# Jealousy to arousal - with wife



## Sr91 (Nov 6, 2021)

I (30m) am happily married to a wonderful woman (28) for the past 4 years.
I met my wife when she was 21. Coming from a traditional Middle Eastern background, I used to be insecure and jealous about her having slept with a lot of men. She comes from a western background and grew up much more liberal. I always knew that this was my problem and not hers, and worked on myself to accept that as I love her.

Fast forward a few years and I absolutely love the idea that my wife had slept with a lot of men and it fuels our bedroom talk ie she loves it when I call her a **** etc. Also, I realize this is why she always satisfies so well haha

Our sex life is amazing and I could not be happier! I wish I realized how stupid my insecurities were earlier but it’s never too late. I’m so lucky to have a sexual wife.

I don’t know how many other men feel this way but trust me you will be much happier when you embrace it


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Nope, I prefer a woman with morals who was never the lay about town, the other's "experience" come with baggage and consequences that will always bite the marriage and the man in the backside in the end.


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Nope, I prefer a woman with morals who was never the lay about town, the other's "experience" come with baggage and consequences that will always bite the marriage and the man in the backside in the end.


I get this perspective, but am curious to know if you hold yourself and men in general to the same standards? Maybe you do, but I don’t know so I need to ask.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Cici1990 said:


> I get this perspective, but am curious to know if you hold yourself and men in general to the same standards? Maybe you do, but I don’t know so I need to ask.


From a moral perspective, absolutely; from a biological impact perspective less so, from a psychological impact perspective, on par with biological impact, but I would say that overall, the answer would be yes.

Since this "gender as a spectrum" is chromosomally and as far as sexual organ development, total BS, there is a difference between men and woman as to the psychological and physical impact of multiple sex partners and promiscuity. Most STDs are also very sexist as they tend to be transmitted to women far more easily than to straight men (simple mechanics of the act of sex as to what is internal and what is external and how easily it can be cleaned).

I am also a straight male and would never consider another male as a sexual partner, thus another man's sexual proclivities has never, nor would it ever cross my radar as a selection criteria for a partner, thus I never give it much thought really. I'm more worried about the sexual history of women, because I am biologically wired to assess them in such a regard.

Women being the gatekeepers of sex also have the power to dictate the overall state of promiscuity of society as a woman generally can sleep with most men she wants to and is virtually guaranteed a ONS each time she wants one, but a man can only have sex with whom would allow him to do so (the top 20% of the guys can perhaps have the privileges of women, but the rest definitely not), therefore putting the moral state of a woman squarely on her own shoulders and the moral state of society at large on the shoulders of women collectively. The majority of men on the other hand have less culpability because they generally have to work hard to even get to be allowed to have sex and therefore simply aren't able to be as promiscuous as a woman on a similar biological level.

Even considering the caveats above, it is best for a man to be as moral as possible. It just makes life so much less complicated.

In the end it's up to a woman to decide what she would accept and in my experience, most women are loyal to a man who is also desired by other women and has at least a bit more sexual experience than herself. In contrast most men, if honest to their biology, would prefer to marry a virgin (as best case scenario).


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> From a moral perspective, absolutely; from a biological impact perspective less so, from a psychological impact perspective, on par with biological impact, but I would say that overall, the answer would be yes.
> 
> Since this "gender as a spectrum" is chromosomally and as far as sexual organ development, total BS, there is a difference between men and woman as to the psychological and physical impact of multiple sex partners and promiscuity. Most STDs are also very sexist as they tend to be transmitted to women far more easily than to straight men (simple mechanics of the act of sex as to what is internal and what is external and how easily it can be cleaned).
> 
> ...


As per usual DV, you are right on the money. It’s about respect for oneself. Having multiple partners is fine - but it gets gross after awhile if it keeps piling up with more bodies - and yes, from a moral standpoint, I hold the same standard for men and women. I’m quite proud of myself for holding out on having sex with only my wife - and she for only having one partner prior to meeting me. It makes it considerably more special for us.
As in, the way a wife and husband should be. We respect each other and we are loyal to each other - even when things get difficult in our marriage. I find this to be of utmost importance so that our children learn how men and women are supposed to treat each other instead of having constant turmoil around them.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sr91 said:


> I (30m) am happily married to a wonderful woman (28) for the past 4 years.
> I met my wife when she was 21. Coming from a traditional Middle Eastern background, I used to be insecure and jealous about her having slept with a lot of men. She comes from a western background and grew up much more liberal. I always knew that this was my problem and not hers, and worked on myself to accept that as I love her.
> 
> Fast forward a few years and I absolutely love the idea that my wife had slept with a lot of men and it fuels our bedroom talk ie she loves it when I call her a **** etc. Also, I realize this is why she always satisfies so well haha
> ...


Did you have a question?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> Did you have a question?


It seems he's here to tell anyone with a **** ***** of a wife to be grateful he has her, I guess.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

manwithnoname said:


> It seems he's here to tell anyone with a *** **** of a wife to be grateful he has her, I guess.


“Everything is great guys, really”. 
“No really, things are great.............”


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Andy1001 said:


> “Everything is great guys, really”.
> “No really, things are great.............”


He says followed with nervous laughter….. 😂

Andy1001, I have a feeling you are correct with this assessment.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Nothing like having your woman good and broken in......by hundreds of men.....😋


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Nothing like having your woman good and broken in......by hundreds of men.....😋


Or continually getting broke in by other men once you are married. Can’t think of anything more exciting.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Or continually getting broke in by other men once you are married. Can’t think of anything more exciting.


Apparently just thinking about all the sausage his wife got stuffed with is enough to light his 🔥.🤣


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> From a moral perspective, absolutely; from a biological impact perspective less so, from a psychological impact perspective, on par with biological impact, but I would say that overall, the answer would be yes.
> 
> Since this "gender as a spectrum" is chromosomally and as far as sexual organ development, total BS, there is a difference between men and woman as to the psychological and physical impact of multiple sex partners and promiscuity. Most STDs are also very sexist as they tend to be transmitted to women far more easily than to men (simple mechanics of the act of sex as to what is internal and what is external and how easily it can be cleaned).
> 
> ...


Thank you for such a detailed explanation of your thoughts. I will just skim over the things that I don’t agree with because I am not here to debate, was truly just curious on your thoughts.

I am not a man and I am not sexually interested in women so who am I to judge if a man prefers a virgin or doesn’t care if she’s had 5, 15, or 25 partners before him? I understand that some of it is somewhat hardwired in a biological sense. I know both kind of men in real life. From those who I have talked to about this in conversation before, most seem to expect that the majority of women will not be virgins on their wedding day and most of them have some sort of general predetermined number in their minds that indicates to them if she’s had too many partners for them to be interested in a LTR. I have my own thoughts there but not worth arguing and I understand why people have their preferences.

Although many studies show that both men and women prefer spouses with a smaller number of previous sexual partners, I am not interested in sexually inexperienced men. Even as a teenage virgin the idea of having sex with a teenage male virgin or somebody who had only been with one other person a handful of times did not appeal to me and thus I did not sleep with someone that fit that description. It’s not really something I consciously think about, but I’m just not turned on by that. I am always more attracted (on a more biological, physical level) to men who have had many sexual partners and maybe that puts me in the minority.

Interestingly I remember seeing a study at one point that found that both men and women were happier in their marriage if they themselves had fewer past sexual partners…so not based on how many their spouse had but how many partners they themselves had. That is suspect to me. Makes me wonder if these people were “happier” because they didn’t have as much to compare their spouses to sexually.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Cici1990 said:


> From those who I have talked to about this in conversation before, most seem to expect that the majority of women will not be virgins on their wedding day and most of them have some sort of general predetermined number in their minds that indicates to them if she’s had too many partners for them to be interested in a LTR.


Speaking for myself and echoing the sentiments of most men this subject have come up with in conversation, they, almost all, would have preferred to marry a virgin. We have no choice but to compromise because of the moral decay as resulted from the factors I explained in the previous post. Each man she has slept with is considered a further stretch of that compromise until the number becomes untenable and the woman is no longer a prospect for a partner at all. Casual sexual partners are far worse than partners with whom she had been in a committed relationship with, since it indicates that she has no respect for the sanctity of sex and considers it as a mechanical act as opposed to a spiritual union. Obviously the number of partners are factored against the woman's age.

Some may brand the above judgmental and discriminating. Two words that has become negative in the current lexicon, but when critically examined stand to be necessary for the survival of both the individual and civilization at large. It simply means that it is wise to weigh the facts and exclude that which would have a net negative impact. Some people have the ability to extrapolate impact beyond the immediate and those people are blessed with wisdom.



Cici1990 said:


> Interestingly I remember seeing a study at one point that found that both men and women were happier in their marriage if they themselves had fewer past sexual partners…so not based on how many their spouse had but how many partners they themselves had. That is suspect to me. Makes me wonder if these people were “happier” because they didn’t have as much to compare their spouses to sexually.


Is the reason why they are happy not actually irrelevant when considering the fact that they are? Sex is not like knowledge where we can logically argue that having more and a wider variety is a good thing and only the unenlightened would not partake. I have read the same study (most probably) and a couple of studies that are in concurrence. If less sexual partners equates to a higher chance of happiness in a long term relationship, conventional wisdom (or any wisdom at all) would dictate less sexual partners. Some kinds of experiences negatively impacts one's future and future happiness and is best avoided. That too should be common wisdom.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Speaking for myself and echoing the sentiments of most men this subject have come up with in conversation, they, almost all, would have preferred to marry a virgin. We have no choice but to compromise because of the moral decay as resulted from the factors I explained in the previous post. Each man she has slept with is considered a further stretch of that compromise until the number becomes untenable and the woman is no longer a prospect for a partner at all. Casual sexual partners are far worse than partners with whom she had been in a committed relationship with, since it indicates that she has no respect for the sanctity of sex and considers it as a mechanical act as opposed to a spiritual union. Obviously the number of partners are factored against the woman's age.
> 
> Some may brand the above judgmental and discriminating. Two words that has become negative in the current lexicon, but when critically examined stand to be necessary for the survival of both the individual and civilization at large. It simply means that it is wise to weigh the facts and exclude that which would have a net negative impact. Some people have the ability to extrapolate impact beyond the immediate and those people are blessed with wisdom.
> 
> ...


Perfection, DV. The constant casual sex makes me wonder if the person is capable of having a loving, spiritual connection with someone else.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sr91 said:


> I (30m) am happily married to a wonderful woman (28) for the past 4 years.
> I met my wife when she was 21. Coming from a traditional Middle Eastern background, I used to be insecure and jealous about her having slept with a lot of men. She comes from a western background and grew up much more liberal. I always knew that this was my problem and not hers, and worked on myself to accept that as I love her.
> 
> Fast forward a few years and I absolutely love the idea that my wife had slept with a lot of men and it fuels our bedroom talk ie she loves it when I call her a **** etc. Also, I realize this is why she always satisfies so well haha
> ...


Seems like you are fishing here, which always seems strange to me. There are sites for this you know? Wouldn't they be more effective. However given the preponderance of people who have been active on that lifestyle on this board, I suspect maybe there is a whole underground community here. 

I would caution you not to fall into the trap of thinking of your wife like a porn-star. Porn-stars might be easy to get off over, but they don't make good spouses. Make sure you haven't conditioned your mind to be attracted to a highly promiscuous lifestyle because you have spent years being in a highly sexual state watching media that portrays that, and stars who engage in that lifestyle. Just because that turns you on in one dimension, doesn't mean that will transfer into two.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Yet the men who want a virgin, most have no problem sowing their oats  Pesky biology.

Personally, I'd be very hesitant to marry a virgin but I also wouldn't want a woman who has a higher number than I do.


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

So you posted to give advice to the men here that they should only date girls that where promiscuous before they met you? 

Seriously?


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Speaking for myself and echoing the sentiments of most men this subject have come up with in conversation, they, almost all, would have preferred to marry a virgin. We have no choice but to compromise because of the moral decay as resulted from the factors I explained in the previous post. Each man she has slept with is considered a further stretch of that compromise until the number becomes untenable and the woman is no longer a prospect for a partner at all. Casual sexual partners are far worse than partners with whom she had been in a committed relationship with, since it indicates that she has no respect for the sanctity of sex and considers it as a mechanical act as opposed to a spiritual union. Obviously the number of partners are factored against the woman's age.
> 
> Some may brand the above judgmental and discriminating. Two words that has become negative in the current lexicon, but when critically examined stand to be necessary for the survival of both the individual and civilization at large. It simply means that it is wise to weigh the facts and exclude that which would have a net negative impact. Some people have the ability to extrapolate impact beyond the immediate and those people are blessed with wisdom.
> 
> ...


Well, I do not really find sex to be spiritual personally and it is just an alternative to masturbation. My main concern is having fun and getting off. I don’t have any feeling of deep spiritual experience with sex. It’s not a very emotional thing for me most of the time, only on occasion. This is just how I feel and I know many people feel quite differently and no judgment from me there. I feel that I SHOULD probably see sex as something much deeper than that, but I just don’t feel that way. I completely understand why others feel differently.

I also don’t think it matters WHY a person is satisfied or happy with their marriage and of having fewer sexual partners contributes to that or possibly happens to just be a coexisting factor, it’s got nothing to do with me and isn’t my business. I just found the study interesting and some instant questions sprang to mind. It turns out that the researchers had some of the same speculation that I did and believe that one reason could be “not knowing what they’re missing,” I’m addition to wondering if people who saved themselves for marriage simply valued marriage and commitment more in the first place which generally resulted in them reporting being happier with their marriage overall.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

an interesting point of view SR91.

just so you have thought this all thru, last month there was a guy on here doing a similar thing: he used the concept of his wife as being a "hotwife" during their foreplay. it got both of them very hot, and the sex was fantastic. they kept this role play up for quite some time, before every love making session.

then one day his wife said "hey when i was out with my friends, this guy was kissing me in the bar. you're ok with that, right?"
And his little fantasy sex world came crashing to a halt as he realized all that fantasy foreplay basically GAVE his wife tacit permission to go hump other guys. he had become a cuckold. He stopped all this fantasy foreplay, and made her swore she would not be kissing other guys at the bar. but you could tell by his responses here, he was not sure if she just gave him lip service--telling him what he wanted to hear now. But instead she was likely doing the deed with multiple men on her twice a week "girls night out".

So consider carefully. lay out the exact boundary conditions of your wife's sexual escapades. If you expect this to only be a sexual fantasy, you had better make that clear to her. the way it is right now, if she came home and told you two men took her up to their hotel room and had hours of kinky sex with her, that she would expect you to be PLEASED and want to hear every detail.

but indeed, if you WANT her to do it, there are better forums to discuss it. try https://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=5.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I think many of you are missing his point, which I _think_ is that prudish women without much sexual experience are unlikely to be amazing sex partners when you marry them. However, I also get the feeling that he is a retroactively vicarious cuckold! If that works for him, then great.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sr91 said:


> I (30m) am happily married to a wonderful woman (28) for the past 4 years.
> I met my wife when she was 21. Coming from a traditional Middle Eastern background, I used to be insecure and jealous about her having slept with a lot of men. She comes from a western background and grew up much more liberal. I always knew that this was my problem and not hers, and worked on myself to accept that as I love her.
> 
> Fast forward a few years and I absolutely love the idea that my wife had slept with a lot of men and it fuels our bedroom talk ie she loves it when I call her a **** etc. Also, I realize this is why she always satisfies so well haha
> ...


It makes more sense than marrying someone who doesn't have enough sexual interest to even have had prior lovers. It just always amazes me when I hear people complain about marrying virginal or inexperienced women and then expecting them to have sex like porn stars. If a woman is very sexual she is going to have some lovers and experience. And it's better if she gets them before marriage instead of after because that's what could happen.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

Married but Happy said:


> I think many of you are missing his point, which I _think_ is that prudish women without much sexual experience are unlikely to be amazing sex partners when you marry them. However, I also get the feeling that he is a retroactively vicarious cuckold! If that works for him, then great.


Oh, but we can learn. 😍😈😉


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Cici1990 said:


> Well, I do not really find sex to be spiritual personally and it is just an alternative to masturbation. My main concern is having fun and getting off. I don’t have any feeling of deep spiritual experience with sex. It’s not a very emotional thing for me most of the time, only on occasion. This is just how I feel and I know many people feel quite differently and no judgment from me there. I feel that I SHOULD probably see sex as something much deeper than that, but I just don’t feel that way. I completely understand why others feel differently.
> 
> I also don’t think it matters WHY a person is satisfied or happy with their marriage and of having fewer sexual partners contributes to that or possibly happens to just be a coexisting factor, it’s got nothing to do with me and isn’t my business. I just found the study interesting and some instant questions sprang to mind. It turns out that the researchers had some of the same speculation that I did and believe that one reason could be “not knowing what they’re missing,” I’m addition to wondering if people who saved themselves for marriage simply valued marriage and commitment more in the first place which generally resulted in them reporting being happier with their marriage overall.


Some people are meant to be happy in long term monogamous relationships and provide stable families, others aren't. The key is to know yourself and not negatively impact others in the process both of this generation and the next.

It is our own individual responsibilities to know our natures and live our lives surrounding ourselves only with the people that compliment who we are by nature. It necessitates avoiding people who would impact our core values negatively. It is truly sad when those worlds do collide or become enmeshed, because it invariably leads to devastating and soul destroying consequences mostly for the more moral as well as those innocent resulting from such a union. The baser human on the other hand was destined for a dire future once their only true currency, being their youthful beauty and/or resources fails them.

It is best those polar opposite people not intermingle as one is on a path to build, but can not do so in the midst of the havoc the other espouses and exudes. Apart only half of civilization is destined for spectacular collapse where infrastructure is disassembled in favor of the cause of the day while the other half would build from the family level up to the eventual conquest of space and time. Forced together with the realists muzzled and stripped of hearth, house and wealth by cancel culture, big tech, big pharma, mega banking and literal laws that has no place under the name of justice the only path remaining is off the cliff to oblivion and enslavement to global corporations or decrepitly and death due to planned resource shortages for those not fully embracing their new status as slavery.

I think it's time for a mass divorce, hopefully amicable, but most likely not. The progressives and the conservatives are no longer culturally compatible as the left has simply moved way too far left on matters of morality, sexuality, race, immigration, economy, animal rights, individual autonomy and suppression of free speech as to form a literal global tyranny to which there is no peaceful answer and too many people have been far too deeply indoctrinated to be saved from the flames of their own enslavement towards which they march with glee and in utter disgust of those who will not adopt Newspeek and agree that 2+2 is indeed 5.

It saddens me that so many people will be lost to the mill as they turn their backs on morality and all that is by nature sacred and embrace the body and light weight spiritual pursuits that are but a poisoned breeze through the wilted meadows designed to dissipate their very souls and lay their spirit to dust.

[Sorry the response took so long, I'm in South Africa and the electricity once more went off for yet one more hour. See your future, because we were the prototype to refine the techniques for the destruction of a First World Country. The USA is currently being destroyed by the same tactics but there is a facet to your destruction that was not yet ready for us, digital control networks.]

It's a game of Jenga really, knock out the block labeled morality and the whole stack of civilization is just that much closer to it's collapse. Make sex akin to rubbing one out and you have rubbed out the spiritual bond between man and woman that cements the family. Dislodge the family and everything is ready to topple.

Yes, it is indeed time for a grand divorce between those who espouses nothing but manufactured outrage and embraces only the abominable while denying the very core biological nature of man and what is needed to fuel and sustain it and those who wishes to build everything from family to hyper civilization based on the fundamental spirituality and biological imperatives of humans within a moral and just framework free of the laws that only serve to make corporate slaves of mankind.

I am really sad about the inevitable fate of those that strayed so far left that their logic no longer conforms to sanity, but more so for the good people who will be innocently destroyed by the spillover of what is being wrought against their wishes.


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Some people are meant to be happy in long term monogamous relationships and provide stable families, others aren't. The key is to know yourself and not negatively impact others in the process both of this generation and the next.
> 
> It is our own individual responsibilities to know our natures and live our lives surrounding ourselves only with the people that compliment who we are by nature. It necessitates avoiding people who would impact our core values negatively. It is truly sad when those worlds do collide or become enmeshed, because it invariably leads to devastating and soul destroying consequences mostly for the more moral as well as those innocent resulting from such a union. The baser human on the other hand was destined for a dire future once their only true currency, being their youthful beauty and/or resources fails them.
> 
> ...


You do you 😘


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Cici1990 said:


> You do you 😘


I believe me doing me has not been a major topic of my discussion. Those who have made it a major topic of discussion in their own comments, please raise your hands...

My response above tries to inject some levity, however I am not impressed by the lack of maturity and unwillingness to engage on a more intellectual level demonstrated.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I'm one who doesn't care about a woman's number as long as she is healthy and into me.

I sure as hell am not getting my jollies thinking about her getting banged by previous lovers though.🤣


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I think it would be interesting to look into the future and see what kinds of conversations about prior sexual experiences and whether people with notch counts make good marital partners or not 40 years from now. 

Many of the regular posters here are in their 40s-early 60s. Many of us had parents of the war general or baby boomers. 

We grew up in a culture that practiced sexual restraint, dated with intent to marry, married young, had children shortly there after and expected to live a traditional, monogamous marital life until death. 

And there was a pervasive Judeo-Christian religious narrative that even people who weren’t particularly all that religious tended to follow.

That is how we were raised, that is what we expected and that is the prism through which we view and judge the world.

However Virtually none of those paradigms are applicable with this current cohort of teenagers coming up into the world now. 

The graduating class of 2022 is either already sexually active or hopes to be soon. Dating is looked at as a recreational past time to get out and have some fun and not as serious, mindful mate selection process. 

Most have no intentions or aspirations of marriage and child rearing until later into adulthood, if AT ALL.

And a significant number have already experienced the divorce of their parents if their parents were ever even married in the first place. 

Other than some weddings and funerals, Most of the graduating class of 2022 have probably not set foot inside a church or consider themselves part of any kind of organized religious ideology. 

And where as sexuality was a means for procreation and a tie that binds married couples in previous generations, today sexual attraction and chemistry are of a much higher criteria and critical component of dating and relationships than prior generations. In my generation, if you had genuine sexual chemistry with your partner and your partner was good looking as sexy as well as responsible and mature and squared away, that was looked at as sweet icing on the cake. In today’s batch of 18 year olds, it’s the meat and potatoes if not the actual life-blood.

The new batch of young adults hitting the streets today have a completely different paradigm and outlook than many of us regulars here. 

At this rate, in a couple generations, people that have had few sex partners and prioritize hearth and home over sexual experience and sex positivity may be considered the freaks and undesirables. 

Even today, someone man or woman, that has not had sexual experience is looked upon with suspicion and questions of what may be wrong with them.

In another 30 or 40 years, they may be actual pariahs and societal rejects. 

Cont....


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Cont.....

Right now we have a squad of youtube and podcast pundits like Athol Kay, Rollo Tomassi, Richard Cooper et al that have self published books that have no formal psychological, sociological or counseling/therapy credentials whatsoever telling the world that women that have had more than a handful of sex partners in their life are not viable wife/mother candidates because they won’t fit into the SAHM/June Cleaver role well. 

Well guess what, June Cleaver was a fictional character and the entire paradigm of the single breadwinner dad and the dutiful housewife SAHM living happily ever after getting married out of high school as virgins and living blissfully monogamous for the rest of their days faded into the rearview mirror some time during the Jimmy Carter administration. 

Maybe that paradigm was somehow better. But it was better for us 40 years ago as kids in 1980’s world. 

We’re in 2021 now and birth control is here to stay. We have treatments for STIs. We have DNA testing for paternity. We have Tinder, Instagram, Facebook and Ashley Madison, and we have a legal system that protects people’s right to exit a relationship and marriage that isn’t working for them. 

So you can talk about your biological programming that tells you not to marry a woman that has been with 6.8 men and that is fine, we all have our own preferences and criteria.

But part of you is making the assumption that a woman that’s been with the full 7 partners even wants to be your SAHM June Cleaver. She likely doesn’t. 

She likely grew up listening to her grandmother b1tch about how much life actually sucked when that was the societal expectation. 

50 years ago there was a cultural expectation that people should marry as young virgins and spend the rest of their lives in strict monogamy. 

The reason people aren’t doing that know is they have to and they don’t want to. 

People can either b1tch and complain and point fingers and say how screwed up the world is because women are sex of their own volition (gasp!)

Or we can simply lose the expectation that we should be marrying young with little sexual experience and lose the expectation that we will go the rest of our lives never experiencing a break up or divorce or nonmonogamy. 

The OP gets off on that his wife has had some prior sex. Ok good for him!! If that’s how he gets his rocks off, then they are a good match.

...... at least for now. 

Might she cheat and or leave him some day??

Yeah sure, anyone can cheat and pack bags. It happens. 

It happens to couples whether they had prior sex partners or not. There ain’t no guarantees either way.

In today’s world, any marriage is at risk of infidelity or loss of desire or someone just deciding they’ve BTDT and are ready to move on to something or someone else. 

People need to understand that risk and be prepared for it should it happen to them.


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## jimsmith21051 (Nov 8, 2021)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Or continually getting broke in by other men once you are married. Can’t think of anything more exciting.


I know that's how I feel about my wife.I love her attitude toward ****ing men she finds attractive. Working in a bar, where 80% of the male customers are only there hoping to get lucky, she has her pick of who she would like to do. So, why shouldn't she take advantage of the situation. I know she.loves me, so I try to be understanding supportive of her needs.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Cici1990 said:


> Well, I do not really find sex to be spiritual personally and it is just an alternative to masturbation. My main concern is having fun and getting off. I don’t have any feeling of deep spiritual experience with sex. It’s not a very emotional thing for me most of the time, only on occasion. This is just how I feel and I know many people feel quite differently and no judgment from me there. I feel that I SHOULD probably see sex as something much deeper than that, but I just don’t feel that way. I completely understand why others feel differently.
> 
> I also don’t think it matters WHY a person is satisfied or happy with their marriage and of having fewer sexual partners contributes to that or possibly happens to just be a coexisting factor, it’s got nothing to do with me and isn’t my business. I just found the study interesting and some instant questions sprang to mind. It turns out that the researchers had some of the same speculation that I did and believe that one reason could be “not knowing what they’re missing,” I’m addition to wondering if people who saved themselves for marriage simply valued marriage and commitment more in the first place which generally resulted in them reporting being happier with their marriage overall.


You are definitely on the small end of the bell curve in many ways Cici. Your desires and thoughts are yours and I respect that. I hope to find a woman that considers sex a special thing. I’m not all that worried about “body count”, but I don’t want someone who’s been ridden hard and laid up wet. I wish I had never been forced to divorce and look again. I find sex is not at all satisfying if I don’t love the person and actually leaves me feeling lonely and sad about my future. The best sex I’ve had us with the few ladies I’ve loved.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bobert said:


> Yet the men who want a virgin, most have no problem sowing their oats  Pesky biology.
> 
> Personally, I'd be very hesitant to marry a virgin but I also wouldn't want a woman who has a higher number than I do.


A lot of men who want a virgin are also virgins because it's important to them.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

jimsmith21051 said:


> I know that's how I feel about my wife.I love her attitude toward ****ing men she finds attractive. Working in a bar, where 80% of the male customers are only there hoping to get lucky, she has her pick of who she would like to do. So, why shouldn't she take advantage of the situation. I know she.loves me, so I try to be understanding supportive of her needs.


LoL. Sarcasm doesn't show up well in text. 

What I said earlier was a joke. Under no circumstances would I ever want my wife to have sex with another person. I find cheating and/or "hotwife" or cuckold scenarios to be abhorent and disgusting.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

LATERILUS79 said:


> As per usual DV, you are right on the money. It’s about respect for oneself. Having multiple partners is fine - but it gets gross after awhile if it keeps piling up with more bodies - and yes, from a moral standpoint, I hold the same standard for men and women. I’m quite proud of myself for holding out on having sex with only my wife - and she for only having one partner prior to meeting me. It makes it considerably more special for us.
> As in, the way a wife and husband should be. We respect each other and we are loyal to each other - even when things get difficult in our marriage. I find this to be of utmost importance so that our children learn how men and women are supposed to treat each other instead of having constant turmoil around them.


There's no one right answer that fits all couples. And one person's opinion of what a high body count is will vary person to person, and age groups. 

I was waaayy not a virgin when Md, and I had no worries of my Ws count, she wasn't a virgin either and we both lived fully experiencing life, and we never spent more that a second even talking about previous partners, just wasn't an issue. 
So I can't relate to a H now in a ltr having worries about his Ws lovers eons ago.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bobert said:


> Yet the men who want a virgin, most have no problem sowing their oats  Pesky biology.
> 
> Personally, I'd be very hesitant to marry a virgin but I also wouldn't want a woman who has a higher number than I do.


Hence the double standard reinforced.

Totally wrong imo.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> A lot of men who want a virgin are also virgins because it's important to them.


Which is totally fine, and probably a better match anyway. 

What men shouldn't do is bang everything that moves, blame it on "biology", then expect to marry a virgin.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bobert said:


> Which is totally fine, and probably a better match anyway.
> 
> What men shouldn't do is bang everything that moves, blame it on "biology", then expect to marry a virgin.


Ah, the old shouldn't...
But most reality does.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> There's no one right answer that fits all couples. And one person's opinion of what a high body count is will vary person to person, and age groups.
> 
> I was waaayy not a virgin when Md, and I had no worries of my Ws count, she wasn't a virgin either and we both lived fully experiencing life, and we never spent more that a second even talking about previous partners, just wasn't an issue.
> So I can't relate to a H now in a ltr having worries about his Ws lovers eons ago.


Well said, Ragnar.

My viewpoint definitely changed as time moves on. When I met my wife at 22, I expected to come across a woman who had 1 or no previous partners. Why? Because I held myself to the same standard. What works for others is totally fine with me. This was something I personally wanted in a partner. I held off completely until I found the woman I was going to marry. I didn't wait for marriage, but I've only ever been with my wife and I prefer it that way. Yeah, it was tough a few times in college with a few different opportunities, but I'm glad I held off.

Now, if things were to go off the rails and I ended up single again, I wouldn't care about any body count. Doesn't matter at this point. I would assume any woman I would meet has lived her life.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It makes more sense than marrying someone who doesn't have enough sexual interest to even have had prior lovers. It just always amazes me when I hear people complain about marrying virginal or inexperienced women and then expecting them to have sex like porn stars. If a woman is very sexual she is going to have some lovers and experience. And it's better if she gets them before marriage instead of after because that's what could happen.


I have to admit that part of what initially attracted me to my future wife was that I knew she obviously had sexual experience since she was not that long out of a relationship where she had been living with her BF. In my teenage mind that let me know she was open to sex and it was all I cared about at the time. I had no idea at the time I would fall in love with her and I have to admit that later on down the road a part of me wished she had been a virgin and I was her first love, but you can't have it both ways. Over the long haul I've changed my perspective. I'm glad for everything that happened before I met her, because it shaped her to be the woman I love today. 

For the OP, even though I'm all good with what my wife did sexually before dating me I would never in a million years get a sexual thrill out of talking to her about details of the past. I certainly wouldn't want to hear about it in the middle of sex with her.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

LATERILUS79 said:


> LoL. Sarcasm doesn't show up well in text.
> 
> What I said earlier was a joke. Under no circumstances would I ever want my wife to have sex with another person. I find cheating and/or "hotwife" or cuckold scenarios to be abhorent and disgusting.


Your sarcasm came through quite clearly, I kind of assumed he was being sarcastic as well. Was he serious? 

I can’t wrap my head around the whole cuckold thing either. 
There are lots of things I understand but just don’t agree with. With these cuckold types, I can’t even wrap my head around it.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

DudeInProgress said:


> Your sarcasm came through quite clearly, I kind of assumed he


@jimsmith21051 has one post, which was posted immediately after joining. He wasn't being serious or sarcastic, he's being a 5-letter word for ****s and giggles. IMO.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

It's nice to see that some men are still living in the Iron Age...


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

bobert said:


> @jimsmith21051 has one post, which was posted immediately after joining. He wasn't being serious or sarcastic, he's being a 5-letter word for ****s and giggles. IMO.


I wonder if it could be a recently banned member, popping in to get some attention?

(Reworded for accuracy.)


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Sr91 said:


> I (30m) am happily married to a wonderful woman (28) for the past 4 years.
> I met my wife when she was 21. Coming from a traditional Middle Eastern background, I used to be insecure and jealous about her having slept with a lot of men. She comes from a western background and grew up much more liberal. I always knew that this was my problem and not hers, and worked on myself to accept that as I love her.
> 
> Fast forward a few years and I absolutely love the idea that my wife had slept with a lot of men and it fuels our bedroom talk ie she loves it when I call her a **** etc. Also, I realize this is why she always satisfies so well haha
> ...


Since I only saw one post on this thread by the OP, I am wondering about the point of this. 

My comment is to each their own. People can have transformational experiences in their life. Alcoholics are capable of never touching alcohol again. People can find religion. People can loose weight and start exercising. And people can commit to monogamy.

There is a whole syndrome called the Madonna - Wh#re complex. There are many men who are into cuckold fetishes. 

The point is that this guy has found happiness with his wife and it seems his wife has found happiness with him.

That is great. I hope it lasts. I hope that they debrief after the bedroom jealousy talks, just so they each better understand the others point of view.

Good luck.


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## Cici1990 (Feb 22, 2021)

Twodecades said:


> I wonder if it could be a recently banned member, popping in to get some attention?
> 
> (Reworded for accuracy.)


Don’t insult me. I would have been far more creative and annoying than that.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Nope, I prefer a woman with morals who was never the lay about town, the other's "experience" come with baggage and consequences that will always bite the marriage and the man in the backside in the end.


I get what you're saying, but why is that? I'm trying to understand the psychology behind it.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

GC1234 said:


> I get what you're saying, but why is that? I'm trying to understand the psychology behind it.


Why would you prefer an educated, affluent man or [insert your standards here]. I have my standards, plain and simple. My friends happen to be likeminded and share in most of those standards including this one, I guess that is why they are my friends.

The psychology is simple. I have never been interested in anything or anybody that is communal free use or has ever been.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Why would you prefer an educated, affluent man or [insert your standards here]. I have my standards, plain and simple. My friends happen to be likeminded and share in those most of those standards including this one, I guess that is why they are my friends.
> 
> The psychology is simple. I have never been interested in anything or anybody that is communal free use or has ever been.


My husband has been around, he's a different person now, why hold his past against him?


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

GC1234 said:


> My husband has been around, he's a different person now, why hold his past against him?


Your standards and preferences are yours. Mine are mine. I live by the consequences of my choices, you by yours and each other person by theirs.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Your standards and preferences are yours. Mine are mine. I live by the consequences of my choices, you by yours and each other person by theirs.


I'm just trying to understand why a person would refer to another as communal free use. Where is the humanity in that?


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

GC1234 said:


> I'm just trying to understand why a person would refer to another as communal free use. Where is the humanity in that?


Judgement is not a swear word, it is the core of discrimination (which is maligned in the PC lexicon, but without which civilizations fall, starting with the family). Discrimination in turn is fundamental to having any form of discernment.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Dictum Veritas said:


> Judgement is not a swear word, it is the core of discrimination (which is maligned in the PC lexicon, but without which civilizations fall, starting with the family). Discrimination in turn is fundamental to having any form of discernment.


That just sounds like you're minimizing my question.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

GC1234 said:


> That just sounds like you're minimizing my question.


There is no rule that a human has to conform to another's idea of humanity, unless you support cancel culture or inversely seeking acceptance and approval. I subscribe to the concept that it's everyone's given right to take any position that would result in him/her being an a-hole in someone's eyes, because in the end any strongly held conviction which a person has the guts to stand up for would result in just that.

My position has been clearly stated already and I am not going to personalize it here and make a named or implied person subject to it.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Dictum Veritas said:


> There is no rule that a human has to conform to another's idea of humanity, unless you support cancel culture or inversely seeking acceptance and approval. I subscribe to the concept that it's everyone's given right to take any position that would result in him/her being an a-hole in someone's eyes, because in the end any strongly held conviction which a person has the guts to stand up for would result in just that.
> 
> My position has been clearly stated already and I am not going to personalize it here and make a named or implied person subject to it.


I don't care if you want to be discerning. I just don't understand WHY you would, and many others for that matter, suggest that anyone who makes the choices you don't agree with are garbage, and any less human? I'm trying to understand WHY you are discerning in this manner.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

GC1234 said:


> I don't care if you want to be discerning. I just don't understand WHY you would, and many others for that matter, suggest that anyone who makes the choices you don't agree with are garbage, and any less human? I'm trying to understand WHY you are discerning in this manner.


The great thing about being judgmental is that you expect to be judged in return, that frees you up to judge without feeling the need to justify when doing so would either require a greater expenditure of energy or would fall on ears that can turn a charged climate against you. For one of these reasons or something entirely different, I will state categorically that my opinions are known. That I will neither confirm or deny that you have interpreted my opinion correctly in your statement as quoted and that my judgement stands as a personal judgement, impacting only my own life and the values I bequeath my children and does so without the need for justification or explanation.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

GC1234 said:


> I get what you're saying, but why is that? I'm trying to understand the psychology behind it.


Very simple: men do not bear children, women do. from an evolutionary point of view man has always seek and will always seek a partner were they can have a modicum of an assurance that the child that presumably is his is really his. This is a standard by which we all men should judge or take into consideration when seeking for a mate. 

This is the point for men since forever; which in societies around the world has translated into judgement of the " town bicycle" females, and their avoidance at all cost as a mate. It is, and it's supposed to be ingrained in all men in this world, but this days, some men don't really know if they are men, or what it is to be a man.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> Very simple: men do not bear children, women do. from an evolutionary point of view man has always seek and will always seek a partner were they can have a modicum of an assurance that the child that presumably is his is really his. This is a standard by which we all men should judge or take into consideration when seeking for a mate.
> 
> This is the point for men since forever; which in societies around the world has translated into judgement of the " town bicycle" females, and their avoidance at all cost as a mate. It is, and it's supposed to be ingrained in all men in this world, but this days, some men don't really know if they are men, or what it is to be a man.


LOLOLOL


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Rob_1 said:


> Very simple: men do not bear children, women do. from an evolutionary point of view man has always seek and will always seek a partner were they can have a modicum of an assurance that the child that presumably is his is really his. This is a standard by which we all men should judge or take into consideration when seeking for a mate.
> 
> This is the point for men since forever; which in societies around the world has translated into judgement of the " town bicycle" females, and their avoidance at all cost as a mate. It is, and it's supposed to be ingrained in all men in this world, but this days, some men don't really know if they are men, or what it is to be a man.


Actually, there are some Polynesian cultures where there is a low fertility rate, where a woman's status and value increase after she has had a child and is looking for a husband. So what you describe is not universal. In those societies, she is viewed as a woman who has proven she can provide her husband with children, if he is up to it.

Again, part of dating is to learn about each other, to find the qualities and values you each have, and to learn how much you care for each other. If you find someone who you love and who loves you and for whom the two of your are a great fit, then by all means marry them. I also believe that someone can have a transformational experience. Just because someone was a **** or slept around, doesn't mean that they can't change. If someone has changed and proven they have changed, it really should matter little about their former love life. 

Besides, sex with a virgin is highly over-rated as they and their body really don't know what they are doing until they have had lots of experience.


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## Guywithwife (Nov 12, 2021)

Sr91 said:


> I (30m) am happily married to a wonderful woman (28) for the past 4 years.
> I met my wife when she was 21. Coming from a traditional Middle Eastern background, I used to be insecure and jealous about her having slept with a lot of men. She comes from a western background and grew up much more liberal. I always knew that this was my problem and not hers, and worked on myself to accept that as I love her.
> 
> Fast forward a few years and I absolutely love the idea that my wife had slept with a lot of men and it fuels our bedroom talk ie she loves it when I call her a **** etc. Also, I realize this is why she always satisfies so well haha
> ...


Same here. My wife had a reputation in school about ****ing on first dates. Shes very cute. I love knowing that other guys get turned on by her. Id love to watch another guy enter her.


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## Twodecades (Apr 4, 2021)

Guywithwife said:


> Same here. My wife had a reputation in school about ****ing on first dates. Shes very cute. I love knowing that other guys get turned on by her. Id love to watch another guy enter her.


Cici? That you?! 🤣😂


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> It's nice to see that some men are still living in the Iron Age...


Couple of notches above stone age!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

GC1234 said:


> I'm just trying to understand why a person would refer to another as communal free use. Where is the humanity in that?


I see it as if his wife slept around...she would not have the same moral code as he does. If one was "loose" they will always be seen that way be the men who know her and she will always be a target by those kinds of guys, married or not. If her moral code was lax enough to sleep around then it would seem that it could also be susceptible to continue to sleep around after marriage.

Also i had in the past read the study where the more partners a woman has had, the less satisfied she is in her current relationship.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> I see it as if his wife slept around...she would not have the same moral code as he does. If one was "loose" they will always be seen that way be the men who know her and she will always be a target by those kinds of guys, married or not. If her moral code was lax enough to sleep around then it would seem that it could also be susceptible to continue to sleep around after marriage.
> 
> Also i had in the past read the study where the more partners a woman has had, the less satisfied she is in her current relationship.


Then it should be chalked up to not having the same moral code. I'm just not clear about why some men feel the need to drag a person through the mud because 'they don't have the same moral code'. It's usually but not always the men who also don't really have a high moral code for themselves. I just don't get the double standard of it. But there are those who are so high and mighty in their moral code and feel the need to chastise others they consider 'beneath them'.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

GC1234 said:


> Then it should be chalked up to not having the same moral code. I'm just not clear about why some men feel the need to drag a person through the mud because 'they don't have the same moral code'. It's usually but not always the men who also don't really have a high moral code for themselves. I just don't get the double standard of it. But there are those who are so high and mighty in their moral code and feel the need to chastise others they consider 'beneath them'.


I see alot of that from both sides about various things. A lot of women typically act that way toward each other alot. Women are just vicious with other women.

A man should not stick to a code he is not willing to follow himself. At the same time a woman should not get upset if she is "next'ed" due to her sexual choices not being compatible with his code, if he follows his own code.

There were women that chose to be Bad Boy Toys and would not give us nice guys a 2nd look. Then they came full circle and were upset i would not give them a 2nd look now. I chose to remain chast till the age of 22 looking for my "One and only to be her one and only" i was looking in wrong places as i could not find those girls. They all wanted to mess around and not get serious. When they rethought it after tiring of the hit it and quit it guys....to the guy staying chaste...they are just used merchandise.


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