# Starting to do the Paperwork myself - any advice?



## growing10 (Oct 9, 2019)

I have read that some people were able to file themselves without an attorney. I have downloaded and paid for the paperwork from my County and started to complete everything. I have contacted a Divorce Consultant and she indicated that I seem to be on the right track as far as knowing what I'm entitled to and having all the documentation necessary to fill out the information (i.e. financial information). She agreed to review it all (for a fee of course) to see that I've completed it properly. 

Adult kids and married for over 25 years. I was a SAHM and currently don't work (didn't need to financially).

I realize I may need an attorney down the road so I haven't ruled it out. I have had bad experiences with them in the past (totally incompetent) so I'm hoping to ride this as far as I can without one. My H may or may not be willing to give me what I want, we'll see. We don't really know these things until the ball gets rolling. He does not want a divorce.

So I'm posting to see if anyone has done this on their own without too much of a hassle? Any pointers or tips you might be able to send my way? Thanks.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Depending on where you live, there could be many potholes in trying to navigate divorce without an attorney. If you have been a SAHM, then you definitely want to know your rights, and get what you are entitled to in the split. An attorney is the best way to make sure that happens.

I looked at the paperwork to do my own a few months ago. But I'm doing everything through an attorney to make sure there are no hiccups.

Keep in mind that even if you start the process on your own, your H's first step could be to consult a lawyer in response.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I did all the work myself by getting a dissolution package from the court house, I think it was $275. A 20 year marriage, two young teens, two businesses...etc, etc. I had a dozen folders of records when we went before the judge and it meant nothing. All the judge wanted to know is if we both agreed to all the terms outlined in the decree and that the kids were provided for. Ten minutes with a magistraite before court then ten minutes in front of the judge and it was done.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Same here. I had 23 years married and was able to file uncontested. Actually, the judge insisted (and they told me this when I filed) that all DIY divorces must be looked at by an atty. No problem. But my ex didn't care, and didn't participate. Good luck.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

If you are in the USA, look for books published by NOLO, as in nolo.com. I’ve not gone through with it, but what I’ve read in their books seems of good quality. If outside USA, maybe there is something similar.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If your H does not want a divorce, you are likely not going to be able to do this without help from an attorney. You need to know everything that you are entitled to, you do not want to walk away from this with any less than you have rights to. If your H responds by hiring his own attorney (and I pretty much guarantee he WILL) then find one for yourself and have it ordered in your settlement that HE pays your attorney fees, since you were trying to do this on your own and your hand was forced when he hired one. I hope for you that I am wrong and he decides to cooperate, but I find it unlikely.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It kind of depends on your state. My daughter is currently going through a D and tried filing herself. I begged her not to because it can be a problem in our state. I used to work for a family attorney who did a very cheap uncontested divorce and I asked her to please check them out instead of doing it herself.

She wanted to save the money and felt competent to file herself so she went forward with that.

Here we are 6 months later and her filing is held up in the courts and they are requesting things she doesn’t know how to do. So she finally gave in and asked for my attorneys number to try to salvage it for her.

However, they do have minor kids and that is different than your situation.

I still would find an attorney if I were you. I understand having bad experiences in the past, but things can get even worse without an attorney. It’s not worth wasting the time and effort and then having to hire one later.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

An uncontested divorce where the parties agree to the terms is usually very easy but things can get complicated quick if there isn't agreement. I represented myself but we agreed to the terms and had an attorney review the paperwork before I filed to make sure everything was covered. Some states make it easier to represent yourself than others so it all depends on the rules of your state.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

growing10 said:


> I have read that some people were able to file themselves without an attorney. I have downloaded and paid for the paperwork from my County and started to complete everything. I have contacted a Divorce Consultant and she indicated that I seem to be on the right track as far as knowing what I'm entitled to and having all the documentation necessary to fill out the information (i.e. financial information). She agreed to review it all (for a fee of course) to see that I've completed it properly.
> 
> Adult kids and married for over 25 years. I was a SAHM and currently don't work (didn't need to financially).
> 
> ...


There are book about how to file for divorce for every state. There some sold on amazon.com. Someone else gave you the idea of nolo.com. Take a bit of time to know what you are entitled to.

If your state a community property state or an equitable distribution state? This is important to know.

I did my own divorce in 2012.. it cast me a whole $134. But we both agreed so that was easy.

If you hit a roadblock because he will not agree, you can always ask for a mediator. You can try that before you go to an attorney.

Depending on how much community property you have and if you are entitled to alimony, you might want to at least pay an attorney are an hour or two to review the divorce that write up.

If you have basically no assets, or next to none, then there is nothing to fight over anyway.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

My advice is don’t do it yourself unless the divorce is very amicable and there’s little assets to argue over.

If you leave an opening, he could come back at you years later for something stupid, especially if he is in a relationship with someone pushing him to try to get something more from you.

Best to pay a little bit now and avoid potential unpleasantness later.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

You can do it yourself, with caution.

Be sure you have good information on what the law says are your rights and obligations. If there are any complications such as pre-marital assets, pensions, inheritances, businesses, etc, be extra careful. Don't give away the farm just to be done with him. Many of us felt at early points in the process we would happily walk away if it was easy, but you will regret it later if you don't get what you should in the settlement. Don't assume you know what is fair or what the law would say is yours.

The value of a lawyer is in their knowledge and expertise. When things get complex is when you need them for sure.

Use a mediator if he is willing to negotiate in good faith, but pull the plug on it if he isn't.

Don't sign any agreement with him without sleeping on it, unless he is giving away the farm to you! In that case be suspicious he is hiding something...

Be sure everything is finalized when the divorce is signed off. No lingering topics like a house to be sold in the future (such as when kids graduate college). Everything should be valued and done. It is normal for some processing to happen in the few months after the divorce is signed by the judge, such as having $ moved from one retirement account to the other person's retirement account, but the numbers are set in stone as part of the judge's decree. I highly discourage leaving anything open to future valuation etc.

Use a lawyer to do important documents such as the title to the house if one of you is keeping it. You want to be sure the legal documents have the right wording to prevent loopholes or future problems.

A divorce consultant is not the same as a lawyer. We did our divorce without lawyers arguing, but did consult to get info (your consultant may be ok for that purpose) and to do some documentation.

Think about things like life insurance beneficiary, medical power of attorney, will, trust, etc. Be all set up for those to change asap, before the divorce if it is legal where you live.


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