# Recommend Books About Sex in Marriage



## DudleyD (Jan 25, 2011)

I've seen a lot of people on this forum name drop books that have helped them to better their marital sex life... and so I thought it might be a good idea to have a comprehensive list in one spot rather than littered all over in different posts. 

Can you recommend some good books to check out about sexuality, sex in marriage, etc. etc. ? Anything at all you think is helpful.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

DudleyD said:


> I've seen a lot of people on this forum name drop books that have helped them to better their marital sex life... and so I thought it might be a good idea to have a comprehensive list in one spot rather than littered all over in different posts.
> 
> Can you recommend some good books to check out about sexuality, sex in marriage, etc. etc. ? Anything at all you think is helpful.


Dudley, 
Here are some books I recently purchased that specifically address sex.

I have only read the first one.*- Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage *- Kevin Leman
http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294890641&sr=1-1

-*Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship* - Dr. David Schnarch P.h.D;
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/082...A3ADN03F2ABAVW

-*Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship* - David Schnarch; 
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006...=ATVPDKIKX0DER

-*Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for Women Who Want to Feel More In the Mood *- Shelia Wray Gregoire;
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/082...=ATVPDKIKX0DER​I have only started reading Intimacy & Desire. It's not as easy a read as the first but still it's providing some good info.

Click on the Amazon links to the books and you'll see similar recommended book that cover the topic.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I swear I bought about 30 books on sex in the past 2 years, I tend to be a bit obsessive, I rarely finish one to the end. 

What are you looking for specifically - more spice in your marriage, ideas on positions-Kuma Sutra, techniques, more intimacy? 

I've bought books on flirting, how to build passion, the history of sex, erotic message, How our Hormones affect our desire, Our our brains affect our love life, about different Libito types, spiritual sex, etc etc . There are so many books out there, wish I could buy them all ! 

If you are a Christian, "Sheet Music" is absolutely excellent.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Dudley,
I think reading books is great. I also believe that if you take yourself through a written question and answer session you will be able to inject some of the core specifics of your marriage into the process. 

OUTside the bedroom what turns your W on, and what turns her off? Could be how you dress, your humor, whether you propose well thought out plans for events/dates. Specific activities that are mutually enjoyable. Could be you teasing her a bit about some of her quirks.

As for turn offs - they are there - you can likely figure many of them out without asking her.

If you are out of shape - get in shape. In fact get V shaped. 

At a certain level of performance outside the bedroom she won't resist being take inside the bedroom where you should have already gone through a similar list ahead of time. 

That may require lowering the thermostat a bit. The idea is to couple her "liking/loving" you more with her being less sure how much you love her. You don't do that by flirting with other women or being directly critical of her. You simply reduce the amount of loving acts you stream her way. 

All that said - you get to a point where you are hands down bringing your A game, and have lowered the temp with no response from her - that is when you have the "talk". 

Basic flavor goes like this: I need you to tell me why the passion in our marriage is hibernating. And then get her to talk. She will likely try to get you to talk, so she doesn't have to. Don't let that happen. GET her to talk. And if she refuses you can let her know that a refusal to work with you on this critical problem is a sign that she does not respect you, respect your priorities and the small number of needs you have in the marriage. And that is not acceptable. DON'T talk about how rejected/hurt you are. That will be a step back. Just end it with not acceptable and then let her know that you are there when she is ready to talk. After that - if it was me I would steadily drop the temp to absolute zero over a week or two. 

Because this is not a "*** me or else" demand. Instead it is a "help me work to solve this problem" demand. And if she won't, it can't be fixed. Separate from that if she behaves that way then she truly doesn't care if you are miserable. And you have to withdraw emotionally if that is the case - for your own sanity. 






DudleyD said:


> I've seen a lot of people on this forum name drop books that have helped them to better their marital sex life... and so I thought it might be a good idea to have a comprehensive list in one spot rather than littered all over in different posts.
> 
> Can you recommend some good books to check out about sexuality, sex in marriage, etc. etc. ? Anything at all you think is helpful.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I swear I bought about 30 books on sex in the past 2 years, I tend to be a bit obsessive, I rarely finish one to the end.
> 
> What are you looking for specifically - more spice in your marriage, ideas on positions-Kuma Sutra, techniques, more intimacy?
> 
> ...


Agree entirely.* Sheet Music* is a very easy read and worth it for anyone, Christian or not. Gives a good understanding of male-female sexual needs.

(I know you used to be a stronger Christian, amorous).

*Intimacy & Desire* is secular but also good.

I've only read one or two chapters, but the author explains how _*the low desire partner always controls sex, *_just like the low interest partner always controls which restaurant, hobby, etc., the couple enjoys.

Doesn't mean the low desire partner doesn't love the other, but that is a fact of life. 
Took a while to let this sink in but it gave me a new perspective as I felt so unloved when my wife wouldn't give me as much sexual affection as I desire...

So she still loves me and I shouldn't get so frustrated with it..

Will post more on this later but wanted to get these thoughts in..


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