# I want R, husband can't face me



## Chopsy

my husband left me two months ago, gave me the ILYBINILWY. Discovered he was cheating. He is self employed and his business has ton down the drain. He went to Ireland for work and it didn't work out and he stuck his head in th sand and startd drinking heavily. He met the OW in a bar. She drinks too. My H is having a breakdown, he is a mess. He is very remorseful. He is still in Ireland and is coming back to England next week to look for work. I asked if I would see him and he said he wasn't sure. He said he feels we are done because of what he's done. 

I am going through all the usual emotions but I still love him and want to reconcile. At this point he can't face me. I've sent a couple texts/emails saying what I think. I know he probably needs time to figure out what he wants. 

I will leave him alone now and hope he contacts me soon. I just want to know when he will face up to it and see me but that's not in my control. 

Any advice/suggestions?


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## Dewayne76

I sure don't (edited, fixed DON'T) Chopsy, i'm sorry. I know a little about your story. 

Maybe give some more time, be patient. One thing you don't want is to over-react. Whether it being desperate, angry or w/e. BE CALM!

See how he feels when he comes home finally.


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## This is me

Read Divorce Busters or Divorce Remedy. DR became my Bible for the months she was gone. Like D76 said be patient. That became my mantra and learned from the book.

I think many of the infidelities are triggered by the MLC. I guess some could just be cheating to cheat, but I think if the person is completely different from the one you married, they are possed by the fog. It will someday rise and if you mitigate the damage, there is a greater chance to resolve and reconcile.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Wishing you well!


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## Bobby5000

If you are willing to forgive him and try to reconstruct your life together, tell him that. Tell him you are willing to work together to address your problems. Obviously he will have to get rid of the other woman, and start trying to put his life together. Explain to him he has that chance now and you are willing to work with him, but can make no guarantees for the future and you can only have so much patience.


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## Chopsy

Dewayne76 said:


> I sure don't (edited, fixed DON'T) Chopsy, i'm sorry. I know a little about your story.
> 
> Maybe give some more time, be patient. One thing you don't want is to over-react. Whether it being desperate, angry or w/e. BE CALM!
> 
> See how he feels when he comes home finally.


Thanks Dewayne, very good advice!


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## Chopsy

This is me said:


> Read Divorce Busters or Divorce Remedy. DR became my Bible for the months she was gone. Like D76 said be patient. That became my mantra and learned from the book.
> 
> I think many of the infidelities are triggered by the MLC. I guess some could just be cheating to cheat, but I think if the person is completely different from the one you married, they are possed by the fog. It will someday rise and if you mitigate the damage, there is a greater chance to resolve and reconcile.
> 
> Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
> 
> Wishing you well!


Thanks for your advice. My DR just arrived today! And yes I am learning patience but oh it's hard! Just trying to keep busy now. My H didn't even sound the same on the phone and said he felt like such a dirtbag. I know he's never cheated before. I recognise he's in a bad place and needs to find himself again. I am hopeful that in time he will want to reconcile. I'm just chilling and getting on with stuff for now, it's good to be busy!


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## Dewayne76

Good. Keep busy. It helps soooo much. 

Stay away from particular movies, triggers and songs. 

I don't believe in destiny or "if it's meant to be.." bs. You have to work on things.. ANYTHING you want in life. 

Hopefully things will get better for you. 

Keeping you, and everyone else in thoughts and prayers. (Yes, learning to get my faith back. )


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## This is me

Chopsy said:


> Thanks for your advice. My DR just arrived today! And yes I am learning patience but oh it's hard! Just trying to keep busy now. My H didn't even sound the same on the phone and said he felt like such a dirtbag. I know he's never cheated before. I recognise he's in a bad place and needs to find himself again. I am hopeful that in time he will want to reconcile. I'm just chilling and getting on with stuff for now, it's good to be busy!


I will never forget how hard it was. It was last year at this time and the short cold lonely days, coupled with all the holiday stuff made it very trying times, but I made it through. I found the 180 very helpful in setting bounderies, I treated myself everyday to a Starbucks or something I usually would not, and leaned on family and friends for support. They must have thought I was nuts, but it helped.

We are in a good place again and I wish you the same in the coming year!


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## Chopsy

Dewayne76 said:


> Good. Keep busy. It helps soooo much.
> 
> Stay away from particular movies, triggers and songs.
> 
> I don't believe in destiny or "if it's meant to be.." bs. You have to work on things.. ANYTHING you want in life.
> 
> Hopefully things will get better for you.
> 
> Keeping you, and everyone else in thoughts and prayers. (Yes, learning to get my faith back. )


Thanks Dewayne, keeping busy is soo healing. I'm organising my whole house! Have plans to rearrange things, start doing creative things, redoing some old furniture, lots of yard work yet to do as well. 

I appreciate your thoughts and prayers, and happy you're finding your faith! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers too. xo


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## Chopsy

This is me said:


> I will never forget how hard it was. It was last year at this time and the short cold lonely days, coupled with all the holiday stuff made it very trying times, but I made it through. I found the 180 very helpful in setting bounderies, I treated myself everyday to a Starbucks or something I usually would not, and leaned on family and friends for support. They must have thought I was nuts, but it helped.
> 
> We are in a good place again and I wish you the same in the coming year!


Many thanks for your message. It is hard at this time of year but I am not facing it everyday as don't go out much and live alone in the country. I also have stopped watching telly which helps! I hate the short days and am so looking forward to the solstice, which I am celebrating. Cannot wait for longer days! I am healing, a little every day. I am so grateful for everything and everyone in my life. I am writing in a journal, reading lots, writing scraps of poems. Friends and family have been amazing but it's tough now as everyone is so busy. I do feel a bit lonely and isolated at times but I also feel I am forging a new stronger self through this. I'm definitely not the person I was two months ago. The rollercoaster has eased a bit too! 

I appreciate your support, and am glad to hear you're in a good place now. I hope to be there one day myself,with or without my H. xo


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## Chuck71

this is me-refreshing story! is it posted on tam?


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## This is me

Chuck71 said:


> this is me-refreshing story! is it posted on tam?


Yes. Although I had started a few threads over he past year and a half. I think the most positive when this started to tuen for the better is in this area titled...Shes moving home.


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## Chopsy

So happy for you This!


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