# moving on... how to do it?



## vegbox (Jun 18, 2009)

hi there,
briefly, my story is as follows:
we have been married for 18 months, together for about 7 years. I adore my husband and he is everything i could ever ask for in a husband. 
yesterday i found out that he has registered for and sent messages on 2 websites for married people looking for affairs. 
We had crisis talks last night. apparently he has done this during a low point where he thought i had gone off him, and it was to reassure himself that he could be wanted. he hasn't actually done anything. his profiles said how he was a good listener, had been told he had nice eyes, and enjoyed going to the cinema, which is 'our thing' that we do together. he also said he was after no strings sex. i don't recognise the man that posted these things.
in my heart i do believe him that he had no intention of doing anything and just needed reassurance. we started talking about sex, something that we have never ever done before. ive always been very shy, but becasue he has had fewer partners than me he felt unable to talk to me. i didn't know this. he has used porn a lot, which i always thought i would be fine with if i knew that.
We made love last night, which was actually really good, but then i woke up in the middle of the night and i became so messed up that i wanted to go and watch porn to 'compare' myself. he's always been so respectful and loving that i'm finding this really hard to reconcile with the man i love.

i don't want to be the sort of wife that checks his emails and phone, and shouts at him for using porn. i can't see the point of being so insecure in a marriage. so why do i feel like this? i'm just not sure what steps to take to move forward. i think we can use it as an opportunity to be much more open with each other but i don't know where to start.
help!


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

So that really isn't fair to you that he went to those marriage affair websites to get some reassurance... He needs to treat you better as his wife. And yes you are right, you should be able to trust him and not have to check on his emails ect.. He really needs to prove to you that he can be trusted. Or else you guys are going to have problems.

You should'nt have to compare yourself to porn stars either. Your you and you need to be happy being you!! I hope this helps. 

Maybe consider counseling for both of you. It would help bring a lot of your problems to light!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Try watching your porn together, tell him to get off those websites.

You two need to communicate better, open up an dbe honest.

stop being quiet and shy...you're married, communicate, talk it out, put everything on the table.

Don't compare yourself to pornstars either, I would hate to be that huge and I would hate for my wife to fake that much. Those people are professionals and those clips are cut and edited.

If I am lasting more then 15min then I am not interested in the woman.....lol Hot raw loving passion is usually over in 5 minutes anyway...lol

communicate better and discuss sex, add some new things and have fun with it.


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## sunshine1 (Jun 18, 2009)

I can only agree with the last posts. I would try to communicate more. I think you love each other but you are both too shy to tell each other all your needs and wishes. the best is that you fencourage each other to talk about your feelings, after a while it will come naturally.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Seems pretty glaring given his behavior and your concern with how he perceives you, that neither of you has a very clear notion of how you see and feel about one another.


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