# Uncommunicative couch potatoes



## stuckinboston (Jul 28, 2010)

The story of every evening in my marriage:

Wife comes home, lets out the dog.
Wife sits on the couch, turns on the TV.
I come home, let in the dog.
Wife asks for dinner, a glass of water, an aspirin, whatever.
Three hours of TV-watching commences.
Wife gets up only to use the bathroom.
I get bored, go upstairs and play on the computer.
Wife goes to bed.
I look at some porn, take care of things.
I go to bed.

Total words exchanged: maybe fifty.
Total words exchanged beyond "Hi, I'm home" and "Can you get me X": none

Every night, almost without fail, for a handful of years now.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Turn off the tv. Stay off of the computer. Have a conversation.

I bet she's as bored as you are, but SOMEONE needs to take initiative to change the routine. Why not you?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

You can't change her, only you. Go do ask her to do something (talk to you, play a game, put together a puzzle, go do an activity, take a walk with the dog). If she refuses, go do it by yourself. Make hanging out with you a fun experience.

Also, she is an adult and can get her own dinner, aspirin, etc. You are not her butler.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Kill all your TVs.

Kill them dead.

Cancel the cable, cut the wires, throw them in a trash heap.

Then you kill your computer and stop whacking it to porn. Do you think she doesn't know? and if she knows, do you really think she doesn't care?

Call her at Noon, tell her to meet you after work at a restaurant, bar, theater, whatever. But, break the routine. If she says "no" then go by yourself. Let her sit at home alone.

Get friends outside the house (preferably male) and take up a hobby. Do a guys night once a week at a different place each time. Don't negotiate about that, just go.

I have a couple of buddies and we do beers and dinner one night a week. We rotate through as many different places as possible. Then my wife and I can go there at another time, and know ahead of time if the food is decent, etc. She gets a benefit of me going out with the guys.

and start telling her in the morning that she better take an aspirin early, because your not taking a headache as a deterrent to what you want to do with her later.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Mistys Dad is a bit over the top, but not far off the mark.

Really - how about just doing something else besides TV for a change? Go out to dinner or something. Pick Friday nights and maybe go see some local show. Comedy show? Go to a museum... ever seen the glass flowers or the natural history museum over at Harvard? How about go walk some trails over at Blue Hills or something, or out west in the berkshires or on a cape beach.. (yeah, even if its cold and snowy... finish in a bar for an Irish Coffee of something) If cost is a problem, how about a game of cribbage or making an unusually good meal together...... anything.. just to get things moving.

You know whats going on, get your butt in gear. It may be work for a while - but maybe after a while it will become habit?


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

stuckinboston said:


> The story of every evening in my marriage:
> 
> Wife comes home, lets out the dog.
> Wife sits on the couch, turns on the TV.
> ...


Big mistake to let this go for so long, but now is the best time to take action. My wife would love this kind of life but it's just not going to happen. 

Google "John Gottman emotional bidding" and understand what he is talking about. Resolve to bid at least 10 times per hour every evening. Make a checklist if you have to. Don't pay attention to bad results, keep it up, every 6 minutes or more. Don't worry about how much you do for her, you can always do more, slave over her all night if you want to but only if you want to. Just make absolutely sure you ask directly for her attention and whatever else you want. 

You have let your wife be in charge here for whatever reason and if you don't like it (and I know I wouldn't) then take charge yourself and make a few changes. You need to make yourself more important than her tv and believe me, I know how hard that is.


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## JRA (Jan 20, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> I really really agree with everything written above.
> 
> Do it for a minimium of 6 months.





Mistys dad said:


> Kill all your TVs.
> 
> Kill them dead.
> 
> ...


Completely agree. Surprise her, start planning a trip. Come home wearing a sombrero and when she asks you why start planning.


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