# Choose Husband or Friend??



## chris_h (Mar 27, 2012)

This is unrelated to myself, this is really just a random question..

Long story short, I just had a debate with a co-worked on this.. If your significant other and best friend hated each other, and if the significant other had good reason and said choose between them or me.. What would you do??

Reason I ask is this just happened to a female co-worker of mine, when I asked what she was going to do she said, she lied to her husband and said she would ditch the best friend, but in reality had no intentions to do so and what he didnt know wouldn't hurt him.. 

We all give each other advice at work, but this one seems more tricky that most.. Can your spouse really force you into a decision like this and tell you who your friends can or can not be??

Can one people really say who they can and cant be friends with??


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

My loyalty is completely with my spouse, no questions asked.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

chris_h said:


> Can your spouse really force you into a decision like this and tell you who your friends can or can not be??
> 
> Can one people really say who they can and cant be friends with??


Well, look at your co-worker, who is lying to her husband about dumping her best friend. She told him she would dump the friend to appease hubs; however, she just sneaks around behind his back with said friend. She is still doing exactly what she wants, although it has gone underground.

Can a spouse "force" their mate to drop a friend? It depends. If a gun is pointed at one's head, that would probably sway in favor of conforming to the request.

Actually, people can and do manipulate, threaten, withhold, rant, whatever to get their way. Sometimes it works. Other times it seems to work (as in the case of your co-worker). And it oftentimes backfires.


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## chris_h (Mar 27, 2012)

I am sure she will get caught at some point, and with the background of the story that she told me, he has vaild points and I am sure he will say something along the lines of I told you to choose and you didnt choose me and he will probably just walk out the door for good..


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> My loyalty is completely with my spouse, no questions asked.


:iagree:


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

It sounds like a control issue. My husband would never give me a choice regardless if he liked her or not. I have a friend he does not like, but he keeps quiet about it.

However, my husband always comes first.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

your friend sounds like a wonderfull trust worthy person.


what a loser.


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## chris_h (Mar 27, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> It sounds like a control issue.


It may come off as one, I guess I kept the opener short to encourage posting, but now I can fill in on the details..

The husband thinks the best friend causes nothing but problems with the marriage, the best friend is very immature and always causing "drama". She does nothing but cheats on her deployed boyfriend and encourages my co-worker do the same.. The best friend has anger issues, my co worker will get text messages all day long from her and she will be pissed off about some random thing spouting off about how they are not really friends and never have been.. And the best friend wants to do is party and drink and she makes my co-worker feel quilty if she does not come and support her.. 

And here is the kicker.. My co-worker comes to work on Monday morning with a swollen black and blue face, I asked her what happened and she said she went to the bar with her best friend and on the way home the friend got lost she my co-worker gave her directions and they ended up being wrong, so the friend lost it and went crazy and it turned into a huge blow up about how they are not really friends and so on, and then the best friends flipped out and started punching my co-worker in the face.. She got out of the car after taking multiple hits. She then called her sleeping husband at 2am and said please come get me its an emergency I will explain when you get here. Right when she got off the phone she realized where she was at and that her car was only about 6 blocks down the street, so she called her husband back and said she would walk to her car, and would be home in 25 minutes and would tell him everything that happened.. So she walked to her car and the best friend was parked next to it and guess what it again turned into a physical fight.. Once they both were tired and bloody they questioned what it was all about and started to laught it off and say it was no big deal and was about something stupid.. Meanwhile the husband is sitting at home waiting for the wife to get home from the emergency she called about.. She doesnt get home for 3 hours, she did not answer any of his calls or text messages because her phone was on slient.. She walked in the door covered in blood with a swollen and bruised face laughing and all he wanted to do was kill her for keeping him so worried.. She filled him in on what happened and he gave her two choice, she could call the police and report an assault or she could get the friend out of her life for good, well 3 choice, because the last was he would leave if one of the other two didnt happen.. She said she would get the friend out of her life for good, which was a lie... 

Personally I think this friend should not be a part of her life, based upon what I have been told, but I am not one to give my opinion unless asked..



chillymorn said:


> your friend sounds like a wonderfull trust worthy person.
> what a loser.


Try co-worker, not friends.. It is a forced friendship because we spend 8 hours a day sitting next to eachother..


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

She is lying to her husband in order to continue seeing someone who beats her up? 

Wow. Train wreck.


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## chris_h (Mar 27, 2012)

Rowan said:


> She is lying to her husband in order to continue seeing someone who beats her up?
> 
> Wow. Train wreck.


she says they are best friend and getting past the physical fight is only proof that its true...


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I have known my Best Friend for nearly all my life and she would never ever raise her hand to me or I to her. That is not a friendship that is an immature joke of a friendship. Her huisband is right she needs to get this person out of her life for good and as soon as possible. That is abuse and it has no place in any relationship. 

I hope your coworker makes better choices for friends. Oh and to answer your first question. If my husband told me to choose between him and a friend of mine, the friend is gone. It is that simple. my life time commitment it to him and our relationship and family and no other.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

WOW

Not only is this woman toxic to the marriage, she is physically dangerous to anyone around her!

This woman has mental health issues! Why would your other friend want to be associated with her anyway? Doesn't she have other friends?

If my wife chose one of her friends over me in a similar situation and I found out about it down the road, I'd walk too!

I truly hope the husband finds out!


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

chris_h said:


> Can one people really say who they can and cant be friends with??


Of course they _can_. You just say something like, "If you contact xxxx again I'll divorce you." It's not complicated. Whether or not they _should_ is an entire other kettle of fish.

Your female coworker, of course, chose the path of dishonor. I don't think it really matters what she does or does not do.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

chris_h said:


> It may come off as one, I guess I kept the opener short to encourage posting, but now I can fill in on the details..
> 
> The husband thinks the best friend causes nothing but problems with the marriage, the best friend is very immature and always causing "drama". She does nothing but cheats on her deployed boyfriend and encourages my co-worker do the same.. The best friend has anger issues, my co worker will get text messages all day long from her and she will be pissed off about some random thing spouting off about how they are not really friends and never have been.. And the best friend wants to do is party and drink and she makes my co-worker feel quilty if she does not come and support her..
> 
> ...


Well, knowing all this now, it's ridiculous. I can't believe your friend even needs her husband to SAY anything about this abusive relationship between his wife and her coworker. Some people. Sheesh!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I'm flabergasted she still wants to be friends with that woman!!! 

Was she in an abusive home as a child and does she miss getting beat black and blue?? It sounds like both the co-worker and her toxic friend have some serious mental issues to deal with. 

If someone started punching me in the face like that, drunk or not, the cops are going to be invovled and charges are going to be pressed!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I don't think that I would give my wife an ultimatum. I would strongly point out how screwed up her friend is, bring up everything negative about her that I could think of and strongly tell my wife how much she needs to get away from that person.
I would also tell her that one day, this "friend" is going to hurt her badly and I don't want to see that happen.

If anyone beat up my wife, it would be very difficult for me to not physically alter that person for life.


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## PrincessMarie (Feb 22, 2012)

I would choose my husband. I had a similar situation happen with my SO and me, though I wanted him to stop talking to his best friend. His BF doesn't even live in the same state anymore and all he does is tell him to date other woman, cheat on me or that cheating is okay. I don't like having friends outside of the few I see three times a year. Outside of the computer, it just seems like everyone is out there to hurt someone else and I've never seen a need to have another person around to keep yourself from being bored. Facebook once a week is all the interaction with backstabbers I need thank you very much.


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## Eternal Embrace (Apr 26, 2012)

PrincessMarie said:


> I would choose my husband. I had a similar situation happen with my SO and me, though I wanted him to stop talking to his best friend. His BF doesn't even live in the same state anymore and all he does is tell him to date other woman, cheat on me or that cheating is okay. I don't like having friends outside of the few I see three times a year. Outside of the computer, it just seems like everyone is out there to hurt someone else and I've never seen a need to have another person around to keep yourself from being bored. Facebook once a week is all the interaction with backstabbers I need thank you very much.


:iagree:I sooo love this and feel the exact same way!!!

As for your co-worker - sounds like she's a whackjob and deserves whatever comes her way when it comes to her so-called best friend. 

To choose this horrible friendship over her husand is disgusting.

When she married that man she took a vow to forsake all others... well, maybe that wasn't in their vows...:scratchhead:


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

Rowan said:


> She is lying to her husband in order to continue seeing someone who beats her up?
> 
> Wow. Train wreck.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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