# Husband has a female friend he meets for lunch regularly



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I recently found on my H's FB page a distrubing message from a girl on his wall. She said she missed him and hopes to see him again soon.

I saw this yesterday....so I asked him through text about it yesterday and he didn't respond like he didn't see the text.

So tonight I told him something has been bothering me. I asked him who the girl was that wrote on his wall. I asked why she misses him. he said because they talk a lot. I asked him who is she? Does she know about me? Does she know he is working on reconsilation? Does he see her often?

He said Yes she knows about me
Yes She knows we are trying to reconsile
He has lunch with her 1 time a week

I asked Why?

He said: Cause she is easy to talk to. What does it matter

I said : Because if the opposite sex is easy to talk to then..he could easily fall in love with her

He said: Yeah
I'm thinking not
Thanks

There was more to this texting conversation, but you get the drift...

I just don't feel confurtable with him talking to a girl who is easy to talk to let alone meeting her about once a week when we are trying to reconsile. 

Of note: He works 5-6 days per week, so he has little time to spend with me, we do spend time together on weekends. I just don't think it is right that he goes to lunch with a girl.

He never answered who she was or where he knows her from and I have not asked him how long he has known her.

Since we have been seperated I noticed he has been aquiring more friends, but will not accept me as a friend.

We have marriage counseling this Friday. It's our first counseling since we have been seperated. We have previuosly seen this counseling for the last 2 years. She knows of the seperation, but only knows my side right now. 

I don't think he should be seeing a girl while we are seperated. I'm afraid of what the girl might start feeling for him.

Now I have lots of worries and I have more questions for my husband. He lives with his parents and has the kids every other weekend, but sometimes has them more often. His paretns are the take over our kids type, so he can easily tell them he is going out to lunch and they will wathc them. Now I don't mind if its with me. Now I really do mind if its because of this girl.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

He should not have a female friend that is not also your friend. Even if you are all friends, he has no business meeting with another woman alone.
I am not suggesting that there is anything going on, but the situation is being set up.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Thankyou for your reply! Thats exacty what I thought! We are going to marriage counseling this Friday and this will definatly be brought up! 

I want him to stop seeing her! I didn't tell him that, but I do want it to stop.

I suddenly feel that I all of a sudden need to start putting the moves on him for gettign the I love you's at end of conversations going;which I did tonihgt and he replied I love U too. 

I also feel the next time I see him I need to end the good bye (tight) hug with a kiss. We have not kissed sicne the seperation which happened August 28th

We just saw eachother last night and our hug was very long and tight and I senced that maybe he wanted to kiss me, but was holding back.

He always texts me when he gets to his parents house and texts me for about 1-2hrs. He started his text last night with what ya doing. I text I was thinking about him. He seemed to like that and he eventually text that it seemed like I had a lot to say with my hug.

I didn't know exactly what he was getting at or what he was wanting me to say. He has never been a sexting type person, but perhaps he is experimenting. I didn't sext him...I just said I missed hearing laying on him and hearing his heartbeat. And he text back my hearbeat??

So it seemed that was not the reply he was loking for

Maybe he was looking for me saying I was thinking of me running my hands on him or something of that sort

Anyway this makes me feel like its time for me to start eh physical stuff with him and stop waiting for him to make the moves


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I had a very similar thing happen. I noticed my wife stopped inviting me to her office for lunches, months later she tells me whe wants a divorce, glancing at her work emails that she left open I noticed many emails to and from a male coworker. Sure enough they had been meeting for lunches and coffee on a regular basis. He is 10 years younger, ex athlete. To this day she denies anything more than friendship, but she was also googling his name at home and when questioned about him she admitted he was good looking and interesting. 

Cheaters will always lie and the grass is not always greener.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I didn't really sleep last night at all. I thought about why he talks to another woman because he says she is easy to talk too. I'm feeling even more that there is now a reason that he has no idea of a timeframe of when he wants to come home. 

We have our first marriage counseling session this Friday and I am sure going to let the counselor know that he sees a girl for lunch about once a week. 

He told me he didn't talk to her about me, but she knows about me, knows he is working on reconsiling marriage. He says he has no plans of being romantic with her, but yet that he doesn't know if she finds him attractive. I told him I knew about men's needs and basically I'm worried about it.


Now I feel like I need to put more moves on him. We have not kissed since the seperation and we don't hold hands. Of course we have not had sex in over 3 months. 

To make matters worse he said what he thinks about is what a priest told him. The priest told him to think about how many good things he can remember and how many bad things he can remember. So basically he's basing his decision on those things even though there has been big big changes to life, that will make our marriage better, but he seems to not even want to sodbd the night with me to see if we can be happy. 

I feel this priest is full of ****..of course he's going to remember a lot more bad things than good. I think he should be basing his decision on how he feels about me and what's best for the kids....not on the past pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

blueskies30 said:


> I didn't really sleep last night at all. I thought about why he talks to another woman because he says she is easy to talk too. I'm feeling even more that there is now a reason that he has no idea of a timeframe of when he wants to come home.
> 
> We have our first marriage counseling session this Friday and I am sure going to let the counselor know that he sees a girl for lunch about once a week.
> 
> ...


It almost feels like you are going to reward him for having lunch with another woman by initiating sex...???

I'm guessing he was hoping you would sext him last night (or whenever).

Even if you start fillling his physical needs, it sounds like his lunch buddy is filling some of his emotional needs.

Don't "do" anything with him until after your therapy appointment. I would say that he needs to drop his lunch buddy before he can come home - understanding that he's not even wanting to come home at this time anyway. Even still - draw YOUR line clearly in the sand so he knows how you feel.

Good luck - hoping this works out for you...


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Thnaks for your reply. I have other FB messages from his account from past and present. I have emailed those to my self. He has denied some past things which I have proof for. I am going to make a timeline for all his indiscrepenties. I will bring this with me to the counselor. If we are going to get past this he has to start being honest and deal with the reasons he has done this. he has told me I was crazy all alone and that the one that I really did catch him on he has always said he was just friends. I beleived him about that 2 years ago, but I was always non trusting.

Well I did have an emotional affiar because of his putting me down and everything. I didn't go looking for it. Now he wants to blame everything on me on why he is so hurt. Now I will tell him yes I did something bad, but I thought of him the whole time, which I did. 

He will have to answer for everything he did for years. That will make what I did much less of the blame. I'm not saying what I did was right because he did it too. I feel a great great deal of guilt!! So much that I don't want to think about it...He seems to not have any guilt for anything he did cause I have found evidence of more than 1 girl through the years and he has never totally admitted it.

I have never done anyhting like this so now that I did have alongdistance emotional affiar he wants to blame blame blame!!!


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