# One Long, Crazy Summer



## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

I've been reading for a little while now but this is my first post. 
My wife and I have been married 10 years and have two young kids(8 and 5). This summer, she had some extra vacation time and started hanging out with a neighbor's stay at home wife(laying by pool, etc). The neighbor's wife(Susan) is in an unhappy marriage, about 10 years older than my wife and drinks all day. Does all she can to avoid her husband. My wife is very conservative, drinks very little and is/was basically very opposite of Susan.

Pretty soon, my wife was acting like Susan. Drinking all the time, avoiding being home with me and the kids. They would walk around the neighborhood and end up getting home at 2 or 3 in the morning. When I first approached the subject of her change in behavior, it would end up with, "I'm just having fun, I'm not doing anything wrong, what have I done in 10 years of marriage to make you question anything I do,". All I was asking for was some courtesy (text/call and let me know where you are or when you will be home when it gets past a decent hour). 

She began to act much more distant to me and when we would go to social outings(down at Susan's house most of the time), she would come to life, laughing, having a good time but would ignore me and when home alone with me would be a zombie. Any attempts by me to talk about things would end up with her not wanting to talk or her thinking nothing is wrong. Our relationship(emotionally and physically) just withered.

Finally, out of desparation, I approached Susan and asked her what was wrong. I knew they talked and texted all the time. Susan actually confided in me and said that she was going through a rough patch(both with life and with some things in our marriage). As far as us, some of it was sexually(which confused me because I've always wanted more but my wife was always the conservative and would shut down anything new or different, very vanilla love life). Susan had been trying to get her to open up more(Susan is very frank when it comes to sexual things) and for most of the summer, my wife had been doing new things via Susan's suggestions(shaved, sexy underwear, watching porn). This confused me even more as none of this had affected our sex life in three months. Susan was confiding all the things my wife was saying to her(to which I'm sure my wife would not want her sharing with me). But I thought maybe I could learn something about why my wife's behavior had changed so much toward me. 

I tried several times to visit with my wife about the radical change(drinking all the time, staying out late, indifference towards me) but she would shut down or just get tired of me bringing up "issues" all the time. It became counterproductive to say anything and most times, made the situation worse. Miserable summer.

Fast forward to last Friday. We were invited to a pool party with other couples down to Susan's house. I had football practice with my son and didn't get there til 8:30 but by then, my wife was already blitzed. But at some point, she came up to me in the pool and hugged on me and was affectionate towards me which was the first time in a while. I thought this might finally be a back to normal evening. Late in the evening, I went in to get a drink and ended up briefly alone with Susan. She was beaming and told me that earlier in the evening, while in the pool, my wife had fondled her. It was like a teacher proud that her student had finally opened up some more sexually. It made me recall something Susan had told me earlier in the summer when trying to boost my wife's low self image(she's beautiful but doesn't see herself that way). Susan told me that she told my wife, "Your beautiful. I'd do you. And because I know a woman's body I could make you orgasm quick." I've heard Susan say things like this aloud and they are always in a joking manner but part of you always things there might be a hint of truth in there. I honestly believe because Susan is in a poor marriage and doesn't get any sex(she tells everyone) that she just might want to have some with my wife. She is aggressive(she's flirted with me before) and I'm afraid, like a shark, she may smell blood in the water. Sure, I'd like my wife to be more open in the bedroom but not like that. Kills most marriages to have a third party involved. 

I waited until Sunday to visit with my wife about all this. She at first acted disgusted(remember, she has always been extremely conservative), then said she was drunk and didn't remember and couldn't image doing something like that but the whole way she defended herself just led me to believe that it probably did happen. She finally just shut down and didn't want to talk about it anymore. I suggest a marriage counselor for all of our issues but she wasn't interested. Finally, since she wouldn't talk, go see a counselor or seem interested in changing behaviors that affect our marriage, I looked at her and said," Well then I'm out of here." I meant, I was going to leave for a couple of days and see if my absence would open her eyes or make her want to talk about things but she interpreted it as I was leaving the relationship. Apparently it shook her up and she started apologizing for her behavior(never said specifically what). Said she would not talk about our love life to Susan and agreed to ease up on the amount of time spent with her. She said she would be more affectionate and would work on our relationship and wanted things back to normal. She seemed to really mean it.

So how have we done easing Susan out of our life.
Monday-Got home from work and Susan and her kids were at my house with my wife and our kids.
Tuesday-Took my son to football practice. Got home early and my wife and daughter where down at a neighbor's house with Susan.
Wednesday-Susan had texted the neighbor's wives(including mine) and said she was cooking for everyone and for them to all come over. "We have to or it would be rude." 

Last night, I told my wife that maybe we ought to have a family night and just one evening without Susan. She agreed but to me, it seemed like she would rather hang out with her. To my wife's credit, she has been trying to be more affectionate towards me and tell me that she loves me more often(she is not normally affectionate and comes across as non-emotional most of the time) but it has a feel to it that seems as if she is just building credit so she will be able to hang out some with the neighborhood wives, including Susan. Kind of a I want to have my cake and eat it too type of situation. 

She also has a Labor Day beach weekend planned with her cousin and Susan which now makes me nervous. I just don't understand how my conservative wife changed so much and so quickly. She tells me she loves me and I believe she does(in some ways) but she doesn't completely act that way. Not sure what I can do now other than wait and see but I hate that feeling.


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## lonelyman (Jun 28, 2011)

this "susan" character seems like nothing but a bad influence on your wife, and your relationship....i would suggest starting by cutting off all contact with this person....

it sounds like "susan" is bored with her life and is trying to create some drama with you just so she has something to do or some excitement in her life....


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Your wife is in sort of an emotional affair with Susan. Susan has introduced your W to a whole new fun and exciting world beyond you, and now your W is questioning if she is truly happy with you and her family. Your W is dangerously close to "rewriting history", and unless you get Susan out of the picture, you will no longer be the great, wonderful man she married-you will soon be the boring, conservative a**hole that is standing in the way of her true happiness, and then you've really got trouble.

In short, your W is in the "fog". She sees the fun, single party-girl lifestyle that Susan is hovering over, and she is in danger of going on a "girl's night out" with Susan-and being encouraged by Susan to leave the bar with that young, handsome bad boy stud that has caught her eye.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

In The Dark said:


> Late in the evening, I went in to get a drink and ended up briefly alone with Susan. She was beaming and told me that earlier in the evening, while in the pool, my wife had fondled her. It was like a teacher proud that her student had finally opened up some more sexually. It made me recall something Susan had told me earlier in the summer when trying to boost my wife's low self image(she's beautiful but doesn't see herself that way). _Susan told me that she told my wife, "Your beautiful. I'd do you. And because I know a woman's body I could make you orgasm quick." _I've heard Susan say things like this aloud and they are always in a joking manner but part of you always things there might be a hint of truth in there.


What in the heck??? Totally inappropriate.

What would you say to a man who was saying/doing these things with your wife?

Susan needs to be cut out of your marriage completely and forever. She is grooming your wife, it seems, for an affair or otherwise (if it hasn't already happened). She ahs problems with boundaries. Call her out on it. Tell your wife. And tell Susan's husband TODAY what she's doing.

Tell your wife you don't feel comfy with her going on the trip with Susan the Shark.


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

lonelyman said:


> this "susan" character seems like nothing but a bad influence on your wife, and your relationship....i would suggest starting by cutting off all contact with this person....
> 
> it sounds like "susan" is bored with her life and is trying to create some drama with you just so she has something to do or some excitement in her life....


That seems exactly what it seems like to me. Cutting off the ties is the extremely difficult part. They live six houses down from us and our kids are basically best friends with their kids. 

She is bored with her life and has caused drama with other couples in the neighborhood. One couple has pretty much shut themselves in to avoid running into this drama. My wife however, despite my frustrations, is a very good woman. She feels that because Susan's marriage is so bad, that she can't abandon her. (Susan's husband is extremely difficult to deal with so I understand somewhat). But I would love nothing more for this drama to go away.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Have you confronted her husband with all of this?????

You need to do that STAT.


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## lht285 (Aug 25, 2011)

You said you were trying to get her to open up and be more experimental in the marriage. I am hoping not to get flamed for making this comment, but many times when you open a pandora's box you have to deal with the aftermath. Many people lose inhibition when imbibing alcohol, and your wife looks to be one of those people. I would approach this differently than many of the people on this site, and ask her honestly what she is really looking for in her sexual life, but I would also note that you might be hearing more fantasies than you might want to if you ask this. 

If you are looking for more excitement in you marriage, you might want to let her know this, but it needs to be excitement that you do TOGETHER. If you don't have the same fantasies, you might be able to "simulate" them and spice things up. But, you need to get back on a solid foundation in your marriage before you can go there.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Find that couple that has shut them selves off to all this BS and befriend them, who knows a group of its own my form, leaving the toxic nieghbor (Susan) out in the cold.

You can always tell your wife that you slept with Susan and you are sorry but don't know what to do. Risky yes, but effective in putting a wedge between the two of them.


Get your kids to fight Susans kids and there you go another wedge.

How about barrowing something from Susan and not returning it...better yet, brake something very expencive and not pay to get it fixed.......who know mabye Susan will sue you and that will drive a wedge between the two of them.

All of these are bad ideas but they are ideas and sometimes thinking out side the box can help.


My last suggestion is to start a rumor, one that will envolve others and your W more specificly. I'm sure if a lesbian affiar got out about your W and Susan this may cuase your wife to think twice about hanging out with her.


My main point is finding that wedge that will pull this relationship apart.

Or


You can tell your wife that you will no longer tolorate her behavior and she has the choice to stay with you and have completely no contact with Susan, or she can leave and is welcome back any time she wants the marriage and not Susan.

Again you are not controling her, your wife has the choice, but so do you, you have the choice and control to be with someone that has boundries and respects a marriage and will help you raise your kids.

If she agrees and you find your W in contact with Susan you will pack her things up and bring them over to her parents house or her siblings house...which ever. But there will be a consequence for her EA and it will be exposed if she breakes her agreement to NC.

My point here is there were never any consequences your W would face so she continued. in addition you told your wife to cool down, now its time to tell her there will be no more contact what so ever if she wants to stay married.

Man up and show some tough love, she will label you as controlling but we addressed that above. She will always have the choice and so do you.


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Update, My wife has really done a wonderful job of changing her behavior. She has drastically reduced contact with Susan and Susan is no longer going on the beach trip. She's focusing a lot of attention on our marriage and we seem to be doing much better. I've been pretty firm with her on issues and it really seems to have made a difference. Hopefully things will continue to progress in this manner.

ITD


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sounds good-how about YOU TWO go to the beach?


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Wow. Where do I start. I have been dealing with so much in the past few weeks. First, let me say that Susan is out of the picture. There were three different couples in the neighborhood that all agreed we needed to avoid this toxic couple. Contact has come to a stop.

Now the next one. Found out that my wife has been having an EA with the husband of one of the other couples. 

Earlier in the summer, I had discovered a text from her to him during one of her drunken spells saying "Missed you tonight. Hope you slept well." It was at 12:45 am when she was out with Susan walking the neighborhood. When I found it, I confronted her with how inappropriate it was. She agreed and said that they were just friends but she should not have sent it as it could be interpreted wrongly. 

I became suspicious and there were several instances at Susan's pool parties when their behavior made me vastly suspicious but I never had evidence and was bashed constantly when I brought it up, "How can you not trust me? Would I really throw away 10 years of marriage? Have I ever done anything to make you doubt me". 

We had a lot of ups and down during the summer, mostly down. The guy actually made attempts to befriend me and we ended up becoming running partners and started to build a good friendship. I was always jealous of little things in their interaction(a gut feeling I guess) but anguished over it and tried to convince myself that I was just paranoid. 

The three couples that had separated from Susan even formed a pretty good bond and started hanging out together and going out to dinner, concerts, etc. But something kept bugging so I finally was able to get the password to my wife's cell phone account. The amount of texts and phone calls was amazing. Always deleted from my wife's phone(and his too). 

The Labor Day weekend beach trip that I was so worried about Susan going on was a joke. The moment she left, she was calling and texting OM. The had a two hour conversation at 11:30 at night the first night. She had called me at 8:30 telling me she was tired from the long trip and was going to bed. Guess not. They had several other calls the next day. 

The rough part of it is that they both made me feel like crap for accusing them of something going on. I actually was apologizing to them for it. She and I had a fight about it at one of the pool parties. The next day, he and I had already planned a golf outing with several guys. I spent the round basically apologizing to him for my accusation. He spent the round texting my wife. 

This Monday, I gathered all the logs together and started comparing dates, events, times, etc so I could get a good time line together. Got all my ducks in a row about what had happened. Tuesday, I sat down with my wife and asked her to explain any improper behavior with OM. She waffled for a while, then I pulled out the info and she basically caved. Then I left, walked down to his house and did the same to him.

Have to run but will post more later(I'm at work) Sorry for half a story.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

are you sure she hasn't gone PA? The new panties, shaving close proximity to OM and other things seriously suggest it has.


What kind of phone does she have, there may be a way to retrieve those texts- also ask to get this thread moved to the coping with infidelity forum

also- expose this affair to OM's wife now


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

also, btw- your wife did have a PA already with Susan- that now makes two cases of infidelity in a short time period


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Man have you been played by you wife. So dd you expose the affair to the OMW? How are you checking that it isn't PA and isn't still on?

Clearly the sexy things were completely for him. No way this wasn't PA
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

This is your captain speaking - "brace for impact"

This is going to need a transfer over into Coping with Infidelity unfortunately


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So given that Susan was on the hunt, and spent a lot of time with your wife while she "talked" with the OM. Maybe Susan was in on it,maybe she infect brought them together or worse.

Maybe time to have a sit down with Susan and hear what she knows and will tell. Perhaps there is more to the other couples distancing from her than you know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You need to tell his wife. Do this without any warning to your wife or the OM so they don't have time to get their stories straight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Sorry for the delay. Had company business to take care of Friday afternoon and then have been without internet ability for the weekend. 

The OMW does know. During my confrontation with him on Tuesday night, I told him that i didn't know what I was going to do about telling his wife but if I were him, I would man up and tell her before I did. I basically wanted to torture him with having to deal with it. It worked. He waited until the next day to tell his wife. He minimized it of course and said they were just friends but it was inappropriate. OMW called our house and wanted to speak with my wife. OMW walked down(they live just around the corner) and met my wife outside of our house. Appartently my wife just cried and apologized. OMW then asked to speak to me because neither her husband or my wife had really explained the amount of calls/texts. Once she got the full picture from me(along with my copy of the logs) did she really understand. 

I'm at a crossroads. Both claim it never got physical but I have no real way of knowing. According to my wife, during July, it got flirty via texts but never progressed beyond that. It turned into more of a confidant/friend during August and September and by mid-September, things were going back to normal in both marriages so contact between the too really dried up. 

OMW started contacting me to find out more information. Her husband is trying to minimize everything according to OMW and even got upset at her for talking/texting me about what happened. My wife at first just told me their were friends but I finally got it out of her that it got flirty and that they both agreed they should delete everything to avoid detection. OMW doesn't know this but I don't know if I should let her know(I'm sure he hasn't admitted to this yet). OMW did apologize to me on Friday but she has to cut all contact with us/me and I certainly understand. 

My wife believes I have a file with all the texts between the two of them but that I haven't looked at it yet because it would hurt me too much. She has an iphone3 and on the day I busted her, I told her I needed the phone and that I have some software that allows me to download all the deleted messages. (I could only pull up the last two weeks of texts using the stuff from shamwow's thread. If someone more tech savvy than me has a way to get deleted messages from July, I would be willing to give it a try). I used that as leverage to force her to tell me everything up front before I "have to look at all the texts". It got me the flirty info and their decision to conspire to delete the messages but that was it. She is pretty firm that it did not go PA and considering she believes I have evidence from her phone, I 99% believe that portion of her story.

She wants to reconcile but I am unsure of what I want now. I did manage to get us in to see a marriage counselor on Thursday and it was a hurtful but had some positives. Just so I don't seem so high and mighty, I did have an EA about five years ago with someone who lived 3,000 miles away via texts. My wife found it and was hurt by it but managed to find a way to forgive me. Because of that, I feel more inclined to give her a chance in this situation. However, hers was right around the corner(still is) and created so much more damage. Mine was a single woman and she lived thousands of miles away. Hers lives right around the corner, is married, OMW teaches our kids, their kids and our kids like to play together. Doesn't make mine better but does make hers much more complicated and painful.

Crazy thing is that I still am in love with her. I'm pissed off and don't like her very much but I know my heart and it still wants her. I've done a good job of not showing that during this week because I think she needs to feel like crap for what she has done but there will always be a part of me that wants to console her because of the pain she is in. However, it is self-inflicted and she needs to feel it. It's not like me to be an ass but I also know I didn't do this. 

Need to run but wanted to finish the update. Still waiting on the final September phone logs to confirm her story that it dried up during that time. I do know they both knew I had the passcode and talked with each other about that. They had the opportunity to come clean and didn't(my wife didn't even when presented with evidence). I know OMW asked OM to leave but don't know what will happen with that relationship. Can't be my concern at this point. 

FYI, someone mentioned Susan. My wife claims Susan didn't know about their texts and calls. Don't really want to bring Susan back into the fold as she is unreliable on information. She likes drama and this would give her plenty of drama and don't really want her back in our lives. If she knows or doesn't know, I don't really care. Susan also made the claim that my wife fondled her but my wife has denied that adamately and I must say, I don't see my wife having those tendancies(of course, I didn't see her having a tendancy to have an EA with another man either). 

I don't know what I will do because this is all so fresh. I need time to process everything but have enjoyed getting perspectives off this board throughout the summer. I also need an outlet to vent my conflicted feelings. 

ITD


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

OK fellas. Walks until 2 in the morning aren't normal behavior. Got it? There's no way Susan didn't know. In fact, since you guys have cut off Susan she is actually the person that may be willing to give you the most information. Of course you verify the info as much as possible.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Trust but verify. 

Have the late night and private walks ended? Has your wife given you gull transparency.?

Have you dropped VARs in your home and her car ?

Susan provided cover for your wife. If they were out together, do you think your wife could be texting the OM so much without Susan knowing or asking questions?

If they knew it was wrong and deleted the texts, did they then switch to another more secret channel?

I'm not trying to make you paranoid, but I am trying to get you to finish the investigation before you eventually sweep this under the rug.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

if she syncs her iphone with a computer you can retrieve the texts

either use this program

or if you're handy you can locate the backup files and read them in textpad


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

I found the backup files(or at least one of them) and it only goes back two weeks. Is there more than one backup file? I downloaded the textpad software. The texts were difficult to read and not very organized but from what I can tell, there were no texts between one another. 

She did not sync the phone that I can tell but I can sync it if it would help. Was afraid I might delete something if I did sync. 

If they wanted to e-mail or talk via their work e-mails/phone numbers, there would be no way for me to tell. A lot of their contact did happen during the day. 

Getting the VAR tomorrow. I know nothing about them but hoping I can find something that works at Best Buy and will put it in her car. It appears she would call him on the way to work. Have searched the house and car for any go phones but nothing so far. 

At this point, my wife seems to be giving full transparency and has ceased all contact that I can find. The walks, drinking, etc have ceased. She has accepted full responsibility for everything and it has seemed to hit her the damage she has done. I think she needs to feel that. 

ITD

If this thread needs to be moved, can someone move it? Don't know how to do it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

try the program then, the backup is usually the texts that are between the times she syncs the phone- ie. she synced it aug 18th and then again on sept 6th, you get the texts in that time period

the program might get you the older backups (try PMing LordMayhem as I know he has used that program)


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

In The Dark said:


> If this thread needs to be moved, can someone move it? Don't know how to do it.



it doesnt need to be moved but you'll probably get better responses from the CWI folks- just PM a mod


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Another update. I feel I don't know who I am married to anymore. I want to make this work but keep getting hit with issues.

We have been going through MC and it seemed to be working. She seems to be making geniune efforts to make this work. All contact has been cut off from Susan and OM. OM and OMW are moving and we plan to move to a new neighborhood in the spring. 

We seemed to be slowly making our way back when I discovered something the other day. Back when this all came to a head, one of the things that came out was how Susan mentioned to me how my wife was watching porn and starting to explore things. My wife (after some evidence presented) admitted about the EA with the OM but adamantly denied watching porn. I thought the porn was a small issue really because the EA in my mind was the major issue. She basically called Susan a liar and made a point to stand firm on that one issue. I didn't think much about it since I was concentrating on the EA at the time.

After D-day, one of the things I did was listen to the advice on here and made steps to trust but verify. I put a keylogger on our laptop. Come to find out she is watching porn. There are worst things in this world but it is hard to imagine the wife I've known all these years went from a conservative, demure person to, in one season, someone who drank like a fish, had an EA with OM and now enjoys watching Milf's teaching the babysitter how to get off. It's just such a drastic change.

I'm more upset about the lie than I am her watching porn. She made such a big deal of it and it makes me question everything else she has told me since D-day, including her summer with Susan(especially considering some of the porn was woman/woman). 

I can hear it now..."I'd love my wife to watch porn" but the thing is, she would never talk about it or watch it with me. We have increased our sex life since everything came out and I have asked her if there is anything she likes or would like that we aren't doing. A little bit came out but not much. I've also requested some things and she's never tried any of it(nothing crazy I promise). So it's frustrating. She obviously wants more but won't communicate it with me.

Our big issue in MC has been communication and her lack of expressing herself. She has never truly opened up to me during our entire marriage. She says she realizes that now and has been working on trying to communicate better about real issues. But no luck so far on this issue.

If I approach her with this, she'll also know I've been keeping tabs on her and that could affect our progress. But it already is slowing me down and affecting my rebuilding trust since she has lied about it. Is she lying because she is deeply repressed and embarrassed or because she is just a liar? Maybe she is not the person I thought she was. Maybe she had just one crazy season in life. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm leaning on just being honest and upfront with her and just seeing what happens. 

Sorry for the random thoughts but needed an outlet.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Look, you got into the crap this summer because you allowed her to have a secret life and keeping secrets.

I agree with not giving away your monitoring , but you do need to open her up somehow. Even after opening up the EA she is still very much hiding things. This is a very bad sign for the next time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Look, you got into the crap this summer because you allowed her to have a secret life and keeping secrets.
> 
> I agree with not giving away your monitoring , but you do need to open her up somehow. Even after opening up the EA she is still very much hiding things. This is a very bad sign for the next time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for the honest feedback Shaggy. You are right that I did allow it. I really need to address this soon and hopefully it will turn into a positive instead of a negative. 

The tricky part is how to address it. How do I get her to open up? Part of me believes she is sexually repressed and is very ashamed of this behavior. That is why she is hiding it. Maybe she thinks I won't love her anymore or will judge her and think she is perverted. Or maybe I have never known the real her and she has hid everything for years. I never suspected she would do what she did this summer. I just know I doubt and don't trust her and am beginning to wonder who my spouse is. 

Any ideas on how to approach this?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you tried opening on some sexual stuff you are into with her? You show your deviant ways, she shows you hers.

If I remember your old posts Susan claimed your wife was getting friendly withher. Could your wife have bi tendencies?

Maybe you coud tell her you'd like to watch some porn. Or that you have a FFM fantasy? Play it with words, not actions however.

I get the feeling there is a lot your wife has not come clean on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## christinadanderson (Nov 15, 2011)

I would do what worked for you in the past and leave her until she changes. It is hard for a woman to live without a man even when their are children involved. My x and I were having trouble and it wasn't until the divorce papers came out did I change. We are not married anymore but are the best of friends. I miss him dearly and am seriously thinking about going back and giving my marriage another try. You don't have to get to the divorce for your wife to change, but I'd lay down the law if I were you. Your a good man and should be equally loved by your wife.


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