# Destroyed my marriage before it got started



## Screwedupbigtime (Mar 17, 2016)

I have been with my SO for four years I never cheated on him before but that is moot. After getting married in August of last year. I shortly after had an affair. I started a friendship with a male who then turned into the AP. We texted and went out together for lunch and breakfast on occasion before the sex came into play. Either way this lead me to have an affair with that person up until November. I kept everything from my SO and lied about stuff such as us just being friends. I also allowed the AP to call my SO to apologize to him for the mess that we were doing but it was all a lie. Because we did not tell the whole truth. Anyway to make this long story short. I told my SO that I was in love with this AP and that I only loved my SO. I also told my SO that I had doubts about the marriage because I couldn't fathom that I would one do such a thing and two fall in love with someone else that was not him. When my SO asked me to cut off all contact with AP at the time I said no because at this point I was still lying about even having an affair I was making it seem like we were just friends when he found the text messages. After all of it finally came out which I told to one of my sisters and then exposed it to my husband. I now still work at the job and have not quit I am actively looking for a new job I do not talk to the AP. I love my husband and I want is to work out but I know I did and said a lot of hurtful and painful stuff that . Forgot to mention the affair did not end because of me the other person ended it and when that happen. I had both an emotional and physical affair. After all this I am asking my SO to work it out with me. I am asking him to push past the fact that I told him that I was in love with AP, that I had doubts of this marriage and the fact that I let AP call him. Bringing embarrassment, disrespect to our family and to him to ask to reconcile and work it out. I have done things to show him that I want to be with him but it might not be enough I have cut all ties with that person I do not talk to that person I have been looking for another job and showing I. Loving ways that I love my husband. I digress I take fully responsibility of my actions and all that I have done I this. And I want my husband and our family. Realistically I don't see it happening but I am hoping that we can be again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

So you were cheating before you married and then continued cheating after you were married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I wish you the best of luck. If I were your husband all of your belongings would be out in the yard for your convience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

So you decided that you loved your husband AFTER you got dumped. Do you know what your husband is going to think about that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Well, Screw sorry that you are here. I just want to warn you that you will get some harsh comments. Keep an open mind and listen. 

I personally understand how you got to the affair. Coworker, texts, lunches etc. You followed the classic path and then did the classic actions - lying, "just friends", trickle truth etc. 

I am confused about one comment you made : "I told my SO that I was in love with this AP and that I only loved my SO. " Not sure what you meant to say. Do you love both? Your journey will be hard because YOU did not break off the affair. Your AP did.

You cannot ask you husband to "push past" the fact that you are/were in love with another man. That is for him to figure out and decide whether or not to stay married to you. The timeline for this is purely up to him. It may take months or years or he may never forgive you. You cannot rush him. Yes, getting your AP to call you SO was a really, really low blow and slap in the face to your husband. Also, you consider your husband your Plan B after you got dumped by your AP. If your AP did not break it off, you would still be cheating. 

Unless you are at risk of losing your home or not eating due to finances, you should quit your job immediately, then look for another one. Show your husband that he and your marriage mean more to you than your job or money. 

Please tell us what your marriage was missing that you needed to seek out another person to meet your needs. Do you still feel the urge to contact the Other Man? Be honest. 

Do you have any kids? I hope not because divorce is most likely outcome of this.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

You did not give your marriage one thought while you did this and without any children or house in the picture, your man is probably checked out and you should prepare to separate. You demonstrated that he is a backup. Do him a favor and not let him ever feel that way and leave him.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

If you really want to try to fix things knowing that the odds are against you then you have to take decisive action to show your H that are truly remorseful. Basically, you screwed up so it is your job to clean up the mess. Start by scheduling IC and MC and read the book after the affair. Also do complete transparency (give all passwords to your social media and access to your cell) and be completely honest and answer all his questions that he asks no matter how many times he asks them. Then contact an attorney to write a post-nup and if that isn't enough for your H then tell him you'll agree to D and give him a good terms for asset division. If I were in his shoes I'd have to know that your lapse in loyalty would never happen again and that you valued the relationship enough that you'd do anything to preserve it. Also, if you were holding out on him sexually and did special things for the OM make sure you also do them for your H because you shouldn't get to hold something "special" as part of your affair that you won't share with the man that married you.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> *I love my husband *and I want is to work out but I know I did and said a lot of hurtful and painful stuff that . Forgot to mention the affair did not end because of me *the other person ended it* and when that happen. I had both an emotional and physical affair. _Posted via Mobile Device_


You love your husband...*what a joke*

You are not any where ready to be married 

You are still at a stage in life where you can not control your emotions and have a total lack of empathy at the minute

I recommend you allow your husband to find someone decent and have a happy life with out having memory's of your unfaithfulness and degrading behaviour of him

*You wont do that* though as the only person you put first *IS YOU*


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

You have stated what YOU want. What does YOUR HUSBAND want? Is he wanting to work this out or does he want out? How long ago did you expose?


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> After all this I am asking my SO to work it out with me. I am asking him to push past the fact that I told him that I was in love with AP, that I had doubts of this marriage and the fact that I let AP call him.


Right here is a killer

Too bad I hurt you.

Time to man up and push past that unbelievable soul crushing pain I forced upon (probably changing your perception of all women for the rest of your life). The reality was you weren't fully meeting my needs so I had to go screw another man. If you really were a great man and mind reader, you would have recognized that I have special needs that you needed to fulfill. Too bad you failed on that front. You forced me into the arms of another. You're lack of care in me forced me to seek the love and solace of another man.

So toughen up. Everything doesn't have to be about you.

Yeah.

To say you have an uphill battle would be an understatement.

You don't love your husband. You are done with him and this was your exit affair to make sure all bridges were burned so you can leave without the chance of ever coming back.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

No kids? Just end it and start over. Big learning experience. Use it to teach others. Stick around this forum and give advice. 

Let him start again. Don't even let him try to reconcile. Even if you do, it'll always be there. For both of you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> So you were cheating before you married and then continued cheating after you were married?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She says she started cheating on him soon after the wedding.

I think the marriage is doomed either way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

There is nothing to save. You destroyed your marriage before it even got started. He is never going to forget that. Your anniversary will be a constant reminder of you and your AP being in love. To top all of this you did not quit your job. That is on you. If you really wanted to fix this you would have left the very day this all came crashing down. Now your husband or soon to be exhusband gets to wonder all day if your off having sex with your AP. He gets all the wonderful mind movies of you and your AP laughing at him. 

Just divorce and move on.

C


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> Forgot to mention the affair did not end because of me the other person ended it and when that happen. I had both an emotional and physical affair. After all this I am asking my SO to work it out with me. I am asking him to push past the fact that I told him that I was in love with AP


So basically you want to Plan B him. Plan A failed because you were pumped and dump and now your BS is good enough. Pay no mind to the "ILYBNILWY" speech BS... Just kidding!

Hope this guy doesn't let himself get plan B'd. Not even a year into marriage and your fvcking someone else?!? He deserves better than you. Everyone does. You're not marriage material.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> She says she started cheating on him soon after the wedding.
> 
> I think the marriage is doomed either way.


Ah. All of the back and forth between "SO" and "husband" had me wondering.

And I agree... just pull the plug on this and get it over with, OP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Ok SUBT, why did you get involved with another man, notwithstanding so soon after saying I do. There's got to be a reason you weren't romantically interested in your husband and/or respect your marriage to enough to resist temptation and be disloyal this early in the game.


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## jetzon (Mar 16, 2015)

why the hell did you marry him to start with


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think I'd have a much harder time if my hb tried to work things out after his pos dumped him. 

I'd probably dump him with way. 

Offer him an amicable divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> I think I'd have a much harder time if my hb tried to work things out after his pos dumped him.
> 
> I'd probably dump him with way.
> 
> Offer him an amicable divorce.


Yep.

She gets dumped and then suddenly is in love w/ her husband again?

Yeah... I'm sure _that's_ sincere.

:slap:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

You cheated really soon after the wedding? You should have still been in the honeymoon phase. I could not even imagine cheating in the first year of marriage. 

I would give your marriage a -5% chance for the long term. You can keep fighting for it and waste the next few years before divorcing anyway, or you can divorce now and chalk this up to a bad experience and start the next phase of your life. 

I really don't think you are a very good wife at this point. Let him go so he can heal and find someone to be happy with.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You don't love your husband. You may have thought you did, but you don't. There was a brief time where you were infatuated with him and thought you loved him. You tricked yourself into a false mariage. 

Divorce him and let him heal and move on. You will only cheat on him again or leave him in the future, because there is no real love there.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> And I want my husband and our family. Realistically I don't see it happening but I am hoping that we can be again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This might be a case of learning a difficult life lesson that you can later use to be a better partner to another person. As we all know, it is up to your husband whether he will want to try to work this out. It would be very difficult though. 

Your screen name is "screwed up big time", but I think that you should realize that this was more than screwing up. Your actions were quite cruel and self-centered. You might be able to become a much better person, but there and some fundamental things that you need to change about yourself. 

I hope you do learn from this and become a better person. It will take time.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

OP, how old are you if I may ask?


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## Screwedupbigtime (Mar 17, 2016)

I was emotionally cheating by engaging in texting and going to breakfast and lunch with that person  so yes I was cheating before the marriage
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Screwedupbigtime (Mar 17, 2016)

I am in my thirties
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

:surprise:


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## Screwedupbigtime (Mar 17, 2016)

I agree that it is not a screw up but does show that my actions were cruel, selfish and all about me and this will be a life lesson
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Screwedupbigtime (Mar 17, 2016)

I married him because I loved him. Yea doesnt seem like it because I did what I did . in I thought about that severally times since the affair. I didn't see what I was doing previously such as texting and lunch as emotionally cheating . I see that now that it was and is. And from there it went physical. But again I went back and forth about me loving my SO
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Screwedupbigtime (Mar 17, 2016)

When I got dumped I didn't go back I still was thinking how could I have done what I did to my SO how could I have stepped out so I stayed away and sat back to think about it and what made me do it. Was. Unhappy before this was I just scared of being married because I am not ready was I looking for more and if so why. These are all the things that went on. But either way my actions cause pain and hurt and destruction of someone that I was suppose to love
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> I agree that it is not a screw up but does show that my actions were cruel, selfish and all about me and this will be a life lesson
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Screw, the affair was bad enough, but you must by now understand you made it even worse by

1) Having the affair before, during and immediately after your wedding.
2) Having your AP actually call your husband and give your husband a bunch of lies to deceive him. Really? Wow! :surprise:

3) Only ending the affair when your AP dumped you. YOU did not end it. 

4) Still working at the same job as your AP, even if you don't talk to him, as you say. 

All four of these only add to the cruelty of the affair.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

Have you been completely honest with your SO? Does he know
everything. That would be a start.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Screw, if your AP did not end the affair, would you still be involved with him? Think about that and try to answer honestly.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

ButtPunch said:


> Have you been completely honest with your SO? Does he know
> everything. That would be a start.


:iagree:

Minimum you could do for him


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> I married him because I loved him. Yea doesnt seem like it because I did what I did . in I thought about that severally times since the affair. I didn't see what I was doing previously such as texting and lunch as emotionally cheating . I see that now that it was and is. And from there it went physical. But again I went back and forth about me loving my SO
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But see....

When you are truly "in love" and loving a person honestly, there is no "back and forth". You just know. You feel the certainty of it with your whole being. There is no question. 

What you felt for your SO was not love. It was infatuation. Where I see a lack of maturity in you is your inability to tell the difference between the two. 

This is why you are doing your husband a disservice by remaining married to him. Someday you will meet a man who you will come to love truly and deeply, and you will know the difference.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> I married him because I loved him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Until you understand how wrong that statement is you will never be marriageable material


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Tough story. I feel very bad for your husband. I know how difficult this must be for him. 


You cheated during the honeymoon phase of your marriage. Hopefully you didn't give your husband an std.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Posters are saying let him go. They know how painful R is, how it goes on for years and generally SUCKS. Read some threads. 

I had the same thought as @blueinbr. 
Imagine if SO was having an EA before, during and after your wedding day which then went PA. 
Be realistic. Could you come back from that? I couldn't. I doubt he can, even if he wants to. 

If you hang your wedding photo on the wall, it will forever remind him of AP and your fake vows. That's just a tiny example of what lies ahead for him in R. 

You never mentioned SO's reaction, how he's doing etc. That may be part of the problem. 

You're both young and have no kids. 

Almost 100% of posters are telling you to let him go. 
So take the advice that you came here for. 

Good luck.


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## Screwedupbigtime (Mar 17, 2016)

Yes I have told my SO everything
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

I am curious OP....What is it like taking vows during a wedding know the activity you have been involved in? Was it in your head that it was over since now you are married? Were you thinking it wasn't a big deal because people to it all of the time now? What were you feeling when you said "I do"? Was it sinsere love or just obligation? Because to us it sounds more like "other men" should be added to your "I do".


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> Yes I have told my SO everything
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good. Now tell him you will be seeing a lawyer to prepare a no fault divorce petition and that you will be moving on. Tell him you like him too much to hurt him anymore by making him live a lie.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> Yes I have told my SO everything
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your vernacular speaks volumes milady. You don't regularly refer to him as your husband but rather your SO which is typically used as someone your dating or maybe live with. "Husband/wife" is a little more solid. ( Kind or like the different between renting and apartment or owning a home if you will. ) 
I understand why you cheated. Trust me.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

********** said:


> Almost 100% of posters are telling you to let him go.


OP, The only choice that that YOU have is whether or not to leave the marriage. 

Your HUSBAND will decide whether YOU stay or whether HE leaves.

You do not have choice to stay in the marriage. It is his. 

Please give him the option to hear ALL of the details of the affair. He may choose not to hear them.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Oh, and if the marriage ends by his choice or your choice, you should reimburse your husband for all of his wedding expenses. That is at least one honorable thing you can do.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Ah. All of the back and forth between "SO" and "husband" had me wondering.
> 
> And I agree... just pull the plug on this and get it over with, OP.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But now Screwed has admitted she was cheating before the marriage, so she was gaslighting all of the folks on TAM!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> But now Screwed has admitted she was cheating before the marriage, so she was gaslighting all of the folks on TAM!


Yeah. Lying is a bad habit to get into.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

This is a marriage that never was. 

End it and move on. Hopefully you'll be able to use this to make yourself a better person for the future.

Lies, trust issues not to mention the betrayal and infidelity this early. Just way too much baggage.


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## SoulCrushed16 (Feb 15, 2016)

So now you've realized that you love your husband? You cheated on him before, during, and after your marriage. Your vows are a sham. OM left you so you felt the need to go running back to your H? You didn't even have the decency to end the A. Btw, why do you keep referring to you H as your SO?


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## sparrow555 (Jun 27, 2015)

You are panicking.. Are you sure on what you want now?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> I was emotionally cheating by engaging in texting and going to breakfast and lunch with that person so yes I was cheating before the marriage
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Damn
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

You sound narcissistic.

You cheated for selfish reasons and you want to stay married for selfish reasons. It's not in your husband's best interest to stay married to you because statistically you will most likely cheat again as the reasons for you to cheat in the first place have not been resolved. People don't simply stop their cheating ways just because they got caught.

You need to fix you first before you can be a wife for anyone.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

I'd say all of this is very fresh.
Have you given him some space?

you need some counseling and he needs some too.

Emotions are raw.
Just telling you from the majority of experiences here healing takes time, a lot of time.

It may take 3-5 years for him to heal. But even then the dynamic of your infidelity will always affect this marriage.
The question is? can you live with that?


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Buy the book: "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass - Both of you NEED to read it.

If you really love your SO, go get marriage counseling. You have done a major screw up, you have HURT your husband far more than you know.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

@Screwedupbigtime : What does your Husband think about you and the marriage?
If he wants you to stay away, then do so. He's in charge if your relationship can be saved. You've be together for 4 years and its usually about 3~5 years or so when serious relationships get tested.

So a question: Do you WANT to be with your husband and be loyal - no matter what?

Prove to him, remorse. What that requires is not something we can say exactly what he needs. You are a cheater in a room full of those whose had their souls crushed. You're going to get mixed advice and statements. leave him to get a better woman *OR* somehow prove yourself worthy of many months, likely years of repairing the marriage you killed. As a friend told me, its dead. Start over.

So, tell us what he wants and what you are doing - you may get better feedback. Why did your AP dump you? Or was he playing you like some guys do?

I'm still early in my recovery and my WW is doing a lot to prove herself, she has more to do.

So PROVE to your husband that your marriage and love for him is #1.

1 - Either the AP or you quit the job. Sounds like the AP isn't going anywhere. You should have quit your job yesterday. So on monday, quit. Tell your boss/HS that you had a sexual affair with a co-worker - provide them with HIS name. You resign immediately. If your husband counts, you'll get another job... anywhere. Start at the bottom.

2 - If the AP is married, give your BH info to contact her.

3 - You owe your AP *NOTHING*. if you protect him, then it means you care about HIM than your husband. The POSOM lied to your husband, that means both of you did very bad things to him. That happened to me, it’s a crappy (nice way of saying it) to do to someone “you love”.

4 - Offer the post-op, that you will grant him a fast and painless divorce. You only take what is yours.

5 - Don't hide what you did to him..If he’s cool with it or wants it – you should let others know why you maybe getting divorced.

6 - Both of you need individual and couples counseling. There can not be “too much counseling”.

7 – Don’t lie about anything. You give him access to everything that is password protected. You google account, your facebook account, your email, etc. You don’t delete anything on your phone. And together – remove contact info from your phone.

Whatever he asks you – you tell him. If he wants to know how many moles are on the POSOM’s butt – you tell him.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> When I got dumped I didn't go back I still was thinking how could I have done what I did to my SO how could I have stepped out so I stayed away and sat back to think about it and what made me do it. Was. Unhappy before this was I just scared of being married because I am not ready was I looking for more and if so why. These are all the things that went on. But either way my actions cause pain and hurt and destruction of someone that I was suppose to love
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I would say you are still not ready to be married.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Welcome to TAM my Lady. 

You are going to read and learn a lot of stuff just like me. Some comments you will find hard or rude then some of them will be nice to read. 

I am not going to attack you because it is your life and your decisions but you should really ask yourself a question is it a good decision staying with your husband. Maybe you will hurt him even more and yourself but then maybe you can stay together and grow old together. 

I dont know reasons for your cheating or why did you cheat but I belive your Husband did not deserve it. Only you can answer them. When you find the answer to WHY then you can start the healing proces for both of you.

In one post you write "I LOVED HIM" that is past tense. Correct me If am wrong,my English is bad.

At this moment your Husband is your Plan B.

Did you get tested for STDs,did you tell him or write him the truth about your Affair ? Things you did with OM and posibly denied to your Husband ?

Dont wait for him to tell you what to do. You are Lady in 30s so you should know how to tell someone that you love him/her and how sorry you are.

I really hope you stay with us.

Stay strong and take care


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

OP.....have you considered that you not letting him go to be happy just so you can be happy can be considered a form of selfishness? Sometimes putting him first by letting him go will help him with his pain. You need to put your marraige aside and put him first. If you are not willing to do that for him because it's not what you want, than there is not point in moving forward. He was neglected and burned by you. He knows your wedding ceremony was pretty much fake. He got married and you did not. Keeping him from being pain free and being happy should be your goal even if you end up divorcing. It will be painful for you but you will come away a better person.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

My advice is just let your husband move on. Make it as easy for him as possible. Just ask yourself that if your husband did to you what you did to him, would you want him back? Would you be able to forgive him? Just let it go and both of you move on and start clean. It's the fair way to do it.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

OP,

I am not going to bash you but am going to tell you some truths.

(1) the odds of a successful reconciliation are less when the female cheats. Lots of documented reasons in books such as "Not Just Friends" but if this had been a one time occurance you would already be swimming upstream
(2) the trickle truth and lying is in many cases more devastating than the sex, and you provided plenty of that.
(3) you did not just have an affair. You have been a serial cheater.

The books all say if two people are busting their butts it takes 2-5 years to get past it. Not sure if I totally agree with that, but you do not have two peolple working towards anything.

You need to figure yourself out before you become a safe partner for anyone, and that is not going to happen in one or two weeks or months with a therapist. 

Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself the question. If your OM had not dumped you, would you be posting here on this forum telling strangers how sorry you are and how much you wasn't your husband.

I think most here know the answer to that one Learn from this experience, but I really would be amazed if your husband could get through what you have put him through.


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## CoolItMan (Mar 19, 2016)

White women are predisposed to cheating/infidelity due to the morally corrupt Western Culture that raised them.


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## old red (Jul 26, 2014)

This has been a fairly consistent accusation of late. Living with my white wife for the last 23 years makes me think that you are completely wrong, and a bit of a clown. And then, I happened to read this from the Asia Times:



The number of marriages has fallen by 20% since 2012. “In Iran, the customary marriage age range is 20-34 for men and 15-29 for women … 46% of men and 48% of women in those age ranges remain unmarried,” according to a June 2, 2015 report in AL-Monitor.[xxii]

Economic problems explain part of the falling marriage rate, but the corrosion of traditional values also is a factor. Iranian researchers estimated late in 2015 that *one out of eight Iranian women was infected by chlamydia, a common venereal disease that frequently causes infertility.[xxiii]
*
When Ayatollah Khomeini took power in 1979, the average Iranian woman had seven children; today the total fertility rate has fallen to just 1.6 children, the sharpest drop in demographic history. Iran still has a young population, but it has no children to succeed them. By mid-century Iran will have a higher proportion of elderly dependents than Europe, an impossible and unprecedented burden for a poor country.


The 30% solution ? when war without end ends: Spengler ? Asia Times


sorry for the thread jack.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Er no. people cheat all over the world. People murder all over the world.

Same for religion. As if being "spiritual" prevents affairs - it doesn't.

People can be good or bad, usually its their choice.


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## CoolItMan (Mar 19, 2016)

TaDor said:


> Er no. people cheat all over the world. People murder all over the world.
> 
> Same for religion. As if being "spiritual" prevents affairs - it doesn't.
> 
> People can be good or bad, usually its their choice.


Some people have higher murder rates than others.

Sure, all people(s) cheat - but cheating is higher in some groups than others.

Western Culture has the highest infidelity rates, and White Women the highest female infidelity rates.

Not only that - but White Females have the highest interracial rates, too. 

So a White man married to a White woman has a super astronomically higher chance of experiencing infidelity than say an Asian man married to an Asian woman.

And while Asian females have low infidelity rates, they also have low interracial rates.

Meaning while the White female will cheat with White, Black, Brown, etc. (but very, very rarely yellow)

The Asian female will tend to cheat with Asian males, meaning the Asian man only really has to worry about Asian men, while the White man has to worry about all men.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

CoolItMan said:


> Some people have higher murder rates than others.
> 
> Sure, all people(s) cheat - but cheating is higher in some groups than others.
> 
> ...



This is not helpful to the OP or thread in any way that I can see and makes me wish for a dislike button.

OP- What was your husband's reaction to your confession? Are the two of you in counseling or headed in that direction?


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

I see the trolls back on the previous page


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

@workindad : hehe... I so had the urge to reply - but I'll leave it as it is.... pointless and de-rails the thread.


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## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

Screwedupbigtime said:


> I am in my thirties


That's a big range, anywhere from 31 to 39. I hope you'll forgive me for ass-u-ming that you're closer to the end of that range.

I think you will have a hard time finding a man willing to marry you at this point. Date, sure. Casual sex, definitely. But not long-term commitment and kids. Your best shot is the 50+ demographic. Good luck.


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

I don't even understand the narrative of this post. Is SO the husband or the other guy? Or does it switch? 

I guess the confusion of who is who is kind of appropriate given the circumstances. This is a scattered mind.


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