# Not getting any easier (depressed)



## juice73 (Jun 18, 2012)

It's been over 3 months now since my wife told me she is moving out of out place and the pain I feel inside has not subsided at all. She moved out a month after telling me she was going. We where the best of friends and the final month was one of our best months in years but she still left. I love this woman with every once of my body and soul and there is nothing I would not do for her (even helped move her into her new place) such a sucker I am. This is not the first time We have been apart as a couple years ago she kicked me out but we patched things up after a month apart. 
She has told me the reason why she left if she just felt like something was missing but could not or would not tell me what. I suffer from Multiple Sclerosis which has slowed me a little, mostly fatigue, and I was only working a few hours a week when I could have been doing some more to help with the finances. She also told me she was pissed at me for not working a little more to make it a little easier on us financially. 
Since she has left I have had thoughts of ending it all and not being here anymore, but thankfully I realized that nobody is worth me doing that to myself. What really sucks is she is my best friend (maybe somewhere inside of me I know that we are better off as friends), but she is pushing me away even though she says she wants to be friends. 
I am having a hard time dealing with talking with her only a few times a month. I miss her so much as we have shared 13 years of our lives together and now I feel like the trash just thrown out to rot and she could care less.
I am seeing a councilor and he is helping me a lot. I am a very shy guy and have no clue how I will ever meet someone again. And right now that's the last thing I ever want, but I do need to develop some type of confidence in myself, I just don't know how.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Oh Juice, I can feel the pain in your words. I'm so glad that you realize no-one, no matter how much you love them, is worth ending your life over. 

From what I know of MS (I know two people who have it), stress can cause a worsening in symptoms, so I'm sure I don't have to tell you to take care of yourself. This is your time to work on being the best you can be and building up that self-confidence. Spoil yourself. Do things you enjoy doing. Spend time with friends. Be good to yourself.

Hugs.


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## juice73 (Jun 18, 2012)

Thanks Flower. I have been going out with friends and they have been helping a ton. I have always been the guy/friend/boss that people came to with their problems so this has been very difficult for me to open up to them and share my problems with them. I am slowly coming around though. 
And in regards to the MS I did have a flare up during the final month she was in the house most likely brought on by all the stress of this situation. Thankfully the symtoms went away after a few weeks.
It is so hard though, all I want to do is just talk and see her. I am not stupid I know she does not want to be with me anymore (she is already seeing someone). I just want to keep the friendship, but I am afraid she does not want to maintain it anymore.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

What do you want out of a friendship with her? My initial feeling when my husband said he wanted to stay friends was relief. We would still see each other. I wouldn't lose him completely. In the end, in spite of his assurances that we would still spend time together (all said before he finally confessed there is someone else), it seems as if he just sees being friends means being civil. And, as time goes on, I am seeing that it is probably for the best. I think it would be extremely difficult to spend time with someone you still love when you know they don't feel the same way. The pain would just be refreshed every time you saw her.


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## juice73 (Jun 18, 2012)

You know it is probably more the companionship with her. I never allowed myself to ever feel so strongly for anyone before and don't know if I ever could again. The things we shared can not be replaced. We had a great marriage, never fought, actually we where best friends and that was an issue something more was missing. I just don't want to loose the friendship. The more I read on here and write about this the more I know we can not be together again, but my feelings for wanting to just talk and share with her are as strong as ever.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I hope it works for you. You might want to give it some time first though. Work through some of your feelings so that when you do get together, you don't come across as needy. Build up your confidence so that she sees a strong person who is doing just fine without her. I know, easier said than done. Believe me I know. But I think you will have a stronger friendship if you go back into it a stronger person.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi Juice - Speaking for myself, I finally realized I had to have enough self-respect to let go of a husband who no longer put value on me and our marriage. I do not want to be "just friends" with him, because it keeps me tied to the pain and the longing for the past happier times with him -- I have to move on for my own sanity. Why torture yourself by staying bonded to someone who does not want to be with you? I think you will start healing and feeling better whn you can let her go, begin to heal properly and be open to a new chapter. Easier said than doen, I know. Stay strong, and love yourself first!

Best,- A12


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Where are you, Juice? How are you doing today?


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## Vyking (May 11, 2012)

Hi Juice,
My wife walked out on me nearly 8 months ago after 34 years together.
It took me almost 6 months to get over the worst of the pain, everyone here on this forum will tell you it gets better and it does but it takes time.

Please see a doctor and get some anti-depressants, they helped me enormously.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I feel the pain.. the hardest thing to get over is the companionship you had from that person.

Watching TV alone sucks.


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