# Not sure what to do!



## mitchel (Jan 11, 2016)

I have been married for 3 years and have a 2 year old. My husband and I have had problems from the beginning. I have left him before but went back. We have tried counseling, which works for a little bit. 
Lately, in my marriage I have felt like I have been walking on egg shells. I feel like I can do very little that is up to my husband standards and I never know when he is going to yell at me for doing something wrong. By no means am I perfect either. I did some research and found out that my husband mood swing and temper can be because of him smoking pot. I did not know my husband smoked pot when we were dating. I found out after we were living together that he did it every once in a while. I have left him before for this issue. He gets to the point that he is doing it several time a day. I sometimes feel like he can't be with us without doing it. 
After Christmas I final had enough and asked him to talk. I told him that I felt like I was walking on egg shells and that I think it was because he was smoking. I asked him to quite but as soon as I asked he told me that he would make a decision only if I loses 70 lbs. Which really hurt me. I have gain some weight in our marriage but not 70 lbs. That makes me question if he ever truly love me for me.
After that I told him I need time to think. Over the next couple of days I ask him a few questions which ended up being lies. I am now having a hard time trusting him because I have found out he has lied about some big things in our relationship and he was starting to lie about little things too. 
A couple days later after thinking I told him I did not like the person I was becoming in our relationship and that I did not want my son to think of me or see me this way. I also told him I could not trust him. That we both are unhappy and I feel that we are poison to one another. I told him I don't hate him but that I could not be with him. 
He then told me he did not want a divorce that he would give me time. And that he was going to quit smoking. I did not agree but left and went to my parents. 
During this last week I am second guessing myself. We have other issues in our relationship besides what i have mention. I have talk to friends and they are supportive with whatever i decided. Have I tried everything to keep this relationship? What is best for my son?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

What is most important is that you son has a secure, safe and happy environment to grow in. He needs his caretaker to be safe and strong and happy. When you have kids, their needs comes before your's.

Give it time to see if your husband is really changing. His actions should be the indicator of what he will do. People can say "I will change", until the cows comes home, does not mean they are going to do it.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I'm sorry you're going through it. What questions were they that he lied about? I'm guessing it wasn't "did you buy milk?" But something more serious? Without knowing what he's covering up its hard to give more specific advise on those issues, but I will say this - You're concerned and putting pressure on yourself to have done everything possible to save he marriage, but think about what your 2-year-old is seeing. Kids start being really observant at this age. Unless you want him/her to grow up seeing lying and drug using as acceptable behaviors, make the choice that is right for you AND your son and follow through on your separation. Kids shouldn't be around drugs. Also, he/she is watching your husband say these demeaning things to you about losing weight. That is not a dynamic either of you need. Whether or not you think you need to actually lose weight is sort of irrelevant here. There's a nice way to broach the topic of weight loss with a spouse, and it's from an area of concern and love, not demanding ultimatums about someone else's weight. You don't talk in that disrespectful and cruel way to someone you care about. He is not treating you with any respect and your kid is watching.


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