# Talk about everything?



## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

Do you talk to your SO about everything? This came up in a conversation the other day. I asked him if he talked to his wife about everything. He said that he does, unless it's a secret thing like a birthday present. He seemed surprised to find out that there are things that I don't talk to my wife about. He understands about the computer stuff. I don't think she knows the difference between a gigabyte and a gigahertz. It's the other stuff that surprised him. Am I the exception or the norm?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I'm assuming he is a buddy? Well some people do talk to their spouse about everything and others do not. Both are perfectly normal. Everyone has their own preferences.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

It may depend on the spouse's interest... Although, I talk to my hubby about everything and 90% of what I say he probably doesn't want to hear! LoL!!  On the other hand, hubby's communications are limited to pretty much "functional" purposes...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

The guy I talked with is my best friend. I've known him longer than I've known my wife. I know that some of the things I would talk about don't interest my wife at all. Computers and magic cards are best discussed with my friend. However, there are things that my wife might consider very important that I don't talk to her about.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Jakobi Greenleaf said:


> Do you talk to your SO about everything? This came up in a conversation the other day. I asked him if he talked to his wife about everything. He said that he does, unless it's a secret thing like a birthday present. He seemed surprised to find out that there are things that I don't talk to my wife about. He understands about the computer stuff. I don't think she knows the difference between a gigabyte and a gigahertz. It's the other stuff that surprised him. Am I the exception or the norm?


I'm in information technology. My wife has no clue as to what I do. People ask, she can't explain it. I just tell people "I'm a computer guy." when what I really am is an application development manager. No, I don't tell my wife everything. I tell her the things she might be able to relate to, not things that will immediately cause her eyes to gloss over.

As far as other things? Well, I used to tell her everything. We have a lot of problems in our marriage after 20 years so that doesn't happen anymore. When I did tell her everything, I think the only thing I would keep to myself is something that might reveal some of my insecurities. I was supposed to be the strong one.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I don't talk to my husband about everything because certain aspects of my life are boring. Lol


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

We talk about her work, the kids and occasionally about something in my life if I bring it up but I have to keep it pretty neat and tidy. After all I do not want to bore her.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't say everything that turns up in my head either. Thank goodness for message boards. It may work for some couples, but I made the mistake of thinking that my husband was my best friend. He is not. And we are now divorced.

Maybe it takes the mystery away to say everything on your mind. Maybe I didn't present it well enough. For example, my expression of concern about the way certain women behaed around made him I think I was the problem. whatever.......

As i've said elsewhere on this board, I have been too trusting and too optimistic about relationships. I had once bought into the belief that once you become and adult, your mom could be your best friend too. I've come to accept that the more I allowed her into my life, the more divsive she became ( ie taking sides with my friends and acquaintances).

I see myself these days as a lone agent. that way I become less surprised and disappointed when a close relationship seems to be pursuing an agenda that's not in my best interest.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

*Re: Re: Talk about everything?*



Mavash. said:


> I don't talk to my husband about everything because certain aspects of my life are boring. Lol


I understand that. If there was something that happened in your life that predates your husband, but would be considered major, would you talk about that with him?


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I have never been one for discussing the intimate details of my life with a wide audience but I have and do discuss everything and anything with by best mate. I even discussed my last prostrate exam with him and that is much more personal than sex.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Jakobi Greenleaf said*: Do you talk to your SO about everything? This came up in a conversation the other day. I asked him if he talked to his wife about everything. He said that he does, unless it's a secret thing like a birthday present. He seemed surprised to find out that there are things that I don't talk to my wife about. He understands about the computer stuff. I don't think she knows the difference between a gigabyte and a gigahertz. It's the other stuff that surprised him. Am I the exception or the norm?


This is how me & my husband are... utterly Transparent....but this DOESN'T mean we speak every recess of our thinking to each other... as much of our day is totally *boring* *boring* boring....

I'd say we both sift through what the highlights of our day is.....then when we come together... we both openly share the Funny







, the sad







the exciting







, the juicy







, the maddening/irritating







....if there is something we want the other to "learn"... be warned of...if he seen an old friend/ if I did- we'll talk about what the other said... you get the drift.. 

He has a few hobbies I would be uninterested in , so he doesn't go on about them....same with me, I read lots of books, but may only share what I was "moved" to learn with him....but IF something pertains to him.... I won't hold anything back. That sort of thing. 

A few days ago, I was very touched how my husband was burning to tell me something....

He says to me in the bathroom..."Can you keep a secret?"- he seems enthusiastic about this... Of course I can & he knows this..... I try to guess... can't do it..I told him I give up..... he goes on to tell me how his Mom doesn't want him even telling me this....she fears the other sister will blow a gasket if she learns....so to keep this something HUSH HUSH..(the reasons fully given). 

He was going on how he can't keep anything from me, telling me I am his soul mate... he feels a weight lifted...he seemed so exuberated after this....and I was laughing because it was such a small thing, not like he had to confess or he did anything wrong.... 

He held on to this for 4 days and he didn't like it. He can't keep nothing from me. I loved that [email protected]#$%^ Just wanted to kiss him -how strongly he feels .... My record is 3 days...his is 4... This secret will come out in time...I just need to act "surprised" when it does. I can do that !


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Jakobi Greenleaf said:


> I understand that. If there was something that happened in your life that predates your husband, but would be considered major, would you talk about that with him?


Yes. About the only thing I keep to myself are things involving men before him. He knows THE number, who my serious exes were and that I dated a lot but I spare him the details. I was kind of a partier but he knows that.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Jakobi Greenleaf said:


> I understand that. If there was something that happened in your life that predates your husband, but would be considered major, would you talk about that with him?


I know this question wasn't directly at me but I want to respond.

First off, there is literally nothing I would not talk to my wife about. I think I used to tell her too much of the mundane stuff. And I think I should have done more of the healthy teasing which involves not telling her things and letting her wonder.

The serious stuff and the important stuff I am no good at hiding or withholding.

The problem is I assumed she was the same. I assumed she would tell me all the important stuff. I assumed she had answered my questions honestly without deception or partial truth.

There has been an awful lot of really big stuff from before we met and since we were married she has withheld or misled or outright lied about. The lies and deceptions are vastly worse to me than the thing being lied about.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

No..my husband does not talk to me about everything going on with him .He didn't even tell me when he had been having trouble with his vision that got worse and worse over 6 month time frame until he actually went to the eye doctor after the fact and they ran a routine blood test that revealed he had an extremely dangerously high blood sugar level..A.K.A diabetes...He doesnt tell me anything until he has to IOW he says he doesn't want to "bother me with his problems"..he does however like to talk sometimes but its more shoot the **** kind of talking like gossip(he can gossip for a solid hour) ...and occassionally when I bring up a subject he may "get into it" and elaborate ..and of course the functional stuff..like hes looking into switching our health insurance and why ..he also deliberately keeps things from me he already knows I wont approve of that he is going to do anyway like buying a gun.Or that will upset me in some way .He "avoids conflict".

And no to that extreme I don't like it ONE bit.I feel shut out..and like on the one hand I know him like the back of my hand..and on the other I know nothing about whats going on in HIS life but what I can see with my own eyes.

Me I tell him "most everything" and probably too much.It feels like I'm "showing him mine' but he doesn't "show me his"...And I also wonder if he thinks I'm "bothering him with my problems"..since he thinks of it that way in reverse.


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## Angel5112 (Jul 25, 2011)

If I have to ask the question, "Would I want to know?", then yes. 

Generally I would say that I talk with my husband about everything; how my day went, things going on in friends/coworkers lives, the kid’s school. Of course there a little boring/inconsequential things that get lost in the fray, but he knows everything of importance about my past and present. I am sure that he also shares everything with me, but I could be wrong.


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