# Desperately need help...



## GuiltyInTX (Dec 6, 2010)

I am really glad I found this forum. I need some help and feel like I have come to the right place. I will try to be as brief as possible.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We were both 20 years old when we got married. We dearly loved each other but we were understandably immature and honestly didn't know a thing about making a marriage work. We had trouble in our relationship and really didn't know how to work on it. We had been married only a short time when I changed jobs. I worked around a lot of men who paid me a lot of attention. I did a lot of flirting, but there was one man in particular that I felt a huge attraction for. The feelings were mutual, and eventually he kissed me. I did not sleep with him, but there were other physical things that took place.

Surprisingly, at that time, I felt little guilt (and I am someone who feels guilty for any little thing I do wrong!). By this time I had been at this job for a couple of years and my relationship with my husband had gotten very strained. 

However, I really feel the man upstairs intervened for me at this time, because my workplace underwent some major changes and I felt as if I had to quit my job. After I got away from my workplace I had a clear head and realized what a mistake I had made. I decided I should try to treat my husband the same way I treated this man at work that I had feelings for.....

And a truly amazing thing happened. My husband and I got closer and closer, little by little. My husband has turned out to be the most amazing man in the world, and I made a vow to myself that I would make up for my past behavior and I would be the best wife anyone could ever be. 

For the next several years, every time I would think things couldn't get any better, they would! I now have the most amazing marriage I could ever imagine. We are really best friends. And it has been 7 years since the huge mistake I made with the other man. I have had occasional pangs of guilt, but for some reason, now, after all these years, I have started feeling guilty about it all the time. I can't stop thinking about what I did. 

A few years ago, I told my husband that I felt guilty about some things that had happened....that I hadn't slept with anyone else, but I still felt as if I had been unfaithful. He just hugged me as I cried...he said that it was in the past, that we all make mistakes, and that I needed to not be so hard on myself. He said he didn't want details and that we needed to just focus on the here and now.

But all I can think about are the "details". I don't want to tell him everything that happened for selfish reasons, just to make myself feel better, but I do not know how to get over this guilt. I don't think he would leave me if he knew everything that happened, but I am afraid it would do serious damage to a beautiful relationship. 

Please, give me some advice....I so look forward to your responses....


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

One word. Don't. If you believe in God, then you know that his mercies are new every morning. Your husband has forgiven you. Now forgive yourself. From now on, every time you feel guilty, I want you to concentrate on how thankful you are for your husband. You can't keep two thoughts in your head at the same time. So use your guilt as a trigger for thankfulness for your husband.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

GuiltyInTX said:


> But all I can think about are the "details". I don't want to tell him everything that happened for selfish reasons, just to make myself feel better, but I do not know how to get over this guilt. I don't think he would leave me if he knew everything that happened, but I am afraid it would do serious damage to a beautiful relationship.


Well, I don't believe in god, I believe in evolution and I believe that guilt, like other forms of pain, happens for a reason. That reason is to stop you from doing things which are detrimental to you. Think hand in the flame.

Keep your guilt as a reminder not to do it again. 

Don't hurt your husband with the details


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

You are very lucky to have a H like him, and also lucky that you were able to realize that mistake before it even happened.
I don't believe in a god, but if there was indeed one, this is his/her way of saying that "your sins are forgiven-go in peace."
They say that the hardest person in the world to forgive is yourself, but try to find the strength to do so. Sounds like you have a great marriage and a great H, so concentrate on that, and here is one instance where I would say "Fuhgeddaboutit".


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

You already told him, so to speak. He told you that he didn't want the details. that sort of absolves you from spilling it all out. it sounds like you have been forgiven, so it is probably best to let it go and let sleeping dogs lie. Look back on it as a learning experience and move along with your life.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Telling him would probably hurt him immeasurably. My wife revealed that she has done things (not sex) with an ex in the back seat of a car. It was too much detail for me. Now, whenever I see that model of car, my head snaps around and I stare and obsess about what they did in the back seat of that car. When I park near one, I'll stare into the back seat and imagine what they did there. DON'T SHARE THE DETAILS WITH HIM. Find a councellor, friend, clergy or some other trusted person to share with. If you must, post the details here and let us give you the forgiveness you need.


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