# Loving wife is pregnant and scared, need advice!



## RAPOZO

Hello all! I am thankful I found this forum as it contains a lot of useful information and has many Q&A I'm interested in.

My wife is 25 and I am 27. She's a hair stylist and I work at a bank. We just found out (last night) that we are expecting. I'm very optimistic and happy about it but I know she is very scared. 
She works in a Salon and is worried about the chemicals affecting the pregnancy. But she's mainly worried because she feels she's not prepared. I think the main issue is that we do not know what to do or what steps to take. Our relationship is great but another thing that concerns her is how this will affect us financially.

I guess I need advice, I have never had a child neither has she. She does have asthma and gets scared very quickly when she doesn't know how to handle a situation.

After we spoke last night things calmed down and we joked around a bit about the baby's possible appearance, etc. But she is still scared. How can I counsel her? We had long talks last night but I felt I lacked words of encouragement and support. She does not want to let anyone know until she goes to the gynecologist but I think we should let our parents and close friends know for their emotional support and help. I don't want her to stress unnecessarily. Your input will be greatly appreciated.


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## northernlights

I remember the feeling of sheer terror when I discovered I was pregnant with our first. Totally normal! One thing that helped me was reading a few "what to expect when you're expecting" type books. Or you can read up online, it's all there on the internet too. I always liked Babycenter and their weekly updates. Remind her that you have 9 months to prepare!

I'm sure being a stylist is fine for the baby, but if she wants to be extra careful could she wear rubber gloves or something? The smell of the chemicals might bother her, so maybe she can stand near an open window or something. Her co-workers will probably figure out what's going on if a bad smell sends her running for the bathroom, but I'm sure they'll understand. 

Congratulations to you both! Parenthood is the most wonderful thing ever!


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## EleGirl

Yes I remember being scared too for a bit. And I'm someone who is seldom scared about anything except a physical threat. One thing that I recall was thinking that boy this was going to hurt at the end and there was no way out of it.

I'm sure that if you search the internet there are tons of sites with info about what to expect and ways to handle it. Mostly she needs for you to be loving and supportive of her.

Congrats!!


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## TheMarriageandFamilyClini

As a Marriage and Family Counselor and owner of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO I can tell you that from everything you described above, what you are feeling is 100% normal. It's perfectly normal for one or both spouses to be absolutely nervous because they have no idea what to do now that they're pregnant and because they feel unprepared to have a baby. You actually have an advantage because a lot of couples who think they're prepared find out they don't know as much as they thought they do after the baby comes. So acknowledging how you may be unprepared is a step in the right direction and will help you better plan for when baby comes. 

There are tons of good books out there that will help your wife. Probably the best one for her is 'What to expect when you're expecting'. When she has the baby shower I'm willing to bet that she gets at least one copy of this. It's pretty popular. 

The next best thing you can both do is talk to friends, relatives, parents, etc. that have children. Nothing can prepare you for a child like actually having one. So talk to a lot of your friends and family who have children and ask them what to expect and how to plan. They'll actually have a little better advice for you, too, because they know you and will be able to tailor the advice specifically to you. You can also check out my blog (linked from my website below) for some advice about parenting. Just do a search for parenting on my blog searchbar. 

Hope this helps,


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## SimplyAmorous

Oh a 1st surprise pregnancy... what an exciting time...and scary...so many questions are pounding in her mind right now, wanting to do the best thing... so much to figure out...with finances, work, if she is feeling nauseous & extra tired, things to buy for the baby (buying used will save you a TON)...

Her 1st visit to see the OBGYN will likely calm her a little, they will hand her literature to read.. 

This is a great book to help her understand every week/ month of pregnancy /what is happening. Tests the Doctors give, all of it.... I have found INFORMATION /knowing what is going on -has always been *my CALM*... my stress reliever. So Hopefully this will help your wife. You & her can always read together too. 

What to Expect When You're Expecting, 4th Edition: 

About the chemicals on the Job, a good question to ask the OBGYN on her 1st visit...found this on the net...



> *What if I work as a cosmetologist and am pregnant?*
> 
> The risks during pregnancy come from working conditions, number of hours worked and exposure to the chemicals used in treating hair. Studies show that because of improved dye formulas and better working conditions, fewer risks are associated with this type of work.
> 
> Proper working conditions are important. These include working in a well-ventilated area, wearing protective gloves and not eating or drinking in the work area. These precautions reduce the exposure to hair treatment chemicals.
> 
> Hair Treatment during Pregnancy : American Pregnancy Association


Congratulations !  This might be your wife in a few yrs, once she has this one, she'll love him or her so much, she'll want to do it all over again! You just never know.


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## Anonymous07

RAPOZO said:


> Hello all! I am thankful I found this forum as it contains a lot of useful information and has many Q&A I'm interested in.
> 
> My wife is 25 and I am 27. She's a hair stylist and I work at a bank. We just found out (last night) that we are expecting. I'm very optimistic and happy about it but I know she is very scared.
> She works in a Salon and is worried about the chemicals affecting the pregnancy. But she's mainly worried because she feels she's not prepared. I think the main issue is that we do not know what to do or what steps to take. Our relationship is great but another thing that concerns her is how this will affect us financially.
> 
> I guess I need advice, I have never had a child neither has she. She does have asthma and gets scared very quickly when she doesn't know how to handle a situation.
> 
> After we spoke last night things calmed down and we joked around a bit about the baby's possible appearance, etc. But she is still scared. How can I counsel her? We had long talks last night but I felt I lacked words of encouragement and support. She does not want to let anyone know until she goes to the gynecologist but I think we should let our parents and close friends know for their emotional support and help. I don't want her to stress unnecessarily. Your input will be greatly appreciated.


I'm pregnant myself and it was a complete surprise for my husband and I. We found out in late October that we're expecting our first bundle of joy in July. 

At first, I was scared. I had so many emotions and thoughts that went through my head about what would happen and how we'd make it all work out. I joined the babycenter forum and read up a lot on what to expect with my changing body and how baby is developing. The first prenatal appointment was also helpful in easing some fears, after seeing the ultrasound and talking with the doctor about the do's and don'ts of pregnancy. I'm not a fan of the pregnancy books, as they tend to treat pregnancy like some sort of disease. There is plenty of information online that I found so much more helpful than any book. I loved looking at the information online with my husband and seeing him read up on everything as well. We also talked to others who have recently had kids, like my cousin and our friend. They have been a great resource of information. 

I read somewhere before about the chemicals and all of that at hair salons are fine, but may make her feel super nauseous. That is just something she'll have to discuss with her doctor. 

Congrats! You have only just found out, so give it some time to sink in.


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## turnera

RAPOZO, I didn't get pregnant until I was 30, and I was terrified! Was it really what I wanted? Would I be a bad parent? Would it be healthy? All that jazz. Until then, I'd never even paid attention to kids. Once I got pregnant, all that melted away. DD is now 22 and I'm her best friend and she's amazing. 

I will tell you this. Both you and your wife should start reading psychology books. Try to read one every month or two, for the next few years. I did that, and I learned SO much about people and kids and raising good kids...just from learning about psychology. I can elaborate if you wish, but you have plenty of time. 

Congratulations!


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## Corpuswife

As some of the others have said....inform yourself! You will feel better once you have the proper information. Enjoy this time of your life! Don't sweat the small stuff.....(my lesson learned)!


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## SpinDaddy

*Book to Get:*“What to Expect When You’re Expecting”

*Website/Discussion Forums:*babycenter.com
*
Advice from and Old Man:*Choose your words and you actions wisely, for they are your children’s true inheritance.


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## RAPOZO

Guys thank you so much for your help. She's calmed down since and we are even considering namez :-D. She has an appointment with the OBGYON (I think that's how you spell it) for this coming up Tuesday. I'll definitely be doing some reading and will follow the psychology advice as well. I'm also going to tell her to come on here and learn from those with experience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## d4life

I just wanted to say congratulations!!! I remember the day that I found out that I was pregnant for the very first time. I was so nervous, and I remember that even driving was different for me because I found myself being very careful, more so than normal. It was like I went to work one way, took the test, and I left totally batty. :rofl: I promise it gets better, just give her some time.


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## N_chanted

if you do a google search for "free baby book" you can get a lot of links for baby supplies, magazines, and book offers. Statefarm Insurance used to give the Mayo Clinic book of Pregnancy and Childbirth, but i think that expired. Others do similar offers though.

There are so many things to worry about with Pregnancy and raising children. Dont focus on everything that you COULD worry about, but focus on doing your best for you and the child. 

There are tons of pregnancy sites, Yahoo groups has lists that are for the month and year of your due date, i'm sure that google lists has similar. 

Pregnancy today is also a good resource. there are just tooooo many to list!

Congrats to you both!


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## Anonymous07

RAPOZO said:


> Guys thank you so much for your help. She's calmed down since and we are even considering namez :-D. She has an appointment with the OBGYON (I think that's how you spell it) for this coming up Tuesday. I'll definitely be doing some reading and will follow the psychology advice as well. I'm also going to tell her to come on here and learn from those with experience.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How did the appointment go? 

Glad to hear she isn't as stressed out anymore. It takes some time to get used to this life changing news. I know it took me some time, but I am very excited now. Especially after announcing it to everyone, so I don't have to hide the news anymore. Hope you are all doing well.


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