# Ladies: Hurt Feeling - What am I missing?



## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

Ok, this ones for the ladies (and gents if you wish... we don't really discriminate here!)

My wife (6 months pregnant) says that she can't feel passion, give kisses, etc because I have hurt her feelings too much in the past. We've only been married a little while.

Says I don't listen to her. 

Says I don't care about her and her desires.

Says I don't try.

I realize that it might be the pregnancy speaking here, or perhaps I am an ignorant baffoon. I, personally, think I try very very hard. I don't get angry, I give her foot rubs nightly, I buy her cards and leave them around the house (She said to stop doing this!) I suprise her with flowers (When she gets mad, into the trash they go!) I watch TV with her for hours (I hate watching TV, but do this because she loves it) I help cook, I help clean, I do laundry, I work full time (She isn't working currently), I do the Ironing.

I'm confused. I tried to give her passionate kisses today and she said she can't kiss me deeply anymore because I've hurt her too much.

I realize women's feelings are more sensitive then men's, but what am I doing wrong here? Of all my relationships, I have never tried so hard to please anyone. I give her oral sex almost daily, and she doesn't ever return the favor (Maybe 4 times since we've been married.) She doesn't complain that physical is all I want, which I always think she'll say... so I don't get it.

It seems to be an emotional thing, but she builds walls that are getting harder and harder to scale! 

Any input for a dumb brute here? What have you found that makes you feel emotionally connnected to your man when he does it?


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

I had a similar issue with my wife early in our marriage as well. I thought I was doing everything right, turns out I wasn't but I didn't understand that. I backed off on a lot of things. I would still do them but much less frequently. It did make a difference. Don't let those walls she puts up get too high. My marriage is hanging on it's last thread right now basically because of walls that she put up and walls I put up because of it.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Have you asked her exactly how you've hurt her, and then asked what you can do to make up for it? Or are you just taking wild stabs in the dark regarding what you're trying to do to make things better? Is she being withholding or vague about how you've hurt her?


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

Why haven't you asked her what is hurting her so deeply? All the stuff you are doing is nothing if you have done something in the past and have yet to acknowledge.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Snowflakes (Feb 18, 2017)

Women are too sensitive, it might take a while for things to get back normal between you too but you shouldnt give up, you find out what hurt her most and try to fix the mess you made


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

She throws your gift of flowers into the rubbish? I know there is a much bigger picture at stake here but this stood out. MrH's ex did this, sorry but I find that sort of behaviour to be "crazy making". I would flat out tell her that she has hurt your feelings by trashing a gift that you gave her with love.

I get the pregnancy hormones make women a bit unhinged at times but was she like this before pregnancy? If it isn't pregnancy related then you may well have stepped aboard the crazy train with this one. Time to sit down and tell her this needs to be discussed NOW and sorted out.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

MrsHolland said:


> *She throws your gift of flowers into the rubbish? *I know there is a much bigger picture at stake here but this stood out. MrH's ex did this, sorry but I find that sort of behaviour to be "crazy making". I would flat out tell her that she has hurt your feelings by trashing a gift that you gave her with love.
> 
> I get the pregnancy hormones make women a bit unhinged at times but was she like this before pregnancy? If it isn't pregnancy related then you may well have stepped aboard the crazy train with this one. Time to sit down and tell her this needs to be discussed NOW and sorted out.


I was thinking the same thing...I can't imagine doing something so cruel to my husband, no matter how angry I was at him...


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Snowflakes said:


> *Women are too sensitive*, it might take a while for things to get back normal between you too but you shouldnt give up, you find out what hurt her most and try to fix the mess you made


Don't say this. It's a generalization and it's dismissive of all women, and it's an emotionally abusive statement. If a woman is hurt by your actions or by your words, it matters. It is important. It matters very deeply to her, and if you don't take her hurt seriously, you will soon find yourself without that woman.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> She throws your gift of flowers into the rubbish? I know there is a much bigger picture at stake here but this stood out. MrH's ex did this, sorry but I find that sort of behaviour to be "crazy making". I would flat out tell her that she has hurt your feelings by trashing a gift that you gave her with love.
> 
> I get the pregnancy hormones make women a bit unhinged at times but was she like this before pregnancy? If it isn't pregnancy related then you may well have stepped aboard the crazy train with this one. Time to sit down and tell her this needs to be discussed NOW and sorted out.


I agree. She claims that she's been hurt, but doesn't seem to care about her husband's feelings when she does this.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

hifromme67 said:


> Why haven't you asked her what is hurting her so deeply? All the stuff you are doing is nothing if you have done something in the past and have yet to acknowledge.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Oooh, i've asked her. I am pretty attentive and can notice little shifts in her feelings. When i notice, I immediately ask what is bothering her. 

I've point blanked asked what I did wrong to hurt her feelings, to which she replied last night, "Not my job to tell you... google it." When I gently pressed for more assistance, she rolled over in bed.

I think she gunnysacks a lot, and doesn't forgive easily. One little look can set her off, because she hasn't let go of the past hurts (Again, nothing outside of a normal healthy relationship. No cheating, no abuse, no screaming etc...)


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

MrsHolland said:


> She throws your gift of flowers into the rubbish? I know there is a much bigger picture at stake here but this stood out. MrH's ex did this, sorry but I find that sort of behaviour to be "crazy making". I would flat out tell her that she has hurt your feelings by trashing a gift that you gave her with love.
> 
> I get the pregnancy hormones make women a bit unhinged at times but was she like this before pregnancy? If it isn't pregnancy related then you may well have stepped aboard the crazy train with this one. Time to sit down and tell her this needs to be discussed NOW and sorted out.


Unfortunatetly, yes, that's one way she handles things. 

Flowers, Pictures, Gifts she's tossed. I always find them in the kitchen trash and pull them out. 

I think it's her way of hurting me. I have learned to just ignore it. I'm not here to disect her actions, but more on what I can do to help her feel loved.

I really need to have her read the "5 love languages" I know she keeps my cards, but she did tell me that the card I gave her for Vday wasn't good enough, because I bought a wordy one, and just signed it. She said that a true card has all the words written inside of it from the person, not the printed words. I learned my lesson on that one!!!  

I'm not interested in dumping her or moving on. If this relationship doesn't work, I'm out of the marriage/relationship game forever... so I really want to find out what I can do better.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MrNightly said:


> Oooh, i've asked her. I am pretty attentive and can notice little shifts in her feelings. When i notice, I immediately ask what is bothering her.
> *
> I've point blanked asked what I did wrong to hurt her feelings, to which she replied last night, "Not my job to tell you... google it."* When I gently pressed for more assistance, she rolled over in bed.
> 
> I think she gunnysacks a lot, and doesn't forgive easily. One little look can set her off, because she hasn't let go of the past hurts (Again, nothing outside of a normal healthy relationship. No cheating, no abuse, no screaming etc...)


Your wife is clearly lacking in relationship skills. This is very immature. You're not a mind reader. How does she expect to have a healthy relationship with her husband if she won't communicate with you? You've married an impetuous child, I'm afraid.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> Your wife is clearly lacking in relationship skills. This is very immature. You're not a mind reader. How does she expect to have a healthy relationship with her husband if she won't communicate with you? You've married an impetuous child, I'm afraid.


Quite possibly she is an impetuous Child, I've considered that. Doesn't change my requirement to love her and not be a child back. 

That being said, what would you recommend for a guy to do, to help her feel loved?

And BTW she's an immigrant and has only been in the states for 7 years. She speaks 7 languages, but hasn't mastered English... so that has to be considered.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> Snowflakes said:
> 
> 
> > *Women are too sensitive*, it might take a while for things to get back normal between you too but you shouldnt give up, you find out what hurt her most and try to fix the mess you made
> ...


I agree with this, up to a point. As we found out in later posts, his wife may have some personality issues (when he asks what's wrong she won't tell him and tells him to "Google it").

Also, about taking her hurt seriously... I agree 100% if you are dealing with someone who is average in the areas of mental and emotional health and reasonability. Not so much if the person is broken and has personality disorders and the disorders are driving their "hurt feelings". Then, you can get into the area of enabling someone's emotional abuse of YOU due to their skewed, ****ed up, broken perceptions.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

MrNightly said:


> FeministInPink said:
> 
> 
> > Your wife is clearly lacking in relationship skills. This is very immature. You're not a mind reader. How does she expect to have a healthy relationship with her husband if she won't communicate with you? You've married an impetuous child, I'm afraid.
> ...


If you truly are not doing anything most reasonable, normal, average people would consider hurtful, then you are NEVER going to help her feel loved. Not if she has big personality disorders. It will be like beating your head against a brick wall. I know this because I lived it.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MrNightly said:


> Quite possibly she is an impetuous Child, I've considered that. Doesn't change my requirement to love her and not be a child back.
> 
> That being said, what would you recommend for a guy to do, to help her feel loved?
> 
> And BTW she's an immigrant and has only been in the states for 7 years. She speaks 7 languages, but hasn't mastered English... so that has to be considered.


What each person needs is different. Do you know what her love languages are?

This also may be an instance of cultural differences. In her culture, how do they show love? This may be what she is expecting.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

MrNightly said:


> *I've point blanked asked what I did wrong to hurt her feelings, to which she replied last night, "Not my job to tell you... google it."* When I gently pressed for more assistance, she rolled over in bed.


Well that's ridiculous, you're a married couple for goodness sake, not in high school. She's acting like a teenage girl. You're not a mind reader!



MrNightly said:


> I think it's her way of hurting me. I have learned to just ignore it. I'm not here to disect her actions, but more on *what I can do to help her feel loved*.
> 
> I really need to have her read the "5 love languages" I know she keeps my cards, *but she did tell me that the card I gave her for Vday wasn't good enough, because I bought a wordy one, and just signed it. She said that a true card has all the words written inside of it from the person, not the printed words.* I learned my lesson on that one!!!


I am honestly gobsmacked by your wife's incredibly immature, bratty behaviour. It honestly seems that no matter what you do it will be wrong in her eyes, there's just no pleasing her.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Your wife doesn't sound sensitive, she sounds like a jerk. A pregnant jerk, but a jerk. You married a jerk. lol 

I'm not very helpful, but pretending that this is about how sensitive women are, won't help you. Treating one's spouse like crap is emotionally abusive, and frankly...pregnancy or not, this sounds like what you're in, here. An emotionally abusive relationship. 

Was she like this when you dated?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your wife does sound hard to deal with. Too bad she's not here to tell her side of things.

I think that the two of you would benefit from reading the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs" and do the work that they suggest.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

MrNightly said:


> Oooh, i've asked her. I am pretty attentive and can notice little shifts in her feelings. When i notice, I immediately ask what is bothering her.
> 
> I've point blanked asked what I did wrong to hurt her feelings, to which she replied last night, *"Not my job to tell you... google it."* When I gently pressed for more assistance, she rolled over in bed.
> 
> I think she gunnysacks a lot, and doesn't forgive easily. One little look can set her off, because she hasn't let go of the past hurts (Again, nothing outside of a normal healthy relationship. No cheating, no abuse, no screaming etc...)


Yes it is her job to tell you unless it is something unbelievably obvious.

It took me years to translate that one with my XW. It means that - she's now realized that whatever it was that she got mad about is so irrelevant that she knows she'll sound like an idiot if she says anything but hasn't thought up anything else that is plausible yet. It's a way to avoid saying "Sorry I was wrong, I shouldn't have flown off at you for no reason" which she would easily be able do if she really respected your relationship.

If she doesn't forgive and move on then you are going to have a real tough time of a relationship. How bad are the past hurts? 

My ex-MIL used to regularly come up with a story about a mistake her H made while looking after the kids some 30+ years earlier. Yeah he made a mistake but dragging it up 30 years later shows a real problem.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> What each person needs is different. Do you know what her love languages are?
> 
> This also may be an instance of cultural differences. In her culture, how do they show love? This may be what she is expecting.


I haven't officially gone thru them with her, but I'd guess they are service and touch. It is a book we need to go thru together. 

I need to do more research on the Thai culture... she has a habit of burning bridges with friends so i haven't had much luck learning through those yet. 

I do know they aren't a cheating culture, and the women are typically very loyal, but with any culture there is no guarantee one is the same as the next.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Your wife does sound hard to deal with. Too bad she's not here to tell her side of things.
> 
> I think that the two of you would benefit from reading the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs" and do the work that they suggest.


Yes there is always another side to the story...

She was saying recently that it was true what her friends told her.. once you marry, it's much different then being bf/gf. (She was married previously for 10 years but never loved him from a prearraigned marriage) 

I asked what she meant and she said i wasn't the same as before... i tried to dig a little deeper and she said that i didnt care for her anymore. 

I was shocked, slightly, as she always tells me is my fault. . But i didnt understand how i could love her more and more each day and not be shown to her. 

Perhaps this is just a passing phase... i really just want her to be happy... Hence my requests for ideas from you all.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

*Deidre* said:


> Your wife doesn't sound sensitive, she sounds like a jerk. A pregnant jerk, but a jerk. You married a jerk. lol
> 
> I'm not very helpful, but pretending that this is about how sensitive women are, won't help you. Treating one's spouse like crap is emotionally abusive, and frankly...pregnancy or not, this sounds like what you're in, here. An emotionally abusive relationship.
> 
> Was she like this when you dated?


Yes, it's emotionally abusive. But nothing i can do about it right now. 

It's mostly my mistake really.. we only dated half a year when she got pregnant.. she had told me that her doctor had declared her infertile and unable to ever have kids... so i didn't track her period and use protection. Tada.. she got pregnant.. so i quickly proposed and we married.

She built walls prior to getting married yes... i just hoped that with our loving relationship it would get better with time.


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## blueberries (Dec 4, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> *Deidre* said:
> 
> 
> > Your wife doesn't sound sensitive, she sounds like a jerk. A pregnant jerk, but a jerk. You married a jerk. lol
> ...


I read the whole thread and this stood out to me. It seems so fishy. I think she is lying about being infertile to trap you into marrying her. Is she a citizen? Does she have a green card? How did you meet her? She was married for 10 years but only now realized that her what her friend says is true about bf/gf and marriage? No offense but I think you've got yourself a bad one. You married her way too soon. She sounds like she has many personality issues and also...everyone knows marriage is different from bf/gf stage. When you try to talk to her and she says "google it..". Are you fking with me?! How old is she?

Sorry to tell you this, but it won't get any better with her being this way. You only get better by communicating...who the heck thinks it's okay to tell your spouse to google it. I don't know, are you putting her on a pedestal so much and now she thinks she's miles above you, better than you so it's okay for her to treat you this way?

The next time she throws your gift in the garbage, let it stay there and don't ever take it back out. Stop enabling her childish and abusive behavior. You're going to lose yourself to this woman if you don't protect yourself now.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I have a tendency to agree with Blueberries, something doesn't make sense and it appears she is leading you around by the nose and having very high expectations as to what you should be doing without actually letting you know. She is being super disrespectful and I think it is time you took her down of the pedestal you have placed her on, pregnant or not.

She doesn't sound like she is very young either so should be more mature about working on the communication in your marriage. It sounds like you pander to her quite a bit. I would suggest you sit her down and tell her how things are going to be in a loving way.

Tell her, 
1. No more **** tests, if she is unhappy about something pouting about it will not solve the problem, to speak about it.
2. You expect her to respect you and not treat you like some sort of slave to be pushed around by her moods
3. YOu understand she is pregnant but that does not mean she can behave badly

are you the same culture as she? Is there an age gap between you?
You have to step up and lead the marriage, she is taking you for a ride.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Sounds like she may be projecting. 

In other words, she says you don't act like you love her when actually that's how she feels about you. 

Shat does SHE do to show she loves you? Concrete examples.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> Yes, it's emotionally abusive. But nothing i can do about it right now.
> 
> It's mostly my mistake really.. we only dated half a year when she got pregnant.. she had told me that her doctor had declared her infertile and unable to ever have kids... so i didn't track her period and use protection. Tada.. she got pregnant.. so i quickly proposed and we married.
> 
> She built walls prior to getting married yes... i just hoped that with our loving relationship it would get better with time.


Always use protection - always. People lie. 

Sorry you're in such a mess, but yea...sounds like you're too trusting. Prayers that you find a peaceful way out, because I don't see your marriage working.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

How long has this behavior been going on? If it's just started since she's become preggers, then maybe it'll get better after the baby is born. That's probably wishful thinking. . . . 

I wish we had her side of the story because I find it hard to believe that she's acting like this for no reason (not to say that it's okay that she's acting like this). You two would probably benefit from marriage counseling. She seems to think that you should know what the issues are and you claim to not know what the issues are. So there are huge communication issues. It seems that you are also dealing with PA behavior as well. I recommend getting into counseling asap.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> How long has this behavior been going on? If it's just started since she's become preggers, then maybe it'll get better after the baby is born. That's probably wishful thinking. . . .
> 
> I wish we had her side of the story because I find it hard to believe that she's acting like this for no reason (not to say that it's okay that she's acting like this). You two would probably benefit from marriage counseling. She seems to think that you should know what the issues are and you claim to not know what the issues are. So there are huge communication issues. It seems that you are also dealing with PA behavior as well. I recommend getting into counseling asap.


Yes, I agree. I asked her last week about going to therapy with me, and she didn't say no, but was very wishy-washy. She feels she has clearly told me what I need to change in my life, and I just don't listen. I believe she is very good willed, but her past is haunting her. Her past is full of unfortunate happenings and abuse from BF's and MIL's... her mom died when she was 13, and then her twin sister was killed in a car wreck at 17... and my wife was the one driving. Her uncle/father were in LEO in Thailand and have a brute force way of dealing with problems... literally.

I believe that her heart is gold... she just doesn't know how to unpack it yet.

I've got a great marriage therapist I can see if we can get into... I was looking for a Thai/English one, but didn't have any luck in my city finding one. 

Thanks for the encouragement.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

Satya said:


> Sounds like she may be projecting.
> 
> In other words, she says you don't act like you love her when actually that's how she feels about you.
> 
> Shat does SHE do to show she loves you? Concrete examples.


She cooks. She always keeps me well fed. I've put on 7lbs with her since she got pregnant! 

She keeps the house immaculate.

She loves my family like her own. 

She loves my daughters (10 and 12) like her own

She doesn't withhold sex... most of the time.

She dresses me with style

She keeps herself in great condition 


I think i have had a small epiphony... everything she does is about serving, and not words. My primary love language (a 13) is words of affirmation. She always says that Words are worthless, actions speak. I tend to spout words of love, and she just doesn't need that. She wants actions (which I thought I was doing well...but obviously not well enough!!)

Little things set her off, like me playing a game on my phone after the girls are in bed or working too much. Or, a big wall-building time she had, was early on, she found a bunch of cards from my ex GF of 3+ years on my shelf in my office at home. I had forgotten they were there. I promptlly burned them to show they meant nothing to me, but she said she couldn't forgive me for not getting rid of them before. I had failed to go through my home with a fine-tooth comb before she moved in obviously! I quickly spend an afternoon scouring the house to ensure nothing was left from previous relationships... 

I suppose I was a brute to leaving a stack of cards on my shelf... but you would think that burning them and apologizing would be a good step right? 

This goes back to Actions. She has said, that a person gets 3 strikes. If they hurt the other person's feelings more then 3 times, they are out. I tried to reason with her that everyone hurts the other person's feelings at times, and that just wasn't happening, and it should be the good will they have toward the other person that counts. She has never apologized once to me, in our entire marriage... haha. The irony of it all.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

This tells me that she's either emotionally checked out, or doesn't know how to deal with communication. If it's important to you, I would keep trying to get her to talk, and if she doesn't want to, suggest marital counselling, perhaps?



MrNightly said:


> Oooh, i've asked her. I am pretty attentive and can notice little shifts in her feelings. When i notice, I immediately ask what is bothering her.
> 
> I've point blanked asked what I did wrong to hurt her feelings, to which she replied last night, "*Not my job to tell you... google it." When I gently pressed for more assistance, she rolled over in bed*.
> 
> I think she gunnysacks a lot, and doesn't forgive easily. One little look can set her off, because she hasn't let go of the past hurts (Again, nothing outside of a normal healthy relationship. No cheating, no abuse, no screaming etc...)


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

MrNightly said:


> Yes, it's emotionally abusive. *But nothing i can do about it right now.*
> 
> It's mostly my mistake really.. we only dated half a year when she got pregnant.. she had told me that her doctor had declared her infertile and unable to ever have kids... so i didn't track her period and use protection. Tada.. she got pregnant.. so i quickly proposed and we married.
> 
> She built walls prior to getting married yes... i just hoped that with our loving relationship it would get better with time.


Yes there is. Make her realize that what she's doing is emotionally abusive and stop acting on it. Explain that if she tells you what is wrong then you can deal with it together, if she goes into sulks and "Google it" then you will make no attempt to waste your time and try and fix something that you don't know, and the next gift she throws away is the last one she gets. 



MrNightly said:


> I think i have had a small epiphony... everything she does is about serving, and not words. My primary love language (a 13) is words of affirmation. She always says that Words are worthless, actions speak. I tend to spout words of love, and she just doesn't need that. She wants actions (which I thought I was doing well...but obviously not well enough!!)


Be careful here. When she won't tell you what you are not doing that she expects then what you do will never be enough. 



MrNightly said:


> Little things set her off, like me playing a game on my phone after the girls are in bed or working too much. Or, a big wall-building time she had, was early on, she found a bunch of cards from my ex GF of 3+ years on my shelf in my office at home. I had forgotten they were there. I promptlly burned them to show they meant nothing to me, but she said she couldn't forgive me for not getting rid of them before. I had failed to go through my home with a fine-tooth comb before she moved in obviously! I quickly spend an afternoon scouring the house to ensure nothing was left from previous relationships...
> 
> I suppose I was a brute to leaving a stack of cards on my shelf... but you would think that burning them and apologizing would be a good step right?
> 
> This goes back to Actions. She has said, that a person gets 3 strikes. If they hurt the other person's feelings more then 3 times, they are out. I tried to reason with her that everyone hurts the other person's feelings at times, and that just wasn't happening, and it should be the good will they have toward the other person that counts. She has never apologized once to me, in our entire marriage... haha. The irony of it all.


Little things are called little things for a reason, they are pretty well insignificant. I loved with that for 18+ years, "Little things mean a lot to me" translates to "I give myself carte blanche to justify finding fault with anything and everything". The example you gave should have been done and over in a couple of minutes. "What are these?", "Oh I didn't even realize I had them ..... they're in the trash now". 

The never apologizing is a huge issue on it's own. It shows that she either thinks she is faultless and has never done anything wrong or she doesn't have enough respect for you to say "Sorry". Either way that is a very bad sign for a relationship.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MrNightly said:


> I haven't officially gone thru them with her, but I'd guess they are service and touch. It is a book we need to go thru together.
> 
> I need to do more research on the *Thai culture.*.. she has a habit of burning bridges with friends so i haven't had much luck learning through those yet.
> 
> I do know they aren't a cheating culture, and the women are typically very loyal, but with any culture there is no guarantee one is the same as the next.



Maybe you need to buy her a new water buffalo. 

AND...of course I'm just kidding y'all. 

FeministInPink....its a joke...okay?


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

MrNightly said:


> Or, a big wall-building time she had, was early on, she found a bunch of cards from my ex GF of 3+ years on my shelf in my office at home. I had forgotten they were there. I promptlly burned them to show they meant nothing to me, but she said she couldn't forgive me for not getting rid of them before. I had failed to go through my home with a fine-tooth comb before she moved in obviously! I quickly spend an afternoon scouring the house to ensure nothing was left from previous relationships...
> 
> I suppose I was a brute to leaving a stack of cards on my shelf... but you would think that burning them and apologizing would be a good step right?


I think the problem here is you are ***** whipped and don't know how to deal with a strong willed woman. That has now escalated and may be worse due to pregnancy hormones. I've got some buddies that are the same way with their wives. They know the correct way to handle it is to not tolerate the crazy from their wives, yet are seemingly unable to put that plan into action. One buddy in particular has a wife that frequently was acting crazy and when they visited and liked causing a bunch of drama. I don't do drama so I told her a couple years ago that if she can't control herself she wasn't welcome anymore, and the problems instantly resolved themselves when she is around me. I think I am the first man that has ever stood up to her in her life and she surprisingly respected me for it and agreed to my requests.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Maybe you need to buy her a new water buffalo.
> 
> AND...of course I'm just kidding y'all.
> 
> FeministInPink....its a joke...okay?


Hey, I have a sense of humor!!! 

(And I did think it was funny.  I know you well enough to get your jokes!)


----------



## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

Bananapeel said:


> I think the problem here is you are ***** whipped and don't know how to deal with a strong willed woman. That has now escalated and may be worse due to pregnancy hormones. I've got some buddies that are the same way with their wives. They know the correct way to handle it is to not tolerate the crazy from their wives, yet are seemingly unable to put that plan into action. One buddy in particular has a wife that frequently was acting crazy and when they visited and liked causing a bunch of drama. I don't do drama so I told her a couple years ago that if she can't control herself she wasn't welcome anymore, and the problems instantly resolved themselves when she is around me. I think I am the first man that has ever stood up to her in her life and she surprisingly respected me for it and agreed to my requests.


I've considered this but i just don't see it working and here's why...

On vday she didn't get me a card or anything... granted, i had to work out of town that day about 3hrs away and i took her with me for the road trip. It kinda bothered me she didn't get me anything, as it was our first married vday. So as we pulled into the little town i had to meet my client in, i stopped for dinner first. It was the only restaurant in the area and as we pulled up, and i joked that at least on vday we get a cheap dinner.. lol... and she said it was a bad vday, and i said at least you got a card and flowers and this Jasmin tree she has been wanting... i then asked her why she didn't feel like getting me a card? She said, i didnt have to 'cause your ex gf gave you so many... when i firmly put my foot down and said, that's not fair. You can't judge me based on past relationships... and i didn't appreciate her disrespect to me.. she stood up and walked out before we even took a drink order. 

Now this was a little town but i gave her a few minutes then walked outside to find her. I couldn't find her anywhere in the square... after calling and not picking up i got in the car to drive around and finally found her on a park bench. 

She promptly told me she wanted a divorce.

That took several days to work through... but the putting my foot down only will make her run away. I don't think she wants a divorce but she truly gets her feelings hurt by anything and everything i say or do. I can't be forceful with her, or she'll run.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

"Wife, if the ways I am hurting you are not important enough to communicate directly, then clearly it is not important enough for me to google."

Then proceed to do less, not more.

When she loses her mind over it:

"When you can start to communicate your specific problems with me, I will be willing to listen."

You have married a pain in the ass.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

MrNightly said:


> She was saying recently that it was true what her friends told her.. once you marry, it's much different then being bf/gf.


Wtaf? Of course it's different!!! Omg...



MrNightly said:


> .. she stood up and walked out before we even took a drink order.
> 
> Now this was a little town but i gave her a few minutes then walked outside to find her. I couldn't find her anywhere in the square... after calling and not picking up i got in the car to drive around and finally found her on a park bench.
> 
> ...


So you're prepared to spend the rest of your life with a woman who threatens you with divorce at every turn?? Every time you express something that she doesn't agree with??


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Are you going to walk on eggshells forever? 

Maybe the thing she is not telling you she wants is for you to grow a pair. She's constantly **** testing you and you are constantly failing. 

Old me would have done the same at the restaurant, new me would order and enjoy dinner. You told her you didn't appreciate being disrespected and then she does more of that by getting up and walking out?

Gifts get thrown out? No more gifts.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I think you have married someone that is extremely difficult. Her actions do not portray someone that has a heart of gold. 

I'd be real tempted to turn the tables on her. 3 Strikes? You can come up with 3 examples very easily. 1. You were hurt when she abandoned you at Vday dinner. 2. You were hurt when she told you to "google" something instead of talking rationally to you. 3. You were hurt when she threw away your flowers out of anger & spite. 3 strikes, wife, so you're out. That's ridiculous BTW. She's going to end up alone & lonely if she continues this mentality throughout her life. 

I recommend very limited contact with her until you can get into counseling with her.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

MrNightly said:


> I've considered this but i just don't see it working and here's why...
> 
> On vday she didn't get me a card or anything... granted, i had to work out of town that day about 3hrs away and i took her with me for the road trip. It kinda bothered me she didn't get me anything, as it was our first married vday. So as we pulled into the little town i had to meet my client in, i stopped for dinner first. It was the only restaurant in the area and as we pulled up, and i joked that at least on vday we get a cheap dinner.. lol... and she said it was a bad vday, and i said at least you got a card and flowers and this Jasmin tree she has been wanting... i then asked her why she didn't feel like getting me a card? She said, i didnt have to 'cause your ex gf gave you so many... when i firmly put my foot down and said, that's not fair. You can't judge me based on past relationships... and i didn't appreciate her disrespect to me.. she stood up and walked out before we even took a drink order.
> 
> ...


Guys that are PW'd never see taking a stand as working. But, in fact, it is the only thing that works. I would NEVER tolerate a woman treating me the way she treats you. If my woman had a temper tantrum (you realize that's what she had, right?) and walked out on me I'd leaver it to her to come find me when she had calmed down and was ready to talk in a mature adult manner. I would have stayed and enjoyed my meal without her. The last thing I would have done is chased after her and rewarded her for treating me poorly. I just value myself too much to allow myself to be mistreated. Why can't you do the same?


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

Bananapeel said:


> Guys that are PW'd never see taking a stand as working. But, in fact, it is the only thing that works. I would NEVER tolerate a woman treating me the way she treats you. If my woman had a temper tantrum (you realize that's what she had, right?) and walked out on me I'd leaver it to her to come find me when she had calmed down and was ready to talk in a mature adult manner. I would have stayed and enjoyed my meal without her. The last thing I would have done is chased after her and rewarded her for treating me poorly. I just value myself too much to allow myself to be mistreated. Why can't you do the same?


Because i don't want to go through another divorce... and i want to raise my new daughter on the way in a real family, not a divided one again.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think you need to consider what kind of family life you will have with your wife. Sometimes, co parenting as unmarried parents is a healthier environment than as married parents.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

Livvie said:


> I think you need to consider what kind of family life you will have with your wife. Sometimes, co parenting as unmarried parents is a healthier environment than as married parents.


Understand that. I've done it with my two daughters. 

I am afraid she will leave to go back to Thailand with my baby... shes threatened as much. I of course would have the courts intervene but there is not saying that she wouldn't run. 

And, we really do have great days together... great days. Just when she is in wall building mood there's no way around it.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> Yes, it's emotionally abusive. But nothing i can do about it right now.
> 
> It's mostly my mistake really.. we only dated half a year when she got pregnant.. she had told me that her doctor had declared her infertile and unable to ever have kids... so i didn't track her period and use protection. Tada.. she got pregnant.. so i quickly proposed and we married.
> 
> She built walls prior to getting married yes... i just hoped that with our loving relationship it would get better with time.


Sounds like you were bag and tagged. You swallowed hook line and sinker. I think she lied about not being able to get pregnant. O my word. 

How long was she divorced before dating/marrying you?

You can not fix her. Do you understand. You can do nothing if she chooses to be unhappy. Some people are just that way. 

You can be as kind and attentive as you want and can, but it will be to no use if she chooses to be the way she is.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> I've considered this but i just don't see it working and here's why...
> 
> On vday she didn't get me a card or anything... granted, i had to work out of town that day about 3hrs away and i took her with me for the road trip. It kinda bothered me she didn't get me anything, as it was our first married vday. So as we pulled into the little town i had to meet my client in, i stopped for dinner first. It was the only restaurant in the area and as we pulled up, and i joked that at least on vday we get a cheap dinner.. lol... and she said it was a bad vday, and i said at least you got a card and flowers and this Jasmin tree she has been wanting... i then asked her why she didn't feel like getting me a card? She said, i didnt have to 'cause your ex gf gave you so many... when i firmly put my foot down and said, that's not fair. You can't judge me based on past relationships... and i didn't appreciate her disrespect to me.. she stood up and walked out before we even took a drink order.
> 
> ...


Next time she ever does that, give her one. She doesn't care for you one bit.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> Because i don't want to go through another divorce... and i want to raise my new daughter on the way in a real family, not a divided one again.


To late. The two of you are already divided by her own doing.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> Understand that. I've done it with my two daughters.
> 
> I am afraid she will leave to go back to Thailand with my baby... shes threatened as much. I of course would have the courts intervene but there is not saying that she wouldn't run.
> 
> And, we really do have great days together... great days. Just when she is in wall building mood there's no way around it.


You need to get a court order in place to where she can not do this. With her threatening this before the birth, she will do it at the slightest provocation. Do not let her know or she will up and leave before the birth.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

ABHale said:


> Next time she ever does that, give her one. She doesn't care for you one bit.


Wow. You have successfully demonized her. 

I really think this is a case of she just doesn't know better. 

She had no mother growing up and I don't think she realizes what she does.

I believe counseling is the best choice moving forward. 

And she was separated 5 or 6 years before i met her. She was married for 10+ years. She had several bf after her divorce... several that cheated on her and one that beat her. He was thrown in jail. 

Regardless, i don't want a divorce. I love her dearly. I just want to see if we can temper her reactions. And actually she rarely raises her voice, its the silent reactions.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

MrNightly said:


> Unfortunatetly, yes, that's one way she handles things.
> 
> Flowers, Pictures, Gifts she's tossed. I always find them in the kitchen trash and pull them out.
> 
> ...


I'm married to one of these to and I know how much what she does hurts. She probably knows all too well that since she's pregnant the cost for you to divorce her has gone way up and you'll be unlikely to leave. Does she expect to stay home with the child? I'd guess that she's probably going to try to use her terrible attitude to get her way and stay home.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> Wow. You have successfully demonized her.
> 
> I really think this is a case of she just doesn't know better.
> 
> ...


I know what a f'ed up childhood is, been there done that. It doesn't mean I take it out on the ones I love. It made me into a husband and more important a father that would never put may family through such a hell. 

Your wife is not young. This is who she is. You can love her with all your heart and it will not do you any good until she decides to love you back. 

Yes you got married to quick. You were just starting to see the true her when she started putting walls up. I feel for you, this can't be easy for you. You can't make her love you. I hope she does in time.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

ABHale said:


> I know what a f'ed up childhood is, been there done that. It doesn't mean I take it out on the ones I love. It made me into a husband and more important a father that would never put may family through such a hell.
> 
> Your wife is not young. This is who she is. You can love her with all your heart and it will not do you any good until she decides to love you back.
> 
> Yes you got married to quick. You were just starting to see the true her when she started putting walls up. I feel for you, this can't be easy for you. You can't make her love you. I hope she does in time.


Not to try to compare by any means, but her mother died of cancer at the age of 13 i believe. She watched her mom pull out a gun and try to kill her father (missed his heart and landed a shot in his shoulder) when her mom found out her dad was cheating on her at an early age. Her twin sister died in a car wreck that my wife was driving at the age of 17. She was in the hospital for a month recovering, and didn't even know her sister had died until she woke up. Her mother in law almost successfully poisoned her to death an early age... she barely survived the hospital. Her father then "eliminated" the mother in law. Her dad was LEO in Thailand, and her uncle high ranking military. When someone didn't do what they wanted, including BF/GF's of sibling, they "Disappeared... permanently." 

My wife is 32 years old. She pre-arraigned married off to a white guy from the States at the age of 16. She didn't move to the states until early 20's. Her husband basically kept her locked in a room. She said they had sex 5 times their entire marriage. 

Her first BF after the divorce beat her. Literally. The cops found her in a closet about dead. 

Her next BF cheated on her. As did the next one. 

I was the first guy she ever fell in love with. She may be "Not Young" but she is very childlike in many ways. And she hasn’t had a male role model her entire life. She worked 3 jobs and busted her way to where she is today. 

She's anything but lazy. She just doesn't know how to communicate. Hell, it took a year before she stopped flinching when I reached for her hand.

I am not walking out on her. Everyone in her entire life has walked out on her. (Or she's driven them away...) She needs love. Not a tyrant.

Yes, she needs to learn to grow up and stop being a baby with her emotions, but geez, I was late 20's before I was even quasi-mature to talk with my mom without fighting! I'm only 35 now. Communication skills take time.

That's why I came on here, to ask for help from some of the other ladies about what would make them feel loved... not to bash my wife. I know the average situation would be to walk away... and trust me, I have done that with my 2nd. I just don't feel that this is the same situation at all.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Just because you know where the mean and abusive behaviors come from, does not excuse then, or make them any less damaging to you.

You keep asking how to "make her feel loved" so that these behaviors go away. These behaviors are not going to go away (not without significant work on HER part after first realizing she doesn't want to react to life the way she does). Making her feel loved is not going to change her behaviors or reactions. I know you don't believe me now. All of the love in the world isn't going to change her.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

What I was trying to get across is that ones childhood is a mute point. People use it as an excuse for everything. The thing is you let what has happened to you control your future or you control it yourself. 

She has chosen to be who she is today. This is my point. Do I feel bad for her, of course I do. Anyone coming up like your wife would get my sympathy, but I would be watchful for the emotional damage caused by it. I'm damaged goods from things that happened in my childhood, but it was my choice not to let it define who I am. 

This gets back to your question of what you can do. You can do nothing but to be the loving husband you are. She has the problems and there is nothing you can do but love her like you have been. She has to change not you. She has to decide she wants to fix things. She has to decide to go to therapy and to heal. Bottom line is that this is in her hands and you can't do anything to change the way she is. She has to do it herself. 

I believe you are showing her love and she is just refusing to see it. Or she has an off the wall idea of what love is. But with her saying that you changed after marriage this is unlikely. I do wish you and your family the best, just keep loving and go from there. 

The thing with asking for a D. If you keep taking the punches with out standing up for yourself, she will lose respect for you. You do need to stand up for yourself. Chose your battles wisely but chose some battles to fight.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

Livvie said:


> Just because you know where the mean and abusive behaviors come from, does not excuse then, or make them any less damaging to you.
> 
> You keep asking how to "make her feel loved" so that these behaviors go away. These behaviors are not going to go away (not without significant work on HER part after first realizing she doesn't want to react to life the way she does). Making her feel loved is not going to change her behaviors or reactions. I know you don't believe me now. All of the love in the world isn't going to change her.


Succinct and well taken.

I am keen enough to realize my actions won't change anybody. But, I am responsible for being kind and loving regardless of how I'm treated.

Thank you all for your words of wisdom, they are much appreciated.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

ABHale said:


> What I was trying to get across is that ones childhood is a mute point. People use it as an excuse for everything. The thing is you let what has happened to you control your future or you control it yourself.
> 
> She has chosen to be who she is today. This is my point. Do I feel bad for her, of course I do. Anyone coming up like your wife would get my sympathy, but I would be watchful for the emotional damage caused by it. I'm damaged goods from things that happened in my childhood, but it was my choice not to let it define who I am.
> 
> ...


Spot on and lots of wisdom here. Thank you for your assistance, it is MUCH appreciated.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

Well... sh!t has officially hit the fan.

A brief recap for those who care:

I was out of town for work in Florida Mon-Wed. Got an early flight home yesterday and came home. Wife was not there. She hasn't been working much, so I assumed she was just picking up a couple extra hours at the office. I picked up my girls from school, went to coffee with them as normal and came home. Wife hadn't picked up the phone or answered a text since I left, which was against what we had both agreed to.

Anyways, she comes in around 7:30pm and heads straight upstairs... i immediately jump up and run for a hug! She brushes past me. I ask where she was and what was wrong. She says shes tired and doesn't want to talk. I let it slide and go back to dinner and games with my girls.

The girls ask her to join us, I ask her to join us, she refuses. 

I get the girls into bed and stroll into the room. She's sitting at her dressing table on her phone. I ask her what the heck is going on? She sais she has nothing to say. I promptly have a flash back on is this a hill to die on, and decide it is. I can't leave town and be ignored for days and then not even get a hug when I return. I tell her in a calm but firm manner that this childishness has to stop immediately!!!

She storms downstairs. I follow and she proceeds to tell me I'm a liar and cheater. I'm taken aback? Say what? She says she knows everything that I have been lieing and cheating on her? Increduiously, I ask for details please? She changes the topic and says I have hurt her. I demand that she goes back to the accusation... WTF? I tell her she has full access to my phone, my phone call list, online bills everything... and I would NEVER cheat on her. I haven't even talked to another woman since I've been with her. I asked her if she was seeing someone else? She says, yelling now, that NO SHE WOULD NEVER CHEAT... like my 1st wife. Then says, "I've told the guys no..." I was like huh? So you are talking to another guy? She won't answer and packs her bag and throws her ring at me, tears up my cards she had in her top drawer and leaves the house.

I didn't call, text or do anything. I left her walk. 

I haven't heard from her in 3 or 4 days and unfortunately, I had to get on a plane this morning for Seattle so I won't be home again until Saturday. 

She is done. She said she doesn't want my money, doesn't need my help and it's her baby, and the only reason she was with me was because I got her pregnant. Ouch.

Anyways... I have been surprisingly calm and collect today... I credit that to many things, among them the wise advise received here. If she can throw us away because of made up accusations in her head and hurt feelings, I can't do anything to save it.

I’m 40,000 feet in the air as I type, and yes, my life sucks. but I have 2 almost teenage daughters that I can give my energy to for the next 5+ years. And Hopefully I'll have a chance to raise my soon-to-be daughter as well... 

I'm tempted to regress into the darkness that is creeping at the door telling me i'm an utter failure, but for now, I'm staying strong!


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Of course we care. I'm sorry that this is happening. I think there's a possibility that . . . 
1. She's the one cheating and is projecting onto you. or 
2. She's just mentally unstable.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

I'm gonna go with #2. Although she has been keeping her phone turned over, close by etc, unlike previously. Signs that I took she was talking with her older sister in Thailand or friends locally. She hasn't/doesn't go out without me really. I'm guessing no to cheating. I think she might be getting woo'ed by many guys, as she always has. She's quite the looker and it's good I've never been jealous with her. I have trusted her 100%, as I thought she did me.

Anyways... I should assume she is going to go live back in her empty apartment for the time being. And just carry on with my life like nothing has changed?


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

If you're not even home, I wouldn't be surprised if she cleans out the house while you're gone. She doesn't sound very rational.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> If you're not even home, I wouldn't be surprised if she cleans out the house while you're gone. She doesn't sound very rational.



I hightly doubt it. She has stated repeatedly over the last few months, that she doesn't need me, and that if she left, she wouldn't want anything, including money. My stuff will be fine.

I half think she'll come around... but then half know she won't. She got mad at her dad a few years ago, and didn't talk to him for 4 years she said. I don't compute that logic, but so be it. 

Hard to have a healthy relationship if only one party is talking.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Sorry man. Wish the best for you. Talk to s lawyer about your unborn child and what can be done about custody if she tries to bolt.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MrNightly said:


> I hightly doubt it. She has stated repeatedly over the last few months, that she doesn't need me, and that if she left, she wouldn't want anything, including money. My stuff will be fine.
> 
> I half think she'll come around... but then half know she won't. She got mad at her dad a few years ago, and didn't talk to him for 4 years she said. I don't compute that logic, but so be it.
> 
> Hard to have a healthy relationship if only one party is talking.


If she wants to leave, let her go. She sounds like a massive pile of crazy that you don't need.

See a lawyer about the unborn child, and while you're at it, ask him if it's ok for you to change the locks. You say you're not worried about her taking your stuff... I'm worried that she will try to destroy it. She's clearly not mentally stable.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

@MrNightly

How did the weekend go? Did your wife make an appearance?


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> @MrNightly
> 
> How did the weekend go? Did your wife make an appearance?


Howdy.

It's been a roller coaster of a ride. Her sister and BF in Thailand called me several times on my last trip, and were acting as "mediator" for the two of us. That was appreciated.

They asked if I would take her back, to which I replied, of course! I called her a day before I flew home, and she picked up. We talked for 20 minutes, which was nice, but nothing really deep.

When I arrived home, she wasn't there. I called and asked where she was, she picked up (This was progress.. like 3 or 4 calls in a row she picked up! I was shocked honestly) She said she was at her apartment. I told her to get her butt home! She said, ok.

Long story short, she showed up, we talked. She said she built walls, (Duh) and I said to stop building them with me. I told her if she kept doing that, she would destroy us. I cried a little and asked her to please stop it (It was a forceful, yet kind demand!) She looked at me, and said, OK. I won't do that anymore. 

She said she loved me like crazy, and was afraid to get hurt like in the past. I told her that we were a safe place, and she said, ok. 

I took her with me to NYC for work last week. It was a great trip. One time, I said something that hurt her feelings, and she got mad, but told me. It was a big step. I quickly apologized, and she said no big deal and let it go.

I think we reached an understanding that we had previously not been able to reach. She said she was just scared and it was her only way of dealing with the fear.

I couldn't be happier. She is much more stable now (under 2 weeks, but still..) and I feel that we really connected like we haven't been able to before.

We even took the "love languages" tests, and I was really surprised by her results:

Quality Time was a 10.
Physical touch was a 9

Gifts were a 0 lol. I had it all wrong.

I think we are going to be ok. Just the fact that she got upset, and was able to move on when I apologized, was a big deal.

I'll keep ya posted, but for now, moving forward as a couple is the best thing possible!


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

MrNightly said:


> I took her with me to NYC for work last week. It was a great trip. One time, I said something that hurt her feelings, and she got mad, but told me. It was a big step. I quickly apologized, and she said no big deal and let it go.
> 
> [SNIP]
> 
> ...


Do you consider that what you did or said was wrong and deserved and apology or was the apology the only way to try and avoid her being mad at you.

If it's the former then you have some progress if not then you haven't gained anything.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> I think we are going to be ok. Just the fact that she got upset, and was able to move on when I apologized, was a big deal.
> 
> I'll keep ya posted, but for now, moving forward as a couple is the best thing possible!


Apologize for what?


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> Apologize for what?


Well, I was working all day and got back to the hotel around 10pm... she had been waiting patiently in the room for me, and when I arrived jumped into my arms. I was frustrated with a project and told her that I was upset about the guys I was working with.. she then asked for dinner, and I said, it's too late to eat, let's just eat in the morning... which made her feel insignificant.

I quickly realized she had been waiting to eat with me, and I blew her off. She said, "Don't take your frustrations from the day out on me." I realized she was right.

I apologized and we went out for food.

It was something that in the past, would have sent her into silence for days, because she felt unloved.

So yes, I was not considerate of her, and was focused on getting up at 6am to start the day again. I realized, that a couple hours less sleep wasn't that big of a deal. And the sex was great that night too!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

MrNightly said:


> Keke24 said:
> 
> 
> > Apologize for what?
> ...


So you worked all day and finally got to the room at 10 pm, and had to get up the next day at 6 am to go to work again, and you not wanting to go out to eat at 10 pm after a loong frustrating workday "made her feel" (notice the quote marks there) insignificant, so you apologized-- and then went out to eat? 

Your life with her will warp you until there is nothing left.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

Where did she go when she left? Do you know who she stayed with?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

MrNightly said:


> H
> 
> I think we are going to be ok. Just the fact that she got upset, and was able to move on when I apologized, was a big deal.
> 
> I'll keep ya posted, but for now, moving forward as a couple is the best thing possible!


Aaaand we wait. I predict another pouty tantrum where she leaves again within 3 weeks. She has you completely whipped.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> Where did she go when she left? Do you know who she stayed with?


She stayed in her apartment. Didnt see anyone.

You all have really vilified her.. or ive done a crappy job of explaining things.

Its been very different since she said she would not box me out anymore... it typically hits once a month or every 3weeks so we will see what happens. I choose to believe the best for now.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> She stayed in her apartment. Didnt see anyone.
> 
> You all have really vilified her.. or ive done a crappy job of explaining things.
> 
> Its been very different since she said she would not box me out anymore... it typically hits once a month or every 3weeks so we will see what happens. I choose to believe the best for now.


I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to vilify her.


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## MrNightly (Feb 6, 2017)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to vilify her.


No worries.. i truly feel that things are going to be ok... that or something really bad is on the horizon (she keeps having dreams about dying giving birth.. slightly unnerving as she has had prophetic dreams in the past)

Regardless, I'm happy loving her and she claims to be happy loving me as well.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MrNightly said:


> I hightly doubt it. She has stated repeatedly over the last few months, that she doesn't need me, and that if she left, she wouldn't want anything, including money. My stuff will be fine.
> 
> I half think she'll come around... but then half know she won't. She got mad at her dad a few years ago, and didn't talk to him for 4 years she said. I don't compute that logic, but so be it.
> 
> Hard to have a healthy relationship if only one party is talking.


Throws out cards, flowers and does not want any parts of you. Call me crazy....I don't see why you are even questioning this. Let your W not need you. Begin the process of finding a place to live. She will either help you pack or ask you to try and make it work. Or in your W case, she can start to make it work.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

MrNightly said:


> She stayed in her apartment. Didnt see anyone.
> 
> You all have really vilified her.. or ive done a crappy job of explaining things.
> 
> Its been very different since she said she would not box me out anymore... *it typically hits once a month or every 3weeks *so we will see what happens. I choose to believe the best for now.


PMS?
I keep a calendar on my phone these days. Because there are days when tinned helmets are necessary..But they pass. Thankfully.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

MrNightly said:


> Because i don't want to go through another divorce... and i want to raise my new daughter on the way in a real family, not a divided one again.


You do understand divided can happen in a marriage as well? This is a very unhealthy dynamic to raise a child. Also, she is training you well. She gets dramatic and you pamper her every whim. Tell you what, most of the women I know, also some currently posting, wouldn't accept this behavior from their husband. Yes, even if it meant the break up of their family.


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