# My Girlfriend is going through depression!!



## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Hi, i have been dating a girl i met now for about 2 months now. She is fantastic, and we are hitting it off...We both love each other etc,etc.. So long story short, when she was young she was raped ..So she has been taking depression meds and anxiety meds since she was 15 yrs old. Apparently over the yrs she is trying to get off of them, will little luck. In the past 2 weeks she told me that she is trying to taper off of them again, as she doesnt wanna take them for the rest of her life.She has been acting different in the way she seems more distant, and less affectionate as she was early on. She thinks she is really fat, and she is skinny of course...She is irritable, and honestly a downer at times to talk to...But i still keep an upbeat attitude with her and be supportive, and try to keep her in a good mood(not always working to make her happy) Just lately its been kinda getting to me that she is so depressed and distant. We generally hang out of weekends as we both work and she has kids during week and is super busy. She also lives about an hour away from. SO i was supposed to go up to see her on friday after work and stay part of weekend. She texted me earlier and say if i would be mad if she just spent the friday evening alone. I said no im not mad. Im trying to not take her mood, etc personal, as i dont think its anything to do with me, but its hard not to at times. She just seems to be withdrawn.. I dont know what to do..Some may say, oh just dump her its still early on in the dating, but i do love her and i see a future together.. Any advice..Thanks


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FishKing said:


> Hi, i have been dating a girl i met now for about 2 months now. She is fantastic, and we are hitting it off...We both love each other etc,etc.. So long story short, when she was young she was raped ..So she has been taking depression meds and anxiety meds since she was 15 yrs old. Apparently over the yrs she is trying to get off of them, will little luck. In the past 2 weeks she told me that she is trying to taper off of them again, as she doesnt wanna take them for the rest of her life.She has been acting different in the way she seems more distant, and less affectionate as she was early on. She thinks she is really fat, and she is skinny of course...She is irritable, and honestly a downer at times to talk to...But i still keep an upbeat attitude with her and be supportive, and try to keep her in a good mood(not always working to make her happy) Just lately its been kinda getting to me that she is so depressed and distant. We generally hang out of weekends as we both work and she has kids during week and is super busy. She also lives about an hour away from. SO i was supposed to go up to see her on friday after work and stay part of weekend. She texted me earlier and say if i would be mad if she just spent the friday evening alone. I said no im not mad. Im trying to not take her mood, etc personal, as i dont think its anything to do with me, but its hard not to at times. She just seems to be withdrawn.. I dont know what to do..Some may say, oh just dump her its still early on in the dating, but i do love her and i see a future together.. Any advice..Thanks


Here is my advice. Hope you will actually take it. Go and read all the threads on here about men and women who over looked "red flags" and got married to people who : won't have sex with them, cheat on them, demoralize them and so on. Now do better than we did and look at these red flags and say "it's not going to be me". Find yourself a happy healthy woman. You deserve it


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Here is my advice. Hope you will actually take it. Go and read all the threads on here about men and women who over looked "red flags" and got married to people who : won't have sex with them, cheat on them, demoralize them and so on. Now do better than we did and look at these red flags and say "it's not going to be me". Find yourself a happy healthy woman. You deserve it


Thanks for your feedback..the thought has crossed my mind let me tell ya. Im thinking that if we did ever end up getting married, would this be how its gonna go?? such a bummer


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

FishKing said:


> Thanks for your feedback..the thought has crossed my mind let me tell ya. Im thinking that if we did ever end up getting married, would this be how its gonna go?? such a bummer


I hate to break it to you, but you're in the high endorphin "honeymoon" phase of the relationship. So odds are, this is as good as it gets.

On the other hand, she IS weaning herself off her meds. She may bounce up from there, it may just take time. On the other other hand, maybe what you're seeing now is the real unmedicated her.

My advice... Give her what support she'll let you give for awhile, but give her space when she asks for it as well. Don't move in with her, don't let her move in with you. Just date, hang out, and see where things go. Plan for a LONG relationship before making anything "permanent". 

And for the love of god. Don't get her pregnant! Don't even let her be in charge of the birth control!

C


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

PBear said:


> I hate to break it to you, but you're in the high endorphin "honeymoon" phase of the relationship. So odds are, this is as good as it gets.
> 
> On the other hand, she IS weaning herself off her meds. She may bounce up from there, it may just take time. On the other other hand, maybe what you're seeing now is the real unmedicated her.
> 
> ...


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

The distance she needs is nothing to do with you, it's part of the depression. She may also just be a person who needs a night/day to herself every now and then, I'm that way and so is my hubby - doesn't mean there's anything wrong 

That said, depression is not easy to live with and is often harder on the people around them than the person themselves. I know this from experience.

If you were married or had been together for years my advice would be different, but given that you've only been dating for 2 months my advice is to really think hard about this...it's only been 2 months, if you end it now, neither of you will be really hurt...be very sure that you can cope with this.

She'll likely be prone to episodes like this for the rest of her life. Can you live with that?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't stop, don't hesitate, don't look back. Run like your butt's on fire! Marriage is hard enough with a healthy partner. Serious as a heart attack. If you latch on to this woman, your life will be that of a mental health care provider for the rest of your days. My wife has depression and bi-polar. Been dealing with this stuff about 12 years. Mine spends about 20 hours a day in bed (and not in a good way). Hook up with this woman and you will cease to exist. You need not have any opinions, any plans, any desires. Her illness will dictate your life. She'll have pills to pop to help her deal with it. You just have to suck it up. I realize it sounds cold and cruel of me, but no mentally ill person would willingly choose to have their disorder. Partnering with one is choosing to do exactly that. Your's is not only mentally ill but she also likes to tinker with her medication dosage. There's no indication in your post that her doctor agrees with her weaning off plan or that he/she even knows about it.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Imagine a girl writing here. Imagine that she was messed up at the moment, she had a good man, though she did not always appreciate him. Her life is turmoil at the moment.

Should she be getting married or having kids? The best thing for her is not a commited relationship at the moment.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Sorry to use a crude metaphor here, but you're still test-driving the car and it's already stalling out on you -- do you really think it's going to be any better when you buy it? 

You can have empathy for her and her problems and still break up with her -- it's neither your responsibility to deal with them nor are you going to be doing her any favors by staying with these misgivings.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FishKing said:


> Thanks for your feedback..the thought has crossed my mind let me tell ya. Im thinking that if we did ever end up getting married, would this be how its gonna go?? such a bummer


Not at all this will get far worse. Likely you'll become the sole focus of all her problems. Avoid the white knight syndrome. You can't save her. In this case save yourself


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't stop, don't hesitate, don't look back. Run like your butt's on fire! Marriage is hard enough with a healthy partner. Serious as a heart attack. If you latch on to this woman, your life will be that of a mental health care provider for the rest of your days. My wife has depression and bi-polar. Been dealing with this stuff about 12 years. Mine spends about 20 hours a day in bed (and not in a good way). Hook up with this woman and you will cease to exist. You need not have any opinions, any plans, any desires. Her illness will dictate your life. She'll have pills to pop to help her deal with it. You just have to suck it up. I realize it sounds cold and cruel of me, but no mentally ill person would willingly choose to have their disorder. Partnering with one is choosing to do exactly that. Your's is not only mentally ill but she also likes to tinker with her medication dosage. There's no indication in your post that her doctor agrees with her weaning off plan or that he/she even knows about it.


i really hear what your saying, and and it had been frustrating for about last week. She said she did talk to her dr, and was told i think to cust dosage in half to wean off. I was talking to my girlfriends good friend and she said she has tried to do this before of getting off meds but was unsuccessful.But she did say she didnt have a support system back then to deal with it. i have seen what depression can do to a person,my dad has gone through depression and anxiety,PTSD, for years, and he tries to play chemist with his meds...one side of me says to just say "F it", but on the other hand i have seen the good side of her and i love it, im going to see her this weekend and will have a serious talk with her...If things were like this all the time, i wouldnt do it.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

John Lee said:


> Sorry to use a crude metaphor here, but you're still test-driving the car and it's already stalling out on you -- do you really think it's going to be any better when you buy it?
> 
> You can have empathy for her and her problems and still break up with her -- it's neither your responsibility to deal with them nor are you going to be doing her any favors by staying with these misgivings.


i like your metaphor,lol Ya im seeing red flags her now, and i will have a serious talk in person with her when i see her saturday.im not going to set myself up to be miserable for the rest of my life if this is how things are going to be


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

frusdil said:


> The distance she needs is nothing to do with you, it's part of the depression. She may also just be a person who needs a night/day to herself every now and then, I'm that way and so is my hubby - doesn't mean there's anything wrong
> 
> That said, depression is not easy to live with and is often harder on the people around them than the person themselves. I know this from experience.
> 
> ...


thanks for your input, it was crazy how fast we hit it off , and we are very comfortable with each other,we have even in a round about way talked about being together rest of our lives..(crazy i know after 2 months),but ive thought about these red flags, and after hearing everyone on here, im really concerned about a relationship with her, and where it would really go. ive seen my dad really struggle with depression and anxiety since i was little. He is a hot mess at times, and for me i cant deal with him alot, have to keep my distance, as he is so depressing and negative :/


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

so im going up to stay a couple days with her, after work tomorrow im driviing up to her house....I will find the right moment to confront her, and see how it goes. I think after this weekend will determine how things are gonna go in this relationship....im not gonna let this go and not say anything....so if things are gonna work out, something has to change like now, or its not gonna work out.....


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Talk is great. It will help her exercise her throat and often means little more than that. Words often lose their meaning before they have left her mouth.

It is ludicrous for a woman who is struggling mentally to get married. Do not sacrifice her future well being to be the white knoght. It is tough, mate, despite how easy many on a messageboard make it sound.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

FishKing said:


> so im going up to stay a couple days with her, after work tomorrow im driviing up to her house....I will find the right moment to confront her, and see how it goes. I think after this weekend will determine how things are gonna go in this relationship....im not gonna let this go and not say anything....so if things are gonna work out, something has to change like now, or its not gonna work out.....


What do you mean "confront her"? She can't change the fact that she suffers from depression for you. What do you mean "something has to change like now"? I feel like you're not getting it. This is about whether you want to be in a relationship with her, she's not going to change.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FishKing said:


> so im going up to stay a couple days with her, after work tomorrow im driviing up to her house....I will find the right moment to confront her, and see how it goes. I think after this weekend will determine how things are gonna go in this relationship....im not gonna let this go and not say anything....so if things are gonna work out, something has to change like now, or its not gonna work out.....


I'm sorry that you haven't chosen to just break this off. Nothing more I can add in this thread so it will be my last post. You are trying to rescue a damsel in distress and you'll end up with a distressed damsel. I hope you get clarity before you marry her or god forbid get is one pregnant. Good luck to you

Wolf

Ps.....don't think I am coming down on you. I was in your situation and had a uncle tell me this same thing about my x wife. I didn't
Listen then either and was biggest mistake in my life. Sometimes the mistakes in life we can't avoid because we choose not to. Some choose the hard road. I know I did


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

FishKing said:


> so im going up to stay a couple days with her, after work tomorrow im driviing up to her house....I will find the right moment to confront her, and see how it goes. I think after this weekend will determine how things are gonna go in this relationship....im not gonna let this go and not say anything....so if things are gonna work out, something has to change like now, or its not gonna work out.....


There is no need to confront. It is a bad idea for her to get married and a bad idea for you to marry her.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Who's saying marriage is in the works?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

FishKing said:


> so im going up to stay a couple days with her, after work tomorrow im driviing up to her house....I will find the right moment to confront her, and see how it goes. I think after this weekend will determine how things are gonna go in this relationship....im not gonna let this go and not say anything....so if things are gonna work out, something has to change like now, or its not gonna work out.....


Actually let me go a step further. What you are proposing to do is WRONG. You would be wronging her by making demands on a mentally unhealthy person to just magically "change." She needs professional help, not your demands. Your responsibility is to get out of the relationship. "Talking" about her problems is just going to make her feel worse -- it would be a very selfish thing to do.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I don't understand. If the medication works, then why does she want to get off of it? 

Now the big question. Sound like she's doing a self diagnosis. Has she consulted her doctor about this or is she doing this on her own? Two to one, the doctor has no knowledge of this and that tells me that your heading for trouble. 

There isn't any difference between having a mental issue and a bad heart. if you need heart medication to keep healthy, you take it. If not, guess what happens. Same thing with depression or any other mental disorder. The medication is there for a purpose and rather than watching her wean herself off of it, maybe you should be telling her to go see her doctor and get his PROFESSIONAL opinion. 

I mean it's only her mind and her health at stake here.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

John Lee said:


> What do you mean "confront her"? She can't change the fact that she suffers from depression for you. What do you mean "something has to change like now"? I feel like you're not getting it. This is about whether you want to be in a relationship with her, she's not going to change.


so after my last post, i went and saw her this weekend..my intention yes was to confront her, was not attempting to back her in a corner and say you better act like this or im leaving..Maybe my last post i was a little frustrated,but i really do love her...The hardest thing for me was that in the beginning she was sooo affectionate(one of the biggest things i liked about her)since being off her meds, she is just the opposite now...When i did talk to her about it, of course if didnt go great, she began to cry and said she feels like crap and just wants to isolate herself from everyone. I told her im there for here, and recommend she see her dr again etc etc... In the end i think it was a good conversation, and she understood how she makes me feel,but again she reassured me that she still feels the same about me and told me not to worry as things are fine...i told her im not trying to make it about me,and basically i know she is gonna be a hot mess for a while, and for me i see the good in here and can see past all this b.s. and feel it will eventually get better.didnt say those exact words...


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> I'm sorry that you haven't chosen to just break this off. Nothing more I can add in this thread so it will be my last post. You are trying to rescue a damsel in distress and you'll end up with a distressed damsel. I hope you get clarity before you marry her or god forbid get is one pregnant. Good luck to you
> 
> Wolf
> 
> ...


for me im not trying to rescue her, just trying to get an understanding of what she is going through and how i can support her. I have never been through depression like that, so cant really relate..and im not getting married anytime soon,**** my divorce is not even finalized yet....


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

so an update: i went up to stay with her for part of weekend, on the drive up to see her was anticipating that she was going to be in a bad mood and unhappy. When i got to her house it was later in the evening, so she seemed tired and kinda depressed. The next morning i helped her do some projects around her house, hung cabinets, did some landscape work etc(love doing that stuff).i finished quickly and told her lets go do some fun stuff, as she really wanted to stay home...We walked on the beach, went shopping, and did a bunch of other fun things, i could tell she was really happy that we were together  Its kinda weird, when im with her i get somewhat of a diff vibe from her vs during the week when we are texting andtalking on the phone.... If i text her just random stuff during week she responds pretty quickly,but if i say hey i miss u and i love you...no response....i dont get it, she was not that way before she stopped taking meds...its like she is not as affectionate as she was.....since she stopped taking meds, when i tell her, i think your beautiful or something like that, she shoots it down and says she is fat etc..


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

FishKing said:


> for me im not trying to rescue her, just trying to get an understanding of what she is going through and how i can support her. I have never been through depression like that, so cant really relate..and im not getting married anytime soon,**** my divorce is not even finalized yet....


Good man. This forum can go to panic stations a little easily. 

Be aware of a couple of things, depression can make someone very self-centered, and being self-centered can make people more depressed. This is not to dismiss the disease as selfishness at all, just the rather banal observation that you are not seeing them at their best.

It is not a good time for you either if you are not even divorced yet, but it is far too easy to write "run away" over the internet.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

Mr The Other said:


> Good man. This forum can go to panic stations a little easily.
> 
> Be aware of a couple of things, depression can make someone very self-centered, and being self-centered can make people more depressed. This is not to dismiss the disease as selfishness at all, just the rather banal observation that you are not seeing them at their best.
> 
> It is not a good time for you either if you are not even divorced yet, but it is far too easy to write "run away" over the internet.


as far as my divorce,my soon to be ex and i have been separated for 2 yrs, and just didnt file for divorce for sometime..My divorce will be finalized in may... Ive heard many different opinions on this site...Sure it would be easy to just say run away,but like i said before, i do love her, and i know she feels the same, and im going to stick it out with her..


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

FishKing said:


> so after my last post, i went and saw her this weekend..my intention yes was to confront her, was not attempting to back her in a corner and say you better act like this or im leaving..Maybe my last post i was a little frustrated,but i really do love her...The hardest thing for me was that in the beginning she was sooo affectionate(one of the biggest things i liked about her)since being off her meds, she is just the opposite now...When i did talk to her about it, of course if didnt go great, she began to cry and said she feels like crap and just wants to isolate herself from everyone. I told her im there for here, and recommend she see her dr again etc etc... In the end i think it was a good conversation, and she understood how she makes me feel,but again she reassured me that she still feels the same about me and told me not to worry as things are fine...i told her im not trying to make it about me,and basically i know she is gonna be a hot mess for a while, and for me i see the good in here and can see past all this b.s. and feel it will eventually get better.didnt say those exact words...


It will "eventually get better"...temporarily. Then it will get worse again. Then better, then worse again. Years from now, there may be permanent improvement. But there may never be. If you want to stay with this woman, you had better be fully aware of what you're signing up for. Don't think you can "fix" or "rescue" her by being "supportive." You are in for a lot of pain and struggle and a very long haul. If it's worth it to you to be with her, then that's your decision, but don't fool yourself into thinking this is just a single episode that will pass.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

John Lee said:


> It will "eventually get better"...temporarily. Then it will get worse again. Then better, then worse again. Years from now, there may be permanent improvement. But there may never be. If you want to stay with this woman, you had better be fully aware of what you're signing up for. Don't think you can "fix" or "rescue" her by being "supportive." You are in for a lot of pain and struggle and a very long haul. If it's worth it to you to be with her, then that's your decision, but don't fool yourself into thinking this is just a single episode that will pass.



i agree with what your saying, im sure she will get better, and ya it will probably happen again.. i think the thing thats the hardest is that i only see her on weekends right now, and she is distant etc etc,but when i am with her she is alot different, She is more happy and appears to be in a better mood etc. Its as though she is even more sad or depressed were not together..so i dunno maybe at some point as we have talked about me living with her that it might work out better...ill just have to feel it out and see,but i know that i cant fix her, and by being supportive to her is nice,but dont think it will fix her either,but again beating her up by giving her crap about being the way she is will not be helpful either.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

FishKing said:


> i agree with what your saying, im sure she will get better, and ya it will probably happen again.. i think the thing thats the hardest is that i only see her on weekends right now, and she is distant etc etc,but when i am with her she is alot different, She is more happy and appears to be in a better mood etc. Its as though she is even more sad or depressed were not together..so i dunno maybe at some point as we have talked about me living with her that it might work out better...ill just have to feel it out and see,but i know that i cant fix her, and by being supportive to her is nice,but dont think it will fix her either,but again beating her up by giving her crap about being the way she is will not be helpful either.


No one suggested you "give her crap." People suggested you end the relationship, which is the right thing to do if you are not willing to face the reality of being in a relationship with someone with severe depression. You have to really look inside yourself -- if you don't want to be with her as she is, you could actually be harming her by staying with her, because you will likely wind up making her feel worse about herself as your resentment and frustration builds and then seeps out in unexpected ways. Don't believe the fantasy that you are somehow doing a good deed for her by staying with her.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Moving in together in the hopes it will "make things better" is like a couple having kids because they think it will fix the problems in their marriage. If you ask me, slowing things down is a better idea, instead of accelerating the relationship to the next level. If you feel the need to do anything, move closer to her so you can spend time together more easily. But not TOO close! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Clinical depression doesn't just go away. I would encourage her to see a psychiatrist, a therapist, and buy a few self help workbooks to on CBT, DBT, or ACT therapies. I have bipolar disorder, which includes many periods of depression. My man has learned what to say and what NOT to say (google it) and he is understanding and supportive.

I didn't get dx'ed til my 3rd child was born, and he had to get up and feed him. He was on disability (a blessing in disguise) but think about if you want kids- will you hire a nanny, or get up yourself at 2 am?

Mental illness is so stigmatized STILL. I have to take my meds, after years of tweaking them, and stints in the loony bin. I know depression isn't seen as serious as bipolar disorder, but it CAN be just as debilitating. Some alternative things to try are fish oil and therapy lamps that give off at least 10,000 lux. Good luck, it isn't easy!


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

PBear said:


> Moving in together in the hopes it will "make things better" is like a couple having kids because they think it will fix the problems in their marriage. If you ask me, slowing things down is a better idea, instead of accelerating the relationship to the next level. If you feel the need to do anything, move closer to her so you can spend time together more easily. But not TOO close!
> 
> I hear ya, that was my plan for now to move closer, and not move together right away! I think if we lived closer together we could spend more time together and get to know each other more. I told her yesterday that i still need to learn more about her, and get to know her more. Its only been 2 months so far
> 
> ...


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

update: We are still working at the relationship. Still spending the weekends with her. She is still up and down some times with her moods.Last couple days she has been really distant, and we havent texted or talked alot. I havent talked or texted with her since yesterday afternoon. I think the thing im trying to do and am getting better with is not taking it personal as i know she is dealing with a bunch of crap....ive tried to take a different approach and give her her space, and not text her a million times or call much. Going to wait for her...I am still waiting around and trying to feel this relationship out, and see if this is going to work or not.. I love her like crazy, but im kinda waiting around and feeling this whole thing out...As much as it would upset me or be sad, i dont know if i could deal with this all the time if things dont eventually change :/


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

FK, in addition to the rape in her young teens, did she suffer any abuse or abandonment in early childhood (e.g., before age five)? Did she have an emotionally unavailable mother? I ask because abuse in early childhood usually is much more damaging -- to one's emotional core -- than abuse in the teens.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

FishKing said:


> update: We are still working at the relationship. Still spending the weekends with her. She is still up and down some times with her moods.Last couple days she has been really distant, and we havent texted or talked alot. I havent talked or texted with her since yesterday afternoon. I think the thing im trying to do and am getting better with is not taking it personal as i know she is dealing with a bunch of crap....ive tried to take a different approach and give her her space, and not text her a million times or call much. Going to wait for her...I am still waiting around and trying to feel this relationship out, and see if this is going to work or not.. I love her like crazy, but im kinda waiting around and feeling this whole thing out...As much as it would upset me or be sad, i dont know if i could deal with this all the time if things dont eventually change :/


Stop saying "if things don't eventually change." You're procrastinating. You have to make a decision about whether you want to be with the woman that she is, not the woman that you imagine she could be some time in the future.


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## FishKing (Jun 28, 2012)

John Lee said:


> Stop saying "if things don't eventually change." You're procrastinating. You have to make a decision about whether you want to be with the woman that she is, not the woman that you imagine she could be some time in the future.


im not procrastinating anything! i just chose to not do what everyone else says,"oh u havent been together that long, so just dump her and move on. The relationship is still somewhat new, so im still learning more about her, and basically i guess seeing if this is something i can deal with for a period of time, or forever!


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

This has bpd written all over it, seriously get out now while you still can


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## zackie (Aug 27, 2013)

You've only been seeing her for 2 months and you're already dealing with these issues? I can tell you, as someone who is married to someone with clinical depression, it ONLY GETS WORSE. My husband wasn't even as bad of a state as your gf is when we were dating, and life the past few years has been nothing but a roller coaster. Realize that people who in a state of depression cannot be in a real, mutually satisfying relationship. You will end up being her caregiver (I already see you are going down that road from your posts) and you will resent her for it.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

FishKing said:


> i have seen what depression can do to a person,my dad has gone through depression and anxiety,PTSD, for years, and he tries to play chemist with his meds...one side of me says to just say "F it", but on the other hand i have seen the good side of her and i love it, im going to see her this weekend and will have a serious talk with her...If things were like this all the time, i wouldnt do it.


You don't think that your growing up with your father has made you codependent? That's probably coloring your outlook just a bit. If someone hasn't already recommended it, you should read up on codependency. 

My wife has clinical depression. She has bad days and less bad days, but in my opinion she has no good days of the type she used to have.


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