# How long before the WS comes back.



## drsparkle

How long does it normally take the Fog to clear and for the wayward spouse to come back???

Experiences please?


----------



## the guy

As soon as I showed her the evidence of her behavior, that and the fact that I started to care, it was with in a day.
My case is odd, but like many here each case has its oddities, but with all one thing in common......the pain.

IMO it depends on the emotional connection the DS have with the AP.

For some it is drawn out with the ablity to have DS fence sit, while some have caught it early enough to prevent deeper bonding.

In my case my WW always knew it was all a fantasy and a bandaid for a problematice marriage, once she saw the change in me and the pure fact that I was confident in moving on with out her, my WW made the healthy choice to stop her bad behavior.


----------



## DanF

For me, it was about 5 months after DDay before the OW was completely out of my mind.
All contact stopped at about month 2 months, but i thought of her a lot.
For my wife, I think it was maybe a couple of weeks.


----------



## joe kidd

She never left. On D-day I told her to choose. I handled things quite badly after that. Went and had a revenge affair. She said that's when she knew that I could be gone forever and redoubled her efforts to get me back. FWIW I'm glad she did try so hard. We would have been done and not enjoying each other at this time.


----------



## marksaysay

Unfortunately, there are many that never come back. Believe me, I'm hoping and praying that mine may be an exception, but the reality is that not all come back. Some are so overcome with pride that the thought of coming back and acknowledging their mistakes is too difficult.


----------



## notreadytoquit

marksaysay said:


> Unfortunately, there are many that never come back. Believe me, I'm hoping and praying that mine may be an exception, but the reality is that not all come back. Some are so overcome with pride that the thought of coming back and acknowledging their mistakes is too difficult.


this is so true. For some BS they will be lucky if they ever get an apology, even if it is a fake one.


----------



## drsparkle

More stories/ experiences people please


----------



## bellringer

It took mine a yr and a half to realise he screwed up. it was a week before we were to sign the final papers. were doing great now, especially since I grew alot whole we were in the middle of divorcing. we were literally almost divorced. the house got sold I got half the money, we both have apartments. my son and I are in the process of moving our things into his apartment now. we took a family vacation to hershey park and we have been dating. we went away overnite with my sister and her husband, it was nice. 


my husband was very controlling and i just put up with it for so long, now I have the upper hand and im in control. its nice to be in control now. i know that could change but he knows i can make it on my own and i will walk if he screws up. we already got into an argument about parenting cause he seems to think he can be friends instead of a father, but he sees it my way now, where before he would just blow it off and do his own thing. its going to take some time but were both in it 110%


----------



## blownaway

I'm sure this isn't exactly what you wanted to hear, but it's an experience so I'll share.

Mine actually never admitted to being a WS. He denied, denied, denied. Gave me the ILBNILWY speech and moved out without really giving me a reason why. I guess you could call "it's just time" a reason, but I never got the honest conversation. He broke up our family and destroyed a 16 year relationship for reasons that he could not articulate, despite the 1,000 chances that I gave him to confess. 

After he moved out, he continued to sit on the fence and tell me that he wasn't sure he wanted the separation to be permanent. I even told him that I would give him a D because I felt that his heart really wasn't here anymore and he told me no. He was too afraid of taking that big of a step. That if, of course, until he was busted and spotted out with the very person that everyone had suspected all along. At that point, it was "we just started seeing each other." Riiiiiiiiggggghhhhht.

It was all lies and deceit for God knows how long. My world was shattered. 

Since D-day, he has never apologized or told the truth and has certainly never indicated any desire to want to come back. I filed for D without saying a word, and by the way things are going, it's pretty clear that he will ever even look at me again, let alone try to get back into my good graces. It's been almost a year since he's moved out and even though we have two children together I barely see him. I rarely speak to him on the phone and only communicate by email or text. Thankfully, it's not ugly like some Ds can get, but it's also not what you would call friendly.

I tell you this not to upset you, but because I can say with all sincerety that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if your WS never looks back. It hurts like hell and I would never diminish the pain. It takes a lot to try to understand and get through it and while I'm not there yet, I'm getting there. I guess that's the point - one baby step at a time, I am getting there and you will too.

The key is to just turn around, let go of any drama, and focus on yourself. The key is to understand that no amount of talking, yelling, crying, game playing or begging will get the WS to change his/her mind if that's not what they want and/or if they are just not strong enough in the mind, heart and soul to do it. I believe mine is so messed up in the head and so ashamed of himself that he doesn't look at me because I'm the mirror - I hold it up and looking at me and our kids means having to look at himself. 

The real key is to know, somewhere deep down in the midst of all of this pain and mess, that you will survive. One day, you may even believe that the WS not coming back was a blessing in disguise.


----------

