# New person here...



## Wishitwasbetter (Jul 24, 2020)

Hi, new to this site. I’ve been unhappy in my 29 yr(!) marriage for some time (at least 5 yrs). I can’t seem to decide to end it. And now, especially with the pandemic, it seems impossible.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

Welcome to TAM. What's the story? Why are you unhappy?


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## Wishitwasbetter (Jul 24, 2020)

Thanks. The story is that my unhappiness stems from the superficial nature of the relationship. Communication has mostly been conflict avoidant. The various times of going to couples therapy (at my behest) have not brought about any lasting change. My own therapist (whom I had seen prior to the pandemic) suggested I may have to accept that my spouse is not the person I thought I married and that they may be incapable of growing, as well. A big reason I can’t decide to end the marriage is that I have not worked since my children were young, while my spouse has been the sole earner, (recently retired). It’s a financially comfortable life where I can do what I want (basically, within reason- not anything extravagant), but splitting finances will make a significant difference in that lifestyle. My life feels so small, empty, lonely and unfulfilling, both emotionally as well as sexually. As a risk avoidant, the unknown aspect of “life after divorce” keeps me in limbo.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

I'm sorry. You've done your part but the other person has to want to change and right now, they don't. While things can go either way, that doesn't mean that they're not incapable of change but in any case, I hope things work out for you.


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