# right path to give best chance reconciliation?



## bertie (Apr 28, 2012)

Hi
My husband has been away at family for a few months-nothing in particular happened but we ended up in that spiral where each got annoyed with the other and small things suddenly became big issues. We tried dating etc but it was not successful mainly as I think I was in "the fog" as it appears to be called! Essentially I was overthinking-at first i was overanalysing and panicking trying to fix everything and then i spent time continuing to perservere with things that i thought had been fixed and acting as i thought he wanted me to and keeping the pressure off (ie not acting in a loving way, waiting for him to call me etc as he had said it annoyed him and he wanted space). anyway, long story short it turns out I was basing this on things he'd said right at the beginning and through a total lack of clear communication and the rollercoaster of one minute seeming to connect the next seeming to not want be near me he ended up getting the impression that i just wasn't particularly interested in him and he asked to separate properly a few weeks ago. 
he's now only communicating when i contact him first but has told me he's looking for a place to rent. We have talked a bit and he hasn't completely closed the door on reconciliation saying we don't know what the future will bring but i shouldn't just wait for him. i have had a couple of bad moments where i've called him when feeling bad/panicky and tried to reason with him why he should come home/telling him i missed him etc which as you can imagine has pushed him further away (particularly as worrying is one thing he finds particularly annoying!). Actually now feeling much better about myself and can see that for the last few months i've just been totally down however much i've tried to be the opposite and dwelling more than i should have which hasn't helped get me out of that (I was trying the 180 to make me feel better but I wasn't being very successful as went too far one way with some of it and failed at others!) Getting myself back on my feet and feeling much more positive now but don't know if i've got to this place too late as he's now rewriting history and saying that there were some good times and that is it.

I don't know whether to just not contact him for a while and wait for him to come to me or whether that will make him think i don't care again as he was doing all hte contacting for the last couple of months or just keep up with what i've been doing more successfully in the last week whcih is sporadic light conversations but currently me doing all the contacting?

Any thoughts appreciated!!


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## MeMe0527 (Aug 20, 2012)

Hi Bertie, 

I am going thru something similar. It is never too late to do the 180....even if you have begged, pleaded, cried, and did it all over again, you can restart the 180 process again. I started mine about 3 days ago and gave in today by texting him and asking what he was doing. He never responded but I left it at that instead of calling and texting trying to figure out why he didn't respond. My husband left a week ago. I actually suggested it because he was not happy and I knew he was not "in love with me anymore" He left previously for 6 weeks and came back but things weren't changing his feelings. I had changed for the better but it didn't seem to work. I am not sure we stuck it out as long as we should have but I couldn't dred walking around the house any longer with my husband not "loving" me like I love him. I am not sure if it was the right thing to do but if he wanted to stay, I believe he would have stayed but he chose to walk out the door. 

Stick to the 180 no matter how much you want to give....If you have a weak moment, go online and get your feelings out. That is what I will try to do. 

Good Luck! Praying our husbands see the light and come back home, where they belong.


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