# Someone PLEASE Help!!



## MrsT2U (Jun 20, 2011)

To make a long story short, my husband and I are both 22, in the military, and have been married for 2 years. We didn't know eachother for squat when we married and everything has been rocky from the start. At first, I was the one causing problems, then once I got my crap together, he became the one causing issues. We have been deployed for the past 10 months and this deployment has been nothing short of an emotional, physical rollercoaster. Every couple of months he has wanted a divorce and then changes his mind (after I have cried, pleaded, so on..). These last 2+ months though, have been different. He has cut me off from everything, is persistant with wanting to split, is really mean and cold hearted.. Sometimes he acts like he wants to come around, but 98% of the time, i get shut completely down. All the while I am getting this feeling from his behavior and small rumors that the he might be cheating (Oddly enough, the chick looks alot like me?!). He has become an ugly person. He doesn't seem to care about anything or want to deal with anything other than whats going on in his present circle. His own family doesn't really here from him or even his real friends. He says one thing, does another. blames his whole being on me --> "Youve turned me into who I am".. Theres no accountability for his actions. Nothing. 

We are both gonna be home next month (me before him) and I am now trying to focus on the reality of moving on with my life. But I am worried about what to do if/when he tries to come home. I don't trust him. Period. I never in my life thought I would ever let someone control me like he does. It just makes me feel sick.

I just don't know what to do in general. If it was up to me we would work through it. But he obviously doesn't want to and has no plans on doing so. I am tired of chasing him. It feels like that's all I do. It all feels like one big game and all I want to do is be married and go home and hang out with my husband. Sucks. 

ADIVCE PLEASE!!!!


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

When you get home, talk to him. See what his thoughts and plans really are at this point. Since you have been deployed and haven't really gotten to spend time together, it is probably difficult for you to get a good grasp on the situation. 

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all of this while being deployed! Thank you for serving our country!

I hope you find the advice that you need here. There are some great people here with really awesome advice. As for me, I'm just another "newlywed" (1.5 years) that is looking for advice as well. I wouldn't be the best at giving advice on this situation, but just know that you are not alone!

Good luck!


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## wife2 (Nov 22, 2011)

aww sweetheart, let him go, it sounds like he is not grown up enough to handle an adult relationship, and if he is cheating, it's over anyway. There is someone out there who will love u the way u deserve, sounds like u guys may have jumped in too soon. You said yourself u cant trust him, u cant have a marriage without trust, i know, i am in one now, and it is dieng fast. also, dont ever degrade yourself by begging any man to stay with you, if they are worth it, they will want to. good luck to u


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## LBG (Nov 22, 2011)

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## LBG (Nov 22, 2011)

LBG said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let me start with Thank You for what you and your hubby both do. Now, here's my story H and I started dating 2 months later he left for basic, we wrote letters but he wasn't allowed to use the phone at all. The next time I seen him was at grad, from there's I seen him a few days here and there until he went to Airborne school when I stayed at a hotel the entire 3 three weeks. We got married the Monday after he grad Airborne and he lwft for Korea three weeks later. Bam, I'm PG and already have 2 kids......we didn't know each other well enough to be in this situation but it was too late. He was 19 and I was 24, Korea was a nightmare we fought constantly. Finally he was back stateside and had to move me with our 3 kids to NC. I'd never been away from home and we just didn't communicate well at all. Our first year we fought constantly and both thought we'd made a huge mistake. Things were absolutely horrible. Finally, we started adjusting and he gets deployed. We fought all the way through it because he's insecure and jealous, both constantly saying we were done and needed to divorce. Thankfully we pulled through, but fast forward to now and we've been through 4 deployments and learned to communicate. Each deployment changed him from some of the horrible things he had to see and participate in. There's things he still will not share with me and feels like he'll be going to hell for.

I'm telling you all of this because there is hope. Once he's home and you've both had time to adjust to being back stateside and to each other maybe it'll get better. Don't try to figure out all of your marital issues with a deployed spouse. Just do the best you can to support him even though he's not supporting you at the moment. Maybe he's not strong enough, maybe like my H he's having a hard time coming to terms with whatever he's witnessed or done. It's a different world over there as you know. Men take longer to mature than women and mine seemed to take forever. 

I hope that for your sake he is not cheating (how awful to be deployed and worrying about that), but if he is tell his chain of command as I'm sure you know adultery is a HUGE no-no in the military. It can cost him rank, pay and get him extra duty. 

I wish you the best. The military is a hard life for a married couple and even more so because you're dual miliary.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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