# advice please - neglected the wife - wants divorce



## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

Hi I hope you can help

Been together 10.5 years, married 6 years with a 7 year old daughter.

The W dropped the bomb in March that she needed space due to my drinking problem. I had been drinking every night for the last 5 years due to the stress of being a teacher. Many time she told me that she had enough of me drinking. I just shrugged it off as whinning and cultural difference ( she is North American, I'm a Brit). I had said if you don't like it leave - I never thought she would.

Well she had enough at the begin of March and started withdrawing and telling me that she needed space. I was still around but quit drinking apart from for three days when I had a hard time at work.

At two different points we had make-up sex because she didn't want to lose me. We talked about a foreign holiday at Easter but I backed out of it because I wanted to holiday in the UK due to the dog and having a new campervan. 

She want away for a week at the begin of Easter with work and when she came back she was very withdrawn. We had several arguments over the following two week whereby she wanted a divorce. She told me that she no longer loves me. She has started planning her escape by telling the D's school, her work and parents. She has talked about moving into an apartment but that has since changed when I suggested that she stays in the marital whilst it sells. We have come to an agreement on finances and custody. I will be having the daughter for four nights when I move back to parents three miles away.

She is currently in the USA with my daughter and I will be moving out before they return. The problem for her is that she is going to sell the house by herself (I said I will not because I did all the work to buy it last summer and did all the work to buy and sell the old house). I am hoping that she will realise what she is losing when she is home alone four nights a week (probably only three because I am having the D on Saturday nights so that she can go out with workmates).

The problem she will have is that she has no family in the UK and she has cried a few times that she is going to be lonely. She has also cried that she feels a failure that the marriage has not worked..

We have problems with the lack of communication over the last few years and I have been the one to sort out property, vehicles and household bills. She is really upset that I have been nasty to her several times when I have been drunk and once called her fat and several times boring because she wouldn't come out to the bar.

She has withdrawn but she will look me in the eyes when I talk to her and she doesn't flinch when I put my hand on her. I have tried a new tactic over the last few nights by really opening up to her and telling her thinks and saying what I will miss about her. She thinks that I will turn against her again. She did tell me last weekend that she wished I had given up drinking two years ago. I have hardly drank since the begin of March.

I have started counselling to work through my issues and my drink problem. I feel a lot better for not drinking but she has told me before that it hasn't been long enough. I am starting AA this week..

The arguments before was because we have had raw emotions and resentment both ways; the problem is is that I have pushed her further away. 

I am opening up to her and being more honest and caring, and telling her what it is I like/love/care about her as a person. I know she might thing that I am saying yo get her back but I am doing it in a sincere way and I put my hand on her to reassure her.

I am starting to try and fill her love bank and trying to do a 180. I was going to dark her out but she seemed upset that I wanted to cut contact to her.

I have had a read of some ramblings she has wrote and I have discovered that I have pushed her to divorce because the way I acted with the booze and being withdrawn.

I can't go NC or dark with her because I need to support her and help her day-to-day life.

I need to make the changes for me first but also to show her the real me.


Any advice please.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lonely1974 said:


> I am starting to try and fill her love bank and trying to do a 180. I was going to dark her out but she seemed upset that I wanted to cut contact to her.


I don’t get why you are doing the 180. She’s upset and has lost her attachment to you because you have neglected her needs for years. So then you chose to do the 180 and further withdraw from her? Why would you go dark on her? 

It sounds like you have read some Marriage Builder material. What have you read? “Surviving an Affair” is one that I think you need to read. While there may not be an affair going on, the book pretty much describes why she is feeling as she is and what you need to do to win her back if you can.


lonely1974 said:


> I have had a read of some ramblings she has wrote and I have discovered that I have pushed her to divorce because the way I acted with the booze and being withdrawn.


This is not surprising. You neglected her and your marriage.. further you were abusive. I get why she’s leaving. Your use of the word “ramblings” sounds dismissive. Do you feel that way about what she wrote? Do you feel that she is over reacting?


lonely1974 said:


> I can't go NC or dark with her because I need to support her and help her day-to-day life.


There is no reason why you should go NC. How can you fix anything if there is no contact. 


lonely1974 said:


> I need to make the changes for me first but also to show her the real me.


Again, if you go no contact, how can she see positive change that you are making.


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I don’t get why you are doing the 180. She’s upset and has lost her attachment to you because you have neglected her needs for years. So then you chose to do the 180 and further withdraw from her? Why would you go dark on her?
> 
> It sounds like you have read some Marriage Builder material. What have you read? “Surviving an Affair” is one that I think you need to read. While there may not be an affair going on, the book pretty much describes why she is feeling as she is and what you need to do to win her back if you can.
> 
> ...


I did read DB and I may have caught up in the NC and darkness.

I didn't mean ramblings in a negative it should have been thoughts and when I read them I broke down crying. She has been saying for the last few months that I have not walked in her shoes and the strength she had to summon to want to leave the marriage.

I know that I have not met her emotional needs but I felt detached and had low self worth.

I am going to do 180s to make me a better person and support the W and D through this time. Even though it is going to take a lot of courage, I am going to be a rock.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lonely1974 said:


> I did read DB and I may have caught up in the NC and darkness.


I do not recall Divorce Busters telling people to use no contact and darkness to fix a marriage and win their spouse back. DB does talk about doing a 180. It’s not the 180 linked to in my signature block below. The 180 in DB is mostly you looking at your own behaviors and doing a 180 .. exactly the opposite. 

So for example you have a drinking problem. Do a 180 and stop drinking.

You have neglected your wife. So do a 180 and stop neglecting her. Take every opportunity to meet her needs. Over time you will prove that you are there for her.

The other books that I suggest are a very good to use along with DB. They discuss a different way of looking at things that I believe works very well with DB.



lonely1974 said:


> I didn't mean ramblings in a negative it should have been thoughts and when I read them I broke down crying. She has been saying for the last few months that I have not walked in her shows and the strength she had to summon to want to leave the marriage.


It does take a lot of strength to leave a marriage. 


lonely1974 said:


> I know that I have met her emotional needs but I felt detached and had low self worth.


Well you might have felt that way but you had choices. You chose to handle them in a very distrutive manner. So now you have to do the right thing. The best thing that you can do right now is to work on yourself. And also to meet her needs.. again look at the “Surviving an Affair” book to learn about this.

Learn from this that a problem cannot be allowed to fester like you allowed it. You have at attack it with all the strength you have and get all the help you can find. Do not stop asking for help and looking into yourself until you have solved the problem for good.


lonely1974 said:


> I am going to do 180s to make me a better person and support the W and D through this time. Even though it is going to take a lot of courage, I am going to be a rock.


Good for you. I hope you do.

Remember that a divorce is not final until the day that the judge signs it. And there is remarriage. Work on yourself and hopefully over time you will prove yourself, meet her needs and she will come back to you. If not you will be a much better man for a new relationship. IT’s win for you no matter how this turns out.


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I do not recall Divorce Busters telling people to use no contact and darkness to fix a marriage and win their spouse back. DB does talk about doing a 180. It’s not the 180 linked to in my signature block below. The 180 in DB is mostly you looking at your own behaviors and doing a 180 .. exactly the opposite.
> 
> So for example you have a drinking problem. Do a 180 and stop drinking.
> 
> ...


Thank you for these great insights, I welled up when I read your responses.

To quit drinking I am doing the following hobbies:
AA, Counselling, yoga, gym (start off with one night and build up) hopefully salsa dancing, taking my daughter to somewhere new every Sunday, and a parachute jump and bungee jump (to release adrenaline rather than needing alcohol for it.

If I need to drink I will drink coffee (I will end up big a caffeine junkie).

With regards to the relationship - I will be supportive with the daughter and be available when the wife needs me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lonely1974 said:


> Thank you for these great insights, I welled up when I read your responses.
> 
> To quit drinking I am doing the following hobbies:
> AA, Counselling, yoga, gym (start off with one night and build up) hopefully salsa dancing, taking my daughter to somewhere new every Sunday, and a parachute jump and bungee jump (to release adrenaline rather than needing alcohol for it.
> ...


This is good. Very good. Most of your new found activities include physical exercise. That will help you handle the stress from work.

I wonder if your wife would join you at those salsa classes. Tell her you need someone to dance with..


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> This is good. Very good. Most of your new found activities include physical exercise. That will help you handle the stress from work.
> 
> I wonder if your wife would join you at those salsa classes. Tell her you need someone to dance with..


I would like to invite her but we separating next weekend and I don't think she would want to come because she wants closure so that she can move on.

I have put a posting on FB to confess about my problems with alcoholism and apologise to people that I have abused and wronged. I have stated that I am seeking professional help for it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hm, who suggested that you post this on facebook?

Maybe it's me but I would never put something that personal on a public forum that was not anonymous.

Instead talk directly to each and every person who you believed you harmed in person.


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Hm, who suggested that you post this on facebook?
> 
> Maybe it's me but I would never put something that personal on a public forum that was not anonymous.
> 
> Instead talk directly to each and every person who you believed you harmed in person.


I only sent it to close friends i.e. the ones who i have wronged and abused.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lonely1974 said:


> I only sent it to close friends i.e. the ones who i have wronged and abused.


Oh so you did not post it publically. Did you also talk to them in person?


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Oh so you did not post it publically. Did you also talk to them in person?


Not had chance since the live around the world.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

lonely1974 said:


> Not had chance since the live around the world.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think publicly admitting it is part of the steps to recovery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lonely1974 said:


> Not had chance since the live around the world.


Ok, now I get it.


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Ok, now I get it.


I need to do this as a step to recovery and a new life.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Alcoholism damaged your relationship so badly that your wife has abandoned it. Since you have a child together you will have contact. You must now be patient and search for ways to stay in contact without violating her privacy.

If you really manage to give up booze, you'll be a different person. You'll have to find different hobbies to fill the time you used to spend in the pub, where so many people in Britain have their social network. This is a real problem, quitting all the drinking friends who enable each other to drink because they are meeting those who care about them.

How much to do pub companions care about each other really?


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> Alcoholism damaged your relationship so badly that your wife has abandoned it. Since you have a child together you will have contact. You must now be patient and search for ways to stay in contact without violating her privacy.
> 
> If you really manage to give up booze, you'll be a different person. You'll have to find different hobbies to fill the time you used to spend in the pub, where so many people in Britain have their social network. This is a real problem, quitting all the drinking friends who enable each other to drink because they are meeting those who care about them.
> 
> How much to do pub companions care about each other really?


My problem used to be the pub but when we moved last summer I drank every night at home. She has woken up ad decided that this is a future she doesn't want. I completely agree with her because I wouldn't want.

She kept saying that I have not walked in her shoes on how she got to this position. I have done a lot of soul searching and realised what she must have felt to do it.

After reading the inspirational quotes she had copied down last night, I broke down crying asking why she hadn't come to me for a heart-to-heart before. I am not blaming her because she gave me signals beforehand stating that she would leave due to my drinking. I just cast them aside.

I can't believe how much I hurt her and how I have let my daughter down.

I am doing everything to get out of this drunken 'fog' and try to meet her emotional needs. I just hope she lets me back in.

Is there any steps I need to be taking?

Thanks


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

lonely1974 said:


> My problem used to be the pub but when we moved last summer I drank every night at home. She has woken up ad decided that this is a future she doesn't want. I completely agree with her because I wouldn't want.
> 
> She kept saying that I have not walked in her shoes on how she got to this position. I have done a lot of soul searching and realised what she must have felt to do it.
> 
> ...


Well been going to IC it has really been helping to get a perspective on what is happening and has happened. We have neglected each other over the last few years and have not met each others needs. I have kicked the drinking but I have worked out that it is due to low self esteem. I need to work on how to love myself before I can love anyone truly. 

I am going to work on my 180s to show how great she is and what is unique about her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

lonely1974 said:


> Well been going to IC it has really been helping to get a perspective on what is happening and has happened. We have neglected each other over the last few years and have not met each others needs. I have kicked the drinking but I have worked out that it is due to low self esteem. I need to work on how to love myself before I can love anyone truly.
> 
> I am going to work on my 180s to show how great she is and what is unique about her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well they are back in the morning and I will be taking the daughter for three days. I will be having her four nights a week.

I have thought long and have discussed we may counselor about what I have done wrong and what I need to fix.

I didn't validate her feelings or show her true emotions because I was in the fog of my own life and I have withdrew from her because of work and doing work on the house and vehicles.

I was too controlling with money; I will say that at the time she seemed to be ok with that.

I had a dependency on alcohol because I would drink every might and we would arguments over it. I have now stopped this and sought help.

I didn't love myself and was angry with myself over what had happened. I am now begin to love myself and have realised that I have just one life and I am going to live it.

Does anyone have any tips/aadvice How I can date her again?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*Re: Re: advice please - neglected the wife - wants divorce*



lonely1974 said:


> Well they are back in the morning and I will be taking the daughter for three days. I will be having her four nights a week.
> 
> I have thought long and have discussed we may counselor about what I have done wrong and what I need to fix.
> 
> ...


 http://www.5lovelanguages.com 

 https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf 

http://marriedmansexlife.com/the-mindful-attraction-plan/


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

If you stop drinking, go to AA to get support. That will help you realize you are not alone.

Workout.

When you see you wife smile. Be calm. Do be needy. Engage her a little less than she engages you. Don't say that you love her or anything like that.

If she seeks divorce, protect yourself.

Be cheerful. 

You have a good life in front of you. You see it now. If she wants to join you, she may do so.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

A12 or Ms. GP may help you.


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> If you stop drinking, go to AA to get support. That will help you realize you are not alone.
> 
> Workout.
> 
> ...


I am hoping that I show her actions rather than words and loneliness without me, the daughter for 4 days, her family being overseas will help her come out if her MLC.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

lonely1974 said:


> I am hoping that I show her actions rather than words and loneliness without me, the daughter for 4 days, her family being overseas will help her come out if her MLC.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What should I say or do when I pick them up from the airport in the morning?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Be upbeat and confident, but not over clingy. "Happy to see you" not "I missed you". Keep things short. Ask about how things went, then listen, without interjection, but afermation of what you heard. Don't speak of the relationship, unless she does. Even then, keep it short and on topic. Actions, not words. 

Always have a plan. Plan out the day, and the week. Don't ask of her, what you should do. 

Start reading those links today. Put them on your phone/pad, so you can browse them when you can.


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

anchorwatch said:


> Be upbeat and confident, but not over clingy. "Happy to see you" not "I missed you". Keep things short. Ask about how things went, then listen, without interjection, but afermation of what you heard. Don't speak of the relationship, unless she does. Even then, keep it short and on topic. Actions, not words.
> 
> Always have a plan. Plan out the day, and the week. Don't ask of her, what you should do.
> 
> Start reading those links today. Put them on your phone/pad, so you can browse them when you can.


Cheers anchor watch that is great advice. How do you think I need to deal with the future? Do you think that she will miss us when we are not there?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Hello lonely. I can't know if she will miss you or not. I can only say at this point you must do your best to not fall into anxiety about that, as it will interfere with your task at hand. Becoming a better man, father, partner, husband. A better choice. It can be hard not to look for signs of affirmation from her, but that must not be your concern now.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

It's over, don't waste your time. I just went through the same thing, everything you did I did. Women take all this is as you never loved them and detach emotionally. I actually got her back home but she was never really there, she tried and just dropped bomb no. two last night. She's gone, I suggest you work on yourself for the next someone special but your wife will not be back for the long term.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

hesitationmarks said:


> It's over, don't waste your time. I just went through the same thing, everything you did I did. Women take all this is as you never loved them and detach emotionally. I actually got her back home but she was never really there, she tried and just dropped bomb no. two last night. She's gone, I suggest you work on yourself for the next someone special but your wife will not be back for the long term.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know your story. YOur situation might not be the same as his.

The OP is an alcoholic who admits to being drunk for the last 5 years. Before that he spent a lot of time at pubs instead of at home. Now why exactly is his wife wrong for not wanting to be married to an alcoholic who has not met her needs in years?

You are putting all the blame on her as though her not wanting to live with an alcoholic is unreasonable.

That said, I do hope that the OP gets his life back together.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

The alcohol excuse is usually code for an EA or full blown EA/PA combo package. I lived it man. Ask Conrad. He knows.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

The fact is hope is a deadly thing, I lost half my hair trying to meet her emotional needs, prayed, cried a thousand tears, played nice understanding husband, went to IC, everything under the sun. It doesn't work hoping she would come back. Listen to the veterans such as Conrad. This epidemic of WAS is the same pattern every time. You can't make her happy, she is her own person. Sorry bro, I lived this for last seven months, wasted time, I can honestly say I gave it my best shot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Going to AA will not help you. Those meetings are not in themselves going to do much. You have to go, get a sponsor, and work the 12 Steps in earnest with the guidance and advice of your sponsor.

If you were doing that, your sponsor would surely have told you to shove your apologies. They don't mean anything. Don't ever apologize to people you have harmed the way you have. Instead, start acting different. Deeds, not words is what the 12 Steps are about. And you are no where near the amends. Amends are step 9. You skipped right over all the hard work you have to do to get to that point and somehow think an internet posting is a good idea at all. Wrong. Get a sponsor, and get one immediately. A person who has been clean for many years. He will be your confidant, and your mentor and you should follow his advice to the letter.

Not drinking is the easy part. AA is not really about that. It is about a complete change in your outlook on life and you cannot skip a single step to get there. You are trying your own way, and it does not work. So if you are serious, get a sponsor who you will likely have to call daily for a while, and who will help you get through the steps, which will take a long, long time and dedication. There just are no shortcuts here. You are going to the right place, but you have to do it the way it has to be done: with a sponsor, working the steps. That is the real work of AA. The meetings are a side part.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

hesitationmarks said:


> The alcohol excuse is usually code for an EA or full blown EA/PA combo package. I lived it man. Ask Conrad. He knows.


Yea right. Because there is no way that a man who gets drunk every night for 5 years could be an alcoholic.

You are not every man and your wife is not every woman.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

One other thing...get a copy of the Big Book (that is the blue book of AA). Pages 58-63. Read them every day (this is the first 5 pages of How It Works which describes the program, and it will describe how you and the rest of us have tried to manage things and play God. You will need to unlearn that and it will take a lot of work with a person to get there. Seriously...read those pages daily until you have them memorized because you have read them so much). Just some advice from a long distance person who has been through this: Sponsor who has been clean a long time, 12 Steps, Big Book, especially How It Works.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

Sorry Elegirl and guys, i am just so frustrated with my situation and everyone elses is eerily similair. Keep hope alive man. I am just a realist tried everything and nothing worked. Hope you have better luck.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

Also, i dont think you drank alcohol to relieve job stress, that is what i thought was the sorce of my drinking problem, but after much thought, i drank from relationship stressors, men have emotional needs that also need to be met amd my guess is your wife was not meeting these. Amirite


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

hesitationmarks said:


> Sorry Elegirl and guys, i am just so frustrated with my situation and everyone elses is eerily similair. Keep hope alive man. I am just a realist tried everything and nothing worked. Hope you have better luck.


I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time of it. It sucks when that happens. 

Have you pulled back and just started to take care of yourself? It might be your best bet.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

Ele, i have to take care of myself beginning now, i have my son and my sanity to worry about. The first time she left was the hardest, this time i was pretty prepared. Just trying to forget about her, 2014 will go down as the worst year of my 39 on this planet. Just plain tough.


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

Thanks for all the great. To my knowledge she doesn't have a PA because we spent all our time together including during this. Apart from work she has been away from me 4 times to have drinks with friends and she driven and not been out long. I thought that she might be having an EA but rejects this saying that she had come to this realisation herself.

I can move on very quickly from this but it is the family unit i M trying to keep together. I very dearly love her but I have lived and lost before. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Like you said, all you can do right now is work on yourself. There is a chance that as you show true change she will turn around. But that cannot be your focus.


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

lonely1974 said:


> Thanks for all the great. To my knowledge she doesn't have a PA because we spent all our time together including during this. Apart from work she has been away from me 4 times to have drinks with friends and she driven and not been out long. I thought that she might be having an EA but rejects this saying that she had come to this realisation herself.
> 
> I can move on very quickly from this but it is the family unit i M trying to keep together. I very dearly love her but I have lived and lost before.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She might be having EA sometimes I hope she is because she will see that things are not the same as when you are with someone for ten years and are a family unit. I am having an EA with someone I have met recently and it is a distraction but not the same as with the wife.

The problem I have is that when she wanted space we argued and blamed each other for what had gone wrong. At the time I didn't see what I had done to her and she could only see I was at fault and couldn't see that she might also have a had a part in it.

I have since realised my part in it and what she has gone through to get to it. She is currently having a MLC and thinks the grass is greener. I read her notes where she wrote down what an ideal R should be; I don't know any R like that and not even her parents especially not her sister who married for money and prestige. 

I am going to let her fly her wings so that she can see what independence is especially that she claims she was a codependent (damn we all are in Rs).

I know with her family being overseas and only having the daughter three days will mean she is going to have time to think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Lonely,

Have you read bagdon's thread yet?


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

anchorwatch said:


> Lonely,
> 
> Have you read bagdon's thread yet?


Thanks for the heads up.

Well they are home.. She wouldn't look at me the airport when I hugged my daughter.

When I dropped her off I left my daughter in the car and dropped her luggage ooff. She told me that daughter is upset because she wanted the three of us to spend the day together. She didn't want to and I didn't want to. 

When I came home daughter is upset because she wants us to be a family. 

When I was out she tried calling three times (I didn't answer). She then sent me a text saying she had a flat car battery. I was upset because I didn't know what to do. I went up and did it for her and she was thankful for it. I spoke to a friend and he said I should do it to keep in contact with her. I just don't want to be doormat. I have a feeling there is going to be more of these times because I am the only family she has here and she has to sell the house.

I am not going to initiate contact so that I don't beg or plead. At the moment I am happy for the time away because I am hurt but I would like to be in my own house.

I have lots of hair raising things lined up to try and beat the blues and also to show her that I haven't lost my adventurous side.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Dude are you listening to Elegirl at all? Why would you not answer the phone when she called? You have been neglecting her and that behavior shows that you will continue. Do you want your wife back or not? If so, listen! You are trying to do your own thing, your own plan, and it is not going to work for your marriage or sobriety. 

But hey, some people just need more pain in their lives.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

It's okay, you can help her out if a jam. Would you do it for another acquaintance? If it interferes with something you have planed, you don't have to drop everything. You could offer to call the auto club or the local auto shop for her. Just don't linger longer than needed or look for a thank you. Move on to your activities.


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## lonely1974 (Jun 1, 2014)

anchorwatch said:


> It's okay, you can help her out if a jam. Would you fo it for another acquaintance? If it interferes with something you have planed, you don't have to drop everything. You could offer to call the auto club or the local auto shop for her. Just don't linger longer than needed or look for a thank you. Move on to your activities.


I told her that I was shopping and didn't hear it. I am doing a no more Mr nice guy by doing something and not expecting anything in exchange. I was in and straight out and didn't say anything except about the job at hand. I sent her a text asking how it went and she sent one back saying thank you.

I know I need to be more proactive with her.. I always do this type of thing for her before its the emotional needs I neglected. I am not being pushy and saying anything about the relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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