# Controlling and petty?



## dgmouser (Oct 24, 2010)

I need to know if I'm this controlling person that my husband says that I am. I just feel alone and not at all connected in my marriage. We agree about our kids education and the way to discipline (which I do unless I make him do it) but I think now a days that's it. I feel like I'm married to a big kid and whenever I want to have a discussion about anything he says that it's more about what he isn't doing and that he does so much I have no room to say anything. I just want to be married to a grown up. Everything is about telling jokes and having fun to the point where my 3yr old thinks I'm the mean one because I'm the one that disciplines. His idea of a relationship with our girls is as a playmate a lot of the time. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't know how to connect with them other then in this way and I have mentioned this to him. He doesn't feels like this is a big deal or problem but with my oldest sometimes I see her turn away from it. Even when they ask him to stop messing with them he doesn't listen and keeps pushing where it turns into yelling or crying. When we go to the store, for me it seems like every time we go but he gets upset when I say every time, he gets the kids worked up and they're playing while I'm the one having to grab what is needed and stay focused. It really pisses me off and sometimes the kids are so worked up that they are screaming in the store and I feel that people are annoyed. I want an adult male that can do these things with and tonight I've come to that maybe I am trying to change him and that isn't fair, maybe it's time for me to cut my losses and just be alone with my kids. But since we've had kids his way of having a relationship with them is to play, joke and get them worked up that I'm starting to hate it. I asked him for help today with changing the beds and I got "I'm in a middle of a game I'll help you when I'm done", not with the kids but on his Ipod. Yet he went out to a movie with a friend last night and we had my mom coming over. I got up after he left and cleaned the whole house and when I asked for this in the morning this is what I got. Am I being mean and petty? I'm just so frustrated, no matter how I talk to him or approach him it turns into these raging fights because he feels like I'm criticizing him and trying to control who he is. It's to the point that we can't even have a conversation about anything because he feels criticized and it blows up. Even when I try to say "I feel that ..." "I would like it if ..." it reflects something that he isn't doing and that he already does enough and shouldn't have to do any more. Fights are yelling matches and makes me question if I even love him anymore. How can you be with someone and not be able to talk or approach them about anything with out it blowing up. His thing is if I was more laid back and just let things go without always bring things up to be changed or worked on everything would be just fine. I feel like he doesn't ever want me to approach him about anything if I don't agree or like how something is or isn't. How do I move on from here or is it over and I need to make a change for me and my girls. Please, comment it would be greatly appreciated to see if I'm really so controlling and petty like he always throws out.


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