# Did you ever feel.........



## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

I have been going through odd feelings lately about my former relationship....
Did you ever have thoughts like "It was just a dream" - that the former relationship was just all an illusion? That it was a total sham.
Then I find myself wanting to go back to the way it was because in my mind it was okay?
I think of good times we had and then wonder if it as all real? or was it just her putting on a show?
I find it confusing sometimes as I try to sort it out for my kids - cripes I wonder what they think?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ask them!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I think ex is trying to get back with me because om cheated on her. For now after what she did that won't happen again for now


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

As far as my experience with infidelity I have to say yes to all those same feeling you are having now.

In my case I would never want to go back to the way my old marriage was, but I do feel like it was all a dream, I guess its the fact that all of the adultory my wife commited was just so unimaginable, there is no other explaination then maybe it was all a dream. 

Was the time we spent together in hotel rooms making love all day and night, getting out and walking around, playing and gambling together...all these vactions we had together seem to be an illusion....2-4 days of illusion, cuz once we got back home it was business as usual.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Yes, totally. I feel my life wasn't real, but I was in the dark for over eight years. It's a very odd and terrible feeling. Like I have a huge void in my life now. All the family pics, vacations with the kids... All seem like an illusion. And he doesn't get this, gets mad at me when I tell him this.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I went thru it for 13 years.
And the pictures...yes the picture, I catch my self looking deep into her eyes, even bringin the picture close to my face, looking for a sign of her affairs. No matter how close I bring the photes of her closer to my face I still cant see what she really was.

I think folks that never went thru this crap will never understand.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

the guy said:


> I went thru it for 13 years.
> And the pictures...yes the picture, I catch my self looking deep into her eyes, even bringin the picture close to my face, looking for a sign of her affairs. No matter how close I bring the photes of her closer to my face I still cant see what she really was.
> 
> I think folks that never went thru this crap will never understand.


Ya. I really think you have to have walked this to really grasp it. The WS doesn't even understand and he was in those pics. 

So how long have you known and how is the marriage now?

I'm one year out from knowing he cheated, a month into finding out more info. He's still lying, we're back in MC. He kept it secret for eight years. I know of one girl that was a ONS, possibly a two night stand. Another who was an EA and possibly two others. No confirmation on the later two, just suspicions.

I'm still reeling. Does that ever go away or something I'm just stuck with for life? It's like this constant physical ache I have.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

More like I had two wives. One hid inside the other, then came bursting out after 20 years...


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Ovid said:


> More like I had two wives. One hid inside the other, then came bursting out after 20 years...


I feel different. Like he was the cheater and liar all along and I just really didn't know him all these years. I don't remember the person I thought he was anymore. That's very sad.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

Ovid said:


> More like I had two wives. One hid inside the other, then came bursting out after 20 years...


funny just did an interesting quote on criptoquote - it goes

She wasnt a good girl gone bad but a bad girl found out.

kinda the way i feel.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> I feel different. Like he was the cheater and liar all along and I just really didn't know him all these years. I don't remember the person I thought he was anymore. That's very sad.


In a lot of ways that's what I meant. There's just more to it. Turns out there were a lot of things going on in her head that never saw the light of day until she was telling them to the OM. It was like seeing the real her come out of a puppet.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

bigtone128 said:


> Did you ever have thoughts like "It was just a dream" - that the former relationship was just all an illusion? That it was a total sham.


Yep. All the time. Sometimes I wonder if I imagined my entire marriage... It's like a ghost now. Someone else's life.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Yep. All the time. Sometimes I wonder if I imagined my entire marriage... It's like a ghost now. Someone else's life.


What makes this really difficult for me is the very years I feel are no longer real were the very years my children were young and growing up. This makes me very mad and sad. Literally my oldest daughter's entire elementary and middle school years I was in the dark.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Sometimes it feels like a dream... a bad dream that is. Thankfully, I woke up. and their is still life left.

WD


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

tom67 said:


> I think ex is trying to get back with me because om cheated on her. For now after what she did that won't happen again for now




Good!

Hope she is hurting.

So that green green grass on the other side of the fence is actually parched and full of weeds. What a surprise.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Good!
> 
> Hope she is hurting.
> 
> So that green green grass on the other side of the fence is actually parched and full of weeds. What a surprise.


Lots of nasty biting fire ant mounds on there too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

Tone. Just read your story. What a horrible women.

I think what is going on with her is that she took the plunge and choose a scary yet exciting life with this other guy. Unsurprisingly things probably didn't turn out like she expected.

When she saw you at your sons graduation she was probably having second thoughts about leaving you. That's why she was all dolled up and upset when you didn't respond to her. When she insisted on you coming back with her, that was her hail mary last chance to win you over.

She was probably had plans to do all kinds of indecent things to you that night to try and woo you back, but I don't blame you for shooting her down.

Since her last chance failed, she probably figured she has no one left but the other man. The reason she hasn't signed the divorce papers yet is because things are probably not perfect for her right now. And the fantasy of things working out with you, no matter how remote, is keeping her from signing.

If you really want to see, start dating other women and let word of this get back to your wife. If you are not ready to date yet, even a photoshopped Facebook post of you with another women will probably shake her to the core and cause her to panic.

I am generally not in favor of playing games like this, but it sounds like your wife has cruely prevented you from getting closure. If she won't at least grant you your freedom, it's time to smoke her out of her cave.


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