# Equality in a marriage??



## Lucy9670 (Jun 21, 2010)

I have been married for 9yrs in Sept. We have 3 children 2 are mine 1 together. My H adopted my daughter when she was 2. In the last year things have gone all wrong. 3 mo's ago myself and the children moved out. I have three issues with my H. First is his abusive behavior to myself and the children. He had never been physically violent until May 19th. We got in a argument at "our" house. I was in the process of getting the kids and going back to my house and he flipped. He got very physical with me. He shoved pushed and choked me. My children wittnessed this. After he let me go I called the cops and charges have been filed. He is to go to counseling for this. 

My next issue is the kids. I am a supporter for my kids all the way for everything. My children are 17, 11, and 7. My 17yr old moved out of our house in April because it was just to much for him to handle. My other two children are very involved with sports. I run all of the time with no help from my husband or family. He thinks because our kids are so young that they don't need to be in sports or other activities. I have a VERY hard time with this.

Third issue is equality. In this I mean if it is good enough for him should it not be for me?? This issue has been going on for a LONG time. but I would just bury my self in with the kids. Now the kids are older and not around as much. I will give a example. Last Friday he got off work early had a long day decided to go to the local bar and have a beverage with his buddies. Fine Great everyone needs to unwind. Yesterday I had a HORRIBLE day. Went to the local bar by myself had a beverage. My H came and had a beverage with me when he got to town. But when we left the bar he was very mad that I was at a bar?? 

We are currently trying to work on our mariage. I am going to move back to "our" house at the end of the month. But I am very scared. We are going to counseling but I dont know. Lastnight he was mad because I was went to the bar by myself and that our 11 yr old has practice 5 days a week. I am trying everything to make this work. I quit my part time jobs so I could be with him more. I am just at a loss for what to do. I feel like I am putting 100% in to trying to make this work and him not so much effort. 

Any advise would be great!! The end of the month is fast aproaching!!


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

My advice is to not move back in with him unless you feel completely comfortable. 

As far as the kids and sports, kids NEED sports these days more than ever. I know. My daughter is in med school and soccer scholarships help more than I can say. But not only that, it teaches them so much and allows them many opportunities that they won't get anywhere else. If you wait until your child is older to get into sports, he(she) will be left behind.

As far as being alone in a bar, I know many people that don't approve of a woman being alone in a bar. Your husband should let you know what his feelings are about it and the two of you should negotiate a comfortable resolution. For example, instead of a bar, what about a nice restaurant that has a bar area? Also, what do you feel about him being in a bar alone? For him to just get mad at you, as if you knew what his feelings were about it is what's unfair.


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## Lucy9670 (Jun 21, 2010)

We live in a small town and a nice restaurant is not possible. As far as him going to a bar or whatever by himself or with friends I am game for it. Everyone needs to chill out or relax before coming home if you have had a long day. I don't know if it was me going by myself or just going. That is just a example of how unequal our marriage is. I don't know what to do or say anymore. We have a counseling session tonight. I am going to bring up these issues and see what happens.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I hope you were able to work something out in counseling. You deserve to feel that your marriage is working for you.


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