# Here's My Story



## JFrat (May 10, 2011)

Hello everyone. I have been reading this forum for the last three weeks and have seen a lot of good advice so I thought I would share my story.

I found out about my Wife's(10yrs together, married 2 1/2) EA/PA on April 13th. The OM is a close family friend, was a very good friend of mine, and our sons are/were best friends. We also have a daughter from her previous marriage. The affair was emotional for most of the time(8 mo), it turned physical in Feb of this year. I caught her by viewing the cell phone records on our account. It was actually an accident that I found out, we had been talking about our issues and trying to work on what was wrong with us and she kept getting cold and distant. I now know why.

I asked her to leave for a few days, to give me time to think and decide what I wanted to do. She contacted me on the third day and asked to talk. When we talked she expressed genuine remorse and a willingness to make things work. She came back home and things were good for almost two weeks and then she got cold and distant again. I found out that the OM had contacted her at work to avoid me seeing it on the cell phone bill. 

Finding that out, I asked her to leave and stay away, and filed for divorce at the end of the week. She has been out of the house now for almost 10 days. During this time she has been in contact with the OM, but no idea how much. 

Yesterday was mothers day, and she came over to pick up our son and daughter to take them out for the day. Needless to say the day did not go well. Both kids are confused and hurt, the daughter had a meltdown in public and the son was just indifferent to it all. Because of that, we were forced to spend some time together and all of a sudden she is interested in not throwing it all away.

Tonight we spent the evening talking at the beach. It was a beautiful night and we had a great talk. She wants to come home and realizes it is because she wants to be with me, not just come home to be home. I am skeptical but there is so much to lose here, I think I just need to try.

Why am I writing this now? Not sure. I have read so much here that I thought a few people looking at my story might give me some ideas on how to proceed. I want her home, but am not sure how that will work. Any advice is appreciated.


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## JFrat (May 10, 2011)

As a follow up, I have always wanted to make this work. I am in therapy to help me deal with the anger and the mental images and they are almost gone. I know they will always be there but they no loner haunt me. I also have my son in therapy to prepare him for this. The wife also is in therapy to help her figure out what is wrong with her(she has some old mom issues)and to help her decide what is best for her.

As for me, I have set my target to the divorce date in August. She has until then to turn it around or we are done. I just know that divorce is not truly what I want, she just forced me to protect myself and my son by not ending it immediately.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Better get lover boy OM out of the picture. 

You also need to set some boundaries and what she needs to do to come back

Namely a No contact letter - she writes and you send to OM. 

Then she needs to tell you what she is going to do to earn your love and trust back. 

Check out www.marriagebuilders.com for some excellent materials on surviving and affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stone_Dagger (Mar 4, 2011)

All i can say is stick to your decision for divorce! Don't be blinded by a nice smile and her acting like things are "Back to normal". Let her a** know that even if she moves back in she is skating on very thin f*cking Ice and one slip and its Over! 

I know how you feel trine keep your family together. What i don't understand is why the victim has to mend sh*t together and end up with years of suffering only to let the possibility of this happening again on our heads.

Trust is VERY important and it amazes me how anyone doesn't understand that! ESPECIALLY in a Marriage!


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

^Yeah... this. It seems she only had a change of heart because of the significance of Mother's Day. Is she REALLY remorseful though. Personally... WE ARE DONE!


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your kids well--being is imprtant--but not as important as your well-being for the future

You say you have your sub-conscious under control---I don't believe you---you are coming up with excuses to stay---which is fine---BUT

If you do stay---you just don't allow her back, just like that---she disrespected you, and her kids---then when caught--all she did was to go further underground to stay in the A

How do you really know where she is, with all this----I would be very wary, of her all of a sudden cold-turkey, dropping of her lover

Yes she may have figured it all out, due to the kids falling apart---but can you honestly tell us--that you now have any kind of good feelings about this woman--who drove a dagger thru the heart of the mge---doesn't give 2 cents for you, and could care less for the well-being of her kids----can you tell me, you can trust her, you can look at her, and not wanna puke

If you think you won't be miserable, and just live a bad life, so your kids can have 2 parents under one roof---then go for it

Just remember---there has to be strong accountability here---If your wife percieves you as easy about this---she will cheat again, knowing you will do nothing

What ever you do---do it for YOUR WELL BEING

You will never trust her again---you will always look over your shoulder---plus you don't wanna be her parole officer, for the rest of your mge.----You have a tuff way to go---just remember--put in strong boundaries, and MAKE HER DO THE HEAVY LIFTING TO GET BACK INTO THE FAMILY


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

My $0.02: Part of what's helping me go through it is reminding myself every step of the way that I want to be able to look back on how I handle this and not wish I'd taken the 'opportunity' to do something differently... the key being, this IS actually the one opportunity you have to set ground rules, parameters, requirements, or whatever it's going to take to help you be in it the way you want to be in it. Once she's back, you're not gonna get another chance to define rules. It's hard enough deciding -- might as well give it the best chance for success by defining what it's going to take and how it's going to be...


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

I agree with everyone about the OM. Sounds like you have an OM that is not going away. He knows that he is caught and wont quit contacting her.

You need to do something to stop this. As to what you do....only you know the situation and what is best. There are the expose him to everyone options.... Then there are other things you can say (promise) to him....just don't put those things in writing if you know what I mean.


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## JFrat (May 10, 2011)

Thanks for the responses. I see most of you think I should walk away, and to some extent I am preparing myself to do just that. On the other hand, there is my love for her and what we have accomplished together.

I didn't mean to imply that Mothers Day is only why she has changed direction, she has been expressing remorse and apologizing all along. She was just set on leaving me for him, leaving for the euphoria of feeling head over heels in love I think. Now that she is seeing everything implode around her, it's not such a rosy future. Again that sounds like me making up reasons or excuses, but I don't see it like that. Sometimes, some people just need to be slapped by life before they wake up and see their mistakes.

The OM is about to enter a hell that he will never recover from. His wife works in the criminal justice system, and in our state, the woman reigns supreme in a situation like this. I cannot imagine what being an indentured servant is like, but this man will know it soon. I won't need to do much but watch him disintegrate under the pressure. 

jnj, I hear what you are saying. I have lain awake staring at the ceiling for the last 4 nights trying to decide just that. During that time I have put those demons to rest, I had to. My pulse was steady at 120 for almost 3 full days. Getting that anger and hate out was a must or I would be dead now. This really is not an all of the sudden turn around, it's been a consistent theme over the last 6 days or so. 

What makes her coming back a bad life?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

J,
Has she agreed to basic ground rules with you:
1. Total transparency on phone/computer/her schedule
2. 100 percent NC with the OM
3. Very honest discussion with you about how the two of you can work together to strengthen the marriage
4. A high level of sexual bonding to reconnect

The physical aspect - affection and sex - of the marriage are typically the best barometer of how a woman REALLY feels about her partner. If she is averse to having sex with you, and won't directly tell you why it is unlikely you can fix the marriage. 

If she is really sincere, AND really into you, the marriage can continue and thrive. Pay attention to the 3 R's:
- Respect 
- Reciprocity 
- Responsibility





JFrat said:


> Thanks for the responses. I see most of you think I should walk away, and to some extent I am preparing myself to do just that. On the other hand, there is my love for her and what we have accomplished together.
> 
> I didn't mean to imply that Mothers Day is only why she has changed direction, she has been expressing remorse and apologizing all along. She was just set on leaving me for him, leaving for the euphoria of feeling head over heels in love I think. Now that she is seeing everything implode around her, it's not such a rosy future. Again that sounds like me making up reasons or excuses, but I don't see it like that. Sometimes, some people just need to be slapped by life before they wake up and see their mistakes.
> 
> ...


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Marriages differ one from another. After discovery of my ex-husband’s actions of infidelity, my marriage was truly over. Often times I’m envious how others have been able to work things out and get back together. I am happy for them. That just wasn’t going to be the same ending for my life story. 

I guess it does say something when my Ex’s own best friend, the best man in our wedding, does not want to have anything to do with him any longer. Even after I spoke to this friend and told him that I would not be upset if he chose to repair their friendship. How I would have to forgive my Ex someday as well. This friend (his best friend) answered me with, “He treated you like human trash. I do not agree with what he did.”

Pay attention not only to what those close to you have to say, but those who are closest to your wife as well. If almost all of them, including her closest of friends believe you will be so much better off divorcing her, well ….. you might want to think carefully about it then. Sometimes the outside looking in offers a whole different perspective.


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## JFrat (May 10, 2011)

Talking last night I got number 2 and 3 for sure. I planned on talking to her today about 1. The fourth item is going to be interesting, not because she is not into me, that is far from the case. She has to have a procedure done that will affect our sex life for at least a month. I don't doubt that until then there will be a lot of contact. It's what happens after while she heals that will be interesting.

Hey fellow it guy, You are correct, he is in the fantasy land of living happily ever after with her. It should be entertaining seeing what happens. You are right though, I have friends who have friends if you know what I mean.....plus I am an it guy, I know how to find and change things,.....

Toto, everyone says the same thing to me, Do you love her? If yes, then you have to try. My family all love her, most of her family has passed on. They all want me to do what I think is best, but they still want her as part of the family. I don't know about her two closest friends, but I know one of them was saying she wants to see us together, no idea what she is saying now though as she said that in the very beginning. 

The three R's are a good starting point. I will remember those. Thanks.



MEM11363 said:


> J,
> Has she agreed to basic ground rules with you:
> 1. Total transparency on phone/computer/her schedule
> 2. 100 percent NC with the OM
> ...


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

Lot of IT guys on this forum. Dude, never cheat on someone in IT...


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Jfrat, 

Do not let her move back in. Let the divorce continue. When she asks you why you haven't stopped it. Tell her this:

"I am waiting to see your contrition for the affair. (She needs to be put on tender hooks. She needs to be focused on YOU and YOUR MARRIAGE. Be nice, but when the subject comes up, look at her straight faced and say: ) I would love to stop the divorce, but I can't really trust a thing you say to me. What I have to do is watch your ACTIONS not listen to your words."

The point is, if you make it easy on her, she will not respect you. Have you separated finances? This is probably one of the greatest tools in your arsenal. Why? Because it allows the weight of reality to put pressure on her affair. If she gripes (which she will) tell her this: "You should consider just what the future holds for you. When the POSOM gets his testicles removed by his wifes lawyers, and you realize that any income this man makes will end up in his wifes bank account, and that you will effectively be his financial support, but I am sure you thought about that." This will hopefully remove any remaining fog. The most effective way to wake her up is *CONSEQUENCE!* Then you will really see just how much she wants the marriage. Good luck.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

First, listen to Initfortheduration's advice, it's spot on.



JFrat said:


> Tonight we spent the evening talking at the beach. It was a beautiful night and we had a great talk. She wants to come home and realizes it is because she wants to be with me, not just come home to be home. I am skeptical but there is so much to lose here, I think I just need to try.


If you were to let her back now she would relapse into the affair again like before. She has not had nearly enough time for self reflection and is just motivated by fear of losing her life right now. 

You need to keep your distance and be a bit cold for a while, probably a couple of months or more. You can't let her sweet talk you back or you will end up regretting it. She has to be on her hands and knees begging you back.

She is going to be testing you to see how much she can get away with and to make sure you are her safety net. The A isn't over until she either hates the OM or feels indifferent towards him. She will be attracted to the man she fears may walk away. In other words, if she thinks she'll lose the OM she run to him (or at least will want to) BUT if she thinks she can have him but will lose you forever she will want you more.

That's one reason being nice to a WS fails, there's no motivation for them to end the A if the BS basically rewards them for it.


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## JFrat (May 10, 2011)

More interesting advice. Thank you.

The divorce is still going. I have another 7 days before the initial court date gets set, and that date will be at least another 15 days away from that. She has been out of the house for almost 18 days now. 

She has cut all contact with the OM, calls or texts me with exactly what she is doing(I do not have to ask her), she lets me know when the OM tries to contact her (once via text and once at work) since the cutoff day.

I am seeing the contrition you are asking me to look for. It gets more and more each day. She answers any questions instantly and honestly. We have agreed to start MC immediately and she is setting that up as we speak. I honestly did not expect it, I expected her to run away with him and never look back. I am a bit stunned actually. 

LOL 13th floor LOL


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

IT Guys can hack the crap out of a phone too ...lol You can't hide anything from us.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Jfrat, have you considered letting the OMs wife know each time he attempts contact with your wife? I would.

Good luck


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## LilandNadsDad (May 10, 2011)

I would add that she goes for all kinds of tests for STD's and hepatitis, aids etc.
Run her through the wringer. If anything good comes out, don't trust it.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey JFrat---this is not about anyone in your family, her family, or any other family---this is not about friends---this is not about her---THIS IS ABOUT YOU, AND YOU ONLY

1st, IMHO, let your divorce proceed---you can always cut it off, near the end of the proceedings

Let me interject---your wife at this point, with a question---why all of a sudden is your wife so back into you????---just a few short weeks ago---you were a POS to her, she dissed you, lied to you connived, manipulated, was deceitful---why all of a sudden does she now wanna be with you---DO YOU REALLY THINK SHE ALL OF A SUDDEN "FIGURED IT OUT"

Here is what she figured out---if you D. her, she is going out into the big wide world, on her own, with the following label single, divorced, I don't remember if you guys have kids, but if so, add mother, who cheated on her Husband---with that kind of a tag on her--how many decent guys do you think are gonna look at her once, let alone go out with her

She is looking at working one, maybe two jobs, just to keep her head above water----she will come home most nights, tired, worn out, and still have to face normal living experiences, that she previously faced with you

I promise you, she will fight tooth and nail, to avoid that kind of a future

Do you honestly think she is in love with you anymore---I dunno---I think that person died, who knows what is actually in her body right now----But I will tell you, it isn't the starry-eyed wonderful girl you married, and innocently loved---she IS GONE

As to you-----none of this is gonna go away---as long as she is with you---SHE IS THE TRIGGER, that will set off your sub-conscious---I do not care what anyone else says---if they tell you they are over it, and everything is wonderful---I would love to give THEM A POLY

I hate to tell you this---but you are in for a life of misery, yes you two might get along to some extent, BUT ---yOU WILL FOREVER BE LOOKING OVER YOUR SHOULDER, WONDERING, WONDERING, WHAT IS SHE DOING, WHO IS SHE TALKING TO

The above can't be helped it is your sub-conscious--it will fight you every step of the way, in your future

If you want, at best a semi-satisfiable life,---stay, you will have plenty of misery to go with the sometime good times

You are always gonna have to worry about how she percieves things, and why is she actually staying---since she has already broken her vows, by taking another man inside of her, you do know, as I said above, what she really thinks of you!!!!

Think long and hard about how you wanna spend the rest of your life


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## JFrat (May 10, 2011)

jnj,
I see a lot of anger in what you are saying. I don't know what happened to you, but your anger and pain are pretty evident. 

Of course I have thought of the same reasons she wants to come back, she would have had a real hard time making it on her own. I've told her all along that its not my problem, she chose this path with her actions. The divorce is still going, I have no intention of stopping anything until I feel like it is no longer necessary.

I have talked to people who have been on both sides of this and most of them are still together, and even happier than before. Maybe that's a bull**** lie, but too many have said the same thing. Sometimes in life we have to be willing to leave the pain and anger behind and move on. I want to do that. Hate kills you, it rots you out from the inside and controls your thoughts and actions. I refuse to let it.


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## CharlieBrown (May 10, 2011)

Jfrat, I totally understand your feelings right now. I envy you to actually man up and go for the divorce. My wife hasnt had a PA as far as I know and doesnt even consider her EA an EA. Just friends, she states over and over that she has done nothing wrong physically, and even says she values their friendship, i got my wife into MC, but she wont do IC as she doesnt think she needs it. My wife asked for a separation out of the blue, only changed her tune, after I found out she was hiding phone calls, texts from a man that 6 years ago I placed boundaries around. I feel for you and totally understand that you want to move forward in your marriage. I am the same way, even though it appears I have STUPID written on my forehead. I just dont know how I will or can let go of the monitoring of her, if anything just to make sure they dont try to contact her. So far, so good, but in 3 weeks, she wants a separation for a few months so we can figure all this out. I want to go now, as everytime we take 1 step forward, I believe by being there, I cause us to take 3 steps back. But I have to wait 3 weeks, because she has a concern about the our children only having 3 weeks of school left. One earlier post said I need to put myself first on this one, but....If I do leave now, I believe there is no way she would forgive me for choosing my need over the children. See, she is in control, which is fine, I just dont know how to get over the fact that I cant run to her everytime I think I see something wrong in my trust. I have to learn to think before reacting. It seems my honesty and openness is what ends up getting her pissed and upset with me. Goodluck and keep me posted. I feel for you buddy.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

CharlieBrown said:


> Jfrat, I totally understand your feelings right now. I envy you to actually man up and go for the divorce. My wife hasnt had a PA as far as I know and doesnt even consider her EA an EA. Just friends, she states over and over that she has done nothing wrong physically, and even says she values their friendship, i got my wife into MC, but she wont do IC as she doesnt think she needs it. My wife asked for a separation out of the blue, only changed her tune, after I found out she was hiding phone calls, texts from a man that 6 years ago I placed boundaries around. I feel for you and totally understand that you want to move forward in your marriage. I am the same way, even though it appears I have STUPID written on my forehead. I just dont know how I will or can let go of the monitoring of her, if anything just to make sure they dont try to contact her. So far, so good, but in 3 weeks, she wants a separation for a few months so we can figure all this out. I want to go now, as everytime we take 1 step forward, I believe by being there, I cause us to take 3 steps back. But I have to wait 3 weeks, because she has a concern about the our children only having 3 weeks of school left. One earlier post said I need to put myself first on this one, but....If I do leave now, I believe there is no way she would forgive me for choosing my need over the children. See, she is in control, which is fine, I just dont know how to get over the fact that I cant run to her everytime I think I see something wrong in my trust. I have to learn to think before reacting. It seems my honesty and openness is what ends up getting her pissed and upset with me. Goodluck and keep me posted. I feel for you buddy.


CharlieBrown, I've read your threads in the other forums and people seem unanimous about their feeling about your situation. If you started your own thread in this forum, you will probably have the same answers. Perhaps it might be a good idea to try one here for more opinions?


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

Sounds like you are on the right track. My ex-w didn't even talk about ending her affair until I filed. By then I was on a one-way track out of there, for other reasons. 

Sometimes, ultimatums are appropriate, if you can stand by your side of it. Yours has got a serious dopamine addiction to overcome. But that's not really your problem is it?


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

it-guy said:


> IT Guys can hack the crap out of a phone too ...lol You can't hide anything from us.


Imagine the OM's fear in knowing that I was able to catch them IN a hotel room together from 6k miles away. My wife changed all of her passwords after she found out. The same day, my daily keylogger graced me with the new ones. Oh technology, I hate it and love it at the same time.


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## JFrat (May 10, 2011)

CB, There are two things I think you need to do. 
1. Get yourself into IC. You need to learn how to take control back. I got into IC to learn how to let go of the hate and anger before it killed me. I am far better for it, if not a lot poorer lol.
2. Start your own thread. There are a lot of very wise people here who can give you good advice. This will also allow the info to stay in one place for you to find it easily.



CharlieBrown said:


> Jfrat, I totally understand your feelings right now. I envy you to actually man up and go for the divorce. My wife hasnt had a PA as far as I know and doesnt even consider her EA an EA. Just friends, she states over and over that she has done nothing wrong physically, and even says she values their friendship, i got my wife into MC, but she wont do IC as she doesnt think she needs it. My wife asked for a separation out of the blue, only changed her tune, after I found out she was hiding phone calls, texts from a man that 6 years ago I placed boundaries around. I feel for you and totally understand that you want to move forward in your marriage. I am the same way, even though it appears I have STUPID written on my forehead. I just dont know how I will or can let go of the monitoring of her, if anything just to make sure they dont try to contact her. So far, so good, but in 3 weeks, she wants a separation for a few months so we can figure all this out. I want to go now, as everytime we take 1 step forward, I believe by being there, I cause us to take 3 steps back. But I have to wait 3 weeks, because she has a concern about the our children only having 3 weeks of school left. One earlier post said I need to put myself first on this one, but....If I do leave now, I believe there is no way she would forgive me for choosing my need over the children. See, she is in control, which is fine, I just dont know how to get over the fact that I cant run to her everytime I think I see something wrong in my trust. I have to learn to think before reacting. It seems my honesty and openness is what ends up getting her pissed and upset with me. Goodluck and keep me posted. I feel for you buddy.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

JFrat-----I have No anger anywhere---I am stating absolute fact, and nothing but fact---based on thousands of dispositions of Affairs----

I have no axe to grind---I could care less----It is your life---I am just telling you like it is/like it will be

I would love to put every betrayed spouse you talked to, who said they were happier now than every before---I would love to get them on a poly

What they are saying is a large part BS---and you know it---everytime the go to a social function, they are watching their ex-cheating spouse like a hawk-----and believe me they do watch their spouse in some way shape and form, when that spouse is out on her own, or with her alleged GF's

If they tell you otherwise---they are kidding themselves

You do what you want---but don't try to tell me, you are gonna have a great future---

I'll tell you what come on here 2 years from now---AND HONESTLY, TRUTHFULLY TELL ME HOW THINGS REALLY ARE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

"She was just set on leaving me for him."- Can you get past this revelayion? I know I couldn't, but then again that's just me. You have to do what's best for YOU. No matter what other people's opinion is, You have to be fully prepared to deal with the the consequences of whatever choice YOU make. Good Luck.


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

Jfrat,
Listen to your heart. Cliche, I know, but no outsider can tell you whether your marriage is worth salvaging. I think it's great to post thoughts and receive feedback, but I don't believe all of it well intentioned. I thought Mem's post about the signs to look for was spot on. Besides that, you've known your wife long enough to tell when she's sincere, haven't you? Nobody else here can claim that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

jnjexpress,
No anger? No axe to grind? How about you take a poly?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

My husband still has her emails saved in a dedicated email account and of course he won't let me read them or really know what was said. I just have to take his word for it that there is NC between them. Is there a way I can get his password?


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

grizabella: use a Key logger, it is likely he is accessing them every so often. There are many providers an example, below. 

Spectra - Sprectra Pro by SpectorSoft

however the fact that he has them tells me you need a hard arsed plan. He bucks up and gives you all or you take extreme action and do not tell him what steps you are taking.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Luvmy H---I am just stating it the way it is-----You show me anything that I have stated, that is NOT what happens when there is cheating going on

If you don't like the triuth, and can't stand the heat then get out of the kitchen

You arrange the poly---anywhere, anytime---I will be there


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

jnjexpress,
I apologize for calling you out like that. You are entitled to your opinion and it is the truth in many cases, but not all. I do not wish to highjack this thread, but I do apologize. It was wrong for me to post that. You just seem a little abrasive at times, but I probably seem weak and stupid to you. I'm sorry. Truce?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

Thanks Eli, good advice. I'm afraid if I push him too hard he will just delete the emails. He says he's protecting me but I don't believe it. I think he was much more involved than he said he was. The "just friends syndrom".


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey LuvmyH---I will answer you, and then we should stop---as you are right we don't wanna monopolize

No one here is weak, and stupid---everyone lives their life as they see fit

I just hate to see people living in misery---and cheating brings about misery

It comes when your sub-conscious gets you at 3 in the morning---or it comes when you are alone driving to work----its there and you know it

Tooooo many betrayed's stay for various reasons---they end up living miserable lives, for those various reasons, and their one shot at life on this planet, isn't a whole lot of fun---all I am doing is giving them a look at the other side---it may be stated abrasively---but lets admit it---nothing about cheating is nice

Believe me I have no anger, toward anyone---some things just need to be said---and saying them hard, may at least get the point across

People will listen, or they won't---that's up to them

Hey Luv---you have a good life, and I do hope you do have a good, mge.----be good


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## JFrat (May 10, 2011)

I can get past that because it was what I was telling myself in my head, in the wee hours of the morning when I was staring at the ceiling and wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Now that we are talking, I am hearing what she is saying, instead of making up my own ideas.

I am prepared to face the choice I make, any way that it goes. 



ahhhmaaaan! said:


> "She was just set on leaving me for him."- Can you get past this revelayion? I know I couldn't, but then again that's just me. You have to do what's best for YOU. No matter what other people's opinion is, You have to be fully prepared to deal with the the consequences of whatever choice YOU make. Good Luck.


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## JFrat (May 10, 2011)

I have no idea if what the people are telling me is BS or not. How could I? These people have no reason to lie to me, some are very close friends who I have known for years. Can I not believe them?

I fully expect to carry some of this for a long time. I am sure it will always be there somewhere in the back of my mind. Even if I leave her and go elsewhere, do you think it wouldn't affect that relationship? She will always be the trigger, yes, for the rest of my life, with or without her. 

I accept your challenge. April 13th 2013 will be the 2 year anniversary. I will be here, no matter the outcome.



jnj express said:


> JFrat-----I have No anger anywhere---I am stating absolute fact, and nothing but fact---based on thousands of dispositions of Affairs----
> 
> I have no axe to grind---I could care less----It is your life---I am just telling you like it is/like it will be
> 
> ...


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I pray that all works out for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

"My husband still has her emails saved in a dedicated email account and of course he won't let me read them or really know what was said."- WTF? That means he's still talking to her most likely. You say he's doing it to protect YOU. I'm sorry, but are you really that gullible. PEOPLE, can someone chime-in on this. I feel sorry to tell you, but you need TOTAL transparency, am I right people. Sorry for hijacking you thread JFrat, I really hope you find some semblance of normalcy.


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