# Are Sex and Marriage Mutually Exclusive? Are you happy in your sex life?



## qigong (Sep 2, 2011)

Based on many of the posts in this forum it appears that sex is not only alive and well, but highly desired in many marriages. However, I hear a lot to the contrary, so I wanted some actual data on this. So, if you're interested in participating, I have a short survey:

1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?

5 - Over the top - never been happier!
4 - Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life
3 - My needs are being met - I really can't complain, but now and again would like more passion/excitement
2 - Needs are barely met at best. I want/need more sex/intimacy and it should be more satisfying
1 - We never, almost never have sex. And/or when we do he/she doesn't know how to please me. I couldn't be more dissatisfied.

2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?

5 - Mind-blowing! I forget where I'm even at after.
4 - Awesome - some of the best sex ever most of the time
3 - Darn good - satisfied with my partner, though there are times I wish it could be more intense
2 - Eh, it's just okay. Enough to keep me going for now.
1 - Horrible! He/she has no idea how to please me.

3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?

5 - Everyday or more! Wow!
4 - About 3-5 times per week
3 - About 1-2 times per week
2 - Once or twice a month, sometimes less
1 - Feels like never to actually never

4) How many years have you been married?


5) What was your sex life before marriage?

5 - Over the top - never been happier!
4 - Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life
3 - My needs are being met - I really can't complain, but now and again would like more passion/excitement
2 - Needs are barely met at best. I want/need more sex/intimacy and it should be more satisfying
1 - We never, almost never have sex. And/or when we do he/she doesn't know how to please me. I couldn't be more dissatisfied.

6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?



7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?





Thanks for you inputs. I'll answer it myself.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

2
3
2
21
4
its usually gratifying, albeit infrequent
i would like for it to be higher on her priority list, i dont want to be fit into the schedule


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## qigong (Sep 2, 2011)

qigong said:


> 1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?
> 
> 2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?
> 
> ...


1) 1
2) 2, though sometimes it's actually pretty good
3) 2, but feels like about never and getting less frequent
4) 1.2 years
5) 4 - not the best of my life, but I was really happy with it
6) I love it when she's really into it, ravenous and jumps on top

7) We never do it anymore. She categorically announced she doesn't want sex except maybe 1-2 times per year. I'm sure there may be things I could do better or differently but she'd never tell me what those things are. I'm willing to do anything to make her feel more relaxed, comfortable, sexy, you name it, but she says she doesn't feel like it and doesn't know why. Sometimes I think that is a lie, but I'm starting to believe she has some kind of problem. 

She admitted to viewing sex as merely a physical act and can only get into it at the beginning of the relationship and could only get into again if she had a new relationship. She said she wants to be married and loves me but doesn't want sex. I don't get this on any level accept there is something dysfunctional about her idea of sex and/or she had some kind of trauma when she was younger. 

I could understand this a little better if we'd been married for 5+ years, but one year? Really?? I'll be supportive if she can't explain what's going on or decide to seek help to uncover why, then I don't think I can hang on. I'm willing to do anything (except permanently give up sex) to make this marriage work and I'll do anything to get her in the mood and make her feel relaxed and sexy. I've tried a 100 things and nothing matters. She's admitted that there's nothing I can do.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

*1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?*

4 - Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life


*2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?*

4 - Awesome - some of the best sex ever most of the time


*3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?*

4 - About 3-5 times per week


*4) How many years have you been married?*

23


*5) What was your sex life before marriage?*

4 - Above average - felt very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life (Note it was with the same man who is my husband.)


*6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?*

Everything.  He completes me, and we seem to have finally gotten on the same page together now.


*7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?*

I want to try more things. I want to have the energy to try more things (okay I wish I knew all that I know now when I was younger).


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

qigong said:


> 1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?
> 2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?
> 3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?
> 4) How many years have you been married?
> ...


1) 5
2) 5
3) 4
4) 18 (together for 23)
5) 3
6) It's just so much fun! I swear he knows me better than I know myself! I think it gets better year after year.
7) Nothing is really missing, but we do have three kids, so no parading around the house naked or anything. We go away without them a few times a year and my husband says that I'm going to break him.  

The one thing I would change about myself, is that I would love to be able to swallow. I love giving BJ's, but I can't get past the taste/texture. I been that way about food since I was a little kid. One of these days, I will get over it. Mind over matter, right?


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

1) Overall sex life is between 2 and 3. It's not bad but after reading here how amazing sex is for many couples and how they feel, it seem so great anymore.

2) 2. I like sex...never got enough of it in the past to really know what it's like to be satisfied and I think he knows that and doesn't try all that hard since it's "harder" to please me than what he's used to.

3) 2 - before I was on the pill. I started the pill the day after he left and he's coming home today so we'll see if that was really his excuse for not touching me much!

4) We've only been married for 2 months which is why I'm not so discouraged about a lot of things. Lots of time to learn.

5) 3 - We were long distance for a while so it was better than nothing!

6) I love how he likes to take charge and be the dominant one.

7) What's missing...I dunno..to be honest we've only had sex and I've yet to really experience this "making love" that people are talking about. He's young so he's all about bam bam ok done! I know it sounds bad but again, I didn't know any better before. I also wish he was more patient and wouldn't get frustrated when he has a hard time pleasing me. Hopefully we will have sex more frequently. And about me...I just wish I would stop sweating so much! When I'm on top and it drips everywhere I sometimes just want to get it over with because it sometimes grosses him out lmao.


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## Skate Daddy 9 (Sep 19, 2011)

1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?

2 - Needs are barely met at best. I want/need more sex/intimacy and it should be more satisfying

2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?

3 - Darn good - satisfied with my partner, though there are times I wish it could be more intense

3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?

2 - Once or twice a month, sometimes less

4) How many years have you been married?
19

5) What was your sex life before marriage?
It was a white wedding

6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?
Everything except that it does not happen enough. 


7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?
Just more often, my wife thinks that I should just wait for her to get in the mood.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

qigong said:


> Based on many of the posts in this forum it appears that sex is not only alive and well, but highly desired in many marriages. However, I hear a lot to the contrary, so I wanted some actual data on this. So, if you're interested in participating, I have a short survey:


Sure. I'll participate. 



gigong said:


> 1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?
> 
> 5 - Over the top - never been happier!
> 4 - Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life
> ...


Hmm...right now, my answer to this question is #5: Over the top - never been happier. I've always had a high sex drive, but negativity from others I know and on other forums I've been on sort of placed negative thoughts and feelings in my mind in regards to sex. This place has helped me overcome those thoughts and my husband and I have had sex nearly everyday and in more ways than we ever have before. 



gigong said:


> 2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?
> 
> 5 - Mind-blowing! I forget where I'm even at after.
> 4 - Awesome - some of the best sex ever most of the time
> ...


Hmmm...I'd have to answer #5 on this one too.  Especially lately. Hubs is on his way home now and I'm sure he'll be in the mood for some good, hot lovin'.



gigong said:


> 3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?
> 
> 5 - Everyday or more! Wow!
> 4 - About 3-5 times per week
> ...


Hmmm...I'd have to say between #4 and #5. Sometimes it's everyday, sometimes less. It depends on the week, to be honest. Especially after I start school. 



gigong said:


> 4) How many years have you been married?


Two years. We're in our third right now.



gigong said:


> 5) What was your sex life before marriage?
> 
> 5 - Over the top - never been happier!
> 4 - Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life
> ...


Ohhh, lol. Definitely #5. In fact, our sex life was far more frequent before marriage. But not quite as satisfying, to be honest. But still really good.



gigong said:


> 6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?


Well, my husband's penis is over nine inches long. Whenever I go on top, 8 times out of ten I have at least one vaginal orgasm, and 6 times out of ten I have more than one. That's pretty high on my list of what I love about my husband sexually. 

As for what I love about our sex life, I love that he's willing to try new things with me. I mention something new and he's usually all for trying it. He's very into our sex life and making it better/keeping it fresh and exciting and I really love that about him.



gigong said:


> 7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?


Hmmm...I don't really think there's anything "missing". I would like more lengthy role playing. I enjoy it a lot. It helps me to forget about the overly strict background I was raised in and allow the sexual fiend in me(as my husband calls it) to come out. 

As for what I'd improve about hubs, only his bad breath. lol.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

*1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?*

4 - Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life.

*
2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?*

4 - Awesome - some of the best sex ever most of the time

*3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?*

About everyday.

*4) How many years have you been married?*

2.3 years. Together for 4 years.


*5) What was your sex life before marriage?*

5 - Over the top - never been happier!


*6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?*

He is so confident and experimental. He makes me feel at ease and connected to him. He can be vulnerable but not in a wimpy way. He watches my face to hit the right spots. He's very giving and wants to please me. I've never been this attracted to someone for so long. He's the sexiest man I've ever met.



*7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?*
Nothing really...just want him to move home.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

qigong said:


> 1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?


4: Above average - feeling very satisfied with quantity/quality of my sex life



qigong said:


> 2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?


4: Awesome - some of the best sex ever most of the time



qigong said:


> 3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?


4: About 3-5 times per week



qigong said:


> 4) How many years have you been married?


Together 16 years



qigong said:


> 5) What was your sex life before marriage?


In the early days we were very free, kinky, role-playing and all-nighters. Recently we've made necessary changes together for our relationship to continue and the feeling of passion and desire has returned at a deeper level. 



qigong said:


> 6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?


I feel trust and respect to be completely open with him sexually. I love that we're still discovering new things about each other. That we both faced our relationship issues and the part we played, to get to a better place which has helped our sex life. Oh and that we want to please each other, to make each other feel revitalized, connected and sexy 



qigong said:


> 7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?


I'm improving on being subtle (rather than just being forward), giving him the space to pursue me and remembering that long-term attraction is made up of many wonderful components and meeting each others needs. I'm stepping up my end for romance and sensual intimacy too. He's continuing to open up sexually with me, allowing himself to be vulnerable with his fantasies, and expressing what he wants to do to me (which I love). We've both turned our focus back inward towards each other.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

qigong said:


> 1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?


 5. Never been happier. Yes, ALL my "needs" are met, couldn't ask for more . But you know us women, doesn't mean we still wouldn't want a little "more" in some areas. I am no different. 



> 2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?


4 & 5: Mind blowing if we wait a 3-4 days in between , but still awesome & the best ever in comparison to our very quiet vanilla in the dark under the covers 2 position sex life of most of our marraige. 



> 3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?


4 & 5: we average 5 - 6 times a week, but on occasion pull a 7 days in a row. I keep a "sex calender" to keep tract, curious to see how long we can ride this out. Been 3 yrs now. 



> 4) How many years have you been married?


 22 yrs 



> 5) What was your sex life before marriage?


We were virgins who only touched each other to orgasm, no touching of his genitals to mine until our Wedding night. 

I would say 4 - we were happy with that at the time and felt good about "waiting" for intercourse. But had alot of religious guilt attached to our enjoyment of this orgasmic pleasure -at least I did. It was VERY hard at 1st to not go all the way, but we overcame and stuck to our boundaries. 




> 6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?


 My husband is a pure GIVER, my pleasure means more to him than his own, he has always been this way. 

Not sure I like this one more than the other, but for him, he has admitted it is MORE about the "emotional connection" with me, it is ONLY "*making love*" to him, NEVER "*sex*" -over raw LUST, sometimes I think that RAW LUST would be really FUN, but I would have to starve him awhile to bring that out-if even then. So it is what it is. We are older now, after all. 

I LOVE the fact he is a Phyiscal Toucher who ALWAYS wants touched & wants to touch. I love the fact we orgasm together 9 times out of 10. I love the fact he is emotionally "mushy" in bed, but at the same time can handle my fights - (always fight naked!), then we go on to have intense make up sex, he has a way of always getting me to laugh in the midst of these things. 



> 7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?


I just wish we could go back in time and relive what we missed, but that can't be done, so we have *NOW*, we are making up for lost time, rectifying the blunders I made when I was not so sexually intune with myself while he felt rejected & less loved- and his quietly suffering silently all those years. 

I sometimes wish he was more aggressive with me but come to learn that is what he loves - the aggressive seductive woman - I can play this role pretty nicely -so it "works" for us. I also wish he was more creative but I am the more creative force between us. It is what it is. He is over 100% satisfied , sometimes I am a bit much, he tells me with a big grin ...I overmilked his cow. I KNOW he is very very happy.


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## qigong (Sep 2, 2011)

Wow. Those are some amazing reports. It's nice to hear that there are many out there who are so well connected sexually, although it appears I'm dealing with a skewed sample. My hypothesis is that the happy ones are more than willing to report and the not-so-happy, well, not so much.

I like that it gives me perspective and some hope. My own sex life is pretty terrible, but there is a new found reason for that and it will take some time. Perhaps with work and patience we'll get there. If I didn't love her so much and believe that despite our recent problems and challenges I don't know that I could hang in there.

Please continue to share.

All the best.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

qigong said:


> Based on many of the posts in this forum it appears that sex is not only alive and well, but highly desired in many marriages. However, I hear a lot to the contrary, so I wanted some actual data on this. So, if you're interested in participating, I have a short survey:
> 
> 1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?
> 
> ...


1) 4. My husband lost a point because he cannot manage daily sex. Other than that, I am satisfied.

2)5. I often fall asleep afterwards!


3)4. *sigh* 

4)I have been married for a year, together for five.

5.)5. We did not see each other every day, so the frequency oddly felt like more. After we moved in together, I noticed that every day was not possible.

6) I love that I have tried things with my husband, that I have never tried with anyone else. I love how gentle he is with me, since my vagina is unusually small. He never pressures me into acts that I do not enjoy, like other partners. He revels in my body, even though I think my belly is ugly.

7) The only thing that is missing from my sex life is the frequency. 3-4 times a week is often, but I want it every single day.


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## qigong (Sep 2, 2011)

Thanks to all for the feedback! Some great stories indeed. I do believe we have a skewed sample here (most who are happy with their sex lives are more willing to respond), but that's okay.

It gives me hope. After the past 2 relationships, I was beginning to wonder, but I think I'm may be making poor choices. Obviously love languages need to match. In my marriage they don't which is part of the problem.

I would love to hear about your stories:

*How did you meet your spouse?
*What drew you to him/her?
*What was it about that person which told you, "this is the one?"
*What do you do to keep the love life spicy? 

Thanks!


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

qigong said:


> *How did you meet your spouse?
> *What drew you to him/her?
> *What was it about that person which told you, "this is the one?"
> *What do you do to keep the love life spicy?


We met for the very first time when he was 13 and I was 14. If I remember correctly, He called me "stupid", my (unspoken) thought was "you are a dumb seventh grader".  We went to a small, private school together and our families went to the same church.

I really "noticed" him when he was 16, at church camp. Boy, did I fall hard! What drew me to him was his amazing sense of humor. He had (and still does have) a combination of goofiness and really intelligent wit. It also helped that I found him really good-looking. He wasn't your typical handsome jock, but to me, he couldn't have looked better. 

I don't know what exactly it was that made me think he was "the one". I think it was a combination of his personality, his humor, his looks and I'm sure several other things. We were just kids, but he was the one I have always wanted.

To keep the love life spicy: We do all sorts of things, but the fact that neither one of us is bashful or embarrassed when it comes to sex really helps. If one of us says "let's try this..." the other one most likely say "sure, that sounds like fun" (we don't use those exact words, that would be dorky, but you get the point).

This is all sounds wonderful, but we have had our problems, definitely. I don't want anyone to read this and think, oh sure, their life is perfect.  We have had issues, but we have worked through them and come out the other side stronger.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

How we met: It was through music. I jokingly say he was my groupie. We heard each others voices first and spoke a few times before meeting in person. He sweet talked me. We already felt attraction before knowing what each other looked like. 

What drew me to him: Initially it was our shared interests and commonalities. I was drawn to him for a few reasons. We were young but he was already independent, he was confident and spoke his mind, I admired his good manners, he could handle when I was being feisty, he was really supportive with my music interests, he always had something interesting to talk about, he introduced me to new music, he could keep me laughing and I love his humor ....it just felt natural and easy being with him. 

What told me he was the one: I never got tired of being around him. It sounds strange and perhaps simplistic but it's true. I tend to have people close on my terms, much like a cat. It's not something I'm proud of and I try to curb being this way. With him though, I just loved us being together or at least knowing he was nearby, constantly. 

Keeping the love life spicy: We're in slightly new territory now since working through some behavioral patterns we'd formed over the years. It's almost like going back to basics. Unexpected romantic gestures, being more open with desires, paying close attention, switching things up to keep each other on our toes. What is spicy to one couple, might be mild to another ....this is individual so I'm not giving specifics but being aware and focused on each other helps us become more spicy. It seems to go hand-in-hand. I hope that makes sense.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

qigong said:


> Thanks to all for the feedback! Some great stories indeed. I do believe we have a skewed sample here (most who are happy with their sex lives are more willing to respond), but that's okay.
> 
> It gives me hope. After the past 2 relationships, I was beginning to wonder, but I think I'm may be making poor choices. Obviously love languages need to match. In my marriage they don't which is part of the problem.
> 
> ...


 Love languages don't have to match, you just have to be aware and respect each other's language. My husband and I both have kind of a double language...the scores were tied between two languages. Mine are physical touch and quality time and his are acts of service and words of affirmation. I try to find ways to do little things for him and to acknowledge and praise him as much as possible and in turn he is happy to spend time with me and show more affection to me than he might normally. Its really very easy to keep each other happy if you just know what the other person needs. 

We met through Match.com. He was getting ready to cancel his membership as he wasn't having much luck, I had only been on the service for three months and had met several nice guys but no chemistry involved. He sent me a message which I almost ignored. His profile was great...we had a lot in common but the picture he posted was...well, boring. No smile, photo taken by himself with his cell phone in the bathroom mirror. He was just not the type I was usually attracted to but I decided to meet him anyway...I loved his profile after all. We met at the beach, very casual setting. As soon as I walked up to him he smiled and his eyes it up and I thought to myself...this isn't the same guy. He hugged me and we started walking down the beach and within minutes he had me laughing and totally at ease. He has a great sense of humor, gorgeous smile and eyes and we have so much fun together, still. We have been inseparable since the day at the beach. 
His sense of humor is what drew me to him, his kind generous heart and his family values are what told me I want to be with him forever. 
Keeping the love life spicy...hmmm...it's always something unexpected that spices it up for me. A new toy, a willingness to experiment...sometimes the results of our experimentation result in more laughter...which is fun...like the first time he made me squrt. The look of shock and amazement on both our faces was priceless as was the hysterical laughter while we cleaned up the mess. Yes, the unexpected...:smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

qigong said:


> I would love to hear about your stories:
> 
> *How did you meet your spouse?
> *What drew you to him/her?
> ...


*How we Met * 

At the Lunch table of a new vocational school we both entered, I was in 10th grade, he was in 11th. He asked me to "go with him" just a week after we met, very brave for a very shy guy like him, he expected the answer to be No. But I took a chance & said Yes. My rational... he was cute enough. My grades took a dive cause we were so involved with each other & my parents took me out of that school- for punishment - but we continued on, and they grew to love & totally trust him with me.

*What drew me to him? * 

This is going to sound so very VAIN.. I had attraction for him in the physical sense (He looked a site better without his big glasses)......but mainly it was HIS love for me that drew me in. I felt TOTALLY 100% comfortable with him, accepted with all of my flaws - from day one. I could be a bit feisty as HeartsBeating mentioned, even down right selfish at times, I probably talked too much, complained alot about my family life & he just was able to handle me being ME, and ALWAYS put a smile on my face. He transcended me from what I was dealing with at home to a better place, everytime we was together. 

Also most guys were "too flirty" -with no meat behind it but pure BS -obviously looking for one thing - but he was different. He would do anything for me, he was willing to "wait" for me, wanted to be with me always, braved snowy country roads just to see me in the winter, wrote me letters -even though he hated to write (told me this years later) , we did everything together- quickly became best friends, we had the same dreams, goals. I knew had I married him, I would forever be treated like treasured gold -he was someone who gave deeply and loved deeply. 

*What was it about that person which told you, "this is the one?*

Although he was wonderful TO ME, I did question how I felt about him for a time, so I broke up with him, gave his ring back - I HAD TO BE SURE and dated another guy. This other guy was more the "'outgoing/ life of the party" type. 

I realized through THAT experience (which to this day, I believe I NEEDED to have) that I wanted him back, he was the one for me.... I prefer the overly loving, shy homebuddy who maybe he is not Mr Excitement, but my personality can be a little over the top at times -so it brings us balance. I KNEW His type would make the best Father & Husband (and I had dreams of a larger family since I was an only child). He was also an excellent worker, never failed to keep his word, I'd have to be a fool to give that up . I had perfect PEACE when I went back to him, he took me back with open arms. We planned our wedding shortly after , I have never looked back. 

*What do you do to keep the love life spicy?* Answer : NOT ENOUGH back then. I fell into being too focused on acheiving goals, working hard, saving hard, acheiving pregnancy for a time, working on our non dream house while looking for our dream house, then too many kids -I lost site of my husband. He let me do it to some extent. Both of our faults -but in different ways. 

NOW...the kids are in the back burner, we lock them out at night when we walk upstairs...

*1.* We take Romantic vacations
*2.* Do bubble baths with candles
*3.* Play sex games every now & then- even bought some Sex furniture few yrs back.
*4*. Give body -erotic massages
*5.* I read books to further ideas, positions, get ideas on this site
*6.* We rented porn for a time (soft stuff only)
*7. * Using lingerie to entice is alot of fun - I sometimes dress in it & heels to cook his breakfast on his days off, welcome him home in it (if no kids in the house!)
*8.* We get out the camera sometimes, installed a big mirror near our bed last month, we have video taped ourselves on vacation.
*9.* We FLIRT alot -if we hear one word that can be taken "dirty" -even if it was not meant to be, beings our minds are often in the gutter, we will look at the other, give "eyes" or add something to that -of coarse. Keeps us feeling young, very alive. 
*10*. If he hears a love song on the radio, he will tell me later he was thinking about me. And I do the same, we can be very "mushy". 
*11*. Touching is like a gravitational pull to the other, always arms around me, kisses , my hand on his legs, his hands through my hair, my hands all over him, many I love you's
*12*. We go to the movies together, ride bikes, take country walks alone
*13.* Watch movies together at night while we hold & caress each other, he doesn't mind Chick flicks - a rarity in men. I also don't mind Spike TV for men though, some good stuff on there. Neither of us likes sports, so that is a ++. 
*14*. We make fun of each other alot, keeps us laughing, never holding back how we feel -whether it is good or bad-even ugly, now we share. (an improvement from the past on his part) 
*15*. Even though we know each other like the back of our hands, I still I manage to find new questions for him, for us, and it keeps us entertained and still craving the other.

I love being married.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

1) How would you rate your overall sex life (i.e., do you feel your needs are being met)?

*1 - We never, almost never have sex. And/or when we do he/she doesn't know how to please me. I couldn't be more dissatisfied.*

2) How is the actual quality of your sex most of the time when you do it?

*1 - Horrible! He/she has no idea how to please me.*

3) How often do you have sex(on the average)?

*1 - Feels like never to actually never*

4) How many years have you been married?

*31*

5) What was your sex life before marriage?

*5 - Over the top - never been happier!*


6) What do you LOVE about your sex life and partner, sexually?

*Nothing*


7) What's missing from you sex life? What would you improve about it, about your partner and/or about yourself?

*We have no sex life. I can only improve it by leaving her and finding someone else.*


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

michzz said:


> *We have no sex life. I can only improve it by leaving her and finding someone else.*


michzz...it makes me sad the number of times I've read this in the last month or so that I've been here. The lonliness and frustration is felt by everyone reading this.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mrs. T said:


> michzz...it makes me sad the number of times I've read this in the last month or so that I've been here. The lonliness and frustration is felt by everyone reading this.


Thanks, it is a lousy place to be. But I am working on making life changes. Got a new job that requires a move, opened a bank account and a po box.

All that's left is the mechanics of the process. Stashing money to move, finding a place, making it formal, selling the house.

None of which is really about sex/intimacy directly.

That will have to follow. It doesn't mean the deprivation isn't felt though.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

michzz said:


> Thanks, it is a lousy place to be. But I am working on making life changes. Got a new job that requires a move, opened a bank account and a po box.
> 
> All that's left is the mechanics of the process. Stashing money to move, finding a place, making it formal, selling the house.
> 
> ...


You're right it is lousy, I've been there too. It sounds like you are already taking steps to get out, I wish you well. Once you take the plunge it does get easier. I still remember the feeling of relief I had once I shut that door behind me for the last time. I'm not saying you won't have bad days because you will. You will still have grief for the ended relationship, that's normal. Just make sure to take care of yourself, please, you will need to be strong especially with children involved.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mrs. T said:


> michzz...it makes me sad the number of times I've read this in the last month or so that I've been here. The lonliness and frustration is felt by everyone reading this.


I so agree with this. I absolutely & completely sympathize with all higher drive spouses to such a degree, it sometimes chokes me up reading their stories and I get angry. When I hear a woman whine about her husband wanting her too much, she would NOT want me in the freaking room cause I would have many words for her. I told one of my friends to her face (well it was on the phone) if I was married to her, I would leave her. She's told me hers husband cried in front of her when she denied him. But she didn't "feel" like it. 

I also think it is harder on men in Divorce, overwhelmingly they loose the kids. You think little girls, even teen girls is going to understand why daddy left mommy -when they learn it was over sex. For her, that makes daddy a monster, she is not going to understand that ! Women often do not get it. So he is screwed, then screwed again with his kids. I know of a father who left, and his daughter was so wrapped into her mothers love, she never forgave him , won't talk to him, ignored his letters over the years, he wasn't welcome at her wedding, never seen his grandchildren. Pathetic. He never did anything to hurt this daughter, but she could not accept the fact he broke up the family. 

Women need educated on this issue, and it's pain for men.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I so agree with this. I absolutely & completely sympathize with all higher drive spouses to such a degree, it sometimes chokes me up reading their stories and I get angry. When I hear a woman whine about her husband wanting her too much, she would NOT want me in the freaking room cause I would have many words for her.
> 
> I also think it is harder on men in Divorce, overwhelmingly they loose the kids. You think little girls, even teen girls is going to understand why daddy left mommy -when they learn it was over sex. For her, that makes daddy a monster, she is not going to understand that ! Women often do not get it. So he is screwed, then screwed again with his kids.
> 
> Women need educated on this issue, and it's pain for men.


I totally agree with you. I have a friend who tells her husband to "just get it over with already" and she wonders why her marriage is a mess. Some of the stories on this forum make me so sad.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I so agree with this. I absolutely & completely sympathize with all higher drive spouses to such a degree, it sometimes chokes me up reading their stories and I get angry. When I hear a woman whine about her husband wanting her too much, she would NOT want me in the freaking room cause I would have many words for her. I told one of my friends to her face (well it was on the phone) if I was married to her, I would leave her. She's told me hers husband cried in front of her when she denied him. But she didn't "feel" like it.
> 
> I also think it is harder on men in Divorce, overwhelmingly they loose the kids. *You think little girls, even teen girls is going to understand why daddy left mommy -when they learn it was over sex. For her, that makes daddy a monster, she is not going to understand that ! Women often do not get it.* So he is screwed, then screwed again with his kids. I know of a father who left, and his daughter was so wrapped into her mothers love, she never forgave him , won't talk to him, ignored his letters over the years, he wasn't welcome at her wedding, never seen his grandchildren. Pathetic. He never did anything to hurt this daughter, but she could not accept the fact he broke up the family.
> 
> Women need educated on this issue, and it's pain for men.


I must be in the minority, because I completely understood why my father cheated on my mother. Besides the fact that she was a screaming witch, she was also very sexually repressed. I'd hear her talking on the phone about about how nasty oral sex was-even at 12, I still thought she was ridiculous. 

I wanted him to leave and go be happier with someone else, somebody who appreciated what a good man he was. I wanted my mother to live the life that she always wanted, but she wasn't independent enough. They stayed together and they are so unhappy.

My father and I had a closeness that my mother could never be a part of. Of course I loved the parent that was not abusive and discouraging-who wouldn't? No wonder she was jealous-he would hug and kiss me when he got home, yet he would just give her a polite hello. 

I feel sorry for my father. He is like a battered woman-so beaten down by my mother's constant insults. Her relatives scold her for that, but the fool did not learn from the cheating.

My dear SA, I am with you 100% on wives who refuse sex. They deserve to be alone.


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## qigong (Sep 2, 2011)

Thanks to all for some great posts! I will respond to all individually, but I've been offline a bit, busy with kids and marital issues. Sadly, mine is ending, but we're just not compatible, right for each other. 

These posts give me hope for a better future and I truly appreciate hearing of couples finding joy in each other. Pretty awesome! Keep 'em coming.

G


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## qigong (Sep 2, 2011)

michzz said:


> Thanks, it is a lousy place to be. But I am working on making life changes. Got a new job that requires a move, opened a bank account and a po box.
> 
> All that's left is the mechanics of the process. Stashing money to move, finding a place, making it formal, selling the house.
> 
> ...


Hang in the michzz. I'm going through the same myself. No sex life and we've openly discussed divorce which is now in the works. 

This will be my 2nd (which sucks), but I can say with experience that it will get better. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your business.

In time, things will improve.


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