# My husband takes everything personally



## GreenBean55

Our one year anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. It's been a fun year and a frustrating year at the same time. I understand every marriage has its ups and downs. 
I'm frustrated with how sensitive and a little childish he can be. A lot of arguments are started that way. I feel like the dominant adult in the relationship and I feel I don't respect him as much because of that. 
A few weeks ago I was invited to go to a friends house for a dinner party. I asked my husband if he would stay home with the baby while I went. He acted like it was such a huge inconvenience. We try to go out together as much as possible but sometime we take turns going out. Whenever he asks to go out I always say yes and I don't complain about it. I encourage him to get out of the house and have some fun. He always complains about it. So I asked him, whenever I go out why can't he just say "Okay have a good time"? Then he usually goes way off topic. He starts acting like a child that got his feelings hurt. He doesn't like my tone and will usually walk off and give me the silent treatment. At this point he has completely forgotten about what I was talking about in the first place and the argument is about him and his feelings. EVERY argument we have always ends up this way. I did some research on dealing with sensitive people and I tried talking to him in a different way but that didn't work either. He said that made him feel like a child. So no matter what tone I use or how I word it he always gets his feelings hurt. It is impossible to resolve any issues when he acts this way. I feel like I have to tip toe around everything and as a result I have a lot of built up anger. I don't know how to communicate with my husband.
There are other times when we have an argument and I start to cry because it's just so frustrating. I feel like giving up. He doesn't comfort me in any way. He still tries to keep the focus on him as much as possible. I have never been in the presence of a man that hasn't comforted me when I cry for whatever reason. 
One last thing is the constant illnesses. He is always complaining about not feeling good or something hurts. I'm not exaggerating when I say he does it everyday. His sinuses hurt, he has a headache, he's sore, his knee hurts (he milked that one for two weeks), his eye hurts. He can't take anything like a man. I really wish he would man up and not be such a sissy.


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## lenzi

If it's this way after a year imagine how it will be after 10.

Not to mention the living HELL years 2 through 9 are going to be.

You married a baby. That's not going to change. Question is, what are you going to do about it?


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## Theseus

GreenBean55 said:


> EVERY argument we have always ends up this way. I did some research on dealing with sensitive people and I tried talking to him in a different way but that didn't work either. He said that made him feel like a child. So no matter what tone I use or how I word it he always gets his feelings hurt. It is impossible to resolve any issues when he acts this way. I feel like I have to tip toe around everything and as a result I have a lot of built up anger. I don't know how to communicate with my husband.


Sounds like a textbook case of a couple that needs marriage counseling. If he refuses to go saying there's nothing wrong with him, then tell him you both need to go so you can both learn how to communicate with each other better. Because that's the truth.

It might also be helpful for him to hear another person's perspective.


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## John Lee

I think he needs IC more than you need MC. He sounds very insecure, and that's something he needs to work on himself. You're right that it's childish to always take everything personally, to always need attention for minor ailments, etc. I can see how that could be frustrating to deal with.

That said, I can see a couple of other things from your post that I question. One is your comment about crying in arguments. It sounds to me a little like you have gotten used to the idea that crying should shift the focus of the argument back to YOU, and you're upset that it isn't working. Even though you may not be fully aware of it, it sounds like crying becomes a tactic for you to get power back in the argument, and you're angry when he doesn't go for it. But he's angry that you're shifting the attention away from him, even if he may be going overboard. That's why he's not comforting you.

Maybe your husband didn't have his needs taken seriously enough as a kid. Or maybe he had his issues blown out of proportion and dramatized. I don't know. But I do wonder if you are failing or refusing to listen to what he says he needs from you. In the OP, you minimize a lot of his concerns. You may be right to do so, they may be unreasonable and excessive. And I only know what I have read in one post. But I also wonder if maybe you aren't hearing him enough, and that maybe you could act toward him like you take his concerns more seriously, even when you don't ultimately agree with them or want to give in to them. 

You have a certain expectation of a man to "man up" and not act like a "sissy," but men do have emotions and needs, and your husband may just wear them a little more on his sleeve than he should. Instead of expecting him to completely stop this, why not meet him halfway -- acknowledge his needs without overindulging them.


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## John Lee

Just to elaborate, you say that whatever "words" or "tone" you use it doesn't seem to help. But what about examining how you feel toward his concerns, instead of just how you superficially react? If you aren't really taking him seriously, yes, he's going to pick up on it no matter what tone or language you choose.

With the party example, why, specifically, did it bother him that you were going? Did he give a reason? Was there something about this particular party? Is it possible there was someone there he didn't want you to see? Is he jealous? Was there something about this particular night that made things inconvenient for him?


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## I'll make tea

To my mind that sounds like he has issues of some kind. Depression or something like this. It just is not normal for a man to cry over arguments all of the time.

Did he have a check-up with the doctor for the pain it? The pain and his tearfulness could be triggered by some medical issue or the pain could be psychosomatic.


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## AVR1962

Look up "passive-aggressive" and see if this fits your husband. Some of what you said seems to sound like he could be PA and if so it will explain alot about his behavior and why you feel the way you do.


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## accept1

You are acting like a mother to him. At least thats the way he sees it. You even say he is acting like a child which in a sense comes to the same thing. 

You have to give him more 'credit'. If you treat him 'better' even though he doesnt deserve it he may start 'growing' up. 

I think you have to change first.


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## CallaLily

Sounds like he may have grown up in a overly critical household when he was a child, and perhaps he lacked attention from his parents. OR maybe was
given to much attention, and the parents gave in at whatever behavior he displayed, and now he feels some entitlement for you to cater to his attention seeking.
Maybe suggest IC for him and you may need some IC as well for how to properly handle certain situations that may arise with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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