# We Cannot be All Things



## Kilgore Salmon (Apr 12, 2011)

Inspired by another thread where people seemed to be advocating searching a man's emails for no good reason = BS. Marriage does not mean total rights and control over another nor should anyone expect that.

When did marriage become meaning you have to be all things to you spouse like some super hero person? 

Lover
Confidant
Best Friend
Career advisor
Accountant
Dreamer
Traveller
Banker
Therapist

And the list goes on.

We are only human and only have a few years on the planet to begin with. Expecting your spouse to be everything to you and to expect them to not have another life with other human beings is both ridiculous and tragic.

Controlling folks need to get a life, be thankful they have someone they are happy with who is the closest person in the world to them and stop expecting that because you've got a ring that person is supposed to only have a life for you.


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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

Are you meaning having a life with "friends," "Family," or coworkers, or did you mean other love interests. I would have never looked all through my husbands emails except for the "red flags." I in fact was correct, he was cheating and lying, and many other "sordid things" and I am very glad I searched and confirmed my suspicions. There are times in life where it feels "right and necessary." Therapists will tell you that you must be transparent and turn all modes of communication over at any time once you have breached your partners trust. I feel that that is part of the reason my H won't come back. He wants to keep that "secret life" going. There is a difference between privacy, and secrets. Do you agree?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Link the thread please? I need to know if no good reason was in fact very good reason.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

My husband IS NOT all those things, but I wished he was some of them (the basics).

Lover - he is, right now - no, but he is
Confidant - sometimes, depends - if I know he won't support the issue, I don't go there - I'll go there with my BFF or mother
Best Friend - I don't think he is, but I don't think I'm his either - not necessary to be married
Career Advisor - nope - I advised his - I outranked him on active duty and when I retired 
Accountant - nope - I do all the finances, always have and I outearn him too
Dreamer - sure, he has some good ones
Traveller - we're kind of equal on this one
Banker - again nope - see above
Therapist - sure - I tried to bounce some things off of him, sometimes he does have ideas that I can relate to

Why is he still around? Lots of reasons, some hard to explain.

I love him
He makes my heart go pitter-patter
I feel safe when he's around
I couldn't imagine life without him
His touch makes my knees go weak
He's very, very smart (even after the TBI)
There's nothing he can't do or figure out how to do
He's good with money
If the chips are down - you CAN count on him - he's proven it

Guess those are good enough for me.


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I feel like the role of partner encompasses aspects of all of those things. 

Taking on some of those responsibilities is a natural part of marriage, but expecting/demanding professional-quality service is not.


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