# living in limbo... help!



## livingnlimbo (May 11, 2011)

My husband and I have been married for 8 years, but have been together for 12. We have three children.
He left me 4 months ago. We had been discussing separation for a few months, but after he left I quickly realized that it was a bad decission. 
I asked him to come home within a few days of him leaving and he said no. I acted like a fool in the very beginning- begging and crying. Now I try to stay indifferent but nice when I see him.
We see each other a lot because of the children. If I don’t ask any questions then we have no problems, but if I ask what he wants he tells me he’s “done”. He only says the word divorce when he is angry. 

We have been having sex most of the time he has been gone (it has been better than it has been for years), but I put a stop to it because I told him I didn’t want to be a booty call. 
A few weeks ago I ignored him for about 3 weeks and I could tell that it was really bothering him. He started making a point to talk to me and ask me how I was, which he hadn’t done in months. 
He initiated sex after I had been ignoring him, I told him no I want more than just this--- things proceeded and we had sex. Later when I asked him what he was doing he told me he was weak and it was a bad decision. He is not a bad person. I know he is not being vindictive or purposefully hurting me. 

He has on a few occations admitted that he is confused. I feel like he wants me and doesn’t want me. I have asked him how he feels about me seeing someone else (not that I am seeking that) and he tells me he doesn’t like the idea of it at all. 

I have told him how I feel and what I am willing to do and change to make things better and he tells me that he doesn’t want to be hurt again. He has cried several times in my present when discussing our relationship and our children and he is not a cryer. I have seen him cry more in the last few months than the entire 12 years we have been together.

I just don’t know what to do…. I am tired of living in limbo…. I feel like if I don’t push him and he has time to miss me he will come home. What is a resonable amount of time wait?

Let me say that I am not a weak willed women! I am very independent and at times hard. My life experiences have taught me to be a tough- take no crap kind of lady. He has some anger issues, but for the most part he is very loving and kind. I thought this was what I wanted, but I know it is not right! I love him and I want my family back together. 

Please help….


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

What led to the initial separation? That seems important to helping find a solution. It is not just all about what you want now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He abandoned you and is waffling. So do NOT reward him with sex.

Time to make him uncomfortable, time to make him choose.

Tell him you want your marriage and a committment, if he can't give you that, then you aren't going to hold him against his will but will be making moves to go on with your life w/o him.

Then you have to BACK IT UP with actions.

Are you SURE there is not someone else int eh picture?


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## livingnlimbo (May 11, 2011)

sisters359- we were fighting a lot, we are not very good at communicating with each other. 
I am not sure if I pushed him away first or he started pushing me first and I decided to push back... 
He had a lot of work commitments and things that kept him gone and I didn't feel very important. His temper was very SHORT!

jellybeans- He tells me there is not... I don't know for 100%.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Limbo-

Personally, I think the time allowed to "wait" depends on the individual. For me, I will let go when I feel at peace with not being with my H anymore, and not for self preservation.

As for the sex, you were smart to cut it off because why would he want to work on your marriage when he can come and go as he pleases and have sex?
That isn't fair to you.

People will give you all sorts of advice on what they think you should do, but in the end the decision has to be yours. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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