# don't know how much longer i can do this



## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i've been following my friends and family's advice on showing him that i don't care what he does and he could go f*ck himself. it's killing me. i'm not a heartless person and it's hurting me treating him like this. how is acting like i don't care suppose to bring him back? nobody will answer that for me. he asked me again to come inside his place and again i refused. it hurts so much saying no to him, but i know it'll hurt more seeing how much better he is w/out me, which he is. my cardiologist has me taking ativan every night now instead of just the nights i can't sleep coz he doesn't want me stressed at all. they're not working yet, but i'm hoping they'll start soon. i don't know what to do w/ myself. i can hardly stay still but i don't want to do anything.


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## McGraw (Mar 2, 2009)

I feel for you!! I know from my own situation that people tell me that if I stop begging my husband to come home and act like I dont want him, this may make him change his mind...this just doesnt make sense to me; however, a friend reminded me of when I tried to leave him a few yrs ago because of his mental abuse, he went nuts and wanted me more than ever..I now look at this behavior as psychotic. I guess what I'm trying to say is we never know what a person is going to do, and we cant make them do something they dont want to, its so hard to let go when we love our husband more than anything and are so desperate to do anything. My husband left and I still dont understand y because he is lying to me about the reason he left..its been 11 days. He goes out to parties w his friend and is already acting single after being a family man for 13 yrs. It hurts me so much to see him "act" like hes so happy already wout me, so I know how u feel..you dont want to see him happy or getting along wout you.. I wish there was an easy solution for all of us, but the truth is there isnt. We have to try n cope, sometimes w the help of meds, and theres nothing wrong w that when we have been stripped of all weve ever known..counseling is such a blessing, especially w a place like women in transition, a free service to help guide and empower women and get them the help needed..a psychologist is also an excellent resource..and prayer if you are a spiritual person. stay strong, friend..it wont last forever, and you will smile again. I wish you good health and good luck. p.s. if the ativan isnt working, you may want to ask your dr for something else--mine just gave me those and lexapro(a more long term drug), if you decide to take something like the lexapro, they tell me they are great for helping you to cope--just some food for thought.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

he just frustrates me more and more. my daughter was telling me about his apartment, what it looks like, how it's decorated. he's got hardwood floors, we fought over for when we were ready to buy a house, i wanted hard wood floors and he wanted carpeting. he has neutral colored furniture, that's what i wanted. he always said he would rather have a black leather couch, this was his chance and instead he picked what i liked. i saw the box of dishes he got, surprise surprise, they're what i would have picked out. but he's the 1 who said i never had an opinion and just let him decorate how he wanted. he could never get it through his head that WE JUST HAVE THE SAME TASTE IN FURNISHING AND DECOR. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe i should go into his place and point out that everything he picked is what i wanted


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

Things like this are going to aggravate the h*ll out of you and rightfully so, but I think that if your daughter wants to talk about it, just say that's great honey and let it go. I would avoid asking any details or questions, as I think it is only hurting you!


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

that's exactly what i do. i don't push her for information. all i ask is if she likes it and feels comfortable over there. she just likes to tell me about it coz it's her new 2nd home and she wants me to know how she is. i honestly don't want to know any more info coz you're right it'll only hurt me more


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

just did something for myself. for years i wanted to get a tattoo of our daughter's name but he hates tattoos (eventhough i already had 1 when we met). i just got it done on my ankle and it takes up the whole inside of my ankle. i know he's going to hate it (i didn't tell him i was going to do it) and it won't help bring him back, but i have to do what i want now.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

wonder said:


> just did something for myself. for years i wanted to get a tattoo of our daughter's name but he hates tattoos (eventhough i already had 1 when we met). i just got it done on my ankle and it takes up the whole inside of my ankle. i know he's going to hate it (i didn't tell him i was going to do it) and it won't help bring him back, but i have to do what i want now.


It sounds as though you are making decisions for yourself and regaining some independence! Nice that you did something for you regardless of what he thinks!


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## wantingmore (Nov 24, 2008)

The point of acting like you don't care is people want what they can't have. 
Being readily available and at his beck and call right now would be a turn off to him.
Going out and getting a tatoo is good. I know it is harder than h*** but making yourself go out have fun, better yourself ,and build your confidence back up is what you need to do.

Show them you can be perfectly happy and confident without them, that will peak their curriosity, because they think you should be home crying over them, even though that is not what will bring them back.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

so we talked a little last night (didn't tell him what i did). he asked again why i wouldn't come inside. before i could answer him he said that he invited me in coz he wants me to come in, not out of obligation. i then answered him by saying that i didn't want to see how better he was. he said that wasn't the case, but then i said it was true, that he was doing better. he didn't say anything back. i talked to my brother after that. he said that i didn't have to say anything about my new tattoo. he then agreed w/ me that my husband was going through his frat boy phase now since he wasn't able to do it before and that it wasn't fair that he was blaming me for it and that he went to computer school instead of college


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