# A lifetime.....



## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

Question: If at age 20 you were told with 100% certainty you would live to 100 years old with at least moderate health during those 80 years:
1) Would you still get married? 
2) Would you plan to have more than one marriage? 
3) Would wait until a certain age to get married? 
4) What about kids? 
5) Do you believe you and your current spouse could last the whole 80 years? 

Last part: if you answered 'no' to #1 and/or #5 or yes to #2 or in general do you feel the longer we live, the less likely we are to remain hitched to one person?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

McDean said:


> 1) Would you still get married? *Yes*
> 2) Would you plan to have more than one marriage? *No*
> 3) Would wait until a certain age to get married? *Yes, would wait until around age 30*
> 4) What about kids? *Yes, would definitely still have kids!*
> 5) Do you believe you and your current spouse could last the whole 80 years? *Yes!* (I'm not married anymore, but I believe if I was married to my current long-term SO we would definitely make it the entire 80 years.


70-80 years is a loooooong time though!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

McDean said:


> Question: If at age 20 you were told with 100% certainty you would live to 100 years old with at least moderate health during those 80 years:
> 1) Would you still get married?


Yes.



McDean said:


> 2) Would you plan to have more than one marriage?


No.



McDean said:


> 3) Would wait until a certain age to get married?


Yes... I'd wait until I was the age at which I found the woman that I wanted to marry.



McDean said:


> 4) What about kids?


Yes.



McDean said:


> 5) Do you believe you and your current spouse could last the whole 80 years?


Yes. I wouldn't have married her otherwise.



McDean said:


> Last part: if you answered 'no' to #1 and/or #5 or yes to #2 or in general *do you feel the longer we live, the less likely we are to remain hitched to one person?*


That's probably true from a purely statistical perspective.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I married one week after turning 21, so for me these questions are not hypothetical. I figured, given my family history, that I had a fair chance of living well into my 90's, if not actually to 100. I got married knowing that, never planned to have more than one marriage, felt no need to wait until a certain age to marry, wanted children and had one within a couple years of marriage, and believed my spouse and I could actually make it until death did us part. I wouldn't have gotten married if I didn't think I was ready and that we could make it. 

Looking back with the advantage of knowing all the things I would come to discover about my spouse over the course of our 16 year marriage, I cannot say whether or not I would do it again. If my son were not in the picture, then I would not marry my ex-husband again - knowing what I do now. However, if I hadn't married him I wouldn't have my son, and that's something I could never wish undone.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

McDean said:


> .....or in general do you feel the longer we live, the less likely we are to remain hitched to one person?


There's too many variables with this question. Mindset, values, the marriage itself, and even society/culture can play a part. What I do feel though, from my own life observations, is that 'how' ever one is and the way one chooses to approach life, seems to become amplified into old age. 

If I were to consider a long life that's been well lived, the anchor is resilience and/or compassion (including self-compassion). From that grounded perspective, love and self-fulfillment emerges. Sprinkle some fun laughter passions travel and family / friendship in there and that sounds like a pretty good state of being with a life well lived. 

To play along with the questions though, I'd follow the path I'm on without rigid expectations. Why do you ask and what are your thoughts?


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

heartsbeating said:


> There's too many variables with this question. Mindset, values, the marriage itself, and even society/culture can play a part. What I do feel though, from my own life observations, is that 'how' ever one is and the way one chooses to approach life, seems to become amplified into old age.
> 
> If I were to consider a long life that's been well lived, the anchor is resilience and/or compassion (including self-compassion). From that grounded perspective, love and self-fulfillment emerges. Sprinkle some fun laughter passions travel and family / friendship in there and that sounds like a pretty good state of being with a life well lived.
> 
> To play along with the questions though, I'd follow the path I'm on without rigid expectations. Why do you ask and what are your thoughts?


Curious mainly...but, it seems the more I read on here and other sites as well in books and mags the more stories I come across from men or women who claim (especially in their 40s) they changed and their current spouse just doesn't do it for them anymore. Yet, another interesting part to their stories- those who reflect back- is that their current OM or OW or new spouse is in many ways the same as the previous spouse with a few exceptions. So then, is it simply that because you change as you age and we live so much longer that you just think you need or deserve someone new? Ironically, in some cases the spouse who cheats or moves on actually settles for less but of course not in all cases....

I am 43 and my wife is 35 and she is in an MLC with Fibro and acts like the road ahead is short, yet I am older and feel really good about my life, only one thing I think I have missed out on and still believe the best is yet to come(possibly not with my wife unfortunately due to her current views). And, I would add that I also notice a lot of people telling their stories as if they don't have any appreciation for what they have, they are solely focused on what they don't have.....


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I would always choose to be with my husband under any conceivable circumstance. I am lucky to have him.


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