# soon to be ex wife says women are demoralized when providing oral stimulation



## underdog (Oct 14, 2012)

checking for various views/opinions on the topic.

I have been married going on approximately 19 years. The wife just up and stopped providing pleasure in the oral department even though I have no problem pleasing her.

She stopped doing the deed about a year and 1/2 ago. Shortly after my birthday was my last time to experience the subject matter at hand. 

I am slightly suspicious that the reason she gave is just to cater to my ego and quiet me. I am suspicious because about a month later, in April, she starting talking about divorce. She then filed for divorce in Sept. 2011.

She stated that no woman should be asked to do such a thing, she has talked to other women in her life that claim they have never done the oral experience to a male. She said she can't stand the feeling or the texture of the end result of a happy ending. Also complained about the taste.

So, ladies - is it really a big deal?

Do you make a sacrifice and truly not enjoy the idea of pleasuring a man?

or

is it possible she found someone else and has made reservations for his party to have only?

or ....is their a third option I'm not aware of?

Thanks


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I don't care for the taste (bitter), but I still love giving my husband oral. Your wife is taking the comments of a few she knows...it isn't how ALL women feel. She can't speak for the entire female population when saying it is demoralizing. This may be how SHE feels about it, but not ALL of us feel that way.


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

She knows married women who have never performed oral? Who the hell married them? I like it depending on how enthusiastic he is about it. If he's just laying there then its not worth it to me. 

She's just feeding you excuses. Sounds like she had checked out once she started refusing you. Is it a big deal to me? Not really. If you're putting in as much effort as i am... I don't mind at all 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Sorry. My spouse seems to enjoy it a great deal. It's her favorite form of foreplay. Your wife is selective and self serving in her friends, it seems.

She's divorcing you? Good for her. Maybe you can do some comparision shopping to determine how many other women feel that way (You'll be pleasantly surprised, I think)

Might I suggest that hygeine is CRITICALLY important down there.


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## KnK (Oct 15, 2012)

I give my husband oral sex but I actually do not like the feeling , taste etc. but I do however love the feeling I get knowing I am pleasuring him. He has never asked for it though. We talk about these things and he knows if I want to I will and if I don't I want so there is never a need to bring it up. It doesn't happen a lot but I do think it is selfish to receive and not give


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I am not a woman but I wiould put down a large bet and say the next guys she dates she will give Oral to without even thinking about it because she will be trying to keep him. 
If you ever meet the new guy after your divorce warn him about the future[lol].


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

My wife does it regularly, without being asked, and frequently orgasms while doing so. She's quite happy to finish that way, or to move on to something else from there.

She tells me how much she enjoys it, and genuinely seems to. And likes seeing herself in the mirror doing it. She's looked up techniques on how to do it, to improve (although I think she's great anyway.)

So, I'm sure it's not all women. Women are different. Some like to, some don't.

(Very glad mine does ... I'm very lucky.)


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Rags said:


> My wife does it regularly, without being asked, and frequently orgasms while doing so. She's quite happy to finish that way, or to move on to something else from there.
> 
> She tells me how much she enjoys it, and genuinely seems to. And likes seeing herself in the mirror doing it. She's looked up techniques on how to do it, to improve (although I think she's great anyway.)
> 
> ...


ding ding ding you gotta winner there boy!!!!! Mine is the same way. She cares a lot about my pleasure and I hers.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

When I was younger (teenage years), the so-called 'good girls' would blow guys instead of banging them to not lose their virginity or screw someone they just started dating. So t wasn't viewed as a bad act, but almost a god one, in a weird (but good for us) way.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> When I was younger (teenage years), the so-called 'good girls' would blow guys instead of banging them to not lose their virginity or screw someone they just started dating. So t wasn't viewed as a bad act, but almost a god one, in a weird (but good for us) way.


Technical virgins. Never had a man but could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Which sort of misses the point of virginity.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

I really don't think it does. I personally enjoy oral and love how it makes my partner feel. I think its all attitude whether its a submissive or dominant act, not that there is anything wrong with either.


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## AsTheStoryGoes (Oct 10, 2012)

Before I gained some experience in that department, I was unsure about it and thought it was a little demoralizing..but I was new at it and just opening the door. I started enjoying it once I became more comfortable doing it, more experienced, and received praise.  Now i love it! It feels great to give that kind of pleasure to my husband, and for him to let me know how much he loves it. If he acted like it wasn't a big deal, I wouldn't like doing it as much. But his reaction is what I most love.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If she were really into her partner, she'd be on her knees more often than a confessing priest.


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

I wouldnt trust her. I read somewhere recently and it makes perfect sense, oral sex is the biggest form of submission. Even the "goody two shoes" women will do it or women who have never tried. If your partner isnt willing to perform that on you then I'd let the divorce go through. Shes not 100% about you.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

KnK said:


> I give my husband oral sex but I actually do not like the feeling , taste etc. but I do however love the feeling I get knowing I am pleasuring him. He has never asked for it though. We talk about these things and he knows if I want to I will and if I don't I want so there is never a need to bring it up. It doesn't happen a lot but I do think it is selfish to receive and not give


How does this work out for you (as a couple)? Me and my fiancee have the same deal essentially, however frequency is a problem for me as it's something I'd like to get once a month, give or take, while she 'offers' maybe twice a year, if that, and have gone a year without at a time. Are you more compatible in terms of your desire to offer it versus his desire for it?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Who in the world are these "friends"?? I dont know a woman who DOESNT do it! Geez...

There is more going on here with her than she is saying, I am in agreement with letting the divorce go through as well. Obviously she has become very selfish, or has moved on to giving it to someone else. Do yourself a favor and let her go.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

underdog said:


> She stated that no woman should be asked to do such a thing, she has talked to other women in her life that claim they have never done the oral experience to a male. She said she can't stand the feeling or the texture of the end result of a happy ending. Also complained about the taste.
> 
> So, ladies - is it really a big deal?


While it's common for women to dislike the taste of semen, your wife is lying to you. She didn't want to do you anymore.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/images/SexualBehaviorPIc.jpg


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I think as much as we hear from many women how it is not a a big deal there are others (mostly silent after a while) that have been conditioned to believe it to be gross, demeaning, or to badgirl/pornish. 

I grew up in a medium size town that where the people were closed minded and mostly catholic. All of the local women i dated when i was younger viewed Oral (or doing it to completion) as a no go. Now keep in mind this was before the internet when women learned about what was right/wrong and acceptable from home, church and friends. It was not until moved and traveled and began to realize this attitude was not at all true for all women. 

While i cannot say i was with enough women to do an experiment...I did find women of asian or latin backgrounds were more likely to be open to Oral (to completion andor as happy/ending to sex) and anal than other women. To me this confirmed the fact that these acts are not gross/uncompfortable in and of themselves but, rather that they are viewed this way because of the way women are brought up to feel about these things. To reiterate, if semen or having a D($k in your mouth or your butt were inherently uncomfortable or yucky then it would not matter where the women were from or their background. The fact that these factors DO impact these views suggests that....I digress.

To the original poster it sounds like there is more going on here than a lack of BJs. Your wife sounds like a pain and you are better off without her.


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## KnK (Oct 15, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> How does this work out for you (as a couple)? Me and my fiancee have the same deal essentially, however frequency is a problem for me as it's something I'd like to get once a month, give or take, while she 'offers' maybe twice a year, if that, and have gone a year without at a time. Are you more compatible in terms of your desire to offer it versus his desire for it?


With us it isn't exactly a deal of you get this and I get this at certain times. We just do what we want when we want. He enjoys performing oral sex on me and receives pleasure from my pleasure. For me I am not to enthused with giving but of course I do but I am not pressured to. There is no set time that I give that to him , although I know it is way more frequently that once a year, it's more like once every two or three months. He respects me and I him that's all it takes for us.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

sounds alien to me.
I have never asked my wife or any woman before her for oral.

Saturday evening while I was dressing to leave home she looked at me in my jeans, no shirt on, looked into my eyes, smiled , sat on the bed and began to unbuckle & unzip.

During our years together she has NEVER complained, and has always initiated.
There is no " deal " stating frequency etc.
She just does it, and I never ask.
The only " discussion " we have ever had on it was when she asked me if I liked how she did it and how much I liked it.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I don't need to be *asked* to blow my man...well not twice anyway. 

I love it. He seems to as well 

I don't find it demoralizing in any way shape or form.

Demoralizing would be if my man wasn't into me or enjoying sex in its many fun ways.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

waiwera said:


> I don't need to be *asked* to blow my man...well not twice anyway.
> 
> I love it. He seems to as well
> 
> ...


I applaud you waiwera  you and my wife has the same attitude when it comes to giving head ........ i sometimes think that my wife prefers it to having actual intercourse ahem ahem ???

Sad that some women may find it demoralizing or not enjoy but like its nice to know that there are women out there who sincerly enjoys this :smthumbup:


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Folks who don't want to serve should stay single and guard their precious self-esteem 24 hrs a day. Marriage is service. Parenthood is service. If service to those you allegedly love is demeaning, stay single.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

TrustInUs said:


> for a while I did think oral sex was something "good girls" didn't do. When I was younger you were seen as fast/loose or something degrading that porn stars did. Those of us who still did it didn't really talk about it openly. I still did it but couldn't fully enjoy it. once I got married I sort of had to rewire my brain about sex and now enjoy it with my husband. For me and others like me it stems from cultural/religious background and what we were taught about sex at home. It's crazy how so much can affect our attitudes towards sex into adulthood and marriage..


I think that oral sex (both ways) is something of an acquired taste, literally and culturally. And depending on how it is requested, it might be considered demoralizing. If it was something where the woman was used like a piece of meat and never reciprocated, or if it was demanded or came to be something to which someone felt entitled, it might seem a bit like one or another party was being used or taken advantage of. 

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE oral. I love giving and getting. I only wish my wife would let me give. (she says she never comes that way and wouldn't even let me try… sigh)

Anyhow… Physically, at first glance, it might seem that it's a pretty gross thing to do. Put my mouth where? Don't you p** out of that thing, etc, etc.

It's one of those things you have to have heard about others doing, understood why they did it, etc. Outside of locker room gossip and pornography, oral sex wasn't really talked about at ALL when I learned about sex as a kid. Nobody brought it up. I heard about "bl** jo**s" and had only an inkling about what it might have been. The first time I had one was a complete surprise by a high school girlfriend who didn't say anything before she dove down on it, when I came I really didn't even know what was happening. Eventually we experimented with all the oral flavors, anal, and yes, all this was discussed among friends.

Imagine if you were raised in a culture where it was NEVER discussed, or it was described as a "bad thing." What if you were raised that you were dirty "down there," and that it was "icky" to touch such things. In such an environment things like foreplay, oral, or anal would be something that might literally turn your stomach to experience.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

underdog said:


> checking for various views/opinions on the topic.
> 
> I have been married going on approximately 19 years. The wife just up and stopped providing pleasure in the oral department even though I have no problem pleasing her.
> 
> ...


So she was doing it for years, then stopped because she said it was demoralising. That is not to do with giving oral, that is to do with her checking out.

I love giving my SO BJ's, I look forward to it and actually like his taste. My desire to do it, learn more about what he likes and to finish with swallowing is directly related to how much I am into him. 
No it is not demoralising, why would it be? We can have a session that is all about oral, usually me receiving first then it is his turn, then we fall asleep blissfully 
I find it makes me feel even closer to him, I see oral as letting go and trusting your partner, you really are in their hands and their enthusiasm to please you shows.

Demoralising, no way. Empowering and relationship building, yes.


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## exhaustedwife (Oct 15, 2012)

I think it's a personal choice as the whether one likes it or not, but I don't feel like it should be the reason to end a marriage. 

I don't particularly enjoy doing it. My hubby claims he loves giving oral to me. He knows I don't enjoy it, but i do it anyway, because I love him and want to please him. . . .I don't do it as often as he does, but I know he has his needs too. . .And, I am happy to do it.


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## lawlessolpharte (Oct 13, 2012)

In the for what it is worth dept.

Solomons Song of Songs 2:3 Like aan apple tree anong the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men, I delight to sit in his shade and his fruit is sweet to my taste.

2:16 My lover is mine and I am his; he browses anong the lilies.

Seems to me this makes oral very biblical. Song of songs is very interesting if you read it with the idea it is about sex.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> How does this work out for you (as a couple)? Me and my fiancee have the same deal essentially, however frequency is a problem for me as it's something I'd like to get once a month, give or take, while she 'offers' maybe twice a year, if that, and have gone a year without at a time. Are you more compatible in terms of your desire to offer it versus his desire for it?


:scratchhead::scratchhead:

Since it's the standard element of foreplay, how on earth can you have this not every time??

No foreplay??

edit: Maybe not so standard I'm afraid, sorry if I offend you.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I had a female freind in college years ago that said she would tells guys that she dated and only liked some that she would not F but she would give them a BJ.


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## Skyye (Oct 16, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> I am not a woman but I wiould put down a large bet and say the next guys she dates she will give Oral to without even thinking about it because she will be trying to keep him.
> If you ever meet the new guy after your divorce warn him about the future[lol].


You did read that she has been doing this for 18 years, give her a break, obviously there is a break down in the marriage and she is filing for divorce, I am sure oral is the last thing on her mind. So he is supposed to warn the next guy "be careful, she will only give you a bj for the first 18 years" lol That comment is to Dubbizle tho. 

I am sorry to hear you are going thru this tho underdog! It sounds like she is just scrambling for excuses as she is feeling guilty of thinking about divorce and trying to find "flaws" I guess.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Skyye-I don't care how many years its has been,when she finds another guy that she is intrested in she will give him oral because she will be afraid if she does not he will not stay with her.
You just read boards like this to learn,once a partner comes claen after an affair the other partner finds out they did things to the new person that they did not do before.


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## Skyye (Oct 16, 2012)

dubbizle said:


> Skyye-I don't care how many years its has been,when she finds another guy that she is intrested in she will give him oral because she will be afraid if she does not he will not stay with her.
> You just read boards like this to learn,once a partner comes claen after an affair the other partner finds out they did things to the new person that they did not do before.


I won't comment after this one as it isn't helping Underdog, but...WHAT? She will give oral just to keep any guy? I think if she truly found it degrading she might have mentioned it in the first 18 years dont ya think? Anyway, it's late and I am probably sounding sarcastic. That will be my last response to Dubbizle.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Skyye-Just read the boards on here or others and you hear the same thing,won't do it with me but did it with the other person.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

dubbizle said:


> I had a female freind in college years ago that said she would tells guys that she dated and only liked some that she would not F but she would give them a BJ.


me too. I had a girlfriend who would eagerly do a fantastic BJ or amazing anal, but would never make love. Very interesting, I didn't ponder too long then, but it has perplexed me for over 40 years. I usually end up writing it off as some form of religious boundary setting (she was catholic).


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

it is interesting how people see this. 

Not all women think it's demoralizing; some rather enjoy doing it! 

Some women think a BJ is more intimate than having sex and vice versa. All depends on the woman.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> it is interesting how people see this.
> 
> Not all women think it's demoralizing; some rather enjoy doing it!
> 
> Some women think a BJ is more intimate than having sex and vice versa. All depends on the woman.


For my wife giving me a BJ is a " prerequisite " prior to making love .......... it's what gets her " going " so who am i to complain  ????


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sounds like you are a lucky man, Joe


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Sounds like you are a lucky man, Joe


I'm BLESSED ....... and that's why i go to Mass every Sunday  !!! Thank you Jelly !


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lol about mass!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I love giving it clear to the end and beyond. 

Not cool that she's been doing it for 17 years then refuses for the next two - you can't renegotiate a contract after you sign it.

As for the women who aren't doing it - they sure can't expect it in return and they probably don't have a very good sex life or marriage. There's evidence of that all over this website.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

See_Listen_Love said:


> :scratchhead::scratchhead:
> 
> Since it's the standard element of foreplay, how on earth can you have this not every time??
> 
> ...


I get a BJ to completion about 2-4 times a year, though I have gone as much as a year without one. That's in my current relationship, and that's a MASSIVE improvement over my marriage, where in 10 years she wandered down south of the belt line three times total, and only once was to completion.

In my current relationship, if she goes down on me, it's most often to completion. She rarely goes down there just to tease me or even go at it for a few minutes as foreplay. I bet if I could recall the number of times in our five years together that she has gone down on me just as foreplay (not to make me orgasm) I'd be able to count them all on one hand.

While I do get more oral now than I did in my marriage, I'll admit it bothers me a lot more now than it did in my marriage too. While I think it has something to do with the fact I actually like the woman I'm with now (I love her, but I didn't even like my ex-wife for a good chunk of the last half of our marriage), I also think I feel like she baited and switched on me in regards to oral. When we first started dating, she'd go down on me so often, I'd be pulling her back up because I wanted to have sex, not just get a BJ. I remember getting three BJ's in one week and thinking I was in heaven. Now, I'm doing decent if I can get three in a year, and usually those come after we have a 'talk; about the issue. It always picks up for a bit after we have a 'talk', like she is doing it to show that yes, she will still do it. 

We had a talk about it about a year ago, and that was right after the longest stretch without one, a full year. She said she didn't mind doing them, just she didn't like to be asked to do them. Frankly, I don't want to ask. I hate asking for anything sexual related. Problem is, she rarely/almost never offers either, thus we have 'talks' about the issue.

So long story short, to answer your question, no, oral is not a standard part of foreplay for me. I wish it was. Heck, even if it wasn't, I just wish I could get more frequent random acts of oral pleasure from her. I know it's been about four months since the last one, and as such another 'talk' is coming down the line. I'm starting to get frustrated and also some apathy towards the issue, and sex as a whole, and I know that's not good. Problem is, i don't really see a solution at this point either. COmmunication is the key, but at this point I'm communicated out. She knows how I feel about it, and it's just not something she wants to do. I don't have any anger towards her, though as I said I do feel a bit baited and switched, but it is an issue which is causing problems between us.

I'm happy for you See_Love_Listen that oral is such a key part of your sex life and no, you didn't offend me. I hope you never lose it and that you always enjoy it.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

I don't think it's "demoralizing" if BOTH partners do oral for each other. I do think it would be demoralizing if a man expected his wife to give him a BJ while refusing to go down on her (or vice versa). 

My husband has not interest in going down on me. If he wanted a BJ, I would expect him to return the favor. However, I'm okay with no oral. We both are. 

I'm not sure how I would feel if I really wanted him to perform oral on me. While I might be open to it, I wouldn't want him to do something that is disgusting to him. As a result, I've never pursued the issue even in my mind. 

So while I don't think it's demeaning if it is something BOTH partners want to do, I do think it can be a bit controlling/demeaning to pressure a partner into something he/she does not feel comfortable with. If oral was part of a dating experience/early marriage, I don't necessarily think it is fair to suddenly decide that it is demeaning or disgusting. That seems to reek of "bait and switch" in my opinion.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

underdog said:


> checking for various views/opinions on the topic.
> 
> I have been married going on approximately 19 years. The wife just up and stopped providing pleasure in the oral department even though I have no problem pleasing her.
> 
> ...


A big deal to give my husband oral sex? No way. It's not something I'm always 100% into, but I enjoy making him happy and pleasing him. To go so far as to say it's "demoralizing" is a massive misconception and misrepresentation of the act. Oral sex is only demoralizing to women when they forced to either accept it when they don't want it, or are forced to give it when they don't want to. But being "asked", is your wife put it, is not a crime. In fact, it's a GOOD thing for a husband to desire his wife in that way. 

I've talked to a few women on the subject, and most of them don't really understand the concept of oral sex either. They think it's gross. And, until I experienced it for the first time, I thought it was too. But it's _not_, and never has been. So long as my husband bathes and keeps himself clean and healthy, there is no issue for me whatsoever. And even if I didn't enjoy it, I _love_ receiving oral sex, and it would be utter selfishness to get and not give back. 



> Do you make a sacrifice and truly not enjoy the idea of pleasuring a man?


It's no sacrifice, in my opinion. And there are few things that I enjoy more than pleasuring my man.



> or
> 
> is it possible she found someone else and has made reservations for his party to have only?
> 
> ...


Some women, as I have experienced, don't understand the idea of oral sex. They assume that their vagina is enough, and refuse to even contemplate the action. Now, I don't believe that oral sex is a must in marriage. I believe that each couple should decide for themselves where their boundaries lie. But I do believe that women should at least try it first before they completely exclude it. And if the husband doesn't get it, I don't think the woman should either.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> So long story short, to answer your question, no, oral is not a standard part of foreplay for me. I wish it was. Heck, even if it wasn't, I just wish I could get more frequent random acts of oral pleasure from her. I know it's been about four months since the last one, and as such another 'talk' is coming down the line. I'm starting to get frustrated and also some apathy towards the issue, and sex as a whole, and I know that's not good. Problem is, i don't really see a solution at this point either. COmmunication is the key, but at this point I'm communicated out. She knows how I feel about it, and it's just not something she wants to do. I don't have any anger towards her, though as I said I do feel a bit baited and switched, but it is an issue which is causing problems between us.
> 
> I'm happy for you See_Love_Listen that oral is such a key part of your sex life and no, you didn't offend me. I hope you never lose it and that you always enjoy it.


I have good news for you, we saw the 'Hope Springs' yesterday and this is a really fantastic movie. Go see it with you partner. The message in it is clear to all women: learn how to give a BJ to make your man happy. 

After the movie: get to talk about it...subtle of course, but keep her thinking...

Edit: 'The message in it' refers to a small part of the movie that is relevant to the OP's issue. The movies in about much more than that ofcourse.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Better:

Buy the DVD as soon as available....


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## TheMonogamista (Oct 5, 2012)

That seems strange. I can't even imagine my marriage without going down on my husband. It's something I enjoy and always have. 

Occasionally, very, very, occasionally, if I am going through a period where I feel like I am being taken for granted--in any area of our relationship whether sexual or domestic-- I question whether I should keep giving him that experience. But, I enjoy it so much, that I'm never able to withhold. It's just too much fun. I love the power I have over him. I love directing his pleasure. It's such a good feeling. Sex would feel so flat without it.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

So I guess we as men are demoralized as well when we give oral to them.

I think either she is loosing her mind or she had other hurtful intentions for saying that. What a moron she is - forgive for saying that.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

A blow job is demoralizing to women! If anything it shows that they have massive power! If my wife ever gave me a first rate BJ, she could have my credit cards for a shopping spree, my car, she would be able to get me to clean out the gutters, clean out the garage, do the dishes.........


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## dgtal (Jun 11, 2010)

underdog said:


> checking for various views/opinions on the topic.
> 
> ... I am suspicious because about a month later, in April, she starting talking about divorce. She then filed for divorce in Sept. 2011.
> 
> ...


What I dont understand is this part. Why the divorce? Are you sure she is not having an Affair?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Why even care how she feels? You are getting divorced. She has decided against you (either for another guy or just to be alone). You are consequently free to find someone else.

Just know that she just might be trying to hurt you. Sometimes people getting divorced are childish and angry. Consequently, they say stupid stuff like that to try and hurt you (and apparently it's working).

If you show weakness or signs of being troubled, you are just egging her on.


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