# how long do i give it?



## 987654321 (Jan 31, 2013)

here is my situation. i have been married over 10 years. we have 3 kids. he has never been a good communicator. i am an overcommunicator. we have had many issues in the past reguarding his bad choices with jobs, spending etc. but basically we were good or so i thought. i am a pretty happy person dispite wht is going on. and pretty much that is all i want in return. smiles, hugs, talking. if he is home, help with the kids. over the last few years, there were always times when he would withdraw and the more i craved the normal day to day relationship stuff, the more he withdrew. truns out a few of these times he "rekindled" old relationships online and they developed into cyber cheating- sex talk, picture swapping etc. i have always given him more and more chances. we have recently moved back closer to family, and had a string of bad stuff like family members sick, a death, bancruptcy. and with it all came the discovery of yet another online sex relationship with someone from his past. i have not had feelings for anyone since i meet my husband 12 years ago. recently i met someone who is divorced and seems very nice. gives me that tingle. i dont want to throw away a marriage i have been trying to make work for years now, and i dont want to mess up my kids. i also do not want to live with this grumpy withdrawn person either! how do you make this kind of decision?!?


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

Apparently your husband doesn't have much regard for you or your marriage. If you are the one trying to keep things together and he is cyber cheating give him a wake up call. Don't let him disrespect you any more. Kick him and the computer to the curb. If you are unhappy make a change. He already threw away your marriage. I'm sure the your kids aren't very happy if the two of you aren't. They deserve parents that are happy and know how to show love and respect for each other. I don't know, but I sure can't love someone I don't trust. I'm sorry that you are here. It's never easy deciding to spilt up your family or not.


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## COfan (Oct 4, 2012)

Sure sounds like you have been dealing with alot
So..are you asking us if you should get divorced? And how to make that kind of decision? Or are you asking us if you should pursue this other man? I can understand enjoying attention from a man since you aren't getting that from your husband, but..the higher road to take would to be to stay true to your marriage vows and get into marital counseling. Even if your husband won't go..it'll provide you with some healthy direction. I think I would try to see if things are "fixable" before throwing in the towel. (Especially since you mentioned your concerns about the kids). I may sound like a broken record on this site..but a great book to get a copy of is_ Love Must Be Tough _by James Dobson. I'm hoping for the best for you..please let us know how things are going......


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## Ametista (Feb 7, 2013)

That "tingle" is just hormones and would disappear within a couple weeks of actually sleeping with him. Never fall for that! Your husband's cheating though, that's a major issue and you should not mention "tingle guy" with "online sex cheater husband" in the same paragraph. Your husband has been a real rat to you, you could try counselling but I don't think I could get past that. Are you sure he hasn't physically cheated? How would you know?


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

I would not stay with a person I couldn't trust, plain and simple. My wife knows that if she ever had an affair it would be over, no second chances, no hope of ever staying together.

Once the trust is gone from a marriage it isn't a marriage. Why would you want to mentally torture yourself thinking "is he being faithful?"


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