# Inadvertently insulted husband



## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

I could use some insight from men. I inadvertently insulted my husband tonight over something stupid and I am not sure how to fix it.

Quick background. We have a chandelier type light fixture in a room that is no longer used as a dining room and a “boob” light that is in the room we are using as a dining room now. Discussion about swapping the fixtures has been ongoing for over three years, like it comes up every six months. The chandelier looks ridiculous where it is now.

I need to burn some vacation time so I will be taking some time off during lock down to give our ugly-ass kitchen a design on a dime make over. We bought all of the supplies to paint the cabinets and resurface the counters. He was all on board with this idea and we discussed again needing to move the light fixtures because I will need to paint the ceilings.

Tonight he says he isn’t really comfortable with doing the electric work. I suggest hiring someone and he says we don’t have the money and it will be hard to get someone in during this time (we are in a state hard hit by COVID). Here is where I screwed up...I suggested we have my XH do it. He was once-upon-a-time an electricians apprentice and considering he owes us about $15,000 in support it would be the least he could do. Husband lost it, starting listing off all his own successful electrical work projects and questioning how would I feel it if he asked his XW to come and help with something. Well, he didn’t like my answer because his XW used to be a hair stylist and I would love it if she could come and cut the kids hair. He said I just threw the notion of the XH working on it to goad him into action and that was my plan all along. If I was that devious I would have suggested this three years ago!!!!

We have been together ten years and he knows he is “better” than my XH in every way so I truly don’t get this posturing.I look at getting my XH to do things around our house as him being subservient, but obviously my husband feels differently.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Is moving the light fixture worth all the drama?
There must be some kind of history or insecurity with the ex that made him react like he did.
Hold off on the ceiling and electric until pandemic calms down and you can swing it financially.
Sit down with husband and do a hybrid apology/reassurance discussion in which you find out what his issue is with the ex, and reassure him that he poses no threat to the two of you.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Yeah... that wouldn't go over well with me either. I didn't even like reading it! I'm not saying you were necessarily in the wrong, I'm sure some couples wouldn't have a problem with it. 

You need to sit down with your husband, apologize, explain your side without blaming him or getting him defensive, and talk this out when he has calmed down. 

As for painting the ceiling, depending on the light fixture you may be able to take it down just enough to paint around it without actually moving it. Yes, I know you want it moved but that may not be possible right now.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I think you have made a boo-boo. Maintenance etc is ordinarily a man's job and you considering your ex to come in and 'maintain' what is rightfully your current Husband's castle is bound to put his nose out of joint. It is an ego thing. I am a woman and I get why he would be pissed off. Woman don't have this kind of territorial instinct. It's like male dogs who pee to mark their spot and I don't mean any disrespect in saying this, I get it.

Come to think of it your XH may not be too happy being the dogsbody in this domestic scenario either. You sound a little clueless.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@Bluesclues, if he got upset at the suggestion, then he had his feelings hurt. I would apologize one time for making the suggestion and leave it at that. He can accept your apology or not but don't get into the whys. Leave the chandelier alone for now. 

If he doesn't take action (either hiring someone to do it or he does it) in a couple of months, then take action yourself. You can outsource the work to a contractor or do it yourself. 

Moving a light is not difficult. I replaced the chandelier in my dining room and moved actual wiring in the attic for my son's track light. You might need some help bringing the chandelier down if it's heavy but the actual connections are not hard to make. YouTube is your friend.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How do those two light fixtures affect your kitchen makeover?

Switching the fixtures isn't difficult at all. Depending on their size, it may turn into a two person job.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

So when you were talking about hiring someone there was no insult to your husband's electrical skills, but when it was hiring your ex then he found it problematic. His insecurity isn't your problem. And, if he didn't want to hear the answer to "How would you like it if we hired my XW?", then he shouldn't have asked.

I think your reply should've been along the lines of "If you don't want to hire my XH, then we won't, but I was trying to be helpful and it isn't fair to be angry at me about it."


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It sounds like the suggestion for the ex to do the work is also because he owes you a LOT in back child support and it would be a way to help pay back that debt he owes you. I don't think it was an altogether terrible suggestion.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

aine said:


> I think you have made a boo-boo. Maintenance etc is ordinarily a man's job and you considering your ex to come in and 'maintain' what is rightfully your current Husband's castle is bound to put his nose out of joint. It is an ego thing. I am a woman and I get why he would be pissed off. Woman don't have this kind of territorial instinct. It's like male dogs who pee to mark their spot and I don't mean any disrespect in saying this, I get it.
> 
> Come to think of it your XH may not be too happy being the dogsbody in this domestic scenario either. You sound a little clueless.


So you have come to the Men's Clubhouse to point out our inferior emotional development and to compare us to dogs.

Maybe we men should stage a forum raid in Ladies Lounge where we point out that you're all dingbats and complain about how you act when menstruating. No disrespect!

Disclaimer: No one should actually stage a forum raid or break any other forum rules.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> So when you were talking about hiring someone there was no insult to your husband's electrical skills, but when it was hiring your ex then he found it problematic. His insecurity isn't your problem. And, if he didn't want to hear the answer to "How would you like it if we hired my XW?", then he shouldn't have asked.
> 
> I think your reply should've been along the lines of "If you don't want to hire my XH, then we won't, but I was trying to be helpful and it isn't fair to be angry at me about it."


I don't believe it is an insecurity but more so placing the XH over the current H for light fixture replacement. In short, current H is not capable but my XH is. It is a hit to the ego. X are called X for a reason. Keep them there.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

SpinyNorman said:


> Maybe we men should stage a forum raid in Ladies Lounge where we point out that you're all dingbats and complain about how you act when menstruating. No disrespect!


LOL. You haven't been around here long enough to have seen the above. It used to be the Wild, Wild West.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Yeswecan said:


> I don't believe it is an insecurity but more so placing the XH over the current H for light fixture replacement. In short, current H is not capable but my XH is. It is a hit to the ego.


But H's ego had no problem w/ hiring someone else who had trained as an electrician. 


> X are called X for a reason. Keep them there.


He is an ex-husband, not an ex-person. She wasn't talking about renewing anything that is uniquely spousal, just something you can hire countless other guys to do.

I think it would've been ok for H to say, "No, I don't want to go there." but not to get mad at her for suggesting it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Although the H should have laughingly said, uh, no, the request to bring an X into the Hs house the idea also likely best to not be proposed or perhaps couched differently.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Well after I posted this I went to bed and initiated sex to momentarily distract him from my boneheaded suggestion and that seemed to work. This morning he is lovey, not angry.

It really was an insensitive thing to suggest. He once lit the X up for “pissing on his leg” when the X brought our recycling bin back to the garage when picking up the kids and no longer allows him to pull into our driveway. So I don’t know how I thought that would be received well by my H, nor would my X want to cross our threshold. I think my brain is melting from the lockdown.

If I had kept my mouth shut and done it myself (I am pretty handy) he would've been proud, but now I think he would take it as a slight.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

He can't have it both ways. He cannot tell you that he's not comfortable doing the work and then feel disgruntled when you imply that he in fact can't do the work.

That's childish. Tell him to pick one. Do it, or hire it out, and quit pouting.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

This might not be a popular opinion - but it's not a super difficult job to switch light fixtures. You could watch a few YouTube videos and do it yourself. As long as you know where your circuit panel is in the house and you know which breaker to flip to turn off the electric to the fixtures before you work on them. Why dont you offer to your H to do it together instead of asking him to do it? 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Baldy (Jul 18, 2019)

I installed two ceiling fans in our family room having never done it before. I also did the same in our bedroom. I was happy as was my wife and gave myself a pat on the back. Fast forward a few months and my wife wanted one installed in the other two bedrooms. We picked them out, and as my son was still living at home while working and going to school I thoughts it would be a good thing for us to do together. 
I will admit that it was a number of months later my wife wanted to know when it would be done. I told her it would get done and my son and I would do it. There was no emergency need for the fans. 
About a month later I came home from a business trip to find out my wife had an electrician do it for nearly $200.00. I was furious. It was a slap in my face as she thought I was not capable doing the job, even after installing 3 others. I told her I lost a chance to work on a project with our son. A project I had shown I could do. It felt like a stab in the back and a slap in the face. This was “want to get done” not “must get done“. I felt is was a slap on the face. Oddly enough, we decided to replace the two fans I installed in the family room a few years later. My son, now living outside of our house, came over and we did it together and had a good time doing it. Looking back I felt completely disrespected and incompetent. 
Have some patience with your husband. There’s some reason he’s hesitating to do the work, but it hasn’t come out yet. What you did really cut him to the core.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> But H's ego had no problem w/ hiring someone else who had trained as an electrician.
> 
> He is an ex-husband, not an ex-person. She wasn't talking about renewing anything that is uniquely spousal, just something you can hire countless other guys to do.
> 
> I think it would've been ok for H to say, "No, I don't want to go there." but not to get mad at her for suggesting it.


The electrician hired as not dated or married to his wife. Big difference.

For me, an X, is to be out of ones life permanently. There are exceptions(kids involved). However, even calling one's XH or XW to do something around the house is not the way to go as we see here in the thread.

What you think is ok to say may not be for another. We are after all individuals unto ourselves.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

kag123 said:


> This might not be a popular opinion - but it's not a super difficult job to switch light fixtures. You could watch a few YouTube videos and do it yourself. As long as you know where your circuit panel is in the house and you know which breaker to flip to turn off the electric to the fixtures before you work on them. Why dont you offer to your H to do it together instead of asking him to do it?
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


Speaking as an electrical engineer who has wired an 1800 sq. ft. addition from top to bottom -

I agree, it's not hard, but you DO need to pay attention to the details. Getting a wire nut connection wrong can cause fires, even if there is no bare wire exposed. That (almost) happened to one of my 240V heater connections in my basement two years after installation. Not that this is likely with a light fixture, but just knowing which wire goes where is only part of the solution.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Yeswecan said:


> The electrician hired as not dated or married to his wife. Big difference.


To you it's a salient difference, to me it's not.


> For me, an X, is to be out of ones life permanently.


 For you, and not necessarily for me.


> There are exceptions(kids involved). However, even calling one's XH or XW to do something around the house is not the way to go as we see here in the thread.


 All we've seen ITT is that people have different opinions on the subject.


> What you think is ok to say may not be for another. We are after all individuals unto ourselves.


This I agree with. We have difft. opinions, and that won't change. Parsing out where they differ can be helpful though.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Bluesclues said:


> I could use some insight from men. I inadvertently insulted my husband tonight over something stupid and I am not sure how to fix it.
> 
> Quick background. We have a chandelier type light fixture in a room that is no longer used as a dining room and a “boob” light that is in the room we are using as a dining room now. Discussion about swapping the fixtures has been ongoing for over three years, like it comes up every six months. The chandelier looks ridiculous where it is now.
> 
> ...


Wow, that was a really bad mistake on your part. 

Wow, just wow. 

He should just google the light and how to change them, first off. It is easy... But lots of guys don't like electrical work. Just an FYI, with a circuit tester you could tell if the wires are hot. Usually, the light switch cuts all power, but not always...

But you really put your foot in it. What were you thinking???


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Bluesclues said:


> Well after I posted this I went to bed and initiated sex to momentarily distract him from my boneheaded suggestion and that seemed to work. This morning he is lovey, not angry.
> 
> It really was an insensitive thing to suggest. *He once lit the X up for “pissing on his leg” when the X brought our recycling bin back to the garage when picking up the kids and no longer allows him to pull into our driveway.* So I don’t know how I thought that would be received well by my H, nor would my X want to cross our threshold. I think my brain is melting from the lockdown.
> 
> If I had kept my mouth shut and done it myself (I am pretty handy) he would've been proud, but now I think he would take it as a slight.


Based on the bold, is there bad blood between your current husband and the ex? 

If my boyfriend's ex wife brought in my recycling bins, I'd probably thank her and offer her a beer.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

SpinyNorman said:


> So you have come to the Men's Clubhouse to point out our inferior emotional development and to compare us to dogs.
> 
> Maybe we men should stage a forum raid in Ladies Lounge where we point out that you're all dingbats and complain about how you act when menstruating. No disrespect!
> 
> Disclaimer: No one should actually stage a forum raid or break any other forum rules.


Lolol!!! That would be FUNNY!!!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Bluesclues said:


> I could use some insight from men. I inadvertently insulted my husband tonight over something stupid and I am not sure how to fix it.
> 
> Quick background. We have a chandelier type light fixture in a room that is no longer used as a dining room and a “boob” light that is in the room we are using as a dining room now. Discussion about swapping the fixtures has been ongoing for over three years, like it comes up every six months. The chandelier looks ridiculous where it is now.
> 
> ...


No, no and no.

I don't want any of Mrs. Conan's exes in my territory working on anything. They have no business in any of my business. They don't get to touch my things, talk to my wife in my house or be involved in any of my personal stuff.

I'm territorial and it seems your husband is as well.

That trait isn't bad and does need respecting.

I married a territorial woman so we see eye to eye on this stuff.

You should probably apologize and communicate that you didn't mean to offend because you don't see it the same but you respect his position and will keep a boundary to protect it in the future.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Bluesclues said:


> Well after I posted this I went to bed and initiated sex to momentarily distract him from my boneheaded suggestion and that seemed to work. This morning he is lovey, not angry.
> 
> It really was an insensitive thing to suggest. He once lit the X up for “pissing on his leg” when the X brought our recycling bin back to the garage when picking up the kids and no longer allows him to pull into our driveway. So I don’t know how I thought that would be received well by my H, nor would my X want to cross our threshold. I think my brain is melting from the lockdown.
> 
> If I had kept my mouth shut and done it myself (I am pretty handy) he would've been proud, but now I think he would take it as a slight.


It would be cool if you could do it with him assisting.😉


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Bluesclues said:


> I could use some insight from men. I inadvertently insulted my husband tonight over something stupid and I am not sure how to fix it.
> 
> Quick background. We have a chandelier type light fixture in a room that is no longer used as a dining room and a “boob” light that is in the room we are using as a dining room now. Discussion about swapping the fixtures has been ongoing for over three years, like it comes up every six months. The chandelier looks ridiculous where it is now.
> 
> ...


Say I'm sorry, I won't bring up the ex ever again as the solution to any of our problems and then go back to talking out your lights.
Pay some electrician to come in and switch them or just agree to wait longer.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Bluesclues said:


> Well after I posted this I went to bed and initiated sex





ConanHub said:


> It would be cool if you could do it with him assisting.😉


It sounded to me like he did.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Moderator Note:. I responded to a thread Jack and I apologise. I will be deleting any posts not directed to OP regarding her issue.

Please take the topic of whether or not it's okay to be territorial to a different thread.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Lila said:


> Based on the bold, is there bad blood between your current husband and the ex?
> 
> If my boyfriend's ex wife brought in my recycling bins, I'd probably thank her and offer her a beer.





Bluesclues said:


> *He once lit the X up *for “pissing on his leg” when the X brought our recycling bin back to the garage when picking up the kids and no longer allows him to pull into our driveway. So I don’t know how I thought that would be received well by my H, *nor would my X want to cross our threshold.*


Based on this post, I think it's safe to assume that they won't be having a beer together anytime soon.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Lila said:


> Based on the bold, is there bad blood between your current husband and the ex?
> 
> If my boyfriend's ex wife brought in my recycling bins, I'd probably thank her and offer her a beer.


My H was the OM and we live in the family home. So I think there was a lot of establishing dominance going on. They were actually extremely cordial at the beginning but my X got a bit too comfortable, spending hours hanging out at the house after school when we weren’t home instead of taking the kids to his place. H took that as a sign of disrespect and put the hammer down. And he hasn’t let up on it for ten years.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Bluesclues said:


> My H was the OM and we live in the family home. So I think there was a lot of establishing dominance going on. They were actually extremely cordial at the beginning but my X got a bit too comfortable, spending hours hanging out at the house after school when we weren’t home instead of taking the kids to his place. H took that as a sign of disrespect and put the hammer down. And he hasn’t let up on it for ten years.


Oh wow. You have a complete role reversal there. I'm pretty surprised your ex husband would be so laid back about your husband considering he was the OM. 

I know for a fact that I will never be "hanging out" at my ex husband and his AP's (OW) new house. I might set their recycling on fire but I sure will not be bringing it in their garage. 😁. 

But all that aside.... You have your hands full. If he's good today, then let sleeping dogs lie.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Cletus said:


> He can't have it both ways. He cannot tell you that he's not comfortable doing the work and then feel disgruntled when you imply that he in fact can't do the work.
> 
> That's childish. Tell him to pick one. Do it, or hire it out, and quit pouting.


That’s where I would be at... right up until offering up her ex husband to come and do something in his own home that he doesn’t know how to do.

I’d be pissed, too. 

Just soothe his ego a bit, and come up with a solution. Moving light fixtures isn’t that hard, maybe you both could do it and then have someone come and inspect it for free or cheap.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Wow so the home you currently live in with your current husband used to be yours and your ex husband's house..


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Lila said:


> Oh wow. You have a complete role reversal there. I'm pretty surprised your ex husband would be so laid back about your husband considering he was the OM.
> 
> I know for a fact that I will never be "hanging out" at my ex husband and his AP's (OW) new house. I might set their recycling on fire but I sure will not be bringing it in their garage. 😁.
> 
> But all that aside.... You have your hands full. If he's good today, then let sleeping dogs lie.


I hear you. My X cheated first and felt guilty more than betrayed. They are extreme opposites (alpha/nice guy) and I always felt like X was doing these things to win his favor, not mine.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Baldy said:


> I installed two ceiling fans in our family room having never done it before. I also did the same in our bedroom. I was happy as was my wife and gave myself a pat on the back. Fast forward a few months and my wife wanted one installed in the other two bedrooms. We picked them out, and as my son was still living at home while working and going to school I thoughts it would be a good thing for us to do together.
> I will admit that it was a number of months later my wife wanted to know when it would be done. I told her it would get done and my son and I would do it. There was no emergency need for the fans.
> About a month later I came home from a business trip to find out my wife had an electrician do it for nearly $200.00. I was furious. It was a slap in my face as she thought I was not capable doing the job, even after installing 3 others. I told her I lost a chance to work on a project with our son. A project I had shown I could do. It felt like a stab in the back and a slap in the face. This was “want to get done” not “must get done“. I felt is was a slap on the face. Oddly enough, we decided to replace the two fans I installed in the family room a few years later. My son, now living outside of our house, came over and we did it together and had a good time doing it. Looking back I felt completely disrespected and incompetent.
> Have some patience with your husband. There’s some reason he’s hesitating to do the work, but it hasn’t come out yet. What you did really cut him to the core.


Thank you for posting this because it gave me the idea to include my 15 year old son in on it, whether it is with me or his step-dad. I appreciate the perspective!


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## Parallax857 (May 15, 2012)

We are territorial creatures. Not everyone tends toward territoriality or jealousy but many do and I don't think it's related in any way to intelligence. Perhaps early childhood experience and a basic sense of security. Your husband felt threatened. It's not logical. I wouldn't expect it to be. As you said, you already knew this about him. Silly to not have realized he'd get triggered. 

I agree to an extent with those who say his insecurity is his. But in a good marriage we try to help our spouses when they come up against themselves. If there isn't compassion and kindness it's not the kind of marriage I'd want.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

I must have a super laid back hubby as HE was the one that actually brought up contacting my ex to replace a broken window in our back entryway. Since my husband has no idea how to; and my XH is in the construction business; he thought that maybe he could help us out. My XH and I have a decent relationship, and I also get along with his current wife. While we had no children together, we really don't stay in touch much, except to let each other know when a friend or family member passed away. While my current hubby and my ex don't have the best past history, by gone's are bygones.

His XW and I get along super well and my hubby and I have actually helped them move on different occasions. We have also been invited to several family functions by her and her husband, since my husband had two grown children with her.

While most families don't have the relationships with XSpouses like we do. I can see where this might be an issue. Personally, no matter how well I currently get along with my ex though, I put a damper on it, just not finding it to be real good idea; finding it better to hire someone to do it. Might be okay in my hubby's mind ATM, but once my ex came in, there may be a change of heart.

I'm sure your situation will all blow over eventually, but a sweet apology and an "I love you"; telling him that he's the ONLY guy for you; making him a nice dinner, etc. might do the trick..


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## foobar (May 6, 2012)

Lila said:


> @Bluesclues
> 
> Moving a light is not difficult. ... YouTube is your friend.


Last first. YouTube runs from good to terrible. Second, moving a light can run from easy to very difficult. If you have attic access it ought to be pretty easy. No access and it can be hard. Very hard. The wires might not be long enough and hidden/buried splices are a no no. There might be a joist where you want the new one. Or a sewer / water pipe is in the way. And you might just wire it backwards as the black wire is not always the hot one. Sometimes you just never know when you do it yourself if you'll be a Hero or Zero. I'm an old Electrical Engineer, designed and wired hundreds of things yet sometimes I will hire an acquaintance of mine that is a Residential Electrician to do something that I'm iffy about in my house - just so it comes out nice and neat.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Bluesclues said:


> Husband lost it, starting listing off all his own successful electrical work projects and questioning how would I feel it if he asked his XW to come and help with something.


LOL. If he's got all these *'successful'* electrical work projects, then why isn't he capable of switching the lighting fixtures?

And of course your husband feels inadequate that he can't do the light fixtures while your ex _can_. I'm sure it's embarrassing for him. You don't need a man poster here to tell you that.



> *He said I just threw the notion of the XH working on it to goad him into action and that was my plan all along. If I was that devious I would have suggested this three years ago!!!!*


Now he just sounds like an idiot.

*



We have been together ten years and he knows he is “better” than my XH in every way

Click to expand...

*Except for having electrical knowledge, apparently. 😁

So he's such a *child *that he can't accept your ex helping you out to pay down the horrific debt he owes you? Exactly what does your spoiled child of a husband propose then, in order to rectify the situation? Assuaging his childish ego by hiring someone and paying THEM $150 to do it instead of having your ex do it for free? All because a lifetime ago you were married to him?

Jesus, I'm really sorry you're married to such a damned insecure child that an innocuous lighting fixture has become the focal point of SO much drama for him and his precious ego.

This **** is exactly why the aliens won't talk to us.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> So he's such a *child *that he can't accept your ex helping you out to pay down the horrific debt he owes you? Exactly what does your spoiled child of a husband propose then, in order to rectify the situation? Assuaging his childish ego by hiring someone and paying THEM $150 to do it instead of having your ex do it for free? All because a lifetime ago you were married to him?
> 
> Jesus, I'm really sorry you're married to such a damned insecure child that an innocuous lighting fixture has become the focal point of SO much drama for him and his precious ego.
> 
> This **** is exactly why the aliens won't talk to us.


I'll disagree with you directly here.

You are 100% wrong with this assessment of her husband.

I'm more territorial than him and I don't play close to as nice as him.

My wife would been better off soiling herself at a fancy dinner party than pulling a faux pas like this one concerning an ex.

My wife's ex almost never paid a dime of the pittance he was ordered to pay for child support but I told her to never worry about it because I accepted her son with her and her ex was an asshole.

I'm about the farthest thing from insecure or a man baby but I am very territorial.

You are wrong to categorize him that way because he doesn't want the ex involved in his home.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Get your exH to pay that owed child support and you can easily hire an electrician AND remodel the kitchen!

why do you allow him to get that far behind on supporting his kids? Take him to court!!


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Beach123 said:


> Get your exH to pay that owed child support and you can easily hire an electrician AND remodel the kitchen!
> 
> why do you allow him to get that far behind on supporting his kids? Take him to court!!


Already did. He is behind in his contributions to out of pocket medical costs (20%) and extracurricular (50%) with the majority being medical out of pocket. His actual CS is taken out of his check at $62/wk. He was ordered to pay me $50 per month - which would mean it would take 25 years to pay back the outstanding balance now if he paid it (which he doesn’t) and if it didn’t grow (which it does). We have been back to court about the non payments and he will write a check to me for $100 or $200 and that satisfies them. So I don’t see the point of pursuing it - the anxiety and stress and anger take a toll on me, why go through it for $100 and the can kicked down the road again? 

All of the above is yet another reason my husband hates my XH and why it was stupid to suggest what I did. We pay for their health insurance also so XH literally only pays $248 a month to their care.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Bluesclues said:


> He once lit the X up for “pissing on his leg”




the words of Gen. George S. Patton..... " _[laughing]_ Keep them moving, colonel. A man that eloquent has to be saved. "


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Here is how I read this.

Husband, if you won’t move the light fixture I know I can get my ex to do so.

How can this be unsaid?

Granted that this should have been moved already. Wrong thing to say.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Deleted by me


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Bluesclues said:


> My H was the OM and we live in the family home. So I think there was a lot of establishing dominance going on. They were actually extremely cordial at the beginning but my X got a bit too comfortable, spending hours hanging out at the house after school when we weren’t home instead of taking the kids to his place. H took that as a sign of disrespect and put the hammer down. And he hasn’t let up on it for ten years.


wtf.

I will stop posting now. Sorry but your husband can piss in the wind for all I care.


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