# Why I Am Scared to Let Go



## Sparkles422

I know I am becoming a bore with all my writing but it is important for me to use this as one of my tools to heal.

I, now, know why I have been holding onto this marriage: I am scared to let go. Yes, this person who went through the nightmare and pain of betrayal is afraid to let go..

Why: because I think I will have nothing and be nothing. Self esteem issues? Ah yeah. I thought I didn't have a problem there, I do. Great. Just fing Great. It wasn't enough to divorce that person but now I have self esteem issues.

I am in IC and I will bring this up in the next session.

Thanks Mr Dildo for all the hard work I have now. 

Maybe I ought to be grateful because I didn't know I didn't love myself but it was nice to think I was healthy. So much fantasy in my life for the last 10 years. Oy vay.


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## DelinquentGurl

Once you are over this difficult hurdle (and you will be some day) you will be able to look back and said "Wow...look what I went through and I'm still here."

Frankly, I think it would be abnormal if you DIDN'T feel some of the things you are feeling. Everything you are feeling is valid and to be expected.

Hang in there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

You are afraid to let go because 1. you're still not over the divorce/marriage (is anyone ever?) and because 2. letting go means accepting the reality the marriage is, in fact, over, and the future is UNKNOWN.

The UNKNOWN can be scary.

This is a process. No rush. You will get there


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## Cooper

When you are a part of something for many years and it fails (marriage) you are bound to have some self esteem doubts, how could you not? At some point you need to realize it just wasn't meant to be, it doesn't matter who did what, it just wasn't the right match.

One of the hardest things about letting go of your past is it means you need to start a new future, you can't fall back on the comfortable things, you must explore new and sometimes scary things, like dating! I try and force myself to do things out of my comfort zone, dinner by myself, catch a movie, last week I even went to a concert by myself, it was actually fun. Find something to do, anything just to get out and away from just sitting home and thinking. It's a big big world out there, experience what you can!


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## Sparkles422

Thanks Cooper.
I do get out but I haven't started dating yet. I have been asked out by several men but that will come in time.

I start back to school full time in January for a year and a half working toward a new career.

I will start going to the theater again (I love it), golf and kayaking but I just need to get the courage to do these things. It took alot of my courage to divorce this person, live with the torment for 6 months until the house sold, apartment and therapy.

I recently found an exercise online that really put it down in black and white; the pros and cons of being stuck with these feelings. I am trying to move on but it takes time. I did the exercise last night and now I can refresh my healing each evening.

Thanks all for your support.


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## Again71

Sparkles422 said:


> Thanks Cooper.
> I do get out but I haven't started dating yet. I have been asked out by several men but that will come in time.
> 
> I start back to school full time in January for a year and a half working toward a new career.
> 
> I will start going to the theater again (I love it), golf and kayaking but I just need to get the courage to do these things. It took alot of my courage to divorce this person, live with the torment for 6 months until the house sold, apartment and therapy.
> 
> I recently found an exercise online that really put it down in black and white; the pros and cons of being stuck with these feelings. I am trying to move on but it takes time. I did the exercise last night and now I can refresh my healing each evening.
> 
> Thanks all for your support.


What is this online exercise you mentioned as I so desperately need it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sparkles422

Again71:
I don't remember the web-site but I have the info as follows:

1- Begin a list of the costs of holding onto the past. Writing will reveal the true costs
2- Make a list of what life would be like with the freedom from the pain of the past
3- Weigh the pros against the cons and make a decision as to how you want to live your life
4- Make a list of things that you want to let go of in order to gain your freedom (blame, resentment, anger, self pity etc...)
5- As you look at #4, take a look at the cost involved in holding on. For example: Holding onto blame makes you a victim-giving that person control over you. To give up blame and victimhood, you need to take full responsibility for yourself, your life and your feelings.

Well, I did it and now I review it. And it did help. Everything that keeps the focus on myself and has to do with growth helps.

Good luck.


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