# Wife's Friend A Serious Issue In Our Marriage



## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Husband needing advice: My wife (age 38) has a very good friend that she's known for about 10 years. I know the friend, too, because she was married to a buddy of mine. My wife's friend and I hate each other and my wife knows it. We were cool for years, but in the last few years this friend went through a bitter divorce with my buddy, which was not my business or the cause of our issues. The issue between us is that this friend's life spun out of control. Threesomes, group sex, sex with other men I know, drugs, alcohol, loud outbursts, etc. - this was the friend's new life after the divorce. My wife, who normally doesn't hang out late, would go out with this friend until 5am and come home drunk and full of lies about where she's been, etc. This was very abnormal for my wife and what made it worse was she was very arrogant about it. I caught my wife in a EA with an ex at this time as well, which really changed our marriage and added a level of daily tension. Surprisingly, the friend cut my wife off for unknown reasons about a year ago after the EA was discovered. Cold turkey - she dropped my wife as a friend. My wife has never explained why and I haven't asked. I feel like the friend realized she was going to lead my wife and I to divorce court and stepped back. The wife claims this friend was her "best friend" but she wasn't. 

HERE'S THE PROBLEM: the wife knows I hate her ex-friend, yet my wife just the other placed a picture of this friend up in our bedroom. I feel like she's testing me. When I wake up and literally open my eyes, I see this ugly friend staring back at me. Should I take it down? Ask her to take it down? Ask her to talk about it? I'm of the view the more I press and try to interrogate or argue the worse it is for our marriage. I'm not into chasing a woman who doesn't want to be here if that's the case, and I feel like if I press my point of view too hard it's going to lead to more drama. But I am not obligated to look at this pic everyday.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

IMO, have a talk with her and tell her that you feel this friend is a bad influence and it is harming your marriage. Given the EA, etc., you want to agree to some boundaries at a minimum, and ideally you'd prefer she end what you feel is a toxic friendship. If she won't agree, serve her divorce papers - either that will wake her up, or she'll leave. In either case, you win.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

seems as though your wife knows your feelings about her and yet places it in the inner sanctum of bedroom, i see that as a slap in the face...isn't there a place that is more personal to her to place the picture...


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

sixbravebulls said:


> Husband needing advice: My wife (age 38) has a very good friend that she's known for about 10 years. I know the friend, too, because she was married to a buddy of mine. My wife's friend and I hate each other and my wife knows it. We were cool for years, but in the last few years this friend went through a bitter divorce with my buddy, which was not my business or the cause of our issues. The issue between us is that this friend's life spun out of control. Threesomes, group sex, sex with other men I know, drugs, alcohol, loud outbursts, etc. - this was the friend's new life after the divorce. My wife, who normally doesn't hang out late, would go out with this friend until 5am and come home drunk and full of lies about where she's been, etc. This was very abnormal for my wife and what made it worse was she was very arrogant about it. I caught my wife in a EA with an ex at this time as well, which really changed our marriage and added a level of daily tension. Surprisingly, the friend cut my wife off for unknown reasons about a year ago after the EA was discovered. Cold turkey - she dropped my wife as a friend. My wife has never explained why and I haven't asked. I feel like the friend realized she was going to lead my wife and I to divorce court and stepped back. The wife claims this friend was her "best friend" but she wasn't.
> 
> HERE'S THE PROBLEM: the wife knows I hate her ex-friend, yet my wife just the other placed a picture of this friend up in our bedroom. I feel like she's testing me. When I wake up and literally open my eyes, I see this ugly friend staring back at me. Should I take it down? Ask her to take it down? Ask her to talk about it? I'm of the view the more I press and try to interrogate or argue the worse it is for our marriage. I'm not into chasing a woman who doesn't want to be here if that's the case, and I feel like if I press my point of view too hard it's going to lead to more drama. But I am not obligated to look at this pic everyday.


Hi six. There are a bunch of problems and they are symptoms signs that your wife has checked out of the marriage and does whatever she wants to do. I don't think you can focus on any one symptom and your sure can not force her to change. So it's up to you to decide what you're willing to do if she doesn't change.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, have a talk with your wife and ask her why she has put up the picture of someone who has dumped her as a friend. I'm wondering if she's doing some law of attraction stuff where if she keeps thinking about it her ex-friend will be back. But this might be a time for you to get her to talk about what happened.

Also tell her how you feel. IMHO, a picture of a friend in your bedroom is just weird. A picture of this particular friend where you can see it when you wake up seems like an act of antagonism. Plus there is something very private to a couple about the master bedroom... like having anyone else staring at you (even from a photo) while your making love is odd.

It if was in my house, it'd take it down because it's my home and there is no way I'd have something that brought up bad memories where it could cause me to keep those thoughts in my head. She can keep it in a desk drawer if she wants a picture of a friend who dumped her around.

You can do this by starting out from a thoughtful/loving place. If it escalates then take the picture down.

.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

I don't see the friend as the issue. Your wife evidently has issues with you and is utilizing this friend as a way to get back at you without taking full responsibility for her actions. Don't focus on the friend, focus on the wife and HER actions.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't think you two ever dealt fully with the affair. Your wife going out with a wild woman until 5 a.m.?

I know you haven't totally dealt with this because toxic friends are part of the reconciliation process.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

sixbravebulls said:


> My wife, who normally doesn't hang out late, would go out with this friend until 5am and come home drunk and full of lies about where she's been, etc. This was very abnormal for my wife and what made it worse was she was very arrogant about it. I caught my wife in a EA with an ex at this time as well, which really changed our marriage and added a level of daily tension. Surprisingly, the friend cut my wife off for unknown reasons about a year ago after the EA was discovered.
> 
> yet my wife just the other placed a picture of this friend up in our bedroom. I feel like she's testing me.


She's already been testing the marriage, this is just another one. You need to deal with the EA, the 5am stuff and why the picture is back. I'd talk to her because you have no clue why it is up and you do not know what she is missing. Is it her friend or is it the fun and shenanigans she had with her friend? 

Yes, I am a cynic when any spouse comes home, regardless of gender, at 5am drunk and lying.



> I feel like if I press my point of view too hard it's going to lead to more drama.


More? There is only one thing to add to this drama and it won't be more, it will be an addition.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Married but Happy said:


> IMO, have a talk with her and tell her that you feel this friend is a bad influence and it is harming your marriage. Given the EA, etc., you want to agree to some boundaries at a minimum, and ideally you'd prefer she end what you feel is a toxic friendship. If she won't agree, serve her divorce papers - either that will wake her up, or she'll leave. In either case, you win.


MBH, we are not near divorce. I can't escalate this to the divorce level.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Yep, have a talk with your wife and ask her why she has put up the picture of someone who has dumped her as a friend. I'm wondering if she's doing some law of attraction stuff where if she keeps thinking about it her ex-friend will be back. But this might be a time for you to get her to talk about what happened.
> 
> Also tell her how you feel. IMHO, a picture of a friend in your bedroom is just weird. A picture of this particular friend where you can see it when you wake up seems like an act of antagonism. Plus there is something very private to a couple about the master bedroom... like having anyone else staring at you (even from a photo) while your making love is odd.
> 
> ...


This sounds like good advice. I will just tell her the truth about how I feel and if she doesn't take it down voluntarily I will just take it down. 

I think she's in a midlife crisis. When a woman is going through this type of stuff, is it better for me to kind of back off and be non-confrontational or stay constantly talking about stuff?


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

techmom said:


> I don't see the friend as the issue. Your wife evidently has issues with you and is utilizing this friend as a way to get back at you without taking full responsibility for her actions. Don't focus on the friend, focus on the wife and HER actions.


I agree. I'll approach it more from the perspective of whether she still has beef with me. She must. This ought to be interesting.


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## Stang197 (Aug 31, 2015)

sixbravebulls said:


> Married but Happy said:
> 
> 
> > IMO, have a talk with her and tell her that you feel this friend is a bad influence and it is harming your marriage. Given the EA, etc., you want to agree to some boundaries at a minimum, and ideally you'd prefer she end what you feel is a toxic friendship. If she won't agree, serve her divorce papers - either that will wake her up, or she'll leave. In either case, you win.
> ...


If this behavior keeps up you need to escalate this to divorce. Sounds like your wife will if you wont.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

sixbravebulls said:


> MBH, we are not near divorce. I can't escalate this to the divorce level.


You may not be near divorce but you're hiking the divorce trail and the further you go the more difficult it is to get off of.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> She's already been testing the marriage, this is just another one. You need to deal with the EA, the 5am stuff and why the picture is back. I'd talk to her because you have no clue why it is up and you do not know what she is missing. Is it her friend or is it the fun and shenanigans she had with her friend?
> 
> Yes, I am a cynic when any spouse comes home, regardless of gender, at 5am drunk and lying.
> 
> More? There is only one thing to add to this drama and it won't be more, it will be an addition.


Yeah, the EA issue is not dead for me or I wouldn't even be on this site. It has consumed my life and driven me to anger in ways that I haven't been completely honest with her about. If I told her how I really felt and what I really thought…. And maybe vice versa!!

If she were honest with me, I think she'd say that on the one level she feels like she's in my shadow and on another level she _enjoys _the protection provided by that shadow - the money, the security, the kids, the respect around our part of town, the not having to work, and the fact that I'm a pretty darn good husband as many women tell her in casual conversation. My wife would even agree that I'm a good husband. My feeling is that she is super good looking and I think she's frustrated that it's fading a bit with age. She's probably tired of being with just me. I'm finding that a lot of women are just bored with one d*ck to be honest.

Let me clarify: the 5am drunk thing only happened once and it was like a year and a half ago. I feel like we need to stop talking about it or it will never die. I can't keep discussing it.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I don't think you two ever dealt fully with the affair. Your wife going out with a wild woman until 5 a.m.?
> 
> I know you haven't totally dealt with this because toxic friends are part of the reconciliation process.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree, and think the split because the friend has some involvement with the EA/PA? and didn't want to get caught by the fallout. Now that the EA has been rug swept they want to get back together.....


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Woodchuck said:


> I agree, and think the split because the friend has some involvement with the EA/PA? and didn't want to get caught by the fallout. Now that the EA has been rug swept they want to get back together.....


The friend was not directly involved in the EA, but she was like the little devil in my wife's ear about anything bad at that same time period, so the EA and this friend are kinda tied together in my mind and she knows that.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Yes a nice talk would be good before I burnt it in the back yard.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

> I feel like we need to stop talking about it or it will never die. I can't keep discussing it.


Yes, you are absolutely right, if it has been properly addressed and put to bed. 

It angers you because our minds, this is backed up by science, like to understand our world. We fit puzzle pieces together, sometimes erroneously, to help the world make sense. One night partying, 5 am return, lies, a sexually adventurous bff, an EA and then the person suddenly drops her. I could care less what sexual adventures any woman has on her own, but with my wife involved I will have issues irrational or not. You said it makes no sense so, you are currently stuck trying to rationalize these issues. You are now, a year and a half later, spinning your wheels. 


Sounds like it has not been approached in the proper manner. You need to learn how to discuss it correctly. This is why you go to counseling and learn how to communicate.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

sixbravebulls said:


> Husband needing advice: My wife (age 38) has a very good friend that she's known for about 10 years. I know the friend, too, because she was married to a buddy of mine. My wife's friend and I hate each other and my wife knows it. We were cool for years, but in the last few years this friend went through a bitter divorce with my buddy, which was not my business or the cause of our issues. *The issue between us is that this friend's life spun out of control. Threesomes, group sex, sex with other men I know, drugs, alcohol, loud outbursts, etc. - this was the friend's new life after the divorce. My wife, who normally doesn't hang out late, would go out with this friend until 5am and come home drunk and full of lies about where she's been, etc.* This was very abnormal for my wife and what made it worse was she was very arrogant about it. * I caught my wife in a EA with an ex at this time as well, which really changed our marriage and added a level of daily tension. Surprisingly, the friend cut my wife off for unknown reasons about a year ago after the EA was discovered. Cold turkey - she dropped my wife as a friend. * My wife has never explained why and I haven't asked. I feel like the friend realized she was going to lead my wife and I to divorce court and stepped back. The wife claims this friend was her "best friend" but she wasn't.
> 
> HERE'S THE PROBLEM: *the wife knows I hate her ex-friend, yet my wife just the other placed a picture of this friend up in our bedroom. *I feel like she's testing me. When I wake up and literally open my eyes, I see this ugly friend staring back at me. Should I take it down? Ask her to take it down? Ask her to talk about it? I'm of the view the more I press and try to interrogate or argue the worse it is for our marriage. I'm not into chasing a woman who doesn't want to be here if that's the case, and I feel like if I press my point of view too hard it's going to lead to more drama. But I am not obligated to look at this pic everyday.


Read the bolded.

1) wife hanging out with friend into threesomes and other forms of group sex, drugs, and hardcore partying
2) wife going out with said friend til the early morning hours and lying about what she was doing
3) wife having EA with an ex
4) wife's "friend" all of a sudden wants nothing to do with wife, yet wife puts picture of friend up in bedroom, a highly personal and intimate space.

You already know your wife cheated on you. You already know she lies to you. You already know the kind of activities her friend was/is into and that your wife went along with her til all hours of the night. You already know she was/is acting outside of what you thought was her norm. Do the math. My guess is wife had group sex of some kind with "friend", maybe more than once, and that's why "friend" all of a sudden dumped her and your wife is so attached that she put "friends" picture up in your room.

The reason things get worse when you press is because your wife is lying to you, she doesn't want to have to admit to her shyte, so she growls in order to make you back off. As long as you aren't pressing it, she can sweep it under the rug.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Man only you know what you want in life and in a relationship and I'm sure you've connected some of the dots. There are red flags oozing out of more red flags and I assume you have an idea of what's happened and why her friend dropped her. So beyond that, It seems like your wife likes rubbing stuff in your face (ie: picture). I don't know what you should do exactly because this whole situation foreign to me but It seems like you guys have to communicate and not focus on the picture but on why she's poking at you.


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## Space Mountain (Jul 19, 2015)

sixbravebulls,

I would take a sharpie and draw a goatee and devil horns on her picture. That way when you wake up and have to look at it in the morning, at least you can have a good laugh. I would then blame it on one of the kids. 

This is the way my mind works though and you may not want to do that. It is a curse and a blessing.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Nothing makes a lot of sense. Most of my friends think I'm nuts to even 'think' my wife may have had an affair. I mean, I have some serious player-type friends and they beg me hard not to think that. It's really weird to think your wife is cheating on you and have your male friends - both married and unmarried - say, "Six, you are tripping. She was just talking to the guy." Do I really think my wife banged the other dude? 85% No. Could it be possible? Yes. If nothing else, I've seen the guy and he is physically grotesque. He may have been decent 20 years ago when they dated before she had any confidence. 

The wife came home yesterday and was super lovey dovey, so I didn't want to start the conversation. I did, however, turn the picture around backwards. She turned it back today. ;-)

I'm gonna discuss it tonight.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

sixbravebulls said:


> Nothing makes a lot of sense. Most of my friends think I'm nuts to even 'think' my wife may have had an affair.


 Said dang near every betrayed spouse ever. How many threads do you want? 



> I mean, I have some serious player-type friends and they beg me hard not to think that. It's really weird to think your wife is cheating on you and have your male friends - both married and unmarried - say, "Six, you are tripping. She was just talking to the guy."


It is weird to you. How many threads do you want?



> Do I really think my wife banged the other dude? 85% No. Could it be possible? Yes. If nothing else, I've seen the guy and he is physically grotesque. He may have been decent 20 years ago when they dated before she had any confidence.


It's called "affairing down." How many threads do you want? 

Yes, I am cracking wise, but don't let your friends and family scare you away from doubt if it is legit. If she just went out with her sexually adventurous friend until 5am, didn't have an EA and they had a falling out I'd be telling you to calm down. All those flags together is what we call toxic. 

Look, I don't want you going down the road of micromanaging your marriage. I do want you to get help and get your questions answered. 15% is too much stress to live under for the rest of your marriage. Get help in communicating with her and approach the subject once and for all.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Just curious... what is the picture? Just the friend? The friend and ex-husband?

If it is the latter, I'm going to guess that (a) the EA was with your buddy, (b) her friend found out, (c) it probably caused the divorce and (d) the picture up there is for her to look at him, not her.

Like I said... just guessing.


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## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

The picture is the least of your problems. 

She had some wild crazy sex with strangers, she never came clean about it, and you simply swept it under the rug.

Ignoring it doesn't make it go away.

Your question about the picture is like someone saying "My house is on fire but I just noticed in my haste to get out of there I grabbed 2 different shoes, do you think anyone will notice?"


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

sixbravebulls said:


> Nothing makes a lot of sense. Most of my friends think I'm nuts to even 'think' my wife may have had an affair. I mean, I have some serious player-type friends and they beg me hard not to think that. It's really weird to think your wife is cheating on you and have your male friends - both married and unmarried - say, "Six, you are tripping. She was just talking to the guy." Do I really think my wife banged the other dude? 85% No. Could it be possible? Yes. If nothing else, I've seen the guy and he is physically grotesque. He may have been decent 20 years ago when they dated before she had any confidence.
> 
> The wife came home yesterday and was super lovey dovey, so I didn't want to start the conversation. I did, however, turn the picture around backwards. She turned it back today. ;-)
> 
> I'm gonna discuss it tonight.


"wife, you putting that picture up in our bedroom makes me feel disrespected and that you're being disrespectful to our marriage."

If she doesn't take it down, or if she flips out, I'd likely do something relatively juvenile next.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

You nned to tlak to you wife and ask her why she wants a picture of this person who bad for your marriage in the bedroom. She needs to know you think this person is harmful to both of you and you would like it removed.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What picture? Accidents happen all the time. Just pick up the pieces and discard them where they belong - in the trash. Why are you acting like a doormat to your wife? The gentler you are on her, the worse it's going to get.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> What picture? Accidents happen all the time. Just pick up the pieces and discard them where they belong - in the trash. Why are you acting like a doormat to your wife? The gentler you are on her, the worse it's going to get.


I agree. 
You sound like you are afraid of your wife. What are you afraid of? You seem to have no boundaries. She can do whatever she wants and there are no repercussions. You take of all her needs and she walks all over you. Is that how you want to live?


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Thanks to everyone who posted. I spoke with my wife and this should be a lesson to all:

When I "confronted" her about the photo, she laughed and said, "I didn't put the picture up! My Mom was cleaning up in our room, found it, and put it up! I was about to take it down. F*ck that b!tch!" 

A few people advised me to serve divorce papers based solely upon the photo. We should all be careful who we listen to and follow our own inner compass. We should know that, by virtue of expressing our collective pain through our time on this site, we can all lose a sense of our own true feelings and emotions, and, instead, unknowingly become more like those who are suffering here. What I mean is this - live your own truth, not necessarily what you read here, because the people on here can ruin your life with bad advice if you are not careful.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

sixbravebulls said:


> Thanks to everyone who posted. I spoke with my wife and this should be a lesson to all:


 No, this is a lesson to you. Many of us told you to talk before jumping off the deep end.



> A few people advised me to serve divorce papers based solely upon the photo. We should all be careful who we listen to and follow our own inner compass. We should know that, by virtue of expressing our collective pain through our time on this site, we can all lose a sense of our own true feelings and emotions, and, instead, unknowingly become more like those who are suffering here. What I mean is this - live your own truth, not necessarily what you read here, because the people on here can ruin your life with bad advice if you are not careful.


LOL. This is why people implied you are afraid of your wife. There was no bad advice in this thread. The divorce comments were based on your initial post. You know the one where you said this:



> he issue between us is that this friend's life spun out of control. Threesomes, group sex, sex with other men I know, drugs, alcohol, loud outbursts, etc. - this was the friend's new life after the divorce. My wife, who normally doesn't hang out late, would go out with this friend until 5am and come home drunk and full of lies about where she's been, etc. This was very abnormal for my wife and what made it worse was she was very arrogant about it. I caught my wife in a EA with an ex at this time as well, which really changed our marriage and added a level of daily tension.


You wrote this with plurals, which means your wife is a party girl possibly looking for affairs. 

You do realize the posts are still in this thread right? The three people who mentioned divorce took EVERYTHING into totality. So, I do not understand why you completely ignored and changed what they wrote. Extremely strange you are lecturing people who took your word as the truth.


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## truster (Jul 23, 2015)

sixbravebulls said:


> When I "confronted" her about the photo, she laughed and said, "I didn't put the picture up! My Mom was cleaning up in our room, found it, and put it up! I was about to take it down. F*ck that b!tch!"


So, uh.. who turned it back around when you flipped it then?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Your mil was cleaning your room? That seems bizarre. Your wife is a sahm, but her mother cleans your house? 
I am so confused.
I still think you are afraid of your wife. You were afraid to do anything about the photo and afraid to bring it up. Why? That is no way to live. Break out of your shell and learn to communicate properly with your wife, including sharing your concerns and not backing down when she is out of line. 
The fact that you did bring it up to her, shows that you do have some backbone, but rather than stewing, it is better to bring things up in a timely manner and deal with them appropriately. You have sharing that you are still upset over what your wife has done in the past, but it's not resolved, yet you continue to stew and not do anything about it.
Marriage is not supposed to be adversarial. It is supposed to be a relationship where husband and wife fully love and support each other looking out for each other's best interests.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why is her mom cleaning your house?

As for your marriage and her midlife crisis, have you read His Needs Her Needs yet? You need to.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

sixbravebulls said:


> Thanks to everyone who posted. I spoke with my wife and this should be a lesson to all:
> 
> When I "confronted" her about the photo, *she laughed and said, "I didn't put the picture up! My Mom was cleaning up in our room, found it, and put it up! I was about to take it down. F*ck that b!tch!" *
> 
> A few people advised me to serve divorce papers based solely upon the photo. We should all be careful who we listen to and follow our own inner compass. We should know that, by virtue of expressing our collective pain through our time on this site, we can all lose a sense of our own true feelings and emotions, and, instead, unknowingly become more like those who are suffering here. What I mean is this - live your own truth, not necessarily what you read here, because the people on here can ruin your life with bad advice if you are not careful.


Of course it wasn't her...it was her mom. Ok. How often does her mom clean your house and take the time to put up new pictures?

I mean...I don't know your home situation...but that just sounds strange.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

MarriedDude said:


> Of course it wasn't her...it was her mom. Ok. How often does her mom clean your house and take the time to put up new pictures?
> 
> I mean...I don't know your home situation...but that just sounds strange.


My mother in law lives about 3 blocks away.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Awful lot of red flags. The trail is cold.
Simple advice going forward.
DO NOT discount any future red flags. As to whether she had full on sex during the GNO. Flip a coin whether it did. The trail is cold.
Scenario 1) They get back to toxic friends house with two guys. Your wife chickens out after making out.
Scenario 2) They get back to toxic friends house with two guys. Your wife chickens out after getting naked.
Scenario 3) They get back to toxic friends house with two guys. Your wife chickens out before POSOM finishes pizzing off his friend.
Scenario 4) Your wife chickens out to even going to her house with a guy after agreeing to.
Scenario 5) Your wife is a member of the wrong political party.
Scenario 6) Your wife insulted toxic friends mom.
Scenario 7) Your wife saw her divorced future with toxic friend and tried to keep friend without the partying.
Scenario 8) ...
The trail is cold.
DO NOT discount any future red flags.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

sixbravebulls said:


> Nothing makes a lot of sense. Most of my friends think I'm nuts to even 'think' my wife may have had an affair. I mean, I have some serious player-type friends and they beg me hard not to think that. It's really weird to think your wife is cheating on you and have your male friends - both married and unmarried - say, "Six, you are tripping. She was just talking to the guy." *Do I really think my wife banged the other dude? 85% No. Could it be possible? Yes. If nothing else, I've seen the guy and he is physically grotesque. He may have been decent 20 years ago when they dated before she had any confidence. *
> 
> The wife came home yesterday and was super lovey dovey, so I didn't want to start the conversation. I did, however, turn the picture around backwards. She turned it back today. ;-)
> 
> I'm gonna discuss it tonight.


Doesn't mean she wasn't having sex w/ some _other_ guy.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Try to remember one VERY important thing about women who cheat. They don't look for a hot guy to jump, the way men want to bang women based on how hot they are and how men IGNORE 'ugly' women. Overall, women tend to cheat for EMOTION. Not for sex as much. In fact, very often, women will GIVE sex just so they can have the emotion for the guy. Look up any of those pickup artist books or articles on how to get a woman in bed, and it will tell you appeal to her emotions; be available; listen to her talk; make her feel special; make her feel HEARD and VALUED. Give a woman that, and you could look like Freddy Krueger and she'll still have sex with you.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I missed this:


sixbravebulls said:


> The wife came home yesterday and was super lovey dovey, so I didn't want to start the conversation. I did, however, turn the picture around backwards. She turned it back today. ;-)
> 
> I'm gonna discuss it tonight.





sixbravebulls said:


> Thanks to everyone who posted. I spoke with my wife and this should be a lesson to all:
> 
> When I "confronted" her about the photo, she laughed and said, "I didn't put the picture up! My Mom was cleaning up in our room, found it, and put it up! I was about to take it down. F*ck that b!tch!"


So if she didn’t put the picture up, why did she turn it back around and why didn’t she get rid of it? If she turned the photo back around, but she hates the woman, that makes no sense at all. Maybe she is crazy or she’s trying to drive you crazy or both. 
What has been done with the picture now? Did you throw it away?



sixbravebulls said:


> My mother in law lives about 3 blocks away.


What does you mil living six blocks away have to do with this? My mother lives in my house and she doesn't clean our room. I am a SAHM. Why on earth would I need my mother to clean up after my husband and me? That is just weird.
What does your wife do all day? The reason I ask is that it sounds like your wife has too much time on her hands. She is probably spoiled by both you and her mother and likely has an entitlement mentality. This is based on what you’ve told us.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Are you the same guy who said he had taken his W to a strip club and it helped with his sex life?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"You wrote this with plurals, which means your wife is a party girl possibly looking for affairs."

He clarified in post 14 that it was only 1 time. Don't know why he felt the need to exaggerate.

Posters will get more appropriate responses if the original post is honest and not misleading.

Having her mom help to clean your home is more of the princess mentality.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

sixbravebulls said:


> Thanks to everyone who posted. I spoke with my wife and this should be a lesson to all:
> 
> When I "confronted" her about the photo, she laughed and said, "I didn't put the picture up! My Mom was cleaning up in our room, found it, and put it up! I was about to take it down. F*ck that b!tch!"
> 
> A few people advised me to serve divorce papers based solely upon the photo. We should all be careful who we listen to and follow our own inner compass. We should know that, by virtue of expressing our collective pain through our time on this site, we can all lose a sense of our own true feelings and emotions, and, instead, unknowingly become more like those who are suffering here. What I mean is this - live your own truth, not necessarily what you read here, because the people on here can ruin your life with bad advice if you are not careful.



Amen brother. Here's another example. Only she TOOK the advice. Her life then spun out of control and the monster she was told to leave went on to happiness. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...-my-husband-lied-about-majority-his-life.html


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> He clarified in post 14 that it was only 1 time.


Maybe the way I broke my post up wasn't clear.

I did say this which is important to my point.


> The divorce comments were based on your initial post.


He didn't clarify until after MBH, S1, and Tr posted their divorce based comments. None of those posters even remotely advised this at all. 


> A few people advised me *to serve divorce papers based solely upon the photo*.


So, his admonishment is not only misplaced, concerning his situation, it is incorrect.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

sixbravebulls said:


> Thanks to everyone who posted. I spoke with my wife and this should be a lesson to all:
> 
> When I "confronted" her about the photo, she laughed and said, "I didn't put the picture up! My Mom was cleaning up in our room, found it, and put it up! I was about to take it down. F*ck that b!tch!"
> 
> A few people advised me to serve divorce papers based solely upon the photo. We should all be careful who we listen to and follow our own inner compass. We should know that, by virtue of expressing our collective pain through our time on this site, we can all lose a sense of our own true feelings and emotions, and, instead, unknowingly become more like those who are suffering here. What I mean is this - live your own truth, not necessarily what you read here, because the people on here can ruin your life with bad advice if you are not careful.


I'm not sure what you're intentions are with this thread or why you think the more harsh comments were specific to the picture. I saw a lot more advice telling you to talk to your wife about this and to also to be honest with yourself. Not about the picture but the state of your marriage considering your wife was hanging around this friend and her lifestyle and had an EA that you know of.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

CynthiaDe said:


> I missed this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


My mother in law is pretty OCD when it comes to cleaning and organizing, so she probably turned the picture back around. My mother in law is pretty much at my house with the wife all day doing whatever it is they do…girl stuff. She does have way too much time on her hands and I've told her to get her ASS a job!! She's working part time now.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> No, this is a lesson to you. Many of us told you to talk before jumping off the deep end.
> 
> LOL. This is why people implied you are afraid of your wife. There was no bad advice in this thread. The divorce comments were based on your initial post. You know the one where you said this:
> 
> ...


OK, I get it.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Thundarr said:


> I'm not sure what you're intentions are with this thread or why you think the more harsh comments were specific to the picture. I saw a lot more advice telling you to talk to your wife about this and to also to be honest with yourself. Not about the picture but the state of your marriage considering your wife was hanging around this friend and her lifestyle and had an EA that you know of.


I get it. I re-read my original post and I could see where the confusion came in. In short, the picture was a misunderstanding. The EA is still an issue, but the staying out to 5am only occurred once. As much as I still harbor anger over the EA, I'm not going to divorce over the EA, alone. Thanks for your input.


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