# Grand Theft Auto 5 - Wife is pissed



## FamilyDude

My wife and I have had a rough first year of marriage, but that is to be expected blending two families (6 kids between us from prior marriages). Having said that, things have been going pretty well lately. That is until a week ago. 

I've always been fan of video games and have enjoyed indulging in my free time. These days my free time is sparse. I maybe play at most an hour per week (pre-marriage about an hour per day). I've been looking forward to the release of GTA 5 for a few years now. As a software developer, I've always been amazed at RockStar's technological achievements of their GTA franchise. My wife knows this. My Birthday is in a few days and I told her a week ago that one thing I want, is GTA 5 and some free time to play it. She has outright refused and it is infuriating! She has decided that the sexism and objectification of women in the game, is "too much". She's worried about the example it will set for our children. I've explained to her, that the sexual content can be avoided and that I would not allow the kids to play or even watch me play the game.

For whatever reason, she has claimed this war on GTA as her soapbox. She doesn't even want the game in the house! Seriously, I love this woman but she has some control issues. To be honest, I'm not at all inclined to indulge her. I'm actually quite pissed that she would put me in the position to make me choose between her and the game; IE days or weeks of the silent treatment and/or withholding sex. We are both Christians but DW is more conservative than I am in in this regard. She's trying to leverage her point of view from a perspective of Biblical faith.

This is the silliest thing I think I've ever had a "real" fight about. We are talking about a video game! She has made such a huge deal about it at this point, that I'm bracing myself for the fallout next week when I buy the game (and of course every time I actually play it). She is treating this as being on par with a drinking/gambling/drug/porn addiction, because I'm unwilling to "let it go" and appease her by not playing the stupid game. I'm beyond frustrated at this point. Anyone have some insight/advice? Am I being selfish to want to play a game that DW is so opposed to?

Thanks!
-FD


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## richie33

One a hour a week is not asking a lot. It wouldn't be a reach that she is controlling. I have never played GTA and I might even buy it but with you being a software developer I can definitely see why your excited.


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## Hope1964

Well, to flip this around, if my husband chose a video game over me, he and his video game could move back into the apartment he lived in after I kicked him out for cheating.

I don't know much about GTA but I do know enough to know that if my husband wanted it for his birthday I would not be getting it for him and would not want him owning it. We had this conversation years ago when it first came out. He played it a couple of times and was offended by it himself.


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## Dad&Hubby

Hope1964 said:


> Well, to flip this around, if my husband chose a video game over me, he and his video game could move back into the apartment he lived in after I kicked him out for cheating.
> 
> I don't know much about GTA but I do know enough to know that if my husband wanted it for his birthday I would not be getting it for him and would not want him owning it. We had this conversation years ago when it first came out. He played it a couple of times and was offended by it himself.


So do you enjoy any television shows that objectify or insult men or are inappropriate in any number of other ways? Seriously. Like a lot of the talk shows during the day. Or what about shows like "Mistresses" or "Grey's Anatomy"?

You can find any negative meaning/message in anything you want if you look for it. For every negative in a game like GTA that you find, I can find one in any number of television shows. The key is to recognize we're all adults and to judge the person watching or playing it on their own merits.

My wife LOVES some of the drama tv. I personally can't stand a lot of it because of the content sometimes, but I don't let it bother me and I DEFINITELY don't take a stance about it "IN MY HOUSE". Heck I'll even laugh about it with my wife and OH MY, actually watch an episode with her. Not because I enjoy the show, but because I enjoy my WIFE.

OP you need to take a stance. This is a sh!t test. Pure and simple. You're a grown man who's also a father. If you a GOOD man and a GOOD father, playing a video game, that doesn't affect your kids, shouldn't be an issue. And if your wife takes that strong of a stance, then JOIN her and take that stance on EVERYTHING in your life. Burn the romance novels, get rid of cable TV. HECK disconnect the internet...the internets is FULL of da DEVIL!


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## PHTlump

FamilyDude said:


> We are both Christians but DW is more conservative than I am in in this regard. She's trying to leverage her point of view from a perspective of Biblical faith.


How does your wife feel about Paul's writings that wives should submit themselves to their husbands, as to the Lord?



> Anyone have some insight/advice? Am I being selfish to want to play a game that DW is so opposed to?


You can choose to buy the game, or not buy the game. Not buying the game would buy you some peace, but perhaps cost you some self-respect.

I don't think you're being selfish. I understand the worry that your children shouldn't play it. And I understand being upset about excessively sexual content. But, if you can keep it away from the kids and tone it down to the level of an R-rated movie, then who cares?

Good luck.


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## FamilyDude

Hope1964 said:


> Well, to flip this around, if my husband chose a video game over me, he and his video game could move back into the apartment he lived in after I kicked him out for cheating.
> 
> I don't know much about GTA but I do know enough to know that if my husband wanted it for his birthday I would not be getting it for him and would not want him owning it. We had this conversation years ago when it first came out. He played it a couple of times and was offended by it himself.


I'm angry that she's put me in the position of having to choose in the first place. She knew that I played the previous title before we were married. She knows that I've been looking forward to the new release for a long time. It will cause a huge amount of resentment if I appease her. Plus she "put her foot down" roughly a week before release!?! Lastly, the offensive content is subjective and the sexual content can be avoided all together which is what DW is mostly upset about.


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## Refuse to be played

Well its a good thing my wife plays video games too. But even if she didn't, I'm a grown a-- man. No one tells me what games I can and cannot play. As long as you don't play it around any little kids there shouldn't be a problem.

OP read MMSLP. Don't let her use sex to try to control you.


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## Mavash.

I feel for you. One of my former friends was a devout Christian women who tried in vain to get her husband to ban ALL forms of media that objectified women. No rated R movies, no chick flicks, no victoria's secret catalog, no video games, nothing.

She was a bit of a nut when it came to what the bible said.


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## Hope1964

Dad&Hubby said:


> So do you enjoy any television shows that objectify or insult men or are inappropriate in any number of other ways? Seriously. Like a lot of the talk shows during the day. Or what about shows like "Mistresses" or "Grey's Anatomy"?


 Whether I enjoy them or not isn't the point. If my husband had a problem with me watching Chicago Fire, for example, I damned well wouldn't be watching it. 



Dad&Hubby said:


> You can find any negative meaning/message in anything you want if you look for it. For every negative in a game like GTA that you find, I can find one in any number of television shows. The key is to recognize we're all adults and to judge the person watching or playing it on their own merits.


 So maybe she has reason not to like it?? Who knows. If my husband had a problem with something I wanted to watch, he would tell me why exactly, and I wouldn't push it. I can think of two examples where he's done the exact same for me, without me even asking, just because something triggered me.



Dad&Hubby said:


> My wife LOVES some of the drama tv. I personally can't stand a lot of it because of the content sometimes, but I don't let it bother me and I DEFINITELY don't take a stance about it "IN MY HOUSE". Heck I'll even laugh about it with my wife and OH MY, actually watch an episode with her. Not because I enjoy the show, but because I enjoy my WIFE.


 But if you did take a stance, would your wife react by belittling your issues?



Dad&Hubby said:


> OP you need to take a stance. This is a sh!t test. Pure and simple. You're a grown man who's also a father. If you a GOOD man and a GOOD father, playing a video game, that doesn't affect your kids, shouldn't be an issue. And if your wife takes that strong of a stance, then JOIN her and take that stance on EVERYTHING in your life. Burn the romance novels, get rid of cable TV. HECK disconnect the internet...the internets is FULL of da DEVIL!


We don't do "sh!t tests" on each other. We talk about things that bother us and we accommodate each others requests, knowing where said request is coming from and that it isn't some kind of juniour high school game.

Getting ones sh!t all in a knot about something like this isn't worth the hassle. I am not so invested in ANYthing on TV that it would be worth such a rukus in my marriage. The fact that it does cause such a problem is more of a statement about the state of the marriage than about this isolated incident.


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## awake1

This is silly. GTA 5 is video game. Maybe remind her the people in it aren't real. 

As for objectifying women, I don't see this as any different than many tv shows or other games, such as tomb raider. 

I don't see the harm. If she's asking you not to play this and making a big stink over it, you probably have other issues in the relationship.


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## Caribbean Man

Your wife seem to have serious control issues.
I cannot agree with the silent treatment and her withholding sex either.
Something's kinda weird and over the top about this.


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## unbelievable

The people in the game aren't real but the kids in the house are. If this is in the house, how does the OP guarantee the kids won't see or play it? I wouldn't want my kids playing GTA, either. I suggest you read the book "On Killing" by LTC (retired) Dave Grossman.


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## Dad&Hubby

Hope1964 said:


> Whether I enjoy them or not isn't the point. If my husband had a problem with me watching Chicago Fire, for example, I damned well wouldn't be watching it.
> 
> So maybe she has reason not to like it?? Who knows. If my husband had a problem with something I wanted to watch, he would tell me why exactly, and I wouldn't push it. I can think of two examples where he's done the exact same for me, without me even asking, just because something triggered me.
> 
> But if you did take a stance, would your wife react by belittling your issues?
> 
> 
> 
> We don't do "sh!t tests" on each other. We talk about things that bother us and we accommodate each others requests, knowing where said request is coming from and that it isn't some kind of juniour high school game.
> 
> Getting ones sh!t all in a knot about something like this isn't worth the hassle. I am not so invested in ANYthing on TV that it would be worth such a rukus in my marriage. The fact that it does cause such a problem is more of a statement about the state of the marriage than about this isolated incident.


And you are reasonable. Most adults are reasonable. His wife isn't being reasonable. For some reason I don't think you'd give your husband an ultimatum about your marriage over a video game, or he would do the same over say a TV show. 

That's my point. 

A reasonable spouse wouldn't take this "ABSOLUTELY NOT" stance over something minor like a video game, tv show etc. It's one thing if it was say strip clubs (male or female) or something on that level, okay I can understand. As well as being uniform in your attitude about it from before to now, but to go from a non-issue during dating to an ultimatum now....that's ridiculous.

And remember. WHO'S the one putting the choosing something over their spouse on the table first....His wife.


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## chillymorn

I will never understand gamers.

seems like a huge waste of time.

with that said if your responsible about how much time you play I think shes being unreasonable.


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## cmc

I don't like video games but I do like GTA and look forward to playing it with my husband. I believe couples need their own time. I do not see what is wrong with you playing the game in your own time. I don't have to like or enjoy everything my husband does. It sounds very controlling to me by drawing a line in the sand over a video game. Where does it end then? You won't be allowed to watch your favorite TV show?


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## tom67

Start going out a few nights a week don't tell her where you are going. She might have a change of attitude wondering what you are doing. Withholding sex over this is bs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75

So, question.... GTA 4 and all the other previous ones... do you currently own them, or no? What other games do you already own? I ask this from two perspectives: 1. as a fellow gamer (still consider myself a gamer, though taking an indefinite hiatus atm), as well as 2. a Christian. I am curious what is already in the house...


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## Fozzy

unbelievable said:


> The people in the game aren't real but the kids in the house are. If this is in the house, how does the OP guarantee the kids won't see or play it? I wouldn't want my kids playing GTA, either. I suggest you read the book "On Killing" by LTC (retired) Dave Grossman.


I've played many of the GTA series. They're violent to be sure, but no more violent that many other games out there. Language, sex, drug use, etc. That's why there's a big M rating on the box. I have GTA IV at home. Couldn't really get into it, not because of the content, but because i just didn't really think it was that great. My kids have never seen it, and they never will. 

GTA gets a lot of heat in the media and people lose their minds about it when the truth of the matter is that it's really no worse than a TON of other games, movies, cable TV shows etc out there. It's a whipping boy.

Your kids are in much more danger flipping channels on TV. A game disc can be locked up. You have much more risk from a TV remote. Kids are becoming more connected every day. If you think you've got all your bases covered because you ban one over-hyped game title from your house, you need to think again.


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## FamilyDude

Dad&Hubby said:


> So do you enjoy any television shows that objectify or insult men or are inappropriate in any number of other ways? Seriously. Like a lot of the talk shows during the day. Or what about shows like "Mistresses" or "Grey's Anatomy"?
> 
> You can find any negative meaning/message in anything you want if you look for it. For every negative in a game like GTA that you find, I can find one in any number of television shows. The key is to recognize we're all adults and to judge the person watching or playing it on their own merits.
> 
> My wife LOVES some of the drama tv. I personally can't stand a lot of it because of the content sometimes, but I don't let it bother me and I DEFINITELY don't take a stance about it "IN MY HOUSE". Heck I'll even laugh about it with my wife and OH MY, actually watch an episode with her. Not because I enjoy the show, but because I enjoy my WIFE.
> 
> OP you need to take a stance. This is a sh!t test. Pure and simple. You're a grown man who's also a father. If you a GOOD man and a GOOD father, playing a video game, that doesn't affect your kids, shouldn't be an issue. And if your wife takes that strong of a stance, then JOIN her and take that stance on EVERYTHING in your life. Burn the romance novels, get rid of cable TV. HECK disconnect the internet...the internets is FULL of da DEVIL!


Yeah, maybe I should block Pintrest, Facebook and Netflix on our home network and see how long it takes DW to lift the GTA embargo.


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## FamilyDude

Maricha75 said:


> So, question.... GTA 4 and all the other previous ones... do you currently own them, or no? What other games do you already own? I ask this from two perspectives: 1. as a fellow gamer (still consider myself a gamer, though taking an indefinite hiatus atm), as well as 2. a Christian. I am curious what is already in the house...


I own GTA 4, GTA 3 and Liberty City. I have owned all of the other iterations of GTA 3 in the past. Halo, COD, Skyrim, and God of War are some of the other "mature" titles that I own. Oh, I do have Saints Row which I actually DO find to be offensive and never finished it.


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## Married but Happy

FamilyDude said:


> Yeah, maybe I should block Pintrest, Facebook and Netflix on our home network and see how long it takes DW to lift the GTA embargo.


LOL Not bad. Counter attack, then negotiate a truce.


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## Maricha75

FamilyDude said:


> I own GTA 4, GTA 3 and Liberty City. I have owned all of the other iterations of GTA 3 in the past. Halo, COD, Skyrim, and God of War are some of the other "mature" titles that I own. Oh, I do have Saints Row which I actually DO find to be offensive and never finished it.


The reason I asked is because I'm guessing some of those (GTA games, of course, included) are offensive in some way... but she doesn't pitch a fit over them. So... now this one? Sorry, I don't think so. And, just to clarify a bit... my 12 year old plays Assassins Creed, UFC, and we allowed them all to play World of Warcraft when we were playing it. We (actually my husband) have Starcraft 2, and want to get Diablo 3. So... yea, I am with you on this one. I don't get why she's throwing a fit about this one when there are already games with objectionable content in the house. Makes no sense to me.


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## justonelife

OP - Have you asked your wife to give her real reason for disliking this game? Is she normally insecure? I would ask her to sit down with you and watch you play it for 1 hour with the toned-down sexual content and ask her objectively what she has a problem with. It could be that she has built this game up to be worse in her mind than it really is.


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## Matt1720

Read "Hold on to your N.u.t.s" by Wayne Levine

Is enjoying every single hobby you want a non-negotiable, unalterable term? Maybe not

How about not tolerating being in a relationship where a spouse withholds sex/stonewalls you? Much more likely?


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## WorkingOnMe

There are only so many pimps and hos I can kill before I get a headache.


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## awake1

unbelievable said:


> The people in the game aren't real but the kids in the house are. If this is in the house, how does the OP guarantee the kids won't see or play it? I wouldn't want my kids playing GTA, either. I suggest you read the book "On Killing" by LTC (retired) Dave Grossman.


I think we're all assuming he won't be playing it with a 3 year old. 

It's a fair question though, how can he guarantee younger kids won't play it? 

Assuming it's on xbox/ps3, parental profiles make this pretty easy. Simple set one account able to use M rated content, and the rest pg 13. These are password protected like all xbox profiles.

quality wise, mafia 2 was way better than GTA 4. I wasn't impressed at all. I haven't really liked a GTA since the early ones.


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## Hope1964

Dad&Hubby said:


> And you are reasonable. Most adults are reasonable. His wife isn't being reasonable. For some reason I don't think you'd give your husband an ultimatum about your marriage over a video game, or he would do the same over say a TV show.
> 
> That's my point.
> 
> A reasonable spouse wouldn't take this "ABSOLUTELY NOT" stance over something minor like a video game, tv show etc. It's one thing if it was say strip clubs (male or female) or something on that level, okay I can understand. As well as being uniform in your attitude about it from before to now, but to go from a non-issue during dating to an ultimatum now....that's ridiculous.
> 
> And remember. WHO'S the one putting the choosing something over their spouse on the table first....His wife.


Hence my comment about the state of their marriage being perhaps the bigger issue here.

I think we're both trying to make the same point


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## cmc

awake1 said:


> I think we're all assuming he won't be playing it with a 3 year old.
> 
> It's a fair question though, how can he guarantee younger kids won't play it?
> 
> Assuming it's on xbox/ps3, parental profiles make this pretty easy. Simple set one account able to use M rated content, and the rest pg 13. These are password protected like all xbox profiles.
> 
> quality wise, mafia 2 was way better than GTA 4. I wasn't impressed at all. I haven't really liked a GTA since the early ones.


All you have to do is keep the game in a locked drawer.


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## awake1

cmc said:


> All you have to do is keep the game in a locked drawer.


I think it's easier just to set the parental control, but yea that works too. 

In order to start up an M rated game it would require a password. Then you don't have to hide anything. 

But I think GTA and a number of other games get a worse rep than they deserve. Like many sandbox games, you can do what you want. 

You dont have to mug people or rob banks, or pick up prostitutes in the game.


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## clipclop2

the point is that you can . it's a part of the game . purchasing it sends a message about content whether you choose to go there or not . 

Such a game has no place in my home either .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Refuse to be played

Seriously...as long as he isn't like the guy playing GTA down below I don't see what the problem is.


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## MEM2020

FD,
I have been married almost 25 years to a religious Christian who is also very controlling. 

I have a couple questions and then an observation. 

- Have you weighed the overall pros and cons of your wife's control issues?

For example a 'controlling spouse' often:
- manages the house in an organized and proactive manner
- ensures that the mechanics of life are attended to: bills, etc.
- is responsible with money and balances wants and needs well

And as you know they also don't understand the concept of boundaries very well. This can cause mindset issues that unchecked, GET WORSE with age for instance:
- My house 
- My ....

Instead of 'our house'. 

They don't say: I need you to do x,y,z, as long as that gets done I am satisfied. Instead they say: You cannot do x or y or z. 

Instead of expressing an 'I feel' statement, they say 'you cannot' do ....'. 

Her statements could fairly be: 
I am not ok being a paying customer of a company that makes such a violent, sexist game. And because of that, I am not going to buy that game for you or anyone else. I prefer not to have it in the house. And I ask that you not play it in front of me. 

If you feel that strongly about getting it, I insist that:
- the kids don't see it and
- you don't even tell them you have it (I respect your right to a certain amount of privacy - please be discrete)

---------
IF she isn't controlling with you 'in general', and/or if she typically responds in a rational and mature manner when you point out that she is being controlling, you might want to revisit the topic using the points above. You do that by saying, in the future the most effective way to address this type situation is to....

And then listen. If she responds via threat of 'punishment', it is likely best to say: 
This is now a closed topic between us and I will now independently decide what I am going to do. I have attempted to be respectful of your feelings. I don't think you understand that the way you have approached this implies that you are the boss and I am your subordinate. That feels very disrespectful to me. Going forward please try to be very aware that this is OUR house, and OUR marriage and I try very hard to treat you as AT least an equal. 

The reason for that approach is that she will likely try to revisit it. And when she does your focus ought to be on:
- boundaries 
- the way that equals speak to each other etc. 

And until that gets addressed in a way you feel good about, I would not respond to any direct questions about your decision. 

This is just me but: I would bet quite a lot of money that you have other control pain points with her. If I were you, I would say: 
- I understand that this is very important to you 
- Do you understand that I find your desire to control situations to be both a blessing and a curse?
- And then I would give her two examples of good things she does that are 'control driven', and one or two that you find very intrusive. 
- I would close with: As long as I see you making a consistent and good faith effort to work on your control issue(s) I will hold off on buying the game

-------

One man to another, I understand her visceral reaction to GTA. There are plenty of other games coming out this holiday season with incredible graphics and physics models. Personally I love Gran Turismo 5 with a force feedback steering wheel. And it is a game that can be played alone and with any of your 6 kids. 









FamilyDude said:


> My wife and I have had a rough first year of marriage, but that is to be expected blending two families (6 kids between us from prior marriages). Having said that, things have been going pretty well lately. That is until a week ago.
> 
> I've always been fan of video games and have enjoyed indulging in my free time. These days my free time is sparse. I maybe play at most an hour per week (pre-marriage about an hour per day). I've been looking forward to the release of GTA 5 for a few years now. As a software developer, I've always been amazed at RockStar's technological achievements of their GTA franchise. My wife knows this. My Birthday is in a few days and I told her a week ago that one thing I want, is GTA 5 and some free time to play it. She has outright refused and it is infuriating! She has decided that the sexism and objectification of women in the game, is "too much". She's worried about the example it will set for our children. I've explained to her, that the sexual content can be avoided and that I would not allow the kids to play or even watch me play the game.
> 
> For whatever reason, she has claimed this war on GTA as her soapbox. She doesn't even want the game in the house! Seriously, I love this woman but she has some control issues. To be honest, I'm not at all inclined to indulge her. I'm actually quite pissed that she would put me in the position to make me choose between her and the game; IE days or weeks of the silent treatment and/or withholding sex. We are both Christians but DW is more conservative than I am in in this regard. She's trying to leverage her point of view from a perspective of Biblical faith.
> 
> This is the silliest thing I think I've ever had a "real" fight about. We are talking about a video game! She has made such a huge deal about it at this point, that I'm bracing myself for the fallout next week when I buy the game (and of course every time I actually play it). She is treating this as being on par with a drinking/gambling/drug/porn addiction, because I'm unwilling to "let it go" and appease her by not playing the stupid game. I'm beyond frustrated at this point. Anyone have some insight/advice? Am I being selfish to want to play a game that DW is so opposed to?
> 
> Thanks!
> -FD


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## awake1

clipclop2 said:


> the point is that you can . it's a part of the game . purchasing it sends a message about content whether you choose to go there or not .
> 
> Such a game has no place in my home either .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I can respect that others may find certain games (or mature games in general) distasteful, the OP does not. Personally i'm not a fan of the series from a game play standpoint. 

In this case though, i'd say the same if OP was told he couldn't read 50 shades of grey because his wife found it offensive. 

I would draw a line somewhere where the content blurs into infidelity though, such as porn, assuming his wife had an issue with that. 

But when it comes to mature content, like die hard movies or books (many of which are far more explicit than GTA) i don't personally see an issue. 

Again though, I can understand that a great many people simply don't like the idea of mature content, whether that's in movies or games or books. 

I think in this case the OP and his wife should try to compromise somehow. Maybe he only plays it while she's in bed?


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## Starstarfish

> How does your wife feel about Paul's writings that wives should submit themselves to their husbands, as to the Lord?


I don't think killing hookers and running people over with a simulated car is exactly what the Lord had in mind with that quote, so let's not "cafeteria Christian" this issue, where we use scripture to brow-beat the wife into agreeing, when overall GTA is rather apart from Christian values. 

I'm a female gamer myself, so I understand the appeal of a new game, and really looking forward to it. I never got into GTA myself, its just not my thing. 

I wonder though, if underneath all of this overblown show is really the concern that your excitement for this new game will quickly morph back into your "pre-marriage" game schedule. That you'll hole yourself up to play this game on a regular basis while she's left looking after six children. As indeed, that's the hope for your birthday, yes? With six kids how much if any time do you spend with your wife alone now? Perhaps she's concerned any couple time you have now will quickly morph into GTA time.


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## Caribbean Man

Can't believe some of the responses I'm reading.
This is a game that he's going to be playing ONE HOUR / WEEK people.

It's not:
1] Looking at porn.
2]Going to a strip club
3]Chatting with webcam strippers
4]Going to a club / meatmarket

This is just 1 hr per week for him to enjoy playing a video game he likes.
Exactly how does this threaten his marriage , and why is she giving him the silent treatment and withholding sex?

This reeks of serious control issues on the wife's part.

All that has to be done is reverse the roles, and make her the gamer / wife / SAHM who just wants one hour/ week from her hectic schedule, to play a game of HER choice, GTA.
Put him in her place, the self righteous Christian husband using bible to keep his wife under HIS subjection and HIS control
See how it looks now?
Can't believe people are actually justifying her actions.


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## Starstarfish

I just think the phrase "control issues" gets applied too easily. And generally, it's more easily applied to women than men, just like mental issues. How obviously, if something doesn't seem reasonable to someone else, the wife is mental, has control issues, and is probably BPD. 



> Put him in her place, the self righteous Christian husband using bible to keep his wife under subjection and control


Well, there was one of those suggestions too. 

I didn't say that her reaction was reasonable, and indeed, it's rather over the top. I was just saying while he's -saying- it's only going to be an hour a week, the wife may be assuming or thinking that it's the "tip of the iceberg."


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## zookeeper

No doubt there is a much deeper meaning to this. Until you get to the true heart of the matter, you will be chasing your tail.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## James C

I'm not a gamer but I'm for protecting the rights of gamers.

As long as you are sincere about the amount of time you play and keeping it away from the children then it shouldn't be an issue. 

She needs to get at the root of what the problem is. It cannot be you playing GTA for 1 hour a week. Its not about you choosing the video game over her. It becomes you choosing your identity over suppression.


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## unbelievable

Playing a 1st person shooter video game is not like watching TV. One requires active thought, planning, decisions. The other is just a passive activity. Our military uses similar technology to turn passive high school kids into killers and it's pretty effective. Most American men have more sense than to watch porn in front of small kids but they don't see a problem with killing cops and hookers and committing carjackings in front of their kids. The sight of a woman's nipple will forever scar a child but bashing someone's head in with a ball bat won't? If a GTA game were in my home, it'd be guarded like Ft Knox from my kids. I actually don't see any benefit from training my own mind in this way.


----------



## Phenix70

OP, how does your wife feel about you playing this at all, as in going to a friend's house to do so?
Just curious if it's the game itself or something else.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

unbelievable said:


> Playing a 1st person shooter video game is not like watching TV. One requires active thought, planning, decisions. The other is just a passive activity. Our military uses similar technology to turn passive high school kids into killers and it's pretty effective. Most American men have more sense than to watch porn in front of small kids but they don't see a problem with killing cops and hookers and committing carjackings in front of their kids. The sight of a woman's nipple will forever scar a child but bashing someone's head in with a ball bat won't? If a GTA game were in my home, it'd be guarded like Ft Knox from my kids. I actually don't see any benefit from training my own mind in this way.


Just like when Dungeons and Dragons was released in the late 70's early 80's, it was going to make everyone satanists who perform live sacrifices. 

Many people make the connection of video games to the violence perpetrated by people like the columbine murders, Aurora CO murders, Newton CT. Because all of those murders played violent video games, but here's the problem. Find teenagers who don't. 2/3rds of all teenagers played violent video games in 2008 and I'm sure the number has increased. Source: PEW Internet & American Life Project, September 2008.

The people who have problems, had them before the video games. I'd argue that maybe violent video games prevents more issues because it gives someone with a problem the release they need so they're not turning those urges onto the real population.

People have problems and as a society the answer of Stephen from Braveheart isn't good enough...but frankly, it's reality.

"He wasn't right in the head. "

But as in anything, you have your opinions, I have mine. You run your house and I run mine. I won't say your wrong, but we're just different :smthumbup:


----------



## LonelyinLove

Do not get grown men obsessed with video games....


----------



## richie33

I don't understand grown women watching Days of our Lives everyday either but to each is own.


----------



## Maricha75

richie33 said:


> I don't understand grown women watching Days of our Lives everyday either but to each is own.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I watched that, and a couple others when I was a teen/early 20s... Recycled storylines every few years. Makes no sense to me.

But gaming... makes sense lol.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

I've played a couple of the GTA games ... and yes, they are vulgar. 

GTA San Andreas Prostitute SEX - YouTube

If she is a christian, I understand why she would be opposed to this game.


----------



## WadeWilson

My feelings on games (GTA) in general


----------



## MEM2020

Starfish,
Touché 

I am ROTFL





QUOTE=Starstarfish;4260370]I don't think killing hookers and running people over with a simulated car is exactly what the Lord had in mind with that quote, so let's not "cafeteria Christian" this issue, where we use scripture to brow-beat the wife into agreeing, when overall GTA is rather apart from Christian values. 

I'm a female gamer myself, so I understand the appeal of a new game, and really looking forward to it. I never got into GTA myself, its just not my thing. 

I wonder though, if underneath all of this overblown show is really the concern that your excitement for this new game will quickly morph back into your "pre-marriage" game schedule. That you'll hole yourself up to play this game on a regular basis while she's left looking after six children. As indeed, that's the hope for your birthday, yes? With six kids how much if any time do you spend with your wife alone now? Perhaps she's concerned any couple time you have now will quickly morph into GTA time.[/QUOTE]


----------



## RandomDude

Aha, another reason why I love being seperated/single! I can play Rome 2 / GTA 5 all I like lol

And LOL WadeWilson, awesome post!


----------



## Caribbean Man

I like that one WadeWilson!


I remember in the early years of our marriage, my wife and I were avid gamers when the gaming craze began to evolve.
Her best friend's husband , our next door neighbours, was a game freak.He always had the latest games and consoles.
He had a " den" in their home designed just to game. That was before the term " man cave" came about. He was a systems engineer.
Their only child, a girl , was very young , probably around 6 - 8 years , and she was not allowed in the room whilst we played. In fact, we used to play after they had tucked her into bed, or while she was in her room looking at TV.

My wife and I used to be across at their place sometimes for the entire night, just gaming with him and his wife. Good adult fun.
Back then the latest games were Mortal Kombat , Street Fighter and Killer Instinct. If I remember well , these games were so popular that they had their own movies , which were blockbsters, franchises and so on.
Back then, I remember some people were totally against these type of games because of the blood and gore. We couldn't really care, because it couldn't turn normal, healthy people into cold blooded killers, and it didn't affect our marriage, in fact we had so much fun , excitement and laughter that in hindsight , it made us closer.
My wife is, and was back then a church going Christian. Didn't cause her to stop attending church services either.

Fast forward to today.
We are no longer " gamers " as such, but our neighbour is still very much involved in it. I think his favourites are " Call of Duty Black Ops " and this same Grand Theft Auto. I think he has had every single GTA that was released. And guess what?
The mother no longer plays but his * little * daughter, who is now 18 yrs old, is his gaming partner.
They are inseparable , sometimes they'll spend the entire night , gaming.
But she's a former straight A student , just started university, she's also one of the lead cellist in our National Junior Philharmonic Orchestera , and _still _attends church with her mother.
Did I mention she also a pianist?
lol, people _pay her_ to tutor their kids.

I just think that human beings are very complex, and normal people are quite capable of differentiating fantasy from reality.


----------



## zookeeper

I try not to judge people on their entertainment choices. I love to shoot trap and skeet, but I'm sure that would be like a trip to the dentist for others. If gamers are responsible and don't allow it to take over their lives, why should anyone care?

The problem here is undoubtedly more than the subject matter of the game. She was well aware that he played these games before they were married and it doesn't sound lime she raised much of an objection then. Possible reasoning for her newfound objections might be:

- She sees it as a childish pursuit and thought he would grow out of it after marriage
- She is worried that one hour a week will turn into hours a day
- She doesn't feel that she gets enough time to herself and resents him doing this
- She doesn't feel he helps out enough and will use this to escape responsibilities
- She wants more attention from him and resents that he wants to play with a game instead of her

And countless other reasons. The best way to find out is a calm, rational, open discussion. I doubt that this is the only problem this marriage has. Looking at those might give some insights as well.


----------



## Maricha75

WadeWilson said:


> View attachment 8666
> 
> My feelings on games (GTA) in general


You mean... I am NOT going to magically heal someone with my powers, but just pointing at them... while carrying a hammer or sword? And... and.... I'm NOT going to turn into a tornado while fighting giant spiders??? Well, my life is now a lie!!

*that was sarcasm, in case no one caught it*


----------



## clipclop2

Question: if it is just a dumb game, why is OP upset? Putting a dumb game into perspective should be simple. He thinks it is a dumb game. The dumb game bothers his wife. What is the discussion about? A man puts his wife ahead of a dumb game. Film at 11.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MEM2020

Clip,
Read his other thread first. 





clipclop2 said:


> Question: if it is just a dumb game, why is OP upset? Putting a dumb game into perspective should be simple. He thinks it is a dumb game. The dumb game bothers his wife. What is the discussion about? A man puts his wife ahead of a dumb game. Film at 11.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75

MEM11363 said:


> Clip,
> Read his other thread first.


Yea, thanks for the heads up.

OP, if this were an isolated incident, then my advice stands. But, in your other threads, you have said you are, essentially, done. If you get this game, will that, effectively, tell her you are completely done? Is that what you are really getting at? Because, if this is that LAST STRAW, then by all means, do as you please. But, if you actually WANT to make your marriage work.... well.... I then would change my answer. But, you have been arguing, basically, since you got married. You've been looking for a way out. So, what are you going to do?


----------



## Interlocutor

I'll be honest... I haven't read one post in this thread, but I saw GTAV in the title, and wanted to share...

TWO MOAR DAYS!!! WOOT! Almost there!


----------



## unbelievable

Dad&Hubby said:


> Just like when Dungeons and Dragons was released in the late 70's early 80's, it was going to make everyone satanists who perform live sacrifices.
> 
> Many people make the connection of video games to the violence perpetrated by people like the columbine murders, Aurora CO murders, Newton CT. Because all of those murders played violent video games, but here's the problem. Find teenagers who don't. 2/3rds of all teenagers played violent video games in 2008 and I'm sure the number has increased. Source: PEW Internet & American Life Project, September 2008.
> 
> The people who have problems, had them before the video games. I'd argue that maybe violent video games prevents more issues because it gives someone with a problem the release they need so they're not turning those urges onto the real population.
> 
> People have problems and as a society the answer of Stephen from Braveheart isn't good enough...but frankly, it's reality.
> 
> "He wasn't right in the head. "
> 
> But as in anything, you have your opinions, I have mine. You run your house and I run mine. I won't say your wrong, but we're just different :smthumbup:


The link between violent video game viewing and violent delinquent behavior in kids is hardly my opinion. It's a well-documented and well researched reality. That "M" on those games didn't appear by accident or because somebody tumbled off the Mayflower and decided to slap it on there. I personally like the Call of Duty games and I'm a parent and I've been training real life killers for over 31 years. Also been supervising and training cops about that long. Our training bears a lot of similarities. If it didn't work, we wouldn't use it. You can take that for what it's worth or disregard it. For good or ill, we are always training our kids and they will end up with the values we give them.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Whether its a video game or reading a book, you are entitled to a bit of free time of your choice. Within reason of course. This is silly and mighty controlling.

I absolutely hate football. I cringe whenever I hear it on the TV. My husband LOVES his football, so I find something else to do in another part of the house when it's on and I don't care if he watches it on the big screen TV. It's that simple. Oh, football season has started.:/ lol


----------



## gbrad

While I am not a fan of the game, I do agree that she is wildly overreacting. This isn't a matter of her making you choose the game or her, it is a matter of her making a big emotional deal out of something trivial. Don't I know that story.


----------



## Interlocutor

unbelievable said:


> The link between violent video game viewing and violent delinquent behavior in kids is hardly my opinion. It's a well-documented and well researched reality. That "M" on those games didn't appear by accident or because somebody tumbled off the Mayflower and decided to slap it on there. I personally like the Call of Duty games and I'm a parent and I've been training real life killers for over 31 years. Also been supervising and training cops about that long. Our training bears a lot of similarities. If it didn't work, we wouldn't use it. You can take that for what it's worth or disregard it. For good or ill, we are always training our kids and they will end up with the values we give them.


The games may be harmful for kids... Good thing they aren't for kids then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dad&Hubby

unbelievable said:


> The link between violent video game viewing and violent delinquent behavior in kids is hardly my opinion. It's a well-documented and well researched reality. That "M" on those games didn't appear by accident or because somebody tumbled off the Mayflower and decided to slap it on there. I personally like the Call of Duty games and I'm a parent and I've been training real life killers for over 31 years. Also been supervising and training cops about that long. Our training bears a lot of similarities. If it didn't work, we wouldn't use it. You can take that for what it's worth or disregard it. For good or ill, we are always training our kids and they will end up with the values we give them.


Yes I COMPLETELY agree. There is a link. But I would like to see what the TRUE link is, unfortunately you can't.

My point is if you take a child with "issues" and the parent is not active and attuned to their child and lets said child play violent "M" rated video games (even though the child isn't "M") then is it the video game?

I believe that if you took the same child, removed the video games, they would find the necessary stimuli to "turn bad" from TV or movies. Or maybe books, or the internet.

The problem isn't the game, the problem is the lack of parental influence. If your 12 year old is playing an "m" rated game, how is that an issue of the game. Do you let your 13 year old watch as much porn as they want too?


----------



## ScarletBegonias

If she didn't have a problem with the other GTA games and the other games you've played,why start having issues now?

She knew you were a gamer then and she knows it now.By marrying you she agreed to accept your gamer side provided it was kept in check.It sounds like you came to a peaceful arrangement to play the games with limits on how long you sit and play.Why does she feel the need to take a situation that was working and change the rules suddenly? It isn't fair and it's a bit ridiculous.

Withholding sex? Silent treatment? Over a video game. Now I've heard everything.

If she's offended by the game she doesn't have to play it or even be around when you play it.I bet you'd be ok with not even discussing with her how many hookers you killed during that game session.

Obviously this isn't REALLY about a video game. The problems are much deeper and more serious than that.


----------



## unbelievable

Go to any school. The media dictates how kids dress, speak, and behave. Boys didn't independently wake up one morning and decide to wear their pants half-way down their behinds. If media images don't influence behavior, the advertising industry is spending billions for nothing. You think your kids are more resilient to the effects of these images than you are?


----------



## awake1

unbelievable said:


> The link between violent video game viewing and violent delinquent behavior in kids is hardly my opinion. It's a well-documented and well researched reality. That "M" on those games didn't appear by accident or because somebody tumbled off the Mayflower and decided to slap it on there. I personally like the Call of Duty games and I'm a parent and I've been training real life killers for over 31 years. Also been supervising and training cops about that long. Our training bears a lot of similarities. If it didn't work, we wouldn't use it. You can take that for what it's worth or disregard it. For good or ill, we are always training our kids and they will end up with the values we give them.


Not to turn this into a "games are bad" vs "games aren't bad" debate, but the link is not clear. At least as many studies have found no link as those that have. 

I'm not posting a giant wall of text, but here's some food for thought when it comes to violent games. 

Video games do not make vulnerable teens more violent
_..., the researchers found that the playing of such games actually had a very slight calming effect on youths with attention deficit symptoms and helped to reduce their aggressive and bullying behavior._

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...deo-games-and-movies-causing-violent-behavior

_analyses of school shooting incidents from the US Secret Service and the Federal Bureau of Investigation National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime do not support a link between violent games and real world attacks._

_ ...the Japanese are avid video game players and have a homicide rate close to zero...many comparable nations have comparable consumption of video game and violent media, but low homicide rates. _

The supreme court also shot down california's law about banning violent games, or controlling their sale, because the court could find no definitive link. 

It's not quite so cut and dry. Regardless, I still won't be letting my 11 or 7 year old sons play anything I think is offensive. Just like I wouldn't let him watch R rated movies.


----------



## RandomDude

Rome didn't build a colisseum for nothing

People want blood, give them an outlet and their thirst will be sated. In violent games you accomplish this without the need for slaves/mass killings/etc etc 

Besides, I've watched a few MA-15+ films with my daughter and she's ANYTHING but violent. In fact... I'd rather she be more violent because atm she loves and hugs everything she sees.


----------



## Kobo

unbelievable said:


> Playing a 1st person shooter video game is not like watching TV. One requires active thought, planning, decisions. The other is just a passive activity. Our military uses similar technology to turn passive high school kids into killers and it's pretty effective. Most American men have more sense than to watch porn in front of small kids but they don't see a problem with killing cops and hookers and committing carjackings in front of their kids. The sight of a woman's nipple will forever scar a child but bashing someone's head in with a ball bat won't? If a GTA game were in my home, it'd be guarded like Ft Knox from my kids. I actually don't see any benefit from training my own mind in this way.



Y'all are crazy. Your kids will have seen worse that GTA whatever by the time they reach 10. Unless you got them homeschooled and helicoptered to death. Even then, when you've sent them to bed with their nook they will find something to get into. This isn't about the kids.


----------



## MEM2020

Awake1,
I think perhaps you are dreaming. 
See study below. 

Violent video games are a risk factor for criminal behavior and aggression - News Service - Iowa State University




QUOTE=awake1;4288562]Not to turn this into a "games are bad" vs "games aren't bad" debate, but the link is not clear. At least as many studies have found no link as those that have. 

I'm not posting a giant wall of text, but here's some food for thought when it comes to violent games. 

Video games do not make vulnerable teens more violent
_..., the researchers found that the playing of such games actually had a very slight calming effect on youths with attention deficit symptoms and helped to reduce their aggressive and bullying behavior._

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...deo-games-and-movies-causing-violent-behavior

_analyses of school shooting incidents from the US Secret Service and the Federal Bureau of Investigation National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime do not support a link between violent games and real world attacks._

_ ...the Japanese are avid video game players and have a homicide rate close to zero...many comparable nations have comparable consumption of video game and violent media, but low homicide rates. _

The supreme court also shot down california's law about banning violent games, or controlling their sale, because the court could find no definitive link. 

It's not quite so cut and dry. Regardless, I still won't be letting my 11 or 7 year old sons play anything I think is offensive. Just like I wouldn't let him watch R rated movies.[/QUOTE]


----------



## unbelievable

It is about the kids and it isn't. It's about respecting your partner's views about parenting. I know how important my kids are to me and the quickest way to get on my bad side is to counter whatever I'm doing for my kids. If she doesn't want her sprouts watching this stuff, her views should be respected. That is a very valid concern. A happy compromise might be to simply provide some security that guarantees the kids won't see or play these games but the OP still can. I haven't seen the video game that I valued more than a peaceful relationship with my wife. Nobody's going to be playing that game 50 years from now. Play this wrong and he might have 100% of his time to play video games in the privacy of his own apartment.


----------



## PHTlump

Starstarfish said:


> I don't think killing hookers and running people over with a simulated car is exactly what the Lord had in mind with that quote, so let's not "cafeteria Christian" this issue, where we use scripture to brow-beat the wife into agreeing, when overall GTA is rather apart from Christian values.


So, in your opinion, God's commands have provisos and exceptions built in? Men shouldn't cheat on their wives, unless they have a reason to, in which case God's totally down with the idea?

It's not me who is the cafeteria Christian. Whether the game is an appropriate past time for a Christian is a separate question from whether a Christian wife should submit to her husband, as the Bible commands.


----------



## PHTlump

MEM11363 said:


> Awake1,
> I think perhaps you are dreaming.
> See study below.


Awake1's point, which I agree with, is that the science is not yet established. Yes, some studies show a link between gaming and violent behavior. And some studies don't. Which studies are correct?

We should be wary of making violent video games into the latest boogeyman ready to harm our children. In the 1950s, respected psychologists asserted that comic books and rock and roll were harming children. In the 1980s, respected psychologists asserted that satanic cults were sacrificing and molesting children. And it all turned out to be pure crap.

Now, I put more stock into violent games causing violent behavior than I do that Judas Priest records played backwards contain messages encouraging suicide. But, that doesn't mean it's true.

Between 1993 and 2010, a time period that saw a meteoric rise in violent computer gaming, violent crime has plummeted. So, I think the best we can say about the effects of violent games is that we don't know what, if any, effects it has.


----------



## RandomDude

> Between 1993 and 2010, a time period that saw a meteoric rise in violent computer gaming, violent crime has plummeted. So, I think the best we can say about the effects of violent games is that we don't know what, if any, effects it has.


Of course, that's because we can do violent crime in GTA 5 instead 

Like hey, nothing beats coming home from work and then chucking a hand grenade into a crowded bus stop or going on a squishy drive down sidewalks... in the game


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

chillymorn said:


> I will never understand gamers.
> 
> seems like a huge waste of time.


Your avatar reminded me that, after I went hunting a few times, I started saying that about hunters. Climb a tree stand in the wee hours and sit in the freezing cold for hours and *maybe* have an opportunity to take a shot. 

Let's face it, most people's recreation (mine included) could probably be classified as a waste of time.


----------



## FamilyDude

Thanks for the input and insight everyone! Still not sure what I am going to do. There definitely is a lot more to this issue. As I've said, our first year of marriage has been bumpy but we've both been working hard to make our relationship a priority and have been succeeding for the most part. That is partly why I've been so frustrated with DW's sudden reaction to this video game. Why make such a fuss over something she knows I've been looking forward to? To be fair my initial reaction to how she presented her case only added fuel to the fire. I was really ticked off and acted like an ass instead of actually listening to what she had to say. This only served to bolster her position.

I want to clarify that DW has never directly withheld sex. She gives me the silent treatment when we don't see eye to eye and is not approachable. Technically, if I asked her for sex during one of these periods she would probably not deny me.

Anyway, this feels very much like a test to me and I hate being put in this position. It seems like just about everything in a second marriage with this many children can turn into a power struggle. Right now, I'm going to hold off on buying the game until we can come to an agreement. Maybe that will be enough to let her know that I'm not discounting her feelings and she will be willing to work out a compromise. I just have a sinking feeling that she's not going to budge.

-FD


----------



## Racer

I am bothered by people comparing this to porn.

Something worth noting: A computer game M rating.. MATURE Content is generally suitable for ages 17 and up. May contain intense violence, blood and gore, sexual content and/or strong language.

In movie terms: PG-13 — A PG-13 motion picture may go beyond the PG rating in theme, violence, nudity, sensuality, language, adult activities or other elements, but does not reach the restricted R category. ...

So understand; You can get away with more in a PG-13 movie than you can in a T (Teen) rated computer game. Any sexual overtures or violence against humans gets a M label. Nudity in a computer game (even when animated) is probably going to give it a AO rating. I don't know of any AO games. So even strippers in something like Saint's Row (rated M) have bikini tops and G-strings. (As well as a hella funny strip dance scene from your overly inflated ego character regardless of gender)...

GTA is one of the harder core M rated games (like Saint's Row I'm currently playing). Personally, I think it’s rather funny because they are intentionally doing this just to exploit the rating system. Yet, it lacks full out graphic sexual content scenes that would classify it a AO rating. Sort of like the movie industry also ‘cleaning it up’ to just under the R rated category so they hit the sweet money spot of PG-13. 

So please stop comparing it to porn which is full on sex. It is less sexually charged than some R-rated movies like American Pie stuff. It is on par violent with R-rated Tarentino type movies. And includes a ton of adult, this is so wrong, type situations where you are indulged in making ‘bad immoral choices’ and laugh at the outcomes and effects. Probably even some stuff you've laughed at like the "double rainbow stoner". It isn’t real and only the truly mental might confuse it. 

As for the wife creating a marriage issue over this. Go overboard next time she laughs at inappropriate comic and threaten her. I’d recommend Anthony Jeselnik because it’s that kind of ‘so wrong’ humor that creates games like these; Some of the South Park episodes come close in the crude humor. It’s just entertainment folks. GTA and a few others I wouldn't recommend to teens. 

But creating monsters out of our kids? lol... You probably don't want to expose them to this intentionally, but it's hardly the end of the world and no where as bad as pornography. My 11 year old laughed his butt off at a scene in Saints Row where part of your 'training' is learning to drive with a tiger in your car... ripped off from a PG-13 Talladega Knights...


----------



## RandomDude

FamilyDude said:


> Thanks for the input and insight everyone! Still not sure what I am going to do. There definitely is a lot more to this issue. As I've said, our first year of marriage has been bumpy but we've both been working hard to make our relationship a priority and have been succeeding for the most part. That is partly why I've been so frustrated with DW's sudden reaction to this video game. Why make such a fuss over something she knows I've been looking forward to? To be fair my initial reaction to how she presented her case only added fuel to the fire. I was really ticked off and acted like an ass instead of actually listening to what she had to say. This only served to bolster her position.
> 
> I want to clarify that DW has never directly withheld sex. She gives me the silent treatment when we don't see eye to eye and is not approachable. Technically, if I asked her for sex during one of these periods she would probably not deny me.
> 
> Anyway, this feels very much like a test to me and I hate being put in this position. It seems like just about everything in a second marriage with this many children can turn into a power struggle. Right now, I'm going to hold off on buying the game until we can come to an agreement. Maybe that will be enough to let her know that I'm not discounting her feelings and she will be willing to work out a compromise. I just have a sinking feeling that she's not going to budge.
> 
> -FD


Yeah well, the game will probably be really buggy on release anyway. So give it a week or so, or wait till the price drops and when the problems are solved. Hopefully by that time your missus will get over it.


----------



## awake1

MEM11363 said:


> Awake1,
> I think perhaps you are dreaming.
> See study below.


I'm not sure if I was vague in my post, but there is an almost equal number of studies finding both a casual link, and no link. Some also find a positive effect on aggression after playing violent video games. 

Because of how heavily this has been researched over the last decade or two, we could probably spend the rest of year posting study links both for, and against a violence/violent game link. 

One study, in a sea of hundreds that are all over the map in terms of outcome doesn't make a good point either way.

I don't think those under 17 should be playing M rated content regardless of what studies say. 

So i'm actually in agreement with most in this thread. 

However, just to blame them like people blamed all sorts of things when I was growing up is a fallacy in my opinion. 

When people blame games, media, society and all the rest, it diminishes personal responsibility.


----------



## LongWalk

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I've played a couple of the GTA games ... and yes, they are vulgar.
> 
> GTA San Andreas Prostitute SEX - YouTube
> 
> If she is a christian, I understand why she would be opposed to this game.


You don't have to be Christian to be disgusted by that.

Personally, if I were the OP, I would rather have an hour extra of intimacy with my wife than to play the game. Better to spend an hour in gym or something. Also, since the OP is already in this branch, playing video games is just more time looking at a computer.

So, there are good reasons to dump GTA5. However, if the OP's wife is controlling and their marriage has issues, the conflict over the game may be a signal that he needs to work on their relationship. She may not be supporting him emotionally. Withholding sex is always a risky move by either spouse because it dries out the glue holding them together.

The OP should not be a wuss but he needs to think this out as objectively as possible.


----------



## RandomDude

Anticipating a game for ages only to give it up, not even allowing for one hour a WEEK? Not even to play it once and have jokes about it with your mates at work? So everyone would be talking about it and you're like "No, my wife forbad it" :rofl:

No, OP shouldn't have to give it up. It's one hour a bloody week.

As for the game content if you've played any GTA games; sex is an afterthought, and hell if you're like me you wouldn't even encounter any sex in the game. I just go around driving people over to get my road rage fix. And of course I don't do that in RL, probably bc I can do it in GTA!

As for the "calming" effect that studies show, well it's understandable! Especially if you look at me as an example. Ever since I got into gaming I've stayed out of jail FFS

Bah! Hell at least STBX was never this rigid with gaming unless it took up our time together which was understandable and she became a gamer herself after old school Dragon Age. It was fun as a couple playing games together when both of you are free.


----------



## Paulination

FamilyDude said:


> We are talking about a video game!


Exactly. So is this the hill you really want to die on? I don't know about her other controlling issues you elluded to but she feels very strongly about this point, maybe you should concede.

I'm a gamer also so I get that but GTA is not like other games and your wifes objection given her background is not surprising. To you it is just a game, to her it is you vicariously lending your support and acceptance to the content.

Realistically, how much fun will you have playing a game that makes your wife stare daggers at you and fills her with resentment?


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## FamilyDude

Paulination said:


> Exactly. So is this the hill you really want to die on? I don't know about her other controlling issues you elluded to but she feels very strongly about this point, maybe you should concede.
> 
> I'm a gamer also so I get that but GTA is not like other games and your wifes objection given her background is not surprising. To you it is just a game, to her it is you vicariously lending your support and acceptance to the content.
> 
> Realistically, how much fun will you have playing a game that makes your wife stare daggers at you and fills her with resentment?


Yep, good points. I've already told DW that I'm holding off on buying or playing the game until we come to an agreement. The resentment goes both ways and I'm hoping DW will see that putting an arbitrary limitation on what games I can play is a bit hypocritical considering that objectionable content can be found just as easily within the media she chooses to consume (Pinterest & Netflix).


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## MEM2020

FamilyDude,
Your are PAYING all the bills for her 4 kids, and taking responsibility for her tuition. 

She wants the benefits of being a traditional woman (with a husband who at least for the next 3 years will work his ass off for her) and yet she is at your throat over a video game the kids won't ever see? 

This 'game' isn't really the issue and I know that you 'know' that.

The real issues you have were raised in your earlier thread. She loves that you are willing to dig her out of the huge financial hole she somehow dug herself before your arrival. And she is willing to have sex with you for that. 

She has put ALL the financial responsibility on you despite promising to get a job. That by itself is a VERY big promise broken. She might be a 'feminist', but I have the hardest time believing that if you had been living with your parents and had promised her you would get a job, then did not, that you would be together. 

And - in spite of NOT having a job she wasn't doing close to a fair share of housework. I get that she is in school, but bringing 4 kids into a house and expecting the man to step up pay for you plus them and not ensuring you show gratitude by making sure that you AND the kids are doing the housework, is a huge respect issue. 

Be careful, I am glad the sex is great rght now, but the huge elephant in the room is that your wife seems to believe that if she has sex with you, every other argument should go her way. If that happens, she will continue to lose respect for you and you will end up broke AND celibate. 

You should define boundaries and enforce them. Not by raising your voice. Not by threatening divorce. 

When was the last time she apologized to you after a day or two of giving each other the silent treatment? 

When a wife stops apologizing for her issues, and gets more and more controlling, there is an invisible line that is a point of no return. With some folks it is enough to 'earn' respect. With others you need to 'demand' it as well. 





FamilyDude said:


> Thanks for the input and insight everyone! Still not sure what I am going to do. There definitely is a lot more to this issue. As I've said, our first year of marriage has been bumpy but we've both been working hard to make our relationship a priority and have been succeeding for the most part. That is partly why I've been so frustrated with DW's sudden reaction to this video game. Why make such a fuss over something she knows I've been looking forward to? To be fair my initial reaction to how she presented her case only added fuel to the fire. I was really ticked off and acted like an ass instead of actually listening to what she had to say. This only served to bolster her position.
> 
> I want to clarify that DW has never directly withheld sex. She gives me the silent treatment when we don't see eye to eye and is not approachable. Technically, if I asked her for sex during one of these periods she would probably not deny me.
> 
> Anyway, this feels very much like a test to me and I hate being put in this position. It seems like just about everything in a second marriage with this many children can turn into a power struggle. Right now, I'm going to hold off on buying the game until we can come to an agreement. Maybe that will be enough to let her know that I'm not discounting her feelings and she will be willing to work out a compromise. I just have a sinking feeling that she's not going to budge.
> 
> -FD


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## diwali123

I read your threads and I can relate somewhat. 
Have you thought about going to family counseling? My h and I started going because our blended kids weren't going along. We learned so much and so many great techniques for how to blend, how to get them to do things, etc. 

I would highly suggest you find a family counselor who specializes in blended families. You guys need to get on the same page with discipline and who does what with the kids. 

Also we have the kids doing lots of work around the house. They need to clean up after themselves AND help the family. We have five people when all of us are here, I can't image having 8!!! 

Get chore lists and have the kids pick what their regular jobs should be, then they get a small amount for other jobs. 

Great thing is you can use their money against them. As in "for every minute you aren't in the shower Im taking ten cents." 

Older kids can and should do more do they can learn how to clean and keep house. 

As for the game, I'm on your side. You have every right to it and she is being petty. There is no reason why you can't have it. Is she maybe worried that it would cost too much? 

Have you talked about your concerns with her not working? Can she get a part time job at least? 

Does she get child support?


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## Nsweet

OP, Yyu're a grown ass man with 6 kids and a wife who's already shown she will go through with divorce. Do you really want to test her on this one? 

I'm all for video games every now and again between work, family, and fitness, but come on. Just look at her argument... Most people are against the GTA series for it's violence, but she's got something against sexism. Why? There's got to be something else there. 

How much do you want to bet she's against GTA-V because she knows it will trigger her. And if she's not a radical feminist, victim of rape, or an ex working girl... it's probably because the hookers in that game will trigger memories of being cheated on by her ex. Just my thought on it. 

Also, I bet if you asked for any other game you'd get it. I mean it's not like this is a money issue. Hell, if you're smart about it you could just find the time to play it at a friends house and escape the whole issue with the kids seeing it completely.


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## MEM2020

A grown man who is financially supporting a wife who was living at home with mommy and daddy and the 4 kids she had with another man. 

Giving in to threats of divorce with a wife who seems much more focused on her 'rights' than her responsibilities is a huge mistake. 

And giving in on boundary/privacy issues will only encourage her to get more aggressive. 




QUOTE=Nsweet;4326434]OP, Yyu're a grown ass man with 6 kids and a wife who's already shown she will go through with divorce. Do you really want to test her on this one? 

I'm all for video games every now and again between work, family, and fitness, but come on. Just look at her argument... Most people are against the GTA series for it's violence, but she's got something against sexism. Why? There's got to be something else there. 

How much do you want to bet she's against GTA-V because she knows it will trigger her. And if she's not a radical feminist, victim of rape, or an ex working girl... it's probably because the hookers in that game will trigger memories of being cheated on by her ex. Just my thought on it. 

Also, I bet if you asked for any other game you'd get it. I mean it's not like this is a money issue. Hell, if you're smart about it you could just find the time to play it at a friends house and escape the whole issue with the kids seeing it completely.[/QUOTE]


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## diwali123

I think there needs to be more discussion on this. Maybe she does have something that is triggering about it. 
But if not? She's just on a power trip.


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## Nsweet

Wow, I didn't even read into what he said about her later. Living off of him and not being financially supportive, 4 kids from an ex, using sex to get her way, controlling attitude, first year of marriage and already you're having serious issues.... etc. I'm not even going to arm chair this one and try to dig into why she's being like this. 

If OP called her controlling on the first page, guess what... SHE IS CONTROLLING. There's usually a grace period after marriage where the honeymoon continues for about a year and a half to two years and you both either fight fair or let sh!t go, but if she's acting like this already... guess what! It's going to get a whole lot worse when she's not having sex with you. 

It's too soon to say right now, but you may have just married the wrong woman (again)... which does happen, there's no shame in making mistakes. You may need some help from MC for a while, and there are some great books out there to get you started. And you may just need to stand your ground here and stop letting your wife push you around or sweet talk you into getting her way. 

Personally, I'd tell you to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Stop Walking On Egg Shells" all on your own in secrecy, and then start telling her "No" more often. Do you think you can't live without her? That's bullsh!t! You already found two women willing to marry you, there's many more out there if this one decides to leave. And do you really think she's treating you like husband a she respects, or more like a father figure who will always bale her out of the sh!t she gets herself into? 

Stand up to her, get your big brass balls strapped on tight, and realize you don't need your wife to like you all the time... you only need her to respect you. I don't mean be a d!ck to her or get abusive in any way... that's not what being a husband is about, just learn it's ok to be the bad guy who tells your immature wife "No" every now and again, let her see you as a man and not a doormat. And for the love of god don't let her manipulate you with sex to get her way or win arguments. Just because she offers doesn't mean you have to take it!

There. I hope that makes enough sense. I'm not telling you by any means to be some alpha wannabe d!ckhead to make yourself feel better.... Just keep your boundaries in mind and stick to them. If she wants to spend money you can't afford, don't let her. If she wants to fight with you and call you every name in the book and some things that aren't true, don't fuel that fire or play along. And if she wants to control you don't let her... she's not going to respect you if even if you do let her. 

Part of the reason why someone like this would get controlling with you (when just months earlier they had to have you exactly as you were) is because they can't deal with themselves and have to feel in control of you to deal with fears that their constant pushing will push you away... so it really is "I hate you", "don't leave me", "now do this one thing for me and I'll be change back and be loving again", then "you're too much of a wimp", and finally "I need to find myself.... in another chase, with a new project, with someone easier to control."


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## Mojochi

There were several individuals writing who claimed to be Paul: many theologians assert that the "wives submit to their husbands" was a convenient patriarchal statement to subordinate women. 

I've experienced some of the same issues with this game, and so I'm going to find a game in which Irishmen/Mexicans/Black Men/Jews are objectified, beaten, robbed and then killed, and have people tell me that "it's just a game." Sexism is so persuasive in our society that you can't even see it. Imagine your wife, sister, or daughter when you see those female characters, and know that with the amount of this permeating our culture, they could be subject to the same violence. If you're not willing to take a stand, well, this is the world you're making for yourselves and your families.


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