# Am I overreacting?



## JW2014 (Aug 7, 2014)

Hello everyone. My wife and I have been together for 15 years and married for 13 of those years. We have three children, ages 13, 6, and 4 months. I received an email from my cell phone provider regarding the number of texts and data that we used for the month. I looked at the amount of texts and was staggered by the number to one particular number. I asked my wife who is this person and she said a co-worker. There were literally 30-40 texts daily to and from this guy. Curiosity was killing me and one night while my wife was showering, I took the phone and began scrolling through it. A few of the messages said "Be careful driving. You're so special to me. Love you." "You are one of a kind. Your wife is crazy. I would do anything to have a man like you." and "You have to decide what you really want. Same for me and my hubby. I have to decide what I really want for the rest of my life."

Should I be concerned? She swears they are only friends but I don't buy it. This is at minimum an emotional affair, maybe more. I have pleaded with her to stop and she refuses. I took her phone (which I pay for) and told her that I was no longer financing this. She said, "if you take the phone, I will go out and buy a new one." I don't want to be without my kids but I feel like this is eating me alive. I am afraid that she will try and take my kids! Can someone please help me?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Yes you should be concerned.
Here is what you do now find out if this coworker is married or has a gf.
You have to contact them NOW!
Do NOT tell your wife you are doing this just do it and stick to the facts.
Is she leaving early or coming home late?
If so then most likely it has gone pa.
No more talking to her about it and observe.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

I would also want a paternity test on the 4 month old as it could be his


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Sounds like she is having a EA with this person. I would be concerned. I would start looking into more about it and not telling her until you figure out just how far it has gone. Those messages lead me to. I would call the cell phone provider and see if you can look up a history on her cell usage. I would also check her email if you can do that. 

Sadly its probably going to get worse before it gets better. Your going to have to figure out what you want out of this. 

I am sorry you are going through this. 

Clay


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Mr Useless said:


> I would also want a paternity test on the 4 month old as it could be his


:iagree:
Sadly this could be true.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

When you expose to his wife then expose to close family both sides and friends.
The best way to end an affair is to expose it.
If you expose to his w he will be too busy trying to save his m and will drop her.


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## JW2014 (Aug 7, 2014)

Mr Useless said:


> I would also want a paternity test on the 4 month old as it could be his


This baby looks exactly like me. I am more than confident that I am his father.


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## JW2014 (Aug 7, 2014)

tom67 said:


> Yes you should be concerned.
> Here is what you do now find out if this coworker is married or has a gf.
> You have to contact them NOW!
> Do NOT tell your wife you are doing this just do it and stick to the facts.
> ...


The guy is married but is "going through a divorce." That is one more thing they will have in common.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

JW2014 said:


> The guy is married but is "going through a divorce." That is one more thing they will have in common.


You know cheaters lie.
Find a way to contact her then you will find out the truth.
She may not know of any of this.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Is cheating a deal breaker for you? If she is have a affair are you wanting to save your marriage or just move on?

Clay


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## JW2014 (Aug 7, 2014)

Hi Clay. I think I could forgive her but I doubt I can trust her. I don't deserve this treatment. I asked her to pick him or me. I guess she picked "both", and that's not an option.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Your probably going to have to draw a line. For me its not about giving her control its about you taking control back of your life. I would tell her she needs to quit her job she needs to give you all the information about this other man. A no contact letter needs to be sent and if she fails to to any of that then you know her answer. Do not allow her to sway on any of it. If you do she will drag it out like all other cheaters do. I think once you lay it out to her you will know your answer. If she hesitates then she already made her decision. Its him. If it was for you these things are not unreasonable to do. I know this might sound extreme but just ask all the other people that have gone threw this. They wished they would have taken control themselves but instead hoped it would get better and suffered for months and in some cases years. 
Only to end up single anyhow. 

Just my two cents. 

Clay


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

JW2014 said:


> This baby looks exactly like me. I am more than confident that I am his father.


That's not the point. It's the message it gives your W. Along with exposure and the works. Go dark and say nothing until you collect enough evidence. evidence. Read up in Coping With Infidelity for how tos of surveillance.

VAR in car, cellphone msg recovery, emails sent and deleted. Fin my iPhone.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Move this to the CWI forum. You will get loads of help there.


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

You're not overreacting.

My ex-wife had an emotional affair and I was going to forgive her. 
I'm glad she never gave me the opportunity because I deserve better -- pretty much anyone who never cheats deserves the same. 

The hardest part is the lies they make to say its NOT an affair .. when its so obvious it is (the dividing line is saying stuff like 'You're so much better than my spouse' etc). Or the next step will be that. Heck, this is exactly what happened with my ex. First its idle *****ing about the spouse (which we all do, heck, I do too). Then its a supportive 'friend' saying yeah, he's an ass. Then they talk more and then you're suddenly like 'hey, this guy really understands me more than my jack ass husband'. 

LOL I guess I'm a bit bitter. But I also know that this happens every day and since I'm on these forums myself all the time I also guard myself into falling into this trap (the grass is always greener with someone new!) 

Anyway, tread cautiously. Maybe you can take her EA so far but the point of no return should be very close for both of you - either for her to go too far in EA or even to PA, or for you to set limits and say I'm not going to take this infidelity anymore.


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

Definitely not overreacting. My main concern is that she is refusing to end the communication with the other guy and expecting you to be ok with it.. does she think you are a push-over? Does she think it is ok to have a husband and a lover?? Well in some relationships, I guess people are open to things like that.. but if you don’t want an open relationship/marriage.. then show her the door. An affair can be forgiven but an affair without remorse, like you wife is showing, EA or PA, will most likely happen again!!


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