# Not sure if abuse or not



## sweetpeaflower (Sep 23, 2010)

I am so confused. I am in a relationship that I hate sometimes, and feel trapped. Many times I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I am a professional business owner, who runs a business with my husband. We fight on a regular basis, and it is really bad. I have never been subjected to the yelling, intimidation and fear until I married him 13 yrs ago. I keep hoping that it will get better, and he was willing to go to counseling previously, but now he just says "no, it doesn't work". I have trust issues from the past from him lieing repeatedly to me. We can't seem to communicate like normal couples. He scares me. So I hold things in until I finally blow up. We end up having a huge fight, with yelling and he won't let me leave when I try. He'll block the doorway, and then when I try to get past, he threatens "Don't you hit me", like he will hit me back when I try to pass by him. It was about 8 years ago that he did hit me in the face after I slapped him, trying to get away from him. He left a bruise. I told him then that if he ever hit me again, I was gone. He hasn't hit me again, but I am still fearful that he will. We go along well for awhile, and I become hopeful that things are going better, but then we have a disagreement, and I become afraid again. And possibly depressed. He held me down one time on the bed, and yelled at my face about 2 inches away, and then got mad when I struggled to get away and tried biting him. It's just nasty sometimes. I think I do love him, but I am always stressed from our business and from our relationship and I think it's starting to show in my health.
It's not like the bad abuses that you read about in the papers. There are sometimes a month or months that go by pretty easily, where I start to become hopeful that we are on the road to a good relationship. But then something else happens and it is all a setback. We haven't had sex for probably almost 2 yrs, because I can't stomach it. There are some days when I look forward to seeing him and others when I totally fear seeing him. I feel like I'm going crazy. I am a college educated business owner, and I feel totally unappreciated and worthless.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's not changing, he probably won't change....so you have to make a decision-- stay or go?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

sweetpeaflower said:


> I am so confused. I am in a relationship that I hate sometimes, and feel trapped. Many times I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I am a professional business owner, who runs a business with my husband. We fight on a regular basis, and it is really bad. I have never been subjected to the yelling, intimidation and fear until I married him 13 yrs ago. I keep hoping that it will get better, and he was willing to go to counseling previously, but now he just says "no, it doesn't work". I have trust issues from the past from him lieing repeatedly to me. We can't seem to communicate like normal couples. He scares me. So I hold things in until I finally blow up. We end up having a huge fight, with yelling and he won't let me leave when I try. He'll block the doorway, and then when I try to get past, he threatens "Don't you hit me", like he will hit me back when I try to pass by him. It was about 8 years ago that he did hit me in the face after I slapped him, trying to get away from him. He left a bruise. I told him then that if he ever hit me again, I was gone. He hasn't hit me again, but I am still fearful that he will. We go along well for awhile, and I become hopeful that things are going better, but then we have a disagreement, and I become afraid again. And possibly depressed. He held me down one time on the bed, and yelled at my face about 2 inches away, and then got mad when I struggled to get away and tried biting him. It's just nasty sometimes. I think I do love him, but I am always stressed from our business and from our relationship and I think it's starting to show in my health.
> It's not like the bad abuses that you read about in the papers. There are sometimes a month or months that go by pretty easily, where I start to become hopeful that we are on the road to a good relationship. But then something else happens and it is all a setback. We haven't had sex for probably almost 2 yrs, because I can't stomach it. There are some days when I look forward to seeing him and others when I totally fear seeing him. I feel like I'm going crazy. *I am a college educated business owner, and I feel totally unappreciated and worthless.*


Get counseling for yourself. But this really doesn't sound good. If you feel that way - as a person - as a whole - I don't understand why you wouldn't leave. Even when my marriage has been bad, I've been able to find some amount of pride and dignity through my career - or with friends.


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