# This is harder than I thought it would be.



## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

OK here is my situation (in case you have not read my previous post). About 3 1/2 months ago, I found out that my husband was talking to a couple of women that I thought was inappropriate. One woman in particular he was talking to on his cell phone up to 10 times a day, and each call lasted any where from 10-60 minutes. They also text each other numerous times a day. Therefore, I demanded this relationship to stop. My husband said it did, but I think they found a way to keep the relationship behind my back. 

This was a hard day dealing with the fact that my husband is out of town with his EA mistress. I am now regretting him going on this trip. What can I do to make these days go by quickly and not think about this?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

loveandmarriage said:


> What can I do to make these days go by quickly and not think about this?


Wow that is really hard. One of my biggest problems is when i cant get ahold of my H. it drives me crazy. If he was out with a women he was having an EA with, man, i dont think id be home when he got home. but then, im a bit irrational when it comes to these things. 

ive tried a lot of things to stop thinking about my H when i cant get ahold of him. Not the same extreme as what you are going through, but its my two cents anyway. i've tried throwing away my phone, exercising, saying 'i dont care.', freaking out and calling nine hundred times, shopping spree, and that's about it. None of it really worked. I'm now at the point where i realize i freak out about it, i even obsess about it, and oddly enough lately ive been able to back off. i think there was some kind of calming affect in just accepting how i was feeling. But i think i also started to realize that i didnt feel better when i got ahold of him, i felt worse. So I've learned to turn to myself, family, friends, because trying to get reassurance from him only left me more unsettled.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Next ttime when he calls don't answer and see if he tries again later.

draconis


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## cao428 (Jun 26, 2008)

Hi loveandmarriage,

I have an idea of a way to communicate with your husband. If you will send me a private message I will tell you about it, but I don't want it getting out to the cheaters. Maybe that's silly, but I found out about it because my husband was using it to contact his girlfriend in China.

It sounds like the two of you are disconnected..Is there a reason and have you been able to get couseling or some help?

I think the bottom line is you cannot control your husband's actions if he is going to cheat. I have wrestled with this thought myself. I am doing everything I can to turn our relationship around, but if his heart isn't in it then I cannot change anything other than myself. (which is where I am starting)

I definitely know how you feel! My husband returned from overseas for two weeks after coming home after being there for a year for a "job prospect" and "business". I triedto call him over there..heard someone pickup the phone and then hang up. After that the message said the caller was unavailable. (he had hung up on me) It's a horrible feeling. Many times while he was there I tried to call him and he didn't answer and I wondered who he might be with..but at that time I trusted him.
I found out later on something was going on.

Trust you intuition, and put your foot down with him, and good luck! It is very difficult.


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## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

draconis said:


> Next time when he calls don't answer and see if he tries again later.
> 
> draconis


I don't answer the phone sometimes. Not on purpose, but because I am tending to the little ones. And if I can't answer the phone, I usually call him back within the hour. He usually calls me on my cell phone 1st. And if he does not get an answer, he will call me on the home phone. He usually calls me back later in the day if I don't call him back right away.


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