# Bruising?



## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Could use a little help identifying a bruise that looks a lot like a handprint to me. IMO it's obvious but of course the other side doesn't see it at all and says I'm nuts... I'm new here and don't want to post too much but if anyone has experience with this feel free to PM me and I can provide more info. Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If it is a bruise in the shape of a hand it was a hand.

I assume it was in an interesting location.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Yessir
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have a picture of it?


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Yes picture please, so we can opine


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What other red flags do you have?


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

the guy said:


> What other red flags do you have?


I would say a whole city of them:lol:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

More backstory please. Ages, length of relationship, number of kids, occupations, blah blah blah.....


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Couple kids. Married 13 together 18. Gut feeling has been strong for a few years. Brushes everything off as me being paranoid. Caught her bringing a dude home from the bar when we were dating. Forgave her but deep down knew it wasn't the first time. I do have a cropped photo but don't feel appropriate posting it publicly and don't want to share with too many folks even though there's nothing to see but the bruise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Where on her anatomy? We're not squeamish. Tell us.


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Commonly referred to as the 'behind'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

When did the bruise appear?

Has your wife been behaving strangely? Hiding her phone....staying gone for hours at a time...staying late at work a lot...going out with her girlfriends more than what would be considered appropriate...starting arguments with you for no reason...taking extra care of how she looks...wearing underclothes you've never seen before...neglecting the kids...neglecting you...?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Redflagcity said:


> Commonly referred to as the 'behind'
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is it just on one cheek? Is there no bruise on the other one?


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Both. A hand is much clearer on one but the other has oval shaped bruises
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Even if you showed it to all of us, you would most likely get conflicting answer. 

My suggestion is that if you think it's a bruise and you think she is cheating, then get some evidence that is irrefutable.


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Yes and no. Not spending time out at night but I know that there are some days at work where she has left early and not stated as much. Sort of on the clothes and appearance. I've definitely felt there might be some extra attention in this area but have tried to keep a level head.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Redflagcity said:


> Both. A hand is much clearer on one but the other has oval shaped bruises
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Could they be yours? Have you been gripping the saddle too hard?


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

I know it's a tough one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

She stayed still long enough to get a picture of her backside? Please tell me she dropped trou and said "see told you it was nothing now go ask your buddies on tam"

Something is off


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Appears to be in a on top of standing position which we rarely ever do nowadays (ahhh marriage...)

Because of that though I'm sure they're not mine if indeed that's what it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Google image handprint bruise does it look like any of them thats the best I can do Dr. Baden dont hang around tam 

Look up the var info under the standard evidence post


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Thanks for the tip. I would like to get the opinion of someone who analyzes bruises as well. I know they do this for child abuse and domestic violence.

I know what it is though...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

Sorry you are here and really hope it is nothing. I will tell you that your gut instinct is right 99.99 % of the time. 

My suggestion to you is to go 007 on her and gather as much information as possible. Try to pretend everything is normal (I know it's hard), but whatever you do, DO NOT confront before you have proof.

Even when you have proof there will be denial.

Good luck.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Start gathering evidence. Read the Standard Evidence thread. Buy a VAR and Velcro it under the front seat of her car. Swipe her cell phone when she's not looking and dig up her texts. Invade her privacy. Do what you need to do, but be discreet and low profile about it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

And stop asking about the bruising her lover left on her @ss!

As far as she is concerned you are over it and please do not bring it up again until you get the smoking gun.

If you want an effective confrontation you will listen to us.....or you can continue to listen to the same crap your old lady is serving you .........for how long now?


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

Redflagcity said:


> Both. A hand is much clearer on one but the other has oval shaped bruises
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry. It sounds like you have other suspicions and there is a reason you have them. I bruise REALLY easily, but can honestly say that I have never been bruised on the butt unless I was getting it on with my husband. So I will tell you what I did when I thought my first husband was cheating on me. I got the cell phone records and looked at the history. I noticed hours and hours of conversations happening with a particular number so I called. I would start there, but do not voice your concern at this time. Otherwise she will just get better and better about lying. I know how you are feeling right now and it's incredibly painful. I'm so sorry. But if you have your suspicion...you need to trust yourself.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Right now she will cool it for a bit...but she will continue.

The sooner she thinks you are off her sent, the sooner she will start back at it and you can get that smoking gun that will have a more effect then the crap you just dealt with.

Note to newbie....never confront until you have the smoking gun.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Don't confront unless you clear it with us first. You do not have the evidence gathered yet. All you have is suspicion, and that is not enough. 

Stay in control and don't lose your temper. The only way anything positive can come out of this is if you keep a level head.


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> Start gathering evidence. Read the Standard Evidence thread. Buy a VAR and Velcro it under the front seat of her car. Swipe her cell phone when she's not looking and dig up her texts. Invade her privacy. Do what you need to do, but be discreet and low profile about it.


Wait...what? You can actually do stuff like that?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Remember you know she is cheating the guest is to find out who and confront with the ammo that will nuke the affair and blow out any denial she could possibly offer.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Katiemelanie said:


> Wait...what? You can actually do stuff like that?


Ya, its done all the time....when ever you apply for credit or go get a loan....it seems folks don't like getting ripped off so they spy on us and see what they are actually dealing with.

Same thing with infidelity....one has to know what they are dealing with but in infidelity it's a matter of getting ripped off and stopping it!


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Thanks for the input everyone. Hate knowing that I'm probably right and at worst totally justified to have concern and get berated as paranoid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Just stick with us. We may not help you save your marriage, but we can help you maintain your self respect and support you if things get bad. There is a lot of combined experience on TAM and we can at least help you keep the playing field level with your wife...but you have to listen to us and keep an open mind.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Redflagcity said:


> Could use a little help identifying a bruise that looks a lot like a handprint to me. IMO it's obvious but of course the other side doesn't see it at all and says I'm nuts... I'm new here and don't want to post too much but if anyone has experience with this feel free to PM me and I can provide more info. Thanks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mystery bruises can be a sign of illness. This might need to be checked out, just in case.

Also get checked out for STDs/HIV.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> If it is a bruise in the shape of a hand it was a hand.
> 
> I assume it was in an interesting location.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I’m a medical examiner and this is the answer. The more detail (fingers, etc.) you can see the more likely it’s a hand print. Is it the right size? In the morgue I just put my own gloved hand over it and see how closely it fits.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

When you consider the pressure, force, etc required to produce such a bruise, plus the location -- its pretty tough to imagine it getting there accidentally, or in some innocent way.

There's lots of info on the color stages the bruise will go thru and the amount of time it takes to do that. Off the top of my head I don't remember much....If you saw it, say, two days ago and it was purple or red, it was likely fresh. A day old, maybe. 

Walk that back to what was going on, where she'd been.

The Changing Colors of Bruises and What They Mean, Causes, Tests, Diagnosis & Treatment

http://www.etopical.com/stages-of-bruising-colors-chart-healing-pictures/


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

How in the world did you get a photo of it?


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

You know i have dated a few women that liked things a little rough and I have never left a hand print on a bum. No matter how hard I smacked it. Either she marks very easy or she got spanked by the Hulk.


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

Your experience is not that unusual.

Read this that was posted to a now-closed forum for cheaters:
*
"So, H and I were fooling around last night and he wanted to take me from behind (big surprise because he usually just does missionary). I flip over and he touches my ass and asks "How did you get this bruise?" It's a good thing he couldn't see my face because I turned 6 shades of red and managed to say something about the dog knocking me into the wall.

I took a good look this morning and I've got a handprint shaped bruise on one cheek. Yikes! So glad we didn't have any lights on, just the tv. I will have to talk to OM about being more careful next time too. Thankfully H knows how clumsy I am and how overly excited our 2 yr old german shepherd mix gets… so the story is completely believable. I'm still very freaked out about it though.

On a complete side note: H actually initiated sex AND wanted a different position. Amazing!

~passionatemom"*

Another one:

*"I bruise easily. After intense sessions, I always end up with tell-tale symmetrical bruises. On my back, on my arms, on my legs, or on my breasts. I swim with a group, so in a bathing suit, it is hard to hide. Lately, I have been sporting giant symmetrical bruises on my upper thighs. I have no idea how this happened -- okay, I have some idea, but the specifics are a blur. Is it completely obvious what these are? Any suggestions for how to handle it, or do I simply have to deal with the fact that everyone in that pool knows I am a total rough sex sl*t? 

Daphne"*

Many years ago my WW came back from a week-long conference and had two sets of five round bruises. One set on the front of each thigh... nothing happened, however. 



Or so she said!


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Saw it before she knew it was there and she played it off as coming from a lawn chair. Interesting thing is though I sat in that chair and the bar hits mid leg.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

If it looks like a hand...IT WAS.

I was at Lake Havasu years ago with some friends and one of my buddies, as a joke (yeah we were all feeling pretty good at the time), slapped another one of my friends on the back pretty hard.

Left a mark that lasted for almost the entire weekend.....and it was OBVIOUSLY from a hand....someone even snapped a cell phone pic of it as we laughed about it....I still have it with all the other pics from that weekend that a friend sent to us all.

There simply is no mistaking what caused it.

It's like a hickey...try as much as you want...there is simply no way to explain such a clear mark away as a 'lawn chair' or some other ridiculous explanation.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So are you getting the tools you need to get to the bottom of this?

I figure by the time you get the GPS, the VAR and the pen cams she will think you are no longer suspicious and things have cooled off enough to start screwing a round again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Redflagcity said:


> Saw it before she knew it was there and she played it off as coming from a lawn chair. Interesting thing is though I sat in that chair and the bar hits mid leg.


How did you get the picture? Did she pose for you to get it?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Redflagcity emailed the photo to me.

It's incredibly dark and almost impossible to see. I opened it in PaintShop Pro to see if I could make it clearer. It did get a bit clearer. At least a bit lighter.

It could be a hand. But if it's a hand, it's a pretty small hand. What appears to be the hand-like bruise is redish. But there is also a lot of red in the skin tone.

I'm not convinced.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> How did you get the picture? Did she pose for you to get it?


I asked too, this is all I got


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So it might be a handprint or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

There is alot more accurate ways to sniff out cheaters than doing CSI forensics on blurry butt bruises.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Ele. You did the increase brightness then contrast method?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

You got a preview before marriage, but still married her. Now years later you know she has, and is cheating.
I stated that to ask, what is so special about this woman that you just close your eyes and pretend ?


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

OldWolf57 said:


> You got a preview before marriage, but still married her. Now years later you know she has, and is cheating.
> I stated that to ask, what is so special about this woman that you just close your eyes and pretend ?


Spot on, the bruising is not the issue, but a symptom. You need to attack the disease. People better than me need more info to help you. You could elaborate more on the disease than focus on the bruise. The bruise is a distraction at this point. 

Cheers,
V(13)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*u*



weightlifter said:


> Ele. You did the increase brightness then contrast method?


Yes I did.


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Thanks everyone. Sorry I haven't responded that much in my own thread. Kids etc. make it so that I would need concrete proof. Maybe I'm wrong - I guess I just need to be more in tune with what's going on and be vigilant when I see red flags again but also keep my mouth shut. Obviously there would never be a contrite confession and it's helpful to realize it. The bruise is odd but not concrete for sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Redflagcity said:


> Thanks everyone. Sorry I haven't responded that much in my own thread. Kids etc. make it so that I would need concrete proof. Maybe I'm wrong - I guess I just need to be more in tune with what's going on and be vigilant when I see red flags again but also keep my mouth shut. Obviously there would never be a contrite confession and it's helpful to realize it. The bruise is odd but not concrete for sure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But how did you get the photo??? Inquiring minds want to know!


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

I believe there was another 'bruising' thread maybe three, four years ago. Hopefully someone will remember it? Looking for similarities.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

May not be concrete, but put with your other concerns, the picture get a LOT clearer. 
Are you gonna keep on pretending is the question.


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

I'm not going to knee jerk but my eyes are open now and I'm going to let her think I'm clueless for a while. The bruise is far from a smoking gun but there are aspects of it which raise an eyebrow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

She didn't know it was there. I quietly got a pic while I was pretending to try and give a massage and then said something. This was a while ago and while I thought it was odd it didn't register in my head but then I stumbled across the photo a week or so ago and saw something I'd never noticed before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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