# Husband's Poor Hygiene



## mama4jesus

Hi guys, can you please give me some ideas on what to say to get my husband to brush his teeth and take a shower more than once a month? Since leaving the Marine Corps 20 years ago, he's just let himself go. At least he's got native american blood in him, and really doesn't sweat or stink, but it's a turn-off when it comes to sex (which he doesn't want any more than once or twice a month, anyway), and the naughty things I'd love to do to him. I'd love to kiss him more too, but I swear I've seen fur growing on his teeth! Yuck!
I've tried enticing him to the shower with me, with promises of fun and naughty things I'd do to him, but he shot that down. I've kindly reminded him to brush his teeth, I've bought new toothpaste thinking maybe that was the problem, new fancy toothbrushes, etc. 
Our house (and especially our bedroom) stinks because of him. Please, please, I need ideas from you guys!


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## RandomDude

Put a toothbrush/toothpaste in the shower so he actually uses it. Wait... he only showers ONCE a month?!?!


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## mama4jesus

Yes, I'm not kidding. About once a month.


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## OhGeesh

Wow? Who doesn't brush their teeth in 2010 at least morning and night?

Who doesn't freshen up before Sex either?

Can't relate to either.......maybe buy a new toothbrush/paste for each of you mouthwash too. Then printout the latest data linking dental problems to heart attacks and say you want to be on the safe side.

As far as showers go buy him some Axe or whatever or just tell him!

I'm 1/2 chick bubble baths 90% of the time showers the rest, but 99.99% they are daily


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## mama4jesus

Thanks, Geesh! I think I should try buying him one of those fancy spin brushes and see if that works.
I'm just going to flat out tell him that I am demanding sex tonight, and if he wants the best bj he's ever had, then he better get in that damn shower!!! Think that will work? LOL!


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## chillymorn

That would be a deal breaker for me.

something else is going on maybe he's depressed I know sometimes people with depression neglect there hygine.

was he always this way or is it a recent thing?

I think its time for a very frank discussion about how it bothers you and everyone else. If you can't ask your husband to clean up for you then he could have some physological problems that may take a professional.

all of the sudden I feel like I need a shower.


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## SoCalMark

Have sex in the shower and brush together (???) Invest in a hot tub.


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## southbound

Do you know "why" he is like this?


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## mama4jesus

South, no, I don't know why he's like this. He's been doing this for many years, probably almost the full 20 years since he left the Marine Corps, where he had someone TELLING him he had to brush his teeth and shower. Since he got out, he's of the attitude that no one is telling him what to do anymore, so he does only what he wants to do, which is next to nothing. He's like a lump on the couch. Just no motivation. It's weird.


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## Atholk

No wash, no food.


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## Powerbane

Then set your boundaries and tell him what you expect. You're not being unreasonable as far as hygiene goes. 

Better yet - what happens if you let yourself go for a couple of days then try to be near him? Maybe he can't smell himself?


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## mama4jesus

Atholk, it's sad to say, but I stopped cooking for him last year because I was sick and tired of him complaining about every meal! C'mon, every single meal I cooked couldn't have been so bad. Our three children and I are surviving my cooking! I got sick of it and told him he can cook for himself, so now he microwaves ramen and tuna in a big bowl, douses it with cayenne pepper, and calls it a meal. He's just fine with that.

Power~ You have a great idea, but I did try going a few days without a shower (WILL NOT skip brushing my teeth! I can't stand the furry feeling), and when I asked him if I stink, he said "nope, I love you just the way you are". I'm beginning to think this guy is hopeless!!!

I did tell him this afternoon that I was going to give him the best bj he's ever had tonight, so he'd better get in the shower and wash up good, because there's nowhere I won't go! He chuckled, then said "honey, just give me some time", meaning, everything hurts on me today, let's do it another time. Shot down again!


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## Michelle27

I'm having issues with my husband and tooth brushing myself. He has a couple of "reasons" including having thin blood which makes him bleed easily and one of his medications also rots his teeth from inside out so, "what's the point?" as far as he's concerned. Personally, I think it has more to do with my husband's mental illness than anything else. I did remind him recently that he'd get kissed a whole lot more if he brushed his teeth more often, and although I've said it a million times, he reacted like I had just said it the once. LOL


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## Atholk

mama4jesus said:


> Atholk, it's sad to say, but I stopped cooking for him last year because I was sick and tired of him complaining about every meal!


Well if neither food nor sex motivate him, all that's left is pain aviodance.

You have to start taking action towards the door rather than just talking about how unhappy you are.


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## 4sure

If he was used to someone TELLING him what to do, then start barking out commands. Be the drill sargent he had.

I would raise so much hell he would get in that shower just to shut me up. I couldn't handle being with a man that wouldn't shower, so good luck to you on getting him clean.


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## NotVeryHopeful

New to this site; found this discussion through a search. A major problem in our marriage is this same issue, and my husband said I just need to accept him for who he is. He doesn't use deodorant - says he doesn't need it and has never needed it. He asked me directly one time if I think he does, and of course I said, "Yes!" Everyone does at a certain point. In spite of my answer, he said again that he doesn't and never has. ?? So of course that says to me that my feelings and opinions don't matter one bit, whatever he might say. He enjoys baths, which is fine, but he washes first then sits in there and falls asleep, staying in the now-grimy water for hours sometimes. Yuck! Sometimes he comes in from working very sweaty and grimy, and he'll sit on the couch and be there awhile, sometimes fall asleep, and he thinks he's fine since the sweat has now dried. He will clean his ears with his finger and then wipe it on his shirt; sometimes he will wipe his sweaty head on the hand towel in the bathroom. Who knows how often that might have happened, but I caught him today and told him to NOT hang it back up but to put it in the laundry room. Gross! It used to bother me that he sleeps on the couch half the time, but I'm mostly glad because of this hygiene problem. At least my (our) bed is cleaner! :-( I told him once too that his habit of not brushing his teeth very often makes me not want to kiss him much, and the other hygiene issues keep me from snuggling when I want to and are definitely a turn-off....but again, my feelings obviously don't matter a bit. He said I can't make him be what he's not. That's true, but I thought part of marriage was GIVING to each other and considering each others feelings. ?? I feel more like a paid companion than a wife most of the time. Sometimes we get along okay and even enjoy some outings together now and then, but it's been a LONG time for any intimacy, and it's a lonely feeling at times. :-( There are many other issues too, but the hygiene is definitely a major one for me.


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## zaliblue

Atholk said:


> No wash, no food.


:rofl:

LOVE IT!


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## YinPrincess

I'm not sure a "reward" offering will help much in the long run, here. But you never know, maybe the positive reinforcement will help.

I think there's more to him than just laziness... Do you think that maybe he is depressed, or needing some other kind of mental help?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear

NotVeryHopeful said:


> New to this site; found this discussion through a search. A major problem in our marriage is this same issue, and my husband said I just need to accept him for who he is. He doesn't use deodorant - says he doesn't need it and has never needed it. He asked me directly one time if I think he does, and of course I said, "Yes!" Everyone does at a certain point. In spite of my answer, he said again that he doesn't and never has. ?? So of course that says to me that my feelings and opinions don't matter one bit, whatever he might say. He enjoys baths, which is fine, but he washes first then sits in there and falls asleep, staying in the now-grimy water for hours sometimes. Yuck! Sometimes he comes in from working very sweaty and grimy, and he'll sit on the couch and be there awhile, sometimes fall asleep, and he thinks he's fine since the sweat has now dried. He will clean his ears with his finger and then wipe it on his shirt; sometimes he will wipe his sweaty head on the hand towel in the bathroom. Who knows how often that might have happened, but I caught him today and told him to NOT hang it back up but to put it in the laundry room. Gross! It used to bother me that he sleeps on the couch half the time, but I'm mostly glad because of this hygiene problem. At least my (our) bed is cleaner! :-( I told him once too that his habit of not brushing his teeth very often makes me not want to kiss him much, and the other hygiene issues keep me from snuggling when I want to and are definitely a turn-off....but again, my feelings obviously don't matter a bit. He said I can't make him be what he's not. That's true, but I thought part of marriage was GIVING to each other and considering each others feelings. ?? I feel more like a paid companion than a wife most of the time. Sometimes we get along okay and even enjoy some outings together now and then, but it's been a LONG time for any intimacy, and it's a lonely feeling at times. :-( There are many other issues too, but the hygiene is definitely a major one for me.


Has he always been this way, or has his hygiene habits changed?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anotherguy

first of all... ew. 

You know, I am pretty dedicated in the hygiene department, so I find this a bit disturbing... BUT...

I also think that Its perfectly ok to NOT take a shower every day for some people. You DO need however, to keep the '4 critical areas' attended to.

from George Carlin:
“Unless you work out, or work outdoors, or for some reason come in intimate contact with huge amounts of filth and garbage every day you don’t always need a shower. All you really need is to wash the four key areas: armpits, a$$hole, crotch, and teeth!”

We cant be walking around with halitosis and 'funky butt syndrome' now do we?

Not brushing teeth is particularly problematic... unless he likes the idea of rapidly degenerating oral health and eventually putting his falsies in a glass by the bedside. Not to mention nobody that wants to get very close to him to talk or even listen.

You could try a new toy to see if it gets him excited about brushing. I tell you - I got an 'Oral B' toothbrush 10 years ago, and I think it is THE greatest thing since sliced bread. (I had to replace it once a few years ago the old one finally died). I have a small (or rather, crowded) mouth, and it makes cleaning even my very back molars and slightly impcted wisdom teeth into 'just from the dentist' squeaky smoothness a breeze. I simply cant say enough about it - its very easy and you get a sparkling clean mouth with VERY little effort.

Here... sung to the tune of the kids song "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes"...

==============

Armpits, a$$hole, crotch and teeth,

Crotch and teeth.

Armpits, a$$hole, crotch and teeth,

Crotch and teeth.

Ear and nose and throat and feet

Armpits, a$$hole, crotch and teeth,

Crotch and teeth.

================


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## NotVeryHopeful

Well, not to sound funny, but we met in the winter so some of the issues weren't as noticeable. We've been married for 8 years, and he's been this way all that time. It's a long story, but this is a second marriage for me and WAY TOO HASTY, not knowing him long enough and not knowing things that now I wish that I had. So, I deal with it the best I can.


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## sinnister

mama4jesus said:


> South, no, I don't know why he's like this. He's been doing this for many years, probably almost the full 20 years since he left the Marine Corps, where he had someone TELLING him he had to brush his teeth and shower. Since he got out, he's of the attitude that no one is telling him what to do anymore, so he does only what he wants to do, which is next to nothing.* He's like a lump on the couch. Just no motivation. It's weird*.


Extreme lazyness is usually stress or depression.


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## Jellybeans

I would not be able to live with someone like this. No way, no how. And sex--hell to the no. 

That is very unattractive (and disgusting). You said it's ongoing 20 yrs now. He will only change if he wants to.


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## Jellybeans

Atholk said:


> No wash, no food.


Correction:

No wash, no wife.

I do not understand people who don't shower. It does not compute to me.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

How can you even think of sleeping with him?!


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## that_girl

Yea. This is nasty. He won't change, or clean his body  But you have options.


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## livnlearn

"Here... sung to the tune of the kids song "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes"...

==============

Armpits, a$$hole, crotch and teeth,

Crotch and teeth.

Armpits, a$$hole, crotch and teeth,

Crotch and teeth.

Ear and nose and throat and feet

Armpits, a$$hole, crotch and teeth,

Crotch and teeth."

:smthumbup:


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## Tap1214

YIKES!! I use to work with a guy who had a bad B.O ...by early mid-day, people would discreetly move away from him when he walks into a room because he smell so bad. And yes, he also had a bad breath!

I can't imagine being married to someone like that, so I totally understand what you are going through. 

I think you should AGAIN sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel and how it affects you. If he doesn't do anything and continues to not wash etc, then perhaps you should seperate???? Because obviously he doesn't give a crap how you feel nor takes your feelings seriously!!


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## Jellybeans

Angel5112 said:


> I had a woman at my work tell me that her H didn't bathe as often as he should and when he wanted a BJ she would tell him no way until you bathe because his genitals would smell like stinky feet. Ewww. I didn't ask how she knew that.
> 
> If you haven't bathed in, at minimum, the last 3 days, I will not be coming anywhere near your genitals with any part of my body. I couldn’t imagine sleeping in the same bed with someone who didn’t bath at least once a week. *shudder*


Once a week? No way would that work for me. I am manic about being clean. I take a shower 2x a day and cannot fel right without it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dreamlover

I too have a husband that I do not understand. We have been married 17 years, He hates to brush his teeth, he waits sometimes 5+ days before showering. He does not like when I ask him to clean himself up. He says I don't stink, I havent done anything to make myself sweat so im not dirty........... When he wants to get busy I push him away, he wonders why. I say go shower then maybe we can get busy. He stopped french kissing me years ago, probably because I complain about his breath. Our sex life is now minimal because I say no, more then yes, if he wont go shower. I Refuse to give him bg's. He hates to help around the house to, asking him to take out the garbage or empty the dishwasher has gotten to the point its easier for me to just do it all myself. He does cook occasionally and he does yardwork when I b_itch and complain, he says if I mow it, it will just grow more..... And when I say it needs water and fertilizer he says no its will mean I have to mow twice as much.......... I have the honey do list with something been on it 10 years waiting to be done..... My husband is sexy and when he does shower and clean up he is yummy. I Love My Husband! I just wish he would be more of the man I want and need him to be.... The hardest part of it all is that my family says things like why did you marry that lazy pos and it makes me sad. He really is a great guy, I just dont get why he is like this.. Oh and when its comes to me asking him to do something he will say I cant im tired or some other excuse but a friend calls and asks for help he jumps up to go help them in a heart beat.... Oh and btw I am a complete neat freak, I clean up behind him and have gone as far as getting his clothes out for him and packing is lunch, when he does shower I have to clean the bathroom after cause he leaves a mess same when he cooks or does yardwork never puts anything away. and he always complains he cant find something because I put it somewhere, because I have to put it aways since he doesnt....


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## gogetter

My husband is the same way!!! I tried getting him shower gels, encouragement, promises of sex, threats, everything. We've been married for almost 25 years, so I just gave up. He's got rotten, missing teeth, but brushes and combs his hair every day!!! I asked him how he could "remember" to brush his hair that he wears under a hat, but couldn't remember to brush his teeth. He showers once a week and brushes his teeth as often. I only peck him with closed lips and we only have sex once a month (which is fine with me) and only if he's showered, shaved and teeth brushed. I've lost all respect and am really repulsed by him, but other than the intimacy, our relationship is fine. I am embarrassed by him, so we don't do anything socially though. I figure I'm not his mother, and he's a grown man. I am NOT going to tell him to take care of himself like he's a child. Our kids are young and still at home, so there's no chance of divorce. Like I said, our relationship is fine-kind of like room mates now who get along well, but there's just no love there. I feel for you, but it sounds like YOUR husband has some serious issues other than just the hygiene thing.


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## waiwera

I wouldn't have a stinky man in my bed!

Difficult to expect them to change though if they've been doing it for years and getting away with it.


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