# Left cheating husband update



## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

So I left the cheating husband Tuesday. He found me right away. I talked to him a little that night, but have refused to see him again. He knows how much I love him and will use that to pull me back in. He says he will change. He said that three times now. Cheated over and over. I just can't do it any more. I see a lawyer Tuesday. The day I married him was the happiest day of my life. He ruined it all. Family is very supportive but I just can't quit crying. Who do people do this?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Sorry you're in a he!l created by someone who has no character, no loyalty, no meaninful remorse, and no respect.

Those are the reasons he has done this. It's not you. It's nothing you did. Not at all. Gather your strength. Gather your courage. Move on to better things - they're there - waiting for you.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Betrayedwife said:


> So I left the cheating husband Tuesday. He found me right away. I talked to him a little that night, but have refused to see him again.


Betrayedwife, a couple things to bear in mind that may bring you some peace: there is no reason whatsoever to stop you from changing your email address or your phone or cellphone number. For example, make a new email: [email protected] or hotmail or yahoo! Likewise for your phone, just ask your cell provider if they would change your phone number and don't give it to him. 

Yes he needs to be in touch with the kids--so make sure he has a dependable way to contact THEM. But he does not need to be in touch with you. Being in as complete No Contact as possible will help you to not feel so much pain. 



> ...He knows how much I love him and will use that to pull me back in. He says he will change. He said that three times now. Cheated over and over. I just can't do it any more. I see a lawyer Tuesday.


Okay I want you to think like a 3rd party observer now, not like someone who's in the thick of it When one spouse is used to getting their own way and using their spouse, they will say and do anything to try to get it back to "the way it was."  How many times have you seen women go back to their abusive spouse and thought, "Why don't they just leave him?" Well....this is why. Because the abuser knows just the words to say that will push buttons of hope and maybe self-doubt. Soooo...don't be a sucker. Expect that from him. Be prepared for it. 

It is highly likely he'll cry. It is highly likely he'll promise to change, or go to counseling. It is highly likely that he will FINALLY say some of the things you've been dying to hear (with no intention to actually DO them) because he knows that will push your button. It is highly likely he'll say something like "How can you leave me when I'm trying?" or ask if you'd really be the kind of person who'd divorce while he's trying. It is highly likely that he'll try to make promises and whatnot first, and if that doesn't work then he'll try anger and intimidation. It is highly likely he'll call over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Or text over and over and over just to bug you into caving in. 

Be prepared for these. Know that they are coming. He will try every method and trick possible that got you back before, and he'll try EVERYTHING to try to get it back to the way it was...where he got his way and was using you. When you see him squirming and trying to blame you, remember that you knew he'd try... And when he says stuff trying to deflect the attention from his repeated unfaithfulness to you "not letting him try" or "you're demanding perfection" or "how can we repair our marriage if we're separated"... whatever he tries...just know he's gonna try that too and keep bringing the attention back to the infidelity. 

That's why I really do suggest to people to memorize this little phrase and say it over and over and over: "Are you ready to end all contact with your affair partners and give 100% of your affection and loyalty to only me? Oh you're not? Contact me when you are. Bye!" And for you, chances are about 100% that he'll say "Yes! Yes I'm ready!" and you can say "Good. Please prove that to me with your actions over the next 6 months (or year) and I'll consider you as a possible life partner after you've proven yourself. Bye." 

See it is within the realm of conceivability that before this he thought he could get away with it, and now he realizes he can't and he is willing to put in the hard work to change who he is. It's very unlikely but not utterly impossible! So cool--if he has been unfaithful 3 times already let him take 6 months and go to counseling ON HIS OWN without you "reminding" him. Let him figure out how to get himself there and how to work on himself through the week. Let him come to you and talk to you about what he's learning about himself, his thoughts and feelings, and what he's struggling with as he changes himself. Let him show you by the way he treats you 100% differently...as if your ideas and thoughts and needs were just as legitimate as his. Let him put his money where his mouth is!! If he doesn't, then guess what? All those words were just lies to try to trap you. 



> ...The day I married him was the happiest day of my life. He ruined it all. Family is very supportive but I just can't quit crying. How do people do this?


Honestly, it is the most painful thing you'll ever live through. But Betrayedwife, have some comfort in knowing that the day you left him was the day you showed him enough love to actually allow him to deal with the consequences of his own choices. That is REALLY hard and you were really brave to do so. And for those of us not fogged in by affair baloney--it's clear to us just how much you do love him, to give him the chance to learn and grow as a human, a man, and as a husband. He has a chance to BE A BETTER PERSON and make wiser choices. Whether he takes that chance now is up to him. 

I'm sorry it hurts so much, but seriously...GOOD JOB.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> So I left the cheating husband Tuesday. He found me right away. I talked to him a little that night, but have refused to see him again. He knows how much I love him and will use that to pull me back in. He says he will change. He said that three times now. Cheated over and over. I just can't do it any more. I see a lawyer Tuesday. The day I married him was the happiest day of my life. He ruined it all. Family is very supportive but I just can't quit crying. *Who do people do this?*


You were not supposed to get hurt. Why? You weren't supposed to know. This wasn't about you and him, this was separate from your marriage. It was a moment of weakness, he was a fool but he still loves you... and so on.

Oh, dash it all to heck! It's not right to be cheated on. Not nice at all. Welcome to our club. Not keen on being a member myself, but well, welcome anyway.


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

Crying is pretty natural as you honored a very serious committment he's walked all over. That's difficult to swallow, for anyone. It's devestating and makes you question could you have done things different, did that one fight mean more than I thought? Could I have been more adventurous sexually? Maybe a career change?

This is the true impact of cheating. It makes honest and loyal individuals question their own worth, versions of situations and values. It's horrible as it takes someone such as yourself and puts them into a situation they did not initiate or participate in but now have to finish. 

Look at this as the ultimate new years resolution with the oppertunity to start over. A new oppertunity to meet someone who does value you and honors you.
Should you choose to stay, make this the ultimate request for someone who's had no problem asking sacrafice of you, to sacrafice without self interest for your benefit.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Girl I cried off and on the whole time I was separated. I hated everything about life and wanted to just stay in bed and not have to get up the next day to deal with the same crappy feelings over and over. Its totally natural and one day you'll probably look back and wonder why you even shed a tear.

Everytime you feel like you might give into him...come here and we'll do what we can to deter you!


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

This site has been great for me. Everything you warned me of, he has tried and said. Honestly, all of you have helped me have the strength to follow through with this. It is so sad that we have all gone through, and are going through these things. It is nice to know I have so much support. I will do the best I can to help as many people on here as I can, just like you have helped me.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

So I left him two weeks ago today. The past two weeks have been very emotional. He goes back and forth between begging for another chance and being extremely mean. I don't understand it. We also have not been married very long. We don't have any property or children. I have already paid for my lawyer, but he is wanting to contest this divorce so we will both have to put out a bunch of more money. I don't get it. Why? There is nothing to fight about. He doesn't seem to understand that maybe I can't give him one more chance. Maybe I have been hurt by his infidelity so much that I don't want to give any more chances. He says his heart has changed and he finally realizes how much he loves me and that he will be a good husband. Maybe, at this point, I don't want to hear it because maybe now, I don't care.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> So I left him two weeks ago today. The past two weeks have been very emotional. He goes back and forth between begging for another chance and being extremely mean. I don't understand it. We also have not been married very long. We don't have any property or children. I have already paid for my lawyer, but he is wanting to contest this divorce so we will both have to put out a bunch of more money. I don't get it. Why? There is nothing to fight about. He doesn't seem to understand that maybe I can't give him one more chance. Maybe I have been hurt by his infidelity so much that I don't want to give any more chances. He says his heart has changed and he finally realizes how much he loves me and that he will be a good husband. Maybe, at this point, I don't want to hear it because maybe now, I don't care.


Not likely that he's changed, more that he feels ENTITLED which is why he turns mean when he doesn't get his way. He's used to being persuasive and being able to control the outcome.

I'm so sorry - you deserve so much better.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> So I left him two weeks ago today. The past two weeks have been very emotional. He goes back and forth between begging for another chance and being extremely mean. I don't understand it. We also have not been married very long. We don't have any property or children. I have already paid for my lawyer, but he is wanting to contest this divorce so we will both have to put out a bunch of more money. I don't get it. Why? There is nothing to fight about. He doesn't seem to understand that maybe I can't give him one more chance. Maybe I have been hurt by his infidelity so much that I don't want to give any more chances. He says his heart has changed and he finally realizes how much he loves me and that he will be a good husband. Maybe, at this point, I don't want to hear it because maybe now, I don't care.


He wants control. 

Let me guess. He'll get all weepy and begging for a little while and when he sees that its not working thats when he goes Mr Hyde on you?

If so thats a typical narcissistic move, so he may be borderline. These kind of people can't fathom that someone could just up and leave them like that when they're supposed to be the center of everyone's universe. 

Hes not going to stop anytime soon, and if he harasses you which I suspect he may try(waiting outside your new place of living in his car, calling and then hanging up, etc) get a restraining order.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Infidelity does tend to destroy the love you had when first married. Stay strong. You will feel better.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

CONTROL
He lost it, he resist the loss. That's all.
Keep moving on. Glad to hear you have your loved ones support.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Narcissists come running at the slightest whiff of rejection.

Someone who loves you doesn't wait until you reject them before they figure that out. But narcissists and broken people do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You're that brilliant woman who got a cell phone & pretended to be the OW in order to unmask your H, aren't you?

You're very smart already & have already managed to cut weeks, months, years off of the heartbreak that he would have caused you. So, stay smart and strong & don't under any circumstances cave to his appeals.

He sounds like he's used to putting on the great face and having everyone fall for it. When you don't buy the act, he gets mad. People like that flip out when they can't control.

He also obviously thinks very highly of himself - after all, if he's God's gift to women, who is he to keep his fabulous self from all the women who want to experience that gift? If he's married, well, that just means that he won't tell you, because he LOVES you and doesn't want to hurt you.

If he starts to draw you in, I hope you won't be embarrassed to come back here and tell people. You're only human. Very sorry that things turned out this way for you.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Yes, I am the woman who set up the cell phone sting. Lol. I can't go back to him. Honestly, throughout all the pleading, I just don't believe him. He said it took me leaving for him to realize how much he loved me. How screwed up is that? I could see him making a mistake once, but not three times. I'm done. It hurts because I am having to give up my dream. I have finally realized however, that he will never be any different. I do think he is a narcissist. It was always about him and his ego. Even through the pain I have resigned to the idea that he will never be any different that what he is. It really sickens me in a way. Oh, and not to mention my children and family HATE him for all of this. I just want this divorce over as soon as possible because I know I am not willing to give any more chances. He had the chance to do the right thing when I pretended to be the other woman with the cell phone. He failed the test. Now I must move on.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> Yes, I am the woman who set up the cell phone sting. Lol. I can't go back to him. Honestly, throughout all the pleading, I just don't believe him. He said it took me leaving for him to realize how much he loved me. How screwed up is that? I could see him making a mistake once, but not three times. I'm done. It hurts because I am having to give up my dream. I have finally realized however, that he will never be any different. I do think he is a narcissist. It was always about him and his ego. Even through the pain I have resigned to the idea that he will never be any different that what he is. It really sickens me in a way. Oh, and not to mention my children and family HATE him for all of this. I just want this divorce over as soon as possible because I know I am not willing to give any more chances. He had the chance to do the right thing when I pretended to be the other woman with the cell phone. He failed the test. Now I must move on.


I commend you for your strength! Good luck!


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

So he wanted to have supper tonight so I went. I went to show him that it was over. I did not cry. I did not scream. I just told him that I was not willing to put myself in a position of hurt anymore. He wanted to hold me. I refused. Now that's over, he's very angry. Blaming me for not letting things go. Blaming me for setting up the sting that caught him in betrayal. Threatening suicide. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to see him. I just needed him to know it was over. I just want and need to move forward. Why won't he just let me go? It was so easy for him to betray me over and over. Why does he need to be with me so badly now? Obviously I didn't mean much to him for him to do what he did, so why is he hanging on so hard now? Some new revelation of how much he loves me? Doubtfully. You don't hurt people you love like he's hurt me. I guess I'm going to have to pay to have the divorce papers served because he sure the heck isn't going to sign them willingly. Yes, I'm rambling and ranting, but I have to get this OUT!


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> Narcissists come running at the slightest whiff of rejection.
> 
> Someone who loves you doesn't wait until you reject them before they figure that out. But narcissists and broken people do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


and when you still reject them, they react with tremendous anger. 

How dare you reject perfection?


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

He's tremendously angry right now. Saying anything he can to hurt me. Thats the way to get a girl back, right? Psycho man. I'll be glad when this is over.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> So he wanted to have supper tonight so I went. I went to show him that it was over. I did not cry. I did not scream. I just told him that I was not willing to put myself in a position of hurt anymore. He wanted to hold me. I refused. Now that's over, he's very angry. Blaming me for not letting things go. Blaming me for setting up the sting that caught him in betrayal. Threatening suicide. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to see him. I just needed him to know it was over. I just want and need to move forward. Why won't he just let me go? It was so easy for him to betray me over and over. Why does he need to be with me so badly now? Obviously I didn't mean much to him for him to do what he did, so why is he hanging on so hard now? Some new revelation of how much he loves me? Doubtfully. You don't hurt people you love like he's hurt me. I guess I'm going to have to pay to have the divorce papers served because he sure the heck isn't going to sign them willingly. Yes, I'm rambling and ranting, but I have to get this OUT!



Yep hes a typical narcissist. Tried to put up a front of niceness and when that doesn't work you get belligerence and threats. 

Why he won't let you go. 

You have to realize, its not about you. Its about him, its always been all about him.

This may be hard to believe, but whether he knows it or not he sees you as an extension of himself, akin to an arm or a leg. 

He sees you as something he *owns*, something he *controls*, not as a person who has their own free will and makes their own decisions.

Hes taking you leaving him as a slight upon himself and his ridiculously oversized ego so he will do or say anything to get you back, and once hes got you he'll follow through on nothing hes said and revert back to how he was in less than three weeks tops. 

Have him served, and narcissistic people are dangerous people, never be alone with him again. Don't let him into where you are now, and don't go to him alone for any reason whatsoever anymore.

All narcissistic largely follow the same path. When false kindness and threats don't work, they frequently turn to violence.(against you, your belongings, work place, etc)

Stay the course and if you for even one second feel scared don't hesitate to call the cops


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

You said it, Kasler. :iagree:


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Kasler said:


> Hes taking you leaving him as a slight upon himself and his ridiculously oversized ego so he will do or say anything to get you back, and once hes got you he'll follow through on nothing hes said and revert back to how he was in less than three weeks tops.


This. Exactly this. Stay strong.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I have continued some text/phone contact with him to try to keep things calm so maybe we could get through this divorce sort of amicably. It doesn't look like that is going to happen. I already blocked him on facebook and that infuriated him. I wasn't trying to make him mad, I just didn't want him stalking me. At this point, I think I'm going to cut off all phone calls and texts. There isn't really anything to discuss anyway. If he is going to fight me in court, then there is nothing I can do about it. I just want him to leave me alone. He has hurt me enough. Now he wants to try and take what little I have left to punish me for leaving. He has the divorce papers, but wont sign them. I am calling the lawyer this morning and giving him the go ahead to serve him.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Tell him to get sex addiction counseling for at least 6 weeks, then he can talk with you.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Don't worry, Betrayed. You aren't the only one with a narcissistic stbxh....

After all of this, after all his begging and pleading "broken man" tactics don't work, after he sees that you really are going to leave him, he is going to hate you. And I mean hate you. Not want to talk to you about anything, not want to deal with you, not want to see you. The utter contempt from this man you will see will just be unrecognizable. You will wonder who the hell this man is and did you really marry this person??

Until he finds a new source of supply to feed his ego, (and even after he does) that hate will still be there b/c you rejected him.

I was told these things when my stbx came back trying to get me back 3 WEEKS AFTER I MOVED OUT. I lived with him for a month prior to moving out. So almost 2 months of "we are getting a divorce talk" before he even showed any bit of "I'm sorry" Let me know if the following sounds familiar to you at all....

_"Then last night he wants to talk. In person. Says he is sorry. He appologized I don't know how many times for how he acted. He says he realizes that he didn't accept me for me.* He says that he thought he was THAT GREAT of a person and that I should have just been that grateful to be with him. That he thought he was perfect in the relationship but now realizes that he was not*. He does not want me to file for divorce and asked me not to (all the paperwork is filled out, I just need the $ to file which I was going to do this Thursday). He wants to start out all over...slow...build a friendship and then start to slowly rebuild trust. He wants me to continue to do what I am doing with my life but yet still date him. And yes, he still wants to have sex. I don't see how that is taking it slow...but he says we are still technically married so why not at least enjoy that part of it................................... He told me that he is in a very low place right now.* He did mention suicide, not directly but he definately hinted at it, especially when talking about being rejected again.*"_

That was in July. He now wants nothing to do with me at all and DESPISES me. He is even engaged and has a new woman to feed his ego. But still hates me. Go figure, he was the one having the EA....


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Yes, that sounds pretty familiar. He goes back and forth from being sorry to being mean. I told him I have no control over what he does. Fight the divorce. Don't fight the divorce. He needed to do whatever made him sleep better at night. This morning he is wanting to try to work things out again. He is sorry and hurts. He wants me to go out with him Saturday night, but there is no way that is going to happen. I just told him that is not all about him. I called the attorney and paid to have him served. This is not impulsive of me to act quickly. I have given it three tries and even gone to counseling with him. I know it is over. I am resolved. I just need to move fast. There is no reason to prolong the inevitable.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> Yes, that sounds pretty familiar. He goes back and forth from being sorry to being mean. I told him I have no control over what he does. Fight the divorce. Don't fight the divorce. He needed to do whatever made him sleep better at night. This morning he is wanting to try to work things out again. He is sorry and hurts. He wants me to go out with him Saturday night, but there is no way that is going to happen. I just told him that is not all about him. I called the attorney and paid to have him served. This is not impulsive of me to act quickly. I have given it three tries and even gone to counseling with him. I know it is over. I am resolved. I just need to move fast. There is no reason to prolong the inevitable.


Good work getting the D ball rolling, and you are right on the money in your resolve and intentions. :iagree:

This morning he is be calling and saying how sorry he is. 

The next he can be calling saying how you're such an unforgiving b!tch and how could YOU do this HIM?

These are broken people Betrayed Wife, and more often than not they CANNOT be 'fixed' as they're set in their ways. 

People with NPD almost always never get diagnosed cause they can put up a perfect front to everyone but the people who supply their narcissistic ego, and these kind of people are much more common than people believe.

Let me guess BW. When you two would ever go out or be around people he would be the poster boy for a perfect and loving husband. Then when its just you two alone hes a selfish and uncaring jackass too concerned with his own hangnail to give a crap about anything you may feel is important. 

Tell me how close this hits home.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> Yes, that sounds pretty familiar. He goes back and forth from being sorry to being mean. I told him I have no control over what he does. Fight the divorce. Don't fight the divorce. He needed to do whatever made him sleep better at night. This morning he is wanting to try to work things out again. He is sorry and hurts. He wants me to go out with him Saturday night, but there is no way that is going to happen. I just told him that is not all about him. I called the attorney and paid to have him served. This is not impulsive of me to act quickly. I have given it three tries and even gone to counseling with him. I know it is over. I am resolved. I just need to move fast. There is no reason to prolong the inevitable.


Don't ever forget that nasty side. The veil parted for a moment and you saw the real him.

Narcissists are charming seducers. That is their stock in trade. Their whole mission in life is to lure you in.

I would not be fooled again now that you know the truth. You need to block his messages. There is nothing he has to say to you that he can't say to your lawyer.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Kasler - You are right on the mark. One of the things that drew me to him is how GREAT of a person he seemed. He was always laughing and smiling. He would do the dishes when we had family gatherings. My step mom once said she needed to get her a husband like that....She has a different story now. Once we were married, it was all about him. To hell with what I wanted to do or needed. So, I did everything he wanted and he still cheated!

iheartlife - unfortunately when he doesn't get his way, the true man comes out. I wont forget that.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Once he realizes that you won't be seduced back into his fold, he'll stay nasty - no more trying to charm you, pretty much ever. But the good part of this is that he'll need his fix, so he'll move on to his next conquest relatively quickly, leaving you to mend your heart as best you can.

Your self-protective instincts were 100% accurate when you decided to test him with the fake cell number. Many people are so afraid of what they'll learn that they get themselves in much deeper. You've unmasked him; you see the real person now & this revelation might otherwise have taken many painful years.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

You know, the cell phone thing could have gone either way. If he had done what he was supposed to do then I could have moved forward in the marriage. It didnt go that way though. I have always been a seeker of the truth. Good or bad, I have to know the truth. I was willing to find the answers that I didn't want to find. It was a chance I took. At least now I know and I can move in this direction.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Yes, you were willing to find the answers. I would rephrase that and say that you were brave enough to find the answers. Because of that, I think you will have the fortitude to stick with your decision, no matter how much charm he laces through his attacks in the next weeks.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Yes, you were willing to find the answers. I would rephrase that and say that you were brave enough to find the answers. Because of that, I think you will have the fortitude to stick with your decision, no matter how much charm he laces through his attacks in the next weeks.


:iagree:


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Right now, he has quit being mean and saying, "I just don't understand why you won't open your heart a little. I will be trustworthy. It is just going to take time". I keep responding with I DONT WANT TO. My wounds are too deep. I don't want to put myself in that position again. I'm sure he will get mean again tonight. Then I'll quit texting altogether. Oh yeah, we rarely talk by phone. Our communication is mostly text.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> Right now, he has quit being mean and saying, "I just don't understand why you won't open your heart a little. I will be trustworthy. It is just going to take time". I keep responding with I DONT WANT TO. My wounds are too deep. I don't want to put myself in that position again. I'm sure he will get mean again tonight. Then I'll quit texting altogether. Oh yeah, we rarely talk by phone. Our communication is mostly text.


As long as you know the direction you want to go and you are content with that then dont fall into his traps. You are so strong, I commend you for that!!


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I really don't know that I am all that strong. I am determined that is for sure. I am tired of the lies. I am tired of feeling the way I have for the past 2 years. My determination to stay away is as much as a self-defense mechanism as anything. I just can't take any more of it and I am so physically exhausted.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> I really don't know that I am all that strong. I am determined that is for sure. I am tired of the lies. I am tired of feeling the way I have for the past 2 years. My determination to stay away is as much as a self-defense mechanism as anything. I just can't take any more of it and I am so physically exhausted.


I know the feeling. I am exhausted myself but I guess I havent gotten to my breaking point yet. I know its coming, probably sooner then later!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I suspect if he feels that he can still get a rise out of you, still see your emotions, then he'll continue to try to play them. Can you call his bluff on this?

For instance, when he asks if you can open your heart, you say something like:

"Oh, yes, of course, and I DO forgive you. It's so SAD for me to realize that our marriage won't work. Really it is. I agree with you there. I know you're sorry & I'm sorry that things have turned out this way. Such a sad situation. But...life must go on. I wish you all the best." etc., etc.

Falsely empathize him to death. If you start pseudo-agreeing with him, it makes it much harder for him to argue and act angry. If you talk like a disinterested third party tsk-tsking about the tragedy of it all, it could really throw him off his usual game.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I have been very unemotional with him this past week after he caught me off guard last Saturday and I went through the roof. I have tried to be very nonchelant about things. Very matter of fact. I don't let him see me sweat. I have all these emotions, but I don't let him see them anymore. I just tell him it's over and he doesn't get to chose what I do at this point. I really do try to act like a third party and make decisions based on what another person would do and try not to let my emotions play into things. I cry, but I sure as hell don't in front of him.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

You know, most people look forward to the weekends. I look forward to the work week where I can get my mind off of things. I especially am not looking forward to this weekend. My daughter will not be home so I will be alone. I am ok with the solitude as I can keep myself busy around the house, but he knows I will be here alone. I don't like that feeling at all. He is unpredictable right now with major emotional swings. I hate this feeling.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> You know, most people look forward to the weekends. I look forward to the work week where I can get my mind off of things. I especially am not looking forward to this weekend. My daughter will not be home so I will be alone. I am ok with the solitude as I can keep myself busy around the house, but he knows I will be here alone. I don't like that feeling at all. He is unpredictable right now with major emotional swings. I hate this feeling.


Why are you interacting with him in any, way, shape or form?


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I know I need to stop it. I keep it short and sweet, but I just want to know what his next move is I guess. Stupid really.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ You don't need to, and thats only going to make him come running.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> I know I need to stop it. I keep it short and sweet, but I just want to know what his next move is I guess. Stupid really.


It's very hard to resist doing this. It takes real discipline and training - and forcing yourself to do things that keep you physically busy.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I hold the advice I receive on here pretty high because everything I have been warned about with my husband has come true. As different scenarios were happening, I would remember back to what I had read here and this has really helped me not fall into certain traps.

One thing I have been advise to do is to cut off all communication with him. I have not done this. I have only seen him one time in the past three weeks. Big mistake not to make again. 

I ask myself why I continue to talk with him. I was strong enough to leave him. I filed for divorce. I just can't seem to cut that last tie. It is because I love him and miss him. This divorce and the end of our marriage must occur because there is no way I will ever be able to get over what has happened...three times. I don't want to try anymore because I will never trust him. I don't believe he will ever become an honorable person despite what he says about how he is changing. The thought of being with him again in any form literally turns my stomach.

Yesterday and last night were horrible. I know if I had just listened to the advice here, and not talked to him at all, then I would have still been in pain, but not that sort of pain. He kept trying to come over. He tried to explain the "Last" betrayal as his need to talk to someone outside our lives. Wth? If you need someone to talk to, who could ever justify in confiding with someone you cheated on your wife with previously? That is seriously screwed up. 

He always completes the cycle that I have been warned about here. He is nice, begs, pleads and promises...then he gets mean and nasty when I won't give in. He tries to twist things so that somehow there is some sort of explanation or justification for his betrayals.

I am going to send him a text this morning and tell him I don't think it's a good idea that we have any further communication with each other. I am going to attempt to cut that last tie. It is going to be tough, but hell, it can't be any harder than what I allowed myself to go through yesterday. This whole thing really sucks. I can't even believe he has done these things to begin with.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Betrayedwife said:


> I hold the advice I receive on here pretty high because everything I have been warned about with my husband has come true. As different scenarios were happening, I would remember back to what I had read here and this has really helped me not fall into certain traps.
> 
> One thing I have been advise to do is to cut off all communication with him. I have not done this. I have only seen him one time in the past three weeks. Big mistake not to make again.
> 
> ...


Ok, its understandable, but BW the man you think you love doesn't exist. You're in love and fell in love with the mask he portrayed to everyone. Thats not who he is. 

The outbursts, the pettiness, and the the nasty and mean tantrums. 

Thats who he really is. The good of him is false because he really isn't like that. 

He only uses the niceness because its convenient and works most of the time. But when that fails he quickly reverts back to his character. 

Not sure if you should even send him a text, as theres nothing to say.*

Just please stop communicating with him.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Don't text him, it will just keep the cycle going. He doesn't need to know what you are thinking or feeling at this point.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

Ok, so today I did exactly as you advised. I did not send any text messages to him, nor did I answer when he called. He eventually showed up at my house. I didn't open the door. I asked him to leave and he left. Then the mean side came out in his texts after that, but I still did not respond. 

Yesterday was a pretty dark day for me. Our correspondence had me pretty distraught. Today I got up and went to church. It has been a much better day without communicating with him.


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## Betrayedwife (Nov 9, 2012)

I have gone two days with no contact. He showed up at my house last night while I was in counseling and left all our wedding pics and his wedding ring on the porch. That is where it will stay because I don't want that evilness in my house. After I got home he started texting and cussing me and harassing my 16 year old daughter by text telling her she was a sorry person and always would be. Tried to blame her for our divorce. No it was his cheating and lying that caused the divorce. The onslaught continued while I was in the process of blocking him. It takes a little bit because with ATT, you have to set up parental controls first. It is done now. I will be calling the attorney today and checking into a restraining order. This is really getting scary.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

This is sounding nasty. 

Get an RO asap, and make sure your local police department knows the situation. 

So if he breaks it(which he will) they'll be able to do something.


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