# I wish there was a handbook for love.



## Apples123 (Nov 1, 2013)

Hi guys, I'm kind of new here and could really use some help!

My ex and I were together for two and a half years.. We both did some bad things.. First he pulled away, I chased after him for a few months doing everything I could to win his heart back, then I felt neglected so then I pulled away, then he came back but I was emotionally unavailable but stayed with him anyway because I was confused. I hurt him by doing a lot of things with work that he didn't like (first I was a stripper, then a nude housekeeper, then a no sexual contact dominatrix. [I never cheated but obviously it hurt him really bad]). I swear I never cheated (although I know he feels like I did). At the time I didn't really care that he didn't like it because I was lost and confused about life so eventually I broke up with him and we split ways for a couple months. 
He came back and we started dating again... I was also really bad at communicating and fixing problems (I never had the best examples in my life, I know, no excuse, but I just started learning how to love), so he did something that really hurt me, we split up, I kissed another guy, I told him about it, he got mad, said I cheated. Then he pulled away. Then at one point I just had enlightenment, started finding myself and realizing what I was doing and realized I loved him and I ****ed up in a lot of ways.

So I start working really hard to fix things.. He says he wants to fix things but puts in no effort. It had always been a big problem for me that I never got to see him.. So I said I would work on myself and do everything I could to fix it, but I would need a little give on his part every now and then.. And by that I mean at least once every other week... but he never holds up his end of the bargain, hardly wants to talk to me anymore even through text or phone call.. I'm not even sure what to do or where to go.
I want to fix things very badly, I love him, but I also can't stand to feel neglected.. I also feel a bit emotionally abused lately

There's so much to this story and I feel like I'm lacking in it.. I know by the way I wrote it, it sounds like it's all about me, but I swear it's not, I work very hard to do the things he wants (give him time, change the way I talk, change the way I react to things, be patient, other things). I can't help but feel like he just doesn't love me anymore and even though he says he wants to work on things, he doesn't.
He promised to come see me one day, but was too sick to come over (understandable.. sort of. He was sick for a week straight, got better for about 3/4 days, then got sick again continuing for another week), but we had this planned out for a couple weeks, he had sent two texts to me in three days.. Then sent me a text to tell me he wasn't coming that day.. So I asked for at least a phone call to show me he was truly sorry and he wouldn't even give me that.

Does anyone have any tips or opinions?
Honest opinions, even if I'm being a selfish *****, let me know.


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## biola (Dec 28, 2012)

I don't think this back and forth is doing any of you any favors.They say actions speak louder than words and through is actions he has shown he isn't into you anymore.What I would do is give a deadline on when to patch things up;let's say a month.If there are no improvements by then,it is in the of everyone involved to say their final goodbyes and move on.It may not seem like it now but things will get better for you as long as draw a plan on where uou want to be in a certain timeframe.Goodluck!
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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

The best book ever written on love is the New Testament.

Stretch


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Is he your ex, or your boyfriend? And is it a marriage or bf/gf?

My thoughts... You both need to grow up. And he needs to buy into the fact that a relationship is give and take. If he's not willing to do that, then it's time to let him go. 

Btw... Many guys would not find being a stripper, nude housekeeper, or "non-contact" dominatrix acceptable jobs for a partner. Even if you didn't actually have sex with any of your clients, it's just not acceptable. Especially if that kind of career path wasn't made known to them up front. 

C
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