# Hoping to reconcile but don't want to pay separated, unemployed husband's bills



## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

My husband left two weeks ago. I'm not happy about it and would really like to reconcile, but I am working on myself and just hoping he comes to the table. Not looking good so far. 

I have been paying his bills for 4 years (he worked about 1/4 of the time but never made nearly enough money to live on, nevermind help me with thousands in credit card debt racked up because he "couldn't find a job"...really I think he just didn't want to work a 9-to-5. He wants to have his own business, but doesn't move forward because he isn't resourceful enough to figure out how to find investors, etc. despite my constant advice as a new entrepreneur myself.) I am now stuck with bills in both our names such as a car lease I can't afford (he is driving the car, I paid my car off on my own) and he isn't doing anything to work on our marriage. I am sick of it. I am going to try cancel his health insurance Monday (yep, I'm paying for both of us) and other things I do have control over. I want to cancel his car insurance, but if he gets into an accident I'll be screwed as my name is on the car lease along with his. Our car financing company doesn't allow anyone off a loan, or to trade the lease, so I am stuck. In my state we have to have a legal separation for 12 months before we can even divorce, so I'm really worried that I'll have to pay this stupid car lease for 2 more years if we do not reconcile. If we do not reconcile, he will have to leave the country 10 months from now because he is here on a 2-year green card that will expire then. At that point he wouldn't care that his credit is in the toilet, or even that he has debts, because the courts can't touch him.

Other than selling my car, which is worth very little now, and driving the leased car for the next 2 years, do I have any other options??? I haven't spoken with a lawyer yet...need to ask family for help to pay for one. I kinda want to go take the car (I have a second key) and hide it at a friends' where he will never find it, but I worry then he will never ever want to reconcile. I know I do not want a man who doesn't work, but he has been working really, really hard these last two weeks to get a job, any job so maybe I should wait a week or two to see if he will then take over the payments and make the time to go to counseling. He tells his parents he will go to counseling (they told me) but he hasn't made any plans with me. What would you do?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What I did when separating from my wife is find out what my financial obligations would be post-divorce. And then while separated, I've been matching those obligations to her. A few hundred extra because the mortgage payment is more than her rent will be in the future, but that's all I'm taking care of.

As far as the car goes, I would do the swap you mention. No sense paying for a car you can't actually drive, right? But stealing it from him in the middle of the night is wrong too. Talk to your lawyer about that as well.

C


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

The problem is, he won't come to the table to discuss the bills. he won't answer the phone. I don't want -- and can not afford -- to pay his bills. I can't divorce him for a year. Does anyone have any advice??? If I just stop paying bills that are only in his name, won't it push him away more?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Call around, find lawyers who will give you a free consultation. Write down a list of questions that you think are of the most important. After that meeting, it might make you want to generate another list of questions, and ask another atty who will give you a free consult. 

Also... read online. Search separation laws for your state. IF your state has a one year separation rule, then find out if you actually have to FILE to "start" the separation, or it is just your word. Some states will separate the finances and get it all going that way while you are separated, and if it comes to divorce the messy part of it is already done. 

Also.... once you start digging around, you may find that you can do this on your own without it costing much. I did it all myself, and the whole thing cost about $300. And that's because the filing fee was $217. 

Do your homework. It pays to be ahead of the game. He may not have squat..... but you can protect yourself!


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