# Heartbroken and wanting to heal



## mygracie60 (Jan 12, 2010)

I have been married close to 15 years now blessed with 3 wonderful kids now. My husband and I started our life together in HIM. He was my first and I (supposedly), his last. My marriage is not a fairy tale with a "happily ever after" the wedding but it certainly isn't chaotic until 5 years ago.
He was then working for a company that sends him overseas 50%-80% a year while I stayed home to care for our children 24/7. I thought our marriage was solid strong that we were able to handle it well. Although, all those years I always have doubts because he comes home with leftover rubbers and medications for enhancements (which can be bought overseas without prescriptions). I have been asking him if he has ever cheated on me and always the answer is "no, I haven't". I wanted to believe him so I just take his word and listen to his lies that the rubbers were just given and so are the medications from his co-workers.
Until 2 weeks before Christmas, with the "Tiger Woods affair" going on, I was very upset that he was defending Mr. Woods affair as possibly because.....etc.....all the excuses he can think of. So I got suspicious and asked him again if he has ever cheated on me and told him that I'd rather hear it from him than from somebody else. Now, he started to open up.....and it all started with him getting "lonely" on his trips. Oh, how I felt like being stabbed a thousand times after hearing his rendezvous with the other women. And he cheated on me too while I was pregnant with our 3rd child. It didn't happen once with just one woman but more than once and with several women too. I never thought he'd do such things as this because our sex life has been wonderful until now. I have never denied him when he wants it even when I'm already tired. I stayed healthy, fit and dresses up to his liking so he won't find other women desirable. He even tried to hit on my bestfriend knowing that my bestfriend's marriage is crumbling. He said he cried and was sorry about it all and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Everytime, I have some questions and asks him, he gets mad and says that he wants to move on and that I'm bitter that I want to keep on asking more questions that I can't even handle. He feels like he doesn't owe me any explanations on when and why? While I wanted to know because if I can help it that it won't happen again then I'll try to help him not to be tempted again. If I was the reason then what have I done so we can change it and work on our marriage. Since asking him would just leads to anger, I just resigned to crying it in the shower almost everyday. I wanted to go to a marriage counselor but I know he won't because for him that is the past and shouldn't be digged up again. He says he's sorry but it's hard for me to believe him. I want to heal and I want my marriage to work. With all his flaws and rough edges, I have come to love and care for him deeply. I still love him despite of it all but I wanted to trust him too. Love is trust but how on earth can I do that everytime his work sends him away on conferences? He has doesn't like to wear our wedding ring (until now because I asked him to) before because he says it gets out of shape when he holds a tool in his hand or plays golf. How do I heal quietly from this?


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## Just_Venting (Jan 12, 2010)

Sweetie you are not going to heal for a while. He is using you. Playing the MALE power role. "I said I am sorry and I meant it. Now drop it". 

He just admitted it to get off his chest. He is still doing it and will continue to do it. You are his punching bag..

I am a man but I would tell you to not say another word about it....Go get the best attorney you could get and get him removed from you live.

Let him pay for what he has done. Not just $$$ but emotionally too. If you are hurt then your children are going to be hurt.

You should not have to cry in the shower.

My ex wife did the same thing that your husband did. I was out of town working and she was at our home in our bed with another man. This happend 1 year after we had a baby boy!!

The wedding ring deal is a bunch of crap. I wear mine no matter what I am doing... Playing golf??? He should be wearing a golf glove on his hand.

I would go get tested for an STD too. You never know who he has been with or who the women he has been with have been with.

You sound like a very sweet and caring woman. Don't allow yourself to be someone's doormat!!! Stand up for yourself and your children. You don't want them acting like that!

Remember this..... You can't make him do what you want him to do or be the man he needs to be. He is GOING TO DO WHAT HE WANTS!

All you can do now is take care of YOU and those children. You will not truly heal until you are out of an unhealthy relationship.

I am here if you need to talk.

Best wishes.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Honey, I have to agree. When my H's affair finally came out, he was willing to tell me anything I wanted to know, just because I told him if he lied to me I was gone. Anything I asked. I don't care if I walk up today and ask him. It has been 3 months, but if I want to know then he better tell me. 
I know the pain you are in, I too cried in the shower directly after finding out. It isn't going to make things better by ignoring it though. Sometimes you have to worry about just you and the kids, and realize that they have made their choice. I would at least consider an ultimatum of some sort. Either we go to counseling and you keep it in your pants or I am gone.


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## mygracie60 (Jan 12, 2010)

Thank you for your advices. I greatly appreciate it. 

Just_Venting: I know it's easier for me to just walk away but it's harder for me to see my kids suffer. They don't know what's going on as we are very discreet when we have arguments. He wanted to change and promised not to cheat again. I'll have to give him a second chance at least. Thank you once again.

DawnD: I'll take up your advice on this too.To give him an ultimatum. Thanks.


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## Just_Venting (Jan 12, 2010)

You do what YOU feel you need to do. I am just giving my opinion from experience.

Unfortunately you are emotionally damaged. You don't have good self esteem. It is men like him that make women treat guys like me bad. Once they get scarred they are scarred for life.

I sincerely wish you the best. 

You are making a mistake staying for the kids. Mark my words. 

Be blessed


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

You deserve much better. Please don't allow yourself to feel alone. The more you hide your feelings and experience from others the more you will hurt yourself. Go with what your heart and gut tell you. You deserve better.


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