# Some days you just can't tell them



## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Most days through our R are ok things go along good times mixed in with some sad but every so often there is a sense of dread that feeling that this will never go away never get better. I look at her if I can and just get that feeling anger disgust hopelessness, I touch her and I swear I feel his hands where he touched her. These feelings usually go away within a day or so, and when she asks me what is wrong how do I tell her, to drag her down and take away the hope she has is wrong. Please let me clarify I do want to work this out, I have committed to making us better stronger if possible, but she doesn't seem to understand how the ugly stuff can come out like this. I guess the length of time this takes may not seem real to them, even with her remorsefulness and the hard work she does I can see this being a raw nerve for a very long time.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Is your first thread?

Jumoing around from thread to thread leaves out what happened and what you have done.

Without this info can't give advice.

Ask the mods to merge your threads.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

theroad said:


> Is your first thread?
> 
> Jumoing around from thread to thread leaves out what happened and what you have done.
> 
> ...


My story isn't any different she had a brief ea went pa once and she continued the ea for about a month afterward. Sprinkle in a few other ea's and a ons several years ago and there you have it. Read it on hear too many times no need for the gory details, we are working on R been about a year. Like everyone I use this place to vent beats the hell out of bringing this up to her all the time I give her enough .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

You have to tell her. If you can't tell her your grievances and feelings then you have no marriage, just room mates who have sex from time to time. 

Some men cannot R. Some can, but need 200% from their waywards. 

If you don't tell her what the problem is she can't do anything about what you're feeling. 

I'm not saying she will be able to either. If she can, then R has a better chance at working, but if she can't do anything(a varied plethora of actions here) to sooth most if not all of the pain then file D. 

No need to be one of the many men and women who reconcile when they actually aren't really able to and are miserable.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

I do tell her when I have things going on just not every time as I said some days are fine and others well not so much. I think there is a limit to what a WS can take all the time after all it is their selfish nature that caused this and that selfishness doesn't go away over night. Even though they understand and are sorry for this doesn't mean their selfishness in other areas of the relationship just go away, it is through the R we hope to mend and build the relationship on equal terms but it takes time. I know some of my problems with this have to do with the depression I struggle with from childhood emotional and physical abuse when you are already damaged this is much harder to get past.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## spideysjs (Oct 3, 2012)

I understand where you are coming from. Here is what my therapist recommended and we have found helpful.
Choose a day of the week to have it all out. Also choice a day to not talk about it at all and let it be a good day. This way we can remember and have good positive feelings and we are not salting that wound every day. It has been helpful for us both and hope this helps you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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