# Need a guys point of view!! Help!



## abigail82 (Aug 21, 2011)

My husband and I have been married for 6 years, we were separated from each other b/c he went to prison, nothing violent just stupid mistakes and not taking things seriously, he was gone for 4 years, we had our ups and downs and in and outs while he was gone but now he has been home for a little over a year, things were good in the beginning but now I have to just about beg for any kind of physical affection or any display of emotion, his excuse is that he is tired from work or sore but when I offer a back rub he turns me down, I don't get it, it makes me feel like there is someone else but I am at a lost as to figure out how he has time I always know where he is and he is either working or at home, I work from home with the exception of Friday and Saturday nights but we have 3 kids under the age of 8 so he can't be sneaking around while I am at work so I don't understand why it is so hard for him to display any emotions towards me or desire for me. Examples:
(1) the other day I told him that I wanted to go out to dinner, just the two of us, then spend the rest of the evening tangled up in each others arms, his response was "really you just got some the other day you can't possibly be needing it again"
(2) we made love last night when I came home from work, he didn't even kiss me during it and then complained about being tired today.
(3) when we do have sex he thinks I am asking too much of him to have more sex the next day, he says that I should be fine for a little while
(4) when I tell him I would like a little more attention via foreplay or other actions his response typically "what do I get" or "why don't you do me first" 
(5) when I do "do him first" he is either done after that or our sexual encounter turns into a 5 minute quickie with me getting no physical or emotional satisfaction from it

How can I approach him to express my concerns? When I try to talk to him about it he just says that I am not normal because I "always" want sex or because I am not happy because he doesn't kiss and hug on me all the time 
How do I make him see that his behavior is making me feel unwanted and it is hurting me and our relationship?
Also for more info on where we stand in our relationship I am 29 he is 42, 1 out of the 3 kids is his, 1 was from before our marriage, and the youngest I had while he was in prison(he has adopted the youngest)


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

There is a lot going on here.... First off I have to question getting 4 years for some silly mistakes. Not exactly a slap on the wrist...

What is his stance on you having a child by someone else while he was in prison? I think if I went away for a while and my wife got pregnant by someone else, it would be a bit of a mood killer for me.

I don't think you are strange at all for wanting sex every day or so. Sounds reasonable to me. He's got something going on in his head that he is not telling you. I think some serious communication is in order. Just try to talk to him in a normal tone of voice and tell him how you feel about him, and how you feel about the lack of affection you are receiving.


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