# Ok so the wife doesnt work



## psrayburn (Apr 14, 2013)

My wife and I have 4 children, 3 are in highschool one is 3yrs old. My question is this....we have struggled financially for 18 years. I asked her today if she had ever considered working to help with the family financial obligations. She instructed me that as long as I had an "easy" job she would never go to work. Before this were other issues as reasons she couldn't work outside the home. any advice would be apreciated

Thanks


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

tell her an easy job is where you get to stay at home with the kids and watch your partner struggle to bring in the bacon.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

psrayburn,
Your short description gave me some flashbacks. Can you tell us any more detail as to why she calls your job "easy". It sounds as if she has never worked.. is that accurate?

I've got some worries that your wife my have a deeply ingrained attitudes that go deeper than just money. Has your money situation ever spilled over and affected other areas of your marriage?

I'm assuming that right now she's watching the 3-year old, and if she took a job you would have added daycare expenses, so were you're questions more about 'once the youngest is in school' ?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

And what does your retirement look like? Even if she is not skilled or trained to begin a career, she could work enough to pay in her Social Security quarters. She could go to school, find a certificate program of 18 mos. to 2 years....so she'll be ready to go to work when the little one starts school.

If things are tight.... consider tightening them even more. Sit down and create a budget...a bare bones budget... so that there is little to none extra spending money. THEN suggest she find a job and pitch in. Tell her to go find an easy one.


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## psrayburn (Apr 14, 2013)

Thanks for your reply, and YES our situation if effecting all aspects of our life. 2 months ago she convinced me that "even though we were really to the edge of our budget" to buy her a car, I told her we couldn't because we didn't have the money. Long story short... she said she could go to work if she had a car. (really good arguement I might add) then now 2 monlths later... not even a job application has been put in. She told me that she wouldn't be getting a job as long as I had an "easy" job. This morning we had NO gas money to go to church. The church that God called her to is about an hour away. we actually have "0" in our bank account and no cash. she call's me "Satan" because I will not put gas in her car from my company's credit card. I mean wow, will god really have me steal to go to a church over an hour away. It is every aspect of my life. Im sooooo ready to just walk out. I really need help.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Wow, I feel for you. I'm the ty
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Wow, I feel for you. I'm the type of person who as worked since I was 11, when I got married not working was never on my mind. I have worked while pregnant and going to school full time, why? Because I know it's what is best for our family and the times of the husband only working are long gone. Has your wife watched the news? Even both parents working is not enough sometime. I would return or sell her car. She had her chance and proved she was not interested on working. Return it, when she gets a job she can take a bus, ride with someone or she can work an opposite shift so she can your your vehicle. 

I would talk to her and ask her how she feels about your family's future. You have three kids going of the college soon, that's a also a bid financial toll, even if you saved or have a scholarship.

And because you mentions she is religious: (my dad would always read this to us) 
2 Thessalonians 3

6-9 Our orders—backed up by the Master, Jesus—are to refuse to have anything to do with those among you who are lazy and refuse to work the way we taught you. Don’t permit them to freeload on the rest. We showed you how to pull your weight when we were with you, so get on with it. We didn’t sit around on our hands expecting others to take care of us. In fact, we worked our fingers to the bone, up half the night moonlighting so you wouldn’t be burdened with taking care of us. And it wasn’t because we didn’t have a right to your support; we did. We simply wanted to provide an example of diligence, hoping it would prove contagious.

10-13 Don’t you remember the rule we had when we lived with you? “If you don’t work, you don’t eat.” And now we’re getting reports that a bunch of lazy good-for-nothings are taking advantage of you. This must not be tolerated. We command them to get to work immediately—no excuses, no arguments—and earn their own keep. Friends, don’t slack off in doing your duty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Her car needs to go, if she isn't going to work. By "new" do you mean showroom new or used? I personally believe in driving old clunkers and not making car payments.

Could she start keeping a couple of children in your home or offering a baby sitting service for extra money?

Stand your ground on not using the company credit card. That would be theft! Remind her of the Ten Commandments!


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

You married a lazy gold digger and you've paid her way for 18 years.

She can't even use the "raising young children" as an excuse anymore.

She doesn't work because she doesn't have to.

There's probably nothing you can do about it. At least as long as you're married to her, and truth is, divorcing her will probably cost you more in lost assets and support than you're losing from her not working.

You're just going to have to accept it as always being that way and it will always be that way.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Here if you have not already read this book "no more mr nice guy" I think it will help you out.

http://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

What sort of job do you have that she considers it "easy" and what does that have to do with her working? 
Sounds like you live paycheck to paycheck. Some budget planning may help whether you have one paycheck or if she ever started working, two. Who makes the financial decisions?


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

psrayburn,
That isn't sounding so good... do you mind if we ask a few more question to get a better feel for her personality and your dynamic? 

My reason for asking is that I suspect she has some deep seated attitudes that aren't just confined to money. There's a lot of good collective wisdom and perspectives here, and if changes are possible, they're going to be big-picture changes in your marriage dynamic (getting her to see the ideas of partnership, obligation, sacrifice, etc in new ways, having to manage her and expectations in the transition, etc).


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

why did you have another child?


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

naga75 said:


> why did you have another child?


5 to 1 says it was a "whoops" child.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Anubis said:


> 5 to 1 says it's was a "whoops" child.


that's what im asking.
all the kids in HS??
youre coasting. time to take it easy, get ready to send them off to college. hopefully they are smart enough to have that taken care of, or they are in a trade. i cant imagine paying as much as it costs now to send my kids to college (i have a toddler and a newborn so figure its gonna cost 3x as much when they are ready). i will have a small fund, but they will have their brains to carry them. or be welding. it doesn't matter, if youre good at it. do it.
why have another at this point?


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

psRayburn, your wife may or may not be a lazy bones. Maybe she has a bad attitude too. However, you are the man of the house, and it is important that you man up and find a way to make more money! A real man is not going to look to his wife to make ends meet, thereby taking her away from the children. Why did you have so many children? Why didn't you retool in night school or trade school years ago in order to increase your income? This is all on you, buddy. Man Up, and stop looking to a woman to fill in the gaps.


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## JosephLH (Apr 18, 2013)

WalterWhite said:


> psRayburn, your wife may or may not be a lazy bones. Maybe she has a bad attitude too. However, you are the man of the house, and it is important that you man up and find a way to make more money! A real man is not going to look to his wife to make ends meet, thereby taking her away from the children. Why did you have so many children? Why didn't you retool in night school or trade school years ago in order to increase your income? This is all on you, buddy. Man Up, and stop looking to a woman to fill in the gaps.


I have got to respectfully disagree with you there. I have similar situation myself. I make pretty good money in my job and put in a lot of overtime. Because I put that time in it keeps me away from my family more than I would like. Point is if material things are wanted, such as the new car situation, it takes extra money. If she wanted something extra and agreed to work then it is time to work. I know what it is like to have the budget stretched and a man can only put in so many hours and still function. It is hard to make it today with a family, multiple payments, and only one income. It can be done and my wife and I are doing it but every single bit of money has to be accounted for. My primary disagreement with what you said is basically telling him to man up and work more or extra jobs and we don't even know what job he has or how many hours he already works.


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## AFwifey (Apr 26, 2013)

I personally don't work but where we live currently its neither safe nor smart for me to do so. I do help earn a little money by selling random things we really don't need or watching kids for friends or whatnot. I'm also an online tutor and I get paid through that. Would she be open to doing a reputable online job or at least something part time? Your kids are old enough to not need babysitters so that is good. Too bad mine aren't haha.

If she's unwilling to even remotely try then I agree that her car needs to go.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WalterWhite said:


> psRayburn, your wife may or may not be a lazy bones. Maybe she has a bad attitude too. However, you are the man of the house, and it is important that you man up and find a way to make more money! A real man is not going to look to his wife to make ends meet, thereby taking her away from the children. Why did you have so many children? Why didn't you retool in night school or trade school years ago in order to increase your income? This is all on you, buddy. Man Up, and stop looking to a woman to fill in the gaps.


Wrong.

In the past both husband and wife worked. They both generally worked on their own farm. It took two adults working, and often the children working as well to support the family. 

Doing what we do today to keep up the home, cook and watch the children is nothing compared to what people did in the past.

Today most of us work outside the home. Women work outside the home at a very high percentage ... it's about 70%-80%. 

We don't know how much the OP earns. He might already earn all he can. It is up to both spouses to contribute to the wellbeing of the family. That includes financially. 

His wife wants things that cannot be afforded on his income. So she needs to go to work or cut back, live on his income and find a way to save on that income as well.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

AFwifey said:


> I personally don't work but where we live currently its neither safe nor smart for me to do so. I do help earn a little money by selling random things we really don't need or watching kids for friends or whatnot. I'm also an online tutor and I get paid through that. Would she be open to doing a reputable online job or at least something part time? Your kids are old enough to not need babysitters so that is good. Too bad mine aren't haha.
> 
> If she's unwilling to even remotely try then I agree that her car needs to go.


They do have a 3 year old.

I also agree that if she will not find a job, the car needs to go. She got the car so she can find a job.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

psrayburn said:


> My wife and I have 4 children, 3 are in highschool one is 3yrs old. My question is this....we have struggled financially for 18 years. I asked her today if she had ever considered working to help with the family financial obligations. She instructed me that as long as I had an "easy" job she would never go to work. Before this were other issues as reasons she couldn't work outside the home. any advice would be apreciated
> 
> Thanks


How old is your wife?

When was the last time she worked?

What level of education and skills does she have?


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Wrong.
> 
> In the past both husband and wife worked. They both generally worked on their own farm. It took two adults working, and often the children working as well to support the family.
> 
> ...


WRONG!

In the past during more agrarian times yes, mom and dad worked on the farm, and so did the children TOGETHER, and NOT apart.

It is possible that the OP does not so much have an income problem, but rather a spending problem. Perhaps his family (wife) spends way too much $$$. It sounds like their priorities are out of balance.

As for today's families, you often have mom working too, because they demand new cars, electronics, the latest smart phones, the latest and greatest, so yes, both need to work to keep up their material lifestyle.

But a smart couple shows a wife that was smart enough to find a good man that is a high wage earner, a man that can AFFORD a family. Thereby allowing her to attend to the children until their older. And a husband that kicks a$$ in his field of work, bringing in the $$ that allows yearly vacations, new cars every 150,000 miles, braces for the kids, good food, a nice spacious house in a very safe neighborhood, a spiritual life, a life of abundance. The lifestyle of a true conservative (not necessarily politically) American. A family that never relies on the government for what they should be providing for themselves. A family with a fat savings account, investments, $$ for the kid's college. In 2013, a wise young adult lady would NEVER marry a man that is not going places, a man that cannot afford a family.

It can be done because I see these types all over the country. The are not materialistic, yet they are very rich and have everything they need and a lot of what they want. They are never flashy, nor compete with relatives, neighbors, co-workers.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I know like other posters, this is going to sound mean to ask but - if you've struggled financially for 18 years (meaning I'm guessing around the time the first child was born) - what kinds of conversations about finances and the wife working happened before/during/after the subsequent birth of three more children?

That being said - is your wife of an appropriate education level where she could make enough money to make the daycare costs worth it until the 3 year old starts school? Do you have relatives or friends from that church willing to help at all with that?

She got that car under false pretenses - so, I'd agree that either she needs to hold up her end of the agreement, or the car needs to go back. Or she has to put it solely in her name and let her figure out how to pay for it. 

Also - I'm not really sure having brand new cars all the time, and having an expensive yearly vacation automatically makes you a better spouse or father. You can read plenty of threads about how those things don't neccessarily help if there are other issues going on. Like him deciding that he's "going places" without you and the kids. Sorry - a marriage should be about more than who has money, this isn't the middle ages.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

I think the OP is gone. 

Brings up some interesting thoughts on how a non-working spouse can lose respect for the working spouse as it relates to money, time and jobs.
.


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## DesertRat (May 1, 2012)

Maybe his ISP shut off service for non-payment.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Calculate how much per month she would bring home working a minimum wage job. Tell her as long as she can earn or save that much per month she can stay at home and not get a job. So basically if she starts cutting coupons, doing house home repairs herself instead of calling a handyman, learns to change the car oil and rotate tires etc...she will be saving doing things that you would need pay to have done if she was busy working


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

That's not calculating the cost of child care in your equation, Toshiba, which is a big factor. The question isn't just about how you'd making working, but how much you'd earn working after taking out how much you'd have to pay daycare to watch the 3 year old while you were working.


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## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

psrayburn said:


> My wife and I have 4 children, 3 are in highschool one is 3yrs old. My question is this....we have struggled financially for 18 years. I asked her today if she had ever considered working to help with the family financial obligations. She instructed me that as long as I had an "easy" job she would never go to work. Before this were other issues as reasons she couldn't work outside the home. any advice would be apreciated
> 
> Thanks


My husband works and I used to work but dont currently due to health issues of myself of which I have been going through. and no job today is easy. whether it means getting one or doing it. They all seem to come with pressure attached, my husband works nights and sleeps days and its definitely not easy. I would love to get some where with my musical abilities and bring in lots of money so it could be reversed. But like anything that is not easy either although I have been trying by sending stuff off and contacting peoples etc. Maybe she is just taking you for granted to just say, you have an easy job. As my husband is very honest and tells me about his job and how pressure it is there and maybe you should tell her what your job is really like, rather then her assuming its easy. but then again, you never stated if she had ever worked in her life or not, as even if you are out a couple of years these days its a long hard fight to even get a job, plus there is then the past working refs on top, and if she never worked where will she get those from.


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## Brooklynqueen (May 22, 2013)

If she has never worked what kind of jub is she qualified for?


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

It's ok for a woman not to work. Yes, I said it. This idea that a man should tell his wife, "You MUST get a job!" is nonsense.

If y'all really need the money, she should try to find the money. Working at home or outside the home.

And from what you've said, she does need to work to support the lifestyle she wants...cars, etc.

But in general, it's ok for a woman to be a housewife. 

More women who will admit it...respect a man who will do all he can to provide for her and her children.

Some women love to work outside the home. Some women love to work within it.

She should express more gratefulness toward you for being a good provider though. She should not belittle your job as "easy."

It sounds like y'all are both trying to force each other to be what you're not.

I work outside the home because I have to. But I would love to stay home with my kids. I was raised in a dysfunctional (to say the least) household, but one thing I always admired about my dad is that he didn't want his wife to work...he wanted to provide.

Where did these men go?

I understand that, in many situations, wife needs to work.

But when did it become expected? Demanded? 

Your wife probably really resents feeling pressured to work.

The least she could do, however, is not demand new cars and other such luxuries. 

It's give and take. It's sacrifice. It's gratitude. 

But neither of you are respecting each other's "professions."

In my mind though, a woman doesn't feel loved, provided for and protected when she's told "You're a slacker...get a job!"


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## feetback245 (May 25, 2013)

I really think that the idea it's a man's Job to provide is OLD and outdated. Why should it be the OPs sole responsibility to "provide". If his wife can work and they need the money then she should. BOth man and wife should work together for the benefit of the family. His wife sounds like she is not taking the perspective of what is best for the family into account- and making her husband do all the struggling. The OP really should have put his foot down earlier- in regards to expecting his wife to work, but it's a done deal now.


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## feetback245 (May 25, 2013)

Books,

I think having either parent at home- taking care of family and home needs can be a good thing. My sister's husband stays home with the kids and keeps everything organized, and family happy . In this particular situation they are financially struggling so that he has no money in the bank account. The way OP described his wife, she puts her needs before the families. By encouraging her husband to use company funds to fill up the gas tank so they can drive an hour away to church, by saying she needs a car and then not working, by dismissing the sacrifice her husband had made for her to stay home, by ignoring the effects of her not working when they need the money- she is not thinking of what is best for her family . And that is the issue more than how valuable it is to have a parent at home.


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## Fallen Leaf (May 27, 2013)

She needs to work.

I'm a SAHM but tell my husband all the time that if he feels like he's going to burn out, or if he losses his job/gets injured and can't work, I will work. 

But then again, maybe she's dealing with depression or work-phobic or something.

I too think that you can get a second job if it's not going to kill you. She can still get a job...maybe a part-time one. When I was in college, I would always work two jobs. One full-time and one part-time to pay the bills, have fun, and stay out of trouble.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

SouthernMiss said:


> It's ok for a woman not to work. Yes, I said it. This idea that a man should tell his wife, "You MUST get a job!" is nonsense.
> 
> If y'all really need the money, she should try to find the money. Working at home or outside the home.
> 
> ...



Ah, but if the shoe was on the other foot and the husband lost his job, who would be scrambling to work? 

I personally find that last statement quite insulting.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

SouthernMiss said:


> It's ok for a woman not to work. Yes, I said it. This idea that a man should tell his wife, "You MUST get a job!" is nonsense.
> 
> *Not at all. Unearned money is money you don't have appreciation of the value for.
> 
> ...


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Wrong.
> 
> In the past both husband and wife worked. They both generally worked on their own farm. It took two adults working, and often the children working as well to support the family.
> 
> ...



Awesome post. I don't know where this crap comes from that a man is the only one that ever worked. Both husband and wife should help support the household. If the wife doesn't want to work then she should not be demanding more stuff to make her happy.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sanity said:


> Awesome post. I don't know where this crap comes from that a man is the only one that ever worked. Both husband and wife should help support the household. If the wife doesn't want to work then she should not be demanding more stuff to make her happy.



Actually it's a fairly new idea, in the last 100 years or so, and was created by men themselves. Like you said, there was a time when running the house was a full time job, and the whole family worked on the farm. Ma Kettle certainly wasn't intensely parenting little Johnny. As modern conveniences made it much less work to keep a house, men still wanted to keep women home, where they belonged, so the idea of the modern housewife and sahm was born.  You're now seeing the lasting effects of that: women that think it's a man's job to take care of them, ridiculous alimony, etc. I work outside the home and make good money, but regardless of the arrangement a couple agrees on the burden should never fall disproportionately on one spouse. This wife sound a bit entitled to me and should get a job.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> Actually it's a fairly new idea, in the last 100 years or so, and was created by men themselves. Like you said, there was a time when running the house was a full time job, and the whole family worked on the farm. Ma Kettle certainly wasn't intensely parenting little Johnny. As modern conveniences made it much less work to keep a house, men still wanted to keep women home, where they belonged, so the idea of the modern housewife and sahm was born. You're now seeing the lasting effects of that: women that think it's a man's job to take care of them, ridiculous alimony, etc. I work outside the home and make good money, but regardless of the arrangement a couple agrees on the burden should never fall disproportionately on one spouse. This wife sound a bit entitled to me and should get a job.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Personally I don't understand how a woman can risk so much of their future and not have a plan B. Lifetime alimony is akin to being a parasite in my humble opinion. I don't want a dime from somebody who I divorce. I want them gone from my life period. 

I know some folks here will jump on me that what about women who give up their lives and are left on the street when it doesn't work out but again why would you risk this especially with a 50% divorce rate.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sanity said:


> Personally I don't understand how a woman can risk so much of their future and not have a plan B. Lifetime alimony is akin to being a parasite in my humble opinion. I don't want a dime from somebody who I divorce. I want them gone from my life period.
> 
> I know some folks here will jump on me that what about women who give up their lives and are left on the street when it doesn't work out but again why would you risk this especially with a 50% divorce rate.


No argument here, I agree completely. A lot of women hedge their whole livelihood on mr right now, and a lot of men stupidly go along with it and then complain about alimony. It also tends to create a parent child dynamic where the sahp has to meet the approval of the working spouse; not good for the relationship. If I had a buck for every time I've heard "he treats me like $&#$ but I'm a stay at home mom and can't support myself" I could retire now. Seriously, people managed for how many millennia without mom intensely parenting 24/7. I can understand wanting to be with a baby or toddler but after that go back to work. If you're left on the street because you willingly gave you your life so 
mr right now could take care of you that's your decision.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

This is something that needs to be decided prior to marriage and agreed upon.

My husband wanted me to stay home and care for the home and children. I do just that to the best of my ability. I'm not lazy, but I was in an accident that left me disabled. My husband prefers to be the breadwinner in our household. This was all discussed at length prior to marriage. I wasn't too keen at the time about quitting my job. Since then I've become accustom to the SAHM lifestyle. I have no intentions or ability to return to work. This does not make me a lazy wife. My husband is very content with our arrangements. My children are now heading into the teens and my oldest moved out and is attending college. If we didn't make ends meet, I'd fight for disability. I am homebound and in a wheelchair part time. Eventually I'll be in a wheelchair full time, which I'm not looking forward to. It's important to us that I'm home for the children. My husband very much values my opinion and our marriage. He works exceptionally hard to provide for our family. I appreciate everything he does for the children and I. His support for me is phenomenal. We both put our marriage as our top priority. Being a SAHM does not make me less of a person.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> This is something that needs to be decided prior to marriage and agreed upon.
> 
> My husband wanted me to stay home and care for the home and children. I do just that to the best of my ability. I'm not lazy, but I was in an accident that left me disabled. My husband prefers to be the breadwinner in our household. This was all discussed at length prior to marriage. I wasn't too keen at the time about quitting my job. Since then I've become accustom to the SAHM lifestyle. I have no intentions or ability to return to work. This does not make me a lazy wife. My husband is very content with our arrangements. My children are now heading into the teens and my oldest moved out and is attending college. If we didn't make ends meet, I'd fight for disability. I am homebound and in a wheelchair part time. Eventually I'll be in a wheelchair full time, which I'm not looking forward to. It's important to us that I'm home for the children. My husband very much values my opinion and our marriage. He works exceptionally hard to provide for our family. I appreciate everything he does for the children and I. His support for me is phenomenal. We both put our marriage as our top priority. Being a SAHM does not make me less of a person.



Nobody ever said it did. I'm just pointing out that their is a certain amount of risk to it, that's all. Your marriage is great now, and I hope it stays that way, but what will you do if in 10 years your hb decides it's not that great and wants out? You'll be dependent on him for support. He's good with that now because you're married but people change with divorces. Do what works for you but know the risks. Sorry, I analyze risk for a living so this is what I do. Sorry about your disability; why don't you apply for it now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Unless there is a reason not to (like a disability) women should be able to support themselves.

I'm a homemaker who plans on never working again (my husband supports this and money isn't a problem) but I've been the breadwinner and have marketable skills. I could support myself quite comfortably if I had to.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> Nobody ever said it did. I'm just pointing out that their is a certain amount of risk to it, that's all. Your marriage is great now, and I hope it stays that way, but what will you do if in 10 years your hb decides it's not that great and wants out? You'll be dependent on him for support. He's good with that now because you're married but people change with divorces. Do what works for you but know the risks. Sorry, I analyze risk for a living so this is what I do. Sorry about your disability; why don't you apply for it now?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We've had a great 14 years together so far, my husband reassures me that he is never leaving. He is quite dedicated to me and it shows. He's truly a family man and has always put me and my needs before anything else. I'm not worried about divorce. Yes, I will always be dependent on my husband for support, he's well aware of that too. Not only financially, but physically too. We've lived this way the last 5 years and it's worked out well. If our health insurance premiums increase, I will have to apply for disability since we already pay over 2k monthly. We do have a plan worked out. I can't leave the house for more then 1-2 hours for anything and it really sucks living this way.

It was my husbands idea to fully support me once we were first married. It took me a while to finally quit my job. He wanted me home to care for the kids and the house. Even back then he stated that I never needed to return to work unless something happened where he wasn't working. We talked about this at length. My first marriage I was the breadwinner. I never expected to be so dependent on another.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> Nobody ever said it did. I'm just pointing out that their is a certain amount of risk to it, that's all. Your marriage is great now, and I hope it stays that way, but what will you do if in 10 years your hb decides it's not that great and wants out? You'll be dependent on him for support. He's good with that now because you're married but people change with divorces. Do what works for you but know the risks. Sorry, I analyze risk for a living so this is what I do. Sorry about your disability; why don't you apply for it now?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've seen the same thing. Everything is rainbows and unicorn farts while marriaged but once divorced people change especially if there was infidelity. I would argue you see the "real person" once the heat it on. 

I want to clarify that i'm sure being a permament SAHM might work for some but you are also taking a huge risk. The longer you decide to stay at home, the less marketable you are in the job market unless you have some unique skill. 

I also know a friend that divorced his SAHM wife after she cheated on his with mutiple men. She would meet guys online and setup sexual meetings and even brought one home. Now because she is disabled with MS he has to pay for lifetime alimony. Seriously?


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## wtf2012 (Oct 22, 2012)

Being totally dependent on someone else is a risk for both people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I did not read all of the replies, so if its been mentioned already I apologize in advance. To the OP, what is your plan if she does not go to work?


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