# Help Me Not Hate My Husband



## LoveMy2Boys (Apr 16, 2013)

I have 2 boys, 7 and 2. When our second was born, after years of infertility treatments, I was ecstatic. The second day in the hospital my husband accidentally dropped him. I know it was an accident. My rational side knows it was an accident. But for two years, I have hated my husband for what could have happened. I can't stop hating him. I don't know what to do. I have talked to a therapist who told me I have to find a way to get past this. How?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Please read up about PTSD. You were traumatized by the combination of childbirth and then that potentially tragic accident of your H dropping your baby. If you can understand more about PTSD, you can probably get over this.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Look at it as an accident. Did he drop your son on purpose? Probably not. 
Accidents do, indeed, happen. 
I know that with both my children, i was absolutely TERRIFIED that i would drop them when they were new borns. 
Your therapist could perhaps come up with something a little more constructive. 
I can tell you to "find a way to get over it".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Forgiveness sets you free more than anyone else


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

What do you mean by hating him? Are you still living with him?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My SIL accidentally dropped her baby in the bathtub and the baby suffered a fractured skull. It was a complete accident and the baby slipped out if her hands. Now her baby is nearly 17 and driving her own car. There was not permanent damage by any means.

My daughter and I were playing a game 5 years ago and she broke my neck leaving me disabled. A complete accident and my whole life has changed and I've become a prisoner in my own body. Not once do I blame my child for this accident.

Accidents happen. Be grateful there was no serious injury. You must find a way to get over this. What your doing will destroy your marriage. Not forgiving your husband is disrespectful. Hating your husband is selfish.

Only you have the power to forgive him. If you can't forgive him, then move on.


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## LoveMy2Boys (Apr 16, 2013)

I completely respect everyone's opinion. I'mInLove, I truly feel like if my child did something, I would be able to forgive him. I am just so angry because what kind of idiot doesn't hold onto a newborn tightly. He could have prevented what happened if he had been more careful. He is just a careless person. 
My therapist did say I had PTSD, but she said I should be over it by now. I'm not. We still live together and I try very hard to look past this. We had a beautiful relationship up until this point. I just look at him differently now. I look at him like he's a big **** up. I can't help it. Everything he does is careless. I don't want to ruin my marriage, but I don't know what to do. He won't go to counseling with me, btw.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Was your baby harmed when he dropped him?
Like, residual harm...speech/developmental problems?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoveMy2Boys (Apr 16, 2013)

Thank God, no. He is perfect. I thank God for that every day. I pray about it all the time. 
I just am so mad because his carelessness could have taken so much away from all of us. I hate him for it.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Consider getting another therapist. Seriously.
The point of it is to teach you how to deal with it. Specifically ask for tools, plans, methods. Google might have been more valueable?

There are some affirmations websites specially for getting over the past and resentments. Visualizations. Not sure if they are recommended for PTSD? Look up:
Letting go


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

But he did not take it anything from you, even doctors have dropped babies I know it sound like a joke but, my sister was actually dropped.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoveMy2Boys (Apr 16, 2013)

Thank you all for your time and help. I want to be able to move past this. I want us to have a happy family. My children deserve that. I just don't know where to begin. I am going to get another therapist.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

LoveMy2Boys said:


> Thank you all for your time and help. I want to be able to move past this. I want us to have a happy family. My children deserve that. I just don't know where to begin. I am going to get another therapist.


I think you need to see someone. I can understand harboring resentment if there were damage, but the baby is fine. It was an accident, let it go.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

If I honestly hated my husband I'd divorce him. 

Actually I did hate my first husband for how he treated me. I left and I moved on. I remarried a wonderful man and we are very happy together. 

It sounds like your not emotionally there for your husband, which is fine. Then let him go and move on. Holding into this hatred is not good and you know that.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

LoveMy2Boys said:


> Thank God, no. He is perfect. I thank God for that every day. I pray about it all the time.
> I just am so mad because his carelessness could have taken so much away from all of us. I hate him for it.


ok then, so he wasn't harmed.
it was an accident.
I agree, holding on to "hatred" for you spouse, is unhealthy.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

LoveMy2Boys said:


> Thank you all for your time and help. I want to be able to move past this. I want us to have a happy family. My children deserve that. I just don't know where to begin. I am going to get another therapist.


Awesome! Yes, it's like choosing a dentist or a doctor. Do some research, ask questions, and the right one will make a big difference 

Letting go of things is hard to advise on... because it's something you have to do for yourself, and since we are all so different, you may have to try a few different methods to find one that works for you.

Hugs to you for knowing what the problem is, and wanting to find a solution. Best wishes!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Maybe part of you feels like he didn't care that much or the baby wasn't that important to him if he was that careless? If that's the case perhaps acknowledging it will help you see it isn't true and you can move forward. My ex dropped our younger son on his head and I'd always felt like he didn't want this son all that much and that's why he was careless. I divorced him for other reasons but it really was an accident. FYI, our son is almost 10 and he's fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I would try reversing the scene in your head. Play it where you dropped the baby. The baby isn't harmed but your husband still can't forgive you about this one accident two years later. Is that fair? 

When the thought comes to mind, try replacing it with positive ones about the good things he's done. It may help also.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

First, forgiving someone really does nothing for them It only helps you recover. You, I'm sure, have enough stress in your life without clinging to an event that happened years ago.

The past is over and can not be changed. The future isn't here yet. The only thing we have is now. We have to make the best of that we can.

No one was physically damaged by what occured. So give yourself some relief.

You would NOT want to forget what happened, even if you could. But, you can neatly put in a box in you mind and decide to only visit it sometime in the future, when you really need it.

I think you will find, the time between visits will become longer each time.

Side Note: I truly don't believe you HATE your husband. I do, however, think you are quite disappointed in him. If you really hated him, you would have divorced him by now.


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