# temper tantrums...



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

How long do you let it go on? My daughter has crazy tantrums, I think she could go 30 mins, but always give in to trying like heck to comfort her. This can't be healthy. We're 10 mins in right now... Ugh.
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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

12 nanoseconds.

Then I rip someones head off and it stops.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Yeah... That's not gonna happen  lol
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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Yeah... That's not gonna happen  lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well it helps that I`m louder, angrier, and meaner than anyone in this house.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

18 minutes. It's over. Sheesh. My son's tantrums are about 5 mins or less 
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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

And she doesn't seem to have these long tantrums around my husband when he has them alone. Bet she's pitting us against one another.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Cherry said:


> And she doesn't seem to have these long tantrums around my husband when he has them alone. Bet she's pitting us against one another.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Either that, or she gets a better reaction from you than she does from your husband. My kids knew that they could do whatever they liked when my wife told them what to do, but as soon as I told them the same thing, they'd do it. That happened from a relatively young age, like 2 to 3. My theory, it had to do with setting boundaries and enforcing them. The kids learned quickly that Mom wasn't actually going to take them home from the mall, or take away all their toys and give them to some good kids. Whereas if I told them a consequence if their actions continued, it WAS going to happen. 

Not saying that's what you're actually doing, but it is a possibility. And I'm not a perfect parent by any stretch (nor was she a really [email protected] one). But in our family, I am definitely the disciplinarian. And it's not a fun role, BTW.

C


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

That sounds about right in our house too. I have gotten somewhat stricter as they've grown older. They are 3 years now.
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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Oh man, my daughter still makes me cringe and twitch. She still has some pretty nasty ones, though they're in the form of attitude now. I wonder if it's a girl thing, cause my boys could never really keep up with her in the tantrum horror.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

If a child is throwing tantrums its best to send the message that its not OK to do that, you should allow some quiet space for your child to calm down, tell her that you love her but she can't get what she wants until she calms down and ready to talk to you. If you wait 10, 15 and 20 min and give in....it will go on and on and become worst because she learns that tantrum gets things done. you need to change that idea. My son used to do that when he turned 4 as he got away with grandmas. but within a week I stopped it by being consistent in my strategy. Now working and helping grandma to set the boundary so that I can go on a short vacation with H


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Thewife said:


> If a child is throwing tantrums its best to send the message that its not OK to do that, you should allow some quiet space for your child to calm down, tell her that you love her but she can't get what she wants until she calms down and ready to talk to you. If you wait 10, 15 and 20 min and give in....it will go on and on and become worst because she learns that tantrum gets things done. you need to change that idea. My son used to do that when he turned 4 as he got away with grandmas. but within a week I stopped it by being consistent in my strategy. Now working and helping grandma to set the boundary so that I can go on a short vacation with H


I'm going to have to do that. It's so hard though. There are times where she will pull her hair, scratch herself, throw herself, etc. Those are the times where I try to comfort her. I don't want her to hurt herself. She'll start the tantrum over something she wants, by the time her tantrum is done she wants 20 other things.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

Cherry said:


> I'm going to have to do that. It's so hard though. There are times where she will pull her hair, scratch herself, throw herself, etc. Those are the times where I try to comfort her. I don't want her to hurt herself. She'll start the tantrum over something she wants, by the time her tantrum is done she wants 20 other things.


This is not good for her, I know as a mother it pains us to see our little ones suffering but remember that you are going to help her become a happier person in future. It would be good if you can get her to help make a nice cozy soft quiet corner with her (have some of her favourite soft toys/cushions there) then read a book on emotions and tell her that its ok for people to feel angry, sad and upset but emphasize on the right way of overcoming like going to a quiet corner to calm down or rest. If she is too young to understand this you will practically have to do it with her to make her understand. BTW how old is she? If this doesnt work you have to use the positive time out which is can be harsh given the extend but fast remedy.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

She's 3. I have gotten better about being stricter, it's just so sad to see them so upset. I don't remember my oldest throwing tantrums at all. Something has got to give. Maybe if I stand my ground and don't give in, she'll get the hint? lol


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I haven't tried the bath thing. We've done the cool water blast before though with the both of them, especially if they start fighting in the shower. 

I've successfully headed off fits before too by calmly talking to her about what's making her upset. 

Like I said, my son doesn't throw these tantrums and he looks at my girl like she's got another head growing out. He's so cute, he tries to tell us what she's so upset about and we let him know that we know why she is upset, but she can't -insert whatever is making her so upset- and that's that. 

Fun fun!


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Outlast her. She is doing this because she knows that it bothers you, and that you will eventually give in to her dramatics. Pay absolutely no attention to her until she calms down.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

lovesherman said:


> Outlast her. She is doing this because she knows that it bothers you, and that you will eventually give in to her dramatics. Pay absolutely no attention to her until she calms down.


agree! this is what I did with my son. When he starts his tantrums I'll give him a warning that he will go on the thinking mat (I had a special mat for time out) when he doesnt stop I'll put him on it, he'll try to run away, I'll bring him back...this went on for an hour plus the first time but I didn't give up (this son of mine is a very determined child) I told him he can come out and talk to me when he had stopped crying and whining, I'll go about my business but keep a close watch on him, no eye-contact. He did practically everything-throwing things, yelling, screaming, rolling on the floor, trying to hurt himself but I didnt give in. Eventually he stopped realizing that mommy is not going to help him. He walked upto me and said "sorry" I gave him the word "I'm ready to talk" then we talked and I explained to him as simple as possible that tantrum will never get things done for him and that he need to talk if he has a problem. After this first experience he still tried his luck a few times during that week but I was consistent and his tantrum didn't last more than 15 mins. Now he is 5 and he know that I mean what I say.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

Having said that each child is different and what works with one child may not work for all, my other twin boy prefers a softer positive approach like going to a quiet corner to calm down on his own. I'll just bring him to the quiet corner and give him a big hug tell him that I love him a lot but he can't have what he wants. He'll cry for a while but soon will be reading happily. Have tried this with the former twin only to have my quiet corner destroyed...haha


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

Angel5112 said:


> My daughter also has the cutest mentality about it. She learned this little phrase from who knows where and she is always saying it to her big brother; "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit". She is so matter of fact when she says it too, like it is the most obvious thing is the world. Cracks me up.


very cute! we also come across similar phrases but only for others


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