# Wife lying about porn/ vibrator -advice?



## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

My partner and I have a complex relationship. We study Tantra and the first 18 months were unbelievable. Best sex ever for both of us. Super hot, kinky, open, experimental and to the stage where we literally were sharing orgasms. Since then we've had a daily practice -we make love 7 days a week. 

We do have some trust issues - in the beginning she hooked up with a few men and lied about it for6 months. She finally came clean when I threatened to break it off. It took many months of effort on both our parts to rebuild trust. 

About a year ago she had an accident - zipped her clit in her pants (yep, ouch!). Took about 3 months to heal. When it did, she was uncomfortable with me touching or licking her. Until that stage, I could bring an orgasm from her clit with a slight touch or flick of the tongue. But after, every time I'd touch her she'd squirm uncomfortably. Sometimes she's able to set aside her issues but most often she just wants one or two positions angd is no longer adventurous. 

We'd always played with porn together a bit and I learned about 18 months ago she was watching it on her own. Further investigation revealed she was actually watching some really hard core porn once a week. I had no problem with it but it didn't jibe with her story of her clit being too sensitive. 

I started using porn myself as the sex was getting vanilla - I shared this with her and that's when **** went sideways. She got pissed off and told me I was wasting my seed and didn't want me masticating to porn without her. I confronted her about her porn use and she lied. This created a deeper division between us. She continues to watch porn and use her vibrator and lies about it -- and now she even says she doesn't even use the vibrator. I know for a fact it's a lie as she leaves soaking wet towels around and her internet history tells a different story. 

I do everything to keep things fresh. I take her on surprise dates, dinners, parties. I make her laugh, am naturally funny/****y/ I fix stuff around the house, take her on vacations, etc. She's constantly telling me how in love she is with me so on the surface, one would think we are good. However, the sex has gotten really vanilla. I'm barely ever aloud to touch her or do anything beside penetration. She just wants 1-2 positions of penetration and gives the occasional blowjob. I've tried to get her to open up and experiment, try B&D, role playing, etc. She's not interested and she won't admit there's a problem. 

Just recently she's been saying that there's to much pressure for it be a certain way and as a result she shuts down. What is hard for me is that "certain way" is great versus what we have now which is mediocre. She seems fine with that but I'm not. 

I've asked her to bring her masturbation to the bedroom like I have and yet she will no longer self pleasure with me in the room (she used to do it regularly). She does have vaginal orgasms but they are not like the old days and she seems bored and uninterested. She claims that it's too uncomfortable with me there now. 

Recently she got some psoriasis on her labia. She legitimately said she was going to take a break to let it heal. But then she continued to Use her vibrator despite her skin issue....clearly she was using it as an excuse 

I don't know what to do. I want our old life back. I don't want to confront her because I'm afraid she'll feel ashamed and retreat deeper into herself. I want her to open up - but I also need to get her to tell me the truth. If she's lying about porn and masturbating, how do I know she's not secretly boinking someone else and lying about that too? 

Also, I really don't like the double standard that she expects me to save myself for our mediocre lovemaking but then she gets to use her vibrator (and lie about it).

What to do?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

How the hell did she manage to zip her clit in her pants? Ouch! Never mind, I don't want to know...

Sadly, I have no advice... I wonder if perhaps she's become addicted to the porn? I've seen women on here writing about their husbands becoming addicted to porn and using it to replace intimacy in their marriage, displaying similar behavior to that of your wife. 

The double standard is certainly a problem, as is the lying about her own habits, in addition to everything else.

I experienced a very similar thing with my XH... there was nothing I was able to do to fix it. You have my sympathies, man--I hope someone here can offer you some good advice.

How is the rest of your relationship? Many times, problems in the bedroom are really symptomatic of other problems in the marriage. Is there any chance that she's getting some strange on the side? And saving the best for the other guy? If she is, she may feel like she's cheating on him when she has sex with you, hence the less frequent and meh quality sex, and her now feeling that she is "uncomfortable" masturbating in front of you.


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

I don't think it's a porn addiction. She only masturbates 1-4 x a month that I can tell. She's rarely alone in the house and I work from home.

The rest of the relationship is mixed. We have ups and downs. There our court trust issues. I don't trust her because of cheating and she doesn't trust me because of the snooping. We both are trying and there is still deep connection, love and laughs. But also tons of anxiety and heartache. We also have massive communication issues. I walk on eggshells a lot and when I try Toby talk about my feelings or ask her about things she's doing that are suspicious to me, she flips out and we end up in a fight. I do see both sides...she thinks I believe she's cheating or sneaking around and as a result she's defensive.

Is she seeing someone and saving the best for them? I honestly don't know. There are signs. She's a fitness instructor and there are many hours in her day unaccounted for. She says she likes to "wander" -- so on a given Tuesday she may go to the beach for al one walk, the gym, a yoga class and suddenly 6 hours are gone. When I question her she gets very defensive. Then there are sexy clothes in her trunk that have never been in the house..I've never seen them. She's hyper protective of her phone and claims she has snap chat to make funny pictures. I walked in on her taking a semi nude selfie the other day and she got embarrassed...said it was an art project. Then when confronted she got very defensive. 

We do make love 6-7 days a week so I do feel if she had some side ass that she would cut our frequency down.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Calidad1 said:


> Is she seeing someone and saving the best for them? I honestly don't know. There are signs. She's a fitness instructor and there are many hours in her day unaccounted for. She says she likes to "wander" -- so on a given Tuesday she may go to the beach for al one walk, the gym, a yoga class and suddenly 6 hours are gone. When I question her she gets very defensive. Then there are sexy clothes in her trunk that have never been in the house..I've never seen them. She's hyper protective of her phone and claims she has snap chat to make funny pictures. I walked in on her taking a semi nude selfie the other day and she got embarrassed...said it was an art project. Then when confronted she got very defensive.
> 
> We do make love 6-7 days a week so I do feel if she had some side ass that she would cut our frequency down.


This is all very suspicious. VERY suspicious. I hate to say it, but all this stuff, combined with her previous history... indicates that she is likely stepping out on you. Some cheaters maintain frequency of sex with their spouses to a) throw them off the trail, or b) in some cases, cheating makes them even hornier, so they want MORE sex with their spouse. Weird, right?

At any rate, you need to get to the bottom of it. You need to either rule out cheating, or find out if she is.

First off, don't panic. Don't let her know that you suspect anything, act just the way you always have. If she thinks you suspect her, it will drive the cheating further underground, and she will be harder to catch. Read this post for more info on how you can gather the evidence that you need: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html

If there isn't any evidence, she is either very tricky or she isn't having an affair. But she's already been sloppy with leaving the clothes where you could find them, take semi-nude photos when you could walk in on her. So I think the proof will be easy to find. As protective as she is of her phone, I would lay odds that the evidence is on her phone.

Don't confront until you have documented all the evidence/have copies in a safe place where she cannot access it. And before you confront, you should already know what your next plan steps are.

Good luck.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yeah, she's cheating. Very obvious.
Just break up. Save some dignity.
It's clear she no longer wants you sexually, probably not for anything else. 
Lots of women out there. No reason to be overly upset. She's not your wife.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Art project? Hell,she doesn't even care enough to lie well, or she's an idiot. You choose which.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Calidad1 said:


> My partner and I have a complex relationship. We study Tantra and the first 18 months were unbelievable. Best sex ever for both of us. Super hot, kinky, open, experimental and to the stage where we literally were sharing orgasms. Since then we've had a daily practice -we make love 7 days a week.
> 
> We do have some trust issues - in the beginning she hooked up with a few men and lied about it for6 months. She finally came clean when I threatened to break it off. It took many months of effort on both our parts to rebuild trust.
> 
> ...



Buy her this and leave it on her side of the bed as a surprise.

Home - Magic Wand Original - the Magic Wand Massager


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Buy her this and leave it on her side of the bed as a surprise.
> 
> Home - Magic Wand Original - the Magic Wand Massager


Why waste the money on a woman who doesn't deserve it? If she wants a wand, she can spend her own damn money. Or get her AP to buy her one.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Sounds like she looks at sex with you as ''pressure to be a certain way'' and work, sadly. That is why she prefers masturbating and porn, because it doesn't require intimacy. It's intimacy that she seems afraid of, not actual sex. If it were actual orgasms/sex, then she wouldn't masturbate or view porn at all. So, maybe get to the heart of why she doesn't want to be intimate with you, and go from there?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

FeministInPink said:


> Why waste the money on a woman who doesn't deserve it? If she wants a wand, she can spend her own damn money. Or get her AP to buy her one.



Nice and refreshing to hear that.:smthumbup:


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Calidad1 said:


> My partner and I have a complex relationship. We study Tantra and the first 18 months were unbelievable. Best sex ever for both of us. Super hot, kinky, open, experimental and to the stage where we literally were sharing orgasms. Since then we've had a daily practice -we make love 7 days a week.
> 
> We do have some trust issues - in the beginning she hooked up with a few men and lied about it for6 months. She finally came clean when I threatened to break it off. It took many months of effort on both our parts to rebuild trust.
> 
> ...


My guess? Her former PIV orgasms were a lie. She was faking it. 

She can get off with masturbation. Initially, she thought you were inadequate, hence the hook-ups with other men, trying other fresh flesh-sticks on for size, fit and action. 

She was desperately trying to find her groove. For any man to properly pleasure her groove, for any man to man-handle it into sexual submission leading to the big O.

The other guys had no better luck in getting her off than you did. That is a lucky thing for you. Unlucky for her.

As far as her clitoris getting caught in her zipper? That is total BS. She flogged that thing mercilessly. She beat the poor sweet thing so hard, it is red, chafed and a sorry sight to behold.

She told you these things to get you away from the truth. She knew when you were poking your nose down there it would it stick out like a sore thumb. That is because the little thing is sore.

She gives you vanilla sex to keep you satisfied. She will empty your sack but not with relish. 

She is not having a good time with reality. She has a high sex drive. She LOVES sex, loves getting off, but cannot do it going PIV.

She can get off using porn and much hand and vibrator [other tools?] action. But her aftermath "state of flesh" is painful. 

Her sweet clit is being abused. Do not call in Child Protective Services.

Let her know that you are aware of her pre-dikament. Let her know that you will work with her in any way that you can. 

Let yourself know that this generosity and love may not be returned....returned inkind...in kind ways.

You may have to move on. Sexual issues grow way out proportion; at first slowly and then later on, they race down hill to the separating terrain below.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm not buying the clit injury story at all! She would have to have a very large clit with almost no clit hood covering it, which is unusual, AND she would have to be zipping her pants while her pelvis is tilted forward and while that jibes with super tight pants it doesn't jibe with accidental clit injury.

Also, you said she is watching extreme porn? What kind of porn?

Did you ever see this injuries clit? Does her clit stick out from her labia to such an extent that she caught it in a zipper?

Either this story is false or your GF's story is false.

Pick one.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I own a gym and I have over fifty female employees,all fit young women with great bodies and confidence to match.They talk about sex the way men talk about football.There is no way these girls would suddenly stop having sex,they work too hard on their bodies for that to happen.
If your girlfriend is not having sex with you,she is having it wth someone else.


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

Thanks Diedre,

Yes makes sense. We used to eye gaze and share breath and now days her eyes are closed and head turned. She rarely kisses during the act.

She blames the intimacy issues on the fact that she caught me snooping 6 months ago. She says she doesn't want to be "seen". Frankly I think there's more to her story with other men than she's let on. When we go deep, i feel it opens her up and she feels guilt for cheating and lying. Maybe it's both...or neither. 🙄Hard to say for sure. 

I can re approach from a place of empathy. She just this weekend gave herself some private time when I was out (I know thanks to browser history). Maybe it's a good time to dive deeper into why she has such a hard time with intimacy and what can we do to solve it? Any advice on how to broach the subject?



*Deidre* said:


> Sounds like she looks at sex with you as ''pressure to be a certain way'' and work, sadly. That is why she prefers masturbating and porn, because it doesn't require intimacy. It's intimacy that she seems afraid of, not actual sex. If it were actual orgasms/sex, then she wouldn't masturbate or view porn at all. So, maybe get to the heart of why she doesn't want to be intimate with you, and go from there?


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

Thanks Fem, 

Question is how? She has private clients during the day and at night and if she is ****ign around it will be very difficult to catch unless I follow her around for a week.

My gut actually says she's not cheating now. But that she has more to confess about our past. The clothes and the selfie are def red flags. She busted me for snooping 8 months ago so I'm sure the phone is clean. She may be using Snapchat which has no chat record.

If I were to confront just to ask about these things that are bothering me, what's the best way to approach the subject?



FeministInPink said:


> This is all very suspicious. VERY suspicious. I hate to say it, but all this stuff, combined with her previous history... indicates that she is likely stepping out on you. Some cheaters maintain frequency of sex with their spouses to a) throw them off the trail, or b) in some cases, cheating makes them even hornier, so they want MORE sex with their spouse. Weird, right?
> 
> At any rate, you need to get to the bottom of it. You need to either rule out cheating, or find out if she is.
> 
> ...


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sorry dude but I am going to say it. Once a cheater always a cheater. This is probably what is really going on with the brakes. Character doesn't just change without hard work. What has she done to fix herself besides apologizing. I bet it you creep down the rabbit hole a little deeper you will find that she has been cheating this whole time. She may love your emotionally in her own way, like you provide her safety in that way, but it doesn't sound like she does sexually.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Calidad1 said:


> I don't think it's a porn addiction. She only masturbates 1-4 x a month that I can tell. She's rarely alone in the house and I work from home.
> 
> The rest of the relationship is mixed. We have ups and downs. There our court trust issues. I don't trust her because of cheating and she doesn't trust me because of the snooping. We both are trying and there is still deep connection, love and laughs. But also tons of anxiety and heartache. We also have massive communication issues. I walk on eggshells a lot and when I try Toby talk about my feelings or ask her about things she's doing that are suspicious to me, she flips out and we end up in a fight. I do see both sides...she thinks I believe she's cheating or sneaking around and as a result she's defensive.
> 
> ...


Oh dear, its clear as day that she is cheating, what more proof do you need?She keeps sexy clothes in the boot, goes missing for hours, and takes semi nude selfies of herself to send to him, and is very secretive with her phone. SHE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR. 
if she had nothing to hide then she wouldn't mind you checking up on her especially if she has cheated before. She ls lying to you, deceiving you and cheating on you yet you cant seem to see it.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Calidad1 said:


> Thanks Fem,
> 
> Question is how? She has private clients during the day and at night and if she is ****ign around it will be very difficult to catch unless I follow her around for a week.
> 
> ...


Read the advice on how to catch a cheating spouse in the thread that I linked to in my previous post. There's no sense in me re-posting what is already so well-written there.

DO NOT "confront just to ask about these things that are bothering me." DO NOT! DO NOT! DO NOT! Do not do this before gathering evidence. You will tip her off to your suspicions, and as soon as you do that, she will delete all emails, texts, ANYTHING that might be evidence of an affair, and she will get even sneakier.

If she's being hyper-vigilant about the phone, SOMETHING is on there.

You MAY have to follow her around for a week, but it may be better to hire a PI, since they are professionals, and she may easily spot you if you try to do that.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

We are in our mid sixties and married over 44 years. I have no problem with my wife viewing porn on her own, which she never does, or masturbating with BOB, her Battery Operated Buddy. It does not interfere with our sex life at all since my wife is very orgasmic and can orgasm in under 3 minutes and keep on going until she physically cannot take it anymore. Not bad for an old broad. 

I am well aware of Tantric sex and have practiced it in the past. We ran into a similar problem as you, but in our case, we were both masturbating. What we did was start Chastity Play where my penis is locked up and my wife holds the key to the lock. Since, unlike me, she can masturbate and still orgasm a few minutes later with me, I have no problem with that. I am the one who wants to have sex, putting off my orgasm for a few weeks or months. What happens is that my wife will tease me in various ways. It can be just grabbing my crotch and playing with me through my pants until my penis attempts to get erect, but cannot due to the chastity cage. She then laughs. Most times she will edge me over and over again until I am moaning in sexual frustration. My moans trigger her orgasm. 

We basically have sex as usual except we leave out the 10 seconds of my orgasm. I have grown to love the anticipation of an orgasm more than the orgasm itself. I am also hooked on the sexual energy I have from being denied orgasms for many weeks or months. I divert that energy to doing chores around the house or doing things I have been putting off doing for myself. After my orgasm I actually feel bored, depressed and lack energy. 

Only my masturbation interfered in our sex life when I got older since I was no young stud anymore having sex with my wife and our girlfriend together and then separately. Now I can go two or three weeks until I really start to feel the urge to orgasm. My wife is free to do what she wants to. A few weeks ago I commented on the 10 orgasms I gave her that week and her response was to tell me that those were the only ones I was aware of. I am not upset that she no longer is interested in tantric sex either. It has always been our policy that either both of us enjoy a sex game or we do not do it. 

If you look into chastity, disregard the many websites that incorporate chastity play and chastity devices into some form of female domination or cuckolding. Chastity can stand on its own or you can add teasing and denial to it. My wife is having the best orgasms of her life because she is in control of our sex life and can just have me give her a quick orgasm and not reciprocate at all. Being denied orgams makes me much more attentive to her needs, more eager to do chores and making her feel like the sexiest women alive. Our marriage sunk when we moved away from the girlfriend we shared and Chastity saved the day. My wife gets to masturbate in private or with me. Does not affect the amount of sex we have together. Our sex live has improved greatly since we have regular sex and all that is missing is the 10 seconds of my orgasm. Other than that we do anything we want. Being brought to the edge of an orgasm 20 or 30 times becomes much more enjoyable than the orgasm itself. 

We communicated and worked it out. My wife was repressing her bisexuality since she was raised that it was a sin to have sex with a woman and also that she would be labeled a lesbian at a time when that had serious consequence. Bisexuallty was not accepted as a valid sexual orientation by anyone, gay or straight. She was so afraid that I would divorce her if I found out but did not want to cheat. She went about having me find out very cleverly, too long to explain here. So we found a way to take care of my wifes sexual needs and mine too by forming a poly triad with our girlfriend and practising male chastity with teasing and denial. Our lifestyle was not normal according to society and religion but it catered not only to our individual sexual needs but also the rest of out needs that no two of us could fulfill.

My wife avoided cheating on me with women and we stopped our group sex activities which my wife only did to please my needs. It all worked out and all the friends we had who thought our lifestyle was perverted, are all divorced with most divorced twice. You would be surprised by how many divorces can be the result of sexual problems that manifested in different ways. A loved and well satisfied wife has no reason to cheat. If she needs to have occasional sex with outers, then give her permission to do so as long as she keeps you informed. Sounds weird but we knew many wives and husband who chose to look the other way or did not ask questions or want to tell. They worked around their sexual needs because the rest of their marriage was great. Of course it is not for everyone. You need to either subdue jealousy or not have it at all. You also need to think that sex can be just sex and not making love. Plus you need to trust that your wife will always come home to you. You can even set rules so you have some control over what your wife does. I know, not your typical advice but it worked for us and many other married couples we know. Do you really think the wives of rich and famous men are naive enough to think that their husbands do not cheat on them? They just decided to look the other way and enjoy the lifestyle that their husband's provided as long as their hubbies were discrete and only focused on them when they were home. Not your everyday solution.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Sorry dude but I am going to say it. Once a cheater always a cheater. This is probably what is really going on with the brakes. Character doesn't just change without hard work. What has she done to fix herself besides apologizing. I bet it you creep down the rabbit hole a little deeper you will find that she has been cheating this whole time. She may love your emotionally in her own way, like you provide her safety in that way, but it doesn't sound like she does sexually.


Although I feel like you do about cheating, there are other non traditional solutions like various forms of group sex and poly relationships. That is what we did and after 45 wonderful years of a very happy marriage, it worked very well for us. We ended up moving in my wife's best friend to form a poly triad and among the three of us, all of our sexual and non sexual needs were met. I also agree that if you insist on monogamy, odds are that nothing will change other than your wife getting better at deceiving you. In my very young days before I met my wife, I dated a few married and older women. They were pros at cheating and all had been caught once or twice and forgiven. In some cases the husband decided to look the other way rather than face the alternative. Our girlfriend is married and her husband is OK with it. We even socialized with him. 

I tried monogamy with a fiancee of 5 years who cheated on me when I was spending a year in combat. Then I ran into the cougar wives who cheated. Every boss I ever had, male or female, cheated. Most of my friends or their wives cheated. You only hear about the ones who get caught or confess to get rid of their guilt by destroying their spouse's life. I gave up on monogamy and as a result we have been married longer than our friends and siblings who kept their marriage in the box designed by society and religion. I did not like the 50/50 odds that normal marriage gave me so we designed our own marriage and it worked for us. Definitely not for most, especially those who get jealous and feel some sort of ownership of their spouse or at least ownership of their sexual pleasure. For the rest who know that sex can be just sex and not making love. One thing I learned was that a wife is more likely to enter into an affair which ends up as emotional than a woman who can have sex with different men with their husband's OK and under the rules they agreed to like no overnight stay. The reason is that it is much more likely that the wife would get caught if she was dating different men all the time versus just one man.

I am a funny duck. I have lived with a girlfriend I did not love who cuckolded me with my knowledge. I have wife swapped and engaged in some group sex activities with my wife. We have seen each other having orgasm with others but what we saw was nothing like the passionate love making we have with each other. We shared a girlfriend and I made my wife comfortable enough to come out as bisexual and admit her need for both a man and woman in her life. Yet, if my wife had an affair, I would leave her. There is a difference in doing things with the approval of your spouse and sneaking around deceiving him or her.

We say that we are monogamish. We try to stay sexually faithful and do not going looking for others to have sex with but if it happens very occasionally and is the exception and not the rule, it is not a deal killer for our marriage. More than half of men and almost as many women cheat at some time. Just that most are never caught. I have know guys I worked with that cheated their entire marriage and yet their wives say that their husbands would never cheat. With a 50% divorce rate, it is obvious that monogamy does not work but if you are going to have sex with others it has to be consensual and rules and boundaries have to be established. If my wife was sneaking behind my back she would be gone. I am lucky in that my wife will not even except a man to play with no matter how much I try to talk her into it. She prefers to play with women but only if I take part so that it does not seem like cheating to her. If she asked me to have sex with someguy she became sexually attracted to, I would say yes because she has afforded me that same permission a few times. Weird, unmanly and how could I love my wife and let other guys have sex with her. I am very alpha. An ex jock and decorated combat vet. It is not about manliness but rather non ownership of each other and trust that she will only do as she says.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> I'm not buying the clit injury story at all! She would have to have a very large clit with almost no clit hood covering it, which is unusual, AND she would have to be zipping her pants while her pelvis is tilted forward and while that jibes with super tight pants it doesn't jibe with accidental clit injury.
> 
> Also, you said she is watching extreme porn? What kind of porn?
> 
> ...


Exactly. First she gets her clit caught in a zipper (how is that even possible - does the zipper literally go down into her crotch and does she always wear pants with zippers with no underwear? Stupid.) Then she has psoriasis on her labia? Seriously? OK, I've never had psoriasis but what are the odds of these double injuries/conditions?

Either she's making stuff up to avoid sex or she actually caught herpes or another STD that causes sores while cheating and was waiting for sores to heal, though I don't think that should take three months...

The selfie and the sexy clothes in the trunk? Um... she's cheating.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

You really don't need to follow her. Get a dog tracking device such as Whistle and hid it in her car.


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

She wasn't 100% that it was the zipper. The clit got swollen with a huge purple bruise on the side. It took 3 months to heal. She guessed it was from wearing tight pants with no undies and that it must have gotten nipped. It's a small clit btw. But also could have been my pubic bone rubbing hard on it.....or something she doesn't want me to know about


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

Thanks! Here's the thing...I'm not 100% she is actively cheating. I suspect she did last year and has cut it off. 

So my thinking is for now to confront her on the vibrator / porn usage and establish that she's now caught in yet another lie. If I can't get her to at least be honest around this issue, cheating or no cheating becomes moot because without trust there's no relationship. 

As for her getting sneakier, I know she regularly flushes her phone history, edits past Facebook messages, deletes texts, etc. So I could potentially use some forensics tools to recover old messages but the likelihood of actual evidence on the phone is slim.

The following route is not bad idea..another poster suggested a tracking device.




FeministInPink said:


> Read the advice on how to catch a cheating spouse in the thread that I linked to in my previous post. There's no sense in me re-posting what is already so well-written there.
> 
> DO NOT "confront just to ask about these things that are bothering me." DO NOT! DO NOT! DO NOT! Do not do this before gathering evidence. You will tip her off to your suspicions, and as soon as you do that, she will delete all emails, texts, ANYTHING that might be evidence of an affair, and she will get even sneakier.
> 
> ...


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

Hi Vinny,

Thanks for sharing your story. Can't say I don't envy your relationship...especially with the side girlfriend. 

Started off in an open relationship. She was dating another guy, and was just coming out of a broken marriage. In fact, I encouraged her to sell her oats and was not interested in monogamy myself. As soon as I started dating someone else, she cut off the open relationship. Or so I thought. I learned months later that she kept her side open and had hooked up with three different men over six months. 

Being a conscious couple, we got to the bottom of it or so I thought and spent months and months trying to repair the damage and rebuild trust. During that time she was very open to me about seeing her stuff looking at her phone etc. 

Overtime, she became resentful of needing to check in with me on her whereabouts and allowing me to see her stuff and started feeling like she was on a leash and was chained with no freedom. She actually started turning around her story and editing the past to minimize what she done and to try to make me partially responsible for her behavior. 

Then she put a password on her phone and overtime I started becoming suspicious, particularly because she's gone for many hours during the day and has huge gaps in her schedule. 

If she would be honest and say, "yes, I would like to see other people or I would like the right to jerk off to porn and I would give you the same respect", then I would be very open to a poly relationship with her. However, it seems that she would like to have her fantasies, be able to jerk off to porn, while I am to save my seed for her. I know this works for you, but it doesn't feel right to me. If feels like the same energy as when we were in the open relationship when she had no problem seeing two guys but the minute I wanted to play it was off-limits. 

The other issue is that if she were to bring her vibrator to our bedroom like she used to, there's really no issue. The fact that she reserves for clitoris orgasms for solo play and refuses to include me, makes me feel like she's got two separate sex likes. 

Finally, it's the sneakiness and the lying that gets me worst of all because I would rather have open communication trust and there should be no secrets. Having a fantasy life is one thing but if in order to get your rocks off you need to hide in secrecy, then there's a problem, no? 

As far as your comments regarding ejaculation, they're well taken. I have an extremely high sex drive and a train myself to have multiple orgasms without ejaculator in. I can go 30 days even longer if I want to and be completely satisfied. I can also achieving a ruction a mediately after orgasm and it 46 years old I think that's pretty good accomplishment. So well obviously she has the advantage in being able to have multiple orgasms, we are nearly evenly matched in that departmen.

Another poster made a comment that it sounded like she's got an issue with intimacy, not necessarily including me in her play. She's mentioned to me before that she has a hard time being intimate these days and that a lot of it stems from me snooping on her and her not wanting to be seen. Does this make sense to you? I'd love to hear your opinion around that. 




Vinnydee said:


> We are in our mid sixties and married over 44 years. I have no problem with my wife viewing porn on her own, which she never does, or masturbating with BOB, her Battery Operated Buddy. It does not interfere with our sex life at all since my wife is very orgasmic and can orgasm in under 3 minutes and keep on going until she physically cannot take it anymore. Not bad for an old broad.
> 
> I am well aware of Tantric sex and have practiced it in the past. We ran into a similar problem as you, but in our case, we were both masturbating. What we did was start Chastity Play where my penis is locked up and my wife holds the key to the lock. Since, unlike me, she can masturbate and still orgasm a few minutes later with me, I have no problem with that. I am the one who wants to have sex, putting off my orgasm for a few weeks or months. What happens is that my wife will tease me in various ways. It can be just grabbing my crotch and playing with me through my pants until my penis attempts to get erect, but cannot due to the chastity cage. She then laughs. Most times she will edge me over and over again until I am moaning in sexual frustration. My moans trigger her orgasm.
> 
> ...


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

Sorry for the poor English, I was using Google voice.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Calidad1 said:


> She wasn't 100% that it was the zipper. The clit got swollen with a huge purple bruise on the side. It took 3 months to heal. She guessed it was from wearing tight pants with no undies and that it must have gotten nipped. It's a small clit btw. But also could have been my pubic bone rubbing hard on it.....or something she doesn't want me to know about


 @Calidad1 I have a clit, if it got so bruised that it needed 3 months to heal trust me I would know EXACTLY how it got hurt and when. That thing is the most sensitive thing on a female's body. It is virtually impossible to nip it in a zipper unless she's wearing those sexy pants that zip all the way to the butt for easy access to the puss AND she was wearing no panties. Again, it is impossible for it to happen with regular pants, otherwise manufacturers would be getting sued up the wazoo! Or super tight pants for that matter, especially if its a small clit. If the thing was big and flapping in the wind I would understand...

Stop trying to skirt the issue, this is serious. Either she got an std that she didn't want to tell you about or she hurt it doing something that she didn't want to tell you about. EITHER way, she's lying to you about what's really happening with her genitals.

Edited to add: Even if the clit did get bruised, it wouldn't stop me from having sex with my partner. He could easily pleasure me without touching it. Seriously, this clit injury/psoriasis story is not even believable.


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

Quick question. Do you think it's fair to ask her about her masturbation and confront her if she lies again? As a woman I know this is a very sensitive subject and I don't want to shame her. At the same time it's a question of integrity, no? If she lies about using her vibrator and porn, what else is she lying about?



WorkingWife said:


> Exactly. First she gets her clit caught in a zipper (how is that even possible - does the zipper literally go down into her crotch and does she always wear pants with zippers with no underwear? Stupid.) Then she has psoriasis on her labia? Seriously? OK, I've never had psoriasis but what are the odds of these double injuries/conditions?
> 
> Either she's making stuff up to avoid sex or she actually caught herpes or another STD that causes sores while cheating and was waiting for sores to heal, though I don't think that should take three months...
> 
> The selfie and the sexy clothes in the trunk? Um... she's cheating.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Calidad1 said:


> Thanks! Here's the thing...I'm not 100% she is actively cheating. I suspect she did last year and has cut it off.
> 
> So my thinking is for now to confront her on the vibrator / porn usage and establish that she's now caught in yet another lie. If I can't get her to at least be honest around this issue, cheating or no cheating becomes moot because without trust there's no relationship.
> 
> ...


Why?

Why confront her on the porn?

If she takes care of your needs why bother. If you are not getting enough, let it be known. It is better for her to look at pictures and videos of sex than for her to participate in these activities.

She sounds HD. Let her relieve herself. She will eventually cut back as she ages. That is, if you stay together that long!

I say let that go. You have more worries than this.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Calidad1 said:


> Quick question. Do you think it's fair to ask her about her masturbation and confront her if she lies again? As a woman I know this is a very sensitive subject and I don't want to shame her. At the same time it's a question of integrity, no? If she lies about using her vibrator and porn, what else is she lying about?


I think it's certainly fair to ask her, but I wouldn't expect to get an honest answer. If she is masturbating and/or using porn she is probably embarrassed and feels in her mind that it's harmless and none of your business. I don't agree with her, FWIW, but just don't expect her to be candid.

I think this approach is reasonable/justified:

Dear wife, I love you but I have been unfulfilled with our sex life for a long time. I've tried to tell you how important a good sex life is to me and you don't seem to be taking my feelings seriously. You seldom desire sex anymore and when you do it feels like you are not enjoying it and just want to get it over with.

*I need a great sex life to be happy in a relationship*.

I am concerned I may not be meeting some of your needs and that may be resulting in you not desiring sex the way you used to. But I also notice you're masturbating and using porn and sexting with other men on the internet. All these sexual outlets for you hurt our sex life and hurt me deeply, especially when you have no libidio for your own husband. I sincerely want to know what I can do to meet your needs so you are happy and we are in love and enjoying a good sex life again. But I will not tolerate being married to a woman who turns to porn/strangers for sexual relief instead of her own living, breathing husband.

I want to make sure you understand that while I love you dearly I am *not *happy or satisfied with our relationship right now. This is *not *working for me.

------------------

Meanwhile I would snoop to find out what she's really up to and if there is an affair or ongoing sexting. If she's having an affair or sexting (another form of infidelity) things will NOT improve because her sexual energy/attentions are focused elsewhere.

Some articles for you - 
The scourge of pornography: The Scourge of Pornography by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Men - getting the sex you want: The question of the ages: How can a husband receive the sex he needs in marriage? by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr.

------------------

BTW - this clitoris injury - did you see it? This bruise that was not a lesion? I can see tight pants irritating/bruising like that but I don't understand it taking 3 months to heal. Nor not knowing exactly how it happened. (It "might" have been caught in a zipper? If something gets caught in a zipper, you know it instantly. And if your pants are so tight they're irritating you, you're aware at the time.) Unless it visibly healed faster but she remained "hyper sensitive" for longer. It still sounds like an excuse to get out of sex/intimacy. I remember when my marriage was really bad with my first husband, suddenly I couldn't stand for him to use his hands or mouth on me. I could take regular PIV, but I had so much resentment and unhappiness in my heart - his hand or mouth was just way too intimate, I'd always find a way to redirect him.

Good luck. Please keep us posted.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Calidad1 said:


> Thanks! Here's the thing...I'm not 100% she is actively cheating. I suspect she did last year and has cut it off.
> 
> So my thinking is for now to confront her on the vibrator / porn usage and establish that she's now caught in yet another lie. If I can't get her to at least be honest around this issue, cheating or no cheating becomes moot because without trust there's no relationship.
> 
> ...


She sounds fundamentally dishonest. My question is what is it about you that allows you to want to continue a relationship with someone who has this quality? Don't you think you can do better? Don't you think it is a form of abuse for her to continually lie to you? Don't you think this kind of stuff will continue to affect you in ways even worse then they are right now? And it's pretty bad now.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Why are you ignoring the advice to get to the bottom of this? Why are you ignoring the advice NOT to confront?

There are so many red flags that a well placed VAR or two would likely confirm that she's cheating.

And it's complete crap that you can't monitor her. That's your right and obligation until SHE rebuilds your trust. It's not on YOU to get comfortable with her cheating and lying. So it's NOT snooping - it's verifying what she is telling you because she's proven to be a liar and cheat in the past.

The fact that she uses your "snooping" as a fake reason not to trust you is the real kicker here. That is classic cheater stuff - blame the victim and undermine your self confidence. 

She doesn't want you snooping because she feels exposed and guilty because she's actually guilty.

It's right in front of you. Don't drive it further underground by exposing yet.


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

What does HD mean?

It's a good question--- a few reasons

1. If she's truthful goes along way to rebuild trust. My hope is that she will come clean and we can take it from there...it's really a truthtest 

2. I'm bothered by the double standard. She gives me massive grief if I wank (and I tell her the truth when she asks). So I feel confronting her can bring us to an understanding in the issue...otherwise it will keep comIng up

3. She used to bring the five and the porn to our bedroom and there was no issue with her extracurricular. But now it feels like she wants to sex life. I don't like it



SunCMars said:


> Why?
> 
> Why confront her on the porn?
> 
> ...


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

Good comments. Thanks. So I did see it yes. It was purple and swollen. looked like a blood blister caused by blunt force trauma. It did take 3 months to go away.

As to York ur second comment, she is the same as you were. She will let me penetrate and can achieve some kinds of orgasm with me. It is still hot occasionally. But if I touch her with my hand or mouth she cries. Says it brings up deep sadness and shame. On vacation though things are way better. She claims the environment here is killing her and since she's in traffic 20 hours a week, she's got no motor left (except of course for old vibro)

Thinking of confronting her on the porn to see if we can clear the air and have an open talk. But my relatives are coming to stay in a few days. Would you risk breaching this today or wait until next week when they're gone?




WorkingWife said:


> I think it's certainly fair to ask her, but I wouldn't expect to get an honest answer. If she is masturbating and/or using porn she is probably embarrassed and feels in her mind that it's harmless and none of your business. I don't agree with her, FWIW, but just don't expect her to be candid.
> 
> I think this approach is reasonable/justified:
> 
> ...


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

I hear what you're saying but aren't they separate issues? If I confront her on the porn and she admits it, it can help rebuild trust. If she lies, how would it drive her underground if she's cheating? They are different behaviors... 



TheTruthHurts said:


> Why are you ignoring the advice to get to the bottom of this? Why are you ignoring the advice NOT to confront?
> 
> There are so many red flags that a well placed VAR or two would likely confirm that she's cheating.
> 
> ...


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Calidad1 said:


> I hear what you're saying but aren't they separate issues? If I confront her on the porn and she admits it, it can help rebuild trust. If she lies, how would it drive her underground if she's cheating? They are different behaviors...




If she thinks you're scrutinizing her behavior enough to call out her masturbation, of course she'd be exposed to being caught in an affair. She'll know you're watching her and hide her behavior better.


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

Gotcha. Frankly she already thinks I scrutinize her behavior and she's hyper vigilant about it. How would you suggest then getting her to relax?

And don't you think it's possible that she's not cheating and just has some odd behaviors? She may be lying about porn because she's embarrassed and/ or thinks it's a small white lie. Just because she's lying about open doesn't necessarily mean she's having affair. 



TheTruthHurts said:


> If she thinks you're scrutinizing her behavior enough to call out her masturbation, of course she'd be exposed to being caught in an affair. She'll know you're watching her and hide her behavior better.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Calidad1 said:


> Gotcha. Frankly she already thinks I scrutinize her behavior and she's hyper vigilant about it. How would you suggest then getting her to relax?
> 
> *And don't you think it's possible that she's not cheating and just has some odd behaviors?* She may be lying about porn because she's embarrassed and/ or thinks it's a small white lie. Just because she's lying about open doesn't necessarily mean she's having affair.


If it was just "odd behaviors" she would have always been like this. People are creatures of habits. They don't start up new "odd behaviors."

You're rationalizing and making excuses for her, man. Stop doing that. Listen to the advice presented here. It is sage advice, from people who know.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Calidad1 said:


> Gotcha. Frankly she already thinks I scrutinize her behavior and she's hyper vigilant about it. How would you suggest then getting her to relax?
> 
> 
> 
> And don't you think it's possible that she's not cheating and just has some odd behaviors? She may be lying about porn because she's embarrassed and/ or thinks it's a small white lie. Just because she's lying about open doesn't necessarily mean she's having affair.




I already told you what I think. Could I be wrong? Yeah, maybe. But what you've been told is how to KNOW and not guess.

Look, if you've placed the VARs, monitored her, followed her or hired a PI, etc and found nothing, that's one thing. If you're saying "we'll, gosh, gee, I don't think she's cheating" and that's all you know for sure that's a completely different thing.

Bottom line - I'm the big dog in my relationship. I would NEVER stand for this type of disrespect. I would have ended it after she cheated, though, so maybe that's why you're not following what I'm saying.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Calidad1 said:


> Good comments. Thanks. So I did see it yes. It was purple and swollen. looked like a blood blister caused by blunt force trauma. It did take 3 months to go away.


This sounds like it could have been a herpes break out.

How long have you two been together? Either of you ever get tested for STD's?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If your story is legit......

Your girl has skimpy clothes in her trunk you've never seen. She won't kiss you. She's had sex with other men in the past.
She has a screwed up groin with no real explanation why.
She disappears for hours at a time.
She guards her phone.
She deletes texts.
She has changed her sex habits with you.
She is hyper vigilant about her privacy.
She takes nude selfies that you never see--- for art. I'm. Uffling a laugh here.

Do I need to go on?

Yes, she is having sex with others.
Yes, she's a proven liar.

You can't "fix" her.
Plan an exit strategy. You're on the way out anyway.


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

Here's an update. I am following advice here and not confronting at this time. Something I need some advice with though. My wife is a very sexy 43 year old. She looks about 32 and is a yoga instructor. At the start of our relationship, she was going through a divorce. As mentioned, we were open at the time.

One of the men that showed up in her life at that time was a 6'5" 21 year old who looks like a lifeguard and is apparently wise beyond his years. She claimed then and now he was a 'friend' and was 'super sensitive' and they bonded over that. She stated it was platonic and he was too young for her. 

I do keep tabs on her phone and about 6 months ago she texted him and asked if she could stop by his house to hang out one afternoon on her way to work. She DID NOT inform me of this. I read the texts and confronted her at the time and she swears it was innocent. 

Today she announced she's going to meet him for lunch next week. I read the texts today, and she's the one who reached out and he said he might not be available this week so she offered to move something around for next week….she's going way out of her way to meet up with him as his office is a 45 minute drive from here. 

During the course of their 'friendship' the text history shows that she's been the pursuer. He's never once reached out to her...it's always her reaching to him. Her journal from 2013 states that she's "excited about her new paradigm with men." She went on to say that I "am of course a big part of that" and then moved right into the kid. She described this kid as 'beautiful'. "Such a sweet, caring sensitive soul. Soo amazing, etc." She did not confess in her journal anything else but it seems clear it wasn't as innocent as she led me to believe. 

This new action of her pursuing him for lunch is troubling. She's always been attracted to the aloof push-pull types and from their text history, this seems to be the dynamic (with her in chase mode and him as Mr cool). 

I know the advice on the forum is not to confront yet. So how do I handle this? Just lay low, track her moves and see if it evolves? Or since she's told me she's meeting him, part of me wants to use this to set some boundaries. I never really made it clear that it was disrepectful to plan to go to his house and I never brought up the journal entry. Thoughts? What would you do?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

If you know, and she knows you know, I'd say you object to it and it's inappropriate. Your not comfortable with her meeting alone, but if he's a friend you'd like to come along.


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

So I confronted her on this and we got into it. She of course repeated her claims that the guy is and always has been platonic, no chemistry, etc. She swore up and down to God Jesus, Buddha and everyone else. 

She then said why don't we invite him over and get some people together and you can meet him. I then said why don't I join you next time you're having lunch. 

She got real uncomfortable and I called her out. She says that it feels awkward that she'd planned lunch with her 'friend' and all of a sudden I'm coming along. She claims it feels weird since they are only spending an hour together and it's not really enough time to get to know someone. 

So what do you make of this? Why does she feel uncomfortable for me to join their lunch but not to have him over to our house?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Calidad1 said:


> So I confronted her on this and we got into it. She of course repeated her claims that the guy is and always has been platonic, no chemistry, etc. She swore up and down to God Jesus, Buddha and everyone else.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Go to lunch. No question. I'd say "lunch is a perfect time to make an initial introduction. Not strange at all and I'm sure he'd like to meet me."

That's my take


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Calidad1 said:


> So I confronted her on this and we got into it. She of course repeated her claims that the guy is and always has been platonic, no chemistry, etc. She swore up and down to God Jesus, Buddha and everyone else.
> 
> She then said why don't we invite him over and get some people together and you can meet him. I then said why don't I join you next time you're having lunch.
> 
> ...


She's uncomfortable because she likely wants to flirt with him and up the ante/sexual tension. She wants him ALONE.

Having him to a party with mixed company was just an offer to placate you--that way, she would still get to have lunch with him alone.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Listen, my best friend is a guy. He and I will hang out just the two of us, sometimes, but whenever we hang out is an open invitation for our partners to join us. I love when his GF comes with--I adore her!--and I love it when my guy wants to come, and I know my friend and my guy get along great. Having one of our partners in the mix doesn't change the dynamic.

She doesn't want you there because it would mess with their dynamic, because she wants to jump him.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Calidad1 said:


> So I confronted her on this and we got into it. She of course repeated her claims that the guy is and always has been platonic, no chemistry, etc. She swore up and down to God Jesus, Buddha and everyone else.
> 
> She then said why don't we invite him over and get some people together and you can meet him. I then said why don't I join you next time you're having lunch.
> 
> ...


What is the benefit of this relationship for you exactly?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

sokillme said:


> What is the benefit of this relationship for you exactly?




To keep the other guys ****** out of her ******


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> Listen, my best friend is a guy. He and I will hang out just the two of us, sometimes, but whenever we hang out is an open invitation for our partners to join us. I love when his GF comes with--I adore her!--and I love it when my guy wants to come, and I know my friend and my guy get along great. Having one of our partners in the mix doesn't change the dynamic.
> 
> She doesn't want you there because it would mess with their dynamic, because she wants to jump him.




Very true. My wife's friends all like it when I come along because I don't have the social filter they have and I use humor so they have fun. But I try to back off so my W can get some girl talk in.

You should NEVER feel you can't join your spouse particularly in an OS lunch or meeting. Of course, once it's out in the open and you remain vigilant and pee all over your territory (gender neutral mate guarding that is) then you might not to actually want to join them. But if you popped in unannounced it shouldn't be the least bit uncomfortable.


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

What do you mean by "Gender neutral mate guarding?"



TheTruthHurts said:


> Very true. My wife's friends all like it when I come along because I don't have the social filter they have and I use humor so they have fun. But I try to back off so my W can get some girl talk in.
> 
> You should NEVER feel you can't join your spouse particularly in an OS lunch or meeting. Of course, once it's out in the open and you remain vigilant and pee all over your territory (gender neutral mate guarding that is) then you might not to actually want to join them. But if you popped in unannounced it shouldn't be the least bit uncomfortable.
> 
> ...


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Sorry but lingerie in the trunk you have never seen. Do you need to be hit over the head with a hammer? I wish something that obvious turned up when I believed something was going on. It would have ended all speculation.


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

OK, this whole thing came to a head when I told her I was going to lunch. It escalated and in the end came out the truth that I still don't think she came 100% clean about the guys in her past. 

She came back an hour later and said she wanted to take a polygraph to prove it. 

Do you think she's bluffing? Should I make her take it? What if it comes back that she's not lying and she's told me everything about her cheating - what will putting her through that do to the relationship? What would you do?


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

RClawson said:


> Sorry but lingerie in the trunk you have never seen. Do you need to be hit over the head with a hammer? I wish something that obvious turned up when I believed something was going on. It would have ended all speculation.


It wasn't lingerie, it was a midriff top and a sundress....


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

have her write a timeline and diary of all the A's she has had.

Tell her with her drug addiction to the other guy, you can't allow the addict (her) to continue.

She can have him, but she can't have you as well. She thinks she can beat the lie detector test.

I would not care. She cares more about her little plaything that she is addicted to, than to you. 

If that is what she wants, she can not control her addiction. That should tell you that she may choose, but the time is short.

Good luck. when they are addicted, they can not control themselves. I would protect myself and move on.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Calidad1 said:


> What do you mean by "Gender neutral mate guarding?"




Sorry went out of the country with the LOML (love of my life) so stopped posting.

To answer your question - I made a case and used an example, but acknowledged that men and women should both mate guard. It's a primary function and requirement of any serious relationship. Basically it says "this is my woman/man and I will fight for her. I do not accept interlopers and I will knock you on your ass if you interfere in my relationship. I acknowledge my S is desirable but he/she is not available so I will knock that smile off till next Tuesday if you come back round with that lane game."

It's putting others on notice that you will not allow others to f with you.

It is wholly separate from restricting your S or trying to control them. It's about dealing with others


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## Calidad1 (Feb 12, 2017)

Thanks for the info. I see what you're saying. And yes, I'll be attending the lunch.

She's also offered to take a polygraph which we're now setting up. That should put it to rest one way or the other.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Calidad1 said:


> Thanks for the info. I see what you're saying. And yes, I'll be attending the lunch.
> 
> She's also offered to take a polygraph which we're now setting up. That should put it to rest one way or the other.


 Both good moves. Take charge and don't let her do things that make you uncomfortable, or at least give her the option of doing them as a single woman i.e. "If you go to lunch plan on packing your stuff when you get home."


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Zombie thread


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Thread closed


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