# Help!!! - Please???



## twister1970 (Apr 12, 2009)

I am 38, been married for 17 years to my wife and have had an off and on NO SEX, vs "sex is disgusting," vs. any other excuse imagineable to stay out of sex discussion.

I've recently been feeling this "mid life crisis" thing coming on, and have tried really opening up to my wife and trying to verbally and physically communicate how attracted I am to her.
Unfortunately, still no luck.

Now keep in mind, my wife told me for years, just how sexually active she was and how happy and a "party girl" she was. I have heard for years of just how I ruined her life by taking her away from her friends and the life she once had.

Anyway... trying to stay on the immediate topic. My recent discussions in an effort to spice things up have been around having us watch another couple, perhaps same room watching; or via webcams. NO, no swapping....... no touching, no oral, nothing like that! Watch only - in hopes of just spicing it up and maybe having her see how other women act towards their husbands. And yes, fantasy play for me as well.  It does get me excited - just watching and the sounds of sex send my senses boiling!

She has NO interest, and has not spoken to me now in 2 days and it's back to the same old crap, only this time now she's trying to use "it's morally wrong" as a way to tell me that I need mental help and am just absolutely "filthy" with my sexual desire.

I have lost all confidence in myself. Quite frankly, I had very little after we first got together...... after hearing her brag over and over how wonderful her sex life was before me. Now, I'm feeling as if my life is over. I'm 38, don't feel attractive, don't feel loved, don't feel like I satisfy her sexually, emotionally, love, etc. - basically, I feel like a piece of sh## as a MAN.

Aren't there some women out there who really do have fantasies and like to share them with their husbands?

What is wrong with adult play with your wife/spouse ???

Please help !!!!!

Lonely and Depressed,


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Well what made her stop? religion? what changed her from a party girl to sex is disgusting? 

And if you are having trouble just having sex with her, what in the world would make you think that she wants to watch someone else go at it????


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## twister1970 (Apr 12, 2009)

We messed around early in life, she became pregnant with our son, and we just kind of stuck together. A lot of fighting went on at first, but I guess she just gave up on the hopes of happiness and "settled" because of maybe, feeling "stuck?" I don't really know to tell you the truth.

I know we fought a lot when we first started out, she felt as if I "controlled" her and took her away from all of her happiness, her friends, her party life, all the things that meant so much to her. I still get reminded of that, just not as often as years ago.

More recently, over the past ten years of so, it's just been a steady decline to absolutely no interest in sex, other than acting as if it is "the wife's responsibility." 

Again, I thought that maybe spicing things up would bring her out of this depressive state of boredom with me and maybe bring out a little bit of passion and zest in her.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Well you can't push *your* interest in voyerism on your wife if she doesn't dig it dude. When I was younger I really wanted my wife to get with another woman, after a while I just realized it ain't happening and even if she did, she wouldn't enjoy it and I would feel like a selfish pig. 

I don't want to get too "preachy" but I recently watched that movie: "Fireproof" with my wife. You should look at that and the book it's based off called: "The Love Dare." Sounds like your wife has thrown up a huge wall between you two and if you want to break it down you will have to do it one brick at a time.

You need to stop obsessing on what you want and aren't getting and think about her and what you can do for her. 

(Is this me talking? damn i've learned a lot around here!!)


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

as usual, we may not know the whole story, but based on the info you have given, you need to find out exactly WHY she changed. It may or may not be a repairable situation, but at least you will know.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

twister1970-

At last, a straight forward case! With a few simple changes, you could have her gagging for it every night. She has given you many clues which you have missed. But first, can you fill in some more details.
1) How often do you actually have sex when you are "having it"
2) How long do the dry spells last?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

I agree MT, this is one of the cases that seemingly can be remedied with some simple changes.

I already know where you are heading, but will let you work you magic with twisted!


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