# All my husband wants...



## littleconfused (Jan 4, 2012)

My husband and I have been married since May. He is a bit controlling in every aspect of the marriage, and has strayed a few times. He hasn't gone out and done anything, bit I have caught him talking to other women, looking for sex.

When it comes to our sex life, all my husband wants is to have anal sex. He swears that he wants to start a family, and get me pregnant, but whenever we have sex, it just goes back to him wanting anal. He acts as if he wont love me, unless I let him do it, and will hint that he will get it from somewhere else if I don't. He blatantly will tell me that he wont be happy, unless I do it. I don't know how to get around this.

What should I do???


----------



## littleconfused (Jan 4, 2012)

Also, when we do have sex, the only was I can "finish" is when I'm on top. So, I do this, then let him do the whole anal thing. He gets infuriated by this, and says that we only do whatever I want, and he's not allowed to do what he wants.

PLEASE HELP!


----------



## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

OK... married since May. He's already out "looking for sex" and hinting that he'll get anal from someplace else if you don't do it.

To top it off, he gets "infuriated" that you want ANYTHING other than the anal he wants???

Sounds like he's EXTREMELY controlling, and if it's this bad this early, it will likely just get worse.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When you say that you caught him looking for sex, what have you caught him doing?

Your sex life sounds very unsatisfying. Seems that your husband resents having to do anything that is not for him alone. 

This does not sound like a relationship in which you should be having children. Not with him looking for and constanlty threatening to go elsewhere for sex. 

How seriously are you considering leaving him. It's something that you might want to seriously consider.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Leave...

Your much better off. You married a very selfish man. You can not change who he is, but you can change yourself. It sounds like he does not want a family.

In the beginning of my marriage, I could not for the life of me give my husband a blowjob. I can not stomach semen, I will throw up and I have no idea why. We tried using flavored condoms, but that didn't work either. My husband stood by my side the whole time. He went 11-12 years without oral sex and not once complained about it. Oral is very important to a man. Not once did my husband ever push me into doing anything I didn't want to do.

You will be miserable if you stay in a controlling relationship. My first husband was controlling and abusive. Actually, every controlling person I've come across is abusive in some sort of way(usually verbally/emotionally). I would leave before you start a family. Unless your husband see's his behavior as a problem, he will never change. My ex h has gotten more controlling and abusive over the years. I was only married to him for a year. We had a child together. He was not a good influence on her and verbally abused her as well. My ex has zero respect for women. Your husband has zero respect for you. Don't ever justify or downplay his controlling behavior. It's wrong and you are aware of it. Good luck, I wish you the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## littleconfused (Jan 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> When you say that you caught him looking for sex, what have you caught him doing?
> 
> Your sex life sounds very unsatisfying. Seems that your husband resents having to do anything that is not for him alone.
> 
> ...


I have caught him on dating websites, and sending out emails as "married but looking." He says he does this because his ex-wife cheated on him, and he's so used to being cheated on. I am extremely faithful, but he just can't grasp that. He'll admit to talking to other women, but justifies himself by saying that he hasn't gone out and done anything. I love him to death, but he constantly makes me feel like I can't make him happy.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi littleconfused ~

A marital relationship involves two people - both with wants, needs, desires, dreams, and thoughts. But, those two people are of equal value within the marriage. YOU have equal value in your marriage.

And one of the things that should be happening is a healthy level of respect - each of you for the other and each for yourself. However, your husband's actions seem to indicate that he has little respect for you and does not place equal value of you within the marriage, and your complacency in accepting that as okay or going along with it seems to indicate that you also do not place equal respect or value in yourself either.

My suggestion - Begin to place respect and value in yourself. Start to set some boundaries about what you feel is acceptable within your marriage and your life. Set consequences for when those boundaries are being breached. You can do that. You ARE worth it. 

Best wishes.


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

littleconfused said:


> My husband and I have been married since May. He is a bit controlling in every aspect of the marriage, and has strayed a few times. He hasn't gone out and done anything, bit I have caught him talking to other women, looking for sex.
> 
> When it comes to our sex life, all my husband wants is to have anal sex. He swears that he wants to start a family, and get me pregnant, but whenever we have sex, it just goes back to him wanting anal. He acts as if he wont love me, unless I let him do it, and will hint that he will get it from somewhere else if I don't. He blatantly will tell me that he wont be happy, unless I do it. I don't know how to get around this.
> 
> What should I do???


So many red flags I see. You remain with him why?


----------



## littleconfused (Jan 4, 2012)

I posted this in another thread- but here's some more info on our marriage:

My husband was previously married, and his ex-wife was abusive. Because that marriage failed, he acts like ours will, too.

We are currently living with roommates, and when I talk about getting our own place, he tells me that his ex-wife changed dramatically when they got their own place, so he thinks I will, too.

For Christmas, I wanted a new wedding band because I've lost a substantial amount of weight, and my current one is too big. He says he wont buy it until he feels that our marriage will work out.

Because of his previous marriage, and them both cheating on each other, he keeps me under constant lock and key. I am not allowed to go anywhere besides work, and the gym, and am not allowed to go hang out with friends (Not that I have any anymore). I am extremely faithful, but he likes to go onto online dating sites, and post as married but looking. I have caught his talking to other women about sex, but he hasn't gone out and done anything. He says he does it because he's so used to being cheated on (ie. his ex-wife).

How do I convince him that I am NOT his ex-wife, or anything like her? How do I make this work?


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

littleconfused said:


> He acts as if he wont love me, unless I let him do it, and will hint that he will get it from somewhere else if I don't. He blatantly will tell me that he wont be happy, unless I do it. I don't know how to get around this.


I think this part is what sticks out to me the most. He doesn't seem to care for you feelings and is using, the "I wont be happy" Or the "I will seek it elsewhere" card to get you to do something you do not care for. 

There seems to be other issues in the marriage as well. Have you thought about MC for you both? IMO, I couldn't stay with a person who would use threats or guilt to make me do something I don't want to.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

littleconfused said:


> I posted this in another thread- but here's some more info on our marriage:
> 
> My husband was previously married, and his ex-wife was abusive. Because that marriage failed, he acts like ours will, too.
> 
> ...


by leaving his a** sooner than his x wife did.

do you enjoy anal sex that much? what if you said hey honey why not just have regular sex tonight.

are you prepared to have only anal sex the rest of your life?


sorry you have picked a real winner there good luck. my advice would be to get out of this relationship as fast as possible.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You need to leave...

No one deserves to be treated this way ever! He will only get worse as time passes. I was there, I know. My ex was like yours, very abusive and controlling. He blamed everything on me, he was full of lies. You would be very smart not to have children with him. You have no idea how it can ruin their lives too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I cannot figure out why you are married to this guy. If he doesn't believe things will work out between you, and he's already looking elsewhere for sex, what on earth are either of you getting out of this relationship?!?!?!


----------



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

you don't want to be living under the condition of providing anal sex to keep your relation going. THats literally a painful relationship...literally!

I would sit him down and talk to him if I were you. Time to draw the line or start considering moving on. Being hostage to anal sex is not a healthy relationship.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Also, his ex wife wasn't the abusive one he was/is.

I've lived your life. I left, it's too bad I had to have a child with him. He ruined her emotionally on purpose. I can't believe I stayed with that fool a whole year. He put me through hell and back in that one year. He couldn't control me, so he would go into these rages. He almost killed my daughter and I in one of the rages with his car after holding me hostage in my apartment screaming at me how worthless I was. He took pictures of me crying. He was and still is a very sick person. BTW, he has gotten worse these last 17 years. I can't believe his wife, who was one of his mistresses, is still with him. My ex has no respect for women or anyone in that matter.

You will live one miserable life if you stay. Believe me, I know. He will tell the next girl how abusive you were to her. Your husband will never take responsibility for anything. You better get checked for STD's and stop sleeping with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

littleconfused said:


> I posted this in another thread- but here's some more info on our marriage:
> 
> My husband was previously married, and his ex-wife was abusive. Because that marriage failed, he acts like ours will, too.
> 
> ...



He's going to go look for extramarital sex now because his ex cheated on him? That makes sense how? Just curious, have you confirmed all these horrible things about his previous marriage? He was abused, he was cheated on, etc. 

You don't need to convince him your not his ex wife, he needs to quit making excuses for being a 100% ******* to you. He's being a jerk because he seems to think he can. 

You need to lay it out for him and decide if this is how you want to live your married life. Otherwise, you will be stuck as time goes on. Do not have children with him until all of this stops!


----------



## littleconfused (Jan 4, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Also, his ex wife wasn't the abusive one he was/is.
> 
> I've lived your life. I left, it's too bad I had to have a child with him. He ruined her emotionally on purpose. I can't believe I stayed with that fool a whole year. He put me through hell and back in that one year. He couldn't control me, so he would go into these rages. He almost killed my daughter and I in one of the rages with his car after holding me hostage in my apartment screaming at me how worthless I was. He took pictures of me crying. He was and still is a very sick person. BTW, he has gotten worse these last 17 years. I can't believe his wife, who was one of his mistresses, is still with him. My ex has no respect for women or anyone in that matter.
> 
> ...


I can see where you are coming from when you say his ex-wife wasn't the abusive one, but she was. She was physically abusive- she even stabbed him, which severed his kidney.


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

He is controlling. He is looking for sex elsewhere even though you say he said it hasn't happened but he is looking. There was cheating going on with his previous wife from both sides. He thinks you will be like his ex wife. And all he wants is anal, and threatens to find sex elsewhere or that he will not be happy unless you do that, even if you do not like it. 

So my question to you is, what are you getting out of this relationship? Sounds like its pretty toxic to me.


----------



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

littleconfused said:


> I can see where you are coming from when you say his ex-wife wasn't the abusive one, but she was. She was physically abusive- she even stabbed him, which severed his kidney.


Is she in jail?


----------



## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

My heart bleeds for you. To be brief…H is a jerk.

Why would anyone troll sites as “married but, looking”? Old habits die hard. His explanation makes no sense except to expose him as a good lyer as must cheats are. He does not trust you because like most cheaters he think everyone is like him. 

If that isn’t bad enough he is wildly selfish sexually. You seem more agreeable in this area than most women. He should be grateful. Instead he seems to WANT to deny you anything that you want….and to boot he wants you to stay living with roomates. 

I agree with Jameson on this...Honey this man is toxic and no good. Regardless of what this man has gone through...his wife sounds like a nut-job and so does he. 

Run for the hills and realize you made a mistake. Staying with this man will only GUARANTEE you a lifetime of misery, heartake and likely an STD. 

God bless you.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

littleconfused said:


> I can see where you are coming from when you say his ex-wife wasn't the abusive one, but she was. She was physically abusive- she even stabbed him, which severed his kidney.


Either she was defending herself or she is just as dangerous as your husband. No one needs to be treated like a slave. I'm sure your husband has very high expectations of you. Living with my ex, I worked full time and paid the bills, cleaned the house, dropped/picked up the baby from daycare and took care of her. My ex expected me to wait on him hand and foot. He expected me to make his lunch for the next day. He only worked part time. He would go out and spend 5,000 on music equipment for himself.

He also took my checkbook and drivers license, took a credit card in my name and maxed it out. I was lucky it was only one card. I didn't realize that was identity theft back then. He maxed out my other credit card too. I had never used it before and had it for emergencies and an ID.

It's up to you though. You can continue to defend him pretending it's not that bad when it is. My husband now is absolutely wonderful. We've been married 12 years and have a fabulous relationship. He's my best friend and a great father. My husband does everything for me and always put my needs before his.

There are better men out there. You've got to set your standards higher. I'd much rather be with someone who loves me vs someone who hurts me. Move back home with your family or a friend until you get back on your feet. We all make choices in life. Some are smart others are not.

Good luck... Leave this man and do it soon!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## theduck (Jan 2, 2012)

My advice...

Is that you get the f*ck out of this relationship.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You need to leave.

This man is damaged, he doesn`t want a wife he wants a sex toy.

He`s unable to commit to your marriage and already expects it to fail so when it does he won`t have to be blamed or work t fix it.

Divorce or spend your life miserable.


----------



## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

Is your husband Greek by any chance? (joking, lol).

For certain people, anal is a control thing. They want anal because they want to OWN you. That's why I will never do anal (aside from the excrutiating pain) - no man owns me. No offence but your man sounds like a bit of an idiot. I would get rid of him - he doesn't respect you in the slightest. Plenty more out there who will be happy with normal sex. The only other thing I can think of is maybe your husband is gay but in the closet? Normally people like this only like anal because they can pretend their partner is a man during the act. I dunno. But either way it looks pretty grim.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Please don't bring children into this existence. If you care so little about yourself that you want to stay then stay. Dont be irresponsible and selfish and bring innocent souls into this misery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

littleconfused said:


> My husband and I have been married since May. He is a bit controlling in every aspect of the marriage, and has strayed a few times. He hasn't gone out and done anything, bit I have caught him talking to other women, looking for sex.
> 
> When it comes to our sex life, all my husband wants is to have anal sex. He swears that he wants to start a family, and get me pregnant, but whenever we have sex, it just goes back to him wanting anal. He acts as if he wont love me, unless I let him do it, and will hint that he will get it from somewhere else if I don't. He blatantly will tell me that he wont be happy, unless I do it. I don't know how to get around this.
> 
> What should I do???


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Was your husband like this prior to your marriage?
Do not have children with this guy. He sounds like a snake. Do not waste your time with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TallJeff (Nov 1, 2011)

Do you know why he keeps comparing you to his ex-wife?

Because HE hasn't changed.

If the ex-wife was really the problem, and he upgraded to a better woman, he would be more relaxed. He wouldn't have the need to compare the two of you. My guess is that she was abusive because she was just fighting back against a mean-spirited control freak. 

DO NOT have children with this man until you seem him change. And given I give that no chance, I'd say think strongly about leaving.

I don't say that lightly. But this man doesn't deserve you.


----------



## bpsleo (Jan 12, 2012)

Get out of this relationship as fast you can. There is no fuiure in it for you. You may regret if u continue. Take hard decision, now and if not then it will be never:scratchhead:


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I don't care if you stay or leave, but for the love of God please do not have babies until you get your crap worked out. You're going to feel TRAPPED if you have a kid and you're going to screw this kids life forever. Get your marriage fixed before you even think about it. And fixed means for months and months, not like 3 days of him being nice.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

leave this knuckledragger immediately! If you believe he is not cheating on you then you are delusional. Make a plan, leave and do not look back.


----------

