# Going on day 5 since H moved out



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Seems like day 55..............

First few days went fine, kept busy with Work and kids. Text or saw him only regarding D6.

He made 2 Text contacts with me regarding other than kids etc. Friday night he spent time with kids at my home because I had plans.....before I returned home at 1130 pm he text me to ask if I was still out, I responded because I thought something may be wrong with kids. (I have 2 teenagers, who were home alone with D6 after he went to his apt) He responded "no reason" after I asked Why? Then an hour later, when I was in bed he text "I hope you had a nice time tonight" I responded "Thanks"

Then last night he started mulitiple Words with friends games with me (something we have always done) with text thru the game to make contact. I woke in the middle of the night and played on round.....he immediatly texted thru the game "why are you up so late"

What do I make of this? There is still contact with OW, although she is 3000 miles away at the moment.

Trying to do 180 but I miss talking to him.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Words with friends is not 180, he is a cake eater.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Thanks....I needed that. Part of me convinced myself it was harmless , but you are right he is just trying to "feel me out"

NO MORE WORDS WITH FRIENDS!:smthumbup:


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

resign all the games! decline any new ones!
make him wonder what on earth you're doing!


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

> He made 2 Text contacts with me regarding other than kids etc. Friday night he spent time with kids at my home because I had plans.....before I returned home at 1130 pm he text me to ask if I was still out, I responded because I thought something may be wrong with kids. (I have 2 teenagers, who were home alone with D6 after he went to his apt) He responded "no reason" after I asked Why? Then an hour later, when I was in bed he text "I hope you had a nice time tonight" I responded "Thanks"



He think you've been on a date ! Let him believe that


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Today I received a number of video text mess from him showing me that he bought a new vacuum, cleaned up the apt, and spakled to prepare for painting......wonder if he is texting same to OW? LOL 

I didn't respond, and I then got a text saying "you doing ok?" I did respond to that. I said "Great"


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> Today I received a number of video text mess from him showing me that he bought a new vacuum, cleaned up the apt, and spakled to prepare for painting......wonder if he is texting same to OW? LOL
> 
> I didn't respond, and I then got a text saying "you doing ok?" I did respond to that. I said "Great"



You could respond on the " you doing ok" text with a simple " why ", he would respond with something like " I care about you " or " I worry about you " , you don't respond on that and let him wonder !


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> You could respond on the " you doing ok" text with a simple " why ", he would respond with something like " I care about you " or " I worry about you " , you don't respond on that and let him wonder !


Or you do what she did.

Which was great.

Why play games?


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Or you do what she did.
> 
> Which was great.
> 
> Why play games?


To show him who is in control !


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> To show him who is in control !


She doesn't owe him a thing.

Nor does she have to show him anything.

This also applies to 'control'.

What she's doing is controlling herself for her own best interests.

Continuing in childish games to get reactions leads no where.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> She doesn't owe him a thing.
> 
> Nor does she have to show him anything.
> 
> ...


It looks alike he's/might be interested in R , is this a childish game too ?

Or are you saying she doesn't have to take him back ever ?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> It looks alike he's/might be interested in R , is this a childish game too ?
> 
> Or are you saying she doesn't have to take him back ever ?


If he wants to reconcile.

He will let her know.

It's not up to her to dig for the 'truth' behind his words.

It's up to him to tell her.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> If he wants to reconcile.
> 
> He will let her know.
> 
> ...



Agree and this is why she has to show him she is in control of the situation and if he want to have her back it won't be an easy task for him . He has to earn it !


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Agree and this is why she has to show him she is in control of the situation and if he want to have her back it won't be an easy task for him . He has to earn it !


Which can be done without the games.

All that does is set a sour precedent for future encounters.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Which can be done without the games.
> 
> All that does is set a sour precedent for future encounters.


What do you mean ? 

Don't make him mad ? C'mon .

Sour or not , he left her ! Was it sour for her ? Does he care ?


Now if he wanna get her back he has to meet her conditions .

Or she have to make it easy for him ?

Is that childish game too ?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> What do you mean ?
> 
> Don't make him mad ? C'mon .
> 
> ...


Exactly.

Don't make him 'mad'.

What you are advising is all manipulation.

There is absolutely no need for any of that.

From what she has said.

He's still talking to the OW.

Have no idea where you got he wanted to reconcile.


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Well I am so glad that my last post has sparked such a debate! 

Since his last text there have been many more, mostly about the schedule for this week (have instructed him to let me know on Sunday which days he will take the kids to school and what night he will have them for dinner as his schedule changes weekly) I got the plan for this week, including a comment about some Fridays when he does dinner will have to be early so he can sub (bowling) for a guy he knows. He said maybe once a month. I reminded him this Friday-sunday is his first weekend with D6 (friday dinner time till Sunday at 5pm) He responded with "right" 

I swear he has lost his short term memory over the last year!

Then I get a text from him saying (and if you are prude don't look)

"I miss putting my face in your butt. your but always makes me hot"

To which I replied.

"Sorry "


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

If standing for your self and want the things your way is manipulation for you, then we're on a different page .

My W started exactly this way :



> He made 2 Text contacts with me regarding other than kids etc. Friday night he spent time with kids at my home because I had plans.....before I returned home at 1130 pm he text me to ask if I was still out, I responded because I thought something may be wrong with kids. (I have 2 teenagers, who were home alone with D6 after he went to his apt) He responded "no reason" after I asked Why? Then an hour later, when I was in bed he text "I hope you had a nice time tonight" I responded "Thanks"


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> Well I am so glad that my last post has sparked such a debate!
> 
> Since his last text there have been many more, mostly about the schedule for this week (have instructed him to let me know on Sunday which days he will take the kids to school and what night he will have them for dinner as his schedule changes weekly) I got the plan for this week, including a comment about some Fridays when he does dinner will have to be early so he can sub (bowling) for a guy he knows. He said maybe once a month. I reminded him this Friday-sunday is his first weekend with D6 (friday dinner time till Sunday at 5pm) He responded with "right"
> 
> ...


Because that's an appropriate thing to say after leaving your wife.

Why exactly are you sorry?


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

I meant sorry for him.....I couldn't think of anything else to say, was in shock that he even put that in black and white.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> If standing for your self and want the things your way is manipulation for you, then we're on a different page .


It is manipulation.

Especially seeing how she responded to the texts was great.

You had to play games to get yours back.

It worked for you.

That's great.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> I meant sorry for him.....I couldn't think of anything else to say, was in shock that he even put that in black and white.


Did you feel it was appropriate.

Given everything that's happened so far?


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Not approptiate, but not unexpected as we stopped having sex very recently. I told him I could forgive the affair, if he was committed to R and we could continue trying to rebuild and reconnect, but with no committment towards R, he had to move out and that he was cut off. I know I know I got all the Cake eating info sent to me last week.....I made it clear I am not a booty call. If this is what he wants then he needs to accept the consequences of his choice. 

But I knew that he would try to "feel me out" to see if I wanted him too.....but I am not going to even let him get the idea that I do.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

> "I miss putting my face in your butt. your but always makes me hot"
> 
> To which I replied.
> 
> "Sorry "


Another sign he is/might considering R ! 

Sorry is not a good word in this situation hon , it is like you seeking for his approval to even excuse your self. 

" Forget it " would do the job !


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Another sign he is/might considering R !
> 
> Sorry is not a good word in this situation hon , it is like you seeking for his approval to even excuse your self.
> 
> " Forget it " would do the job !


Sounds like a lonely and horny man.

Not someone who wants to reconcile.

That is no way to start a reconciliation.

Get your head out of the dirt.

What horrid advice.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> *Not appropriate*, but not unexpected as we stopped having sex very recently. *I told him I could forgive the affair, if he was committed to R and we could continue trying to rebuild and reconnect, but with no commitment towards R, he had to move out and that he was cut off.* I know I know I got all the Cake eating info sent to me last week.....*I made it clear I am not a booty call*. If this is what he wants then he needs to accept the consequences of his choice.
> 
> But I knew that he would try to "feel me out" to see if I wanted him too.....but I am not going to even let him get the idea that I do.


You set our boundaries.

That's good.

Don't feel like you 'need' to respond to him right away.

Take time to think about things.

What you are and are not okay with.

If you were not okay with such a comment from him.

Make it clear.

"I am not okay with this."

"I do not find this appropriate."


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Forgot to add that he said he was sorry for saying that afterwards.

I did not respond to that.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> Forgot to add that he said he was sorry for saying that afterwards.
> 
> I did not respond to that.


He's sorry he didn't get the reaction he hoped for.

No reason to respond to it.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> It is manipulation.
> 
> Especially seeing how she responded to the texts was great.
> 
> ...


Hahahh

So everything is manipulation in your eyes ?

How did you got your wife ? Without " games " ?

Courtship isn't a game ? 

You jest went to her and say " I wanna marry you " , she said yes and here you go , right ?

Or she came to you and did the same ?

Hahhaha


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Sounds like a lonely and horny man.
> 
> Not someone who wants to reconcile.
> 
> ...



OMG , do you listen to your self ?

Have you been ever asked to R and all the game(s) around it ?

If not , you don't have a clue what that is , so don't mislead others !


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Hahahh
> 
> So everything is manipulation in your eyes ?
> 
> ...





BigMac said:


> OMG , do you listen to your self ?
> 
> Have you been ever asked to R and all the game(s) around it ?
> 
> If not , you don't have a clue what that is , so don't mislead others !


Courtship?

Asking someone to marry them right away?

What are you talking about?

Yes.

I was asked to reconcile.

Last week actually.

The walk away spouse telling the betrayed spouse that they want to stick there face into the rear is by no means indication that they want to reconcile.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Courtship?
> 
> Asking someone to marry them right away?
> 
> ...



Are you playing dumb now ?

How did you made you W or your X or any GF you've had fail in love with you without " games " ? 

Is that love game not a manipulation ?

Oh c'mon , you're wasting my time now !

Before she directly asked me for R , she send me all kind a messages including " you're so hot . I wish I have you in bed right now " !

Later she told me she didn't had the balls to ask me directly , this is why she send me all those hints .

This is why I'm thinking her H is " ready " for R !


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Are you playing dumb now ?
> 
> How did you made you W or your X or any GF you've had fail in love with you without " games " ?
> 
> ...


You cannot 'make' anyone fall in love with you.

They do it on there own.

Manipulation to gain 'love'.

That's how you get it?

By playing games and manipulating?

I want thank you for posting such putrid acknowledgements of how you handle and deal with things in your life.

It speaks in such great volume, that I really have nothing much left to say.

You've done it all on your own.

This will be the last time I talk to you directly about this.

But it will not be the last where I advise against such vomit inducing advice.


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

OK ! Enough! Listen....my husband and I have ALWAYS had an amazing sexlife! Even through the entire time we were seperated and living at home, I made the CHOICE to continue being intamate with him. Maybe a mistake, but my mistake. He is going thru withdrawals now, he only just moved out! Yes part of me believes that we will be together again but it will take a Hell of a lot more than sexual interest to get us to R!!!

HE NEEDS TO SAY HE MISSES A HELL OF ALOT MORE THAN MY BUTT!!!

How about him missing me, his life, his best friend, his wife?!?!?!

I get both of your points and I appriciate them both. I am not stupid, he and I have a long road before R. if ever.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Sounds like a lonely and horny man.
> 
> Not someone who wants to reconcile.
> 
> That is no way to start a reconciliation.


Especially if he is still in contact with the OW. I have not seen any mention of R on his part. And it sounds like she let him know what she was looking for R. 






UpnOver said:


> The walk away spouse telling the betrayed spouse that they want to stick there face into the rear is by no means indication that they want to reconcile.


Agree.....He is just looking for a piece....


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> OK ! Enough! Listen....my husband and I have ALWAYS had an amazing sex life! Even through the entire time we were separated and living at home, I made the CHOICE to continue being intimate with him. Maybe a mistake, but my mistake. He is going thru withdrawals now, he only just moved out! Yes part of me believes that we will be together again but it will take a Hell of a lot more than sexual interest to get us to R!!!
> 
> *HE NEEDS TO SAY HE MISSES A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN MY BUTT!!!*
> 
> ...


Exactly.

With it being genuine.

Owning up to his past mistakes.

As I said.

How you handled the texts was good.

You are very self aware and that's great.

Self worth is the most important thing.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> You cannot 'make' anyone fall in love with you.
> 
> They do it on there own.
> 
> ...



Here how you twisted everything again and this I'll report it !

And I'm asking you for 3 months not to talk to me !!!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Lovingwife.

I want to apologize for the escalated atmosphere within your thread.

Although.

I hope some of it was beneficial.


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

:scratchhead:


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Hey I have another Thread going in Coping with Infid. Titled My 18 yr old daughter wants to contact OW......

Anyone have opinion on that one!!!!????


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> Hey I have another Thread going in Coping with Infid. Titled My 18 yr old daughter wants to contact OW......
> 
> Anyone have opinion on that one!!!!????


You seem to be getting good advice on that thread from the members who frequent there.


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

I agree, I am worried she will get hurt though....She is head strong.....and 18 yr olds don't always think about consequences


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> I agree, I am worried she will get hurt though....She is head strong.....and 18 yr olds don't always think about consequences


No.

They don't.

Only way one can learn though.

Right?


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

:iagree:


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Last night was hard............H called and I answered. (dumb) Chit chat about this and that. I know he is starting to feel alone, I have always been his best friend.

Then he asks me to come over. I told him I had to go, and I would call him back.

After I get off the phone I get a text from him saying, he is sorry if he upset me, that he doesn't know how I would feel about us just using each other for sex. He said if I changed my mind to call.

I said I won't. After 18 yrs together I want to feel alittle more special than just being the one available to have sex with him tonight. He said he was sorry, I told him to find someone else so he would forget about me.

He said "I am surprised that you think I could ever forget about you" I responded, "In time you will and this will become easier"

He said "not really"

I stayed at home, and now the morning has come and I am not sure how to feel.:scratchhead:


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> Last night was hard............H called and I answered. (dumb) Chit chat about this and that. I know he is starting to feel alone, I have always been his best friend.
> 
> Then he asks me to come over. I told him I had to go, and I would call him back.
> 
> ...


Feel great b/c you didn't allow yourself to be used as a booty call!!


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

I do feel good.....he could have had me everyday for the rest of his life but he choose to give up that option.

I keep thinking about sending the text messages to the OW, and saving my daughter the backlash (thread in Coping section)

But what will that really do, except piss H off, I wouldn't love someone who was vindictive like that, so anychance of him realizing his mistake and R will be 2 steps back. This man is in MLC, and the realationship is mainly EA. I don't know I sound irrational. I am going to just continue being strong and refusing him. He doesn't get that part of me if he doesn't want the rest of me too.


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

So yesterday there was only one contact. He texted me to let me know he transferred money to my bank account. I responded "ok"

Had a talk with D18 last night who said my S15 told her the house was more peaceful now. So sad. My D18 is still debating outing the OW but for now it is on hold.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Question for all of you...

H is a volunteer FF and for the last 10 years I have been involved in the ladies aux doing fundraising and socializing with these ladies.....(mothers, wives, daughters etc) of the FF . My D18 is also involved...

Do I resign from this now? I am not sure that I want to but certain things that are involved in it revolve around the FF and therefore my husband. There is a annual dinner that is at the end of the month that I don't feel I should attend because I would have to go with him.

Any thoughts?


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

If you enjoy it do it... It is for a great cause....
Dont let him make you feel like you dont belong....


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