# If you were starting to have ED, what would you want



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

from your wife-- what should she say? My husband is almost 50, and I think he is having issues...


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> from your wife-- what should she say? My husband is almost 50, and I think he is having issues...


Lisa,

Every man struggles at some point in his life. I'm likely in the top 2% of HD guys on the board, and the heebie jeebies get to us all now and then.

Here's the thing... you have to be relaxed to get hard. In fact, I've referred to it as a drowsy hard-on. That + urinary pressure is the main reason for the phenomenon known as "morning wood"

Of course, you can't do a drowsy climax. One part of your body's nervous system hands off to another part. That's quite often where the problems lie.

Overthinking can mess it up when it's growing.. due to anxiety.

Losing confidence once your "on your way" deflates the tire - and - of course - it's almost impossible to relax when you're getting there.

How long do you guys "warm up"? Is it usually at night or AM?

If it's usually night, change it up and go for morning. Much higher quality wood available then.

If you usually screw your way to orgasm, just play with it until he's ready to burst and then put it in for a furious finish. You might be surprised how well that works. I can tell you, if you get that technique down, it's amazing how quickly you will go - just by amping up on his passion.

You don't have to say a word. Just tell him we're gonna change it up this time...just trust me.


----------



## nader (May 4, 2011)

it's probably best not to mention it.. just play with it and enjoy each other's company. It still feels nice even when it won't stay up!


----------



## txhunter54 (Jul 4, 2010)

Has he had a recent physical exam? He could have low testosterone along with other health issues that can impact a man's ability to get/maintain an erection. Is he overweight or in good shape physically? Does he have hobbies and friends? If not, he could be suffering from some amount of depression which takes a physical toll too.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What Conrad says is good stuff... As I posted in your other thread, a guys confidence takes a hit if things are in a downswing, no matter what causes it (life stress, etc). So if you can rebuild that confidence, hopefully things can right themselves.

Otherwise, all I'd suggest now is being quietly supportive. Making an issue of it either way (i.e. excessively down-playing any issue) can make things worse.

C


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Changing it up so he's more "into it" will help. The newness of the time change, along with the extended foreplay should get him feeling better. If it starts to deflate, you can always go down there and blow it. Even in the "worst of times", there is something about that activity that rights the ship.




PBear said:


> What Conrad says is good stuff... As I posted in your other thread, a guys confidence takes a hit if things are in a downswing, no matter what causes it (life stress, etc). So if you can rebuild that confidence, hopefully things can right themselves.
> 
> Otherwise, all I'd suggest now is being quietly supportive. Making an issue of it either way (i.e. excessively down-playing any issue) can make things worse.
> 
> C


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

The mid life spandex wearing Trek riding cyclist is crushing a bunch a nerves crucial to erection, ejaculation and bladder control. My bike has the cushiest thickest saddle possible.


----------



## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> The mid life spandex wearing Trek riding cyclist is crushing a bunch a nerves crucial to erection, ejaculation and bladder control. My bike has the cushiest thickest saddle possible.


Runs:
This put a smile on my face. First smile in days. You never let me down.
VH


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> The mid life spandex wearing Trek riding cyclist is crushing a bunch a nerves crucial to erection, ejaculation and bladder control. My bike has the cushiest thickest saddle possible.


For real... Lisa - does he wear boxers or briefs?

It could be that simple.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Lisa,
> 
> Every man struggles at some point in his life. I'm likely in the top 2% of HD guys on the board, and the heebie jeebies get to us all now and then.
> 
> ...



Thank you... admittedly, our sex life is boring these days. It is a quickie in the am usually. I will try changing it up... like you say, I don't want to make him feel worse.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Conrad said:


> For real... Lisa - does he wear boxers or briefs?
> 
> It could be that simple.



He wears boxers! I like all the suggestions and I will try them.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> Thank you... admittedly, our sex life is boring these days. It is a quickie in the am usually. I will try changing it up... like you say, I don't want to make him feel worse.


Seduce him. Draw it out. Lots of hands. Wait until you see some moisture. You may even want to get Lou Paget's book, Amazon.com: How to Be a Great Lover (9780749921040): Lou Paget: Books

Many many ideas in there - and we never tried one that didn't work. Look specifically at the section on how a woman should use her hands.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Seduce him. Draw it out. Lots of hands. Wait until you see some moisture. You may even want to get Lou Paget's book, Amazon.com: How to Be a Great Lover (9780749921040): Lou Paget: Books
> 
> Many many ideas in there - and we never tried one that didn't work. Look specifically at the section on how a woman should use her hands.


Mostly we are always rushed... it is so difficult with 3 kids and all and my travel schedule for work. I was thinking of finding someplace for the kids to go and taking a camping trip with our RV up to a nice place together-- no kids for his 50th in July... he says NO PARTY. Just me and him and nature and nothing to do and all day to do it.


----------



## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Lisa,
> 
> Every man struggles at some point in his life. I'm likely in the top 2% of HD guys on the board, and the heebie jeebies get to us all now and then.
> 
> ...


Ok...is it wrong that this just turned me on?? LOL :smthumbup:


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Wait until you see some moisture.


Great advice and I can't believe I just read this. LOL!! I just figured this out on my own so it's my new goal. I take it as a personal challenge to not offer ANY release until I get this - preferably more than just some. 

Lisa that quickie stuff won't cut it. I start seducing my husband in the living room, continue in the bedroom. I like to see how long I can prolong him without causing too much anxiety.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

JustAGirl said:


> Ok...is it wrong that this just turned me on?? LOL :smthumbup:


I've posted before that my soon to be ex and I were an "11" on a romance scale of 1-10.

I'm also a pharmacist, so I've done extensive studying in physiology. At 49, the mental game is "every" bit as important as what you have left physically. Every bit.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Conrad said:


> I've posted before that my soon to be ex and I were an "11" on a romance scale of 1-10.
> 
> I'm also a pharmacist, so I've done extensive studying in physiology. At 49, the mental game is "every" bit as important as what you have left physically. Every bit.


And ours is non-existent. I was tired of being emotionally rejected so I stopped too. It wasn't about sex for me, but about intimacy... and I am getting none.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> And ours is non-existent. I was tired of being emotionally rejected so I stopped too. It wasn't about sex for me, but about intimacy... and I am getting none.


Have you ever read the "His Needs Her Needs" book by Willard Harley?

If not, you should get a copy from amazon.

Very cheap - and worth the read.

Amazon.com: His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage (9780800719388): Willard F. Jr. Harley: Books


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Have you ever read the "His Needs Her Needs" book by Willard Harley?
> 
> If not, you should get a copy from amazon.
> 
> ...


No, I haven't. Should I read it or should HE?


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> No, I haven't. Should I read it or should HE?


You go first.

Share parts of the book that you need to improve upon with him. That may naturally lead him to be curious.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Conrad said:


> You go first.
> 
> Share parts of the book that you need to improve upon with him. That may naturally lead him to be curious.


I always knew he needed sex, and I used to give it to him, even when I didn't really want to... but then when he gave me less and less non sex touch or any romance or intimacy at all, I felt less motivated to do something I didn't really want to do.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> I always knew he needed sex, and I used to give it to him, even when I didn't really want to... but then when he gave me less and less non sex touch or any romance or intimacy at all, I felt less motivated to do something I didn't really want to do.


Get the book.

It will open your eyes. (In a good way)


----------



## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Conrad said:


> I've posted before that my soon to be ex and I were an "11" on a romance scale of 1-10.
> 
> I'm also a pharmacist, so I've done extensive studying in physiology. At 49, the mental game is "every" bit as important as what you have left physically. Every bit.





> lisa3girls
> And ours is non-existent. I was tired of being emotionally rejected so I stopped too. It wasn't about sex for me, but about intimacy... and I am getting none.


Mine too...I think I'll give that book a read as well....
Certainly can't hurt


----------

