# Missing the....



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

It sucks when you are really feeling "horny" and you used to be able to have sex with your partner all the time, now they are gone and you have no one there to help with the urge.

Oh well, that is all part of the process I guess.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Horny doesn't begin to describe it for me. My STBXW has a rockin' bod and she know how to use it. Too bad she couldn't keep it exclusively for me. I'm going to miss that part of our marriage.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

OH yeah trust me I know, my stbxw dropped 65 lbs over the last two years (not that it mattered to me) but she was starting to wear different clothing, or "outfits". I'm going to miss that a lot.

I just have to tell myself I will get it again (hopefully).


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## barbieDoll (Jul 7, 2011)

Awww .


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

It took me three years to get her to buy that outfit, then she only wore it for me once. It was a nice one from Victoria's Secret, let me tell you she looked like a 20 in it


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Well, I can't identify with that. My stbxw had little to no sex drive, so sex and intimacy were not on the menu very often . Seems this was also a complaint/concern of the guy in her last LTR. 

My stbxw was not the type to turn heads, but she was able to turn mine... to me, she was the most beautiful, desirable woman in the world. Even when she gained weight I never stopped being attracted to her or never loved her any less. 

Ah well... so much for that. 

Proud... there's a cure for when you get horny, but I'm sure I can leave it at that.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Can....yes I no the cure, but it's not the same. It's like having a roast beef sandwich when you are craving a steak.


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## mattmf01 (Jan 24, 2012)

You could be deployed to a f'n combat zone and have it at home waiting for you. Whats worse? Knowing that it is there and you can't have it or know you just wont have it at all?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

For me knowing that I used to have it just three months ago, now I can't have it, and some other guy will eventually have it. That's just my opinion though. We had 11 years together, we KNEW each other perfectly in that regard.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Gather some money and tell your wife to take care of the kids and fly to Nevada. A friend of mine highly recommends the Mustang Ranch. I'm thinking bout it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> For me knowing that I used to have it just three months ago, now I can't have it, and some other guy will eventually have it. That's just my opinion though. We had 11 years together, we KNEW each other perfectly in that regard.


As you know, this is part of what you need to let go. 

And as you know, I am going through the same feelings with my stbxw.

Remember... move forward. Always.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I don't understand why you are so pessimistic. When you let go of pinning for your ex, you will get out and search for a woman you can have a good connection with. It happens all the time with other men. why do you think you will be left out? 

At lest try and then post about your success so pessimist will be inspired. Remember though, if you are looking for women just to satisfy an itch you may end up with very little. Woman are not put on earth to serve as you vehicle for relief for your sexual urges. Mr hand can do that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

proudwidaddy said:


> OH yeah trust me I know, my stbxw dropped 65 lbs over the last two years (not that it mattered to me) but she was starting to wear different clothing, or "outfits". I'm going to miss that a lot.
> 
> I just have to tell myself I will get it again (hopefully).


Were you doing anything to improve yourself while that was going on?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yes I was, I was walking more, losing weight as well. Still, regardless she chose to dump me, leave me.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> Yes I was, I was walking more, losing weight as well. Still, regardless she chose to dump me, leave me.


Her choice, her loss. You are better off being single, taking the time to recover, and in time being with someone who wants to be with you. 

Personally speaking, one of the reasons I know I would not want a reconciliation with my stbxw is what I could never trust her again, emotionally speaking. Could you trust yours?

Your ego took a bruising, Proud. From your posts, I can tell you are a fellow "nice guy". It also sounds like you were involved in an adolescent relationship, the "I'll take care of you, you take care of me" type of thing. That would explain your being so rattled and lost with her leaving. Any separation is difficult, but when you depend on a marriage/wife too much for your needs and sense of self, it's even harder to dig yourself out of the rut.

In a way, my separation slowly becoming a liberating experience. Still recovering, still not ready to date, still miss my wife often... but I have learned so much about myself during this relationship, but especially during its demise. I have a much better idea of the type of person I would enjoy being with, and know to stay away from anyone I have to "fix" or who is too needy. I am looking forward to meeting an independent woman I can share a life with, one who's tired of relationship bs (but understands compromise is important), who is honest with herself, authentic and ready to move forward as well. I know she is out there, and that I have someone new to look forward to, eventually. That's pretty exciting.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Be careful about appearently independant woman. Make sure she is happy and engaged in her work. Sometimes an apparently independent women is looking for a way out of working. Look out for red flags like job dissatisfaction, complaints about difficulties in the workplace. The level of sucess and advancement is another indicator. Plans for future success is another.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Can,
You are right, I am a fellow nice guy. only the last year did I truly define myself through my wife, that is why this is all the more devastating to me. I have looked inward a lot, realized that the last year I was the one driving the emotional train, feeling that if I made her happy she would in return make me happy. That wasn't the case. I was doing it for the wrong reasons. Instead of making her happy because I wanted to, I was doing it in hopes that she would make me happy back. I've realized that from now on I have to do things because I want to, that it is okay for my needs to be met as well. To your point about reconciliation, no I don't think I could trust her emotionally again. She seems to have taken a big jump into this new person. The person she used to be was amazing, but I realize that person is long gone now. I can see all the changes she made was about getting validation from other people, she started to enjoy the way other men look at her, hit on her, telling her she is pretty. It wasn't important to her when I thought she was pretty. I would tell her she was sexy, beautiful, etc, she would say I have to say that. Still, she had a year to get over this, I've only been dealing with it for two months now. Not a fair time comparison.

Catherine to your point, it's not just the physical itch that I'm wanting to satisfy, it was the emotional connection I used to share with my wife as well. Whether it was lovemaking, sex, or pure physical raw togetherness, there was still always an aspect of emotional connection for me, even during drunk sex. We knew each other so well, 11 years worth. All the vulnerabilities were out there, accepted, and was good. I used to say we could both be blindfolded and we would still know how to please each other. I crave and miss that, what's more it's the feeling of rejection on her part that she doesn't want me anymore, that she doesn't crave that anymore from me. Eventually she will want that from another guy, and I will just be a fleeting memory if that (save for the kids). What really sucks is I've always had a thing for women with dark hair, but now I think that would be too painful of a reminder of her. I miss the sex, but I also miss the hand holding, the hugging, deep kissing, cuddling, I'm a very physical affectionate person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

can't relate, h stopped wanting sex a year ago, preferring "the cure"


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

You know what I just kind of realized is that the stbxw made me feel vain about how she looked, because of her dressing the way she did. The only thing I like about her now is her outward appearance, how messed up is that. I hate who she is right now, what's she's done. She's made me feel vain about how she looks, worrying about if I will attract or get another beautiful woman. I know I will. I never used to be like this, I always valued more of how a woman looked on the inside. Damn her for warping my mind as well.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

> You know what I just kind of realized is that the stbxw made me feel vain about how she looked, because of her dressing the way she did. The only thing I like about her now is her outward appearance, how messed up is that. I hate who she is right now, what's she's done. She's made me feel vain about how she looks, worrying about if I will attract or get another beautiful woman.


This is insecurity, not vanity. The separation has shaken your confidence. 



> I never used to be like this, I always valued more of how a woman looked on the inside. Damn her for warping my mind as well.


Sounds to me like you're blaming her for the way you feel. I understand the hurt, but when and how you move forward is your decision. You need to stop letting her and the separation have so much power over you. Proud, you need to man-up here, and that's part of the process of moving on. You need to rediscover your sense of self. A counselor, talking this out with friends, self-help books and time will all help with that. 

I know you felt better about yourself a few days ago. Remember that and focus on why and how you felt inside as a person of value, as a person with a future. That's key.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> Sounds to me like you're blaming her for the way you feel. I understand the hurt, but when and how you move forward is your decision. You need to stop letting her and the separation have so much power over you. Proud, you need to man-up here, and that's part of the process of moving on. You need to rediscover your sense of self. A counselor, talking this out with friends, self-help books and time will all help with that.


'

We've been telling him this for weeks. He won't let it go. Very stubborn!


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> We've been telling him this for weeks. He won't let it go. Very stubborn!


See, Proud? It's not just me.


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