# opinions on age differences in relationships



## princess96 (Apr 26, 2016)

what is too old? what is too young? and why.

sent from galaxy note 5


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

princess96 said:


> what is too old? what is too young? and why.
> 
> sent from galaxy note 5



10 years age difference. Because you need to have similar interests in the relationship, attraction, energy level... Unless you are ready to become a caregiver to a much older man...


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

10 years difference is working out pretty well for us (she is 10 years older and 27 years married) although the relationship romantic flame is settling into a strong companionship. At times when the romance is low, I'll surprise her but then I am the more affectionate of the two of us in the last 10 years so it's easy and easily received. 

I would say the main hurdle we face now is retirement... she wants to retire now and spend the time traveling yet I've 10 years to go. We are making a compromise... we've invested enough in retirement and own our home that I'm leaving management at 56 (2 years) and stepping down to less duties somewhere else with less stress and more free time and taking all I can claim at 62 with public service retirement and what is left after Social Security is raided.

We won't be rich, but we are both light spenders and we'll be happy.

Should I be the caregiver if fortunate enough, it will be done with the love and kindness she deserves because she stood by me when I was less than deserving from a decade and a half of stress-induced military service (anger/PTSD).

Would she be too old or I be too young at 10 years difference? We are two completely separate individuals where we need to be, and one individual where it counts.


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> 10 years difference is working out pretty well for us (she is 10 years older and 27 years married) although the relationship romantic flame is settling into a strong companionship. At times when the romance is low, I'll surprise her but then I am the more affectionate of the two of us in the last 10 years so it's easy and easily received.
> 
> I would say the main hurdle we face now is retirement... she wants to retire now and spend the time traveling yet I've 10 years to go. We are making a compromise... we've invested enough in retirement and own our home that I'm leaving management at 56 (2 years) and stepping down to less duties somewhere else with less stress and more free time and taking all I can claim at 62 with public service retirement and what is left after Social Security is raided.
> 
> ...


I think 10 years is very good and shouldn't be a bigger age difference


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

16 years between us. We regularly forget the disparity, unless he mentions something I wasn't yet alive for to witness and experience. Then we laugh. I am quite the old soul.

We have some different preferences and tastes, but in values and world perspectives we are one. 

The possible disadvantages and downfalls I have considered carefully. He worries about me being burdened some day. I wouldn't see it as a burden, I'd see it as the natural way of life that I'm looking forward to if it means we can be together. 

This was the first ever decision I'd made in my life with both eyes wide open for a change. So far in my life, also the best one.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
For a short term relationship I think anything that makes both people happy is fine. 

For long term its much more difficult - one spouse becoming elderly long before the other is really tragic.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'm one of those people who would not embrace a large age gap well...not because I don't think such people can have a great connection, fall in love.. but other *future concerns* come into play...which can potentially cause suffering...things not thought a lot about when everything is going well.. sex drives are similar etc...we feel so in love...

*Time* can throw a monkey wrench into a number of things.. 

So I've learned... Some of us women have Mid life surges in our drives... had my husband been 10+ years older than me.. Oh Lord.. I would have felt like he was a Grandpa !! I was wishing he was 20 yrs younger during that time...and he's only 3 yrs older..

It would have killed us back then.. I needed his vitality & sex drive. 

But then on the other hand.... I would never have the faith to believe some young stud would want to grow old with an older woman.. *too much risk there!*! I always found it very sad  when (example) a Demi Moore falls for an Ashton ...then he breaks her heart for some young beauty & they go on to have babies together...the HOT ride is just not worth the upcoming pain! 

I want someone to grow old with, sitting in the rocking chairs together reminiscing ....not that any of this is guaranteed in life... but it ups one's chances if the ages are closer together... 

I see less of an issue with culture/ beliefs sort of thing.. (many of us have similar views regardless of age)...for me.. it's more about sex drive , physical attraction.. then the worry one of us could be a "caretaker" at a much younger age that should have been...when the others health starts failing...that idea is quite depressing to me...
I'd want to know the man's "genes"/ other relatives live into their 90's + in good health to even consider a man too much older..


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

^^^ The Demi Moore situation was a bit ironic though wasn't it? She seemed like the prototypical midlife crisis, drive your life off the cliff type. Husband and children be damned. But I digress....

Ten yrs up or down seems a good range for all the reasons mentioned. I think this holds mostly for our Western cultures as other cultures have much different views of marriage and love.


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## Forever27 (Mar 15, 2015)

Actually there is a formula for this!

Take the man's age, divide by 2, then add 7. This gives you the minimum age of the women he can date. There is no maximum age.

For example, a 30 yo male can date as young as 22.

I'm kidding of course.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

A large difference can affect the nature of the relationship. My father was 26 years older than my mother. As a result it was more of a father-daughter relationship than one of equals. He said what should happen and she obeyed. I would not recommend that myself.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

So long as they're both consenting adults, I don't see any problem with any sort of age gap. People like to judge what they don't understand. As for the younger partner being a caretaker to the older one, that can happen to people with similar ages as well. People get sick, get into accidents, etc. My husband is 13 years older than me. He is almost 44 years old but he's fit, active and people think he's in his mid to late 30s. My 33 year old brother has way more gray hair than he does. I have seen 30 year olds in less shape than he is. Age isn't everything.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

princess96 said:


> what is too old? what is too young? and why.
> 
> sent from galaxy note 5


My W is 8 years younger than me. However, I have noticed that keeping within 10 years or less seems to work. Why? We look at our lives in decades. History, music, etc. The 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's etc. When with in 10 years both will have a lot in common concerning music and activities when growing up. One person listening to Frank Sinatra and easy listening station may have a hard time getting along with a person who is head banging to Poison or the like. Just my observations.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'm one of those people who would not embrace a large age gap well...not because I don't think such people can have a great connection, fall in love.. but other *future concerns* come into play...which can potentially cause suffering...things not thought a lot about when everything is going well.. sex drives are similar etc...we feel so in love...
> 
> *Time* can throw a monkey wrench into a number of things..
> 
> ...


A lot to think about when reading this. As I posted, no more than 10 years apart seems to be a good number in my head. Beyond that span, as Simply points out, other MAJOR things come into play. My brother married a much older woman. My mother commented that when she gets into her 60's he will loser interest. Needless to day my mom was right on the money.


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## princess96 (Apr 26, 2016)

im 19 and my husband is 33, ive always been into older guys, this is the best relationship ive been in, i had to grow up fast, so when i first met my husband, he thought i was atleast 25, 26 because of my maturity level. age doesnt bother either on of us. 

sent from galaxy note 5


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Depending on who you marry even ages could result in the above. My wife and I are a few months apart in our mid 50's, but mentally she's in her 60's... I'm in my 20's.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

princess96 said:


> im 19 and my husband is 33, ive always been into older guys, this is the best relationship ive been in, i had to grow up fast, so when i first met my husband, he thought i was atleast 25, 26 because of my maturity level. age doesnt bother either on of us.
> 
> sent from galaxy note 5


For me that age spread is quite a bit. As you pointed out, grow up fast as it where. I married my W when I as 27. My W just turned 21. We had a lot to learn together. My W had to grow up quickly as well. 3 months after our wedding our first was conceived. My W and I always had a connection to things as we had similar experience when growing up. Moves, music, etc of the time. 22 years later we are still going strong. However, my W sex drive has doubled. :surprise: No complaints here. :grin2:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

princess96 said:


> what is too old? what is too young? and why.
> 
> sent from galaxy note 5




When I was in high school, everyone dated their own age groups.

That was common then.


Today, I've seen women 18 - 21 dating guys 35+ years old.

I've seen 40+ women dating guys in their 20's and 30's.


I think age today is just a number. Its about the mental and physical connection and do the maturity levels match?


Mrs.CuddleBug is 37 and I'm basically 43, so almost 6 years apart. Means nothing to me being 6 years apart. It's our mental maturity that matches and things in common.


I've had ladies in their teens and 20's flirt and hit on me. Makes me feel young but they're serious.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

john117 said:


> Depending on who you marry even ages could result in the above. My wife and I are a few months apart in our mid 50's, but mentally she's in her 60's... I'm in my 20's.


I was just going to say - my wife is 2 years younger than I am, but she's the "older" of the two of us! Not in a tremendously negative way, but there are times when it's apparent.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Yeswecan said:


> For me that age spread is quite a bit. As you pointed out, grow up fast as it where. I married my W when I as 27. My W just turned 21. We had a lot to learn together. My W had to grow up quickly as well. 3 months after our wedding our first was conceived. My W and I always had a connection to things as we had similar experience when growing up. Moves, music, etc of the time. 22 years later we are still going strong. However, my W sex drive has doubled. :surprise: No complaints here. :grin2:


We conceived our 1st son 3 months in too... I can't say we had any adjustments to make.. we were together for years, then I lived with his parents, then we moved in together while planning oor wedding.. . we were more than ready for a family. So excited.. son was such an easy baby, I wanted another right away.. but that didn't go as planned..

My husband had a higher drive for the 1st 19 yrs.. but he was passive about it.. never complained.. seemed satisfied.. I really didn't "get it" how much more he wanted , some suffering on his end ..







..then mine far surpassed his in mid life to the point -BOY DO I EVER GET IT [email protected]#$

It could have really hurt our marriage had he not cared about how MUCH I needed it... I couldn't lay it down.. not much self control there.. he has lots over me !.... it could have destroyed us ...it's why I landed on this forum even.. so No.. a man too much older -when I hit my prime.. would have been an awful mess [email protected]$#...thank God for Viagra!!.. cause really .. I was wishing he was 20 yrs younger.. I get the whole "Cougar" thing.. very much so!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

As others have said, age means nothing - at the time. That's the caveat. As each person gets older, there will no doubt be issues and outright problems, should the age gap be big enough.

19 and 33? Honestly, no big deal right now (and quite possibly not one in the future, either, to be fair). I've known some mature people in their late teens and early 20's. And these days, 33 is still young (at least to me!)

I'm 40. I can't imagine having a 26 year old wife. At 33, I could handle a 19 year or a 20 year old, no problem.

But what I'd warn against isn't an age thing in your case. That kind of thing can be overcome. What I'd caution you about is settling down this early in life. Whether you agree now or not, when you're 30 or 35, you will likely have the glaring realization that you didn't take the time to fully live a life during those years, and instead settled down into marriage, kids, careers, etc.

It sounds horrendously patronizing, and I don't MEAN it to be, but it's one of those things that with age and life experience, you may wake up one day, 35 years old, and say "Oh s**t".

"It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves."

"The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything."


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I am 39 and I am seeing a lady who is 21. It is wonderful, but I do not expect it to last.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Exceptions to most rules but to say that "age is just a number" when it comes to LTR's or marriage is just silly. Again we have to look at generalities and in general the bigger the age difference the more potential issues. 

Maturity
Life Experience
Stage of Life
Culture
Children
Health
Finances
Careers
Friends
Family
etc.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

princess96 said:


> im 19 and my husband is 33, ive always been into older guys, this is the best relationship ive been in, i had to grow up fast, so when i first met my husband, he thought i was atleast 25, 26 because of my maturity level. age doesnt bother either on of us.


From what you have written, being able to be the little girl in the relationship might well be a bonus at the moment are work very well. Problems could come along later, but that is the nature of all relationships. Consider that he would have to say something along the lines of thinking you were 25/26 for social acceptability.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I want someone to grow old with, sitting in the rocking chairs together reminiscing ....not that any of this is guaranteed in life... but it ups one's chances if the ages are closer together...


That's the way it was supposed to be, the way I intended it to be anyway.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

I work at a college (I'm 47/m and married). I've met several grad students (early-mid 20s) who I could definitely see dating if I was single (which I'm not, happily married - she's 43). The things that make 2 people "click" are so varied, it is silly to focus on age as being so much more important than everything else imo. Some people are "old souls".

For me, would a relationship with a 25 yo work long term? I have no idea. But then again we have no idea how long any relationship will last. I say if the connection is there on both sides who cares what people say? Go for it.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

For long term to work, I think you take the older ones age, divide by 10 and multiple by 2.

At 25, that is 5 years. 35, that is 7 years. At 50, 10 years. At 70, 14 years. At 100, you totally can date an 80 year old.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

4thand11 said:


> But then again we have no idea how long any relationship will last. I say if the connection is there on both sides who cares what people say?


Yes... this.

Most differences are selfish in nature, the difference in age will not be the biggest hurdle, too focused on selfish needs will. If you both want what's best for another, there will be minimal conflict.

Stay true in love, stay open in love, stay truthful in love, the years between will not be thought of.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Can I be so bold as to ask - how do you feel about her looks as she ages and is 10 years ahead of you.

I just turned 50 and it seems my face's aging accelerated overnight. I notice the same thing in other women my age that I haven't seen in a year or so. In general, women's faces seem to age faster than mens. Especially once they hit menopause.

And divorced men in their 40's - 50's seem to date/remarry much younger than their first wife.

I was always afraid to date a man younger than me because I was insecure that he would be turned off as I aged. You sound very much in love with your wife, so I am curious about this. Maybe it's just my insecurity.




Emerging Buddhist said:


> 10 years difference is working out pretty well for us (she is 10 years older and 27 years married) although the relationship romantic flame is settling into a strong companionship. At times when the romance is low, I'll surprise her but then I am the more affectionate of the two of us in the last 10 years so it's easy and easily received.
> 
> I would say the main hurdle we face now is retirement... she wants to retire now and spend the time traveling yet I've 10 years to go. We are making a compromise... we've invested enough in retirement and own our home that I'm leaving management at 56 (2 years) and stepping down to less duties somewhere else with less stress and more free time and taking all I can claim at 62 with public service retirement and what is left after Social Security is raided.
> 
> ...


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

princess96 said:


> *im 19 and my husband is 33*, ive always been into older guys, this is the best relationship ive been in, i had to grow up fast, so when i first met my husband, he thought i was atleast 25, 26 because of my maturity level. age doesnt bother either on of us.
> 
> sent from galaxy note 5


The age gap to me seems large at your age. As you get older, the gap will not seem so extreme. My dad is 13 years older than my mom and they've been married 52 years and counting.  So it can work but we are living in more judgemental times. So you'll need to be able to stand up against snide remarks and even "friends" that can steer you down a dark path. 

The sex rank of a early to mid 20s woman is off the charts compared to most men. A man being 14 years older than his wife requires that he have his $hit together in order to keep her attracted. I'm concerned that you can become a problem for him during your mid 20s if he doesn't stay on top of his game as he hits his 40s.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

For me personally about 5 years either way. I wouldnt want to be with a man more than a few year older/younger than me. I am actually just one year older than my husband and that works well.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

WorkingWife said:


> Can I be so bold as to ask - how do you feel about her looks as she ages and is 10 years ahead of you.
> 
> I just turned 50 and it seems my face's aging accelerated overnight. I notice the same thing in other women my age that I haven't seen in a year or so. In general, women's faces seem to age faster than mens. Especially once they hit menopause.
> 
> ...


What I mostly see is that most men's first wives are on average 3 to 5 years younger but that if they divorce and remarry, their new wife is 8 to 12 years younger. I've only seen a few older woman / younger man couples. Usually it's a small gap 2 to 4 years. 

I have one co-worker that his wife is 12 years older. 
I've seen pics when they were first together. He was 29 and she was 41. It was noticeable but didn't look that bad but now that he's 44 and she's 56, it's not a pretty picture. But he's still with her, so I guess he's happy.

What matters is if the couple is happy and in love. Who are we to judge in either direction.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> I know that formula too. I am 50. She is 31. I can't date her for another two years.


In my experience many women who date/marry a man old enough to be their father often have father issues. They they either lost their father or had a bad father, so they are seeking that father approval/love which is sad.

Trouble is with that age difference is what happened to my dad. he began to get old and died when his wife was still relatively quite young and had a child.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

jsmart said:


> The age gap to me seems large at your age. As you get older, the gap will not seem so extreme. My dad is 13 years older than my mom and they've been married 52 years and counting. So it can work but we are living in more judgemental times. So you'll need to be able to stand up against snide remarks and even "friends" that can steer you down a dark path.
> 
> The sex rank of a early to mid 20s woman is off the charts compared to most men. A man being 14 years older than his wife requires that he have his $hit together in order to keep her attracted. I'm concerned that you can become a problem for him during your mid 20s if he doesn't stay on top of his game as he hits his 40s.


I went out with a girl about eleven years younger. When the issue of what would happen when we got older came up, we would say that I would look after her of course when she was old, but I would still need Saturdays off to play rugby.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

My own opinion, FWIW, i could only go for a maybe 5 year difference...its veey impotant for me to have the same historical grame of reference...

Too much younger and should wouldn't get my 80's jokes. Total deal breaker
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

WorkingWife... you are more than welcome to be so bold.

We had an off morning today, after a bit of disagreement and settling, I finished by telling her she is as beautiful as the day I met her, and I meant it... inside and out.

I know she does not see herself as I do, that is too bad because if she did she would see the woman I have loved for a tad short of 3 decades. What is a wrinkle or two... these do not define the person, actions do.

Yes, of course there are more few more wrinkles, a little less tone as aging brings, but at 53/63 with another year yet to add in the late summer for us both, she still drives me crazy every day she steps from the shower as we prepare for our individual days. And as it comes, I am not ashamed of the lust I feel... she finds it amusing at times I'm sure, questioning how or why... but when I take her face in my hands and kiss her deeply, I know she knows my love and not a wrinkle matters at that moment, and before you know it one loving thing leads quite satisfyingly to another.

I am sitting across the room from her now as she reads the newspaper in the dining room, I honestly had to walk over and give her a kiss before I finished this. Now that I think about it and finish this, I don't think I noticed a wrinkle one.

It hasn't got in the way yet... that's the beauty of it all when you love a committed and heartfelt love. 

The man that sees you that way will not find anything in the way either.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

jsmart said:


> What I mostly see is that most men's first wives are on average 3 to 5 years younger but that if they divorce and remarry, their new wife is 8 to 12 years younger. I've only seen a few older woman / younger man couples. Usually it's a small gap 2 to 4 years.
> 
> I have one co-worker that his wife is 12 years older.
> I've seen pics when they were first together. He was 29 and she was 41. It was noticeable but didn't look that bad but now that he's 44 and she's 56, it's not a pretty picture. But he's still with her, so I guess he's happy.
> ...


This my 3rd marriage. I was married at 22 (she was 19) and spent me into debt and didn't believe me when I set the boundaries, second was at 24 (she was 27) and I caught her in bed in our apartment with her section sergeant (she was military too), enough said there... looks like 3rd time (I was 27, she was 37) was worth the chance (in spades).


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