# Need help/advice!



## momtobells (Apr 2, 2012)

My husband and I have only been married for 3 years coming up on April 23, but I already want out.

Early on in our relationship he started the controlling. Weren't even married yet and all of my money was being put into his checking account, that I wasn't allowed on---and my grocery shopping trips were "supervised". Found out I was pregnant, got married, things got worse. From the time our daughter was born to now, I still am not allowed on his checking account. He's very much a "control freak", taking all of my cash I make from nannying now after groceries are bought and keeping it to himself to "pay bills." The in-debt bills still have yet to be paid. 

Along with his controlling issues, he sees that it is my sole responsibility to take care of our daughter, since he provides the main income. I take my daughter to work with me and am with her all night (he chooses to work 9-9 five days a week). After talking to him many times about sharing the workload around the house a few nights a week and him starting to take an interest in his daughter, I've come back to the main problem again. He is number 1 in his own eyes, then comes work, sports, then his family. 

After talking to a girlfriend yesterday on facebook, telling her my frustrations and reminiscing about our fun days we had together, expressing my hunger for my own life back and some happiness, my husband went into my facebook account and read all of my personal messages. Then proceeded to print them out and laid them on the counter. This is not the first time that divorce has been brought up between my husband and me. Last night he told me that if I chose to divorce him, he would "ruin" me---slandering my name so I wouldn't have any friends left and telling everybody what a "piece-of-****" person I really am. Then he took my car keys away and my only credit card that is for emergencies, but in both of our names. 

What can I do to get myself out of this marriage? My family lives 4 hours from me and from making me so independent on him, my husband has made it almost impossible for me to be on my own. My credit wasn't amazing to begin with, now from he choices to let bills go to collections, it's even worse.

WHAT CAN I DO??? HELP PLEASE!


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Go see a lawyer and find out what rights you have.

From the sound of your husband, it sounds like you will have to file for divorce. You do have rights. He will be ordered to provide you with alimony and child support.

Sorry you are going through this.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

You are entiltled to half of the money, whether he made it or not makes no differerence, and while you've been married you have been building credit...you have options, have you talked with him regarding how you feel?


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## momtobells (Apr 2, 2012)

Yes I have talked to him! Most recently just before Christmas. And I told him then, that if it came to this again, I wasn't giving anymore chances. He thinks using threats against me, ie: last night, told me I would never find anybody that cared about me afterwards (if I chose divorce) and would never make it on my own; because he's used these threats against me before and I was scared enough to stay.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I agree and why put up with this crap contact an atty as soon as possible and file and understand yr rights this sounds like a abusive relationship in the making 

Good Luck


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

momtobells said:


> Yes I have talked to him! Most recently just before Christmas. And I told him then, that if it came to this again, I wasn't giving anymore chances. He thinks using threats against me, ie: last night, told me I would never find anybody that cared about me afterwards (if I chose divorce) and would never make it on my own; because he's used these threats against me before and I was scared enough to stay.


So what are you going to do about it? you already have someone that cares about you..YOU! and your child!...

Are you still afraid of his threats? if so why, you were ok before on your own, why cant you be again? have you asked him about going to counseling, does he know how bad he is hurting you, would he like to see his daughter married to a guy like him, would you?.....


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Go to your friends house.. get an attorney & sue for alimony.
If he threatens to "slander you" & say what a piece of sheit you are.... just say "What , are you scared that your friends/family will find out what a true controlling freak you are?? Because, it WILL come out in the divorce how you take all my money, let me have nothing, and then do NOT pay the bills with the money you take from me".. Then Tell him, he is just scared that HIS friends will know the truth of what a bit SHEIT HE is.


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## annie2 (Apr 3, 2012)

sound like you need to start over. Why wait. You sound like a good person. Time to move on.


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## annie2 (Apr 3, 2012)

Do it for you daughter. Do you want her to learn that is what a man should be like Daughter learn alot form their dads. For your daughter leave soon


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## spearcarrier (Apr 6, 2012)

Hi there.

I can't say you're in the kind of relationship you're describing, but you do sound like you're in an abusive relationship. This man sounds like one of my former relationships. For the sake of my children I got out: I didn't want my daughter growing up with the low self esteem that environment gives and I didn't want my son repeating the pattern. Not to mention the aching inside of me from where I'd lost my sense of identity.

Even if it's not as bad as it sounds, it certainly doesn't sound healthy. It sounds paranoid.

If he feels the need to threaten and control you that much so that you can't even grocery shop or handle the money you've earned, he's the one withe the problem. Not you.

I'm not a person to tell someone to leave their husband, but if nothing else you need to go away for a while and remind yourself who you are. And while you're out there you gotta figure out what makes you happy: a jail cell or the smell of the ocean breeze. And even if it's scarey you gotta do it. And you have to do it soon. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to take the plunge.


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## Ladybug802 (Apr 7, 2012)

You could open your OWN bank account, cash your paycheck for cash, and take that 4 hour trip back home to your family... don't even tell him you are planning to do this,and once it is done, and don't tell him where you are- but tell him you are done. I know, easier said than done.


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