# What the children think of divorce



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Divorce, the kids aren't alright: adults from divorced families speak of effects of parents' split | Mail Online


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Very good article.

It's sad that divorce has become so 'normal'. And even sadder is that so many people refuse to do the work to keep their marriage healthy.


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

I stayed for my kids, my spouse then beat me in front of my youngest daughter while I was holding her. I left to save my kids' lives. If I had left when they were babies and not worked so hard for ten years on something that could not be fixed my kids would have been better off. Remember that when you tell someone to work harder at being healthy, sometimes it is out of their control.


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## LovingHearts (Sep 3, 2012)

Divorce may hurt children. But so can high-conflict marriages. And when you have one spouse that has tried and tried to fix it but another who refuses to put any effort, sometimes you have to do what's right. I don't think seeing my husband loaf around, play on the computer, not get a job, verbally abuse me, and not help with home stuff is any kind of life for them. We have been to MC, but it doesn't work when someone is passive aggressive and doesn't own it. Sometimes you just have to trust that your kids are going to be okay if you're okay.

I'm not divorced yet, mind you. But I am a child of divorce. I don't remember why my parents divorced and at the time, I didn't understand. But as I got older, I knew my father was bipolar and difficult to live with. Parents have to do what they can to protect their children and teach them.


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

I know what you are saying LovingHearts, I oddly was NOT a product of divorce. Divorce does hurt children.

My father is an abusive, who knows the psychiatric dx but extremely cruel and my mother is a narcissist. Due to their own issues they indoctrinated me with marriage is ugly, marriage is never solved by divorce and you must just put up with whatever comes your way.

But, that led me to chose an abuser. Two things oddly saved my life, one I did it for my children and two I believed his "crazy making" that people were out there with a file of evidence on his behavior most of it of course he was framed for etc etc. Alas the file never came through in court nor did a band of conspirators that could help me but I got out!

A year after my divorce, only now do I see how BAD, no how horrible it was and what staying with a man like that would have done to my kids. It caused me my sanity for 7 years and I lost friends because of it.

Either way, my kids suffered but now I hope we can heal together and have a shot at a healthy life. I don't know what you plan to do, my plan for my children was to show them how to break the cycle of abuse. Kids, this is NOT the kind of man you should accept.

Time will tell and I hope you find a healthy path as well.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

2galsmom said:


> I stayed for my kids, my spouse then beat me in front of my youngest daughter while I was holding her. I left to save my kids' lives. If I had left when they were babies and not worked so hard for ten years on something that could not be fixed my kids would have been better off. Remember that when you tell someone to work harder at being healthy, sometimes it is out of their control.


There are times when divorce is the only option. Then you have to work hard to help the children through it.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

My husband and I divorced after 7 years of marriage, we had 2 children. He was the one who filed for divorce (he was having an affair). He did not want anything to do with our kids for 2 years which was very hurtful and hard for my oldest daughter. She would cry, acted out in school. She became sexually promiscuous at an early age, she blamed me and was defiant. My ex fueled the hurt when he came back into our children's lives but telling them lies about me and about our relationship. I feel he did this as a revenge to me for not staying until the affair was over as he had asked me to do.

Today my daughters are 32 and 28, neither has a real father/daughter relationship with their dad, he and I have not spoke in years. They have both went thru a great deal of emotional struggles due to the divorce and what their father has done/ the way he chose to live his life. My younger daughter has told me that I was luck to get out and that I would have never had a good life with her dad. He cheated on his second wife as well and all this played out in front of our children.

By leaving I had a life I would not have had otherwise. I did love my husband but he was a true sex addict and I was not willing to share him with the world. Had I stayed there would have been severe resentment to deal with and I am not sure it would have been any healthier for our children.


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