# Are You Really "Best Friends"?



## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Historically, men and women did not do a lot of extra-curricular (so to speak) things together. Even up until recent times, there were men-only clubs where men would get together with their brandy and cigars to talk without their wives present. Prior to that, women were often excluded from a lot of activities than men would do together. Even the Olympics were men-only competitions. Women had their own social circles and would get together to talk and do—you know, woman stuff. 

These days, there is a lot of talk about people marrying their best friends, but I’m wondering how much of this truly translates to doing hobby-type stuff together a lot of the time. In my experience, it is actually rare for couples to spend a lot of time together outside of activities that by definition are family based—drama presentations at school or church, birthday parties, etc. 

So, the question I have for my fellow TAMers, especially the guys, is this: How much of your social, sporting, or hobby time is spent with your significant other? Also, has this changed over the years?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

None, just kids sports and that's rare because we are usually taking 2 of the 3 to different events

My wife doesn't do anything fun, she has zero hobbies or interests. I wish she did and have encouraged her to do so but she is more of a task master type. Boring


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would consider my SO of three years my best friend. I have a few other people in my life that I'm kinda close to, but nothing like I am with her. We enjoy a number of the same hobbies and activities, although we also have our own individual passions as well. There's no conflict there. 

With my STBX, it was just the kids. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

awesome topic!  

Lady here if it's ok that I weigh in on this one...

Dh and I definitely answer that we're best friends. We do every thing together He's teaching me how to play soccer and golf.I'm teaching him how to be a nerdy gamer  We're both so laid back about what to do and when that we just mesh really well as best friends.
If one has a separate interest,the other does what they can to learn about it and get involved. It's really nice actually.I've never had that before.
I think it works for us because as single people we weren't very social by choice.Most activities we did were done alone. Maybe if one or the other had been very big into friendships things would be different for us as a couple. It has changed over the years bc we've gotten closer and feel safer depending on each other for things.Going from being a solitary person to having someone there with you for every moment is a big change


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

We spend most of our free time together and share lots of hobbies. We also have hobbies that we do not share, so it is some of each.

We spend separate time with our friends, but far more time together.

Hobbies we enjoy together are racquet sports, travel (the planning part is really the hobby! we spend far too much time at it), bird watching, home remodeling/design, collecting/shopping (we have a few things we look for), dining (our city has tons of excellent restaurants and we eat out a lot), etc.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

We share some hobbies, but some are just hers and some are just mine. I think that's a healthy mix. 

I didn't answer your poll because I didn't see an option there that fit.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Yes, we are best friends.

We do anything and everything together (with our children as well, and without) and enjoy doing so greatly.

Almost 20 years of marriage and I still look forward to going home and just being with my wife (regardless what we decide to do). Just being there with her makes me happy.

I also have few things I enjoy doing on my own.

As for man hanging out with man and all that crap. Truth be told, I find most man to be extremely selfish, childish and stupid. Those that are not, usually have their life figured out and have no time for childish play/waste of time (there is plenty of great man out there as well, sorry if word "most" was a bit over the top).

I also don't like/appreciate how man think of/disrespect woman (behind their backs of course). It it extremely offensive to me, especially since I know that "so called friend" will dedicate every ounce of energy and time (during which they will ignore their "friends") to get between said ladies legs etc.

I simply don't enjoy spending time with males unless we are playing sport or maybe watching the game etc.

Anyways, being with my wife is like a breath of fresh air...


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

While we do spend most of our free time together having fun, I wouldn't at all say that makes us "best friends".


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

DoF said:


> Yes, we are best friends.
> 
> We do anything and everything together (with our children as well, and without) and enjoy doing so greatly.
> 
> ...


Hear hear!

Men like that who I know are friends of friends of friends, nobody I would invite to my house or life. 

I left high school in the 1970s and have zero desire to return.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DoF said:


> As for man hanging out with man and all that crap. Truth be told, I find most man to be extremely selfish, childish and stupid. Those that are not, usually have their life figured out and have no time for childish play/waste of time (there is plenty of great man out there as well, sorry if word "most" was a bit over the top).
> 
> 
> I simply don't enjoy spending time with males unless we are playing sport or maybe watching the game etc.
> ...


My husband has a similar view. He'll go once in a while to golf w/the guys he has known since high school but is always happier when I join in. He always tries to convince me to stay awake if those guys come over late to play cards and stuff "It's more fun when you're playing too!" lol so sweet


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I have always considered my husband to be my best friend. 

We enjoy doing things together and typically prefer to be with each other over hanging out with others. We love going hiking, traveling/exploring new cities, playing sports, watching the same tv shows/movies, playing video games, taking our son to the park, going swimming, and so on.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Important topic.... Can't way in on the marriage thing since divorced but when I was yes we were most certainly best friends and did most everything together.

As I have navigated the dating scene for the second time in my life I really appreciate how important being best friends in a relationship. In my youth I would, like many men, go for the hottest girl I could find. Didn't matter if we had zero in common or if she didn't have two brain cells to rub together. She was hot I was good.

Now older and realizing that everyone gets old and wrinkly I don't put much into that. Sure they need to be attractive to me but much more interested in activities we are both interested in.

My GF and I both love the same books, movies, hiking, skiing, camping, football, beer and micro brews, and the list goes on. This is what is more important to me now in life. And couldn't be happier


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

doubletrouble said:


> Hear hear!
> 
> Men like that who I know are friends of friends of friends, nobody I would invite to my house or life.
> 
> I left high school in the 1970s and have zero desire to return.


x2

But fact remains, many never grow up and mature aka remain in that phase.

:scratchhead:


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Yes. We both like being with each other and do spend the majority of the time together.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Something my mother taught me about relationship is you should always be friends first because lover do things to each other that friends would never do.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

For 20 years or so, my wife was my best friend. We spent all of our free time together without developing any new friends...

We are both getting out here lately meeting new people, men and women both...

Even with a lack of sex, I still enjoy the friendship/companionship that I have with my wife. I wouldn't want to lose that....


I don't know how it would be without our daughter...We do lots of family things.

If I were to hang out with the guys, I'd have to catch up on football... Haven't watched it in many years because my wife doesn't like to watch it...I have to be careful when I wear a football T-shirt... I have several... I just have to catch up on the team of the shirt I wear...I have to know that they won 30 straight games...and know who they play next...

I am very active and like to be outdoors. My wife likes the A.C. I wish she would exercise with me... Maybe shoot hoops, go jogging, biking, go on hikes... She would rather stay home... She does have women she talks to... Usually just the mothers of our daughters friend's.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

H is absolutely my best friend, we actually started out as friends before dating. We're both athletic so we do a lot of sport related activities together. Most of our dating pre-marriage was some sort of athletic activity like skiing or hiking. 

H does travel frequently so that is when I get my time to do girly things, like dancing. H is never going to watch or participate in ballet. I am never going to kill animals with him either. We aren't joined at the hip.

H is always the first person I want to share things with, the person who comforts me the most, the person I most look forward to seeing everyday.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

DoF said:


> As for man hanging out with man and all that crap. Truth be told, I find most man to be extremely selfish, childish and stupid. Those that are not, usually have their life figured out and have no time for childish play/waste of time (there is plenty of great man out there as well, sorry if word "most" was a bit over the top).
> 
> I also don't like/appreciate how man think of/disrespect woman (behind their backs of course). It it extremely offensive to me, especially since I know that "so called friend" will dedicate every ounce of energy and time (during which they will ignore their "friends") to get between said ladies legs etc.


Boy, you need to find different men to hang out with. That's a sad state of affairs. Or perhaps it's more a question of your perspective? Then again, you are a tradesman, right? I was for a few years, after high school, too, and the sort of attitude you describe is quite common. Tradies can be pretty crude.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Thanks for the replies so far. 

I have been thinking about this a bit lately, for a couple of reasons. From where I sit, most married couples do not tend to enjoy a lot of hobby-type activities together, other than family outings and the like. 

It’s kind of odd, since when people date they often look for common interests. In fact, dating sites base whole relationships on such things. Yet in the majority of marriages I have seen, this slows right down a few years into the relationship. Most of the time, it’s the women who stop wanting to get out with their husbands and do stuff, for whatever reason, which is why I posted here, rather than in the general relationship area. I don't say that to blame anyone, by the way. I'm just seeking to understand what I see and to find out if others have different experiences to mine.

So, that got me thinking that perhaps it’s not always a bad thing, since, after all, men traditionally did their own thing outside of the house most of the time. There’s also that study that showed that men did much better when hanging out with other men during the week. Plus, I’ve seen research that suggests that when men discuss their problems with their wives, their wives get nervous (I’m obviously paraphrasing). 

Although, statistical speaking, it seems to be that men do better when their wives are not literally their best friends, I don’t believe that this is ideal. I think it is a lot rarer, but there is a much closer relationship when men and women are best friends. 

It’s fostering that kind of closeness that seems to elude most couples. It’s been on my mind lately.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

@MSP. How would you know that it is mostly women who stop doing things with their husbands? I've never noticed a trend either way.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Giro flee said:


> @MSP. How would you know that it is mostly women who stop doing things with their husbands? I've never noticed a trend either way.


Like I said, that's been my personal observation. That's why I started the thread--to see if it was common outside of my own observations. 

Gotta ask questions to learn.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Oddly, in my marriage, the less she's my buddy the more she's my wife.


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

We spend all of our free time together. My wife is my best friend, lover and everything else wrapped up in one. Neither of us is involved in activities that does not include the other.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

johnAdams said:


> *We spend all of our free time together. My wife is my best friend, lover and everything else wrapped up in one. Neither of us is involved in activities that does not include the other*.


This pretty much sums how we are ...and it's what we've always enjoyed.. 

When we met, both his friends and mine took a hit, my GF's used to get  at me cause I just wanted to hang with my Bf... I would always say...."Can ____ come too?".... not much has changed over the years....he shops with me... when he works on the car.. many times I am out there helping him... the things we enjoy most is...Family... the simple things in life...

Watching movies together, taking country walks, picking berries in the back yard (we probably sound like "the Waltons" or something!)...

We like to throw Large Bonfire parties at our house, do a movie under the stars....we do this for our teens & their friends, but we invite our friends too...lots of social interaction on those nights.. but we treasure our alone time too... 

When I was leafing through a large binder of sample Wedding Invitations for our Big Day... I stopped when I came to this one....it was so US...



My H says he gets enough "male bonding" at work...never one who cared to hang out with the guys after work / at the bar... he was never into Sports either....just an all around Family guy.. 

A typical day for him would be...comes home from work, grabs a beer..and we'll go sit on the swing together out in the Gazebo and just shoot the breeze...kids coming in & out , playing in the yard...and we're looking on..that's living to us.. simple as it may sound.. and of course their activities keep us "on the go"..

He's probably had more guy friends over our house -to work on a vehicle together over anything else...or go to theirs...when one needs a hand with something...but that's good, it keeps them in touch!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I made the mistake of treating my exH as if he were one of my (girl) friends. I wanted to talk about anything that got stuck in my head; to the most minute detail........ I now understand, men and women are different.

I treat my fiance as if he were my husband. If I want to have a good b!tch and moan session, I call one of my gfs. I've learned to keep the mystery and to turn our time together into one of a peaceful and soothing experience.

I will never again think that my husband is my best friend.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Weird question in a way!! My wife is definitely my best friends it's not even close together for over 15 years, but we don't share hobbies.

I do spend most of my free time with her though.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

NextTimeAround said:


> I made the mistake of treating my exH as if he were one of my (girl) friends. I wanted to talk about anything that got stuck in my head; to the most minute detail........ I now understand, men and women are different.
> 
> I treat my fiance as if he were my husband. If I want to have a good b!tch and moan session, I call one of my gfs. I've learned to keep the mystery and to turn our time together into one of a peaceful and soothing experience.
> 
> I will never again think that my husband is my best friend.


:smthumbup:, mine needs to realize this as well


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## WallaceBea (Apr 7, 2014)

Absolutely. We were just talking about this today, actually. We have so much fun together when we hang out. We also have a few hobbies we like to enjoy on our own as well though.


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## ericthesane (May 10, 2013)

I spend most of my free time pursuing interests and hobbies without my wife. 

This is partly a result of a 180, partly as a result of my wife having interests that are not easily shared (reading, movies), and because I do not feel she is my best friend.

A good marriage is where the two people involved are best friends, closest confidantes and lovers....


Thing is though, that it is very difficult to be two of them, if not all three are found in the same person. Since she is not my lover, I do not want to confide in her... because I cannot confide in her, the friendship also suffers.

You know that old Meatloaf song ' 2 out of 3 ain't bad'.... well, actually, it is.....

Yesterday, for the first time in my life (I did not grow up in the US so it was not part of childhood), I went with a meetup group for a co-ed, low competitive game of softball... sun was shining, people were nice, it was a good, even though not intensive workout, and a beer and socializing afterwards.

My wife has no interest in these things.... I found it a great experience.....

I ticked off on the 2nd choice...


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

There is very little we do apart from one another except for the months of February-April. My DW works for an accounting firm so I will do some things without her during tax time because she works so many hours. Other than that, we sing together in a community chorus, take drives, go antiquing, go shopping, etc. together. Our days off are always spent doing something together even if it is just housework or working in the yard.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> [A whole lot of stuff.]


SA, I think you have the best marriage on all of TAM. Honestly, as much as I do not like to feel it, I sometimes get jealous. Although, a more frequent emotion is admiration. 

It's kinda like, "I love your marriage . . . dammit". 



NextTimeAround said:


> I will never again think that my husband is my best friend.


And then we have this perspective. But perhaps it's not as different as it seems. I don't think SA treats her husband as one of the girls, even though she's very close to him. Traditional roles seem to reinforce that closeness, rather than widen the gap. 



ericthesane said:


> I spend most of my free time pursuing interests and hobbies without my wife.
> 
> This is partly a result of a 180, partly as a result of my wife having interests that are not easily shared (reading, movies), and because I do not feel she is my best friend.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry you're in this situation. It sucks. I get it. Be wary of getting too close to women at those events. :/

And, as I hinted at above, I'm not too sure about how good it is for a man to make his wife his confidante. I think this is something that tends to backfire and a reason why men need to have close male friends. I think just about everything else you wrote is good about a wife--the need for a lover and friend--but I have changed my opinion on the confidante aspect. I do not think it works, unless your relationship is already fairly healthy and you never confide your fears unless you have a clear solution to them to relate at the same time.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MSP said:


> SA, I think you have the best marriage on all of TAM. Honestly, as much as I do not like to feel it, I sometimes get jealous. Although, a more frequent emotion is admiration.
> 
> It's kinda like, "I love your marriage . . . dammit". .


That is sweet. SA, you are indeed a kind, stable presence on TAM.


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## ericthesane (May 10, 2013)

MSP said:


> And, as I hinted at above, I'm not too sure about how good it is for a man to make his wife his confidante. I think this is something that tends to backfire and a reason why men need to have close male friends. I think just about everything else you wrote is good about a wife--the need for a lover and friend--but I have changed my opinion on the confidante aspect. I do not think it works, unless your relationship is already fairly healthy and you never confide your fears unless you have a clear solution to them to relate at the same time.


If a spouse is your only confidante, I agree fully. Every man should have other males to confide in, and, just as important, be the kind of man that other men can confide in.

Yes, if a man has a big problem, that you do not have a solution for, or some sort of strategy as to how to handle, is a no-no for many (but certainly not all) women. It would however be so great to be able to share fears and dreams and wants and be a bit emotionally naked now and then; be able to 'be me' and not be afraid of it.... that is what confidantes are for.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm in a 4-year relationship, so don't really consider it "new"; I wanted to select the 5-year+ category but voted honestly (thus "new.")

My SO and I truly ARE best friends. We thoroughly enjoy each other's company. We do almost everything together. We still each have our own friends, and we do things with our kids, sometimes separately (today I'm meeting my college age son while SO is at work) but neither of us is big on guys' night out or girls' night out.

Been there, done that. I don't WANT to be in a relationship where I prefer to spend evenings with my girlfriends, nor does he prefer to be out with the guys.

We have lots of shared interests... riding our Harley, being with our dogs, shooting guns, archery, gardening and yard work, hiking, going to movies. I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be than together, and there is no one else I would prefer to do any of it with.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> I'm in a 4-year relationship, so don't really consider it "new"; I wanted to select the 5-year+ category but voted honestly (thus "new.")
> 
> My SO and I truly ARE best friends. We thoroughly enjoy each other's company. We do almost everything together. We still each have our own friends, and we do things with our kids, sometimes separately (today I'm meeting my college age son while SO is at work) but neither of us is big on guys' night out or girls' night out.
> 
> ...


This mirrors my life and relationship. I love it, she loves, the kids love it...she's my best friend and I'm her's.


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## Orochi (Apr 28, 2014)

My brother planned a camping trip with a couple of his close friends. They specifically excluded me on the invitation list because they wanted it to be "guys only." :rofl:


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

ericthesane said:


> It would however be so great to be able to share fears and dreams and wants and be a bit emotionally naked now and then; be able to 'be me' and not be afraid of it.... that is what confidantes are for.


All things in balance, perhaps? I think that it's possible to do this, but very rarely, and preferably when she is feeling good and not already stressed.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I also voted that I spend my free time with H. He's my best friend, and I enjoy his company more than anyone elses. We also share a lot of interests/hobbies.

Now the kids are mid teens and older we have all this spare time to...date/play and we're making the most of it!

But I also have other friends for getting my girlie chat fix and for get togethers and he has his mates to.... watch rugby with, chest bump and talk rubbish too


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I've never called my husband my "best friend" because he's my husband, so he's more than a best friend. 

Also, I think it's corny when people do that, (running for cover....)

To be honest, my husband and I don't really have the same hobbies and we don't spend a lot of free time together. We do enjoy spending time on our boat out on the lake. Thats about it. I have no idea what we are going to do when we have empty nest. I'll probably have to take up golf again so we can play together. 

This is an issue that I have brought up with him in the past. "We're going to be two people living together but leading different lives. Is that what you want?" He talks about doing more together but it doesn't happen. I'm sure I'll have to be the one to figure it all out.


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## wanttofix (Jun 4, 2013)

Would working be considered a hobby?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Before she was my girlfriend then wife, she was my best friend.

But now? No. I am not one of my wife's girlfriends and she's not one of my boys.

Friendship is a vital part of our relationship. It's but one component. I spend more time with her than anyone else. But I think more of my wife as my soulmate, lover, partner and yes confident, but "best friend"? No. I actually had a revelation about that a couple years ago when I said to her "I don't think of you as my best friend anymore". She was surprised, and a little hurt, until I outlined exactly what I meant. Then she got it and eventually she agreed. The romantic and sexual chemistry we have isn't really encapsulated by calling one another "best friends". I don't sleep with my best friends.

I think time with friends, especially of the same sex, without your spouse is not only healthy, but was considered vital and necessary for most of human history, and still is in plenty of places in the world. When I was younger I bought into the romantic fantasy that my wife could be my "everything". I'm glad I gave that up. There exists no conflict between the place my wife has in my heart and the many friends I love and appreciate. I find the western tendency to make marriage and your partner the source of your "everything" potentially very damaging. 

We do spend time together doing things; we see each other more than everyone else, so of course we do. But we both have extracurricular activities that don't involve the other, and our social circles are completely separate. Eventually we both would like to get a few mutual, equal friendships going, but on the whole we enjoy the freedom of our independent social lives.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

so the choice is doing "most" or "none" of your time doing stuff together? :rofl:

dude, the world is Analog, not Digital.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

He has my back, he knows me better than anyone. He's privy to all the insecurities and fears and aspirations and thoughts. 

But ...flower arranging just isn't his bag! He did however, make me cups of tea in the middle of the night as I finished the bridal bouquet for my friend. I'd say we both dig being around each other the most but feel there's a healthy balance to be had with spending time alone and/or with friends. We have plans to embrace some new things together soon - working on projects and learning new stuff. A common interest brought us together and we shared in that hobby in the early days. As time has gone on, we have developed new interests.


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## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

johnAdams said:


> We spend all of our free time together. My wife is my best friend, lover and everything else wrapped up in one. Neither of us is involved in activities that does not include the other.


This is me and mine.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

soccermom2three said:


> I've never called my husband my "best friend" because he's my husband, so he's more than a best friend.
> 
> Also, I think it's corny when people do that, (running for cover....)
> 
> ...


If he is your husband and MORE than a best friend, tell me, why is it that your current situation doesn't even describe "friends".


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

MSP said:


> Boy, you need to find different men to hang out with.


Thing is I don't really want to. 

Friendships are 50/50, and frankly I don't really have enough time to contribute to a frienship (proper one) THUS I cannot be a good friend.

So I can't expect ANYONE to be a good friend to me.

Besides, one thing I have learned about myself is that I like people in small doses. Throughout my life, I always seem to stick to that one special person/best friend. Although I've had doses of "many friends", I simply don't have that connection when you start multiplying and it's unappealing to me.

I'm also "stay at home type" and don't really like to go out much. I love and enjoy comfort of home, it's who I am. 

Would you want to be friends with me without going out somewhere? I doubt it. I wouldn't either if I were you.

Maybe I'm just lame, doesn't really matter. I know what I enjoy and love, and I like myself and am happy with myself.



MSP said:


> That's a sad state of affairs. Or perhaps it's more a question of your perspective? Then again, you are a tradesman, right? I was for a few years, after high school, too, and the sort of attitude you describe is quite common. Tradies can be pretty crude.


I don't think it is. I like where I am and I'm happy.

It can be perspective, I think of it as who I am. 

No, I'm not a tradesman. But I do live in NY "spillage" area. I know there is many great people out there, but like I said, most are too busy to be friends too (just like me). 

But I realize that there is many more crappy people out there that I simply want no part of.


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## Lancer (Sep 15, 2014)

My SO and are best friends.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

DoF said:


> Would you want to be friends with me without going out somewhere? I doubt it. I wouldn't either if I were you.



Why not? One of my favorite things to do with a good friend is sit and chat, shoot the breeze, enjoy each other's company. You don't have to really "do" anything if the two people involved just like being in the presence of one another. 

I think it's about finding people whose presence enriches your life, not necessarily having to be associated with going out or doing something major. In my experience the best friendships don't require a lot. It's kind of like your favorite cousin, uncle, or other family member; you might not see them that often, but when you do get the chance to catch up it's like no time has passed at all. And it seldom requires a lot of doing, planning, or going out.


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## Relationship (Sep 29, 2014)

MSP said:


> Historically, men and women did not do a lot of extra-curricular (so to speak) things together. Even up until recent times, there were men-only clubs where men would get together with their brandy and cigars to talk without their wives present. Prior to that, women were often excluded from a lot of activities than men would do together. Even the Olympics were men-only competitions. Women had their own social circles and would get together to talk and do—you know, woman stuff.
> 
> These days, there is a lot of talk about people marrying their best friends, but I’m wondering how much of this truly translates to doing hobby-type stuff together a lot of the time. In my experience, it is actually rare for couples to spend a lot of time together outside of activities that by definition are family based—drama presentations at school or church, birthday parties, etc.
> 
> So, the question I have for my fellow TAMers, especially the guys, is this: How much of your social, sporting, or hobby time is spent with your significant other? Also, has this changed over the years?


Time with your partner has changed greatly over the last fifty years. There was a time when in the majority of houses men worked and women did not. We all know how that has changed. Now men work late, women work late, both do the shopping, cleaning, laundry and taking care of the kids. This leaves much less time for the relationship and is at least partly responsible for the high divorce rate we now have.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Back when I was single and on match.com, so many posts by men said things like, "must like working out, camping, skiing, hiking, mountain biking, etc."

Never saw a woman post that he must like antiquing or baking or some other less masculine activity. In this arena, there is certainly a double standard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Mrs meson and I are definitely best friends. I spend more time with her than anyone else. I do more things with her than anyone else. But I have a hobby which she doesn't want to directly participate in due to her fear of heights. She does participate and go along on trips but most of my hobby time is spent without her. 

I dont think hobby time is a litmus test for best friend. Anyone can have a passion for something or an activity that their spouse supports but doesn't have very much to do with it. This doesn't detract from the relationship. In fact I think it's a good thing that not all of a spouses time is taken up being with their spouse. It enables each spouse to grow and evolve as people and bring new things to the marriage. It is a lot of fun to discuss each others hobbies. To me it's like getting to know them and learn about their interests like when we dated. Our hobbies always provide things to talk about. Just because we don't chose to do them doesn't mean we don't take an interest in them. 

Something that I did recently was to find a mutual hobby to do with my spouse. A bit over a year ago we both started a new hobby that would mesh with separate ones that we enjoy. We have had an intense year of learning and activity and have grown by it as well. However it still doesn't surpas time spent doing some of our other things.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

ebp123 said:


> Back when I was single and on match.com, so many posts by men said things like, "must like working out, camping, skiing, hiking, mountain biking, etc."
> 
> Never saw a woman post that he must like antiquing or baking or some other less masculine activity. In this arena, there is certainly a double standard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's funny because one of the reasons my wife was interested in me when we were dating was because enjoyed antiquing and baking. I suspect that women are just more subtle than men in their desires. It's not that they don't have them. Oh and by the way what nailed it for her was that I was a camper.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

^ cooking skills... huge plus in my book! 

A man who's passionate in the kitchen... yes.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> ^ cooking skills... huge plus in my book!
> 
> A man who's passionate in the kitchen... yes.


There is no other way.
If you arent cooking with your love and your heart...then its just chemistry.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

My W is most certainly my best friend. We do everything together with exception of me going to car shows every now and then. Although she will attend with me if the weather is cool. I do not attend her girlfriends b-day parties they host for one another. 99% of the time I can assure you if one of is there the other is as well. 

After 20 years I can honestly say if I needed to count on one person who would furiously and boldly do what she needs to do to assure my safety, care and support it would be my W hands down. No question. We are best friends in every definition of the word.


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