# Fidelity & Technology



## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

I had a general question for everyone. Do you think today's current technology (i.e., cell phones, Facebook, chat rooms, etc) make being faithful more difficult ?


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

YES! Without a doubt. A no brainier. It's just too easy to get access to an AP. My wife would text her AP while she was sitting right next to me on the couch. I was none the wiser. It's just to easy to establish a relationship anymore. Gone are the days of going out to dinner and seeing movies in the early stages of a relationship to learn more about people. Now everyone justs texts constantly or emails. This all can be done while doing the normal things like work. That extended discovery phase of an early relationship is cut 10 fold. You just get to know people faster.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Definitely, even co workers make it difficult. If you do not man up and set the boundaries from the start it will become inappropriate and fast.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

It certainly can increase the possibility for some, sure. Especially social sites like FB. It often starts out innocently with friending someone with some common connection then the private messaging starts and before you know it, an EA developes that can become a PA.

I think there are two primary culprits. Naivete of some women and the predatory nature of some men. Vulture guys will start things off innocently and seem like "great guys". You wife will insist they are just friends (which she very well may believe) and defend the relationship. At some point she may start hiding it from you to avoid the hassle. She may mention something about this to the "friend" and then he's got her exactly where he wants her.

Some guy tried this with my wife. Started nice and innocent until around her birthday when he tried to move it in an inappropriate direction with comments about her "presents".

My wife soon realized what he was really doing and cut him down quick. I was proud.


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## Son of Kong (Jul 12, 2012)

Of course all this social stuff makes it easier there are just so many ways to be in contact with anyone, however with all that comes electronic trails which can be found using certain devices, programs that make it easy to "Spy" on someone help balance the scale.
With all the footprints being left out there being vigilant is still very hard.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

All else equal yes.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Infidelity existed for time immemorial. Latest technical advancements made it easy to reconnect, flirt etc.
People with proper boundaries use technology with wisdom.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

barbados said:


> I had a general question for everyone. Do you think today's current technology (i.e., cell phones, Facebook, chat rooms, etc) make being faithful more difficult ?


Yes, as others have mentioned my spouse was emailing his OW as he lay in bed with me at night. 

He would go out into the garage to text her or call her on his cell on weekends. 

When, I would ask what was so private all of a sudden he would make up some plausible excuse. 

Technology fast tracks the affair and keeps the affair partner looking desirable because there is no time to see their faults prior to getting down to sex. Once they have sex they are heavy into the chemical hormonal fog of new love, a new sex partner.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Paulination said:


> I think there are two primary culprits. Naivete of some women and the predatory nature of some men. Vulture guys will start things off innocently and seem like "great guys". You wife will insist they are just friends (which she very well may believe) and defend the relationship. At some point she may start hiding it from you to avoid the hassle. She may mention something about this to the "friend" and then he's got her exactly where he wants her.
> 
> Some guy tried this with my wife. Started nice and innocent until around her birthday when he tried to move it in an inappropriate direction with comments about her "presents".
> 
> My wife soon realized what he was really doing and cut him down quick. I was proud.


Good points. 

This vulture persona applies to women, too. 

In my case the OW sounds exactly like this man, including the birthday present thing. She was the aggressor, predator.

Sexual predators are both men and women. 

You'r wife had the integrity to say no.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> Infidelity existed for time immemorial. Latest technical advancements made it easy to reconnect, flirt etc.
> People with proper boundaries use technology with wisdom.


Of course, I personally do not have FB or myspace or use any social network or messenger service. I figure if a person wants to express anything it would be better to tell the spouse first, or if its special then a mother/sister would probably suffice to say instead of an EA with opposite sex "friend".


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I do not think folks have adapted to the technology yet. So they do not have proper boundaries in place for the threat. They are thinking in out dated terms. Kinda like having a maginot line. Ineffective for the new threat.

And frankly most people have no concept of boundaries at all. There is little understanding of EAs.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

I used to think that having an affair would take a lot of work. With kids, work, wife, etc. not a lot of time to conduct an affair on top of everything else. Now, however....social media, email access, texts...it's actually quite easy to pull it off. Although a wayward also has to be pretty careful not to get caught. Everything leaves a trail. Those of us here on TAM have got quite an education on catching a wayward spouse. I feel badly for most of the general population who have never been to these pro-marriage sites, and are ignorant when it comes to "signs of a cheating spouse" and methods of gathering evidence.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I do not think folks have adapted to the technology yet. So they do not have proper boundaries in place for the threat. They are thinking in out dated terms. Kinda like having a maginot line. Ineffective for the new threat.
> 
> *And frankly most people have no concept of boundaries at all.* There is little understanding of EAs.


I think that is the case, we have adapted well in using technology for our advantage and most especially for the BS here for the advantages of the WS promiscuity.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I do not think folks have adapted to the technology yet. So they do not have proper boundaries in place for the threat. They are thinking in out dated terms. Kinda like having a maginot line. Ineffective for the new threat.
> 
> And frankly most people have no concept of boundaries at all. There is little understanding of EAs.


Totally agree....especially with EAs....its a fine line easily crossed.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Absolutely it helps!

As I have said before my H would not have been able to continue on with his EA with his overseas AP. THey communicated via him being able to email on both his laptop and his smart phone. Without those two things communication would not have occured. He would not have given her our home phone number and maybe they could have communciated via the written letter but then I check the mail all the time plus you write a letter and time it gets to that person overseas could take weeks.

I think that EA's are probably more common now because of technology than ever before. Like someone said it is a fine line.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> Yes, as others have mentioned my spouse was emailing his OW as he lay in bed with me at night.
> 
> He would go out into the garage to text her or call her on his cell on weekends.
> 
> ...



Exactly my H could email his AP in the same room with me..how would I know. When you have no reason to doubt, little things that now I would be highly sensitive to, mean nothing. Then you look back and think..wow I will never be played again like that. 

HOnestly I think there is alot more cheating whether it be emotional, etc. going on now than ever before. Technology has increased the possibilities. Like I said before used to be to have an affair it would be with someone you met now you can have affairs online and never actually see them in person.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

I totally agree with all the comments thus far. Especially in the cases of EA's. Though obviously its not an excuse (nothing is) but it certainly makes things difficult sometimes.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I do not think folks have adapted to the technology yet. So they do not have proper boundaries in place for the threat. They are thinking in out dated terms. Kinda like having a maginot line. Ineffective for the new threat.
> 
> And frankly most people have no concept of boundaries at all. There is little understanding of EAs.


:iagree: For instance, Facebook. Two years ago when I signed up, I became friends with numerous friends from my past, mostly from high school. There was a lot of "how have you been, tell me about your family, etc." including discussions with women. I soon found myself exchanging many messages with one particular unmarried, attractive woman. I didn't cross any lines regarding sex or complaining about my wife and she didn't pry, but I easily could have. The point is, I was not educated on Emotional Affairs (EAs) and should have had a boundary in place long before we exchanged this many messages. It's so easy to see how catching up with an old friend slides right into infidelity. Now my policy is to conduct myself as if my wife is watching me type any messages I might send. We have access to each other's facebook accounts.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

barbados said:


> I had a general question for everyone. Do you think today's current technology (i.e., cell phones, Facebook, chat rooms, etc) make being faithful more difficult ?


I know it has already been mentioned but technology cuts both ways, while it may speed up the time of an A as well as allow the capacity (i.e. able to text AP while lying next to spouse in bed) to cheat, technology also provides the "informed" to catch the cheater with more evidence much quicker. 

The "fools" and I count myself among them who assume that erasing txt msgs, emails and the like from smart phone or computers hides evidence permanently are greatly deceived. As many know cell phone have become far more common than LAN lines, however it becomes easier then to track our daily movements. Even most bank statements are more than the simple paper trails now with dated and time transactions (can be recorded electronically within the hour). Technology leaves one more vulnerable in their attempts to hide everything... hire the right PI and let me tell you within a day you will have more evidence than you can imagine. Just 10 years ago it would have taken a PI two weeks with far less material gathered. 

So yes technology may facilitate one's cheating ways, but the WS is far less likely to bury evidence and will be easier to track down. So my warning to any WS lurking and reading this thread, don't assume that you can hide from your wayward ways forever. How do I know and why would I say that... I was one of you, a scoundrel, a cheat, and red letter f**k up. My only saving grace is that I was able to R (truly)... and forever grateful to my beautiful and gracious wife (but it she did not make it easy on me).

My penance for the remainder of my life to my last breath is to warn those fools of dipping their toes into any "foreign waters".


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

As others have mentioned and I agree to answer your Question Yes it also makes it more available and easier versus the old way of seek and find missions


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