# Wife with porn!



## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Hi all.
I hope you can help me out a little!
My wife and I just had our second child 8 weeks ago.
Obviously our sex life hasn't been much in the last few months which obviously im cool with.
Before the pregnancy I found it was always me chasing her for sex - it was never her coming onto me, but I sort of got over it.
When we had sex it was fantastic for both of us - dont go down the route she was faking because - well, no way.

She once went through my laptop history and found I'd had a little look at porn but that must have been years ago now.

Now I have found adult DVD's hidden which she has bought during the pregnancy and after. 
It makes me feel quite rubbish. 
I dont know if its going to be part of a fun sex game or its just for her! I've known about it for a few months now and she's said nothing about them.
I've just been away for a long weekend. I came back and found that one had been taken out of the plastic wrapping - so I assume she's been watching it!
Not sure what to do?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

First you should watch it privately to see what she's into. Then in a non accusing way gently cue up the video to watch together one night and invite her to join you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> First you should watch it privately to see what she's into. Then in a non accusing way gently cue up the video to watch together one night and invite her to join you
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


These are the titles, with my thoughts next to it:

Another 10 hard porn films. _I think whatever._
No holes barred. _I think whatever._
Black and white shag 2. umm, we're both white??
shagging 9. white and black again
Group bang. Quite worrying as its 4 guys on 1 girl
4 split roasts. Quite worrying obviously
Swing club gang bang. Im not too happy
Yet another 10 hard porn films I think whatever
5 double penetration films This one p**ses me off a little
Tripple banging. I dont really care as its 1 guys, 2 girls


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ah, kind f extreme stuff. Yeah you should be worried. Forget the cue up. You need to talk with her in a non threatening way about what her fantasies are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

yeah, those are not the kind of DVDs that come to mind when I think of a W who wants to watch some porn... (thinking much, much less hardcore than that).

Hormonally she has gone through a ton of changes, so there may be some underlying physiological reasons for her curiosity, however to me it seems her fantasies/interests involve multiple partners and being subjugated as a sex object. Knowing this now is probably very useful to you as she has some unfulfilled desires and you can probably make some changes to your approach that may find irresistable - try being a little more assertive, less talking more taking, don't be afraid of roughing her up a little but make sure your changes are subtle so they don't make her question anything... try blindfolding her, tying her hands with stalkings or something. To me it would seem like a good opportunity to work on some new positions


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Since its only been 8 weeks since the baby was born, maybe she has been taking care of business her self. Its supposed to be about what, at least 6 weeks before intercourse can resume after having a baby? Maybe shes had them for awhile and just now getting around to using them? This is just a guess though. Tell her you came across them and just ask and see what she says.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Ok, so she bought all of this without opening the first one and now has opened one of them. That seems odd to me.

I could see her buying one or two and them viewing them before she bought the others. Your email suggestes that she waited until you were gone for a weekend before opening the first one.

So any reason to not believe she watched this alone? Any chance someone else bought these for her?

No expert here but is seems a tad odd she would buy these during her pregnancy, save them up and while you are gone open only one. 

I'll play along with the riddle. Which one did she open?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Ahhh its the flip side of things now, with the woman watching porn. Interesting to see if the responses would be the same for a man as a woman. 

Anyway, like others have said, you need to casually mention this to her and see what she has to say. Maybe her hormones are still out of whack and her fantasies have been amplified. Looks lie she would be telling you about them though, unless maybe shes embarrassed.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> So any reason to not believe she watched this alone?


I hate to say it, but this was my first thought when I read the thread too. And the fact some of theses videos were about multiple people having sex too. :scratchhead:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ha, she has fantasies of group sex with multiple men

IT'S A FANTASY

you didn't mind the 2 women to one guy tape, and yet you wouldn't pressure your wife to have a threesome with another woman


now, the problem is that she chastised you for porn and has some for herself now
the hypocrisy is the issue imo


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Jamison said:


> Since its only been 8 weeks since the baby was born, maybe she has been taking care of business her self. Its supposed to be about what, at least 6 weeks before intercourse can resume after having a baby? Maybe shes had them for awhile and just now getting around to using them? This is just a guess though. Tell her you came across them and just ask and see what she says.


Yeah, six weeks until intercourse. 
She's had them a few months. A couple was un-wrapped but over the weekend that I have been away - one more has been opened. Not sure what one!
Where she was hiding them - there is no way "i came across them" lol. I dont care - if she has a go saying I shouldn't have been snooping around, id be like - whatever, dont change the subject!


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Ok, so she bought all of this without opening the first one and now has opened one of them. That seems odd to me.
> 
> I could see her buying one or two and them viewing them before she bought the others. Your email suggestes that she waited until you were gone for a weekend before opening the first one.
> 
> ...


When I first found them most had the wrappers missing. I dont know if they came like that or not, but over the weekend one wrapper has been taken off. I dont know which one!

I would hope that as we haven't had sex - she wouldn't be messing around with anyone else. I've been waiting until she's ready. I understand that giving birth cant be the most relaxing thing in the world. I know she bought them herself as the packaging is still with the dvds, with her name and address on there.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ldees said:


> When I first found them most had the wrappers missing. I dont know if they came like that or not, but over the weekend one wrapper has been taken off. I dont know which one!
> 
> I would hope that as we haven't had sex - she wouldn't be messing around with anyone else. I've been waiting until she's ready. I understand that giving birth cant be the most relaxing thing in the world. I know she bought them herself as the packaging is still with the dvds, with her name and address on there.


So a story shift. There was one opened while you were gone .... ok. Then there were three open and now most of them had wrappers missing. Ok.

Which ones are still wrapped then and I can do the math.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> Ahhh its the flip side of things now, with the woman watching porn. Interesting to see if the responses would be the same for a man as a woman.
> 
> Anyway, like others have said, you need to casually mention this to her and see what she has to say. Maybe her hormones are still out of whack and her fantasies have been amplified. Looks lie she would be telling you about them though, unless maybe shes embarrassed.


I just dont know! 
She may be embarrassed but she know's that really - it would turn me on. 
Self-confessed, I have a high sex drive and wouldn't mind watching porn with her. We've done it before - her idea. She openly admitted having porn when we got together. She said her ex didnt really want to be with her sexually so she found otherways to please herself! Im thinking now - is this something similar? Although, no matter how tired, ill, busy, whatever - I never turn it down!


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

AgentD said:


> I hate to say it, but this was my first thought when I read the thread too. And the fact some of theses videos were about multiple people having sex too. :scratchhead:


I hope not!!


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> ha, she has fantasies of group sex with multiple men
> 
> IT'S A FANTASY
> 
> ...


The *ONE* video of 1 guy, 2 girls! Check out the others!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I'm quick to jump to infidelity but I really don't see wife having porn meaning she is sleeping around with multiple men.

You really should talk to her about this and bring out in the open and share fantasies


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ldees said:


> The *ONE* video of 1 guy, 2 girls! Check out the others!!


you missed my point

Im saying that you have no problem with the 2 girl one guy tape because it's a common male fanatasy and a fantasy you likely have. And even if you do have this fantasy and would like watching pornos with it doesn't mean you would go out and have threesomes with women. The same goes for your wife who likes to imagine being fed by mulitple men


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> So a story shift. There was one opened while you were gone .... ok. Then there were three open and now most of them had wrappers missing. Ok.
> 
> Which ones are still wrapped then and I can do the math.


Sorry, I'll clarify:

When I first found them, most wrappers where missing.
Probably 3-4 remained wrapped.

Over the weekend, one has been removed. Im not sure what ones remains. 
W has just come home so I'll check later which ones remain wrapped.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I don`t know why you have to "do" anything.

Ask her what`s up with the porn.

Could be she`s hiding them because she`s embarrassed.

She`s also extremely hormonal so there`s no telling why she has them unless you ask.

My wife was a raging nympho during and immediately after her pregnancy.
After was tough for her because she was under orders not to have sex for 6-8 weeks.
For those 5 weeks(as far as she made it) I serviced her orally and manually daily.

Maybe she`s horny and realizes she can`t have sex with you so she`s going another route.

Ask her.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I'm quick to jump to infidelity but I really don't see wife having porn meaning she is sleeping around with multiple men.
> 
> You really should talk to her about this and bring out in the open and share fantasies


Why are your quick to jump to infidelity? 
I agree, because she watches it, doesnt mean she would actually go out and do it - well I hope not!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ldees said:


> Why are your quick to jump to infidelity?



because I was cheated on and know the signs and red flags of cheaters (and have been on infidelity forums for over 18 months)


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I don`t know why you have to "do" anything.
> 
> Ask her what`s up with the porn.
> 
> ...


Yup, this is what I was trying to say


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ldees said:


> I just dont know!
> She may be embarrassed but she know's that really - it would turn me on.
> Self-confessed, I have a high sex drive and wouldn't mind watching porn with her. *We've done it before - her idea. She openly admitted having porn when we got together. She said her ex didnt really want to be with her sexually so she found otherways to please herself! *Im thinking now - is this something similar? Although, no matter how tired, ill, busy, whatever - I never turn it down!





> *She once went through my laptop history and found I'd had a little look at porn but that must have been years ago now.*
> 
> Now I have found adult DVD's hidden which she has bought during the pregnancy and after.
> It makes me feel quite rubbish.


Hard to reconsile the bolded.

So ignoring that for the moment, part of your focus is ont he particular titles. What type of porn was the focus when you watched together? Who selected the titles?

What is my point? Trying to see if there is a shift in what she is enjoying. Most likely she went with harder core stuff as her hormones are raging. BUT, if you watched this stuff before then I why focus on titles. She seems to have sexual fantasies about being taken by multiple men. You see that a lot of the racial stuff with folks who are into cuckolding.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I don`t know why you have to "do" anything.
> 
> Ask her what`s up with the porn.
> 
> ...


I done the same as you. We couldn't have sex so we gave orally whenever. So its not like she's been without. I have a much higher sex drive - and I've managed!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I don`t know why you have to "do" anything.
> 
> Ask her what`s up with the porn.
> 
> ...


The most likely scenario.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> The most likely scenario.


But why, when she knows im always up for it?

Over the weekend I was away, she and the kids stayed with her parents. So that means she would have had to have come home to watch it - while leaving the kids with parents. Unless it had been opened a day or so before I went away.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ask her


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Oh please. She likes porn and has fantasies of gang bangs and some of the men here jump to cheating?! So since HE admitted to having porn, why not equate cheating with him?
She just had a baby, clearly has ragging hormones and likes porn. As Tacoma said, some women are nymphos after childbirth and despite the fact that they physically cannot have sex due to doctors orders, they still have a strong desire for it. I know I did.
Gotta love the double standard though.
Don't ask her anything about her taste in porn. Just pop it in the DVD player and touch each other sexually if sex isn't an option. You are a very very lucky man.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Ok, so she bought all of this without opening the first one and now has opened one of them. That seems odd to me.


Doesn't seem odd to me, my (stbx)w on occasion would go to an adult store and rent dvds - to her the thrill of just going and renting them was probably bigger than the thrill of actually watching them, in fact she/we never even watched a few of them, and most of those we only watched for a few minutes (after a couple minutes our attention was on each other not the tv)


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

I agree with one of the posts that suggests you watch it yourself.

Very interesting. Maybe, she wanted you to find it. Something like this would not bother me. I would probably tease my wife about it and then put the move on her.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Lon said:


> Doesn't seem odd to me, my (stbx)w on occasion would go to an adult store and rent dvds - to her the thrill of just going and renting them was probably bigger than the thrill of actually watching them, in fact she/we never even watched a few of them, and most of those we only watched for a few minutes (after a couple minutes our attention was on each other not the tv)


At that time the inference is that she was not into porn, bought these titles and waited months to open the first one.

That is what I found odd. We have since seen some contraditory statements about this. Now we find most had been opened. Now we hear that they had watched porn together. Not what was implied earlier. Trickle truth with some variances.

My question was related to the details of the story being presented not that it was odd she bought some porn. 

If this was her first go at porn, I would find it odd that she stocked up on these titels all at once before opening one. But it is not her first go at porn. Trying to find some consistency.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ldees said:


> But why, when she knows im always up for it?
> 
> Over the weekend I was away, she and the kids stayed with her parents. So that means she would have had to have come home to watch it - while leaving the kids with parents. Unless it had been opened a day or so before I went away.


She just had a kid. She is not looking for sex with you right now.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Just talk to your wife. Tell her you found the vids and you are excited that she likes them. 

She is probably hiding them because of the judgement she might face if she DID share what she found exciting. But what someone finds exciting on video is NOT the same thing as what they would do in real life. The fact that you got pissed off only at certain titles makes me wonder if her fear of being judged by you has some validity.

If you can approach this without being insecure (it's not always about YOU!) you will probably have a good talk with her and can enjoy the vids together.

She may also just enjoy watching them alone because it's her fantasy time (in the same way some guys like to watch alone). You have to figure out what works for you. If your sex life is good overall (except right now post-baby) I wouldn't worry. However if her video usage is getting in the way of sex with you, then it becomes a problem.

Stop speculating and ASK HER.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Or, with a grin, just tell her you borrowed them and they were pretty good.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Watch one, or more, on your own. Pick out the one you liked most. Put it in the player and say the you found the movie, and it made you so hot that want to watch it with her. Tell her that it's okay for her to have them, but she needs to share them with you because they are too good not to share. Join her. She's not cheating and doesn't plan to cheat on you. Take care of yourselves while you watch the movie together. When she can engage in sex with you again, there will be no stigma of the porn being hidden from you.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Oh please. She likes porn and has fantasies of gang bangs and some of the men here jump to cheating?! So since HE admitted to having porn, why not equate cheating with him?
> She just had a baby, clearly has ragging hormones and likes porn. As Tacoma said, some women are nymphos after childbirth and despite the fact that they physically cannot have sex due to doctors orders, they still have a strong desire for it. I know I did.
> Gotta love the double standard though.
> Don't ask her anything about her taste in porn. Just pop it in the DVD player and touch each other sexually if sex isn't an option. You are a very very lucky man.


I think its the gang bang stuff that bothers me - so now what, im not good enough by myself?!
I dont think she's cheating. Baby 8 weeks old and she's gang banging - doubtful if im honest.
I have no problem with the "no sex". I would be a special type of a**hole if I couldn't understand that just after having a baby.

"Very lucky man" you know what - I agree. I have a gorgeous wife who is into porn - how sexy is that. I think its just the content and how it makes me feel that im not enough for her!


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

While you are watching the gang bang movie, ask her what turns her on about it. She won't tell you that it's because she wants to do it. Rather than she needing several men to satisfy her, it will be the thought that she can satisfy several men. Just like you would think while watching a guy and two girls. The guy is satisfying them.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

gonefishin said:


> I agree with one of the posts that suggests you watch it yourself.
> 
> Very interesting. Maybe, she wanted you to find it. Something like this would not bother me. I would probably tease my wife about it and then put the move on her.


She didn't want me to find them due to where I found them. 
Its odd - it doesnt bother me - but it does if you can try and understand that.
If she bought the dvd's and just showed me and said we'll have some fun sometime - I'd find it well cool - but this isn't the case!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

What would she do if you left the cases, but switched the DVDs with porn you like?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

> "Very lucky man" you know what - I agree. I have a gorgeous wife who is into porn - how sexy is that. I think its just the content and how it makes me feel that im not enough for her!


I wouldn't look that deeply into it - I think this is the same way many women feel about their H's looking at porn, but instead of the number of partners involved or the type of acts they are doing its often the physical appearance they think they can't measure up to. The type of content is just your W's fantasy preference - there is no way for you to compete against that, nor do you have to, because IT'S FANTASY.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> At that time the inference is that she was not into porn, bought these titles and waited months to open the first one.
> 
> That is what I found odd. We have since seen some contraditory statements about this. Now we find most had been opened. Now we hear that they had watched porn together. Not what was implied earlier. Trickle truth with some variances.
> 
> ...


The statements are not contradictory, I just forgot about every minor detail. Most had been opened - well, unless some had been delivered un-wrapped.
Yeah, we had watched porn together previously, quote "not what was implied earlier" - what, god man, "trickle truth with variances" no, not really! Sorry, it was my first post on this forum, and first time on this type of forum. I wasn't aware I had to put in every little bit of detail. I simply couldn't think of everything at the time. 
I had the "bigger picture" in my mind.

Sorry dude.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> She just had a kid. She is not looking for sex with you right now.


Yep, I more than understand that. But we have been doing other things then sex!

I haven't tried to have sex with her and she knows it will happen when she is ready. I did say this in a earlier post.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Maybe you actually have a split personality and they're yours?? 

I look at porn sometimes when my husband isn't home. I like group sex videos right now, but it changes from time to time. Girl on girl turns me on too. We've watched it together in the past (can't right now due to extenuating circumstances) and I know he doesn't care. 

Maybe she bought the whole lot of them together for some kind of deal and didn't pick the actual titles herself. Who knows.

Just ask her, dude. It's all good


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> Just talk to your wife. Tell her you found the vids and you are excited that she likes them.
> 
> She is probably hiding them because of the judgement she might face if she DID share what she found exciting. But what someone finds exciting on video is NOT the same thing as what they would do in real life. The fact that you got pissed off only at certain titles makes me wonder if her fear of being judged by you has some validity.
> 
> ...


True, she may fear judgement I guess. Although I think she knows I'd be cool with it if she just showed me them and said "we'll have some fun sometime". Not just hide them and say nothing.

"Its not always about me" dam, don't I know it lol. My whole life is for my wife and children. I don't want to sound big headed, but I put myself last over everything! Even people who I don't even really care about - I'll do anything for. 
I guess at the moment, I am going through a load of bulls**t at work, financially, and my own parents have just split up. So I guess a lot of stress at the moment, while working completely stupid hours running my business with very very little sleep.
I guess without the above going on, i'd be stronger but at the moment im feeling rock bottom with life.

I dont know if the videos will be getting in the way of our sex life because I find its me always chasing her (pregnancy and baby aside).
We had talked about the amount (little) sex we was having and it just didnt go anywhere and made her feel quite crap. So when the amount of sex went down again, I didn't say anything, stopped coming onto her, and just fell asleep without even trying. 
It was quite difficult because I wanted her, but just told myself what she would say to me - "no".
But when we did do it, she loves it (and she's not faking it). 
If you really enjoy sex when you have it - why do you not want it more often. We sometimes went 6-8 weeks without having sex - all because I stopped coming onto to her. I got fed up of being rejected. 
Age wise, we're in our late 20's so its not like we're about to have a heart attack everytime we get excited.


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## marriagesavingtactics (Sep 7, 2011)

you need to have a talk with her. That is the only answer.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Lon said:


> Or, with a grin, just tell her you borrowed them and they were pretty good.


haha, this made me laugh - and this is more like my true self anyway!


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Watch one, or more, on your own. Pick out the one you liked most. Put it in the player and say the you found the movie, and it made you so hot that want to watch it with her. Tell her that it's okay for her to have them, but she needs to share them with you because they are too good not to share. Join her. She's not cheating and doesn't plan to cheat on you. Take care of yourselves while you watch the movie together. When she can engage in sex with you again, there will be no stigma of the porn being hidden from you.


I hope the cheating isn't on the cards for her. I just hope that she doesn't want to copy the titles - gang bang etc!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

If she wanted to cheat she'd have gone out and cheated (though I'm not sure how realistic that is in her current circumstances). The point is she didn't want to cheat, she wanted to go buy some porn.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

ldees said:


> I think its the gang bang stuff that bothers me - so now what, im not good enough by myself?!
> I dont think she's cheating. Baby 8 weeks old and she's gang banging - doubtful if im honest.
> I have no problem with the "no sex". I would be a special type of a**hole if I couldn't understand that just after having a baby.
> 
> "Very lucky man" you know what - I agree. I have a gorgeous wife who is into porn - how sexy is that. I think its just the content and how it makes me feel that im not enough for her!


Wait a second. You watch porn, right? Should your wife feel "not good enough" because you do?
Gang bang fantasies are very common and that DOESN'T mean she actually wants multiple men just as you wouldn't toss your hot wife aside for a chick in porn....right? I have fantasies that if played out in real life would make me run screaming for the hills. It is just that.....a fantasy. You are plenty fine for your wife, trust me and yes, a hot chick who just had a baby and has a sex drive, you ARE a damn lucky man. Embrace it and enjoy her fantasies with her and don't judge her for it. She sounds awesome!


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

I would just ask her about them. I wouldn't jump to conclusions and honestly you shouldn't feel bad or anything. A lot of women have increased libido during and shortly after pregnancy due to hormones. I can't describe how much I wanted sex after I had my baby - and COULDN'T (doctor's orders).

Sometimes during pregnancy (and for months afterwards) sex also hurts, so she may be using them to help her please herself, as possibly it hurts when she has sex but she still wants something... You will only know when you ask her. 

The titles seem a bit strange, but maybe they were cheapest or something :scratchhead: Who knows? Again, you won't know until you ask her.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

ldees said:


> These are the titles, with my thoughts next to it:
> 
> Another 10 hard porn films. _I think whatever._
> No holes barred. _I think whatever._
> ...


woah, these are all educational, reminds herself that there is nothing wrong with such exquisite educational material :smthumbup:


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Oh please. She likes porn and has fantasies of gang bangs and some of the men here jump to cheating?! So since HE admitted to having porn, why not equate cheating with him?
> She just had a baby, clearly has ragging hormones and likes porn. As Tacoma said, some women are nymphos after childbirth and despite the fact that they physically cannot have sex due to doctors orders, they still have a strong desire for it. I know I did.
> Gotta love the double standard though.
> Don't ask her anything about her taste in porn. Just pop it in the DVD player and touch each other sexually if sex isn't an option. You are a very very lucky man.


This coming from you is hilarious.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Just ask your lady about it. Hopefully she'll let you join in. Also remember with porn "Objects in camera are smaller than they appear"


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I think you all got it wrong.

She was out yard saling and mistakenly bought the DVDs when she thought she was buying the Sound of Music box set.

Once she discovered her mistake she couldn't toss them in the trash without the garbage men knowing about it. 

Oh wait, that sounds like yet another porn title: *The Garbage Men Come Over*.

My point with all this silliness is that you just need to talk to your wife and tell her you found her stash.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

To the OP, have you talked to her yet? Surely you have had time to just ask her about them.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

I haven't said anything to her yet. I think im going to wait a month or so and see if she introduces it into our sex life.
Im just more interested now what will happen. If I bring it up now she could say it was a surprise and now I've ruined it. If I can turn around and say that i've known for months and months - she wont have much room to argue. 
Is this right or wrong?


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

ldees said:


> I haven't said anything to her yet. I think im going to wait a month or so and see if she introduces it into our sex life.
> Im just more interested now what will happen. If I bring it up now she could say it was a surprise and now I've ruined it. If I can turn around and say that i've known for months and months - she wont have much room to argue.
> Is this right or wrong?


This is from your first post:

"I've known about it for a few months now and she's said nothing about them."


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

JMO, but I think if you really wanted to know what was going on, you would just come out and ask her. You're making excuses as to what you think she would say if you ask, that may or may not happen. Just bite the bullet.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

People have suggested for you to just come out and ask her, and here it is 4-5 pages later, and you're going to say you think you will give it a month or so? 

If you have known for months, then just tell her you have, and that you had hoped she would have told you.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

just ask, maybe you can masturbate side by side?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Wait a second. You watch porn, right? Should your wife feel "not good enough" because you do?
> Gang bang fantasies are very common and that DOESN'T mean she actually wants multiple men just as you wouldn't toss your hot wife aside for a chick in porn....right? I have fantasies that if played out in real life would make me run screaming for the hills. It is just that.....a fantasy. You are plenty fine for your wife, trust me and yes, a hot chick who just had a baby and has a sex drive, you ARE a damn lucky man. Embrace it and enjoy her fantasies with her and don't judge her for it. She sounds awesome!


:iagree::iagree:

If you watch porn, you should know that it is all about fantasies. People rarely try what they see in hardcore porn...it's about an escape. I love lesbian porn-doesn't mean that I want to go to bed with a woman. 

I just don't see what the big deal is.

It has only been 8 weeks since the baby's birth. Sorry, but in reality, you have been waiting only two weeks since there is a six week waiting period.  It hasn't been very long!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Kobo said:


> This coming from you is hilarious.


Why? I have no double standards. He says he watches porn and is freaking out because she does. I personally am not in to it but if she is, what is he up in arms about?


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Why? I have no double standards. He says he watches porn and is freaking out because she does. I personally am not in to it but if she is, what is he up in arms about?


Because I remember the"Official" porn thread with you and Syrum and Ian. So seeing what you is funny compared to what was said in that thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

wifeofhusband said:


> I'm anti-porn but that doesn't mean I can't see the contradiction between him looking at it and then him being upset she is.


That's not the funny part but if you find that novel of a thread you might figure out why I find the post amusing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Kobo said:


> Because I remember the"Official" porn thread with you and Syrum and Ian. So seeing what you is funny compared to what was said in that thread.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I haven't changed my position at all. If he watches then he should have no problem with her watching. Period.


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## Rosco (Sep 16, 2011)

ldees said:


> Hi all.
> - dont go down the route she was faking because - well, no way.
> 
> Now I have found adult DVD's hidden which she has bought during the pregnancy and after.


Maybe you were kidding yourself.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Its been 2-3 days since you posted this thread, have you asked her yet? There is nothing to it but to come out and ask her. Are you that afraid of her answer?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

For me, porn was always about the fantasy. After all, if I wanted to watch two middle aged people not have sex, I could just look in the mirror...

Personally, I never expected or even hoped my STBXW would be like the women in the porn I watched. I never held a grudge because they were younger or slimmer than her, or that they were shaved, or Asian or whatever. Never crossed my mind, to be honest. I could watch it like I watch a movie, separating fantasy from reality. So I think you're really over reacting to the variety in your wife's collection.

With my current GF, we've had an active fantasy life. I can talk about a fantasy while we're having sex, and feel her respond to the fantasy. We have acted out on some of the fantasies, and likely will with more in the future, but only because we're both comfortable with them. If one of us was hesitating, it would be a no-go, no questions asked.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Why? I have no double standards. He says he watches porn and is freaking out because she does. I personally am not in to it but if she is, what is he up in arms about?


Read again - I did, but it must have been years ago!


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I haven't changed my position at all. If he watches then he should have no problem with her watching. Period.


I did, years ago!!


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Rosco said:


> Maybe you were kidding yourself.


Doubtful!


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> Its been 2-3 days since you posted this thread, have you asked her yet? There is nothing to it but to come out and ask her. Are you that afraid of her answer?


We was fooling around last night, all dirty talk etc, I asked her if she had any fantasy's that she hadn't told me before. 
As I said we was fooling around at the time and she was really turned on so thought she would be at her best time of letting go a little but nothing.

About a year ago we had a drunken conversation about sex. I dont know how or why but we ended up talking about couples who swing - and how we couldn't understand getting off knowing your partner is with someone else etc etc.
We both said no way, I then said that if we ended up getting it on at the same time as another couple in the same room it wouldn't bother me (we've sometimes all been out and 2 couples have ended up sleeping in the same hotel room).
I said I would not care if we was having sex the same time as another couple in the same room - even at that she wasn't impressed and said that sex is for the couple only - no one else!

So not sure if I agree that she has fantasy's of groups of guys!


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

She has just moved her stash of dvd's. 
She has taken the disks out of the cases. I found the empty cases - also without the covers.
So she has taken the disks out and hidden them somewhere else. I guess 10 dvd's disks is easier to hide than 10 cases.
WTF??


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

dude, why havent you asked her? she's your wife remember, the person who bore your child, the person you have sex with, your best friend

jesus, just ask


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

I haven't said anything to her yet - as im now interested in wtf goes on behind my back!
Also, our 3 year old daughter and 8 week old son now has a chest infection - together with my wife feeling really very rough so im sure its not the right time to discuss.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

??????????


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

ldees said:


> She has just moved her stash of dvd's.
> She has taken the disks out of the cases. I found the empty cases - also without the covers.
> So she has taken the disks out and hidden them somewhere else. I guess 10 dvd's disks is easier to hide than 10 cases.
> WTF??


And you didn't hide your porn?


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> And you didn't hide your porn?


I dont have porn and never have. 
As in my earlier post - I only looked briefly. So briefly I didnt even think to delete the history.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Just let it go. Its obviously not that big of a concern to you. If it were and you really wanted to know what was going on, you would have already asked.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

ldees said:


> I dont have porn and never have.
> As in my earlier post - I only looked briefly. So briefly I didnt even think to delete the history.


It was still hidden and that's my point. She may be doing the same thing.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I love this thread !

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Feta (Jun 15, 2011)

1) How old are you?
2) Is this how you deal with other issues that come up in your marriage? i.e. don't communicate / deal with it, just work yourself up into a frenzy. 

To me it seems like you are making something out of nothing and if this is your style, it's not surprising that your wife is holding back from you, you are a drama queen.

It's simple, you say, "Honey, I came across your stash of porn and I'm conflicted, I want to be excited because this is something fun we could share but on the other hand, I'm confused why you would hide these from me?" And then you let her explain. Assuming their is not a deeper problem, she is going to follow your lead, if you are cool and feel secure about this, so will she, if you are wounded, and all drama queen, then of course she will be defensive. 

This sounds like a trust issue. You have not been able to show her that she can trust you when it comes to this stuff. I would look at this as an opportunity to take the lead and show her that she can trust you by being honest, open and mature about this. Which is not what you are currently doing, which is being immature and insecure.

Good luck!


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I love this thread !
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


why is that then?


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> The longer you leave it, the bigger this is getting in your head. Just ask her. Don't worry if the kids are sick.


But she is sick also


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Feta said:


> 1) How old are you?
> 2) Is this how you deal with other issues that come up in your marriage? i.e. don't communicate / deal with it, just work yourself up into a frenzy.
> 
> To me it seems like you are making something out of nothing and if this is your style, it's not surprising that your wife is holding back from you, you are a drama queen.
> ...


1, Sarcastically? But 29 & 27.
2, To be honest - yes. Bad I know. I do tend to keep things to myself and 'just deal with it'. This is how ive been since a kid! I didnt have a bad upbringing as a child - but it wasn't the best either! I found I couldn't talk to my parents (as we didn't get on) so ive always dealt with things my own way. I dont even talk to my best friend about problems in life.

I agree and thank you for your post although I wouldn't consider myself as a drama queen thou.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> Well, unless she is really sick, I would still ask her. If you feel you need to wait and then don't just ask, you're just making excuses and I'm not sure you really want to know. Then you'll have to decide that you're more content to just live with not knowing.


I guess she isn't that bad! 
Let be honest - if its just porn, then its just porn!
As previously said by others - if she wants to have gang bangs with multiple men - she isn't going to tell me is she!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

ldees said:


> why is that then?



I dunno for sure, this post just made me giggle...



> She has just moved her stash of dvd's.
> She has taken the disks out of the cases. I found the empty cases - also without the covers.
> So she has taken the disks out and hidden them somewhere else. I guess 10 dvd's disks is easier to hide than 10 cases.
> WTF??


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

My wife watches porn more than I do. She watches all kinds of porn. She loves porn in public, where people have sex with everybody else watching. Though she would never in her life do those things.


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## Feta (Jun 15, 2011)

I hear what you are saying about following old habits, if they are working for you great! If not, then you have to find the strength and courage within you to change it. And from what i am reading, it sounds like your approach needs a change.  

The best way to do that is to educate yourself. 2 books that opened my eyes and helped me break out of old patterns were "The 5 Love Languages" and "His Needs Her Needs". I found they both exposed me to different ways of thinking that i had not considered before. Just the act of learning helped as well and made my wife very happy because she saw it as me working hard for the health of our marriage and being a leader. Versus what i did in the past, which was complain and then sit back and expect things to change.

Nothing personal about the drama queen comment, I'm sure it's not how you are feeling but if it's how others are perceiving you, then I'm sure it's something you would want to be aware of.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> So the reason you are procrastinating in asking is that you're scared she's going to tell you she wants a gang bang?


Of course i'm scared but I know 100% she would never admit that to me - would you admit something like that to your partner (male/female aside lol)


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

scione said:


> My wife watches porn more than I do. She watches all kinds of porn. She loves porn in public, where people have sex with everybody else watching. Though she would never in her life do those things.


Thats cool - i'd be happy with that if she told me. Im not sure why she feels she needs to hide it from me thou.


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## ldees (Oct 20, 2011)

Feta said:


> I hear what you are saying about following old habits, if they are working for you great! If not, then you have to find the strength and courage within you to change it. And from what i am reading, it sounds like your approach needs a change.
> 
> The best way to do that is to educate yourself. 2 books that opened my eyes and helped me break out of old patterns were "The 5 Love Languages" and "His Needs Her Needs". I found they both exposed me to different ways of thinking that i had not considered before. Just the act of learning helped as well and made my wife very happy because she saw it as me working hard for the health of our marriage and being a leader. Versus what i did in the past, which was complain and then sit back and expect things to change.
> 
> Nothing personal about the drama queen comment, I'm sure it's not how you are feeling but if it's how others are perceiving you, then I'm sure it's something you would want to be aware of.


Old habits work, and they dont - obviously! 
I agree with you, I guess I do need to change.

'Books' - oh nooooo.... I hate reading lol. But I guess its going to be a lifelong change so I guess its worth the time! Although Im not sure when I'll have the time to read them. I run my own business and am so busy.

No offence taken about the drama queen - I appreciate your comments and time.


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## trlsntribs (Oct 24, 2011)

I sent you a PM. Hope it helps!


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