# When did you combine finances?



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I've been dating my girlfriend for 19 months. She has no children, I have two children from a previous marriage. 

We've talked about marriage, combining finances. She's worried that when we combine our finances all our money will go to the children (on top of what I have to pay in child support monthly). 

At what point did people combine their finances? Are their arguments to be made about being married and having separate checking accounts?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

We combined our money as soon as we got married. But we were young and no children or past wives, etc.

I don't think it would be wise to ever combine your money in your situation. 

Maybe set up a joint account that you both contribute to, to pay household expenses, but keep the rest separate.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening proudwidaddy
My (future) wife and I combined finances when we moved in together before being married - but we both assumed we would be (and were) married soon afterwards.

We did keep our long term assets separate, but combined incomes and bills.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You also need to talk about long term finances, including college, estates, exceptional expenses for your kids like weddings, etc. 

Do you and your gf envision having kids together?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JEMS_01234 (Jul 29, 2014)

These are all good points, especially the discussions about marriage, having more kids, paying for children's schooling, paying for children in general, etc.

My husband and I only merged our finances when we bought a house together. We were engaged at the time. We both also kept our personal accounts, but transfer approximately 70% of our individual paychecks to the joint account, which we use for joint items only -- mainly the mortgage, household bills, groceries and restaurants we go to together, etc... We also have a joint savings account, which we use to save for shared items like vacations, future kid costs, a new car which we will need in a couple years time...

I wouldn't rush into sharing bank accounts, it is really something you have to sit down and work out ALL the details for, especially regarding the children, and if there is anyone else who is financially responsible for them (or who you may pay child support to).


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

We combined the day after we married. No regrets.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Dh mentioned it the first week we were dating, right after telling me about how he wanted us to breastfeed and homeschool our kids. I remember thinking, We have to save _something_ for marriage! 

I had about 2k at the time, and he had 10k. And _I _was the one who wanted to wait to merge money. 

I was finally ready 9 mos later, 3 mos. before we got married. I decided it was safe.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

From day one of dating. Not the usual course to take but what works for one might not work for another.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I looked up the topic "bended families finances" on amazon and found two books that cover at least part of it.


http://www.amazon.com/Estate-Planni...r=8-1-spell&keywords=bended+families+finances

Estate Planning for the Blended Family: L. Paul, Jr. Hood, Emily Bouchard: 9781770401037: Amazon.com: Books

If I were you I'd read a lot on the topic and then talk to a financial planner. You want to protect your existing children as they can lose out big time if you are not smart about this.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> I've been dating my girlfriend for 19 months. She has no children, I have two children from a previous marriage.
> 
> We've talked about marriage, combining finances. She's worried that when we combine our finances all our money will go to the children (on top of what I have to pay in child support monthly).
> 
> At what point did people combine their finances? Are their arguments to be made about being married and having separate checking accounts?


The argument for separate accounts is mainly symbolic only but that's fine. My wife and I have two accounts. We determined who pays what based on incomes. But......both accounts are joint so nothing is actually hidden from either of us. It started out as habit I suppose. Nothing wrong with either way if it works.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Post divorce and in a new relationship is VERY different to first time around, no kids and building your wealth together from a similar base.

Blending families is a very difficult thing to do with great success, the biggest cause of second divorces is issues around children. IMHO it is prudent to do a lot of thinking and talking about all aspects of blending families, finances, responsibilities etc.

In my personal situation we are both post long term marriages, 5 kids between us, no kids together. Both have wealth to protect and our own children to protect.
We keep our pre relationship finances and wealth separate but are building something of our own together so we can share a financial future together.
In my case I come from a big money family and inheritance to blood family is the norm. Everything I have to date has been willed to my children, same with him everything he has is to go to his kids.

Tread carefully, it is not a clear cut situation. For us a Binding Financial Agreement was a must have, we agreed very early on and have had many mature, calm discussions about the topic.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

We are married 3 years, together 5, separate accounts and likely will always keep it that way. There is only one grey area scenario - if we have kids and I stay home for a while not sure how I can pay half of the bills if not working.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

We've been married 13 years and maintain separate accounts. We make almost the same money (I make slightly more) and we each have certain bills we pay, and it's a lot easier to keep track of things this way. He is far better with money than I am too, so if I overspend I'm not doing it with money he had earmarked for something else.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening feeling-lonely
Keeping accounts separate is fine, but I have seen one very unfortunate failure mode. For a couple I know, one got very lucky/ successful and made a TON of money in a short time. They then felt that since they had made as much money as the other would in a lifetime, they no longer had to work. So now one of them works a full time job, the other simply relaxes / is on permanent vacation. 

It was what they agreed to , and is in some economic sense "fair", but it doesn't "feel" fair to the one who has to keep working to pay the bills. 



Feeling-Lonely said:


> We are married 3 years, together 5, separate accounts and likely will always keep it that way. There is only one grey area scenario - if we have kids and I stay home for a while not sure how I can pay half of the bills if not working.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

From day one of our marriage. It has always been our money from the beginning. Now all our major liquidity and non-liquidity assets are held in a revocable Trust.


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## thatdude (Oct 19, 2010)

We lived in different states when we met and she ended up moving to be with me. She didn't have a local bank account and started basically signing checks over to me. A year later we were married and everything has been joint since day one. Fast forward 20 years and even with a far from perfect marriage, our finances are still 100% joint. 

And thats after going from $45k (15k + me 30k) to $100k (50k + 50k) to $200k+ (80+k + me 120+k) to $0 (both laid off in the same year) to back to nearly $200k (me alone). We've had mostly ups, but that $0 was an extreme down and throughout it, I have never consider splitting anything.

BTW, as a data point, my parents, still together, have always had combined/joint finances and accounts. This is likely one of the reasons I think that way is "normal."


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Financial planning in your situation can be complex, OP, given that you have kids and she does not.

If you marry, and do not have a prenup, or at least wills, then if you die first your wife will get everything and can shut out your kids if she wants. This includes pensions, IRA's, property, etc. Keep any premarital assets you want to be exclusive in separate accounts and never use those assets for joint purchases, for example.

As for day to day and routine financial issues, separate accounts are a good idea, and add a joint savings/checking account for mutual goals and expenses. You can each contribute to that account however you agree, but often it's proportional to what each earns, perhaps adjusted for particular circumstances.


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

I have been with my bank for 43 years, when we got married my bank refused to give use a joint account. Do you think they where trying to tell me something.


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## optimalprimus (Feb 4, 2015)

my wife and I didn't formally share accounts until we got a mortgage, but in practical terms we have shared finances since we started living together. it is very different with prior children involved, although I personally can't imagine not sharing all current income and outgoings with a life partner (prior wealth is different)


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

We combined before we were even married and I don't regret it. Everything is joint.

The only thing is that I would eventually like us to have separate "discretionary" accounts, because my wife has a slight tendency to overspend on discretionary stuff, but at the same time I really don't like the role of playing policeman over it. I would rather she had a fixed amount of money every month where it was totally up to her whether she wanted to blow it on a handbag or not.


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

You really need to do what works best for the both of you. My wife and I have seperate accounts, but full access to each one. We have a budget which determined who's money goes where and how much is saved. We also agreed that if changes need to be made, we would discuss them immediately. Talk to your future spouse about this and make sure you are financially compatible before saying, "I do." Money is the last thing you should be arguing about within a healthy marriage.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I like the idea of having joint checking for shared expenses, joint savings for shared goals and emergencies, and also separate checking / savings for personal, discretionary spending. I don't want either of us to feel like we need to police the others' day to day spending decisions. 

How much you contribute to each of these: for joint checking it seems fair that you each contribute a percentage based on your income. If your incomes are 60/40, you pay 60/40 for fixed expenses like rent. 

The sticking point for me in my last marriage was discretionary spending that was kind of for both of us. He wanted to spend our discretionary funds on family trips to go back East and see his family every other year and he was okay with putting all the trips on a credit card. I wanted a new couch and various other household things and I didn't want to take trips out East unless we had cash to do it. The trips back East included everyone. Everyone would use a new couch. But we couldn't agree on how to divvy up the discretionary funds to meet everyone's wants.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> I
> At what point did people combine their finances? Are their arguments to be made about being married and having separate checking accounts?


Immediately after marriage.

I had her added to my accounts and she began depositing in those accounts.


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