# Anyone Ever Been Married to a Narcisist?



## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

I know the word Narcissist gets thrown around a lot and can be overused. But has anyone really experienced it first hand? If so, what traits do you see? I've been reading about Covert Narcissism in particular.


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## cp3o (Jun 2, 2018)

My XW's behaviour, together with that of the family members leaves no alternative, in my mind, to a diagnosis of psychopathy.

All psychopaths, by definition, are narcissists (but not the reverse). XW appears to be a Grandiose Narcissist - not only does everything have to be about her - it has to present her as a special/superior person. 

So the lies didn't start with "I was asked to" but "Because I'm seen as a reliable, experienced, competent senior member of staff I was asked to". Lies were always justified either because she was being a wonderful friend/colleague etc.. by lying (protecting others) or by blaming others in the most ridiculous ways for leaving her no choice in the matter. (Rather like the convicted rapist who blamed his victim for his incarceration because she could have said "yes" rather than "no". "_The Psychopath Whisperer"_

She seemed mainly driven by a need to compete with other women - either she would do the same as they were doing "My colleague picked up a member of the crew the second night of the cruise so I had to have one as well" or where parity was not possible (looks/intelligence/style etc. etc.) having sex with the woman's husband, partner or sidepiece since that, in her eyes, gained revenge. 

I am unaware of any emotional attachment to her paramours - they were simply a means to an end - other than the one who so played her that she not only tolerated rape and servicing his mate(s?) but, a few months after he dumped her, went back for more; not, IMO because she wanted him - but because she planned to dump him - therefore getting revenge for his finishing with her earlier. Started the usual way though - his wife, her best friend, was universally regarded as gorgeous whilst the other two women in the town that he was "seeing" were, like my XW, generously "plain".


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## Mystic Moon (6 mo ago)

Yes. I divorced him.


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## Savannah01 (Sep 8, 2021)

When it’s all about THEM and less about anyone else , it’s usually a major red flag , while most show off as “ confidence” , it can quickly turn ugly just like that ! Best beware , most of us are married to one lol


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

SCDad01 said:


> *I know the word Narcissist gets thrown around a lot and can be overused. *


LOL....ain't *that* the truth?

Just about every single poster on every single message board uses this monotonous phrase if their spouse has done them wrong, and it's SO overused at this point I just roll my eyes when I see it.

The actual number of DIAGNOSED Narcissists is actually pretty low.

No, I've never dealt with an actual Narcissist but I've dealt with PLENTY of garden variety selfish ass-holes in my life.


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## cp3o (Jun 2, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL....ain't *that* the truth?
> 
> Just about every single poster on every single message board uses this monotonous phrase if their spouse has done them wrong, and it's SO overused at this point I just roll my eyes when I see it.
> 
> ...


In 2008 under the DSM-IV, lifetime prevalence of NPD was estimated to be 6.2%, with 7.7% for men and 4.8% for women,[65] with a 2015 study confirming the gender difference. _





Narcissistic personality disorder - Wikipedia







en.wikipedia.org




_


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I've never been married to one, but I've dealt with one or two people professionally who I think would be diagnosable. However, I am not a psychiatrist, so (in the UK) I can't make a diagnosis. 

Lesser levels of narcissism (below the level of NPD) are not unusual.


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