# Wife has no interest in intimacy with husband but glued to TV sexual content programs



## FromNeptune (Apr 22, 2008)

There are some earlier posts about the relationship between my wife and I. In summary, after many years of marriage, she has made it clear she is not interested in any physical relationship with me. She is not interested in attending counseling even though I have gone on my own and made it clear she was welcome to join with me. She has told me I can kiss her but no French kissing. Okay-I don’t want to pressure her so I play it safe and don’t try to kiss her at all.

I am puzzled about her clearly not wanting to be physically close to me but on the other hand she watches with much regularity TV programs with sexual overtones and innuendos. One is Baggage with Jerry Springer. I have watched one or two of the programs and know first hand that sex is dominant on the program. The other program is the soap Days of Our Lives which again is dominated by sex and poor treatment of women in general.

So on one hand she pushes me away physically but then feasts her eyes and mind with heavy sexually content TV programs. Why is this?


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Sounds like the problem lies in that she doesn't feel romanced. How is the nonsexual affection? How's the conversation? How much time do you spend doing things together? I'd assess all other areas of the relationship to figure out why intimacy isn't happening. She's watching these shows for the romance factor. She wants to be wooed. She's missing something in her relationship with you. But it's up to you to either figure it out or get her to tell you. The thing with women is, it's hard for us to just tell you what we need, because more than anything we want you to be attuned enough to us to KNOW what we need. I know, it's backwards and messed up. But that's what we really want. But communication that you know something isn't right and not making it about sex is a good start as well.


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

Two possible optios here... Either you are not filling her needs (seriously might not be a romance thing) or... She is just not secually attracted, or in love with you.

As a woman, I will tell you, what is most romantic to me is not flowers, mood lighting, or any of that crap, it is simply seeing a man notice the details. Women's needs are not usually huge, but they are in the details. Look at her, look at what she likes for herself, and work with that. Use little notes, silly gifts that are directly related to something SHE likes or enjoys (especially good if it is something not exactly your cup of tea) and just pay close attention. Don't expect an easy fix, expect it to lead to a real discussion.

Also, ask her if she is truly aware of how much men place emotion into the act of sex (not making love, but sex). She may not realize how much you need it, or may resent that you DO need it. Women see it differently. She may be waiting to see that you love her, before she shows you she love you....

Think of things she has done for you in the past, little things, then think if maybe she would like the same in return. look at DETAILS!

If nothing works, sometimes women are just like men and simply find they want something different.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

FromNeptune said:


> There are some earlier posts about the relationship between my wife and I. In summary, after many years of marriage, she has made it clear she is not interested in any physical relationship with me. She is not interested in attending counseling even though I have gone on my own and made it clear she was welcome to join with me. She has told me I can kiss her but no French kissing. Okay-I don’t want to pressure her so I play it safe and don’t try to kiss her at all.


What do you need counseling for? Doctors cant cure normal. If she's not interested in a physical relationship with you, why are you interested in a marriage with her? She is exercising dominance over you.

Regarding her use of media, this is becuase she does have sexual needs and is choosing to get them met just choosing not to have you meet them.


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## lovexlife (Feb 21, 2011)

:iagree:


this is CRAZY talk. youre married to someone who doesnt want to be physical? im a woman, and i understand that feelings, and "spiritual connections" and all that BS are important, but lets be realistic. the physical needs are REAL. they exist. if she doesnt want you physically, what makes you think she wants you emotionally? i had an ex who i had to beg for sex, or anything physical. turns out, 4 years later... he was gay and attracted to men. i kept thinking there was something wrong with me. im not hot enough, or skinny enough or pretty enough... i begged him. i laid in his bed waiting for him and tried to take matters into my own hands.... he never stopped playing video games, and if i DID get him into bed, he never seemed to quite "get it right" for anything... he didnt know anything about what i liked.. well i sure was in for a surprise! dont let her make you believe that you are the one with the flaws!


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## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

Sounds like a horrible situation. If she won't even try and work on your needs, maybe you need to leave her. She sounds like a ***** that's totally controlling you.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

She sounds like she has a lot of issues. Does she explain why she doesn't want intimacy with you? Have you given her an ultimatum and asked her specifically for what you want? If so and shes made no effort then I would leave.


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