# needing to know what men think



## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

back in dec i had my husband arrested for domestic violence for punching me now keep in mind i did start the arguement i also had a restraining order put against him,now after ive went through all the anger and hatered ive come to realize that i still truelly love my husband and what him back.he told me that he didnt love me anymore and that he couldnt risk losing his job for fear that he would get arrested again i have offered to try and get the restraining order dropped and he said it doesnt matter.now we hae made love 4 times now the first 3 it was like he was a robot performing an action this last sunday it felt like there was a connection he couldnt keep his hands off of me.what i need to know is if any of you men out there could find it in your hearts to forgive your wife for something like that.am i reading to much into the sex part he did have another girlfriend for 2 months the first three times we slept together but they broke up this last saturday.my daughter text him sunday night and asked him since him and his girlfriend broke up does that mean that me and him are going to get back together he replied i dont know later on that night i talked to him on the phone and asked him if he was having second thoughts about filing since he hasnt filed yet and he told me i dont know.i really dont know what to make of all of this is it just wishful thinking on my part or do i seem to have a little chance here of getting him back,i could really use a mans point of view here


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## spartan (Jun 8, 2010)

luv2ivy said:


> back in dec i had my husband arrested for domestic violence for punching me now keep in mind i did start the arguement i also had a restraining order put against him,now after ive went through all the anger and hatered ive come to realize that i still truelly love my husband and what him back.he told me that he didnt love me anymore and that he couldnt risk losing his job for fear that he would get arrested again i have offered to try and get the restraining order dropped and he said it doesnt matter.now we hae made love 4 times now the first 3 it was like he was a robot performing an action this last sunday it felt like there was a connection he couldnt keep his hands off of me.what i need to know is if any of you men out there could find it in your hearts to forgive your wife for something like that.am i reading to much into the sex part he did have another girlfriend for 2 months the first three times we slept together but they broke up this last saturday.my daughter text him sunday night and asked him since him and his girlfriend broke up does that mean that me and him are going to get back together he replied i dont know later on that night i talked to him on the phone and asked him if he was having second thoughts about filing since he hasnt filed yet and he told me i dont know.i really dont know what to make of all of this is it just wishful thinking on my part or do i seem to have a little chance here of getting him back,i could really use a mans point of view here


a real man never hits a woman REGARDLESS of the circumstances. With that being said, you need to set an example for your daughter that will eventually become married some day. Would you choose to show her that its ok for a husband to hit his wife? Children learn from their parents on what relationships should be like.... end the cycle for the sake of your daughter.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Please contact a domestic violence center and ask them for counselor referral. Before you think about taking him back, you need to seek counseling so you understand the concept of abuse. It makes no sense to want him back, and you also need to understand why you blame yourself for something he did to you. I know you don't think you need any help understanding all of this. Abused women never do. They always think and feel exactly the same way you do but don't know they need help. You can tell me I am wrong and that he never punched you before, but I hope you will call the number and talk to someone. At least you will get another perspective by someone professional on the subject. I wish you well.

Domestic Violence Hotline
1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

The only thing that is absolutely certain here is that IF you take him back, someday he WILL hit you again.

Imagine your daughter at say, 21. One night she comes home crying, with a black eye or a broken nose. The first thing she says to you is, "I started the argument."

Would you tell her to go back to the "man" who blacked her eye?


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Neglected to address a couple other things.

You didn't have your husband arrested. The law dictates he be arrested for punching you. Perhaps you called the police, and rightfully so, but they would have arrested him even if you didn't want them to arrest him. You could have changed your mind right then and there, but they are obligated by law to arrested him for assault & battery. 

Also, you are the reason that law exists. Women always changed their minds. Before it became the law, women changed their minds because "I luuuv him" or because they were afraid of what he would do to them after being released from jail. To, as best they can, protect you and all the abused women in the country who changed their mind, it became law to arrest a batterer and charge him for battering you. The hope is that he gets the message and never hits you again. Unfortunately, the law doesn't work. They always repeat the abuse. Many women are hospitalized every day of the year and some are killed by their husband/boyfriend because they changed their mind and kept wanting him back and busy blaming themselves for him beating her. They blame themselves into busted lips, missing teeth, bruises, swellings, black eyes, broken noses, kidney damage, brain damage, and so on, and right into the grave. I hope the insanity ends with you in your situation.


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