# My kids mother is a sociopath



## delta88 (Mar 9, 2015)

I wanted to update everyone as to what has developed as of late. I have been on antidepressants for the last couple of months and seeing my counselor to get my life back on track. It has helped immensely in my recovery. It will be a while before I start dating again as I need to get my head straight or run the risk of finding someone with the same traits as my ex.

What I have discovered is that my kids mother is a sociopath that cannot assume any responsibility for her own actions. She always plays the reversal game and turns to gaslighting so she can continue to act the way she wants. I now realize that there will be no fixing her and she likes who she is and what she does. It is such a liberating feeling knowing that I was only part of the problem for so many years and everything wasn't my fault. My life has improved exponentially while hers hasn't and isn't aging well at all. She still swears that I'm the only love of her life... blah blah blah.

I'm now able to be a better father to my boys, losing weight, eating better, enjoying doing the things that I like to do. It was amazing all the fear and self doubt I created in holding on to a toxic relationship. I can buy the foods I like and watch the programs I enjoy now. Listen to my music and enjoy the world for what it is. I guess the term is coming out of the fog but gave learned a lot about the idealize to discard cycle and has been a huge help in my communication with the boys mother.

If anyone has any tips on how not to get sucked back in when I'm forced to communicate with her would be great. Her last bout she told me I will be a part of her life forever whether I like it or not. It gave me chills actually and was thinking to myself...nfw!


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

delta88 said:


> If anyone has any tips on how not to get ducked back in when I'm forced to communicate with her would be great. Her last but she told me I will be a part of her life forever whether I like it or not. It gave me chills actually and was thinking to myself...nfw!


Just keep reciting these same two words over and over again- before you speak to her and in your head during the communication.

"Business Only".

If the conversation strays from that, immediately attempt to get back on topic or end the conversation immediately.


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## delta88 (Mar 9, 2015)

Thanks browser, what I've noticed in trying to honour my vows has put me at a serious disadvantage. She has burned hers but I was married in a church in front of God and put a lot of weight in my commitment.

My counselor told me not to roll around with the pigs unless I want to get dirty. I like that analogy because the nature of the animal is what I'm left dealing with. 

Now I sort of treat her like a child and respond with an immovable position. She always takes the same position; it's not her fault it's the circumstance. Then I just sit back riding the wave and hope to see the splash. It always ends up in the same spot where I am the problem. 

Biggest indicator for me is I am doing well and she is aging horribly and drinking to intoxication.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, stick to business.

If at all possible, keep all communication to text and email. That way you can respond when you are ready to respond. And you can take the time to think through your responses. Only reply to the business part of any communication.


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## delta88 (Mar 9, 2015)

Great advice as always Ele, she uses the boys to weasel her way back in or at least tries. For someone fleeing an abusive husband she sure likes maintaining a relationship on her terms. I deserve someone who wants me all the time and she is out there.

I wanted to post a very informative link to readers that may come across my thread if it's okay:

The Techniques of a Female Sociopaths


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Never answer her calls directly. Let them go to voice mail. Any texts not directly related to business - no response and delete.

On pick ups and drop offs once complete leave. No law saying you have to chat or talk. A quick "I gotta go" then LEAVE.

Read up
http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=AwrB..._Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=M2jBiQ8S9avrzcMNWtoYq5xADFg-


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## JrzyGrl (Sep 1, 2016)

always takes the same position; it's not her fault it's the circumstance. 

My husband always takes this position too. Such a childish attitude. You were wise to move on.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Yep, stick to business.
> 
> If at all possible,* keep all communication to text and email*. That way you can respond when you are ready to respond. And you can take the time to think through your responses. Only reply to the business part of any communication.


This and route all phone calls to voicemail. Read / listen on your timeline and only answer if it is related to your children. Even then, make sure it is something that actually needs a response.

You can also maintain a document trail. With someone like that, you have to keep a couple of degrees of separation if at all possible.

Great job on working on you and being a great Dad!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Glad you're finally moving on. 

I like the 'never answer the phone; let it go to voicemail' idea. 

Treat her like the mailman - never share more or inquire more than you would your mailman. IOW, be polite and kind but not stupid.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

We all knew she was a sociopath since your first post, I am so RELIEVED to read that you finally see it too! I am very glad to see that you are finally starting to find some peace and contentment as well. 

I agree with the others, business only with her, text and email only. If she crosses into harassment, then you can get a legal order in place too.


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## delta88 (Mar 9, 2015)

Marc, I appreciate the advice. Even at work I have started putting my needs first and can finally see the light. I will read NMMNG again and implement the suggestions outlined.

Jrzygirl, it is completely frustrating and even the simple things have to turn into a big issue. Like it is fine if my life is in torment but the second hers is I should bestow all the compassion and empathy on her. There's never any reciprocation. I'm busy blah blah blah. Everything but facing the truth. 

C1365, I got two great kids out of the deal and enjoy being a father on my terms not hers. She meddles in my time with the boys too and Facebook messages them the whole time I have them. It's frustrating buy feel sorry for her really. All she does now is drink until intoxication and smoke cigarettes: yuck. Feel the best when I block her texts all together actually.


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## delta88 (Mar 9, 2015)

Turnera, my buddy suggested something similar but refered to it as drive through caring. Care as much as someone you'd serve or be served at a drive through restaurant. Be nice but only give the appearance of caring. 

Charm, she only seems to contact me when she's drinking and any sort of boundaries I establish are met with complete silence. Sort of her way or the hiway. The road looks better everyday. 

She was calling me off the hook last night fron 2 until 4 am and text me telling me to come see her right now. I said to her that I am not going anywhere and she should have thought about this before she made the choices she did. Now she can lay in the bed she made for herself. 

Got a good job opportunity that I applied for and went in for fingerprinting this past week. Hoping to hear back Monday so if anyone out there is religious, put a good word in for me. I was hit on by the female police officer who took my prints too lol


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

delta88 said:


> Turnera, my buddy suggested something similar but refered to it as drive through caring. Care as much as someone you'd serve or be served at a drive through restaurant. Be nice but only give the appearance of caring.
> 
> Charm, she only seems to contact me when she's drinking and any sort of boundaries I establish are met with complete silence. Sort of her way or the hiway. The road looks better everyday.
> 
> ...


No. No, no, no, no. Just no.

The proper response to repeated texts and calls that are not directly related to your children or legal/business matters is NO RESPONSE. You cannot get sucked in if you do not engage.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Next time she blows up your phone like that, tell her if she doesnt knock it off, you will go to the authorities and get an order against her contacting you. Then STOP RESPONDING.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

She is going to continue harassing you to what ever degree you let her, you need to go cold and silent. As other have said your relationship with her going forward is strictly business, the business being raising your kids. Nothing and I mean absolutely noting else should ever be discussed with her, she is no longer your concern or your responsibility, keep telling yourself that and live that reality, it's for your own good.


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