# Why is there nothing online for us men ?



## Mr Sad (Feb 18, 2020)

Like many others on here my wife of 30 years cheated on me and left me for another man just before Christmas, to say i'm devastated is an understatement even though it's been almost 7 months now i'm still really hurting.

Here's the thing i've noticed, if i try and search google for advice virtually everything i find is my husband has left me for another woman there is nothing for us men.To make it worse if you do find anything it's still portrayed as the man's fault in some way or another.

Why is it that us men are always portrayed as the monsters ? In my experience women are much more heartless and calculating than men, it's all very biased and explains why so many of us men end up committing suicide.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Agree.

A not-so subtle bias.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

That’s an excellent question. Why are men always portrayed as either bumbling idiots or unfeeling, selfish assholes on TV too? It’s very disheartening. I just left a women’s divorce group because it was nothing but male bashing and God help you if you try to stand up for men.

I think you’ll find a lot more support for your situation here. Many of the men here have been through what you’re going through unfortunately. I’m sure a bunch will come in here to give you both support and advice.

I’m so sorry for what’s happened to you. _hugs_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Is there bias? Yes...but in ALL ways.

The problem with confirmation bias is you get exactly what you looking for. 

Instead of seeing women as more callous and cold, or men as lacking support, maybe you do the things necessary to stop feeling like a victim. 

Please note: I said stop 'feeling like a victim', because all appearances are that you have been victimized. However, the hope is to change the 'is' to a 'was'.

That only happens through self reflection, embracing pain, and truly understanding that you bear no responsibility for her choice to cheat. All of those...and time. 

Sorry you are here, brother. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

notmyjamie said:


> That’s an excellent question. Why are men always portrayed as either bumbling idiots or unfeeling, selfish assholes on TV too? It’s very disheartening. I just left a women’s divorce group because it was nothing but male bashing and God help you if you try to stand up for men.
> 
> I think you’ll find a lot more support for your situation here. Many of the men here have been through what you’re going through unfortunately. I’m sure a bunch will come in here to give you both support and advice.
> 
> I’m so sorry for what’s happened to you. _hugs_


You know the answer to that question.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It is very normal and human to be hurt but more important is the the detail of minimizing the impact on your future. The tone of your post makes me believe you may easily slide into the “woman hater” zone if your not careful. That would be unhealthy for you and it’s easy to find those types. Focus on what you can change or love about yourself and leave those other things alone. Don’t get drug down into that black hole.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mr Sad said:


> Like many others on here my wife of 30 years cheated on me and left me for another man just before Christmas, to say i'm devastated is an understatement even though it's been almost 7 months now i'm still really hurting.
> 
> Here's the thing i've noticed, if i try and search google for advice virtually everything i find is my husband has left me for another woman there is nothing for us men.To make it worse if you do find anything it's still portrayed as the man's fault in some way or another.
> 
> Why is it that us men are always portrayed as the monsters ? In my experience women are much more heartless and calculating than men, it's all very biased and explains why so many of us men end up committing suicide.


And some of the groups for men are just misogynistic groups that aren't really helpful. 

I think that TAM is probably one of the better resources, really.


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## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

Mr Sad said:


> Like many others on here my wife of 30 years cheated on me and left me for another man just before Christmas, to say i'm devastated is an understatement even though it's been almost 7 months now i'm still really hurting.
> 
> Here's the thing i've noticed, if i try and search google for advice virtually everything i find is my husband has left me for another woman there is nothing for us men.To make it worse if you do find anything it's still portrayed as the man's fault in some way or another.
> 
> Why is it that us men are always portrayed as the monsters ? In my experience women are much more heartless and calculating than men, it's all very biased and explains why so many of us men end up committing suicide.


Women cheat too. I think men are just wired differently than women as far being impulsive in the moment. it’s prob just more common for men to cheat due to testosterone/impulse. Also, I think more women are on this site because women vent by talking out their issues and researching. I think its more common for men to live in the moment and don’t care to talk about issues/research. Men vent by releasing energy at gym etc. The men I’ve been around just say toughen up and move on by hiding their issues/emotions 🤷🏼‍♀️


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> And some of the groups for men are just misogynistic groups that aren't really helpful.
> 
> I think that TAM is probably one of the better resources, really.


Wow, I really agree with MM here. 

Talk us, most of us are, or try to be good people. I promise a lot of people, male and female, have been through what you have been through.

Also, try to find a good counselor to help you with this, and don't be afraid to change counselors if you are not happy with the way that it is going. 

Hang in there, tell up how you are feeling. Someone will be able to help I bet...


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

One of my female clients recounted her one experience: She was the wayward and her ex divorced her tout suite. She listened, and heard a ton of male bashing from screwing around to listlessness in the home. She then told them that she had the affair and her husband D’d her. They literally cheered. She got up, told them that their group had no interest in healing their divorces or finding ways to get on. She also revealed that she was in fact a psychologist, and the group leader suddenly got hostile. She ended up reporting the group to their HMO.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Taxman said:


> One of my female clients recounted her one experience: She was the wayward and her ex divorced her tout suite. She listened, and heard a ton of male bashing from screwing around to listlessness in the home. She then told them that she had the affair and her husband D’d her. They literally cheered. She got up, told them that their group had no interest in healing their divorces or finding ways to get on. She also revealed that she was in fact a psychologist, and the group leader suddenly got hostile. She ended up reporting the group to their HMO.


So did she NOT want to hear the truth, or was she appalled by the male bashing???


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

This could really open up a can of worms. I get that there is a certain solidarity among women, and men have historically dominated most parts of our society, CEOs, Presidents, etc. and in some ways still do. This breeds some resentment, and has fostered a "we women need to stick together" attitude. 

Men don't care as much as women do about how they are perceived - it's easier to have the man be a dope in a movie or a commercial. It does get old though.

Funny, my wife occasionally meets up with this group of 4-5 single women. They are 50-ish and have never been married, have successful careers. Every time she sees them she comes home and tells me how grateful she is that she isn't them and that she has me. I'm like, "hey, go out with them any time you want!"


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## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

We men are not supposed to have feelings. When we get knocked to the ground, we are supposed to stand up, dust ourselves off, then ride off into the sunset on our horse, all without saying a word. To do otherwise is to be a wimp!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

You got us.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

ChumpLady.com is sensitive to men getting cheated on as much as women.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Mr Sad said:


> Like many others on here my wife of 30 years cheated on me and left me for another man just before Christmas, to say i'm devastated is an understatement even though it's been almost 7 months now i'm still really hurting.
> 
> Here's the thing i've noticed, if i try and search google for advice virtually everything i find is my husband has left me for another woman there is nothing for us men.To make it worse if you do find anything it's still portrayed as the man's fault in some way or another.
> 
> Why is it that us men are always portrayed as the monsters ? In my experience women are much more heartless and calculating than men, it's all very biased and explains why so many of us men end up committing suicide.


The reason there are more relationship resources online for women is that there are more women posting relationship resources online. Simple.

I don't think men are always portrayed as monsters but I do think that because there are more women supported resources online, you are going to find more stories involving bad behavior by men. I'm sure if there were more men supported resources, you'd find just as many stories involving bad behavior by women. 

I also think the reason why more men end up committing suicide is that men tend to be more solitary and have a limited support network (this is especially true the older they get) and are expected to be emotionally stoic with regards to friendships (at least here in the U.S.). Ask yourself, do you have a friend who you would feel comfortable with comforting you while you bear out the emotions surrounding your pain?


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

You might consider a different search engine such as Bing. I've had an interest in female killers for a while, and have found that if you search something like, if not this exact phrase, "woman murders husband" in Google, you will tend to get results that better match with "man murders wife." Whether or not you use an exact phrase search can have an affect on your results. Now, is this because Google is "sexist?" I don't know. I can say it feels that way. It could be that their algorithm just happens to have it that way but not as a result of some anti-male bias. Or maybe my own biases are distorting the results. Whatever the case, I would still say that it's a good idea to try other search engines if you don't like the results you are getting from Google.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

try this site.








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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Mr Sad said:


> Like many others on here my wife of 30 years cheated on me and left me for another man just before Christmas,


Be careful my man. Christmas is coming up in a few months and he may want to bring her back and leave her under your tree. Maybe you need to plan a trip out of town during the season. In the meantime, find yourself a younger chick. Handle it right and you'll be wanting to shake the guys hand and thank him this time next year.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I think TAM is a pretty balanced place. When you post something that's a bit unreasonable, you'll hear about it from both men & women. When you need real help, you'll get male & female perspectives and solutions. Best of all, there's a self-centering mechanism that keeps things real. The mods do a great job of keeping things from getting side-tracked and looking for personal attacks. This is a safe place to vent, to look for different perspectives, to restore your faith in humanity (discover that there are men or women out there whose views would seem idea as a long-term partner, and if they're here, they might be around the corner in the real world too).


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Mr Sad said:


> Like many others on here my wife of 30 years cheated on me and left me for another man just before Christmas, to say i'm devastated is an understatement even though it's been almost 7 months now i'm still really hurting.
> 
> Here's the thing i've noticed, if i try and search google for advice virtually everything i find is my husband has left me for another woman there is nothing for us men.To make it worse if you do find anything it's still portrayed as the man's fault in some way or another.
> 
> Why is it that us men are always portrayed as the monsters ? In my experience women are much more heartless and calculating than men, it's all very biased and explains why so many of us men end up committing suicide.


I'm sorry your wife cheated on you, but that has also biased your own opinion of women. Was women being more heartless and calculating than men your opinion before you were wronged by a woman? Historically, and I do mean literally throughout history, it has always been known that men cheat. Throughout history, men have used their strength and position to cheat on their wives. Throughout history, men have abused women, so much so that agencies and organizations had to be established to protect women for their husbands and boyfriends. Throughout history, men have used their strength and power to control women. Throughout history, men have done the vast majority of rapes, so much so that the number of female rapists is a minuscule factoid by comparison. Throughout history, men have done the murdering of women by a considerably higher rate than women killing men, but you consider men LESS heartless and LESS calculating than women?. Only recently, with the invention and common use of DNA testing, has it become known that women cheated much more than ever thought before, but the numbers are still less than men. I know you're hurting, but don't be so bitter that you try to use your pain to change the factual data.

But people and articles on the internet are not being biased. There's more information available about men cheating and more help for women whose husbands cheated because, again, men cheat more than women do, and women, therefore, are more often the betrayed party. It's also that women talk about their betrayal to friends, on internet forums, to media outlets, on social media, etc. more than men do. A good place to see for yourself is *Chumplady.com*. You'll see those facts in action, in that there are a heck of a lot more women on that board than there are men. It's also a good place for you to share your story, vent your frustrations, and find support to help you be able to move past the pain and on with your life. Chump Lady and Chump Nation have a lot of valuable advice to share.


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

StarFires said:


> I'm sorry your wife cheated on you, but that has also biased your own opinion of women. Was women being more heartless and calculating than men your opinion before you were wronged by a woman? Historically, and I do mean literally throughout history, it has always been known that men cheat. Throughout history, men have used their strength and position to cheat on their wives. Throughout history, men have abused women, so much so that agencies and organizations had to be established to protect women for their husbands and boyfriends. Throughout history, men have used their strength and power to control women. Throughout history, men have done the vast majority of rapes, so much so that the number of female rapists is a minuscule factoid by comparison. Throughout history, men have done the murdering of women by a considerably higher rate than women killing men, but you consider men LESS heartless and LESS calculating than women?. Only recently, with the invention and common use of DNA testing, has it become known that women cheated much more than ever thought before, but the numbers are still less than men. I know you're hurting, but don't be so bitter that you try to use your pain to change the factual data.


What a ****head reply. He didn't do any of that cheating. Your little lecture is completely irrelevant to his situation.


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