# Didn't think R would be so hard :( HELP!



## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

Husband has been back a week (he was only gone a week...) and the first few days were great, but we are slipping back into our old ways. It is so hard to trust him and he is starting to make me feel like I can't...
BLA

We are both trying to forget the hurt and move forward, but it is easier said then done. My brain is trying to forget, but my heart is taking a slower time catching up. I guess you just feel like it shouldn't be so hard to make a marriage work and be good, but it does...

Does anyone have an stories or encouragement they can offer with R?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Are you in therapy? personal is best right now.

You got back into the old patterns because NOTHING CHANGED. Missing you and/or his comfortable life is NOT reason to reconcile.

Good luck.


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## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

I am begining to see that..yes, I am in personal therapy...when he came home he said he loves me so much, wanted to be with me forever, and is has slowly faded...I am not doing this again, he is either giving 100% or not. I am actually Pissed...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. Why did he leave again? If you let him call the shots, you'll feel this way. Talk to him, but take control. Personally, I let my husband move home too early and it had been 3 months. Oh well, hindsight and all...

Talk to him, tell him what you're feeling...see what he does.

Let the slack go and SEE what happens. If he picks it up then good. If not, then...well...decisions are to be made.


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## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

He was unhappy..we had gone thru 7 months of hello trying to fix us. He couldn't let go of built up resentment, ect we agreed to seperate and see how we felt. During that week obese sad, but went out with friends and kept myself happy and busy. He didn't..he was so depressed, ect. He asked to come home. Said he missed me and the boys and got that "feeling" he was looking for..now it seems ten days later he can't find thY feeling (he never said that, but that's what it feels like) I am trying to keep communication open, but it is hard. I have told him how I feel and what I want and he says he hears me, but never follows thru. I am beyond frustrated....he says he really wants to try and make it work, but doesnt take action. I need to sleep on it because I am so emotional right now, Nyquil wont put up with this...maybe he needs to leave again for a while...I won't let him treat me badly...


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## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

Bump


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Hi,
Sounds like he doesn't want to put the effort in at all and that's not acceptable. 
Have you told him specifically what he needs to do?
Does he know what you want?
If I was you I would implement the 180 strategy for a few weeks and see how you get on.
Take a step back and give him some space to see if be steps up to the mark, then decide if its worth it or not.

How did you feel when he wasn't there?
Maybe he just can't make the changes required and going your separate ways will be the best option, but try everything first.
I also recommend reading The Divorce Remedy. A lot of good advice there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tinkerbell24 (Sep 20, 2012)

We've been reconciled 4 months now and it still has it's tough moments. I have moments of "what have I done" but I know that it's going to take time for things to work, we have to grow together as a couple again and I understand that. There has been hurt on both sides and it just isn't going to go away overnight. A willingness to change on both sides is absolutely necessary though.


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