# Ive been married 21 years



## Dysfunctional Marriage

We all know marriage have its ups and downs. It’s been a lot of physical, verbal, and mental abuse in the marriage.So me and my spouse separated for awhile then we reunited and decided to give our marriage another try for the sake of our children. For many months I have been feeling lonely, in need of attention, etc . One min my spouse shows me attention . Then the next min he shows me nothing I just be sitting lonely on my phone bored . I feel like he’s addictive to his phone he’s always playing a game called clash of clan day in and out after work ( on the weekend) especially our alone time.Even as I’m typing this he’s playing it. Then when we get in an argument he always threaten me with divorce which is so tiring because he hardly spends time with me anyway. I’m so tired of feeling this way . I love him very much . My 8 year old asked me to pray with him and asked GOD to never let ME and his DAD BREAK UP 😞What Do u say to that ?


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## frenchpaddy

if we start with this 
. My 8 year old asked me to pray with him and asked GOD to never let ME and his DAD BREAK UP 😞What Do u say to that ? 
many children are hurt by their safety net been taking away and every child deserves to have two to turn to when needed 
it is good to have a father around but if the dad has his head in the phone he is not been a father 
and kids do scene things are not right and often the kids say they would have been better off if the two did the honest thing and let a little happiness into the family life 
it can't be good if the atmospherics is not good 

the kid is asking for more than just been together the kid wants family life , 
many kids grow up ok when their daddy or mother dies or signal 
so doing the best for the kid might be taking him out of this stale environment,
i need no go on 

second 
""Then when we get in an argument he always threaten me with divorce which is so tiring because he hardly spends time with me anyway. ""
you don't black mail someone that you love 
not a good reason for staying is it 

third
.""" For many months I have been feeling lonely, in need of attention, etc "" 
you said it not me read it again 


forth 
""" One min my spouse shows me attention . "" 
is this when he is thinking ( i need to get my rocks off) 

last
" it is good to have a father around but if the dad has his head in the phone he is not been a father "

there you have your response ,


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## D0nnivain

Have you ever asked your spouse what activities he thinks you two can enjoy together rather than him being on his phone? 

Are you willing to set up a schedule? Would it be enough for you if you had dinner as a family then watched TV together for 1-2 hours before he went back to playing his game? If you can give him specifics about what you want / need that would help. More is not specific. Tell him I want to take a walk. I want to play tennis. I want to . . .whatever. But have a plan


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## frenchpaddy

If you want to give your marriage another try for the sake of our children. 








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but the tow have to try 
the two have to be willing to play their part it is not enough to expect the other to do all the romancing or what ever is needed and if ane is trying the other has to be open to go with it 
it takes to tango


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## Sfort

Dysfunctional Marriage said:


> We all know marriage have its ups and downs. It’s been a lot of physical, verbal, and mental abuse in the marriage.So me and my spouse separated for awhile then we reunited and decided to give our marriage another try for the sake of our children. For many months I have been feeling lonely, in need of attention, etc . One min my spouse shows me attention . Then the next min he shows me nothing I just be sitting lonely on my phone bored . I feel like he’s addictive to his phone he’s always playing a game called clash of clan day in and out after work ( on the weekend) especially our alone time.Even as I’m typing this he’s playing it. Then when we get in an argument he always threaten me with divorce which is so tiring because he hardly spends time with me anyway. I’m so tired of feeling this way . I love him very much . My 8 year old asked me to pray with him and asked GOD to never let ME and his DAD BREAK UP 😞What Do u say to that ?


Physical abuse is a deal breaker.


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## CountryMike

The first physical abuse was the game changer, although other problems should bring an eventual split anyway.

It's a sad state of affairs but you do need to plan and execute leaving this guy in whatever form is best for you. 

You have to not let the child keep you in this relationship while realizing of course the boy will need to get some counseling anyway if he's observed a series of arguments or abuse. A tough path but not un-doable.

Plan, exit, start to heal. The sooner the separation the sooner the healing can start. 

Sorry you're going through this. You can get through this and life on the other side will be so much better there's no doubt about that.


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## perashlie

Find a hobby for yourself, get carried away with something so that there is no time for loneliness.


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## Dysfunctional Marriage

Thanks Guys!!


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## Anastasia6

Dysfunctional Marriage said:


> We all know marriage have its ups and downs. It’s been a lot of physical, verbal, and mental abuse in the marriage.So me and my spouse separated for awhile then we reunited and decided to give our marriage another try for the sake of our children. For many months I have been feeling lonely, in need of attention, etc . One min my spouse shows me attention . Then the next min he shows me nothing I just be sitting lonely on my phone bored . I feel like he’s addictive to his phone he’s always playing a game called clash of clan day in and out after work ( on the weekend) especially our alone time.Even as I’m typing this he’s playing it. Then when we get in an argument he always threaten me with divorce which is so tiring because he hardly spends time with me anyway. I’m so tired of feeling this way . I love him very much . My 8 year old asked me to pray with him and asked GOD to never let ME and his DAD BREAK UP 😞What Do u say to that ?


For the children..... Do you think you are setting a good example for your son on how a husband and wife should interact?

There is benefits to being together there are also benefits to being apart. How could you want your son to think that verbal and physical abuse are ok? That disengaging from your family to play a phone game is ok? Do you want him to treat his wife like that and when she complains say "It never bothered my mom"

In addition, you are a person. You are worthy of love and attention.

Personally I think with the situation you described you should seek a divorce because of the abuse. Physical abuse rarely gets better.

If you do decide you want to stay married then you two need to sit and make a schedule. Look at how many awake hours you two have. Spit them into time spent together and time spent on hobbies or phone. Of course you need time for household chores. Figure out how to date. Discuss with each other (not talking at the other) what makes you feel loved. Then literally write that in the schedule. Sometimes people need directions. Friday night, 7:00 date night go to a restaurant. or Friday, he brings me a small surprise <$20 you can even suggest the kind of surprises you might like. Many men feel loved when they have sex. Schedule that too. If you know the surprise or date on Friday will make you feel special and in the mood then schedule sex for Friday night.

This does several things. By you both expressing your needs the other has a chance to meet them. It's ******** when women say I just want him to do x without me saying anything. Of course that would be nice but men aren't mindreaders. It's also ******** when men come here and say.. my wife and I never have sex, I stopped initiating long ago because.... If they want sex they need to let you know. If you want a date let him know.

The next thing that happens is most people know it would be ridiculous to 'schedule' 40 hours of gaming a week. Yet many accidently game 40 hours a week because time slips away.

The agree to meet each week on whatever day you find convenient (but a set day and time) when you know you can talk without your son aware to discuss how the week went. I loved the chocolate you got me. Hey sex was great Wednesday, I'd like to do the thing.... that we did again. Or maybe he liked something your wore. Maybe you appreciated him cooking. It's also a time to express things that could have went better.

In the end you and he will grow closer or you'll see that you just aren't a priority and be able to exit knowing you gave it a good try.


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