# Really



## Spectron2010 (Oct 7, 2012)

So my husband is a cheater! After almost 9 years together I found some disturbing things. He was sexting a persone he works wit hfor 4 years....2 of those we were married. and once he asked a girl to some to our house when I was out of town to sleep with him. I cant prove that he slept with anyone as the one girl said no to coming over and the one that he worked with didnt show up... i think something happened in the 4 years that i can trace things back to. He did change jobs because I told him he couldnt work with HER anymore but we havnt had sex in a year so he's gettin it from somewhere...I jsut can NOT turst him as much as he tries to tell he will change.. Idont believe him and I really need some sex...but I cant touch him..I have NO idea what that hell to do!!


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Hmmmmm
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dwaynewilliams (Feb 1, 2010)

Why aren't you having sex? A year is a long time. If you aren't having sex and you don't trust him, you two don't really have much going. And you are right, if you aren't having sex with him, he must be getting it from someone else.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Spectron2010 said:


> So my husband is a cheater! After almost 9 years together I found some disturbing things. He was sexting a persone he works wit hfor 4 years....2 of those we were married. and once he asked a girl to some to our house when I was out of town to sleep with him. I cant prove that he slept with anyone as the one girl said no to coming over and the one that he worked with didnt show up... i think something happened in the 4 years that i can trace things back to. He did change jobs because I told him he couldnt work with HER anymore but we havnt had sex in a year so he's gettin it from somewhere...I jsut can NOT turst him as much as he tries to tell he will change.. Idont believe him and I really need some sex...but I cant touch him..I have NO idea what that hell to do!!


You might need to gather evidence. (VARs, etc) and you might benefit from counselling.

He might be cheating on you, or he might not. Either way, something is wrong and needs to be fixed.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Bad place to be.

What do you want to do?

Read the newbies link, second thread in thisnforum.


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## Spectron2010 (Oct 7, 2012)

A part of me wishes that all this just wasn't happening but it is and I don't think I deserve to be treated this way and lied to. i do a lot for him so to find out that this was going on for so long jsut made me feel like a big ass fool.
I respect myself to not stay with someone who could do this.....but of course it's never that cut an dry or easy. There was a time when we were happy but is seems like after we got married that just went away. I know that I have changed a lot in the last 8 years and I really l put a lot in to my running life and racing. I have tried to always make sure that I am still around and not let it take over but now there are parts of his life that i can't handle any more...drinking and pot and smoking/ They are all such a turn off. I feel you either grow together or you grow apart.
I also have noticed that he kinda treats me like a parent..with the hiding things and not doing house work unless I make his. I could go on and on. I know the on paper we look ok abd we have a lot of fun along the way....but there is also many things that went so wrong...I should have just run away....sigh....


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

The odds that he has slept with someone are high. He sounds like he's been searching really hard for someone, and there's always a woman out there that will be willing to meet. You said he sexted with someone for 4 years? 4 years is a loong time to be sexting and not having a full fledged A. 

I would say something is still going on if he's not being intimate with you. How did you find all of this out?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

dwaynewilliams said:


> Why aren't you having sex? A year is a long time. If you aren't having sex and you don't trust him, you two don't really have much going. And you are right, if you aren't having sex with him, he must be getting it from someone else.


Not necessarily. Masturbation maybe. However, given his track record ....


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## Spectron2010 (Oct 7, 2012)

I found out by going throug his FB messages. I that is where the messaging started in 07...oh good it's was 5 year. I then checked his phone in September and there it was...all dirty. And knowing that he wont touch me. It broke my heart. I also found back in 07 where he asked another girl to come to the house when I was away for the weekend...she said no unless I was there.
In 07 we broke up - now i know why - but we got back together 6 months later....wow wish I hadn't done that now.


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## Spectron2010 (Oct 7, 2012)

the worst thing is that we really get along other wise. He supports me in my running. He is at every race cheering me on. In March he did a race with me sating that he change and be a better person, do more stuff with me. 
He's can be a good guy but our sex life has be awful and I used to love sex. He jsut seemed to no care one day and I quit trying after a while so now it never happens.
I have no idea what the hell I am doing here.


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## goshjosh (Mar 23, 2013)

Sorry this is happening to you. 
You mention that couples either grow together or grow apart. This is very true. You should think hard about what you want. Have you grown together or apart? Do you want to stay with him? If so, what changes (yours and his) need to happen? Is that realistic? Can you live that way? Can you regain trust? 
No one wants a D. No one gets married thinking it won't last. Sometimes, a D is the only viable option.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Spectron, 

Sorry you are here but take your time to read threads and learn a lot from other's experience.

Reconciliation is a difficult path and it involves no rug sweeping and complete transparency after the fact, with truth revealed or else it may as well be a waste of time, false reconciliation and he will relapse.


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## Spectron2010 (Oct 7, 2012)

goshjosh said:


> Sorry this is happening to you.
> You mention that couples either grow together or grow apart. This is very true. You should think hard about what you want. Have you grown together or apart? Do you want to stay with him? If so, what changes (yours and his) need to happen? Is that realistic? Can you live that way? Can you regain trust?
> No one wants a D. No one gets married thinking it won't last. Sometimes, a D is the only viable option.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What I want is life before I knew all this…but without him being an ass. I flip flop everyday on what I want to do. And once my race season starts(end of May) I get pretty focused so part of me wants to just wait it out til October but then part of me thinks that if I let him get away with this I am being a push over and he “gets away with it” He has changed jobs because I told him he had to and he did a little counseling (as did I but I didn’t find it to helpful) I just don’t know if I can sleep with someone who has broken my trust in this way…it’s all I can think about sometimes…and then other times all I can think about is all the good…yeah this sucks! In this time frame I had a falling out with my Mom and a friend I had for 16 years. I know part of this is me going through my own stuff and it makes me think if we got through this we would be pretty tough as a couple….oh it’s fun in my head lol


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