# Passive Aggressive real life examples



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I have googled passive aggressive behavior and read the textbook version but I still don't understand. 

If you know of a passive aggressive person, please tell me their gender first and then list an example of something they have done passive aggressively.

Just trying to understand.

Thanks


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, let's say I hate doing dishes. Maybe I do such a ho-hum job of them that you get tired of having to re-wash everything so you decide to take over the job yourself. I passively FORCED you to give me what I wanted - to not do dishes. Better yet, I can make YOU seem mean for taking away something I was doing for our relationship! I'm the angel, and you criticized me and didn't appreciate me.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Male (it's my FIL)
Makes disparaging comments, when called out on comments, will try to deflect and flip it around to make it seem that you're making something out of nothing. 
Says he is going to do something, doesn't do it, then gets pissy when asked when he is going to do it.
Sulks when he doesn't get enough attention, then when attention is given, will revert back to being obtuse and stubborn.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

My mother-in-law...

Whenever DH doesn't visit her exactly when she asks she gives him the silent treatment.
When he tells her he's upset bc it seems the only reason she wants him to visit is so he can do tasks for her she starts crying and accusing him of attacking her and not loving her.

I like this short little article bc it lists some pretty common PA responses.
10 Common Passive Aggressive Phrases to Avoid | Psychology Today


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I don't really want to go with you to meet your co-workers for drinks, but I know I'm supposed to go, so instead I just take a really long time getting dressed and then we're 30 minutes late.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

"Sure, a trip to [small city near us] sounds like a great idea for date night!" all seemingly happy and excited. Then proceeding to be late getting back from his buddy's house so we are late leaving for the date, seething in silence the entire drive over, and then drinking way too much at dinner - making him unpleasant and embarrassing to be around and forcing us to skip dessert and the movie and go home early.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Passive agression seems to have been all around me.

Let's see if others agree with this:

1. Of course you can go. How will you get there? (scenario with my mother who then had to think of a new excuse when she was faced with the fact that her daughter was popular enough that someone was actually offering transportation as well an invitation.)
2. Of course you can go, but we don't have any money in the budget for you. (scenario with a boss who also did not realise that I had found a sponsor to cover my costs)
3. Selective hearing, memory and sight. Not much you can do about that until they say or do something that makes it clear that they did hear, remember or saw what they are claiming that they did not.
4. It's not what you said, but the way you said it. (sometimes that's a valid point, but not all the time. And it should not outweigh the importance of something being said.)


I'll come up with more when I think of them.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

This may seem trivial, but they CONSTANTLY ask you for the same information over and over.

"What is so-and-so's wife's name?" (You know her name, we've known them for 15 years.) 

"WHAT is my email password?" (You know it, YOU created the account.) 

"WHAT time are we supposed to be there?" (You already know the answer, you've asked me five times, and it's on the invitation hanging on the fridge)

Believe it or not, this subtle passive-aggressiveness will drive the "normal" partner insane. They diminish you by making you believe that all of this info is too trivial for them to bother with.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

DriftingAlong said:


> Not entirely sure if this qualifies, but running tests or what I call "lab experiments". That is asking someone to do something that they could easily do themselves, or putting someone in a situation just to see how they respond, and when they don't respond to your liking, saying "nevermind" and then giving them the silent treatment. Ex. Garbage man leaves empty can in front of the driveway on one of THE quietest streets in the neighborhood. Wife pulls up and sees the can, takes out her phone and calls the husband inside the house, not knowing what he's involved with, and asks him to come out and move the can 3 feet so she can pull the car in. When he says he's busy with something and "can't you get out of the car and slide the can over?", she says "nevermind", gives him the silent treatment, and later let's him know what a despicable human being he is for not jumping to the task. You gotta love cell phones.


This is a good one, it's like next-level PA behavior.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> This may seem trivial, but they CONSTANTLY ask you for the same information over and over.
> 
> "What is so-and-so's wife's name?" (You know her name, we've known them for 15 years.)
> 
> ...


No, not trivial at all. I've gotten to the point where I wonder if I am being set up now if I am asked the same question more than twice.

This whole attitude of "you know I sometimes forget things" is a set up.

"Remind me." I don't take responsibility for reminding anyone anymore.

"you didn't try hard enough." - there's never a discussion as to what you should be doing before they say that.


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## ella1048 (Apr 11, 2013)

When I ask if we can have "guests" over, he says "okay", when he doesn't really want company. As the minutes approach before our guests are due to come over (this is a nearby family whose kids are the same age as ours), he gets moody, picks fights and starts complaining about every little thing.....he obviously didn't want company after all and didn't want to tell me directly....


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

ella1048 said:


> When I ask if we can have "guests" over, he says "okay", when he doesn't really want company. As the minutes approach before our guests are due to come over (this is a nearby family whose kids are the same age as ours), he gets moody, picks fights and starts complaining about every little thing.....he ovbviously didn't want company after all and didn't want to tell me directly....


OMG!!! This is my passive aggressive ex-husband to a tee! Same EXACT behavior; then he would go into another room and pout and sulk that his "routine" was being interrupted. After he clearly said, "YES! They can come over!"


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> This may seem trivial, but they CONSTANTLY ask you for the same information over and over.
> 
> "What is so-and-so's wife's name?" (You know her name, we've known them for 15 years.)
> 
> ...


You are right, but I hope you forget this by the time you are 85.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> This may seem trivial, but they CONSTANTLY ask you for the same information over and over.
> 
> *"What is so-and-so's wife's name?" (You know her name, we've known them for 15 years.) *
> 
> ...


Holy hell I do this. I am terrible at remembering names though


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> Holy hell I do this. I am terrible at remembering names though


I've stopped giving others the benefit of the doubt. Too many people have taken advantage.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I've stopped giving others the benefit of the doubt. Too many people have taken advantage.


Not sure what that has to do with my inability to remember names ? Care to elaborate


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Jane: It's time to go, we really should get going now.

Passive Aggressive Ann: Oh...okay. I just...well okay, I GUESS we can leave now.

Jane: Ann, do you want to stay? Is that what you're trying to get at?

Passive Aggressive Ann: Huh? Oh no, we can leave if YOU want. I just didn't get to do everything I wanted to do yet, but no no, we can go I guess.

Jane: God dammit Ann! Fine, we'll stay, are you happy?

Passive Aggressive Ann: Oh okay! Yeah! That sounds great too!
(Ann got her way without having to openly ask for it) 


Example 2 

My roommate was talking about me, so when she was trying to study I blasted my music as loud as I could. I was being passive aggressive.


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

My husband's cousin sent one of the most passive aggressive texts of all time last week. 

Back story- our kid's birthdays are two days apart. We used to schedule the birthdays at different times so they could go to each other's birthdays. This year it didn't happen. No big deal. Right? Or so I thought....

Her- Tell B happy birthday. J says thanks for remembering his.

The boys are six and eight. I don't think either one remembered. Just one example of many.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ella1048 (Apr 11, 2013)

Another example:

The only time (1x per year) that I'm alllowed to leave our child with my H's sister for a "date nite" for us, we drive over to his sister's house and my H's sister "isnt' there" and WE have to CALL HER looking for her.

She obviously didn't want to babysit. 

It's passive.


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> My mother-in-law...
> 
> Whenever DH doesn't visit her exactly when she asks she gives him the silent treatment.
> When he tells her he's upset bc it seems the only reason she wants him to visit is so he can do tasks for her she starts crying and accusing him of attacking her and not loving her.
> ...


I do the first 2 of the 10 things in the common-passive-aggressive-phrases to avoid. 

I try not to, just not possible sometimes. 

My husband has a very strong personality and I do try to avoid arguments at all cost, he wants my opinion as long as it agrees with his and if it doesn't and I try to explain why I feel differently, he will ask why I'm being stupid. 

It becomes a can't win situation, that I can only say I agree to disagree, he hates that answer also.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> Not sure what that has to do with my inability to remember names ? Care to elaborate


If you can't remember then I interpret it as you don't care. Sorry, but I can't spend the rest of my life reminding you about something you should be able to retain yourself.

Now, you don't have to deal with me personally. But other people in your life may share the above opinion.


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

DriftingAlong said:


> Wow, my wife does the exact same thing. Only if I don't give the opinion she wants, she says I'm against her and she gets mad and starts crying. After going through this 2-3 times, I refused to give my opinion when she asked for it-just flat out refused.


I cant blame you! Do you find it works the opposite when you ask for opinions?

Some times his opinions are good, he does however have a tendency to poke the bear so to speak or play devils advocate (which I hate) to see how I react to what was said and my favorite... unsolicited comments.

Example: I ask if the shoes I'm wearing look ok with my outfit and show him another pair.

He says: the shoes are fine, I hate those Capri pants, then continues on with, "why do woman insist on wearing such ugly clothes"? don't you realize how bad those pants make you look?

I'm left with this thought: ok thanks, now I need to change because you just told me I look terrible. 

So I say nothing and start to change and he gets mad and says, why are you changing? What, Cant I give my honest opinion without you going and changing?

Now I'm starting to get upset and wished I said nothing and he will then say, "Great are you going to cry now"?

I cant figure out what you call this behavior.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Ms. GP said:


> My husband's cousin sent one of the most passive aggressive texts of all time last week.
> 
> Back story- our kid's birthdays are two days apart. We used to schedule the birthdays at different times so they could go to each other's birthdays. This year it didn't happen. No big deal. Right? Or so I thought....
> 
> ...


haha that's pretty thinly-veiled. But I wonder if you didn't also have a passive aggressive reason for not scheduling the birthday the way you normally do?


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

John Lee said:


> haha that's pretty thinly-veiled. But I wonder if you didn't also have a passive aggressive reason for not scheduling the birthday the way you normally do?



Ha ha! I guess I just got busted!! The truth is she and her children drive me crazy sometimes. I remembered I just didn't want to have to see them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> If you can't remember then I interpret it as you don't care. Sorry, but I can't spend the rest of my life reminding you about something you should be able to retain yourself.
> 
> Now, you don't have to deal with me personally. But other people in your life may share the above opinion.


Then that's on them. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I have a lock memory for dates and events, sequence of things and always faces....never forget one. But have always struggled to remember names just a weakness for me. Doubt anyone around me cares....I don't surround myself with people who are so so unforgiving


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## Leobwin (Apr 28, 2012)

My wife is the master of never asking for anything she wants, of never nagging or complaining.

This probably makes her sound ideal, in some ways...

...until she pops off a string of EAs and PAs, blaming me for not paying attention to her needs.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Ms. GP said:


> Ha ha! I guess I just got busted!! The truth is she and her children drive me crazy sometimes. I remembered I just didn't want to have to see them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's that saying "People always reveal more than they think they do"


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I have some passive aggressive tendencies. My wife hates them, and yet the funny thing is she never admits it or realizes it when she's being passive aggressive.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Many of the examples of P/A here really resonate with me. 

I was absolutely positive I had a P/A husband on my hands when I spoke clearly and directly. From all my years in Al-Anon, I learned this simple credo: "Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean."

Reaction?

YOU ARE A B!TCH!!! WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME?!?!?

The asides, the sarcastic comments, the silent treatment, the oblique references to my character defects. This was often followed by him proclaiming anger is a "bad" emotion.

Then I came out of the shower to find he had ripped the hinges off a wardrobe closet in our motel room. Why?

"Well, I couldn't find my wallet."

But I was the one who needed anger management therapy.

Okay. Whatever.

I deal with P/A's in my office everyday. You know the ones. Nice to your face, and b!tching about you behind your back to everyone and anyone who has ears to hear.

There's too much P/A in this world. JMO.


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

My all time favorite: 
Her: Not now honey, we are at my parents house. I want it bad too and can't wait to get home and jump you.
Then at home, her: I never said that!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My sister who wanted to finally get a website for her practice refused to read her e-mails from me when I was helping her. What's the point of getting a web site when you have no desire to go online at line at all?

I think she had trouble trying to respect new professions, such as IT, as, well professional. She jumps when her lawyer, accountant, therapist or personal doctor contacts her.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> Then that's on them. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I have a lock memory for dates and events, sequence of things and always faces....never forget one. But have always struggled to remember names just a weakness for me. Doubt anyone around me cares...*.I don't surround myself with people who are so so unforgiving*


Good for you.

I never stand people up but I am sometimes a little late.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

The only people I know who never tend towards passive-aggressive are those who relish a fight. At its best, it is contriving a situation that suits both parties (take her out on a posh date when it would otherwise be an awkward situation) and at its worst it is sulking.


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## SteveK (Mar 15, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> Passive agression seems to have been all around me.
> 
> Let's see if others agree with this:
> 
> ...


My STBXW was and is the. Queen of passive aggressiveness . Problem is she denied it and it used to frustrate the heck out of me and it would lead to huge fights.
Eventually it destroyed us and she had an affair and ran off with the POSOM. 
Thing is just wait until the fog lifts and she does it to him.

She even had a physician that she worked with tell her she was passive aggressive about 15?years ago and guess what she turned it into saying he was the one.

Oh well....I,lost her , still love her and should have learned to handle her personality better .


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Are all types of passive aggressive treatment bad and don't we all at different times use it in some of our relationships and daily interactions?
Ordinarily, people tend to want to avoid conflict because it is never pleasant , although some more so than others.

IMO, there is an entire spectrum of actions / responses / behaviours in relationships that can be considered as passive aggressive. Some are outright spiteful , vindictive and full of hatred , but others might actually be beneficial , relative to the situation.

For example someone does something which unintentionally upsets you for a legitimate reason . You decide to keep your anger in check and not express it , allowing it to pass.
Time passes, and the person is about to repeat the same mistake , but you recognize the pattern ,step in with a cool , confident approach and tell them that you prefer if they didn't do X because it upsets me badly.

The person listens and responds;
_ "Ok , but how come you didn't say that before?"_

Then you say something like;
" _Well , because the last time I was really mad, but I didn't think it warranted our friendship to fight with you over X , Y or Z.._."


Now refusing to confront in the first instance and letting it pass could be considered passive aggressive, but it's intent wasn't to " get even" or hurt the other person. The motive was to avoid unnecessary conflict that might have escalated at the moment.

What do you all think?

Just my musings.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I don't really see the above example as passive aggressive unless the person has the intent to get even or hurt the offending individual. When I think PA I think intentional hurt,revenge,etc. I don't think avoiding unnecessary conflict is PA.

But that's just for my own little world,I'm sure others feel differently. 
When you live life in the love/hate/black/white mind you sort of have to reel yourself in to make sure what you're bringing up is valid. To make sure it's not just your inability to see shades of grey that's causing you to feel slighted.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Are all types of passive aggressive treatment bad and don't we all at different times use it in some of our relationships and daily interactions?
> Ordinarily, people tend to want to avoid conflict because it is never pleasant , although some more so than others.
> 
> IMO, there is an entire spectrum of actions / responses / behaviours in relationships that can be considered as passive aggressive.
> ...


I think there's a difference between avoiding a conflict over something you don't feel warrants a blow-up and being passive-aggressive. The PA response to your scenario would not be to let poor behavior slide without comment the first time but confront that same behavior the next time. The PA response would be to supposedly let the poor behavior slide but then spend the next days/weeks/months covertly punishing the other person for that poor behavior without ever saying anything at all.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Rowan said:


> I think there's a difference between avoiding a conflict over something you don't feel warrants a blow-up and being passive-aggressive. The PA response to your scenario would not be to let poor behavior slide without comment the first time but confront that same behavior the next time. The PA response would be to supposedly let the poor behavior slide but then spend the next days/weeks/months covertly punishing the other person for that poor behavior without ever saying anything at all.


Yikes that would be a hard way to live with someone like this


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Rowan said:


> I think there's a difference between avoiding a conflict over something you don't feel warrants a blow-up and being passive-aggressive. The PA response to your scenario would not be to let poor behavior slide without comment the first time but confront that same behavior the next time. The PA response would be to supposedly let the poor behavior slide but then spend the next days/weeks/months covertly punishing the other person for that poor behavior without ever saying anything at all.


This, unfortunately, describes me to a T. I always try to avoid conflict (somehow this was ingrained in me at an early age), and when the wife does something that I don't like (like cuss in front of the kids), I'll say something like "fudge" if she drops an f-bomb. Problem is if she's really mad, she'll just say the f-word several times in succession because she doesn't care, and instead of confronting her, I just leave. She also lets her one sibling walk all over her, and if I say something, she just goes off on me, and instead of fighting back, I'll just seethe internally. 

I know it's not the right thing to do, and that I need to fight back (I did once about a month ago and it seemed to work), but it can be hard.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I don't really see the above example as passive aggressive unless the person has the intent to get even or hurt the offending individual. When I think PA I think intentional hurt,revenge,etc. I don't think avoiding unnecessary conflict is PA.
> ....


This. I was/am P/A. The passive is avoiding the conflict. The aggressive is 'making you pay for it'. All sorts of levels, but essentially, even though I don't want to, I will do what you ask. And I'll resent it, demonizing you in my head. Then do little things back that I know annoy, hurt or bother you. 

Example: I want to watch a tv show. My wife asks me to clean the kitchen. I might put up a little defense, but cave to her "reasoning". Then I'm grumpy... missing my show... knowing she could be doing this... etc. When I'm done, I tell her I'm going to go play on the computer now that my chores are done; something she hates. I'm not really wanting to play, just to let her sit there, by herself, and stew that I'm playing again. And I will whine about missing my show for a few days. She's enabling too; She will see when it's on again and make sure I can see it... It's a nasty little dynamic.

Generally, I'd imagine it feels like you are dealing with a teenager.

I'm better... not perfect. Harder to break when they are enabling it to work.


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## BaxJanson (Apr 4, 2013)

Even in MC, my wife does this: 

"I'm so angry at you because you didn't do this last week!"

Uhhh, you didn't say anything about that to me. Did you ask for that?

"No, because I knew you would say no!"

Once we hit that point it's usually a short slide to her "I'm the only one even trying anymore - you've completely given up on the marriage!" and when called on that, we hop to "You're right - it's all my fault, I'm such a horrible person. It's no wonder you hate me and want to leave me."


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My dad asked me to go help him work on a house he was building on the beach. DH didn't want to go, didn't want me to go. Torn between pleasing both of them, I went. I came back and DH informed me that he had decided to remodel the garage and had a beam fall on him, which was my fault since I hadn't been there to protect him. For a good 10 years after that, any time he was mad, he used this one event to say "Fine! you just go 'gallivanting around' wherever you please and being selfish; that's what you're good at." All because he decided to do it on his own because I had left.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

turnera said:


> My dad asked me to go help him work on a house he was building on the beach. DH didn't want to go, didn't want me to go. Torn between pleasing both of them, I went. I came back and DH informed me that he had decided to remodel the garage and had a beam fall on him, which was my fault since I hadn't been there to protect him. For a good 10 years after that, any time he was mad, he used this one event to say "Fine! you just go 'gallivanting around' wherever you please and being selfish; that's what you're good at." All because he decided to do it on his own because I had left.


This may be a difference between UK and US English. In Britain, we would not call that "passive agressive" but "being a knob".


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

woman said:


> Another thing, and I'm not sure if this counts as passive-aggressive, is being beckoned or called from another room by someone who wants to talk to you, rather than them approaching themselves. God I hate that, and often passive-aggressively respond by pretending not to hear.


My H has ALWAYS expected me to get up and come to him. Only in the past year have I stopped doing it (every time). He now brings his stuff to me half the time. I also stopped being the only person to answer the telephone. Are you going to answer that? No. Uh, ok.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Racer said:


> This. I was/am P/A. The passive is avoiding the conflict. The aggressive is 'making you pay for it'. All sorts of levels, but essentially, even though I don't want to, I will do what you ask. And I'll resent it, demonizing you in my head. Then do little things back that I know annoy, hurt or bother you.
> 
> Example: I want to watch a tv show. My wife asks me to clean the kitchen. I might put up a little defense, but cave to her "reasoning". Then I'm grumpy... missing my show... knowing she could be doing this... etc. When I'm done, I tell her I'm going to go play on the computer now that my chores are done; something she hates. I'm not really wanting to play, just to let her sit there, by herself, and stew that I'm playing again. And I will whine about missing my show for a few days. She's enabling too; She will see when it's on again and make sure I can see it... It's a nasty little dynamic.
> 
> ...


Yep, agree with your first sentence. I have knowledge of something that my wife did (nothing like infidelity or anything like that, but something that ticks me off and she's know this, which is why she won't tell me) but she doesn't know that I know. I want to keep it that way for now, but (without going into details so this is very vague) there's something that I do every day that I haven't done the past few days because I'm ticked off. Totally P/A on my part, and not proud of it. At the time, it's easier for me to avoid conflict, but down the road you realize it would probably have been better to make your feelings known instead of stewing.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

PA is not always about avoiding conflict. Quite often, it's about creating conflict and in a way that your hands "don't get dirty."

There will always be someone around who will say "I'm sure he/ she didn't mean it that way."


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I think everyone uses passive aggressive behavior sometimes, because it can just be easier than actually having an immediate conflict. Often I think it comes from a disconnect between what you *know* is the right thing to do and what you *feel* like doing. "My wife is right that I said that I would wash the dishes and forgot to do it, but I don't feel like being told what to do and would rather watch my tv show" So your rational mind stops you from directly arguing with her, but your emotional self makes you do a sloppy job or leave the kitchen without finishing.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

There are times when PA behavior is very effective. For example, if someone calls you by a name that you don't approve of, you don't respond. Fair enough.

the problem with PA is being in a relationship in which --as the therapists claim -- open honest dialogue should be occurring. If I have to constantly phrase my concerns and needs in a contrary way because I know from experience being direct about what I want will get me the opposite, I will go crazy. And when I can check out of the relationship.

Let me give you an example.

My mother, over the decades, has played a little game with me in which she creates alternative pronunciations for words and names for people. When I was younger and was taught not "to read into" other people's actions, I could get caught into a loop with my mother in which she never says something correctly no matter how hard I try.

Then there were occasions in which she would become openly angry and say "you know who / what I am talking about."

Ironically, I remember once I got caught in a loop like this with my grandmother "ie what's the young man's name again?" and mu mother got involved and ended it. I was going to a therapist at the time. I mentioned this situation. "Oh, it's nothing," he said and then he moved me on to another topic.

since then, though, when I hear something incorrectly, I say simply "I don't know what you are talking about." If I am pressed, I say "I honestly don't know. I guess I am stupid." I beat my mother to the punch.

The last time we had similar incident was a few months ago. My mother had just spent 2 weeks in South Africa and wanted to tell me about it.

She mentioned that she went on a tour to "Bosawatamy" or whatever. "Oh, that's interesting,"  I said. She came back to it and said the same thing. I made no remarks. So she asked me "is that the correct pronunciation of that place?"

I said, "I don't know. You were just there. How do they pronounce it?"

the silence after that was deafening. She then told me about the rest of her trip and never mentioned that place again.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My DD23 (a psychology grad student) simply refuses to cooperate any more with her dad. When he pushes one of his PA things, she doesn't even look at him; just says "I don't participate in passive aggressive actions." He has no choice but to move on.


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