# The Afterglow.......



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

....what does it do for YOU?

One of the most intimate things about sex in Marriage and long term relationships IMO, is that time spent together immediately after sex, what we used to call " the afterglow."
When both partners lie naked in each other's arms , or side by side and you can actually feel their heartbeat against your chest / breast. That time when all that can be heard is soft kissing sounds and hoarse whispers..

Is it important to you?

Can what you feel in the : Afterglow" compensate for the actual sex?
Or do you just prefer to just roll over and sleep?

I know there are lots of people who have " Great Sex" here on TAM, would like to hear from both women and men!

Edit; I posted this earlier, I think it was in the wrong section


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

I don't think it can compensate for actual sex because they are different. Sex is physical intimacy and afterglow is emotional intimacy. Sex is such an awesome tension reliever and almost like taking a sleeping pill with the added benefit of feeling close to your partner. But afterglow is so emotionally satisfying. There aren't many more things in life greater...falling alseep naked together arm in arm is the most warm, loving, secure feeling in all the world.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> *I don't think it can compensate for actual sex because they are different. * Sex is physical intimacy and afterglow is emotional intimacy. Sex is such an awesome tension reliever and almost like taking a sleeping pill with the added benefit of feeling close to your partner. But afterglow is so emotionally satisfying. There aren't many more things in life greater...falling alseep naked together arm in arm is the most warm, loving, secure feeling in all the world.


Maybe I phrased it incorrectly.
What I meant was suppose the sex way just good [ sometimes its that way becuse of stress etc. ], and not amazing.
Could that feeling you get during the afterglow compensate for it?
The nice warm fuzzy feeling, the words and feelings expressed etc?


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

I would definitely take mediocre sex followed by prolonged cuddles/caresses over great sex followed by nothing.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Our afterglow right now is consisting of coffee and conversation with the kids. lolol. Got a quickie before everyone woke up.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Yes, love the afterglow! We bask in the good feelings that we have created together with great sex. If either one of us jumped right up to do some task, or fell asleep immediately, we would be disappointed. We cuddle for a few glorious minutes, and feel grateful for our mutual love. It is a time of reflection, satisfaction, and prolongs the happy feelings that sex has created. Of course with quickies, we skip the afterglow part, but this is an issue of the timing of sex.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

i agree with rj700. But amazing sex followed by nothing is OK too somtimes...lol


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

Well, for me if it was great sex the afterglow will great too. If the sex was average, sometimes the afterglow can compensate for it, sometime not...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

rj700 said:


> I would definitely take mediocre sex followed by prolonged cuddles/caresses over great sex followed by nothing.


Same with my wife.
Everything sounds more romantic to her during that afterglow


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> i agree with rj700. But amazing sex followed by nothing is OK too somtimes...lol


I never said I would turn it down.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Our afterglow lasts outside of the bedroom too. We are especially cuddly and sweet to each other after a good lovemaking session. 

Afterglow is nice, but it does not replace sex. We both have high drives and sex is just too important to pass up. It is one of the most important ways we show that we love each other as a married couple.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Almost always after sex I get up and go do something. If we have sex in the morning I usually go straight to the shower. If it is at night, I get up and maybe go watch a tv show for a little bit before coming back to bed to sleep. Afterglow?


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## thegatewalker (Apr 29, 2012)

It is very important but it doesnt make up for bad sex


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

The afterglow is wonderful, very connecting, very powerful, yet sweet. But it doesn't follow every sexual encounter we have. So I don't think we ever have sex in anticipation of the afterglow, or specifically for it.

But it might help that we don't necessarily always need sex to replicate that afterglow feeling. Sometimes just lying close to one another, and opening up fully, is enough to feel that. Other times we achieve that level of emotional intimacy without doing anything in particular. It all just depends.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Personally I wish there was more afterglow in my relationship. Instead he rolls over "IM HOT, THANKS HONEY!" gets up and goes and plays a game. I am a little unhappy with this but we still cuddle throughout the day. I love he kisses me all over sometimes, it makes me feel special. Sometimes I'll get bored. Depends on my mood!

Afterglow.. Can it compensate for BAD sex? Yes. Sex in general? Nope. Need sex. Even bad sex.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

kipani said:


> Personally I wish there was more afterglow in my relationship. Instead he rolls over "IM HOT, THANKS HONEY!" gets up and goes and plays a game. I am a little unhappy with this but we still cuddle throughout the day. I love he kisses me all over sometimes, it makes me feel special. Sometimes I'll get bored. Depends on my mood!
> 
> Afterglow.. Can it compensate for BAD sex? Yes. Sex in general? Nope. Need sex. Even bad sex.


Gotta love rolling over and then going to play a game. Good Times.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I love it when we can just stay in bed...all hot and oily and smelling of sweat and sex. 

Yum.

Quite often find it leads to more sex


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

waiwera said:


> I love it when we can just stay in bed...all hot and oily and smelling of sweat and sex.
> 
> Yum.
> 
> Quite often find it leads to more sex


Ok, to me, that just sounds kinda gross. It can be a messy act, afterwards I want to get clean, get dressed, and move on with the day.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I find this whole thing kind of interesting. 

I am one of those roll over and sleep types, while my H is certainly not. 

I am not an affectionate person to begin with, so after sex (which is kind of the extreme of touchy-feely) I often feel like I need a cooling off period - like I need my personal space back - I start to get fidgety and uncomfortable.

I try to remain in the moment for H's sake, but it's difficult.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Just read kag123's post above .... we are the other extreme from her ... (but on the same page).. Touchy feely overload warning !



> Urban Dictionary: Afterglow
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I think my husband is the Afterglow MAN... I get a healthy dose of afterglow before sex.... always a little after - but then >> :sleeping: ......a little afterglow before he gets up in the morning for work....afterglow just hanging out alone after the kids get on the bus ...no wonder I feel High on







all the time.










As much as I bask in this feeling of emotionally connected "ecstasy" afterwards feeling so loved, needed & accepted as a woman..... I NEED to be physically filled .....yeah, I crave the SEX !! That's the culmination.... the cherry on top of ALL the afterglows we revel in...take this away... I'd grow very grouchy & act like I needed LAID....badly. 

Me & my husband just doesn't grow tired of these moments, it's never too much..... At one time I took this holding, this love offering for granted...I clung to our kids more so...I've learned my lesson on that one! 

But even back then....when I felt it....it was ever so strong.... years ago, it was very rare for me to fall asleep in his arms...I am a mega light sleeper & I always felt I needed my space in bed, or my movements would wake him.... but on occasion -days where I worked really hard & I was bushed....I would fall asleep in his arms, and when I awoke in his arms like that, I always felt on top of this world, total contentment, I would even tell him how much I adored that & wanted to do it more often... It was "all consuming" --this too was about the "afterglow". 

In the summer months...throughout our years together , I've always enjoyed spreading out a blanket.. on the green grass under a tree.... still giddy to spend that TIME & connect with my man..... this gift we've been given in each other.... what we've built together... the kids, our home.....breathing it all in....sometimes you just don't need any words, we "read" each other. I'd call all of these things on par with the afterglow, keeping it revived in our marriages. 










I asked him tonight - how he feels about thisafterglow...He says ...."It's very important, the closeness....it's something that follows you through life, even if you can't have sex , we always need that glow in our lives".


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> .


is the guy in the picture wearing a hospital bracelet? Um anyway...

We enjoy cuddling together afterwards. The AG I guess. But we're almost always naked when we the kids aren't around so I guess you could say we are always enoying it because we're always cuddling too.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

gbrad said:


> Ok, to me, that just sounds kinda gross. It can be a messy act, afterwards I want to get clean, get dressed, and move on with the day.


Yeah...well... I figured out a while back you and I have VERY different views on life and especially sex. 

So your post above doesn't surprise me at all... I'd hate to have sex with someone who did that... would probably only happen once.

Luckily for me my man loves to get all slippery and sweaty...each to their own.

Peace


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

sandc said:


> is the guy in the picture wearing a hospital bracelet? Um anyway...
> 
> We enjoy cuddling together afterwards. The AG I guess. But we're almost always naked when we the kids aren't around so I guess you could say we are always enoying it because we're always cuddling too.


I have no idea about his bracelet, just some pic I found & liked, although he does look awfully serious, doesn't [email protected]#$%^ Something weighing on his mind. Oh heck- he is probably going to DIE !! Guess that was a lousy example! 

You go naked through the house --when the kids aren't there. Might as well enjoy ~ every opportunity. We've done that in our yard before, where we live, noone can see us. Unless the Electric "meter reader" man comes down the drive.... one day he did...there we were under a sheet on our swing, we just hid till he passed. Then we :rofl: as he was driving away.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have no idea about his bracelet, just some pic I found & liked, although he does look awfully serious, doesn't [email protected]#$%^ Something weighing on his mind. Oh heck- he is probably going to DIE !! Guess that was a lousy example!
> 
> You go naked through the house --when the kids aren't there. Might as well enjoy ~ every opportunity. We've done that in our yard before, where we live, noone can see us. Unless the Electric "meter reader" man comes down the drive.... one day he did...there we were under a sheet on our swing, we just hid till he passed. Then we :rofl: as he was driving away.


I was thinking maybe a bracelet from a mental institution. :scratchhead:

I WISH we had a yard like that! Yes, we have to keep it indoors when we're home. Otherwise you'll find us frollicking with the other nudies at our local nudist park. Doesn't it feel good to feel the sun and wind on your bare skin? Talk about afterglow!


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Afterglow? I know not of this phenomenon... :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

waiwera said:


> Yeah...well... I figured out a while back you and I have VERY different views on life and especially sex.
> 
> So your post above doesn't surprise me at all... I'd hate to have sex with someone who did that... would probably only happen once.
> 
> ...


I am all good with the foreplay, I enjoy leading up to it and getting all ready for the main event. But once it is done, it is done. There have been a few times during our marriage where my wife wanted to cuddle afterwards and I obliged, but just for her. 
While we differ on opinions, I can't apologize for wanting to be clean.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

gbrad said:


> I am all good with the foreplay, I enjoy leading up to it and getting all ready for the main event. But once it is done, it is done. There have been a few times during our marriage where my wife wanted to cuddle afterwards and I obliged, but just for her.
> While we differ on opinions, I can't apologize for wanting to be clean.


No-one expects an apology :scratchhead: 
As I said each to their own.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> I love the afterglow. Some of my best memories are from the afterglow. I feel intensely connected to him then. *And he's pretty much putty in my hands in that period. That's why I save some subjects And honey-do things for the afterglow. ;-)*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


^^^^^^^^^
This highlighted there is exactly what my wife does.
Then on the morning after it hits me wham!
Did I say " yes hun" to that ?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

jaquen said:


> The afterglow is wonderful, very connecting, very powerful, yet sweet. But it doesn't follow every sexual encounter we have. So I don't think we ever have sex in anticipation of the afterglow, or specifically for it.
> 
> *But it might help that we don't necessarily always need sex to replicate that afterglow feeling. Sometimes just lying close to one another, and opening up fully, is enough to feel that. *Other times we achieve that level of emotional intimacy without doing anything in particular. It all just depends.


I was wondering about this you mentioned.
Care to elaborate?
Reason I asked is this.
After sex, there is usually a type of " high " some couples / females go through.
Can this " high" be replicated without the sex?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> I was wondering about this you mentioned.
> Care to elaborate?
> Reason I asked is this.
> After sex, there is usually a type of " high " some couples / females go through.
> Can this " high" be replicated without the sex?


Yes. We can experience those romantic/emotional highs without sex. It's always been that way with us. For my wife it's a pretty consistent ability, it doesn't take much to get her "high", but for me I have to be in the right mood, and head space, to flow into it. But if I'm feeling it, and she's feeling it, we can get that afterglow feeling going without the sex. 

Actually, typing this out, this solves a little mystery in our relationship. When we go through periods of heightened romantic feelings, we tend to have _less_ sex. It's always been a strange notion to me, that we'd be feeling extra connected, and high off love, but it leads to a slight decrease in our volume of sex. Perhaps it's because the afteglow feeling is more prevalent during that time, and satisfies us longer, thus dipping the need for sexual connection somewhat?


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

I love the afterglow cuddling. Certainly wouldn't replace sex, but say if it was one of those quickie times and I didn't O (eh, it happens. lol), the afterglow certainly makes it great. 

Maybe I'm weird, but I love the smell of my husband's skin...especially after sex.

It depends on what time of day it is when we're having sex, or how many times we've had sex that day, whether or not we cuddle afterwards or just hop up and go about our day. Usually its at night when it happens. I just love the connection I feel afterwards. Hubby often falls asleep right afterwards at night, but we still cuddle. lol


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Yes. We can experience those romantic/emotional highs without sex. It's always been that way with us. For my wife it's a pretty consistent ability, it doesn't take much to get her "high", but for me I have to be in the right mood, and head space, to flow into it. But if I'm feeling it, and she's feeling it, we can get that afterglow feeling going without the sex.
> 
> Actually, typing this out, this solves a little mystery in our relationship. *When we go through periods of heightened romantic feelings, we tend to have less sex. It's always been a strange notion to me, that we'd be feeling extra connected, and high off love, but it leads to a slight decrease in our volume of sex. *Perhaps it's because the afteglow feeling is more prevalent during that time, and satisfies us longer, thus dipping the need for sexual connection somewhat?


^^^^^^^
This EXACT SAME THING happens to us.
That's why I asked the question in the first place!

There are times when we are completely on the same wavelength,and we could just cozy up, kiss ,pet each other and it DOES NOT lead to sex. 
This morning she was just playing ,caressing my back[ she loves to do that!] , shoulders, traps and it felt nice. Not in a sexual way because I was not turned on, but it just felt really nice. She was topless , I too and we were just cool. We do stuff like that often, and I feel really close to her.
But its a satisfying feeling,and there is no pressure for sex.

Sometimes I wake her up by lightly kissing / nibbling her tummy, her breasts, her eyes in fact all over! And it does not lead to sex. She likes it.
Almost like " the afterglow."

Some might say I'm talking BS , but that's our experience.

Then of course,at other times there seem to be this burning desire to connect through sex, and we have it non stop.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

bubbly girl said:


> I love the afterglow cuddling. Certainly wouldn't replace sex, but say if it was one of those quickie times and I didn't O (eh, it happens. lol), the afterglow certainly makes it great.
> 
> *Maybe I'm weird, but I love the smell of my husband's skin...especially after sex.*
> 
> It depends on what time of day it is when we're having sex, or how many times we've had sex that day, whether or not we cuddle afterwards or just hop up and go about our day. Usually its at night when it happens. I just love the connection I feel afterwards. Hubby often falls asleep right afterwards at night, but we still cuddle. lol


No,
I don't think its weird.
I love the smell of my wife's skin early in the morning before she comes off the bed.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Coffee Amore said:


> I love the afterglow. Some of my best memories are from the afterglow. I feel intensely connected to him then. And he's pretty much putty in my hands in that period. That's why I save some subjects And honey-do things for the afterglow. ;-)





> *Caribbean Man said*: This highlighted there is exactly what my wife does.
> Then on the morning after it hits me wham!
> Did I say " yes hun" to that


My husband is & has always been "putty in my hands".....even when he wanted more sex.....I was assinine enough in the past to be talking about those Honey-do lists - during forplay ... he never really said anything (he should have!)...he just let me go on...bla bla bla... but he has mentioned it -looking back as it sure would have been better had I not done that... :slap:

Thinking about this, it's like "Who the heck was that woman?"... I'd never do that today! . 



> I was wondering about this you mentioned.
> Care to elaborate?
> Reason I asked is this.
> After sex, there is usually a type of " high " some couples / females go through.
> Can this " high" be replicated without the sex?


I feel it CAN... just as in my post, I mentioned how I feel that "afterglow" is ongoing -with a few examples (all not related to AFTER an orgasm)..... my answer would be ..... so long as there is ENOUGH sex going on - I feel it KEEPS one on a steady High (*vasopressin* has alot to do with this) - even the antipication of sex coming -is still like a "high"...at least for us, it seems to work this way. 

It all comes down to Hormones really... During sexual activity, the nerves send signals to the brain to indicate sexual stimulation & arousal... when the orgasm comes, the brain causes hormones & other chemicals to be released into the body. These include endorphins, *dopamine* (reward hormone), *prolactin* (hormone of satiation), and  oxytocin  (the cuddle hormone)....which cause pleasurable sensations, relaxation & a feeling of happiness.

There are also androgen receptors, which directly affect our mood, desire & our perception of our mate. Another stimulant *phenylethylamine* (PEA) causes the elevation in energy, mood & attention- which adds to that "euphoric feeling". 

Then there is *Vasopressin....(*called the "monogomy hormone")... Men who feel deeply attached to their mates are HIGH in this...(this is ongoing).... those who can not commit are lacking in it, so studies seem to confirm.. interesting reads here >> 

The New View on Sex: Oxytocin, vasopressin and a tale of two voles .......... 

Oxytocin, chemical addiction and the science of love


A chapter about the *AFTERGLOW* on this page - one of my favorite Hormone books. >>> The Alchemy of Love and Lust - Theresa L. Crenshaw - Google Books

Sorry for all the links .... I personally find the role of Hormones on our Psych & emotional well being - simply fasinating.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> ^^^^^^^
> This EXACT SAME THING happens to us.
> That's why I asked the question in the first place!
> 
> ...


Ditto from top to bottom.

:smthumbup:


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> ....what does it do for YOU?
> 
> One of the most intimate things about sex in Marriage and long term relationships IMO, is that time spent together immediately after sex, what we used to call " the afterglow."
> When both partners lie naked in each other's arms , or side by side and you can actually feel their heartbeat against your chest / breast. That time when all that can be heard is soft kissing sounds and hoarse whispers..
> ...



One thing for sure, the afterglow is a lie detector test for me. If I didn't have that afterglow with my wife then I'd worry about what's wrong with my feelings. Afterglow is a symptom of having real emotional connection and loving your partner. I've had sex with people in the past that was great but once sex was done I just wanted to get the hell out of bed. 

So yea, afterglow is very special to me because it reminds me that I'm proud to be with my wife. Now we've had hiccups along the way and I've noticed the sex remains good but the afterglow is only great when we're in good emotional shape.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Maybe I phrased it incorrectly.
> What I meant was suppose the sex way just good [ sometimes its that way becuse of stress etc. ], and not amazing.
> Could that feeling you get during the afterglow compensate for it?
> The nice warm fuzzy feeling, the words and feelings expressed etc?


If sex is sometimes great and sometimes good then yes. Now if sex was never great then no. We would eventually feel like something is missing.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Afterglow is a symptom of having real emotional connection and loving your partner. * I've had sex with people in the past that was great but once sex was done I just wanted to get the hell out of bed. *
> .


:iagree:

Made me laugh,
But yes, I had plenty that before meeting my wife....

I think lots of women consciously or unconsciously use it as an emotional barometer too. As a means of testing how close their partners are to them.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

talking about that "high" feeling without having sex...i've felt that before and even voiced it to my husband...saying, "i'm feeling high from just being in your arms"....it's a really incredible feeling.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I vaguely remember my wife not being into any of that at all.


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

For us, it is usually interrupted by the need to clean up the mess.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

MYM1430 said:


> For us, it is usually interrupted by the need to clean up the mess.


we enjoy the mess, sometimes it is really disgusting in our bed but we laugh and roll around :smthumbup:
There have been times that I have had his cum in my hair but we just cuddle and enjoy the time holding each other.

He is a guy and yeah they like to sleep afterwards but what I adore is that he tries to stay awake for me. Our sessions are not quick and he is very giving, he gets tired but we always have that wonderful cuddle afterwards. I love to give him a kiss and tell him that I want him to sleep while I hold him, pure bliss.

Seems we both love the smell of each others skin, I bury my head into him and smell him, I wear his clothes so I can keep the smell of him near me when he isn't here. 
It is interesting because I did not like the smell of my ex and we never shared in the afterglow, our sex life was not fantastic.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Holland said:


> we enjoy the mess, sometimes it is really disgusting in our bed but we laugh and roll around :smthumbup:


Yeah, for us... it's like a badge of honor, like







look what we did today -damn that was GOOOOOD. We lay there all wet holding each other sometimes -before we clean up. I was never bothered by the mess. After all, there is something to be applauded about ....







~ the messier the sweeter the experience.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

MYM1430 said:


> For us, it is usually interrupted by the need to clean up the mess.


Mess...what is this mess? :scratchhead:

Unless MYM and his W like 'foodie' sex... 

I can imagine them now ( not really  ) all covered in chocolate...sticking to the sheets!

Having to have a hot shower to wash/melt it all off before they can :sleeping: :sleeping: :sleeping:


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Sometimes its so wet that we have to get up and change the sheets.........
Other times the sheets are half way off the bed.


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

The mess is usually semen, sometimes sweat, occasionally both.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

MYM1430 said:


> The mess is usually semen, sometimes sweat, occasionally both.


Sorry MYM I was just in a silly mood yesterday. 
I figured what it was really.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Sometimes its so wet that we have to get up and change the sheets.........
> Other times the sheets are half way off the bed.


Now you're just boasting!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

For me, most of the time there is no afterglow, it's routine "get each other off" and then I'm racing off to finish my daily duties each time. Though my wife complains if I'm racing off - well DUH! I have SH-T to do! But this problem is on the process of being fixed.

There only seems to be an afterglow when sex actually has some meaning. We play, fondle, cuddle, hold each other and at times she keeps me inside. We are both rather jelly and non-aggressive during the afterglow, so for years we had a funny conflict resolution system:

Stage 1) Disagreement, both stubborn
Stage 2) Wifey decides to play ST
Stage 3) I poke wifey so the ST becomes an open angry conflict
Stage 4) Make up sex
Stage 5) Afterglow - when we compromise and find agreements lol


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