# Do you text/IM with your SO during the work day?



## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

I'm just curious. Me and my girlfriend Instant Message frequently during the work day and I'm ready to put the kibosh on it. It's distracting and we sometimes end up getting into tiffs because one us misinterprets something that was said or gets annoyed at lack of timely response. This doesn't happen when we're together. Plus, we end up talking about things that we wold otherwise talk about when we're together, so then there's less to converse about later. I just don't think it's good for the relationship. The constant connection and communication can be also be anxiety inducing sometimes. No down time.

It came to a head yesterday when she was asking me about something personal (not related to us) that was bothering me and I told her I'd rather talk about it in person and she started to insist that I tell her over IM because she'd speculate about it and it would bother her. I asked her nicely to please let it go and I'll tell her later and she finally did. Then when we did talk, she was a little upset, so I told her that maybe we should stop the IMing at work and just pick up the phone if we want to talk. She is okay with this, but I'm curious as to what other people do. 

Do you all text and instant message with your SO's throughout the weekday or whenever you're not together, or do you keep your conversations more or less face to face?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

We IM or text throughout the day. We dont have any really long, rambling conversations though. Just little things here and there. That will probably change by necessity once he goes back to work, but thats what we do for now.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Well, I'm old so I'm not good for more than a couple of short texts a day. My 20 something kids have been known to keep up a constant flow of texts while trying to study and it's just got to kill their productivity.

If she's good with it, I think it's a great idea.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

We text "information"--what time we'll be home, who's stopping by the store, what's for dinner, etc. There's also plenty of "I love yous" and "I miss you", along with messages of a sexier nature thrown in there. 

Messages are always short and sweet and we never text about problems or discussions. We save that for face to face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Do I text my SO during the work day?

Hell no. Do I look needy to you?


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

The only time we communicate while working is if something is wrong (a kid is sick, a car is broken down, someone is staying late). It's all business, not for fun. 

In the past we used to email each other once each day during our lunch break. The email was just cute chatty stuff...something we saw on the way to work, funny story about a coworker, suggestions for things to do on the weekend. Our marriage hit a rough patch and those emails abruptly stopped. I once tried to get them going again and he brushed me off, hard. So I've dropped it and we won't talk at all on some days. 

It's probably better for our Careers that way. 

I wouldn't be able to put up with fighting via text or email. Especially at work.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Yes. All. Day. Long.

I couldn't go all day without hearing from him. We ask about each other's day, brood, complain, tell jokes, pass funny pictures, coordinate the evening meal. 

It's why and how we fell in love!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Occasionally, we email. I only call him if it's something urgent, he is at work after all.

I'll often send an email saying no more than "I love you", which he likes 

Tell your gf that your boss gave you a warning about your IMing at work - problem solved.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I realize that for younger people, technology is a large part of their social behavior nowadays, but I think being constantly chained together via texting would be draining on the relationship, not to mention devalue actual face-time. I can also see how some individuals may use testing for controlling or to deal with personal insecurity. I say set some boundaries with the texting, but be prepared for it to not go over well, especially of there may be a lack of maturity. You GF's inability to respect you desire to wait to discuss something comes off a little pushy and not respectful.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

No, we do not text each other during the workday. An occasional "pick up milk on your way" or emergencies but no chitchatting while at work.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
we send occasional emails because they don't "demand" instant responses the way that texts do.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

We text almost every day, several times throughout the day. But I do that with my wife and some of my closest friends as well, as does she. It doesn't interrupt or interfere with our day at all.

Between the wife and I it's not usually anything serious. Rarely we'll get into a heavy topic over text, which is just more of a preview for a follow up discussion, or a conclusion to an earlier face to face, but again this is very rare.

We don't put any kind of stress on each other about response time, unless one of us is worried for some reason that the lack of response might mean something happened.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

We txt multiple times a day but with the understanding that the other will reply when they are able to.

It is not a needy thing to do at all, it is a loving thing to do which shows you are thinking about the other.

I have ever only called him once during the work day as it was an emergency (I had a car accident). He will often call me when he is on his way home from work to chat.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Not nearly as much as I would like unfortunately


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> We text "information"--what time we'll be home, who's stopping by the store, what's for dinner, etc. There's also plenty of "I love yous" and "I miss you", along with messages of a sexier nature thrown in there.
> 
> Messages are always short and sweet and we never text about problems or discussions. We save that for face to face.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is what we do too.


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## ukdanielj (Oct 24, 2014)

We used to text a lot more, especially before we were married and living together. Now, my wife would like me to text more frequently, but I limit it--especially to keep it from getting old.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

I'm constantly sending texts during the day, but it's always a toss up as to whether they will be answered or not.

My hubby works in a field that requires his utmost attention. So if he doesn't hear the phone go off, I don't worry. I know he'll read them when he can and respond.

If it was a real need to talk to him, I'd pick up the phone, call and brief him on what's going on, then tell him, we'll talk again at home.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Although myself & H are very close we don't do this .. when he's at work, he's at work.. ...only if I had an emergency or a change of plans , but then I'd call....Seeing him walk through the door after his work day...this is when we share & unload our day....

Our 3rd son ended up with a break up with his 1st GF over Texting...those silly misunderstandings piling up...he wanted to wait till they got together to talk about something.. she insisted... she misunderstood taking it in another direction....one thing led to another...break up... 

Oh it was for the Best in that situation..she just wasn't the right fit for him.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

No I don't text, in fact I am loath to text anyone ever! Mostly because when it comes to phones I'm almost medieval, in all else I am very new tech.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Although myself & H are very close we don't do this .. when he's at work, he's at work.. ...only if I had an emergency or a change of plans , but then I'd call....Seeing him walk through the door after his work day...this is when we share & unload our day....
> 
> Our 3rd son ended up with a break up with his 1st GF over Texting...those silly misunderstandings piling up...he wanted to wait till they got together to talk about something.. she insisted... she misunderstood taking it in another direction....one thing led to another...break up...
> 
> Oh it was for the Best in that situation..she just wasn't the right fit for him.


Exactly, and I might add it's nice to allow some space even for those that you love.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Tommy518 said:


> Do you all text and instant message with your SO's throughout the weekday or whenever you're not together, or do you keep your conversations more or less face to face?


I don't text him very often at all. If I have to ask something that can't wait until later or if I have a little bit of good news that I think might brighten his day, I'll text him. I don't IM him and I try not to call him regarding personal stuff. We do work for the same business, so most of our calls to each other will be work related.

I prefer to talk face to face about our personal stuff. I save it all up for night time. 

Plus, I won't do what I'd frown on employees doing. I'm not paying them to sit there talking to their spouses. They do that stuff during their lunch hour, or outside of work hours.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Yes. The W and I text all day. Short and sweet stuff. Nothing deep and philosophical. That is reserved for in person conversations.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DH and I text during working hours. The content and frequency varies. We'll give each other a heads up if we're going to be too busy to text or unable to text. Usually we try to send a quick "i love you" or "i miss you" or "can't wait to snuggle later!" message every 2 or 3 hours if we aren't texting about other stuff. 
On the days where we both have a lot of down time we'll end up sexting if one of us starts it. Those days always have a lot of back and forth but it's intermittent. 

I'd say if texting is affecting your ability to do your job or if it's causing you to make errors in your job then you should have a talk with your partner about it. Any reasonable person can understand that you need to focus on your job and texts can be very distracting.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I text or e-mail my husband during the day. He works, I don't so I don't want to interrupt him with non urgent things.

I find texting nice. You can text a nice thought or outcome and then they can decide when it's convenient to pick up the phone.

I also have a couple of friends who are big texters. ~We plans things without ever calling one another. Fine by me.

I have decided though that constant texting of any one friend is toxic to your marriage.


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

I text with my SO all day but sometimes she's busy, sometimes I'm busy, so ok with no response for long periods. 

When my ex-wife left me she used to complain that I never texted her. I have to admit I too look forward to the random texts in the day, but usually just a short convo here and there in between work projects.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

To be honest, I used to text my wife love messages and whatnot all of the time...and we used to converse a lot via text, but back when she started her EAs, she stopped responding and seemed irritable that I would bother her. Even though things have turned around and we are reconciled, I don't send her random texts anymore...same goes for a lot of little sentimental things that I would go out of my way to do.


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

I text when I can. Having a moment in time to show someone you care, especially during a busy day, is very important.


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## Justus3 (Oct 18, 2014)

Yes we text each other, we love it. We communicate a lot actually but some days more than others. Depending on how busy we are at work. Generally "I love you", how our day is going, if we need something picked up, what's the plan for supper, etc and just some fun sexting depending on the day lol


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## Justus3 (Oct 18, 2014)

commonsenseisn't said:


> Do I text my SO during the work day?
> 
> Hell no. Do I look needy to you?


:scratchhead: that's too bad that you see it as a sign of neediness


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## Wigley (Mar 27, 2014)

We text in early morning to have good day. Text at end of day to let know home and 3 dogs fed if other is not home.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Justus3 said:


> :scratchhead: that's too bad that you see it as a sign of neediness


For some, it is a sign, imo. I think if you have a great connection with your spouse, periods of no communication aren't a problem (nor a requirement), if one or both spouses are at their jobs. Work ethic plays a part here too. People will swear black and blue that their 50 IMs/texts/calls per day to their spouse didn't take up any time that they should've been spent being productive in their job, but no one actually believes that sh*t.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

breeze said:


> For some, it is a sign, imo. I think if you have a great connection with your spouse, periods of no communication aren't a problem (nor a requirement), if one or both spouses are at their jobs. Work ethic plays a part here too. People will swear black and blue that their 50 IMs/texts/calls per day to their spouse didn't take up any time that they should've been spent being productive in their job, but no one actually believes that sh*t.


Yeah 50 a day would be a bit OTT. But if someone cannot find a few minutes a day to tell their spouse they love them or are thinking of them then that is a bit sad. 
If you don't want to do it fine but if people are using time constraints as an excuse well that is just poor. 

Mr H works in a very high pressure job, I have friends that are Dr's and other professions that are incredibly time consuming but they seem to find a few minutes a day to txt their spouses.


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## independentgirl (Nov 14, 2014)

I don't have a husband, am I qualify to reply in this thread 
My boyfriend doesn't like to text, he wants to hear my voice so he always prefer to calls whenever he can. Actually he prefer to drive straight back from work so we can see each others face to face.
Perhaps is because we both in our late twenties, so we not into texting stuff like the younger ones.

Sometimes when he have to work overnight, and he knows I am sleeping, he will text me to let me know he just got off work. He wouldn't call because he knows it will disturb my sleep.


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