# Respect for wives



## aine

I know respect if a hot topic from the male perspective, but wives ought to be respected too. In what ways does your H disrespect you.

In my case it is saying he will be home at a certain time, then he comes home a few hour after that and gets mad if I am annoyed.
Also when he gets drunk he can be mean with his words

Just interested to hear others on how you might feel disrespected by your husband.


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## jld

When I have said something many, many times, and it is not heeded.

When there is time for his priorities but not mine.

When I say something that he almost reflexively dismisses or debates, but accepts as credible and worthy of serious consideration when someone else says it.


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## SecondTime'Round

Well, I'm divorced so I could list enumerable ways my ex disrespected me including infidelity and violence. But, I will keep it more basic for married women reading this thread.

I always felt disrespected by my (ex) husband when he ridiculed me for being interested in things he was not interested in. I'm talking minor things like reading People magazine, wanting to hang out with my girlfriends, watching certain TV shows, etc. (Sounds like he was maybe the brainiac in our union, but no....he was the construction worker with the high school education and I was the college graduate). He was always the type of person that if you didn't like exactly like what he liked or believed exactly like he believed you were wrong. That is disrespectful.


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## ConanHub

This can be a good thread ladies.

I have already had my toes stepped on by jld's post.

Please keep sharing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT

My ex was weird in his disrespect....

He didn't listen to me.
He usually poo-pooed my choices in favor for his. (He'd ask my opinion....on a restaraunt or paint color for the house, then do what he wanted anyway)
He admonished the children after me, which made me feel like my discipline didn't count.
His preferences mattered more than mine.
His time was more valuable than mine.
His ideas were better. 

There's more.... tons more.

Even when I became a teacher, after going to school full time for 5 years with 5 young kids....he said it wasn't a "real" job, because air conditioning was provided. 

I'm just happy he is someone else's problem. First time I saw him in ten years (last year) with his long term gf, I gave her a hug and whispered "YOU touched him last!" LOL, and she totally got it. So I'm thinking he does the same thing to her.


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## jld

ConanHub said:


> This can be a good thread ladies.
> 
> *I have already had my toes stepped on by jld's post.*
> 
> Please keep sharing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How so?


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## SecondTime'Round

SunnyT said:


> Even when I became a teacher, after going to school full time for 5 years with 5 young kids....he said it wasn't a "real" job, because air conditioning was provided.


Wow, that's a new one, but my ex would have said that, too. Mine was never a real job because I worked for a non profit. (With a/c!)


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## SecondTime'Round

jld said:


> How so?


I think he just means your post touched a nerve. CH is teachable, and that's a good thing .


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## ConanHub

jld said:


> How so?


Dug and I are apparently similar in how we make our wives feel disrespected.

I look inward all the time and your post struck true of how I treat Mrs. Conan at times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld

ConanHub said:


> Dug and I are apparently similar in how we make our wives feel disrespected.
> 
> I look inward all the time and your post struck true of how I treat Mrs. Conan at times.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That shows self-awareness and humility on your part, Conan. 

How does she react when these things happen, if I may ask?


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## SimplyAmorous

I probably shouldn't be on this thread.. I can't think of anything...

Other than very small moments like this... ( I'm only sharing to give some insight to how a simple "I'm sorry" can soothe you both & bring you closer )....

** If/when he says something to me brashly in a moment..(like once working on a computer desk ... putting it together ....I walked in to ask if he needed help, he snapped at me cause something was broke already.. going off about Chinese sh**.... a couple hrs later...he comes to me, tells me he was sorry...telling me I didn't deserve that.. 

Some of these times.. I didn't even think anything of it...that was one of those.. I understood he was having a bad moment.. but still his doing that..just warms me....his caring he didn't hurt me, or if he did...he wanted to make it up... 

Just makes me want to grab him & hold on tight..


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## ConanHub

jld said:


> That shows self-awareness and humility on your part, Conan.
> 
> How does she react when these things happen, if I may ask?


She can get frustrated, shut down, sad, angry.

She sometimes tries to challenge me on it and other times just distracts herself with chores or hobbies.

She is a gem. I need to improve.

I believe our communication styles are very different and I need more patience and understanding when we talk.

Not boasting but my I.Q. Is in the high genius range and I think too fast sometimes to really hear what she is saying.

I jump too fast to the finish line but I ran the wrong race while Mrs. Conan isn't even on the track I assumed she was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT

That is how my now H is. 

Kind and considerate. It's soooooooooooooo appreciated after not having that!


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## SecondTime'Round

SimplyAmorous said:


> I probably shouldn't be on this thread.. I can't think of anything...
> 
> Other than very small moments like this... ( I'm only sharing to give some insight to how a simple "I'm sorry" can soothe you both & bring you closer )....
> 
> ** If/when he says something to me brashly in a moment..(like once working on a computer desk ... putting it together ....I walked in to ask if he needed help, he snapped at me cause something was broke already.. going off about Chinese sh**.... a couple hrs later...he comes to me, tells me he was sorry...telling me I didn't deserve that..
> 
> Some of these times.. I didn't even think anything of it...that was one of those.. I understood he was having a bad moment.. but still his doing that..just warms me....his caring he didn't hurt me, or if he did...he wanted to make it up...
> 
> 
> Just makes me want to grab him & hold on tight..


I think this is ideal . He apologized. 

Today I snapped a bit at my kids for letting the dog out in the mud and not wiping his paws when he was let back in (because they know better). About 15 minutes after my snap, I went to my daughter (who my snap was directed at), and apologized and told her why I was grumpy (work). She honestly thought nothing of it, but I think her experience of me apologizing anyway goes further than any damage I did with my little outburst (however justified!!!). Your husband apologizing shows he truly loves you, cares about you, and wants to keep your relationship open and healthy.


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## jld

ConanHub said:


> She can get frustrated, shut down, sad, angry.
> 
> She sometimes tries to challenge me on it and *other times just distracts herself with chores or hobbies.*
> 
> She is a gem. I need to improve.
> 
> I believe our communication styles are very different and I need more patience and understanding when we talk.
> 
> Not boasting but my I.Q. Is in the high genius range and I think too fast sometimes to really hear what she is saying.
> 
> I jump too fast to the finish line but I ran the wrong race while Mrs. Conan isn't even on the track I assumed she was.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Conan, do you remember about a year ago, when she said something you found hurtful, and you would not touch her for 3 days, though she apologized profusely?

Do you think one reason she distracts herself is because of fear you might react that way again if she spoke up?


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## ConanHub

jld said:


> Conan, do you remember about a year ago, when she said something you found hurtful, and you would not touch her for 3 days, though she apologized profusely?
> 
> Do you think one reason she distracts herself is because of fear you might react that way again if she spoke up?


LOL! Is this a tj?

No. Our sexual dynamic has issues like anyone.

I believe she reacts that way to distract herself and avoid a fight.

We can both be stubborn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

SecondTime'Round said:


> I think this is ideal . He apologized.
> 
> *Today I snapped a bit at my kids for letting the dog out in the mud and not wiping his paws when he was let back in (because they know better). About 15 minutes after my snap, I went to my daughter (who my snap was directed at), and apologized and told her why I was grumpy (work). She honestly thought nothing of it, but I think her experience of me apologizing anyway goes further than any damage I did with my little outburst (however justified!!!).* Your husband apologizing shows he truly loves you, cares about you, and wants to keep your relationship open and healthy.


That's a great story ....and so true !

What you just laid out here SecondTime is a truth that could work wonders in many relationships.. when we come *willingly*... when we feel that check in our conscience that we over stepped.. was too harsh in a moment.... whether it's our kids (I've sure been there myself!), our friends , or our spouses.. 

This shows we're not perfect.. we Loose it sometimes... we can get frustrated.. but boy it's beautiful to make up - and still find that rest & acceptance.. sometimes we can even laugh about it afterwards too! 

These are little things.. but they speak so much to the







...

I don't know.. it takes sensitivity to be this sort of person, I guess.. but it's a great thing to get a hold of...and share.


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## jld

ConanHub said:


> LOL! Is this a tj?
> 
> No. Our sexual dynamic has issues like anyone.
> 
> I believe she reacts that way to distract herself and avoid a fight.
> 
> We can both be stubborn.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 @aine

Would you like Conan and me to delete our posts? I am sorry if it turned into a t/j.


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## heartsbeating

Like SA, I don't feel I belong on this thread. 

I guess an example I can think of was when we were out with friends. Chatting away, I was contributing to the conversation, when he made it obvious he didn't want to discuss that topic anymore without consideration to what I was sharing. I felt the way he went about it was rude. When we were in the car, I told him how I'd felt. He hadn't seen it the same way as me. That was a somewhat interesting conversation unto itself. We talked it out; he apologized.


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## ConanHub

jld said:


> @aine
> 
> Would you like Conan and me to delete our posts? I am sorry if it turned into a t/j.


I was kidding. I think we are in line with the OP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine

jld said:


> When I have said something many, many times, and it is not heeded.
> 
> When there is time for his priorities but not mine.
> 
> When I say something that he almost reflexively dismisses or debates, but accepts as credible and worthy of serious consideration when someone else says it.


I can identify with the last one. I am a qualified chartered accountant and he asks me about financial stuff, I give advice, he nevers listens and then asks others (who do not work in the area) but their advice is great. Then he wonders when I wont engage with him anymore in the area of financials. :|


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## aine

SunnyT said:


> My ex was weird in his disrespect....
> 
> He didn't listen to me.
> He usually poo-pooed my choices in favor for his. (He'd ask my opinion....on a restaraunt or paint color for the house, then do what he wanted anyway)
> He admonished the children after me, which made me feel like my discipline didn't count.
> His preferences mattered more than mine.
> His time was more valuable than mine.
> His ideas were better.
> 
> There's more.... tons more.
> 
> Even when I became a teacher, after going to school full time for 5 years with 5 young kids....he said it wasn't a "real" job, because air conditioning was provided.
> 
> I'm just happy he is someone else's problem. First time I saw him in ten years (last year) with his long term gf, I gave her a hug and whispered "YOU touched him last!" LOL, and she totally got it. So I'm thinking he does the same thing to her.



Your ex sounds very very insecure!


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## aine

ConanHub said:


> LOL! Is this a tj?
> 
> No. Our sexual dynamic has issues like anyone.
> 
> I believe she reacts that way to distract herself and avoid a fight.
> 
> We can both be stubborn.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She may well react that way because she is still smarting from the emotional pain. Women process emotions differently. Whereas you may think little of it and just move on, women can still remember 10 years later something you said to wound.


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## aine

ConanHub said:


> I was kidding. I think we are in line with the OP.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Not at all, the thread was for woman's feedback but men may chime in if they want to add or shed some light on matters raised.


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## aine

SimplyAmorous said:


> That's a great story ....and so true !
> 
> What you just laid out here SecondTime is a truth that could work wonders in many relationships.. when we come *willingly*... when we feel that check in our conscience that we over stepped.. was too harsh in a moment.... whether it's our kids (I've sure been there myself!), our friends , or our spouses..
> 
> This shows we're not perfect.. we Loose it sometimes... we can get frustrated.. but boy it's beautiful to make up - and still find that rest & acceptable.. sometimes we can even laugh about it afterwards too!
> 
> These are little things.. but they speak so much to the
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...
> 
> I don't know.. it takes sensitivity to be this sort of person, I guess.. but it's a great thing to get a hold of...and share.


That is the give and take that good relationships are made of, The opposite is defensiveness, justification for the behaviour and an unwillingness to say sorry and own it.


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## samyeagar

SimplyAmorous said:


> I probably shouldn't be on this thread.. I can't think of anything...
> 
> Other than very small moments like this... ( I'm only sharing to give some insight to how a simple "I'm sorry" can soothe you both & bring you closer )....
> 
> ** If/when he says something to me brashly in a moment..(like once working on a computer desk ... putting it together ....I walked in to ask if he needed help, he snapped at me cause something was broke already.. going off about Chinese sh**.... a couple hrs later...he comes to me, tells me he was sorry...telling me I didn't deserve that..
> 
> Some of these times.. I didn't even think anything of it...that was one of those.. I understood he was having a bad moment.. but still his doing that..just warms me....his caring he didn't hurt me, or if he did...he wanted to make it up...
> 
> Just makes me want to grab him & hold on tight..


You and I have discussed the similarities between your husband and I, as well as between you and my wife, so it is no surprise to me that this sounds very similar to the dynamic between my wife and I

I think the apology is important, but what I see as the biggest difference in what you relayed here, as compared to what the women who feel disrespected is that they seem to be living a pattern of disrespect. It's easy to overlook an isolated incident or two without giving it a second thought, but eventually, the benefit of the doubt is lost.


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## LosingHim

Not helping with housework. 

How I feel when I bring up something that's important to me. If I debate he'll say "you always have to be right!" "You always have to have the last word!" 

Because of that I feel like I'm never right and that I can't do anything right. We could be discussing whether or not the sky is blue and he'd find a way to "prove" the sky is NOT blue and my opinion that it is, is wrong. I could say "it's scientifically proven the sky is blue" and he'd tell me that I just "always had to be right"

We had a discussion one time where he was saying the above. I said "you know J, you always have to be right too." His response was, "the difference IS, I AM always right" 

Uhhhhhh....... :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine

samyeagar said:


> You and I have discussed the similarities between your husband and I, as well as between you and my wife, so it is no surprise to me that this sounds very similar to the dynamic between my wife and I
> 
> I think the apology is important, but what I see as the biggest difference in what you relayed here, as compared to what the women who feel disrespected is that they seem to be living a pattern of disrespect. It's easy to overlook an isolated incident or two without giving it a second thought, but eventually, the benefit of the doubt is lost.


I agree with your last paragraph, most women are very open hearted and good willed when it comes to the odd slip up of their loved ones including the H. It's the continual disrespect over a period of time that creates a hardened heart and sometimes a refusal to see changes that a spouse is making, one more slip up and the good is dismissed.


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## JJXmomma

This thread makes me appreciate my husband more. Some of the things these men do are quite disrespectful! In my marriage though my husband's behavior toward me changes dramatically depending on how I treat him and also how much sex he's getting. 

Still the hardest thing for us is when I'm in a moment of weakness. He doesn't usually respond the way I'd like. For example if we are fighting and I start crying, he doesn't feel sympathetic. Well, maybe he does but he doesn't act that way. He usually just gets more annoyed because he takes my crying as a personal attack on him, when really it's just something I can't help. Those times are very tough on me.

The other times of weakness are when I'm sick. Just last night I had a severe case of nausea and vomiting. It was horrific. I had three little kids at home including a baby and literally had to let him scream for me while I was curled on the couch feeling like I was going to die. When my husband came home he acted annoyed with all he had to do. He did get me pedialyte, called my mom (a doctor), asked if I needed to go to the ER, and took care of the kids for me but it was tough that he wasn't acting more caring and affectionate toward me at the moment. 

In moments like that I have to remind myself that I didn't marry a woman who would be more nurturing. My husband loves me very much and I can tell by his actions that he would do anything for me. But he is not perfect and is not capable of acting exactly the way I want in every circumstance, and sometimes I have to remind myself of that.


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## Luvher4life

As much as I try to NOT be disrespectful to my wife, there are times where she "feels" I'm being disrespectful to her. Sometimes I can put my finger on it, sometimes I can't. I would never be intentionally disrespectful to my wife, and I try over and over to tell her that. She just has to communicate it with me. I think it's mostly my daughters who are disrespectful to her, but only when I'm not around. I don't let them get away with it when I'm there. She just has to realize something I've always told her while the girls were growing up. She has to be the disciplinarian when I'm not around. I can't be that when I'm not there, and telling them she is going to tell Daddy only worked until they reached puberty. After that, it's hit and miss, whether the threat works or not. She has to learn to fight her own battles, and I have backed her whenever she does use discipline.

There are some little things (big to her) that she feels disrespect from, and she gets extremely defensive about these, too: when she has to ask how to spell a word (she's a schoolteacher, and I never have a problem helping her); when she has trouble on her computer and I have to help her (I don't have a problem helping her, and I don't degrade her in any way when I do); when I have a difference of opinion, even if slight, and don't harp on it, she feels disrespected somehow; sometimes I come off in a condescending tone without meaning to, and that leads to some of her feelings of disrespect. For what it's worth, I have worked on that, and have gotten better with tone of speech. It still happens, just less often. I hate that part of my personality, along with my always "feeling" I'm right until proven otherwise. I think we all have that issue, however. I am the first to apologize when proven wrong, though.

The more you respect yourself, the more others will respect you. Everybody has self-worth, and feeling that is something that only that person can work on. I always try to encourage her, telling her she is my one and only, and that I love her more than anything or anybody, she is a wonderful wife and mother, she is sexy, beautiful, and worthy of any praise thrown her way and then some. She still has some issues with self-image that I can't help her with, but I do my best to build her up where I can. The rest is up to her, and I will be behind her with every fiber of my being.

By the way, she is extremely attractive, sexy, honest, trustworthy and honorable, and the best wife and mother I could ask for. I tell her many times a day how much she means to me, how much I love her, and want nothing more than to make her the happiest woman in the world. Fortunately, these "little" things don't happen very often, and we move on quickly afterward. We are truly BLESSED!


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## katiecrna

Ways I've felt disrespected...

My husband taking a phone call on speaker phone at 3am while I was sleeping right next to him, and I had to wake up at 430. 

I'm not allowed to get mad. If I do, he defends his behavior and gets upset that I'm upset and makes it about him. I have to cause a huge fight just to get an apology.

Bought a car without consulting me ahead of time.

Taking a phone call at dinner, or right before dinner.


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## ym96

In-law visits.

When we go to his parent's, he says well only be there for an hour, but he just stays in his brother's room and we stay there for four hours, me sitting awkwardly with the in laws most of the time.
But whenever I want to go to my parents, he acts like it's a death sentence, and IF we do go, he'll either go to the back and pay games on his tablet, our take frequent 15 minute restroom trips.

Sent from my SGH-T599N using Tapatalk


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## beatricecat

The lack of respect from my husband towards me has been a huge issue in our marriage.

For example there was a movie I wanted to go see with him this past summer, but when I brought it up he said he would just rather wait till we can stream it or something, so I waited. All my friends went and saw it, said it was great, asked me to go, and I declined because Craig had expressed that he wanted to wait and we both wanted to see it. Mind you we had both been talking about the movie and how good it looked months before it came out and every time he said the same thing, 'Let's just wait, we don't really have the money to go out to the movies.'

A month after the movie came out, his best friend calls him, asks him to go to the movie, he gets ready and as he walks out the door casually says, 'Oh hey, I'm going to the movies I'll see you later.' I got furious and it created a big fight. Was it over something small, sure. But I had respected him enough to wait for him, and as I'm struggling to pay the bills and keep food on the table, he goes out with his friend without any second thought to me. 

Ultimately, my husband never really demonstrated much respect or concern for me, and as a result I lost my respect for him, and now the fate of our marriage is kinda up in the air at this point.


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## Lila

The one thing my husband does to make me feel disrespected is not making me a priority. What's worse is that regardless of how many times I call him on it, he denies it. He tells me "you're wrong". 

This issue comes up over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over in many different ways. 

The latest one.....My son and I are going to S. Beach, FL President's Day weekend (a.k.a Valentines Day weekend) to visit my family. My husband decided to stay home to work on putting up the backyard fence. I had no issues with this until he told me he was planning on taking Friday off from work as well. So why did I feel disrespected? I've asked him countless times to take a day off work and play hookie with me (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) to which he tells me he can't. Always has an excuse about how busy he is with work. He can afford to take a day off of work to PUT UP a ****ing fence but he can't take a day to SPEND IT ****ing me. Makes me feel very unimportant, and frankly, taken for granted.


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## TheMoon

Whe he ignores me at events or parties for hours at a time.

When he shushes me repeatedly and then claims I don't communicate. 

When he makes a big mess in the kitchen right after watching me clean it. (He doesn't clean.)

When he says I don't need my desk/office or says I don't have a job. I own my own business and work from that home office. He ignores the fact that I pay for plenty of things for us with money from my "fake job".

When he mocks "gym people". I've been an avid gym goer for over 15 yrs.

When he dismisses my opinions or feelings for any reason. I can only hear the phrase "your feelings don't matter" so many times before an eye twitch sets in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Duguesclin

jld said:


> When I have said something many, many times, and it is not heeded.
> 
> When there is time for his priorities but not mine.
> 
> When I say something that he almost reflexively dismisses or debates, but accepts as credible and worthy of serious consideration when someone else says it.


I am sorry to say that I have to agree with what you wrote. It is obviously not intentional but unfortunately it is true.


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## NobodySpecial

beatricecat said:


> The lack of respect from my husband towards me has been a huge issue in our marriage.
> 
> For example there was a movie I wanted to go see with him this past summer, but when I brought it up he said he would just rather wait till we can stream it or something, so I waited. All my friends went and saw it, said it was great, asked me to go, and I declined because Craig had expressed that he wanted to wait and we both wanted to see it.


So I am sorry. This is not HIM disrespecting you. He voiced a preference to wait. You wanted to see it. You CHOSE not to go see it.


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## aine

beatricecat said:


> The lack of respect from my husband towards me has been a huge issue in our marriage.
> 
> For example there was a movie I wanted to go see with him this past summer, but when I brought it up he said he would just rather wait till we can stream it or something, so I waited. All my friends went and saw it, said it was great, asked me to go, and I declined because Craig had expressed that he wanted to wait and we both wanted to see it. Mind you we had both been talking about the movie and how good it looked months before it came out and every time he said the same thing, 'Let's just wait, we don't really have the money to go out to the movies.'
> 
> A month after the movie came out, his best friend calls him, asks him to go to the movie, he gets ready and as he walks out the door casually says, 'Oh hey, I'm going to the movies I'll see you later.' I got furious and it created a big fight. Was it over something small, sure. But I had respected him enough to wait for him, and as I'm struggling to pay the bills and keep food on the table, he goes out with his friend without any second thought to me.
> 
> Ultimately, my husband never really demonstrated much respect or concern for me, and as a result I lost my respect for him, and now the fate of our marriage is kinda up in the air at this point.


The sad thing is your H probably doesn't realise it is a huge issue for you. My experience in my own marriage and from what my friends say is that man can be really obtuse about these things. whereas they move on and forget, women bottle it up and add it to the list of things they hold against their husbands. The best thing you could have done is call him out on it, and fight, it means you are letting him know you cannot be walked over.


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## aine

NobodySpecial said:


> So I am sorry. This is not HIM disrespecting you. He voiced a preference to wait. You wanted to see it. You CHOSE not to go see it.


It is disrespectful because it shows a total lack of respect for her feelings. Otherwise he is thick!


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## SurpriseMyself

I've shared this before. My STBXH would turn his back on me, even walk out of the room in mid conversation. He also would act happy and laugh and be positive with others, but it was fake. He gave me the "real" version of himself, which was none of those things. He explained it that he disnt feel the need to put up that front in our marriage. The worst was when he'd talk to my sister and be so engaging, yet i got none of that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

Now take this exchange for example ...between







..



jld said:


> *When I have said something many, many times, and it is not heeded.
> 
> When there is time for his priorities but not mine.
> 
> When I say something that he almost reflexively dismisses or debates, but accepts as credible and worthy of serious consideration when someone else says it*.





Duguesclin said:


> *I am sorry to say that I have to agree with what you wrote. It is obviously not intentional but unfortunately it is true.*


Wanted to get back to this post...Jld's husband...notice.. he didn't jump to defend what she laid out there, which wasn't so pretty ....he takes ownership, that Yeah... he's







...he could do better. 

*He respected her voice*...he weighed it's truth....Now THIS is something to work with.. Why hasn't jld built resentment or can look past these things...only she can answer this but it surely helps his taking ownership..then she is able to give him some grace....oh she may get MAD & Fume on occasion.. but then he understands just *why* this happens, then he gives her Grace. 

How important, when we can acknowledge our own flaws before the other... it's a great starting point for coming closer together, working through a "disrespected" dynamic.. 

The other day my husband was driving... not realizing I was pushing it, becoming a back seat driver...how he missed this turn, then that one (He was just going a different way)... 

He says to me ... "I need to put a seat belt on your mouth"... I laughed so hard..







...he was right though!... my attitude & comments weren't necessary!


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## jld

SimplyAmorous said:


> Now take this exchange for example ...between
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ..
> 
> Wanted to get back to this post...Jld's husband...notice.. he didn't jump to defend what she laid out there, which wasn't so pretty ....he takes ownership, that Yeah... he's
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...he could do better.
> 
> *He respected her voice*...he weighed it's truth....Now THIS is something to work with.. Why hasn't jld built resentment or can look past these things...only she can answer this but it surely helps his taking ownership..then she is able to give him some grace....oh she may get MAD & Fume on occasion.. but then he understands just *why* this happens, then he gives her Grace.
> 
> How important, when we can acknowledge our own flaws before the other... it's a great starting point for coming closer together, working through a "disrespected" dynamic..
> 
> The other day my husband was driving... not realizing I was pushing it, becoming a back seat driver...how he missed this turn, then that one (He was just going a different way)...
> 
> He says to me ... *"I need to put a seat belt on your mouth*"... I laughed so hard..
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...he was right though!... my attitude & comments weren't necessary!


Lol, SA!  Good thing you found that funny, too! 

You are right that Dug's taking ownership of not respecting me, instead of becoming defensive, prevents my becoming resentful. Very insightful observation!  

Your situation with your husband the other day reminds me of what Dug was trying to say a few weeks ago about his "unhelpful" comments about our empty fridge. Making those comments does not actually get the fridge filled. Seeking to understand why (basically my putting too much pressure on myself to cook from scratch, as opposed to being more flexible) would be more productive.

On a similar note . . .

The other day, when I was reading the Alimony thread, I was shocked by what I saw as the lack of recognition of the financial contributions of a sahm. I was thinking about how different Dug's attitude is from that, how much he values my contributions as a sahm. He would pay alimony even if it were not required. He just thinks it is the respectful thing to do.

So I was thinking this, and feeling really ashamed for all my little complaints about him, like how he is not attentive and affectionate enough. I really felt like I was not seeing the forest for the trees.

I went to him and told him I was really sorry, that he was such a fine man, a truly good man, and that I was ashamed of myself for having such minor complaints. I felt so bad. 

His response was so kind. He told me I had nothing to be ashamed of, that whatever I feel I should tell him, as it can help him become a better man. 

I really appreciated his maturity and empathy. It is a big part of why I trust him so much.


----------



## KathieKerr

Great views!!!!


----------



## UMP

Since I am a man and born "thick", the way I have figured out how to always respect my wife is to simply listen and be polite.

If my wife speaks, I actually listen intently and honestly try to give weight to everything she says. I then think before I speak.
That will usually fix just about anything.


----------



## NobodySpecial

aine said:


> It is disrespectful because it shows a total lack of respect for her feelings. Otherwise he is thick!


Why do women think men can read their minds?


----------



## SimplyAmorous

NobodySpecial said:


> Why do women think men can read their minds?


 Men will never be mind readers.. this can drive them a little crazy... but there are things they can DO....to seek to understand their girlfriends, wives better....

It's in these little efforts, asking about her day, how she feels about this or that, what is her opinion... these little acts of communication will win them much favor.. Personally I think both sexes should ask more "open ended questions" - to seek how the other feels..

I think this is AS important as active listening , it's part of it even ....








...There was an article about men not being mind readers...and one of the husband's said ...

"" I like to tell my wife “Start with the punchline”…to help keep me in the conversation. Sometimes if I know where the conversation is going to end, I can then enjoy the story of getting there."...


----------



## beatricecat

NobodySpecial said:


> aine said:
> 
> 
> 
> It is disrespectful because it shows a total lack of respect for her feelings. Otherwise he is thick!
> 
> 
> 
> Why do women think men can read their minds?
Click to expand...

I never expected him to read my mind. It's just I asked him to go with me to see it not just once but multiple times, he said he wanted to wait each time, so I waited out of respect for him. 

If he had told me, he wanted to go see it with his friends originally then that would have been fine by me, and I would have gone out to see it with mine.

It's not a mind reading thing, it's more of a, 'my wife has explicitly demonstrated interest in seeing this movie with me on numerous occassions both recently and in the past, and has said that she would wait to see said movie until we watched it together. Maybe rather than blowing her off like a jerk for my buddies, I need to offer to maybe invite her along, or just go with her first.' 

If I had never told him anything before, that'd be one thing, but he knew that I wanted to see it, and he knew I was waiting to see it with him. Because I was trying to make an honest effort to spend some quality time with him.


----------



## Lukedog

When I have just cleaned the floors, swept, mopped, etc., and he walks through the house with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and drops ashes on the "just cleaned" floors....then he laughs at me when I point it out to him. He does it in the car too...and I am the only one that cleans the car out...he NEVER cleans the car....but yet he sure does enjoy driving the clean car.

When I have him repeatedly to fix something in the house because it is a hazard or is creating a hazard and he never does it. He agrees with me that it needs fixed....but NEVER does anything about it. 

No communication is total lack of respect. We have zero "0" communication between us. I have tried to get him to discuss things with me and to discuss our issues (communication, finances, household matters, sex), but he just won't do it. And on the rare occasion that he will sit down for a brief conversation, I never get "answers" to my questions, just his usual circle of talk.

Once, when I pointed out a few things to him and told him some of these things he does (or doesn't do) shows a lack of respect to me and my feelings, he says....No, I am not disrespecting you.

I could go on and on about the lack of respect I am shown, and how I feel I am taken advantage of and taken for granted. The bottom line is, when one person is shown disrespect, that person often times, if not always, loses their respect for the other person and vice versa. And if you can't talk about the issues openly and honestly and be open to constructive criticism, then what do you have?


----------



## aine

Ok, this thread has more or less died but I wanted to add one more. Believe it or not I sometimes come back and read what I have previously posted to see the journey I am currently on.

BTW H is much better, still sober, more engaged, kinder I would say but still sometimes .

When we decide to go out to dinner, he says he doesn't mind anywhere, I suggest somewhere I'd really like to go to and then he says no and makes a decision to go elsewhere. This is getting a little old so I told him that it was about time I got to decide where we were going as he always did and I was sick of it. He wanted to protest, realised I was right and I chose a vegetarian restaurant, (I like veg food, he doesn't) and he went along with it. Another small battle won


----------



## anonmd

UMP said:


> Since I am a man and born "thick", the way I have figured out how to always respect my wife is to simply listen and be polite.
> 
> If my wife speaks, I actually listen intently and honestly try to give weight to everything she says. I then think before I speak.
> That will usually fix just about anything.


I chose this post to quote because it was 'liked' by several women. Nothing wrong with the post, perfectly fine way to behave towards your mate. 

Having said that, not sure I can exactly convey my thoughts in words here BUT - I do not think the male thought / desire for respect is the same thing you all are talking about from the female side which probably goes a ways towards explaining why it can be so hard to get the guy to avoid these slights. 

For example, the thought that not going along with a restaurant choice is disrespectful? This is incomprehensible until explained. I was once many years ago driving around a strange town with my wife, might have been pre-marriage, looking for a place to eat. The pickings were pretty slim, we pointed out a handful of places to each other with little enthusiasm but nothing seemed that great. Then a Hooters came up which seemed appealing to me <g>, so I suggested it. That was immediately rejected with extreme prejudice . No problem on my part, information filed away for future use - waitresses in tight T's with cleavage are some sort of trigger - but I didn't feel disrespected. I suppose the filing away in my mind was 'respectful' but the thought that me repeatedly rejecting one of her choices is disrespectful is just hard to comprehend - although true.


----------



## Andy1001

aine said:


> Ok, this thread has more or less died but I wanted to add one more. Believe it or not I sometimes come back and read what I have previously posted to see the journey I am currently on.
> 
> BTW H is much better, still sober, more engaged, kinder I would say but still sometimes .
> 
> When we decide to go out to dinner, he says he doesn't mind anywhere, I suggest somewhere I'd really like to go to and then he says no and makes a decision to go elsewhere. This is getting a little old so I told him that it was about time I got to decide where we were going as he always did and I was sick of it. He wanted to protest, realised I was right and I chose a vegetarian restaurant, (I like veg food, he doesn't) and he went along with it. Another small battle won


I just read this thread and your other thread about being lonely and I sympathise with you about your loneliness.But you looking at the choice of restaurant as a "battle won" strikes me as being very passive aggressive.If he actually dislikes vegetarian food and you chose the restaurant despite knowing this, then that would be the sort of thing that would get on my nerves.Almost all decent restaurants have a vegetarian option but going to one that is vegetarian only would be a problem for someone who doesn't like veg.It strikes me as being petty and that is not going to help you and your husband to get along better in your relationship.


----------



## cma62

My husband does a few things that I feel are disrespectful.
He has a habit that I try to tolerate but am finding it hard. He bites the skin around his fingernails and then drops it on the floor beside the couch where he is sitting. It is a disgusting habit that I have "nagged" about for years. His answer is ... it's my house too I ll do what I want. Well..ok then....he would not talk to me for a day or so and told me to get off his back. So I tried a different approach....since obviously I wasn't getting through to him. I put a small decorative box on the table beside him to put his "bits" in with a lid that could be covered up so we all didn't have to see the mess. He uses it sometimes but not all ... now he has taken to putting the "bits" behind the couch now. It is a very bad habit ...and habits are hard to break, that's why I thought the box was a compromise even though I can't stand the disgusting habit. I hate bringing it up now as it causes a fight and he won't speak for a while...which is fine ...kinda at my whits end trying to figure out how to curb this. If I had a disgusting habit like that that I knew bothered him as much as his bothers me I would try my hardest to break the habit...but he is sounding kind of childish and entitled.... because it's "his" house too. I am embarrassed to even talk about it....but at least nobody knows or sees me here....LOL
Another bad habit is he belittles me by calling me a baby or don't be a child by telling me to grow up if I say something that he is not in aggreance with.


----------



## jld

aine said:


> Ok, this thread has more or less died but I wanted to add one more. Believe it or not I sometimes come back and read what I have previously posted to see the journey I am currently on.
> 
> BTW H is much better, still sober, more engaged, kinder I would say but still sometimes .
> 
> When we decide to go out to dinner, he says he doesn't mind anywhere, I suggest somewhere I'd really like to go to and then he says no and makes a decision to go elsewhere. This is getting a little old so I told him that it was about time I got to decide where we were going as he always did and I was sick of it. He wanted to protest, realised I was right and I chose a vegetarian restaurant, (I like veg food, he doesn't) and he went along with it. Another small battle won


Glad you enjoyed your meal, aine. 

My daughter has dated two guys, both non-veg. Yet whenever they were with her, they ate veg. 

When a man loves you, he accommodates you. He wants you to feel at ease with him.


----------



## Andy1001

jld said:


> Glad you enjoyed your meal, aine.
> 
> My daughter has dated two guys, both non-veg. Yet whenever they were with her, they ate veg.
> 
> When a man loves you, he accommodates you. He wants you to feel at ease with him.


But do you not think that this was a conflict that could have been avoided,she could have had a vegetarian meal without forcing him to eat vegetarian.She herself admitted it was a "battle won".
Us carnivores have feelings too you know.😥😥😥


----------



## jld

Andy1001 said:


> But do you not think that this was a conflict that could have been avoided,she could have had a vegetarian meal without forcing him to eat vegetarian.She herself admitted it was a "battle won".
> Us carnivores have feelings too you know.😥😥😥


You are funny, Andy. 😄

The idea of a restaurant being a battleground is indeed concerning. It should be a moment of pleasure for the couple.

That said, I would consider a veg restaurant a real treat, as she could eat with no worries about her food. That kind of mental and emotional comfort, if freely offered by him, might well lead to physical closeness later, as she would feel loved and valued by him.

I am kind of surprised he did not see that on his own, considering how long they have been married.


----------



## aine

anonmd said:


> I chose this post to quote because it was 'liked' by several women. Nothing wrong with the post, perfectly fine way to behave towards your mate.
> 
> Having said that, not sure I can exactly convey my thoughts in words here BUT - I do not think the male thought / desire for respect is the same thing you all are talking about from the female side which probably goes a ways towards explaining why it can be so hard to get the guy to avoid these slights.
> 
> For example, the thought that not going along with a restaurant choice is disrespectful? This is incomprehensible until explained. I was once many years ago driving around a strange town with my wife, might have been pre-marriage, looking for a place to eat. The pickings were pretty slim, we pointed out a handful of placeo each other with little enthusiasm but nothing seemed that great. Then a Hooters came up which seemed appealing to me <g>, so I suggested it. That was immediately rejected with extreme prejudice . No problem on my part, information filed away for future use - waitresses in tight T's with cleavage are some sort of trigger - but I didn't feel disrespected. I suppose the filing away in my mind was 'respectful' but the thought that me repeatedly rejecting one of her choices is disrespectful is just hard to comprehend - although true.


I think you misread what i wrote, my H having his own opinion is fine but when it must be his choice of restaurant all the time, regardless of what I might like, yes that is disrespectful, selfish and self centered. First of all he says he doesn't mind I can choose, then he takes that away from me and disagrees with my choice. To my mind that is about control and lack of respect for a choice I have made. A once off is not a problem, but all the time? I don't see how you could possibly think it is anything but selfish and disrespectful to me.


----------



## aine

anonmd said:


> I chose this post to quote because it was 'liked' by several women. Nothing wrong with the post, perfectly fine way to behave towards your mate.
> 
> Having said that, not sure I can exactly convey my thoughts in words here BUT - I do not think the male thought / desire for respect is the same thing you all are talking about from the female side which probably goes a ways towards explaining why it can be so hard to get the guy to avoid these slights.
> 
> For example, the thought that not going along with a restaurant choice is disrespectful? This is incomprehensible until explained. I was once many years ago driving around a strange town with my wife, might have been pre-marriage, looking for a place to eat. The pickings were pretty slim, we pointed out a handful of places to each other with little enthusiasm but nothing seemed that great. Then a Hooters came up which seemed appealing to me <g>, so I suggested it. That was immediately rejected with extreme prejudice . No problem on my part, information filed away for future use - waitresses in tight T's with cleavage are some sort of trigger - but I didn't feel disrespected. I suppose the filing away in my mind was 'respectful' but the thought that me repeatedly rejecting one of her choices is disrespectful is just hard to comprehend - although true.


Why 'repeatedly'? So in other words it must always be your way or no way?


----------



## aine

anonmd said:


> I chose this post to quote because it was 'liked' by several women. Nothing wrong with the post, perfectly fine way to behave towards your mate.
> 
> Having said that, not sure I can exactly convey my thoughts in words here BUT - I do not think the male thought / desire for respect is the same thing you all are talking about from the female side which probably goes a ways towards explaining why it can be so hard to get the guy to avoid these slights.
> 
> For example, the thought that not going along with a restaurant choice is disrespectful? This is incomprehensible until explained. I was once many years ago driving around a strange town with my wife, might have been pre-marriage, looking for a place to eat. The pickings were pretty slim, we pointed out a handful of places to each other with little enthusiasm but nothing seemed that great. Then a Hooters came up which seemed appealing to me <g>, so I suggested it. That was immediately rejected with extreme prejudice . No problem on my part, information filed away for future use - waitresses in tight T's with cleavage are some sort of trigger - but I didn't feel disrespected. I suppose the filing away in my mind was 'respectful' but the thought that me repeatedly rejecting one of her choices is disrespectful is just hard to comprehend - although true.


Well Hooters duh! IN that case I would request a trip to Mad Mike type restaurant with some nice looking young guys with washboard abs, tans and big packages in small briefs. How would that take your fancy? Afterall what is good for the gander is good for the goose, no? 
BTW 'repeated rejecting ONE of her choices' is very different from repeatedly rejecting any choice, you see the difference?


----------



## aine

Andy1001 said:


> I just read this thread and your other thread about being lonely and I sympathise with you about your loneliness.But you looking at the choice of restaurant as a "battle won" strikes me as being very passive aggressive.If he actually dislikes vegetarian food and you chose the restaurant despite knowing this, then that would be the sort of thing that would get on my nerves.Almost all decent restaurants have a vegetarian option but going to one that is vegetarian only would be a problem for someone who doesn't like veg.It strikes me as being petty and that is not going to help you and your husband to get along better in your relationship.


My H gets go to whatever restaurants he likes, my point is he repeatedly rejects ALL of my choices (they are not all vegetarian). If he wants to go to a pork/beef restaurant I go and eat salad ( I do not eat pork/beef) but I still go and have done so for many years. My point is why must it be his choice always?


----------



## aine

Andy1001 said:


> But do you not think that this was a conflict that could have been avoided,she could have had a vegetarian meal without forcing him to eat vegetarian.She herself admitted it was a "battle won".
> Us carnivores have feelings too you know.😥😥😥


Andy please, it's not as if the vegetarian meal is poison, in fact he enjoyed it very much. You are missing the whole point. My husband is selfish, everything is his way, his choice, so I am just explaining how I feel that is disrespectful to me as a person, I ought to choose now and again. I go to pork and beef restaurants all the time with him and eat a salad. I do it because I want him to be happy, don't you think once in while the favour should be returned?


----------



## Andy1001

aine said:


> My H gets go to whatever restaurants he likes, my point is he repeatedly rejects ALL of my choices (they are not all vegetarian). If he wants to go to a pork/beef restaurant I go and eat salad ( I do not eat pork/beef) but I still go and have done so for many years. My point is why must it be his choice always?


The point I was trying to make(probably inadequately) was that you seemed to have chosen the restaurant purely because your husband doesn't particularly like vegetarian food.One thing I keep hearing on tam is to pick your battles or pick the hill to die on.


----------



## jld

Andy1001 said:


> The point I was trying to make(probably inadequately) was that you seemed to have chosen the restaurant purely because your husband doesn't particularly like vegetarian food.One thing I keep hearing on tam is to pick your battles or pick the hill to die on.


Or just let your wife pick the restaurants.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

jld said:


> Or just let your wife pick the restaurants.


Or they could alternate
or
they could find restaurants that have broad enough menus to appease both
or 
they could do anything that puts symmetry into the situation

It need not be a his way or a her way thing. Which if I understand aine's post, is all she is asking for. From where I sit, it would be very easy for her hubby to offer some respect in this area without completely capitulating. 

Fortunately, my wife and I like much the same food, so we usually settle on something mutually agreeable pretty easily. If we have difficulty, it's because we both like so much, it's hard to choose. 

On those rare occasions where she's set on something I'm not really keen on, I'll usually go along. She gets so happy after a pleasurable meal, how could I deny her that? And, truth be told, there's no food on the planet that warms me like her smile and her happiness. I could toot my own horn and say how much I "respect her" by letting her choose, but the fact is letting her do so is in a way equally selfish of me as I get great satisfaction from her satisfaction.


----------



## Robbie1234

Andy1001 said:


> The point I was trying to make(probably inadequately) was that you seemed to have chosen the restaurant purely because your husband doesn't particularly like vegetarian food.One thing I keep hearing on tam is to pick your battles or pick the hill to die on.


You can't beat a good steak @Andy1001 is that what you think.


----------



## Robbie1234

jld said:


> Or just let your wife pick the restaurants.


That will just lead to resentments by him,it's not resolving anything


----------



## anonmd

aine said:


> Well Hooters duh! IN that case I would request a trip to Mad Mike type restaurant with some nice looking young guys with washboard abs, tans and big packages in small briefs. How would that take your fancy? Afterall what is good for the gander is good for the goose, no?
> BTW 'repeated rejecting ONE of her choices' is very different from repeatedly rejecting any choice, you see the difference?


Is the food good? I'd consider it, I'm a little at a loss on commenting completely because I have no idea what a Mad Mike type restaurant is. I googled it and the burgers look tasty . BTW, at the time I'd never actually been inside a hooters. Now, I did have a burger in a strip club once LOL! 

I did not choose a restaurant example to pick on you in particular or for that matter because I thought your resentment at being repeatedly ignored was invalid - I understand that, and he ought to be able to figure it out. Hopefully with some direct communication on your part if necessary. 

Just trying to get across that something you take as disrespectful is not obvious to him ( in the general female / male way not the YOU you). If I hadn't made the immediate hooters - no go connection and actually suggested it for future meals 50 times I still wouldn't have felt disrespected. 

So anyway, yes I see the difference. Hell, I live the difference as my spouse has some serious dietary restrictions and choosing a place to eat out involves self-editing half the list then working down the rest collaboratively to figure out which ones might have something she can actually eat which is more substantial than a few leaves of lettuce. There is actually an Indian place which is ideal from her side, 'ok' from my side, but the service is so slow she often knocks it off the list herself.


----------



## Andy1001

anonmd said:


> Is the food good? I'd consider it, I'm a little at a loss on commenting completely because I have no idea what a Mad Mike type restaurant is. I googled it and the burgers look tasty . BTW, at the time I'd never actually been inside a hooters. Now, I did have a burger in a strip club once LOL!
> 
> I did not choose a restaurant example to pick on you in particular or for that matter because I thought your resentment at being repeatedly ignored was invalid - I understand that, and he ought to be able to figure it out. Hopefully with some direct communication on your part if necessary.
> 
> Just trying to get across that something you take as disrespectful is not obvious to him ( in the general female / male way not the YOU you). If I hadn't made the immediate hooters - no go connection and actually suggested it for future meals 50 times I still wouldn't have felt disrespected.
> 
> So anyway, yes I see the difference. Hell, I live the difference as my spouse has some serious dietary restrictions and choosing a place to eat out involves self-editing half the list then working down the rest collaboratively to figure out which ones might have something she can actually eat which is more substantial than a few leaves of lettuce. There is actually an Indian place which is ideal from her side, 'ok' from my side, but the service is so slow she often knocks it off the list herself.


Never refuse to go to a restaurant like Mad Mikes or anything similar.The girls are always dressed to the nines because of the good looking guys serving and they also get really horny by the end of the evening.
It's like being invited to a wedding as a single man,never bring a date,there always lots of single girls dressed to the nines and romance in the air.Dont bring apples to an orchard.


----------



## WilliamM

I wish I could get my wife to post. She says the darndest things, sometimes.


----------



## EleGirl

jld said:


> Or just let your wife pick the restaurants.


She would probably feel more respected if he let her pick the restaurant about half the time. That would make sense. Either of them picking it all the time is disrespectful. The message is that only his choice matters.


----------



## jld

EleGirl said:


> She would probably feel more respected if he let her pick the restaurant about half the time. That would make sense. Either of them picking it all the time is disrespectful. The message is that only his choice matters.


That is certainly another fine way of doing it. Whatever works for the couple, works.

In our case, Dug does not care where we eat, as long as we do actually eat. I am much pickier about food, so it makes sense for me to pick the restaurants.


----------



## jld

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> On those rare occasions where she's set on something I'm not really keen on, I'll usually go along. She gets so happy after a pleasurable meal, how could I deny her that? And, truth be told, there's no food on the planet that warms me like her smile and her happiness. I could toot my own horn and say how much I "respect her" by letting her choose, but the fact is letting her do so is in a way equally selfish of me as I get great satisfaction from her satisfaction.


I think my husband would say the same.


----------



## Steve1000

aine said:


> In my case it is saying he will be home at a certain time, then he comes home a few hour after that and gets mad if I am annoyed.
> Also when he gets drunk he can be mean with his words


I'm not a female, but I just want to add that I cannot imagine treating my wife in the ways your examples showed. Then again, I wouldn't treat anyone like that.


----------



## Andy1001

jld said:


> I think my husband would say the same.


You will love this @jld
How about whoever pays chooses.😜😜😜


----------



## jld

He chose me, Andy. I'll take care of the rest . . .


----------



## jld

Robbie1234 said:


> That will just lead to resentments by him,it's not resolving anything


If he goes out to eat a lot by himself, say when he is traveling, does it really matter if she chooses when they are together?

Again, is this really a hill to die on, like another poster mentioned?


----------



## Andy1001

jld said:


> He chose me, Andy. I'll take care of the rest . . .


Great comeback lol.


----------



## FeministInPink

@aine I am glad that you resurrected this thread, because I didn't read it the first time around and I'm glad I got to read it now!

Reading all of this reminds me of 1) all the reasons I'm glad I'm no longer with my XH, and 2) all the reasons Real Estate is such a great guy. Yes, he does bonehead stuff that is disrespectful sometimes, but my reaction always clues him into the fact that it was a bonehead move, and he apologizes... and learns from his bonehead moves. Yes, he sometimes does things that are disrespectful, as do I... we are both learning to be more humble with one another.


----------



## Red Sonja

Let's see ... the fact that some men on this thread are arguing against a simple statement about restaurant choices in an effort to prove that @aine's feeling of being disrespected is invalid.

Do you men also argue against your wife's feelings? Hint: To do so is *disrespect*.

:slap:


----------



## FeministInPink

Red Sonja said:


> Let's see ... the fact that some men on this thread are arguing against a simple statement about restaurant choices in an effort to prove that @aine's feeling of being disrespected is invalid.
> 
> Do you men also argue against your wife's feelings? Hint: To do so is *disrespect*.
> 
> :slap:


Agreed. Arguing with someone (telling them) that their feelings are invalid is very disrespectful and dismissive. In doing so, you are telling them that their reality isn't valid, that their feelings are of no value or importance. This is very cruel, especially coming from someone who claims to love you.


----------



## bandit.45

Good thread. I'm taking notes....


----------



## Andy1001

FeministInPink said:


> Agreed. Arguing with someone (telling them) that their feelings are invalid is very disrespectful and dismissive. In doing so, you are telling them that their reality isn't valid, that their feelings are of no value or importance. This is very cruel, especially coming from someone who claims to love you.


I assume you are including me in this statement.I sometimes have a problem getting my point across and this seems to be one such occasion.I wasn't trying to invalidate anyone's feelings and if it came across that I was dismissive or disrespectful then I apologise.What I was trying to say,in an ineffectual way obviously was if the op was picking the vegetarian restaurant purely because her husband didn't care for veg food then I thought this was kind of passive aggressive.However she explained that he enjoyed the meal so it was a moot point anyway.


----------



## FeministInPink

Andy1001 said:


> I assume you are including me in this statement.I sometimes have a problem getting my point across and this seems to be one such occasion.I wasn't trying to invalidate anyone's feelings and if it came across that I was dismissive or disrespectful then I apologise.What I was trying to say,in an ineffectual way obviously was if the op was picking the vegetarian restaurant purely because her husband didn't care for veg food then I thought this was kind of passive aggressive.However she explained that he enjoyed the meal so it was a moot point anyway.


Oh, it wasn't directed at you. I was just extrapolating on the idea in general.

I think a lot of people, of both genders, do it without thinking. It's a behavior that is very common in our (American, at least) society, and we're conditioned to it from a young age. Even people who have a good EQ will do it sometimes without thinking. American culture/society is very inward/self-focused.

I'm very sensitive to it now... or I was always sensitive to it, but in recent years I'm better able to identify this when someone does it to me. Real Estate is pretty cognizant, and makes an effort to hear me when it comes to my feelings. He's quite good at it. But even he does it, occasionally. And when he does, and I get frustrated, I blurt out, "Stop invalidating my feelings!" This causes us both to pause and consider what we are trying to communicate and how we are presenting to and hearing one another. And we usually start the conversation over with a more open mind.

That won't work for everyone, but it works for us.



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## wringo123

I think in general men and women don't define respect the same way. When I tried to explain to my husband that flirting was disrespectful to me he defended himself by telling me how much he respected "things about me"....My intelligence, my work ethic, etc. 

He just didn't get the difference , he still doesn't :-(

Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


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## aine

SimplyAmorous said:


> Now take this exchange for example ...between
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ..
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Wanted to get back to this post...Jld's husband...notice.. he didn't jump to defend what she laid out there, which wasn't so pretty ....he takes ownership, that Yeah... he's
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...he could do better.
> 
> *He respected her voice*...he weighed it's truth....Now THIS is something to work with.. Why hasn't jld built resentment or can look past these things...only she can answer this but it surely helps his taking ownership..then she is able to give him some grace....oh she may get MAD & Fume on occasion.. but then he understands just *why* this happens, then he gives her Grace.
> 
> How important, when we can acknowledge our own flaws before the other... it's a great starting point for coming closer together, working through a "disrespected" dynamic..
> 
> The other day my husband was driving... not realizing I was pushing it, becoming a back seat driver...how he missed this turn, then that one (He was just going a different way)...
> 
> He says to me ... "I need to put a seat belt on your mouth"... I laughed so hard..
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...he was right though!... my attitude & comments weren't necessary!


This is spot on SA!
Last week we were out with another couple of friends and talking about our histories. A friend's daughter wants to study in Scotland so my H was talking about the universities he applied to when a young man and the one he ended up in, (the same one as me). I jokingly said, if you had gone to XYZ we would never have met, he laughingly replied, 'perhaps that would have been a blessing' I felt hurt and offended. My friend could see it. 
When we left I called him out on it, he said he had said it as a joke but he could see how it was hurtful and he was sorry. I was glad I had done that because in the past I would have kept a record of it, and let the resentment build. His apology went along way in ensuring this did not happen.


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## aine

Andy1001 said:


> Never refuse to go to a restaurant like Mad Mikes or anything similar.The girls are always dressed to the nines because of the good looking guys serving and they also get really horny by the end of the evening.
> It's like being invited to a wedding as a single man,never bring a date,there always lots of single girls dressed to the nines and romance in the air.Dont bring apples to an orchard.



That made me chuckle, so it's a 'win win' all round! :grin2::grin2:


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## aine

FeministInPink said:


> Agreed. Arguing with someone (telling them) that their feelings are invalid is very disrespectful and dismissive. In doing so, you are telling them that their reality isn't valid, that their feelings are of no value or importance. This is very cruel, especially coming from someone who claims to love you.


Bingo! :smthumbup:


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## Betrayedone

jld said:


> Glad you enjoyed your meal, aine.
> 
> My daughter has dated two guys, both non-veg. Yet whenever they were with her, they ate veg.
> 
> When a man loves you, he accommodates you. He wants you to feel at ease with him.


I go to a vegetarian restaurant for NO ONE! It does not mean I do not love my partner but some things are out of bounds.


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## Duguesclin

EleGirl said:


> She would probably feel more respected if he let her pick the restaurant about half the time. That would make sense. Either of them picking it all the time is disrespectful. The message is that only his choice matters.


Picking the restaurant half the time can show respect for each other. However, life is rarely half and half. Because of circumstance you may have to lean on your partner more than your half and should compensate somewhere else.

There is nothing wrong for Aine to chose restaurants 100% of the time, especially when the husband claims he does not care. If he really cares, he should say so and somehow make it worthwhile to her.

I do not care about restaurants, but care deeply about cycling. I know I take more than my fair share of time to enjoy it. I am making sure it is "compensated" somehow with my wife.


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## Andy1001

Betrayedone said:


> I go to a vegetarian restaurant for NO ONE! It does not mean I do not love my partner but some things are out of bounds.


I agree wholeheartedly.I have eaten in restaurants daily for years and two types of places are off the menu.(pardon the pun).Vegetarian and sushi,no way,not a chance,I would rather starve.


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## jld

Andy1001 said:


> I agree wholeheartedly.I have eaten in restaurants daily for years and two types of places are off the menu.(pardon the pun).Vegetarian and sushi,no way,not a chance,I would rather starve.


If you do not like vegetarian restaurants, then I would say you simply have not eaten at the right one.

I_ dare _you to eat here and not love it:

Fotos | Restaurante Vegetariano Sin Gluten Sol Gran Vía


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## Satya

@aine, the policy of joint agreement would say that if you can't agree on a restaurant together, you don't go at all. 

Have you tried that? Lol. 

Honestly I'm not having a laugh at you or the situation. This reminds me of my ex H actually. He'd give me the "option" of choosing a place, then complain about what I chose until I caved and went to where HE wanted. One time, when I was fed up, I told him to stop flippin' pretending to care about my opinion, and what's the point of asking someone else to choose if you won't entertain their choice? Just don't bother asking. I'm too old for childish games!


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> If you do not like vegetarian restaurants, then I would say you simply have not eaten at the right one.
> 
> I_ dare _you to eat here and not love it:
> 
> Fotos | Restaurante Vegetariano Sin Gluten Sol Gran Vía


I have a very strange diet by some people's reckoning including my girlfriend.I don't eat seafood of any description,I don't eat eggs,tomatoes,salad,any vegetable other than potatoes or onions,I will eat cheddar cheese but no other type of cheese,I don't eat cream,yoghurt or any dairy drinks,I don't use mayonnaise or any other dressings on sandwiches.
Bringing me to a veg restaurant is a waste of time.


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## jld

Andy1001 said:


> I have a very strange diet by some people's reckoning including my girlfriend.I don't eat seafood of any description,I don't eat eggs,tomatoes,salad,any vegetable other than potatoes or onions,I will eat cheddar cheese but no other type of cheese,I don't eat cream,yoghurt or any dairy drinks,I don't use mayonnaise or any other dressings on sandwiches.
> Bringing me to a veg restaurant is a waste of time.


Sounds like any restaurant might be a waste of time for you, Andy. You eat pretty simply.

Sorry for the t/j, aine. Back to you . . .


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Satya said:


> @aine, the policy of joint agreement would say that if you can't agree on a restaurant together, you don't go at all.
> 
> Have you tried that? Lol.
> 
> Honestly I'm not having a laugh at you or the situation. This reminds me of my ex H actually. He'd give me the "option" of choosing a place, then complain about what I chose until I caved and went to where HE wanted. One time, when I was fed up, I told him to stop flippin' pretending to care about my opinion, and what's the point of asking someone else to choose if you won't entertain their choice? Just don't bother asking. I'm too old for childish games!


I like this post. 

Aine -- show him some real respect -- toss a frozen TV dinner in his lap and then you grab a pal and head out to your choice of restaurant!


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> Sounds like any restaurant might be a waste of time for you, Andy. You eat pretty simply.
> 
> Sorry for the t/j, aine. Back to you . . .


I eat out almost every lunchtime.The restaurant you recommended is in Madrid have you visited it.


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## jld

Andy1001 said:


> I eat out almost every lunchtime.The restaurant you recommended is in Madrid have you visited it.


Yes. Best veg restaurant ever.


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## NextTimeAround

Little games that my ex husband would play:

1. Commit our time to someone. Not tell me directly but wait until we are with a group of people, then he would say how we are spending that weekend.

2. When I made reference to an earlier conversation, he would inevitably ask me -- quite often with energy -- "What on earth are you talking about?"
Then I would have to recreate the conversation an explain why I am referring to it. The thing to watch is "does your spouse do that other people"......... or are they only forgetful with your conversations?


I read the book "Coercive Control." Very interesting as it shows how people / partners use "normal" behavior to manipulate someone.

Asking your partner "Is that OK" when they have already told you so.


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## NextTimeAround

My husband and I watch a lot of dramas on TV. He more closely than I. So he can predict what will happen before it does.....


On several occasions when I have tried to work through some situations with other people, I will ask him, what do you think? Inevitably he will say, "I don't know." I think it's disingenuous.


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## SimplyAmorous

Duguesclin said:


> Picking the restaurant half the time can show respect for each other. However, life is rarely half and half. Because of circumstance you may have to lean on your partner more than your half and should compensate somewhere else.
> 
> There is nothing wrong for Aine to chose restaurants 100% of the time, especially when the husband claims he does not care. If he really cares, he should say so and somehow make it worthwhile to her.
> 
> I do not care about restaurants, but care deeply about cycling. I know I take more than my fair share of time to enjoy it. I am making sure it is "compensated" somehow with my wife.


My husband could care less where we go also.. he pretty much always lets me decide...this would be seen as very Beta.. but he really "just doesn't care"...that's all it means.. in other words.. I would probably cause more grief If I wasn't happy... (to put it another way)... I have held his foot to the floor in making him throw out a place or two and I always ask how he feels about this or that and consider these things in what we do, where we go.... he appreciates that..


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## naiveonedave

Duguesclin said:


> Picking the restaurant half the time can show respect for each other. However, life is rarely half and half. Because of circumstance you may have to lean on your partner more than your half and should compensate somewhere else.
> 
> There is nothing wrong for Aine to chose restaurants 100% of the time, especially when the husband claims he does not care. If he really cares, he should say so and somehow make it worthwhile to her.
> 
> I do not care about restaurants, but care deeply about cycling. I know I take more than my fair share of time to enjoy it. I am making sure it is "compensated" somehow with my wife.


If I let my wife decide where to go out to eat, I would die of starvation before I got a menu in hand. What is respectful is knowing the places she likes and the type of food she will eat and then picking places that she does/should like.


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## jld

naiveonedave said:


> If I let my wife decide where to go out to eat, I would die of starvation before I got a menu in hand. *What is respectful is knowing the places she likes and the type of food she will eat and then picking places that she does/should like*.


It's also romantic.


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## Robbie1234

Andy1001 said:


> I have a very strange diet by some people's reckoning including my girlfriend.I don't eat seafood of any description,I don't eat eggs,tomatoes,salad,any vegetable other than potatoes or onions,I will eat cheddar cheese but no other type of cheese,I don't eat cream,yoghurt or any dairy drinks,I don't use mayonnaise or any other dressings on sandwiches.
> Bringing me to a veg restaurant is a waste of time.


Andy what do you ****ing eat! You can only have potatoes so many times until you get sick of them.And I'm Irish!


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## FeministInPink

jld said:


> naiveonedave said:
> 
> 
> 
> If I let my wife decide where to go out to eat, I would die of starvation before I got a menu in hand. * What is respectful is knowing the places she likes and the type of food she will eat and then picking places that she does/should like.*
> 
> 
> 
> It's also romantic.
Click to expand...

I agree, with both.

I need to have a conversation with Real Estate and choosing restaurants. I will have had a very long day at work, and I'll go over to his place, and he'll be like, you've had a long day and I bet you don't feel like cooking, so I'm taking you out to dinner. Where do you want to go? And I'll say, wherever you want is fine, I just want food. And he'll say, well, what kind of food do you want? And I'll say, I haven't given it any thought, I'm really fine with anything. And he'll say, no, REALLY, what do you want? And we go back and forth until we come up with a place.

When really, my brain is EXHAUSTED and I don't have the energy to make another decision, and I really don't care what we eat. When I have an opinion, you don't need to drag it out of me, I will be happy to give it to you!


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## jld

Robbie1234 said:


> Andy what do you ****ing eat! *You can only have potatoes so many times until you get sick of them*.And I'm Irish!


Not according to this guy:

Andrew Taylor loses 50 kilos in less than a year by only POTATOES | Daily Mail Online


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> Not according to this guy:
> 
> Andrew Taylor loses 50 kilos in less than a year by only POTATOES | Daily Mail Online


I don't need to lose any weight,I lost twelve pounds during Js pregnancy.(What would that diet be called if it was a book,the f plan maybe)


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## jld

Andy1001 said:


> I don't need to lose any weight,I lost twelve pounds during Js pregnancy.(What would that diet be called if it was a book,the f plan maybe)


What I meant was that even after a year of eating just potatoes, Andrew Taylor still plans to eat them regularly. Iow, he did not get sick of them.


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## Andy1001

FeministInPink said:


> I agree, with both.
> 
> I need to have a conversation with Real Estate and choosing restaurants. I will have had a very long day at work, and I'll go over to his place, and he'll be like, you've had a long day and I bet you don't feel like cooking, so I'm taking you out to dinner. Where do you want to go? And I'll say, wherever you want is fine, I just want food. And he'll say, well, what kind of food do you want? And I'll say, I haven't given it any thought, I'm really fine with anything. And he'll say, no, REALLY, what do you want? And we go back and forth until we come up with a place.
> 
> When really, my brain is EXHAUSTED and I don't have the energy to make another decision, and I really don't care what we eat. When I have an opinion, you don't need to drag it out of me, I will be happy to give it to you!


I am in the enviable position of having a lot of leisure time,my work week lasts no more than ten hours.My gf an I eat lunch together every day and we have probably eaten in hundreds of different restaurants.Her only demand is that they serve salad,nothing any more demanding than that.I think I might keep her lol.


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> What I meant was that even after a year of eating just potatoes, Andrew Taylor still plans to eat them regularly. Iow, he did not get sick of them.


There is something else you can make from potatoes.Have you ever heard of uisce beatha.The type made from potatoes is called poitin.
Great stuff if you have a cold.


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## jld

Andy1001 said:


> There is something else you can make from potatoes.Have you ever heard of uisce beatha.The type made from potatoes is called poitin.
> Great stuff if you have a cold.


_"Uisce beatha (Irish pronunciation: [ˈɪʃcə ˈbʲahə]) is the name for whiskey in Irish. The equivalent in Scottish Gaelic is rendered uisge-beatha."_


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> _"Uisce beatha (Irish pronunciation: [ˈɪʃcə ˈbʲahə]) is the name for whiskey in Irish. The equivalent in Scottish Gaelic is rendered uisge-beatha."_


The type I'm talking about is illegally distilled.It can be very strong and can stay in your system for a lot longer than ordinary whiskey.I would think every house in Ireland has a bottle of it somewhere.


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## aine

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I like this post.
> 
> Aine -- show him some real respect -- toss a frozen TV dinner in his lap and then you grab a pal and head out to your choice of restaurant!


:grin2: That sometimes happens too! To be fair to him, he has no problems with me going out with my friends for dinner and leaving him home. 
I think he does it without thinking tbh, it has just become a habit and I have allowed it. In fact I have allowed a lot of stuff cause I never created boundaries. As we are working on building a 'new marriage' in effect, I want to establish boundaries and ensure my voice is heard. If that makes sense.


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## EleGirl

Boy did this thread go off the deep end into a huge thread jack. Talk about not showing the OP and wives respect!


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## aine

EleGirl said:


> Boy did this thread go off the deep end into a huge thread jack. Talk about not showing the OP and wives respect!


LOL, but interesting stuff (esp about the poitín (potcheen) , I used to hear stories from my great grandfather on how they would hide the distillation apparatus in the woods!)


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## Openminded

My ex-husband would ask where I wanted to eat and then complain about my suggestion or -- worse -- go where I wanted and then complain about the food. Always. Eventually I stopped making suggestions and just went along with wherever he wanted to eat because it was the easier path. I would never do that again.


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## Andy1001

aine said:


> LOL, but interesting stuff (esp about the poitín (potcheen) , I used to hear stories from my great grandfather on how they would hide the distillation apparatus in the woods!)


If you ever happen to get your hands on a bottle of poitin there is a test that the experts recommend.Pour a small amount onto a teaspoon and set it alight,if the flame is blue then it is ok to drink,if there is any yellow in the flame then don't drink it.People use it for baking cakes and also traditional Christmas pudding.


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## _anonymous_

My wife feels disrespected if I choose to spend time away from her, soon after she gets home from work. She's vocalized many times before that after not having seen me all day, she expects me to spend time with her when she steps through the door and not busy myself with other things. So, when I happen to do anything else but sitting next to her on the couch and listening to her when she comes home, it is taken as my neglect of what's important to her and how she feels.

The interesting thing about this is that she never realizes how she's disrespecting me. For example, I find it highly disrespectful that she comes home from work, immediately turns on the TV to watch her Latin shows (in Spanish, which I don't speak), and either surfs the web while intermittently talking to me about her day, or alternatively, while saying a great deal to me about some vexing development at work. There is little inquiry about my day (beyond "How was your day?"), far more talk about her and only her, and potentially long periods of no conversation where she's watching TV shows that I don't understand. Yet, if I don't tolerate this, I'm the one being disrespectful. We've talked about how we feel respectively on this matter, and it has yet to change.

Given the combination of my wife's expectations and my poor attitude (resulting from her not understanding me, and not reciprocating respect), I do wonder if the same dynamic goes on in other relationships. It's almost like I've come to view my marriage as a very transactional thing, where generally I pay attention to my wife's feelings insofar as she's attentive to mine. I'm not justifying my behavior; it's non-ideal, wrong, and leads nowhere good in a marriage. But again, I do wonder if husbands are sometimes disrespectful to their wives, out of an apathy that stems from they themselves feeling disrespected?


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## Andy1001

_anonymous_ said:


> My wife feels disrespected if I choose to spend time away from her, soon after she gets home from work. She's vocalized many times before that after not having seen me all day, she expects me to spend time with her when she steps through the door and not busy myself with other things. So, when I happen to do anything else but sitting next to her on the couch and listening to her when she comes home, it is taken as my neglect of what's important to her and how she feels.
> 
> The interesting thing about this is that she never realizes how she's disrespecting me. For example, I find it highly disrespectful that she comes home from work, immediately turns on the TV to watch her Latin shows (in Spanish, which I don't speak), and either surfs the web while intermittently talking to me about her day, or alternatively, while saying a great deal to me about some vexing development at work. There is little inquiry about my day (beyond "How was your day?"), far more talk about her and only her, and potentially long periods of no conversation where she's watching TV shows that I don't understand. Yet, if I don't tolerate this, I'm the one being disrespectful. We've talked about how we feel respectively on this matter, and it has yet to change.
> 
> Given the combination of my wife's expectations and my poor attitude (resulting from her not understanding me, and not reciprocating respect), I do wonder if the same dynamic goes on in other relationships. It's almost like I've come to view my marriage as a very transactional thing, where generally I pay attention to my wife's feelings insofar as she's attentive to mine. I'm not justifying my behavior; it's non-ideal, wrong, and leads nowhere good in a marriage. But again, I do wonder if husbands are sometimes disrespectful to their wives, out of an apathy that stems from they themselves feeling disrespected?


I wouldn't normally give anyone advice on their marriage but this situation is ridiculous and you are very foolish to put up with it.The next time she comes home and wants you to talk with her insist the tv stays off and her phone stays off also.Tell her you are happy to discuss both your days but not with any distractions.
I have left restaurants twice in my life because my date was on her phone.On both occasions they complained that the food was cold,this was after spending at least ten minutes taking pictures of the food and loading them on to Facebook,instagram etc.I just got up,paid at the counter for what we had eaten and left.
This thread is about respect and if you don't respect yourself then don't expect anyone else to.


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## _anonymous_

Andy1001 said:


> I wouldn't normally give anyone advice on their marriage but this situation is ridiculous and you are very foolish to put up with it.The next time she comes home and wants you to talk with her insist the tv stays off and her phone stays off also.Tell her you are happy to discuss both your days but not with any distractions.
> I have left restaurants twice in my life because my date was on her phone.On both occasions they complained that the food was cold,this was after spending at least ten minutes taking pictures of the food and loading them on to Facebook,instagram etc.I just got up,paid at the counter for what we had eaten and left.
> This thread is about respect and if you don't respect yourself then don't expect anyone else to.


Appreciate your opinion, even though you're going off of limited facts from my post. Realize that generally speaking, marriage is about some tolerance of situations one might not necessarily like. 

If my wife wants to turn on TV when she gets home from work (say, after we've talked without TV for maybe 10-15 minutes) that's fine. I'll not deprive her of what she needs to relax. I may not stick around for her Latin show everyday, but she wants to watch it. I don't think a healthy marriage is anything like your dating relationships, where it seems you've acted on unilateral terms with your dates. 

I've clearly gotten into hot water with my wife over doing "other stuff" in the above circumstances. In this, sometimes I've not tolerated a situation that I don't prefer. This, to some extent, reflects that I've grown calloused about whether my wife feels disrespected or not. Not good; I'm trying to improve it. If I'm calloused to disrespecting my wife, she will surely feel the same for me.

This whole thread is helpful; it gives us onlooker men some clue about how women feel disrespected and how those negative feelings manifest themselves in the relationship. Men should come to the Women's Lounge to learn, not argue with each other, so let's not do this! If you have more thoughts on my situation, feel free to PM me.


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## wringo123

My husband is the slowest eater. Meals to him are an "experience". I would usually just as soon eat a Bologna sandwich standing in front of the sink. It's not an exaggeration to say I am often done eating before he is even done arranging his food and utensils at the table, yet he feels disrespected if I don't sit there with him at the dinner table even though I finished eating 20 minutes ago. 

And it's not just me. We can be out with a dozen people eating at a restaurant and he doesn't even notice everyone else finished 20 minutes ago and we are all just sitting there waiting on him. It's weird .

Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


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## jld

wringo123 said:


> My husband is the slowest eater. Meals to him are an "experience". I would usually just as soon eat a Bologna sandwich standing in front of the sink. It's not an exaggeration to say I am often done eating before he is even done arranging his food and utensils at the table, yet he feels disrespected if I don't sit there with him at the dinner table even though I finished eating 20 minutes ago.
> 
> And it's not just me. We can be out with a dozen people eating at a restaurant and he doesn't even notice everyone else finished 20 minutes ago and we are all just sitting there waiting on him. It's weird .
> 
> Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


Is he French?


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## FeministInPink

wringo123 said:


> My husband is the slowest eater. Meals to him are an "experience". I would usually just as soon eat a Bologna sandwich standing in front of the sink. It's not an exaggeration to say I am often done eating before he is even done arranging his food and utensils at the table, yet he feels disrespected if I don't sit there with him at the dinner table even though I finished eating 20 minutes ago.
> 
> And it's not just me. We can be out with a dozen people eating at a restaurant and he doesn't even notice everyone else finished 20 minutes ago and we are all just sitting there waiting on him. It's weird .
> 
> Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


I'm like your husband. I love food, and I want to savor every morsel. So it takes me a very long time to eat. I've been this way since I was a child, and there's no changing it. (Although I'm not like your husband with getting everything in the right place before I can eat.)

Luckily, my guy thinks it's adorable.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001

FeministInPink said:


> I'm like your husband. I love food, and I want to savor every morsel. So it takes me a very long time to eat. I've been this way since I was a child, and there's no changing it. (Although I'm not like your husband with getting everything in the right place before I can eat.)
> 
> Luckily, my guy thinks it's adorable.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I had a girlfriend in London years ago and she had a very strange way of eating.She ate every meal one ingredient at a time.If we were having a roast dinner she would eat her potatoes first,then her peas then carrots or whatever veg was on the plate and then the meat.No two ingredients were eaten at the same time.She thrived on it though,she was extremely fit.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Andy1001 said:


> I had a girlfriend in London years ago and she had a very strange way of eating.She ate every meal one ingredient at a time.If we were having a roast dinner she would eat her potatoes first,then her peas then carrots or whatever veg was on the plate and then the meat.No two ingredients were eaten at the same time.She thrived on it though,she was extremely fit.


I did the same thing for a number of years. I recently went back to mixing it up.

I have no idea why.


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## NextTimeAround

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I did the same thing for a number of years. I recently went back to mixing it up.
> 
> I have no idea why.


There are books devoted to that method of eating. Some people say it is effective in managing weight.


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## Joey2k

Andy1001 said:


> I had a girlfriend in London years ago and she had a very strange way of eating.She ate every meal one ingredient at a time.If we were having a roast dinner she would eat her potatoes first,then her peas then carrots or whatever veg was on the plate and then the meat.No two ingredients were eaten at the same time.She thrived on it though,she was extremely fit.


Why is that strange? It seems to me like not doing that, jumping back and forth between items on your plate, would be stranger.

But neither way is really worth making a big deal about I suppose.


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## wringo123

FeministInPink said:


> I'm like your husband. I love food, and I want to savor every morsel. So it takes me a very long time to eat. I've been this way since I was a child, and there's no changing it. (Although I'm not like your husband with getting everything in the right place before I can eat.)
> 
> Luckily, my guy thinks it's adorable.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


In the big picture, its not a big deal. And I do understand him wanting me to stay at the table. Mealtimes should be quality time.


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