# Hug and Kiss at end of day drama



## harryjohnson (Apr 15, 2009)

I told her that I think we should hug and kiss at the end of each day because it's been 8-10 hours since we've seen each other. At first it was cool but it felt forced and now we are just back at square one (not doing it at all). When I see her at the end of the day I feel really happy to see her, but I don't feel like it is reciprocated (maybe i'm wrong, it's just what I'm perceiving). Of course to talk about it would mean that I'm overreacting and it's not what I think it is. So....do you guys think it's over the top to want a hug and a kiss?

I would also like to add that we get home we spend about 2 hours getting the kid down and ready for the next day and by the time that is over it's bedtime and rinse-repeat. What do you guys think?


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## harryjohnson (Apr 15, 2009)

Hi mommy22,

Thanks for the reply. Well I think you may be right. We have to get her lunch ready for the next day, bathe, dinner, get our clothes ready for the next day, and then play with her a little bit (and then she's down by 8:00). My wife goes to bed shortly after as she's a special education pre-school teacher and she's physically tired by then. Do you have any advice?

Thanks.


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## KMDillon (Apr 13, 2009)

Sounds like your wife is just exhausted. Is there something you can do for her to make her day easier? A spa treatment is always great if you can't think of anything else but she'd be back to exhausted in a week. Is it an option to hire someone to clean the house (even if it's just once or twice)? Do you ever cook the meals?


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

No one's ever too tired for a quick hug or kiss. Sounds like you do plenty of chores and helping, so I don't imagine your wife isn't hugging and kissing you at the end of the day because of that. I'm a woman, but I hate it that women always jump to the "do more chores" solution. I mean, if you're a chauvenist pig sitting on the couch while she does everything, DEFINITELY do more chores. But, from your original post, that really does not seem to be an issue.

Is she physically affectionate at other times? Is the 'hug/kiss' thing recent or has she always been this way? How DOES she greet you or say goodnight, if not with a hug and a kiss?

Other questions: how's your hygiene? Is it at all possible that you smell or your breath smells? (be honest with yourself, you don't need to tell us). Does the hug and kiss result in you wanting a little bit of something more? Could she be trying to avoid getting sucked into a sexual interaction? How your sex life?


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## KMDillon (Apr 13, 2009)

I apologize, I didn't read the original post. And regardless I never meant to imply you're a chauvinist pig sitting on the couch. I just know how exhausting parenting is and how much it helps my mood/happiness just to have a little bit taken off the load. So sorry if anyone was offended.


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## Unknown (Apr 26, 2009)

I completely understand. My H isn't affectionate...I've never received flowers from him before and it'll take months before I hear a "I love you" or "You're beautiful." I'm usually the one bouncing around and asking for a hug or a kiss and he'll give it to me but not with much affection. It doesn't bother me much...the funny thing is,...weeks later when i don't ask for it, he'll somehow notice it and ask me why I haven't been close to him. Maybe you should just ask for it everyday and if she doesn't give you one, you should give her one....like in my situation, when you stop..that's when they notice and are more grateful for the little things you do.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

harryjohnson-
You are totally right about this.

My wife and I used to have terrible scenes whenever I went away on a business trip and came back. In the end, I read somthing on the internet and the penny dropped: I read that the first 5 to 10 minuets when a spouse comes in the door is crucial. In the end I demanded that *we *went out of our way when I had been away, to be nice to each other. 

I have started doing it to her also. If she goes out shopping, I greet her with a hot cup of tea when she comes home. I like to be greeted with smiles and hugs - her thing is hot tea! So that's what she gets. This brings me on to another theme... you have to speak the other persons language. I have written about this before, so I won't go into huge detail, but in our case, there was a huge difference in one area - birthday presents/gifts.

She likes to get little gifts. But I am simply not interested in material objects. The physical things I like are sex, beaches, and sunbathing. So every year she would ask me what I wanted for my birthday, and would say "nothing", or if I was being cheeky: "You know what I want". Now we have more of an understanding. I get exotic sex, and she gets earrings!

This article really helped me speak my wife's language:
"Ask Dr. Tracy" Love Library

A bit of our story is here:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/3010-20-years-august-married-18-years.html


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## SaxonMan (Apr 1, 2009)

It's not too much to expect a hug and a kiss at the end of the day - in fact every time you greet each other.

I never buy into the excuses about being too tired, or having a bad day. It takes no time at all - and is little enough. To allow external influences to detract from the basic niceties of your relationship is simply self-indulgent and bad manners.


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