# Should I stay or go??



## freshstarts (Sep 4, 2012)

Hello. I have been married to my husband for 12 years. We have an 11 year old daughter and a nearly 4 year old son. The past 10 years we have struggled in our relationship. My husband has a serious addiction to prescription pills. He has been to rehab twice and we have seperated a few times. However I feel very strong in my wedding vows. As well as I hate to bust up our family because of the pain the kids will go through. Not to mention I am terified of him being able to get my kids for visitation and what may happen to them while he is high. He always gets caught and its always the same story. I keep forgiving and trying. He keeps lying and taking money. It is now to a point that my daughter understands and knows when he comes home high as well. He tend s to be very angry with me and her only when he is high. She is always crying and telling me she hates him. I have tried crying being angry threatening and begging and get no where. I mean he usually does good for a few months then its back to the lies and going to doctors and buying and selling on the street. We have lost so much due to his drug issue. His own parents who love him very much cant even stand him. This summer he hurt his back again and went to doctor and its been down hill since. He is on morphine pills and hydrocodone that they prescribe him. He gets a prescription and within 24 hours half of that is gone. Then he gives them to me to give to him daily. Only then he goes and buys off the street. I'm terrified to leave because what about the kids being with him alone? i know it will not be good for him if he is on his own. But its to the point we are arguing over everything. I cant even say that I like him at this point. Even with all this I ask him last weeko put this all away and start over. We got a marriage counselor and he went to the counselor on Friday high and then stayed high saturday and sunday. The only thing he said was "I dont know why I did it, I am so sorry, I love you and the kids," oh and "You act like i am a horrible person but Im not..I love you and the kids" and should I mention over these years of his addiction, we have lost our house, truck, bussiness, and he even stole my jewlry and told me he could because we are married and my stuff is his stuff. I'm so confused and hurt and dont know what to do. I want to leave and be done but I am so scared of sharing the kids and what will happen to them with all this.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

File if he won't get help. As for the kids being with him, if he's got a drug problem there is no way he's going to be able to see the kids.

Maybe this is what's needed to get him to clean up. If not then you've already given so much and he's shouldn't be your problem anymore. Your kids are your main concern right now.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Telling you he loves you and the kids is MEANINGLESS. Words mean NOTHING. ACTION means EVERYTHING.

Leave him for the sake of your children. Your 11yo NOW recognizes when her father is stoned and is afraid of his temper. How long until your 4yo recognizes that your husband is stoned? Is THIS what you want them to see? To remember about their father? About their childhood?

Get the H*LL OUT. Get yourself some free/low-cost counseling. Get your daughter into AlAnon's teen program (or the equivalent). Get an attorney and explain your husband's problem; have your attorney work to ensure that your husband does NOT get to see your children EXCEPT under SUPERVISED conditions.

Do NOT worry about whether this is the 'come-to-Jesus' moment that makes him turn his life around. It doesn't matter. YOUR PLATE will be VERY FULL with caring for yourself and your precious children.

Good luck to you; let us know how it's going.


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## freshstarts (Sep 4, 2012)

I have talked with an attorney and unfortunatly for me they are saying UNTIL he gets caught with the kids with him doing the drugs, in a wreck, or arrested then I have to give him rights. I can prove he doctor shops and has been to rehabs but they said that doesnt count. She told me if I want to keep him from the kids my best bet is to stay married but seperated and then there is no law that says I have to give the kids to him. I so agree actions mean everything and words from him are nothing anymore. He keeps giving me sappy stories and crying and saying sorry but i so dont care anymore. I am so over him and this roller coaster of a marriage. I am still scared about the kids. And I am so sad of the pain they are enduring and are going to endure. All I ever wanted was for the kids to have a mom and dad together and be happy. I am going to talk to another attorney to make sure of my options but at this point I feel trapped.


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