# Now allowed to buy anything



## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

When the wife wants buy something, I NEVER say a word about it. But when I want to buy something for the house, she then gives me the 3rd degree. For example, I suggested that we needed more shelves in garage because stuff starting to collect on floor. Even ask her to come to the garage to show her. Then she got upset. She said," I thought we were saving up for a kitchen faucet. But what i am confuse about she just bought 6 precious moments yesterday. If i would have to take a guess, she has over 200 precious moments. Last month she bought a Holiday barbie doll.The shelves I suggest to buy came to total of $38 after taxes. Anytime I suggest we buy something for the house, she try to make me feel guilty about it. When I question her buying those things yesterday and last week, after she told me I thought we were saving up for kitchen faucet. She then said i was an ass hole.


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

Oh my god, Precious Moments. Aren't those creepy things worth something like $30-$100 a piece? You'd probably have your faucet by now if she held back on them. 

IMO you're in the right, here. $38 for shelves isn't going to break the bank. I think you just need to have a serious talk with her about priorities, needs and wants, etc.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Your wife is definitely out of line. Calling you names to cover for her selfishness is unacceptable. Shelving for the garage is more important than a $40.00 Holiday Barbie and a collection of precious moments. I collect fashion dolls as I am a fashion designer, but if my husband wants shelving for the garage that is more important as it is for household use.

I would be bothered if my husband called me names. Bothered to call it enough WWIII. I would not tolerate such name calling. I would not only be livid, but I would call my husband rude, selfish, and ignorant to use such language. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "you are only inferior if you let them". Your wife thinks highly of herself and feels that you are inferior. Have a serious talk with her and tell her that what she calls you is "definitely her brand"; totally ghetto.


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

batsociety said:


> Oh my god, Precious Moments. Aren't those creepy things worth something like $30-$100 a piece?
> 
> IMO you're in the right, here. $38 for shelves isn't going to break the bank. I think you just need to have a serious talk with her about priorities, needs and wants, etc.


Hi Batsociety,
Yes cost that much but she bought them from a store that sell use items. She paid $5 a piece for them. Every time I try having talk about it, she think she does no wrong and then calls me ass hole. So not sure how to talk to a person that doesnt believe she does no wrong.


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## koukisdad (Feb 6, 2015)

will it be normal to find a wife who don't buy things irrationally ?

I have never ever in my whole life met a woman who preserve money for things Husband chooses.

The only case when a hub is able to spend money is when she already spent at least 2-3 times of what he is begging for ...

I keep a log sheet in my pocket to expose when any argument about money occurs; I don't talk I just post the statement on the dashboard !


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

You call her out on it. 

So what if she calls you an azzhole. Is that going to kill you? Are you scared to escalate an argument, scared she will not like you?

News flash! She's already on the path of mimimizing you. Start getting used to defending your boundaries. And next time she calls you an azzhole, laugh in her face. "if I'm an azzhole for wanting shelves, then your a Kunt for buying 60 dollars worth of useless crap when we need a new faucet. Beotch."

Something about that word is a good way to escalate.....


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

Roselyn said:


> Your wife is definitely out of line. Calling you names to cover for her selfishness is unacceptable. Shelving for the garage is more important than a $40.00 Holiday Barbie and a collection of precious moments. I collect fashion dolls as I am a fashion designer, but if my husband wants shelving for the garage that is more important as it is for household use.
> 
> I would be bothered if my husband called me names. Bothered to call it enough WWIII. I would not tolerate such name calling. I would not only be livid, but I would call my husband rude, selfish, and ignorant to use such language. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "you are only inferior if you let them". Your wife thinks highly of herself and feels that you are inferior. Have a serious talk with her and tell her that what she calls you is "definitely her brand"; totally ghetto.


Hi Roselyn,
I agree is selfish on her part. Just wish she start acting like we married and not a one way street. Its been like this for many years, she goes out of her way to make me feel guilty. I am sure thats called mental abuse what she doing. Sounds like you a good wife and have a good marriage. You so lucky. I dont know what a good marriage feels like to tell you the truth. In my marriage i feel lonely and scared to do anything without making her upset.


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

Would it be possible to set up separate budgets for some of these items? Maybe you could each get so much per week for unnecessary stuff like her dolls and frivolous stuff for you. Then so much per week for home improvement needs like shelving. 

Her disrespect of you is another issue, that goes deeper than spending money.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I agree with you, buying shelves for your garage makes a lot more sense than her buying precious moments figurines. Name calling is not ok.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

How old are you and your wife? Her treatment towards you is juvenile and disrespectful. A marriage needs to have mutual respect towards each other. I am 57 years old and would be 35 years married. 

Dennis, you need to work on yourself especially with your self-esteem. You cannot survive in this marriage without respect from your wife. If it is within your financial means, see a psychologist to work on yourself and face the truth about your wife. If you wish to save your marriage, seek out a marriage counselor. If finances are tight, there are many churches that offer counseling. Ask for assistance as you will need it in this marriage.


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

koukisdad said:


> will it be normal to find a wife who don't buy things irrationally ?
> 
> I have never ever in my whole life met a woman who preserve money for things Husband chooses.
> 
> ...


Hi Kourkisdad,
I already been down that road before. It doesnt work with her.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I noticed in your other thread that you do not work, is that still the case? Is she using that against you when you are wanting to buy something?


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

alphaomega said:


> You call her out on it.
> 
> So what if she calls you an azzhole. Is that going to kill you? Are you scared to escalate an argument, scared she will not like you?
> 
> ...


HI Alphaomega,
Been there and done that. She will defend her actions until she is blue in the face. Then we end up in big fight for 2 days does. After years of that, I pretty much just let her get her way.


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

that.girl said:


> Would it be possible to set up separate budgets for some of these items? Maybe you could each get so much per week for unnecessary stuff like her dolls and frivolous stuff for you. Then so much per week for home improvement needs like shelving.
> 
> Her disrespect of you is another issue, that goes deeper than spending money.


Hi Girl,
That wouldnt work in our case because we dont have enough money to make 2 separate budgets. I know she disrespect me. Thats why i has to beg her go marriage therapy with me. We went to total of 3 different ones though out the years. She stop going to them. First one we seen was a female, and wife said she was a ***** so we stop going. Then few years later we went back to another one and it was a female again. Then wife said she was a ***** too. So last year we went to another one and this time it was a male. Then wife said he was a ass hole and once again she stop going.


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

Happilymarried25 said:


> I agree with you, buying shelves for your garage makes a lot more sense than her buying precious moments figurines. Name calling is not ok.


HI Happilymarried,
thanks for agreeing with me


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I noticed in your other thread that you do not work, is that still the case? Is she using that against you when you are wanting to buy something?


Hi Slowly,
I am disable, so i get a monthly check. She runs childcare out of hour home for money. My check is larger then what she get from doing childcare. She calls it her money.


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

Dennis68 said:


> Hi Girl,
> That wouldnt work in our case because we dont have enough money to make 2 separate budgets. I know she disrespect me. Thats why i has to beg her go marriage therapy with me. We went to total of 3 different ones though out the years. She stop going to them. First one we seen was a female, and wife said she was a ***** so we stop going. Then few years later we went back to another one and it was a female again. Then wife said she was a ***** too. So last year we went to another one and this time it was a male. Then wife said he was a ass hole and once again she stop going.


Do you have a budget at all? Is it followed?


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

Roselyn said:


> How old are you and your wife? Her treatment towards you is juvenile and disrespectful. A marriage needs to have mutual respect towards each other. I am 57 years old and would be 35 years married.
> 
> Dennis, you need to work on yourself especially with your self-esteem. You cannot survive in this marriage without respect from your wife. If it is within your financial means, see a psychologist to work on yourself and face the truth about your wife. If you wish to save your marriage, seek out a marriage counselor. If finances are tight, there are many churches that offer counseling. Ask for assistance as you will need it in this marriage.


Rose, i am 48 years old and she is 47 years old. Been married for almost 25 years. We already been to 3 different marriage counselors though out the years. First counselor wife said she was a B****, so she stop going after a month. Second counselor wife also said was a B***, she stop going after 3 months. Then 3rd counselor was a male this time. She stop seeing him because she claim he was a ass hole.


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

that.girl said:


> Do you have a budget at all? Is it followed?


Yes GIrl we only have one budget. Sometimes hard to follow when unexpected bills pop up.


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## koukisdad (Feb 6, 2015)

Sorry to know about your disability ; but glad that you don't need her financially or at least you are a bread winner also .

I advise you to make it clear to her that you need a monthly budget for yourself , were you have freedom to move ; if you find that difficult to achieve ; use tricks ; spend some money on things you want ; then expose the truth to her that the money you have is not enough to pay for necessities !


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

Dennis68 said:


> Yes GIrl we only have one budget. Sometimes hard to follow when unexpected bills pop up.


How do her collectibles fit into the budget? Does she keep to the agreed amounts?


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

koukisdad said:


> Sorry to know about your disability ; but glad that you don't need her financially or at least you are a bread winner also .
> 
> I advise you to make it clear to her that you need a monthly budget for yourself , were you have freedom to move ; if you find that difficult to achieve ; use tricks ; spend some money on things you want ; then expose the truth to her that the money you have is not enough to pay for necessities !


Thanks Koukisdad,
That isnt going to work with her. For example I bought 3 packs of 9 volt batteries for the smoke detectors in our house. I change the batteries once per year. But yelled at me because she claim I bought too many of them and I should return the extra ones back to the store. She yelled at me before I even had chance to explain we have total of 6 smoke detectors, and we needed all 6 batteries.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

After 25 years of marriage, can you continue to live this way? You have been to three marriage counselors and she continues to behave in this manner. She is psychologically abusing you. She is unwilling to work on your marriage.

Does she have positive attributes that made you stay with her for 25 years? If so, what are these? Her manic collecting of dolls and figurines has psychological implications. I believe that she is focusing on this hoarding behavior to cover up for her inner feelings.

You mentioned that you are disabled. Did she act any different before you got disabled? From my calculation you got married when you were only 23 years old. I married my husband when he was 24 years old. So much have changed then, that my husband is a different man today. Has your wife changed as well?


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

that.girl said:


> How do her collectibles fit into the budget? Does she keep to the agreed amounts?


She said it was her money she earn from child care business she run out of our house.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Start by investing in "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Married Man's Sex Life Primer". You can actually get them online, and the first one can be found for free. 

We can agree you're in the right here till we're blue in the face, but until you decide to do something about it, it will do you no good.

C


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

Roselyn said:


> After 25 years of marriage, can you continue to live this way? You have been to three marriage counselors and she continues to behave in this manner. She is psychologically abusing you. She is unwilling to work on your marriage.
> 
> Does she have positive attributes that made you stay with her for 25 years? If so, what are these? Her manic collecting of dolls and figurines has psychological implications. I believe that she is focusing on this hoarding behavior to cover up for her inner feelings.
> 
> You mentioned that you are disabled. Did she act any different before you got disabled? From my calculation you got married when you were only 23 years old. I married my husband when he was 24 years old. So much have changed then, that my husband is a different man today. Has your wife changed as well?


Rose,
After 25 years of this, i dont know if i can or not. Like i told you before, i dont know what a happy marriage suppose to feel like. I never really had one. I guess i am use to my marriage being the way it has been. Do i want it get better ? YES I DO. I so much want to know what a happy marriage feels like before my time is up on this earth. No her actions was same before disabled and after.


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

PBear said:


> Start by investing in "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Married Man's Sex Life Primer". You can actually get them online, and the first one can be found for free.
> 
> We can agree you're in the right here till we're blue in the face, but until you decide to do something about it, it will do you no good.
> 
> C


Thanks PBear.


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## koukisdad (Feb 6, 2015)

Dear Denise ,

Sorry that you are going through this ;It seems that some ppl suck happiness from hearts and they don't try to change ....

If you don't mind answering ...:

- what is the extent of your disability ? are u able to independant in handling your daily needs ?

-When she helps ... did she ever do it without nagging ?


If she does , you just need a nurse not a lovely wife !


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Dennis68 said:


> When the wife wants buy something, I NEVER say a word about it. But when I want to buy something for the house, she then gives me the 3rd degree. For example, I suggested that we needed more shelves in garage because stuff starting to collect on floor. Even ask her to come to the garage to show her. Then she got upset. She said," I thought we were saving up for a kitchen faucet. But what i am confuse about she just bought 6 precious moments yesterday. If i would have to take a guess, she has over 200 precious moments. Last week she bought a Holiday barbie doll.The shelves I suggest to buy came to total of $38 after taxes. Anytime I suggest we buy something for the house, she try to make me feel guilty about it. When I question her buying those things yesterday and last week, after she told me I thought we were saving up for kitchen faucet. She then said i was an ass hole.


You are married to a woman who collects precious moments figures and buys barbie dolls, and yet you expect her to be reasonable about anything? I avoid those women like the plague!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Have you considered the idea that if you want a happy marriage, it may just mean divorce?? THEN maybe you will find someone who doesn't treat you like crap. 

You are a grown man. Why do you have to ask your wife for $38? When your check comes in, just go buy the faucet AND the shelves. Quit asking! 

If that means the budget is short, then she can either pitch in some of her money or go without cable or whatever else is non-essential.

YOU do have the means to take care of this. You are just avoiding any displeasure from her... which makes no sense since she isn't very nice to you anyway. Who cares if she gets mad? 

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. You have GOT to find your balls! And then USE them to either get this marriage together, or to get out of it.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

koukisdad said:


> will it be normal to find a wife who don't buy things irrationally ?
> 
> I have never ever in my whole life met a woman who preserve money for things Husband chooses.
> 
> ...


Yes, it would be normal to find a wife who doesn't spend irrationally. YOUR wife, and OP's wife have spending problems...not all women do. Generalizing doesn't make sense, usually isn't true, and probably won't help anyone.


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

koukisdad said:


> Dear Denise ,
> 
> Sorry that you are going through this ;It seems that some ppl suck happiness from hearts and they don't try to change ....
> 
> ...


Thanks Koukisdad, 
I wish she change into a living caring person. As for my disablity, i rather not talk much about it. I want to stay on topic, but i can move around without any help. So cant really say she nag about that.


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

SurpriseMyself said:


> You are married to a woman who collects precious moments figures and buys barbie dolls, and yet you expect her to be reasonable about anything? I avoid those women like the plague!


Hi SurpriseMySelf,
lol I dont have problem with her buying precious moments figures and holiday barbie dolls. I have problem with her trying to make me feel bad about buying anything for the house.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I think the question about your disability is more about how active you are in the marriage. 

Do you do your share of housework?

Do you have a decent sex life? 

Do you take care of yourself to remain attractive to your wife? 

Is there anything good that you love about your wife?

You know you can't change her. Are you willing to divorce her? If you toughen up and she doesn't want to compromise with you, and doesn't change her spending and the disrespect..... would you consider divorce?

(I am not advocating divorce, but if she thinks that she can always walk all over you.... then she has no reason to change or compromise. You may have to be ready to divorce to see if she will ever work WITH you, or not.)


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## Dennis68 (Apr 16, 2014)

SunnyT said:


> Have you considered the idea that if you want a happy marriage, it may just mean divorce?? THEN maybe you will find someone who doesn't treat you like crap.
> 
> You are a grown man. Why do you have to ask your wife for $38? When your check comes in, just go buy the faucet AND the shelves. Quit asking!
> 
> ...


 Hi Sunny,
I didnt ask her if she could give me money for the shelves. I do have the money for that. I only ask her to come out in garage to explain to her how we needed to get more shelves space. Then thats why she started yelling at me and then said though we were saving up for kitchen faucet. But i dont know why she even said that in first place because we do have plenty money in the bank to buy the shelves and the kitchen faucet. I care if she gets mad because I dont feel like hearing her going on and on for next few days over shelves.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

Dennis68 said:


> . I only ask her to come out in garage to explain to her how we needed to get more shelves space.



Why do you need to explain it to her? Does she explain to you why she needs dolls?



Dennis68 said:


> . I do have the money for that.



She buys her dolls because she has the money.... Why can't you do the same? 😒



Dennis68 said:


> Then thats why she started yelling at me. I care if she gets mad because I dont feel like hearing her going on and on for next few days over shelves.



Why do you allow her to yell at you? YOU allow her to go on and on. Stop being a doormat. You're acting like a little boy who is scare of his mommy. She's not your mom.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

koukisdad said:


> will it be normal to find a wife who don't buy things irrationally ?
> 
> I have never ever in my whole life met a woman who preserve money for things Husband chooses.
> 
> ...


What a crock. Maybe this is your personal life experience but how does that make it the rest of the world's? I know of as many situations where it is the man that is the over spender.
Most people I know however have fairly balanced financial lives.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Dennis68 said:


> Rose,
> After 25 years of this, i dont know if i can or not. Like i told you before, i dont know what a happy marriage suppose to feel like. I never really had one. I guess i am use to my marriage being the way it has been. Do i want it get better ? YES I DO. I so much want to know what a happy marriage feels like before my time is up on this earth. No her actions was same before disabled and after.


There is so much pain in your post. I can only tell you what my marriage is like. I want to see my husband's face when I wake up and before I go to bed. I feel content and safe in my marriage. I fear no criticism and I have a sense of belonging. I have peace in my world.

I am the breadwinner. I make 4 times as much as my husband does. He used to be the breadwinner. It doesn't matter to us who makes what amount as long as there are meat and potatoes in the refrigerator. 

We have one account. He can buy anything he wants and has no need for my permission. He pays the bills and keeps the books in the household. He wanted this job at the beginning of our marriage and continues today. He insists that we go over everything, now and then, so that I know where everything is.

You might have to think of divorce. You have waited so long for a change. You are only 48 years old as I am 57 years of age. It is never too late to have a better life. I wish you courage to make the changes.


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

Dennis68.... Why does she behave in this manner? I very much doubt it has anything to do with you. If you know she is doing this because of some childhood issues, try not to get to angry about it. That's just her crazy way of thinking. Let her be mad all by herself. However, if this behavior is present beyond financial issues, you need to find out why she sees you as some sort of barrier between her and happiness. I'm sure she didn't always see you in a negative light. So try to work with her to get back to that point, whether you are at fault or not.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Dennis, not sure of your exact disability or where you live, but in my state it is now a crime to financially take advantage of someone who has a disability. Regardless of familial relationship. 

You might want to look into that. Most states have a division for protection of elderly and disabled. You can call your state's Attorney General hot line and ask for a referral. 

It's not right that your disability money isn't available to you to manage on your own, if you are able to do so. 

Someone who is acting on your behalf such as your wife (or any other person) who berates you for spending on things like smoke detector batteries or home improvements such as shelving to prevent clutter (and becoming a fire trap) is being abusive, particularly if they are controlling your money and making purchases such as dust collectors which do not contribute in any meaningful way to your welfare (other than her wanting to keep you alive so that she can continue to get a check...but that too might come to a foregone conclusion...where you are worth more to her dead than alive...and this abuse will just turn to neglect.)

My advice if she is resistant to outside help/intervention and as controlling as she is, is to take your disability check (which cannot be lost in a divorce) and leave. There is a better life somewhere, where you can change smoke detectors and have it be a normal expense that you don't get yelled at for. 

You are living in h*ll on earth my man. Get out.
This is no marriage, it sounds like you are somebody's cash cow rather than an equal human being.

If you have signed any powers of attorney or anything like that designating her as your guardian, you can also go to the state department that handles guardianships (typically in the judicial branch) and ask for a review. 

You can also ask someone you trust or an attorney who does such things, to become your guardian, on account of disability. Then your wife has to answer to that person for necessary expenses. Good luck to her with getting money for her dust collectors, in that case.

For some people, money makes them do bad things. The solution is to prevent them from doing the bad things by removing the money from the equation between the two of you. A third party handling your money, to which she will need to be accountable for every penny, is the solution. You can also have a debit card set up just for you. You have the pin, you make the purchases. If she uses it for something else, there will be a record of it and she can be held accountable. 

Your wife is out of control. She will not change on her own. But she may change according to new constraints, at least she will have to.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

One thing is clear Dennis68.

It's not about the money.


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

I'm sort of laughing, kinda of funny. Buy your stinking shelves, tell her the figurines can go burn in hell, which is probably where they belong, heck, I thought I had problems! Who writes this stuff anyway? xxx


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

Dennis you are letting her push you around.

Stop it!


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