# My Husband Has Changed So Much I don't know him anymore!



## Randi (Dec 23, 2008)

We got married ten years ago and it was our second marriage. My husband was 62 at the time and I was 51 so we both had a good idea of what we wanted in life. We realized that we didn't have 20 or 30 good years ahead of us and had to make the best of our time while we had good health and could enjoy doing things together. I had a good job and owned my own house, car, etc. He was pretty well off and owned a lot of real estate and ran his own business. I quit my job and went to work with him. The idea was that we were partners in life and in business. We didn't do a pre-nup because we felt it wasn't necessary. We had a verbal agreement that whatever was mine before or his before would remain that way. Anyhing coming after the wedding would be "ours". 

I worked hard and made many significant updates to the business, including computorizing many things that he had done "by hand". I didn't get a salary or was on a payroll, but he'd give me "expense money" each week. (not a heck of a lot but it was OK) I sold my house and we bought a house between the two of us, each paying half. Things went very well for about 6 years until his son appeared on the scene. He had been in jail for 7 years, I thought wrongly accused of a crime he didn't commit. He had worked with his father before doing all the maintenance of the buildings etc. I accepted him in my home and in my heart and treated him very well. He's not a kid, he's 49 years old. After a while i began to realize that he manipulated his father. I caught him in several lies and even snooping in my computor and then denying it. He told his father that I hate him and just want to make him look bad. That has happened more than once where he flat out lied.

I have three sons of my own but they are all independant and have their own lives. Well, after a while my husband started to change. He constantly praised his son's efforts and work and began to be very critical of me. He began to spend more and more time at the office and stay late, even working Saturday and Sunday. Supposedly his son was going to free him up of a lot of time so we could go places etc. Instead he was spending more and more time at work and less at home. Then they started getting very secretive. His son would take him in the back room to talk, or arrive at the end of the day and wait for me to leave, etc. 

Then they began buying property without even telling me about it. I heard from someone on the street about their latest wheeling and dealing. I was very hurt. When I questioned my husband about being partners and what we did in the marriage was for us and asked why he didn't tell me, he answered that "WE (he and his son) don't tell anybody and what he was doing was bought with the money he had before and I had nothing to do with it. Then he started cutting down on the time I put in at work as well as the money he gave me. I was still expected to pay for all the groceries, my clothes, expenses, gift for my children's birthdays, Christmas presents etc. He started the policy of "you take care of yours and I'll take care of mine" for Christmas etc. 

My youngest son was badly injured in Afghanistan by a land mine and spent almost two years at Walter Reed. I had to travel back and forth about 10 times and pay my own travel expenses and lodging etc. He never even offered to help out. I had to help my son and his wife with expenses because neither could work and he never offered to help out. I had to use up whatever little I managed to save.

Now we have been in our house 10 years and he refuses to fix anything. When we bought it we had planned to put in a hardwood floor in the living room and a deck off the bedroom. We even bought the wood! It still hasn't been done and he gave the wood to his son for an apartment. I can't even get him to paint. When I complain about it he says "you want it done, you pay for it". Now keep in m ind that this man has money and could easily afford to fix up his home.

This Christmas I had major surgery and have been laid up for three months. Since I was never on his payroll I get no worker's comp, or even social security. He has not given me any money at all for expenses or helped me with my children's Christmas gifts. 

I feel so sad most of the time. I feel like we are totally wasting the few good years we have left. I've tried talking to him and telling him I'm not happy with the way things are going. He either yells and rants at me and calls me a spoiled brat that is never satisfied or leaves and goes to the office and hangs out with his son. He has gotten into such a rage about stupid things that he's scared me. He has changed so much. He tells me it's all in my head and I need a psychiatrist, but other people such as mutual friends, family, and even outsiders have noticed how different he is now. At Thanksgiving my son and his wife greeted him when they arrived and he turned his back on them and wouldn't even say hello or speak to them. They have never done anything to him and are always friendly and polite. I have tried to be patient thinking if I just ignored it and didn't complain things might be better. They are just getting worse. I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said no that he loves me. He certainly doesn't act like it. I don't know what to do.


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## HisSummerRose (Dec 10, 2008)

ray:ray:ray:ray: ... for you Randi that things can get worked out !!! I am sorry because of all the stress your going through !!!


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