# Missing my old life



## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

Well, its been a few weeks since I've been on this site. I had quite a few ups and downs inthat time, but at the same time I maintainsed the knowledge that all of this was for the best. I've now been out of my home for 2 months, stbxh was cheating for 2 months before that. When I think back at the last 4 months and the things my H did, I usually find every confidence that he was done with us well before I was. But this morning I'm really having a hard time.

My H continues to tell me that he doesn't want a divorce. I think I believe him when he tells me that the OW is going to be out of our house before the end of the week. He tells me how sorry he is for everything, but that he knows he can't change the past. Part of me wishes that he would just start fighting for me, but I know him and this won't happen. He still believes this all just "Happened", and I get the fact that I was the one to file divorce thrown at me too frequently.

Its good to type this because it helps, but at the same time I can't help but remember my old life. Our situation was similar and ifferent from lots of people here. I was really happy in my old life and completely blindsided by my H's affair. He tells me that he had everything he wanted in life before this happened, but then why in gods name would he have done this to us?

After 10 years of a life I so wanted to have, its over. And everything feels brand new. I'm not scared of it, but obviously like today. There are days when I feel such sorrow for what I've lost. I'm just waiting for the days when I'm happier in my current situation then when I was with my H.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Dont believe nothing he says as he is still in the fog. You done the right thing by filing as soon as I found out my Ex w had another man in the picture it was the first thing I done. Dont want to allow them to cake eat and try and keep you on the fence. Its still ruff for me and I have ups and downs but hey we can get through this it just takes time. Im wanting to be happy again and as in your situation I was happy in my marriage and was blindsided by the affair but guess it was better now than later although that doesnt change the pain its caused.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

How sick. She was living there? I'm so sorry. 

He is in the fog, and maybe you are too. This is crazy...4 months and they're living together IN YOUR HOME. 

 I say, Eff that guy...


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

that girl - yes I know. The moving her into our house is still just one of the things that remind me of why I'm happy I left and filed for divorce. There are a variety of things like this that I hate thinking about, but its good to reaffirm my choices.

I'm just one of those people who over analyze and like to know all the why's... and I have nothing from this that tells me why this happened. I know that I'm in control of my life and most days I feel good. I've been spending time with a new group of friends. Making a list of "bucket" to dos for myslef to hopefully help me find the girl who I'm going to be. 

I think most of these feelings today sprung from the visit I made to the house last night to drop off our son and pack up things I left behind. (Also stuff for the new baby due in february). I got another full car load and slowly I'm removing myself from the house we signed on during our honeymoon. 

Any idea when I'll stop hating all the happy memories?


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

Sometimes I feel I'll never get out of this haze either. And my stbx keeps saying we can't reconcile, but he has not filed for divorce at all. I am still waiting. I WAS going to file because I just felt fed up, abused and hurt, but I couldn't do it. I wasn't ready to let go like that. I told him if he wants it, he files. And so I'm just waiting. But I refuse to believe he hasn't filed yet because he misses me, or anything of the like. If he missed me so damn much, we wouldn't be here. 
I totally understand what you mean when you say you miss your life that you once had. I do too. I feel short changed as my marriage hadn't even lasted a year. It was wrtchedly painful and continues to be from time to time. Will it ever not hurt? Idk, but as time goes on, we are learning things about ourselves and our stbx's, and possibly seeing new truths.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Just remind yourself to be totally realistic about what you are doing and the choices you will make. He is the same man and probably always will be. Now, if you can forgive him and move back in the home (you two shared, then he shared with the other w) and be happy or at least work together to make it a positive union, you deserve it to yourself and family. But don't let him hold all the power about everything. Make sure he wants you back and much as you want to go back or you will be here again. I will pray that you are blessed with discernment.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

LostJB said:


> I'm just one of those people who over analyze and like to know all the why's... and I have nothing from this that tells me why this happened. I know that I'm in control of my life and most days I feel good. I've been spending time with a new group of friends. Making a list of "bucket" to dos for myslef to hopefully help me find the girl who I'm going to be.
> 
> I think most of these feelings today sprung from the visit I made to the house last night to drop off our son and pack up things I left behind. (Also stuff for the new baby due in february). I got another full car load and slowly I'm removing myself from the house we signed on during our honeymoon.
> 
> Any idea when I'll stop hating all the happy memories?



I'm with you 100%. 4 months ago my stbxw's affair started, I caught on and gave her many chances to talk to me about it and stop what was happening. After the last straw, I moved out (without a word) 5 weeks ago and have since filed for divorce. We didn't see each other in person for a full month. 

But having been over the house a few times this last week (to help W who had an accident and got hurt pretty bad, as well as to get some more things) has really stirred my emotions and I feel it trying to chip away at my resolve. I see bits of the "old her" all of a sudden, though it's prob just because she's vulnerable from the injury...but it's hard to process. She will not open up about what happened even to say "I'm sorry". Not that I've been asking, because to me it's obvious that she needs to take that step herself. But the fact that she doesn't see fit to explain herself makes me feel like she really doesn't care...that's what hurts the most. Not that she sees/hears that from me though, 180 has been my friend for almost 2 months now.

In my mind, raw anger is much easier to deal with than sadness and missing the good times that were really not so long ago. As you put it, "missing my old life". I think it will be this way for a while, here's hoping I'm wrong.

Thinking good thoughts for you today, hope you feel better soon.


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

At this point, all the uginess that occured over the last 4 months would very likely be too much for me to ever take him back. I know that the man he is now isn't the man I want in my life. Even if he is the same man I married, so much damage has been caused. And he's such a selfish person that I couldn't be with him. I keep holding out hope that he'll go to counseling and address these issues, and truely come to me willing to fight for the love that we had. 

But I need to be realistic. I need to try to find the the hope that someday I won't miss our old life. I guess I'm just going through the mourning process. Remembering the good times, the way he used to make me feel. If we could turn back time... But again reality. 

Focusing on myself and my kids is where I need to be. I just wish my H would start making SOME of the right decisions, at least for situations that affect the kids.


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