# My husband wants to be a handyman



## homemaker (Sep 6, 2009)

My husband is a big talker. He does not think things through realistically, only in best case scenario in terms of how easy a project would be, how it could be built by him, and how much it would cost. Often the cost leaves out tools, supplies/hardware and margin of error needed. 

He talks constantly about things he wants to build and never does. When I show him something in a weekly flyer "Look at this honey, wouldn't this cabinet be great for the end of the hallway?" his reply is "I can build that for less"

I don't want to build it for less because I know it can't be done, or it is not worth the trouble. We fight over this a lot. 

A most recent fight happened a week or so ago with a bed for our oldest child. We are having number two soon and need to move the little one in to a big girl bed. I was looking around for a bed I liked in preparation (she will not have to sleep in the bed until after christmas, so there is no hurry to buy it) Hubby was itching for something to build and I suggested he could build a little toddler bed. For once I was going to support his build. I suggested it, I would not nag about the cost and just let him build a bed for his daughter. I thought we would both be very happy. 

It got bad. He wanted me to help. When I made the suggestion I was not volunteering myself. I thought this was something he could build on his own. I am very pregnant, and we have a toddler who needs constant supervision, I don't know how he expected me to help. 

He said he got fustrated with the progect because I was not enthusiastic about helping. In the assembly process some pieces fell apart, he got fustrated and threw a board. 

In rational thinking he was upset because he was building something without a plan or instructions (again he dove in to it so fast he wasn't ready). When it wasn't going right he felt inadequete that he couldn't build a "simple" bed for his daughter. 

How can I support his interest in woodworking as a hobby without it being such a strain on us? In the future I don't want every project to be a fight when I don't want to help. I need him to see it as a hobby, because right now I think he sees it as a job that we need to share. 

I spend my days and weekends cleaning, laundry, and cooking. He works, and spends his weekends on the couch. I am expected to drop my house chores to help him with his. 

Thoughts, advice, similar stories. Lay it on me!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Just tell him when things calm down..." I am glad you enjoy woodworking...it's not my thing but I support you in it. I just don't like it when we are upset with each other. I don't want to hurt your feelings but I really don't like to do stuff like that. Would it be OK if, in the future, you just did it on your own? That way we won't be arguing and stuff."

Say something like this...You have to communicte these things to him when you are both calm.


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## homemaker (Sep 6, 2009)

wow, that is such a great way to put it. 

You're right, it is best to wait until we are both calm. It will be good to talk about this (it's been over a week, plenty of time to be calm) now instead of my plan to wait until he starts another project and wants me to help. Everything is fine now we're not mad at each other about it, but you're right, it will happen again and instead of waiting until a heated moment I should speak to him now, not the next time we're mad because I don't want to help on the next project.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

homemaker said:


> How can I support his interest in woodworking as a hobby without it being such a strain on us? In the future I don't want every project to be a fight when I don't want to help. I need him to see it as a hobby, because right now I think he sees it as a job that we need to share.



How many hours a week does he work and is his work physical?
If he works a lot and/ or has a physical job... you should let him spend his weekends on the couch if he wants... more so if your a stay at home mom or don't work.

Far as how you can support his interest in woodowrking, I would suggest a subscription to a magazine like "handyman" or 
one that is similar.


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