# need some advice-trying not to be the bad guy



## e.dawne (Mar 7, 2011)

ok-i'll try to make this short. Been together(never married) for almost 9 years. Two boys-7 and 3, wern't together when i got pregnant, he wanted me to end the pregnancy for about 6 months and then 6 months after he was born, he wanted to get back together. then got (accidently) pregnant- told him i couldnt do it without him, and he pretty much told me our relationship then (about 5 years ago-holy time flys) wouldnt/couldnt handle another child. i ended the pregnancy and went through 5 years of personal hell (brought on myself){i went through extensive coucilling that i found myself}. we had another baby because i thought it would be different but it wasnt- at 6months after he was born we went to councilling. we went twice to councilling in about 3 month stints. i have read dozens and dozens of books on relationships and my own issues. he has a temper (nothing violent) but both kids are scared of him and when he gets real mad- i am scared. lol, short story- i moved down to our basement and now he has rearranged master bedroom, to suite his needs. he acts like nothing is wrong, he accuses me of cheating when i am working (or working late) which i could NEVER do, and yet he goes out with his buddys and doesnt tell me and its my fault that im mad. our sex life is gone (mostly cause i want it more than once a month) he has given me one dollar store ring when i was thinking about leaving him, other than that, nothing. i actually want to be on my own but i dont think i could afford it. my oldest has autism and i wouldnt have any help from my family- they see how nice he is on the outside and think im selfish. i dont know what to do. i dont want to waste another 9 or even 2 years in a relationship like this. life is too short to be miserable all the time. neither of us trust each other. i think he still love me but i am not in love with him. i care, but i have tried so hard for so long, i just want some space. what is usually the next step? when i do tell him (ive been telling him for over 7 years i havent been happy) he says its all my fault, im gonna hurt the kids so bad, and he wont let me take the kids away from him, or he wont leave the house so we can have a trial seperation. and idea?? thanks.


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## Confused-Wife (Jan 26, 2011)

People can be so hateful to each other. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any good advice to offer as I'm going through a similar situation (minus the kids) and can't even follow my own advice. 

All we can do is remember that life is short, but not too short. We need to be happy, but consider what we're giving up.

From the outside, it's easy to see that you possibly shouldn't be together, but I don't know all the details and I'm certain there are a ton more details.

Try not to lose yourself again in this whole mess. Be strong to yourself and try not to let his hateful words and actions get to you. 

Have you tried meditation? It has helped me recently.

I hope everything works out for you!


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

You either need to get into and be serious as a couple about MC or start to end this.

This reads like it will only get a lot worse in the future. Change something now.


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