# Sexless Marriage and the Fantasy Girl



## alittlehelp (Jun 9, 2017)

Where to begin??? My wife and I have had more trials and tribulations in our marriage than anyone I know. We’ve been married for 15 years, and have a 6 year old daughter. A little background and then I’ll get to my current problem… My wife is from Mexico and she moved to the US after we got married, after about a year she was suffering from depression and could’t handle making the transition to a new country so she wanted to go back. I didn't want to get divorced so I decided I would go with her and try and make it work. I’ve now been in Mexico for 13 years. At first everything was great. After a couple of years my wife had health problems and had to have surgery, she then had to have an additional 3 emergency surgeries and almost died with the last one. The recovery process was slow, but eventually she got better. She suffers from post traumatic stress, and anxiety as a result of the surgeries. After a few years we had a baby, and with the exception of the sex we had to have the baby (which became very routine) since then our sex life has been almost nonexistent. It went from a couple times a month, to birthdays and anniversaries, to once every few months, and even then it seemed like more of a chore. My wife has no sex drive, and I have always had an overactive one, so you can see the problem. 

A problem for me is that I’ve become less and less sexually attracted to my wife, possibly as a coping mechanism to save me from feeling reject by her not wanting to have sex. So over the past year I’ve been self-servicing and outsourcing my sexual needs by visiting website with cam girls. The problem (besides the expense) is that I’m becoming addicted to not only these sites, but to one girl in particular. I’ve never been able to separate sex from intimacy and emotion. This girl is a total fantasy, beautiful, exotic, sweet, and MUCH younger than me, we’ve been seeing each other on the site for a few months now, and she has expressed that she has feelings for me, and I have developed feelings for her as well. I know it’s just a fantasy and there’s no future. I don’t want to leave my wife for her, but the fantasy is just too tempting. I want to tell the girl that I’m addicted to the cams and need to stop, but I must admit that what I really want is for her to tell me that she wants to continue the relationship outside of the cam room, but I know that would be wrong too. I don’t want to cheat, but I may have already depending on how you look at it. I guess I just don’t want to do any more damage to my marriage, but I also can’t stand the thought of going back to my nonsexual life with my wife. Any advice?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Man you are headed 100 miles an hour into a brick wall. Stop the cam girl stuff today! Tell you wife you need to get into IC presumably with a sex therapist and if that doesn't happen you are soon headed into divorce. What is happening now is unsustainable.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

alittlehelp said:


> This girl is a total fantasy, beautiful, I know it’s just a fantasy and there’s no future.
> ...but I must admit that what I really want is for her to tell me that she wants to continue the relationship outside of the cam room
> 
> Any advice?


Just read it back to yourself. You are holding 2 thoughts at the same time fantasy/relationship.

You do know cam girls have NO interest in their customers other than fleecing as much money out of their lonely clients as they possibly can. 

So they pretend to be really, really interested in your life and they are definitely really, really interested in that older man who masturbates to strangers rather than sort out his relationship problems. $$$$


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Your fantasy is hurting you. It's preventing you from finding ways to fix your marriage, or leave it.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Cam girls know they are a fantasy, and they play to your desires so you will keep coming back and spending your money. She doesn't actually want a relationship with you or have feelings for you... She is telling you she does because she knows that is what you crave.

She does this for a LIVING. when she's not on with you, she's telling the same crap to some other lonely soul just like you. 

Living in this fantasy world is creating an emotional block that keeps you from fixing your marriage. Time, physical energy, and emotional energy, not to mention money! that should be directed towards fixing your relationship is being usurped by this virtual siren.

You need to stop NOW and prioritize.

Is your wife in therapy? Have you guys tried marriage counseling?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i personally do not think a man can survive a sexless marriage. I feel for you. Talk to her about the inevitable divorce she is causing by refusing you sex. Is she a US citizen now? I wonder if there was some bait and switch to get you to marry her?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

alittlehelp said:


> I don’t want to cheat, but I may have already depending on how you look at it. I guess I just don’t want to do any more damage to my marriage, but I also can’t stand the thought of going back to my nonsexual life with my wife.


If you enjoy fantasy and do not actually need sex with another person, perhaps your wife could role play and encourage you to enjoy taking care of your own needs while the two of you are playful together.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

alittlehelp said:


> Where to begin??? My wife and I have had more trials and tribulations in our marriage than anyone I know. We’ve been married for 15 years, and have a 6 year old daughter. A little background and then I’ll get to my current problem… My wife is from Mexico and she moved to the US after we got married, after about a year she was suffering from depression and could’t handle making the transition to a new country so she wanted to go back. I didn't want to get divorced so I decided I would go with her and try and make it work. I’ve now been in Mexico for 13 years. At first everything was great. After a couple of years my wife had health problems and had to have surgery, she then had to have an additional 3 emergency surgeries and almost died with the last one. The recovery process was slow, but eventually she got better. She suffers from post traumatic stress, and anxiety as a result of the surgeries. After a few years we had a baby, and with the exception of the sex we had to have the baby (which became very routine) since then our sex life has been almost nonexistent. It went from a couple times a month, to birthdays and anniversaries, to once every few months, and even then it seemed like more of a chore. My wife has no sex drive, and I have always had an overactive one, so you can see the problem.
> 
> A problem for me is that I’ve become less and less sexually attracted to my wife, possibly as a coping mechanism to save me from feeling reject by her not wanting to have sex. So over the past year I’ve been self-servicing and outsourcing my sexual needs by visiting website with cam girls. The problem (besides the expense) is that I’m becoming addicted to not only these sites, but to one girl in particular. I’ve never been able to separate sex from intimacy and emotion. This girl is a total fantasy, beautiful, exotic, sweet, and MUCH younger than me, we’ve been seeing each other on the site for a few months now, and she has expressed that she has feelings for me, and I have developed feelings for her as well. I know it’s just a fantasy and there’s no future. I don’t want to leave my wife for her, but the fantasy is just too tempting. I want to tell the girl that I’m addicted to the cams and need to stop, but I must admit that what I really want is for her to tell me that she wants to continue the relationship outside of the cam room, but I know that would be wrong too. I don’t want to cheat, but I may have already depending on how you look at it. I guess I just don’t want to do any more damage to my marriage, but I also can’t stand the thought of going back to my nonsexual life with my wife. Any advice?


Be honest with your wife. The thing with the cam girl is only a fantasy, you are a sucker, she knows that.
Tell your wife, you both get help with a sex therapist or the marriage is over as you needs are not being met.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

alittlehelp said:


> This girl is a total fantasy, beautiful, exotic, sweet, and MUCH younger than me, we’ve been seeing each other on the site for a few months now, and she has expressed that she has feelings for me, and I have developed feelings for her as well.


If I had a dime for every fool who fell for a stripper or a prostitute and now, a 'web cam girl,' I'd be rich.

*Job #1 *for these women is to take as MUCH money from a fool such as yourself as she possibly can. As long as you're racking up the charges, she'll tell you *anything you want to hear*. Do you really think you're the only desperate, horny married guy OUT there that she plays with online, and that you're unique? Guys like you are EXACTLY who she talks to all day long. Because you're the ones desperate enough and lonely enough to continually throw money at these girls. After she hangs up with you, she goes onto the next sap in line and tells *HIM* how she's "developing feelings for him" while HIS credit card continues to climb - just like yours did only minutes before.



> I know it’s just a fantasy and there’s no future. I don’t want to leave my wife for her, but the fantasy is just too tempting.


Alright, I admit it. I actually laughed out LOUD when I read this ridiculous statement. I'm _so _sure a beautiful young woman half your age - who could probably get anyone she wants - is just DYING to run off with a middle-aged, pitiful married man with kids, who pays cam women to help him jerk off when his wife is sleeping or not at home. :rofl::rofl:

Get a freakin' grip for crying out loud.

Time for a Come to Jesus talk with the wife.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its very difficult to live in a sexless marriage. That is the problem you need to work on. Have you talked with your wife? Does she understand how much this is hurting you?

If she can't / won't change, then you have a number of options:

Live without sex. If you are going that route, I see nothing wrong with developing a porn habit, but stay away from cam girls and other real interactions. They are fake, and will just sucker you out of a ton of money. Its essentially a form of cheating. 

If you are gong to cheat, then go cheat. Have an affair with a real woman. I strongly recommend against this, but it at least you would be being honest with yourself about what you are doing, rather than a completely dishonest "relationship" with a cam girl.

Leave - this may be the best option. There is nothing wrong with leaving a sexless marriage if you have made all reasonable attempts to fix it.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

"A fool and his money are soon parted."


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## alittlehelp (Jun 9, 2017)

A bit more background for those of you who were confused. I'm a US citizen, but my parents are both from Mexico, so I speak fluent Spanish. For the people who are referring to the visa scam, or implying that my wife married me for a green card, that couldn't be further from the truth. We got married, moved to the US, lived there a year, then moved back to Mexico. If she wanted to be in the US, she would be. That's actually beside the point. I think the only reason I even mentioned it was to show that I have made sacrifices for her and the marriage. I don't want to get a divorce, I don't want my child to grow up without a dad, or splitting time between tow countries. I know I need to work on the issues in my marriage. And I really appreciate all of your words and advice. 

I have struggled with addictions in my life and this cam thing is just the latest one. I have officially stopped (as of today). I told the cam girl I would no longer be seeing her, and I canceled my account. The only "good" thing is that I wasn't really addicted to the cams, It was really about this particular girl. I've taken steps to stop that behavior, and I'm not going to be in the cam rooms anymore either. 

You're all 100% right, I guess I just needed to come to terms with what I was doing, say it out loud and have it read back to me to snap out of it. I am seeing a therapist and working through my issues. And my wife and I will be going to couples counseling.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Good that you've ended the cam girl. 

There is lots of free porn out there. If your wife won't have sex with you, then feel free to indulge in porn - but nothing you need to pay for, and nothing interactive. All of that is fake anyway -the girls are just laughing at you as soon as you sign off. 




alittlehelp said:


> I know. You're 100% right, I guess I just needed to come to terms with it and snap out of it. I am seeing a therapist and working through the issues. As for the cam girl I've officially ended that.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

alittlehelp said:


> A bit more background for those of you who were confused. I'm a US citizen, but my parents are both from Mexico, so I speak fluent Spanish. For the people who are referring to the visa scam, or implying that my wife married me for a green card, that couldn't be further from the truth. We got married, moved to the US, lived there a year, then moved back to Mexico. If she wanted to be in the US, she would be. That's actually beside the point. I think the only reason I even mentioned it was to show that I have made sacrifices for her and the marriage. I don't want to get a divorce, I don't want my child to grow up without a dad, or splitting time between tow countries. I know I need to work on the issues in my marriage. And I really appreciate all of your words and advice.
> 
> I have struggled with addictions in my life and this cam thing is just the latest one. I have officially stopped (as of today). I told the cam girl I would no longer be seeing her, and I canceled my account. The only "good" thing is that I wasn't really addicted to the cams, It was really about this particular girl. I've taken steps to stop that behavior, and I'm not going to be in the cam rooms anymore either.
> 
> You're all 100% right, I guess I just needed to come to terms with what I was doing, say it out loud and have it read back to me to snap out of it. I am seeing a therapist and working through my issues. And my wife and I will be going to couples counseling.


Great changes. I would like to make two suggestions. The first is get the book by MW Davis the Sex Starved Marriage. Read it and study it. I helped me save my sex starved marriage. 

Second, rather than couples counseling, go to a board certified sex therapist. They are marriage counselors with extra training in sexual problems. One helped save my marriage. 

Good luck.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

alittlehelp said:


> I’m addicted to the cams and need to stop, but I must admit that what I really want is for her to tell me that she wants to continue the relationship outside of the cam room, but I know that would be wrong too.


I'm very happy for you because it's pretty clear to me that she really likes you and will likely be a sweet lovely new wife for you. Why would a cam girl be less than honest with one of her frequent customers? In fact, they are probably almost as known for their honesty as used car salesmen.


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