# Finally figured out why I can't have sex with my Hubby



## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

So, after months of trying to and feeling the want to have sex, then getting to the point of opportunity and not being able to do it mentally/emotionally/physically, I finally figured out why I can't do it with him. Every time we do it, I'm flooded with painful thoughts and memories of our life together. Thoughts of how he has taken a lot from our relationship at my expense and I haven't gotten near as much in return. I see all the hunting trips and me begging him not to go. I see him and relive all the pain of him denying me sex when I so badly needed it (this one is the worst pain). I see me asking and begging for the one and only thing I've ever sexually wanted, and him not giving it to me, yet I gave him his version. 

I can't have sex with him because it hurts! It is easier for me to ignore my physical feelings of desire than it is to plow through the pain. The pain is too much. I end up crying before he's finished "doing his business." 

I never thought I could live without sex. I was always a sexually charged woman. Now I feel like I could live this platonic life forever as long as I don't have to do it with him. 

I'm thinking therapy for me and me alone.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

bhappy3 said:


> I can't have sex with him because it hurts! It is easier for me to ignore my physical feelings of desire than it is to plow through the pain. The pain is too much. I end up crying before he's finished "doing his business."


I know what you mean. i have the same feelings. counseling for yourself is a good idea. that's what i do.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Do you want to have a relationship with him? 

Is he capable or willing to be a partner that you can relate to?

If not, denying sex obviously isn't working. A selfish guy will just get it elsewhere while denying you intimacy and her commitment.

What are you waiting for?


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## karajh (Jul 25, 2009)

Sounds like you are in the wrong relationship!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

bhappy3 said:


> I'm thinking therapy for me and me alone.


Sounds like a good idea. You will maybe learn to have your own life and not beg to do everything with him. Different hobbies and time apart are part of every marriage and your expecations may not be realisitc.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

Sounds to me like you hate him. I wonder if I could have sex with someone I hate. hmm. Maybe you should try to forgive him? I mean, really forgive, not just say it. If you forgive him his trespasses it may open your heart to loving him again.





John


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

I feel for you.. Rejection always hurts.. Marriage without passion and desire can be painful.. I thin seeing somebody to work with this might be good..


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

My issue is getting past the pain. How do you work through it? How are people able to move beyond the pain their partner has created? 

I want to love him again. He is a good person. He has good qualities outside the bedroom. 

Right now I just feel so blank. That's the only way I can put it. I am just blank. I don't care if I wear my ring. I don't care about much anymore. 

Today he approached me for a quickie. WTF? Talk about insensitive! It didn't take more than a minute for the tears to start flowing. I just can't do it! Then he tells me that's why he's been so grumpy lately. Yeah, well he used to crucify me for being grumpy after he rejected me time and time again! His response? Yeah, well, I never totally wouldn't let you have it. 

Why do I feel like I'm beating a dead horse? It's not making me feel any better.


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## Catholic_RN (Aug 10, 2009)

The Marriage Encounter Weekend might work?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

bhappy3 said:


> Why do I feel like I'm beating a dead horse? *It's not making me feel any better.*


It's all about you. You you you. Until you look in the mirror and wake up, things will only get worse.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

bhappy3 said:


> My issue is getting past the pain. How do you work through it? .


You have to learn the art of forgiveness....


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