# Sexless marriage



## jacidc

I'm a 49 yo female in a sexless marriage and I am so sick of it. My husband is 47, low T but takes injections and it has been normal. He has zero interest in sex, period. I have tried to talk to him about how devastating this is to me causing low self esteem, trust issues, feeling disconnected etc but he just doesn't care. In other areas our marriage is fine and he is very loving and attentive. I need advice on how to just except this and somehow be ok.


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## ccpowerslave

Why should you accept it and be ok?


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## jacidc

I'm not sure what else to do...


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## Personal

jacidc said:


> I'm not sure what else to do...


Well you could divorce him and find another man or more to satisfy your desires.


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## ccpowerslave

jacidc said:


> feeling disconnected etc but he just doesn't care. In other areas our marriage is fine and he is very loving


He doesn’t care about connecting with you sexually when it is an emotional need for you and he isn’t willing to work on it? How did he end up on TRT was that because of his low drive or some other reason?

A husband that doesn’t meet your needs in this important area isn’t fine and loving at least not in the way you need him to be.


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## Married but Happy

The only workable answer is divorce, then find someone else. The main reason people delay divorce is fear of the unknown, and delusional hope that things will change for the better. It's extremely rare that things improve, and one started, getting divorced isn't that bad unless you have kids and your spouse is fighting it.


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## FlaviusMaximus

jacidc said:


> ... I need advice on how to just except this and somehow be ok.


My advice would be to not accept it at all. Sex is a vital part of marriage and sexual abandonment is very serious. 
When you say he doesn't care, does he at least acknowledge it as a problem?


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## CatholicDad

Is he on porn? Normal, healthy men crave sex and in fact almost can’t live without it IMO.


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## Livvie

It's called divorce.


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## Mr.Married

You have to figure out what you fear more ... being sexless or divorced.


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## hamadryad

Its been my experience that with familiarity comes disinterest....in sex anyway....This doesn't always happen in every case, but it is common enough to be something of a trend...I think about this aspect often, and wonder if it is just natures way of assuring the viability of the species, Most animals would run themselves into extinction if they had operate under the same rules human's do.. I dunno...but I have noticed it enough...It really does make a lot of sense, when you think about it and take away the morality aspect...

I can't say what is best for you...The fact that he is taking T injections should mean that he's trying to find that sparkle again...Or he may be just using it for the other benefits, I really don't know., for sure...

The only real consistent thing I have noticed is that when the sex ship sails in a relationship, it almost never comes back...That's the biggest problem...And if it does, it may be no more than contrived and mechanical "duty" type of sex so he can get you off his back....Would that work for you??.

I know how hard it must be seems silly to throw everything in the toilet to get laid...But that is small consolation to those in that position...I wish you the best...


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## Htuna2

jacidc said:


> I'm a 49 yo female in a sexless marriage and I am so sick of it. My husband is 47, low T but takes injections and it has been normal. He has zero interest in sex, period. I have tried to talk to him about how devastating this is to me causing low self esteem, trust issues, feeling disconnected etc but he just doesn't care. In other areas our marriage is fine and he is very loving and attentive. I need advice on how to just except this and somehow be ok.


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## hamadryad

Htuna2 said:


> I am 68. When we lived at my house we had sex occasionally and he was affectionate. Once we moved to his parents' house end of 2004 all that ended. Have never had sex in the house once we moved in. Had sex twice in 2007 when he was out of state dealing with his father's estate. Been married 20 years. I tried to talk with him but to know avail. When I suggested going to MC years ago to put us on same page he told me we didn't need to.
> 
> Sleeps on sofa. If in bed when I am going to bed leaves and sleeps on sofa. When I come downstairs in the morning to start a normal day he leaves and goes to bed, staying there until 1:30-2:00 when he gets ready for work (gets home at midnight). Uses floor next to sofa as laundry basket. Extra clothes and shoes are everywhere.
> 
> On days he is off you never know when he will emerge from bed. For example: He tells me the night before he wants to go out to eat breakfast. So, I wait, and wait and wait until I finally eat, then he comes down ready to go. It could be 4 or 5 pm at that time.
> 
> When awake mainly plays on iPad. If one needs charging, gets another. When I try to have a conversation he is too busy playing games on iPad to respond.
> 
> Insults me frequently.
> 
> Unsupportive.
> 
> If I ask him to help me with something, it doesn't happen.
> 
> Last year we had a deck garden. Planted things we don't eat. Plants we do eat he wouldn't eat unless I picked and fixed them.
> 
> As soon as I clean, he makes a mess.
> 
> He likes to cook steak but sometimes I don't want him to because I have to clean up the mess and it's not worth it.
> 
> We have birds and I clean up the seed and such. As soon as I do that he feeds the bird right where I cleaned so it gets all over the floor.
> 
> He is like a teenager and seems to have ODD as he is frequently defiant over little things.
> 
> I could have a better conversation with a bump on a log. If I want to say something I give it a lot of thought as to whether it is worth saying and being verbally attacked, ignored or insulted.
> 
> Living room is hoarded with mostly his things and when I ask him to help (would take us a couple of hours at most) he tells me to hire someone to help me.
> 
> Know this is a long rant, but, I am tired, and the thought of him retiring next year and being here all the time is not enjoyable. Having someone who is supportive and enjoyable, except for sex, would be a dream.


You say you are 68 and I can only assume he is around the same age....

You expect a person to change at that point in life? Radical change??? That has a snowballs chance in hell of happening...I don't blame him either, no one would want to do that type of transformation at that age...I agree you sound like you aren't getting the fair shake, but c'mon, 70 years old? People don't do anything radical at that point, most anyway...


Sounds like the sex is done for you anyway, why don't you just get your own place and live the rest of your life without him? You can still be on good terms and without little kids it shouldn't be that hard...

I wouldn't want a woman to try to change me now and I am a lot younger than you guys...At 70, you can forget it....I'll be pissing off the front porch at that point while the neighbor walks the dog up the street, just for some entertainment...😃

All kidding aside, I feel for you, just that I wouldn't expect to see any change..>At this point you just need to play him or trade him....


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## Htuna2

hamadryad said:


> You say you are 68 and I can only assume he is around the same age....
> 
> You expect a person to change at that point in life? Radical change??? That has a snowballs chance in hell of happening...I don't blame him either, no one would want to do that type of transformation at that age...I agree you sound like you aren't getting the fair shake, but c'mon, 70 years old? People don't do anything radical at that point, most anyway...
> 
> 
> Sounds like the sex is done for you anyway, why don't you just get your own place and live the rest of your life without him? You can still be on good terms and without little kids it shouldn't be that hard...
> 
> I wouldn't want a woman to try to change me now and I am a lot younger than you guys...At 70, you can forget it....I'll be pissing off the front porch at that point while the neighbor walks the dog up the street, just for some entertainment...😃
> 
> All kidding aside, I feel for you, just that I wouldn't expect to see any change..>At this point you just need to play him or trade him....


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## hamadryad

Htuna2 said:


> He wasn't always like this and I am not trying to change him, just trying to deal with it. This sex behavior started after we moved into his parents' home. Then his mother died suddenly (seriously). Got up one morning in 2003 and said she wasn't going to live anymore. Two hours after that she was gone. Then, in 2007 the neighbor called and said his dad was in the hospital. Turns out he had been staying with her (with cell phones you don't know where someone is calling from). Died within a couple of weeks with stage 4 cancer of the spine. He started doing strange things after that. Never went to therapist to help him heal.


How old is he?


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## Htuna2

hamadryad said:


> How old is he?


64


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## Sunshine69

jacidc said:


> I'm a 49 yo female in a sexless marriage and I am so sick of it. My husband is 47, low T but takes injections and it has been normal. He has zero interest in sex, period. I have tried to talk to him about how devastating this is to me causing low self esteem, trust issues, feeling disconnected etc but he just doesn't care. In other areas our marriage is fine and he is very loving and attentive. I need advice on how to just except this and somehow be ok.


Hi,
I‘m curious to know what you did to resolve your issue if anything? I’m in the exact same situation except my husband won’t take anything for his low T. but has Viagra and won’t take it. I’m 51 and we haven’t had sex in over 8 mos and I feel I’m too young to never have sex again but I’m scared to leave. Just wanted to see how things turned out for you. Thanks!


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