# Importance of a woman's gut?



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I'm asking this of the women (although it probably applies to men but as we are wired differently maybe not). For those of you who have been through infidelity, how reliable was your gut feeling that something was off with your spouse and he was being unfaithful.
I have been through this a while back (but no hard proof) but now don't have that 'gut feeling' anymore but just wonder was it me or was there something going on (that I would like to know about even though things are getting slightly better).


----------



## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Just bumping your thread up.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I always remind myself that the amount of information that I need to make a decision does not have to be the same amount as to convict a criminal.

It can't be anyway. An individual does not have the power as a governement does to subpoena what's necessary and available to make a decision. 

If you have people around you calling you crazy because you don't have "enough proof" to make decision to your benefit, then maybe you should find new friends........ or at least, don't take your problems to them.

There are few ways to look for red flags:

1. *Look at what is being NOT said, as well as what is being said. *I was certain that when dating, my (future) husband was preparing me for the possibility that he might travel with his just a friend ex. He told me that he was taking a trip to a music festival with a friend. no more explanantion than that. It turned out that he was planning a trip with a male friend from university. But I also found an e-mail in which he told her all the details about the trip so that if she had wanted to join she could have. They both liked heavy metal music festivals; she was single no kids, an American in Europe and wanting to travel around, so it's not a leap that she could just offer to meet him there. And then ofc ourse, as poeple, he could say, I didn't invite her, she just showed up and so on........

2. *Figure out the chances that what they are saying is even possible. * And if it's less than 10 percent, assume that they are lying until you see proof enough.

For example, I was dating a guy long distance, overseas in fact. He said that he move city.country, continent for me. Hmmkay. So as an IT speciliat he quickly got a job offer but it was about a 50% pay cut over what he had. Hold on a minute, I thought. If he's coming over to be with me forever, then he should take his time getting his move right. Not accept the first that he gets on offer for.

Oh dear, I got that manly thing, I'm not being controlled, I'm not going to let a woman tell me how to live and so on....... Okay, I can't control you but you are also not only unwelcomed to live with me, as he had asked, but because I am fearful that you will blame your stunted earning power on me some day, I am not even to play ball anymore.

So he told me finally that he got a second interview offer with a firm whose reputation was that they paid better. Could he stay with me while interviewing. Okay, may he's trying.......

So we try to have a nice weekend. He goes back to the US Monday morning. Anf guess what, Monday evening he calls me. and tells me that (apparently between the time he got to the airport 8am Amsterdam time and arrived on the east coast 3pm EDT) and then called me at 7pm east coast time, he had the opportunity to talk to a recruiter.

Now mind you, in this job search, he told me that he had been in touch with only one recruiter -- the one who would be getting his commision if my suitor would just act right and finally accept that sub standard job.

So what recruiter could he have been speaking to in the short window of time who would have told him that there was no way that he could improve his income prospect by holding out a little bit longer and trying to get more high profile assignments at work in the meantime. (meaning that a recuriter would have had to work a bit harder before he got any commission.....)

Funny, how if we had had this conversation later in the week, when his opportunity to get in touch with a recruiter, and more than one even, would have been more believable. I might actually have given what he said more consideration.


I think there are some other methods to tease the truth out in situations. 

One thing I do stand by now is that if people want you to trust them, they will produce the information that you need to feel secure. So don't be afraid to ask for it.


----------



## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

When my hubs was knee deep into his affair, I knew something wasnt right, but had no idea. I thought maybe something was up about the job... Pfffffffft!

My gut was telling me something. Now, I dont trust my gut at all, bc I dont know what is real or not. When hubs disappears for awhile, all the gut feelings comes flooding back... but cant trust ... 

~sammy


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The feeling that something is not right is almost always right.... at least for women.

I've read that when it comes to infidelity, women's intuition is right about 90% of the time. Men's intuition is right only about 50% of the time. Women are more intuitive.


----------



## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

I've been right on the money each time. I don't always know what guides me, but something in me tells me to look deeper and each time it has happened, my suspicions were [unfortunately] confirmed.


----------



## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

hmmmm reading these types of things is interesting. My gut had been telling me he must be cheating. But nothing would come to light. Then other factors seemed to be able to explain his strange behavior. And yet as I sit here, I'm still not entirely convinced that he's never strayed. I wonder if my intuition is right.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Adeline said:


> hmmmm reading these types of things is interesting. My gut had been telling me he must be cheating. But nothing would come to light. Then other factors seemed to be able to explain his strange behavior. And yet as I sit here, I'm still not entirely convinced that he's never strayed. I wonder if my intuition is right.


Has this been over a long period of time? Or is it something new?

What have you done to try to find out if he is cheating?


----------



## meson (May 19, 2011)

My wife's gut knew before i did. It was accurate and spot on.


----------



## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Has this been over a long period of time? Or is it something new?
> 
> What have you done to try to find out if he is cheating?


off and on for a long period of time. I've gotten to look at his phone many times and nothing seems amiss. Was able to figure out the numbers he contacted most on the phone bill checked out ok. Can see his emails. He's struggled with some mental issues, so I've always gone back and forth as to whether or not the strange behavior is due to that or possible infidelity. So the gut feeling waxes and wanes.


----------



## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

My woman's intuition was screaming at me to pay attention but I wasn't paying attention. I even saw them flirting with each other when they didn't know that I had walked in the room. Was so shocked that I confronted him and he got so upset that I could possibly suspect that he would do something with my brother's wife. I felt so guilty that I freaking apologize and one month later my brother showed me proof of their infidelity.


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

maritalloneliness said:


> My woman's intuition was screaming at me to pay attention but I wasn't paying attention. I even saw them flirting with each other when they didn't know that I had walked in the room. Was so shocked that I confronted him and he got so upset that I could possibly suspect that he would do something with my brother's wife. I felt so guilty that I freaking apologize and one month later my brother showed me proof of their infidelity.


Can you post your story and expand on the circumstances? I believe that your story would be helpful for many readers.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I always trust my gut in all situations. If my gut is telling me something is wrong I listen to it. 

When I first heard my husband speak about the OW when he first met her years before the affair. My gut was that he liked her a bit too much, I wasn't too concerned. She was young and had a gorgeous live in BF. Well, 5 years later my gut was telling me something was up. Distance in my marriage, lots of Red Flags and it didn't take much time to put it all together. 

My gut also told me it would never sit right with me if I tried to R...so I listened.


----------



## WhereAreTheGoodTimes (Sep 19, 2014)

I'm male but I think I knew it within days of the start of her affair. 

Looking back I should have said something right away and it might have ended as a EA instead of a PA. I became more and more suspicious as time went on but I think I was in denial. I knew her phone habits had changed but I refused to snoop. But then I did...


----------



## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

I knew something was going on with my H. He convinced me he was dealing with unresolved issues with his dying Dad & needed time to himself. So I backed off, But I knew it was more than that. They flirted rite in front of me. We argued about it several times. He would say you're crazy, She's married, But my gut feeling just wouldn't go away. I have never snooped before, But I thought I'll just check his phone to put my mind at ease & there it was.. I should've listened to my gut sooner. Instead of listening to my H


----------



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I had a gut feeling that things weren't quite right, but figured he was hiding something else from me, not cheating, but there was bad news he was trying to bring himself to tell me or something. Looking back, there was so many red flags I'm almost embarrassed I didn't get a stronger gut feeling about his cheating, but when you trust and love someone, your mind doesn't immediately go to them cheating when things seem off between the two of you.


----------



## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

My wife is a strong believer in a woman's intuition or gut. About ten years ago she suspected me of cheating. Her gut was so strong that she pursued evidence like Sherlock Holmes. 

She came up with several pieces of damning evidence. A subscription to a porn magazine (not sure how it equated to cheating). Lunch for two receipt with one item a chicken Caesar salad. (She knew it must be a woman because I would never waste a meal out on a salad). A repeipt for a cooler (must have taken her to the beach). And finally a product called "Smack my a$$ and call me Sally" (bondage massage??)

Turns out all the items were real just not what they seemed. The magazine was an FHM/Maxim type "men's" magazine. Not exactly tasteful but not what most would consider porn. It did get delivered but turns out she mistakenly ordered it with some other credit card freebies. 

Lunch did happen but with a male client. Shrug... He and I were not up to any mischief. 

I bought the cooler protect protect some sensitive electronics while transporting them. No bikini clad hottie to share my wine coolers. 

And Sally who's ass needed smacking? A hot sauce at a local taco place. Who knew you could get a bondage session for like $5. 

While I had plenty of opportunity to cheat in my work travels I never have. Never wanted to. Suspicion was aroused because of how much I was on the road and some distance between us created by life. And three children under 5 that were at home with her

Moral of the story is trust your gut to a point. If it's strong, get evidence. If you get evidence make sure it makes sense. If you're wrong, apologize profusely. 

~ Passio


----------



## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

I questioned my gut feelings but it turned out to be exactly right on the money, I'll never dismiss it again as long as I live.


----------



## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I have always trusted my gut feelings and they have always been right, example: my current husband was talking very unapropriate to men and I had asked him if he was gay or bi and he told me no, but now a few months later my gut feeling got stronger so I did some more snooping and found more evidence. Just this Monday I have found him messaging a guy about this shemale porn star he thinks is very hot and the best of both worlds. I came home yesterday and seen if had watched 6 of shemale videos while I was at work, did laundry this morning while he is at work and found a towel with cum all over it. I have been planning to move for a few months trying to get everything in order. I have not slept with him in about a 6 months to scared of catching something. This morning I see where he sent a guy a pic of himself on the toilet telling him to check out his bush. Yes he is gay or bi he can't expect me to believe anything different. I have been reading up on the 10 and will be putting that into motion today. And I have prayed for guidance in getting what i need to move on with my life. I will be laying it all out on the table to him when I get closer to moving out. I have to do this carefully as to not end up on the streets as I have no family close and no friends I really want to stay with I just need to be myself to work on me. hopefully in a couple of weeks if all goes as planned I can move out and get a divorce. So yes I always trust my gut feeling have since I was young.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Lostme said:


> I have always trusted my gut feelings and they have always been right, example: my current husband was talking very unapropriate to men and I had asked him if he was gay or bi and he told me no, but now a few months later my gut feeling got stronger so I did some more snooping and found more evidence. Just this Monday I have found him messaging a guy about this shemale porn star he thinks is very hot and the best of both worlds. I came home yesterday and seen if had watched 6 of shemale videos while I was at work, did laundry this morning while he is at work and found a towel with cum all over it. I have been planning to move for a few months trying to get everything in order. I have not slept with him in about a 6 months to scared of catching something. This morning I see where he sent a guy a pic of himself on the toilet telling him to check out his bush. Yes he is gay or bi he can't expect me to believe anything different. I have been reading up on the 10 and will be putting that into motion today. And I have prayed for guidance in getting what i need to move on with my life. I will be laying it all out on the table to him when I get closer to moving out. I have to do this carefully as to not end up on the streets as I have no family close and no friends I really want to stay with I just need to be myself to work on me. hopefully in a couple of weeks if all goes as planned I can move out and get a divorce. So yes I always trust my gut feeling have since I was young.


Lostme, sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. You seem to be pretty strong and focused on what you have to do. You should start another thread if you need support from the people on here. I hope that you are able to figure things out and move into a life filled with all you desire.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Women's intuition, men's and women's gut feelings - I believe this is little more than a person noticing little changes in the behavior of their partner/spouse.

You've lived with them for months or years. You know all their little quirks and habits. You know just about all their behaviors, so you know when that person is mad, angry, sad, or when something is bothering them.

So when they deviate from their established behavior, even a little bit, you're going to notice. Maybe not much, but you notice that something is out of the ordinary. 

So unless they are extremely good at compartmentalizing, or an experienced cheater who knows how to keep their behavior the same, you will notice subtle changes. Even when the changes in behavior are major deviations from their establish pattern, you're going to wonder what's going on. 

I'd say in a lot of cases, when a person is in an affair, the euphoria that person is in, is going to come out in their behavior, and there will be changes that the BS can notice. But it also depends if the BS is watching. Many don't notice any changes because they never really observe their spouse/partner in the first place.

When my fWW was in her affair, her behavior changed dramatically, red flags practically waving in my face, yet I struggled to comprehend out what was going on. My gut was screaming at me that something was happening, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it because the very last thing in the world that I could imagine was her cheating on me.


----------

