# some advice for online infidelity



## adviceplz (Oct 5, 2011)

ive been married for 2 years now and have caught my husband a few times finding women online to talk to "just as friends". but this last time, i found him posting for someone to come over for fun/ sexual pleasures and also found him sending nude pics to one of them. i work nights so he stated in the past that he gets bored and thats y he talked to ppl online. but now that he has gone further than online (but i dont know for sure if anyone has come over...havnt talked to him yet), i was looking for some adivce from anyone that wants to give it.


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

adviceplz said:


> ive been married for 2 years now and have caught my husband a few times finding women online to talk to "just as friends". but this last time, i found him posting for someone to come over for fun/ sexual pleasures and also found him sending nude pics to one of them. i work nights so he stated in the past that he gets bored and thats y he talked to ppl online. but now that he has gone further than online (but i dont know for sure if anyone has come over...havnt talked to him yet), i was looking for some adivce from anyone that wants to give it.


Put a stop to this destructive, harmful behaviour immediately.

Shock treatment is needed here. It may be that you have caught this early, or maybe too late? 

He is putting you at risk and your marriage is in trouble. He has poor boundaries. Take firm action to protect your marriage now. 

Either he is in a marriage with you and you only, or you are out.

Start collecting information to strengthen your situation and verify everything. He has already stepped over the line and broken your trust.


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## adviceplz (Oct 5, 2011)

any advice how to start the conversation? bc in the past, it always seems to go nowhere, and things go back to the way they were


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

adviceplz said:


> any advice how to start the conversation? bc in the past, it always seems to go nowhere, and things go back to the way they were


you start with consequences- as in that you are going to divorce him if he does it again

also- some conditions you need to make clear in order for you to stay

1) he must be completely transparent, he must give up all passwords to all emails and his accounts and allow you access to his phone. (and you must verify for yourself by installing keyloggers and spyware on his phone, don't tell him this of course)
2) after you have access to his accounts and get to read what you wish to read, he must close all of them in front of you.
3) He needs to show true remorse and take 100% of the blame for what he has done. Not just by words but by actions as well. No blameshifting or gaslighting.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Try something along the lines of "WHY THE F!CK WOULD YOU BE INVITING SOME ***** OVER FOR SEX? GET THE **** OUT NOW" or some form of this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

When my husband did that I kicked his out of the house the very day I found out.

DO NOT put up with it. Draw your line in the sand and stick to it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I agree with Uphill and Hope.

The fact you don't even know how to approach this with him is not good. 

He is blatantly disrespecting you. He was inviting women to come over to your HOME. WTF?


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