# I'm almost 30 and never want kids



## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

There are probably similar threads out there, but I'm just curious about what other women think out there...

Are you a woman who does not have and does not want any children?

I decided at age 15 I didn't want to have babies and now, nearly 15 years later (I'll be 30 this fall) I haven't waivered in this decision (take that, Mom!)

Just wondered what others' experiences are like in the world of the childless. How do people react to your decision? (I've heard everything from "How can you be so selfish?" or "What's wrong with you?" to my favorite "You'll change your mind.")

And what's life like without kids as you get older? I don't even worry about regretting it in the future. I look forward to saving a ton of money, taking vacations for 2, having sex whenever we want, taking up new hobbies, meeting new friends, drinking whenever we want, etc etc...what about you?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I don't understand the how can you be so selfish or whats wrong with you part. I don't see how not wanting kids is selfish so long as your with another partner who for sure doesn't want kids or if your single. If single then make sure you get a partner who doesn't want kids. 


I can honestly say.. as a mother of three... I sure as hell have sex whenever i want and it certainly has been in the most interesting places. 



In my opinion... you should tell those who keep badgering you to get a life.


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

Gaia said:


> I can honestly say.. as a mother of three... I sure as hell have sex whenever i want and it certainly has been in the most interesting places.
> 
> 
> In my opinion... you should tell those who keep badgering you to get a life.


Gaia, kudos to you for being an awesome parent and spouse!!!

Also, just had throw out my favorite quote that I got from my great aunt a few months ago when she just straight up asked: "When ya having kids?"

I said, quite simply, "Never."

She honestly looked like I'd slapped her in the face. Her response was: "*snort* You better start shuckin' out kids before you dry up, then you'll really be sorry."

VERBATIM.  

I agree, they do need to get lives!!!


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

George529 said:


> Well, if leading a life of hedonism and debachery is what you want so be it. However, it's very likely you will regret it once you're 40+, or when you're old living in a retirement home and you realize you have nothing to pass on to the future.


So, you think it's not possible to have a fulfilled life without children?

And to have kids just so "I have something to pass on to the future" seems extremely short-sighted and selfish, doesn't it?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I have kids. Never had a problem with having sex or drinking when I wanted to. 

No money for vacations....bought a house that I love 

I don't care if people don't have children. I have childfree friends and friends with 6 kids. Makes no difference to me. Just be cool.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Having never wanted children in the first place, I've never considered myself childLESS. I adore the kids in my family and that my friends have had, but never felt the desire to have one in my body or in my house. I just turned 39 and celebrated with a girls weekend at a great resort in the desert with one of my best friends. We laid out, ate, drank and danced and I can honestly say that I don't think there is a single thing missing from my life right now.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

I think you are smart and you know what you want, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids. For the sake of the potential kids, isn't it better to just not have them than to go ahead and give into societal pressures and have kids you don't really want (or can't care for?) You are doing your "potential" children a much better service than the people who keep popping babies out raising them in substandard conditions, screaming at them, abusing them, because they didn't really want them. Not saying YOU would do that, but that does happen frequently. 

I don't get what is WRONG with people who think it's ANY of their business to comment on your choice to have or not have kids. Next time someone does that, you should ask them how many kids they have. Then ask WHY in the world did they want kids? And tell them that someday they'll regret having so many kids. See how they like it. 

:soapbox: 
BTW...I have one child. I wanted more but H didn't. When I tell people I have one child, this is what I get: "Just one? You didn't want more kids? Are you going to have another one? You'll regret only having one. Poor kid, being raised an only child...he deserves to have a brother or sister." It makes my blood boil when people make such pigheaded assumptions and feel like they are doing me a service telling me all the reasons I should have had more than one child. I don't appreciate that any more than someone with 2 kids would appreciate me grilling them as to why they had 2 kids. Why 2? Wasn't the first one good enough? Have you thought about how much more money 2 kids is going to cost you? Is it fair to divide your time up between 2 kids when you could've chosen to give full attention to the first one? Of course I don't really feel that way about having 2 or 3 or 6 kids. Just turning the tables a bit to show what it feels like for people to judge us about our reproductive choices.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I have 2 girls.

People ask when Ima try for a boy.

LMAO! I say, "Sorry, my girls are enough for me. A penis doesn't make a better child."


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

George529 said:


> Well, if leading a life of hedonism and debachery is what you want so be it. However, it's very likely you will regret it once you're 40+, or when you're old living in a retirement home and you realize you have nothing to pass on to the future.


:lol::rofl:



ok now that my belly laugh is out of the way...

I think being childfree is a personal choice and to those who decide to preach and push you into being a breeder, f*ck them and their rules.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting children just like there's nothing wrong with wanting them.SO and I will never have children together for a few reasons.First,I don't want more than the one I have.Second,he doesn't want children.Third,I'm unable to have more...and thankful for that.

I'll never be one of those people who thinks being a parent is the end all be all of life. a lot of those people put a sour taste in my mouth with all their judgments and child rearing snobbery.

There's a site about being childfree by choice.I like reading what those people have to say


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

People are nosy and should respect your decision.

With that said, personally, I also can't imagine being old and not being surrounded by children and grandchildren when I'm dieing. I kind of like it that men usually live shorter lives than their wives and get to die surrounded by family. Being in state care or even private care without a family (you've outlived everyone) is terrifying.

But the main reason I want kids is because I want them to experience a better childhood than I did. I'm an only child and have always wanted 3-4 kids.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Why must people expect everyone to conform this 'ideal' of marriage and breeding? Now I'm divorced I've got everyone saying 'ooh don't worry you'll find someone'

Errrr newsflash: I'm not worried and I don't need to find someone to be happy, I don't want more kids (I have one) and frankly you can all kiss my ass

Don't ever be ashamed of how you feel, I wish a few more people would actually think about the consquences before bringing more kids into the world. If there's anything more irritating than a smug parent pontificating about their bloody wunderkind I'd like to know what


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this mindset as an individual.

However, what is concerning is recent fertility rates among specific cultures...

I'd like to take a guess, OP, that you're white... If I'm wrong, nevertheless...

Anyone interested in world cultures might already be aware. But when each couple has one child, that entire culture is halved in one generation... Fertility rate...

When individuals have no children, populations are decreased even further than by half... For a culture to sustain itself, the average fertility rate of that culture must be 2.1 or higher.

Globally, right now, Spanish, English, and French bloodines are disappearing... Not integrating into other races, but disappearing... Many European cultures will be gone in about 100+ years, and the Spanish culture is predicted to be mostly gone in a little over 50 years with some of it maybe being saved and passed on only via intermingling with other cultures/races, however most of it WILL be just simply gone, something to read about in history books.

Lately, America has been following suit.

Declining fertility rate the biggest threat to America - YouTube

How fertility rate works in the preceding context (This video, SADLY, has a serious anti-Muslim agenda and slant at the end. Please ignore it. I couldn't find one that didn't but explained the phenomenon at the moment!):

World Domination by Fertility Rate - YouTube


One would think that the world's population is in trouble then, with so many cultures in decline... Not so much. Here is regional population growth graphically depicted and sped up, thousands of years in seconds:

World Population - YouTube


The truth is there have always been women and men who don't want children, but they've been few. 

Recently, there are many now that don't want children, but instead of being distributed among many different types of people, they are furiously occuring within specific cultures only... Sad.

OP, no matter what culture enriches you (because each one in the world does and is uniquely beautiful), no one can "make" you want to have children. Just know that some cultures are afflicted with excessive amounts of women and men like you, and this excess is passionately disconcerting the lives and visions of the future of those within these cultures that are desperately trying to ensure that history, language, food, art, and literature DOES remain for their future children one day, alive in a living world, not as footnotes in a history book about old, lost cultures.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> If there's anything more irritating than a smug parent pontificating about their bloody wunderkind I'd like to know what


Easy, the bumper stickers! You know, the ones all over the back of these parents' cars!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

We're in our 30's. No children, no plans to have children. 

I've never been on the receiving end of put-downs or judgement about this. I guess if I'm ever asked if we have children, just as a question, I have a tendency to use self-deprecating humor "Oh I could barely look after a chia-pet.." And they laugh and we move on. This isn't true of course but it's the way I answer the question. 

Most of our friends now have children and/or babies. I'm one of few who doesn't. I don't know, we're good with it. We plan on sharing our nurturing side in other ways. 

It's something we have talked seriously about between us and there's been emotional moments within that.


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

Ladies, what wonderful, overwhelming support! I should have probably mentioned in my OP that I have the utmost respect for good parents. Let's face it, you have the hardest, most demanding and expensive job on the planet, and you keep the world filled with great people! Without awesome people like you (and my own parents, who are amazing) literally, none of us would be here!

It's so nice to hear your thoughts on people who don't want to have kids. Those reasons I listed were the superficial ones off the top of my head...the list of reasons why I want to remain child-free is quite extensive, and namely, I've been an aunt for well over a decade. Being an aunt (or as I call it "parenting lite") feels like the best of both worlds. I can still impart life lessons, I can share in good times and bad, I have the joy of watching a wordless toddler grow into an active, impressive adult...and that job isn't 24/7. I don't have to deal with discipline, I don't have to rearrange my life...I just get to spoil my nieces, spend time with them whenever I can and just enjoy the process from a short distance. (It also doesn't hurt when my 11 year old niece tells me I'm her favorite aunt...so what if she only has 2!)  And beyond that...I see SO many people who keep having kids without actually thinking it through (my best friend's sister is 25 now, with 4 kids she never meant to have...it's not a good situation) and I almost overcompensate by over-analyzing the situation. In theory, having kids sounds nice, honestly. In moments, in snippets of imagination, it seems like it would be great. But the actuality of how difficult, time consuming and expensive being a parent really is brings me quickly back to reality. Again, Moms, Dads, I don't know how you do it, but bless you for it! Many, many kudos!

It's just become incredible to me how vocal complete strangers will be about one's personal child-rearing choices. Like, to ask a woman with 2 girls when she'll have a boy? That's almost hinting at "Well, you haven't done enough yet!!" I'm kind of blown away by how many people make it their business to comment on your child-rearing choices. And I've heard it from men AND women of aaaaaallll ages...my mom has been the biggest culprit of telling me I'll change my mind...but, hey, she's my mom, she's earned the freedom to harp on me a little  Though, in the past several years, she's knocked it off. I'm happily married and have been for many years...and my folks love their son-in-law, so mom's dealt with the fact there will be no more grandbabies from me. 

So, to turn the original post on it's head a little bit (is it possible to hijack one's own thread?) Moms...do you have any regrets about becoming a parent? What's the toughest part about being a parent? What's the best part? 

Thank you again for all your awesome comments! I was surprised to see so many mamas sound off in a positive way! Can't wait to hear what else you'll add!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I just wish people would stay out of other people's uteruses. Uteri? hahaha but Seriously.


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

Interlocutor said:


> There is absolutely nothing wrong with this mindset as an individual.
> 
> However, what is concerning is recent fertility rates among specific cultures...
> 
> ...


This is an absolutely fascinating post. Yes, I am white, and oddly enough, I have thought about this pertaining strictly to my family. I recently realized that my maiden name will most likely die off with me (I didn't change my name after I got married). My niece (brother's daughter) carries my last name, but will likely change it. She is his only child, and likely to be the only one. On my husband's side, he also only has one sibling and they only have one child. It's easy to look back at the past three generations of my families (including in-laws and both my parents' sides) to see the dwindling numbers. My grandparents all had 5 or more siblings, each had at least 3 kids (both my parents actually had 4 siblings) and then, all my aunts and uncles (with one exception who had five and another exception who had none) only had one or two kids. A couple of those cousins share my exact mindset on not having kids. 

So, it's easy to see how it changes by generation...now, this has me wondering...is this a bad thing? As more of us decide to not have kids (even in particular cultures) are there enough people who ARE raising kids to balance out the population? Or is this the first step to a MadMax style apocolypse where only a few feral children remain? (Ok, that's extreme, but you know what I mean.)

Thanks for that post!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I have no regrets even though I had my baby at 21 and she was...a surprise to say the least. Would I have had kids if I hadn't had her then? Probably not. Am I glad I did? Of course because she's fricking awesome

The best thing about kids is that you see this little person grow into an amazing human being (albeit a bit annoying) and think 'wow did I do that!?'

The worst thing is that I could have bought a Ferrari by now


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I don't see any issues if people choose to be childless. I would say its better to be child-free than have kids you don't want or love. 

I have three children and no regrets about any of them but I can say several of my friends chose to not be parents. It really IS hard on them when family and friends pressure them though. 

I would say that their reasons not to have kids isn't about drinking and sex but because they just don't have any desire for kids. 

To each their own...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I don't actually agree with ALL of these but many of the points are true and can be used to silence the nosy control freaks who want you to be a parent.Obviously,many people with children can do the same things as people without children.

Childfreedom: The Top 100 Reasons Not to Have Kids (and Remain Childfree)


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> I have three children and no regrets about any of them but I can say several of my friends chose to not be parents. It really IS hard on them when family and friends pressure them though.
> 
> I would say that their reasons not to have kids isn't about drinking and sex but because they just don't have any desire for kids.
> 
> ...


I did just want to re-iterate those were my "off the cuff" reasons as it were...I fear I sound like a horrible b**ch when it seems like I just wanna get drunk all the time. That's not what I mean!  I listed a few other reasons, but as I think about it, it might all just boil down to one simple fact: maybe I'm just too selfish to be a parent? 

Ugh, that's not a very friendly thought.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Interlocutor said:


> Easy, the bumper stickers! You know, the ones all over the back of these parents' cars!


You mean like this?


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

RandomDude...HOW DID YOU FIND MY CAR????  


juuuuuuust kidding.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lol, the best one I've seen was "Marriage is number 1 cause of divorce". I drove around with a Khas once, but everyone thought it was a "swastika" so bah -.- Traditional symbols that I can't use


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

I think my favorite was when I saw the traditional stick figure people on a rear window (you know the ones that represent like a mom, dad, however many kids and pets) but they were all zombies. To me, that's a light-hearted take on parenting...or they were just living in fear of the zombie apocalypse, who knows


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

plasmasunn said:


> So, it's easy to see how it changes by generation...now, this has me wondering...is this a bad thing? As more of us decide to not have kids (even in particular cultures) are there enough people who ARE raising kids to balance out the population? Or is this the first step to a MadMax style apocolypse where only a few feral children remain? (Ok, that's extreme, but you know what I mean.)
> 
> Thanks for that post!


The world is in NO danger of depopulating itself. Population is an ever growing thing.

World Population - The Current World Population


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

plasmasunn said:


> This is an absolutely fascinating post. Yes, I am white, and oddly enough, I have thought about this pertaining strictly to my family. I recently realized that my maiden name will most likely die off with me (I didn't change my name after I got married). My niece (brother's daughter) carries my last name, but will likely change it. She is his only child, and likely to be the only one. On my husband's side, he also only has one sibling and they only have one child. It's easy to look back at the past three generations of my families (including in-laws and both my parents' sides) to see the dwindling numbers. My grandparents all had 5 or more siblings, each had at least 3 kids (both my parents actually had 4 siblings) and then, all my aunts and uncles (with one exception who had five and another exception who had none) only had one or two kids. A couple of those cousins share my exact mindset on not having kids.
> 
> So, it's easy to see how it changes by generation...now, this has me wondering...is this a bad thing? As more of us decide to not have kids (even in particular cultures) are there enough people who ARE raising kids to balance out the population? Or is this the first step to a MadMax style apocolypse where only a few feral children remain? (Ok, that's extreme, but you know what I mean.)
> 
> Thanks for that post!


I did not want to come off as saying your decision is a bad thing... Please don't take it that way. In every culture it's good that there are people that don't want children... What ARE bad are the people that don't want children and HAVE them.

People that want them and are capable of taking care of them should have them. People that want to be childless as a personal choice absolutely SHOULD be childless... 

The population, interestingly is NOT in any danger. To the contrary, it's dangerously too high!

What are in danger, for unknown and widely debated reasons, are specific cultures, particularly mine and by your admission yours. Certain cultures are disappearing, experiencing genetic disease, and increasingly making life choices to simply not have children... Media responsible? Guilt ingrained somewhere? A campaign of _Carpe Diem_ subliminally administered to our culture somehow?

What I wanted with my post was to provoke thought and listen to the rationale of someone like you to better understand this problem... 

Again, YOU (your choice) are absolutely making a reasonable life choice that many good people make.

However OUR culture is experiencing a bizarrre stage and I'm just trying to understand why it is limited to our culture while others are thriving as cultures... I have some of my own answers but they are just highly speculative theories, and I wanted to hear your thoughts... Thanks for sharing! Do you have any other ideas that you can share?


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

norajane said:


> The world is in NO danger of depopulating itself. Population is an ever growing thing.
> 
> World Population - The Current World Population


Overall, yes... But not all sub-populations. In fact some are declining at ridiculously fast rates, being "phased out" quickly.


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

Unplanned pregnancy is often frowned upon by society. When a couple make a *considered *decision not to have children it's nobody's business but their own and they shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable about it. 

Choosing to be childless is on the increase. For those of us with kids it could be considered a bonus as childless couples are paying taxes etc which contribute to the well being and education of our children. 

Childless by choice: Statistics show more are opting out of parenthood | TribLIVE


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

TheCrunch said:


> Unplanned pregnancy is often frowned upon by society. When a couple make a *considered *decision not to have children it's nobody's business but their own and they shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable about it.
> 
> Choosing to be childless is on the increase. For those of us with kids it could be considered a bonus as childless couples are paying taxes etc which contribute to the well being and education of our children.
> 
> Childless by choice: Statistics show more are opting out of parenthood | TribLIVE


That article is very interesting!! A great quote reflects what we've been discussing....

"Many childfree people get grief and pressure from parents, friends and society. But giving your parents grandchildren, though a kind intention, is not a good enough reason to have kids, Walters says. Neither is wanting to duplicate yourself, or wanting someone to care for you when you're aging. 

“We're called selfish for not having kids,” she says. “I can't find anything that's selfish about it. I would call it more self-aware.” 

Thank you so much for that link!


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

Interlocutor said:


> What are in danger, for unknown and widely debated reasons, are specific cultures, particularly mine and by your admission yours. Certain cultures are disappearing, experiencing genetic disease, and increasingly making life choices to simply not have children... Media responsible? Guilt ingrained somewhere? A campaign of _Carpe Diem_ subliminally administered to our culture somehow?
> 
> What I wanted with my post was to provoke thought and listen to the rationale of someone like you to better understand this problem...
> 
> ...


Oh, no, I didn't take your post as saying it was a bad decision at all. If anything, it gave me pause on a part of the issue I have never actually considered. 

Can you be more specific on the "bizarre" stage to which you refer? And when you say "our" culture...I'll assume we're in the same boat: middle class, college educated, caucasian. My family is not big on ancestral roots, though my father's side is of English descent, while my mother's is Irish/Native American. I also have a ton of relatives from the South. 

I don't necessarily think our culture is in danger (if that's what you're hinting at?) of losing its identity. Shoot, we all have crazy different histories and America is a delightful melting pot of ethnicies, cultures, languages and people. I think what's important is to nurture the children we do have in our society so they can contribute to its evolution and improvement. Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy being around children...most kids are a delight (my almost-2-year-old niece never ceases to amaze me!) and we have much WE can learn from THEM, just as they grow up learning by our examples.

You mentioned maybe the media as a reason...I wouldn't be surprised. But I'd actually think this has the opposite effect...think about how many celebrities have babies...Kim Kardashian's pregnant belly is alllllll over the tabloids...if anything, I'd say there's a stronger societal pressure TO HAVE children than to not. As far as what influences people...I really think the majority of people I know have kids because that's what they want to do. parenting is a rewarding endeavor that they've always wanted to undertake. On the flip side, I also know people who have kids 1) just to have them 2) completely on accident, don't even want them and have them anyway 3) to trap someone into a relationship. 

OK, this response is all over the map! Tell me some more of your specific thoughts and theories we'll see what I can add!


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## FrustratedHub (Oct 28, 2011)

Just my two cents here, I think when a physically and mentally healthy person (male or female) decides they don't want kids, I believe the main driver behind said decision is selfishness. I'm not talking about those that decide not to have children due to mental and or physical issues where a person might come to a reasonable conclusion that they aren't fit to raise kids.

This is my general sense of the issue, not directed at the OP. 

I have known many people over the years that have declared they don't want kids. In every instance, the reasons are pretty much all the same.

I want:

*To be able to take nice vacations.
*To be able to do what I want when I want.
*To not have to answer to anyone.
*To not be tied down.
*To make more money.
*To save more money.
*To have nice things.

The list can go on and on. The overriding theme of the list centers around what one can do for oneself without kids, and what they would have to sacrifice to have kids. Making a decision to not have kids solely (or mostly) on the merits of what you would have to perceptually give up is the definition of selfish (IMHO).

Don't get me wrong, it's not illegal to be selfish, and you certainly aren't hurting anyone else by deciding to not have kids, and it is completely your business and no one else's. All that said, lets not pretend that selfishness isn't the main driving factor here (IMHO).

I want to reiterate again that this is not directed solely at the OP. I just wanted to add my thoughts on the matter in general.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Kudos in expressing what you want,
What you want is what matters. Totally respectable.
"never" is a long time. Sometimes I leave myself open to "not in the near future".

Who knows what the future will bring. If you ever change your mind, don't feel guilty about that either. 

And yeah it brings to mind a college friend. Who never wanted kids. At 35, she adopted her sister's 3 kids, all under 10. Both their parents were killed in an accident.

She used to get sooo angry at people who flipped their noses at her and said she would never be a good parent, because she said she NEVER wanted to have kids. Not a nice thing to get repeated back to those kids, but people can be cruel. 

She's an awesome "mom". She loved not having to go through the baby stuff, or being pregnant. She's got an instant family that she's grateful for. 

But that still makes her one who chose to not have kids 
So it all worked out in the end.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

As someone whose life desire was to BE a Mother and raise a larger family, I would NEVER tell someone they were selfish for not wanting kids... Just as my desire is NOT every other woman's.. I would bulk at their life of luxury with no children...

I was more jealous over pregnant women in my life than any force I have ever known -when I couldn't conceive....

Maybe this will sound backwards to some... but I felt selfish for wanting as many as I did... because some people may feel we didn't make enough $$ to have this many kids.. so what is wrong with us [email protected]#$ Judgements abound... 

I feel wholly blessed to be a Mom... and wouldn't trade this for the world at my feet, even a million dollars.. it is in whatever fufills a person/ a couple... Even though I hope our children will be around when we are older... I do NOT expect this...I want them to live full lives...I want them to have their own families to love one day..our work will be done. 
I look at raising them as a gift given to me... 

The world really is too full now ... too many unwanted children, foster care exploding....this only breeds suffering children who grow into disillusioned adults... People should live their passions...in this you will touch more lives...Some of us was hand picked to be parents, it was something yearning deep inside of us.... while others are meant to have careers that bless many many lives... 

It's all in what you want.. so long as husband & wife agree... be blessed.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

plasmasunn said:


> Oh, no, I didn't take your post as saying it was a bad decision at all. If anything, it gave me pause on a part of the issue I have never actually considered.
> 
> Can you be more specific on the "bizarre" stage to which you refer? And when you say "our" culture...I'll assume we're in the same boat: middle class, college educated, caucasian. My family is not big on ancestral roots, though my father's side is of English descent, while my mother's is Irish/Native American. I also have a ton of relatives from the South.
> 
> I don't necessarily think our culture is in danger (if that's what you're hinting at?) of losing its identity. Shoot, we all have crazy different histories and America is a delightful melting pot of ethnicies, cultures, languages and people.


American culture is growing... White American cultures, not so much... And white European races and European non-mixtures are disappearing as shown in the prior video. Once at 30 to 40%, whites are now at something like 12% of the world's population and STILL declining. We are going away fast, and we are subliminally taught that to be proud of our race is taboo or wrong. Most of the other races in America are encouraged, by contrast, to proud of theirs.

For example, I am a largely mixed Spanish-Greco-Roman white, black of hair (now with some gotdamn greys), and with dark green eyes... My Greek first name has been passed down from father to firstborn son for about a thousand years (yes, I have a son and yes he has my first name as his first name). I have one child so far and I am going for my second, but all my cousins either have one child or most of them don't want any. Most are childless... It's hard to get answers from them why, and they get uncomfortable talking about our heritage... The curiosity is intense, and I wish they'd tell me more. They're all LOADED ($$$), have everything materially they could want, while I'm the broke one, my wife and I both teachers, and we love children... It's almost working against us like a well-formed formula, and I can't figure out what it is. 



> I think what's important is to nurture the children we do have in our society so they can contribute to its evolution and improvement. Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy being around children...most kids are a delight (my almost-2-year-old niece never ceases to amaze me!) and we have much WE can learn from THEM, just as they grow up learning by our examples.


That is important... While parents like to feel special, it takes a village to raise a child.



> You mentioned maybe the media as a reason...I wouldn't be surprised. But I'd actually think this has the opposite effect...think about how many celebrities have babies...Kim Kardashian's pregnant belly is alllllll over the tabloids...if anything, I'd say there's a stronger societal pressure TO HAVE children than to not. As far as what influences people...I really think the majority of people I know have kids because that's what they want to do. parenting is a rewarding endeavor that they've always wanted to undertake. On the flip side, I also know people who have kids 1) just to have them 2) completely on accident, don't even want them and have them anyway 3) to trap someone into a relationship.


I wonder... I wonder if the the drop in fertility rate is related to maybe some kind of reactionary push against the media's push for having children, tabloids and whatnot. Maybe there is more to it. Why is it affecting only one race and not the others? That can't be it... Economic factors are in there too... This is just so wildly debated that there's no accepted guide to this, not even a on-the-surface theory that's accepted yet... Sure, there are conspiracy theories...

I suppose we will figure it out one day, along with why the hell some man would brave to put his penis into the Kardashian lady.


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

FrustratedHub said:


> The list can go on and on. The overriding theme of the list centers around what one can do for oneself without kids, and what they would have to sacrifice to have kids. Making a decision to not have kids solely (or mostly) on the merits of what you would have to perceptually give up is the definition of selfish (IMHO).
> 
> Don't get me wrong, it's not illegal to be selfish, and you certainly aren't hurting anyone else by deciding to not have kids, and it is completely your business and no one else's. All that said, lets not pretend that selfishness isn't the main driving factor here (IMHO).
> 
> I want to reiterate again that this is not directed solely at the OP. I just wanted to add my thoughts on the matter in general.


It's OK, you can direct it at me  I actually posted earlier this very question. "Maybe I'm just too selfish to have kids?" I think this is certainly a large part of it. Beyond that, though, I actually think a decent analogy is my attempt at learning to play guitar. I took lessons for a couple years when I was 13, can play OK, but ultimately realized that I didn't have the "musicianship" it required to become great (by that I mean, the drive/desire to improve simply wasn't in me.) And I came to believe only these people become great guitarists...the ones who've truly wanted it and will do anything to get there. I think the same thing of parenthood...either you've got it in ya or ya don't. I feel like I don't. 



deejov said:


> And yeah it brings to mind a college friend. Who never wanted kids. At 35, she adopted her sister's 3 kids, all under 10. Both their parents were killed in an accident.
> 
> She used to get sooo angry at people who flipped their noses at her and said she would never be a good parent, because she said she NEVER wanted to have kids. Not a nice thing to get repeated back to those kids, but people can be cruel.
> 
> ...


OK, that is one of the saddest things I have ever heard. But major, major kudos to your friend for stepping up and doing what's best. I can't imagine how tough it would be to suddenly adopt that role. 
I've actually told several friends that if I could give birth to a fully-matured 16 year old, parent for 2 years and turn them out into the world, I'd totally be a parent. (Obviously, it's impossible...) But you never know the curve balls life will throw at you, but were that to happen to either my brother or sister-in-law, I would absolutely step in and raise their girls as my own (would they trust me with custody? that's another question entirely!) 



SimplyAmorous said:


> The world really is too full now ... too many unwanted children, foster care exploding....this only breeds suffering children who grow into disillusioned adults... People should live their passions...in this you will touch more lives...Some of us was hand picked to be parents, it was something yearning deep inside of us.... while others are meant to have careers that bless many many lives...
> 
> It's all in what you want.. so long as husband & wife agree... be blessed.


Great, great points! Something I didn't mention earlier (and maybe I should have specified in the beginning that I really never want to HAVE kids, as in, be pregnant and give birth) but I'd be open to adoption down the line. However, it's not a goal of mine, but a child-rearing facet i haven't completely ruled out. As you said, there are SOOOO many people having kids they don't want...I feel I could do some good by helping out these kids, as opposed to bringing new ones in the world. 

Thank you all for your awesome insight!!! I'm really enjoying all your viewpoints and contributions!


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

This topic is something I've been thinking a lot about. Thanks OP for putting yourself out there for such a great conversation. I have one child and I think part of the reason I had him was from outside pressure. I adore him though and love being his mommy. Now I'm getting the pressure to have another. It seemed as soon as he was born, that was the question on everyone's mind. Sheesh. Well I really don't want to have another and the more I hear about people being happy with one or not having any at all, the less I feel I should force myself to have another.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> I don't know if men receive the lectures women get about wanting to be childfree. Do you childless gentlemen?


As a guy, I haven't receieved any kind of reproachment for pursuing a childfree life and I'm now 48. I knew in my mid-20's that I didn't want to have children and when I mention it, there is nothing said from anyone about how "selfish" I am nor how I'll regret my decision in the future, unlike what a lot of women hear, often from other women.


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

Kermitty said:


> This topic is something I've been thinking a lot about. Thanks OP for putting yourself out there for such a great conversation. I have one child and I think part of the reason I had him was from outside pressure. I adore him though and love being his mommy. Now I'm getting the pressure to have another. It seemed as soon as he was born, that was the question on everyone's mind. Sheesh. Well I really don't want to have another and the more I hear about people being happy with one or not having any at all, the less I feel I should force myself to have another.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, you're welcome, didn't feel like I was putting myself out there in a weird way. And have surprisingly gotten so many awesome answers from parents! 
And just my opinion...you say "the less I feel I should force myself to have another." If you're forcing it, that doesn't sound like it would make anyone happy!!! Having one child must be hard enough!


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

tm84 said:


> As a guy, I haven't receieved any kind of reproachment for pursuing a childfree life and I'm now 48. I knew in my mid-20's that I didn't want to have children and when I mention it, there is nothing said from anyone about how "selfish" I am nor how I'll regret my decision in the future, unlike what a lot of women hear, often from other women.


Oddly enough, I get more comments from men! The ones from women are usually just in my family. But lots of married men with kids (and even single guys!) have asked me why I don't have kids and they are strangely the majority that tell me I'll change my mind! (not counting my mom, of course, but I've known her for almost 30 years now!)


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

I had decided early on in my life that I did not want children, at the time my decision was based on the fact that I had already raised a much younger sister and a niece by the time I was 25 years old. I married at 30 (still married) to a man who also did not want children.

However, be careful what you plan for … at age 43 we became the parents of a 5 year old orphaned niece (now 19 years old).


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## firefly789 (Apr 9, 2013)

I think more people should actually think about it before they have kids. It just seems that people go into parenthood just because it's the thing to do. I've seen parents who can't or won't make the sacrifices necessary to raising children. I don't view not having children as selfish. I view it as well though out in your case. Kudos to you for realizing who you are. 

You can put extra time in with nieces or nephews if you desire and build some great relationships. That's what my sister did. She knew she never wanted kids from the time she was a teenager. She married someone with the same view. She has never regretted it. I respect her decision. Is your aunt always that rude?


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Just came across this article. Amazingly honest and shows why if you don't want to have kids, you shouldn't. Obviously being a legal guardian to a child who has lost their parents is a different situation. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2303588/The-mother-says-having-children-biggest-regret-life.html#ixzz2PuPJefdS
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

I am pretty much in the same boat as you are OP. 30 years old and do not want to have any children as well. 
I have heard so many different things over time. From "You'll change your mind" to "How can you be so selfish?"
Some people just can't seem to accept our decisions and try their best to change our minds.
What's most important is that you are confident in knowing that you have made the right decision. Others will just have to accept that over time.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

On topic, I never wanted kids either, when my wife/gf at the time got pregnant I kinda panicked, but now she's the reason I go on. Kids do give you purpose in life, especially with awesome daughters like mine.

But still, I can't stand other people's kids... family is a different story I guess, I played with my cousins growing up, but I can never see myself taking care of someone else's kids, and quite frankly they annoy the sh-t outta me when I'm at work. I leave my waiters to do the kid-talk while I stay in my office and sleep.

Not saying you need children to know the meaning of life or anything, whatever your decision there's nothing really right and wrong about this, and personally I reckon you should tell those people pushing you to have kids to mind their own business.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> But still, I can't stand other people's kids... family is a different story I guess, I played with my cousins growing up, but I can never see myself taking care of someone else's kids, and quite frankly they annoy the sh-t outta me when I'm at work. I leave my waiters to do the kid-talk while I stay in my office.


Ha I'm the same way. Adore my son but strangers kids, yuck. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I rather see someone who like the OP decided not to have kids, which I think is great. Than to see people having 5+ kids and mistreat them or worse have them to "save" a marriage. Children are a blessing, and a huge responsibly they deserved to be wanted and planned for. I'm sure the OP would be a great mom is she wanted children. But I am certain she makes a great aunt, friend, and mentor. I have family member who choose not to have kids and I always respect that. 

And like Samantha in sex in the city said "I shouldn't be punished for not having kids,
I should be rewarded."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

*FrustratedHub*: I don't understand the POINT of your post! How is being SELFISH bad? Would it be ADVANTAGEOUS for people who PREFER vacations and cars to HAVE children they would then resent?

*Plasmasunn:*

Any regrets: NO! I always wanted to be a Mom. I was 40yo when my BEAUTIFUL daughter was born!

Toughest part: Wondering what you could have done BETTER for them.

Best part: EVERY part is GREAT!
When they're little, it's watching them laugh, and look in wonder, and explore. It's hearing them say, "I love you, Mama!"

When they're older, it's watching them learn to read, and make new friends. It's listening to them voice new opinions, make jokes that crack you up, watching them develop their own style.

When they're teens, it's seeing what they'll look like as men/women, seeing what excites them...what LIGHTS them up, seeing who melts their heart, learning what THEY want out of life! 

It's FUN and funny and sad and scary and so FVCKING AWESOME! This PERSON, this whole complete person who started out as a totally helpless baby, now stands before you and discusses life and love and politics and fashion and inanities and profundities and it makes you feel TRULY HUMBLE.


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> *FrustratedHub*: I don't understand the POINT of your post! How is being SELFISH bad? Would it be ADVANTAGEOUS for people who PREFER vacations and cars to HAVE children they would then resent?
> 
> *Plasmasunn:*
> 
> ...


What a wonderful post (I honestly did a quick check to make sure you weren't MY mom!!!) 

And looking at my life and how much my parents have invested in me financially, emotionally...how much they've sacrificed (and between chronic illness, ridiculous debt...Good lord, my parents have just done some amazing things) just, how much they LOVE my brother and me...it overwhelms me and I am very close with my folks, can tell them/ask them anything, we're there for each other whenever it's needed, we know each other very well and they tell me every week how proud of me they are. I am honestly tearing up writing about this! We've been through so much and I just adore my folks...but they were far from perfect. Just did the best they could with what they had...and they always wanted to be parents. They would have had FOUR kids instead of two if there weren't miscarriages and my mom getting sick...

My point is (I am prepared for the "boooo's" that will likely ensue here) I look at the amazing gift of life my parents gave me (and beyond that, they taught me how to be a good person, friend, girlfriend, worker, wife, etc) and I just have no desire to pass that on. Don't get me wrong...as I mentioned, I love my family, I get excited to hang out with my nieces, I love watching kids grow...but I guess I feel all those things my parents gave me, I use every day. I don't owe it to my folks to have them some grandbabies...I owe it to my folks to keep running with everything they taught me. To continue to be successful to repay that huge college tuition investment they put in me, to show them that I AM worth all the time, blood, sweat and tears they put in to raise a good person. 

When I think about all the things my parents have done for me...I just have absolutely no desire to adopt that role myself. 

But all this said...THANK YOU to every good parent out there who prides themselves on being a mom/dad, puts their children first and makes huge, often thankless, sacrifices to give your kids a better life. YOU are the ones who make the world go round.


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

Kermitty said:


> Just came across this article. Amazingly honest and shows why if you don't want to have kids, you shouldn't. Obviously being a legal guardian to a child who has lost their parents is a different situation. The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life | Mail Online
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow...brutally honest! But an interesting and frank read.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Oh wow I just posted the same exact question in the general section I'm almost 30 myself and I don't have kids. Had the same thoughts as a teenager and help raising 5 other kids (brothers & sisters) I was good after that. lol


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