# I don't understand how the LS can go back to having sex with the DS so quickly



## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

Please help? I see some LS on here saying they got huge increased sex drive after finding out about the affair. I have the opposite. I need lots of hugs but sometimes I can't stand for him to touch me. When he says sexy things I feel uncomfortable. I shrink away from him. Whenever he wants sex (I can tell even though he is being respectful about it) I feel like he is this foreign object that shouldn't be in my space. I tense up and want to run away. We've had sex once since it came out, and I only did it because we were both quite drunk. It was filthy sex (lots of swearing etc, animal) and over quite fast. I really regret that. I wanted our first time after D-Day to be special, when I was ready. I wanted it to be like the first time of our NEW relationship once it was all rebuilt. Instead we just had a drunken ****. Thoughts? Comments? Your Story?


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

Maybe the LS found out that their DS had an affair due to a lack of sexual attraction in their current relationship. LS found this out, researched a bit, and ****ed her like she's always wanted. Just a guess.


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## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

Not for us. We had a really great sex. NOW HE'S RUINED THAT.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

Yeah, I thought the same thing. But I was able to knowing that he sucked (I know A LOT of his past partners) the he did **** my wife HATES, and she was still having sex with me because she liked it. 

Well... for men, its basic instinct. Hell the Penis is shaped for it. Its the thought of "someone else dominated my things I am going to get it back" Kind of like the dog peeing on a tree thing. I have no idea how women do it, but that was my thinking. To be honest there are days where I turn her down because of the same reasons you describe. But a couple of great people on this website also told me, that if you really want to work things out, and you feel your LS wants to do the same sex can help. Hell it is helping me. I just get lost in the moment and go to town. I told her though, (we decided together to stop drinking though) that I want to get her crazy drunk and "ravage" her....in a sense make her "mine" again. haha, crazy I know, but it will help me feel better knowing the wife is willing to do that with me.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

The huge increase in the sex drive of both partners is commonly called Hysterical Bonding. Some may experience it, some may not.


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## justsam (Mar 14, 2011)

I totally don't understand how you could look at her/him the same way. I'm sorry, but those are "tainted goods" in my book.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

justsam said:


> I totally don't understand how you could look at her/him the same way. I'm sorry, but those are "tainted goods" in my book.


I still do. To be honest I do it with almost little emotion right now. I am doing it, because well....its either that or my hand. But, it does help. My story also has some other details that help me, but for some people sex is in one or both of the partners needs for feeling loved.


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

Bigwayneo said:


> Yeah, I thought the same thing. But I was able to knowing that he sucked (I know A LOT of his past partners) the he did **** my wife HATES, and she was still having sex with me because she liked it.


Then why'd she **** him? I don't get that, you're married to her. You've spent time learning to make love to her, you, in all certainty, are the best possible lover she can have and she betrays you for someone that hasn't and isn't. He's also just ****ty in general apparently. Why do WS's do that? I'd rather make love to my significant other who knows how to touch me and what I'm down for and vice versa. Now, you have to go through the whole process of learning each other and hoping for the best.

"Gee, I hope she can suck a ****."

"Oh, wow, he really doesn't know what he's doing down there. Left, damn it." 

That's just really stupid. :scratchhead:



justsam said:


> I totally don't understand how you could look at her/him the same way. I'm sorry, but those are "tainted goods" in my book.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:



Bigwayneo said:


> I still do. To be honest I do it with almost little emotion right now. I am doing it, because well....its either that or my hand. But, it does help. My story also has some other details that help me, but for some people sex is in one or both of the partners needs for feeling loved.


Hey, your hand will never betray you. Besides, if thy hand offends thee, cast it out. Anyway, can she feel that there is no emotion behind it?


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

"Then why'd she **** him? I don't get that, you're married to her. You've spent time learning to make love to her, you, in all certainty, are the best possible lover she can have and she betrays you for someone that hasn't and isn't. He's also just ****ty in general apparently. Why do WS's do that? I'd rather make love to my significant other who knows how to touch me and what I'm down for and vice versa. Now, you have to go through the whole process of learning each other and hoping for the best."

It's times like this where people need to learn to put there foot in there mouth. There is a lot more to the my "our" story then you know. You are right for the most part, but woman (and most men) know women (most women) have sex for the emotions....She was still doing me after she "did" him. I have proof they didn't go longer then 2-4 minutes. Does that make any of it okay? no. not one bit, they only tried twice, does that make it okay? no. but it sure helps me feel just a little bit F_cking better knowing that. Do I still look at my wife in ****ty way? all the time. But we are not going to "heal" or start on the path on getting over this by me **** blocking my self. In fact my issue right now is not getting enough, or when I want it.... But plan and simple, you don't know my whole story, and if you can not get over what happened and have sex, "good" for you. I understand 100%. Now understand what I am saying when I say, it is helping us out a bit. Though I know it is not helping the real problems, but the small bit of bliss helps.


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

Bigwayneo said:


> It's times like this where people need to learn to put there foot in there mouth. There is a lot more to the my "our" story then you know. You are right for the most part, but woman (and most men) know women (most women) have sex for the emotions....She was still doing me after she "did" him. I have proof they didn't go longer then 2-4 minutes. Does that make any of it okay? no. not one bit, they only tried twice, does that make it okay? no. but it sure helps me feel just a little bit F_cking better knowing that. Do I still look at my wife in ****ty way? all the time. But we are not going to "heal" or start on the path on getting over this by me **** blocking my self. In fact my issue right now is not getting enough, or when I want it.... But plan and simple, you don't know my whole story, and if you can not get over what happened and have sex, "good" for you. I understand 100%. Now understand what I am saying when I say, it is helping us out a bit. Though I know it is not helping the real problems, but the small bit of bliss helps.


No, I totally get the part about it helping you but I just don't understand the logic, I know there really isn't any, behind messing with someone that wasn't good as opposed to you. She even knew he was ****ty after the first time. I guess what I'm saying, if I'm really saying anything, is why would the coach bench his star QB that's won a Superbowl every year he's started for a QB that threw 3 interceptions and no touchdowns in a loss the last time he played?


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

MisguidedMiscreant said:


> No, I totally get the part about it helping you but I just don't understand the logic, I know there really isn't any, behind messing with someone that wasn't good as opposed to you. She even knew he was ****ty after the first time. I guess what I'm saying, if I'm really saying anything, is why would the coach bench his star QB that's won a Superbowl every year he's started for a QB that threw 3 interceptions and no touchdowns in a loss the last time he played?


Okay, your last post was worded kind of "jerkish". But I agree, it makes no sense. But then again affairs never do from what I gather. I also got some proof about what happened those nights as well, and her friends confided to me what she told them well, after I found out everything that is.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

For me my wife was tainted goods when I met her. I thought "hey she has a kid, she f*cks"
Well I got to know her and blah blah blah, we fell in love and blah blah blah, she cheated.

We still have sex and its hot and its rough and its great. Always was/is. Sex is great and its even better when you take the time to share and listen and be attentive.
Its nice having my best friend back, for me I feel cheated emotionaly. The companionship she looked for hurt more then the sex she had.

The fact that we screwed up our marriage enough for both of us to dismiss it, and behave poorly is far worse for me then the fact that see slept around.

Why could we both be more attentive, sharing and better listener, maybe none of this cheating crap would have happened. It sure as hell wasn't the sex aspect. 

As a guy my point is sex is more just physical, the loyalty or lack of, and the deciet thing is worse. I quess I'm trying to say is the trust is more tainted then the sex. I can show her game in bed with no prob. its the trust issue that isint so quick to come back.

This is just my perspective, I'm sure if I married a virgin I might be a little off on the sex thing IDK. If I had this pure white expectation of my wife being a virgin then I can see it, but when you don't and your expectation is to have a honest and loyal spouse but end up to go find "friendship" that end in sex well its hard to see who has your back.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

the guy said:


> As a guy my point is sex is more just physical, the loyalty or lack of, and the deciet thing is worse. I quess I'm trying to say is the trust is more tainted then the sex. I can show her game in bed with no prob. its the trust issue that isint so quick to come back.
> 
> This is just my perspective, I'm sure if I married a virgin I might be a little off on the sex thing IDK. If I had this pure white expectation of my wife being a virgin then I can see it, but when you don't and your expectation is to have a honest and loyal spouse but end up to go find "friendship" that end in sex well its hard to see who has your back.


I guess in a way I kind of feel the same as your first paragraph. But, I am also in the league as your second one. (out of the ones I quoted) My list of women "my wife", my wifes (as far as PA non-cybering sex goes) Me, and my ex-best friend....(If you include cybering/sexually pictures then some other ******* who has no morales.


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