# What do I do with this information?



## Blackbirdfly (Aug 15, 2011)

My husband recently told me something...

We have been through a lot, and finally are marriage is back on solid ground, we have never been stronger or happier together than we are now...not that it's perfect, but a long way from where we were. 

So...he has a tendency to lie through omission and I've long stopped quizzing him about what he is or isn't telling me....but last night I asked if there was anything I didn't know, not in a grilling sort of way, but just to be open and honest with each other.

Well, he told me he had met a coworker at a restaurant/bar late one night (I had known in advance, she was friends with both of us, and going through a lot....I stayed home with our young kids) well this was a couple of years ago now, and he just told me she came onto him, and propositioned performing a sexual act on him, and said she had liked him a long time, etc etc. he says he did nothing, and turned her down, and they more or less didn't speak again. They no longer work at the place they used to together. 

I'm a little bit floored by this. I am not sure he honestly didn't do anything, but it was a long time ago and I'm not all that upset about that, more that he just never told me. I feel really stupid that I continued to be friendly with her and had no idea....

I am really glad he did finally tell me though, and I don't want to discourage him from telling me things. But now I wonder, what do I do with this? Last night I made sure he un friended her from Facebook (yah still friends on there, not sure why he wouldn't have deleted her if what happened happened) and I did the same....but now what? I considered calling her and asking about it, but it was so long ago, and I'm not sure what she might say or if it would be the truth. As of now she has no idea anything has happened, and we are no longer close and very rarely talk anyway. 

Really, I trust my husband at this point, he has come a long way from the person he was a few years ago, and I don't want to rock the boat....on the other hand, it still leaves me questioning what else I don't know....should I push to get to the bottom of this incident or let it go?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

It sounds like you have an idea the answers to any questions (further ? Of him or contacting her without telling him in advance) might lead you to a truth or reality you don't want to face. 

Your marriage is now in a good place but the foundation could be faulty and built on quicksand. You can choose to ignore it and proceed putting work in. But if he's still lying by omission and you are still feeling the need to ask. Well, you're excavating so you can choose to deal with what you find. That would be the route I'd take because I hate being lied to. You may want to trust and not verify . Yet you are here.


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

Personally, I think that sounds suspicious. If it were me, I'd contact the girl to get more info and see how their stories mesh. If you word it correctly, you may be able to get the truth out of her. Like, "I know you propositioned my husband..." I would imagine if they did more, she would tell you in a heartbeat just to throw him under the bus like he did her, but maybe I'm wrong. I would have to investigate further, though. Was she married? Do you have access to your husband's phone, email, etc? If you contact her, she may contact him to ask him why he sold her out, I'd want to intercept that. 

Again, that's just me, but I can't leave things alone until I know I have the full truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You say you've been through a lot and your marriage is now on firmer ground. Were the problems infidelity-related? If not, I would tend to file this away. If so, I think I would pursue for more info.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Blackbirdfly said:


> he says he did nothing, and turned her down, *and they more or less didn't speak again. *They no longer work at the place they used to together.


if you actually witnessed this, then I am inclined to believe him, is normal and very common that after a rejection, the rejected part begin to cut contact with the person who rejected them (and more when it comes to inmoral actions), after all the rejection is also implies judgament in this situations.

if they would have actually keep a friendly relationship then I would have suspected an affair.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

I guess what I would have a problem with and what may lead
me to believe he was/is lying is the fact that he waited so long
to tell you about it.

I know that if something like that had ever happened to me,
I would report it to my wife immediately. As in, there might be
a reason as to why he waited so long to tell you about it.

It's been my experience that liars will wait to tell you the truth with
the thought that learning about it later on somehow lessens the pain.

I can confirm that it certainly doesn't.


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## Blackbirdfly (Aug 15, 2011)

cantthinkstraight said:


> I guess what I would have a problem with and what may lead
> me to believe he was/is lying is the fact that he waited so long
> to tell you about it.
> 
> ...


This really made me think. If it had been me, of course I would have told him right away. I should have buried my head in the sand, but I didn't. I asked. And now...I don't know what to think. He actually asked her to come over when I was out of town, there was inappropriate talk, they ended up meeting elsewhere. I'm not sure it there was a sexual act or if he chickened out like he said, but I do believe they did part ways after this. So an emotional affair, or at least beyond coworkers or friends (like building over a couple of years) that ended with something physical or not, I don't know. 

I don't know what to do. I don't really want to see him. Should I ask him to stay somewhere else for a time? Thus happened a year and a half ago. I don't think I want a divorce but I just can't look at him right now.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

well there is always the option of polygraph to find if he is telling the truth, and also finding if there have been more affairs or indiscretions that you are not aware.


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