# The first day of my "new" marriage



## Trakeveth

My husband and I have been married 14 years, together 16 and have a 10 year old son. We have been having troubles for quite a while now. To make a very, very long story short...we have both developed bad habits and conditioned responses to each other's behavior.

Ever since our son was born my husband has gotten into the habit of going out without me. I have grown resentful of that, so he would come home from a fun evening and have to "deal with" me.

Since he grew so tired of "dealing with" me, he would simply avoid me. If I called while he was out he would ignore my call. Sometimes he wouldn't even come home, spending the night at a friend's house. When he did come home it was always a very long, drawn out discussion about why his behavior was inappropriate and hurt my feelings. This made him feel as though I was telling him he was a failure as a husband.

I thought I was crying out for attention. He thought I was bashing him. We have both come to realize that we have created quite a tangled web of conditioned responses and learned behaviors - it's like which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Was I biatching because he was running away or was he running away because I was biatching?

Anyway, he came home last night after having left our home for 3 days to take stock of his life. We had a short, but to the point, discussion about the state of our relationship and we agreed that we have both been at fault. We promised each other some changes in behavior and agreed to take one day at a time and work on rebuilding our marriage.

I love my husband so much. I am very hopeful that this is the first day of many steps in the right direction.


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## ButterflyKisses

My H is currently out taking stock in his life also. I don't know how long he'll be gone. I totally get the conditioned responses and learned behaviors. Things get so messed up we just get used to saying our lines and the cycle is hard to break.

Anyway, I wish you luck in your new marriage!


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## Trakeveth

Thanks. One of the things that has helped me is all of the research, reading, counseling and soul-searching I have been doing. I find it especially helpful to learn about the differences in the way men think & feel versus the way women think & feel. Sometimes it seems that we really do come from different planets. :scratchhead:

I feel that if we both love each other enough, we can break through all of the nonsense that got us to where we are and start moving toward a brighter future together.

I am hoping that is the case for me and also for you, ButterflyKisses. I hope you hubby comes home soon and that you are able to resolve your differences, whatever they may be.


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## ButterflyKisses

Trakeveth said:


> Thanks. One of the things that has helped me is all of the research, reading, counseling and soul-searching I have been doing. I find it especially helpful to learn about the differences in the way men think & feel versus the way women think & feel. Sometimes it seems that we really do come from different planets. :scratchhead:
> 
> I feel that if we both love each other enough, we can break through all of the nonsense that got us to where we are and start moving toward a brighter future together.
> 
> I am hoping that is the case for me and also for you, ButterflyKisses. I hope you hubby comes home soon and that you are able to resolve your differences, whatever they may be.


Thanks Trakeveth. I've been doing alot of research also, both by reading books and searching the net. Not to mention picking the guys brains around here!


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