# I hate Valentines Day



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

OK.
So, I have always rebelled against Valentines day. IMO it's a man made "holiday" to boost business for certain companies.
I have made it my mission to skip this day and treat it like every other day. I give gifts when I want to give gifts, not when "the man" tells me to.

Having said this, I have been changing things up and it's been working wonders for our relationship. I have decided to celebrate Valentines day just because I love my wife and I know she will appreciate something.

Next question, 
What in the world should I get her ????????????
Don't want to go out to dinner with all the million other people that night. Perhaps a gift. Can you help a guy out with ideas ??

Thanks.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

UMP said:


> OK.
> So, I have always rebelled against Valentines day. IMO it's a man made "holiday" to boost business for certain companies.
> I have made it my mission to skip this day and treat it like every other day. I give gifts when I want to give gifts, not when "the man" tells me to.
> 
> ...


kudos to you for looking past your dislike of the holiday for the sake of your wife. that's a big part of what marriage is all about.

almost every holiday is too commercialized and have lost their original intent (presidents day, veterans day, x-mass, you name it). do we really spend labor day thinking about and honoring the sweat and toil of our forefathers? 

so what? we can still celebrate them in our own way and honor the original intent if we want to and are so inclined.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

UMP said:


> OK.
> So, I have always rebelled against Valentines day. IMO it's a man made "holiday" to boost business for certain companies.
> I have made it my mission to skip this day and treat it like every other day. I give gifts when I want to give gifts, not when "the man" tells me to.
> 
> ...


Is there an activity that she has always wanted to do?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> kudos to you for looking past your dislike of the holiday for the sake of your wife. that's a big part of what marriage is all about.
> 
> almost every holiday is too commercialized and have lost their original intent (presidents day, veterans day, x-mass, you name it). do we really spend labor day thinking about and honoring the sweat and toil of our forefathers?
> 
> so what? we can still celebrate them in our own way and honor the original intent if we want to and are so inclined.


She will be shocked because I've complained about valentines day for over 24 years. 
I have no idea what to get.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Relationship Teacher said:


> Is there an activity that she has always wanted to do?


No, not really.
This is the same woman that cancelled our trip to Vegas (first class tickets) so she could stay home with our kids, just because she would rather stay home! WTF!

She likes little things. She would be more impressed with a personalized one paragraph letter rather than a new car. For real.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> No, not really.
> This is the same woman that cancelled our trip to Vegas (first class tickets) so she could stay home with our kids, just because she would rather stay home! WTF!
> 
> She likes little things. She would be more impressed with a personalized one paragraph letter rather than a new car. For real.


That is my favorite gift, too: a love letter.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Cook her dinner - and clean up afterwards!


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

UMP said:


> No, not really.
> This is the same woman that cancelled our trip to Vegas (first class tickets) so she could stay home with our kids, just because she would rather stay home! WTF!
> 
> She likes little things. She would be more impressed with a personalized one paragraph letter rather than a new car. For real.


KISS her.

Maybe get a maid for the day. Eliminate some of the daily tasks she has to perform and let her kick back.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Yup, we shouldn't need one day a year to shower someone with commercial gifts to show our love. Show it every day of the year and if you must, a letter and home made meal on Valentine's day. Don't bow to the overpriced roses and chocolates. They are boring and unoriginal anyway.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

karole said:


> Cook her dinner - and clean up afterwards!


Great idea!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Acoa said:


> Yup, we shouldn't need one day a year to shower someone with commercial gifts to show our love. Show it every day of the year and if you must, a letter and home made meal on Valentine's day. Don't bow to the overpriced roses and chocolates. They are boring and unoriginal anyway.


Hey. The chocolate is pretty good.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Neither my SO nor I are much into the commercial holidays. Then again, neither of us are really into big showy gifts any other time either. We've already mutually agreed to skip the usual stuff on Valentine's. That said, any gift that she'd enjoy any time is a suitable substitution for the usual chocolate/roses/lingerie bit. 

home cooked meal
a bouquet of not-roses
concert tickets
a book 
a poem
a heartfelt letter
a nicely framed picture of the two of you together
romantic, child-free, drive through the countryside
romantic, child-free, walk somewhere lovely
gift certificate to a spa or for her favorite salon


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I am not a fan of the one sided approach that valentines is a wife or girlfriend holiday and the man is present just to carter to her. Yes I have dated women like that and in turn gone all out for Valentine's Day with the expectation that this is retuned on steak and BJ day 

That said I'm not much for presents or flowers on V day I would much rather do something. I buy my GF flowers monthly anyway because I want to. So I will get her a card then we will go to a steak dinner and a movie on the 13th. Be in bed a couple hours on the 14th and call Valentine's Day 2016 in the book. Last year we took a skiing trip we both enjoyed. I think activities and memories trump things anyday


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

My husband when he was really sick and couldn't get out made me a card and inside were "coupons" I could trade in at a later date (when he was better) for:

A back rub 
Kiss and kisses
Foot rub
Big hug 

And a "get out of jail free" coupon which he said I could use for any request my heart desired! There wasn't one of each, there were multiples!

Best most heartwarming gift I ever received. Still brings tears to my eyes.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Little things, personalized. And, if I recall correctly, she is a gardener. Well I want one of these Hori Hori 

It's a bit late for custom jewelry, which is my favorite personal gift to give. Unless you know some local crafters. Had you thought of this a month ago I would have sent you to Etsy.com


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

Instead of flowers, I use to give my ExW a rose bush.. i always told her that my "love" lasted longer then the roses i would have bought her.. when we divorced, i had 12 nice roses bushes in my front yard... 
'


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Grab a bucket of chicken and picnic in the park, assuming you don't live in a place that is too cold to do that.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'm one of those women who never cared about gifts... I might even complain he spent too much or take something back.. better for my husband to not even go there... I'm with a lot of men on this.. the commercialism of it all is just wasteful really.. 

But that doesn't mean I'm not Romantic or would dearly love , appreciate something "special" on this day... taking a moment to express how he feels.. me & him getting off alone to reminisce ... take a walk in a park, on a country trail....do something a little "out of the ordinary" -to set the day apart... 

So many ways.. planning a night out , maybe somewhere new.. or a place you shared a great memory....a little candlelight atmosphere... . taking her for a drive to an old "make out spot"... get some peppermint lotion, give her a foot rub.... how about a body message.. put candles around the bathtub... get in there together... lather each other up.... 

Rent a romantic movie, have snacks ready & watch it together cuddling up... put on your best clothes, an old song while dating...dance with her... 

Just a little creativity can do wonders.. and you'll have created a new memory to look back upon.... Don't forget the camera too. 

Putting your feelings into words -you can google romantic stationary.. print that out.. and write something deep & personal to her.. these are lasting moments that we carry with us.. then hopefully she'll want to grab you...and take you to bed.. 

Your Valentines gift ! 

Here is an old thread loaded with ideas.. where it doesn't have to cost big money.. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...ings-do-your-wife-husband-wont-cost-dime.html


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

jld said:


> Hey. The chocolate is pretty good.


Another reason they should be given year round and not just one day. :wink2:


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'm one of those women who never cared about gifts... I might even complain he spent too much or take something back.. better for my husband to not even go there... I'm with a lot of men on this.. the commercialism of it all is just wasteful really..
> 
> But that doesn't mean I'm not Romantic or would dearly love , appreciate something "special" on this day... taking a moment to express how he feels.. me & him getting off alone to reminisce ... take a walk in a park, on a country trail....do something a little "out of the ordinary" -to set the day apart...
> 
> ...


SA, you are the best at gifts. That gift bag you gave me at Christmas is still sitting on my counter. So thoughtful, so kind. Just warms my heart every time I see it. 

Dug still has not read more than the few opening sentences of that book you gave him, though. Some things are beyond even your loveliest efforts . . .


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Acoa said:


> Another reason they should be given year round and not just one day. :wink2:


That's the spirit!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We both dislike VD, and feel it's overly commercialized. Setting aside one day for love hardly makes sense when that should be something for EVERY day - if you've neglected each other the rest of the year, this one day won't fix it.

We are going to dinner this year, though. Friends have a reservation for four, and asked us to join them, so we will - and it is his birthday this week.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

UMP said:


> OK.
> So, I have always rebelled against Valentines day. IMO it's a man made "holiday" to boost business for certain companies.
> I have made it my mission to skip this day and treat it like every other day. I give gifts when I want to give gifts, not when "the man" tells me to.
> 
> ...


I abhore VD too. My BF and I don't celebrate it.

How about a gift of a spa day?


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Do you have a Brighton store in your area? They have a lot of nice purses and accessories. They incorporate the heart symbol in many of their items. I'm sure you could find something she'd like there. 

One thing I like about their stuff is that the heart doesn't scream "VALENTINES" like many other heart-shaped items do. It's more subtle and just part of the overall design. She can use it on a daily basis and it won't look out of place, and she can see the heart to know that you love her.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

http://www.amazon.com/What-I-Love-About-You/dp/0767923154

I go this one year my H was deployed. He loved it. He was amazed at all of the things and details that I remembered about him and our relationship. He still pulls it out from time to time and we laugh.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jld said:


> *SA, you are the best at gifts. That gift bag you gave me at Christmas is still sitting on my counter. So thoughtful, so kind. Just warms my heart every time I see it.
> 
> Dug still has not read more than the few opening sentences of that book you gave him, though. Some things are beyond even your loveliest efforts . . *.


Personalized gifts/ giving - I see this in another light I guess... many times this doesn't cost anything....pretty much like that... . we all love those, don't we- as it's from the







, a show of appreciation......Still they are gifts though , aren't they !

I can see the pressure some men may feel in the last minute if V day crept up on him... oh what do I do.. running to the store.. just wanting to grab something so he won't be in the doghouse ... ya know.. that's kinda  

It HAS become too commercialized.. would any of us want something - if not given from the heart. ... I wouldn't. 

We got this flyer in the mail from a jeweler -all these beautiful necklaces, rings priced $200 & up....I glanced - then in the trash... if my husband went out & spent a big wad of cash on something like that.. I'd probably spank him! He's Ok with that!

Funny thing about me is.. I almost beg our sons to be sure to get their GFs something REALLY nice... when young like that.. it's so exciting.. opening up a piece of jewelry! 

Yet we learn as we live these are not really what fulfills the soul. It's our time together, how we treat each other each & every day.. a Guy can lavish all the fine jewels to a woman.. and still she may walk away if he neglects the smaller everyday things- like listening to her, holding her hand, showing affection .....it just works that way. 

Dug is a very busy guy !... I'll always think it's great he takes the time to post on here ! 
'


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Any holiday that is focused on chocolate and fresh flowers is the BEST holiday as far as I'm concerned. Don't care about a card that's worded just so, or a love letter, or a gift of lingerie, I want chocolate! Those other things are nice but they do NOT take the place of chocolate. Once year my sister gave my a 5 pound chocolate bar for my birthday. I will never forget that as long as I live!

Forget those stupid heart shaped boxes and get the good stuff!

A basket of chocolate bars from around the world. You have to find a specialty shop in your area, Google "chocolatier" and your area.

Flowers, not roses: sunflowers, gerbera daisies, tulips and lilies are fragrant and have staying power.

A drive in the country to find a secluded spot and have some nukkie in the back seat. Bring a towel! Get a play list of music from your college days and sing it out loud together.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

In my area you can have 2 massage therapists come to your home and give you couples massages.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I've never been keen about Valentine's Day either, however, instead of chocolates and flowers that have had the prices go up just before the day, or a card that costs a ridiculous amount of money for a bit of cardboard and ink, there are definitely ways to make your partner feel loved.

It depends on what she likes. I'm pretty sure you would know if she loves massages, or facials/pedicures etc, or just generally being pampered occasionally like that (gift cert is good for that). If she loves musicals/theatre/concerts I bet there are tickets available for something coming out soonish. A promise for a lovely dinner out during the following week maybe.

Personally, I'm taking DH to see Deadpool. That's my gift. I'm not expecting anything as it's sort of a joint present bought with our money. I want to see it too. We'll have a fun night out together. The biggest thing for us on this day is that we're together and enjoying each other's company.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I agree VDay is far too commercial. Like anything in life, and especially in marriage, it's really the little things that make the best memories.

There's not one single material thing that my husband could give me to make my life better. The greatest gift he can give me is his time and attention. My ideal date night (and not just on VDay) would be dinner and conversation, slow dancing in the lounge room, and then going to bed and spending extra time and attention on each other, showing just how much we love and mean to the other.

Too many people focus on the big things, and they can be good, but if anything happened to my husband, it's the little every day things that I would miss the most. Holding his hand while we fall asleep, cuddling up on the couch together watching a movie, cooking together...those little things are so precious to me and are far more important than the "big" things.

If you're doing this for your wife, even though it doesn't mean much to you, bless your heart. Tell her you want to celebrate her - cook her a meal and eat it by candlelight, dance with her, hold her, tell her how much she means to you, how much you love her and then show her


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Every holiday is over commercialized anymore, UMP.

Welcome to modern America.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

frusdil said:


> I agree VDay is far too commercial. Like anything in life, and especially in marriage, it's really the little things that make the best memories.
> 
> There's not one single material thing that my husband could give me to make my life better. The greatest gift he can give me is his time and attention. My ideal date night (and not just on VDay) would be dinner and conversation, slow dancing in the lounge room, and then going to bed and spending extra time and attention on each other, showing just how much we love and mean to the other.
> 
> ...


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

My wife made me (handmade) chocolate covered almonds and chocolate covered strawberries this morning before she left for work. I think she is sending me a message. Thus, I like Valentine's Day. 


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I make my own VD card..... ain't no way I will pay $5 for a manufactured card.

A simple note of gratitude... poem... or a song you wrote about her.

Try this.... construction paper, stapler. Half moon pot, twelve long stem paper flowers....

cut out make-shift bud for each. Inside.. the stems, write something you will do to make

her life easier.... that you rarely do. Remember... has to be "special"

Each 14th... she picks one. 

Maybe you take the kids while she does bubble bath, home cooked meal.

Johnny Mathis slow dancing.... 

I'm simple.... either car stuff, baseball cards, or classical literature..... each one gets my

juices a goin'


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## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

This a first for me she got me nothing. I got flowers, her favorite candy and a card.


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