# Viagra didn't cure my neurological Impotence.



## quartz (Jun 13, 2010)

Hi

I am 45 years old & have been married for 25 years. My paralysis has been progressively getting worse over the last twenty years. In the last few years I became totally impotent which has been the cause of much frustration. My wife & I had a very passionate relationship in terms of sex & foreplay. Even when I was in dire pain I still managed to satisfy my wife completely. 

I was given some medication by my doctor to help acheive an erection. This gave me a semi erection but not the ability to climax or ejaculate. My wife won't engage in any foreplay with me at all. There's no intimacy what so ever. She is only willing to sleep with me if I can penetrate her as before. Needless to say that our relationship has turned quite sour. I have offered to masturbate her or use sex toys such as a dildo but she feels that her body has become rigid.

My neurological condition has now removed any sensation from the sex too , in the sense that when I was able to temporarily able to enter her , it didn't feel at all satisfying for me. I would love to use my fingers and oral but she is rejecting all that.

Any advice from any of the forum members will be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Speaking as one type of doctor here (chiropractor), your question should be totally punted to a healthcare professional, not a forum - your family doctor who willlook at it comprehensively (physical and the relationship aspect and make a referral) or your neurologist.

This is way beyond the scope of the forum on how you as a couple and as an individual should cope with this health problem.

I am sorry you have this problem and I wish you well.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Open up the other three quarters of your brain, Scannerguard. The man isn't asking for medical advice. He's hoping someone has suggestions to help him convince his wife to allow him to please her in other ways.

I'm sorry, quartz, it seems you have tried anything I would think to suggest, except to maybe try another doctor. No doubt you have placed your faith and trust in this doctor for many years, but it is very possible a different doctor has more knowledge of your neurological condition. He might be aware of more medications for you to try that will be more successful in helping you maintain an erection. There may even be a good c*cktail he can prescribe. Another suggestion is to seek out the most prominent neurologists and email them with your problem. That way, you get a general consensus and hopefully one or two that can help.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

You said you were in dire pain, but you don't say what the underlying medical condition is.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> Open up the other three quarters of your brain, Scannerguard.


Susan2010,

What's your problem? 

You cry foul for me telling this problem needs punting to a healthcare professional, sex therapist, whatever and then right after you scold and insult me, you proceed to tell him to see a healthcare professional?

Honey, is that you? The caustic comments are eerie. Are we married? Cause I don't need to ask for directions. I can find my way just fine, dear, if you could just be quiet and look out the window.

I want us to help him but there are some things a public forum shouldn't try to diagnose from a relationship standpoint and a physical standpoint because these two issues are so intertwined, it's impossible to untangle them here and give any general insight, in my opinion.

And you apparently agreed with me.

BTW, I am fine with a second opinion. I think that's appropriate. Try a young doc. . .you want your doctors young and your lawyers old. They need to both go to the doctor as a couple and open up.

Unless, Susan2010, you have experience being intimate with a man who suffers from neurological impotence and paralysis. . .in that case. . .the floor is all yours.

Would you care to share?


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## quartz (Jun 13, 2010)

Thank you to Susan and Scanner for their input on this topic. 

Your comments have been appreciated.

Any further comments will be more than welcome since there's no harm in discussing life's challenges.

Thank you.


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## quartz (Jun 13, 2010)

Star said:


> I really feel for you, as you seem very willing to please your wife but to no avail, have you spoken to her about that you being able to still give her pleasure (whether through oral or the use of toys) still gives you pleasure? ok things may have changed for you in terms of your ability to have sex ect but there is still satisfaction to be had from giving pleasure to a partner?
> 
> 
> Me personally, I think that oral sex is far more of an intimate act than actual intercourse and I think that if she could be open to tying to re-connect with you, that you could get your intimacy back.
> ...


Thank you Star for your reply. 

My wife seems to have distanced herself from me emotionally in terms of intimacy. Foreplay and non-penetrive sex is not a new issue for us since we engaged in all that prior to my impotence.
The confusing scenario is that she hasn't left me but at the same time she won't share a bed with me. She tends to needs in terms of cooking and cleaning etc. She has become more short tempered over the last few years. She will not open up with anyone regarding the intimacy issue,even her closest friends have tried to discuss it but she just changes the subject.

My own thoughts on this are that over time and due to circumstances we have become two different people with a huge rift between us. Many couples may have a rift but this is usually outweighed by the physical intimacy but since our physical side has ceased I feel that that the emotional intimacy has declined as a result.

We have been toghether for 25 years and I know that the physical intimacy plays a huge role in her life. I even went to the extent of asking her to have close contact with a male friend in order to satisfy her physically,but she declined.

I am desperately attempting to salvage what remains of this relationship,whether I succeeed or not is difficult to say.

Do you think that I am wrong or unreasonable in wanting this?

Thank you.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sorry you are having problems. Since you are under a doctor's care for chronic health problems, I'm sure you are probably taking medications. Some medications cause ED. Talk to your pharmacist.


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## quartz (Jun 13, 2010)

827Aug said:


> Sorry you are having problems. Since you are under a doctor's care for chronic health problems, I'm sure you are probably taking medications. Some medications cause ED. Talk to your pharmacist.


Thank you for your reply. I am not on any medication since there is none available to cure my condition. The impotence is the direct result of the neuro disorder.

Thank you for writing.


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## elhi13 (Apr 28, 2010)

Kudos to you, Quartz...for your continous efforts to continue to satisfy your wife...disregard the debbie downers...

Continue to talk to your wife to see what else can be done to help her in the bedroom. Unfortunately, I can understand what your wife is feeling but I can totally understand your efforts and concern. My problem is that my husband doesn't even make an attempt and would be gladly happy to have him be attentive as you are to your wife.

Have you thought about sex therapy or perhaps watching a soft porn movie together in order to have the feelings going???

Well good luck...keep trying and always feel good about yourself


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## quartz (Jun 13, 2010)

elhi13 said:


> Kudos to you, Quartz...for your continous efforts to continue to satisfy your wife...disregard the debbie downers...
> 
> Continue to talk to your wife to see what else can be done to help her in the bedroom. Unfortunately, I can understand what your wife is feeling but I can totally understand your efforts and concern. My problem is that my husband doesn't even make an attempt and would be gladly happy to have him be attentive as you are to your wife.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for your reply.

I found it particularly interesting when you say "I can understand what your wife is feeling"......... Could you please elaborate on this since it will be helpful to get a female angle in this situation.

We used to love watching porn together but now if I put it on , she walks away. She won't agree to see any therapist at the moment either.

Any comments from members from this forum will be highly appreciated since I'm totally lost.

Thank you.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

That's what's so hard about this IMO.

You have a great deal of neurological pain. . .you have a physical-based ED. . .okay. . .that complicates matters.

Throw into the mix you are a normal married guy and she is a normal married gal and it could all just be a "normal" relationship problem you are having and nothing to do with what you first posted.

I mean, you are entitled to the all the who-ha we all go through so welcome to the club on that.. 

In other words, it could be "vanilla relationship problems." Not that vanilla ain't serious - it can be. She sounds distant and uninvolved and resigned, like you are wanting your wife back from younger days. A lot of us guys have been there and back. . .some never to return.

Good luck.


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## CaliRN (Jan 2, 2010)

Penile Implant? Seen them In the operating room. I would totally get one if medication didn't work for me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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