# I can't believe what I've done



## KCO (Oct 20, 2008)

I am a 22 year old, christian woman who really needs some advice. About a month ago i was dating this guy named Rick i thought was just so right for me. We were getting to know each other really well and we eventually had sex. He was my first sexual experience. About a month into dating, things went south. I must of caught him on the rebound b/c he was having issues with an ex. He never called me again, so we broke up. Every time i date someone, it never lasts longer than a month. i always say im going to go out with my friends and if a guy happens to hit on me, im not going to give them my number. but i always do. then we go out, i start liking the person and after a few dates something happens for us to break up. i can never seem to fight the temptation of guys paying attention to me and giving them my number. Recently, i met another guy named Chad. I don't know what my problem is but we exchanged numbers. Honestly, I'm not attracted to him physically. But he's really nice. We have made out and fooled around but we have not had sex. I feel really guilty continuing seeing him when im not attracted to him. but he's really into me. we have only seen eachother for 3 weeks and already he's saying he loves me. I feel really guilty and ashamed I gave into temptation and allowed myself to get this deep into dating someone again. I need advice on how to end this cycle, end this current dating situation. I want to focus on school, my career and getting closer to God. I feel he is ashamed of me and dissapointed. I want to not focus on meeting someone and just allow things to happen at it's own pace. I figure when the time is right, God will send me someone great for me.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

KCO said:


> I figure when the time is right, God will send me someone great for me.


Well you have a lot going on but i wanted to talk about this first. God, in my opinion, allows you to make choices on who *you* will bring into your life. You attract a person by your thoughts, attitudes, and actions. So if you want the right person in your life, focus on being the right person. And make a list of everything you want in a man. 



KCO said:


> i always say im going to go out with my friends and if a guy happens to hit on me, im not going to give them my number.


Im going to guess you have this ultimatum for yourself because you feel a complete lack of control over your emotions. You want to want this, but you dont really want to do this. Just face that fact. dont put these false barriers on yourself anymore. What is that scripture that says, "Dont swear by a hair on your head because you have no control over it. Let your communication be Ya, ya, nay, nay, for anything more then this is blasphemy." 

dont try to control what you will do anymore. it just makes you feel more and more the failure when you dont abide by it. and it gives you the illusion that you have complete control over yourself in any situation. Do what you will in the moment, and learn about yourself. 



KCO said:


> I feel really guilty continuing seeing him when im not attracted to him. but he's really into me. we have only seen eachother for 3 weeks and already he's saying he loves me. I feel really guilty and ashamed I gave into temptation and allowed myself to get this deep into dating someone again.


Guilt is a funny emotion. It usually means you think you shouldnt want something, but really you do. It usually means you feel "bad", externally judged, but at your core, you like it. and you feel 'bad' for liking it. This guy is giving you something. Just admit it. It feels good to be wanted. Stop trying to think of what you should want, and start watching what you are doing. That is what you really want. Until you are fully aware of, and can admit to, what you really feel, you wont be able to work on being in control of what you want.



KCO said:


> I need advice on how to end this cycle, end this current dating situation. I want to focus on school, my career and getting closer to God. I feel he is ashamed of me and dissapointed


Be patient with yourself. God sent you here, in my opinion, to learn about yourself. He loves you and if anything he's probably sad that you are so confused and that you are hurting. God sends you commandments and rules not to judge you and send you to hell if you disobey, but to keep you save and happy. he's also very patient. that's why you get to live to 80+ years old. he doesnt expect you to understand yourself immediately. but he does expect you to keep trying. 

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
-Confucius


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

wow, I do not see this as "temptation" at all, you are trying to find the correct suitor for you, and you should.

My wife had a policy, She would say yes to every man that asked her out, she would date them for a month then "cut them loose" 

We ended up together by accident, I wasn't "picking her up" I was simply being nice to her about something. She ended up calling me. When we first started dating we were home for the summer since we both went to different colleges in different states, so we agreed, a "summer fling" and that is it, very "loose terms" of dating, no pressure at all, neither one of us was looking to Settle down.

yet...it kept going...kept going....

dated 6 years, been married 12 years. (met each other when I was 20, she was 19, got married at the ages of 26/25 and finished college before getting married.)

The point being I was happy my wife dated many men, all kinds, of men as well.

We stayed together because we worked well for each other.

So stop feeling guilty, play the field, date who you want and when you want. When you meet the right man you will know.

If your not attracted to the guy, cut him loose, don't string him along.

you will find the right man for you in due time, there is no rush.


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