# Wife Travels - Never Calls To Talk To Kids



## twinsfan34 (Feb 10, 2011)

Greetings All!

I wanna throw this out there. My wife travels Monday - Friday pretty much every week. She goes the entire week without calling home to talk to our 3 and 6 year old. Lately she does not even call home at all. She will send text messages here and there. Is this normal for a spouse that travels? Any input is appreciated.

Kind Regards!


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Probably not.

I don't travel, but I hate using the phone and do not feel "connected" to people when talking on them. However, I would make an effort to call my family if I was out of town for more than 2 days. Especially children.

Maybe just mention that the children ask about her, miss her, when she is gone and see if you guys can start a fun little bedtime routine or something that includes a goodnight convo with mommy. Even if she doesn't need the contact gently tell her that you and the kids do.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Here's my input.
Mom traveling 5 days a week is not appropriate for a mother with such young children. A phone call cannot even be considered proper mothering. Sorry to be so blunt.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Hicks said:


> Here's my input.
> Mom traveling 5 days a week is not appropriate for a mother with such young children. A phone call cannot even be considered proper mothering. Sorry to be so blunt.


Not proper for a married woman either. Go check out Shamwows thread. 
Certain disaster looming.


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## AllyM (Aug 2, 2011)

I travel for work and maybe it makes it easier to get through the week and focus on work instead of having your heart broken after she hangs up with her kids. It is so hard to travel for work and be a mom the guilt can be overwhelming. My kids are older now (11 and 14) and they understand better but it is still hard when you miss birthdays and events. And my husband (separated) makes it worse by accussing me of not calling enough. Try to talk to wife about this by saying "this must be really hard on you, is there a way I can make it easier" then broach the subject of how the kids would love to hear from her more while she is away. Now it could also be she's having an affair but that requires a whole different conversation. But what do you feel in your gut is going on?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I agree with chapparal-you MUST consider the possibility that she is a little preoccupied...

...with an OM.

Don't wanna sound like a jerk, but nine times out of ten, when a thread starts on this site about a traveling spouse, it always ends up the same-an affair.


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## AllyM (Aug 2, 2011)

F-102 said:


> I agree with chapparal-you MUST consider the possibility that she is a little preoccupied...
> 
> ...with an OM.
> 
> Don't wanna sound like a jerk, but nine times out of ten, when a thread starts on this site about a traveling spouse, it always ends up the same-an affair.


I have to disagree F-102 I have been travelling for work for 8 years now and never once had an affair never even thought of it and my husband complains I don't call enough either, I'm busy working.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I thought you said you were separated AllyM. Maybe there was no affair, but I am sure that being away a bunch had an affect on your marriage.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Not proper for a married woman either. Go check out Shamwows thread.
> Certain disaster looming.


Are you kidding me? Geesh, why not just hit us with a club and pull us around by the hair while your at it?? :scratchhead:


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

twinsfan34 said:


> Greetings All!
> 
> I wanna throw this out there. My wife travels Monday - Friday pretty much every week. She goes the entire week without calling home to talk to our 3 and 6 year old. Lately she does not even call home at all. She will send text messages here and there. Is this normal for a spouse that travels? Any input is appreciated.
> 
> Kind Regards!


I don't call alot when I travel... sometimes, the times are way off when I can talk, and when they are in bed, busy, getting ready for school or bed, having bathes etc.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

AllyM said:


> I have to disagree F-102 I have been travelling for work for 8 years now and never once had an affair never even thought of it and my husband complains I don't call enough either, I'm busy working.


Me too... never ever.... when I travel, it is usually working many many hours trying to get done and come home!


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> I thought you said you were separated AllyM. Maybe there was no affair, but I am sure that being away a bunch had an affect on your marriage.


Would you say the same thing to a man? Sometimes, we do what we have to do... I'd love to have more options, but hey, somebody has to keep putting food on the table and a roof over our heads.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

twinsfan34 said:


> Greetings All!
> 
> I wanna throw this out there. My wife travels Monday - Friday pretty much every week. She goes the entire week without calling home to talk to our 3 and 6 year old. Lately she does not even call home at all. She will send text messages here and there. Is this normal for a spouse that travels? Any input is appreciated.
> 
> Kind Regards!


I have to say that is horrible to not even call your children for a whole week!!!  I do not travel for work, other than my daily 25 minute commute to my office, but even when I go to dinner after work with my husband, which is not very often, we are calling our daughter before she goes to bed. :sleeping:

And I'm sure it's tough on you to be on the only parent in the house with 2 small children. Do you ever get a break?


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## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

AllyM said:


> I travel for work and maybe it makes it easier to get through the week and focus on work instead of having your heart broken after she hangs up with her kids. It is so hard to travel for work and be a mom the guilt can be overwhelming. My kids are older now (11 and 14) and they understand better but it is still hard when you miss birthdays and events. And my husband (separated) makes it worse by accussing me of not calling enough. Try to talk to wife about this by saying "this must be really hard on you, is there a way I can make it easier" then broach the subject of how the kids would love to hear from her more while she is away. Now it could also be she's having an affair but that requires a whole different conversation. But what do you feel in your gut is going on?


Your response smacks of excusing this mom's terrible behavior. She hates to get her heart broken and not calling often makes it easier? On who? Her or the kids and husband? She is a self centered self absorbed woman that has divorced herself from mommyhood and she obviously puts her own selfish needs above the children's. She is a terrible mother and she should never have had children.

Lets stop the excusing, the coddling...it stinks :-(


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## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Would you say the same thing to a man? Sometimes, we do what we have to do... I'd love to have more options, but hey, somebody has to keep putting food on the table and a roof over our heads.


I would say the same thing to a man, and shame on you for using being too busy to call home...you, your family, and I all know this is a lame excuse, and it is too bad your job takes a higher priority them your family. 

I too travel and I am very, very busy, but I make time to chat with my family daily...if you really want to you could make the time.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

ThirdTimeACharm said:


> Your response smacks of excusing this mom's terrible behavior. She hates to get her heart broken and not calling often makes it easier? On who? Her or the kids and husband? She is a self centered self absorbed woman that has divorced herself from mommyhood and she obviously puts her own selfish needs above the children's. She is a terrible mother and she should never have had children.
> 
> Lets stop the excusing, the coddling...it stinks :-(


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

ThirdTimeACharm said:


> I would say the same thing to a man, and shame on you for using being too busy to call home...you, your family, and I all know this is a lame excuse, and it is too bad your job takes a higher priority them your family.
> 
> I too travel and I am very, very busy, but I make time to chat with my family daily...if you really want to you could make the time.


Well, it doesn't seem to bother them. Does being away all the time have an effect on YOUR marriage??


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Twin,
Are you still around?
His last and only post to his thread was back in Feb.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

the guy said:


> Twin,
> Are you still around?
> His last and only post to his thread was back in Feb.


Geeeeeeeeez you're right! It went from February to end of August.


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## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Well, it doesn't seem to bother them. Does being away all the time have an effect on YOUR marriage??


I take my fiancee everywhere I travel for the job... she can telecommute anyplace we can get an internet signal, but even if she couldn't I would call her at least 2-3 times a day and reminder her just how special she is, and that she is more to me then a job. My chidren are now young adults but I still phone the daughters at least every other day to say I love 'em. No one can truly say that they're too busy working....thats BS...even Obama has time for his children, and so are you more busy then he?


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## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Well, it doesn't seem to bother them. Does being away all the time have an effect on YOUR marriage??


But I think you were the one that wrote that it bothers your husband...hmmmm....


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Would you say the same thing to a man? Sometimes, we do what we have to do... I'd love to have more options, but hey, somebody has to keep putting food on the table and a roof over our heads.


I would say this about the person who is playing the nurturing role.

In either case a husband or a wife who travels Mon - Fri EVERY week is putting a huge stress on the marriage. If there are children involved it is a quantum amout even more.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

ThirdTimeACharm said:


> But I think you were the one that wrote that it bothers your husband...hmmmm....


Not me...


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## Wheels65 (Jul 17, 2011)

People make time for what is important to them.


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## twinsfan34 (Feb 10, 2011)

To answer a previous question, yep, still around. Wife is still traveling every week and has stepped it up to talking to the kids once per week. 

Its walking on egg shells to talk to her about it. She tells me she feels guilty about traveling. Perhaps denial is her way of dealing with things. She is not your "normal" woman. She is not emotional and does not share her feelings.

I am sure its hard on her, but at the same time its hard on myself and the kids. As an example tonight my daughter called my wife -- got voicemail -- and left a message. I texted my wife to let her know it might be a good idea for her to talk to her daughter. No response to both the voicemail or the text. I sat and held my daughter while she cried and told me how much she missed her mom.

I love my wife, but am frustrated.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Yeah I have to agree with the majority of posters here.

I wouldn`t accept my wife being away for a week at a time on a regular basis.

I`ve turned down two dream jobs because they were out of state and I simply wouldn`t be away from my family for any length of time.

It stopped my career dead in it`s tracks as I`ve reached the pinnacle of where I can go without travel but I haven`t regretted it for a second.

I work to live I don`t live to work, my family IS my priority.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> Would you say the same thing to a man?


I would. As most of the consultants I know that travel 50% and up have ended up divorced. Can't say whether there was any infidelity but traveling every week, all week puts a tremendous strain on the relationship that probably only a few couples can deal with. I don't consider positions with over 10% travel and even then the compensation would need to be through the roof.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Would you say the same thing to a man? Sometimes, we do what we have to do... I'd love to have more options, but hey, somebody has to keep putting food on the table and a roof over our heads.


I make sure to talk to my wife every day when I travel. She is important and a priority. If my schedule looks tough, I schedule a time to talk with her, either at lunch or dinner. I work some intense hours at times, and have rarely had a day where I could not talk to her if I wanted to do so. Missing a day once in a while is understandable - not talking to your spouse regularly sends a message.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

ThirdTimeACharm said:


> Your response smacks of excusing this mom's terrible behavior. She hates to get her heart broken and not calling often makes it easier? On who? Her or the kids and husband? She is a self centered self absorbed woman that has divorced herself from mommyhood and she obviously puts her own selfish needs above the children's. She is a terrible mother and she should never have had children.
> 
> Lets stop the excusing, the coddling...it stinks :-(


:iagree:

So to deal with the heartache of your decision to choose a career over your family you simply detach from your family??!

No thanks, if it is too difficult then find a different job, or atleast don't make a claim that family is very important to you.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

twinsfan34 said:


> To answer a previous question, yep, still around. Wife is still traveling every week and has stepped it up to talking to the kids once per week.
> 
> Its walking on egg shells to talk to her about it. She tells me she feels guilty about traveling. Perhaps denial is her way of dealing with things. She is not your "normal" woman. She is not emotional and does not share her feelings.
> 
> ...


Walking on eggshells is a problem for you. You need to be able to voice your concerns, and she needs to hear them. You can't harp on her, but you can't not raise the issue.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

twinsfan34 said:


> To answer a previous question, yep, still around. Wife is still traveling every week and has stepped it up to talking to the kids once per week.
> 
> Its walking on egg shells to talk to her about it. She tells me she feels guilty about traveling. Perhaps denial is her way of dealing with things. She is not your "normal" woman. She is not emotional and does not share her feelings.
> 
> ...


This makes me so sad! And mad!  What kind of mother does this do her own flesh and blood? I'm sorry, but your wife is not even a mother!!!!!!


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## Patricia B. Pina (Nov 22, 2011)

Confront her about this.
Don't let her treat your kids like that.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

This just doesnt make sense. She misses them so much that she ignores their voicemails and doesnt call? I dont know whats going on with her but this doesnt sit right. 

I work away from home 3 evenings a week. I only get to take my daughter to school and pick her up twice a week. Shes 10 now and its hard, i miss her. All the more reason for me to call her EVERY evening while i am away. Its just a quick call after school just to ask about her day and if she is ok. Sometimes shes not even bothered about talking to me, but that fine, ive done what needs to be done. My boys are older, 17 and 14. BUT i txt them everday and keep uo with them when i am not home, in fact this has been an ideal way of communicating with them.

When they were all little, it was harder and i missed them even more but i still called to say goodnight and tell them mummy loves them and to take care of each other.

She really needs to step up. There is NO escuse for her not talking to her own children for 5 days. She is being selfish and self centred.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

daisygirl 41 said:


> This just doesnt make sense.
> 
> I dont know whats going on with her but this doesnt sit right.
> 
> She really needs to step up. There is NO escuse for her not talking to her own children for 5 days. She is being selfish and self centred.


Unless she's having an affair and could care less about any of them. 

I think the Dad here needs to put his foot down one way or the other. He should tell her to BE a Mom and contact the kids EVERYDAY, or have no contact with them at all. It's breaking their little hearts that she is ignoring them and not being their MOTHER!!!!


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## twinsfan34 (Feb 10, 2011)

The thought of an affair has crossed my mind. My wife cheated on me when we first started dating. She later admitted to me 10 years into our marriage that she had cheated on me a second time while we were dating. That was 2 years ago that she told me this. So to reiterate, the idea that she is cheating has crossed my mind. I am not that naive. That said, other than her not calling, things are good for us as a family when she is not traveling. That makes me feel that she is not cheating. When she is around she is not checking her phone or acting as if she is hiding anything which leads me to believe there is nothing going on while she is away.

All that said, when she is around it is still me doing the bulk of the daily parenting tasks -- taking the kids to school, picking the kids up, bathing them, feeding them, helping with home work, taking them to doc appointments, taking them to their activities (swimming, gymnastics, football, t-ball) and I work 40+ hours a week. Perhaps she does not jump in to help because she does not feel comfortable on how to help out since she is not here most of the time.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

twinsfan34 said:


> The thought of an affair has crossed my mind. My wife cheated on me when we first started dating. She later admitted to me 10 years into our marriage that she had cheated on me a second time while we were dating. That was 2 years ago that she told me this. So to reiterate, the idea that she is cheating has crossed my mind. I am not that naive. That said, other than her not calling, things are good for us as a family when she is not traveling. That makes me feel that she is not cheating. When she is around she is not checking her phone or acting as if she is hiding anything which leads me to believe there is nothing going on while she is away.
> 
> All that said, when she is around it is still me doing the bulk of the daily parenting tasks -- taking the kids to school, picking the kids up, bathing them, feeding them, helping with home work, taking them to doc appointments, taking them to their activities (swimming, gymnastics, football, t-ball) and I work 40+ hours a week. Perhaps she does not jump in to help because she does not feel comfortable on how to help out since she is not here most of the time.


You need to make her get comfortable with it. No reason she should not share the load with you. You work full time as well. Besides, she will regret not being involved with her kids. Your kids also may notice, and it has the potential to effect on their relationship.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> You need to make her get comfortable with it. No reason she should not share the load with you. You work full time as well. Besides, she will regret not being involved with her kids. Your kids also may notice, and it has the potential to effect on their relationship.


Seems to me that she just doesn't give a rats azz about any of her kids and not much about her husband.

When she is home, GIVE her some responsibility. What is she doing when you are doing ALL of these things? :scratchhead:


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## Jeanie (Nov 14, 2011)

I can feel your pain....my husband has always travelled and at his peak he was travelling 3 weeks out of every month. Once we had kids, he used this as his reason for not participating - because he didn't want to disrupt the routine (as he was often not home). But now, he's travelling less and still doesn't participate. EVER. I also work 40+ hours a week and am 99% responsible for all our kids care (the other 1% being when I actually am forced to ask him for help). I dont' mind cutting him some slack because he's on the road, but to me they are equally responsible for raising our children and can't just take a back seat. I think if your wife wants any kind of future relationship with her kids, she needs to step up and be way more active in their everyday lives...not just when she's not feeling too guilty to do so.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

twinsfan34 said:


> Greetings All!
> 
> I wanna throw this out there. My wife travels Monday - Friday pretty much every week. She goes the entire week without calling home to talk to our 3 and 6 year old. Lately she does not even call home at all. She will send text messages here and there. Is this normal for a spouse that travels? Any input is appreciated.
> 
> Kind Regards!


I guarantee you she is cheating.

And if she isn't, then she just could care less about her family. I can't imagine being away on business and not calling at least once a day.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Think of it this way. At best your kids are getting 28.5% of the mothering they need every week she travels and you get some portion of that. Traveling makes your tired. Even if she's not cheating its not much of a marriage. I do not know how you can ever be happy or satisfied. Somehow you need to make her travel job go away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I might be jumping the gun, since I don't know whether you're anywhere near this point, but if divorce is an option you've given any consideration to, start documenting the time you spend with your kids. Something along the lines of a daily journal showing your time and activities with the kids vs. that of your wife. If you get to the point of wanting to seek a divorce, or even see that as a possibility, a long-term journal like that will help you immensely during any custody battle.


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## twinsfan34 (Feb 10, 2011)

Well, 7 years later out of the blue my wife finally admitted she cheated on me when she use to travel. Not sure what to think of this. We've been in a good place for a long time now. I am hurt and angry, but mainly I'm disappointed in her.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Twins i am sorry to hear that...but the question is what are you going to do about it now....are you going to stay with a serial cheater...and you know she did it many times...when is enough enough.

Might i add, the first couple times she cheated (dating) and you took her back you set in motion that she could cheat in the future and you would always take her back.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

She's having an affair, or perhaps a series of ONS. Women who travel for business are way more unfaithful than those who don't travel. If I were betting, I'd bet on her fooling around.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Your wife is a serial cheater, and when she travels she escapes from the reality of her home life. She didn't call or communicate because she didn't want to create a nexus between her secret life and her home life. This is not unusual.

It seems to me that you've been her Au Pare are all these years. I'm curious. What emotional needs of yours has she met, other than financial? Why have you tolerated her serial infidelity? What do you plan on doing now?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

twinsfan34 said:


> Well, 7 years later out of the blue my wife finally admitted she cheated on me when she use to travel. Not sure what to think of this. We've been in a good place for a long time now. I am hurt and angry, but mainly I'm disappointed in her.


You'll get over it again like you did before. I would advise using condoms so do you don't catch an STD.

You can't be to careful with a serial cheater.

Might not be a bad idea to DNA your kids.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I knew his wife was cheating from when I read the original post on this thread. Any mother who's not calling daily to check on her 3 year old is busy in her other life. I've read so many threads of WWs who put ALL of their emotional energy into their OM. Even when they're physically with the kids, their mind is with OM. 

With her being away 5 days and you only getting 2, it was like the OM was her main relationship, which would explain why she so detached from you and the kids. Can't even imagine how many times her OM(s) had her. Certainly more than you did during that time.

During those years that she was traveling and cheating, there's a possibility that she could have had multiple relationships. People who travel are WAY more likely to cheat. 

With your WW being a serial cheater, you have to decide if you should cut your losses. Every time you forgive her, she loses more respect for you, which will lead to her next cheating.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

twinsfan34 said:


> Well, 7 years later out of the blue my wife finally admitted she cheated on me when she use to travel. Not sure what to think of this. We've been in a good place for a long time now. I am hurt and angry, but mainly I'm disappointed in her.


Sorry to say this but DNA test your kids. Having just read your post I'm not surprised. You should just open your marriage if you stay with her, it's obvious your wife has had no intention of ever being faithful to you. Here faithfulness has been entirely up to her whim. That's a hard person to be married to that's for sure.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

@twinsfan34

You had said the thought had crossed your mind before, but there seemed to be no signs. In hindsight do you still feel that way?
What do you think/feel you are going to do about it at this point?
As mentioned by a few other folks, you need to Dna test your children. You should also seek the services of a good lawyer to see where you stand if you were to divorce. 
It's painfully obvious your wife doesn't care about you in the least. What made her confess out of the blue? You may want to really look into the reason she did, it could be current guilt from present cheating.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Edit. Did not see OP returned.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

No worries, OP is just disappointed. Nothing will happens, just the same old, same old.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

twinsfan34 said:


> Well, 7 years later out of the blue my wife finally admitted she cheated on me when she use to travel. Not sure what to think of this. We've been in a good place for a long time now. I am hurt and angry, but mainly I'm disappointed in her.


So after all these years why did she admit this out of the blue?


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Once again the peanut gallery called it!

Sorry Twinsfan, she is a serial cheater. This is who she is. 

_Edited to add: And she isn't even a good mom. _

Why do you stay with her?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She just dropped a ton of bricks on TF.

He just dropped the remainder on us as a favor.

I see it as a favor. 

It keeps this established pattern of cheating viable.

She likely told him because she is no longer traveling, is no longer getting the 'strange flesh' fix.

She hopes this will cause him to divorce her, so she can continue to find strange.

She is not a home-body at heart.

She is a free spirit, a night deposit box, with a 'hard' loving heart.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Old habits are hard to break.

Old 'hards' are difficult to forget.


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## Girl Gone (Jul 28, 2016)

F-102 said:


> I agree with chapparal-you MUST consider the possibility that she is a little preoccupied...
> 
> ...with an OM.
> 
> Don't wanna sound like a jerk, but nine times out of ten, when a thread starts on this site about a traveling spouse, it always ends up the same-an affair.



I’m a mother that travels for work and I call or text infrequently because I, too, you guessed it, am involved with a OM...as in OMG...I’ve been in meetings all day and have to do my actual job at night. 

There is absolutely nothing glamorous about travel for work.

That said, my children are either grown or in high school. And I’m always the designated driver on any work outing because one of my rules about business travel is no alcohol.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Girl Gone said:


> I’m a mother that travels for work and I call or text infrequently because I, too, you guessed it, am involved with a OM...as in OMG...I’ve been in meetings all day and have to do my actual job at night.
> 
> There is absolutely nothing glamorous about travel for work.
> 
> That said, my children are either grown or in high school. And I’m always the designated driver on any work outing because one of my rules about business travel is no alcohol.


Please re-read the Original Post. Your situation is not the same.

And she has now, years later, admitted to cheating on him whilst travelling for business. Which turned out to be monkey business.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@twinsfan34 do you want your thread moved to Coping With Infidelity?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

twinsfan34 said:


> The thought of an affair has crossed my mind. My wife cheated on me when we first started dating. She later admitted to me 10 years into our marriage that she had cheated on me a second time while we were dating. That was 2 years ago that she told me this. So to reiterate, the idea that she is cheating has crossed my mind. I am not that naive. That said, other than her not calling, things are good for us as a family when she is not traveling. That makes me feel that she is not cheating. When she is around she is not checking her phone or acting as if she is hiding anything which leads me to believe there is nothing going on while she is away.
> 
> All that said, when she is around it is still me doing the bulk of the daily parenting tasks -- taking the kids to school, picking the kids up, bathing them, feeding them, helping with home work, taking them to doc appointments, taking them to their activities (swimming, gymnastics, football, t-ball) and I work 40+ hours a week. Perhaps she does not jump in to help because she does not feel comfortable on how to help out since she is not here most of the time.





twinsfan34 said:


> Well, 7 years later out of the blue my wife finally admitted she cheated on me when she use to travel. Not sure what to think of this. We've been in a good place for a long time now. I am hurt and angry, but mainly I'm disappointed in her.


Good news!

Divorce is still a thing.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Look twinsfan24, she has cheated twice ( than you know of) and has thrown up red flags all over the place. And you walk on eggshells? Really, you don't need any more info than you have now. You KNOW what's happening, but understandably, don't want to face it. Face it or sign up for more pain.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Girl Gone said:


> I’m a mother that travels for work and I call or text infrequently because I, too, you guessed it, am involved with a OM...as in OMG...I’ve been in meetings all day and have to do my actual job at night.
> 
> There is absolutely nothing glamorous about travel for work.
> 
> That said, my children are either grown or in high school. And I’m always the designated driver on any work outing because one of my rules about business travel is no alcohol.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

*Wife Travels - Never Calls To Talk To Kids *... too busy banging other dudes


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## WestCoastBeachBoy (Jan 4, 2014)

It's normal. 
I travel 100k international per year for work. 
My wife tells me NOT to call. 
It's harder on the kids, it's a reminder. 
Make sure she maximizes her time when THERE.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

twinsfan34 said:


> We've been in a good place for a long time now. I am hurt and angry, but mainly I'm disappointed in her.


You did not marry a woman, you married a selfish girl, and you have been acting like a weak father ever since. 

She treats you like her "Dad" that's giving her a free ride at Partytown University. 

You do it all, you got it covered.

You think you deserve some respect for that. Seriously?

She "loves" you "Dad", but she has to live her own life, right?

And you are "disappointed"? 

She gets NO consequences for her cheating.

She has never been truly remorseful, she just told you to alleviate her own guilt. 

She has never really respected or loved you as a man.

You have carried the load all these years. All she has had to do is fulfill her selfishness.

It really is a good place... for her.

You have baked the ultimate cake for an ultimate cake eater.

And you still have no clue.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

jsmart said:


> I knew his wife was cheating from when I read the original post on this thread. Any mother who's not calling daily to check on her 3 year old is busy in her other life. I've read so many threads of WWs who put ALL of their emotional energy into their OM. Even when they're physically with the kids, their mind is with OM.
> 
> With her being away 5 days and you only getting 2, it was like the OM was her main relationship, which would explain why she so detached from you and the kids. Can't even imagine how many times her OM(s) had her. Certainly more than you did during that time.
> 
> ...


Is it any different for a man who travels and cheats?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

WestCoastBeachBoy said:


> Make sure she maximizes her time when THERE.


 She was definitely maximizing her time when "THERE".
You might want to read the OP's update.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

aine said:


> Is it any different for a man who travels and cheats?


 What does that have to do with this thread? 
Or is it just a random strawman gender card being thrown?


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Twinsfan, it looks like Decorum got it right.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

twinsfan34 said:


> The thought of an affair has crossed my mind. My wife cheated on me when we first started dating. She later admitted to me 10 years into our marriage that she had cheated on me a second time while we were dating. That was 2 years ago that she told me this. So to reiterate, the idea that she is cheating has crossed my mind. I am not that naive. That said, other than her not calling, things are good for us as a family when she is not traveling. That makes me feel that she is not cheating. When she is around she is not checking her phone or acting as if she is hiding anything which leads me to believe there is nothing going on while she is away.
> 
> All that said, when she is around it is still me doing the bulk of the daily parenting tasks -- taking the kids to school, picking the kids up, bathing them, feeding them, helping with home work, taking them to doc appointments, taking them to their activities (swimming, gymnastics, football, t-ball) and I work 40+ hours a week. Perhaps she does not jump in to help because she does not feel comfortable on how to help out since she is not here most of the time.


Why should she help when she doesn't respect nor honor you?

If you're that busy doing all the work/obligations at home - I'm sure she has many chances to communicate with others when you're distracted.

She can put those communications on ignore while you're home and interacting.

What have you decided to do about being with someone who has disrespected you the whole marriage?

You need to DNA test your kids immediately.


It shocks me that you didn't throw her out immediately and divorce her!

What will it take for you to have some self respect? What will she need to do to you for you to eliminate her from your daily life?

She's not in this to be married - she's been using you while she has a party girl life.

When is enough - enough for you?


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

* You need to DNA test your kids immediately. *

I agree.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Twin if you intend to stay in this marriage and i suspect you will because god forbid you rock the boat.....you might as well tell her you intend to take a bunch of hall passes to even out the marriage, not for revenge that is not you but to prove to her and show her you are not same beta male but again i think that train has left the station long time ago...the dynamics of your marriage was written long time ago when you chose to stay with her after the first two time she cheated...you would always be the subservient spouse in your marriage. And now accept the fact that she will cheat again. And if you think for one second your wife respects you...your nuts.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Twin if you intend to stay in this marriage and i suspect you will because god forbid you rock the boat.....you might as well tell her you intend to take a bunch of hall passes to even out the marriage, not for revenge that is not you but to prove to her and show her you are not same beta male but again i think that train has left the station long time ago...the dynamics of your marriage was written long time ago when you chose to stay with her after the first two time she cheated...you would always be the subservient spouse in your marriage. And now accept the fact that she will cheat again. And if you think for one second your wife respects you...your nuts.


The thing is this... if he was not man enough to kick her to the curb the first 2, 3, 4, 5 times she cheated on him, the he is not man enough to go out an get laid...


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## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

BluesPower said:


> The thing is this... if he was not man enough to kick her to the curb the first 2, 3, 4, 5 times she cheated on him, the he is not man enough to go out an get laid...



Remember that his children are 11 and 17 now. The children still need him as he is essentially a single parent.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@Edmund said: " Remember that his children are 11 and 17 now. The children still need him as he is essentially a single parent."

What that has to do with anything? Not that the OP will do anything because it is obvious that he is a complete weak doormat, but still if he were to want to have revenge sex, that doesn't in the least in any way takes away his responsibilities as a father.

He can divorce her ***** of a wife, have an open marriage, or whatever, still he can take care of his children in a loving, caring way.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I keep waiting for the post where he checks her phone bill......and OMG....he's shocked !!!!!!!


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Edmund said:


> Remember that his children are 11 and 17 now. The children still need him as he is essentially a single parent.


And that's why he won't miss her that much when she's gone - he does everything anyway.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Sad. But not surprising she was cheating.

Just shows the old notion traveling salesmen are pigs and have 2 "families," can work both ways.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

twinsfan34 said:


> Well, 7 years later out of the blue my wife finally admitted she cheated on me when she use to travel. Not sure what to think of this. We've been in a good place for a long time now. I am hurt and angry, but mainly I'm disappointed in her.


So she no longer travels?

How long has she been not in contact with affair partner, or is she still in contact?

Was it with one guy or was it with different men/women...I mean was there an emotional connect with just this one guy?

If you were her Plan B then will this happen again?

Some people change and some people don't. What is the risk factor here in keeping her around versus letting her go? 


I'm guessing she has gotten "it" out of her system so you might be safe in having a loyal partner from here on out?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I sure hope we don't have to wait another 7 years to help you get through this?

You are not alone!


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

@twinsfan34

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. I don't think that all people who travel for their career are cheaters; but your wife certainly is/was.


I am only posting to add my voice to the choir; with a little elaboration.

1) Get tested for every STD under the sun; this includes hepatitis, which is often overlooked as an STD. You'll feel so much better if you know that you do not have some biological time bomb ticking away inside you. If you are still having sex with your wife [yuck], at least use a condom; but they are not effective for things like herpes. Herpes only requires skin to skin contact.

2) Unfortunately, I have to agree that you should DNA test your kids; which can be done unobtrusively with test you can get on Amazon, I believe. Don't tell your wife you are going to do this, obviously.

If your kids are not "yours" in the genetic sense. They are still yours in the emotional and psychological sense. You have raised them, largely by yourself. So, you have taught them values, supported and nurtured them. You are their true parent, in the most important ways. I don't think you would, but please don't punish or detach from them, because of the treachery of their mother.

Again, you don't know if you've raised cuckoos or not. And I think you should ascertain for sure if they are yours or not. But it doesn't change the love that is between you.


3.) You should surely seek the advice of a divorce attorney. You want to learn how to make sure that your wife will pay child support; and, if she makes more, alimony to you. Be cool, calm and collected.

4.) Don't run out to "get laid" to seek revenge on your wife. Be an example of honor and decency to your kids; and get a full divorce before you begin seeing other women.

Once again, I'm so sorry you are in this dreadful situation. Your wife is shameful. Very best wishes to you going forward.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BluesPower said:


> The thing is this... if he was not man enough to kick her to the curb the first 2, 3, 4, 5 times she cheated on him, the he is not man enough to go out an get laid...










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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Why did your wife tell you this all these years later?

Many told you 7 years ago she was cheating - didn't you check up on her?

So now she's cheated on you multiple times - you plan to keep taking her back?

Have the kids been DNA tested?

Is she still traveling now?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> She was definitely maximizing her time when "THERE".
> You might want to read the OP's update.


Thinking exactly the same thing. I would be worried if my wife told me not to call.


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