# Sad and Lost



## harley (Apr 14, 2011)

My wife and I have been together for eleven years. We dated for two years and have been married for nine. We had a good relationship untill my last daughter was born. My wife had a hard labor and ended up having an emergency C-section. She basicly lost her sex drive after that. We ended up only having sex two or three times a month. I have always made sure my wife was satisfied and could not understand what the problem was. Even though I knew she was getting satisfied I still asked her if there was anything I could do to make our sex life better. She said that the sex was fantastic, but she just did not feel the desire to have sex. After about two years of this I had another serious conversation about sex with her agian, and got the same responses. This was frustrating because I have always tried to be a good husband, and I am a great father, her words. I do almost all of the cooking, I help around the house, I have always let her go out with her friends, and provided for our family. I guess I just kind of gave up after the last big conversation about sex. I just figured this is the way were going to live, and I did not want to get a divorce and not see my kids everyday. I quite showing her the same affection I had shown her before, and it ended up in the same arguements about every four months for the last two and a half years. I was just wore out. It is hard to give love if you are not getting it in return. She recently told me she wants a divorce and is not in love with me. She said there is no passion or romance in our marriage. I thought she was finally ready to go to marriage counseling and go to the doctor to find out what happened when she gave birth to our daughter. This was not the case. She refuses to go to counseling with me and says it is over. I am confused. I do not understand how there is supposed to be passion and romance with out a normal sex life. I have been trying to talk her out of the divorce for the last three weeks, and now she is moving out. I read some information on this site about agreeing with your spouse, giving them space, and showing her that you will move on with your life. I hope this shows her that she does love me and wants to work on our marriage. Maybe if she has a chance to miss me she will see that she has a husband who has stood by her and is willing to do what it takes to get our marriage back to the way it was when we were both happy. If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. Most of my friends have never been married and I do not know what to do anymore. I do not want to loose my family, but I am not willing to go back to living like I have been either. I just want to know what I have to do to get my wife to want to really work on our marriage.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

She wont consider counseling, perhaps you should for yourself, if nothing else it will help you.


----------



## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I think you should go to counseling regardless if she is willing to go or not, it will help you deal with things and you'll start to feel better.
As a woman, I totally get the no romance and passion in a marriage but you are right, it's hard to have those if you aren't having sex. They go hand in hand. It sounds like you are caught up in a vicious cyle of blame.

From this point forward, you can only worry about yourself and your children, and just keep trying to focus on that. Maybe she just needs time. I would hope after 11 years together she would want to do everything possible to save her marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## harley (Apr 14, 2011)

I am starting to hear from different people that know us that she is selfish and unwilling to try and change. I am starting to see it. I told her when the divorce conversation started a couple months ago that I did not want to live like this either. I am going to start living my life. If she starts to miss me and realizes she needs to make changes too then I hope we can work through this. If she is not willing to make changes too then I will never be happy and in turn will never be able to keep her happy. I think you are right, I need to start focussing on me and my children. Thanks, sometimes you have to hear the same thing from numerous people before you realize it is the right thing to do.


----------

