# I'm the OM - but not on purpose - and I exposed!



## broder62 (Aug 17, 2012)

Some of you know my story from a previous post. I deleted it. I'll reset just the skeleton. I reunited on Facebook (yeah, I've since learned all of this is cliche' - didn't know it then) with a HS classmate I have not seen in 30 years. We're both 46. I never married, she is married with 2 kids to a husband 13 years her senior (with ADD and apparently a stand-up nice guy). When we met she said she was separated. Long story short (a lot of details missing) we "dated" long distance (she lives 250 miles away) so most of our relationship was FB, text, phone and saw each other every 3 weeks for 6 months. I ultimately found out she was never separated and (again, long story short), I informed the husband in writing. The response was (because she lied to him) was he called the police on me for stalking his wife. It was unfounded by the police (of course) and I just received a copy of the police report and their statements including the police officers statement of what he was being told. Putting them all in the blender is this - it is claimed and believed that after I visited her house in March (our relationship began in January) I began texting and phone calling her trying to pursue a relationship with her. I threatened her to have a relationship with me and, according to the husband, my letter was a letter expressing my "interest" in having a relationship with his wife. How he overrode all of the details of my letter and come to that conclusion I can only imagine is that she is a cake eater and he is a very nice guy with ADD married to a very confident, flirty 13 year old younger woman in the hospitality industry and he is never home because he owns a restaurant and consults another. 

Yes, I've learned my lesson and I was naive. Never believe or date a separated person and I've learned all about cake eaters, their lines, sociopaths, narcissists, etc;. I was naive and in love. The relationship was 75% emotional and only physical 3 months in. It took the normal relationship pace. I'd like the focus to be on "what to do". I know this forum is about expose, expose, expose from the BS. I'm not the BS, so I hope that I get a little bit of credit for exposing rather than walking away. I'm not looking for credit, I just knew if I was the husband I would want to know if my wife was doing it rather than being snowed, even if it was from the worst source, the other guy. 

How far do I expose this? I've talked to the police and they asked me to forward my evidence that we were in a relationship and when it began and he said he would talk to "her" about making false statements. 

The bigger question is - do I send the Facebook chats/text messages, cards, etc; to the husband. I get a lot of feedback about this (no, it's not so she would get a divorce and come to me). I hear on the NO side - I'll hurt him, the kids, it's not necessary, he has his doubts even if he believes her lies, she'll trip up someday, Karma will get her, let go/let God, etc;. On the YES side it's - clear your name with the husband, he deserves to know the truth about his wife, you're protecting a future victim of her cake eating and his spouse (or him); you're protecting your abuser, it's the right thing to do to get her out of her affair fog, etc;.

So, I'd like to see if you can help me figure out to expose to the husband or just the police to clear my name. Thank you.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

This is a simple one. Ask yourself:

Would you want to know?

Take the answer to that and run with it as you see fit.


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## MrDude (Jun 21, 2010)

At least the police. 

As for the husband, I would ask the police or a lawyer what to do. If you keep sending him stuff he might go to the police again. From what little you wrote it sounds like he doesn't want to know the truth, but we are only seeing the situation through your eyes.


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

Have the police tell him that his wife filed a false report. Then send him the same evidence you did the police


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Why bother. This physco caused you enough headaches.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

This is a frustrating situation. On one hand, you want to tell the BS everything. On the other, the husband could go to the police for harassment. Your damned if you do; damned if you don't.

It sounds like the BS has his head in the sand and is believing whatever his WW tells him. This WW is crafty enough to convince her husband that you were stalking her (that was what was in the complaint, if I remember, correctly).

This is what I would do, knowing that you have been given a no-contact letter. NC means NC for life. It could possibly be too much pain for the BS to bear.

I would hand over the evidence to the police. This will help clear the false allegation. You will get your name back.

As for the husband, I would put all the evidence in a safety deposit box after dealing with the police. This will allow you to hang onto the evidence of an affair (not to blackmail the WW).

If he contacts you for the evidence, you send it. You send everything. Every last piece. Many BS do not want to know the depths of their WS betrayal. To send it to him would be cruel.

Who knows, maybe after the police tell her for the false charges, her husband will contact you. You would still have the evidence in the safe deposit box and will be able to retrieve it.

After a while, if he doesn't contact you, I would take it out. Then, I would burn every piece of it. Use it to cleanse yourself. Then, move on.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

What did she really do to you? Come on you at least knew she was married. You made a choice to sleep with a married woman.You should know cheaters are people that lie. Did you really think she was going to leave her family for you? IMHO you should clear things up with the police. You should see this as a lesson learned. Don't sleep with married women.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

First off Broder if your in any way in trouble with the law due to her gaslighting him you should speak with a lawyer ASAP.

As far as exposure I`d send it all to him.

It`ll just make her have to gaslight like a world champion.

Who knows?
He has to have some level at which he stops suspending belief.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

mrstj4sho88 said:


> What did she really do to you? Come on you at least knew she was married. You made a choice to sleep with a married woman.You should know cheaters are people that lie. Did you really think she was going to leave her family for you? IMHO you should clear things up with the police. You should see this as a lesson learned. Don't sleep with married women.


Sure the WW wasn't divorced, but.............OP was assuming and we all know what happens when we assume.

In his diffence the lesson that needs to be learned here is when the cops get involved then only deal with the cops with a lawyer and set the rcord staight with the law.

The rest is up to BH to see the light in the near future.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

You should send him copies of all the correspondence. She is likely telling him that you pursued her when she didn't want to be pursued, just as a way of gas-lighting him and trying to convince him that she wasn't a skeezy cheaterpants, but just an innocent victim of someone's aggressive lust. That might explain why he thinks so. Cover your own assets by making sure he knows you weren't some kind of stalker and that she willingly participated. 

Protecting him from harm by lying to him or not telling him does no good. Why cares if he dumps her for her infidelity? She deserves it. CYA instead and expose it all to him. Then, cut her out of your life for good by changing numbers, email addresses, locks, and anything else she can use to get to you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Make copies of every exchange you had with her, even cell phone texts, cell phone call history, etc.

You might think that you are cleared and all is ok. But even an accusation of stalking can look bad as it stays on your record.

A friend of mine had something similar happen to him. Ten years after the false accusation a prospective employer found the false accusation and he had to fight again to prove to the employer that the accusation was false.

At this point you have a serious legal issue even if the police told you they believe you and not her. 

So give the police your evidence, keeping a copy for yourself as well.

Only communicate with her and her husband if an attorney suggests that you do so.

If this false accusation becomes a problem, like affects your job, you might want to see an attorney about suing her for slander (or whatever the law allows). AT that point you could use the evidence you have that there was an ongoing relationship with her being very much involved and lying to you. If you end up thinking that you need to sue her over harming you, you would not want to give her and her husband all of the evidence you have. Sure she could have the same evidence but chances are that she has deleted as much as she could… or deleted only that which makes it clear that she very much into the relationship.

Protecting yourself is your first concern here. She’s an evil woman. Stay away from her and her husband. It’s their problem now. You tried to do the right thing by telling him. Her husband is on his own now, he should have given you a chance to say your peace. 

One lesson to learn in all of this is that when you expose, do it with ALL of the evidence so that the person being exposed cannot concoct a story that harms the messenger.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Hello!

Ofcourse protect yourself first by presenting all the evidence to the police, ask for confirmation of it received, ask for presenting the results or their conclusion to you. All on paper, what you send must be via confirmed means of communication.

When this is ready you can ask the H whether he wants to know or not, also confirmed communication.

Then you have done good!


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## Slayerman (Sep 12, 2012)

Hi Broder, you're story looks alot like mine. I was also an OM without knowing it.

Some men / woman are vicious by leading on their AP ain't it?


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

You say never believe or date a seperated person? 
But she wasn't seperated was she?

If I was you I would just let it go and move in with your life and leave them to try and repair the damage, if that's what they want to do. If not, you might be in danger of becoming what the husband has accused you of.
Let it go and move on. Join a dating agency. Get out and about. 
Don't waste your time worrying about it because she will do everything and say everything to justify her cheating ass and you'll never win this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Thank you for the lesson. Verify the story of the person you are dating.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I agree with those who say give the evidence to the police and copy it and hod for the husband IF he asks for it. She filed a false report. I can't remember if there were actually charges brought against you, a restraining order, or anything else. If the things you have will clear your name as far as the LAW is concerned, then yes, I would absolutely take it to the police. Clearing your name is important, IMO. 

To those who keep hammering away at him dating a married woman... I am NOT defending cheating at all. However, Broder appears to have learned a great lesson here... to VERIFY that someone is not married, before dating them. He took her at her word that she was separated. But even if separated, there is ALWAYS that chance that they could reconcile. Anyway, he has learned the lesson to not date women who SAY they are separated... he has learned to verify that it is true... but preferably wait until divorced.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Hey, you told the husband, not your fault he has blinders on.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

similar situation with my exposure sans the police and false report, OMW just buried her head in the sand 

I'm of the opinion that you give them the info and it is then theirs to do as they please, you can't make someone see the light. Give the info to the police and be done with it


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

If police are involved then he has made a formal complaint against you.

Give the police everything you have. Your written statement of the timeline and events and all electronic evidence you have.

Do not contact him or her in any way! Further contact with either can be viewed as stalking or interfering with an investigation by the police. If either of them try to contact you, notify the investigating officer immediately.

Do not play around with this or try to analyze what is the right thing to do. Now you have to protect yourself or you will end up with a police record of sorts.


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## Sean B (Aug 13, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> If I was you I would just let it go and move in with your life and leave them to try and repair the damage, if that's what they want to do. If not, you might be in danger of becoming what the husband has accused you of.
> Let it go and move on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How can he just let go of all this? This kind of stuff can bite his a** for years to come. Simple eg- suppose he wanted to apply for a teaching job at your daughter's school? Would you be even slightly comfortable knowing that he has a police record, let alone one for stalking?? Whom would you believe, him or his police record?

I think the OP should hand over evidence to the cops and try to exonerate his own name with the least contact either with the woman or her husband. And take it from there.

Good Luck to the OP!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You tried to tell her husband, which was the right thing to do.

You owe nothing to anyone but yourself at this point.

Do whatever you would like to make you feel best.

Personally, I would not bother with the husband, as he seems to be willfully blind.

If the police asked me for copies, I would send them copies.

I probably wouldn't do this, but you might consider talking to the local prosecutor in their jurisdiction or consulting a lawyer to sue. It sounds like she told lies to her husband to lead him to believe that you were committing the crime of stalking, her husband told the police, they investigated, and she made false statements to the police about you, telling them that you did, in fact, commit the crime of stalking. So consider telling the prosecutor about her crime of making false statements and consider a civil suit for defamation, pain and suffering, etc. She toyed with you for however many months, I know it hurt you emotionally, it might be a good way to get back at her.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> You say never believe or date a seperated person?
> But she wasn't seperated was she?
> 
> If I was you I would just let it go and move in with your life and leave them to try and repair the damage, if that's what they want to do. If not, you might be in danger of becoming what the husband has accused you of.
> ...


:iagree:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Will_Kane said:


> You tried to tell her husband, which was the right thing to do.
> 
> You owe nothing to anyone but yourself at this point.
> 
> ...


Getting back at her is not a wise thing to do.

He needs to protect himself from her and her husband. They are both game players who seem willing to do whatever harm it takes to preserve their illusion of a marriage.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

the guy said:


> Sure the WW wasn't divorced, but.............OP was assuming and we all know what happens when we assume.
> 
> In his diffence the lesson that needs to be learned here is when the cops get involved then only deal with the cops with a lawyer and set the rcord staight with the law.
> 
> The rest is up to BH to see the light in the near future.


Yea she was going to get a divorce..But she was really playing around on her husband. IMHO op just needs to clear his name up with the police. He should have no dealing with the wife or her husband.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> similar situation with my exposure sans the police and false report, OMW just buried her head in the sand
> 
> I'm of the opinion that you give them the info and it is then theirs to do as they please, you can't make someone see the light. Give the info to the police and be done with it


:iagree:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

mrstj4sho88 said:


> What did she really do to you? Come on you at least knew she was married. You made a choice to sleep with a married woman.You should know cheaters are people that lie. Did you really think she was going to leave her family for you? IMHO you should clear things up with the police. You should see this as a lesson learned. Don't sleep with married women.


She lied. To her husband, to Broder, to the police.

You know something? I _*think*_ I see a pattern developing, there!

But what a coincidence that Broder was her first affair... oh, wait! Exactly how likely is that, do you think?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

mrstj4sho88 said:


> Yea she was going to get a divorce..But she was really playing around on her husband. IMHO op just needs to clear his name. He should have no dealing with the OM or her husband.


Hang on, the OP is the OM, I thought?:scratchhead:


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> She lied. To her husband, to Broder, to the police.
> 
> You know something? I _*think*_ I see a pattern developing, there!
> 
> But what a coincidence that Broder was her first affair... oh, wait! Exactly how likely is that, do you think?


She might be a pro at cheating ..I don't think cheating is new to her ...


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Hang on, the OP is the OM, I thought?:scratchhead:



error I meant the other mans wife sorry


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## broder62 (Aug 17, 2012)

I'm reading every post. All of them hit a chord and home with me because I've felt every single one of these feelings and decisions. I do know this, she admitted to "one other" previous affair when "we" had our D-day when she admitted to me that she was never separated from her husband. And, I know who it is - it's her top client at her job that she sees, in her words "thousands of times a year" and her husband said when he saw their last email "God ***, you talk to him more than me". This guy may be nice and functional, but he is snowed like I was snowed. Took me 6 months, he's in this for 22 years now. She said, "me and *** have a special connection" (which is the term she uses for us) and she always (when lying) asks me a question, for example, "I mean, it would be inappropriate for me to have an affair with a client, right?" I learned that pattern from her. I've reviewed all of our texts/chats and noticed the pattern. Yes, she's had affairs throughout her marriage. I'm nobody special, I was love-bombed (like sociopath's do) and she does it well. I remember when I was "fighting for the relationship" she said, "most guys just say F-off and leave...I'm not used to someone fighting for a relationship".....and I was thinking - "why would you be?....you've been married for 22 years!". Because (duh)....she's been having affairs the entire time. 

So, as I'm considering this - a few questions "IF" the evidence and exposure is given to the husband - which I think is the only way she'll stop and have "real" consequences that will put her in the best position to stop and correct. (not that it's my job), but I really do feel sharing with husband is what would make ME feel better (because as much as it will hurt him he will CLEARLY see the truth and that she lied and manipulated me the entire time to get into and stay into the relationship - not to excuse my responsibility to it but I simply believed she was separated - why wouldn't I, I've known her since she was 16 and we're 46 now). I also feel I'm protecting the next guy OR his wife and their kids. And I think it's the best for him, her kids and her - beyond the pain - why? because it's the truth and reality. It's not a bash fest, I don't have her on Cheaterville and there is no vindictive tone in the communications - even underhanded - it's very non emotional, yet non clinical or legalistic - it's appropriate. 

"IF" it goes to the husband - do I "need" to include all of the the photos I took of her (no nudes or stuff, just out and about in public), but she did send me two partially nude photos (no gentalia showing. Do I send that when the words in the texts and chats CLEARLY show everything - or should I send it. Kind of feel it's like sticking his face in it, yet, at the same time - it's reality. Me, as a husband (never was one - but, as much as it hurts, I would want to know everything because the mental masturbation of wondering if she did this or that would be excrutiating). Also, do I send hotel receipts? Gift labels (yea, I kind of scrapped book things like a teen - I loved her and cut out the mailing label (coincidentally she used her maiden name) and it's in her handwriting. I'm just wondering HOW MUCH stuff do I send him. My friends are saying - no photos, no hotel receipts because if he reads the texts it's obvious sex was going on and at times where it was going on - but.....not always......so......I am concerned about how I look in this. I don't want to look like a scorned ******* trying to destroy people, rather, I want to look like I'm trying (and I am) to do the "right" thing. I'm confused what that is. For me and unloading this "protecting my abuser" feelings about it, I'd feel better sending 1 copy to the police, another to him OR sending two copies to the police so when he goes and talks to them "maybe/probably not" he would give it to him"?? I don't think he would do that. One of my friends says drive there, don't put it in public record, let the cop who did the report see it and supplement the report. Another says, put it in the record and if the husband wants it, .15 cents per page and he can get it, it's there. And a variant is to send it just to the police and letting him know in writing my disclaimers to his charges and that the police have been notified and the evidence is there. So.......please, keep coming with your feelings and thoughts about this. Honestly, as crazy it sounds because I guess I'm still shell-shocked/co-dependent or my heart still believes what it experienced and can't discern what was true and what wasn't - I (except for clearing the police report up) would just like to have one polite WTF closure conversation with her. We actually got along great, even in fights. There's no violence or sadistical arguing going on - it's more frustration arguing but there is "something" there for her. Women don't take their clothes off for anything. There is some selection process in it. I think for her it was our history, she thought it was safe, it was near where her mom lives, I'm single and she fed me what I needed to hear to get what she wanted except I took relationships like normal people take relationships - seriously and I think she lost control of me and it and POW 6 months later, her D-Day - BUT - she lied to her husband and the police and apparently he believed her because despite what my letter said, he said "I threatened her to have a relationship with me". Let me tell you how bad is ADD is - two of my gifts to her, three total are in the kitchen - two on the window sill and he doesn't notice. Me? If a girl cuts her nails I notice. Yeah, I got betrayed but there were a lot of questions, clever responses and total blindness in the love fog. I'm sure I have some issues. I know I have some issues now - one being that an entire family (her husband, kids and parents) think I'm the stalker from HS and so does their police department and the records. I'd like to clear ALL of it up. How? Police is receptive. A lawyer told me today - no economic damages - a hurt heart isn't one of them. Criminally he said it's up to the police, but....probably a stern/firm warning rather than a charge. That's what the police officer seemed to feel. I could never do this to anyone. The lower someone is on the totem pole in my mind, I have more sympathy for them, that's how I'm built. Someone who does what she has and is doing - I can't imagine. We had sex in her parents home - the parents who gave her away, while her daughter was sleeping in the next room - the daughter I thought would be my step. If that daughter need "anything" in the middle of the night, there was NO WHERE for me to go - no closet, not under the bed, nowhere - and she would have seen her mother having sex with "that guy from HS" and not her dad. How reckless is that???


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

If the police asked for it, send it to them. 

Stay away from the ostrich husband and especially from her.

And you are starting to sound a little obsessed/stalkerish.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Son, this is clearly NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

You want to extricate yourself from the lives of these nutjobs as soon as possible.

Forget the crazy lying wife and the husband with the blinders on and take care of yourself and getting out from under this mess you have found yourself in.



broder62 said:


> Yes, I've learned my lesson and I was naive. Never believe or date a separated person


I disagree that you should never date a "separated person". 

There are people out there who are legitimately separated and completely uninvolved with their ex's but still married for financial reasons, or health insurance, or the system is so slow the divorce hasn't happened yet, or any other number of reasons.

You gotta do your homework. There will ALWAYS be red flags if there's deception, you just need to keep your eyes open and don't be blinded by your own emotions.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

You need to leave her and the husband alone. Clear things up with the police. Then you move on with your life.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

A


broder62 said:


> I'm reading every post. All of them hit a chord and home with me because I've felt every single one of these feelings and decisions. I do know this, she admitted to "one other" previous affair when "we" had our D-day when she admitted to me that she was never separated from her husband. And, I know who it is - it's her top client at her job that she sees, in her words "thousands of times a year" and her husband said when he saw their last email "God ***, you talk to him more than me". This guy may be nice and functional, but he is snowed like I was snowed. Took me 6 months, he's in this for 22 years now. She said, "me and *** have a special connection" (which is the term she uses for us) and she always (when lying) asks me a question, for example, "I mean, it would be inappropriate for me to have an affair with a client, right?" I learned that pattern from her. I've reviewed all of our texts/chats and noticed the pattern. Yes, she's had affairs throughout her marriage. I'm nobody special, I was love-bombed (like sociopath's do) and she does it well. I remember when I was "fighting for the relationship" she said, "most guys just say F-off and leave...I'm not used to someone fighting for a relationship".....and I was thinking - "why would you be?....you've been married for 22 years!". Because (duh)....she's been having affairs the entire time.
> 
> So, as I'm considering this - a few questions "IF" the evidence and exposure is given to the husband - which I think is the only way she'll stop and have "real" consequences that will put her in the best position to stop and correct. (not that it's my job), but I really do feel sharing with husband is what would make ME feel better (because as much as it will hurt him he will CLEARLY see the truth and that she lied and manipulated me the entire time to get into and stay into the relationship - not to excuse my responsibility to it but I simply believed she was separated - why wouldn't I, I've known her since she was 16 and we're 46 now). I also feel I'm protecting the next guy OR his wife and their kids. And I think it's the best for him, her kids and her - beyond the pain - why? because it's the truth and reality. It's not a bash fest, I don't have her on Cheaterville and there is no vindictive tone in the communications - even underhanded - it's very non emotional, yet non clinical or legalistic - it's appropriate.
> 
> "IF" it goes to the husband - do I "need" to include all of the the photos I took of her (no nudes or stuff, just out and about in public), but she did send me two partially nude photos (no gentalia showing. Do I send that when the words in the texts and chats CLEARLY show everything - or should I send it. Kind of feel it's like sticking his face in it, yet, at the same time - it's reality. Me, as a husband (never was one - but, as much as it hurts, I would want to know everything because the mental masturbation of wondering if she did this or that would be excrutiating). Also, do I send hotel receipts? Gift labels (yea, I kind of scrapped book things like a teen - I loved her and cut out the mailing label (coincidentally she used her maiden name) and it's in her handwriting. I'm just wondering HOW MUCH stuff do I send him. My friends are saying - no photos, no hotel receipts because if he reads the texts it's obvious sex was going on and at times where it was going on - but.....not always......so......I am concerned about how I look in this. I don't want to look like a scorned ******* trying to destroy people, rather, I want to look like I'm trying (and I am) to do the "right" thing. I'm confused what that is. For me and unloading this "protecting my abuser" feelings about it, I'd feel better sending 1 copy to the police, another to him OR sending two copies to the police so when he goes and talks to them "maybe/probably not" he would give it to him"?? I don't think he would do that. One of my friends says drive there, don't put it in public record, let the cop who did the report see it and supplement the report. Another says, put it in the record and if the husband wants it, .15 cents per page and he can get it, it's there. And a variant is to send it just to the police and letting him know in writing my disclaimers to his charges and that the police have been notified and the evidence is there. So.......please, keep coming with your feelings and thoughts about this. Honestly, as crazy it sounds because I guess I'm still shell-shocked/co-dependent or my heart still believes what it experienced and can't discern what was true and what wasn't - I (except for clearing the police report up) would just like to have one polite WTF closure conversation with her. We actually got along great, even in fights. There's no violence or sadistical arguing going on - it's more frustration arguing but there is "something" there for her. Women don't take their clothes off for anything. There is some selection process in it. I think for her it was our history, she thought it was safe, it was near where her mom lives, I'm single and she fed me what I needed to hear to get what she wanted except I took relationships like normal people take relationships - seriously and I think she lost control of me and it and POW 6 months later, her D-Day - BUT - she lied to her husband and the police and apparently he believed her because despite what my letter said, he said "I threatened her to have a relationship with me". Let me tell you how bad is ADD is - two of my gifts to her, three total are in the kitchen - two on the window sill and he doesn't notice. Me? If a girl cuts her nails I notice. Yeah, I got betrayed but there were a lot of questions, clever responses and total blindness in the love fog. I'm sure I have some issues. I know I have some issues now - one being that an entire family (her husband, kids and parents) think I'm the stalker from HS and so does their police department and the records. I'd like to clear ALL of it up. How? Police is receptive. A lawyer told me today - no economic damages - a hurt heart isn't one of them. Criminally he said it's up to the police, but....probably a stern/firm warning rather than a charge. That's what the police officer seemed to feel. I could never do this to anyone. The lower someone is on the totem pole in my mind, I have more sympathy for them, that's how I'm built. Someone who does what she has and is doing - I can't imagine. We had sex in her parents home - the parents who gave her away, while her daughter was sleeping in the next room - the daughter I thought would be my step. If that daughter need "anything" in the middle of the night, there was NO WHERE for me to go - no closet, not under the bed, nowhere - and she would have seen her mother having sex with "that guy from HS" and not her dad. How reckless is that???


Broder62,
I think you should mail a copy of everything to this husband, including hotel receipts. I hope you do so, and for that action to help you heal from this heartbreak.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

Rosemary's Granddaughter said:


> A
> 
> Broder62,
> I think you should mail a copy of everything to this husband, including hotel receipts. I hope you do so, and for that action to help you heal from this heartbreak.


Poor advice.

The guy is in trouble with the police.

Anything he says, writes or does can be used against him in a court of law.

The guy is in trouble because he had the misfortune of getting involved with 2 nutty people with marriage problems.

He will only get out of trouble when he gets uninvolved with these people and realizes that it's not his job to try and fix their problems.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

donders said:


> Poor advice.
> 
> The guy is in trouble with the police.
> 
> ...


I second this thought.

Any contact from the accused directed at the accuser in an official investigation is not looked at kindly. The husband almost has to have accused him or stalking and said he fears for his and his wife's safety for the police to have made contact.

OP needs to stay far away from all of this and stop thinking about what he thinks he should do.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

donders said:


> Poor advice.
> 
> The guy is in trouble with the police.
> 
> ...


Well, I disagree.

His proof not only refutes, but nullifies any "trouble" he's in with the police. On another thread, I already advised him to get everything to the police--I did not repeat myself in my earlier post here, as I did not want to be redundant.


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## broder62 (Aug 17, 2012)

I just got back from a first date from a Christian dating site. And thank God...it went VERY WELL. I am still careful in making sure that there is no false Christian badge but she is gorgeous and we hit it off like a Grand Slam Breakfast at Dennys! Sealed with an amazing kiss goodnight. Coincidental thing, she was a betrayed spouse, divorced two years and breast cancer survivor and so there is a sensitivity there and desire to find "good, right, healthy". Taking it slow but what a night. It also gave me an injection of hope, perspective and relief! Back to this situation....what I'm thinking based on the recent posts is to just send the police and I see the point about why to stay away from them. If I just send to the police, should I send everything or just enough. I don't want the police to think I'm obsessed by sending "everything" (will they???) or is it necessary. There's around 100 pages of texts and chats (double-sided). I printed it out. Or should I just send enough to show there was a relationship and how long it extended and the nature of it - like 10 pages??? Part of my thinking is if I send everything bound, they'll file it and the husband can get it all if he requests it from them, but, like you said, it sounds like he doesn't really want to know. Something is telling me this is not the first time their marriage has gone through this. Gut feeling.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

I would send them(police) everything. If you don't it could be surpressing evidence.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

sirdano said:


> I would send them(police) everything. If you don't it could be surpressing evidence.


No one is subpeneaing him for this information. He is OFFERING it. I would have a lawyer take a look to make sure that a neutral set of eyes can't misread it the wrong way. (See officer, for every one of the 57 daily texts I sent her, she sent me, she sent me 97!)

I still second the motion that you forward EVERYTHING exculpatory to the police or DA.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

JCD said:


> No one is subpeneaing him for this information. He is OFFERING it. I would have a lawyer take a look to make sure that a neutral set of eyes can't misread it the wrong way. (See officer, for every one of the 57 daily texts I sent her, she sent me, she sent me 97!)
> 
> I still second the motion that you forward EVERYTHING exculpatory to the police or DA.


Agree, the only addition i have to add is for a lawyer to deal with the police on his behalf and the lawyer to sends a copy of the evidence to the husband . The husband would be a fool to take legal action as he and his wife would be humiliated in a public court. 

If they carry on pressing with threats of legal action fight them , common sense says they will back down once they see you standing firm.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

You don't contact or send anything to that husband and wife. You had better leave that couple alone. That is his wife and the husband has went to the police . This was done to keep you away from them. At this point they have the law on their side. If you send or make contact with him or his wife , you will be arrested. You need to let this go already. It sounds like you got feeling for this married woman. It does not matter if she used you for sex. You got to let this go. If you make any contact with her , the papers she filed will be true.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

I am not comfortable advising legal counsel in regards to sending everything to the police. I would contact a lawyer for advice and follow through with what they said.

Congratulations on your date. Things are looking up for you. Take this as a learning lesson.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

kenmoore14217 said:


> Son, this is clearly NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!


Clearing his name against false charges is none of his business? 

That can't be good advice. Can it?:scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you give him one piece of evidence you really need to give him all of it…. BUT……..

The idea of going to their house to give evidence to the husband is a BAD idea. You will be arrested and you will no longer be able to defend yourself from the stalker charges.

Sending anything to her husband right now is very problematic. You could not sent it to their house because she could intercept it. Sending it to his work would be the way to make sure he gets it… but how horrible to drop a bomb like this on someone while they are at work. In some places he could even lose his job for personal garbage interrupting the work day and disturbing everyone around him.

And sending it to his work place is more evidence of you stalking.

The thing about stalking is that even though she had a willing affair with you, it does not prove that you are not a stalker. If she can show that at some point she told you to leave her alone and you still contacted her.. you have crossed the line. If her husband told you to leave them alone and you continue, you are a stalker.

The evidence you have proves an affair and her willing participation. It does not prove that she did not tell you stop contacting her. From what you have said she has no evidence… until she went to the police. Going to the police is the shock and awe way of telling you that the affair is over and you had better leave her and her husband alone.

You say that she told her husband that she had an affair with you because you forced her by threatening to tell him. So he knows she had an affair. Filing stalking charges is the ultimate way to deliver the no-contact message. From what you said he knows she had an affair. He knows that she had at least one other. Her husband apparently feels strongly about keeping his marriage together. You’d be surprised to know how many spouses accept, on some level, the deep, deep flaws in their spouses.

As I suggested before. Give a copy of everything to the police, every scrap of paper, every photo, every email, receipt, etc. And keep a copy for yourself in a safe place. 

A time might come in the future when it’s ok to give the evidence to her husband. But this is not the time. Right now doing so could put you jail for at least a few days.

Quite honestly you are starting to sound consumed with the desire to hurt her or prove your case to her husband. You are now crossing the line. Leave it alone. After giving the evidence to the police do nothing about this whole thing until you don’t care anymore because only then will you make a rational decision.

Of course if her husband contacts you.. give it all to him. Outside of that let it go. Let them sort out their own sick lives.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Clearing his name against false charges is none of his business?
> 
> That can't be good advice. Can it?:scratchhead:


Could be wrong... but I think that Kenmore meant to leave alone giving the husband more info. That from here on out what goes on in their marriage is not the OP's business.

That's how I took the post anyway.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Broder, don't make a move until talking to an attorney.

The only reasons the police ask questions or collect information is A) to determine if they need to arrest somebody, and B) to provide evidence to the prosecutor to use against you.

That Miranda warning is literally correct, anything you say can and WILL be used against you.

If the police have closed their investigation you might be off the hook. If no charges were filed and if you were never arrested there probably is no public record to be found by a future employer etc. However, I would still contact an attorney for several reasons.

1) Ensure the case is closed with a clear determination that you were not stalking, and that the complaint was entirely false from the beginning.

2) Protect you in the event of a future legal complaint by anybody for anything. You don't want this to be used against you as proof of your "troubled past".

3) Have a lawyer vet everything you may pass on to the police to be sure it only helps you.

Give up the idea of proving yourself to the husband. Let him hate you if he wants. Let him believe his wife is pure and innocent if he wants. Give up the idea of striking back at her. They are none of your concern any longer.


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## broder62 (Aug 17, 2012)

Okay. This is what I am considering. Everything is ready. I'm thinking I just send the evidence to the police. True, the investigation was unfounded. The evidence is being sent to prove both of them lied to the police. I'm a little undecided on this:

a.Send EVERY text, facebook chat, photos (2 semi-nude she sexted me), hotel receipts, cards, etc; 

OR

b. Just A LITTLE BIT of the above to make the point (and no photos)?

I'm thinking if I send EVERYTHING, I'll look obsessed and out for revenge and it's over the top for a closed investigation and sending "enough" to demonstrate the false statements (primarily that we were in a relationship). I'm thinking the two semi-nude photos might actually diminish me and make it seem odd and they would have some sympathy in protecting her rather than addressing her and her husband's lying. Does that make sense. Your further input VERY MUCH appreciated. I'm ready to get this over with but want to do it in a way that keeps me in a good light and what's appropriate in the eyes of the police - and my fellow man. Then at times I can't believe I'm concerned about protecting people that attempted to destroy me and my life. Confused now that I have everything ready to go - a 100 page copy of everything or a 15 page sample of everything. Emotions coming up again and I'm confusing myself.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Send everything. Sending the semi-nude pics shows how serious it was between you two, supporting the fact that she lied about you stalking her.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

broder62 said:


> Okay. This is what I am considering. Everything is ready. I'm thinking I just send the evidence to the police. True, the investigation was unfounded. The evidence is being sent to prove both of them lied to the police. I'm a little undecided on this:
> 
> a.Send EVERY text, facebook chat, photos (2 semi-nude she sexted me), hotel receipts, cards, etc;
> 
> ...


Take it all to a lawyer first. Have the lawyer draft a cover letter with the evidence indicating that his client (you) wanted to turn this in. In that way, you are protected from any accusations of being a stalker, as your lawyer will further advise what you should and should not include in the package.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Doing anything without a lawyer is foolish.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

:rofl:


broder62 said:


> Okay. This is what I am considering. Everything is ready. I'm thinking I just send the evidence to the police.


He needs a lawyer to send his proof to the police?:scratchhead:


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

He can just make copies of everything. Then he can take it into the police.IMO it is no reason yet for him to spend money on a lawyer. If the police don't work with him, then he goes to a lawyer.


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## broder62 (Aug 17, 2012)

I spoke to a lawyer and survivorwife is correct, except he wanted 1500. That would be a small price to pay considering I make a mistake but I am looking very carefully at what I am providing. I've not broken any laws and I'm clearing my name of the false allegations. I think I'll be okay. The officer seemed very nice and concerned about being lied to and I think the focus will be comparing what he was told against my evidence ("Really.....he threatened you to be in a relationship in March and we have a million love bombs from January-August, hotel reservations, gifts, cards in your handwriting, packaging slips from your address, facebook chats, texts, emails"??? Don't lie to the police or you could/will be arrested, this is a waste of our time, take care of your marriage and leave the victim alone. Have a nice day). Best case scenario. Hopefully, the husband will have the strength to get copies of the evidence (aka "Her Cake Eating Game Plan") and make the proper adjustments. Hopefully she will learn and change and grow. I hear sociopaths don't. They just see winning or losing their goal. At least she will think in her next sexual liason if cheating is the life she wants that maybe you should look for another way besides telephone, text, email, Facebook, hotel receipts, photos, sexts, etc; Not a lot of options left unless smoke signals become Facebook's successor. Oh, and think twice about writing an F-U letter to the guy you claim is a soulmate, love of your life, your Notebook and calling the cops on him claiming he threatened you to be in a relationship with him to save your face and marriage at his expense. The truth always comes out. Still on the fence for the nudes? I don't know why??? I think I'm worried I go from "normal" to "inappropriate" in a single bound.....still trying to figure out that.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

I think you'll be okay, too. If you had minimal proof, I would understand the need for legal advice. But from your previous posts, it's clear that there cannot be a shadow of a doubt about what went down.

I don't think that "inappropriate" comes into play when submitting proof. This is part of the police department's job; they know to act in a professional manner. 





broder62 said:


> I spoke to a lawyer and survivorwife is correct, except he wanted 1500. That would be a small price to pay considering I make a mistake but I am looking very carefully at what I am providing. I've not broken any laws and I'm clearing my name of the false allegations. I think I'll be okay. The officer seemed very nice and concerned about being lied to and I think the focus will be comparing what he was told against my evidence ("Really.....he threatened you to be in a relationship in March and we have a million love bombs from January-August, hotel reservations, gifts, cards in your handwriting, packaging slips from your address, facebook chats, texts, emails"??? Don't lie to the police or you could/will be arrested, this is a waste of our time, take care of your marriage and leave the victim alone. Have a nice day). Best case scenario. Hopefully, the husband will have the strength to get copies of the evidence (aka "Her Cake Eating Game Plan") and make the proper adjustments. Hopefully she will learn and change and grow. I hear sociopaths don't. They just see winning or losing their goal. At least she will think in her next sexual liason if cheating is the life she wants that maybe you should look for another way besides telephone, text, email, Facebook, hotel receipts, photos, sexts, etc; Not a lot of options left unless smoke signals become Facebook's successor. Oh, and think twice about writing an F-U letter to the guy you claim is a soulmate, love of your life, your Notebook and calling the cops on him claiming he threatened you to be in a relationship with him to save your face and marriage at his expense. The truth always comes out. Still on the fence for the nudes? I don't know why??? I think I'm worried I go from "normal" to "inappropriate" in a single bound.....still trying to figure out that.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

What is the specific problem you are trying to solve by giving anything to the cops?

What is the job of the police? (hint, they are not a judge or jury).

How does this information solve the problem?

What are the future problems you think might pop up?

How does this information solve those problems?

How might this information backfire and be used against you? (Hint: imagine a shark lawyer or prosecutor picking one sentence or a few words from one document and painting it out of context as something negative).

You are nuts if you don't talk to a lawyer and get his/her advice before giving anything to the police.

Dont Talk to Police - YouTube

or if you want a shorter version 10 reasons not to talk to police - YouTube


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