# When you think about DDay is there anything that stands out in your mind?



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Like was it something that your WS said/did, etc. Or was it just their whole demeanor? 

For me when I think about DDay I think about him saying that he was not sure what he wanted (that stands out big time in my mind) and in general his whole demeanor was very negative in regards to our marriage as well as him putting the blame on me in that he had no choice but to seek someone else out because I was not affectionate/loving/communicative, etc. etc. When I would mention good times his response was always "yes but......"

I get the whole "fog" thing but still....how he acted that day still burns me. I guess when you think about these situations you always imagine the WS begging your for forgiveness and trying to win you back...instead for me it was almost reversed.

I should say that for us BS's..the whole day was terrible but even years after I think that certain things stand out that are hard to forget...


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

My wife picked up her phone and called the OM to ask him what to do.. he told her to lie. What a shocker. Then she went grocery shopping and called me to ask if we needed coffee.. I asked why she didn't follow me home to talk about why she was in a coffee shop with another man, speaking of coffee.... The next day I got the truth, that whole day she tried the 'just friends' thing. Lucky for her I'm not an idiot and I broke her out of the pod... she's no longer a pod person. I hope to keep her on the good side of the force.

Hardest thing for me to forget is that image of her with him in the window, and her lips saying 'that's my husband'....


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

The biggest thing that stands out in my mind is when I found the hotel receipt in her email that night. Regret had already gone up to bed and I was finishing up stuff for work. I had shut down my computer and forgot I was waiting on something.

Anyway, when I found the email, I also checked her cell phone where I had seen a text a day before from someone I had never heard of. It was erased. I brought her laptop upstairs and literally dropped it on her sleeping body and asked "What the f-ck is this?"

She sat up startled and then stammered when she looked at the screen saying she didn't know and it must be some kind of mistake.

I said...then who is _______...the xOM's name. She just stared at me.

I took my lounge pants off and began to put on my jeans. I said to her, "You know what I'm doing right" to which she simply said, "Yes."

It was the utter disbelief that I personally had when she said it had been going on for 5 years. I would have prefered Michael Myers stabbing me in the f'ng heart and sticking my dead body to the wall that night.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Yes, that stands out for me too..the "just friends" thing. I remember being so blindsided that for a little while on DDay I thought well maybe that is true, maybe I am making too much of this. They really know how to downplay it.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

The other thing that stands out on Dday was the fact that I texted the xOM from her phone and asked him to call. He hung up when I answered and said, "Hi ___, this is Dig. Mind telling me what's going on with you and my wife?" He hung up and I texted him that I figured him for a coward. He called back and I simply told him that if he ever contacted my wife in any way, shape or form that I would kill him. I asked if he truly understood what I was saying to him. He said he did and I could hear in his voice that he knew I was not f'ng bluffing.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> The biggest thing that stands out in my mind is when I found the hotel receipt in her email that night. Regret had already gone up to bed and I was finishing up stuff for work. I had shut down my computer and forgot I was waiting on something.
> 
> Anyway, when I found the email, I also checked her cell phone where I had seen a text a day before from someone I had never heard of. It was erased. I brought her laptop upstairs and literally dropped it on her sleeping body and asked "What the f-ck is this?"
> 
> ...



I had something similar on DD#2...I found a secret laptop hidden in his vehicle because my gut kept telling me to check his truck. I then went upstairs with it where he was sleeping and said what the **** is this?? Sure woke him up quickly...


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

KimatraAKM said:


> On DDay The thing I remember was how helpless and alone I felt. I'd caught him telling her he loved her.. I ran downstairs to get away from him and stew about what I was gonna do (he hadn't realized I'd heard).. So I'm taking a shower and he comes in and whips the curtain open..
> 
> "what's your problem?" him
> 
> ...


That is what burns me about DD#1 is the crying and almost begging I did...trying to save our 25 year relationship while he sat there so cold and aloof. WHat ticks me off is when he said well I didn't mean to hurt you...like somehow that was supposed to make it all better. Funny how at that time I felt like he had all the power as to whether we stayed married or not...now 18 months later it has reversed and my attitude now is it is up to me if I want to stay married to him.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

KimatraAKM said:


> I'm with you highwood.. In the initial DDay I felt like the stupidest, ugliest, most dominated person. I did beg him to stay. I begged him not to throw us away.. I begged him to love me.
> 
> I feel really foolish about that now, but I was devastated.
> 
> ...


And knowing this, you had an affair afterwards and still continue to lie to his face every day? WTH?


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I know this is probably not healthy but some times I just revisit the whole terrible day in my mind...the crying/the sick feeling I had/the disbelief/the fear...

I was totally blindsided that day..I woke up thinking it was going to be another average day. 

I think I am revisiting it right now because DD#1 was in September 2011 and it was this exact day Sunday, May 29/2011 that he left to go work overseas for a month or so (ended up being 2 months)..and that is where he met OW (I believe he met her after he had been over there about a month or so)


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

KimatraAKM said:


> I'm with you highwood.. In the initial DDay I felt like the stupidest, ugliest, most dominated person. I did beg him to stay. I begged him not to throw us away.. I begged him to love me.
> 
> I feel really foolish about that now, but I was devastated.
> 
> ...


I wish I knew about this site because I would not have done that..I would have kicked him out. I think that is why I still struggle with anger toward him because I am more angry that I did not handle it like I wish I had in hindsight.

I think back to us talking on that day and me trying to convince him to stay married and that I still loved him...sometimes you hear about WS's who are begging their betrayed spouse for forgiveness and that they want to work on the marriage..in my case it was the opposite and that still burns me. He should have been trying to convince me to give him another chance.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

KimatraAKM said:


> I did.. And what did I tell myself a mil times before I did it? He Fing deserves this for what he did to me. He thinks I'm worthless? He thinks no one else wants me? I'll prove him wrong..
> 
> I was the one who made a fool of myself that time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Justification for your affair - and continuing to lie and cover it up mean that you're still being dishonest EVERY DAY.

I suppose he's probably doing the same thing so maybe you're good for each other.

I don't understand how you're giving advice when you've admitted you've had a PA and refuse to be honest with your husband all while holding his A over his head as if you're better than him.

That's one f'ed up mess right there.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

KimatraAKM said:


> I did.. And what did I tell myself a mil times before I did it? He Fing deserves this for what he did to me. He thinks I'm worthless? He thinks no one else wants me? I'll prove him wrong..
> 
> I was the one who made a fool of myself that time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know what I think that a revenge affair is tempting for alot of us BS's. I can see where that would make you feel better..does not make it right but I get it. 

I admit there has been so many times where I want my H to wonder what I am up to..who I am texting, etc. etc. Plus it still bugs me that he had someone boosting his ego and he fell for her phony bull**** crap. I still maintain that until you are a BS you cannot understand the pain.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

KimatraAKM said:


> I'm with you highwood.. In the initial DDay I felt like the stupidest, ugliest, most dominated person. I did beg him to stay. I begged him not to throw us away.. I begged him to love me.
> 
> I feel really foolish about that now, but I was devastated.
> 
> ...


You acted like a human.. you were in shock from an emotional trauma. You shouldn't feel foolish now about it, you acted like many people would act. Love and fear.. powerful emotions.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

TCSRedhead said:


> Justification for your affair - and continuing to lie and cover it up mean that you're still being dishonest EVERY DAY.
> 
> I suppose he's probably doing the same thing so maybe you're good for each other.
> 
> ...


:iagree: You're all over CWI telling BS's how they should feel and act, meanwhile you're lying to your own husband who doesn't even know that he's a BS.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

highwood said:


> That is what burns me about DD#1 is the crying and almost begging I did...trying to save our 25 year relationship while he sat there so cold and aloof. WHat ticks me off is when he said well I didn't mean to hurt you...like somehow that was supposed to make it all better. Funny how at that time I felt like he had all the power as to whether we stayed married or not...now 18 months later it has reversed and my attitude now is it is up to me if I want to stay married to him.


And me... the opposite. DD#1 I walked in the house carrying her condoms I found hidden in her car. The machine; Zero emotion state of shock... adrenaline and beyond rage. She turned white. Fear... she wreaked of it. And she ran... disappeared for the day and took the kids (even warning her friends and the OM’s she wasn’t going to survive the night). The machine though functioned; Before walking in with the condoms, I set her phone to autoforward all txt messages and emails to a secure email account... I found the OM’s names with her paniced warning emails and txts to them. 

Unfortunately during that period of her absence, I began to really understand what the future was and the impact to my world (I was co-dependant, so she was my world)... and within days I was the sobbing blubbering one promising to change if only she’d have me back. I hate remembering back then.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

my dday came months after the affair and months after she started questioning the marriage. I logged out of fb on my ereader and then her login info was there to be had while she was in the shower. I checked and found numerous msg's to a guy i suspected all along. Confronting her in the shower and my stomach goin upside down will never be forgotten....and i couldnt even yell since my 5 year old was sleeping right in the next room. Then i had to go to work 3 hrs later. that was fun!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> The biggest thing that stands out in my mind is when I found the hotel receipt in her email that night. Regret had already gone up to bed and I was finishing up stuff for work. I had shut down my computer and forgot I was waiting on something.
> 
> Anyway, when I found the email, I also checked her cell phone where I had seen a text a day before from someone I had never heard of. It was erased. I brought her laptop upstairs and literally dropped it on her sleeping body and asked "What the f-ck is this?"
> 
> ...


Yep. I understand that. A few years before my wife's affair I'd had a heart scare. It turned out not to be serious.

When my wife told me about her affair my first thought was: "I wish it had been a fatal heart attack I'd had, then I'd not have to deal with this s**t."

I felt physically sick, my chest felt tight and I felt like someone had punched my stomach.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

My DD came in my first marriage. I can sooo relate to the physical pain some of y'all mentioned. I felt like I was dying. 

My ex-husband beat me twice...once in front of our kids...on DDay.

But the emotional pain I felt was a thousand times worse than the physical beating that left me black and blue.

There really are no words to put to it. It's just an unadulterated, vicious, primal agony.

I remember that more than anything.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

My WW confessed to me. I knew something was up and has been for months. Unfortunately for my WW one of her CW friends thought my WW wife was cheating with her husband and called me to tell me to check my phone bill. By now I had my phone bill memorized and knew that my WW was doing nothing with her husband and told her so. I also told my WW that she called me and what she said. My WW went ballistic!! Crying and pleading her innocence. I told I loved her and believed her, which I did. She was a wreck that all that night and the next day she was still upset. I grabbed her and told her I loved her. What happened next I will never forget. While I was hugging her asking her WTH was the matter, she said (while crying) "I had an affair!". (Not her friends husband) I almost passed out. My WW says she could feel me falling away. I'll never ever forget that moment. Even though I was very suspicious, it still hit me like a ton of bricks. And then she told me it had gone on for over a year and the guy was About our sons age. Bam, BAM ,BAM. In the gut.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

An intense, agonizing pain and complete disorientation. The purest pain I've ever felt, right to the marrow. I look back at it and wonder how I survived it. Absolutely crushed.

She thought I might kill myself, so she called the police. I left and started walking, cops surrounded me and we had a 1 hour standoff. I convinced them to take me to my son's house. He held me like a baby while I sobbed. How's that for Alpha male?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I realized that I would not be able to see my kids any time I wanted. I play soccer, football, or baseball with them every day after school. We put numerous holes in the drywall in our basement, but to me it was all in love so I didn't care. I did the entire thing anyway.

I remember begging her not to go and she laughed at me. She looked at me like I was a piece of trash on her shoe. I lost 30 lbs in 10 day. Slept 7 hours in 1 week...

It took me a few weeks to get turned around... I actually would have tried to R but I'm glad i never got the chance


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

maincourse99 said:


> An intense, agonizing pain and complete disorientation. The purest pain I've ever felt, right to the marrow. I look back at it and wonder how I survived it. Absolutely crushed.
> 
> She thought I might kill myself, so she called the police. I left and started walking, cops surrounded me and we had a 1 hour standoff. I convinced them to take me to my son's house. He held me like a baby while I sobbed. How's that for Alpha male?


F-ck the Alpha male stuff when this crap is thrown in your face, bro. You were handed an anvil while treading water in the ocean. I broke down a few nights after Dday. And then on other days for the first couple months.

Your hurt is yours and let no one tell you that you handled it poorly.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I had come home from work to who I thought was a very loving and godly wife. She met me at the door, told me about the 3 month betrayal, apologized, blew by me and left to go live with him (her new life lasted all of 3 weeks). I just stood there in the doorway, briefcase in my hand and total disbelief- mouth open in complete shock. I stood there for several minutes. Probably made for good comedy.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

The shock, the numbness, the feeling of "unreality." I was taken completely by surprise. There had been a few odd behaviors, but nothing that would lead me to think he was having an affair. I didn't even think he was capable of lying to me - he supposedly hated liars - so I was stunned.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

A part of me died on Dday never to be found again. That young innocent unconditional love is lost. We were childhood sweethearts and first loves. I remember the lose of that innocent blind love...the love that held my husband up on a pedastalel and thought he could do no wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

I remember vividly when I called him out on his birthday. Days after the affair actually happened. He denied it and made me feel guilty. I didn't have proof, so there was nothing I could do.
Months later, I had proof from cell phone bills. It was a few days before my daughter's first birthday. I called him out and watched his face drop...then he admitted it. I walked to the kitchen table to grab a chair to throw at him. Ran upstairs and made a HUGE scene.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

That first night alone in the house after he left. Spooky quiet. I kept thinking he would call or be concerned that I was distraught with two small boys. I laid in bed.....waiting and thinking any minute now....he will call. He never did, I cried all night. I was in shock followed by numbness. The next morning I read his email to a buddy of his where he seemed to gloat about his new love and he was looking forward to his new life. 

A part of me left my body.....utter heartbreak.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

The lies that fell so easily from his mouth. Lie after lie after f*cking lie. The way he held my hand and told me to look into his eyes, swore he was telling the truth, then lied some more.

The fact I had to email the OW to 'verify' his story and the way I sat there and started to shake uncontrollably when she replied. It had been over for months and she never knew he was married, so I had every reason to believe her over him.

The way he defended his lies by saying he hadn't wanted to hurt me.

The single second of pure peace I had every morning afterwards when I woke up before I remembered what he had done, and the debilitating sick feeling in my stomach I had all day for weeks afterward.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

She contacted me and said things would not be good if she talked about her A.

I ran into mixed emotions, not knowing what to say or do. I called my son, "I want nothing in life..." and later realized my mistake and called him back " I am sorry for getting angry with him..."
I was hopelessly helpless.

Very bad.

I had to make a trip to home ( I stay away in ME) to get the confession.

Anger set in and I find it very hard to get rid of it. From Jan 2011 to now, I am in disbelief. The trust is gone.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

mineforever said:


> A part of me died on Dday never to be found again. That young innocent unconditional love is lost. We were childhood sweethearts and first loves. I remember the lose of that innocent blind love...the love that held my husband up on a pedastalel and thought he could do no wrong.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me too.


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## Overthemoon88 (Jan 10, 2013)

hopefulgirl said:


> The shock, the numbness, the feeling of "unreality." I was taken completely by surprise. There had been a few odd behaviors, but nothing that would lead me to think he was having an affair. I didn't even think he was capable of lying to me - he supposedly hated liars - so I was stunned.


Same script for me


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Overthemoon88 said:


> Same script for me


I think that can be added to the list of things to watch for... 'hates liars'...


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## committed1217 (May 18, 2013)

I agree with the total loss of that innocent love. We were also high school sweethearts and had been together 24 years. All that time I saw him with the eyes of that girl. So in love, feeling like we were soul mates. I sure grew up fast that day. My blissful blindfold was ripped right off.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

_I agree with the total loss of that innocent love... So in love, feeling like we were soul mates. I sure grew up fast that day. My blissful blindfold was ripped right off._

As painful as my wife leaving me was, it woke me up. I had trusted her with my emotional safety and she put me out on the curb like trash. 

I learned that we have to protect ourselves, be content without romantic relationships. Never believe in soul mates. Never idealize the person we're married to. 

It forced me to look inward and face uncomfortable things about myself, and it helped me appreciate more the good things (and people) that I have in my life.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I remember the look of hatred he had in his eyes when I told him I knew, and he said he was moving out of state because there was nothing for him here-no remorse, nothing. He so easily walked away from me and his children, like we didn't matter. I'll give him credit for being honest that one time. We don't matter to him.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

The thing that stands out to me most is the way my heart was pounding out of my chest as I began to read texts from her secret phone. It scared the crap out of me as I thought I would have a heart attack. Other than that, I suppose the moment I found the phone sent my head spinning thinking all sorts of things at an instant. This stuff sux


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

Everything he said to me.
That he always loved her. He choice me but I feel like I'm 2nd place.
The thought he had a D lawyer's number. He was unhappy. That she made him happy with sex and BJS and that sex is what connects everyone if you don't have that then you don't have anything.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Pluto2 said:


> I remember the look of hatred he had in his eyes when I told him I knew, and he said he was moving out of state because there was nothing for him here-no remorse, nothing. He so easily walked away from me and his children, like we didn't matter. I'll give him credit for being honest that one time. We don't matter to him.


THAT is cold blooded. How sad.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

Pluto2 said:


> I remember the look of hatred he had in his eyes when I told him I knew.


Mine did this too. When he knew he was fully busted, he got rageful and his eyes were cold and dead when he looked at me. I finally saw the real him that day. I realized that it had all been an act. He'd created an identity to make me fall in love with him (as sociopaths do)...and it finally fell away, and he was exposed. He hated me for seeing who he really was.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

Pluto2: I'm praying for you and your boys tonight. I'm so sorry!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

The rage. 

I used to think it utter bull when people would use the "out of body experience" defense during murder trials. 

That day I got it. 

It was like I was watching it all play out from another vantage point. Like I wasn't me. I can only put it down to God's grace that I did not do something dangerous.

Upon reflection, it scared the crap out of me!


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## Brokenshadow (May 3, 2013)

Dday 2, and how even with indefensible evidence, she still tried to lie. "what is it that you think you know?". The cold, unblinking stare that we shared. The realization that I had been dancing to her tune, that I had swallowed her lies till I couldn't take it any more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My old lady was willing to take another beating and square up with me and tell me what was what!

This chick has a lot of balls.....

Her honesty saved her life that day!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I remember being shocked but not quite
I remember being upset but not as upset as I should have been
I remember begging him not to leave but sleeping better then I had in months once he had
I remember saying that I couldn't imagine not having him in my life but thinking it was a lie


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## FLGator (Mar 26, 2013)

I remember being not so much mad at first but so so sad. I don't ever remember being that sad in my life. I don't cry but this made me. 

I also remember true honest confusion when she painted our relationship other than what I thought it was. 

Then I remember initial shame when she stated that it was part my fault.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Pluto2 said:


> I remember the look of hatred he had in his eyes when I told him I knew, and he said he was moving out of state because there was nothing for him here-no remorse, nothing. He so easily walked away from me and his children, like we didn't matter. I'll give him credit for being honest that one time. We don't matter to him.


In cases like this I maintain that Karma will come around to him...believe me I would bet money on it that he will regret walking away from his children one day.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Regga said:


> Pluto2: I'm praying for you and your boys tonight. I'm so sorry!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well thanks for the good wishes. My girls and I are doing much better. Life goes on, but not with him.


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## now_awake (May 29, 2013)

It was like a bomb detonating in my life. I confronted him by email since he was at work. My daughter was home sick that day, but he came home anyway. I don't think I'll forgive him for that. I couldn't hold it together and broke down. He told my six year old that he hurt mommy's feelings. She still remembers and mentions it every once in a while.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

The first D-Day I was in shock as I had no inkling he was even capable of this, his online affair. And he was DEEP in the fog. She was a single mom /biker chick who live 2000 miles away and he was contemplating giving up me and our two boys and moving out there where, in his foggy brain, he would "send for the boys for the summer" as IF!!!

I was crying, telling him I would NEVER betray him like that and wasn't he willing to try to work it out. He told me it was "Too little, too late" and a few days later that he didn't know if we could afford to keep the house if he moved out into an apartment etc. It was the worst summer of my life.

I knew he was unhappy, but it was mostly with himself, an almost classic mid-life episode where he hated his life, his body (he had gained weight) his business was not as profitable as he had hoped and he felt like he was "not getting his share of fun in life"

We went to counseling twice but he didn't want to go anymore because he felt blamed- ya think! Somehow the fog lifted and we were better for a long time.

That was 16 years ago, and all was well, I thought , until Nov 2011. It was somewhat less shocking when I had my second D-Day and I told him I would not do that again. It stopped right then or I was out. The time before he waffled for months. 

I still hate that the innocence of not even being able to fathom him ever cheating was gone forever after that first time.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

Yep, still here it in my mind now - "I enjoy talking to her, I will continue to talk to her and if you don't like it, file the papers and I will sign them". Broke my heart and still does.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

pollywog said:


> Yep, still here it in my mind now - "I enjoy talking to her, I will continue to talk to her and if you don't like it, file the papers and I will sign them". Broke my heart and still does.


Did you file the papers?

All I remember about D day is how my heart was going to explode out of my chest when I read the emails. How unbelievably PISSED I was. How he made me even more pissed by knocking around the house and acting like nothing happened, and what a relief it was to get the kids out of the house and let loose on him and kick his lying cheating ass out the door.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

@Hope. Not yet, but they will be filed. There is no going back, we are both pretty much done. We will try to agree on a 50% split of things if possible. He knows how I feel, I am not sharing him and all he has to do is just leave. He has been in the guest room since the week before Easter. I gave up the fight to save our marriage last weekend when he lied about why he was going to see her, straw that broke the camels back so to speak. I cried in front of him that day, but now I am pissed and hope I can hold my tears when I tell him I am no longer interested and he needs to just go. Hopefully this weekend is when we can have that discussion. 

I can't wait for the KARMA BUS to get them both.


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## Colleen (Apr 17, 2013)

How could I forget? After months of trying to figure out why he was being a monster, his amateur band had a gig, a going away party for the singer who was moving. He ignored me, let some blonde hang all over him - in front of me, in front of our friends. A divorced friend told me that I needed to investigate him as soon as possible. She had been burned by her husband (money disappeared, as well as possessions) before he moved out with his AP. I'm very glad I took her advice.

I looked at his cell phone bills, found the thousands of texts and calls, only a few of the emails (never the contents of their real feelings for each other, he made sure that disappeared) and the tens of thousands gone from our MMA and checking accts. I knew. In my heart, I instantly knew. I found $10000 cash hidden (I was a SAHM for sixteen years), and stashed it away. 

When I confronted him, he told me he loved her, he pursued her. That will haunt me for the rest of my life. 

Once words are spoken, they can never, ever be taken back...


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

The very FIRST thing I did when I knew- at that moment when the proof was staring back at me? You know that moment? I puked.Right there on the spot, Ive never been so viscerally ill in my life. 

When I think about dday and what stands out about that- well the LIES. O M G. How easily he lied to my face even when I had undeniable proof- he denied it. UFB. He was actually mad at ME initially- I think bc I wasnt nearly as stupid as he'd taken me for.....Our dday lasted for more like a week so I guess you could say dweek in our case. 

The other thing I remember very vividly is that while I was literally on my knees in front of him pleading with him to tell me certain things-the truth for example- at that moment as I sat on our bedroom floor on my knees with tears rolling down my face- He told me How SHE felt and that "SHE was in tears one day and how worried he was about hurting HER feelings"(vomit)...... Thats a tough one to forgive.

But mostly dday represents truth for me. No longer accepting the bullsh*t. Being willing to lose it all if necessary but no longer allowing him to live his life as if he were single. And most of all, It represents my awakening. I will never put anyone on a pedestal like that ever again. I see him now- with all of his flaws. I live in reality.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Pluto2 said:


> I remember the look of hatred he had in his eyes when I told him I knew, and he said he was moving out of state because there was nothing for him here-no remorse, nothing. He so easily walked away from me and his children, like we didn't matter. I'll give him credit for being honest that one time. We don't matter to him.


Pity.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

What stands out for me is that I was shocked at how devious she was. Here I thought that my fWW was completely transparent because I had her facebook password (because she always asked me to post her pictures, etc). I could never have imagined that she could create a secret facebook account under a fake name. I had underestimated her. I won't make that mistake again.

And then anger when I realized who I was posting these pictures for.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

After having a long time with so many health issues and being so very worthless in my own eyes, as I was not being the wife I would have liked to be nor was I the wife I wanted to be. He became the caretaker and I was miserable. It was a month after the last surgery and I was finally up and walking again, the wight hwas falling off as I was no longer taking all the medications. I was expereancing the first feelings of total happiness and looking so forward to the future. WE had gotten a new kitten and committed to it . Then he came home high I tried to just let it be but the violence came with the confession of three women. He went to jail. I was never so crushed my heart ripped from my chest, this man who wanted fidelity from me and was one of our vows but also a corner stone of our marriage had cheated on me without a word. He was telling me he loved me, he was telling me how proud he was of me yet now he was asking me if I was moving out so her could move her in or should he leave. Turn out the 3 woman he named wre not any of them it was just one and her husband had watched, they were all high. It had been going on for 3 months he said. Yes I understand and yes I don't blame him IF he had said something. It was the complete deceit that got me. This is the man I opened my heart too. This was the man I never doubted for a minute because of all the things he had said and related as being his values. He crushed my heart and the beating reawaken the true violence and abuse issues from my past. Now when I trigger sometimes I trigger off the old abuse and betrayal then gets around to him. He accused me of secrets from my past I never shared and he was right. I did not share the abuse, the violence, humiliations and shame I wore. What stands out was the look on his face distorted with anger telling me he hates me and that he is [email protected] other woman.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

It's been almost 2 months and it feels like DDay every day in some way. That night when I first discovered the e-mails in her secret hotmail account I can recall my heart thumping in my chest. I didn't fear this rush - because I knew it was telling me in a physical way that what was before me was the raw truth.

There are still lies, direct and by omission and the questions - my God the questions which keep popping up and which now I am reluctant to ask because we are meant to be in Recon and....ahh f**k this. I have had a gutfull of this!!!!


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I remember the relief. All that time of being suspicious, asking him, threatening him with consequences because I know, talking to him, asking, being monumentally gaslighted, and then with the truth came relief. And the biggest pain I have ever felt.

The relief was shortlived.


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