# Sort of 180ish



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I've learned a lot from this site. Some of you may know I'm in a relationship with a wife who suffers from a bipolar condition. For years, I always caved in to keep things working. That's not saying that I was really taken advantage of, but she very much avoided taking ownership for her condition and the consequences of the cyclical behaviors, like periods of intense bitterness that were completely out of proportion with reality.

Utlimately, after 25 years of marriage, I said that we would have to split if she couldn't take responsibility for the hurt, and ownership for her therapy. She couldn't, so divorce was in process. I stuck to my guns, but it was hard. No more massages when she had a migraine, and certainly not breakfast in bed on the weekends. When she asked about which city to move to, I told her that it was her decision. No more sharing a cup of coffee before work. You get the picture.

This weekend, I learned that my wife was seeing a new therapist. She wrote a committment letter, and handed it to me, asking me to give her a new start. It was simply one of the most beautiful statements I had ever seen. Although she doubted her abilities, she expressed her intent to deal with the consequences of being very critical at times. She said that she wouldn't stop trying until she could get the condition into control Through that, I once again saw the beautiful person I married. I've never seen her so happy as she has been since I agreed. She's laughed for the first time in over a year.

Turns out, her therapist helped her to see that she felt like she deserved to be divorced, so she was pushing away. For several years, she wanted to die, and finally saw this for what it really was. She thought I was moving on and leaving her behind. 

I don't want to reveal personal info, but alot of it had to do with things that I had assumed that she accepted. Has a lot to do with the differences in the way we are aging, and the fact that I still enjoy active hobbies. Also, I had a side career that was real low key in the past, but took off in the last few years. Since she was never interested in it, I never pushed the subject. Now, it includes black tie functions, and some life style changes that she now wants to be a part of.

Makes it all wothwhile.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

That's just awesome! Wonderful news!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Halien,

Way to stay the course.

Black Medicine would likely want that in his victory thread (if his wife hasn't unplugged his computer)


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