# Child Custody. not fair



## my-abu (Nov 25, 2013)

Why when it comes to child custody. why the mother is always the one who gets the baby. life is so unfair. she's the one who have an affair. she's the one who broke the family. not me. why she have to take my baby away from me.

imagine this. my baby girl is only 20 months old. since birth im the one who always take care of my baby even when she sleeps. always come to daddy. even our friends noticed when we are out on a friends gathering. she always want me to carry her. i told my wife. she knows that our baby don't want to sleep alone. she always looking for some cuddling. what she wants is she wants our baby to stay with them. i told her you know our baby don't want to sleep alone. what are you going to do. you gonna let her sleep with you and your lover? you know how it will affect me. that my baby and my wife are sleeping with this guy. thia gut is also married and have a daughter. i told her do you think he will let his daughter sleep beside me? 

this guy took away my wife from me. i can't let her be so close to my baby and then one day my baby will be leaving me.

its not fair. she want to be with that guy. then go. leave my baby alone. she don't deserve this. she is too young. i told her let her decide one day. if you want to be happy go. but leave my baby alone.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

The woman does NOT always get the children! Right now I have half custody. I will be getting more. It all depends on how much of a father YOU are. Do you do what is right for you child? Make it a routine. Be the one who does everything and that is what will happen in court.... At least here in MD. MD. is a very liberal state, but they will do what is BEST for the children so be the dad who is doing what is best.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

After speaking to lawyers, it turns out that fathers getting custody is growing. Just gather as much evidence as you can about her parenting and bad morals.

I know I have to like my chances if I get divorced. If all things are equal, the cheating spouse should never get custody. Hello...they cheated! If that alone doesn't speak to their moral character and bad decision making, then I don't know what does.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Something tells me you will get what you want. Your old lady doesn't have a clue and once your kid starts to get in the way of your old ladies new found freedom....you might be seeing your kid alot more then you think.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

IMO, the whole growing trend of fathers getting more 50/50 is due to women who aren't petitioning for full custody or being the custodial parent.

I have joint custody. But it really doesn't mean jack sh*t. All it means is that I have a say in my kids education, where they live, etc. But if there is a dispute, then my x-wife has final say. So what good is it?

And joint custody doesn't mean 50/50. I am the typical every other weekend dad. The only way I'd have gotten 50/50 is if she agreed to it. If she didn't, then she gets to be the custodial parent.
Only way to get custody or become the custodial parent if you are a man is to get the x-wife to agree to it, or have something on her like drug use, abuse of the children, and neglect.

And to me, having an affair should be considered neglect. But it isn't. Cheating does not come into play with regards to custody. Apparently the courts can't deem someone unfit for cheating, or that doesn't play into what is best for the child.

If you look at anyone who got 50/50, you can better believe its either because the mother has a skeleton in her closet, or she agreed to 50/50. And even then, the father can be made to pay child support under 50/50. Nice huh?

My attorney told me having balls isn't always a good thing, and having them puts me already at 2 strikes to become the custodial parent.

my-abu, its sucks, I know. You aren't alone. Welcome to the world of loving fathers getting screwed. And women wonder why men don't want to get married.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

the guy said:


> Something tells me you will get what you want. Your old lady doesn't have a clue and once your kid starts to get in the way of your old ladies new found freedom....you might be seeing your kid alot more then you think.


I wouldn't bet on it. I know my kids are in the way of my wife's newfound freedom. She is remarried, but I'm sure she'd rather not be tied down to making dinner and never getting to go out as much with her new husband as she likes.

But that child support money trumps any need to be free.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

It's never been fair and although better now it never will

It's biology and nothing will prevent people thinking a woman rears children better than a man in theory

Reality especially in the modern world is very different.

Here in the UK its better but not ever equal

Here is a recent example of my own case 

Upon the onset of the separation (20 months ago) I was given a custody schedule (my 4 days her 3) by stbxw she said "as you have been the better parent you have always been there for them" "I'm grateful you are not making me fight in court for any access"

Kids were 'happy' with it as they can be

She sought sale of the house - upon seeing a lawyer suddenly it was (to her from lawyer) "if you dont get better access custody you have no shout at the property"

It went to court - The children strongly wanted no change to the then agreement and were prepared to go to court to say so with a welfare officers backing. They were of permissible age to have their opinion aired in court 

Amid floods of tears and "unable to have a relationship with her children as she was their mother" etc etc the judge pronounced 
"I don't think the opinion of these children in this case will be relevant"

Wam bam thank you maam.

I was told by my lawyer one month before we had a solid case unless we were unlucky to get a particular judge who has a habit of not listening to anything or anyone 

Guess what !!

What a system eh. All the expertise, the logic, the truth, not to mention the cost and when faced by some judge looking at a an attractive tearful mother - straight in the trash can - the whole lot - children's lives, who he'd never even met or seen, even though told by welfare they were happy to have their opinion aired in a court of law and he did;nt want to know 

Brilliant


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

I am sorry that you are going trough this, I have no advice to you regarding custody, I just wanted to share what I once Read some time ago a father in your position was doing.

record yourself in video about your feelings and experiences through this, your deseperation, your pain, your situation and how is so unfair to you, tell the camera what you just wrote here let your feelings be recorded all the actions you do now for here, how much you care for here, how yours wife selfishness is taking her away from you, how she is your daddy's little girl, do it as if she was listening to you in the future, every intent to have her at your side legally document it a describe it in the video, every time you try to negotiate with your wife about custody record it with VAR and later describe it in the video.

even in the case she gets more custody time than you, keep recording like a video diary, so when the day come when she can finally decide where she is gonna stay by her own choice you can handle that video to her and despite any lie or manipulation your wife could try to putting in her mind hours of his father love, care, pain and real feelings for here will shatter any words you STBXW could say in some minutes.


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## downfall69 (Sep 23, 2012)

i won custody of my 2 boys. when i left she kept the boys but it did not go well the kids got in the way of her dating she started to neglect the kids for her relationships so i asked her to give me the kids full time.
she refused because she didn't want to lose the child support so i took her to court.
court was hard work (no fun at all) i had to prove everything i said and more. in the end i got custody 100%.

if she is a good mother and does everything she is suppose to do you real don't have a chance of getting full custody but if she is a bad mother like my ex is you have a good chance. just remember to save all text's e-mail's keep a journal of everything don't give up hope


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Get a good attorney and do your homework. Father custody is now at 10% and growing.

It is all about what is best for the children. Number one is safety. The attorney should have a PI with the firm. A man who cheats with a married woman tends not be a good person.

Background checks on the OM are a must as well as the WW dating history. 

Women rarely abuse children but often lack the judgment in who they bring home and introduce to the children.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I've spoken to a couple of attorneys and apparently in my state, it usually goes the mother's way. It is a very conservative state. The standard is wednesday night and every other weekend for the father. I went through a separation a couple of years back and I agreed to that schedule just for the separation. It wasn't until then that I noticed how many father-daughters/sons we sat close to when we went out to eat on those wednesday nights. I still notice this on Wednesday nights. We have reconciled but I am almost certain we will divorce. My best shot at something resembling equal custody is to get her to agree to it ahead of time. She will fight me on that and my only appeal will be that my girls need their father more often than 8 days a month ... it is in their best interest. Not sure it can be done. She is a great mom and a responsible person so I'm not sure even the best lawyer could win equal custody in this state under those circumstances.

I am going to figure out some arrangement if she should get into another relationship. I have little doubt she will be in a better position to start dating than I will. Maybe agree that she doesn't introduce him into their lives until at least X months into their relationship? He can't live at the same place for 1 year after the start of the relationship? I don't know what is reasonable. What I don't want is for them to be introduced too quickly to new men or have a revolving door of men enter their lives. That would be too much instability for them and while I trust that she wouldn't knowingly introduce somebody who might be a negative figure in their lives, you never know. I don't know ... something I have to think through.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I have 50-50 and I will be getting more. If you want something you go out and take it and you make it happen. I live in Maryland. It doesn't get more pro woman that that.

You have to establish a pattern. You have to establish the right pattern. 

During our separation and really right after DDay, I got up and I made the boys breakfast every day. I was the one who took them to school. I was the one who took them to practice. I made damn sure I did it, because when it came down to it, I established the pattern that I was every much as involved in their lives if not more than their mother.

Yes I was the one working the full time job and I did it all, but I'd be damned if I was going to give my kids away. There is no way. If you establish you will only be getting Wednesdays, well guess what, you painted yourself into that.

Do not argue what you deserve, take what you deserve then show that is what the kids are used to.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Here, let me give you an example... I have my kids M-T and every other weekend.

So let's say you will have your kids W-Thurs and every other weekend i.e. F-S-Sun

Wednesday, you have a routine, Thursday do a new routine. Teach your daughters how to cook for breakfast

Teach one how to make dippy eggs, freed egg sandwiches, pancakes with cinnamon and vanilla. Make this your routing on Thursday mornings and every other Friday as well.

Thursday night is project night... Build doll houses out of popsickle sticks, teach them magic tricks with cards, take them to see a museum. Make it a habit that they are with you that day. Show a pattern and the pattern will become what is reality.

Dday happened.... I was like F- that. I made a pattern and I established it and it became 50-50. I spend so much time with my kids simply because I love to. We do cool stuff together.

They made:
Banana Split Cake
Bacon Wrapped Shrimp
Baked Salmon
Fried Talapia
We learned how to cook Asparagus
We make cupcakes for events, cakes

We build models and mini weapons of mass destruction.

Don't sit back and let the system work you. Step up and show how involved you are in their lives SIMPLY because you are so involved in their lives. Don't complain... just do it. The judge will not cut you out of their life if you are actively involved in being with them.

If you are just a provider, then you can do that and still see your kids 8 days a month. The point is don't watch life pass you by. Jump in and grab a hold of it and enjoy the ride,


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

vellocet said:


> IMO, the whole growing trend of fathers getting more 50/50 is due to women who aren't petitioning for full custody or being the custodial parent.
> 
> I have joint custody. But it really doesn't mean jack sh*t. All it means is that I have a say in my kids education, where they live, etc. But if there is a dispute, then my x-wife has final say. So what good is it?
> 
> ...


Umm, what does getting married have to do with getting custody of your kids? So if you don't get married you'll get to see your kids more? I would think that would make it much harder for you to get custody.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

Because we live in a feminist ****** country filled with screaming harpies who are supported only by other screaming harpies and their beta **** men. 

This exists only because of the notion that things such as "the constitution" and "the bill of rights" are actual things, and not flimsy ideas that are subject to change imposed by the sovereign might of reality. 

We stand now at the precipice of disaster. And when that happens feminism will be gone. It will vanish literally in a fvcking second because feminists will realize that they need men to protect them, because their philosophy is predicated, built upon things that don't exist. Law. Security. Fines, alimony. These are nothing but words. My fist in someone's face, my **** in a woman- these are realities. When politics and procedure melt, as history clearly shows they do, only reality remains.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

I am a father with 50/50 parenting time and am the Primary Legal and Residential Custodian of my daughter. On my ex's side of things there was no entry of mental illness/instability, criminal activity or drug use. So no obvious slants. I was Pro Se during my cases for Separation, Temporary Custody, Divorce and Custody Finalization.

I made my case based no documented proof of parenting and being the primary care-giver. Involvement in my daughter's activities and the community. Highly engaged at the school and known by all the teachers and other staff. I was the one to make the regular doctor's visits and was known to the staff there as well. I was able to demonstrated that during the process of our separation and divorce that I had made every effort to co-parent in as much of a non-conflict manner as possible. I stayed on topic and brief with the judge. I was respectful in and to the court. 

Infidelity does not correlate to being a bad parent and bears no significance. 

Too often, people stand before the judge and try to make a case and fail to stay on their topic and relevant. They let emotion rule their line of though. That's an easy fail.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

vellocet said:


> And to me, having an affair should be considered neglect. But it isn't. Cheating does not come into play with regards to custody. Apparently the courts can't deem someone unfit for cheating, or that doesn't play into what is best for the child.


I'm curious. How does an affair constitute "neglect" of the child(ren)?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Umm, what does getting married have to do with getting custody of your kids? So if you don't get married you'll get to see your kids more? I would think that would make it much harder for you to get custody.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, the point is, having kids is one reason most people get married. Saying no wonder a lot of men don't want to get married is a testament to not wanting to deal with the unfair practices in the event of divorce, whether it be finances, custody, whatever.

Not saying that having kids out of wedlock is a better deal. Just more men are seeing the unfairness of it all, and getting married and wanting to have kids the right way doesn't end up boding well for a lot of fathers where the wife steps out on him and basically turns him into an every other weekend dad.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Malpheous said:


> I'm curious. How does an affair constitute "neglect" of the child(ren)?


Because the cheater didn't give 2 shytes enough about the welfare of their children to risk throwing their lives in turmoil. That and most of the time the cheating spouse is spending time away from their kids so they can f*** someone other than the kids' other parent. My wife had me stay at home with our kids so she could go out and screw other men because she knew I'd basically be trapped at home with no way to police her if I got suspicious. I call that neglect. Going out and partying with the intent to cheat and do something detrimental to the children's well being. I think that should be clear enough.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

vellocet said:


> Because the cheater didn't give 2 shytes enough about the welfare of their children to risk throwing their lives in turmoil. That and most of the time the cheating spouse is spending time away from their kids so they can f*** someone other than the kids' other parent. My wife had me stay at home with our kids so she could go out and screw other men because she knew I'd basically be trapped at home with no way to police her if I got suspicious. I call that neglect. Going out and partying with the intent to cheat and do something detrimental to the children's well being. I think that should be clear enough.


Quoted for the truth!! You can't be in two places at the same time and if you are then it is definitely neglect/ mistreatment of the child. When the WS chooses the AP over their family that is neglect. Many will claim that they didn't take time away from their family, but when they look back the time they were planning and executing the rendezvous were the same time they should have been with their family, so they were neglecting them if not in body in mind.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> Many will claim that they didn't take time away from their family, but when they look back the time they were planning and executing the rendezvous were the same time they should have been with their family, so they were neglecting them if not in body in mind.


Yes, this too. Those that think they didn't neglect their family because they might have only ever been with their AP over lunch hours, or during work hours STILL neglect their children. How? They neglected their kids' welfare and neglected their duty to their children as a parent. They are still neglecting their needs. And that is the need to have a stable family life. Not one where a parent risks their needs so they can orgasm with someone else.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

DarkHoly said:


> Because we live in a feminist ****** country filled with screaming harpies who are supported only by other screaming harpies and their beta **** men.
> 
> This exists only because of the notion that things such as "the constitution" and "the bill of rights" are actual things, and not flimsy ideas that are subject to change imposed by the sovereign might of reality.
> 
> We stand now at the precipice of disaster. And when that happens feminism will be gone. It will vanish literally in a fvcking second because feminists will realize that they need men to protect them, because their philosophy is predicated, built upon things that don't exist. Law. Security. Fines, alimony. These are nothing but words. My fist in someone's face, my **** in a woman- these are realities. When politics and procedure melt, as history clearly shows they do, only reality remains.


Fk me :scratchhead:

I think you are on the wrong website mate


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