# I hate



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I hate that my stbxw did this to me, that I don't matter to her, that she is breaking up our family, that she made me feel disposable after 11 years. Agh!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Alwaysconfused (Feb 18, 2010)

Hey guy. Hang in there. My wife just decided to tell me that she wanted to be separated on Feb. 13th in a counseling session. Really? Right before Valentine's Day?

I too feel disposable but I am going to keep moving forward for me and my son. We deserve it and you deserve the respect as a human being also. Good Luck.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> I hate that my stbxw did this to me, that I don't matter to her, that she is breaking up our family, that she made me feel disposable after 11 years. Agh!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hate is good. It means you are beginning to emotionally detach from your moron wife. Rejoice that you are starting to build your armor against her. In a few months the hate will turn into acceptance and acceptance into apathy. Then you'll be free of her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> I hate that my stbxw did this to me, that I don't matter to her, that she is breaking up our family, that she made me feel disposable after 11 years. Agh!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just like with me, yours seems to be an out and out case of emotional abandonment whatever the root cause of her case may be. I know precisely what it is that you're dealing with; and I totally sympathize with you. Hang in there, my friend!


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Hate is good. It means you are beginning to emotionally detach from your moron wife. Rejoice that you are starting to build your armor against her. In a few months the hate will turn into acceptance and acceptance into apathy. Then you'll be free of her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is either the wisest or the dumbest thing I've heard since this process began for me. I'm going with wisest.:smthumbup:


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I think hate is just the natural part of our grieving process. I don't like how my H is acting toward me or the kids. I what I do appreciate is that I am not alone w/ my feelings my friends and family (older children included here) have lost respect for him as well. 

We will know we are in a good place when we can get to the indifferent place. Hate/Love are too closely related that line is so freakin' thin, I cross over it daily (going both ways) swerving constantly.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I hate the fact that after 17 years of us loving each other that he had a 6 week EA and gave up on us. That I am the one still fighting to save our marriage. But he has given up on our family and taken the cowards way out. I hate him for it. But.......I'm still fighting!! X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

@daisy.....good luck, I will say a prayer for you.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Thankyou. Same here. Been reading your posts but haven't posted for a few days myself. This life really stinks at the moment. My thoughts are with you too xx
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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

You know, this is a guy's perspective, but women all seem to want the fairytale, prince charming, but it seems that lately more women have been pulling the whole "I fell out of love with you line" from what I read on the board, can't understand it.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I think these boards have a high ratio of male posters who have had the 'speach'. I don't know why that is. H and I have had the usual ups and downs of an 18 year marriage. Kids, finances etc etc but our love for each other got us through it. That was MY fairy tale. Our love! But now it's gone and I would do anything to get it back!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

God I would love to turn back the clock so I can have one more "romantic" night with my wife, kiss her, look into her eyes, hold her forever.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> I think these boards have a high ratio of male posters who have had the 'speach'. I don't know why that is. H and I have had the usual ups and downs of an 18 year marriage. Kids, finances etc etc but our love for each other got us through it. That was MY fairy tale. Our love! But now it's gone and I would do anything to get it back!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me too. 
I kept telling H at the beginning of this 'fight' that love will get us through this. I'd tell my older kids, we'll work it out we love each other. Family can survive horrible tragedies if we stick together... he left. No sticking together now. He may find out that he will end up very lonely. The kids no (now or later depending on age) who left the family unit, the selfish one, the person who wouldn't work on making things work, continue to damage us all a little more. If they don't know right away they will as they grow up and examine what's going on.

I got the speech btw in the fight... then he won't even say he loves me just cares about me... He really doesn't even care about me (he just tells himself that so he doesn't feel like such a jerk)


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Mamatomany: we are in the same boat. I always thought 'love wld conquer all' and it hurts to think that he has just given up. We have been through so much over the years and we survived the lot. But not this time. He rolled over and gave up. He cares about me!!! WTF! I don't want his pity. I want his love and his passion. I still believe in my marriage vows. I don't know this man. He has changed so much.
Hugs to you xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yeah I told my wife today that I thought I had enough love to get through for both of us, guess I was wrong. 

What first attracted me to her was that she said she wanted to be a mom and a wife, I always thought family came first, I guess the family is her and the kids, not me involved anymore.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

hey proud it's not just women, my H is the one wanting to go find the fairytale life after 20 years -- i am also in the hate stage! hating his parents as well, for not doing a better job connecting with their own kids, not to sound cruel but they are unemotional self involved people. gee sounds like H! btw i hope that's true about hate being a good sign...


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I cycle through the stages all the time, hate, denial, begging, despair, it's a wild rollercoaster ride.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

btw AlwaysConfused, you're not the only victim of bad timing... H is moving out the day after our 20th annv....


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Speaking of timing, I got to move out 12/21/11, what a nice Christmas present huh? It was tough because I did come back to spend the night CHristmas Eve so I could be there Christmas Morning. Awkward, just one month earlier my stbxw was proclaiming how madly in love with me she was, how she knew she wanted me in her life forever, grow old with me. God I would give anything to turn back the hands of time to get one more night with her. One more day of normalcy, waking up on a Sunday, making the kids their pancakes for breakfast, making coffee for her and I, reading the newspaper. I tell everyone now please don't take anything for granted, you just don't know when you will have the life pulled out from underneath you.


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