# sexless marriage help



## 343359 (Apr 8, 2020)

No one has yet to answer this question. Why so many sexless marriages. Just A lot of blaming the other sex. I want to know because I'm in one and I've been miserable for years! Yes I'm the woman an my husband is not that sexually active! I've talked to him but he gets a little embarrassed and little annoyed by the question? Please no cheating comments because it's not that. I want good information!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unproblematic87 said:


> No one has yet to answer this question. Why so many sexless marriages. Just A lot of blaming the other sex. I want to know because I'm in one and I've been miserable for years! Yes I'm the woman an my husband is not that sexually active! I've talked to him but he gets a little embarrassed and little annoyed by the question? Please no cheating comments because it's not that. I want good information!


Here is some good information. It's a long thread so read at least the first few pages as it links to some good information.









The Sex Starved Wife


I would like this thread to be a resource for women who are in sexless, or near sexless marriages in which it is their husbands who don’t want sex. I’m hoping that women dealing with this issue will post and talk about what they are going through. About 20% of marriages are sexless. A sexless...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com





Has your husband always been like this? If not, when did it start?

How long have you been married? How old are the two of you?


----------



## 343359 (Apr 8, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> Here is some good information. It's a long thread so read at least the first few pages as it links to some good information.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Weve been married for 5yrs together on and off for 8. It started our first year of marriage! It hasn't been the same sense our ages 27 and 30. He hasnt had a lot of partners an still shy an new to a lot of stuff when it comes to sex it plays a big part. Thank you for the info definitely will be reading it.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unproblematic87 said:


> Weve been married for 5yrs together on and off for 8. It started our first year of marriage! It hasn't been the same sense our ages 27 and 30. He hasnt had a lot of partners an still shy an new to a lot of stuff when it comes to sex it plays a big part. Thank you for the info definitely will be reading it.


Has he had T-levels checked? Sometimes the issue is low hormones.

Does he watch a lot of porn?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Unproblematic87, I would like to move your posts and my reply to a thread of your own in the Sex In Marriage forum. That way you will get more input for your issue. Is that ok with you?*


----------



## 343359 (Apr 8, 2020)

EleGirl said:


> *Unproblematic87, I would like to move your posts and my reply to a thread of your own in the Sex In Marriage forum. That way you will get more input for your issue. Is that ok with you?*


Yes that would be great! He does complain about being extremely tired all the time so it might be a possibility.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unproblematic87 said:


> Yes that would be great! He does complain about being extremely tired all the time so it might be a possibility.


Done.. if you want a different title for this thread, just let me know what you want.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Unproblematic87 said:


> He does complain about being extremely tired all the time so it might be a possibility.


You say that his sex drive seemed to drop after you got married. Was is much higher before? Sometimes, when something significant changes, it helps to look at anything else that happened at that time. Like we there a big fight? a death in the family? did his diet change significantly (could cause low T), did he start a new medication.

Do you think you could talk him into getting a physical and having this T-levels checked? There are some really effective ways to increase t-levels when it's low.


----------



## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

We'll, that the #1 excuse for not having sex. Are both of you hygiene aware? When your first yr honeymoon phase what was going on when he stopped needing it? Does he have bad habits? Porn? Masterbation? Gamer?

To best help you, more info is need.


----------



## Marriednatlanta (Sep 21, 2016)

What are your habits regarding fitness? What is your sex scale (being honest is good)? Do you rank higher? Him lower? Is he alone alot? Up late at night? Do you know his phone password? Is he secretive...? 

I was reading another post today -- the spouse was +300lbs and going the wrong direction. I'm sorry, that will effect anyones sex life.


----------



## NickiV (Apr 8, 2020)

Me and my husband have been married for many years and I know him since childhood. We went through different stages in all aspects, also our sex lives. I agree with trying to convince him to make an appointment at the doctor but your biggest challenge will most probably be to get him to talk. We all know that it is harder for a lot of men to talk about their emotions. Some men likes making jokes about sex but will find it very hard to discuss it. Especially good men are shy to admit what they struggle with. Just remember that, if you get him to talk, you must be ready to face what ever comes out of his mouth. Even if he admits stuff like struggling with porn or even child porn, you will have to be there for him. You will have to praise him for admitting whatever he struggles with and be able to support him to. Discovering the sexual secrets of a man makes him feel extremely vulnerable. Remember that many of these things will never go away. You will not be able to fix him. He will only be able to find ways to cope with it without letting it get out of hand. And on occasion, when it does, you can not judge him but need to encourage him by letting him know that you are there for him through his struggles.
I have found that most of my husbands sexuality has been formed in his preteens and as I have started to discuss it with my friends I discovered that it is the same for their husbands. Here is a silly little ritual that made a big difference in my marriage. When we go to bed, me and my husband falls asleep while I hold his penis in my hand. Little boys hold their penises when they need comfort. Big boys too.
Discussing childhood experiences makes a big difference. Many of the sexual needs of men has there roots in their childhood. Discovering those roots sometimes helps to unlock a husband's sexuality. As I got older I started to incorporate many of my husbands childhood experiences and it has an extremely positive influence in our marriage.
I can give more detail but I am not sure if a place of open discussion is the right place for it.


----------

