# Am I the crazy one ?



## SAH (Apr 14, 2011)

Looking for some opinions here as my 'wife' would have me believe I'm acting inappropriately. Maybe I am,..but I don't think so.

This past spring my wife tells me she wants a divorce. A few months have passed and we have been very slowly working towards separation and a divorce. (Slowly as I have been trying to save the marriage but she insists she's not interested.) This past Aug she went to her high school reunion and meet an old friend there. They started chatting on FB and over the past three weeks they have determined they are perfect for each other and now routinely text/sext and talk on the phone. 

We have not filed any paperwork yet so nothing legal has happened to this point. Almost routinely when I attempt to call her or message her and she will ignore me and its almost always because loverboy is on the hook with her. She will be sitting around the house on FB typing with a grin on her face, she makes no attempt to even hide it. I haven't seen her actually talking to him yet in my presence but I'm sure she does it behind closed doors. She will make posts on her FB account about our kids sports activities and loverboy will make comments on them as if he knows them, telling them to "keep up the good work",...etc...

Is it totally inappropriate for her to be doing this with me and our kids in the house ? I've brought it up several times now and she will say "you're not my husband anymore" and I need to get over it and move on.

I'm still working to disconnect myself from her emotionally and its hard. I'm not sure if her behaviour is wrong or or my hurt feelings just getting in the way ?


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

She likely had already connected with this guy before she asked for a divorce.

I say she is cheating.

Do not go for separation. 

Me? I cut her loose right now. She is not only done with you, she has moved on.

Cut her loose.

Is she wrong? Yeah. Divorce her ASAP. Stop trying to be her husband and move on.

Oh wait, you have another thread. I suggest you just stay with that thread BTW :

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-.../214017-need-advice-big-time.html#post9997873

Yeah I should read the details but I would have not let her go to her HS reunion alone. Not without me.


----------



## SAH (Apr 14, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> She likely had already connected with this guy before she asked for a divorce.
> 
> I say she is cheating.
> 
> ...


No, they haven't been physical yet, there is 1200 kms between them at this point. He is currently getting divorced himself with kids. A match made in heaven, oh brother !!!


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Is it inappropriate for her to carry on in front of you like this? Yes.

However, the fact she isn't hiding anything is, in a perverse way, honest. And she probably wouldn't care if you did the same to her. In fact, you might as well.


----------



## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

SAH said:


> Looking for some opinions here as my 'wife' would have me believe I'm acting inappropriately. Maybe I am,..but I don't think so.
> 
> This past spring my wife tells me she wants a divorce. A few months have passed and we have been very slowly working towards separation and a divorce. (Slowly as I have been trying to save the marriage but she insists she's not interested.) This past Aug she went to her high school reunion and meet an old friend there. They started chatting on FB and over the past three weeks they have determined they are perfect for each other and now routinely text/sext and talk on the phone.
> 
> ...


That sounds pretty final. Why are you dragging your feet.  Send her on her way to her little sweetie.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

SAH said:


> No, they haven't been physical yet, there is 1200 kms between them at this point. He is currently getting divorced himself with kids. A match made in heaven, oh brother !!!


Don't be so sure of this.

What triggered her wanting a divorce? 99% chance--- there answer is this guy.
Why hasn't she moved out if she wants out ? Ask her to leave
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

I feel so very sad for you subjecting yourself to this cruelty which is in essence, self-inflicted. I think you have to respect yourself enough to respect the fact that she was honest with you. It is extremely difficult for you go through this solo, as in, without a counselor. She has detached from you and isn't lying about it nor pretending nor engaging in a false reconciliation, therefore, she means what she says. It's so painful but you must find the courage to detach from her. Try remembering who you are and who you used to be before you met her. I hope that will at least help a little bit. 

You need to stop watching her because it's only making you more obsessed and hurt. At this stage, you are probably seeing her as more valuable than she ever was because she is now "forbidden fruit". Fact remains that she was upfront with you and is just being her foggy self right now while you live with her in misery. Take care of yourself like yesterday. Try to separate...Why is she still there if she wants a divorce and why has no one filed? This is an extremely unhealthy arrangement and can end up getting out of control.


----------



## SAH (Apr 14, 2011)

thummper said:


> That sounds pretty final. Why are you dragging your feet.  Send her on her way to her little sweetie.


...because of our three kids. They all know now that mum and dad and going to get a divorce (because she told them without my knowledge). I really had hopes I could save things but I guess I'm just delaying the inevitable now. The crazy thing is that we are getting along better now than we have in three years. Mainly because I was attempting to be the perfect husband in an attempt to get her back. Yeah yeah,...I know that was a mistake now. haha


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SAH said:


> No, they haven't been physical yet, there is 1200 kms between them at this point. He is currently getting divorced himself with kids. A match made in heaven, oh brother !!!


I say she is cheating whither there is PIV sex or not.

Trust me 1200 kms is not far enough.

But why do you think they did not have sex after the reunion? 

Anyway, I have a friend who went to his HS reunion ... he divorced his wife soon after and and is now married to his HS sweetheart.

There are few situations more risky to a marriage than HS reunions. FB has made this even worse. Too easy to connect with old loves.

Maybe you did everything you could do. Idunno. But it did not work. You did not break up their affair. Hard to threaten divorce if that is what they want.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

SAH said:


> ...because of our three kids. They all know now that mum and dad and going to get a divorce (because she told them without my knowledge). I really had hopes I could save things but I guess I'm just delaying the inevitable now. The crazy thing is that we are getting along better now than we have in three years. Mainly because I was attempting to be the perfect husband in an attempt to get her back. Yeah yeah,...I know that was a mistake now. haha


No, it wasn't a mistake, just too late. She has fully moved on. Probably time for you too as well.


----------



## SAH (Apr 14, 2011)

Calibre1212 said:


> I feel so very sad for you subjecting yourself to this cruelty which is in essence, self-inflicted. I think you have to respect yourself enough to respect the fact that she was honest with you. It is extremely difficult for you go through this solo, as in, without a counselor. She has detached from you and isn't lying about it nor pretending nor engaging in a false reconciliation, therefore, she means what she says. It's so painful but you must find the courage to detach from her. Try remembering who you are and who you used to be before you met her. I hope that will at least help a little bit.
> 
> You need to stop watching her because it's only making you more obsessed and hurt. At this stage, you are probably seeing her as more valuable than she ever was because she is now "forbidden fruit". Fact remains that she was upfront with you and is just being her foggy self right now while you live with her in misery. Take care of yourself like yesterday. Try to separate...Why is she still there if she wants a divorce and why has no one filed? This is an extremely unhealthy arrangement and can end up getting out of control.


Much wisdom in this post and I think your mostly right on all bases. We are still together because of finances at this point. She wants 1500/month for child support which really causes some financial hardship for me if I allow it. I want 50/50 but she wants me to have them on weekends and pay support. I have a feeling that when I oppose this plan things will get nasty and costly,..for both of us. She agreed to let me live in the house for a year if necessary to get sorted out. (She is under the assumption that somehow she is in control of this and if she wants me out,..I'm out)


----------



## SAH (Apr 14, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I say she is cheating whither there is PIV sex or not.
> 
> Trust me 1200 kms is not far enough.
> 
> ...


No, if you look at my other post, I had access to her FB private messages without her knowledge. The didn't start to get close until days after the reunion when he was back home. It has since turned into a full blown EA.


----------



## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

SAH, have you consulted with an attorney for your state laws about adultery and even alimony for you? I dunno but I think there is at least one state where if you can prove adultery and she is an equal income earner, she ends up paying you alimony (which one could then use to pay child support?) In which case, it's only a matter of time before they cross the line and you have the evidence you need to get alimony? Just thoughts...

In the legal sense, she isn't "divorced" just because she "says" so, since she is not a judge nor the state's divorce law. (But, of course, in the emotional and apparently physical sense, she has "divorced" herself from you). Legal advice is needed regardless.


----------



## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

SAH said:


> Looking for some opinions here as my 'wife' would have me believe I'm acting inappropriately. Maybe I am,..but I don't think so.
> 
> This past spring my wife tells me she wants a divorce. A few months have passed and we have been very slowly working towards separation and a divorce. (Slowly as I have been trying to save the marriage but she insists she's not interested.) This past Aug she went to her high school reunion and meet an old friend there. They started chatting on FB and over the past three weeks they have determined they are perfect for each other and now routinely text/sext and talk on the phone.
> 
> ...





morituri said:


> I wish I could claim credit for this masterpiece but I can't. It belongs to very wise member from another website. It should be etched in the minds of every man and woman who has been the victim on infidelity.
> 
> _*Just Let Them Go*
> 
> ...


Speed up the D and move on.

Set some grown rules (about talking to the kids about OM until M is over) and do 180.

Stop trying to be her H, in her mind you are not

Sorry


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Her lover is only a telephone sex partner right now, well at least since they hooked up at the reunion. As to the custody, you should file for divorce and 50/50 physical custody. Do you have the wherewithal to care for your kids on work days?

In your filing you have to specify that the children are not to move anywhere outside of your area.

Are you practicing the 180?

Now that the future is clear, your marriage is dead, you need to detach so that you can escape this torture.

Do not drink.

Are you working out? Socializing? Keeping up with hobbies?


----------



## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

Calibre1212 said:


> I feel so very sad for you subjecting yourself to this cruelty which is in essence, self-inflicted. I think you have to respect yourself enough to respect the fact that she was honest with you. It is extremely difficult for you go through this solo, as in, without a counselor. She has detached from you and isn't lying about it nor pretending nor engaging in a false reconciliation, therefore, she means what she says. It's so painful but you must find the courage to detach from her. Try remembering who you are and who you used to be before you met her. I hope that will at least help a little bit.
> 
> You need to stop watching her because it's only making you more obsessed and hurt. At this stage, you are probably seeing her as more valuable than she ever was because she is now "forbidden fruit". Fact remains that she was upfront with you and is just being her foggy self right now while you live with her in misery. Take care of yourself like yesterday. Try to separate...Why is she still there if she wants a divorce and why has no one filed? This is an extremely unhealthy arrangement and can end up getting out of control.


:iagree:


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Be very wary. She may feel in control because she knows she can have you arrested and kicked out of the house at any time by simply calling the cops and telling them you hit her. She needs no evidence that you did, you're guilty until proven innocent. Get a VAR and have it on you at all times so when the cops show up you can play them the recording.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

SAH said:


> *I'm still working to disconnect myself from her emotionally* and its hard. I'm not sure if her behaviour is wrong or or my hurt feelings just getting in the way ?


Work harder. Implement the 180 to detach and expedite the D as best you can. Separate her from your bedroom if you haven't.

There's no marriage to save. She's checked out and is profoundly disrespecting you. 

Collect any evidence you can on their A. Attempt to find out exactly when it started. Could be valuable information to have down the road.


----------



## SAH (Apr 14, 2011)

badmemory said:


> Work harder. Implement the 180 to detach and expedite the D as best you can. Separate her from your bedroom if you haven't.
> 
> There's no marriage to save. She's checked out and is profoundly disrespecting you.
> 
> Collect any evidence you can on their A. Attempt to find out exactly when it started. Could be valuable information to have down the road.


We are sleeping in seperate bedrooms. Here in Canada and the province I'm in we have no fault divorce. Adultery plays little to no part in any divorce here.

I know 99.9% that they have not had anything physical yet. Thier FB conversation was strictly platonic for a few days after the reunion and then slowly turned sexual.

She had already told me she wanted a D a couple months before the reunion.

No, I havent gone fully 180 yet, maybe 90, haha. I'll force myself to go the other 90 in the coming days. (She's away at the moment for work)

We remain in the same house for now for financial purposes. We are trying to avoid lawyers to save $$ but she is looking to be primary caregiver and to recieve the maximum childcare allowance. The figure is so high it barley allows me to live on my own and pay my bills. I think I will have to fight her on this but I don't see that happening without lawyers and mucho $$$.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

So.. 

Your wife talks to another man right in front of your face.

Sleep in separate rooms

Know she wants a divorce and will take you to the cleaners

How is that not enough to detach from her?


----------



## SAH (Apr 14, 2011)

BobSimmons said:


> So..
> 
> Your wife talks to another man right in front of your face.
> 
> ...


At first I thought I could reverse things but that didn't happen and I probably broke every rule to go about that. I definatley didnt do the the 180 !! I'm just getting it through my thick skull now I guess. My disbelief that she would do this after so many years kept me trying way beyond what I should have. Together for almost 27, married for 19,...she was all I knew. TBH, I still can't shake her from my mind but I'm getting there.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Her demands are outrageous......get a good lawyer. and never leave home before you sell it first.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

SAH said:


> Much wisdom in this post and I think your mostly right on all bases. We are still together because of finances at this point. She wants 1500/month for child support which really causes some financial hardship for me if I allow it. I want 50/50 but she wants me to have them on weekends and pay support. I have a feeling that when I oppose this plan things will get nasty and costly,..for both of us. She agreed to let me live in the house for a year if necessary to get sorted out. (She is under the assumption that somehow she is in control of this and if she wants me out,..I'm out)


Wait, what?

I don't know your situation exactly (does she work? Are you well-paid?) but where does $1500/mth come from PLUS you get all weekends?

So great, you get the week free to work to pay the bills AND pay her, then you get to find a sitter on weekends should you want to leave the house, ever. Meanwhile she gets 4-5 hours a day with them (outside of school, work, etc.) and her weekends free to do whatever, and a nice little salary to boot.

I know you love your kids, and time spent with them is time well spent. But at some point, you're going to want a life.

I'm guessing that she's requested this schedule so that she can have weekends free to do whatever with her new man. Maybe his kids will only be with him during the week, as well, with his weekends free.

And this also occurred to me - he has kids and is getting a divorce. You guys have kids and are getting divorced. There's a 1200 mile (kilometer?) difference between them. Last I checked, you can't move children that far away from their parents. How is this going to work???


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Fortunately for you, she doesn't get to decide how the custody will work. Have you talked to a lawyer yet?

Since you're in Canada, check out the "Ottawa Divorce Forums". They have some good advice for people all over Canada, not just Ottawa/Ontario. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Oh, and child support in Canada is pretty cut and dried. There's "official" websites for plugging in the numbers, and they explain how things work in different custody arrangements. You have started educating yourself, right? Don't take her word for anything. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

See if dad's divorce.com can help you out in canada! You're going to get yourself cleaned out like this. Their plan is obviously for one of them to move 1200 miles, most likely your wife since he will probably lose custody. 

First things first though, talk to his wife over the phone, not texts. You don't even know anything except what two cheaters have said.

Does your wife work?

Open your own accts after you take half the money in your other accts.


----------



## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Let me give you clue, you can't fix the relationship by yourself. Trust me I tried this for a long time, only to end in divorce in the end. It is time to seek legal counsel, separate finances and look out for your best interests. You don't have to go along with her plan, you need to look out for what is best for the children and yourself.

Additionally, I recommend the following:

1.) Stop all conversations that don't involve the children, finances or legal matters.
2.) Inform close friends and your family what is going on, as you may need their help in this process.
3.) Exercise will help with the stress and make a healthier you.
4.) Plan things with you and the children, make your time with them count.
5.) Develop your own plan for separation, custody and support. Think long term and think 50/50 and you will be in line with most courts of today.


----------



## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

SAH said:


> We are sleeping in seperate bedrooms. Here in Canada and the province I'm in we have no fault divorce. Adultery plays little to no part in any divorce here.
> 
> I know 99.9% that they have not had anything physical yet. Thier FB conversation was strictly platonic for a few days after the reunion and then slowly turned sexual.
> 
> ...


I'm also from Canada (Ontario), divorced, and went through a similar situation.

Is she working? Has she been working? If not, she needs to get a job ASAP.

Do not agree to ANYTHING but shared/joint custody. Agree to every other week and every other weekend with the kids....she wants you to have them every weekend so she can go out and have fun. 

You need to calculate all of your combined assets and liabilities, including any pensions and RRSP's, because they all get shared 50/50 if they were earned during the marriage. You get to keep anything you came into the marriage with (ie: if you already owned the home, you keep the home, etc.), but you may owe the other person if they contributed to the upkeep of the possession.

You need to work on a "legal separation agreement" with her, followed by the 180 and moving on. You should put the house up for sale and split the profit, each going into their own new place.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. That would be considered abandonment, unless you already have a signed separation agreement. 

The separation can be from whatever date you decide between the 2 of you, but it has to be for 1 full year before you can legally get divorced here. 

Do not agree to pay alimony. Pay your share of child support (the charts are available online, and based on YOUR income), and if she's working, she has to pay her share. Luckily, in Canada fathers have a right to 50/50 custody and time with their children. Tell her you will accept nothing less, even if it means changing your work habits, job, etc. 

If you don't pay her alimony, she will have to prove that she needs it before a court would make you pay it. 

If you leave the house, it can have a huge affect on that.

If she is vindictive and a liar, carry a voice activated recorder on you at all times.

Good luck, and go talk to a lawyer...a free consult is a phone call away.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

SAH said:


> Much wisdom in this post and I think your mostly right on all bases. We are still together because of finances at this point. She wants 1500/month for child support which really causes some financial hardship for me if I allow it. I want 50/50 but she wants me to have them on weekends and pay support. I have a feeling that when I oppose this plan things will get nasty and costly,..for both of us. She agreed to let me live in the house for a year if necessary to get sorted out. (She is under the assumption that somehow she is in control of this and if she wants me out,..I'm out)


WTF?? how did it get to this?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SAH said:


> No, they haven't been physical yet, there is 1200 kms between them at this point. He is currently getting divorced himself with kids. A match made in heaven, oh brother !!!


No, we mean that they hooked months ago. Before she gave you the ILYBINILWY speech and said she wanted a divorce. I'm watching my brother go through this. When he first told me, I told him to look at her phone records and FB, and he'd likely find either an old flame or a new guy. He said not MY wife. Of course. And then he found the proof.

Get the phone records to see how far back their communication goes. They set up the high school reunion as a 'face saving' situation.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

tulsy said:


> Luckily, in Canada fathers have a right to 50/50 custody and time with their children. Tell her you will accept nothing less, even if it means changing your work habits, job, etc.


Worth repeating. Don't even DISCUSS any other possibility. And record every conversation with her.


----------



## SAH (Apr 14, 2011)

tulsy said:


> I'm also from Canada (Ontario), divorced, and went through a similar situation.
> 
> Is she working? Has she been working? If not, she needs to get a job ASAP.
> 
> ...


She has worked the whole time we've been together. Decent money but about 20% less than me. She has a pension but less than me as well.

Do I pay the amount on the chart regardless of what she makes ?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

SAH said:


> She has worked the whole time we've been together. Decent money but about 20% less than me. She has a pension but less than me as well.
> 
> Do I pay the amount on the chart regardless of what she makes ?


If you get 50/50 custody, my understand is that it would be basically the difference between your child support and hers. So if her child support would be 1200, and yours would be 1500, you would have to pay her 300 per month. 

C


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

SAH said:


> Is it totally inappropriate for her to be doing this with me and our kids in the house ? I've brought it up several times now and she will say "you're not my husband anymore" and I need to get over it and move on.


 Hey friend. If there has been no paperwork done on the divorce and there is nothing final, then she still is married and if it was me, I would tell her to take her affair anyplace but in the house where you live. You and her are still married.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

6301 said:


> Hey friend. If there has been no paperwork done on the divorce and there is nothing final, then she still is married and if it was me, I would tell her to take her affair anyplace but in the house where you live. You and her are still married.


He can bluff all he wants, and he might get lucky. But she doesn't have to leave, in most cases. 

C


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Chances are Lover boy is the reason she wanted the Divorce in the first place.

She obviously kept him under wraps from you longer than you think.

Your wife has made her position perfectly clear to you. She does not give a damn about you or the kids.

All i can suggest is (and i am not having a go at you) Stop being her doormat, she is clearly disrespecting you with her actions, if you support her financially, stop visit a Divorce Lawyer, find out your rights, and prepare an appropriate exit plan.

Do you live in a no fault Divorce State or not? Serve her cold file for custody of the kids, and put the house on the market asap.

Only through your decisive actions will you have any chance of snapping her out of her affair fog.

That said why would you want that disrespectful creature in your life anyway is your call.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The one thing I would keep asking her is if she is planning to move there or is he moving where you live and which one of them is going to move away from their kids?

Let her know, if you both own your house that it will have to be sold and the cheating a$$h*le will never see the inside of your home.

I agree that this was going on before she told you she wanted a divorce. Either him or someone else.

On the Brightside, its not going to be that hard for you to move on to someone a lot better than her.

Work out, change hairstyle, go out, get new clothes, new car, work out by lifting weights, gym etc.

Follow the 180 to the letter including be cheerful around everyone but her. Be totally unemotional around her and discuss nothing but the kids or bills.

Get both books linked to below immediately. They can be downloaded at amazon for quick reading and insight.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

50/50 custody. Fight for it.

Do the 180. Remember that doesn't mean exuding hostility and anger.


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

PBear said:


> If you get 50/50 custody, my understand is that it would be basically the difference between your child support and hers. So if her child support would be 1200, and yours would be 1500, you would have to pay her 300 per month.
> 
> C


The magic number here in Canada is 40%. As long as you have the kids 40% or more of the time the child support will be extrapolated as described above. 

I know a couple guys that ended up with 39% so they would have to pay the full table amounts. Personally I think the judges should be slapped upside the head for allowing that. If you're good enough as a parent to have the kids 39% of the time you're good enough to have them 50%. 

I can't advise strongly enough to get yourself a lawyer and ask questions until you're confident you understand how everything works. I made the mistake of trusting me ex wouldn't take advantage of me in our divorce. I had a weak lawyer and didn't ask enough questions. 

Also, make sure it's written into the agreement she can not move away with the kids. You don't want her moving 1200km's away to be with loverboy, not seeing your kids anymore and subsidizing her new lifestyle. If she wants to move to be with him force her to leave the kids with you and she can pay you support (full table amount).


----------



## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

SAH said:


> She has worked the whole time we've been together. Decent money but about 20% less than me. She has a pension but less than me as well.
> 
> Do I pay the amount on the chart regardless of what she makes ?


Yes, you pay the amount regardless of what she makes. You pay the amount based on YOUR income.

She also has to pay you the amount, based on HER income. For example, you may owe her $1500 a month based on your income, but she may owe you $900 based on her income, which brings yours down to $600 a month. 

Like I said, accept nothing less that 50/50 custody. In Ontario, 60/40 is also acceptable as 50/50. 

If you do not have your kids for at least 40% of the year, you will not get an child support *from* her, and you'll have to pay it all *to* her, the full $1500 a month.

It is for this reason that you DO NOT leave that house until you have a signed separation agreement.

Many people will fake assault to get you out out of the house, creating "abandonment", and causing you to lose access to your kids in order for them to get more child support money. That's why you should invest in a voice activated recorder until you are out on your own.

Often, children are nothing but pawns in chess. I speak from experience...my kids are nothing but a tax free pay check, completely off the books, for my ex-wife. She doesn't have to declare the $20,000 in cash she receives from me each year, and doesn't spend it on the kids either.

Make being a Dad your number one priority.


----------



## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Also, make sure it's written into the agreement she can not move away with the kids. You don't want her moving 1200km's away to be with loverboy, not seeing your kids anymore and subsidizing her new lifestyle. If she wants to move to be with him force her to leave the kids with you and she can pay you support (full table amount).


This is a great point. In my separation agreement, we have a clause that we must live within 50km of each other.


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Loverboy is most likely egging her on to get the max out of you to subsidize their new lovenest. Cause he's going to lose part of his income to support his kids.

At this point your health and the well being of the kids are number on priority. She's being particularly cruel by blantantly moving on with this guy while the two of you are still living together. In my mind you don't owe her any consideration. The only consideration you owe her is in as much as your interactions affect the children. 

My ex did the same thing over a decade ago...hooking up with an old boyfriend who lived 1200km's away. I wonder if it's the same guy. :scratchhead:


----------



## OpenEnded (Jul 30, 2012)

It makes me feel bad you have to deal with all this. But the way I see your situation - her making unrealistic demands and drafting legal documents that will affect your life for many years. 

*You need a lawyer immediately*. 

Without one you would lose more in future.


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Read up on the 180. Also read up on MMSLP. Standard stuff to do. Get on it. You know what to do. MMSLP will give you a lot of info on yourself and this mess.

You might get better terms while she is in the fog for divorce. If you want to stay together, expose far and wide to everyone about her affair. 

Cheaterville dot com for the POSOM. If you provide evidence (carefully) even better. Exposure and Cheaterville emails to everyone can bring an affair to an abrupt halt. He'll likely dump her, not wanting the attention.


----------

