# Starting Over



## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

For those of you on here that were married for more than 18 yrs. Kids already grown, etc. Do you think you will be able to start over with another relationship that could involve turning back the clock and having step children that are young? I am just curious to know if some of you folks on here aren't a bit nervouse about that or are you just going to make a conscious decision to not become involved with someone who might have younger children. I mean, it would seem like such a sad thing if we were to meet someone who really appealed to us and took our breath away, then it turns out you would have to repeat the child rearing years and because of that you decided you can't be with this new person. I don't know why all these thoughts are going through my head and I am not even D yet. I think this may be part of the mental process of D. I don't even know why I am scared about that, seems like I am putting too much pressure on myself too soon but I don't know how to get out of this mode. ray:


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

I don't think I could but then I don't think i will ever be in that position. I am over 50 woman and I don't imagine there are two many 40 or 30 yr old men out there waiting to date me.

I'll probably end up with the 60 or 70 yr old as it will be a while before I will want to date anyone.

33 years and starting over - not looking forward to it at all.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Clinging, you never know. And yes 30+yrs for me and starting over. I just don't know how to not be married as I said before. BTW, I am 50 so the children thing could be someone that has middle aged kids. So I am sort of in the same boat as you but I just turned 50 so I am in median there. I am also not ready to date yet, but I think you can see why I don't really want to wait too long; I feel as if I do that, I might miss the boat - I am on the crest. I do have to get my feet firmly on the ground first; I am still new to this Sep and D thing.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

It's only been a couple of months into this S/D thing. I just turned 50 this year. I guess I haven't really thought about that. My kids are pretty much grown. My son is 23 and getting married in the fall and my daughter turns 18 next month. I feel that any kids now will be grandkids, when the time comes. At this point, I don't think about dating right now, maybe the wounds are still too raw from the death of a 25 year marriage. Not quite ready to jump in that pool yet.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

brighterlight said:


> For those of you on here that were married for more than 18 yrs. Kids already grown, etc. Do you think you will be able to start over with another relationship that could involve turning back the clock and having step children that are young? I am just curious to know if some of you folks on here aren't a bit nervouse about that or are you just going to make a conscious decision to not become involved with someone who might have younger children. I mean, it would seem like such a sad thing if we were to meet someone who really appealed to us and took our breath away, then it turns out you would have to repeat the child rearing years and because of that you decided you can't be with this new person. I don't know why all these thoughts are going through my head and I am not even D yet. I think this may be part of the mental process of D. I don't even know why I am scared about that, seems like I am putting too much pressure on myself too soon but I don't know how to get out of this mode. ray:


I think if I ever divorce I'll be on my own forever! Early 40's and a toddler and a newborn. Not too many out there who'd sign up for that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I'm 42 and my son is going to be 19 in a couple of months. I wouldn't rule someone out who was a great fit, but I won't be looking for guys with young kids that's for damn sure.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

staircase said:


> I'm 42 and my son is going to be 19 in a couple of months. I wouldn't rule someone out who was a great fit, but I won't be looking for guys with young kids that's for damn sure.


I know a 32 year old with 9 year old D and 77 year old boyfriend. Hmmm lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Well, you guys are great to have around to talk (post) to. LOL. 
Sadand - yip, I'm with ya. Went to get my yearly eye exam, when filling the form, it said "emergency contact". (Scratching my head) hummm, here is where I put my W, but no, I had to put my parents number on there. I mean, really? I haven't done that since I was a teenager. Wow, life is unscripted! Damn!

Golfergirl, you never know who will be there for you. Don't give up even if u have little ones. Some men, are better than you think. If you are willing to open your heart and love again fully, it doesn't matter if you have little ones, someone will care for them as much as you. And they still have their father so have faith. It's up to you to open your heart again. It will take a while and early 40's is still young. Hang in there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Staircase, 42 and a 19 year old! Awesome, you'll do fine. Your situation is sorta like mine, im 50 with a 28, 26 and 22 year old. Gotta move on ya know. What am I saying, my stbxw hasn't even filed yet. Wait, ok, we will file together without an attorney! I know, Jellybeans would say get a frickin' lawyer. LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

This is an interesting post for me. I have been with my husband (who recently movedout) for 20 years. He is 40 and I am 55. I look about 43 – I am told! Obviously got a few give away bits-but generally ok.
We separated 12 yrs ago. At that time I was content in my own space. Now however with children grown-ages 25, 23 and 16 I would be glad to have someone special in my life-but not for a long while as not ready.
I do think about it . When I look at men of my age, they often seem to have let themselves go a bit, people I was at school with for example, and physically I don’t really ‘fancy’ them.
I have always got to know someone before dating and then the looks, body don’t worry me as I accept them and love them as they are. For this reason I am not sure if a date website will work for me, due to attracting probably older men who I won’t fancy. I don’t have much opportunity to meet men in my work as a carer, unless you count the ones I look after-lol!
I told my husband I am happy to accept a lot of things with you, and work hard as we have 20 years behind us, but if I have another relationship I don’t want lots of baggage, he will have to tick most of the boxes!
At my age, that may be near impossible. I do muse over this subject quite a bit, will follow this thread!


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## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

Nearly 50 and on the verge of ending a 30 year relationship; the only one I have known. I am terrified to go out into the world alone. When I wake up one morning and the house is empty, then I know I am alone.

I dont plan to go looking for now. I plan to take some time off to reflect on my life and figure out what I want to do with the rest of it. I am not the type that just wants to have fun and be entertained. I prefer a slower pace of a life with purpose. 

So this is where my mind would be moving forward. If by chance I should meet someone who is a good fit for me and we "click", I dont know what I would do at this time. 

I feel my thinking will change with time as I move on with the single life. Its quite possible I may remain alone for the rest of my life, and that may not be such a bad thing. Everytime I think of the pain I have gone through for so many years is good motivation for me not to want another relationship ever again.

Only time will tell, and the clock is ticking...


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

reindeer said:


> This is an interesting post for me. I have been with my husband (who recently movedout) for 20 years. He is 40 and I am 55. I look about 43 – I am told! Obviously got a few give away bits-but generally ok.
> We separated 12 yrs ago. At that time I was content in my own space. Now however with children grown-ages 25, 23 and 16 I would be glad to have someone special in my life-but not for a long while as not ready.
> I do think about it . When I look at men of my age, they often seem to have let themselves go a bit, people I was at school with for example, and physically I don’t really ‘fancy’ them.
> I have always got to know someone before dating and then the looks, body don’t worry me as I accept them and love them as they are. For this reason I am not sure if a date website will work for me, due to attracting probably older men who I won’t fancy. I don’t have much opportunity to meet men in my work as a carer, unless you count the ones I look after-lol!
> ...


I am in a similar situation. My husband is considerably younger than me. I have yet to find someone my age who likes to do the things I do-mainly go to concerts and large music festivals and muscle my way to the front where all the action is. I mainly go with my niece and son! There has to be another guy out there who will engage in the brutality of shows with me. Right?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

brighterlight said:


> Well, you guys are great to have around to talk (post) to. LOL.
> Sadand - yip, I'm with ya. Went to get my yearly eye exam, when filling the form, it said "emergency contact". (Scratching my head) hummm, here is where I put my W, but no, I had to put my parents number on there. I mean, really? I haven't done that since I was a teenager. Wow, life is unscripted! Damn!
> 
> Golfergirl, you never know who will be there for you. Don't give up even if u have little ones. Some men, are better than you think. If you are willing to open your heart and love again fully, it doesn't matter if you have little ones, someone will care for them as much as you. And they still have their father so have faith. It's up to you to open your heart again. It will take a while and early 40's is still young. Hang in there!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Still with H but beware! He was 50 when we had first one and his oldest is 32! You never know (just kidding).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

troy, I feel ya! Not in a hurry to feel the pain again. But then again, there is where our hearts need to heal. To be able to trust and open up again. Hopefully this will happen - story still to be written.

Golfergirl, good that you are still with H. a baby at 50. Well, I am 50 and have a 28 year old but WOW!!!! I don't know if I could start over, God bless him.


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