# Question for men



## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

I posted recently about finding out my partner looked at porn. I didn't notice one search until a few days ago, I overlooked it since it was a woman's name. The last time he did this was 5 months ago and I recall there was a woman's name that time to. The names are Claudia Marie and Laura Orsolya. When I looked them up I was a little shocked since they are bigger women. I am complete opposite. I'm 5'5" 120 lbs I am in shape and have nice curves and decent muscle tone, no six pack but my stomach is flat. I have a full size b cup so I'm not flat but not big busted either. I'm what you call exotic looking as far as facial features think of Selma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. When you look at porn that's complete opposite of who you are with why is that? Also the Claudia Marie looks similar to his ex that he left, so does he still have desire for her? I'm a little confused. The other searches showed women that had shapes similar to mine so it wasn't that shocking ad opposed to these 2 names


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

For me its more the acts that they do not necessarily how they look ....don't get me wrong they have to be appealing but I'm not really interested in fake boobs or ultra thin.


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> For me its more the acts that they do not necessarily how they look ....don't get me wrong they have to be appealing but I'm not really interested in fake boobs or ultra thin.


He did say it was the acts and when I asked about this particular porn star he said he just remembered her name and figured if he typed her name in maybe I wouldn't figure it out and maybe more porn besides just her would come up


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

are there certain acts that you won't do?


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> are there certain acts that you won't do?


No and I have talked to him to see if we need to experiment and he doesn't want to. He likes what we do and doesn't have any fantasies. We have sex every other day or on the rare occasion every 3 days


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Lizzyb said:


> No and I have talked to him to see if we need to experiment and he doesn't want to. He likes what we do and doesn't have any fantasies. We have sex every other day or on the rare occasion every 3 days


I don't get it. If I had a wife who enjoyed sex and was as hot as you describe yourself with a good attitude about sex I would never look at porn.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Those two stars have enormously large breasts, and I expect that was why he picked them. That doesn't mean that he *prefers* large breasts - a lot of people look for porn for novelty. 

I look at porn for the sex acts, almost never for the stars. I have occasionally searched for porn of types that I don't normally watch just out of curiosity - but that I think is the action of someone who watches frequently and is looking for novelty. 

Its also possible that they were a couple of names he saw somewhere and that he wasn't specifically looking for big breasted women. 

I am concerned about what my wife would think about my porn habit - but I've never thought about what she would think about the porn stars themselves, I've never though of comparing them to my wife at all. My porn use is all about vicariously enjoying sex acts that I can never do in real life. 

Its hard to know, and I think in the end unimportant. He watched some porn - maybe for the novelty of different looking women, maybe for the specific sex acts. He is embarrassed about it and may still not feel comfortable telling you what he watched and why. Even if I told my wife I watched porn, there are some things I watch that I don't think I could admit to. 

Since watching for sex acts seems the most common motivation, maybe see it that fits. If you have figured out what acts he has been watching, are they something you are willing to do for him? (you don't have to, but if you are OK with it it would be a good experiment to see how he reacts).


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I worked with a fellow whose wife was similar in shape to yourself, however, he was an admitted "chubby chaser", and would seek out affairs with, and this is the term he used, BBW-Big Beautiful Women.

It turns out that he basically married for appearance sake, but his true passion was for very large women.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Not a man but ...

I too sometimes search for porn by the name of male or female porn stars. Each porn star has their own style and I can usually count on the video of these stars to illustrate the type of porn acts I'm most interested in. So I wanna see gang bangs - I look for a specific star, deepthroats - that's the specialty of another star. 

Typically these men are the complete opposite of my partner but I'm not searching for them for that reason, I'm searching because I like their sex style. Similarly, the women look drastically different from me or women I would be interested in but there's something about the way they take the d that turns me on.

In much the same way my partner has this one female porn star that he always starts his search with when we view porn together. Her butt is massive and her boobies are bigger than mine, with that little underboob sag that he finds really sexy. The only thing I have in common with her is skin color really. I know this is his fantasy; he likes to see the butt bouncing and boobs flapping when he watches porn. That is all.


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Lizzyb said:
> 
> 
> > No and I have talked to him to see if we need to experiment and he doesn't want to. He likes what we do and doesn't have any fantasies. We have sex every other day or on the rare occasion every 3 days
> ...


That was why I was hurt, however it's only happened 3 times in one year and each time was when we weren't able to have sex so he said he used it as a masturbation aid. He is the type that isn't open with his sexuality and always afraid he is gping to get turned down if he asks, it stems from his bad marriage. Now that we talked he knows he can tell me he is horny and I will be ready and willing. He said he won't need porn anymore now that he has open communication with me


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Everyone is different. Some it may be about the acts, some the looks, some a combination of both. I wouldn't watch a porn if an actress didn't have most of the physical attributes that I find attractive. For example, I don't find tattoos attractive, so the moment I would see one on an actress I would pass on the video.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

(Sorry not a guy). Some people look at porn because they have very specific things they are into. But I suspect a majority of people who view porn are searching for variety. Watching the same type of thing over and over can get very tedious. 

Those women are rather...extraordinary. I think it is novelty and curiosity as Uhtred says. Explored one minute gone the next. 

If you don't mind me asking...how old are you both?


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

uhtred said:


> Those two stars have enormously large breasts, and I expect that was why he picked them. That doesn't mean that he *prefers* large breasts - a lot of people look for porn for novelty.
> 
> I look at porn for the sex acts, almost never for the stars. I have occasionally searched for porn of types that I don't normally watch just out of curiosity - but that I think is the action of someone who watches frequently and is looking for novelty.
> 
> ...


We have talked and he is happy with our sex life and he knows I am open to trying more if he desires. I do know that he looked at some BJ porn so I will make sure to step it up in that department


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

Taxman said:


> I worked with a fellow whose wife was similar in shape to yourself, however, he was an admitted "chubby chaser", and would seek out affairs with, and this is the term he used, BBW-Big Beautiful Women.
> 
> It turns out that he basically married for appearance sake, but his true passion was for very large women.[/QUOTE ]
> 
> That's not very encouraging lol however we have a very strong connection and are very similar. We are truly soulmates


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

peacem said:


> (Sorry not a guy). Some people look at porn because they have very specific things they are into. But I suspect a majority of people who view porn are searching for variety. Watching the same type of thing over and over can get very tedious.
> 
> Those women are rather...extraordinary. I think it is novelty and curiosity as Uhtred says. Explored one minute gone the next.
> 
> If you don't mind me asking...how old are you both?


He is 50 and I am 40


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Lizzyb said:


> The other searches showed women that had shapes similar to mine so it wasn't that shocking ad opposed to these 2 names


Might be similar to a guy who would not trade his Corvette for any other car because it's the best in his eyes, but still is curious to look at new SUV's.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Porn is a lot about variety. That is something that you can never give him. And I don't say that to put you down. Clearly you cannot be every size, every shape, every complexation, and so forth.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife is 4' 11 and 90 lbs. I enjoy looking at good looking all types of women, including big beautiful women. My ex fiancee and a girlfriend are what are called thick girls. I have dated all types and sizes of girls. I have learned throughout the years that sexy is how you act, talk and make love, not how you look. Too many women are hung up on how they look as if that is all that a guy is looking for. A big girl can look just as hot and sexy as anyone else. Size and looks change throughout history. Look at some older paintings and you will see that the hot girls are all Rubenesque, not thin. Thin meant lack of wealth and a better chance of dying in childbirth at one time. 

I can find something hot in most women and it does not have to be looks. There is a lot of porn about Big Beautiful Women for guys who like that. There is probably some truth to your husband liking to look at someone not like you. I do not look at porn with petite women with 38C breasts. I have that at home. I look at porn almost daily and my wife does not mind. She gets the benefit from it.


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## dedad (Aug 22, 2013)

Lizzyb,

Are you worried that your husband is looking at these women because he prefers that type and he is not really attracted to you? If that is the case, as a Man, I would say don't worry about it. We are not wired like that.

In general... men like women. Any man can look at a good looking woman and go 'Wow! hot!'. You are still special and there is nothing to worry about.


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

dedad said:


> Lizzyb,
> 
> Are you worried that your husband is looking at these women because he prefers that type and he is not really attracted to you? If that is the case, as a Man, I would say don't worry about it. We are not wired like that.
> 
> In general... men like women. Any man can look at a good looking woman and go 'Wow! hot!'. You are still special and there is nothing to worry about.


I know he is attracted to me, I think I'm more insulted because these women are not stunningly beautiful. It's a weird feeling is all.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lizzyb said:


> I know he is attracted to me, I think I'm more insulted because these women are not stunningly beautiful. It's a weird feeling is all.


But they have stunningly huge boobs. For some men, that's very attractive. Or at least it's a novelty. Remember, he's looking through his own eyes, not yours.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If he is really shy about saying what he wants, there is a site mojoupgrade that has a 2 person questionnaire. 

I think the way it works is that you each (separately) select out of a list things that you would like for yourself and things that you are happy to do for your partner. Then it tells you what things that at least one of you wants and the other is OK with. Anything that at least one person doesn't want, won't show up on the list. 

If there is something he (or you) would like to try but is to shy to ask for, he can put it on his list. If its on you list of OK things, then great, you get to try. If not, you won't have seen what it was he wanted. 


Meanwhile, don't delay with the BJs. But be sure to tell him what *you* would like him to do for you. (asking him 90% of the way through BJ is fair :wink2: )



Lizzyb said:


> We have talked and he is happy with our sex life and he knows I am open to trying more if he desires. I do know that he looked at some BJ porn so I will make sure to step it up in that department


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Maybe it's that they are different. Variety you know? Most men don't just have one type. Some men don't have any type they like any type. It's doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you. Ask him.


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

uhtred said:


> If he is really shy about saying what he wants, there is a site mojoupgrade that has a 2 person questionnaire.
> 
> I think the way it works is that you each (separately) select out of a list things that you would like for yourself and things that you are happy to do for your partner. Then it tells you what things that at least one of you wants and the other is OK with. Anything that at least one person doesn't want, won't show up on the list.
> 
> ...


I am going to look that up, that's a great idea!


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Maybe it's that they are different. Variety you know? Most men don't just have one type. Some men don't have any type they like any type. It's doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you. Ask him.


I did ask him and he says he likes bodies like mine athletic looking with curves, not skinny and not thick. He said he only looked up Laura because it was name he remembered, he didn't think I would catch on it was a porn star. He said he wasn't interested in her it was just a search term to throw me off and he was hoping that other porn would come up under her name. He said he couldn't type in porn or something graphic since it would be a dead giveaway


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Hes a lucky 50!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lizzyb said:


> I did ask him and he says he likes bodies like mine athletic looking with curves, not skinny and not thick. He said he only looked up Laura because it was name he remembered, he didn't think I would catch on it was a porn star. He said he wasn't interested in her it was just a search term to throw me off and he was hoping that other porn would come up under her name. He said he couldn't type in porn or something graphic since it would be a dead giveaway


Sounds like he needs to work on his internet searching /incognito skills :grin2:


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Hes a lucky 50!


He is and he knows it lol


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

EllisRedding said:


> Lizzyb said:
> 
> 
> > I did ask him and he says he likes bodies like mine athletic looking with curves, not skinny and not thick. He said he only looked up Laura because it was name he remembered, he didn't think I would catch on it was a porn star. He said he wasn't interested in her it was just a search term to throw me off and he was hoping that other porn would come up under her name. He said he couldn't type in porn or something graphic since it would be a dead giveaway
> ...


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

EllisRedding said:


> Everyone is different. Some it may be about the acts, some the looks, some a combination of both. I wouldn't watch a porn if an actress didn't have most of the physical attributes that I find attractive. For example, I don't find tattoos attractive, so the moment I would see one on an actress I would pass on the video.


That's funny, that's my partner as well he finds tattoos very unappealing


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## podiumboy (Apr 2, 2017)

My porn viewing habits have very little to do with my wife. I find my wife extremely attractive, and she is the only person I want to have sex with. She is my ideal body type for a woman, I'm very lucky. Sometimes I watch scenes with women that resemble my wife, other times I don't. I have actively searched out girls who look nothing like my wife on occasion, and it has no bearing on my attraction to my wife.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

...


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Lizzyb said:


> ... The names are Claudia Marie and Laura Orsolya. When I looked them up I was a little shocked since *they are bigger women. I am complete opposite*....
> 
> ....When you look at porn that's complete opposite of who you are with why is that?
> 
> ...Also the *Claudia Marie looks similar to his ex that he left*, so does he still have desire for her? I'm a little confused. The other searches showed women that had shapes similar to mine so it wasn't that shocking ad opposed to these 2 names


I am a guy. Most guys when they look at porn are looking for variety, something different to spike their imagination. The brain is the biggest sex organ.

Just about any woman can be sexy. Sexy is attitude & confidence and that sometimes comes across and onto the camera. BBW women can be sexy as hell. May I ask you to take a moment to watch the following You Tube video (pay special attention to both the audience and the judges reactions). 



 She is skilled and confident. I wouldn't want to be married to but she is kind of fun to watch. 

For myself, when I look at porn (every now and then) it is usually fantasy stuff that I would not want to do with anyone. That is strictly fantasy, no I don't' think I would want to do that in reality, with one exception (oral sex). My wife that I love will not give or receive oral. She thinks it is unclean, unnatural and immoral. I have talked to her about it, tried to negotiate it, our sex therapist tried to talk her into trying it. It is something she is absolutely against, and its her body/mind so I have no right to try to force her. 

If your love life is fine, your husband is faithful, don't worry about it. Just give him that look, shake your head and say silly boy, enjoy yourself, but come to bed with me.

In the big picture of marital problems, this one shouldn't score very high.

Good luck.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Seeking variety in physical appearance is commonplace in fantasy, although I must say those two do nothing for me. 

But porn is largely about attitude: as a viewer, you have a sex-positive virtual partner who's comfortable in her skin and takes it for granted that she is desired, that you want what she's got. And she's going to give it to you _right now_, playfully or in whatever posture turns you on. That right there is far hotter than a nice figure or a pretty face alone. 

A porn actress _might_ have those things as well, but she is *never* painfully shy, insecure, selfish (except in a teasing way), passive, prudish, pious, judgmental, mad, distracted, or bored--all of which are major turn-offs. 

I'm bringing this up because the gestalt of your posts here suggests a need to remake your H's deepest thoughts and instinctual attractions. You don't just want him not to cheat or flirt or watch porn; you literally want him not to desire any other woman sexually:


Lizzyb said:


> *I don't want him to desire anyone else in that way I just want to be his only desire.* Of course it's normal to notice attractiveness but I don't think it should go beyond that.


I'm sorry to say that just isn't how the engine works for most guys. However collaboratively you try to shape his porn use, and however much of a yes-man he's become (having been caught and chastised), you're still essentially operating from a position of consuming insecurity. 

That's a problem because it isn't attractive and it's also futile: you can't ever really be sure of a person's thoughts, let alone control them. But if you re-frame without the fear, accept him as he is wired (while also noting that he has freely chosen YOU), take his desire for you as a given, and continue your sexual adventures confidently, you can co-opt and dominate his fantasy world rather than set yourself up as a disapproving authority figure he has to hide his inner life from.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't find big boobs attractive, but I've watched a little of that type of porn (and many other types) just of of curiosity. Heck I've watched a little gay porn to see if I found it arousing as an experiment. 




EleGirl said:


> But they have stunningly huge boobs. For some men, that's very attractive. Or at least it's a novelty. Remember, he's looking through his own eyes, not yours.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lizzyb said:


> No and I have talked to him to see if we need to experiment and he doesn't want to. He likes what we do and doesn't have any fantasies. We have sex every other day or on the rare occasion every 3 days


I wouldn't be concerned that he is not attracted to you.

He most probably does have fantasies especially a porn watcher.

A lot of times, watching porn is fantasy being played out without the consequences of doing them yourself.

Fantasies can be fun as long as you are rooted in reality.

He probably has a big woman fantasy and he uses the porn to scratch that itch.


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

uhtred said:


> I don't find big boobs attractive, but I've watched a little of that type of porn (and many other types) just of of curiosity. Heck I've watched a little gay porn to see if I found it arousing as an experiment.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I think he has probably watched quite a few things out of curiosity. No harm in that plus he did have a sexless marriage during the last few years of it and I assume that makes you watch quite a bit


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

Young at Heart said:


> Lizzyb said:
> 
> 
> > ... The names are Claudia Marie and Laura Orsolya. When I looked them up I was a little shocked since *they are bigger women. I am complete opposite*....
> ...


Great video and I agree confidence is sexy.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I don't watch a lot of porn but when I do choose to indulge I like to watch stuff where the woman has the look in her eyes that she is really enjoying herself. I don't care about her body type or breast size (I prefer A or B's myself) I just enjoy watching a women really enjoying sex. 

My reasoning is simple. I have sex with my wife but she doesn't seem attracted to me enough to seem to really want to be doing it like in the beginning of our relationship. To me sex is just something she can check off the "to do" list. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

thenub said:


> I don't watch a lot of porn but when I do choose to indulge I like to watch stuff where the woman has the look in her eyes that she is really enjoying herself. I don't care about her body type or breast size (I prefer A or B's myself) I just enjoy watching a women really enjoying sex.
> 
> My reasoning is simple. I have sex with my wife but she doesn't seem attracted to me enough to seem to really want to be doing it like in the beginning of our relationship. To me sex is just something she can check off the "to do" list.
> 
> ...


We have frequent sex, sometimes it's every day but on average it's every other day. We both initiate. We really can't keep our hands off each other we are very affectionate all the time. He is not used to asking if he is in the mood and he isn't sure I am. Which is the reason he said he watched it this last time. I have never told him not to watch it. All I said was if you want to have sex tell me and I am always in the mood when it comes to you. He said now that he knows he can be open with me he wont need to watch it again since he has me as his outlet even if it's just being able to tell me he is horny. So I have never forbid him never said I would leave him. I said I would rather hear that it may happen again so I know that it's possible then for him to make a promise he can't keep. Because I need him to be upfront and honest that's the biggest issue and if he can't then how can I expect him to be in other areas. He still is insisting that he won't. I hope because if I can't be with someone who can't keep their word. If he asks me to not do something that I know is a struggle for me I never make a promise I always tell him I will try but I'm not perfect and I might slip. For example cutting back on drinking. I know I have years to go and I may want to let loose once in awhile and drink until I get drunk so I can't promise.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lizzyb said:


> I hope because if I can't be with someone who can't keep their word.


Out of curiosity if the two of you were going to be apart for some time, and he asked if he could watch porn, what would your response be? 

For the purpose of this question let's assume that the two of you have decided that pictures of videos of you would best if you did not. Because the two of you would not want that content to be somehow discovered by someone else by chance and consider the idea too risky.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Lizzyb said:


> That was why I was hurt, however it's only happened 3 times in one year and each time was when we weren't able to have sex so he said he used it as a masturbation aid. He is the type that isn't open with his sexuality and always afraid he is gping to get turned down if he asks, it stems from his bad marriage. Now that we talked he knows he can tell me he is horny and I will be ready and willing. He said he won't need porn anymore now that he has open communication with me


OK let's stop drinking the bong water and come back down to reality. 

Guys look at porn and sometimes the porn they dig at that particular moment is stuff they may or may not want to have anything to do with in real life. 

Just because someone has a great sex life with a smoke'n hot babe, doesn't mean that they aren't going to pull up some circus midget porn now and then. 

And just because someone is looking at trampling videos of 250lb women with dirty feet, that doesn't mean that they want to have anything to do with that in real life. 

People don't always check out porn because their real life sex life is unsatisfying and so therefor a satisfying real life sex life won't prevent them for looking at it. 

Porn and real life are two different things that often operate on two different systems. 

He told you that because he knows it upsets you that he watching porn and he was just wanting to reassure you that he likes you and that life with you is good.


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

badsanta said:


> Lizzyb said:
> 
> 
> > I hope because if I can't be with someone who can't keep their word.
> ...


I would have to be ok with it and I would have more respect for him for being honest. It's understandable if that were the situation and he had an itch to be scratched and I wasn't around. I know he is visual and it's a tool to get the job completed. I'm trying to teach him this is more about being open and not ashamed than anything and what will ruin us is hI'm not being totally honest and real


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> Lizzyb said:
> 
> 
> > That was why I was hurt, however it's only happened 3 times in one year and each time was when we weren't able to have sex so he said he used it as a masturbation aid. He is the type that isn't open with his sexuality and always afraid he is gping to get turned down if he asks, it stems from his bad marriage. Now that we talked he knows he can tell me he is horny and I will be ready and willing. He said he won't need porn anymore now that he has open communication with me
> ...


Oh if he didn't want to upset me then he could have said a lot of things differently. He woudn't have showed me exactly what he looked at that got the deed done. He wouldmy have opened up as much as he did he would have twisted things around to spare my feelings. He didn't do that. He was crafty in trying to hide it and from other posts there are a number of things guys say to downplay it and he didn't do that


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lizzyb said:


> I would have to be ok with it and I would have more respect for him for being honest. It's understandable if that were the situation and he had an itch to be scratched and I wasn't around. I know he is visual and it's a tool to get the job completed. I'm trying to teach him this is more about being open and not ashamed than anything and what will ruin us is hI'm not being totally honest and real


Without him even asking, you should have that conversation with him so that he understands how you feel. When I was in that situation with my own wife, she had no problems with it. While not ideal, perhaps it made her feel a little more comfortable to know "what" I was watching. In my case I purchased some DVDs and showed them to her beforehand and she did ask a few questions as to why a chose certain things, which just happened to be that those particular DVDs were on clearance for just $5 each. 

Another thing I am getting at, is that you may want to allow him some porn in the house, but limit it to something that does not make you feel too uncomfortable. Perhaps it can be a video on tantric sexual massage, and you may want him to try and learn from it while watching. 

Badsanta


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> I am a guy. Most guys when they look at porn are looking for variety, something different to spike their imagination. The brain is the biggest sex organ.
> 
> Just about any woman can be sexy. Sexy is attitude & confidence and that sometimes comes across and onto the camera. BBW women can be sexy as hell. May I ask you to take a moment to watch the following You Tube video (pay special attention to both the audience and the judges reactions). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRLf-IepDyU She is skilled and confident. I wouldn't want to be married to but she is kind of fun to watch.
> 
> ...


That woman is straight up amazing!


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Lizzyb said:


> Oh if he didn't want to upset me then he could have said a lot of things differently. He woudn't have showed me exactly what he looked at that got the deed done. He wouldmy have opened up as much as he did he would have twisted things around to spare my feelings. He didn't do that. He was crafty in trying to hide it and from other posts there are a number of things guys say to downplay it and he didn't do that


Your husband is lying to you, no doubt. No one looks up specific names hoping to find something other than those names. And why is it that he has those names at his fingertips?

I'd say he's clearly trying to protect your feelings and his privacy all at the same time. If you want to build trust and honesty in him ..... well, you have your work cut out for you.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its difficult to get past the shame problem with sex and fantasy. There is the fear that your partner will react badly to something that is just fantasy. 

If I told my wife that I enjoyed (fake) rape porn, she would be horrified. I don't actually want rape any more than watching Star Wars means that I want to commit mass murder. Its a fantasy, and play acting. Still, I can imagine the reaction. 






wild jade said:


> Your husband is lying to you, no doubt. No one looks up specific names hoping to find something other than those names. And why is it that he has those names at his fingertips?
> 
> I'd say he's clearly trying to protect your feelings and his privacy all at the same time. If you want to build trust and honesty in him ..... well, you have your work cut out for you.


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## musicftw07 (Jun 23, 2016)

Lizzyb said:


> I posted recently about finding out my partner looked at porn. I didn't notice one search until a few days ago, I overlooked it since it was a woman's name. The last time he did this was 5 months ago and I recall there was a woman's name that time to. The names are Claudia Marie and Laura Orsolya. When I looked them up I was a little shocked since they are bigger women. I am complete opposite. I'm 5'5" 120 lbs I am in shape and have nice curves and decent muscle tone, no six pack but my stomach is flat. I have a full size b cup so I'm not flat but not big busted either. I'm what you call exotic looking as far as facial features think of Selma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. When you look at porn that's complete opposite of who you are with why is that? Also the Claudia Marie looks similar to his ex that he left, so does he still have desire for her? I'm a little confused. The other searches showed women that had shapes similar to mine so it wasn't that shocking ad opposed to these 2 names


Speaking as a man in a committed relationship who also sometimes looks at porn... For me, it's about variety. My gf is stunning; tall, long legs, fair skin, dark hair, curvy yet fit and proportionate. Yet, sometimes I look at porn where the female is a bit bigger or a bit smaller. Depends on what strikes my fancy in that moment.



chillymorn69 said:


> *For me its more the acts that they do not necessarily how they look* ....don't get me wrong they have to be appealing but I'm not really interested in fake boobs or ultra thin.


Yup. It's really more about what they're doing as opposed to how they look. Although they have to be attractive enough for me to maintain an erection, so there's that. I prefer amateur porn far more over professional porn, but sometimes you come across people who are on the low-end of the attractiveness spectrum. Boner = gone.


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

I was able to surprise him with a BJ. I think just doing it on a whim is what excites him not so much the act since he didn't let me for very long at all, he wanted to make love instead. I think it just helps him to see that I desire him. I even had him try a different position and told him where I wanted to be touched. He said it was very erotic. he wasn't able to last too long but was able to recover quickly and finish me. Its such a different feeling being so open sexually and I do think it will keep it exciting and bring us even closer.


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## Lizzyb (Mar 29, 2017)

badsanta said:


> Lizzyb said:
> 
> 
> > I would have to be ok with it and I would have more respect for him for being honest. It's understandable if that were the situation and he had an itch to be scratched and I wasn't around. I know he is visual and it's a tool to get the job completed. I'm trying to teach him this is more about being open and not ashamed than anything and what will ruin us is hI'm not being totally honest and real
> ...


I think the tantric dvd might be a good option. I will bring that up to see how he feels on that


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