# He will have a baby with me, but now I am scared and unsure! Moms, talk to me!



## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

IDK some of you may remember, I finally found a most wonderful man who seems to be more in love with me every day! I am still getting used to this real love from a man lol. Up until recently I wanted nothing more than to be a mommy, but now that its a real possibility (we aren't trying now, but I know if I wanted to start trying in the next 6 months or so, we could), and all of a sudden I just feel fear and uncertain if I really want to carry and birth a baby, and be a mommy. Is this normal? I still have the pangs, but its not like it was when it wasnt an actual possibility. I Have had 2 friends announce pregnancies recently and I was NOT filled with extreme envy like normal! I am hoping that because right now is one of the most stressful times in my life (we are setting up a homestead together on some bare land) and I am hoping that once we are settled in, the extreme urge and sureness, will come back. Is it normal to have so much fear about parenthood? Does it mean I am really not cut out for it? I nurture and care for critters ALL day long for my job, so its not like I don't love doting on and caring for things like I normally do.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Is this the same guy that doesn't like your mom? If so, why did he change his mind about kids? Did you figure out your living situation?


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Its more that my mom and him just don't get along, but they have more recently. My sisters boyfriend is the one who is the bad guy now, hes not really a bad guy, hes just the one on my moms snit list right now, because my sister intends to keep living out of state to be with him. So with her anger at my sisters boyfriend, that makes her less hostile to my man. He bought a trailer and moved out to my land to get the work done, I still have to manage my moms farm and all of my animals are still here, so I am back and forth but him and his friends have been doing a ton of work, and we are super close to getting a permit to get a real house! He loves me, and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, last he knew being a mommy was something I desperately wanted. I have not voiced my fears to him, because I feel like we have swapped places in a sense, just both on a milder scale. Now he is all used to the idea of having a baby with me, and I am all freaked out by it LOL. I am really hoping that once there is a house and I am all settle in one place and not stretched so thin, I will really want to be a mommy again.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

How do you envision your future ? How old are you right now? I can only speak from the perspective.. I have always wanted a family.. and would have mourned this deeply / gravely had I not had children of my own....

But it's important to be responsible, some "nesting" going on ... so you can be home with a baby & afford it, if need be ... having health insurance to cover expenses... a stable home to raise him or her... 

Sounds you are gathering all of this.. and maybe this fear is related to what is up in the air right now.. so once you & he are nested / settled.. you will find you embrace Being a new Mom more so.. nothing wrong with that..


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Please do not have a baby unless you feel confident in the idea. The saying "a baby changes everything" is so true, so you really need to be sure of what you want and as prepared as you can be. If you are the least bit unsure, then wait. There is no rush.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Thats the thing, I have ALWAYS pictured myself as a mom in life, like since FOREVER, its the one thing I knew I needed to do and be. I am 34, so I do feel a bit of pressure about it now, it was always like "I have time, no worries, I can deal with the constant urges, and jealousy of my friends" and so on. So I am hoping that like you said SA, that since basically my life and all my stability is out the window right now, that is why I am all of a sudden feeling uncertainty.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Omg, playing russian roulette last night! I couldnt believe it when he busted in me. My first response was "Ok heading to the pharmacy first thing in the AM" I could have misread it, but I think he had a little bit of a surprised look on his face! Then I said something about just taking the risk and he was like "NO, we are not ready yet" The timing is some days past when I should have ovulated, so there really isn't a risk, but I did not go to the pharmacy even though in this situation I normally would! I told him last year I will not take the morning after pill again. He knows I didnt go and it hasn't been brought up again.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
DO NOT RUSH THIS.
Having a child is the most important and irreversible decision that you will ever make. Don't do it unless you are absolutely sure. 

For some couples a child is a source of lifelong joy, but for others it is a source of lifelong misery. 

Be honest with yourself about what your life will be like with a child and see if that is the life you want.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

In your immediate future is getting a permit, building a house(!), taking care of your mom's stuff, and you're not even married or together for that long?

Of course you should not get pregnant right now. It's the most stressful thing you can do to a relationship and to have all that other stuff piled on? Your relationship would almost surely never survive all that stuff.

Are you in regular therapy?


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

Don't have a baby before he puts a ring on it.


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