# blamed for all



## frustrated2015 (Jul 18, 2015)

I am frustrated with my marriage of 8 years. I have 2 children from previous marriage boy 23, girl 14. My son has had significant mental health and substance abuse issues. He is currently in treatment and am hopeful. My issue is that my husband consistently tells me that I am at fault for my son's issues and tries to tell me it was not my fault....I was just ignorant of how to raise a son. He uses it to try to change my interactions with my daughter by saying you do not want her to turn out like x. She is an honor student...plays 3 instruments and is an all around good kid. I do not know how to get through to him how hurtful it is as a parent to have a child have problems and you blame yourself enough without significant other blaming you. Am I wrong to feel hurt when this is used with every disagreement?


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

That's so sh*tty, he has no right to say that to you. Any considerate person would know how much a claim like that would hurt a parent in your position. He should understand that you need his support, not his judgement.

This actually makes me angry enough to suggest getting rid of him. But have you spoken to him about this?


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## frustrated2015 (Jul 18, 2015)

For example...teens do not need cell phones. My daughter is just about to turn 15 and I finally bought her one. He consistently said that is one Avenue my son used and instead of trying to provide guidance and help to use wisely, he seeks to just prevent them from access.


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## frustrated2015 (Jul 18, 2015)

batsociety said:


> That's so sh*tty, he has no right to say that to you. Any considerate person would know how much a claim like that would hurt a parent in your position. He should understand that you need his support, not his judgement.
> 
> This actually makes me angry enough to suggest getting rid of him. But have you spoken to him about this?


I have spoken to him about it. He continues to do it. He has fear and anger that some of the hell he dealt with 5 or 6 years ago will repeat that occurred with my son. He has no children bit he is quite opinionated about mine. He is basically a good person but has definite control and anger issues.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

He is full of b.s. (probably without knowing more).

Kids have free will dont they like adults?

In the end they do what they want.

parenting is only one of many influences on how our kids lives turn out.
genetics, friends, life circumstances, teachers, relatives, environmental are all part of a complex milleu of infuences that make us what we are. We are not robots.
we are not programmed.

thats why within same families and almost same environments one kid turns out to be a phd rocket scientist and the other a bank robber.


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## frustrated2015 (Jul 18, 2015)

I agree that he should be able to make suggestions but in a different way than constantly pointing out my perceived flaws. I deal with guilt over my son. I do not need constantly to feel like he is my supervisor with my daughter.


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