# Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"



## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

I have been reading "No more mister nice guy." for 3 days now. The Ineffective Nice Guy Paradigm chapter hit hard. These things learned as a child are spot on to my family.

My father was a hard working man. He had a successful body shop, that he was in for 10 hours a day sometimes on Saturday. The was a very popular Teen leader in our church. He had a natural sense about him to help people overcome all kinds of life trials and tribulations. He is educated and well spoke. A natural leader, that everyone liked. He was the classic Nice guy. Would give anyone the shirt off his back. Buy dinner for homeless, fix cars for needy. Give money to dam near strangers in our church that fell on hard times. He honestly believed that god would bless his deeds. But he struggled with internal rage.

He spent hours with us kids, talking to us about anger, rage and sex. How to deal with these things. BUT, I'm now learning that while not all of what he said works or is true. He used to tell us all the time to "keep peace with our mother." "No matter what, even if she is wrong." "He told us he knows her and when she’s exaggerating the situation." He gave us a good life. When my little brother died in a car accident. He left my mother (24 yrs marriage) Gave her everything and moved to the mountains. Secluded himself and drank allot. He was angry at god, my mother and was a shell of a man I once knew.

My Mother: She was a House wife and wanted for nothing. Jewelry, fur coats, a huge home paid for, money, cars, vacations, ect. (My parents had a Jacuzzi in their bedroom for god sake) She was partly a good mother, she was half nurturing and kind. We never didn’t have a clean home. We where never hungry, she always cooked. Always had clothes and clean laundry. That being said there was another side to her. She would flip out on the drop of a hat. Become physically and mentally abusing my brother and I with crazy crap that came out of her mouth. My dad would come home and she would be in his face the second he got home. She fought LOUD, so all was heard and seen by us kids. She cursed and was physically abusive to my father. Her main issue SEX. She obviously was HD and he was LD. Poor man was miserable. I doubt he wanted her when she acted like that.

All that to say that that domestic situation has conditioned me to: Do everything for my wife, even when she doesnt ask. Buy her lots of expensive things. Help with any and everything she needs. Try hard to be perfect. Avoid any conflict and pride myself in it. Apologize without thinking if it was my fault something didnt work out. I am a good father a good husband and just like my father successful in everything I do. 

Classic Nice guy I am hasn’t had sex with my wife but once in 3 mths. Its been dying off for the last 2 yrs of a 10 year marriage. She ignores me, shows me very little attention. She is never mean, but shows no emotion, doesn’t touch me at all and ignores me on her Ipad, playing games. Computer surfing the net. Texting on her phone. I have been very angry!! We talk about it she says she doesn’t understand that she don't even masturbate much. I woke up a couple times and found her in the living room doing it to porn. I got pissed and said crap like "WTH wake me up!" I told you too! I am in resentment and am so anger at her. 

How do you reverse the 10 years of nice guy damage. I get it the book and I think I can change myself, quickly. How long does it take if I change this viscous cycle? Can I save my marriage, I’ve been yelling, screaming, accusing her of affairs, punching walls ect. not acting like myself.

NOTE:
I got some good advice in my other thread, I called a professional today and we start marriage counciling next week.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

You really just have to truly understand that no woman is more important than YOU.

No woman deserves a higher plane of respect than you deserve for yourself.

That's really all it is, kinda hard to get to when you've been indoctrinated completely opposite though.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



tacoma said:


> You really just have to truly understand that no woman is more important than YOU.
> 
> No woman deserves a higher plane of respect than you deserve for yourself.
> 
> That's really all it is, kinda hard to get to when you've been indoctrinated completely opposite though.


Bro, I can do it. I have already started. I will not appoligize for anything even when Im wrong. I try to say "Well that didnt work out did it." Then walk away. I am already makeing important decisions without asking. counsiling, I called and told her we where going. Im very capable. I kick [email protected]@ at work cause of my balenced leadership. I can do that at home now I know I have been wrong. I didnt know! I'm 39 this is some BS I'm finding this [email protected]@ out now WTH!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

Some questions I would ask to any self-proclaimed Nice Guy....

...are you honestly in love with your wife? If you could have a guilt free affair, would you?

This may seem like an easy answer at first glance. But many of the true NG's I've known didn't actually love their wives, they just simply didn't want to be divorced or deal with another woman. They were afraid of the "unknown". They were complacent. They were not in LOVE with her, though. They just didn't want to go through anymore pain so they ignored their actual emotions and feelings about her.

So....are you really in love with her?


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

I never understood what was wrong with a nice guy. Even when I was in high school, there were girls who always argued with their boyfriends, and some boys were even known to hit their girlfriends, but the girls just "loved him too much" and would always go back.

My brother and I used to joke that maybe instead of being nice to our dates, we need to give them a black eye; maybe that would keep them coming back.  I think it's sad when being a "nice guy" is a problem.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

It is sad but it's reality. If you just want to get laid. ...treat them like sh1t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



Faithful Wife said:


> Some questions I would ask to any self-proclaimed Nice Guy....
> 
> ...are you honestly in love with your wife? If you could have a guilt free affair, would you?
> 
> ...


Honestly 100% we talk for hours, she is my best friend. The lack of affection from her, is killing me cause while sex has been dwinding off slow for 2 years. This was BAM, 3 mths ago. There is a differance between sex and true intimacy. Intimacy left the building and I gave up and retreted to resentment. Ignoring her to till I cant take it get pissed off and explode. I never nor will I ever hit my wife. I have kicked the [email protected]@ out of a buddy for hitting his in front of me. I have no friends but her. Lots of co-workers no real friend except my son. We do lots of stuff together.

I have had several situations where i could have had affairs. I did not and one or two I ran like hell from cause I know not to indulge a bad sitation like that. I travel alot. Party with the guys when I do. Oppertunity is there. I love her and could not live with my guilt. I have morals taught by father.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

Ok, cool, thank you for answering.

YES there is hope.

Have you joined the NMMNG forum? They are really great with advice for your type of situation.

But hopefully you realize, you will likely have a lot of difficult inner work to do. It takes time and effort and a whole change in your thinking.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

Taking your balls out of your purse and putting them back on the underside of your **** starts paying dividends immediately and for anyone that isnt intrigued enough to stick around and see the full outcome isnt worth bothering with any way and you wont care.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



Faithful Wife said:


> Ok, cool, thank you for answering.
> 
> YES there is hope.
> 
> ...


Case in point from my other thread in Men's clubhouse.
this was yesterday.
Explain this???

I race 4 wheelers (hobby), that being said had collar bone broken in a accident last month, it happens. I was at the doctors today, front desk checking in. A nurse about 28, very cute comes out and says to the girl at the counter, "did you eat yet?" The girl at the desk said yes. She said "okay then.........." I without thinking responded I haven't, where are you taking me. (I know what your all thinking, stand by.) She was very pretty no make up, was about 5'6" Hispanic girl 28ish and a playful demeanor about her. Looks like my wife, (my wife's from Puerto Rico.)

My response was auto, didn't mean to. The pretty girl locked her arm around mine and said "where are you taking me?" "She then smiled, touched my hand and said I'm going to get fired." and left. Oh for god sake. I'm 39 and look 30ish, Im in great shape and good looking. I have a successful career that pays well. What is wrong with my wife!!!

This was very gratifying but at the same time fueled my anger towards my wife, WTH?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

"This was very gratifying but at the same time fueled my anger towards my wife, WTH?"

Well, the thing is...if this girl was married to you, she might sexually reject you as well. 

Have you joined the NMMNG forum?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



01coltcolt said:


> Bro, I can do it. I have already started. I will not appoligize for anything even when Im wrong. I am already makeing important decisions without asking. counsiling, I called and told her we where going. Im very capable. I kick [email protected]@ at work cause of my balenced leadership. I can do that at home now I know I have been wrong. I didnt know! I'm 39 this is some BS I'm finding this [email protected]@ out now WTH!


:rofl:

Yeah I don't get it either.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



Thoreau said:


> It is sad but it's reality. If you just want to get laid. ...treat them like sh1t.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think there's some room in the center on this one.

You don't have to be a nice guy but you shouldn't be an ******* either.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



Faithful Wife said:


> "This was very gratifying but at the same time fueled my anger towards my wife, WTH?"
> 
> Well, the thing is...if this girl was married to you, she might sexually reject you as well.
> 
> Have you joined the NMMNG forum?


I got to go check it out. 

1 yr of dateing and at the 8 yr mark we were on fire, amazing. started to dwindle on her part 2 yrs ago, for no reason. first 1 time a week, then 1 time a month then 1 time in 2 mths ect. Ive always been like this? 9 years of nice guy finally LD kicks in by her???makes little sense to me but it is what it is none the less.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



tacoma said:


> I think there's some room in the center on this one.
> 
> You don't have to be a nice guy but you shouldn't be an ******* either.


Totally agree with you, bro. Total Aholes are are full on loosers and eventually, get their [email protected]@es kicked by life!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

I understand it doesn't make that much sense. Attraction is not logical. I'm just saying, you of course have resentment toward your wife. But the only one you can change is yourself, right?


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



Faithful Wife said:


> I understand it doesn't make that much sense. Attraction is not logical. I'm just saying, you of course have resentment toward your wife. But the only one you can change is yourself, right?


100% correct. This is 50/50. I'm responsible to change I hope she start changing by meeting my needs. Im sure in counciling that will come up.I deffinatly know where I been going wrong. Plain and simple................I have been looking to her for leadership and approval. Not only was I wrong. It was never nessesary. I just was unaware due to my conditioning.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

I was just raised to be nice, not a doormat, but nice. All the women in my family wanted "nice" men, that's what i was taught.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



southbound said:


> I was just raised to be nice, not a doormat, but nice. All the women in my family wanted "nice" men, that's what i was taught.


I get that, its appreciated on lots of levels. Trust me, my wife's freinds are alwys telling her how lucky she is. She gets it too and Im sure has apprectiated it. Its not about being a [email protected]@ its about holding a leadership role with in your mariage that todays society has bread out of us. But this we are talking about is of a sexual nature. Its all about her subcounciously not having to chase after me cause Im always willing. Its about her not haveing to be jelous of wemon around me cause she knows I wouldnt cheat on her. It all about our primal needs as men and your primal need to be prosued. It seems crazy but makes total sense to me now. When you read the book. Spot on! Good job Dr. Robert A. Glover


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

"I have been looking to her for leadership and approval. Not only was I wrong. It was never nessesary. I just was unaware due to my conditioning"

Right, you understand the dilemma. A woman (sometimes) is completely turned off sexually if she has to be the leader in a family. She doesn't even know this about herself until it is too late sometimes....she may have even demanded you let her lead, and still, she will lose attraction. 

This is not always the case, but it sounds like it is in yours. This is also why I said, the cutie at the doctor's office would likely respond the same way if you were married to her, because you would have inadvertently put her in the lead, too. Get that?

Yes, you can turn this around. You are saying things that show enough self-awareness of the problem to fix it.

You do need help from other men who have fixed it, that's why I mentioned the NMMNG forum.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



Faithful Wife said:


> "I have been looking to her for leadership and approval. Not only was I wrong. It was never nessesary. I just was unaware due to my conditioning"
> 
> Right, you understand the dilemma. A woman (sometimes) is completely turned off sexually if she has to be the leader in a family. She doesn't even know this about herself until it is too late sometimes....she may have even demanded you let her lead, and still, she will lose attraction.
> 
> ...


Thats pretty sound advice, thank you!

You know whats funny I didnt see what I was doing as wrong. I saw it as I care enough about her to have a opinion and meet her needs always. How is that wrong? It is cause I wasnt getting my needs met and I wasnt selfish enough to care. I failed!


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

Here is a simple example where I looked to my wife for leadership and did'nt relize it nor was it nesasary.

Her:"I'm hungry I havent eatin allday." 
Me: "Do you want to go somewhere?"
Her: "I don't know. Kinda tired."
Me: "I'll make you something."
Her: "No don't lets go somewhere."
Me: "Okay what do you feel like?"
Her: "Anything."
Me: "Tell me where you want to eat, I know your on a diet and you have something in mind."
Her: "Lets go to XYZ."

You know what I did wrong? I do and have been doing it in my relationship for years. I didnt make a decsion. 

How I will hadle in the future:
Her:"I'm hungry I havent eatin all day." 
Me: "Okay get (My son's name) dressed lets go?"
Her: "Are we taken my car."
Me: "No, lets take my truck."
Her: "Where are we going?"
Me: "You will see."


I'm make decisions now. If she objects, to my decisions, I will live with the out come. I can't control emotions and need to get over fear of confrontation! its going to be a interesting ride. But if you read my other thread you will understand why i'm in emergency mode..................... To save my marriage!


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



01coltcolt said:


> Bro, I can do it. I have already started. I will not appoligize for anything even when Im wrong. I try to say "Well that didnt work out did it." Then walk away. I am already makeing important decisions without asking. counsiling, I called and told her we where going. Im very capable. I kick [email protected]@ at work cause of my balenced leadership. I can do that at home now I know I have been wrong. I didnt know! I'm 39 this is some BS I'm finding this [email protected]@ out now WTH!


Your learning that many of their motives for being with you in the first place was ALL WRONG. That's why it just cannot work.

I'm not saying for sure for your situation it cannot work, but some of them were doomed from the get go.

Your reading the right information, and you need to make your sharp turn without telling her what you are doing.

Good luck.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



DaddyLongShanks said:


> Your reading the right information, and you need to make your sharp turn without telling her what you are doing.
> 
> Good luck.


I already have and that was the plan all along. Just out of curriousity why is that? Not explaining so she understands. I havent got to that in the book.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



01coltcolt said:


> I already have and that was the plan all along. Just out of curriousity why is that?


If she knows your doing it on purpose she may be less likely to allow some of the balance changes to occur. Will fight it or offright your adjustments as fake.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



DaddyLongShanks said:


> If she knows your doing it on purpose she may be less likely to allow some of the balance changes to occur. Will fight it or offright your adjustments as fake.


Got it. Thanks Im sure she will notice quite quickly. Right now she thinks Im stressed out and keeps telling me Im over reacting when mad. I should have been verbablly pissed 2 yrs ago till present, about the decline in sex and intimacy and not be where I am now. In stead of trying to discuss it and bring it up all the time. Thats viewed as whinning.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



01coltcolt said:


> Got it. Thanks Im sure she will notice quite quickly. Right now she thinks Im stressed out and keeps telling me Im over reacting when mad. I should have been verbablly pissed 2 yrs ago till present, about the decline in sex and intimacy and not be where I am now. In stead of trying to discuss it and bring it up all the time. Thats viewed as whinning.


I said this to some guys having problems with their wives and sex lives coming through here.

I really think many of them find themselves in these situations because they allowed it.
If at the beginning they would have went a bit nuclear I think they could have nipped that problem in the bud before it got so bad.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



01coltcolt said:


> Got it. Thanks Im sure she will notice quite quickly. Right now she thinks Im stressed out and keeps telling me Im over reacting when mad. I should have been verbablly pissed 2 yrs ago till present, about the decline in sex and intimacy and not be where I am now. In stead of trying to discuss it and bring it up all the time. Thats viewed as whinning.


Your change shouldn't come through anger or turning up your ******* level. It should be about making calm and responsible decisions for yourself and your family. However somepeople prefer the one in charge to have the ******* level cranked up, so you have to guage for your situation.


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

Hey your on the right track. Funny it was Faithful Wife that pointed me to NMMNG a few years ago. By the way join the forum over there. The guys over there will give you the straight story. They won't play softball and will call you on your BS. But they have been there too. 

Read the book and do the breaking free exercises. How long does it take...Its not something that goes away it is something you have to be vigilant about. It is manageable. I still catch myself slipping back into unproductive behaviors sometimes. But that is OK because I can and will handle it... So will you.

Yes you have to lead you wife and family. No you don't have to be an A-hole about it but lead you must. Detach from outcomes and put your wants and needs first or at least express what you want and need and it becomes her choice to follow. I had to come the point where I knew I could live with out her if it came to that. I had to call her on her BS ad be OK when she loses her mind for a while. She is a women they do that. 

The book, forum and a lot of with hard work probably saved me and my marriage. It's not perfect but my wife and I are still together 27 years and 4 kids later. Just to let you know I understand where your coming from. I was 20 yrs USAF. Saw my time away from my wife and kids like you. I am now a DOD Civilian. Thank you for you service and sacrifices.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

Classic example of putting the ***** on a pedestal and getting nothing in return. You just need to alpha up, man up, and make her be the beta. Get your needs met.

Live alpha and prosper. V


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



01coltcolt said:


> Here is a simple example where I looked to my wife for leadership and did'nt relize it nor was it nesasary.
> 
> Her:"I'm hungry I havent eatin allday."
> Me: "Do you want to go somewhere?"
> ...


Here's a thought. After you realize that you've been going about things the wrong way, the last thing you want to do is overcompensate. If you've been a doormat for awhile and you vow to make changes, your second scenario that you laid out may get her pretty excited about the new you. However, if you keep doing that all the time, sooner or later it will wear thin and you'll be facing a new set of problems. Everything in balance. Let her have some say sometimes and you in turn take control sometimes. This will work better for you in the long run. I sense that you may try to overcompensate here. 

Here's how I would have handled this exchange with my wife: 

Her:"I'm hungry I havent eatin allday." 
Me: "What do you want to do for dinner?"
Her: "I don't know. Kinda tired."
Me: "I'll make you something."
Her: "No don't lets go somewhere."
Me: "Fine, where do you want to go?"
Her: "Anywhere is fine by me."
Me: "OK. Let's go to ABC."
Her: "OK, sounds like a plan.

*Variation if she comes back with trying to nix your idea after she told you to pick.*

Me: "OK. Let's go to ABC."
Her: "No, lets go to XYZ."
Me: "Oh, so you didn't want to go just anywhere after all. But I now have a real craving for the food at ABC. How do you propose we iron out our differences?" At this point, I would move in closer, holding her gaze and start caressing her.
Her: "What do you propose we do, Mr. __________ in order to get past our differences?" She would ask demurely...
Me: "Let's go to our negotiation room to resolve this." I would say in a husky voice, and I would then proceed to lead her to the bedroom by the hand and...you get the picture.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



01coltcolt said:


> How I will hadle in the future:
> Her:"I'm hungry I havent eatin all day."
> Me: "Okay get (My son's name) dressed lets go?"
> Her: "Are we taken my car."
> ...


YES THIS IS HOW YOU SHOULD ACT. Make all the decisions. Be the man and act like the man. Don't listen to plan 9 from OS. You're not overcompensating anything. Your wife will respect you more and love you for your increased confidence AND your marriage will improve.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



Adex said:


> YES THIS IS HOW YOU SHOULD ACT. Make all the decisions. Be the man and act like the man. Don't listen to plan 9 from OS. You're not overcompensating anything. Your wife will respect you more and love you for your increased confidence AND your marriage will improve.


I'm not saying be the doormat. But at the same time, he doesn't have to be the sole decision maker either. I'm not saying that there isn't a time or a place for him to take charge in his family - there sure are times when it's needed. But you don't have to be the final authority of everything and anything. I think this is a rather prime example of overcompensating that could simply result in the pendulum swinging the other way. I don't think you are reading everything the OP has been writing and putting it all together. Consider this quote from the OP:



> Bro, *I can do it. I have already started. I will not appoligize for anything even when Im wrong. I try to say "Well that didnt work out did it." Then walk away. I am already makeing important decisions without asking.* counsiling, I called and told her we where going. Im very capable. I kick [email protected]@ at work cause of my balenced leadership. I can do that at home now I know I have been wrong. I didnt know! I'm 39 this is some BS I'm finding this [email protected]@ out now WTH!


This could be taken out of context, but this is the entire quote that I took from one of his responses. The bold and underlined sections are - IMHO - going overboard. There is a difference between manning up and becoming an a$$hole. I hope the OP strikes that balance. That's all I'm saying.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

where is this NMMNG forum? As long as I have been here I seemed to have missed it.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

*Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



Stonewall said:


> where is this NMMNG forum? As long as I have been here I seemed to have missed it.


It's another forum run by nmmng author himself. It's only for men. Google it and you'll find it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group - Powered by vBulletin


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



Faithful Wife said:


> No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group - Powered by vBulletin


Thanks read the book but didnt know about th. forum.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*

Decisions: I try to be pragmatic about them I do not force a decision on matters I have no knowledge about. I make a decision based on logic if hers seems more logical I can defer. If not I will more or less insist on mine. I do not make any decisions on matters that I am not concerned about. Paint color I will offer an opinion express my like or no like if asked but in those cases I am not that interested.
Financial matters I work and contribute 65% to the household income. She pays the bills as she is better at it If I did we would have more in pocket, but she would have less for grandkids stuff which to her is a great source of happiness to both of us .Long term financial decisions I take greater interest in and more assertive on them
Sexual decisions are mutual I will not ask of her things she will not be comfortable with. I like Alpha Me most of the time but not always.
The Ideal is the balance. Be the nice guy when appropriate be strong and forcefull as needed the key is to know when to be what. You must never to appear weak and never to appear overbearing and uncooperative.

But must show you are more than willing to make a decision If you do your least going to have a 50% success rate if not you will be 100% wrong 100% of the time
There are times she knows I am not to be Fvcked with of things which I will never be the nice guy I made those boundaries very clear years ago and from time to time have had to re enforce them. I like doing that Keeps her on her toe’s Conversely she can and sometimes do the same I like that to makes me respect her more
Nice Guy or not that has worked for us for 35 years


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

*Re: Can and how long does it take to overcome the damage of being "The nice guy?"*



Faithful Wife said:


> Some questions I would ask to any self-proclaimed Nice Guy....
> 
> ...are you honestly in love with your wife? If you could have a guilt free affair, would you?
> 
> ...


THAT!!!! That's IT!!!!

This is what has had me so disgusted, at times and at other times just plain hurt when my H becomes incredibly passive. How can a person really care... and not given a sh!t?


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