# My Husband Told Me He Thinks All We Have Is Friendship



## keysgirl28 (May 2, 2011)

For several weeks now my husband has been a bit distant, I kept asking whats wrong with no reply until last Monday. I said "what is wrong are you seeing someone else?" He claimed not to but that he doesn't feel the same anymore. We have been together for over 22 years, married for 17. We have beautiful twin 11 year old daughters. Up until now, our marriage has been good, we don't fight, we agree on how we've raised our daughters, we have a beautiful home, vacations you name it. Maybe it wasn't as perfect as I thought. He works two jobs one is a a paramedic which leaves him out of the house overnight every two days, his other job is as a pt instructor. He is rarely home and when he is, he is playing on his laptop. Initially, I asked that we go see a counselor and his reply was he didn't want to give me any false hope. He then decided he did want to go see a counselor that we have scheduled for this week. I am very confused! He says he's not leaving because he doesn't know what he wants. Should I ask him to leave or wait and see how counseling goes??


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

If you feel like there is someone else, there probably is someone else.

That being said, at minimum he might be seeing the fact that he is rarely home, and when he is home, all he has is his laptop. You don't fight, perhaps that implies there is no passion. (And even if you think there is, he might not.)

It sounds like communication might well be the answer and counseling would possibly be a great help in this area.


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## keysgirl28 (May 2, 2011)

Thank you Anthony8858, I will try that keylogger program I didn't know there was such product. 

Acorn, I'll see what our counseling session is like on Thursday! Thanks!


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## rebootingnow (May 3, 2011)

See how the couselling goes first. 

The bottom line is he's saying he's different. He's got to decide if he's going to fight for the marriage, or not. If not, then you take it where you need to.

The key logger program could get you into to trouble. Its easy to tell its running, if you know anything about computers. If you are curious to what he's doing on the computer, just look at the browser history (computer), search history, or email send or deleted folder (Google Account). Most people leave a lot of evidence without realizing it. Even savvy people.


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## Rough Patch Sewing (Apr 18, 2011)

This could be a long-shot, BUT perhaps it is the stress and pressure of having 2 jobs, one being potentially a high stress one, the paramedic job. Could he have any PTSD issues from handling such a job that requires high stress and helping hurting people. PTSD may be sapping his enjoyment of life and working 2 jobs to maintain a nice house/lifestyle may be making him resentful.

Has any of this been discovered in counseling? I hope the best for you. I hope that the marriage counseling allows both of you to be able to open up to each other about any such marriage problems that may be the root cause of his disconnectedness, through open-ended and constructive communication. I discuss such marriage problems and the use of open-ended and constructive communication to aid in the resolution of those marriage problems in my article:  Marriage in Crisis. I wish the best for you and your marriage and that the truth is made manifest in your counseling.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I don't know, I don't necessarily see an affair here. If he's agreed to counseling you have nothing to lose and asking him to leave sounds premature to me. You may find out in counseling that there are any number of reasons for his behavior. Be patient and take him at his word for now.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Your story is *exactly* like mine. He is now living away from me, and seeing OW. I had suspected there was one, but he had denied. It was someone from work, he had confided in then........well the same old story.

Same story 12 years ago. We did go to marriage counselling, then but he lied all the way through, so convincingly that the counsellor was so taken in. He only went to look as if he was trying, and get out of the marriage in an easier way. This time I did not even ask him to go .

If he is willing to go to counselling then give it a shot, but trust your gut instinct too.

I am personally very wary of key logging and too much snooping. I have done a little when necessary. Howver I think it can become obsessional. If you make a go of things you might still be checking up on him, and that is not healthy to you and you will not rest. Also from what I see on this site, it is harder to let go if it does not work out, as people still seem to be checking up on www sites etc.

Know how you are feeling-it is rubbish. My relationship was 20 years. Take care.


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## Rough Patch Sewing (Apr 18, 2011)

I wonder if his claim of only feeling friendship for you is holding up as having any truthfulness to it. I certainly hope so. Greater still, I hope the truth comes out in counseling.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

It very well could be resentment, possibly over a lack of sex?


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