# Stress induced panic attack



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

Looking for a larger range of opinions here and I think many can relate...

For those that don't know my story: she cheated, my mother-in-law is old and a pain in the butt to the extent I wish she would 'move on'. We moved out of our old place, into a new place, in the country side a bit. Fresher air, nicer area, more green, a bigger place at the same price.

Then yesterday, my mother in law decided to wet her bed. Not her fault. However, she also has been sleeping in her bed with her head on the edge of the right side and her feet towards the other...she's curled up. We asked her 'why' on several occasions. She gave no reason and said "I won't do it again." Well, she did it again and because of the way she was laying down she wet the one part of the bed that was unprotected from the pee. My wife (I wasn't home yet) was upset. My MIL does many things the wrong way that cause mini-explosions of emotions. Unfortunately, last night my wife fell to the ground in tears. I did my best, when I came home, to remove my MIL from the situation and have my wife watch some TV or do something for herself. I sat with her to talk, if that is what she wanted, to let out some of her feelings.

She brought me RIGHT back to how I was feeling in June, a few weeks after D-Day. "I'm lost again." She says. I can't see beyond tomorrow, why am I alive...

She also went on to say that her period was late, PMS could be some of what is causing things to go a bit nuts, a bad day at work etc. STILL...I listened, and I gave her no reason to get angry with me, I didn't force her to 'feel' one way or the other. We didn't exactly go to bed on the way we have been for the last couple months. She went first, I needed a few moments to myself.

Now, we come to today...we figured out why my MIL was sleeping the way she was. I won't bore you with the details. Needless to say, her reason for doing it was now not an issue. When I woke her up this morning to eat, she was fussy. When I woke her up for lunch, she was getting pissy with me (As she has been for the last couple of weeks). I've been getting angrier a little bit sooner than I normally would. Then, at one point this afternoon when I thought I would take a nap, I was hit with this overwhelming feeling of not being able to escape a life where I'm going to be dealing with these stressful issues FOREVER and that the first person who is going to end up in a grave is me...I'm so stressed out. I quit drinking a few months ago (It was just making me angrier) and before that I was never really a drinker. I want to hit the gym real bad but again I feel anchored to this place I'm suppose to call home, in order to make sure all goes well...

There is no real help for my MIL. I'm in Japan and the aging communities are usually taken care of by the eldest son in the family. My wife is an only child, we're all she has. She will go to a day care service 3 days a week...that's it. It helps, but I wish it would be a 7 day a week thing with a 3 or 4 day a week over-night stay...that would be helpful.

So, I took some medicine (Something I hate doing), walked out on the balcony and tried to look as far off into the distance as possible...was helping. Walking into the living room (Which is rather empty right now) and did some stretching...didn't work...shortness of breath and pain in my legs, shoulders and head were irritating me. Took a painkiller. Decided to run a bath just high enough to cover my legs and let the heat rise up through the body. Wasn't really helping.

Tonight I'm suppose to go to a friends wedding party and while I was looking forward to it for the last couple of weeks, I'm finding it hard to see myself enjoying things. I'm going to go in a few minutes. I'm going to try to have some fun.

So, how do you handle the stress, the anxiety, the inability to move when you know you have to. How do you handle wanting to cry but then not physically being able to. Crying helps release emotions...but I couldn't cry...any advice would help.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I think you should seek religious help. For your situation, only religion can help you forgive and let it go. Only religion can help you let go of yourself. 

Once I read a sentence: Human beings have a lot of pain, the real reason is that we don't know ourselves. We can't let go of ourselves. We try very hard to protect ourselves. It is all because of me. It's mine. I can. I love. I hate. I want. I don't want. I am being slaved by me. This is the source of pain. If you see through all these, let go of yourself. Then you will be free. 

Sorry, my English is not good enough to translate this kind of deep stuff. Please go and look for books which can help you forgive and let go of yourself. 

Seek religion!! Normally I don't give people this kind of advice, but I do think that you are in fatal situation.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

If you don't let go of this, you are only going to hurt yourself even more. You are still young, why do you want to live a life like this? There are so many years ahead of you. Do you want to live your whole life feeling like this? 
If you choose to stay, forgive her, everybody makes mistakes. You have made a big mistake. Your mistake is that you chose to love this woman. Please don't think that you are not wrong.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I've never been to Japan, so I don't know the culture, customs, or anything like that. So, if my suggestion is out of line or doesn't work within your culture, please don't be offended; it's not my intention. 

You don't specifically state what is wrong with your mother-in-law, but it sounds like perhaps she has some dementia or Alzheimers. My grandmother had that and came to live with us when I was 16, and I remember how hard it was to deal with her. We couldn't do it. Not with school, jobs, and everything else. 

My suggestion would be to find a nursing home or some kind of assisted living facility that can care for whatever issues she has, and place her there. That, or hire a nurse that can come in and care for her several hours a day, giving you and your wife a much needed break. 

I understand it's usually up to the family to care for the aging parent, and it's honorable that you tried to do that. I think family should try to care for other family. But sometimes you simply have to admit that you just can't deal with it, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's better to admit you can't handle it and get her the care she needs than to stress yourself, your wife, and your mother-in-law out trying to do it. That helps none of you.


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## oi81248 (Sep 12, 2010)

I have one word for you.....Klonpin.

I have panic attacks and anxiety myself. Klonpin does the trick. You don't need to take it all the time....only when things get bad and you have an attack.

:iagree:


synonimous_anonymous said:


> Looking for a larger range of opinions here and I think many can relate...
> 
> For those that don't know my story: she cheated, my mother-in-law is old and a pain in the butt to the extent I wish she would 'move on'. We moved out of our old place, into a new place, in the country side a bit. Fresher air, nicer area, more green, a bigger place at the same price.
> 
> ...


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## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

Didn't you lift weights at one point? I think you should get back in the gym. Now when I feel anxious I immediatly do pushups and sit ups. As many as I can. It stimulates the endorphins which activates your pleasure center in the brain. Do you have a bike? A 30 minute ride around town, seeing the sites, would also help clear your head.
It sounds like the issues with your wife a clearing up. Are the two of you going out socially? Spending time together out of the house?


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## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

I'm a religious person but have not been able to find it as helpful as I would have liked...or perhaps it's just not time.

As for nursing homes, they are for the very VERY rich which means there are very few places because they are all private. We looked at one place and it was priced at 200,000 USD for the first year and then 2000 USD every month until she dies. Not exactly the kind of money we have laying around.

Things with my wife are up and down. Unfortunately, something happened to me the other day which spun my head around quite a bit (Another post). As for the gym, I want to get back very quickly. Things don't work the same in Japan as they do in most other countries though and I don't feel safe leaving the apartment with just my wife and her mother to hit the gym. I'd be there thinking "What are they up to now."

For the record, my mother-in-law suffers from Parkinson's syndrome (Different from disease). Due to her age she is suffering from the beginning stages of Alzheimer's we believe.

Anyways, that's it for now.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Ok, so a nursing home is out of the question, but still...what about a private nurse or a home health aide? Just someone to come in for a few hours a day, to take over care for your mother in law so you and your wife can work, spend some time together, run errands, or whatever? Even if you can't afford everyday, perhaps you could afford one or two days a week? Just something to give you a break. It's like having a child. You hire a babysitter now and then to get a break. Same thing here, but you want someone who has some medical training given her health conditions.


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## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

She has daycare 3 days a week. This is from around 10am to 4pm. Trouble usually happens on days she's at home. There are moments in the week when she's not around. Unfortunately, those days are usually days we're not at home either. We're at work. We' re both trying hard to find time to spend together while she's at daycare. A couple weeks from now is the soonest. We've got a day planned where my MIL will be at daycare and both my wife and I have the day off.


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