# Teen Pregnancy together for 10-Turning 30- Divorce or Stay?



## blisseskisses (Feb 19, 2012)

Background- Together for 10 yrs married for 5. After I got pregnant at 17, we decided to be together. We had another child when I was 23. We made it work, however rocky, and have beat most statistics. 

We moved to the states for his work and for awhile we were happy. He earns a great salary and is a good Dad and can be a good husband. 

I have been a SAHM off and on for the last 10 yrs and I can not work legally in the States. 

The problem is, I feel our relationship is toxic. No respect. No trust and I don't know if there is love or just dependence.

In short he blames me for all of our problems. He insists I have mental health issues.. He says I make him do things like snoop, throw cups, yell, push, pinch me hard enough to leave a bruise, and one time punched my thighs (not hard) because I was being "disrespectful". I believe I do have problems and maybe I do have mental issues that are undiagnosed since I sometimes feel crazy. 

He calls me a sl*t that loves to flirt. I am bubbly and social but I have never cheated. Although, I feel maybe I am too out there sending out the wrong vibes since I have had men ask for my number or on a date. I said NO and told him after each incident. He knows all my passwords and constantly checks my phone. 

I think I could improve and be an overall better wife and human but every time I say "You're right, I am the one to blame" and read books on how become a better more loving wife things improve but then disintegrate with name calling, innuendos that I am a loose woman etc. I believe he sees me as fundamentally flawed and needs to be "fixed"

I feel guilty to leave because a part of me feels like he is the reason I didn't face poverty at 17 and since then has provided an amazing life financially. I just don't want that to be the only reason I stay. It's not fair to him. 

I'm far from perfect, I also have name called and yelled and thrown things and have kicked him. It's a mess I know it but he doesn't think it's bad and I am looking for an excuse to get out. All very immature behavior that I am ashamed of. 

I no longer want to have sex. I hate it. I cry afterwards and I can't stand his touch. Which makes me feel guilty.

I have told him I don't believe what we have is love and I don't want our kids to think it is. 

I am going to IC to see what I need to do to improve my numerous short comings and move forward with integrity. Whether that means staying or leaving... I feel ashamed even writing this. I am just looking for your thoughts. Thanks


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How old are your kids? How difficult would it be for you to get legal to work in the States? Because you're likely not going to be able to take the kids from him. 

Nobody can tell you that you've done enough or whether you should stay or go. That's up to you. While you're deciding, you should work on yourself, for yourself and your kids. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blisseskisses (Feb 19, 2012)

PBear said:


> How old are your kids? How difficult would it be for you to get legal to work in the States? Because you're likely not going to be able to take the kids from him.
> 
> Nobody can tell you that you've done enough or whether you should stay or go. That's up to you. While you're deciding, you should work on yourself, for yourself and your kids.
> 
> ...


Kids are 10 and 6. I don't have the education to work legally here. I think we would move back to Canada, so there is an option.


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## bruce_lee_007 (Oct 29, 2014)

What is the underlying problem here? Based on your post, I do not see any reason to get out of a marriage. You are just unhappy? What has he done to cause that? The physical contact may be an issue. if he is seriously physically abusive, you should probably leave. it sounds like its a very immature behavior that is brought about by arguing. do you hit him?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Which "we" would be moving to Canada? You wouldn't necessarily be allowed to pick up and move them without his permission. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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