# Wfe has low sex drive



## nirvanaozzy (Jan 11, 2010)

My wife has an extremely low sex drive, sex wasn't always great for her but about a year ago we finally found her "nitch" and she can orgasm now, we might have sex once a week. I am 27 and she is 26. Married almost nine years. This just doesn't feel like often enough, or is it often enough? Also is there anything I can do to boost her drive? Thanks for all feedback.


----------



## Rey (Mar 9, 2010)

hey, you do get tablets to up her sexdrive - maybe try that... or just in general just be more romantic - there's nothing like a bit of romance to spice things up in the bedroom


----------



## lovinmama (Mar 10, 2010)

could you please share this "nitch" ..... i haven't found mine yet


----------



## ICBlueEyes (Jan 27, 2010)

Go with the romance thing. I bet you'll find it makes a HUGE difference!! 

It's definitely something I wish someone would teach my husband... we have sex at least two or three times a week but it would be a lot more if he were more romantic toward me.


----------



## evilnice (Mar 10, 2010)

it seems to me you don't suit each other... what about other sides of ur life? is everything ok?


----------



## lost2010 (Feb 26, 2010)

There could be other factors too. I know personally, my husband seems to be groping and kissing on me (sexually not romantically) damn near constanly. Talks about and wants sex pretty much 24/7. It kinda slows my drive down, feel more like a blow up doll thatn a wife sometimes. 

I agree to trying the romance thing. Show her that she means more than sex to you. I know a lot of men (and women) think that their SO should already know how you feel, but sometimes that sense of knowing gets lost when you feel like something is missing. 

I don't know how the sex goes with you guys, but maybe try the next time you do get to have it making it all about her. (maybe even on the same night of a romantic evening) then when it comes time to come to the bedroom lots of taking care of her.


----------



## YasminTiaraMacDonald (Mar 10, 2010)

Has he been to the doctor to rule out a physical problem?


----------



## nirvanaozzy (Jan 11, 2010)

What are some romantic ideas you all have that I could try, I am willing to try anything. I admit that I do treat her like a blowup doll sometimes, groping and grabbing, which I am trying to stop doing, but what romantic ideas do you have? Thanks!


----------



## ICBlueEyes (Jan 27, 2010)

Some romantic ideas:

Bringing home a bouquet of her favorite flowers some random day after work and when she asks what the occasion is you shrug and say; "I was just thinking of you today and these reminded me of how beautiful you are."

If she's had a particularly hard day (or, again, for no particular reason) draw her a fragrant bubble bath, light candles, put her favorite CD in the stereo and tell her to go relax. Then give her a massage. 

Take her for a picnic in the park some warm, sunny Saturday afternoon.

Suggest the two of you take a romantic weekend getaway at a quaint little B&B in the country.

Treat her to her favorite leisure activity some weekend.

Surprise her with a homemade, romantic dinner for two in your own dining room. This is a setting where candles, soft music, wine and her favorite flowers will go a loooooong way. : )

And finally, instead of groping and grabbing try caressing, nuzzling and just holding her in a loving, affectionate yet not necessarily sexual way.

I hope this helps. :bunny:


----------



## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

nirvanaozzy said:


> What are some romantic ideas you all have that I could try, I am willing to try anything.


Ballroom dance lessons. Women *love* dancing. You're touching each other; she has to follow your lead and pay attention to what you do so she can follow. You're the dominant partner in a completely fun and non-domineering activity. There's nice music, your bodies move together, and you don't have to talk all that much.

You might be a little awkward and clumsy at first, but that's okay because you're just starting out. You'll get better with time.

Whenever I want to initiate sex, it absolutely never fails to go to my wife, pull her around into a dancing position, and start moving as if there were music playing. She smiles and starts moving too, and after a minute or so I'll stop and kiss her.

(The first week we did tango, after we got home from the class she practically dragged me to the bedroom and pulled all my clothes off.)

Sign up for ballroom dancing lessons. Trust me.


----------



## Bryant31 (Mar 3, 2010)

Get some liquid V, and a weekend prince pill, with the wedge from liberator.com and the rocking rabbit. And you got you one HELL of an evening.


----------



## nirvanaozzy (Jan 11, 2010)

Ugh, last night I tried EVERYTHING! I made her dinner, surprised her with some flowers when she got home. Took a shower with her, gave her a massage in the shower. Got into bed, rubbed her hands and feet. She started to touch me but then stopped and went to sleep. Ugh, what is going on?!?!


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You aren't supposed to be doing these things just to get sex, that's what went wrong. More later.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Have you tried talking to her about how YOU are feeling, that you desire to have MORE intimacy with her, that you are indeed frustrated. My husband suffered in silence for many many years, sure he threw little hints here & there, but I was stupid, I didn't pick up on them. He really Never sat me down & told me HOW HE WAS FEELING. Not sure how your wife is, but that ticked me off-when I learned this later in life, cause I am someone who is very open & want to hear how he is feeling /thinking , even if it would have meant ME stepping up & doing more for him, during that time. 

How do you feel your wife will respond if you bring up this kind of conversation? I can't imagine any woman not wanting to hear how her husband desires and longs for her -romantically/sexually. But of coarse they are out there, hence some of the men who come here to share their frustration. 

Does she outright reject you, and how often? 

Is she on hormonal birth control ? This can lower a woman's sex drive -sometimes a little, sometimes alot.


----------



## LauraR (Apr 25, 2010)

Hi,
The good news is that there are possible prescription and nonprescription solutions (below). Just be aware that figuring out how to increase the female sex drive is complicated because the desire to make love is influenced by so many factors including physical, emotional, relationship satisfaction, and the setting you are in. Possible causes of low sex drive in women include stress or anxiety, medications (anti-depressants, birth control pills) complexity of health issues (Diabetes, MS, cancer) and fatigue.

Of course, you should ask her to talk with her doctor about this. Here is a list of possible steps you can take:
• Ask her to have her doctor check her thyroid function.
• Ask her to check if there are any sexual side effects of any medications that she may be taking.

• Zestra (nonprescription)
Two placebo-controlled studies published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that this proprietary blend of botanicals (including borage seed and evening primrose oils, Angelica root and vitamins C and E) provided a significant increase in arousal, desire, genital stimulation, ability to orgasm and pleasure. The treatment also worked equally well on women using SSRI antidepressant medicines. Although it is nonprescription, she should talk to her doctor first before using this or anything else.

• Hormone Therapies (prescription)
Localized estrogen therapy - Placing estrogen directly into the vagina soothes vaginal tissue, and allows the secretions necessary for comfortable sex. They are available as suppository tablets, creams, or "rings," which sit inside the vagina and give off small doses of the hormone over time.
Compounded testosterone cream - Some pharmacies that make medicine from scratch offer testosterone creams and gels, but you'll need a doctor’s prescription.

• Vitamin E (nonprescription)
When used locally in the vagina it can help rehydrate tissue and may possibly increase sensation. Although it is nonprescription, she should talk to her doctor first before using this or anything else.


----------



## Young and Confused (Mar 16, 2010)

From experience, I know what situation you are in. My fiance and I have recently been in a fight and partly about my low sex drive. When I found out that me not giving him some form of relief was like kicking him in the nuts, I felt horrible. I didn't realize as a woman that it had that much affect on him because it has no affect on me. 

Some advice that I gave him was to help me a little around the house. If he would just pick up clothes here and there or put dishes in the dishwasher, anything simple yet helpful would put me more in the mood. I would have less to do around the house and have more time for us to have our fun. 

This may not be the case with you but it is just something to think about. Also, the more time you spend making sure she is ready for sex, the better it will be for her because it shows that you care and are not just doing it for yourself.


----------



## cosmowriter (May 18, 2010)

Hello

I'm writing an article on young women (18-30) who have little or no interest in sex for Cosmopolitan magazine.

This problem is more common than you'd expect; women in their twenties actually have the same level of low desire as post-menopausal women but get far more distressed about it.

If anyone has a story that they'd like to share with Cosmo, do get in touch. My email is [email protected]. We will, of course, provide pseudonyms and stories will be treated with the upmost confidentiality.

Thanks!


----------

