# How often are your intimate?



## AloneForever (Sep 25, 2008)

How long have you been married and how many times a week or month do you have intercourse? 

Is it normail to masturbate together and or for each other without the actual intercourse? Not every time, but sometimes?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

5-10 times per week. 41 y/o married 17 together 19. I rub her if she has not already cum.


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## AloneForever (Sep 25, 2008)

10 times a week! Surely not the norm!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I do my best to keep up with her 

Why were you asking about the masturbation thing?


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## AloneForever (Sep 25, 2008)

Nothing, I just always thought of it as something at single people do!!! but maybe not!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Can you explain more? Is it something your husband wants, that you don't or something you want that he doesn't?


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## AloneForever (Sep 25, 2008)

No is mutual, we don't have a problem with it.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I just thought that from your question, you were trying to see if you were normal?


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## AloneForever (Sep 25, 2008)

Yes that's why I asked. Wondering if its normal.


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## Farfignewton (Aug 10, 2008)

Used to be twice a day, every day, but down to about 2-4 times a week depending on life and whether or not we are getting along. Sometimes it's once a week.


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## AloneForever (Sep 25, 2008)

how long have you been married farfignewton?


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Oh, about 24/7 when I first got married. Man, was I tired. lol


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Have you got any idea how weird normal actually is? Look at the world we live in. Everybody needs to find what makes them feel whole - without looking over their shoulder too much. Well that's my take.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

No such a thing as being perfect or normal.

I'm 90% normal and 10% silly acting, or maybe that is the other way around.


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## Sabine (Sep 25, 2008)

It is perfectly normal for the man to masturbate his wife or gf if she didnt coem as he did as as a rule men and women do not come together.. men will come first thats the way it is.
So hte man will have to make her come in another way.
Its not always like that but if couples only have sex by doing it until the man ejaculate and then let his wife deal with it on her own.. i think its a terrible marriage and a very egoistic way of making love..
So thats normal that he masturbate you if you didnt came.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

married 10 years 3-4 days a week.

draconis


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

AloneForever said:


> How long have you been married and how many times a week or month do you have intercourse?
> 
> Is it normail to masturbate together and or for each other without the actual intercourse? Not every time, but sometimes?



Married 15 years (together 23 years) and for us its 5-6 times a week. We tend to have pretty long sessions too. To spice things up or just purely for a change, it is normal to include masturbation sometimes. Every time? Who's to say what's normal. I'd say the only thing is dont' get in to a routine, be spontaneous. 

I should also tell you that we've been through hell and back lately and are in the phase of rebuilding our relationship. We had gotten in to the rut of once a week and it seemed the same every time we had sex. Who knew how fun it would be to just change things up, now we both want to have sex all the time and guess what? We can find the time!


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Mommy 22, you said "I have friends who think that walking iinto one of those sex toy stores is absolutlely the worst thing anyone could do. If it's between us, what does it matter?"..

:iagree:

We did that recently, and it was so much fun. I saw this elderly couple in there I got such a kick! I thought "good for you!".


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## mjr810 (Aug 24, 2008)

A woman was asked 'Do you have a normal sex life with you husband?' He response: 'You tell me what a normal sex life is and I'll tell you if that's what we have.' That pretty much ended the discussion. My point? Y'all are abnormal....and normal.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well I try Daily  but I would have to say 3-4 a week is the norm for us.

Our record is 18 times in 1 day, that was back in college...those were the days...:smthumbup:


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## soultempest (Apr 1, 2008)

Our sex life is really pathetic. Once every 2-3 months, and only because she insists. I really hate it. Her body does not excite me in the least. 

That is what 10 years of marriage did to us.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

somesincereperson-

I read your other threads, very sad. I think there is a way out, if you want to chat on one of your other threads...


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## bluebutterfly0808 (Aug 18, 2008)

i would say it's 4 -7 times per week. one time i played role reversal where i initiated it 7 days a week. it was fun! it surprised him & it changed things up a bit! it also made me realize that intimacy was such an important part of our relationship & that i needed it just as much as him! as far as what you are doing (intercourse, masturbating, etc.), who cares as long as you are both cool with it!


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

We are at once every 7-10 days or so.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Sigh. 

Once every other month. I am a 10 times a week person, he 'just doesn't know' any more. Ptui on that!

It would sure help if I at least KNEW if it were me, or another woman or just him or what. He won't talk about it.


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## Irritated (Oct 23, 2008)

Once every 5-6 weeks.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

mommy22 said:


> Wow! Draconis, your post made me feel a lot better. We probably average about 5-6 times a week. I'll have to keep my husband from reading some of these posts or else I'll never get to rest!!! LOL!!!
> 
> Also, does normal or abnormal really matter as long as you're happy and what you're doiing is ethical? Do what makes you two happy. I have friends who think that walking iinto one of those sex toy stores is absolutlely the worst thing anyone could do. If it's between us, what does it matter?


Hey I have been to them, twice with the wife, and she has been to several after hours toy parties. So what about what others think, and if it bothers you travel about two hours away to a shop (fun hunting.)

draconis


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Actually I was just answering the last line. If you want to go into a sex shop then do it. 

draconis


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

If both people are cool with something and it's not hurting anyone, it's normal. That's what I think. 

Anyway, back to the first question...We go through stages. Sometimes it's twice a day and other times it's 4-5 times a week. It all depends. God, that must be the only thing that is working in our marriage.


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## looloo (Oct 29, 2008)

Married for one year, once every 7-9 days.


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## OrinTyie (Oct 7, 2008)

Married for six years; have sex about two to six times a month.


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## kuki (Oct 28, 2008)

O M G no wonder my marriage is in trouble. We seriously sometimes have sex like once a month. Not that its all my fault but I take my 50% share even more like 70%.

Not that we dont want it more, I know he definately does and sometimes I do to but we use the "baby" and "tired" excuse all the time and by the time we get to do it, we're asking how long has it been since last time and come to realize sometimes 3-4-5 weeks.

This is good for me. I just text him saying he better be prepared tonight because Ive got a whole agenda after baby goes to sleep.

Thanks for giving me a reality check. 

P.S. - 8 yrs together, 2 married


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## OrinTyie (Oct 7, 2008)

kuki said:


> O M G no wonder my marriage is in trouble. We seriously sometimes have sex like once a month. Not that its all my fault but I take my 50% share even more like 70%.
> 
> Not that we dont want it more, I know he definately does and sometimes I do to but we use the "baby" and "tired" excuse all the time and by the time we get to do it, we're asking how long has it been since last time and come to realize sometimes 3-4-5 weeks.
> 
> ...


At least you both want it. My wife is next to never in the mood.


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## kuki (Oct 28, 2008)

OrinTyie said:


> At least you both want it. My wife is next to never in the mood.



Sorry to hear that. I think you should have a serious talk with her about it. I used to have the attitude of I was never wanting it and for no obvious reasons, not like I didnt enjoy it when we did have it, in a way I looked at it like another thing I have to do. The longer you let it go, the worse its going to get.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

You Americans amaze me. Here in the UK 3-4 times a week is considered average. What are you guys so busy doing?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I've heard the 3-4 per/wk as the US average as well (my husband and I are overachievers  ) I think this drops quite a bit for the group with small children, especially babies to tend to.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

It's terrible that people use babies as an excuse to have less sex. When both parents are calm and satiated through regular sex, it makes for a peaceful and loving household to raise kids in.

But if you want to get kinky - a lock on the bedroom door is essential. Oh yeah, and lock the front door as well - nobody wants the neighbors finding out what they get up to.


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Is it just me, or does "once a week" sound better than "3-4 times per month" ? :scratchhead: 

Things are picking up at my house, but only to the once a week frequency. Still, that's a big improvement over "once a month, if I'm lucky." 2-3x/week is my ideal... working towards that, bit by bit.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

MT do you have kids? Mine are way past baby age so for me at this point it would be a lame excuse but when they are not sleeping through the night especially for moms that breastfeed, it puts you totally out of whack and you are exhausted most of the time. My first born I was either constantly holding or he was constantly crying...and little bouts of sleep in between...Come to think of it, at 18 he hasn't changed all that much  But seriously, they nearly removed a leg to get him out so after 8 weeks just to be able to sit on a chair again coupled with no sleep, sex wasn't in the forefront.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

swedish-

Yes 3 kids! The youngest is now 13.

If you think about it, if sex is made a priority, there will always be a way to find time for it at some point. Some women on this board report that they did not bother with it for 18 months after the birth of a baby. I would see that as total neglect. I certainly would not have put up with that - but then I don't expect my wife would have either!


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## OrinTyie (Oct 7, 2008)

kuki said:


> Sorry to hear that. I think you should have a serious talk with her about it. I used to have the attitude of I was never wanting it and for no obvious reasons, not like I didnt enjoy it when we did have it, in a way I looked at it like another thing I have to do. The longer you let it go, the worse its going to get.


We have talked and are working on it. There are bigger issues at the moment that I have in another thread here.


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## brokenspirit (Feb 16, 2009)

Once every few months and it's usually not that good.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

3-4 times a week...if you had asked me a year ago I would have said once a week, maybe twice.

Then my wife turned 30...and her sex drive got a LOT "better" (for me).

And we have 3 young boys, 7, 5, and 2 years old.


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## Broman (Feb 19, 2009)

zero times per week. 
Me and wife are in mid to late 20s. We have horrible sex 2-3 times per week. But we are only intimate (making love) once every 5 months or so. So I don't consider us intimate which is a recipe for disaster.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Enough...but not as much as we want!!!

7-10 times a week

Early 30's. Together 5 years. 

We have 5 kids (3-11 ages) at home now...but even when we had all 9 (ages 3-11) we made the time. If there's a will there's a way!

Whoever said a lock on the bathroom door is neccesary...I AGREE! AND on the BEDROOM DOOR!!! 

To all who have a poor sex life....I am so sorry. Men...aim to please your woman. Women....learn what you like and talk to him about it. Thats my 2 cents about it for now....I know there can be a lot more to the issues, but thats a place to start.


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## stilltrying99 (Feb 22, 2009)

Married 10 years, 2 kids. We had sex 2 years ago.


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

We got married in June (at age 24) and plenty of sex then, but in early August it stopped completely for no apparent reason (like weight gain or known infidelity). All of a sudden... no more. Let it go for seven months with no intimacy whatsoever, and just now said something. I was worried that she had lost attraction to me (loosing my hair just a little, and put on about 10-15 lbs. that I am now working very very hard at getting off and getting back below my marriage weight of 208 lbs).

I have a tendency to be very passive and let things that bother me build up until I am at my breaking point (which I have known for some time now is not a good idea) and then dropping a bomb on her about something has to change or we are headed for a disaster like divorce. 

Told her last week about my feelings concerning lack of intimacy in our marriage. She didn't have much to say other than she was content in our marriage without sex. Truth is, she does care how I feel about it. We went out for her birthday this weekend after I told her my concerns and in a half drunk slumber she rolled my way, somewhat forcing me to initiate sex(which has never been initiated by her in the 8 years we've been together (7 dating, working on 1 married). I definately wanted to have the closeness with her by having sex but wish it wasn't when she we were drunk. Makes it less significant that she agreed. 

Conversations about problems in our relationship usually invoke an negative attitude and leave me disgruntled and issues unresolved. Which is why I avoided confrontation about it for so long.

To top it off, she has a texting addiction that seems to focus on two guys from her work along with her mom, sister, and other female friends from work mixed in there here and there on occasion. Both guys have girlfriends already. Not sure how their girlfriends feel about them texting her all the day long. I don't mind her texting other people buy would prefer if the majority of her texts weren't with two males. I know them both, not very well, but I do know them. I am wise enough to know not to be naive and let one of them ruin my marriage because many guys won't care about her marriage as they are in it for the moment. I watch her behavior and their interactions when I am around to look for any suggestive clues that may lean toward infidelity but I see none (other than the texting). I struggle with invading her privacy because I don't want to spy on her by looking through her phone and reading their messages (which I have NOT done) but I pay the bills and I can see online how much conversation their is between the phone numbers(don't know what they are talking about but I know they are talking). I'm wasn't looking to monitor her phone at first but now it has become a tool that I use to see when/if she is lying to me. 

It's a sad situation I am in. Life has become mundane and fearsome. Is this what marriage is like for other people? This isn't what I signed up for.

Any suggestions?


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## Broman (Feb 19, 2009)

stilltrying99 said:


> Married 10 years, 2 kids. We had sex 2 years ago.


Ouch


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## Broman (Feb 19, 2009)

maxxLogan said:


> We got married in June (at age 24) and plenty of sex then, but in early August it stopped completely for no apparent reason (like weight gain or known infidelity). All of a sudden... no more. Let it go for seven months with no intimacy whatsoever, and just now said something. I was worried that she had lost attraction to me (loosing my hair just a little, and put on about 10-15 lbs. that I am now working very very hard at getting off and getting back below my marriage weight of 208 lbs).
> 
> I have a tendency to be very passive and let things that bother me build up until I am at my breaking point (which I have known for some time now is not a good idea) and then dropping a bomb on her about something has to change or we are headed for a disaster like divorce.
> 
> ...


Hey MaxxLogan, sorry to hear about your marriage. Me and my wife have sex with each other, but it's nothing there because she doesn't have an interest in it. She doesn't complain about it, but she only does it out of obligation - which i hate. 

Anyway...you should let your wife know how you feel about her relationships with other males. It's nothing wrong with a spouse having a friendship with an opposite sex whom they speak to only once or twice a week, but you (the husband) should be involved, and the friend should respect you. Even without you saying anything, her friends should know to respect the boundaries of the marriage. Texting that often is not ok in my book. 

Some unmarried men and woman can become sneaky. You are right, some people can care less about ruining a marriage. You never know their intentions, and sometimes a spouse can become naive thinking that the friend has no interest.

You know, when people get married, there are some things that must change, and there are expectations. 

I am remarried. My first marriage was ruined because of such issues.
If you can't talk to your wife about these things without causing negative attitudes, I would strongly suggest that you guys go to marriage counseling. I think that marriage counseling is great for every marriage, rather the marriage is going good or not.


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## broo (Feb 17, 2009)

maxxLogan said:


> It's a sad situation I am in. Life has become mundane and fearsome. Is this what marriage is like for other people? This isn't what I signed up for.
> 
> Any suggestions?


Hate to break it to you, but you didn't buy a ticket to ride the marriage train to your desired destination. You need to man up and do the actual work of being married. All of of your comments scream "Man's Job" to me. It is time to man up. Your wife is looking for emotional intimacy with other men, because you don't give her any.
Consider me a sexist, but it is the man's job to woo and pursue the woman. Both partners respond physiologically to this game of chase. 

Semen contains a chemical bonding agent called pitocin (pi-TO-sin). This causes a women to bond to whomever is around when it is placed within her. This agent is also released during breast-feeding (or breast manipulation to a lesser degree) and causes mother-child bonding. This is why women can bond through sex without having O's. 
First point is to pretend she's the pretiest girl at school and you are going to pull out all of the stops to manipulate her into liking you and wanting to talk you. Eight hours of untinterrupted one-on-one bonding through talking (movies DO NOT count) and activities is usually enough to make even the most hostile women want to bed you, provided you don't make too many mistakes along the way. 
Alcohol is another great option as it breaks down some of the unhappiness barriers that we build to isolate ourselves. Do not feel rejected because she likes more with alcohol. You are already reject. Your objective should be bedding her before someone else does. (It is a great sign that she wanted to bed you with Alcohol, it means somewhere she still likes you in that way a little bit. After the unmanly way you acted her the last time she came on to you, she will probably not be trying again any time soon if ever)

Once you get her the first time she will be far more likely to surrender the next time because she will be more chemically bonded to you. Remembering how to give her a O will help as well since it releases more bonding agent. 
Your goal is to be fun, flirty, thoughtful, and romantic.(There are books on how to do this) You are to aggressively demonstrate your affection, and never feel hurt or act needy or forceful when you are rejected (which is the #1 most repulsive thing to women). All men are rejected 99% of the time and it just gives us more cause to pursue, it never hurts our feelings.

It is also worth getting rid of any side hobbies you may use to ease your sexual frustration. You need some sexual frustration to properly motivate you to give your wife what she needs. Channel your frustration into exercise if you can't bear it. Being active is always sexy.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Actually Broo, I think you mean OXytocin, NOT Pitocin. Oxytocin is released during brestfeeding, and is what makes Momma feel all lovey when she's feeding the little one. It works like a charm, I remember how much I loved nursing. It's also secreted and gives us that loving feeling toward our partners. 
Pitocin, on the other hand, is used to induce labor. I was given it to induce the birth of my first son...and it still took two days.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

1-4 times a month, but it's usually all about 'him'. So that doesn't count


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

broo said:


> All of of your comments scream "Man's Job" to me. It is time to man up.


I hear you and agree. I've got to "Man up." Definately something I've done on occassion but it usually leads to a quick argument because she is pretty stubborn (not an excuse, just an easier way of saying she tends to bitc*....complain about things that should be positive interactions for normal couple trying to mend their relationships.) But I'm gonna give it a good, strong go for a couple of weeks and see what emotions it invokes in her. She's gonna think I've effin' lost it but I'll let you know what happens. 

What's she gonna do? withhold sex? pffft.


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## broo (Feb 17, 2009)

Mommybean said:


> Actually Broo, I think you mean OXytocin, NOT Pitocin. Oxytocin is released during brestfeeding, and is what makes Momma feel all lovey when she's feeding the little one. It works like a charm, I remember how much I loved nursing. It's also secreted and gives us that loving feeling toward our partners.
> Pitocin, on the other hand, is used to induce labor. I was given it to induce the birth of my first son...and it still took two days.


Your absolutely right... I confused the synthetic version with the natural chemical.


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## broo (Feb 17, 2009)

maxxLogan said:


> I hear you and agree. I've got to "Man up." Definately something I've done on occassion but it usually leads to a quick argument because she is pretty stubborn (not an excuse, just an easier way of saying she tends to bitc*....complain about things that should be positive interactions for normal couple trying to mend their relationships.) But I'm gonna give it a good, strong go for a couple of weeks and see what emotions it invokes in her. She's gonna think I've effin' lost it but I'll let you know what happens.
> 
> What's she gonna do? withhold sex? pffft.


Let her bicker.... Being a man is all about no hurt feelings. If she says the most heinous thing you can imagine... turn it into water off a duck's back. Use it as an excuse to flirt. Laugh it off by teasing (DON'T laugh at her or be mean or mopey or pout)

If she says "I hate your guts and I wish you were dead and your **** is the size of a pencil eraser" gaze into her eyes and tell her that you sincere apologize for the specific thing making her upset, but that cruel words are no way to seduce you. 

You have the power to diffuse any hostility by the very fact that you are the man. Women are naturally chaotic in their emotions. They often suffer from a disconnection between why they are suffering emotionally and what they are upset about. Sometimes it is because they honestly don't know (it just feels like they got a hormone injection of rage), and sometimes it is because they are embarrased (they know it is unreasonable but they can't help feeling this way).

As the man, always stay calm. Never be dismissive of her emotions or lecture her. Listen, actively, ask her to elaborate. Women feel emotionally intimate when you are concerned about what they are thinking and feeling (especially if it is crazy, ridiculous, irrational, or stupid.) Don't give advice unless she asks for it. Just do everything you can to make it better. Find a good reason to brush her hair, or give her a back rub just to work the knots out. Fetch her a glass of wine or some tea. Chocolate is like magic, the darker the better. Like red wine, it is clinically proven to increase sex drive and sexual function, as well as elevate moods. 

Your job as the man is to never whimp out. This means never demonstrate hurt feelings by acting out in whiney, unnattractive, or passive aggressive ways. If you are mopey or annoyed about anything, you come across as a 5 year-old balling as he crawls across the ground dragging his legs because he has tiny scratch on his finger. Unless your wife is way out of bounds (i.e. chasing you with a chainsaw, sacrificing kittens to the goddess in your bathtube, or making out with a homeless man in your garage) there is no need to be upset with her or show her any sign of discontent.

If she is out of bounds, telling her in a loving way that you need for the kitten sacrifices to stop. They are out of bounds and you are willing to get her any help that she needs. (But don't do it when she's upset. Wait until she is calm to tell her.) If she refuses, give her an ultimatum, and if necessary exit stage left.

There is rarely a need for a man to be angry or hurt. Women do enough of that for both of us. The man's job is to be strong for both of you, just like in the movies. As the man, after you get riddled with machine gun fire, you stand up, crack your neck and shake it off. And then you go on to the important business of tackling her bad feelings with tenderness, affection, and serious introspection about ways you may have unintentionally hurt, offended, slighted, or in someway been thoughtless towards her.

I read a great sex analogy for women lately. Sex for women is like the gas pedal in a car. You can push on the gas pedal all you want, but unless the engine is on you are just pumping the gas pedal and not going anywhere. You must construct events that turn on her engine long before you try to push on the pedal. Many things can achieve this result, but satisfying all of her other needs first does it the best. It she's fed and rested, and entertained, and exercised, and feels emotionally repected by you and emotionally connected to you then you will be amazed at what happens next.


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

broo said:


> If she's fed and rested, and entertained, and exercised, and feels emotionally respected by you and emotionally connected to you then you will be amazed at what happens next.


Agree with the mopey pouty part of what you are saying. I think the next step for us is recreating the emotional connection. She doesn't even seem to be attempting to look for our spark. Libido issue? She ignored my suggestion to talk to someone, like her doctor, or mom, or someone she trusts and looks up to. I am trying the wooing method but not getting much back from her. Offering back rubs, fixing dinner without being asked, stuff like that but no improvement yet. The reluctant response I get when going for a goodnight kiss is just frustrating. Trying to hang in here but an end seems inevitable if there is no improvement on our current situation. 

How can I be completely devoted to someone who isn't concerned with whether I am around or not? Maybe separation will show her what she is missing? I hate and don't really want to go through that. We have been separated once before and when she realized that I had accepted our split and was moving on, she came running back. Still, not worth going through if this will just happen again in the future. Possibly after children are involved.


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## DB in PA (Feb 25, 2009)

2-3 times week.
Not in front or for each other, but to each other, not all the time, prob. once a month that way.

yes, it is normal.

What I like is her. I try to make it about her, know her, what she is in mood for, the more she is excited, then the more I am.

You are partners and should be able to express what you want intimatley with each other. If you try something new and it does not work, then the other will understand. Intimatcy is constant learnoing about each other!


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## broo (Feb 17, 2009)

maxxLogan said:


> Agree with the mopey pouty part of what you are saying. I think the next step for us is recreating the emotional connection. She doesn't even seem to be attempting to look for our spark. Libido issue? She ignored my suggestion to talk to someone, like her doctor, or mom, or someone she trusts and looks up to. I am trying the wooing method but not getting much back from her. Offering back rubs, fixing dinner without being asked.


If you met a hot girl at club, and you tried to seduce her with homemade tuna casserole and a back rub would it work?

Not likely. And that's a girl on the prowl.

Compare the elaborate efforts that single guys put into getting some with what you do. From the moment they wake up single guys groom, develop their interests, and build their swaggery persona so they can go on the hunt for female prey. They spend thousands of dollars to manage every detail from their eyelashes down to the paint on their car. They meticulously plan elaborate dates that seem haphazardly perfect. They keep diaries of all of her likes likes and dislikes so they can create the magic to own her on the 3rd or 4th date no matter how hard to get she plays it. 

Put in some serious effort, not this halfassed, I got dinner for a night crap. 

Men and women tend to go into the permanent off setting when they get put off by their spouses pig behavior too many times. She is in the off setting. 
You are her libido issue. Don't pester her about it. She's probably horny all day and then you walk into the room and she goes out like a snuffed candle. You need to make the magic through emotional connection. Don't be just her friend. Remind her frequently that you're attracted to her sexually, but dive into her mind. 
Women are very easy to bed. If you can get them to open up and talk to you alone in a romantic setting interlaced with mild flirtations for about 4 solid hours they are yours, all their barriers fly away. Alcohol helps too. If you can fabricate the perfect series of dates, eventually she'll jump you in the car before you even get home. 

Threatening her with divorce will not supercharge her. The last place you want to be is emotionally blackmailing her into putting out. Women find this revolting.


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

broo said:


> Compare the elaborate efforts that single guys put into getting some with what you do. From the moment they wake up single guys groom, develop their interests, and build their swaggery persona so they can go on the hunt for female prey.


Doing better with the nighttime display of frustration. She sleeps closer to me than she has in months but acts like she doesn't know my face is in front of her's when I am going in for a quick goodnight kiss. Just somewhat strange and confusing but I see minor minor minor improvement. 

Sent her flowers today for no other reason than just because. Never really had to learn the game because me and her have been together so long, since early high school. Guess it's time to pick up a few moves/tips. 

I hear what you're saying broo. "GO ALL OUT. PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS." 

I find myself relaxing a little about the whole situation. I am trying to follow your advice, and some from a friend who mentioned finding other things to keep me busy and somewhat away from her to help her get some space and begin to miss my presence. I will still always invite her when I go out with other people. Main idea being to not change my plans every time she doesn't want to go with me or has other plans of her own. Doing this just in case she feels a bit smothered as a newlywed. We did not live together before we were married and have been in the same house for 8 months now. Maybe it is getting to her a bit for some time now, 'claustrophobia' so to speak. (I could see this being true just because of how long I have known her.) 

I think it will be hard to find a good middle ground between playing chase and leaving her to hang out with others but I think both suggestions have good potential for invoking some emotion in her that I will be able to physically see (like a small argument) so that I at least know that she is concerned. 

I am definately going to keep playing chase like you suggested and see what happens. Flowers today. We'll have to see what else I can come up with for the next few weeks. Been a while since I've given any serious thought to dating regularities. Any suggestions?


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

jlone said:


> Hey MaxxLogan, sorry to hear about your marriage. Me and my wife have sex with each other, but it's nothing there because she doesn't have an interest in it. She doesn't complain about it, but she only does it out of obligation - which i hate.
> 
> Anyway...you should let your wife know how you feel about her relationships with other males. It's nothing wrong with a spouse having a friendship with an opposite sex whom they speak to only once or twice a week, but you (the husband) should be involved, and the friend should respect you. Even without you saying anything, her friends should know to respect the boundaries of the marriage. Texting that often is not ok in my book.
> 
> ...


Thanks. I am always considering marriage counseling but want to see what changes we can make on our own. I am basically trying to do damage control right now and keep in from getting worse but at some point when things cool down and get a little better (we are trying to get into a good church) then I will make a suggestion for counseling and/or marriage weekends/outings and that sort of thing. Basically whatever she will agree too. 

As far as the texting, I am still being very cautious and watching very closely but I have come to the partial decision that it is mostly, if not all, innocent (at least from her perspective). And I honestly do not think that I am being naive about her loyalty. I believe she loves me and wants this to work between us but has a little too much pride for her own good. I will never be naive enough to put any trust whatsoever in the guys she talks to but that doesn't mean I would be a jerk to them. They are nice to my face and I can't judge them otherwise until they prove themselves otherwise.


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

I know it sounds terribly unromantic but routine is a big factor in our sex life. Pretty early on in our relationship we got into the habit of sex pretty much every night we were together which carried over when we got married.

Sunday afternoon about 2 we'll always go to bed, I'll actually head there automatically before hubby gets home. The same when hubby goes away on a trip we'll usually go to bed for a little while after hubby's packed. These are kind of little rules we made early on that really help our sex life.


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## broo (Feb 17, 2009)

maxxLogan said:


> I think it will be hard to find a good middle ground between playing chase and leaving her to hang out with others but I think both suggestions have good potential for invoking some emotion in her that I will be able to physically see (like a small argument) so that I at least know that she is concerned.


You need to learn the game. Time for research. There are probably a half-dozen books on chasing tail available at your local bookseller. Chasing does not mean smothering. It means piquing her interest and getting her into you and then disappearing so she can have plenty of time to look forward to the next contact. By limiting contact. You can reform her thinking of you from mundane to extraordinary. 

For example, after you've finished helping around the house, go running at night so your away from her. Don't invite her out with friends invite her on a real date. Make it unbelievable. Plan everything meticulously and have several backup alternatives based on your sense of her mood. 
How awesome would she feel if after some amazing ****tails and appetizers, you took her on a night-time hike by an overgrown lake and just happened to find little gifts for her along the way that led all the way down the trail to a midnight uber-fancy champagne and chocolate covered ginger picknick, and maybe some almond-scented foor lotion for you to rub her feet while you talked and looked at the stars. 
After that you might just happen to have towels to go skinny dipping.
Definitely go in for the kiss, but don't get grabby unless you're certain she wants it. You can always down her on the next date.
Think of how much more she will want you if you're not grabby. Be very careful with this, as you don't want to snuff her candle on the amazing date, you want it to burn until she can't stand it.
After the date, disappear again, flirtatious notes, candy gifts are good, but no sitting on the couch with her watching reruns of reality tv.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

broo said:


> How awesome would she feel if after some amazing ****tails and appetizers, you took her on a night-time hike by an overgrown lake and just happened to find little gifts for her along the way that led all the way down the trail to a midnight uber-fancy champagne and chocolate covered ginger picknick, and maybe some almond-scented foor lotion for you to rub her feet while you talked and looked at the stars.
> After that you might just happen to have towels to go skinny dipping.
> 
> After the date, disappear again, flirtatious notes, candy gifts are good, but no sitting on the couch with her watching reruns of reality tv.


HOLY CHIT BROO.... when is your clone coming out? I want dibs!!! :smthumbup:


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

broo said:


> You need to learn the game. Time for research. There are probably a half-dozen books on chasing tail available at your local bookseller. Chasing does not mean smothering. It means piquing her interest and getting her into you and then disappearing so she can have plenty of time to look forward to the next contact. By limiting contact. You can reform her thinking of you from mundane to extraordinary.
> 
> For example, after you've finished helping around the house, go running at night so your away from her. Don't invite her out with friends invite her on a real date. Make it unbelievable. Plan everything meticulously and have several backup alternatives based on your sense of her mood.
> How awesome would she feel if after some amazing ****tails and appetizers, you took her on a night-time hike by an overgrown lake and just happened to find little gifts for her along the way that led all the way down the trail to a midnight uber-fancy champagne and chocolate covered ginger picknick, and maybe some almond-scented foor lotion for you to rub her feet while you talked and looked at the stars.
> ...


Thanks for the advice and tips. You have given me some good ideas and inspiration to make it more relevant to our type of relationship. 

Gonna get to putting them into play. Will keep you updated.


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## calimom82 (Jan 25, 2009)

5-6 times a week or more. We've been together 8 years.


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## sinsasian (Jan 12, 2009)

Help, My husband and I have only been married about a year. We dated for about 6 months before that. As of now, we have sex only about once a month. Yet, (not to sound off putting) I have men that hit on me often, so I know it's not that Im hideous or anything. 

Also, I know that he does masturbate on his own often. He simply does not want to be intimate with me. Other than the sex we have a great relationship. He is romantic and thoughtful and very loving. I also know that he is not cheating or having any extramarital relationships. 

I'm not sure what the real problem is. I know he looks at porn and I have somewhat dealt with it and wouldn't mind if we were intimate as well, but we aren't. I feel like as early as we are in our relationship that this should not be a problem. I am worried about what is going to happen to our sex life in the next year and so on. 

He has made "comments" about how he is just one of those people that isn't interested "physicallY" in others. This just seems so weird to me though. 

I am worried about this leading to myself being unfaithful to him and do not want that at all. Sex is very important to me and I want our relationship to thrive in this area also. 

Any advice would be appreciated.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

sinsasian said:


> Help, My husband and I have only been married about a year. We dated for about 6 months before that. As of now, we have sex only about once a month. Yet, (not to sound off putting) I have men that hit on me often, so I know it's not that Im hideous or anything.
> 
> Also, I know that he does masturbate on his own often. He simply does not want to be intimate with me. Other than the sex we have a great relationship. He is romantic and thoughtful and very loving. I also know that he is not cheating or having any extramarital relationships.
> 
> ...



Sounds to me he either has a porn addiction or is a selfish lover. I mean that he finds it much easier to please himself and not worry about the chance he wouldn't please you in bed. He takes the easy road and just doesn't want to have to worry about pleasing you.

That may sound mean, but its probably true. Masturbation is one thing, but when it comes in the way or substitutes sex with your partner it really can kill a relationship.


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## sinsasian (Jan 12, 2009)

thanks for the comment. it does make some sense to me.


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

Been a couple weeks since my last post. 

Tried and still trying to be a little more attentive while keeping my distance, spit a little game to help reignite the old spark, and relax about the importance of our situation. Giving it some time to see some slight change. And there HAVE been some slight changes like having more pleasant conversation in the evenings while watching TV. Not that we argued or we jerks to each other before but the mood has lifted just a little.

Unfortunately, thats about the only change there has been. No sex. No kiss goodnight, barely one when leaving for work the next morning. Flat out...we are just friends that live together. I can honestly say that I have done a good job making some subtle changes but she really has not.

Comes home from either working out or at happy hour after work about 2 hrs before she heads to bed. Wouldn't normally be a huge deal but coming home late has turned into an every night or every other night routine. Only becoming problematic now because of the rest of the situation.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

maxxLogan-
If you could a access yourself against my article:
Sexless Marraige?
you might get some pointers.


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## crusader (Jun 30, 2008)

We average about 4-5 times per week, been together for 13 years. We got into a rut when we started having lots of kids but fought our way out of it (was once a week for awhile). All it took was a nice sit down conversation one night and everything changed.

As for the masturbation question, I think it's fine and we use it from time to time to change things up. Also it helps to see how the other person likes to be touched by watching them do it themselves.


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> maxxLogan-
> If you could a access yourself against my article:
> Sexless Marraige?
> you might get some pointers.


MT, 

I would say you are certainly correct about the general cause and effect of each theory. My situation seems to encompass a little of each that you mentioned in the article as well as a few others such as the woman being raised by a mother who is stubborn and needs to dominate the household. My wife's mother is this way and it certainly shows in my wife's personality. She has a serious 'pride' issue that I believe stands in the way of much of our happiness as a couple. This being so, I am somewhat forced to stand up for myself and show my 'pride' in order to maintain an equal domineering status in our relationship.


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

On another note, 

I stooped to a lower level today and in a super sneaky manner by using the computer to "update her cell phone software"  I was able to read SOME of her 3,744 text messages. I say SOME because she had just deleted them and she had only sent/received 6 messages since her recent deletion. First, why is she deleting text messages? The phone can hold much more than 10000 text messages. This makes me suspicious. I question her about it and she replies that the phone makes her delete them. So I give her the benefit of the doubt. When I do eventually get to read the 6 left over (all 6 are to/from male co-workers), one of the guys is telling her good morning and that he misses and loves her! She replied back to him that she missed him too.

Now I have the REASON to be suspicious but I shouldn't have been snooping in the first place. Right? I feel horrible for betraying her trust, but at the same time....I'm friggin glad I did it! Don't know how to bring up the subject to get her talking about it so that I can determine if I am just reading the messages out of context. I want to believe that there is something I missed....but honestly, I know better. I'm not that naive.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

maxxLogan-

This just proves the point in my article that wives who go off sex, only go off sex with their *husbands*. As far other men go, she sounds open for business as usual.


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

She and I had a talk last night before bed. I did not tell her that I saw her text messages but did mention that she makes look suspicious by intentionally deleting text messages. She quietly agreed, reminded me she loves me and she is married to me. She claims to have no desires for other men. Meanwhile, I am maintaining a constant state of eyes-wide-open until my suspicions fade. I still claim not to be naive. My plan for the moment is to keep conflict to a minimum and let things continue as normal to see if anything happens. 

If the real truth is that she is actually being faithful in our marriage and the inappropriate text messages she is replying back to one of these guys (saying that she misses him too) is just to avoid being rude to him, then we are becoming closer again due to conversations about the subject. As always, provide updates as they occur, or don't. 

BTW, probably time to change the thread as this is becoming off subject from frequency of intimacy and directed more toward an affair issue.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

maxxLogan said:


> If the real truth is that she is actually being faithful in our marriage and the inappropriate text messages she is replying back to one of these guys (saying that she misses him too) is just to avoid being rude to him, then we are becoming closer again due to conversations about the subject. As always, provide updates as they occur, or don't.


Um, you are so mistaken if you believe what she wrote to the guy was to avoid being rude.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

michzz said:


> Um, you are so mistaken if you believe what she wrote to the guy was to avoid being rude.


maxxLogan-

I'm sorry dude, but you really need to wake up and smell the coffee. If she is able to pull the wool over your eyes that easily, it shows that you are very distant indeed. If you had a stronger connection you would be devastated. Are you on any medication?


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> maxxLogan-
> 
> I'm sorry dude, but you really need to wake up and smell the coffee. If she is able to pull the wool over your eyes that easily, it shows that you are very distant indeed. If you had a stronger connection you would be devastated. Are you on any medication?


Yeah, like I said before, I will continue to observe the behavior in our marriage and the relationships she has with other people such as friends and co-workers. 

Trying my best to step back and look at the situation from a distance to see what I would think if this was someone else's problem. Haven't come to a conclusion yet but I think with a little more time and observation, I will be able to make a sound, rational decision. I'm just trying not to blow this out of proportion if it turns out to be that she is being faithful. I think only time will tell. Thanks for everyone's advice.


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## Mdcl33 (Mar 20, 2009)

Had to bust my wife recently on the texting thing and talking to a male friend of the family on her cell phone when I was not around. There is no other way to address other than to say it's not right and it needs to stop. She will be very defensive and resentful because you called her out on it. Then, it will get to a point where she will be patronizing about it. Like asking you for my permission to call someone and so forth. 

Or, you can do what I started doing and play the same game and see how she likes it from the other side? I guarantee you will get her attention that way.


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

Mdcl33 said:


> Had to bust my wife recently on the texting thing and talking to a male friend of the family on her cell phone when I was not around. There is no other way to address other than to say it's not right and it needs to stop. She will be very defensive and resentful because you called her out on it. Then, it will get to a point where she will be patronizing about it. Like asking you for my permission to call someone and so forth.
> 
> Or, you can do what I started doing and play the same game and see how she likes it from the other side? I guarantee you will get her attention that way.


I completely agree with playing the same game to let her see the situation from the opposite perspective. I have had to do this twice in our 8 year relationship and it has worked beautifully each time so far. It seems to me that discussion and the conveying of emotional issues gets your point only 'so far' across yet never quite reaches home until she can self-replicate those same emotions of envy. 

At the moment, I don't really have female friends or co-workers that I can legitimately text and converse with that she would be jealous of. But believe me, I'm trying to find some similar way to get my point across. 

I have only subtly mentioned that 3700 text messages per month is not okay, especially when the majority of the text are to two males. Her only response was that the guys are only 'friends' and that I should not worry. I didn't have much rebuttal for that as I have female friends that I am not attracted to and do not expect her to be envious of. However, I am not texting them nonstop either.


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## Mdcl33 (Mar 20, 2009)

How did you do it and how did it work? I have no other choice but to give her taste of her own medicine. It's sad that it has come to this but I am done talking. Thanks.


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## maxxLogan (Feb 24, 2009)

Mdcl33 said:


> How did you do it and how did it work? I have no other choice but to give her taste of her own medicine. It's sad that it has come to this but I am done talking. Thanks.


I just went out of my way to create a reverse replication of what I was feeling that I was most certain would affect her emotionally about our relationship. My wife isn't extremely touchy, feely, emotional all the time like the stereotypical woman. She most certainly is not the first of us two to bring up conversation concerning emotions in our relationship. Its just not something she likes to talk about, and neither do I for that matter. But eventually you get to a high enough level of frustration with a situation that it suddenly becomes very necessary to speak your mind. Speaking for myself (and quite comfortably my wife) we hold in our frustrations until we blow up or break, so to speak. 

In previous instances, I had to determine if the things that bothered me about something she was doing would bother her if our roles were reversed. I believe the concept of 'role reversal' is very important in getting an in depth view of someone else's perspective. So, I would determine what pissed me off about a common situation and after some thought, find a way to replicate that situation in a way that would irritate her. A simple example being, if her method of loading the dishwasher bothered me because it was inefficient, and she did not care enough to put a little more thought into how she went about packing the dirty dishes, then when my turn comes around to do the dishes I would do an even more inefficient job than she did. Hopefully, wasting water, detergent, and time filling and waiting for a second load of dishes to be cleaned may make her think twice about her manner of completing the task. 

I do not deliberately intend on irritating her on a daily basis. I am quite obviously not perfect myself, but by choosing my battles, and making small changes in our daily lives before they become major issues seems to be a decent and livable way to make our marriage last. 

More specifically, back in high school, at the beginning of our relationship she took a platonic male friend to one of her school functions (i went to school in a different city nearby) without asking if it would bother me. So, at my next school function, I made sure I took a platonic female friend. It was two days before she called me again but her memory of that situation presented itself on future occasions and forced her to take the time to consider her own feelings if the roles were reversed (as she later admitted).

The point isn't to be mean or cruel to the person you love. As that person's spouse, it is your responsibility to help your loved one through life. If small conflicts at home help your significant other better deal with other situations in their everyday lives when they are not around their families, if they have a better attitude, are more successful, or whatever the case may be... I think your significant other would be grateful for their relationship with you. I know that is how I feel.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I have sex with hubby once or twice a week, but take care of it myself almost every night. He also does solo more often. We have been dating and married for about 14 years now.


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## coffee bean (Apr 3, 2009)

Am 47, been with the same guy for 20 years and we shag most days.

MaxxLogan - I think you are in danger of minimising the whole thing, not blowing it out of proportion. 

No sex or even kissing for you whereas it's 200 texts a day (and who knows what else) for the guys. Well! You may not have evidence of physical infidelity, but this is out and out emotional infidelity and it's absolutely not on if you two are going to stay married. Tell her she has to pay for her own phone if she's going to be texting other men. Don't take all this 'we're just friends' rubbish. If my man started texting other women 150 times a day I'd go through the roof. I have to say I think you're crazy to put up with not having any sex. You seem to be in denial about the meaning of that and this texting nonsense. 

Look at you, a guy in his twenties, full of youth and vigour, and being given the run-around by his wife in this way. You ought to be shagging away like crazy and you're busy 'observing behaviour'. Do you really want to live like this? When you get to my age (she said grandly) - you will look back and wonder what you could have been thinking. Don't be afraid of her! And don't take anything personally. Broo is dead right.

Broo has in fact said it all. Listen to him! You are getting inside info not normally available through the usual channels. He has bothered to work out how women tick and you need to reread his posts about 100 times each until you change your mindset. 

Passive round-about behaviour like mucking around with the dishwasher isn't going to cut it. Neither is you finding women to text just to show her what it's like. Don't get all intellectual and conversation-y about it. She is manipulating you. Don't manipulate back. Just straightforwardly let her know enough is enough and don't justify yourself or plead or get whiny. Cancel her phone contract if you have to. Why are you paying to let her take the mickey out of you like this?

You haven't learnt the game yet but you are going to have to, and it will be worth it. Locate and develop your naughty, flirty, fun and sexy side. Don't take anything personally like Broo says. (I said that already but it's important). Develop stupendous amounts of confidence in yourself. Either your wife will get interested in you again or you will move on and use your skills to have tons of fun with someone who is really into you.

One thing I would add - in your campaign to get your wife back on your side, don't forget about cycles! By this I mean, don't come on to her when she's in the middle of PMT. Wait until the last day or so of her period, and start building up over the next two weeks to co-ordinate with ovulation time. Most women have at least one or two massively horny days over ovulation time. If you press the right buttons, while the hormones are doing their thang, they are more than happy to be manoeuvred into the bedroom (or wherever) and enthusiastically shagged and orgasmed till they can't think straight any more.

good luck!!


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## Mdcl33 (Mar 20, 2009)

coffee bean said:


> Passive round-about behaviour like mucking around with the dishwasher isn't going to cut it. Neither is you finding women to text just to show her what it's like. Don't get all intellectual and conversation-y about it. She is manipulating you. Don't manipulate back. Just straightforwardly let her know enough is enough and don't justify yourself or plead or get whiny. Cancel her phone contract if you have to. Why are you paying to let her take the mickey out of you like this?
> 
> You haven't learnt the game yet but you are going to have to, and it will be worth it. Locate and develop your naughty, flirty, fun and sexy side. Don't take anything personally like Broo says. (I said that already but it's important). Develop stupendous amounts of confidence in yourself. Either your wife will get interested in you again or you will move on and use your skills to have tons of fun with someone who is really into you.



I have to agree with some points made by 'coffee bean'. It's been a few weeks since my original post on this thread about my wife and her emotional affair and all that. I tried the reverse thing and it does not work. When someone is in an emotional linked relationship like my wife is, they don't think straight at all. People who get obsessions and unusual attachments like my wife has only think about and see what they want to. That's the problem they are not thinking of others only themselves. My wife has said some crazy stuff in relation to all this, acted in ways I've never seen, and contradicted herself over and over. I don't think she remembers have the things she has said because she is not focused on problem solving she is focused on herself.

Like 'coffee bean' said, I have stopped wasting my energy on trying to reason with her. I love her and I believe things will eventually work themselves out. However, for now, because she is so clouded and blinded right now, I will focus on improving my life and trying not to rely on my marriage to provide certain aspects of my happiness.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Married 17 years (together 24)

2006: four times
2007: once (hello child #4)
2008: three times
2009: twice so far
miserable: you betcha 

She will not initiate, shows no interest, and refuses to discuss it. When I initiate, if I get a response at all, I feel guilty for 'forcing' her since she's obviously not into it.

But I know we have problems far beyond frequency of sex. If I can manage to put it in words, its a topic for a different thread.


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## Mdcl33 (Mar 20, 2009)

Sorry to hear that. I don't know how you live like that. I would go crazy. Does your wife take any anti-depressents? Just found out myself that Lexapro my wife takes greatly decreases libido.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

No medications. She has never shown much interest. 

I'm not happy. But you ask how can I live like that? What real choice do I have? It might sound selfish, but as miserable as I might be sexually, at least I get time with my kids every day...make supper, baths, bedtime stories. Things I would miss if I pressed the issue and it turned out badly.


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## Mdcl33 (Mar 20, 2009)

You are right about the time with kids. You do have to sacrifice your desires for that. That's what keeps me going in mine. Good luck and be strong.


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## Rookie (Jan 4, 2009)

Okay guys! You're making me feel bad! lol 

I've been married 8 months and we sex 2-3 times a month! 

It's been a issue since we started going out ... he get nervous and shuts down. The Doc told him he has ED & gave him meds but I have to ask him to take it PLEASE! 

I just turned 30 and he's 28. 

Go home and have sex for me! lol


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## Mdcl33 (Mar 20, 2009)

OK will do tonight.
Sorry but you need to get him fixed up. That's not right.


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## Rookie (Jan 4, 2009)

I thought I was being unreasonable by seeking intimacy way more than he does but after reading this thread I realized just how wrong I was. Some of the people that posted have 3-4 kids and they still have more intimacy than we do. I actually talked to him last night in a very gentle but open manner and it seemed to go well. I don't think I was doing myself or our relationship any good by ignoring the issue. 

Thx guys!!!!


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

You did the right thing Rookie.

My wife and I have been married over 9 years, have 3 kids that range in age from 7 to 2, and we have sex on average 4-6 times per week.

Even at our "worst" or lowest times in our marriage it was still twice a week on average.


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## MarineWife08 (Apr 17, 2009)

Hmm... married a year in 2 weeks. make love 5-8 times week.
Sometimes I want more and he cant "do it" so I kind of just play it off like its okay. I don't know how to "masturbate".

Virgin when I met my husband....


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## Sjdrake (Apr 17, 2009)

First time posting here. But after reading some posts I feel worried about my just beginnng marriage. Just got married last week at the courthouse (wedding cermony with family in June). We haven't had sex in 5 weeks, even though this is longer than normal for us we are only intimate maybe once ever 2-3 weeks. Thought it might be normal but after reading some of these posts I feel even more depressed and frustrated.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Sjdrake said:


> First time posting here. But after reading some posts I feel worried about my just beginnng marriage. Just got married last week at the courthouse (wedding cermony with family in June). We haven't had sex in 5 weeks, even though this is longer than normal for us we are only intimate maybe once ever 2-3 weeks. Thought it might be normal but after reading some of these posts I feel even more depressed and frustrated.


Whether you thought it was normal or not, I can't understand why you got married. Are you saying the marriage isn't even legally consummated? If you don't have kids, you could think about annulment. I would.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

MarineWife08 said:


> Hmm... married a year in 2 weeks. make love 5-8 times week.
> Sometimes I want more and he cant "do it" so I kind of just play it off like its okay. I don't know how to "masturbate".
> 
> Virgin when I met my husband....


Get him practising semen retention, and he will be up for it every day, all day. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/4579-semen-retention-101-a.html


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