# Not getting better



## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

Well friends, unlike my name says I am not getting better. How I wish I was…
I have not posted my story here yet, mainly lurking and reading. Here it is, short version.
Met her very early. I was her first boyfriend. We dated shortly and broke up…but we stayed friends the whole time. She dated others and so did I. We got back together in ’98 and figured out we always loved each other. Two years later we got married. We had ups and downs, like any normal marriage. Mainly financial issues. But soon we both got good jobs, bought a new big house. Went on vacations to Europe, Mexico…traveled all over the US. The 6 years into the marriage our first kid was born, two years later the second one. We were living the American dream. All our friends and family were saying that we were the perfect couple. Always doing stuff together…everything. From grocery shopping to going out to dinners and dates. My ex wife worked from home the whole time and was making good money.
Well, she started going to these meetings weekly, sometimes twice a week. Few times out of town. I did not like it much, but I always supported her. That’s what she likes doing so why not. If she is happy I’m happy too. Fast forward to a month after our 12th anniversary (I see that a lot, after 12 years) she asked for a divorce…out of the blue! Well, little did I know that she met OM at one of these meetings and he started to complain to her about the state of his marriage, and at first she was telling him how everybody goes thru that, even us, and she also told him that she loves me….weird,huh…Well, she fell for his lies. He was not having any problems in his marriage. I confirmed this with his wife. After I caught her she moved out and took the kids with her. I did all the wrong stuff…crying, begging, pleading. I was a mess…Lost a lot of weight. Finally few months later, after a few fake R tryouts, I filed for D. During the fake R she was still with him, but I guess she felt bad for me…or for the family and tried. Well, our divorce has been final for 7 months now. She broke up with OM 5 months ago. I have no idea what happened, but I know she hates his guts now. Around Christmas time she came over to my (our) house and started crying. Saying how she missed the family life. She was miserable. So for a few days we were talking, but nothing else happened. I thought she finally sees the light. Even posted on her FB some love quotes. But boy was I wrong. Few days later she went completely cold on me. Cut out all communication. Even when I tried to talk to her about the kids she would not respond. I sent her an email telling her to grow up and communicate about the kids. Well, she did not like that. So ever since Christmas our relationship (if you can call it that) has been very cold. I am doing LC and only talk about the kids. 
What triggered me is her sister telling me she has a new boyfriend since January. Even my kids met him. That hurt horribly. Still does. This weekend is her weekend with the kids, but she chose to go out with her new BF. He is truck driver and they do not see each other often, so any chance she gets she sees him. I know I should not care what she does. And trust me, I am trying. I loved this woman ever since I met her. Never cheated on her, never drank, gambled. Gave her everything. How can someone just turn overnight into a completely different person? Maybe I was boring husband. I do not know…I am looking for answers. I know it’s not my fault, and I own my share of problems. But still hurts how someone could do this. She refused MC. Never tried…and now is completely cold towards me. Just cares about her new fling. 
How do I cope? I have been going to IC. Read a lot of books. Had a rebound relationship. Going out with friends…hitting gym daily...meditating. It does not seem to help much. Any advice…I really want to get over this and start living a normal life again. And no, I do not want to check out of this life. I have two wonderful kids. I know better days will come. But it feels I have not moved an inch in the last year. I do not know why, but I would still love to have my family back, and I understand that is not healthy thinking. I still love this woman. Why?


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

Forgot to say that before we got back together she just got out of 5 year relationship. Dumped the old BF same way she dumped me. Never again talked to him. I met the guy, and he was very nice. She even says he has always been more than nice to her. 
What is wrong with this woman to jump from one relationship into another so quick? What is wrong with me to want her back?


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

it may be the thrill of the newness of a relationship.. then when it wears off they again seek that thrill.

Couple that with someone who can't be alone and you have what you are experiencing.


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## eldubya (Aug 23, 2012)

Hi GettingBetter:
I got dumped unilaterally by my spouse. He has unstable self esteem and was also pretty high maintenance. That is he was always bored and seeking for others to adulate him. I concur with Ostera that this combination is not gonna lead to a stable relationship.
I have been divorced since Aug. 2012 and am just starting to realize how Ok Im gonna be. The ex has moved in with a girlfriend and that was hard to take. I made it a point to do no contact whatsoever. That has been my salvation.
You have kids so no contact is impossible. I suggest you keep contact to a minimum and focus on the parenting. Dont let her play the hot/cold emotional games with you. You aren't her counselor and any care you are obligated to show ended with the divorce.
You are doing the right things..meditating and going to the gym and IC. Its going to take time for these to work in terms of internal change. I kinda had a noticeable change in attitude one day after meditating but realize your change could be gradual. Be kind and patient with yourself and realize you are gonna still have bad days.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Thanks for writing, I'm sorry for what you have been through and we can all relate.

There were problems in your marriage, and in the original posOM's...people don't cheat for absolutely no reason. Your wife was unhappy in some way, but I don't think it is a good idea to continue dwelling on why. It is keeping you stuck.

Please recognize that you have progressed, maybe not as much as you'd like but you are getting up, going to work I assume, taking care of your kids which is no small feat...you are surviving and that is huge. Give yourself some credit. You have a roof over your head and that's more than many who go through divorce. Count your blessings and learn how to feel gratitude to start feeling better immediately. You are going through the.motions of a new life, you need to focus now on thinking positively (Google CBT) and healing yourself emotionally. Focus on yourself and stop thinking about her. As hard as it is now, in time that will become your new normal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

MyselfAgain said:


> Thanks for writing, I'm sorry for what you have been through and we can all relate.
> 
> There were problems in your marriage, and in the original posOM's...people don't cheat for absolutely no reason. Your wife was unhappy in some way, but I don't think it is a good idea to continue dwelling on why. It is keeping you stuck.
> 
> ...


We never had any big problems. Even her family was shocked with all this. They still call me sometimes to check up on me. I am still really good friend with her sister and brother, but we do not talk much about her or about divorce. Our biggest problem was communication. Actually it was her. She was always closed, she kept it all inside. Not really good at expressing her feelings. But she always did talk about how much she loves me, all the things I do for her. She loved my mom...they talked almost daily on the phone. Since she left me she never talked to any of my family members, even though they tried to reach out to her number of times. That is another thing that is hard for me. I have no family enywhere near. Most of old friends dissapeared. I met a lot of new friends at the divorce support group. My best buddy is going thru same thing. 
Talking about having a roof over my head....my house is in foreclosure and I have to move out in two weeks. I am about to lose my job, but have something else lined up already for less money. Now i have to pay for CS and new apartment. I am not sure if I will be able to make ends meet. I was thinking about going back to court to get CS lowered, but I have no money forlawyers. I am paying full 28% CS, even though we have 50/50 custody. And on top of that i pay for half of all after school activities. I wont be able to take my kids for a pizza or buy them anything. Going from 4 bedroom house to 1 bedroom apartment. Sometimes I fear that the kids will not want to come to my place because they wont have their own bedroom...or because I wont be able to buy them cool stuff. Sad....
I will eventually bounce back. But going from a big house, nice jobs, vacations, luxury cars to a 1br apt...its hard.
I do show my kids how much I love them, and they love spending time with me...but I fear once she moves in with her BF they will be able to provide them with much more. And if I take on a second job I will be seeing them a l8t less. It's just a crappy situation. Seems I cant catch a break no matter what I try.
Thanks for your replies. Reading them gives me a good felling. Like someone really cares.


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## gulfwarvet (Jan 7, 2013)

In the state of Mn the deviation for a change in support is 15% I believe.You need to go to the courthouse and put in a motion for adjustment of CS asap.Shouldn't take a lawyer to do this just have receipts of all of your bill,paystub etc.Most court houses in cities have a law library to help facilitate the filling out of legal forms.Since you have 50% custody of the kids its important they live decent at your home also!!!


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## ExisaWAW (Mar 5, 2013)

Gettingbetter, wow, you and I have the exact same sitch. I was married for 12 years of mostly bliss. Our issues were extremely minor stuff that all marriages go through. My ex had an affair, got caught, and wanted a divorce. No MC, no trying to work it out. I was shocked. We have two girls, 8 & 12, and they are shocked as well. Like your ex, mine bounced around from guy to guy immediately. She has settled down with a guy for the last 8 months. They are talking marriage. I am still in disbelief. Clearly our exes were unhappy far before they cheated. Why they didn't let us know so we could have fixed the problems is a mystery. 

I have done loads of research on this. Our wives had Walk Away Wife syndrome. (WAW or WAS; spouse). One of the best threads you will ever read on this can be found on the enotalone.com website in the divorce forum. It's entitled Relationship with the X and it was started by John Bendix. He actually wrote a book on it as well. I strongly encourage you to read the thread. Some of the guys have been posting for several years. The similarities in their stories is unreal. The WAS section here does not adequately describe the true syndrome IMO. 

I've been divorced now for 11 months & the thing I struggle with the most is how my ex has become a completely different person. I recognize her physically, but that's about it. Sure, she still exhibits some of the same narcissistic personality traits but her values are totally different. She is less than half the parent she was, we lived for our kids, she lives for herself & dumps them wherever she can so she can go out to parties, etc. She probably also went through (maybe still going through) a MLC. She was 39 when we were separated and turned 40 last May. She is obsessed with her appearance and has had liposuction, hair removal, etc., etc. Another crazy part is that we were incredibly involved with our girls & their school/ activities & now they don't have any extracurricular activities at all. It's a huge change from the life they used to have. 

Like you, I went from riches to rags. I had a terrific career making over $200k per year, lived in a 7800 sqft mansion on acreage, had a beautiful stay at home wife who got bored and no longer wanted to be the wife/ mother that was her life. She wanted parties, passion, & to be in total control of her destiny. She stopped going to church & now just hangs out with her BF & his kids when I have our girls. Two weeks before I found out about her affair, I accepted a layoff to get a 1 year severance pkge at work. 16 months later I still haven't found work!! Like you, I live in a small apt. 

Like you, I was clinging to hope & praying daily that somehow, some way, God would bring us back together. 11 months after the divorce that doesn't seem likely. She seems very happy in her new life & I'm the only one miserable. I need to realize that she is fundamentally a different person. We do not enjoy the same things. I enjoy spending free time with my girls. Family & Faith are important to me. She's into parties & hanging out with friends. Just recently when I had our girls, she went to the beach with a group of friends. She hasn't taken our girls once. 

The other mistake I made post D is staying in such close contact with her. I used to go over her new house and fix things when they broke. Clearly this is a mistake. I don't do those sorts of things anymore but I am in way too close of contact with her. I cannot be friends with someone who I still have strong feelings for and who clearly no longer loves me or values the family we used to be. I am in the process of initiating the latest round of LC. 

So, remember that your ex us not the same person. Someone who can throw away a marriage by breaking her vows & cheating obviously doesn't know anything about love & commitment. They are no longer worthy of our affection, and yet many survivors of WAWs are left pining for another chance to get back what was lost. I completely understand it. We have a mild version of PTSD. If you do research on infidelity, you will see that the cheated upon spouse can take up to 3 years to heal and move on. 

And, like you, my ex invited me ovr for Christmas last year and she cried as well. Mine will never admit she made a mistake and is determined to give the appearance that she us doing just fine. I read too much into those tears. I saw them as tears of regret & thought we might have a chance for reconciliation but that turned out to be a mirage. 

I know a lot about WAWs. Feel free to PM me anytime. God bless you & your children & best of luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Doesn't this sound like the Plan B situation where GB is always the safety security net?

Be careful brother, your comments show a pretty steady predictable pattern.

Stretch


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

Understand that it is only part of you that wishes for her back. You planned on a particular life for yourself and now that is over. its so easy to let just one part rule your feelings. See if you can find the parts of you that understand that she was not good for you, and the parts that can tell you how great a Dad you are and learn to quiet the parts that try to get you all hung up with her again. I am treating my ex like a toxin that I am addicted to and doing my best to let him go from my life.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Always remember....no one is forced to cheat

it is a choice

Had she any integrity she would have D you

and then sought him out

but how often do we hear of a WAS doing this?


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

Stretch said:


> Doesn't this sound like the Plan B situation where GB is always the safety security net?
> 
> Be careful brother, your comments show a pretty steady predictable pattern.
> 
> Stretch


What do you mean by steady predictable pattern?
I know that just the part of me wants her back. I know that will never happen. I could not do it...not after all she did and said to me. Life is getting better, slowly. Getting back together with her would have been living hell. I could not live that kind of life. Looking over my shoulder every minute....thinking if she is gonna do it again. No thank you.

ExisaWAW...wow, your story is just like mine. I did read that forum...all 200 something pages in one night. Its kind of depressing that some guys are on there for years, still pinning over their WAW's. I can promise you now I am not going to be one of those guys.
I had a great weekend with bunch of friends from my divorce support group. We were out all day Saturday and Sunday having fun. And that made me realize what I have been missing on for the past 12 years. I never had any close friends I could go out with and have fun. She did not like me doing that. We are planning on going to concerts, musicals...just having fun all summer long. There is this girl from the group that I clicked with. We have been talking on the phone for hours for last couple of days. She is very smart, and what a difference between her and my ex. The only thing my ex talked about is fashion, makeup and crap like that. In 12 years she probably read two books. Always criticized me for reading too many history books (i love those)...i was going to a museums by myself. It really dawned on me that she was not a woman for me. It feels good when you start to realize some things. 
Now I can do whatever I want...lol. Decided to get a tattoo. I always wanted one. Maybe this is not so bad.


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## Lookingforward (Jun 7, 2012)

Not sure how much help I will be, but it helps me reading others views / situations :

_"I know that just the part of me wants her back. I know that will never happen. I could not do it...not after all she did and said to me. Life is getting better, slowly. Getting back together with her would have been living hell. I could not live that kind of life. Looking over my shoulder every minute....thinking if she is gonna do it again. No thank you."_

I've said this 100 times to any of my friends that would listen over the last year but knowing that somewhere inside me I hoped we would R, that thought of wanting your old 'perfect' life back.

_"I can promise you now I am not going to be one of those guys."_
Probably my biggest fear, I have mixed with friends and read threads where years after the same situations as ourselves they still would take their WAW back, one of my friends who's wife has even gone on to have a baby with the POSOM. I KNOW he would still take her back and it must be 3-4 years since she left him and he's in a new relationship himself. It shows you the power of the mind and fear of change etc. 


Your last paragraph is inspiration and exactly what you should do - concentrate on moving on and making a NEW life / friends. 

My d-day was a year ago almost exactly, the new man (my friend) was made public within 3 weeks, playing step-dad within 8 !. 
We were together for 10 years, married 3 and have a boy (7), girl (3). Had all the trappings of success but were probably too young and she was bored (she's 28). I divorced as quickly as I could, they bought a house within months, he's a bit younger than me (31) financially he's on par or better off than me. 
The hard part is the kids because they like him and play with him and it hurts like hell - even now at times. I haven't seen or spoken to him since I found out, his day will come whether its from me, my children when they understand who he really is, or karma. 

My mistake or something that I think has held me back was staying in the same town and trying to keep elements of my old life, friends etc. Bottom line is that when you live in a small town and are 'known' its very hard to start from scratch and there are always constant reminders of what has happened to you and what your life once was. Even now I will get told 'oh they were in such and such bar at the weekend etc'

My latest effort and response is to give notice on my office last week and am looking at moving to London for a bit (i'm 1hr away so not too far for the kids). It's so refreshing to meet new people and walk through the streets without the feeling of dragging your past around in a suitcase behind you with people nattering about your life. 

Sounds like you are doing the same in terms of new things and I think that's where friends and other people on the boards struggle. I was determined at 1st that B********** was my home town and I wouldn't let them move me out but the truth is I need to get out to be able to move on. 

Good Luck and all the best from a friend on the other side of the pond


P.S. Someone once said or I read a long time ago that this is like a bereavement etc etc. This is true but for me they confused who had died, in their view I had 'lost' my life but actually for me its more like I have died and then had to watch(ed) my wife / family move on with a new life without me.

It's such a harrowing experience and I truly don't wish it on my worst enemy. All the best.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Please remember that she probably does miss the family, but that is separate from actually missing you. sometimes people forget that the two are mutually exclusive. When she's single she gets lonely and misses the familiarity and comfort of the family, but if she actually missed you she wouldn't be getting another guy and going cold on you. Be careful, do you want someone that doesn't really want a relationship with you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Based on my experiences, no matter how nice and friendly her family may be to you. You need to severely, maybe even completely curtail all contact with them. If they complain, blame it on advise from your attorney. Continued communication with them during your divorce, will ultimately not serve you very well. If they really want to be a continuing part of your life, they can do it after your divorce is final. After divorce, you will find out who your real friends are. "Family" and otherwise.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

50/50 custody is not at all related to child support. But it's worth filing the paperwork yourself for sure.

Also, unless it's ordered, you don't have to pay half of the activities. Child support is for food, shelter, utilities, clothing... their BASIC care. Yes you want your kids to participate but if she is doing better than you are, she'll find a way even without your financial input.

Also, seek out some free/cheap counseling. I found myself without a job the same week I left my ex. United Family Services (part of United Way) provided counseling for me and my daughter (I wanted to help her cope with the changes) on a sliding scale. While doing temp work/unemployed, I paid $7 (yes SEVEN) for an hour session.

You need your own family, own circle of friends, own life, own activities. It's not healthy to continue to be connected to her in any way besides the kids.


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

toonaive said:


> Based on my experiences, no matter how nice and friendly her family may be to you. You need to severely, maybe even completely curtail all contact with them. If they complain, blame it on advise from your attorney. Continued communication with them during your divorce, will ultimately not serve you very well. If they really want to be a continuing part of your life, they can do it after your divorce is final. After divorce, you will find out who your real friends are. "Family" and otherwise.


My divorce if finalized 8 months ago. I tried being friendly with my ex in-laws, but realized they are not my family any more. I still treat them with respect, but there is no more small talk or anything. We just exchange hello's when I'm picking up the kids. No need for anything else. I do not want them to be part of my life, as much as I thought i would be able to. There is nothing to talk to them about. They are not bad people, but I cant deal with them enabling her to act the way she does. On her weekend with the kids she leaves them with her parents so she can be with her new boyfriend. The kids tell me that she is never home, never takes them anywhere...but I've learned to keep my mouth shut and not care about her life. One day kids to will see her true colors. They are already talking about living with me when they are old enough. Does anyone know at what age can the kids legally decide where they want to live?

You are right. I did find out who my real friends are. I distanced myself from all the "toxic" ones. And so did my ex. She completely cut off everything with all our old mutual friends. The only friend she's got in her life now is her truck driver boyfriend. It will be interesting to watch that relationship burn . Poor guy.



> I've said this 100 times to any of my friends that would listen over the last year but knowing that somewhere inside me I hoped we would R, that thought of wanting your old 'perfect' life back


That "perfect" old life is forever gone. I could not live with her ever with knowing that she could do the same thing again. After she's been with two guys...not showing any remorse, regret or guilt for what she did. I could never have sex with her again. I also realized that she did not change much from when she was with me. I just see her differently. All the red flags were always there. Her crazy sex cravings, obsession with her looks, with other's opinions about her...I see it all now.
Now we have a chance to create something even better, to make ourselves better people, better parents, better friends, better sons and daughters... I realized that...but it took me a while. I lost my true self in my marriage. NOW is the opportunity to make a better life. To do fun things. To meet new people. To try new things. Volunteer...take a trip out of town.
I started writing down things I want to do...you should see it .
I crossed few off already. And it feels great.

I am just looking at this whole thread and how it started with me saying I’m not getting better. Stupid me. It’s ME who put myself into that position, into that kind of thinking. The only person responsible for my feelings, thoughts and actions is ME. 
The power of positive thinking…it’s amazing.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

We all fall in the rabbit hole. Good post. You are observing at 50k feet.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Wow, 

Similar stories.

Almost divorced, she signed I am just waiting for the appointment to get into the lawyers office to sign. 

But my soon to be Ex does not talk to me or look at me. I have tried in the past to talk to her about it, but she does not want to talk or just completely refuses to talk and ignores me. You would think I had the affair and abused her some how. 

My wife as well had issues communicating more advanced emotional issues. 

She semi abandoned the kids atm. She ran out and got an apartment with this other man and only sleeps on the couch during the week days to take the kids to school and pick them up. Then she splits over to her apartment after dropping them off at school and back to my home. On Friday she leaves for their apartment and does not come back until Sunday night around 8 to 9 PM..

Together 19 years, married 14 with 2 kids.. It went from Fake R to semi talking to zero talking.. I have no clue how it went this nuts..

From what I have been told from my in laws she has cut off all communication to all her family. 

I was tempted to call a cousin to see if she is talking to my STBXW but for what ? To know what ? To get her back ? For what ? To crush me again.

You know what I am about to say, you already heard it before. 

Your not going to get your answers.. You might never know why.. Maybe a year from now, 10 years from now. But I wouldn't wait for it. 

As I have been told you need to learn somehow to detach. 

I know easier said then done, but it is what is needed. You need to move on. Again I know easier said then done. Personally I wake up each day and just trudge on. I don't want to get up, but I do. I don't want to go to work, but I do. I don't want to do any work when I get in, but I do it. Then go home and deal with my kids. The only thing that keeps me going.. 

You just keep going until it gets better ( lol go figure ). When I have no rats a$$ clue. Its either that or do yourself in. Personally I couldn't leave my kids with this piece of garbage my Ex has become. She would destroy my kids. My 13 year old doesn't even want to be with her because of what she has done to me and our family and how she treated us after she decided to leave. I could only imagine the pain he would feel knowing he would be stuck with her if something happen to me. I tell my kids all the time I love their mother. I NEVER want them to ever tell her that I said anything bad. I don't ever want them to be resentful toward me years later for saying anything bad towards her. I want her to show them the monster she is and she has. 

End result IC, TAM and suck it up and carry on. Not religious, but good luck and God Bless.


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## Crossroad (Apr 11, 2013)

I also got cheated upon by my wife before we got married. It was the worst hell I had ever been into. Somehow it seems good people hurt more when the ever morale less partner cheat on you. Praying to god, religion don't help with the pain but being bad as well with another woman does.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Crossroad said:


> I also got cheated upon by my wife before we got married. It was the worst hell I had ever been into. Somehow it seems good people hurt more when the ever morale less partner cheat on you. Praying to god, religion don't help with the pain but being bad as well with another woman does.


Either you read my thread or its just coincidence.. My wife cheated or was looking to cheat as well before we got married. I just rug swept it.


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## Crossroad (Apr 11, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> Either you read my thread or its just coincidence.. My wife cheated or was looking to cheat as well before we got married. I just rug swept it.


Maybe because many women are like that. It totally turns my belief and trust in women upside down. Looking back I don't think people should marry people who had cheated or hurtled them a lot. There is no trust in the marriage. Life is never peaceful like that.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Crossroad Do not let the sins of the past pre-determine the emotions with women in the future


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Crossroad said:


> Maybe because many women are like that. It totally turns my belief and trust in women upside down. Looking back I don't think people should marry people who had cheated or hurtled them a lot. There is no trust in the marriage. Life is never peaceful like that.



Na they definitely shouldn't and what if it's started before they're even married , kick her [email protected]@ the fk out the door , don't go and marry the stupid [email protected] for fk sake.
And GB , so sorry for your situation and everything you've been through. It's pretty clear though that whoever she was has left the building , you can know that right , you don't want someone like this new her back . You can't rebuild with someone that's proved over and over they can't be trusted and in the worst way, your far too good a man for that. Her selfish karma will come , maybe next week or in 5 years but it will.


Women seem to have gone absolutely mad in this last decade or two since we all met and got married first time round.
I too have a bloody hard time finding respect for so many now and I see so many similarities in 60% of them whom I wouldn't trust with someone elses now.
Women are definitely of my pedestal let me tell you . 
The days of listening to their crap of men this men that is long gone for me because 3/4 of them are even worse , far worse . 
And what's this WAW thing , where's the WAH thing , hardly see anything about the men. 
Is that because so many women are doing it ?

Anyway , as bitter and fkd up as it sounds, I don't know what my future holds with someone new either . How can you possibly know the new one isn't just full of [email protected] like the rest , look at GB's . A devoted family girl , goes to damn church and everything.
This place is full of them .


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Crossroad said:


> Maybe because many women are like that. It totally turns my belief and trust in women upside down. Looking back I don't think people should marry people who had cheated or hurtled them a lot. There is no trust in the marriage. Life is never peaceful like that.


Its not women in particular. Some people are always looking for something better on the horizon because they are the types that are never content or truly happy. Once they find someone who they think is that dream they lie to themselves about their current relationship to the point they really are miserable. This allows them to justify cheating since they are so unhappy. The point is these types of people never find happiness without getting help. They think their life should be a fantasy world that doesn't really exist and keep reaching for it.


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

This weekend I finally moved out of the house where I spent last 10 years. It was not easy…Lots of emotions. I am still sad thinking about how we planned to spend the rest of our lives in that house. I really loved it, it was home. Both kids were born there…made first steps in the house. On the day of the move ex-wife came by to pick up some of her stuff. She just stood at the front door, looking around with tears in her eyes saying what a beautiful house it is. No regrets on her part for letting it all go away. She just hugged me and wished me all the best in life. I showed her no emotions, just answered that I am happy to have my own place now. Even though the money is very tight I decided to rent a two bedroom apartment so the boys can have their own room. The reality of life after divorce just hit me…again. Here I am…all alone, no family anywhere near…few friends who helped me move…and my kids.
First night in the apartment was weird…I could not sleep. Just looking at the boxes and thinking how last 12 years fit into few cardboard boxes. I cried…thinking about my boys, how I won’t be able to give them the life and the family they deserved…the things they wanted the most. For a little bit I had that same feeling of failing them. But I know it’s not my wrongdoing. So it did not last. 
This weekend I was at the birthday party for one of my friends kids. Ex was there too…It was weird for everyone. Some friends were making jokes about us getting back together. I just told everyone I would leave if they kept talking about it. We had a good laugh too…they showed me a pic of her new truck driver BF. Could not believe it..6’2”, about 300lb…just laughable. It kinda felt good knowing I was not replaced by younger, better looking model. 
Strangely, I still do miss her…or it might be the old life I miss. But I am slowly building a better one. No, as I said before, it would take a miracle for me to take her back…even if she begged me, which she never will. 
Next week I am starting a new job. More money, better benefits, and it fits me better. I just hope she won’t come after more child support. But this time I will fight it.
TAM and people here sure does make me feel better.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

who pays mortgage?


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## GettingBetter (Mar 7, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> who pays mortgage?


Foreclosure. She moved out year ago...I lost a job, could not afford it. She wanted nothing to do with it. :-(


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

GettingBetter said:


> This weekend I finally moved out of the house where I spent last 10 years. It was not easy…Lots of emotions. I am still sad thinking about how we planned to spend the rest of our lives in that house. I really loved it, it was home. Both kids were born there…made first steps in the house. On the day of the move ex-wife came by to pick up some of her stuff. She just stood at the front door, looking around with tears in her eyes saying what a beautiful house it is. No regrets on her part for letting it all go away. She just hugged me and wished me all the best in life. I showed her no emotions, just answered that I am happy to have my own place now. Even though the money is very tight I decided to rent a two bedroom apartment so the boys can have their own room. The reality of life after divorce just hit me…again. Here I am…all alone, no family anywhere near…few friends who helped me move…and my kids.
> First night in the apartment was weird…I could not sleep. Just looking at the boxes and thinking how last 12 years fit into few cardboard boxes. I cried…thinking about my boys, how I won’t be able to give them the life and the family they deserved…the things they wanted the most. For a little bit I had that same feeling of failing them. But I know it’s not my wrongdoing. So it did not last.
> This weekend I was at the birthday party for one of my friends kids. Ex was there too…It was weird for everyone. Some friends were making jokes about us getting back together. I just told everyone I would leave if they kept talking about it. We had a good laugh too…they showed me a pic of her new truck driver BF. Could not believe it..6’2”, about 300lb…just laughable. It kinda felt good knowing I was not replaced by younger, better looking model.
> Strangely, I still do miss her…or it might be the old life I miss. But I am slowly building a better one. No, as I said before, it would take a miracle for me to take her back…even if she begged me, which she never will.
> ...


Its going to be this way for awhile. Its not easy. 

You'll have to find some balance between unpacking those boxes, but also allowing some down time to mourn.

Takes time - but it will get better. You'll eventually start to grow into that screen name you picked...


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