# Desperation Is Setting In



## freakymac (Aug 3, 2009)

My wife and I have been married for a little over 7 years. My wife started back to school in March and I am now a stay at home dad. We have never had sex a lot, but now we rarely have it. My wife told me that she has pain in her kidney area about a month ago. She tells me that it has been going on for awhile now. "Hmmm...thanks for letting me know", is what I thought. She, also, recently told me that she just can't have an orgasm anymore. "Okay. Now what?"
She is unable to go to the doctor because she has no insurance. She says she will get things checked out when she starts working(which won't be until Jan. or Feb. 2010).

I don't know what to do. I haven't ever cheated and really don't want to. We have talked many...many times about our sexual life/affection and it gets better for a bit and then goes back to the way it was. Her starting school has just made things worse. I am very happy that she is in school. At the beginning of our relationship, she told me that she would be the one that worked because I have panic disorder and depression and receive SSI.

I'm beside myself. I do flirt online, but have had no sexual relationship outside of my marriage. What am I supposed to do?


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

There are sex problems that are understandable to be frustrated about....low interest, resentment, marital strife, financial pressures, children interference.

Those are situations where you are well within your rights to ask for your partner to work with you...find a middle ground.

But...right now.

I'd say what you are supposed to do is focus on getting your wife medical treatment. She needs to be seen.

I see you are on SSI? So you aren't working either?

What about your wife's school? Do they offer any insurance coverage for students? Have you checked her qualification for Medicaid?

I say...first...get her healthy. Stand by her and support her through the illness. After she is better, then address the sex issue again. But to make a big deal out of it when she is in pain shows an alarming lack of empathy. Get her through this....then think about the sex.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

DownButNotOut said:


> But to make a big deal out of it when she is in pain shows an alarming lack of empathy.


:iagree: My thoughts exactly. 

I am also in a sex starved marriage, and am usually empathetic in these situations, but your post struck me as extremely self absorbed.


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## freakymac (Aug 3, 2009)

I didn't mean to sound like I wasn't empathetic with my wife. I'm just trying to figure out how to handle my desires. I want to help my wife, but there isn't anything I can do because we don't have the money to get her the tests she needs. She doesn't qualify for Medicaid and the school doesn't offer anything either. 

I am on SSI and she is going to school. She will be finished in January and will have a job shortly after, I assume. I want to help her...I really do, but it's really out of my hands.

I guess I got off to a bad start here.


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