# I followed my instincts again and what a surprise!



## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

I am new to this forum, sorry if I posted here right away. 

I caught my husband again,
I just had this urge to check his phone, because I cant seem to even touch it even though we've been married for almost 5 years now. 

I checked his phone last night and I saw another video sent to him by a girl playing with her ups and downs. 

He promised me that he would never be involved in this kind of thing again and that he would be honest with me. But again, he lied to me. 

I asked him if there's anything he would like to discuss with me. Anything at all. He said nothing.
I still havent even recovered from his previous affairs with multiple ladies and now this. 

I've forgiven him multiple times but I can never seem to forget.

I always talk to him about it, but now I dont think I can confront him about the same thing again.
Before we got married, after we got married, during our newly wed phase, and again recently. He’s back at it again.

I dont know what to do anymore.
Ive already been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and I just cant take any more of these pills. It's just too much.

I have no one to talk to and it's just eating me up inside.

Divorce is not an option due to our religion.
Also, I don't want to even if it were an option.

My husband is my one and only lover ever since. I only dated one guy and that person is now my husband.

I dont know what else to do aside from crying and keeping it all to myself.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

So your religion says he can cheat on you whenever he wants?


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> So your religion says he can cheat on you whenever he wants?



It's just that, I love him so much and it's a really difficult and long process for divorce and I dont really want to leave him.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I am new to this forum, sorry if I posted here right away.
> 
> I caught my husband again,
> I just had this urge to check his phone, because I cant seem to even touch it even though we've been married for almost 5 years now.
> ...


Are you catholic.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Are you catholic.


Yes, I am.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Then I guess there’s not much to be done except accept this is who he is, right? He may change some day but in case he doesn’t you need to focus on your own life so you aren’t so devastated by what he does.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You’re calling yourself intuitive and I’m thinking ….. you basically already knew he was, know he is, and know he’s going to continue. That’s not really intuitive. 
catholics give divorces for constant infidelity.
It’s not your religion holding you back. It’s you. You chose, and are still choosing to be with a cheater. We can’t choose for you.

surely you realize he is who he always was— a philanderer. He’s not gonna have an epiphany.

Please don’t blame this on being Catholic.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> Then I guess there’s not much to be done except accept this is who he is, right? He may change some day but in case he doesn’t you need to focus on your own life so you aren’t so devastated by what he does.


I guess you're right. 
Since I chose to live like this. Then I really think there's nothing that can be done or no words to say that can make things seem lighter.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> It's just that, I love him so much and it's a really difficult and long process for divorce and I dont really want to leave him.


You are only a chump if you allow it.
Do you love him bringing other women into your marriage? Do you love not being able to trust him?
If you do then you’ll get a lot more of what you’ve gotten. Are you gonna love that?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> It's just that, I love him so much and it's a really difficult and long process for divorce and I dont really want to leave him.


An affair ends the marriage. You don't have a marriage, other than what is on the piece of paper.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I guess you're right.
> Since I chose to live like this. Then I really think there's nothing that can be done or no words to say that can make things seem lighter.


Unfortunately, you’re correct. This is something you’ll likely have to learn to live with since he’s a serial cheater and you aren’t willing to end it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I guess you're right.
> Since I chose to live like this. Then I really think there's nothing that can be done or no words to say that can make things seem lighter.


There are. It goes like this: I hereby declare that I’m divorcing thee, due to your nonstop infidelity. Get thee an attorney.
Thou art a horrible person.
Sorry, I was thinking Quaker for a second.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am a Christian and I doubt very much if God would want you being married to a man who lies, cheats, deceives and treats you so appallingly. It's making you ill and it won't get better. Why should he stop, he knows you won't do anything.
Is this the sort of man you want as a father to your children? He has no moral values or integrity.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> You’re calling yourself intuitive and I’m thinking ….. you basically already knew he was, know he is, and know he’s going to continue. That’s not really intuitive.
> catholics give divorces for constant infidelity.
> It’s not your religion holding you back. It’s you. You chose, and are still choosing to be with a cheater. We can’t choose for you.
> 
> ...



Yes, I already did say that it was on me not choosing divorce. 
As for being a catholic, it was the process of divorce.

Being Intuitive is simply being instinctive. 

I'm sorry for posting this then. I was just hoping for advice or something. I never would've thought that this would lead to people attacking me. 

So sorry. 

I do appreciate your opinion.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> There are. It goes like this: I hereby declare that I’m divorcing thee, due to your nonstop infidelity. Get thee an attorney.
> Thou art a horrible person.
> Sorry, I was thinking Quaker for a second.


I dont know why but for some reason your reply is kind of funny. Maybe its how you put it. 

Thank you for the laughs.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You are _Catholic_, and your religion keeps you miserable..

If you get a divorce, it will be _cathartic_ for you.

A divorce will relieve you of your misery, who is your tormentor, your husband.

I would get that civil divorce, and then join another, more reasonable Christian Church.

It is more important to follow _Christ_, who is _The_ _Son of God_, then to follow a mere man, who is the Pope.




_Lilith-_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> Yes, I already did say that it was on me not choosing divorce.
> As for being a catholic, it was the process of divorce.
> 
> Being Intuitive is simply being instinctive.
> ...


I don’t mean to attack you. But what can anyone advise? I apologize and won’t post further on your thread


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> I am a Christian and I doubt very much if God would want you being married to a man who lies, cheats, deceives and treats you so appallingly. It's making you ill and it won't get better. Why should he stop, he knows you won't do anything.
> Is this the sort of man you want as a father to your children? He has no moral values or integrity.



I think you're right. 
Oh my goodness. YOU ARE RIGHT. 
(Sorry I just remembered something from the past and it all makes sense now)

THANK YOU!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> Yes, I already did say that it was on me not choosing divorce.
> As for being a catholic, it was the process of divorce.
> 
> Being Intuitive is simply being instinctive.
> ...


Have you talked to a church counselor about this at least?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You can’t make him change. What he does is his choice. What you do is your choice.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t mean to attack you. But what can anyone advise? I apologize and won’t post further on your thread


I appreciate your frankness. It really hit me and that's only because everything you said were true. 

Thank you very much!

Sorry if I sounded mean as well or something else. But I am not mad or anything. 

Thank you!


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Have you talked to a church counselor about this at least?


I havent spoken to anyone about this, this is the first time im sharing this.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I guess you're right.
> Since I chose to live like this. Then I really think there's nothing that can be done or no words to say that can make things seem lighter.


@Mrs. Intuitive What you're experiencing is not what God intended for marriage.
I think you know this already.

Unfortunately, free will also allows your husband to behave any way he wants as long as it's legal.

So that leaves you in a bad spot.

You can accept what he is doing as part of your marriage. This is a terrible way to live and I would not recommend this. You will be miserable for the rest of your married life, which may eventually end with him leaving you for another woman anyway.

Or you can put your foot down, talk to the church leaders, and start considering divorce.
If this doesn't work you'll have to have the strength to divorce regardless.
I know that's not the ideal thing, but you are meant to have a happy & fruitful life. Not one living in constant pain and confusion about your husband and his mistresses.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> You can’t make him change. What he does is his choice. What you do is your choice.


I thought I could at least change him for the better. Since before we got married, he was much worse. 

But I noticed the change in him, I thought I could make it happen, that he can be a better man.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Let’s go back, why doyou have anyone to talk to?

Have you still got contact with your friends and family? Have you been allowed to have contact with male friends?

Did you have a good group of friends before you married him?


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> @Mrs. Intuitive What you're experiencing is not what God intended for marriage.
> I think you know this already.
> 
> Unfortunately, free will also allows your husband to behave any way he wants as long as it's legal.
> ...


I have nothing else to say. 

I think this is exactly what I was hoping to hear(read).

It sure is going to be a painful journey. But I will follow your advice.

Im truly thankful for your words.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I thought I could at least change him for the better. Since before we got married, he was much worse.
> 
> But I noticed the change in him, I thought I could make it happen, that he can be a better man.


No, you really cannot. That’s wishful thinking. He’s the only one in charge of that and so far he doesn’t care enough to fix the problem. Accept him for who he is and perhaps one day he really may change but it will only be if and when he wants to.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I have nothing else to say.
> 
> I think this is exactly what I was hoping to hear(read).
> 
> ...


I hope the best for you as you go through this terrible journey.

I suggest you keep posting here on TAM.
The people here can be rather direct, but they have much wisdom and can help along the way.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

Luckylucky said:


> Let’s go back, why doyou have anyone to talk to?
> 
> Have you still got contact with your friends and family? Have you been allowed to have contact with male friends?
> 
> Did you have a good group of friends before you married him?


I still have contact with my family, but whenever I bring it up, they would say that its just me thinking it and that I should be a better wife. They feel like im the abusive one in our marriage. 

Sad to say but Inused to have good friends. Now they're all gone. So I guess they weren't really my friends?


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> No, you really cannot. That’s wishful thinking. He’s the only one in charge of that and so far he doesn’t care enough to fix the problem. Accept him for who he is and perhaps one day he really may change but it will only be if and when he wants to.


You're most definitely right. 
I guess, since I choose to hold on to this marriage, then all I have to do is suck it all up and be patient and just keep loving him. Maybe one day he will realize that he doesnt really have to seek other women. 

I know I'm helpless and pathetic, but thank you for being honest.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I hope the best for you as you go through this terrible journey.
> 
> I suggest you keep posting here on TAM.
> The people here can be rather direct, but they have much wisdom and can help along the way.



Thank you.

I know that now. At first I thought what someone said was kind of harsh, but after a few seconds, I realize they were just being straightforward and frank. 
I'm still new to this thing so I took the reply in a wrong way but I know now that they meant well. 

Again, thank you. Thank you so much.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> An affair ends the marriage. You don't have a marriage, other than what is on the piece of paper.


I never thought of it this way. 
I thought marriage can always be fixed. 
I guess that is also a lie.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> You're most definitely right.
> I guess, since I choose to hold on to this marriage, then all I have to do is suck it all up and be patient and just keep loving him. Maybe one day he will realize that he doesnt really have to seek other women.
> 
> I know I'm helpless and pathetic, but thank you for being honest.


He has been like this since you met him. He won't change. 
Your isn't a marriage it's a sham. I hope you will see sense.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I never thought of it this way.
> I thought marriage can always be fixed.
> I guess that is also a lie.


Occasionally a marriage does survive after an affair if the cheater is totally repentant and doesn't cheat again. Your husband isn't repentant and carries on cheating. 
He has broken his vows many times, the covenant is shattered and that's why God permits a divorce for adultery.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Occasionally a marriage does survive after an affair if the cheater is totally repentant and doesn't cheat again. Your husband isn't repentant and carries on cheating.
> He has broken his vows many times, the covenant is shattered and that's why God permits a divorce for adultery.


But, it would be okay If I try and give him another chance to make things right, right? 
To try and fix our broken marriage? For our family? 😔


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> He has been like this since you met him. He won't change.


He won’t change because he 1. Doesn’t want to and 2. Has no reason to because you won’t leave him no matter how much he hurts you. 

No one is attacking you, it makes us all sad when someone is hurt this much and won’t help themselves. 

No matter what the church says about marriage, you do not need to stay with someone who neither loves nor respects you. You will not win some magical prize for tolerating this. You will just end up old and alone with a wasted life and possibly a sexually transmitted disease if you’re still sleeping with him. This is just the truth, it’s not meant to be hurtful.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I thought I could at least change him for the better. Since before we got married, he was much worse.
> 
> But I noticed the change in him, I thought I could make it happen, that he can be a better man.


You were mistaken. You cannot change anyone but yourself. He is what he is. He is a recalcitrant adulterer. 

But you do not have to be a wife that is continually being cheated on. You can insure you are never cheated on by him again by no longer being with him or married to him. That is simple arithmetic, if you are no longer with him, he can no longer cheat on you or hurt you or break your heart. 

If you choose to remain with him, then he will. It is who and what he is. 

You knowingly married a chronic cheater and you mistakenly thought that you could change him. 

So you can continue to make the mistake of remaining with him thinking that some sort of magic is going to change him. 

Or you can terminate the relationship and move on without him so he can no longer abuse and hurt you. 

That choice is yours. it's not his. it's not the church's. It's not your family's. It is YOUR life and YOUR choice to make. 

You can take charge of your life, or you can cry a lot. That is up to you.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> But, it would be okay If I try and give him another chance to make things right, right?
> To try and fix our broken marriage? For our family? 😔


It sounds as though you’ve decided this is how you want your children to believe marriage should be. One person gives, the other takes. One person gets respect and love, the other neglect and hurt. Do you have a daughter? Is this what you want for her? Would you want your sons to treat their wives this way?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I appreciate your frankness. It really hit me and that's only because everything you said were true.
> 
> Thank you very much!
> 
> ...


It hurts to see people hurting. I suppose my own emotions of seeing you in pain and wanting you to get out of it got the better of me. Wishing you the best.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> But, it would be okay If I try and give him another chance to make things right, right?
> To try and fix our broken marriage? For our family? 😔


Honey, you don't have a family. You have a fck boi that refuses honor any semblance of a marriage.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> He won’t change because he 1. Doesn’t want to and 2. Has no reason to because you won’t leave him no matter how much he hurts you.
> 
> No one is attacking you, it makes us all sad when someone is hurt this much and won’t help themselves.
> 
> No matter what the church says about marriage, you do not need to stay with someone who neither loves nor respects you. You will not win some magical prize for tolerating this. You will just end up old and alone with a wasted life and possibly a sexually transmitted disease if you’re still sleeping with him. This is just the truth, it’s not meant to be hurtful.


I understand and I do know that nobody is attacking anybody. I was just caught by surprise earlier. 
But yes, I do know what you mean. 

I think the only thing is that, he isnt seeing the woman physically, just virtually. So, I dont have to worry about stds. 

Sorry for trying to joke around. Im still trying to see the good in him, the man he once was.

We've been together for 8 years and 5 years of marriage. 4 of those he was a great man. I still believe he's somewhere in him that is just blinded by lust. 😔


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I understand and I do know that nobody is attacking anybody. I was just caught by surprise earlier.
> But yes, I do know what you mean.
> 
> I think the only thing is that, he isnt seeing the woman physically, just virtually. So, I dont have to worry about stds.
> ...


You’re fooling yourself. On purpose. Because the right answer to this is just awful. It upends your life, it’s long and hard and unpleasant.
But is it really worse than living with someone who doesn’t love or respect you? A year or so of hardship to have a chance to be happy? Versus a lifetime of sadness and shame?


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> Honey, you don't have a family. You have a fck boi that refuses honor any semblance of a marriage.





Evinrude58 said:


> It hurts to see people hurting. I suppose my own emotions of seeing you in pain and wanting you to get out of it got the better of me. Wishing you the best.


That's exactly what I realized after a few seconds. 
Thank you for taking your time in saying what you had to say. I really appreciate it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I understand and I do know that nobody is attacking anybody. I was just caught by surprise earlier.
> But yes, I do know what you mean.
> 
> I think the only thing is that, he isnt seeing the woman physically, just virtually. So, I dont have to worry about stds.
> ...


You said he was like this even before you were married.


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## Gyro (10 mo ago)

Mrs Intuitive

Another Catholic here (I am a Latin Mass traditionalist), with 40 years of marriage behind us.

Taking everything you have said at face value (this is my assumption), you may well be able to argue a case that you have an invalid Catholic marriage.

I am not a Canon lawyer, and this is complex, but there is a good case that your husband never meant his sacramental vows. If he was a philanderer before the marriage, and has not stopped after marriage, then his vows were made falsely. False vows can nullify the marriage. See here: Divorce paragraph 4. Now, this is complicated (it's Canon law, 2000 years of precedents and findings, of _course _it's complicated!) but based solely on what you have said, and assuming it is all correct, I can't see how he ever meant those vows.

"_Before we got married, after we got married, during our newly wed phase, and again recently. He’s back at it again_. " 

And if he made his vows deceptively, then the marriage may be a false marriage. I mean, you have to be serious about vows in a sacramental matter! If the vows were falsely taken, arguably he created a false marriage, and if so then it can be nullified. This is NOT 'divorce', and it frees you to marry again should you so wish.

Have a read of what's at the link, and go talk to your Parish Priest.

God bless you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> But, it would be okay If I try and give him another chance to make things right, right?
> To try and fix our broken marriage? For our family? 😔


He has done it multiple times. He has faced no consequences. He will not stop.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I still have contact with my family, but whenever I bring it up, they would say that its just me thinking it and that I should be a better wife. They feel like im the abusive one in our marriage.
> 
> Sad to say but Inused to have good friends. Now they're all gone. So I guess they weren't really my friends?


Good friends can't stand by and watch you repeatedly run in front of a train.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You’re fooling yourself. On purpose. Because the right answer to this is just awful. It upends your life, it’s long and hard and unpleasant.
> But is it really worse than living with someone who doesn’t love or respect you? A year or so of hardship to have a chance to be happy? Versus a lifetime of sadness and shame?


I know, im doing this to myself. Is it a sin to live like this hopin


Diana7 said:


> You said he was like this even before you were married.


Yes, 2 years of us being in a relationship he was a playboy, after that he changed into a good man for 4 years. Then it happened again suddenly. 

I am partly to blame, that's what I thought. Maybe because I gained weight, that he started to see a woman with better curves. Again, that's what I am still thinking. 

Im doing my best to be physically fit again, but I do know that I am acting very stupid right now, just for tolerating what he's doing. 

I got blinded by love. BLINDED DEEP.


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## Mrs. Intuitive (10 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Good friends can't stand by and watch you repeatedly run in front of a train.


Im sure now that I got none of those then.

But what I did get is, meeting good people with great views in life. (Here in TAM)


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I know, im doing this to myself. Is it a sin to live like this hopin
> 
> 
> Yes, 2 years of us being in a relationship he was a playboy, after that he changed into a good man for 4 years. Then it happened again suddenly.
> ...


It's nothing to do with you, it's his lack of character and integrity.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I know, im doing this to myself. Is it a sin to live like this hopin
> 
> 
> Yes, 2 years of us being in a relationship he was a playboy, after that he changed into a good man for 4 years. Then it happened again suddenly.


I won’t comment on what is or isn’t a “sin.” My whole life is one long “sin.”

What I will say is I doubt he “changed.” What likely happened is he’s been unfaithful this whole time and he got careless about hiding it. Either that or he wants you to find out because he wants out of the marriage so he deliberately got “caught” hoping you’d end things and he wouldn’t be the “bad guy.” The likelihood that his character changes with the wind is very, very low.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Make a to-do list of people you need to consult:

your priest - find out what your religion says about ending a marriage under these circumstances of adultery. It sounds like he never meant his vows. I'm sure God and Jesus didn't intend for you to stay trapped in this awful situation with a sinner who won't stop.

your doctor - tell your doctor about your marriage and what your husband is doing. You are on medication for depression and anxiety, but does your doctor know that it's caused by your husband's actions? Plus, you should be tested for STIs. You have only the word of a known liar and cheater that he's not physically cheating. Also make sure you have whatever birth control you favour, because you didn't mention kids, and you sure don't want to bring any into this.

a therapist - seek counselling. If you are determined to stay in the marriage, you are going to need some professional support to help you manage your emotions. A therapist can also recommend some support groups where you can make better friends to be in your corner.

a lawyer - maybe you can't get divorced, but you can sure legally separate from your husband and go live your own life of peace. Find out what that would look like for your finances and your life.

Don't let the fear of the unknown keep you trapped. You are NOT trapped. It just feels like it right now, because you lack information and support.

And don't let any of these people tell you this is your fault. Your weight, appearance, laziness, energy, or whatever excuse didn't cause your husband's lack of integrity. And similarly, there are no actions you can take to make him suddenly develop some.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Have you talked to a church counselor about this at least?


A church counselor is probably the worst advice you’ll get. You must save your marriage. That’s all that matters. IMO.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> But, it would be okay If I try and give him another chance to make things right, right?
> To try and fix our broken marriage? For our family? 😔


You can’t fix him. He would have to do that. Keep making excuses and maybe at some point when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired.you’ll take action. 
Why would he stop? You do nothing except enable his behavior.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> Thank you.
> 
> I know that now. At first I thought what someone said was kind of harsh, but after a few seconds, I realize they were just being straightforward and frank.
> I'm still new to this thing so I took the reply in a wrong way but I know now that they meant well.
> ...


There is no magic. Read up on serial cheaters. They don’t stop. I’d bet you only know the tip of the iceberg.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> A church counselor is probably the worst advice you’ll probably get. You must save your marriage. That’s all that matters. IMO.


Do you mean that’s what the church counselor would say? Because I agree. If she were cheating it would be a different story but if it’s him they’ll tell her it’s her fault and she has to stay.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I am new to this forum, sorry if I posted here right away.
> 
> I caught my husband again,
> I just had this urge to check his phone, because I cant seem to even touch it even though we've been married for almost 5 years now.
> ...


Keeping it to yourself. I'm sorry but you haven't given any options. Like, what are you willing to pursue if you've pursued everything reasonably available to you? You can always talk here. Take your pills because the alternative is not good.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Do you mean that’s what the church counselor would say? Because I agree. If she were cheating it would be a different story but if it’s him they’ll tell her it’s her fault and she has to stay.


Church counselors from what I’ve seen are inept at dealing with infidelity.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> There is no magic. Read up on serial cheaters. They don’t stop. I’d bet you only know the tip of the iceberg.


No such thing as a serial cheater. They get to pay for each of those items lest they go and do one cheat, confess to it and get full pardon from there spouse on all prior bad acts when each and every one of them need to be confessed to. But, yeah, they usually aren't redeemable.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> Church counselors from what I’ve seen are inept at dealing with infidelity.


They blame the woman and excuse the man. Same with physical abuse. Men can do as they please, they are all powerful and completely unaccountable. Women do not matter. They’re not inept, that assumes they’re not just anti-woman.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

I thought you were going to say you've been married for 30 years based on all the infidelity you mentioned. He's managed to wrack up those kind of numbers in 8? Good golly miss molly. 

If you don't want to divorce him you could go the opposite direction, start running the rest of your life in the same manner. Keep eating at that seafood restaurant that's given you food poisoning 5 times, and somehow be surprised and disappointed when you're running to the toilet for round number 6.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

well stay strong.
if it is not in your religion to divorce, then you will need to work out your differences. and it will likely need some outside counseling to do so successfully


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> Yes, I am.


Divorce as a Catholic is no more arduous than a regular divorce. ANNULMENT is what you are talking about that is more difficult.
You can of course get divorced -- the Catholic Church just says that you cannot get remarried (unless you get an annulment).

If I were you, I'd talk to your priest about annulment. He's cheated on you for your entire relationship, and I bet that is very good grounds for an annulment.

Think about this -- do you think this is ANY sort of valid marriage that was blessed in the eyes of God? He would not want you to continually stay with a person who has cheated before and right after your marriage. HE did not enter into the marriage in good faith:

For a Catholic marriage to be valid, it is required that:



the spouses are free to marry 
they are capable of giving their consent to marry 
they freely exchange their consent;
in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children
they intend the good of each other; and 
their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister.
Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by Church authority.
Your husband CLEARLY violates #4 and #5. I think you have a very strong case for annulment. Again, talk with your priest.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I know, im doing this to myself. Is it a sin to live like this hopin
> 
> 
> Yes, 2 years of us being in a relationship he was a playboy, after that he changed into a good man for 4 years. Then it happened again suddenly.
> ...


THere is NO reason that you did that excuses him cheating (and YES he is cheating). Cheating is 100% on him.


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

He has repeatedly broken his vow to you and to God. I would strongly advise keeping a notebook. Names, dates, times, receipts, call logs, copies of digital evidence. Based on everything you've posted here you have more than enough grounds to seek divorce and annulment.

The choice is entirely up to you.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

I'm unable to sleep and found this and copied pasted for you. It may or may not be any help, but you deserve a man who truly loves you, only you and never cheats, harms you. There are good men out there. Your husband is not a good man. I am not religious so I hope this info is correct. Maybe @@catholicdad can give you advice.

Other option is divorce. You will get a lot of support and guidance here.


A Guide to Adultery and Catholic Annulment

Discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful can be absolutely devastating. You vowed to love each other and be faithful to each other until death, but now the person you thought you knew so well has completely betrayed you. So, what can you do?

You may be wondering whether you can get a Catholic annulment instead of a divorce when you learn your spouse has cheated. This week’s Catholic Annulment - Another Chance blog discusses Catholic annulments in the case of adultery and whether it’s possible.

Catholic Annulment - Another Chance is a group of professionals made up of both current and former church judges who can provide you with the assistance you need to make your Catholic annulment process simple and stress-free. Read on to learn more about Catholic annulment in the case of adultery and contact Catholic Annulment Another Chance to begin your annulment process today!

What Is Adultery?

Before we dive into adultery in relation to the Catholic annulment process, let’s discuss the basics of adultery. Adultery is when a married person steps outside of their marriage and has relations with someone who is not his or her spouse. It’s also referred to as “having an affair” or “cheating.”

If you've recently discovered that your spouse has been unfaithful to you, it can be absolutely devastating. We’re here to provide some clarification on Catholic annulment and how it relates to annulment. For more information, reach out to our experts at Catholic Annulment - Another Chance today!

Adultery and Catholic Annulments

Wondering whether you can get a Catholic annulment after you’ve discovered your spouse has committed adultery is a common reaction. In most cases, adultery does not serve as grounds for a Catholic annulment in a marriage.

A Catholic annulment completely nullifies your marriage, almost as if it never existed. In order for this to happen, though, the grounds for annulment must be present before or during the exchange of the vows, but not after. This means that any problems that occurred after your wedding day, including adultery, do not qualify as grounds for a Catholic annulment.

However, if there were grounds present for a Catholic annulment from the very start of your marriage, you may qualify. For example, some could argue that engaging in a relationship with someone other than who you are set to marry goes against agreeing to be faithful for life and intending to do good for each other. While cheating before you’re officially married is not technically considered adultery, you could still argue that there were necessary grounds present before you were officially married.

If you discover your husband or wife had a child with a partner outside of your marriage or that they were secretly married to the person they were engaging in an affair with, you may qualify for a Catholic annulment.

To learn more about the grounds and qualifications, reach out to Catholic Annulment - Another Chance. We can help you determine whether your situation qualifies for an annulment, and if so, obtain the necessary information and documentation to help speed the process along.

What If I Can’t Get a Catholic Annulment?

Unfortunately, your marriage must meet specific requirements, known as grounds, in order to successfully qualify for an annulment. If it doesn’t, you can choose to appeal the decision. You can decide to apply for an annulment on different grounds, which may qualify your marriage.

If the appeal is denied, you have a couple of options. You can choose to try to repair the marriage and live civilly with your spouse, working to forgive the infidelity over time. Or, you can choose to go through with a divorce. While this is the last resort for many, it is necessary in certain circumstances.

At Catholic Annulment - Another Chance, we understand how difficult this situation can be. Not only is your heart broken because you’ve just discovered the person you love and trusted has betrayed you by stepping outside of your marriage with someone else, but now you have to figure out what to do about it.

If you qualify for a Catholic annulment, our team of church judges can work with you to make the process simpler so you can get on with your life as soon as possible. To learn more about whether your marriage qualifies, reach out to Catholic Annulment - Another Chance today.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

You also say you now have depression/mental illnesses because of this man who is supposed to love and protect you. He seems like the type of person who would leave you if you became too ill. I hope you leave him and I bet your mental illnesses will improve. Is this man gaslighting you, making you feel insane, 2nd guessing yourself, calling you a liar when you are telling the truth and know he's lying. Does he twist your words? Don't waste the rest of your life with a man who only cares about himself. Wish I could give you a (((((hug))))) and kick him in the balls lol.


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## michelleM68 (Jan 22, 2011)

Hello. 
Please dont apologize. 
You came here i suspect looking for a miracle. Hoping someone here can give you advice on how to get your spouse to be what you invision. You love him and want him to love you faithfully. 
However no one including you can change him. People either want to be faithful or not. He wants you and other women. He has to want to be faithful and want you to be his one and only. 
His actions are not about you. They are about something broken within him. Broken ego and possibly narcissism. 

He is also risking you with STDs. He is risking getting another pregnant. 

I hope you can close your eyes and vision the life you dream of. And realize that most likely he wont be what you want him to be. You can still love him but you may have to love him from a distance. 

I hope you can garner strength and courage to realize you deserve self respect and respect from a husband.

The more cheating he does in the future will negatively impact your mental health and it is really emotionally abusive to put in the situation of always wondering and invisioning him and other woman. 

Boundaries self respect and courage should be your goals right now. 

Best wishes


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Mrs. I, me coming from a Catholic family, you're aware of the Ten Commandments, yes? One of them actually being "Thou shall not commit adultery"?

As far as I know, adultery's a legitimate reason where divorce is allowed.

But it looks like you want to keep him, so all I can say is get yourself a good individual counselor to prepare yourself for your H to do this repeatedly and build a life in spite of him. Or look up Chumplady's stuff. If you won't leave, that's fine. But at least empower yourself.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I thought I could at least change him for the better. Since before we got married, he was much worse.
> 
> But I noticed the change in him, I thought I could make it happen, that he can be a better man.


A man will and ONLY change IF he wants to and for who he wants. 

I am catholic as well, got married and divorced (I didn't want it, even if I knew it was terrible, but he made it happen). 

The people in this forum aren't out for attacks, they are out to give you the truth as they see it, from their experience. Trust me, when I first joined many years ago I felt the same. Now, 5 years later I returned because I also feel my experience could help someone else. 

What benefit do you get from wanting to stay married to someone who disrespects you and the sanctity of your marriage over and over? You said this started before marriage, during the honeymoon phase and after... 

How old are the two of you? Geez, now I DO sound like some of the other posters here.. How long did you date before marriage? I know some cultures have arranged marriages, was this one one of those?

I haven't read the rest the responses, but will get to them later. 

You said it yourself earlier, you know what he is doing, but you don't want to end it. Perhaps you can try individual counseling for yourself to, at the least, help with your self-esteem.

❤


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> A church counselor is probably the worst advice you’ll get. You must save your marriage. That’s all that matters. IMO.


That's what I got when I saw one.. I asked then, how can one save something when the person is already out the door? _crickets_


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I thought I could at least change him for the better. Since before we got married, he was much worse.
> 
> But I noticed the change in him, I thought I could make it happen, that he can be a better man.


You can change him. Just keep at it.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> But, it would be okay If I try and give him another chance to make things right, right?
> To try and fix our broken marriage? For our family? 😔


This isn't something you can fix. You can decide he needs to respect your marriage, and he can make changes as a result, but you cannot fix this.



Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I think the only thing is that, he isnt seeing the woman physically, just virtually. So, I dont have to worry about stds.


Not really relevant. It's beyond inappropriate. Don't make excuses for him.



Mrs. Intuitive said:


> We've been together for 8 years and 5 years of marriage. 4 of those he was a great man. I still believe he's somewhere in him that is just blinded by lust. 😔


You're making excuses for his behavior. Now, granted, literally nearly EVERYONE is going through something right now, and this might be his way to cope. There's a certain validity to that, but, at the end of the day, whatever it is he may be going through, this isn't a proper way to handle it.



uwe.blab said:


> You can change him. Just keep at it.


No, you can't change anyone. Only they can change themselves. He won't do it unless she's willing to walk. He may not be able to anyway. Right now, he knows she's going to keep hiding behind religion as an excuse to not hold him accountable for his behaviors.


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## Mr Jim (10 mo ago)

I'll be praying for you. I hope you find your way.


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## Trustless Marriage (Mar 1, 2021)

Forget what your religion says and I mean that in a respectful but stern way. This guy has zero respect for you. You are probably more an object than a wife. Maybe that's why he's doing this cause he knows you would never leave him. You have two choices. Stay with him and be miserable and depressed the rest of your life or leave him. You already gave him chances and he blew all of them. Guys like this never change. Wish I had a magic pill for you to make it all fixed but I don't.


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## Hauntedhedgefund (10 mo ago)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I am new to this forum, sorry if I posted here right away.
> 
> I caught my husband again,
> I just had this urge to check his phone, because I cant seem to even touch it even though we've been married for almost 5 years now.
> ...


What religion doesn't allow you to divorce even with infidelity? Infidelity was the only reason Jesus said was good enough for divorce in the Bible, so I'm confused what religion you are a part of that won't allow it in this case?

I can understand if you think you don't want to because he was your one and only. But if you've caught him before and he promised never to do it again, and now you've caught him again you have only a few options.

Stay with him and put up with it.
Stay with him and ask if you can join in.
Leave him.

I think the only way you'd ever be able to trust him again is if you made him invovle you in it, but that has a 99% chance of failure. You'll have a better chance of staying together if you simply put on your blinders and let yourself be miserable.

So do you want to be in a relationship with zero trust, or move on? I know this will be baggage you bring into your next relationship, if you have one, but you'll still have a better chance of trust with a restart.

If you are Christian, open up that Bible to the Gospel's. Jesus definitely okay's divorce when infidelity is involved. If you are part of some crazy church that never believes women, you can drop that as well.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> Yes, I am.


Did you marry at Church??

If you married him without knwing he was cheating again then you may get an annulment. 

Talk to your Priest.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)




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## weysally (Sep 7, 2020)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> It's just that, I love him so much and it's a really difficult and long process for divorce and I dont really want to leave him.


why leave, but what is good for one then its good for the other, why not look else where for love and sex if required


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> Yes, I am.


As a recovered Catholic, I am telling you , that you need to divorce. There is not a damn thing in scripture that says you need to stay with a philanderer. Divorce and then get annulment started. All of that extreme catholic dogma causes a lot of unnecessary suffering.


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## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> then to follow a mere man, who is the Pope.


I saw this and it made me chuckle. I'm Catholic, only because it's a church. I learn and take something from the Father at our church. I enjoy the community, and I grew up Catholic.

Unfortunately I don't fall into the category of worshipping the Pope. He's not God, and he sure isn't anywhere near Jesus either. Those are my guideposts.. not the Pope.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Mrs. Intuitive said:


> I am new to this forum, sorry if I posted here right away.
> 
> I caught my husband again,
> I just had this urge to check his phone, because I cant seem to even touch it even though we've been married for almost 5 years now.
> ...


since there are no consequences - he knows he can keep doing this and you’ll stay.
Religion doesn’t say stay married when one spouse continually breaks their vows,


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

I mean, if you can’t divorce, start living your life apart from him. He’s already doing it himself after all. No wifely duties, let him take care of his own d*** self and you start rebuilding yourself.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Uh...OP hasn't been around since April 10, shortly after starting this thread. 

Does this qualify as a zombie thread? @MattMatt ?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Maybe.  

However... @Mrs. Intuitive how are things?


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