# A wolf in sheep’s clothing



## fall guy (Nov 9, 2012)

Just a little venting going on here.

Our marriage was a rocky start, but I failed to see (or ignored) the signs in the beginning. She didn’t want to work, had money problems, and she slept a lot….and I mean A LOT. She had some anger issues, but nothing I thought was too out of control. 

But then she got arrested for shoplifting about 3 or 4 years into our marriage while she had our son with her. She denied the shoplifting and I wrote it off as some kind of misunderstanding. She was never charged with a crime. I was a little distraught by this, but got over it.

Then came the second half of our 16 year marriage……….

First, she gets arrested again for shoplifting. Again, she has our kids with her. Again, she denies it. Again, she doesn’t get charged. She says it was some kind of mistake. I go see a counselor and talk to her about it. Eventually the wife gets together with her and they decide it really was some kind of mistake.

Okay…well I don’t know what to say now. It seems odd, but maybe it’s possible.

Then about a year later…BOOM. She gets arrested again. Again, she has the kids and again, she denies everything. And yet again, she doesn’t get charged. Okay, now I’m NOT happy. I force her to go see a counselor, which is short-lived. She’s furious that I could even think that she has a problem.

Then later that year, she gets fired from her nursing job. But she tells me she doesn’t know why.

Then about a year later, a police officer knocks on the door. Turns out her and another friend keyed a car.

Then the next year she gets fired again from your nursing job. This time it’s for stealing painkillers. Again, she denies everything, but she’s forced into a program for nurses who abuse drugs and alcohol. 

She doesn’t work for the next two years....in fact she REFUSES to even though I disagree. She spends her time alternating between taking naps and sitting in the hottub. She does cook most of the time and do laundry, but the house doesn’t get clean and NO yard work is done.

Then last year I find out she has been sexting a man she met in a bar…1200+ times in three weeks. Again, she denies anything going on between them. According to her, it was just “conversation.” But after three months of marriage counseling and denying everything, I break into her iTunes backup and retrieve about 50 messages. Turns out she was aggressively trying to meet a married man for a sexual rendezvous! Whether or not it happened remains debatable. This is while she is unemployed, suspended from nursing and while I was at work supporting her and our family!

Again, she takes responsibility for NOTHING. She says everything is a misunderstanding. All she does is blames, denies, justifies and lies about everything! Our counselor is so distraught by her that he ends our counseling altogether, he tells me “It’s not working.”

Okay…I’m really unhappy at this point. I ask for a divorce two months ago. I go on the roller coaster all the emotions and I start second-guessing myself…feeling guilty. Maybe she is really innocent of everything. Maybe I am the heartless bastard she says I am.

I go to our marriage counselor about a month ago and he tells me basically that she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. If I stay in this relationship, he’ll continue to be our counselor, but the same bizarre behavior and manipulation will continue regardless. What a wake-up call. 

Then last weekend, I notice two really nice pullover jackets in her closet with price tags still on them. I take them back to the store and reaffirm the fact they were stolen merchandise. 

I ask her about it and she literally tears me apart!! “I can’t believe you would think that!! What is wrong with you!?!” She wakes me up at 1:00 in the morning cursing at me telling me that I’m a [email protected]#cking a-hole and that she can’t live like this anymore. 

I let her continue on her rampage, but the next day I tell her I know the truth..I took the stolen goods back. Again, she had our son with her.

I can’t do this anymore…we’re divorcing. She kinda sorta admits taking the jackets but still denies the other shoplifting arrests! HOLY COW! REALLY!

I’ve had her see therapists and she convinces each and every one that these are all just coincidental occurrences, but the truth is that she’s a wreck. She’s written 40 bad checks in the past two years alone, and she just got fired again from her nursing job a few weeks ago…3rd time in as many jobs. 

Holy crap I feel stupid. Just wanted to step in here and vent a little bit. Sorry.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Holy sh!t! Wow! You got a reason to vent. I feel your pain. My wife is addicted to pain killers. So sorry for your loss. Read the book Codependency No More.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

You couldnt make this stuff up.

Sorry you're here with us but welcome. Vent away fella.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

That's a long time to try to fix someone else.



fall guy said:


> Just a little venting going on here.
> 
> Our marriage was a rocky start, but I failed to see (or ignored) the signs in the beginning. She didn’t want to work, had money problems, and she slept a lot….and I mean A LOT. She had some anger issues, but nothing I thought was too out of control.
> 
> ...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Psychopathy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## 54189 (Feb 28, 2013)

Wow man. I thought my old lady had issues.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

So sorry. You have every right to vent. She needs help and you need to worry about you and your kids


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

I'm sorry you are going through this. 16 years is a long time to self doubt, but now you know the truth and she knows you know the truth. Come here and vent if you need to. We are all on a rough journey. We can empathize in some way with you.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Your son has to be at least 12? Take the kid, ditch the sociopath. If you're completely honest with yourself, she's been an untrustworthy, dishonest, marginally performing, hostile, responsibility-avoiding, drug stealing, shoplifting, CNN report waiting to happen for the majority of your 16 years. Character is formed by age 5 and she apparently didn't receive the basics. In the kindest of possible lights, she has a massive screw loose.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

This woman seems beyond broken.

I wish you well FG



love and peace


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## fall guy (Nov 9, 2012)

GutPunch said:


> Read the book Codependency No More.


Thanks for the advice. I think I'll check this out.


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## fall guy (Nov 9, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> Psychopathy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Wow. You're right on the money here. Thanks for responding.


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## fall guy (Nov 9, 2012)

BFGuru said:


> I'm sorry you are going through this. 16 years is a long time to self doubt, but now you know the truth and she knows you know the truth. Come here and vent if you need to. We are all on a rough journey. We can empathize in some way with you.


Thanks for the support. It's been a long 16 years full of manipulative behavior. If this relationship was reversed and I was the wife, she the husband, I think people would call it emotional abuse. But being the big tuff guy I am, we've just swept it under the rug and mostly wrote it off as strange occurrences. Thanks again.


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## fall guy (Nov 9, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Your son has to be at least 12? Take the kid, ditch the sociopath. If you're completely honest with yourself, she's been an untrustworthy, dishonest, marginally performing, hostile, responsibility-avoiding, drug stealing, shoplifting, CNN report waiting to happen for the majority of your 16 years. Character is formed by age 5 and she apparently didn't receive the basics. In the kindest of possible lights, she has a massive screw loose.


Three kids actually. Thanks for the support.


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## fall guy (Nov 9, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> This woman seems beyond broken.
> 
> I wish you well FG
> 
> ...



Thanks, I agree.


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