# Self Preservation or Making Family Happy



## endlessgrief

Some of you know my story. I grew up with a very verbally abusive father, we were not allowed to show emotion, walked on eggshells. My mother the door mat never did anything to save us kids from dad's tyraids. I spent YEARS in therapy.

Years later, my mother came around and admitted she was wrong for not protecting us from my father. She is still married to him and continues to shelter him and make excuses for him.

My sister was my other half. We bonded over a common enemy and were closer than two people can be. Recently, my father came into some money and started spending it on us kids WHETHER WE WANTED THE STUFF OR NOT. My father would ship me HIS favorite treats and then I would get an email from my mother to "call my father." My sister and I made my mother sign a contract that she would stop sticking up for our father and have a great relationship with us girls. Everything was great. 

Since the money, my whole family have turned Norman Rockwell. I have been ill and depressed for about a year and stopped attending family outtings because my family watches my body language and my facial expressions to be sure I "behave." I AM 44 for God's sake.

They are fed up with me. They are sick of me not coming to family stuff even though they know why and it was always okay before. They are changing the rules on me. My mother, father, brother, and sister have stopped speaking to me. They are sick of me and my anxiety disorder, etc. I am not guessing here, they told me this. 

They post nasty stuff about me on Facebook. I have always dreamed to be out of that family and now I am. I am happy about it, HOWEVER, my mother is having a hysterectomy Friday and do not want to go to the hosptial. I do not want to walk into the lions den of a family that has had it with me (they used to understand me before, don't know what changed). 

Some of you may say "but she's your mother, you must be there for her." Do I really? And I don't believe that crap "you better go see your mother, what if something happens to her? You will never forgive yourself." That's not the way it works. 

So, if my family is angry at me (including my mother) and makes fun of me and ignores me, do I go to the hosptial to wait in the waiting room with my screwy family? Every part of me screams NOOOOOOO! 

I would appreciate your opinions and questions because I am lost here. The price is too high to get back in with those people. And I just can't pay it. 

Thanks in advance friends! <<<smooches>>>


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## nomoretogive

endlessgrief said:


> Some of you know my story. I grew up with a very verbally abusive father, we were not allowed to show emotion, walked on eggshells. My mother the door mat never did anything to save us kids from dad's tyraids. I spent YEARS in therapy.
> 
> Years later, my mother came around and admitted she was wrong for not protecting us from my father. She is still married to him and continues to shelter him and make excuses for him.
> 
> My sister was my other half. We bonded over a common enemy and were closer than two people can be. Recently, my father came into some money and started spending it on us kids WHETHER WE WANTED THE STUFF OR NOT. My father would ship me HIS favorite treats and then I would get an email from my mother to "call my father." My sister and I made my mother sign a contract that she would stop sticking up for our father and have a great relationship with us girls. Everything was great.
> 
> Since the money, my whole family have turned Norman Rockwell. I have been ill and depressed for about a year and stopped attending family outtings because my family watches my body language and my facial expressions to be sure I "behave." I AM 44 for God's sake.
> 
> They are fed up with me. They are sick of me not coming to family stuff even though they know why and it was always okay before. They are changing the rules on me. My mother, father, brother, and sister have stopped speaking to me. They are sick of me and my anxiety disorder, etc. I am not guessing here, they told me this.
> 
> They post nasty stuff about me on Facebook. I have always dreamed to be out of that family and now I am. I am happy about it, HOWEVER, my mother is having a hysterectomy Friday and do not want to go to the hosptial. I do not want to walk into the lions den of a family that has had it with me (they used to understand me before, don't know what changed).
> 
> Some of you may say "but she's your mother, you must be there for her." Do I really? And I don't believe that crap "you better go see your mother, what if something happens to her? You will never forgive yourself." That's not the way it works.
> 
> So, if my family is angry at me (including my mother) and makes fun of me and ignores me, do I go to the hosptial to wait in the waiting room with my screwy family? Every part of me screams NOOOOOOO!
> 
> I would appreciate your opinions and questions because I am lost here. The price is too high to get back in with those people. And I just can't pay it.
> 
> Thanks in advance friends! <<<smooches>>>


having read your posts, your situation reminds me of my own in some ways. My mom is textbook narcissist and I always feel like poking my eye out around my fan because they enable her BS. She had surgery not long ago and I felt the same way you feel. I ended up deciding not to go. I figured she was in good hands with her surgeon and if something went wrong I would be called. It was a decision made only in the interest of saving my sanity. I did call and check on her, but did not subject myself to hours of misery in the waiting room. I think you have to do what feels right to YOU and not because you feel obligated. Toxic families are something else, huh?!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## endlessgrief

nomoretogive said:


> having read your posts, your situation reminds me of my own in some ways. My mom is textbook narcissist and I always feel like poking my eye out around my fan because they enable her BS. She had surgery not long ago and I felt the same way you feel. I ended up deciding not to go. I figured she was in good hands with her surgeon and if something went wrong I would be called. It was a decision made only in the interest of saving my sanity. I did call and check on her, but did not subject myself to hours of misery in the waiting room. I think you have to do what feels right to YOU and not because you feel obligated. Toxic families are something else, huh?!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, a kindred soul. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me out. I was raised to beilive that my father's feelings came first, my mom treated him like a king, I hated it. I never imagined I would be going through it well into my 40's.

You are so right. The only reason I was considering going to the hospital OUT OF OBLIGATION. My whole life has been out of obligation. Raised on GUILT TRIPS. In reality, I am behaving just like my father. He NEVER went to family affairs, hosptials, he couldn't be bothered. But it was okay for him. I do it and I am Satan. But the thought of sitting in the waiting room with people who are supposed to love me and FAKING my demeanor (can't have a family row in a waiting roomj) literally makes me sick to my stomach. 

They are all gonna hate me more, you realize this. I guess now our feelings are mutual. Thanks to therapy, I think they have realized that they can no longer manipulate me. So they stopped contacting me, which is strange because I usually get 3or more calls a day from them. Since I put my foot down? NOT ONE PHONE CALL, EMAIL, NOTHING SINCE DECEMBER. I should be sad. Oh, it feels so gooooooood!!!

My father HATES his mother for the same reasons I hate him, but he doesn't see it. When my grandfather died, who was the best person I have ever met, my dad got to the hospital too late and my grandpa had already passed. My grandmother turns on my father and says in a sad/guilt trip way, "he waited for you, he called out for you, AND YOU WEREN'T HERE" My father still brings that up and how much he hates that she made him feel guilty. God forbid something happens to my mom, YOU KNOW I am going to hear similar. Dumb azz doesn't have ANY self-reflection skills.


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## nomoretogive

endlessgrief said:


> Wow, a kindred soul. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me out. I was raised to beilive tihat my father's feelings came first, my mom treated him like a king, I hated it. I never imagined I would be going through it well into my 40's.
> 
> You are so right. The only reason I was considering going to the hospital OUT OF OBLIGATION. My whole life has been out of obligation. Raised on GUILT TRIPS. In reality, I am behaving just like my father. He NEVER went to family affairs, hosptials, he couldn't be bothered. But it was okay for him. I do it and I am Satan. But the thought of sitting in the waiting room with people who are supposed to love me and FAKING my demeanor (can't have a family row in a waiting roomj) literally makes me sick to my stomach.
> 
> They are all gonna hate me more, you realize this. I guess now our feelings are mutual. Thanks to therapy, I think they have realized that they can no longer manipulate me. So they stopped contacting me, which is strange because I usually get 3or more calls a day from them. Since I put my foot down? NOT ONE PHONE CALL, EMAIL, NOTHING SINCE DECEMBER. I should be sad. Oh, it feels so gooooooood!!!
> 
> My father HATES his mother for the same reasons I hate him, but he doesn't see it. When my grandfather died, who was the best person I have ever met, my dad got to the hospital too late and my grandpa had already passed. My grandmother turns on my father and says in a sad/guilt trip way, "he waited for you, he called out for you, AND YOU WEREN'T HERE" My father still brings that up and how much he hates that she made him feel guilty. God forbid something happens to my mom, YOU KNOW I am going to hear similar. Dumb azz doesn't have ANY self-reflection skills.


Getting ready for bed so will be brief now and back tomorrow, but had to comment about one thing. YES you will probably hear about it plenty if u decide not to go so just make sure u are prepared for that. I still hear about it from time to time, how I wouldn't even visit her in the hospital, I must not love her enough. The last time I said really, kind of like u didn't come to my graduation....does that mean I should assume u don't love me either? Even with the snide remarks from all of them, even today, I don't regret the decision I made. I have to look out for me...because they just drive me to the brink of insanity. So think it through. If going isn't worth the personal price opt out. Families like these will suck the life out of you, like you know. It is our job to protect ourselves and avoid it as much as we can good luck!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## endlessgrief

Great advice! I think I am NOT going to go because like your screen name says, NO MORE TO GIVE. And yes, I am prepared for the back lash and the tears. 

I get the "brink of insanity" thing with my family. I can never wait to get away from them. Man, I wish things were different. Wish in one hand and sh!t in the other, see which gets filled first right? 

But I won't sh!t in my hand because that is NOT sexy and very unsanitary 

Good night dear, thank you very much for helping me.


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## heartsbeating

Above all, trust yourself. 
You'll know what is the right thing to do ...for you.


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## endlessgrief

Turns out that I had the date wrong. My mother's surgery was on Thursday and I thought it was today. I didn't know this until my husband went on Facebook last night and saw that my sister posted something about my mom getting through the operation and all is well. This post was not to ME, it was to her minions. My sister has minions, can you believe that? 

I called my sister, she didn't answer, and I left a scathing voicemail. My sister is 12 years younger than me, she used to be so fun, she was one of my favorite people on earth. Now that she is 33, she is turning into my father and becoming more unlikable and quite mean as the years tick by. 

And Dean, I have written many many letters to my sister and my mother regarding what my problem is and trying to find a solution. In one letter I told my mother that if she continued to back up my father (whom she hates by the way, I think she has Stockholm syndrome, many many years of abuse) our relationship would have to change. She wrote back, "SO BE IT." It was then I started to back away from the family. 

I swear, I envy the Addams Family AND I could use some Calgon at this moment.


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## Mavash.

I haven't spoken to my abusive parents in 13 years. 

So you know my answer.


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## Bobby5000

I have no doubt your father was difficult, but do note many people are dysfunctional in way or another. Take our presidents, you have Kennedy who had multiple affairs and traded women with his brother, Clinton with a number of affairs too, Nixon, suspicious and perhaps paranoid, and Reagan preaching family and American values, while maintaining little relationship with his own family. Some degree of disfunctionality may be the average and you have to try to get over it. Some suggestions. 

1. Don't let your parent's views dictate how you feel. At some point, you get over seeking your parents' approval and validation. You find your way in life and do the things you think are important. You see mom at a party, and she says, Jenny are you gaining a little weight and how little Bobby isn't playing Little League. Mom, it's always great to see my straight-talking mom, you look great, and I'm doing fine too. Let's change subjects, what do you think of the new store in the mall. Go to the family things you like and don't get caught up in the ones you don't. 

Pat Conroy wrote a nice book called "My Losing Season" discussing what he learned with a losing basketball team. He had a nasty, dominating father, and Conroy wrote a book lambasting the man. Guess what, that both forgave, at least learned to deal with the other, the dad could get past public humiliation and the son his father's traditional military ways. 

2. Be less-self-centered. 

Much of your post is about you, how you feel, think, etc. Try to start looking at other perspectives. Take a minute, ask a sister, how are you feeling, and try to understand them. They may have anxieties, stresses in their lives, problems with spouses jobs, finances kids, etc. 







f;770271]Some of you know my story. I grew up with a very verbally abusive father, we were not allowed to show emotion, walked on eggshells. My mother the door mat never did anything to save us kids from dad's tyraids. I spent YEARS in therapy.

Years later, my mother came around and admitted she was wrong for not protecting us from my father. She is still married to him and continues to shelter him and make excuses for him.

My sister was my other half. We bonded over a common enemy and were closer than two people can be. Recently, my father came into some money and started spending it on us kids WHETHER WE WANTED THE STUFF OR NOT. My father would ship me HIS favorite treats and then I would get an email from my mother to "call my father." My sister and I made my mother sign a contract that she would stop sticking up for our father and have a great relationship with us girls. Everything was great. 

Since the money, my whole family have turned Norman Rockwell. I have been ill and depressed for about a year and stopped attending family outtings because my family watches my body language and my facial expressions to be sure I "behave." I AM 44 for God's sake.

They are fed up with me. They are sick of me not coming to family stuff even though they know why and it was always okay before. They are changing the rules on me. My mother, father, brother, and sister have stopped speaking to me. They are sick of me and my anxiety disorder, etc. I am not guessing here, they told me this. 

They post nasty stuff about me on Facebook. I have always dreamed to be out of that family and now I am. I am happy about it, HOWEVER, my mother is having a hysterectomy Friday and do not want to go to the hosptial. I do not want to walk into the lions den of a family that has had it with me (they used to understand me before, don't know what changed). 

Some of you may say "but she's your mother, you must be there for her." Do I really? And I don't believe that crap "you better go see your mother, what if something happens to her? You will never forgive yourself." That's not the way it works. 

So, if my family is angry at me (including my mother) and makes fun of me and ignores me, do I go to the hosptial to wait in the waiting room with my screwy family? Every part of me screams NOOOOOOO! 

I would appreciate your opinions and questions because I am lost here. The price is too high to get back in with those people. And I just can't pay it. 

Thanks in advance friends! <<<smooches>>>[/QUOTE]


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## endlessgrief

*Dean* said:


> I would back away too and stop communicating.
> 
> Be careful leaving voice mails like that.
> Your sister will think she is winning and will relay that to your mom and dad.
> 
> Better to limit all communications. If it was me, I would just send a xmas & Bday card.
> Saying nothing about my personal life.
> Just Happy B day, love xxxx
> 
> Raise above all of it and show them how to be a better person and be positive.
> I know it's hard, my family has issues with my different brothers.


Dean, you are so right. Leaving that voicemail felt so good at the time because no one EVER yells at my sister because she reacts by going into a temper tantrum, so no one confronts her. Though she does view this as "I'm winning" so I will back off.


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## endlessgrief

Bobby5000 said:


> 2. Be less-self-centered.
> 
> Much of your post is about you, how you feel, think, etc. Try to start looking at other perspectives. Take a minute, ask a sister, how are you feeling, and try to understand them. They may have anxieties, stresses in their lives, problems with spouses jobs, finances kids, etc.


It's interesting that you picked up on the ME ME ME rant. There is a HUGE reason why I have become self-centered. When I was a child, my father's feelings came first, I had to swallow mine. 

My sister's boyfriend shot himself in the head in front of her a few years back. Everything was about her and her feelings for a very long time. But I hung in there and was there for her through it all. 

My mother hates her job and her life, so when we talk, it is usually about that subject. I listen and try to cheer her up and try not to complain about my life because she is a worrier and I don't want to add to her woes.

My dad ONLY talks about himself, same stories over and over and over. I hate talking with him.

I am NOT saying I am not at fault here. But for the first time in YEARS, I am being self-centered and focusing on my problems and life.

Basically, I brought this sh!t storm on myself for tellilng my sister and mother my problems so they worry. That ends NOW.


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## endlessgrief

Mavash. said:


> I haven't spoken to my abusive parents in 13 years.
> 
> So you know my answer.


Mavish, I do not know your story. Could you give us the crib notes version? I am very interested in why you do not speak to your parents and how you got away.

Thanks!!!!


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## Phenix70

I can feel your pain, my family is pretty dysfunctional & my In Laws are off the damn chart with their insanity. 
I’m of the mind that just because you’re biologically related to someone, that doesn’t give them the right to treat you like dirt. 
I’ve had to put my own mental health over trying to deal with my family & I refuse to participate in anything that will make me uncomfortable just to keep the status quo.
Besides, why would I want to make myself anxious just to make someone else happy?
That’s some seriously screwed up logic right there. 
Sure I’ve rocked the boat many times & don’t speak to some family members but you know what, I’m happier now because of it.
Life is TOO DAMN SHORT & I for one refuse to let anyone try to get me involved in things I care not to be involved in. 
I’ve told them how I feel, it’s THEIR problem, not mine that they have issues with me not wanting to be a willing participant in their craziness. 

Side note: I barely tolerate my In Laws because of the way they treated my husband & it makes me feel extremely protective of him because of the sh*tty things they have done to him over the years.
Yet they are such self absorbed people, they are completely clueless as to why their son barely calls or visits. 
They are almost intolerable


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## endlessgrief

Pheonix70, what you wrote makes so much sense. COMMON SENSE. But when it comes to family, it seems common sense goes out the window. Also, personally I would NOT want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me. Why do our families get mad when we don't want to be with them? You can't make someone love you and forcing the issue is a dead end. Why don't they get that?

You know what I am told all the time? "what if your mother died, how would you feel then" or "the last time I saw my father, we got in a fight and I never got to say I'm sorry." I do not believe in regret. If my mother dies or doesn't die, it has nothing to do with me. I refuse to live a JUST IN CASE life.

I think my biggest hurdle is allowing myself to mourn my lost relationship with my sister. She is not the fun little girl I used to laugh with. She grew up to be a bitter and mean woman yet I kept hoping she would change. She's 33, I must accept that is who she is and stop having expectations. 

Spoke with my mother today, she called when my father left the house. She can never call me if he is there because he always talks to her or interrupts when she is on the phone. It's very rude, he will not let my mother be alone even in the house. She is doing fine, there is some pain as expected. One thing I noticed at the end of our conversation was my mother said "well, drop by if you want, I love you." It was nice not to be pushed for a change. Don't worry, my expectations are VERY LOW.

Can you share some specific examples of you and your husband's family nightmares? This thread is not just for me, I want to hear other's stories as well. Let's all vent shall we?


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## Phenix70

You’re so right, you can’t live in a Just in Case Life, quite frankly that’s just too much pressure.
We are only responsible for our own actions & if the people in our lives cannot respect that, then there’s really not much more you can do except live your life as truthfully as possible.

Let’s see, I’ve got lots of stories about my family & my In Laws. 
I’ll share with you what my MIL & FIL did to my husband that is the reason why I barely tolerate them.
Over 15 years ago, when my husband was around 20, he was living at his mom’s, one night be brought some beer into the house & asked her if he could put it in the fridge.
Mind you, his mom had bought him beer before & had never had any issues with him drinking.
But for whatever reason she lost her freaking mind & flipped the fcuk out.
She screamed at him, told him to get the beer out of her house & then threw him out on the street while she continued to scream at him.
My husband stayed the night at a friend’s house & then ended up homeless because he had nowhere to go & not enough money to get his own place.
He did work a few jobs to get enough money to get a small apt in a condemned building.
He reached out to other family members for help but it was too late, as you see his mom had already gone running to everyone & told them she kicked him out because he was a drug addict & she “just couldn’t take it any more!”
BS, my husband may have been guilty of underage drinking, but he sure as hell wasn’t a drug addict.
His mom to this day believes the lies she told because if you tell a lie long enough, eventually it becomes YOUR truth.
My husband has told his family his side of the story but for some odd reason they believe his mom, even though everyone knows she tends to become hysterical at the drop of a hat.

My husband is now very successful, he put himself through college & is an officer in the Army.
All his parents do is try to take credit for his accomplishments & take every opportunity to say “we’re so happy that you’ve come so far.”
Are you fcuking kidding me?
It’s been 15 years, just stop already, he was never a loser, no matter how much you tried to paint him that way in order to ease YOUR guilt. 

My husband was homeless for over a year, the ONLY person who helped him was his step-mom, she gave him the money to get from TX to OR.
He got there by Thanksgiving & even though he went to dinner with them, afterward his father didn’t offer to let him stay with them that night or even give him money for a hotel room. 
Sad side story, his dad cheated on his mom, they divorced, he remarried another woman later on, then at his father’s funereal, he reunited with my MIL, who by the way pined away for him all those years.
They had an affair of their own & my FLl divorced his 2nd wife, then remarried my MIL.
My FIL is a cruel, selfish, mean spirited man who likes to treat his wife like a maid, my MIL is a self absorbed, push over who caters to a man who not only cheated on her, but never came home after going away on a business trip & THAT’S how she found out he wanted a divorce. 
Can you say extremely screwed up MIL & FIL?


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## endlessgrief

As I was reading your story, I was chanting JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! 

There are some real pieces of work out there in humanity. Being raised by complete idiots, my biggest fear was becoming an idiot to I did a lot of work to have self-reflection. Then I was in therapy for 5 years, LOTS OF SELF REFLECTION. Just being aware of how you act is easy but not many people do it. They behave horribly and do not see it. How can they not see it? If I do something horrible, I know it. 

As for liars, oh I know how liars think. They really do believe their own crap! Have you ever confronted a liar on something that you was 100 percent false? They go apesh!t. It's a defense mechanism, similar to that of the dung beetle. You get near the truth, and they fart all over you until you go away :rofl: I am picturing my sister's head on a dung beetle body, I just cracked myself up.


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## Phenix70

OMG, my In Laws would so fit in on Jerry!
Even my FIL's own siblings thought my MIL was out of her mind for not only having an affair with him, but taking him back & marrying him.
Can you say Dysfunctional?

I swear, if it wasn't for my years of therapy, I have absolutely no idea where I would be today.
Therapy saved my life from turning out as screwed up as my own parents.
My mom stayed with my step-dad, who was a serial cheater for years & only finally left him afer he got another woman PG.
I watched her waste her life on him & vowed that would never be me.
No wonder I waited so long to get married, I just didn't want the hassle of being married to someone who would not fully commit.

With my own time in therapy, it too has brought out my own self awareness, which in turn has helped me get through the BS people try to parade around as truth.
It's like, damn, if you used half that energy just being honest, your life wouldn't be so f'ed up. 

Keep picturing your sister that way, maybe even picture another family member as the dung.


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## Mavash.

The short version is I grew a backbone, began to set healthy boundaries (with the help of a trusted therapist) and within 9 months both of my parents had disowned me. Seems they only liked me when I gave them their narcissistic supply. Cut that out and I was of no more use to them. Best thing that ever happened to me.


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## endlessgrief

Therapy is a wonderful thing. My first visit, my shrink asked me how my childhood was. I answered, "my childhood was great!" And I really believed it was!!!! I was brainwashed or something. As I got deeper into myself and my past, I was forced to face the fact that my childhood was like being in a war. Walking on eggshells, extreme verbal abuse, not being allowed to express my feelings and emotions. I cried that day in therapy. I had to mourn the childhood I built up in my head because it was never real. That was tough, but it helped me so much. As I started to change, my family HATED that I was in therapy. 

I mentioned this is another thread, but it's something worth sharing. Each family has their own dance and each family member has their own individual steps to that dance that never ever change. If you dance the steps laid out by the family, all is well. When I started to change my dance steps, my family went on red alert doing everything they could like threatening me, yelling at me, putting me down, just to get me back in step, so to speak. I threw off the family dynamic.

I still dance to my own tune, my family hates me for it and for once, I don't care.


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## endlessgrief

Mavish, I would love to hear more about your story. How did you get your family to disown you? My family refuses to give up on me and I hate it. 

You posted to someone else about joined a Yahoo group called ADULT CHILDREN OF NARCASSITIC PARENTS and I joined right away. Still waiting my approval. You are right, NO ONE knows what it's like unless you lived it.


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## FirstYearDown

Try to focus on what brings you happiness and how to move on.

Constantly rehashing the past keeps you stuck there. Therapy is very healthy, but we must not define ourselves by child abuse. Besides being an "adult child of narcissistic parents", what other ways do you define yourself?

As an adult, you alone have control over how your life turns out.
You deserve better than having to bear the burden of your past if your family was toxic. 

I had an abusive mother and enabling dad. For years, I was filled with anger and hatred against them. I came to realize that all my bitterness was poisoning my soul. I accepted that my parents were blindly repeating the cycle of the same abuse they received growing up. I don't make excuses for them, but I forgive my parents as ignorant people who knew nothing about how to raise children. 

You are not ready to forgive them, but it could be useful to think about how the bitterness is affecting the new life you are trying to live. I am 30 years old...I did NOT want to end up 50 or 60 still upset about my childhood. That would be a waste of my life.


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## endlessgrief

To my brethren, my mother wrote me another guilt ridden email. Notice how she keeps score of what people do for her. Also, notice how she mentions my depression can't be that bad and that even though my H is depressed he takes care of his mother. This woman KNOWS how I feel about my father and even used to agree. Now, I am the awful daughter. Notice the total lack of understanding how I am doing? It's always about them. I do not want to fight. You can't reason with idiots. I wrote back:"sorry you feel that way."

Enjoy the letter, any comments you have are welcome because I am totally screwed in the brain regarding this matter:

Where have you been????? You told me you were going to come see me last weekend. It's been almost 2 weeks since my surgery and other than the day I called you about the flowers, I haven't even heard from you. I thought you would at least call to see how I'm doing. I know you're OK because I see you bantering with Ray on FB about some actress in a blonde wig. I will admit I'm disappointed that you haven't made an effort for me during this time. Even Diana has come by without Steve asking if there is anything she can do for me and she's not my daughter. Jamie has been bringing me some meals and went to the store for me, Steve calls me all the time to see how I am, but nothing from you. Dad tells me he keeps trying to call you, but you won't answer or return calls. He keeps telling Jamie how much he misses his girl. I can understand to a degree depression, but Ray is in it deeper than you are and he takes care of his mother. I don't know what to say anymore.


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## heartsbeating

My humble opinion? ...she has expressed herself. Maybe you need to clearly express yourself in return. It doesn't need to be nasty. It can be concise and without accepting the blame and guilt she is trying to put on you. It could even come down to telling her you need some distance for yourself right now (if that's the case).


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