# New Here Needing Some Advise



## shesgone (Feb 4, 2011)

OK a little history first. Im 30 she is 32, Married for 10 years in July, She has a child from previous marriage, I have been his DADDY since he was 13 months old, hasn't seen father since. We also have a 8 year old girl. Both are great kids, I have been wanting to adopt her son for 8 years, we always talk about it, but for some reason it never happens. 

When we first got together I had lots of money from living frugally through HS and College, we spent over $100k for 2 years living the big life, not drugs or alchohol just living way above our means. The money ran out, we got through it perfectly, she started working, everything was perfect for 5-6 years. We never had a fight, and I mean NEVER. I gave her family money because they were broke, because they didn't manage their money right. I paid all their bills for 3 years I was probably the most gullible easiest person to get along with you would ever meet. 

2 years ago tomorrow. She says "I want to go to Massage School" Well I have a sister in massage therapy and she hates it, I asked why and that is when all hell broke loose. 2 days later she moved out. We talked and worked through the problems. and she moved back in after 3 months. Everything was fine again. She said she was wanting to go to nursing school, and I agreed to it, we came up with a budget and she said it was worth the sacrifices she would have to make. That lasted for about 3 days before she started back on here normal everyday shopping and eating out with friends everyday at work. 
I question her about the money and she says its ridiculous to have to sacrifice anything to go to school or have her Mommy Makeover Surgery. Everyday she is in a different world, wanting to go to a different school, different job, or some other off the wall BS. She has spent all our savings, everything I do is wrong, and yesterday I walk in and she says she wants a DIVORCE. I am caught off gaurd, and at a loss at to why. 

Before you all say it, no I am not mean, I am a great father, I don't drink, don't go out, don't do anythign but take care of my children and wife. Everyone that knows us says I am the best husband and father they have ever seen, I cook, I clean, I give her EVERYTHING she wants that I can afford, I just really try my best to make her happy. She says I could make more money and it is true I could, but I work for a company my father owns and will inherit all of it one day. 
Nothing is ever enough for her. If I gave her the world on a Gold platter she would expect more.
I just don't know what to do. 
Day before yesterday she said she wanted a divorce, and yesterday she said she didn't. I am as lost as I can ever imagine anyone being. 
I am begaining to save me some cash up for the inevitable I suppose. I tried to get her to go see a doctor for her mood swings but she won't, everyday she is in another far fetched place.

Let me add this. She did say "you are not the man I married anymore, will you ever not worry any more?" I said NO, I have too much responsibility now to not worry anymore. I have told her before I will not go back to being broke again, having to worry about how to buy groceries. WE have children to worry about supporting, we can't just blow every penny we get in.


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## Vienna11 (Feb 2, 2011)

I think my wife shares some things in common with yours, they both want to do grand things for themselves but they don't realize the work and sacrifices it will take. Honestly, it seems like she was raised in an atmosphere of poor financial management.

Has she said why she wants a divorce?

You might want to consider seperating for a while so she can realize just how difficult it is to support a family. Maybe that's why she came back after only 3 months; she found out it was impossible to live the way she wants and came running back so you could take care of her again.

I don't like giving advice that could result in the end of a marriage, but if she doesn't appreciate how much you provide and sacrifice for her, you may have to go down that road.


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## shesgone (Feb 4, 2011)

She said I am not the same person she married. She says I am an A$$HOLE, but everyone we know and even all her friends tell her "If you leave him I want him" when I say I do everything I can I mean EVERYTHING I can reasonably do. 

I believe it is a mental problem in all honesty. Bipolar? ADD? JUST PLAIN LOONEY? 

ALL I KNOW IS I AM LOST.

In a way I am, when we got together I had $200k in the bank, from a relative and working through high school. We blew through that in 2 years, and then had our daughter. I realized at that point it was time to GROW UP, and be resposible. I mean sooner or later everyone has to prioritize responsibilities right? 
Money is the only aspect of life in which I am different. I still give her flowers, take her places (my parents watch my kids whenever we ask them to), Buy her jewelry, show up at work and take her to lunch, and give her everthing she wants within reason. I cannot afford to be off work a week at a time like I used to be able to. I mean its like she just has no clue what its like to be an adult and have responsibilities. 

When she left last time she didn't support a family. 
"I KEPT OUR DAUGHTER AND HER SON FOR 3 MONTHS BY MYSELF. EVERY SINGLE DAY EXCEPT FOR ONE 37 HOUR PERIOD."

I have kept up with all of this to a T. I have logs of when and where everything that has happened. 

She is a paralegal and has many attorneys to get advise from.


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## Vienna11 (Feb 2, 2011)

I know what you mean, my wife suffers from ADHD/depression and has almost the exact same problems with immaturaty and money management. Medication might curb the behavior, but the tendencies will still be there; counseling might be necessary. I know that's not exactly good news for someone trying to walk a financial tightrope, but there it is.

Tread carefully if she is or has friends that know law, but I'd say to keep up with those logs. It also certainly wouldn't hurt to talk to an attorney yourself so you have a defense if she pulls out the legal guns.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

She's trained you well. You are doing a nice job of enabling her bad behavior. 

Maybe you should try REALLY cutting her off and see where she's at. Sounds like she needs to grow up. Stop being her daddy and become a husband.


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## shesgone (Feb 4, 2011)

Freak on a leash, I fear you are right. 
Since we have met I have giver her everything she wants, I swear I thought at some point she would grow up. 
Apparently some people just never grow up and actually realize that childrens needs are more important than her own wants. 

Let me tell you all this, and how back and forth she really is. 

Tuesday, she wants a divorce. Wendsday she doesn't, Thursday she gives me paperwork to fill out for her to go to college, I tell her NO. 
Saturday she brings me paper on a house she wants to go look and and make an offer on. UGH, I DON"T THINK SO.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Your wife is miserably unhappy inside. She's looking for "stuff" to fill the void; a new house, a new career, and (it appears to me) a new man.

She is never going to be happy with you, but her unhapiness doesn't actually have much to do with you. If you walk and she gloms onto another guy, she won't be happy with him either.

It's called "projection" and she's projecting her own inner turmoil, self-dissatisfaction, and emotional issues on you. So you get the fallout from all her problems.

You may want to consider getting into some serious counseling for yourself, seeing a good attorney, and getting your ducks in a row. You can remain in the role of doormat or you can learn to set boundaries. If she wants to throw a tantrum, let her. If she wants to walk, show her the way to the door.

What you are describing is not a marriage; it's caring for, and maintaining, the lifestyle of a spoiled child.


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## shesgone (Feb 4, 2011)

Prodigal, I believe you have hit the nail on the head. 
I have talked with an attorney, I am taking notes on everything she does, and try to document every time she changes her mind. She flat out admitted the other day that she is not happy with her life and takes it out on me. 
I do the best I can, but the BS has to stop somewhere. I have been dealing with this crap for my kids as I stand to loose one that isn't legally mine. 
I don't suppose there is a whole lot I can do about a child I have no legal rights to. 
Her whole Freaking family is crazy, is psycosis a genetic thing HEH?


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## shesgone (Feb 4, 2011)

Yesterday I get an email from wife that says she wants me to buy finance a house for her sister. 
COME ON NOW, THIS IS JUST LUDICROUS!!!!!

A week ago she wants a divorce, and this weeks she wants me to buy her sister a house? Anyone have any suggestions on how to get her a psyc evaluation or something?


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

suggest counseling? go together? share these details with a counselor?


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## shesgone (Feb 4, 2011)

Tried that. 
SHe won't go to councelling


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