# What to do...



## Gma (Feb 7, 2018)

Me and my husband have been having a very bumpy road since january. 
We have been trying, we have a 2 year old boy and a 9 month old baby girl.
But today while putting his already washed socks away i found a piece of condom packaging with gum sticked to it! 
I am shaking, my heart is racing! 
Right now he went to get some advil because he woke up with a headache, and around 7pm and sent me a text he was going to drive around to think of somethings, he clarified it was not about us, but other things.
Keep in mind we havent bought condoms since last october, i am on birth control.
I am just sitting in bed waiting for him to get home its been 2 hrs already.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

I would not confront him about what you've found. I'd put it away someplace safe, where he won't find it, and you can bring it forward once you've investigated a bit more.

Cheaters typically deny everything, so you will end up having to investigate and find the truth of the matter anyway. And that is miles easier if he is not aware that you're on to him, that he needs to hide.

I'd install a GPS locator on his phone, or put one under the seat of his car. As well as a voice activated recorder. Give it a week or two, and see what you discover.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html

Read this like now!

Mouth shut and eyes open.
Keep posting and we will walk you through this.

Now matter what, absolutely positively, do not confront without evidence.

I don't care if the second coming starts in the next 5 minutes. DO NOT CONFRONT WITHOUT EVIDENCE!

Yes, I screamed at you. It's that important.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

@sokillme

You're good at this, care to break out the 2x4?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

You dont confront. You get an std check, and see a lawyer to know your rights. To give you guidance on protecting yourself. 

DO NOT CONFRONT. i wear my heart on my sleeve. i have a hard time with this, and I have only ever regretted NOT following this piece of advice. Confront after you know what you need to know. Easier to do that when they dont think they are in any danger. 

EAT, SLEEP, AND DRINK FLUIDS!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Gma said:


> Me and my husband have been having a very bumpy road since january.
> We have been trying, we have a 2 year old boy and a 9 month old baby girl.
> But today while putting his already washed socks away i found a piece of condom packaging with gum sticked to it!
> I am shaking, my heart is racing!
> ...


Look I'm sorry but it's probably what it looks like. I know this sucks most of us have been there. Even though it feels like it it's not the end of your life. 

I think you need more evidence as well. Use the techniques in the standard evidence post, voice activated recorder, getting access to his phone, check your phone bill, and get some. If you want to go the quick route and really shake him up. Leave the condom with the gum on you kitchen table with a note saying I know and take the kids and go somewhere with people you can trust. Don't answer his calls for a few days.

Try to be strong. You can get through this.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm sorry you find yourself here. I remember well what that feels like. Please take care of yourself.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Gma said:


> Me and my husband have been having a very bumpy road since january.
> We have been trying, we have a 2 year old boy and a 9 month old baby girl.
> But today while putting his already washed socks away i found a piece of condom packaging with gum sticked to it!
> I am shaking, my heart is racing!
> ...


I’m not trying to be harsh here but you need to take your head out of the sand and act.
1.Your husband stopped wearing his wedding band saying it irritates him.
2.He refuses to bring you anywhere in public,no dates or even work outings.
3.He has came home with hickeys and claims his “friends” held him down and did it.
4.He refuses to communicate with you but spends hours at a time,multiple times a day talking to friends.
5.Now you find evidence of him using contraception that you don’t use yourself.
He is in the throngs of an affair and you need to protect yourself both legally,emotionally and most of all physically.
Go and see an attorney and find out where you stand with regards to alimony and child support.
And get tested!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'm standing firmly with all of my TAM cohorts who are advocating infidelity on your H's part!

Do not confront until you have all of your ducks in a row! But it's more than advisable to start a dialogue with a good family law attorney to be thoroughly advised of all of your custodial and property rights!*


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## Quality (Apr 26, 2016)

This post below is from your old thread where you indicated he's been going out with "friends" and came home with hickies one night {his friends supposedly held him down and did it ---- sure, my friends and I do that to each other all the time but it's better than saying his curling iron did it}. So Sorry you find yourself in this situation. It's probably too late because you likely already confronted him about the condom wrapper. He'll lie and you'll have a harder time, perhaps, discovering the truth otherwise. It's a mistake most betrayed spouses have to make for themselves. He's gonna lie until he's caught. The condom wrapper on gum on sock thing, to me, is an indication he's likely having sex with someone in his car because there is less chance of a piece of gum/piece of condom wrapper meeting sock in a bedroom anywhere. Since this odd behavior has been continuing for months it sounds more like an affair than visits with prostitutes but you can't be too careful here with your health (don't have sex with him}. Then again...he MIGHT masturbate with condoms on in his car for some reason but you'd never trust that answer which is why you need to snoop the truth either way. Get a Voice Activated Recorder. Buy it with cash (you can return it once you're done but you want no record of buying it on a credit card}. Practice using it. Then hide it in his car under his driver's seat with velcro so it doesn't slide around. You'll have your "truth" in no time and then figure out where to go from there {I saved my marriage and yours may or may not be savable depending on what you choose to do and whether he's capable of repenting...I know this must FEEL like the end of the world but I promise you that you will survive this and be OK again. Do not fear.}.

Here's your other post so others can provide more insight.


Gma said:


> I know every person in here have their own things that are going thru.
> Everyday i tell myself this is it, is over, then night falls and i say ok this day is finally over, next.
> I just feel so helpless, no motivation at all. I feel like there is really no need for me, But we have a 2 year old boy and a 7 month old baby girl and they dont deserve any of this.
> My heart feels so broken.
> ...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> I’m not trying to be harsh here but you need to take your head out of the sand and act.
> 1.Your husband stopped wearing his wedding band saying it irritates him.
> 2.He refuses to bring you anywhere in public,no dates or even work outings.
> 3.He has came home with hickeys and claims his “friends” held him down and did it.
> ...


Wait,whaaaat???

Yeah, see an attorney..


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

OK, there is good news and horrible news.

Your husband at least used a condom to probably have safe sex so as not to infect you and him (he was probably more concerned about himself).

Your husband probably is having sex with someone else. Now you need to figure out why you married him, if he is remorseful and willing to work on reconciling, whether or not you can forgive him and work to rebuild your marriage. That is a decision that both you and your H will have to make. If you don't feel you can forgive him or ever trust him again, then yes, talk to an attorney and figure on proceeding deliberately toward divorce.

On the other hand, if there is some potential for forgiveness and change on his part, then marriage counseling might be a next step.

Good luck. What has happened to you is horrible. Yes, find out more as to the details of what is really happening and know your options.


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## SA2017 (Dec 27, 2016)

he is driving around because he is screwing someone. he is cheating. he uses condoms so he won't get this someone pregnant.

as someone said already... remain silent, collect proofs , get tested and find a great attorney!


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