# marriage difficulties



## Leah (Jan 13, 2008)

I have been married for three years. We just had a baby in June. We are having serious relationship issues. We no longer communicate and have intimacy issues. We have started couples therapy about a month ago. It seems to me that the relationship is getting worse. We are also in the same house, which is very difficult. I am ready to give up, but I think that giving up is the easy thing to do. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you


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## Leah (Jan 13, 2008)

I am adding to my last post. I am looking for some tips that doesn't cost money. We keep having conversations that go around and around. I want answers and he is unable to give them to me. He says that are relationship works, but it is broken. We both have no idea why this has happened.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

You can do several things but they all take true commitment.

You can have a person talk you through sessions together. It can be clergy, a friend (mutual) or online.

You can talk through email too, that way questions can be asked without hasty answers.

draconis


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## Leah (Jan 13, 2008)

We keep going around in circles. We are in couples therapy. Are you suggesting using email instead of talking face to face? Thanks


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Both are good however, when you start to talk in circles there is a problem because things do not get resolved to move on to the next step.

By ADDING email conversations you ask something he answers, you can really look at what he is saying and ask something based on that to be clarified or move in deep towards a solution.

Mostly you have to learn how to draw a conversation to solutions. After a while you'll see better ways to communicate face to face too.

The more ways you communicate the better off you are.

draconis


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## Leah (Jan 13, 2008)

Thank you very much for your assistance. I will try that.
Leah


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## Kate (Jan 14, 2008)

Are you sure hes not giving you the answers? Or is he not giving you the answers you want to hear? To be honest... I think from the tone of your posts the relationship is over... I know that sounds harsh but your baby is picking up on ever negative vibe in your house right now and its not fair to do that. Sometimes giving up isn't the easy thing to do. Sometimes its the best thing to do.


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## chrisanna (Jan 12, 2008)

it dos seem that men seem to have the same issues worldwide, they keep quiet whwn they know the truth will answer in a way you do not want to hear.

i would never say leave, however, i will say this. 
men and women are different, however, humans are not....
when you do not answer a question it means 2 things - the truth is the exact opposite of wht th opposite party wants to hear OR you cant be bothered to consider what your silence means.

now, seeing as you are getting prefessional help, that's somewhat a good thing at least he is participating.

At the end of the day, he who wears th shoe knows how it pinches, so u need to evaluate what te pros are vis a vis the cons. you are clearly not happy. question is if tings stay the way they are - will you be happy. wil it be the best thing for te baby. what sort of dad is he? if you wont be happy then yu need to be making serious decisions. peolple never really change.


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## Sofia (Jan 19, 2008)

Hi Leah,

I am in the same boat as you are. We got married had a baby she is almost 1 now. We did separate for 2.5months. We are back together now. I am going to counselling and he isn't. He has finally stopped drinking so much and he doesn't stay at work longer than he needs to, but we are still have communication problems, and they seem to be getting worse and worse everyday. I have tried using "I" statements and all this other counselling techniques, and nothing works. He doesn't truly listen to me and he has become less and less helpful to me with our baby. I feel sad alot lately and I don't feel like we even have a relationship anymore accept when we yell at each other. I don't know what to do either, because he won't even go to counselling with me.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Sofia said:


> Hi Leah,
> 
> I am in the same boat as you are. We got married had a baby she is almost 1 now. We did separate for 2.5months. We are back together now. I am going to counselling and he isn't. He has finally stopped drinking so much and he doesn't stay at work longer than he needs to, but we are still have communication problems, and they seem to be getting worse and worse everyday. I have tried using "I" statements and all this other counselling techniques, and nothing works. He doesn't truly listen to me and he has become less and less helpful to me with our baby. I feel sad alot lately and I don't feel like we even have a relationship anymore accept when we yell at each other. I don't know what to do either, because he won't even go to counselling with me.


Sofia, start another thread tacking your situation onto another post is hijacking it and often one or the other gets lost. I would really love to hear more about your relationship and hope more people can respond to you.

draconis


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