# Husband prefers porn to sex



## maggie66 (Mar 8, 2013)

Ok, I have found out that my husband prefers to watch porn rather than have sex with me!!! I confronted him about it as i found porn on his laptop and he denied it. We had a huge argument and then of course he admitted it. I am so gutted, hurt and insulted.Both by the porn and then the lies
We havent had sex in what seems like forever- probably twice in 12 months.
I am attractive, Im not overweight.. I enjoy sex alot
I am feeling so numb, no idea what to do about this:


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

maggie66 said:


> Ok, I have found out that my husband prefers to watch porn rather than have sex with me!!! I confronted him about it as i found porn on his laptop and he denied it. We had a huge argument and then of course he admitted it. I am so gutted, hurt and insulted.Both by the porn and then the lies
> We havent had sex in what seems like forever- probably twice in 12 months.
> I am attractive, Im not overweight.. I enjoy sex alot
> I am feeling so numb, no idea what to do about this:


First of all how old is he and how long have you guys been married?I don't get how a man could be a lover of porn and not a lover of sex.Twice in a full year?How often have you guys had sex in previous years?


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

maggie66 said:


> We had a huge argument and then of course he admitted it.


I will presume you have asked him why?


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

It's not ok for him to do this to you and your marriage. 
He needs to be shocked into understanding the damage he's doing. This is what causes emotional disconnect and you deserve better.

I would tell him that only he can control his actions but your boundaries are such that you won't stay in a relationship where he treats you this way. That if you want to consider counseling the porn has to go and counseling is a must. 

Everyone deserves to feel attractive loved and desired.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maggie66 (Mar 8, 2013)

Jack I,
I am 47 and he is 51yrs, we have just had our 26th wedding anniversary. We usually have a great relationship, The sex has been almost non exsistant for a few years. Im going insane!!!!!
We use to have great sex, we'd explore, play and enjoy. But I dont understand how and why he would be now choosing porn over the real thing.
If i was ugly or fat or unattractive- Id maybe understand a little,But I have guys hitting on me, But cos im such an honest person i would never hurt him.
So im not understanding this at all- its doing my head in big time..


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## maggie66 (Mar 8, 2013)

And Stranger, Yeap I asked him, he denied it again and again. And of course i didnt accept that cos I saw it, So then he agreed and Of course he wont talk about it.Grrrrr


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Not a good place Maggie.

However, you do need to dig into this for both your sakes. It isnt right that he enjoys porn more than sex with his wife and dare I say this but it really should not matter if your overweight or not as to if you both have sex. 
Hes 51, is there any chance there is a medical issue going on here? Erectil dysfunction or issue of that natre that he cannot talk to you about (seems strange in a marridge where you both seemed open and happy to talk and explaore) The first point everyone jumps to is --- infidelity etc but there are sometimes issues that cause issue for guys and TBH guys are THE worst sex for not talking about their body issues. You are right to be upset. If the shoe was on the other foot Im sure he'd be hurt angry and feeling more tha a little disrespected.


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

maggie66 said:


> Of course he wont talk about it.Grrrrr


You need to get this out in the open. He had sex with you only twice for the list year but he looks at porn. 

For some reason he really doesn't want to have sex with you. You need to get this in the open. It's more likely that the issue is not sex perhaps he resents you for something.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

First of all, of course he's going to deny it. I'll go out on a limb and say that the majority of women don't watch porn and don't want their husbands watching it. So when a guy is caught, his first inclination s to deny.

Having said that, why did he turn to porn (and, I assume, masturbation)? Could it be that his attempts to initiate (or his waiting for you to initiate) have failed? How was your sex life before? Did it suddenly stop or was it gradual? Did your interest stop before his or visa versa?

It could be that the frustration he feels from the rejection of his efforts to have sex with you are far worse than the frustration of just having to take care of things himself.

He may ABSOLUTELY want to have sex with you. But if he's looking to have sex twice a week and you're interested in once per month, he'll turn to porn and masturbation either as a temporary substitute of a complete rejection of any further attempts to have a sexual relationship with you.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Don't let your husband off easy and pretend this is no big deal.
You deserve answers to the questions you have.

Make a list and get answers in a calm talk with him.
Tell him how his actions make you feel.Hes choosing
make believe over you.

Maybe you can find out what he likes and give him some of the real thing.Opening up is scary but what do you have to loose.

If this dosen't change resentment and distance will set in.

Rule out any medical problems,depression or his past history.
He needs to do what it takes,as a healthy sex life between couples is normal.


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