# Rewriting history



## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

My husband of 17 years had an affair with a co-worker 10 years ago. He admitted it to me and we went through counseling at which time he said he would never hurt me like that again. Flash forward to today and we are in the same situation - affair with a co-worker. He left me and is adamant that we are going to get a divorce, although he is no longer seeing the other woman. 

The very worst part of this whole situation is how he has revised the whole history of our relationship. He keeps telling me that he never should have married me because he didn't love me and he's not in love with me now. I call BS on this. I KNOW for a fact that he loved me at one time and it so hurtful that he would try to rewrite everything to say that the whole relationship was bad. Why does he want to take away the good memories that we had? Can't he at least give me that?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

He says that to make it easier on himself. Sound like very self centered fellow.
Good luck.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Blame shifting and rewriting always makes it easier.
Good luck.


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## Link182 (May 25, 2012)

Don't give in to the narrative. My WW is a genius at brainwashing herself with re-writing our marriage history. Look at pictures, look at Facebook history's, remember it in your own way to combat this. This is a defense mechanism to help them justify their actions, by shifting the blame to you and off themselves.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

specialplace said:


> My husband of 17 years had an affair with a co-worker 10 years ago. He admitted it to me and we went through counseling at which time he said he would never hurt me like that again. Flash forward to today and we are in the same situation - affair with a co-worker. He left me and is adamant that we are going to get a divorce, although he is no longer seeing the other woman.
> 
> The very worst part of this whole situation is how he has revised the whole history of our relationship. He keeps telling me that he never should have married me because he didn't love me and he's not in love with me now. I call BS on this. I KNOW for a fact that he loved me at one time and it so hurtful that he would try to rewrite everything to say that the whole relationship was bad. Why does he want to take away the good memories that we had? Can't he at least give me that?


Part of the re-write is to justify his A. It makes him feel less pathetic to put some of the blame on you. It's part of the "fog" (foggy brain). His mind has also been poisoned by the OW who he fed these lies to in order to continue the A. It made him feel better with her.

There will be some point in the future when he will recognize what you had together with him and will miss you, but it will be too late. But sadly for now this rewrite is all part of the drama he created. You know the truth. You know you are worthy. Hold the truth close to you. Worry less about what "he can give you" in regards to the memories. They are what they are and are part of your history.

The "revision" means nothing. You know the truth.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Simply ignore everything out of his mouth, don't try to reason, explain. Don't fight his filters.

Detachment, letting go, exposure, filing, self improvement.

You can't do anything else. It's futile.

I'm so sorry.


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## RaisedGarden (Oct 24, 2012)

Wife did the same thing. "I should have never gotten married to you", "I have never loved anyone, including you" and then there is the my old favorite "You drove me to cheat on you." At the end when she said this I would just respond. "I don't remember driving you anywhere to have sex. Was your car in the shop then?" She would get furious and stomp off. It is all about minimizing the obvious trauma of what they themselves have done. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. Take everything with a grain of salt, and have fun with it. I thoroughly enjoyed watching my STBXW's face change all kinds of colors whenever I would throw it right back in her face and laugh. Sadistic, maybe? Well at least it helped me keep my mind through it, and it showed how insane the stuff coming out of her mouth really was.


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