# Is it desperate or pathetic or random after 10 yrs?



## anneb24 (Mar 30, 2020)

I’m 30, been going through some things lately. When I was 16 I met this guy, couple of years later we started texting and hanging out. I was 18-19 and a bit naive, he was 23. Needless to say, the timing was off, I had a lot to growing up to do. Fast forward 5 years, he messaged me on FB wanting to hang out, and catch up. I said no a couple of times because he would ask for the same day, instead of giving me warning so I was never prepared. Now fast forward 6 more years, I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s not to say it’s love, but somewhat unrequited. I always wonder if it was now, what would come of it. I’ve thought of messaging him just to kind of put it out there, but seems so bizarre. I don’t want to look desperate or pathetic, I want it to come off sounding casual yet defining. What do you guys think? Will he think I’m crazy? I’ve always wanted to delete my FB, but always kept it in case he ever reached out again. I just need some guidance. Please be gentle.




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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

why not reach out and just see how he responds? Maybe it would be a great opportunity with him. You will never know unless you try.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Don’t let fear stand in the gateway of possibility....... just do it.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

anneb24 said:


> I’ve thought of messaging him just to kind of put it out there, but seems so bizarre.


You had some interest in each other and now you want to follow up on it, that doesn't sound bizarre to me. 

You are wondering "what if" and not liking it. The cure for asking yourself "what if" is asking him "how about it?". It might be nice if there was another way to know, but there isn't. Good luck!


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Go for it. But don't make yourself too available. Let him know to give you advance notice, not same day. He needs to respect your time more. Articulate your expectations if it gets to that point. Don't repeat the same mistakes of the past, like Jay Gatsby did 🤦‍♀️ 😂


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Well, obviously, his habits were last minute, and I'm sure that hasn't changed, so I'm saying this venture is a waste of time unless you want to be stuck with someone who isn't organized enough to plan ahead.


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

First, I'd approach as a friend. Make sure he isn't married. Go from there.


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## anneb24 (Mar 30, 2020)

I’m


So Married said:


> First, I'd approach as a friend. Make sure he isn't married. Go from there.


How would you start it?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'm more curious as to why you posted this on another forum a few days ago, then switched to this one. Of course you're welcome to post where you like - just wondering why you wanted opinions from here as well?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I will include my opinion, nonetheless. And I'm taking it you're single?

My view is don't bother. I think this is a daydream that has embedded for you recently for some reason. Perhaps it's the narrative conjured of this being 'unrequited' that is holding appeal moreso than the reality. If you were that into one another, you would have made it work years prior.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Perfectly normal to think of past relationships.

However if you are vulnerable because of recent events in your life please be cautious about giving yourself away too easily. 

How much do you know about this person and his history. The fact that an adult aged man would carry on a relationship with a 16 year old sounds a bit like grooming. Make sure you know who he is.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

anneb24 said:


> I don’t want to look desperate or pathetic, I want it to come off sounding casual yet defining. What do you guys think? Will he think I’m crazy? I’ve always wanted to delete my FB, but always kept it in case he ever reached out again. I just need some guidance. Please be gentle.


11 years after you met him & 6 years after you last interacted you want to pop up & say . . . what? hi? If you have been FB friends all that time but never talked what has changed? It sounds to me like you are lonely & bored due to Covid & the lockdowns. If that is even partially true that might be your opening: 

_With all this down time & the changed world we now live in I found myself taking a trip down memory lane & I thought of you. Since you were on my mind, I thought I'd say hi. So how are you surviving all this craziness? Hope you are well._

Before you reach out you best emotionally prepare yourself for 1). him never responding; 2). him doing what annoyed you 6 years ago & asking for a last minute get together & 3). him being married or otherwise unavailable. If you do reconnect don't be surprised to learn you have both changed so much you are no longer compatible. 

Personally, I'd leave it alone as the fond memory of the one who got away.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

anneb24 said:


> I’m 30, been going through some things lately. When I was 16 I met this guy, couple of years later we started texting and hanging out. I was 18-19 and a bit naive, he was 23. Needless to say, the timing was off, I had a lot to growing up to do. Fast forward 5 years, he messaged me on FB wanting to hang out, and catch up. I said no a couple of times because he would ask for the same day, instead of giving me warning so I was never prepared. Now fast forward 6 more years, I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s not to say it’s love, but somewhat unrequited. I always wonder if it was now, what would come of it. I’ve thought of messaging him just to kind of put it out there, but seems so bizarre. I don’t want to look desperate or pathetic, I want it to come off sounding casual yet defining. What do you guys think? Will he think I’m crazy? I’ve always wanted to delete my FB, but always kept it in case he ever reached out again. I just need some guidance. Please be gentle.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


If my math is correct he at one point was a 21 year old guy going for a 16 year old girl. Or was the initial meeting not a pursuing situation on his part? It doesn't really matter today now that you are both adults but if he was a 21 year old hitting on a 16 year old thats some weird stuff IMO.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

The fact you are thinking about someone from that long ago makes me think you don't have many current options. Maybe focus on that? If you do reach out on FB just say you saw him come up as a suggested friend and you thought you'd say hi. Now to be honest, he'll probably assume you are reaching out to hook up because that's what he was doing before. That's why it was same day requests. I think your best option is to find new options. Good luck


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## anneb24 (Mar 30, 2020)

heartsbeating said:


> I'm more curious as to why you posted this on another forum a few days ago, then switched to this one. Of course you're welcome to post where you like - just wondering why you wanted opinions from here as well?


Didn’t get many on the other


happyhusband0005 said:


> If my math is correct he at one point was a 21 year old guy going for a 16 year old girl. Or was the initial meeting not a pursuing situation on his part? It doesn't really matter today now that you are both adults but if he was a 21 year old hitting on a 16 year old thats some weird stuff IMO.


no I just met him then. We didn’t officially even talk (let alone date) until I was 18-19


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

anneb24 said:


> Didn’t get many on the other
> 
> no I just met him then. We didn’t officially even talk (let alone date) until I was 18-19


In that case just reach out to him if there was something special about him and he is single.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

anneb24 said:


> Didn’t get many on the other
> 
> no I just met him then. We didn’t officially even talk (let alone date) until I was 18-19



Well... what ya gonna do ?

I think you should go for it 👍


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

It is weird to still be thinking about someone you barely had a relationship with so many years later but if he’s made such an impression then why not. As long as both of you are single , then go for it. 

I want to reiterate that last point. Don’t hit him up if he’s married or living with someone. Same goes for you. If your married or living with someone, take care of that first before you go out hunting.


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## TomNebraska (Jun 14, 2016)

D0nnivain said:


> 11 years after you met him & 6 years after you last interacted you want to pop up & say . . . what? hi? If you have been FB friends all that time but never talked what has changed? It sounds to me like you are lonely & bored due to Covid & the lockdowns. If that is even partially true that might be your opening:
> 
> _With all this down time & the changed world we now live in I found myself taking a trip down memory lane & I thought of you. Since you were on my mind, I thought I'd say hi. So how are you surviving all this craziness? Hope you are well._
> 
> ...


I agree the OP needs to answer the question for herself about what has changed.

It's fine if that's all it is... "_Hey, I'm bored right now and this person could entertain me_" I suppose, but she should go into it knowing her real intent or motivation (and not lead him on either). 

His same-day neediness back then is a bad sign as far as him being a stable "long term prospect," but maybe he's changed? Or if she's just looking for a booty, it probably doesn't matter. 

I didn't behave the same way when I was in my 20's as I do now. Still, I knew enough when I was in my 20's not to demand someone drop everything to see me on the same day. That's *extremely *self-centered.

Either way, this sounds like two people just looking for random hookups at different times in their lives.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

The way I contacted an old flame after 25 years was I found his email on a resume on the internet in early days of Internet and emailed him with the subject: 

"From someone you never wanted to hear from again but always knew you would."

He responded within minutes.


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