# How to proceed?



## oberyn (Jun 5, 2013)

A little over a month ago my wife left me. She cited a bunch of reasons. She didn't feel we were necessarily good for one another as she thought we had both let our lives stagnate while together. She said she was no longer attracted to me. Anyhow, we didn't completely leave each others lives and continued to talk a little bit. To make a long story short, we met one day in order to finally decide if we were going to try to work things out of not after she had expressed no interest in working things out previous. She shocked me by wanting to actually try to work things out. She wanted to maintain a romantic relationship while living separately and see how it works out.

Since then things have been great for the most part. As a general trend I have found every is getting better and better. She describes it as being a few steps forward and a few steps back but generally moving forward. A big part of this is because I think I am putting too much stock in the day to day, or even minute to minute for that matter. 

The other night we kissed, a real kiss, for the first time since she left. One that both of us seemed to be very much in to. At this point, I feel like talking about our relationship is more damaging than helpful as it makes being with me a little bit emotionally stressful, so I feel I should probably move away from that. At the same time, I am a little scared so I find it really hard not to go looking for reassurances.

Sorry if this is a little rambling, but does anyone have any advice on how I should proceed?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

To me she is keeping you as "plan B" if she wants to work on things she can move back in otherwise you should move on jmo.


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## oberyn (Jun 5, 2013)

I don't think that is really the case. She's never really been a fan of living with others. I think she just legitimately prefers to live on her own.


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## raybies (Apr 20, 2013)

I think she have her own priority and I'm afraid is not you. Don't let your guard down and play it slow.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

oberyn said:


> I don't think that is really the case. She's never really been a fan of living with others. I think she just legitimately prefers to live on her own.


How old are both of you?

How long have you been married?

Have either of you been married before?

How are your social lives?

As someone posted above, it appears she has you pegged as "plan b", but more details would be helpful.

Marriage typically isn't about having separate lives, it's more "becoming one" with each other. What she is asking for is not typical of a woman who wants to be married, but it is typical of a woman who has options.


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## oberyn (Jun 5, 2013)

tulsy said:


> How old are both of you?
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 
> ...


I am twenty nine and she is twenty five, we have been married for four years and were together for three before. Neither of us were previously married. I'd rate my social life as moderate, I have friends and spend some time with them. I'd say hers is about the same. She probably spends slightly more time with her friends than I do.

I really doubt there is anyone else, though, if that was the intent of that question. She lives a pretty busy life and still spends a fair amount of her free time with me. 

In a way I probably am a plan b, though, in that she knows she can live a perfectly happy life without me and isn't super positive on being able to live a perfectly happy life with me, I feel.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

7 years is a long time to know someone.

You would do better to do the 180 with her and not be very available. The more she sees you getting on with your life, the better it will be for you. 
Don't always be the one to call her. And don't always be available when she calls.


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