# What advice would you give to a young man.



## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Whats up guys, and ladies  .. Im 23, now really trying to get out there and live life after some mistakes and wasteful years. I was just thinking about how absolouetly clueless i am of so many things, women, dating, sex, relationships, money, jobs and life on the whole. i never had dad or uncles to give me a talk or the dos and donts of life, pretty much figured out what i had to to get by where i am. the only male influences i had were all negatives, at least i knew what not to do. Just been wandering like a lost puppy for quite some time, and im looking for a change in my life so bad right now, just depressing the way things are im really unhappy. Im hoping 2017 would bring a change to all of that.

So here i am. Asking all of you. what advice would you give to a guy whos a bit lost and confused and now trying to get out there. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Read "Hold On To Your N.U.T.'s" by Wayne Levine.

I wish someone would have handed that book to me at age 23.

It is about identifying what matters to you in life, and then then making your decisions based upon that, especially with women.

Trust me; get that book.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

#1. Get in shape. Do you exercise?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Join the military. The Air Force if you can get in.

Make them train you for a real job, when and if you get out, after 4 to 6 years.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*First off, don't continue to beat yourself up! Secondly, the vast majority of girls that you haven't yet met or socialized with are probably just as scared about meeting you as you are of them! Lastly, don't put on aires or come across as being overly macho! Just be yourself! And always have fun!

A woman will adore your individuality and uniqueness far more than anything else in the world!*


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Be yourself, be kind to others. Be sincere to women. At this stage of your young life it's easy to think that the world revolves around you. As you get older you realize that it does not and you begin to wonder what difference you have made during your time on earth. Try to act as though you want to leave a positive legacy. I frequently think about the things I have done during my life that I am not proud of......cheated or deceived someone I was selling something to, didn't say anything about getting charged less than I should have at a restaurant, saw someone drop money and didn't say anything to them.......You get the idea. These are things that I am not proud of and I have never forgiven myself for doing them. Pay attention to this........"If you always try to do the right thing you will never have anything to be ashamed of....Even if you fail, it's ok.....At least TRY." That is the best advice I can offer you........Continue to ask questions here, you will get sound advice.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Be humble.......Hang around with people smarter than you----They will lift you to their level. Look people in the eyes when you talk to them....Use proper language and minimize swearing, it's the sign of laziness and low class, dammit! NEVER, EVER, LIE!


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

My advice would be to live YOUR life, not the one anyone else tells you to. You are young and are only responsible for yourself. Now is the time to explore the world and yourself and to figure out who you are and what you want to be.


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## weltschmerz (Feb 18, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> Join the military. The Air Force if you can get in.
> 
> Make them train you for a real job, when and if you get out, after 4 to 6 years.


This excellent advice and I highly recommend it. I'd suggest the army even though I was with the navy. If you have a degree, apply for a short service commission (SSC).

I could make a laundry list of advantages but I'll list a few here

1. Discipline and direction

2. Friends for life. I'm talking about guys who would literally take a bullet for you.

3. Travel....this, my friend, is the number one reason for most of us lads. In that case, you should join the navy.

4. Every other job after that gets broken down into a series of assignments/ missions /objectives. You do not even have to consciously try to organize your life. Improved efficiency means improved productivity.

The biggest con was missing my family. This was especially hard for me considering that I was a mummy's boy.

That said, if you're artistically inclined, I'd say pursue your passion no matter how hard or how tough it gets monetarily or otherwise.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Really look at who your surround yourself with. Association is a huge indicator of who you are (or aren't). If those you gravitate towards are losers, remove them from your life. Replace them with better associates. To get better quality friends, you also need to BE a quality friend.

If you have family members that are exemplary, talk to them about your goals, the changes you want to make, and then put forth a big effort to spend more time with them. 

Continue toward your goals of becoming an officer and having better health. Lots of the improvements that a person can make are from the inside out though. Don't let your determination fade with other New Years resolutions. Change for the better permanently, expect setbacks and overcome them and keep moving forward. You are very young, you can change SO much at this age.

Wishing you happiness and success.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

The biggest mistake I see people make, especially young people, is they have no plan. You want 2017 to be better you say, what steps are you making to have that happen. Making a plan, or a goal, helps you set boundrys and gives direction for yourself. This is how successful people operate. They make the goal then make a plan how to achieve it giving themselves tasks and timelines. Realistic timelines is key.

And at 23 your goals may change and that's ok but be working toward something.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

No one owes you anything, remember that and act accordingly.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Great advice so far!

Yes - focus on personal integrity and personal accountability. These are the cornerstones of character.

Personal integrity means being true to who you are, even when it's difficult. Be honest. Tell the truth even when people don't want to hear it and even if it prevents your advancement at work. Don't let others force you into a lie. People try this all the time - little white lies that they say in your presence - if you say nothing you are complicit and YOU become a liar. Instead, with tact, correct the statement and clear the air. "That's not how I see it." "I never heard that, and in fact, here's what I heard..."

All ****roaches scurry away when the light is shown upon them. The truth is the light. Always expose the truth, without malice, and objectively. Don't EVER accept blame for being truthful. Defend yourself and your honor. "I'm not the bad guy here for telling the truth. Here are the facts." Assume others are mistaken and not intentionally lying - then your version can be heard because you have no ax to grind.

With regard to personal accountability - that means accepting that your mistakes may cost you. It doesn't mean confessing crimes to the police - always hire a lawyer and let them advise. But for everything else - all the little things in life - accept consequences. Often weak people will lie or withhold the truth to avoid consequences. They'll go along with bad acts - personal or company policy - to avoid reprisal. IMO - it's never worth it to damage your self respect and reputation by being weak and avoiding negative consequences.

Finally - search for the win-win. Nothing motivates duplicitous and low character people like winning and feeling like they put one over in you. Let them believe they've won if it achieves your (ethical) goals. And good people, of course, will accept the win-win and want to work with you in the future. Win-win requires a learned ability to see through the eyes of others what motivates them and what they want. It's related to empathy but isn't the same thing. I use wi -win strategies to make up for lower empathy than many of the females (and a few sensitive males) in my life. To me, empathy is the same thing but without reason or logic. Just pure feeling through someone else. Add reason and motivation - put yourself in their shoes - and you will do well in life.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Personal said:


> No one owes you anything, remember that and act accordingly.


This. 

Particularly as it relates to women.....you aren't entitled to the women you want. They have agency just like you, so look for one you want that also wants you and make sure you offer something reasonable for what you seek. 

Example: if you want a fit woman be fit yourself.

And please do not think that porn is an accurate representative of a sexual relationship. Most of the women in porn don't like it and get nothing out of it, they're paid and drugged up to fake it.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Get into a trade school. Electrician, mechanic, plumbing, heating/AC. These are jobs that are always in demand. Get established financially first.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Good advice so far... here's some more.

Learn to safe and handle money. Here are some books and links to help you do that.



The Automatic Millionaire, Expanded and Updated: A Powerful One-Step Plan to Live and Finish Rich 
by David Bach 

The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Never take the easy way out. 
Have some ambition. 
Have a plan. 
Observe successful people and their habits. 
Find a mentor.


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## Hellomynameis (Dec 16, 2016)

Join AmeriCorps or the Peace Corps. Learn more about yourself while helping others.

Don't get married until you've grown up enough to know what you want out of a long term relationship.

If you don't like her parents, don't marry her, because they're a package deal. This is the biggest piece of advice I wish someone had given me.

Always practice safe sex! 😉


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Become and orthodontist and get a damn good prenup. That's all you really need to know.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Learn Spanish and emigrate to a less misandrist country.

That's what I would do if I were a young man.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

The Bruce Jenner True Hollywood Story


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## bojangles (Oct 11, 2016)

I'd say become a family law attorney but that involves a ton of debt for most people. 

Avoid debt, it limits your freedom. 

Floss daily.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Bananapeel said:


> Become and orthodontist and *get a damn good prenup.* That's all you really need to know.


Agreed.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

bojangles said:


> I'd say become a family law attorney but that involves a ton of debt for most people.
> 
> Avoid debt, it limits your freedom.
> 
> Floss daily.


Seriously! Debt is the Devil and flossing is something so many let lapse in their 20's and 30's only to have serious expensive and painful dental problems in their 40's and 50's.

Also, understand that you are only 23. Your brain will not be fully developed for somewhere around 2 more years. Factor that into your decision making process.

Live like you're playing chess. Always be thinking at least a few moves ahead.

Have clear goals and a realistic plan to reach them.

Sleep won't be as much of an option in the future as it is now. Use your youthful energy to work hard and play hard. 

Read. Big brains are sexy.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Dating: Spend time with women who make you happy and who you make happy. Avoid women who make you unhappy. Its amazing how many people fail to do this.

Jobs: Find a career that pays well enough to support the sort of life you want, AND which you enjoy.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy
Read The 5 Love Languages to understand what other people may want in a relationship.
Even after you have a gf/wife, continue to chase her.
Avoid debt.
Don't be obsessive, but work out & try to be fit, even if your gf/wife says it's not important - SHE'S LYING!
Don't put your SO on a pedestal, they will screw up & have the potential to hurt you deeply.

BEFORE getting married, if there are any kinks you either want or hate, make sure you discuss with your SO. ASK if they have any desires or dislikes in bed. Better to find out BEFORE you get married.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

If—

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

-Kipling-


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## Dulsura (Dec 8, 2016)

Find an older woman who will turn you into a man.

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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Be careful with female friends. If you're friends with any women keep them at arms length. Don't take their advice on dating neither in general nor about anyone in particular. My husband's "friend" advised him to drop me. 

Arms length means:
1. No daily social media messaging.
2. No letting them spend the night at your place.
3. No letting them expect you to pick up the tab.
4. If she gets jealous about your dating someone else, gives you advice about that relationship, in any way causes you problems ie late to a date; gossip going around, and so on, get rid of her.

5. Maintain more than one social circle so you are never dependent on one person for your social life.


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## Jonny Be Confused (Jan 15, 2016)

Never stop learning. Always have a good book, not just fiction either, financial, self help, marriage, fitness, investing etc.

Say no to consumer debt, it is a nightmare and once you get buried so far it becomes very hard to get out from under.

Get on a strict budget that you follow and start investing yesterday, even if it is only $100 a month.

Study and learn as much as you can about the major personality disorders and how to spot red flags or to understand and work on fixing your own issues.

Lean all these things now, not after many years like most of us


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Absolutely invest in yourself first. No matter how little you earn, adjust your spending to ensure you live within your means AND provide long term savings. If you land a really well paying job, realize it could be temporary and instead of increasing your spending, increase your savings.

Then when you have a family you have options. Savings means options and a safety net. It can also mean a happy marriage because money is one key thing that leads to marital issues.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Absolutely invest in yourself first.


Nicely said. 

Op - Invest in yourself: financially, emotionally, and humanely. Seek out the delicate balance between intellect and emotion. Strive to be forgiving yet strong in character; to be tough-minded and tender-hearted. 

I'm not a spiritual man at all, but Martin Luther King's sermon on being of Tough Mind and Tender Heartedness discusses how we should think shrewdly yet with a loving spirit is priceless wisdom. 

It's worth reading. Let me know if you're interested and can't find it. I'll get you a copy.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Hey all thanks for all the replies. youd be surprised how many times i read this over. got some books already too. really appreciate it.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> #1. Get in shape. Do you exercise?


I didnt use to for about 2 years, i now started again. makes a huge difference in the way i feel.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Spicy said:


> Really look at who your surround yourself with. Association is a huge indicator of who you are (or aren't). If those you gravitate towards are losers, remove them from your life. Replace them with better associates. To get better quality friends, you also need to BE a quality friend.
> 
> If you have family members that are exemplary, talk to them about your goals, the changes you want to make, and then put forth a big effort to spend more time with them.
> 
> ...



Thank you  .. wishing you the same


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Haiku said:


> Nicely said.
> 
> Op - Invest in yourself: financially, emotionally, and humanely. Seek out the delicate balance between intellect and emotion. Strive to be forgiving yet strong in character; to be tough-minded and tender-hearted.
> 
> ...



Hey thanks. i just got it on pdf. looks really interesting.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> This.
> 
> Particularly as it relates to women.....you aren't entitled to the women you want. They have agency just like you, so look for one you want that also wants you and make sure you offer something reasonable for what you seek.
> 
> ...


 A wise young man will stay away from porn.


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## reboot (Oct 9, 2012)

Become a man before you become a husband and a father. Break yourself in character-wise by major challenges that push you beyond your limits (as parenthood will do). So Peace Corp, military, overseas charitable work, etc. I mean blood, sweat and tears. This won't come naturally and most people need coercion to do it, so join something that makes you do it if you have to.

This way when you do decide to marry and have kids you'll be that much more certain about it, and that much more prepared for the crucible. You will already know what you are made of and capable of owning these life-altering commitments.

Also, don't marry a mentally unstable woman, especially if you are mentally unstable.  Mental illness runs in families despite their best intentions. These sick women are often the most exciting in your head and in your bed.

Do you like her parents? Do they seem like solid, honest people? Good breeding covers a multitude of sins, and remember your kids are going to get a lot of her DNA.

Don't try to fix people. I tried for most of my life and failed miserably. They remind me of my failure daily. If I had spent 1/4 of the time fixing myself as I did fixing other people, I would be more successful and happier. This doesn't mean you can avoid the often burdensome responsibilities of family and friendship, but establish just boundaries for yourself and firmly enforce them until it becomes second-nature.

Don't wait for the golden years. I have seen some of the best people struck down by diseases like early Alzheimer's and cancer. I've also seem some of the worst people living bitterly into their 90s.

You only have one life to live, so live full tilt and to the hilt. Visit graveyards if you get lazy, so as to remind yourself how short and precious this life is.

Trust me, you don't want to be almost 50 years old realizing you failed to take this advice.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

2inthemorning said:


> Hey thanks. i just got it on pdf. looks really interesting.


I could not find a PDF of his sermon. I'm glad you did. But just in case here is a link to the complete text. 

https://thevalueofsparrows.com/2014...-and-a-tender-heart-by-martin-luther-king-jr/

I pasted some excerpts below. Sorry for its length. 



> A Tough Mind And A Tender Heart, by Martin Luther King, Jr.
> 
> A French philosopher said, “No man is strong unless he bears within his character antitheses strongly marked.” The strong man holds in a living blend strongly marked opposites. Not ordinarily do men achieve this balance of opposites. The idealists are not usually realistic, and the realists are not usually idealistic. The militant are not generally known to be passive, nor the passive to be militant. Seldom are the humble self-assertive, or the self-assertive humble. But life at its best is a creative synthesis of opposites in fruitful harmony.
> 
> ...


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Haiku said:


> I could not find a PDF of his sermon. I'm glad you did. But just in case here is a link to the complete text.
> 
> https://thevalueofsparrows.com/2014...-and-a-tender-heart-by-martin-luther-king-jr/
> 
> I pasted some excerpts below. Sorry for its length.



Thats ok man thanks for going through the trouble i appreciate it. I got it with google lol. but i will use yours.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Find your self worth from your character, your honor, from doing the right thing. This is the only thing you have complete control over, and if you do this it will keep you from doing wrong. It will give you great confidence. it also has the added benefit of allowing you to do the right thing for selfish reasons, so it is not hard to do the right thing then in this context. 

Nothing good in life comes easy. Hard work is one of the most important keys to success. 

Most great things in life take risk. Everyone has fear, successful people just learn how to control it. 

The quickest way to have women interested in you is to forget about women and work on yourself. Develop yourself as a well rounded person. 

For instance figure out the things you do well and then develop these skills. They will give you confidence and then that confidence will make you attractive. 

Learn how to hold a conversation. Part of this is learning to listen and also knowing things so you will have something to say about them. Always be learning. If you don't know how to talk look on the internet, or ask people who you trust that do. The biggest key though is actually caring what is being said to you. 

Then when you date realize that this is like shopping. Don't just settle, date lots of women and figure out what kind of people you like and what kind of people you fit with. Don't set your sites on any woman like she is the only one out there. The idea that there is one person who is a soulmate for you is a fallacy and a harmful one at that. 

For your marriage. 

Realize that when they say we men are to be our wives provider that doesn't just mean financially. It also means emotionally to some extent. If you want to be a good husband, start learning how to do that now. Read books, read these threads. Ask people who have good marriages how to do it. Just asking this question here is a good start. 

If you find the right women, give yourself to her without any expectations (besides her respecting and treating you with honor). The right woman will do the same for you. 

Most importantly never let anyone whoever they are treat you with disrespect or abuse. Be strong enough to cut them off it they do. No human being is worth your honor. 

Finally enjoy being young (you only get to be once). Don't be afraid of the unknown, embrace the possibilities.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Keep arms length with your parents.

This does not preclude your helping them out when they need it.

However, showing sooner rather later your independence will minimise any desire to meddle in your life; to tell you how to live; to choose your partners and so on.

Remember also that the world has changed so quickly since they were your age, that even though they might mean well, there is a lot they don't know, they don't understand and they will refuse to admit it.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Every step you make should be along a path to a desired goal. Regarding your profession, take jobs that will boost your CV or resume. Don't just work some place because it seems fun. 

As far as relationships... This too can be with a goal in mind, but should be more fluid and adaptable. If your goal is to have a wife and family, then date women that are into that as a goal/dream as well. Even though you may not end up with them, the experience will be rewarding. The right relationship should not be work, but you can make it a goal to be a great husband to your wife and a great father to your children. 

Regarding finances... Don't throw away your money, but do have some fun. Do you want to eventually own a house? If so, think about putting away some funds for an eventual down payment. But, you may want to wait until your professional life is secure before settling down. 

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## ChipperE (Nov 16, 2016)

Save money! Have a % of each paycheck put into a savings account (a small amount that you won't miss) and don't touch it! That's first and foremost. Second, pay your bills on time and try not to get into debt. Third, get an education and a job that you LOVE. Fourth, live the kind of life that you would be proud to talk about- go on adventures, vacations, anything that gets you excited and smiling. Positive and ambitious men are so attractive! On your first date with a woman do something that will make her laugh! Race go-karts, go to the fair, something silly and fun. If she can't dig it then she's not the kind of partner who you want to invite on your adventures. Set goals! Attain them. Exercise and don't smoke. Drink in moderation but enjoy it when you do- learn to mix c o c k tails and cook and host your friends. Enjoy your life!!


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