# How did the arrival of kids affect your sex life?



## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

For me it went from 9 to 2!

My wife was overprotective. Got me off the marital bed. 16 years later, the kids still sleep there...

She also lost all interest in sex.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

At this point, I don't think the problem is the presence of kids.

What do you think might be going on?


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Not great. My advice would be to give her a year or two of compassionate understanding, then drop the hammer and make it the big deal it is or you are doomed .

Commenting in general, not on the 16 years later part!


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Just a kind of loss of interest, which stayed there...

Recently diagnosed some hypothyroidism...


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

You first think it's the kid, the post-natal depression, then the tiredness, then the second kid... and it takes awhile to realise things are going from bad to worse.

To be fair, she did make some efforts to patch up in the bed once she realised how angry I was getting over it. Unfortunately, my own sexual awakening happened just a few years back, after which I became more assertive...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It went from terrible to worse. Moral: do not have kids if your sex life sucks. Divorce instead. Divorcing later is much harder and far more costly - but still worth it.


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

........not sure which is the bigger sex life distraction .....arrival of kids .....or kids that never leave home (or return home)


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Your kids are still in the bed at age 16?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

HM... after losing twins I could not have children. So 3 years later we adopted a 10 day old baby boy.

My husband withdrew sexually and over time he chose to make the marriage sexless. 

I read that some number of men lose interest in their wife during pregnancy and/or after a child is born because they now see their wife as a mother and not someone who is sexual.

I wonder if some women have the same mindset about themselves.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

brownmale said:


> Just a kind of loss of interest, which stayed there...
> 
> Recently diagnosed some *hypothyroidism*...


That's a very significant bit of info. How much as been done to manage her hypothyroidism? How long as she known that she has this condition? If she's on meds, has it helped?


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## Don-Juan (Sep 1, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> It went from terrible to worse. Moral: do not have kids if your sex life sucks. Divorce instead. Divorcing later is much harder and far more costly - but still worth it.


I like your advice, with that said my sex life did not suck before kids. Not great, but not bad, after kids it went south in a hurry, like about 1 a every 3 months bad, now I know from reading on here that that is not horrible, but at the time it sure seemed like it to me! jus say'n So fast forward 20 years, kids are gone and the sex has come back! (yea!) and not only that she apologized for for her lack of desire in those years ( I did not ask for this nor did I expect it!) so with that said, I did not think this day would ever come but now I find myself turning her down for sex ( I know , I am just as shocked as you are about this!)
So to summarize, I am very glad I did not give up on my marriage, and I can not emphasize this enough! VERY glad I did not give up on her or our marriage!
I was just very frustrated for awhile, but I came to realize that motherly instincts come first.

I could say a lot more but a little short of time, I tried to be as brief as possible but realize may leave a lot out also.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I read that some number of men lose interest in their wife during pregnancy and/or after a child is born because they now see their wife as a mother and not someone who is sexual.
> 
> I wonder if some women have the same mindset about themselves.


More likely the maternal instinct and brain hormonal induced changes after pregnancy and breast feeding but what you suggest could add to it as well.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

After first kid, quick recovery.

After second kid, dead as a door nail.

Only got worse since then (5 years later).


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## 241happyhour (Jan 31, 2011)

We have 3 kids. After the first the sex life was still good. After the second it dropped down to about once a week. That lasted a couple of months and I said one night I'm about to start having sex again--with you or someone else. She got the point and it has been great ever since.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Once the kids came that hot teenage biker sl^t turned into a mamma bear who would sooner kick you in the balls rather then kneel in front of them.

Almost killed the marriage, she started phucking around and I started making real money.

What saved it was she no longer wanted to kick me in the balls but go back to kneeling in front of them.

In short your old lady needs to be a wife and a mother so her kids can have a good healthy family unit....she is actually selling her kids short by being a mother hen while she loses her old man cuz in the end two happy parents are better then one.

You guys need to get some help cuz when they start school you guys will have built up so much resentment ...it gets even worse!

It's time you both step up and focus and learning the tools to keep this *family* emotionally healthy.

She doesn't see now but sooner or later she is going to be wanted as a women not as a mother or a wife.....

You guys are heading in a very unhealthy direction if you guys don't learn some tools...trust me!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

slowed down a little after first kid, dead after second (toddler and newborn at home). But when it was still dead three years later, I took out my IUD and it all came back to more or less normal.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Anon1111 said:


> After first kid, quick recovery.
> 
> After second kid, dead as a door nail.
> 
> Only got worse since then (5 years later).


Let me guess, she wanted 2

:lol::lol:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

anonmd said:


> More likely the maternal instinct and brain hormonal induced changes after pregnancy and breast feeding but what you suggest could add to it as well.


Yea, I was not suggesting that it happens in very woman who seems to go LD after pregnancy. But I'll bet it does in some cases.


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## Muse1976 (Apr 25, 2015)

Before and after the first child I had the energizer bunny in my bed. After the second child I had Mother Theresa in my bed. Ten years she was on Depo. I like to refer to that time as the "Dark ages"


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One can say there is a good thing when it comes to instinct...I want my kids looked after but with anything there is a healthy balance between protecting your kids and protecting your man and in the end there is a healthy balance that keeps the family unit strong.

What sucks is the mom gets all parental and the dad gets all provider and before you know one gets so involved with providing and the other gets involved with nursing and before you know it date night is gone.

IDK but date night is about romance and getting laid and I imagine that goes both ways....female and male.

my point is that it's so easy to get mind phucked...that one has to check them selves and if one partner is so worried about making a buck to feed the kid or nursing the kid to make sure it doesn't die you lose site of the big picture and you just need to step back and phuck each other no matter how load the kid cries.

You know whats messed up is your old lady...right now thinks she can do it alone....and thats were she needs to get the help to understand she is wrong in her thinking.

And thats were your old lady needs help cuz it takes a village and your chick is selfish enough to think she can do it alone....bad mind set...this will bite you in the @ss later on.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

How did the arrival of kids affect your sex life?

How did the arrival of the Wehrmacht affect Poland's economic outlook?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Fozzy said:


> How did the arrival of kids affect your sex life?
> 
> How did the arrival of the Wehrmacht affect Poland's economic outlook?


IDK..I'm guessing it wasn't good and didn't get to phuck a lot of poor polish chicks?

WTH is a Wehrmacht?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

threadjacking...my bad

sorry


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

We go in the opposite direction. The more kids we have, the more we have sex. We always read that kids slaughter your sex life because you don't have the time or energy anymore, so we decided that we'd take advantage of every little opportunity we had...

I have gone through the patches of feeling gross because "parents aren't supposed to have sex" or feeling anxious that someone's going to walk in, but it never lasts very long.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

batsociety said:


> We go in the opposite direction. The more kids we have, the more we have sex. We always read that kids slaughter your sex life because you don't have the time or energy anymore, so we decided that we'd take advantage of every little opportunity we had...
> 
> I have gone through the patches of feeling gross because "parents aren't supposed to have sex" or feeling anxious that someone's going to walk in, but it never lasts very long.


here here to quickies


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> slowed down a little after first kid, dead after second (toddler and newborn at home). But when it was still dead three years later, I took out my IUD and it all came back to more or less normal.


My little resentment tidbit of the day.... Sex stopped, wife's birth control was blamed, so I said, hey, that's ok, I'll get a vasectomy.

Had the procedure.... Two months later, wife decides to go back on the pill because she decided her hormones were off.

I was like, thanks-- glad I got my nuts cut off for no reason.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Anon1111 said:


> My little resentment tidbit of the day.... Sex stopped, wife's birth control was blamed, so I said, hey, that's ok, I'll get a vasectomy.
> 
> Had the procedure.... Two months later, wife decides to go back on the pill because she decided her hormones were off.
> 
> I was like, thanks-- glad I got my nuts cut off for no reason.


Is she still on it?


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> Is she still on it?


Yes.

Edit: in the most insecure part of my mind, this fact encourages paranoia regarding cheating.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

We have 3 kids, all boys, ages 10, 4, and 2. We still have sex daily or almost daily. It's gotten even better recently as well.


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## Eastcoasting (Apr 21, 2015)

staarz21 said:


> We have 3 kids, all boys, ages 10, 4, and 2. We still have sex daily or almost daily. It's gotten even better recently as well.


Wow! I don't have kids yet but how do you and the Mrs find the time?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Eastcoasting said:


> Wow! I don't have kids yet but how do you and the Mrs find the time?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am the Mrs. 

Our children are in bed by 8 pm!! There is plenty of time! You just have to make it a priority over tv shows, hobbies, games, etc.


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## Eastcoasting (Apr 21, 2015)

staarz21 said:


> I am the Mrs.
> 
> Our children are in bed by 8 pm!! There is plenty of time! You just have to make it a priority over tv shows, hobbies, games, etc.


Argh! Sorry about that Staarz! 

That's good that you get the kidos in bed at a certain.
Now don't let them hear any sounds of pleasure coming from the bedroom ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tommyr (May 25, 2014)

Within months after kid #1, our sexlife returned to being pretty good. After kid #2, that is when things went downhill fast, leading up to full-blown sexless marriage. I'm kind of stunned how many previous posters have said this same thing about 2nd kid.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Very interesting!

Please could you share more?

How did the lack of sex affect your equation between the two of you? Did it make you very angry?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sex is the glue...with out it you can kiss the marriage good by.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

My wife was never really into sex; no bj's, nothing a bit exciting..I had to really hassle her for outdoor sex when the nearest road, person was 5 miles away etc...but pre child one it was about 5-6 times a month but always when she wanted it...always on her terms.
Post child one it went to maybe 2-3 times a month...after child two it just went down hill...twice a month.....once a month to nada.

Thing is, I am now partly to blame....because after so many years of rejection, singing to her tune, her refusal to give oral (even though I used to do it to her) etc I have lost all sexual interest in her (and in general). 

On the very rare occasion that my wife does try to come on to me now, I am neither mentally or physically interested. Such is the damage she has done.
Nor does it seemto bother her either.

So yes, after children, sex dropped off the radar. But....(as would we all) I would rather have my children in my life and no sex than no children and rampant sex!


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## sunhunter (Sep 4, 2013)

Same story here, after the second child it went downhill to more or less once a month. That went on for 5 years. Since about 6 months we're climbing uphill again.

What changed?
1) She stopped taking birth control
2) I changed mentally over a year ago. A grumpy frustrated man isn't an atractive man. So I said to myself:" I don't care any more of she wants sex or not, I take care of myself" and i took it day by day. I expected nothing and didn't care if she wanted sex or not, i hardly initiated but didn't refuse when she was in the mood. She noticed and step by step became more open to intimacy again
3) plan dates, you have to invest time in your relationship - you're husband and wife and lovers, you're not only a mom and dad.
4) talk about your feelings, negative and positive (i liked it when we used to do ... / i feel sad and not wanted when there's no intimacy like cuddles or kisses / ...)

Now we're back to 3 to 6 times a month and we both feel a lot better.


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