# Best book to develop couple intimacy and healthier sex life?



## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

Looking for critically lauded and psychologically informed books/videos suggestions to improve intimacy and spice up our long married couple's sex life?

Thanks!


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

The Five Love Languages is a good one.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

_His Needs, Her Needs _and _Lovebusters_, both by Willard Harley.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

My favorite author on the subject... David Schnarch

Emotional Commitment and Great Sex - with David Schnarch, Ph.D.

Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship

Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships

(Yes, he does address the age old discussion of LD/HD couples.)

Best


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

50 Shades of Grey.

Oh wait, you said critically lauded. I read that as critically laughed at.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

His Needs Her Needs and 5 Love Languages are both excellent books, but don't get too mired down in there ONLY being 5 or 10 needs or languages. Take the concepts for what they're worth and find your spouse's needs without trying to shoehorn them into what the book defines them as.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

A word to the wise! If you are having problems in your relationship (that you may not even be aware of), it is not fair to use sex as the focal point of determining the quality of your relationship. Here is how this might play out in a purely hypothetical situation:

Husband does NOT listen to wife's issues she is having with the mother in law encroaching too much into her personal finances. Without consulting the wife, the husband got his mom to file taxes for him and wife and this has resulted in very harsh criticism over your family budget that has been gossiped to all your friends and family.

Husband notices frequency of sex declines but fails to attribute problems to the eroding trust and communication in his marriage.

Husband buys book on improving the quality of sex recommended by strangers on the "internet."

Wife sees book arrive via Amazon and tells husband to go enjoy the book all by himself!​
Other than that, Good luck with your books! Let us know how it goes?

Badsanta


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

"Ladies how do I tell my wife her bjs are boring?"

"My sex needs are feeling stiffled by her
boring and largely uninspired approach."

"I think your participation during that doggie style was far less pleasurable than my last masturbation session." 

"So, all you sensitive women: how do encourage her to drop another 30 pounds and increase her exercise intensity? or, should I just leave it alone and love her for who she, which I do btw, and hope for the best."



_After reading all of these other comments you have made in previous posts, I think you need more than a book, Sorry!_


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

L.M.COYL said:


> Looking for critically lauded and psychologically informed books/videos suggestions to improve intimacy and spice up our long married couple's sex life?
> 
> Thanks!


You have gotten a lot of good suggestions, but I want to raise a different point.

Improve intimacy does not equal a spiced up sex life. They are different, but inter-related things. 

As far as improved intimacy, I would say Dr. D Schnarch is your go to guy. Unfortunately, many people who take the time to wade through Schnarch's books find that intimacy to terrifying. It requires you to really open yourself up and become vulnerable. Schnarch has some great exercises designed to stretch and grow you and your spouse as a couple to gain greater intimacy.......it is just that not many folks can or want to do them.

I would also say that Chapman and Harley are great at building compatibility and a feeling of closeness and intimacy, without the same level of opening yourself up.

A spicy sex life........well that is something totally different. It all depends on what is the problem. In my case I have a LD wife, who has "good girls don't" and "body self image issues." I could show her all the educational video's in the world and it would make very little differences on her. Inspite of her issues, she has learned to master two sex positions missionary and cow-girl and is able to do them very well to keep me happy. With my wife, doggy style, BJ's, DATY and what you might not every consider spicy are out of the question. 

So if you find a book or video on how to gain a spicy sex life despite one spoused hang-ups or in her opinion core values, let all of us at TAM know. I have worked on building her self image, we have worked with a sex therapist, we have done all kinds of things, but I doubt the sex life between my wife and me will ever be "spicy." Still we make each other very happy even after nearly 44 years of marriage.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Brandy905 said:


> "Ladies how do I tell my wife her bjs are boring?"
> 
> "My sex needs are feeling stiffled by her
> boring and largely uninspired approach."
> ...


:iagree:

Well said. The mind is the biggest sex organ in the human body and those two don't have a meeting of the minds when their bodies meet. 

P.S. He should just leave it alone and love her for who she is. He should find value and appreciate what she can give and encourage her to do what she feels comfortable with and celibrate his glass as half full and not half empty.


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

Some thoroughly enlightening words and responses that are much appreciated.
Indeed, progress in relationships takes time and work, both individually and collectively. 
Honesty, love, respect, trust, wellness and passion are preconditions for woring towards and creating a relationship foundation for the future-I see the truth of it, while intimacy (in all its forms) will follow.
Truly, sometimes it is not the answers so much as the questions.


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Me-Tight...&qid=1429806193&sr=8-1&keywords=hold+me+tight

Every other good thing flows out of that connection.


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