# Taking "Too Long" and Mid Life Changes



## quester (Nov 22, 2014)

For me, a quickie is about 15-20m. A BJ takes at least 30m. Non-rushed sex, about 45m-1hr+. I'm not on medications.

We are both early 40s, married with kids. Coming up on a decade together.

The trouble is, (As with girlfriends as far back as 20yrs ago) my wife has issues with how long I take to have an orgasm. Most of the time we make it work - but lately, shes complaining even more. This weekend, we went to the bedroom to have some mid afternoon fun - and she gave me a BJ that lasted about 35m. Afterward, she said her jaw hurt and that she wouldn't be doing that again any time soon. To me, that was a bit hurtful, because I would pretty much stay between her legs for hours to please her if that's what it took. Its about pleasing your partner.

The next day (We have a standing Sat/Sun sex date) we went to the bedroom again. It is BJ week - and so that is what I thought would happen - but instead, it turned into naked cuddling and her refusing to give me a BJ because of how long I took the day before. She used her boobies on me for a while - but she knows that never gets me all the way there. Then she used her hand for a bit - and after a while asked me to do it myself - which, I told her - "I could do that alone, honey." She sits on the couch every night watching romantic movies with passionate kissing - yet when I asked her to kiss me passionately while this was going on - or when I just tried to kiss her passionately - she blew it off and acted weird about me kissing her neck. She says she cant kiss passionately "on command". I didnt think I was commanding. If you're going to expect me to take care of business myself - you could at least be part of it, right?

Lately, She's limiting chances for weekday quickies - because of this. She's becoming more and more cavalier about cutting me off because I take too long at other times.

I dont know. This isn't my first rodeo - I've been married once before. I know the pattern, 1) boy meets girl, lots of fun and interesting sex, 2) marriage, lower frequency of sex, 3) children, even lower frequency, less interesting sex - but enough to keep things level in the relationship. That is the pattern. I hear it from others too.

With her, she just seems like shes going through the motions the older we get. Shes figured out what I like - she knows I like kissing and her making little sounds - I like seeing her in nice panties - she knows I like BJ a certain way - she knows what I like during intercourse - but shes got less feeling behind it, and she has less drive to take me to climax if its outside of her comfort zone. For her it seems, the goal is to get me there faster so she can get on to other things. It's like she's totally preoccupied with everything else.

Is there some way to improve the time it takes to have an orgasm as a guy? I don't think there is - but maybe someone has been through this?

What does it mean - and what do you do - when your wife starts to seem mechanical and somewhat cold in her 40s about pleasing you, and sex in general? Talking to her always results into "nothing is wrong", yet, something doesn't feel right.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Please don't take this as an accusation, just exploring what may be going on. When you have sex, what percentage is mutually satisfying? I am assuming that the quickies and bj's don't get her there. Is that right? 

BTW, why do you consider them quickies?


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

There was a thread awhile ago about the time couples spend during a session. Most people spent 20-30 minutes for a full session. Several women complained that more than that was too much. A 15-20 minute session is not a quickie for most people. A quicky is usually less than 10 minutes. 

You take too long to get off for your wife and sex is becoming a chore for her. One way to address this is to have sex less frequently and stop any masturbation. Perhaps you should avoid blow jobs for awhile since you seem to be desensitized to them. This would give her a break while you will become more sensitive to them after awhile.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

She's becoming more cavalier about this because in her mind this is becoming more and more one sided. 30 minutes is a long time and most womens' jaws would hurt from that. How long do you typically stay between her legs to get here there? Unless you actually are doing it for 30 minutes then simply throwing out that you would when in reality it's only 5 minutes rings hollow.

I agree with Meson that you are desensitized and taking a long time. Once in a while this is fine but on a regular basis frankly becomes quite exhausting. How often are you watching porn and/or masturbating?


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

You may need to settle for more infrequent sex (to include little or no masterbation). 

I've had the same "complaints" much of my life. Though most love it at first, as time goes on, they love it not as much. 

Part of my issue is mb'ing. I've always done so average of once each day or two. I just have always "needed" that release every day or so, or I think about it (sex) too much. 

Now at 50, I just had to back off of that. Just too desensitized, or lower testosterone...whatever. Got to a point where sometimes I just couldn't orgasm during sex. 

The answer for me was going 3 or 4 days between orgasms, or at least staying "hands off" for a few days before sex. It helped a good deal. My sensitivity has increased somewhat, and there is a greater level of excitement and anticipation when we do have sex (and that helps a great deal as well). 

Try it for a while and see. For me, while I still have the urges, a couple or three satisfying sex sessions or bj's a week make up for the loss in frequency and frustration.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

A wife that gives BJ's.....:smthumbup:
And for 30 mins? :toast:

You lucky guy you.....

Maybe tell your wife you want no sex atall for three weeks...then you'll be gagging for it so much you'll blow in a matter of minutes!


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