# She says she is not in love with me anymore



## Zepol (Aug 9, 2011)

Hey All,
I stumbled on your site after searching for a way to fix the relation ship me and my wife have.

Just recently me and my wife decided to start over in Miami, FL to be closer to family and friends and also to let our son of 5 years of age to grow up with his cousins and to get to know his aunts and uncles more. 
So we decided the best financial move on doing this is for her to move over to Miami ahead of me and stay living with her parents, while she gets a job. During this time I was at home fixing everything up in order to put the house that we own up for rent, because in these times its almost impossible to sell.
Well after only a month and a half she found a job, so I continued with the next step which was hiring a property manager to put the house up for sell. The same day that this was done my wife sent me an email saying that she no longer loves me and needs her space, after 10 years of marraige I am very hurt she did it this way, but a couple of days later she flat out said she wants a divorce. I am not going to lie I feel a bit used but regardless I still love her very much and not to mention I think about our little one, I dont want him to grow up like I did with out a father.
I did my best to be a good father and a good husband, but I see now that by being the provider I lost sight in the most important thing, haveing fun in the relationship, I was so caught up into gettings all of our finances in order that I didn't realize that I was not spending enough family time. I see that now and I feel terrible. I want to fix things but she doesnt want to, all this is being disscussed via phone calls, texts, and emails.
So I booked the next flight possible to Miami to speak to her in person and see it in her eyes if she trully does not love me.
I feel hurt, I have not been in so much pain since I lost my parents at age 11. I am also lost I dont know what I should say to her when I get there, I am scared I dont want to lose her, I know I can make things right I just need the chance to prove it to her. Please help I love this woman endlessly I need her and I dont want my son going threw the pain as well.

Any advise is helpfull and thanks in advance.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Zepol said:


> Hey All,
> I stumbled on your site after searching for a way to fix the relation ship me and my wife have.
> 
> Just recently me and my wife decided to start over in Miami, FL to be closer to family and friends and also to let our son of 5 years of age to grow up with his cousins and to get to know his aunts and uncles more.
> ...


She either met some one or had this planned for a long time.

If you love her start checking to see if she is having an affair. She did love you at some time.


----------



## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

I imagine that she has felt neglected for a while. Once she got her job, she was probably being respected by a man there and it started bringing up feelings she forgot she had. She may have found someone "better" so in her mind, why would she go back? I would keep fighting for her (without begging, or graveling). Become a stronger man. Let her know about the changes you are going to make. I posted an article on my blog about things people should know before they divorce. It is a four part series and might be helpful in this situation. Improve My Marriage: Before You Divorce, Part I. Good luck!


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Zepol said:


> Hey All,
> I stumbled on your site after searching for a way to fix the relation ship me and my wife have.
> 
> Just recently me and my wife decided to start over in Miami, FL to be closer to family and friends and also to let our son of 5 years of age to grow up with his cousins and to get to know his aunts and uncles more.
> ...


I think the magic number here is 10 years. A lot of women think this is a way for them to get a special payday from the family court and they may be right. If a woman was looking for someone to shelter her and her kid(s) until she got them in school, then it makes sense for her to hack it out past the 10 year mark and maybe increase her standing in front of the judge. Then maybe not. 

You need to make yourself as whole as you can and do what you think is right in your heart. Just be aware of the real possibility that this may have never been right and accept that you may not be able to make it right. My mom passed away 2 months after my 10th anniversary. 4 months later my wife is breaking up our family and leaving, just like yours.


----------



## NotaGoodSlave (Jul 29, 2011)

Your wife is "cashing out" per Ten_Year_Hubby - he is correct, that is the reality. Women understand far better than men that marriage is about money - the rest is an illusion (women know it - men don't). 

How much money did you spend dating her? How much money did you spend on the dinners and movies, and the trips and gifts? How much money did you spend on the engagement ring and the wedding, and on the honeymoon. How much money did you spend on her during your marriage for things you did not want or need but purchased to keep her "happy"?

Yet she is "unhappy" and you are blaming yourself. Why? Because you spent too much time at work to earn money to provide for her and your child? You followed the most basic male instinct which is to protect and provide for your family............how is that done? It is done by obtaining money. Since you are not wealthy you have to earn that money which takes a lot of time and effort in todays world.

Please now spend your time and money on obtaining sound legal advice from an experienced divorce attorney and not on airline tickets to Florida or on the marriage counseling scam.................


----------



## Seanpgrnc (Jun 26, 2011)

This seems to be the trend these days. 

"I love you sweetie" "I love you too honey....oh wait, nvm. I meant I DON'T love you anymore and I want to separate. But please, don't hesitate to pay all my bills and kiss my a$$ til I decide if I want to come back"

Been going through this with my wife for a few months now and just starting to see light from the fog I've been in.

I started the 180 thing, simply to try to hold on to some sanity and it worked wonders for me. 

Sucks that she is so far away, makes it hard for you to work on things. Just keep your chin up, man. Regardless of how it turns out, brighter days ARE ahead.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Zepol said:


> I did my best to be a good father and a good husband, but I see now that by being the provider I lost sight in the most important thing, haveing fun in the relationship, I was so caught up into gettings all of our finances in order that I didn't realize that I was not spending enough family time. I see that now and I feel terrible.


Strange how they needed family time, yet they don't mind the money coming in and spending it. You bust your ass making the money that they want to maintain their lifestyle and give them and the kids the things that they want, taking you for granted. Then all of a sudden someone comes along, and bam! You're kicked to the curb. That seems to be a common theme nowadays. 

You have nothing to feel bad for. You did what a man is supposed to do, provide for his family. Do the 180, improve yourself, emotionally detach from her. You weren't appreciated for all the hard work you've done. Unless you're a workaholic, who truly wants to bust their ass all the time working away from the family?


----------



## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

LMH,


Don 't mean to hi-jac,but what about the SB that gave up their career to raise those kids, take care of the lifestyle, make it possible for the WS to further their own career, give the WS a comfortable home , and a good marriage. They decide to have the affair, believe me, I am going to continoue to have the same lifestyle as before, all bills goes to hubby!!!!


Dont fool yourself, it's not you...


~sammy


return receipts ? help


----------



## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Who decided for her to go to Florida? 

Reading your post, I can figure out she connected with someone (old boyfriend) way before she got back to Florida, and that motivated her to push you for this "fresh start" and "going on ahead" without you business.

Listen, I am not going to beat around the bush. There is only one course of action for you right now, and time is short.

Get to Florida right now and CONFRONT your wife, your wife's family and anyone else involved in this nonsense and enabling your wife's shenanigans. 

While you are working and taking care of business for your family, your wife is most likely having an affair, and considering it is her home just assume it is some old boyfriend or old flame. Drop the hammer on this affair immediately. Folks in the "Coping with Infidelity" section of this website can show you how to do this devastatingly effective. 

And right now stop any and all apologizing or taking responsibility for your wife's shenanigans. Your proper emotion should be stone cold determination to move heaven and hell and whatever it takes to end whatever nonsense (affair) is going on and save your marriage and protect your family.

Do not be "mr. nice guy i'm sorry i neglected you" about any of this anymore either. Time for "mr. nice guy" is past.

Now you need to be "Mr. oh sh1t my husband's in town to kick a$$ and take names" !!! 

Plan to get to Florida now, and go ahead while you getting ready and get two names in Florida. 

The names of a good marriage counsellor and the name of a good lawyer, and make it clear it is one or the other, and h3ll to pay if it is the lawyer, as you will fight tooth and nail for your kids and expose your wife's infidelity to the world.

If this attitude seems harsh, it is because it is. But in this late hour this is the one chance to put things right else you will lose your marriage and will lose your wife and lose living with your children if you choose to be mr nice guy any longer.

Be tough, show you are deadly serious concerning protecting your family you love, and this your one chance to wake your woman out of her "fog" (look this affair "fog" up and understand it 100 percent), get both of you in counselling, and put things back together in your marriage.

Fight, and fight HARD.

I wish you well.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Do not beg for your marriage, it will only empower her to continue to make bad choices. Show her how confident you are in moving on with out her and she will second guess her dicision. She will want what she can't have so give her the perseption that you are comfortable in moving on with out her. Never show her how weak you really feel, if for one second she sees this behavior she will only empower her to do want she wants, knowing you will always be around no matter what choices she makes.

Women usually don't leave a stable and secure relationship enless they have replaced the man that previously provided that with another man. Get the evidence to prove this and confront her, again never begging or cring for the marriage.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> *Strange how they needed family time, yet they don't mind the money coming in and spending it. You bust your ass making the money that they want to maintain their lifestyle and give them and the kids the things that they want, taking you for granted. Then all of a sudden someone comes along, and bam! You're kicked to the curb. That seems to be a common theme nowadays. *
> 
> You have nothing to feel bad for. You did what a man is supposed to do, provide for his family. Do the 180, improve yourself, emotionally detach from her. You weren't appreciated for all the hard work you've done. Unless you're a workaholic, who truly wants to bust their ass all the time working away from the family?


Seems like a trend


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

BigBadWolf said:


> Who decided for her to go to Florida?
> 
> Reading your post, I can figure out she connected with someone (old boyfriend) way before she got back to Florida, and that motivated her to push you for this "fresh start" and "going on ahead" without you business.
> 
> ...


Good advice. :iagree:


----------



## NotaGoodSlave (Jul 29, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Good advice. :iagree:


I respectfully do not agree. Women actually love this type of drama and it feeds their sense of entitlement - him rushing down to Flordia to "fight to keep her" or "discussing this" with yet another loser marriage counselor - I say forget it. She is a cheater and eventually this marriage will end, if not now, sometime in the future. The longer he waits the more costly it will be to him.

I think he should stay home and put all of his effort on a search for the best divorce laywer he can afford. 

He should focus all of his time and energy on escapeing from her with the least amount of financial damage to himself.:BoomSmilie_anim:


----------



## Zepol (Aug 9, 2011)

Thanks for all the words of confidence all. 
So I just came back from Miami, and nothing changed, I was the sad puppy comming in and apologizeing for my wrong, I see now it was a mistake but after her completely ignoring me and not able to look at me, that turned my love for her to hate. I can honestly say she has never seen this side of me, I put her ass into reality and just emailed her the list of bills she is obligated to pay. Her F#[email protected] [email protected]# attitude has changed to wait we dont need to hate each other.

I am staying with this attitude and at this point if she is not willing to give one last effort in our marraige for the sake of our son then I am not willing to give her another chance for anything.

I didn't start it, but I mean to see it through


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> She either met some one or had this planned for a long time.
> 
> If you love her start checking to see if she is having an affair. She did love you at some time.


:iagree:



Zepol said:


> put her ass into reality and just emailed her the list of bills she is obligated to pay. Her F#[email protected] [email protected]# attitude has changed to wait we dont need to hate each other.
> 
> I am staying with this attitude and at this point if she is not willing to give one last effort in our marraige for the sake of our son then I am not willing to give her another chance for anything.


Good. You need to keep up this attitude. This is the only attitude that works. Too many times the left behind spouse will cry/beg/plead only to find that it doesn't work! Notice the change in her attitude once you let her kno wyou were done too and wouldn't be begging for her back. Amazing, right?

I am sorry you find yourself in this position but do know...you will come out on the other side much better--with or without her.


----------



## ForlornHubby (Aug 15, 2011)

Just read this thread and I completely see my situation on yours: I'm not the dream man but I have always catered for my wife and our kids, don't drink, am not abusive in either language or physic. I pull my weight around the house, help with the chores, and when she recently started flirting online I really tried to woo her with flowers and such.

Unfortunately I seem to be the only one doing an effort when it was her that started "looking around for love" after 15 year marriage.

I begin to believe that this cold shoulder approach may be the only one she'll (and it seems ANY woman) listen to, which is a real shame.  Men have always been perceived as the "brute" and self-seeking sex, but it seems more and more that women are guilty of doing it these days.


----------



## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

candlemelter said:


> Men have always been perceived as the "brute" and self-seeking sex, but it seems more and more that women are guilty of doing it these days.


Men are polygamous.

Women are hypergamous.

Neither are going to be monogamous without some selfish benefits and boundries in place.


----------



## NotaGoodSlave (Jul 29, 2011)

Zepol said:


> Thanks for all the words of confidence all.
> So I just came back from Miami, and nothing changed, I was the sad puppy comming in and apologizeing for my wrong, I see now it was a mistake but after her completely ignoring me and not able to look at me, that turned my love for her to hate. I can honestly say she has never seen this side of me, I put her ass into reality and just emailed her the list of bills she is obligated to pay. Her F#[email protected] [email protected]# attitude has changed to wait we dont need to hate each other.
> 
> I am staying with this attitude and at this point if she is not willing to give one last effort in our marraige for the sake of our son then I am not willing to give her another chance for anything.
> ...


Your eyes are opening - you are beginning to see you have been living as a slave. She is a dream killer and a soul destroyer.

In my view you must seek legal counsel and not put forth any more written communications to her - it is time for you to follow the advice of an attorney and not act on your emotions. Your emotions can be used against you. Use all legal means open to you. Use the legal system, obey the law, follow the advice of your lawyer - pay what you have to pay..........get free.


Living as a free single man, no matter how much money you have or don't have, will be the best revenge.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Zepol said:


> Thanks for all the words of confidence all.
> So I just came back from Miami, and nothing changed, I was the sad puppy comming in and apologizeing for my wrong, I see now it was a mistake but after her completely ignoring me and not able to look at me, that turned my love for her to hate. I can honestly say she has never seen this side of me, I put her ass into reality and just emailed her the list of bills she is obligated to pay. Her F#[email protected] [email protected]# attitude has changed to wait we dont need to hate each other.
> 
> I am staying with this attitude and at this point if she is not willing to give one last effort in our marraige for the sake of our son then I am not willing to give her another chance for anything.
> ...


No one siggested that you go to Miami and be a sad puppy. You were supposed to man-up and take charge. If we knew you were going to be a sad puppy we would have told you that was the worst possible thing you could do.

So who is the OM?


----------



## Zepol (Aug 9, 2011)

Thanks Jelly and NotaGoodSlave I really appreciate it. Ill keep ya guys posted on what goes on, since I dont really like to speak about my issues with most people only my closest friends I can unleash my fustrations here and recieve positive feed back. Again Thanks all for the guidance I really needed it I felt like I was 3yrs old again and lost in the supermarket. You guys are awsome.

And @Entropy I didnt read this before I left my flight if not my attitude would of been stronger, I see my mistake now, and I won't ever digrade myself in that level again But I do have to ask ya whats OM?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

OM = Other Man



Zepol said:


> Thanks Jelly and NotaGoodSlave I really appreciate it. Ill keep ya guys posted on what goes on, since I dont really like to speak about my issues with most people only my closest friends I can unleash my fustrations here and recieve positive feed back.


Well, you're safe here--we are just strange people on the internet.


----------



## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Let's see. After the 10 year mark she convinces you to allow her to move to her home town where her support system is and then she asks for a divorce before you arrive. Don't kid yourself. Whether there's another dude or not she's been planning this for sometime. Pretty good plan too. If she had started the divorce before she left you probably could've prevented your kids from moving, but now they're in Florida and there's nothing you can do about it since you agreed to it. I'd be pretty torched over that move and this would've been enough to convince me that the marriage is completely over. I'm sure she is hoping that you stay behind and just send money, but don't let her off the hook. Ask her to send the kids back for a visit and see what happens. I don't reccommend using the kids as leverage or following through on this, but it's a simple test to gauge where she's really at. She won't do it because you could keep the kids since your still married. 

At this point you may need to move to Florida to be near your kids. Show her that you can move on by finding a new squeez and don't let her ruin your relationship with your kids. Oh and stop sending money, find a lawyer and protect your cash and credit. She has shown herself to be a master manipulator.


----------



## NotaGoodSlave (Jul 29, 2011)

Zepol said:


> Thanks Jelly and NotaGoodSlave I really appreciate it. Ill keep ya guys posted on what goes on, since I dont really like to speak about my issues with most people only my closest friends I can unleash my fustrations here and recieve positive feed back. Again Thanks all for the guidance I really needed it I felt like I was 3yrs old again and lost in the supermarket. You guys are awsome.
> 
> And @Entropy I didnt read this before I left my flight if not my attitude would of been stronger, I see my mistake now, and I won't ever digrade myself in that level again But I do have to ask ya whats OM?


You must focus on discussing this with legal counsel and not with friends or people on this board. The best friend you have in the world right now is the lawyer you are going to hopefully soon hire. He or she has the key to your freedom - nobody here does.


----------

