# When does infidelity begin?



## Roderic (Apr 18, 2010)

My wife left me in a big hurry four months ago. For almost two years, she has been playing an online game and she has all sorts of other medical and personal problems. When she left, she travelled 7000 miles, on three flights, on her own and in a wheelchair and she now stays, so I believe, with the mother of a man she met playing this game on the internet. He encouraged her to leave, although she claims that there is nothing between them only friendship and she says she is not coming back to me. My question is, at what point, in law, does infidelity begin and what are the arguments for & against?

Certainly there were personal and private issues discussed by my wife and her new ‘friend’, without my knowledge long before she ran away, and there was a strong enough bond to persuade her that such an horrendous journey was worthwhile. I believe that she may soon propose that we divorce and I am inclined to think that, even if she has not slept with this guy, her infidelity started many months ago. What is my legal position on this?


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Lots and lots and lots of emotional affairs originate via the internet. I would say infidelity begins when intimate conversation began. It didn't have to be of sexual nature, but the exchange of emotional feelings and thoughts/words of leaving her husband are all intimate. How could you prove that though unless you have the emails/exchanges? And I don't know how it could legally benefit you anyway. If you want a divorce, you don't get one granted or more so in your favor because she was unfaithful. Divorces are simply granted because one partner files for one. You could simply say the reason is irreconcilable differences. Saying the reason is infidelity won't profit anything, unless maybe you have a pre-nup and are wondering if she breached it.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

From a legal standpoint, talk to a lawyer. They'll know all the local and state laws that will apply to you. Every state has different laws and even some counties has their own little laws to deal with.

Anyone who gives you advice on any legal matters on your post or on the forums should be taken as only opinion but in the end always seek legal counsel.


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## Roderic (Apr 18, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> From a legal standpoint, talk to a lawyer. They'll know all the local and state laws that will apply to you. Every state has different laws and even some counties has their own little laws to deal with.
> 
> Anyone who gives you advice on any legal matters on your post or on the forums should be taken as only opinion but in the end always seek legal counsel.


I think I agree that the infidelity started with the first intimate exchanges over the internet and maybe my wife will claim irreconcilable differences. The point is that I don't accept that excuse as she/we never tried long enough to deal with the issues that drove her away. I believe that our differences were very minor and that she is suffering some form of crisis exacerbated by her health issues. 

In addition, we never had much money, and her 'defection' has wiped us out. She may be able to borrow enough from her parents to pay for a lawyer, but I have nothing.


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## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

Many family courts provide a "lawyer for the day." The lawyer volunteers their time to help out on simple cases. Yours fits that mold. You don't need an appointment. You can just show up. 
Also, if you are near a law school, many have student lawyers supervised by very experienced attorneys that will take you from soup to nuts. Give them a call at the law schools and find out.


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## Roderic (Apr 18, 2010)

iamnottheonlyone said:


> Many family courts provide a "lawyer for the day." The lawyer volunteers their time to help out on simple cases. Yours fits that mold. You don't need an appointment. You can just show up.
> Also, if you are near a law school, many have student lawyers supervised by very experienced attorneys that will take you from soup to nuts. Give them a call at the law schools and find out.


I'm afraid that I am in Greece and my wife is in South Africa. The options you mention are not available to me.


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