# What to do When the Porn Addiction Won't Stop



## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

My Husband has struggled with a porn addiction since we met. He has stopped, that I know of because of the hurt it causes me. This morning I found that he had looked at some nude photos before we became intimate last night. W.T.F.

I would probably just brush this off any other time, but he did it right before we became intimate.

I don't know what to do, please help. FYI, he won't seek counseling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He won't seek counseling because he doesn't have to. 

He has no consequences.

You will either have to accept it, or draw a line in the sand.


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## MrRomantic (Jun 14, 2010)

Why does it bother you so much? Sorry to sound cynical, but it could be a lot worse. I guess when you deal with a cheating spouse, things like this seem trivial...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It depends on the person. Some people can watch porn and have absolutely no effect on their marriage - they still want their wife just as much. Others, it starts to replace their wife or at least make him not go to her for sex.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Since you are uncomfortable with the porn, it doesn't matter if it is an "addiction" or not. The porn needs to go! Perhaps a counselor can better help you with the "how" part.

When I began dating my estranged husband years ago, he kept various men's magazines around. It really didn't bother me too much. However, as the years went by the porn problem escalated. The magazines got much bolder, and the videos got way too raunchy. Then, he began living out the videos in real life. And now we've lost our family and everything else. He doesn't care because he is living in the sexual fantasy world he created. Therefore, my advice is to set boundaries which you are comfortable with now.


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## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

If you do not like him watching something, he has to oblige.There is no second way here. Just because many people do something does not make it correct. Get the point? Now, he watched it last time. I'd say let it go. Be on the lookout. If he watches again give him an ultimatum. Tell him how much it hurts you and that you have already 'caught' him in the past. Ask him if there is something 'more' that he expects in your intimate life,if there are soem fantacies that he would want to share with you etc.I know watching porn is common for some men but that does not mean you need to put up with it if you are not comfortable. BTW,I can't stamd my husband watch porn too and I've told him this.


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

luvmydarling said:


> If you do not like him watching something, he has to oblige.There is no second way here.


How far do you carry this?? If I don't like my wife watching NASCAR.....does she have to "oblige?" The fact that some have a stigma about porn...does NOT IMHO make it a defacto non sequitor. IF it is interfering with the marriage...then YES...it absolutely has to stop. If, however, it does not....what makes it any more/less of an absolute (from one partner's perspective) than NASCAR, Horse racing, online gaming, sports on tv....or any other form of distraction. I can't understand why one person (in a marriage) has the right to dictate to the other what they can, or can not, do....if it does not interfere with the marriage. I could just as easily argue that Soap Operas, or any movie with Mel Gibson, can not be watched by my wife...because it gets her hot and bothered. Would I be in the right? My wife has a "toy" in the nightstand. Admittedly, it hasn't been used in a while (as far as I know.) But, I know, in the past, she did use it on a weekly basis. Should I have put my foot down that it was a no-no? After all...she was turning to "someone" else. 

There is another thread, right now, about a husband not liking his wife wearing skimpy bikinnis to the pool, when he isn't around. Absolutely, uniformly, the women all gathered around the woman's "right" to wear what she wanted...in spite of the husband not liking it. Wouldn't your argument likewise apply to this situation? The husband doesn't like it....so she must oblige? :scratchhead:

I just don't understand the thought process here. Without any more information provided...we can NOT say that this has been a hindrence to lovinghimforever's marriage. Therefore, again IMHO, it is premature to argue flat out...it is a no, no. BTW...many woman watch porn, as well. Cinemax is full of porn, after 11:00 at night. 

Just my thoughts....I sit back to receive the blasting.


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## helpplease (May 20, 2010)

My opinion is that you need to express your feelings to him. If it bothers you it is a problem for the relationship. It can do nothing positive for the relationship when you are struggling with his viewing of porn.
I can tell you that it will not get better and have to agree with the earlier post. The affect can be like a drug. Eventually what he is looking at will not give him the same feeling and he will go for harder porn. Eventually this will not work and it will become part of your relationship in a physical sense and he will try to get you involved in some way. 
I would have to say you need to definitely draw the line with what is comfortable for you. Do not compromise your moral character for him, believe me, it will get you and the relationship into trouble.
I don't have a stigma with porn, but there is a percentage of people who will continue to push further and further and ultimately destroy the relationship and themselves.

Bottom line if you are not happy and he doesn't understand how it makes you feel, then you need to go.

It takes all kinds in this world and you will find someone who does not need that kind of "high".


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## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

DailyGrind said:


> How far do you carry this?? If I don't like my wife watching NASCAR.....does she have to "oblige?"


Thanks for pointing out. Sorry, I forgot to mention that I meant 'porn' alone. I'm not talking about dictating things to a spouse but topics like porn are very sensitive and some may like it while some might be uncomfortable. I do not say that a spouse has to oblige to everything/anything. I think if one is uncomfortable over it then it has to stop. IMO.


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## Unit4 (Mar 15, 2009)

luvmydarling said:


> If you do not like him watching something, he has to oblige.There is no second way here. Just because many people do something does not make it correct. Get the point?


I read comments like this and think, "the guy is your husband, not your dog". People are different, let alone gender differences. Luvmydarling, I believe the boudaries are up to the OP AND her SO. Men's impulses are quite carnal and the ones sharing roofs with women who perpetually push off the guilt of a shattered "prince charming" myth, are the ones I pity most. 

Let him chase his demons and work openly to compromise with you. That is, if he outdrives you and you don't want to accomodate. Otherwise, the talk gets more serious.


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

:iagree:


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