# Experiences in filing for divorce



## hurtinginohio (Nov 18, 2014)

So in my other thread I received a lot of good advice, a lot of you told me to file ASAP if I wanted any chance in saving the marriage. What I didn't get is anyone's experience with this. What happens most of the time when a WS is served? don't most of them just agree since they're the ones who want something else?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It can go one of two ways. 

He's ok with it and now you are in divorce.

Or, it hits him like a ton of bricks and he suddenly realizes that you have something to say about all this. He might realize that he's actually going to lose you if he continues what he's doing. He might end the affair.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A lot of whether or not to actually file right now has to do with if you have money to spare. The retainer can be pretty high. 

For this reason it's a good idea to see an attorney for a consultation, find out your rights and what kind of retainer they want.

A lot of attorneys will give a half hour to an hour free consolation to a new client. If you can talk to two or more of them. You will get a lot of info that way and hopefully find an attorney that you like.

Additionally you can go to someplace like your state's court self help site, down load the forms and fill them out.... and hand that to your husband. Often times just doing that will let them know that you are not putting up with their crap.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> A lot of attorneys will give a half hour to an hour free consolation to a new client. If you can talk to two or more of them. You will get a lot of info that way and hopefully find an attorney that you like.


This is definitely state dependent. In my state I only encountered 1 of the over 50 attorneys that I contacted that would actually give a free consult. The other 49 basically said that they had enough word of mouth referrals and that charging for their consult was standard practice shared by all, so they didn't feel the need to "waste their time giving away advice" and the fees were standard amongst all of them for this consult (and according to the quoted prices they were not lying with that statement). Seemed to me this was akin to price fixing that other industries get hauled into court for, so you state may vary from the results stated here.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm in FL and I had no problem finding a good attorney to give me a free consult. I liked her so much that in 6 months I went back to her with a retainer. She had plenty of business but thought free consults were a good idea.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

When I served mine, she was trying anything and everything she could to try and change my mind. 
When she was served, she broke down crying and begged me to talk with her. 

When I refused, she decided to double her efforts. She understood it to mean she had 60 days before the marriage was dead. 

Don't assume a WS will just go with it because they don't care. 
And don't assume they won't fight it.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Not all cases are equal. My wayward spouse couldn't divorce me fast enough. She was hell bent on the fact that I was in her way of the life she wanted and deserved. In the end, that was a good thing as I got a favorable divorce settlement and am much happier because of it.


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## hurtinginohio (Nov 18, 2014)

workindad said:


> Not all cases are equal. My wayward spouse couldn't divorce me fast enough. She was hell bent on the fact that I was in her way of the life she wanted and deserved. In the end, that was a good thing as I got a favorable divorce settlement and am much happier because of it.


I think this will be my situation considering I've seen numerous searches in his history relating to divorce/separation.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Divorce is a process. When he's served then the case will go on the court calendar after a specified waiting period. It could be 30 days or 60 days or longer before the case is schedled. And it can be taken off the calendar if you are the plaintiff and request it. In my state, you have to appear in person before the judge unless your attorney gets that waived (other states are different)

If he is searching divorce/separation on the computer then he may not be interested in saving your marriage. Sometimes people wake up and sometimes they don't. But the process starts the clock ticking down and sometimes that's what is needed.


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## BuddyL33 (Jul 16, 2009)

hurtinginohio said:


> So in my other thread I received a lot of good advice, a lot of you told me to file ASAP if I wanted any chance in saving the marriage. What I didn't get is anyone's experience with this. What happens most of the time when a WS is served? don't most of them just agree since they're the ones who want something else?


In my experience no, it doesn't mean it's going to go as planned. My ex wife and I agreed to end things mutually. We even decided how to split our property and worked up our custody arrangements. 

Then when I did the filing and self served her, she went ape ****. She went back on nearly everything she promised and fought me for several months. Finally she realized I could out last her financially and that my attorney was way better so she stopped fighting. In the end we wound up with the deal we started out with.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

hurtinginohio said:


> I think this will be my situation considering I've seen numerous searches in his history relating to divorce/separation.


There's a few stories (long threads of one OP and lots of advice-givers / supporters) in the private members section. The divorce and separation section is probably a good place to look, too; lots of posters move from this subforum to that one if their situation moves toward separation or D.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

in california i could write up the form but I had to get someone else to serve her with the papers.

I got her sister to do it.

filing cost me $450 or so
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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