# Restless bf



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

eHere I am 7 years post divorce and my boyfriend and his son moved in with me and my son. I had a bad gut feeling about his coldness and unhappiness lately. When I talked to him about it he said he said covid19 and having his mom who has dementia staying with us occasionally for a week is really getting to him. We got a dog recently and because i have been working and studying and home schooling my son, he has been taking care of a lot of the usual stuff at home that we do jointly and has not been able to work since covid. The puppy is a lot of work.

I checked his texts and found a conversation with a male friend where he talks about how he doesn't know if he can just have one girlfriend. He said he is happy now because he is at least saving money living here. When his friend responded he needed stability and to try and eat that box and "stop banging your girl with your eyes closed lol" i don't know if he is kidding around or if he got that info from my bf. Our sex life has been sparse because he says my son keep crawling into bed and bf is stressed about covid and job finance stuff. My boyfriend responded to his friend "i need a new box." and that's the last I read.

I'll be honest, after i read the first part i needed a few days to process. I couldn't fully digest that he was saying the only reason he is here is to save money. When I went back today to doublecheck on his messages, I saw the above. I'm now panicking seriously. My ex husband was caught cheating and luckily my son was too young to remember before separation but he has bonded with my bf and they spend a lot of time together. I don't know if I even want to discuss all this with bf because what happens if he is cheating? He has a dating app called bustr on his ipad which he shares with his son but no way to tell if he is using it or his son. When I tried to open it nothing happened. 

How do I tell if he is on apps actively meeting up with folks? Is he cheating already? I keep burying it all because his son and mine have both been through a lot. His son was abandoned by his mother and bf raises his alone, and when she remarried she later divorced and his stepfather left. He has serious trust issues and I'm worried if our relationship ends the people it will really hurt are my boy and my boyfriend's son. 

He also made a lot of snide remarks to me and friends about rich people having it made because i still have a paying job and own the house they moved into. 

It's just a lot to process and my brain and heart can't fully take all of this in. I can't believe i'm here again. I must be a complete idiot to be in this situation again.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

joannacroc said:


> eHere I am 7 years post divorce and my boyfriend and his son moved in with me and my son. I had a bad gut feeling about his coldness and unhappiness lately. When I talked to him about it he said he said covid19 and having his mom who has dementia staying with us occasionally for a week is really getting to him. We got a dog recently and because i have been working and studying and home schooling my son, he has been taking care of a lot of the usual stuff at home that we do jointly and has not been able to work since covid. The puppy is a lot of work.
> 
> I checked his texts and found a conversation with a male friend where he talks about how he doesn't know if he can just have one girlfriend. He said he is happy now because he is at least saving money living here. When his friend responded he needed stability and to try and eat that box and "stop banging your girl with your eyes closed lol" i don't know if he is kidding around or if he got that info from my bf. Our sex life has been sparse because he says my son keep crawling into bed and bf is stressed about covid and job finance stuff. My boyfriend responded to his friend "i need a new box." and that's the last I read.
> 
> ...


My bad i just realized it's 5 not 7 years post divorce. We have been together for 3 years.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How long have they been living with you?

It sure sounds as though he is just using you. How old are the two boys and old are you and your bf?

The longer you stay with him, the harder it will be on the boys.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I'm 38 and he's 51. His son is 18 and mine is about to turn 7. They've been living with us for 2 years and together for about 3.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

We were pregnant last year and both really excited but miscarried 10 weeks in.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

It sounds like he is no longer interested in you. I'm sorry. You'd be best to kick him out and end the relationship.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Appears he’s using you. Hopefully you’re not trying to have a child with him. That would be a really big mistake.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Openminded said:


> Appears he’s using you. Hopefully you’re not trying to have a child with him. That would be a really big mistake.


Waiting until this coronavirus thing is over and then hoping he and his son can move out. I'm not interested in having sex with him since he's bored of me. And he has broken a lot of trust so a child is now out of the question. He keeps talking about us going away on vacation this summer and I keep putting it off. I just really don't want to make plans with him because I feel so betrayed and hurt and can't believe he was excited for us to have a child together when he felt this way.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Update: he is noticably snapish and rude today and has started saying I am criticizing him for everything. The thing is, I have been really making an effort to be extra nice and extra supportive because i don't want to end up being in quarantine during a breakup especially for our kids. He said we should go to the grocery store after hitting a Thai place. I agreed. When we got food from the Thai place to the car, he complained that it'd be hard to eat in the car with our dog there. I suggested we go home to eat. Then he just absolutely lost it. He started yelling and swearing about how I only think of myself and want to do what I want to do, and don't care about him, citing my reluctance to make vacation plans. I asked him to stop yelling and not to swear at me (his son was in the car), and asked why he got so upset over me forgetting something. It's weird. He could just have said "we need to go to the grocery store, remember?" but he just went beserk. Is this kind of overreaction or mood swings normal? He then accused ME of having mood swings lately, and criticizing me. I don't tend to anger easily. Do people who are cheating tend to project onto their partner the things they are guilty of? I vaguely remember that from when I was married but not this much. He is just really aggressive and mean this morning, seemingly with no provocation. I'm willing to admit I can be forgetful and maybe that annoyed him? Is he trying to find fault with me so he can feel ok about planning on cheating or something? At this point I'm just riding out the coronavirus quarantine.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

joannacroc said:


> Is he trying to find fault with me so he can feel ok about planning on cheating or something?


Yep. And I wouldn't only be riding out the quarantine. I'd be lining up all my ducks to kick him and his son out of my house after the quarantine is lifted.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Just curious. If you knew you would be getting food and then going to the grocery store, why did you take your dog? Was your son with you?

You might want to consider kicking him out now, lockdown or not. He has no right to swear and yell at you. He'll find out real quick that there aren't that many women raring to take in a 51 year old guy and his 18 year old son. Next time, look for someone closer to your own age.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I agree with everyone.

End this ASAP.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, cheaters project big-time. They’re paranoid their partner will do to them what they’re doing to their partner.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

This not helpful at all...I know this....but....things fall out of my face all the time that I shouldn't say. At this point, he has been pretty disrespectful to you. Sounds like you work, you have a home, you are providing a home for him AND his pretty much adult son. I would have to tell him that while you feel like you could still love him, sex with him has become so boring that you are having to fantasize so often that you just don't see this relationship working any longer. If nothing else, maybe it will jerk him back into some sort of attentiveness until you can get rid of him.


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