# Getting help too late



## guildford1 (Jan 11, 2013)

Hi all, very new to this forum and finding life very hard.
I was a police a officer for 12 years. I have been with my wife for 9 years and would have been married for 6 years in Sept 13. We have two children at school of a young age.
I got arrested and suspended from my job in Feb 12 and eventually dismissed in July 12. I was out of work for some time but found a little job to help. We are also experiencing money problems due to me loosing my job. I am also still waiting to hear if my case is going to court, so its been a long year.
What I didnt see was the depression taking over my life and how it changed me. I can look back now and see I was verbally agrressive towards my wife but I just didnt see it. There was no physical violence.
On 21st Dec 12 while I was at work my wife with the help of her family moved all her belongings and childrens out and into her mothers address. All I got was text message saying she could no longer live like this. I was absolutely devastated. 
My wife would not have any contact with me but I managed to get a reply to a text message and got see the children for two hours on christmas eve. Rightly or wrongly I told my wife I wasnt going to retrun the children. I just wanted her to feel the hurt I had been feeling over the last couple of days. My intention was never to keep the children. Anyway the wife turned up with her step dad and we ended up in tussle. This resulted in the police being called.
Anyway long story short she went with the children and I have not had any contact. My wife will not speak to me or reply to a text or email. I understand now whatever trust she had for me is now gone.
On Boxing day I tried killing myself. This was not a cry for help, I really meant to do it. 
Anyway it didnt work and I ended up in hospital. 
The doctors diagnosed with me with major depression which they believe I have been suffering from the last year and its just got worse and worse. Changing my behaviour and the way I was thinking. 
I have been getting medical help and taking medication daily. Like I said I can now look back and see that I was not the best person to be living with. I was not myself and acted in a way to scare my wife to point she left.
I just don't want to loose her and need her to understand that I have been ill for the last year. I have emailed her and explained all and everything the doctors have been telling me. Unfortunately she will still not have any contact with me and its eating me up inside. I just want a chance to prove im mending. We used to be a happy couple. I just dont know what to do know now. Ive even suggested going to counselling for a starting point. I still get no reply.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Forget about convincing your wife about anything, and concentrate on YOU. Become the person you want to be, and all else will follow.


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## guildford1 (Jan 11, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## guildford1 (Jan 11, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> Forget about convincing your wife about anything, and concentrate on YOU. Become the person you want to be, and all else will follow.


Hope, I know your right and that is what everyone keeps telling me. My problem is she was the centre of my universe. As I told my health worker today, I can't believe the way I have acted towards her. That was never me but unfortunately it was and I feel guilty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Apologize sincerely to her, then forgive yourself and move on. Make yourself the center of your universe. Don't worry about her reaction or lack thereof.

I know it's easier said than done, but that's what you need to do. If you're in therapy, your therapist should be able to help with that.

I hope you find peace.


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