# Wife suggested I get a vasectomy.



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I don't want one, at least not yet.

My wife has suggested this a couple of times over the past week or two, and the second time around I told her something along the lines of we need to have more sex first before I consider it.

We don't have sex much. Maybe once every 2-3 months.

I don't think it's fair for her to talk to me about getting one when we are barely having sex to begin with and she hasn't even considered going back on birth control.

She used to be on BC back when we were engaged/married, but she stopped ever since we tried having a child. I don't remember her talking about any ill effects from it. A year or two ago I suggested she get back on it, and her response to me was something along the lines of "You know me, I'd just keep forgetting to take them" (she is bad at remembering to take her daily medication).

We haven't used condoms in a long time, and I stopped because I lost too much sensation.

Are there ways I can get her to try BC again? She was on the pill before, and I told her about I.U.D. type stuff and she says those are really risky (but I think that's a bunch of bull****).

Yea, I do want more sex over all and I'm working on trying to make that happen.


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## Pixel (Jan 10, 2017)

I don't like hormonal BC either, it didn't sit well with me and I know it's the same for other women too. Are you guys still trying for kids? Some people say that once the man has a V the amount they have sex increases because they aren't paranoid about getting knocked up any more


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Don't get one if you don't want one, especially if you think you might divorce her and meet someone else you want to have children with.

Go back to condoms is my advice. They are better than nothing.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

toblerone said:


> Are there ways I can get her to try BC again? She was on the pill before, and I told her about I.U.D. type stuff and she says those are really risky (but I think that's a bunch of bull****).


Is she worried about a hormonal IUD? Does she know there are non-hormonal ones? Served us really.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I would advise against it unless you really need it for BC. YOur wife may not be giving you any choice if she's not going to get back on the pill. I heard they are painful and they don't put you out all the way when you are having it done, you are still conscious. I could never live through that.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Pixel said:


> I don't like hormonal BC either, it didn't sit well with me and I know it's the same for other women too. Are you guys still trying for kids? Some people say that once the man has a V the amount they have sex increases because they aren't paranoid about getting knocked up any more


She didn't have any side effects on the pill before. 

No, we aren't still trying for kids. In fact, she had trouble conceiving and needed to take some medication in order to help her get pregnant.

Yea, I've heard here before that the sex increases because of a lack of risk: but that's a real ****ty reason to get snipped in my opinion. If I were to do it, it would have to be completely separate from whether or not I'd believe I would be having more sex as a result.




CharlieParker said:


> Is she worried about a hormonal IUD? Does she know there are non-hormonal ones? Served us really.


She hasn't expanded on why she thinks they're dangerous. I think it might be partially because she doesn't like things shoved up there (would explain our lack of sex life!)



jb02157 said:


> I would advise against it unless you really need it for BC. YOur wife may not be giving you any choice if she's not going to get back on the pill.


If I were having sex at least once a week, I'd _consider_ it. But we're not; so it is completely out of the question.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

toblerone said:


> She hasn't expanded on why she thinks they're dangerous. I think it might be partially because she doesn't like things shoved up there (would explain our lack of sex life!)


My wife can't feel it (I sometimes hit the string) but the worst part in her opinion is the gyn visit (which explain why she still has hers).


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Another reason I thought she might try going back on the pill is to help with her PMS/period. It seems to last over a week and she complains about really bad cramping a lot. 

I had a girlfriend once who said her cramping was so terrible that the pill was really the only thing that helped.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

toblerone said:


> Another reason I thought she might try going back on the pill is to help with her PMS/period. It seems to last over a week and she complains about really bad cramping a lot.
> 
> I had a girlfriend once who said her cramping was so terrible that the pill was really the only thing that helped.


Tell her to look into diet changes to help this. I have heard of women going from lots of discomfort to literally none when they change their diet.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

There is another thread on this topic started today but opposite. Husband wants a vasectomy but wife does not want him to get one. Two guys should swap spouses.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

toblerone said:


> Another reason I thought she might try going back on the pill is to help with her PMS/period. It seems to last over a week and she complains about really bad cramping a lot.
> 
> I had a girlfriend once who said her cramping was so terrible that the pill was really the only thing that helped.


I was on the pill for a long time and several different brands. The pill, IMO, made me extremely emotional. I was up and down all the time. I had no problems remembering to take it though. I think if she has problems remembering to take pills, then stop trying to push this on her. And yes, you play a role in the birth control situation. Taking her issue with the pill into consideration, she can try the IUD or the arm implant. BC made easy. I have the hormonal IUD and it's been awesome. I rarely have a period anymore (which is kinda weird) and I'm emotionally healthier (big plus). I also have endometriosis and the IUD is great for that. If she's not open to either the IUD or the arm implant, then condoms or you get a vasectomy. Don't put all of the birth control responsibility on her. 

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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Condoms do suck. My grandma used to say, "Its like washing your feet with socks on."

I'm pretty sure my IUD fell out of heaven and bounced into my crotch. It's awesome. Don't really have a period, a risk of pregnancy and zero side effects for me. I can't imagine her expecting you to surgically alter your body before her trying a few other things.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

OP, if her reason for not wanting to go back on the pill is that she'll forget then why not commit to ensuring she takes it daily?

If you think you won't remember either then put a recurring daily alarm.

I know if I forget to take mines, my partner is always there to remind me.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

It's your body, you really shouldn't do something you don't want to do.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Spicy said:


> I'm pretty sure my IUD fell out of heaven and bounced into my crotch. It's awesome. Don't really have a period, a risk of pregnancy and zero side effects for me.


I had to laugh at this! I love my IUD as well. Although I had minor bleeding off and on (alot of on) for the first 6 months or so. But it worked itself out. I like my vagina much more now. 

Op- I don't know how old your wife is (or you), but maybe getting her tubes tied would also be an option. My Obgyn threw that option at me but at the time, it was just too final for me because I had doubts about my decision to have kids. I think now I've accepted it for the most part (and I also would be hesitant to get pregnant at my age). 


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## ZeddsDedBaby (Dec 19, 2016)

Well condoms it is then.
I don't really see the difference in trying to get her to take birth control that can harm her, or her trying to get you to have a vasectomy. 
The pill gives me massive migraines, makes me seriously emotionally unstable and causes the worst cravings for junk food
Comparable to every symptoms of my pregnancies really.
My best friend had her iud slip and get lost and i never want to go through what she did with it. Plus the added procedure of inserting it.
Iv been through countless birth control methods and it doesn't sit right with me at all. 
Iv known many men have the vasectomy done and be at their childrens hockey games the same day. They reported only slight discomfort.

It's really a decision only the two of you can make, but I agree that the responsibility shouldn't land solely on her shoulders. 


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## ZeddsDedBaby (Dec 19, 2016)

Also, why is it you thought complications from the IUD are bullsh*t? 

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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

The procedure is not painful. You are numbed up good just like a dentist would do. You can also request a sedative (Valium for me) if you want.



jb02157 said:


> I would advise against it unless you really need it for BC. YOur wife may not be giving you any choice if she's not going to get back on the pill. I heard they are painful and they don't put you out all the way when you are having it done, you are still conscious. I could never live through that.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

ZeddsDedBaby said:


> Iv been through countless birth control methods and it doesn't sit right with me at all. Iv known many men have the vasectomy done and be at their childrens hockey games the same day. They reported only slight discomfort.


Anybody who does that is going against doctor's order's BTW. You can do that and pay the price for days afterwards.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

toblerone said:


> I don't want one, at least not yet.
> 
> My wife has suggested this a couple of times over the past week or two, and the second time around I told her something along the lines of we need to have more sex first before I consider it.
> 
> ...


I would counter offer a Hysterectomy


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

didnt read other posts so this is just to OP

Dont do it man, dont do it especially if she is the only one bringing it up. Its like the ultimate sh1t test in my opinion. maybe im taking the mmsl book to seriously but NFW would i ever. She takes away the thing that makes you a fully functioning reproducing MAN. dont do it. Id bag it before ever considering the V.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

toblerone said:


> She didn't have any side effects on the pill before.
> 
> No, we aren't still trying for kids. In fact, she had trouble conceiving and needed to take some medication in order to help her get pregnant.
> 
> ...





DTO said:


> The procedure is not painful. You are numbed up good just like a dentist would do. You can also request a sedative (Valium for me) if you want.


After the procedure there is alot of pain. They give you minor painkillers but it's not enough.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Toblerone, 

Simply, no one should permanently alter his or her body unless truly ok with it. It is surgery and that has risks. Anybody who says vasectomy complications don't happen is lying or ignorant of the truth.

Also, in your case I think questioning your wife's motives is wise. You are in an essentially sexless marriage. Unless you are getting clear signs that fear of pregnancy is keeping a lid on it (like you guys have little intercourse but do everything else regularly) then a vasectomy won't increase your activity.

You don't want to forego the ability to have more kids or risk the complications unless you are really okay with it for yourself.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Grapes said:


> didnt read other posts so this is just to OP
> 
> Dont do it man, dont do it especially if she is the only one bringing it up. Its like the ultimate sh1t test in my opinion. maybe im taking the mmsl book to seriously but NFW would i ever. She takes away the thing that makes you a fully functioning reproducing MAN. dont do it. Id bag it before ever considering the V.


A vasectomy is the ultimate sh*t test?

Tell that to the millions of men who have had them and are loving knowing the freedom that they will never get a partner accidentally pregnant.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jb02157 said:


> After the procedure there is alot of pain. They give you minor painkillers but it's not enough.


Please explain. What kind of pain did you have? How soon after surgery? Did your surgeon say there were any issues?

I ask because I had long-term pain. But nothing surgery-related. It took a few days for the issues to present themselves.


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## Hellomynameis (Dec 16, 2016)

Amy hormonal birth control, and hysterectomy, can increase chances of blood clots, heart disease, and certain forms of cancer.

IUDs can potentially have some really nasty complications. Women who have had TSS due to tampon use should never get one.

Vasectomies have been shown in multiple studies to increase risk of prostate cancer.

Condoms suck but they don't make you sick... well, unless you are allergic to latex then you might have to buy the more expensive ones.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

It's probably an excuse. But yeah he can suggest that to see what she says.

My best guess is that Toblerone's wife is making a counter-argument to his own. He thinks he would accept responsibility for the BC if the sex he wanted was there.

HER argument probably is some form of "I don't really care about sex so why would I bother with BC? If he wants sex it's his problem."



Keke24 said:


> OP, if her reason for not wanting to go back on the pill is that she'll forget then why not commit to ensuring she takes it daily?
> 
> If you think you won't remember either then put a recurring daily alarm.
> 
> I know if I forget to take mines, my partner is always there to remind me.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Livvie said:


> A vasectomy is the ultimate sh*t test?


Not. A vasectomy in a technically sexless marriage ("maybe every 2-3 months") is. Or she flat out does not care about him.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> After the procedure there is alot of pain. They give you minor painkillers but it's not enough.


Poor snowflake men.

Guess what ELSE causes a lot of pain? Cysts and fibroids and a HOST of other female problems caused from taking the pill and using hormonal birth control, inserting IUDs and having to go mining for them if the slip out of place, childbirth, 9 months of pregnancy, and a multitude of other maladies that only women suffer from so the snowflakes of the world don't have to do a damned thing but enjoy the ride. Talk about the epitome of selfish.

And whatever fool it was that thought a hysterectomy is anywhere EQUIVALENT to getting a vasectomy, that just proves the mindset I'm talking about.

And of all the men I've known over my lifetime - including my own grown son - all said the pain was minimal after a vasectomy. Not ONE of them said the pain was so bad that even painkillers weren't enough. There are exceptions to every rule, no doubt, but that's not the norm. Pfffft.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Poor snowflake men.
> 
> Guess what ELSE causes a lot of pain? Cysts and fibroids and a HOST of other female problems caused from taking the pill and using hormonal birth control, inserting IUDs and having to go mining for them if the slip out of place, childbirth, 9 months of pregnancy, and a multitude of other maladies that only women suffer from so the snowflakes of the world don't have to do a damned thing but enjoy the ride. Talk about the epitome of selfish.
> 
> ...


Hmmmmmm


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

OP, you are complaining that she is pushing you to do something to your body you don't want to, while simultaneously doing the same to her. Do you not see that?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

jb02157 said:


> After the procedure there is alot of pain. They give you minor painkillers but it's not enough.


Didn't compare to my reversal, not by a long shot. The V itself wouldn't have hurt nearly as much if I wasn't a dumbass and helped move furniture the next day.

I'd get the V, and I'm not sure why you're linking it to the amount of sex you get. That comes across as a little petulant. Instead focus on not having to mess with BC, at least on those occasions you actually have sex. You may well find you have more of it when BC is no longer an issue for your wife.


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## jroz (Nov 12, 2011)

After our 2nd child she asked that I consider a vasectomy. Less intrusive than tying her tubes. Before our 1st child, she took the pill. Pills and the IUD was not a player. Lots of INFO concerning issues.

Not a big fan about getting cut on either. 

Ladies, a lot of fear questions do come into play concerning the manhood! Will my voice change????

Anyway proceeded with the vasectomy.

All I can say is that it turned out as one of best decisions that I have ever made. Our love making went from good to great. She likes me to finish inside and hold her afterwards.

The vasectomy was not too bad throughout the whole ordeal. Took off on a FRI for a long weekend. Directly afterwards, drank 6 shots to continue the buzz. We went shopping afterwards. Surprisingly very little discomfort. A little bit for 1st couple of days. The metal clip stayed on for a week. She made sure all was well during the time. We had a lot of fun providing samples for the post testing.

Today over 25 years later, our love making is fantastic. A great relationship builder that continues for life.

I highly recommend it for a man who feels that he has satisfied his need of population growth.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

toblerone said:


> I don't want one, at least not yet.
> 
> My wife has suggested this a couple of times over the past week or two, and the second time around I told her something along the lines of we need to have more sex first before I consider it.
> 
> ...


I know two women who gad the coil fitted who had terrible problems with them moving to the extent of requiring surgery. 

So there are some genuine problems with them.


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## MartinBeck (Jan 19, 2017)

Don't get a vasectomy expecting it to fix your sexlife. Don't do it based on promises about future increases in frequency of sexual activities. Do it only if you are at the stage in your life where you are absolutely sure you do not want any more children with this or any other woman. 

If she declares "more sexy time after you do it" then I can pretty much guarantee that she will move the goalpost onto something else and you will be seething angry. 

If she ever hints in discussion towards a transactional more-sex-if-you-get-snipped then you state that you need to see 6+ months of effort on her part with condom use , oral, and other non-PIV activities, meeting the frequency you need, before ever entertaining the idea


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

toblerone said:


> Another reason I thought she might try going back on the pill is to help with her PMS/period. It seems to last over a week and she complains about really bad cramping a lot.
> 
> I had a girlfriend once who said her cramping was so terrible that the pill was really the only thing that helped.


Rumor has it, sex helps some women with cramps


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> I would advise against it unless you really need it for BC. YOur wife may not be giving you any choice if she's not going to get back on the pill. I heard they are painful and they don't put you out all the way when you are having it done, you are still conscious. I could never live through that.


 Both my first husband and my present husband had one, they are fine. Just a minor op. 
.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Op - if you're certain you're done having kids then what does the frequency of sex have to do it? It seems you're saying she needs to make it worth your while before considering it. I can't put my feeling into words but is there some gamesmanship going on between you two?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You should not get a vasectomy for any woman that hasn't given you any children. If she doesn't want kids let her get her tubes tied. 

You have never had kids and feel like you don't want any because of her fertility issues but if you divorce and meet a fertile woman, you may desire to have them with her.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Regarding a vasectomy, just tell her "Hell to the no!" Don't even vaguely consider it until you've maxed out on the number of kids that you both want to have!

Go with alternative methods of contraception such as birth control pills, IUD's, and condoms!*


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

This has to be completely your decision. You can take your wife's thoughts into consideration but in the end this is your choice, not her's. 

My husband had one done and at his suggestion and I questioned him for a while if he was sure he wanted to do that. I asked what if I died or we broke up, would you not want kids with your new wife? His response was that four kids was all he would ever want and even if we split up that would not change.

There has been no ill repercussion from the surgery. He had it done on a Friday and was back to work on a Monday. We even had sex 5 days after he had it done, and he was worried that it would be painful but everything works just like before. I must say it is nice and freeing not having to worry about getting pregnant again and I do not feel like him not being able to reproduce is going to increase his likelihood of cheating, if he was going to cheat on me he would do it regardless of whether he had a vasectomy.

You guys are not having sex very frequently, I would stick with condoms for now until you are sure that it is what you want, and as other people have said, don't have one thinking it will increase your sex life.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My ex had one and he was fine. I watched the whole thing.

He was a little sore through the weekend after having it in Friday and went back to work Monday. 

That was it .....nothing else changed. Much faster, easier recovery then I had after giving birth to our kids.

Is there a chance you'll want more kids?


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

DTO said:


> Not. A vasectomy in a technically sexless marriage ("maybe every 2-3 months") is. Or she flat out does not care about him.


I strongly suggested ex get a vasectomy during our sexless marriage. It wasn't out of fear that I'd get pregnant, though. I was terrified he bring a child into the marriage that wasn't mine.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

If you don't have children and want them, then don't do it. Particularly, don't do it on the premise that you may get more sex. That's buying a pig in a poke.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

toblerone said:


> I don't want one, at least not yet.
> 
> My wife has suggested this a couple of times over the past week or two, and the second time around I told her something along the lines of we need to have more sex first before I consider it.
> 
> ...


Are you done having kids? I personally react really, really badly to horomonal BC. We have three kids and we knew we were done. My husband was resistant tp getting his vasectomy, but now that it's all done and his sperm count is zero we're both very happy. The freedom of not worrying about pregnancy has definitely helped our sex life. Have you talked to your wife about why sex is so infrequent? My and my husband's sex life wad abysmal for a very long time. Part of it was fear of getting pregant again. There were others reasons that we're working on, but fear of pregnancy definitely affected it too. Maybe your wife has this concern? 

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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

jb02157 said:


> I would advise against it unless you really need it for BC. YOur wife may not be giving you any choice if she's not going to get back on the pill. I heard they are painful and they don't put you out all the way when you are having it done, you are still conscious. I could never live through that.


My husband said it wasn't bad. He took selfies throughout his so I think he was probable doing ok? And now he is happy as can be. But just like other posters said, if he thinks he may divorce her then don't do it. It should be because he wants to stay with her and they know that they are both 100% done with having kids. 

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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

toblerone said:


> She didn't have any side effects on the pill before.
> 
> No, we aren't still trying for kids. In fact, she had trouble conceiving and needed to take some medication in order to help her get pregnant.
> 
> ...


IUDs can migrate. They've been known to puncture the uterus and cause internal bleeding. I totally understand her fear. The depo shot is ****ing terrible. I tried that too and it made me sick for months. I think you both have reasons to be upset frustrated at this point. 

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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

MarriedDude said:


> I would counter offer a Hysterectomy


The recovery of an abdominal surgery is much, much more complicated then a vasectomy. Women are out for upwards of six weeks following a hysterectomy. Men are bopping around and a day or two following a vasectomy. 

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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

snerg said:


> Rumor has it, sex helps some women with cramps


I can vouch for this 

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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

MartinBeck said:


> Don't get a vasectomy expecting it to fix your sexlife. Don't do it based on promises about future increases in frequency of sexual activities. Do it only if you are at the stage in your life where you are absolutely sure you do not want any more children with this or any other woman.
> 
> If she declares "more sexy time after you do it" then I can pretty much guarantee that she will move the goalpost onto something else and you will be seething angry.
> 
> If she ever hints in discussion towards a transactional more-sex-if-you-get-snipped then you state that you need to see 6+ months of effort on her part with condom use , oral, and other non-PIV activities, meeting the frequency you need, before ever entertaining the idea


I don't agree with holding sex over anyone's head. It should never be manipulative or used as a bargaining tool. I think demanding to see more sex is not the right way to go. Maybe they could go see a sex therapist and move towards a healthy sex life before he entertains getting a vasectomy. 

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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> I heard they are painful and they don't put you out all the way when you are having it done, you are still conscious. I could never live through that.


Everyone pain tolerance is different. I was a lucky winner of having to do it twice. Both procedures were *absolutely* painless and recovery discomfort (a few hours) was a 1 (10 being high pain). Of those people who I personally know who has done it - no one has complained of pain beyond mild post op discomfort.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

You're asking about a vasectomy and yet you only have sex once every few months, something like 4x per year.

I'm thinking of keeping track of all the threads where a poster asks a question about something relatively minor compared to the real problem that's staring them right in the face.


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## ZeddsDedBaby (Dec 19, 2016)

browser said:


> You're asking about a vasectomy and yet you only have sex once every few months, something like 4x per year.
> 
> I'm thinking of keeping track of all the threads where a poster asks a question about something relatively minor compared to the real problem that's staring them right in the face.


I think his selfishness that was portrayed in his original post was probably a good indicator of why there is little sex in the marriage. 

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## Youngster (Sep 5, 2014)

OP,
I had a vasectomy after our second child when I was in my 30's. By my low 40's I started experiencing issues with my prostate. At 50(now) I've had surgery and am on medication. I am fit with a low BMI which is difficult given my muscular build. I eat healthy and exercise regularly. My grandfathers, father, brother and uncles have/had no prostate issues.

I asked a Urologist his thoughts about my prostate problems and my prior vasectomy. His words and I quote "There are no conclusive studies linking vasectomies and your issues. Having said that, due to possible health issues I(the Urologist) would never get a vasectomy."


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mollymolz said:


> IUDs can migrate. They've been known to puncture the uterus and cause internal bleeding. I totally understand her fear. The depo shot is ****ing terrible. I tried that too and it made me sick for months. I think you both have reasons to be upset frustrated at this point.


I had an IUD at one point. It caused me to have 3 week periods. Then I got a horrible infection from it. The doc had to remove it to help clear up the infection. It hurt like hell to have it removed.

They work for some people, and not for others.

My doc told me that he had delivered a lot of babies for women whose IUD's failed to prevent the pregnancy.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I know I will never use BC.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I know I will never use BC.


You've never used any birth control? 

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I know I will never use BC.


WHy not?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I had an IUD at one point. It caused me to have 3 week periods. Then I got a horrible infection from it. The doc had to remove it to help clear up the infection. It hurt like hell to have it removed.
> 
> They work for some people, and not for others.
> 
> My doc told me that he had delivered a lot of babies for women whose IUD's failed to prevent the pregnancy.


 I had an iud for a few years a long time ago. It was fine, and being that I was very fertile(my 3 children were all conceived immediately we started trying for them) I had no pregnancies from it. I am sure they are even better now, this was many years ago. There are so many options now for women and BC.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> WHy not?




Because it didn't agree with me. Bc I gained weight and had mood swings. I don't like putting artificial hormones in my body. There are side effects to every medication, taking BC every single day or whatever to me is unhealthy. Maybe, MAYBE an IUD but even that is pushing it for me. 
I think after what women have been through carrying and birthing a baby, and going through body changes that come with pregnancy the least a man can do is get a vasectomy. 

Come on men.... step it up and take one for the team!


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

katiecrna said:


> Because it didn't agree with me. Bc I gained weight and had mood swings. I don't like putting artificial hormones in my body. There are side effects to every medication, taking BC every single day or whatever to me is unhealthy. Maybe, MAYBE an IUD but even that is pushing it for me.
> I think after what women have been through carrying and birthing a baby, and going through body changes that come with pregnancy the least a man can do is get a vasectomy.
> 
> Come on men.... step it up and take one for the team!


Yup, I feel the same way. Women have already done all the hard work with birth control prior to pregnancy, then we do the pregnancy and birth. Once a couple is done having kids it's the mans turn to take initiative 

Sent from my E2306 using Tapatalk


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

prunus said:


> I strongly suggested ex get a vasectomy during our sexless marriage. It wasn't out of fear that I'd get pregnant, though. I was terrified he bring a child into the marriage that wasn't mine.


So, are you suggesting that the OP's wife is doing this? That is, she just wants to minimize the fallout if he strays? If that is the case, I would understand the thought process. But, it's still wrong to ask someone to alter their body just to avoid future inconvenience.

The only good reason for a lady to suggest to me, or for me to suggest to a lady, surgical sterilization is for us to enjoy a good sex life without fear of pregnancy when no more kids are wanted. Anything else is using someone for one's convenience.


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## Mollymolz (Jan 12, 2017)

DTO said:


> So, are you suggesting that the OP's wife is doing this? That is, she just wants to minimize the fallout if he strays? If that is the case, I would understand the thought process. But, it's still wrong to ask someone to alter their body just to avoid future inconvenience.
> 
> The only good reason for a lady to suggest to me, or for me to suggest to a lady, surgical sterilization is for us to enjoy a good sex life without fear of pregnancy when no more kids are wanted. Anything else is using someone for one's convenience.


I agree with this. If concern for a husband impregnating another a women is your reason for wanting him to get a vasectomy shouldn't you just leave the husband? Quite frankly I'd have no interest in being married to a cheater. 

Sent from my E2306 using Tapatalk


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> Come on men.... step it up and take one for the team!


It's not a matter of "taking one for the team". The fact is that men have only two options - condoms or a vasectomy. If kids are desired in the future, that leaves only one option. Women have many options and lots of women object to condoms as well. Many don't like the latex feeling, don't want the guy pulling out, etc.

There's no good reason to castigate men for the state of medical science.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

DTO said:


> It's not a matter of "taking one for the team". The fact is that men have only two options - condoms or a vasectomy. If kids are desired in the future, that leaves only one option. Women have many options and lots of women object to condoms as well. Many don't like the latex feeling, don't want the guy pulling out, etc.
> 
> 
> 
> There's no good reason to castigate men for the state of medical science.




Castrate?? Come on that's a stretch. Plenty of women tie their tubes and it's way more invasive then what the men have to go through. Suck it up and get snipped.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> Castrate?? Come on that's a stretch. Plenty of women tie their tubes and it's way more invasive then what the men have to go through. Suck it up and get snipped.


 Read it again. He didn't say castrate.

And I think you're out of line to tell him to "suck it up"; he has the right of control over his own body.

Perhaps your misreading of his post betrays your inner bias in this tread? 


I agree with the earlier poster that the REAL problem is that he is only having sex every few months. Since he's not happy with it, that's a sign of damaged relationship. If so, then there may be a good chance that this relationship will not last, and he would be unwise to limit his options for a future spouse who may have better regard for him (and want children).


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Haiku said:


> Everyone pain tolerance is different. I was a lucky winner of having to do it twice. Both procedures were *absolutely* painless and recovery discomfort (a few hours) was a 1 (10 being high pain). Of those people who I personally know who has done it - no one has complained of pain beyond mild post op discomfort.


I've read about many people who had serious pain from it. They also say it's done without general anesthesia. I can't imagine doing it and seeing it go on. Shiver.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Haiku said:


> Everyone pain tolerance is different. I was a lucky winner of having to do it twice. Both procedures were *absolutely* painless and recovery discomfort (a few hours) was a 1 (10 being high pain). Of those people who I personally know who has done it - no one has complained of pain beyond mild post op discomfort.


And if you don't mind answering, Why did you have to do it twice? 

I've wanted my husband to do it and I know he just has issues with any sort of sharp instrument coming near that area (understandably).


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

DTO said:


> So, are you suggesting that the OP's wife is doing this? That is, she just wants to minimize the fallout if he strays? If that is the case, I would understand the thought process. But, it's still wrong to ask someone to alter their body just to avoid future inconvenience.
> 
> The only good reason for a lady to suggest to me, or for me to suggest to a lady, surgical sterilization is for us to enjoy a good sex life without fear of pregnancy when no more kids are wanted. Anything else is using someone for one's convenience.


I am absolutely NOT suggesting that is why the OP's wife is suggesting it. I don't have a clue why she is.

We never had a good sex life (except prior to marriage and while he was cheating). I was just sharing my story.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> DTO said:
> 
> 
> > There's no good reason to castigate men for the state of medical science.
> ...


First of all, I did not say castrate. I saI'd castigate, which means to rebuke rather strongly - exactly what you are doing.

Second of all, I HAVE had a vasectomy. I did it of free will, with my eyes open to the potential for complications. So, even though I had significant pain for almost a year (eventually went away), I don't have any regrets.

I pulled most of the household load with our first and knew nothing had changed during my ex's second pregnancy. So I told her I was done having kids and getting the V to handle the BC responsibilities.

She still was not happy. Turns out she did not care about meeting my needs and wanted a BC choice that fit her agenda. She knew I disliked condoms and figured I would get fed up enough to risk unprotected sex and thus a pregnancy).

So, having been through all that, I am offering sound advice based on experience. I do not have an anti-female agenda and I have put my money where my mouth is.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> I've read about many people who had serious pain from it. They also say it's done without general anesthesia. I can't imagine doing it and seeing it go on. Shiver.


Lol. Both of mine were locals. I'm sorry to say this but it wasn't a big deal. 😡


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> And if you don't mind answering, Why did you have to do it twice?
> 
> I've wanted my husband to do it and I know he just has issues with any sort of sharp instrument coming near that area (understandably).


I had to provide a sample (for counts) several weeks after the first procedure and then again several weeks after that. 

Apparently I was a medical freak (spontaneous reconnection is very rare) because one tube wiggled back and rejoined so I became active again.

The original doctor even cut a piece of the tube out, folded the free ends back and sealed them. 
Not that I'm bragging or anything. Cough...cough...

💪


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Haiku said:


> I had to provide a sample (for counts) several weeks after the first procedure and then again several weeks after that.
> 
> Apparently I was a medical freak (spontaneous reconnection is very rare) because one tube wiggled back and rejoined so I became active again.
> 
> ...


And that might be why surgeons seem to not think much of the open-ended vasectomy.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

toblerone said:


> My wife has suggested this a couple of times over the past week or two, and the second time around *I told her something along the lines of we need to have more sex first before I consider it.*


LOL, perfect answer. I hope you meant that.



toblerone said:


> We don't have sex much. Maybe once every 2-3 months.


Divorce her and stop wasting your life.... plenty of horny women who want sex ALL THE TIME. I've met several post divorce.



toblerone said:


> I don't think it's fair for her to talk to me about getting one when we are barely having sex to begin with and she hasn't even considered going back on birth control.


It's more than unfair, it's downright selfish. She literally just wants to be completely convenienced at your solely expense. 

Sex ONLY on her pitiful schedule, doesn't want to deal with birth control at all, this reeks of zero respect for you. Get out of this crap relationship.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> Because it didn't agree with me. Bc I gained weight and had mood swings. I don't like putting artificial hormones in my body. There are side effects to every medication, taking BC every single day or whatever to me is unhealthy. Maybe, MAYBE an IUD but even that is pushing it for me.
> I think after what women have been through carrying and birthing a baby, and going through body changes that come with pregnancy the least a man can do is get a vasectomy.
> 
> Come on men.... step it up and take one for the team!





katiecrna said:


> Castrate?? Come on that's a stretch. Plenty of women tie their tubes and it's way more invasive then what the men have to go through. Suck it up and get snipped.


As a declared Feminist you are out of line with this argument. You Know that it is the person who's body is to be modified, that is the person who makes the decision. Our Bodies, Our Selves. 

You are way too educated to not know the difference between castigate and castrate.

In this case the OP sees clearly that the relationship is in decline and he may need his full function in the next relationship. I don't see any reason whay a person having sex less than 4 times a month needs a sterilization procedure. If you are going to "Take one for the team," give up sex once a month.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

toblerone said:


> We don't have sex much. Maybe once every 2-3 months.
> 
> I don't think it's fair for her to talk to me about getting one when we are barely having sex to begin with and she hasn't even considered going back on birth control.


Researchers categorize married couple that have sex less than 10 time a years as being in a sexless marriage. By you have sex "once every 2-3 months", you are in a sexless marriage. You are right to say that this is the real issue of the marriage that must addressed first, because long term you may not want to stay in this marriage no matter what you think now, and a V may limit your options in finding a new spouse.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> As a declared Feminist you are out of line with this argument. You Know that it is the person who's body is to be modified, that is the person who makes the decision. Our Bodies, Our Selves.
> 
> You are way too educated to not know the difference between castigate and castrate.
> 
> In this case the OP sees clearly that the relationship is in decline and he may need his full function in the next relationship. I don't see any reason whay a person having sex less than 4 times a month needs a sterilization procedure. If you are going to "Take one for the team," give up sex once a month.




I agree with this post and I think I came across more serious than I meant it. You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do, and everyone has to chose what they want to do with their body. 

I do have the belief that men really should step up and get the vasectomy done. They SHOULD. I will always believe this. But of course they don't have to. Just like I won't consider birth control I get that they don't have to consider a vasectomy. If that's the case then there are other options... track their cycle and pull out or don't have sex around time of ovulation. Of course that is not a full proof plan, there will be risk of pregnancy. 

They have to make this important decision together, while not forcing someone to do something they don't want to do and while being aware of the risks to each. This is nothing but normal adult decision making.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Pixel said:


> I don't like hormonal BC either, it didn't sit well with me and I know it's the same for other women too. Are you guys still trying for kids? Some people say that once the man has a V the amount they have sex increases because they aren't paranoid about getting knocked up any more


I can tell you from experience that this is not the case.

Unless fear of getting pregnant is the only reason for the lack of sex in the first place.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Poor snowflake men....
> 
> And of all the men I've known over my lifetime - including my own grown son - all said the pain was minimal after a vasectomy. Not ONE of them said the pain was so bad that even painkillers weren't enough. There are exceptions to every rule, no doubt, but that's not the norm. Pfffft.


I had fairly major complications due to my V. Two years of stabbing pain & loss of sexual enjoyment. Absolutely everyone in my universe said "easiest thing ever". My wife pressured me big time but in the end it was my decision & I assume all responsibility. Thankfully I have mostly healed, but I will never be the same as before.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Mr. Nail said:


> I don't see any reason whay a person having sex less than 4 times a month needs a sterilization procedure. If you are going to "Take one for the team," give up sex once a month.


Actually more to your point, they are not having sex "4 times a month" or even "once a month". The OP stated that they are only having sex "once every 2-3 months", meaning once every 8 weeks to 13 weeks. That's only 4 to 6 times a year.


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