# On the verge of divorce



## Tim_Duncan28 (Sep 21, 2012)

Hello, 

I would like to give a little background. I met my wife on an internet forum about 4 years ago. I am 28 years old, she is 25. She is from Russia and i am American. We chatted for about a year, finally decided to see each other, and a few years later she came to my country and we married. We got married last August, so not much more than a year ago. She struggled mightily during the first year here because i was in bad financial shape from trying to bring her into the country and pretty much broke myself and my credit in the process. 

She could not work because the government STILL has not provided her with a green card (i did not want to apply for the work permit because i assumed the green card would come sooner or later and she could work off of that). She became GREATLY depressed. So much to the point where she lost all enthusiasm for life. She no longer smiled or laughed or joked. She mostly sat by herself while i was at work, and cried. She was so depressed, she refused to go out and try and make friends or do anything to get her mind off of the situation. Even if the green card did come, she doesn't think she can work in the country because her english is not perfect (even though she speaks very fluent english and i think almost anyone can understand her). 

She has been out of the country for about 5 months (she returned to Russia to tend to her sick father) and now that it's time for her to return back to the US and rejoin me, she is having doubts about coming back. She cries whenever i talk to her about coming back and seems to be miserable. As her husband, i would rather see her happy and enjoying life than being miserable. Even though i think things will be much better for her when she returns, she no longer has any hope. The damage appears to have already been done. I told her today that she should just stay in her country and be where she is happiest. My heart broke when i told her that, but i feel like there is no other solution. 

I told her i would see about drawing up the divorce papers. I'm not sure why i joined this site. I guess i was just looking for a little support during this tough time, as we're only newlyweds, and are on the verge of divorce already. Not because of any personal issues between us, but because of her dislike for my country and of our financial situation. I appreciate any support, or replies in advance. 

Thank you for reading.


----------



## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

There are plllllenty of cash jobs out there. Unless she's a rocket scientist or something then i understand. But house cleaners make a lllllllot of money. My hubs worked at a gas station under the table for 2 years supporting both of us. Would she want to apply for school till the visa stuff gets sorted out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

I don't have much to tell you except for I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I don't personally understand why people start "dating" people who live so far away. It seems like a bad idea from the start. 

It sounds like she didn't fully comprehend the reality of moving across the world and having nobody to talk to and nothing to do all day. I know I would be very scared, lonely and depressed too! 

All I can say is next time, don't marry someone that you don't really know. Talking to someone over the internet is vastly different than living with them day to day.


----------



## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

If she does not want to return ,you can't make her come back.


----------



## Tim_Duncan28 (Sep 21, 2012)

nandosbella said:


> There are plllllenty of cash jobs out there. Unless she's a rocket scientist or something then i understand. But house cleaners make a lllllllot of money. My hubs worked at a gas station under the table for 2 years supporting both of us. Would she want to apply for school till the visa stuff gets sorted out?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank you for your reply nandosbella. She has a degree in linguistics and translation, and had a pretty important managerial job in her home country, so coming over here and starting over from scratch seems to have been a breaking point for her. When i brought up the idea of her doing house cleaning or really ANYTHING to help me get back on my feet financially she refused and claims that those jobs are beneath her. I definitely wanted to put her into school when she came back, but the sticking point for her seems to be having to start over. She wants to have everything here, that she had in her home country, and she is not patient enough to wait for it to happen.


----------



## Tim_Duncan28 (Sep 21, 2012)

justonelife said:


> I don't have much to tell you except for I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I don't personally understand why people start "dating" people who live so far away. It seems like a bad idea from the start.
> 
> It sounds like she didn't fully comprehend the reality of moving across the world and having nobody to talk to and nothing to do all day. I know I would be very scared, lonely and depressed too!
> 
> All I can say is next time, don't marry someone that you don't really know. Talking to someone over the internet is vastly different than living with them day to day.


When we first started chatting online we weren't thinking about dating or a relationship or anything other than just passing the time. We chatted for an entire year before seeing each other face to face for the first time, then we spent another 2 and a half years traveling back and forth to each others countries for short visits before finally getting married. I knew she would miss her family and friends, but i didn't know her home sickness would become crippling. You are right about the fact that living with someone day to day is different than seeing them on short visits spread across a few years. We fell in love with each other and really thought we could make a life here in the United States together.


----------



## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

Is there any possibility of you moving for her? she's fully capable of supporting you for a while, i would think
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tim_Duncan28 (Sep 21, 2012)

nandosbella said:


> Is there any possibility of you moving for her? she's fully capable of supporting you for a while, i would think
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have brought up the possibility of moving there. However, I have not learned to speak any Russian, which she takes as me not being serious about that possible move. The problem with her supporting me is that in her culture, they believe their men should be in that role and it's a sign of weakness in the man if the woman has to take on the role financially.


----------

