# To be friends or not to be friends



## yournotlost (Dec 13, 2010)

"He might be a great person but he was also an a*****e husband who did you wrong. At some point the scale has to be tipped to one or the other and your divorced now so a*****e is heavier"

And that may very well be true but I maintain...in the thick of it all no one knows what to do, no one knows how to feel, how to deal...
My first and only marriage, I feel like I really gave it a good go.

We are human, we did sh***y things...probably still continue to do sh***y things.

In the end...

Its a amazing that 2 people who have been around each other long enough, decide, against all the odds and forces in this small universe, that in spite of all that, decide to commit to each other.

Two strangers DECIDE to become family, decide to be devoted, decide to commit the patience needed, the insanity needed and the effort needed to be..._*married*_.

I don't take it lightly, I was serious about my decision when I agreed to be married. 


almost 2 out of 7 years was a hot mess. I had to have standards, I had to have a limit...

still seven damn years. 

It HAS to matter, it HAS to be something. 
If i'm not friends with him...then it was all for nothing??
I wasn't stupid back then, i'm not stupid now. I saw a decent human being, complete with character flaws and cluelessness, just like me or you. 


And anyway, its my feelings that feel the effect. 
Course you care about me, but you can't feel this for me, you can't live it for me, you can't make it go away. 

I loved him once and yes, love is irrelevant. 

I'm happy, I'm busy, I'm silly, I'm free, I'm disappointed and i'm allowed to care for him.


:toast:YouTube - The Frames - Disappointed

Cheers.


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## mariem1967 (Dec 1, 2010)

If you're asking to be friends with your ex or not my answer would be that no one can give you better answer that you yourself. Only you know what you've passed in this 7 years and as you said only you know your feelings towards him. 
Talking in general, i don't think that friendships can work. You can never look at your ex as a friend but only as an ex. And the fact that he is ex talks for itself. Ex = forget it.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Really hard question to answer, if a friendship developes on its own then let it but if you think you need to "make" a friendship with your ex why bother? Don't look at the last seven years as a waste, look at it as a stage in your life. Family, friends, even pets come and go in our lives so an ex spouse is no different, just another page or two of our story.


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## sbbs (Sep 21, 2009)

Well, did your ex treat you the way you'd want a friend to treat you?

If so, then maybe you can be friends with your ex. If not, then, probably not. As mariem points out, you're the only person who can really answer that question for yourself.

It might be kind of a pity if you can't be friends with your ex, but, then again, it's a pity that you and/or the other person acted in ways that made you want to separate in the first place.

Whether or not you stay friends with your ex, you'll be fine.


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