# Trouble in Tulsa, OK



## Kenshin (Feb 25, 2013)

Hello,

First post. 

My wife and I are both 33. We have dated for about 3 years. And then got married recently. And I am already thinking about leaving her.

I am not a very empathetic person. And i don't need to be around anybody and I am perfectly ok with that. I often find myself thinking about how happy I would be to be single again.

The problems I have with my wife are...

1. I am bored with the stories she tells. She talks about work or whatever and I really don't want to listen. 

2. She needs to be around me more than I want to be around her.

3. She gets pissed at me over insignificant things or perceived problems. We don't have the same scale for what is a big problem and what is a laughable offense. And I get angry at her for being mad at me.

4. She seems depressed all the time. I am afraid to talk to her for fear of inciting an other crying fest. I don't like being in the role of emotional support or some type of psychologist. I don't know what to do.

5. Recently she has decided that she wants kids. I don't want kids. And from what I have read, if we don't have kids and I am the one who prevented her from missing her opportunity to have kids, then she will eventually resent me for it. Couple this with the issues from number 3 and 4, then we could have a huge problem in the future.

6. She feels unfulfilled. She feels like there is something greater in life that she isn't a part of (kids mainly). I don't feel that way at all. I am happy with my day to day life. I just want to live happily. I don't want extra stress in my life. If there is a source of stress or problems in my life, my immediate thought is to discard the source.

I don't know what to do. I want to leave her. But I don't want her to spiral into depression further.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did these things just magically become issues when you got married? Did you talk about the kid situation before getting married?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kenshin (Feb 25, 2013)

We did talk about kids prior to marriage. I always maintained that I didn't feel a desire to have kids. But she was always on the fence. I don't resent her for changing her mind or even making her mind up finally.

As for the other things, they slowly crept up. We started off as a long distance relationship. The time we spent together wasn't enough. So I took a traveling salesman job and moved in with her. I was on the road a lot, and the time wasn't enough. So then I got a new job where I can work pretty much 8-5. But work being work, traffic... sometimes I don't get home until 7, 8 or 9 at night. The time was not enough. So I thought getting married might cure some of these issues.

It hasn't, and now we have more holes to fill in her heart. Kids. And when that doesn't fill the hole what is next? Religion?

And thanks for reading (PBear) and all responses are welcome.


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## Kenshin (Feb 25, 2013)

I appreciate the messages. Anybody else have any advice?


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

I'm with coffee here. Sometimes the space between you is worth less than the effort it would take to bridge it. For this to work, someone (or both) has to make a sacrifice - either you decide to have kids or she decides not to. Based on your "pre-kid" feelings however, I'd say cut your losses, have an honest conversation with the wife, then walk away.


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