# STBXW Not attempting to move forward



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Asked for divorce back in January. Still living together as room mates basically, sleeping in separate rooms. We just talk about the kids. We are still friendly and don't have trouble watching tv in the same room or going to dinner with the kids or attending school functions together. We are in a small town and every lawyer here wants $1500 bucks to take care of our uncontested divorce. (it's like they all got together and fixed the price lol) Anyways, until we can afford to file she was supposed to start looking for a full time job about an hour away where the kids go to school. We both want out of our little town. But she has only gone to one job interview in the past 5 months and then told me the other day that her part time job was thinking of moving her to full time but that's keeping her where she is instead of where she is supposed to be going. The stagnation is killing me. I'm just the type of person that I might take forever to decide to do something but when I do I want to get it done. There's no chance at reconciling, that we both agree on. She just doesn't seem to be trying at all and is content to be where she is. I was out this weekend by myself and running into lots of situations where I could have talked to a girl but I kept stopping myself because what am I going to tell her? "Yeah, we're separated but we still live together so you and I couldn't really go out on a date or talk on the phone or exchange text messages while I'm around her or the kids but other than that we should be able to have a great time!" lol

Ok, there's probably not much of a question in there so this might just get filed under the rant category...


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If she hasn't got a job where is she getting money? Cut off that. Have you tried an online lawyer?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Shaggy said:


> If she hasn't got a job where is she getting money? Cut off that. Have you tried an online lawyer?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We still share everything. She has a part time job that earns her about $900 a month. Other than that she uses her moms money with permission. Both our checks go into the same account and all the bills get paid from there. I've looked at legalzoom, etc but I'm not comfortable that I'd be getting the same service for our particular situation as I would by having someone to talk to face to face and that knows the judges and what to expect from them. Plus, $1500 really isn't that bad since that includes filing, paperwork, amendments, etc and showing up in court.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

My lawyer will be 4100 for the retainer... My stbxh says this will be an uncontested divorce and wants to do it via divorcewriter.com or something like that (cheap) but I won't be doing that.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

I just sent her a text this morning asking when she was going to get her own checking account set up and she asked how much she could put in it. I said just to do the minimum. The point I told her was to be making an effort. Then she asked how much child support I planned on giving her each month and I said none as long as you and the kids are still living here with me. That doesn't make sense to pay child support and then support the whole family on top of that.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

You are correct. If you are living under the same roof and there is no custody order in place, then you don't owe child support. I would also demand 50/50 parenting time with no child support either way. If you two can settle out of court and come to an agreement, then a paralegal should be able to draft up your separation agreement and then you file with the court. Not sure of what your state is but that is how it works here in VA.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why are you getting divorced?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Married in VA said:


> You are correct. If you are living under the same roof and there is no custody order in place, then you don't owe child support. I would also demand 50/50 parenting time with no child support either way. If you two can settle out of court and come to an agreement, then a paralegal should be able to draft up your separation agreement and then you file with the court. Not sure of what your state is but that is how it works here in VA.


We've already agreed on 50/50 parenting time. Right now since we all live together of course we both parent 100%. But here in texas as I understand it even with 50/50 parenting time if one spouse earns significantly more than the other you still have to pay. That's my case. She's part time at $900 a month and I'm full time in the $7K a month category. Either way, she's bugging me right now about me having to pay a bunch if she can't find a job. I've told her before that she has to get a job first, then we settle on payments. I'm not getting locked into the max only to have her get a full time job immediately and not need as much. I know I have a responsibility to pay. That's not the issue. My issue has always been how much considering the 50/50 split and every time it comes down to her getting a full time job which she isn't trying to do.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Shaggy said:


> Why are you getting divorced?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Insupportability of the relationship.

No cheating, no drugs, no incarceration, no abuse. We just fell apart. We got married too early before we really knew what we wanted in a partner and she doesn't fit what I want and she doesn't want me if I don't want her. Yes, we tried counseling. No, it didn't work.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Otter,

We've spoken before.

How many agreements has she kept in the past?

Uh-huh

What were you expecting?


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Conrad said:


> Otter,
> 
> We've spoken before.
> 
> ...


LOL....good point. She's dug into this life of contentment even with the divorce hanging over her head like a tick on a bloodhound. She has no incentive to move forward because it means she has to get a full time job and has to say goodbye to long naps every afternoon and facebook all night while I bathe and put kids to bed...Right now she's mildly threatening that even if she doesn't get a job when she moves then I'm gonna be paying everything that she has a legal right to. I'm not trying to kick her to the curb penniless and then expect her to support kids half the time. I want what's fair also.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She sounds like leech. Be careful


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

one_strange_otter said:


> Insupportability of the relationship.
> 
> No cheating, no drugs, no incarceration, no abuse. We just fell apart. We got married too early before we really knew what we wanted in a partner and she doesn't fit what I want and she doesn't want me if I don't want her. Yes, we tried counseling. No, it didn't work.


I wish this was the case for me, I'm sure others will agree as well.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

keko said:


> I wish this was the case for me, I'm sure others will agree as well.


I know every time I tell someone I'm getting divorced they have this shocked look crossed with sorrow and pain like they just watched somebody get hit by a bus. It's hard to explain that even though I'm the one asking that she isn't fighting it and we are able to maintain a relationship that at least lets us be amicable and friendly. For the majority of the cases I'm aware that "I want a divorce" is immediately followed by "Get your a** outta my house!" lol Just not the case here.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

one_strange_otter said:


> I know every time I tell someone I'm getting divorced they have this shocked look crossed with sorrow and pain like they just watched somebody get hit by a bus. It's hard to explain that even though I'm the one asking that she isn't fighting it and we are able to maintain a relationship that at least lets us be amicable and friendly. For the majority of the cases I'm aware that "I want a divorce" is immediately followed by "Get your a** outta my house!" lol Just not the case here.


Otter here is the child support calculator from the state of texas for one child its 20 % of your net earned income minus health care costs http://www.co.travis.tx.us/records_communication/law_library/pdfs/calculator.pdf

exactly how much does she expect that you will pay ?? 

I would say that she is cake eating and taking her time no incentive to get off the Otter Gravy train you should maybe bring one of her gfs home or something lol


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

In_The_Wind said:


> Otter here is the child support calculator from the state of texas for one child its 20 % of your net earned income minus health care costs http://www.co.travis.tx.us/records_communication/law_library/pdfs/calculator.pdf
> 
> exactly how much does she expect that you will pay ??
> 
> I would say that she is cake eating and taking her time no incentive to get off the Otter Gravy train you should maybe bring one of her gfs home or something lol


Yeah, I've looked at the standard calculator but it's a baseline figure that is for the person that gets the non-custodial end of the parenting time. Since we are going to split 50/50 then if we made even close to the same income there wouldn't be any support to argue about. But since our incomes are heavily lopsided then I have to equalize it with support. The amount is generally determined that way by finding the difference of what she would pay versus what I would pay if either had sole custody. The difference goes to the person making less. In that scenario I'm into her for $1800 a month (which I think is the max regardless) if she's working part time at her current salary. If she gets a full time job then that would get knocked down to $900 minus daycare which would drop me down to about $650. I want to be clear that I'm not trying to get out of paying. I just want what's fair like she does. I'm gonna flat out ask her today what she expects in payments and go from there.

And she definitely is riding the gravy train....but it's about to start leaving the station....and she ain't got a ticket...


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

I asked how much she reasonably expected to get from me each month. Almost immediately "900 each paycheck". Says that's what she can legally request. I asked if that was with her working full time or part time. She said it doesn't matter. I shot back that it's different if you don't have sole physical custody. She hasn't responded.


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## J'Accused (May 12, 2012)

Very sorry to hear your situation Otter, I am currently going through a very nasty divorce, and i fortunately discoved that my wife was posting on this website, we have been married 14 years and been together for 20. Unlike your situation i am passionately still in love with my wife but the feeling is not mutual. I will pray for you and hope you find happiness, good men deserve it.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I feel for you, in a similar situation myself... want to do the right thing; part-time working wife keeping her whole while we live amicably as co-parents, but not as husband and wife except legally. 
Except (1) she cheated, and (2) we've agreed my son is best with her as primary custody parent (child needs). So my child support will be a fixed amount, regardless of her income. 

The only question then is "maintenance" - how much, and for how long. Mediation lawyer will be using an "imputed income" to define an amount -- ie, how much can we expect her to be making. In NY, a formula that takes 1/2 higher income (mine) less 20% of the lower income (hers), to define a split. Whether she is making it or not, makes more or not, that's the number we'll use.... don't know if that heps you or not. 

it still galls me that she will actually have a much higher income than I will while working part time, or even a higher income from me if not working at all -- I guess it DOES pay to cheat!


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Otter,
You make 7K per month which by coincidence is what I make. 20% of that figure is 1400$/month which is AWFULLY high for one child. There is NO WAY it costs that much each month to house and feed a child. I would contest this. 1,800$ is definately out of the question. If that was what the "award" was I probably would tell the judge to take me to jail on contempt now because there is no way I would pay that much. That is crazy.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Married in VA said:


> Otter,
> You make 7K per month which by coincidence is what I make. 20% of that figure is 1400$/month which is AWFULLY high for one child. There is NO WAY it costs that much each month to house and feed a child. I would contest this. 1,800$ is definately out of the question. If that was what the "award" was I probably would tell the judge to take me to jail on contempt now because there is no way I would pay that much. That is crazy.


I know a guy - personally - who makes $135k and pays $1065 for TWO kids.

Do not pay $1800 to someone who won't keep their word.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Still stuck with her in the house. I got her upset by asking if she had tried to get a checking account on her own or applied for any full time jobs. She did apply for one but of course it's basically a clerk position that only pays $25K a year. She maintains wanting $1800 a month with comes out to $21K a year. We haven't filed yet because every lawyer in town wants the $1500 up front and even if it's uncontested she wants her own lawyer to help her make sure she gets the money and time she wants. I really feel like telling her to just move in to some $400 duplex until she can find a decent job and afford to actually keep the kids on her own even half the time. She's applying for a teacher certification program but it would be Fall 2013 before she could start teaching and earning a decent wage. Even single it's hard to stretch out $25k a year after taxes....

Oh, and she heard about me wanting to take the kids to a little 2-slide waterpark near my mothers that we all used to go to as a family and decides she wants to go and starts arguing about us still doing things as a family and how it helps the kids yadda yadda....What I do with them on my weekend is my business. If she wants to take them on her weekend then by all means, load them up and go.... But without me there to watch the youngest so she can just float around in the lazy river the idea isn't so appealing all of a sudden.


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