# no threesomes then good bye!!!



## foreveralwayseternal (Sep 7, 2010)

Well after 12 years together my husband is telling me that there is no solution and if I do not have threesomes and make them a regular occurrence we are done! 
We have had a mff when we first got together, Not a good time for me. Very uncomfortable. Haven't had one after. 9- 10 years of saying he wants one and describing and asking and telling. We have 2 times with mmf. First time wasn't to bad, I was very terrified, scared and excited about it. Went ok. But husband felt that kissing wasn't ok. and started planning more threesomes and foursomes. I was uncomfortable thinking about doing more. We try and plan another threesome, for what ever reason didn't work out for the night he wanted it to so he was very mean and hateful toward me that night. but next day says he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Then a month or so after that we do our second time mmf with same guy. It was a violating experience for me. I had felt horrible afterwards and i have told my husband I do not want to live this life. I have tried it and its not for me. 
Well he wants it all the time now says he doesn't want to work on just us. He wants threesomes or we are done. He says that i have to do it or he is going to do it anyways. Says he hasn't cheated. and doesn't want to but he needs us to have threesomes. no matter what. I tell him no it not the life for me not what i want and we can work on just us in the bed room if he wants. but he says no. its not to much to ask for me to do this for him. And he's done with us if I don't. He says he is already becoming resentful of me because i will not go and have more threesomes.
He says there is no solution because I am not willing to budge from no threesomes and lets work on us and he is not willing to budge on having threesomes on a regular basis. Either way one of us is unhappy he says and will become hateful and resentful of the other. 
I have tried to talk to him and tell him that i love him and we can go to counseling but he says no he will not go. Counseling is for ppl that don't know what they want. I am trying at this point to talk to him with out to much emotion running into my voice but its hard. He is now telling me I'm so stupid and to thick skulled to hear what he is saying and i have the power to stop this break up from happening as long as i have threesomes. But that is not ok with me. Forced to do something i don't want just to save something that he doesn't want to fix. or work on.
He says that in every other department of our life and marriage he is happy and content with and I am a wonderful wife he couldn't ask for any better. But the threesomes are a major thing for him and If i do not do them It is a deal breaker.
I am scared. and I'm not afraid to say that. We have a son that just started school. and when ever i have said that he's doing this saying good bye doesn't only affect me but another person too he says he doesn't want to talk about it. I am trying to talk to him rationally as well but he has already said we will not continue to be nicey nicey to each other that we will be hateful. i said i won't he said he will and he will make my life a hell. 
I don't know what to feel this all feels surreal to me. I want to spare my sons feelings and try and have this all go smoothly as not to affect him to much. but not sure where to start. 
But back to my husband he is working away and saying all of this on the phone to me but said it would be no different in the feeling department if he was home. He is spose to be coming off on days off here tomorrow but says he's not sure he will come home and if he can face me. 
I don't know...........
I think demanding threesomes or else we are done is pretty extreme. and that we should work on us as a couple and as a family.
But he thinks i shouldn't even hesitate and i should want to do it on a regular basis.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

He's being ruled by his ****

This is pretty fking messed up and he obviously lost respect for you at the same time no matter how much he wants it considering the way he is treating you

My wife handled my MMF/MFF fantasies very well, and very simply - she told me to fk off. And hey what do you know - my respect for her rose. Respect isn't something controlled by will, I can hate someone but still respect them, I can hate someone but still trust them. It's something earned on an individual basis

Right now, stand strong, and say no to it... wait... the word no is not enough. Say NEVER
You obviously don't want it or like it

Stop letting him control you and your body like this, if he wants to walk, let him! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF


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## RunawayP (Sep 28, 2012)

It is very extreme. And very unreasonable. 
Do you want to be married to a guy who isn't willing to accept and respect your feelings, after you have given it a try even? I personally would tell him no, and that if he wants to leave then by all means, leave, but if he chooses to stay then he needs to respect your feelings and move on. 
Forcing you to do this would be so, so wrong. Verging on spousal rape, even. Do not give in to his demands, it's not worth it. He isn't worth it if he can't respect you, your body and your feelings.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

You might have to fight extreme with extreme. File for divorce, you don't have to go through with it if he's willing to change but file and see how he reacts to that. Btw, he sounds unstable.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Then be done..


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

You are being sexually abused. I am sorry your husband is putting you through this BS. 

Next time he says it's a threesome or your done tell him your done. 

Look after yourself please. Do not degrade yourself further by agreeing to any of this. You're worth it. 

Or perhaps on your next mmf he'd like to take one for the team?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I feel bad for my ex really to be honest, I used to share her and fk other women on her watch and I lost complete respect for her even though I enjoyed it sexually

My wife who "stole" me from my ex (even though she denies it) would never and has never let me indulge in this, and I respect her for it, and with that respect comes true love.

But not like this... not like this... I couldn't love my ex even though it was my idea all along, she did everything sexually for me, but that wasn't enough. She did not satisfy my need for a long-term relationship... and in that. I need a woman who I can be proud to call my wife, a woman who I can hold and walk together side by side with, not having to drag her along as if she's my daughter.

My wife saved our marriage by standing up for herself. Please do the same and if not for your relationship, at least for yourself!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Did you pack his bags for him and tell him goodbye?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Why do you want to stay married to this man?
Hold on to your son and self respect , and let go of this man.
If you are employed, better yet.
If you are unemployed,then it's time to start working on an exit strategy.
He does not respect you and WILL cheat anyway.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Gross! This man is going to use this as an excuse to cheat on you and then blame YOU for it because you didn't want to have threesomes. Throw 2 dildos at his head and tell him to have a threesome with those!

You are UNCOMFORTABLE with this. You've done it before and you don't really care for it. If I were you, I'd demand sexual favors that will make HIM extremely uncomfortable. Force him to wear the shoes he's trying to force YOU to wear!

MOST couples break up soon after participating in a threesome. If you want to have sex with someone else and your girlfriend isn't enough get out of the relationship - because you don't value her. You don't value your relationship. You don't. Seriously if I ever had a threesome, there would be severe jealousy issues. I'd wonder if he worked on her more, if he paid more attention to her.

Get some self esteem and get out.

http://www.helium.com/items/1076739-do-threesomes-spoil-a-relationship-or-spice-it-up


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## Ryan_sa (May 8, 2012)

I've had a fantasy of having a FFM three-way with my wife for as long as I can remember, however she said no, it doesn't turn her on, and that was the end of it. I could probably push her into it, force her to do it just for my selfish pleasure, but how much pleasure would I get from my wife doing something like that out of guilt, its no better than rape. How would I look into her eyes later and cope with the pain?

If your husband feels that strongly about it, and you want to stay together then he has to get over it. 
Ask him how he would feel if the other man was better than him? what would happen if you started falling in love with the other guy?

You've tried, probably more than most people out there. that alone should be enough. 

I know it going to be hard for you, but the only option I can see is you really putting your foot down, It sounds like you do a lot just to please him. Maybe its time for him to please you? Its time he started to respect you as his wife, and as a woman.
If he wants to start making your life hell, warn him what could happen if you did the same thing, make him sleep in the spare room, and have sex on your terms.
Also have a look at what porn hes into, I'll bet that's where he gets a lot of his ideas from.
I think sex is VERY important in a marriage, For me its an affirmation that every things ok, we love each other, and were happy. 
What ever happens stay true to yourself, and good luck

Ive just read your other post about your husband always wanting sex, and nothing else from you. I think you need to explain to him very clearly that your marriage is broken, and you need to see a therapist. Some of the things I've read make me think there is a lot more going on.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I like many men have fantasies of a MFF threesome. But the are better off being just that, a fantasy.

My wife would never agree to one, and if I did manage to coerce her into one I would lose a lot of respect for her(and myself). That is a douchey thing to do.

I agree with the other posters. When he demands it tell him no. If he says its a threesome or he leaves, show him to the door.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

3Xacharm said:


> Then be done..


Exactly. This man has no respect for you. At all. Tell him "Then we're done."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Sorry, but you can't undo what you've already done...of course he wants more, you've already given in! Threesomes = a license to cheat. The kind of behaviour that should be reserved for singles.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

If you want to have any chance at saving your marriage, you need to do a 180. 

Read up on what a 180 is. Your H is a massive emotional bully.




foreveralwayseternal said:


> Well after 12 years together my husband is telling me that there is no solution and if I do not have threesomes and make them a regular occurrence we are done!
> We have had a mff when we first got together, Not a good time for me. Very uncomfortable. Haven't had one after. 9- 10 years of saying he wants one and describing and asking and telling. We have 2 times with mmf. First time wasn't to bad, I was very terrified, scared and excited about it. Went ok. But husband felt that kissing wasn't ok. and started planning more threesomes and foursomes. I was uncomfortable thinking about doing more. We try and plan another threesome, for what ever reason didn't work out for the night he wanted it to so he was very mean and hateful toward me that night. but next day says he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Then a month or so after that we do our second time mmf with same guy. It was a violating experience for me. I had felt horrible afterwards and i have told my husband I do not want to live this life. I have tried it and its not for me.
> Well he wants it all the time now says he doesn't want to work on just us. He wants threesomes or we are done. He says that i have to do it or he is going to do it anyways. Says he hasn't cheated. and doesn't want to but he needs us to have threesomes. no matter what. I tell him no it not the life for me not what i want and we can work on just us in the bed room if he wants. but he says no. its not to much to ask for me to do this for him. And he's done with us if I don't. He says he is already becoming resentful of me because i will not go and have more threesomes.
> He says there is no solution because I am not willing to budge from no threesomes and lets work on us and he is not willing to budge on having threesomes on a regular basis. Either way one of us is unhappy he says and will become hateful and resentful of the other.
> ...


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

This guy is a JO and either a cuckhold or closet queen. Why the insistence of having another male involved and even hinging your marriage and the proper raising of your child over it? You need to fix this or let him leave. Call his bluff.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Next threesome have the guy mount him and bang your husband. Unless that's his thing.
What he is doing to you is called abuse. You spent too long with this loser.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Also, what kind of example do your want you son to have as a father? 

Because ...this guy is a pig.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

foreveralwayseternal said:


> He wants threesomes or we are done. He says that i have to do it or he is going to do it anyways.


Then tell him "Ok. Have fun with your 3somes because I am not doing them."

He has a choice, but you also have one.



foreveralwayseternal said:


> Says he hasn't cheated. and doesn't want to but he needs us to have threesomes. no matter what. I tell him no it not the life for me not what i want and we can work on just us in the bed room if he wants. but he says no. its not to much to ask for me to do this for him. And he's done with us if I don't. He says he is already becoming resentful of me because i will not go and have more threesomes.


Seriously? This guy has issues. He is very controlling. He wants you to be uncomfortable and knows you don't like it and yet is threatening to cheat & do it anyway if you don't participate. That is not love.



foreveralwayseternal said:


> *He is now telling me I'm so stupid *and to thick skulled to hear what he is saying and i have the power to stop this break up from happening as long as i have threesomes.
> 
> But the threesomes are a major thing for him and *If i do not do them It is a deal breaker.*


Ok then let him have his dealbreaker. Cause you have yours, too.

Be done if he won't respect you feelings on the matter.

Most men, IMO, do not want to share their wife repeatedly with other men/people.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

foreveralwayseternal said:


> Well after 12 years together my husband is telling me that there is no solution and if I do not have threesomes and make them a regular occurrence we are done!
> We have had a mff when we first got together, Not a good time for me. Very uncomfortable. Haven't had one after. 9- 10 years of saying he wants one and describing and asking and telling. We have 2 times with mmf. First time wasn't to bad, I was very terrified, scared and excited about it. Went ok. But husband felt that kissing wasn't ok. and started planning more threesomes and foursomes. I was uncomfortable thinking about doing more. We try and plan another threesome, for what ever reason didn't work out for the night he wanted it to so he was very mean and hateful toward me that night. but next day says he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Then a month or so after that we do our second time mmf with same guy. It was a violating experience for me. I had felt horrible afterwards and i have told my husband I do not want to live this life. I have tried it and its not for me.
> Well he wants it all the time now says he doesn't want to work on just us. He wants threesomes or we are done. He says that i have to do it or he is going to do it anyways. Says he hasn't cheated. and doesn't want to but he needs us to have threesomes. no matter what. I tell him no it not the life for me not what i want and we can work on just us in the bed room if he wants. but he says no. its not to much to ask for me to do this for him. And he's done with us if I don't. He says he is already becoming resentful of me because i will not go and have more threesomes.
> He says there is no solution because I am not willing to budge from no threesomes and lets work on us and he is not willing to budge on having threesomes on a regular basis. Either way one of us is unhappy he says and will become hateful and resentful of the other.
> ...


I have bad news and good news. The bad is that your marriage can't continue with such a level of disrespect on his part. The good news is that you aren't really losing that much by the looks of it. And your hubby is very likely to be a closet homosexual to have that kind of insistence in seeing with another guy. He is living his girly dreams through you. Are interested in being his proxy?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Rarely do I ever get disgusted by things since I have a pretty strong stomach. Your husbands behaviour in this matter disgusts the F out of me.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

To follow up on MEM's advice, here is a link to the 180.
The Healing Heart: The 180

Read it and follow the steps. You need to emotionally disengage from your husband. You have to understand that your marriage is, essentially, over. The only one who can bring it back is your husband. And you can't force him into it. He has to understand that he is losing you, and decide to give up his fantasies in order to keep you.

Otherwise, you will be forced to take away his son and most of his income and savings via divorce. It seems like an easy choice to me.

Good luck.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I hope you are able to get some self esteem back to be able to leave this mess. Surely your self esteem has been bruised! You can heal though, and you can do what you know needs to be done.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Pack his bags and get a lawyer.

This dude doesn't respect you.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

This guy is a pig who does not respect you. You deserve better.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Also, what kind of example do your want you son to have as a father?
> 
> Because ..this guy is a pig.


Agreed!








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

OP you deserve a much better life than this. I am sorry to hear what you are going through.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

foreveralwayseternal said:


> Well after 12 years together my husband is telling me that there is no solution and if I do not have threesomes and make them a regular occurrence we are done!


Tell him to get lost, the loser - and dont mince words. You are not the problem here - he is. And not just a little bit.

12 years? Jeeze, what a waste of time. Sorry.  However - 

Go ahead - let him read this thread for himself, and ask some of your close friends. You will find everyone in agreement on this. 

You want to make youself safe as well - make sure people you know in your families are aware of what is going on. If he is making threats - he knows he is way, way in the wrong. Get some help - and dont waffle around. A good place to start would be with your parents and his if they are available. Church perhaps. Maybe the police - and no - that is not overreacting. You need to make sure someone else knows what is going on - and that your dirtbag husband is aware of it.

I have zero tolerance for little secretive threats and and demands and abuse... and thats what this is. Abuse. Call it what it is. He says he may not come home? Tell him thats just fine if he is going to behave like that, and that you you may not be there either. Do you have somewhere you go if you need?

As soon as somone says they are scared in a relationship - you need to take that very, very seriously. You are not confused - you can see what is happening here.

http://www.safehorizon.org/index/ge...ence-35.html?gclid=CN7V0pC-57ICFUqi4AoduyoAJA

http://www.thehotline.org/

http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/section/_get_help?gclid=CPP9zb6_57ICFVSd4Aodx24AZg

_*"Does your partner scare, criticize, or blame you? Does your partner tell you what to do and who to see? Has your partner ever hurt or threatened you, or pressured you to have sex? You are not alone..."*_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

foreveralwayseternal said:


> Well after 12 years together my husband is telling me that there is no solution and if I do not have threesomes and make them a regular occurrence we are done!


That's as far as I read. From what I can see you have 2 choices. Either give in and give him permission to cheat on you, or divorce. Do you see any other options here??


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

In my very typical southern drawl.......You need to haul ass!!!!!!


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Too late. you already have done it. Once you cross that line it isn't likely you will be coming back. Marriage morphed into something else when you crossed. 
sorry, you cant get the old one back. You set a precedence. Divorce if you dont want to keep doing it. Saying no is too little, too late. You shouldnt have done it before.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You are being sexually and emotionally abused. You and your son will be better off without him. 
If you want to try then call his bluff: tell him fine, then it's over. And be prepared to follow through. Get yourself into counseling and contact a shelter, he sounds like he is a powder keg.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Any good lawyer will tell you that you have the very best grounds for filing for devorce and taking him and his house, cash and his a$$ to the cleaners where you can cleaar him out. this is nothing less than abuse. If I was to make the statement "threesomes or we're through" to my wife Id be terrified to go to sleep that night as she would have done a bobbit on me and Id be called mary after it. 
Lady, get legal advice (now) Get a family member on yourside to confide in if you havent a female friend who can help, work on having the locks of the house changes, protection order in place and kick is rear end out. You dont (no woman does) deserve this


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## foreveralwayseternal (Sep 7, 2010)

Well He gets home last night really late. I am already asleep. He sleeps in the same bed. Then i work early so was gone to work come home for my lunch and he is not talking or nothing. So I just asked him what's going on? He says he doesn't know. He says its not like anything is gonna change. I can't just move out and get an apartment. So i tell him I do not want to be in limbo I need an answer soon. He gets up for a minute and i said ok but we need to try and get this talked about right away i have to get back to work. He proceeds to tell me that, well I can't waste my whole life on you. ok 
We talk and he still doesn't know. So I put it pretty plain and simple. I say ok you can't waste your whole life on me. You say that I am stupid and to thick skulled to understand. I have tried 3 times and its not for me. its not the life that i want. Its the life you want. you say that we have a good marriage besides that. So here are your options: 1. we take a break for a month or two and you go see if the grass is greener. 2.we break up right now. or 3 go to conselling and try and work on us and our marriage. but any thing you pick, we need to try and make this not affect our son as much as possible because he is the whole world. I also said you can think about it and give me an answer, After i get back from work or take the weekend to think on it and what you really want. He said he will not go to counsilling. 
I told him we can decide how to deal with money and living arrangements and other things when he makes a decision. I think that that was ok to say. I got home not to long ago and he is all mad and red faced sitting in the garage where he smokes drinking and listening to loud music.. I said i tried to call him he says he didn't want to answer it and to leave him alone. so..


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

if you dont divorce, he will probably just end up cheating on you anyway. He wants a open marriage for a reason.


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## seasalt (Jul 5, 2012)

Forever,

If he chooses option 1 make him get an STD test if he returns.

You're being abused.

Seasalt


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

He sounds developmentally stunted...as in, he has the emotional maturity level of a child. Hes got a lot of work ahead of him for any sort of change to occur IMO...that is, if he eVer wants to. So sorry...must be very painful.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> He sounds developmentally stunted...as in, he has the emotional maturity level of a child.


:iagree:

He won't go to counselling and wants you to fvck other men "or else."

Why do you want to be with this guy? 

Does he demand his way or no way in other aspects of your relationship?

I bet he does.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

He's a nacissistic jerk of the nth degree. Let him go and find a monogomous man who appreciates you and doesn't hang very unreasonable and degrading demands over your head.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> . I said i tried to call him he says he didn't want to answer it and to leave him alone. so..


Probably looking at gay porn...


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

First off... well done on standing your ground and faceing up to him. Even better because you took the controlling factor. Hes sulking like a child. He expected you to drop and go with what he says. He wont go to councilling because he doesnt want anyone to know that he basis your marridge on having a threesome which for ANY good councillor is unreasonable. Stick your round becuase if yo dont you will be used like a piece of meet and no partner should be treated like that. Get legal advice NOW please! This guy is going to stray, if he hasnt already if he stays with you. I suspect that a this is beyond fixing.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

foreveralwayseternal said:


> 1. we take a break for a month or two and you go see if the grass is greener. 2.we break up right now. or 3 go to conselling and try and work on us and our marriage. but any thing you pick, we need to try and make this not affect our son as much as possible because he is the whole world.


I don't understand why you would give him the license to cheat. If youwant to save your marriage, WHY would you say "go ahead and see what's out there for a couple months then come back and decide"? This should not even be an option at this point. You played right into his hands... you have given him permission to cheat. You should have stuck with the last two options: split or work on the marriage. Allowing him to go off for a couple months to have sex with whomever he wants is not the answer to the problem at hand. What happens if he comes back but then decides he wants this again? What will you do then?


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

:scratchhead:What's this?...You mean that bringing multiple people into the sexual relationship besides you and your husband didn't work out and turned out to be a bad idea? NO - that can't be! I mean, who could have seen this coming?!?

Sorry for the sarcasm OP, but after reading your story, I just had to shake my head. I'm glad that you are finally taking a stand and telling your jackazz of a husband that you choose a different life. You deserve better. You deserve a husband that will love, honor and cherish you and treat you and your family with the respect that it deserves. I'm sure that I am coming off as being judgemental. If I am, so be it. But it really amazes me how our society today can can live with a "do it if it feels good" attitude and then act all surprized when something bad happens. 
Bringing others into the marital bed is never a good idea. I'm sure that I will be castigated on these boards for saying that, as there are many posters and TAM users who have indicated that they have done it in the past or are currently doing it with little to no side effects. In these cases, I would argue that what you have is a mutually acceptable sexual benefits contract that is socially acceptable - not a marriage. And for every couple that says that it does not hurt their relationship, there are loads of others where the relationship is destroyed. I'm sure that of the millions of people around the world that are or have been addicted to heroin, there are a few where the addiction had no long lasting negative effects on their life. In 99.9% of those people, however, the effects were disastrous. 
OK. I'm off my soapbox for now and I apologize if I offended anyone's sensibilities by coming off as too judgemental, but I think that judgement is at the root of judgemental and there appears to be a sorely lacking amount of judgement being used today.
To the OP, get out of this marriage and away from this man. Staying will only produce more harm to your and your child. I really do wish you the best of luck.


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## Samus (Aug 28, 2012)

I had to reply to this thread as I can't be more disgusted at your immature loser husband's attitude. 

This selfishness is unbearably ridiculous. First of all tell him to fvck off with his threats, women have so MUCH power when it comes to the courts and screwing men over and here is a perfect example where that system WORKS wonders. 

Use it and abuse it, like he is abusing you now. You get your kid, you get child support and possibly alimony (FREE MONEY) from him by the courts. He doesn't want to pay throw his ass in jail.

This guy is putting his selfishness above you and your child, which is absolutely disgusting.

Tell your family start exposing this CREEP. This is why you never let another person in something as sacred as a marriage. See what happens. 

Fools!!!

Good luck.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

i cant believe all the people thinking she abused. she did three somes before. she made a choice. Now she chooses not to. He wants someone who does three somes.

seems it is a matter of choices. Not like it is a marriage vow concern, they blew that out of the water already by a long shot. 

it is about choices now.

he can have three somes, four somes, ten somes if that is what he wants in life.

she doesnt then she doesnt have to.

They both have choices. Looks pretty cut and dry to me. 

i dont agree with a open type relationship, but hey, if he wants threesomes and can have threesomes.

she doesnt have to be a part of it. That is her choice. you all act like she is abused and this is a marriage vow thing.. HELLO????

She already agreed to this multiple times before and the marriage vows were LONG SHOT way before now.

:scratchhead: :rofl:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

bribrius said:


> i cant believe all the people thinking she abused. she did three somes before. she made a choice. Now she chooses not to. He wants someone who does three somes.
> 
> seems it is a matter of choices. Not like it is a marriage vow concern, they blew that out of the water already by a long shot.
> 
> ...


Yes, she made a choice in the past... But she is choosing NOW to stand up for herself and NOT do them anymore. And, it is NOT unrealistic to expect her husband to agree to it IF he wants to remain MARRIED. Plenty of people do stupid things they wish they hadn't in their marriages. Does that mean they should resign themselves to continue doing them if their spouses want to do it? HELL NO! People are able to forgive infidelity and repair the marriages (obviously not the same marriage as before the cheating), so there is no reason to think that something like THIS can't be turned around if the OP's husband would get his head out of his ass. (Sorry if that offends you OP, but that's how I see it when a man INSISTS that his wife HAS to sleep with other men when she has stated she has ZERO interest in it, even though she did it previously). And she has every right to divorce him because of it. SHE doesn't want any extra people in the marriage anymore. HE, SELFISHLY, DOES.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Yes, she made a choice in the past... But she is choosing NOW to stand up for herself and NOT do them anymore. And, it is NOT unrealistic to expect her husband to agree to it IF he wants to remain MARRIED. Plenty of people do stupid things they wish they hadn't in their marriages. Does that mean they should resign themselves to continue doing them if their spouses want to do it? HELL NO! People are able to forgive infidelity and repair the marriages (obviously not the same marriage as before the cheating), so there is no reason to think that something like THIS can't be turned around if the OP's husband would get his head out of his ass. (Sorry if that offends you OP, but that's how I see it when a man INSISTS that his wife HAS to sleep with other men when she has stated she has ZERO interest in it, even though she did it previously). And she has every right to divorce him because of it. SHE doesn't want any extra people in the marriage anymore. HE, SELFISHLY, DOES.


two different lifestyles. He knows what he wants. she knows what she wants. incompatible. nuff said? 
:lol:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

bribrius said:


> two different lifestyles. He knows what he wants. she knows what she wants. incompatible. nuff said?
> :lol:


Oh, no. I agree that they each know what they want. I was just saying that the options were to fix it (counseling, which he is refusing) or divorce. There is no reason for her to put up with this BS.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

well i think he is explaining that is her choice. Do it or divorce. Seems pretty cut and dry. Divorce appears inevitable.
.


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## fortheloveofit2 (Oct 1, 2012)

jfv said:


> You might have to fight extreme with extreme. File for divorce, you don't have to go through with it if he's willing to change but file and see how he reacts to that. Btw, he sounds unstable.


Yes file for divorce. Your husband has lost his mind.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I think a woman has every right to not want to get plowed by other dudes while she's married, even if she agreed to it in the past. It's a bit over the top of OP's husband to threaten over something like this.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Hey OP if you have not figured out the general consensus it is that your husband is a complete dolt and knuckle dragger. Do yourself and your son a big favor and file on Monday. Start calling the shots and let everyone close to you know why you are doing it. Remember the scene from the first part of LA Confidential when Russell Crowe is kicking the crap out of the abusive husband? That's what needs to happen to your husband. He has ABUSED YOU! Emotionally and pyhsically. Quit wasting your life on this fool and move on!


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

foreveralwayseternal said:


> Well after 12 years together my husband is telling me that there is no solution and if I do not have threesomes and make them a regular occurrence we are done!
> We have had a mff when we first got together, Not a good time for me. Very uncomfortable. Haven't had one after. 9- 10 years of saying he wants one and describing and asking and telling. We have 2 times with mmf. First time wasn't to bad, I was very terrified, scared and excited about it. Went ok. But husband felt that kissing wasn't ok. and started planning more threesomes and foursomes. I was uncomfortable thinking about doing more. We try and plan another threesome, for what ever reason didn't work out for the night he wanted it to so he was very mean and hateful toward me that night. but next day says he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Then a month or so after that we do our second time mmf with same guy. It was a violating experience for me. I had felt horrible afterwards and i have told my husband I do not want to live this life. I have tried it and its not for me.
> Well he wants it all the time now says he doesn't want to work on just us. He wants threesomes or we are done. He says that i have to do it or he is going to do it anyways. Says he hasn't cheated. and doesn't want to but he needs us to have threesomes. no matter what. I tell him no it not the life for me not what i want and we can work on just us in the bed room if he wants. but he says no. its not to much to ask for me to do this for him. And he's done with us if I don't. He says he is already becoming resentful of me because i will not go and have more threesomes.
> He says there is no solution because I am not willing to budge from no threesomes and lets work on us and he is not willing to budge on having threesomes on a regular basis. Either way one of us is unhappy he says and will become hateful and resentful of the other.
> ...




obviously this is something that he wanted to do as a lifestyle . he was honest with you about wanting to do it but not about how much he wanted to do it . he should have been honest with you that he didnt want to " try " it but wanted it to be a lifestyle . 

when you agreed to try it you agreed to just that . " try " . if you did not like it because you dont like 3somes then your husband needs to respect that and move on . if you did like it but did not like how it went or who it was with etc . then you should talk to your husband and tell him how , you want it and enjoy . but the main thing is communication and honesty . 

if he feels like he will not be happy in a relationship without 3somes and he is honest enough to tell you that be glad . he could easily do it behind your back . although he should love and respect you enough to accept your decision to not do it , he loves and respects you enough to be honest and not cheat on you . 

we tend to believe that if we love our partner then the sex will take care of itself . if that were true sex would not be one of the biggest causes for divorce .


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

A good legal councillor will love this as it comes under the unreasonable behaviour. It could also fall in to the causing mental anguish category. It certainly breaks the "forsaking all others". The fact you "tried" it to please him initailly shows that you were happy to do so to please him. The fact that only he is pleased, the fact that you now feel threatened by this way of life will be seen as time to wrap it up. It may be wise to consider the divorce route especially as he is now threatening you with it (its over?)


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## farside (Oct 27, 2012)

I know its not trendy or cutting edge, but when one marries they need to assume that that means they are committing to monogamy. The fact that she allowed them to explore the boundaries does not waive or diminish that. I have read nothing indicating that he was mislead going into the marriage and his attitude of entitlement is troubling.

To break a child's home apart because someone can't commit to their wife and uphold their vow is pathetic. Does he understand that counseling doesn't mean he will be per se told he is flat out wrong but will explore ways to satisfy them both within the bounds of their vows? There are other things he could explore without bringing in a third party.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

What would your little boy think of you, if he found out later in life? Is it worth it?
Your husband s a selfish pr*ck!!


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