# Husband lied



## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

My husband lied to me today. We are a blended marriage. Both our second marriages. We each have two chilldren. I also adopted my 17 year old sister. (Our mom was sick and passed.) so we have 5 kids together.

We both work full time and make about equal pay and share all finances.

His kids are 8, 10 and mine 8, 4. My husband is loving, romantic, the best father and husband. His fault is his temper. 

In January his kids were moved to Georgia by his ex so we can't see them as often. We get them Around Christmas. I have been asking him for months to get plane tickets and he barely is looking in to it. I'm very stressed about coming up with money for flights for them and Christmas gifts for 5 kids. I started stashing money and saving it a couple months ago. We had $600 saved. 

Well yesterday my husband says he's looking in to ticket prices. I found some for $400. I was already stressed about where that money was coming from. He told me after school care was paid for December so my child support could help pay for that. I asked him to count the money I stashed and he went in our room and counted the cash. He came out and said we have $300. I flip because where's the other $300 I saved? He says he doesn't remember what we did with it. I was upset but he tells me we can make the tickets work so I felt better.

Well today I got a text saying he's getting the boys tickets. I say how much and he says $600. I said no we need more quotes and I checked the bank and he already bought them by the time he told me the price. Didn't even discuss with me as this was $200 more than we planned. 

So I was pissed but didn't let it ruin me. However while I was in the bank records I see he withdrew $200 at an atm today. I asked him about it when he got home and he said "I am going to pay a bill with it." I said "what Bill?"
He paused and was stumped and couldn't come up with a lie and answered "I don't know"
So I'm thinking wtf is going on. Then he flips and starts crying and saying he is replacing the money from the drawer that he took to make me "happy." He went in the room and put that cash in our drawer with the other stashed cash. So then I'm saying then why did you just lie to me? He says "I'm sorry I'm an idiot."
So then I'm in shock that he's lying to my face. Over and over. And I'm fuming. I storm to my room and lock the door. I look in the money envelope and there's only $300. So I think ok he must have put that money somewhere else. I asked him where it was and he said he put it in the envelope. So I yell at him to explain what's happening. Feels like I'm in twilight zone. And he said that's all the money we had. So yesterday when he told me we had $300 we only had $100! He said he paid after school care with it a long time ago. So I'm guessing it's not all paid like he's said it was. All my families Christmas money gone! 

I'm so shocked. I never thought he was capable of lying so much. And he deceived me into thinking we could afford those tickets. And now we have no Christmas money! I'm so upset. I'm wandering if I'm ready to leave. He's otherwise a great man but honesty must be present. Is this repairable?
I told him to cancel those tickets or there's no fighting for us. He straight up said he won't.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your husband appears to be irresponsible with money. I wouldn't share finances with him. Call daycare and confirm if it has been paid through December. I know you share finances, but doesn't it strike you wrong that he just expects you to spend your child support on his kids? And, now you have no money to buy your children presents. Hope your ex-husband doesn't get wind of this.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

$500 is missing? Is there any chance of gambling or drug problems?


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

I am def calling the school Monday morning to find out. I suspect it won't be paid. 
And i opened my own bank account


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

He doesn't do drugs or drink. No idea what he would use money on. We make ok money he shouldn't have needed it


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

Accountant here. If your marriage was a business entity, we would call your husband's behavior embezzlement. Pull a credit report. Maybe he has debt he's hiding from you. Its also possible that he's hiding a drug or gambling habit or even an affair.

Sent from my VS986 using Tapatalk


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You labeled him " the best father and husband", you sure about that?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Up until now have you share a bank account? Who pays the bills?


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Most problems, especially those concerning money are fixable...however, you can't solve a problem without all the information..

You need to know what the heck is going on with your finances. It sounds as if a sit down with your husband is in order. Keep it calm, if he gets upset...then deescalate, keeping him calm will get you where you want to be...which is in possession of the truth.

Good luck, stay calm...its a problem like any other, and like any other can be solved


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

If your XH finds out your current H is stealing/using child support that he sends for his kids, he could petition the court to lower the amount.

I'm glad you're starting to keep your, and especially your kids', money separate.

Buy your kids and family presents from your money. Let your H worry about his kids. Or tell them he spent the extra $200 on plane tickets. He stole money from your kids for his kids. That is unacceptable.

Demand your H replace every dime of the money he took. I'd then insist on MC, but *NOT *with one of those _happy-families-at-all-costs_ type of therapists.

IamSomebody


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"So I'm thinking wtf is going on. Then he flips and starts crying..." 

This is really weird - it's like he was getting ready for the sh!t to hit the fan. He spent money on something or someone.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> "So I'm thinking wtf is going on. Then he flips and starts crying..."
> 
> This is really weird - it's like he was getting ready for the sh!t to hit the fan. He spent money on something or someone.


Agreed. You don't steal cash from your spouse to pay for daycare.


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## hurts more than i realise (Nov 20, 2015)

you need to get to the bottom of this. Where is the money or where did it go. It may not be as sinister as you think but whilst you do not know the truth you will assume the worst and it will consume you. Even if he has taken it to buy you something special and cant tell you insist he does.

There is a lie for a reason good or bad you need the truth so that you can resolve the mental torture you are now inflicting on yourself


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

IMO he should start looking on craigslist to see if there are any odd jobs he can do to make some fast cash or stuff he can sell to get that money back but ITA that you need to find out where it went


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

So I have been bugging him to show me his individual bank account. All that goes in is his disability and it pays our mortgage. Well when I ask to see those statements he gets angry. He finally screen shotted it and texted it to me. But I wanted the whole report as I knew he could cut things out. Today I told him I wanted to see. He lets me while he's hovering over my shoulder. Sure enough he had a $300 charge. Turns out he had a speeding ticket. I think that's what he took the cash from my bonus for. 
I feel like he's a pathological liar. I've never seen this side of him before. He said he didn't want to disappoint me. Yet he keeps lying over and over. I don't know what to do. I can't trust any thing he says or does. I know I can't afford to live on my own. And my kids look at him like their idol.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

So he stole the money to pay the fine? Either he is a liar or doesn't feel safe enough in the marriage to disclose that he got a speeding ticket. Are you a controller in the marriage? 
For a grown man to cry and hide a speeding ticket says an awful lot about the state of your marriage. To my mind (I am a female) you may have bigger issues with control. 
Sit down and talk to him.


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

We've been together for 3 years and I can't count the amount of tickets he got
He got kicked off his insurance for so many tickets. We were quoted $900 a month for car insurance because of his wreck less driving so yes I would have been pissed


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Wow, you sound like a bossy wife but your husband probably is bringing that out of you, if he's not stepping up. can't be wasting family money with bad driving and then lying about it. That's not cool at all.

Are you sure there not something else going on. If you've ruled out drugs/alcohol and gambling, then the only thing that comes to mind is woman. I'd check check his bank/credit card accounts closely and also check his phone, email, and social media. Not trying to make you panic but if he's all of a sudden getting weird and irresponsible then you need to make sure you nip that $hit in the bud.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Ahhhhhh so maybe he really is a good guy and a nice guy - but is a bit irresponsible and is ashamed of it. Nth at makes much more sense.

Look - everyone has flaws so you have to decide what type of flaws you'll accept.

I would do as others have said and let him know that you don't want financial matters to ruin your relationship, so you want to separate some things for a while to be sure your financial priorities are met. That means school, food, kids, presents, etc. if he gets more tickets he'll have to work out some sort of payment plan - you can't let those issues be more important than your financial issues.

Believe it or not there are many many worse things that could have been going on... though I agree this has to be addressed


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Mrs. Rodriguez said:


> We've been together for 3 years and I can't count the amount of tickets he got
> He got kicked off his insurance for so many tickets. We were quoted $900 a month for car insurance because of his wreck less driving so yes I would have been pissed


Why is he such a bad driver? Why isn't it possible for him to drive differently?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Mrs. Rodriguez said:


> So I have been bugging him to show me his individual bank account. All that goes in is his disability and it pays our mortgage. Well when I ask to see those statements he gets angry. He finally screen shotted it and texted it to me. But I wanted the whole report as I knew he could cut things out. Today I told him I wanted to see. He lets me while he's hovering over my shoulder. Sure enough he had a $300 charge. Turns out he had a speeding ticket. I think that's what he took the cash from my bonus for.
> I feel like he's a pathological liar. I've never seen this side of him before. He said he didn't want to disappoint me. Yet he keeps lying over and over. I don't know what to do. I can't trust any thing he says or does. I know I can't afford to live on my own. And my kids look at him like their idol.


He's acting like a teenager. They lie and hide things to avoid facing up to it with their parents. A lot of times it is because they don't want to disappoint their parents and lose some of their approval or respect. Sometimes it's because they want to avoid punishment or their parents' anger. Sometimes it's all of the above.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Not as simple. He committed financial infidelity. The fact that you have to protect the child support so he does not squander it for his own sake is also telling about him. Plus he wanted to use her child support for his own benefit. Not exactly just a good guy that does unintelligent things from time to time.

The fact he kept lying and in no way corrects his own behavior is another issue.

So, what money there is left, just buy your own biological children presents and let him explain to his own children why daddy is at fault for stealing money that you save for them as well.

It may not seem that fair to your step children, but he placed himself in that situation.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Agree with Mr Fisty, but how long has this being going on? have you enabled him in any way by covering his money problems? You can still love one, be with them but not enable them, time to play hardball methinks.
You are separating your finances, first smart move. Keep meticulous track of all outgoings, I would buy a small ledger to do this.
He will probably ask for money, you decide whether you want to lend or not, keep a record.
The first problem seems to be the driving, maybe ask him to give up the car and take public transport for a while or car pool.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

jsmart said:


> Wow, you sound like a bossy wife but your husband probably is bringing that out of you, if he's not stepping up. can't be wasting family money with bad driving and then lying about it. That's not cool at all.
> 
> Are you sure there not something else going on. If you've ruled out drugs/alcohol and gambling, then the only thing that comes to mind is woman. I'd check check his bank/credit card accounts closely and also check his phone, email, and social media. Not trying to make you panic but if he's all of a sudden getting weird and irresponsible then you need to make sure you nip that $hit in the bud.


I'm LOLing at the bossy part. She's bossy because she wants to know where the money he stole went, hahaha.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Doesn't that still leave $200 not accounted for? Or did I misread the first post?

I still think HE should be responsible for making up the money that is done by checking craigslist for any odd jobs he could do, anything he could sell. Even if he's shoveling snow (or mowing lawns, I don't know where you live  ). 


So he has a temper and lying as his faults. 
How were you able to live before you met him? It may not be as impossible as you think to afford to live on your own if that is what you want to do. 
Could you suggest therapy for him to deal with his lying and avoiding?


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

Thanks for all the replies. I'm in a dark lost place right now. 
I really am resenting his kids. So he has a almost $400 speeding ticket he lied about. He drives around in company car all over all day so he is at a higher risk of wrecks but I guess he got a speeding ticket.
He took out 500 from our Christmas money
He paid $600 on plane tickets with out getting my ok first 
This is all with in two weeks
I feel deceived 
I would've never agreed knowing he cleaned us dry and all these lies were going on

I immediately told him to cancel those plane tickets and he says no. It makes me resent him and the kids because I'm number 2 to him. I feel like marriages are so much work. This is a prime example why spouses should be first. Because now all this lying happened


We are in marriage counseling because we are trying to work through our issues. We just went two days ago and our counselor had him promise me to not lie to me and here we are again
I'm lost

We just bought a new house and I don't think I could survive with this expensive mortgage


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

It shouldn't be hard to separate your money since you both make an equal amount. Split the bills and household needs in half and each put that amount towards them. What's left is for you and your kids, his is for him and his kids. If he blows his money on speeding tickets then he's out of luck for a while. He should also be saving from his own amounts for things like plane tickets, you would pay for all your children's, and sisters, needs. 

I'd also not keep any more cash in your home. 

Money is one area I am totally ok being "bossy" about but I keep my stuff separate so I can have total control of it on my end, with his end, whatever is his share of the bills and household needs gets taken out payday morning and the rest he can do with what he wants. We tried many other ways but this is all that worked when we are so different in our views on money. 

Like you, I plan ahead for things like Christmas. I would be devastated if something like this happened. 

With the plane tickets, can he still cancel and get the $400 ones? When does he get his next paycheck and how much do you guys typically have extra from your pay that doesn't go to bills? All of his would be gone until the money was paid back IMO.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How can he collect disability if he is working? So, his disability pays the mortgage, what about his paycheck? How would his company react if they learned about the speeding ticket in a company car?

Are you sure those tears weren't crocodile tears?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> *How can he collect disability if he is working? * So, his disability pays the mortgage, what about his paycheck? How would his company react if they learned about the speeding ticket in a company car?
> 
> Are you sure those tears weren't crocodile tears?


That's what I was wondering, too.

And does his company know about his lousy driving record?


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

Your money sharing plan sounds great. I honestly thought it was weird when people split finances. But obviously I have no choice. And that's great that he would have to pay for his kids tickets. I like that. 

He gets disability from being medboarded from the army, he was in 13 years. He can still work as long as it's not physically demanding.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Yes you should be number 1 but in second marriages the children from the spouses are usually number 1 which causes resentment with those spouses and that's why the divorce rate is higher than for first marriages. Even with adult children that are out of the house there is conflict because like in your case the spouse gives money to his/her children. 

I think in most marriages like first ones or ones without stepchildren it's better to have money pooled together but in second marriages where there is the conflict with money and who pays for what for a child then it's a good idea to each have their own money and pay for the household expenses form you own accounts, that way you aren't resentful about the family money being spend on his kids and you can protect your money if the marriage ends


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You should set up a joint account for expenses which doesn't have a cheque book, only way to access money is online or via debit card and only you have password etc. This joint account is for paying the bills.
Your salaries are paid into your private accounts and a standing instruction to cover each of your share of the bills should be made from the private accounts to the joint account at the beginning of each month (once the salaries are in).
Nowadays most household bills can be settled via standing instruction or online transactions from the joint account. When it comes to groceries/petrol etc use the joint account debit card or a credit card that is settled automatically at the end of the month from the joint account.

if he does not pay his share and bills do not get paid, that is on him. This arrangement will give you a better handle on finances. That is what my H and I do.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

The fact you would go after his relationship with his children - he should divorce you !!!

Your kids live with you year round, his visit several times a year. He is good with your kids.

Your willingness to damage his relationship with his children is light years beyond his transgressions. Again, I think for that alone he should move on from you. 

Where is your head lady ? 

He was and is wrong. But you have major empathy issues. He needs to move on.

In this matter you are the parent who holds a child's hand on a hot stove to teach them a lesson.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

JohnA said:


> The fact you would go after his relationship with his children - he should divorce you !!!
> 
> Your kids live with you year round, his visit several times a year. He is good with your kids.
> 
> ...


where is the dislike button?


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

jsmart said:


> Wow, you sound like a bossy wife but your husband probably is bringing that out of you, if he's not stepping up. can't be wasting family money with bad driving and then lying about it. That's not cool at all.


It doesn't sound like she's a bossy wife at all. She stashed money to pay for his kids plane tickets, it sounds as if she's a very considerate wife to me.

If my wife got enough tickets that she got kicked off her own insurance and had the rates up to $900/mo and then got another ticket I'd be pretty damned pissed as well. That's not a bit of bad luck or being in the wrong place at the wrong time, that's someone who doesn't give a rats a** about the consequences of his actions.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

No, he should not cancel the tickets. And try to lose the resentment. It's not the kids fault AT ALL and they need and deserve to see their dad. 

Yes, you should separate finances. But only give him the finances you can afford to not have paid. Mortgage being his responsibility might not be the smartest move. Internet, cable, entertainment expenses, etc. might be a better bet to let him carry. Because that way if they don't get paid, it's not as big of a deal as missing out on a mortgage or electric bill. Try to make it as even as possible, but it might not end up being that way, as most times, bills ARE necessary. Sucks to be where you are, but bills have to be paid first and foremost. NO more cash in the house. Open a savings account.

My ex was awful with money. He gambled away $500 at Christmas one year too. I remember being so pissed off. There were times when I had to pay the electric bill or buy groceries on my credit card because he blew money. In the divorce, guess who footed that bill? Yea, me.

You need to woman up and sit down and have a talk. And he needs to man up and come clean. Lies to cover shame are not uncommon, but agreed, not acceptable.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

As'laDain said:


> where is the dislike button?


So you are saying to his kids "tough luck kiddos, your dad screwed up so he gets to get to take care of my kids only for the next year. Better luck next year.

She and you need to get a grip and look at the big picture. What he has done does not warrant holding his kids hostage . 

If she divorces over his driving and hiding money, fine it is a truly legit readon to do so. Deny access to kids ? Screw that it is evil.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

She stated that she wanted him to cancel the tickets to find lower priced ones. She was able to find ones for $400 and the ones he got are $600. That along with his stealing the money in the first place is on him. She should not be responsible for his mistakes or his children. It's HER child support payment that he is spending on these tickets in the first place. 

I'd still be expecting the little ****** to be looking for anything he could sell or do cash work that could pay back what he stole - and the plane tickets- ASAP. 

If the OP splits the expenses, which I hope she does, then it will all be on him. If he doesn't save enough or he blows all his money on crap then it's only him damaging his children if he can't pay to fly them out.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Well, exactly. The bills haven't been split up until now, so she is partly responsible for the kids making it or not. Next year, with bills split, if he can't come up with the cash for the tickets then its 100% on him. She 1. Doesn't need to get in the way of the kids coming (not paying for it next year is not getting in the way, but canceling tickets this year would be) and 2. Doesn't need to give him a reason to be resentful towards her. Sure, if the tickets could have been secured for $400, he should find a way to make up the $200 deficit. But we all know how volatile ticket prices can be.....they could have been $400 yesterday, and $600 today.

Bottom line is he is in the wrong. But messing the kids up because of his wrongdoing is just plain heartless.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Mrs. Rodriguez said:


> I'm so shocked. I never thought he was capable of lying so much. And he deceived me into thinking we could afford those tickets. And now we have no Christmas money! I'm so upset. I'm wandering if I'm ready to leave. He's otherwise a great man but honesty must be present. Is this repairable?
> I told him to cancel those tickets or there's no fighting for us. He straight up said he won't.


You're overwrought and reacting under strain. Step back a bit. He obviously feels guilty about being so far away from his own kids, while living with yours. He also probably feels bad about not having the money upfront to pay for the tickets and feels bad about stealing and lying to you. He's caught between a rock and a hard place. If you insist that his children don't come, what kind of Christmas do you think you will have with him?

I don't think you should make the rash decision to leave him over this if you love him. I'm sure he has learned his lesson. Once you've both calmed down, make a better financial plan so that this doesn't happen again.

Don't let some $$$ ruin your relationship. If everyone gets along (his kids and yours), you can have a nice Christmas anyway.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

The first year after my separation our Christmas tree was a fake bamboo plant that my best friend had in her house (that we lived in because we couldn't afford our own place.) My kids had a few things from Tractor Supply because I worked there and got a 15% discount and could put stuff on layaway. (They sell tools, animal feed, and work clothes mainly....with a handful of toys at Christmas.) We had no heat in the house that winter, but luckily had a fireplace and a lot of downed trees. One of the best Christmases EVER.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

JohnA said:


> So you are saying to his kids "tough luck kiddos, your dad screwed up so he gets to get to take care of my kids only for the next year. Better luck next year.
> 
> She and you need to get a grip and look at the big picture. What he has done does not warrant holding his kids hostage .
> 
> If she divorces over his driving and hiding money, fine it is a truly legit readon to do so. Deny access to kids ? Screw that it is evil.


Yes it is evil. Daddy is an evil SOB! Bills still need to be paid and there won't be any presents under the tree for any of the children thanks to Daddy. She is resentful for the situation the SOB placed her in and he refused her request to find less expensive tickets. His kids are collateral damage in the resentment. 

If her ex-husband finds out that she used his child support for SOB's children then she may face legal/monetary consequences.

But as long as his kids are taken care of, everything is hunky-dory then, huh? Just screw her kids because they get the pleasure of living with the lying, stealing SOB year 'round. 

Let me guess - your wife won custody of the kiddos in the divorce.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

BlondiLocks, Were to begin, first I have gone back and reread her posts. In her original thread she stated he could have saved 200 dollars on different tickets. It was later the issues of his money management skills and LYING was discovered.

Start with her post on this number 28. While previously she stated she was upset he didn't check prices and could have saved 200 dollars. A huge issue SINCE BECAUSE OF HIS POOR DIVING HABITS AND POOR MONEY HABITS HAVE PUT THE FAMILY AT RISK SINCE THEY DID NOT HAVE 400 DOLLARS LET ALONE 600 DOLLARS. I also belive that how she described the lack transparncy in serious money matters is insane. He needs to let her manage all the major money ecpenditures with input. ( did I sum up these issues enough ?). But in this post she demand he canceled the tickets - PERIOD. AT THE POINT IN THAT POST DID SHE SAY REBOOK

I believe I did say that this is a legit reason to divorce? 

I have highlight the bolded Issues his behavior are causing to show I get it. 

Blonilocks, how else do I really get it ? Two months before my divorce was final and my wife living in a large two bedroom furnished basement townhouse her sister's husbands bull caused the OP nightmare to be true. In their case they were evicted from their home. There son was a senior in HS and my ex and my home (now) where equal distance from their his old home. She never offered shelter, I did for two months until they got the equity of their home from it sale. Yes, she cheated, got caught in bed at posm house by his 14 year old daughter. And no, i have no kids, my ex could not.

So overall my point stands hubby goes for lying and putting the families shelter at risk. She goes because of her callous disregard for his children.

Amen


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Sorry to clarify my ex cheated, not her sister.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

JohnA, I really could not make sense of your 2nd to last paragraph - whatever. The title of this thread is Husband Lied - the lying wasn't later discovered.

She had saved $600 for all the kids but her husband had stolen some from her cache.

When she said she was becoming resentful of his kids it was because of the money situation. Now that they are coming, I'm sure she'll do her best to make them a Merry Christmas right along with her kids. She isn't trying to keep her husband from his kids (they only moved out of state this past January) but you can't grow money to pay bills.

And, blaming her for her husband's actions is nutz.

Amen.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

IMO it is callous disregard for the children by stealing their Christmas money to pay for traffic tickets and who knows what else. 

He put himself in this mess, kept making things worse but not owning up to it, and now she's just expected to clean it up after him. I understand both sides and I don't think she should stop his kids from coming this year but I would be beyond upset if this happened to me. I would not continue to enable his behavior by sharing finances with him.

It would not just be some $$$ to me. It's the deception, the stealing, the irresponsibility, the covering his butt because he can't act like an adult..... 
And now her and her kids have to suffer because of it while he went and spent even MORE than they agreed on for his own even though he was the one who screwed up. I can see myself being very resentful about that.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

GE Blondeilocks:

Huh, are you reading what i posted?

How could I have been any clearer in my bolded text stating her issues that I agree with. One last attempt "I JOHNA AGREE WITH OP HER HUSBAND HAS THREATEN THE MARRIAGE BY HIS DISREGARD FOR THE FINANCIAL WELFARE OF THE FAMILY AND HIS DISHONESTY WITH HIS WIFE. 

Oh, I have no children. It is why I tend to move to protect a parents-child relationship. I took my ex's nephew and parents into my home to keep him in his HS and let his family heal - after my ex BIL did exactly what OP husband is doing.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Mrs. Rodriguez said:


> He doesn't do drugs or drink. No idea what he would use money on. We make ok money he shouldn't have needed it


coffees, a burger upsized, bit of candy, gas in car. amazing how fast it goes. Even a couple of beers or online gaming can add up.

get separate accounts fast. don't leave cash lying about.

the problem you're facing is what set me and my ex-wife back decades. you need to have control of your money, and now.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I can see how OP could become resentful with a prolonged lack of responsibility by the H. He is not responsible for his spending nor his driving, and she bails him out. Maybe she is already fed up. In fact OP you sound co-dependent, covering for him, helping him out, he never has to suffer the consequences of his actions, you are always there to save the day.
Separate finances can help you remove that co-dependency and let him deal with his own s***!


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

JohnA said:


> So you are saying to his kids "tough luck kiddos, your dad screwed up so he gets to get to take care of my kids only for the next year. Better luck next year.
> 
> She and you need to get a grip and look at the big picture. What he has done does not warrant holding his kids hostage .
> 
> If she divorces over his driving and hiding money, fine it is a truly legit readon to do so. Deny access to kids ? Screw that it is evil.


OP can demand her H cancel the current plane tickets and get less expensive ones instead. His kids don't need to fly first class or non-stop.

Everyone talks about your being cruel to his kids but he is stealing your kids' child support money for his and his kids' benefit. How could anyone say this is fair or mean of the OP?

IamSomebody


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## Template (Aug 2, 2011)

Sorry you are going through this, Mrs. R. What your husband did is reprehensible. Misusing marital assets is stealing and you are justified in feeling betrayed.

I agree with others that you guys should separate income, assets, and bills. You need to do this with him in explicit detail. He needs to understand his misuse of income and assets is a critical moment of neglect and while he may feel stressed about doing what he knows is wrong, he is negatively affecting both his children and yours, as well as damaging the marriage. This incident needs to be addressed in marriage counseling as well. Your counselor cannot help you if he/she does not know what transpired.

That said, he needs to get off his rear end and get a job. If he is currently working, he needs to pick up an additional part time job. If he is not working, he needs to get as close to a full time job as possible devote every cent he clears to replacing the money he stole from you. That he has not volunteered to do that already is mind boggling. If he truly wanted your forgiveness, he would have already picked up a job. And there are plenty of entry level jobs and seasonal help jobs out there. it is HIS responsibility to fix this.


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