# Struggling to cope



## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Hi All
*Together 15years
*Married 11 years
*2 Children under 10years
Where do I start?
Back In Feb 2015 I found proof that my Wife had been having a full on affair with some guy. She had this male friend that I havw never met, who was always there to listen and chat to, but they were only friends. I always said this guy was grooming her and soon he would be trying to get her into bed, she obviously didn't believe me. 9 months later I intercepted an email on her account, between her and a female friend, proving my fears that she had been bedding this guy.
Obviously I hit rock bottom. I asked her if she was having sex with this guy, which she denied, I showed her a copy of her email, which she couldn't get away from.
She broke down and admitted she had, but would not tell any details. She also said that it had recently finished as she wanted to sort our relationship out. 
We planned to see a marriage counseller, where we had 10 sessions. I thought we did well.. fast forward 10 months. 
We had our ups and downs over the past 10 months. 
The betrayed trust issue has made me paranoid, I had been watching every move. 
The fingerprint password on the mobile phone has still got me wondering and asking why (but she still will not disable it)
The constant text messages from female friends who need her.
Leaving the Family home with leather boots and sexy underwear (that I've never seen) in a bag, just to test if I'm checking up on her..
And being told I've got to sort my problems out was getting me down - surely trust cannot be built overnight so easily?
So Beginning of December I moved out!
Having Kids, we still need to see each other. 
Since moving out I've found out she's on a dating website - seems it's one for casual meets.
She's told me she has met a couple of people for coffee but didn't like them - shocking as we've only been separated for four weeks.
Her Facebook account has a few new male friends.
And her besties are two women, one who is married but on this dating website and the other one is a serial cheater herself.

So I've tried to be strong and I'm staying moved out. I've got rid of my facial hair - New year, New me.
I've started at a gym - trying to occupy my time and look good too.
And I've been popping to the house to do things with my Kids and spoiling them.

Now.... the problem is. Since moving out she woo's me into bed all the time, this didn't happen very often when I lived there as work, tired, whatever used to stop all that (my fault usually), but now we can't keep our hands off of each other.
Best it's ever been..... she somehow knows all of my deepest desires??

I will never trust her and she has become the kind of women I deteste. I want someone who loves me for me, likes the things I like and someone who I can laugh with. I DON'T WANT HER BACK!!!

Am I right in thinking she has me wrapped around her little finger and is abusing the love I once had for her?

I need to get away but it's so hard when we have two beautiful kids together

Help please

M

(Sorry for the lengthy message)


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Your WW wants to have her cake and eat it. The frantic sex is called hysterical bonding and usually happens when a marriage has gone through something so emotionally devastating. 
She is nor remorseful or sorry for what she has done to you, otherwise she could be bending over backwards to work on the marriage not signing up to a dating website. It appears she has no clue as to the damage she has caused.
STOP sleeping with her immediately, it will do you no good at all as you have to emotionally detach from her for your own sanity.
Institute the 180 immediately and try to have no contact with her unless for the kids, stick to short texts rather than phone calls. Do not let yourself be in a position to be seduced by her, she is not good for you.
Work on yourself, go to the gym etc.
Go see a lawyer and proceed with divorce. In time you will get past this and meet someone who is worthy of you. She may be the mother of your kids but that is all, she does not deserve you.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

aine said:


> Your WW wants to have her cake and eat it. The frantic sex is called hysterical bonding and usually happens when a marriage has gone through something so emotionally devastating.
> She is nor remorseful or sorry for what she has done to you, otherwise she could be bending over backwards to work on the marriage not signing up to a dating website. It appears she has no clue as to the damage she has caused.
> STOP sleeping with her immediately, it will do you no good at all as you have to emotionally detach from her for your own sanity.
> Institute the 180 immediately and try to have no contact with her unless for the kids, stick to short texts rather than phone calls. Do not let yourself be in a position to be seduced by her, she is not good for you.
> ...


File for divorce and get checked for STDS ASAP.


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

I try my best to focus on the hurt, this has helped but I feel I am being manipulated.
I am a caring person, I'm in a caring profession and it's my inner belief to give and help others. I do go to the house and do the DIY jobs that need doing... well I still have to pay half the mortgage. I give money for the kids every month as I need to know they will not go without.
The intamacy is great but I know it's wrong, it's not going to make the separation an easy task.
I have already deleted and shut down all social media accounts. I only have my phone and email for contact.
We don't often talk on the phone and I try and keep texts to minimum.
It's when I visit, I walk in to a hot cup of tea and we sit at the table and talk.
I've never been a hard man, I'm gentle
I've never been horrible, I'm tactful
It's hard for me to push someone away, even though it hurts me.
I need to find inner strength so I can break from what is eating me up from inside


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Stds... thankfully I'm clear. I have already been checked.
What is the 180?


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Dude going to be blunt.

So she's been banging another guy for x months, which magically finishes when you find out.. okay let's believe that for a second.

The second you move out she's on dating sites meeting other guys for "coffee" but she doesn't like them (which makes it ok)

I mean just the sheer disrespect and to top it all off, you're still sleeping with her despite knowing this? Your bed wasn't even cold and she was signing up to dating websites what does that say about you?

Moving out doesn't mean squat it just means she can take the laptop into the living room and browse her dating website matches freely without you having to look over her shoulder.

And the sex..it's not about you. In essence her affair could still be going on, she's told the bloke you've moved out and it's over but ironically she's now quasi cheating on him by sleeping with you!

First off disease pal. Stop sleeping with her because not only is she probably still sleeping with this guy, she's now going out with random dudes and possibly shagging them.

Again moving out doesn't mean squat. See a lawyer and file.

Have respect for yourself and stop being a doormat.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

MfromtheUK said:


> She had this male friend that I havw never met, who was always there to listen and chat to, but they were only friends.


I've always said when men and women are friends, one or both are thinking about f-ing. Oscar Wilde said it far more elegantly,

_"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."_

Quote, _"I will never trust her and she has become the kind of women I deteste. I want someone who loves me for me, likes the things I like and someone who I can laugh with. I DON'T WANT HER BACK!!!"_ 

---Why not keep her around for booty call until you find someone more suitable? With what she knows, fulfilling your deepest desires should be easy.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

MinUK,

You definitely found the right place... TAM. Spend a few hours reading "old" post here. You will learn more about your WW and affairs then months in some Shrinks office.

BTW, when a man catches his wife in an affair, they all say it's over or has finished. Mine couldn't say it directly because she was still at it, but damn if she didn't say... I was planning on ending it. Just more Cheater Script.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

She never stopped. It was in your face but you were being made a fool of. 

Going out to meet girlfriends in sexy boots and underwear, who called and "needed" her. Bull****! You are very nieve. She was going to meet up for a screw. If that was not a guy listed as a woman's name on her phone...it was a girlfriend who supports her screwing around...probably the married one on the dating site.

You just found the dating site, she has been on it. That's most likely where the calls were from...her fvckbuddies.

As long as you keep screwing this cum dumpster tramp you are exposing your self to the diseases she is coming in contact with from her play mates.

How many times do you think she beded you with other man's semen in her????? Did she let you do oral?


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

You came here knowing that we would recommend No Contact as your only option.

Whelp, it is.

It makes it tough having kids, but NO COMMUNICATION OUTSIDE OF KID-RELATED THINGS. You are only hurting the children.

And for the love of god, stop drinking tea with her.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

You need to stop sleeping with her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sadly, your wife was ALWAYS the kind of woman you detest. Though she hid it very well for a while.

Arrange for DNA analysis of your children. This is vital so if they have genetic conditions from their bio father.

Your wife has made a right dog's Dinner of your marriage.

She should not have got married and she should not have brought children into a relationship if she knew she couldn't be faithful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

MF,

You are still unable to move out of the "denial" stage. Unfortunately, this will go on until you do.
What married woman leaves the house dressed like you describe, goes on dating sites, and hangs out with two other married women who are also cheating.

The fact is she not only has no respect for you. She actually believes she can continue to do this because you have been too paralyzed to do anything that will show her any real consequences. you moving out only gave her more space to have fun.

So now you are in an open marriage with your wife not even denying she is dating other men ( for coffee dates, right???), and you are still there.

It is time to move to the ANGER phase, and see a solicitor immediately so you know your rights. You cannot control her, but you CAN control YOU, and your kid or kids is no excuse to put up with this behavior.

You are probably going to get the same advice from just about everyone here because this is not a case of you not knowing what she is doing. it is a case of you needing to act and stop putting up with it.

If for some reason she agrees to stop, and I doubt that will happen, then you can decide how you might possibly reconstruct your marriage. But right now, there is no incentive at all for her to stop because you are playing baby sitter while she plays.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You're almost in a kind of denial in thinking this is somehow going to get better without you making some hard decisions. Picture your closest male friend telling you this. What would you say to him? This is a limbo of your own choosing and you are there alone as your wife currently lives in a self centered universe.


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## Florida_rosbif (Oct 18, 2015)

Did you consider asking her to move out instead?


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Get a divorce, use a condom every time and DNA your kids.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

they've already said it numerous times, but it needs to be repeated until you completely get it.

STOP SLEEPING WITH THIS WOMAN!

do not do it one more time. i don't care how nice a guy or how caring you are or what profession.

she IS manipulating you and every time you fall for her act you are demeaning yourself and feeding her grotesque narcissism.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Graywolf2 said:


> Get a divorce, use a condom every time and DNA your kids.


The condom is for STDs and birth control. The DNA is because now you know what kind of women she is. If you can not emotionally detach from her then don't touch her. If you can then you might as well have some sex since you're paying half the mortgage.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Lots of people sleep with people whose characters they detest. It's one of the many mysteries of life. Chemistry, etc.

You would do very well to train your brain out of the chemistry. Once you detach from her, it will be much easier to do what you need to do, which is divorce a wife who is no longer marriage material (if she ever was.) I am one who would also argue that her cheating/alley cat mindset also makes her very poor mother material.

I second the suggestion to implement the 180. This is a tried and true behavioral therapy tool that will help you detach. Since you are living apart, it should be very doable. It requires serious discipline for a week or two, but after that you'll be surprised how much better you feel. We are creatures of habit, no? You can make emotional and sexual detachment from your WW a permanent habit.

The Healing Heart: The 180


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Everyone.... you are so bang on the truth, if I'm honest everything you are saying I know but you don't want to believe it.
What's the saying? "Love is blind"?

As I drove down the road today, on the way to see an old mate, I was thinking about divorce and how to get the papers. I pulled over and easily found them and downloaded then to my phone, as I was doing this "I want to break free" by Queen came on the radio and to be honest I'm not one who believes in coincidencences. So I'm suckling it up, growing a set and making the step to do what I should have done months ago.
Leopards don't chance their spots and I think the Mother of my Kids will always be this way... better off rid


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

It is pretty obvious that she continues to have sex with other men
that she meets on dating websites. Just because you were clear for
the STD test when you took it does not prevent you from getting one
if you have sex with her if she has had sex with other men after you took your test.
She is a player and does not have any respect for you or your relationship.

IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL?


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

They say you can see who a person really is once you put some distance between you. Now that you're moved out & only visiting, I would think she is showing you how she acts with men in general. Pay attention. She's showing you who she is now. So sorry you're going through this.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

ADVICE: dont leave the family home!

You will risky losing custody of your children.
Leaving the family home before the divorce is "abandonment of the children" or "attempt to abandon".

That is regardless even if you are paying the rent,water,food or even school.


It is important you go back to the family home.

Leaving the family home the courts will place higher financial burden on you for support.
You also risking losing a larger portion of the divided asset in a divorce.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

MfromtheUK said:


> Everyone.... you are so bang on the truth, if I'm honest everything you are saying I know but you don't want to believe it.
> What's the saying? "Love is blind"?
> 
> As I drove down the road today, on the way to see an old mate, I was thinking about divorce and how to get the papers. I pulled over and easily found them and downloaded then to my phone, as I was doing this "I want to break free" by Queen came on the radio and to be honest I'm not one who believes in coincidencences. So I'm suckling it up, growing a set and making the step to do what I should have done months ago.
> Leopards don't chance their spots and I think the Mother of my Kids will always be this way... better off rid


oi... put a hold on that divorce. go back to the family house live there for a month or two before processing the divorce.

or you will fall under abandonment of the family.
and the courts dont look to well on fathers who leave before the divorce.

do not ever process the divorce if your not in the family home.
you will stand a very high risk of loosing custody even as high as not ever seeing your kids again since you wont have a say on where they stay.

Its barely been a month since leaving the family home you can still salvage this. I suggest you go home for now and bare the unbearable being with you WW for a while. 
In case the courts ask you why you left the home dont every use the excuse your wife was having an affair
the best excuse would be that its December you can make this month was just a Christmas vacation.


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Abandonment of Family, is that UK as well as US?


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

MfromtheUK said:


> Abandonment of Family, is that UK as well as US?


Why Moving Out Is the Biggest Mistake in a Divorce*|*Joseph E. Cordell

Why Moving Out Could Be A Costly Mistake In Your Divorce

NEVER LEAVE THE FAMILY HOME! before the divorce is final.

but in your case its only been a month its still salvageable. so go back for now!

many UK single dads say the British courts unfairly treat fathers in custody cases.
most of them make the simply mistake of leaving the family home before the divorce.


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

On the fingerprint password, you can add additional fingerprints if she'll help you with the password. Something I've done for my iOS devices for my BW. 

Your W does not seem remotely remorseful. She's made a game out of it. You are doing the right thing in filing D. if she asks for R, you should have some non-negotiable conditions: NC, off the dating sites, full access to her devices, and full transparency. The toxic riyals have to go. 

You might try using Dr Phone or a similar program to recover deleted texts. 

Good luck, and stay strong!


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

You are in so deep at this point. You need to get back into the house, expose all her BS to the world and understand she is in the fog and she hates you. Of course she tells you about her dates. She loves hurting you. 

Read this for understanding what you are going though and how to judge her actions 

Things that every wayward spouse needs to know - LoveShack.org Community Forums

Accept every offer of sex is her holding on to you to hurt you more. What do you think really goes though her mind when she is 
[email protected] you? Make no mistake she is [email protected] with you heart and soul not loving you. 

Please clarify if there was an agreement on socializing ?


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

You might want to reach out to @MattMatt he lives in the UK and knows a few others.

GET BACK IN THE HOUSE !! Who is watching the kids when she is out for "coffee" ? Who else has she let into the home?


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

John .. we didn't socialise really, she dissapered after work and in between picking the kids up from school..
We socialised as a couple with other couples.
Like most we didn't get a lot of "us" time, but hey I'll learn from that one.
I've made my mind up today that it's over for good.
I've been played for far too long and I need to find me again.
Learn to love myself.

Stop being played like a fool and find my self respect again


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MfromtheUK said:


> Abandonment of Family, is that UK as well as US?


I think it probably is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Graywolf2 said:


> Get a divorce, use a condom every time and DNA your kids.


In the UK I believe it is illegal to have DNA tests on your children without the agreement of both parents.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

It is great you made a choice. Now how are you going to do it ? What will your post divorce life be like for you children? 

My first two piece of advise are don't tell her now, get back in the house.

Before telling her: 

Reach out to @MattMatt and other UK to get a sense of the terrain. 

See a lawyer with a written guide line on what you want your life to be post divorce. Tell him what custody arrangements you want. Do not accept "well this is the way it is always done." Screw that I want a lawyer that gets things done the way I want it done. Earn your money for once barrister. 

Vent here no were else. Every spoken word and action is viewed though the prism of how will this play out in court. 

Read the 180 Bandit has a great post half way down here http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...-does-not-know-if-she-wants-stay-married.html but remember Satya advice on execution: polite and diplomatic.

Finally expect the unexpected. MfromUK how do you has not filed and obtained a restraint order against you and just didn't tell you.
No way, that's not her you say ? Would she do it to an azzwipe she hates ? Read this http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...prepare-potential-divorce-custody-battle.html

While the actions I suggest are blunt and harsh, your words to her should be soft and regetful. "I am sorry it has come to this" I really think this will put both of us and our children in a better place.". I only want what's best for everyone". 

Remember often the best answer is no answer. Use "I am not sure how to respond to you, I what to be fair, please give me time to digest this" and walk away.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Get in to see a "solicitor" before you do anything she can use against you.

Then lower the boom and bring reality to her world.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

I'm glad so many others are already saying this, but it can't be said enough:

Don't divorce her yet
Get back in your family home
See an attorney
Be patient, stop having sex with her and get ready for a legal fight.

You can lose your kids by moving out. You need to move back in.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my friend.

All props to you. You did try to work on this marriage but it was for nothing. You went for MC but she was still not telling you the truth,keeping paswords from you and still be friends with this guy.

Now when you decide to move on with your life she goes out and find another guys. Also she went with toxic friends. One of them is serial cheater and the other one is married looking to cheat. If you know her husband let him know about it. 

Please dont sleep with her. You can find another one or worse,you have your hands my friend. 

Talk with lawyer and see your custody rights. Divorce her as soon as possible,becuase you deserve a better wife and best friend.

Pay only for your share of the house,you know what your law says to you. Also pay only for your kids,dont let her having a good time on your money.

Stay strong


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Be Smart.... Thank you
I know I've been a fool and let myself get duped, but I had to give the best I could to try and save my marriage. 
I've realised I lost respect for myself, but now it's my focus and I will be getting it back..


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

MfromtheUK said:


> Be Smart.... Thank you
> I know I've been a fool and let myself get duped, but I had to give the best I could to try and save my marriage.
> I've realised I lost respect for myself, but now it's my focus and I will be getting it back..



You are not a fool my friend.

You can name yourself other names,but fool not. Maybe a caring,good father because you did try and stay in this marriage. Or maybe a good husband who gave his wife everything he could,but she never cared about him and his feelings.

Please dont call yourself a fool or let anyone call you like that.

Stay strong my friend and best wishes to you.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

I think there has to be a year of separation in the UK for the D to happen.
Not positive, so please check.

Sorry for your troubles.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

UK is similiar to Australian Law. 1 year seperation. Visit a lawyer find out your rights and fight tooth and nail for everything you deserve.

Read up on the 180 and become that man.

Good to see that you are now looking out for you.


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Thank you everyone. Divorce papers in the UK can be served for 3 reasons 
#1 living apart for 2 years 
#2 unreasonable behaviour 
#3 Adultery....

It's been a hard day today and my feelings got the better of me, it's so much like grief but the person is still around. Probably needed the release rather than bottle it all up.

Refocus and step up again! 
Self respect and set some goals!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Go for adultery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

eastsouth2000 said:


> ADVICE: dont leave the family home!
> 
> You will risky losing custody of your children.
> Leaving the family home before the divorce is "abandonment of the children" or "attempt to abandon".
> ...


This is one of those things often tossed around on the internet that simply isn't true everywhere. 

For example, in many states/countries, you HAVE to be living in separate residences to be considered legally separated in preparation for divorce.

For abandonment to come into play in my home state, for instance, there would have to be no contact of any kind between spouses or parent and child for a minimum of 14 days. A text, call, email, snail mail letter, gift, postcard, etc. counts as contact.

Before moving back into the marital home and possibly setting yourself up to fail due to her manipulations, ask a lawyer how local laws apply in your case.

And, seriously, STOP HAVING SEX WITH YOUR STBX! I don't know the law in the UK, but in states here that allow at fault divorce and that take adultery into account, having sex with the adulterous spouse _after_ discovering the infidelity is seen as acceptance and forgiveness of same. Meaning, the adultery would no longer be a reason for at fault divorce. Again, check with an attorney in your area.

Besides, sex with the ex is like taking a shower and then putting on dirty underwear.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Having sex with the WS means that, legally speaking, you would have been deemed to have accepted the adulterous behaviour.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

MfromtheUK said:


> Thank you everyone. Divorce papers in the UK can be served for 3 reasons
> #1 living apart for 2 years
> #2 unreasonable behaviour
> #3 Adultery....
> ...


#1 is the best option.
may be a "separation agreement"

question though is your family renting or is the house yours?

it is important for you to talk to a lawyer about you case and get good legal advise.

your priorities would be to get at least 50% custody and get 50% of the assets.

UK is one of the most liberal when it comes to divorce. punishment to adultery there is almost next to non-existent.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> This is one of those things often tossed around on the internet that simply isn't true everywhere.
> 
> For example, in many states/countries, you HAVE to be living in separate residences to be considered legally separated in preparation for divorce.
> 
> ...


Problem in his case is if that the children are spending time in his new residence?

Are the couple having a parenting schedule since he is living outside the family home.

If he petitions for divorce now and the other spouse agrees there will be a 2 year waiting period then they would be officially divorced.

But again yeah he should talk to an attorney.

But I would suggest that he clearly states out his own desires of equal custody and separation of assets.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In the UK you can be living in the same home and still be able to file for divorce.

In fact after divorce you can still remain in the same home if you wish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

eastsouth2000 said:


> Problem in his case is if that the children are spending time in his new residence?
> 
> Are the couple having a parenting schedule since he is living outside the family home.
> 
> ...


Here, a parent leaving the home would simply go to the family court and file for visitation to get a temporary order in place until the couple are eligible to file for divorce.

Hopefully, he can do something similar where he is.

I thought int he UK if there was adultery the divorce went through sooner and two years was the standard divorce timeframe outside of special circumstances?


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Adultery is a quick route in the UK if you have not entered into sexual activity with your partner after the event, as this is seen as acceptance of the whole affair.
Sadly I let myself be manipulated by Wife and I cannot go down the adultery route.
Unless I get proof that this is still happening.

Which I expect it still is.

I got a message from her yesterday asking if I would like to have my Children whilst she goes on a course at work today?? Its a Saturday.... ? Initially I said yes but, now she has advised me that some guy she has met off of a dating site wants to pop and see her after the course and can my kids meet him?
Now what guy in his right mind is going to drive 180miles round trip at 1630 at night, just to pop and see a woman?
And wanting to meet my kids after only knowing my wife a month?

My gut is telling me that he obviously won't be driving home after his little visit and as I'm not in my marital home, I expect she will offer him to stay there..

I've decided to cut off my nose to spite my face and will decline to have my kids. I am also going to tell her that whilst I cannot tell her who she can or cannot see, I do not want this guy meeting my Children.
I will also tell her that if this guy steps one foot on my property or inside the house, I will stop paying the mortgage, put the house up for sale and fight her for full custody of my kids.. 
This in my opinion is not safe what she is thinking of doing, for all I know this guy could be a groomer or a paedophile.
Well her profile picture on the dating site was of my daughter and her..

Am I being unreasonable?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

No you are not!

Do everything you can to protect your kids!

Most kids are abused by their mother's boy friend....more then a family friend, more then a priest......even more then a family relative.

You sir are trusting your gut so please please please follow through for the safety of your kids!

Your old lady even asking'....... tells you she is even doubting her own judgement IMHO.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

MfromtheUK said:


> I will also tell her that if this guy steps one foot on my property or inside the house, I will stop paying the mortgage, put the house up for sale and fight her for full custody of my kids..
> 
> Am I being unreasonable?


I hope you did not text or emailed that message to her!

When communicating an aggressive statement like that to her do it by phone.
so she wont have a soft/hard/electronic copy of said conversion.

I suggest you chose your words wisely.

Must communicate with Affirmative Statements.
*Be careful with what you write or say this may cost you in custody.*

I believe its time for you to begin legal proceedings and initiate the divorce process.

also why wont you sell the house? why wont you kick her to the curb?
cant the children live with you?

you will be totally backstabbed by this situation.
the fact that you are living away from your children.

she will eventually have full custody.
custody will most likely be considered on which parent the kids spend most of their time with.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MfromtheUK said:


> Adultery is a quick route in the UK if you have not entered into sexual activity with your partner after the event, as this is seen as acceptance of the whole affair.
> Sadly I let myself be manipulated by Wife and I cannot go down the adultery route.
> Unless I get proof that this is still happening.
> 
> ...


Certainly not! In fact I would get your solicitor on this ASAP. Plus get your solicitor to start actions to protect your daughter now. See if a Saturday emergency appointment is available.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Thanks guys...
I've taken my kids from the house and have told her if this relationship is serious then In six months time I may let my kids meet him, but not yet.
She's changed the bed linen and the home smells fresh, shame really... I feel for the guy, if he is a keeper he'll have one hell of a "wrecking ball" he's just picked up.

My kids safety is paramount!

Yeah it cuts deep that some guy tonight will be in the home I pay half for and sleeping in my marital bed. Just wish the pain and hurt would subside.

I told her if she ignored me and had him in the house I would stop my payment, she replied by telling me I'm controlling and I would hear from her solicitor next week.

Kids thankfully were in my car and are none the wiser of what was said.

Couldn't get an emergency appointment with a solicitor today and I'm going onto nights at work tonight... don't really feel like going but I've got bills to pay.
My brain will be doing 900 miles an hour with what I know will be going on in my house...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Now to try this reply on my phone as my new tablet ran out of power. Still it was only 50 quid from Morrisons!

Where was I? Oh, yes. Some solicitors have child protection advice 7 days a week. 

Also check the home insurance. Many policies have legal action cover so that's worth checking if only to stop the ex from using it.

A man suddenly showing an interest in a woman with children to the extent of quickly moving in is a red flag for child protection officers so please check using Megan's Law. The 101 police line should be able to offer you some guidance on that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

You're paying a house that your wife is banging other men in?

Really? And note OP never addresses the moving out of the house.

Hmmm.. chain...yank..yank.

*note..he'll probably address it now*


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Ohh I am so sorry for you my friend. I know it hurts but hey,dont feel bad. You still have your kids,you are healthy and trust me on this one,you are going to make it.

It sucks right now,especially things your wife is doing and saying,but in another 6 months you will look back and thank God,your good friends or even TAM members that she is left behind. You will be OK I am 100% sure.

At this moment your wife is crazy,maybe she never was normal,but you can turn this to your advantage. 

Take time off work and talk with lawyer. I dont know much about UK laws but @MattMatt can help you. See your options about custody and home rights. See if you can put the house to sale and split it to 50-50 or anything. Just dont pay her to stay there and bring other man to your house.

You know this is not here first man she met at this dating site. She is going to do that a lot,sorry .

Spend your time with kids,good friends and dont fall into depresion. 

You never answered my question,did you expose her. I am saying this because she is going to talk bad things about you and you dont want that. Do it for your children sake,they will need dad in the future.

Stay strong my friend.


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Be Smart... both of my kids are under 10 so I'm being kind of sensible with them.
Wife is keeping things quiet and doesn't want anyone knowing.
I started out keeping it quiet as I felt guilty for it happening (don't ask me why)... now I'm slowly telling people I trust, but I would love to shout it to the world.

Did I expose her? Yes I did.. that gut instinct told me something wasn't right and I asked her outright many times but it was denied.
She broke down one night and told me she had a male friend and the guilt had got to her about having this friend without me knowing. I later hacked her email (12 months later) and found an email between her and a friend detailing all. So a week later I asked her if she had seen this guy again, she said no, so I showed her the email. Despite the lies and deceit I had to give the relationship my all for the sake of my kids. Sadly I had lost all trust.
We went to marriage guidance but she lied to them too as I have since found out she was still with this guy. I gave it my all for a further six months but couldnt do it. Since I walked out I've heard so much more from people in my local area, I could be up to 5 guys. She clearly has no respect for herself.

And this is what happens when you treat someone like a Princess and give them everything


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MfromtheUK said:


> Be Smart... both of my kids are under 10 so I'm being kind of sensible with them.
> Wife is keeping things quiet and doesn't want anyone knowing.
> I started out keeping it quiet as I felt guilty for it happening (don't ask me why)... now I'm slowly telling people I trust, but I would love to shout it to the world.
> 
> ...


Yeah! You thought you had this









But ended up with this


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I know what a lawyer here would tell you. 

As long as your name is on the mortgage, you're legally obligated to pay your share until a court order states otherwise. Generally, one spouse buys out the other or the home is ordered sold and proceeds divided. If you don't pay, it will reflect badly upon you in court and impact your credit rating.

We had a fellow here or on my other forum, can't remember, also from the UK. His wife moved her online lover from another country (that she'd never met in person til he came to stay) into the marital home within weeks of them separating. 

He called the police and they told him there wasn't anything they or child services could do unless the man misbehaved in some way or had a criminal record that would indicate he could be a danger to the kids.

It's the same here. As far as the courts here are concerned, when the kids are with her she decides who the kids are introduced to and you have the same privileges when the kids are with you. Legally, her even asking if you are ok with the kids meeting her "friend" is a courtesy.

That said, sometimes the court will add a "morals clause" to the separation/divorce agreement at the request of one or both parties. The "morals clause" typically states that no unrelated adults of the opposite sex are to stay over when the children are in residence. Meaning, she could have her "friend" visit and even stay from dawn til midnight, but he can't sleep over if the kids are home. 

As far as the friend himself, proceed with friendly caution. He may be a perfectly nice guy. He may also be a creeper. You're going to have to trust your wife's judgement the same way she will have to trust yours when you begin dating. It's not just men who abuse, you know. Women have been known to mentally, emotionally, verbally, and physically abuse their BF's kids.

Eventually, she'll find someone serious and have a LTR or even remarry. You'll want to have a cordial relationship with that man as he'll be a big part of your kids lives and he can also be your ally in raising them and dealing with your ex. Might as well get used to meeting and greeting your STBX's "friends".

My DH met the kids when we'd only been dating 6-7 weeks. With us, things moved fast. We quickly got to the point where we knew we had to move forward or end it. Commit or move on.

He didn't have kids, none of his friends had kids, and had never dated someone with kids. Mine were 6 and 1, still high maintenance. There was no way we could move forward if he couldn't handle the girls or didn't want to live with the obligations and limitations that come with having young children. 

There are legit reasons to want to meet the kids of the person you're dating sooner rather than later.


All that said, running a background check on someone your STBX is bringing around seems reasonable.


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## cgiles (Dec 10, 2014)

Did you read this : http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html ?

It can help you

I advice you to read this book : 7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

It will help you to get back your self respect. You can do this too : The 180 | AFFAIRCARE


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Your wife is going to end up unable to form a strong band with one man. At the very least she is going to have feel some real pain before she settles down again. She has got a taste for variety. It would be crazy to compete.

Move home. Get a solicitor.

By the way, the sex bombing was a means of distracting you from her goal – getting you out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Unless the sex was to stop any possibility of divorce on the grounds of adultery?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

You have not talked about selling the house or her buying you out of the house.

What is the income difference between you and ww?


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

She's a very clever and calculated cookie!
I do think the Sex was a way of trying to keep me away from the adultery route. ALso when I told her I was filing for divorce under Adultery she so no as she didn't want to involve anyone else. Unfortunately for her I have managed to locate the long term GF of the guy she's been having the main affair with. I'm sure she'll give me his details when I hand deliver all the emails and letters I have managed to locate.

I have said that we can either sell the family home or she can buy me out. She will never afford it on her finances alone.

I've been played but with the awesome advise from everyone on here, I feel empowered to be able to get through this now


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

You did great my friend.

I told you she was using sex to blind you. She thought if she give you a little you will let this behind you and you can just move on like it never happend.

You know why she went nuts and scared when you told her about filling under adultery ? 

She dont want to let people know about her. She is this good mother and wife and it is nice picture to the world.

About house-I couldnt do it better myself. Nice way to let her know you are moving on with your life. You deserve better.

Stay strong and keep us updated.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In the UK once you have challenged a spouse about their affair should you have sex with your spouse afterward you would legally be deemed as having accepted their affair and thus unable to use adultery as the basis for divorce.

If she did this she might have been coached by a skilled adulterer.

Check this is still the case as laws can change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

MattMatt that is indeed the case in the UK, but I am almost sure that the first guy thing is also still happening... so I'm in the clear on that one ;-)

Picking up a VAR tomorrow to start bolstering my "ammunition" and having the Concept 180 stored in my phone and reading it over and over, I think I can keep up the facade long enough to fool her.

She has been like a different woman since I told her how it was going to be. She has been communicating with my Mother and has been nothing more than very pleasant, I smell a rat, so I'm going to keep my guard up!!

Every day is still an emotional struggle but that's all part of this awful situation. As long as I can be one step ahead, all will be fine.


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Thanks Be Smart :grinning:

Although I don't like the idea of exposing all this tomorrow, I know it needs to be done.
I suppose when it's all out in the open, she will have to accept that her little bubble has burst and the reality of her actions will hit home - full force


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> In the UK once you have challenged a spouse about their affair should you have sex with your spouse afterward you would legally be deemed as having accepted their affair and thus unable to use adultery as the basis for divorce.
> 
> If she did this she might have been coached by a skilled adulterer.
> 
> ...


It's the same here in the states where adultery is allowed to be a consideration.

She might or might not have known it about the adultery laws at the time. Totally possible she "sex bombed" for other reasons. 

A lot of time, a woman ending her relationship will feel insecure and gluing a man to her with sex would make her feel more secure. 

She might also have been in mental denial of her reality and using sex with her H to reaffirm to herself that everything's just fine. 

Hell, she could have been ovulating and just horny as hell or even trying to make the OM jealous.

But, yeah, it's possible it was a cold and calculated move. Well played on her side.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

MfromtheUK said:


> Thanks Be Smart :grinning:
> 
> Although I don't like the idea of exposing all this tomorrow, I know it needs to be done.
> I suppose when it's all out in the open, she will have to accept that her little bubble has burst and the reality of her actions will hit home - full force


Have you considered the possible unintended side effects?

First, if this guy's not a bad dude..well, better the devil you know be around the house and kids. You find this guy is no threat, you then insure they break up, you don't know who she'll be seeing next.

Second, if she wants to be with him because she thinks they have something special, she'll be more cooperative in the divorce and with visitation between now and then. If her bubble bursts now, she'll have no incentive to be cooperative because she'll have nothing better to do in her spare time but blame you for ratting them out.

I say out them AFTER you have a favorable legal agreement in hand. Not necessarily divorce papers, but a legal separation agreement re: visitation, assets, and support. After you got what you need, THEN burst the bubble.


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

MJJean 
The long standing guy (2 years and still ongoing) is a grooming womaniser. He has a girlfriend who left husband for him, but he keeps her at arms length and has her over when my Wife is not there.. his GF works everyday and my Wife fits in, in between (clever man).

This "new guy" has only been on the scene for just over a month, but I am finding out there has also been two others, potentially more. So that's four men whilst she's been married to me.

My Wife is hiding behind the "happy facade" of our Family and is keeping it under her hat, apart from sharing it with two friends who are doing similar to her.
We have lost some good friends over the past couple of years and it has come to light that they got told by her what she was up to and as they didn't condone it, they chose to part company.

I think the the GF of thr long standing guy needs to know what he has been (and still is) up to. Exposing the truth will make it real for all parties involved.

Will she run to him? NO! He has flatly told her there is no emotional connection he just wants her for the Sex. . She does things that his GF won't do. It's all written down in letters/emails I have managed to get copies of.

I feel exposure would be the best option, but I'm open to any thoughts you guys may have


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

BobSimmons said:


> You're paying a house that your wife is banging other men in?
> 
> Really? And note OP never addresses the moving out of the house.
> 
> ...


Just caught up with this thread. Did I miss something on here because I'm curious as well. Why are you allowing God knows how many strange men to come and go at your house? This is the home where your kids are used to seeing there father. Why did you move out instead of your WW?


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

TBT... to my knowledge no man other than myself has been through the door.
CCTV hasn't picked anything up


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

I moved out as I couldn't bear to be around the woman any longer..
Keeping a roof over my kids heads and not have them subjected to our arguments was more important


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

If you can't man up your life will continue to be in limbo.

I know it's a shock but staying weak and passive will only make it worse.

Talk is cheap. Actions speak volumes. 

You need to get a plan together and follow it 100%. Those that take a stand and actually do something come out better in the end. Waffling will get you nothing. No one is going to help. You have to do this yourself


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

One word of advice from this Yank: once you divorce this hag, never marry another British-born woman again. Women in the UK know they have the courts on their side, so it gives them even more leeway to be slags. Women there are basically encouraged and empowered to be adulterous.

In fact never marry again. Get a vasectomy, have FWBs, but never marry again. It's not worth it for a man to marry in England, given the fvcked up laws there that weigh completely on the wife's side. Fathers and husbands have no rights whatsoever in the UK, so I think the males born or living in the UK should go on a mass marriage boycott. No weddings at all until Parliament changes the laws to be more fair towards fathers.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> One word of advice from this Yank: once you divorce this hag, never marry another British-born woman again. Women in the UK know they have the courts on their side, so it gives them even more leeway to be slags. Women there are basically encouraged and empowered to be adulterous.
> 
> In fact never marry again. Get a vasectomy, have FWBs, but never marry again. It's not worth it for a man to marry in England, given the fvcked up laws there that weigh completely on the wife's side. Fathers and husbands have no rights whatsoever in the UK, so I think the males born or living in the UK should go on a mass marriage boycott. No weddings at all until Parliament changes the laws to be more fair towards fathers.



Add Canada to that list as well. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

MfromtheUK said:


> Thanks guys...
> I've taken my kids from the house and have told her if this relationship is serious then In six months time I may let my kids meet him, but not yet.
> She's changed the bed linen and the home smells fresh, shame really... I feel for the guy, if he is a keeper he'll have one hell of a "wrecking ball" he's just picked up.
> 
> ...


Well filing for adultery is obviously back on the table, as long as you stay away from her.


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## jelly_bean (Sep 23, 2014)

We the good news is this new guy seems to be your last straw, sometimes we need that last straw to get the closure to move on. So there is your silver lining. But you should read my story and see if it can help in any way:

I also left the home (and *gasp* I am the mother) because of my own sanity, I also keep going back for "special visits", I also paid all the bills, truthfully I was in denial. My last straw moment was when he brought an out of town visitor (an ex girlfriend) to stay in our house for week. I had no idea she was coming so I came over to the house to surprise him with some football tickets I had won and surprise there is another woman quite comfortable in my house, my side of the bed, her clothes in my dresser, her sexy lace nightgown hanging on the post of my bed. He actually said we are just sharing a bed (half naked) not having sex. So I lost it a bit (the kids were out of town at camp so they did not see me lose it) and yelled at him that unless she was gone by the end of the day I was going to ruin his life. I was only there for 10 minutes and left crying.

So why the long story?? Cause here is what I learned since that day in August:

1. If you have moved out the home and enter the house without permission your ex can call the cops (which is what my did that day after I left, even though I broke nothing, took nothing). He just wanted something on record for the courts. That house is now considered her primary residence and you can not enter it without her permission.

2. When it is time for you to pick up your children for a visit try to arrange to not see your spouse. I use daycare so I have him drop them there and then I pick them up from there.

3. Have your children visit a therapist. Not only is it good for their recovery from this situation but if they say anything that concerns the therapist about your wife and her "visitors" they are obligated to report and many will testify in court.

4. If you went to MC reconnect with the therapist. My therapist told me during our sessions that my STBX has a personality disorder, many serial cheaters do, and she is more that willing to testify to this fact.

5. Child custody and divorce are two completely different issues in court. You can deal with custody immediately. So focus on getting a set legal binding child custody agreement in place. The rest will come. Try hard to get 50% custody if you can but I know that is hard for Dads. I have given my STBX 50% custody but if I see any issues with his personality disorder and the kids I will change that, you might need to keep that in mind.

6. NEVER NEVER say no to an opportunity to see your kids, even if it is for her to go bang some guy. It can be brought up in court and makes you look horrible. Just be glad she is banging somebody else and out of your life and enjoy the kids.

7. Take advantage of her affair fog. Right now she will be more than willing to hand over the kids to you so she can "pursue her options", use it. The more time you spend with the kids, the more you get involved in their schooling and sports will all help you get custody of them. Tell her that you are more than willing to help her out and take the kids whenever she want, she will think it is a win-win for her without evening knowing what hit her.

8. And most importantly...the more calm you are, the better you look, the more happy you seem is the best revenge ever! Never lose your cool. I took up kick boxing, very therapeutic 

I have now waited out my year living separate and apart, which yes if you moved to the guest room in your own house would count as well if you weren't still shagging her  I didn't even bother with the Adultery route, wasn't worth it. Focus on getting a fair custody schedule for the kids right now and healing. 

Hopefully this helps.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Dont worry about her my friend. She can sleep with any man she wants.

Be happy she is out of your life as your wife. Just make sure she keep them out of the house you are paying for. 

Speed up with the lawyer talk 

You need to expose her. Please do it. 

This is my third post about this- you dont want your wife telling bad things about you to family and friends. You dont want to hear how you are abusive father and husband. Do it for you own kids my friend.

Stay strong.


PS. About women. From my personal experience French and UK women are the worst.
They want to live this life from movies with all swinging bull$$it


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bloody hell. Where is Jeremy Kyle when you need him?

(Only joking)


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Jelly Bean
Its nice to see a post I can actually fully connect with. All of the advise on this thread has been awesome but this one has hit home.

Be Smart
Thanks again. Expose will be happening, but was sidelined temporarily.

MattMatt
I hear you Buddy.... The "show" I never wanted or thought I'd ever be on.


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## HobbesTheTiger (Apr 7, 2014)

Hi. I'm sorry you're faced with this, but it's great you found this site. You'll get lots of advice here, mostly good, take what you want and ignore the rest. The advice you've received thus far is very good.

Having said that, here's some of my advice&questions: 
1. Have you been to see a solicitor? It is paramount you do it ASAP! Take a few hours off work if you need to.

2. Go buy a VAR (voice activated recorder) or a GoPro thingy immediately and use it to record all your interactions with her. She might try to falsely accuse you of domestic violence to the police. Better safe than sorry, and there have been betrayed husbands here who were hit with false DV charges. Do not go to the house without a friend by your side to act as a witness to her false DV charges. 

3. Start documenting your and her care for the kids immediately. I recommend you be as detailed as possible, and I recommend you send the details of the day every day to a good friend of yours or to an alternate e-mail account so you will have time-stamped proof in case of a custody battle.

4. Set up individual counselling for yourself IMMEDIATELY! You need professional help in dealing with this level of betrayal&shock. Find someone with experience in infidelity and/or PTSD. That was paramount in bearing the pain and healing myself.

5. Go see your doctor about STD testing again. You mentioned being tested and cleared. However, tests are conclusive only after a certain number of months since the last sexual intercourse, so if you had sex with her in December, you'll have to get tested again. Be aware that if you have sex with her, you risk getting an STD and/or getting her pregnant.

6. Confide in your friends&family about this. You need and deserve their support. Have you told any of them yet of her cheating?

7. Make sure you eat, sleep and exercise as much as possible. If you're having trouble, talk to your doctor or a pharmacist. DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. It's way too easy to spiral out of control. I stopped myself quite close to becoming an alcoholic in the aftermath of it all.

8. Like others have said, google "No more mr. nice guy pdf", it's a great book available online for free that might be a source of great strength and self-esteem for you, as it was for me. Also, google "Codependent no more pdf", also available online for free. Another great book to read on this topic is "Married man sex life primer", I'd recommend you go to the library and get a copy of it.

10. What was your childhood/youth like? Please, google "Toxic parents pdf", it's a great book available online for free. Also, check out "Families and how to survive them", it opened my eyes on the topic of childhood issues and how they connect to adult relationships.

11. A divorce would be hard on you and the kids. However, it is much better for the kids to not see you everyday if that means that they won't grow up in a toxic household due to their mom's cheating, disrespect,..., where their dad is being destroyed emotionally due to their mom's actions. What the kids need to grow up emotionally happy, mature and strong young adults is to have at least a part of their lives emotionally healthy and safe (i.e. the days they will spend with you), to have at least one parent (i.e. you) emotionally stable and healthy (and you can't be that if you remain with a cheating, unremorseful spouse) and to have access to a good children's therapist (it's up to you to get them to see a good therapist). Please, consult a good therapist for kids and get your kids to see him/her.

Most of all, keep talking to us, the more you talk to us, the more we can help you and support you!

Best wishes


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Expose hard and fast. Man up my friend and stop being nice to her. Try and sell everything quick fast and let her live in poverty rather than you finance her lifestyle and adultress ways


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Seeing the solicitor tomorrow. 

I've been trying to keep off radar but still keep getting texts/calls to help her out with something or another.. I have been strong to a degree, but when it involves my Kids I won't let them loose out.

Didn't get a VAR as I felt it would only hurt me more and I feel I would have become obsessed with what I may have heard.

Her new man stayed at our house this weekend, he didn't share a meal with them at meal time, just sat and drank cans of beer all night and left first thing Sunday morning.... Sounds like a keeper, lol 

My Son refused to speak with him and said he was not comfortable with the man in our house.

I can't wait to see the solicitor tomorrow and start to get the ball rolling

Starting at the gym was the best thing I've done, gives me a focus and makes me feel on top of the world


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Get/Download 'BodyBeast after lifting weights for a month or more as its a very good starter to get 
to know your body and push your self and start to get a pump

Then you can progress to Arnolds Blueprint :smthumbup:

Wait till you look in the mirror in 12 months time 

Lots of ladies use gyms and not all married..but be careful of the cougers


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sorry, but I remain unconvinced that her affair has ended. And to make you think that it has, she now has ravenous sex with you ~ right alongside whoever it is that she's plowing over on the other side of town! You caught her with her pants down, and she lied to you about it! So she's guilty on two counts ~ marital infidelity and deception! Why keep her? What's in it for you? As is, you are nothing more than her "Plan B" until the coast is clear enough for her "Plan A" to go into effect!

For your sake, please discontinue the "wild sex" with her, because you might just acquire some nasty, unneeded STD that won't really serve to benefit you!

Get yourself to an attorney's office to fully discuss your legal options and immediately go into "180 mode" on her ASAP!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MfromtheUK (Jan 5, 2016)

Arbitrator thanks
I'm not fussed if the affair(s) are still on or off, I've been strong and kept well away, I will no longer be tempted by sexual favours again.
The images in my head are the drive to push out a good set at the gym and I'm starting to love me again and realise who I am.
I've anniciated the concept 180 and taken control of my life again.

I feel good!!

Unfortunately I will always have a tie with her as we have two beautiful kids, but hey I don't have to have a lengthy conversation with her anymore.

I now feel for the guys she's messing with, but they are welcome to her.

Thanks to TAM and all of you awesome members ?


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