# Good book recommendations for going through this??



## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I am thinking of hitting the bookstore tomorrow and getting a book on divorce or separation, about marriage and issues.... I wouldnt know even where to start. Have any of you had some really great books they recommend? I would love to get a hold of a good book and possibly try and convince the husband to check it out after I am done reading it??

I need to read about all this, and gain some perspective in a world where I feel I have none right now...


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

I have done a lot of reading since my husband left and I really got a lot out of Five Love Languges by Dr. Gary Chapman. From the book I realized that I was showing my husband my love by acts of service, I did everything for him and he did not seem to notice I also realized that the way he wanted to be shown love was quality time together, something that we hardly ever did. I also realized that I wanted to be shown his love in acts of service, he did nothing around the house or our office to show his love to me, instead he was showing his love by words of affirmation, I don't care if I look good, I really need help picking up the house!!!

The book has been a real eye opener for me. I read it in a day or two and I have asked him to read it although I don't believe he has started the book even though I gave it to him weeks ago. Oh well, it was an eye opener for me


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Thanks! I think I will pick that up today and take a whirl at it....


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## Bigsigh (Oct 26, 2009)

Another good one is "How to Improve your Marriage Without Talking about it" Pat love and Stephen Stosny. If it doesnt help this relationship, you'll be a a lot wiser for another one.


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## ru4real? (Oct 18, 2010)

The Truth About Love by Pat Love is a good book..it helped us understand what we are going through and made us understand eachother a little bit better.


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## GoDucks (May 19, 2010)

What do you want to learn? You are in the "going through" section... Is it about how to get through it? How to save yourself from it? 

We have kids... So, the best book about getting them through it has been Gary Neuman's "how to help kids cope with divorce"... I found it on Amazon. Fantastic book.

When I was first learning, I went to the library and probably got 10 books and skimmed them. My favorite from that was by a divorce coach, called "what your divorce lawyer may not tell you"... It was helpful to simply have insights.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

GoDucks: I want to learn how to get through this... I knwo this relationship will come to and end and i need to come to understanding this... i dont want to hate him as we still talk and i would like to end this on a good note and still be civil and or friends down the road (a waaaaaays down the road) I would like to learn and know if there were things I could have seen in the past, things i might have done differently, how to understand men in a marriage?

There are tons of things I would like to gain some clarity, that way I am ready for my next step in life.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Divorce and New Beginnings is a good one that helped me.

IT was a little "PhD-ish" with quoted research and stuff but I kind of like to see opinions backed up with fact.

The sections on dealing with anger (when that's all you have) and grief are invaluable.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I was wondering what should i read now (i am going through divorce) and your thread took me back to the book "Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum. Mira is a psychotherapist and she was so good in asking the questions and giving the clear answers. This book was my first step into deciding, it's a very helpful and wise guide. 
The author offers at the end of the book suggestions of several books to read after your decision, whether to STAY or to LEAVE. You don't have to be limited to those books but they take you through the next step.

Good luck


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

SO I just picked up 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.....my question is this....this book right now has been an eye opener and has slowly been helping be tyr to understand all this....

If he has been saying for the last 3 week she is done and doesnt want to try to fix anything, is it even worth me putting the book on the bed and leaving a note saying that this might be a good book to read and maybe gain a little reflection of what we are about to go through? (Divorce?)


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## geo (Oct 29, 2010)

shelly, For me that book brought soooooo many things / actions into perspective. and honestly It was left out at my house and I ignored it. But If my wife would have said something along the line as, It would mean alot to me if you would read this, or even please read this, it might help you understand what I (we) need to fix our relationship. I would have made the effort to read.


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## philjohnson (Nov 3, 2010)

Read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It probably would apply to many people here.


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

Hey Shelly - My husband suggested I read the 5 Love Languages book about a year ago and I never picked it up or read it. When he recommended I read the book he had not yet read the book himself a marriage counselor he was seeing on his own suggested we both read the book. Anyway after he moved out I remembered what he said about the book and I bought it and read it in one weekend. It really helped me to see where I had gone wrong and what I should do differently. I gave him the book and said it was a great read and asked him to read it, it has been several weeks now and he is about 1/2 through with the book. I have made many changes since reading the book and we have discussed in depth what our love languages are and I have gone out of my way to show him that I love him in his language (the one I thought he was after reading the book which is the same one he said he was). He on the other hand has done nothing to show me in my love language, he knows what it is.....we discussed it. 

I think it is worth a try having him read it but I don't know if it will do any good at this point. 

Good luck!


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Yeah... separated...I emailed him today and told him i picked up that book and it has really helped bring some thigns into perspective in what we are going through and it might help him out too.... he said he would be game for reading it....

Now who really knows if he will or not, but if its not a far stretch for us.....it at least might help him out in the future....I think it will totally help me out from now on. Im actually gonna keep reading it later tonight!


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

So i finished the book this evening....what an eye opener, I have a feeling we really didn't know our "love language" and we were just equal in all levels, but each person has a language they crave more than others.... I told him about the book and he took it up to the bedroom today so he seemed interested to read it. the booked helped me.... I think I might get another book that has been recommended on this thread.


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Hi Shelly, did that love language book more give advice about on how to save a relationship that's going wrong? I'm more dealing with the marriage being over, not sure I'm not keen on realizing yet all the things I could have done to make it better whilst I still had the chance...I would just be blaming / kicking myself I think....! 

Well done for giving to your husband though....I don't think I could risk that with mine....he would just see it as another attempt from me to 'control' the situation....he is very stubborn and not receptive to help from others.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Marigold.... I too am having to deal with marriage being over... I dont think this was in that right path, but it really did open my eyes a little to who I am and what I need in love. I plan on hitting the bookstore tomorrow to pick out another book, this time having to deal with the divorce and moving on. My mediator said a good book she had read was called "He said, She said"?? something along that line...she said that might help me out a bit too.


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