# Found husbands secret conversations



## chanelsleeves (Feb 4, 2017)

Hello, i'm feeling really confused and heartbroken right now over all of this.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and are in our early 30s. My husband is my best friend and I absolutely adore him and our marriage. Our marriage has had some ups and downs but nothing serious and our sex life is great although sometimes my husband wants it when I'm just not in the mood. Anyways last Friday my husband was sleeping and I was staying up late. It was about 2:30 in the morning when I heard my husbands phone get a message, I was curious as to who was messaging my husband in the middle of the night so I checked his phone. There was a message from KIK which I had no idea my husband had an account on. The message was from some girl and said "Heyyyyyy", I immediately opened his phone and read all of his KIK messages. He had 5 different conversations going with different girls, all about sex and nudes between my husband and the girl. I got furious and sad all the sudden and started screaming at my husband to wake up and explain what the [email protected]$# is on his phone. He acted really guilty and asked what I was talking about. I asked who all these woman were sending him nude pictures on KIK with tears in my eyes and he got defensive and said that he wasn't talking to any girls. I grabbed his phone and opened the app and asked if he was still gonna lie to my face about it. He said "No, I'm really sorry I was just messing around when you didn't want to have sex" "I never cheated" he said. I just said told him to F himself and that I was shocked and in the heat of the moment I asked him to move out for a couple days because I couldent even look at him. 

He agreed and went to his friends house nearby while I stayed home and had a breakdown. The messages were really explicit and they make me feel like I cant please him, he needs extra fun from someone else. I am completely heartbroken by this and the fact that my husband doesn't consider it cheating really is like a slap to the face. I told him he could come back home whenever he wanted and he showed up that night (Tuesday) ever since I've been avoiding him and haven't spoken to him. He's tried apologizing but then he made the mistake of asking for sex right afterwards which shows me how sorry he is (NOT!!). I feellike I cant trust my husband when hes sending nude pohotos oh himself and sexting other woman. I've never felt so betrayed in my life and I don't know what to do to make myself feel better. how can I trust my husband again? And why doesn't he take this seriously.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Is there anything in any of the messages to indicate that he's actually met up w/ anyone? Don't take his word for it... dig.

Do you have access to his other social media accounts? Facebook, Instagram, etc? If so, go through his messages. Be sure to search through any "Archived Messages" or "Deleted Messages" folders. Hell, get into his e-mail as well. I'd also get a copy of the phone bill and go through that.

Of course you may not care if he's met up w/ anyone or not; if that's the case, tell him to stay the Hell gone and wait to be served.

FWIW, some people are incapable of fidelity. Your husband may very well be such a person.

And yes, what your husband has done would be correctly described as cheating. If he says otherwise, ask him why he didn't do it openly, tell you about it, or even invite you to partake yourself.

Sorry.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

He knows he is toast. Big time toast, Texas toast.

He is very immature and is waiting for the other stinky tennis shoe to drop.

You married a man-child. I would file for divorce

You are young and can easily start over.


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## Meloetta (Aug 26, 2016)

I am so sorry SunCMars... So very very sorry. I know exactly how you're feeling right now... I was in your exact situation except my husband said he honestly felt zero guilt before doing it, or during and he even admitted that had I not caught him, he'd probably still be talking to her and it would have gone farther than the Internet and emotionally cheating. 

I'm still married and can't honestly tell you why (because I'm incredibly stupid and don't really know why I stay)... But I do know I'm unhappy and It's an awful marriage to be in. He can't even LOOK at a naked woman on TV or in a movie with it sending me into a downward spiral... I have actual anxiety attacks around the whole thing... My husband did more than emotionally cheat though so my situation is a bit more complex... But I digress... 

Definitely dig some more, but really take a close look at your marriage and ask yourself if he's worth staying married too. This could end up being that red flag that you'll be kicking yourself for ignoring however many years later when something similar happens. :/

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


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## Meloetta (Aug 26, 2016)

Meloetta said:


> I am so sorry SunCMars... So very very sorry. I know exactly how you're feeling right now... I was in your exact situation except my husband said he honestly felt zero guilt before doing it, or during and he even admitted that had I not caught him, he'd probably still be talking to her and it would have gone farther than the Internet and emotionally cheating.
> 
> I'm still married and can't honestly tell you why (because I'm incredibly stupid and don't really know why I stay)... But I do know I'm unhappy and It's an awful marriage to be in. He can't even LOOK at a naked woman on TV or in a movie with it sending me into a downward spiral... I have actual anxiety attacks around the whole thing... My husband did more than emotionally cheat though so my situation is a bit more complex... But I digress...
> 
> ...


Oops ... Meant the OP not SunCMars. 

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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Meloetta said:


> Oops ... Meant the OP not SunCMars.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


Don't worry. You can edit your post!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I don't care what he says @chanelsleeves he was cheating on you.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Chaneel sleeves, sorry that you are here and yes this is cheating and very serious. There is obviously a mismatch between you and your H when it comes to sex. This is no excuse for his cheating at all but I get the feeling that WH connects with you on an emotional level through sex (hence asking for sex). However, he sounds very immature and has approached the issue of sex (or lack of it) the wrong way.

You have to decide whether you want to leave him or whether you want to work on your marriage. To me, he needs a major 'come to Jesus' moment as you have only been married a short time. Separate and see what you want to do, get IC and contact a lawyer.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Don't worry. You can edit your post!


Just don't edit me!

Many good women have tried.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Yeah, dirty dog. My stbxw did a similar thing. Maybe they were messaging each other.

In my opinion, you'll never get over it. It will stay in your soul that he had intimate relations with someone else. Divorce sucks, but it's better than the fake marriage you were in.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sadly you probably only have the tip of the iceberg. Over and over stories like this post on this board and over and over the people who do this end p being wholly broken and dysfunctional. I would encourage you to keep looking and not to believe a word he says.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This is addictive behavior he's into.
Very difficult to break.
And it will very quickly ruin his emotions for you.

You are correct to take it do badly.

You can bet if he caught you doing this, his reaction would be the same.

Truly sorry this is happening to you.😔


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> This is addictive behavior he's into.
> Very difficult to break.


:iagree: This OP, it is very similar to drug addiction and requires the same kind of lifetime commitment and intensity to change. You have been married 4 years and are in your early 30's. Look up "Sunk Cost Fallacy" In this case you haven't invested a lot. The wise move may be looking for a better deal with someone without such a huge character flaw.

I feel sorry writing this but there is a strong possibility he may even have sex addiction. You would be wise to look up some of the destructive behavior that can come with people who have that especially if it escalates. See if you can check his credit cards at least. Check for any unusual purchases. 

At least know your risks.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Meloetta said:


> I am so sorry SunCMars... So very very sorry. I know exactly how you're feeling right now... I was in your exact situation except my husband said he honestly felt zero guilt before doing it, or during and he even admitted that had I not caught him, he'd probably still be talking to her and it would have gone farther than the Internet and emotionally cheating.
> 
> I'm still married and can't honestly tell you why (because I'm incredibly stupid and don't really know why I stay)... But I do know I'm unhappy and It's an awful marriage to be in. He can't even LOOK at a naked woman on TV or in a movie with it sending me into a downward spiral... I have actual anxiety attacks around the whole thing... My husband did more than emotionally cheat though so my situation is a bit more complex... But I digress...
> 
> ...




Did you ever post your story in your own thread?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

chanelsleeves said:


> *I feel like I cant trust my husband *when hes sending nude pohotos oh himself and sexting other woman. I've never felt so betrayed in my life and I don't know what to do to make myself feel better. *how can I trust my husband again?* And why doesn't he take this seriously.


You feel like you can't trust him because you can't trust him. He's proven himself to be unworthy of your trust.

How can you trust him again? Honestly OP, I don't know...I don't think I could.

I too would be absolutely, completely and utterly heartbroken if my husband did this. I think it would break me


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Herschel said:


> Yeah, dirty dog. My stbxw did a similar thing. Maybe they were messaging each other.
> 
> In my opinion, you'll never get over it. It will stay in your soul that he had intimate relations with someone else. Divorce sucks, but it's better than the fake marriage you were in.


 @Herschel
I think most of us TAM-MINY Hall of Framers will be glad when your WW loses some expressive digits from her Nom De Plum. Going from STBXW to XW.

Each of those letters weighs ten pounds and each of those letters are part of a necklace that you are forced to wear. When those letters drop off, you will have thirty pounds [less] pulling your spine forward and your head lower.

Minus those letters, you will be able to stand up Erect and point your lighter [newly buoyant] and properly fleshed-out personality at worthy loving women. Hopefully, at a SO. 

Once you find a soul-mate, those remaining other letters will slowly decay. They get lighter with each loving embrace, with each [hot] joint shower with her.

Then when you scribe here on TAM, your diatribe will not be sour, bitter, bit-her.......... will not bite-us!

I hope that day comes for you. And so does your future hot shower mate, your imaginative figment-ly charged lovely SO,, aka, Senorita OhMyGoodness !


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## Meloetta (Aug 26, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Did you ever post your story in your own thread?


No. :/ I still have it in my word document... It's agonizingly long and it's still unfinished. Life got in the way of me finishing it and my own low self esteem issues tell me not to bother sometimes as I'm rereading... It'll get posted. Just not sure when. It's a confidence issue and a "busy life" issue. Once I get it all done up on word, I'll be able to just cut and paste so it'll be much easier. 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Meloetta said:


> No. :/ I still have it in my word document... It's agonizingly long and it's still unfinished. Life got in the way of me finishing it and my own low self esteem issues tell me not to bother sometimes as I'm rereading... It'll get posted. Just not sure when. It's a confidence issue and a "busy life" issue. Once I get it all done up on word, I'll be able to just cut and paste so it'll be much easier.
> 
> Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk




Just post the story. You're making excuses.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sounds like that since he already knows that you've found out about his covert exploits, that you're being trickle-truthed!

Time for a mandatory and repentant "Come to Jesus" meeting on your H's part!

Any equivocation on his part should result in an immediate trip to a good piranha family attorney!*


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

If he doesn't take what he did to you seriously. Then file and divorce his ignorant arse! He will do it again and probably physically seek others if he can't understand just how wrong what he is doing truly is. He is not marriage material. Cut your losses of 4 years. 

He is not worth it for the long run. He came up too short.

I am sorry, but you really need to cut your losses with this man.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Maybe separate and give yourself time away from him, to think about what to do. I don't think I'd stay in the marriage, because even when confronted, he kept lying it sounds like, so ...that's just me.

I'm sorry you find yourself here.


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

chanelsleeves said:


> Hello, i'm feeling really confused and heartbroken right now over all of this.
> 
> My husband and I have been married for 4 years and are in our early 30s. My husband is my best friend and I absolutely adore him and our marriage. Our marriage has had some ups and downs but nothing serious and our sex life is great although sometimes my husband wants it when I'm just not in the mood. Anyways last Friday my husband was sleeping and I was staying up late. It was about 2:30 in the morning when I heard my husbands phone get a message, I was curious as to who was messaging my husband in the middle of the night so I checked his phone. There was a message from KIK which I had no idea my husband had an account on. The message was from some girl and said "Heyyyyyy", I immediately opened his phone and read all of his KIK messages. He had 5 different conversations going with different girls, all about sex and nudes between my husband and the girl. I got furious and sad all the sudden and started screaming at my husband to wake up and explain what the [email protected]$# is on his phone. He acted really guilty and asked what I was talking about. I asked who all these woman were sending him nude pictures on KIK with tears in my eyes and he got defensive and said that he wasn't talking to any girls. I grabbed his phone and opened the app and asked if he was still gonna lie to my face about it. He said "No, I'm really sorry I was just messing around when you didn't want to have sex" "I never cheated" he said. I just said told him to F himself and that I was shocked and in the heat of the moment I asked him to move out for a couple days because I couldent even look at him.
> 
> He agreed and went to his friends house nearby while I stayed home and had a breakdown. The messages were really explicit and they make me feel like I cant please him, he needs extra fun from someone else. I am completely heartbroken by this and the fact that my husband doesn't consider it cheating really is like a slap to the face. I told him he could come back home whenever he wanted and he showed up that night (Tuesday) ever since I've been avoiding him and haven't spoken to him. He's tried apologizing but then he made the mistake of asking for sex right afterwards which shows me how sorry he is (NOT!!). I feellike I cant trust my husband when hes sending nude pohotos oh himself and sexting other woman. I've never felt so betrayed in my life and I don't know what to do to make myself feel better. how can I trust my husband again? And why doesn't he take this seriously.


Oh yeah he takes it seriously, but by downplaying it he is trying to make you seem like the irrational one. Don't fall for it. 

Any updates? Been thinking about you!


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## trekkie1 (Feb 5, 2017)

chanelsleeves said:


> Hello, i'm feeling really confused and heartbroken right now over all of this.
> 
> My husband and I have been married for 4 years and are in our early 30s. My husband is my best friend and I absolutely adore him and our marriage. Our marriage has had some ups and downs but nothing serious and our sex life is great although sometimes my husband wants it when I'm just not in the mood. Anyways last Friday my husband was sleeping and I was staying up late. It was about 2:30 in the morning when I heard my husbands phone get a message, I was curious as to who was messaging my husband in the middle of the night so I checked his phone. There was a message from KIK which I had no idea my husband had an account on. The message was from some girl and said "Heyyyyyy", I immediately opened his phone and read all of his KIK messages. He had 5 different conversations going with different girls, all about sex and nudes between my husband and the girl. I got furious and sad all the sudden and started screaming at my husband to wake up and explain what the [email protected]$# is on his phone. He acted really guilty and asked what I was talking about. I asked who all these woman were sending him nude pictures on KIK with tears in my eyes and he got defensive and said that he wasn't talking to any girls. I grabbed his phone and opened the app and asked if he was still gonna lie to my face about it. He said "No, I'm really sorry I was just messing around when you didn't want to have sex" "I never cheated" he said. I just said told him to F himself and that I was shocked and in the heat of the moment I asked him to move out for a couple days because I couldent even look at him.
> 
> He agreed and went to his friends house nearby while I stayed home and had a breakdown. The messages were really explicit and they make me feel like I cant please him, he needs extra fun from someone else. I am completely heartbroken by this and the fact that my husband doesn't consider it cheating really is like a slap to the face. I told him he could come back home whenever he wanted and he showed up that night (Tuesday) ever since I've been avoiding him and haven't spoken to him. He's tried apologizing but then he made the mistake of asking for sex right afterwards which shows me how sorry he is (NOT!!). I feellike I cant trust my husband when hes sending nude pohotos oh himself and sexting other woman. I've never felt so betrayed in my life and I don't know what to do to make myself feel better. how can I trust my husband again? And why doesn't he take this seriously.


I have had almost this identical experience and my husband and I are still together. Happily [with some work]. 

My husband was emailing women from different countries before we were married while still going on dating sites. He did stop before we were married and maybe this can be a point to some but I can promise you, as a woman having been with him 10 years, married 6 of those, it made not one bit of difference to how I felt. I found out later when we were going through his mails together. 

On to the important part. First, make certain there isn't more to it. Absolutely important. If not then your marriage can be strong again if you understand a few things. You will NEVER not be angry about this when you think about it. Not 1 year, not 5 years, not more. Trust me. However, you can think about it less and build more memories that can help. I reacted as you did and worse, I hauled out and punched him. The time he was emailing these other women was a time I was still putting trust in him and a few things he said to me didn't add up back then but he lied and put it aside. I was so hurt. I yelled, threw his things around and punched him. Then the next few days I told him not to touch me, come near me but instead to give me time. I think he even bought a bottle of wine a day for me (I never drink-to this day it's been the only time) and it was a LOT easier to put up with him around those days. Then I talked to him. Told him he hurt me, told him I had given him all my love and trust and he was wrong. Told him I'm beautiful and he was DAMN lucky to have me; then and now. He just lucked out because I wasn't going to leave him but he had to agree to my terms. First, I was going to be angry, I was going to not trust him and I was going to look at his email, phone and everything else daily, hourly, whenever I wanted. Then, he would have to earn my trust. I also said I wanted to go back to being more of a friendship and maybe going back out on dates with him. I told him he would work for it because our marriage means that much. I also want to add here-you need to get the promise from him that if at any time you feel the need to go to some kind of marriage counseling, he agree to that. You don't have to need that now but this kind of thing, no matter how wonderful it gets afterward, will always find a way to come back up. If it is just too much, marriage counseling is a suggestion I highly recommend. 

This is 5 years later and I still go through times of being reminded at times (not a lot but sometimes) and I get angry. I tell him i feel angry but if he helps me by reassuring me how sorry he is for that and if he will own up to the fact that he hurt me, we can move on in a matter of minutes. I wrote this because I don't know you nor your spouse and that I don't think, being in the position to have loved and cherished my husband as much as you seem to, I would have been better off without him if it was something that can be fixed. Even with a lot of work. We have a very good marriage now. Has it's ups and downs and we always have to work on it but I do love him and I see it in his eyes, in the way he treats me each day, that his love has grown much more deeply for me as the years pass since this incident.

The very best to you. I know your hurt and am so sorry for the utter delusion you feel and betrayal. It's the worst form of being hurt.


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## trekkie1 (Feb 5, 2017)

chanelsleeves said:


> Hello, i'm feeling really confused and heartbroken right now over all of this.
> 
> My husband and I have been married for 4 years and are in our early 30s. My husband is my best friend and I absolutely adore him and our marriage. Our marriage has had some ups and downs but nothing serious and our sex life is great although sometimes my husband wants it when I'm just not in the mood. Anyways last Friday my husband was sleeping and I was staying up late. It was about 2:30 in the morning when I heard my husbands phone get a message, I was curious as to who was messaging my husband in the middle of the night so I checked his phone. There was a message from KIK which I had no idea my husband had an account on. The message was from some girl and said "Heyyyyyy", I immediately opened his phone and read all of his KIK messages. He had 5 different conversations going with different girls, all about sex and nudes between my husband and the girl. I got furious and sad all the sudden and started screaming at my husband to wake up and explain what the [email protected]$# is on his phone. He acted really guilty and asked what I was talking about. I asked who all these woman were sending him nude pictures on KIK with tears in my eyes and he got defensive and said that he wasn't talking to any girls. I grabbed his phone and opened the app and asked if he was still gonna lie to my face about it. He said "No, I'm really sorry I was just messing around when you didn't want to have sex" "I never cheated" he said. I just said told him to F himself and that I was shocked and in the heat of the moment I asked him to move out for a couple days because I couldent even look at him.
> 
> He agreed and went to his friends house nearby while I stayed home and had a breakdown. The messages were really explicit and they make me feel like I cant please him, he needs extra fun from someone else. I am completely heartbroken by this and the fact that my husband doesn't consider it cheating really is like a slap to the face. I told him he could come back home whenever he wanted and he showed up that night (Tuesday) ever since I've been avoiding him and haven't spoken to him. He's tried apologizing but then he made the mistake of asking for sex right afterwards which shows me how sorry he is (NOT!!). I feellike I cant trust my husband when hes sending nude pohotos oh himself and sexting other woman. I've never felt so betrayed in my life and I don't know what to do to make myself feel better. how can I trust my husband again? And why doesn't he take this seriously.


If you need to talk to someone, feel free to leave a message. New here but I think I should get it. If not myself, talk to a friend and as much as you need to. Put yourself first right now and convey you need the same from anyone around you.


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## Meloetta (Aug 26, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Just post the story. You're making excuses.


Uhm... No. I'm not. I'm sure it's impossible to think I might have a life outside this forum, but I do. I also would rather have it all make sense, then post some half assed post with a ton of holes in it. I imagine "my marriage sucks and my husband is an *******" wouldn't suffice without background and details. But anyway, this thread isn't about me... It's about the OP. 

I'll post my story when I'm ready. End of story. 

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk


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