# Had a complete mental breakdown today :(



## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Well today H called to ask for the $$$ to help him out and I stood strong and told him I just couldn't. Well in the process I asked him if he ever planned to ever come home and he told me no. I keep my calm through out all of it and then freaked out.  

I panicked and relized I was completely alone in this state and probably should go home to where my family was so I could have a support system. I texted him and a huge fight broke out....you cant take the kids ect. He called me everything in the world and pretty much told me I was worse then a murdered. That I didn't change ect. 

I then ended up begging him to come home or at least try therapy(something we never did). I am ashamed of myself right now and even more lost.


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## HowToMoveOn? (Apr 25, 2010)

wow, sorry to that you're going through this. I'm on this website because I have no support system either. I hope you and your husband can at least try counseling, he might regret not trying it one day.


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

Sounds like you could do with support right now. Are you a member of a local church that can help out?


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I am pretty much alone. All my family is back several states away. I wish he would just give therapy a chance if anything to learn how to communicate better for our children.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

THERE ARE MANY SUPPORT GROUPS...............
FIND THEM!

GET SOME HELP FOR YOURSELF AND TAKE COMPLETE
FOCUS OFF HIM.

peace-------------------------------------cb45


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

The counseling will help you, especially since you are so isolated. Don't beat yourself up over this--just vow to do better next time. How old are your kids? Do you work or have hobbies where you have friends? Lean on them--so many have been through this or know someone who has. It only takes one or two friends to help you get through the toughest part. 

I too am completely isolated from family and was throughout my marriage. I have 6 years until I can reasonable expect to move closer to them (we've always stayed close with visits and calls, etc). It's really hard b/c I don't expect my parents to live that much longer. BUT, it is important that my kids have their dad in their life, so I'm making this sacrifice for them, and only for them. Yes, it is very hard, but many, many people--esp. women--have been single moms w/o family support before me, so I know I can do it. I take a lot of pride in standing on my own two feet--even when I don't do it so well! That does NOT mean refusing help from, or leaning on, other people when I can-it means pulling my act together when I can't, and muddling through somehow! At the end of the day, I know I've done the best I can and even if it wasn't great, that's the best I can do and all anyone can ask of me. I love my kids and give them what I can--they know I love them and my best effort seems good enough for them, too. Guess I have been raising them right! Hang in there! It does get easier, that's all any of us can say--and it's true.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

My kids are very young....one is still breastfeeding  & the other is elementary I have been a SAHM for over 4 years and for the span of our 11 year marriage I have mainly stayed at home. 

I am just upset with myself that I let it go to that point where I just got out of control. Tomorrow is a new day


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Well today I feel better about the whole situation. I am glad I brought up therapy I don't think he is going to go for it BUT I brought it up and literally begged him to give it a try. I am not saying I didn't make mistakes in this marriage but I tried to fight for it....it may of been too late but I tried. At the end of the night I know what I did and I can sleep a little better. 

Today he called and I felt like again he was manipulating me again. This is a very ugly side of him.....it is like nothing I have ever seen. I almost wish he would just be ass to me instead of trying to be nice to get things.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

finallyseewhy said:


> Well today I feel better about the whole situation. I am glad I brought up therapy I don't think he is going to go for it BUT I brought it up and literally begged him to give it a try. I am not saying I didn't make mistakes in this marriage but I tried to fight for it....it may of been too late but I tried. At the end of the night I know what I did and I can sleep a little better.


finallyseewhy--just so you know we all do that. I know there were days when I begged my exH too and then felt so low ...like "How could I lower myself to beg like that?" It's okay. Just forgive yourself and get back on the horse today. You are a smart, capable, confident, beautiful lady and just had part of a bad day. And you know what? I'm glad your brought up therapy too. At least it's out there as an option! 



> Today he called and I felt like again he was manipulating me again. This is a very ugly side of him.....it is like nothing I have ever seen. I almost wish he would just be ass to me instead of trying to be nice to get things.


I have a suggestion for you. When it begins to feel like he is trying to manipulate you, you don't have to take that you know. You don't have to be mean about it or anything, just say it right out loud: "You know, it feels to me as if you're trying to manipulate me and I have decided to not take that anymore so I'm hanging up. Have a nice day, bye!" then CLICK hang up. Don't let him hook you back into the call with something like: "What do you mean I'm manipulating you? How am I manipulating you?" because even if you gave him the world's perfect example of it, he'd just deny it and try to turn it around on you. When he calls 800 times after you hang up, don't answer it. You weren't mean, you weren't calling him names or abusive--you called it like it felt to you and you hung up nicely. The end. 

It's okay--you can say what you think and feel and you don't have to take it from him. He left. Just hang up.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Yep, that is what I am coming too. I will not let him sit on the phone and give me a sob story because when push comes to shove the biggest sob story was the HELL he put me through the last month. Acting as if he was staying, making love to me, bringing me to a house he knew I would love and talking about buying(NOT FOR US!!! but I didn't know that at the time), making love to me more times then I can count, going on a date with the OW and bringing our child and telling them to NOT tell me, then me waking up to him texting sexual things to her.....and that was just the last month he has done some very very shady things when it comes to other women over the past 11 years. 

Even with all of that I was willing to fight and try to make this work but he didn't want to he wanted his freedom and to be happy. I guess he is getting it and it is not what he had planned....not my problem anymore I guess


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Your husband cheats on you, lies to you, gaslights you, moves out on you, moves out on his children and leaves you as a SAHM without any income so he can go off to be with the OW. Then he has the GALL after all that to call you whining about his money problems and asks you to help him out. Affaircare gives fantastic advice and is a heck of a lot nicer about it than I am. If my husband did that to me I would have told him that frankly I didn't care if he slept in a sewer drain as long as his financial obligations were met to me and our children. I wouldn't give him one damn dime. Now he is upset because you are in self preservation mode and needing to look out for your childrens best interests (infant and toddler) and thinking about moving close to your family and he has the ****ing BALLS to call you worse than a murderer?
He doesn't need a therapist, he needs a surgeon. Somebody who can remove his head from up his ass. It is so far up there he can sniff his own colon. 
And you need a lawyer, STAT! The first consultation is almost always free so use it. Find out what your rights are. You need to protect yourself and most importantly your babies. You are a SAHM with no income, I presume. You have NO idea what direction this will take. He could actually pull his own head out of his ass but most likely will not. Things could get really nasty and he could decide that he isn't going to continue to give you money. Then what? What will you do? If you tell yourself he would NEVER do that then ask yourself this. Did you ever think he could cheat on you, lie to you, gaslight you, walk out on you and your two babies? He is not the same man you knew. Protect yourself, now. 
Lastly, I am really sorry that you are going through all this crap. I haven't been cheated on by my husband of 17 years but my former fiance did. It was excruciating. The worst hell I have ever known. Your husband is the murderer. He murdered your heart, your vows, your beliefs, your trust and your love.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Oh well ****. I posted prior to reading your last comment. He brought your children on a date with the OW(other *****)and then told them not to tell Mommy???? Then he takes you to his "dream house" telling you he wants to buy it all the while it is supposed to be his "love nest" for her? God almighty. I don't even know your husband and I want to kick him in the balls with heavy boots.
Lawyer up. Lawyer up now! Do not wait for him to make a decision. Why give him that power over you? If you still want to be married then serving him with papers is the fastest way for him to realize you are not his doormat anymore and you will not take his **** any longer. Papers can always be withdrawn if by some miracle he decides to REALLY change.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Agree with the posters on this.

I want to lend my assistance in this matter but not as your lawyer. . .yes, you need legal representation. . .but you need to change your perspective a bit:

*Divorce is a business transaction.*

Nothing more. Nothing less with regards to the law.

You are about to find that out.

They don't care he slept with the Rockettes or you slept with the NY Yankees.

Anyway, I would start just addressing him in a businesswoman type of fashion about money - that the money is supposed to flow into the house where the kids are and THAT's all the courts care about.

You need to let him know *you mean business.* Now that doesn't mean you be mean to him (that expression always carries a connotation of being obnoxious) - it just means that whether he knows it or not, he's in the business of child-rearing with you and in the business of spousal support (alimony) and child support. You go get an attorney, one you like, after a one hour consultation, tell your knotheaded husband that you have been advised of your rights and that your attorney won't let you "do this" or that.

Make your attorney seem like the bad guy or gal. That's what I do.

"No, my attorney advises me to not give you money and rather states you should be supporting the household until the divorce decree."

And if he neglects his obligations, there are consequences.

He sounds like he's in "la-la land" - maybe he's a romantic - he's going to run off and live happily ever after with this woman and get a dream-house. . .whatever. . .it's his right to do that actually. More power to him.

AFTER his business obligations have been met under law.

Good luck.

Anyway, I'll try to check in on you and give you a couple of pointers on addressing him in a business-like fashion (I am a business person) and after a few times you'll get the hang of it.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Well last night he came over pretty late at night(he had to bring our youngest back home....he has never been away from mommy and it is too much)

Well I was already in my night gown and he tried to kiss me ect. I did end up making out with him but wouldn't have sex with him and to make a long story short something happen to him and it was pretty embarrassing for him. 

I know I shouldn't of done it I knew when I was doing it I shouldn't be doing it I just miss his touch.....I'm ****ed up  He is all I have known for 11 years he was my best friend and now I need to realize he is NOT the person I use to know. All during it he was telling me he was 'sorry' for everything and was having a hard time moving on/staying and just didn't know if he could put himself back in the situation or get wound up in me again....that he was not ready to try at all. 

Its funny because today would of been a week since he left and I don't feel great BUT I do see some light on the horizon. I know it is really far away but I can at least see a glimmer of it. 

I should probably clarify as far as I know(of course I could be completely dumb and believing) the OW/Co-worker was just his friend and SHE didn't want anything more then that. I talked to her and I feel pretty good that is all she wanted....she didn't know he was sneaking around. With all that said he did want more and was just waiting for something to open up or her give him a sign and then swoop in. 

I didn't want to bring anger our in myself going back to what he did in this situation or the many many others....I could write a ****ing book  but part of me thinks maybe I need to. Maybe that will give me find logic in between my 'feelings'


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

My apologies if my advice is out of place.

This may be an "on-again/off-again" situation and I totally respect that. I thought as per this forum you were "Going Thru Divorce."


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> My apologies if my advice is out of place.
> 
> This may be an "on-again/off-again" situation and I totally respect that. I thought as per this forum you were "Going Thru Divorce."


No no no it is in the right place  your advice was GREAT it has never been an off and on thing at all


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