# Advice for the wife of a longwinded genius?



## cozyaum (Oct 30, 2011)

We have been married for 4 yrs, living together for 6.

Hubby is a lot like the character Sheldon Cooper on the Big Bang sitcom. As a result, he has no friends at all and isn't really in a place to initiate socializing right now due to health issues. I'm all he's got. 

Being brilliant isn't easy as he's always inspired with great ideas or thoughts he needs to share & I find his conversations to sometimes be long-winded, repetitive or over-my-head (boring to me.) He also pontificates over people talking on TV -and it infuriates me. 

I have tried to gently communicate this to him & it isn't well received.

My problem is that hubby sees me thoroughly enjoying “lesser” conversations with others but with him I seem (am) bored & impatient. It really hurts his feelings. He feels rejected & hurt and its quite literally the only thing we ever argue about. We are otherwise quite happy but this one communication problem is a serious one in that my husband feels disrespected & unappreciated and dare say unloved in those moments. 

It makes him question how I view him or how I feel about him and if this doesn't get resolved I can see it becoming quite serious as right now he's feeling really rejected. Not to mention I find conversations with him to be rather boring a lot of the time and that isn't good either.:sleeping:

He is otherwise a wonderful husband and a fabulous person. Just too smart. :scratchhead:


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

cozyaum said:


> He is otherwise a wonderful husband and a fabulous person. Just too smart.


But not smart enough to realize he may need to be humble, graceful and have more patience?

Or, should I write "wise enough"?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Aren't you lucky, to be married to a genius!! LOL Do you have a "pause" button on your TV? If so, have a notepad handy and when he starts up, hit "pause" on the TV, pick up your pen and pad and stare at him in awe. Be sure to write down his brilliant mental meanderings. If he gets too long winded, you may raise your hand. Tell him you have an important question. When he lets you speak, tell him you were just wondering when you could get back to your TV show. I figure Mr. Wizard is bright enough that only a couple times of this tactic ought to square him away. 
Another option, you could suggest he start a blog so the masses wouldn't be denied the benefits of his enlightened musings.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

My husband has a little bit of this trait in him. I am an introvert, so I generally like him talking because we would run out of things to say if it were up to me. 

He loves to provide long explanations of physical phenomena, and I zone out after a few minutes.

The best thing I found was to point out this trait when someone else does it. He saw himself in my comments, and has since toned down the extent of his explanations. You will never completely rid him of this quality, so try to appreciate it in him.

Another tactic is to gently interrupt him and steer the conversation to another topic. He probably does not realize how much he likes to monopolize conversations.


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## cozyaum (Oct 30, 2011)

@ unbelievable in my *****ier moments I have acted sarcastic & condescending -it only makes things worse. not helpful at all


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## cozyaum (Oct 30, 2011)

@lovesherman great advice-thanks!


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## Taurus4 (Nov 1, 2011)

@cozyaum I joined because of your post. I am married to a long winded genius and feel your pain. Not only are we husband & wife, we are business partners...and IT SUCKS! Both of us hate it. For example, he has a new business idea, but it's my responsibility and job to market it. Yeah, he's a thinker, but I'm a do-er. I'll post more later.


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## cozyaum (Oct 30, 2011)

Taurus4 said:


> @cozyaum I joined because of your post. I am married to a long winded genius and feel your pain. Not only are we husband & wife, we are business partners...and IT SUCKS! Both of us hate it. For example, he has a new business idea, but it's my responsibility and job to market it. Yeah, he's a thinker, but I'm a do-er. I'll post more later.


I'm not alone!!!! Can't wait to hear more!!!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well, I have a genius IQ as well and my bipolar disorder certainly elevates my ego and feelings of superiority about my intelligence over the average joe, so in some ways I understand how your husband feels.

I've come to realize that people don't like a know it all and I've made a conscious effort not to correct people during conversation or wax poetic ethereal notions and ideas for long stretches. 

Your husband has a basic need of mental stimulation and is relying heavily on you to get it. I recommend that you get him puzzles of all sorts to do as it helps exercise his mind the way he wants. I do 2 Sunday crosswords each week (the Merle Regal one and the NY Times- I usually finish both in under an hour), play the expert Sudoku puzzles on my iphone, and always seek out challenges in games and such as an outlet.


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## tiredandout (Jun 1, 2011)

My husband shows some signs of this as well.

His mind is constantly working on several dilemmas, projects or ideas, and he needs to talk about them too. I am generally happy to discuss these with him, but lately as we have both spent a lot of time at home just with each other, I have also sometimes noticed my mind wants to drift away from the conversation — which he of course notices and feels ignored and rejected as well.

Sorry to say I haven't found any permanent solution to this yet. Some of it is, I guess, to just fully come to terms with this character of his (we also cant EVER watch a movie from start to finish, normally not even at one go because of all the thinking breaks he must take, this I have just had to accept.). I think a part of it is also to make sure I have enough time on my own, to exercise, meet my own friends and sometimes just let him know I need to be quiet for an hour to just sit at my computer. I have noticed that the more stress I have, my own unfinished things racing through my mind, the less I am able to take part in his meandering brain storming. So I need to figure out how I can take aside time for me to deal with my own projects, when he is not allowed to disturb me. And then to really teach myself to leave my own stress behind when that time is over, so I can be present and interested in what he is telling me.

I also agree though, that you can't be the *only* one your husband can talk to. I don't even dare to imagine the mass of ideas and brain energy my husband would have to unload on me if he didn't spend it also on working, studying, playing music or word games and talking to other friends of his. Maybe then try to figure out together how you could both also spend some time with some separate interests — for him to exercise his brain and for you to relax?


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Aren't you lucky, to be married to a genius!! LOL Do you have a "pause" button on your TV? If so, have a notepad handy and when he starts up, hit "pause" on the TV, pick up your pen and pad and stare at him in awe. Be sure to write down his brilliant mental meanderings. If he gets too long winded, you may raise your hand. Tell him you have an important question. When he lets you speak, tell him you were just wondering when you could get back to your TV show. I figure Mr. Wizard is bright enough that only a couple times of this tactic ought to square him away.
> Another option, you could suggest he start a blog so the masses wouldn't be denied the benefits of his enlightened musings.


Now that's good stuff.


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