# Tired of Trying



## sadgirl (Dec 28, 2008)

Need some advice. I have been married for 7 seven years and have a 3 year old. For the last four years I have been wanting to go to counseling because I saw problems in our relationship and he thought nothing was wrong. Over the years life has gotten far too complicated and now we both are very unhappy and do not want to spend anytime together. We have nothing in common except we work together all day (which I think was a huge mistake from the beginning). We are only happy together when we are around our child. We went to counseling 5 times which of course isn't enough but I was so frustrated that I didn't feel like we were getting anywhere. I am scared I am sticking this out for my child and I know that is not healthy either. I don't like being around him anymore because of the anger and resentment that has built up over the years. The slightest little things he does just pushes me over the edge. I have no patience. 
I know this isn't a lot of information to go off of but any advice would help.


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## cmmcafee (Dec 28, 2008)

I am in a similar situation, I have been with my husband a total of 6 years, we have a two year old..so in one year.. I would be where you are now. 

We hate being around each other. I am happier when he is not around.

You ONLY LIVE once. You owe it to your child to leave... your husband will be able to visit the child, you two will be friendly with eachother unlike now... and that will help your child.

I am a child of divorce...and I am just fine... I see it was better and I lived a happier life because my mom left my dad. Children learn from example..be a strong person and move on with your life and be happy...and your child will end up happier and well adjusted becaues you are.
good luck.. its hard at first, but trust me, it will be easier and you will be HAPPY.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

I have been in your shoes. I'm working hard right now to find something in common again with my H. Something beyond our daughter (also 3) and the day to day mundane. Get back into counseling! What is stopping you? If you felt you weren't getting anywhere the last time you went, it's probably because you didn't have the right therapist. My husband and I spent too much time with a counselor who wasn't helping us. You have to find the one that is the right fit for you, your husband and your situation. We found one that we both liked and who helped us quite a bit. She didn't work miracles....we are not "fixed"....but we are doing better.

I often struggle with being in my head too much. I can hold on to every little thing H has done that bugs/angers/hurts/etc me and get stuck in that loop for a long time. I try to wake up every morning and make the CHOICE to be happy with my H. We can't change what has already happened. But I can CHOOSE to be nice and happy.

Go back to counseling. Find a counselor that is a good fit for you.


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## Junebug (Dec 7, 2008)

I think you at least need to give it an honest try any time there are kids involved. My H and I are dealing with a lot of issues and are currently trying to decide if the issues can be fixed or if it's best to just move on. We have 3 kids together and I think that for the sake of our family it's only fair to give it our absolute best shot and know in my heart I did what I could. The therapist we found is amazing- she is a wonderful woman. She has helped us both more than I ever could have imagined, including how to communicate with each other, and how/why the things the bug us inside really bug us. It's a very good feeling, and although I still don't know if it will work in the end, I know that I will always have the things I learnt from her, and that I gave our family the best chance I could. I PERSONALLY don't believe in just staying together for the kids. I deserve to be happy, and my kids do as well. They will always have 2 parents that love them, and in my situation, if I am a happier person I believe that will be a reflection of them. Some one once said to me "if it was your daughter, what would you want for her??". Well that's easy, I want her to be the happiest she can be. There are many different opinions but I believe that if I know in my heart I tried, I will be able to leave with a clear heart and hopefully help my children in the future. I have a few friends whose parents just stuck together for the sake of the kids and then split when the kids moved out, and EVERY ONE of them tells me their home was hell to live in as kids... that they would have rather had their parents split up and at least be happy. I still have a lot of thinking to do, I don't know where I will end up, but I am thinking it all through and not making any rash decisions... there is a lot at stake. Good luck, I know this forum has helped me, I hope you find some help from it too. Hugs to you.


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