# having a major crush



## midnightdreams88 (Dec 4, 2012)

I had written a long message but I’ve now cut it down just to keep it straight to the point.
I love my husband and I’ve been with him for 5 years. I see us as lifelong partners.
The problem is he has erectile dysfunction and I’ve been very supportive about it but after 5 years it’s just started to affect my feelings towards sex.
I recently got a message from an old flame and he wasn’t a boyfriend, he was just a great romp and he encapsulates everything about an alpha male. I know I’m not interested in anything but a good time.
When I see him, he gives me butterflies in the stomach and there is real sexual urge pulsating and I can feel my temperature rise.
I know I’m attracted to him because he represents the thing that is missing in my marriage. We kissed recently and for some reason it brought life in my marriage too. Maybe cause I just felt more alive.
Would it be best to just have that one more encounter to get it out of my system and then I can move on or should I just wait out for the sizzle to fizzle. It’s just the desire is so strong that it’s all consuming. I know it’s purely physical but I just want to know if anyone else has had this problem and what did they do?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I see nothing wrong with it as long as you tell your husband first and he says it's OK.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

A lot of people have desires like this. Some act on them and some act like adults and adhere to their vows.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Its ok to do it as many times as you like after the divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

However, a fu*k is never just a fu*k is it? That road, even if your husband says it is ok, is the road to distance and disconnection, and eventually a lack of love.

Can you get your husband to get all down and dirty with you without any erect penis involved? Just a few erect objects, lust, and love?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have 4 choices

1) get husband to agree to an open marriage
2) let the sizzle fizzle and never have any contact with this guy again
3) divorce your husband and have all the encounters you want
4) cheat.. and find out that you have turned into someone you hate and distory your marriage


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What has your husband done to address his ED issues?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Once you cheat, you will ALWAYS be a cheater.

Ask your husband what you should do.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

midnightdreams88 said:


> It’s just the desire is so strong that it’s all consuming. I know it’s purely physical but I just want to know if anyone else has had this problem and what did they do?


The desire isn't "all consuming" that is just what you are letting your own fantasy try to convince you. Also, the guy is no alpha if he has to swoop in on married women, he's doing it because you are making yourself an easy target to him and his character has flaws.

My only advice: work on fixing your marriage or else leave your marriage - an affair is never "just physical" and is hugely significant because your H trusts you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

midnightdreams88 said:


> I had written a long message but I’ve now cut it down just to keep it straight to the point.
> I love my husband and I’ve been with him for 5 years. I see us as lifelong partners.
> The problem is he has erectile dysfunction and I’ve been very supportive about it but after 5 years it’s just started to affect my feelings towards sex.
> I recently got a message from an old flame and he wasn’t a boyfriend, he was just a great romp and he encapsulates everything about an alpha male. I know I’m not interested in anything but a good time.
> ...


Your post is _*still*_ too long. In my job I often have to précis down long reports. I hope you don't mind, but I have decided to do the same with your post:-



> "Hi. My husband can't have penetrative sex due to an erectile dysfunction. I have already cheated on my husband by kissing a man, who does not mind having sex with married women. Do you think I should break my marriage vows, become a cheater and start having sex with this other man? If so, how many times would be acceptable, do you think?"


How does the inner core of your question look to you now, midnightdreams88?


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## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

You may not regret this now...

But down the road you will. As said before, once a cheater, always a cheater. Even though I don't trust my wife worth a damn, she still says she wishes she could go back and do it differently.

The OM dumped her once he saw what was happening to him.(sh!t was getting too uncomfortable and his job was in jeopardy from exposure) You will get wrapped up in this guy, start thinking your husband is a POS and then you will try to leave with this other guy, eventually. Then, he will dump you just like what happened to my wife.

Womanizers are this way. I know because I was one. I just never preyed on married women. Pump and dump. Put a notch in your belt and move on to the next conquest.

You will then try to go back. If he doesn't find out, YOU are good until you conscience eats away at you admit or until you slip up. Then you are done.


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Your post is _*still*_ too long. In my job I often have to précis down long reports. I hope you don't mind, but I have decided to do the same with your post:-
> 
> How does the inner core of your question look to you now, midnightdreams88?


Damn, you're _good_.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

DrMathias said:


> Damn, you're _good_.


Oh, thank you! 

You have made my day, Doc!:smthumbup: Really, you are sending me to my bed (1.50am and I have to be up to go to work at 7.15am) with a smile on my face!

BTW love your avatar!


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> I see nothing wrong with it as long as you tell your husband first and he says it's OK.


Will: Maybe she should video record the encounter and bring it home to her husband so he can share in the experience? What do you think? That would be a nice treat.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

This is your marriage











This is your marriage if you hook up with your old flame.












Any questions?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Where is OP?


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Either didn't like her responses and went to a site that said go ahead and have an affair, if your husband was a bigger man your eyes wouldn't be wandering, 
Or she is sleeping.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

You know how Women say "Guys only thinks with their D#@ks". Well I'm telling you "Stop thinking with your p#$$y." NO one here will justify you f#$king behind your husbands back. Discuss your issues with your HUSBAND.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

You wont get it out of your system, you will get in IN to your system. You really want all that drama and turmoil in your life? ED can be dealt with by medication, the fallout from infidelity cannot. Better think twice before you turn lives upside down.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

All you have is some hot passion---where is the reality with this cheating partner of yours, its all just hormones and chemistry

You have already cheated---do you intend to tell your H, you have kissed another man passionately

Don't tell us your lover, about to be, is an alpha---what he is, is a POS, who destroys innocent families, and the lives of innocent H's-----tell me/us---does your H, deserve what you are about to do to him

I am sure you have read here, and you know what the repercussions of cheating are-----is that what you want for your H/family/yourself----do you really think, you are gonna come out better, after some tawdry sex to satisfy your physical desire---if it is that bad---get a D., or help your H., thru his problems, and please just go NC, on this guy who would willingly wreck your life, and then walk away, free as the breeze.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> Where is OP?


I just sent her a PM.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No reply, yet.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think you should go ahead and cheat. But just before you go for your first full on cheating, since you've already begun cheat by kissing the guy, though I guess that's since your husband can't kiss anymore either, you should tell off your husband. You should tell him he is lessor a man than you need and that you feel completely ok and justified cheating on him,

You should also tell him that if the situation was reversed that you would fully endorse him cheating on you.

Oh btw, please tell him you've already been kissing other men,do that he knows that it's now ok by you for him to find another girl and kiss her. You are all good with him making out with another woman now, inform him since you've decided to cheat, he is free of his vows to you and he can slep with anyone he lies.

Since its ok for you, obviously it's ok for him too right? You are good with him having sex with another woman right?


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

*sighs......


could we at least try and fix things married people before become adulterers for petes sake!!!!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I just got a pm from her. She is going to talk with her husband. I don't think she is going to cheat on him. 

She is glad of the 'tough love' that we have given her.


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## Hope Springs Eternal (Oct 6, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> I just got a pm from her. She is going to talk with her husband. I don't think she is going to cheat on him.
> 
> She is glad of the 'tough love' that we have given her.


Well, she should have the decency to tell us all...


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> This is your marriage
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Plan 9, the funny thing is most cheaters would look at those 2 pictures and say

Wooooooowwwwww to the 2nd picture. Act 1st, think later, MUCH later.

Cheaters are like those people who see the button with the sign that says

"Danger, do not press or else doom will befall you"

Hmm, I'm wondering what kind of doom it could be, can't be that bad...Presses button.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Talk as in she has already in an affair?

Talk as in she wants an open marraige to keep doing her OM?

OR

Talk as in about his ED and how they can exhaust all medical remedies, and how toys and other things that they can do to have fun in bed?

Talk how this WW had an affair and how the affair was wrong?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> I just got a pm from her. She is going to talk with her husband. I don't think she is going to cheat on him.
> 
> She is glad of the 'tough love' that we have given her.


I hope things go well.


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