# He accused me of cheating while I got pedicure and went through my phone!



## minosandtails (Oct 15, 2017)

I have posted here before but I wanted to post about a separate issue. Please answer here first before reading my history as I think it might cloud judgement even more

My fiancé is very paranoid and untrustworthy of me. He says he will improve and at times he does. 

But yesterday was bad. Actually the day was calm after a bad weekend. He was really kind and we were having a good day. At 4 o?clock I told him I was going to get a manicure and pedicure. It?s a bout a mile from the house. 

He said ok. He texted a few times during this and I always responded. I even sent him an article from what I was reading there. 

When I went to pay I panicked because I didn?t have my credit cards. I texted him but he was at the gym and didn?t have his either. I went back and asked the cashier if I could just pay with paypal and it worked out. The point is I contacted him and asked for help while paying. 

When I got home about an hour and half after the pedicure he was at the gym. So I waited a bit and finally went for a walk. I power walk nightly. 

When he got home he asked why my nails were the same color. I told him they were running behind. That I had to do one or another because their wait was so long. He said hmmmmm. I showed him my toes and he said the polish color seemed the same. It was similar but who cares?! He was cold during dinner and said he had a strong suspicion I was meeting with someone. 

I said what?! No!!!

We ate dinner and left. When we got he it was 9:45 and I eventually fell asleep on the couch while he worked. 

I woke him up at 2 am and said let?s go to bed. He then started asking all kinds of questions and he said he went through my phone while I was asleep. 

He saw the texts I shared with my best friend about the argument we had over the weekend where he threatened to leave me. 

He asked who one of my coworkers was and got mad I was texting someone about a dog that was for sale and said no dogs 

He told me he didn?t feel right. And again accused me of not getting a pedicure. 
I got out of bed and went and showed him the spa shoes I wore home and the receipt. He said that didn?t account for being gone so long. 

He was very upset that I painted him in a bad light to my besffriend via text and called me a liar. 

I am gone for work now and I just feel like I can?t even go to the bathroom without being accused. 

Can this be rectified?


----------



## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Until he addresses his insecurity... most likely not.

When things are not in a good place inside, it's easy to fall back on blaming the outside things.

Without trust, you will suffer.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You are not married to this man as yet....ask yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life?


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Question:


minosandtails said:


> Can this be rectified?



Answer:


Emerging Buddhist said:


> Until he addresses his insecurity... most likely not.


You have to ask yourself, "Self, is this is the way I want to life my life for the next 20 years?" I personally would not want to be constantly having every detail of what I do with my day scrutinized with a microscope. I don't want assurances, I want action. Your fiancé obviously has some serious trust issues. He _says_ he will get better with time, but if he is not actively working to try and address the root cause(s) of his issues, there is not going to be a lot of change. 

The only thing I don't know is what parts of the story I am missing, because I did not go back and read your previous posts. I would not want to live the way you are with a moody, untrusting person. 

EDIT: I just read your previous post. Definitely not a person I would want to be with.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Unless you have given him some reason to mistrust you in the past, then he is not behaving reasonably. I wouldn't want to be in a marriage without trust.


----------



## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Even if they're the same color a fresh pedicure is typically pretty apparent. When my wife gets a pedicure her feet are so nice and soft. By the time she's ready to get another one they're calloused and rough and the polish is away from the nail bed. It should be obvious that you in fact had a pedicure done, just tell him to feel your feet.

There must be something in your past that has him paranoid like this. If in the past you made a habit of lying about contacting other men this makes sense, if not, then he likely is just very insecure.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

If you mean "can it be rectified?" by you doing something, then NO. Your fiancé sounds like a paranoid jerk. The good would not outweigh the bad in this scenario for me. I couldn't stand being around anyone so suspicious, particularly if I had to account for my every waking minute. That alone would erase any good times for me.

So what's so great about this guy that keeps you there?


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You want people to read this post but not your others?
I remember your other thread and the advice that I gave you still stands.He screams abuse at you,tells you his family hates you,tells you your face is pissing him off and threatens to leave on a regular basis.Now you tell us he is accusing you of cheating on him.
This guy is in need of serious psychiatric evaluation.
Or a serious kick in the rocks.
Either way you need to get away from this poisonous situation and this toxic ******* you have being living with.


----------



## minosandtails (Oct 15, 2017)

Thank you Andy101. It?s pretty rough reading it like that but what you describe is the truth. And that?s just in the last 3 days. I?m not sure why I am so paralyzed by the idea of not being with him. Cold turkey is what I need to do. But it makes me think that I can?t do it. I?m in this so deep. Coming here helps me see the outside a bit better. It is killing me.


----------



## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

He's your fiancé and he acts this way? Things do not get better by getting married. I'd suggest a separation or break while he goes through psychiatric help if you want to take this project up. Is he worth it?


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Like I asked before, what is keeping you with him? Are you afraid he'll stalk you or harm you if you leave?


----------



## minosandtails (Oct 15, 2017)

Fear. I don?t think he would stalk me. He would try for awhile but then I think he would hit on and flaunt himself publicly with any hot young thing he could. He knows I get jealous. He makes sure I know he is capable of getting model looking women. He has proven that. 

My own insecurities probably hold me even tighter to the drama than they ever should. 

And he is my life. We are so connected. Texting and calling and being together non stop. Being away from hkm will truly feel like a death. I am terrified of that feeling again.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

minosandtails said:


> And he is my life.


I had a friend say that to me years ago. I was only about 23 at the time, but even then I knew she was in deep trouble. Nobody can be your life; it's yours alone to live.



minosandtails said:


> We are so connected.


Connected, perhaps, but certainly not in a healthy way. So being away from a suspicious, paranoid man would "feel like death" to you. This is sad. What a tragic waste of the one life you've been given to live. Feelings of death don't equate to actually going through the literal process of death. I don't know if you realize how sick this entire relationship sounds on so many levels. 

I guess I could tell you that you're rabidly codependent, that you don't have a strong sense of identity to be on your own, that you need counseling. Well, it's something you should consider ... JMO.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Folks, this poster is Weirdo567.

To the OP, you have posted under dozens of names. If your story is real, you are with a seriously abusive man. You need to leave him. But you have no intention of doing that. We cannot help you here. You need professional help. 

Please STOP POSTING ON TAM.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

minosandtails said:


> Fear. I don?t think he would stalk me. He would try for awhile but then *I think he would hit on and flaunt himself publicly with any hot young thing he could. He knows I get jealous. He makes sure I know he is capable of getting model looking women. He has proven that.
> *
> My own insecurities probably hold me even tighter to the drama than they ever should.
> 
> And he is my life. We are so connected. Texting and calling and being together non stop. Being away from hkm will truly feel like a death. I am terrified of that feeling again.


Yes he is paranoid.

And yes, he sees you doing what he does in his squirrely mind.
His head being small, he sits in his two legged tank while looking out his limited-field periscope.
Gazing out in his forward field.

He sees women, sexy women, women he would love to have. Women he fears.
He is scared poopless of women. He does not trust them, he does not trust himself.
Since these women hit on him, he thinks you do the same. 

God, women he loves you with every fiber in his being. And he is scared of losing you.
That you are going to be one of those women who ogle and be coy, a women who cannot be trusted.

As frustrating as it is to you, it is triple the angst to him. He is very insecure.
God help you if he gains his courage, takes stock of his image, and loses moral certitude.

He will be taken from you, as his self inflicted insecure weakness, is taken from him.

He is the pretty boy that we remember in Junior High School. He was always made to feel uncomfortable.
He still is. Again, I hope he does not grow up and realize his power.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

minosandtails said:


> I have posted here before but I wanted to post about a separate issue. Please answer here first before reading my history as I think it might cloud judgement even more
> 
> My fiancé is very paranoid and untrustworthy of me. He says he will improve and at times he does.
> 
> ...


Was he always like this? Insecure?

If not he could be projecting and cheating on you!


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

@minosandtails

In Greek mythology Minos was the first King of Crete, son of Zeus and Europa. Every nine years, he made King Aegeus pick seven young boys and seven young girls to be sent to Daedalus's creation, the labyrinth, to be eaten by the Minotaur. After his death, Minos became a judge of the dead in the underworld.
-wikipedia

This is the tail, uh, tale I should be telling.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I deleted my response after reading EleGirl's post.

Either you're a troll or a desperado who lacks the intestinal fortitude to do something about your situation and just want to waste people's time posting on here looking for 'advice' you'll never consider.

Not wasting my time.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

@EleGirl


----------

