# No one to talk to



## mindesue (May 12, 2009)

I really don't know where to start other than I have no one to really talk to about stuff and have been searching for some place to help me. My husband and myself work at the same place and back in nov 2008 we started having a couple of our co-workers over each week. We drank a bit and had fun. We worked seperate ends of the week, my husband and myself worked Sun-Wed and the two co-workers worked Wed through Saturday. So we often chatted about work during this time. We were also short staffed so on occasion either we worked on the other end of the week or the co-workers worked on our end of the week. They both treated us great and talked about what good friends we all were. I started to notice my husband being to egor to go to work on days off and talking about one of the co-workers quite often (one was a guy and one a girl). In Feb I asked him about their relationship as many things were throwing up red flags for me about the way they acted but I had no proof of anything. So I just told him I had something to ask and felt foolish but had to ask if they had some kind of involvement. He assured me there was nothing going on but my heart still told me there was. I then decided to get nosey as it was racking my brain and I couldn't sleep at night. I hacked into his email account which wasn't that hard knowing the password he always uses. And I found that they had been sending text and emails--I only read one that was a text to my husband on a day that she was working with us that stated "I want to leave work and f**k you right now". Of course I didn't think to read the rest and now regret that--but I called my husband out of bed and we ended up arguing for most of the night. I was beside myself as we were going through a hard time as we were suppose to adopt our grand-daughter and the wonderful dhs system sucks and she was given to the paternal family who lied a great deal even after being with us for 2 1/2 years. My husband told me in Oct of 2008 when this happened that "we would get through this one or another but it was going to be hard". Well I guess to say the least I was depressed and struggling and he turned to this co-worker. He swears to me that nothing physical happened and when I ask about the emails which got deleted before I could read them all, he state it was just more of the same and they were just friends. I kept trying to say, "friends don't talk like that". This was a big kick in the face to me to say the least--especially when he fist told me that "oh we are just friends really nothing happened". For the most part I know nothing physical happened as I am always with him when she is here and such and they don't have time at work to do anything---but there was once where they did have the opportunity--only once but it leaves a doubt in my mind. I am really trying to work things out with him, but it is so very hard to trust him now. Every time he is on the comp I wonder what he is doing--and I wonder what other email accounts he has. I want to believe he does't talk to her at work, and keep hoping she will do the smart thing and quit--but apparently she isn't smart. I guess I just need an outlit, as I don't have anyone to talk to about this as I feel like I did somethig wrong and he told me that while my grand-daughter was livign here I was different and he just needs me to hold him. But I did what I could and am trying to hard to move forward in this--but just little things pop into my head and it drives me crazy. So guess I just want to be able to have someone to talk to and hopefully get some feedback on saving my marriage and moving forward.
Thanks,
Mindesue


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

This one is tuff because you really didn't see how he responded
to that one text message. And you didn't read other messages to see if there was a pattern. Nonetheless, it doesn't look good and it has put doubt in your mind. You should probably go to your husband and tell him exactly how you feel. If he is truly innocent, he shouldn't have a problem showing you all of his e-mails and test messages. Or you could see a counselor and get to the bottom of the problem before it gets much worse.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

you should get all of them (the other co-worker also) and announce that you've seen the message. see what the girl's reaction is and see how the other co-worker takes it (he's an outsider in this situation, so another perspective would be helpful)


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## DarthQuagmire (May 12, 2009)

oo thats a good one wonder. And why did he delete the emails??? if i wasnt shaggin someone i would been like "look honey, i turned her down!" and showed u all the emails.


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## mindesue (May 12, 2009)

OH there was something going on, just swears it wasn't physical which hurts me just as much. I read a few bits and pieces from a couple but was dumb and didn't take the time to read them all. Yes stupid but you know how it is when you are pissed. we have opened our communication lines up a great deal but I just still get this feeling that something isn't quite right even though we have spent all our waking hours together and their is no way for him to physically be with her my mind still thinks they are texting and or emailing and so I have that doubt going on all the time which is what is making it hard for me to move foward.


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## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

i don't think it's necessary to see any more emails. you already know that trust has been broken, and you know as well that an email sentence like the one you read does not just contextually spontaneously occur and only once at that.

the comfort of trusting your husband to be truthful is gone, and you are looking for some way to get that comfort back while compensating for the lack of trust.

if i may suggest, you should go with what you have: your husband is at the very least involved in an inappropriate relationship with a co-worker and your feeling is that he is not being completely truthful with you about it.

you know the odds are very good that he's having an emotional affair.

and you live with te anxiety that the affair may be physical.

it's not healthy to live this way.

and so, what do you want. do you want to build trust again, or is this a deal breaker for you.

the different answers to that question lead down very different paths, as i'm sure you're aware.


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## theBlameGame (May 6, 2009)

It is hard to build trust once its broken.but like what the otherd have said make sure they know that you are aware of what's going on. Frankly tell them that you do not like them talking privately and its causing you anxiety.


Of course you'll wonder if he is continuing this nonsense... And you will be for a long time if you don't put a stop to it. You know why he deleted those other messages right???

My advice is follow your intuition its often right. You don't deserve to be wondering like that and goin through sleepless nights just because of the way he acts. Tell you husband the issue and make the others aware that you know!


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

Once the bond of Trust is broken it is almost impossible to move forward with the person who violated your trust in the first place. However, if you believe he has not crossed over to a physical relationship with this person maybe with therapy and forgiveness you two can regain the trust and respect you had for each other. A husband who respects his spouse would never cross that line..if in your heart you feel he has crossed over and nothing will ever change your mind then my suggestion is move on.....you have your self respect to take with you.


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