# He told me today...he wants to divorce



## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

I have talked on this forum about several issues regarding my marriage...from issues with in-laws living off us to lack of sex to my husband telling me to lose weight. All the hard work I have done has been in vain because today, because of a stupid fight, he wants to divorce. This is what happened today...

We had an appointment for noon at H&R block to do our taxes. I asked him Wednesday when I was trying to set an appointment, if this time was good for him. I was lucky to get an appointment this weekend at all. Most times were already taken. Well, at 11:00 I am ready to go, I tell him we need to leave at 11:30 to get there in time because it is in the next town over. 11:30 comes and he is still in pajamas and talking to his brother on the phone while on the computer. He pushes me out of the room when I tell him its 11:30 and we need to go. He still talks on the phone. I go downstairs and get everything ready for him. Take out his shoes, get his keys, open the garage door, unlock the car...in the name of speeding things along. However the minutes tick by and he is still half-dressed, on the phone and computer...so I stomp up the stairs and say, "We gotta go!" He tells me something I can't remember, something like shut up, don't be *****y. I just remember it made me mad so I threw his keys on the floor and went out to the car. I am still waiting, I come back inside and he's on the patio on the computer...I say come on lets go. He says, you go do your own taxes, leave mine here. I say, no we gotta go together (for obvious reasons)...he says no. I start to walk outside to talk to him, he says get away, I say something about we need this appointment can we just talk and go. He gets up from his chair and starts to push me out of the doorway. I say, hey stop lets talk, he says I don't want to talk and pushes me. I say stop he then takes me by the throat and pushes me into the back yard (I had been inside the doorway). I say stop again, he still has me by the throat. I see he isn't simply trying to get me out of his way, at this point I am in the back yard! He no longer needs to have hold of me if his mission is to get me out of the doorway...so I start trying to push him off me. he just grips me and in my pushing at him, I grab his shirt and rip it. This is when he lets go of me to look at his shirt. 

He storms upstairs to sit in our room. He says "I can't deal with this s** anymore" We fight every day about the same thing" I am baffled because I cannot remember the last time we fought about anything! It was sometime last year!!! I point this out, he says "I want to live without drama, I want to do what I want, everytime we fight its the same way" I say, yeah, because we are the same two people as always our reactions are going to be the same. He says that everything he tells me goes in one ear and out the other. I tell him that I take everything he says to heart, that his words mean a lot to me (this is the truth). So he gets to say his peace and then says he wants a divorce. Then he says "Have whatever you want I'm done. I just shut you out of the bank account. You can take the money from savings. I'm done." I say, "this isn't fair I am not getting to say my side to any of this. Don't you understand that I hate to be late and I set this specific time and date so you wouldn't be late? And why can't we fight fair, why can't this fight be about an appointment and why does it have to turn to divorce?? And you know how I hate to be late, then why wouldn't you take my feelings into consideration and be on time. I don't ask anything of you except to be there when I need you."

I am crying and hurt, but for the first time I am realizing that I am not going to miss him. I am going to miss our life together and being married to someone...but not him. Oh God, please help me. What do I do now?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

What do you do now? Well, let me tell you....press charges!! He physically assaulted you and could have killed you. Grabbing you by the throat is an EXTREME act of aggression and this will be the starting point if you continue to stay with this worthless piece of crap. I had the EXACT same thing happen nearly 20 years ago with a live in bf. Call the police, file a report, get out of there and get a RO. 
He wants a divorce? Let him. He isn't worth the ink on the papers. A life together with a man who abuses you isn't a life at all, it is a nightmare and one that you need to wake up from. This bum is a loser and an abuser and it will only get worse. These lowest forms of life NEVER change, trust me. Never, ever, ever. 
In laws sponging off of you, husband ridiculing your weight, physical abuse. He sounds like a gem. Toss him out like yesterdays garbage and hold your head up high, hun. You are worth so so so much more.


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

Thank you. I needed to hear that. Its so strange...when it was happening all I could think was that I need to call the police. Then after it was over I didn't because I thought, I won't have a place to sleep tonight. When it comes down to it, everything we have together he can take away from me. He tells me I can have the house, but he knows I can't afford it on my own. And once he walks out the door, I know I won't ever see him again. I'm trying to get out of this with the least financial damage on my part. When it comes down to it, that is all I can do for myself. He does not take any ownership of his actions in leading up to the fight. He actually had the gall to call me crazy for tearing his shirt. I said, you were choking me! He just says again that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. This whole marriage was a mistake, I started dating him at 18 and married him at 20. I loved him, no maybe just the idea of him, so much that I've put aside all his shortcomings and listened to him say its all because of me. Even now, sitting alone I keep thinking...if I had just shut up and let us be late, this wouldn't have happened...I'm thinking what does it matter if other people get upset with us if were late, at least my husband won't be upset with me....dear Lord I need help. I now realize that our whole marriage has been me conceding to whatever he wants, like a mother and child. I just thank God that we don't have kids. and that I am not pregnant, I know that for a fact bc he refuses to have sex with me half the time and we haven't been together since valentines day....

I am so torn, I don't want to be a failure at marriage but I don't want to be with him anymore...I can't even say I truly love him or anything about being married to him except our house...What do I do about the bank account? A divorce? should I just let him file?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Yep, file charges. Protect yourself. You can worry about the marriage later. This is the first order of business.

He already shut you out of the bank account and had made up his mind some time before he wanted out. He never had any intention of doing taxes together, either. 

By the way, by shutting you out of the bank account, he may have broken the law. Although men often recommend (on this site) to do things like this, it isn't legal and can be considered abandonment. ALL the family resources are considered to belong equally to both of you until divorced or legally separated. You have a right to 50% of his earnings and he has a right to 50% of yours.


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

I feel so done with him, but I went upstairs to talk to him about what we do next. I asked if this is what he really wants, he hesitated and said yes, if thats what it takes for this to stop. I'm guessing he meant fighting with me, but we don't fight often...a lot of this is in his own head. I am such an idiot that I was actually clinging to hope that he'd say no and sorry when he hesitated. But I cannot recall a time where he has said sorry to me. He has said in the past, yeah I probably shouldn't have done that, but never apologizes for it. Never cares about my hurt. Only wants me to shut up and be a figure in his life, not a human who loves and needs love in return...When I was upstairs talking to him he didn't really have an idea of what he wanted to do. What step to take next. I said we should separate for a while because divorce doesn't happen in a day, its a lot for me to take in. He said yeah, okay whatever it takes. I believe you are right, he checked out of this marriage a long time ago. He told me once last year that the reason he withholds sex from me is that he is bored. He said if it weren't for me he could have been with several other women. I said, if you are bored, we should switch things up, do something different. He never did, if I don't initiate sex we won't have sex. If I don't do something to make things better, nothing will get done. I am seeing how one-sided my marriage has been. How its just me doing all the work, no wonder when I tried to have a heartfelt talk with him last year about why I get upset at him sometimes when I don't feel he is helping me or doing his part around the house he didn't start helping. He wants things to be good without any work. He thinks that he can find a woman who will go with his every whim, who will make a happy marriage for him without any work on his part. There are no tears, no regret or sadness in his eyes. After we talked, he got a phone call from some woman whose voice I didn't recognize (he had the phone really loud, or maybe it was on speaker phone, I'm not sure but I could hear it clearly from across the room) She said something like, do you wanna hang out today? He said no, she said why, he said I've got issues today. She said, Oh, the wife? He said yeah. She said Welcome to the real world man, you can hang out over here today if you want to get away. He said okay and hung up. I left the room without a word or look at him. Went to the bathroom to clean my face and came downstairs. I thought, ugh this is exhausting. I should just go see a movie or something to get my mind calm. As I'm looking up movie times about to leave myself, he comes downstairs without a look at me and is out the door. He leaves, I'm sure to go over to only he knows where. Since I said we should do a separation first he will probably sleep with whoever that woman was. He has wanted all this all along, I just didn't want to believe that this is who he is. What a pig. He even beat me to the punch in walking out the door. I get no satisfaction from anything in our marriage. 
I need love and support....our social life consists of his family and our mutual friends. He refuses to hang out with any of my friends so those relationships have become very distant over the years. He then makes fun of me for having no friends. Everyone we know here will believe him when he says it was my fault, that I drove him away. I will be the one with the chip on my shoulder. Please someone tell me again and again to wake up out of this haze, I feel like I can't.


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

Why on earth are you even considering salvaging a marriage with this d*%chebag? I agree with the previous posters, this man is human garbage and you should have pressed charges for assault TODAY. He is physically, emotionally and verbally abusive and YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM. You are wasting a lot of time analyzing a person who will never change and has no desire too. The fact that he's putting another woman in your face is disgusting and shows his extreme cruelty. Get out now and save yourself. He will go on to treat another woman (or several women) the same way, but ultimately he will end up a nasty old man living alone and rotting in his own filth someday. Good riddance!


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

Also, please realize that he's destroyed your self esteem. His ridiculing you for not having friends and criticizing your weight, etc., are all forms of abuse. If he can make you feel bad about yourself then he controls you. The funny thing is, guys like this who belittle women and make them feel unattractive are often disgusting physical specimens themselves....balding, big fat beer bellies, nostril hair. Take a good, hard look at Mr. Casanova who is bored by you sexually but thinks he can bag any woman he wants. He's probably a pig. The sad reality is that abusers loathe themselves deep down and know that they're losers, which is why he needs a victim like you.

Start seeing him for what he is and you will see through the haze.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Please look up the behaviors of abusers. He has all the key signs--physical, verbal, and emotional abuse, and he has isolated you. You are absolutely right that he will continue to try to find a woman who will satisfy his every whim and make NO demands on him. We all know that won't happen--and he will never be happy. But, you deserve so much better. Yours is really a case where the adage applies, "Living well is the best revenge." Get counseling to deal with your self-esteem (no one with decent self-esteem would have tolerated his bull*hit for even one minute). You will be vulnerable to another abuser until you learn to value yourself so highly that you won't take s*hit from anyone, and you will RECOGNIZE the difference between loving conflict (the stuff you should work through) and b.s. that you should walk--no, run--away from.


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

Yesterday after he left, I went ahead to the movies to just clear my head. I cried driving there & then after I went to see my sister. I talked w her & balled my eyes out again. She said I could stay with her as a roomie & split the rent. It would help both of us. I'm letting him have the house bc I can't afford it on my own & he can. Last nite he called me to ask if I fed his dog. Then when I got home he was asleep or maybe pretending to be asleep (he's never in bed that early) to avoid me. I said nothing to him at all & showered then went to sleep in the guest bedroom. This morning, as always, I woke & left before him. If he asked me to stay, I'm scared I might day yes, but I don't think he will ask me to stay or for forgiveness, he believes this is all me. That I make his life a living hell. Thinking back I see that he views women as objects & a wife as an accessory. I'm not a part of his life, his heart. He doesn't even know how to love. That is why he never let's me speak my mind, why he continually tells me I am not part of his family so keep my mouth shut. I built our life together, to make him happy. & I think I was happy with what I did. He isn't. I got this house for us bc he complained ab living in our apt. Since we've had the house he complaines it's too small. It's 2 story w 4 bedrooms! Now I'm losing all I did.... I have to start over. I will no longer be a wife, aunt, sister in law. Gone. This morn I went to our bank & took the $ from savings he said I could have. Then at lunch I opened up a new acct @ a diff bank. Now I gotta move, get divorced..... Whats the next step? What if I never find another man? Worse, what if I fall into another just like him, just like my dad? Where can I go to get cheap counseling & how do I even file for divorce??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Unless he is Brad Pitt circa 10 years ago, with your husband's ****ty attitude and abusive nature, the only "dates" he can expect are with his hand. Tell him to get lost. YOU file, don't leave this up to him. He's already shown himself to not be responsible for anything so if you wait for him, you just allow yourself to further be abused by this parasite.
Contact Legal Aid. They can help you.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Myopia1964 said:


> Why on earth are you even considering salvaging a marriage with this d*%chebag?


For the record, Myopia, I love you.


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

We talked last night & spoke on several issues. He told me that I need to work on myself & that when I yell he shuts my voice out & can't take it. And that he doesn't like to feel like someone is blocking him or cornering him. Those are valid issues. I then pointed out his part in the argument & he still stands with that I was just being impatient & that he wasn't really late. He kept telling the story with extra words put in. He said he told me to give him 5 mins, hr never said that (btw he wasn't ready till 15 till). What really happened is he pushed me out of the bedroom & shut the door in my face while continuing w the phone & computer. Then brought up the last part of the argument where he choked me....he had nothing to say except that I shouldn't yell. He has not apologized for choking me or asked how I am. We talked for over 30 mins last nite. Nothing, no remorse. The only reason he talked to me is bc his brother called him to give him marriage advice. (I had told my sil, his wife, that my husband wants to divorce so I can't make the get-together this wk-end. She told her hubby & he thus calls my husband while I was @ work ) I know they are only trying to help but.... When I talked to my sil yesterday she said that her hubby, my husbands brother, has gotten physical with her several times & she sees it as a total loss of control & they are in counseling. She said she is also on her own counseling bc her hubby says she needs to find interests outside the marriage, basically like what my husband tells me ab having no friends. Her only advice to me was to give it a trial separation then make a decision. She said she packed all her things once & on the day of her move, he cried and begged her to stay. She did & now they have two kids together. How would she even leave now? I mean I slept at my sisters last nite & it hurt to leave my dog & cat behind @ the house. How the h could I ever leave if we had kids together??! Is now the right time to strike out? My sil's other advice was to sleep on the guest room from now on & make sure to lock the door. WTF? I never knew this was going on between them, and this is what she feels she has to do in her own house, I don't wanna live like that. It's not comfort or happiness...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

quirky_girl said:


> We talked last night & spoke on several issues. He told me that I need to work on myself & that when I yell he shuts my voice out & can't take it. And that he doesn't like to feel like someone is blocking him or cornering him. Those are valid issues. I then pointed out his part in the argument & he still stands with that I was just being impatient & that he wasn't really late. He kept telling the story with extra words put in. He said he told me to give him 5 mins, hr never said that (btw he wasn't ready till 15 till). What really happened is he pushed me out of the bedroom & shut the door in my face while continuing w the phone & computer. Then brought up the last part of the argument where he choked me....he had nothing to say except that I shouldn't yell. He has not apologized for choking me or asked how I am. We talked for over 30 mins last nite. Nothing, no remorse. The only reason he talked to me is bc his brother called him to give him marriage advice. (I had told my sil, his wife, that my husband wants to divorce so I can't make the get-together this wk-end. She told her hubby & he thus calls my husband while I was @ work ) I know they are only trying to help but.... When I talked to my sil yesterday she said that her hubby, my husbands brother, has gotten physical with her several times & she sees it as a total loss of control & they are in counseling. She said she is also on her own counseling bc her hubby says she needs to find interests outside the marriage, basically like what my husband tells me ab having no friends. Her only advice to me was to give it a trial separation then make a decision. She said she packed all her things once & on the day of her move, he cried and begged her to stay. She did & now they have two kids together. How would she even leave now? I mean I slept at my sisters last nite & it hurt to leave my dog & cat behind @ the house. How the h could I ever leave if we had kids together??! Is now the right time to strike out? My sil's other advice was to sleep on the guest room from now on & make sure to lock the door. WTF? I never knew this was going on between them, and this is what she feels she has to do in her own house, I don't wanna live like that. It's not comfort or happiness...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Quirky,

Do you see what he is doing here? He is putting it all back on you...YOU are the problem, not him. In addition to refusing to apologize, he is also twisting reality and making you question your perception of how things happened. You are trying to have a sane, adult conversation and take responsibility for your actions. You are assuming that your interaction with him will take the form that most adult interactions do...with some give and take and acknowledgment of the other person's POV, but this is not a sane conversation and this is not a sane man. There will be no give and take and there will only be you trying to accommodate his needs once again. There is no point in trying to make this man see reason or in trying to get him to understand your point of view or apologize. He simply won't do it because this is how he controls you, and it works, so why change? It also appears that abuse is a family trait too if his brother is doing the same thing, even down to the crying and begging her to come back. They must have learned this in childhood. 

I know it looks very dark and hopeless right now, but you will get through this and you will be amazed at how happy you can be again once you are on your own.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

So let me just make sure I understand correctly here---

Shoving, choking and slamming doors in your face is perfectly justified and not even worth a token apology.

*BUT* if you simply raise your voice, he "can't take it" and "need to work on yourself" and so he therefore has every good reason in the world to shove, choke and slam doors in your face?

Oh, and in fact, this is such a normal response that his brother does it too?

Huh. 

Okay. 

Yeah. 

Sure sounds like a marriage to fight for. 
_(yes, that would be absolute, dripping sarcasm!)_

And you're absolutely right, sleeping in a locked guest room every night is no way to live and you should absolutely run far away before you have kids and are tied to him in at least some way forever!


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

One other thing...I rarely mention this but I was in a physically abusive relationship a few years ago. I am an educated, independent woman, so I never thought it would happen to me but it did. This man was a PhD and a professor at a respected medical school (abuse crosses all class boundaries) and he was extremely smart and gifted. He was charming and interesting and I was sucked into his seductive lifestyle, but he ended up being really horrible to me...cheating, lying, cruelty, etc. Whenever I confronted him about his treatment of me he would tell me I was confronting or "cornering" him, and he would lose it and shove me around or slam me up against the wall. Once he spit in my face. I still can't believe I stayed even after these things happened but I did. The final straw was when I questioned him about his wheareabouts with another woman. He became enraged, went downstairs, loaded a pistol and held to to my head as I was down on my knees begging. He said, "I should just put a bullet through your head and a bullet through mine." He the shoved me out the front door and kicked me. 

Believe it or not, I spoke to this guy a year or so later and during our conversation I reminded him why I left. His response....the gun incident had never happened, but wait maybe he did pick up a gun and just try to scare me a little. I was floored at this distortion of reality. I never spoke with him again. 

You have to realize the way these guys mess with your head and the entitlement they feel.


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

I forgot to add...one night he shoved me up against the wall, tried to choke me. and broke the phone. When I called the cops, he suddenly became calm, articulate, and the picture of sanity. He told the cops that we'd just had a "disagreement." One of the officers pulled me aside and told me to leave...that he had seen it a million times and it would only get worse. I didn't listen and he was right. You should pay attention to what the posters are telling you and leave.


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

I am so very sorry Myopia1964 for what happened to you with that scum. Thank you for sharing that with me. I needed to hear it. The split second attitude change is something I see often. He doesn't want to be "embarrassed" so he acts like things are fine or makes me out to be a total hag. I keep wanting to stay in this lifestyle, thinking "hey if I'm going to be alone and without intimacy, then I might as well stay in this marriage and in my house bc that is what we are" how insane is it for me to think that way. why is it hard to let go? why do I feel guilty for leaving him? when he is the one who brought up divorce? He does not want me here. I just need to keep saying that to myself till it sinks in. I keep picturing his face as he was choking me...that is a face I never want to sleep with again. Yet I've seen that face before and still loved it. This time it felt almost like he enjoyed "punishing" me. This is the most violent act he has ever done to me. He has pushed me away, pushed me to the floor, grabbed my hands and fingers so hard I thought he was trying to break them. I never thought of this as abuse before, I think because one time in our first year of marriage, I slapped him and after that I thought it was me who introduced violence so I need to deal with it. ... When our niece lived with us, if she upset him by touching one of his electronics or the phone, he would hit her with that item. Yesterday, ironically while we were talking, our dog went up to him and was licking his hands, so he hit him in the head with a keyboard. ????

He is giving me the silent treatment today, like I am not here. He slammed the door to his bedroom (our old bedroom) when he saw me sitting here typing (there is no way for him to know what I'm typing about.) Why the h am I here right now? My sister asked me to stay at her place tonight but I opted to come here and stay in the guest room. I think I must just miss my pets cause it certainly isn't him I'm missing.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Okay, please understand that I am entirely sympathetic to you, but....

HE HIT YOUR DOG WITH A KEYBOARD FOR LICKING HIS HAND???!!!??

Look, you have a choice to be there.

You can leave the house. You can leave the room. You can lock the door. Your dog just lives for the love of the people around him and is completely blindsided when ... bipeds....NOT people...like him strike out.

Let's see. Would you like me to tell you about the homocidal triad? That's what we see in abused children that almost always indicates sociopathy as adults. It's animal abuse, bedwetting and firesetting. 

Do you know the cycle of domestic violence? Here's a link: The Cycle of Domestic Violence? 

What about profiles of abusers? Psych-Net Mental Health, Profiles of Abuse

Seriously....to me it's frustrating enough when women don't see what's going on...but your dog??? And that's okay???

(Okay, I'm a little wound up tonight anyway, but that just torques me off....)


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Get the [email protected] out!!!!!!!!!!! He is WORTHLESS AND AN ABUSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why do you want this asswipe? Why? Just why?
Screw the dog (that in of itself is horrible) but he hit your niece for touching his electronics?!?!?!? Do you have ANY idea where that keyboard would be if somebody did that in my presence? He would be crapping keys for months!!!!!!
This guy is a loser and bum and on top of that a psycho. Walk out the front door and never look back. Go to your parents, friends, anybody whom you trust. File an RO against him and leave him in the dust. He is no good for you, trust me....I have been there. They NEVER EVER CHANGE.


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

quirky_girl said:


> I am so very sorry Myopia1964 for what happened to you with that scum. Thank you for sharing that with me. I needed to hear it. The split second attitude change is something I see often. He doesn't want to be "embarrassed" so he acts like things are fine or makes me out to be a total hag. I keep wanting to stay in this lifestyle, thinking "hey if I'm going to be alone and without intimacy, then I might as well stay in this marriage and in my house bc that is what we are" how insane is it for me to think that way. why is it hard to let go? why do I feel guilty for leaving him? when he is the one who brought up divorce? He does not want me here. I just need to keep saying that to myself till it sinks in. I keep picturing his face as he was choking me...that is a face I never want to sleep with again. Yet I've seen that face before and still loved it. This time it felt almost like he enjoyed "punishing" me. This is the most violent act he has ever done to me. He has pushed me away, pushed me to the floor, grabbed my hands and fingers so hard I thought he was trying to break them. I never thought of this as abuse before, I think because one time in our first year of marriage, I slapped him and after that I thought it was me who introduced violence so I need to deal with it. ... When our niece lived with us, if she upset him by touching one of his electronics or the phone, he would hit her with that item. Yesterday, ironically while we were talking, our dog went up to him and was licking his hands, so he hit him in the head with a keyboard. ????
> 
> He is giving me the silent treatment today, like I am not here. He slammed the door to his bedroom (our old bedroom) when he saw me sitting here typing (there is no way for him to know what I'm typing about.) Why the h am I here right now? My sister asked me to stay at her place tonight but I opted to come here and stay in the guest room. I think I must just miss my pets cause it certainly isn't him I'm missing.


Try to locate the book_ Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men._ It will answer many of your questions. 

Why is it hard to let go and why do you feel guilty? Because he has stripped you of your self-esteem and caused you to doubt and second-guess yourself. You have internalized his message that you are nothing, subhuman, and that somehow you should feel privileged to be in his presence. He has managed to completely destroy your sense of self and your confidence in your own decisions. This is also called the "Stockholm Syndrome," where hostages actually bond with their kidnappers or feel responsible for their situation.

Right now you think that your life without him will be empty and lonely, because you have lost YOU in this relationship...it was the only way you could make it work, by allowing yourself to be absorbed by him and his needs. He's like an addiction to heroin...you just have to accept that you have to go through the pain of withdrawal if you want to get better. But once you get away and start recovering pieces of yourself, you will remember how light and happy your life can be. I promise you that in a year you won't even remember why you cared about him. I promise!!!! Life after him will be awesome; you just have to take the first step and get away. And, if you take the time to heal and don't date too soon, you will be better prepared next time to screen out the bad ones. 

But, please, take your sister's offer and go stay with her...maybe she'll let you take your pets.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Grabbed your hands so hard that you thought he was trying to break them?....oh hell no. For the next 3 weeks, it's Rodeo Week in Houston, Texas. I am currently wearing cowboy boots, steel tipped. Just tell me where you are and I can borrow a shot gun. I promise I will only graze organs/his head but can I just scare the piss out of him? Please?!


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

No its not okay for him to hit our dog like that. I told H to stop & moved the dog behind me (our dog is a huge doberman, but never violent just a big puppy) I don't understand his view of punishment...like why hit with a keyboard? just tell him no and if its really bothersome, put him up in his kennel... H is the one who wanted to get such a big dog for "exercise and protection" Ok, I get the exercise part but not the protection part...you can't expect a dog to fight off burglars any more than you can expect me to do it. But when he got this dog, it was kind of a whim. I had wanted a dog for a while but he always told me no, because I already have a cat. Well then he decides he needs a dog then he goes thru a rescue. The lady from the rescue comes over with her dog to check out our place. After that she says its good and she has a doberman that likes cats. So next week, my husband comes home with this dog. I thought we were supposed to like meet a few dogs first, check them out together but no he didn't even tell me that he was going to get one. I was scared of the dog at first because he is so big and hyper, but I've gotten to know him and he's a sweetie who lived on the streets for too long. H will end up keeping our dog I know, because he views it as his because he got it... The cats only mine because it came from my mom's cats litter. Our dog and cat get along just fine, but twice I have caught H telling our dog to "sick" or "get" our cat. I say, NO! don't teach him that! he says, what? they like to play...ummm that is not playing to have a dog 10x bigger than the cat go after it. And it is him encouraging it bc otherwise the dog won't mess with the cat. So in addition to everything else, my H is an idiot!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

quirky_girl said:


> No its not okay for him to hit our dog like that. I told H to stop & moved the dog behind me (our dog is a huge doberman, but never violent just a big puppy) I don't understand his view of punishment...like why hit with a keyboard? just tell him no and if its really bothersome, put him up in his kennel... H is the one who wanted to get such a big dog for "exercise and protection" Ok, I get the exercise part but not the protection part...you can't expect a dog to fight off burglars any more than you can expect me to do it. But when he got this dog, it was kind of a whim. I had wanted a dog for a while but he always told me no, because I already have a cat. Well then he decides he needs a dog then he goes thru a rescue. The lady from the rescue comes over with her dog to check out our place. After that she says its good and she has a doberman that likes cats. So next week, my husband comes home with this dog. I thought we were supposed to like meet a few dogs first, check them out together but no he didn't even tell me that he was going to get one. I was scared of the dog at first because he is so big and hyper, but I've gotten to know him and he's a sweetie who lived on the streets for too long. H will end up keeping our dog I know, because he views it as his because he got it... The cats only mine because it came from my mom's cats litter. Our dog and cat get along just fine, but twice I have caught H telling our dog to "sick" or "get" our cat. I say, NO! don't teach him that! he says, what? they like to play...ummm that is not playing to have a dog 10x bigger than the cat go after it. And it is him encouraging it bc otherwise the dog won't mess with the cat. So in addition to everything else, my H is an idiot!


I hope to GOD the only thing that beautiful, gentle giant learns to do is to tear in to your "husband's" balls. He sicked the dog on your cat?!?! 
Seriously, when is enough, enough. If I knew where you lived, I would be calling animal cruelty, CPS and a shelter for you. When is this ****stain going to be out of your life, WHEN????????
As for your husband being an idiot....if you think him teaching another animal to viciously attack another is just a character flaw, well, um yeah.


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

Brennan, I just read your message and it made me smile for once this week! So you live in Houston? so do I. but we shouldn't waste any bullets on this fool. Not worth the trouble. I am just feeling like I have mud for brains right now....
Also, another thing that happened regarding my niece: My other sil, this one is H's blood sister, lived with us for 4 years, got pregnant and had my niece all the while living with us. I kept my mouth shut in hopes of helping sil on her feet and just helping her, I pitied her situation. Well cut to 4yrs later and her and my niece are still living with us. Sil isn't doing anything productive with her life for herself or her daughter. Sil did some disrespectful things that upset me, I won't go into all that in this post - I've posted about it before, but ultimately I came to the conclusion that it was time for Sil to move out. Things were just too uncomfortable. My H gives her 6 mos to move out, and she did. After Sil moves out, she tells the rest of the family that H and I abused her daughter, and supposedly stated examples of how I abused my niece - though gave none of my H. The only example I've actually heard she said was that one time I was laying on the couch and my niece was playing on the floor beside the couch, she said something and I looked up and at the same time she stood up so we bumped heads really hard. I shouted "OW", and my sister was over at the time so when she heard the hit she shouted "oh no watch out!" This my Sil says was my sister and I "ganging" up on my niece. But yet when my H blatantly would hit my niece with inanimate objects, she would say nothing. Not even intervene. She would say, well he has it under control why do I need to get involved and yell at her?


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

Also, last night he brought up my kicking his sister out and he said that it put him in such a bad place, that I made him choose. And that blood is thicker than water, he will always choose family over me. He has told me several times that I'm not his family. No, these things aren't character flaws, they come from a deep disturbance an sense of entitlement.


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## quirky_girl (Aug 5, 2010)

Myopia1964 said:


> Right now you think that your life without him will be empty and lonely, because you have lost YOU in this relationship...it was the only way you could make it work, by allowing yourself to be absorbed by him and his needs..


Exactly correct account of what I have been doing for the past 5 years. I will make myself do without so he can buy the latest gadget or whatever he wants to waste $ on at the time. Where is this guilt coming from? I feel guilty for taking the money from savings and putting it in my new account. I notice that I feel guilty a lot, and even with others. Like I feel I need to prove something to gain everyone's good graces that I feel guilt lodged in my stomach telling me its never going to happen.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Brennan said:


> Get the [email protected] out!!!!!!!!!!! He is WORTHLESS AND AN ABUSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> Why do you want this asswipe? Why? Just why?
> Screw the dog (that in of itself is horrible) but he hit your niece for touching his electronics?!?!?!? Do you have ANY idea where that keyboard would be if somebody did that in my presence? He would be crapping keys for months!!!!!!
> This guy is a loser and bum and on top of that a psycho. Walk out the front door and never look back. Go to your parents, friends, anybody whom you trust. File an RO against him and leave him in the dust. He is no good for you, trust me....I have been there. They NEVER EVER CHANGE.


Sorry!--totally missed the niece part! If he's finally getting around to knocking you around after beating on every defenseless thing in your home, do you honestly think he has an ounce of respect for *you*??

He's an abuser, a wife-beater. He's committed an actual, prosecutable crime. Call him on his crap and get the heck out!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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