# What do you do with all "OUR" things?



## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

In the process of divorce... H moved out 3 days ago...7 weeks ago asked for a divorce (for no reason I was told of)....He left with his clothes, a mattress ,his Marine Corp memorabilia and his tools. I was left with everything else and am having areal hard time trying to understand what I am to do with all our photos... pictures of our wedding.... albums... cards, anything related to us.... I can't bring myself to throw anything away....but I also am struggling with trying to remove it all from the house....6 yrs of memories...what do i do???


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

With my ex-fiance (4 1/2 years and I dumped him when I found out he cheated on me) I threw away *everything*....

I didn't care for any of that stuff including pictures....

With my husband now....I will keep the pictures and "our" things because we have (had?) a different relationship....we've been married for 10 (almost 11 years) and we have 2 kids together....

And with ex-fiance I realized he wasn't the right guy anyway so it was easy to just dump it....

With my husband though....he's the love of my life and even if we're not going to make it there will always be my fond memories of our time together....

And even though it might tear me up inside in the beginning to look at the stuff eventually it will get better I'm sure.....

Maybe later when you are in a real meaningful and promising (marriage bound) relationship you'll feel like you can let go of those memories (at least some of them)...

*****hugs*****


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

I couldn't throw mine out either. I took all the photos and stuff that were printed and put them into a box and put that box in the back of my closet. Any photos on the computer I dumped into an unlabeled file. That way I'm not forced to look at them every day or every time I turn on the computer. It made me feel a lot better not having to constantly see them ...


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

After 9 years together, married for 5, 1 child that's not even two. Husband cheated got caught, no remorse, no apology, no explanation, nada.

All photos are in a box in the storage room, I gave back all expensive gifts/and inexpensive ones back including all jewelery(MIL called me a gold digger). Nothing on computer hard drive. Will I ever look at them,who knows. Right now even good memories hurt in parts of my body I did not know it could hurt.

I even left other gifts(clothes, paintings, small stuff that might have had some significance). I only took practical bare minimum what I need for my 2 bedroom apartment and trust me if I could afford right now to get rid of some of this furniture I would. Many other women in my position(H was CEO) would have taken him to the cleaners. Sorry that's not me, I will leave that for the OW who is greedy like hell.


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## Chasing Rainbows (Oct 9, 2010)

I have deleted all photos of 'us' from my computer and I did feel like I just wanted to throw all the photo's and memories away but I have not. Instead like everyone here I have boxed them all up and put them out of the way. Although I do not want to look at the photographs now there may come a point when I can look at them in the future and remember the good times without feeling the hurt. 

Over the years I have kept all the cards he has given me, they always contained such beautiful, loving words but I cannot bear to keep these now, as they are just words and meaningless. I have boxed the cards up with his personal belongings and he can make the decision to throw them out or not, which he will. 

Are you staying in the house? Maybe you could re-arrange the furniture, change things a little, make it your own. I will be moving from this house at some point as it will be sold but having been here for a while on my own, it feels like my space and my home now. 

I think you have to do what you feel is right for you but but I think boxing these items up and storing them away is a good idea at the moment. Once the dust has settled and you know where you are at you can make a decision with a clearer mind.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

We were married for 3 years but we didn't really have any "our" stuff, other than pics. I put the pics up in boxes, since we have 2 kids together. I figure someday the kids might want to see the pics, and it's not my place to destroy them so they can't. If it were up to me, I'd have burned the pics in a bonfire. LOL

Now, with my boyfriend, if we broke up, dividing our stuff would be hard and I don't know what I'd do with my portion of "our" stuff. I would be so devastated by the break up that I think I'd probably have to put it all up, at least for a while, until the rawness and the pain of the break up were a little easier. I really hope it never happens.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

I actually separated the photos of my son and made an album for stbx, i of course kept the ones with both of us out of them, and i am making albums for my son with those. I mean we had a history and I would like my son to see that we did once love each other.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Chasing rainbows: yes I am in the house, I plan on working m ass off to keep it....H moved out a week ago and found an apt to rent. He took only a mattress and a TV. 

I think I'm on the same boat as everyone else... its so freakin hard to let go of 6 yrs of memories.... (in my situation: all 6 yrs were good....I can't think of ANY bad times) So i'll just have to box them up, put them in the spare bedroom or in the closet until I feel I am strong enough to full accept and totally let go. Right now I cling on to memories....


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

it is tough when even the good memories are painful now. It maybe hard to understand that concept to someone but it is that way. At least for the moment


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## Honolulu (Oct 15, 2010)

I did the same thing, at first I didn't want to see any of it. I considered throwing everything away or even selling anything he gave me over our 15yrs of marriage.

Then for a couple of weeks I looked at photos, gifts, jewelry, etc. and just grieved. But really...I felt a sense of relief and peace when I boxed it all up and put it in the garage. I plan to go through it all at some point and split the photos and items but right now I'm not strong enough to handle the emotional roller coaster. I figure it's not going anywhere and he's not asking for any of it so why stress over it right now.


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## mariem1967 (Dec 1, 2010)

I think it is good idea to keep everything for now. Right now you're in that phase that your head is to hot for right decisions. wait till you cool down and than i am sure you will see things better. Try to find some professional help too. It is not a shame to ask for help when you are experiencing something new in your life. I was in your position and professional help saved my nervs and time.


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