# yours mine ours accounts



## holsch (Nov 23, 2016)

After years of financial struggles ( or maybe it was financial carelessness) I'm at my wit's end. To somewhat protect myself and kids I had my husband set up his own checking, I ser up mine, and we have a joint acct. The household bills arr paid thru the jpint acct as well as family expenses ( groceries, pet expenses, kids $). He has a percentage he transfers evwry week and I once a month ( only pd monthly). This has lessened my stress as I was worrying about frivolous expenses and had to be rhe bad guy all the time. Well that was in June when he opened his account aand its gone to sh## since. He has a motorcycle payment, bike insurance, student loan, etc that he pays after joont bills but he has not made any payemtbs since July. These were all set up on autopay and he cancelled it whrm he couldnt budget. The motocycle loan is cosigbed by me and his medical bill I can be responsible for. I make 1/2 of his pay after taxes and cant afford to pay on his debt as well as mine( I have a small cc and student loan) any advice is well received
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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Sell the motorcycle. He cannot afford it. Plus you have young kids. Does he want them to be fatherless?

Do you have life insurance on him?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Oh, and read Dave Ramsey


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Agree with selling the motorcycle.


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## holsch (Nov 23, 2016)

Actually..i did our bills on a spreadsheet and he had money to pay all of his..just didn't..yes to life insurance
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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

holsch said:


> Actually..i did our bills on a spreadsheet and he had money to pay all of his..just didn't..yes to life insurance
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




So why did he cancel autopay? Then he sells it because he is not responsible enough to own one that YOU consigned.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

He might legitimately not know how to budget, or at least fully understand it. Since you have good skill in that, sit down with him, teach him how to do it and devise a plan. Write it all out, put it in a calendar, and encourage him to get anything he can out back on auto pay. 

If he is unwilling to do this, or continues to not make payments, let him know you will be selling anything that has your name on the loan because you are not going to ruin your credit because he is lazy bookkeeper.


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## holsch (Nov 23, 2016)

Thanks to those who replied..hes horrible at following through with things (projects, plans, etc). I didn't think of it as our debt for bike til now. That would be a fair way to go about it. I have yours mine ours spreadsheet with dates due amt on it and have shown him what is left after he pays all his bills too, and if you just spend this set amt weekly he'll be fine. His reason for taking off autopay was because he overspent and didn't have enough to cover the payment.😠 I just want him to adult for once and not put the weight of finances on me. When we pooled all our money before he tried to convince me to cancel autopay on some bills so we'd pay later but I stuck to my guns. (Late fees duh)
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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Can he work more hours and make more money?


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## holsch (Nov 23, 2016)

He's talked about getting a second job ..a different jplace he'll talk about every month..but he takes no action..at his ft job overtime is not optional..unless tjey have more demand
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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

holsch said:


> He's talked about getting a second job ..a different jplace he'll talk about every month..but he takes no action..at his ft job overtime is not optional..unless tjey have more demand
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Well, if he wants to spend more money he has to make more. 

Worse case is all the money gets direct deposit into your account. You pay all the bills. He ONLY gets access to his account to which you transfer the money he can spend on other things.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

holsch said:


> Thanks to those who replied..hes horrible at following through with things (projects, plans, etc). I didn't think of it as our debt for bike til now. That would be a fair way to go about it. I have yours mine ours spreadsheet with dates due amt on it and have shown him what is left after he pays all his bills too, and if you just spend this set amt weekly he'll be fine. His reason for taking off autopay was because he overspent and didn't have enough to cover the payment.😠 I just want him to adult for once and not put the weight of finances on me. When we pooled all our money before he tried to convince me to cancel autopay on some bills so we'd pay later but I stuck to my guns. (Late fees d kouh)
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What you want and what you have are different things. Unless you take legal action to separate yourself from exposure, you will be best served by treating him the way he acts- like a child.

All his earnings go into the joint account and he is not permitted to touch any of it. You give him a set, weekly cash allowance and you pay all the bills. He does not get a credit/debit card and is not permitted to open any kind of credit account. You should subscribe to a credit monitoring service to make sure this man-child does not do so behind your back.

Perhaps he will decide to be an adult, but I wouldn't bet on it. If you don't protect yourself, he could very easily put you into bankruptcy court. He will most definitely continue to undermine your efforts to be financially secure if you don't take action. More income will only raise the stakes. He has a spending problem. You don't cure that with more money any more than you cure meth addiction with more meth.

Not what you want to hear, I'm sure. Sorry, but unless HE sees it as a problem it will never get better.
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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

zookeeper said:


> What you want and what you have are different things. Unless you take legal action to separate yourself from exposure, you will be best served by treating him the way he acts- like a child.
> 
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> ...




This post ^^. is really your only viable option unless he grows up. 

If he blows your credit and you decide to separate or divorce, you might have trouble even renting a house or apartment. Or leasing a car. You will pay higher rates for car insurance. Basically, you will be screwed. 

This is major stuff - couples divorce all the time over money.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

OP: Read up on "joint and severable" debt sometime. It's a very sobering legal concept and can really highlight why you can't take this lightly. It's much, much more than an annoyance.
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## holsch (Nov 23, 2016)

I feel like I'd be giving in if I took over the bills. That's how it was before. Id pay bills, tell him how much was left hed argue and say that won't work and break the budget and I'd have to find a way to juggle bills to make it work. Not again! My credit might tank but if the bike is repoed he will have a consequence for his actions.
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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Pay off your credit card. And pay more than the minimum on your student loan. We need to get YOU out if debt.


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## holsch (Nov 23, 2016)

Update, he did pay thr bike payment I found. He is however not making paykents on his cc medical bill or bike insurance . ****. Is this grounds ti kick his butt out?
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Get the book "Smart Couples Finish Rich". Get him to read it. You read it too. Then restructure your finances that way.

Each of you get an equal share of anything left over AFTER all bills are paid.

You need to get his credit report on a regular basis to make sure that he does not get a credit card that he runs up. Often people who operate as he does will do just this. And you would be responsible for it as much as he is.


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## holsch (Nov 23, 2016)

Why is it so important for me to get out of debt, not him?


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