# Pick your enemy



## StandingInQuicksand (Jun 4, 2012)

If you HAD to pick one, which would you pick and why?

Your WS has a 6 month PA with someone who is a stranger to you.

Your WS has a 6 month PA with someone you know well.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the second one has a double betrayal, no thanks


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

That's like asking which arm to cut off.


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

Neither...but ok the 2nd one.


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## beenbetrayed (Oct 11, 2011)

Lol why in the world would anyone choose the second one over the first one?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> the second one has a double betrayal, no thanks


It is a double betrayal, try hanging out with AP and HH when MH and AP were seeing each other.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Both are bad but I would pick the first one. Because the second one is being hurt by two people that I know. Double-betrayal.


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

ha...I'm all mixed up today and reading wrong or something...stress I guess...
Heck no I would prefer the first one...the second one would be worse! Mis read, or spoke, or something? IDK


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

could be worse I suppose, OM/OW could be your brother or sister


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> could be worse I suppose, OM/OW could be your brother or sister


Or your mother or father.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

or a guy who stuffs burner phones, engagement rings and cash into your mailbox

(joke for the posters who remember our favorite troll)


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

weird related question

would a same sex AP be considered worse, the same or better?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> weird related question
> 
> would a same sex AP be considered worse, the same or better?


That happened to me. Actually, it was worse, in one way, as my girl friend broke off our relationship so she could form a relationship with a woman.

Still, at least she gave me a clean break, no affair, so that's one comfort.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I think if a woman breaks up with a man to be with a woman, it's a blow to his ego, because he thinks, "I am so bad she prefers another WOMAN?!?!" Like Alan on Two and a Half Men. If a man breaks up with a woman to be with a man, it's a boost to her ego, because then she can say the break up had nothing to do with her, it was because he was gay.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

see to me I think the BS would come to the conclusion quicker that it wasn't his/her fault since they couldn't provide their WS with what they desired

but I guess it depends on how progressive your thinking is as to whether or not you believe homosexuality to be a choice or innate


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

I'd prefer the EA with the friend. No mind movies and no worries about one's sexual adequacy.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I think if a woman breaks up with a man to be with a woman, it's a blow to his ego, because he thinks, "I am so bad she prefers another WOMAN?!?!" Like Alan on Two and a Half Men. If a man breaks up with a woman to be with a man, it's a boost to her ego, because then she can say the break up had nothing to do with her, it was because he was gay.


And I was a young and fairly naive 22-year-old, still wet behind the ears.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> or a guy who stuffs burner phones, engagement rings and cash into your mailbox
> 
> (joke for the posters who remember our favorite troll)


He did ride off into the sunset with happy ending.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32192-wife-wants-love-her-life-wtf.html


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> He did ride off into the sunset with happy ending.


but then a rich college student beat his wife up


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

BigLiam said:


> I'd prefer the EA with the friend. No mind movies and no worries about one's sexual adequacy.


depends, for me I wouldnt have stayed if the "love yous" got exchanged

but we can agree that EA AND PA is the worst


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## Betabuster (Jun 7, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I think if a woman breaks up with a man to be with a woman, it's a blow to his ego, because he thinks, "I am so bad she prefers another WOMAN?!?!" Like Alan on Two and a Half Men. If a man breaks up with a woman to be with a man, it's a boost to her ego, because then she can say the break up had nothing to do with her, it was because he was gay.


I've never experienced infidelity in anyway but what i can say is, men are far more willing to forgive and forget a same sex affair.
Mostly because they don't perceive the OW as a threat.
Even if their partner were to break up with man he would most likely move on and find another partner more quickly rather than when it is an affair that occurs with another man.


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## StandingInQuicksand (Jun 4, 2012)

My OW was my closest friend. It totally was a double betrayal and I felt like a total jackass not to have seen it in the two people I talked to the most every day outside of my kids.

But if it had been a total stranger, I think I would have a lot more insecurities. Is she better than me? What kind of person is she? What about her family? How/when did they meet? What did they have in common?

So many questions and opportunities for the imagination to run wild.

I know my OW well and know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm 100000000 times better than her in every way. I know how she manipulated things and how limited their in person time was, etc.

So yeah, I can see it both ways.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> but then a rich college student beat his wife up


but they did R. But afterwards, she ran off with some terminally ill combat veteran and is now having OMs baby. 

But if I had to pick between the two, it would be a PA with stranger for 6 months. I'm assuming the stranger is someone I don't know, probably someone she met at a bar or a coworker I don't know. That would entail her banging this guy many, many times.

This equals deal breaker for me.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

StandingInQuicksand said:


> My OW was my closest friend. It totally was a double betrayal and I felt like a total jackass not to have seen it in the two people I talked to the most every day outside of my kids.
> 
> But if it had been a total stranger, I think I would have a lot more insecurities. Is she better than me? What kind of person is she? What about her family? How/when did they meet? What did they have in common?
> 
> ...


This makes sense.

In my case, the OW was batchit crazy so I could definitely confirm some negative aspects of her character. One being that she was horribly insecure and two, clearly emotionally unstable bordering on insane. Therefore, there's no doubt in my mind that she doesn't compare to me in anyway and I knew that even before my H said those words to me. Also, I've seen her photos so that also helps too. 

Her ridiculous, obsessive and pathetic behaviour after being dumped by my H made me angry at first but now I realize it gives me strange comfort in going forward with R. If my H actually wanted to get back together with a grown woman with children that carried on like Glen Close's character in "Fatal Attraction", then he'd be a lost cause and I'd be better off.

That said, I understand why knowing your H's OW makes it slightly less awful than if she was a stranger.


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## pmiller (Jun 2, 2012)

StandingInQuicksand said:


> If you HAD to pick one, which would you pick and why?
> 
> Your WS has a 6 month PA with someone who is a stranger to you.
> 
> Your WS has a 6 month PA with someone you know well.


I have seen both through my marriage.. then both have points to consider. 

first one is harder to see what is going on.. second one, you can see if the NC is followed a little easier.

Trying to put a hurt level on one or the other for me.. they were the same.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

beenbetrayed said:


> Lol why in the world would anyone choose the second one over the first one?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because you already know the AP very well and that makes screwing their life up much easier and cheaper as you don`t have to hire a PI to get the particulars.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> I think if a woman breaks up with a man to be with a woman, it's a blow to his ego, because he thinks, "I am so bad she prefers another WOMAN?!?!" Like Alan on Two and a Half Men. If a man breaks up with a woman to be with a man, it's a boost to her ego, because then she can say the break up had nothing to do with her, it was because he was gay.


I disagree, I think it works both ways. I know of two men whose GF left them for another woman and they actually told me that they felt better because in the end there was nothing they could have done to prevent them from leaving. They said it would have hurt them more if they had left for another man because they would have been plagued by "What does he have that I don't?



Betabuster said:


> men are far more willing to forgive and forget a same sex affair.Mostly because they don't perceive the OW as a threat. Even if their partner were to break up with man he would most likely move on and find another partner more quickly rather than when it is an affair that occurs with another man.


:iagree:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

morituri said:


> I disagree, I think it works both ways. I know of two men whose GF left them for another woman and they actually told me that they felt better because in the end there was nothing they could have done to prevent them from leaving. They said it would have hurt them more if they had left for another man because they would have been plagued by "What does he have that I don't?
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree:


My bi-sexual girl friend had another boy friend, besides me, too. After getting _that_ talk, was when I learned of the healing powers of the song "Torn Between Two Lovers."

She was incredibly messed up both mentally and physically as her ex-husband had beaten her so badly (in the street, in front of witnesses) that she nearly died. I think that she still loved him, but Social Services told her if she didn't leave him, they'd have to take her children from her, so she divorced him.

That relationship messed with my young, naive head, I have to say.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> That happened to me. Actually, it was worse, in one way, as my girl friend broke off our relationship so she could form a relationship with a woman.


It's possible that lemon could have turned into lemonade if you'd wanted to play it right.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'll pick the PA with the strange, those cluesless f^ckers are losser and don't stand a chance. They were no bodies that my fWW used as toys and bandaids, depending on the state of the marrriage at the time.

But my good friend and the double betrayal cost him greatly. See this vampire (well there all vampires) knew about the unhealthy marriage and knew about the messed up wife and new about the messed up husband and took this knowledge to benifit his own need to get laid. See its my thinking that he could have any chick he wanted but worked on mine. Again knowing what he knew for his benifit. Hell the night I refused to divorce fWW in a heated fight infront of many poeple including this "friend"....he approached her.

Were as all the other OM's were just blind to the reality of what my fWW 1st life was all about and that many new the score of her 2nd life and it was a bunch of emotional unhealthy poeple using each other....not having a clue what I was or my kids were about. Were as the "friend" new damb well he was invading me and my family.

IMO there is a distance that the strange had with regard to me, the kids, my home, basicily her 1st and realy life was out of bound to all her strange, but the "friend was in bound and very close which in the most simplest term was a DOUBLE BETRAYAL!!!!!!!!!


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> but they did R. But afterwards, she ran off with some terminally ill combat veteran and is now having OMs baby.
> 
> But if I had to pick between the two, it would be a PA with stranger for 6 months. I'm assuming the stranger is someone I don't know, probably someone she met at a bar or a coworker I don't know. That would entail her banging this guy many, many times.
> 
> This equals deal breaker for me.


Went back and read the threads. Looks like this Arnold character figured it out, early, as did some other posters.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

BigLiam said:


> Went back and read the threads. Looks like this Arnold character figured it out, early, as did some other posters.


Those Threads have been deleted how did you find them?


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Printed them off months ago , when I was lurking.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Yeah right Arnold


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

This Arnold must have rubbed you the wrong way, AR. Did he take issue with you on something and not fall into line?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I just find it disingenuous that a person posting on an infidelity forum is lying as to who they are


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> I just find it disingenuous that a person posting on an infidelity forum is lying as to who they are


Must be frustrating. My sympathies.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

i think there should be a 3rd choice, when your wife cheats with a family member..triple wammy.


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