# Parents and my wife



## alcohol

Hi 
I am married for almost 3 years now and love my wife a lot. My relationship with my parents is strained a lot as they did not approve of my marriage and they dont like my wife. We don't meet them often as they live on the other side of the globe. 

My brother is getting married in a few months and my parents keep telling my wife to lose weight before the marriage. This upsets us a lot cause they are ashamed of other people talking about her weight. I have told them to stop this **** and they keep telling me that I always take her side and do not understand them at all. This is just one incidence but the root of the problem is us both not accepting or following the religous group that they follow. 

My distance between them is growing day by day and they keep thinking I am the wrong one. Pls someone help me to achieve a balance between my wife and my parents. 

Thanks
Al


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## Cindy

You are correct in taking your wife's side. Your parents sound shallow and not interested in your happiness. You should remain polite to your parents but refuse to discuss your wife with them. Her weight is no one's business but hers and slightly yours. You should side with your wife, the one you chose to make a new family with, and that keeps you from being caught in the middle. Your parents will have to grow up and eventually learn they will need to respect that boundry with you if they want a relationship with you at all.


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## alcohol

Hi Cindy,
Thank you very much for the positive assurance. We don't have any other marriage problems other than my parents interference. I am ready to stand up for my wife in all situations. 

I have decided to keep her away from my parents for a few weeks and tell them firmly to back off. 

More responses from others will be greatly appreciated. 
Thanks
Al


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## Liza

I am so happy you are not allowing your parents to pressure you and your marriage. If your wife lose weight, it should be because you guys want to, not because of their pressure. :smthumbup:


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## alcohol

Hi Liza,

Thanks for the support. We need it. Things have gone from bad to worse at my end. I conveyed my thoughts to them but they were not in a position to hear my side of the story. It has backfired on me and now I am being blamed for causing them unhappiness and sorrow. My mother became very defensive and now she refuses to talk to me. My father is trying to understand my side of the story but he is in too much pressure to judge well. All this while I have kept my wife away from them or she will get to hear something nasty. 

I don't know what to do. Maybe time will heal. 

Thanks
Al


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## swedish

Hi Al,

I don't even know how you can begin to create a balance between your wife and parents because that would require some compromise on both ends. It's clear your mom is thinking more along the lines of 'my way or the highway' and has put you in a very difficult position. In my view, her not speaking to you only reinforces that you are doing the right thing by supporting your wife. Your mother will either need to wake up and realize that you are a grown man now and can make decisions for yourself, or run the risk of pushing you away. Her behavior seems to be affecting you, your wife and your father. I hope she will some day realize this and learn to accept her family for who they are not who she wants them to be.


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## confusedinTX

I can identify with your wife because my father in law is like your mom. My inlaws are indian and muslim and wanted my husband to go with an arranged marriage which was not something he ever wanted. They freaked when they found out about me (tried bribing, not talking to him, threatened, tried to get him fired, etc). It was unreal. His mom would start to defend us by saying if my husband loved me....but the dad would crush that. Anyhow 8 years later his dad is still hoping for a split even after our 2 weddings (American and Muslim) and our first child. His mom is at least nice to me now. I have requested not to go see them but that my husband and daughter could go but my husband doesn't want that. Anyhow I don't know what your whole situation is but you hinted it might be complicated like ours. What I have come to realize with my father in law that helps is he would be like this with anyone my husband picked because they weren't picked by him. It makes it somewhat easier to take but it is still hard. I have to thank you on behalf of your wife in that you are standing by her. It is hard on you to do but it is the right thing. If you feel like there is nothing your wife can do to make it better then just stand by her. While it doesn't fix what your mom is doing it will mean the world to your wife. We fight about his parents because he doesn't stand up for me and at times defends them over me (sometimes admiting later I was right). There is also the stress factor. If you cput some seperation from yoursrlf and them for awhile maybe they will realize they rather have you then pick fights about your wife. If not it comes down to you have a wife that loves you and as long as you stand by each other you should be ok. Best of luck and if you need to talk let me know.


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## GAsoccerman

I think your parents need to grow up menatlly. They should respect your wife and treat her like a daughter.

Them blaming their "unhappiness" on you is total BS. 

If my mother told me to tell my wife before my sisters wedding, I would have said, Maybe you and my wife can diet and exercise together seeing you also need to lose some weight mom. (for the record my parents were cool in that area)

But sure I had fights with my Step-father involving my wife, he was just a jerk, and I made it clear where I stood. Eventually he came around. Seem's like your dad is trying to.

Just basically tell them, you could ahve gained a Daughter, but now you are losing a son....no one to blame but themselves.

It's all Mental and them worrying about what others think. As soon as you stop worrying about what others think, the better off you are.

Good luck


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## alcohol

Hello swedish, confusedinTX and GAsoccerman, 

Thank you all for your replies. No development on my side yet as they are keeping away from me. Only time will tell. I will keep you all posted. 

Thank you very much. 
Al


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## stav

You are totally right to side with your wife in this. You chose her just as she is, and want to spend the rest of your life with her, and build your own family. 

Your parents are acting like they are the children. I can't believe how shallow they are. Demanding that your wife gets thinner just so they feel better about THIER image? 

Tell them to get stuffed. I would.


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## SageMother

alcohol said:


> Hi
> I am married for almost 3 years now and love my wife a lot. My relationship with my parents is strained a lot as they did not approve of my marriage and they dont like my wife. We don't meet them often as they live on the other side of the globe.
> 
> My brother is getting married in a few months and my parents keep telling my wife to lose weight before the marriage. This upsets us a lot cause they are ashamed of other people talking about her weight. I have told them to stop this **** and they keep telling me that I always take her side and do not understand them at all. This is just one incidence but the root of the problem is us both not accepting or following the religous group that they follow.
> 
> My distance between them is growing day by day and they keep thinking I am the wrong one. Pls someone help me to achieve a balance between my wife and my parents.
> 
> Thanks
> Al


Since you aren't married to your parents, you should probably give them an ultimatum.

Either they accept the way things are or they won't be spending any time with you.

It sounds like, even without your wife, your relationship with your parents isn't too great anyway, IMHO.


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## PixieDust

I feel for you. My parents also hate my husband, and it is horrible.

Your parents, however, seem to have no valid reason to dislike your wife. You are in the right to defend your wife.


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## Lew

My parents hate my wife and I hate them likewise. I have disowned them and my sister altogether, not proudly but had to. Fundamentaly, your wife is your life. If your family has a prob with that aspect of your life then they have a prob with you. I say fkm. You don't live with your parents.


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