# So tomorrow is my birthday...



## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

and my husband has no money to buy a gift because he maxxed out his credit cards paying the living expenses for his EA. He can't even make his minimum payments since he has been laid off. 
Oh, and the real slap in my face is that he bought her a $200 necklace for her birthday in August (charged it to Zales and tried to hide the bill from me) and a pair of $125 shoes also charged on "our" VISA! 

I wonder if he will just pretend he forgot what the day is?


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## Greatermindset (Oct 13, 2008)

Happy Birthday btw

I got a question for you tho, what is it that you really want for your birthday? Is it a gift from a store or something else?


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## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

I really don't care about the gift. It is the fact that he spent all this money without consulting me, but rather tried to hide it from me. It has put us in a bind that will take years to fix.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

mom876 said:


> I really don't care about the gift. It is the fact that he spent all this money without consulting me, but rather tried to hide it from me. It has put us in a bind that will take years to fix.


this guy sounds like a prince!


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## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

Well he said happy birthday before he went to work.

Greatermindset, I have given it much thought. After 25 yrs of marriage with many good times and bad times, I just want to really understand why he did what he did.
I would also like him to apologize for getting us in the mess instead of acting like I had some part in it. I had no part of it. As I posted in another thread, I now make considerably more than he does and I pay all the household epenses from my separate account. It was a must do as he was not good at managing money, although, he used to be good at saving and he was a good provider for 15 years. A job loss and lower paying new job meant that I went back to work 10 yrs ago.
His new excuse is that I planned and paid for a vacation for our 25th anniversary when I could have used the money to pay more of his debts. I didn't even know he had these debts and he didn't want me to know because they were incurred by his paying for his EA's living expenses. He is just looking for a way to place the blame on someone else. 

So the best gifts he could give me is to take responsibility for his actions and stop all communication with his EA.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Happy Birthday Mom876

I am so sorry to hear your story. If at all possible spend the day with those that care for you. Family, friends and coworkers. When one is in marital distress Holidays, anniversaries and birthdays can be difficult. Make the best of it and have a great day despite it all. :smthumbup:


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

you should apply for a new credit card, and have a male stripper come to your house right before your hubby comes home....say you bought yourself your own present...lol

I am kidding of course.

Sorry that you had to go through this. I hope your family can give you a good birthday.


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## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

Thanks. I am trying. I saw my parents and sister on Sunday for my birthday. I was planning on taking today off but it was called off due to a sewage problem, I guess that is a gift since I won't have to use a personal day. I am trying to clean the house for an appraisal for the home equity loan he says we must have to staighten out this mess. I don't want to do it but he says the only alternative is for him to quit his job so that he can get whats left of his 401K. He already has a loan against it, (another surprise for me) so he can't get another one.

I want to sit down and cry but I don't have the time or energy to waste on that luxury.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

if he loses his job he has to pay that 401K loan back in full immediately (they may allow payments, not sure) but they won't cash it out. 

sounds like you got yourself a real winner, and your still married? why?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

mom876 said:


> So the best gifts he could give me is to take responsibility for his actions and stop all communication with his EA.


I hope he will give you this.

Happy Birthday, mom876 

:birthday:


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## bo0 (Dec 12, 2008)

Happy Birthday!!


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## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

Why am I still married? Well, The first 22 yrs were fine. We had our ups and downs but worked together to get through the hard times. 

It has only been since his EA came into our lives 3 yrs ago that this mess has occured. 

I thought that he had been trying to end the relationship or that she had ended it when his money ran out. I am having doubts now.

She was recently rehired at the company where he works. It is about an hour away. He promised me that he wasn't driving her to work this time. They met when her carpool disbanded and she needed a ride. She has a car now. Well, I thought I would check for myself today. Her car is parked at her apt. I am going to park at a nearby lot and watch to see if he drops her off today and how long it takes if he does. 

The ironic thing is when our 23 yr old daughter moved out of state, we insisted she make it on her own. We have sent no money to her apart from the $50 I sent her for Christmas. Yet, he can pay the bills for a BIMBO with a helpless act!


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Happy Birthday.

It sounds to me like you are still married but he doesn't hold that same attitude. Do you really believe that he is paying her bills, buying her gifts and getting nothing in return? It sounds like much more than an EA.


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## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

Lets put it this way, an EA is all I can prove. He insists that she is a friend and nothing more but I am not so sure regarding his feelings for her. I think he would like more but I think she just wants the financial support. Time will tell.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mom876! 

I'm sorry it's such a sucky time. 

I'd send you a cake if I could (well...maybe a cupcake...that's all I can afford right now  ).


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Happy birthday, Mom876!

I agree, the best gift he could give you is to take responsibility for his actions and cut all ties to the OW.


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## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone. They were about all I received. Not so much as a card from my husband, just a happy birthday when he went to work this morning.

I did find out that he has been taking her to work for the past 2 weeks. He said she has no money for gas and her TV was repoed.
I told him I didn't have it in me to have any sympathy for her and as far as I am concerned she has ruined my life with her neediness.
He didn't have a response for that.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

happy birthday. go sagittarian. if your n e thing like me. your a strong character.


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