# Forced to confess affair?



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I have a niece, who was married to what we all thought was a great guy. About 5 years in he has an affair with a woman from their bridal party. A mutual guy friend discovers this and approaches the husband and basically says "What you have done is wrong, and if you don't tell your wife... i will!" So the husband has no choice but to go ahead and confess to his wife that he had an affair. Of course the wife is tore apart by this news, and its too much for her to look past and get over, with no kids, she just decides to divorce.

Has this happened to anyone else? When i heard this i was sad, but it also puzzled me. Sad ofcourse this happened to them, because my niece is a wonderful woman who deserved better. But wondered what i do if i was in the husband's position if i was stupid enough to cheat. My thing is, what's wrong is wrong and i acknowledge that. But if you have the stones to approach me and attempt to blackmail a confession out of me. Then you have to be prepared for me to threaten you with bodily harm. I would of told the guy to mind his business, and his business is not telling my wife ANYTHING! I know the guy did what he thought was right, and my niece's husband is not an aggressor. So this was never an issue. But i just had to think of how i'd feel if a mutual friend (if it was a guy) would approach me with such a thing.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

The OW's H is the one who told me, and told my H the same thing. The answer my H had was to try and make sure he couldn't find me. Honestly, I think its more upsetting that some people think its okay to lie about that in the first place. You shouldn't have to be blackmailed into telling your spouse, but it happens. My H didn't like the fact this guy busted him out, but honestly it always comes out of the closet. Eventually. Maybe twenty years from now, maybe tomorrow. Why not do the right thing in the first place?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think it is great she divorced him, more loyal spouses should get out when there are no children. I wonder why he got married in the first place. It would have been easier to stay single and continue seeing other women. :scratchhead:

I think the man did the right thing he bucked the code of silence but that makes him a decent man. He felt more compassion for for your niece than for her husband. 

Who cares what a cheater thinks, if he got aggressive, the decent man would have to remind him that assault would bring more problems.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

DawnD said:


> The OW's H is the one who told me, and told my H the same thing. The answer my H had was to try and make sure he couldn't find me. Honestly, I think its more upsetting that some people think its okay to lie about that in the first place. You shouldn't have to be blackmailed into telling your spouse, but it happens. My H didn't like the fact this guy busted him out, but honestly it always comes out of the closet. Eventually. Maybe twenty years from now, maybe tomorrow. *Why not do the right thing in the first place?[/*QUOTE]
> 
> Well that is why i can't cheat in the first place. I'm sorry you had to be informed this way, but atleast you found out.
> 
> ...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The logical consequence of an affair is a broken marriage. Those who don't want to deal with the consequences shouldn't have affairs. It would be great if the OM had minded his own business but deceptions have a way of being discovered one way or the next. If you always do what you know is right, you never have to worry about truth being revealed. Make truth your buddy. I aint perfect but I try to live in such a way that should anyone even falsely accuse me of something dishonorable or dishonest, nobody would believe them.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

I found out threw our neighbor. She told my W she had a couple of hours to tell me, well she didn't....


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Bigwayneo said:


> I found out threw our neighbor. She told my W she had a couple of hours to tell me, well she didn't....


That's something because most neighbor's... wouldn't want to be the bearer of bad news. My wife thinks our neighbor next door is cheating with the autorepair owner right across the street. I'm torn, we both loathe the neighbor, but the mechanic owner is a pretty good guy and been good for our cars. Nothing would bring me more joy then to inform her husband that this guy comes over for an hour everyday while he is at work. But i don't want to mess the mechanic up.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

Rob774 said:


> That's something because most neighbor's... wouldn't want to be the bearer of bad news. My wife thinks our neighbor next door is cheating with the autorepair owner right across the street. I'm torn, we both loathe the neighbor, but the mechanic owner is a pretty good guy and been good for our cars. Nothing would bring me more joy then to inform her husband that this guy comes over for an hour everyday while he is at work. But i don't want to mess the mechanic up.


That is a tuff spot.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I think there's little to be gained from getting in the middle of other peoples' marriage business. Most people on a track to destruction don't need their neighbor greasing the rails for them. Dysfunctional people frequently hook up and it's handiest that way. Better for two people to be miserable than four. Unless their situation involves blood, flames, or gunfire, it's generally best to stay out of it.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

THe other guys girlfriend contacted my wife and threatened to tell me, when she told me that, i laughed out loud... maybe from shock, but i was like... " that chick is so hot, why would he go with you?" yeah it was mean but compared to this girl, my wife was a beast. 

I was half tempted to play that card, but i took the moral high ground.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Self-preservation prevails over honesty once again. We also should never forget that one man's beast is another man's fantasy.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

RWB said:


> After I found out my wife had affairs, I contacted the other women to let them know what their husbands had done. In one case, this woman acted upset that I told her. Her sorry husband had lied so long to her that she just wouldn't allow the possiblity. She didn't believe me until I called her and gave her proof.


See you shouldn't have to go outta your to explain it to someone. Sure she had a lot to lose, but she had to know something was up anyway. She was just being naive, and wanted you to damn near provide video evidence + a confession in order for her to believe you.



unbelievable said:


> I think there's little to be gained from getting in the middle of other peoples' marriage business. Most people on a track to destruction don't need their neighbor greasing the rails for them. Dysfunctional people frequently hook up and it's handiest that way. Better for two people to be miserable than four. Unless their situation involves blood, flames, or gunfire, it's generally best to stay out of it.


That's where i am at with my neighbor. I would love to drop the dime, because of my disdain, but if it ever got back to her that its me, she'd cause some type of trouble, and i'd hate to have to deal with this woman on another level.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Rob774 said:


> My thing is, what's wrong is wrong and i acknowledge that. But if you have the stones to approach me and attempt to blackmail a confession out of me. Then you have to be prepared for me to threaten you with bodily harm. I would of told the guy to mind his business, and his business is not telling my wife ANYTHING! I know the guy did what he thought was right, and my niece's husband is not an aggressor. So this was never an issue. But i just had to think of how i'd feel if a mutual friend (if it was a guy) would approach me with such a thing.


Then I would be prepared for such an idiotic thing as a beatdown for acting as a tool to the one you love.

Have the stones to not cheat. If a good friend tells you to do right by your wife, have some respect.

And be prepared for a beatdown that you deserve.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

michzz said:


> Then I would be prepared for such an idiotic thing as a beatdown for acting as a tool to the one you love.
> 
> Have the stones to not cheat. If a good friend tells you to do right by your wife, have some respect.
> 
> And be prepared for a beatdown that you deserve.


Good point.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Rob it's a sad story all around. I am going to say something that may draw criticism but i think religious training is good because it inspires us to be good and gives us comfort and hope through prayers but i think that some religions are a blight on relationships between men and women. I am certain God does not condone this damage. These young people were maneuvered into marrying too young, and the woman was imbued with negative views of sex, I hope church is proud it was a failure before it began.. They may very well have had a loving relationship if they met when they were older. I hope they were both able to move on and pit this episode behind them. 

How are they doing now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Rob it's a sad story all around. I am going to say something that may draw criticism but i think religious training is good because it inspires us to be good and gives us comfort and hope through prayers but i think that some religions are a blight on relationships between men and women. I am certain God does not condone this damage. These young people were maneuvered into marrying too young, and the woman was imbued with negative views of sex, I hope church is proud it was a failure before it began.. They may very well have had a loving relationship if they met when they were older. I hope they were both able to move on and pit this episode behind them.
> 
> How are they doing now?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Once again, funny that you mention that because... she was under ENORMOUS pressure to stay in the marriage, even from her own parents. The JW, they are good people, but they can be cultish if you dig deep. Every party involved went to the same Kingdom Hall. And with my neice's temperment, the more everyone pushed her to stay, the more she faught. He promised her everything, even a beemer to stay (his family had money). But that was the last straw. 

The irony is he was always the one who "checked up" on what she was doing. Checking the mileage on her car to see ensure it measured out to exactly her job to home. He was always insecure of her attractiveness, always thought that she was going to cheat. But she was raised right, so cheating was never going to cross her mind, she's shoot a guy down in a second.

As for how they are doing now, i have no clue. I talk to her parents almost every day, they barely mention her, i think there is still beef between them over this. I never seen the hubby obviously anymore, although i'd love to get his official side of the story. Sad thing is, she's pretty much go AWOL. My wife and her grew up as sisters, and she hasn't seen or heard from her in about 4 years. In the end she's good girl, who i think would of been a great wife/mother. But i don't think she is seeing anyone seriously, but you never know. She's got to be about 36 now.


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## HungUp (Feb 26, 2011)

Rob774 said:


> Has this happened to anyone else? When i heard this i was sad, but it also puzzled me. Sad ofcourse this happened to them, because my niece is a wonderful woman who deserved better. But wondered what i do if i was in the husband's position if i was stupid enough to cheat. My thing is, what's wrong is wrong and i acknowledge that. But if you have the stones to approach me and attempt to blackmail a confession out of me. Then you have to be prepared for me to threaten you with bodily harm. I would of told the guy to mind his business, and his business is not telling my wife ANYTHING! I know the guy did what he thought was right, and my niece's husband is not an aggressor. So this was never an issue. But i just had to think of how i'd feel if a mutual friend (if it was a guy) would approach me with such a thing.


I guess I probably wouldn't have got involved before I had been cheated on, but now I have then if it was my friend or family involved I would definately ensure the LS found out. In my opinion, if the LS does not know then there is no pressure for the DS to give up their ways. Without seeing first hand the pain they have caused then why would they stop this exciting affair? Is it not more that the guilt they feel is guilt for getting discovered rather than being guilty for their actions - otherwise they wouldn't keep doing it.

While I couldn't leave myself, I say good on your niece for leaving while she easily could, as this is what she must've needed to do.



Rob774 said:


> That's something because most neighbor's... wouldn't want to be the bearer of bad news. My wife thinks our neighbor next door is cheating with the autorepair owner right across the street. I'm torn, we both loathe the neighbor, but the mechanic owner is a pretty good guy and been good for our cars. Nothing would bring me more joy then to inform her husband that this guy comes over for an hour everyday while he is at work. But i don't want to mess the mechanic up.


Without proof then it is a tricky one to go and potentially ruin a relashionship. If you were genuinely concerned about not wanting to mess the mechanic up as you don't have proof then it's understandable, but the fact you write that he has "been good for our cars" implies to me that you are more concerned about losing a good mechanic for your car repairs - that would be 'extremely' selfish!

The facts are I assume that you weren't in the position to make the choice so you will never really know what you'd do. Maybe if you had the guilt of knowing about the affair and watching your niece's husband swan around acting all in love (and possibly continuing to go on to screw half the town) then you maybe just would be angry enough to force him to confess, or do it yourself?

Would 'you' like to think of 'your' partner having all those erotic memories of screwing around and not having to suffer some pain for their actions?


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