# Please help....



## confusedinohio (Jan 2, 2009)

Okay this is my first post on here and it is going to be long, because it is a long story, and would like to say thank you to anyone who takes time to read it and reply to it. This is all very personal stuff to me and nothing that I am proud of. Hoping someone can help me in some way though. 

So now to get to my story, like I said it's a long one. It started when was 17 fell in love with what is currently my husband and we had petty issues even back then. A couple years or so into our relationship things weren't going to well and he at one point told me he thought about leaving me for another girl even though he didn't end up doing it. After he told me that I ended up cheating on him with 3 different men, one of them being his cousin... We split up for about 3 months but we did get back together and when we did and he found out about my cheating and that one of them was cousin he became physically abusive toward me. The first time he was physical with me he left me black and blue for like a week... at one point during the attack he even hit me with a clothes hanger. So any ways I didn't leave him because I felt that I deserved it for one thing I suppose and for another was to embarrassed to let people see me the way he left me. There were a more incidents of abuse but none were as severe as that first time...The first time he abused me he had also made me throw out all my clothes and belongings. After awhile I ended up pregnant and we got married in Sept 2003 and our daughter was born in Jan 2004...He got physical with me one time when I was pregnant, he got me down on the floor and choked me (said he didn't do it hard enough to hurt the baby when I talked to him about it later)... Then once she was born he would still be abusive with me and even hit me one time while I was holding her, then told me that he would of killed me if I fell out of the chair with her or dropped her. Any ways he was still abusive towards me for awhile but eventually he made a promise to me that if he ever hit me again I could take our daughter and leave and he wouldn't fight me on it. So I stayed for awhile and he never did hit me again. I however during the time of our marriage used to play an online game and started getting emotionally involved with men on there and even had cyber sex with some of them and talked to a couple of them on the phone a few times.

I eventually left and left my daughter with my husband. Worst mistake of my life. I know now that I shouldn't have left at all but at the time that I left I was talking to one of those guys and he made me feel like I shouldn't be putting up with the things that I was and that I deserved better...I realize now that I was stupid for listening to him and I want nothing more in the world then to be back with my husband and my daughter...I miss my daughter so much everyday and pray to God I could be with her....I left her with my husband when I left because he is rich and my family is poor and I didn't have a job, no way to take care of her or any thing and he did. I did what I thought was right for her. I just wish I had thought it through more carefully and realized that I would be missing so much of her life...

So now I want my husband back and my daughter...want our family back but the problem is that I left him over a year ago and he has a gf now that he says he loves. He won't leave her to be with me and put our family back together, not that I can blame him, I don't deserve him to....I am pregnant by another man at the moment too so that doesn't help any either even though that man is not in the picture....I don't know what to do...I just know I messed up leaving him and our daughter and wish more then any thing that I could have him and her back and be with them everyday for the rest of my life but he doesn't want to make it work and won't leave his gf like I said...She got into his email and read some emails that I had sent him and told me that it felt to him when he almost lost her like it did when he did lose me....I don't know what to do or think any more....I just wish more then any thing that I had never left him.

I told him that I messed up and that I should have never left... Told him every thing I can think of to make him see how badly I want to be back with them....I have even been honest with him about the cybering and talking to the other guys online and such because he told me the only way he would ever consider being with me is if he thought I had changed and was being honest with him (and him and his gf broke up)... So like I said just looking for some advice... I know I messed it all up...Just wish I hadn't waited til it was to late to see that.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

The biggest mistake you made was leaving your daughter. You should have left him years ago. He is a serial abuser and does not deserve to have a spouse or a significant other in his life. Contact a lawyer about your rights as a parent as well as proper asset allocation and proceed with a divorce. With time you will get your life back in order and hopefully find someone who respects you and you in turn respect him. You’ve made mistakes to be sure but you did not deserver to be physically, mentally and verbally abused. See the light and know you are better off without him.


----------



## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

:iagree:

Go get your daughter! The biggest mistake you made in all this was leaving your daughter with an abuser! Go get your daughter and start your life over.


----------



## confusedinohio (Jan 2, 2009)

I know that leaving her was my biggest mistake. When I left he was telling me that if I took her he would kill me and my family both. He's told me if I try to fight him on custody that he'll do every thing he can to make sure that I don't get to see her at all, and that his family has enough money to make sure that he can do that and not only would I not get to see her but would have to pay child support for her if I fought him...and told me if by some chance that he didn't get custody that he would take her and disappear with her. On top of all this like I said he has the money to take care of her and I don't feel like I would be able to provide for her...I'm living in a 2 bedroom trailer right now with a total of 5 people living her already and baby coming soon...I would love to go get her and have her with me but I have no idea how to go about doing it or where to go for help...I have no job and no money...I didn't work while we were together, stayed at home taking care of our daughter.


----------

