# So this is how court went...



## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

Well, I had to go to court this morning to handle the restraining order (not a protective order, just a restraining order saying we wont spend our money or be malicious towards one another, its a status quo thing)

While there we were going to also come to a resolution on the divorce by agreeing to the settlement terms etc.

I first showed up in a very giant hallway, with lots of wooden benches. I didn't expect to see my wife sitting there on a bench. She saw me, look right at me and she looked miserable.

The benches were back-to-back...so instead of sitting next to her, I sat on the other bench behind her, on the opposite side.

She seemed hurt by that I guess? She asked me why I didn't want to sit next to her...I told her "why would I want to?"...she didn't answer that, instead she was tearing up, and asked me "Please come sit next to me?"...to which, I did, because I couldn't stand to see her cry like that...the way she said it was so incredibly sad and pained. 

There was a lot of awkward silence. Mainly because what was there that could really be said?...she forced some conversation topics, mentioning random things...asking questions...

eventually she started apologizing sincerely for all of her behavior and things that she said to me that were very hurtful...

I didn't really answer, I just kind of shook my head. I was angry and hurt, but more than that I was disarmed by how much harder it appeared to be on her than it was for me (at least, externally)

We went in, did our thing and started walking out to the parking lot, together but separate.

She continued to force more conversation, to which I was very short, and answered in single word statements...what else was I to do? My world was officially caved in...she got the divorce she wanted, and I lost my wife, best friend, dreams, and everything I had believed in and worked for. So yea, I wasn't feeling up to talking about how my sister was doing, or how work had been...

Anyhow, as we walked out the door, there were two parking lots: One to the left of the building, one to the right....poetic really...we were going our separate ways.

She seemed like she wanted to hug me, or say something..or walk together for longer. I didn't know how to react. I didn't say a goodbye, didn't look at her, didn't say a thing, just walked off towards my car, not even looking back, but I could tell that she did (I could hear her high-heels on the ground, and they stopped for a moment and turned). Was it the better choice than hugging and saying goodbye? Who knows, but it's the decision I made at the time.

Hardest walk I've ever had to make in my entire life. I still love her more than anything, but the reality of it is, this was something I had no choice about.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Im crying profusely after reading this. My husband didn't want to talk to me for 13 months. He tells me a week and half ago he is starting the divorce process. Then he calls me several times this past week in addition to asking to meet for lunch today to talk. I asked him for 13 months to meet and talk. I don't want a divorce. I worked my ass off for 13 months to save the marriage. 


They want to talk now when its decided its over. I don't understand. I feel your hurt. I'm sorry. I know that was a hard day for you. Is there a chance this could be worked out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That's sad my friend. But I think you did it right. She wanted it; now she got what she wanted, and I doubt she ever thought it would hurt her this bad. 

Poetic.


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

Part of me thinks that she is truly sorry for hurting me. The other part recognizes that it is likely a very small part of her that feels that...the majority is feeling guilty, and is desperate for me to not hate her, or be angry with her, because if I am kind and forgiving and don't act completely destroyed by this that she'll feel less guilty doing it.

While I still love her deeply...she has no love at all for me. Things cannot work, because she will not let it work. She kept stressing how much she still wants to be friends....

Talked about how hard it is for her and that she is thinking of looking for a job back in TN, where she used to live before we moved together to TX....which made me feel even more trapped...because the only reason I live where I live...is because I sacrificed everything to move with her...and now she's thinking of going back home, and leaving all the trash (me) behind.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I kind of got the same attitude and talk from my husband this week.....he's very sad....doesn't like how it turned out for him, lets be friends, etc.....then why are they proceeding with it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This unleashed the tears I've been holding back this week (super stressed about so much!)

How sad  How incredibly sad that people end up here....when once in love.

I feel you have found some power, however hard it has been...but this story was just so sad


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> Talked about how hard it is for her and that she is thinking of looking for a job back in TN, where she used to live before we moved together to TX....which made me feel even more trapped...because the only reason I live where I live...is because I sacrificed everything to move with her...and now she's thinking of going back home, and leaving all the trash (me) behind.


Head the opposite direction. Head west young man. Get out of that Texas swamp and come out here where the women are pretty and the sun always shines!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

CSeryllum said:


> She seemed like she wanted to hug me, or say something..or walk together for longer. I didn't know how to react. I didn't say a goodbye, didn't look at her, didn't say a thing, just walked off towards my car, not even looking back, but I could tell that she did (I could hear her high-heels on the ground, and they stopped for a moment and turned). Was it the better choice than hugging and saying goodbye? Who knows, but it's the decision I made at the time.
> 
> Hardest walk I've ever had to make in my entire life. I still love her more than anything, but the reality of it is, this was something I had no choice about.


I think you did the right thing for you. It is strange how much meaning and symbolism there can be behind such trivial things as walking to our car. For me I've found it sometimes so easy to know what to do, to find confidence in little things and even some big things, because I realize that really I had no choice, or atleast the choice wasn't to make it work or not, it has already not worked the only choice is how to handle it - option 1) be selfish and not worry about her approval 2) try showing her compassion for her plight, like you've always done. It is hard to choose the selfish option because it goes against the grain, but sometimes you have to go against the grain for a better result.


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