# Wife wants to sleep with other men



## RoathNZ (Apr 25, 2017)

Delete this.. too many idiots on here


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

You are right. There is no good solution for you. You must accept that. Once you do, you can start to make the best decision FOR YOU. And clearly sitting by as a cuckold while other men steal your W away is probably the WORST choice. As painful as it is to leave her, I suspect it will be an order of magnitude worse to stay.

At a minimum DO NOT DRIVE HER THERE. she can take an uber or arrange her own ride. This is key - you MUST generate enough backbone to NOT participate in this.

Find someone who will appreciate you. At 50 I suspect you are more desirable among women 40+ because good men can be hard to find at that age


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Divorce her. I mean it's a joke you are even asking about this, and if you do drive your wife their you should feel like a muppet. She is going to crash and burn and probably be burned out or dead in 10 years anyway. Sorry but that's the truth.


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## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

dude, don't be a cuckold, its embarrassing. get a divorce.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Reality is a poor substitute for fantasy.

She should learn to be content with fantasy.

Sometimes that just doesn't work. But other men are just other men, they have nothing to offer you don't have, so she should be satisfied with just you and fantasy. Oh well.

You will have to worry about disease. I suggest you don't have sex with her afterwards again until after you get her tested and a clean report back. She won't like that, but tell her tough luck. Stand up for yourself. She won't like that either, but tell her it's your right to be safe.

She is missing something. She should be trying to figure out what she is missing.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

OP,

what is your Wife's age ?

does she work ?

does she have a history of mental issues or CSA ?

are all the kids yours ?


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Whose idea was it to visit those swinger sites for 7 months? Was it your idea to open up the marriage? That's plenty of time to plant that seed in her mind and nurture it. You either broached the subject or you tolerated it to the point that your wife now wants to sully your marriage. There is something seriously wrong with some western men nowadays, where they get off on seeing their wives sleep with other men. It's a mental sickness that I just don't understand. Where's their dignity? Where's their machismo? 

Without self-respect, what is man? The moment you drive her there, you will effectively become a cuckold. I can't think of anything more humiliating and demoralizing as a man. I'd rather die than be anyone's cuckold. No woman is worth that kind of humiliation and emasculation. When you become a cuckold, your wife will look at you like a pathetic doormat to be walked over and pitied. She will lose all respect for you and will eventually leave you for a stronger male, and he will insist they stop swinging and she will respect him and oblige. Women don't respect weak men, and you look pretty weak at the moment. 

If you drive her there, you will effectively surrender your manhood, your dignity, and your self-respect. Eventually, there's a high chance you will lose your marriage as well. That may be something that you will kick yourself over years down the road. Her good looks will fade. She may bring home some nasty STDs to you and your kids. Those guys will use her up and throw her to the curb, or she will wise up a bit and leave you for someone she can respect, because right now that respectable guy is not you.

Don't go there. Ever. Have her served with divorce papers. Call her bluff about leaving you. If she does, then she's not worth keeping anyway, as she won't be a safe partner to you or a good mother to your children. You will still have your dignity, your self-respect, and your manhood. A good woman is hard to find, and right now, your woman sounds like hot garbage. Either lead your marriage by growing a pair and setting down a strong hedge to protect your marriage, or you will eventually lose her.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I absolutely wouldn't touch her with a borrowed appendage with double indemnity insurance!

Get yourself to a good "piranha" family attorney and have him thoroughly assess your property and child custodial situation!

You don't deserve to have a wife nor do your kids deserve to have a mother like that!

Give her the "air" and find yourself a kind loving woman who will truly love you for who you are!*


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## RoathNZ (Apr 25, 2017)

barbados said:


> OP,
> 
> what is your Wife's age ? 46
> 
> ...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You don't want to lose her?

Well what do you think is going to happen when she's having crazy sex with some young guy on a regular basis, then comes home one day and tells you she has to leave--- she's found her soul mate?

Either this is not real, or you are in such grief you aren't thinking clearly.

You would get more respect, and gave a better chance of a real marriage if you kicked her out, and served her with papers the same day. 

Drive her to have sex with another man? Are you on drugs?


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

RoathNZ said:


> Wife and I have been together 14 years.. 4 young kids, youngest is 23 months. We have a good sex life.. nightly.. she will orgasm at least once a night etc.
> 
> However she now wants to have sex with other people.. more than that, shes obsessed by it. We have been on swingers web site for 7 months now and she has got very frustrated with it. *We argue allot at night* about her needing other men to have sex with her.. *this week she threw a large barstool at me and hurt my arm quite badly*. *She always ends up threatening to leave me* etc etc.
> 
> ...


You have bigger problems than your wife wanting to sleep with other men. Even if she didn't, you are describing awful abusive behaviour. Why is breaking up not an option? I think you need counselling to help you get out of this abusive relationship.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Well then OP you have a middle aged mother of 4 young kids who has gone off the rails.

You are a 50 year old grown a$$ man who now needs to step the hell up and be the man and the father those kids need, because mom is off to crazy town worrying about getting her skank on more than being there for them (or you)

Document her behavior, see an attorney, get a divorce rolling and sue for full custody of the kids. 

I would also DNA the kids because exactly how can you trust that they are all yours and that she hasn't cheated on you before.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Hear that giant sucking sound?

That her respect for you being sucked down the toilet..


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## RoathNZ (Apr 25, 2017)

barbados said:


> Well then OP you have a middle aged mother of 4 young kids who has gone off the rails.
> 
> You are a 50 year old grown a$$ man who now needs to step the hell up and be the man and the father those kids need, because mom is off to crazy town worrying about getting her skank on more than being there for them (or you)
> 
> ...


Really? Your suggesting my wife has cheated on me? This was clearly a bad place to ask this question. FYI ( not that I need to explain myself) , we struggled to have our children. The last one we traveled overseas for 2 years and many many rounds of IVF to get her. There is no way in hell my wife has ever cheated on me. I would bet my life on it.

Looks like this site is just full of people with a chip on their shoulder.. I never been here before, but I get the guessing already that the guys are all anti woman and the woman all anti men.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

She sounds bipolar or BPD. Was she always like this or did it just start to happen? There is actually some medical explanation for this.. I believe a poster on here had this happen. If I was you I would tell her I was driving her to the swingers site and then drive her to the hospital to have her involuntarily committed for evaluation.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Honestly, is it her beauty that you are afraid of losing or the time invested, perhaps both? She wants a different lifestyle than you. You do not sound happy to engage and this will likely end your marriage as you know it.

There are choices in life. You can end up unhappy with your current marriage and raised dysfunctional children if healthy offspring is your end goal, the best odds of achieving that is one healthy adult. If she is obssessive about it now, turning you into a cuckold would probably be the end result as she feeds her addiction. With some women as well, once that beauty fades and not a great selection of men will be available since newer, younger females will be available as well. She may look good now, but give it 10 to 15 years and she does not sound like she will be able to handle the diminishing loss of her worth, her vanity.

Yeah sure, you want a family, a loving wife, but you do not have those things. For an open relationship to be successful or to have a chance, there needs to be ground rules and those to follow it. Still, even if you give her what she wants, she still may leave you anyways. For an open relationship to also work, you need to be healthy with or without a partner.

I am in an open, loving relationship. Even so, I need to take into reality that something more compatible or changes may occur aas time goes by. You do not have a strong bond with your wife, the glue that makes it aharder for her to leave. I will be honest, the marriages I have seen that tend to work out is the ones where the marriage is great, loving and caring. Those tend to have a higher success rate of making a marriage work. Even that does not guarantee that a great marriage cannot be threatened, just unlikely. My friend was a hotwife that left her great marriage for her newer husband because she fell in love with him just after one night and they have a more compatible lifestyle. There are open marriages on here that work because of compatibility, love, caring, and the willingness to at times focus on the marriage over outside relationships. You do not have that at all.

You are the role model for your children,. They will likely end up emulating you or your wife. If you want your children to develop self-respect and to treat their partners with self-respect, you are the wrong person and so is your wife. She is physically and emotionally abusive. I would have called law enforcement on her. You dvalue yourself in her eyes, your children's eyes and you devalue yourself. Every spouse is replaceable, even your hot wife. If beauty is the most important quality, good luck with that. I am sure she has her good points but just the way she behaves on these occasions and how she handles working things out in a relationship, I do not see her as a great person. Yoru love blinds you and so does your fear into inaction.

The only way to get a sense of reality is to detach because love and emotions color perception.

Her beauty cannot hide the ugliness of her personality nor should what you beleive she was in the past color how you view her as she is currently. People change and you need to readjust and really see who she is now, not what she once was nor who you wish her to be. She wants you to be a cuckold while she goes out a lot to sleep with a lot of other men to probably feed her sense of vanity. If she gets what she wants, it will be at the cost of your self worth and once you lose that worth, how will your children respect you because they see you avoiding your problems.

She is not special, there are caring attractive females out there and I am dating one currently. Plus, she will only grow mmore resentful so let her go free and let her be herself while you learn to be the type of man you want your children to be, what you want yourself to be. The type of man your children will become or seek as a mate.

Take time to really consider is another person worth your own life to live for them. She will live for herself and her goals but will you choose to sacrifice yourself for someone that does not even appreciate you? My gf and I appreciate each other, we respect one another and we know that if either of us breaks this relationship the other will move on with no qualms because there are other partners out there. That is why 2 years of an open relationship and not once has our relationship been threatened by outside influence. We respect the other too much and value the other over a short fling.

You already posted her abusive behavior and if she threw something at your children, would it be abusive? No difference if the target is you. The action is ABUSE.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

RoathNZ said:


> Really? Your suggesting my wife has cheated on me? This was clearly a bad place to ask this question. FYI ( not that I need to explain myself) , we struggled to have our children. The last one we traveled overseas for 2 years and many many rounds of IVF to get her. There is no way in hell my wife has ever cheated on me. I would bet my life on it.
> 
> Looks like this site is just full of people with a chip on their shoulder.. I never been here before, but I get the guessing already that the guys are all anti woman and the woman all anti men.


Frankly dude it's hard for any of us to believe you. I mean what man would consider driving their wife to a swingers club. This post hits all the trigger points. And now your little indignant "take your ball and go home speech". Like it's a stretch at all that a women who wants to be driven to a swingers club by her husband would cheat on that said husband.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

RoathNZ said:


> Really? Your suggesting my wife has cheated on me? This was clearly a bad place to ask this question. FYI ( not that I need to explain myself) , we struggled to have our children. The last one we traveled overseas for 2 years and many many rounds of IVF to get her. There is no way in hell my wife has ever cheated on me. I would bet my life on it.
> 
> *Looks like this site is just full of people with a chip on their shoulder.. I never been here before, but I get the guessing already that the guys are all anti woman and the woman all anti men*.


No, it's a marriage forum. What you're thinking of doing is ending your marriage willingly. We want you to at least stand up for your vows and be a man. You place all this obvious value on the fact that she's never cheated, even being offended that someone suggests she has, all while telling us your wife is dying to **** other men. 
The irony is thick.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

RoathNZ said:


> Really? Your suggesting my wife has cheated on me? This was clearly a bad place to ask this question. FYI ( not that I need to explain myself) , we struggled to have our children. The last one we traveled overseas for 2 years and many many rounds of IVF to get her. There is no way in hell my wife has ever cheated on me. I would bet my life on it.
> 
> Looks like this site is just full of people with a chip on their shoulder.. I never been here before, but I get the guessing already that the guys are all anti woman and the woman all anti men.


No, this place is full of people who usually end up being right. You usually see it around page #50 where the OP comes back and says "You guys were right all along." It's kind of scary actually.

We don't know the specifics of your situation, but often when a wife asks for permission to sleep with other men, it's because she already is, and just doesn't want to hide it anymore. 

If your wife sleeps with other men, I guarantee you'll end up with a bigger chip on your shoulder than anything you've seen in this thread. It will mark the beginning of your life as a cuckold, and ultimately the end of your marriage.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

RoathNZ said:


> Really? Your suggesting my wife has cheated on me? This was clearly a bad place to ask this question. FYI ( not that I need to explain myself) , we struggled to have our children. The last one we traveled overseas for 2 years and many many rounds of IVF to get her. There is no way in hell my wife has ever cheated on me. I would bet my life on it.
> 
> Looks like this site is just full of people with a chip on their shoulder.. I never been here before, but I get the guessing already that the guys are all anti woman and the woman all anti men.


Calm your tits. Most here are pro marriage, but we are anti-cheating, anti-doormat, anti-cuckold, anti-disrespect in a relationship. If you came here hoping to get our blessings on being a cuckold, then you've come to the wrong place. We are not your enemy; your wife is, so channel that anger at her, not at us. We have not wronged you, but your wife has by her abusive behavior.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Here is what you say.

Wife I am going to give you two choices. First we can drive you to the doctors and get you a full checkup because I think you are suffering from postmenopausal psychosis. (make sure you have a doctor that specializes in it lined up and an emergency appointment booked).

Or 

I am driving you to a lawyers office and we can get divorced today.


But there is no way in hell I am ever driving you to a swingers club. You go there and I will no longer be your husband ever period. So think long and hard about your options. And you better damn well be sick because if this is just who you are now I am done with you unless you get some serious psychological treatment. 


That's how a man and husband would handle this nonsense. Is that you OP or are you going to become a cuckold?


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

OP ran off. He'd rather lash out at us than do what it takes to gain his wife's respect. Some guys can't handle the non-sugarcoated truths. If he indulges her destructive lifestyle, he'll end up losing his marriage, and his kids will be emotionally harmed as well. They won't know what a healthy, respectful relationship is like to model after.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> OP ran off. He'd rather lash out at us than do what it takes to gain his wife's respect. Some guys can't handle the non-sugarcoated truths. If he indulges her destructive lifestyle, he'll end up losing his marriage, and his kids will be emotionally harmed as well. They won't know what a healthy, respectful relationship is like to model after.


I stand by what I said she will be dead in 10 years. If this post is real she has something very wrong with her to change like this over night. It doesn't bode well for a healthy long life.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

sokillme said:


> I stand by what I said she will be dead in 10 years. If this post is real she has something very wrong with her to change like this over night. It doesn't bode well for a healthy long life.


Well, stepping out of the marriage can be terribly destructive. There's a currently active thread about a wife who cheated and may have contracted HIV/STD from her partner. Imagine if she can't be around to see her children grow up.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Statistically, if I flip a coin,the odds that your partner is a potential cheater is nearly identical to the results. Nearly 50% of people have a certain gene that promotes promiscuous behavior. 70% of people with this gene have at least cheated on their partner once. As much as love blinds us to see better in our partner, people are flawed and when it comes to numbers, include your wife's behavior and how much respect she has for you since she keeps abusing you verbally and physically, those characteristics should shift the odds that she has or will likely cheat on you no matter your wishes. Of course since you view some of us as attacking her, your defensive mechanisms and the walls you have built to protect the image and how much of a higher pedestal you have placed your wife on so the slings and arrows that come her way cannot reach her in your eyes. Just like lies parents state what good children they have, how they will never do such terrible things. I have seen parents deny reality too many times because of the love goggles. My teacher in high school recorded the students hurling abuse and racial slurs at her and yet the parents see their children as the victim of a teacher trying to humiliate their children and their family and how they have failed as parents. Somehow, those racism is totally overlooked.

I am not even stating that she definitely cheated on you but to simply remove the probability to 0 or near that is going against numbers and her present behavior.

Human perception is unreliable, especially when emotion and strong feelings of love and hate is involved. We really do not know the person we are with, just what our perception shows and how we infer things. And from research, human perception is quite faulty an should not always be trusted. Because of your love, your perception will slant how you view her, how evidence will change on how you view her. Best way is to detach and be neutral. Btw, the more you feel emotionally, love, hate, the less your logical center is being utilized. That is why when emotions run high, people tend to make poor decisions. Your prefrontal cortex is where a lot of your judgement results from and when there is high levels of emotions, there is less activity in your judgement center.

If you want to follow any advice, detach, bring down your defenses. How can you see more clearly with your defenses are up? You're less likely to listen, any advice that tells you to detach will be met with resistance because you want to protect the marriage over your own well-being. How sound is your ability to make good choices when it comes to your wife? She is threatening you, already abusive mentally and physically and you are hoping she will not hurt you any more .


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## RoathNZ (Apr 25, 2017)

OK, thanks you guys have really opened my eyes.

Such bigoted responses where people just assume our relationship is **** and my wife a cheater and doesn't love me because the idea of sex with others is something she wants to try before she gets too old and dies. Wow, suddenly I should check the DNA of my children? Did you consider that us talking about this together and trying to go to clubs, just shows that we communicate well and that we would not consider cheating on each other? ( no that's too boring for the trolls eh)

Yes she is frustrated and angry and should not have thrown something at me in anger.. but there is one thing I know in life. You should not stop someone do something in their life that they will regret not trying. They will slowly hate you for it over time.

So cheers for powering me up with your unbelievably naive responses ( aside from a few wiser comments) . It made me realize I do not want to be like you guys. I am not that confused between sex and love like allot of you seem to be. I admit do struggle a little, perhaps due to low self esteem, but that's another issue entirely.

But you guys are so right, I should grow some balls. I won't be dropping her off, I'm walking into that sex club and will **** some girls with my gorgeous wife next to me. I'm sure the haters will give me hate replies.. but personally , I think most people who respond to this post angrily will be just jealous)


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

You are pretty accurate with your view of swinging. We stopped after seeing the couples divorce and/or run off with someone they met while swinging. The women get all the attention and can keep going all night long while men cannot. The fit guys with big penises got most of the action. It really depends on the local crowd. When we moved away from NYC we swung with the local neighbors. Most were out of shape and several were very fat. It was all good fun until one fat wife ran off with someone else's fat husband. Then we had two couples no longer swinging with us and most, like us, decided it was best not to participate anymore. My wife was not really into being used by other guys but she participated with me because I was the only man she had sex with and was curious about sex with others. She found that sex with guys she did not have feelings for, was interesting at first, but not enjoyable anymore.

My wife ended up inviting her girlfriends into our bed for a threesome and once or twice, another couple for a foursome. Long story short, my wife discovered her bisexuality and only wanted to play with girls since she said she was more than happy with me as the male in her life. We ended up moving her best friend into our home and shared her. Turns out that her friend was bi too. She was afraid to tell anyone due to the time we lived in when there was just hetero or homosexuals on earth. No in-between was accepted by anyone. My wife would have been labeled as a lesbian at a time when that had serious life changing consequences. Our girlfriend was with us for 30 years.

I knew lots of women who were into swinging or cuckolding/hot wife. It seems as they get older they need other men to find them attractive and sexy. Husbands tend to take them for granted. The romance is gone, telling each other you love them is gone and no more dressing up all fancy for a night on the town once a week. None of the wives said anything bad about their husbands. They loved them but the sex was the same every time and it got boring. They had fetishes that their husband would not try. They wanted to feel as they did when they were dating with the excitement of a new man teaching them new tricks and who cannot keep their hands off of them..

Most of them ended up divorced and only one couple we knew is still together, but we know that the wife tried to get her lover to let her move in with him. It is risky business when you include others in your sex life. Sex often leads to love. You wife gets used to being treated better by other men and forget that those other guys are just with them for the fun and games part of life and would make lousy husbands because their interest in the wives is purely sexual. It can get very messy. 

The danger now is that if you do not swing, your wife may cheat on you. Once they start to fantasize about other men, they need to fulfill that fantasy one way or another. I was lucky that my wife prefers to play only with girls, not men, except me of course.

Read this this which is the way we did our marriage. We made a decision to choose our marriage over monogamy. It did not work well for either of us and my ex fiancee cheated on me when I tried to be monogamous.:

Why My Husband & I Sometimes Have Sex With Other People - mindbodygreen


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

RoathNZ said:


> OK, thanks you guys have really opened my eyes.
> 
> Such bigoted responses where people just assume our relationship is **** and my wife a cheater and doesn't love me because the idea of sex with others is something she wants to try before she gets too old and dies. Wow, suddenly I should check the DNA of my children? Did you consider that us talking about this together and trying to go to clubs, just shows that we communicate well and that we would not consider cheating on each other? ( no that's too boring for the trolls eh)
> 
> ...


Yeah this will work out well. Great post though, I enjoyed it! :laugh:


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Dude, it's your life. If that's what you want, why have you mentioned bad luck at the sex clubs in the past?

I want a woman that wants ONLY me. That's all I will accept. 
You are willing to accept less, but apparently want the same.

One of us is more likely to get what we want. Is it you or me?

I wish you luck, but I think you're really risking your relationship with your wife.
Today she's throwing stools, tomorrow she will be hurling statements about her orgasms being more powerful while riding swinger joe's bigger-than-you tool.

Which will hurt worse?

Don't blame me when it happens.. I gave you my honest opinion. 
If you want dishonest opinions, look elsewhere..


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

OP, I hope that you stay for a while, even to lurk, and read here for a while, read other stories about spouses either wishing to open their marriage or struggling in an open marriage. This is not a forum in strong support of such a lifestyle, but I think you'll find a common theme of the trust not being quite as strong as you think. 

You believe you have a good marriage and communicate well. I can't speak to your marriage in general, however you describe her tantrums when she doesn't get her way (sleep with other men). That's not communicating, that is browbeating, and you fear her because of her behavior. I say fear because you will seemingly go out of your way to drive her to a sex club and leave her there. What if you told her "no?" That you refuse to drive her there? Have you ever said no to her? Can you? 

I do not understand your lifestyle, nor do some others here, but I do understand manipulation, cake eating, and "pedestalization", as these are human behaviors. Your wife is a grown woman and I'm sure would be very capable of doing whatever she wanted, with or without your approval. But if she gets not only your approval, but your complete buy-in, then you fully endorse her behavior. If you respect yourself and the future of your marriage, I believe the wise option would be to learn to say no. You have her very high on a pedestal, regarding looks and favor with other men. Look underneath the layers of the onion and it is not so beautiful. Will you ignore that and swallow the onion whole or will you start to put your self respect first for a change? 

Sorry if you feel offended by posters. It is the truth as they know it and tell it. There is rarely sugar - coating in the advice dispensed here. All the best.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

RoathNZ said:


> OK, thanks you guys have really opened my eyes.
> 
> Such bigoted responses where people just assume our relationship is **** and my wife a cheater and doesn't love me because the idea of sex with others is something she wants to try before she gets too old and dies. Wow, suddenly I should check the DNA of my children? Did you consider that us talking about this together and trying to go to clubs, just shows that we communicate well and that we would not consider cheating on each other? ( no that's too boring for the trolls eh)
> 
> ...


A couple of things -

There are a handful of people on here who are swingers, ex-swingers, or in open relationships. There are also several people who are adamantly against it all. The proportions of each groups are pretty much exactly what you'll find in real life.

What is a common theme amongst those who are (or were) in the lifestyle is that it's not for everybody. This is coming from people who have experience with this sort of thing.

Your post, and your subsequent replies, clearly show that this is not the lifestyle for you. There is anger and jealousy coming from you, where it should be the opposite. You are getting into fights with your wife about this. You are posting here seeking advice on the topic.

This lifestyle is not for you.

Your wife is adamant and determined that she wants to do this, despite your reluctance. You say you WILL go through with it, but you are not on the same page as she is. You have tried it, without getting any action. You are on a website, in which only your wife is getting the attention. I don't know what you expected from this - that you'll get just as much attention and interest as she is?

You're sending mixed messages about this here. You are 'okay' with swinging, but you're also not. The thought of you having sex with other women is appealing to you. But you are already starting to realize that your wife is guaranteed to get some action and attention every single time, and you are not. You are also fully cognizant of the fact that your wife has this need to **** other guys, like desperately so. Meanwhile, you are content, if not outright happy, with your daily sex with your wife and don't _need_ to go elsewhere. Basically, she has a need for this, you just have an interest.

People are warning you. People are telling you that your wife is not in the right frame of mind for this, and neither are you. All you're hearing is that everybody's against swinging, blah blah blah.

You're wrong. As I said, there are experienced people on this site (and in this thread). There are people like me, who are not in the lifestyle, but also not against it. It CAN work for some people. Some - not all, not most, not many, just some.

Your wife doesn't want to swing - she just wants to be ****ed by other guys. AFAIK, that's not how the lifestyle really works. It's more complicated than that. It's a couples activity, in which each person is comfortable with it.

You are not comfortable with it. You are trying to convince yourself you are, however, and that's the warning you're receiving here.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

To the Original Poster. Swinging isn't something you should participate in with the attitudes I read in the Original Post.

I was raised in the fifties and a product of the sixties. I corrupted my wife. At first she said she wanted a nice conventional marriage. I agreed. Then she screwed up and had an affair after we were married for 4 years.

She is very timid, the guy was a good friend of hers, she said there was nothing she could do. She told me right away. I told her make sure it doesn't happen again. It did bother me some over the next couple years.

I told her I thought I needed to even the score, so to speak, or it would keep bugging me. We gave swinging a try because I didn't want to bother getting to know anyone. It was fun, and yes I stopped feeling bothered about her affair after that.

But we had a really solid relationship, and there was no angst about it. It was just for fun, because for us sex is fun. But we decided together. 

We have dabbled with swinging, yes, but everyone we knew who participated in it got divorced, except us. We only had a very limited experience though.

We like fantasy better. The reality never lives up to the fantasy.

You guys, you have way too much emotion going on for it to be even vaguely safe.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Sorry sir, I can imagine why you deleted your original post, but unfortunately, you have more than an infidelity situation. She is abusive and frankly based on your posts, she may be mentally ill. If she wants to sleep with other men, then by all means, after she is separated and divorced from you.

In my experience, only as a professional, never as a participant, the open marriage lifestyle leads, more often than not, to marriage dissolution. Unfortunately, the polyamory is the tip of the iceberg with her, she is obsessive, to say the least, and violent. Not a good situation.


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