# dealing with exes need advise!



## Raiven (Sep 14, 2009)

my husband is still friends with his exes, as am i. i don't hang out with my exes, but they might text me every so often and i reply, we chit chat. so does he. 

he used to text one in particular in an inapropriate manner, she didn't even know he was with someone! so i asked him to stop that, and he did. i told him i didn't like them talking sexually, but i understand that they are friends and they can still text eachother about friend stuff. it was okay because she lives thousands of miles away, i'm not threatened by her. 

but now she's coming to visit.

and he already has plans to pick her up from the airport and take her out to dinner. 

when he TOLD me (not asked or discussed) that he was taking her out to dinner, i overreacted. i said NO i am not okay with that. he immediatly assumed i was trying to control him and got oppositionally defiant. i asked for a compromise. he won't give me one. he said it's because of the way i said NO right off the bat and now he's not willing to compromise. i admit i got really upset and probably overreacted.

i know he loves me. i know he's not going to leave me for her. but he flat out asked me "why would it upset you if i had sex with her?"

excuse me?

but you know what, i can't seem to put my thoughts into words and awnser him. he said he needs variety in our sex life. i've let him have sex with my best friend when i was comfortable in our relationship. he seems to take it for grantid. i know that, biologically, men crave to spread their seed with many women. but in polite society, we don't do that. 

he rationalizes and sais it's just sex, it doesn't matter he's still coming home to me. i am not okay with that but i can't seem to articulate why in a manner he logically understands and accepts.

am i wrong in being upset that he said that? that he TOLD me, no discussion or anything, that he is going to go out to dinner with his ex who he said quote "i would really enjoy having sex with [her]." "she's the best i ever had" "she only comes around once every five years so what's the big deal" (he said these things to me) 

he told me to trust him, but he makes it sooo hard. i honestly don't think he would cheat on me, but i'm upset about the way he is handiling this situation, the things he's saying to me about sex with another person and i'm frusterated that i can't convey to him why i don't want him having sex with this woman.

i don't know how to handle it. he makes me feel like i am totally wrong for being any kind of upset at this whole thing. he told me to get over it.

sex is something special to be shared with the person in your relationship. that's what makes it a ralationship. that's for me, your gift to me, not anyone else. 

i need help. i would like some sort of opinion from guy and girls...i don't know what to do when he sais these upsetting things to me. i am not okay with him going out to dinner alone with this woman.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I hate to say it but you allowed him to have sex with someone else before and he wants to again. Are you really surprised?

I don't know what to say to you except that you knew he was this kind of person.


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

If you are uncomfortable with it, put your foot down. It is one thing to set up a sexual event when you both want it but if one is uncomfortable it must not happen. This is not OK.


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