# Husband hates sex?



## countrylover22 (May 1, 2014)

I am posting this on here because I need advice, and don't want to ask anyone I know. I am 19 years old, my husband is 21. We have a good marriage. We get along good, and love each other. I am about 5' 5", 150 pounds. I have a little bit of extra fat, but not a lot. I am pretty white though. I work a lot, so I am strong. My hair hangs down to the end of my back. I have a good personality, I try to be a good wife. My problem is my husband acts like he hates sex. He wants me to give him oral, or other non-sex but sexual stuff. He wants something about everyday. But he acts like he hates sex. He doesn't stay hard, he just wants to get it over with. He is about 6', 260 pounds. I don't know if he just isn't attracted, or what. He never wants to get me turned on. He just wants to hop in there and do it so he can get it over with. Well it takes longer than 5 seconds to get me turned on. Then if I am not ready he gets mad and just jacks off. I feel so hurt, so ugly, and just a failure. It's getting to where I crave real sex, the kind I have never had. Sweet and kind. Where I actually get turned on. He just leaves, then when he comes back he wants oral or something like that.He only says he wants sex every once in a while like it's a chore he needs to do. I want him to make love to me like he wants me. I have tried to tell him how I can't get turned on in 5 seconds, he doesn't listen. Does anyone have any advice on how to get him to be more gentle, and take more time? I think he would like it more if I was turned on. Thanks!


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

Tell him to stop watching porn and jerking off.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

He is immature. Some 21 year old men are still boys emotionally and sexually. Looks like you married one. I dont have solid advice for you but hope you can get through to him. Or he'll be on the forums whining some BS about how he lost you and he never saw it coming. His fault IMO.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Stop giving him what he wants until you get what you want. And if he wants to wank off, pull out a toy and show him how it's done.

Seriously though... Some guys are selfish lovers and don't care about their partner's pleasure. It might be because he's immature, it might just be the way he is. But if you're not getting anything from the experience, I wouldn't bother participating in it.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

Yes he is immature. You are going to have to educate him so he knows what you want.

It does sound like his desire has been skewed by porn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Does he watch a lot of porn? 

Do you give him a blow job when he wants it? 

What are you willing to do about the situation?


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## GIM003 (Feb 5, 2014)

soulseer said:


> Yes he is immature. You are going to have to educate him so he knows what you want.
> 
> It does sound like his desire has been skewed by porn.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:
You need to help him understand that his current approach to sex is harmful to your relationship. If you have a good marriage and relationship in many other ways, then you have something worth working on before this issue starts to poison other aspects of your life together. He needs to know how his current approach to sex affects you and what you need from him.


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## dedad (Aug 22, 2013)

You are so young to have to deal with such a big problem. How did you end up marrying this guy when he is like this? (Don't answer this. It is just a rhetorical question.) 

I am assuming that you looking for suggestions on how to make this better. I am sorry that I can't think of anything that would really make a difference. Talking does not do it for most guys. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. However, there will be moments, like when you are cuddling and into each other, when you can just ask - how come you don't have sex with me? I would also suggest a non-judgmental, supportive tone.

You do have to pick the right moment. Don't just walk in and ask when you are good and ready. Don't try to talk about this in the fourth quarter of a game, etc. etc.

At some point, you have to just toss him out and move on before the hole gets deeper.

Good luck.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I'm assuming you are exaggerating some when you say '5 seconds'.
Is it literally 5 seconds or more like a couple of minutes?

The reason I ask this is that is it is under a minute there might be some physical issues like premature ejaculation or ED.
If so, then the problem might be medical and he's embarrassed to have 'real' sex. he's compensating for that by avoiding it.

next time, sort of time him to tell how long he actually lasts.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I would tell him although you are a wonderfull person and I am attracted to you I feel our sex life is lacking. I want a satisfying sex life with you being as giving and trying to do the things I like and figuring this out together is whats supost to happen in a loving marriage. Lots of guy have a situation where they cum a little faster than it takes a woman to cum. with humor love and desire we can surely overcome this issue and make our marriage all it was ment to be. 

before you have this conversation have some book or videos about PE learn some technicues on how to help your man overcome it.

One method is called edging where you give him oral or hand stimulation until just before hes about to orgasm.and then you squeeze at the base of his........until he calms down then you start again rinse and repeat until he can kinda know when the feeling is getting stronger and can then incorperate it while you have sex.

if he refuses to try to put any effort into being a better lover then you have to decide if you want this for the rest of your marriage. which most likley won't be very long because resentment will build up and eventually you will not even be able to stand his touch let alone have sex with him.


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