# Divorce/Abandonment issues for children - Book suggestions



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I am wondering if any of you have suggestions on books for helping me help my kids w/ the idea of separation or divorce? It's really my younger ones that I am worried about so 4-10 yrs.

I am hoping it won't come to D, but he has made no effort at all since leaving us 4 wks ago so I am coming to terms with it...


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

i don't have a book but I try my best to keep the same routine.. dinner, bath-time, sleep, etc. Today I'm starting breakfast nite for dinner. My youngest is 5 and brings him up all the time so I nicely says he's at work or at his house. this is mommy house and daddy has a new house. he has no signs of abandonment. when father decides to pick him up. I have it that he picks him up from school then bring back to school the next day, so I have no physical contact with his father.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

justwhy said:


> i don't have a book but I try my best to keep the same routine.. dinner, bath-time, sleep, etc. Today I'm starting breakfast nite for dinner. My youngest is 5 and brings him up all the time so I nicely says he's at work or at his house. this is mommy house and daddy has a new house. he has no signs of abandonment. when father decides to pick him up. I have it that he picks him up from school then bring back to school the next day, so I have no physical contact with his father.


I like how you handle the drop offs and pickups. I've had a very hard time with that this past year. It hurts so much to see him. I cry after every pick up and drop off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nomoretogive (Oct 29, 2011)

Mamatomany:

I hate that your children are going through this, because it really is hard on them -- dealing with the abandonment part. 

I don't have any book recommendations, either, but one thing that helped my youngest son -- who is 8 -- was some counseling. I knew he was sad, but I didn't realize how much he had internalized what was going on. For some reason, he thought it was his fault or that he was somehow to blame, and he began withdrawing, almost like if he hoped he was invisible, everything would be okay. 

I did have to make some calls, but ultimately ended up being referred to a child psychologist the next town over who had special training in dealing with children and abandonment issues. Thankfully, too, she operated on a sliding scale, so each visit was only $30. She made great progress with my son in a short amount of time and the turnaround was amazing in his mood. Not long after seeing her, he was back laughing and being a kid. Maybe you could see if there is someone close to you who could help the kids through this transition, or even ask the local school guidance counselor for a recommendation. 

I don't remember from your story whether your husband is having contact with the kids. But one thing we did do with our kids is let them know that THEY had the choice until temporary orders were established whether they wanted to have contact with him or not. I got a separate cell phone that the kids could use to communicate with him -- because he refused to call mine for any reason -- to take myself out of the middle of it. Now, it DID put the kids in a position where they had to decide whether they wanted contact and sometimes that meant not taking calls, which normally I would not have done because I don't like the idea of the kids being in the middle. But in our case, the abandonment has been a repeated problem, and I didn't want to continue to force the issue and force them to spend time with him when they clearly weren't ready. Instead of making things awkward, like you would expect, it kind of empowered the kids, to be able to ease back into a relationship on their terms, not his or mine. 

The biggest thing is just keep doing what you're doing -- being a great mom who is there for the kids and providing the stability they so desperately need right now. My relationship with my kids has improved 100-fold having gone through this, because they know unequivocally that no matter what, they can count on me.


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