# Filing for Divorce



## sandyf (Apr 14, 2009)

Today was just more BS - I can't do this any more. Had an appointment with the paralegal today and filed for divorce. Also found out husband sold all his guns (or so he claims) and changed the beneficiary on his 401k to his mother. Not sure that is even legal, but I think I am in for a bumpy road ahead. We have no assets to fight over, but I can already tell he is going to make this as hard as possible, even if it costs us an arm and a leg.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You are smart to protect yourself. Obviously, he's had changed his mind about working on things with the account switch and all.

He was just buying time it seems. Yes, he can hide money and all but he'll have to come up with it again during the discovery. 

He's going to protect what he can-but he really can't for the most part unless he has a prenup!


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## sandyf (Apr 14, 2009)

He never was really trying to work on things. He never took any real action to fix anything. Asking him to move out did not come out of the blue, things have been bad for a long time and very bad for the past year. He did not come around before I asked him to move out and he did not come around after I asked him to move out.

I think maybe this is what he really wants, because it will be easier for him. Fixing things would be a lot of work. I think down inside he was pushing me on purpose so I would be the one to file - that way he can continue to blame everything on me.

Right now I am just so exhausted I really don't care. He can have whatever he wants from the house. I hope that somebody will convince him that selling the house right now is not the smart thing to do. I am hoping he will see that my offer to let him just walk away is more than generous.

Tomorrow is my biopsy and that needs to be my focus right now. I am sure he won't even remember I am having that done.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

Focus on you. Take care of you. Make sure you are protected. He's fooling himself, as are a lot of others, if he thinks divorce will make life easier.
I wish you well!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I'll say a prayer for you regarding you biopsy. 

When it rains it pours! I know...I also have more than one crisis in my hands.

A good friend of my whose W cheated for the past 2 years on and off....has returned to the marriage. He has serious doubts that she is willing to WORK on the marriage. He said it's too much effort for her. He may be true but she has been behaving herself for the past 3 weeks. Like he said...she has to earn her way back. 

Take care of yourself.


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## sandyf (Apr 14, 2009)

Had a two hour session with the counselor last night and an hour today with him and my daughter. I am quite sure that this is the right thing to do. Daughter said she was glad. She was afraid that, if we got back together things would just get bad again. Also had a talk with husband today and he told me he had been lying "about everything". When I asked everything what he fessed up to lying about drinking. He said he did okay the first two weeks after he moved out, but since then it has been pretty much every day. He didn't fess up to anything more. He says he has an appointment with a new counselor and she is going to help him decide if he should go to AA otr what, but at least it sounds like he is finally acknowledging the problem. I told him the next setp is to actually do something about it. I am still proceeding with the divorce. I think it is the best thing for me, and maybe for him as well.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Let him sink Sandy...he will figure it out on his own. 

Distance yourself as best as you can as that is a part of protecting yourself.

He's not ready to change or work right now. Spend your energy elsewhere.

You sound like a very strong person.


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## sandyf (Apr 14, 2009)

Thanks, CW - I do hope, for his sake, he will finally get a handle on this. But, I am not willing to invest any more of myself in waiting for it to happen. He still has a long way to go.

Sandy


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

BTW don't worry about the 401K. If you want you can get half of it right now.. You are entitled to half.. well that includes 401K..


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## sandyf (Apr 14, 2009)

So, things have settled down considerably around here. Haven't talked to my husband since... gosh, I dunno when! Saturday, I guess. I don't even know if he has been served the divorce papers yet. They were ready on Tuesday, so maybe. It might take them a while to catch up with him.

I have not tried contacting him and he has not contacted me. After our last conversation I figured he was now the one that needed some time. Hopefully he is getting his head together and not drowning his sorrows. I have a hunch, if he were still drowning his sorrows, we would have heard something from him by now - because apparently when he was doing all the whining and crying stuff he was drunk.

I keep going back and forth about how I feel. Some days I am mad. Mad that I was hoping and praying, trying and waiting - and the whole time I was being lied to. I get mad because, even after I asked him to move out, he apparently still though we were playing some kind of game. 

Other times I feel like I am bailing. Like I am giving up. I did say for better or worse and in sickness and in health. His problem with alcohol is really a sickness. Should I be standing by him now that he may be seeing the light?

Then I smack myself in the head and say - how many times did you think maybe he was going to see the light? How many times did he swear things would be different?

Sometimes I feel bad for him. Like, how will he get along without me? He loves me and I am hurting him. I don't like that. But, then I think that maybe this is actually better for him. He has never had to stand on his own two feet. Maybe this is going to be a really good thing for him and his life will be better, his relationship with the kids will be better. He will finally grown up

Me? How about me? Well, I know I will be okay. I know that this is the best thing for me. We have had many issues over the years above and beyond the substance abuse problems. He is just now possibly facing the alcohol problem, who knows if he will ever face the other things? 

I currently have no interest in any other men. I don't know if I ever will. I try to imagine the kind of guy I would want to be with. Everyone my age comes with a lot of baggage - many men my age have young kids - don't wanna do that again! But, yeah - it would be nice to be in a good relationship for once. I never really have been. I would like to know what it feels like to really love somebody. To respect that person, to know that they are a good person, somebody giving and caring. And to have that person respect and love me for who I really am. For me to be able to be who I am and not always be trying to be who I think my partner wants me to be.

So, yeah - again, I don't really have much to say today, just some rambling. But it is good that things are quiet. I do hope my husband is doing okay. I think not hearing from him is a good sign. Hopefully he is focusing on him and on making his life better, not just wallowing in self pity and wanting things to just go back to the old way.

Sandy


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Losing his family may be the catalyst for him to get help. 

Having the comfort of home is often too easy to fall back into our harmful ways.

You may be doing both of you a favor..before things get worse.

Quiet can be scary when you are used to chaos!


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## sandyf (Apr 14, 2009)

So, now we are on to a new game. We haven't talked all week, right? Last night I texted him to see if he would pay the copay for our daughter to go to the chiropractor. He didn't respond. So, this morning I texted him asking if he got my other text. A few hours later he replied and said yes and that he would pay the copay. I asked him how he was. He said fine and that he had gone to his first appointment with his new counselor. I asked him how it went. He did not reply. I tried calling him, he did not answer or call back (in his text, he said he was in the appointment when I called).

So, I guess the new game is to play hard to get? But, funny thing is... I'm not playing! LOL I thought maybe we could act like grownups now - since he hasn't called being a basket case in over a week. He admitted to lying and apologized, etc. I thought maybe he was turning a new leaf.

But, now get this... my daughter said he was here today when she got home. I asked if he took anything. She said she didn't know. So, I went out to the garage (most anything else he would want is out there). First thing I noticed is that the BBQ is gone. When I got in the garage I saw that his toolbox and the wood splitter were gone. Now, first of all - this stuff is still community property. I feel we should have an agreement about what he is taking. Second, I feel he should be letting me know when he is coming over. And third... the wood splitter, really? He is staying with his mom and she doesn't even have a fireplace! I have a ton of wood that is too big for our fireplace that needs to be split and he knows it. So, I know that one was just to piss me off. Maybe he thinks he will sell it. But, really, what does he need money for? He is giving me none and he is living with his mother! I am sure she doesn't charge him rent, she probably cooks for him and does his laundry.

So, yeah - I guess it is time to put in another call for a second consult with the attorney. *sigh*

Sandy


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Sounds like he will come and take things little by little. Time for the attorney talk...

You sound very strong Sandy...I commend you for being so logical. Not easy when emotions are involved.


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