# All alone



## msjen602 (Aug 17, 2011)

My husband & I are 15 years apart, and we are 4 years into our marriage. He is the youngest son of 12 children, and has been spoiled his adolesant life to the point it has followed him to his adulthood. I work full-time, and so does he; however when he clocks out from work, he clocks out from everything!! I wake up each morning @ 5:15 am, I'm on the road by 5:45 am taking our 13 yr old son to football practice, back home by 6 am preparing for work, arrive at work by 7:3am clock out @ 5pm and headed home or the store preparing for dinner. Mind you, my husband works from 7am to 3:30 pm, by 4 pm he's on the couch with the remote in hand. I walk in the door no later than 6pm, and straight to the kitchen I go preparing dinner, which is usually ready by 7:30pm, then follows laundry, homework, etc...while my husband has found his way back to the couch. BUT WHEN I say I'm overwhelmed and I need help, he goes into this whole spill about how stressful it is at work, and his feet hurt from standing all day, and I wouldn't understand because the most strenuous thing I do is stand up from my desk and walk to the front office. I feel like a single mother of 4 children vs a married woman with 3 children.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Firstly, I've never been a morning person and reading your discipline for being up and getting things happening inspires me. I think you rock. Secondly, it sounds like you need to renegotiate your responsibilities. I think it's time to sit him down, get him to put on his big boy pants, and explain you can't continue with this uneven share of house-hold responsibilities. If he can cook (or is open to learning), see if he'd be willing to step-up to make dinner for when you get home so that you can all enjoy dinner earlier and that in turn will not only help the house-hold but also allows you all to have more time/fun together. 

Is there a way you could arrange a fun family outing one evening, such as ten-pin bowling to give an added incentive for him to start making changes with you? He makes dinner, you all eat earlier together and then head out the door by 7pm for this fun activity.

Cf course, you could take a stronger approach and would be completely justified in doing so. I'm just giving food for thought. He's acting selfishly, so if he sees what's in it for him to begin with, it might help adjust his behavior slightly. I do think you need to express calmly that things need to change. If it hasn't already, your resentment will start building and spill over into other areas of your relationship. He has plenty of time to rest up and THEN get chores done before you even get home. Time for change. If he's been spoiled and you haven't shown him until now what's expected, it will take time for his mind-set to get up to speed. Maybe ask him to take care of certain loads of laundry and if he doesn't do it, don't nag, just leave it until he starts complaining - then tell him that was on him to take care of so he needs to get busy.

Good luck.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, I couldn't keep up the kind of schedule you have on a daily basis without some help, so I really admire you for keeping things going.

Your husband is taking advantage of you, and you are letting him do so.

Sit him down and lay out all of the household chores. Divide them up based upon your schedules and interests. Let him know that if he doesn't do his share of the work per the chore list, then the chores on your list that would be done for him (such as cooking or laundry), he will simply have to do himself and then simply quit doing those chores for him. If you have the funds to do so, you might also look into hiring out some of your cleaning tasks if it makes it easier for you.

The chores should likely be a family affair - your kids should be involved in doing chores and helping around the house too so that they don't learn the lesson of laziness and entitlement like your husband did.

If his continued laziness does not change, then you'll have to make some tough decisions about how far you are willing to go. He may not change unless he is given a really big wake-up call to.

Best of luck.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> The chores should likely be a family affair - your kids should be involved in doing chores and helping around the house too so that they don't learn the lesson of laziness and entitlement like your husband did.


Good point!

If you have a future DIL, no doubt she'll be thanking you.


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