# Please help me out guys



## Marnie (Sep 5, 2014)

Hi guys! 

I am looking for a male point of view on a dilemma. My husband is going to central america on work (he does this 6 times a year) and since he has multiple meetings in different countries (I am sure of this because I know his boss--he's not lying), he is spending the weekend at an archipelgo between travel with two women who I know. There are no hotels at this island. People sleep in hammocks. 

The first woman is his friend from high school who lives in this country now--she is cute and a divorced young single mom. I am not aware of any sexual history, but they are both flirtatious people, so it makes me uncomfortable. His other travel companion is his coworker--also not his choice, I know for sure--but it is another cute woman who has a boyfriend. They are pretty good friends as far as coworkers go. 

Hubby and I have been in counseling because of trust issues and communication problems, and we have talked a lot about this trip. He knows I am ill at ease with the situation, but I don't feel comfortable telling him to stay in the city since he is a major beach lover (and from the Caribbean, so he misses it). He was not open with me about it at first because he knew it would make me uncomfortable (he now knows he was in the wrong), and has since offered extra details about the logistics etc--even the uncomfortable ones he knows I might not want to hear. 

I am totally paranoid, but I want to trust him since he is being open with me. Can anyone play devil's advocate for me and think of some reasons why I shouldn't worry about this weekend?? :scratchhead: I am not looking to become more paranoid--I am looking for rational reasons why I should not worry as much as I already do.


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## nanofaan (Aug 1, 2014)

This is a hard one. I never heard of place in the world were people sleep in hammocks because there are no hotels. 
does that mean he is not be able to call you when he is sleeping in a hammocks?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If he wants to cheat on you, he will. 

It's as simple as that.

You don't mention the history in detail of why you have trust/communication issues but the bottom line is - if he wants to, he will. 

So no matter what you do, it has no bearing on what will happen. If he chooses for something to happen or not happen, that is his choice. 

You can either worry yourself sick over the fact he is going to sleep with one of them or choose to trust him.


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## Marnie (Sep 5, 2014)

nanofaan said:


> This is a hard one. I never heard of place in the world were people sleep in hammocks because there are no hotels.
> does that mean he is not be able to call you when he is sleeping in a hammocks?


He and I traveled to places like this before--it's unlikely that he'll have cell service, but I am 100% sure he did not choose this place b/c of that. It's just the best and most virgin beach in Panama, and he's a beach snob.


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## Marnie (Sep 5, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> If he wants to cheat on you, he will.
> 
> It's as simple as that.
> 
> ...


You're right. Thank you. This is very helpful for me.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Has he cheated on you in the past? Had inappropriate relationships with other women? Lied to you about other women?

If he has, I really can't see how you would stop worrying.

If he hasn't, then you might be able to breathe easier. 

Still, I'd be upset that he's hanging out with other women on an island, one of whom might or might not be an ex but is flirtatious. A flirtatious husband and a flirtatious single friend on a remote island...seems like he's asking A LOT of you to just be fine with it.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Offer to go with him and see how he reacts? One would think a guy would be thrilled to spend time with the woman he loves on a pristine beach.


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## ILuvTheDesserts (Aug 29, 2014)

You married your husband because you obviously love him and trusted him with your life and soul.

Feed off that energy and thought ........... try your best not to worry though I understand its easier said than done.

Show him you trust him and love him when he departs and leave the rest to destiny ?!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Interesting. my Son frequently sleeps in a hammock. While the concept is romantic the reality is "comfortable for one". Also in the absence of Walls having 2 women there is your best protection. There is pretty much no way he could manage a tryst with one, without the other knowing. And if all that isn't enough there is always a Male Chastity Device. :FIREdevil:
MN


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

Marnie said:


> Hi guys!
> 
> I am looking for a male point of view on a dilemma. My husband is going to central america on work (he does this 6 times a year) and since he has multiple meetings in different countries (I am sure of this because I know his boss--he's not lying), he is spending the weekend at an archipelgo between travel with two women who I know. There are no hotels at this island. People sleep in hammocks.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you need therapy to work on your insecurity and control issues. The quickest way to run your husband into the arms of another woman is to be needy, insecure, and pesky. Keep it up and he'll eventually starting hating and resenting you. No type of "rational reasons" will make sense to you if you're needy and insecure person. Leave your husband alone and stop nagging him about your issues.


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

Am I the only one who sees an issue with her H going to a beach with two women? That would make ANYBODY insecure. I don't care if it is job related it still isn't right. And it has been implied the first woman isn't even a coworker? Has it been suggested you go with him? I agree with the above poster. Suggest you go with him and see his reaction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

That he originally concealed it means he sees an issue too.


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## Pinkpetal (Jan 2, 2014)

There will be two women there, so any hookup with your husband with one would likely be noticed by the other. I doubt he would want to risk that. I think it more likely that the two women will join up to keep each other company and your husband will just enjoy the beach. 

It's certainly not the best of situations, but you can drive yourself nuts with "what ifs". Trust issues.....lying or cheating? If he has cheated in the past then that makes this weekend selfish of him and a huge emotional deal for you.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

tonedef said:


> Am I the only one who sees an issue with her H going to a beach with two women? That would make ANYBODY insecure. I don't care if it is job related it still isn't right. And it has been implied the first woman isn't even a coworker? Has it been suggested you go with him? I agree with the above poster. Suggest you go with him and see his reaction.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If she had posted in CWI, the folks there would have told her to put a VAR in his car to catch any secret conversations, and to check his emails and phone for any planned assignations with his island friend. And they might even suggest a polygraph to see if he's lying about the purpose of this trip.

But the OP requested reasons not to be paranoid, so...

I agree with you, though. I think there are few people who would feel secure and confident in this scenario where they already have trust issues they are going to therapy for.


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