# Whats it like to be in love?



## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Whats it like to look into someones eyes, and get that mushy feeling in your chest? Its been so long, I forgot. I recently got a facebook friend request, from an ex HS g-friend that I havent seen in 20 years. I ignored the request, but seeing her picture brought back feelings I havent felt in years. Ive also realized how boring, and passion-less my own 10 year marriage has become. I thought, I loved my wife when we married, but she has become so boring, uncaring, and un interested in sex over the years, I dont even consider her the same person I married. Ive tried to be a good husband, and tend to her needs, but shes just so unresponsive, and unappreciative, Ive pretty much given up. Ive tried to talk to her about this, but she thinks nothings wrong. I want to leave, and find a woman who has an once of life left in her, but I just dont have the heart, or the guts, to leave ...yet. For now, I guess Ill just listen to sappy old ballads, and fantasize about love, and having a life.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I know what its like to be in love...

Love is that night We spent under a blanket on the back of our crappy primer colored oldsmobile staring at all that is greater than us and being so tiny in comparison but knowing that together, we could take it all on and nothing could ever change that.

Love, is the smile that wouldn't leave my face the day he pledged his life to me.

Love is the patience and kindness he recieves from me, regardless of his behaviors, it's the ability to see past the nonsense and cherish the person inside.

Love is a walk at 3am holding hands, sharing your entire lives with eachother and never wanting it to end. 

Love is unconditional, love lives through hurt and pain, love smiles through the tears, love is gods second greatest gift, and most disregarded and abused.

Love is why I married, and its also what has slowly destroyed me.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

What you need to be doing is figuring out what role you have played in the stagnation of your marriage, it's not all one-sided.:scratchhead:


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## FOM (Jun 23, 2010)

frank, it is tempting to pursue someone based the feelings that were brought about via the facebook contact, especially when you perceive your current relationship to be stagnant. I'll go a step further and tell you that your current relationship will never provide the warm fuzzy of a new relationship (even if your current relationship is "good"). Neurologists will tell you the "honeymoon" phase causes serotonin and other feel good chemicals in the brain to be released. The problem is this effect only lasts for 24 - 36 months, then you'll likely have the same problem, just with a different person.

We often get into ruts and our spouse becomes a reflection of ourselves. Work on yourself. Become more interesting, caring, and passionate. Be sure to understand what your wife's top needs and work to meet them. I'll bet within a couple of months you'll see a difference.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

FOM said:


> frank, it is tempting to pursue someone based the feelings that were brought about via the facebook contact, especially when you perceive your current relationship to be stagnant.


 I can assure you, I will not be pursuing my ex g-friend, in fact, I think I kinda insulted her, by not accepting her friend request, but I knew if we started talking, it would lead to at least an EA, and I aint going there cause shes married too.


> I'll go a step further and tell you that your current relationship will never provide the warm fuzzy of a new relationship (even if your current relationship is "good"). Neurologists will tell you the "honeymoon" phase causes serotonin and other feel good chemicals in the brain to be released. The problem is this effect only lasts for 24 - 36 months, then you'll likely have the same problem, just with a different person.


 Spot on! I think thats whats so depressing, is even if I had the guts to leave, and pursue a more meaningful relationship, it would ultimately fizzle out over time, and Id be back to where I am now just older.



> We often get into ruts and our spouse becomes a reflection of ourselves. Work on yourself. Become more interesting, caring, and passionate. Be sure to understand what your wife's top needs and work to meet them. I'll bet within a couple of months you'll see a difference.


I understand that marriage is a 2 way street, but I honestly feel, Ive put into it, all I can reasonably be expected to. I keep in good shape, Im responsible with $, I take care of the house, and I try to be romantic, but she is completely unappreciative of the nice things I do for her. She also doesnt seem to have any need for passion or romance, she seems to think being more like roommates, with very occasional sex, is perfectly acceptable, and its not. I would even go so far as to say, my wife acts, dresses, and talks more like a man, than a woman at this point, she has completely lost her sense of femininity,and its not just me, she tells me, that at work, people call her "sir" sometimes, and its a shame, because she could be very pretty if she wanted to, and was at one time. I asked if she liked women once, and she got really pissed. I guess Im just hanging on to the way she use to be, I wonder how much longer I can tolerate what she has become.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

To get back to the original question..I assume you're asking this after the *INFATUATION* feelings go away...I *LOVE* my daughters and that brings me great joy in myself and my life, a peaceful easy feeling so to speak..but I assume you want the answer to a male/female relationship of 'love'..I guess love is what you make it out to be..people married 50 yrs plus, probably have a different Idea of 'love', whereas a newlywed person sees it differently..how many times have YOU 'fallen in love?'..the* 'butterflies in stomach feeling'*, the *'can't wait to just be next to someone feeling'*, the *'always on my mind feeling',* or whatever YOU think it is..it's different for everyone IMO

But you're definitely not infatuated with her nor she with you...I loved my wife before she left me, but my love didn't equal what love meant to her...and now I don't love her after the time apart...and I can' wait to get the 'butterflies' again.


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## MrRomantic (Jun 14, 2010)

Not to be a jerk, but it's INFATUATED.


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## FOM (Jun 23, 2010)

frank, You say your wife isn't the same person that you married. Well, she isn't, and neither are you. Neither is my wife or anyone else's spouse for that matter. The challenge is to find ways to keep it interesting, and that in and of itself is very difficult when our responsibilities continually increase. Marriage obviously can't be a one way street, and I'm sorry if that's what yours has become. I don't know any reliable methods to get one's spouse to "re-engage" after they've decided to just mail it in every day. 

Is there any chance your wife suffers from depression? Do you know what her top needs are?


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Well you are a *JERK*:rofl: or is it *JURK*:scratchhead: seriously, thank you.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

FOM said:


> Is there any chance your wife suffers from depression? Do you know what her top needs are?


Yes, quite possibly she is depressed, but then again, so am I, at this point. Seriously, my wife works long hours as a letter carrier, in a crappy neighborhood. She use to work in the city which she liked, but when we moved upstate, I urged her to transfer, cause I thought the commute was killing her, which it was. Now shes stuck in a job she hates, and cant transfer, but wont quit because she wont give up her retirement benys. Thing is, when she gets her vacation time, shes a completely different woman, happy, fun, even sexy. Ive tried, over the years, to make life easier for her, I use to pack her lunch everyday, do her laundry, carry her stuff, to and from the car, I even left little love notes in her bag, to brighten her day, but she never really seemed to appreciate it, so I pretty much dont bother anymore. I try to be patient, and understanding, about how hard she works, but she needs buck up a little too, the whining and mopeing gets a little old. We all have to work, no reason to give up on life, cause you hate your job.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Thanks for your thought hunt, but I dont go for all "change" stuff If I wanted change all the time, Id be single and dating. I got married because I thought my wife shared my dreams, and interests, at the time, but I see all I got was the ol bait and switch. I also dont think completely losing interest in your appearance, your hobbies, your friends, and sex, is a positive evolution in persons life. My wife walks around w/ a frown on her face, whining about work everyday, whats to like about that? I dont expect her to give me butterflies, or hang on me every minute, but am I supposed to give up on love, because my wife has given up on life?


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Hunt Brown said:


> Before complaining that your wife walks around with a frown on her face and making your life miserable you ask yourself what you do that contributes to her unhappiness....


 Hunt, thanks again, but maybe go back and read the thread, and see what I believe her unhappiness is caused by, and what I tried to do for years to make her happy. Fact is, some people prefer to wallow in misery, and theres nothing anyone can do to change them. As far as a trip to the attorneys office, well, one can only hope.


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## FOM (Jun 23, 2010)

If her job is the source of this depression, can't you convince her to look for another one?


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

FOM said:


> If her job is the source of this depression, can't you convince her to look for another one?


Oh believe me, Ive tried, but she is a typical public sector slave, who thinks she needs her govt pension to survive. She has 17 years in the PO ,and thinks itll all be wasted if she quits. Thing is, I would be happy to pick up the slack, while she finds another job, but I actually think that would make her more miserable, because she'd lose the one thing that gives her a sense of worth. Shes just not the housewife type. Unfortunately shes also not the considerate type, or the loving type, so unfortunately, I think at some point, if she doesnt adjust her attitude, Ill have to make her the divorced type.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

A lot of people want to give advice from their experiences, whether someone agrees or disagrees is their choice also, but generally on here..it is heartfelt advice from their particular relationship, and only you truly know what your relationship was like..but honestly..HuntBrown's advice was on the money..a person is SUPPOSED to change as they grow, if not you get stagnation, maybe you two have just grown apart, or see life differently now, or just one of you changed, chances are a person whether they realize it or not, changes as they get older, it's how they changed, not whether they have, you have, but just haven't seen how IMO, she has changed obviously, not saying it's hers or your fault, just saying you both have changed.:scratchhead:


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

ok people.....ahem......clears & croons, 

"lets fall in love! why shouldnt we, fall in love? our hearts are made of it, lets take a chance. why be afraid it?

lets close our eyes, and make our own paradise. little we know
of it, still we can try, to make a go of it.
we might have been meant for each other...? "to be or not to be,"let our hearts discover!

lets fall in love! why shouldnt we, fall in love? now is the time
for it, while we are young, lets fall in love!"--------Nat King Cole
(circa 1955)

i feel ya OP, i feel ya. not agreeing w/ ya, but i get yer angst.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

franklinfx said:


> Oh believe me, Ive tried, but she is a typical public sector slave, who thinks she needs her govt pension to survive. She has 17 years in the PO ,and thinks itll all be wasted if she quits. Thing is, I would be happy to pick up the slack, while she finds another job, but I actually think that would make her more miserable, because she'd lose the one thing that gives her a sense of worth. Shes just not the housewife type. Unfortunately shes also not the considerate type, or the loving type, so unfortunately, I think at some point, if she doesnt adjust her attitude, Ill have to make her the divorced type.


see, the same could be said about me.

When I found my husband, I had ideas, I had a drive, I had a person.

do you know what I am now? I work, its all I do, I've lost my confidence to go out and do anything, I've become paranoid, I won't spend money on myself, I won't enjoy myself, some days it's too much for me to clean anything other than what my pets need to be comfortable and cared for.

I rarely smile, I'm bitter, I'm mean, I mope, the once a week I have a friend without kids(theirs not mine thank you) we drink.

I refuse to look for a new job.. but there is reason whether my husband sees it or not.

It's him. He can offer to help until he's blue in the face, and it'll do nothing. if he asked me if I wanted to find a new job, take some time off, I'd tell him no. it'd be a waste.

secretly...I wish he'd just actually go ahead and pick up the slack, do something to show me this is more than a way to keep his hott younger girlfriend tied to him, say something other than the words that will just pacify me.

he can try all he wants, the difference would be, if he'd just do.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Ya know I feel kinda bad now, I didnt mean for this to turn into a thing where I bash my wife post after post. Shes not a bad person, shes just in her own little world. Hunt brown, Im sure you mean well but w/ all due respect, I really dont think you read my posts very carefully. I mentioned several times in this thread, that Ive tried for years to make my wife happy, and fix what it is thats caused her to lose interest in life, but the fact is, some people just give up and dont want to be happy, what else do you expect me to do? 

Anyway, what I really meant to accomplish here, is to see if there are any long time married people, who still feel passion and love, when they look at their spouse? Is anyone actually still with their spouse because you want to be, or are you like me ,and just sticking around causes its "comfortable"? Personally, I really miss being in love


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Franklin,

what do you do to spark romance, when was the last time the two of you did something spontaneous or unscheduled?

it doesn't have to cost money, it doesn't have to be planned, it can be as simple as "come on honey we have to go now" drag her out and watch the sunset together.

despite my relationship issues, my husband and I do have that spark still, and we do keep a freshness to things in the respect of love.

I even still get surprised with flowers out of the blue, most of my friends never got that in the first month of dating their men, I still get it 5 years and a wedding later.

perhaps what it is, and why I relate to it, is she feels she has become her duties, (I know I'm talking from almost two different heads here, but relax, I am a gemini, its normal) like you said, and unless you've been doing it, one of the best ways to break that is the sudden surprise of something innocent, sweet, and sincere?


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

CLucas976 said:


> Franklin,
> 
> what do you do to spark romance, when was the last time the two of you did something spontaneous or unscheduled?


 Picked wild flowers for her a couple weeks ago, just to pretend Im in a romantic relationship. Took her out to a nice lake last week for a picnic, swimming, and fishing ,even let her reel in, the only fish we hooked, made her a nice steak last night, brought home dinner tonight, all went unappreciated, barely got a thank you, or even a smile out of her, she acts like shes entitled or something.





> perhaps what it is, and why I relate to it, is she feels she has become her duties,


 Trust me you would not relate to my wife if you met her. Just the fact that you care enough to blog about your feelings, or even log on to talk forum, is far more thoughtful and emotional than she is capable of being.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

OK Franklin..it is time to boot her out or get out yourself..You've done everything, she's done nothing, why are you in here?...if it is that one-sided you need no justification, I'm sure you have read up on a relationship like yours..it says end it, are you afraid?..take the leap!!!...the grass is greener in your situation..I can tell you in my case..the grass is greener, oh my wife makes 100k a year..but I'll take 'love' any day.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

franklinfx said:


> Anyway, what I really meant to accomplish here, is to see if there are any long time married people, who still feel passion and love, when they look at their spouse? Is anyone actually still with their spouse because you want to be, or are you like me ,and just sticking around causes its "comfortable"? Personally, I really miss being in love


 I am one who is with my husband and he with me -because we REALLY want to be, after 20 yrs of marraige. I still feel on a Serotonin high about him. I KNOW the way he treats me has MUCH to do with my happiness though. I often feel if I was married to another, I would not be in the beautiful place I am today, he is by nature more patient, even loving than myself. 

Our spouses attitude & zest for life & LOVE towards us -can make or break our spirits. He is the wind beneath my wings - so to speak. 

I do agree with many on here that it has to start with one spouse to overcome & really pick up the reigns when the other is hurting so bad to the point of depression. But after years & years & years of struggle -with no change, is it worth then for you to need depression meds just to save an empty marraige? 

Only YOU can gauge how deep, how high, how wide, how hard you have tried to overlook, to love , to give to this woman, and the dephts of the pain to receive so little in return. Just as Biblically, there is a time for everything, there comes a time to say to oneself - do I want to spend the rest of my life like this? 

Sometimes, I really feel it might take loosing someone we have "taken for granted" to see what we have lost and wake us up fully. Has she taken you for granted? Maybe time to put the cards on the table, truthfully communicate with your wife that you want to GIVE & GIVE & GIVE but it just isnt enough, you need more from her, you need her heart again, you need to RECIEVE some Love in return, some appreciation, some feedback, receive Affection on a daily basis. Without this, you feel barren and left wanting. Marraige should never be this much of a struggle. 

If you still want to hold on, at least give it one last shot, rent "Fireproof" and get the "Love Dare" & do the challenge within the pages to see if it sparks her appreciation for you 
again. Amazon.com: The Love Dare (9780805448856): Stephen Kendrick, Alex Kendrick: Books


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

2Daughters said:


> OK Franklin..it is time to boot her out or get out yourself..You've done everything, she's done nothing, why are you in here?...if it is that one-sided you need no justification, I'm sure you have read up on a relationship like yours..it says end it, are you afraid?..take the leap!!!...the grass is greener in your situation..I can tell you in my case..the grass is greener, oh my wife makes 100k a year..but I'll take 'love' any day.


 Unfortunately, its just not that simple, sure, sometimes Id like to tack a dear joan letter to her pillow, and start an exiting new life on my own , but at the very least, we are very financially attached, we have a house/mortgage, that she cant afford on her own, and the housing market sucks here in NY, so selling aint a great op. either. She also has two sons that dont live w/ us, that Im not super close w/ ,but watched these 2 grow up, none the less, and it would be kinda weird saying "hey guys its been nice , later". We also have 2 cats, that we adopted 4 years ago ,that I just dont have the heart to give away, and finding an apt that takes 1 cat , let alone 2, is tough, and I know she wont want them. All that, and the simple fact that lawyers, and divorce, is expensive! Im just not sure its all worth it. I know it sounds like Im making excuses, but its just not that easy, to drop the life youve led for 11years, and walk away.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I don't remember if you've brought any of this to her attention?

there has to be a way for you to get your point across and let her know how it is. Chances are if she's in her own little world she doesn't see how she's affecting you (look at my husband lol)

Perhaps, putting the ball in her court would help? get it out to her, tell her what has to happen, and let her do with it what she will. if its nothing, then it's time to go. 

you can only do so much.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

My wife doesnt want me to do anything, shes perfectly happy w/ the status quo. I dont think she believes in love anymore,as long as the bill get paid shes content, shes like an icequeen. She use to be alotta fun, and a hottie, but somewhere along the line, she gave up. Moral of the story Clucas, dont settle for less, cause the longer you stay, the harder it is to break free.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Hunt Brown said:


> stop being obtuse... if your wife was perfectly happy you she wouldn't be overweight and depressed.


 What in the world are you talking about? Where in this thread, did I say my wife was overweight?????? My wife and I both are fitness & diet freaks, its one of the few things we still have in common. seriously, for the 3rd time now, you need to read the posts you comment on, more carefully.



> and frankly, I know you think your earlier posts explain how she done you wrong, but everone here is going to read your expositions as biased at best, pure propaganda at worst.


 I think you are accidentally responding here to some post in infidelity forum, where did I say "she done me wrong":scratchhead: I said she "gave up" , that shes "inconsiderate and unappreciative", of most of the nice things I do. I didnt say cheated on me, or ran over my cat



> what we do have is a man who professes to want to improve his relationship, yet every suggestion is gainsaid with "you just don't understand how she done me wrong"...


 This is just comical when did I say "I want to improve my marriage"? Or that "she done me wrong"? My whole point is that If I had the guts, Id leave and find a new sweetheart, that appreciates a little luvin.


> hardly persuasive, and mildly irritating because it is the refreain of every sad sack who wants people to sympathize with him and tell him how bad his wife is rather than picking himself up and getting about the serious business of owning his responsibility and changing his life to make his marriage work.
> 
> Hunt Brown


 Hey genius, 1st of all, I couldnt care less about your sympathy, and if Im such and "irritating sad sack" why do you waste your time giving me your irrelevant advice????
One more time for ya, read 1st, then comment. LOL"overweight" ... what a maroon!:rofl:


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

I'm not speaking for HuntBrown..but what I think he meant was...afte reading a lot of posts, not just yours, that when the individual on the forum starts telling about all the negative the other person has done/did, it comes off as sympathetic, it took me awhile to understand that part on this site:scratchhead:..I can relate from a 'wanting to explain' how 'she' was, but when I did a little soul searching, I found 'I WAS' just as at fault as my wife, in the beginning though it was all 'her', but soon we realize it isn't as one-sided as we think, but since none of us know your true situation except you and her, we take what we read with HuntBrowns analogy as Biased at best Propaganda at worst and nothing more, rarely is a relatonship THAT ONE-SIDED, and if it truly is that bad,then you don't need advice, you need legal help to get the hell out of it.IMO


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Ok 2daughters, I guess I kinda understand what Huntbrown meant by sympathy, but tell me, what did he mean when he claimed I said my wife was overweight:scratchhead: or that "she done me wrong":scratchhead: ????

Yeah, Im well aware I should be seeking out a lawyer if Im planning to get a divorce, but like I said before, its not that easy to just walk away after 10 years of marriage.

I would also like to point out, that my OP was not a request for advice about my current marital situation ,and i surly dont need to know why anyone oddly thinks my wife is overweight BECAUSE SHES THIN AS A RAIL!!!!:rofl: so please dont be so offended if I dont agree with anyone. I really just wanted to hear about how nice it must be to feel all mushy over someone again


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

I'm not sure where overweight came from either, I remember the feeling of mushiness though..even during the most stagnated tme in my marriage, I remembered it, and I tried to get it from my wife for a long time, but couldn't figure out how to, so eventually she decided she would seek out someone who would, 3 mnths later I get that feeling a little, since I'm going on a lunch date with a woman I might like a lot if all clicks, if it does, I will be feeling those butterflies again, and the funny thing is, she feels them already and we've talked a lot on the phone lately, I met her through a friend once, but the conversations themselves get me gushy, and no talk of sex at all, just playful conversation, first time I think I'm stimulated by someone's voice and wit.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Ah, how nice it must be to date again, youre a lucky man 2 daughters:smthumbup:


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Thanks Franklin,Well to be honest..I really don't feel lucky, even though I am glad to be dating, it feels a little strange, when me and the spouse talked about growing old together and taking care of each other later in life, then all of a sudden you're on your own, that's hard to wrap my arms around, and then there are my 2 daughters, I have already gotten past the guilty stage enough where I can deal with it, but who's to say it won't come back, my other datehad just gotten her divorce finalized and took me to dinner to celebrate, but I cannot deal with clingyness (no butterflies there), but no matter I realize I need to socialize, just nothing serious, how can someone who has been in a LTR all of a sudden even think of it agan?..I can't..but I will like the 'butterfly effect'


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

It seems everything has its price, security is nice but boring, butterflies are exiting but they dont offer much security. i guess we both, are at a crossroad in life.good luck to you.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

:smcowboy:Hunt may be wrong re: some of the facts yet she can salvage her post w/ her pertinent question: what are u here for then, franklin? sympathy?:sleeping:

u yourself said "....if only i had the guts...." not a very sympathetic stmt by itself.

i wonder what u'd do if the most incredible hottie showed up in yer life and was waiting briefly for u to decide, old life or new one w/ her?:scratchhead:

i'd wager u'd have the guts then, after some obligatory heming n
hawing(as they say down south):smcowboy: .......:ezpi_wink1:


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

cb45 said:


> :smcowboy:Hunt may be wrong re: some of the facts yet she can salvage her post w/ her pertinent question:


 Ok before I answer your ridiculous question, lets get a few things straight, 1st huntbrown IS wrong, not "may be wrong", my wife is not fat nor did I say she was. 2nd, you know if you click on a persons profile you dont have to guess what sex they are, huntbrown at least claims to be male, so why are you referring to him as "she"?:scratchhead::rofl:



> what are u here for then, franklin? sympathy?:sleeping:
> 
> u yourself said "....if only i had the guts...." not a very sympathetic stmt by itself.


 I really dont know what youre even talking about, if im not very sympathetic, as you say ,why do you and huntbrown think Im looking for sympathy????:scratchhead: you do know the word sympathetic means having sympathy, not getting sympathy right???


> i wonder what u'd do if the most incredible hottie showed up in yer life and was waiting briefly for u to decide, old life or new one w/ her?:scratchhead:


 I meet beautiful women all the time at work, some even disregard my wedding band and invite me out on occasion, so dont think for a second Im staying because I dont have any other offers, in fact it kills me to have to turn them down.


> i'd wager u'd have the guts then, after some obligatory heming n
> hawing(as they say down south):smcowboy: .......:ezpi_wink1:


 Like huntbrown you need to go back and READ my posts more carefully, I explained why i dont have the (financially) guts to leave, and just for the record I dont completely not love, or want to leave my wife, I just wish I could get some excitement in my lovelife again. Is that so bad?


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## questions (May 7, 2010)

Hi Frank,

Like you, I joined this board out of hunger/wish to feel in love. Like you, I knew deep down that I would find myself in the same situation again down the road if I were to pursue others instead of focusing on my current relationship. I think that wanting to be in love is the universal wish/need. We all want to feel alive, complete, and hopeful...ah to be in love!


Where we differ are our strategies on how or whether we might get there. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounded like that you don't think that you can get there with your W because your W is unappreciative, unresponsive, and ungrateful to all the things you do for her. I took a slightly different approach that I sought to perceive my spouse differently. A few people on this board were trying their best to exercise unconditional love, and I was really inspired. Without asking or wanting my spouse to change, I made a commitment to perceive him as lovingly as possible. I knew that I have lots of love to give as it seems to flow so naturally and effortless for my DD. I wanted to be able to tap into some of those love toward my spouse and remove my own blocks. For six or so beautiful weeks, I fell in love with him again, and it felt wonderful. We had some of the best sex we've had in our entire relationships, and my spouse responded. Then life, old habits, and my ego conditioning caught up again, and it's hard to feel in love anymore. But I now know that it's within my full power to be in love without needing him to change. It's just hard to muster the "desire" to stay consciously committed to love unconditionally .

In case if you're wondering if the process will make you a doormat, I assure you that it takes incredible amount of strength, courage, and self-love to practice love unconditionally. Plus, as one of the most selfish people that I know, I came close to being able to love and fall in love with my spouse that way. I never do anything I don't want to do. Finding the desire to do something is half the battle. Now I better get busy finding that desire for myself .

Best of luck to you, Frank.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

?s, Very thoughtful and well written. I must say, although I find your story inspiring ,I dont know if could have your patience at this point. Very helpful none the less, thank you:smthumbup:


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

tks franklin for pointing out HBrowns sex to me. that fact was so critical here that HBrown himself(by the way, did it occur to u posters here can lie re: their sex just like anywhere else on internet chat rms/forums?:scratchhead: duh!)didnt bother to correct me.
:rofl: 
also it was soooo critical to u that u didnt bother to read, no make that CLOSELY:lolsound familar?)read what i wrote.

if u had u'd seen how i used the word, "sympathetic." and wouldnt question its use like...........a 5th grader w/ their english teacher! [hint to student: look at adverbs b4 & after
the DIFFICULT word in question to get its meaning.]

ironic dont ya think? u tell me to read yer diatribes closely when u dont even reciprocate the effort re: mine.:lol:
[maybe u dont read yer OWN to see if yer clear on what it is
u r trying to get across. [this would exlplain alot, no?]

and i notice u seem to have the same problem w/ Hunt.
how many more folk do u need to try n offend b4 u reach that mirror across yer smallish rm? we cant all be wrong, Frank.

after u replied re: finances being yer main reason, i realized 
yer main problem may be just that......finances.
better put......a love for $$$$, eh? I wrote about the beautiful woman bit as a means to see if u'd give up all u had for someone whos lovely and willing to breathe fresh life into yer veins. and u wrote yer b.s. about girls hitting on ya at the office, 'cuz yer worried about yer precious ego instead.....tsk tsk(this says alot bout u franklin, call it insight).

u can deny it(love of $$$)all u want, but maybe it bears examination on your part, as i dont need credit or approval from u here on TAM anymore that u need it from me. i.e., secretly consider it, ok "hunk"?

all i will say(for all of us)is that we all need to honestly self examine ourselves, and ask Gods help(if u r so humbled) re: our
marriages. for they are sometimes so complex they boggle our
comprehensive abilities to garner a viable solution.

feel free franklin to pt out any other errors(valid/invalid)as 
i'm all for getting it right/improving myself.

but read me 1st, consult yer thesaurus if nec, b4 u prematurely criticize me for my prose/meaning (& i'll do the same) k?


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

The above post is proof texting kills braincells.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Hey Franklin,
Have you looked up “Unrequited Love”. Sounds to me like whatever you do you’re not appreciated by your wife. Reckon a lot of us men need to feel appreciated to feel loved and therefore to feel “in love”. Otherwise it’s infatuation, in love with a dream, an idea, something that doesn’t exist.

Sounds like you’re hitting the ball over the net but it’s not coming back to you. Love is a two way game. We can play it by ourselves for a while, sometimes years. But if it ain’t coming back it ain’t coming back.

Bob


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