# 2 Years Dating, 5 Years Marriage with 2 Years Apart



## sd315 (Aug 4, 2015)

My wife and married and three weeks later I was in Japan for my new job. She caught up with my 4 months later and we got to enjoy each others time while looking for an apartment. She went back home to to get the dog and two months later, the three of us were living in a Japanese apartment, and would be our living place for the next 18 months.

I was the the only one working (long hours) and she would be at home with the dog or taking care of the shopping needs, all within a few blocks. We made the weekends work together with little trips here or there that let us both forget out worries and just have fun.

The time was to start coming and I sent her and the dog back first while I took care of selling and mailing our stuff back to the states. There as also the goal of saving money since I will not be employed when I come home. My wife did nothing but spend and party and didn't make an attempt to find work until I came home in September.

With my wife working and having money saved aside for the next year we found and an apartment and I was able to finish my last two semesters of school without the effects of balancing work. I was home to take care of the dog, cat, go grocery shopping, clean up, and cook. My wife also helps in these areas when I had schoolwork that need to be completed that evening. Then...I don't know that happened.

I started to help out more with cleaning and shopping, and cooking dinner. I would ask when she will be home so that I can time dinner correctly...it was always cold when she got home because it was always two more later than what she said. 

I met her work friend once for drinks and was being rude for being nervously silent and then never invited me again, but I remember she was the same quiet when she initially met my friends. I also enjoy just drinking beer and watching sports at home, or just a simple bar. The places she would go were sexually eccentric, with her gay BBF...they are inseparable. He is just the latest. Each time she find a best friend, either boy or girl, that's who she wants to spend her time with, because it's fun, no commitment, and whatever else. I always saw my wife as my best friend, but never felt like one. Didn't feel like a friend sometimes either...I was just her husband. We would fight about that BTW.

All I wanted was to be recognized for my hard work, dedication, efforts, and an acknowledgment of respect as a provider, and emotional support when asked. I would become so frustrated about the absence of these feelings and would express my displeasure as anger and yelling. Nothing was physical...just words.

I went to Tahoe with some friends for the weekend and when I cam home, she was gone with all of her stuff and all I had was a 3-line letter she left behind.

We would still talk and there were times that our love would rekindle, but I was always the blame of her problems. And that year went on and off. I loved her dearly, and literally gave her everything I had when I had nothing myself. I had no job and only what I was receiving from the VA for income, which after paying bills, didn't leave much room for having a life.

Needless to say, that year was a lot of love and even more yelling. I was so upset because I only wanted to be acknowledged for my efforts to keep her happy, but I was only told about what I had done that didn't. It was never what is happening right now, but what happened last year or two years ago.

I got myself together, better living situations, a job, and picked up some hobbies. I wrote her every week and then one day she responds, and from there we have a 10 weeks run of no problems. She gets scares and runs...and she's gone again. Then we did out taxes in February, and from there we had a run that lasted 16 weeks, and now here we are today. For the past 6 weeks I have been dismissed and she tells me that it is over for reals this time...that she means it...and it's not about the success we've had the last year, it's still about what happened two years ago in her mind.

I can't ask her to change, because she must do what she wants. The way things are going though, I have a woman that I have loved for 7 years, no kids, and no closure. History has shown that if I write or try to call once a week, sooner or later something for the positive may happen, but I can't see the future. It's not about finding the right person, it's about loving the person you found.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Umm....

So every time she goes, is she having sex with others?

There is nothing here to save.

Drop her and get a wife. She appears to be some type of super, serial cheater, party girl who keeps you as a landing pad.

Don't waist anymore time. She is a lizard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sd315 (Aug 4, 2015)

I don't think that is necessarily the case. It is obvious that she has trust issues, and possible some sort of personality disorder. But I love her...I truly love here. Yes, if anything, I will come out a better, stronger person from the change and realizations I've made in my life, but other than the silent-treatment, she hasn't done anything else against me that I would call questionable. Now, if her gay BBF turned out to be more than that, I can see an issue, but I am not going to waste time thinking about the least likely thing that could be happening.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ok. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I think you just need to work on making your D as fair and painless as possible at this point.

I know you don't want to look, but this pattern SCREAMS out an on again/off again A with some POSOM.

Only throwing that out there for the times you start driving yourself crazy over the 'why?' to try and comprehend what has happened to your M and life.

Unfortunately, that is probably where you are going to find your answer if you go looking.....your story is similar to many others on here.

Want to guess what nearly all of those H's eventually discovered?

Sorry you have to go through this....but get yourself out ASAP.

And DO NOT let her emotionally pull you back in again....and she WILL try if things go sour with POSOM again.

She has been using you as a Plan B during her A relationship.

Protect yourself from being used like this again in the future.


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