# She wants space and time to herself, but is in constant communication with OM.



## Dare to Change (Nov 8, 2012)

Well, this is lengthy – 12 years of marriage, my sanity, and the lifestyle of 3 daughters in the balance. Please take a moment to read this. I’m up for any advice. I started out being sappy, needy, and pathetic with my pleading to my wife. I’ve implemented the 180, which seems to be going OK. So, here it is – soak it up.

•	My wife and I are in our 30s
•	Separated (not legally) and moved to an apartment
•	Married 12 years
•	3 daughters
•	Wife and daughters live in our house
•	We have successful careers that consume a lot of time
•	I am somewhat controlling, stubborn, and tidy. Basically, I like things my way
•	She is somewhat stubborn, outgoing, dangerously flirty with men, and very untidy
•	For the past 3 years, I’ve allowed myself to drift away from my main responsibility and priorities: My wife and daughters
•	For many years, my wife has gotten involved in a ton of fundraisers and community, volunteer activities 


Right now, we’ve been separated for 3 weeks. I’ve been in my apartment for less than one week. We’ve discussed our issues in depth, and she said she is unhappy, needs space, needs to find herself, and does not know if she want to continue our marriage. Sound familiar? She said she has felt for years that she has changed into a different person; she feels she is always stressed out and has worked too hard to make me happy, which has caused to her be a “different person.” We married in our early 20’s while she was in her last semester of college.

She is constantly busy. She spends most of her free time volunteering in community activities and fundraisers, surfing Facebook, or going out with friends. I spend too much time at work. Some of our biggest arguments have been over her dangerous flirtation with men. This is my point of view on that issue: She is an incredibly outgoing, smiley person – she poops rainbows and sees bubbles everywhere. She is in constant, planned contact with other men, regularly has lunch dates with other men (friends, co-workers) and spends hours a day texting other male “friends.” 

Over the years, I’ve had to confront her about the issue because I found that the other men would make comments to her that made me feel they were trying to “creep” over to her. Basically, she flirts enough that men in the past have likely felt they could have sex with her. Those feelings were validated after I confronted one of the men. She says this is not the case, that she is simply flirty with everyone, and that I should trust she would never let herself do anything with another man. She doesn’t think this should be an issue and to me feels like a lack of respect and loyalty to our marriage. 

Overall, she says we owe it to ourselves to see if “we” can be happy elsewhere, that we should spend time apart and date others. Here is the disturbing part: She does know if she is willing to go to couples counseling, does not know if she is willing to make some changes in the way she does things (flirt heavily with men – constant contact with other men), and does not want to stop the non-stop activities in which she’s involved.

I told her I am willing to make changes in the way I’ve done things and would like us to go to counseling so a neutral party could offer some suggestions. I checked on things. I know she’s been in constant contact with two men – even before I was out the door. One is a co-worker; the other is someone she has been friends with for years. When I say constant contact, I mean hundreds of texts each day – from early morning to late at night. More than likely an EA that could lead to a PA. She says this separation is tough on her, yet she has not confided heavily on close friends or family. 

I haven’t confronted her on this issue yet. I’m waiting patiently because I am extremely angry right now and don’t want to do or say something I’ll later regret. I’m biding my time for the right moment. I am in individual counseling with two different counselors and have set up a meeting with an attorney so that I can be prepared. 

We have separated our finances. We are debt-free other than her student loans she is paying. We have done a great job with the children and ensuring they are getting as much attention from us as possible.

LONG STORY short, I tired of the bull****. She says she needs time to herself, yet all of her time has been going to other men. I won’t be the guy that sits around waiting for her to make up her mind by “finding herself” while she is having an EA or possibly PA with someone else. Perhaps it is possible that she just needs some attention right now and is doing a lot of talking with these men for that much desired attention. It’s possible she is already emotionally attached to them. I don’t know. 

She told me she wants to date other men (“casual dates”) in order to give herself some clarity on how she feels about our relationship and that she will go “where her path leads” her. I feel that if she does date OM before trying to work on her/our issues, it will become extremely difficult, if not impossible, to reconcile. 

I’ve done a pretty good job staying busy – working out, spending time with the kiddos, friends, and other activities. I don’t have the desire to date others. I know what I want – to mend the relationship with my wife. But, right now I have no control over what she does and she doesn’t want me to “check up” on her because she said she has defined herself as a single person leading a life of her own. Sounds to me like she just wants her cake and to be able to eat it too. It’s taken a lot of patience in the past 3 weeks to not file for divorce. I’ll update you all as I can.

OK – LAST THING: She said the more I speak about us trying to put some parameters or expectations on our separation, the more it makes her feel I am trying to "control" everything. It puts too much pressure on her and she simply needs "space." I've seen those words on a lot of forums lately!

She wants to do what she wants, when she wants, and how she wants without any accountability. I can't force her to work with me on this issue, but she knows how I feel about her being "single" while still legally married. I won't take much for me be done with everything, as she knows I won't be plan C.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Sit back and relax ( if you're willing to forgive her "dates" ) . She'll be back within a year .

Do 180 and more . Improve your self , learn about the marriage more in depth . Get in shape .


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Don't let her have her cake and eat it too.

You are her plan B. Are you OK with that?

She is already sleeping with other men or is planning to do so soon.

Give her a choice. She drops the OM and enters MC with you.

If she says No? File for D and go dark except for the kids.

You will never nice her out of this.

Are you paying her to leave you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Sit back and relax ( if you're willing to forgive her "dates" ) . She'll be back within a year .
> 
> Do 180 and more . Improve your self , learn about the marriage more in depth . Get in shape .


Sure. He should keep giving her a place to wipe her feet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

spun said:


> Sure. He should keep giving her a place to wipe her feet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You say he is Plan B , I say " if he wants to forgive her " , any difference ?

He is her Plan B obviously , the question is does he wanna be that ?

Woman with 3 kids in her 30s , good luck to find a serious guy if you know what I mean. This is why I believe she'll be back if he wants to take her.


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## Dare to Change (Nov 8, 2012)

Right now, I cant’ prove what she’s doing. I simply know she has been in constant contact with OM through text messages – several hundred over a weekend. Don’t know the content, and she recently changed the settings her phone so that I cannot see a lot of her activity (iMessage). 

As of now, I have trust issues with her. She doesn’t seem to respect the fundamental issue of not flirting with other men to the point they believe a spark exists. She’s a flirty woman – always has been. I know nothing will change this part of her personality, but she has to realize the problems it causes. 

I’ve started the 180 and so far it is helping me get along. I’ve stopped checking in on her activities and plan to leave it be. Her career allows her to make her own schedule, so trying to figure things out will only drive me mad! The difficult part about this is not knowing. I don’t want to jump the gun too soon if what she is doing is simply trying to get attention from other men and will, with time, realize she wants to reconcile. But, I know to trust my intuition on things, and I feel all the signs point to her already having gotten involved with someone. You know, I’ve heard friends who have gone through their spouses EA/PA and they all tell me they never thought it could happen to them. I felt the same way, but now know how it can happen to anyone. 

I also have my girls to think about. If she’s not doing anything we can’t get past, and I jump the gun with the big D out of anger, then the livelihood of our girls will be forever changed. I don’t know. Right now, I’m angry and confused. She wants space and I’m giving it to her. We text a couple times a day, but it is centered on the kids – no personal talk. 

I know the 180 recommends waiting for the other person to approach me about relationship talk. My wife is stubborn. How long should I wait to see if she is willing to go through counseling? Also, she has mentioned the desire for us to go on casual dates LATER. I told her I would not do this if she was dating anyone – even if her dates with OM consisted of casual dates to dinner or a movie, etc.

I know my posts are a little long, but the best way for me to vent is to write or talk to close friends and family.

Any thoughts????


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi sorry you here I assume she was having an affair based upon you referring to a om ?
It sounds like she has checked out of the m to me that being the case then at this time I would 
Do like spun mentioned file and go dark she will find out soon enough that the grass is not greener 
It also sounds as if she has poor boundaries with males if she does at a later time come to her senses
I would say that based on her inability to have sufficient boundaries then her activities of texting and flirting would need to stop
Or its just a matter of time that you are back here in the same place. If she has had an affair have you exposed it to others like the oms.gr or wife or family members that can reach her? Continue working on yrself and exercising that's great it will help with stress
And yr self esteem let her know that in order to reconcile you would want no contact with other males from her and mc as well as ic 
With several kids I believe you mentioned 3 she will find the pickings slim except for the ones that just want to sport fck her

Take care of yr self spend time with yr kids work out develop new or old hobbies and remember you don't have to be anyone's plan b 

Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Dare to Change said:


> She says she needs time to herself


This is code for, "I want out of our relationship but I am trying to do this without looking like a bad Mom and also not directly hurt your feelings." For whatever reason, women are not as direct as men and try to minimize the pain up front.

What you need to realize is that she is done but would like to you take all the steps to end the marriage so she does not look bad. Can it be saved? Yes, but only if _BOTH_ of you commit to it.

I got the same line as you and almost moved out. She was done, refused counseling, and eventually left.



Dare to Change said:


> For the past 3 years, I’ve allowed myself to drift away from my main responsibility and priorities: My wife and daughters


It takes two to tango and I think you know that she is just as much to blame as you are. Don't assume all the burden on your shoulders and try to be the knight-in-shining-armor for your wife. She is just as much at fault.



Dare to Change said:


> Right now, we’ve been separated for 3 weeks. I’ve been in my apartment for less than one week.


Take some of this with a grain of salt, but you need to be thinking about what to do in case your marriage continues to go south. 

If you want to have custody of your children when you divorce, you just shot yourself in the foot. It is your home as well as your wife's. If you go to court, you have already set the status quo that it is okay your wife has primary custody since you are good with just up an leaving. I recommend returning and moving into a separate room.

She is 10 steps ahead of you in the process of ending your marriage. Right now she is using the "I need time & space to think" guise to blow smoke and get you to agee to things that look like you are "helping" her get back into the marriage, when in fact they are building her case for court. Don't miss the forest for all the little trees.

I may be a doom sayer, but take a look here and take some steps to protect yourself. It will take a little time but will be worth if you wife never checks back into your marriage.

THE LIST (Print It) - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

> I’ve started the 180 and so far it is helping me get along. I’ve stopped checking in on her activities and plan to leave it be. Her career allows her to make her own schedule, so trying to figure things out will only drive me mad! The difficult part about this is not knowing. I don’t want to jump the gun too soon if what she is doing is simply trying to get attention from other men and will, with time, realize she wants to reconcile. But, I know to trust my intuition on things, and I feel all the signs point to her already having gotten involved with someone. You know, I’ve heard friends who have gone through their spouses EA/PA and they all tell me they never thought it could happen to them. I felt the same way, but now know how it can happen to anyone.
> 
> I also have my girls to think about. If she’s not doing anything we can’t get past, and I jump the gun with the big D out of anger, then the livelihood of our girls will be forever changed. I don’t know. Right now, I’m angry and confused. She wants space and I’m giving it to her. We text a couple times a day, but it is centered on the kids – no personal talk.
> 
> I know the 180 recommends waiting for the other person to approach me about relationship talk. My wife is stubborn. How long should I wait to see if she is willing to go through counseling?


Do not show any ANGER no matter what !! It is hard but reading some books about self confidence will help you allot !!

Do NOT contact her or start the conversations about your marriage at any price !!! Again get some book !

I know it is hard but the right books can set you up in the right mood - to show happiness and calm. NO DRAMA !
It will kill her believe me !





> Also, she has mentioned the desire for us to go on casual dates LATER.


Means - lemme first see how is going with the OM, and if it isn't going well I MAY CONSIDER you as a potential date.

You're The Plan B !


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think you wife has it made, hell your not going anywere so why should she change?
What a lucking girl, has her house husband, baby sitter, and bill payer, provider. And she also gets a boytoy to have exciting times with with no strings attached, uses him when ever she wants and when she gets tired of OM she can take a break with out any consequence.

She isn't giving her daughters much of an example, but either are you....stop being a doormate and show your wife some real consequences. 

Hopefully she turns a corner and save her marriage.

What the hell are you waiting for? Do you think this is going away anytime soon? Your wife has it made!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

"I want time to myself and space"

MEANS

"I want to consort with posOM and explore this new relationship without you looking over my shoulder"


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Dare to Change said:


> Right now, I cant’ prove what she’s doing. I simply know she has been in constant contact with OM through text messages – several hundred over a weekend. Don’t know the content, and she recently changed the settings her phone so that I cannot see a lot of her activity (iMessage).
> 
> As of now, I have trust issues with her. She doesn’t seem to respect the fundamental issue of not flirting with other men to the point they believe a spark exists. She’s a flirty woman – always has been. I know nothing will change this part of her personality, but she has to realize the problems it causes.
> 
> ...


You are exactly where I was months ago and where many men on here have been.

As scary and hard as it is, your only chance is to stand up to her once and for all. The reason you are in this situation is because you never have.

She will continue to steam roll you as long as you allow her to get away with it.

Have a good look around this place and you will see what I am talking about.

Are you financing her "single life style"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dare to Change (Nov 8, 2012)

Thanks for your input everyone. We are debt free and have separate accounts. She pays the mortgage for our home and all utilities there, while I pay rent and utilities for my apartment. We split the costs of things for our girls (clothes, lunches, etc.) I don’t know for a fact that she is or has been seeing anyone. Looking at the sheer amount of texts, I can only deduce she is getting a lot of attention from another guy. Is she talking about her issues with relationship problems or something else – I don’t know. It’s easy for me to speculate. It’ll come out at some point if she is seeing someone else. I’m tired of thinking about it.

She agreed to move out, but I bit that bullet instead. Her career allows her to make her own schedule, so it is easy for her to take our youngest to school, pick her up afterward, and be home when the other two are done with school. My work schedule is set. That is the only reason I moved. I want the girls to stay in the house and keep as much familiarity as possible. 

I’ve taken steps to help myself: reading books, going out with friends, working out, individual counseling (2 therapists), talking with crazy folk such as yourself (just kidding - thank you all by the way). Someone suggested earlier that her intent is to do or say things that would prompt me to file for D – essentially making me the bad guy. I have thought about this too. I plan to give it a little time before making a decision on D. Now, if she is having an P/A, I’ll end things right away.

I feel she has checked out as well. Trust me, I won’t be the alternate. But, I need to be careful not to overreact and plan well. I’m willing to work things out so long as she makes some changes and tries working on “us” before testing the field with other men. We’ll see. Without proof of P/A, I can’t justify to myself or my kids that filing only 3 weeks into this is the right thing to do. Especially if there is a possibility that I am seeing things wrong. It is not easy though, as she has mentioned she believes I should start dating other women myself to see if I can by “happy” with someone else. WTF! This seems like justification to ease herself of guilt if she is or has been engaged in P/A.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Dare to Change said:


> It is not easy though, as she has mentioned she believes I should start dating other women myself to see if I can by “happy” with someone else. WTF! This seems like justification to ease herself of guilt if she is or has been engaged in P/A.


In other words "I have a posOM, why don't you get yourself a posOW so that we can call it even steven".


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## OutofEnergy (Nov 6, 2012)

tdwal said:


> So are you going to sit there in limbo and speculate or are you going to take action. Have you put vars in the house or in her car. Have you put a key logger on her computer. Have you put a GPS on her car? How about a PI? I mean your sitting around doing nothing, you might as well divorce you aren't doing anything else. Why are you here if that's what you want to do?
> 
> If she is dating she is cheating, why do you want to be married to her? Move back to your house and tell her to get out.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OutofEnergy (Nov 6, 2012)

OutofEnergy said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe she is or maybe she isn't but if you start spying on her and intruding on her privacy how will that make you feel? If you start spying on your wife, that is a foundation for failure. Marriage can't be based on lying, and spying. If either one of you are lying and spying then the relationship is a bad one and should not be allowed to grow. A house built on a rocky foundation will fall down. It sounds like financially you are already separated. Give her the time she asked for. 

I might be the same sucker as you as I am in a very similar situation but I decided to give her the time time she asked for. It has been 2 weeks for us. It sucks but here I am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

tdwal said:


> Your just hurting your self. Read the thousands of posts here that recommend otherwise from people who have been through it. If you want to sit in limbo and do nothing, be my guest.


The longer you wait to act, the more painful it gets.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> The longer you wait to act, the more painful it gets.


This simple fact is so hard for many of us to understand at the outset.

However, rarely does a wayward deviate from the script.

It's stunning how stereotyped and predictable human behavior is.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

spun said:


> This simple fact is so hard for many of us to understand at the outset.
> 
> However, rarely does a wayward deviate from the script.
> 
> It's stunning how stereotyped and predictable human behavior is.


YUP!


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

bangs head on screen...


its just so flipping selfish!

Get yourself happy and ignore her. Love your daughters and you.


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## Dare to Change (Nov 8, 2012)

OK – I’ve been off the post for several days and need to vent. Right now, I mentally drained and haven’t been able to focus on anything else beside the separation. My life and normal day-to-day interaction with my girls has been shaken and I have a lot of doubts about whether I want to keep waiting.

Here is what has been going on: I had the girls for the weekend (Sat/Sun). It was a breath of fresh air and I had a chance to focus on what is really important right now – them. What disturbs me is that although my wife said she needs space and time to figure out what she wants in life, she spent most of the weekend (fri/sat night) out. She is very social and is out of the house as much as possible. What I found interesting is she told me about her plans to hang out with some friends from church for an event that had been planned for about one month. Don’t know for a fact she did as planned as the event was supposed to go on until 10 p.m, but I do know our babysitter didn’t leave my house until close to 3 a.m. 

Then, I saw her briefly on Saturday at the family home because one of my daughters needed something from the house. Wife was there dressed to the 9 and told me her plans to have dinner with a male friend (not concerned about him due to his orientation) and then she would hang out with his friends afterward for a while. Then, she planned to go dancing at a club with one of her female friends.

She doesn’t talk about what goes on while she is out and I am very surprised she even spoke of her plans for the weekend. That is abnormal, as she doesn’t text or call unless we need to discuss the girls. What really shakes me is she seems to have put herself on the market. I don’t know that she is seeing anyone, but it certainly seems as though she is fully taking advantage of the separation. Remember, she said she would likely date at other men at some point. Legally married, but separated without any accountability or boundaries. Looking at things logically, it seems she is completely emotionally detached from our marriage and is making no plans to “take time to herself” and “reflect” on us. 

I don’t know how long I can deal with this. Been doing fairly well at the 180 to help myself, but I slipped the other day and sent her a text message in order to tell her something funny one of my girls did. “Thanks for sharing that” was the reply. It’s been less than one month since we separated and only one week since I’ve been out of the house and in an apartment. I don’t know how much longer I can wait. It hasn’t been very long, but feels like this has been dragging on forever. I know how I would feel should I learn that she is dating – even if it is just social or casual dating – especially if she hasn’t taken the time to work on the issues we have in our marriage. Just tired of all of this.


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## Dare to Change (Nov 8, 2012)

What kills me is that she said she has been unhappy for years because she's felt she has settled with doing everything my way and hasn't had a chance to be herself. However, she told me I have never held her back from constantly going out with friends. She said she doesn't feel she is in love with me anymore because I haven't appreciated her or displayed much affection over the years. 

Don't understand why she doesn't want to at least put an effort into allowing us to work on our issues. Instead, she goes cold, separates, and says she doesn't think she wants to remain married.


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## OutofEnergy (Nov 6, 2012)

Dare to Change said:


> OK – I’ve been off the post for several days and need to vent. Right now, I mentally drained and haven’t been able to focus on anything else beside the separation. My life and normal day-to-day interaction with my girls has been shaken and I have a lot of doubts about whether I want to keep waiting.
> 
> Here is what has been going on: I had the girls for the weekend (Sat/Sun). It was a breath of fresh air and I had a chance to focus on what is really important right now – them. What disturbs me is that although my wife said she needs space and time to figure out what she wants in life, she spent most of the weekend (fri/sat night) out. She is very social and is out of the house as much as possible. What I found interesting is she told me about her plans to hang out with some friends from church for an event that had been planned for about one month. Don’t know for a fact she did as planned as the event was supposed to go on until 10 p.m, but I do know our babysitter didn’t leave my house until close to 3 a.m.
> 
> ...


Please keep the posts coming. I am in the same situation except I have been out of the house for 2 weeks. I can believe the pain. This is getting old. I wish my body would sleep. I am in a holding pattern waiting for her to decide. I just wish I knew what was going on in her head. I know I'm dreaming. It's not good guys. Not good at all for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Mentally drained? Dude these are your good days. If you continue to let her disrespect you like that soon you'll be missing these days. 

Grab your balls, go back to the house and kick her out. Until you man up you'll have a miserable life and most importantly setting an example to your daughters that's its OK to cheat since there are no consequences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

First off, it was a huge mistake to move out. All you have done is give her space to live in an open marriage with less hassle.

Realize that calling you things like jealous, insecure and controlling is a way to manipulate you. You are far from controlling. Essentially you do not wish to share your wife with other men. That is not being controlling. You have been the opposite of controlling.

Your wife has been dating other men for years. She would just now like the freedom to stay at their place over night and / or let them stay at your home. You moving out made that a reality. 

I say move on BUT if you still want to save the marriage you must move back into the home.

Keep in mind that along with affairs comes history re-writing. She can now tell other men you left her and that she is separated. You being gone means there is now zero approach anxiety for the other men. She may keep you around as additional financial support.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

OutofEnergy said:


> Please keep the posts coming. I am in the same situation except I have been out of the house for 2 weeks. I can believe the pain. This is getting old. I wish my body would sleep. I am in a holding pattern waiting for her to decide. I just wish I knew what was going on in her head. I know I'm dreaming. It's not good guys. Not good at all for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You should open your own thread in CWI. 

Waiting for her to decide!? OMG.


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## Dare to Change (Nov 8, 2012)

Entropy 3000. I appreciate your comments and thoughts. However, I don't know that she's been dating for years. Based on what I've seen lately, I feel she is definitely getting herself prepared to do so or she has already started. Don't know for certain. 

Moving back to the house is an option. However, it would only cause her to move out. Initially, she offered to move out, but we decided it would be best for her to stay in the home with the girls because her work schedule is flexible. She is able to take them to school, be home when they are done, etc. I would rather my girls be in the home because everything going on has an impact on them. Wife and I are amicable enough to do as much as possible to limit the impact of this separation on the girls.

Right now, my wife is in a weird place. She's rearranged things in the house to fit her personality. I feel that goes along with what she told me earlier about feeling she has never had a say on how things are done in our home. She needs that freedom now and it is a small sacrifice to help her decide on things. Moving back home and causing her to move out would likely end our marriage. 

I certainly don't agree with how she is going about the separation. This no boundaries BS is unacceptable. It's not me trying to be controlling, as she calls it, it is simply me being assertive on how I feel. If you decide to move on with other men while we are separated before you even attempt to 
see if we can work on our issues, then I may not be there IF you decide you have had a change of heart. The whole Plan B issue. 

I can overcome her going on a few casual dates, but that is it. If an emotional bond forms or her dates progress to a PA, then it closes off the possibility of reconciliation. I am not a jealous man. I encourage her to have male friends. However, she has issues with not understanding boundaries and tends to flirt too hard. I feel it's a lack of maturity on her part. Once you are married, you should focus on your partner and relationship with your partner - not allow everyone else to have the best of you.

This is still very hard to deal with. I'm one of those guys who has always thought she and I were the exception. But, I guess it goes to show that no matter what you want, you cant force someone else to feel the same way. Hoping for even the smallest spark on her part, or even just some tiny indication that she is interested in trying. We'll see - I'll try to keep things up-to-date.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

In other words, you're afraid of her reaction.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

You stated she goes out to lunch and spends time with other men. That is a stage of dating. It has the same effect. You are seeing the results. I am talking about the stuff you know about. Who knows what you don't know.



> I can overcome her going on a few casual dates, but that is it. If an emotional bond forms or her dates progress to a PA, then it closes off the possibility of reconciliation. I am not a jealous man. I encourage her to have male friends. However, she has issues with not understanding boundaries and tends to flirt too hard. I feel it's a lack of maturity on her part. Once you are married, you should focus on your partner and relationship with your partner - not allow everyone else to have the best of you.


You are pulling our legs here right? You are ok with giving her space so she can decide whether you are worthy of her giving up other men? Seriously? You talk about boundaries yet are ok with her going out on dates with other men. You do understand that when two adults date that it is sexual. Will they be practicing safe sex? It is ok if it is just sex and she does not get emotionally involved? How attractive do you think it is to a woman to have a man that is ok with this? 

So you encouraged here to have male friends? Why? Are you into hot wifing? I ask because this is what this thread sounds like to me. Will the kids be seeing these guys spending the night? Or will you be watching them while she has her ... space and tries on these other men?

I would not expect a spark because you have not been willing to stand up to her and are not acting worthy of her. You are sharing her with other men, which is a display of low value. Do you see this? The more you roll over the less attractive you become. Sometimes this comes off as ambivalence. In other words you do not care enough. That said, what woman would do this to her husband? She is acting in a way that is not worthy of having a husband.


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