# Resentment



## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

How do you let go of things that have made you resent your spouse especially if this was something that you constantly spoke to your spouse about and they did not listen or blame shifted?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Heh, I listen and accept responsibility and apologized for my part in things. She continued to resent, and take no responsibility for her part. So I'm on the other side of your dilemma.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

anony2 said:


> How do you let go of things that have made you resent your spouse especially if this was something that you constantly spoke to your spouse about and they did not listen or blame shifted?


Acceptance and forgiveness, also getting into some counseling may help too, They can help you learn ways to be accepting and to forgive, so you can move on whether its to stay in the marriage or not.


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Drover said:


> Heh, I listen and accept responsibility and apologized for my part in things. She continued to resent, and take no responsibility for her part. So I'm on the other side of your dilemma.


You know, I see all kinds of descriptions of resentment, but I see nothing on how to let it go. 

I would give anything to just let it go, but I feel this pent up fire breathing dragon called resentment in the pit of my stomach that wants to be released and I do not know how. 

I know that I had a problem holding things in before I married my husband, so this is not his fault for me having a problem letting it go. 

Sometimes, I just wish my husband would say "I understand why you are so pissed", he doesn't have to agree with it, just understand it. 

Maybe this is what it is: I have unreleased feelings that are associated with the circumstances and instead of telling him how I felt, I turned them inwards. :scratchhead:


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Here are a few links you might be interested in. Also, know its not something that is going to happen overnight. Also, if you find it very difficult to let go, it might be best to just move on from the marriage and work on you. For some people thats hard to do while still married. 

3 Keys To Letting Go Of Resentment In Your Marriage | World of Psychology

Six ways to let go of resentments, move past old hurts, and forgive. - The Happiest Mom


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> Here are a few links you might be interested in. Also, know its not something that is going to happen overnight. Also, if you find it very difficult to let go, it might be best to just move on from the marriage and work on you. For some people thats hard to do while still married.
> 
> 3 Keys To Letting Go Of Resentment In Your Marriage | World of Psychology
> 
> Six ways to let go of resentments, move past old hurts, and forgive. - The Happiest Mom


Thank you CallaLily! I will check these out.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

As CallaL advised, I left. I could not get past the resentment until I physically removed myself from the marriage. There are a few specific instances that still pop into my head occasionally, but distance (2,700 miles apart), and time have made the crap my husband pulled seem like faded memories. Sure, I'll never forget some of the outright crazy things he pulled, but I've let go of my anger. 

I find it far more fruitful to spend time discovering why I put up with his insanity for so long, and how to avoid the same type of people in my life now.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

anony2 said:


> Maybe this is what it is: *I have unreleased feelings that are associated with the circumstances and instead of telling him how I felt, I turned them inwards.* :scratchhead:


Seems like now is the time to release those feelings, talk it out until you can't talk anymore.
Your husband can't listen if you don't talk. 
Pent up feelings are damaging & can lead to all kinds of mental & physical health issues.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

anony2 said:


> You know, I see all kinds of descriptions of resentment, but I see nothing on how to let it go.
> 
> I would give anything to just let it go, but I feel this pent up fire breathing dragon called resentment in the pit of my stomach that wants to be released and I do not know how.
> 
> ...


Best way to get rid of resentment is to take a long hard look at yourself and realize the stuff you despise about your spouse is also stuff you're doing.

It really does take two.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

I resented the hell out of my wife's behavior for 10 years, then just decided to stop. It doesn't hurt her. It was hurting me. Now I'm trying to show her that too. She has all kinds of things pent up, not just toward me but lots of people, particularly her family and my family. We all have faults and holding everyone's faults against them is just a waste of time and emotional energy.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Best way to get rid of resentment is to take a long hard look at yourself and realize the stuff you despise about your spouse is also stuff you're doing.


That doesn't make sense to me. Mind explaining how?


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## LastChanceMaryJane (Jun 25, 2012)

Lately I find myself resenting everyone, which could be due to my personality disorder (BPD), but I'm mostly concerned with the resentment that is growing for my husband. While I've always been on his case for not doing something (putting away his clothes, picking up his trash, paying his bills on time, feeding the dogs, etc.), it's only been in the last two months since he's become a SSGT that I've been feeling completely withdrawn. Now that he has more responsibilities, it seems like he's never home. When he is home, he doesn't want to do chores or anything like that, which I find understandable. However, I am temporarily supervising at the restaurant where I work, and I've been working 9 hour days five days a week also. So now, we're both being lazy and neither of us are tending to the upkeep of our house, dogs, or even our marriage. We used to have sex at least three times a week (that was when we were in lulls). Now we might have sex once a week. I feel like I'm not being there for my husband physically because it's clear he needs physical affection to affirm my love for him, but since we hardly get to see each other, I just want to be romanced. He doesn't do any of the sweet things for me that he used to do. Right now I'm parking my car outside because there are two cars parked in the garage, and the other day he didn't even bother to unlock the front door for me even though he was sitting right inside watching TV and I had text him before I drove 30 minutes to get home. I just want some consideration, but as it's been pointed out, I know I'm not giving him what he needs either. In fact, I'm almost hateful and completely without compassion toward him. He's my only best friend, the love of my life, and he has always been loving and good to me, yet I find myself always angry toward him and resenting him for putting so much time into his job where he gets no reward or acknowledgement for his hard work other than his (barely covering it) paycheck. I'm worried that we are going to fall apart. This October marks our third year of marriage, and that's not good enough for me. I want to fix this. I want us to work it out and come to some kind of middle ground.


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