# Why do I still feel like I made the wrong choice?



## HM1 (Apr 23, 2021)

Hi everyone 
My divorce hearing was last week. Apparently it was our first and only
Divorce hearing as neither one of us contested against and we have no children. So basically it was cut and dry. Anyways I am 37 female and I left my husband last year due to emotional and verbal abuse and I felt
Like I hit rock bottoms and my breaking point for everything that was happening around us in our marriage. 
i was tired of crying, feeling miserable and unhappy and feeling like everything is my fault when he put the blame on me and I felt like the culprit all the time. It took a toll on my mental health.
Anyways last week after our divorce hearing I felt like I started to grieve more and felt guilty. I started to think did I make the right choice? Why am I second guessing it now?
Seeing him with another woman as he is dating her made me feel
Jealous last week.
Is this natural to feel this way now? I feel like now all of sudden I’m thinking of the good times instead of the bad times I thought of all during our separation


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## TurnedTurtle (May 15, 2019)

HM1 said:


> emotional and verbal abuse


To answer your title question, maybe because you are still suffering from the influence of his abuse, but if that is the case then you definitely made the right choice -- no one deserves to be abused.


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## Trdd (Jan 11, 2022)

I think these feelings can be experienced by many people, so natural? Yes. Give it some time. Take care of yourself. Are you exercising enough? Getting outside for walks? Eating healthy? Connecting with friends? Engaging with hobbies? 

Be disciplined about caring for yourself. You will feel better in time.


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## TurnedTurtle (May 15, 2019)

HM1 said:


> Is this natural to feel this way now?


To answer this second question, yes.

I've certainly been feeling it some myself lately. Trdd's advice is good and I need to stick to it, too!


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

Abusers destroy confidence and self worth, so what he did is still having an effect on you. You absolutely made the right decision. Stay busy, do the things mentioned above and learn to love yourself. Avoid dating anyone like your ex and don't repeat the cycle so many fall into of finding another abuser. Look for someone that makes you feel good about being you.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think that's normal in the face of uncertainty....people tend to cling to what they know.

My therapist told me that forgiveness is important but you have to remember the bad times to remind yourself why you left.

If you were happily married you wouldn't be here.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Because you’re still breaking away from all the BS.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Maybe because he’s moving on?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You obviously made the wrong choice in marrying him in the first place.
Change even from a crappy situation is hard for anyone. You’ll be fine. You just need to realize you aren’t losing much. Time and zero contact will fix the rest.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

HM1 said:


> Hi everyone
> My divorce hearing was last week. Apparently it was our first and only
> Divorce hearing as neither one of us contested against and we have no children. So basically it was cut and dry. Anyways I am 37 female and I left my husband last year due to emotional and verbal abuse and I felt
> Like I hit rock bottoms and my breaking point for everything that was happening around us in our marriage.
> ...


exercise, church, exercise, therapy, exercise, eat healthy, exercise, learn something new/new interest or hobby. 

Exercises.


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## KatieKatie85 (11 mo ago)

HM1 said:


> Hi everyone
> My divorce hearing was last week. Apparently it was our first and only
> Divorce hearing as neither one of us contested against and we have no children. So basically it was cut and dry. Anyways I am 37 female and I left my husband last year due to emotional and verbal abuse and I felt
> Like I hit rock bottoms and my breaking point for everything that was happening around us in our marriage.
> ...


So its pretty normal to feel this way, and you may for a while until you detach yourself from him and these feelings. You're still in the denial stage of your grief it sounds like, but remember there was a very valid reason you divorced him in the first place. One thing that helped me is to use the notes app on my phone- I began to think about all the difficult times and harsh things that were said in our marriage. My reasoning for doing so was unfortunately due to him attempting to take my children from me so I was having to come up with how to defend myself against all his false accusations. But it also allowed me to get my anger and frustrations out and rereading these now reassures me that I made the right decisions.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Your thoughts are normal. He trained you to believe you were the problem by faulting you rather than taking responsibility for his actions. Those thought processes take time to stop and that is what you need to do. When you ask yourself if you did everything you could for the marriage, stop. Don't go down that road. Instead talk to yourself about as to what you learned and how you are going to move forward to make your next relationship better. 

Seeing him with a new woman might be bringing back fond memories of when the two of you had good time, there were good time. However, you cannot see what is happening in their private life. People generally create the same scenario in their relationships. She might be passing up flags, completely unaware because she does not know him like you.


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## Annonymous Joe (9 mo ago)

HM1 said:


> Hi everyone
> My divorce hearing was last week. Apparently it was our first and only
> Divorce hearing as neither one of us contested against and we have no children. So basically it was cut and dry. Anyways I am 37 female and I left my husband last year due to emotional and verbal abuse and I felt
> Like I hit rock bottoms and my breaking point for everything that was happening around us in our marriage.
> ...


I may be thinking out side the box from the rest of the posters here, but if I could ask, could you provide more feedback on what kind of emotional and verbal abuse you experienced? I asked this because sometimes counseling will help hash this out. There is no denying that you felt hurt and had to make a decision in the protection of your self interest. Was there any ongoing communications throughout the divorce process leading up to the final decree, or was the tension still there until the end? At the end of the day, what is done is done, and he has moved on, and seeing him with someone else is most likely spurring thoughts of guilt and remembering the good times you had a hard time seeing as you were engaged in the separation/divorce process. Exercise, rest, meditation, therapy, having fun, and journaling will help you process your feelings. The roller coasters will be real; take the good with the bad, even within the same hour. Allow yourself to feel everything until you know you have moved forward. Who knows, maybe he is just pretending to move on to make you jealous, or has co dependency.


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## Night Owl1 (Nov 6, 2020)

HM1 said:


> Hi everyone
> My divorce hearing was last week. Apparently it was our first and only
> Divorce hearing as neither one of us contested against and we have no children. So basically it was cut and dry. Anyways I am 37 female and I left my husband last year due to emotional and verbal abuse and I felt
> Like I hit rock bottoms and my breaking point for everything that was happening around us in our marriage.
> ...


Hopefully you’re doing better now. Divorce is like a death without a funeral. Your feelings are normal.
Your choice to leave him, very wise. Reward yourself for making this life change. Have standards & never settle. You deserve to be happy and free from any abuse! Being single is liberating and you can find love again! Give it time.


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