# I feel threatened by my wife's best friend



## legoscience (May 2, 2011)

My wife has always associated better with men than women and I am the exact opposite (better with women than men). I feel very threatened by her best friend. He lives 7 hours away but she goes to his city a couple of times a year for conventions and spends all of her free time with or near him. She talks to him about everything including us. He is married but has problems with his wife that he discusses with my wife. There is an 11year difference between my wife and I (she is a cougar) but only there is only a 1 or 2 year difference between them. My wife says that there is nothing physical between them but they have had opportunities if they wanted to do so. She respects our relationship too much to jeopardize it with cheating. I have told her that I want the fun she has with him and the relationship they share. She tells me that our relationship is different. He fun she has with me is a different kind of fun. We both know that we have little in common but want to make the marriage work. I feel very threatened by him and the constant phone calls, texts, and occastional fb messages. 
Am I being foolish?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Was it this way while you were dating her?


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

No. This is the way YOU feel and there is absolutely NO error in how you are feeling. Your wife needs to respect your feelings. If she cant, then she doesn't and isn't respecting you!

While things MAY be innocent now, this is a very slippery slope your wife is walking on right now. This is already causing a rift in your marriage, and it will only get worse in my opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## legoscience (May 2, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Was it this way while you were dating her?


No. I knew that she is a very outgoing women and that was partly what attracted her to me. Later in our marriage she told me that her best friend in high school was a guy so this is not a new thing for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

legoscience said:


> No. I knew that she is a very outgoing women and that was partly what attracted her to me. Later in our marriage she told me that her best friend in high school was a guy so this is not a new thing for her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm asking specifically about her relationship with this person.

If it's "always been this way", then it should not bother you because you haven't been deceived about what you got into.

If their friendship is now much closer than it was before you got married? Red flag


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## legoscience (May 2, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> No. This is the way YOU feel and there is absolutely NO error in how you are feeling. Your wife needs to respect your feelings. If she cant, then she doesn't and isn't respecting you!
> 
> While things MAY be innocent now, this is a very slippery slope your wife is walking on right now. This is already causing a rift in your marriage, and it will only get worse in my opinion.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know that I have not been the best husband and there are things about me that she would like changed. I am willing to help our relationship. She has asked that I be more romantic and not just expect sex. This is part of the age difference (I am 35 and she is 46).
I am not a social person and that is one of her problems with me. I am trying to make new friends at work. She has also asked that I find a friend to talk over my problems with. I started that today and I do feel better after talking with them (they are both women and I am quite sure my wife sees nothing wrong with that but I dont want the same situation to occur). They suggest that I ask her to sprend less time talking with him but try to comply with her requests (romance).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fatiguedfatherof4 (Apr 28, 2011)

How long have you 2 been married? If you don't have that much in common then why did you get married? Were they EVER romantic at ANYTIME before they were married. You said she was older and maybe there was some history there that was "revised" when the 2 of you met.
I've been hit with a "revised" story or two from my wife about a "friend" and it kinda sucks.
Good luck.

A.F.O.L.?


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## legoscience (May 2, 2011)

Conrad said:


> I'm asking specifically about her relationship with this person.
> 
> If it's "always been this way", then it should not bother you because you haven't been deceived about what you got into.
> 
> If their friendship is now much closer than it was before you got married? Red flag


She has only known him for the past 2-3 years and it seems to be escalating. Or she is only just talking to me about him for the past year and I am only now paying attention. I really do believe that there is no physical relationship between them but I am worried that she will tire of our differences and leave me and find comfort with him. I am also scared that he is attracted to my wife (she has told me such) and since his wife is not having sex with him that he is looking at mine.
Of all of this it seems that she is being honest with me in telling all of this but I havea worrying nature. I really hope that this is one of those times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## legoscience (May 2, 2011)

fatiguedfatherof4 said:


> How long have you 2 been married? If you don't have that much in common then why did you get married? Were they EVER romantic at ANYTIME before they were married. You said she was older and maybe there was some history there that was "revised" when the 2 of you met.
> I've been hit with a "revised" story or two from my wife about a "friend" and it kinda sucks.
> Good luck.
> 
> A.F.O.L.?


She met him after our marriage.

Yes I am an A.F.O.L.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## legoscience (May 2, 2011)

I feel better talking about this even with complete strangers. I guess my wife was correct about me needing people to talk to and not keep everthing inside. Thank you everyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

legoscience said:


> I have told her that I want the fun she has with him and the relationship they share. She tells me that our relationship is different. He fun she has with me is a different kind of fun. _Posted via Mobile Device_


This part has me worried. What kind of fun does she have with him that she can't with you? What do they do that is so different?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

The next person you should talk to is a D lawyer.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

How transperent is she? Do you have access to there corrispondence? Is she secretive with the contact?

I suggest you quitely look into the extent of their relationship. Hiring a PI is best but expensive, so if money is tight then start your own investigation and see if you can find out if you are sharing your wife. 

You have a problem when your wife is not considering you as her best friend, so the both of you should take a good look at why this is.

Lets say you find no physical stuff going on, the both of you still do not have a healthy dynamic for the marriage when she is emotional invested with her "best friend".

You diserve to be happy so go ahead and validate your wifes loyality. And by the way don't bother asking her, she will tell you the same thing she has told you for the last few years. 

Go get the information for your self, it will clear alot up. She may be cake eating.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

You had me at he said he's attracted to her. This wouldn't fly with me.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

This guy is not having sex with his wife, and is attracted to your wife? AND she goes out of town to see him on occasion? If they aren't already having an affair, they will soon. Just give it a little more time. Even if this is not physical yet it is just a matter of time. This is already an emotional affair. I agree with the others on this post. Have her followed the next time she goes out of town to meet him. 

Tell your wife that just the mere fact that he is not having sex with his wife and that he finds you attractive makes you uncomfortable and you would not like her to see him anymore. If she loves you, she should respect this reasonable request. Mark my words: this guy has only one thing in mind. Getting in your wifes pants, and he is just waiting for a moment when your wife is vunerable, and he will make his move and turn this into a PA if it isn't already. ACT NOW, tell her she can have male friends, just not this one.


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

I would say you would be crazy if you didn't have a concern about this relationship! This has to stop or it will ruin your marriage. She needs to make a choice - you are the other guy. Enough is enough.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Dude shut this relationship down!

She`s disrespecting you and you`re letting her do it.

I`d be inclined to believe she`s already having an affair with him.

Put an end to it now.


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## elo123 (May 3, 2011)

If there is a friend, especially an opposite sex friend that is threatening to the spouse, then that 'friendship' has to cease, plain and simple. In theory at least. In practice, that may take a lot of work depending. 

I dont know what the dynamic is like with your wife, especially if she is a cougar, but with my wife - if this happened- and if I was this uncomfortable, I would demand that this friendship end. By just you posting this on here is enough of a sign you are troubled by this. Best wishes.


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## AniversaryFight (Mar 7, 2011)

Shiiit, oooh boy the cougers are ****ing each other !


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

russ101 said:


> This guy is not having sex with his wife, and is attracted to your wife? AND she goes out of town to see him on occasion? If they aren't already having an affair, they will soon. Just give it a little more time. Even if this is not physical yet it is just a matter of time. This is already an emotional affair. I agree with the others on this post. Have her followed the next time she goes out of town to meet him.
> 
> Tell your wife that just the mere fact that he is not having sex with his wife and that he finds you attractive makes you uncomfortable and you would not like her to see him anymore. If she loves you, she should respect this reasonable request. Mark my words: this guy has only one thing in mind. Getting in your wifes pants, and he is just waiting for a moment when your *wife is vunerable*, and he will make his move and turn this into a PA if it isn't already. ACT NOW, tell her she can have male friends, just not this one.


All it will take is one day when she's PO at you and has had a few drinks... and your wife's ankles will be above this guys shoulders ( sorry for the visual).

Look up the definition of "BOUNDARIES" and highlight it leaving that page open for your wife to see. I don't hang out 1-on-1 with sex starved women who like me, and neither does my with in regards to dudes. Tell her she can't have her cake and eat it to. She don't understand why you are coming from? That might be a RED FLAG in itself... well you start doing the same thing, and see if she gets it then. Women kill me with "he's just a friend" - this same friend would plow you through the floor if you were to spread your legs for him.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

legoscience said:


> My wife has always associated better with men than women and I am the exact opposite (better with women than men). I feel very threatened by her best friend. He lives 7 hours away but she goes to his city a couple of times a year for conventions and spends all of her free time with or near him. She talks to him about everything including us. He is married but has problems with his wife that he discusses with my wife. There is an 11year difference between my wife and I (she is a cougar) but only there is only a 1 or 2 year difference between them. My wife says that there is nothing physical between them but they have had opportunities if they wanted to do so. She respects our relationship too much to jeopardize it with cheating. I have told her that I want the fun she has with him and the relationship they share. She tells me that our relationship is different. He fun she has with me is a different kind of fun. We both know that we have little in common but want to make the marriage work. I feel very threatened by him and the constant phone calls, texts, and occastional fb messages.
> Am I being foolish?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Trust your gut feeling, your intuition. It’s rarely wrong and rarely lets us down.

Listen to what your gut is telling you and write it down. Then believe and accept what you’ve written and go forward with that new information.

Bob


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

legoscience said:


> She has only known him for the past 2-3 years and it seems to be escalating. Or she is only just talking to me about him for the past year and I am only now paying attention. I really do believe that there is no physical relationship between them but I am worried that she will tire of our differences and leave me and find comfort with him. I am also scared that he is attracted to my wife (she has told me such) and since his wife is not having sex with him that he is looking at mine.
> Of all of this it seems that she is being honest with me in telling all of this but I havea worrying nature. I really hope that this is one of those times.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry if I missed this. How did she meet up with him to begin with? What fun do they have that is different? This is already an affair. How exciting going to a convention and having some romance with opportunity to do whatever. How convenient.

This has been on for a couple of years!!! Again sorry if I missed it, when did you find this out? Surely you have not sanctioned this for one nano-second ....


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

AniversaryFight said:


> Shiiit, oooh boy the cougers are ****ing each other !
> 
> Ok, Ok, yes there is high possibility that they are ****ing each other.
> WHY?
> ...


^^^ This ^^^^


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Keylogger time.


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