# My wife and my best friend...



## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

Ok so I don't know where to start. My wife recently cheated on me with my "best friend", they did it in my home, while me and our daughter were both there. I had just recently reconnected with this friend who I have known since the first day of kindergarten. These were the two most important relationships I've had in my entire life, and they were both destroyed in one night.

I found out about it the morning after it happened, I knew she had stayed downstairs with him for a long time the night before, because I had fallen asleep before she came upstairs (and I usually wait up for her). When I confronted her about it in the morning of course she denied anything happened and said they just talked about things, and when i started to say i knew something was wrong and that she needed to tell me, she responded "I DIDN'T CHEAT LAST NIGHT, BUT I WANTED TO". After that she walked out and went to work. I then texted my friend and asked them if they played any more drinking games after I went to sleep, to which he responded yes and my wife had told me they did not. So i called my wife and confronted her again, I told her that I had talked to my friend and she needed to come clean. She still denied it for a short while saying things like "Fine believe him then!", finally she broke down and admitted to what had happened. My friend blocked my number so of course I cannot ask him what happened anymore, and it's incredibly hard to believe my wife. She is still saying they did not have sex, just did some "touching and kissing". When i ask her why she did this she says that she had left me in her head already and just didn't care, but now after I found out about it she is begging for my forgiveness, saying she would never do it again and how sorry she is. I still don't understand though that if she left me in her head, why is she begging for me back now? I still feel like I'm getting trickle truth about what happened, however there aren't many new things being said about the night anymore, her story just doesn't sound right though.

Im so lost and confused. I don't know how to act or what to do. I'm usually somebody who is in control and this is a new feeling for me. I'm sorry if this all comes off ridiculous or poorly written, i'm not thinking clearly right now and sentence structure isn't something I can care about right now.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> her story just doesn't sound right though.


You think?

I can smell the bullsh!t all the way from here.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Grammar is the last thing you need to worry about, man. Don't sweat it.

First, things first take a breath. Like a few long and deep breaths. You do NOT need to make any kind of decsion about what you want to do right now. You need time to let this sink in and decide what you'll do.

Second, my wife is the owner of the Cheater's Manual. They all get it somehow - still can't find a publisher or distributor anywhere, but I swear to Christ they all read it.

"Touching and kissing" is something that teenagers in high school do. I hate to throw out innuendo, however the reality is that they probably did much more than that.

She needs to know there are serious consequences for her actions. Period. Do NOT be a push over in any sense of the term.

As for your best friend...I'll try to not suggest what I would do because that is a semi-violent reaction. What I will suggest is that he is a piece of sh-t coward for blocking your calls. What a pu$$y. I know you've known him since kindergarten, but detach from him. He betrayed you, man.

Take time. Listen to your heart and don't hide what you're feeling.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Hard to say if this story is real or not, but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt for now.

When we do see stories like these on here, there's always one thing I never understand: Why does the husband/wife go to bed early and let their spouse stay up and entertain the opposite sex friend? Even if there is zero intents for sex on either the spouse's or the friend's mind, isn't it terribly rude to leave a long lost best friend to be entertained by the spouse? When you factor in the opposite sex dynamic into the equation, it becomes even more idiotic. In my marriage, I trust my wife. However, I'm not naive either. Leaving the wife to hang out with the long lost best friend just reeks of stupidity. 

Alright OP, did your wife cheating come completely out of left field or has there been issues in your marriage prior to the long lost good buddy coming to spend the night at your house?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Why did you suspect something was wrong? She could have been just visiting with him. Obviously she wasn't but I wonder what tipped you off? 

Why did you leave your best friend downstairs? Was he staying at your house? 

I'm trying to picture this. My best friend comes over and my wife is there. We are having a great time but the night is coming to an end and it is time to go to bed. He is MY best friend so I would have walked him out and said goodnight. I would not have said ... "ok you two, I'm going to bed ... come up soon honey." Doesn't matter how much you trust both of them, you walk your friend out; it's just the polite thing to do.

My wife wouldn't go for it either. First thing she would do is take me aside and ask me what the heck I'm doing ... "don't leave me alone with him." It's just inappropriate.

The best way not to cheat is to not put yourself in a position to cheat. Why in the heck would you put your wife in a position to cheat? If she did, it is still her fault but ... not smart.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

If she jumped your friend's bones that quick I can assure you, like they say at the Calgary Stampede, "this wasn't her first bull ride".


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Why did you suspect something was wrong? She could have been just visiting with him. Obviously she wasn't but I wonder what tipped you off?
> 
> Why did you leave your best friend downstairs? Was he staying at your house?
> 
> ...


And factor in that this is a long lost best friend - not seen in years - and was described as one of the 2 most important relationships in his life. So what happens? OP goes to bed early? It doesn't make any sense.


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

Ok so basically, we were in the garage smoking. We had been up drinking all night (it was 5 in the morning). We were supposed to smoke one last cigarette and go to sleep. He was supposed to be staying at my house (since we had been up drinking). My wife told me "you can go upstairs, i will be up in a little bit". (which is what initially got me suspicious). I replied no it's fine i'll wait with you. A few minutes passed of us just sitting in the garage, and she said it again. I replied the same thing. Some more time passed and she said it one more time, This time i was starting to get the spins and pretty much passing out sitting up. So I told her fine I'm going upstairs you need to be up shortly (I then went upstairs and started puking). After i got done puking some time passed as i layed in my bed (still having really bad spins so not really able to get up and go downstairs) and then finally i passed out without her being upstairs. 

Also as far as the touching and kissing thing went, thats what she first said and when i made her elaborate on it she told me that he had fingered her, and then she told him to leave, he then asked her to walk him to his car which she agreed to. She then tells me she got in his car and kissed his neck and made out with him while he jacked himself off and then he left.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

JB100 is that you?


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Alright OP, did your wife cheating come completely out of left field or has there been issues in your marriage prior to the long lost good buddy coming to spend the night at your house?


Well, we had started to fight some before this happened, she was saying I was too controlling(which i admit and admitted to her i can be and said i would work on it). However (and i've talked to a lot of people who know us) She was way way over exaggerating how much control i had (especially since 90% of the things she said i controlled she also did to me). 

However the last couple days before she did this we had gotten back to not fighting, we had agreed to work everything out, and everything seemed to be going well. I mean hell we were partying together with all of our friends when it happened, and she didn't give me the slightest hint she was angry at me that night.


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## fishfast41 (Dec 12, 2010)

I don't buy this story. Too much of it doesn't make sense


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

> My wife told me "you can go upstairs, i will be up in a little bit".





> she said it again





> Some more time passed and she said it one more time


At that point I wouldn't have let her out of my sight I don't care if I had to throw up on my friend's head. You all might have been drunk but apparently she was sober enough to keep trying to get you out of the garage so she'd have some alone time with your friend.

Do you know if she's cheated on you before? Or have you ever suspected it before? Because it wouldn't surprise me if she had. What was your marriage/sex life like BEFORE this happened?

Letting your husbands best friend finger you in the garage while he's sleeping upstairs with your children in the house is pretty scummy.


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

fishfast41 said:


> I don't buy this story. Too much of it doesn't make sense


There is a lot of stuff going on in my head, i apologize if i'm not getting everything out correctly.


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

Jasel said:


> At that point I wouldn't have let her out of my sight I don't care if I had to throw up on my friend's head. You all might have been drunk but apparently she was sober enough to keep trying to get you out of the garage so she'd have some alone time with your friend.
> 
> Do you know if she's cheated on you before? Or have you ever suspected it before? Because it wouldn't surprise me if she had. What was your marriage/sex life like BEFORE this happened?
> 
> Letting your husbands best friend finger you in the garage while he's sleeping upstairs with children in the house is pretty scummy.


Yes i know it was stupid to go upstairs, hindsight is 20/20 i guess, It was the two most important people in my life I guess i just wanted to be able to trust them.

I've suspected things before, however i've never really had any proof of anything. Honestly, before we started fighting right before this, I had thought our marriage was fantastic, and our sex life i would say is above average for a married couple.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> Also as far as the touching and kissing thing went, thats what she first said and when i made her elaborate on it she told me that he had fingered her, and then she told him to leave, he then asked her to walk him to his car which she agreed to. She then tells me she got in his car and kissed his neck and made out with him while he jacked himself off and then he left.


None of this adds up. You know that, right?


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> None of this adds up. You know that, right?


yes i do know that, that's why i am here. I want to believe her so badly, but it seems that 2+2 is equaling 5 right now.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> Yes i know it was stupid to go upstairs, hindsight is 20/20 i guess, It was the two most important people in my life I guess i just wanted to be able to trust them.
> 
> *I've suspected things before,* however i've never really had any proof of anything. Honestly, before we started fighting right before this, I had thought our marriage was fantastic, and our sex life i would say is above average for a married couple.


After this your suspicions were probably justified.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> None of this adds up. You know that, right?


I agree with you, but I'm not sure if you're thinking what I'm thinking...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I agree with you, but I'm not sure if you're thinking what I'm thinking...


I'm thinking I don't buy this story ... his story.

I apologize if I'm wrong and if I am then I would say the following and make no apologies about it:

1) No best friend would do this to you. Dump him.
2) No wife worth anything would do this to you. Dump her.
3) Dump this lifestyle.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> She then tells me she got in his car and kissed his neck and made out with him while_ he _jacked _himself_ off and then he left.


I'm not trying to be funny but I think if you change the first "he" to "she" and "himself" to simply "him" you're going to be closer to the truth.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I'm thinking I don't buy this story.
> 
> I apologize if I'm wrong and if I am then I would say the following and make no apologies about it:
> 
> ...


Three possibilities here that I can think of:
1) This story is fabricated.
2) This story is the truth.
3) This is the wife/girlfriend.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Ya the whole truth never comes out at the beginning. If ever.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> yes i do know that, that's why i am here. I want to believe her so badly, but it seems that 2+2 is equaling 5 right now.


More like 2+2=California.

Your looking to rug sweep this away and when you do you will loose your marriage. Trust me I know, first hand.

As many always say here you need to do thing that will put you on the very brink of loosing your marriage. You need to try to muster up enough strength and be super strong and a big tough guy. Someone who is not going to beg for anything and not show any remorse.

You need to get a lawyers card and a Marriage Counselors card with a real appointments. Give them both to her and tell her to choose which one she wants. But you need to let her know if you catch any ounce of Bullsh1t that your out the door. 

Next you need to expose him to her family and you need to expose this guy if you can to his family or his wife / girlfriend if he has one. The reason this is done to make it uncomfortable for them to be together. They will know that a price will have to be paid for doing it. People might see them, etc..


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> More like 2+2=California.
> 
> Your looking to rug sweep this away and when you do you will loose your marriage. Trust me I know, first hand.
> 
> ...


She has already said she is willing to go to counseling both together and individually, I don't have any form of contact with his family, as I said we had just reconnected about a month ago. I also made her tell her parents, and I've told my sister, still trying to bring myself to tell my parents. I've showed her I'm not begging for her back and that me giving her a second chance is a gift.


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I'm thinking I don't buy this story ... his story.
> 
> I apologize if I'm wrong and if I am then I would say the following and make no apologies about it:
> 
> ...


What about my story do you not buy? Honestly i'm not trying to get anyone to buy anything, so if you don't believe it than whatever. To the other thing you said.

1) Well he pretty much dumped me when he blocked my phone... but i would have anyways.
2) She says she is truly sorry for what she's done, I want to believe her, if possible i would like to R.
3) what lifestyle? if you are talking about the drinking then I'm gonna say I've never really been a big drinker so thats not a problem.


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> I'm not trying to be funny but I think if you change the first "he" to "she" and "himself" to simply "him" you're going to be closer to the truth.


I agree... However she adamantly says that she's telling the truth and it didn't go any further.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> She has already said she is willing to go to counseling both together and individually, I don't have any form of contact with his family, as I said we had just reconnected about a month ago. I also made her tell her parents, and I've told my sister, still trying to bring myself to tell my parents. I've showed her I'm not begging for her back and that me giving her a second chance is a gift.


You know for a fact that she actually told her parents??


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Haven´t we seen this story before


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

Jasel said:


> You know for a fact that she actually told her parents??


No i guess I do not know for sure... I know they do know something is wrong, but I can't be 100% about what she told them. She does say she did though and that she found out it happened to them before they were married and they gave her some advice about it, so I feel like she did tell them.


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

Jonesey said:


> Haven´t we seen this story before


I really don't understand why you guys are having a hard time believing this. If you don't believe my story (which is 100% true, I know I'm living it right now) then you don't have to reply to my thread. But please don't sit here and accuse me of being a fake or a liar, that's the exact opposite of what I came here looking for.


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

Why can't you guys just give him the benefit of the doubt and let him tell his story. If you don't believe it, there are plenty of other threads to read. 

or is there some "super sleuth" award I'm unaware of... given out each time someone accurately identifies a troll? :scratchhead:


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

How long ago did this happen? How long have you been married?

He was supposed to stay at your home, yet he left - presumably drunk. You went to bed at 5AM so she must have stayed up until about 6AM. 

You say you confronted her in the morning and she denied it all. Was she still up from the night before? So did she sleep at all that night/morning or not? You said she went to work in the morning. 

Most have to be to work by at least 9AM. So she stayed up til 6. You awoke at say 7:30 and confronted her. Say by 8AM? She either didn't sleep at all or was still semi-drunk with a massive headache at 7:30. 

Argued for a bit - then she left for work? The time is very odd. 

At any rate. If all you say is so, then she seems to have planned this whole episode out. She planned it with someone she didn't really know, if as you say, it was YOUR friend who you had just reconnected with. How bizarre. 

If she behaved that callously with, to her, a perfect stranger. Planning, lying to you, betraying you. I see no real future with this woman.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> Ok so I don't know where to start. My wife recently cheated on me with my "best friend", they did it in my home, while me and our daughter were both there.
> 
> *I had just recently reconnected with this friend who I have known since the first day of kindergarten*.
> 
> *These were the two most important relationships I've had in my entire life*


Our best friends from childhood who we lose connection with rarely seem to be one of our "most important relationships" in our present lives where we've been disconnected for years. How long had you been dis-connected from this friend that you reconnected with and *why did you consider him your best friend*? 

As for your wife's story, it is plausible. It's not likely she's telling you the truth, because if you read the threads on this forum, you will realize that every single cheater lies and minimizes when telling about the affair. But what she told you is bad enough.

If you want to find out what really happened, buy a couple of voice-activated recorders and some heavy-duty velcro. Put one in her car and another in the house where she is likely to talk on the phone when you are not around. Give it a week and see if you get the truth. If you can, keylog the computer, gps her car, spyware on the phone. If you have access, try to look at her text/call log on the phone and see if there are any texts still there between them. Heck, if she still hasn't washed her panties from that night, you can try to do a semen test on them. Do as much of this as you can, don't worry if you can't do some of them, just do what you can. The point is to try to figure out not only what happened that night, but what happened before that night, and what is going on now, so that you can decide what you want and need to do.

It is very likely she still is in contact with other man. She will reach out to him or he will reach out to her.

What was her relationship with him prior to this night? Is there any chance they were in contact before the night they cheated? Can you check the phone bill to see if she and he were texting or calling each other prior to this night of cheating? Or since it happened?

To put myself in your wife's shoes for a moment, even though my marriage may be over "in my own head," I probably wouldn't fvck my wife's best friend while my wife slept upstairs. If the marriage was over, I would probably separate, divorce, move on and find someone OTHER THAN my wife's best friend to have sex with.

Until you find out otherwise, assume she had sex with your friend.

Since she is ready to reconcile, if that's what you want, or if you are undecided, strike while the iron is hot and set up some conditions to see if your wife is truly sorry.

1. First, tell your wife that you love her but you are not sure if you want to reconcile. Tell her that either way, reconciliation or divorce, you plan to improve yourself and that if you decide to reconcile, you will work on improving yourself and your marriage.

2. Ask her to handwrite a no contact letter to the other man, then give it to you for proofreading and mailing.

3. Ask her to block him on facebook, on her phone, on her email, etc.

4. Ask her to give you complete access to all her accounts and devices, all passwords, and ask her not to delete anything going forward, so that you can try to regain some trust.

5. Ask her to write out what happened, what led up to the sexual situation with the other man. Ask her if she would take a polygraph if you think the story still doesn't make sense. Explain to her that people who are used to having sex don't usually stop at anything short of sex, so that her story doesn't seem true.

6. Ask her to get an STD test and give you the results.

See how she responds to these requests.

Cheaters are liars. They follow a script. It's human nature. Deny, deny, deny, if that doesn't stop the questioning, tell only a minimum amount to see if he'll accept that, never tell more than he already knows. So don't believe her words when discussing anything affair-related, believe only what is independently verifiable or supported by her actions.

At the very least, even if they just met earlier that night, there was some type of communication going on between them during the night that led her to try to get rid of you - they probably were playing footsie right in front of you for a large part of the night.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> I really don't understand why you guys are having a hard time believing this. If you don't believe my story (which is 100% true, I know I'm living it right now) then you don't have to reply to my thread. But please don't sit here and accuse me of being a fake or a liar, that's the exact opposite of what I came here looking for.



sORRY MAN


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> How long ago did this happen? How long have you been married?
> 
> He was supposed to stay at your home, yet he left - presumably drunk. You went to bed at 5AM so she must have stayed up until about 6AM.
> 
> ...


This happened last friday night on the 1st. We got married in july but have been together for 6 years in april.

We did not get much sleep, I got a couple hours and who knows how much she got she was in the bed when i woke up but as I said I was asleep by the time she got up there so I couldnt know. I didn't say she went to work in the morning, she worked around 4, we had talked about it off and on from the time we woke up until then with her denying it the whole time.

He had been over 2 other times before this and according to her, hit on her the first night he came over, but she didn't tell me because she thought he was just being drunk.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> No i guess I do not know for sure... I know they do know something is wrong, but I can't be 100% about what she told them. She does say she did though and that she found out it happened to them before they were married and they gave her some advice about it, so I feel like she did tell them.


You need to call them and confirm this was actually done. This is not the time to tread lightly.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> This happened last friday night on the 1st. We got married in july but have been together for 6 years in april.
> 
> We did not get much sleep, I got a couple hours and who knows how much she got she was in the bed when i woke up but as I said I was asleep by the time she got up there so I couldnt know. I didn't say she went to work in the morning, she worked around 4, we had talked about it off and on from the time we woke up until then with her denying it the whole time.
> 
> ...


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

So she works the night shift? But not Thursdays? Or did the partying start around midnight on Thursday/Friday? 

How about you? Do you work the night shift too? 

She was hit on by this guy. Knew what he "was about" yet coaxed you to bed while she stayed up with him? That's still premeditated don't you agree? 

It didn't "just happen" she was looking forward to it. I wouldn't discount the possibility that it happened before too. Especially if you are at work and she is off during the day. 

If you want to get to the bottom of this. Have her write out in detail - including times - as accurate as she can get - what occurred after you went to bed. Everything. 

Then ask some clarifying questions. Have her edit the narrative if necessary. Let it sit for a day or two. Then review it with her again. When she is sure all is revealed on the narrative. Tell her you need to verify it with a polygraph.


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> Our best friends from childhood who we lose connection with rarely seem to be one of our "most important relationships" in our present lives where we've been disconnected for years. How long had you been dis-connected from this friend that you reconnected with and *why did you consider him your best friend*?
> 
> As for your wife's story, it is plausible. It's not likely she's telling you the truth, because if you read the threads on this forum, you will realize that every single cheater lies and minimizes when telling about the affair. But what she told you is bad enough.
> 
> ...


Me and him met the first day of kindergarten, we spent every day together for 2 years until I moved and had to start going to a different school. After that one of us would stay the weekend at the others house every single weekend from age 7 to around 15. After that some high school things happened and we still saw each other but much less. The last time me and him had been in contact was around 5 years ago, however he had been a very important person in my life up to this point.

I highly doubt she is in contact with him since she has no facebook, and has been completely open about her phone (which never had his number as far as i know) and email. I can and will check the phone book however. They had only met 2 times previous to this, the first time she said he tried to grab her, but she denied his advances (this was again in the garage while they were smoking). 

I will definitely ask her to do that, I would like to see her reaction.


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## gbonham77 (Feb 21, 2013)

for whatever reason ... cheating wife is a time wasting thing. reconcilliation is the most idiotic step for handling cheating wife


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> Also as far as the touching and kissing thing went, thats what she first said and when i made her elaborate on it she told me that he had fingered her, and then she told him to leave, he then asked her to walk him to his car which she agreed to. She then tells me she got in his car and kissed his neck and made out with him while he jacked himself off and then he left.


There's more to this story than she's telling you.

First, I'm guessing this wasn't the first time. I'm guessing they were in contact sometime before this night.

Second, her story is he fingered her, she kicked him out, she walked him to his car and got in, she kissed his neck, he jacked off.

How did it get to the fingering? Her zipper was undone and her panties were pulled aside and he was walking by swinging his arms and his finger just got stuck in there? She was the one trying to get you out of the picture, why would she then kick him out? The most likely story is that after you went upstairs, she encouraged him to go for it and he did, she offered no resistance and had sex with him on the couch or the floor or the table - take your pick. Then she followed him to the car and kissed him goodbye, slurped on his neck a bit, and jerked him off before he left.

When we say the cheaters never tell the truth right away, the story I just made up is the one that you the betrayed spouse eventually will find out through snooping or a confession somewhere down the line as you keep questioning the inconsistencies. The story you have now is somewhere on the lower end of the truth scale.

The explanation of the marriage being over "in her head" also is way off. So if your marriage is over, it's OK then for her to screw your best friend while you sleep upstairs, unaware that anything is wrong in your marriage except in her head?

The story you have now also is plenty bad. I just think it's way worse than you know.

The thing I would be most concerned with right now if I were you, given that you want to reconcile, is how much contact she had with this guy leading up to that night and how much contact she has with him now.

In other areas of your life, do you generally respect people who you can lie to and fool very easily? Sometimes we would like to lie to and fool someone, and we are glad that they fell for it easily, but we don't respect them for falling for it. If you accept stories that seem like obvious lies, your wife will lose even more respect for you.

Before you forgive and move forward, you should be comfortable that you know what you actually are forgiving.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> They had only met 2 times previous to this, the first time she said he tried to grab her, but she denied his advances (this was again in the garage while they were smoking).
> I will definitely ask her to do that, I would like to see her reaction.


She plays the victim, the persued.
SHE was the one who asked you TWICE to go upstairs.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Acabado said:


> She plays the victim, the persued.
> SHE was the one who asked you TWICE to go upstairs.


Three times actually.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

fishfast41 said:


> I don't buy this story. Too much of it doesn't make sense


Something is off. Or maybe op does not have all the facts himself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> I highly doubt she is in contact with him since she has no facebook, and has been completely open about her phone (which never had his number *as far as i know*) and email. I can and will check the phone book however. *They had only met 2 times previous to this*, the first time she said he tried to grab her, but she denied his advances (this was again in the garage while they were smoking).
> 
> I will definitely ask her to do that, I would like to see her reaction.


How do you know they only met two times prior to this? Because you only actually saw them meet and she tells you they only met these two times? You can't really believe anything she says at this point. She did lie to you and say nothing at all happened before giving you even the little bit of truth about kissing and touching, correct? And then she revised that story to include fingering and jerking off? So why would you believe anything she has to say about the affair at this point?

If she was willing to cheat on you with your best friend, do you think she might lie about having his phone number on her phone, or deleting his contact info. A lot of cheaters put their affair partner's name in their contacts under a different name, a female name, and when asked say it's someone from work, childhood, etc.

He hit on her and she didn't tell you. She didn't lead him on? Where were you when he was hitting on your wife? What did it consist of - him touching her, saying things to her? And she didn't say something because she thought he was drunk? Then she shushed you to bed so she could be alone with this drunk guy who hits on her?

When you hear a nonsensical story like this, told with a straight face, how do you keep your head from exploding?

Sorry I have to ask, but how often do you guys get so drunk that you do things you wouldn't do when sober?


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

We have people come over every friday to play some beer pong and drink some, but normally we aren't wasted by the end of the night, it's more of a social thing.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I may be wrong, but I thought the whole point of playing beer pong was to get wasted?


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> I may be wrong, but I thought the whole point of playing beer pong was to get wasted?


yea it is, but we aren't 19 anymore and we play it more as a social thing its hard to get drunk playing 1 game of beer pong every hour(because we have so many people playing).


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Kick her out. Anything less is weak. Im not saying for a month or even a week, but she committed the worst betrayal that she could. In your house, with your children? Also, she can tell your parents what she did. And make sure she told her family the truth. Sorry, if i thought u were fake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Jasel said:


> You need to call them and confirm this was actually done. This is not the time to tread lightly.


Yup, and do it without her knowledge.

Right now is a good time. Let us know what they say.





We already know though.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If he drank as much as you did, he wouldn't have gotten it up.

Did they possibly help to get you drunk so they could hook up,

Your wife seems to have had a plan.

Have her take a polygraph.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

keko said:


> JB100 is that you?


Now now...


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> If he drank as much as you did, he wouldn't have gotten it up.
> 
> Did they possibly help to get you drunk so they could hook up,
> 
> ...


Ah yup. Asking him to go to bed three times. She and his BF had this planned.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Get control and ask her to leave. She is lying. You have not even been married a year and she is doing this?


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

I want to call her parents and talk about it but honestly I'm embarrassed. I don't even sort of know how to go about that conversation. 

Also I don't think they conspired to get me drunk, She had worked late that night, and he had come over later. I had been drinking with our roommates before she even got home. I also was the one who invited him over, he didn't ask to come over, however I can't remember if she asked me to ask him.


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## ConfusedByBetrayal (Mar 9, 2013)

I'm actually going to have to pick this up tomorrow ( or maybe just read and reply on my phone), because she is off of work. I asked her if she would take a polygraph and she said yes. She also agreed to take an STD test. She keeps saying I know the worst thing I could do to you right now is lie, I'm telling you the truth.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

You no longer have the option of being ignorant, embarrassed, or simply trusting your wife. The sooner you can accept the reality of your new life the better you will deal with this. The fact is: You really do not know your wife. If you did, you'd be a fool to leave her with your bff. You did NOT deserve this. You have no shame. The shame is all on her. And if you really want to R, you need to toughen up, and do it NOW! Nice guys do not do well here. You say you are used to being in control-then PROVE IT. Because if ever there was a time...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> I want to call her parents and talk about it but honestly I'm embarrassed. I don't even sort of know how to go about that conversation.
> 
> Also I don't think they conspired to get me drunk, She had worked late that night, and he had come over later. *I had been drinking with our roommates before she even got home. *I also was the one who invited him over, he didn't ask to come over, however I can't remember if she asked me to ask him.


What? You have a wife, daughter and roommates!?!? Are these roommates men? You and your wife also work opposite shifts too? IDK, maybe there is a picture coming into sharper focus...


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> What? You have a wife, daughter and roommates!?!? Are these roommates men? You and your wife also work opposite shifts too? IDK, maybe there is a picture coming into sharper focus...


polygraph time


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

At the very least she let your old friend finger her in YOUR HOME while you were sleeping and then made out with him in his car. You have not even been married a year. This is the ultimate in total distain she has for you. The symbolism of her having sex in your home with you sleeping upstairs is unbelievable. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would forgive such humiliation and disrespect from you?

I have to tell you that I truly doubt this was a one time event. She told you he had hit on her in the past but she did not tell you that previously. Why not?

She kept telling you to go upstairs because she wanted to have some sex with him. She allowed him to finger her. I would doubt he would have stopped.

The fact that she would be so brazen to do this in your home while you were sleeping shows she was very very comfortable with him and had engaged in some sexual activity previously.

I also have a hunch that she thought so little of you that she figured when you found out you would forgive her anyway which you did. She had sex with an important friend of yours and knew how this would clearly hurt and demean you.

You clearly have the married the wrong woman. Only a woman who truly detested her husband and wished to humiliate and disrespect him in the worst possible way in your home while asleep could do such a thing. Her actions show she has absolutely no respect for you or your marriage whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? How much more humiliation are you willing to endure?

Contact her parents.
See a lawyer to understand your options.
She is playing you for a total fool.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> I'm actually going to have to pick this up tomorrow ( or maybe just read and reply on my phone), because she is off of work. I asked her if she would take a polygraph and she said yes. She also agreed to take an STD test. She keeps saying I know the worst thing I could do to you right now is lie, I'm telling you the truth.


Take her up on the polygraph test. You'd be surprised how many people get parking lot confessions.

And you really have room mates? Are you still in college or something?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> I want to call her parents and talk about it but honestly I'm embarrassed. I don't even sort of know how to go about that conversation.
> 
> Also I don't think they conspired to get me drunk, She had worked late that night, and he had come over later. I had been drinking with our roommates before she even got home. I also was the one who invited him over, he didn't ask to come over, however I can't remember if she asked me to ask him.


Sounds like she saw the opportunity and then milked it. She kept urging you to go to be do they could get busy. That much is obvious.

Have her do the polygraph.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> Also I don't think they conspired to get me drunk, She had worked late that night, and he had come over later. I had been drinking with our roommates before she even got home. I also was the one who invited him over, he didn't ask to come over, however I can't remember if she asked me to ask him.


Certainly seems like a solid foundation for marriage, what with beer pong and drinking until 5 am and all. What could go wrong?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> What? You have a wife, daughter and roommates!?!? Are these roommates men? You and your wife also work opposite shifts too? IDK, maybe there is a picture coming into sharper focus...


Deja vu. My best friend from HS rented out rooms in his house to help pay the mortgage. He was married with two daughters. He was a firefighter who was often away for long stretches, living at the station. So what happened? She made a habit of 'entertaining' the roommates. Sometimes she did it when he was in the house. They divorced. 

So, she lived a single life for awhile and came back a 'changed person'. They remarried. Guess what happened next? She is a serial cheater. They divorced a second time. 

She eventually remarried. She has just been caught cheating again. 

Guess she'll eventually move on to marriage number 4.

I remember when he talked about her after the first divorce, he spit bullets ... real venom coming out of his mouth. It was surprising because he is the kind of guy that has a million friends and everybody loves. He has a number of loyal lifetime friends, including me, who would do anything for him. The person who should have been the most loyal, his wife, committed the worst betrayal. She had him hooked though and didn't have a hard time convincing him she had changed.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> Also as far as the touching and kissing thing went, thats what she first said and when i made her elaborate on it she told me that he had fingered her, and then she told him to leave, he then asked her to walk him to his car which she agreed to. She then tells me she got in his car and kissed his neck and made out with him while he jacked himself off and then he left.


First, although not intercourse, what she just admitted to is still called sex. Gays do not have intercourse but they do have sex. This is flat out full cheating. 

Second, cheaters always lie and try to minimize. That is the norm for cheaters. Whatever you wife admitted to, she actually did more. She would not have just watched him jack off, especially if he had helped her get off by fingering her. She at at a minimum helped him get off by giving him a hand job and blow job. In fact they both probably gave oral. That being said, it is hard to believe that two adults having sex would stop at anything less than full intercourse, because once they crossed as far as she admitted, it became cheating, so there would be no point in doing anything less.

You do not need to know anything more than what you do already to know that she is a cheater that cannot be trusted, and that your best friend is not really your friend. With this in mind, take action accordingly. Talk is not action.

Also, based on what you have admitted, you are an undiagnosed alcoholic. Do not take my word for it, Google to look up the indications of such, you have them bud. Beer pong every week, drinking until you puck, falling asleep in a drunken stupor, none of this is normal if you live a healthy adult way of life.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You already, have all the advice you need to understand what really happened, and not what she said happened

She kept rejecting you, her own H, when you wanted her to go upstairs with you, at that point a proper married MOTHER and wife---at 5 a m would have told the other guy to split---she did not

She may not have had full on sex at that time, as she knew in the back of her mind, you might just come back downstairs---but she did enuff, to destroy any mge, and considering you are basically less than 9 months into yours, this is not a woman you should even consider staying with-----also if she was really into you and the mge---when he hit on her, she should have shut him down, AND TOLD YOU---so you could have helped her protect the mge, and your family

If you wanna stay with this woman, and I'm not sure why you would ,---you need to be hard as nails about this

She needs to come out of her cushy lifestyle---your party hosting and drinking, needs to be slowed way down-----and in fact---NOT be hosted by you anymore---as you can see what it has done

She needs to be completely accountable, she needs to stop drinking, stop associating with men who are NOT friends of your mge, altogether-----she needs to take the POLY---go to the closest police station, they will give you a list of good poly operators---and she needs to sign a POST--NUP, with a DURESS clause----do not allow her to manipulate you into not making these things happen, no matter what she agrees to---at this point you know she is a liar, and she knows how to lie, very well.

If all of these demands, and boundaries are not met, and in place---tell her D., is on the table, right now------she MUST do all the heavy lifting TO GET BACK INTO THE FAMILY---there is no discussion about this, no argument from her---this is your ballgame, if you say jump, she responds how high

She also needs to start learning how to be a MOTHER---a mother would not put her child's future at risk like your POS wife, has done---she at this point is a selfish, disrespectful, lying cheat, and she needs to know it--------She planned and manipulated for this adultery to happen, right in your own home, with you and her own child present------it DOES NOT GET ANY LOWER THAN WHAT SHE DID!!!!!!!!


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

ConfusedByBetrayal said:


> We have people come over every friday to play some beer pong and drink some, but normally we aren't wasted by the end of the night, it's more of a social thing.


You do this while your daughter is in the house? Not a best way to grow up with drunken people around... 

You said your friend drove home. I would have reported him of drunk driving.

I think this was asked already but you didn't answer: what made you suspect your wife in the morning?


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