# What to do?



## catlady4 (Jan 31, 2013)

Hi! I am considering separation from my husband of nine years. When we were dating, he was very attentive. All that changed right after we were married. This is a second marriages for us both. He was still very angry and bitter about his first marriage. I had nothing to do with the breakup of that marriage and came along about an year after it was complete.

I have been ignored for years. He may have been home but he never tuned into me. He was always playing xbox with his son. His son is now 20 years old and refuses to work. He lives with his mother but my husband bought him a car and keeps paying his bills. I think I was very patient and understanding. 

We have never had real affection in our marriage. We did dating but not after. There was no hand holding, cuddling or even real conversations for years. We were rarely intimate and have gone without sex for a year once. This is not my choice. Neither one of us has cheated.

About 6 months ago, I completely shut down. I felt so lonely and unwanted. I have been diagnosed with depression. I believe it stems from my circumstances at home. I expressed to my husband many times a year over every year of our marriage that I needed affection. I have cried to him, yelled at him, threatened to leave and even begged him. He never took me serious and made no efforts to change. I am not an unattractive woman. 

Well a month ago I told him I was leaving and he realized I was serious. Since then, he has tried to make up for lost time. I am still very angry and resentful about all the years I was "alone". I am not sure I can let go of that at this point in time. I want space and have an apartment to move into on Friday. He is not happy and can't understand why I can't take him at his word one more time. He is making me feel very guilty.

I have two children from my first marriage. One is going to college in the fall and the other has 2 more years of highschool. He tells me I am being unfair to them. They have never really been able to have friends over for all this time because my husband doesn't like to have people over. I even had to have a tupperware party at another friends house. He inspects the floors for scratches on a regular basis and I am at my wits end.

I am not looking for permission to leave. I just want to know if any of you have been in a similar situation. How did you handle it? I really feel leaving for a period of time is the only way.


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