# 180 How to



## Alittlefunnnn (Jan 11, 2012)

Hi All,
I have a question regarding the 180. I've been doing it for a couple of weeks and I find it almost unbelievable at how quickly it has worked. Things that weren't happening are happening in the way I wanted them to always happen. Well, so far so good.........however I have a question regarding the 180 and MC.

At counseling the therapist asked me how I was doing. General question I guess and I told her I was fine. My wife immediately brought up the fact that I was working out and dressing nicer. She attempted to make it sound like she was happy for me but I could definitely tell there was curiosity on her part as to WHY. Understandable I guess and although I'm doing the 180 to take myself back it's good to know that it has the affect I wanted it to have on her as well.

So the MC asked what made me make these changes? So I told her that it was because I basically wanted to start taking care of myself more. Almost made it like a "oh just trying to get a little healthier" type thing. So it kind of became the topic for a while and all I REALLY wanted to say was that i was making MYSELF better for me and didn't really feel like I needed to answer for that.

So, my question is how can I work my way through these situations in MC so that I don't come off as not giving a crap? I know it's not the ideal attitude to have but it's sort of the attitude I had to take in the beginning to make the changes I needed to make. 

Any advise is welcomed!


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

I think I'd answer this with, " I'm doing this for me." Period. If pressed, just say, " as part of increasing awareness of myself." Let them ponder that. :scratchhead:


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## Alittlefunnnn (Jan 11, 2012)

Yeah that might work. Might. It's a therapist, she's surely to ask me to elaborate. haha

I'm trying to find a way to I guess explain it to myself as well where I can easily discuss it without basically saying, ENOUGH of you it's time for ME.


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

Maybe you should say that you don't give a crap, that you view your wife as an vaguely interesting reptile until such time as she proves different, and that's all you're there for, to see if she can prove it. She should be thanking the Lord above that you're even putting that time in. 

Don't let some head-shrinker put you on the spot. Shrink works for you, not the other way around.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

And the answer is, " It's just that I feel like I've been stuck in this limbo for a long time. I need answers that I'll probably never get. So I feel the need to proceed with re-establishing trust in myself." Afterall, unless you have trust in yourself, and love for yourself, you cannot trust and love others.


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## Alittlefunnnn (Jan 11, 2012)

lascarx, thanks but I'm trying to not show anger or aggression or disgust in any way. I'm trying to act like I don't give a crap and that her actions both present and past don't affect my mood. I mean unless it's disrespectful and then they can both kiss my a$$. 

We've been in MC for a few months and I was still struggling with certain emotions and wanting certain things. Thankfully with the 180 my attitude towards life in general has changed and so has that "wanting" feeling. The MC basically thought I was doing fine, mostly because I hid it because I thought at times the counseling was one sided. Not that the MC ever made excuses for what my wife did but we were focusing more on how BOTH of us could change in the marriage to make it work. 

I was going along with it because I needed to believe in something, I guess. 

That's my dilema. MC thinks everything was OK even though I didn't. Wife thinks everything was OK even though I didn't. I just feel like I finally have control of my emotions and thoughts and am not REACTING.


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## Alittlefunnnn (Jan 11, 2012)

WOW that's a pretty good answer!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Tell her the truth, that you are emotionally detaching from your wife in order to heal yourself and move on with your life with or without her.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

I think it's fine to tell the truth and say that you want to be healthier, have a better attitude, and look better to attract women. That plan A is for the woman you attract to be your wife, but plan B is to divorce and be able to attract women on the dating scene.

You can say that plan A is obviously what you are your wife are both working toward, but her disloyal actions have made you realize that you may need to put plan B into action.

Let the MC and your wife discuss that.


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