# So he makes contact....



## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

So glad I didn't call my stbxh yesterday like I wanted to. This is what I woke up to in my inbox this morning:

once again you take whats not yours and leave nothing..well i hope you got everything becouse that was my last check...thanks again!..maybe you dont think so but i got to pay bills too and i cant when you put your fat fingers in and just take what you want. i do not work for superlite anymore they closed...you happy now...i had 295 in that bank to pay the car payment and you took it again...i had to pay my perents back from the last time you did this...that was all i had left..8 ****ing dallors...look i dont support kyle..i support dylan...you need to stay out of my money..its not yours...understand that! clear enough for you!...you need something for dylan...i will get it for you...you dont help yourself to my money again...i will be calling CPS and the IRS today...if you cant take care of dylan then i will see to it that i do! you need to put 295 back in the bank today and stay the **** out of it! have a great day.


He is referring to my paying the cable bill out of the joint acct. What he fails to acknowledge is the 900. he took out friday and apparently spent over the weekend. I shouldnt of responded....but I did with this:



Your tantrums and threats have no affect on me any longer Danny. If you can't handle yourself and choose to spend all your money over a weekend rather then help support your child then that's on you. But we had an agreement, one which you have yet to honor. You complain any time I use the JOINT account to pay a bill. You have done nothing at all to support your child, to spend time with him/parent him so don't ever tell me how you only support Dylan...you are not and have not since you abandoned us. You have done nothing to act like his father in the least. Your desires and wants have clearly come before any obligations or responsibilities you have. Running out on your family, moving home to live with your parents at 42, cheating during your marriage/having a girlfriend does not make your family disappear. We're still here whether you like it or not and I will do whatever I need to to protect my children and keep them safe and secure. Something you sorely lack. Every move I've made has been for them and our future...every move you've made has been for your benefit and wants.

If you can't pay the payments on the car, bring it back to me and I will keep it for Kyle...as that was what was supposed to happen anyways. I'm sure I can get your name off the loan without a problem. I've already let them know that should it come down to a repo that that is what I will do. They are well informed on what is going on. 

I'll be contacting an attorney this week and will let you know whom I hire and their contact information. I would prefer no more emails/msgs/phone calls from you as you cannot seem to talk without issuing threats and cruelty. I'm done allowing your abuse. Any further contact can be handled through the court and our attorneys.


So hard to believe that two months ago I thought we were doing ok....happy even....planning for a future....maybe even relocating for his job....two months ago I thought he loved me...


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

He loves you.. I wish you did not send the email. Let him believe you are over him, by telling him how wrong he is, makes you look bitter. I agree you should be bitter toward the situation. But he same like an attention ***** so he enjoys make you upset.. No talking with him let your action speak for you in Court only....
Good luck!
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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

He loves me? Oh I don't think so....not sure he even knows what that is. I wish I didnt send it either....rash decision and I regret it.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I dunno. I like the response. You need to get a lawyer. You also need to save the bills you pay.

You really need to document the abandonment too and get that filed soon so he has no chance of getting the children just to spite you.

What a F$!&ing loser.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

melissa68 said:


> He loves me? Oh I don't think so....not sure he even knows what that is. I wish I didnt send it either....rash decision and I regret it.


He may not love (now) you but I sure do. That response was beautiful! I couldn't have put it better in my own words to be honest. You didn't get nasty or blame him, you just said what he refused to listen to.

Now give this time to sink in and get a very aggressive attorney; put forth all the paper work you have to. Nevermind what I said in the other forum I think the initial shock of being served might do him some good and help him man up this time. If you start seeing him change then let him know you like what you see but you need to see congruencies to stop anything. He has to impress you and act like a father to win your approval.


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

Melissa, I think your response was great and understandable given his email. Give yourself a break, you react because you are human!! I agree with the others, get a lawyer. A good one & file. If he does correspond with you, whether by text or email sent a stock response to them, something like.. Thank you for your correspondence, it has been forwarded to my lawyer. Kind regards x

Keep a cool head. That will throw him. More than any heartfelt response ever will, he won't read it the way you have written it anyway! I think the issue now is not if he loves you or not (he probably does) but he is projecting his anger & guilt at you because it's easier to blame you than admit his failings as a human being. I am going through the same crap with my STBXH the divorce should be final in 6 weeks or so, yet despite him having had an affair, even getting engaged to his mistress, I am to blame for the marriage ending because I didn't try hard enough?!?WHATEVER!! You & your kids come first now, be selfish & stay strong.. HUGS XX
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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

i didn't see the original email you sent, but i don't see how anyone can say he loves you from that response! just the words 'fat fingers' has me burning!


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

Ok is there no low this man will go to? I went to the bank today to see about taking my name off the joint account and to open one for just me. Well I found out that my "husband" had put a stop payment on the cable bill....I inquired what our balance was and it was the the amt of the cable bill minus the fee to do a stop payment. Not only is he evil but he's stupid too....so I did a withdrawal for the 250 left in the account and closed the account completely. So now he has no account and anothe strike against him as I'm sure the court will not think kindly of him stopping payment on our utilities....idiot. I'm so angry...and slightly amused too since he will be fuming when he finds out his plan was thwarted. One more step to having him out of my life....I have to say that each thing he does like this just makes it easier to let go.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Wow, Melissa. Your husband sounds awful.

But, I guess the one brightside to all this is that the more of a poophead he is, the easier it is to hate him. 

I found that it is sometimes easier to feel angry with your estranged husband than it is to be sad/rejected by him.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this! How awful! I didn't know that people that despicable actually existed.


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

melissa68 said:


> One more step to having him out of my life....I have to say that each thing he does like this just makes it easier to let go.


LOL! Gotta be honest my STBXH keeps doing stupid a$$ stuff like this too... Whenever he spits his dummy out like this I just think, my god I can't wait to be rid of you!!!

Seriously though, he's no longer thinking. Just acting. The court wont see the funny side!! More fool him. Just don't react to anything he throws at you. Smile sweetly & say thank you, thi will infuriate him more as like most bullies he needs a rection and you can feel secure in the knowledge that he is making this so much esier for you to come out on top. Sucker!!!:smthumbup:


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

I agree....right now I am just enjoying his stupidity and sitting back watching him dig himself deeper. I am moving on....things are going fine for me and the boys and he seems to be getting more angry and more rotten. Guess his newfound freedom isn't so freeing after all. 

JPR...I didn't realize how low he could go either....was always too busy making excuses for him but now that I've stopped and have stepped back to see it for what it really is...wow he's the bottom of the barrel.


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

Somebodys mad....my "husband" just called....I didn't pick up...actually a little afraid to...sure he's all shades of angry about the money and wanting to vent all over me. Funny how it takes money to get a call from him....couldnt get one for all this time before...hmmm


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Good for you melissa, the more stupid crap they do the eaiser it is to detach and step back and see them for what they are. Im proud of you keep it up i know you can do it. these past few days i have been feeling better and better seeing what an idot i married who acts like a child. keep strong
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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

Amazing how different they are when you get a little distance and perspective unsure...I was so busy making excuses for him and wanting to 'fix things' that I couldnt see just how awful he was.

What I find so amazing is that during our marriage he would get so upset at my exhusband from my first marriage for not being a dad to my two boys, for not supporting them and leaving it all on us...and in the first two months he is worse than my ex could of ever dreamed of being! Amazing.


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

melissa68 said:


> Amazing how different they are when you get a little distance and perspective unsure...I was so busy making excuses for him and wanting to 'fix things' that I couldnt see just how awful he was.
> 
> What I find so amazing is that during our marriage he would get so upset at my exhusband from my first marriage for not being a dad to my two boys, for not supporting them and leaving it all on us...and in the first two months he is worse than my ex could of ever dreamed of being! Amazing.


It's funny isn't it? My husband was outraged as my ex brother in law's behavior towards my sister & her children. He said he could never understand how a man could treat his own kids so disrespectfully and how he was a such a sh!t for making my sisters life hell after she divorced him for having an affair... Ha! Fast forward 10 years and look who going down the same path...
I don't know what I expected when even he has admitted before he is a hypocrite.. 

If they could see themselves, they would be ashamed. Fog is the right word for it xx
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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

It sounds like you have found great strength. It looks like if he is going to be this financially irresponsible you are going to want to get moving quickly w/ your lawyer. Good luck... find a bull dog!


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

mamatomany, I think the minute I saw him put up on his FB that he was "in a relationship" that was it for me....I had many more cries...and I'm sure there are many more to come but that was my defining moment....my moment of waking up I guess. 

I've called some attys and am finding they are quite expensive...not sure what I'll do...can't afford to let go of that kind of money when I don't know where the next will come from.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

thats what did it for me to, when he went back to his who## girlfriend, then had the disrepect to get angry at me and threaten not to see his son when i got upset. i have barley cried since then, im still lonley and hurt but 
like you said i woke up. im sure someone on here can advise you on the legal end.

if i can ask what are you going back to school for?
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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

unsure, I went to school for Medical Assisting and Phlebotomy. I LOVED going to school. I graduate in May. Makes me a little sad as my stbxh was so supportive of my going to school and always talking about how he was going to be the one in the audience cheering me on...pushing me to do the whole cap and gown ceremony. I had to decide recently if I was going to do that or not....ceremony or have my degree sent to me in the mail. I chose the mail as I wasent sure even where things would be by May...but you know what? even tho he left the week I was to start my externing, I did it....would cry the whole way there....sit in the parking lot, clean myself up and go do it. I finished my phlebotomy extern and am halfway thru my medical assisting one. I have about three weeks left. Now I just need someone to hire me!


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