# Did you stay in your home or buy another?



## fresh_start (Jul 25, 2013)

I am currently divorcing my husband and am considering my options with the family home. We are in mediation to help us come to an agreement concerning the children 6 and 8 and finances. He is currently living in an apartment and I am considering selling our home, dividing the equity and buying a cheaper home in a more rural area.

I cannot afford to buy him out and would prefer to have a clean break from him. 

*Pros for selling:*
-not reminded by him in every room as we have done much work on the house and garden together.
-have a cheaper house and lower mortgage
- We have only been here 3 years and no particular attachment to the house or area.
- many memories of his lying and cheating. fruitless hours spent waiting for him to come home. also many memories of our fun times.
- independence
- nicer area, further out of town


*Cons for selling:*
- Children would still go to same primary school and we would have 1/2 hr commute. I work nearby to their school.
- I wonder if I am taking away stability in their life by making us move. 

I do want to put my children's needs first but then I have to be a happy parent to be able to do this.

Anyone who has gone through this what did you decide?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Not exactly the same, as my ex did buy me out (either one of us could have bought out the other, but I wanted to get out for much the same reasons you gave). 
My son, who was almost 9 at the time I moved into a rental, had to start a new school in the area where I moved. So, he dealt with our split, a new school and me living in a new place. That was a lot, but we did a lot to try to pay attention to his feelings. He had some stress about not having just one room/one home, but I dealt with it by engaging him on decorating the room the way he wanted (as much as possible in a rental, lol), and that helped a lot. Having the same school will be really helpful in your case. Plus, you'll be working nearby if they need you. 

You are right. A lot of it is your attitude. If you let them know that a move is something you are feeling positive about, and that you will do your best to make it positive for them, too, it will go a long way to help them feel at ease.

My son has always had a really hard time dealing with change, difference in routine, etc. It all went much more smoothly than I could have hoped. I think it really helped that I treated it as a cool adventure, rather than like a death of our family and leaving our family home. (and believe me, I did feel some of that inside, but I did my best to deal with that away from him)

The most important thing is that the 3 of you still have each other. Good luck!


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## fresh_start (Jul 25, 2013)

Thanks Angel, I did enjoy reading your posts about your new home. Very inspirational. I might go back and reread! 

I am enjoying the possibilities of my new beginning and think staying in the house with all these memories of our family will be too much. I now understand how my anger and rage over the adultery is toxic to both myself and the children. I want to be free but do not want to be reminded of him in every room of our house. I know he will always be a part of their life as their father.


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## don'tmesswithtexas (Jul 18, 2013)

STBX and I are considering keeping our house for 2 more years until our eldest graduates high school and I told him we could have it written into the divorce decree to sell and to split the proceeds accordingly. He can either live here as a roommate or move out once my truck is paid off in 8 months.
He is seriously considering it as I told him the house payment is cheaper than rental houses/apartments for the space plus the kids could have less trauma of US moving into a new place at the same time STBX moves into a new house once the divorce is final.
I think we can be roommates because we are civil and I have the upstairs master BR and he uses our son's room or sleeps on the couch. Plus he doesn't cook and I do prepare all the meals.
We will see how our attorneys approach it once we talk settlement.


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