# Strike 1...shot down



## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

My wife and I had sex once this past 3 months. It was mostly due to circumstances beyond our control but I don't think it affected every day. But it apparently did. So everything is back to normal, or so it seems, and last night I tried to make a move in bed and slam! shot down! She wasn't mad or anything but 'no' was her response. She went on to sleep...but not me.

This morning everything seemed fine to her. But not to me. Rejection really sucks and I am STARVED for affection. It is eating me up.

So tonight I am trying again. And I will try until something gives, which will likely be me expressing my frustration and her crying unfortunately.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Strike 2 idea:

First you need to bring her out for a candle light dinner at a fancy restaurant (considered as foreplay)

Then you need to pop her a surprise- a gift.

You must be supportive & responsive & listening with lots of compliments before going to bed.

She would response you twice as much as you do passionately!

You don't make her feel she's special & beautiful, why would she get naked with you?


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

Breaking down and bawling is just not sexy....sorry. 

I agree setting the tone is very important. But if it doesn't work, talking and passionately expressing your desire for her is a better route then acting like a child.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

MsLonely said:


> Strike 2 idea:
> 
> First you need to bring her out for a candle light dinner at a fancy restaurant (considered as foreplay)
> 
> ...


We hold hands when we are out, hug, say we love each other, go on little dates, share laughs, etc. I often compliment her but it often falls on deaf ears.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Need more information. You basically say your sex life sucks but for good reason, like offering an excuse.

So when was your sex life robust and healthy, and when did it take a 
downturn and what are the circumstances?

Just FYI, there are several hundred threads talking about and addressing this issue in the Men's Clubhouse.

All due respect, but asking the ladies isn't going to help you solve your problem unless you believe that you aren't nice enough, romantic enough, or appreciative enough.

Odds are, it has plenty to do with your behavior and your spouse is responding to that behavior - but has little to do with romance.

Get input from both sides of the spectrum.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

Our sex life was really good prior marriage and moving in together. We've been married now for just a few short years. There were still improvements to be made and she acknowledged that prior marriage, mostly having to do with her being comfortable with herself and not being so self conscious.

But I should not have to wine and dine just to get a night of intimacy with my wife. We are not dating and I'm not just trying to get laid. I love her and want to be close to her in every way but she doesn't seem to want to or she would show it. To me its black and white. I don't disagree that wining and dining is not important but that should make for an extra special night.

And I'm not bawling lol I am trying to play this carefully. 

But when your spuse always goes to bed and faces away from you, facing the wall, with only a 'good night' and maybe a 'love you' thrown in there...what does that say? I will cuddle into her but it feels like I am cuddling into a large slim pillow.

I appreciate the replies and I'm not trying to be an *******...but its frustrating. I will check out the Men's Club though, thanks


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## Sierra61 (Feb 22, 2010)

I am a female and I completely disagree that taking your wife out to dinner, wining and dining her or doing endless chores will make her amorous. If you haven't had sex in 3 months and she rejects you, there are deeper issues in the marriage that need to be addressed.

Communicate with her. Tell her you need more affection, more sex and ask her specifically what is wrong. And then listen with an open heart. It could be she just has a very low libido. Many people (of both genders) suffer from this.


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

Hurra said:


> We are not dating and I'm not just trying to get laid.
> But when your spuse always goes to bed and faces away from you, facing the wall, with only a 'good night' and maybe a 'love you' thrown in there...what does that say?


Why ever would you stop dating? I always on our anniversary that I have been married to my boyfriend for " " years! I love feeling like we are still dating when we can.

Her facing away does say something is deeply wrong. So talk!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Hurra said:


> But when your spuse always goes to bed and faces away from you, facing the wall, with only a 'good night' and maybe a 'love you' thrown in there...what does that say?


What it says is;"I'm not sexually attracted you." It's pretty cut and dry. She probably thinks you're a great guy, but something is missing. Sex is seen as something she has to 'give' you, rather than something she desires to 'share' with you.

Bottom line? It doesn't get better without a serious realignment of your relationship dynamic.


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## Sierra61 (Feb 22, 2010)

Well said. That sums it up to a "T."


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

OK, I'm not saying something isn't wrong. But how do you cuddle and spoon in bed if one of you isn't facing away from the other? 

Isn't this a normally nice way to sleep with each other?

I admit we were talking a foiled attempt at sex here but couldn't the turning away be simply she wanted to sleep and not have sex rather than something deeper?

Feel free to set me straight...


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

And don't just wait until you are in bed to talk with her about what is going on...get to her before you are both in bed tired and even more frustrated.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Hurra said:


> We hold hands when we are out, hug, say we love each other, go on little dates, share laughs, etc. I often compliment her but it often falls on deaf ears.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry to hear that...

There's a reason that she rejected you when you looked obvious horny on your face.

You might want to look at my thread that reveals some secrets from women.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/17813-how-often-do-you-feel-horny-need-answers-women.html


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