# Separated for 1 1/2 months and counting!



## Dave69 (3 mo ago)

First off I would like to say hello to all and anyone going thru what I am I can feel your pain.
August 31st 2022, the day after our 31st anniversary I caught my wife messaging a guy whom she had been in a online relationship 9 years ago. With that being said she told me she was in love with this guy and has never met him. So the pain begins conveniently her uncle had a empty house he was in the process in selling so she immediately moved into it. So for the next few days I tried talking to her and it lead to nowhere. 
The following weekend I get a phone call from her balling her eyes out and asked would I drive to a airport a hour and a half away to pick her up. She said she couldn’t go thru with it and do it to me or the kids. So she is back in the house for a couple of days then wham she is back online again with him. So again she is gone, won’t hardly talk to me unless she needs something and of course the type of guy I am I take care of her. 
I have taken care of this woman and loved her with all of her issues and forgave her for her past affairs. But I am torn up and grieving so bad I don’t know what to do. We have always for the most part had a good relationship and sex life with no money issues. I am lost and already in my mind ready to give up and find a woman that cares and wants to be spoiled until no end like I have her my whole life! On top of that I have never been without sex for this period of time!


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

So she’s cheated before. I think you know what to do. Others will school you here, but she knows she can do whatever she wants and you’ll accept it. This leads to her having zero respect for you. This is a terrible dynamic for your kids to be learning about love and marriage. It’s frustrating and painful to see people tolerate SO much disrespect and disdain from the person that is supposed to love them the most. It’s a tough pill pill to swallow, but not wanting something to be true doesn’t make it so. I guess it’s possible you’re okay with all the drama as long as you’re having regular sex. Could there be any truth to that?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Dave69 said:


> On top of that I have never been without sex for this period of time!


While I am certain that this is true, you should not have mentioned it.
It lessens the serious nature of your sad case.

Some emotions are a given, that emotion is one, taking.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think teacher wife mom is right. She keeps pushing the boundaries because you're not setting firm boundaries. This is certainly the time to do it and you can go by your own rules and not somebody else's if it will make you feel better. 

But you need to sit down and list out your deal breakers and things that you know you shouldn't put up with and then you need to reset that to her and say these are the forever deal breakers and I can't take any more of this so you better take it seriously. 

Very sorry you're going through this. It's so unlikely that her other relationship would work out. But that's beside the point. You have to decide a place to draw the line and be prepared to enforce that. Or she's just going to keep wandering back and forth. 

I mean you can either be conventional about it or not. You can either say we get a divorce and that's it or you can say we get a divorce and we each see what's out there for us but we don't close the door. Of course really that's not fair to anyone else you two would date. What you don't do is sit around waiting for her to make up her mind.


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## Dave69 (3 mo ago)

I am actually tired of trying and giving up it’s just hard. The thought of being with another woman after 31 years scares the hell out of me!


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

This is not to hurt you, but it seems to me that you have 2 clear choices. Number 1 is divorce and build a new life.
Number 2 is continue as you are, sharing her with however many others she chooses to engage with, until she finally leaves and you have to build a new life. It's your choice. She is extremely unlikely to change at this stage of life.


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## Dave69 (3 mo ago)

Anyone here from Arkansas? I need to talk with someone close to home on p.m. this is hard to discuss to much publicly!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Past affairs? You’re a doormat Dave. Find your balls and self respect.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Dave69 said:


> I am actually tired of trying and giving up it’s just hard. The thought of being with another woman after 31 years scares the hell out of me!


You KNOW what to do, you just are too scared to do it (completely understandable!)

So first, block her when she leaves. DO NOT go and help her with ANYTHING -- she wants out, she wants to be single to go bang the other guy -- then she can do that without you as a backup plan.

Forget being with another woman for now -- that is off in the future. You need to heal yourself first. Concentrate on YOU -- work out, pursue hobbies that you gave up, etc.. 
She should now be at the bottom of your priority list.
She is a serial cheater -- that isn't going to be fixed without a BOATLOAD of work on her part (of which YOU have nothing to do with -- it's all on her, and you shouldn't help her in any way) -- even then, will you ever trust her again?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Divorce her. She isn’t going to change. She’s used you for at least 9 years.
Let her be single to use someone else.
That way you can find someone who actually respects you and acts loving within the union - she won’t be that person.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Is there anyway you can contact her AP ?
Is he married ?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Jimi007 said:


> Is there anyway you can contact her AP ?
> Is he married ?


Who cares …. Seriously…. Who cares ?

He isn’t the problem. She is a repeat offender and she will just move on to the next guy. She’s a zlut plain and simple.

Dave you sure know how to eat a chit sandwich with a smile on your face. Can you imagine how pathetic it must look when a man continues to take back his worthless cheating wh0re wife?

You are a complete door mat and she keeps wiping her feet on your face.

In summary: You are a complete gutless fool.

Let me know if that wasn’t clear enough….


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*



I have taken care of this woman and loved her with all of her issues and forgave her for her past affairs.

Click to expand...

*I stopped reading after this nonsense.

OP, doormats are not attractive. Find your dignity.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

When you start respecting yourself, things will change for you.
Study up on and implement the 180.
Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy from Glover.
Learn it, love it, live it.
Get your affairs sorted, lawyer up and have her served, coldly and without remorse.
At that point, you will have "Harshed her buzz," and you will start to get an accurate assessment of what you have to work with.
You know what you want. I'd say to curbside her, but if you want to save your marriage, at least deal from a position of strength.
If the marriage is to be saved, make her do the hard work to do it.
Personal counseling for her to fix whatever malfunctions led up to her behavior.
You state whatever demands are necessary for her to implement to make you feel "Safe" in the marriage. I won't repeat all of them, they are on this site in many places, but everything from total transparency in all facets of her life to a postnup favorable to you.
She has violated your trust and damaged you. If she wants to continue, it is totally incumbent upon her to restore your trust and repair the damage that she has caused.
You are in pain, so you may as well do it right the first time, or things will come back to bite you again down the road.
She made the mess, it is her responsibility to own it, feel and demonstrate remorse, and clean it up.


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## Bremik (Feb 6, 2009)

Sex is a powerful drug especially when you like it with who you are with.

Your wife clearly is using you and you know that but find enough things you like about her to ignore or deal with the bad things including sex. What happens one day if you become very sick or bedridden? How confident are you that she will be there for you? How much time do you spend now verifying things she says or does?

No matter what the future holds you need to get into a group or setting that deals with divorce. If you don’t have others discussing what’s normal feelings and actions you will always revert back to what positive image you have of your unfaithful partner and the strings of sex. This will remain in a cycle until she moves on


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Dave69 said:


> I am actually tired of trying and giving up it’s just hard. The thought of being with another woman after 31 years scares the hell out of me!


The thought of being with a woman that doesn't love or respect you for 1 more day should scare the hell out of you too. Life is short. Don't waste another day on her. Know your worth, heal and one day you will find a good woman. Your current one is far from it.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Dave69 said:


> I have taken care of this woman and loved her with all of her issues and forgave her for her past affairs.


You probably have no idea of the full extent of her actions that you "forgave". Her getting away with that caused her to lose respect for you. There is no way to recover from this. She ended the marriage with her actions, now you just need to follow through with the paperwork. She is a serial cheater.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Dave69 said:


> Anyone here from Arkansas? I need to talk with someone close to home on p.m. this is hard to discuss to much publicly!


TAM does NOT encourage this.


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