# How important is the act of intercourse to you.



## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Knock on wood [no pun] everything is still working good,but Reading all the questions about ED/PE this question came to mind, since there is oral,fingers,hands,toys and some can use feet why is no intercourse seen as this huge issues when there are many other ways to arouse or get your partner off. 

The same question for men since some women find intercourse painful or are not into it ,would other acts on a consitent basis keep you happy.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

SO and I have had this discussion and agree that while we simply adore PIV we have plenty of fun in other ways. So if PE or whatever was an issue then we would still manage to have a rocking sex life. I am mid 40's and he is in his 50's so it is a possibility in the future but that is OK.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

It is specified in my marriage oath, so yes from religious-legal standpoint it is important and I must make an effort to do it with my wife at a regular basis, if I want my marriage to stay valid in the eyes of law and religion.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Oh my gosh on a scale of 1 to 10 it is a 12! There is nothing that can take the place of PIV for me and I'm pretty sure husband feels the same. Toys to each his own but it seems empty of intimacy and emotional bonding to me. Masturbation I never got. It can't take the place of my man. Don't know how my husband feels about it. Porn yuck and degrading. Oral we don't like taste and never want my husband to do that on me. But I've gotten to the point that I REALLY. REALLY Want to give him. A BJ but don't know how to bring it up to him and don't know how he would feel about me not wanting to receive.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

The reason I asked this question is because there are people who cannot have intercourse so is that a deal breaker or would you be OK doing and learning other things. 

If a man could not get hard/PE and his wife is not into oral or toys what what is left ?


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> The reason I asked this question is because there are people who cannot have intercourse so is that a deal breaker or would you be OK doing and learning other things.
> 
> If a man could not get hard/PE and his wife is not into oral or toys what what is left ?


You already answered that question,hands, fingers, feet. I would add breasts. 

PIV is the meat, everything else is an appetizer, side dish or dessert. If there is no meat available one could survive and probably get accustomed to just the others but would not be as healthy or satisfied.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> The reason I asked this question is because there are people who cannot have intercourse so is that a deal breaker or would you be OK doing and learning other things.
> 
> If a man could not get hard/PE and his wife is not into oral or toys what what is left ?


I don't think I could do toys or anything that did not directly involve my husband's body (self gratification, etc). We would have to learn to enjoy oral both ways.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

PIV is the cake. All the rest is icing. The real deal is always my preference. That said...if I had been with someone for a long time and PIV is not possible for some reason, yes I would do without and find other ways. If I was just dating and this was the issue, it would be a deal breaker.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Intercourse is mostly emotional & all the other ways are just physical. There are countless ways to reach an orgasm but only one to emotionally bind to each other. If there is reason, health or otherwise you can't have sex, you can still make it but you won't be as close.


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## jennysmith (Jan 23, 2013)

Very important.

Mostly for the feeling of closeness.

I usually enjoy the feeling of oral better (I come that way 95% of the time). But I am not ready to give up intercourse


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Intercourse is very important to us but we are realistic enough to know there are other ways to connect and bond sexually if one or both people couldn't have actual intercourse for whatever reason.


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## jennysmith (Jan 23, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Intercourse is very important to us but we are realistic enough to know there are other ways to connect and bond sexually if one or both people couldn't have actual intercourse for whatever reason.


yes, of course! if there are issues preventing this, we can adjust and find ways to connect intimately and emotionally and physically


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## johonmirae (Jan 27, 2013)

There is nothing that can take the place of PIV for me and I'm pretty sure husband feels the same


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

johonmirae said:


> There is nothing that can take the place of PIV for me and I'm pretty sure husband feels the same


What will you do if one of you can't manage PIV someday?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dubbizle said:


> Knock on wood [no pun] everything is still working good,but Reading all the questions about ED/PE this question came to mind, since there is oral,fingers,hands,toys and some can use feet why is no intercourse seen as this huge issues when there are many other ways to arouse or get your partner off.
> 
> The same question for men since some women find intercourse painful or are not into it ,would other acts on a consitent basis keep you happy.


Medical issues aside, while other acts are fine in between intercourse, intercourse to me is fundamental. Having intercourse is having sex. The others are certainly sexual activity and have great value but they are not a substitute for sex ... unless there is a medical reason.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

Sex for me is all about emotional intimacy I have with my partner, and I can get that intimacy through lots of other outlets. Actual intercourse not being an option would not be an issue for me.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

It is extremely important to both of us. Nothing can match the closeness, the intimacy, the feeling of PIV. For me, since one of my love languages is physical touch, nothing can match feeling her in my arms, feeling my P in her V, the kissing, and looking deeply into her eyes as we orgasm. I could have a hand job every night and still crave the intimacy that can only be achieved through intercourse.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> Knock on wood [no pun] everything is still working good,but Reading all the questions about ED/PE this question came to mind, since there is oral,fingers,hands,toys and some can use feet why is no intercourse seen as this huge issues when there are many other ways to arouse or get your partner off.
> 
> The same question for men since some women find intercourse painful or are not into it ,would other acts on a consitent basis keep you happy.


I didn't read the other posts, so I may be repeating here.

For me, it's not about what other men or women like. It's about what I like and my partner likes. And honestly, there is something almost mesmerizing being inside your partner, your lover, your wife (or future wife in my case) AND being able to look her in the eyes that can't be captured any other way.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and I believe that. Anyone can say I love You, but it's hard to fake an I Love You look from the eyes, so to be inside your partner, sharing yourself and having them share themselves with you while sharing that special gaze that only two people in love can share is one of the most binding moments I have ever experienced.

It's like one moment, where the body and soul of each person becomes intertwined, and two truly become one.

I have never experienced an other sex act that comes even remotely close to this.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

woundedwarrior said:


> Intercourse is mostly emotional & all the other ways are just physical. There are countless ways to reach an orgasm but only one to emotionally bind to each other. If there is reason, health or otherwise you can't have sex, you can still make it but you won't be as close.


Not so in our house. Yes PIV is an amazing emotional experience but we can have sessions that last for ages, don't involve PIV and are extremely bonding. 

We have had kissing sessions that were amazing and as bonding as any form of sex i have had. 

We can have a quickie, just PIV and while it is fun, it is not that emotionally bonding.

Each couple is different.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Holland said:


> We have had kissing sessions that were amazing and as bonding as any form of sex i have had.


Oh yeah, this. Kind of forgot about our "heavy petting" during halftime of football games. We're so silly. LOL!

We had lost the french kissing during sex itself, but thanks to a TAM question about french kissing, it's now back in.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

For me, intercourse with my wife, is the closeness, warmth, oneness, the sensation, softness, the sex and orgasms, the emotional connection. It's everything for me, not just cold empty sex. I could never just do a one night stand or friends with benefits. Just not in me.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

If I needed a pill to have sex I'd probably be so ****ing depressed about it I wouldn't WANT to have sex (but I'm a chick so who cares what I think?) I'm also 20 so the idea is nothing short of mortifying to me, those commercials on TV for all the pills creep me the hell out. The commercials are just freaking...unnerving. "Hi....you want to get jiggly with your wife...take this pill..." And then it's like two ancient (one commercial the dude had a walker) people staring out over a lake or something and giving each other the sexy eyes in plain view of random passerby. No thank you. I told my fiancé the day he needs Viagra on a consistent basis, it's time to hang it up. It's clearly a sign from God. Lol. His tongue will still work at 65.

I don't see the hoopla about PIV. I still have a mouth and so does he. Yes, it's bonding but I wouldn't die.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

When I can't do it anymore, I will be ready to be put down!


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Thound said:


> When I can't do it anymore, I will be ready to be put down!


:rofl:

I'm not a man but I have a feeling when my partner can't do it without 20 + minutes of fluffing, I'm not gonna wanna do it either.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

enoughisenough said:


> Important. I don't always need it but penetration seems to satisfy a physical need that other methods do not. Inability to do so is not a deal breaker for me though.


Very inspiring! :smthumbup: 

I agree completely! Mrs. EnoughisEnough is able to summary PIV in just 3 lines of words. Simple but deep! :smthumbup:

- The recognition that PIV is important and serve a purpose
- The recognition that getting along without PIV is possible

Young people might not understand this, but, as we get older...Isn't it wonderful to be able to cuddle and satisfy each other without needing Viagra/lubrication? And with less energy requirements too. Orgasm and intimacy without the logistical headaches. Erection not necessary (if it's difficult to achieve, the act of mutual satisfaction could still continue). Getting wet not necessary. What is needed is a genuine intention to please the partner. Wonderful!

Thank you for the inspiration, Mrs. EnoughisEnough.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Specifically PIV? Important, but not the centerpiece. We have so many different ways we enjoy sex, and my wife gets off in several different ways, so we've at times had plenty of sex, but have gone weeks without PIV specifically.

Usually if we've gone too long, she'll be the one who brings it up because she's very penetration-centric.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Remember the question was if [you could NOT/NO WAY because of HD/ED or a Vaginal Issue] have PIV would would be OK with that and happy with other sexual acts.

For me I could handle it if my wife could not have PIV since we do like our toys.Oral and everything else.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I used to think that intercourse was the be all and endall of sex and that a long term relationship could not last without it.

However over the last five years my wifes health has been getting worse so even when sex has been possible for her it has given her more pain than pleasure. The last time we tried intercourse (Easter 2011) just ended with us both in tears as I hate the thought of coursing her pain. 
I have learned to go without intercourse. We still share a bed, kiss and cuddle, even a bit of gentle petting every now and then just happy to be with each other.

I thought that living in a "sexless" mariage would be a problem for me but in truth it is not, I can find time to "sort myself out" and I would not trade living with my wife and children for or any amount of intercourse.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Wiltshireman-What about her breast [TF]? if you know what that mean just use lube there is also Oral,Hjs and non-penitrating sex toys ect.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Wiltshireman said:


> I used to think that intercourse was the be all and endall of sex and that a long term relationship could not last without it.
> 
> However over the last five years my wifes health has been getting worse so even when sex has been possible for her it has given her more pain than pleasure. The last time we tried intercourse (Easter 2011) just ended with us both in tears as I hate the thought of coursing her pain.
> I have learned to go without intercourse. We still share a bed, kiss and cuddle, even a bit of gentle petting every now and then just happy to be with each other.
> ...



There are lots of ways to have sex without engaging the vagina. So why is your marriage still sexless?


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

dubbizle said:


> Wiltshireman-What about her breast [TF]? if you know what that mean just use lube there is also Oral,Hjs and non-penitrating sex toys ect.


I would be happy to try forms of non penitrative sex but as my wife is a strict Catholic (No sex outside of mariage and 5 children in the first 14 years) who considers helping me in "spilling your seed upon the ground" to be a big no no it is not something I would presure her to do. (She has done this for me in the past but she was guilt stricken afterwards). 
Because of this we find it better not to arouse me to a point were I might loose self control. I do masterbate but not when my wife is precent (my sin my guilt as far as she is concerned). 

For myself sexual gratification is a big "want" but it is not a "need".


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> If I needed a pill to have sex I'd probably be so ****ing depressed about it I wouldn't WANT to have sex (but I'm a chick so who cares what I think?) I'm also 20 so the idea is nothing short of mortifying to me, those commercials on TV for all the pills creep me the hell out. The commercials are just freaking...unnerving. "Hi....you want to get jiggly with your wife...take this pill..." And then it's like two ancient (one commercial the dude had a walker) people staring out over a lake or something and giving each other the sexy eyes in plain view of random passerby. No thank you. * I told my fiancé the day he needs Viagra on a consistent basis, it's time to hang it up. It's clearly a sign from God. Lol. His tongue will still work at 65.*
> 
> I don't see the hoopla about PIV. I still have a mouth and so does he. Yes, it's bonding but I wouldn't die.


If I was told that, I'd hang it up right now and find someone else who can appreciate that I won't be 20 forever. I guess if you have trouble at 70 getting around without a walker you should be put out to pasture?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

E,
This is what I say whenever my lovely partner says "I would understand if you got a lover"

I miss it also. It isn't a choice, it is a medical condition. Lucky for me you are so good at other stuff.





QUOTE=Entropy3000;1398489]Medical issues aside, while other acts are fine in between intercourse, intercourse to me is fundamental. Having intercourse is having sex. The others are certainly sexual activity and have great value but they are not a substitute for sex ... unless there is a medical reason.[/QUOTE]


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

It's very important, and the only time that _I_ will stop having sex with my husband is when the viagra no longer works. He agrees.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> If I was told that, I'd hang it up right now and find someone else who can appreciate that I won't be 20 forever. I guess if you have trouble at 70 getting around without a walker you should be put out to pasture?


Yup. I already know I'm gonna be that horny, inappropriate old lady. My husband might as well take as much advantage over that as he can, viagra or no.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Wiltshireman said:


> I would be happy to try forms of non penitrative sex but as my wife is a strict Catholic (No sex outside of mariage and 5 children in the first 14 years) who considers helping me in "spilling your seed upon the ground" to be a big no no it is not something I would presure her to do. (She has done this for me in the past but she was guilt stricken afterwards)


Oh that's an immediate dismissal for me. I don't suffer prudes, and the sexually repressed.

Good luck, and I sincerely mean that.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

jaquen said:


> Oh that's an immediate dismissal for me. I don't suffer prudes, and the sexually repressed.
> 
> Good luck, and I sincerely mean that.


Thank you for the "Good Luck". 
I find that the "going without" seems to get easier as the months go by.

As I said sex is a big "want" for me but it is not a "need" (Many people seem to be confused about what their "needs" are). I would never presure my wife to do something that caused her pain (either physical or mental) and the vows we made where "in sickness & in health...forsaking all others...until death us do part" so I have just had to come to terms with the reality of my situation. 
In all other areas our mariage is good, stronger now than when we first meet. Why would anyone mess up an otherwise happy home / family just because they do not have the self control to put the "needs" of others before their own "want" for gratification.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I think I would have a very difficult time with that ... no PiV. If it was because of me, I would try everything I could to fix the problem ... pills, pump, whatever it takes. I think it would be more difficult for me personally if it was because of me. If she was physically unable to have PiV or it caused her discomfort then I might have an easier time. There is another thread here about bjs and my comment is that to me, it is NOT hot to expect her to do something that she doesn't enjoy. Anal would fall under the same category. I think eventually we could learn to enjoy a sex life without PiV. Hopefully, it will be many many years ... or never ... that we have to put that to the test.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> If I was told that, I'd hang it up right now and find someone else who can appreciate that I won't be 20 forever. I guess if you have trouble at 70 getting around without a walker you should be put out to pasture?



Agreed. Viagra and other meds help those with genuine ED and save marriages. There's nothing wrong with that. What would happen if a woman, after menopause, loses her sex drive completely? Put her out to pasture as well? There are lubes and female versions of viagra. :iagree:


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Wiltshireman said:


> Thank you for the "Good Luck".
> I find that the "going without" seems to get easier as the months go by.
> 
> As I said sex is a big "want" for me but it is not a "need" (Many people seem to be confused about what their "needs" are). I would never presure my wife to do something that caused her pain (either physical or mental) and the vows we made where "in sickness & in health...forsaking all others...until death us do part" so I have just had to come to terms with the reality of my situation.
> In all other areas our mariage is good, stronger now than when we first meet. Why would anyone mess up an otherwise happy home / family just because they do not have the self control to put the "needs" of others before their own "want" for gratification.


Well because in some marriages, believe it or not, sex is an absolute "need" for both parties. Neither my wife, nor I, would have made "til death do us part" vows in the first place if we weren't on the same accord regarding this very important matter. Regular, satisfying sex, for us, indeed is a "need", a right, an entitlement, and an expectation; it is of extraordinary importance to our marriage. Spiritually speaking, as you mentioned your wife being Catholic, it is also a basic Christian marital responsiblity; we're told to not deny one another. Proverbs recommends we be ever satisfied with the breasts of our wife, and remain intoxicated by her love; I take that tenant to heart .

But it sounds like you married the right woman. You don't look at sex as a "need", but rather a superfluous want, one you say you can live largely with out. So you are perfectly suited for a woman who has major hang ups, and aversions to sex. That is what ultimately matters, and makes a marriage fly; being on the same accord regarding the most important matters. 

If you say you're enjoying your marriage sans sex, and she is likewise, you're on a lot stronger footing than most in this situation, where one spouse is starving, and the other refuses to feed.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Agreed. Viagra and other meds help those with genuine ED and save marriages. There's nothing wrong with that. What would happen if a woman, after menopause, loses her sex drive completely? Put her out to pasture as well? There are lubes and female versions of viagra. :iagree:


To each their own but the day I can't have sex without the aid of 12 + artificial products, I'm done.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> To each their own but the day I can't have sex without the aid of 12 + artificial products, I'm done.


And then it's ok for your husband to go find a replacement?


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

kingsfan said:


> If I was told that, I'd hang it up right now and find someone else who can appreciate that I won't be 20 forever. I guess if you have trouble at 70 getting around without a walker you should be put out to pasture?


It doesn't appeal to me. The day it takes a myriad of preparation, products etc. to do something as simple as sex is the day I'm done. It's Mother Nature's way of saying thank you but you've served your purpose and reproduced, you no longer need your erection/lubrication. (From a biological standpoint, this is why those things tend to fail once the childbearing years are long gone)

Of course man likes sex, so he invented all of these pills, creams whatever because he didn't want to take the nature hint. Which of course, is a good thing because otherwise we'd all die if we didn't invent things to interfere with nature. 

Which is fine but I won't be doing it.

There are OTHER ways to bond and feel intimacy. It's not just "stick it in me" or nothing.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

kingsfan said:


> And then it's ok for your husband to go find a replacement?


I'll ask him at 75.

Who is he going to get to bang him at 75?


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> It doesn't appeal to me. The day it takes a myriad of preparation, products etc. to do something as simple as sex is the day I'm done. It's Mother Nature's way of saying thank you but you've served your purpose and reproduced, you no longer need your erection/lubrication. (From a biological standpoint, this is why those things tend to fail once the childbearing years are long gone)
> 
> Of course man likes sex, so he invented all of these pills, creams whatever because he didn't want to take the nature hint.
> 
> Which is fine but I won't be doing it.


So you're doing what nature desires, but men just can't take a hint? Like there's no women out there who want to keep going after 'nature' takes their sexual abilities away?

I like you LB, but sometimes your anti-male mindset shows itself.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> I'll ask him at 75.
> 
> Who is he going to get to bang him at 75?


bait and switch....


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

kingsfan said:


> So you're doing what nature desires, but men just can't take a hint? Like there's no women out there who want to keep going after 'nature' takes their sexual abilities away?
> 
> I like you LB, but sometimes your anti-male mindset shows itself.


I edited my post cause I realize how that sounded, I actually didn't mean it that way.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

kingsfan said:


> bait and switch....


Nope, I have made it really clear to him I have no interest in sex when I'm one fall away from the grave.

I want to spend my twilight years writing a novel not scrambling to find a way to get his penis inside me.

There are other ways to connect.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> I'll ask him at 75.
> 
> Who is he going to get to bang him at 75?


You might be surprised.

Your position is entirely reasonable but it's worth noting that you currently don't like sex and submit because your boyfriend wants it, iirc from other threads. So of course you would not be upset if it stopped. 

Am I wrong?


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Wazza said:


> You might be surprised.
> 
> Your position is entirely reasonable but it's worth noting that you currently don't like sex and submit because your boyfriend wants it, iirc from other threads. So of course you would not be upset if it stopped.
> 
> Am I wrong?


I would probably be upset for a while because I'd feel old. And I'd probably miss the connection.

But I'd get over it because I don't equate love to having a penis inside me

IMO it's nice but my world would not obliterate if we could no longer have traditional sex.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

LittleBird said:


> It doesn't appeal to me. The day it takes a myriad of preparation, products etc. to do something as simple as sex is the day I'm done. It's Mother Nature's way of saying thank you but you've served your purpose and reproduced, you no longer need your erection/lubrication. (From a biological standpoint, this is why those things tend to fail once the childbearing years are long gone)


...._I_ sometimes have lubrication problems. Is that Mother Nature telling me to stop having sex? Am I wrong for using lubricant on the days when my body just doesn't respond as well? 



> Of course man likes sex, so he invented all of these pills, creams whatever because he didn't want to take the nature hint. Which of course, is a good thing because otherwise we'd all die if we didn't invent things to interfere with nature.
> 
> Which is fine but I won't be doing it.


I pity your fiance. I really do. What if your fiance gets ED early in life? Your view seems so narrow minded and, frankly, arrogant and selfish, I can't understand why you would feel this way.



> There are OTHER ways to bond and feel intimacy. It's not just "stick it in me" or nothing.


Yet another sign of LD. No one has said that there aren't other forms of intimacy.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> So you're doing what nature desires, but men just can't take a hint? Like there's no women out there who want to keep going after 'nature' takes their sexual abilities away?
> 
> I like you LB, but sometimes your anti-male mindset shows itself.


I agree.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> ...._I_ sometimes have lubrication problems. Is that Mother Nature telling me to stop having sex? Am I wrong for using lubricant on the days when my body just doesn't respond as well?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


*sigh* 

I don't mean that if he ever has a problem, I won't sleep with him ever again.

Of course if it happened *now* that's one thing.

At 75 I'd just hang it up. Seriously, I don't understand this hanging on tooth and nail mentality. Everyone gets old and these things happen. 

But that's just me. 

Again, I don't give a **** what anyone else chooses to do.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

LittleBird said:


> Nope, I have made it really clear to him I have no interest in sex when I'm one fall away from the grave.
> 
> I want to spend my twilight years writing a novel not scrambling to find a way to get his penis inside me.
> 
> There are other ways to connect.


Oh please. You can do _both_, fyi. 

Frankly, I can't imagine being old and gray, having the option to have wild, crazy sex with my husband(even with the use of pills and lubricants), and choose not to. If I'm one fall away from the grave, then I want to do down humping his brains out. 

And sex is great inspiration. At least, for me. Endorphins and dopamine are two things that get my creative juices flowing. I think I'm more articulate about sex and exercise than about most other things I write about.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> Oh please. You can do _both_, fyi.
> 
> Frankly, I can't imagine being old and gray, having the option to have wild, crazy sex with my husband(even with the use of pills and lubricants), and choose not to. If I'm one fall away from the grave, then I want to do down humping his brains out.
> 
> And sex is great inspiration. At least, for me. Endorphins and dopamine are two things that get my creative juices flowing. I think I'm more articulate about sex and exercise than about most other things I write about.


Again, everyone else can do whatever they like and God bless them for it. 

For me, that's more effort than it's worth.

But again, that's just ME.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

LittleBird said:


> I would probably be upset for a while because I'd feel old. And I'd probably miss the connection.
> 
> But I'd get over it because *I don't equate love to having a penis inside me*
> 
> IMO it's nice but my world would not obliterate if we could no longer have traditional sex.


The bold says it all. For my husband and I, I not only equate sex to love, but I equate it to the greatest expression of love. Sure, other things might express romance more strongly than sex, but love? _*NOTHING*_ expresses love more than sex, saving laying your life down for the person you love.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Hey C2W and LB, maybe we could just link to the thread where you guys already slugged this out


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

LittleBird said:


> Again, everyone else can do whatever they like and God bless them for it.
> 
> For me, that's more effort than it's worth.
> 
> But again, that's just ME.


And what about your fiance? You're not the only one in the relationship, here. In my opinion, no one person should have the deciding voice on when sex stops. That's...well, very selfish.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> I would probably be upset for a while because I'd feel old. And I'd probably miss the connection.
> 
> But I'd get over it because I don't equate love to having a penis inside me
> 
> IMO it's nice but my world would not obliterate if we could no longer have traditional sex.


Would your world obiliterate if he found someone else? If you think he can't at 75, you're wrong.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> The bold says it all. For my husband and I, I not only equate sex to love, but I equate it to the greatest expression of love. Sure, other things might express romance more strongly than sex, but love? _*NOTHING*_ expresses love more than sex, saving laying your life down for the person you love.


People don't go to hookers for love.

People don't go around in their 20s humping everything with a pulse because of love.

Sex *can* be an expression of love yes but it is certainly not the end all be all.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Wazza said:


> Hey C2W and LB, maybe we could just link to the thread where you guys already slugged this out


She knows I love her.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

kingsfan said:


> Would your world obiliterate if he found someone else? If you think he can't at 75, you're wrong.



Bring it on.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> And what about your fiance? You're not the only one in the relationship, here. In my opinion, no one person should have the deciding voice on when sex stops. That's...well, very selfish.


He shares my opinion on the matter.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

LittleBird said:


> People don't go to hookers for love.
> 
> People don't go around in their 20s humping everything with a pulse because of love.
> 
> Sex *can* be an expression of love yes but it is certainly not the end all be all.


Since we're talking about relationships, I thought it would be obvious that we're talking about sex in the context of being in a relationship. Obviously sex by itself doesn't equate to much more than physical urges. But you knew that. 

And maybe it isn't the end all be all for _you_. But it can be the ultimate expression of love for many, many people. Including your fiance.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> Bring it on.


Bring what on?

Bring on him leaving you for another woman in your twilight years because you elected to forego your sex life without his input and expected him to just accept that?

Wouldn't it be a lot easier to 'bring on' an effort to keep your sex life going rather than use mother nature as an excuse?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> I'll ask him at 75.
> 
> Who is he going to get to bang him at 75?


If he's rich and/or still good looking? Plenty.

If not? Another 75 year old.

There will always be somebody looking for sex. Always. Have you not read about the outbreaks of STDs at nursing homes?


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> Since we're talking about relationships, I thought it would be obvious that we're talking about sex in the context of being in a relationship. Obviously sex by itself doesn't equate to much more than physical urges. But you knew that.
> 
> And maybe it isn't the end all be all for _you_. But it can be the ultimate expression of love for many, many people. Including your fiance.


Thankfully, it isn't. It is one of many ways. (And yes, I've asked him)

IMO this is all speculation, pure speculation since we're not 75 yet. 

So it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to worry about it.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> I would probably be upset for a while because I'd feel old. And I'd probably miss the connection.
> 
> But I'd get over it because I don't equate love to having a penis inside me
> 
> IMO it's nice but my world would not obliterate if we could no longer have traditional sex.


I think your 75 year old self is likely to look back at your early 20's self, chuckle, and say "I had no idea what the phuck I was talking about".


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> She knows I love her.


Yeah I know. I'll happily pull up a chair, grab popcorn and watch two beautiful women mud wrestle.

But I'm being selfish here. I am following this thread to get a variety of perspectives on how people deal with sexless marriages because a good friend of mine, who also follows this thread, is in one due to her husband's ED.

Some of us are closer to 75 than 20. Said friend is a case in point.

Your discussion was interesting in the last thread, and is totally valid, but I am hoping it doesn't derail this one.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

kingsfan said:


> Bring what on?
> 
> Bring on him leaving you for another woman in your twilight years because you elected to forego your sex life without his input and expected him to just accept that?
> 
> Wouldn't it be a lot easier to 'bring on' an effort to keep your sex life going rather than use mother nature as an excuse?


I am willing to compromise. For 50 years After that, I want to be left alone when it comes to the sex thing. 

I have disclosed this....fully. Literally, many times. Of course at 20, he couldn't give a **** about this. He finds the idea of having sex with an old woman gross (well duh, he's 20). This is all speculation, it's sort of pointless at this point. 

And if he left at 75 to go get some noogie, I'd open the door for him.

No more thread jacking, I'm done.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> Thankfully, it isn't. It is one of many ways. (And yes, I've asked him)
> 
> IMO this is all speculation, pure speculation since we're not 75 yet.
> 
> So it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to worry about it.


But it does make sense to make a proclomation about what will happen 55 years from now? Good call.



LittleBird said:


> I am willing to compromise. For 50 years After that, I want to be left alone when it comes to the sex thing.
> 
> I have disclosed this....fully. Literally, many times. Of course at 20, he couldn't give a **** about this. He finds the idea of having sex with an old woman gross (well duh, he's 20). This is all speculation, it's sort of pointless at this point.
> 
> ...


You state you have trouble talking to him about anything, yet the topic of sex 55 years from now has been discussed in detail numerous times? Yeah, ok.

And btw, you say you'd open the door for him, but you won't. Think about it right now. If you took sex off the table and he said he wanted to get some 'noogie' would you open that door now? No you wouldn't, it's why your having sex you don't really want right now, to keep him. Now add in 55 years of love, marriage, children, memories and emotions, and then tell me you'll open that door.

Some days you really look like a kid still. I'm almost twice your age and I can't say jacksquat about what I'll be like at 75. You don't have hardly any necessary life experience to say anything about your future at 20. You'll look back at your life when you're 30 and think you were an idiot, nevermind 75. We all did.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

kingsfan said:


> So you're doing what nature desires, but men just can't take a hint? Like there's no women out there who want to keep going after 'nature' takes their sexual abilities away?
> 
> I like you LB, but *sometimes your anti-male mindset shows itself*.


*triple facepalm to self*

So that's why... no wonder.. it explains everything..


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

kingsfan said:


> But it does make sense to make a proclomation about what will happen 55 years from now? Good call.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I have never been allowed the luxury of being a child. 

And this is all speculation. My fiancé and I have discussed things that might surprise you. 

I will likely change my mind.

It's irrelevant either way.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> *triple facepalm to self*
> 
> So that's why... no wonder.. it explains everything..


I'm not anti-male. If anything, I dislike women as a general rule. All of my closer type friends are male.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

LittleBird said:


> I'm not anti-male. If anything, I dislike women as a general rule.


That's not the impression we got from many statements of yours that you posted here.

But we'll just give you the benefit of doubt. For now.

Now let us go back to our scheduled discussions.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

LittleBird said:


> If I needed a pill to have sex I'd probably be so ****ing depressed about it I wouldn't WANT to have sex (but I'm a chick so who cares what I think?) I'm also 20 so the idea is nothing short of mortifying to me, those commercials on TV for all the pills creep me the hell out. The commercials are just freaking...unnerving. "Hi....you want to get jiggly with your wife...take this pill..." And then it's like two ancient (one commercial the dude had a walker) people staring out over a lake or something and giving each other the sexy eyes in plain view of random passerby. No thank you. I told my fiancé the day he needs Viagra on a consistent basis, it's time to hang it up. It's clearly a sign from God. Lol. His tongue will still work at 65.
> 
> I don't see the hoopla about PIV. I still have a mouth and so does he. Yes, it's bonding but I wouldn't die.


I see the KY karma bus in your future LB.


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## LittleBird (Jan 12, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> I see the KY karma bus in your future LB.


Lmfao I love KY. It tingles. Bring it :smthumbup:


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

One day we won't have the drive anymore and I'll love her the same but for now it's very special being together. In regards to sex, PIV is the cake and everything else is the icing. Hopefully it's a long way off but I suspect one day we'll want the closeness and will have to break out the lub or pills on occasion. But who knows. Our drive has been pretty much in sync over the years maybe that will continue for a while.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

LB I love my man with all my heart and more, his happiness is just so important to me. He is not more important than me or my kids and i am a realist when it comes to love and relationships.

I love him so much that if I thought that we were not compatible and that our future was going to be anything but wonderful I would set him free.

I love him so much that if I thought that I had to feign desire for him to get me through till 75, I would set him free.

I would set him free because I love him and want him to be happy.

Just something to think about from a woman that is more than twice your age and has had a lot of life experience.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Holland said:


> I would set him free because I love him and want him to be happy.


Yea, and you two could still be good friends afterwards.

(If I get USD 100 everytime I give that advice to incompatible couples contemplating divorce, I'll be rich by now  )


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## gregory5288 (Feb 4, 2013)

dubbizle said:


> If a man could not get hard/PE and his wife is not into oral or toys what what is left ?



VIAGRA is the answer :smthumbup:

This little blue pill saved my relationship!
I took it for a few times and now I don't use it anymore. However I feel my erections are much stronger and I feel more confident. 
I don't really know if my problem of having weak erections was a physical or psychological ... anyway Viagra helps in both cases.
There is always a solution, mate!

Good luck!


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> The same question for men since some women find intercourse painful or are not into it ,would other acts on a consitent basis keep you happy.


No.


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## mildlyperplexed (Feb 3, 2013)

I tell my husband it doesn't matter but tbh I don't think hes fooled. Other stuff is great but its not the same, least ED goes in cycles so I still get to have my way with him some of the time


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

I think that at a certain age we will all be forced to settle for an alternative. The drive or the ability, or both, will fade. Then we will have the companionship and other ways to be intimate. But until then, I will be parted from full-on sex kicking and screaming all the way


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## mildlyperplexed (Feb 3, 2013)

Terry_CO said:


> I think that at a certain age we will all be forced to settle for an alternative. The drive or the ability, or both, will fade. Then we will have the companionship and other ways to be intimate. But until then, I will be parted from full-on sex kicking and screaming all the way


For the record I'm no where near 'a certain age', hubby is closer but I hope to get at least a few more decades out of him yet :toast:


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## gregory5288 (Feb 4, 2013)

evarol is right, sex is very important in any relationship and it's best when both partners have the same sex drive...


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

VERY important!! Just about everything sexually makes me crave piv nothing replaces the real deal so I don't understand why hubby is so jealous of my toys. They are foreplay nothing more


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## Diego41 (Feb 9, 2013)

It's very important to me, so what sucks is that my wife has lots of pain upon initial penetration. Mild vaginismus. After having a recent c-section it is even worse. Even I have developed pretty severe anxiety attacks when I go to penetrate. It causes ED and PE for me...penetration is not a good experience. It's like searching for the entry and never finding it, and if you do it hurts trying to get in.

I think pain makes her sex drive weaker, makes her not want it. Plus, the problems I have developed dont help. 

Luckily, she loves getting oral, can orgasm with it every time. I enjoy giving it immensely. If she didn't enjoy that, she would NEVER want sexual intimacy.

I am frustrated with the current situation, as it leaves me unfulfilled. Whether you are a man or woman, imagine going into a session of sex with anxiety over penetration. An act that is supposed to be pleasurable is quite the opposite.

I think there may be a lot of women who have pain during PIV sex, and this kills their sex drive. It's either that, or they aren't getting their emotional needs met and they resent their husbands and are turned off by them.


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