# never thought I'd be here



## 845dad (May 28, 2014)

First off I love my wife and 3 kids but we have been moving apart for the last couple of years despite my trying to be there for her and the family. A couple of years ago she got into crossfit...i mean really into it..every day for a couple of hours.. I never worried about it but it was really ****ing up the home life in that house was going to ****.. As the house seems to get worse the exercise regime gets more and more intense..its a vicious circle. Long story short, she moves on to strong-woman competition ****.. I let her go because I know it makes her happy...A long year later she is spending 25 hours a week at the gym keeping the kids with her till way to late (10pm) at night. Oh I forgot to mention she this place is 35 miles from our house. So last week I am at work and I get this text from the gym owners wife which says she had just looked at her husbands texts and phonecalls (not the texts themselves just volume) and that she had just confronted him (he admits to having an emotional relationship) and kicked him out. When I got home I confronted my wife and she says nothing happened and she is not happy. So being the dumbass that I am I believe her. She stopped going to the gym so I figured things may be on the mend. A week later I get another text to ask about a certain day...I start checking the texts phone call times and ezpass info and it looks like she made herself a 2 hour date after I had driven home from a family vacation in DC (8 hour drive). She denies everything and is asking for a divorce based on the fact I do not trust her and I am snooping on her...is there any hope...I just feel like a fool for allowing her addiction.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

I am sorry you are here.
I don't know if you have had a chance to read any threads here but these things follow a script.

You will get plenty of help soon.

I will tell you this the men who take action do the best in the long run.

Again I am sorry.

People who have been where you are, will share their experience with you.
Take care.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

I just realized you posted this in the men's Clubhouse.
This needs to be in the CWI section, that is where the help you need is.
I would delete this and repost in CWI (Coping With Infidelity)

See link below.
Coping with Infidelity


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A good place to start is with the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley

At about the time she stated the cross fit, how many hours a week were you two spending going things together that you enjoyed, just the two of you?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Expose her to both families and put pos om on cheaterville.
Carry a var on you when dealing with her.
Remind her there are no secrets in a marriage.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Ask the other mans wife where he is living.


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## 845dad (May 28, 2014)

He is currently trying to make his marriage work and as far as I can tell has not had contact with her since a week ago. I am pretty sure that is due to himm and not her. My wife seems completely unremorseful and and claims she wants a divorce because I can not be trusted because I snooped on her. My wife had 2000 minutes and 4000 texts last month....I am pretty sure I have a reason to snoop...Is there a way to get the actual texts from verizon? We are going to go to counselling next week,,,could anyone tell me what to expect ..or say


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did she delete the messages?

Some phones will let you download even deleted messages. Do a search online to see if there is an app for the phone she has.

The book I suggested will tell you a lot of what you need to say and do.

You absolutely have to right to snoop if your wife is cheating and lying to you.

Both you and she need to get STD tests. Have you talked to her about that yet? Who knows what that guy has been up to.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

By the way, if he is trying to make his marriage work, she has learned the first lesson about affairs. As soon as the wife finds out, the OM usually dumps his affair partner to try to save his marriage.

She has found out that he was using her.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

845Dad,

Please ask the mods to move your thread to CWI, where the best advice on infidelity is offered.

Your wife is cheating. She has been in an affair for a long time. CrossFit is cool but not if just one spouse is into it.

1. Do not beg or plead with your wife to stay married. It is not sexy.
2. Give defiant people what they demand. File for divorce.
3. Put the 180 into effect (google or TAM search for instructions)

Stick to these things.

Your wife is in love with OM. That feeling will burn out faster if unpleasant reality takes her time.

In this bad time, take care of yourself. Work out. Eat right. Don't drink.


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