# hey, I've been faithful every since I wasn't faithful



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

*"Hey, I've been faithful every since I wasn't faithful."*

Did anyone else get that kind of nonsense statement spoken to them by their supposedly now faithful spouse?

When pressed on when exactly that shift in attitude occurred, I received a laughable variety of time frames.

My ex said such things with such a genuine looking face of "sincerity."


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Mrs. Gus hit me w/ this once...

"I've always felt like you're too smart for me, and that you're missing out by not being w/ someone smarter."

We weren't that far into our reconciliation at that point in time, but I still managed to refrain from saying, "You know what? I agree."


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Wow... What was your response, Michzz? 

I'd probably said something to the effect of, "Kudos!! Bravo for doing exactly what you promised me you would do all along! I will now give you this gold star." 

I can be a real passive aggressive a-hole though.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Pepper123 said:


> *Wow... What was your response, Michzz? *
> 
> I'd probably said something to the effect of, "Kudos!! Bravo for doing exactly what you promised me you would do all along! I will now give you this gold star."
> 
> I can be a real passive aggressive a-hole though.


I asked her if she wanted a medal.

She also wanted 'credit" for the 16 years of our marriage she was trying to con me into thinking she was faithful. really? As if she really accomplished something.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

michzz said:


> I asked her she wanted a medal.
> 
> She also wanted 'credit" for the 16 years of our marriage she was trying to con me into thinking she was faithful. really? As if she really accomplished something.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

michzz said:


> I asked her she wanted a medal.
> 
> She also wanted 'credit" for the 16 years of our marriage she was trying to con me into thinking she was faithful. really? As if she really accomplished something.


This is a Chris Rock routine: special credit for a normal and expected level of good behavior.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

"I chose you".

At the time it rankled me, but I didn't quite know why. Now, I realize the appropriate response would have been something like: 

Am I supposed to be honored? Ecstatic? Since when does a married woman get to choose?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Philat said:


> This is a Chris Rock routine: special credit for a normal and expected level of good behavior.


But the even funnier part (not) is that the years she wanted credit for good behavior really didn't exist. She was a serial cheater. Ex thought her story line was accepted as truth so she used that for her whole twisted routine.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

michzz said:


> But the even funnier part (not) is that the years she wanted credit for good behavior really didn't exist. She was a serial cheater. Ex thought her story line was accepted as truth so she used that for her whole twisted routine.


Sick, sick, sick. Glad she's an ex.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

michzz said:


> *"Hey, I've been faithful every since I wasn't faithful."*
> 
> Did anyone else get that kind of nonsense statement spoken to them by their supposedly now faithful spouse?
> 
> ...


You could have responded, "Ya, and alcoholics can stop drinking, but they are still alcoholics and still have to go to AA meetings."


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Forest said:


> "I chose you".
> 
> At the time it rankled me, but I didn't quite know why. Now, I realize the appropriate response would have been something like:
> 
> Am I supposed to be honored? Ecstatic? Since when does a married woman get to choose?


Yeah, when did this become a competition?

There was a thread some time ago compiling stupid/insulting things said to BS by WS. These are right up there.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

I used that once.

My wife said

Hey, I stayed with a lying, cheating, bastard. (well, that was the tamer version). She used more colorful language along with some graphic details.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

michzz said:


> *"Hey, I've been faithful every since I wasn't faithful."*
> 
> Did anyone else get that kind of nonsense statement spoken to them by their supposedly now faithful spouse?
> 
> ...


The response would go like: "Wow, honey! What a great coincidence! I've not murdered anyone since the last time, either!":rofl:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> I don't like this thread...because i can hear myself saying some of the things i said to mr ja...and they were just as stupid and thoughtless as these very things listed here.


I put this out here because it happened and maybe someone would benefit from seeing it.



Mrs. John Adams said:


> *We as men and women think differently and we talk differently as well...and the end result is we say things without thinking about how it will be perceived.* I have a whole list of horrible things i said to him...and every now and then i go back and read the things that ripped his heart out....and then it rips my heart out.


Not so sure if it is a gender issue, but an issue of someone deep in deception that thinks if they throw out the right set of nonsense statements that one of them will stick and the pressure to be truthful and responsible for their actions can ease.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

michzz said:


> I put this out here because it happened and maybe someone would benefit from seeing it.
> 
> 
> 
> Not so sure if it is a gender issue, but an issue of someone deep in deception that thinks if they throw out the right set of nonsense statements that one of them will stick and the pressure to be truthful and responsible for their actions can ease.


Or worse, they might actually believe what they said.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Mrs. Gus hit me w/ this once...
> 
> "I've always felt like you're too smart for me, and that you're missing out by not being w/ someone smarter."
> 
> We weren't that far into our reconciliation at that point in time, but I still managed to refrain from saying, "You know what? I agree."


My wife said that to me, and also many times that she doesn't deserve a second chance.. I also agree with her but never say it.

When I hear her say she doesn't deserve it, I think to myself "she would know... I should take her advice" :0


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> *Oh i don't think they are deep in deception...i think they are just stupid.....they aren't thinking about how it sounds...for one thing most of these things people are quoting are funny....they certainly were not trying to be funny when they said them.*


Why would someone say such a thing without reflection at all about the impact of their words?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I've had unthinking things said to me, sure. But by a wife who is trying to fix things (stated intention), it just seems odd that she would not pause to weigh her words.

Since I can't easily fathom it as unthinking, I see it as deliberate.

and given the context of that awful marriage, it rings true for how she interacted with me.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

michzz said:


> *"Hey, I've been faithful every since I wasn't faithful."*




What an interesting claim and absolutely true for every cheater... even if the last time they were unfaithful was 5 minutes ago.:scratchhead::rofl:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> If you divorced...then it just gives you more reason to hate her....and that's not always a bad thing either.


I finally divorced her and I have moved on. However, I still try to figure out the unknowable.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> then you are fighting a losing battle aren't you?...she obviously isn't worth your time or effort...
> 
> Back to the funny stuff....


Thats the nature of my way of being and reaction to what happened over a long period of time.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"I chose you".

At the time it rankled me, but I didn't quite know why. Now, I realize the appropriate response would have been something like:

Am I supposed to be honored? Ecstatic? Since when does a married woman get to choose?"

I think the best response to a WS trying to 'console' their BS with this 'happy' thought would be to say:

"yeah...I know that....I just sit here and wonder sometimes why I chose YOU after you pulled this bullsh*t."


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

michzz said:


> I've had unthinking things said to me, sure. But by a wife who is trying to fix things (stated intention), it just seems odd that she would not pause to weigh her words.
> 
> Since I can't easily fathom it as unthinking, I see it as deliberate.
> 
> and given the context of that awful marriage, it rings true for how she interacted with me.


If your vibe was telling you it was deliberate, you were probably right on the money..


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> "I chose you".
> 
> At the time it rankled me, but I didn't quite know why. Now, I realize the appropriate response would have been something like:
> 
> ...


That's a good one..

I have a few:

You choose me? Whoohoo, Pikachu! I choose you!! Yay Pokemon! When does the battle begin?

I thought the whole choosing thing was that crazy expensive engagement and wedding, with the rings and vows.. remember that? 

Who will you choose tomorrow?

You don't get to choose honey, you tossed that option out..

You chose to destroy our marriage, that's what you chose..

You chose me, did your boyfriend dump you? What'd his wife find out?

I choose to vomit.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: hey, I've been faithful every since I wasn't faithful*



Mrs. John Adams said:


> I cannot answer for your wife....i can only answer for me.
> I said things without thinking...i did not mean them to be hurtful...i was insensitive, i was cruel, i was ugly, i was selfish...and now i look back at what i said...( like i said...he wrote them down...i have the list) and not only do i not remember saying many of them...i have no idea why i said them to begin with.
> 
> By the way...i am sorry you have those things she said in your head...they will never go away...they cut deep and the scars are forever.
> ...


On the day we signed the paperwork dissolving our marriage my ex wife said that she wouldn't have had to cheat on me if I were more of a man. It took a long time before I no longer had those words echoing in my head day and night. The scars those words inflicted were replaced with other scars from self mutilation. I've never forgiven her, I don't think it's possible. But I did come to terms with what transpired and accepted the painful lessons as valuable experiences I could grow from. The day I stopped feeling sorry for myself is the day the words lost their power.


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## user_zero (Aug 30, 2013)

bfree said:


> On the day we signed the paperwork dissolving our marriage my ex wife said that she wouldn't have had to cheat on me if I were more of a man. It took a long time before I no longer had those words echoing in my head day and night. The scars those words inflicted were replaced with other scars from self mutilation. I've never forgiven her, I don't think it's possible. But I did come to terms with what transpired and accepted the painful lessons as valuable experiences I could grow from. The day I stopped feeling sorry for myself is the day the words lost their power.


obviously, she was projecting her own shortcomings (as a wife , spouse and a woman) to you. often we project our own 'shadow' to people around us, so we could live with our selves. so we don't admit our mistakes. so we don't try to change for the better.

just some thought :
we fall in love. we start to care about their feelings , thoughts , happiness , satisfaction to the point that their words, opinions ,feelings become our standards. we consider their opinions above our own. we give them this much power over us. why? I believe that's part of natural healthy relationship thing. "to cherish us" , we trust them with this power. and out of immaturity , irresponsibility in a specific moment they choose to hurt us.
solution : one must take the power back (easier said than done , of course). one must realize that the person they put above pedestal is just another human being with flaws. and what they're saying , doing - at best - shows who they are (at that moment) ...... not who you are.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

michzz said:


> *"Hey, I've been faithful every since I wasn't faithful."*
> 
> Did anyone else get that kind of nonsense statement spoken to them by their supposedly now faithful spouse?
> 
> ...


Nope would have never had time to make that statement cause after the first cheat we would be done for good


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

bfree said:


> On the day we signed the paperwork dissolving our marriage my ex wife said that she wouldn't have had to cheat on me if I were more of a man. It took a long time before I no longer had those words echoing in my head day and night. The scars those words inflicted were replaced with other scars from self mutilation. I've never forgiven her, I don't think it's possible. But I did come to terms with what transpired and accepted the painful lessons as valuable experiences I could grow from. The day I stopped feeling sorry for myself is the day the words lost their power.


bfree, I hope that internalizing and accepting even the smallest percentage of what she said was not part of coming to terms with it.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

I heard this not too long ago "I have been good for 2 years done everything you asked"

Well not really everything- IC she only went 3 times then stopped

The daily calls when she gets to work and leaves to come home have slowed down some she misses a few(not like I wouldn't know if she came home late and I am home when she leaves for work so it's not like she has any free time in her commute. 

I am not the kind of person who thinks you deserve anything extra for just doing your job(being faithful) isn't that what you signed you for in the first place.

But the good for 2 years comment well let's say she stopped herself just as soon as it came out of her mouth good move on her part I wouldn't hit a woman but sure was tempted.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

love=pain said:


> I heard this not too long ago "I have been good for 2 years done everything you asked"
> 
> Well not really everything- IC she only went 3 times then stopped
> 
> ...


I've gotten that one regarding her NC with the OM. "Have I not done what you've asked me to do for XX time? You need to hold up your end of the deal, or else why should I?"


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: hey, I've been faithful every since I wasn't faithful*



Philat said:


> bfree, I hope that internalizing and accepting even the smallest percentage of what she said was not part of coming to terms with it.


Nope, once I stopped feeling sorry for myself over the cheating and divorce I eventually realized that what she said didn't matter. Her opinion of what a man was or wasn't was irrelevant. All that mattered was what I thought about myself. That was the final hurdle for me. Now I look back and can't believe I let someone...anyone...have that much sway over me. It'll never happen again.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bfree said:


> On the day we signed the paperwork dissolving our marriage my ex wife said that she wouldn't have had to cheat on me if I were more of a man. It took a long time before I no longer had those words echoing in my head day and night. The scars those words inflicted were replaced with other scars from self mutilation. I've never forgiven her, I don't think it's possible. But I did come to terms with what transpired and accepted the painful lessons as valuable experiences I could grow from. The day I stopped feeling sorry for myself is the day the words lost their power.


Pfft, whatever. Your only "problem" in terms of not being "man enough" is that you were born w/ only one c*ck instead of 10 of them.

Seriously, man... f*ck that noise.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Cheater: "hey, I've been faithful every since I wasn't faithful"

Cheatee: pins a ribbon on partner's shirt that says, "245 days without f***ing other people, I'm a really really good person, really I am"


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

^^^ or fidelity chips

you know like the sobriety chips you get at aa meetings --- 30 day, 60 day so on


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Gabriel said:


> I've gotten that one regarding her NC with the OM. "Have I not done what you've asked me to do for XX time? You need to hold up your end of the deal, or else why should I?"


Gabe, what is "your end of the deal" in her mind?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Gabriel said:


> I've gotten that one regarding her NC with the OM. "Have I not done what you've asked me to do for XX time? You need to hold up your end of the deal, or else why should I?"





Philat said:


> Gabe, what is "your end of the deal" in her mind?


I know, right? I'd be all like "Hey, I'm still here, aren't I?"





(Just kidding... well, sort of.  )


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

My old lady got extremely defensive when I found out she slept with the singer from a local bar band. "It was just ONE TIME! Why don't get I get credit for all the hundreds of times I COULD'VE slept with someone else and didn't!?!?"

It's also my fault because I "allowed" her to have male friends. If I hadn't have given her so many opportunities, this wouldn't have happened!

*****.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

bfree said:


> On the day we signed the paperwork dissolving our marriage my ex wife said that she wouldn't have had to cheat on me if I were more of a man. It took a long time before I no longer had those words echoing in my head day and night. The scars those words inflicted were replaced with other scars from self mutilation. I've never forgiven her, I don't think it's possible. But I did come to terms with what transpired and accepted the painful lessons as valuable experiences I could grow from. The day I stopped feeling sorry for myself is the day the words lost their power.


Holy ****!!!! There are just simply no words for the way this turned my stomach. And I thought my stbxww was a piece of work!! Just... wow. The cruelty and intent is mind-boggling to come from someone you shared any part of your life with. More fodder for my lost faith in humanity. The tiny piece of heart I have salvaged broke for you reading this. I can't fathom being able to maintain my composure had I heard something remotely like this.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Jadiel said:


> My old lady got extremely defensive when I found out she slept with the singer from a local bar band. "It was just ONE TIME! Why don't get I get credit for all the hundreds of times I COULD'VE slept with someone else and didn't!?!?"
> 
> It's also my fault because I "allowed" her to have male friends. If I hadn't have given her so many opportunities, this wouldn't have happened!
> 
> *****.


There are no words...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Jadiel said:


> My old lady got extremely defensive when I found out she slept with the singer from a local bar band. "It was just ONE TIME! Why don't get I get credit for all the hundreds of times I COULD'VE slept with someone else and didn't!?!?"
> 
> It's also my fault because I "allowed" her to have male friends. If I hadn't have given her so many opportunities, this wouldn't have happened!
> 
> *****.





Philat said:


> There are no words...


There are four that come to mind...

"I am divorcing you."


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

tell her you will put up a calendar on the fridge, and every day she does not cheat on you she can put a green checkmark! 20 checks and she earns a nice night out?:lol:


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

bfree said:


> On the day we signed the paperwork dissolving our marriage my ex wife said that she wouldn't have had to cheat on me if I were more of a man. ...... The day I stopped feeling sorry for myself is the day the words lost their power.


she might have done you a favor, like pulling the bandage off quickly from an old wound. You would have been 2nd guessing yourself "did I do the right thing, could we have reconciled?". In one sentence, she showed you how much contempt and hatred she had for you...that was NEVER going to be fixed...would have always been just below the surface for the rest of your life.

Sorry for the pain though!


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

It seems more people now a day a more likely to blame someone else for their problems than owning up their mistakes. If you find one that does ( owns up to it) that one is a keeper.

It is your fault I cheated, It is your fault I drink too much, It is Mcdonlds fault that I am fat, It is fords fault that I speed everywhere, etc.

It is really sad. I deal with these people at work all the time. And the off the wall stories how it not their fault


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: hey, I've been faithful every since I wasn't faithful*



murphy5 said:


> she might have done you a favor, like pulling the bandage off quickly from an old wound. You would have been 2nd guessing yourself "did I do the right thing, could we have reconciled?". In one sentence, she showed you how much contempt and hatred she had for you...that was NEVER going to be fixed...would have always been just below the surface for the rest of your life.
> 
> Sorry for the pain though!


Oh don't I know it. By refusing to even consider reconciliation she helped me out immensely. It was without a doubt the nicest thing she ever did for me. But I did come to realize that while her words were directed at me they were actually more applicable to herself. She projected disrespect and contempt toward me but in reality her problem was that she really truly hated herself...and still does.


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