# She is married,what to do!!!



## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

I need some advice please!!! here is a quick history: was married for 14 yrs, we got separated 1 1/2 yrs ago. Our marriage was in limbo for a while and it was really stressful... About 4 weeks ago we both decided we should just get a divorce. I was upset for a little while, but then i was really happy. we should have done this a while ago. We will both be good friends. I feel less stressed, and im happy. So now im feeling i want to get moving on. So I joined Eharmony(only legit site ive found), I made a profile, and uploaded a pic. I really didnt put much effort into it, just wanted to see whats out there. Within a day, I was getting a ton of responses, I was like wow, kinda cool. Im not all into myself, and dont think im like a super model, but i dont think im ugly either. So anyways it made me happy and kinda boosted my confidence. So on to my question.... I have attracted alot of womens interest at work recently,maybe due to being more confident and started dressing little nicer. so there is this one girl i work with that really sparks my interest, we totally click in everyway!! we have been shatting on fb messenger every day for hours. We are both totally sexually attracted to each other in the worst way!! The issue is she is married!!!!!!!! we havent had sex yet, but did a few things at work in our stockroom that are bad..we recently talked about her coming over to my house..its like i cant think around here, i cant do my job, always wanna see her etc, the ****ty part is we cant hang out outside of work...(we planned on making that happen some how soon)..And its much more than a booty call with her. We both talked that if she wasnt married, that we would both be together and end up married someday.i also dont want to get fired from my job either, im a manager. it irritates the **** outa me that its like were dating,but just at work, kinda stupid!!also too i dont want to get my heart broken again , for her she can just go back to her husband, for me id having nothing..I told her that too... BUT WHAT do I do...The obvious answer is to stop, shes married!! i asked her one day, are u unhappy with your marriage.. She said they have there ups and downs, and they have been together for so long, she wanted to see what else is out there i guess. im my oppinion, her husband is a ****..ive even thought to myself,ok i am not gonna think of her, gonna focus on meeting someone else,but i revert right back to her.....Do u think its just an obsession, im all screwed up in head,lost a bunch of weight, cuz im not eating right.. I know this may sound lame, but i think i love her...we have been secretly work dating for over a month now,lol.......Anyways, i really appreciate some sound advice, ive used this site before and have had some great feedback, thanks everyone....


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Knock it off before you lose your job and break up a marriage. Be man enough to walk away with your integrity in tact. You're acting like a 15 year old.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

your totally right!! i do feel like i am acting like im in highschool


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## Moulin (Jul 30, 2013)

Break it off. How would you feel if that were your wife? 

Plus, never sh1t where you eat. She can turn it on you and state that you were harassing you and stalking you.

Stop all non-work related contact.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

You're in a *rebound *relationship with a married woman from work, that could get you fired.

Get a grip. No relationships until you get your head back on straight and have healed from your divorce which hasn't even started yet.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Put yourself in her husband's shoes....how would you like it if you wife had acted like THAT during your marriage (more than 1.5 years ago)?

What would you have thought of her?
What would you have thought of him?

If you can't trust this woman to be an upright, honest, adult woman in relation to her husband (to whom she has a SERIOUS commitment) how can you trust her to be upright, honest, adult with YOU? Answer: you can't! She has no integrity and you're helping her have none. She is NOT a good catch (just a sexy one).


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> She said they have there ups and downs, and they have been together for so long, she wanted to see what else is out there i guess. im my oppinion, her husband is a ****.


In the history of cheaters, all of the spouses that are being cheated on are so called a-holes. ALL OF THEM. It's the bs that feeds the affair. 

If things were that bad, she'd leave him and be free to do whatever she wanted. And I have to ask... what is appealing about a woman that tells you she's wanting to see what else is out there? Really? that's attractive? How you start with them is exactly how you end up. She'll cheat on you for the same reason. A woman that would do this is NOT relationship material and you should know better.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

i agree with everyone on here, these are the things i need to here, i have not been using good judgment..I told my sister about her, and she said, ok lets say she leaves her husband and u guys go as far and get married, whats to say that she wouldnt cheat on you some day. I gotta get my **** straightened out, refocus!! Maybe i am still hurting from my marriage, i think im doind good, but maybe just fooling myself


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## Moulin (Jul 30, 2013)

Simple rules to follow:

Don't fool around with married women.
Don't date coworkers. 

Have fun with the large population of women in your area that don't fit in those categories!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

A Bit Much said:


> In the history of cheaters, all of the spouses that are being cheated on are so called a-holes. ALL OF THEM. It's the bs that feeds the affair.


Boy if that isn't the truth. Apparently they are all physically or emotionally abusive and hated by everybody. This of course coming from the cheater or would be cheater. 

You've already cheated with her. Is that the kind of person you want to be?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Bro,
You are a MANAGER at the job where_ she_ works.
Nothing good can come out this except scandal, blackmail, shame and loss of your job.

You have many other options other than her.
Pursue them.
She knows you are vulnerable and is manipulating you.
Start thinking with your brain and not your penis.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Let me guess, everything you know about her husband is from her. The woman who is wanting to have an affair. 

To put that in perspective, ask any Republican what they thought of Bush, or Cheney. Their answer is about as accurate and reliable as the information your getting from this woman. 

There are three sides to this story. Hers, the husband's, and the truth. So far, you got one. 

Also, you sound like you are in some dreamy fantasy that a 14 year old girl would have. Not being able to eat, not thinking straight, always wanting to see her...
And let me guess, you imagine marrying her, and maybe having kids or something, and making love in every room in the house in every position, and that everything will be perfect. 
Until you realize 5, 10, 15 years down the road, that she is wanting to see what is out there (again). And that she has her own kids, and is wanting to take care of them. And her husband goes nuclear on her, and fights for custody, and a legal war is set off. 

I am 21, and I can see this. Does that give you an idea of how foolish you are acting?


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

yep i have to break it off... I appreciate everyones harsh words, i really needed to her all that..its crazy sometimes that u can let a person cloud your judgment like that.....


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Moulin said:


> Simple rules to follow:
> 
> Don't fool around with married women.
> Don't date coworkers.
> ...


so true,buts its funny i met my wife at work,lol i wasnt a mgr then...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

FishKing said:


> Cheating is unforgiveable!!!...... Cheating is a deal breaker in my oppinion. ... I have read the statistics, most people who cheat and are forgiven or dont get caught Will do it again...wish you best of luck


Take your own advice before you **** up someone else's marriage.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> Take your own advice before you **** up someone else's marriage.


He's already [email protected] up someone elses marriage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

YOu separated 4 weeks ago and are already hooking up with a married chick? At your JOB?

Dude, cool your jets. 1. You haven't processed the end of your marriage (that you are still in). 2. She is MARRIED. Repeat, she is MARRIED. 3. Never sh!t where you eat (i.e. bang your colleagues). It will not end well. 4. Pray her husband doesn't come after you.

Sheesh.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> YOu separated 4 weeks ago and are already hooking up with a married chick? At your JOB?
> 
> Dude, cool your jets. 1. You haven't processed the end of your marriage (that you are still in). 2. She is MARRIED. Repeat, she is MARRIED. 3. Never sh!t where you eat (i.e. bang your colleagues). It will not end well. 4. Pray her husband doesn't come after you.
> 
> Sheesh.


They've been separated for a year and a half. Divorce talk 4 weeks ago. The co-worker is very much married and both are cheating.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

I missed the manager part. 

I have a little story for you:
The grocery store I work at got a new manager, a grocery manager, back in May? Or April? But none of us really knew why at first. 

So one day while on my break with the stocking manager (different guy) he let it slip that our new manager had gotten in a relationship with one of the younger workers at the last store he was at. And while this may have been a different problem because he was 46, and the girl was 19, he is pretty much on his last chance. 

He was taken from a high performing store, and earning much more than he is now, and sent to the second lowest performing store. And a grocery manager's salary and bonus is based on how well the store performs. 

Now, that was for hooking up with a single subordinate. And granted, the age difference is what annoyed the owners. 
But instigating an affair is a horrible idea.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> YOu separated 4 weeks ago and are already hooking up with a married chick? At your JOB?
> 
> Dude, cool your jets. 1. You haven't processed the end of your marriage (that you are still in). 2. She is MARRIED. Repeat, she is MARRIED. 3. Never sh!t where you eat (i.e. bang your colleagues). It will not end well. 4. Pray her husband doesn't come after you.
> 
> Sheesh.


separated 1 1/2 yrs ago, but your right


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> Let me guess, everything you know about her husband is from her. The woman who is wanting to have an affair.
> 
> To put that in perspective, ask any Republican what they thought of Bush, or Cheney. Their answer is about as accurate and reliable as the information your getting from this woman.
> 
> ...


your totally right, im being very foolish right now, i thibk part of my issue is that i was in a abusive marriage, and felt so beat down, that when we split up, i thought **** im never gonna meet anyone new. So this girl came along and i thibk i just got sucked in...its just all new i guess, was with my wife for a total of 17 years..


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> He's already [email protected] up someone elses marriage.


You are correct, her husband is probably already wondering why she's distant, pissed at him all the time and rejecting him emotionally and sexually. She's found her new "Soul Mate" so screw her husband. He's ****ed!


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Boy if that isn't the truth. Apparently they are all physically or emotionally abusive and hated by everybody. This of course coming from the cheater or would be cheater.
> 
> You've already cheated with her. Is that the kind of person you want to be?


no, it goes against everything i believe in.when i was together with my wife, i was so faithful to her, and i dont want to become like alot of people and not value my marriage, let alone someone elses.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

FishKing said:


> no, it goes against everything i believe in.when i was together with my wife, i was so faithful to her, and i dont want to become like alot of people and not value my marriage, let alone someone elses.


I hate to break it to you but you have already become "that guy". You not only have had an emotional affair but a physical one at that. What part of that is valuing her marriage?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'll take it a step further and say you should break it off and contact her husband. I think he has a right to know his wife is shopping around. and it might be the reality slap in the face she needs to either get out of her marriage or put more effort into it.

yep shes a cake eater and you would be crazy to get together with her even if she leves her husband. if she can cheat on him without having a problem then she could cheat on you also.

do unto others.........

chalk it up to lessons learned and set the bar higher for your next relationship.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

i have to suck it up and just end it, before it gets even harder, or i lose my job, or her husband comes after me with a machete....


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

FishKing said:


> no, it goes against everything i believe in.when i was together with my wife, i was so faithful to her, and i dont want to become like alot of people and not value my marriage, let alone someone elses.


You are on a brain chemical high right now you have to start going nc as best you can of course that will be tough since you work with her.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Think with your big head and not your little head.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

ya u guys are all correct, i feel much better getting my ass beat up by everyone on here,i needed it. I am going to talk with her when i work with her next, plus i more than likely will be getting a new job(been looking for while), so it will make it easier to end it and move on as i wont be there anymore.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I hate to break it to you but you have already become "that guy". You not only have had an emotional affair but a physical one at that. What part of that is valuing her marriage?


your right!! im a dumb ass for letting it go this far...should have nipped it in the butt right away...


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## BruisedGirl (Apr 4, 2013)

FishKing,

You sound like my brother. He had an affair with a girl that he "couldn't stay away from because she gets me-we talk about everything-we have so much chemistry-she makes me feel alive"... and I could go on for days.

They got busted by his wife, who like a fool sat and waited for him to "figure things out". 

The work affair turned into an everybody knows affair and he was fired from a fantastic job. His wife (SAHM) had to survive on savings. It's hard to find a job these days especially if you've never had one. He moved off with his girl and when the money ran completely out she went back to her husband. 

My brother lost his job and his respect of his family. His older children can barely look at him in the face. My SIL took his sorry tail back. Yes, he's my brother and I love him, but what a douche he is. 

She will probably never leave her husband and if she does it won't be to spend happily ever after with you. You'll never trust her like you think you will.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

FishKing said:


> i have to suck it up and just end it, before it gets even harder, or i lose my job, or her husband comes after me with a machete....


Yeah, the Machete is probably a possibility.

I was going to suggest you punch yourself in the face, just to remind yourself what screwing around with a married woman can result in.

PS here's what I want you to picture, think back to the best years of your marriage, the best memories you have, now imagine that you just found out that your STBXW was doing with another man, what you've done with this woman from work....Now what would you think of that other man.

Now come to the realization....YOU ARE THAT OTHER MAN!!!


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## PM1 (Aug 9, 2011)

It sounds like the thrill of the forbidden is overriding your good judgement and you are in lust, not love. I'd say the group has been pretty kind. Knock it off. 

Unless she is in an abusive or horrible situation (in which case she should be leaving, not messing around) she is an active cheater. He may be the nicest guy around and just not exctiting her right now. Well, what happens when you are the nice guy and not quite so new and forbidden? Cut and run, you had other women interested, some of those must be quality people.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

If I were her H, and I found out it was you, you would be lucky to make it out alive. Think about it. You only know what she has told you about him. I am very much an alpha male and if he is as well and you are found out to be the guy, you are in for a world of hurt or worse.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> I missed the manager part.
> 
> I have a little story for you:


I've got several of those stories to share. A top manager here with 30+ years at the same job was accused of harassment after doing EXACTLY what you're doing. Relationship went sour, she went to HR. 

His office was cleared out days later. You better keep your resume updated, b/c most companies have a less than zero tolerance policy on BS like this.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

BruisedGirl said:


> FishKing,
> 
> You sound like my brother. He had an affair with a girl that he "couldn't stay away from because she gets me-we talk about everything-we have so much chemistry-she makes me feel alive"... and I could go on for days.
> 
> ...


wow thats a really sad story, i dont want to end up like that, and yes it ive thought way ahead and thought she could cheat on me too... She has said what were doing is wrong,but she doesnt feel that bad to stop.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

FishKing said:


> wow thats a really sad story, i dont want to end up like that, and yes it ive thought way ahead and thought she could cheat on me too... *She has said what were doing is wrong,but she doesnt feel that bad to stop*.


That's hot.

NOT.

This woman is no good. She'll bring you down with her if you don't end it right now.


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## hereinthemidwest (Oct 7, 2010)

STOP IT NOW...keep your **** in your pants!!!!!! You wanna be known for home wrecker. SHE'S MARRIED. Someone whos cheats with ya...will cheat on you. GROW UP You are acting like some 16 year old boy who just learned to fuvk. You almost appear to be to be a male*****. You stated you are separated for 1-1/2 years and and agreed 4 weeks ago to divorce. HMMM Thought you couldnt have a profile on E harmony...Unless divorced. So YOU are lying right out of the gate...


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## Moulin (Jul 30, 2013)

FishKing said:


> wow thats a really sad story, i dont want to end up like that, and yes it ive thought way ahead and thought she could cheat on me too... She has said what were doing is wrong,but she doesnt feel that bad to stop.


Just wait until HR gets wind of this - is it worth jeopardizing your job for a piece of ass? 

Break it off now. I wouldn't go nuclear or you're likely to create a scorned woman who WILL file an HR complaint. Exit quickly and quietly, update your resume and be prepared that it may result in termination from your job.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)




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