# Husband is Sucking the Life from Me & 4th Stage Cancer



## Blossoms (Aug 19, 2012)

I am so depressed. I have 4th stage breast cancer and sometimes I think my husband is partly responsible. He sucks the life out of me. He is mostly depressed. He can't find happiness in anything. Its hard enough for me dealing with my issues, but to have to deal with his, too, is really dragging me down. He does not have any friends. He is a work-aholic, but he complains he has no life because he works all the time. I work, too, but on weekends I need some downtime, but it seems like if I am not working like him, I get treated like crap. I can't work like him...I am not strong enough. 

Sometimes I arrange trips so we can get away from the normal chores, but he just says things like its not going to be fun because ... Blah blah blah. He has a negative response to everything positive I try to do. He sees the world as depressing and negative. 

He is also very controlling. If I want to buy something (I earn money too), he tries to talk me out of it. If I put something in the grocery cart that he doesn't think we should buy, he will either put it back, or try to convince me why we shouldn't get it, but when he buys himself stuff (like a$6 thousand bike), I don't say a word. 

He has made it so I rarely see my family. I do not have friends anymore. I feel beaten and alone. I try to stay positive because if I don't the cancer will take over sooner. I am just beside myself. We have had plenty of talks about this, but somehow it always gets turned around that he is not the problem, I am. We even went to counseling and he convinced the therapist that I was the problem. The next visit that I attended, the therapist said if "you" don't change this your husband will leave you. 

I am scared to leave because I am worried about the stress a breakup will put on me...the financial issues, having to sell everything or split everything up....I just don't know what to do. 
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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Find a different therapist, one that will look at both sides of the coin. You could also look into getting his needs/ her needs and the five languages of love books. This might help some as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

people like your husband have a way of dragging everyone else around them. you might be hurting alittle financialy at first but the new improved atmosphere would probable do you a world of good.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Stage 4 cancer!! Geesh I'm so sorry I don't wish that on anybody ;(

I hope you are in treatment at a top notch facility!! As far as your husband I just don't know where to start. 

Was he always like this?
Did it get worse as you were diagnosed and through treatment?
Maybe a break would be good?

Take care!!


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I'm sorry you're going through this, all of it.
Do everything you can for yourself right now. Take care of YOU, physically and emotionally. You need to surround yourself with people and energy and things that bring health to you, body and spirit. 
Start IC and/or any support groups. Fill your time and life with as many positive people as you can even if he's not one of them. Those trips? Go without him and enjoy.
It's possible his negativity could be part of his coping with your illness. But if he's always been this way, then I don't know.
IMO, however, that's beside the point. The point is YOU, your health and well-being and happiness.


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