# My husbad is shy about his body.......



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm starting to swim with some regularity. I like it and I was hoping to get my husband to come swimming with me. He is chubby and I do wish that he would lose weight, say 20 pounds , to avoid having to buy new clothes; to stay comfortable in the one he has and to lessen his needs for prescriptions like for high blood pressure and so on.

He is shy about being seen in swim trunks. I told him that there are private dressing rooms that he can easily access. You don't have to demonstrate any special need. I tell him that I want him to stay healthy so that he stay alive and take care of me. Are there any other encouragements that I could use?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

NextTimeAround said:


> I'm starting to swim with some regularity. I like it and I was hoping to get my husband to come swimming with me. He is chubby and I do wish that he would lose weight, say 20 pounds , to avoid having to buy new clothes; to stay comfortable in the one he has and to lessen his needs for prescriptions like for high blood pressure and so on.
> 
> He is shy about being seen in swim trunks. I told him that there are private dressing rooms that he can easily access. You don't have to demonstrate any special need. I tell him that I want him to stay healthy so that he stay alive and take care of me. Are there any other encouragements that I could use?


When I started my weight loss journey I would wear tshirts when I swam because I was embarrassed also


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

The biggest encouragement would be him going at least once and realizing that no one is looking at him or paying any attention to him. People are busy with their own thing, they won't be noticing him. It's the same with people who think they are "too fat" to go to the gym, yet when they finally go they realize people don't pay any attention or are encouraging. 

If he doesn't like his swim trunks or they don't fit well, buy a new pair. Don't expect him to wear I'll fitting trunks or ones he doesn't like just because you hope he will lose weight. They aren't very expensive. It's not a bad investment if it leads to him getting healthier and losing weight. 

Is he shy about going shirtless, or just being in swim trunks? Or the changing process? If it's going shirtless, can he wear a shirt? If he doesn't want to wear a t-shirt, you can buy swim shirts so it won't look so out of place. People wear them for all sorts of reasons. If it's the changing process, he could wear his trunks under his pants. 

Alternatively, find an activity that you can do together that you will both enjoy. Maybe he will be more open to swimming if he loses a few pounds. Make sure you are both eating well, or at least that you are modeling healthy eating and not enabling him.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Do you have any YMCA or similar gyms which offer water Zumba or aerobics? If so, go on a tour of the gym while they are offering that class. While those water classes are good for anyone, the participants tend to be on the heavier side. He may feel comfortable in that environment.

But if he feels uncomfortable, see if you can get him to do something else. Going on brisk walks is a great way to begin to get into fitness. You guys can easily walk anytime from your house and he won't worry about how he looks in the gym. Over time he'll get more fit and maybe won't care as much.

It's often very hard for people to lose weight and it may be better to come at it from the fitness angle. Exercise can help with weight loss, but diet will also need to be changed to see significant results. But don't worry about losing weight. Even if he doesn't lose any weight, being more active will make him healthier and have fewer problems and need fewer meds. It'll be more straightforward and simple to get him into an active lifestyle and then tackle weight issues once exercise becomes a habit.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I second what someone said above... once he goes once and realizing no one cares it should lessen his anxiety. 
Just keep telling him that no one pays attention to anyone else and no one really cares. And that’s the truth.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> I'm starting to swim with some regularity. I like it and I was hoping to get my husband to come swimming with me. He is chubby and I do wish that he would lose weight, say 20 pounds , to avoid having to buy new clothes; to stay comfortable in the one he has and to lessen his needs for prescriptions like for high blood pressure and so on.
> 
> He is shy about being seen in swim trunks. I told him that there are private dressing rooms that he can easily access. You don't have to demonstrate any special need. I tell him that I want him to stay healthy so that he stay alive and take care of me. Are there any other encouragements that I could use?


He obviously has some body self-image issues. Have you thought about the two of you going to a marriage counselor or him going to an IC? I would wager that his self-image issues are probably also impacting other aspects of his life with you.

My suggestion is to lovingly support him and give him a healing environment. If he just can't do that you might get some books or CD's on affirmations. This is a way for a person to change self-image or attitudes held by their subconscious mind, through repetition and self-hypnosis. It is also great for weight loss, changing eating habits, developing a liking for exercise, etc.

Good luck.


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## datguy (Feb 5, 2020)

If he is ashamed, this should motivate him to action. If this is not so, then these are just words ...


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Is it possible to go at an “off” time at first, where there will likely be few people there?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Thanks for all your suggestions. I know it's not good to be a nag. so I'll have to be more nuanced here.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I swim with a rash guard shirt. Also when the pool is at low usage like 5:30 am.


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