# My over persistence to get vibrators into the bedroom



## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

*Vibrators and other failing fantasies with wife*

I have been married for 16 years and we have a very nice marriage. We have sex about once a week. I have always felt my wife is a bit old fashioned when it comes to bedroom experiments. I am HD and she is a LD for sure, but she pretty much has almost always agreed to quickies anytime I want or at minimum a handjob or footjob (she has amazing feet, should have been a foot model. Plus I love feet. Its a great bonus because I don't bug her about BJs)

Anyways though, there has been at least 3 or 4 times I have tried to bring something extra into the bedroom. I have bough g-spot dildos, small vibrators, and other things. She absolutely hates dildos inside her, because she says they just never feel like the real thing. They are so "mechanical". I did stuff a vibrator inside her and she said she didn't like it the last time we tried one. It was not super-powered but it did vibrate. She always says that she prefers my penis to anything else. And she loves it when I use my finger inside her with the "come here" motion. I can give her many multiple orgasms when I do this.

So why do I have this need to constantly slide something in and out of her? I just want to see her get off while I watch or something. But she says she just does not masturbate and has never masturbated ever, since we married, all 16 years, not once.

Maybe I watch so much porn that I have started to fantasize about her getting nailed by a guy. I know this sounds sick but I have to be totally honest. I have taken some photos of her face that we have on the computer and Photoshopped her face on porn pics of women getting screwed. I have gotten quite good at this, and masturbating to this is a big turn on. It is almost like the jealousy is a turn on. 

Obviously she would never go for a threesome, that would almost devastate her if I ever asked it. But again these feelings are there, I want to see her get off from a distance, whether it be watching her masturbate, photoshopping her face to porn or watching a guy bang her. 

I just recently purchased a Hitachi Magic Wand. She actually agreed to it because we have some aches and pains but she is no dummy. I mentioned we can give each other massages in the bedroom with it and she said yes. So I am planning on a nice evening with a candlelight, soft music, red wine, and I will give her a full body massage and maybe, just maybe, the magic wand will slowly get close to her clit.

What do I do? Has my porn addiction (and yes, it is an addiction. Two hours a night, every night, while she is at work) screwed things up?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It's funny but I just spoke of this book in another thread. It's called Orgasms for two by Betty Dodson. Besides being pro masturbation she is also pro sex toys. She gives a lot of tips in her book how to incorporate a vibrator into partnered sex. She's particularly a fan of the Hitachi Magic Wand. You may want to take a look at her book or website to get some ideas..not to mention it might be a revelation for your wife to read the book.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

darkrat said:


> what do i do? Has my porn addiction (and yes, it is an addiction. Two hours a night, every night, while she is at work) screwed things up?


incoming !!


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

Here is her latest response word for word in an email to my ideas of using the Hitachi Magic Wand on her and maybe watching each other masturbate:

_I think that you need to find a way to come to the realization that I don’t want to incorporate toys in any way. I get absolutely nothing from them and if anything they completely turn me off. I don’t even understand why anyone ever came up with the sex toys thing to start with as if the real thing isn’t good enough? What did the poor people do back in “ancient” times haha 

Masturbating in front of you is also one of those things that just doesn’t do it for me. I have no desire to do that and although it is your big fantasy it would just end in disaster. It would be fake and uncomfortable._


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

darkrat said:


> Here is her latest response word for word in an email to my ideas of using the Hitachi Magic Wand on her and maybe watching each other masturbate:
> 
> _I think that you need to find a way to come to the realization that I don’t want to incorporate toys in any way. I get absolutely nothing from them and if anything they completely turn me off. I don’t even understand why anyone ever came up with the sex toys thing to start with as if the real thing isn’t good enough? What did the poor people do back in “ancient” times haha
> 
> Masturbating in front of you is also one of those things that just doesn’t do it for me. I have no desire to do that and although it is your big fantasy it would just end in disaster. It would be fake and uncomfortable._


Did you marry my wife? (I stole that)
I feel your pain. That is a long hard road buddy. I've been down it 20 years and have not reached the end. I hope the good wives here can help you out....I'm following.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Get over it! If you keep pushing you'll end up with even less. And get help for your porn problem


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

KanDo said:


> Get over it! If you keep pushing you'll end up with even less. And get help for your porn problem


Easier said than done regarding the porn. I swear the past two weeks i am jerking off twice a day. Even without porn.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

KanDo said:


> Get over it! If you keep pushing you'll end up with even less. And get help for your porn problem


+1 on this... By continuing to push her on something that she's clearly said is something she doesn't want, you risk turning her off even more. You're venturing into dark and dangerous waters, my friend.

C


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

Well it is clear my high sex drive is out of control.
Every time I Google high sex drive and porn I get links to how watching porn lowered someones sex drive.

Can watching porn all the time increase your sex drive?


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

PBear said:


> +1 on this... By continuing to push her on something that she's clearly said is something she doesn't want, you risk turning her off even more. You're venturing into dark and dangerous waters, my friend.
> 
> C


Yes, the last thing I want to do is push her away. Okay, that door is closed for good. I really appreciate the advice and warnings..


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

KanDo said:


> Get over it! If you keep pushing you'll end up with even less. And get help for your porn problem


The irony is if his wife would open up sexually he might not want the porn for that outlet.

Sorry OP, settle for what you've got because it ain't gonna change.


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

tacoma said:


> The irony is if his wife would open up sexually he might not want the porn for that outlet.
> 
> Sorry OP, settle for what you've got because it ain't gonna change.


Exactly. A lot of my fantasies are because of porn, and if I do these fantasies with her, I will watch less porn. But she does not know that I watch porn as often as I do. 

I have to stop the porn, that might be the main issue.


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

I mean, I am lucky I got her to go along with my fetish. She lets me take pictures of her feet, she lets me lube them up, lets me unload on them, lets me make videos of footjobs with her etc. She is not some old fashioned wife..

Look at these beauties. Some guys would love to have feet like this whenever they wanted them...


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

They are both symptoms.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Dude...you are crossing the line here by posting pictures of your wife's feet, since you fetishize them. This is not a site for us to get each other all horny. C'mon.


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

MrBrains said:


> They are both symptoms.


Can you clarify a bit? You mean both porn and my need to do more things with her are symptoms? Symptoms of what exactly? I know you are Mr Brains here but enlighten us and spell it out for dumb idiots like me.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Dude, it is not right to post these pictures of your wife's feet. I'm pretty sure you know this but did it anyway. C'mon!!


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Dude...you are crossing the line here by posting pictures of your wife's feet, since you fetishize them. This is not a site for us to get each other all horny. C'mon.


I am sorry but I am not "horny" right now.

This thread and talking to all of you is a big awakening for me. Part of it is appreciating what I have. Maybe I want the world to see that I am lucky for what I have, or I want someone to compliment her feet, who knows? But this is therapy for me. It is helping me understand that I should not be pushing her away and be lucky for what I have.

You guys are helping me see that. 

This is a potential breakthrough here.


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

Why is it not right? Did I miss something? This is not a pornographic pic. 

I dont think any of you "get" why I did this.

Aren't we helping each other, or is it only help on YOUR terms...?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"Maybe I want the world to see that I am lucky for what I have..."


Yeah we get that. The problem is that they are YOUR WIFE'S feet, not YOURS. 

Did she give you permission for this? Especially here, at a CLEAN, non-porno marriage discussion website?

Sir, you have crossed a line and it is gross.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

darkrat said:


> Can you clarify a bit? You mean both porn and my need to do more things with her are symptoms? Symptoms of what exactly? I know you are Mr Brains here but enlighten us and spell it out for dumb idiots like me.


Your porn addiction and her lack of desire to toy play with you. It's not just you. There are deep rooted things here on both sides. Stopping porn is not going to make your wife start to want to toy play. I would stop the porn mostly. How is she about other sex acts and things?


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

I will delete the pic of my wifes feet and we can move back on track, but I did not break ANY website rules:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/2117-forum-rules-please-read-first.html


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> "Maybe I want the world to see that I am lucky for what I have..."
> 
> 
> Yeah we get that. The problem is that they are YOUR WIFE'S feet, not YOURS.
> ...


I LOL'd


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

darkrat said:


> Why is it not right? Did I miss something? This is not a pornographic pic.
> 
> I dont think any of you "get" why I did this.
> 
> Aren't we helping each other, or is it only help on YOUR terms...?


Read the Forum Rules post, and reconsider the pics. They don't bother me one way or the other, but if you get banned or the posts get removed, don't be surprised. They don't help with describing your problem or aid people in giving you a solution any more than someone posting pictures of their wife's knockers and saying "Look at these! Can anyone tell me why she won't let me play with them all the time?". 

C


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> "Maybe I want the world to see that I am lucky for what I have..."
> 
> 
> Yeah we get that. The problem is that they are YOUR WIFE'S feet, not YOURS.
> ...


Gross? Now I get it. You dont like feet. You dont like what I did because feet are not your thing, which has NOTHING to do with forum rules. You should not have said "gross" because that gave away your real motive...

And now you play the saint and say this site is CLEAN? We are talking about shoving dildos into vaginas and a picture of someones feet is suddenly dirty?

My goodness...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

darkrat....did your wife give you permission to put up pics of her feet all lubed up on top of plastic sheets?

Yes or no.

If no, then you have violated her trust.

How can you not understand this?

Look - I have a very experimental and freaky sex life with my husband and we are madly in love.

But if he posted sexual pics of any part of my body, anywhere, without my permission, that would be the end of the trust that makes our freaky sex life possible.

How can this not be coming through clear to you?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

PS...I love feet so don't try to make it something it isn't.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Hammer toes...


OMG LOL. I'm still laughing. These nurses are wondering what's up.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

BTW, look at the "Sex In Marriage" guidelines...
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/2459-sex-section-rules-please-read-first.html

"Limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice."

C


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

*Re: Vibrators and other failing fantasies with wife*



darkrat said:


> I just want to see her get off while I watch or something.
> 
> Maybe I watch so much porn that I have started to fantasize about her getting nailed by a guy.
> 
> ...


Your problem has nothing to do with vibrators, so quit focusing on that.

You're headed down a dark path.

"She would never go for a threesome," but I'd bet money you'll someday push for one anyway. Ask some of the people on this board who have gone down that path (yes, there are some). It rarely works out for the husband the way he things; usually the wife ends up bonding with the OM in the threesome and dumping her cuckold husband.

So yes, your porn addiction is about to ruin your life.


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> darkrat....did your wife give you permission to put up pics of her feet all lubed up on top of plastic sheets?
> 
> Yes or no.
> 
> ...


You never explained that. When you first said it is not right, I thought you meant I violated the forum's rules.

I disagree with it being wrong to post them here, sorry. I just do. If I posted a picture of her privates that is one thing but these feet are seen in PUBLIC at anytime especially during the summer. They are not covered up, they don't give away who she is either. I just disagree.


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

MrBrains said:


> OMG LOL. I'm still laughing. These nurses are wondering what's up.


You are laughing because you have decided you don't like me. So anything making fun of me or against me you "like" that post or laugh. People are easy to figure out.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

darkrat said:


> Here is her latest response word for word in an email to my ideas of using the Hitachi Magic Wand on her and maybe watching each other masturbate:
> 
> _I think that you need to find a way to come to the realization that I don’t want to incorporate toys in any way. I get absolutely nothing from them and if anything they completely turn me off. I don’t even understand why anyone ever came up with the sex toys thing to start with as if the real thing isn’t good enough? What did the poor people do back in “ancient” times haha
> 
> Masturbating in front of you is also one of those things that just doesn’t do it for me. I have no desire to do that and although it is your big fantasy it would just end in disaster. It would be fake and uncomfortable._


Reading this, I have no idea what drove you to porn.

Sorry buddy, I feel for ya. But as most will tell you, she isnt going to change and its wrong for you to expect her to change and not be a giant sexual stick in the mud. Be glad you get your once a week boring a$$ sex I guess.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

If you want to get her to try toys in the bedroom there is a way to do it. Porn is not helping.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

darkrat said:


> You are laughing because you have decided you don't like me. So anything making fun of me or against me you "like" that post or laugh. People are easy to figure out.


I laughed because it caught me completely blindsided that's all. No do you always make more out of things that may look bad about you? Even if they are not personal? Ok it's time to bring up MMSL. You need to read it. BTW I thought they were beautiful.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"I disagree with it being wrong to post them here, sorry."


Oh yeah? How about if you ask YOUR WIFE if she agrees or not. DUDE...wake up! They are HER feet covered in lube on a plastic sheet. They are NOT YOUR FEET.

Good luck.


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

MrBrains said:


> I laughed because it caught me completely blindsided that's all. No do you always make more out of things that may look bad about you? Even if they are not personal? Ok it's time to bring up MMSL. You need to read it. BTW I thought they were beautiful.


You laughed because Plan 9 made fum of my wife's feet. When he clearly knows nothing of what real hammer toes looks like:


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

darkrat said:


> You never explained that. When you first said it is not right, I thought you meant I violated the forum's rules.
> 
> I disagree with it being wrong to post them here, sorry. I just do. If I posted a picture of her privates that is one thing but these feet are seen in PUBLIC at anytime especially during the summer. They are not covered up, they don't give away who she is either. I just disagree.


Dude! Learn to pick your fights.

This one isn't worth fighting over. Delete the picks, quit arguing the point, and get back on topic.

Otherwise you're going to hijack your own thread and turn it into a thread about the board rules. Did you come here to get help or discuss the board rules?


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> "I disagree with it being wrong to post them here, sorry."
> 
> 
> Oh yeah? How about if you ask YOUR WIFE if she agrees or not. DUDE...wake up! They are HER feet covered in lube on a plastic sheet. They are NOT YOUR FEET.
> ...


I took that pic down first because yes I admit it was wrong. Way to use that one as an example to make your point however. The other pics are good, and one of them has a nice red sheet behind it. 

She does not care if the pics are public, we almost started a pay website before.

Any more judgements??


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

Blue Firefly said:


> Dude! Learn to pick your fights.
> 
> This one isn't worth fighting over. Delete the picks, quit arguing the point, and get back on topic.
> 
> Otherwise you're going to hijack your own thread and turn it into a thread about the board rules. Did you come here to get help or discuss the board rules?


Umm the irony here is that I deleted the pics quite a while ago and YOU are keeping the argument alive...

In fact a few posts up I mentioned that I wanted to get back on topic.

Oh the irony...


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

darkrat said:


> You laughed because Plan 9 made fum of my wife's feet. When he clearly knows nothing of what real hammer toes looks like:
> 
> ]


I told you why I did. That's that. Do you do this nit picking with your wife?


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

MrBrains said:


> I told you why I did. That's that. Do you do this nit picking with your wife?


Its okay, it just looked like I was being ganged up on by the forum "regulars".


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

You have a few choices here:

1.) Learn to appreciate what you have. Many wives won't do what yours does. There are guys on here who would give their left n*t to have a wife who gives them footjobs, and lets them spooge on her feet. 

2.) Get off the porn. Your wife doesn't like it, and it isn't doing you any favors, either.

3.) Stop jerking off so much. Ask your wife if she would watch you while you do it, or perhaps she would be willing to kiss you or rub your chest while you do it. Much better than solo, IMHO.

4.) Talk to her about your desires, don't send texts or emails. If she isn't responsive to your desires/needs, insist that the two of you go to marriage counseling and/or sex therapy (ideally a practitioner who is certified in both areas) to work out your differences. If she won't do that, I think you need to be prepared to walk out to get your point across.

Good luck!


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Seriously man, your posts are giving me a clue about your marriage dynamic. I think you have a lot of other issues going on here aside from vibrators and dildos. Before you should even bother with toys, why don't you try to get your sex life back on track. While 1/wk may sound great to some on here, to me it's pretty low. You should work on upping your weekly sex frequency to 2, 3 or even 4 times a week.
> 
> So the big question becomes: How do you do that? And the natural thoughts SHOULD soon gravitate towards "what am I not doing or what am I doing to cause my wife to only want to have sex with me 1 day a week". Then we can try to help you out a lot more effectively.


I started a new thread about me gaining weight and how maybe that and me getting kicked out of the bedroom for snoring might have something to do with it.

I am trying to take ownership now.


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

keeper63 said:


> You have a few choices here:
> 
> 1.) Learn to appreciate what you have. Many wives won't do what yours does. There are guys on here who would give their left n*t to have a wife who gives them footjobs, and lets them spooge on her feet.
> 
> ...


I made a list and when you look at this, I am quite lucky. Imagine what would happen if I lost some weight and started sleeping in the same bed with her?

She swallows. A LOT of women don't swallow.

She is almost always available for a "quickie" in the bedroom except if you are exhausted or out of it. Some men don't get ANYTHING at all for months.

She is 100% behind me when it comes to my foot fetish. She has never made fun of it or anything like that. She lets me take pictures, give footjobs and has never said its weird or anything like that.

She is open to most devices which enhance NATURAL sex like the doggie style swing, ankle cuffs, etc 

She agreed to a rewards list for weight loss goals and sex rewards, which is pretty amazing. In other words, every time I lose 20 pounds, she will wear an "outfit" for me to screw her in.

I am lucky, my god, what am I doing?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"I am lucky, my god, what am I doing?"


Thank you for saying this. It helps to know that you can see the obvious when you really look at it.

Please also put in your list that you are currently a porn addict by your own admission and your wife doesn't know it.

You need to get a grip on that (as in, stop the porn) OR let her in on your private sex life, too. Then you can share everything. Until you actually can share everything, you will not achieve the full on intimacy you are hoping for.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

darkrat said:


> I made a list and when you look at this, I am quite lucky. Imagine what would happen if I lost some weight and started sleeping in the same bed with her?
> 
> She swallows. A LOT of women don't swallow.
> 
> ...


If she's available for a quickie pretty much any time you ask, why are you only have sex once a week? Are you too busy with your porn to take advantage of the quickie? In which case, your porn is having real effects on your "real" sex life.

C


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

PBear said:


> If she's available for a quickie pretty much any time you ask, why are you only have sex once a week? Are you too busy with your porn to take advantage of the quickie? In which case, your porn is having real effects on your "real" sex life.C


Because I work during the day and she works at night. She gets home at 10pm and we have kids. Our schedules are slightly off. By the time she gets home and makes her late dinner I am ready for bed because I need to get up at 6am. So on the weekends we have our sex but its hard when the kids are awake.

You see, she is a bit loud when we have sex, and I usually have to tell her to keep it down when the kids are home. With a 14 and 10 year old, it is not as easy as you think to quietly bang in our bedroom when they are walking around the house. They also go to bed later than they should I think.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Have you noticed that nobody has defended the OP's admitted addiction to porn?

That's where most of us who refuse to condemn it outright draw the line. Here, it's clearly interfering with the relationship. There's a difference.


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## darkrat (May 13, 2013)

jaharthur said:


> Have you noticed that nobody has defended the OP's admitted addiction to porn?
> 
> That's where most of us who refuse to condemn it outright draw the line. Here, it's clearly interfering with the relationship. There's a difference.


And your point is?

I mean at least I admitted I was addicted and i know it can't possibly be good otherwise I would not have mentioned it...

Besides, I don't want anyone "defending" my porn use, I know it;s a bad habit lol


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

darkrat said:


> And your point is?
> 
> I mean at least I admitted I was addicted and i know it can't possibly be good otherwise I would not have mentioned it...
> 
> Besides, I don't want anyone "defending" my porn use, I know it;s a bad habit lol


My comment was not aimed at you, but at the ongoing dispute here about whether porn is ever OK.

You earned respect by conceding you have an addiction issue and, I assume, wanting to address it.

Sorry for the confusion.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

darkrat said:


> Because I work during the day and she works at night. She gets home at 10pm and we have kids. Our schedules are slightly off. By the time she gets home and makes her late dinner I am ready for bed because I need to get up at 6am. So on the weekends we have our sex but its hard when the kids are awake.


"makes her late dinner"? Is there some reason you don't have a plate made up for her that she can just warm up? Quickies are called "quickies" for a reason. Take about 15 minutes (if that), then warm her food up while she gets cleaned up, etc. afterward... How is that not plausible?



darkrat said:


> You see, she is a bit loud when we have sex, and I usually have to tell her to keep it down when the kids are home. With a 14 and 10 year old, it is not as easy as you think to quietly bang in our bedroom when they are walking around the house. They also go to bed later than they should I think.


Not as easy as we think? Are you kidding me?

*MEMBERS OF TAM! Show of hands... HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR CHILDREN AWAKE AND WALKING AROUND IN THE HOUSE?* 

We do. We have sex during the day, at night, any time of day. We have a 12 year old, 6 year old and almost 5 year old. I'm not quiet either. I guarantee...you give them their own activities to do during "mom and dad time"... they won't pay any attention to what's going on in your bedroom.

If you want sex with your wife, you need to make time for it. That's the only way it'll happen.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I see a lot of talk about what YOU want and what YOU need but no talk of what you do for your wife that she wants. But I suppose that's how it is in porn, men do all the taking and the women exist for that purpose. Healthy men can separate this from real life, you can't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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