# I think it is time we split the bills!



## tryingtobegood (Aug 22, 2014)

So for many years now i have had a budget for our family expenses and i have tried hard to follow it. We have a good family income and yet sometimes i feel weighed down with debt. So at the beginning of 2014 i started a debt reduction budget.

My lovely wife whom i love very much, has ALWAYS had a hard time keeping to my budget and never accounting for spent money. There has always been something she spent and "forgot" to tell me about or secretly got credit cards and tried to "fix" her mess and ended up finally telling me about them because she was over her head.

It happened again today and i have had it! I don't feel like it is my responsibility to clean up her messes all the time, i want to eliminate our debt and have a really good income. So i have decided to let her pay for the things we agreed on (car, travel trailer) but also let her take care of her credit cards.

I will let her know she will no longer have access to our joint bank account(she has already kind of agreed this is a good thing) and she needs to get her own. What do you guys think? Any advice? I really don't believe her "im sorry" anymore.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

If she's that bad with a budget, what makes you think she will actually pay her bills ON TIME?

Late payments will affect your credit too, no matter whose name is on the account since you're married. Personally I would make her give me the money and then pay the bills myself out of the joint account. Don't let her sink your budget AND your credit.

And subscribe to a service like Lifelock that will alert you if she tries to open any new credit in your name or hers. It will get blocked unless you authorize it; no more spending sprees for her with "secret" credit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tryingtobegood (Aug 22, 2014)

*happy as a clam;10533794]If she's that bad with a budget, what makes you think she will actually pay her bills ON TIME?*


This is what i am afraid of, but i really have to do something different. We have had so many heart to heart discussions and it has been only limited improvement very limited.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

She shouldn't have a credit card, especially without you knowing about it. You should sit down with her lay out a budget and she should have cash for the things she needs to buy for the month. When she runs out of cash then no more spending until next month. You would probably do well on the Dave Ramsey plan to pay off debt, I have my doubts your wife would be on board.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

tryingtobegood said:


> So for many years now i have had a budget for our family expenses and i have tried hard to follow it. We have a good family income and yet sometimes i feel weighed down with debt. So at the beginning of 2014 i started a debt reduction budget.
> 
> My lovely wife whom i love very much, has ALWAYS had a hard time keeping to my budget and never accounting for spent money. There has always been something she spent and "forgot" to tell me about or secretly got credit cards and tried to "fix" her mess and ended up finally telling me about them because she was over her head.
> 
> ...


AAAAAhhhhh. this brings back memories. You need to take charge of this immediately! Unfortunately, and im sure she doesn't see it this way, but she is disrespecting you. If she cant handle the credit cards, block them until they are paid off. Get her a debit card of her own. Only put enough money into the account that she needs. This really helped for me. She will complain alot, but in time the lesson will be learned. Hopefully. If not. no more money. I learned the hard way. I allowed my wife to spend me into oblivion. Three times!. Im divorcing her now. Not only because of the financial stuff, but cheating also. I think the two go hand in hand for some people. Not enough money to spend?=unhappiness=affair(s)


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## tryingtobegood (Aug 22, 2014)

The one good thing is the cards she has are in her name. So far i have been paying them from her money. But now i will very lovingly say that her choices will no longer affect me. And of course i will help her with ideas and the best way to pay these down.


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## Justus3 (Oct 18, 2014)

tryingtobegood said:


> But now i will very lovingly say that her choices will no longer affect me. And of course i will help her with ideas and the best way to pay these down.


Good way to handle it.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

My wife was poor with spending because talking about our dire financial problems stressed her out because it tested her safety and security...so she wanted to take an "ignorance is bliss" approach and still run up the cards. It was very frustrating to the point that I was ready for a divorce.

It basically took me getting a plan set up and then selling her on the plan...until she was actually seeing the same vision and getting the same values. It was scary for her, but once we got an emergency fund in place it helped. It also helped for her to see things visually. Mytotalmoneymakeover site has a snowball calculator (a debt reducing system) that graphs out all of your debts...showing how long it will take to be debt free...and seeing how the timeline changed when we paid a debt off early really motivated her to get on board and cut the cards.

Here is a Dave Ramsey article:


> One of the most common questions Dave receives about money is, “How do I get my spouse on board with the money?” If you’re having this problem, then you’re not alone. It’s a situation that a lot of husbands and wives face.
> 
> To answer this question, let’s start by pointing out one thing that you should not do. Never nag and whine to your spouse about his or her lack of participation. For example, don’t bring up the fact that “Dave says we have to do this, or Dave says we have to do that.” Beating them up with another person’s advice will only cause them to be defensive.
> 
> ...


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

You can't protect from the consequences of her actions no matter how hard you try. She has to take the neccessary steps to fix these issues, and maybe that begins with having seperate accounts.Just make sure you both communicate well throughout this process. Don't allow anything, even frustration, to keep you from being honest and forward about these financial issues. I hope all goes well for you.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

This same thing happened to me to. My wife's spending became such a problem early in our marriage that it nearly bankrupted us. She kept on "forgetting" what she spent money on and it got to the point I didn't know what our bank balence was and checks I sent to pay bills were bouncing. I killed our joint account and told her if she wanted to do any spending, she had to get a job. It pissed her off but I told her if she wanted to be a stay at home mom sacrifices had to be made, and she wasn't making any. At that time I made very little money and was not in a position just my income would be anywhere near enough. I very much believe the single income family is a thing of the past.

I definitely suggest that you get separate accounts. She'll probably be pissed about it but it's the only logical thing to do.


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## Doorman (Mar 4, 2015)

tryingtobegood said:


> The one good thing is the cards she has are in her name. So far i have been paying them from her money. But now i will very lovingly say that her choices will no longer affect me. And of course i will help her with ideas and the best way to pay these down.


The fact that they are in her name is cold comfort, as the big picture still is your overall portfolio.

Have you tried rationally talking about goals, and plans also, rather than just budgets. Where do you want to be at 55? Ask her to think hard. Do you want to be slugging it out until Medicare kicks in?

Appeal to her soft underbelly. Does she want you to work so hard paying bills you leave her a widow to soon?


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## CincyBluesFan (Feb 27, 2015)

Ah c'mon. You love her. You're crazy about her. Don't sweat the small stuff. When you're 90 you won't give a sh*t how much she spent on whatever but you will be happy she's sitting by your side holding your hand.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Good luck with that.


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