# How a friend handled her desire for other men



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She divorced her husband.

She had a reputation at work as being 'wild' but for a reason I can't remember, there was only we two in the office.

She mentioned something about loving her husband. I said: "If you love your husband, why did you divorce him?"

She looked at me and said: "I divorced him because I love him."

I nodded and she told me what had happened. He had been 20 years older than her. They had two sons.

When she was in her mid 40s, she liked sex a lot. He was by then in his mid 60s and wasn't quite as into sex as she was. One day during what she described as a "particularly vigorous sex session" she gave him a heart attack that did actually kill him! The ambulance crew had to use a portable defibrillator to start his heart again.

He had heart surgery but was always nervous of having sex with her thereafter. But so was she. She also felt guilty for pushing him into having sex that day when he hadn't felt up to it.

She began to resent the fact that he didn't want sex whereas she did.

She told me that the idea of cheating on him to get what she wanted was wrong, so she decided to leave him, get a divorce and "enjoy her life."

Apparently he has become very close to his ex-wife's mother (who is not that much different in age to him) but she doesn't think it is a sexual relationship.

Did she do the right thing? I think that she probably did.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I think she did. More of a woman there than most. If she considered sex that important and really had to have it, then she did the right thing.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think what she did was very cold and awful. She knew he was 20 years older when she committed to be with him in her vows.

But she dumped him when he could no longer have sex with her. So much for taking care of each other etc. She basically showed him that his ONLY value to her was as a human dildo. Once that stopped, she divorced him.

This junk about people having these personal needs that trump all other commitments just shows how selfish many people are.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Matt,I'd just like to know what's going on with all the older guys/younger women in your area? Maybe its time for me to emigrate.


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## shazam (Nov 7, 2011)

It's funny how people make love out to be so important when in reality carnal things like sex will always be more important to most. I guess she did the right thing, but it's still fairly pathetic, still less pathetic than the WW stories on here though.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

She did the right thing. To expect her to become celibate for the next forty years (her life expectancy) is unreasonable. At least she was above board and didn't cheat on him. Sex is important. I denied myself for twenty years because I thought my wife was frigid, and I reasoned that there was more to marriage than just sex. WRONG! She liked sex -- just not with me. Except for my kids, I would not want to relive those twenty years with my ex.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

on a very physical level, it would appear that she was not wrong in divorcing her husband, who was 20 years older than her. 
She knew she was marrying a older person. Marriage is not only sex. It is about sharing life. 
If her present partner dumps her for any sexual reason, will she be fine?
She was worried about her physical heart of her ex husband, was she considerate to his real heart?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Folks beware your own positions don't come back and bite you. Given your views, then if you ever get hurt or sick, you better be prepared for your SO to dump you and find a healthy partner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

That can happen regardless of our views on the subject.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Alright here's a question, suppose one of your children has a serious disorder, do you forego your responsibility and commitment because its cramping your style? Would you give that kid up for adoption because you don't want to be *Tied down* with the responsibility that comes with raising him.

The cold hard truth is she couldn't control her desire to have vigourous sex sessions knowing that her husband was not in the best of health, there are toys that can act as good substitutes and there were other ways in which her husband could've fulfilled her if she had let him try.

But i suppose that what she did was way better than what a cheater would do and I respect her for that


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> I think what she did was very cold and awful. She knew he was 20 years older when she committed to be with him in her vows.
> 
> But she dumped him when he could no longer have sex with her. So much for taking care of each other etc. She basically showed him that his ONLY value to her was as a human dildo. Once that stopped, she divorced him.
> 
> This junk about people having these personal needs that trump all other commitments just shows how selfish many people are.


She has to live the rest of her life unhappy?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Folks beware your own positions don't come back and bite you. Given your views, then if you ever get hurt or sick, you better be prepared for your SO to dump you and find a healthy partner.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If it is life long problem, and if I am holding my SO back, I wouldn't mind.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

As a counter argument, the guy knew he was marrying someone younger than him by 20 years and he wouldn't be able to keep up with her when he gets older. Why did he do it then? You guys seem to have more issues with her than her H.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

You need to face the biology of the thing. She was down to her last eggs, her biological body agenda told her to reproduce at all costs and her partner wasn't able to do it and he was not a desirable partner being older and sick. 

She morally did what she could, not cheating on her old man. I think anyone asking another to deny himself/herself of sex should be aware that is will put a huge strain on the relationship. Every time you do something to deny your basic biological needs it takes real effort and many people aren't willing to do it.

Of course this goes against that whole romanticized "till death do us part" thing. It's one thing to have in mind when finding a partner whose age differs a lot from ours. Our biological clock will never be on par and trouble will happen. 



> As a counter argument, the guy knew he was marrying someone younger than him by 20 years and he wouldn't be able to keep up with her when he gets older. Why did he do it then? You guys seem to have more issues with her than her H.


Exactly. It made so much sense biologically for him to be 20+ years with a fit female as it makes sense for her to leave him now. Both are two sides of the same biologic coin.

Probably someone is going to show up and say something along the lines of "we have progressed past simple biology". Well, read this story again. No we haven't. And we will never unless we find a way to deny the effects of natural selection. 

And a huge part of the process of natural selection is sexual choice.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

anonymouskitty said:


> Alright here's a question, suppose one of your children has a serious disorder, do you forego your responsibility and commitment because its cramping your style? Would you give that kid up for adoption because you don't want to be *Tied down* with the responsibility that comes with raising him.
> 
> The cold hard truth is she couldn't control her desire to have vigourous sex sessions knowing that her husband was not in the best of health, there are toys that can act as good substitutes and there were other ways in which her husband could've fulfilled her if she had let him try.
> 
> But i suppose that what she did was way better than what a cheater would do and I respect her for that


AK, I think you're comparing apples to oranges.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

I dunno about that mate, but she should've known what she signed up for.Still, it ended much better than how it usually does but wouldn't it be odd if your ex husband or wife started dating your mother or father


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

anonymouskitty said:


> Alright here's a question, suppose one of your children has a serious disorder, do you forego your responsibility and commitment because its cramping your style? Would you give that kid up for adoption because you don't want to be *Tied down* with the responsibility that comes with raising him.
> 
> The cold hard truth is she couldn't control her desire to have vigourous sex sessions knowing that her husband was not in the best of health, there are toys that can act as good substitutes and there were other ways in which her husband could've fulfilled her if she had let him try.
> 
> But i suppose that what she did was way better than what a cheater would do and I respect her for that


Not the case. He was, she told me, tired on that day -hence did not feel up to making love- the heart attack came as a very unpleasant surprise to both of them.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I still think it was selfish and cold of her. The guy needed his wife and she chose to D and sex over her vows.. Then why not just strike out the sickness and in health clause of the vows?

This isn't a case of fraud, where he promised and then refused. He had a medical condition that nearly killed him. 

The general sentiment here seems to be use'm and toss'm f you are being fulfilled. 

Well I guess your friend shoud have no problem then when her next guy dumps her because when she hits menopause her sex drive gies down and she's not as perky as she used to be. He will need his needs for a nice perky 25 year old satisfied and she won't be up for the job.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> on a very physical level, it would appear that she was not wrong in divorcing her husband, who was 20 years older than her.
> She knew she was marrying a older person. Marriage is not only sex. It is about sharing life.
> If her present partner dumps her for any sexual reason, will she be fine?
> She was worried about her physical heart of her ex husband, was she considerate to his real heart?


I agree. The vows are in sickness and in health. 

Barring emotional abuse in which he withheld sex because he was having an affair, or physical abuse, she should have honored her marriage vows. 

Her reason is shallow, it is no different from the spouse that has an affair because the sex in a long term marriage became routine and to them that translates as boring. 

It's an unrealistic expectation to expect to compare a new relationship sex with LTM sex.

After DDay I asked my STBEH, if he had complete erectile dysfunction and could never get it up, would it be okay for me to have an affair. 

He immediately barked "NO".

I have friends whose spouses have ED, they do not cheat. 

It's not like the person is withholding sex on purpose and for no valid reason. 

Fear of dying in the saddle, after one already did is a valid reason to fear sex


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

This woman knew exactly what she was signing up for,and I doubt it was just for " loaves & fishes " or the " sex of her life."
The man's situation was unfortunate,he had a heart attack.He tried his utmost best to satisfy her needs. He fulfilled his vows.
She decided to bail out when the going got a little rough.

It would be pretty " karmic " if she hooked up with a much younger guy , [ as they invariably do ] and he did her the exact, same thing to her in due course, when her hormones starts messing up her libido.


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