I have news for you: *bisexuals are attracted to both genders*.




It appears you have a reading comprehesion problem, like to exaggerate and can't really understand your own logic.


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## camillaj

Enginerd said:


> It appears you have a reading comprehesion problem, like to exaggerate and can't really understand your own logic.


I'd rather be like that than a bigot like yourself. All there is left to figure out if you in fact hate all women.

Ps. and you didn't even answer the question which is because the answer is no and it would make your whole argument look foolish.


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## Enginerd

camillaj said:


> I'd rather be like that than a bigot like yourself. All there is left to figure out if you in fact hate all women.
> 
> Ps. and you didn't even answer the question which is because the answer is no and it would make your whole argument look foolish.


The only person spewing hate is you.


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## JCD

Wow...

Lighten up Francis...and Francine.

Go to your corners and let the judges sort it out on points.


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