# Is she cheating or am I making this up in my head, like she says.



## 22yearsin (Aug 12, 2018)

Been married 23 years, we are both 42. We have 4 kids, one of them we adopted. Ages range from 24 to 11. Our marriage has been like many, you have good times and you have bad times. 

The first two years was really rough. I was rethinking my decision on getting married. But we hung in there and it worked it self out. As the years passed, my love grew. I have taken her for granted and I hate that. Shes never said anything about it, but I do to myself. 

She doesn't drink or smoke and she dont do any kind of drugs. Shes the girl that made straight A's and loves reading. Me on the other hand, totally the opposite. I was an alcoholic for 5 years, I quit that in 03 and quit smoking in 05. Ive been an addict. Well honestly I'll die an addict.but I'm sober now for 6 years and 2 months. Theres alittle background for you. 

Things have seemed off for along time now. But I'm thankful that I right daily in a journal, well I try to atleast. In April 2017 we took a weekend trip to the beach and the whole weekend I felt like a third wheel. She hardly look at me and she felt distant. Even the car ride felt like my passenger was a stranger. When we got back, we wasnt even in the house and in just came right out and asked did she want to split up? Immediately she started crying and saying that's what I wanted. That I wanted to leave her. I reassured her many times that I didnt want to leave her. That she was the one acting weird. 

Fast forward to july 2018 she had been working long hours and even going in on her days off at times. This one Saturday, I started getting suspicious if she was even there. So I rode up there around 10:30 and just hung out in the bottom parking lot of the park next to where she works. I had been texting off and on to her. Her car was there, but I decided to hang out till lunch.

I did notice that she asked a few times which way I was heading. A white truck pulled up a guy got out and just hung out beside it. I then texted, I forgot to tell her I changed my mind that I was coming by to see her. At that time he picked his phone up and looked up and started back around his truck to get in. I almost could swear that he saw me in the van. Now I had binoculars an the distance is every bit of 3 football fields in between us. 

When he made is way down the hill to exit instead of heading straight out he turned and came toward me. He drove passed and had to come back by me to exit the park and leave. I took video of it and got the plate numbers. I didnt say nothing when I finally pulled up and she came out. 

It wasn't till the next day, when I did that. 

She was beyond pissed and I had asked her to ask her co workers if they mightve knew him. That seemed a quick fix to the situation. It took 3 months of me asking her before she actually asked them. 

Now over time I've looked through her phone, and call log records. Just to come up empty. I had thought she might have a 2nd phone at one time. As of latley I'm almost certain of it. On Dec. 26th she came home and I met her outside to get something I had left in there. Then remember I had left something else and proceeded to lean over to check the center console. Outta no where she asked what I was doing and dont be leaning all over my stuff. I want even touching her stuff. That night I went and got a Sony digital voice recorder. Didnt get nothing that morning and Sunday wasnt looking good either. I was only focused on the ride there and back, big mistake!

I came across what sounds like a truck pulls up at 1pm and at 1:02 a female is heard getting out and talking can be heard as she gets out. Just cant maje it out, but then she says BYE! And it's that bye that kept my eyes open. Cause I believe it's her and with the recent happenings I fully believe it was her. 

Now fast forward to Feb 5th. I'm not a snooper and dont really like it. As I was getting on her laptop, I noticed that her fb was pulled up. And I stumbled across her location history. Well on the 30th of Jan. It had her in a neighborhood behind her work for a hour and twenty two mins. I tried to go about with sealed lips. But that was short lived. Just like before she blew up and saying that it's wrong. 

But on Wednesday Feb 6th at 2pm she cut the locator off. Her reasoning it had lied to me with false information before and she didnt she no reason having it on if thats what it was gonna do. 

Then on the 7th I had picked up the kids and had a job to go do. So I took them to her work and got there right at 5. She had no idea I was coming. There was a Jeep down in the lower lot at the park that I took note of and he didn't look dressed to play no ball. 

Now the next two days she had off and that Friday evening I playfully cupped her boob. She immediately responded with a, whoa! Be gentle my nipples are sore. I said, you might need to go have that seen about. When did you first notice them being sore? She said, Thursday morning. Which was the day before and the day before that is when she cut her locator off. 

Then on Sunday I made another trip up there 20 mins before they closed. When we left I was following her and there just happen to be a jeep that looked I identical to the one there on Thursday. It was backed in a parking spot this time. 

Feb 11th her locator was off and Thursday Feb 14th locator has her in a cultesac near her work from 11:39 to 12:44. Now Monday Feb 18th her locator shows her at work but mine has me at the ballfield park next to her work from 12:47 to 2:08 and that day she was having a meeting with her employees, her message at 12:15 said, staring meeting now. I'll call u when I'm done. I messaged back multiple times from 1:28 to 2:02. She finally messaged back at 2:19 saying, sorry it was along meeting, lots to discuss. I didn't notice my location was there until the next day. And she has no idea how that happened. The only way it could had, would be if she was logged in on my account to keep an eye on my location. 

Thursday Feb 21st the locator was off and when we met at the school I turned it back on. Monday Feb. 25th from 8:12 to 9:51am it has her at the same house grom Jan 30th that's behind her work. And thats it as of now. But I believe shes gonna try something today. With it being Thursday and all. Maybe I'll have some more news this evening.


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## 22yearsin (Aug 12, 2018)

I thought I was making paragraphs, sorry didnt mean it to be one big box


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Go with your gut on this one.
She sounds an awful lot like my ex wife. 
I believe you got cheater on your hands. I'm very sure of it. 
Don't drive yourself crazy over this too long.
You will have to file for D if you any hope of getting the truth out of her.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. What it sounds like to me is that she's emotionally checked out. 

The bigger question you should ask yourself is what will you do if she's cheating? I ask this because if your relationship was on life support before you felt like she was acting weird, then it doesn't really matter if she's cheating or not. Your marriage is headed to divorce regardless. Just go ahead and file and go your separate ways. But if you had an outstanding marriage, were connecting, and the infidelity is a blip on the radar, maybe you'll want to salvage. Recovery after infidelity takes a lot of work. Work that most people do not think is worth it. 

One of the biggest issues with hunting for proof of infidelity is that one can never prove a negative. By that I mean you can keep tracking her every move for the next ten years, not find a single piece of evidence to suggest infidelity, and still doubt that she's faithful. If you and she are not connecting on a deeper level in the marriage, and are just going through the motions, you'll always carry that doubt. Assess your marriage objectively. Were you AND she emotionally connecting, physically affectionate, and loving towards each other before all this started? Or were you just going through the motions of being two people with 24 years of history together?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Those phone locators are very inaccurate at times and sometimes they are spot on. I've seen them off by up to a mile, putting people in a body of water. I would not base any decisions on that. If she is screwing around on you she will take it deep underground now that you have clued her into your suspicion. Go back to acting normal and don't bring it up again. Keep an eye on things. Check your phone bill for repetitive calls from her to the same number. Maybe get a Voice Activated Recorder and put it in her car velcroed under the seat.

Look in my signature line and click on the link for "Standard evidence gathering thread". Lots of good info in there to investigate your suspicions.
@Lila is correct about not being able to prove a negative so try to keep that in mind if you find nothing in a set period of time.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Since she knows you can track her location and is turning it off at times, hire a PI to stake out her work for a week or two. Keep your mouth shut and don't go near her work for that time. You'll find out quickly what is going on.What you need to think about is what you will do if you do confirm cheating.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

at this point i would hire a PI and have her followed...she is definitely up to something.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I can't really tell from your opening post if she is acting suspicious or if you are just VERY detail-oriented. On one hand, there may be some suspicious activity going on. On the other hand....binoculars???

Before this recent concern, has she ever been deceitful or betrayed you? Does she have a pattern of definitively shady behavior? Have either of you ever cheated?

Like I said, she may very well be up to something. Then again, some of your post reminds me of a friend I have who might say, "Last Wednesday my coworker said hello to be twice and smiled. This Wednesday they walked by my office without talking and only smiled once. WHAT COULD THIS MEAN????"


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

It does sound like she is cheating . i think you missed catching her that one day by texting her when you saw that truck just waiting there . and when she said her boobs was sore you should have got a look at them . i would say she is having very kinky sex . i would get a pi or if you have the time i would follow her myself for a few days but don't let her know anything and where you are at and turn your locator off and keep it off but have hers on . when it shows her at that house again that is where you want to go and watch . 

You have to be really sneaky . if you have access to her phone i would be checking it dayly for messages and calls . and maybe put a gps on her car so she can't turn that off and a VAR in her car to . put one anywhere she may get on the phone to talk without you hearing . she is hiding something. 

Keep us updated


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Get a good friend to follow her. 
Someone she does not know very well.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

It will be very hard to catch her if she thinks
you are suspicious. I would back off a little so
she will think you are buying her stories. Have 
someone else follow her for a while. As others have
said a PI or a friend. Wait until you have solid proof
to confront her. You may have blown a good chance, 
if you had waited with the guy in the white truck you might 
already know the truth. Evidence first then confront her.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I found that post too confusing to really get a good grip on things. I think if your suspicions are this strong, then you most likely are correct. I third the suggestion to hire a PI, it doesnt sound like you are really good enough at being inconspicuous. You would probably have your answer within just a couple of days. Listen to your gut.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Like the others said, get a PI to follow her -- she KNOWS you are suspicious and will be extra wary looking for you since you've shown up at her job a few times.

Did you ever get the license plates checked out? A PI can do that for you also.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> I found that post too confusing to really get a good grip on things. I think if your suspicions are this strong, then you most likely are correct. I third the suggestion to hire a PI, it doesnt sound like you are really good enough at being inconspicuous. You would probably have your answer within just a couple of days. Listen to your gut.


And if you can afford up to $100 an hour, a PI would be a good idea.

https://www.angieslist.com/research/private-investigator-services/


> private investigator cost
> For certain services such as background checks, looking up a vehicle registration or identifying a cell phone number, private investigators may charge a flat fee. Most commonly, though, private investigators charge an hourly rate. Depending on your location, complexity of the work and expertise of the private investigator, fees can range from $40 to over $100 per hour with the average somewhere around $50 an hour in the United States.
> 
> Be aware that depending on the work being done, there may be cost to hiring a private investigator beyond the hourly rate. You may need to be prepared to pay expenses such as plane tickets, hotel rooms, long-distance phone calls, equipment costs or gas mileage. Some private investigators may require a deposit or retainer upfront to cover potential expenses.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

OP she is cheating. No doubt. The fellow hanging out around her car. Really, you know in your gut she is not being faithful. Get the intel you need before you confront. As I was told when I first suspected my FWW..EYES OPEN MOUTH SHUT. 

Put a GPS on her vehicle. Good luck.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Your worst mistake is confronting with no evidence. They always go deeper underground.

Mouth shut eyes and ears open.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

22, why didn't you follow up on her odd reply in '17? Anyhow, she's hiding something, and I'd bet it's not
a surprise birthday party.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

She is cheating, it is an exit affair.
You have admitted to being an addict, you have taken her for granted, etc etc. Well this is usually the result of long standing issues surrounding alcoholism/addiction. T
The bottom line is you emotionally neglected her, abandoned her in the throes of your addiction, you probably are sober but you will always be an addict and your first priority is maintaining sobriety, that takes a huge toll on a marriage.

Your wife is doing the wrong thing, she should have left you to your addiction and moved along.........then took up with someone else

In all honesty, did YOU cheat when you were in the throes of your addiction?

And before the lovely people of TAM give me 2x4 for bringing this all up, please remember a marriage with an addict of any sort is not subject to the same thinking or analysis as a normal marraige, it is so much more complicated and very few of them actually make it.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

yes, you can GPS her vehicle very easily, and she can not "turn it off". and she might have false confidence since her phone locator is off, to actually use her car for her trysts.

I used to chime in on these sort of threads that your gut can be wrong half the time, and often she is NOT cheating. But i recently went back thru some of the longer threads on here, and in every case that i gave that advise....30 pages later the OP posts confirmation she is cheating and on how the divorce is going....so i am not going to do that any more.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

You should GPS her car that will show you her location.
It sounds like she may be meeting someone and using 
their car however. Jeep or the white truck person.
Her affair or what ever is going on has now gone 
underground. You were seen by the guy in the white truck
and she knows you saw him. She has deleted everything 
from her laptop, and phone. She most likely has a second 
phone, you can look for it but don't get caught. 

If you have a locator, leave it on and leave it at home if possible.
She is tracking you and wants to know your location for a reason.
She knows you suspect something and right now is going to be more 
cautious. 

Remember do not confront her until you have solid proof.
Who lives in the house near her work and do they drive a jeep ?
Noway she is working that many days, not on Sunday for sure.

You have to let her feel confident that she will not get caught
and that you are not checking things. Then she may slip up.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Kind of silent here, I wonder if this blew up?


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