# Stress on our relationship.



## marriedman0183 (Feb 22, 2010)

My amazing wife and I have been together for 6 years now and everyday I love her more and more. The problem is our sex. I wouldn't actually say that it's a "serious" problem yet but, there could definitely be some improvements in the frequency and intensity of our sex recently. In the past, our sex has been hot, creative, intense, loving, passionate and always satisfying. However, over the past year or year and a half our love making has become routine and less frequent (still very physically satisfying). 

Long story short, her sex drive has basically vanished while I'm still ready to go all day every day. Some times we'll have sex 2-3 times a week while other times we'll go 1-2 months with out; regardless, I am always the one to initiate and its always in my hands (or mouth ) to get her in the mood.

We have an amazing relationship which allows us to talk honestly and openly to one another about everything, even if we know the other isn't going to like what they hear. We have talked about this a few times but haven't been able to find a solution yet, it's starting to put stress on our relationship.

I would appreciate all sincere comments, ideas and suggestions you can offer.

Thanks for reading


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## cliff (Jan 31, 2009)

Well, what were the proposed solutions to increase the frequency? 

Why does your wife feel she has lost her drive?


Is she willing to take care of your needs other ways (i.e. HJ's or BJ's)?


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## marriedman0183 (Feb 22, 2010)

Hey Cliff,
Some of the ideas I proposed were; showers, baths and Jacuzzi, massage, foot rub, movie/drinks or just grabbing her and [email protected] (she likes it sometimes). For the most part, it works. But the problem is that I always have to prepare and initiate the foreplay and oral etc, I get tired of trying so hard all the time. I mean sometimes it would be nice if she put the effort into pleasing or spoiling me sometimes.

she thinks it's a problem also, shes taking a prescription that may have an effect on her libido, but the medicine came a while after the problem had been established. She just doesn't feel good.

No, she doesn't take care of my needs. I could "go" 2-3 times a day, I obviously don't expect her to do it that much, but we've only done it twice in a two months.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

What perscription is she taking? So many have an impact on sexual desire. Sometimes the effects show up later in months down the road even. 

It sounds like you have excellent communication, a great start. 

Do you find she takes it "personally" when you bring up the fact you are doing all the initiating, and all the work in keeping you connected sexually? 

I initiate more than my husband (or I feel like I do) and I have felt like you at times, so I understand where you are coming from.

*Sounds like you have been OVERLY patient though!! *

You say she just doesn't feel good - What does she feel will help her "feel good", it is physically not feeling good or emotionally not feeling good ? 

If she would agree to commit herself to helping you feel more desired sexually, she could get some books to aid her, Here is a list on amazon to encourage her to try new things. Alot of these were written to read just a page a day to get new ideas, which makes it easier. 

Amazon.com: 365 days of sex: Books


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Read "mating in captivity" 

Ask yourself some questions. 
- How much time do you spend with her
- How much of that is you suggesting doing things vs how much is she asking to spend time with you
- How much do you let HER take the lead in saying I love you, in hugging, holding hands etc. 

The most common destructive outcome in long term relationships is that the woman gets the guy to the point where he clearly and obviously loves her more. The result of that is he is the one who is always pushing for a bit more time, affection and love from her. This is a HUGE turn off for a woman. It takes away any relationship challenge. 

Mating in captivity is about focusing more on other interests and LESS on your spouse. In a very real way this deprioritizes them - in a GOOD way. And when the pressure to constantly say yes to you outside bed goes away - in fact when they have to start chasing you - EXPLOSIVE passion levels. 

Voice of experience - I have been doing this for 20+ years with my wife.





marriedman0183 said:


> My amazing wife and I have been together for 6 years now and everyday I love her more and more. The problem is our sex. I wouldn't actually say that it's a "serious" problem yet but, there could definitely be some improvements in the frequency and intensity of our sex recently. In the past, our sex has been hot, creative, intense, loving, passionate and always satisfying. However, over the past year or year and a half our love making has become routine and less frequent (still very physically satisfying).
> 
> Long story short, her sex drive has basically vanished while I'm still ready to go all day every day. Some times we'll have sex 2-3 times a week while other times we'll go 1-2 months with out; regardless, I am always the one to initiate and its always in my hands (or mouth ) to get her in the mood.
> 
> ...


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