# I need help getting my wife to move past my cheating



## kylo (Jan 12, 2016)

I am here because I cheated on my wife 9 months ago and she is having trouble moving past it. I'm 42 and she is 33. We've been married 2 years and we have a 4 year old son together. Early last year, here younger sister moved in with us since she was having money problems and got laid off. I swear to God that I never pursued her sister first. Anyway, I began to grow close to her since we often spent a lot of time home alone and we shared some of the same interests. She told me that I'm a good man and that she would be all over me if I wasn't already married to her sister. She also shared with me that she has trouble finding men that interest her and she was also a virgin. I tried to fight the urges and signals that she kept throwing at me but eventually, I gave in. We began to have sex almost daily while my wife was at work. Now let me explain something before I get jumped on since it seems like my wife has an issue with this. Before, I was a husband and a father, I was a man. I was born a man and I'll be a man until i die. With that being said, there's simply nothing my wife could have done to prevent this. I don't know what she expected to happen when she knows her sister is home with me and she is a younger and more attractive version of my wife. I have urges as a man and being a father or husband doesn't supersede those feelings. So, Eventually, we got caught together. My wife left her access card at home and came back to find us together in the bedroom. Of course she was hurt and she has every right to be. I'm truly sorry for what happened but I don't regret anything since I'm only human.

So we put money up for her sister to get her own place and we've been trying to work on our marriage. She says that she has forgiven me which is only right since she knows that I'm a good man and she could never replace me. I also told her that she should be happy that her sister lost her virginity to someone she knows and not to just some random thug in the street. Anyway, she keeps saying she forgives me but she doesn't act like it. She randomly goes through bouts of crying. During the holiday period, her sister visited alone with other family members and my wife watched us like a hawk the entire time. I keep telling her that what happened, happened. She needs to get over it so we can move on to brighter things. The feeling isn't the same anymore and although I hate to leave her, I think she won't leave me any choice if she continues to be stubborn and keep bringing this up. She often acts depressed and lonely and that always kills my mood too. I don't know if she needs professional help or maybe there is some book she can read that will help her move on. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope trying to convince her to move on but she is still stuck on the past. I know I don't have all the answers but I really want to help her since I still love her and I'm sorry that things went down like this. So what should I do next for her?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I don't know what she expected to happen when she knows her sister is home with me and she is a younger and more attractive version of my wife. I have urges as a man and being a father or husband doesn't supersede those feelings. So, Eventually, we got caught together. My wife left her access card at home and came back to find us together in the bedroom. Of course she was hurt and she has every right to be. I'm truly sorry for what happened but I don't regret anything since I'm only human.

She will never be able to move past it because of this right here.

My H cheated 7 months ago, I have moved forward with him because he
a) would never blame it on being a man
b) would never say she was more attractive
c) regrets it deeply

You should just leave, she will never be able to give you what you are looking for because you don't have it in you to help get her there.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

kylo said:


> I am here because I cheated on my wife 9 months ago and she is having trouble moving past it. I'm 42 and she is 33. We've been married 2 years and we have a 4 year old son together. Early last year, here younger sister moved in with us since she was having money problems and got laid off. I swear to God that I never pursued her sister first. Anyway, I began to grow close to her since we often spent a lot of time home alone and we shared some of the same interests. She told me that I'm a good man and that she would be all over me if I wasn't already married to her sister. She also shared with me that she has trouble finding men that interest her and she was also a virgin. I tried to fight the urges and signals that she kept throwing at me but eventually, I gave in. We began to have sex almost daily while my wife was at work. *Now let me explain something before I get jumped on since it seems like my wife has an issue with this. Before, I was a husband and a father, I was a man. I was born a man and I'll be a man until i die. With that being said, there's simply nothing my wife could have done to prevent this. I don't know what she expected to happen when she knows her sister is home with me and she is a younger and more attractive version of my wife. I have urges as a man and being a father or husband doesn't supersede those feelings.* So, Eventually, we got caught together. My wife left her access card at home and came back to find us together in the bedroom. Of course she was hurt and she has every right to be. I'm truly sorry for what happened but I don't regret anything since I'm only human.
> 
> So we put money up for her sister to get her own place and we've been trying to work on our marriage. *She says that she has forgiven me which is only right since she knows that I'm a good man and she could never replace me. I also told her that she should be happy that her sister lost her virginity to someone she knows and not to just some random thug in the street.* Anyway, she keeps saying she forgives me but she doesn't act like it. She randomly goes through bouts of crying. *During the holiday period, her sister visited alone with other family members and my wife watched us like a hawk the entire time. I keep telling her that what happened, happened. She needs to get over it so we can move on to brighter things. The feeling isn't the same anymore and although I hate to leave her, I think she won't leave me any choice if she continues to be stubborn and keep bringing this up. *She often acts depressed and lonely and that always kills my mood too. I don't know if she needs professional help or maybe there is some book she can read that will help her move on. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope trying to convince her to move on but she is still stuck on the past. I know I don't have all the answers but I really want to help her since I still love her and I'm sorry that things went down like this. So what should I do next for her?


LOL.

Good luck, "Good Man".


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## kylo (Jan 12, 2016)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I don't know what she expected to happen when she knows her sister is home with me and she is a younger and more attractive version of my wife. I have urges as a man and being a father or husband doesn't supersede those feelings. So, Eventually, we got caught together. My wife left her access card at home and came back to find us together in the bedroom. Of course she was hurt and she has every right to be. I'm truly sorry for what happened but I don't regret anything since I'm only human.
> 
> She will never be able to move past it because of this right here.
> 
> ...


Why should I try to rebuild the relationship based on a lie? She knows her sister is more attractive and she knows that being a man is part of the reason that got us here. Why would I make up some BS excuse for my behavior? I know I was in the wrong but my heart is clean because I told her exactly why I did it. I don't want to keep anymore secrets from her whether they are good or bad which is why I just preferred to be blunt and tell her why I did it.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I wouldn't feed this one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

I am a man too my friend but I would never do that to my girlfriend or wife.

If I am not happy in my relationship I would talk to her or move on.

You hurt your wife so much and what is even worse it was with her sister.

You also said YOU DONT REGRET IT. What is wrong with you ???


I feel sorry for your wife and I hope one day she will feel allright. If she was here on TAM I would tell her to Divorce you and run away from you.


What have you done for your wife to show her you are sorry and you will never do this again ?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

kylo said:


> Why should I try to rebuild the relationship based on a lie? She knows her sister is more attractive and she knows that being a man is part of the reason that got us here. Why would I make up some BS excuse for my behavior? I know I was in the wrong but my heart is clean because I told her exactly why I did it. I don't want to keep anymore secrets from her whether they are good or bad which is why I just preferred to be blunt and tell her why I did it.


You being a man and her being attractive are _not _why you cheated. Until you can figure that out, and figure out why you did, you can not reconcile with your wife. 

Maybe some therapy for you to help get to the bottom of it? Something seems pretty broken for you to be so heartless about ruining your marriage and you're wife's family. Your wife should never trust you again.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I think you need therapy more than your wife, sleeping with her sister and then not one ounce of regret. If all men thought like you, no marriage would be safe.

I feel for your wife, you cheated so you have no right to tell her to just get over it and now you are thinking of leaving her because you think that because you are a man that gave you a right to sleep with her younger prettier virgin sister, shamed is what you should be. 

I'm wowed at the fact that you feel you are right in doing this because of your gender, get over yourself.


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## kylo (Jan 12, 2016)

Be smart said:


> I am a man too my friend but I would never do that to my girlfriend or wife.
> 
> If I am not happy in my relationship I would talk to her or move on.
> 
> ...


Well for starters, I'm here trying to get help for her. Not to mention that I've been going out of my way to try to make her feel adequate and loved again. I've also given her full disclosure of my email and text messages. She knows that I don't keep in contact with her sister or any other woman for that matter. I just feel like I'm going out of my way for her to get over this and she doesn't appreciate it.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

kylo said:


> Well for starters, I'm here trying to get help for her. Not to mention that I've been going out of my way to try to make her feel adequate and loved again. I've also given her full disclosure of my email and text messages. She knows that I don't keep in contact with her sister or any other woman for that matter. I just feel like I'm going out of my way for her to get over this and she doesn't appreciate it.


First of all you need to help yourself.

Read your posts and you will see what I am talking about.

Arent you a little sorry for pain you caused for your wife,son,her sister and both of you familys ???


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

kylo said:


> Well for starters, I'm here trying to get help for her. Not to mention that I've been going out of my way to try to make her feel adequate and loved again. I've also given her full disclosure of my email and text messages. She knows that I don't keep in contact with her sister or any other woman for that matter. I just feel like I'm going out of my way for her to get over this and she doesn't appreciate it.


Sounds like she's pretty ungrateful.

You should probably just leave her.

LOL.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Bye Felicia.

Sent from my SM-G900P using Tapatalk


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## Annie123 (Apr 27, 2015)




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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I didn't even read past the first paragraph. You don't know what your wife expected because you're a man? And you have no regrets?

Wow. Just wow.

Divorce your wife now. She deserves better than you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Hey @kylo, I also have a penis.

What should I do the next time the pretty young girl at the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru window compliments my eyes?


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Hey @kylo, I also have a penis.
> 
> What should I do the next time the pretty young girl at the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru window compliments my eyes?


Screw her incessantly. After all, you're a man right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

OP, you should attempt suicide, and then your wife should say right after, that you should just get over it and move on.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Strangely good entertainment.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

alte Dame said:


> Strangely good entertainment.


It would be if it wasn't pissing me off so badly! I so want to go all keyboard warrior on his a$$. Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

That would be fun to see.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Listen OP, you're triggering me badly right now. I'd like to reach through my screen and choke you, honestly. 

I'm a wayward spouse. And I'd give my life to have my husband give me half the chance your wife is giving you. 

You are selfish, you're unremorseful, and I have to say, you are NOT a good man if this is how you view your wife and your life. 

Yes, you may have a penis. And you may be very hormonally driven sexually towards women. But at the end of the day, you had a CHOICE whether or not to stick your penis in another woman.

It is not natural to marry one woman and **** another. It's not RIGHT. It's not normal and it's not ok, regardless of what genetalia is swinging between your legs.

You are a cruel man and an abuser. What kind of man tells his wife his sister is more attractive than her? You probably told her since she's had a baby and her sister hadn't and she was a virgin that she had a tighter ***** too. Am I right? 

Your wife is ungrateful? How about YOU look at the fact that your wife is giving you an amazing gift by offering you reconciliation and you're stomping all over it spewing your "reality" at her. Who's ungrateful? 

Your wife is probably staying with you because you've conditioned her to think she doesn't deserve any better. Her attitude is probably less about your cheating than the fact that she's losing herself because you've beaten her into a state of acceptance of this life.

I'm over here dying a slow death losing my marriage and you're dancing all over the **** show you created. You've destroyed your wife, you **** on your family, you stomped on your vows, you have zero integrity, your moral compass is broken and you've likely damaged your marriage to a point it will never come back from. And YOU can't deal with the fact she can't get over it?

How can you help her get over it? By being a REAL man and either owning your **** or by leaving her so she has the chance to actually experience REAL love and not this abuse you subject her to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Your ego is pretty stunning.

And BTW, your definition of a man and mine are clearly drastically different.

Why should she move past it? You don't sound like you have one ounce of remorse.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I hear hypnosis might be effective. Accupuncture? 

I just don't know a sure-fire cure for ungratefulness. 

The nerve of your wife moving in her sexy sister right on front of your good-manly nose, and expecting you not to boink her!! Geez, is she crazy?

That's what the problem is, she is crazy and ungrateful.

I'd tell you to just move on, but since you're such a good man and all, and since she has no chance of finding a man of your goodness elsewhere; and knowing how selfless you are when it comes to your wife, I think you should just stay with her and tolerate her ungratefulness.

How many sisters does she have? This could become tiresome for you. A good man like you is irresistible after all, and the others may have heard of your manliness and get curious.

I feel for you, bro. Your life is stressful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

You can be forgiven but she will never forget. She will always be suspicious of anything you do out of the ordinary. It takes a long time to regain someone's trust. She has to make an effort to trust you more and you need to not give her any reasons to not trust you. No going out with the boys and coming home late. Keep her informed about where you are as much as you can. Give her the password to your computer and cell phone. If she can track your phone, let her. She can know at least where your phone is. 

I broke up with my first fiancee after 5 years together and 6 months before the wedding. I forgave her but I did not want to live my life being suspicious of everything she did. I travelled overseas a third of the year and since past actions are a good predictor of future actions, I would drive myself crazy being suspicious of what she was doing when I was gone. After all, she proved to me that she cannot be trusted and easily lied to me. Why should I believe that she will change. She might but then again there is a saying that once a cheater, always a cheater, which I found to be very true with the people I know. My two exes who cheated on me, went on to cheat on their husbands too.

You are lucky that she took you back, many women would not but you will have to be on your best behavior for a very long time before you can regain her trust. Good luck.


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## jigga114 (Mar 15, 2015)

This can't be real! No human being can be as callous as OP. That's just not possible. My money is on this being a troll.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Of course it is
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LosingHim said:


> Screw her incessantly. After all, you're a man right?


Sounds like solid reasoning to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

The only solution here is to go for the threesome!


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## kylo (Jan 12, 2016)

LosingHim said:


> Listen OP, you're triggering me badly right now. I'd like to reach through my screen and choke you, honestly.
> 
> I'm a wayward spouse. And I'd give my life to have my husband give me half the chance your wife is giving you.
> 
> ...


Now hang on. I'm nowhere near being cruel and abusive. She asked what made me did it and I simply told her the truth. Now I didn't add this part to the original post but it needs to be said since I'm getting beat up. My wife has let herself go even before she caught me. Before we were married, she would always get dolled up and stay sexy for me. Now she lounges around the house in jogging pants, doesn't shave likes she used to, and doesn't get her hair down like she used to. So WTF does she expect when she is working half ass on her appearance while her sister is basically here throwing it in my face? I'm not saying that she should be competing with her but she figured that since she already had me, she didn't need to do anything to keep me. There is a cause and effect for every decision in life and I live my life based on that since it's the truth.

Yes, I've owned what I did. I'm the one here trying to get her help. ME! If I didn't care about her, I would be out banging other women and not caring about what she thought or felt. I'm bending over backwards here and trying to not take the high road but he isn't appreciating it. It's as simple as that!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jasel said:


> Bye Felicia.


Who is Felicia?


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

kylo said:


> Now hang on. I'm nowhere near being cruel and abusive. She asked what made me did it and I simply told her the truth. Now I didn't add this part to the original post but it needs to be said since I'm getting beat up. My wife has let herself go even before she caught me. Before we were married, she would always get dolled up and stay sexy for me. Now she lounges around the house in jogging pants, doesn't shave likes she used to, and doesn't get her hair down like she used to. So WTF does she expect when she is working half ass on her appearance while her sister is basically here throwing it in my face? I'm not saying that she should be competing with her but she figured that since she already had me, she didn't need to do anything to keep me. There is a cause and effect for every decision in life and I live my life based on that since it's the truth.
> 
> Yes, I've owned what I did. I'm the one here trying to get her help. ME! If I didn't care about her, I would be out banging other women and not caring about what she thought or felt. I'm bending over backwards here and trying to not take the high road but he isn't appreciating it. It's as simple as that!


If you are really not a troll, you are in no way suitable for marriage at this time. You come of spoiled and entitled. That you where not attracted to you wife was YOUR problem to solve and you choose to do that through betrayal rather than compassion and communication. 

That said, sometimes there is another that can be done to overcome infidelity and it just kills any hope for trust and love. Even if the best of circumstances this is possible and with your attitude, it is probable.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

kylo said:


> I am here because I cheated on my wife 9 months ago and she is having trouble moving past it. I'm 42 and she is 33. We've been married 2 years and we have a 4 year old son together. Early last year, here younger sister moved in with us since she was having money problems and got laid off. I swear to God that I never pursued her sister first. Anyway, I began to grow close to her since we often spent a lot of time home alone and we shared some of the same interests. She told me that I'm a good man and that she would be all over me if I wasn't already married to her sister. She also shared with me that she has trouble finding men that interest her and she was also a virgin. I tried to fight the urges and signals that she kept throwing at me but eventually, I gave in. We began to have sex almost daily while my wife was at work. Now let me explain something before I get jumped on since it seems like my wife has an issue with this. Before, I was a husband and a father, I was a man. I was born a man and I'll be a man until i die. With that being said, there's simply nothing my wife could have done to prevent this. I don't know what she expected to happen when she knows her sister is home with me and she is a younger and more attractive version of my wife. I have urges as a man and being a father or husband doesn't supersede those feelings. So, Eventually, we got caught together. My wife left her access card at home and came back to find us together in the bedroom. Of course she was hurt and she has every right to be. I'm truly sorry for what happened but I don't regret anything since I'm only human.
> 
> So we put money up for her sister to get her own place and we've been trying to work on our marriage. She says that she has forgiven me which is only right since she knows that I'm a good man and she could never replace me. I also told her that she should be happy that her sister lost her virginity to someone she knows and not to just some random thug in the street. Anyway, she keeps saying she forgives me but she doesn't act like it. She randomly goes through bouts of crying. During the holiday period, her sister visited alone with other family members and my wife watched us like a hawk the entire time. I keep telling her that what happened, happened. She needs to get over it so we can move on to brighter things. The feeling isn't the same anymore and although I hate to leave her, I think she won't leave me any choice if she continues to be stubborn and keep bringing this up. She often acts depressed and lonely and that always kills my mood too. I don't know if she needs professional help or maybe there is some book she can read that will help her move on. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope trying to convince her to move on but she is still stuck on the past. I know I don't have all the answers but I really want to help her since I still love her and I'm sorry that things went down like this. So what should I do next for her?



You have only been married two years! Don't know what you will be like when it is 22 years, hopefully your wife will have the good sense to dump you before that!

Your wife will never get past it because from what you have wrote alone, you sound like a narcissist who was doing the sister a favour and your wife should get over it because you are so wonderful she should overlook anything you do
e.g.
1. the sister threw herself at you, you couldn't resist, no sense of morality, no sense of right or wrong, no care about your wife, pfft!
2. Because you are a man you have to give into your sexual urges, it is only natural, blah blah blah, what a load of rubbish!
3. it is your wife's fault for not being vigilant and not supervising your with her sister, please stop, you are taking no responsibility at all
4. Being a father and husband is subject to your sexual mores, unbelievable!
5. Your wife should be happy her sister lost her virginity to you! God this couldn't get any worse, you sound like one of those extreme middle eastern men who thinks that women are objects? Are you by any chance from there?
6. Your wife needs to get over it? You have shown no remorse and absolutely no understanding of the damage/pain/hurt caused to your wife. You are selfish and self centered. 
7. It is her fault that things are so bad between you and she had better shape up and accept things and move on otherwise you will leave her. Do you hear yourself, you are self centered prick who only thinks of himself.
I wish we were advising your wife, I would advise her to divorce your a$$, take you for all the money she could and ensure you never see your kid again. You say it is only right she forgives you, really? I think she should forgive you and get rid of you.

You are a self centered misogynist who doesn't deserve to be married. Incidentally how old was the sister, she was probably underage? If so you ought to be reported to the police also.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

kylo said:


> Now hang on. I'm nowhere near being cruel and abusive. She asked what made me did it and I simply told her the truth. Now I didn't add this part to the original post but it needs to be said since I'm getting beat up. My wife has let herself go even before she caught me. Before we were married, she would always get dolled up and stay sexy for me. Now she lounges around the house in jogging pants, doesn't shave likes she used to, and doesn't get her hair down like she used to. So WTF does she expect when she is working half ass on her appearance while her sister is basically here throwing it in my face? I'm not saying that she should be competing with her but she figured that since she already had me, she didn't need to do anything to keep me. There is a cause and effect for every decision in life and I live my life based on that since it's the truth.
> 
> Yes, I've owned what I did. I'm the one here trying to get her help. ME! If I didn't care about her, I would be out banging other women and not caring about what she thought or felt. I'm bending over backwards here and trying to not take the high road but he isn't appreciating it. It's as simple as that!


Your wife should apply the same logic
Cause: you broke her heart because you slept with her sister
Effect: she forgives your but kicks you to the curb (best decision an best effect)


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