# Its almost like I was the one....



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I cannot fathom the level of carelessness, guiltlessness, the complete freedom from any sense of remorse or shame at all that I see. All these people Ive spent the last fifteen years with, have done nothing but support my cheating ex. They, despite knowing me [email protected] well, have decided to shun me, to disassociate with me completely, and continue to party like stars with her and her new life. I am abandoned by all those whom I once held such regard for as my friends.
They are planning a big party, on the day that I turn 40. Probably will raise their glasses and toast her to her new life, pat her new boyfriend on the back, welcoming him into their circle so effortlessly, when I earned their friendship by being a friend, they console her, and support her. She already has a date planned with some other man. I guess formally, I am not supposed to care anymore.

Its just how do they do it? How is it I am the one that feels like I caused some disaster? Why do "I" have to go thru this pain and fking torment??? There are no parties for me, no outreached hands of support or random calls coming in to check if I am okay.. apparently I am not supposed to be???
And they plan their parties, and plan their goings out, as if it were but a mere shower in May that passed overhead. I was lucky to retain a very few people who stood by me, who saw and chose to go by what they saw to base their considerations, but to lose so many others and to see them console HER, and cling to HER, and pat HER on her back as if it were a job well done. Here, weak and murdering woman, have bread to eat, and wine to drink, and a place to rest your tired head...

Lets not forget, that it is "I" who has to also lose so much time with my child, in this, and they support and stick by the woman who tore this all up. I just cant believe it, i cant believe how terrible this makes me feel.
It almost has me thinking that there WAS something wrong with me, and I just dont see it. I feel like an outcast. Like I would imagine I would have been treated if it were I who cheated and tore this family apart.. 
What injustice. What misery. To find that so many people I trusted without a doubt, and believed was there for me never really were.
Not only is what I held so preciously dear to me gone, in terms of my family, but the very people who stood right there beside us as we exchanged vows so long ago, are now strangers.

This is not fair,, it has left me to believe in so very little, to have so little to hold onto. I cant beleve how far extending this humiliation is. It makes me think that the ex has been telling everyone something terrible about me, and I have no means to defend myself. If it were but only a few people, I could understand, but so many, so many just see her murder and give her immediate shelter. I feel so betrayed by them all.
As they laugh together on the phone, there appears to be no clouds in their sky, none like the ones that present every day to me. There appears to be no elephant in the room, as if they have simply all washed their hands and happily toast another round. Ha ha, the joke is on me? 
The psychological effects of this just wont go away, and I see her laugh during my misery, during the thought of what life will be like for me soon, how can she be so happy???
That is like salt for the wound. Complete and utter detatchment from something so harsh and unrelenting.
There is very little solace in trying to "live well" despite this all. I dont mean to bring anyone down, but daaaaaamn, how I would like to have words with about twenty people right now...
I thought I was done with the losses. I thought I had finally seen the extents of the damages, and knew where to begin rebuilding... there are so many angles to this that pile one on top of the other that i just need it to stop! 
I cant bear to hear another one of these people laugh so loudly, especially my ex, or her mother. How can they find any breath within themselves at all to do so?? Have I truly spent the last fifteen years surrounding myself with such horrible people?
Fkin heartless animals...

Its hard not to let this further reflect inside me onto me, thinking to myself, second guessing what ever it was that led to this all.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I know it sucks - but at some point the harsh reality is that life truly isn't fair. I've given up on "justice" - hoping to just get out alive.

Is the party she's throwing in "honor" of your B-day? Is it possible that some people don't quite know what she's doing - and think its just a big get-together?

And of course, who needs friends like that. Time to make some better ones.

Sorry - your situation really is rough - but I think you are heading in the right direction and doing the right things. Really hope you'll get there with some time.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Sorry to hear about your hurt...I can somewhat relate but not with so many people just a few...It flat out sucks !!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Shoo, like me you are a "nice guy". I've been reading the no more mr nice guy by Glover that has popped up frequently on here, and have realized that us nice guys hide our faults, and so we don't give people the "rough edges" to stick to (ie we're like teflon) and so its hard to keep those connections. Obviously your old friends have attached themselves onto your ex life burned egg on rusty iron. I too have friends that are ok with my ex, in fact they all (friends and my ex) invited me to a bday party this weekend and had a hard time allowing me to decline (for what should be obvious reasons). Find yourselves some new friends and let them see your faults as well as your qualities.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

This happened to me too. All the shared friends went with her. I really have about 3 friends it appears. But you know what. Those three friends are real friends. They were strong enough to ask the right questions and helped me pull though to where I am now.

In the last week or two people who had vanished to the "other side" have started asking me questions. People don't like being lied to, and that is exactly what she was doing to them.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Oh I know how you feel. 13 years I have spent with by STBXH's family and friends. I've been there for christmases, thanksgivings, easters, births of children, baby showers, weddings, deaths, illnesses, cancers. I've always been there for them.

Since we separated 2 mths ago I have not heard from a single one of the STBXH's family. My STBXH told them about our separation within a week of it happening.

They have planned thanksgiving - no invite extended to me. CHristmas will be the same no doubt.

My family lives in another country so I will spend these days alone.

How sad this makes me. Our child will be affected by this weird behaviour. She is asing "why aren't you coming to thanksgiving mommy" and "how come uncle ..... and aunt ....... doesn't call us anymore".

13 years of a family.... GONE in an instant. Feels "great" to be so alone.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Some people are just plain cruel I think. I am going through the whole process as well. I have never asked any of our mutual friends to take sides or to judge my ex cheating husband. All I did was tell the truth backed up proof. Yet in the past year that we have been divorced some of them have not even picked up the phone to even say: Hey how are you doing? Mean while i have not started treating these friends differently(maybe I should?). I still send Xmas card, birthday cards for their kids, I have tried to subtly suggest that we get together without sounding like I am a push over.

I must say that I went through the disappointment of what my ex husband turned out to be but I think it's even a bigger disappointment what some so called "friends" turned out to be. That facebook list really needs to get some clean up.

Now in my case my ex decided to stay in the US where he basically has none of the friends he has known over the years. They are all new friends that barely know me. He forged these friendships while I was pregnant and at home the first year with the child. He met people either through work(I was not allowed to work in the US) or through tennis. HE even tried to accuse me of not trying harder to make friends........


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