# Hard time controlling this Urge!!



## cantstopwanting (Feb 24, 2009)

For the last 2 years, on and off, I have been having the strongest urge to cheat on my husband. There are a few men in mind, and I actually like this feeling, but don't at the same time, because I do love my husband. We've been together for 10years. I don't want to hurt him, but if he never found out, would it be that bad? I don't know how much longer I can control myself. Any advice?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Leave him before you do cheat, that's my only advice I can give.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

cantstopwanting said:


> I don't want to hurt him, but if he never found out, would it be that bad?



Is this a serious question?? Would it be that bad? I suppose not if you have no moral center or conscience. Why would you want to do this? What has he done to deserve this? I’d concentrate on the husband “you love” and find what you might be missing in the marriage and improve that. An affair has the potential to hurt a lot of people. Him, you, your kids if you have them, TOM;s wife and kids……


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

GET help!!!!!!
I can only assume you aren't completely happy in your current marriage - I know arround 10 for us it was hard too. You might do something that your relationship can recover from. You need to decide if you want to make it better, or get out.
Look into some sort of marriage support, get away seminar, etc.
Second - don't put yourself in those situtations. A dieter doesn't need to eat their lunch in an ice cream shop....know what I mean?


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## tnyn01 (Feb 24, 2009)

This isn't bad unless you act on it. We all see people and have the 5 second fantasy about what it would be like to be with that person, but it should be a fleeting thought. It sounds like you may be missing something in your love life. I recommend you explore intimacy and talk to your husband about what you have such an urge for. If the urge is just for another partner, I don't think that will work. The male ego is very fragile and the average man won't be able to handle that. If you are missing something in the bedroom, talk to him about it gently and work on it together before you throw away your relationship.


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## cantstopwanting (Feb 24, 2009)

This question would be appointed more towards the people who have ever felt this way....advice from them and not from people who think Im the devil for having feelings like this. Who creates morales anyways? Society? Im speaking animal feelings here. My husband has never done anything to hurt me, I leave him out of this urge. Its nothing he did or didn't do. I just want to explore something new!


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## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

well so far u have been told to GET OUT and that is my advise also, why would u want to hurt some one u supposildly love ?? I hate it when people that dont have the guts to get out of one relationship before having casual sex with someone else.... the pain it causes is so hard to heal , so for your self get out and dont become a cheater....


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## kate_spencer (Feb 20, 2009)

cantstopwanting said:


> This question would be appointed more towards the people who have ever felt this way....advice from them and not from people who think Im the devil for having feelings like this. Who creates morales anyways? Society? Im speaking animal feelings here. My husband has never done anything to hurt me, I leave him out of this urge. Its nothing he did or didn't do. I just want to explore something new!


You can't blame them for thinking of you like that.. cause honestly, I was also shocked to see the question "would it be that bad?". Come on, you had said your husband has never done anything to hurt you.. then don't do something that will probably hurt him. 
If you feel sexually attracted to some guys, then there's your husband.. do it with him. That's why you have him. And don't make excuses like "you just want to explore something new".. you're not a kid anymore, you're married to a wonderful man who loves you so much. And if you have kids, think of them. Think how will it affect them if they'll know about this.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

cantstopwanting said:


> This question would be appointed more towards the people who have ever felt this way....advice from them and not from people who think Im the devil for having feelings like this. Who creates morales anyways? Society? Im speaking animal feelings here. My husband has never done anything to hurt me, I leave him out of this urge. Its nothing he did or didn't do. I just want to explore something new!


I have had these feelings, and think they are fine as long as we understand them for what they are. There is nothing wrong with having fantasies. There is nothing wrong with thinking about other people in a sexual nature. I do think it's wrong to act on it, just for the fact that my wife would be devistated. 

Society and morality is something I think should be separated, but as you will find, most people lean the same way. If you lean the other they will say their opinion. Doesn't make you or them wrong, it's just the way it works.

So let me ask you a few questions. 

Who are the men you are attracted to?
What do you think about doing with them?
What would your hubby say if you asked for an open relationship?
How often do you and your hubby have sex now, and do you like it?
How many people were you with before him?


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

cantstopwanting..

kate and some of the other posters are correct. a few points... 

1: You're not an animal, you're a human, and yes if you want to get scientific, we are in the mammalian family, but the thing that separates us from them is concious thought. Morals, come from God, people, different religions, and just plain common sense..

2: You don't think it would be "that bad" ???? if he didn't know? As in, what you don't know can't hurt you? Sounds like you're trying to rationalize doing something mean, cruel, against your vows, and ultimately very hurtful to your husband. Even if he never found out, yes , it's wrong, yes, it's bad. Yes, society does dictate that notion, and that's that old thing about being a human being with feelings, coming back up to haunt you again.

Morals are there for a reason. Whether you learned them from your parents who were religious, or not religious, the overall concensous is that cheating is wrong. This is not a new idea. It's been around for a Very very long time. You do sound a tad childish saying you just want to "explore something new" 

Perhaps marriage was not the venture for you? Maybe you're not marriage material? I don't know. But saying that you're wanting to do this to your husband , and if he doesn't know, it's okay.... shows a great deal about your mind. Bad deeds, are bad even if no one is watching.... that's like a kindergarten level lesson. Good luck controlling your urges. 

Why take vows, if you've no intention of keeping them?


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## Greatermindset (Oct 13, 2008)

Cantstopwanting, Do you like having variety in your life where you go on adventures and do exciting different things? Do you also want to feel more special and significant at a greater level you desire? and Do you want to have a feeling of a greater connection with someone?

If this is the case, you're thinking of doing it outside of your relationship in an unhealthy way. I'm not saying it's right, but I understand where you're coming from if the above are correct. I would say and suggest to keep it within the relationship. It can still have the above with your husband. With a bit of creativity from you and your husband, it will strengthen the relationship and take it to another level. The level you desire. Tell your husband about this and get him involved. Be honest and upfront. Tell him that you love him, all the great things about him, and let him know you want to have a more fulfilling relationship with him.

He may not be aware of what's going on at all and it could be a wake up call to serve both of you.

Cheers,
Greatermindset


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## cantstopwanting (Feb 24, 2009)

I'm sorry for upsetting so many of you with this thread. I admire you all for having the marriage and those morals you do. For me, I have just been going through these emotions for over 2 years. I truly hope they go away for good, but they are taking over me now...yet again, stronger than the last time. Does anyone know if these feelings will go away in time? How long will it take? And, so, does that mean I should do more fantasizing in bed?
Dancing Nancie... thanks for your support. I do feel trapped. I didn't do a lot of exploring before I met my husband. Maybe that's why I feel like busting out?


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

cantstopwanting said:


> I'm sorry for upsetting so many of you with this thread. I admire you all for having the marriage and those morals you do. For me, I have just been going through these emotions for over 2 years. I truly hope they go away for good, but they are taking over me now...yet again, stronger than the last time. Does anyone know if these feelings will go away in time? How long will it take? And, so, does that mean I should do more fantasizing in bed?
> Dancing Nancie... thanks for your support. I do feel trapped. I didn't do a lot of exploring before I met my husband. Maybe that's why I feel like busting out?


Well I can't say if they will go away or not. I had a lot of experimenting before my wife, so that is not something I am familiar with. I think fantasizing in bed, or alone, or even sharing with your husband is great! 

There is no reason why you can't explore with your hubby too. You never know, he may be open to some things that will scratch some of your itches...


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

cantstopwanting said:


> I'm sorry for upsetting so many of you with this thread. I admire you all for having the marriage and those morals you do. For me, I have just been going through these emotions for over 2 years. I truly hope they go away for good, but they are taking over me now...yet again, stronger than the last time. Does anyone know if these feelings will go away in time? How long will it take? And, so, does that mean I should do more fantasizing in bed?
> Dancing Nancie... thanks for your support. I do feel trapped. I didn't do a lot of exploring before I met my husband. Maybe that's why I feel like busting out?


The more you invest into the relationship the better it will be and the less you will have these thoughts. If sex is lacking than talk to your husband about spicing it up, or have him pick you up in a bar out of town. But imagine if you got HIV and gave it to your husband. The chance to kill him over selfish desires?!? I can't imagine that is what you are about. CHange your marriage and spice it up, it will be worth it in the end.

draconis


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## lonestarwife (Jan 24, 2009)

I think Drac and Dancing Nancie hit the nail on the head with this one. It is not just the thoughts, it is what has lead up to the thoughts. If you are feeling somehow trapped do something constructive within your marriage to fix it like Drac suggested. Personally speaking I was on the other side of the table. Since my H has really opened up to me about what he wants our sex life to be, he has got more than he might have hoped for. I am not talking about having an open relationship or anything like that, but I have really opened up. I am so glad (and so is he) that he choose communication within our marriage as oppsed to outside the marriage. Another question, do you have children? Sometimes having small children can really put a damper on your sex life and it takes some time to get back on track.


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## DCBob (Feb 20, 2009)

Ouch. If you really feel that way end the marriage before you destroy it and your husband.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Cantstopwanting...

Have you ever considered an open marriage or swinging? A threesome? Couple Swapping?

Would you mind if your husband slept with another woman?

What is your marriage like? You just may be looking for the thrill, but the impact of theat thrill could be devestating if not handled correctly. Cheating is never the way to go.

Have you ever tried Roleplaying with your husband?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

revitalizedhusband said:


> Leave him before you do cheat, that's my only advice I can give.


:iagree: the consequences wil be disatrous if you dont do it in this order.


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## Kyle (Feb 26, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> Cantstopwanting...
> 
> Have you ever considered an open marriage or swinging? A threesome? Couple Swapping?
> 
> ...


I was thinking the exact same thing. 


Most people look down on swinging because of morals and swinging isn't for everyone. 

Cantstopwanting I suggest you do quick search on the swinging lifestyle and what it does to/for relationships. There are quizzes and guides to what its all about and to see if it fits who you are. 

Be prepared though, an important factor is how your mate feels about it. 

For those of you who don't know much about it I will comment.

Its not 'sleeping around' or 'orgies' its about satisfying the primal urges and living out fantasies. 
You love the person you are committed to in your relationship but you don't love the person you play with. 

P.S. Don't cheat. Your just hurting the other person.
-if they agree or join you in your fantasies then that isn't cheating. 

In the off chance that you get off knowing that you are cheating and the other person doesn't know then seek help.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Are you otherwise happy in your marriage? Does your husband satisfy you sexually? ARe you attracted to him? 

Is it possible that these urges are a symptom of a problem in your marriage? If this is the case, I suggest that you first explore the problem and work on it (counseling and open communication with him).

Is there's truly nothing wrong in the marriage (and you've eliminated the possibility of denial), then maybe you do need to be open with him and discuss the possibility of swinging. It might allow you to fulfil those urges with his consent. It also might be better for the relationship than, say, an open relationship because then you're at least doing it together.

I totally get how you're feeling. For me, I know that it's a symptom of marital and sexual problems. So I'm working on those. If those don't get resolved, then I plan to leave because I don't see the point of cheating ... even if I thought HE wouldn't be hurt by not finding out, *I* would feel like **** about myself.


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## DB in PA (Feb 25, 2009)

OK. So the question is to those of us who have had the urge. we all have! The question is did or will we act. Do we really want to betray the trust of our companion.
Let me sugest that your urge is not to want to be with another man, but to want to experience new and different things with your husband. If the bedroom area has gotten boring, then do something different in there. Buy a movie, toys, or role play! Tell him what your new desires for posible fulfilment are! If it is not about him or anything that he has done or not done, then do not betray him. it seems as if you do not really want to hurt him or do this deed!


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## broo (Feb 17, 2009)

The OP is pushing the envelope of credibility suggesting that in 10 years he has never done anything to hurt her.

I have a suggestion. Pick your beau and do all sorts of kinky crazy stuff with him and videotape it. Then set up a room full of bondage gear where you're chained up. Invite your husband him and show him the video of how bad you've been, and then beg him to beat you with the various implements until you're unconscious. Video tape that too. Then if he ever tries to leave you can blackmail him by threatening to send show the tape to the authorities.

BTW... I recommend getting an enormous tattoo of a black widow that covers your entire torso. You should also consider changing your name to "Maleficent".


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