# I've never felt so ugly and unattractive



## hohum (Dec 14, 2010)

My SO and I have been having issues, the past few months have been hard, our sex life has dwindled from what used to be super passionate to the functional.

Space was asked for and space was given, then we spoke and they said they weren't sure if they were still in love with me and that they didnt feel sexually attracted to me.

Through further conversation we realised that there has been a total lack of communication, the little things I did as a joke in bed were seen as a turn off etc etc

Then yesterday I was told how they had been having an EA, apparently nothing physical occurred and the issues we had been having may have been the reason, this was also the catalyst for the break as my SO thought that if they felt like that for someone else then the marriage was over.

They apologised for their actions/thoughts said they didnt want to be a cheater and asked if I could forgive. I asked if they could forgive themselves and they said they would try.

My SO has also said that they will cut all contact with the OP that they will leave their work (they worked together) and that they are 100% committed to making the marriage work.

Yesterday when I said but you don't actually fancy me they said they would work on that and that it wouldn't be a big problem to get it back.

I know I am a very good looking woman, I know I get comments from others etc but I have never ever felt so ugly, and I don't think I have ever been hurt so much.

We're supposed to be trying after the holidays as we are spending them apart. I told them that they had to start thinking on how to make the marriage work as opposed to how to end it, also they said that we may need to take things slowly and not move straight back in together etc but in my extremely fragile state I don't know if I can have the distance. 

How do I get over these feelings and move on?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm confused. You have used "they" and "them" as pronouns for your SO a lot. How many SOs are there?:scratchhead:


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## hohum (Dec 14, 2010)

827Aug said:


> I'm confused. You have used "they" and "them" as pronouns for your SO a lot. How many SOs are there?:scratchhead:


There's one, apologies for the grammar


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Are you certain your SO was only having an EA? Your SO's behavior is typical for someone who is cheating. It is quite common for a betrayed spouse to feel inadequate. Unfortunately, getting your self-esteem back can be challenging. I found reading self-help books and seeing a therapist to be helpful. 

Good luck finding your inner strength and self-confidence again.


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## hohum (Dec 14, 2010)

No I'm not sure, I think it probably has been physical. I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

The counciling advice is good. Also, when I had felt like this, I made a list of all the things that made me feel good about me, eg. getting a massage, exercise, lunch with friends, etc. Look at your list and begin doing the ones you can do now and plan for the more difficult or pricey ones later. From there, just take it day by day, asking how you feel and what you want. If you aren't comfortable with the next step, then give yourself time. If he is serious about this then there has to be a lot of communication. You don't have to suffer those feelings alone. That passion you speak of starts in the livingroom not the bedroom. Think back when you first got together, I'll bet you had lots of commucation and sharing then that made you feel special.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

EA, PA, what's the difference? The fact is that it is still an A.
Hohum, you should take this time apart to work on you, and figure out how to not feel so ugly anymore, and if you and the SO can work that out and get past it, then great! Best of luck to you


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## hohum (Dec 14, 2010)

Thanks for the advice, I am starting to look out for me, it hurts really bad though.


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