# So what now???



## SOPHISTICATED81 (Sep 12, 2013)

Ok so my husband is back in the house, but for some reason the lies, cheating, hurt, and betrayal keeps getting the best of me. i try to change my thoughts butthe hurt just keeps flooding my mind. we have talked about the affair and the things that have gone on. I am trying to trust him but i am skeptical. i love him and he has apologized many times, changed his number, and we have been trying to move forward. I just cant seem to get over the hurt. i keep thinking that the past is going to reapeat itself. I am unsure of everything and I dont know why. I dont know how to change my thought patterns. I dont know how to move past the betrayal. I just feel stuck. Am I torturing myself? If anyone has gotten past an affair and worked it out, i would love a response.


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## MoonWatchman (Mar 7, 2013)

First of all, my heart goes out to you. You're walking a painful and difficult road right now. What you're experiencing is perfectly natural, so don't be hard on yourself. I recently read a quote from Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life" where he said:
"Many people are reluctant to show mercy because they don't understand the difference between trust and forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Trust has to do with future behavior. 
Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time. Trust requires a track record. If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you."

So, maybe the most important question is, have you been able to start with forgiving your husband? Honestly, you'll not get far in restoring your relationship until you do. Unforgiveness doesn't tear up the one who hurt you, it tears YOU up. Your husband's not off the hook; he still has to prove daily that he's doing all that he's promised and is being faithful to you. With time and his faithfulness, trust will come. But the forgiveness part has to start with you. I know it's unbelievably hard to do, but with God, all things are possible. HUGS and blessings to you!


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## Juliets1 (Sep 19, 2013)

Oh hun! I am going through this exactly right now. It is hard to forget what has happened, not that forgiveness is always easy either, but seems easier than any other part of it! I wish I could give you the answer but I haven't figured it out myself. I just hope one day to get past it and move on and hope we can be happy again. 

*Hugs*


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I think everyone has their own capacity for pain and forgiveness... Me personally, I can put up with a lot and am really forgiving. 

That said, I think cheating is something that I would only be able to forgive if I let go of the relationship. In many ways I am very cut and dry with relationships in my life. 

To each their own... I have tremendous respect for anyone that can overcome an affair and stay in the marriage. I just don't think that I am one of them...


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## thompkevin (Jul 17, 2013)

I am really sorry you are in this situation. I really hope there was a way where you can just forget everything and get back to your normal life but it isn't so. Rebuilding trust will take time. And if you haven't forgiven him yet, then you should just hope that forgiveness will come eventually. You just have to allow it. I hope you are getting some professional help as well.


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