# i need some help



## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

ok i have two questions.
first after me and my wife had our son we would have still have sex but when he turned one everything changed. she stopped being sexual and i have to initiate sex all the time now.our son is now two and ive talked to her about it but and she said she knows this and doesnt know why and said she will try and change but she still does it. i thought it was me for a while (i have a high sex drive)and just try to let it happen naturally but that did nothing , we went a whole week without sex at all and then i got feed up and just asked her lol. please help need some advice.

here is my second question ive noticed that when i am a little mean to my wife like telling her to make my food or demanding her to do stuff she gets turned on. i think its weird but wanted to see if their is anyone else out there that has this situation.

ps for the second question i still have to ask her for sex


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Check out the Married Man's Sex Life, based on your second question, she may be receptive to some of the tools discussed there.

With respect to no initiating sex, she may be think of herself as more of a mother than a wife. Is she a SAHM, or does she work? How is your communication otherwise - do you take as adults, or is it all about your son? What kind of spouse things do you do together (versus family things)?


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

yeah she has told me she is in mommy mode all the time now and she does work alot. but i work just as much and there are days im super tierd but i still come home and get turned on by her just by looking at her,i complement her tell her shes sexy meesage her so she can relax but im still the only one asking


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

It's harder for women to come out of mommy mode than it is for men to switch gears. When someone is on your body all the time, drooling, nose running, pooping, crying, it is hard to feel sexy. 
What happened when the child turned one? Did she stop breast feeding, go back to work outside the home or something?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> It's harder for women to come out of mommy mode than it is for men to switch gears. When someone is on your body all the time, drooling, nose running, pooping, crying, it is hard to feel sexy.
> What happened when the child turned one? Did she stop breast feeding, go back to work outside the home or something?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: with this... Children take up ALOT more time and attention then some men may realize. And feeling sexy... just doesn't come easily ... not to mention.. if this is your first kid... she will no doubt be all over that baby as new mothers tend to have anxiety issues when it comes to raising their first child. Here are a few things she may be worrying about.


1. The childs milestones, did he reach them when expected?

2. Fear of making the child feel abandoned and/or unloved if she does not give him constant attention.

3. Of course the feeding, changing, and bathtimes...

4. Unreasonable fears that A., some crazy mofo may come in the home and steal the child, B the child may choke on something he found and die, C. If you have blinds or cords... or anything with strings.. the child may get tangled up and end up hanging themselves or choking to death... 


All these things above may be going through her head if she is a new mother. Of course even with more experienced mothers... they sometimes go through our heads as well but not to the extreme as with a new mother.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

thank you french fry its nice to get another woman perspective seems like you went through what shes going through now.my i talked to her about wat she likes or wants and she says i dont know but i guess i should just be happy that im getting any. i just didnt know wat to think because were both 25 and newly married i thought our sex life would pick up like it use to but i think i have a plan. the shopping thing is what i had in mind so im going to do that plus add you guys advise thanks


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Supermad I have another question. How is your two year old come bedtime? Does he sleep through the night or no?


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

well kinda he wakes up for a diaper change at like 5 in the morning, were both trying really hard to potty train him but he refuses. im a heavy sleeper and my wife has talked to me about sharing the shifts on changing him and i have been getting up and stopped drinking at night because that adds to me sleeping harder


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

supermad30 said:


> yeah she has told me she is in mommy mode all the time now and she does work alot. but i work just as much and there are days im super tierd but i still come home and get turned on by her just by looking at her,i complement her tell her shes sexy meesage her so she can relax but im still the only one asking


The big difference between the two of you is that you did not have your hormones majorly messed up by child birth, nursing, and child bonding.

Does she work outside of the home? 

Once you come home from work, how much help around the house and with your child are you?

How much down time does you wife get?

And how much time a week to the two of you spend doing things, just the two of you alone?


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

and as a side note i use to work alot but got in car accident that fractured my spine so now i stay home and take care of son. i cook i clean and make sure everything it perfect when she comes home all i ask for is a good conversation and some bedroom action every other day.we also just got over her sexting another man on facebook im over it and still love her , she says shes over that but that may have something to do with it


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

When you two have the time and energy... you could try having him go without diapers during the day when your up. Make sure he is wearing pants though.. so if he does have an accident.. it will be quite uncomfortable for him. During this time.. of course you should then show him how to use the potty when he has to go. My own hubby and I are trying this method and so far it's working pretty well. And yeah.. helping tend to the kid will definately take some stress off your wife. My own h changes diapers, helps clean, cook, ect. Tackling something together as a team also helps get it done and over with faster. (Of course caffeine and energy drinks help too... lmao)


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> we also just got over her sexting another man on facebook im over it and still love her , she says shes over that but that may have something to do with it


Possibly.... :/


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ok so your the stay at home parent, she seems aroused when you act more assertively, and she works. Perhaps... since your staying at home... she has somewhat... stopped seeing you as the man in the relationship.. and started seeing you as.. more of a nanny...? I know there are books that people recommend for this sort of thing... just don't remember the names... :/


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The big difference between the two of you is that you did not have your hormones majorly messed up by child birth, nursing, and child bonding.
> 
> Does she work outside of the home?
> 
> ...




she does work outside of home

me and my wife both worked in the morning(i worked at 5am and she worked at 9 ) when i came home from work i pick my son up from my grand mothers and take care of my son until she comes home 

my wife gets one day off and rather i work that day or not i still take her out for a movie to the beach or even to the mall most times she says no its okay or i want our son to go with us. ive sat her down and told her if me and her dont go out she at least needs to, shes really really attached to our son and yes it our first child and she wants more but i say no because hes a handful,the money issue, and for me if im barely getting any now imagine if we have two


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

lol yes they can be a bit expensive... my H and I are about to have our third sometime this month. You could tell her.. instead of no.. you could tell her you would just like to wait a bit until this one is a little older. Oh and trust me... from my experience... the more there are.. the more time the mommy wants away from them. (Doesn't mean mommy doesn't love the babies.. just means mommy wants some mommy time... and that probably consists of mommy and daddy time.)


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Ok so your the stay at home parent, she seems aroused when you act more assertively, and she works. Perhaps... since your staying at home... she has somewhat... stopped seeing you as the man in the relationship.. and started seeing you as.. more of a nanny...? I know there are books that people recommend for this sort of thing... just don't remember the names... :/


yeah i really hate the fact that i cant work now because of accident lawsuit.ive told her that im proud to take care of my family and me being a home parent for the moment sucks because i feel like a nanny and not the man of the house. she says she understands and has no problem taking care of us. i still get an income(no were near wat i use to make)but i put that aside because i love her and want her.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

Gaia said:


> lol yes they can be a bit expensive... my H and I are about to have our third sometime this month. You could tell her.. instead of no.. you could tell her you would just like to wait a bit until this one is a little older. Oh and trust me... from my experience... the more there are.. the more time the mommy wants away from them. (Doesn't mean mommy doesn't love the babies.. just means mommy wants some mommy time... and that probably consists of mommy and daddy time.)


lol yea i told her maybe in about 5 years so we can be ready for another one. i do want more but i really think she wants to try until we have a girl she really really wants a girl, lol she says me and my son have way to much fun with the sports and stuffhttp://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I know plenty of men and women here can probably share what they do to spend time together intimately if they have kids. One thing I do with my own H is... after the kids are in bed and things are all taken care of.. we will both have a drink together to relax. (Of course this always leads to crazy.. intimate things .. because normally i get drunk and.. loosen up.. lmao) Another thing we did .. back when we only had a one bedroom place to stay and had to have the kids in the same room as us... was... when the kids were sleeping.. we snuck out to H's truck and had a quickie... lmao. It was raining that night too.. lmao.


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## JuliaP (Mar 21, 2011)

supermad30 said:


> ok i have two questions.
> 
> here is my second question ive noticed that when i am a little mean to my wife like telling her to make my food or demanding her to do stuff she gets turned on. i think its weird but wanted to see if their is anyone else out there that has this situation.
> 
> ps for the second question i still have to ask her for sex


ooo... sounds like you've stumbled upon a kink! Maybe explore that route? Maybe she is so cashed from 'mommy mode' she needs something a little extra naughty, ilke sex slave, to get her going... who knows! I'd explore and have fun.:smthumbup:


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

yea after i put my son to bed i have a drink to relax and i ask her to join me lol we she does we usually end up getting it on but she really particular with what she likes, but i asked her about the car thing to spice things up she said hell no at first but i keep asking and seems like shes warming up to it


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

JuliaP said:


> ooo... sounds like you've stumbled upon a kink! Maybe explore that route? Maybe she is so cashed from 'mommy mode' she needs something a little extra naughty, ilke sex slave, to get her going... who knows! I'd explore and have fun.:smthumbup:


lol i thought about it but i dnt want get to crazy and then she gets mad but after today i think im gonna just go for it and see how she responds if that doesn't work oh well at least i tried


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> we went a whole week without sex at all and then i got feed up and just asked her lol.


A whole week? and then you had to actually ask for it? :scratchhead:


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

yep, had to get her in the mood and ask if i feel on her she kinda smacks my hands and say not right now even when my son is asleep same thing


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> yep, had to get her in the mood and ask if i feel on her she kinda smacks my hands and say not right now even when my son is asleep same thing


I do that with my H sometimes as well.. but ya know what he does? Five mins later he gropes again lmao... if i weren't pregnant.. I'd definately succumb to his advances but as it is right now.. if i were too.. i would probably go into labor.. lmao. There are a few things you possibly could try with your wife as well as a few books you could read.. either with her or without her. How often have you ... made these advances? Are you always at home? Do you ever go out and do anything such as... going out with friends or anything?


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

well im home all day because of my back issue, and her friends never get back to her when shes available to hang out. so what i have tried to do is have us hang with my friends and some of their girl friends but they hang out with me to get away from their girlfriends. so when we do get a chance i try to make it just me and her but soo attached to our son and she always trys to bring him along and if he doesnt come she says i wish LaRell(our son) was hear , i miss him etc. 
at least shes a good mom lol

oh yeah we do it like 2 times a week usually before her day off, maybe i just have to high of a sex drive


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Naw... nothing wrong with being HD and desiring your partner more. It will take some time for her to get over that.. seperation anxiety when it comes to your son but eventually she will. How was she when she was pregnant? Did her drive increase or decrease? Do you two use protection? Is she on BC? There may also be a possibility of her being pregnant again if you two haven't used protection.. and that could be attributing to it.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Either way.. she is going to need to make a bit more of an effort on her part to get over her anxiety when it comes to your son and make an effort to spend some time with just you and her. Perhaps you two should try out the.. 5 languages of love quiz (it's free) and read the book later on when you can. Another would be.. umm his needs/ her needs... and ... ugh i always have a hard time remembering but if you look over this site you will see plenty of helpful suggestions and information that could help lol. Sorry to hear about your back problems.. she may also be afraid being intimate might make it worse for you.


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Naw... nothing wrong with being HD and desiring your partner more. It will take some time for her to get over that.. seperation anxiety when it comes to your son but eventually she will. How was she when she was pregnant? Did her drive increase or decrease? Do you two use protection? Is she on BC? There may also be a possibility of her being pregnant again if you two haven't used protection.. and that could be attributing to it.


when she was pregnant she kinda wore me out :smthumbup:lol but after he turned one then thats when this started to alot slower in the bedroom. and you can say the added stress with my brother living with us at the time but he moved out early last year. she gets the bc shot every couple of months and were very careful about when she needs another one


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## supermad30 (May 12, 2012)

i will take your advise about the quiz gaia and im new to the site soo im gonna take a look around and see what i can find to help thanks


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

supermad30 said:


> i will take your advise about the quiz gaia and im new to the site soo im gonna take a look around and see what i can find to help thanks


np and your welcome.


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