# unsure of suggestive message



## LowProfile (Aug 25, 2012)

My wife and i have been having trouble for a while and things are not really going well.

My business didn't work out so now i am looking for work and a new path and lately our marriage is heading south in almost all areas. She has been going out Fridays with work things" that's what i am lead to believe" drinking to much so she cant drive and gets dropped off by these people i don't even know. 

She is funny about her phone always locking it and changing the pin when i know it so i asked to look at it tonight which she unlocked it for me and i found nothing suspicious in it using the excuse i was having trouble with my phone and wanted to check the settings. She was none the wiser but not happy about it.

Now she forgets i can access her Facebook which i don't im not normally a suspicious person about any of these things but have been getting that gut feeling so i logged in to check.

Nothing really stood out to me apart from this

Wife= Hey, missing you at work! Are you ok? x

Him=Yeah. Just missed a couple of nights sleep and it ****ed my immune system I reckon.

Wife=Good - glad to hear it's nothing serious. It's boring without you. See you soon!

Him=See ya tomorrow hopefully.

Him=Can you bring me lunch?

Wife=and what about move your car whist I'm doing that! Man, I know my place in this world

Him=I need chicken soup and some nurofen
How soon can I expect you?
My car is fine where it is.

Wife=oh that's funny I thought you were giving me **** cos one of the bigwigs was down today and I had to go get his lunch and move his car!

Him=Who was the big wig?

Wife=(guys name) kind of my new boss I think

Him=Oh... what does he do?

Wife=I know I should know that! Um...commercial operations manager or something like that. What's up with you - cold? or just ?

Him=cold.
AKA man-flu
You know the type when a guy thinks he's dying?!

Wife=oh i bet - I know the cure for that but that's probably a bit inappropriate!

Him=slap in th face?
nurofen?
lunch?

Wife=think ruder!

Him=You'd be an awesome nurse!

Wife=did it make you smile?

Him=it made my eyebrows raise!!!
I'm shocked and dismayed! 

Wife=well I do have the uniform!

Him=TMI

Wife=on that note I better get back to work! Feel better!
TMI - gees rude! Seeya later alligator


After reading that i have felt sick all night and has brought me to this site and to make this post so am im being silly or should i be worried?
Just a harmless conversation with flirting or concerning cause i would have never expected this from her.

With the phone she could have been covering herself and deleting anything inappropriate


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Sounds like she is doing most of the flirting to me, and no it is not harmless. Im sorry, but this could turn to a PA if this guy is willing. 

I have no advice. Others will come and offer up opinions. 

Im really sorry.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Nip it in the bud
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LowProfile (Aug 25, 2012)

Thanks for the feed back and that's what i thought is certainly doesn't seem harmless at all, almost straight out offering it up if he wanted.

That conversation took place over a month ago i just checked, maybe i am too late and not really sure how to approach this now


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Keep snooping.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Yeah, she's just feeling him out. He seems surprised by it though so it hasn't been going on long.

I would either go along on the Friday night outing or stop her from going. If she hasn't started on someone else she's on here way. 

Also monitor her emails and her Facebook and maybe not confront her just yet. Talk to her but in a more of a big picture kind of way. 

Get ahold of this ASAP, before you have a big problem.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Twofaces said:


> Sounds like she is doing most of the flirting to me, and no it is not harmless. Im sorry, but this could turn to a PA if this guy is willing.
> 
> I have no advice. Others will come and offer up opinions.
> 
> Im really sorry.


I agree with this. We don't know your wife or the other guy, so it's hard for us to tell her intentions. What would have happened if he was more aggressive in his responses?

Given that your marriage is terrible and, I assume, you have no conversations/messages with your wife like this when YOU are feeling down or under the weather, I would take it as a red flag that she could be looking to cheat.

The content of the message would be unacceptable even if the marriage was good. It's not something any spouse would like.

I would not bring it up to her at this time, but I would approach her about what's going on in your marriage, let her know you are unhappy with it and see how agreeable she is to fixing it. Continue to monitor.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Sounds like the tip of the iceberg to me. More investigation on your part needs to be done. The Friday night thing is a big clue.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

This just happened to me this week. A sales girl at a supplier was being a bit forward in her texts while I was handling business. I was surprised and I'm also sure she was just having fun. BUT... If I wanted to continue who knows. I did not and will not egg her on.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Squash This #$%^ NOW!!!! If she is uncomfortable about you seeing her phone, then you already know something is up. Your wife is flirting with another man. 

Get your act together, Find a job, (I know easier said then done) make some progress with yourself that shows your trying to make things better. Talk with her about improving your marriage, see a MC.

Check your phone records, How many times a day does she text? What does she do on Friday nights? Does she invite you? Does she offer you to meet her friends? How often do you get intimate with her? Is she pushing you away? Does she spend alot of time on the computer chatting "With a friend"? Is her "Needs being met"???


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

LowProfile, your first priority is for you to find employment. Once you do you then can devote time in determining just how you wish to proceed in your relationship.
When we marry another, we assume we become "one" with him or her. When your other "one" is out and about without you you can only hope that she or he remains committed.
If not, then discovering the truth is your next priority.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

*She has been going out Fridays with work things" that's what i am lead to believe" drinking to much so she cant drive and gets dropped off by these people i don't even know. 

She is funny about her phone always locking it and changing the pin when i know it so i asked to look at it tonight which she unlocked it for me and i found nothing suspicious in it using the excuse i was having trouble with my phone and wanted to check the settings. She was none the wiser but not happy about it.*

The drunken nights out without you is a disaster waiting to happen. As part of your talk with her about your marriage, let her know that these drunken nights out are not appropriate for a married woman. See if you can go along or make a date to go out with your wife to spend some time out with her alone. Frame it as wanting to improve the marriage and connection between you, which hopefully is actually the truth.

Don't let her know you suspect anything. The locked phone and the drunken nights out are a very bad combination. Be on high alert for other red flags. Depending on how your talk with her about the marriage goes, consider putting a voice-activated recorder in her car under the seat with heavy duty velcro for a week or so to see if it turns up anything.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

hookares said:


> LowProfile, your first priority is for you to find employment. Once you do you then can devote time in determining just how you wish to proceed in your relationship.
> When we marry another, we assume we become "one" with him or her. When your other "one" is out and about without you you can only hope that she or he remains committed.
> If not, then discovering the truth is your next priority.


Finding employment and saving his marriage should occur simultaneously. They're not mutually exclusive. In this economy, by the time he finds work she could be in the middle of an emotional, or worse yet, physical affair.

Consciously or subconsciously she may view you as a failure because your business didn't pan out. Therefore, you need to find gainful employment toute de suite.

How long have you and your wife been married? Are there any kids?


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Yes you have legit concern..But first people are right.Your number one priority is to get a job ASAP. regarding the message.Seems
like your wife is the aggressor in this case. Or OM is playing dumb ,while feeling her out.. I suggest you put a key logger on the computer
it only matter of time before she figures out that you have access to divorce book..


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What kind of phone dopes she have. Is it an iphone.

Also install a keylogger on the home computer and start gathering evidence(and her account passwords)


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Do not confront her with anything until you have more evidence. If you run and mention that message it will be laughed off as nothing and the two of them just being friends. If your snooping turns up nothing then it's certainly a discussion to have. If possible I would check the cell records and see how often they're in contact.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Be careful what you do. Trust, but verify.

It could be a red flag, but it might not be.

Don't confront without being sure, or if there is an affair, it will just go underground.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

No it is a red flag. Your spouse firing off jokes to opposite sex with sexual innuendo is one hell of a flag. Perhaps not cheating, but definitely inappropriate behavior.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also weasel your way into joining them on Friday nights.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

LowProfile said:


> She has been going out Fridays with work things" that's what i am lead to believe" drinking to much so she cant drive and gets dropped off by these people i don't even know.


 If she is getting drunk, then for obvious reasons it is not really work related. You need to either go with her or she needs to stop going.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

snap said:


> No it is a red flag. Your spouse firing off jokes to opposite sex with sexual innuendo is one hell of a flag. Perhaps not cheating, but definitely inappropriate behavior.


It's not always so, but I fear the OP is right to be concerned.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I read this and it sounds like SHE is the one fishing. He actually played it pretty straight, IMHO. Given what she was saying, it sounds like she was looking for some attention.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'd be concerned about the other behavior more than I would this message. Yes she was fishing but he didn't respond.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I'd be concerned about the other behavior more than I would this message. Yes she was fishing but he didn't respond.


:iagree:

She's going out on GNOs and partying it up and being secretive with the phone and locking it up. She only let him see if after she had already sanitized it. Then now she's pursuing this guy.

If she's not in an affair or haven't had ONSs from all this partying at bars/clubs, then she's definitely looking to hook up with someone and have an affair.

Its time for you to put your foot down. Be prepared for her to play the controlling card and call you controlling. This is not controlling. This is protecting your marriage like a man is supposed to do.

And its time to verify and investigate. What is she doing on these GNOs that she has to get so drunk and come home so late? You might want to think about getting tested for STDs.


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