# Is this narcissistic behavior?



## Tiffany M (Aug 27, 2017)

My husband is constantly accusing me of cheating. I am not. It is at the point now that I never leave my home, except when I am with him. I don’t have friends anymore and have even started talking to my mother a lot less. He hacks into my laptop and my phone and insists he has proof of my infidelity. He even downloads hidden programs that will extract deleted info. I know I don’t do anything he accuses me of. But he does. He is on dating sites and visits them daily. Not too long ago, I walked in on him getting a blow job from some girl he didn’t know. But if I get upset about what he is doing, he turns it around and starts accusing me of doing it. And he doesn’t feel what he is doing is wrong because I did it first. He calls me horrible names daily. Spreads very untrue rumors about me. I keep a log of every guy he accuses me of having sex with and that list is at over 500 names now. He even drives to strangers homes in the middle of the night and takes pictures of their license plates. He also messages these men’s wives and tells them that their husband has been having an affair with me. This is just some of our texts from tonight. 

MODERATOR NOTE: The image was deleted as it broke the TAM policy regarding obscene words.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Probably, yes, but if he is a true narcissist and not just having narcissistic traits. You still should do your best to get out of your current situation because it's wrong on so many levels. Get help urgently


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Tiffany M said:


> My husband is constantly accusing me of cheating. I am not. It is at the point now that I never leave my home, except when I am with him. I don’t have friends anymore and have even started talking to my mother a lot less. He hacks into my laptop and my phone and insists he has proof of my infidelity. He even downloads hidden programs that will extract deleted info. I know I don’t do anything he accuses me of. But he does. He is on dating sites and visits them daily. Not too long ago, I walked in on him getting a blow job from some girl he didn’t know. But if I get upset about what he is doing, he turns it around and starts accusing me of doing it. And he doesn’t feel what he is doing is wrong because I did it first. He calls me horrible names daily. Spreads very untrue rumors about me. I keep a log of every guy he accuses me of having sex with and that list is at over 500 names now. He even drives to strangers homes in the middle of the night and takes pictures of their license plates. He also messages these men’s wives and tells them that their husband has been having an affair with me. This is just some of our texts from tonight.
> View attachment 94754


I don't know if it's narcissistic, but it's definitely weird and toxic. Do you have kids? Could he be cheating, being that he accuses you so much?


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## Tiffany M (Aug 27, 2017)

GC1234 said:


> I don't know if it's narcissistic, but it's definitely weird and toxic. Do you have kids? Could he be cheating, being that he accuses you so much?


We have kids but they are grown up and moved out. And yes he is for sure cheating. I have caught him more than once.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Is this a new behaviour? When did your kids move out? What do they say?


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

This seems like a dangerous situation. You’ve caught him cheating red handed. Why are you there? This is beyond extreme.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

I agree with others.
Even if you were screwing around, his behavior is beyond extreme and you should get out of there. Don't stay with him, go to your relatives or somewhere safe.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Tiffany M said:


> We have kids but they are grown up and moved out. And yes he is for sure cheating. I have caught him more than once.


Oh wow. That's why, he's projecting. Are you financially able to get out?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

No, not so much, _Narcissism_, that sounds more like _Paranoid Schizophrenia_ behavior.

Or, if this is new behavior, maybe he is suffering from a brain tumor.

Get him to a Psych Doctor, or better yet, divorce him.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Tiffany M said:


> We have kids but they are grown up and moved out. And yes he is for sure cheating. I have caught him more than once.


Then why in the world are you still married to him?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Really, is him putting a gun to your head? Does he got you in chains that you can't move?

If this is your life, them what are you doing complaining about it, asking for input if you're wrong or right?

LEAVE him. Take actions. Serve him with divorce papers and get it over with , unless all you want to do is complain about it.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Tiffany M said:


> Not too long ago, I walked in on him getting a blow job from some girl he didn’t know. But if I get upset about what he is doing, he turns it around and starts accusing me of doing it.


I just don't get this. If my wife walked in on me getting a BJ I would be a dead man. Instead you are here wondering if he is a narcissist. It makes no sense. You may be the one that needs help more than him. You know he has cheated multiple times and based on that text interaction he can be a total asshole, yet here you are, still married to him. Do you like the drama he brings into your life?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

He’s a nut job. Why are you with a cheater?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Narcissists have a tendency to project, so he is cheating, which is why he thinks you're cheating. (if I understood what you've posted correctly)

I've dated narcissistic men, and the only way out, is to leave them and go no contact. They're emotionally abusive, and are relentless until they find their next victim to obsess over.

You really should divorce, there's not much to work with, when you have an abusive narcissist for a partner. Sorry you find yourself here.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It's impossible to fathom why you have stayed for so long with such a terrible man. I would have been long gone . 
It doesn't matter what label you want to give him, he is a cheating lying and abusive scumbag.


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

Tiffany M said:


> My husband is constantly accusing me of cheating. I am not. It is at the point now that I never leave my home, except when I am with him. I don’t have friends anymore and have even started talking to my mother a lot less. He hacks into my laptop and my phone and insists he has proof of my infidelity. He even downloads hidden programs that will extract deleted info. I know I don’t do anything he accuses me of. But he does. He is on dating sites and visits them daily. Not too long ago, I walked in on him getting a blow job from some girl he didn’t know. But if I get upset about what he is doing, he turns it around and starts accusing me of doing it. And he doesn’t feel what he is doing is wrong because I did it first. He calls me horrible names daily. Spreads very untrue rumors about me. I keep a log of every guy he accuses me of having sex with and that list is at over 500 names now. He even drives to strangers homes in the middle of the night and takes pictures of their license plates. He also messages these men’s wives and tells them that their husband has been having an affair with me. This is just some of our texts from tonight.
> View attachment 94754


Leave.
Why are you still with him?

Get into therapy and learn how to love and respect yourself.

Chances are you never should have married him, or stayed.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Whether or not he's narcissistic is irrelevant, he's abusive and you're nuts for staying with him.


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## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

You were here a year and a half ago complaining about the same thing. Obviously you didn't take anyone's advice then. You say your children are grown up and moved out. Your daughter was only 15 a year and a half ago. Your story doesn't add up. Not sure what you are looking for here.


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## Tiffany M (Aug 27, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> No, not so much, _Narcissism_, that sounds more like _Paranoid Schizophrenia_ behavior.
> 
> Or, if this is new behavior, maybe he is suffering from a brain tumor.
> 
> Get him to a Psych Doctor, or better yet, divorce him.


If his behavior is being caused by a brain tumor, I most definitely will not leave him. It wouldn’t really be something he was doing on purpose and I could never leave him if he was sick like that. But it isn’t a tumor. I recently found a used drug needle so I am sure he is using meth.


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## Tiffany M (Aug 27, 2017)

Lovingwife71 said:


> You were here a year and a half ago complaining about the same thing. Obviously you didn't take anyone's advice then. You say your children are grown up and moved out. Your daughter was only 15 a year and a half ago. Your story doesn't add up. Not sure what you are looking for here.


My daughter is 17. She moved out. Her and her boyfriend now have an apartment together and are actually doing very well. My son, who is 19, just moved back from out of state and is helping me get the money to leave, someday. He is the one that brings in the income. He changed his direct deposit to a new account that I have no access to. I have all of the divorce paperwork filled out and ready to go, so as soon as I have saved enough money I can go to my mother’s.


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## Tiffany M (Aug 27, 2017)

Rob_1 said:


> Really, is him putting a gun to your head? Does he got you in chains that you can't move?
> 
> If this is your life, them what are you doing complaining about it, asking for input if you're wrong or right?
> 
> LEAVE him. Take actions. Serve him with divorce papers and get it over with , unless all you want to do is complain about it.


Actually, he has put a gun to my head. And it isn’t as simple as just leaving. Obviously I do not want to be treated this way and I don’t want this life. And obviously there are reasons I am still here. Reasons I am desperately working on so I can leave. I am really not asking if I should leave him or not. I know I need to leave. And I want to. But that just isn’t a possibility just yet.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Tiffany M said:


> And it isn’t as simple as just leaving.


There are no doors where you come from?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Tiffany M said:


> If his behavior is being caused by a brain tumor, I most definitely will not leave him. It wouldn’t really be something he was doing on purpose and I could never leave him if he was sick like that. But it isn’t a tumor. I recently found a used drug needle so I am sure he is using meth.


that would more likely be heroin. Either way - leave and stay with your Mom. File for divorce. Ask your Mom to help you with the filing fee. Request a restraining order asap.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Tiffany M said:


> Actually, he has put a gun to my head. And it isn’t as simple as just leaving. Obviously I do not want to be treated this way and I don’t want this life. And obviously there are reasons I am still here. Reasons I am desperately working on so I can leave. I am really not asking if I should leave him or not. I know I need to leave. And I want to. But that just isn’t a possibility just yet.



I just can't believe what I'm reading. A man puts a gun to your head, and you are still there. No wonder why so many women end up dead. Why can't you just go to a police precinct and ask them for help or find a shelter for women where you can stay? That's better than no knowing if tomorrow he will actually blow your head.


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## EastCoastNative (4 mo ago)

It's important that you leave this marriage. For your own health.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If your mum is willing to have you stay with her what money do you need apart from the fare?


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

I highly suggest that you stay somewhere else other than your mom's or other family members.

You are in an abusive relationship.

Don't put your loved ones in danger or harms way, if this husband comes harassing you and her..



I hope this time you really leave and stop making excuses not to.

You could leave right now if you wanted to.


You don't need money to leave.

There's shelters and people who would help you.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

So there are a lot of replies in situations like these where people are yelling leave. 

So most of the time when women are in situations like this, it’s been a lengthy process of wearing you down. Add to this, leaving is the most dangerous time, not while you’re in the thick of it. 

I asked earlier if this was a new behaviour? 

What are your supports? (I also understand most people don’t dare help the women leave, and often take the abuser’s side). 

So if you have friends and family, have any of them at any point tried to also stop you from leaving with some gentle words, you know what I mean. Things like:

Oh he’s a good man, but he just gets angry sometimes. 

Have you tried being more xyz?

A lot of this happens because if you do actually leave, the abuser will become someone else’s problem. So grown kids don’t want to be dealing with him. His parents blame you because they certainly don’t want him moving back home. 

It can be a lonely process, so would you be ok with moving somewhere completely new, where you will have no ties to him or relatives whatsoever? Other than contact with your loved ones who know the truth.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

RebuildingMe said:


> Your daughter is only 17 and shacking up with a boyfriend? You have more things to worry about that your awful marriage. Wait until you become a grandmother in a year.


Maybe not helpful right now?


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## lmucamac (4 mo ago)

So you’ve been matried 20 years, when did this behavior begin? I can’t imagine anyone who would put up with this or expose their children to this. Either he has developed some type of mental illnes, which is what it appears to be, or he is just controlling and abusive.

You need to get him help. You need to get yourself away from him.


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## HappyCornfused (4 mo ago)

I'm just here to say you won't fix him. Period. 
you can't, you won't, even if you try you will fail. Your only choice is to leave. Asap. 
Don't try to be friends, lose his number, block him everywhere, when he loses the control over you he will go bat **** crazy and you'll want to believe it but you cannot. Leave and pretend you don't know him and haven't ever known him.


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