# Am I going coo-coo?



## concerned gal (Sep 14, 2011)

Hello everyone - I'm new to this forum. It seems like a great place of support so happy I have found it. I have a question regarding cheating. If I'm being paranoid. My boyfriend of 3 years has show possible signs of cheating. I found an email once between him and a woman that was pretty inappropriate. It pretty much confirmed that they had a secret friendship that I did not know about. Anyway, I've been paying lots of attention to everything he's done the last few months. Well, last night while doing laundry I smelled a new "scent". It wasn't my perfume and I noticed that it came from his underwear. None of the other clothes he wore yesterday had that scent (his shirt, tank top) but his boxers had a very faint scent of perfume in a small area. 

Is this a sign of something bad? I'm really trying to stay rational and if he were doing something then why wouldn't all of his clothes that he wore yesterday smell of this perfume? Only a small portion of his front boxers. 

Please believe that I'm not an underwear sniffer, lol. I just noticed it and got down to where it was coming from. I actually can't believe that I had to stoop to that level.

Can any of you give me advice because I've been suspicious ever since the email and now this? 

Any insight you have would be so appreciated. I feel like I'm going a bit coo-coo over here.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

How long ago was this email you found? Can you share some things that were in the email?

Anyway, you're not "coo-coo" and I think you are aware of some red flags going on here. IMO if you really want to know for sure, do not say anything to your b/f about the things you have noticed, chances are he will just get better at hiding it.

I'm not saying for sure anything is going on, but an inappropriate email between a "friend" you knew nothing about and perfume on his boxers, says to me its pretty clear something is up.


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## concerned gal (Sep 14, 2011)

The email was from 3 months ago. She was saying how she isn't messed up over him like she was before, etc. etc. I confronted him and he said that she just had a crush on him. He was just her friend.

I'm wondering why the smell would only be in the crotch area of his boxers and nowhere else on his clothes? Doesn't that seem odd?


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

concerned gal said:


> Hello everyone - I'm new to this forum. It seems like a great place of support so happy I have found it. I have a question regarding cheating. If I'm being paranoid. My boyfriend of 3 years has show possible signs of cheating. I found an email once between him and a woman that was pretty inappropriate. It pretty much confirmed that they had a secret friendship that I did not know about. Anyway, I've been paying lots of attention to everything he's done the last few months. Well, last night while doing laundry I smelled a new "scent". It wasn't my perfume and I noticed that it came from his underwear. None of the other clothes he wore yesterday had that scent (his shirt, tank top) but his boxers had a very faint scent of perfume in a small area.
> 
> Is this a sign of something bad? I'm really trying to stay rational and if he were doing something then why wouldn't all of his clothes that he wore yesterday smell of this perfume? Only a small portion of his front boxers.
> 
> ...


Um......

You cant tell much from a scent at a mans crotch area. We tend to scratch and anything could be on our hands when we do. Here are two examples just off the top of my head that I actually did last week that could have caused a similar issue. 

In my office, our receptionist keeps a bottle of some sort of lotion scented hand sanitizer. I use it occasionally because I touch other peoples keyboards. Being a guy, I tend to scratch myself. Result Perfume scented crotch.

Another day I went to the mens room and took a leak at the urinal, zipped my fly and washed my hands. Looked into the mirror and realized my shirt was a mess from shifting it around at the urinal. I unbutton my fly and re-tuck the front of my shirt. Result the perfumed soap smell from my wet hands transfers over.

Look, this isn't saying that he is innocent. I'm saying there has to be more evidence before you start jumping to conclusions.

Were a good group. Make a list of all the red flags that you have found so far and maybe we can help you better.


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## concerned gal (Sep 14, 2011)

rikithemonk - thank you. It's nice to hear a males perspective. It really didn't smell like hand lotion or scented soap though. It so smelled like perfume. One of the girls in my office just walked by and her perfume reminded me of the smell just now. 

Does that make a difference? If it's perfume for sure? Like how would that transfer to his crotch?

Gosh I feel like this is so bizarre.

I have caught him in the past. Once with an ex girlfriend at his place where he was supossed to be out with is friends. He said nothing happened and he didn't touch her. He didn't cheat. She knows he's mine and they just hung out and talked.

I kind of let that go and have taken a step back since to see what has been happening and now this...


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

concerned gal said:


> rikithemonk - thank you. It's nice to hear a males perspective. It really didn't smell like hand lotion or scented soap though. It so smelled like perfume. One of the girls in my office just walked by and her perfume reminded me of the smell just now.
> 
> Does that make a difference? If it's perfume for sure? Like how would that transfer to his crotch?
> 
> ...


My suggestion is to give him rope and see what he does with it. If he is up to no good, you will soon know. Be quiet and start watching. If he is doing things, there will be signs. If he isn't, things will be quiet.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I think he is showing you who he is, its up to you if choose to believe him.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

This sounds eerily similar to another poster's story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Just Dave (Sep 13, 2011)

So, you and your boyfriend have been dating for 3 years and you're doing his laundry for him. When I was dating it meant that we were going to movies, dinner and playing games together. We each did our own laundry. Laundry was reserved for a greater commitment - marriage.

When you say you're dating someone today, doesn't that just mean that you're having sex with someone on a regular basis? And if you're having sex with someone and you're not married to him/her then what's the end goal? What's left for marriage other than the tax benefit?

If women are having sex with their boyfriends, what more exactly do they expect to get from him, over and above what they're currently getting? As a woman, what more do you have to bring to the table in exchange for his hand in marriage? A dowry? He's already getting your milk and cookies, so...what?

Are you coo-coo? Yes, for giving him the gift of your body without first getting him to marry you. Assuming of course, you're giving him sex.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Just Dave said:


> So, you and your boyfriend have been dating for 3 years and you're doing his laundry for him. When I was dating it meant that we were going to movies, dinner and playing games together. We each did our own laundry. Laundry was reserved for a greater commitment - marriage.
> 
> When you say you're dating someone today, doesn't that just mean that you're having sex with someone on a regular basis? And if you're having sex with someone and you're not married to him/her then what's the end goal? What's left for marriage other than the tax benefit?
> 
> ...


I lived with the wife before we got married. Personally I think its an extremely good idea. People have habits that just aren't compatible. Its good to see if you two are compatible for long term cohabitation before locking into a commitment only to find out later you cant live the way the other prefers to live. You really do learn a lot about a person by living together. 

As for sex. Read this forum. For something so silly, sex is in the top three serious "make it" or "break it" issues. (Money, Sex, Anger/Apathy) No matter how much you love someone, if they aren't sexually compatible, its a major, major problem.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Don't be stupid like the rest of us.... we are telling you like it is... he is on a slippery slope .... open your eyes... the warning signs are there...you just dont see them yet!


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## concerned gal (Sep 14, 2011)

Hello there - I'm back. I decided to take a step back and scope things out and have just been watching. Well, yesterday I noticed that his shirt smelled of perfume. It was only the collar, right shoulder and right back area. I noticed it a bit on his actual neck as well. I thought maybe it was our body wash because it smells like the scent on him/his shirt but if that's the case why in only one small spot? I don't think body was lingers all day like that and on your clothes? The smell was nowhere else on him. If he were being intimate with someone wouldn't the smell be all over him and his shirt. I'm just trying to make sense of it all. 

I'm wondering if I really am just being too paranoid. Can some of you please give me advice on how to handle this? Before I confront him?

He's also been distant but then again we got into a huge argument last week in where I kicked him out so that could be it.

These smells though? Located in one area? Please help cause I feel like I'm losing my mind. 

Thanks everyone!


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

concerned gal said:


> Hello there - I'm back. I decided to take a step back and scope things out and have just been watching. Well, yesterday I noticed that his shirt smelled of perfume. It was only the collar, right shoulder and right back area. I noticed it a bit on his actual neck as well. I thought maybe it was our body wash because it smells like the scent on him/his shirt but if that's the case why in only one small spot? I don't think body was lingers all day like that and on your clothes? The smell was nowhere else on him. If he were being intimate with someone wouldn't the smell be all over him and his shirt. I'm just trying to make sense of it all.
> 
> I'm wondering if I really am just being too paranoid. Can some of you please give me advice on how to handle this? Before I confront him?
> 
> ...


Stop worrying about smells. Your gut is telling you something is wrong. You can do a couple of things. Have a talk with him or snoop. I suggest you snoop. He's a proven cheater. Also, Can you tell me why you are wasting time on a guy that you've caught cheating twice? Do you think this will get better once you add kids, careers, health issues, mortgages into the mix. Time to cut bait.


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