# Why have things changed? Any advice welcome please.



## alynn39 (Feb 11, 2012)

Ok...I need some advice or thoughts. Would like male and female opinions please. Here is my situation. My husband and I have been married 13 years 16 total years together. We had a great sex life from the start. There is an age difference between us I am 40 he is 58 now. As I said we had a great sex life my husband wanted it all the time even more then me most the time. We both wanted to please each other it was definitely mutual between the 2 of us. He loved giving and receicving oral sex as did I. Anyway, a little over a year ago things drastically changed. He no longer seemed intersted in giving oral sex anymore and sex probably decreased to maybe once a week. I asked him about it as soon as I felt things had changed and he had mentioned to me that he was having some ED issues and he had seen the Dr and it wasnt anything to do with me. I understood at that point because as I said there is an age difference between us so I thought it may be possible. It is now though over a year later and he has had a complete exam done and blood work to rule out any medical conditions and all came back fine but he is still acting the same. We have sex maybe 1 a week and I am more than happy to satisfy him but he doesnt seem to want to really touch and satisfy me like he did before all this started. Any way I am hoping maybe someboby had a similar situation or maybe a man has been through something like my husband to give me some advice or thoughts. Thanks for taking your time to read and reply I hope my post makes sense its a lot to write.


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## MaybeItsMe? (Oct 26, 2011)

Are you 100% sure there is no one else in the picture?


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## alynn39 (Feb 11, 2012)

Hi, and thanks for taking the time to read my post. Well the only thing that would come to mind is he does have a female friend, I have never been real comfortable about the idea, but have never been the jealous insecure type of person. With that being said I know that most of their talking is on the phone and when I am not around which is why I am not happy about the friendship. We both met her at a park with our dogs. I don't see really when anything more could be possible though because my husband and I spend very little time apart other than work and when we do things we usually do things together with mutual friends for fun. There are no other signs of infidelity.


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## MaybeItsMe? (Oct 26, 2011)

Sometimes if a man's mind is on someone else other things start to slip. I could be 100% wrong here though!


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## alynn39 (Feb 11, 2012)

I mean I had given that a thought before. The only thing is as I said nothing else has changed. He still wants to be around me and is always making plans for future things with us. He doesn't seem like someone who has lost interest in the marriage. So you don't think that age could be a factor?


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## MaybeItsMe? (Oct 26, 2011)

I am 31 and so have no experience on age and sex drive so I have no idea on that, maybe some one else on here may chip in and help.

To be fair I would be over the moon with once a week!  but its all relative I suppose.


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## alynn39 (Feb 11, 2012)

Yes, I hope so. I mean don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with once a week honestly, if it was like before and things didn't change. I just feel like there is a reason behind the change in behavior. I do appreciate your input though, Thanks!


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Men decrease sex interest with wives for one of a couple reasons...

1. He lost attraction in his wife/she got too old.
2. He has an eye/interest in someone else
3. He is mad at the wife
4. He physically is unable to.

Thats pretty much it. Pick one. Once a week may be all he can stand.

One thing is for sure... you need to stop giving him oral if he is not returning


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Does he have any other stress in his life?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I see a big red flag with the female friend when you stated he talks to her on the phone mostly when you are not around. I'm also wondering about another statement you made.


> I asked him about it as soon as I felt things had changed and he had mentioned to me that he was having some ED issues and he had seen the Dr and it wasnt anything to do with me.


 Have you noticed any ED problems? And you didn't even know he had seen a doctor? I'm detecting some emotional distance.

Okay, if it isn't someone else..... At your husband's age, perhaps he could be taking regular medications that could be interfering with his libido. Is he under stress or suffering from depression?


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## KFS (Nov 4, 2012)

It really could be ED issues. My husband is 61 and in the last few years I've noticed a difference. He, too, would say "the problem's not with you, it's with me" but still I'd feel so insecure. Now as my own libido has slowed down with menopause I can see his side a little better. We've talked about it and he admitted his reluctance to have sex oftentimes stemmed from performance pressure - even though the spirit was willing, he never knew if the body was going to comply. I now realize that must be heavy pressure on a man.


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## MaybeItsMe? (Oct 26, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alynn39 (Feb 11, 2012)

827Aug said:


> I see a big red flag with the female friend when you stated he talks to her on the phone mostly when you are not around. I'm also wondering about another statement you made. Have you noticed any ED problems? And you didn't even know he had seen a doctor? I'm detecting some emotional distance.
> 
> Okay, if it isn't someone else..... At your husband's age, perhaps he could be taking regular medications that could be interfering with his libido. Is he under stress or suffering from depression?


To 827aug- I agree with the red flag with the female friend. The way I had discovered the conversations was through our cell phone bill and I did confront him. With that said he does still talk with her at times but nothing like before. As for the ED I mean there was on thing I had noticed and I think he was a little embarrased for me to know that he went to the Dr and was given some pills to try. I am sure it is probably not an easy thing for a man to admit. As far as medications the only things he takes on a norm are cholesterol and acid reflux pills and I don't believe either of them would have a side effect on a mans libido. He had been diagnosed as pre-diabetic, but is on no type of treatment. As far as stress goes I cant think of any that I am aware of. I mean reading these boards I guess I should be glad I have sex once a week as I see so many other couples don't. I am fine with that, but I am confused as to why the foreplay and all has changed on his part. I appreciate your input


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## themagicalbeing2013 (Mar 19, 2013)

It seems that he is having something somewhere else.... Even with ED if you used to have some good relationship and sex life. He will find the way to give you pleasure... I hope you can find out what is happening and do something about it.. It seems like something that it is not into someone will do.. maybe too many other distractions..


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