# Venting And Trying To Cope



## mindtripz (Dec 23, 2011)

Last night was the worst night I ever had. Last night was when my wife of 10 years told me to leave the house. I love my wife from the very moment I stared into her eyes. She had done nothing but support me through the great times and through the worst times. She is a beautiful wife and perfect mother to our two strong, handsome and smart boys. I can say that I can never stop getting tired of looking at her whether she is awake or asleep, make-up or au natural. I basically put myself in a predicament where my poor judgement and decisions have rocked my relationship not once but twice. The second time around though might cost me my soulmate. I fought for my innocence the first time but paid my dues and she believed in me and stuck by my side. The second time I had proof and was so confident that the other party was lying that it was still too much for her because of the similarities of both events. She has not said anything about separation or the "D" word but I fear that all the things that we built together will be destroyed forever. As much as I want to repair our relationship as quickly as possible, I know that it will take some time. It just sucks that the holidays are so near which makes me feel more depressed because we should be happy wrapping presents and figuring out what to cook for Christmas Eve and Christmas. I am so depressed right now but I have to be strong in front of my children's eyes. I miss her so much and want to tell her every with every breath how much I love, appreciate and miss her. I took her for granted and lost her trust. I'm desperately and carefully trying to get it back. Patience is unfortunately not one of my virtues. The balls in her court and I am willing to do what it takes to make things work. The only option that is not acceptable is a Divorce!


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

What did you do. Did you cheat. Or does she think you did.


----------



## mindtripz (Dec 23, 2011)

I'm going to try to make a long story short, I was blasted this accusation of trying to kiss my friends sister to not only myself but to our core friends only after I ended my friendship with this person. This incident they accused me of was well over a month ago and to just bring it up at a time when I end my friendship is nothing more than to spite and destroy my reputation and relationship with my wife. My problem was that I did not tell nor give details of what they were trying to do. I thought keeping the drama away from her, I can protect her. I should've told her what they were accusing me of once he sent the email. They found a way to get a hold of her and she was caught off guard and that is what caused this problem. I already proved their accusations are false but it was still not enough. I lost her trust. She is so adamant that people would never do this especially those we have known for many years but if it was as serious as her accusations is, it should've been dealt with soon after the incident. While I was still friends with the accusers brother or even my wife who was with me that night. She should have said something to somebody. Why do they have to bring it up more than month from the incident and after I ended my friendship with that girls brother? I spoke to a friend and a minister who told me he had seen so many instances of people trying to destroy other peoples reputation and character when things don't go well with each party. I tell her that they want us ruined and broken like her (who got caught cheating and was herself divorced). They don't want to see our happiness, our joy, our love for each other. I don't want them to win and I don't want to lose my wife.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your post is not clear at all.

You said there were two times. 

1st time -- Did you have an emotional or physical affair this first time?

2nd time -- did you try to kiss this person or do something that was inappropriate?

Did you really do nothing?

Where did this happen or not happen? At a bar? At someone's house? Where was your wife when this happened? Why were you out without her?

Just trying to get some info an dclarity


----------



## mindtripz (Dec 23, 2011)

The gist of it is that my wife thinks the incident is too similar of a circumstance. She tells me why she has to go through this again. I kept telling her it is two totally different incidents. The first time, it wasn't me who initiated the contact but a contact did occur and everyone found out that same night. The second time, I get accused but the story she is telling everyone never happened and kept telling her nothing happened the way she claimed. I have lots of proof and I want to tell her but she still does not want to talk to me. I have friends that also asked me about what happened and sided with them. I proved my innocence and they will vouch for the story but she hasn't called them. 

I know where I messed up and I want to let her know that I take full responsibility of my actions for not telling her as soon as the email and accusations started to spread. I hid it from her hoping that she does not have to get involved and only told her that my friend and I were no longer friends and to avoid him and his family. I should have told her right away of what they were accusing me of and now I am where I am. It made look like I was hiding something when my intention was to not have her stress over drama this person was stirring up. I am only fighting for the truth that the story she had said to her and my friends had not happened at all that evening.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is it the same woman in both cases?


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You seem to be all muddled up and give a very long story. I appreciate that that is how you see it. But we the posters here trying to work it out, would understand it better if you just said the plain facts. You either cheated once, twice or didnt. And that your wife thinks you did or didnt. The shorter the post the better. Then we can ask questions to what we consider relevant. As you yourself see it has only brought two replies because no one understands what it is all about.


----------



## mindtripz (Dec 23, 2011)

No. But as I sit here by myself for the last couple of hours contemplating of what has happened with my wife and I, I realized that all the things I've done I thought were special should have been standard in a husband to his wife. I should have listened more intently n taken into account her feelings and emotions with any of the decisions I make. Now I see how I got myself in this situation and I fear it may not be repairable. I have never cheated on her but I neglected and dismissed her opinions, feelings and instincts. It doesn't matter if I found out the truth with the second incident. It happened again and that was her worse fear. I failed to live up to my responsibility as a husband and disregarded her advices. I will now have to live with the fact that I may never get back with my soul mate ever again. I start to see that there were plenty of chances she has given me but I played with fire so much that I finally got burned. I love my wife so much and I never intentionally meant to hurt her so deeply. The words that come out of my mouth are as poison as those who is destroying what I have with her with their lies. Life sucks!


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Again a very long post. So you have never cheated. Never been with another woman. So what exactly have you done which is so terrible that your wife considers a divorce is necessary. Try to keep it short.


----------



## mindtripz (Dec 23, 2011)

I know it has only been a few days since she told me to leave the house but I'm the type of person that always seem to fear the worst. With this last incident, old wounds I thought were healed opened up. She is reliving the first incident all over again. I was accused of being the initiator and even though I had the proof of their lies for both, it was just too much for her to take in and accept. The trust had been broken. Trust is one of the foundations of Love and especially in a relationship. Without it, how can you truly love a person. She is thinking that right now and time away from her is what I fear will make things worse. The family who knows of our situation tell me to let her have her space and time to think. My instincts is telling me that I should be there next to her so that she can see in my eyes and here the words coming out of my mouth that I am truthful, faithful and committed to this relationship.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have children? Why would you leave your home? She cannot just throw you out.


----------



## mindtripz (Dec 23, 2011)

Yes, we have two handsome boys. She asked me to leave. We were renting her parents second home. Today I went to pick the boys up to hang out with me. I didn't want to but I had to look at her hand and I didn't see her wearing her wedding ring. I felt as if the most dullest sword had stabbed me straight through the heart. I hate this roller coaster ride of emotions that I'm going through. I try to be optimistic but when crap like this happens, it just seems to be a losing battle of getting her back. This is pure torture to my heart and soul knowing that death is coming and the torture and pain will never cease until I hear the worst words that will come out of her mouth. The "D" word.


----------

