# Help



## Confused and Exhausted (Sep 18, 2012)

Okay, a little background. My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years and married for 6. We do not have a perfect marriage but nothing too out of the ordinary. We have 2 kids 10 and 3. 

Now the problem. We do not have near enough sex. Maybe once a month (if I'm lucky) but we have gone up to 3-4 months without it before. This has been ongoing for about 4 years now (since about halfway through my pregnancy) and I do not know what to do about it. He literally doesn't have time to cheat so I'm pretty sure that isn't it. I have tried to make jokes about it and I've even come out and told him that I have a problem with it, no results, just excuses as to why (I work a lot of hours, I'm tired, you stay up too late..........). 

I'm just so frusterated!!


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Try saying "i'm not asking for the reason why I''m asking if you can fulfill your husbandly duty or not. Say I need it more if you can't provide it you need to let me know now. Sometimes blunt is the way to deal with a man.

I'm sure others will disagree and there are some pretty smart cookies here so if the preponderence of responses outweigh mine then follow their lead.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Has the frequency always been that low?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

1) Are you attempting to initiate?

2) Has he had his testosterone checked?


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Been with the wife 25 years.

We went through a 'slow patch' maybe about 5 years after we got married. In retrospect - Im not even sure why, I think most of it was me - which is pretty unbelievable frankly since I am usually the initiator. We might have gone 4-5 months without. I dont remember it ever came to a confrontation - but there were some comments. Eventually, we fell into our regular groove again...between 3-4 times a week typically. 

The first thing I would look for is stress. Have you been fighting, work stress, financial stress, something else? Are the little annoying things you both do adding up? When was the last time you booked a room at a Bed and Breakfast for a weekend? Just a quet dinner out? (And I dont mean a quick bite to eat while discussing when that damn kitchen drain is going to get unclogged.)

Dont get discouraged. Try and remind each other about what is good in the relationship. It helps. Find a chance for some alone time that doesnt necessarily include sex. Walk in the woods etc.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Also think about going to bed with him at the same time
My wife and I have this same issue
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JamesStevl (Sep 19, 2012)

Sometimes blunt is the way to deal with a man.


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## Confused and Exhausted (Sep 18, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Has the frequency always been that low?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



No, it hasn't always been that low. It was pretty normal for the first couple years we were married. I noticed the change when I was abut 5 months pregnant with our son. At first I thought he was freaked out by the whole baby thing (because that was his first biologic child) but it didn't pass afterwards. Now over 4 years later it isn't getting any better and it seems like since I hit 30 my drive is through the roof.


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## Confused and Exhausted (Sep 18, 2012)

C123 said:


> 1) Are you attempting to initiate?
> 
> 2) Has he had his testosterone checked?



I have attempted to initiate but no we have not had him checked. I've mentioned it before and he just says, what you want me to go to the doctor to get put on some pill...


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## Confused and Exhausted (Sep 18, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> Been with the wife 25 years.
> 
> We went through a 'slow patch' maybe about 5 years after we got married. In retrospect - Im not even sure why, I think most of it was me - which is pretty unbelievable frankly since I am usually the initiator. We might have gone 4-5 months without. I dont remember it ever came to a confrontation - but there were some comments. Eventually, we fell into our regular groove again...between 3-4 times a week typically.
> 
> ...




You've made some really good points. But the additional problem we have is lack of intimacy (not to be confused with sex). I don't feel at all like a priority to him. And he can't use the excuse of the kids because I do all the running for them. Honestly, I have wondered if he is really still "in love" with me. Anytime I ask him he says of course I'm in love with you and I will tell him that I don't feel like he does. His response is, that is a problem with you then, not with me.. It gets so frustrating.


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