# Daughter from a previous marriage and my current husband! Help!!!



## juju21975 (Aug 12, 2011)

Hi. I have read several posts that are similar to my problem but there are some huge differences also. So any advice, suggestions, help would be greatly appreciated. Well here it goes.
This is my third marriage. We have been together for 6 yrs and married for 4. I have two daughters, one from each of my previous marriages. One is 16 (she is with her dad) and the other is 18 in a month with a 6 month old son. My oldest daughter is very hard headed and very hard to get along with sometimes. Mainly when she has authority that she has to listen to. She has always been like this. I don't mean the normal teen I don't have to listen to you stuff, I mean drastic. She has taken me to court twice to give custody to my ex mother in law. She has walked out on me and left me a total of three times. All within the last 7 years. I wasn't the best mom for some of this time but neither of them were ever abused or neglected. My oldest just can not and will not be told no. She will do whatever it takes to make it her way. I know I sound like I am putting her down but I want to whole picture out here. When my current husband and I married she was a little distant but tried. My life and parenting skills totally changed when I married him. I grew up and learned responsiblity. I worked and succeed toward a career and college education. She does not like the person I have become. Because I have more rules and want a more stable homelife. 
The first time she left it was very ugly, but moved back in after two yrs. Second time wasn't so ugly but she came back after about a yr. She at that point had a 3 month old baby. We would go months without speaking then she would come around and want something to do with me again. I (we) always welcomed her back. With rules and guidlines. Well this time, my husband and I have been fighting since she has been there (3months) because I am so scared of loosing her again, I didn't make her do anything that she didn't want to do. In fact I lost sight that I even had a husband. My evenings were consumed with her and my grandson. I rarely even talked to my husband. I was on cloud 9 because I had my hubby, lil girl and grandson all under the same roof. This past weekend my husband and I finally just blew up at each other. I ended up leaving. She went with me of course. We talked about getting a place together. Come Tuesday, I was really missing my husband. We talked and agreed to work on our problems and the problems with the girls and try to make it work. (his 19 yr old daughter also lives with us while going to college). The minute that my daughter found out that we wanted to work on our marriage she was furious. Wanted nothing to do with it. My husband and I sat down and came up with a page of house rules for both of our kids to follow. Nothing hard at all. clean up after yourself, if baby is extrememly fussy - take him to room or walk him or something to calm him down, 1-2 weekends a month would be my husband and my alone time. (both girls have family and friends that they already go to about two weekends a month so this was already happening). Just some basic respect our home rules. Well she isn't having it. She is moving out again with her son. She will not work with us on the rules at all. Says she is not 13 and will not be treated like it. I agree but she doesn't work or go to college and pretty much just does what she wants all the time. This was a problem between my husband and I, we told both girls when they moved in that they would either work or school. There is not much love between my daughter and husband but they were doing ok. What do I do now. Do I try to make a marriage work with a man that I love and that has never left my side or walked out on me or do I give in to my daughter and go with her? Please help.


----------



## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Boundaries by McCloud. Read it.


----------

