# Why can't I move on



## Flowers1933 (Jul 25, 2019)

I kicked my husband out back in September because he was being very distant and just acting different. on numerous occasions I asked about what's going on and he said nothing. But things did not get better. We been married 25 years. My daughter said to me I noticed dad is different and I didn't realize he drank a lot. He was the type that would come home say hi to us and go back in the kitchen drink his beers lift his weights and then cook himself dinner 10:00 at night. He never ate it's me and my daughter and he never watched TV with us. I told him to come back home so we could work on our marriage. He came back home but said he still wanted to be separated. 

He lived here for 3 months and he was miserable. He pretty much neglected me and my daughter. his father was sick at the time and I would try to talk to him about his father and look at me with a nasty look and say I don't want yourt support or your pity. My daughter heard him and was upset. One night he was so angry at me He called me a psycho b**** and the c word. Now my husband never talks like that so I don't know what was going on with him. Me and my daughter on numerous occasions told him to move back in with his mother till he could figure out what he wanted.

He refused to leave saying why should I go live in my mother's bedroom when you guys have the whole house to yourself. My daughter cried one night and begged him to go back to his mother's and he said if you don't like it you can go live with your aunt. He finally did end up moving out and my daughter has not had a relationship with him in 3 months. He does tried to text her but she refuses to talk to him. She wants him to say sorry for the way he was acting and for not taking her feelings into consideration. 

She went from A's and B's to c's and D's when he was here. He just continues to tell her you just exaggerate and I never did any of those things. You're exaggerating and I never neglected you. I've told him on numerous occasions that all she wants is a apology and for him to admit what he did was wrong to us. Now three months later he still hasn't apologized or said what he did was wrong. Should I be trying to get them back together? And why the heck can't I move on. I still feel like I would want to reconcile and I know I would be so much better off without him. In the last five months my husband has left, my sister committed suicide, I lost my job, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, been my niece died.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Flowers1933 said:


> Now three months later he still hasn't apologized or said what he did was wrong. Should I be trying to get them back together?


How old is your daughter?

Their relationship is their responsibility. Stay out of it.

Expecting a person to apologize like your daughter is is sort of like chanting "UNCLE" while she has her eyes closed and her hands over her ears. Her father is probably embarrassed (or was he drunk and he forget) about his bad behavior. One of them has to act like an adult and move beyond this. It's a good lesson for your daughter to learn. If seh backs off on demanding an apology, he will most likely admit that he was acting like a **** and tell her that he's sorry.

Also, get your daughter out of this fight between you and your husband. Your marriage is not her business.



Flowers1933 said:


> And why the heck can't I move on. I still feel like I would want to reconcile and I know I would be so much better off without him.


You cannot move on because you have not done anything to move on.

What have you done to build a new life without him? What support groups of friends and family have you built? Are you working out? Are you engaging in social activities?

Look at the 180 that I'm attaching. This is how you should be interacting with you husband. Do this until one of two things happens: 1) he agrees to move back, go to counseling, stop drinking, and act like a loving husband or 2) you fall out of love with him and don't care. If you get to #2, file for divorce. You are done.



Flowers1933 said:


> In the last five months my husband has left, my sister committed suicide, I lost my job, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, been my niece died.


I am sorry to hear that all these terrible things have gone on in your life in the last few months. Of course you are devastated. But you need to pull yourself out of this.

For those who have died, do you think they would want you to be in this bad state for their passing? Or would they want to see you living life to it's fullest. Doing that is the best way you could honor them. Why not take some time and write up letters to each of them, telling them how much you love them and talk about the wonderful things that they gave to you. Then celebrate their lives.. maybe you and your daughter could read what you wrote, have a good cry. Then get on with living your lives to the fullest.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Does he have mental health issues? He lifts weights, does he use steroids or steroidal supplements?

There's something wrong with him. Has he seen a doctor?


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## Flowers1933 (Jul 25, 2019)

Hi 
Matt. He does lift and takes supplements. I wondered about steroids because his personality changed and he got bigger and he is 56. Also acne on his back.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

How are things Flowers?


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## Flowers1933 (Jul 25, 2019)

Same ole same ole. Nothing new or good


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Flowers1933 said:


> Hi
> Matt. He does lift and takes supplements. I wondered about steroids because his personality changed and he got bigger and he is 56. Also acne on his back.


Supplements. These can include steroidals (natural or not) and I think this needs to be examined.


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