# Why would someone say something they didn't mean?



## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

Long story short, during D-Day my wife said she thought about leaving me. Shortly after she told me that she wasn't in love with me twice, once when she was sober and a second time when she was drunk.

Much later after D-Day, maybe 4 months or so after she said that she didn't mean it when she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. I've said multiple times that it doesn't make sense, that someone wouldn't say something like that just because.

So help me understand, why would someone say that they don't love their spouse anymore and then say later on down the road that they didn't mean what they said.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Because it's hurtful. And it may be what they were feeling at the time. I don't know your history...was she in an EA or PA?

That wonderful FOG makes people say the darndest things. My wife told me she hated me. She wasted fifteen years of her life with me. And that her heart was ALWAYS with the OM throughout our entire marriage.

Was it true? Absolutely not. But it felt true to her at that moment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

Forsaken said:


> Long story short, during D-Day my wife said she thought about leaving me. Shortly after she told me that she wasn't in love with me twice, once when she was sober and a second time when she was drunk.
> 
> Much later after D-Day, maybe 4 months or so after she said that she didn't mean it when she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. I've said multiple times that it doesn't make sense, that someone wouldn't say something like that just because.
> 
> So help me understand, why would someone say that they don't love their spouse anymore and then say later on down the road that they didn't mean what they said.


In my case my H cheated, and I didn't feel love for him at the time he asked me if I loved him. I was dealing with a stranger who had betrayed me. I did not love that person. It took several months of hard work on his part to let me get back in touch with my feelings for him. He also was doing his very best not to tell me the complete truth and I knew it somehow, and I could not, and did not trust him.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

It could be that she wanted something. It could be that when she retracted her comment, she was trying to keep you around, but deep down she still means it. Just offering another perspective - and based on your other thread, I think the girl needs to go.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Option 1... She was lieing initially. She might say that because she wanted to hurt you. She might have said that because it would give her a way out of the relationship (i.e. exit affair). She might have felt it would have made you let her go.

Option 2... She's lieing now. You're "plan B", and the other relationship fell through.

Option 3... She was telling the truth initially. She might have "fallen out of love" with you, as far as she was actually feeling. She might have resented what she felt pushed her to her actions. Then the reconciliation work you two did brought it back. It could truly have been what she felt at the time.

C


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

She lied. The problem is figuring out when, then or now.

Good luck


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She meant it but probably regrets telling you. Sort of like the idiot guy who tells his wife that her best friend is hot and then later retracts. He still thinks she's hot but wishes he had better sense than to open his mouth about it.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

AlphaO - She was in an EA

Thank you all for your input! I guess I will never really know...


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I'd say she was confused when she originally said those things, unsure of what she felt or thought. In the fog. 

Question is, now with hindsight, is she still confused.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

PBear said:


> Option 2... She's lieing now. You're "plan B", and the other relationship fell through.
> 
> C


It was this. But when coming back to you has to fully committed to you now? My wife was plan B, and it took me a long time to finally realize she should have never been plan B but the only one I should have needed.

I'm lucky to have my wife. If she was in an EA and you're the fall back guy, I hope you 2 have finally resolved the root cause of the problem that led to the EA. If not, get ready to hear those words all over again.

Good luck to the both of you.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

I agree. You will never really know.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

So, is it wrong that sometimes I feel like my W is only staying with me because of health insurance? She has ulcerative colitis and has to get an infusion every 4-6 weeks that costs roughly $13k-14k before insurance.

We've gone through similar situations like this EA before and looking back she apparently never learned from them. With this one she is acting like this is the first time and saying that it will never happen again and that she has learned from her mistakes, and I don't see why I should believe her. 

I guess I kind of feel like she's only staying with me for the health insurance because the only variable that has changed from the past situations is her health.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

[email protected] this is going to be the thorn in your side forever, my friend. Best not dwell on it if you're going to stay; if not just D and get over it- start anew.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Forsaken,

People talk and they frequently say crap they don't mean for all sorts of reasons. You're wondering if she loves you or not. I'll help you fix this problem and any future problem regarding confusion over someone's words. The truth is always in their actions. Does she typically treat you lovingly? If so, she loves you. If she doesn't treat you lovingly; if she doesn't show compassion, respect, simple courtesy, if she's serially neglectful of you and your feelings, she doesn't love you. Doesn't matter what she said or didn't say. If she treats you as if she loves you but her words don't agree, believe her actions and consider her words to be hasty, meaningless noise tossed out in temporary anger.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Forsaken said:


> Much later after D-Day, maybe 4 months or so after she said that she didn't mean it when she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. I've said multiple times that it doesn't make sense, that someone wouldn't say something like that just because.


Oh, she definitely meant it at the time. To say she didn't mean it is an excuse she doesn't want to accept responsiblity for what she said. It wasn't some spontaneous, heat of the moment type of thing, it was real at the time for her. She needs to accept responsibility for what she said and apologize for it.


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