# Participating in Husband's hobbies/sports?



## txhunter54 (Jul 4, 2010)

My wife has shown no interest in any of my hobbies including working out, hunting, fishing, archery, shooting sports, golf, walking the dogs. She has one hobby -quilting.

Do I try to find another hobby my wife might be interested in? How do I get her interested in any of my existing hobbies without finding a new one? I'm not expecting her to take up all of my hobbies.

BTW, I'm not taking up quilting!!!!! 

Do any of you participate in your husband's hobbies?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ask her what sounds like fun to her: being physically active, learning something new, refining a skill, stuff like that. And then figure out which of your hobbies would allow her to do that, and show her.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If you are trying to find ways to reconnect with your wife and/or spend more time together, you may need to broaden your idea of what makes for a good hobby. If she loves quilting (something not terribly physical), archery and hunting may be the opposite of what appeals to her. You can play games together and find a community of players--like Scrabble, for instance. Or something like looking for antiques. Have some ideas but also ask her, and make sure she understands why it is important to you! Good luck.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Pretty much everything my husband does bores me to tears. I really only make appearances at his events when it's one of those things where it's assumed spouses etc. will attend. Or when he finally bugs me enough that no one really believes he's married. He does all sorts of car things and hunting bird things and beer and cigar things....basically anything that creates dirt and stink, lol. I used to go shoot with him when he'd still shoot pistol, but now he really only likes long guns and I don't know anything about those, so it ends up being a "guy thing".

I would guess that your best bets are to either try to get her into golf--maybe start with the driving range and then go out for dinner or drinks instead of jumping right into a half day of something. That way even if she's not thrilled with or about the first part, at least there's something fun about the date.

Otherwise, you could just do something like make a "hobby" out of picking classes out of those continuing education or community center flyers that come out--you know the ones that have the 4 weeks of Chinese cooking or whatever. You could take turns picking maybe. Then it's not another hobby, per se that requires the same kind of time and investment that your other ones do, and if one or both of you hates it, well--it's a few evenings or afternoons out of your life and you won't take that one again... I always thought that sounded like fun, anyway.


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## txhunter54 (Jul 4, 2010)

I've had a discussion with her about us not having activities that we can do together and that was a problem. It just never went anywhere. 

A typical question from her is "What are your plans for this weekend?". Not, what would you like to do together?


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

txhunter54 said:


> My wife has shown no interest in any of my hobbies including working out, hunting, fishing, archery, shooting sports, golf, walking the dogs. She has one hobby -quilting.
> 
> Do I try to find another hobby my wife might be interested in? How do I get her interested in any of my existing hobbies without finding a new one? I'm not expecting her to take up all of my hobbies.
> 
> ...


No most of what he likes to do bores me. I won't go hunting with him, but I do like going to the camp riding ATVs. Fresh water fishing boring, deep sea fishing heck yes.

You have to find something you both can enjoy doing: movie, comedy club, zoo, museum.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I'm a guy, so maybe it doesn't count, but my wife struggles to find interests and hobbies. Some guys find it a challenge to their manhood, but ballroom dancing was a great activity for us. You see the lessons everywhere.

Keep in mind, though, that some instructors seem to go out of their way to make sure you rarely dance with your own wife. They say that you learn better this way, but I think its meant to charge the atmosphere, since the women got to be the ones to fill their own dance cards. This was pretty stressfull for my wife - asking other guys to be her dance partners.

There was this lady in my class, mid fifities with lots of tats, who would always say, "Go ahead, grab my a$$, I know its what you're thinking of." Trust me, I wasn't. She scared me.

Of course, I also took lessons so I could take my daughter to a father-daughter dance.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

txhunter54 said:


> My wife has shown no interest in any of my hobbies including working out, hunting, fishing, archery, shooting sports, golf, walking the dogs. She has one hobby -quilting.
> 
> Do I try to find another hobby my wife might be interested in? How do I get her interested in any of my existing hobbies without finding a new one? I'm not expecting her to take up all of my hobbies.
> 
> BTW, I'm not taking up quilting!!!!!


<---- Read that again. And ask yourself why you won't take up quilting. Maybe you don't LIKE quilting... Maybe she doesn't LIKE your hobbies.



> Do any of you participate in your husband's hobbies?


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

txhunter54 said:


> I've had a discussion with her about us not having activities that we can do together and that was a problem. It just never went anywhere.
> 
> A typical question from her is "What are your plans for this weekend?". Not, what would you like to do together?


I would guess (mostly from my own experience) that she asks that because she's pretty used to you doing your hobby stuff on the weekends. Looking at what you're into, they pretty much all involve going somewhere else for long periods of time to do them. 

I know that one thing that has been a big part of my husband and I growing apart has been his feeling that us spending time together pretty much means me following him around doing what he likes. He's not really into anything that I like, and so if he has the chance to do one of his things instead, then he's off like a shot. We're at a point now where I can't even conceive of the idea of suggesting doing something together if it might somehow, in some way infringe on one of his activities. So if I think of something that we might be able to do together, I always start with asking about his plans before I go into my suggestion--saves being shot down again before I've even begun, you know?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

my wife is a better bowler than I am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## txhunter54 (Jul 4, 2010)

I was hoping she might get interested in archery or shooting sports. She used to compete in rifle shooting as a kid. But, has shown no interest since then. 

I can see where she may not be interested in hunting or fishing because the time commitment is usually longer.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Did she hunt, fish, golf or shoot with you before you were married? 

I have to tell you though, as a Texas girl who's no slouch with a pistol, doesn't leave the tv on Saturday's between Labor Day and the Rose Bowl, and has taught more kids than I can count how to fish... unless that's something she's into, it's not the 'time commitment' that's unappealing! Can you say field dressing? Lol.

What were the things that attracted you to your wife while you were dating? Was she outdoorsy then? Or was she more of a girly girl?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

Maybe I'm just a complete softie, but I would NEVER want to go hunting or fishing--I love animals! I would not want to shoot/harm/kill wildlife. My dad took me fishing once and I let all the worms go because I didn't want to spear them with the hook haha. Could your wife be similar? Maybe not exactly like me, but maybe she doesn't really like the idea of getting covered in the blood of the hunt.

Those activities are pretty extreme--maybe you could suggest tamer versions of them, like hiking, camping, playing darts? She seems to like sedentary activities, while you like more active ones. Perhaps you could try something to merge the two, like gardening or landscape design? It's not very physically intense, but it is outside and it will get you out of the house. 

Or on the other hand, you could try some "higher class" things like going to the symphony, wine tasting, or other hoity toity stuff, as it would be relatively new to both of you and more exciting. 

My personal experience with getting involved in my SO's hobbies is pretty positive. He's very athletic, so sometimes I'll go run around with him, but only when he's ready for a light day. Otherwise I'd be interfering too much and preventing him from going all out. Similarly, I love creative stuff and he'll play along, but he doesn't really "get it" and he doesn't pretend to. It works out because we each get to teach each other a little bit about our interests without becoming totally immersed.


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## married&lovingit (Jan 26, 2011)

Marriage Builders provides a Recreational Enjoyment Inventory which is designed to help you discover mutually enjoyable activities

You can print out their form at the bottom of this page
Recreational Enjoyment Inventory

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Marriage Builders, but have found Dr. Harleys approach/concepts to be beneficial to re-strengthening my marriage.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Start by improving your communication. Talk more. Get to know who she is NOW. Find out what lights up her eyes when she talks, what she likes, what makes her excited. And then find something to do with THAT, and start there. Once you get involved in ONE thing that makes HER happy, she'll be more likely to be interested in other things.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think that I would not want to take my wife hunting or fishing to me thats my guy /alone time. maybe you need some friends to do thoese activities with and find some other activities to do with your wife. maybe flea market or antique hunting and grabbing breakfast every sunday. bike riding or something along thoes lines.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I absolutely HATE fishing - HATE IT - HATE IT - HATE IT.

But my husband LOVES fishing and doesn't have a partner. So when he asks me to go fishing - I go - because I love him.

You don't have to like your spouse's hobby - but it doesn't hurt to take an interest, to show that you care about what they care about.

Now guys do like "their time" alone with themselves or their buddies. That's okay too - unless it takes all of their time away from their family. 

But, if they want you to participate - go ahead - you don't have to like it, you just have to love them more.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I absolutely HATE fishing - HATE IT - HATE IT - HATE IT.
> 
> But my husband LOVES fishing and doesn't have a partner. So when he asks me to go fishing - I go - because I love him.
> 
> ...


Lol--for some reason that reminds me of early on when my husband thought that four-wheeling would be a fun thing for the two of us to do together. I admit, I don't understand why someone would drive to a place they could hike to, but whatever. It was a great time....right up until we realized that every other time in my life I'd been wheeling, *I'd* been the driver! Turns out if I don't drive, it ends up being a technicolor event, if you know what I mean  

Since neither one of us was interested in me doing all the driving on these adventures, especially in his beloved Jeep--we decided that was not the activity for us. Every once in a while he suggests it again, gets about halfway through the thought and then stops short and just says, "oh yeah....never mind....I'll call one of the guys..."


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

Start by better improving your Communication with one another. I participate in most everything with my fiancee. Mostly we both are avid golfers i watch nascar and football with him and were season ticket holders to our local MLB team!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Read this book: Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S. It teaches you how to achieve both.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I think it's really important to spend time together and bond as a couple.

My fiance loves fishing, something I had never really done before. I am open to going fishing sometimes, and of course combining it with things we both like, like camping or going on a drive and for a picnic. Things have to be enticing to both of you. 

One of the things I like to do is going to the movies and while my fiance hadn't done that in years, he is happy to take me to the movies sometimes and we see something we would both like to watch.

It's about compromise really and making an effort.


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