# First Post, so much in common - Long story



## kwc (May 21, 2011)

The love of my life decided 2 1/2 weeks ago that she needed to be "on her own for a few weeks to decide what she wanted"
It was a complete shock and I am at a loss.

Our life has not been prefect but really darn good overall. We have gotten through so many difficult times together, employment issues, loss of a very beloved pet, etc.

She recently got a new job and was quickly promoted and found a whole new group of friends to have ****tails with after work. I was fine with this, in face very happy for her until the nights started turning into morning, 

A couple weeks ago I logged into our joint cell phone account and found a number that was being called or calling over and over again. I verified the owner of the number and sure enough, it wasn't one of her new work friends.

when confronted, he is of course just a friend that happens to hang out with her crowd. By the way she is 42 years old and I am 53

She loves to be the life of the party, the first one to dance and karaoke and the last to leave. I am the opposite, I have a limit and the loudness and overbearing nature of people that drink to much are very taxing on me mentally.

She has since told me she is not seeing anyone else, which is very difficult at best to believe and she does not see us getting back together because she is having fun and enjoying life.

I have left her alone, little to no contact except when necessary after the initial pleading to do anything to fix what ever problems we have / are having. 

Of course she loves me but is no longer in love. I have resigned myself to the fact that it is likely over but I just can't imagine it and I want her back.

I am sad and abandoned feeling. I have begun counseling on my own but she wont go.

Is it just time to let go? I'm physically and emotionally exhausted and just want her back. She wont see me, meet me for dinner or go on a "date"

I'm just lost.

any advice would be very much appreciated.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I think it is too soon for you to throw in the towel.
It sounds like she may be going through some sort of MLC and unfortunately, there is little you can do about her behavior and actions.
Going to counseling for yourself is a good place for you to start, because regardless of what happens to your marriage you will be a stronger person in the end.

I would suggest reading "Divorce Remedy" by Michele Weiner-Davis and start implementing 180's for yourself.

I know you feel like your heart is breaking right now, and I promise you in time things will get easier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stay healthy..work out and focus on what you couldn't do when your wife was around, so do the things you always wanted to do.

Most important is to stay away from her and when you do run into her give her the perseption that you are moving on with succes.
People want what they cant have so show her a confident man that is moving on to better things.

If you worry about what you can change for her you will fail. You need to make the changes in your self ..that make you feel better. She is being influenced by others and you won't be able to control that, but you can control how you are precieved, and that should be a confident man that knows what he wants and her or no one else will keep you from being happy.

She has found someone that has given her a fake and fantasy life style that is exciting and new. The only way to compete with that is to show her you are better then all that. You are above that life style she has choosen, look down on her and realize the choices she is making are fake and won't last. She is the weak one and you are the strong one.

You are real and you will stop tolorating the way she is managing you. show her you are on your own for the better and if she wants stability and security she can come along, if not then you are more then capable of moving on with out her.

Most likely she believe you will always be there and ther are no consequences for her action, you need to show her other wise by being postive in your change and making her believe you are happier for it and comfortable with the fact that you will not always be around for her. 

So start now...show her what it will be like with out kwc around.
Stop the cash flow and protect your accounts. cancel all insurance and stop all joint accounts.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The phone number she is calling...just a friend...I love u but I'm not in love with you.... Sounds like the classic...she's prob having an affair. U need to find out. And sooon. Do some digging. Don't lether know ur looking into it. Don't pursue her or beg her to stay. U have to act like u have acccepted she wants out and be strong. Do not waiver. Now is NOT the time to be weak.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Like the others said, I would definitely move forward with your life without her. Sometimes people are attracted to that and come back, often times they don't. Just assume she found the most beautiful man alive to date and write her off for now. Wondering about some other guy is pointless.

I am sorry you are going through this. I truly hope you feel better soon.


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## kwc (May 21, 2011)

Thanks everyone for the support and kind words. This is just so overwhelming. I have ok minutes and bad hours.

I know I need to give her her space and the time she says she needs, but man this is tough.

Just never thought this would happen to us.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

YOU NEED TO FIND OUT about her "friend." Seriously. And soon.

If it's an affair you are dealing with a whole new problem. 

Don't be weak. Be confident. Start doing 180s. If you don't know what that is, look it up on this site. Be strong. If she starts asking why you're being this way (standing up for yourself/accepting her position) tell her STRAIGHT UP you have thought about what she has said and you agree.

AGREE. VALIDATE.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts.
Look at this way, you are facing a death in the family and no matter how hard it is you will...you must move on.

She may or may not come to her senses, but showing/being a confident man that has control of him self is the best way through this mess.

Pick your self up and show her you are better then all that. DO not let your self be defeated by this.

Go find your self


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