# why should i stay when wife told i am not in love with you?



## mellon2 (Oct 8, 2012)

I have been married for almost 13 years and my wife told me almost 3 months ago that she is not in love with me and does not want to have any sexual relationship with me at all. But she does not want to get a divorce either and she just wants to "be". 
We have two children ages 8 and 6, we never fight and we do get a long well. She just wants to be here for the kids.
I really don't know what to do. I love my wife very much and my children and i want to stay together as a family but how can i be with someone that does not love me? We all need affection and love so i don't understand what she is doing. 
We are both professionals with very good jobs and great income so that is not the problem. i take care of most of the house stuff and kids duty such as homework, soccer practice, take and pick up from school etc....
We have had our ups and down over the last 5 years, we actually separated for a few months because she was not happy at all. We did go a marriage counselor and it did work for a while. She is just an unhappy person or maybe she is unhappy with me. 
I really don't know what to do. Half of my brain is telling me to move on and get a divorce and the other half is telling me to stay together and don't give up. 
Any advise.
Thank


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Usually when a wife says this, there is an affair either happening or about to happen.... Is there another man in the picture that you know about?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I'm willing to bet she is having an affair. Start some serious snooping and get some facts. This is too strange.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Affair.
Definitely an affair there.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

better start digging deeper here, she's up to something or about to be...


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I really don't know what to do. I love my wife very much and my children and i want to stay together as a family but how can i be with someone that does not love me? We all need affection and love so i don't understand what she is doing.


Look, you know you can't live without love and affection, so don't fool yourself into thinking you can. 

Don't stay "for the children". They will learn what a "marriage" is by seeing your example. Don't stay and teach them that marriages are loveless and people live separate lives without affection or love.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

affair. i agree with the others. must be.

ya see. she cant screw you now because then she would be cheating on the other guy that isnt her husband.

strange eh?

no really. seems some of them think this way even though it is backasswords.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

mellon2 said:


> i take care of most of the house stuff and kids duty such as homework, soccer practice, take and pick up from school etc....
> 
> Any advise.
> Thank


You're the live in nanny that pays 1/2 the bills. Works out for her, no sex and you take care of the household. Plus, she doesn't have to pay you a damn penny and you actually get to pay her to live there, take care of the house and the kids and she gets to do whatever she wants.

She wins, you lose.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Like they said, find the affair, see CWI for how to do that.

Don't argue anymore with her until you find evidence. If you don't find anything in say a month of monitoring, then investigate other possibilities.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Yeah, good chance there's an affair here

Get the cell phone bill from your carrier (with all the call detail) and look at who she's texting/calling all the time. Look for a lot of calls/texts to one or two numbers

Buy a voice activated recorder or two and place one under the front seat of her car. Cheaters are very comfortable talking on the phone in their cars. Use the 2nd one so you can switch them out while you listen to the other.

Get a keylogger on your PC too and most important (if you haven't done so already) don't ask her if she's having an affair. Investigate quietly and get hard evidence

Have her do half the things you've been doing. Sounds as if you're carrying more of the childcare load than she is.


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## hubbyfetish (Oct 2, 2012)

My opinion...don't stay in it for the kids. That is one excuse that I hear people say all the time and it just drives me crazy. Sure it is possible that staying in it for the long haul could be good for the kids, but there is that chance that staying could be bad for the kids.

Sounds like the MC only worked for a bit. Have you asked her about each of you going to IC? 

Sure there could be an affair going on, seems like a pretty popular belief from other post. You can do some digging and see what you fine. Cell phone record would be a good place to start and another good place would be email.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

mellon2 said:


> I have been married for almost 13 years and my wife told me almost 3 months ago that she is not in love with me and does not want to have any sexual relationship with me at all. But she does not want to get a divorce either and she just wants to "be".
> We have two children ages 8 and 6, we never fight and we do get a long well. She just wants to be here for the kids.
> I really don't know what to do. I love my wife very much and my children and i want to stay together as a family but how can i be with someone that does not love me? We all need affection and love so i don't understand what she is doing.
> We are both professionals with very good jobs and great income so that is not the problem. i take care of most of the house stuff and kids duty such as homework, soccer practice, take and pick up from school etc....
> ...


If she is cheating......

She may not want to divorce ...yet....until the OM leaves his wife for her although not likely to happen (they usually don't) so that would make you plan B.

I am sorry about all of this.


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