# Can't Get out of the Funk



## MellieMel (Apr 27, 2018)

My mom passed away a year and a half ago. She had a long battle with leukemia. Lots of chemo, and marrow transplants. She was told to be cancer free and a week later passed away from a heart attack. On Easter Sunday. Was the hardest thing I have ever been through. They said her heart was too weak to handle all of the chemo.

I am having a hard time moving on from her death. And my father made things even harder. My parents were married 36 years. 2 weeks after my mom's funeral, my dad showed up at my apartment and introduced me and my kids to his new girlfriend. We had met her before, she was one of my moms best friends. TWO WEEKS AFTER HER FUNERAL. 

I'm heartbroken. Dad asked my kids if they were ok with him dating her, my oldest just said, "as long as you're happy grandpa"..... ugh....

I find myself not even being able to give this woman a chance. Shes perfectly nice, whatever.... I just can't.

I miss my mom terribly, and it just seems everyone else is fine. Able to move on. She was my rock, and the only person that knew everything about me and still loved me despite my vast flaws. 

At the time my mom was battling her leukemia, I also decided to end my marriage. My ExH was a serial cheater. 20 year marriage done. 

Also, my youngest son was diagnosed with JIA (a very aggressive auto immune disorder), and my 13 year old son is autistic, and my 16 year old daughter went into early onset kidney failure. I'm handling this all on my own, my ex is rarely around for the kids. With all this going on, I have been Diagnosed with PTSD. (basically had a nervous breakdown). Doc also thinks I may have BPD, as well as some Bi-Polar.

I have shut family, friends, pretty much everyone except my kids, out of my life. I just don't talk to anyone anymore. I do what I have to for my kids, and thats it. I am unable to work full time because all three of my kids have medical issues that need my attention all the time. I have no life outside of them. And really no desire to have a life outside of them. I know I'm depressed. I see a psychiatrist and therapist. I'm on medication (which is a whole issue in itself, finding the right one, trying different things), but can't seem to get out of this funk. I feel like I have no time for me. Not sure if I even found the time, I would take it.

I have tried dating, I end up finding a flaw in every single guy that shows interest. (this one tried to parent my kids, that one just wants sex, this one has too much baggage). I usually end up ghosting them, just stop communicating completely. 

All this being said, I do not have thoughts of suicide or death. I just can't seem to shake the depression. I know that I should find time for me, get out and spend some time in social settings, find something that interests me, go back to school... yeah my therapist as suggested all of the above... I just don't have the want or need right now. 

Now that I put all this out on a post, I'm not really sure what I'm asking for from you lovely people at TAM. Putting it all out there feels a little better, maybe just some words of encouragement, or some advice on how to pull myself out? I really feel like I'm just treading water here... unsure what way to go.


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## guilty and regretful (Jul 23, 2018)

Not sure exactly how to help, I'm so sorry you are having a difficult time. I can't imagine the stress that everything is causing you. 
Do you have a counselor you are talking to or a therapist? 
I always recommend spiritual counseling of some sort. I've found a lot of peace lately with meditation.

Praying you get some good advice and peace soon.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Getting the right medication will help greatly. Once you have that, the therapy will be able to sink in a little and you will grow more quickly, finding the answers to your questions within yourself. At the moment, it must be terribly difficult. I am sorry you are going through so much. It makes me feel anxious for you. I hope you find solutions very soon.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I recommend that you start taking really good care of yourself immediately. Get on a good vitamin regime. Your body cannot function properly if you aren't taking proper care of it. You need lots of nutrients for all of your cells to function properly, including the ones in your brain. I recommend you immediately begin taking a B complex vitamin.

Eat a ton of vegetables. Have a salad every single day. Don't use commercial salad dressing. Put the ingredients in a blender and use that. A little xanthan gum will hold it together so you can keep it in the fridge. Or you can use some mayonnaise to hold it together. Make sure it's not full of junk, but is as simple as possible.

Cut out refined sugar and don't eat a lot of carbohydrates. Keep grains low if you eat them at all. Add in good fats.

Get some real exercise daily. You can easily workout at home. I've been doing it for years and I feel horrible if I don't. As part of your routine, lift some weights, even if it's only hand weights.

Start a regular time of prayer and Bible reading. If you aren't a Christian, I don't know how to feed your spirit, but you need to do something to reach your spiritual side that will lift you up. Your mind needs to be renewed. With PTSD you have been completely overloaded. It's important to take care of yourself. Going to therapy is good, but you need something daily that is moving you through the pain and into a healthier, happier existence. An hour a week or every other week is not going to cut it.

If you don't take care of your body and your spirit, how can it take care of you? You have to feed your life or it will not be able to properly support you. I understand that you have been through some very rough things and continue to have a hard time of it, but isolating yourself isn't the answer. However, if you have no energy for other people that is understandable if you aren't taking proper care of yourself in the first place.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm sorry you've been through so much, and still to go. 

Here's my suggestion. You don't have energy, I get it. Here's something you can do while sitting on the couch. Go to your local library, and start working your way through the self-help section. Look for books about general psychology (why we do what we do), then some books about females (such as how they take on the world and yet sacrifice what they need). Maybe even some books on disorders like controlling or abusive men; not sure if your ex falls into that, but it's possible. Just the general knowledge you'll gain will help you gain some perspective on what 'the world' has to deal with, and where you and your family fit into all that. It's been a lifesaver for me.

As for your dad, that's a tough one. On the one hand, I get it. My mom's been gone for 9 years and I still break out crying at not having her around. You were a good daughter, ok? Know that.

That said, I also see WHY your dad has done what he did. For one thing, you don't really know what their marriage was like, just the two of them. Many marriages just dissolve over the years to a friendship, or even a roommate status. Some marriages are just two people who don't even like each other but stay together for a wide variety of reasons - family, money, whatever. It's very possible that that's what your parents had. And that he honestly just didn't love her anymore. So that it was easier for him to walk away than it was for you.

Another possibility is that because of her illness, he found himself backing away for whatever reason, alone, lonely, and this person was there to make it easier for him, and they developed a relationship they never intended.

And of course there's the possibility that you're dad's just a selfish jerk. Mine was. It was always all about him, he 'deserved' to be happy, you know?

I don't know your specifics, his, so I'll just say try to be a little more open minded about the possibilities. Maybe even sit down and talk to him about it. Communication nearly always makes things better.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

I think this may be unpopular but your dad and Mom’s friends may have grown close while you mother was fighting leukemia; I'm not saying this is OK but it does happen.

A friend of mine’s mother died fighting cancer and his father stating dating her sister shortly after his mother died. I would have no idea if cheating were involved.

I needed to be more caregiver to my 1st wife then husband; long story. After her death 2002, I spent a lot of time with one of her better friends. We married in 2006. There was no cheating.

As I see it you only have two choices here.
1; allow the resentment to grown and poison your life and relationship with your father.
2; let it go; treasure your memory of your parents and continue to love your father, knowing he is looking for happiness too.

By choosing the better path you free up resources for your other fronts.


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