# My husband doesn't like my 3 year old son...



## lathena

I'm having a really hard time writing this. My husband and I have been together for two years. He has a 6 year old son from a previous relationship. I have a 6 year old daughter and 3 year old son from my previous marriage. My husband and I are now expecting a girl of our own. In the beginning everything was great. My husband was great to my kids. He played with them, showed them affection, and had no problem telling them he loved them. Now he barely speaks to either of them but he is just mean to my 3 year old. Anytime my son speaks my husband is rolling his eyes and he makes rude comments towards him. I'm at a point now where I can't take it! He told me that my son is like nails on a chalkboard to him and that it's hard because he's not his son. My children barely know their father. He sees them for 19 days every four months. I love my husband more than anything but I can't take the way he is towards my son. Last night we talked and I told him that things need to change or I wont be able to stay in this relationship. The thing is...we've had this conversation before. Things will change for a little while but usually go right back to the way they were. I don't know what to do. I know my husband has an issue with my son because he hates my ex-husband. That is not my son's fault!! Any suggestions?


----------



## Phenix70

Of course it's not your children's fault, this is a biological reaction on your husband's part, he wants the children of another man out of his home. 
Leave, get a divorce, your bio children do not deserve to live in a home where they are not wanted.
Your first obligation is providing a safe, loving, environment for your bio children, your current marriage is not providing this.
If you have already tried to work this out with your husband & he's done nothing to change his behavior, your best option is to leave, so at the very least your bio children are not emotionally scarred by living with this man.


----------



## ankh

I count myself blessed to be married to one wife, 24 years, with our boys OURS without all this drama. I am starting to feel like we are in a shrinking social structure MINORITY. 

If hubby doesn't like your son, you have a choice: keep your son around because he loves you but tell hubby he needs to accept the entire package, which includes your son...otherwise point him (hubby) to the door. 

A stable family is the Basic Functional Unit of any society. Once the family structure is cor-rupted, societal disintegration begins.


----------



## Mavash.

lathena said:


> I told him that things need to change or I wont be able to stay in this relationship. The thing is...we've had this conversation before. Things will change for a little while but usually go right back to the way they were.


You're bluffing and he knows it.

You don't mean a word of this otherwise you would have left already.

Allowing someone to be mean to your children is a terrible thing. Please stop it before he damages your kids.


----------



## east2west

lathena said:


> Last night we talked and I told him that things need to change or *I wont be able to stay in this relationship.* The thing is...we've had this conversation before. Things will change for a little while but usually go right back to the way they were. I don't know what to do.


You do know what to do you just don't want to. It's right there in bold. If you want the problem to keep getting worse then by all means, keep making these empty threats.


----------



## BarelyThere

This is one of the realities I envision if I divorce my husband, father of my children, and it terrifies me. I know it's hard to give advice without having been in your shoes, and I know your decision is tremendously difficult because you love them both, but allowing someone to damage your child verbally, at such a critical age, is going to cause problems that will stay with your son for the rest of his life.

I would suggest a separation. I know you love him, so give him the chance to step back from the situation and only be around your children on YOUR terms. You can't allow him to be this way to your son. It will only get worse when you have your own child together.

I have a baby and have been thinking a lot lately about what divorce would mean to me and my children. In your case though, there isn't time to waste. Three is one of the most developmentally critical ages in a child's life. Think long and hard about what it is you're teaching him about love, fatherhood and relationships right now.

Good luck, I know it's a terrible decision to have to make.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

You made a mistake by marrying while you still had young children. Your responsibility is to your children and their lives will be ruined by your bad decision. It's time to fix this and leave this loser. 

You owe it it to your kids. Concentrate on raising them from now on and don't go shopping around for another "daddy" for them. Get your priorities straight.


----------



## EleGirl

I agree with the others.

Right now you are allowing your husband to abuse your son and also mistreat your daughter. It's only going to get worse.

Your first obligation is to your son and daughter. And yes this new baby once it's born. 

What your husband is doing is, unfortunately, not unusual. He wants your children gone, out of his life. 

It's time for you to leave your husband and raise your children in a home where they are safe... to include emotionally safe.


----------



## d4life

I would not put up with that for a minute. No way. I agree with what everyone else here has said and I think you should leave him. 

I'm not a big fan of divorce, and if you want to get him into some kind of parenting class with a counselor who can help with these issues first, fine. The problem is that people just dont change that often, and like you said that things will get better and then go back to the way things were. He is a grown man being mean to a tiny child. It's unacceptable, and I will never understand that.

I just have a feeling that this is not going to end well for you but I wish you the best.


----------



## turnera

I hate to say it, but I have to agree. Tell him you are moving out and if he wants to stop you, he can sign you both up for marital counseling and start attending religiously. It's the only thing that could change this situation.


----------



## IsGirl3

This is damaging to your 3 year-old, but the helplessness that your 6 year-old feels is also causing untold damage. It is very very painful to helplessly stand by watching someone you love be treated badly. Who knows how both your 3 and 6 year old will express this anger. Either they will interneralize it and have low self esteem, hurting themselves and other problems, or they will act out. Either way, you can't allow this to continue. Whatever the man was like when you married, he is not the same man now. He has turned ugly. You have to put your own needs 3rd here and protect your children. Get a lawyer and get a divorce. Playing favorites and being mean has no place in a healthy family.


----------



## IndyTMI

If he were a lion out in the wilderness, your cubs would be in harm's way, as the dominant male only wants his gene pool to survive. He is doing the "domesticated" version of this and is a terrible place to put your kids. 
Fear not...there are plenty of men out there ready to not only love you, but your children as well. I know, because I am one of those men. 
Please make sure your next man connects with your children...and allow plenty of time to ensure it is sincere. 
I have seen too many relationships where the children are not taken into consideration in the relationship and problems arise fairly quickly.


----------



## Twofaces

Divorce him NOW. NOW. Men come and go but your children are forever. And every time he abuses, and meanness is abuse, your child he is changing who that child is. And not for the better

Which is more important, you and this man or your child???


----------



## tightinthebud

Your son can not take care of himself. He has you for that. Its your job to stand up for him, protect him, keep bad people away from him. Its time to do that.


----------



## SpinDaddy

Nuff said. “Man up”, put on your “Big Girl Panties” do right by your children. Please.


----------



## moxy

Being mean to a three year old and neglecting a six year old are dreadful. Leave the guy and take care of your kids. Your kids deserve better than this and your job is protecting them, do do that.

If your h can't change and won't go to counseling to try to learn how to be a good dad, then you need to get your priorities straight and send him on his way.


----------



## Miss Taken

Phenix70 said:


> Of course it's not your children's fault, this is a biological reaction on your husband's part, he wants the children of another man out of his home.
> Leave, get a divorce, y*our bio children do not deserve to live in a home where they are not wanted.
> Your first obligation is providing a safe, loving, environment for your bio children, your current marriage is not providing this.*
> If you have already tried to work this out with your husband & he's done nothing to change his behavior, your best option is to leave, so at the very least your bio children are not emotionally scarred by living with this man.


:iagree:


This is hurtful to both of your kids. My mom had a boyfriend that could not stand my older sister for the life of him but adored and favoured me. He was so cruel to her and played favorites. Even as kids, I saw it and it hurt me because I felt guilty and helpless to help her. Obviously it hurt my sister to be treated badly. This is unhealthy and damaging on a lot of levels. It's time to call your bluff.


----------



## Dulciean

I feel so much sadness and empathy for you. I was raised in a hostile environment with a step father . It broke me in so many ways, still arguably putting the prices back together. 
Now I have created a step- family, my husband has no biological children of his own . My children were 9 and 13 when we married.I am super vigilant, and quite open to my husband that the children come first and him second- it sucks but hey they didn't ask to be put in this situation. Time will tell how things pan out for me.... It sounds a lot like you very much need to get out of this unhealthy situation, even if just temporarily to regroup and get some perspective.


----------



## mhg

I'm a step-dad to two amazing and fantastic children, my wife is step-mother to my two boys. 
My children adore my wife, call her Mum, and have always felt loved, cared for and safe with her.
Her two children love me to death, without trying to sound like I'm bragging, and they both know I will go in tooth and nail to defend them from harm.
They don't call me Dad, they have a Dad, but when any Father/Child nights came up for school or sports etc, their Dad and I were both invited. Their Dad thought this was a great idea as his children were obviously happy with me and that made him happy.
What parent stands by and lets their children be harmed in any way?

Your children need you to protect them. They are babies. Innocent and unable to defend themselves.


----------

