# So you're starting to date now...



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Started this thread so not to high jack PIW thread..

So you are starting to date whether you are separated, divorcing, divorced... How long until you introduce your kid(s) to someone you feel is special? 

Personally I am thinking it may depend on the maturity of the child(ren). Like I may introduce him to my adult children but not the elementary children until ______?

Someone on a different thread said 6 months and I think they had younger children.


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## 1dayatatime (Feb 19, 2012)

I think if your dating then you don't need to introduce the kids to them. If it changes into a relationship and commitment then I would say wait a few months. First few months is the honeymoon stage so wait till your through that and know this is longer lasting.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Mamatomany said:


> Started this thread so not to high jack PIW thread..
> 
> So you are starting to date whether you are separated, divorcing, divorced... How long until you introduce your kid(s) to someone you feel is special?
> 
> ...


Yep, I have young children, 6 and 4, but I also have a 21 year old, I still wouldn't introduce any dates to him for maybe not 6 months, but pretty darn close to it. I may tell him I am dating someone, but that's about it. He likes to know where I go. I went out for dinner with a g/f of mine last week and he was a bit too curious about it. I said to him who it was, I think he actually thought I was going on a date.....lol


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Well, I am dating and coming to the end of my divorce. One woman I am seeing has a 12 year old daughter. She has told the daughter about me, but I have suggested that it is too early to introduce me to her. She is a special lady and we enjoy each others company.


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## smith9800 (Mar 7, 2012)

If you are dating someone and is not serious about your relationship then there is no need to introduce and if you are planning to stay with that person for a long time or life time then that person must be aware with your family........


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

My STBX just left me for the OM and we agreed that we would not introduce anyone for a long time. What that long time is... who the heck knows. She has said from day one that no introducing would happen until it was "serious." I took that to mean like a year or something but now I'm realizing she has plans to move in w the OM in a couple of months.

We have yet to have the exact time period discussion but I personally believe it should be 1 year for young children. I didn't know my wife after 6 years of marriage so there is no way that she or I can know someone new enough to introduce them to our kids in just a few months.

My little one's believe whatever we tell them is scripture. If she is still in her honeymoon phase and introduces them, she will be doing some serious damage if her relationship goes south.

1 year I say.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I can't imagine not introducing them for 6 months let alone a year if it was serious. I would need the kids to feel comfortable and if they had kids they'd need to see about getting along etc... 
I thought about this last night and just can't imagine having to think of things like this!!


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> I can't imagine not introducing them for 6 months let alone a year if it was serious. I would need the kids to feel comfortable and if they had kids they'd need to see about getting along etc...
> I thought about this last night and just can't imagine having to think of things like this!!


So are you ready for your X to introduce them to their lover in a few months? I'm speaking of my situation of course though where I know what she thinks is "serious" is hooey.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

sd212 said:


> So are you ready for your X to introduce them to their lover in a few months? I'm speaking of my situation of course though where I know what she thinks is "serious" is hooey.


I thought about that... I suspect I will have primary/full custody (he doesn't spend time w/ them now not even 20 hrs in 7 wks) so he may not even think about introducing them to a woman but who knows I can't predict him anymore!
I really would have to see how well a new man would get a long with kids, is that wrong? I mean once we were exclusive etc... So much more to think about than when I was 15 and dating!!! Yes, I haven't dated anyone other than H since I was 15 (almost 30 yrs)!!


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> I thought about that... I suspect I will have primary/full custody (he doesn't spend time w/ them now not even 20 hrs in 7 wks) so he may not even think about introducing them to a woman but who knows I can't predict him anymore!
> I really would have to see how well a new man would get a long with kids, is that wrong? I mean once we were exclusive etc... So much more to think about than when I was 15 and dating!!! Yes, I haven't dated anyone other than H since I was 15 (almost 30 yrs)!!


I do suppose that with that kind of custody sharing it would be much less of an issue. My STBX and I are doing 50/50 so for them to meet another "father figure" or "mother figure" is terrifying.

As for dating in general, I just had a female who was ready and willing to go full speed ahead with me. She's spot on, I just know that I'm an absolute wreck right now! She would have zero problem introducing me to her kids from day one if I had proceeded w/ anything w/ her and that made me very uncomfortable. I grew up in w/ a single Mom and she never brought a male around so that may have something to do with how I feel. As I got older, I would have loved to have a father figure but that is b/c my father was completely out of the picture. 

I've got alot to learn about this topic but I know 100% that my kids will always know I am their father and nobody will replace me. What I'm sensitive to is their ages. Both under 4. They would not be able to distinguish much at this point.:scratchhead:


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