# Exhusband found my private pictures on our sons Pad, it totally escalated! What now?



## oopsitsynchronised

_(sorry if long and/or spelling mistakes! not my native tongue!)
_

We've been divorced for over two years now. We share custody, about 40/60 percent, my son[6y/o] is with me a little more often. The divorce was messy, but the court ordered mediation worked wonders, and now we are even able to throw our son a mutual bday party. Like a modern family, interact civil, even pleasently, for the benefiit of our son.
After the divorce, I was in a steady relationship with someone else[m25] for little over a year, but have been single (after a mutual split) for a few months now. My exhusband got into a steady relationship with another woman[23] too, around the same time as me, but they are still together.


THE CONFLICT:

So, I bought the kid a tablet a while back, he loves to watch netflix and play angry birds-like games on it. To buy some of these games, I logged in with my gmail-account to use the playstore. Unbeknownst to me, the tablet started synchronising with my phone, and my pictures where (apparently) accesible through Google Drive. On the tablet.

Because it is my sons tablet, I have, on several occasions, aloud him to take it to school(they have special days when you can bring something like an ipad), friends, and his dads house.
I got an awkward phone call little over a week back. My exhusband told me that he found the pictures (rather- his girlfriend did) by accident. But he was also very blunt about the fact that he went through all of it, and that besides all the nice pictures of our son, he was shocked by the other 'interesting content' that was there in great numbers. He looked at all the movie clips that where on there as well. He even made a joke about me looking great etc. He told me he had noticed it THREE WEEKS prior, and hoped I would find out on my own- so he wouldn't have to have this conversation with me. So he checked regularly if it was still there (and if there was new content, he looked at it.) These are no assumptions of mine: he straight out told me these things. A mutual friend of ours finally persuaded him to confront me.

_So whats that juicy content on there? Honestly, loads and loads of nudies, selfies, even some movie clips of me masturbating etc. MOST of these where send to my bf at the time, it was a LDR. I had even deleted most of them from my phone, but not from the drive (apparently. I never payed attention to this entire Drive thing!). And a few that are more recent, I have been dating, have been texting, have had naughty conversations including pictures.
My reaction on the phone was basically feeling flustered and embarrassed. Obviously I wasn't aware the content was on there, and secondly, it came as a surprise to me that he and his girlfriend used it as well (since I don't even use, its my kids, but I have my own laptop).
_
*Thank god, our son NEVER saw any of it, btw. It was just my ex-husband (and in part his gf) that looked at it.*

In my somewhat overwhelmed state, I told him I would fix it a soon as I could, and agreed it was pretty embarrassing. He thanked me for going to fix the problem. But after a while, the whole situation sunk in, and I felt pretty violated. He could have known from even ONE thumbnail that the pictures where private, and he could have closed it, and immediately told me. Not look at EVERYTHING, wait three weeks, checking it every so often, talking about it with friends, before finally telling me.
I decided to be open and honest about my feelings, so I told him a few days later, in a pretty mild manner, that I did not feel comfortable with the way he handled the situation. He was surprised and offended. He thought I 'was going apologize a little more profusely for potentially burden our kid with the trauma of seeing all my smut- and potentially embarrassing myself, our kid and him, if anyone had found it instead of him.' I was flabbergasted that he did not see anything wrong with his behavior at all.

He feels I'm not aloud to feel violated in any way since;
1) he was protecting our kid from harm, it was out of concern. And, in that frame of mind: the ipad is our sons, so per default its also open for him.
2) the ipad sometimes went to school and friends' houses, so therefor he had to know what was on there, since it would be accesible to outsiders ass well.
3) Its human nature to be curious, so offcourse he looked at EVERYTHING, even after realising what it was, its to be expected.
4) I once did a nude shoot back when I did part time modeling. Nothing pornographic, more artsy. But since there are nude pictures of me allready on the internet, I can not now suddenly oppose someone looking at naked pictures of me.
5)He is worried for me, because I lead a lifestyle that is not only immoral, disrespectfull to myself and promiscious... Also I would never find a nice man, because if I was dating a nice guy and he would find out about my lifestyle, he would never stay with me.
The conversation got heated, so I decided to leave it there, hoping he would change his mind after calming down and thinking about it more rationally. The next time we saw eachother, he dropped off our son. My mother was there. I had told her about the situation, so she couldnt help but give her two cents (that it wasnt polite of him to snoop so shamelesly). This fired up into an argument almost simmilar to the one we had before, but with more frustration, voice raising and cursing (both sides). After a few minutes of escalating, when I wanted to walk away after he said 'you are ****ing crazy', he forcefully grabbed my arm. I ripped away from him and slammed the door. Even though our son was being held away from most of it by us distancing ourselfs, and my mom looking after him, he still was aware of what as happening.

Also, I forgot to mention that he also looked at my emails etc, but they weren't as juicy, so that wasn't anything he was mad about. So that to me is also proof he was more 'snooping' then supervising our kids tablet.... And another anecdote during this argument: when I asked him: "If the case would have been that my younger sisters phone had accidentally synchronised with the tablet, and her nude selfies would have been accesible... Would he have looked so thoroughly as well?" His answer: "Offcouse not, that would have felt wrong!".... But because its ME, his ex-wife, its okay.... To me that added to feeling insulted by the lack of privacy....


Since then (besides me unsynchronising the tablet- AND never letting it leave my house again) my ex husband send an email to my parents (and a copy to me) stating that he was regretful of the way we argued in front of our kid (but nothing else) and wanted my apologies for that as well, as well as my parents cooperation in stopping him and me from ever doing that again. It was a sensible enough email. I did not reply though, it was to heated a situation for me to be going back and forth in this way, and I still wasn't over the whole 'shameless snooping' (IMHO) thing.

Today he refused to disclose when he was dropping our son of tomorrow, until I had adressed the email. I told him I agreed with him about not fighting in front of our kid. It was foolish, and common sense to not let it happen again. However, I did not approve of his way of using information about when he will drop off (if even) our son, as a bargaining chip to get me to discuss certain issues with him. He then finally told me what time he'd be here.

I dont know what to do now. I've been very lenient towards him in the past (swapping our days to meet HIS schedule, even though it conflicted with mine, to help him out, and countless other things) and tried to play nice, acting a bit like a pleaser. I just didn't want to go back to the ugly times during the divorce, and keep the peace, since our boy was thriving in the peaceful situation. But now, when I've tried to put up a boundary- the entire situation goes to hell.

_And some other additional info:
I have asked a friend who works at our country's equivalent of child's protective services if this was in any way a concern for them. She told me that this was an honest mistake, and if they'd have to start to sanction every parent that had any form of sexual content, that could be accessed by a child (like pornmags under a bed, or even an unlocked phone with pics on it) a lot of children would be without loving and caring parents. And it my case, it was clearly an accident, and even more important, the child never saw anything, so no harm or faul- as far as they are concerned._

SO HOW DO I FIX THIS? Do I give in to keep the peace? Or am I just overreacting about feeling violated in my privacy? Is he rightfully outraged with me about the whole situation?

*TL;DR- My ex-husband found lude pictures and videos of me on our sons tablet, that accidentally got on there. He was super indiscreet about it and that made me feel violated. But he feels I'm in the wrong here, since I've been morally irresponsible, not only in not knowing the pictures where on there- but for leading a promiscuous lifestyle altogether. Things have escalated and our fragile peace has been shattered, it feels*


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## lordmayhem

oopsitsynchronised said:


> My exhusband told me that he found the pictures (rather- his girlfriend did) by accident. But he was also very blunt about the fact that he went through all of it, and that besides all the nice pictures of our son, he was shocked by the other 'interesting content' that was there in great numbers. He looked at all the movie clips that where on there as well. He even made a joke about me looking great etc. He told me he had noticed it THREE WEEKS prior, and hoped I would find out on my own- *so he wouldn't have to have this conversation with me.* So he checked regularly if it was still there (and if there was new content, he looked at it.) These are no assumptions of mine: he straight out told me these things. A mutual friend of ours finally persuaded him to confront me.


And so you go off on him when he was giving you a chance to correct it on your own? Then you escalate things? 

I guess you would feel better if your son had found the photos/videos. 

Yes, you're way overreacting. JMHO.


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## ToothFairy

I think you should just thank your lucky stars that it was your ex who found these and not your son. Imagine the trauma and mess that would have caused. I am wondering why you didn't find them and you ex was able to so easily. Shouldn't you be checking your sons ipad and monitoring what he is seeing and doing on it? How old is he?

Let it go and thank your ex for being as discreet as he was. It could have been worse. Time to be humble.


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## HobbesTheTiger

I think it's very bad that he went through your email, as there is no reason whatsoever to do that! Your son wouldn't be able to navigate through your email, so whatever was in there, your son was safe from it. So that doesn't excuse his violation of privacy regarding your email.

Furthermore, does him waiting for 3 weeks mean that he left those images on the iPad for three weeks? He should have either deleted them immediately or talked to you immediately, and thus prevent any chances of your son accidentally stumbling upon them. At least you had no idea they were there, but he knowingly left them on.


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## lordmayhem

NotLikeYou said:


> However, he has no business judging you. You two aren't a couple any more, and its none of his business how many men you are having sex with, sending nude photos to, or making video clips of yourself acting like a camgirl, for.


The thing is, this came out only after she escalated things and playing the victim card. Instead of saying Sorry and quickly deleting the images/videos and letting things settle down, she had to feel violated and start things with him. I too would feel angry. "What? You're the one getting angry with me? Who's the one who messed up leaving those kinds of images on the tablet?", etc, etc. 

And if the situation were reversed, she'd probably say the same things.


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## HobbesTheTiger

Also, this

"_ He could have known from even ONE thumbnail that the pictures where private, and he could have closed it, and immediately told me. Not look at EVERYTHING, wait three weeks, checking it every so often, talking about it with friends, before finally telling me_."

I completely agree with you! It wasn't his to browse! What he should have done was to hold on the iPad, contact you immediately and address this issue immediately. If he was concerned about what his son might have seen, he could have and should have approached that in a much better way, without continuing to observe pictures of you etc.

So I agree with you, you have the right to be upset at him!

I hope you contacted your lawyer just to make sure how to protect yourself and to make sure he hasn't retained any copies of it etc., that he won't be able to use that against you.

But I also agree with others that you should do a daily check of your sons iPad in the future, and make sure it's disabled to synchronize with any other devices, and make sure it has parental safeguards on it against nudity, violent content etc.

Best wishes


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## HobbesTheTiger

Also, I recommend you post a link to this thread in the ladies lounge - http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/ , so the ladies can come give their advice on this issue.

I'm a guy, but I imagine if I were a woman, I'd be angry at my ex husband continuing to ogle my pictures and videos instead of closing it immediately and talking to me.

Best wishes


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## lifeistooshort

I'd make very clear to him that while you'll be more careful in the future regarding what gets to your son's phone, what you do is absolutely none of his business.

In the future be very careful; once you put pictures and videos out there they will stay for all time.


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## lordmayhem

HobbesTheTiger said:


> Also, I recommend you post a link to this thread in the ladies lounge - The Ladies' Lounge , so the ladies can come give their advice on this issue.
> 
> I'm a guy, but I imagine if I were a woman, I'd be angry at my ex husband continuing to ogle my pictures and videos instead of closing it immediately and talking to me.
> 
> Best wishes


How about taking some personal responsibility and being angry at yourself for accidentally leaving that stuff in the tablet in the first place? 

If I lost a tablet/iPad that had compromising pictures, then it's a given that the person who found it would look through it. Who's fault is that? But since it's the ex-husband who found it, then its alright to be angry, huh?


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## oopsitsynchronised

someone advised me to x-post to this forum (originally posted on relationship discussion) to get the perspective of fellow females... so here it is:

_(sorry if long and/or spelling mistakes! not my native tongue!)
_

We've been divorced for over two years now. We share custody, about 40/60 percent, my son[6y/o] is with me a little more often. The divorce was messy, but the court ordered mediation worked wonders, and now we are even able to throw our son a mutual bday party. Like a modern family, interact civil, even pleasently, for the benefiit of our son.
After the divorce, I was in a steady relationship with someone else[m25] for little over a year, but have been single (after a mutual split) for a few months now. My exhusband got into a steady relationship with another woman[23] too, around the same time as me, but they are still together.


THE CONFLICT:

So, I bought the kid a tablet a while back, he loves to watch netflix and play angry birds-like games on it. To buy some of these games, I logged in with my gmail-account to use the playstore. Unbeknownst to me, the tablet started synchronising with my phone, and my pictures where (apparently) accesible through Google Drive. On the tablet.

Because it is my sons tablet, I have, on several occasions, aloud him to take it to school(they have special days when you can bring something like an ipad), friends, and his dads house.
I got an awkward phone call little over a week back. My exhusband told me that he found the pictures (rather- his girlfriend did) by accident. But he was also very blunt about the fact that he went through all of it, and that besides all the nice pictures of our son, he was shocked by the other 'interesting content' that was there in great numbers. He looked at all the movie clips that where on there as well. He even made a joke about me looking great etc. He told me he had noticed it THREE WEEKS prior, and hoped I would find out on my own- so he wouldn't have to have this conversation with me. So he checked regularly if it was still there (and if there was new content, he looked at it.) These are no assumptions of mine: he straight out told me these things. A mutual friend of ours finally persuaded him to confront me.

_So whats that juicy content on there? Honestly, loads and loads of nudies, selfies, even some movie clips of me masturbating etc. MOST of these where send to my bf at the time, it was a LDR. I had even deleted most of them from my phone, but not from the drive (apparently. I never payed attention to this entire Drive thing!). And a few that are more recent, I have been dating, have been texting, have had naughty conversations including pictures.
My reaction on the phone was basically feeling flustered and embarrassed. Obviously I wasn't aware the content was on there, and secondly, it came as a surprise to me that he and his girlfriend used it as well (since I don't even use, its my kids, but I have my own laptop).
_
*Thank god, our son NEVER saw any of it, btw. It was just my ex-husband (and in part his gf) that looked at it.*

In my somewhat overwhelmed state, I told him I would fix it a soon as I could, and agreed it was pretty embarrassing. He thanked me for going to fix the problem. But after a while, the whole situation sunk in, and I felt pretty violated. He could have known from even ONE thumbnail that the pictures where private, and he could have closed it, and immediately told me. Not look at EVERYTHING, wait three weeks, checking it every so often, talking about it with friends, before finally telling me.
I decided to be open and honest about my feelings, so I told him a few days later, in a pretty mild manner, that I did not feel comfortable with the way he handled the situation. He was surprised and offended. He thought I 'was going apologize a little more profusely for potentially burden our kid with the trauma of seeing all my smut- and potentially embarrassing myself, our kid and him, if anyone had found it instead of him.' I was flabbergasted that he did not see anything wrong with his behavior at all.

He feels I'm not aloud to feel violated in any way since;
1) he was protecting our kid from harm, it was out of concern. And, in that frame of mind: the ipad is our sons, so per default its also open for him.
2) the ipad sometimes went to school and friends' houses, so therefor he had to know what was on there, since it would be accesible to outsiders ass well.
3) Its human nature to be curious, so offcourse he looked at EVERYTHING, even after realising what it was, its to be expected.
4) I once did a nude shoot back when I did part time modeling. Nothing pornographic, more artsy. But since there are nude pictures of me allready on the internet, I can not now suddenly oppose someone looking at naked pictures of me.
5)He is worried for me, because I lead a lifestyle that is not only immoral, disrespectfull to myself and promiscious... Also I would never find a nice man, because if I was dating a nice guy and he would find out about my lifestyle, he would never stay with me.
The conversation got heated, so I decided to leave it there, hoping he would change his mind after calming down and thinking about it more rationally. The next time we saw eachother, he dropped off our son. My mother was there. I had told her about the situation, so she couldnt help but give her two cents (that it wasnt polite of him to snoop so shamelesly). This fired up into an argument almost simmilar to the one we had before, but with more frustration, voice raising and cursing (both sides). After a few minutes of escalating, when I wanted to walk away after he said 'you are ****ing crazy', he forcefully grabbed my arm. I ripped away from him and slammed the door. Even though our son was being held away from most of it by us distancing ourselfs, and my mom looking after him, he still was aware of what as happening.

Also, I forgot to mention that he also looked at my emails etc, but they weren't as juicy, so that wasn't anything he was mad about. So that to me is also proof he was more 'snooping' then supervising our kids tablet.... And another anecdote during this argument: when I asked him: "If the case would have been that my younger sisters phone had accidentally synchronised with the tablet, and her nude selfies would have been accesible... Would he have looked so thoroughly as well?" His answer: "Offcouse not, that would have felt wrong!".... But because its ME, his ex-wife, its okay.... To me that added to feeling insulted by the lack of privacy....


Since then (besides me unsynchronising the tablet- AND never letting it leave my house again) my ex husband send an email to my parents (and a copy to me) stating that he was regretful of the way we argued in front of our kid (but nothing else) and wanted my apologies for that as well, as well as my parents cooperation in stopping him and me from ever doing that again. It was a sensible enough email. I did not reply though, it was to heated a situation for me to be going back and forth in this way, and I still wasn't over the whole 'shameless snooping' (IMHO) thing.

Today he refused to disclose when he was dropping our son of tomorrow, until I had adressed the email. I told him I agreed with him about not fighting in front of our kid. It was foolish, and common sense to not let it happen again. However, I did not approve of his way of using information about when he will drop off (if even) our son, as a bargaining chip to get me to discuss certain issues with him. He then finally told me what time he'd be here.

I dont know what to do now. I've been very lenient towards him in the past (swapping our days to meet HIS schedule, even though it conflicted with mine, to help him out, and countless other things) and tried to play nice, acting a bit like a pleaser. I just didn't want to go back to the ugly times during the divorce, and keep the peace, since our boy was thriving in the peaceful situation. But now, when I've tried to put up a boundary- the entire situation goes to hell.

_And some other additional info:
I have asked a friend who works at our country's equivalent of child's protective services if this was in any way a concern for them. She told me that this was an honest mistake, and if they'd have to start to sanction every parent that had any form of sexual content, that could be accessed by a child (like pornmags under a bed, or even an unlocked phone with pics on it) a lot of children would be without loving and caring parents. And it my case, it was clearly an accident, and even more important, the child never saw anything, so no harm or faul- as far as they are concerned._

SO HOW DO I FIX THIS? Do I give in to keep the peace? Or am I just overreacting about feeling violated in my privacy? Is he rightfully outraged with me about the whole situation?

*TL;DR- My ex-husband found lude pictures and videos of me on our sons tablet, that accidentally got on there. He was super indiscreet about it and that made me feel violated. But he feels I'm in the wrong here, since I've been morally irresponsible, not only in not knowing the pictures where on there- but for leading a promiscuous lifestyle altogether. Things have escalated and our fragile peace has been shattered, it feels*


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## Cynthia

Both you and your ex-husband are at fault. Those photos should never have been on your son's device in the first place. Your ex-husband finding them is not a problem. The fact that he went through all of them, shared them, and left them for your son to find is terrible. However, there is nothing you can do about that. If you weren't doing those things in the first place, this never would have happened. That should be enough reason to not take naked photos of yourself. They seem private at the time, but any time you take a photo of yourself, you should assume it could become public. I recommend you stop and never do that again.
As far as your ex-husband, forgive him and move on. You cannot change him or control him. Your son is the most important part of this situation and every effort must be made to be cordial and respectful to set a good example for him about how people are to treat each other and to make his life better overall.


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## EleGirl

I agree, you both have done things less than correctly. 

I would apologize to him just to end this mess. Have a civil relationship for the sake of your son is more important than a piss fight about who was more wrong.

What you seem to not realize that that once you have put photos and videos of that nature out on the web or over a cell phone you have ZERO control over who sees them. There is a good chance that a lot of your photos are already all over the internet. A lot of ex boyfriends and ex spouses do this. Some don't even wait until they are ex's. 

Here is something to do:

Go to this webpage https://www.tineye.com/ browse one by one for those photos. You can find out if they are already on the web as this is a search engine that searches out photos.

If none of your photos are on the web, you are lucky. But don't be surprised if you find out that they are. 

In the future, when you send these types of photos and videos out, make sure that they are ones that you are comfortable with everyone on the web seeing.


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## EleGirl

I agree, you both have done things less than correctly. 

I would apologize to him just to end this mess. Have a civil relationship for the sake of your son is more important than a piss fight about who was more wrong.

What you seem to not realize that that once you have put photos and videos of that nature out on the web or over a cell phone you have ZERO control over who sees them. There is a good chance that a lot of your photos are already all over the internet. A lot of ex boyfriends and ex spouses do this. Some don't even wait until they are ex's. 

Here is something to do:

Go to this webpage https://www.tineye.com/ browse one by one for those photos. You can find out if they are already on the web as this is a search engine that searches out photos.

If none of your photos are on the web, you are lucky. But don't be surprised if you find out that they are. 

In the future, when you send these types of photos and videos out, make sure that they are ones that you are comfortable with everyone on the web seeing.


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## EleGirl

You have posted this in two forums. That's against forum rules.

Here's a link to the OP's exact same post in the General Relationship Discussion forum. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-our-sons-pad-totally-escalated-what-now.html


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## FormerSelf

lordmayhem said:


> How about taking some personal responsibility and being angry at yourself for accidentally leaving that stuff in the tablet in the first place?
> 
> If I lost a tablet/iPad that had compromising pictures, then it's a given that the person who found it would look through it. Who's fault is that? But since it's the ex-husband who found it, then its alright to be angry, huh?


She had the pictures taken with cell that sync'd with tab via Google Drive...something she admits she hadn't a full grasp that something like that would happen.

OP, I don't think you are going to get the response you are looking for from ex-husband that can make this right or undo your embarrassment. He should have told you sooner, and probably looked at the photos more than he will admit...yet probably felt it was prudent to tell you because of the breadth of material and/or his GF saw the pics and twisted his arm to tell you about it as she obviously don't do for him what you do for LDR. Okay, that's all conjecture...but overall...it probably is best to try to let this go and keep the peace. 

It is worth communicating too him to please delete any copied images for *ahem* his personal files....as they weren't for his viewing and for now on, he can provide a tablet for son and GF's use while in his custody. I think it is appropriate that you thank him for telling you, but reiterate how you wished he had told you the instant of his discovery of he was SO concerned for the son.


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## 6301

How about this. Use some common sense. Take a selfie of you bare assed and send it to you BF and through electronics it winds up on h your kids tablet. 

First of all, what if your kid saw them, what if his friends would have seen them, how do you explain that to your kid? Then how does you kid make it through the day being blasted from sun up to sun down by the kids in school making all kinds of comments to him about his mother.

Then the boyfriend. What if the relationship goes south and you two break up and just for the sake of the conversation he decides to get a bit mean and posts the pictures on some porn site.

How about using common sense and try acting like a responsible parent and keep your bare ass and other private parts clothed and by doing that keeping your dignity and your kid from some real serious damage.

Common sense. It's what a parent is supposed to have and use to raise a child. So far you dodged a huge problem so learn from it and stop blaming your ex for your stupidity


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## lordmayhem

The dynamic would be completely different if her mom, dad, or other close relative/friend had found them instead. But since its the ex, then its an invasion of privacy.  A stranger would have had those forwarded all over the internet by now. Just saying.


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## IamSomebody

It was not the ex-husband who found the photos, it was his GF. Why was this woman going through the son's tablet? She is not a parent, she is not even a step-parent. Boundaries need to be set up for this GF with a strong reminder she is not the parent. Where else is she overstepping her boundaries?

As for the ex-husband, you are right, one thumbnail would have alerted him to the content but he chose to view every one of the photos as well as go through your email. I wonder if his GF knows, and how would she feel, if she knew your ex-husband went through every single photo, and then the emails, to look at nude photos of you. He couldn't claim he was protecting his son because one photo would have been enough.

Tell ex-husband you are not apologizing to him and for him to let it go. If he refuses, remind him he committed battery, in front of a witness as well as your child. You could press charges. If he starts in about the nude photos, let him know you already checked it out (but ONLY if he brings it up).

Just in case, speak with your divorce attorney and get some solid legal advice.

IamSomebody


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## HuggyBear

You put nudies, artistic or not (the masturbation movies ARE porn), on your SON'S device... the "automatically synced" doesn't fly with me, since between my home and office we have apple, samsung, windows, and every brand of phone, tablet and laptop that anyone might own (even yotaphone!) and all of them actually make you use your fingers to sync it!

Come on, you let your kid walk around town and country with this thing, using any free McWifi or whatever was "convenient", kind of like the "convenience" of probably using the cam, too.

Don't balme your husband for looking, even "rubbernecking" with his partner over several weeks at what's been going down... it's like slowing down to check out a wreck or incident on the side of the highway. Brutal, but succinct, I hope.

How to "fix it"? Start at home! Get yourself together, realize where we ALL are at, technologically speaking, and ASSUME it is 1984!

Step up! Get off the cam, respect yourself! If your ex said you look good, take it as a compliment, not as a backhanded joke. Just turn off the tablet with a password, as far as wifi and connectivity goes, and don't use it for your (self-questionable) personal "business".

From now on, just ASSUME that everything you put online or on digital storage with internet access is being viewed by THOUSANDS of people... because IT IS.


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## Flying_Dutchman

If your son was his primary concern he would've told you or deleted them himself right away. So, definitely an element of snooping and getting one over on you for some hard to garner reason.

I kept up with PC technology until about 2005. I, too have been surprised by the 'progress' of sites linking and sharing stuff. Thankfully, nothing embarassing in my case.

So, while I have some sympathy for you, I'd like to think that if I were uploading homemade nudies and pornos, I'd first check that I understood the technology I'm using.

You can film and upload whatever you like,, that's your choice as an adult. But, you have to acknowledge that your pix and vids became available to third parties due to your ignorance of the technology you were using. That is 100% your fault.

Your ex is wrong for not telling you immediately. You are wrong for allowing them to become available to him in the first place.

Your son's welfare should be the priority for both of you. Your ineptitude could've embarassed and shocked him,, as could your ex's failure to act immediately upon discovery.

BOTH of you have turned this into a petty, point-scoring blame-game,, making it all about you two rather than the potential embarassment of your child.

The crisis is over. The files are deleted. Make sure it doesn't happen again. Stop bickering like teenagers and move on with your seperate lives. Your son is your only shared interest and your immature squabbling taking precedence over his interests is lax parenting. It's also needless drama for others in your lives.

Wake up and quit it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Flying_Dutchman

Yup. I replied to the doppelganger. As did others. Can this one be deleted and the 'live' one moved to the correct forum if necessary?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HobbesTheTiger

What happened, as far as I can understand:
1. She logged onto her gmail account on her son's iPad, and unknown to her, it synchronized with the iPad, thus leaving them available on google drive. 
2. Her ex husband's GF found them by accident.
3. Her xH informed her of this after three weeks
4. Her xH went through all the photos, all the videos and through her email.
5. In those three weeks, he didn't tell her, but checked regularly for new "content".
6. She at first thanked him for this and told him she'd address this. After a while, in a calm manner, she told him she wasn't comfortable at how he handled the situation. In response, he told her he was curious and that's why he looked at everything; that as she did a nude photo shooting in her youth, she should be ok with someone looking at her nude photos (and apparently of her videos of her masturbating...). Also, he said that she was leading a promiscous and immoral lifestyle and that no nice man would want to stay with her.

So my thoughts on all that:
1. It was a mistake. Her fault was to not regularly check her sons iPad. However, my understanding is that those were available only in the google Drive. So her young son (age 6) would have to go to google, click on google drive, click login, then click "photos" or something, then see her photos. So it wasn't like it was just a click away from her son. I doubt most of us would wonder whether iPad saved the password for your google account on the iPad.

2. Why was her xh's GF using the sons iPad? And why did she logged into OP's google acount and went snooping through her google drive? It wasn't by accident. 

3. Her xh waited 3 weeks before informing her. Who knows why, but for three weeks he knowingly left their son at risk of entering his mum's google drive, or iPad automatically synchronizing with some other device. So he knowingly put their son at risk and her private photos/material at risk instead of informing her immediately.

4. He didn't stop after one or two photos, he viewed EVERYTHING and went through her emails. What possible justification is there for that? According to him, "curiousity". 

5. Instead of telling her immediately, he waited to see if there'd be any more material. Why? I guess he either wanted more material for himself or he hoped his son or someone else would have seen the photos etc.

6. He called her actions immoral and promiscious. Who is he to judge his xw for what she does in her own time? 

Anyway, I think OP did a small mistake that most technologically unsavy people would have done, while her XH and the GF did much bigger and wronger decisions that put their son and OP at risk and violated OP's privacy.


----------



## jin

The only fault of your ex was to wait 3 weeks to tell you. You have a reason to chew him out for that. But barely. Is your fault for letting the pictures on there in the first place.


----------



## Cynthia

IamSomebody said:


> It was not the ex-husband who found the photos, it was his GF. Why was this woman going through the son's tablet? She is not a parent, she is not even a step-parent. Boundaries need to be set up for this GF with a strong reminder she is not the parent. Where else is she overstepping her boundaries?


This line of thinking is a complete waste of time. The ex-husband is just as much a parent to their son as she is. He can do what he believes is appropriate. Complaining about it or trying to do something about it only creates more drama. This is what happens when people divorce and have children. They lose control over whatever the other parent is doing with the child. There are rare circumstances when something should be done, but even then, it is very difficult to do a thing about someone else's parenting. Once divorced, it's almost as if the other person is a stranger parenting a child with you. The only way to work through this is to be respectful and have an attitude of cooperation for doing what is right for the child. Trying to control the other person and their ideas if damaging and only makes matters worse.


----------



## Lostinthought61

Do you realize that if your son brought it to school and his had seen the pictures and it was taken by school official you would have been arrest for distribution of pornographic material? But I do agree your ex waited far too long and should have stop at just one pic...your both at fault....you for not being careful and him for being a A-hole


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## that.girl

How does he get to say he was "protecting your son from harm" when he knowingly left the pictures there for weeks? 

Wrong was done on both sides, but he shouldn't get to take the high road when he KNEW there was porn on the iPad and he intentionally left it there.


----------



## Revamped

After the initial shock and embarrassment wears off...

You'll laugh your azz off about this some day!!!

Come on, it was an accident! You learned, you took it off your son's tablet, you apologized...

Now it's time to get together with a few girlfriends, a few bottles of wine and have a blast telling this story!


----------



## WonkyNinja

HuggyBear said:


> You put nudies, artistic or not (the masturbation movies ARE porn), on your SON'S device... the "automatically synced" doesn't fly with me, since between my home and office we have apple, samsung, windows, and every brand of phone, tablet and laptop that anyone might own (even yotaphone!) and all of them actually make you use your fingers to sync it!


Sorry, it's not that simple. The default for all the Android devices that I've come across is for the Gallery app to sync to Google Drive by default. I can easily see how she missed that adding her Gmail acct to her sons tablet would cause her Google Drive photos to be visible on it. A lot of people probably aren't aware of their Google Drive if they don't use it.



> Just turn off the tablet with a password, as far as wifi and connectivity goes, and don't use it for your (self-questionable) personal "business".


It's not a matter of password protecting the device, it's a matter of preventing auto sync on the device that took the photos. She didn't realize that she had used it, she was just trying to get a few games from the Play Store. 
Since she's over 18, I assume, it's up to her what sort of photos she wants to send to her boyfriend.



> From now on, just ASSUME that everything you put online or on digital storage with internet access is being viewed by THOUSANDS of people... because IT IS.


On that point I agree with you.

I'm an engineer and I've been caught out with stuff syncing that I didn't want, it's not that hard a mistake to make.


----------



## WonkyNinja

HobbesTheTiger said:


> Anyway, I think OP did a small mistake that most technologically unsavy people would have done, while her XH and the GF did much bigger and wronger decisions that put their son and OP at risk and violated OP's privacy.


Agreed.

The OP should note that as long as her sons tablet has your Google account on it your XH or his GF can look at, or change, any of your Google or Gmail data.

You might want to create a new Google account for your son, you can keep control of it, and use that account for the tablet. You may have to rebuy any paid apps however as they can't be transferred.

It may sound like the right thing to tell XH to get a tablet for your son at his house but it's easier for everyone if your son has "his" tablet.

The same thing would have happened if you had been on iPhone and bought an iPad.


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## lordmayhem

Then he shouldn't have said a damn thing and let her son or someone else discover her pictures and videos. Its his fault after all. I bet he feels pretty stupid for saying anything in the first place and should have let things run its course and allow her to get embarassed.


----------



## Revamped

I remember...

The kids went to their dad's for the weekend. For me, Friday nights are our "sexy" time. Pull up a few vids (you know the kind), some Cap'n Morgan. Pretty nice, huh?

And the weekend goes nicely.

Until Sunday evening.

And we go pick up the kids. They get in the house, unload their gear. Go straight to the computer to catch up on their peeps weekend.

Yep, I forgot to X out PornHub!

My son, 15 at the time, says, "Mom, you PERV!"

I say, what? 

He says, "You SICKEN ME!!" He races upstairs with his sister in tow.



Yeah, oh well. Stuff happens...


----------



## GusPolinski

While I don't quite understand the propensity for people today to swap naughty pics, vids, and texts w/ others (or, at the very least, others to whom they're not married*), *you have every right to feel violated.* I can understand why your ex became angry and why he looked through everything (after all, as crappy as this is, he has a right to know what his child is _potentially_ being exposed to... right?) *BUT*... as soon as he realized that this was unintentional, he should have (a) contacted you _IMMEDIATELY_, and (b) told NO ONE ELSE about it.

And, while this was unfortunate and (I'm sure) quite embarrassing, I feel a need to point out that the pics didn't get there "accidentally". The synchronization is actually something that it enabled by default in the iCloud settings on your iPhone and iPad. To disable this functionality, do one (or both) of the following (both assume iOS 8.x)...

On your iPhone, go into Settings > iCloud > Photos, and toggle off the "iCloud Photo Library (Beta)" and "My Photo Stream" options. Please note that this will effectively eliminate the automatic backup of your photos of Apple's iCloud service. Additionally, any photos synched from your iPad to your iPhone may be lost on your iPhone. I'd test this, but I don't want to lose my pics. 

On your iPad... well, basically, all the same steps.

And, just to be safe, you may also want to toggle off the "iCloud Photo Sharing" option as well.

As an alternative to either of these options, you could also set up a separate iTunes/iCloud account for your son, and then link your account to his via the "Family Sharing" feature.

* Just to be clear, I'm not judging at all. It's just that, in this day and age of revenge porn, etc, I don't quite understand how so many people can so easily trust others w/ naked pics, etc. That's all.


----------



## IamSomebody

CynthiaDe said:


> This line of thinking is a complete waste of time. The ex-husband is just as much a parent to their son as she is. He can do what he believes is appropriate. Complaining about it or trying to do something about it only creates more drama. This is what happens when people divorce and have children. They lose control over whatever the other parent is doing with the child. There are rare circumstances when something should be done, but even then, it is very difficult to do a thing about someone else's parenting. Once divorced, it's almost as if the other person is a stranger parenting a child with you. The only way to work through this is to be respectful and have an attitude of cooperation for doing what is right for the child. Trying to control the other person and their ideas if damaging and only makes matters worse.


Reread my post to get it right. I said the GF was not a parent and had no business with the son's tablet.

IamSomebody


----------



## IamSomebody

I *strongly* urge the OP to change all her passwords, especially for her email account. I have no doubt the ex-husband is still hacking it and reading everything.

IamSomebody


----------



## Anon Pink

You're both absolutely foolish reckless parents!

You ex knew the potential for your son seeing these pics! And you! It is YOUR responsibility to ensure your X rated material doesn't fall into ANYONE else's hands, ever and most especially not your 6 year old child's!

Dear god woman! "I didn't know..." Only works in high school when you fail a test. The is real life with real consequences!

Grow up!

ETA, I have my own stash of self porn so my disgust has nothing to do with the content, but the stupid and lackadaisical manner in which your and your ex husband have treated it!

Your ex had every right to look through everything. How else could he know the extent of the damage to his son, potentially. I would have done the same damn thing!


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## spunkycat08

OP:

Why on earth did you do this... especially since you have a young son?


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## Wolf1974

The only thing I can fault your x for is waiting for weeks to tell you. Not because you deserve that but because his kiddo could have found that at any time. Scuzzy


That said this was your pictures and videos so that's on you. You're lucky a school administrator didn't find it or DHS likely would be called.


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## Starstarfish

I'm not sure hammering on your Ex about "invasion of privacy" is the way to go about this. What would happen if during your next custody/visitation/child support court meeting he happened to mention the fact that you accidentally or otherwise loaded self-made porn on to your son's device?

And you now have no way of knowing what kind of copies or backups of all that damning evidence your Ex has.


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## turnera

Just one more reason not to depend on computer companies (icloud, email, etc.) to keep your shyte secret. Once it's out there, it's out there for good. SOMEhow.

And I don't know how old you are, but I'm gonna go there - have some respect for yourself. Filming yourself masturbating so you can 'please' your boyfriend? Have some respect. Maybe if YOU do, HE will.


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## frusdil

I'm seriously shocked at some of these responses! My god! The woman made a mistake!

Her ex husband had NO business looking through everything on the tablet, nor her emails! And wtf was his girlfriend doing on the sons tablet? She has NO RIGHT to touch his stuff. She's a girlfriend, not a stepparent (and I'm a step mum).

Her ex should have shut it down at the first thumbnail, taken the tablet off the kid and told the OP immediately. His reason for looking through the pics and watching the videos was NOT to protect his son!! He was having a purve and probably jacking off to it.

Wow!


----------



## ConanHub

Revamped said:


> I remember...
> 
> The kids went to their dad's for the weekend. For me, Friday nights are our "sexy" time. Pull up a few vids (you know the kind), some Cap'n Morgan. Pretty nice, huh?
> 
> And the weekend goes nicely.
> 
> Until Sunday evening.
> 
> And we go pick up the kids. They get in the house, unload their gear. Go straight to the computer to catch up on their peeps weekend.
> 
> Yep, I forgot to X out PornHub!
> 
> My son, 15 at the time, says, "Mom, you PERV!"
> 
> I say, what?
> 
> He says, "You SICKEN ME!!" He races upstairs with his sister in tow.
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah, oh well. Stuff happens...


That really sucks. Kids need to feel safe. That shyt really can screw with a kid.


----------



## ConanHub

Anon Pink said:


> You're both absolutely foolish reckless parents!
> 
> You ex knew the potential for your son seeing these pics! And you! It is YOUR responsibility to ensure your X rated material doesn't fall into ANYONE else's hands, ever and most especially not your 6 year old child's!
> 
> Dear god woman! "I didn't know..." Only works in high school when you fail a test. The is real life with real consequences!
> 
> Grow up!
> 
> ETA, I have my own stash of self porn so my disgust has nothing to do with the content, but the stupid and lackadaisical manner in which your and your ex husband have treated it!
> 
> Your ex had every right to look through everything. How else could he know the extent of the damage to his son, potentially. I would have done the same damn thing!


I am sooooo with Anon on this! Stop being pissed off at your ex about your wounded fvcking pride and start caring about your child!!!

You come off as extremely selfish. Your stupidity almost permanently scarred your son! Be pissed at yourself!

Maybe you need to settle down and slow it down until you get in a safe LTR.

Do you think that playing with yourself on cam for a relatively new BF is so important?

You need to Mother the fvck up!!!!!

I am all for sexy play with your SO but you are irresponsible and maybe a bit frivolous with how much your sharing your twat over electronic devices!

Your damn right I am being harsh! You fvcking need it!!!

Your kid is way more important than any BF!

Get over this, care a lot more for your son and just be glad an adult found you being stupid on video instead of him!!!

If I were you, I would be forever grateful that this played out like it did.


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## jin

From the sounds of things its a good thing the GF had the tablet and find the pictures. 

Imagine if the son, his friends, another parent, or a teacher did. OP could be facing charges. On second thoughts OP would be better to apologise to her husband and thank the GF.

Who knows why the GF was using the tablet. Maybe she was helping the son with his homework.


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## ricky15100

ConanHub said:


> I am sooooo with Anon on this! Stop being pissed off at your ex about your wounded fvcking pride and start caring about your child!!!
> 
> You come off as extremely selfish. Your stupidity almost permanently scarred your son! Be pissed at yourself!
> 
> Maybe you need to settle down and slow it down until you get in a safe LTR.
> 
> Do you think that playing with yourself on cam for a relatively new BF is so important?
> 
> You need to Mother the fvck up!!!!!
> 
> I am all for sexy play with your SO but you are irresponsible and maybe a bit frivolous with how much your sharing your twat over electronic devices!
> 
> Your damn right I am being harsh! You fvcking need it!!!
> 
> Your kid is way more important than any BF!
> 
> Get over this, care a lot more for your son and just be glad an adult found you being stupid on video instead of him!!!
> 
> If I were you, I would be forever grateful that this played out like it did.


Completely agree!

My son has a tablet and I created a new Gmail account just for that device, I think you should do the same instead of whining about your wounded pride!


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## Hicks

I'm sorry. Expecting him not to look at all the pictures is insane. 

This is your mistake. Own it. Stop blaming anyone else.


----------



## Revamped

ConanHub said:


> That really sucks. Kids need to feel safe. That shyt really can screw with a kid.


I shared that story because I really did totally forget that I didn't close it out.

Your little wise crack about kids need to feel safe... Well my kids ARE safe. At the time they were 15 & 11. It wasn't like my 15 yr old boy didn't "secretly" look at porn himself.

And the whole ironic part of this? It wasn't me, it was my husband who did it. But I took the blame. I apologized to my boy, told him that it would never happen again. And it hasn't.

But for all of these indignant people saying what kind of terrible parent OP is, I just don't get it. She DID own up to it. She fixed the issue with her son's iPad. And it will NEVER happen again.

People are HUMAN, guys.

And a big salute to all the pervy women out there!


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## Starstarfish

> I'm seriously shocked at some of these responses! My god! The woman made a mistake!


I rarely see this kind of answer over in the CWI section. IE - I mean, come on, we are all just human and it was just a mistake right? 

Not all mistakes are made equal. 

And you can say that the issue is totally cleared up Revamped because it never happened again and it isn't that big a deal because your son was looking at porn too, but - there's a HUGE difference between your son discovering the reality of their parent as a sexual being at 15 and at 6. 

Please put it in perspective. If your 6 year old was over at a friend's house and another parent accidentally showed them self-made porn, would you be all "Haha - we all make mistakes" and give them a nudge and a wink or be mad? 

If you'd be mad - why?


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## that.girl

I don't think the OP was saying it was okay that the pictures were there. It wasn't okay. 

She was saying it was wrong of her ex to keep them there for weeks without telling her, browse them at his leisure, and discuss the issue with his friends, and not just come to her in the first place. 

I agree. And i think if the kid had found the pics after the dad knew they were there, dad would have been equally responsible. Fortunately the kid never found them!


----------



## Anon Pink

There is a huge difference between a 15 year old discovering evidence of his mother watching porn and a 6 year old walking around carrying with him, on his tablet, the evidence of his mother's porn starring attractions!

The 15 year old isn't confront with images staring his mother, her body in a highly sexualized way. He is merely being forced to confront something every kid has to confront, his mother is no virgin and in fact is a sexual woman.

When a child walks in on a parent having sex, they are confronted with the same thing but it is a momentary glimpse, too short of a glimpse in most circumstances to damage them. This glimpse is followed by a conversation in which reassuring explanations are given. It can be a healthy experience for the child to come to understand that mom,mor mom and dad are sexual beings and were sexual beings before becoming parents.

But when a 6 year old is confronted with images of his mother masturbating and posing provocatively, it's NO GLIMPSE! He has the opportunity to look his fill, like a car wreck on the highway he keeps looking trying to make sense of it. What's worse, unless this child asks about what he has seen no one will know he has seen those images and his lack of understanding never gets cleared up. This is a very damaging form of early sexualization.

Frankly, OP is lucky the ex and his GF didn't just call child protective services because this absolutely qualifies as child sexual abuse!

And sitting on this knowledge for 3 weeks in order to avoid an uncomfortable situation? Neither parent has a lick of sense!


----------



## bravenewworld

frusdil said:


> I'm seriously shocked at some of these responses! My god! The woman made a mistake!
> 
> Her ex husband had NO business looking through everything on the tablet, nor her emails! And wtf was his girlfriend doing on the sons tablet? She has NO RIGHT to touch his stuff. She's a girlfriend, not a stepparent (and I'm a step mum).
> 
> Her ex should have shut it down at the first thumbnail, taken the tablet off the kid and told the OP immediately. His reason for looking through the pics and watching the videos was NOT to protect his son!! He was having a purve and probably jacking off to it.
> 
> Wow!


Totally agree. Obviously she should have been more careful with the sexy clips she recorded, however, it is absolutely disgusting her ex and his gf chose to watch them beyond the first few seconds of "oops this is private stuff" realization. The fact he chose to wait 3 weeks before confronting while continuing to search her comp and fully watch more clips/read emails proves it was more for a voyeuristic thrill than anything else. Oh and those comments about "how good she looked" which absolutely made my skin crawl. 

If she accidentally left her purse on a park bench, and someone stole her wallet/credit cards - that person would still be a thief. Just because the wallet was easily accessible doesn't make the crime any less horrendous. I wouldn't be like "Well of course that person had to take her wallet and charge personal items on her credit cards. He needed to make sure there was sufficient funds on them! It's her fault for being dumb and forgetful." Um, no. Seriously, I'm wondering about anyone who thinks what her husband did was ok or says they would have behaved similarly. Yuck. :scratchhead:

Bottom line: She was careless, the gf is a snoop, and her ex is a perv. She has every right to be upset.


----------



## ConanHub

She accidentally left her twat on her small son's electronic device. I guess she should watch where she is waving that thing. If you are too fing stupid to control who sees your naked ass, don't be upset when they don't follow rules of privacy.

If she didn't want anyone doing anything with her amateur porn she should not have left it in her son's "lunch box" for show and tell. She should be pissed at herself.

Once you carelessly let your porn out, it seems stupid to be mad that anyone looked at it.

It really could have played out so much worse. Be thankful OP and be way more careful!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bravenewworld

ConanHub said:


> She accidentally left her twat on her small son's electronic device. I guess she should watch where she is waving that thing. If you are too fing stupid to control who sees your naked ass, don't be upset when they don't follow rules of privacy.
> 
> If she didn't want anyone doing anything with her amateur porn she should not have left it in her son's "lunch box" for show and tell. She should be pissed at herself.
> 
> Once you carelessly let your porn out, it seems stupid to be mad that anyone looked at it.
> 
> It really could have played out so much worse. Be thankful OP and be way more careful!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So if she accidentally left her credit card info saved on the amazon account on her son's iPad - it would be okay for her husband and his gf to charge a flat screen tv? Come on. We have a reasonable expectation of privacy and respect with people in our inner circle. I don't expect my father to steal my wallet or look at the videos on my phone if I leave him alone in my living room. 

In my opinion, you don't have "be thankful" when someone violates your privacy. Even if it could have been much worse. Also, referring to her genitalia in a demeaning way and calling her stupid is really uncalled for.


----------



## frusdil

Starstarfish said:


> I rarely see this kind of answer over in the CWI section. IE - I mean, come on, we are all just human and it was just a mistake right?


Your comment makes no sense...we're not in the CWI section and no one here is cheating.

The OP never said she thought it was harmless or ok for her pics to be on the iPad, she is horrified and sick over it. But she made a mistake. She's human. I didn't know that could happen with Google drive, did you???

Her ex is disgusting for purving on her like that. And his gf, omg.


----------



## ConanHub

bravenewworld said:


> So if she accidentally left her credit card info saved on the amazon account on her son's iPad - it would be okay for her husband and his gf to charge a flat screen tv? Come on. We have a reasonable expectation of privacy and respect with people in our inner circle. I don't expect my father to steal my wallet or look at the videos on my phone if I leave him alone in my living room.
> 
> In my opinion, you don't have "be thankful" when someone violates your privacy. Even if it could have been much worse. Also, referring to her genitalia in a demeaning way and calling her stupid is really uncalled for.


Leaving your credit card info on your small child's device is far different than leaving pictures of your naked ass and videos of you masturbating. Let us understand each other. I do not respect this woman.

She was very stupid and irresponsible with her sexuality around her child. The emotional/mental damage from seeing your mom engaged in various sex acts can be hard to undo. I am speaking from experience.

This woman did not have her privacy violated, she took her "privacy" and foolishly let it out on her small son's device.

Only thieves would use your lost credit card, anyone looking at your porn that you were stupid enough to let out there is not violating privacy. She let her privacy right out the door with her kid.

I would have looked my son's device over thoroughly had I been the dad. I would not have waited 3 weeks. I would have obtained legal counsel and possibly brought the law into play against a woman who was not being nearly careful enough with my son.

She is extremely fortunate. Her negligence could have cost her and her son so much more than a little embarrassment for mom.

Anyone that is careless with their porn deserves a little embarrassment at the least.

I find it funny and revealing that OP got mad. She is too self centered and selfish to realize just how bad this could have gone for her or to be so very thankful that her stupidity did not cost her son.

Again, yes she needs to be thankful. Had she been my ex, I am way less forgiving when it comes to the welfare of children.


----------



## jin

OP how sure are you your son has not seen your pictures and videos?


----------



## bravenewworld

ConanHub said:


> Leaving your credit card info on your small child's device is far different than leaving pictures of your naked ass and videos of you masturbating. Let us understand each other. I do not respect this woman.
> 
> She was very stupid and irresponsible with her sexuality around her child. The emotional/mental damage from seeing your mom engaged in various sex acts can be hard to undo. I am speaking from experience.
> 
> This woman did not have her privacy violated, she took her "privacy" and foolishly let it out on her small son's device.
> 
> Only thieves would use your lost credit card, anyone looking at your porn that you were stupid enough to let out there is not violating privacy. She let her privacy right out the door with her kid.
> 
> I would have looked my son's device over thoroughly had I been the dad. I would not have waited 3 weeks. I would have obtained legal counsel and possibly brought the law into play against a woman who was not being nearly careful enough with my son.
> 
> She is extremely fortunate. Her negligence could have cost her and her son so much more than a little embarrassment for mom.
> 
> Anyone that is careless with their porn deserves a little embarrassment at the least.
> 
> I find it funny and revealing that OP got mad. She is too self centered and selfish to realize just how bad this could have gone for her or to be so very thankful that her stupidity did not cost her son.
> 
> Again, yes she needs to be thankful. Had she been my ex, I am way less forgiving when it comes to the welfare of children.


The fact you speak from experience hinders your perspective on this thread because you seem unable to look at the situation objectively or recognize the fact that your exact situation is not THIS situation. 

Fact - the clips were accessed via a shared drive, it's not like she deliberately put the clips on the device. While potential existed for her son to view them, there's no "law" to bring into play. If the above was a crime, every parent in America would be jailed for giving their kid any type of internet access as the potential exists to view pornographic websites. 

In fact, I would bet your attorney would advise you to keep your eyes to yourself and your mouth shut, as the fact you accessed her personal drive on a device that doesn't belong to you and where it could be traced how long you spent rooting around would not be looked upon kindly by a judge or jury. There are revenge porn laws and depending on what state this occurred in it would possibly go beyond a privacy and personal ethics violation. 

She made a mistake. Her son did not see the clips. What her ex did was uncalled for, an invasion of privacy, and disgusting. People can accidentally be careless with their wallets, cell phones, and home-made porn. Regardless - it doesn't warrant them being violated and I'm not sure what kind of person revels in the misfortune of others. 

You've made your disdain and lack of empathy clear. As I have now made my position clear as well, I will withdraw from this thread. 

OP - You have a right to your feelings. Don't let anyone on this thread use their personal baggage to convince you otherwise.


----------



## manfromlamancha

OP, I have read your thread and am sorry that you are in this situation. Here are my views:


True, it is unfortunate that you pictures and videos got transferred to your sons tablet but this is not really your fault. It was a genuine mistake and could have happened to many without them knowing.

Your ex and his gf on the other hand, are complete and utter [email protected] for viewing them in their entirety, continuing to do so for some time before telling you and even going so far as to read your email, all of which was completely unwarranted.

Some of the posters here are going overboard with their (completely unwarranted) comments - do not pay any attention to them. You KNOW that you did not intentionally do this. Make sure you take the time to find out all there is to know about how these things work or else do not take pics on your phones etc.

You have every right to be mad at them and to also protect yourself against them. Have you consulted an attorney on this matter yet ?

It is a shame that you cannot do more about this since (a) he is a man (loosely) and physically stronger than you and that would result in you ending up in jail; and (b) would not change much about the situation other than to make it worse. If I was your bf, I would be offended with him and have a "discussion" with him. I am not advocating your bf do this unless he knows how to handle himself and not lose it. It might send the right message to your ex and his "gf".

As for him using your nude modelling as a reason to justify perversely watching your videos and pics, is bull$h!t. He is just a pervert. Also him worrying about you being able to find a nice guy is equally bull$h!t. Tell him so!

His bull$h!t email was just to "impress" your parents that he is a good guy and is manipulative to say the least. I would get advice from an attorney on him withholding info about access to your son or drop off times etc asap.

I would send him an email asking him to ensure that (you will have a record of his reply by email) he has not kept any copies of (or uploaded them to the Internet) the pics, videos or unlawfully accessed emails as it would be a violation of privacy etc. I would spell out in unmistakable terms, that he has no right to withhold info regarding your son. And finally ask him to first acknowledge his wrongdoing in writing before you answer any other emails from him. Needless to say, get an attorney's advice first.

Take care of yourself and get some legal advice asap - do not wait around for the next boot to drop.


----------



## ConanHub

You need to know what a device does and how it works before exposing yourself to the world. OP was totally responsible, or irresponsible, for her porn getting out. No one else to blame. Don't get in a car if you don't know how to drive.

Brave, you and I will just disagree here. I believe OP to be somewhat sexually irresponsible.

You apparently believe that letting your smut out in your son's "lunch box" could happen to anyone. You must see people as far less intelligent and responsible than I.

I not only am talking from experience, you apparently believe your theoretical guess work more accurate, I have done a lot of research and study on human sexuality and the effects this kind of thing can have on children.

Anon is exactly correct that this is far different than catching your parents.


----------



## ConanHub

manfromlamancha said:


> OP, I have read your thread and am sorry that you are in this situation. Here are my views:
> 
> 
> True, it is unfortunate that you pictures and videos got transferred to your sons tablet but this is not really your fault. It was a genuine mistake and could have happened to many without them knowing.
> 
> Your ex and his gf on the other hand, are complete and utter [email protected] for viewing them in their entirety, continuing to do so for some time before telling you and even going so far as to read your email, all of which was completely unwarranted.
> 
> Some of the posters here are going overboard with their (completely unwarranted) comments - do not pay any attention to them. You KNOW that you did not intentionally do this. Make sure you take the time to find out all there is to know about how these things work or else do not take pics on your phones etc.
> 
> You have every right to be mad at them and to also protect yourself against them. Have you consulted an attorney on this matter yet ?
> 
> It is a shame that you cannot do more about this since (a) he is a man (loosely) and physically stronger than you and that would result in you ending up in jail; and (b) would not change much about the situation other than to make it worse. If I was your bf, I would be offended with him and have a "discussion" with him. I am not advocating your bf do this unless he knows how to handle himself and not lose it. It might send the right message to your ex and his "gf".
> 
> As for him using your nude modelling as a reason to justify perversely watching your videos and pics, is bull$h!t. He is just a pervert. Also him worrying about you being able to find a nice guy is equally bull$h!t. Tell him so!
> 
> His bull$h!t email was just to "impress" your parents that he is a good guy and is manipulative to say the least. I would get advice from an attorney on him withholding info about access to your son or drop off times etc asap.
> 
> I would send him an email asking him to ensure that (you will have a record of his reply by email) he has not kept any copies of (or uploaded them to the Internet) the pics, videos or unlawfully accessed emails as it would be a violation of privacy etc. I would spell out in unmistakable terms, that he has no right to withhold info regarding your son. And finally ask him to first acknowledge his wrongdoing in writing before you answer any other emails from him. Needless to say, get an attorney's advice first.
> 
> Take care of yourself and get some legal advice asap - do not wait around for the next boot to drop.


While you and I disagree on this one, I am not so arrogant as to tell OP to ignore you. I am glad you have such a high opinion of yourself to tell OP to ignore everyone you disagree with. She could find value in all the advice and opinions expressed.

A good lawyer might get something on her ex but will definitely get her on negligence. She should protect herself but going after her ex more than likely will go worse for her.

Her ex is really in a better position legally.

No this is not something that could just happen to anybody. If OP is not responsible for figuring out what the hell she is doing then who is?

My wife and I thoroughly investigated and learned how devices work before successfully sending each other dirty pics and as a result of our due diligence, little children and other people have been spared viewing our private smut.

If our stuff got out I would accept full responsibility and I might be embarrassed if someone saw it but would be glad no children saw it.


----------



## Revamped

But the 6 yr old DIDN'T see it.

I agree up to the point, he didn't SEE it...


----------



## ConanHub

P.S. I do believe that OPs ex has behaved questionably and I do not condone that. I just think it a secondary issue and if nothing else comes of it, OP is very fortunate.

The kid finding his momma smut at school in front of other children and teachers may have had far more severe consequences than embarrassment.


----------



## ConanHub

Revamped said:


> But the 6 yr old DIDN'T see it.
> 
> I agree up to the point, he didn't SEE it...


That is like saying that the loaded gun you left in your kid's backpack did not wound or kill him when it went off.

All good? Right? No harm no fowl?


----------



## Revamped

Way different.

And you know that...


----------



## ConanHub

Just because your kid dodges a "bullet" shot by your irresponsible behavior does not make it all right or just fine.

I have said my two and a half cents. I don't believe others have bad advice for OP just a way different POV than I.

Honestly, if some of you can't see just how bad this easily could have unfolded for OP and her son and how truly fortunate she is then our minds are too alien to meet on this one.

Again, I don't think many of OPs EXs actions were honorable or even that responsible. I don't think he is a paragon of virtue or a gentleman. I don't think it is the paramount issue here.

Cheers folks.


----------



## Revamped

Conan, I agree with you. It could have gone horribly wrong.

BUT IT DIDN'T.

It was a learning experience. Just like ALL parents go through.


----------



## jin

*Re: Re: Exhusband found my private pictures on our sons Pad, it totally escalated! Wh*



Revamped said:


> But the 6 yr old DIDN'T see it.
> 
> I agree up to the point, he didn't SEE it...


Well OP assumes her son has not seen it. How would a 6yr old react to seeing something like that? Would he even be able to talk about it?


----------



## ConanHub

Revamped said:


> Conan, I agree with you. It could have gone horribly wrong.
> 
> BUT IT DIDN'T.
> 
> It was a learning experience. Just like ALL parents go through.


Will absolutely disagree that all parents screw up like this. My children were never put at risk like this. Parents absolutely need to put their children's well being above their sexual gratification. Especially with a child from a broken home that is dealing with confusion and pain already.

This could not just "happen" to anyone and it doesn't just happen. OP was paying more attention to satisfying herself and her BF than making sure her son was protected from it. Her priorities were out of focus at least.

Had her son's protection been her highest priority, she would have fully explored and learned about the risky sexual behavior she was about to engage in.

Anyone with their brain in the game knows cybersex is risky and should be undertaken very carefully with education first.

OP did not bother to find out that there could even be a risk to her son.

Never happened in my household for a reason. We found out what we were playing with well in advance of our playtime.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Revamped

Oh, hogwash.

You're acting like this is such a bloody travesty and the kid is in serious DANGER.

HE'S NOT.

A tablet, that belongs to his mother, got loaded with material not suited for a child. Buried deep enough that a SIX yr old would have had NO way to find it, unless an ADULT pointed it out to him.

Which, thank heaven, NOONE did.

Let it die down.


----------



## Starstarfish

You obviously have never watched a modern six year old to see how well kids navigate technology.


----------



## Anon Pink

None of my kids are allowed to use my iPad unless I'm sitting right next to them. Ever. It's pass word protected. I wish kindle apps also had a password incryption but last I checked Amazon hasn't done it yet, although lots of kindle users are screaming for it. 

My galaxy phone is not only pass word protected the pics are also password protected and I have pics move to a pass word protected file. So that 3 pass words to get to the naughty stuff on my phone, which is never synched with my iPad, cause Apple and droid don't synch easily.

The point is...technology is the parents responsibility. 

A bell, once rung, cannot be unrung.

Yes, it was on the sleezy side, that ex and his GF snooped till their hearts content. But if you change in front of an open window, you have only yourself to blame when the neighbors watch you change!


----------



## ConanHub

Revamped said:


> Oh, hogwash.
> 
> You're acting like this is such a bloody travesty and the kid is in serious DANGER.
> 
> HE'S NOT.
> 
> A tablet, that belongs to his mother, got loaded with material not suited for a child. Buried deep enough that a SIX yr old would have had NO way to find it, unless an ADULT pointed it out to him.
> 
> Which, thank heaven, NOONE did.
> 
> Let it die down.


Hogwash yourself. You and I simply have assigned differing levels of importance to preventing this.

You do not consider it nearly as important as I do. It is a very high priority in my house to prevent this. It appears to not be so with you and definitely not OP.

I think that is where the disconnect is coming from. I consider this to not have an excuse and could have easily been prevented if anyone had cared to make it a priority. I also consider the damage that could have been incurred to be unacceptable.

This simply does not seem to be how you view it. It should not be that high of a priority and the aftermath is an acceptable risk.

Just two different priority levels.


----------



## manfromlamancha

I need to make a few points here because all of the commentary here is not really focussing on the true villain here - her ex. There seems to be a lynch mob mentality prevailing when it comes to a woman having healthy sex. So here is my tuppence worth:


Half the people I know (adults) are still coping with the constant changes to Facebook's privacy settings and have problems with other iPhone or Android related technology. Keeping up with this is tough for even some hardened "techies". So yes, this does happen to many, many people who simply now have given up and either don't take pics with their iPhone or keep cloud backups etc out of their lives (having learned some bitter lessons) - yes learning experiences for many other "adults".

Anyone here who says that they are more responsible when it comes to technology and fully understand all the technology that they are dealing with in terms of smart phones, computers, software, cloud technology, the internet in general, security, backups and computer imaging are putting themselves and their kids at risk because they think they know everything there is to know about all the related technology. Be careful - you don't. And putting your life on hold completely because of this is not possible and not healthy.

She did not put the pics and vids on the tablet! They got backed up or synced to it without her knowing.

The OP is completely entitled to a healthy sex life - especially difficult when you are having a LDR and being able to do what she does with her boyfriend is much better than cheating isn't it? I believe and have seen for myself that repressed sex lives because you want to be "safe" in case of discovery leads to twisted human beings and associated consequences all round. People here think that she was acting in a particularly depraved way - cannot see this. People think she put her sexual desires ahead of her son's well being - do not see this at all.

Also much better than prying into other peoples pics, videos and emails.

Whether her son saw or didn't see the pics and videos, it happens, was a genuine mistake and has nothing to do with the behaviour of her ex and his gf. This behaviour includes prying into her emails, looking at her pics/vids for an extended time, and then to top it off, threatening her and behaving in a [email protected] fashion with regard to her son.

Anyone who thinks she would be better off not sexting or having long distance sex with her LDR boyfriend to protect her son is deluded. Her ex is probably more dangerous to her kid in that he has already proven to be a perv and a snoop.

So OP, once again, ensure that you are protected against your ex legally.


----------



## Zouz

So there is here a double standard or what ?
it is ok to have those selfies and clips as long as the kid didn't see them ?

you are lucky he didn't .

Well if you dare sending them to TAM with your name and address; and an HD copy to me , knowing I am in a sexless marriage 
then your husband is exagerating .:scratchhead:


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## stevend1961

My opinion is this, you both are divorced, you are no longer tied to each other in any way except by your son. If it was an accident then thats what it was, nothing more or nothing less an accident. Your ex has seen you naked obviously duhhhhh, so its not new news to him. He shouldve deleted the pics, informed you that there were some innapropriate pictures found on the pad, and then you should've deleted them , and found out how they got on there and fixed the problem. Personaly it is not any more of the ex husbands business as to what , how or why you are doing anything with your own body . It no longer belongs to him. 
if he found one he shouldve informed you about what he found, and stopped investigating it from there. personaly I think he is a slob for going through pics of you with his "girl friend" I can just hear the conversation, and comparisons going on, what a pile of excriment. 
Dont worry about it , and move on. Itsw your business not his period.


----------



## arbitrator

Hindsight being 20/20, any grown person has absolutely no inherent business of posting up lurid or even "artistic" photos of themselves or any other person onto an electronic device, and then handing it over to a child to use for his personal edification.

So many things can innocently go wrong with that scenario. Buried so deeply in there that no one will find them might seem plausible, but it only takes one time for that child to innocently access those pics before others at his school, that everyone would have known about it, greatly to the point that everyone there would have known about it and would have summoned the legal authorities there to confiscate the device. You would have been summarily contacted by them and hauled in for questioning, and in some jurisdictions you could have been even arrested and charged, causing you to have to shell out for precursors legal fees and bail before they were even able to get the pending Judge or DA to quash the proceedings.

In as far as the scumbag XH is concerned, he had no real right to peruse those pics, but there is little to nothing that you could do to him or his current squeeze in either innocently or wantonly accessing them for their prurient pleasure. But if he or anyone else disperses those pics of yours as your "intellectual property," to some other third party, then they may well find themselves in some legal entanglement all their own.

Long story short, if you must place photos of that magnitude onto an electronic device, just make good damned and sure that you have "rigid" control of it and that it is firmly secured by you and only you!

Much like a weapon or a firearm, you are totally responsible if it ultimately comes to harm some innocent third party, by your not adequately controlling it!


----------



## old red

count yourself lucky that your ex didn't use this information to increase his custody rights for your son. as for snooping, you take care of his flesh and blood for 60% of the time - of course he is going to snoop and find out everything he can about the carer for his beloved son. copies may have been made for future use. if you are going to participate in risky behavior, please do your research and keep you and your son safe.


----------



## Zouz

old red said:


> count yourself lucky that your ex didn't use this information to increase his custody rights for your son. as for snooping, you take care of his flesh and blood for 60% of the time - of course he is going to snoop and find out everything he can about the carer for his beloved son. copies may have been made for future use. if you are going to participate in risky behavior, please do your research and keep you and your son safe.


It is not only lucky ,her ex is a gentlmen because he didn't use it legally ; and she is disturbed because he talked about it with her ...


To compare what I am saying to similar event ;

A friend of mine (divorced) had her son at home with an adult when she was taking dinner with her boyfriend ; At 2 am the 7 yrs old boy decided to make a walk alone ; he was lost ; he called his mom ;scared to death she called police who found him in a nearby place .

The Ex used this in court to get the maximum benefits from his spouse ...

If I were her , I would have even apologized ....


----------



## BuddyL33

Delete the pics from the Cloud and move on. The damage is done. You can't undo it. There is no point in discussing the matter further. You ****ed up, but ignorance isn't a defense. 

By ****ed up, I don't mean that taking naughty pics is a bad thing. I'm all for it. Hell, my gf and I exchange the occasional ones. But you need to be aware of the technology you are using. Almost every thing out there is set to auto sync with some form of cloud storage. Disable that crap. Otherwise you're bound to have something seen that you don't want seen. 

Be thankful your kid didn't see it.


----------



## Blondilocks

The husband has plenty of ammo if he wants to go for full custody and no child support. Hence, the continued checking over three weeks. Is it common for a 6 year old to have an i-pad? Just curious.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

DoF said:


> Any parent has a right to see what their CHILD is doing on whatever device.
> 
> I don't agree with you there.
> 
> That is completely crazy to call "snooping".
> 
> Parent should have access to ANYTHING their child has access to. It's not Op's Exes fault she has no idea about the technology she chooses to use and abuse.


The GIRLFRIEND is NOT the parent. That is my point. She had no right doing what she did.


----------



## MaritimeGuy

There appears to be an assumption here that a 6 year seeing sexual videos of his mother is somehow as dangerous to him as getting hold of a handgun. Are the two really equivalent? 

In my mind other than maybe having a few uncomfortable questions I don't see a 6 year old being too concerned about seeing his mother nude masturbating. Unless someone around him reacted strongly it wouldn't even leave much of an imprint at that age. 

I'm not advocating intentionally making it possible for young children to view inappropriate material but let's get some perspective. We're so hung up on nudity and sex yet most 6 year olds have probably seen 100's of murders on television. God forbid they see a booby. That's going to turn them into deviants.


----------



## michzz

Now that you know that you mistakenly let your intimate videos and pictures be seen on your son's tablet, then you need to create a second gmail account to handle that tablet use and make sure you don't use your personal account on that tablet.

I don''t blame your ex-H whatsoever for poking around on that tablet. It's his kid too. His girlfriend was probably checking out what the child was doing and stumbled across what you had there. That's on you for not making that thing private.

There should not be any access to adult material for a 6-year-old no matter how accidentally that happens.

Be smarter about tech than you have been.


----------



## CantePe

*Re: Re: Exhusband found my private pictures on our sons Pad, it totally escalated! Wh*



HuggyBear said:


> You put nudies, artistic or not (the masturbation movies ARE porn), on your SON'S device... the "automatically synced" doesn't fly with me, since between my home and office we have apple, samsung, windows, and every brand of phone, tablet and laptop that anyone might own (even yotaphone!) and all of them actually make you use your fingers to sync it!
> 
> Come on, you let your kid walk around town and country with this thing, using any free McWifi or whatever was "convenient", kind of like the "convenience" of probably using the cam, too.
> 
> Don't balme your husband for looking, even "rubbernecking" with his partner over several weeks at what's been going down... it's like slowing down to check out a wreck or incident on the side of the highway. Brutal, but succinct, I hope.
> 
> How to "fix it"? Start at home! Get yourself together, realize where we ALL are at, technologically speaking, and ASSUME it is 1984!
> 
> Step up! Get off the cam, respect yourself! If your ex said you look good, take it as a compliment, not as a backhanded joke. Just turn off the tablet with a password, as far as wifi and connectivity goes, and don't use it for your (self-questionable) personal "business".
> 
> From now on, just ASSUME that everything you put online or on digital storage with internet access is being viewed by THOUSANDS of people... because IT IS.


Actually, nexus google phones auto sync and it is the default setting with google drive. I have two google nexus 5 phones in my household and both came out of box with the default setting to auto sync. Had to turn it off manually.


----------



## BrockLanders

I think this is much ado over nothing. Once the husband found the naked pic do you really think he's going to stop looking? Especially if you've modeled in the past and are likely pleasant to look at? Delete the pics, learn to hide your private stuff better and have a laugh at what happened.


----------



## MysticTeenager

I understand that you are embarrassed. Your ex is a jerk to tell all his friends and constantly talk about it. But what do you expect? He is your ex, not your husband. He doesnt have to worry about your or protect you or defend you. And so many other people would have looked. 
Delete all the stuff. And move on. When you decide to take these photos and videos, there is always a risk of you getting hacked or something like this happen and you wil end up humiliated. 

Your ex doesnt have to listen to you and think all about your feelings and how to sugar coat it for you. Again, he is your EX husband. NOT your husband.


----------



## MysticTeenager

3Xnocharm said:


> Awfully judgy, here. Just because YOU dont understand the "goal" of taking pics like these, does not mean that others have to think like you do. What she does in her private life has nothing to do with her son, and she is within her rights to take pics and videos as she wishes. Who are YOU to say what is right or wrong in other people's private sex lives?
> 
> I cannot imagine the horror she felt that these ended up synched on the tablet.  The whole situation is messed up. First off the ex's GIRLFRIEND had NO RIGHT to be using the tablet that the OP provided for her son. Clearly, she was purposely snooping for OP's private information. She is a low life. And that the XH kept this from her for three weeks, purposely checking for new content, is just disgusting on his part! Especially since HE KNEW that the son may be able to find the content in the meantime by him saying nothing! That is a bigger fail in my opinion than the OP being unaware that this stuff sychs up between the devices.


:iagree:

I also think your ex is a bit of a jerk, and so is his girlfriend. She shouldnt have been going through his iPad. But the damage is done. And you cant expect anything nicer from them due to your history.


----------



## WonkyNinja

Blondilocks said:


> What is so funny is the op knows she has nude photos floating around on the internet, but she is indignant that her privacy has been violated? It's not like her husband saw something that he hadn't seen before. And, his girlfriend certainly knows what girl parts look like.
> 
> The girlfriend didn't go snooping around in the op's house - the ipad was in her home. People only have an expectation of privacy in their own home.


What rubbish. That is straight up victim blaming. If you have stuff on a private storage then you should be able to assume that it isn't for open viewing, although most people would also take additional precautions to ensure that, such as encryption etc.

That is the same mentality that blamed the recent celebrities whose iCloud accounts were hacked rather than blaming the ***holes who did the hacking and publishing.

If you go out and forget to lock your door, or lock it but with a lock that I know how to pick that doesn't entitle me to enter your home and steal your stuff. 

She made a mistake. Her ex chose not to alert her to that mistake when he could have done and enabled the stuff to be accessible from the sons tablet for an additional 3 weeks.


----------



## Blondilocks

She's only a victim if you think her privacy was violated. No one hacked her accounts. She unknowingly put the data on her son's i-pad and sent him to school, dad's and friends with it. She might be stupid, but she's not a victim.


----------



## turnera

She didn't store it ON the device. The device SYNCED to the site on which she had stored it.


----------



## CantePe

*Re: Re: Exhusband found my private pictures on our sons Pad, it totally escalated! Wh*



turnera said:


> She didn't store it ON the device. The device SYNCED to the site on which she had stored it.


Not even, she didn't store it on a site. Her phone synced to the same account that has a back up storage. That account was then used for the tablet (because now a days all new devices either need an apple id or a google id to function) and it synced that same account to the new device.

Microsoft does this as well with their windows 8 products and hotmail or outlook software. Every manufacturer is now cross platform with their devices.

I can sync across my laptop to my phone then to my tablet (if my phone was a windows phone). Any android device can do this with google accounts. Apple products are started the cross platform software revolution.

I get the idea of it, being able to access your info : work schedule or field workers where they are when they are, a picture, a document straight from the cloud drive. Anywhere, anytime.

This isn't OPs fault. I don't agree with either the girlfriend or ex looking at those pictures, I definitely think he was wrong to wait to inform her of her unfortunate situation that happened without her knowledge (especially not three weeks, to me that's a red flag violation of privacy. She doesn't owe him transparency unless it is about co-parenting and nothing but)

He is the one in the wrong. Not her.


----------



## ConanHub

Revamped said:


> I shared that story because I really did totally forget that I didn't close it out.
> 
> Your little wise crack about kids need to feel safe... Well my kids ARE safe. At the time they were 15 & 11. It wasn't like my 15 yr old boy didn't "secretly" look at porn himself.
> 
> And the whole ironic part of this? It wasn't me, it was my husband who did it. But I took the blame. I apologized to my boy, told him that it would never happen again. And it hasn't.
> 
> But for all of these indignant people saying what kind of terrible parent OP is, I just don't get it. She DID own up to it. She fixed the issue with her son's iPad. And it will NEVER happen again.
> 
> People are HUMAN, guys.
> 
> And a big salute to all the pervy women out there!


Your situation is quite a bit different than Ops. Do not mean to come off as hard towards what happened with you as I did with OP.

We just put it as a much higher priority in our house. Any devices in our house that my wife and I used, for any reason, were off limits to our children.

Our kids have never had the opportunity to "stumble" across anything that might be construed as steamy, much less Mrs. Conan and my private porn to each other.

BTW. Why didn't your H step up and talk to your son about it?


----------



## Revamped

I felt, as the parent, things that go wrong are my responsibility.

If my husband would have stepped in, my son could have held a different opinion of him and that would change their step parent relationship. They do pretty well on their own, so I felt it best to keep my husband looking more of a good hearted soul rather than the -perv- I married.

Does that make any sense?


----------



## ConanHub

Revamped said:


> I felt, as the parent, things that go wrong are my responsibility.
> 
> If my husband would have stepped in, my son could have held a different opinion of him and that would change their step parent relationship. They do pretty well on their own, so I felt it best to keep my husband looking more of a good hearted soul rather than the -perv- I married.
> 
> Does that make any sense?


Sure does. I was wondering if it was a family dynamic thing. Makes perfect sense.


----------



## EleGirl

Baseballmom6 said:


> "Who are YOU to say what is right or wrong in other people's private sex lives?"
> 
> Once uploaded, sent, shared, etc. through any electronic means it's really not private anymore is it!


One thing I learned early on is that when some guys feel no responsibility to an ex. These sorts of pics/videos get passed around quite often. And this was long before the internet. Thank goodness I learned this by watching what some guys did with pics for other women they dated.

Because I saw guys doing this, I have never allowed any racy photos to be taken of me. 

With cell phones and the internet it's worse today, much worse. People just do not realize that as soon as the photo/video are sent out on a cell phone on are put on the internet they lose control over what is done with them and who has them.


----------



## CantePe

*Re: Re: Exhusband found my private pictures on our sons Pad, it totally escalated! Wh*



Baseballmom6 said:


> "Who are YOU to say what is right or wrong in other people's private sex lives?"
> 
> Once uploaded, sent, shared, etc. through any electronic means it's really not private anymore is it!


They were privately sent to someone else, this does not imply consent for another person to view them nor does it imply consent for the person it was sent to to share them with others (not that the person it was sent to shared them at all in this situation, not saying that)

There in lies my exact reason for never sending any racy pictures to anyone ever, not even my husband. They could end up anywhere.


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## Baseballmom6

*Re: Exhusband found my private pictures on our sons Pad, it totally escalated! Wh*



CantePe said:


> They were privately sent to someone else, this does not imply consent for another person to view them nor does it imply consent for the person it was sent to to share them with others (not that the person it was sent to shared them at all in this situation, not saying that)
> 
> There in lies my exact reason for never sending any racy pictures to anyone ever, not even my husband. They could end up anywhere.


I was quoting a previous poster response when I put "Who are YOU to say what is right or wrong in other people's private sex lives?"

I totally agree with you and personally I would never send racy photos to anyone either for that exact reason.


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## vellocet

Guess I made a little too much sense, my posts are gone.


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## Deejo

Anyone care to illustrate for me the difference between a 6 year old seeing a naked picture of mom or dad, verus the surprise walk in while you're doing it doggy style? 

Of course you thought the pictures/videos were private.

Of course you thought you had locked the bedroom door.

Sh!t happens.

I have no issue with making proactive recommendations about fair play, security or being tech savvy.

We could do without the judgmental bullsh!t, that her husband is better off and suggesting she could lose her child. It's a farce.

As for guys that become bitter and decide to upload intimate content during or after a relationship ... they suck.

I have more than my fair share of intimate content. It is encrypted and password protected, stored locally on a physical drive or deleted.

A breach of trust and your own sense of fair play is just that, a breach, whether you are still coupled or not.

The ex and his GF had absolutely NO business going through her device, looking at her email or looking at her cloud content ... none.

I send my son home to his mother with my ipad all of the time. I would be dumbfounded if I were ever to find out she, or her partner were going through my 'stuff'. The ipad went home so my son could play Skylanders, not so my ex could see who I'm banging.


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## Deejo

About 20 posts that were off topic were deleted.

OP is asking for advice, not whether her extra curricular activities are acceptable to the forum.

Oh ... and my question above was rhetorical. Please don't anyone bother to respond. 

I'll delete that too.


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## vellocet

Deejo said:


> The ex and his GF had absolutely NO business going through her device, looking at her email or looking at her cloud content ... none.
> 
> I send my son home to his mother with my ipad all of the time. I would be dumbfounded if I were ever to find out she, or her partner were going through my 'stuff'. The ipad went home so my son could play Skylanders, not so my ex could see who I'm banging.


They weren't looking through HER device. This was their son's device. Last I checked, parents do, and should, make sure their children's tablets, laptops, whatever, are clear of any inappropriate content.

Now its unfortunate that she didn't know enough to not use the same account and they synced with her device. But they weren't spying on her. They saw the content on their son's tablet, not the X's.

You better believe that I am going to make sure my kids aren't doing anything appropriate on their electronics. If somehow their mother's nude pictures wind up on their devices, intentional or not, its not my fault if I run across them. Parents SHOULD check their kids devices.


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## vellocet

Deejo said:


> About 20 posts that were off topic were deleted.
> 
> OP is asking for advice, not whether her extra curricular activities are acceptable to the forum.
> 
> Oh ... and my question above was rhetorical. Please don't anyone bother to respond.
> 
> I'll delete that too.


This came after my last post. However I will say it is *completely on topic*, and I didn't answer your rhetorical question, because one of the premises of the thread is that the H violated her privacy. No, he didn't. He wasn't snooping through her device. Now, the blabbing to friends about it, yes, he was in the wrong there.


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## CantePe

*Re: Re: Exhusband found my private pictures on our sons Pad, it totally escalated! Wh*



vellocet said:


> They weren't looking through HER device. This was their son's device. Last I checked, parents do, and should, make sure their children's tablets, laptops, whatever, are clear of any inappropriate content.
> 
> Now its unfortunate that she didn't know enough to not use the same account and they synced with her device. But they weren't spying on her. They saw the content on their son's tablet, not the X's.
> 
> You better believe that I am going to make sure my kids aren't doing anything appropriate on their electronics. If somehow their mother's nude pictures wind up on their devices, intentional or not, its not my fault if I run across them. Parents SHOULD check their kids devices.


Really? He didn't tell her for three weeks and kept checking for new content...that isn't spying on her?

Then what's your definition of spying on someone?


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## Deejo

vellocet said:


> They weren't looking through HER device. This was their son's device. Last I checked, parents do, and should, make sure their children's tablets, laptops, whatever, are clear of any inappropriate content.
> 
> Now its unfortunate that she didn't know enough to not use the same account and they synced with her device. But they weren't spying on her. They saw the content on their son's tablet, not the X's.
> 
> You better believe that I am going to make sure my kids aren't doing anything appropriate on their electronics. If somehow their mother's nude pictures wind up on their devices, intentional or not, its not my fault if I run across them. Parents SHOULD check their kids devices.












Oh ... nevermind.


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## vellocet

*Re: Exhusband found my private pictures on our sons Pad, it totally escalated! Wh*



CantePe said:


> Really? He didn't tell her for three weeks and kept checking for new content...that isn't spying on her?


No, it is his SON's tablet.

Now I won't deny that him going all over blabbing to friends is wrong.

If it were me and I saw that, I'd take the tablet to her and tell her what I found and that she needs to learn how to keep this off HIS tablet. 

I certainly wouldn't blab to friends about what I found. I'd be too embarrassed to.



> Then what's your definition of spying on someone?


Going through THEIR stuff. But I will concede that he should have brought it to her attention after finding it the first time.


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## that.girl

HER account, on the tablet that she bought for a 6 year old. 

When talking about a child that young, ownership is tricky. It's only "his" because he's the primary user. Mom bought it, she loads content with her accounts, and if it broke she would have to replace it. Which of them "owns" the tablet is just semantics.

We can only comfortably say that Dad doesn't own it.

She should have some reasonable right to privacy on her account, on the tablet she lets her son use. If the dad finds something questionable, he should tell her. Not secretly browse her nudie pics and read her email for three weeks. Finding the pics may not be spying, but continuing to monitor the account is.


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## Cynthia

It is perfectly acceptable for a father to check the electronics his young child has. It is the responsible thing to do. Now what he did after finding the stuff is another story, but to say that he shouldn't be checking into what is on his son's device is daft.


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## vellocet

CynthiaDe said:


> It is perfectly acceptable for a father to check the electronics his young child has. It is the responsible thing to do. Now what he did after finding the stuff is another story, but to say that he shouldn't be checking into what is on his son's device is daft.


I agree. I can see it both ways now to be honest.

He has a right to sift through his son's tablet, and has a right to be angry at what he saw. But he should have brought it to her attention immediately.


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## MaritimeGuy

Deejo said:


> Anyone care to illustrate for me the difference between a 6 year old seeing a naked picture of mom or dad, verus the surprise walk in while you're doing it doggy style?
> 
> Of course you thought you had locked the bedroom door.
> 
> Sh!t happens.


I thought the same exact thing. I assume all those who think junior will be irreversibly damaged make sure they never have sex while the kids are home lest junior walk in with a tummy ache in the middle of the night...


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## Nynaeve

What gets me about this thread is there seem to be an awful lot of people judging the OP for making this mistake and at the same time proving that they don't understand how the cloud works either. A lot of self-righteous indignation from people who are proving that it could just as easily have been them that this happened to.


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## turnera

Cool avatar, Nynaeve. Is there one for Egwene, too?


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## turnera

MaritimeGuy said:


> I thought the same exact thing. I assume all those who think junior will be irreversibly damaged make sure they never have sex while the kids are home lest junior walk in with a tummy ache in the middle of the night...


Uh, yeah...pretty much.


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## vellocet

Nynaeve said:


> What gets me about this thread is there seem to be an awful lot of people judging the OP for making this mistake and at the same time proving that they don't understand how the cloud works either.


Oh I think we understand, me especially. The person that obviously didn't understand is OP.

She should have set up a separate account for her son and managed it. 

Hey, it was a mistake. We get it. But at the same time she has no business being mad at her X for looking at his son's tablet. It wasn't his fault.
His not bringing it to her attention immediately, that's another story, and she is right about that.


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## vellocet

MaritimeGuy said:


> I thought the same exact thing. I assume all those who think junior will be irreversibly damaged make sure they never have sex while the kids are home lest junior walk in with a tummy ache in the middle of the night...


Well he'll be fine, because he didn't see them, thank goodness.

But if he did, you really see nothing wrong with him seeing pics or vids of his mom masturbating? Again, it was a mistake and not meant for his eyes if he did see it. But she would be responsible if he did.

Irreversibly damaged? No, but you sure as hell don't want to expose an 8 year old to a masturbating mum. ACCKKK!


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## Anon Pink

Deejo said:


> Anyone care to illustrate for me the difference between a 6 year old seeing a naked picture of mom or dad, verus the surprise walk in while you're doing it doggy style?


Allow me?

When a child walks in on Mom and Dad, they know it. They stop what they're doing and respond to the child. What he saw was momentary, a blink or two. The child is immediately redirected in his attention by Mom and or Dad who deal with what the child saw, make appropriate explanations, and also reassure the child everything is okay, mom is safe dad is safe and the child is safe. What Mom and dad were doing was safe and good and healthy.

A child who comes across erotic pics of his or her mother gets to look for a long while. Study everything. Watch over and over. No one is aware, no one is redirecting. No one is explaining. No one is reassuring. No one is answering questions that may or may not be asked. The child then has to work up the nerve to bring this up, or keep it silent and stew in what they saw. And mostly likely come to very wrong conclusions about the meaning of what they saw.


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## Cynthia

vellocet said:


> I agree. I can see it both ways now to be honest.
> 
> He has a right to sift through his son's tablet, and has a right to be angry at what he saw. But he should have brought it to her attention immediately.


Exactly! :iagree:


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## that.girl

vellocet said:


> Hey, it was a mistake. We get it. But at the same time she has no business being mad at her X for looking at his son's tablet. It wasn't his fault.
> His not bringing it to her attention immediately, that's another story, and she is right about that.


I don't think she ever said she was mad about him finding them. She said she was mad about him digging through ALL of her stuff, and not telling her immediately. 

I think other posters came up with the issue about him finding them in the first place. Unless i missed something.


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## vellocet

that.girl said:


> I don't think she ever said she was mad about him finding them. She said she was mad about him digging through ALL of her stuff, and not telling her immediately.
> 
> I think other posters came up with the issue about him finding them in the first place. Unless i missed something.


No, I don't think you missed anything. I can concede that you are right on that point.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Textbook case of embarrassment prompting excessive defense and attempt to offload of responsibility.

It was your mistake that put the pictures there. Leave it at that and call it a day. Your ex's reaction to finding that on your son's tablet could have been much worse.

Sucks its embarrassing. Sucks to feel violated. But chalk it up to "I muffed up" and let it go.


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## Nynaeve

vellocet said:


> Oh I think we understand, me especially. The person that obviously didn't understand is OP.


I'm sure _you_ get it. But a lot of people in this thread clearly don't.

I'm just saying it makes me  when people get all self-righteous about someone else's mistake when it's clear they don't know how it works either. Even after the OP said the device automatically synced, people still read that and thought the content was on the device. Which means they don't know any better than the OP did what was actually going on, how it happened and how it might have been avoided. 



> She should have set up a separate account for her son and managed it.


Agreed. That would have avoided the problem. She could also have told the tablet to forget her password so that it needed to be entered every time. Which, BTW, would be a good idea anyway so a 6 year old doesn't go making in-app purchases without her knowledge or permission.

I'm sure she's already taken steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.



> Hey, it was a mistake. We get it. But at the same time she has no business being mad at her X for looking at his son's tablet. It wasn't his fault.
> His not bringing it to her attention immediately, that's another story, and she is right about that.


I don't think she _was_ mad at her x for looking at the tablet or even finding her content. Seems to me she said she even thanked him for telling her at first. But then she realized he was a complete douchenozzle about the whole thing and got mad that he 1) searched through all the content, watched the videos, etc, 2) sat on the info for 3 weeks while he kept checking back for new content and 3) discussed it with other people.


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## norajane

> Because it is my sons tablet, I have, on several occasions, aloud him to take it to school(they have special days when you can bring something like an ipad), friends, and his dads house.


I think you need a new rule: iPad NEVER leaves your house. Your kid absolutely does not need it anywhere else, if he even needs it at home. The iPad needs to be YOUR property that you allow your son to use at home only, especially since you should be monitoring what he does with it. Check the browser after he uses it - make sure you know what he's accessing. Be a parent, not a friend to your son.

You ex-H and his girlfriend are loathsome creatures to go through all of your emails, etc., and to keep checking on your google cloud account for updates for 3 weeks. Never give your kid anything that you don't want your ex and his gf to have access to.


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## WandaJ

Gee, woman. S....t happened, got fixed by now, your son didn't see it. Take a deep breath and move on, instead of creating drama.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Nynaeve said:


> I'm just saying it makes me  when people get all self-righteous about someone else's mistake when it's clear they don't know how it works either. Even after the OP said the device automatically synced, people still read that and thought the content was on the device. Which means they don't know any better than the OP did what was actually going on, how it happened and how it might have been avoided.


Whether the content was on the device or not is irrelevant. Accessibility is.

What is self-righteous about believing one should simply own one's mistakes? That to me is the issue rather than whether any given person here would have made the mistake for lack of understanding the tech.

As a father, I'd have gone through it all to. Sure, curiosity would have played a part, but I'd also be interested in assuring that my child wasn't involved in taking the pics (child abuse). Regardless, I want to see everything that my child may have seen.

As for his waiting to tell her, his answer sounds reasonable: hoping she would notice and he could avoid the embarrassment. If he had ill intent, why tell her at all?


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## that.girl

Intentionally leaving porn on a tablet used by a child, in order to avoid embarrassing the mother, is not something i would call reasonable. 
I wonder if Dad would have taken any responsibility, if the kid had found it after the Dad left it there without alerting the Mom.


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## Cynthia

that.girl said:


> Intentionally leaving porn on a tablet used by a child, in order to avoid embarrassing the mother, is not something i would call reasonable.
> I wonder if Dad would have taken any responsibility, if the kid had found it after the Dad left it there without alerting the Mom.


No just any porn either - mom porn. Good grief. Both parties should be apologizing and doing whatever it takes to protect their son. Grousing at each other only makes matters worse, rather than trying to resolve issues.


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## AliceA

Don't think the OP is reading any of this, but just in case, the mistake was yours, someone took advantage of it, that's something you just have to live with. What do you want from him? To suddenly become a gentleman? It's not going to happen. He's a perv, you gave him access to stuff you shouldn't have, it's on you. I get why you feel violated, but I think you should just drop the whole thing like a hot potato and get on with your life. Think of it as a very embarrassing and humiliating life lesson.

You know your exH will not respect your privacy, and neither will anyone else, so for goodness sake, don't go taking photos and videos of yourself.

Edited to add: Plus, as one poster mentioned, don't rely on your exH to effectively parent either. He left all that on there knowing his son could find it at any time. Either he's a complete moron or... no.. he's just a complete moron.


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## Cynthia

Hey, look on the bright side. At least it didn't sync to Facebook.


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## GusPolinski

CynthiaDe said:


> Hey, look on the bright side. At least it didn't sync to Facebook.


:lol: :rofl:


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## AliceA

Why the GF seemed okay with her BF looking at all this stuff of his exW is a bit of a mystery too. I think they are obviously well matched. Both idiots.


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## vellocet

CynthiaDe said:


> No just any porn either - mom porn. Good grief. Both parties should be apologizing and doing whatever it takes to protect their son. Grousing at each other only makes matters worse, rather than trying to resolve issues.


I would have brought it to her attention toot sweet! "Learn how to separate your accounts so that you don't unintentionally blind our child with your nocturnal activities and pics/vids for other men. Do what you want, but learn how to keep it away from our child!!!"


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## Nynaeve

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Whether the content was on the device or not is irrelevant. Accessibility is.


It's relevant to the point I was making. Which is that people shouldn't act self-righteous when they're not any smarter about technology than the OP. People think it's something that _they_ would _never_ do themselves and so they can get up on their high horses and call OP an idiot. But they don't really know any better.




> What is self-righteous about believing one should simply own one's mistakes? That to me is the issue rather than whether any given person here would have made the mistake for lack of understanding the tech.


I never said it was self-righteous to believe someone should own their mistakes. The OP DID own her mistake. 

The self-righteous part was people acting like she was just the stupidest person in the world, how could she not know, blah, blah, blah.

She already owned the mistake and said in the first post that she takes responsibility for that. 

It's just judgmental and self-righteous for people to keep beating up on her about it. IMO.



> As a father, I'd have gone through it all to. Sure, curiosity would have played a part, but I'd also be interested in assuring that my child wasn't involved in taking the pics (child abuse). Regardless, I want to see everything that my child may have seen.
> 
> As for his waiting to tell her, his answer sounds reasonable: hoping she would notice and he could avoid the embarrassment. If he had ill intent, why tell her at all?


I think that's BS. If he had good intent, he wouldn't have looked through _everything_ and then demanded an apology from her. Once he saw the _very first_ nude pic, he knew what was there and that it shouldn't be.

He was clearly being a jerk. People with integrity don't act like that. People with an ax to grind act like that.


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## vellocet

Why do I get the feeling that if this was a father who unknowingly synced his videos of him bringing himself to orgasm on his daughter's tablet, the tune would be much different?


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## DvlsAdvc8

that.girl said:


> Intentionally leaving porn on a tablet used by a child, in order to avoid embarrassing the mother, is not something i would call reasonable.
> I wonder if Dad would have taken any responsibility, if the kid had found it after the Dad left it there without alerting the Mom.


Agreed. I wouldn't have done it, I'd have said something right away embarrassment be damned. I'm just saying the embarrassment issue is one many people will try to avoid. Not the greatest judgment imo, but understandable.


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## DvlsAdvc8

Nynaeve said:


> Which is that people shouldn't act self-righteous when they're not any smarter about technology than the OP. People think it's something that _they_ would _never_ do themselves and so they can get up on their high horses and call OP an idiot. But they don't really know any better.


We interpret differently then. I didn't sense self-righteousness. I read a rather blithe "You fked up and are looking for scapegoats or blameshifting." We see a lot of that here.



Nynaeve said:


> The self-righteous part was people acting like she was just the stupidest person in the world, how could she not know, blah, blah, blah.
> 
> She already owned the mistake and said in the first post that she takes responsibility for that.


"I messed up, but he..." isn't taking responsibility. It's textbook blameshifting. Happens every day on this forum. The "but" doesn't matter.

I don't interpret anyone as believing they could not similarly make a mistake with syncing, or neglecting to check a box. Maybe I missed a post that sent you down this path.... because I sensed no such vibe.



Nynaeve said:


> I think that's BS. If he had good intent, he wouldn't have looked through _everything_ and then demanded an apology from her. Once he saw the _very first_ nude pic, he knew what was there and that it shouldn't be.
> 
> He was clearly being a jerk. People with integrity don't act like that. People with an ax to grind act like that.


I can't agree. I'd have checked what my son may have already seen, and likely had a much more hostile reaction to my ex than what this man had, although I'd have told her immediately that she needs to be more careful.


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## DvlsAdvc8

vellocet said:


> Why do I get the feeling that if this was a father who unknowingly synced his videos of him bringing himself to orgasm on his daughter's tablet, the tune would be much different?


Isn't that the truth. And of course, she wouldn't dare examine the contents.


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## chillymorn

you should thank your lucky stars he didn't contact a lawyer and try for full custody.with the evidence he found that you let on a child's device.

he might have made copies! 

my opinion is if this happened with the father doing this it would have be OH MY FING GOD he is a total a$$hole and hes never seeing his son with out supervised visitation!


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## ricky15100

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> We interpret differently then. I didn't sense self-righteousness. I read a rather blithe "You fked up and are looking for scapegoats or blameshifting." We see a lot of that here.
> 
> 
> 
> "I messed up, but he..." isn't taking responsibility. It's textbook blameshifting. Happens every day on this forum. The "but" doesn't matter.
> 
> I don't interpret anyone as believing they could not similarly make a mistake with syncing, or neglecting to check a box. Maybe I missed a post that sent you down this path.... because I sensed no such vibe.
> 
> 
> 
> I can't agree. I'd have checked what my son may have already seen, and likely had a much more hostile reaction to my ex than what this man had, although I'd have told her immediately that she needs to be more careful.


This, you nailed it.

The only issue is, she made a mistake and now wants to put the blame on him.

Why can't she hold her hand up and accept that she screwed up and be thankful her son or anyone else didn't find it.


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