# Wife’s text messages concerns husband



## Twitch (Jun 25, 2021)

A little background here: My wife is bi. We got together a year after her wife’s passing. Recently tied the knot not too long ago. We’re both in our mid 40s.
Recently, my wife started receiving text messages from an acquaintance of hers. They dated a couple of times and then we met and their relationship ended. When the messages come she’s very secretive and involved in her conversation and seems to guard her cell. It’s her behavior that intrigues me about it and prompted me to take a closer look to see who she’s talking to so much.
The text messages started out as friendly and now they are getting more personal. I would call them flirty.
She has changed the passcode on her cell, lucky me I guessed it. She’s not taken any time to delete their messages from her cell, maybe be she thinks nobody can read them. I’m unsure.
What should I do? Bring this up to her? Keep watching? Hire a PI? Am I making to much of this? Thanks for the advice.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Drop her. You can analyze this to death and all you’ll do is keep yourself tied up in limbo.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You are fighting her nature here -- you SAY she is bi, but it sounds like she leans a bit more towards the lesbian side of the equation.
You are MARRIED -- she should NOT be having this type of conversation with an ex, period.
Make sure you have copies of all of these messages. Is there anything in the messages that makes you think they are meeting (or have?) If NOT, the PI probably won't find anything.
IF you tell her about her messages, then she will know you got in to her phone, and you won't be able to do that again (unless you have the phone synched to something else like an iPad/etc.). IF you confront her, make sure that YOU have enough evidence that if she gaslights you, denies, etc. -- YOU know what you will do.

You KNOW she is hiding this from you, so it can't be good. If she wasn't she wouldn't have changed her passcode.


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

If you want to save your marriage, then you confront immediately and sternly.

"Wife, I love you. More than anything. I think I've proven that. Because I love you so much, I am willing to tolerate a lot. But one thing I won't tolerate is sharing you with another. As such, I am freeing you to pursue a relationship with (AP's name). I will have divorce papers drawn up. I see no reason why we can't be amicable about this."

If that doesn't shock her back into reality, then she was already gone.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Twitch said:


> Recently tied the knot not too long ago.


Just married and this already. Your setting yourself up for a marriage of miserable existence if you stay. Your doomed to forever be the “wife police”. Cut the rope now. This is a train wreck in the making.


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## Deacon0319 (Mar 4, 2019)

Sorry you had to come here my friend. I hope you know one of the biggest indicators of infidelity nowadays is this phone guarding behavior. You see it in almost every scenario. Take 20 mins to read some of the posts on this board and you will have a hard time finding a case where the cheater did NOT do this.
The ink isn't even dry on the marriage contract and it looks she's diving headlong into at LEAST an emotional affair. Real talk, a good marriage should not be this hard this early. Cut and run from this woman for your own good.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

I would be preparing for divorce by actually taking steps of talking to a lawyer, starting paperwork etc, but just keep watching in the meantime, we all know what is coming if it hasn't happened already.


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## it.was.an.ea (Jun 21, 2021)

1. Start talking to lawyers so you can be ready to file.
2. Don't let on to her that you know anything yet.
3. Keep monitoring. If you're confident she doesn't know about your access to her phone, a PI may not be necessary. You can get all her texts and her GPS/location history.
4. Not sure if it's still possible, but DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Hiding communications from you is betrayal.
How long married? You said recently....how recently.
If she is planning to cheat or is already cheating, what would you do?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You didn’t say you were a man or a woman. If you are a man and married a woman that was previously married to a woman, I think that was very foolish.

your wife is already being unfaithful. Just move on and put the mistake behind you. I suspect you are just her wallet anyway.


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