# need advice



## isisgirl (Nov 10, 2015)

He left me about a month ago. Moved across the country after more than 10 years of marriage. He emailed me after 2 weeks and said he still loves me...than another week I tell him I do as well. he says he wants me to move there but leave my adult son behind...he lives with me, says he cant live with him anymore. my son is not prepared to live on his own...he's in his early 20s and doesn't have anyone really to go live with. Its not fair...any of you see an alternative besides just telling him to go take a hike.


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Your son you will have for life. He left you once and will again. Do not go!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Don't you go. Douche leaves and his plan A didn't work out so he wants his plan b. Don't you do it. Your son is your blood. I know you're lonely and miss your old life but it's gone. 

I'd rather be by myself than to abandon my son. Yes, he should be on his own but many are not ready, especially with rents so high and wages that millennials get. Mine aren't ready either.

Work on yourself. Don't rush into any relationships. Learn to be by yourself for a year. Exercise and eat right. Once your officially divorced, you can think about dating but wait until it's official. Men will respect you more for it. If douche comes crawling back, you make him earn you back.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Don't go.
Now that your old man is away, take the extra time you now have by preparing your son for the real world.
You have a lot of catching up to do if your son is in his early 20s and not dependent enough to at least get some friends together and rent a place.

Your old man can wait...get your son ready to be independent enough to be on his own.

Or

Your old man can bring his dumb @ss back home. I mean really WTF!!!

BTW what's his new girl friends name?


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## isisgirl (Nov 10, 2015)

the guy....my son works and I've already had that talk with him to get his own place with his friends...he keeps going back n forth about staying with one of his friends who lives with his girlfriend....my dilemma is if I move across the country, I wont be here to help him if something bad happened and at his age, who knows and I would worry constantly. it just hurts that he'd even want me to do that... He doesn't to live with him because he says he's done it for years and he's sick of it. I feel like im having to choose between the two of them which really sucks.....why do you ask what his new girlfriend's name is...you think?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

isisgirl said:


> My husband who ive been in a relationship with for almost 15 years left me. He left me about 10 years ago for about 2 months and now today he has left again....he went home which is about 2000 miles from meand i know the relationship is not good for me but i cant seem to let go even though i probably should...when he left before i tried so hard to get over him and since hes so far away its pretty easy to not have any contact with him but when he contacted me we decided to get back together and started all over...he did change in some positive ways but he continued to be very selfish...using drugs, not ever working a job and letting me support him, and being hard on my son who is now 22 and lives with us...he is not his bio dad....hes been very vocal that he wants it to just be us...my son is not ready yet...well, in the past year i started to *withdraw from him because of his anger, lots of rage (verbal)at me and my son and i slowly stopped giving him money to buy his drug (weed) and in the last month i told him no more weed unless he could pay for it on his own... thats when hell started, once that was gone
> *
> 
> this morning when i woke up he was gone and he left a note basically saying he was going to stay with his friend and that it was best we separate and that we argue about too much stuff...he wrote he didnt expect me to wait and hoped i understood.....ive gotten counseling in the past, he refused and i asked him to see a doctor *for the mood swings* and he refused....i feel so empty and scared, i know i should be grateful hes gone but im not....how do i even try to put my life back together when all think about is him...am i wrong for how i feel about my son?


Basically our husband left you because you no longer pay for his weed.

He's never worked and so you have been the sole support of your husband. 

He's an angry, controlling, abusive, dope head.

Now please tell me why you would leave your son for this man? 

How many friends do you have? How close are you to your extended family? My bet is that your husband is trying to cut the one last tie you have to any emotional support from anyone but him. That would give him 100% control of you. And he needs 100% control of you because he needs the money you earn.

Please do not go back to your husband... take care of yourself for a change.

I would also never move away from where my son lives. Why would I do that? Why would you want to do that?

.

isisgirl's previous thread


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/300858-im-lost.html


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