# I want my family back



## Jessjess2309 (Jun 28, 2021)

A few days ago my husband walked on me and our 5 month old son saying he doesn't think he wants to be married anymore. I'm absolutely shattered. I don't know what to do or where to go. He is in the Army and we are stationed on the other side of the country from any family. I have absolutely no friends here and am a stay at home mom right now. I have no one to talk to. I do not want this. My biggest dream was to be a stay at home mother. And I'm so grateful I am able to do so. I don't want a broken family. I don't want to be a single mother. He is taking away my biggest dream. Things he promised me things I've worked so hard for. I believe in marriage is a lifetime commitment and I would never remarry meaning I will never have anymore children. It's absolutely heartbreaking. If he decides to leave I will have nothing. The thought of this gives me massive anxiety attacks. I'm sorry so random. I just need people to talk to.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I'm sorry he did this. I would concentrate on the right now and deal with the future when you're better equipped. Does the Army have any support services such as family counselling where you are?

Maybe he will change his mind, maybe you will want him back if he does. If not, it's not like he can just walk away with no commitments. At the very least he has an obligation to support your child.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Did he give any indication of what brought this on? There had to be something leading up to this. How long have you been married and what issues were you having?


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## Jessjess2309 (Jun 28, 2021)

I'm not sure how to go about counseling in the Army. I don't think he will change his mind. He has stated he will not do counseling with me or by him self. I'm pretty much at his mercy. I have no money and job because we agreed it would be better for me to raise our family instead of work. I know I can't force him to stay. But I really don't know how I can handle all of this. My son doesn't deserve this.


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## Jessjess2309 (Jun 28, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Did he give any indication of what brought this on? There had to be something leading up to this. How long have you been married and what issues were you having?


I have been struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety while also grieving a huge family loss that has caused a lot of tension because he doesn't understand it. He has been distant and not very supportive because he doesn't know how to. 

He's also talked to other women online in an inappropriate way in the past that we were still struggling with. I chose to stay to work it out but he refuses to go to counseling which feels like the last option to get back to a healthy marriage.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Relax. There are steps you can take to help yourself and your son. There are some very qualified people who will hopefully be along soon to help.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Do a search for "armed services counselling services", there are things for family. Even if your H won't do this, it may help you in a difficult time and they may be able to point you to legal services or other resources.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I was in the US Army. As a dependent you should be eligible for legal assistance. I don't think the military will let him just abandon you. I don't mean they will force him to stay, but you should be able to get support. Check the link below to get some help. This is really ****ty of him. He should know he has a duty to his country AND his family. Don't let him walk all over you. 



Armed Forces Legal Assistance (AFLA)


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## Jessjess2309 (Jun 28, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I was in the US Army. As a dependent you should be eligible for legal assistance. I don't think the military will let him just abandon you. I don't mean they will force him to stay, but you should be able to get support. Check the link below to get some help. This is really ****ty of him. He should know he has a duty to his country AND his family. Don't let him walk all over you.
> 
> 
> 
> Armed Forces Legal Assistance (AFLA)


Thank you. I never thought I'd be in this situation. I don't know how divorce works being a military spouse with no job no money of my own. I don't want this.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

You can find out what your legal options are now(thanks to @BigDaddyNY ) and decide about a divorce later.

If you are having any depression issues, please seek counseling.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Nobody wAnts this. A few suggestions:
The pain associated with being dumped and forced to move on is terrible. It will likely take you a couple or few years to totally get over it.
You probably have severe urges to cry and plead with him to come back. You feel totally helpless. You’re not. And you’ll get over this guy. You will. Don’t try to get over the pain, just deal with it on a minute to minute basis.

See an attorney and get yourself financially secure, as well as a divorce. He’s a cheater.
And he’s said he doesn’t want you. 

you’re probably feeling terrible and your self esteem is shot. You think your life is over. It isn’t!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s the truth:
This happens to a huge percentage of men mans women and as painful as it is, you can find the strength to overcome it.
Consider seeing your doctor for some anti anxiety meds like Zoloft. I did. It helped. I stopped taking it after a couple of months. 
Be careful of possible side effects if you do.... I didn’t have any.

He can’t just abandon you, particularly him being a military guy.
Again, don’t beg or plead. It just empowers them and makes them see you as someone not good enough and they can do better.
See an attorney and file and be strong.
Good luck.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Jessjess2309 said:


> A few days ago my husband walked on me and our 5 month old son saying he doesn't think he wants to be married anymore. I'm absolutely shattered. I don't know what to do or where to go. He is in the Army and we are stationed on the other side of the country from any family. I have absolutely no friends here and am a stay at home mom right now. I have no one to talk to. I do not want this. My biggest dream was to be a stay at home mother. And I'm so grateful I am able to do so. I don't want a broken family. I don't want to be a single mother. He is taking away my biggest dream. Things he promised me things I've worked so hard for. I believe in marriage is a lifetime commitment and I would never remarry meaning I will never have anymore children. It's absolutely heartbreaking. If he decides to leave I will have nothing. The thought of this gives me massive anxiety attacks. I'm sorry so random. I just need people to talk to.


Sorry you’re here but it takes two for a marriage. If I were you I’d go online and check the phone bill. Most don’t just walk out for no reason. Good chance he has an other woman.


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

I would take my kid and go home to parents, if you can. At least temporarily until you get more information and feel stronger.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

I am very sorry to hear your story.

From what you have said in your post, I am sorry to say it looks like your marriage has no hope of recovery and I think the biggest step you can take now is to accept this and put your energy into protecting yourself and your little boy.

I think it is perfectly normal for you to be grieving and in denial. Next stages are likely to be anger and depression before moving on to a more positive stance of acceptance and moving on.

I would really urge you to follow advice from military or ex-military posters and seek professional help with your mental health/support as well as legal and financial issues.

The impression I have of you is that you are a good woman, a great mum and that, in the fullness of time, you will find the happiness you so richly deserve. These are dark days but they too will pass.


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