# husband left for 2nd time



## nodespair (Jun 4, 2011)

My husband of 4 years leftt tonight for the second time. He says that we are both unhappy and it is best to end it. He refuses to say that he doesn't love me and that's it's over for good. This confuses me even more and only gets my hopes up. The first time he left for 2 weeks nine months ago. He was talking to an ex. We did have alot of disagreements but he handled it completely wrong. I don't know what to do I felt so much despair the first time. I couldn't eat or sleep. He text me to see if I was ok. It doesn't feel as bad as the first time but I think it's bc I have hope. Please help with some insight I feel so lonely, empty, and hopeless.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

hi nodespair -- i am very sorry. 

i think we are on the same situation but i don't want to put a downer on u. last march, my husband left me but he came back after a day.. 2 weeks ago, he left again for the 2nd time, still he isn't back.. and there are still no signs of that happening.. in fact, he is saying NEVER!

_He says that we are both unhappy and it is best to end it._ These are also my hubby's exact words. No divorce talks yet but it all seems so final without the formality.. 

All I can say is you are not alone, there are dozens of us in this site that are actually in the same boat as you. Let's all be strong. It's so difficult, I know, I feel like dying most days.


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## nodespair (Jun 4, 2011)

Thank you so much for replying. 
I left everything for him. I stopped going out with friends and now I feel so alone because for four years it was all about him. The first time was so hard, I am just so scared it will be just like that. What makes it even more difficult is his concern and how he so nicely tells me not to cry and be strong. 
Your right we do need to be strong and realize that one day, hopefully sooner than later we will be able to move on.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

Exactly like mine, the last 4 year of being together is just about the 2 of us. No kids and we were moving from 1 city/country to another.. But it was just the 2 of us..

Now that he is gone, I feel like I have literally lost a part of my body. He said he wants freedom, but he is actually asking too much.


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## nodespair (Jun 4, 2011)

We have a 3 year old daughter. He really loves her and is a great dad. She will be living with me and visiting him on certain days. Having children makes it so much more difficult. So its good you don't have that to worry about. 
I know what you mean about losing a part of your body. I can't sleep because I miss his warmth. I just wish there was some way to know he was coming back. Also, he left and I am left in this house where everything reminds me of him. It just sucks.
You said he wants freedom, does that mean that he plans on returning? If so did he tell you how much time he wanted?


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

At first he said 4-6 weeks of 'thinking', but I pestered him and I begged and pleaded and now he said he is NEVER coming back... 

I would rather have children with him, because I know we will always be bonded for life at least, in that way.. Even if he doesn't return as my husband, at least we would have to arrange about the kid.. Now, I realise there will come a day when we would just be living on different countries and that's it, I will NEVER see him again.. 

Now, I blame my body for having those 2 miscarriages with him. 

I would be much more optimistic for you, it may be more difficult to move on, but at least there is always a chance of going back together, it may take months or years, but if you really love him, then there is always that chance..


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

nodespair said:


> We have a 3 year old daughter. He really loves her and is a great dad. She will be living with me and visiting him on certain days. Having children makes it so much more difficult. So its good you don't have that to worry about.
> I know what you mean about losing a part of your body. I can't sleep because I miss his warmth. I just wish there was some way to know he was coming back. Also, he left and I am left in this house where everything reminds me of him. It just sucks.
> You said he wants freedom, does that mean that he plans on returning? If so did he tell you how much time he wanted?


I am sorry to hear of your situation. I can identify with your feelings of loneliness and reminders within the house. Perhaps it is not hopeless yet and he may change his mind.


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## Yummy2011 (Jun 1, 2011)

I was with my husband almost 10 years and he has left 3 times and has said he didn't want me a total of 5 times. Like a dummy, I took him back. This time he left and I'm pregnant with a baby we planned. You're not alone I totally understand. But the ball is in your court now. You decide whether he comes back and on what terms. You decide if you want to take the chance of him walking out again. You have more power than you think right now. Remember you control YOU and regardless of what he wants, your heart keeps getting broken. Take your power back hun and be strong!! I know its easier said than done but its not impossible!! Good luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nodespair (Jun 4, 2011)

Yourbabygirl, I know right now you feel like you will never be able to move on but you will. Remember that he chose you and you chose him. There was reason for that. You have many qualities dont forget that you are valuable and you matter. Some one will come along who will say forever to you and really mean it because there are people in the world who will stick by thier partner through everything, that's probably people like us on this site. Don't lose hope but if he really doesn't want to be with you, then let him go and focus on yourself. I know its really hard but eventually the pain will go away maybe not completely but at least enough to go on. 

Yummy2011, I am so sorry to hear that your husband left while you are pregnant. That must be devastating but luckily a love for one's child has the power to help you go on. I appreciate your motivating words. 
Today my husband sent a text letting me know he wanted to come over to see "me and my daughter" he said yesterday it was to get more stuff. This confuses me so much, I told him our daughter would be sleeping because he gets out of work late and he asked if we can get coffee. I don't know what the hell he wants from me, he still wants to act like normal but not live with me? Anyway, I thought of your words and that I SHOULD take control but I was too weak and said yes. So I will be going out for coffee with him. I figured we can talk. Any advice?

Bigtoe,thank you for your reply. Your right about there being hope but I hope he isn't just playing games. I wanted my marriage to last forever and it wasn't necessary for him to leave but I guess not all people are as committed to marriage as some of us.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

nodespair said:


> Bigtoe,thank you for your reply. Your right about there being hope but I hope he isn't just playing games. I wanted my marriage to last forever and it wasn't necessary for him to leave but I guess not all people are as committed to marriage as some of us.


Unfortunate, but true. The only reason I see hope is that you said he "refuses" to say he doesn't love you or that the separation will be permanent. Sounds like he's struggling himself and that could lead to him realizing he wants to come back. I'm not trying to give you false hope, just trying to look at it logically.


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## nodespair (Jun 4, 2011)

It has been a week and he is still gone.
I have seen him often because he comes to see our daughter.
He acts normal he is even affectionate. This time has been a lot easier than the first, maybe because I know he is not cheating (at least I think I know, I was clueless the first time!) and he calls often to ask "if we are ok or need anything?"
I've asked him what he wants and his answer is always I don't know. Sometimes I ask him "you're never coming back right?" and he responds with "don't say that" I know all this might be bad for me by getting my hopes up but I think it's what's making it easier. I try to go out with my family on my days off and have fun. I am trying to motivate myself to work more on myself but I just can't get there. 
What was your motivation to better yourselves? What was it that made you feel like it was time to focus on you? In need of some motivation!


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