# Passive/aggressive



## Mary Something (May 3, 2014)

Hi. This is my first post here.  I just wanted to put the term "passive/aggressive" out here. I have been reading a lot, and it seems that may be the key issue of spouses that withhold sex, or make themselves emotionally unavailable. 
I believe a lot of people dot even realize they're doing it. And just so you know, it doesn't even mean that you're to blame. And, the person who is passive/aggressive may not even realize they're doing it. 
If you have time, Google it. 
I hope this helps someone. 

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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

:iagree: Many people do have a trait of holding on to preserved offensives against them rather then dealing with the issue through good communication and moving on. Over years they end up carrying a thousand pounds of anger around with them and all that has to come out somewhere. I recently saw a post that went something like "I forgive you because I deserve peace" Unfortunately many will never get that, and for those that do, its about being very careful about who you let in your life.


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## Mary Something (May 3, 2014)

Hi Shoto, thank you for your response. I agree with what you had said. Communication and forgiveness is the key. 
The sad part about all this is it's a vicious circle. And the person on the other side of passive/aggressiveness is caught in a vicious circle. They both are. 
I do believe people that "punish" their partners don't even realize they're doing it, although some do. They see themselves as a victim. 
The best way to deal with it in my opinion, is to use praise along with trying to express how you feel. The other person won't feel like they're being "attacked" when you focus more on how you feel, rather than making them feel they need to go in defensive mode. 
In my case, my husband was passive/aggressive and didn't even realize he was doing it. It wasn't anything I had done. He had issues before me. Mine is a long story. LOL But for me, all I did was send him an article on passive/aggressiveness and a light went off in his head. He realized all on his own what and why he was doing what he was doing. He's like a whole different person after that. 
Sometimes, just going about it in a different way works.  My husband is an amazing man. After all he's done, all I have for him is love. There's no room for resentment in a marriage. It's a poison.

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## Mary Something (May 3, 2014)

I posted a reply, but it didn't show up. Sorry, I'm a newbie. Lol

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## Mary Something (May 3, 2014)

Hi Shoto. Thank you for your response. I tried responding to you a few different times, but my posts didn't show up. I'm such a newbie! 
I agree with everything you said. Communication, and forgiveness is key. There's no room for resentment in a marriage. It's a poison.

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