# Am I risking it?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Today after church took the family out for lunch, and well, we did something we don't normally do.

I don't like to attend church as I'm not Christian but a very strong "Pagan" and weary of any intolerance. But today I thought oh why the fk not, might as well. It's been a while since I heard her sing with that lovely voice of hers. I was immediately smitten by my wife.

At lunch all three of us were holding hands, with my wife in my arms. And I didn't pay any attention to where I was or my surroundings. We live in a rather ethnocentric area unfortunately, and normally - we don't act like a family or couple in front of others.

But today, fk them all. Stares of course, even at lunch a group were pointing at us, as if I'm dumb enough not to notice. But I just didn't care, and continued spending time with my family as I should. When we got back home I got a bit paranoid though... hence this thread.

We live in a very racist environment (unfortunately this is where I decided to get the house as it was gorgeous and cheap), and couples like us are frowned upon. I wonder if I did the right thing because my wife is rather delighted that I let myself love my family openly instead of insisting on trying to hide us... but at the same time we're bringing attention to ourselves just being US.

I don't know if I did the right thing, and if I should continue. If I do - my wife will become expectant of it, so I'm curious whether this is just too much of a risk. What you think?

EDIT: Erm, old thread, more info:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...62-when-society-doesnt-want-you-together.html


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

I have no idea what you're talking about.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

>.<!!!

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...62-when-society-doesnt-want-you-together.html


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

If it's a safety concern, then I'd definitely give strong consideration to moving. If it's just stares, then I'd let them stare.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I hate the spotlights, wish people will leave us alone! It's alot better further into the inner city where people are more multi-cultural and judge folks on an individual basis / had experience dealing with different cultures/ethnics, and don't give a sh-t about who is fking who!

Moving has... always been an issue. My wife has settled down, this is our home now. She was so delighted I didn't give a sh-t about folks this time. I still remember the arguments years ago, I told her to remember what I'm capable of. I had three court charges years ago for assault and grievious bodily harm including an attempted murder charge which was dropped after dealing with racist pricks who were against my daughter - my firstborn.

She reckons it's all my paranoia and she's happy that I "overcame" it. Erm, no, just today she reminded me of so many good memories until my mind was only in the mood for loving her, and to hell with the world and what may happen lol

Well so far it's just stares, and when I went on a violent carnage years ago I ended up beating the crap out of my former social circle; aka NOT strangers. So maybe I AM paranoid? lol


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Just be happy and let the world pack fudge


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

True, besides I guess I can more than afford another 15K with court fines at the moment lol
Unless of course my business goes downhill but it hasn't yet and it wont... so pffft...

What is money when one can't be happy yes? Fk the world!
I will love my wife and daughter in public and from now on, FK IT ALL

Please hold me onto that, so if I make up another thread like this and I talk about hiding my family again - slap the sh-tf-k outta me k?


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

so i'll tell you a story... 

my hubs is brown (south asian)... one of the first trips we took together was to harrah's cherokee casino. i'm not a gambler at all, but my hubs loves it. so we were sitting at a black jack table with 4 other people.. one of which was this older indian guy. i bore easily at these games, so i was gonna go have a coffee and read. i tried to kiss him goodbye (this was when our relationship was maybe 6 months old) and he said, "ok, go" and he turned his head. 

he must have seen the heart break on my face because after i left quickly he cashed out and ran to me. i was in tears. i told him "eff that old indian guy!! you're never gonna see him again, and you broke my heart because of him!" i may have been a little dramatic, but come on... 

so i feel really awkward around brown people now because i dont know how my hubs will react.

i say embrace your wife whenever the hell you want. if someone has a problem with it... it's just that.. their problem. dont hurt your wife or kid's feelings because of *******s.. your family's feelings are WAYYYY more important! if you wife was please with your behavior today.. i'd keep it up! 

good luck and stay outta trouble!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm guilty of hurting her more than once with this unfortunately, and even internally, making her feel insecure by insisting she should dye her hair etc...

To be honest, I'm realising too what I actually have, my wife is very strong to have put up with it all these years. I guess this is for the best, it's risky but my family, as you said, is more important. Funny, it's taken me so many years to realise this.

Yet it's something so simple as hearing her voice sing that inspired me. WTF?! Or maybe I'm just in a mood swing. I don't know... but thanks for the support.

I will try my hardest to keep out of trouble, practice the restraint I have learnt from my years in the hospitality industry. But no longer will I hide my family from the public. Maybe hire a better lawyer next time too so I wont end up with thousands of dollars lost (no, it will be lost to him/her instead! lol)

Thanks though for sharing your story, it really helps -> truly. No woman or child should suffer from their husband's/father's cowardice. Time to make a stand...


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I think it's great that you showed her that she means more to you than the opinions of others. I think it's awesome that it was a genuine and spontaneous expression of real feeling. Kudos to you.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Drover said:


> I have no idea what you're talking about.


Agreed........!! Opinions from others don't matter why would anyone care if a husband/wife was loving there spouse? Prejudices if you mean are common not just skin color either, baldness, fat, ugly, poorly dressed, they all can make people feel insecure, right?

I still don't see how you did anything that a normal relationship does all the time!! I hope you continue it!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You think too much.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

If you loved her enough to marry her with your "differences",, then you should love her enough to show her in front of the world that you love her..

People can look, and have their opinions..but how she feels about you, and how you feel about her is what's most important..

Be proud of yourself, don't doubt yourself.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> You think too much.


You have no idea how many times I've heard that from wifey lol
I guess in this case, maybe I am, just hope it won't bite us in the ass

Besides my wife can defend herself now I guess, we've been training each other too and I learnt a few things - this JJJ is some deadly sh-t! Whether she can use it to defend our family remains to be seen but I guess we are more prepared for trouble then we were years ago.

My wife is very happy with me and I made her forget all about our other issues it seems, especially the way I disappointed her earlier. Doesn't look like I'm going to stop heh 

Thanks guys, I'll keep this up, shouldn't make my wife feel like I'm ashamed of our family. I had issues with my own ethnic as well - some of them felt like I'm abandoning our people by intermixing but meh. I've found my soulmate and considering for so many years I've not seen one woman who can possibly compare to her, fk race! lol


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I would feel horrible to be married to a man who wouldn't act married to me in public. This isn't 1950. Let people stare. Holy shet.

Wtf. I'd tell him to grow a spine. But that's just me.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

WalterWhite said:


> Just be happy and let the world pack fudge


Is this a gay couple? A black/white couple? What? I didn't get it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

^ "Inter-racial" Yes


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

The only way people change is when they're forced to. Make people understand that two people loving each other is what is important. Color, race, creed, religion aside. If it makes them uncomfortable than that is THEIR issue. You don't need to take ownership of their problem. I sit here in this day and age and am really bothered that this is even a discussion anymore. It'd be on par with someone arguing that smoking REALLY isn't bad for you.

To those who are unaccepting and prejudice.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Maybe I'm slow. What's racism got to do with public displays of affection? You're married. Hugging, hand holding, kissing, etc are all perfectly acceptable unless you're dining with the Taliban. If it's a race thing, it's 2012. I lived in the Southeastern part of the United States most of my life and even I don't know anyone under the age of 90 who gives a rat's behind about biracial couples.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's just this area, it's very mono-ethnic. Many are retired vets from Vietnam/Korean wars and it seems their offspring share racist attitudes from their parents/grandparents. Not all vets or their descendants are like that but a good number it seems. They are also p-ssed that the inner city itself is "full of ----s" now and feel threatened. The gang wandering around seems to have attacked any minority it seems. But it has been quiet lately, maybe the cops FINALLY did something about them, I don't know.

Still get the looks and the pointing but whatever lol
Guess my wife and I are ready to put some of them to the ground... I hope, she doesn't have that killer instinct yet >.<
Everytime we spar I don't feel it lol - but meh that's not really important as long as she can defend herself


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

These elderly folks are from a different time and their beliefs were instilled by their parents. You're seeing the last living bridges between Jim Crow and the modern era. You can tell your kids and grandkids one day that you actually met some. The world has changed a lot and it will continue to do so. Your ancestors endured much worse and gave you a better world. Be strong and your kids and grandkids will inherit an even better one. If you are tempted to put them in the ground, are you substantially more evolved than they are? If they are Korean War vets, God will have them in the ground soon enough. You don't have to like everything they do and you don't have to agree with all their views. The truth is, the first place this country learned to work, play, live, and die together, was in the military. They talk rough, but those who fought together have respect and even love for each other that transcends race, religion, ..even family bonds. If you only got looked at, you have to guess what those looks meant. Maybe you seem a bit odd to them and it has nothing to do with skin tone.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yes I've seen the changes further into the city, people are used to it. Here in this rural area, not so much. And nah, I don't go looking for fights, but I like to be prepared. It's not the vets themselves starting trouble, they are too old lol - it's the younger generation of this little dysfunctional town.

And yes we do look odd to them. I can walk down the street no problem sure, but walking down the street with my blonde wife in my arms, another story it seems. "Stealing their women", funny really because my wife doesn't have one drop of their blood in her, she's Euro/Asian lol


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> ^ "Inter-racial" Yes


Meh. I live in Texas. I grew up here. I grew up with an old school bigot for a father. I remember as a kid seeing mixed couples and thinking it was weird. Who cares. Times have changed. Grow up.


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## 99RedBalloons (Aug 16, 2012)

I'm not sure where you live, it sounds very 40's ish. Or maybe you live in the USA where racism is really big. Or maybe they are like that out in the country, I don't know. But fk em. If they don't like seeing it, it is their problem.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Have you ever considered coming to the West Coast? Yeah, we have some back-woods ********, but they are rapidly disappearing.

If you were in any of our cities or suburbs, nobody would ever think anything of it.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

Well, I'd be considered one of those "back woods ********" people like to stereotype, but, having lived in the rural Pacific Northwest most my life, I can say that pretty much... Nobody cares around here. 

I'm not sure why you and your wife put up with the toxic environment. You got nothing to prove to anyone except yourself and each other, and those things have nothing to do with race or ethnicity or religious faith. If I were you, I'd tell the wife it's time to live for EACH OTHER AND YOUR CHILDREN instead of poisoning them with the garbage you've been subjected to. Get outa Dodge and come out west or the northwest, and get on with a healthy life and healthy place to raise your family. You owe it to them.


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## shenox (Sep 12, 2012)

didnt understand exactly what u are telling. But are u trying to hide from the society like you both are not married ? why ? is it a racial or a religious problem ? 

by the way no need to hide, show yourself to everyone as it is. Why the hell you need to be afraid of the society......


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

I am struggling to understand this too. I think it must be environmental (as pointed out). I think when in Rome you should act as a Roman, so I wouldn't make a big deal of being different simply out of respect and politeness, but I wouldn't let it stop me from showing love for those I care for in public too much.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

They are a mixed race couple living someplace where that isn't approved of.


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## shenox (Sep 12, 2012)

are u living in a village ? I think it's better to change the place. Why do you live with savage people around ?


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

oldgeezer said:


> Well, I'd be considered one of those "back woods ********" people like to stereotype, but, having lived in the rural Pacific Northwest most my life, I can say that pretty much... Nobody cares around here.


Same here. -Grew up on a working ranch in a rural Mormon area.

I'm disgusted (but not totally surprised) that anybody would still have a problem with ethnically mixed marriages. To hell with them.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Why are you so certain that these folks don't approve of the racial composition of your marriage? None of them actually said anything. Their disapproval (if any) might not have anything to do with race.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

shenox said:


> are u living in a village ? I think it's better to change the place. Why do you live with savage people around ?


I would guess that they live in the south :-( Lots of ignorant people there (stupid and backward). If these yahoos would travel more, read more, go to school more, they could be more tolerant of people that are different.

Nothing kills intolerance faster then travel to other continents, foreign lands.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Drama King.

good name.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

WalterWhite said:


> I would guess that they live in the south :-( Lots of ignorant people there (stupid and backward).


I live in the northeast, and would say that is a stupid and backward statement. He may indeed live in the south, but that does not prove your comment is right.

Friend - stupid people are everywhere - dont forget it. But never fear - they draw attention to themselves quick enough.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm a backwoods ******* and I married a beautiful woman of Asian descent. Who'd have known she'd like backwoods ********?

OP, you're too thin-skinned. Stop worrying about what other people think. If you feel you're in danger, contact the police. If they do nothing contact the state police, contact the media, whatever it takes. 

You also seem reluctant to reveal your ethnicity. Are you black, asian, purple, what? You've already identified you wife's race. Come on, show some pride! It's just melanin content and bone structure that really make us different physically.

Race is a misnomer by the way, all human beings belong to the same race or else we could not produce viable offspring.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Who gives a damn about what THEY think? I would be damned if i was in an inter-racial relationship and would stop myself from showing affection due to some bigots.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I did look this up awhile ago when RD brought this up, he's in Australia and yes there is some really nasty stuff that goes on there, more to do with minorities mixing and definitions of Aboriginals, etc. Also know a few people from work who go work over there any chance they get. And lots of Aussies come work the ski hills in Canada in the winter. 

It's a much different world than it is in the UK or the US.
Canadians would stone somebody for doing what they do.... we don't accept that kind of abuse. 

It was only in maybe 1993 or 1995 that their Aboriginal Act even passed. Many years behind the US or Canada in that regard. It's still "new". 

You have to imagine that all the neighbors still outwardly show their disapproval. It's not a kind thing. 

And yeah, they show they don't care because they got married in the first place!! It's another thing to live it everyday.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Gotcha. For some reason I thought he was in the US. His accent didn't come through on the screen.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

deejov said:


> And yeah, they show they don't care because they got married in the first place!! It's another thing to live it everyday.


:iagree:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I live in Sydney - Australia lol
It's not this bad elsewhere in the city as I mentioned and I wouldn't mind the stares if there wasn't a threat or people throwing stuff at us even with our daughter around as they drive by. This area, Penrith, is bigotville unfortunately, but I'm risking it now for the sake of my family. 

From what I've heard from others from the UK or US or especially Canada, it seems Australia is still many years behind in terms of racial tolerance compared to other countries. Sydney itself is the best city I've found, and we live here, we even fked in public with folks cheering us on the past.

But further westward into the rural areas where we are living; it's full of bigots. I made a big mistake buying a house here and it's too late to move as we've settled in.

I'm not one to back down if anything happens, but I just dont want the dramas/court cases anymore. That's what I'm afraid of, it's a serious pain in the ass especially the lengthy process. I've already been through three court charges for standing up for my family in the past. However it was also partly my fault -> I should have just restrained them instead of striking back and causing injury which I had to pay for in court. Hence I'm disciplining myself to stick to grappling from now on.

I am very proud of my race, but I know how discrimination works. And on this forum I like to keep my anonymous identity as well as prevent folks judging my people based on me - there's not enough of us (my ethnic has been through 2 genocides) to repair bad impressions.

But if you really want to know, my wife and I are both mixed Asian/Euro except I look more Asian and she looks more Western. We're both "mutts" I guess lol, just a shame we look different despite being both mixed, and gives the bigots cause to think "a bloke from a minority is stealing our women" impression.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

WalterWhite said:


> I would guess that they live in the south :-( Lots of ignorant people there (stupid and backward). If these yahoos would travel more, read more, go to school more, they could be more tolerant of people that are different.
> 
> Nothing kills intolerance faster then travel to other continents, foreign lands.



Really?


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I guess you Ozzies are farther behind than the US. And we're supposed to be puritanical?  Actually an Asian man and a white woman here don't get many looks even out here in the California farm belt. At least from what I've seen.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yes I've heard, and Aussies like to say Americans are racist heh, projection I guess. We're getting there though at least in the inner city, where people are forced to deal with other cultures and ethnics, and forced to learn the simple fact that everyone is fking human in the end.

It's just a problem when folks stick to a mono-ethnic area like where we live, living in their own little world, fearing change and fearing as they say "bunch of g----s taking over" lol
The racism is there against Middle-Easterners and Aboriginals too, and also against European immigrants and/or "Wogs".

But these are the worst trash of Australian society, and despite it we are progressing (at least here in Sydney). Wish I can tie a few balloons to my house and just fly it someplace else though lol
I never thought this problem could affect us because my wife and I were pretty much "fk the world, fk telling us what to do, fk telling us who to love"/etc etc.

That's actually our chemistry, we're both stubborn, rebellious and individualistic people. Yet we can't fight the mentalities of a whole town.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I guess they haven't found out yet that they are all pink on the inside.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well I did show a few of them what color blood they bleed, but I almost went back to jail for it so lol
I'll just put them in humiliating holds instead from now on if it does happen I guess. I hope all of this won't bite me in the ass...

My wife is so damn happy but I'm human and I can't always defend myself when being mobbed especially if some folks decide we're serious enough of an issue - as they did in the past to a few Indian students. I was raised on the streets when I was 12 to 18 and I knew how to handle myself if mobbed back then but to be honest...

I'm rusty now, I'm old, and I barely have enough energy for my wife let alone to fight a mob. Hmmm, all the more reason she should leave me alone come to think of it! :rofl:


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

wow, I guess it must depend on what part of Australia you are in. Here in Queensland I would not expect you would get a second glance. I can say with all honesty that I don't know anybody who would care about interracial marriages & I know quite a few couples who meet that requirement.

I would suggest you leave Sydney & head north to the promised land...


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Yes, put them in a hold that puts their face or a$$ near your groin.

Would send a message to a sensible man.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Just to defend Australia here a bit I live in an equivalent area in Victoria to RD and a mixed race Asian/European looking couple would not raise one eyebrow. Not one. 

Australia certainly has plenty of race issues, but there are millions of people working against discrimination. Race riots and racially motivated hate crimes are pretty rare, if you look at crime statistics. 

And seriously, wogs? Maybe in the 80s, but people of Greek and Italian descent are totally mainstream now. 

I think you're suffering from a persecution complex, frankly.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bellavista said:


> wow, I guess it must depend on what part of Australia you are in. Here in Queensland I would not expect you would get a second glance. I can say with all honesty that I don't know anybody who would care about interracial marriages & I know quite a few couples who meet that requirement.
> 
> I would suggest you leave Sydney & head north to the promised land...


Sydney's fine overall, just not some of the rural western suburbs like Penrith where we live and I've heard the northern beaches also has some problems. Some of our neighbours are thankfully very understanding people however they know that it's very ethnocentric here as well but they can't do anything about it either than to support us. Some live in this little town their entire lives and rarely even go to Sydney and when they do they complain it's full of "g---ks" so lol



> Yes, put them in a hold that puts their face or a$$ near your groin.
> 
> Would send a message to a sensible man.


LOL :rofl:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lyris said:


> Just to defend Australia here a bit I live in an equivalent area in Victoria to RD and a mixed race Asian/European looking couple would not raise one eyebrow. Not one.
> 
> Australia certainly has plenty of race issues, but there are millions of people working against discrimination. Race riots and racially motivated hate crimes are pretty rare, if you look at crime statistics.
> 
> ...


Yes I get this all the time, however I know what my wife and I has experienced and reality has a habit of messing up one's belief that everything is fine and there are no problems and that if there's any problems it's me - if that's what you're saying.

Been there on that frame of thought years ago, got proven wrong. I believe I am fair with my observations and experiences, as I can't deny that elsewhere in the city no one gives a sh-t. As I mentioned my wife and I were even exhibitionist back in the day. But where we live, it's bigot-central.

Denial is the reason why it is taking our country so long for us to solve these issues. You can tell minorities to stop complaining that it's not that bad - but what would YOU know? Sure in some cases minorities themselves are the ones causing problems and then pulling out the race card. That is racism as well. I'm not one for denying the good or the bad.

When minorities do suck it up, they either give up on even integrating with the majority, or they put up with being second class citizens as their voice are simply complaints and not worth listening to. I know racism very well, including from my own people who do not even try to be understanding of both the minorities/majority as me. They also despise the fact that I've married my wife.

We've come this far because we dont' deny the issues on the table.


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