# UPDATE on separation and possibly helping some of you.



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/20934-separated-form-me-out-blue.html
I posted about my separation on the general relationship board ,at that time i had no idea we have our place here,so if you didn't see it go ahead and read the story.

Just wanted to may be help out some of you ,not that i have a complete happy ending yet but there is a hope now.
I personally think that moving away to a place I have chosen and taking a little control of the situation is what made a huge difference on how things turned out,it was like a wake up call for him.Of course in our case there was no OW involved,it was all about his personal unhappiness and desire to have the single carefree life again.
I think me taking control at one point and still being nice to him despite his hurtful comments and actions is what did it...believe me that was hard...if you know me you will know what I'm talking about,i have a pride as big as mountain EVEREST.
There will be a lot of work for both of us now so we can regain the love that we had and that will be the hardest part for me but I am willing to give it a chance.
Anyways,i will be updating you guys,i still have 2 more months before we move in together...anything can happen...right?! No safe mode anymore...at least not for me.


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## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

Your post does give me some hope. I have been posting about my making a list of things for us to do to get the separation going, he is still living in the house with me and my son. SInce he is the one who wants to end the marriage, I told him he has to move out and that I am not making any decision about the house right now. I had been doing things like making plans on the weekend with him, kissing him good bye, small affections, but last week I stopped when he said that he is still going and not willing to try marriage counseling. I keep hoping if he actually has to do something, I will. He read my list, I asked him about it, he said, that is a good list, we should talk about it, but he won't make a plan to do that. I suggested he add to the list and share his thoughts with me and he said he would , but that was days ago and not list. Last night we decided we would talk on Saturday. I told him I wanted the bandaid treatment, quick (although not painless) but if he is looking for a place to live, he is not telling me. Saturday witll tell. I tell him I love him and don't want this separation or divorce but that if it is going to happen, he has to get out now. Hoping he will miss me


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

hopemom...you're doing the right thing,stop giving him affection but be nice , like being nice to a stranger.

What i would suggest in your case is to provoke him.I've known people that talk about separation and threaten their spouse but it's all a game for them,they don't actually mean to do it.They just like playing with the other persons feelings,it feels good to them being in control and seeing you beg them not to do it.In some weird way it is some kind of ego booster for them.
If you're brave enough give him a deadline or tell him you will start telling people /relatives... if he is bluffing than you'll be able to tell when you show him you are getting serious about it too.


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## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

we are supposed to put aside some planning time this Saturday, I am going to tell him I am telling my closest friend, my sister this Saturday, see how he feels about that. She is coming over with my family on Sunday for the Superbowl, he will have to face her there. Who knows which way it will go. He is looking to do this painlessly, HA, how is that possible after 29 years together


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## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

Like hopemom, my wife is the one who wants to end our 30 year relationship, so I told her she will have to be the one to move out.

My wife has checked out so any type of affection or nice talk is not welcomed. wishing you the best.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

troy said:


> Like hopemom, my wife is the one who wants to end our 30 year relationship, so I told her she will have to be the one to move out.


Like above, but I couldn't make my kids virtually homeless, so I moved


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