# Guilty over a kiss



## normajean (Jun 14, 2009)

So I've been married for 3 years and I definitely love my husband. I didn't really date anyone before him. He works late, and last night I went out drinking with a friend. My friend is gay, so we went to a gay club which I like because it limits the chances of me being hit on. So after several hours and lots of drinking, we were leaving. My friend was talking to some other people, and this guy comes up to me, some random dude I'd danced with last time I'd been out. He's asking me all these questions, like what do I do for a living and did I grow up around here. I answered absent mindedly, waiting for my friend to finish his conversation so we could go home. Then this guy asks me for a kiss, and before I know what's happening, I'm giving him one! I just wasn't thinking! There was no tongue, and it was very brief, but the guilt is still KILLING me! My husband had a history of cheating girlfriends before he married me, and the last thing I ever want to do is hurt him. Should I risk hurting him to get rid of my guilt, or keep it a secret? I feel like I can't even look him in the eye right now. What would you guys want your wife/girlfriend to do?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

dont say n e thing. at the end of the day. he made the advance - you didnt. it was unexpected. treat it as a friendly kiss and move on. the bloke just liked you.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

this is nothing, let it go...

One of my co-workers grabbed my wife and kissed her when she wasn't paying attention, she was pissed.

she told me and I told her she should have tongued him and gave him a wink. lol She said, "YUCK!"

I told, to stop hitting on my wife, she is not interested...lol he was shocked that she ahd told me, but my wife and I have a very STRONG relationship and I don't get jealous. 

But if he were the jealous type, I wouldn't say nothing, you were trying to kiss him, this happened to my wife often when she was in college, guys always tried to "steal a kiss"

You can always say, "some guy tried to kiss me, but I turned away, can you believe what a jerk!" he will know that you didn't hide anything.

If you were my wife I wouldn't see it as a huge deal, but not everyone is like me. If he gets real jealous don't say it, if he doesn't get jealous then tell him.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Agree with Justean. It would serve no purpose. 

However, do learn from it. Bars are not good places to go without your spouse. It sends messages you may not want to send and begs temptation.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Don't say anything. Not saying that it's not a big deal but it wouldn't bring anything positive except you think it will make you feel better (but I bet he wouldn't feel better right?).

Agree with Sandy55 about the bar activity. My wife used to go dancing with girlfriends and would drink some and I always worried in the back of my mind what could happen. Everyone says it won't happen to them but a few drinks, some dancing and having a good time can remove a lot of inhibitions.


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## TabbyCat (Jun 13, 2009)

Well, I wouldn't say anything. It's more important to ask yourself (because he would ask you) why? Maybe there is just something inside that you need to work on without saying anything to him. Maybe that's what the guilt could be from? 

If there weren't any feelings other than ("hey, it's nice meeting you") then, forget it. I've learned that sometimes in life, especially about trivial things, keep your mouth shut. It's not worth it. Better to look inside and examine why, and try to resolve it and grow. Then you can forgive yourself and let it go (guilt gone!).


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## elattoo (Jul 4, 2009)

Yikes...tough, tough situation. I might actually go against the flow here and suggest you tell him, just as you have laid it out here. Maybe have your gay friend back you up. Really all you are guilty of is drinking too much and letting your guard down. I wouldn't do it, however to free yourself from guilt. Do it to maintain honesty in your marriage. He may be upset, but I would bet that anger would be directed more at the other guy than at you. I understand your not wanting to let him down though. You know your husband best and how he will respond.


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## Lilly_daddy (Jul 4, 2009)

I would tell your Husband what happenned. Surely the friend you were with would back up what happenned and advise your Hubby that what happenned was purely not your doing.

If I were the Husband and I happenned to be with My Wife and her Gay Friend which of course My Wife Does Have (even helped him come out to his parents I think) and I were at this club with them purely on a night out with friends and the same guy showed up again and said "How about another Kiss" I would hit the Roof and then Knock the Guy right on His Ass.

It's always bette to tell the truth and face the firing squad rather than face the inner turmoil. If you don't say something than it looks a lot like cheating and your just like the others in his eyes.


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## Conflicted (Jun 24, 2009)

You know your husband best and how this will affect him. If it was me i would just forget about it.


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

I say fess up. If you come to him in the way that it happened it shouldn't make a difference. You went to a gay bar and dance and then some guy forced a kiss on you. Not your fault and nothing to be guilty about. If I were you I'd be a little angry about the whole situation. That's not something you should have expected being in the place that you were. 

If he finds out on his own somehow later down the line then it will turn into the problem you probably have lived out in your mind. He will feel betrayed and loose faith in you as a partner. Just come at him more like, " I was out with so and so and this freakin jerk came up to me and kissed me when I was talking." Don't make it out to be more then it was. Unless you were putting yourself out there as not involved then don't worry, it's not your fault


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