# Grandparents returning children on time



## Cherry

If you agreed for a weekend visit for the kids going to grandma but when you asked her what the plan was for returning kids on Sunday, she says it won't be until Tuesday night. How would you react? She also claims she told me... BS! What would you do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DanF

Tell her to get the kids home when you want them home. They are YOUR children, not hers.
If she won't bring them, go get them and don't let them go back unless she agrees to follow your rules.


----------



## that_girl

I'd drive to them on Sunday and take them.


----------



## golfergirl

Cherry said:


> If you agreed for a weekend visit for the kids going to grandma but when you asked her what the plan was for returning kids on Sunday, she says it won't be until Tuesday night. How would you react? She also claims she told me... BS! What would you do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unless there is a written order through 'grandparent's visitation', I would not let that fly. If she's manipulative beeyotch who will make a scene and traumatize kids, I'd make it clear she better enjoy her last unsupervised visit with kids for awhile until she can learn some respect. Actually I think I would leave choice up to her - return kids Sunday (hence forth term 'weekend visit') or only visit supervised in your home for short periods in the future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tacoma

that_girl said:


> I'd drive to them on Sunday and take them.


This is what I`d do.


----------



## Cherry

golfergirl said:


> Unless there is a written order through 'grandparent's visitation', I would not let that fly. If she's manipulative beeyotch who will make a scene and traumatize kids, I'd make it clear she better enjoy her last unsupervised visit with kids for awhile until she can learn some respect. Actually I think I would leave choice up to her - return kids Sunday (hence forth term 'weekend visit') or only visit supervised in your home for short periods in the future.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is what I have chosen to do, as they are currently 8 hours away too. I will not tell her that this is her last visit unsupervised, as my children will be in her care for the next 48 hours at least... safety first, right? When my children are back in my home, I will inform her that I hope she enjoyed her very last unsupervised visit my my children. Thank you gals and guys!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cherry

Update... got my kids back and I let her know that was the last time she will see them until she learns to respect my family and our rules. Well several hateful texts later about how mean I am to my kids for depriving them of their grandparent and me responding with its more damaging for them to be around people who badmouth their own parents, she tells me "I'll see you in court". I ask for what, and she is silent. Gawd I wish she just get her own freaking life and leave mine alone!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FirstYearDown

You are a very good person, for letting Psycho Grandma see them at all!


----------



## that_girl

Cherry said:


> Update... got my kids back and I let her know that was the last time she will see them until she learns to respect my family and our rules. Well several hateful texts later about how mean I am to my kids for depriving them of their grandparent and me responding with its more damaging for them to be around people who badmouth their own parents, she tells me "I'll see you in court". I ask for what, and she is silent. Gawd I wish she just get her own freaking life and leave mine alone!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lol My mom is somewhat similar.

Don't worry, she has NO RIGHTS to your children. Let her take you to court. The judge will laugh it right out.


----------



## tacoma

Cherry said:


> Update... got my kids back and I let her know that was the last time she will see them until she learns to respect my family and our rules. Well several hateful texts later about how mean I am to my kids for depriving them of their grandparent and me responding with its more damaging for them to be around people who badmouth their own parents, she tells me "I'll see you in court". I ask for what, and she is silent. Gawd I wish she just get her own freaking life and leave mine alone!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not really helping her case is she?

Well done cherry.


----------



## Cherry

Thanks all, ANOTHER UPDATE: My mother called DCS on me and H. REALLY? Normally if this happens, I guess most would say "okay, we just let them do their thing and move on.". But, being a thinker type, I know I'm over analyzing things. My H and I have a long history with the courts and law enforcement. DV, substance abuse, drugs (his early years primarily aside from mj now, which is not a secret in my family unfortunately), and our 5 month divorce case was atrocious.... EVERYONE was involved. My H and I have been back together for nearly a year and a half. She can't stand it!!!!!! My H and I have no further involvement with courts or law enforcement since we've reconciled. Never an open case with DCS.... I called on him during our divorce because he had gotten a DUI while my children were suppose to be in his care. Anyway, I'm just ventingbut she just nailed her coffin shut to EVER seeing my kids without a court order!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## joe kidd

Cherry said:


> Thanks all, ANOTHER UPDATE: My mother called DCS on me and H. REALLY? Normally if this happens, I guess most would say "okay, we just let them do their thing and move on.". But, being a thinker type, I know I'm over analyzing things. My H and I have a long history with the courts and law enforcement. DV, substance abuse, drugs (his early years primarily aside from mj now, which is not a secret in my family unfortunately), and our 5 month divorce case was atrocious.... EVERYONE was involved. My H and I have been back together for nearly a year and a half. She can't stand it!!!!!! My H and I have no further involvement with courts or law enforcement since we've reconciled. Never an open case with DCS.... I called on him during our divorce because he had gotten a DUI while my children were suppose to be in his care. Anyway, I'm just ventingbut she just nailed her coffin shut to EVER seeing my kids without a court order!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They have to investigate every call even if it's BS. Just tell them what happened and they will most likely drop it after 30 days.


----------



## Cherry

I know they will. Hell, we don't even have to agree to let them in unless they can produce a warrant. But we have nothing to hide as to the welfare of our children. It's just BS.... just after my H and I reconciled, she filed a 10k small claims (10k is possible for small claims cases in TN... and NOT a small claim if you ask me!) Anyway the case was dismissed. Just frustrating as H3LL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tacoma

Actually I think it`s a blessing in disguise.

Now you don`t even have to discuss/argue whether or not they EVER see their grandchildren again.

They`re done, cut them out of your life.


----------



## Cherry

That certainly is what will happen. It's just unfortunate for her. She's one of those people that can be normal and apologetic about things one minute and then stab you in the back the second you turn around. It's amazing. My H and I have substance abuse in our history, but whatever she has going on mentally trumps all. It's sad. I struggle with how she really is doing... but there's nothing I can do anymore. I will not risk my losing my children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cherry

Another update and I would really like some thoughts on this because I'm at a loss. CPS came and went, and while the tip was "anonymous", we figured it out pretty quick. Well, my mom and I have had some pretty tense emails back and forth about the whole picture and I basically told her to F off. Fast forward to now and she emails me to ask if I'd come see a place she's thinking of getting for my 17 year old when she starts college. She also asks if I can bring the twins so we can have lunch together and she can at least see them for an hour tops. I personally do not have a problem with this, in my eyes it's supervised visits and it's a boundary I can live with. My H on the other hand is pretty pissed to say the least. He feels like she can pull the whole CPS crap and disrespect our family and him by not abiding by our rules (the whole incident that prompted this thread) and I'll just start talking to her like nothing happened when she wants. I don't know... I see it as she didn't ask to take my children for the weekend, she suggested lunch. But at the same time he's not working that day and feels like she's still disrespecting him by taking me and the kids away from him for a few hours. I really do see his side and a part of me wants to tell her again to F off, but my 17 year old is there too... She's excited about this place and she loves her siblings, so she'd like for them to come too. I'm so lost on this. Any help would be appreciated. I don't want to fight with my H on this. He asked me to ask you guys what you think. Thanks!!


----------



## golfergirl

Cherry said:


> Another update and I would really like some thoughts on this because I'm at a loss. CPS came and went, and while the tip was "anonymous", we figured it out pretty quick. Well, my mom and I have had some pretty tense emails back and forth about the whole picture and I basically told her to F off. Fast forward to now and she emails me to ask if I'd come see a place she's thinking of getting for my 17 year old when she starts college. She also asks if I can bring the twins so we can have lunch together and she can at least see them for an hour tops. I personally do not have a problem with this, in my eyes it's supervised visits and it's a boundary I can live with. My H on the other hand is pretty pissed to say the least. He feels like she can pull the whole CPS crap and disrespect our family and him by not abiding by our rules (the whole incident that prompted this thread) and I'll just start talking to her like nothing happened when she wants. I don't know... I see it as she didn't ask to take my children for the weekend, she suggested lunch. But at the same time he's not working that day and feels like she's still disrespecting him by taking me and the kids away from him for a few hours. I really do see his side and a part of me wants to tell her again to F off, but my 17 year old is there too... She's excited about this place and she loves her siblings, so she'd like for them to come too. I'm so lost on this. Any help would be appreciated. I don't want to fight with my H on this. He asked me to ask you guys what you think. Thanks!!


Sounds like a dangling carrot. I might be wrong person to ask, I'm a real grudge holder!
Does 17 year old live with your mom? I just skimmed - would you be going to see 17 year old? Or all going to see grandma?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## golfergirl

To answer question - I agree with husband. Had it been the failure to return on time - hmmmm I could see your side, but CPS? She needs to feel consequence of that one. That's seriously effing with your family!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cherry

Yes, my 17 year old lives with my mom. My mom and my 17 year old are going to a college town together to look at this house for my 17 year old and they want me to see it as well and bring our twins. I really do see my H's side and I am also very angry with my mom, but I also feel very sorry for her... I'm afraid that's clouding my judgement on this whole thing, I have a few days before I have to make a decision, so I'm trying to get other thoughts on this. Thanks!


----------



## Cherry

golfergirl said:


> To answer question - I agree with husband. Had it been the failure to return on time - hmmmm I could see your side, but CPS? She needs to feel consequence of that one. That's seriously effing with your family!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, the CPS part is the kicker in all this


----------



## Cherry

Just thinking out loud.. the irony here is that here's a woman who has held grudge after grudge after grudge against my H over the years. And she has not forgiven my H for more than a year now over the whole divorce debacle. And she wants to see my kids after a mere 3 weeks since she pulled the whole not returning my kids on time and calling CPS. The consequence my H faces from wronging me, from nearly my entire family, is them shunning him, and my moms consequence is gonna be seeing my kids this weekend? Hardly seems fair. Am I off base on this, am I thinking wrong? :-( 


P.S. my H is pretty pissed, is that is point? I dunno, he's at work right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl

My children would have NOTHING to do with her after that mess. No way. Psycho. And I thought MY mom was bad.


----------



## Cherry

Thank you TG. I value your input as a poster. I've "seen" you around. And on some levels we think a lot alike.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl

People who behave this way CANNOT be given an inch or they WILL TAKE a mile. I learned that with my mom. She respects NONE of my boundaries and so I decided she isn't allowed in my life at this time. It's hard to do initially, but by doing so, you take back power and are more able to stick to it.

Even when I brought to her attention the things she does that bother me, or insult me, she dismissed them and said I was "oversensitive" just like she's done my whole life.

I'm too old for this crap. i wouldn't accept it from a friend, I will not accept it from my mother. Hopefully she'll learn, but until then, she is persona non grada.


----------



## COGypsy

I think your 17-year old is more than old enough to find her own ways to see her siblings. To me, just hearing that her $10k lawsuit against you is "frustrating" and that the result of her false report was some "tense emails", really indicates a lack of boundaries with your mother, which is probably a part of what your husband is reacting to. 

Your mother has done some incredibly hurtful, inappropriate and frankly, illegal things to your family. And it sounds like that's very easy for you to sweep away since she isn't doing _exactly_ the same thing twice. Has she even apologized for any of it? I'm guessing not. 

I think there are two key things to look at here. _Who is your loyalty to?_ Is it your job to appease your mother or is it your job to build a strong and healthy family with your husband? As part of that, _what kind of example are you setting with these choices? _ It looks to me like if you go to lunch, you show your kids that people can do whatever they want to you as long as they buy you something after. Granted, that's probably oversimplifying it, but that's the general idea.


----------



## that_girl

Also, if your husband is pissed, that's a no brainer.

Side with him.

They are his kids too. Don't show any division on that. Just my 2cents.


----------



## Cherry

I'm in that very early stage of trying to break this cycle with her. My H getting upset with me over this helped me to step back and ask why he would be upset... lol, I'm use to it - been happening all my life. But I also lost my 17 year old to that woman 6 years ago for her "being there for me" and listening to her BS - way long story. But my H knows that situation and can clearly see what she's doing, especially by calling Child Protective Services. Sometimes we're blind to people treating us bad if that's all we've known.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl

It's easy. Cease all contact.

I did it. She asked why, I said I need space. that was that.

I avoid her calls, emails, etc.


----------



## Cherry

COGypsy said:


> I think your 17-year old is more than old enough to find her own ways to see her siblings. To me, just hearing that her $10k lawsuit against you is "frustrating" and that the result of her false report was some "tense emails", really indicates a lack of boundaries with your mother, which is probably a part of what your husband is reacting to.
> 
> Your mother has done some incredibly hurtful, inappropriate and frankly, illegal things to your family. And it sounds like that's very easy for you to sweep away since she isn't doing _exactly_ the same thing twice. Has she even apologized for any of it? I'm guessing not.
> 
> I think there are two key things to look at here. _Who is your loyalty to?_ Is it your job to appease your mother or is it your job to build a strong and healthy family with your husband? As part of that, _what kind of example are you setting with these choices? _ It looks to me like if you go to lunch, you show your kids that people can do whatever they want to you as long as they buy you something after. Granted, that's probably oversimplifying it, but that's the general idea.




Thank you. The 10k lawsuit was for taking care of me not lawyer fees, bills, doctors stuff, nothing.... I think one of her line items was baby wipes and gas during 5 months. Crazy stuff and certainly no boundaries.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tacoma

No way Cherry.

She attempted to have your kids removed from you.

She`d never lay eyes on her grandkids again if she were my mother.

Stand by your husband.


----------



## COGypsy

Cherry said:


> Thank you. The 10k lawsuit was for taking care of me not lawyer fees, bills, doctors stuff, nothing.... I think one of her line items was baby wipes and gas during 5 months. Crazy stuff and certainly no boundaries.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's exactly it--crazy! "Frustrating" would be if she brought up the money she'd given you for gas forever and ever! I know it's hard to see when boundaries are crossed or even where they ought to be when like you said, you've always lived in the middle of that environment. But that's also why I was pretty black and white in outlining it too, even when things hardly ever really shake out that simply.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cherry

COGypsy said:


> Your mother has done some incredibly hurtful, inappropriate and frankly, illegal things to your family. And it sounds like that's very easy for you to sweep away since she isn't doing _exactly_ the same thing twice. Has she even apologized for any of it? I'm guessing not.


And no, she has never apologized, for anything. I think in her mind she really thinks what she does is okay so no need to apologize as far as she is concerned  

Thank you everyone for your insight! I actually called my H last night while he was at work and told him I was sorry for even suggesting I take the kids to see her after what had happened and I even told him that he was right and I was wrong  That was hard for me to do. But it is true in this situation.


----------



## Michelle27

Having seen the other thread the OP posted about her husband spitting in her face (and the other past abuse), I can't help but wonder if having CPS check in by might be a blessing...I think the OP should discuss this part of the family dynamic with the worker and there's a possibility the family can get some counseling over this. The whole situation is so sad. :-(


----------

