# I'm not ready yet



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Ok i realized i'm not ready for 180 or NC yet...I woke up and i'm not done with him.
I Emailed him an hour ago that we need to talk and to let me know what time he can call me.

I realized that in my particular case this is not a good approach at the moment.Why? Because this is what he couldn't stand while we were married.He would lie to me or do something and I go to "no talking to him" and he has said numerous times that this is the only thing he can't stand about me.
I don't want to push him away by doing the same right now.
His last Email was full with emotion about me...i need to talk to him and see where that comes from ,me not talking to him is not going to do anything but push him further away.
I can not take the 180 or NC approach until he tells me for real that this is it and he knows it for sure.I have to do the NC for me rather than him ...but when i feel the time is right.

I will try to explore him on the phone conversation,he seems confused of why and if i really love him...He needs to know that i really do and it's not only about the kids...i guess he has that impression..


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Can you guys physically meet somewhere if you could find a babysitter for the kids? I think that'd be way better than trying to talk on the phone. Maybe you could each drive 2 hours & meet in the middle somewhere? 

When I talked with my husband it was the 1st time I had seen the old him in his eyes. It sounds like he does love you (maybe he feels that he was more in love with you than u were with him so is getting out before you do?). So maybe if he meets you, & its just the 2 of you, you can start talking.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Can't meet physically at the moment..i so wish.I hope he'll come down soon to see the kids so i can see him..He is supposed to call me in 30 min. and my anxiety is hitting the ceiling at the moment.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

vivea said:


> Ok i realized i'm not ready for 180 or NC yet...I woke up and i'm not done with him.
> I Emailed him an hour ago that we need to talk and to let me know what time he can call me.
> 
> I realized that in my particular case this is not a good approach at the moment.Why? Because this is what he couldn't stand while we were married.He would lie to me or do something and I go to "no talking to him" and he has said numerous times that this is the only thing he can't stand about me.
> ...


All I can say is no one can tell you exactly what to do, believe me, I know what you are going through right now, I had to call my dad a minute ago, because I wanted to tell him I loved him or just to say 'hi' but I laid it all out to him last night, if he wants me he knows where I am, but until such time, I wasn't going to be in contact... I know how hard it is believe me, but the more you are there for him the less he will want you.

If/when you call him, you need to lay it on the line, tell him, you are done with playing games, you are NOT going to try and convince him everything will work out but you ARE willing to try if he is, don't back him into a corner, that's what I did, and it back fired, he said fine it's over.. and guess what I STILL don't believe it. By all means tell him that you love him, you miss him, you wanted things to change, but say for now you are done, you are going to give him his space, but you're going to live your life for you and your beautiful daughters, if he doesn't want to be a part of that Vivea, it's going to be his loss and HE is the only one that can come to realise that, you could talk to you're blue in the face, but it wont make a difference.. he needs to be scared, you're not going to be there... look at how my H reacted last night.. Ok he didn't say he wanted me, but he didn't want to stop contact...

*sigh* I know you want him Sweety, I want my H, I wanted to send him a silly msg today, but I had to think how i would feel if he ignored it, or if he shot me down...I'd be back to square one... and I would have given more power away.

People say my husband is playing mind games, but I still can't come to terms that he is doing this on purpose, I still can't believe my H would want to continue to knowingly hurt me like that... He loved me for such a long time... ARGH!!!!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

AmI...you wonderful woman ..thank you so much for taking your time and writing all this...i did read it before the conversation and put some of the things on paper so i don't forget....i was ready to say a lot of what you were telling me.
Thankfully i didn't have to but i think it was really helpful.
I really do think that you H. will come around....he is thinking things...there is no other way.So the NC worked for me only for 4 days...it makes them think...it appears...you never know...
He is texting you ...means you're in his thoughts.Just hang in there...
(((BIG HUGS)))) and sending positive energy dust your way...


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