# My Husband giving up...Should I let him go?



## emo (May 10, 2009)

My husband and have been married 7 years...he has cheated on my in the past, gotten a girl pregnant, seen a 'massage' therapist who did sexual things to him, and recently found condom reciepts in his bag. He says these things only amount to a small % of time..most of the time he has been a 'good' husband, and he has always been 'in love' with me, and loves me more than anything. 
A couple of months ago I had an affair with someone, as I had slowly and surely emotionally disconnected from him, as a result of his past behavior and the fact he is always busy (he has done 2 degrees and has a very busy job..)
We have 2 kids which apart from lately, I have been almost totally on my own with...and felt at times like a single mother.

Which brings us to now...my husband called my affair a 'major wake up call' and wants to change...he says he has had an 'paradigm shift', and now never wants to do anything sexually with another woman, wants to help with the kids, spend more time, etc.

Sadly, in my heart , since I had spent so much time convincing myself that I dont actually care if he cheats on me again (didnt want to feel that sort of pain EVER again) or spends time with us, that now I actually DONT CARE. He is in a lot of pain and feels it is all his fault, but says he really loves me and wants for it to work.

We decided to give it 3 months and then make a decison at the end. It has been 1 month, he says he doesnt want to be with someone who he isnt sure will 'really' love him, and doesnt want to talk about the past (as feels cheating is normal in a marriage where on partner feels sad or alienated about something..which he claims he was)....and wants to move out. No trial seperation, just divorce.

As it was me who originally really fell out of love with him, I feel really really guilty, that I cant fight for 'us' (we have 2 young kids 2, and 6)....and that I dont have the motivation or energy to convince him to stay and work it out.

I have been able to give him the love or support he needs ...and need advice..do I just let him go because it 'feels' right, or dig deep and fight for him to stay because rationally it is the best thing to do...to fight for a marriage, for the kids etc. Thanks to anyone out there who has some wise words!!


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## Orich (Jun 8, 2009)

My advice would be to give it a try. Besides the fact that I believe in marriage and how important it is, I also think practically. If there is a chance you can regain your feelings for him, you should at least find out. If they come back, great! Divorce is a major life-change for you and your kids. It isn't always better on the other side. If you do try and it doesn't work, well then you have done what you could and it is then time to move on. I won't say that the process will be easy, but something this important is well worth the effort.
This is my opinion, anyway. I wish you good luck whatever happens.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Well, since you have children to think of....I would give it a shot. 

However, I would not do it alone. I would get a really good marriage counselor. Both of you have to be willing to put 100% into the marriage. I have been to counseling where one person wasn't completely into it. It didn't turn out the way I wanted. 

Perhaps, read some self help books together and do some of the activities in them. You don't have to follow each little detail. Pick and choose what you think you can use out of each book. You may begin to learn things about each other that you didn't know.


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