# what's going on, how should I handle this



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I posted about anxiety and trust issues a few months back. Went to counseling, upped my exercise,etc. The past 4-5 weeks have been really good. Dh and I went on a get away which was fantastic. Had great talks, enjoyed one anothers company, etc. He was very reassuring about is intentions, etc.

My question is that I've noticed a change in our intimacy. On vacation we had about 3 encounters each day. Mutually great!

However, during the work week, I notice a pattern. At least once a week he asks if we can wake up early rather than stay up late. People suggested it was due to more testerone in the morning. 

At least once a month, he doesn't finish. Once a month he says he's just not in the mood, but in a nice way. Tired, etc.

Even so, we're averaging 3-4 times a week which is a good quantity for us. 

Dh recently joked that he'll need Viagra to keep up with me. He was laughing and said it as a joke. I assured him he won't .

Now I'm wondering. I've been running an hour a day, 4-5 days a week. I've lost weight, toned up, feel better. 

Dh tells me I'm everything he wants, he loves my butt (it's pretty nice, running does that, and my boobs. He says I do it for him ( and he doesn't struggle getting excited).

Should I let the viagra comment, tired night comment go? He works a stressful job and is 50.

FWIW, initiating is now mutual. I just feel the not finishing and comments about not being a teenager reflect on my appearance. I feel like if I was hot enough, this wouldn't be an issue. So basically I guess I feel his lack of climaxing or asking for another time is a kind way of saying I don' t do it for him. I have asked him,and he says it's not that.

This is new territory for us.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Even so, we're averaging 3-4 times a week which is a good quantity for us.





snowbum said:


> So basically I guess I feel his lack of climaxing or asking for another time is a kind way of saying I don' t do it for him.


Seems to me you keep looking for a problem. In your previous threads it has been the same theme. If you keep looking for a problem, trying to invent one, you will surely find one.

You said on vacation it was 3 encounters a day. That is a low stress time for both of you, no work, nothing else to do but have fun. Back to work and you say 3-4 times a week is a good quantity for the two of you, but evidently not for you. What exactly are you expecting? 20+ times a week? Three times a day without fail? No being tired even once a month? And oh, if he doen't pop on schedule every time that means you don't "do it" for him. I am sure there are men who can keep that pace, but bet most of them aren't 50, 

Evidently your husband age 50 is mentioning having a hard time keeping up. He may indeed need to use Viagra, what is the big deal about that? It doesn't mean he doesn't desire you, it means his body, blood circulation, and joy stick are 50 years old. A lot of men begin having these problems around that age. If you need a 20 year old to satisfy you needs, you may need to look elsewhere cuz you hubby ain't a 20 year-old.

I'll bet you scare the h3ll out of your husband, cuz he is thinking "damn, if I can't cut the mustard as often and as hard as she wants it, she is going to find someone else". "She expects vacation sex 24x7 and I better cum on schedule ( not too soon, not too late, and every time!") 

How would you feel if the roles were reversed?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Your comment makes sense. I was more LD for years and that has changed. I'm not feeling guilty, but I am taking into consideration my husbands needs and truly want him to feel loved and appreciated. 

I am not looking for a problem. I'm expressing here, and only here, something that is new in 31 years. I know there are a lot of ED ads, and hair ads, and aging ads. You never feel that those commercials are speaking to you until you are there. 

My husband would go t2-3 times in a night 4-5 years ago. That was something I took for granted, and regretfully didn't appreciate as much as I should have.

As to scaring my husband? Hardly. I'm a compassionate, patient person. I don't burden people IRL with tmi and I focus on supporting dh. I'm not perfect, but scary and demanding? No.

I've read many men here that never slow down and brag about their ability, which led to me wonder if we're too young for this.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Everyone is different. My wife and I are in our seventies. Our normal schedule ( and I do mean schedule ) is two encounters *every* day, unless life intervenes ( illness, appointments, company visiting, etc, ) We are both in sync.

But, we believe ( and our doctors confirm ) that we are very healthy for our age. 

Three years ago our routine was more like 4-5 encounters in a week. We were both in sync. My wife's libido went through the roof, SHE became the HD in our marriage and I initially had trouble keeping up. Viagra and Cialis neither prevented "down days". I found out my testosterone was right for my age but too low to maintain the pace she needed. So I have been injecting for the last 18 months, and it made a lot of difference. In fact, if she slows down in the future, I will need to reduce injections to avoid going crazy because now I am the HD in the marriage again.

My point is, everyone is different and just because men on an internet site say they never slow down with age, that doesn't mean that is the norm. Your husband is the one you are married to and just because he isn't matching your desire means nothing except he isn't a kid anymore.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I wouldn’t think there is a problem there. I basically want to go in the morning and at night now and I’m the same age. I need at least an hour or two between.

Not finishing for me wouldn’t happen though unless I am pretty drunk.

I think my wife looks great I can still get a boner from her almost instantly.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I’m a 58 year old guy. 

You’re over thinking. 

I make wise cracks about viagra or ibuprofen or CPAP etc etc etc about every day. It’s one of privileges you get when you manage to live this long. 

He was complimenting you on being hot sexy chick!! Take it as such and don’t try to read more into it and don’t let your insecurities and body image issues try to turn it into something negative.

Men are very simple creatures and don’t have any complex hidden meaning messages.

And in regards to not finishing now and then, that just simply happens now and then.

I am a horn dog and I have been with some actual models and pageant contestants and there were times I didn’t finish even when I was in my 20s. 

Thats just part of being a penis owner, it has absolutely nothing to do with the people I was with or how sexy and attractive they were.

It’s a total myth and fallacy that men will always orgasm every single time. 

You two have a very active and even enviable love life. Appreciate that and don’t ruin that by worrying about things that aren’t really there.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Snowbum..... yer killing me. 

Enjoy your husband. He clearly enjoys and loves you. Enjoy your life with him. Stop thinking about things so damn much. In fact, laugh at the joke he made! I promise laughter will make you feel better. He is complimenting you with the joke. He is impressed with your sex drive. That's it. 

Please relax and enjoy your time with your husband. You have something special with him that a lot of people here would kill for.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Instead of asking us what we think is going on, let me ask you what are you worried is going on? And don't answer, "I don't know". Really think about it, if you follow the line of thinking that is making you post this where does it go?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I’m female, I don’t always orgasm 🤷🏻‍♀️ Nothing to do with my husband and nothing to do with me. It happens, it’s ok. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself or eachother.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

In my opinion you have assigned an issue that is yours as something your husband created…. which it isn’t. I would warn you not to run off in your head with this nonsense or a REAL issue will arrive by your own creation. Self fulfilling prophecy and all that stuff……


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

so he is having some trouble cuming with routine PIV sex?

there is a ton of kinky stuff you can do to enhance the stimulation while you have PIV sex.
maybe he THINKS that you having bigger breasts (from augmentation) would do it. but have you tried other things? toys, etc? 

even just tugging on his nipples as he gets close might be all he needs.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Snowbum..... yer killing me.
> 
> *Enjoy your husband*. He clearly enjoys and loves you. Enjoy your life with him. Stop thinking about things so damn much. In fact, laugh at the joke he made! I promise laughter will make you feel better. He is complimenting you with the joke. He is impressed with your sex drive. That's it.
> 
> Please relax and enjoy your time with your husband. You have something special with him that a lot of people here would kill for.


To that point, life is short! And we have no idea when illness and/or death will intervene. There is more than enough misery for real awaiting us without dreaming stuff up to stress over. I thought about the Viagra comment a little, and indeed, maybe he was paying you a compliment that he is joking about being able to match your libido.

@snowbum I hope you can follow this advice, Believe me, things can go south for you and/or your husband quicker than you can imagine. All it takes is a bad report from a routine medical test to upend your world. Speaking from experience.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

@snowbum feel free to not answer, but I'd like to ask 

How old are you?
Have you experienced menopause?
Do you work?
Do you have friends?
Do you have hobbies?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Let it go. 
I know you will always get some men here saying they are in their 60's or 70's or whatever and still have sex every day, (men like to boast a little), but it's pretty common for men to slow down sexually as they age. Just as we all eventually slow down in other areas, we often do sexually as well.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

snowbum said:


> I posted about anxiety and trust issues a few months back. Went to counseling, upped my exercise,etc. The past 4-5 weeks have been really good. Dh and I went on a get away which was fantastic. Had great talks, enjoyed one anothers company, etc. He was very reassuring about is intentions, etc.
> 
> ......However, during the work week, I notice a pattern. At least once a week *he asks if we can wake up early rather than stay up late.* People suggested it was due to more testerone in the morning.
> 
> ...


First congratulations on transforming yourself and your fears regarding your marriage.

Now, is down and think about the following, *He works a stressful job and is 50. we're averaging 3-4 times a week.....*

Now compare this situation to the situation you were facing a few months ago?

You need to address your own insecurity. Look at your words and think about how you may be sabotaging your marriage.


> *I feel like if I was hot enough, this wouldn't be an issue*. So basically I guess I feel his lack of climaxing or asking for another time is a kind way of saying I don' t do it for him. * I have asked him,and he says it's not that.*[ /QUOTE]
> 
> You are starting to sound like a woman who is seeking validation of herself via the sex you have with your husband. If that is the case, you are using sex with your husband solely for our emotional pleasure and fulfillment. Making love should be mutually desired. Listen to your H when he says you are not the problem. Believe him.
> 
> ...


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> I posted about anxiety and trust issues a few months back. Went to counseling, upped my exercise,etc. The past 4-5 weeks have been really good. Dh and I went on a get away which was fantastic. Had great talks, enjoyed one anothers company, etc. He was very reassuring about is intentions, etc.
> 
> My question is that I've noticed a change in our intimacy. On vacation we had about 3 encounters each day. Mutually great!
> 
> ...


It's not to do with you. He's 50 now. People slow down at different rates, but 50 is definitely a time a man could just again having some variability. He may eventually want to get Viagra, but right now as long as you don't take it as a reflection on you, you should just let things ride. And you need to listen to him when he has a preference for morning or night. At 50 you are getting tired like you never were before from just your normal working and routine. You do have to make some allowances for that.

Overall it sounds like you two are doing great so don't make a problem where there is none.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

snowbum said:


> I posted about anxiety and trust issues a few months back. Went to counseling, upped my exercise,etc. The past 4-5 weeks have been really good. Dh and I went on a get away which was fantastic. Had great talks, enjoyed one anothers company, etc. He was very reassuring about is intentions, etc.
> 
> My question is that I've noticed a change in our intimacy. On vacation we had about 3 encounters each day. Mutually great!
> 
> ...


I haven't read what the others have said at this point, but to me, this is an issue about him, and specifically his self image. Believe me, the not being able to finish has never been about the woman I am with, and I really doubt that it is you. And he is most likely seeing this as a reflection on _him_. It's a natural thing. Personally I have found that any inability to orgasm typically happens with morning sex. I very rarely have that issue later in the day (might have to experiment to see if there is a boundary line) or at night. It's not uncommon for a man to start to "feel his age" at the half century mark. For me it's where I can't do as much physical labor as before. I used to pick up whole sofas (not sleepers!) by myself and carry them out of the store to load into customers trucks, or out of their houses. Now I need assistance. It's a blow to my self image. For him, he is probably seeing you being able to just go and go, and improving on your looks (in his eyes you are probably going from sexy to DAMN sexy). I doubt that he feels his looks are improving and that his sexual prowess is lowering as well. The morning failures and being tired occasionally are probably not helping. I would let the Viagra statement go in and of itself, but tuck it away and see if it is a symptom of lowering self image.


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