# As a BS or DS, Why did you decide to R?



## dingerdad (Nov 23, 2011)

Not one reason for me but a few. Individually they might not have been enough but add them together and it was an easy decision.
1. I still loved my wife
2. For my 2 children. (still babies to me 5 and 3)
3. For our extended family who were heartbroken and hurting
4. For me. I loved my life and was happy before dday. I didn't want to start over. I know my life would have went on if we had divorced but I didn't want to start again
5. For my vows. ( no one in my family gets divorced, you don't give up)
6. This is the reason that set my feet firm. I will never regret fighting for my marriage and my family even if it is the wrong decision in end. If I walk away, do real damage to my family and my children, I may regret it everyday for the rest of my life.
R is very hard everyday. I am going through a million emotions and so is my fWW. The good days make it worth getting through the bad days. A family cuddle on our bed with our babies helps a lot during the bad days. I can't imagine what life would be like if we weren't all together. We seperated a month and it was very hard. For those that have just walked away from the marriage after d-day. What's that like? R is hard and I can't wait to get to the other side.
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## CH (May 18, 2010)

dingerdad said:


> 1. I still loved my wife
> Good answer
> 
> 2. For my 2 children. (still babies to me 5 and 3)
> ...


Only 1 reason to take the cheater back, because you still love them enough to. Any other reason and your marriage will never work.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

When my wife told me about her "fling" (read PA), she was remorseful and sorry about it. She went NC for 3 months and then went back EA as the man was in another state. I stayed because I thought I could "talk her out of it" but that wasn't the case. I kept getting the "you should leave me, I am not a good person" speech. I thought that was non-sense (I was in denial). Then last month, she gets on a plane to the other state and another PA results. She came home and we were separate under the same roof for awhile. Again, I let her move back in our bedroom. This month, we got into a fight and she was arrested for DV and went to a bar, met a guy, lives with him and they are in a relationship. 
Why would I ever R? I wouldn't, would you? Why go through the trouble when beginning with someone else is easier?


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

Several reasons- good, bad and ugly. The one that was foremost in my mind at the time was that I wanted another chance to do things right. We were both terrible spouses, but I had seen positive changes in my FWH before d-day and I felt like the wall between us had fallen down and we could actually be happy together. I don't know how to explain it, but I knew he was back in the marriage and I was, too.
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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I have desided to work on my M and have made the changes for a healthier marriage. Mrs. the-guy has also taken the steps to work on the M. So we are working on a R and the marriage is doing well.

As far as her infidelity goes she has taken the step to have healthier behaviors and her boundries are stronger then they ever were. She stays away from the toxic friends and bad enviiroments. She desided to work on a R b/c it was the healthy choice for her and kids and let go of the the resentment by fogiving me.

I desided to R becuase it was the healthy choice for me and the kids and I fogave her. She still owns her infidelity and that is hers to deal with and if she wants to still hang out with me then she needs to do the heavy lifting in helping me heal. In which she has. Now she works on why she mades those choices instead of leaving me 1st and what she needs to do to prevent it from happening again.


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