# Want a Pet



## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

I have been wanting a puppy for a long time now, so I brought it back up and asked my husband if I could get one. Hes still saying no. He doesnt like animals. I really think its because of the way he was brought up. No one in his family ever had a pet, so he does everything they do. He knows his parents and family will frown upon it. That's my thought, and I'm probably right. When we got married I moved in with him. I want a pet soo mad that, I'm really thinking about leaving. I think it's crazy. What are your thoughts?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Well I think it’s not unrealistic Of you not to have a pet. But I think it also depends on a lot of things. What kind of pet? Where will it stay, do you have a yard? Are you home enough to take care of it by yourself? Do you have the money to take care of it. 
Depending on the pet..: it can affect everyone in the houses life. So you need to talk to your husband and compromise in a realistic option.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

What is it about animals that your husband doesn't like? 

If it's the shedding, get a poodle or another low-shedding, hypoallergenic breed. 

If it's the poop in the yard, train the dog to go in one spot. If it's the poop/pee ruining the grass, train the dog to go in a gravel patch.

If it's the barking, jumping, etc. invest in a good trainer before getting a puppy. 

If you know why he doesn't like pets, you may be able to reach and agreement. If it's something like, you don't have enough time or money for a pet, then tough **** honestly. 

If a pet is so important to you that you'd divorce, then that is your right. People leave for all sorts of incompatibilities.


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Well I think it’s not unrealistic Of you not to have a pet. But I think it also depends on a lot of things. What kind of pet? Where will it stay, do you have a yard? Are you home enough to take care of it by yourself? Do you have the money to take care of it.
> Depending on the pet..: it can affect everyone in the houses life. So you need to talk to your husband and compromise in a realistic option.


I'm home in the evenings, I have a daughter who can help. Hes never home anyway. I want a small dog. Yes, I have money to take care of it. Hes stuck in his own ways, and lives 100% on how he was brought up. He worships his mother and father until he doesnt have a brain of his own.


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

bobert said:


> What is it about animals that your husband doesn't like?
> 
> If it's the shedding, get a poodle or another low-shedding, hypoallergenic breed.
> 
> ...


No one on his family has a dog and never have. One family member broke down and bought one. Hes sooooo into what his family beliefs are and a dog doesnt belong in the house. That's all that is about. there is one other dog in the family too. It's all about how his mother and father brought him up. That's it. No other reason. Hes told me that before when I asked long time ago. Now its he doesnt like dogs. No he knows that his mother and father will have something to say.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Sounds like you have bigger issues than just wanting a pet. There's clearly a lot of resentment here about him "not having a brain of his own". Is the pet _really_ the reason you would think about leaving? Or are you just looking for a reason to leave at this point?


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

It's really about pet. He doesnt have a brain of his own though, lol. His parents dictate the house


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Do you two live with his parents? IF so then he would / should live by the wishes of the homeowners or rent payers


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I would choose a different kind of pet first. A fish for example, a pet that doesn't need constant attention.

A puppy needs a lot of attention. It's like having a baby. 

If you want a dog, get an older dog. A dog that's potty trained and calm.

We love dogs and I know I can't handle a puppy. Too much work!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tammy0823 said:


> It's really about pet. He doesnt have a brain of his own though, lol. His parents dictate the house


Why are you living in his parent's house? If it's their house, then their rules are the rules.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I think that your jumping to conclusions that just because he doesn’t want a dog that automatically means he can’t think for himself. Maybe he really doesn’t want a dog. 

Did you grow up with dogs?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Tammy0823 said:


> I have been wanting a puppy for a long time now, so I brought it back up and asked my husband if I could get one. Hes still saying no. He doesnt like animals. I really think its because of the way he was brought up. No one in his family ever had a pet, so he does everything they do. *He knows his parents and family will frown upon it. That's my thought, and I'm probably right.* When we got married I moved in with him. I want a pet soo mad that, I'm really thinking about leaving. I think it's crazy. What are your thoughts?


Are you here to be given objective advice, or affirmation of your current position?

From my purview (based on the bolded statement), it sounds like the latter.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Tammy0823 said:


> It's really about pet. He doesnt have a brain of his own though, lol. His parents dictate the house


If he doesn't have a brain of his own, why did you choose him?

You clearly don't respect him.


Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> Do you two live with his parents? IF so then he would / should live by the wishes of the homeowners or rent payers


Exactly, so now hes saying it's not about his parents. He doesnt like dogs, etc.


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

Tammy0823 said:


> Exactly, so now hes saying it's not about his parents. He doesnt like dogs, etc.


No, do not live with his parents


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> I would choose a different kind of pet first. A fish for example, a pet that doesn't need constant attention.
> 
> A puppy needs a lot of attention. It's like having a baby.
> 
> ...


I've had fish. Totally different from a dog.


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> Why are you living in his parent's house? If it's their house, then their rules are the rules.


Nooo, we dont live with his parents. He tells them everything and listens to everything they say. Especially his mother. I love his parents, but he tells them EVERYTHING


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> I think that your jumping to conclusions that just because he doesn’t want a dog that automatically means he can’t think for himself. Maybe he really doesn’t want a dog.
> 
> Did you grow up with dogs?


No, he definitely calls and tells people everything. No mind of his own. I'm not saying that just because of the dog situation. he tells his parents from A to Z. I had a dog when I was in high school. Hes never had one and dont want one.


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

farsidejunky said:


> Are you here to be given objective advice, or affirmation of your current position?
> 
> From my purview (based on the bolded statement), it sounds like the latter.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


I'm here for whatever I can get. This is the way I'm feeling right now. Undoubtedly, there is soo many other things that I'm not happy with in this .marriage, so the dog thing just further adds to it, and make it easy for me to leave.


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

farsidejunky said:


> If he doesn't have a brain of his own, why did you choose him?
> 
> You clearly don't respect him.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately, I didnt see a lot of this stuff before we got married. I saw some of it, but not all. That's why I got married. Hes a great man, with a lot messed up ways that I've had to endure. Period.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

His parent dictate your house. That's sad. I don't have much to say. Something like that doesn't change overnight. You two have to sit down and discuss the dynamics in your marriage. But don't expect something like this to change. If this is something that continues to bother you then you need to think about living with it or changing your situation.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I think that you would rather have a puppy than a husband. I suspect you probably soon will.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Two problems here, the persistent umbilical cord and difference in preference for pets.

The first one is no good, and can mess up your marriage a bunch of ways. He probably doesn't realize he does it, so bringing little things to his attention to make him aware might work best. "I wish you didn't tell your mother about all of our disagreements", "I know your family didn't do it that way, but lots of people like it, did you ever think about it?". It's a common problem and MC can help.

As for the second, I'm a dog fanatic and will admit not wanting a dog doesn't make someone a terrible spouse(just unsuitable for me). It's a bigger deal than a fish or a hamster. But it's also a big thing for the other to do without. I suppose MC could help, but not as long as he's beholden to the folks.

I had a relative who dated a guy who told her she had to get rid of her dog. She said the hard part was not laughing until he finished talking, at which point she told him which one of them she was getting rid of.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> I think that you would rather have a puppy than a husband. I suspect you probably soon will.


I love my dogs way better than the X as it turns out! lt was a wonderful choice for me. lol 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Tammy0823 said:


> I've had fish. Totally different from a dog.


Of course they are different. You said you want a pet and you are home in the evenings.

A puppy needs a lot of attention. They need to be let out to pee, they need play time, they chew up stuff, it's just like having a baby.

Even if they are in a kennel during the day, you come home and have to clean up the mess. I understand why someone wouldn't like a dog. It's extra work at home.

I also understand there are people who don't like pets. And that's ok. You have to decide what's more important to you. 

If my husband asked if he can get a cat, I would say no way Jose! Me and a cat can not live under the same roof.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

pastasauce79 said:


> I would choose a different kind of pet first.


Maybe an alpaca?

Sorry, but seriously, there are a few red flags going on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tammy0823 said:


> Nooo, we dont live with his parents. He tells them everything and listens to everything they say. Especially his mother. I love his parents, but he tells them EVERYTHING


So are you saying that while his parents do not live with you, they control what happens in you own home?

How old are you and your husband?

How long have you been married?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that you are home at night. Does that mean that you have a job during the day? Or are you a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM)?

You also said that your husband it gone much of the time. Where does he go when he's not at work?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

SpinyNorman said:


> I had a relative who dated a guy who told her she had to get rid of her dog. She said the hard part was not laughing until he finished talking, at which point she told him which one of them she was getting rid of.


That'd be me! Hahaha! I would NEVER get rid of my pets for anyone. My response to a man who told me I had to would be "We'll miss you, don't let the door hit your butt on the way out".



pastasauce79 said:


> If my husband asked if he can get a cat, I would say no way Jose! Me and a cat can not live under the same roof.


Surely you'd try to compromise?

OP, the biggest problem you have here isn't your husbands resistance to getting a dog. It's not even his parents. It's HIM. He MUST stop sharing everything with his parents, and he needs to stop it now. He's a married man for god sake. Time to grow up now.


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## jimmyrich (Apr 10, 2020)

After reading all of your responses, I can see that there is a lot more wrong in your marriage than just the pet thing. I'd get into marriage counseling or pack up and leave. No point wasting your whole life being stuck with someone who is NOT your friend and probably never will be. The other thing is that such an unhappy marriage is very DAMAGING to your children so that's even more reason to fix the marriage or get out before you DAMAGE your kid(s) even more. I say this because of coming from a broken home.


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> His parent dictate your house. That's sad. I don't have much to say. Something like that doesn't change overnight. You two have to sit down and discuss the dynamics in your marriage. But don't expect something like this to change. If this is something that continues to bother you then you need to think about living with it or changing your situation.


FACTS! Mommas boy.


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

Mr. Nail said:


> I think that you would rather have a puppy than a husband. I suspect you probably soon will.


It's a possibility


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> Two problems here, the persistent umbilical cord and difference in preference for pets.
> 
> The first one is no good, and can mess up your marriage a bunch of ways. He probably doesn't realize he does it, so bringing little things to his attention to make him aware might work best. "I wish you didn't tell your mother about all of our disagreements", "I know your family didn't do it that way, but lots of people like it, did you ever think about it?". It's a common problem and MC can help.
> 
> ...


I have told him about him telling his parents everything that goes on in this house. Its useless


pastasauce79 said:


> Of course they are different. You said you want a pet and you are home in the evenings.
> 
> A puppy needs a lot of attention. They need to be let out to pee, they need play time, they chew up stuff, it's just like having a baby.
> 
> ...


Gotcha


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

Elizabeth001 said:


> I love my dogs way better than the X as it turns out! lt was a wonderful choice for me. lol
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Lololol, you know


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

CharlieParker said:


> Maybe an alpaca?
> 
> Sorry, but seriously, there are a few red flags going on.


Lolool. Of course their is. What do you see?


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> So are you saying that while his parents do not live with you, they control what happens in you own home?
> 
> How old are you and your husband?
> 
> How long have you been married?


Pretty much. He runs to his momma for everything. His father comes down and cut the grass, when someone comes to fix stuff, his father is the one that brings them in while husband work. Like he really depends on them. W


EleGirl said:


> So are you saying that while his parents do not live with you, they control what happens in you own home?
> 
> How old are you and your husband?
> 
> How long have you been married?


Pretty much. He runs to his momma for everything. His father comes down and cut the grass, when someone comes to fix stuff, his father is the one that brings them in while husband work. Like he really depends on them. We are in our 40's and have been married for 5 years


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> You say that you are home at night. Does that mean that you have a job during the day? Or are you a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM)?
> 
> You also said that your husband it gone much of the time. Where does he go when he's not at work?


I work during the day. He works 2 jobs. Only off on Saturday


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

frusdil said:


> That'd be me! Hahaha! I would NEVER get rid of my pets for anyone. My response to a man who told me I had to would be "We'll miss you, don't let the door hit your butt on the way out".
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That's one red flag I should of paid attention too, him telling his parents EVERYTHING! They know everything good and bad that happens and every bodies business. That's why I dont even share certain things anymore, because I know his parents will know too


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

jimmyrich said:


> After reading all of your responses, I can see that there is a lot more wrong in your marriage than just the pet thing. I'd get into marriage counseling or pack up and leave. No point wasting your whole life being stuck with someone who is NOT your friend and probably never will be. The other thing is that such an unhappy marriage is very DAMAGING to your children so that's even more reason to fix the marriage or get out before you DAMAGE your kid(s) even more. I say this because of coming from a broken home.


And your absolutely right. We dont have kids together. He has a grown daughter with a baby that lives here and I have a teen. I think I'm beyond marriage counseling with this marriage


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, DO NOT get a dog. GET a Marriage Counselor. Obviously YOU have a lot of issues with him being a Momma's boy and not being the leader in his own house. You also have a lot of resentment that he talks about things that should be ONLY between the two of you, with his parents (which I agree with BTW -- he should not be doing that). 

These are things that need to be discussed and have a 3rd party moderate the conversation. You hold a ton of resentment.

Work on the marriage FIRST. If you are willing to divorce because he won't allow a dog in the house, what does that REALLY tell you? You need to work on that first.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

jlg07 said:


> So, DO NOT get a dog. GET a Marriage Counselor. Obviously YOU have a lot of issues with him being a Momma's boy and not being the leader in his own house. You also have a lot of resentment that he talks about things that should be ONLY between the two of you, with his parents (which I agree with BTW -- he should not be doing that).
> 
> These are things that need to be discussed and have a 3rd party moderate the conversation. You hold a ton of resentment.
> 
> Work on the marriage FIRST. If you are willing to divorce because he won't allow a dog in the house, what does that REALLY tell you? You need to work on that first.


It tells me that this marriage is a bust and counseling would be a waste of time & money. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

His parents don't sound that bad, Dad does helpful stuff. It isn't their fault he can't keep his mouth shut. So if you can get him to wise up, you might get rid of that pesky umbilical cord. That doesn't mean he'll want a dog, but if his thought process goes beyond "What would Mom & Dad do?" there is a chance. And, it could do a lot of good elsewhere in the marriage.

This is a pretty classic problem, and often people don't realize they're doing it. Try to frame it that way to him and to get him to MC.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Elizabeth001 said:


> It tells me that this marriage is a bust and counseling would be a waste of time & money.
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


People can and do change. I don't think all the avenues have been exhausted yet, so this level of certainty isn't justified.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> If my husband asked if he can get a cat, I would say no way Jose! Me and a cat can not live under the same roof.


Spouse is a cat person, I am a dog person. 

Where we're the same is, we love that the other person gets to have their buddy.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> Spouse is a cat person, I am a dog person.
> 
> Where we're the same is, we love that the other person gets to have their buddy.


I'm lucky my husband is allergic to cats! Lol!


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

Elizabeth001 said:


> It tells me that this marriage is a bust and counseling would be a waste of time & money.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


My thoughts exactly! That's why I havent wasted my time. He is a great man, but some where in his past has truly messed his mindset up. I really couldn't ask for a better husband, but his ways, and mindset has messed him up for life. I'm sure it's why his first wife left.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

frusdil said:


> OP, the biggest problem you have here isn't your husbands resistance to getting a dog. It's not even his parents. It's HIM. He MUST stop sharing everything with his parents, and he needs to stop it now. He's a married man for god sake. Time to grow up now.


Yeah, this.

You can pay an MC to tell him this, if you think it will help.


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> So, DO NOT get a dog. GET a Marriage Counselor. Obviously YOU have a lot of issues with him being a Momma's boy and not being the leader in his own house. You also have a lot of resentment that he talks about things that should be ONLY between the two of you, with his parents (which I agree with BTW -- he should not be doing that).
> 
> These are things that need to be discussed and have a 3rd party moderate the conversation. You hold a ton of resentment.
> 
> Work on the marriage FIRST. If you are willing to divorce because he won't allow a dog in the house, what does that REALLY tell you? You need to work on that first.


It tells me that I'm tired and dont want to be married. I will try MC. Thank you


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## Tammy0823 (Aug 5, 2018)

Laurentium said:


> Yeah, this.
> 
> You can pay an MC to tell him this, if you think it will help.


I dont think he will. I think he has a deep rooted issue


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Tammy0823 said:


> I dont think he will. I think he has a deep rooted issue


People can make big changes(unless they're dead). Of course, they often don't. 

Part of why he is this way is inertia- he grew up w/ M&D, did things their way, the idea of changing never occurred to him. If someone can get him to start thinking out his own choices, who knows.

If you know you don't want to be married to him, MC is a waste. Otherwise, the 3rd party might get him to see what he is and the worm could turn. There are no guarantees. Its your choice, but I will try a lot of things before I dissolve a marriage.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> I'm lucky my husband is allergic to cats! Lol!


Allergies are one of the more compelling reasons to not want a pet in the house. 

My spouse loves her pets and is committed to them, and I love that about her. Happily, the feeling is mutual.


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## Ella-Bee (Apr 18, 2020)

My biggest red flag from this is the fact that you have pretty awful communication issues in your marriage. You mention in one comment that you brought up getting a dog before you were married and he responded negatively. So you knew his feelings about dogs. Yet you still chose to marry him knowing that you wanted a dog and he didn't. 

Which tells me that either:

a) dogs aren't as important to you as you say, and you were ok with marrying someone you knew didn't want them in the house (regardless of his reasons). 
OR 
b) You assumed he should just change his mind to suit you once married, which is incredibly arrogant.

You don't go into a marriage expecting that the other person should change things for you. You can of course ask if they are willing to change BEFORE getting married. Sometimes they will be happy to compromise. Sometimes not. But you can't then get annoyed when they clearly tell you they don't want something in their life and you choose to marry them anyway. That's on you I'm afraid.

I would suggest counselling, but I think this relationship is beyond that. Just ensure you actually listen to your next partner when they tell you their opinion of something that's important to you.


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