# 1st week of divorce



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Found my husband cheating on me last sat night from some text messages on His phone. I woke him up and he would not give me any explanations. He went to bed in 2nd bedroom and left the following morning, this is not the 1st time I've caught him but it is the first time it looked like he had really done it, after 14 yrs of living with this man and all his drunken rages not to mention DWI which I paid for then he takes out all our savings and leaves me with 71 cents. Then he got paid Friday and left me with nothing. Meanwhile I am stuck here with bills ! Thankfully I do work and have throughout the marriage but what I don't understand us why I am crying over this selfish man! This is probably the best thing for me and I seem to b find at home till I get out and then just burst into tears. So I stay home. I opened another acct in my. And only cuz I can't trust he won't take my paycheck as well . Meanwhile he's out bar hopping with his c^<€ girlfriend who by the way visited my home to get her brakes changed by hubby and very well knows were married because I talked to her cuz I thought she was another guys girlfriend !


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Just don't understand why I am so sad: (


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

It's because of the thought of rejection. We just wonder how could we not be enough, when we were so nice to them. He is doing what is easier for him. He is not living a life of all that...trust. Move forward with your life. I know you love him and you may be able to work it out, but until that time you keep doing what is best for you. I have been there and done that....Divorce final in February and it is better for me with him gone :O) But it does hurt for a while, but keep busy and doing things for you and others to take your mind off things....Just keep on doing you.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Thanks! I filed for D on Tuesday thinking we could do it with no lawyers then got home and found the 13k gone out of savings. I have appt with atty on WED


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Ouch, sorry about that...and know that there is nothing so low that they won't do it. Be vigilante about protecting YOU, your health, mind, finances, future.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

I'm trying to be! Just can't believe he would b so low! He's always let me spend whatever and now he's taking every cent . Just NO TIME to readjust!


----------



## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Good for you that you got an attorney! He sounds like he is choosing to be a complete jerk and you're going to be better off without him, even if you miss the good times.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Don't believe there were any good times that's why I'm do confused over my crying! He was always drunk and always putting me down! I just don't understand myself I guess!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So he just came by! La de da! Locks were changed and he thought he could just waltz back in for his ****! Surprise *******! Wanted to know where his precious 69 corvette was that by the way I bought him to restore was! I told him garage over the phone wouldn't answer the door! So he says he wants in garage I say no then relent and he says forget it I'll just get the sheriff. Told him he list his ****ing garage when he ****ed that **** he's with!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Lost his garage !


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Sorry for language but I am a bit distraught!


----------



## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

office girlie said:


> Don't believe there were any good times that's why I'm do confused over my crying! He was always drunk and always putting me down! I just don't understand myself I guess!


Could the tears be the possibility that you are codependent?


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

U hit the nail right on the head! I think I am codependant! Can't believe u said that as I was thinking the same thing the other night!


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You do realize that regardless of his cheating, he likely does have a right to live in (and have access to) the marital home until a proper legal process has been followed? I'm not saying you should do anything different, just warning you so you're not surprised if a sheriff does demand you give him a set of keys. Of course, your jurisdiction might have a different set of rules...

C


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

I am not sure of that since he abandoned me / will not give me a proper Address and has essentially taken a joint assets as far as cash goes. I in Texas so not sure what the rules are.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Believe me when I say that I wanted to let him in. But I know how much he would destroy me. This is so unfair . I truly loved him even though I have caught him cheating on me several times verbally on the Internet . But this was real not a fantasy !


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Why did I have to call him? I slept most of the day away and my daughter came by to check on me . I was trying to add my bills and such up when I found the pages of him calling this ***** up/ e pgs in 2 weeks . Anyway I just had a big crying spell and disinvited my in laws to my daughters wedding which is next month. I am so torn up and so ready to go back to work do I don't keep think bout all this. Don't even know why I love this fool! Guess I'll make appointmrnt next week with a psychologist cux I'm not handling this well at all. I'm 56 yrs old and having a bad time


----------



## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

OG, as a rule... it's a good idea to hold off on big things for 24 hours. because your mood is going to swing all over the place. you likely did the right thing with the in-laws but it also could have waited until the next day.

TAM should always run a distant second to IC. Get on that. It'll give you another venue to explore this stuff!!!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Thanks Orpheus ! I just want to get this over with! I've been so lonely for so long . I want to have fun again and b with someone who is not always bringing me down ! The quicker this is over the quicker i can heal! Think I will check out the codependent pages / I think that why I always get stuck with alcoholics! A miserable existence !


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Ok so I've made it 1 whole week today. I cried so hard after talking to STBXH that my eyes are all puffy so can't get out today! Can't wait to go to work tomorrow just to get away from all this! Hoping next week will b better!


----------



## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

It will get better for you.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So it's been a week. Worked all day 12 hrs and now home. Hubby keeps wanting is to dissolve the marriage without lawyers but it scares me. Feel like I'm going to get screwed. I don't know why he is in such a rush? I'm still try to believe this is real and not a nightmare! Really confused on the lawyer deal. Have appt tomorrow / maybe I will feel better after talking to her!


----------



## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

hang in there og, are you on any anxiety meds? no decisions on anything unless your emotionally ready which takes time, trust me time. he can't force your hand or make you do anything you dont want to do. the 24 hr rule is a smart rule to follow, i can't even start to tell you how many emails/texts/letters/love songs that either i posted on here or woke up the next day & say thank god i didn't send that  thinking of you & take 1 thing out every day no matter how bad & have you a good chuckle. it does help


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So I backed out of my appt with the lawyer @ last minute after talking to stbx and wished I hadn't / he comes over yesterday and I practically begged him to come back. I'm such an idiot/ I don't know how I can still love him after all he's done to me and really never realized our whole marriage that I really did love him. I asked him how he could be out having an Affair on me and then come home like all those nights he did and b *****ing at me cuz he had no dinner waiting in him and start an argument. I said dont u have any conscience at all? He would b sexting her while I'm sitting right beside him! 
Anyway I had a rough night ended up crying all night but today is better. 
I'll b starting my 3rd week Sunday so maybe it will b a better week. And yes I do take some meds for depression but really my crown and coke is the best meds I can find right now . I really don't drink hardly ever but when I have problems that I cannot change it seems I do, 
Just iced tea tonight though.!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Been calling him all day / can't believe that I want this ******* back! He's not answering and I am so lonely . Life SUCKS!!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

There should really be a breath test for texting!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So making it thru another week and going to see lawyer tomorrow and this time I WILL NOT CHICKEN OUT! Want this done and over with!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So I have an attorney now and feel so mu h better! It was like A weight off my shoulders! Hopefully he will sign and this will b over and I can start a new life !


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Felt a little sad heading home from work today but felt great that I haven't cried all week. I came close a couple of times during the day but managed to stay busy @ work . So can't believe I'll soon b starting week 4 and also managed not to call him @ all. He did text me & ask if I needed any cash and I said no then next day I let him know that I did need done money on some of his bills that I so graciously paid he said he would come over tomorrow to drop off a check : told him to just mail it. He asked if I wanted him to come over so we could talk . I said no I was really busy. He should b getting my Atty papers soon. He will probably b mad. I'm beat .


----------



## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

OG, you sound like you're holding up well. I would caution that if you feel like crying that the best thing to do is just do it for a few minutes and get it out.

Stay busy this weekend and keep on fighting the good fight!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So he's coming over today to drop me off some money for bills I've paid on his behalf such as car ins, cell phone and his welding equip rentals. Told him I got a lawyer and he said that was a waste of money and I said all the money we have gone through it was well worth it to me as I cannot handle it emotionally myself. I also told him that I thought it was his responsibility to pay for it ad it is him who wanted out and commited adultery. So it's back to my crown and coke again. I'm so glad he did move out. I can't imagine doing this while he was still here. Still very depressed but I guess that is natural and something I will eventually b over


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So got stood up again for the umpteenth time / why do I keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results! ? I think I'm just going to have to cut out all communications because I can't trust my own feelings to overcome my brain !


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So I've made it through the first month and have actually gotten thru the weekend without crying. Although I did get a text from him today in which he called me sweetheart and asked if I was doing ok. Told him I was doing good and making my bills etc. then I kinda teared up. It still seems unreal / I wish it could have been different / I also keep having these nightmares of him cheating on me but I guess it will get better with time. Can't believe I made it a whole month and didn't call In sick 2 day! But then again I can't afford to. Making house payments with no help and paying all my bills. Hope I can keep this up but it really feels lonely. I really miss him but cannot ever forgive h for the way he treated me.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Meant to say I haven't called in sick not one single day!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Ok do I Ben trying to do the 180 stuff not calling not texting and all week he had been texting me bout all his bs from his job. I finally broke down and tried to discuss the destruction of our marriage and he just disappears : no replies / so I try calling and no answer. I feel like such an idiot for trying to get some answers! Jeez think this divorce is going to b done strictly from texting as he don't discuss it. I totally failed on the 280 and guess I gotta start over. At least in not crying anymore although I do tear up some during certain moments.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

office girlie said:


> Ok do I Ben trying to do the 180 stuff not calling not texting and all week he had been texting me bout all his bs from his job. I finally broke down and tried to discuss the destruction of our marriage and he just disappears : no replies / so I try calling and no answer. I feel like such an idiot for trying to get some answers! Jeez think this divorce is going to b done strictly from texting as he don't discuss it. I totally failed on the 280 and guess I gotta start over. At least in not crying anymore although I do tear up some during certain moments.


"I am not okay with you trying to discuss your daily hardships with me. We are no longer together, unless it's about the divorce proceedings do not contact me."

He ran away because you mentioned reality.

State your boundary for distance and continue to heal.


----------



## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

It is ok to keep trying to do the 180. I believe that it is a hard thing for people to do please stop expecting perfection from your self and being hard on your self over it. You are human. Are you in IC? If not you should consider it and may be pick up some thing to read that is going to inspire you to keep your self 1st.


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Just finished reading the thread and I'm sorry for what you're going through.The way your H interacts with you now makes it seem like he's trying to keep you on the back burner just in case.Kind of ticked me off that he emptied your account then called and asked if you needed any money....wow,what did he think!? Anyway you take care of yourself and time will help you heal....I think there is a saying that you've got to give time time though.Expect more for yourself than what you've been given and stay strong.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

You r so right about TIME, and time does help ease your raw emotions. This was my 3rd marriage and my 2nd husband passed away in his 40's. that was the hardest thing I have experienced. However I gave 14 years to this man and he did this to me. I will get over this it's just some days r easier than others / thanks for all the direction : 
It helps to know other people going through the same problems. Time definitely helps.


----------



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

At least you are going to get a fresh start! Someone deserving of you is out there.


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

office girlie said:


> You r so right about TIME, and time does help ease your raw emotions. This was my 3rd marriage and my 2nd husband passed away in his 40's. that was the hardest thing I have experienced. However I gave 14 years to this man and he did this to me. I will get over this it's just some days r easier than others / thanks for all the direction :
> It helps to know other people going through the same problems. Time definitely helps.


Sorry about your 2nd husband.He was in his prime,so was it sudden? Forgive me if I'm being intrusive and don't hesitate to say so.

Yeah,when you're in the moment and suffering the pain of infidelity and loss the big thing is always "how do I make this pain go away?" There's a tendency in all of us to find an immediate remedy to any pain,be it physical or emotional.The letting go,acceptance and time were what worked for me.Though I did try to find some immediacy with alcohol,all it did was keep it at bay for the shortest while.

I don't know what happened to end your first marriage,but I'm sure there was pain there as well.So you know that there is an ending to it.Just remember that and keep it at the forefront,especially during the hard days.Also,if you start to look back on the good memories don't forget to remember the bad ones as well,especially the ones your STBX has been providing lately.Take care.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

I really don't have very many good memories of h. He is an alcoholic and it seemed the more he drank the more I ate which is why I am so overweight now. I thi k it was also the amount of stress I was under never know what kinda mood he was gonna be in/ then there was him watching porn for a few years and then him going to bars without me I might add. I think this is the best thing for me now and am growing to accept it. I have been unhappy and severely depressed for the last 6 years. I forgave him many times as I did not really think anything was happening just a lot of text flirting although that messed with my self esteem substantially .


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

My 2nd husband was also an alcoholic bit he did really try to quit. He was wonderful to b around and we really became really close after his 3nd heart attack . He was only 41 and I was 37 with 2 children. I still miss him dearly especially right now as our daughter is getting married. He died several years ago in '92. He had his 3rd heart attack when he died .


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

No way for you to have to live...always worrying and walking around on egg shells.My mother did it for awhile,until she finally gave in to her own demons.I hope you find your own voice and continue to become strong as your own person...codependency no more!

It's sad that your daughter's dad won't be there for her wedding,but its still going to be a joyful time for her and you and the rest of your family.And if you already don't have them then maybe in the not too distant future there will be grandkids.I have 4,from age 7-14 and though I don't see them as often as i would like,they make me so happy.You need some major happy in your life,so please don't settle anymore for unhappy.We only get one go round in this life,please make the most of it as you are just as deserving of happiness as the next person.You just have to start believing you are! Stay well.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So think I'm getting over the poor me pitty party and am filled with anger . My stbxh texts me this morning over the divorce papers he was suppose to send in over a month ago and told me he was printing them out a week ago to mail back to Atty and asks me the most asinine question bout them. Told him to either sign them or get a lawyer. He had a probl with the waiving of attorney clause . We haven't even gotten to settlement papers yet and he's dragging his feet. He's the one who wanted out of this marriage : great way to start my day. I was so mad by the time I got to work ! But I feel better being angry than I do crying all the time so I feel like I am improving , so now I'm off for 2 weeks for vacation and my baby gets married on Saturday / she's 29. First marriage . I haven't had a vacation in 3 years so looking forward to a little ME time. I thought out divorce would b final next week but the way he's dragging his feet I think that will b impossible / oh we'll !


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So going on week 6 now I think. Took my mother of the bride dress to altered and went to grocery store. Don't know why grocery shopping is such a Downer but I got tears in my eyes coming home. Groceries r so expensive and as I'm checking out I'm wondering if I can do this myself or not )financially) As I'm driving home I almost started crying a bit but regained my composure. I haven't shopped for groceries in like a month and was out of everything . Got up this morn and decided to walk on my treadmill and walked a mile which is good as I haven't worked out in a LONG time. STBXSIL text me last night to see if x I coming to wedding and I texted back that he was not invited . Shortly after he calls / I don't answer and he leaves message that I couldn't hear. Not sure if he was really calling or just accidentally called the wrong number. I did not call him back


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So called him this evening to see if he mailed papers to the lawyer. He says he did and again asked him about the divorce and what his understanding of our agreement was. Seems like we r in agreement on that. Almost broke down in tears but hung up before I could go there. Today's been hard for me not sure why / guess cause its getting so close and he's never once apologized to me.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So my daughter got married yesterday and stbxh texts me he wanted some pics as I told him he was not invited. He has been her stepdaughter for half her life. I sent them to him god only knows why. He's suppose to bring our divorce papers to me this week. 
Ready to get this over with. 
Checked ow status on FB & looks like he spent the weekend fixin her heater, 
Well good for her ! 
My daughters wedding was beautiful and we had a great party after. Hopefully I have this over & done with by the 29th! Wish me luck!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So ****weed shows up today with all the papers Except the transfer if the house feed and a check for half the savings Nd half attorney fees, he starts screaming at me for even mentioning that he did not bring the other paper for transferring the house. How dare I. He Also wrote down his real address showing that he's moved in with his **** *****. Then he had the audacity to tell me he has been trying to make this as painless as possible. I took a whole weeks vacation trying to get this done and it is more of his drawing it out forever . Course he brought it on his lunch hour and he couldn't possibly bring it back after work so I get to sit around for another friggin day ! So had A crown and coke / several as a matter of fact and torr into him by text, no replies of course as my feelings don't matter/ only his, screw the 180 I'm done


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So got all the divorce papers signed today and delivered to the lawyer. All that's left now is going before the judge and mAking it legal and finalized, he is suppose to get all his tools this weekend and I will have a garage. 
Cried all day yesterday and have puffy eyes this morning . Hopefully I will cry no more and get on with my life,


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So Monday is D Day! Hope it's quick and painless and I don't cry all the way home. Now stbx is cleaning out the garage on sat and will move his stuff out mon @ tues. 
glad we had no children to argue about!


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So I am officially divorced and didn't cry all the way home. Hit SSN office and DL OFFICE on way home and got my maiden name back. Feels very final now! Got home and DS was here getting the last of his things. Said he would come back tomorrow and clean up the garage and do some things round the house. Feel kinda weird about leaving my house open while I'm gone but he's been pretty good bout things so guess ill leave it open and pray for the best.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Kinda depressed today and don't know why. Guess its the holiday season and getting really lonely . I must get out some it's been 3 months since I threw him out)


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

It's now been 1 month since d day.


----------



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Sorry Girlie. Know it's gotta be hard. I gotta sign my papers. My ex (soon) still really hasn't shown any remorse or anything for cheating and killing our marriage. No fight, no trying, no MC ... nuffin. 

What he's doing to you is pretty rough, and I'm sorry. 

Hope you start feeling better soon girl.


----------



## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Hey there,
How are you doing today.
Things will get better and it has to;We are better off without cheating,lying spouses ;
Please try community service where in you will get inner peace as well as good people to be friends with.
Wishing you the best in life.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Today was much better ! So nice to b able to vent here! Thanks everyone for the comments.


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Jeez! So it's been 4 months and divorced now for 2 months . He wants his tax returns for last 2 years so he can buy new home for him and his PA mistress. Told him his problems are no longer mine and to get them from the IRS. He says he doesn't know my SSN. Dumbass! His sister did our taxes for years ! DUH! I have turned into a complete ***** and for some reason love it! Can u say woman SCORNED?


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

So I rethought bout it and gave him the info to get it. Just had to vent my remaining anger!


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Just read all through this thread and you are making a very good transition. :smthumbup: You have a lot to be proud of. Now head over to the Life After Divorce section. 

Still can't figure out what a Crown and Coke is...:scratchhead:


----------



## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

Haha! Thanks I will!


----------



## DDGresham1 (Dec 15, 2012)

So sorry to hear you are going through this. Hang in there.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> Still can't figure out what a Crown and Coke is...


 mixed drink - Crown Royal (whiskey) & Coca-Cola.


----------

