# newly married and no more spark



## sandydove (Nov 7, 2009)

Ok am I looking at this too hard? The first year of marriage is difficult I realized, with two stressful jobs, little money, school bills, little time together, but less than a year seems too quick to be unhappy. My hubby and I have not been married a year then why is sex no good, we don't seem excited about each other, or desireable anymore? I know that's alot in one quick year, but my husband isn't interested in sex...and we are only 24! Doesn't that seem young? Neither of us slept with anyother partner before we were married and now I am kicking myself because I realized soon after we were married that I have never been able to orgasim during sex and he doesn't last longer than a minute. Does anyone have words of advise to get us started on the right foot? We care about each other very much and are very commited. I just can't figure out why my hubby was interested in sex while we were in college and has gotten less and less interested. I look exactly the same and he happy with our relationship...but the bedroom is a different story. He doesn't even seem to be bothered that our sex life is less than exciting...sorry that was long...ok what do you think??


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

This is a giant - soon to be even bigger problem. At 24 I had sex with my girlfriend 3-4-5 times a week - every day we were together. Would have been 7 days a week if we had lived together. 

Does he like to make love with the lights on or off?
Does he take his time with foreplay and try to make it really fun for you?
Has he asked you how you like to be touched?

Sorry to get kind of specific here but I am going to guess that he has no desire to give you oral sex? 

Do not get offended by this next question - if he looks at porn - I bet he doesn't but if he did - that would tell you for certain what turns him on. 

Have you tried to talk to him about sex and if so what does he say?

Based on what you said, you are likely to end up in a sexless marriage - he will get you pregnant until you reach the target family size and then that will be it for him. Done - finito - no more sex. 








sandydove said:


> Ok am I looking at this too hard? The first year of marriage is difficult I realized, with two stressful jobs, little money, school bills, little time together, but less than a year seems too quick to be unhappy. My hubby and I have not been married a year then why is sex no good, we don't seem excited about each other, or desireable anymore? I know that's alot in one quick year, but my husband isn't interested in sex...and we are only 24! Doesn't that seem young? Neither of us slept with anyother partner before we were married and now I am kicking myself because I realized soon after we were married that I have never been able to orgasim during sex and he doesn't last longer than a minute. Does anyone have words of advise to get us started on the right foot? We care about each other very much and are very commited. I just can't figure out why my hubby was interested in sex while we were in college and has gotten less and less interested. I look exactly the same and he happy with our relationship...but the bedroom is a different story. He doesn't even seem to be bothered that our sex life is less than exciting...sorry that was long...ok what do you think??


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

There is much you can do. If he is interested in curing his PE, that is the easiest thing in the world to conquer - it need only take a week or two. 

I wrote up some techniques: Premature Ejaculation


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## sandydove (Nov 7, 2009)

Thanks so much for your reply...He does not watch porn, he does not pleasure even himself, he likes it with the lights ...although I will usually turn them off... Oral for him is not a problem, since after 3 years of sex I am unable to orgasm during intercourse. When I have talked about our sex life he gets very defensive and feels sorry for himself. That makes it difficult to talk about. He is also somewhat over weight and I don't want to make him feel bad about himself as I am afraid it will make things even worse. When we started dating he was so attractive...not that he's not now, but he has gained a good amount of weight. That has not made me want him less, somehow, but maybe that affects his performance. To answer your other question. He has never enjoyed foreplay or even care to talk to me about what I like or how I want it. It's almost as if he doesn't like sex, let alone sex with me.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Forget about not hurting his feelings. Your feelings will end up so hurt if you carry on like this you will end up hating him. Tell him to go to the gym. Tell him everything. He will avoid you for a few days, but eventually he will get over it. Well, that's what I would do


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## Sarai (Nov 7, 2009)

My husband and I have the same problem.. we have only been married for 4 months and I want out of it so bad..

He has a sexual problem too, he can hardly get an erection.. he won't go out of his way to please me and he acts like is an obligation.. 
I don't have a sexual problem.. I am very healthy in this area.. 
but he is very mean to me... and that is a big turn off.. for me at least.
I have no desire for him if I don't leave him now i will end up hating him.. with a purple onion passion..


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Sarai said:


> I have no desire for him if I don't leave him now i will end up hating him.. with a purple onion passion..


True.

What sort of ED has he got? I discuss the different types here: Erectile Dysfunction


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