# Cheater's guilt



## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

The difference between guilt and remorse

My husband texted me how guiltY he feels. I just think guilt is a cop out to avoid facing the truth and being accountable. I sent him the above link. I rather doubt he will read it. Just wanted to post this separately from my thread, to remind everyone what guilt really is.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Chopsy said:


> The difference between guilt and remorse
> 
> My husband texted me how guiltY he feels. I just think guilt is a cop out to avoid facing the truth and being accountable. I sent him the above link. I rather doubt he will read it. Just wanted to post this separately from my thread, to remind everyone what guilt really is.


This reminds me of when I caught my wife sexting one of her co-workers about a year ago... She tried to hide it, then she tried to lie about it, then she tried to blame me for doing it. In the end, her apology consisted of, "I'm sorry I got caught."

That, right there, is exactly what your article is talking about.


Pb.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dadda11o (Jan 6, 2011)

Glad to hear you've got the difference down. A lot more pain possible if you don't. The things about ex: blaming me for his actions and blaming me for his not keeping promises. Even more fun: he wasn't even sorry he got caught, he was just angry that I "screwed up his plans". Not a super loss, in the long run.

And I've managed to work on my own areas, as an initial result of his guilt trips, but finally finding how much more pleasant life is when it's genuine and lived with others who are able to be!


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> This reminds me of when I caught my wife sexting one of her co-workers about a year ago... She tried to hide it, then she tried to lie about it, then she tried to blame me for doing it. In the end, her apology consisted of, "I'm sorry I got caught."
> 
> That, right there, is exactly what your article is talking about.
> 
> ...


Reminds me as well of the only time my ex showed remorse, when he said he was sorry I found out the way I did! Otherwise, nothing, no apology, no remorse!


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

dadda11o said:


> And I've managed to work on my own areas, as an initial result of his guilt trips, but finally finding how much more pleasant life is when it's genuine and lived with others who are able to be!


That is what I'm looking for!! Genuine and honest relationships with people who I respect and who respect me! Luckily his family fall in this camp and are totally on my side.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

I've never gotten anything. Oh, she says it was "50/50" as far as fault, but her part in this was "I should have told you when you were upsetting me but I didn't". This after an EA in person visit 2 years ago by her, continued contact via Facebook, then another in person visit last month. 

I don't know that she'll ever have any remorse, to her I'm a POS husband who was cruel all the time. I guess there must be some perfect guy out there who agrees with everything she says or does, never has a bad day, and makes 6 figures. 

Best of luck to her in finding him.


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