# It's your son or me-



## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I am really trying to not make this a wall of text. I want to give both sides of the story the best I can.

My husband of four years (together 7 years total) and I have a fairly decent history of break ups/get back togethers-mostly him breaking up and me caving when he comes back. Last break up was April of last year. He moved out. A few months later we were pretty much back together but living apart. 

I have an almost 19 year old son who is a great, loving kid but has gotten into some trouble. About three years ago I had to pick him up at the police station twice for some stupid crap he pulled. Since my husband is about an hour away, I would spend Saturday nights there. We have come back to one good sized party and one aftermath of a party. Not good of course but nothing trashed or stolen. 

We decided to follow a great job offer he had to move across the country and move back in together. My husband decides after party #2 that we cannot bring my son. He then goes on to tell me that he doesn't want to live in fear of my son ending up having to come out by us when something happens and he can't live on his own. My guess is this was his way of getting me to pull the plug since no rational person can expect a woman to stay married to someone who says "we are going to move 3000 miles away and your son can't come." I was so in shock. I said I can't accept that and we didn't talk from Saturday to Monday. I thought he would cool off and come around. He says a lot of crappy things when he is mad.

Monday I received an email that he wants a divorce. AN EMAIL. In celebration of his forth break up with me, I actually got a lawyer and am filing for divorce next week. 

This really doesn't pose any questions. Maybe it would help to hear from people on both sides of the parent/step-parent thing.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Hmm well I understand the divorce. This guy obviously has played and toyed with this for a while now you are taking charge of the "game."

as a parent though there comes a time where your kid is going to have to learn to face the consequences of his actions. It does sound like mom is always there to bail him out therefor he isn't afraid of what is going to happen. Not saying he is bad as 90% of these celebatards out there but if you don't make your son face the consequences of his bad choices he is going to be come one.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Meant that as me myself a parent not that you are necciasrly deficent maybe guilty of loving to much and not making him respect you enough.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I agree Niceguy. I never got into any trouble at all when I was a teenager. I was the complete opposite-band, excellent grades, etc. This is new territory for me.

My son did learn from his stupidity those few years back and that has been put behind us. The parties are another issue, though. I never had a chance to have a party when I was his age so I don't even know if that's something a lot of 19 year olds would do if they had the house every weekend. Would they?


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

I was a partying teenager if he is partying every weekend he is neglecting himself and just "embracing" life. Not much can be done about it though minus saying no more in your house, if he wants to have a party at the house have him run it by you. Being over 18 though he can do whatever he wants and of course he will resent you if you say anything about the company he keeps. Glad he learned though about the one issue though.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I agree with Niceguy, your son is old enough to take care of himself. However, my kids are 15 & 10 and I can't imagine living 3000 miles away from them. 
I can see why you are torn.
What "man" says he wants a divorce via email?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

My son's parties aside, my problem here is that someone actually expected me to choose between him and my son. Has anyone actually had this happen to them?

My son did not want to move. At first he was like godspeed mom, then when it sunk in he didn't like the idea at all. He would have moved and not liked it at all and that's when I found out my husband was dead serious about it. Also included in that conversation, his hatred of the dog I have had long before him. I will take two of the three at this point-my son and my dog.

and DeliquentGurl his choice to email did not surprise me after the initial shock. This is someone who can't call and change is own appointments.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Niceguy13 said:


> I was a partying teenager if he is partying every weekend he is neglecting himself and just "embracing" life. Not much can be done about it though minus saying no more in your house, if he wants to have a party at the house have him run it by you. Being over 18 though he can do whatever he wants and of course he will resent you if you say anything about the company he keeps. Glad he learned though about the one issue though.


thank you for your posts. Good stuff to think about. My son graduated high school early and is in college while his friends finish up their senior year. He chastises me for my eating habits and tells me I don't buy enough fresh fruit and veggies. The kid does take himself seriously, until a party rears its ugly head.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Any man who would force the choice compared to offering support deserves to be left wayside anyways. Its not his kid so he doesn't get much say in that regard. He obviously hasn't tried to be a male figure that your son listens to. He should be helping you though not saying boot your son out of your life.

My little bits are still young and I fear they may go through what I went through or worse (to be fair I am a surrogate father to my nieces the two oldest seeing me as their male influece and they have gone through the late teen pains) and its fine line to walk between supporting your child and being there for them and letting them learn from their mistakes. I do not envy your situation.


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