# List of Personality Traits of an Alcoholic



## Penny_Lane

I've been looking for a list of behaviors of alcoholics. Came across a lot of lists of physical symptoms but this one, written by Dr. Cindy Solliday-McRoy, seems to cover it.

Hope it helps.

A list of the traits: 

Idealistic-- Truly believes that, not only is the "ideal" world possible, but that it "should be." They see everyone joined together as one united family. However, they often feel disillusioned and disheartened when the world fails to live up to their Utopian ideals. Feelings of Being Lost & Alone in a cold harsh world. 
Lacking a sense of belonging and feelings of self-worth. Life lacks luster and joy. 
Inadequacy-- never feels "good enough." 

Hypersensitive physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Feels things much deeper than most. Takes things very personally. Deeply affected by other peoples emotions as well as any variety of other environmental influences -- most notably negative and/or toxic ones. 

Perfectionist standards.- There is a "Right Way"and that's my way! Tendencies toward all-or-nothing, black-or-white thinking. 
Low Frustration and Tolerance levels - Easily upset and knocked off balance. 

Lives on the edge - Often engages is risky behaviors. Thrill seeker. Adrenaline junky. Seems to be "hell bent" in stuck in a "self-destructive" mode.

Fearful - Tends to worry a lot. Anxious, agitated, and afraid of what negative or painful live event may be coming their way next. 
Impulsive - Often acts out before really thinking it through. 

Defiant - Doesn't like being "told what to do." Thwarts Authority and rebels against "the status quo." 

Non-Conformist - Always seems to "march to the beat of a different drum. " "Different" Just doesn't seem to "fit in." Not "like the rest." 
Arrogant - Can come off as quite condescending and "full of it" at times. 
Angry - Has an explosive temper. Volatile Emotions and often acts out in violent ways. 

Resentful - of, oh, so many people... Carries a long list of resentments towards all people who have let them down and hurt them "along the way." Unable to Forgive. Unable to let go of all the negative things that have happened to them, or the negative feelings they carry inside. Just can't seem to accept people, place, things, and situations as they are. 

Restless, Irritable, Discontent - Life is a painful, unpleasant journey for them. 
Self-Blame - Deep down inside, blames her/his self for "everything" that's gone wrong. 

Demanding - I want what I want and I want it NOW! 
Dependent - on others to do for them what they cannot seem to do for themselves. 
Defensive - Very guarded and protective of their inner most feelings. Insides Don't Match Outside. What they feel on the inside is often not what you see on the outside.

People Please - in order to keep the focus off themselves and get people to like them. 
Grandiose - at times. Putting on a big show. "The life of the party." "Drama Queen!" "Big man in town!" 

Chameleon - Easily change their persona to match the people and circumstances that surround them. Can "blend right in." 
Compulsive Liar-- have often lost conscious contact with "The Truth." 

Complainers - Highly critical of others and themselves. Very negative in their overall assessments of life. Often their "own worst enemy." 
Fear Failure and Success - and as such, often remain "stuck" where they are. Feel like they "can't win for losing." 

Withdrawn - socially isolated and alone. Even if with others, not really connected. Can't really be "reached." Nobody seems to know what's really going on with them. Feels Apart From Instead of A Part Of-- separate and alone.

Lost & Tortured Soul - wondering through life in "the land of the living dead."
Not Love-Able - Unable to love him or herself or to receive love from others. 
Uses Alcohol to "Escape" - or numb-out the painful experiences of life and fill themselves up with "spirits"


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## movealong

As an alcoholic, I have to laugh at some of the items on the list. I know many people who are not alcoholics that exhibit most, if not all, of these traits. For every trait listed I can give you examples of people that exhibit those traits who do not drink.

I guess this list, to me, is no different than going to WebMD to diagnose the flu, a headache, or a broken arm. You can turn the flu into lung cancer, the headache into a brain tumor, and the broken arm is probably just sprained.

Alcoholics have two choices:
1. Quit, seek help, and live a longer life; or
2. Keep drinking, go to jail, lose their family and livelihood, or die.

The issue is not the trait, but where in their drinking career the alcoholic is. For "most" alcoholics, they need to hit their rock bottom to realize how bad the disease has become. Each alcoholic has their own rock bottom - the place they reach where they are finally willing to seek assistance. For some, that point is easy to reach and they do not lose anything but their self esteem, for others that point comes when they are living behind the grocery store hoping for some not-too-spoiled food to be thrown out, and some, unfortunately, never reach their rock bottom and drink themselves to death.

"_Why do some people drink more than others? And why do some people who drink develop problems, whereas others do not?

Research shows that alcohol use and alcohol-related problems are influenced by individual variations in alcohol metabolism, or the way in which alcohol is broken down and eliminated by the body. Alcohol metabolism is controlled by genetic factors, such as variations in the enzymes that break down alcohol; and environmental factors, such as the amount of alcohol an individual consumes and his or her overall nutrition. Differences in alcohol metabolism may put some people at greater risk for alcohol problems, whereas others may be at least somewhat protected from alcohol’s harmful effects._"

NIAAA Publications

Alcoholics have been described as having an "allergy" to alcohol. But unlike most allergies, it causes us to want more, not less, of what is causing the problem. Without help, it is too much for we alcoholics to overcome. Rarely has an alcoholic stopped drinking and maintained sobriety without some form of recovery program. And for those of us that are genetically predisposed to alcoholism, quitting on our own is foolhearty and near impossible.

So, while I appreciate your list, and it does describe character traits of some alcoholics, it is not a something that an individual can use to diagnose an alcoholic. Thank you for posting it.


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## Penny_Lane

Thanks for the reply.
I agree, the list isn't a diagonistic tool. In living with someone who is an alcoholic, and in researching and dealing with the problem, I rarely came across behavior symptoms/traits.
It was mostly lists of physical stages - increasing health issues, disturbed sleep patterns, etc.

What I found frustrating was I couldn't explain well enough to people who were trying to support me through this, what I had to deal with on a daily basis. The endless malcontent, the victim mindset...all of it.
What happened in my situation was all these traits developed over time. The person I was with wasn't like this to start with.
And I would say he's now 90% like this - it's not just 1 or 2 traits - of which we all have negative issues to struggle with - it's almost all of them. And he doesn't have a bad day, like the rest of us, he has a bad life! Everyday. And trying to talk to these people about their always negative mindset is futile. For non alcoholics, if we're told were being overly negative, we step back and assess that. For alcoholics, you tell them they're being over negative, they'll blame it on everything in the world and then get a drink.
I love my ex husband, adore him. I miss him everyday of my life and it's been heartwrenching to watch this happen to us. We now have nothing. It's all gone. And for non alcoholics, after a loss, most will grieve and reassess, make a new plan and get on with it. But the alcoholic - he goes to have another drink. That's how they pick up their boot straps. His dreams are shattered too.

And certainly, there are genetic markers they've discovered and predispositions to this disease. Consequences to the brains normal function, liver issues, heart issues....on and on.
But in my search, this helped me to see what I was dealing with as a partner. Like trying to problem solve life's issues was impossible with a compulsive liar who feels they are never good enough and has visions of grandiosity combined with a defeatist attitude while escaping into alcohol......and in trying to help them see what was happening, well...you and I know the denial is the forerunner. And all the while the ether is eating away their frontal lobe (amoungest other things) - which the list is basically the consequence of that lobe - the judgement lobe-being damaged slowly but surely.

I found through out the years of coping with this with him, ANY information that i got was helpful. So my intention was to put this here to maybe help someone else who's dealing with this, see that they're not going crazy...and certainly the overriding question is - is your loved one drinking too much? and one goes from there to discover if there's a problem, or not.

What the bottom line is - the disease eats lives and dreams.
Thanks for your thoughts.


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## Syco

Agree with movealong.

Most people i know have those traits.


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## grainofsalt

I drink. A lot. I am not ashamed to admit it, and I do not hide it. It is something that I like to do.

I do not blame my problems on others, and I take full accountability for my own actions, both while drunk or sober.

With that out of the way...

The list is wrong. And I'll explain why...

Drinking is simply an extension of what someone already is, if that makes any sense...

Drinking intensifies most conscious, and even subconscious, thoughts and behavioural patterns. That's why you have the angry drunk, and the happy drunk... They would probably be angry or happy sober also...

If they lie to you while drunk, I can assure you that they are liars while sober also...


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## movealong

grainofsalt said:


> I drink. A lot. I am not ashamed to admit it, and I do not hide it. It is something that I like to do.
> 
> I do not blame my problems on others, and I take full accountability for my own actions, both while drunk or sober.
> 
> With that out of the way...
> 
> The list is wrong. And I'll explain why...
> 
> Drinking is simply an extension of what someone already is, if that makes any sense...
> 
> Drinking intensifies most conscious, and even subconscious, thoughts and behavioural patterns. That's why you have the angry drunk, and the happy drunk... They would probably be angry or happy sober also...
> 
> _*If they lie to you while drunk, I can assure you that they are liars while sober also...*_


I simply disagree. Alcoholics WILL find ways to continue their drinking, whether it is lieing, hiding, or otherwise being deceitful. A normally honest person will do just about anything to hide the embarrassment of being an alcoholic. When sober, a lot of alcoholics are kind, generous, loving people. Not all, but a lot. Things they would never contemplate sober are rationalized to continue their drinking. I appreciate most of your post, but must disagree with the final part.


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## LorenzoP

Here's one of the best place to read about alcoholics and their traits:
Hazelden -- Addiction Treatment Center
I have many books from this site.


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## kitty2013

movealong said:


> I simply disagree. Alcoholics WILL find ways to continue their drinking, whether it is lieing, hiding, or otherwise being deceitful. A normally honest person will do just about anything to hide the embarrassment of being an alcoholic. When sober, a lot of alcoholics are kind, generous, loving people. Not all, but a lot. Things they would never contemplate sober are rationalized to continue their drinking. I appreciate most of your post, but must disagree with the final part.


I think my husband has a drinking problem but I am not sure. 
Is there a way to confirm if he is drunk when he "swears to god" that he does not drink at all?
I smelled alcohol but he said it was from being around his friends. 
I saw beer hiding in the garage. 
I caught him using a coke cup to cover the beer. He acted like he was drinking a coke but it was beer. 
He acted really offensive when I told him that I knew he drunk so stop lying. He hate me for not trusting him, but I think he is drunk all the time. 
It is his choice. I just want him to stop lying to me but he acted like a good man being accused for something he did not do. 
I am confused. Is there a home test that I can just test his alcohol level whenever he drunk so he would stop lying?


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## somethingelse

This is just me ranting...but I think saying that All alcoholics lie is a misconception. Some lie, yes that's true. But some drink and don't care what others think. Especially when they have someone by their side enabling the drinking and supporting it. The people I know, who are most definitely alcoholics (because of the massive amount of alcohol consumed during the week), do not hide their drinking, nor do they think they are alcoholics; Simply because they think that in order to be an alcoholic, they would have to hide it too. So in saying someone has to lie in order to be an alcoholic is a lie in itself. It also gives someone a reason to say "well I don't hide my drinking, so I'm not an alcoholic". I've heard that one so many times.


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## KathyBatesel

kitty2013 said:


> I think my husband has a drinking problem but I am not sure.
> Is there a way to confirm if he is drunk when he "swears to god" that he does not drink at all?
> I smelled alcohol but he said it was from being around his friends.
> I saw beer hiding in the garage.
> I caught him using a coke cup to cover the beer. He acted like he was drinking a coke but it was beer.
> He acted really offensive when I told him that I knew he drunk so stop lying. He hate me for not trusting him, but I think he is drunk all the time.
> It is his choice. I just want him to stop lying to me but he acted like a good man being accused for something he did not do.
> I am confused. Is there a home test that I can just test his alcohol level whenever he drunk so he would stop lying?


There's not a home test, but there IS an old saying: If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it's probably a duck.


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