# my loyal wife wants to physically harm the woman I had an affair with



## SECEST (Oct 4, 2010)

I don't know what to do.

I had my affair long ago and we're recovering but we live in a small community and my wife cannot cope seeing the person i had and affair in the supermarket or the street.

She told me she will harm her so she will never forgets. When I say I'm the one responsible she says she'll do it to send a signal to anyone willing to get into a marriage.

I'm from a small african country and this things happen. We both grew up out of the country and know better but here she could get away easy and I'm scare. When I say something to stop her, she says it seems I still care for this person when is not the case.

things were working out....


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I really don't know what to tell you. I just hope for your wife's sake she doesn't do anything that foolish. Apparently she still has some anger, and it isn't going away. Are either of you religious? Perhaps a minister could be of help here--to work on forgiveness. This anger is only going to hurt your wife and hinder your successful reconciliation. She needs to let it go.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I understand her feelings. Having those feelings and acting on them are two different things. I was able to let my wife know how I felt about her affair, but have not spoken to the OM. I know who he is and how to reach him. I have contacted him about a face to face talk. He set a date and didn't show twice.
Now I know he is a spineless coward and I have even more contempt for him.
Since I discovered what a coward and a snake he really is, I want to beat the crap out of him, but won't. I just want to talk to him and let him know that even if he doesn't care about his own marriage, he should at least have the decency to not ruin another one. He was the pursuer in their affair.
I see him once in a while but never in a place where a personal encounter would be a good idea.
One day I will.


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## mypumpkins (Oct 15, 2010)

There are all kinds of books, magazines and help on fixing a car, managing money and all the latest fashions, yet very little USEFUL information on how to fix a broken relationship…. Manage your emotions or getting the love of your life back? You must read The magic of making up Its definitely worth it. Even if you don’t want to get your ex back this book opened my eyes to so many things pertaining to relationships.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

One of the easiest ways to end up dead or maimed is to have an affair which is just another reason why it's a bad idea. More than likely, your wife isn't going to harm anyone. Just to be on the safe side, I would romance the fool out of her and be completely transparent with her; not give her any additional reasons to be suspicious or angry. By the way, when she cooks you a meal, you might wait for her to eat a little first. For future reference, it's a bad idea to piss off anyone who has direct access to your stomach, your money, or your body while you're sleeping. I know it wouldn't take much of an affair to turn my wife into a homicidal maniac.


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## anonymus (Sep 21, 2010)

She has every right to be angry. Yes she may feel like harming the other woman but I don't think she will actually do it. My question is what r u doing to deal with her insecurites, lack of trust and the fact that u betrayed her.

"I'm from a small african country and this things happen."

That's no excuse to betray your wife and cheat on her. Just because u r African and every other African man is doing it does not make it right.
You were wrong and it's your duty to make things right with your wife and make her number one...instead of protecting the other woman. That will only fuel her anger. Who is more important in your life? Your wife or the woman u cheated with????


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## SECEST (Oct 4, 2010)

anonymus said:


> She has every right to be angry. Yes she may feel like harming the other woman but I don't think she will actually do it. My question is what r u doing to deal with her insecurites, lack of trust and the fact that u betrayed her.
> 
> "I'm from a small african country and this things happen."
> 
> ...


When I mean I'm an african didn't mean I cheat and have many mistresses. Although this kind of behaviour is a norm here I've been always proud of be above it and focus on my relationship. I always wanted to be the exception I failed and I feel like crap. When I said this things happen, I meant that many women harm or harass the mistress and the society takes it as normal. We, my wife and I, don't. The same as cheating. We been four years married and 9 years together and we were proud of being different in that aspect. Now she can't stand seeing the OW and I know she is being advised from some of her cousins to act on it and "make sure you send a signal to anybody who is willing to ruin your marriage".

I'm reading a lot and is great this forum is online and the help it provides is invaluable. I guess I'm just scare of all this exploding into an scene and people hurt all because of me feeling lonely, horny, neglected....with a demanding job, life, social responsabilities, etc...while my wife was away for 4 months. 

Suppose I wanted to scape of my reality and built a fantasy world where I was what my wife saw in me long time ago and no longer sees. I'm over that and I know my value but I don't want her to go on the streets beating up the OW as I don't think it'll be good to anybody. She thinks the OW laugh at her and wants to get that smile out of her face.


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## anonymus (Sep 21, 2010)

Bottom line is u should have not cheated her, I wonder if all the anxiety u r feeling now and the pain u caused ( + the fact that she may never trust u again as sge did b4) is worth the affair u had.
Before having the A u should have talked to her abt ur worries.
You better do somme damage control and make her feel like number 1.


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

to be honest with you if the b**** my husband cheated with lived here i'd beat her to a bloody pulp...AND IF YOUR WIFE CHEATED I AM SURE YOU'D WANNA HARM THE GUY...JUST MY OPINION.


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