# How did you find dating prospects in your 40s or older ?



## whitehawk

Hi people.
Seems l'm likely headed for the divorce stats , can't help but wonder what it's like dating or finding someone new after 18 yrs.
Been on the fence till now apart from a little poke about on a few date sites but can't help but wonder if it's gonna be harder with age .
Spose there's probably even more single women out there in there 40s and older than guys if anything l'm thinking but hey l don't know !
l still get plenty of interest when l'm out and about but then l haven't been trying to catch one yet , maybe that'd be a different story :sleeping:

How have you found it ,can you get a look in , is it harder ?


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## Mavash.

Must not be that hard because everyone over 40 that I know that has gone through a divorce is in another marriage or long term relationship now.

In fact one of my husband's good friends got divorced a couple of years ago after 14 years of marriage and he's got a very sweet girlfriend now. She's throwing him a 50th birthday party this weekend.


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## awake1

Like Mavash said, the prospects must be excellent. 

I know few, if any divorced men who stayed single long. Most had no issue meeting someone new.


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## Holland

Dating in my 40's was the best fun out of all the previous ages. I could have had a date with a new man as often as I wanted, lots of fun.

Just get out there and do it


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## Hoosier

I was married at 21, divorced at 52. I dated my x in high school, four years of college, married two weeks after graduation. I never dated much. So I cannot compare now to then, but was told that as a three P guy, (personality, property, paycheck). Things would be easy for me. AND THEY ARE RIGHT! At my age it really is "advantage man". I have dated a few women the last two years, could of dated many more, all of which were classy, professional and fun. Don't let the prospect of being single ruin your day....look forward to it!


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## whitehawk

Well , all l can say is thanks a bundle for lifting some very important spirits.
Best news l've had all day 
Just between you and me and a few million other people , l've been really worried about this one more and more as R looks to seem less and less likely.


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## MrK

My friend is 54 and doing pretty well on plentyoffish.com.


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## Deejo

If you are 40+, employed, not an emotional train-wreck and are in even mildly good shape; you will be beating women off with a stick ... unless you live in a yurt somewhere out on the prairie.

There is a very simple guideline to dating. You want to have interesting, fun dates?

Then YOU need to be an interesting and fun date.

Go for it. What could possibly go wrong?


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## southbound

Deejo said:


> If you are 40+, employed, not an emotional train-wreck and are in even mildly good shape; you will be beating women off with a stick ... unless you live in a yurt somewhere out on the prairie.
> 
> There is a very simple guideline to dating. You want to have interesting, fun dates?
> 
> Then YOU need to be an interesting and fun date.
> 
> Go for it. What could possibly go wrong?


This thread sure makes it sound easy. I am male and fit those categories, but I'm not beating them off with a stick. It's not that I'm really trying, but I haven't needed a stick yet. Perhaps living in a rural area is what the problem is with me.


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## greenpearl

I think finding a person is easy, but finding a person who you love is a different story. 

But if you are good looking, good figure, good income, and good mind, I believe you are a good catch. 

A forty-year old man can look for a woman who is between 30 and fifty. Many choices.


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## Mavash.

southbound said:


> Perhaps living in a rural area is what the problem is with me.


It's a numbers game yes. I live in the burbs near a large city. Lots of people here to choose from.


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## thatbpguy

whitehawk said:


> How have you found it ,can you get a look in , is it harder ?


I may catch hell for this, but dating in your 40's and 50's is way easy. True story, my best friend is 55 and divorced a few years ago. He dates consistently 3 times per week and gets more a$$ than a toilet seat. He has a so-so job and lives in a basement apt. 

So here comes my theory...

Women in their 40's and 50's feel the need to find a mate as they realize the years are slipping away from them. They still feel the need to be desired and to love. I don't want to use the word "desperate", but there seems to be more of an urgency for them. I experienced it as well dating in my early 40's. The women were much more aggressive than earlier in my life. And my friends in their late 40's and 50's tell me the women the meet are unbelievably aggressive. 

So have a good time!!


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## greenpearl

I am a forty-year old woman. If I were to look for a date, the first thing I look would be his appearance. When I was young, I wanted a man who could provide for me financially. As I grow older, I need a man who can arouse me sexually. Good looking is important. Second, I look for this man's personality. Is he a man who is honest and responsible? Third, I need this man to have a good income. He doesn't need to be rich, but I need him to have a good job and be able to provide. I respect a man who can provide. If he can't, I won't respect him, then I have no sexual desire for him. It's not even about money, it's about my respect and sexual desire. 

This question also tells me that I need to stay in shape and stay hot, good for my current marriage, and might be good when I am in the market. When you are eye catching, it's always easier for you to be sold out faster.


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## thatbpguy

greenpearl said:


> I am a forty-year old woman. If I were to look for a date, the first thing I look would be his appearance... As I grow older, I need a man who can arouse me sexually. ...it's about my respect and sexual desire.
> 
> This question also tells me that I need to stay in shape and stay hot, good for my current marriage, and might be good when I am in the market. When you are eye catching, it's always easier for you to be sold out faster.


Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.


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## greenpearl

thatbpguy said:


> Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.


I don't know what you mean. But my standards are just my standards. People are different and their situation is different. Ask what other women want if they are to look for a date.


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## Wiserforit

greenpearl said:


> This question also tells me that I need to stay in shape and stay hot, good for my current marriage, and might be good when I am in the market. When you are eye catching, it's always easier for you to be sold out faster.


Yes. My wife has done the same thing, including growing her hair all the way down to her butt. It requires brushing a lot, but wow does she look good. 

When I met her she had short hair.


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## southbound

greenpearl said:


> I think finding a person is easy, but finding a person who you love is a different story.


that's probably the think for me; finding someone I click with. I have no doubt that I could get a date of some sort if I tried, but finding someone that i have chemistry with is a different story.


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## Cosmos

I got divorced when I was 31 years of age and chose to focus on rearing our only child until he left home. Even if I'd wanted to date during that time, I'm afraid I was too busy working my tail off to support us for that to be a viable option... However, I met my SO when I was in my 50s, so I would say that the prospects are pretty good!


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## Deejo

southbound said:


> This thread sure makes it sound easy. I am male and fit those categories, but I'm not beating them off with a stick. It's not that I'm really trying, but I haven't needed a stick yet. Perhaps living in a rural area is what the problem is with me.


I know you don't live in a yurt, South.

I've never gotten the impression that you were heavily invested in dating SB. I believed in your case, (perhaps mistakenly) that if you met someone, great, if not, that was ok too.

All I can tell you is that when I decided to start dating, I did it it with a plan and a vengeance. I worked at it ... just like most other endeavors.

I live in a rural area as well. I'm about an hour away from 2 metropolitan areas. I can also tell you that most of my dates lived nowhere near me. I was traveling anywhere between 40 minutes to an hour-plus to go on dates ... and I was fine with that, well, because I wanted to be dating.

It wasn't easy when I started. But once I found my feet and had met and interacted with a number of women, it became pretty clear that I had lots to offer as a middle-aged, established guy.


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## whitehawk

Wiserforit said:


> Yes. My wife has done the same thing, including growing her hair all the way down to her butt. It requires brushing a lot, but wow does she look good.
> 
> When I met her she had short hair.



you lucky theng you. Dunno why the trend in older women is to cut their hair more and more like hubbys , love long hair on a women and hey , you notice her brushing it hey , how nice does that look right.


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## thatbpguy

greenpearl said:


> I don't know what you mean. But my standards are just my standards. People are different and their situation is different. Ask what other women want if they are to look for a date.


[sigh] greenpearl, you nullified my clever response. Let's try and keep that to a minimum as I rarely have a chance around here to give clever responses...


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## whitehawk

Bad news , l live in Yurt 
Well it's just as bad anyway , talent round here's shocking. They're big , they're fat and theys ugly.
Good news is l've never needed many women to start getting myself into trouble so the few goodies there are around , hopefully if l'm still firing.

My brothers a strange one. He's traveled and lived all over Asia for the last 15 yrs and he's dated some of the most beautiful girls on Gods earth but you know what , do you think he can get one to marry him ?
Not a hope in hell. He's wanted to get married for 16yrs to , wanted kids really bad. Said to him just the other night , man if l was exposed to that many beautiful girls l'd be in jail long ago - or warn out 
Good news on the home front for me is , the town l'm moving to when we sell is a gorgeous coastal town - not much talent and it's tiny but - 10mins down the road on the other hand , now that ones a different story. 10 mins away , maybe l can eat and run :rofl:'
4 mill tourists aa yr , spose l should be able to find something !

Nahh , one of the biggest things worrying me with someone talking needing to desire back there well hey , that goes both ways and finding one in good shape that l desire , that worries me.
Don't get me wrong , there's some great looking girls around but it seems most of them in that sorta age group are well and truly over fed and way overly self neglected .
Mind you not all , one l met was 43 and now she , was an exception . What a shame she was a bit mad.


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## whitehawk

greenpearl said:


> I don't know what you mean. But my standards are just my standards. People are different and their situation is different. Ask what other women want if they are to look for a date.


Thing is , they can want whatever they like just like all of us but hey , the real worlds a different scenario . First l wanna see her myself , then l think or not, about what she might want.
Going on my VAST 3wks experience on dating sites so far ha ha , there ain't too many on those that could be demanding 1/2 that , well not in reality anyway. l'm really hoping l've just been on the wrong ones !


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## southbound

Deejo said:


> I know you don't live in a yurt, South.
> 
> I've never gotten the impression that you were heavily invested in dating SB. I believed in your case, (perhaps mistakenly) that if you met someone, great, if not, that was ok too.
> 
> All I can tell you is that when I decided to start dating, I did it it with a plan and a vengeance. I worked at it ... just like most other endeavors.
> 
> I live in a rural area as well. I'm about an hour away from 2 metropolitan areas. I can also tell you that most of my dates lived nowhere near me. I was traveling anywhere between 40 minutes to an hour-plus to go on dates ... and I was fine with that, well, because I wanted to be dating.
> 
> It wasn't easy when I started. But once I found my feet and had met and interacted with a number of women, it became pretty clear that I had lots to offer as a middle-aged, established guy.


I'm sure your effort made a difference. And you are correct, I could take it or leave it. I guess I'm just looking for something to happen naturally like meeting someone at work.

I suppose I'm not fired up to put in all the effort that you did.


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## Mavash.

southbound said:


> I'm sure your effort made a difference. And you are correct, I could take it or leave it. I guess I'm just looking for something to happen naturally like meeting someone at work.
> 
> I suppose I'm not fired up to put in all the effort that you did.


My belief is rarely does anything happen "naturally". If you want it YOU have to make it happen. 

I dated a lot when I was younger but I put the work in like Deejo is now. I didn't leave it to chance.


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## doubletrouble

I got snapped up like raw meat in a dog pound. Ten years older than you, with a woman 11 years younger than me. And I had lots of interest, including a friend who wanted to hook me up with her successful, career-type women with interests like mine. 

Just make friends with women. They'll tell their friends and so on. networking.


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## greenpearl

whitehawk said:


> Thing is , they can want whatever they like just like all of us but hey , the real worlds a different scenario . First l wanna see her myself , then l think or not, about what she might want.
> Going on my VAST 3wks experience on dating sites so far ha ha , there ain't too many on those that could be demanding 1/2 that , well not in reality anyway. l'm really hoping l've just been on the wrong ones !


Here I am talking about what I might be looking for. 

Everybody's situation is different. If a woman has children to raise, she might look for someone who can provide for her financially. If a woman isn't attractive herself, I doubt that she will place appearance top one on her list.


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## treyvion

Mavash. said:


> My belief is rarely does anything happen "naturally". If you want it YOU have to make it happen.
> 
> I dated a lot when I was younger but I put the work in like Deejo is now. I didn't leave it to chance.


You have to at least want it... Then it will happen.


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## Holland

greenpearl said:


> Here I am talking about what I might be looking for.
> 
> Everybody's situation is different.* If a woman has children to raise, she might look for someone who can provide for her financially.* If a woman isn't attractive herself, I doubt that she will place appearance top one on her list.


What century are we talking about? I don't know of any women that want to find a man to support her children. In my world the women support their own kids along with the financial and physical support of the children's father. Co parenting is the norm here.

I am a financially independent women, I co parent with the ex so we support our children. My partner is in no way ever going to support me or my kids and I won't financially support him or his kids.


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## greenpearl

Holland said:


> What century are we talking about? I don't know of any women that want to find a man to support her children. In my world the women support their own kids along with the financial and physical support of the children's father. Co parenting is the norm here.
> 
> I am a financially independent women, I co parent with the ex so we support our children. My partner is in no way ever going to support me or my kids and I won't financially support him or his kids.


I agree with you. I really don't know what other women are looking for.


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## whitehawk

Deejo said:


> I know you don't live in a yurt, South.
> 
> I've never gotten the impression that you were heavily invested in dating SB. I believed in your case, (perhaps mistakenly) that if you met someone, great, if not, that was ok too.
> 
> All I can tell you is that when I decided to start dating, I did it it with a plan and a vengeance. I worked at it ... just like most other endeavors.
> 
> I live in a rural area as well. I'm about an hour away from 2 metropolitan areas. I can also tell you that most of my dates lived nowhere near me. I was traveling anywhere between 40 minutes to an hour-plus to go on dates ... and I was fine with that, well, because I wanted to be dating.
> 
> It wasn't easy when I started. But once I found my feet and had met and interacted with a number of women, it became pretty clear that I had lots to offer as a middle-aged, established guy.


Deejo, you have so inspired me.
Our main towns 35mins away and God do l love the type of girls up there.
You know how different towns have different types of people. Well this one's the perfect combo.
They're sorta really cruisey gorgeous natures but still very sharp , not hicky and great looking. That place seems to breed them .
l often have the most gorgeous encounters when l'm up shopping.
Was gonna move up there but it's a bit too far from my d so l'm taking the other place.


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## Dad&Hubby

southbound said:


> This thread sure makes it sound easy. I am male and fit those categories, but I'm not beating them off with a stick. It's not that I'm really trying, but I haven't needed a stick yet. Perhaps living in a rural area is what the problem is with me.


If you do meet those requirements. Put yourself on an online dating site.

Stick meet internet full of hungry ladies.


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## whitehawk

southbound said:


> This thread sure makes it sound easy. I am male and fit those categories, but I'm not beating them off with a stick. It's not that I'm really trying, but I haven't needed a stick yet. Perhaps living in a rural area is what the problem is with me.



Hey South , l'm actually glad it's sounding easy anyway .
Yeah l'm in a rural area too and not only as l was saying is the talent near nonexistent but l sure don't need a stick either right now.
Of course it might at least help if l at least got out a bit. Finances keeping up alone right now though , near impossible mostly. Although when l do get a good pay l'm usually outa here . Still , no sticks needed so far


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## Deejo

All of my dates were through online dating. If I had counted on 'organic' dating, meeting women in my area naturally, my date count would be exactly 0.

Hell I even met a woman in my town through online dating whom I had never, ever, seen before.
We met and the date was a one off, but I highly, highly suggest you take advantage of technology.

I live rurally, I travel often, and I work long hours. I simply am not going to meet the girl of my dreams while shopping or at the local church coffee hour.

Or if you do want to meet someone by chance than you need to put yourself out there ... often.

Basically what I'm saying is that you need to be aware and proactive if you have a goal of meeting a new partner.


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## treyvion

Deejo said:


> All of my dates were through online dating. If I had counted on 'organic' dating, meeting women in my area naturally, my date count would be exactly 0.
> 
> Hell I even met a woman in my town through online dating whom I had never, ever, seen before.
> We met and the date was a one off, but I highly, highly suggest you take advantage of technology.
> 
> I live rurally, I travel often, and I work long hours. I simply am not going to meet the girl of my dreams while shopping or at the local church coffee hour.
> 
> Or if you do want to meet someone by chance than you need to put yourself out there ... often.
> 
> Basically what I'm saying is that you need to be aware and proactive if you have a goal of meeting a new partner.


"The girl of your dreams" is a human being like the rest of us. Whose to say that you won't meet a lady who is very attractive to you and outstanding in your current environments.

Is it because the type that you are drawn to does not really exist in these environments? In your general area?

Are they in a different state or different country? Is it a complete physical appeal or phisod your looking for? What else do they do? That's usually my next question now, is what does this person do for you?


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## whitehawk

Deejo said:


> All of my dates were through online dating. If I had counted on 'organic' dating, meeting women in my area naturally, my date count would be exactly 0.
> 
> Hell I even met a woman in my town through online dating whom I had never, ever, seen before.
> We met and the date was a one off, but I highly, highly suggest you take advantage of technology.
> 
> I live rurally, I travel often, and I work long hours. I simply am not going to meet the girl of my dreams while shopping or at the local church coffee hour.
> 
> Or if you do want to meet someone by chance than you need to put yourself out there ... often.
> 
> Basically what I'm saying is that you need to be aware and proactive if you have a goal of meeting a new partner.



Yeah right . l am lucky that my d has lots of friends and some of their mums are cute but no action as yet. Not to mention my x situation .
Was gonna ask one until just last week l found her latest pics on facebook, haven't seen her for awhile. Unfortunately she's put on 3 stone , that was quick. :scratchhead:

But yeah l mean it fits the bill all the date site stuff. Not much joy there either though yet.lt's definitely an art form all it's own in this department.
Have had emails and a few replies , no joy yet 
Few shockers pestering me to .

Funny , haven't really seen any locals l actually know on mine but a few nice ones instead . But you know what , you email for awhile first don't ya , what if they know x , yikes . She knows everyone. Man that would be embarrassing .
Only had one reply from someone l really liked though. Not that l even had many replies at alll anyway , must've been a fluke :scratchhead:
But that was a few mths back when l was just looking round. Didn't expect her to reply but when she did l knew it was tooo soon for me and l let it go.
Feel like it now -maybe , but she's gone of course.
Don't think l'm any good at the online stuff tbh anyway , might'n't have a choice though.


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## Deejo

treyvion said:


> "The girl of your dreams" is a human being like the rest of us. Whose to say that you won't meet a lady who is very attractive to you and outstanding in your current environments.
> 
> Is it because the type that you are drawn to does not really exist in these environments? In your general area?
> 
> Are they in a different state or different country? Is it a complete physical appeal or phisod your looking for? What else do they do? That's usually my next question now, is what does this person do for you?


C'mon Trey, it's serendipity. It's either right place and right time when the stars align, or ... you take ownership of finding the partner you want to be with and therefore are proactive in seeking out, dating, screening, and interacting with a pool of potential candidates to find one ... or more ... people that fit your criteria for a long term partner.

Me? I've written about it before. My first date was a bust. I interacted with this woman for about 3 weeks prior to meeting her. Emails and then lots of long, interesting, fun, phone calls. We established a connection before ever meeting. And then when we did meet ... nothing, nada. No attraction whatsoever.

So I changed my strategy. Changed my personal rules. Primarily, 'Ask For The Date'. The point is to meet people, not become pen-pals or phone friends.

I also eliminated any expectation of outcome. I wasn't dating to find my soul-mate. I was dating to learn how to be fun and interact with the opposite sex again after 2 decades of monogamy. If we got along, great. If not that was ok too. I didn't personalize it either way. I am looking for someone very particular and special, I presume that any woman I meet feels the same way.

As a result, I had lots of great dates. Some turned into short term relationships. Some ended cordially and friendly, some were painful. It's all the price you NEED to be willing to pay if you want to play the Mating Game.


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## treyvion

Deejo said:


> C'mon Trey, it's serendipity. It's either right place and right time when the stars align, or ... you take ownership of finding the partner you want to be with and therefore are proactive in seeking out, dating, screening, and interacting with a pool of potential candidates to find one ... or more ... people that fit your criteria for a long term partner.
> 
> Me? I've written about it before. My first date was a bust. I interacted with this woman for about 3 weeks prior to meeting her. Emails and then lots of long, interesting, fun, phone calls. We established a connection before ever meeting. And then when we did meet ... nothing, nada. No attraction whatsoever.
> 
> So I changed my strategy. Changed my personal rules. Primarily, 'Ask For The Date'. The point is to meet people, not become pen-pals or phone friends.
> 
> I also eliminated any expectation of outcome. I wasn't dating to find my soul-mate. I was dating to learn how to be fun and interact with the opposite sex again after 2 decades of monogamy. If we got along, great. If not that was ok too. I didn't personalize it either way. I am looking for someone very particular and special, I presume that any woman I meet feels the same way.
> 
> As a result, I had lots of great dates. Some turned into short term relationships. Some ended cordially and friendly, some were painful. It's all the price you NEED to be willing to pay if you want to play the Mating Game.


Your out of the marriage game?

It sounds like that thing you was looking for was the hugest amount of initial attraction and spark. You know it's all based off a phisod, which may be true. But then again, what else comes along with someone of that phisod?

We're all guilty of overanalyizing this.


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## Deejo

treyvion said:


> Your out of the marriage game?
> 
> It sounds like that thing you was looking for was the hugest amount of initial attraction and spark. You know it's all based off a phisod, which may be true. But then again, what else comes along with someone of that phisod?
> 
> We're all guilty of overanalyizing this.


Going to take an EXTRAORDINARY woman to make me even consider getting back in the marriage game.

That biochemical grenade of attraction and spark that goes off upon meeting someone is always a wonderful thing, but, and I have said as much on several occasions previously; having chemistry with someone does not mean you are compatible for a LTR.

Thus ... why women can be fiercely attracted to the rock band bad boy, but when it comes to marriage, security, and raising a family, she is going to opt for the reliable CPA.
The trick is for the CPA to be able to set off the same triggers as the rock star.

I did not have that crazy, can't get them out of your mind attraction to the woman that I married. At the time, her love and support was steadfast. That won me over, and as a result I was very, very, committed to, and attracted to her.

Woman to whom I was engaged years before meeting my wife was exactly that crazy fireworks going off, chemical attraction. Lasted 5 years, but ultimately didn't work out.

How you come together doesn't much matter. Whether you meet in a chance encounter, or whether you have dated hundreds of people online. Whether you click instantly, or slowly develop a deep love and respect. What you both do and the actions you take to preserve the relationship and to assure you stay together, does.


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## Tomara

SUCKS! All the guys want Barbie Dolls and all the men are wowow's. Most of the men feel like it should be a one date night wonder and can't figure you why they can't sleep over. 

I'm not looking for perfect, but own home, car, decent job would be a must have lol


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## Deejo

Tomara said:


> SUCKS! All the guys want Barbie Dolls and all the men are wowow's. Most of the men feel like it should be a one date night wonder and can't figure you why they can't sleep over.
> 
> I'm not looking for perfect, but own home, car, decent job would be a must have lol


Whatever narrows the field, I say.

I used to joke with women that would share dating horror stories. I'd often say, "If that's my competition, I'm going to do just fine."


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## Tomara

Deejo said:


> Whatever narrows the field, I say.
> 
> I used to joke with women that would share dating horror stories. I'd often say, "If that's my competition, I'm going to do just fine."


I meant Bow wow's. :rofl:


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## Trickster

I am pretty close to a D myself. I have always been an introvert. I am getting better at it now. I am working on having friends...both men and women.

So for "practice" I've been asking my female friends. Mostly business associates and people I meet at social events to lunch dates. I even go on lunch dates with V.P of companies. Who would of ever though I would have the balls to ask a professional single beautiful successful out for a lunch date. 

I don't know if 45-55 year old women are "desperate" but I do know they seem to like to socialize. 

OP---You never know who will say yes to a date.

I just started to volunteer at an animal shelter. OMG...I cant even begin to count the single 50 year old women there. My soon to be single life may be fun. 

Put yourself out there and get involved with some type of social group. I don't mean a happy hour group either. 

I was even a sculling club for a while. Many single women there as well.

It does scare the heck out of me with the thought of being single. I am more optimistic now than I was 1 year ago.


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## whitehawk

Yeah scares the hell out of me too tbh.
My past was always a weird thing in the female department before l met x.
Most of the time l never knew many people or dozens of girls but somewhere sometime l'd just stumble over someone and bang of it would go.
Where as friends or just people you knew of were out chasing chasing , like even my brother , 15yrs all over Asia , nada.

So l'm not sure if l should just go with the pattern of my life before , always served me well , or do somem. Mainly because of where l am now , it's ike if l didn't do somem l'd grow old alone because there's no one around and l'm out of all the towns just on one ac alone .
But in my early days l was often alone then too but would somehow just stumble into someone. There were times where l knew good crowds and lots of girls around but mostly .

Do you people find when your out somewhere you just see someone and you know , that would do me just fine , she's perfect. Well l'm pretty fussy but that's how it use to happen for me.

Although met my x through this singles club thing. l was up from the city staying at the family weekender farm for 12mths. That area had some great girls scattered around on different properties and through local towns but being up from the city l knew no one.
So l joined just fro the hell of it this very simple newspaper singles club. No net then , ya paid your 50 bucks and bingo. Every week they'd just send you out 7 or 8 girls. Just one sheet of paper each and a few details , sometimes a pic. They all got your paper too and it was just up to who ever to decide to contact one on their list or not. Sometimes some would ring me or l'd ring someone.
Very simple , none of the bs of now and this internet suspicion and anylising - can never spell that damn word , but you just rang or they did , chat a bit , meet up if you wanted. It was such a simple no fuss setup like the world was 20yrs ago.

l was living and working at home up there for 12mths after l split from a girl l was living with. l knew , l could feel it , that whole 12mths that l was going to meet someone very special and l was basically ust biding time until she popped up. l could just feel it.

Well the Monday rolled around again, that's when your new lists would come, had a feeling and l was exited this week. There was about 8girls l think but as soon as l saw my x's paper l knew straight away. There was no picture on hers either.
So l rang and we sent each other pics -hmm , nice , and then we met.
As sson as l saw her l knew l'd marry her, right then and there.
Well l get that when l go out somewhere , every now and then you just see someone. Or it could be someone you meet through a friend or anything at all but l've jst tended to know how l feel straight away on sight . Been like that my whole life.

Yep , l wish that singles club from back then was still there , jsut the same as it was. It is still going but it's gone internet like all the rest and it's beautiful simplicity like most things in our world now is history. Such a shame.
This was just one guy , sitting at home in his living room , he actually told me all this because we talked a bit l remember. He ran ads in the paper , the people would call him , he'd make up their page and pop. They'd start getting posted out to any matches. 
Now he has this big flash city building full of computers and assistants , l looked it up. They had pictures of everything on his site . The world hey !

Anyway , you know what scares me right now , l feel nothing , no one , nada . Not use to that.
What really worries me is x and l shouldn't have split ,maybe that's why. Even she admits she forced it and it was the hardest thing she's ever done. Yep I said to her well , that tells you a lot you know , you only have to force things when they're are wrong for you. Made no difference .
Maybe l can't feel anything means we might even R , that doesn't look too likely though so. Never can tell l suppose. 
Dunno but none of it is exactly filling me with confidence right now


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## whitehawk

My poor sisters been single 23yrs and she's asked me a dozen times over the years if l felt anyone for her . l had to lie , just couldn't tell her but nope , not a thing.
Weird to because she's a great girls , nice looking , just no good at love l guess.
Real waste . If we were in the same areas l'd have a great girl for you guys.


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## Trickster

Whitehawk-

I remember those sheets of paper of possible women. My wife(gf at the time were split) I had several fun dates the my wife came back when she knew I was dating. (we weren't married then...

I don't know about these crazy dating sites. That seems so fake and people seem to put on their best thing. It's not their normal self.

I feel fortunate that I live in a large city and I am now involved with a life outside of my wife and daughter.

Find some hobbies that puts you close to other people, even other men. You never know who they know. 

What about taking a Saturday class at Home depot? Lots of single women there trying to learn how to fix things! 

Most of us men want to get "lucky" Women are everywhere. 

Put yourself out there.

I guess you live in a small town? 

Deejo said it. Sometimes you have to travel a little to meet the women. Find a hobby that puts you close to the women.


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## whitehawk

Trickster said:


> Whitehawk-
> 
> I remember those sheets of paper of possible women. My wife(gf at the time were split) I had several fun dates the my wife came back when she knew I was dating. (we weren't married then...
> 
> I don't know about these crazy dating sites. That seems so fake and people seem to put on their best thing. It's not their normal self.
> 
> I feel fortunate that I live in a large city and I am now involved with a life outside of my wife and daughter.
> 
> Find some hobbies that puts you close to other people, even other men. You never know who they know.
> 
> What about taking a Saturday class at Home depot? Lots of single women there trying to learn how to fix things!
> 
> Most of us men want to get "lucky" Women are everywhere.
> 
> Put yourself out there.
> 
> I guess you live in a small town?
> 
> Deejo said it. Sometimes you have to travel a little to meet the women. Find a hobby that puts you close to the women.



Thanks Trick.
You remember the sheets of paper , no [email protected] How cool was that, no fuss, no pressure, no bs , just beautiful simplicity at it's best.
Yeah look l'm not putting the sites down, for people they work for like Dj and others , it's nice to hear they're doing well . l can see a lot of people gell with them them just fine. But l feel like a bit a bit of a duck out of water on them myself so far , maybe time. 
l did discover at least to a lot of the girls actually feel awkward too though, so that's nice to know fellas.
One was just telling me last wk actually- via email, l'll never get use to the email stuff. Anyway we had a chuckle at how bad our profiles turned out and the sweating over trying to get em right, our bad pics :lol:
Unfortunately she's 4hrs away and l can't move away from my d so, otherwise though, she was really nice 
But it is nice to know the girls have a touch of anxiety about it too. 

That depot things not a bad idea, we've got a monster hardware that does all that 1/2 hr away actually.Singles hmm, must find the hammer 

l wanna start canoeing to as we've got a nice lake beach just 15mins over, lots of girls walking about. l can accidentally beach it and run into one , knock her [email protected]@ over, that order get her attention  , smooth!


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## whitehawk

Tomara said:


> SUCKS! All the guys want Barbie Dolls and all the men are wowow's. Most of the men feel like it should be a one date night wonder and can't figure you why they can't sleep over.
> 
> I'm not looking for perfect, but own home, car, decent job would be a must have lol


Thought of a way to put this.
So if they expect all that and , that hasn't even started on the marriage itself , then we expect some bang for our buck too !

But hey , think l might add a rich [email protected] to my list too, sicka working 

PS - this was all just in fun btw, needs a few smileys !!


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## Married but Happy

Returning to the dating world after 25 years of marriage was seriously the most fun and exciting period of my entire life. Mid-40's is a wonderful time to be dating for a man, IMO. I used various dating sites, but match was the best of the bunch, and I think it still is.

Of course, success depends on what you have to offer versus your expectations. It also depends on your attitudes towards women, your patience and persistence in seeking dates, and in-person impression.

I dated some truly wonderful women, and - because of careful screening before meeting anyone - never had a bad meet or date. YMMV. I met my wife on match over 13 years ago, and we're still going great.


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## Wiserforit

whitehawk said:


> My brothers a strange one. He's traveled and lived all over Asia for the last 15 yrs and he's dated some of the most beautiful girls on Gods earth but you know what , do you think he can get one to marry him ?


Then he's got issues they feel are dealbreakers.

I doubt there is anyone on this forum that can claim more rural than me. Starting from my property you can travel to the North Pole and down the other side into Russia and never cross a road. 

As a professor that was in shape I never had any trouble with finding younger ones willing to jump in the sack. It was just a matter of finding the swimsuit model that also wanted to gut fish and harvest/stack fifty thousand pounds of firewood a year. 

My Asian travels were not motivated by finding women, but holy toledo they're just brazen as can be. And they want marriage, not casual sex. If they see a chance of a lifetime they are going to pull out all the stops. They'll have their parents, friends, and neighbors all conspiring to land you. 

There's nothing unique about Asia in that respect. This happened to me all over Central and South America, and the states of the Former Soviet Union too. 

But that doesn't mean you just look for an overseas girl expecting to find a good match. I was doing my thing shooting alligators, leaopards, capturing giant anacondas, or in the case of the FSU, working. 

So that is the same old story of just doing the things that you are into and meeting people who have similar interests/background. You don't join a poetry club just to find women when you don't like poetry. You don't go overseas to grab a wife from a culture where the ladies pop bugs into their mouths like cracker jacks unless that appeals to you.


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## SadSamIAm

I am thinking that if I was divorced/separated most of my dating would be from people (mostly women) I know hooking me up with someone they know. 

It would keep me busy for a month or two. If that didn't amount to a relationship, then I could see it getting more difficult.


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## Wiserforit

Tomara said:


> I'm not looking for perfect, but own home, car, decent job would be a must have lol


Thanks for that!

Because an international relationship that has the girl wanting the exact same things takes a tremendous amount of scorn from malicious types.

People will insinuate she's merely a prostitute that has no love for you. 

It is really weird how the good things a man does can be twisted into something bad about him. Right on, I agree with your opinion here. It means the guy has his act together instead of being a bum. That is exactly what a woman should respect and admire a man for.


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## Blondilocks

southbound said:


> This thread sure makes it sound easy. I am male and fit those categories, but I'm not beating them off with a stick. It's not that I'm really trying, but I haven't needed a stick yet. Perhaps living in a rural area is what the problem is with me.


Perhaps, it's your red toenail polish.


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## whitehawk

Married but Happy said:


> Returning to the dating world after 25 years of marriage was seriously the most fun and exciting period of my entire life. Mid-40's is a wonderful time to be dating for a man, IMO. I used various dating sites, but match was the best of the bunch, and I think it still is.
> 
> Of course, success depends on what you have to offer versus your expectations. It also depends on your attitudes towards women, your patience and persistence in seeking dates, and in-person impression.
> 
> I dated some truly wonderful women, and - because of careful screening before meeting anyone - never had a bad meet or date. YMMV. I met my wife on match over 13 years ago, and we're still going great.



Really , that is nice to hear. All the best or the future to Happy.


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## whitehawk

Wiserforit said:


> Then he's got issues they feel are dealbreakers.
> 
> I doubt there is anyone on this forum that can claim more rural than me. Starting from my property you can travel to the North Pole and down the other side into Russia and never cross a road.
> 
> As a professor that was in shape I never had any trouble with finding younger ones willing to jump in the sack. It was just a matter of finding the swimsuit model that also wanted to gut fish and harvest/stack fifty thousand pounds of firewood a year.
> 
> My Asian travels were not motivated by finding women, but holy toledo they're just brazen as can be. And they want marriage, not casual sex. If they see a chance of a lifetime they are going to pull out all the stops. They'll have their parents, friends, and neighbors all conspiring to land you.
> 
> There's nothing unique about Asia in that respect. This happened to me all over Central and South America, and the states of the Former Soviet Union too.
> 
> But that doesn't mean you just look for an overseas girl expecting to find a good match. I was doing my thing shooting alligators, leaopards, capturing giant anacondas, or in the case of the FSU, working.
> 
> So that is the same old story of just doing the things that you are into and meeting people who have similar interests/background. You don't join a poetry club just to find women when you don't like poetry. You don't go overseas to grab a wife from a culture where the ladies pop bugs into their mouths like cracker jacks unless that appeals to you.


WF , l'm comin over , sounds surreal . l'm fascinated with that part of the world and especially the way you described it .
Where do all those girls hide out then anyway , in an area like that ?
Big animal skin coats and boots hey !

Yeah brother has got issues. he's always been just an odd guy and very unlucky in love . He's a funny person , couldn't even begin to describe him but he's female luck doesn't surprise me , or lack of .


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## whitehawk

SadSamIAm said:


> I am thinking that if I was divorced/separated most of my dating would be from people (mostly women) I know hooking me up with someone they know.
> 
> It would keep me busy for a month or two. If that didn't amount to a relationship, then I could see it getting more difficult.



Yeah our circle are mostly on x's side really so l've stayed away . There was one girl l thought about asking out if x and l don't R , we've always clicked.
Even she knows x to but anyway , she's let herself go big time since l saw her last though , can't believe the difference and gonna have to pass :scratchhead:


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## Wiserforit

whitehawk said:


> WF , l'm comin over , sounds surreal . l'm fascinated with that part of the world and especially the way you described it .
> Where do all those girls hide out then anyway , in an area like that ?


You have to import them. 

There is an expression on the North Slope of the Brooks Range where the oilfields are: There is a woman behind every tree. (There are no trees on the North Slope).


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## whitehawk

Wiserforit said:


> You have to import them.
> 
> There is an expression on the North Slope of the Brooks Range where the oilfields are: There is a woman behind every tree. (There are no trees on the North Slope).


That's a beauty :lol: , maybe you could plant some , save importing costs :rofl:

PS , so you've gotta carry all that firewood a long way to then yeah ?


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## Wiserforit

whitehawk said:


> That's a beauty :lol: , maybe you could plant some , save importing costs :rofl:
> 
> PS , so you've gotta carry all that firewood a long way to then yeah ?


I'm in the Interior. So we have plenty of trees. But not that many more women. 

We bring them in by snowmachine with sleds in the winter. In the summer by truck. For building logs though I raft them down the river and pull them out with a boom truck. These are the biggest, tallest trees. The river eats at the bank until they fall in. Once they do, they are common property and you can go get them for free. I think about people working 9-5 jobs while I am smokin' up a big fattie, riding a raft of logs down the river and wonder why nobody else wants to risk their lives having this much fun.


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## whitehawk

Ahh right so you just drag the women in with the snow machine :smthumbup:
Truck in the summer . l'd go the summer truck , bikinis , girls look good on a truck in bikinis :rofl:
Couldn't resist .

Nah , what a wonderful existence. See that's all just some of the things that just fascinate about over there . And like you said , the 9-5 real world, well to most of us.
Worrying about economies and our dollars, 24/7 just to exist. The trap !
When ever l see or hear about anything over that way just seems a world away. Beautiful incognito.
Do you sell the big river tree logs for building ?


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## DrSher

Good for you to get out. Yes, dating is WAY easier than before. Not only that, but I found it WAYYYY easier to date younger women than someone your age. 

However, for younger chicks, you have to sharpen up. Lose the gut and straighten up chest&aback while you do REAL squats. Then go in town. 

Consider a foreign trip as well. You will feel more laid back out of your normal zone. A colleague of mine went to Thsiland after his divorce and it helped him... To each his own.


Bottom line is that you have plenty of girls and the cool to be picky. Don't go from ash to fire!!


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## Begin again

Dad&Hubby said:


> If you do meet those requirements. Put yourself on an online dating site.
> 
> Stick meet internet full of hungry ladies.


It definitely goes both ways. I tried online dating for 3 months and dated men smarter, better looking, and more successful than my soon to be ex. I could have had a new date with a professional, handsome man nearly every evening I was free. It actually became too time consuming just texting, responding, and talking to all the guys. I'm 43 and separated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WasDecimated

> How did you find dating prospects in your 40s or older ?


Terrible! Bad enough to make me give up. I don't know where you guys live but there's nothing around here. I live in a big suburban area too. I was doing the OLD thing after my divorce was final but I gave that up. Lot's of quantity with little quality. All of the good ones seem to be taken...in my experience. 

I'm in my early 50's, fun, physically fit, great career, awesome home, several nice cars...etc. On paper, I should be living it up right now. The reality is I couldn't find anyone I wanted to go on a second date with.


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## Married but Happy

OLD worked great. Yeah, only 5% of contacts resulted in a date, and only 10% of those were worth dating for a while - but that's FAR better than I could have done otherwise. There is quantity, but the quality also exists - you just have to be very selective in who you decide to meet, and not meet poor matches even if you've hit a dry spell. I could have met far more than the 5%, but I decided not to as they weren't good matches.


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## Begin again

Decimated said:


> Terrible! Bad enough to make me give up. I don't know where you guys live but there's nothing around here. I live in a big suburban area too. I was doing the OLD thing after my divorce was final but I gave that up. Lot's of quantity with little quality. All of the good ones seem to be taken...in my experience.
> 
> I'm in my early 50's, fun, physically fit, great career, awesome home, several nice cars...etc. On paper, I should be living it up right now. The reality is I couldn't find anyone I wanted to go on a second date with.


I'm thinking that a man like you probably wants a woman 10 to 20 years younger, no kids, smoking hot... Am I way off? I see guys like you on dating sites and don't even bother with them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WasDecimated

Begin again said:


> I'm thinking that a man like you probably wants a woman 10 to 20 years younger, no kids, smoking hot... Am I way off? I see guys like you on dating sites and don't even bother with them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, you are not even close. A woman 10 to 20 years younger, no kids and smoking hot would scare the sh!t out of me! I have no interest in a women like that. She has too many options. It would be rare for them to remain faithful with dudes hitting on them daily. I also don't want the high emotional/financial maintenance that goes with her either. Honestly, the woman you described above would not be interested in me anyway and if she was, I would be suspicious and run... 

Although my My XWW was 9 years younger than I am, my OLD profile specified women within 5 years of my age...older and younger. I think that was pretty fair. I was looking for someone who is honest with similar background, interests, values and stage of life. Oh, and someone who isn't divorced because they cheated! 

After being financial raped in my divorce, I was also looking for someone who has their own career and can support herself. I am no longer a knight in shining armor. I have no interest in rescuing someone or a fixer-upper project. I seem to have met a lot of those and the "alimony is almost gone now...I better find a guy to support me" types. I've also met many women my age that are trying to relive their 20's...staying out late, drinking a lot, partying, picking up younger guys...etc. I was just looking for an adult not a women in the middle of a mid-life crisis. I just divorced on of those.

In my mind, I was looking for normal.


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## WasDecimated

Begin again said:


> I'm thinking that a man like you probably wants a woman 10 to 20 years younger, no kids, smoking hot... Am I way off? I see guys like you on dating sites and don't even bother with them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Begin again, I just realized how insulting your post to me was...wow!

I never expected such a negative personal response from someone posting on a site where we are supposed to be encouraging each other to look at all the positive things we still have left in our lives, after some of us have experienced horrible betrayals, to help rebuild our confidence to move forward to find happiness again. Apparently you disapprove of people who are honest, in the process of pulling themselves out of emotional chasms, attempting to think positive thoughts about themselves to mend what's left of their self-esteem.

It must be also be so amazing to be blessed with such gifted insight that you can judge and categorize someone from just one post. 

By the way, when I would get messages and winks from women like you on dating sites (still married), I didn't bother either. Women like you are one of the reasons I chose not to date right now



Begin again said:


> It definitely goes both ways. I tried online dating for 3 months and dated men smarter, better looking, and more successful than my soon to be ex. I could have had a new date with a professional, handsome man nearly every evening I was free. It actually became too time consuming just texting, responding, and talking to all the guys. I'm 43 and separated.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My description of myself was honest and meant to paint a picture and set a context for my situation. I was not bragging or boasting...like you.


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