# More effort



## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I have to vent sorry, 

Men put in effort!!! Put in effort because you love us and you think we are worth it NOT because you will get something in return. When you don't treat us like the love of your life and your beautiful wife we feel like a housekeeper and roommate and there is nothing good about that, especially for you. 

Tips for men: 
If we are tired and had a long day, dont compete with us. Just take some burden away, and be there for us! do the dishes. Make us a bath and watch the kids while we relax. Give us a non sexual massage. Light candles in the bedroom, and tell us to go to bed early and you will take care of the house and kids while we relax. 

Hug us every single day. Like really hug us.

Kiss us every single day.

Put your phone down and be active in the conversation.
*** if you are too tired and you can't, tell your wife I am so sorry I had a horrible day at work and I am exhausted. I want to hear about your day but I am too beat and I can't even muster the energy to really pay attention, can you tell me later after I rest. **** the worst thing you can do is pretend to listen Bc you think ur being nice. We can tell when your not paying attention and its f*cking rude. Be 100% present. And if you can't, tell us so we do not to waste our energy. 

Make the kids appreciate what we do for them. "Do you guys know you have the best mom in the world", "look at this beautiful meal your mom cooked". Complement your wife by telling your kids how great she is. When you start saying positive things (even if you don't believe it), you start to believe it Bc you recognize it and it really does create a nice positive atmosphere and like energy it spreads. Don't spread negativity, always speak positivity. 

With all the housework and mommy stuff we have to do, we often feel like a housekeeper and nanny and we don't feel like beautiful women. Please make an effort to make us feel beautiful, and to make us feel like we are spouses not roommates.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

And yes I think women need to put effort into making their man feel like a man.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

This is hardly a gender complaint...

***Thanks for following that up.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Know the person you are marrying.

I see many infatuations that speak clearly the need for vetting compatibility thinking that things will change once marital commitment comes only to be disappointed when things fall aside and routines dictate.

If you cannot handle routine with a partner, one needs to exercise patience in their selection... passion will have to step aside from time to time, it's how we handle our expectations and acceptance that carry us through with confidence to the next high window.

Also, setting realistic expectations and acceptance will reduce resentments that will come and cloud our ability to see the difference between being selfish, and unselfish. Listening is so important in these times, be aware of self and be rewarded with good communications, this will give both the freedom and trust of separate interests so that the relationship stays within boundaries and sound.

We all want to be validated by our partners, one should never fear telling the other that attention is needed... a good partner will not just listen with their ears, but their heart and their mind to follow it up with actions that show the love and compassion a partner needs.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Life gets busy and things become routine. But you need to remember that your wife is not your buddy, roommate and friend. She is your wife. Treat her like a women should be treated. Same thing with our husbands. They are not our girlfriends. We can't talk their ear off and gossip with them while watching teen mom. We need to remember to treat our husbands like men. His fundamental difference between what men and women need and how they should be treated I think often gets forgotten and then you get 2 roommates who are just best friends.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

In your ladies thread you mentioned don't nag. After only about 15 years I figure out how to get my wife to stop nagging. I simply do what it is she wants done, it's important to her.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

CharlieParker said:


> In your ladies thread you mentioned don't nag. After only about 15 years I figure out how to get my wife to stop nagging. I simply do what it is she wants done, it's important to her.




I meant not to start nagging when someone walks through the door. Addressing issues is important but shouldnt start the second you come home from work. That was the point.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

My tip for husbands (and wives) would be to never stop dating your spouse, and maintain your flirting skills over a lifetime. A little flirting goes a long way.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

I gave my wife a pedicure yesterday does that count?

I do agree with what you wrote, treat your woman like a queen, no doubt.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

knobcreek said:


> I gave my wife a pedicure yesterday does that count?
> 
> I do agree with what you wrote, treat your woman like a queen, no doubt.


If you treat her like a queen she better well treat you like a king. Also, you should not have to first treat her like a queen in order for her to treat you like a king (i.e. Happy Wife Happy Life Syndrome), you both should be working to make the other person feel as special as possible.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> *If you treat her like a queen she better well treat you like a king*. Also, you should not have to first treat her like a queen in order for her to treat you like a king (i.e. Happy Wife Happy Life Syndrome), you both should be working to make the other person feel as special as possible.


so simple a concept and I agree. But didn't see that when I was married. I think that had more to do with who I married though


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think Happy Wife, Happy Life, is a great philosophy.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

jld said:


> I think Happy Wife, Happy Life, is a great philosophy.


Of course you do


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> If you treat her like a queen she better well treat you like a king. Also, you should not have to first treat her like a queen in order for her to treat you like a king (i.e. Happy Wife Happy Life Syndrome), you both should be working to make the other person feel as special as possible.


I tend to think men need to do the heavy lifting when it comes to being romantic and nice gestures. I don't want a foot rub, I don't want flowers, I don't need her to help me weed the beds to know that she cares for me. But for me to come home from work take care of the dishes and dinner, or give her a back rub shows her that I still put her first. It's easy enough to do.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

knobcreek said:


> I tend to think men need to do the heavy lifting when it comes to being romantic and nice gestures. I don't want a foot rub, I don't want flowers, I don't need her to help me weed the beds to know that she cares for me. But for me to come home from work take care of the dishes and dinner, or give her a back rub shows her that I still put her first. It's easy enough to do.


Well, definitely everyone has a different approach so nothing wrong with it. I just feel if one person has to do the heavy lifting it leads to a one sided relationship (I don't see a lot of positive in that). However, it as much depends on each person's situation / circumstances.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

knobcreek said:


> I tend to think men need to do the heavy lifting when it comes to being romantic and nice gestures. I don't want a foot rub, I don't want flowers, I don't need her to help me weed the beds to know that she cares for me. But for me to come home from work take care of the dishes and dinner, or give her a back rub shows her that I still put her first. It's easy enough to do.


I think the way we show romantic or ways we emotionally connect is different. I don't want flowers or a foot rub either lol. But for me it's the 101 little things that she does that makes me feel appreciated :laugh:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> I don't want flowers or a foot rub either lol.


It is now clear that we would not be compatible :crying:


>


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> It is now clear that we would not be compatible :crying:
> 
> 
> >


:crying:

>
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Both parties involved in a relationship need to look after one another. 
Sharing chores & doing nice romantic things for each other. 



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