# Menopause, vag dryness & 'porn'



## RandomFella (Feb 18, 2015)

My wife and I have just reached our 50's. We still feel young and are active but she has been feeling the symptoms of the dreaded menopause for a short while now. We have sex on average once a week which is generally quite satisfying – I always make sure that she orgasms. She has had vag dryness for quite a number of years now so we normally use lube.

A few years ago I decided to introduce ‘porn’ as part of our foreplay. Because of her catholic upbringing (she can still be quite wicked at times :smthumbup I had to choose very carefully so I started off with the ‘instructional’ type of movies. These are generally fully explicit and she would be wet and ready within 10 minutes of viewing. Periodically her catholic conscience would prick her and she would declare that she no longer wants to watch ‘porn’. We seem to be going thru a prolonged period of the conscience thing at the momen:scratchhead:t.
So is ‘erotica’ a cure for menopausal vag dryness , I ask myself or am I not trying hard enough. But hey, we’ve been together for 25 years !
I would like to hear from folks with similar experiences.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

RandomFella said:


> My wife and I have just reached our 50's. We still feel young and are active but she has been feeling the symptoms of the dreaded menopause for a short while now. We have sex on average once a week which is generally quite satisfying – I always make sure that she orgasms. She has had vag dryness for quite a number of years now so we normally use lube.
> 
> A few years ago I decided to introduce ‘porn’ as part of our foreplay. Because of her catholic upbringing (she can still be quite wicked at times :smthumbup I had to choose very carefully so I started off with the ‘instructional’ type of movies. These are generally fully explicit and she would be wet and ready within 10 minutes of viewing. Periodically her catholic conscience would prick her and she would declare that she no longer wants to watch ‘porn’. We seem to be going thru a prolonged period of the conscience thing at the momen:scratchhead:t.
> *So is ‘erotica’ a cure for menopausal vag dryness?*


*It would certainly stand to reason! It also should be somewhat reassuring that, since her viewing this erotica obviously helps with her lubrication problem, that the stem of that problem seems so much more psychological in nature rather than physiological.

Now if you can only get her past her "guilt complex" in watching it!*


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I agree with arbitrator, it appears to be a mental issue more so than physical if she can get natural lubrication from watching erotica but is dry without it. Maybe talk to her about what she finds so hot about the erotica, and if you can ask her honestly if she's having troubles being turned on by you in the bedroom. It may not be anything bad you did, but it may be that you two are stuck in a rut and she's bored.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I have vag dryness due to menopause too so we use a lube. Porn does nothing for me. I wouldn't be against watching it if my husband suggested it before we had sex. I need foreplay to get me ready so we just kiss and touch for a while and I'm ready to go.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Did you and your wife try coconut oil? If it doesn't matter whether the lubrication is naturally created or if you use assistance, my wife and I switched over to it because she suffers from periodic dry vag too. KY and astroglide was not cutting it for her, and we saw some threads here about coconut oil and we LOVE it!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

RandomFella said:


> My wife and I have just reached our 50's. We still feel young and are active but she has been feeling the symptoms of the dreaded menopause for a short while now. We have sex on average once a week which is generally quite satisfying – I always make sure that she orgasms. She has had vag dryness for quite a number of years now so we normally use lube.


Did you know that vaginal lubrication isn't fully dependent on sexual arousal? Did you know that the level of sexual arousal cannot safely be measured by the level of vaginal lubrication? IOW, the wetter she is the more aroused she is, cannot be said to be true in all circumstances.

Some women secret a lot of vaginal lubrication while others secret a comparatively small amount. Some times of the month vaginal lubrication practically runs down her legs after a simple kiss and other times she secrets just enough for safe penetration after hours of kissing and erotic touching.

Where she is in her cycle plays a role, where she is emotionally plays a role, how focused on her body's sensations plays a role, how engaged her mind is in what is happening plays a role, how hydrated she is plays a role, and as you're now discovering perimenopause and menopause play a role.

Vaginal lubrication cannot be used as a means of gauging her level of sexual arousal.



> A few years ago I decided to introduce ‘porn’ as part of our foreplay. Because of her catholic upbringing (she can still be quite wicked at times :smthumbup I had to choose very carefully so I started off with the ‘instructional’ type of movies. These are generally fully explicit and she would be wet and ready within 10 minutes of viewing. Periodically her catholic conscience would prick her and she would declare that she no longer wants to watch ‘porn’. We seem to be going thru a prolonged period of the conscience thing at the momen:scratchhead:t.
> So is ‘erotica’ a cure for menopausal vag dryness , I ask myself or am I not trying hard enough. But hey, we’ve been together for 25 years !
> I would like to hear from folks with similar experiences.


Using porn as a means of arousal driving is fine, but not all the time. 

I am 52 and have been in perimenopause for 7 damn years now! I use coconut oil every single time because I never know if I can or will produce enough lubrication.

My suggestion would be to mix it up more often. If you can discover what turns her on, what fantasies she has, you would do well to tap into those scenarios.

You know that saying, vote early and often? Goes for arousal building. Start early in the day and touch on arousal building often through out the day. Subtle things like a slow kiss on her neck as you stand behind her (for a lot of women that is instant arousal) to more obvious actions like whispering in her ear how your going to undress her later that night... All drive her arousal.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I've been married 23 years and my wife is also a "good girl."
She feels ashamed if we watch porn together.
My best advice would be to change things around. After so many years you can be lulled into a routine for sex. Try different places, different positions, different foreplay, just mix it up a bunch.
You can still try the porn, but not all the time. Maybe introduce the porn on special occasions.
I have also noticed that leaving town once every couple months to a nice hotel seems to spice things up dramatically.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I agree with Anon. 

I am in my 20's, and still use lube every single time. (coconut oil)

It's not that I can't produce enough, but the oils feels much better.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think this question is similar to a man using viagra. Is he not able to get it up because he has a genuine medical condition causing ED? Or is he just tired of the same ole same ole after 25-30 years and needs a little assistance? Makes you wonder, if your wife was with some new guy would the novelty of it all take away the need for lube.


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

The sight of male erect penis gets "all women wet" studies now show. Its a survival instinct. If a women is raped she needs to get wet or risk tearing and that could lead to infection and death.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think this question is similar to a man using viagra. Is he not able to get it up because he has a genuine medical condition causing ED? Or is he just tired of the same ole same ole after 25-30 years and needs a little assistance? Makes you wonder, if your wife was with some new guy would the novelty of it all take away the need for lube.


WOM your ideas may be true. Same ole same ole for anyone, man or woman, is not exciting. However, I guarantee you that in my case and other women of a certain age, using lube is a requirement no matter what is going on.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> WOM your ideas may be true. Same ole same ole for anyone, man or woman, is not exciting. However, I guarantee you that in my case and other women of a certain age, using lube is a requirement no matter what is going on.


Mrs. Conan would agree. She is another vote for coconut oil.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I have been married for 43 years and we are both in our 60's. KY jelly lube is required each and every time. 

There comes a time where you have to help mother nature a little. Emotional connection, mutual respect, lots and lots of foreplay and a little lube go a long way to preserving a healthy sex life.

Good luck, and if she doesn't like porn, forget about it and don't bring it up again.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> *KY and astroglide was not cutting it for her, *and we saw some threads here about coconut oil and we LOVE it!


Same here. Someone suggested trying Boy Butter, so I bought some online through Amazon. Works great, but for weeks thereafter I kept getting adverts directed toward gay men....heh. *giggle*


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Coconut oil is the very best! Inexpensive, all natural, found in grocery stores and is good for your skin!

And now we have yet another coconut oil thread....


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## RandomFella (Feb 18, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> Coconut oil is the very best! Inexpensive, all natural, found in grocery stores and is good for your skin!
> 
> Wow, she's a huge fan of coconut oil, she uses it for so many things like cooking, oil pulling etc. but has never tried it as a lube. I'm taking a jar to the bedroom tonight:gun:


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