# REBUTTAL OF THE THREAD CREATD BY MY WIFE



## My heart bleeds

Hello all,
A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread created by my wife ( ?).
this is the link below

I need your sincere input | Talk About Marriage

MY RESPONSE.
First let me thank our mutual friend Agatha for being so caring for my family.

Well, I am here to set the record straight.
I would not have bothered to respond, but maybe the comments from members of this your group might jolt us back to reality.
For the readers, what happened is this :
You called me that you are going to do some expenditures on that our business plan, and that you have earmarked x amount of money. I said it was a good plan ( I was not critical immediately to avoid you saying that I am always against good things) and we kept talking about the plans.
So after some days, I told you that next time, it will be appropriate that we ought to discuss such plans together and that it was not the best for you to decide all by yourself and only informed me of what you have chosen to do for a decision that affects the both of us. You flared up immediately that I do not have the right to tell you that, and THAT YOU ARE ALONE WITH THE CHILDREN (like you always say) and that you have many things that you are doing at the same time. I then replied you that I also have many things going through my mind. ( I replied you this way because you always say this anytime I want to have a discussion with you). You flared up and insulted me then hung up.
I called you immediately many times. I called you again at night, I sent you several messages, although I did not apologize directly but the messages I sent reflected that I was sorry. In one of the messages, I explained that I was critical, becuase you do know we have other more pressing plans that w needed funds for, and that what your budgeted was a bit too high. But you refused to let go like you have always done for these 8 years. Every week for 6 weeks I sent you messages that you never replied to.
In this period, you also changed apartment without even deeming it fit to tell me. (Yes I know before this misunderstanding, it was already the plan that you will be changing apartment. But the anger still did not allow you tell me as at when you finally moved to the new apartment, till now, it has been more than 3 months that you moved, you still did not inform me although the children told me about it, you know they did, but I expected that at least you should tell me about it by yourself.)
I did not just stop picking your calls because I wanted to stop, I did it for my self respect and sanity. It is the first time I am refusing to pick your call, or even not to talk to you after 8 years of marriage Have I ever held any grudge against you for more than 24hrs, have you ever had to apologise more than once on anything without me accepting your apology immediately, that is even if you apologise at all. ? !. Rather you are the one that reminds me at every giving opportunity that I know you can decide not to talk to me again and stay on you own, and that I am the one that will suffer. Infact, you always do this, while I was at home. You can stay on for weeks and months without talking to me for the slightest misunderstanding, I am always the one that will try and make peace, and each time you either humiliate me by refusing to make peace till whenever you are satisfied. It has been like this for these 8 years. Even if I want to hold a discussion with you at home, it is either you are busy on the phone, and If I try to ask you to focus you just tell me I should summarise and that you listen with your ears, and not your phone or your hands. However, sometimes ( like 20 per cent of cases) you do listen to me.

Even when the children are being difficult, you threaten them by telling them to go ask their father the kind of person you are, and that you do not tolerate nonsense from anyone. Yes, you are right, you do not, that is probably why every single person in your family-aunts, uncles, and cousins, are all not in communication with you apart from your mum, and your sister who walk eggshells when they speak with you. Imagine!
I wonder why you are so proud of these difficult attributes of yours.
Recall that before that very day that you hung up on me,( in fact also since the beginning of the union), you have been insulting me on each time I call, If we are discussing and I ask you a question about what you have said, you always say that I don’t pay attention. You accuse me of not caring about how you managed the children alone by yourself. I understand it is hard to raise 2 kids under the age of 6 all by yourself, however like I have always told you, lets thank God, it could have been worse- not having children is hard, having children is also hard.
I can barely talk to you on phone, each time I call you, you tell me you are busy with the kids, and most times you just ask me to summarise and then you hang up. You even said if I do not call before 8.45pm, I can no longer reach you, few times when I have to call like few minutes to your deadline, no matter how important our discussion is, once it s 8.45 pm, the phone disconnects and that will be it. However, when you have personal issues , we can stay on the phone til 2 am. You can not even bend that rule for me. You barely return my calls, if you see my missed calls, sometimes it may take you days and most times you do not return them at all, if I ask, you are quick to say, you are alone managing the children and that your are already too stressed up to be bothered about missed calls.

Much earlier than this incident that you hung up on me, you asked me never to wish you any kind of good wishes like happy birthdays, Christmas, mother’s day and all those. Because you said I do not care that it is all lip service. I thought it was just frustration, but for the last 1 year, you have consistently refused to respond to my Christmas, New Year and even your birthday wishes.You ignored all my wishes!
5 months before that faithful day that you escalated your disdain for me to a whole new level, you talked to me on the phone with reckless abandon, even on my birthday, you managed to call me around 7 pm and your birthday wish to me was this “ I WISH YOU WHAT YOU WISH YOURSELF”, I told you it was not a fair wish, and the next thing, it led to outburst again and that was that, and you hung up. Remember, you forgot my birthday for the past 3 consecutive years.
Obviously, in the preceeding 5 months, you have been looking for what I will do so that you can cut me off, the opportunity came and you took it like a Viking.
How often can a married woman stay without getting in contact with her husband for this long over a matter as simple as that, and she is not bothered at all.
I needed to let go for once. I am tired of fighting for the advancement of this union. It has been 8 years of this gruesome treatment.
You think everyone is wrong apart from you.
Please if there is any FALSEHOOD in what I have written, I will be glad that you tell your audience. AGATHA OUR MUTUAL FRIEND IS READING THIS AND SHE CAN TESTIFY TO ALL I HAVE SAID. Moreover, this is just one small aspect of all that has happened these past 8 years. I just decided to skip a thousand others.
I only choose to focus on this alone. You know there are a thousand things that are worse than this that have happened.
I am glad that the vast majority of your audience could not be manipulated by your story.

Maybe I would have just stayed back home in Nairobi 7 years ago, may it could not have been this bad. This is my Canada reality!
I would be a liar if I say do not miss you. But I have just come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served!
Dear Wife, Enjoy the reality you created for yourself and stay blessed...!


----------



## BeyondRepair007

My heart bleeds said:


> Hello all,
> A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread created by my wife ( ?).
> this is the link below
> 
> I need your sincere input | Talk About Marriage
> 
> MY RESPONSE.
> First let me thank our mutual friend Agatha for being so caring for my family.
> 
> Well, I am here to set the record straight.
> I would not have bothered to respond, but maybe the comments from members of this your group might jolt us back to reality.
> For the readers, what happened is this :
> You called me that you are going to do some expenditures on that our business plan, and that you have earmarked x amount of money. I said it was a good plan ( I was not critical immediately to avoid you saying that I am always against good things) and we kept talking about the plans.
> So after some days, I told you that next time, it will be appropriate that we ought to discuss such plans together and that it was not the best for you to decide all by yourself and only informed me of what you have chosen to do for a decision that affects the both of us. You flared up immediately that I do not have the right to tell you that, and THAT YOU ARE ALONE WITH THE CHILDREN (like you always say) and that you have many things that you are doing at the same time. I then replied you that I also have many things going through my mind. ( I replied you this way because you always say this anytime I want to have a discussion with you). You flared up and insulted me then hung up.
> I called you immediately many times. I called you again at night, I sent you several messages, although I did not apologize directly but the messages I sent reflected that I was sorry. In one of the messages, I explained that I was critical, becuase you do know we have other more pressing plans that w needed funds for, and that what your budgeted was a bit too high. But you refused to let go like you have always done for these 8 years. Every week for 6 weeks I sent you messages that you never replied to.
> In this period, you also changed apartment without even deeming it fit to tell me. (Yes I know before this misunderstanding, it was already the plan that you will be changing apartment. But the anger still did not allow you tell me as at when you finally moved to the new apartment, till now, it has been more than 3 months that you moved, you still did not inform me although the children told me about it, you know they did, but I expected that at least you should tell me about it by yourself.)
> I did not just stop picking your calls because I wanted to stop, I did it for my self respect and sanity. It is the first time I am refusing to pick your call, or even not to talk to you after 8 years of marriage Have I ever held any grudge against you for more than 24hrs, have you ever had to apologise more than once on anything without me accepting your apology immediately, that is even if you apologise at all. ? !. Rather you are the one that reminds me at every giving opportunity that I know you can decide not to talk to me again and stay on you own, and that I am the one that will suffer. Infact, you always do this, while I was at home. You can stay on for weeks and months without talking to me for the slightest misunderstanding, I am always the one that will try and make peace, and each time you either humiliate me by refusing to make peace till whenever you are satisfied. It has been like this for these 8 years. Even if I want to hold a discussion with you at home, it is either you are busy on the phone, and If I try to ask you to focus you just tell me I should summarise and that you listen with your ears, and not your phone or your hands. However, sometimes ( like 20 per cent of cases) you do listen to me.
> 
> Even when the children are being difficult, you threaten them by telling them to go ask their father the kind of person you are, and that you do not tolerate nonsense from anyone. Yes, you are right, you do not, that is probably why every single person in your family-aunts, uncles, and cousins, are all not in communication with you apart from your mum, and your sister who walk eggshells when they speak with you. Imagine!
> I wonder why you are so proud of these difficult attributes of yours.
> Recall that before that very day that you hung up on me,( in fact also since the beginning of the union), you have been insulting me on each time I call, If we are discussing and I ask you a question about what you have said, you always say that I don’t pay attention. You accuse me of not caring about how you managed the children alone by yourself. I understand it is hard to raise 2 kids under the age of 6 all by yourself, however like I have always told you, lets thank God, it could have been worse- not having children is hard, having children is also hard.
> I can barely talk to you on phone, each time I call you, you tell me you are busy with the kids, and most times you just ask me to summarise and then you hang up. You even said if I do not call before 8.45pm, I can no longer reach you, few times when I have to call like few minutes to your deadline, no matter how important our discussion is, once it s 8.45 pm, the phone disconnects and that will be it. However, when you have personal issues , we can stay on the phone til 2 am. You can not even bend that rule for me. You barely return my calls, if you see my missed calls, sometimes it may take you days and most times you do not return them at all, if I ask, you are quick to say, you are alone managing the children and that your are already too stressed up to be bothered about missed calls.
> 
> Much earlier than this incident that you hung up on me, you asked me never to wish you any kind of good wishes like happy birthdays, Christmas, mother’s day and all those. Because you said I do not care that it is all lip service. I thought it was just frustration, but for the last 1 year, you have consistently refused to respond to my Christmas, New Year and even your birthday wishes.You ignored all my wishes!
> 5 months before that faithful day that you escalated your disdain for me to a whole new level, you talked to me on the phone with reckless abandon, even on my birthday, you managed to call me around 7 pm and your birthday wish to me was this “ I WISH YOU WHAT YOU WISH YOURSELF”, I told you it was not a fair wish, and the next thing, it led to outburst again and that was that, and you hung up. Remember, you forgot my birthday for the past 3 consecutive years.
> Obviously, in the preceeding 5 months, you have been looking for what I will do so that you can cut me off, the opportunity came and you took it like a Viking.
> How often can a married woman stay without getting in contact with her husband for this long over a matter as simple as that, and she is not bothered at all.
> I needed to let go for once. I am tired of fighting for the advancement of this union. It has been 8 years of this gruesome treatment.
> You think everyone is wrong apart from you.
> Please if there is any FALSEHOOD in what I have written, I will be glad that you tell your audience. AGATHA OUR MUTUAL FRIEND IS READING THIS AND SHE CAN TESTIFY TO ALL I HAVE SAID. Moreover, this is just one small aspect of all that has happened these past 8 years. I just decided to skip a thousand others.
> I only choose to focus on this alone. You know there are a thousand things that are worse than this that have happened.
> I am glad that the vast majority of your audience could not be manipulated by your story.
> 
> Maybe I would have just stayed back home in Nairobi 7 years ago, may it could not have been this bad. This is my Canada reality!
> I would be a liar if I say do not miss you. But I have just come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served!
> Dear Wife, Enjoy the reality you created for yourself and stay blessed...!


@My heart bleeds Welcome to TAM, I’m really sorry this was your introduction to TAM with your wife posting like that. As you saw, TAM is really good at sniffing out holes in stories and your wife has a bunch of them.

My first question is about your living attangments. It’s not clear from your post… your wife said you were in different countries. But it seems like that’s not true? Or is it?

Your profile flag and hers are the same.


----------



## BeyondRepair007

My heart bleeds said:


> But I have just come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served!
> Dear Wife, Enjoy the reality you created for yourself and stay blessed...


Good words here, that goes for both partners. So what is your plan? Are you divorcing your wife? Surely you won’t stay in this infinite separation mode?


----------



## MattMatt

I would suggest family counselling.


----------



## My heart bleeds

BeyondRepair007 said:


> @My heart bleeds Welcome to TAM, I’m really sorry this was your introduction to TAM with your wife posting like that. As you saw, TAM is really good at sniffing out holes in stories and your wife has a bunch of them.
> 
> My first question is about your living attangments. It’s not clear from your post… your wife said you were in different countries. But it seems like that’s not true? Or is it?
> 
> Your profile flag and hers are the same.


Everything she said is almost correct, yes we live apart, but I still use my old internet service provider


----------



## My heart bleeds

MattMatt said:


> I would suggest family counselling.


 Hahahahahah, she has refused any form of counselling. I have begged for counselling several times


----------



## My heart bleeds

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Good words here, that goes for both partners. So what is your plan? Are you divorcing your wife? Surely you won’t stay in this infinite separation mode?


To be honest, mine is just here to clear the doubt.


----------



## BeyondRepair007

My heart bleeds said:


> To be honest, mine is just here to clear the doubt.


So no counseling to fix it and no intent to end it… that’s not a very bright future you have. What’s the way forward look like, more of the same? Are you hoping she gets some common sense? You’re letting fate decide your happiness?

Your post doesn’t sound like you’re content with the way things are so how does the logjam break? One of you is gonna have to do something to “unjam” it.


----------



## MattMatt

Seek legal advice, in that case.


----------



## Young at Heart

My heart bleeds said:


> Hello all,
> A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread created by my wife ( ?).
> this is the link below
> 
> I need your sincere input | Talk About Marriage
> 
> MY RESPONSE.
> 
> ....Well, I am here to set the record straight.
> I would not have bothered to respond, but maybe the comments from members of this your group might jolt us back to reality.
> 
> .....I am glad that the vast majority of your audience could not be manipulated by your story.
> 
> Maybe I would have just stayed back home in Nairobi 7 years ago, may it could not have been this bad. This is my Canada reality!
> I would be a liar if I say do not miss you. But I have just come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served!
> Dear Wife, Enjoy the reality you created for yourself and stay blessed...!


One of the values for self-help websites like TAM is that they allow one to vent and get strong feelings off their chest. Venting is an important part of healing. Often time journalling is also suggested as part of an emotionally healing process and post on a website can be a form of keeping a journal. The real value of either is that once you have released your anger and rage, you can listen to advice and gradually work through your feelings. It should not be a single post and done. It should be a healing set of conversations.

I do remember her post about your situation. I even commented on her post in a way that questioned her version of her story.

So my questions for you are; is your marriage over? If so, what are you going to do about trying to make a better life for your children? Are you going to try to bring them to Canada? If you do, you should probably try to bring their mother as well, even if you end up divorcing her. Wasn't the real reason for your moving to Canada for work to improve the life of your family? Because your wife has thrown a childish fit, does that mean you should abandon your goal you have worked so hard on for your families future?

Her post and your post were about anger and looking for people to say you each were right. Both of you need to work past your anger. Hopefully for your children the two of you can come to some understand about how to move forward.

Good luck. I think that you are going to need some professional help to move forward.


----------



## TRy

Why would you be OK with not living with your wife and kids long term? Why would you be OK with never visiting? if you cannot get a good job where she lives, then she needs to move to be where you are. Instead she moves apartments but not near you.

The whole conversation is about you and your wife, with little mention of the young children. Are they yours? You moved for a job, do you send support money to your wife?


----------



## My heart bleeds

Young at Heart said:


> One of the values for self-help websites like TAM is that they allow one to vent and get strong feelings off their chest. Venting is an important part of healing. Often time journalling is also suggested as part of an emotionally healing process and post on a website can be a form of keeping a journal. The real value of either is that once you have released your anger and rage, you can listen to advice and gradually work through your feelings. It should not be a single post and done. It should be a healing set of conversations.
> 
> I do remember her post about your situation. I even commented on her post in a way that questioned her version of her story.
> 
> So my questions for you are; is your marriage over? If so, what are you going to do about trying to make a better life for your children? Are you going to try to bring them to Canada? If you do, you should probably try to bring their mother as well, even if you end up divorcing her. Wasn't the real reason for your moving to Canada for work to improve the life of your family? Because your wife has thrown a childish fit, does that mean you should abandon your goal you have worked so hard on for your families future?
> 
> Her post and your post were about anger and looking for people to say you each were right. Both of you need to work past your anger. Hopefully for your children the two of you can come to some understand about how to move forward.
> 
> Good luck. I think that you are going to need some professional help to move forward.


She has refused all councelling.


----------



## My heart bleeds

TRy said:


> Why would you be OK with not living with your wife and kids long term? Why would you be OK with never visiting? if you cannot get a good job where she lives, then she needs to move to be where you are. Instead she moves apartments but not near you.
> 
> The whole conversation is about you and your wife, with little mention of the young children. Are they yours? You moved for a job, do you send support money to your wife?


We are immigrants, and I am waiting for the renewal of my papers, due to the post-COVID disruptions, however, she does not have any of those problems, she can travel but has never deemed it fit to visit with the kids.
The kids are mine, I am financially responsible to them and my wife. You can see she did not mention anything about finance in her post.


----------



## Beach123

My heart bleeds said:


> Hahahahahah, she has refused any form of counselling. I have begged for counselling several times


knowing that she doesn’t know btw d to help the relationship with counseling - why would you stay married while there is so much animosity and venom between the two of you?


----------



## Young at Heart

My heart bleeds said:


> She has refused all councelling.


Thanks for your comment.

The counseling, I was suggesting was for the OP, "you."

There are some tough questions that need to be answered and some tough decisions, but probably not as tough as leaving one's family to take a job in another country to provide for them.




> So my questions for you are; is your marriage over? *If so, what are you going to do about trying to make a better life for your children?* *Are you going to try to bring them to Canada?* If you do, you should probably try to bring their mother as well, even if you end up divorcing her. *Wasn't the real reason for your moving to Canada for work to improve the life of your family?* *Because your wife has thrown a childish fit, does that mean you should abandon your goal you have worked so hard on for your families future?*
> 
> Her post and your post were about anger and looking for people to say you each were right. Both of you need to work past your anger. Hopefully for your children the two of you can come to some understand about how to move forward.
> 
> Good luck.* I think that you are going to need some professional help to move forward. *


----------

