# It's always in the back of my mind that one day H could find out about my A



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

*I found a forum that is now read only that asked the following questions: 
*
_Hi, It's always in the back of my mind that one day H could find out about my A. Has anyone thought how they would be effected if they got caught? Would it be the end of your marriage? Would you leave your OM to save your marriage or divorce H? Would H forgive and forget ? – 
_

*The answers are pretty much what we already know but it’s extremely interesting (at least for me) to see it stated by a WS.*

#1 *********************************
I've had a few close calls in my past. I never admited anything ("just friends"), denied 100%, and my H always believed me. Though there were never any physical evidence – no weird texts, e-mails or anything, just "somebody who saw me with some guy" and one time it was so bizare I still can't believe I had my H fooled . So my primary concern is to leave no physical evidence. I delete every text and e-mail. But I don't lie of my "friendships". 

My H knows I have some male-friends and hang out sometimes also with my male co-workers (always plural .So if I get seen in public, it seems quite innocent. For me it's acctualy much harder to keep it secret at work (we are co-workers) than at home. Because co-workers see us together and somebody who would pay a close attention to us and have good intuition could probably see the sparks between us, as the body language is very hard to control. So I'd only admit to my H if he had some pictures of us having sex or kissing or something like that. Otherwise never. If I did, I'd try to minimize (just few times, no emotions etc.) and I wouldn't want a divorce. I wouldn't leave my OM as well, I'd just be extra careful.

#2 ******************************

My marriage would be over. There would be no forgiveness in my H part. My MM would leave me instantly for fear of losing his W. He will never leave her and most likely if she found out about the affair, she would stay with him. They have a much closer relationship with each other than my H and myself. My MM does anything for his W. I'm surprised he doesn't spoon feed her !!! gag !!!! So yes, I have thought about it. I stand to lose everything. 

#3 *******************************

A D- day for me would be the end of my marriage as well. There would be nothing I could say or do to make it okay in my H's mind. There would be NO forgiveness for this one from him… So with that being said. I will continue to cross every T and dot every I.. And other than my own mama and you guys.. It's going to my GRAVE


#4 ************************************

My assumption has always been if he found out it would be over. But I never included the shades of gray of discovery. OM had a d day of sorts where his W found some messages, he has been able to convince her nothing happened it was an on line only thing, and we continue more cautiously. Does she really believe him NO but she doesn't want to change her circumstances so she is hovering and babysitting him. My H has had several indications of my A. He has caught me texting, then hiding the phone, found a note book were I wrote about how much I hated H and wanted a D, and also a few lines about my A, I've been very mean to him and no longer want sex with him. Lost weight, look better then ever! Basically every sign of an affair has been given to him. 

He has questioned me directly and I responded I hate sex why would I have sex with someone else when I don't like it with you?! Does he fully believe me probably not, but admitting to himself there is something going on with his wife would force him to most likely end the marriage. If my H ever decides to hire an investigator or his wife happens by the office when I am visiting these are situations which cannot be denied and would probably result in ugly divorces for both of us. Our affair is like an addiction, we cannot get enough of each other and despite knowing it is dangerous and risky we continue Until you actually walk in those shoes it is difficult to determine what your reaction will be. 

#5***************************************

I have no clue what would happen. He has thought I cheated in the past – before I ever had, before we were even married – and he still married me. But if faced with actual proof, I don't really think he would forgive me. And, quite frankly, I wouldn't want him to. I am not cheating for the thrill of it, or for "extra" sex. I cheat because I'm wholly unsatisfied in my marriage. The last thing I would want is to stay in it without my outlet. My affair keeps me sane

#6****************************

A d-day for me would be catastrophic…no lie. End of marriage? Without a doubt. Family brawl? More than likely. Multiple people hating me for years to come? Oh, yeah. That is why I try to be VERY careful. 

#7****************************************

I don't know what would happen to be honest. H would be devastated since his father had a mistress for over 30yrs and everyone was well aware of it except his mom. H and his whole family have deep emotional scars from that. Initially I thought our M would be over and I thought I would be ok with it but now I am not sure. H can't do anything without me and doesn't have a clue about the functions of our household. I think it would depend on how sorry I was and tried to make it up to him. 

#8****************************************

My H has already told me that he would forgive me if i had an affair. I worry about what my children would think, say, do. I think my youngest daughter would have a very hard time forgiving me for betraying her father. They are very close. 

#9****************************************
Well I had a D day of sorts this weekend, I was able to talk my way out of it somewhat but my H is on super alert now. I think he knows but is in denial because he doesn’t want things to change, he is quite happy in our marriage as he has everything he wants. He has gone through this with a cheating spouse in his first marriage so I hope that full disclosure or actual physical proof never surfaces because it will absolutely devastate him and he will not able to deny it to himself anymore and then that would be the end of my marriage, and I’m sure he would not let it end gracefully. It would be something that he would make sure everyone found out about, something he would remind me of on a daily basis and something that he would never ever let go of. 

#10*******************************************

I think my M would survive. H needs me. His first wife cheated their entire marriage and he knew but didn't know, you know? H's bro and Dad both had A's and married their APs. He wouldn't want that to happen. Plus we are both too old and need each other and have a little one. We would stay together for him. 

#11*************************

Please allow me to share a reality of getting caught, not a what if. I too thought my marriage would end. It has not, yet. My H said he felt like he could forgive me in the first week after he found out. I never once ever saw him cry in our 12 years of marriage. I was the lowest I have ever felt when he cried on the couch. I couldn’t get him to stop and couldn't take it so I left. Sure, the romance left a long time ago, but he still was my best friend and he was always counted on. 

To see him like that made me cry too. I wanted to run away but had nowhere to go. It was like that time I watch titanic watch Leonardo DiCaprio slip away into the sea but that feeling I had in the movie was one that last for weeks and weeks. Now, he is not the same man. If you reconcile, your spouse will want to know every detail. Things like, was he bigger, did it feel good, where, how often, why, and on and on. These questions are asked repeatedly over and over. None of my answers are good enough because no way I can tell him all. It’s not easy. I was forced to leave my job because of my affair was with a man who's wife also owned the business. My man’s wife wasn’t going to have it and he was not going to split that business. He turned on me and was an *******. 

I took a $20,000 reduction in pay with my new job because I was so scared my husband was going to leave. It didn’t take long for the word to get out. About everyone knows now. Being embarrassed all the time is not so good. I feel alone because our friends seemed never to know what to say to me. They are always friendly but most seem to avoided me. They don’t invite me out anymore. I do have some new friends though. My daughter didn’t talk to me for 3 weeks. She then started to act out. My daughter said she hated me. My mom said she was disappointed in me and thought I was a better woman. That was like a knife in my gut. She thinks the world of my husband and I often feels she slights me. I just don’t feel I get the attention I once got. It hurts me. The shame and guilt of what I did is still with me. Twice, I just laid in my shower balled up in a panic. My husband still cries in front of me. I cry too because I hate myself for hurting my family. I don’t feel so good right now. I never thought I would ever be depressed like this. I am and cannot seem to pull myself out. 

#12***********************************

If I were to get caught I know it would destroy my H. I'm not sure what would happen to our M. As far as my family goes, they would support me. I know they wouldn't be pleased with my actions though. What I fear is my H's family. I literally have the Mother-in-law from hell. She already dislikes me and has caused numerous problems throughout my entire R with my H. My H is a loving and forgiving person. He's not the grudge holding type. I know his mother would do anything to destroy me (including telling my stepdaughters) if she found out. 

#13****************************************

This is so weird for me. Reading all these posts of devastation, family break-ups, etc. I can fully understand but my experience was SO hugely different. My H found out about my month-long affair (I was on vacation alone as he was "working" ) soon as he joined me. He cried once, then wanted me to comfort him! He has never cried again or expressed sorrow over my A. He never even asked me to apologize. I think its 'cause I took the offensive and turned it around on him…"if you'd been here it wouldn't have happened…" So I never did apologize, good thing, as I'm not sorry. For all I knew, our M was over as he wouldn't come on vacation!! And, H NEVER wanted to know any details of the A either…we never did or do talk about it, until OM1 died, then H was very supportive! He is afraid of jeopardizing our M so has been more affectionate than ever. I have been more distant! And I have told a couple close friends, who totally support me and are not judgemental at all. Doesn't seem to be a big deal to anyone, really. I'm so sorry others here have had such horrible, life-rending experiences. I can totally see how it could tear a M and family apart

#14**************************************
I honestly beleive your husband had that reaction because he was in an affair himself. I told my husband to go out and have one so he can get even. He says he won't do it. I wish he had cheated on me but says no. I still get asked the same questions over and over. I'm sick of my life. I quit my job because I was so bad at it because the drug for my depression sucks. I need to change it. I over heard my mother talking to my husband and I feel so betrayed by my own mother. She dosen't know what to say to me. It's like, I woke up from this dream and now real life slapped me in my face. It's now been months and I cannot seem to get out of my shame. 

#15************************************

I would assume my marriage would be over. And unless I was going straight into the arms of my OM, it wouldn't be so good as I am mostly dependent on H. I don't work except for little temporary jobs here and there, but I don't bring in enough to support myself. So it would be an absolute disaster. If my M ever ended, I would much rather my A remain unknown simply because of how I would look to my family (parents, siblings, etc.). 

#16***************************************

I have been a "kept woman" (not in a Princess way, more in the traditional "stay at home mom" kind of way). I am a freelance performing artist, and I doubt that I could get enough full-time work to support myself in the lifestyle that I am accustomed to. So I am scared "****-less" about getting caught. My OM does not seem emotionally vested in his relationship with his SO, he says he's only with her for their children's sake. If we got caught and she kicked him out, he can move on, be financially independent and hopefully work things out with the children. So it doesn't see like he has as much to lose. 

He's very comfortable and secure about the risk he is taking with me. But for me, I would lose EVERYTHING. I'd be out on the streets. I don't have my own checking account, savings account- anything…Everything is joint. My H trusts me, loves me and plans to take care of me til our dying day. <GUILT> Not to mention the possibility of losing my children and the shame of it all… So my question is: Do you…Have you…Is it okay to…When do you… have the conversation with your OM about "Will you catch me if "we fall" – or get caught?" I am only 3 months into my EMR and its an affair of the heart- living in the moment kind of thing and I don't want to scare him. But its a reality that we should both consider. Should I have this discussion with him? 

#17**************************

I assure you, that for most of you who haven't yet been caught (and frankly most of you will), you really don't know how you will react. I certainly thought I would react one way, but in the face of reality, I had the opposite reaction. You really can't know until you're there. Until you face the unbelievable pain in the face of your spouse and maybe your kids. Until you think of the financial, logistical, familial, professional and social ramifications of it all. it was like a wake up call for me. I was no longer in the fog. Frankly, I'm glad I got caught. I feel happier and less stressed now, even though rebuilding my marriage has not been easy. 

#18****************************************

I have thought about things in the event that my M falls apart…if I actually did go straight to OM, it would be obvious to everyone that we were having an A all along. But like you, H trusts me (as far as I know) and as much as things are hot/cold, sometimes H is so nice that I would feel terrible if he found out. On the other hand, I am completely into OM and he's treated me better in 3 months of knowing each other than H has in 4 years of marriage that I would be willing to take that risk of losing my marriage if he and I could be together and go public with our R. I've had so many different mind frames throughout my EMA…there have actually been times when I didn't care about getting caught. But I don't know exactly where OM stands on that issue of us being "official" and exclusive. 

#19**************************************

I wear the pants in my family and H is a kept man due to his health. Maybe that makes me bolder. I thought about ending my M a few times over the last two years. I honestly don't know what I want now. H loves me very much but he is ill and I'm no longer attracted to him. I'm more nursemaid than wife. I like being in an A and having a real man who desires me and cares for me and makes me feel like a woman. I don't want to hurt H, but I can't be a wife to him anymore. If he found out, he would stay out of his need for me--I think. The one person I wouldn't ever want to find out is my son. 

#20***********************************

My marriage would be over, my h would try to take everything he can be very vengeful and my ap and my families are very close friends, it would be a huge mess. His wife thinks I'm one of her best friends. That being said we intend to leave them first then eventually end up together but everyone wool know we have a oat history, I want to just tell them the truth now its ap who wants to do it this way. 

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST THE ULITAMATE QUICK THINKING WW*******************************

This week I had MM over for an overnight while my H was away. I diligently cleaned everything up, and apparently TOO diligent. My H came home today from his trip while I was at work. I was paranoid all day that I had forgotten something and was thinking about how next time I need to literally make a list of what I changed around the house to accommodate MM so I would remember all the details. I took care of the obvious things in the guest bedroom like sheets and bedding, and some of the smaller details like leaving a towel out for him, and putting up the glasses, but I missed one crucial thing. 

I walked in the door from work. H was sitting on the couch and I knew something was up although he didn't seem too bothered so I ignored it. We hugged because we hadn't seen each other all week long and have had limited contact. I wasn't feeling very affectionate towards him which was a mistake on my end. I just couldn't get myself up to be excited to see him, but I put on my best face. We are talking about changing and getting ready to go to dinner before we met up with friends. All of a sudden he turns to me and says, "Say…did you have anyone over? The house is VERY clean." I was taken aback but I took it in stride and said, "yeah, I straightened up myself," but I was clearly nervous. 

We had gotten the house professionally cleaned for a get together a few days before he left so I was very surprised he noticed it was even cleaner. He's not the most observant person so the very fact he even offhandedly brought it up tipped me off that he knew something was up. We walk more into the kitchen and I'm trying to figure out how to change the subject when he says, "did you make coffee (I never make coffee while he's gone), there are still grounds in the pot." I then proceed to stumble my way through a ****ty explanation. He was not buying it at all and started stiffening up. I just reached out to him and said I was sorry and started crying. 

He told me I was freaking him out and I was speechless. I tried to concoct this story that was utter nonsense and was patently false. He saw right through it and said, "your narrative is not making sense…I am not dropping this. You need to tell me what is going on." I was dying inside and vocally paralyzed. I didn't know what to do! When it came down to it, I couldn't give up MM! Instead, I offered up something about myself that was utterly grueling and painful. 

He knows I take a sleep aid every once in awhile. Sometimes this sleep aid makes me very weird and disinhibited. I'll mindlessly eat, drink alcohol, cook, be hypersexual, etc. So I told him I had taken a great deal of the sleeping pills while he was gone, and pretty much told him I had an binge where I ate all the food (this is actually true on one night!), drank alcohol, and got messed up beyond belief. My guilt was pouring out and the tears were nonstop. So now my H thinks I'm addicted to my sleeping pills but is relieved that I'm not sleeping around on him. My god. The level of deception is out of control. I've informed MM through my secret email and we will talk through other means. I've cleared off my phone and computer and will be much more careful from now on. Geez, I never thought he would notice!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your link is broken.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I did a search and found the site. But I guess I'd have to join in order to read it.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Graywolf2 said:


> I found a forum that is now read only that asked the following questions:
> 
> 
> Here is the link.
> ...


  *************? I'd like to by a vowel.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

When I read her words I thought, "It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission".


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

HarryDoyle said:


> *************? I'd like to by a vowel.


Try "O".....

Some sick sh!t on that site, debates on whether to bang in the marital bed, talking on the phone to the BS while getting sexual favors, etc. Apparently, it's read only because the owner shut it down after he grew a conscious. I guess there's help for humanity yet.

http://************/why-this-site-will-no-longer-be-a-safe-haven-for-cheaters

This site blocks the address so I guess we're not allowed to say the site name but you can google it easily enough.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Your link is broken.


Not broken, TAM is configured to obscure the web address of the doctor.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Try "O".....
> 
> Some sick sh!t on that site, debates on whether to bang in the marital bed, talking on the phone to the BS while getting sexual favors, etc. Apparently, it's read online because the owner shut it down after he grew a conscious. I guess there's help for humanity yet.
> 
> ...


bit.ly is your friend...

If you got caught? | Inside Affairs

Why This Site Will No Longer Be A Safe Haven For Cheaters | Inside Affairs

ETA: I sincerely hope that every single one of these morally vacuous pieces of sh*t were caught and exposed.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You can find the site by googling "D-Day - Dealing With The Experience Of Getting Caught"


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

I couldn't get the link to work so I posted it


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Looks like a lizard parade.

I could probably summon more sympathy for piranhas with herpes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## May1968 (Dec 16, 2014)

I found it but wished I hadn't. All the people that expressed concern for a cheating spouse pretty much made me sick. Especially where they cheered the person on if the affair seemed to continue inspite of betrayed spouse becoming aware of the red flags. In fact they display a sense of how dare the BS even try to brake up the "true" romance they had.

On the brighter side, the ite seems to have closed down a few years ago.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I hope that the one WW's post warning them that, despite their smugness, most of them would probably be caught as she had been, made some of these disgusting cheaters squirm a little.

Hopefully every last one of them, and the scummy POSOM's they were fooling around with, were caught out and everyone in their lives now knows what they are.

Really p*ssed me off to see the number of WW's who were so da*n worried that their kids not find out what disgusting POS's they were......but the thought of how such knowledge would crush their own kids wasn't enough for them to stop being Wh*res.

Revolting women.....remind me so much of both of my grandmothers, who I despise.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

The odd thing is that the creator of the site closed it down after receiving hate mail and also he does not believe in infidelity - he only did it because he knew there was a market for it and he made some money on it. He has now made it into a read only site while he decides what to do with it. 

I would find the identities of all the subscribers and make it my life's work to expose each and every wayward on that site to their other halves! Now that would be rewarding.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Reading that just made me feel really sick.

and I found this quote:

"You have been badly hurt and I am sorry. You are, however, wrong. If you do review the relevant literature *children actually fair better in a home where there is abuse rather than divorce.* To break apart your child’s home is far more selfish than having an affair will ever be."


:frown2:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

And I pose the question again: why would any young man graduating college ever want to marry? The risk is too high. This stuff is sickening, but we have to accept that there are a large number of men and women in our world who are simply incapable of remorse or empathy. This truly is a socipathic culture. 

And we need to hear the posts from the wayward men on that site. I imagine it is even more sickening.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

staarz21 said:


> Reading that just made me feel really sick.
> 
> and I found this quote:
> 
> ...


I grew up in abuse and any situation without abuse is 100% better.

Definitely an idiot and probably a cheater!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> ETA: I sincerely hope that every single one of these morally vacuous pieces of sh*t were caught and exposed.


Yeah, no kidding. I didn't go to the site but just what was copied into this thread - one woman writing in her diary how much she hates her H? So divorce him already - why are you staying with him and cheating if you hate him when you could both be free of each other. Hello *****?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

WorkingWife said:


> Yeah, no kidding. I didn't go to the site but just what was copied into this thread - one woman writing in her diary how much she hates her H? So divorce him already - why are you staying with him and cheating if you hate him when you could both be free of each other. Hello *****?


$$$


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## May1968 (Dec 16, 2014)

After thinking about it, one of the most distasteful things I took from the site was the total lack of empathy for the betrayed spouse. Instead the common theme was how dare the BS try to break up the "true love" between the two cheaters.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There was one couple of wayward numpties who, because they felt guilty for cheating on their spouses, were having sessions with a counsellor as a couple, mark you, to help them get over their feelings of guilt.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Dyokemm said:


> Really p*ssed me off to see the number of WW's who were so da*n worried that their kids not find out what disgusting POS's they were......but the thought of how such knowledge would crush their own kids.


Exactly the fog of the affair. After I caught my wife in EPA with college BF (30 years past) she wanted to R. A few days in I said no more write a NC letter. Etched into mind...

*Hey,
Can't do this now
Afraid I will lose my kids forever
Sorry I messed things up
Please forgive me
Bye*

See the point. All her, no mention of me, the kids... worst NC letter of all time? She said... *I didn't want to seem mean.* Ughhhh!


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

There are some gems there:
_
Stay strong. My married man recently had a dday. After a long silence we talked once. I won't take him back after that convo. He told me too many lies. He said he loved me better than his wife, enjoyed spending time with me more. But on dday he chose her.

I am still in shock. How could he lie to me so convincingly?
_

Boo freaking who...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> There are some gems there:
> _
> Stay strong. My married man recently had a dday. After a long silence we talked once. I won't take him back after that convo. He told me too many lies. He said he loved me better than his wife, enjoyed spending time with me more. But on dday he chose her.
> 
> ...


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> There are some gems there:
> _
> Stay strong. My married man recently had a dday. After a long silence we talked once. I won't take him back after that convo. He told me too many lies. He said he loved me better than his wife, enjoyed spending time with me more. But on dday he chose her.
> 
> ...


The irony of those words, "MY married man".... my MARRIED man. It's hilarious that the guy has a WIFE but the cheater really feels like he's hers. Twisted but I almost get it after experiencing it first hand with my delusional exwife.

She told me she was going to breakup with OM who she was in a relationship with... I said to her, "but you're MARRIED to me and you think you're in a relationship with him? Like he's your boyfriend? Do you know how stupid that sounds?!?"

The deer in headlights look I got was priceless. The compartmentalization aspect BLOWS my mind. I think to be that morally bankrupt, the engine might be running but there's no one behind the wheel.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Graywolf why are you spending time on that sh!thole site?

Seriously, we all need to just stay off sites like that. They pollute the soul. We know there are sad, fvcked up people like this out there, but we don't need to fester our wounds dipping into that evil. 

Graywolf stop going there. All it's going to do is twist you up into knots. Who needs that crap?


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"I think to be that morally bankrupt, the engine might be running but there's no one behind the wheel."

Yep...there must be something about extramarital sex that lowers the IQ....it's like they were hit in the head....HARD.


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## abart (Aug 5, 2014)

Reading that just made me feel really sick & angry.
I really do hope that every single one of them gets caught.
every single one of them are F**king A**holes.


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## abart (Aug 5, 2014)

RWB said:


> Exactly the fog of the affair. After I caught my wife in EPA with college BF (30 years past) she wanted to R. A few days in I said no more write a NC letter. Etched into mind...
> 
> *Hey,
> Can't do this now
> ...


You still with her?


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Yep. Near 6 years post DD1.

Got a lot worse before better. The affair I caught her in was just the _"tip of the iceberg"._ Serially cheating for years.

A truth that most BS eventually come to grips with... *When it comes to Cheating and the Truth, there is always more.*

BTW, In regard to the Thread Question? She never was going to be caught... Yeah, Right.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Somebody forgot to tell these "ladies" (I'm obviously using the term extremely loosely) the old saying "what they do with you, they can do to you". I guess they have to learn it the hard way, don't they?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

A couple of TAM members visited that site and opined on a few things shortly before Doc Kule shut it down.  



> I decided then that I was going to try and change the scope of the site to make it more inclusive and to *include the voices of those that were not in the pro-affair camp*. I thought that by pitching a big tent that the there could be some great dialogue and debate and everyone on all sides of the equation could learn something.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

The OW whose MM chose to squat in his ruined marriage over true love illustrates the opportunistic and practical nature of human desire. Once the illicit sexual relationship is going to cost money and lead to a change in lifestyle, habits and comfort, many will balk. When the social consequences are thrown in – angry children, friends, colleagues and relatives – the affair becomes too costly.

Marriage is sucky deal because the contract cannot be enforced. The other day, I was reading an opinion piece in a Swedish paper in which a woman columnist complained that in her social network a large number of middle-aged women friends and acquaintances had been divorced because their husbands wanted to replace them by younger women. She was morally outraged by the betrayal. In other words the "superficial" male attraction to fertility was reprehensible. But men are cheated on by women as they reach the end of their reproductive life.

Marriage was once the leveller of instinctual lust but who sees it as a convincing guarantee? It is leap of optimism. Who wants marriage more, men or women? Why?


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

LongWalk said:


> Marriage is sucky deal because the contract cannot be enforced. The other day, I was reading an opinion piece in a Swedish paper in which a woman columnist complained that in her social network a large number of middle-aged women friends and acquaintances had been divorced because their husbands wanted to replace them by younger women. She was morally outraged by the betrayal. In other words the "superficial" male attraction to fertility was reprehensible. But men are cheated on by women as they reach the end of their reproductive life.


I was cheated on and dumped (and left to wander around in my pyjamas) by the Ex (at the end of her reproductive cycle) who felt she had to find herself and establish her own identity by fcking around with a married man.

My interest is in people in the post children stage of life. I haven't bothered to look at stats from young people. 
If you are cheated in when young and no kids just dump them and move on. Women especially since if they want kids they have a fairly short window to find someone who is not an ass.

******* have done some research from a vast quantity of search data they have on hand on what people _actually_ search for and the people they contact and ultimately who they pair up with. 

Despite what we say in our profiles (and out loud) Our search patterns and pairings indicate that: 


Women see status and money as attractive and this will influence how attractive a man is to her. 

A man without fail will grab the youngest hottest female he can realistically get regardless of social status.

This confirms the article and the bias noticed. Yes men do leave for younger women and women do leave for a better life. 

A woman who leaves a man for another man after a certain age find it very hard to re-partner with a person the age of their previous life partner or of the same social status.

Women who are dumped and re-enter the dating scene are much more likely to find a partner closer to their own age. Their perceived value is higher and trust is not so much an issue for men.

Older men re-partner faster and with a younger woman even if they were a cheating scumbag Although in my anecdotal experience this may reduce him to_ playmate _rather than _partner_

I am in a 12 month relationship and going strong with a woman 10 years my junior. Go me


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

I think you have captured the essence of it – biologically driven once you strip away the sentimental frosting.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

This reminds me of how even the most secret affairs can be discovered.
Before I was appointed to the Board of Governors, a few years ago I was plant manager of the Chicago plant. One day the husband of our HR dept leader. came to my office and told me his wife was having an affair with the manager of the St.Louis plant, and he had witnesses to prove it. Before I talked to his wife, or anybody else, I told him to bring his witnesses to my office so I could get the whole story . Turned out that they were seen by one of the teenage daughters of a worker at the St Louis plant, she told her dad, who contacted his team leader, who contacted the husband of the HR woman... who followed them to a hotel halfway between Chicago and St Louis. which is where they always met. Neither the HR woman nor the plant manager knew the teenage girl, but she recognized her dad's boss from the company picnic, and knew that the woman he was with was not his wife. See how easy it is to get caught? When I confronted her, she was flabbergasted that she was caught by somebody she didn't even know existed. It isn't about who you know....it is about who knows you.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

This makes me sick, to think my H talked to his w*ore about how it would destroy me if I ever found out. Then come home walked past me & text with her the rest of the day about how he couldn't wait to be with her again. How can you Love somebody & do that to them?!? I would really like to know..


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

" This makes me sick, to think my H talked to his w*ore about how it would destroy me if I ever found out. Then come home walked past me & text with her the rest of the day about how he couldn't wait to be with her again. How can you Love somebody & do that to them?!? I would really like to know.."

Devastated and lost,

Because they really are that worthless as human beings.

Regardless of other positive attributes (intelligence, hard working, etc) they are defined by their utter selfishness.

They are simply despicable.


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## nightmare01 (Oct 3, 2014)

Many know their affair will destroy us and they do it anyway. What does that tell us about how they truly feel about us?
Many believe their affair if discovered will destroy the marriage. What does that tell us about the value they place on the marriage?


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Look, we all know skankdom is all the rage right now. If everytime you saw "Kardashian", "Jenner", "Diddy", "Kanye", "housewives", et bletch you just threw up, you'd feel better.

Skank sells, skank is easy, so skank it is.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Forest said:


> Look, we all know skankdom is all the rage right now. If everytime you saw "Kardashian", "Jenner", "Diddy", "Kanye", "housewives", et bletch you just threw up, you'd feel better.
> 
> Skank sells, skank is easy, so skank it is.


I'm not buying....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Forest said:


> Look, we all know skankdom is all the rage right now. If everytime you saw "Kardashian", "Jenner", "Diddy", "Kanye", "housewives", et bletch you just threw up, you'd feel better.
> 
> Skank sells, skank is easy, so skank it is.


I don't agree. "Skank" only sells to the pea brains. Anybody older than 12 can easily see it for what it is.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

Rookie4 said:


> I don't agree. "Skank" only sells to the pea brains. Anybody older than 12 can easily see it for what it is.


I agree, but we got a lot of pea brains in this country


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