# My story...looking for advice



## stephneenee (Mar 7, 2011)

Sorry it's so long but it just kind of spilled out once I got started....

Anyway, here goes....My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. It's been a crazy time for us. We had our first daughter and then I got blood clots in my lungs 4 weeks later and almost died (i was only 28). A few months later I had to have my gall bladder removed. My parents moved in with us to help out. 

When our daughter was 6 months old we found out that I had more blood clots (in my leg this time). We also found out that we were going to have another baby. This led to all sorts of issues due to the meds I was on and the possible complications of it all. My boyfriend asked me to contemplate NOT having the baby so that we could eliminate the risk and make sure he wasn't going to be raising our daughter alone. 

I thought long and hard about it and decided against that route when the doctors finally assured us everything would be ok. My brothers 3 kids stayed with us that summer...This and more led us to a very stressful time in our relationship. We fought alot and seemed to barely be able to tolerate each other at times. 

Two days before our daughter was born I wasn't even sure that he'd go to the hospital with me. I was scheduled to be induced in the hopes that they could eliminate some of the possible risks for everyone and have it be more controlled. He did wind up going and we sat there all day waiting until they decided to turn things off and let me rest for the night. During the night the dr came in and woke me up to tell me that I was going to have an emergency C-section becasue the babie's heart rate was simply too eratic and it was getting to a dangerous level. Turned out her cord was wrapped around her neck twice....She was rushed to NICU before I was even in the recovery room. She spent a week there with oxygen tubes and an IV in her tiny forehead. 

Her dad and I spent the week reconnecting and reaffirming things with each other. We vowed to make things better between us and only to move forward from that point. Afterall, through everything that happened, we had never stopped loving one another! We were finally blessed enough to take our beautiful daughter home to complete our little family. Things were great with us....We talked more than ever and made time to be together. My parents moved out a few months later. We bought a new boat and spent almost everyday on it until it got too cold for the girls. 

One of my friend's got out of a bad relationship and stayed with us for a couple of months. Things got a little stressful again as we began to take our issues with her and her parenting skills (or lack of) out on each other. She moved out and things got better again. Then one day I was messing around on his computer and I found an email from his ex wife....It said how she still loved him more than anything and knew he loved her that way and had never loved me and how they weren't getting any younger and should get back together asap. I confronted him about it and we had a big fight about it. I asked him if there was anything else he needed to tell me about any of that and he assured me there wasn't.We talked a bunch and then we made up. 

Something still just felt off about it to me so...I emailed her. She quickly wrote him to joke about how I didn't know that they had spent time together and went fishing and even slept together. I guess the joke was on her becasue I was the one who saw the email-not him! I once again confronted him about it all. I'll admit that I even broke down about it all once but somehow remained eerily calm for most of it. I was hurt and confused and unsure of where to go. 

Here I was trying to build a life with this guy and he had committed the ultimate betrayal...and with his ex! I'm not sure why but that made it worse for me. Have I mentioned that we work at the same place? She's been trying to get him back pretty much since they got divorced. And then I find out that he actually slept with her when we were together....The truths came spilling out of him then...It was like a floodgate had broken. 

Not that it made it any easier to deal with but....It happened back that fateful summer...the one I mentioned where we could barely stand each other. Not I'm at the point where I'm trying to decide where to go from here. 

I mean I do love this guy but how do I ever trust him again? How do I let go of this and move on with our life together? He's so sorry and so apoligetic about things but how do I stop myself from thinking about all the lies? How do I get past wondering if he's lieing to me now? How do I know things with her are really over? 

I mean, obviously, he could have left me and been with her by now if he wanted...and he has been working overtime to prove himself to me....He begs my forgiveness but I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive yet or even at all. I just can't seem to stop myself from dwelling on it and everytime he comes home late..I can't stop myself from wondering if he's with her. He claims he loves me and our life and that it was just a really bad point where he turned to her becasue she was a reminder of his past and all the freedom he had back then. 

How do I make myself believe that the next time we have a rough patch that he won't go running to her again? Please help me....I'd like to try to make things work with him but I just don't know if I can get past all of this...If you have any words of wisdom or inspiration, etc...I'd love to hear them!


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I'm really sorry your here.

While your here, Im sure you need some help/support/advice..

Just a suggestion, you are more likely to get help if you make it easier for people to read your story...

It's really hard to read, I tried to read it but it's tough. It's one giant run on sentence/ball of text...

Could you space the paragraphs or edit it a little to be easier to read?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

So here's my take on your story.

First, don't have people stay with you. Whether it was the nephews or your friend, it doesn't help your relationship.

if he is trying to regain your trust, you have to meet him half way. if not, then there will always be mistrust and it is corrosive to the relationship.


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## stephneenee (Mar 7, 2011)

I spaced it out some...hope it helps. Thanks for the suggestion


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## stephneenee (Mar 7, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> So here's my take on your story.
> 
> First, don't have people stay with you. Whether it was the nephews or your friend, it doesn't help your relationship.
> 
> if he is trying to regain your trust, you have to meet him half way. if not, then there will always be mistrust and it is corrosive to the relationship.


We've pretty much decided the same thing about people living with us!

I DID trust him and the 1st time we had problems he ran to her....I am trying to meet him 1/2 way but I'm having a hard time with it. I try to be ok but I don't want to be fake either!


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I read your story. If your wondering why you aren't getting more responses, its because your answer is pretty clear and I think you know it.

It's a matter of decision. Yours.

If you choose to give it a shot, you have to commit to giving it 100% or nothing at all... it will be very difficult and there will be really bad days, and there will be good days... and lots of stuff in between. 

Two choices. 

All In or Fold.

Your play.


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## stephneenee (Mar 7, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> I read your story. If your wondering why you aren't getting more responses, its because your answer is pretty clear and I think you know it.
> 
> It's a matter of decision. Yours.
> 
> ...


Thanks...I guess I was just looking for ideas on ways to be able to move past it all...to be able to trust him again. I love him and I know I want it to work. I just wish there was a way to know he's sincere about it all.


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