# Angry and Betrayed Dad of 3 kids... What to do now?



## MrBrady (Mar 30, 2011)

Looking for any advice here. The situation is that I just recently suspected my wife was seeing someone else. This is after she brought up the concept of an 'open marriage' which i said 100% NO. That then brought on more issues, and just recently found out that she truly was already cheating, and now has strong feelings for someone else - I found an email on the PC saying "I love you so much I feel like i am being crushed" - Makes me want to tear down a wall everytime I think about it.

But we also have 3 very young children, and we are very comfortable in our lifestyle. 

So we have been talking about how to proceed - do we just go the divorce route? Or, for the sake of the kids, try to work it out. My biggest problem? Can I ever learn to trust her again - I actually confronted her a day before i found the stuff on the PC, and she flat out lied to me and said nothing was going on. Then I find the chat dialogue, and sure enough, she was sneaking around.

tonight we talked, and i gave her some rules IF she wants to stay and try:

1) Cut off ALL contact with this guy, FOREVER.
2) There is a specific group of friends she goes out with that i am NOT a part of, and he is within that group. So she is never to go out with these people unless I go out with her (and as long as he won't be there).
3) She can have Girls Night Out, but must tell me who she is going out with, and I MUST know them all, and she has to tell me when she is coming home, and has to call me while she is out.
4) Any texts or phone calls to her - i get to ask who it is.
5) no hanging out with any guy friends at all, if I am not there.

So she is considering this, but her problem is that she says she still loves me, but is not 'in love with me' anymore. And she isn't sure if she will be able to get that back. Just like i am not sure if I can ever trust her. 

We talked about how she is looking for that spark we had when we first starting dating. I told her that marriage changes, and it is no longer a spark, but a comfortable friendship that has attraction, and has various things that should be done to rekindle that spark from time to time. but that original spark NEVER stays long term, in my opinion. So she needs to figure out if she wants to get back w/ me, and try for this, or go on a search for the eternal spark, which probably will never happen.

Ok, this is LOT of info, but it felt good to get it out. So what do I do? We talked about counseling, and probably will go, just to see what they say. Should I try to trust her again, or am I just setting myself up for another betrayal.

My world is upside down, and I wish this didn't happen. And I am worried about how our kids will be impacted (they are only 1, 3, and 5), if we end up divorced. We'll probably have to sell our house, split everything, and go our separate ways, but will still always be connected as we both agree that our children will always need both mommy and daddy. So if we go divorce route, i will not try to take away the kids - they need mommy too.

I think that's enough to get the dialogue going - I appreciate any input you may have. Thanks.


----------



## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Wow... What can I say? Honestly, I don't think its going to work. She seems bent on having a "spark" in her life. Whatever that means. If she came to you with the open marriage thing, you can bet she is not going to be monogamous if you decide to stay. To put it bluntly, she has made her choice. She just doesn't know how to break it to you. Read my post. I've got quite a mess on my hands.


----------



## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

Well it is quite likely that you are in the fog. The fog being a place of anxiety of how this will effect the kids, your finances, and how you really feel about things and if you even want her back. 

In my mind the only way you could ever trust her again would be if she repented showed remorse and even then it would be hard.

Trust is never given it is earned and built, did you totally trust you wife when you first started going out? So at this point she is at a place where she want to justify her actions and make like she did nothing wrong( I derive this from the open marriage suggestions) 

I would suggest contacting a member called Affaircare they really are quite good at this subject or at least check out some of their suggestions. 

So what to do now. It is time to Man UP you need to tell her if she wants to live in your home she needs to dump this clown and be true to her family you need to set boundries( what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate) if she doesnt want to live by them it is time for HER TO LEAVE, you absolutley dont want to leave the house or your kids.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Mr. B---you are way to soft on this whole situation---with what you are allowing, she will either continue to cheat, or cheat again somewhere down the line

1st lets get spark out of the way---mge. is very very hard work, and needs to be worked at, and communicated about---If there is a problem, the 2 of you need to talk about it, and forcefully if necessary, so the problem, is looked at and solved---You want spark--the 2 of you need to go out on dates, do fun things, etc., etc.---but what did your wife do---she found it was easier to give her heart to another, and spread her legs for him

Your boundaries---NC---is intiated by sending an E-Mail---you approve the content, and you watch it go out

Girls nights out----AT THIS POINT NO WAY---she can go out with some GF's to lunch--to a movie--shopping---but no night time action----she needs to be with you her H

If she leaves the house for errands or shopping---she takes the kids with her---or she makes a quick run, and returns---

Calling in is meaningless--cuz her lover could be standing right next to her as she calls---and she still has time to spend with him---you need tracking, and recording devices to know what she is really doing

No cell--phone---any phone contact she can do by landline----remember up until the mid 90's there were ONLY landlines, and everyone got along fine

No social websights----not even up for discussion

Friends---who are ONLY FRIENDS OF THE MGE---not even up for discussion

No more MALE CONTACTS OF ANY KIND AT ALL---if she needs to talk to a male about home repairs, car repairs, or what have you---fine have the conversation and end it 

You need to tell her---point blank-----you cannot stop her from cheating, and you realize that---BUT SHE NEEDS TO KNOW---if she does not end contact, and go NC immediately---you will move on with your life, and it will be WITHOUT her---as in Divorce is IMMEDIATELY on the table

You give her all this info---with an ICY CALM---and you walk away----You do not raise your voice----you do not allow any discussion, or argument---just leave

Other things that need to be done---Take all marital finances and put them in an account with ONLY your name on it---cut off her credit cards, and any joint credit cards---if there are 2 cars tell her if she wants to drive one of them she makes the payments, on the car, and pays for her own gas----you dole out whatever money is needed for food, and to run the household

What you are doing is to let her see what the world is gonna be like without her supporting, loving, caring H----she is at DISNEYLAND right now---and she needs to be yanked out of there pronto


----------



## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Go.to.your.lawyer. now.


----------



## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I'm with you. Also dad of 3 kids (7, 9, and 10). Look at Plan A and 180. Marriage Builders. com & Affaircare.com are also good. Lots of info and support here as well.


----------



## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

So just a little tidbet I learned going through my divorce. You do not want to drain the bank accounts, you want to take your half and put that into another bank account. You do want to cancell all credit cards that are jointly held. If you take all the money you have out of the bank it will look like you are trying to starve her out and half the money is hers. You want to file asap you are sure the marriage isnt going to work out because legally you are half responsible for any debt she acrews until filing.


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

MrBrady said:


> I think that's enough to get the dialogue going - I appreciate any input you may have. Thanks.


I just heard the words "I'm crushed" three weeks ago.Similar situation..

Follow the advice of the 180 NOW.. Immediately. Tell her to go to him. No contact from you except the stuff you have to do with kids. 
She probably does love you. She does love the kids but she will do ANYTHING at this stage to keep her "spark" , her "freedom" her "independence". Believe nothing she says. She is in there still ..
YOU have to force her to confront herself. At the moment she is lying to you. Lying to herself about the "love"
You have to break the fog with your head. Not your broken heart. 
Three weeks down the track and only 2am last night after telling her to go , again, did I see that she was in a bubble.
Long way to go.. 



You know how to push her buttons. Hit them all and hard. 

It is the toughest thing your ever going to do.. Good luck man

Trust.. Your nowhere near it. You have to decide after this bit is over if you still want her. That is a different issue..


----------



## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

Mr. B. Dad of 5 here and my W was ready to walk when she was deep in the fog now. She says she wont leave her kids depending on the daydream . Follow affaircares advice affaircare.com the 7 steps to ending an affair, similar to Marriage builders. 
Get an Individual counselor, a good friend to confide in and check on you. Take care of you health wise so you can be stable for the kids. Antidepressant or antianxiety if need be. This is a lousy roller coaster, but u will get through it. Remember it's not your fault she made the choice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HopeinHouston (Mar 1, 2010)

It can work out, if you want to work at it. Marriagebuilders has some great info you can work with, you do need some outside counseling, and the steps you outlined are great ones. 

I found out my wife was cheating on me, same thing as you, we have 3 kids, she 'loved me but wasn't in love with me', this guy made her feel like she had never felt, blah, blah, blah. 

It wasn't easy at all, but 14 months later we are doing great, we are truly healed. Things aren't perfect, there are still times I have anxiety, but we are truly happy, she can truly say that she loves me AND is deeply in love with me again. Things are great, and for me I'm glad I worked on it. It wasn't easy but it was worth it.


----------



## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Hey Mr. B---you are way to soft on this whole situation---with what you are allowing, she will either continue to cheat, or cheat again somewhere down the line
> 
> 1st lets get spark out of the way---mge. is very very hard work, and needs to be worked at, and communicated about---If there is a problem, the 2 of you need to talk about it, and forcefully if necessary, so the problem, is looked at and solved---You want spark--the 2 of you need to go out on dates, do fun things, etc., etc.---but what did your wife do---she found it was easier to give her heart to another, and spread her legs for him
> 
> ...


This is the right way. She needs a touch of what the future holds. Let the other man Love her with a permanent spark and see if he is really than keen.

Why should you walk away from the kids? You've done no wrong. You'd miss them and although they'd miss mom, let her walk away. Don't you walk as it could have legal implications in your State. 

Look at daycare for the little ones. Start with some magazines left around the house. She'll soon pick up the seriousness of your message. Definitely no nights out with the girls. 

Sounds as if there is no remorse. The 'I love you but not in love with you' is the fog she's experiencing, or she wants more time to plan her exit strategy since she got caught out sooner than anticipated.

She needs to work hard to keep her family and you need to heal from the shock of her treacherous behaviour towards her husband and her family. 

If there were problems, you needed to communicate not run off into the arms of another.


----------



## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

I will type up a response later, but i just wanted to point out to you that I was happy to see this statement:

"But we also have 3 very young children, and we are very comfortable in our lifestyle."

That demonstrates a clear presence of mind that few have in this situation. So i wanted to give you a pat on the back for not flipping out.

You are going to hear all kinds of things, a lot of "leave the ho-bag" and "follow these steps". I encourage you to use the same objectivity to anything that myself or others say and use that clear state of mind to evaluate it.


----------



## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

HopeinHouston said:


> It can work out, if you want to work at it. Marriagebuilders has some great info you can work with, you do need some outside counseling, and the steps you outlined are great ones.
> 
> I found out my wife was cheating on me, same thing as you, we have 3 kids, she 'loved me but wasn't in love with me', this guy made her feel like she had never felt, blah, blah, blah.
> 
> It wasn't easy at all, but 14 months later we are doing great, we are truly healed. Things aren't perfect, there are still times I have anxiety, but we are truly happy, she can truly say that she loves me AND is deeply in love with me again. Things are great, and for me I'm glad I worked on it. It wasn't easy but it was worth it.


Amazing, I still dont see how you could trust her again, how everytime she goes out you dont wonder if shes doing it again.I really hope things work out for you two and its really great to hear about a marriage than survived this. God Bless.


----------



## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

twotimeloser said:


> I will type up a response later, but i just wanted to point out to you that I was happy to see this statement:
> 
> "But we also have 3 very young children, and we are very comfortable in our lifestyle."
> 
> ...


:iagree: Very sound advice, I dont think there is a one size fits all way to deal with this. I think this is a good place to get imput and to vent, then decide what you think fits the situation.
One thing for sure is the marriage cant heal until the OM is gone and I sure wouldnt let have her cake and eat it two.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

If you truly want to give it your best shot then follow the advice of those who said to seek professional help.

In the meantime, take care of yourself, as well as your kids, emotionally, physically and mentally.

Happiness comes from within and it is the responsibility of each of us to seek it.


----------



## Wolf359 (Jun 10, 2010)

RWB said:


> Do not leave your house. Pay the bills, take care of the kids. Do not argue, just state the rules (write them down). Secure the finances now. Get a divorce lawyer and be prepared for the worst.



:iagree::iagree::iagree:


You see what she wants, don't you ? She wants to be "IN LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME ALL THE TIME" Not going to happen unless you are a teen. AKA have a new boy friend every 3 weeks. I say it sounds like she wants to sample a lot of sausages. Maybe she would like to be a call girl and make money. I can not believe her family or your family would not scream at her for This. 3 kids and she wants a open Marriage, WTH is wrong with her. I need to be in love all the time. Ya right she is in a affair, soon it will be, I'm so sorry, I do not want to lose you Bla bla bla bla. She will lose her nice life, and have nothing but sh-it left. Then you can just LOL at her.


----------



## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Hello MrBrady,

I said I would post later, and though it is a day or so later, I am finally going to say something…

A lot of this will echo my other posts, but this is specifically about your situation.

So right now, you have a wife who has taken it upon herself to step outside the marriage for her needs, instead of assertively seeking those needs from you. In response to that, you have set some boundaries and asked her to conform to those boundaries in order to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and positive environment for the children. So far, so good, but there are some concerning issues that need to be addressed. 

Your wife is looking for “that spark” again. Well, that spark is what most people call the “Honeymoon phase” of a relationship. It comes in to effect at the beginning of a relationship and it is nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain. The chemical is called Oxytocin – it is the same chemical that flows in childbirth and creates bonds to an infant. It is also produced during breastfeeding to create a bond. This is why women create an extra bond to their spouses when a new kid comes around and often times women think that having more children will improve the relationships.

Unfortunately this is just temporary and within the first 3-4 years that chemical bond is reduced and is supposed to be replaced by actual bonding. What your wife is looking for is something that she will be chasing her entire life unless she matures emotionally. She will end up in a series of 4-5 year relationships and she will end each one because the “Spark” has left. Many people end up in this cycle and then one day wake up old and married, feeling like they settled for less than they should have.

There is a book that touches on this called “The 5 Love Languages” and it has multiple purposes. The main purpose of the book is to address the encoding and decoding aspects of communication between spouses. Ultimately it is the decoding and encoding of our messages to our spouses that builds the non-Oxytocin bond- in essence it is what makes us feel loved. Understanding how your wife decodes your actions and words will assist you in building that bond and a new level of understanding. I suggest it to everyone.

Now for some bold truth. Your wife will lie to you if she can get away with it, and even sometimes when she cannot. She has already cheated on you, so a lie is chump change compared to what she has already done. Expecting her to tell the truth is like expecting a heroin addict to be offended by marijuana users. The way to deal with these lies is by not being a liar yourself. 
What do I mean by that? Well you must follow through with your rules and boundaries. The difference between a threat and an ultimatum is consequence. In a threat, you do not actually follow through. Ultimatums always have action based results. So stick to the rules you have made. Ultimatums are not punishments; they are natural consequences to a set of demands. 

How are natural consequences different than punishments? Well, let’s say you run out of gas on the way to work. The car stopping, you having to walk for gas, and you being late to work are all natural consequences of running out of gas. You getting a ticket for blocking traffic or getting towed, or getting fired for being late. Those are punishments. When you speak to her, you must inform her of the natural consequences of her actions like “have to sell our house, split everything, and go our separate ways” but never punish her by calling her names, or telling her that her family will disown her or anything like that. 

You wanted to know if you should trust her. No, you should not. Not right now. If you can determine her personality type, then you can figure out the best way to get across to her, but do not offer her blind trust. Right now your “trust bank” in overdrawn. Why don’t you overdraw your bank account then ask for a loan, and see what the bank says. You won’t get that loan and it isn’t because you area a bad guy. 

You can forgive, sure… but trust has nothing to do with forgiveness. I HIGHLY suggest you read my post about trust here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/23390-one-mans-opinion-trust-issues.html . That is my full opinion on trust and what you should expect on the matter.

My only direct advice to what you should do is this: Forget the girl’s night out right now. It will most likely turn into sex night with the OM. She sought your permission to have an affair when she asked for an open marriage, and when you said no, she did it anyways. I would bet the farm on her using that night out to betray you. 

I would like to once again point out that YOU have to live with the consequence of any advice you take from these boards, both good and bad consequences. So always take everything with a grain of salt. 

My purpose is not to tell you what to do, It is to get you to understand how all this works, so that you can answer your own questions.

-	Twotimeloser


----------



## MrBrady (Mar 30, 2011)

HopeinHouston - I am glad to see a positive reply such as yours. I even read it to my wife, and it gave her hope as well. We have been to one counseling session so far, and have had had talks, and she has been changing direction often. Latest thing is that she believes (today) that she wants to make it work with us. She wants our family together. She said she is willing to even give up guy friendships altogether if that is part of it. So it's a good guesture and I'm glad to hear that. My thing is just that I have to figure out if I want to make this work truly, and how can i trust her again. Our therpist recommended some books i am going to look into - How Can I Forgive You? and After the Affair - the latter actually lays out rules very similar to mine. But i'd really like to talk more with you about how you got to the good place you are today. I don't see how that thing in my brain saying 'she will do it again' will go away.


----------



## MrBrady (Mar 30, 2011)

TwoTime - Thanks for all of the info. I really appreciate it, and do find it helpful. See my reply post to HopeInHouston to see where we are now. We got a hotel room this week, and actually shared it - her there some nights and me there a couple nights. Just because I didn't want to be in the same house w/ her. But we have had some good talks lately. I will NOT lower my defenses when it comes to trust right now, as you've said. I don't trust her now. I do like some things she is saying, and i HOPE she is being honest. But probably starting tomorrow (i'm going out w/ friends tonight), we will be back living together, and will be here for our kids, as we continue to figure out what our next moves are. She has therapy appointments weekly going forward for just her. We also have them jointly weekly, starting the following week. So I do feel i'm doing the right thing by not just following initial instincts and saying 'cya'. It's pretty hard to be civil, but i do feel like i'm absolutely the strong one in the relationship, and like many other guys would not be able to do so, I can keep it together for the most part. Looking forward to getting more good info from you and others on here. Glad i jumped in here to lay it out. It is helpful.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Mr B---Your wife doesn't get a say, or the ability to discuss the future of your mge----at this point you lay out the rules, and she follows them---its just that simple

She has still not gone NC, has she???

If that is the situation then you are still no-where's, and she is dictating, based on what she wants

You need to tell her that she can do what ever she wants, but that you will not share her---and you will never allow a wife of yours to sleep with other men, while married to you

She needs to decide what she wants---but you do not have to just sit and wait on her---It is said to not jump and make a decision regarding R, or D---BUT that is to be put into effect, when both partners are only involved with each other---right now you have a wife who is still in her A---and she is still disrespecting you, and by what she is doing, showing that she cares nothing for her own flesh and blood children

Stop sharing hotel rooms with her---stay in your house--move her to a room, with all her belongings, and sundries, or tell her she is free to leave, and not come back until she has no more lovers

This, at this point can only work, if you are very hard, and stay firm---no wishy-washy, nor lovey-dovey


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Welcome and sorry your here.
W and I are going on our 14th month since I confronted my wife and as far as emotions...here at TAM we all have the general problem with balancing out getting the trust back and trying to working it out.

I had a hell of time the 1st few months with recommiting but my wife wanted to reconnect and make it work. Thinking back I remember noticing the things that helped. There was alot of contact from W and I could account for her were abouts. Where ever she went it seemed to add up. The secrecy she onces had was gone. The affection towards me came back.

Thinking back I remember the large amount of time we spent together. I spend alot of time going out and alot of half days at work. We were together all the time, for me....us it was time we needed to reconnect and find some sence of commitment from W. I find it hard to understand why folks want or need to distance them selve from each other when they both want to recommit and work it out, but I see them so apart (hotel/seperate bedrooms) and giving each other space from each other when in my opinion if they want to reconnect they should do the oppisite and be together at all times. I quess some folks are scared of getting hurt again.

I quess once you both understand why the marraige took a grap and a spouse steps out one would think that to repair it one would be closer then ever in sharing in the repair and rebuild process instead of creating more space between each other. 

Again this is coming from the guy 14 months in.

I hope in time you will see and she will show you the commitment that is needed from her to raise your comfort level. It does take time and the need to validate and comfirm her commitment through your own investigation.

I have found through time that my investigation and research is needed less and less due to her continued efforts in proving her self. This is so important. It really is up to your W to see how much time it will take to raise your comfort level of trust to some managable level. Granted it will never be as high as it once was, but if your wife plays her cards right like my wife did it will get to a point where your trust level will get past pariniod and more towards a level to were you can trust that she is really going to the store and not contacting OM. 

Your wifes behavior and her action hinge on everything. There was no way I would ever take W back if she didn't except the consequences of constantly being watched and giving her self back to me. She gave me the control in managing her totaly. My wife was a real trooper in taking the things I needed from her in order to get my trust level to some managable point. 

If your wife is willing to completely give her self over to you and let you do what you need to do to regain *some* trust you both have a chance. It will be hard...mostly on her.

For me, in getting my trust back my W lost the privilage of having a life, she gave it over to me. No privacy, no time with friends, and constant accountablity. Again it gets easier for her as time has passed. Basicily her freedom is comeing back the more she regains my trust.

If your wife is willing to do the work your trust will come back. But if she putts up the walls...whitch I see alot here on TAM. it will be a long fight.

By the way its been two weeks since I searched through her things, or looked at bank statemants. I used to do it two times a day.

I find trust through confirmation and validation, 14 months ago I trusted blindly. Some may think I'm nuts but after 20 years of marraige and two kids, I have to much to lose in this investment. But make no mistake if I catch her again, I'm will throw it all away just out of princapal...no matter how much it hurts, and my wife knows it, that is why she had to give her self back over to me.

Sorry for the rant, the bottom line... it is up to your wife to make it work and to regain your trust. If she doesn't see that then see will be sorry. She will end up old and alone in a house full of cats.


----------



## MrBrady (Mar 30, 2011)

Hello all - It's been awhile. Since you last read about me, we have had lots of ups and downs, and we are now at a decision to separate. Why? 2 main reasons: 1) I can only move on WITH HER if she is willing to earn back my trust, and be here 150% working for US, and 2) She is NOT ready to do that - she wants more freedom; she wants to be on her own; She is still not sure if she wants to be with me, and if she really wants to try to bring back the 'in love' part of a marriage. 

So those 2 things are very contradictory, so that is why I have to agree on a separation. We have still been living together, and we have started getting nasty, and with 3 small children in the picture, we do not want to be that way towards each other. So we either file for Divorce, or separate. We figured out a way to separate - she gets an apartment, and I stay in the house - we share the kids 50/50 mostly. We both lean towards Separation as it will give us a chance - a small chance probably, but a chance, that the separation will bring us back together. 

But yet another 2 things must happen during separation: 1) She must realize that she wants me, and does love me, and will appreciate me, and will work to earn back my trust, whatever it takes. and 2) I have to realize that I do want her back, and that I can forgive her, and that I think I can move on, and become like I was, trusting, and non-paranoid, etc.

She will be moving out in less than a week. It's just been a VERY sad time. She has been more optimistic about the move - probably somewhat looking forward to the freedom. And I'm just not happy that my wife of 6 years is moving out, even though it is possible that it may be for the best.

We'll just have to see how it goes. She does realize that if we are allowed to see other people (she wants that), that I could very much end up finding someone else, and if she wants me back, it may be too late.


----------



## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

Well good luck, I am no success story but I have chosen to fight for my M til I can't anymore. We have not gotten nasty so each has its own issues. I just listened to a podcast yesterday that suggests structured seperations if you hope to reconcile. Hitched or hitchedmag.com. suggests working with a councillor who has experience and success with seperations.
hang in there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I'm afraid that a separation only benefits the cheating spouse because it reinforces her belief that you'll always be there as a backup when things get bad for her. 

And how are you going to start a healthy and honest relationship with another woman if you're still a married man?

Separation is nothing more than adults playing at divorce because they're too afraid of the real thing.


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I hope everything works out for the best. Although, if you both plan on seeing others I don't see how it could work. You are still married and if you choose to date other women, you will lose your moral high ground.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

morituri said:


> Separation is nothing more than adults playing at divorce because they're too afraid of the real thing.


In some countries a separation is required before divorce. It is 12 months in Australia..


----------



## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

And in Virginia, unless you have an "at fault" divorce over something like, say, INFIDELITY. But I took Disbelief's tactic and hung in there until I basically hung myself. I am really happy for Houston and his wife. I so wish it could have gone that way for us. But I am only half of the sandwich. I hope your wife gets a clue and realizes in short time what she is going to lose. I hope you can get it back to good. Be clear on one thing: though neither of you are perfect (I'm just going out on a limb with that one) , she screwed up here. When I said to go to a lawyer now, I think I was talking to me more than you. That's what I SHOULD have done, hindsight and all that. I don't want you--the "innocent" one--to get taken like I did. Your kids need you more than her now, because she is just all about herself, and you aren't. So don't let them down thinking you're doing them a favor. Seeing her with another man will confuse and hurt them, and if you can keep that from becoming an issue, that is best for them. It's about what's best for them now, and she may not be it at this point. 
I am really rooting for you two. But all of the posts here are correct and true from their writer's points of view. This separation stuff can turn so ugly so fast. Protect your kids, Daddy. I know you will.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

ing said:


> In some countries a separation is required before divorce. It is 12 months in Australia..


True but in many countries it is not.

I may be wrong but I suspect that this may not be the case with MrBrady and if that's true then I stand by my previous comment regarding separation.


----------

