# Emotional or physical affair



## lonely one (Sep 3, 2012)

Which do you think is worse? Your spouse having a physical affair or having an emotional affair? For me, I think the emotional is worse. I am female and I think my husband sleeping with someone else isn't as bonding to him as being able to talk to someone else about his feelings and his life.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

In a PA, it may very well have been just a one-night-stand, a heat-of -the-moment lapse in judgment or even a simple drunken mistake. Those are bad enough.

But in an EA, a relationship has formed, strong feelings have developed and the betrayed partner is going to get "edged out" of the wayward partner's mind and esteem. With that comes the resentment and outright hatred of the betrayed partner, the re-writing of marital history, and it is like a drug user who has gotten addicted: it will take a long time and effort to get them out of an EA.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Statistically: Women generally think the emotional is worse; men generally think the physical one is.

I think emotional is worse. I think emotional + physical is a molotov ****tail. It doesn't get any worse than that.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't think it matters. Almost every person who gets cheated on says it was the worst thing that ever happened to them, whether it was an EA or PA or both. It's impossible to compare one persons depth of hurt with anothers and say one is 'worse' or 'better', because that invalidates the 'better' one, which is a pretty insulting thing to do.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

would you rather die by drowning or fire?


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Shot or stabbed?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> would you rather die by drowning or fire?


Pretty much


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Does it really matter? An EA is basically the warmup for the PA.


----------



## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

From my perspective, it is far more disturbing thinking of a guy making a beast with two backs with my wife than it is to think of my wife stepping over the verbal line and sending romantic texts.

I am pretty sure other guys will agree with me. We're physical, graphic beings. Women are emotional beings, so to them I'm sure it's possible for an EA to be worse than a PA.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

PA -- absolute dealbreaker. No coming back.

EA -- depends.


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Depends on the nature of EA - I didn't even know they existed and I think they are probably easy to fall into if you're not versed up

No way would I be able to forgive a PA, no way


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> Depends on the nature of EA - I didn't even know they existed and I think they are probably easy to fall into if you're not versed up
> 
> No way would I be able to forgive a PA, no way


:iagree:

To me, there are different levels of intensity of an EA.
Of course it would hurt, but I believe I can work through it.

But I cannot put myself through any " we only kissed " or
" it was just oral."
I don't want to hear ANY details , just get of my life.


----------



## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

The EAs were very painful...it made me question everything about me...even my worth in the eyes of my Creator.

But I kept trying to work with the EAs.

The PA was the nail in the coffin. I could not get over the PA. 

I guess I'm an oddity as a woman, but the PA was worse to me. But by measures...it was all a hell.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

TAM was first I heard of EA so definitely PA. To this day I don't know what cross the line and make it EA. 

I don't know how I would get past thinking about him sticking it in someone else.


----------



## SweetAltina (May 30, 2013)

An emotional affair would be harder for me to deal with. I could deal with my husband choosing to scratch an itch. I'd have a harder time dealing with it if my husband was emotionally connected to someone else.

I'd have the hardest time with a relationship that was both though. If he sleeps with her and loves her I'd be gone.


----------



## RealMess (May 27, 2013)

When I look back on all the sordid details of my husbands affair I would say the physical side has stayed with me longer but the emotional side hurt the most but was easier to move on from once I knew it was finally over.

That said, it's what it does to your self esteem and confidence when they have an EA. Forgiving them is do-able but getting your confidence back (while you remain with that person) I am finding impossible.


----------



## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

They're both horrific, but for me it would be a PA. If my husband ever has sex with anyone else even one time during our marriage, I am gone. I respect others who go through reconciliation, but I would hate him so much I don't think I could do it.


----------



## RealMess (May 27, 2013)

Laila619 said:


> If my husband ever has sex with anyone else even one time during our marriage, I am gone.


I wonder how many of us said (and meant) that before it happened to us? I know I did


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

My wife and I have talked about this.

For me? Physical, physical, physical. All the way, straight down the line. It is very much within my present powers of comprehension to imagine being able to move beyond an EA. But not a PA. Can't say with 100% certainty that I couldn't find a way to R, but as it stands everything inside of me screams "OH HELL NO".

For my wife? She says that she'd be more crushed to discover that I fell for another women emotionally. Of course a PA would devastate her, but if it was just some side p*ssy than she might be able to recover. She'd be flattened by an EA, particularly since so much of our history is steeped in a strong, singular romantic-emotional bond.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> would you rather die by drowning or fire?


Drowning actually. It's rather quick.

Death by fire, depending on a lot of factors, can take longer and is likely vastly more painful.


----------

