# Am I overreacting? Annoyed friendly meetup with guy turned awkward



## rocknrolla (Jun 14, 2015)

I am trying to relocate across the states and got talking to a guy in the city I’m moving to. We got a little carried away and I made the mistake of getting attached before meeting, and then he told me he was still actively dating as he is single (rightly so, and we shouldn’t pursue anything romantically if there was potential until I move).

So things progressed with one girl he’s been going out with and it was kind of a bummer but he said he still wanted to meet as friends, but I declined. 

We still chatted on and off and then I came to visit and said I could meet for coffee if he wanted - I figured as I didn’t know anyone here it would be cool to see somebody as friends, and we had already established before the meet it was strictly a friendly meeting and we were on the same page.

So we meet up and talk as if we have known each other for years for a solid hour and a half - about our divorces, life, even about dating and how online dating is challenging. Then he goes “well to be honest I find the distance really hard and I am really starting to like this girl, so I just wanted to be straight with you.”

So to be honest, I was pretty annoyed by this comment. Not because I’m into him, but because I felt it was totally unnecessary as we had said prior it was a friendly meetup for coffee, and we hadn’t spoken about any romantic stuff between us at all, and I feel he made a pleasant meeting somewhat awkward.

So I said I only saw it as friendly, and I should probably get going as I’m leaving town today and had to pack. We hugged goodbye, and after I left he text me 10 minutes later saying thanks for meeting and he hopes I have a safe flight. 

I’m not sure if he wants to remain friends, but do you think I’m overreacting being annoyed by it? It just irritated me that he found it necessary to say he wasn’t into me without saying the words. It seemed totally random.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

rocknrolla said:


> I’m not sure if he wants to remain friends, but do you think I’m overreacting being annoyed by it?


In a nutshell, yes.



rocknrolla said:


> It just irritated me that he found it necessary to say he wasn’t into me without saying the words. It seemed totally random.


I'm a bit confused here. You are saying he found it necessary to SAY he wasn't into you be he did it WITHOUT saying the words. HUH????

Okay, so you're irritated. This guy shouldn't rent more than about 15 seconds worth of space in your head. People can be, and are, annoying. They frequently don't mean to be so. So the onus is on you to take things with a large grain of salt and move on. People will get on your nerves at times. Conversely, you will get on their nerves even when you don't mean to.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I think you are annoyed because after clicking so well, you hoped maybe there was a spark.


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Sounds like he is taken (girlfriend or wife). IF not for that y'all might have had a different kind of relationship. I don't understand the difference in meeting/or not as friends and meeting for coffee. I'm thinking he knew you were too invested and he wasn't available.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

The guy was just testing the waters with you. If you would have blown him away he wouldn't have brought up his "allegedly budding romance". He may actually be seeing someone, but I believe he wanted to check you out regardless...just in case.


----------



## rocknrolla (Jun 14, 2015)

Yeah, but I don’t understand why he felt it necessary to say again. We established it wasn’t more and I didn’t want it to be either after knowing he was dating other women and one was progressing, but it was more so to meet as we had talked a while and to just say hi. 

I also don’t get why he text after I left. It ended with a hug and goodbye. Just seems a little weird.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

It's not weird. You clicked and had a great time, and he just wanted to be clear. He texted after because some people consider that good manbers.

No need to overthink.


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

POI nailed it both times. 

You were already upset before the meeting and it's understandable, it's ok to be frustrated. So then you conditioned yourself to have a friendly conversation, prepared yourself for it and this is my guess on what happened.

- You guys started to have a great conversation and you started to feel a spark and the prep you had for a friendly talk got turned upside down because I think you saw a glimmer of hope he might be changing his tune;

- He probably got the sense from either your body language or your own words that you started to think there was more than this and then he felt the need to steer it back in the direction of stating clearly he just wants to be friends;

Sounds like he might actually have a good heart and maybe felt bad about sending out the wrong idea and wanted to make sure you knew what his intentions were but even more so, wanted to just be a nice guy and felt guilty for you getting the wrong idea?

I would not contact him again and move on to something/someone else. If he reaches out to you again, he may still want to be friends, if not, then I think you have your answer.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

rocknrolla said:


> Yeah, but *I don’t understand *why he felt it necessary to say again. We established it wasn’t more and I didn’t want it to be either after knowing he was dating other women and one was progressing, but it was more so to meet as we had talked a while and to just say hi.
> 
> *I also don’t get why* he text after I left. It ended with a hug and goodbye. Just seems a little weird.


Here's the thing: We are damned lucky if we can even understand ourselves, let alone anyone else.

So how about YOU? Why do you think you need to figure how why he did/said what he did? Don't answer right away with a pat answer. 

How well do you think you know yourself? Again, don't answer right away. But I sincerely hope you will answer.

The reason I'm coming from this perspective is because YOU are posting here, not him.

What expectations did you have of him that he didn't fulfill? Because I'm getting a sense here that your expectations are far more interesting to look at rather than what this guy was doing.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> It's not weird. You clicked and had a great time, and he just wanted to be clear. He texted after because *some people consider that good "manbers".
> *
> No need to overthink.


Yes he tried to smooth out any man-burrs.

He failed.

OP got miffed, she got nicked.

He was honest, he was upfront, you over-reacted.
From his end. The open end he displayed to you.


Too much hope, too much catalyst employed, the two person meeting did not go smooth, did overreact.
At your end, from your end, the meeting fizzled, blew out your expectation.



KB-



You may still have a friend, not a love interest.
This, if you so desire.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, you overreacted. Wait until you move there and then restart the search. Who knows, he may be available again by then. But for now he isn't and for whatever reason he felt he should reinforce that when he saw you.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It sounds as though you're feeling that he rubbed your nose in it. He hurt your pride. He may have been trying to be on the up&up with you or he could think he's God's gift to women. In any event, he's a no go. There are plenty more where he came from.


----------



## rocknrolla (Jun 14, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> It sounds as though you're feeling that he rubbed your nose in it. He hurt your pride. He may have been trying to be on the up&up with you or he could think he's God's gift to women. In any event, he's a no go. There are plenty more where he came from.


Yes! You’re exactly right. Like sorry I’m off limits...well cool?


----------

