# Husband cheated and I'm pregnant....



## olivebaby (Jul 28, 2012)

My husband and I have been together since I was 19. We got married when I was 21 and he 22. We are now 24 and 25... bought our first home in March and just recently found out, after a year of trying and a miscarriage, we were pregnant in April. At the end of May he left to go work out of state (like he has electively for the past two years.) I begged him not to go because we were in the middle of remodeling our house and didn't want him to miss out on the first 6 months of my pregnancy, if not more. He said he "had" to go (which I later found out was a complete lie.) A day after he got down there he quit answering his phone and I hadn't heard from him for 24 hours so in a wild fit of doubt in him, I checked his phone records and saw that he has been texting a number for months, hundreds of times a day. The area code was from the state he always goes to. I called and a woman answered, I asked her what her relationship was with my husband. She proceeded to tell me they were "friends," before I could stop myself I instantly asked "friends that sleep with eachother?" Her response, "yeah." So I said ,"this is his pregnant wife, were you aware he was married with a baby on the way?" She denied having any knowledge of me and quickly ended the phone call.

When I finally DID get my husband on the phone he tried to deny it for a quick moment and then did admit to it. I let him know he needed to be home within 24 hours or it was over. I picked him up from the airport the next day and it's been hell ever since. I guess he met her last year when he was down there (she is a waitress at a waffle house near his hotel) and when he gave her his phone number she said they could only be friends since she had a boyfriend. Supposidly this past December she broke up with her boyfriend and my husband and her have been "sexting" and making plans to sleep together once he went back, and have even been sending naked pictures to one another. To my knowledge and "monitoring" (ugh) they are no longer in contact with one another.

His reason for doing all this is because he "thought he could get away with it." I'm am finding this horribly hard to believe and accept. How can we work together to make sure this doesn't happen again if this is true? This sounds like an overall lack of care for my life and our life together-- not to mention our unborn child seeing as he gave me two STD's when he got back (I made a poor decision to be initimate with him after he swore for weeks he used protection--when infact he did not.) He swears he loves me, only wants me, wants to have our family together, blah, blah, blah. We are seeing a counselor but I just feel like I deserve to be with someone who treats my life and our child's like it matters, not just throwing it around and seeing what he can "get away with." He says he is a changed man, how the hell is this possible? I just dont' know what to do. I am depressed to say the _very_ least.


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

What do you want? Do you trust him? Trust is hard to fix once it is broken. If you feel like you need to always monitor him, I dont think you will trust him again.


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## olivebaby (Jul 28, 2012)

I want the marriage to work, but I just wonder if I am short changing myself by giving him a chance. And I hate that I feel I can't trust him anymore. 

I thought our relationship was going great, we got married young because we loved each other, wanted to have children, make a home, etc. We FINALLY put that all together and then this? It's also like, if all of this wasn't enough, and he needed to leave and sleep with another woman... when will it ever be enough?

He keeps reassuring me and has been very supportive but his reasoning and the logice of the situation is making it impossible of me to start the healing process, which takes a long time anyway!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I would go after her - send her pics of the babies ultrasound etc. make him look to be a louse who is playing her.


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## olivebaby (Jul 28, 2012)

@ Shaggy- Trust me I have been wild and thought of doing this, I settled for just letting her know about the STD's he contracted.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

olivebaby said:


> My husband and I have been together since I was 19. We got married when I was 21 and he 22. We are now 24 and 25... bought our first home in March and just recently found out, after a year of trying and a miscarriage, we were pregnant in April. At the end of May he left to go work out of state (like he has electively for the past two years.) I begged him not to go because we were in the middle of remodeling our house and didn't want him to miss out on the first 6 months of my pregnancy, if not more. He said he "had" to go (which I later found out was a complete lie.) A day after he got down there he quit answering his phone and I hadn't heard from him for 24 hours so in a wild fit of doubt in him, I checked his phone records and saw that he has been texting a number for months, hundreds of times a day. The area code was from the state he always goes to. I called and a woman answered, I asked her what her relationship was with my husband. She proceeded to tell me they were "friends," before I could stop myself I instantly asked "friends that sleep with eachother?" Her response, "yeah." So I said ,"this is his pregnant wife, were you aware he was married with a baby on the way?" She denied having any knowledge of me and quickly ended the phone call.
> 
> When I finally DID get my husband on the phone he tried to deny it for a quick moment and then did admit to it. I let him know he needed to be home within 24 hours or it was over. I picked him up from the airport the next day and it's been hell ever since. I guess he met her last year when he was down there (she is a waitress at a waffle house near his hotel) and when he gave her his phone number she said they could only be friends since she had a boyfriend. Supposidly this past December she broke up with her boyfriend and my husband and her have been "sexting" and making plans to sleep together once he went back, and have even been sending naked pictures to one another. To my knowledge and "monitoring" (ugh) they are no longer in contact with one another.
> 
> His reason for doing all this is because he "thought he could get away with it." I'm am finding this horribly hard to believe and accept. How can we work together to make sure this doesn't happen again if this is true? This sounds like an overall lack of care for my life and our life together-- not to mention our unborn child seeing as he gave me two STD's when he got back (I made a poor decision to be initimate with him after he swore for weeks he used protection--when infact he did not.) He swears he loves me, only wants me, wants to have our family together, blah, blah, blah. We are seeing a counselor but I just feel like I deserve to be with someone who treats my life and our child's like it matters, not just throwing it around and seeing what he can "get away with." He says he is a changed man, how the hell is this possible? I just dont' know what to do. I am depressed to say the _very_ least.


You are right to be worried some STDs can harm unborn children. Have you had this checked out by the hospital?


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## olivebaby (Jul 28, 2012)

Yes, absolutely, I had a routine test because of my pregnancy after we were intimate and that's how I found out. My OB has since treated me, and that's when he admitted they did not use protection.

Another thing we may have to deal with after the baby is born (which I discussed with my OB) was to either treat the STDs and have the risk of my unborn child having cleft lip, downs syndrome, and/or various other problems. Or let the STD go untreated until after birth and risk a preterm, stilborn labor. So at the advice of my doctor I was treated, and my husband has since been to his doctor and also treated.

We are both currently STD free.


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

You didnt do anything to lose your trust in him, he did. So you shouldnt feel bad. It is all about being able to trust him or not.
And I dont think you should go after the other woman. It is your husband who should have been responsible, not the other woman because there is a lot of other women out there.


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## olivebaby (Jul 28, 2012)

I completely agree, he is the one who cheated on me--not her.


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

So you are all alone on what you want to do and how much you believe him. You are having a baby and that surely makes things difficult.
Just because he did it this one time doesnt mean that he will or wont do it again. You need to talk to him to find out why he did this. Was it the excitement or something missing in your relationship or etc.? And maybe you both need to work on that to see if you can fix it.
I think if you have a reason on why this happened and you believed that reason, the whole thing would make more sense to you and you would start trusting him much faster.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> not to mention our unborn child seeing as he gave me two STD's when he got back (I made a poor decision to be initimate with him after he swore for weeks he used protection--when infact he did not.)


Disgusting pig! If you were my sister and you decided to R with this guy you would have to live with his new re-arranged face! And missing knee caps...


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## olivebaby (Jul 28, 2012)

This is the problem, we have talked this all to death, I mean I think I have literally talked to him about WHY he did this and everytime the ONLY reason I get is because he thought he could get away with it. He gets upset at this point because I have asked him so much, initiated so many conversations about this. But how am I suppose to move the eff on if that is all I get, it's incredibly insane that someone would do something like this just because they thought they could get away with it. I cannot believe it which in turn I cannot start moving past it.

If his reason is true, what kind of person does that make him? I can hardly bare the thought, it's so disgusting.


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

He isnt giving you a satisfactory answer, and that will drive you nuts. He probably means that he did it just for fun and he thought he could get away with it. Maybe with your pregnancy, he started looking for something out of his marriage. I am not justifying anything he did. I am just trying to give you a better reason to grab onto.


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Leave him. Do whatever it takes. Leave him. He is a bad person. Leave him. Did I mention you should leave him???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## olivebaby (Jul 28, 2012)

This whole situation is a complete sh*t show. That is what I keep thinking, he just wanted to get away from his responsibilities and go be single, making big $$ in another state for a while, have some fun... but whenever I suggest this, and trust me I'm done being crazy about it, it's as level a conversation as a cheated on wife can have, he denies and it and just swings back around to getting away with it. *sighs* round and round, I'm sick of typing it now too. I should just leave him, but for some reason I feel like I owe it to my baby to at least give it a try before walking away. Either way I feel like a complete moron.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

olivebaby said:


> This whole situation is a complete sh*t show. That is what I keep thinking, he just wanted to get away from his responsibilities and go be single, making big $$ in another state for a while, have some fun... but whenever I suggest this, and trust me I'm done being crazy about it, it's as level a conversation as a cheated on wife can have, he denies and it and just swings back around to getting away with it. *sighs* round and round, I'm sick of typing it now too. I should just leave him, but for some reason I feel like I owe it to my baby to at least give it a try before walking away. Either way I feel like a complete moron.


You are NOT a moron! Don't think that! Honestly, I think your assessment isn't so far off. He thought he would get away with it, he says. WHY did he think he could get away with it? Because he was.... working in another state, away from his family, away from his responsibilities, playing single, making more $$$. Get it? He thought he could get away with it because he WAS getting away with it... by playing that part!

I'm not gonna tell you to leave him. If you truly want to work it out, you have a LONG road ahead of you. Is he keeping everything open/transparent to you now? Are you able to look at his phone, his email, everything, at any given time, without him trying to stall you? If not, yet... he HAS to do this for you. Plus, he has to agree to counseling if that is what YOU choose to do. You are monitoring, I noticed from your first post. But, was anything told to this woman to never contact him again? 

Honestly, if he is not willing to get to the bottom of the REAL reason for his choice, then I would leave. But, that's me. I wish you the best, whatever you choose to do, tho.


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