# I think I'm getting divorced..advice



## EllaB (Jun 1, 2013)

I'm just going to go ahead and write my story, any input or advice appreciated. TiA!
I've been married 13 years and have 2 kids. I've been a very happy, dedicated mom. My husband works a lot, travels a lot, etc. We don't see him much. He is home on weekends and our home is filled with love and joy by the kids and me. He always seems stressed. He has no obligations over the weekend from us. I never nag or give him a honey-do list. He works so hard during the week and I want him to relax and enjoy his entire weekend. Our kids are behaved and amazing. We have a gorgeous home. I'm pretty and fit. I look at our life, his life, and think this is THE DREAM. 
Three weeks ago he was diagnosed with cancer. He was not given a death sentence. In fact it is a cancer that is manageable and curable. I googled info on it and told him we'd get through it and I'd support him any way I could. So obviously he's stressed about his diagnosis. Last Fri night he said he'd be home late. So when midnight rolls around I decide to call his cell. No answer for an hour. Finally he calls me back and says he had to take a plane back from his meeting and was just able to call me. I was annoyed he was that late and said I didn't trust him. He then told me this marriage wouldn't work out and we should divorce. One week before we were planning a family trip to Costa Rica, so this was surprising. He said he was faithful and he knows I'm lonely and he has failed in the emotional aspect of our relationship as he's never here for me. This is actually true, but since I have great kids, friends, activities and he has been a great provider I was able to live without his companionship. It was a trade off and I always knew he worked SO hard that I didn't want to add any more stress to his life. I don't ask for anything and am not high maintenance. He is not working this hard to fulfill my need of things or money. I have told him often I'd live in a shack with him, as long as our family was together. 
It devastated me that he was talking about divorce. I've been beyond devoted to him and our family. I didn't want to divorce when he brought it up and I did not want my kids to go through that. The next day we talked and he said it again. I asked to go to counseling to try and work it out and he said it would not work. I said some pretty convincing stuff and he agreed I made good points and he would book a counselor for us and we should go. So he booked someone for next Wed. Since our talk I have felt like no longer want to stay with him. The way he was so sure we should divorce was very hurtful. I am replaying our marriage. I don't totally trust he's been faithful, although he says he was. Too many times I have no idea where he is. I am pretty, fit and completely devoted to our family. I can't imagine what more he could want. I know it seems like I'm not owning any responsibility , but I truly don't see anything that I could have done to make him feel this way. I'm now feeling very betrayed by him and I don't think it's something I can come back from. I don't feel I want to. So I asked him to cancel the counselor and he didn't want to, so I said I'd go because it would be good to go see a neutral party and talk, no matter which direction we take. It is SO weird that 1 week ago we were planning a vacation and this week I'm ready to move on from this marriage. There is 1 IMPORTANT piece I have to add and this is why I do not trust him. When he was late on Friday night and I couldn't get ahold of him I checked his twitter account his company makes him use, like a lot of companies are doing. I wanted to see if he posted anything that day so I could get a feel for where he was. No tweets. So then I look in his followers and he has a naked, sleazy blonde lady following him. I clicked on her profile and she is just this sleazy person. A couple others are questionable too! I thought..well he's going to say, "You can't help who follows you on twitter." So I looked at 20 of his peer's followers to see if any of them had sleazy girls following. I did not find a single one! Then I thought..maybe these girls follow successful men in hopes of a customer or something. So I clicked on the girls twitter pages and they don't follow any other man like my husband. They mostly have lots of other sleazy girls and some sleaze ball looking guys, with my husband. So I have to come to the conclusion that they KNOW my husband, right?


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

You mentioned twice in your post that you are "pretty and fit". Sounds like you want to emphasize that your husband should have no reason to want to leave you.

Do you think he wants to leave because of sleazy girls? I doubt it.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

The Twitter thing is not something you should be worried about. I NEVER use Twitter, but I have an account. You should see the scamming people "following" me because they are part of a ploy to get you to go to hook up sites or whatever. That stuff is rampant on Twitter. It's true you can't help who follows you.

Don't make that the reason you are suspicious. If you want to D, don't make it because of that - it would be unwise. 

Keep up with the therapy, stay vigilant in looking for stuff, but dismiss this Twitter thing. It's 99% fine.


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## EllaB (Jun 1, 2013)

Thank you, Gabriel. But since I've looked at many of his peers in his line of business and they have not 1 follower of the sort, plus I have looked at the girl's accounts and they do not appear to be following other business men, I do think I have reason to be suspicious. I would gladly dismiss it if it appeared to be common, but I have not found that during my research. Is it on to bring that up in therapy? I feel like I need a neutral party to discuss it, because he will deny and act confused one on one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllaB (Jun 1, 2013)

ALpha, I hear you! I noticed I did that too after I went and re-read it. Also, in retrospect I found it extremely important to put that in, not sure why. So to put it twice maybe says I'm vain or annoying or what? Something to think about. My husband is very vain. He works out and then has to feel his abs all day with his hands. My kids even comment on it. I want it to be clear that neither one of us have let ourselves go, which can happen. However, I think he is much more vain than I am. I tell him how handsome he is all the time. He was heavier at one point and I never thought he was overweight like he did. I would reassure him constantly that he looked great. Anyway..I am thinking about what you said. thx.


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## MadHatter2013 (Jun 2, 2013)

I agree with this post. I'm a female and I constantly get the sleazy girls trying to follow and they eventually get blocked. They are scams as mentioned above.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

EllaB said:


> ALpha, I hear you! I noticed I did that too after I went and re-read it. Also, in retrospect I found it extremely important to put that in, not sure why. So to put it twice maybe says I'm vain or annoying or what? Something to think about. My husband is very vain. He works out and then has to feel his abs all day with his hands. My kids even comment on it. I want it to be clear that neither one of us have let ourselves go, which can happen. However, I think he is much more vain than I am. I tell him how handsome he is all the time. He was heavier at one point and I never thought he was overweight like he did. I would reassure him constantly that he looked great. Anyway..I am thinking about what you said. thx.


So Ella, why do you think your husband wants to leave you?


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## EllaB (Jun 1, 2013)

I'll start by telling you what he says. He says I've been devoted and have done nothing wrong, but he knows he has not been a good husband emotionally. He says he feels crazy. He told me I deserve better and I'm still young and can easily move on. Not to pat myself on the back, but that is all true. I have been spending years loving my family and being devoted and he works nonstop.. Out of town. We hardly see him. It's lonely, but I'm lonelier when he's here. I have been yearning for him to love me and for him to want to spend time with me. So while I would have gone my life making the best if what I have I would never have initiated divorce. When he did, it was so hurtful, then a couple days later I stopped feeling hurt and angry and feel ready to move on. But I worry about our kids. They only know a happy home where they don't see dad much. I guess things won't change much if we divorce, except Dad doesn't sleep here on weekends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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