# How hard is it to quit smoking, really?



## Dill

I am not sure how to proceed, here. 

My husband and I have had a very troubled marriage all along. We've been married 11 years. He has always complained that I am depressed, and that I'm not into sex very much. These things are true, because I have not been happy with him as my husband. He himself has always been depressed, and angry, and copes with many different addictions - alcohol, cigarettes, weed, video games, and porn, although he hasn't looked at porn in some time. 

As anyone who has a spouse with addictions knows, the worst thing is all the lies and broken promises. I am almost done with him now. I can't take it any more. He was sick with the flu a few weeks ago and decided that he wanted to quit smoking for good, his lungs hurt so much. He told me this was IT, he had 6 more cigarettes that he was going to make stretch and then he PROMISED he would never smoke another one. 

We have had SO MANY conversations over the years about broken promises - about how I can't trust him if he keeps breaking his word to me. So he told me this time, he wouldn't promise something now unless he meant it. He said I could trust him. 

We've been fighting a lot lately, he even told me that he thinks our relationship is over. His main complaint is that I'm not enthusiastic enough about sex, although he went on to say that I don't deserve to be with a man who is angry all the time. He mentioned maybe separating. Then last night he suddenly wanted to make up and took me out to dinner. It was nice - until he told me he found a new pack of cigarettes in the car (unlikely) and it's great, he's only smoking one per day and THEN he will quit. I felt like he had slapped me in the face, not only because he had broken a promise AGAIN but because he seemed not even to notice. 

Always, when he breaks a promise he thinks it's not a big deal because he has an excuse, right? He seems truly flabbergasted that I have a problem with it, if I call him on it. 

My parents will be back in town tomorrow after their vacation, I am thinking of asking them if the kids and I can move in with them for a bit. But first I wanted to ask: Am I being unreasonable in counting a promise about quitting smoking to be a real promise? I mean, is quitting smoking so difficult that it might "make" him break his promise?

In my gut, I think he just doesn't respect me at all and doesn't give a crap how he makes me feel. Because why else would he act so casual about it every time he breaks his word? But since I might actually leave him over this, I thought it would be a good idea to get a few extra opinions. I myself have never quit smoking or been addicted to anything, really, so maybe I just don't get it. 

By the way, he's lied to me hundreds of times over the years. Always it goes back to one of his addictions. He lies to hide them, or to hide how much he spends on them.

Like I said, we've had lots of problems. He has lots of baggage from a messed up childhood, and I feel for him. This one broken promise though, I feel is the last straw.


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## Mavash.

In all this your question is about how hard it is to quit smoking?


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## Hope1964

It is really really really hard. I have quit probably a dozen or more times and I always start up again. I hate it and if I could go back in time to when I took my first smoke at 13 I would go a slap myself upside the head. 

You have no idea - it is super super hard.


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## Almostrecovered

like really hard super duper hard


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## Dill

Mavash. said:


> In all this your question is about how hard it is to quit smoking?


Yes. I know, I tend to go on...I wanted to put it in context though.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

It's very hard to quit. My husband never smoked a day in his life. I was a pack a day smoker for years.

I didn't want him knowing I smoked, so I quit. The first two weeks were the toughest. I replaced smoking with running. I kinda quit cold turkey. I remember sneaking one here and there, but it's been 13 years since I last smoked. I really enjoyed it too.

I later told my husband after we were married that I smoked. He had no clue. I guess love is blind at first.

It sounds as if you have many issues other then smoking. I only smoked cigarettes and nothing else. My ex h smoked pot, I was not okay with it. 

My husband would not be okay with my smoking. I have no intentions of lighting up again.


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## Mavash.

Dill said:


> Yes. I know, I tend to go on...I wanted to put it in context though.


Okay then I will answer your question.

It's VERY VERY VERY hard to quit.

It's akin to giving up sugar, alcohol, caffeine, or any other addictive drug like substance.


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## Hope1964

I've heard cigarettes are more addictive than heroin. Don't know if that's true, and I have never been addicted to heroin so I can't compare. All I know is it's freaking HARD.


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## Almostrecovered

I'll take up heroin and let you know


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Hope1964 said:


> I've heard cigarettes are more addictive than heroin. Don't know if that's true, and I have never been addicted to heroin so I can't compare. All I know is it's freaking HARD.


i have heard the same thing.
i havent done heroin myself...yet :/


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## CLucas976

It is hard to quit smoking. in fact lately, I've considered quitting, and I find myself suddenly hoarding cigarettes like no ones business. Within a day, I will find that I have 2-3 open packs of cigarettes. Like I am compulsively afraid of not having any.

That being said. Your real problem isn't the cigarette smoking, and I think you know that. It isn't that he said he'd quit and then didn't, otherwise your long ramble wouldn't have happened or been necessary.


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## Almostrecovered

I just realized I have no idea on how to buy heroin


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## Hope1964

Almostrecovered said:


> I just realized I have no idea on how to buy heroin


Hmmmm, maybe try going downtown and hanging out at a biker bar??

And what do you do with it once you get it? You have to have a needle, right? Do you have one of those?


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## Almostrecovered

you can snort it or smoke it too

IV users say you get a bigger high from injecting


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## that_girl

I have smoked on and off for 19 years. I would go years without and then start up. Smoked a pack a day as a teen...but now, MAYBE 5 smokes a week. Maybe.

I haven't had any in about a week now...because I had the flu. It's becoming very much "take it or leave it" attitude. I like it.


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## mr.miketastic

To quit smoking while in a marriage or relationship requires quite a bit of understanding, empathy and patience from the non-smoker in the partnership.
I can tell you that nagging, with-holding sex, or any other stressors can cause a relapse.
If you are demanding that he just quit at the drop of a hat, then harangue him when he doesn't when YOU order him to, then expect him to go underground with it.
When me and my wife quit, I got free patches through a program at work...guess who took over the patches (tantrums and crying all over) and expected me to cold-turkey it?
He needs help to get over it, because it is just as much a mental addiction as it is a physical one. Many people who are past or present victims of abuse use smoking to self-medicate.


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## Dill

Okay well, after so many of you told me it's really really hard to quit smoking, I decided not to make a huge deal of this situation. However, when he came home from work today, I did tell him that it bothered me that he had broke his promise. He tried to say he had promised something different than what I thought--well whatever, we agreed to disagree, but he was really angry that I brought it up, started saying that "all I do is b****" and really talking to me in an unkind way, being really sarcastic like he often is. 

I told him calmly that I didn't want him to talk to me that way any more. I mean really, I just can't take all this sarcasm any more. I don't deserve it at all, and I told him that if he wants me to be the adoring wife he wants, I really need him to learn to speak to me more respectfully. 

At this, he became really angry. He told me he is moving out. I kept saying (calmly) that I am quite willing to work things out, we just need to learn how to treat each other nicely. But no, apparently he doesn't want to work things out, he's "sick of trying," and "he can't take my b****ing any more." Okay, whatever. I told him if that is truly what he wants, I won't hold him back. Then I went grocery shopping. When I got back, he glared at me with utter hatred and then went out to the garage. 

I am tempted to believe he is acting like this because he is in the process of quitting smoking, but honestly, this is not the first time he's threatened to move out. The prospect of having to treat someone respectfully is just too overwhelming for him, I guess. I wonder if he will go through with it this time. 

This isn't really in the realm of the Addictions forum anymore so I'll stop there.


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## Almostrecovered

If he is in the middle of nicotine withdraw he will be incredibly agitated and say things he wouldn't otherwise. Which isn't an excuse, however, he can't be "reasoned" with


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## Dill

Thank you, I will keep that in mind.


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## HazelGrove

My husband had stopped smoking cigarettes before he met me (he was on the patch). When he met me, he ripped off the patch and put himself through cold turkey. He still smokes pot, and that doesn't bother me (he smokes a small amount a week.)

But 14 months after stopping, after we'd married, he started cigarettes again, because of financial stress. It stinks and I hate it, even though he does it outside and tries to minimise the unpleasantness to me. I appreciate the efforts he makes, but I smell it on his clothes, hair, breath - I really find it nauseous. He says he'll stop when he's ready. 

From what he says, it's the hardest thing in the world to stop. Nicotine is stronger than heroin as a drug. It's really addictive. I have looked into it and it seems he's right. But I still wish he'd stop, as you do with your husband. It has made my day-to-day life less pleasant, and especially, my attraction to him is being challenged because I miss his lovely smell now all I smell is that atrocious cigarette smell. He says he understands, but still won't stop, because he says he's too stressed at the moment (he is, that's true.) So I hope when we get through this stressful period he'll stop again and stay off it!


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## tacoma

Dill said:


> I mean, is quitting smoking so difficult that it might "make" him break his promise?



:rofl:
Oh my yes!!

Hell I wouldn`t just break promises, I`d break stuff, relationships,...whatever.

Herion has got nothin' on nicotine...nothing.


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## Speed

I am an ex-smoker. But it was never really an addiction for me. I have always been able to start and stop whenever I felt like it.

My wife, on the other hand, is addicted as all hell. She stopped smoking when she was pregnant with our children but she started back up shortly after both of them were born. She tends to get defensive the moment I mention her quitting. We actually talked about it this morning and she said that she needed to quit.

The majority of people that I know smoke. They tell me it is damn near impossible to stop. A friend of mine has told me he has quit 5 times in the last two years. His wife is just as bad.

I would judge him more on breaking promises on things that do require effort on his part but are not addictive in nature.


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## Gratitude

I have smoked for 14 years. I'm in the process of quitting (the only time I stopped was when I was pregnant).

There are medications out there to help (in Australia we have Champix), hypnotherapy works for some people. Also recommend Allen Carr's book on quitting (he also has clinics in his name worldwide providing quitting sessions, albeit at a cost.)

For long term smokers, it's not just the physical symptoms. It becomes a habit - what you do after you eat, when you drink, when you're bored - it becomes such a part of your daily life that it's not always that simple to just stop. 

Perhaps some tools can help him. In the meantime, understand that he will be edgy but don't let him go over the top or you'll just have enough and end up screaming 'GO have a cigarette!!'. This is a good cycle we go through.


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## smith9800

If you are a chin smoker then yeah...it's very hard. But if you are with strong determination then you can do it.....


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## madwitt3

I still smoke and its very hard to stop. Let me help you help him. Get some tea tree oils from your local health food store and get some toothpicks. Tell him when he has a craving fir a puff to dip the toothpick in the oil, the wood will absorb it. Chew on it and it will help with the oral and the taste is almost menthol like. Thats how I did it, but i went back to smoking with all the stressers in life. So yes its really hard.

You need to work on your communication more. You need to figure out the problems and work on them together. Respect and support each other to do the right thing in your marriage. Dont point fingers and say well your doing thi or that and vice versa. Talk to each other and work our the problems. Tell him, honey I am really concerned about you being healthy and it would mean a lot to stop. Is he going to mess up..........YES. Try and try to you get the results you need. Just do it out of love, because you care for him not to have control.

Lying is a part of a self defense mechanism, he is coping with his failures in denial through it. See through it and help him out of it, don't push him back in the hole.


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## Dill

Thanks so much everyone for your words of advice. 

Although my husband was planning to move out a little while ago, when he actually went to look for apartments we both realized we definitely didn't want that. We talked a lot and worked things out. And I am trying to be way more forgiving about his inability to quit smoking. It's hard for me, because I have never smoked and I just don't see what's so appealing about those reeking things...but I am trying to just be nice about it.

Anyway, things are much better now. Thanks for letting me know I was being unreasonable.


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## koolasma

its hard for everyone who smokes... but when they get to know that its injurious for health they should read everything abt the smoking effects...that can kill ur lungs and many more things..
u can lose ur life even..huh..may God give u courage to give up it


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## fromblisstothis

I quit cold turkey after my separation about a month and a half ago. 

After I moved out of our home, I was so depressed – I found myself sitting on the porch all night long smoking (a pack a night). Then I would feel absolutely horrid in the morning. After a week of this I said ENOUGH! I figured I was already feeling the worst I had ever felt in my life because of the end of my relationship – why not quit and get it over with – and give myself something to be proud of everyday!!
I am happy to say that I have not had a single cigarette since I made that decision (I had tried to quit a million times before).
I also signed up for a Marathon in October . I figured if I can just ‘decide’ to quit smoking and actually do it, then I can make a decision to do just about anything (with hard work of course)...have you ever noticed how many cute men go for a run in the morning??? 

Is it hard to quit – OH MY WORD!! It’s awful!! Some days I crave one all day!! Some days I think to myself – WOW I haven’t thought about smoking all day...it really super tough.


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## lamaga

I don't know why this zombie thread has been resurrected, but I will share with you a story.

My dad is 80 years old, and he quit smoking in 1979. He recently told me that not a day has passed since that he doesn't miss it.

It's stronger than heroin. Really.


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## Amplexor

lamaga said:


> I don't know why this zombie thread has been resurrected, .


To post an ad for nicorette 

I quit 20+ years ago. I don't miss it at all but am sure if I picked one up and smoked it, I'd start again.


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## nnm0989

HI
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## Jemm

I've been taking buproprion for a week not sure its really doing anything. Tomorrow is my quit date, and I bought a giant box of nicorrette. Congrats to you!!! That is an awesome accomplishment, I needed some inspiration
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nomads

I'm not smoker (as matter of fact I can't stand the smells, tend to have allergic reaction if around too long). So my answer based on my observation towards people surround me. My dad was heavy smokers, really, really bad and then I notice he quits just like that. I remember, he told my mom he will quit smoking tomorrow (back in the 80's), since then we never see him smoking anymore. I notice my mom never fighting over my dad's smoking habit in front of me though.

In the contrary, my husband facing a hard time to quit. Couple of time he fell of the wagon. I never force him to quit though as its just my personality (I'm raised to understand what is good/bad, my parent never told me what to do since I was a kid. My dad will let me know the consequences instead of 'you must do this'.). Which couple of times my MIL sounds irritating the way I handle the situation. She even told me, that her son is my responsibility (which contradict how I raised).

I did acknowledge him though about the fact, smoking is not good for his health etc. (by sending him articles through emails) but I never fight with him over this issues. I told him, 'You are an adult so you know what is best for you' but I did told him not to smoke inside the house. I told him as well that I won't take care of him if he ever end up hospitalized because of cig. (yes, I can be that cold ). I told him, its his consequences.

One time I made him diagram, how much money he has been spending on smoking/beers etc., within 1 year the money can afford a nice house in the USA (we live abroad and yes, beers/wine/cig. are really really expensive where we are living). Those were many many years ago.

Couple months ago he told me that he will quit cig. for good. I took it lightly, knowing he has been fell of the wagon and been promising me for almost 8 years. He went to my doctor to get some medicine for quitting cig. He is now 6 months free of cig. I'm so proud of him. 1 or 2 times he really want cig. badly and I remind him how hard he has working on it. Yes, during the process, he is becoming more easy to get mad, grumpy, etc. He told me, I must understand the situation. All I did was, try my best to avoiding and ignoring him (as I'm sensitive woman, really polite. I wasn't even swearing "F" till met my husband. I do turn into different person if someone offend me, that's just how I raised, I shouldn't take any insult and must fight back if ever someone hurting me (I'm the only one child, so my dad make sure, his girl knows how to defend herself. My dad told me never ever start a fight but if you must defend your dignity and life then so be it). 

I believe it takes time and maturity to ending any 'bad' habits and only the person who commit the bad habits can stop by their own willingness. Nothing we can do but remind them, though at the end it's all up to them (Those are about cig., deeper than that, marriages etc., I guess you are the one who know what best for you as you are the one who facing your husband 24 - 7). If you can take it, is this the kind of marriage you need? Is both of you make each other happy? etc.

Wish you the best of luck.


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## Dimetrion

How hard is it to give up smoking? Well, as an RN, I worked in mental health for 5+ years. I've dealt with alcoholics, opiate addicts, meth addicts, you name it. 

Over the years, I've asked many of them about the difficulty of giving up their habit and giving up smoking. EVERY SINGLE ONE has ALWAYS said that giving up smoking was by FAR the most difficult, if not impossible.


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