# Help!!!!!My wife wont stop crying



## Marque

okay i'll try to cut a long story short without leaving out any important details.so me and my wife of 2 years(been together for 5)wont stop crying and is convinced that i hate her because i said some nasty things to her that i didnt mean.it all started when me and my wife had an argument because she wanted to leave me and our 8 month old son to stay at her mom's place.i was fine with her going to stay at her mom's,but she wanted to leave our young son with me.that would create problems because i work full time and my wife is a stay at home wife/mother.i tried to calmly explain to my wife that it would be best if she took our baby with her.but she just got mad at me and told me to "stop being so selfish" and i was like WTF "your the one who's being selfish i cant take care of our son while im at work what the hells wrong with you".she said she was "tired" i said i was tired too."but just because im tired doesnt mean i can just blow off work because i got you and the baby to provide for" i was fine with her leaving home to go stay with her mom.i was fine with her not doing not doing the house work but i was not fine with her leaving the responsibility of taking care of our son on me alone.we started arguing over the matter and it ended with me calling her a selfish *****,an aweful wife and an even worst mother.i also told i ****ing hate her and that i hope she never comes back.i also told her that i wish she wasnt the mother of my son and that i wished i had chosen her sister over her(me and her sister used to date and not to mention that she is extremely jealous of her sister)and that her sister would make a way better mother.my wife has never been and emotional person so i thought she would get over it if i said i was sorry and didnt mean.to my surprise my wife started crying i was so shocked i tried to hug her and tell i didnt mean the things i said but she just took of to go pack and leave.after she left i tried to call her on her cell but she wouldnt pick up so i just stop trying to contact her.

so for a month me and my wife had no contact.i was depressed during the first week i was so depressed i enlisted the help of my sister in law/ex girlfriend.even after we broke up we remain good friend.she moved in with me and my son.she works at a daycare center so she just took him to work with her.me and my sis in law decided that it was best if we didnt tell my wife about our arrangement expecially after what i had said to her.mind you nothing sexually happened between me and her.the only physical contact we had were hugs and kisses on the cheek.i couldnt thank her enough for all she had done for me and my son during my wife's absence.so about month later after the my wife left she shows up and walks in on me and her sister cuddling on with our son in the middle between us.i was surprised because i was planning on paying her a visit at her moms house to asked her when she was gonna come home.she ran of crying and went after her.i was on my knees begging her to come home.after taking time out to disscuss everthing and ensuring in her that i didnt sleep with her sister she deciding to come back to me and our son.

after her sister left she came came back.but there was something different about her she didnt seem as happy as she used to before the whole ordeal.so i asked what was wrong and she started to cry so i asked her why why she was cry she said its because of the nasty things i said about her.no matter what i say or do to reasure her that i love her with all my heart and think she's a wonderful mother.nothing works.this all happened in march of this year.and she's still hasnt got over things i said.she cant talk to me without crying we she could be in a room by herself happy as hell but the moment i walk in she starts crying.if i touch her she starts crying,if i try talking to her she starts crying if she looks at me she starts cry like what the hell.why cant she get over it i said i forgave but it doesnt help.im trying to be patient with my wife but im at my witts end.she doesnt want to go to therapy or any thing of that nature.all she does is cry herself to sleep to sleep every night and if i try to consolee her it only make things worst and she cries even harder.

im sorry if i went into a little bit of a rant.thanks in advance for your help.


----------



## that_girl

Well, you said things you didn't mean, but you still said them.

Don't know what to tell ya other than to wait it out.

You said you hate her.  I've been plenty pissed at my husband but I've never said I hated him. there's always a little truth in what we say, even if we didn't mean it.

You were mean. Simple as that. People cry when someone they love says they hate them.


----------



## Marque

that_girl said:


> Well, you said things you didn't mean, but you still said them.
> 
> Don't know what to tell ya other than to wait it out.
> 
> You said you hate her.  I've been plenty pissed at my husband but I've never said I hated him. there's always a little truth in what we say, even if we didn't mean it.
> 
> You were mean. Simple as that. People cry when someone they love says they hate them.


thank you very much for your reply


----------



## Golden

Hi marque, your wife may have post partum depression. My wife will cry frequently, not eat and some times down right ignore the world. Just my thoughts.


----------



## tacoma

Why did she want to leave you and her son to stay at her moms?

What brought that on?


----------



## Marque

Golden said:


> Hi marque, your wife may have post partum depression. My wife will cry frequently, not eat and some times down right ignore the world. Just my thoughts.


thanks for your reply :smthumbup:


----------



## Marque

tacoma said:


> Why did she want to leave you and her son to stay at her moms?
> 
> What brought that on?


i think it was stress.


----------



## misticli

Wow, honestly the situation sounds so soap opera to me.

Wife decides to leave to have time to herself and does not want to take child, you rightfully explain you cannot work and take care of the child at the same time. Everyone would agree you had a perfectly valid point. You fight however because she clearly is an emotional wreck and needs time alone time, and you are not offering her a compromise. So she leaves...

You then turn to her sister who you just threw in her face and she comes home to find you on the couch cuddling....What sane women would not think you slept with her? I don't even believe you didn't sleep with her just from what you wrote.

Sounds like you an your wife had a very large emotional gap before this occurred, she leaves, you turn to her sister for support. Her actions in leaving where 100% wrong, but you made her actions seem like nothing when you invited her sister that you threw into her face before she left.

You could have looked at daycare, grandparents, paying a sitter during the day, etc, but instead you have her sister come over. Why exactly if she works in a daycare and took your son to work did she have to move into your home? Are you not capable of taking your son to daycare and taking care of him when you are off work in the evening? There are a lot of single parents that do just that.

In your wife's mind, by doing this you just proved that what you said is true. This would strip the self confidence, love and respect from any spouse. I can see why she is crying. There sounds like there is so much more to this story. Your wife needs to decide to go to therapy. This is not healthy for either of you.


----------



## NoIssues

Time to read up on past partum and get her to the doc for a diagnosis and go from there. 

I have said things to my wife and she to me that we did not mean but we understand that and forgive it. 

Perhaps you can ask her if she has ever said something she did not mean out of anger to shed some light on what you did.

Ask her to write down what you said that bothers her the most and you can write down an explanation more in respect of the truth.

Perhaps you can shed some light on where the comments were coming from. Perhaps you can help be more mind***l of her beeding a break and make sure and arrange for it.


----------



## Lydia

Do you help your W out a lot with the child, or do you sit around and make her do all of the work?

I'm not sure your wife has post partum. I'm thinking it is the terrible things you said to her. Unfortunately she will always remember those things you said to her, which is why you need to learn to control yourself and not say things like that when you are angry.

I also think there is a lot more to this story than what you are sharing. 1) it is bizarre that your wife is wanting to leave and stay at her parents' house and leave the child at home with you, which is why I suspect that you don't help take care of the child or around the house, causing a need for her to get a break and force the child on you. 2) your relationship with your SIL is indeed weird. Why was it necessary for her to move in when she was baby sitting? :scratchhead: I would never move in with my sister's husband if they separated just for baby sitting - more like I would pick the child up on my way to work. 

definitely more going on than what you're sharing.


----------



## Marque

misticli said:


> Wow, honestly the situation sounds so soap opera to me.
> 
> Wife decides to leave to have time to herself and does not want to take child, you rightfully explain you cannot work and take care of the child at the same time. Everyone would agree you had a perfectly valid point. You fight however because she clearly is an emotional wreck and needs time alone time, and you are not offering her a compromise. So she leaves...
> 
> You then turn to her sister who you just threw in her face and she comes home to find you on the couch cuddling....What sane women would not think you slept with her? I don't even believe you didn't sleep with her just from what you wrote.
> 
> Sounds like you an your wife had a very large emotional gap before this occurred, she leaves, you turn to her sister for support. Her actions in leaving where 100% wrong, but you made her actions seem like nothing when you invited her sister that you threw into her face before she left.
> 
> You could have looked at daycare, grandparents, paying a sitter during the day, etc, but instead you have her sister come over. Why exactly if she works in a daycare and took your son to work did she have to move into your home? Are you not capable of taking your son to daycare and taking care of him when you are off work in the evening? There are a lot of single parents that do just that.
> 
> In your wife's mind, by doing this you just proved that what you said is true. This would strip the self confidence, love and respect from any spouse. I can see why she is crying. There sounds like there is so much more to this story. Your wife needs to decide to go to therapy. This is not healthy for either of you.


i couldnt bring my son to day care or pay a babysitter because i dont have the money and i wouldn't feel comfortable with leaving my boy with strangers and i cant ask his grand parents because their dead(both my parents).my sister in law was will to not only take care of my kid but also move in and do the house work.it just seem like the best option to me


----------



## Marque

NoIssues said:


> Time to read up on past partum and get her to the doc for a diagnosis and go from there.
> 
> I have said things to my wife and she to me that we did not mean but we understand that and forgive it.
> 
> Perhaps you can ask her if she has ever said something she did not mean out of anger to shed some light on what you did.
> 
> Ask her to write down what you said that bothers her the most and you can write down an explanation more in respect of the truth.
> 
> Perhaps you can shed some light on where the comments were coming from. Perhaps you can help be more mind***l of her beeding a break and make sure and arrange for it.


okay thanks for your input


----------



## Marque

Lydia said:


> Do you help your W out a lot with the child, or do you sit around and make her do all of the work?
> 
> I'm not sure your wife has post partum. I'm thinking it is the terrible things you said to her. Unfortunately she will always remember those things you said to her, which is why you need to learn to control yourself and not say things like that when you are angry.
> 
> I also think there is a lot more to this story than what you are sharing. 1) it is bizarre that your wife is wanting to leave and stay at her parents' house and leave the child at home with you, which is why I suspect that you don't help take care of the child or around the house, causing a need for her to get a break and force the child on you. 2) your relationship with your SIL is indeed weird. Why was it necessary for her to move in when she was baby sitting? :scratchhead: I would never move in with my sister's husband if they separated just for baby sitting - more like I would pick the child up on my way to work.
> 
> definitely more going on than what you're sharing.


i try to help my wife as much as possible with the baby and the house work.and secondly me and my sister in law are very close friends she just wanted to help her good friend out theres nothing weird about that


----------



## aug

Let see.

You compared your wife to her sister who also happens to be your ex-girlfriend.

Your wife walked in on you "cuddling" her sister, your ex-girlfriend.

I think you really need to set some strong boundaries for yourself.


----------



## aug

A suggestion: why dont you pick up and drop of your child at your SIL's daycare.


----------



## misticli

aug said:


> A suggestion: why dont you pick up and drop of your child at your SIL's daycare.



This is what should have been done. She did not have to move in. Why could you not take care of your son in the evenings yourself? 

Yes there is something weird about your wife coming home to find you cuddling with another woman, any woman, but especially the one you just threw in her face. You and your sister in law both knew it was wrong because you chose to keep it a secret from her, so lets be honest here.


----------



## Marque

aug said:


> A suggestion: why dont you pick up and drop of your child at your SIL's daycare.


i was gonna do that even tho it was gonna be a strain on my pocket.then my sister in law said she would help


----------



## pidge70

Honestly after all that you said to her and then compared her to her sister, your ex, and then she finds you cuddling with her....I'm surprised she is even still home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FormerlyCareFree

I'm sorry, but I have to say this, what you did is kind of unforgivable. You knew she was insecure about her sister, and that's what the fight was about, and yet you allowed her sister/your ex to stay in your house?! Plus, you let your wife leave in the first place without immediately going to get her, then you didn't contact her for a month?! 
Why were you "cuddling" with the sister? I don't believe for one minute you guys did not have sex, sorry. If that happened to me I'd be devastated. i'm not trying to judge you, I'm putting myself in your wifes position so you can see how it looks from an objective point of view. 
i know you can't turn back the hands of time and stop her from walking out, but that right there was your biggest mistake, and I tell you this for future reference. Next time you have an argument with your wife where you say horrible things to her, you don't leave her be for a month without calling, you IMMEDIATELY SET THAT SH*T STRAIGHT!!!!!!!
Fine if she had wanted to leave anyway, but you must awlays ensure you both seperate on good, talking terms. No wonder she stormed out when she caught you. 
Then lying to her about your ex/her sis staying there? what the hell is wrong with her sister? does she have rocks in her head too?
My goodness.. I know your wife cannot stop from crying, but you need to comfort her endlessly until she gets over it. YOU created this and if you truly do love her you must fix this. you're going to have to do all the dirty work, my friend. 

back to the OT, why didn't your wife want to take the baby with her? does she have trust issues with you that she's afraid to leave you alone? Is that why she wanted to leave the baby with you? be honest, you're anonymous here.


----------



## Marque

misticli said:


> This is what should have been done. She did not have to move in. Why could you not take care of your son in the evenings yourself?
> 
> Yes there is something weird about your wife coming home to find you cuddling with another woman, any woman, but especially the one you just threw in her face. You and your sister in law both knew it was wrong because you chose to keep it a secret from her, so lets be honest here.


my sister in law wated to move in to help with the house work


----------



## Marque

FormerlyCareFree said:


> I'm sorry, but I have to say this, what you did is kind of unforgivable. You knew she was insecure about her sister, and that's what the fight was about, and yet you allowed her sister/your ex to stay in your house?! Plus, you let your wife leave in the first place without immediately going to get her, then you didn't contact her for a month?!
> Why were you "cuddling" with the sister? I don't believe for one minute you guys did not have sex, sorry. If that happened to me I'd be devastated. i'm not trying to judge you, I'm putting myself in your wifes position so you can see how it looks from an objective point of view.
> i know you can't turn back the hands of time and stop her from walking out, but that right there was your biggest mistake, and I tell you this for future reference. Next time you have an argument with your wife where you say horrible things to her, you don't leave her be for a month without calling, you IMMEDIATELY SET THAT SH*T STRAIGHT!!!!!!!
> Fine if she had wanted to leave anyway, but you must awlays ensure you both seperate on good, talking terms. No wonder she stormed out when she caught you.
> Then lying to her about your ex/her sis staying there? what the hell is wrong with her sister? does she have rocks in her head too?
> My goodness.. I know your wife cannot stop from crying, but you need to comfort her endlessly until she gets over it. YOU created this and if you truly do love her you must fix this. you're going to have to do all the dirty work, my friend.
> 
> back to the OT, why didn't your wife want to take the baby with her? does she have trust issues with you that she's afraid to leave you alone? Is that why she wanted to leave the baby with you? be honest, you're anonymous here.


i have never given my wife a reason to suspect cheating


----------



## golfergirl

Marque said:


> i have never given my wife a reason to suspect cheating


Cuddling on sofa with ex? That's a reason. I think SIL is a beeyotch
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

The missus and I tell each other we hate each other all the time, especially during makeup sex. I don't think that's the issue here, but considering your sister-in-law (who is your ex-girlfriend and who your wife feels threatened by) moved in, looks like that really drove into her insecurities.


----------

