# Death is better than divorce



## 3aucon (Dec 25, 2012)

Hello,

Good day.
Today i would like share my painful story of my life and need your suggestion.

I'm 28 years old guy and my wife is 26, we live in asia and had 4 yrs relation before marriage (2008). We still dont have kids but we planed to move overseas this next year and then go for kids. Both of us are service holder lived in a happy life though i am not a rich guy but falls in a medium class.

About me:
I was a christian studied abroad for 13 yrs. And my wife is a Muslim girl. When we was in love, my parents did not agree for further relationship with her but at that time we past couple of years together. I started working in 2008 when my parents left me. Later my dad and mom was divorced coz my mom had other relationship which i experienced when i was 7y. I just hate that type of break up, my family broke into pieces. 

Past life:
She decided to merry me without informing anyone, and i did what ever she said coz i promised her i could do anything for her(long time before). She also said to change my religion, and follow muslim, i have also done that becoz i feel love is the only path before religion as Jesus did. When my family left me, struggled to stand alone since no back up. We both was happy though it was low income and had several small fight, as we all do i married life. She was bored at home when i used to go for work but i use to call her every 2hr, she wanted to work as well but i told her not to.

Checkpoint:
Jan, 2012 she took a very good job and both got busy with our own work. Both come home and help each other for house work. From March she gets frequent call from her boss in late night and in weekends (her boss is 48y, very rich with 800k m/income), since my mom had relation, i always notice my wife every time and took better care not to face this kind of nonsense. I noticed 3 working days that, late at night her boss call and have chat for 5-10 min. Told her couple of days stop that and understood her the wrong thing she is doing. I asked her about it many times but she told nothing special, just a talk. On first week of May she was cough dating with her boss and i asked about where did they go and what they did, she said just a meeting nothing more then that but i always understand the lies waving in her eyes. That day we had lot of argument. From that day i dint even eat, work, talk with anyone. Just stood alone. After a few day one of my best friend call and told me to meet. I went to him and explain the situation going on with me, but my friend thought my wife had mental tired and suggest me to take her far place to roam for few days, but i was so broken, i didnt felt to take her with me anywhere but my friend told me this could be the solution, spend full time with her and make love. Believe me on the next week i changed my mood and took her to beach place for 6 days in a 5star hotel, spent 40k only for her shopping and more. Whole day i hold her hands and told how much i love her and old live stories but i never reminded her about what she has done with me. Had a great week but never thought about the nightmare which was on the way to pass by.

On July she was again caught with dating. I dont know about the past but this time she had room dating with her boss. I dont know what they did but i asked her directly about physical relation but she denied straight away, she said just a deep kisses thats all. I still dont know what actually happened. After that she promised me she will never talk with him unofficially and never meet again and finally never a single lie again, she begged me to forgive her.

At present:
She still talks to him when im not at home or go out for smoke break. When i come back i ask her but she lies me again, she dosnt know that i have set a call/ sms tracker to her mobile. I know the truth and have prove. Yesterday had lot of argument and i dont talk to her, we sleep separately in different rooms.
Everytime she ask me for divorce but i know she tells that by anger. She cant even stop loving me but i dont know that the heel is wrong with that old boss. Sometime i feel they both had physically connected thats why she loves him. But trust me i never embarrassed her with physical needs, maybe i can not give her mental satisfaction due to my work but except that everything are 100% efficient. 

Now please give me solution what should i do. I cant even divorce her coz i cant live without her and i have no one in my life to walk away, cant even die due to responsibilities and cant see her cheating face anymore.

I feel like if i could talked to GOD ask him is this what i really deserve after so much struggle, after not doing any unwanted relation with any girls, after being so honest to everyone. 

Is this the real life which i should deserve ??
Or i should kill all this kind of man and woman, who thinks marriage is a game...!!!
You tell me...

Will be waiting for suggestion.
Wish you happy life.
Take care.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

It's Xmas day in the USA which probably explains the lack of responses. There is a link in my signature below that says noob thread. Please read it, there is enough information in there to give you a start. Right now you are emotionally compromised (love crazy) and you can't trust your own thoughts. It's going to be o.k., stay calm, don't do anything you will regret. Your in a good place, people here will help you. Your not alone.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Yikes! You are in a pickle and no mistake!

Are there any counselling services available in your area?


----------



## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You are not going to stop her from having an affair by being afraid of losing her. You have to be willing for her to walk away, or you have to be willing to walk away, if she doesn't agree to end her affair, prove it to you, and let you verify it.

Ask her to handwrite a no contact letter to her boss, ask her to find another job, and ask her to give you complete access to all her communication devices and accounts, all passwords, so you can verify she ended contact with him. She should not be deleting any messages or browser history. She can ask you to do it if she wants anything deleted.

If she doesn't want to do these things, tell her you can't control her, only yourself, and you choose not to be married to someone who will not make you feel comfortable when you have legitimate concerns, you will not stay married to a person who is cheating on you. File for divorce. Never give up your sources of information, if you know something, just say that you KNOW, never say how you know it, let her think someone at work or outside of work is spying on her or has seen her.

You do know that if your wife was "room dating," that she had sex with this guy. You know that she still is talking to him outside of work, thus they still are having a relationship.

Buy a few voice-activated recorders and put one in her car under her seat with heavy-duty velcro and another in the house where she is likely to talk when you are not home or when you step out. You should be able to find out the truth of the situation within a week.

Wait to see what the voice-activated recorders turn up in the next week before telling the other man's wife/girlfriend, family, close friends, and work associates what is going on. Don't ever tell her what your plans are - if you are going to divorce, just do it, if you are going to expose her affair to others, just do it, don't tell your wife first because she will take actions to thwart it.


----------



## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

If she doesnt want to be with you then simply ..... walk away. There are far too many women out there to hold yourself to just one ..... one who unfortunately does not want to be with you ? 

Stay strong!


----------



## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

3aucon said:


> Hello,
> 
> Good day.
> Today i would like share my painful story of my life and need your suggestion.
> ...


 The fact that you are Christian and your wife is Muslim means nothing. She's cheating on you. Period.

You have no children. I would suggest you file for divorce and end this marriage. 

The fact that she chose to inform no one of your marriage should tell you something.


----------



## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

If you're not divorcing period then enjoy your **** life


----------



## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Death is better than divorce? Hell no. Being lied to and deceived is worse than death. Knowing the truth is empowering and taking the decisions that we need to, even the unpleasant ones, can set us free.

It is scary, difficult, and hard. Just wake up and smell the ****. It will pinch your heart like never before but once it is over (the divorce) you will be a better person and meet someone a lot better. Only by being free from the bondage you are suffering from, you can achieve long term happiness. We all deserve better than cheaters and liars.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Life is short, you can live your life like this (life of a cuckold husband) or live it with self respect and dignity.
Its your life your choice.

You are enabling her cheating by keeping your head in your a$$. You know she is banging OM but scared to confront with proof and expose her and OM to all the families and friends. Its time for you to come out of your shell you are living in and see the sh1t load you are living with.

Divorce is faaaar better than living a cuckold husbands self respect less life.


----------



## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

What you need is a break. We are habitual creatures. Break your routine. Give yourself a withdrawal period so that you can think clear. 

Do you want to stay with this person for the rest of your life?

Picture your life, ahead in the future when she has kids, or if you even have kids. What if you never have kids, she will keep dating her boss.

If she can date her boss, what keeps her from dating anyone else when she can just say she is dating her boss?

After she dates her boss and anyone else and you start having kids will you be sure they are yours? Will you have to check to be sure that they are yours?

If they are not yours would you leave? If they are yours would you still stay and let her keep dating? 

The question here is how much are you willing to take. What is your threshold, your limit of tolerance. What are your standards for a wife? No, you're "just" Christian, I am not being condescending in anyway but you can get divorced, you're not Catholic (which does not allow divorce and requires an annulment process). 

Don't take the mushroom treatment, where they give you crap and you stay in the dark.

Don't be a sissy man, you've been that all along.

Don't have sex with her, don't kiss her, don't touch her. 

You're early on in your marriage and she is already being outrageous with the terms she is on with her boss.

Her boss needs to get his own wife and/or if he has one to pay attention to his and if your wife does not want to stop out of dignity for her image as a woman and for your marriage and respect of you and the vows than they can all keep doing as they please while you go home and find REAL LOVE.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I suggest you notify the company she works at and expose the boss as having an affair with his employee.

I also suggest you notify the bosses wife that he is cheating on her.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She will continue if there are no consequence, if she knows you will not divorce her then she knows there are no consequences to her infidelity.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Shaggy is right...again another consequences that will help end the infidelity. 
Exposure, is the best tactic in ending the affair.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

When someone says they only kissed that is typical cheater code for "we had sex". My brother in law told me that and he was correct about what his sister/my wife told me. She said we only kissed and in fact she was having sex. You have to think the worst.

Sounds like you are deeply hurt but still in love. Take time to sort this out. Keep getting evidence and stop sharing what you know with your wife.

Tell her to end all contact with the OM. If it means quitting her job, so be it.

Tell her it is either him or you and you will not be shared.

And in my opinion I agree with the above posters that exposure ends the A quick. It did so in my case. Exposure is not without risk and it does not always work.

I am just over a year out from my D-day and it still sucks. My wife was building trust until about a month ago and something happened and I am just about at square one again. I will not give the details here in your post but it stinks. I am not sure if she met up with someone but her story is very fishy and the story she gave me might be true but it does not make sense as to where she was and what she was doing.

I share this with you to warn you that if you decide to work it out with your wife that trust is hard to build and it does not take much to break it once you have been betrayed. Some will tell you to walk away. Whether you D or R it will be difficult.


----------

