# Do men really go thru midlife crisis?



## toofaithful (Aug 1, 2012)

I have had a terrific marriage to a man i trusted with my heart and soul. Once at a wedding, the couple called us the epitomy of what a marriage should be. My hsuband was active in the community and welll known.
Volunteered for Little league and football etc. At 47 he changed into a man i did not know. He became friends with a 25 yr old at work. Started ignoring my teen sons who were so close to him. He started drinking beers sometimes for the 1st time since our kids were born. 

This was a span of 2yrs - He drove my 24yr daughter to a baseball mom's house (she is 35) and they came back at 6am the next morning. No one would answer my calls not even the friend who was married at the time. Her hubby had gone to bed so the 3 of them drank beer and listened to music and talked all night. I still see the woman at games but do not speak.

He told a woman at work she had a nice butt and got fired from his high paying job.

i tried to figure out why A woman i didnt know who was working at a local store hated me so much. One day i asked her if i did something she said we all know you are a crazy b word, then pointed to my husband and said he told me at the bar one night.

At first i self destructed i started using alcohol the first few days each time. But my sons need me so i snapped out of it. My sons begged me not to leave so i havent.

I am also not happy living with a man i will never trust again.My youngest son is 13. I am trying to stick it out but it is so hard. My husband came to his senses, is back to himself but it is too late.

I tried counseling the past year. I realized this - I was in counseling to help myself. He has done nothing other then say forget the past, please forgive me,i love you, he admits he made mistakes but never ever slept with anyone etc.

It makes no difference- he betrayed my trust and I cant just say "oh well" lets just move on. It still hurts but i am getting stronger. It is hard when i see these women at the school or football games etc.

He promised counseling but hasnt went in the year he said it. My therapsit said men sometimes go through this at that age. He said he calls it Man-o-pause. He said the good thing is it lasts a couple years then they are back to themselves, the bad part is some marriages dont last it through it.
Has anyone ever experienced this? Does this really happen to men?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Yep, I've definitely been on the receiving end of a male mid-life crisis in full swing. It started in 2005 when my estranged husband hit age 40. I didn't think he was capable of such behavior. But, we lost EVERYTHING because of it. Sadly, he's still stuck in it.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

According to what I've read the men who go through destructive midlife crisis affect about 10% of all men. It's not as commonplace as I thought. Sure most people go through some sort of life change around 40-50 but most of it is positive, lose weight, start working out, start going to church, etc. It's the 10% who seek fulfillment in younger women, sports cars, or quitting a job.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Mavash. said:


> According to what I've read the men who go through destructive midlife crisis affect about 10% of all men. It's not as commonplace as I thought. Sure most people go through some sort of life change around 40-50 but most of it is positive, lose weight, start working out, start going to church, etc. It's the 10% who seek fulfillment in younger women, sports cars, or quitting a job.


Glad to know my nightmare was in the minority. If the other 90% were anything like my estranged husband, our culture, as we know it, would be over.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Yeah, I think I'm somewhat in one at 45. I'm not doing self-destructive things, but I am reevaluating things and I'm changing things. It's causing my W increased anxiety.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

thunderstruck said:


> Yeah, I think I'm somewhat in one at 45. I'm not doing self-destructive things, but I am reevaluating things and I'm changing things. It's causing my W increased anxiety.


Same here. And I'd add that I'm finally getting very serious about owning and fixing my own destructive behaviors.

Like you, it's thrown something of a monkeywrench, or at least a new one, into our marriage, but I don't regret it. It was way overdue.

And a sports car sounds like a fine idea.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

GTdad said:


> And a sports car sounds like a fine idea.


Yes, I'm looking at Mustangs. 300 horses can help me get through my MLC.


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## Jojara (Aug 1, 2012)

Yes YES YES they completely hit a mid life crisis. Wow...do they ever!!! I think they temporarily lose their mind!!!! Luckily the man you knew and loved came back, unfortunately now there is a lot of crap to work through.  Make sure he follows through on EVERYTHING he needs to do....without exception. I think if he does this for any length of time, then you can start to heal.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

GTdad said:


> And a sports car sounds like a fine idea.


Why stop there? If you are going to have an all out MLC you need a boat, a party/clubbing wardrobe complete with Prada shoes, a Rolex watch, a motorcycle, etc.


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## toofaithful (Aug 1, 2012)

I appreciate all the comments and it is a relief to know someone else gets what i am talking about. My sister says just kick him to the curb..its easy for someone else to say that. My counselor says you cant just walk out but also says you cant live in the middle of the marriage..


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

toofaithful said:


> I have had a terrific marriage to a man i trusted with my heart and soul. Once at a wedding, the couple called us the epitomy of what a marriage should be. My hsuband was active in the community and welll known.
> Volunteered for Little league and football etc. At 47 he changed into a man i did not know. He became friends with a 25 yr old at work. Started ignoring my teen sons who were so close to him. He started drinking beers sometimes for the 1st time since our kids were born.
> 
> This was a span of 2yrs - He drove my 24yr daughter to a baseball mom's house (she is 35) and they came back at 6am the next morning. No one would answer my calls not even the friend who was married at the time. Her hubby had gone to bed so the 3 of them drank beer and listened to music and talked all night. I still see the woman at games but do not speak.
> ...


Yes, I am five years into my midlife crisis. What a roller coaster ride it has been. There is NOTHING you can do about it. It is your husband's journey to take. All you can do is decide what is right for you. Rightfully or wrongfully, you are most likely a key part of his midlife crisis.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

827Aug said:


> Why stop there? If you are going to have an all out MLC you need a boat, a party/clubbing wardrobe complete with Prada shoes, a Rolex watch, a motorcycle, etc.


I may be an MLCer, but I'm not crazy. Although the bike is tempting.


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