# Approaching D-Day - NEED SUPPORT



## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

Some of you know my story and have offered tremendous support which I am so grateful for but I need more... 

Having a hard time dealing with D-Day. Talked to my therapist toay. She said I need to confide in a family member, my parents in particular b/c I cannot go through this alone. One major issue I am having (and forgive me if it sounds pathetic) is worrying about hurting everyone else - my family, his family, our friends. I cannot get past this and this is why my therapist feels that I need support from my family. 

I know I need to leave my husband and I know that our love is strained and tainted and that things will never be the same b/t us. Why do I worry so much about the pain I may cause to others? Am I forgetting the pain and suffering I've endured over all these years?

Need to be put back into perspective...


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You really need to tell your family and close friends. These people are going to be there when things get tough. It's also a good idea to tell them some of the reasons. They will help you maintain focus through the process--and keep you from doubting yourself.

I know I have confided in close family members and friends from the very beginning. It has been a blessing. There have been many rumors floating around our small community and these people have stood up for me. And on days when I've been down and full of doubt these wonderful people have been there to lift me up. They keep things in perspective. Make sure you have people in your corner!


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

Thanks 827. My therapist did mention I should also tell them the reasons. It's just that this is going to be totally unexpected, totally out of left field b/c everyone thinks we're so perfect together... they have no idea what I've been going through all these years. Thanks for your comforting words - I truly appreciate it!


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

It absolutely does not sound pathetic. I fear that I will have to leave one day and really struggle with the same feeling. My close friends tell me that the same traits that drove me to to work it out so long are the ones that make me feel so guilty. It's because you have compassion. 

I really liked the advice of the previous poster. For the first time, I've told close friends what really goes on in our 'perfect marriage' and it does help. Not sure of your situation, but because of my wife's issues, she loves me very much, but has always treated me like her worst enemy.

Another thing that could help is to continually remind yourself of your hopes and dreams for the future, after this is over. It will happen. For me, its very simple dreams. If I have to, I will go through a period of pain for this.


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

Thanks Takaris - I do have compassion - he unfortunately does not


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## GoDucks (May 19, 2010)

Absolutely tell others! I think the idea that you are going to hurt them by taking care of yourself is mostly an unfounded fear. If folks know what's going on, they will come back with support -for both of you.

As I have started the divorce process, I tell people... I don't give a lot of detail unless they open the door. I have run in to several friends that *right away* get into 'fix it' mode... Was I committed enough? Have I tried this or that? On and on. However, when I start telling them more of the story (months of therapy, addiction, verbal abuse), then they move toward support. First of me, but I tell them that H needs even more support. I am better at pulling my support system together, so if he reaches out, please support him. My kids need their dad!

This is the long way to tell you that it's been fantastic (and therapeutic) to tell friends. I haven't hurt a single one. None. My friends don't rely on me for their emotional health that way, even though they have been 'couple friends' for 15 years (as long as my marriage).

The first one is the hardest on. You can do it. Say it out loud. If you change your mind later, it's still ok.


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