# Apologies.....not!



## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

Really wanted to know from everyone, but in particular the ladies, do you find it hard to apologize for things you say and/or do in general? And/or if you and your SO had a fight and he/she was really mean, even though you were still mean back just maybe not as much - do you find it hard then to apologize?

In eleven years I can count on two hands the number of times my wife has apologized to me and when I ask she says it's because I say hurtful things, which of course I did apologize for....just feels disrespectful on some level!


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I say, sorry, when I know I have said hurtful/wrong things. Or if I have done something I should't have. But generally I don't apologize when I have not done any wrong. 

We both say sorry when we fight. I hate fighting and so does my husband. We say we are sorry for yelling. 

It's not that hard and saves lots of resentment.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

McDean said:


> Really wanted to know from everyone, but in particular the ladies, do you find it hard to apologize for things you say and/or do in general? And/or if you and your SO had a fight and he/she was really mean, even though you were still mean back just maybe not as much - do you find it hard then to apologize?


No.



> In eleven years I can count on two hands the number of times my wife has apologized to me and when I ask she says it's because I say hurtful things, which of course I did apologize for....just feels disrespectful on some level!


Sounds lame to me.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I apologize when I'm wrong, or when I've said or done something hurtful, whether it was intended or not. I don't have problems admitting that I don't know things, or that I've made a mistake or was wrong. I also find it's not that hard to apologize for hurting someone, even if I don't believe I was wrong. 

My ex-husband was bad at apologies. They always had a "sorry, but..." component. Usually one that reiterated why I was being crazy, made him do it, shouldn't have been upset, etc. He basically used his "apologies" as further opportunities to either argue his point or be dismissive of me. It was exhausting. 

The inability to apologize isn't a gender issue. It's a fragile ego issue. Plenty of folks of both genders aren't secure enough in themselves to humbly apologize without the need to justify or defend.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I will apologize when I feel it's warranted, but I tend to be very careful before I speak so I don't say hurtful things very much. I watched my parents spout off at the mouth and it was very hurtful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

My ex husband rarely apologised, ex BIL and one of my brothers are the same. My dad and other brother do apologise. I apologise, my sister does as does my partner. Not a gender issue.


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

Holland said:


> My ex husband rarely apologised, ex BIL and one of my brothers are the same. My dad and other brother do apologise. I apologise, my sister does as does my partner. Not a gender issue.


Yep, apparently not a gender thing but agree with previous posts it is an ego or self-esteem thing....


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

I do apologize whenever I feel that I've done things wrong or hurt his feelings.

If I feel hurt or that he was very wrong in something then I might feel more defensive, thought he makes me feel emotionally safe to trust him to be vulnerable.

Growing up people learn that it's not about who wins or lose and that apologizing is not about losing, but rather acknowledging other people's feelings too, so I find it less and less hard to do so.


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