# is it cheating?



## guitarman (Nov 8, 2012)

Hello all,
I come here often and have posted a time or two, but do more reading than anything else. I have learned a lot from just reading the problems and responses from those here. My question is, and if it has been hashed out a dozen times already I apologize, would you all consider sexting as cheating. I mean obviously it is different from a PA, and if their was no emotion involved I guess it would be different from a EA. So, what is it? Sorry if this is a stupid question, but just something I am wondering about.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Most definitely.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Yep.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

You betcha.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It's the grease on the slippery slope.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Yes.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Is he/she hiding it from the SO? Then, yes.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

badmemory said:


> Is he/she hiding it from the SO? Then, yes.


:iagree:

Exactly!


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Yes. Most definitely.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

If the thought of your spouse finding out frightens you, it's cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## guitarman (Nov 8, 2012)

she was hiding it. Hiding name in phone under a random female name, deleting messages, etc...


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

if you have to ask...then its mostly cheating....here is a good rule of thumb, if you are not okay showing everything to your spouse that you doing with someone else (email. texting, sexting, conversations on the phone) then its cheating.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Here comes another 100 page thread of "yes's".


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## guitarman (Nov 8, 2012)

No need for 100 pages. I get the drift. To clarify I am not the one sexting anybody. I discovered this on my wife's phone.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

guitarman said:


> she was hiding it. Hiding name in phone under a random female name, deleting messages, etc...


Anything you would not do or say in front of your spouse is cheating. She knows it is wrong if she is deleting the messages and she is renaming the contact she really knows it is wrong. 

My friend it is just as bad as and EA or PA. Do you know who the other guy is?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

guitarman said:


> No need for 100 pages. I get the drift. To clarify I am not the one sexting anybody. I discovered this on my wife's phone.


Get info on this guy don't tell your w and if he's married let his w know.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Read this for more help
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

guitarman said:


> No need for 100 pages. I get the drift. To clarify I am not the one sexting anybody. I discovered this on my wife's phone.


If your wife sexting someone does not meet your expectations of a marriage it is cheating.

If you think it's cheating then it is.


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## guitarman (Nov 8, 2012)

Yes, I do know the other guy. She swears nothing physical happened, that it was just texting and nothing else.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Is this the same wife that you suspected of cheating on you back in late 2013? From what I read, all the signs were there. Sounds like she's at it again.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

guitarman said:


> Yes, I do know the other guy. She swears nothing physical happened, that it was just texting and nothing else.


Well to make sure I would stick a voice activated recorder in her car and some in the house and give it a week or so.
Trust but verify.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

OK it was an A and should be treated as such complete with exposure. If you have been here reading then you know what should be done.

My guess is that you really wanted another answer to the questions because you are afraid of what will happen next.

You need to be strong about this and you know it. Expose the A if the POS OM has a wife or GF let them know, Let your families know and tell her that you are not going to put up with that BS and get her to write the NC letter.

If she was talking dirty and sending pics she was not only thinking about f'ing and S'ing him most likely it was going to happen, if if I didn't already.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

To answer all of your questions, here is the way I look at things. 

Would it be OK to do this in front of my father, my mother or me?

The answer is NO, it would not be OK to sextet someone in front of the three above!

That is just me. You might NOT have gotten the EMail that tells you that, there are more single women in the world than single men!

JM2C David


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Why would she have any reason to have him saved under a different name unless something shady is going on... and yes, if you have to ask, "Is xyz cheating..." the default answer will always be "yes!"


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Is this the same wife that you suspected of cheating on you back in late 2013? From what I read, all the signs were there. Sounds like she's at it again.


Yup. It sounds like he just rug-swept her priors. She probably just took it underground.


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## guitarman (Nov 8, 2012)

Ok, to clarify more, Yes, I did suspect something was going on awhile back. Turns out to always trust your gut feeling because I was right. I won't go into that because it has already been hashed out between us and is over. It wasn't physical, but could have very easily turned into that. Anyway, on to the next problem at hand. My gut started bothering me again for various reasons. Same old stuff, distant, stupid amount of time spent on the phone etc... So I logged into her facebook account and found some inappropriate messages between her and another guy. Not flaming inappropriate, just kinda vague inappropriate if that makes any sense. So I started snooping. She guards her phone like a bank vault, but I did manage to get it the other night, and I know the keylock code for it. Well I was scanning her text messages and found one under a female name that seemed odd. Well when I opened it my freaking heart almost exploded. Very obscene talk between her and this guy. Now I figured I knew who it was, but I was going to maker her tell me.
So I walked up to her and threw the phone in her lap and said explain this please. She looked at it and said " its not what you think" Really? Anyway, she tried to lie out of it, and wouldn't tell me who it was, but I did eventually get it out of her. She swears nothing physical happened, that she did it just for the attention, that she doesn't have any feelings for this guy, and was trying to find a way to end it anyway. So thats the story.

And no I didn't rug sweep her prior. It was dealt with at length and this is not the same guy. Of course now I think maybe I didn't deal with it enough.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

You have to treat this like any other A and if you do not she will be back at it with someone else.

Stop being a doormat. This has to be dealt with quickly. You know what you have to do right?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

guitarman said:


> ... My question is, and if it has been hashed out a dozen times already I apologize, would you all consider sexting as cheating. I mean obviously it is different from a PA, and if their was no emotion involved I guess it would be different from a EA. So, what is it? Sorry if this is a stupid question, but just something I am wondering about.


Here's my definition: being "FAITHFUL" means giving 100% of your affection and loyalty to your spouse and only your spouse. If you are sexting with someone, you are giving them some portion of your affection and some portion of your loyalty. You are giving to them what is exclusively your spouse's!

If you are not being "faithful" then you are being "unfaithful" and I don't care if you call it an EA or a PA or what kind of A it is...it is unfaithfulness. So in your instance, I don't care if you label it an EA or PA or whatever. Your wife gave some portion of her affection and loyalty to another man. The End. Unfaithfulness.


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

mahike said:


> Anything you would not do or say in front of your spouse is cheating. She knows it is wrong if she is deleting the messages and she is renaming the contact she really knows it is wrong.
> 
> My friend it is just as bad as and EA or PA. Do you know who the other guy is?


This. If you are hiding, its cheating


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

> *It wasn't physical*, but could have very easily turned into that.


Keeping extra panties in her purse and in her glove box? Taking sexy nighties -- that you'd never seen her wear -- with her out of town? ...and you think it wasn't physical? Bro, I think you've let her lie to you for waaaaay too long. She has been emboldened by it, and now she's up to the same tricks all over again.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Gman,

Oh my!

It sounds so much worse than what you are hoping it is...

You are trusting a liar. Sorry man. Many of us have been in your shoes. She will lie on a stack of Bibles, lives, whatever, in order to keep the lid on this one.

Stop asking her questions, and go detective on her. Follow the advice to us a voice activated recorder (VAR). Look up Weightlifter's threads.

Women don't sext men unless they are open to sex with them. It is unusual if she is close in proximity to him that she would not have had sex with him.

Don't go crazy. Just quietly find out. Your story is echoed hundreds of times in previous threads.

Best of luck.


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## guitarman (Nov 8, 2012)

I do have a VAR from the prior deal, so I may need to freshen up the batteries, just to make sure this is over. Also, I know she is a liar, and I know that one part of me wants to trust that she is telling the truth, while the other is telling me what a stupid bastard I am for believing this.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

guitarman said:


> Yes, I do know the other guy. She swears nothing physical happened, that it was just texting and nothing else.


Logically, the point of which ultimately is...? You know the deal.


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## LostAndContent (Feb 22, 2013)

guitarman said:


> I do have a VAR from the prior deal, so I may need to freshen up the batteries, just to make sure this is over. Also, I know she is a liar, and I know that one part of me wants to trust that she is telling the truth, while the other is telling me what a stupid bastard I am for believing this.


The part telling you you're an idiot is correct. You keep wanting us to ignore that this happened before because "you've moved past it," but the fact that this is the second time something like this has happened is telling. She decided to do this AFTER BEING CAUGHT ONCE ALREADY. 

I realize you want to save your marriage, and that you're afraid to be alone, but it's time to move on guy.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

guitarman said:


> Ok, to clarify more, Yes, I did suspect something was going on awhile back. Turns out to always trust your gut feeling because I was right. I won't go into that because it has already been hashed out between us and is over. It wasn't physical, but could have very easily turned into that. Anyway, on to the next problem at hand. My gut started bothering me again for various reasons. Same old stuff, distant, stupid amount of time spent on the phone etc... So I logged into her facebook account and found some inappropriate messages between her and another guy. Not flaming inappropriate, just kinda vague inappropriate if that makes any sense. So I started snooping. She guards her phone like a bank vault, but I did manage to get it the other night, and I know the keylock code for it. Well I was scanning her text messages and found one under a female name that seemed odd. Well when I opened it my freaking heart almost exploded. Very obscene talk between her and this guy. Now I figured I knew who it was, but I was going to maker her tell me.
> So I walked up to her and threw the phone in her lap and said explain this please. She looked at it and said " its not what you think" Really? Anyway, she tried to lie out of it, and wouldn't tell me who it was, but I did eventually get it out of her. She swears nothing physical happened, that she did it just for the attention, that she doesn't have any feelings for this guy, and was trying to find a way to end it anyway. So thats the story.
> 
> And no I didn't rug sweep her prior. It was dealt with at length and this is not the same guy. Of course now I think maybe I didn't deal with it enough.


Do you notice a pattern.....as in repeated behavior.

What makes you think, even if she promises she won't do it for the 6th, 4th, 12th time (really how do you know how many times she's done this), that she'll ACTUALLY STOP!?

Seriously, what do you get out of this marriage in a positive direction that is worth this?

Your wife will never stop doing this. It's in her nature. It's in her make up. 

You have one course of action at this point. She messed up, you dealt with it, she did it again and again....so you either keep her and be her doormat, because her actions obviously have no consequences or you kick her out with the thought that it will go to divorce. Let HER decide if she's going to truly change to keep the marriage.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

guitarman said:


> she was hiding it. Hiding name in phone under a random female name, deleting messages, etc...


Well there is your answer........ It still cheating whatever way you look at it, In my eyes anyway.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Keeping extra panties in her purse and in her glove box? Taking sexy nighties -- that you'd never seen her wear -- with her out of town? ...and you think it wasn't physical? Bro, I think you've let her lie to you for waaaaay too long. She has been emboldened by it, and now she's up to the same tricks all over again.


Oh come on. EVERYONE has extra underwear floating around...just in case. I have a thong in my wallet (only thing that will fit in there) boxer briefs in my glove box and with the spare tire.

Heck don't get me stated on the spare wardrobe I have in my tool shed. 

You just NEVER know when you're going to have some freak accident and need to do a full change.......

(how's the sarcasm meter reading?)


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

guitarman said:


> I do have a VAR from the prior deal, so I may need to freshen up the batteries, just to make sure this is over. Also, I know she is a liar, and I know that one part of me wants to trust that she is telling the truth, while the other is telling me what a stupid bastard I am for believing this.


Don't go too harsh on yourself. Your heart wants to believe that she is a sweet woman that would not do this.

Your logic tells you that it is highly likely she is deep into a physical affair.

It appears to all of the rest of us that she is cheating by her actions.

If the logical part of you needs more evidence, gather some.

In the end it is not your fault that you trusted her. She is your wife. Blame her for the betrayal. You didn't make her do it.

After round one, you didn't learn. You rugswept. It happens. she simply learned better ways to cheat.

Time to do something different. Don't let your heart continually be crushed by a selfish woman. Better women can be found.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

One more idea to help YOU...

The Healing Heart: The 180

Do the "180" for yourself.

Emotionally pull away from her to allow yourself some renewed strength. Work on yourself. Stop hoping for her to feel sorry for you, and stop chasing her. Let her go.

Improve yourself and you will regain your advantage. In the end you will find that moving on will be much less painful.


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## guitarman (Nov 8, 2012)

I know it is/was cheating. I guess I was just hoping someone would say well it's not as bad as blank, or whatever. I guess that was just wishful thinking. I am also fully aware that this is the second time this or something like this has happened. Believe me, I was there. I also know that she has gotten away with far too much in this marriage. We do have children, so that makes it much harder than it could be. She is supposed to be ending it today, and tonight I will be calling the OM and having a nice discussion with him. If anything was left out of her explanation I hope to gather it from him.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

It's not as bad as her bringing him back to your place and having sex in your bed. 


There does that make it any better???


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

guitarman said:


> I know it is/was cheating. I guess I was just hoping someone would say well it's not as bad as blank, or whatever. I guess that was just wishful thinking. I am also fully aware that this is the second time this or something like this has happened. Believe me, I was there. I also know that she has gotten away with far too much in this marriage. We do have children, so that makes it much harder than it could be. She is supposed to be ending it today, and tonight I will be calling the OM and having a nice discussion with him. If anything was left out of her explanation I hope to gather it from him.


God bless your heart.

I had to end a 23 year marriage with two kids. It sucks.

Realizing the depth of your damage is half of the battle. It simply hurts too much to accept.

There are no painless answers. I swear that continued false reconciliation is worse than a clean break in a divorce.

Your emotional health and sanity can be lost if you continue to try when she is lying and using you.

Your decision to continue is yours. Know that we all go through this and a phase of "limbo" before we decide. In the end it is like losing a limb to a disease. Life goes on, but sometimes part of it has to be removed.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

guitarman said:


> I know it is/was cheating. I guess I was just hoping someone would say well it's not as bad as blank, or whatever. I guess that was just wishful thinking. I am also fully aware that this is the second time this or something like this has happened. Believe me, I was there. I also know that she has gotten away with far too much in this marriage. We do have children, so that makes it much harder than it could be. *She is supposed to be ending it today, and tonight I will be calling the OM and having a nice discussion with him. If anything was left out of her explanation I hope to gather it from him.*


No, she's not calling to end it. She calling to get their stories straight. You can expect to hear the exact same thing from him as you do her.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

guitarman said:


> I know it is/was cheating. I guess I was just hoping someone would say well it's not as bad as blank, or whatever. I guess that was just wishful thinking. I am also fully aware that this is the second time this or something like this has happened. Believe me, I was there. I also know that she has gotten away with far too much in this marriage. We do have children, so that makes it much harder than it could be. _She is supposed to be ending it today_, and tonight I will be calling the OM and having a nice discussion with him. If anything was left out of her explanation I hope to gather it from him.


We hear the doubt in your tone.

Needs to be handwritten letter - approved by you and mailed together.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

> I guess I was just hoping someone would say well it's not as bad as blank, or whatever.


Well, the thing about icebergs...


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

guitarman said:


> I know it is/was cheating. I guess I was just hoping someone would say well it's not as bad as blank, or whatever.


Quite the opposite. I think this is MUCH worse than you have ANY idea. I think if you truly knew what your "wife" has been up to (given both threads), you'd be incredibly mad and would never want to look at her again.



> I guess that was just wishful thinking. I am also fully aware that this is the second time this or something like this has happened.


The wishful thinking is saying that it's only happened twice.



> Believe me, I was there. I also know that she has gotten away with far too much in this marriage. We do have children, so that makes it much harder than it could be.


No it doesn't. It just requires more conviction from you. I had a suitcase out 3 times in my first marriage before I finally pulled the plug. 2 of those times was before my second child was born. I get it. I remember having a suitcase out and my son who was a baby in the crib standing up looking at me....I couldn't go through with it. But that's all emotions driving a decision. When have you ever made an "emotional decision" then looked back on it and applauded the greatness that resulted from that decision. Think logically and figure out what the right path is. Then have the conviction to follow that path.



> She is supposed to be ending it today, and tonight I will be calling the OM and having a nice discussion with him. If anything was left out of her explanation I hope to gather it from him.


Why didn't it end the moment you found out? And why does this matter.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me 974 times......I don't even know how that goes, but it's something with SHAME SHAME SHAME on me.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Well, the thing about icebergs...


LOL. Captain, we seem to be taking on a little water in the forward section!!


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Quite the opposite. I think this is MUCH worse than you have ANY idea. I think if you truly knew what your "wife" has been up to (given both threads), you'd be incredibly mad and would never want to look at her again.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Ya, all of that. Well said.

Guitarman, what exactly is your limit, with regards to how much of her cheating and lying you will put up with?
Ask yourself that question. 

Basically, when is enough, enough?


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Ceegee said:


> We hear the doubt in your tone.
> 
> *Needs to be handwritten letter - approved by you and mailed together.*


Amen to this--none of this "she's supposed to" crap.

Another thing I can't fathom that we hear repeatedly: He/she was TRYING to end it. Trying? What's so effin' hard?

I'm a little cranky today.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Simply put, if your spouse or SO has absolutely no knowledge of the sexting activity that is happening, then you can bet your boots that it's cheating ~ No "and's, if's, or but's!"*


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Gman - 

1. Don't let your wife end this on her terms. NC means no contact. None. A letter approved by you and that is it.

2. If this is not emotional then why hide it and why lie about it.

3. I would say to her, no contact, none via email, text, fb, etc. 

4. Transparency. All passwords, you can check her phone whenever you want, no more FB you can share one together, no deleting texts from her phone. If she balks, resists, says no, you got your answer.


My wife did the same thing in 2010. I went for counseling and my counselor said to me over and over, my wife will do this again and if the guy is local it will be a PA. My wife and I talked about this a dozen times and my wife said it would never happen, it did within a year.

This is very serious. When a woman has a sexual EA (this is what it is) research has shown that over 1/3rd of them take it to the physical level. It is the way women are wired. They get emotionally involved with a guy and they want to consumate their emotional feelings by doing a physical act. Throw in the fact that this was sexually charged it pushes the female to want to have a physical act even more. 

If this guy is local, there is a high likelyhood that this went physical.


I will say again, don't allow your wife to end this on her terms. You take the phone and write don't ever contact me again and leave it at that, and you make sure that any contact from the OM to your wife is immediately reported to you.


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## guitarman (Nov 8, 2012)

I'm not so dumb that I believe the "I was trying to end it" crap. If you want to end it you will. I believe she enjoyed it, I believe it helped her self esteem and she liked knowing that another guy wanted her. Did it go physical? I don't know, she says no, but I don't really believe anything that comes out of her mouth at this point. The more I sit here today and think about this the more enraged I get.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

guitarman said:


> I'm not so dumb that I believe the "I was trying to end it" crap. If you want to end it you will. I believe she enjoyed it, I believe it helped her self esteem and she liked knowing that another guy wanted her. Did it go physical? I don't know, she says no, but I don't really believe anything that comes out of her mouth at this point. The more I sit here today and think about this the more enraged I get.


She needs a choice--tell the truth or you walk.


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## LostAndContent (Feb 22, 2013)

guitarman said:


> I know it is/was cheating. I guess I was just hoping someone would say well it's not as bad as blank, or whatever. I guess that was just wishful thinking. I am also fully aware that this is the second time this or something like this has happened. Believe me, I was there. I also know that she has gotten away with far too much in this marriage. We do have children, so that makes it much harder than it could be. She is supposed to be ending it today, and tonight I will be calling the OM and having a nice discussion with him. If anything was left out of her explanation I hope to gather it from him.


She's supposed to be ending it today? OK, a couple things. 

1. Why didn't she end it right when you confronted her?
2. Why isn't she ending it in front of you? 

I'm sorry dude, but her "Ending" it today is going to pretty much be her and him making sure they have their stories straight on what happened and how far it went. She'll make sure he knows that the "Never had sex", that "No emotions were involved", that she never badmouthed you to him and that "they'll never contact each other again. 

Then he'll give her a new phone number or email address to talk to him whenever you stop being so suspicious. 

You already decided to forgive her before you ever came here. I get the feeling that any advice we give that doesn't let you justify rolling over and letting her walk all over you will fall on deaf ears. Please, for your children's sake, grow a spine and divorce her. Letting her get away with this again and again is setting the complete wrong example for your kids. 

The last time you let her get away with this sheet I'm sure you told yourself "if this ever happens again, I'm gone" 

Now you're grasping at straws by saying "oh this isn't the same situation at all. She says they never had sex. But if this situation ever happens again, I'm gone. I mean it this time."

Who knows? Maybe if she cheats on you two or three more times you'll actually realize it's time to leave, and will be able to find a woman who treats you right. But by then your children will have grown up seeing your example and will have no chance of having healthy relationships themselves.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

guitarman said:


> I'm not so dumb that I believe the "I was trying to end it" crap. If you want to end it you will. I believe she enjoyed it, I believe it helped her self esteem and she liked knowing that another guy wanted her. Did it go physical? I don't know, she says no, but I don't really believe anything that comes out of her mouth at this point. The more I sit here today and think about this the more enraged I get.


The anger is your way of realizing the awful truth. Use it constructively.

Don't react in any self-destructive ways such as drinking, violence, etc. I believe I am preaching to the choir, because it seems you have been too passive. I was that way too. I did get mad eventually and she called the cops. No justification, but I was pretty p!ssed off when I found out.

If I could do my D-day over, I would tell her it was over. No looking back. I would not give her the satisfaction of seeing me hurt or wanting her back.

It is impossible to hide our feelings sometimes. I didn't do well with it.

It is better to have her leave immediately, file for a D, and start the ending. If you have any chance to bring her back, it is only when she has NO POWER over you. She must chase you. Anything short of this is a waste of time.

You will likely begin to see that she is NOT worth your time. You have more value and respect in society. You can do MUCH better. Being a single dad is better than being an enabler to a self-entitled b!tch. I know you love her deeply, but she is not the woman you thought you married.

We all have these bitter lessons to learn.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Eli-Zor said:


> No Contact Letter - information below extracted from another forum





> Once the affair has come to light there must be proper closure to the affair. An agreement must be made between that all contact must end between the Wayward Spouse and the Affair Partner and it must be permanent. There are no if’s, and’s or but’s on this one. This MUST be done for there to be any healing in the marriage. The Wayward Spouse must commit to the No Contact Agreement. Every time the Agreement has been broken the Wayward Spouse must tell the Betrayed Spouse about it as soon as possible. Even if it wasn’t them that broke it, any contact whatsoever should be told immediately. This will build some trust back up in your marriage if this is done every time.
> 
> Writing a No Contact Letter to the Affair Partner is the best way to end the affair. This way everything that needs to be said can be with no interruptions and without adding or saying anything you don’t want said. Doing it over the phone or by email allows things to open back up for the OP to respond...and that's what you are clearly trying to avoid.
> 
> ...





Eli-Zor said:


> Here is an example of a No Contact Letter:





> Dear [put name here],
> 
> The relationship I had with you was thoughtless and cruel. It hurt many people, particularly my spouse, who did not deserve to be treated that way. I am committed to my marriage and determined to make up for all the hurt I've caused my family. I am going to work hard to be the best husband/wife that he/she deserves.
> 
> ...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

guitarman said:


> I'm not so dumb that I believe the "I was trying to end it" crap. If you want to end it you will. I believe she enjoyed it, I believe it helped her self esteem and she liked knowing that another guy wanted her. Did it go physical? I don't know, she says no, but I don't really believe anything that comes out of her mouth at this point. The more I sit here today and think about this the more enraged I get.


Sorry you are here man. I know the anger. When the cheaters give us a line of pure BS, and they expect us to buy it, it does make us feel stupid.

Your anger is all because what she says and what she does is all pure BS and you see it for what it is. The lies are just as bad as the A itself in that it just adds fuel to the fire.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

guitarman said:


> I know it is/was cheating. I guess I was just hoping someone would say well it's not as bad as blank, or whatever. I guess that was just wishful thinking. I am also fully aware that this is the second time this or something like this has happened. Believe me, I was there. I also know that she has gotten away with far too much in this marriage. We do have children, so that makes it much harder than it could be. She is supposed to be ending it today, and tonight I will be calling the OM and having a nice discussion with him. If anything was left out of her explanation I hope to gather it from him.


She is lying and he will have his story straight by the time you talk with him. I would bet they have been having sex all along and the sexting was to fill the time between F's

If you do not handle this as a full blown A kids or not she is going to cheat again. She has not paid a price for her cheating, really has she? Does her Mom know? Did you tell her to get her lying ass out


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

guitarman said:


> I'm not so dumb that I believe the "I was trying to end it" crap. If you want to end it you will. I believe she enjoyed it, I believe it helped her self esteem and she liked knowing that another guy wanted her. Did it go physical? I don't know, she says no, but I don't really believe anything that comes out of her mouth at this point. The more I sit here today and think about this the more enraged I get.


I simply dont understand how people live like this


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

if you want the truth as her to take a polygraph...just in asking that will might determine your answer...is the OM married...did you copy all the text...if he is married i would threat to send them to his wife...he will be long gone. good luck


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Do you know this OM ?

Does he live nearby ?

When you confront him, expect him to lie or abuse you.

Assume they had sex and ask accordingly


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

mahike said:


> Anything you would not do or say in front of your spouse is cheating. She knows it is wrong if she is deleting the messages and she is renaming the contact she really knows it is wrong.
> 
> My friend it is just as bad as and EA or PA. Do you know who the other guy is?


Worse than it being cheating dude, if she's lying and covering up she KNOWS it's cheating.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

does she sext with you?
If she is sexting someone else, are you allowed to read it, does she hide it??

I am ASSuming your answers are no, no, and yes respectively...YES she is cheating!


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Don't stop with your wife and the OM make sure the OM's wife/girlfriend knows that this was happening.

Also, need your wife to write a NC letter you read it and mail it.

She needs to give up her phone .


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## guitarman (Nov 8, 2012)

Well, I know she texted him and told him to stop, absolutely no contact. I read it myself. She has agreed to marriage counseling, offering me free access to her phone, email, facebook, whatever I want. After the text I checked his facebook and it is deleted. I assume he was scared I was going to put something on it. I am still going to call the OM even though she doesn't want me too, because she says it is embarrassing. Like I care. He will be getting a phone call today.


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## DoktorFun (Feb 25, 2014)

rrrbbbttt said:


> Don't stop with your wife and the OM *make sure the OM's wife/girlfriend knows that this was happening.
> 
> Also, need your wife to write a NC letter you read it and mail it.*
> 
> She needs to give up her phone .



This^

Burn it to the ground!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

guitarman said:


> Well, I know she texted him and told him to stop, absolutely no contact. I read it myself. She has agreed to marriage counseling, offering me free access to her phone, email, facebook, whatever I want. After the text I checked his facebook and it is deleted. I assume he was scared I was going to put something on it. I am still going to call the OM even though she doesn't want me too, because she says it is embarrassing. Like I care. He will be getting a phone call today.


Send him a link to cheaterville.com and ask him if he would like to be on it so anytime some one googles his name they will see who he really is.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

mahike said:


> She is lying and he will have his story straight by the time you talk with him. I would bet they have been having sex all along and the sexting was to fill the time between F's
> 
> If you do not handle this as a full blown A kids or not she is going to cheat again. She has not paid a price for her cheating, really has she? Does her Mom know? Did you tell her to get her lying ass out


:iagree:


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

guitarman said:


> Well, I know she texted him and told him to stop, absolutely no contact. I read it myself. She has agreed to marriage counseling, offering me free access to her phone, email, facebook, whatever I want. After the text I checked his facebook and it is deleted. I assume he was scared I was going to put something on it. I am still going to call the OM even though she doesn't want me too, because she says it is embarrassing. Like I care. He will be getting a phone call today.


Summed up here (Brad Paisley - Facebook Friends): Brad Paisley-FaceBook Friends - YouTube


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You should not have told her that you were going to call him - they will get their stories straight and he will be prepared.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> You should not have told her that you were going to call him - they will get their stories straight and he will be prepared.


:iagree:

DING DING DING!!! Give the man his prize!!!


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> Send him a link to cheaterville.com and ask him if he would like to be on it so anytime some one googles his name they will see who he really is.


NEVER EVER THREATEN.

You either do it, or you do'nt do it.

NEVER THREATEN.

You just give people time to PREPARE.


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