# Wife is staying for children -- don't know how to feel



## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

I posted before (see here for a bizarre story).

The night after my wife returned from her business trip, we were supposed to go out with some close friends to dinner and a movie, our treat, to thank them for helping us so much with watching our kids. They cancelled on us, saying the wife didn't feel well -- I'm pretty sure they didn't want to be with us since they know of our marriage problems. I told my wife let's go anyway. We did, had a nice dinner and saw the move Zero Dark Thirty.

That night we had our first relationship discussion since my wife returned. A few weeks ago for the first time, she told me "I love you but I don't love you." Well now she told me she fell out of love with me a long time ago -- it seems each conversation pushes the time when she stopped loving me further and further back in history. Now she says, "you are my best friend." In our discussion she was trying to get my permission for her to leave and we can stay friends, and she could come and go to see the kids whenever she wants. Then she told me, "We are friends with benefits" -- after which we had great sex. In the morning we had sex again, and then continued our conversation. I mention the sex because it confuses me -- we have a good sex life and always have. Apparently this has no bearing on whether she loves me or not.

In the morning she continued in a round-about-way to get permission to leave. I told her that if we separated, then we could not be friends -- I wouldn't be able to live like that. In order for me to move on, I would have to stop loving her. I would have to emotionally detach from her.

I told her, "Whether you leave or not is your decision. I want you to stay, but if you leave then we will minimize contact. I also told her that if she stays, then she will have to stop all contact with a guy that she was just starting an emotional affair with." Essentially I didn’t agree to what she wanted, which was a cordial separation where she maintains all contact with me and the kids, but can go her own way. I waited patiently for about 20 minutes, but she didn’t answer so I told her she could answer me later and left for the day.
She spent the day depressed and moping around and when I returned, I asked her if she made a decision and she said she was staying and she agreed to the no contact with the other guy. 
To a friend and to me she basically said that if we didn’t have 3 kids, she would have left. To the friend and me, she has said that I’m a great guy, etc. but she just doesn’t love me anymore. She has never said she wants to “work on the marriage” or anything like that. To her, she no longer loves me and it will not come back.
It’s been two days since, and we don’t fight, don’t ignore each other, and I even spent 30 minutes listening to her tell me about some issues at her work. 

I’m just really confused. For me, all these revelations have happened so quick. I do think she is having a Midlife Crisis. My hope is that by staying together somehow things will change and she can somehow recapture that love for me. I still love her. I think her hope is to eventually separate and even divorce. 

I have read and am reading several books to try to understand what is going on. I’ve read Athol Kay’s Married Man’s Sex Primer (MMSP) as well as a book on How to Survive Your Wife’s Midlife Crisis. I think there’s some good advice in both, but as in any real-life situation, mine doesn’t not exactly match what is discussed in these books. The MMSP seems to be written for men who don't have a good sex life -- we do. Yes, we can have more romance and I need to know how to recapture that. The book on your wife's MLC seems to assume a more hostile relationship, which we don't have. We don't argue.

I wonder if there is any hope given that she thinks the love is lost and that is that.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

NotSleeping said:


> Then she told me, "We are friends with benefits" -- after which we had great sex. In the morning we had sex again, and then continued our conversation. I mention the sex because it confuses me -- we have a good sex life and always have. Apparently this has no bearing on whether she loves me or not.


Sounds like she is in an EA. She's having sex with you, but imagining him- their intimate conversations, how he makes her feel, his face, his arms around her...

I don't have any advice except to do the things you did when you were courting and she fell for you. You have a big home court advantage over him.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

If she truly gets rid of the other man, you stand a chance, but if she's in any contact with him at all, she'll be likely to keep rewriting your history together in a way that justifies not loving you instead of rewriting it to remember your relationship's successes. 

That's really a key factor in determining if it's truly done for.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Has she told why she supposedly isn't "in love' with you anymore?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Not,

KatjyBatesel is right. If she's still in contact with her affair partner, nothing will change

You need to start snooping, quietly!

Put a keylogger on the PC and a voice activated recorder undert he front seat of her car with heavy duty velcro

Also check the cell records on line. Look for alot of texts/calls to 1 or 2 numbers you don't recognize. They will take place late at night and early morning and other times when you're not around (work)


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

Since, like my wife and I, you two do not argue but one has "fallen out of love" I'd like to recommend another book for you: ILYBINILWY, by Andrew Marshall. It discusses how we ended up where we are, and how to find the spark again. 

If you've been doing your homework you know that MLC is a waiting game... Unless you want to bail on her that is.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

KathyBatesel said:


> If she truly gets rid of the other man, you stand a chance, but if she's in any contact with him at all, she'll be likely to keep rewriting your history together in a way that justifies not loving you instead of rewriting it to remember your relationship's successes.
> 
> That's really a key factor in determining if it's truly done for.


Kathy nails it. 

Is she willing to do anything to work with you? If you think she might, give her a copy of "Not Just Friends" and ask her to read it.


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

Toffer said:


> Not,
> 
> KatjyBatesel is right. If she's still in contact with her affair partner, nothing will change
> 
> ...


I've gone completely CIA on her. She started becoming very senstive to her privacy about 6-months ago. Changing passwords, etc. I can state for a fact that she has not contacted this guy for the past two weeks. I read her email, texts, FB, etc. daily to keep tabs.


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

AlmostYoung said:


> Since, like my wife and I, you two do not argue but one has "fallen out of love" I'd like to recommend another book for you: ILYBINILWY, by Andrew Marshall. It discusses how we ended up where we are, and how to find the spark again.
> 
> If you've been doing your homework you know that MLC is a waiting game... Unless you want to bail on her that is.


Thanks for the book recommendation. For now, since she doesn't want to work on the marriage, the book is just for me. In fact, I don't think I at this point I can even share it with her.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

I feel for you because I am in a similar situation. My wife has stated she is not in love with me anymore, but because of her vows as a married woman, she will not leave me, but emotionally, she already has. We are now just basically roomates raising 3 kids together with occassional sex, since she lost her drive a few years ago, and when we do have sex, she basically just lays there until I am done, so I have stopped asking her. The funny thing is is that she has told me before that she would have left me a long time ago if it were not for the kids, and I would ask her what about your vows? 

Do you know what she said? I don't believe in divorce, I would just leave you (so I can be the one divorcing her, so she can feel morally right). Honestly, I am really at a crossroads myself, I don't want the marriage to end, but I truly believe that once our youngest (who is now 11) leaves, I think she will too. I wish I had an answer for you, but then again if I did, I wouldn't be in the spot I am in now. Best of luck to you


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

If you think her hope is to eventually separate and even divorce, then even if you love her, if you think this is an almost certainty, maybe you shouldn't stick around and be her best friend and sex toy, and move on. I don't know how old your youngest is, but if this means delaying the inevitable for 10 years, then you'll be 10 years older, and 10 years lost trying to to re-build your life. 

It's not healthy for you to live a life of mediocrity and just waiting for time to pass. I'm not saying to jump ship right away. If you think it's a midlife crisis, I guess give it whatever is reasonable - 1 year? 2 years? But if the writing is on the wall, I think it's time to move on and either find someone who loves you, or at least not live with someone who is using you as friends with benefits.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I don’t know quite what to tell you. I’ve been on both sides with my wife. Timeline of sorts for me... DD was 4/11/09

Round 1; like you I was the BH getting that noise. After DD and confessions of EA, it was painfully obvious that she was only there because of what she’d lose leaving than it was about me. Got worse. I was still trying by trying to “nice her” back into loving me. Underground EA was continued and discovered months after MC and working on the marriage. It broke me.

Round 2 (1/1/10): Pain became too much with the new discovery. So, I decided a marriage should be “this”. If I wasn’t going to get that or efforts toward achieving those ends, divorce would be preferable so I could pursue it from someone who shared those ideals. I decided to D. ... Then she broke; Like a sudden understanding that I had a lot of value to her. But by then, there was a lot of ‘nasty history’ and she was starting to reveal how far down the rabbit hole she’d gone. A good year of that TT... and I did the only thing I could; Worked on myself and focused there. It blends into the next stage..

Round 3: Unforgiven and evaluating what I want from her. I do value her. But the horrendous past is there haunting. She did those things; intentionally and with malice... She knew what it’d do to “us” and still did it with enthusiasm (6 om, 1 ow... physical and/or ea’s). She’s changed... but it does not erase. While she is now willing, I’m not sure. I can’t love or care about her without the flooding thoughts. Roles are switched; Now it’s me being there for the kids saying ILYBNILWY. Seeking reasons to not hate, and pummeled with reasons I should not love.

Round 4 (currently after 3 years 9 months of nonstop thinking..): Time mellows. Those horrible years feel like “the past”. I don’t see her like that again. She’s different. I’m different. Old embers are still hot and there are feelings returning on both sides. We’ll probably recover... Still no forgiveness though; Just acceptance that it happened and trying to deal with that specter.

So to summarize; I’m not reconciled, but along that path pretty decently. There is a part of me that also says had I divorced when I was ready... I’d be 3 years into finding someone else and probably in another much less painful relationship by now. And I could have maintained they were just EA’s and not had to deal with the overwhelming rage and anger at being so deceived; that much changes you.

Was it worth it? I don’t know and try not to think about it too much.


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

russ101 said:


> I feel for you because I am in a similar situation. My wife has stated she is not in love with me anymore, but because of her vows as a married woman, she will not leave me, but emotionally, she already has. We are now just basically roomates raising 3 kids together with occassional sex, since she lost her drive a few years ago, and when we do have sex, she basically just lays there until I am done, so I have stopped asking her. The funny thing is is that she has told me before that she would have left me a long time ago if it were not for the kids, and I would ask her what about your vows?
> 
> Do you know what she said? I don't believe in divorce, I would just leave you (so I can be the one divorcing her, so she can feel morally right). Honestly, I am really at a crossroads myself, I don't want the marriage to end, but I truly believe that once our youngest (who is now 11) leaves, I think she will too. I wish I had an answer for you, but then again if I did, I wouldn't be in the spot I am in now. Best of luck to you


Russ101, how long since she told she doesn't love you? Have you tried any of the strategies such as doing a 180? or anything else? Yes, this is killing me too.


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

Racer said:


> I don’t know quite what to tell you. I’ve been on both sides with my wife. Timeline of sorts for me... DD was 4/11/09
> 
> Round 1; like you I was the BH getting that noise. After DD and confessions of EA, it was painfully obvious that she was only there because of what she’d lose leaving than it was about me. Got worse. I was still trying by trying to “nice her” back into loving me. Underground EA was continued and discovered months after MC and working on the marriage. It broke me.
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing your story, however painful. I've read and heard over and over that its a long journey in front of me; but it is still difficult to accept. In the back of my mind, I feel like what if we could be good again next month ...


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

NotSleeping said:


> Thanks for sharing your story, however painful. I've read and heard over and over that its a long journey in front of me; but it is still difficult to accept. In the back of my mind, I feel like what if we could be good again next month ...


A month... nope. 

A lot of it depends on her and her perceptions (which you have no control over). Sounds to me like you are in a place that is hopeful and believes in her still. The longer she sits on the fence, the more that hope in you fades and your belief turns to acceptance of what she has become. Mine choose to seriously drag it out. The TT was nasty, as was the rewriting of the marriage bull. Add to it an almost obsessive need to "be right" and weasel around simple facts as "not her fault"... ugh.

Didn't need to be that painful. Even now she understands that and fights serious depression and self-esteem issues for how stupid she acted and thought about things. (which also drags it along)... Doesn't have to go like my story at all. My WW controlled the script and pace... I just reacted to it all.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I have never been in this position so I am speaking merely speculatively. I think I might be able to handle an screw up affair, where she was remorseful, more than I could her telling me she doesn't love me anymore. I think I would be like: OK, bye. Come back if you change your mind and I may or may not be here...


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Lets take a look,your wife say she does not love you and does not want to be with you,you have to watch her every move so at least to me this sounds over.

I think the other guy is just on hold and even though you have went CIA there are ways around that so like the above poster said [I fear she will just grow resentful and feel trapped ] will happen sooner or later but now she is just waiting.

You need to start a plan on how you are going to take care of yourself being single.


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

Satya said:


> I'm with IslandGirl, but maybe I am not seeing the entire picture clearly. She says she is not in love with you but wants to stay just for the kids. You seem to have put your foot down about boundaries which is good but that has not changed her stance on the relationship.
> 
> Whether NC or not, she at this moment says she doesn't care for you so I'm not sure why you wish to cling. I fear she will just grow resentful and feel trapped and you will be accepting whatever crumbs you can get from her. Fwb? You didn't sign on for that I gather...


After what was 22 years of marriage, I find it hard to in a single month go from loving and caring for my wife to moving on. I think this will take time. Also, based on what I've read about Midlife Crisis, the advice is to give the spouse space and time. Meanwhile, I'm taking actions as mentioned here to prepare myself as best as I can for moving on. I've read other threads where spouses stuck around and live through their spouse's MLC for 1-3 years. I'm not yet willing to just walk away, but you are right I need to maintain boundaries, avoid having her set the agenda, and avoid being clingy.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I read your other thread.

Can you clarify that before she decided to stay, she was ready to walk out on your 3 children?

Where was she going to go?


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

NotSleeping said:


> I told her, "Whether you leave or not is your decision. I want you to stay, but if you leave then we will minimize contact. I also told her that if she stays, then she will have to stop all contact with a guy that she was just starting an emotional affair with." Essentially I didn’t agree to what she wanted, which was a cordial separation where she maintains all contact with me and the kids, but can go her own way. I waited patiently for about 20 minutes, but she didn’t answer so I told her she could answer me later and left for the day.
> She spent the day depressed and moping around and when I returned, I asked her if she made a decision and she said she was staying and she agreed to the no contact with the other guy.
> 
> I wonder if there is any hope given that she thinks the love is lost and that is that.


Are you sure her affair partner really gone and can you verify this? Do you have open access to all her electronic communications and her whereabouts?

The fact that someone has or doesn't have what we consider to be appropriate feelings in not in itself insurmountable as long as they can gather enough self control no to act on those feelings but it is important not to allow that self control to be challenged without limit.


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

Emerald said:


> I read your other thread.
> 
> Can you clarify that before she decided to stay, she was ready to walk out on your 3 children?
> 
> Where was she going to go?


I cannot say for sure, but in emails to a friend of hers (which I was snooping on), she said she wanted to end the marriage and leave but was conflicted. To a family friend, she told her that if it wasn't for the children she would have left.

She has a good job and can easily afford to pay rent on a condo or apartment in the area.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

NotSleeping said:


> I cannot say for sure, but in emails to a friend of hers (which I was snooping on), she said she wanted to end the marriage and leave but was conflicted. To a family friend, she told her that if it wasn't for the children she would have left.
> 
> She has a good job and can easily afford to pay rent on a condo or apartment in the area.


Move into an apartment w/o the children?


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Are you sure her affair partner really gone and can you verify this? Do you have open access to all her electronic communications and her whereabouts?


I still have access to her emails, FB, and cell phone log. She actually believes these are private because she believes I hacked into her FB account (I used a keylogger). She changed all her passwords recently, and switched from messaging on FB to using email which she believed was safer. Via the emails and phone I know there is no contact. 

However, she does bump into him in public places, maybe 1-2 a week. The community we live in is not large, and I'm not sure how to handle this aspect of "no contact" since it is almost impossible to avoid.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

NotSleeping said:


> However, she does bump into him in public places, maybe 1-2 a week. The community we live in is not large, and I'm not sure how to handle this aspect of "no contact" since it is almost impossible to avoid.


I have that problem myself. Are there always a lot of other people around when they see each other?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

NotSleeping said:


> I still have access to her emails, FB, and cell phone log. She actually believes these are private because she believes I hacked into her FB account (I used a keylogger). She changed all her passwords recently, and switched from messaging on FB to using email which she believed was safer. Via the emails and phone I know there is no contact.
> 
> However, she does bump into him in public places, maybe 1-2 a week. The community we live in is not large, and I'm not sure how to handle this aspect of "no contact" since it is almost impossible to avoid.


Okay so she is still in contact with OM when she "bumps" into him.

I'm very sorry.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

NotSleeping said:


> I cannot say for sure, but in emails to a friend of hers (which I was snooping on), she said she wanted to end the marriage and leave but was conflicted. To a family friend, she told her that if it wasn't for the children she would have left.


Were any of these friends supporting and helping her?


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Were any of these friends supporting and helping her?


From her friends she received the full range of advice: One friend in an unhappy marriage told her to leave; another friend told her to stay; and one friend, who she seems to listen to the most didn't give advice, but said to proceed slowly and think about what she wants, etc.


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> I have that problem myself. Are there always a lot of other people around when they see each other?


yes, it is always a public place.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

NotSleeping said:


> From her friends she received the full range of advice: One friend in an unhappy marriage told her to leave; another friend told her to stay; and one friend, who she seems to listen to the most didn't give advice, but said to proceed slowly and think about what she wants, etc.


My humble opinion is that you don't need anyone encouraging her to leave. Personally, I don't support my wife's relationships with anyone who demonstrates themselves to be working against me.

Feelings are pretty much malleable. If she is living in your house and you are having regular intimacy and you can verify no contact with her affair partner, then you have a lot going for you. I find it helpful to take a "one day at a time" kind of outlook. I also try to recall my mental state from when I was dating back in high school which actually had some fun aspects to it. Ultimately, our thoughts create our feelings. If she thinks well of you she will shortly start feeling good about you. So never underestimate the amount of opportunity you have to help her thinking about you. Kind of like selling yourself all over again.


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## BarelyThere (Dec 31, 2012)

I'm not sure if this can help, but there are similarities in the stories so I thought I'd share my perspective from the other side. 

I recently told my husband the same thing, that I'm staying with him because of the kids. I know it hurt, but could I lie and pretend it's all okay and then blindside him with a divorce later on? I wanted him to know so that he could either have the opportunity to work on the marriage or decide that his road lies elsewhere.

In my case, there is no other man or affair, just a realization that, if we ever were walking the same path in life, it certainly isn't the case now. 

As a wife only holding on by a thread, what I would have liked from my husband when I told him this was the opportunity to talk to him about what's wrong and then get real, solid effort to correct those issues. It's not that I think it will really help, but we can't let go without trying.

I didn't read your other thread, but have you just out and asked her why she doesn't anymore? Can you sit down together and just put it all on the table and then try to work on it?

Like your wife seems to think, I don't think my situation can be fixed, but if she's willing to stay for the kids, she owes it to those kids to do what she can to fix her marriage.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

When a woman tells you she doesn't love you, believe them and act accordingly. Do you really want to be married to someone where you're not sure when the other shoe will drop and she drops you for another man?

I know you love her but hurting yourself just so you can stay married doesn't make sense.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

BarelyThere said:


> In my case, there is no other man or affair, just a realization that, if we ever were walking the same path in life, it certainly isn't the case now.
> 
> ...
> 
> Like your wife seems to think, I don't think my situation can be fixed, but if she's willing to stay for the kids, she owes it to those kids to do what she can to fix her marriage.


We all have to make important decisions in our lives and the decision of whether we want to be in relationship or be alone is one of the most important.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

BarelyThere said:


> I'm not sure if this can help, but there are similarities in the stories so I thought I'd share my perspective from the other side.
> 
> I recently told my husband the same thing, that I'm staying with him because of the kids. I know it hurt, but could I lie and pretend it's all okay and then blindside him with a divorce later on? I wanted him to know so that he could either have the opportunity to work on the marriage or decide that his road lies elsewhere.
> 
> ...


BarelyThere your logic is flawed.

If she is willing to stay for the kids is an excuse. She needs to want to fix the marriage for herself.

MLC=Selfishness

I do not think the kids even enter that equation. She is not married to them. She can take them with her if she leaves. Or at least 50%.

She is not thinking of their happiness only hers. That is why she is leaving. She is not thinking of her husbands happiness, only hers.

What she was really hoping for is an open marriage. How nice for NotSleeping. Not!

Friends with Benefits is just another excuse. She was just trying to let him down easy.

Do I think your wife is torn, yes I do. But instead of being unhappy/flirting with a OM and trying to leave, she should spend the time figuring out what makes her unhappy. ANd how to fix it without blowing up her whole family.

Because 7 times out of 10 the unhappiness comes from within. 

Within themselves. Again it is selfishness.

HM64


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

BarelyThere said:


> I'm not sure if this can help, but there are similarities in the stories so I thought I'd share my perspective from the other side.
> 
> I recently told my husband the same thing, that I'm staying with him because of the kids. I know it hurt, but could I lie and pretend it's all okay and then blindside him with a divorce later on? I wanted him to know so that he could either have the opportunity to work on the marriage or decide that his road lies elsewhere.
> 
> ...


I really appreciate your perspective. My wife's view is that the "connection" was lost, she doesn't love, but says to me, friends, and via the email/FB i'm snooping on that I'm a nice man, great father, and that it has nothing to do with me. The problem for me is that in her opinion this is how it is, and nothing can be done about it. She does not beleive she can get that "love feeling" back again.

The whole problem is clouded because I believe she is definitely having a midlife crisis.

I have suggested twice counciling -- she's not interested. I have mentioned that I think she is having a midlife crisis -- she says maybe, but in truth doesn't see it that way.

I am now following the advice to stop begging, pleading, and being needy in front of her. I don't bring up our relationship. I don't suggest counciling or that we need to work on our marriage. 

Our current status, is today is Friday and we got through the week. Did not fight/argue once (we really never fight much), we are polite and pleasant to each other, and get through the day. 

What confuses me, is her behavior is up/down. Yesterday she engaged me in a long and excited conversation about her work. I just listened and supported her (I do admit my natural tendency is to try to give advice and fix the situation). Yet, 10 minutes later she will act distant like I don't exist.


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## NotSleeping (Jan 3, 2013)

happyman64 said:


> BarelyThere your logic is flawed.
> 
> If she is willing to stay for the kids is an excuse. She needs to want to fix the marriage for herself.
> 
> ...


I agree 100% with your observations. She wants the benefits of the marriage without the obligations -- i.e., an open marriage. She loves our children, but she doesn't see how her actions effect them. I have become the primary care-giver. 

She wanted to let me down easy and essentially get permission to come and go as she pleases. She didn't get that permission, and for at least this week she has completely complied with our agreement.

I'm not sure where to go from here. For now I'm still sorting through what to do. In the near-term I plan on continuing the approach discussed on the book, "How to survive your wife's midlife crisis".


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## BarelyThere (Dec 31, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> BarelyThere your logic is flawed.
> 
> If she is willing to stay for the kids is an excuse. She needs to want to fix the marriage for herself.


I've heard of a lot worse reasons to stay married. I agree, wanting an open relationship is selfish. There's a lot about this situation that is, but if she _is_ going to stay for the kids, if that reason is enough for her to stay married, then it should be enough for her to make real effort to fix the marriage. After all, she's going to be in it a while if she's waiting on the kids. 

I guess what I'm getting at is if she's saying she's staying only for them, then _it is in their best interests_ that she try to create a good example for them by trying in her marriage. It is, for me, the only reason I'm willing to try. My kids deserve better than a mom who just changed her mind and moved on, kids and husband be damned.



NotSleeping said:


> I really appreciate your perspective. My wife's view is that the "connection" was lost, she doesn't love, but says to me, friends, and via the email/FB i'm snooping on that I'm a nice man, great father, and that it has nothing to do with me. The problem for me is that in her opinion this is how it is, and nothing can be done about it. She does not beleive she can get that "love feeling" back again.
> 
> I get that. By the time you realize you don't want to stay married, the obstacles seem to add up and it seems impossible to get back to whatever made you fall in love in the first place. Doesn't mean it can't happen, just feels like a daunting task.
> 
> ...


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