# Real Family Values



## OldFashionedGuy (Dec 12, 2008)

Be definition, I have always stood out in my family, always the black sheep, and I've had one message that they have all completely ignored, but it's an ideal I feel all family's if they stive for, would benefit them greatly.

Family should begin with the husband and wife, those two must remain the center, the most important relationship and bond within the family structure. A strong couple will absolutely do wonders working together to be there for their children and extended family.

The immediate children should rank #2, they will grow up quickly and in the end, be the head of the family itself, so instilling values and priorities towards a human level is paramount. It will very much come back to you whether you want to agree with it happening or not, it's going to happen regardless of the family's structure.

Family should always be there for family. From a shoulder to cry on to help along the fiscal and career element. If all else fails, if the entire world is against you, you should always, absolutely, always be able to rely upon them, be it for a place to sleep to food, to having an extra hand to help you move or during emergencies. 

If you are in a poor family especially, pooling resources will catapult all of you forward in huge ways. If you are already well off, you have that much more resources to use and do so in a manner that is not about just accumulating more wealth, do so to improve the family image, to show that this legacy, this name stands for something substantially positive. These two should never really be seperated, for a poor family can and should be able to live out and do both.

What happens in this scenereo. The kids grow up not only seeing the good things going on around them, they also feel part of it and are perfectly willing to do what it takes, for they know what they have benefitted from it themselves growing up. Gramps spent the time that the grandkids wanted, the spouse feels loved by their own including the rest of the family, further inspiration to do even more and better and for a purpose. The extended family all benefit, and in situations where credit is needed between each other, it's fully extended, giving them that much needed security.

Overall, you are looking at much less stress in all of their lives, a lot less heartache, for they all share the pain as well as triumphs, a great deal more for each one to not only have on the plate in all areas current and future, and overall, a self maintaining system that works optimumly for everybody.

So, what do we typically have, honestly, what I just typed out is a fairy tail, right??? Actually, it's not, and in fact thriving quite well, but not in a manner you might think.

Look to the most primitive tribes on the planet, people that appear to be living in the stone age, take note as to what I just wrote, and compare it to their own family structure....

If you did not get my point here, look to the documentaries of these peoples, you see how little they have, but take note, they are not unhappy, they are in fact typically quite happy. They have to deal with many hardships the likes of which, many people would fail to cope with and literally die before being able to do so. We consider ourselves so far advanced to these people, yet in the end, really, how far advanced are we where it really counts?

I'll take poverty and love over prosperity and emotional desolation any day, unfortunately, we have chosen the latter thinking it's necessary to live in the modern world, well... it's not, it really doesn't have to be that way and with the new tools we have at our disposal, the possibilities are beyond what I can put words to.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

totally agree with you .. and you can have the fairy tale mosts days ..we all must learn to be a little tollerant of each others needs .. it took a while for me to understand that my mother in law needed to be part of my childrens life just like my own parents , i would always ask my parents to have my boys first not knowing id upset my inlaws by not asking them .... its called communication talking to each other ..my husband and myself laugh about this now ..but at the time it could have blown our relationship apart .

my husband and my boys are the first thing i think about each day family come a long way down the line ..and thats because we set boundaries and we love and respect each other for that


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I dont mean to keep annoying you by replying to all your posts, its just you remind me so much of myself. Boy I was so high and mighty. three years later, im down on my knees now. 

Not trying to take the wind out of your sails. But they call it theoretical for a reason. It doesn't apply to reality. If you want a dose of reality, stop draining energy in theoretical worlds of 'how it should be' and start looking at the relationships you have. think of a complicated relationship you are dealing with right now. how do you behave? how are you handling it? your marriage will get complicated and you will handle it the same way, if not worse. that is reality. if you keep living in 'how it should be' you will never deal well with how it is.


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## OldFashionedGuy (Dec 12, 2008)

I tend to take how it would be into how it is, I just want input just in case I make a mistake and did not recognize that I may be hurting others, well, at least others that I care about, and it takes a serious amount of effort to get put into that category of not caring......

I want to thank all of you for your input, it's helping me, in the least, to bounce an idea around for a while before making a decision. 

Later, Brian


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

always good to get others point off view.... i still find it hard to admit i made a mistake  but i do swallow my pride , as long as your wife and children come first and others are treated with respect you cant go wrong !!! i think


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## OldFashionedGuy (Dec 12, 2008)

Unfortunately, the reality if my own, I have no wife and kids, I found someone and we are planning upon getting married, and this ideal I discussed is what we both strive for, yet have found it lacking in both of our family's, so looks like we gotta be the ones to break the chain and show through example, this is how it can be.

There is going to of course another side of this coin I'm already facing, people are jealous about what we have already and have shown resentment in that regard. It's rather pitiful in my opinion, I have always been there to help my friends and family, only to get slapped in the face when things are turning out well and "functional" in my world, in particular, my close relationship with my sweetie. I guess misery loves company, I chose not to make their same mistakes, there is no past series of x's, and displaced children, and what we are establishing is clearly moving towards a highly functional, supportive situation and relationship, the likes of which, both of us have always strived for, but never found anybody that shared this view until we found each other.

This is going to be interesting watching things unfold, showing through example the value of a traditional, functional family unit, and our values do not revolve around material gain, we revolve around love and support for each other in all areas and nobody gets left behind.


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## Guest (Dec 22, 2008)

OldFashionedGuy said:


> Be definition, I have always stood out in my family, always the black sheep, and I've had one message that they have all completely ignored, but it's an ideal I feel all family's if they stive for, would benefit them greatly.
> 
> Family should begin with the husband and husband, those two must remain the center, the most important relationship and bond within the family structure. A strong couple will absolutely do wonders working together to be there for their children and extended family.
> 
> ...


I'd agree with you! :smthumbup:


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