# Fine line has to be drawn...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The HD/LD sex issues are getting out of hand, it's been going on for YEARS now and everytime we think we've fixed it, it keeps coming up. In the past it used to be worse, but it's very difficult to find a compromise.

We keep going back and forth in this, when I had my way (once a day or every other day), it's a lot more fun (in my opinion), we flirt, we tease, we romance, and sex in the end is all the more worthwhile. But when I'm being too nice or affectionate, the frequency builds up to around 2 to 3x a day (what my wife prefers). Then I have a hard time trying to re-enforce my boundaries again - making my wife feel rejected and making me feel like less of a man everytime.

We're going in circles hurting each other and it has to stop. Or is this normal?


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## MarriedMojo (Aug 19, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> The HD/LD sex issues are getting out of hand, it's been going on for YEARS now and everytime we think we've fixed it, it keeps coming up. In the past it used to be worse, but it's very difficult to find a compromise.
> 
> We keep going back and forth in this, when I had my way (once a day or every other day), it's a lot more fun (in my opinion), we flirt, we tease, we romance, and sex in the end is all the more worthwhile. But when I'm being too nice or affectionate, the frequency builds up to around 2 to 3x a day (what my wife prefers). Then I have a hard time trying to re-enforce my boundaries again - making my wife feel rejected and making me feel like less of a man everytime.
> 
> We're going in circles hurting each other and it has to stop. Or is this normal?


Not trying to be mean here but you are in a situation most guys dream of. If I were in this situation I would try more non-intercourse related things. You guys could try more toys or manual stimulation. I say this knowing that if my wife had that kind of drive, and we had the time to work it out 3-4x a day it would happen some way or another.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

It's normal to have a difference in drives. Just discuss it, be open and honest about the reasons each of you wants the frequency you prefer. 

I saw a thread from 2010 where a wife went out and had a one-night stand just because her husband was too tired, and they had sex less than 12 hours prior. 

Not saying that will happen here, but you need to know why she wants it that much, just in case.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I told you like a year ago that both of you need some in-depth counselling. If you ask me, your wife is using sex to fix some unknown issue. And you'll never be able to meet that need until it comes to light. You two will keep going round and round in the boxing ring until someone gives up. 

Just my $0.02... I'm not a shrink, and don't know either of you, obviously. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

MarriedMojo said:


> Not trying to be mean here but you are in a situation most guys dream of. If I were in this situation I would try more non-intercourse related things. You guys could try more toys or manual stimulation. I say this knowing that if my wife had that kind of drive, and we had the time to work it out 3-4x a day it would happen some way or another.


I'm not sure most guys would dream of that. I mean, sure for a few weeks or maybe even months multiple times a day would be great. But year after year? With the same woman 3 times a day? Is that even physically possible?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm not sure most guys would dream of that. I mean, sure for a few weeks or maybe even months multiple times a day would be great. But year after year? With the same woman 3 times a day? Is that even physically possible?


as a young man this would have been exciting but I agree most men probably couldn't handle such a sexuall woman.

but I'd give it my best try.

LOL

viagra mught help!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

In high school 25 years ago I had a girlfriend. We somehow ended up alone at my house for an entire day. Don't remember where my parents were, but I do remember that we did it 11 times in one day. I was shooting blanks by the end. After that, I had absolutely no urge for sex for about a week. I was 16. It was a great marathon session at the time...but by the end there was, how can I put this delicately, a bit less "friction".


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

I'm same way on the boundaries thing. I like to play, tease, have fun in between sexual episodes. Too much sex even in my prime with the same woman gets old after a while - like most sexual routines that can get boring.

Talking openly about it is about the only way to fix the issues. Get your feelings on the table, come to some common ground, and see what happens.

Enjoying the build up throughout the day or two is the best part and makes the sex much more explosive.

and yea cialis/viagra are great additions into sex life.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I know that for an observer it would seem like a dream come true, and at times yes, it's complete and utter bliss. But it gets old -> FAST. If we can fit in more teases/flirts/romance within the few hours in between each session then sure, but at this rate; it's routine duty sex. I feel nothing at all, and I have difficulty getting off when I'm not even properly turned on, and then I feel like sh-t and inadequate.

No matter how many tuna cans I grab for that protein rush it only helps me keep the ballsac factories working, but doesn't do anything for the hormones that need to be triggered. And to trigger it, I want what ironically women in general want more than man; romance and intimacy.

And my wife won't tell me why she wants it so much, she just keeps insisting that she just loves it and wants it as often as possible. I had to do my homework and try to analyse everything to find the reasons that she wouldn't tell me. None of them have been conclusive however. I once thought that it was insecurity driving her but it's not.
Her past sexual history which is rather extravagant also does prove that her sex drive has existed even before she met me. 

You guys are right, we need to be more open about this, but I can't get her to talk to me, and if this continues - with her in denial that it's a problem, I still have to think of a way to convince her to go to counselling - which is hard when she thinks nothing is wrong - just me -.-


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

Ummm wheres the LD here? It seems more like HD and Higher D.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah it's more like HD and PD (Psycho Drive)
But for technical purposes, I'm LD

This is what I always found curious, I've always been natural with flirtations and teases, it's like my sexual energy expresses itself in a different way. For my wife though, it's simply pure sexual energy. Isn't it meant to be the other way around?! Bah!

It kinda ruins everything when I have to keep telling her what to do too, doesn't she pay any attention? She MUST know because she seems to know EXACTLY what to do to turn me on when she really wants to. Like the other morning, I was in for a pleasant surprise.

But for her it's like it's a 'chore', and then when I don't get the intimacy/romance/tease that TRIGGERS me, I feel like sex is a chore, and then we're both not happy. Why can't she simply realise all this has to stop and agree to counselling? I would definitely go with her, I already do IC and she seems convinced that I'm the one who needs it.

*sigh*

Same sh-t, different day, it's like it never changes


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm not sure most guys would dream of that. I mean, sure for a few weeks or maybe even months multiple times a day would be great. But year after year? With the same woman 3 times a day? Is that even physically possible?


yep...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Paulination said:


> Ummm wheres the LD here? It seems more like HD and Higher D.


I like the term ID

Insane Drive.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Why can't she simply realise all this has to stop and agree to counselling? I would definitely go with her, I already do IC and she seems convinced that I'm the one who needs it.


My take is that there is something that she really doesn't want to come up to the surface. 

With the desire to inflict abuse on you in the past, the hyper sexuality and the resistance to therapy, I'm thinking there is something there.


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## MarriedMojo (Aug 19, 2012)

It could be hypersexuality. I was very recently diagnosed as such. Bipolar runs in my family, but I was told that while I am not bipolar I am hypersexual. It has it's pluses and minuses. Sometimes it is frustrating when all you can think about is when you are going to have sex next. For me it can be as soon as right after my wife and I finish. I thought for a long time that every guy was like me. It is an endless cycle of "rational thought", "sex", "rational thought", "sex", etc...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

How can I convince my wife that this is not normal and we need to work it out and that she has to go to counselling? Are there better ways to deal with her excuses? She also tends to start playing the 'wounded dove' act as soon as things hit closer to home.

And I suspect there's something there too but she insists there isn't. I don't know what to do, I'm at a dead end here


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

My ex got into this mode towards the end of our marriage. After she announced to me she "wasn't happy" and we were "working on the marriage" she became hypersexual. She wanted it hard and fast for hours at a time night after night. It might have been OK if only I didn't have to work for a living and could sleep all day. It was exciting in the beginning but going till 3 or 4 in the morning and getting up at around 6 or 7 to go to work got to be exhausting.

I'm not sure what triggered that. I too tried to do some research and it seems to me there are some who feel it's a manifestation of some form of depression.


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

Wow, what a problem to have..... Omg my wife wants it too much. Please, stfu and suck it up! I hear so many guys complain about not getting enough (this guy posting/myself) sex and you're saying a line has to be drawn. Man up. 

I say that to say this. I had an ex that I really enjoyed for about three months who was highly sexual just like your wife. Mind you, this woman was 19 and I was 23. It was probably one of the best relationships Ive been, or in the top 5. She was sexy too.... Anyway. It was awesome for about the first couple of weeks. I probably could have kept up if I wasnt working 70+ hours a week. Had a regular 9-5 and a part time after that plus working 16 hours on the weekends. I mean it was glorious. Morning sex, quickie for lunch, get off first job sex, after work sex, middle of the night sex. Initially I did everything I could to keep up but I am the type of person I dont perform well in LIFE if I dont get enough sleep at night. My body was just drained and so was my private area. She was the second woman to put me in my place sexually, thats why I love hispanic women though my wife isnt hispanic (really should have thought twice about that). I dont know what your schedule is but if I were you, I'd keep running and never look back. Maybe you need to work out more, drink more water, take a multi vitamin, I dont know but don't give up. I know when times got tough I told her that I was drained and my body couldnt take much more. I had to start avoiding her because it was too much and Im never one to turn down a sex session of any form. Dont turn it down because once you do, you will be kicking yourself later. Just find another alternative if you can't do penetration. You have your hands and mouth. If you arent efficient in those areas I suggest you get it. You will save a ton of time if you master her body. Good luck~


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

RD,
There is an emotional and chemical rush we women get from sex, the love drug. 

I can see where you don't want to tell her she's not normal.....
But it's not normal to hyper bond that much, it's no different than drinking to hide your pain and emotions.

Pull the crutch out from under her. Gently.
Try some shared writing exercises.
Since you are "struggling" with this issue, both of you write down how you feel about intimacy. In detail. How does it make you feel physically, emotionally, etc. Make it a habit to write it down right afterwards. Try it for a week. She might SEE what she's getting out of it. And she must be. Let her decide if it's normal or not.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@MaritimeGuy

Aye, all the reason she needs counselling it seems. She gets defensive however, and so far I've dropped this for the sake of peace in the household. The strange thing is, she became like this since marriage. Yet based on her history, it's like she was hypersexual in her youth, went to church and seems to have been normalised when she got converted (that's when I met her, and before marriage when we were gf/bf we never had this problem even though we did make love quite often), then we got married and the demands started coming. Nowadays she's more cunning to get her way instead of using repeated demands however.

@Needguidance

Oh mate I've tried, hell the gods know I've tried. And I don't feel good when I can't perform - I know I should be thankful that I don't have a sexless marriage but at the same time it's just too much! And this isn't a 3 month thing, it's been a problem for years since marriage. Its a sex marathon each time and its getting old and tiring. I keep myself as fit and healthy as I can, but her expectations can be quite demanding. I wrote this on another thread, what she expects from me each session:



> Also, my wife is only satisfied after:
> - Full service, oral, intercourse, and the O (Sometimes she won't let me go until she has multiple Os too)
> - I ejaculate, she won't let me go unless I do (BIG problem when I'm not even in the mood and it's duty sex)
> - After-sex cuddling/affection/talking
> ...


The better mood I'm in the faster she gets satisfied but it's difficult to even be in the mood when she wants it this much.

@Deejov

Yes, it seems to be a sex addiction just like I had an alcohol addiction. So writing everything down you say? Like an after-sex report on intimacy? Hmmm, I'll see if I can get the missus onto it... now just have to think of how to word it lest she reckons I'm trying to worm my way out of sex again.


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