# I'm done. I give up.



## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

I can't do this 180, I love her too much and don't love myself enough. I slipped up this morning and she totally 180'd my ass. When I called she said she didn't have time to talk, had to go. Right back as square one.

I can't seem to get angry no matter what I do. This is the closest I've felt but I still can't just tell her to F off. I'm weak and I can't take it anymore.

I don't know how you all do what you do. This is awful and not getting better. I will continue to limp along like a punk and she will be happier than ever. 

Sorry, having a little pitty party right now.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Don't worry
I'm crap at the 180 too
Vow to start again every day!
I've adapted it though to my own mini 180. It's desperately hard trying not to have contact with someone who for 18 years I have spoken to or seen every day!
Don't be too harsh on yourself.
Start again 2 morro.
Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Have you used other tactics and seen results? In other words, don't go down cheesless tunnels. If you don't see any positive results in a week or 2, stop, and try something different.

And, are you careful at how you analyze situations? Maybe she really had to go at that time. No chance to talk. Take it for what it's worth?

Use the 180 more for you in helping you get adjusted in the right frame of mind. Acceptance and patience.

I'm scared it would piss my W off and the adversarial relationship would begin, again. Or, it would give her further relief that I have moved on, so she would be even more determined to end our M.

That being said, I told her I'm doing things because I want to, not because I have to. I'm careful not to act like a rug.

Finally, if your W is like mine, she may have serious questions about your future together, but yet STILL proceed to end the M, in spite of your efforts, 180 or not.

Relax. Focus.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

sd, 

dont beat yourself up- it took 7 months of him continually hurting me for me to finally get pissed enough to not want to fix it anymore and do the 180 FOR MYSELF- everyone else in my life kept telling me to kick him out and i didnt- you will reach these points in your own time, not everyone is the same- and to tell you the truth its still hard for me not to talk to him regularly since we were together for 15 years- Do I mess up sometimes still, yes I do. But i can tell you i feel better doing the 180, but its for myself not to get him back.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Until you pick yourself up, you will be in this cycle forever.

Believe me, I know. I was pitiful, weepy, etc...then I said ENOUGH and got my shet together. 

If you can't do it, then you can't do it, but don't complain about how she treats you. You're allowing it and kinda asking for it. Harsh to hear, I know, but if you don't stand up for yourself and set limits and boundaries for yourself, who will?


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

sd212 said:


> I can't do this 180, I love her too much and don't love myself enough. I slipped up this morning and she totally 180'd my ass. When I called she said she didn't have time to talk, had to go. Right back as square one.
> 
> I can't seem to get angry no matter what I do. This is the closest I've felt but I still can't just tell her to F off. I'm weak and I can't take it anymore.
> 
> ...


For 13 months I was an extreme mess. I read every book out there in divorce busting and working on myself. The best thing I've found that is finally helping me is I started going to a national program called Divorce Care. It is a Christian based workshop for separated and divorced people. It really focuses on you becoming codependent and working on yourself. It has a lot of great topics like building self esteem, finances, dealing with your kids if you have them and focusing just on taking care of youto make yourself a better person whether or not things work out with your spouse. It is honestly the first thing that has helped me. I don't know what your background is but if you are interested Google Divorce Care and their website will tell you more about it. Then you can search to see where its offered in your area.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dvejones (Oct 24, 2011)

Hey
Fake it until you make it. Man up and stand tall and act like when you first were going out with her. Nothing fazes you, nothing that happens is a big deal..roll with the punches and show only a happy face. I did this for months and months while dying a little bit each day and everytime I saw my wife. Everytime I would call and it would go to voicemail, I would think she is with someone else or she does not want to talk with me. Your wife was probably busy when you called. Do not read into interactions and dialogue. Take it all at face value. You need to be the type of guy she would want to be with..strong and resilient with character that stands up to adversity and will not crumble. Your kids need you to be strong. They watch how you are reacting to all of this and are learning how to deal with adversity. Smile today since you made it through yesterday. I have had so many dark days that I got tired of it and was ready for some light. If feels better to smile than be sad. Focus on the blessings you do have and not the ones you do not. You have wonderful children and they love you
Do not chase your wife, it shows weakness and smells like desperation. this is not attactive to anyone. I know you can stand tall and be happy but you need to know it first. Smile this is your life.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And for the record, you CAN do this. You just won't. that's ok, but take the responsibility for it.

Mourn, heal and pick yourself up.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

You are all incredible. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


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## yellowsubmarine (Feb 3, 2012)

Here's a suggestion.

If you have a very good friend/family member that is objective, honest... basically someone you can trust with all your issues, run it by them first before calling, sending a text, etc.

Have your thoughts "filtered" through someone that has your back and your best interest at heart - not someone with a hidden agenda


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Also, dont' think that just becuse she talks to you that she wants you back. Don't fall into the web of that mess.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Also, dont' think that just becuse she talks to you that she wants you back. Don't fall into the web of that mess.


That's true. So, how would one know if heading in the right direction, or making progress toward R?


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