# Emotionally tortured, please help me!



## 000v (May 5, 2012)

I have married for 1.5. we have sex once a week but he masturbates everyday, in the shower with his phone, n every possible chance am away from the house he masturbates using his laptop. I don't care what he does it just makes me really ANGRY. We even talked about it and now HE HIDES AND DOES IT. He hates smooching, being touched, he gets annoyed if he is being kissed on his neck, nibbled on his ears, and he also hates it when i touch him on his ass or his penis... ALL he likes is powder, soap, oil, undershirts, cell phone, laptop where he watches porn on spanish tube, mom and son, belly dancing, burlesque, bikni videos, hamster PRON website, youtube dirty videos, and all nasty videos, and websites. I feel sickening just seeing all of it and think that am not good enough for him, that i am a burden on him by living in his house, feel like killing myself or running away. he should have just married his cell phone and laptop, its so bloody annoying to just have all this affection and there is none from the other side. Yes, I understand a man works hards he comes back home and wants to relax and watch tv then why the ****kkk does he gets married. I HATE IT ALL! Every time he masturbates, either he is super lovey to me may be because he is guilty i donno, or he becomes one nasty jerk. He talks arrogantly, SWEARS LIKE A FIRE CRACKER, HE shows no EMOTIONS at alllllllll expect when am sick or special occasion, or when we are with ppl. I AM SO ANNOYED, so confused... what should I DO? and after all that in very rare occasions he says that he loves me, i do to but its FADING and he is causing it... and when we have sex, he doesn't look at me, not in my eyes, nor he kisses me, he holds his hands on the bed and just does the job... thats what it look like... and ITS really frustrating and if i do anything or move he starts swearing.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Have you tried having sex with him more? What does he say when you try to discuss the way his daily masturbating makes you feel? If I were in your shoes I would request some marriage counseling to get o the bottom of the sexual issue. That is if you love him. If you don't you may as well leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 000v (May 5, 2012)

i try to have sex, wear sexy things for him, act all cute and all, and we do have sex once a week, but am tired of always initiating it and another thing is he is always too tired but will stay up late watch tv, sit on his laptop and all of that.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

He needs to compromise and quit masturbating and have sex with you, you need to let him know in a serious conversation how bad this is bothering you during a non sexually charged time, start the conversation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 000v (May 5, 2012)

I am so scared of him, like i am soooooooooooo afraid to tell him anything because then i think that he will be really mad and then he will burst out saying that i always want it my way and doesn't want him to let him be and i want him to be my puppet and all, but in reality i want him to be honest with me and just stop the wrong doings and because of this feeling i can never TRUST him so i can't tell him things. :'( i am so fed up with life, with everything, i just want to end my LIFE! :'((((((


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

From what I have read that you posted here, it almost sounds like he has been a sexually abused victim in his past. I'm not saying for sure that he was, but it does sound like it. No emotions, not looking in the eyes, touching, kissing, intimacy etc, etc, he just wants to do the deed and be done. Then if you express how you feel he gets angry. 

Here is my suggestion to you, you need to seek some therapy. I know you're probably thinking why do you need it, but you are a victim of whats going on with him. You're angry, hurt, confused and wanting to end your life over it, thats a huge red flag! You need to tell a professional what you have told us here, and let them tell you what they feel you should do or what may or may not be going on with him. 


IMO, I think you need to seek therapy and get out of this mess ASAP. Its a hard road, with a lot of work, and you can NOT help him. He will have to do that on his own, and right now he doesn't even see that theres a problem. Or, he may see there is one and not care. You need to take care of you.


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## 000v (May 5, 2012)

he was heart broken a few times, but nothing physical... He doesn't believe in love, he doesn't think a wife can love his husband, he thinks that everyone wants something from everyone. And i was the only only women he touched and did it with. 

He said he has been doing masturbation for a really long time and when i told him its something i don't like he said he will try to stop but he does it every morning, every time i am out of the house or out of sight. its just i feel like he is breaking the connection the bond.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

000v said:


> he was heart broken a few times, but nothing physical... He doesn't believe in love, he doesn't think a wife can love his husband, he thinks that everyone wants something from everyone. And i was the only only women he touched and did it with.
> 
> He said he has been doing masturbation for a really long time and when i told him its something i don't like he said he will try to stop but he does it every morning, every time i am out of the house or out of sight. its just i feel like he is breaking the connection the bond.


I'm not sure there ever was a real connection or bond there, sorry. He has some issues that need to be addressed. Even if he wasn't sexually abused, his beliefs about love, women not loving their husbands, etc, is not a healthy belief. My guess is this was a learned behavior/thought process, or someone hurt him so bad in his life that this is his negative way of thinking to keep him close to one person only, himself.


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## 000v (May 5, 2012)

Thats what i always thought that its his negativity towards worlds most beautiful feeling LOVE. And i thought that maybe me being here for him, pouring down my heart, showering him with love, doing everything to put a smile on face, try to hug him, tell him how good looking he is, tell him how amazing he is, tell him how much i appreciate him working so hard... But he hardly ever smiles when he is home, i don't think he appreciates me being here, never compliments, cares soooooooo much about his FRIENDS and gets angry in a snap and makes me CRY everyday...


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

000v said:


> Thats what i always thought that its his negativity towards worlds most beautiful feeling LOVE. And i thought that maybe me being here for him, pouring down my heart, showering him with love, doing everything to put a smile on face, try to hug him, tell him how good looking he is, tell him how amazing he is, tell him how much i appreciate him working so hard... But he hardly ever smiles when he is home, i don't think he appreciates me being here, never compliments, cares soooooooo much about his FRIENDS and gets angry in a snap and makes me CRY everyday...


What you do and say will likely fall on deaf ears. This is is a man who is lost in his negative thought process and past hurts. I know you want to and wish to help him but its not going to work. He needs professional help, and you need to think long and hard about what you truly want. You deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who can love you back, appreciate you etc, I don't think you will find that with him.


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## 000v (May 5, 2012)

He cares, he feeds me, he senses that am angry or upset, he takes care of me when i am sick... But i donno why i want the normal things that husband and wife do, the way i have seen my parents when i was growing up. I feel like am caged in one house, we don't ever go out, not many friends to go to... I feel so lonely so bored so tired and everyday praying and hoping that today will be a wonderful day, today i won't cry, today something bad won't happen, today something wrong won't happen, i am in a constant stress that i need to do this i need to do that. ITS LIKE EVERYDAY IS A THE SAME BORING CIRCLE, I AM SOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYED, I AM ANNOYED THAT I CAN't do anything to change itttt.... I MISS my parents and my sibling, my old life, it was so much fun, i HAD everything that made me happy.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Is your family close by? Do you have any close friends around? I really think you should first take care of yourself by visiting a therapist. Don't think about your situation right now for the next few weeks. Just give youself some time and take some efforts to reach a better emotional and mental place! Right now you are really in a bad place mentally, you need to calm down.

Once you are a little more stable and positive you can think about how to deal with your situation. I am sure you will find all the answers you are looking for at that time. Right now, just don't worry about it. Do not let yourself be affected by whats happening around. Let him do what he want to, just don't bother. Do not expect anything from him for the next few weeks.

Schedule an apt with a good therapist, talk to family and friends, work out daily, go out for walks, watch good movies, read good books. Your most important responsibility is to take care of yourself first. Do that as step one! Later you can think about how to handle your situation. First, be equipped and make yourself strong for that.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Why did you marry him?


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Is he addicted to pornography? It sounds like he has some real intimacy issues. Has it always been this way? How long have you guys been together? Would he consider a "porn fast" like, for a week allow actual sex with you to be the only outlet for the sexual energy and see if that changes things? How is your relationship otherwise? He seems to be struggling to see you as a person and is only seeing you as a sexual object that he can play with when he wants and set aside when he is bored. Is he like that in other aspects of life? He sounds immature. Have you guys talked about this at all? How does he respond?


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

000v said:


> Thats what i always thought that its his negativity towards worlds most beautiful feeling LOVE. And i thought that maybe me being here for him, pouring down my heart, showering him with love, doing everything to put a smile on face, try to hug him, tell him how good looking he is, tell him how amazing he is, tell him how much i appreciate him working so hard... But he hardly ever smiles when he is home, i don't think he appreciates me being here, never compliments, cares soooooooo much about his FRIENDS and gets angry in a snap and makes me CRY everyday...


You can't fill that hole inside him with your love. It's a bottomless pit. It's only going to get fixed if HE chooses to do something about it.

Allowing him to use you and punish you every day, to make you cry every day, is not acceptable to you and not helpful to him. You're enabling him to continue living this way and you're sacrificing yourself in the process.

Sure, he's hurting about something and you want to fix him, but in the process, you're killing yourself and not helping him anyway. 

Please see a counselor. You sound dangerously depressed. A pro might be able to teach you some coping skills to look objectively at your situation.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

I am not one of those people who gives the advice GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING. It's a waste of time with a man like your husband. Not even two years in and he prefers porn over you and doesn't like to be touched? 

Either he is gay or he is addicted to porn. OR BOTH. You need to be with someone who respects you and wants you as much as you want them. He is not going to wake up one day and change. He will just get worse and so will your resentment. 

Life is too short, you deserve to be happy. It doesn't sound like your husband makes you happy. Also, trying to reason with a person who doesn't want to be touched and masturbates like a monkey on a rock at the zoo is impossible. Monkey's cannot understand English. They just throw their feces at you. Stop accepting the feces and take care of yourself. Get tough and get out.


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