# Who is she talking to?



## firetruckred (Apr 25, 2010)

My wife and I have been separated for 2 months now. We have had very little communication the last month, really only email which has been very cold and distant from her. My question for the group is what kind of communication should I be concerned about when it comes to her and other men during this time? She is totally free to do as she wishes and doesn't need to say anything to me so I'm not trying to suggest she needs to. But we do have a shared cell phone plan as our only phones and it is in my name thus I see the bill and thus see who she is calling. A bit over a month ago and about 3 weeks after we were separated a number started showing up that struck me as odd so I looked it up and found it is a guy she is facebook friends with and that I can't for the life of me trace how they know each other, no professional, geographic connections etc. But about once or twice a week they talk for a few hours, not just a quick hello but some times 3-4 hour talks, and she is not normally one to talk on the phone and certainly not way in to the night as they are doing. I don't see any phone calls with them other than the last few weeks. When dealing with separation we meet new people, develop support groups etc, but she already knows this guy but I've never heard of him and now they are talking for hours and live states away. I guess I don't know what to think of it. A hidden EO from her that was only email and never any calls? Or truly just a willing listener for hours on end.

None of you will know for sure but maybe you have experienced something similar or have incite/perspective?


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Drop her cell phone off your account, if she wants to do that talking let her do it on her own dime. The more you learn the more you will go nuts....believe me I have been there.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

I know it will be hard but like sirch said, you really should take her off your plan. My ex was on my plan until recently and while it hurt that he got his own phone in a way I felt relieved. Just like with Facebook...my ex was my friend and then deleted me. I was crushed at first but in a way it set me free. The less you know the better! You will drive yourself crazy with the what ifs.


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## firetruckred (Apr 25, 2010)

I hear you, I used to go on and check every day for new calls and such, now I haven't done it for weeks as it was driving me crazy, that is until today and only because I went on to pay the bill.

Facebook is a whole other set if issues! I'm still "married" on facebook and we're still friends, and I want it that way, but I have anxiety every day that she'll unmarry us on there and defriend me. Sad but it's those little things that are very public that really hurt.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

You'll know on facebook when she doesn't put anything in the 'relationship' status and follows it up in the 'interests' status as 'exploring new things'..but right now I'd say she is seriously considering ending it all..I mean she's already left you and it has been 2 mos...if you guys didn't make set rules on the separation it is time to MAKE YOUR OWN RULES!!!...she's not worried what you do which means she has someone or is seriously considering it..sorry man..it's a long journey and all you can do is prepare YOURSELF and work on YOURSELF..stop any contact (out of sight out of mind)..here's how it goes...you're not going to change her feelings so put that thought away...give her this time away..if she loves you she'll come back to you but here's the hard part..you can't wait for that because she might never come back..time to prepare for LIVING WITHOUT MY SPOUSE!!!


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

firetruckred-Trust me, it crushed me when I logged in to Facebook and saw where my H had defriended me. I know this will be hard but maybe you should delete her before it's done to you. I wish I would have defriended him before he did me because let me tell you, that was horrible! I felt so humiliated in a way because we shared quite a few friends together on FB.
Just like it was told to me, if they wanted to come back they would. I know, I would log on here and ask for advice just wishing someone would give me an ounce of hope that something he said or did meant he wanted me. In reality, you really just have to start living like they won't come back. You are going to drive yourself insane, believe me I did. Some days I'm fine, others I just really look back and don't know how I made it. 
I wish I could tell you that she will be coming back but for now you just have to start finding a way to accept how life is and start taking baby steps forward.


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