# I just don't get it!



## Lilies12 (Dec 8, 2012)

A little over a year ago I found pictures on my husbands phone of himself that he had sent to an email address. We talked about it and he admitted to it and we went to counseling for a bit. I felt we had worked through everything...we started connecting agian and having fun and being a couple! Having kids takes away from us time, but we manage some time together.
Recently I found pictures of another woman on his phone, he knows this woman and I know of her because he has talked about her before. I confronted him and he is denying knowing anything about the pictures. He had to of seen them because they were downloaded, if you download it you know about it! I feel so hurt and betrayed agian! He hasn't been home much because I told him I need time and space! I have been still struggling with the first incident! I decided to contact this woman and after 4 days of trying to get ahold of her she finally calls me. She said that they have not and are not involved that she just sends pictures to her "friends" all the time, but this is the first time I have seen any pictures from her on his phone. I have been going through his phone occasionally because I do not fully trust him agian and doubt I ever will. The pictures are a straight on shot of her, she obviously took it with her cell and the other is of basically just her chest, she claims she wanted to ask people what they thought of her new hair cut. The chest shot she claims is because she wanted to show people the tips of her hair, but she is wearing different tops in the pictures. I defiantly have my doubts and think she is lying and he is lying. 
I have had my doubts about our marriage but have been trying to make it work because I do love him, but is it enough? Is loving someone enough? 
When he isn't here I am sure about leaving him but then he comes home and tugs at my heart, he knows how to do that. We have 2 kids together and he has a child from a previous relationship which I have basically raised. A lot of my wanting to stay is my step-son, I love him like my own. 
My husband says he loves me and is willing to do anything to make it work. He already started deleting numbers out of his phone, changing his email address and only keeping family and close friends addresses, etc. He is ok with giving me my space and time, but I don't know if I can get past something like this agian......it's not easy to deal with this. I'm so confused!! 
If someone has dealt with something similar what did you do? How did you come to a decision on what to do or how to handle it.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

One thing you should do is to find out if hair-girl is married. If she is you should let her husbsnd know that she's been sending pictures to your husband.

If the hair-girl works with him he needs to find another job ASAP. Tell your husband he has to come clean about his relationship with her. Tell him he has ONE chance and one chance only. The chance is tonight. 

Tell him that if you find out he's lied to you that will be a dealbreaker so he better think hard. Make him get a checkup for STDs and have him show you the results.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> One thing you should do is to find out if hair-girl is married. If she is you should let her husbsnd know that she's been sending pictures to your husband.
> 
> If the hair-girl works with him he needs to find another job ASAP. Tell your husband he has to come clean about his relationship with her. Tell him he has ONE chance and one chance only. The chance is tonight.
> 
> Tell him that if you find out he's lied to you that will be a dealbreaker so he better think hard. Make him get a checkup for STDs and have him show you the results.


I love your advice!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Lilies12, if you are going to reconcile, you have to provide the terms. He needs to provide 100% transparency. If he wants to stay married then he is no longer "entitled to a private life". The OW sounds like a moron. Why would your husband care about the "tips" of her hair? Please read about the 180. I think this will really help you. I think your husband will do this again, if you continue to allow it. Remember you deserve better then this...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lilies12 (Dec 8, 2012)

I sent him to be tested and I went as well, they no longer work together since Sept 2012, they are both military and he transferred. I will look into the 180...
I am still uncertain about working things out, I am so hurt, angry and numb to most feelings at this point. Plus it isnt the first time something like this has happened. The other day I found out he went through the history on my computer because he thinks I have someone else on the side! Just because twice in one week I went off without him and the kids to go help my grandpa pick out carpet at the store and then helped him pack up grandmas nick-nacs. It seems as though he is trying to turn it around and blame me!!! It's irritating! 
I am not trying to rush to a decision but Im not trying to take forever to decide! 
Thanks for you advice!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Cheaters often accuse their SO of cheating.

You shouldn't leave - HE should. You've done nothing wrong.

Unless he gets consequences, he WILL keep doing it.


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## Lilies12 (Dec 8, 2012)

Hope1964, I was thinking the samething about him turning it around. If he is guilty, which I believe he is, I think he is trying to make me look guilty because he feels bad about what he did! He has been staying away because I tell him when he can come home and when he can't but I don't feel it is enough time. When I told him that I want him to spend more time away he freaked out on me! We got into an arguement that same night for about 2 hours and nothing was resolved! 
I feel as though it is over and there is no repairing the damage but it feels like a dream, like this can't be happening to me! I need to decided and stick to my guns on it, but I don't want to rush to a decision because it does affect myself and my kids. I am trying to go through my own thoughts and figure out what I want and not considering anyone else because I want to be happy! I can always figure everything else out as I go along and adjust....which I know will not be easy!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Difficult when you have kids to not punish them when you are punishing the WS, I would think.


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