# It is offical



## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

I am single for the 1st time in 15 years.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

Thanks for all of your support.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

To be fare....she was nice (in actions) legally speaking...otherwise she is not speaking to me.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Come over to the Life After Divorce section


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

All of those put into one. Right now I am most glad that I no longer have to a parent to my own wife. She can go out and be the 36 year old teenager she wants to be. I am to the point where I do want her to find happiness.....That happiness just can not include me and I just hope I can find a little for myself also. 

I am sad also. San for the love I thought I/we had (as twisted as that love may of been), I am sad that my family is splintered.

No going to lie...I am a little scared to be single again. My self-image needs a lot of work. I know logically most of this **** is not my fault, I am not to the point where I feel that truth yet. I also worry that maybe I am just not good enough... I am sure all just your standard BS petty worries. 

I am anxious that I keep my son in my life. He is very important to me. 

I guess I will see what comes.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

I am sue I will be migrating on over there soon...hopefully it is as full of wonderful advice as this forum has been.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I just catch your thread, and what happened in the end. Did you avoid spousal support?


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

Yep...she waived it. She got half of everything...but at least she waived that.


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## NewYearNewMe (Jan 7, 2014)

RNS,
I'm heading in the same direction as you. 14 year relationship, poof. She cheated multiple times. Demaded we have kids, I said "no, not in a an unstable relationship." She left to do a trial separation where her inner teenage **** fully came out and she's screwing her 6th guy in 4 months. 

The idea of being single and dating again does not sound appealing to me at all. AT ALL. But I'm slowly coming to terms that that is the path I have to go down. I'm starting by working out more, eating better and trying to make myself a better man overall. Curious, what things are you doing for yourself?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Congratulations! 

Enjoy the restart to your life as you ebmrace rebuilding your life minus the WS.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

@ NewYearNewMe . I am trying to 1st and foremost to learn what my flaws are (like typing) and just trying to grow from all of this. 

I also am still going to the local gym (3 to 4 times a week) and am in the best shape of my life, down from 230ish to 170. I am not doing it to look good, but because if helped me when I did not want to think about things....still does. 

Sound like you are doing all those these things as well. I am also participating at several local charity groups, taking violin lessons and just trying to get out there and live. As being a introvert by nature .... not the easiest thing. But I have survived so far


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## NewYearNewMe (Jan 7, 2014)

RNS, we sound a lot alike!

I'm currently at 230, down 15 lbs from 4 months ago when she moved out. I too am trying to figure out my flaws and my role in how this thing fell apart. I'm also an introvert and suffer from Mr. Nice Guy Syndrome. 

That's awesome you've dropped that much weight. How long did it take you to lose the weight and what was your plan for losing it?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

"Good" news RNS. Link your new thread when you start it. Some of us follow our former charges goings on after the drama ends.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

@NewYearNewMe - After I caught my ex WW at the OM's place and D-Day 2 sort of kind of  I simply started walking/jogging. Al ot. As I went all Forest Gump, I started walking to work both ways, (and during lunch also) I lost all interest in food (which was helpful  ) and walked/jogged a additional 6 + miles on top of that. At some point, maybe three weeks later I joined a gym going four to five ties a week. That went on for a good three/four months. I am now maintaining my weight with going to the gym 3-4 times a week and walking/jogging daily about 6-9 miles. So in all it took about 6-7 months, though to be honest most of it was probably dropped in the first three months. Probably not a healthy rate of loss, but I was a wreck mentally and it helped me cope.  

It also used a diet I got of here (I think in the private section) that did wonders for my eating habits long term. As well as no beer, nor alcoholic beverages at all and no sodas. 

Basically my daily diet is: breakfast of eggs, lunch a nice salad (with added nuts and dried fruit), premixed trail mix from Traders Joe's (the one with out the chocolate  ) as between meal snacks and a nice dinner chicken with vegetables. Drink only water and tea (without sugar). I have been eating this way for around 6-7 months now.

This place has been a a wealth of information in every regard.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

RNS, I feel you. Being single after a long term thing is "weird" feeling. For the first couple of weeks I found myself doing busy things. I took a month off of work to pull my head out of my a**. My line of work you have to be all there. I would tinker in the garage, yard work, worked out heavily, ran 10-12 miles a week. I did counseling, went out with friends family was always trying to set me up with people. Just wasn't interested in that, at that time.
I had my rottie to keep me getting up in the morning, probably saved me from deep depression. Pets have a sense that things are not well with you and react to that. When I went back to work I finally had a sense of who I really was, hard way to learn that. I was also able to realize what I really wanted in a relationship, without confusion of new girl syndrome. 
I know it's hard to be single, but when a door closes, somebody opens a window. Like a breath of fresh air, came this wonderful woman and my life started again. The sky was was never more blue and the birds seemed to chirp louder that day. I just don't no where I would at this moment, what if I said "no" to coffee that day. Yep she called me, wasn't expecting that, nice feeling. 
I guess what I'm trying to say in my ramble, is that good things do happen to good people and the opposite of that is true. Life has a way making things right, to those that have been wronged. Good luck in your new life, myself I'm having the best time of my life.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Welcome to the single side


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Things will be strange for a while.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

Thanks for the tid-bits. I feel like although I official just got a D, I have been living this life for me for a little while. The house is sold, and I have been at my new apartment for about three weeks. 

My son is going to move with me, and he is moving with me to my new job, which starts up in May...probably going to make April a dead month as far as work is concerned.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

I only really have to see her one more time to do our taxes.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

Strange is about right


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

My family and the few friends I do have do not know yet. 

They too would probably be trying to set me up, too soon for me for that. 

Not sure why I have not told them, just have not yet.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

Did anyone else feel guilty... even a little. I know it is the last thing that should be there, but I do feel a little guilty. 

Not enough to go back to her mind you....


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

RNS said:


> Did anyone else feel guilty... even a little. I know it is the last thing that should be there, but I do feel a little guilty.
> 
> Not enough to go back to her mind you....


With a woman like that there is no going back.

Your future for you and your son is in front of you.

Feeling guilty is normal but I think you will soon realize you had no choice.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

I know it..... Just wondering if it normal. I know a lot of things. Sometimes my feelings just do not sync with them.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

RNS said:


> I know it..... Just wondering if it normal. I know a lot of things. Sometimes my feelings just do not sync with them.


Your feelings are normal.

You are normal.

Give it a few weeks and realization will settle in that you and your son can now move on.

Without her.

HM


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

RNS said:


> Did anyone else feel guilty... even a little. I know it is the last thing that should be there, but I do feel a little guilty.
> 
> Not enough to go back to her mind you....


When the divorce was final from my cheating ex wife those many years ago, I didn't feel guilty at all. I felt rage for a very long time that she could do this to me. She was the love of my life. I drowned myself in alcohol and bedded as many women as I could. I can't even remember how many. But I was very young, only 22 back then. I look back at it and realized were just too young to be married at the time (we married when we were both 19).


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

@ Lordmayhen . We also were married way too young. What can you do  

I am not feeling a lot of rage. I think I am slowing coming to terms that things are heading in the right direction for everyone. I do not think I could of ever of made her happy, now she can go live how she wants. 

We shall see.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Being married young is just one factor IMO.

Core values, social conditions and morals play a factor.

My parents have known each other since they were 7. Married at age 20. Married 53 years now.

All of their friends that they grew up with are all still married to people they met in their late teens or early adulthood.

Virtually no divorce.

But they have their core values from that period in time.

Or maybe it was what was put in the Bronx water. 

No matter what I am glad you are in a better place.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Happy man nailed it, my parents married young as well. Dad 23, mom 19. Back in the day when things like that worked. They would have been married 49 years, come June. Eventually everything will stop whipping around as if your drunk. Guilt, h*** no, quite the opposite, I felt liberated. I also had to do the tax thing, no talking no calling everything by email. I didn't want to start any conversation at all except business talk. You are def heading towards a better place. Good luck. Oh yeah talking to the honeys is awkward at first. But let's just say I worked those kinks out quick .


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

RNS said:


> Basically my daily diet is: breakfast of eggs


I just finished using the coolest thing ever invented - a microwave egg poacher. 

RNS, now would be a good time for finding a volunteer opportunity, to help build up your self image (and help someone else).


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## Wideopn Dave (Apr 11, 2013)

I get the rage thing. My rage still simmers but only over the fact that my cheating ex wife brought the POSOM into OUR home to **** him. If she'd gone to a hotel or anywhere else it would still have hurt, the end result would probably be no different but I am sure I would have felt less of a betrayal.

Silly perhaps but to me some things are sacrilege and bringing an affair partner into the marital home is one of them.

I still see the POSOM in and around our town every now and again and it never fails to trigger an almost uncontrollable urge to beat the living **** out of him but that too will pass.

RNS, all the very best for your future. It just gets better and better and you will find someone who truly cares about YOU and won't believe the difference that makes to your self esteem mate.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Wideopn Dave said:


> I get the rage thing. My rage still simmers but only over the fact that my cheating ex wife brought the POSOM into OUR home to **** him. If she'd gone to a hotel or anywhere else it would still have hurt, the end result would probably be no different but I am sure I would have felt less of a betrayal.
> 
> Silly perhaps but to me some things are sacrilege and bringing an affair partner into the marital home is one of them.
> 
> ...


Everytime you trigger, she wins another around. Her only happiness is your unhappiness. Let it go bro.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

RNS said:


> No going to lie...I am a little scared to be single again. My self-image needs a lot of work. I know logically most of this **** is not my fault, I am not to the point where I feel that truth yet. I also worry that maybe I am just not good enough... I am sure all just your standard BS petty worries.


If you managed to get married, do you think its harder to date? What say you?


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

I hear you about the family conditions and moral upbringing. 

Though to be honest, I sort of have a alternative upbringing myself. One crappy childhood....though it did teach me all about sacrificing for others. 

That time has brought me both long terms gifts and struggles.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

@ turnera - I love that thing.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

@ brokeneric - I never really dated. Or not really. It was complicated Everything happened so fast back then. Hell I only ever asked out one girl.....ever  Wish I never went to see that god damn movie  

Also I read about everything that people consider when dating, it sounds like advance physics.


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## RNS (Apr 6, 2013)

@ turnera - I am working with several volunteer organizations (animal rescue and a local historic preservation inattentive). 

I am also helping my son with his start-up business. That has been fun.


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