# Can I call my marriage sexless? Please please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



## Viv (Aug 12, 2010)

Dear everyone, 
I am new here. Just read some postings that I can so relate to. Here is my marraige problem. I am most thankful if you could give me some advice. 
My husband and I are both 33. We started dating in early 2000 and got married in Oct 2003. Sex was really good and often enough before marriage. I found however, his interest in sex diminished immediately after we got married. A couple months into the marriage, we had sex maybe a couple times. During those 2 months, once I even found spunk on his underwear while obviously he didn't choose to have sex with me. I was very frustrated, and felt rejected and hurt. Long story short, it has been 7 years, during which time we averagely have sex 1 or 2 times every month, and a couple times we didn't have sex for 2 months. I tried many times to talk to him, but it didn't work well. My husand in generally doesn't like to talk about it, and the conversation always ended up with a fight. He said he just didn't feel like having sex. He didn't think there is anything he should do about it. I, on the other hand, is heart broken. I don't think I am a sex maniac and am asking too much. I would be very happy to have it once every week. I think sex is a bonus for the weekend. I think I am being very reasonable. Also I would like the sex to be a bit more regular. It is a happy and beautiful expectation for me. But there is never any pattern in my husband's need. Occasionally we could have sex once a week for two weeks in a row, then the next time is 3 weeks or a month later. Whenever he wants it, I always satifay his need although usually after a long pause, my body doesn't react well, and I don't really enjoy it. But I don't want to hurt him by saying no. However, whenever I approached him, I am 100% rejected. I stopped initiating it 4 or 5 years ago. I tried to talk to him about it. He said he couldn't help because I always approached him at the wrong time, and he was not in the mood. During those long pauses, I could really get irritable although I tried very hard to supress my temper. You know this thing really affects all aspects in our marriage. It has been on and off like this for 7 years with rounds (from my part) of long waiting to getting angry, to talking to my husband to having a fight to occasional sex. I am less and less willing to meet his need when he has one because I don't think it is fair to force my body to react after a long drying period. I feel like I am a piece of land that is drying up in these years, while my husbandly would grudgingly toss a few droplets to me that are just enough to keep me from dying. Oh, one thing to mention. in 2006 when once we didn't have sex for 2 months, as fate had it, I found porn video from his comupter twice. I know he was masterbating there. He was embarrassed. Other than the bedroom problem, we are quite in love. He treats me very well. I guess that is why I have managed 7 years in this situation. But I have started to worry that this problem will eventually explode everything and the marriage. I don't think it can get any better. Should I still stay in this marriage? Am I too young to be deprived of sexual pleasure? Or Am I asking too much? Please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I'd suggest getting help in the following order:

1 - doctor visit for him to make sure he is physically OK.

2 - marriage counselor for both of you so (a) you can express your frustration and (b) he can respond/explain, both in a neutral, guided setting.

3 - a sex therapist for him if all else fails.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

:iagree: With Chris. That would seem to be the best way to go about it right now.


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## Viv (Aug 12, 2010)

Thanks so much, Chris and Dawn.


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