# Need Advice: wife put on a LOT of weight



## dave773 (Apr 20, 2012)

I'm not perfect, she's not perfect.

She has, however, put on a lot of weight , onto what was a big ger frame to start with (and I'm OK with). I love and do not want to leave. I'm not sure of her weight, but she's gone up 10 numbers in size (I do the laundry). I've read every thread on the internet I could find and I can tell you what does not work with her:

Me doing tons of housework.
Me encouraging her to exercise.
Me taking care of the kids.
Me taking her out.
Having a frank conversation.
Turning off the telelvision.
Initiating sex.
Being close and emotionally available.
Offering to be a workout buddy.
Trying to have only healthy food in the house.
Trying to include her in my active hobbies.

I'm not sure what to do. She knows she's fat and has flat out refused to do anything about it. She also doesn't want to leave the house much, preferring to stare at the screen for hours. We have kids too, and they've asked me why she doesn't work out or try to be thinner. 

Yes, depression -- we're medicating that. No help. I just dont understand why she wants to be so lazy almost always and eat sooo much.

I'm out of ideas. She's mid 30s and eats like a high school boy. Well, maybe a college freshman.

Anyone have ideas?


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

How long have you been married? 
Was she working out and trying to be fit at any point in time?
Any idea if something triggered this behavior?
How much did she gain and in how much time?


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Depression is hard to deal with. Once it gets under control, it might be easier for her to be motivated to do things like exercise and get off the couch. How long has she been depressed? Is her treatment working or not working? Maybe you guys need to have a frank talk about how to fix the other problems in your lives and it will help lead to fixing this issue, too? 

Serious depression can be pretty debilitating. Imagine if you felt so fatigued and lacking in energy that getting out of bed and brushing your teeth felt like an accomplishment. In that situation, you can see that there's a lot of lag keeping a person from actively moving forward to make change because just trying to get through the day can feel nearly impossible, much less trying to do more. Consider this....you're living paycheck to paycheck and consistently coming up short and the bills are piling up and a huge deficit develops; someone you care about a great deal, who seems to be making ends meet and setting some aside each day too, doesn't understand why you aren't saving to buy a bigger better house. How do you explain to them that you just can't afford it, in a way that they might understand? Asking a deeply depressed person to make life changes is difficult because that person often doesn't even have the energy to get through a day much less invest in the next one. 

Your best bet is helping her beat her depression. It's better for her health and your family's and it might lead to positive changes in her life, like weight loss. But, you can't just treat the symptom (out of control weight) while ignoring the source of it (depression and avoidance of other life problems).


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

eowyn said:


> Any idea if something triggered this behavior?


:iagree: that looking deeper into her depression, when it started and why might be the best place to start. Is she in counseling at all or just taking meds for the depression? Some of those meds can cause weight gain as well, but I am not familiar with which ones...just had a friend who was always thin/athletic and gained a lot of weight when she went on meds for depression/anxiety.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Meds for depression can also cause weight gain.

A friend of mine started a new one and gained 40 pounds in about 4 months!


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Get any and all physical causes ruled out.

As a teen I was active and a single digit size. Then in college I began to gain. Attributed it to constant studying (with my hand in a Cheetos bag and frequent trips to fast food joints.) After college, lost it due to 3x weekly aerobics. 

Didn't gain again til after 1st kid and couldn't stop. For years I was always hungry, just seeing STBXH eat after dinner snacks (he packed on it too) made me want to eat as well.

Finally in 2009 a brain tumor was discovered, sitting behind my right ear and beginning to press on the stem. Once it was removed, I started losing the weight and appetite to the point that my DS made the remark "Mom, eat something or you'll turn into a popsicle stick!"

Keep in mind that the Dr never said the tumor was the cause of the wgt gain, but it did affect a lot of things. This is only what happened to me, seem to always be the exception to the rule. 
I mean how many women can lose 15 lbs in the 1st trimester of their pregnancy, but that's a whole 'nother story there.

Just rule out physical causes.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

dave773 said:


> No help. I just dont understand why she wants to be so lazy almost always and eat sooo much.
> 
> Geez. Why do I think she's heard that come out of your mouth, too.
> Most people who put on that kind of weight are emotional eaters. She may be trying to fill a need that is not being met any other way.
> I really hope you are more sensitive than this post suggests.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

This is such a touchy subject. The only way she will lose the weight is for herself. Exercise and eating right is a must.

I've put on a few pounds since I broke my neck 4 years ago. I was running 36 miles a week and racing in triathlons. Exercise was a very big passion in my life. I still have the motivation, but I can barely walk due to my neck injury. I thank God I still can walk! I now bike everyday. It's not a cardio workout, but it's better then nothing. I think biking keeps me from going into a depression along with the support of my husband. He's a super triathlete that races in ironmans!

Not once has he mentioned my untoned and unfit body. He still thinks I'm sexy even with my weight gain. I do eat healthy with an occasional square of Hershey's chocolate or s'more that's right from the bonfire. I'm having a tough time losing this weight. Biking the way I am is not sufficient enough to lose this weight. I've cut back my portions and I do not snack or eat junk food other then small bits of chocolate here and there.

I'd be crushed if my husband ever mentioned my weight gain. I know it's there and I am self conscious about it. I'm not overweight by BMI charts, but I'm not nearly as thin as I once was.

I'll keep doing what I'm doing and maybe the biking will help. I rest most the day. I keep up on the housework, cooking and animal care at our home.


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## BearMoose22 (Apr 13, 2012)

I agree with Cherokee, make sure there is no underlying issue. A malfunctioning thyroid is a common cause for serious depression. I also had a brain tumor which caused weight gain, depression, thyroid shutdown. I went from being solid muscle to 100 pounds overweight in a very short period of time. I was devastated because I had little control over the situation. It took the specialists a ridiculas amount of time to diagnose my illness. I hated what I had become and couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. For 2 years I lived in hell and my poor husband resided there with me. He never said a negative word about my physical changes. I have since lost weight but am not as thin as I was before. I have to work very hard to keep it down due to ongoing thyroid issues. My husband is my biggest supporter in all of this. I hope you can stay strong and be there for her, encourage her to have a full work up done to rule out medical issues. As far as anti depression meds go, I would suggest cymbalta, it did wonders for me with no weight gain. Good luck to you and your wife
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> This is such a touchy subject. The only way she will lose the weight is for herself. Exercise and eating right is a must.


Which we all know she won't do so.....

OP,

I would consider your options. 

In the end, your wife is choosing being overweight and lazy over being with you.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So - given that there's no actual sizes posted here, I'm really curious about what OP's definition of a "larger frame to begin with is." Like - she was a 14 and is now a 24? 

I really don't think encouraging your children to disrespect their mother, and you and they have group conversations about your wife's weight is really going to help the situation. Do you want to teach your children than the only thing to marriage is how your partner looks? 

Also - you mention you have children. Can I take a wild guess that the weight gain started after she had the children? 

Did she perhaps - leave a career and is now a SAHM? And - what did she do before that? Was it more physical? Is she on antidepressants and perhaps also birth control? That can be a double whammy as far as weight gain goes. 

Also - all of the things you list are great but, they might mean absolutely nothing if they are offered in the wrong spirit. Which apparently is - that she should stop eating and stop being "lazy and fat." I'm sure that's really going to help her depression too. And - you credit yourself with being "emotional available" - but, sorry to say, your post doesn't really come across that way. 

What you should be most concerned about is what is mentally and perhaps physically affecting your wife to cause these changes. You should be encouraging her to seek medical and if needed, additional psychiatric assistance with her depression.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Just realize, once you tell her anything about her weight, especially about your attraction to her, those words can NEVER be taken back. They will haunt her forever...probably worsening your marital issues.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

^^But if you can't discuss your true feelings with your spouse, then what kind of relationship is that?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

True feelings can be compassionate.

No need to say, "I just don't like how you look. You're fat and it's a turn off."

I mean, you can say that, but then she'll just get thin out of spite and not want you anymore anyway


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

And it's deeper than that, That Girl, because the indication is that the kids are being dragged into it, and encouraged or at least not discouraged to talk to her that way too. 

And - that's just not alright.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> True feelings can be compassionate.
> 
> No need to say, "I just don't like how you look. You're fat and it's a turn off."
> 
> I mean, you can say that, but then she'll just get thin out of spite and not want you anymore anyway


Which is why I told him to dump her.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Your wife has a hole inside of her that she is trying to fill with food. She has to find another way to satisfy her longings for comfort and satisfaction.

Did something happen to her when she was young that made her feel inadequate? If you can get to the root of that, perhaps she can begin to make progress against this insatiable longing for comfort.

She also needs to believe that she can lose weight. As long as she thinks it is too hard, she will resist any effort to make it happen.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

dave773 said:


> Me doing tons of housework.
> Me encouraging her to exercise.
> Me taking care of the kids.
> Me taking her out.
> ...


In other words, you are the PERFECT MAN! 
How come she doesn't realise it and make an effort to lose pounds [first of all for her own well-being and then for you].
?


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

Some depression meds can increase your appetite. My husband had to switch because he couldn't stop eating!


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## ruger (Apr 20, 2012)

Being someone that married a lady who was 300+ at the time of our marriage, I can honestly say that the weight does not make the woman. 
I married a woman who thought at the time she was the 'ugly duckling' and nobody would love her due to her weight/size. However, I did NOT marry the size, and or, weight. I married the woman who stimulated me with her mind, attitude and presence.
I'm a firm believer that the size does NOT make the person! What stimulates you about the person makes the biggest difference. Society's definition about 'size being the true measure being important be dammed!!!'


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

This problem is a common one and something some people feel they can't say to their spouse or shouldn't. We all get older and some of us put on weight or don't look the same as when we first met. If your spouse gains a lot of weight to the point where you are worried about their health, motivation and yes, for more selfish reasons your attraction to them, then it should be something that can be discussed.

It's all about tact. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. And ok past that point, then what? They know how you feel, and chances are they know they're overweight. Losing weight is a big deal. It's hard work, changing your diet, working out. It requires a lifestyle change and commitment. And who is the only one who can do that? Your spouse. To the OP, she is the only one who can decide she wants to change. She has to want to do it and has to find the reasons inside herself why so she has the motivation. If you've exhausted all avenues from your side, then that's all you can do. You can either leave if you're unhappy, or help her to find herself. Some IC, a nutritionist, whatever she needs. That's all YOU can do. Is to support her and encourage her, but not sit on top of her with negative comments or badger her everyday.

Physical attraction is a part of the reason we fall in love with our partners (for the most part). Growing old, looks changing, spouse's who may have had illnesses or accidents and their looks are different now from the outcomes - these things are out of their control and the love or attraction is always still generally there. Weight gain (in extreme cases), I found from talking to others, is an issue for two reasons. A) the attraction fades and B) It's something they could most likely do something about if they wanted to.

I think spouse's shouldn't be jumped on if they feel the way the OP does. He's not perfect, he still sounds like he loves her, he's just speaking up about how he feels. It's better that he talks to her about it, than says nothing and builds resentment for years then just walks away or finds the attraction elsewhere.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Just realize, once you tell her anything about her weight, especially about your attraction to her, those words can NEVER be taken back. They will haunt her forever...probably worsening your marital issues.


 This is soooo true. After gaining about 30 lbs with my first child...and which didn't all come off the day she was born my husband made the remark that now he was married to a fat slob. Those words sabotaged the efforts I was making to lose the weight, and I started eating everytime I was upset and soon that 30 lbs. turned into 60 lbs. His verbal abuse got worse and it had the snowball effect on me. It got to the point where even when he was being "nice" and expressed an interest in sex, my self esteem had taken a hit, and I had no interest in letting him see me naked, let alone could I get over the hurtful words and feel any desire to be with him. This type of attitude was a small part of what ended our marriage and now the pounds have come off because I no longer have that trigger to eat. If only he had been a different man at the time and encouraged me rather than bring me down. I'm remarried, happy and almost at the weight I was 30 years ago. He is now with a woman who weighs 75 lbs. more than I ever did...explain that one to me LOL.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

I see it as emotional blackmail. 

You cant say anything even if it really bothers you, because you saying something means that person is just gonna do it even more.

And let's be real, you can be very compassionate, real and scientific about it. Weight gain/loss is just an equation. But that other person will only hear being called fat.

I went down this road before with an ex. It's like dealing with somebody with an addiction, who gets upset at any mention of their problem and Then indulges in it more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Before posting a big thing about depression, I'll say what everyone else said and look for underlying causes. I've actually met quite a few people who have low thyroid function. Any gland or hormone problem will screw up the entire system. Low estrogen, low testosterone, low blood sugar, low iron, lack of sleep, lack of B vitamins, etc. Any piece missing from the system will mess up the entire system. Antidepressants are great, but you should still look for underlying causes. For me, I think sleep quality is one of the major causes of my psychological problems. I just don't feel tired at night, so I don't sleep well without drugs. Some people have obstructive sleep apnea. Some people sleep next to someone who snores. Some people sleep next to someone who moves around a lot in their sleep.
I'm really glad me and the gf sleep in separate rooms. I'm a night person and she is a day person. She always wakes up before me, I always go to bed after her. I like hot, she likes cold. We would be at each others throats if we had to sleep in the same room because we would both be sleep deprived.








dave773 said:


> Yes, depression -- we're medicating that. No help. I just dont understand why she wants to be so lazy almost always and eat sooo much.


She might be on the wrong medication. The drug I take for sleep is an old school tetracyclic antidepressant, and the main side effect is that food is amazing. I could eat all day. It's that good.

With 10 minutes of reading and a little common sense, you can correctly figure out which drug your wife should be taking. From there, you simply suggest that to the psychiatrist at the next appointment. My psychiatrist is a great guy; I told him which drugs I wanted to try, and he discussed it with me before giving me those drugs. Assuming your wife doesn't have brain damage, fixing her brain is really as simple as knowing the difference between engine oil, brake fluid, and gasoline. As long as you can identify what you're dealing with, you can fill up whichever one is low.

Neurotransmitters to remember:
1. dopamine
2. noradrenaline
3. serotonin

Those 3 are the equivalent of engine oil, brake fluid, and gasoline. You need all of them. You can't fill the car up with brake fluid whenever gasoline is not available.

Dopamine - motivation to do things
Try to keep in mind that neurotransmitters do not only exist in your brain. They're everywhere and they're just as important as having oxygen and sugar in your blood. Dopamine's psychological effects and functions are:
-used for logic, spacial awareness, math, working memory, sense of direction
-used to understand reward, punishment, and risk assessment
-used for motivation, sex drive, sense of adventure
Dopamine depression can present itself by affecting one of the things listed above. For me, dopamine depression killed all motivation to do anything. I just want to run away from problems instead of tackling them. With low dopamine, I look at a room of clutter and say "I really don't want to clean this" even though I have lots of time to do it and I have more than enough energy to do it. When I had no job, I would push things off. I'll do it tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow. Repeat that over and over again. That total laziness and apathy is low dopamine. Low dopamine is arguably the most self destructive form of depression. Living in the north with no job and nowhere to live means freezing to death in the cold. Even that threat of dying is meaningless when a person has low dopamine because dopamine is what tells you that death is bad and you should be trying to avoid it. Job? I don't need a job. I might die homeless? Eh, that's not so bad.


Noradrenaline - energy to do things
You already know what adrenaline is. Noradrenaline is related to that. You can almost think of noradrenaline as being dopamine's brother. It does a lot of things that are seemingly related to dopamine. Noradrenaline is used for:
-"fight or flight" related behaviors
-decision making
-focused attention
-mental alertness and feeling awake
-physical alertness; feeling pumped up and ready to go
Noradrenaline depression can be described as general tiredness and indecisiveness. I _want_ to clean this messy room, but I can't because I'm tired. I want to buy groceries, but I'm too tired. I want to eat something but I don't know what. 


Serotonin - complacency with the way things are
Do you ever notice how some people seem really chilled out all the time? They're late for work, but they go with the flow and don't complain about it. Their kid does something bad, so they calmly punish the kid and life goes on. That's serotonin. A person with high serotonin is very agreeable and easy going. Serotonin keeps you calm and cool so you can deal with things in an effective manner. Low serotonin puts people on edge. A person with high serotonin and high noradrenaline will feel pumped up but calm and cool; that feels great. A person with high noradrenaline and low serotonin will feel very uneasy, nervous, anxious, tense. I have anxiety problems, and serotonin drugs make a huge difference. 
Serotonin _depression_ is a strange animal that I have only felt as a result of drug withdrawal. In a word, it feels very lonely. I could be in a crowd full of my closest friends and family and I would still feel alone. When serotonin is low, nothing seems sincere. That guy telling you to have a nice day? He's actually saying that ironically. He doesn't want you to have a nice day; he's making fun of you. That smug jerk; you should punch him in the face for telling you to have a nice day. Then your husband or wife makes some comment about how great it would be to get in shape. IS THAT BECAUSE YOU DONT LOVE ME THE WAY I AM??!?!?!


That's your brain in a nutshell. The medications I'm taking are:
bupropion for energy and motivation (dopamine and noradrenaline drug)
citalopram for anxiety (serotonin)
mirtazapine for sleep (blocks noradrenaline and serotonin because thos both can cause insomia)

I feel great right now. Hopefully your wife can feel great too.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

ruger said:


> Being someone that married a lady who was 300+ at the time of our marriage, I can honestly say that the weight does not make the woman.
> I married a woman who thought at the time she was the 'ugly duckling' and nobody would love her due to her weight/size. However, I did NOT marry the size, and or, weight. I married the woman who stimulated me with her mind, attitude and presence.
> I'm a firm believer that the size does NOT make the person! What stimulates you about the person makes the biggest difference. Society's definition about 'size being the true measure being important be dammed!!!'


Society has very little to do with sexual attraction.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Society has very little to do with sexual attraction.


Old black people would disagree.
I can't really speak from experience. I'm not old nor am I black, but an old black woman said this. When she was growing up, this craze about black girls and big booties didn't exist. Focusing all attention on the butt is a completely new thing, and most of it started with the age of hip hop music. Before that, it was all about the hair.










Attractiveness changes a lot with time. There was a time when having pale skin was considered attractive. Why? Because women who were wealthy didn't need to go outside and work in the sun. That means peasant women were very dark skinned, and the nobility would have very light skin. You could tell what economic class someone was just by looking at their skin. There was also a time when being chubby was attractive. Most people were skin and bones just trying to survive, so being a bit plump meant you were really special. Think of it like being the guy driving a BMW 7, except the BMW is your gut. This is why we still have fashions that make people look fatter than they really are. Vertical stripes are slimming, but horizontal stripes make you look fatter. Why would you want to look fatter? Because that was attractive at the time. 
There was also a time when small boobs were favoured over large boobs. Right now, large boobs seem to be in style. I would guess that this will soon change as the population becomes more obese. Smaller boobs will be more of a rarity, and therefore valuable. I think green eyes are sexy as hell, and it's probably because green eyes are quite rare. 

********* guys refer to this at the "pea**** effect." Anything that draws attention to yourself and shows that you are different is sexy. If most people are skinny and you're a bit thicker, that's a good thing. If most people have brown eyes and you have green eyes, that too is a good thing.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

^ what is this craze about black girls and big booties?

I disagree that society defines what is attractive.

Healthy good looks has always been attractive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> ^ what is this craze about black girls and big booties?
> 
> I disagree that society defines what is attractive.
> 
> ...


That's correct. Across millennia, continents and cultures the universal physical attractor is a .7 or less hip to waist ratio on a woman. The only outlier is China at .8.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Just realize, once you tell her anything about her weight, especially about your attraction to her, those words can NEVER be taken back. They will haunt her forever...probably worsening your marital issues.


Truer words have never been spoken (or in this case, typed). Women know when they are overweight and feel deep shame. Some go into denial or wear really baggy clothes to hide. Once you put her down or mention her weight, every good compliment you have ever said to her will be over shadowed by just ONE weight complaint. 

Sorry Charlie, but that is the way some women are. ME INCLUDED. And saying to someone that you are worried about their HEALTH doesn't cut it. We know what you really mean. 

Depression is real and it is awful. Gaining weight when you are used to being in shape is terrible. Watching the person you love's eyes not sparkle for you anymore because you are not thin is catastrophically horrible. We know fat is ugly, we know we are not supermodels. Dieting and starvation is like living death. Each and every person needs to work this out in their own mind to make themselves better. You cannot do it for them. 

It is an evil cycle, and when you get caught up in it, you feel you are never going to be free and happy again. You start to hide, even from yourself. You don't need to scare her by alluding to the fact that you might cheat because she is fat. She already knows this. And that just makes her more depressed.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Here is an idea... purchase some Xenedrin ultra pills and drink mix.... then set it on the counter. If she asks about it just say... "well my metabolism is a bit slow and this stuff is suppose to increase it so ima give it a try." Then just pour like one of the drink mixes in some water, drink it then wander off to do something else. It may peak her interest and the awesome thing about that is to take it it requires you to eat three meals a day (for the pills) and suggest you eat snacks in between. You don't have to exercise but eventually... following the instructions you tend to regain energy TO do stuff and that's how you end up losing the weight... (have taken it and had lost 26 lbs in 3 weeks and at the time i hadn't been able to exercise much mainly due to back and hip pain but it did help)


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Here is an idea... purchase some Xenedrin ultra pills and drink mix.... then set it on the counter. If she asks about it just say... "well my metabolism is a bit slow and this stuff is suppose to increase it so ima give it a try." Then just pour like one of the drink mixes in some water, drink it then wander off to do something else. It may peak her interest and the awesome thing about that is to take it it requires you to eat three meals a day (for the pills) and suggest you eat snacks in between. You don't have to exercise but eventually... following the instructions you tend to regain energy TO do stuff and that's how you end up losing the weight... (have taken it and had lost 26 lbs in 3 weeks and at the time i hadn't been able to exercise much mainly due to back and hip pain but it did help)


Gaia, I have always been loathe to take any enhancing supplements believing them to be either bull crap or just caffeine pills (I cannot have caffeine). So that Zenadrin works?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

For me it did.. hubby even checked the ingredients, researched it and took the pill apart to inspect it before allowing me to try it. All it does is help in increasing your metabolism and the directions help with putting one back on a healthy diet. For me.. I was only eating a meal (pretty large in portion every day or two so that didn't help with my weight.) When taking these i was reminded to eat THREE times a day and therefore have smaller portions since it recommended certain amount of calories and such.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

One thing I did learn was to eat REGULAR food with this pill... not other diet food... because if i ate diet food (Such as a slim fast or special k bar instead of a meal) with it.. it would give me the shakes and such...


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

And no it's not meant to curb your appetite or anything.. it just aids in increasing metabolism and energy.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Cytogenix™ Xenadrine® ULTRA™ - CYTOGENIX 1011124 - GNC There is the ingredients and other info.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

ShawnD said:


> Old black people would disagree.
> I can't really speak from experience. I'm not old nor am I black, but an old black woman said this. When she was growing up, this craze about black girls and big booties didn't exist. Focusing all attention on the butt is a completely new thing, and most of it started with the age of hip hop music. Before that, it was all about the hair.
> 
> 
> ...




Not so sure about this. Men have liked women with curves throughout history. Society has changed and so have societies expectations for acceptable physical appearance but on average men and women are attracted to the sames features they've been attracted to for the last 10,000 years. Evolution takes a long time. I'm pretty sure there haven't been too many female "sex symbols" that look like boys. However, 3 rolls of fat around your waist cannot be considered curves. Women who were considered "pretty" used to be a little plumper on average but they usually retained an hour glass figure. I see so many young women with protruding bellies now it obvious that our fast food - corn syrup based diet is having a huge affect on our bodies.


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