# Unplugging from Porn; Personal Testimony



## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Hi, all. 
In the past, I've stated my position on porn to this site. Basically, I think the issues most women have with porn on this site relate to simple insecurity and sexual jealousy. And that's fine, but it results in a lot of massive double standards and totally unnecessary strife in relationships. When it comes down to it, I think a lot of women's objections to porn are equal to objections to their men finding *any* other woman attractive.

And that's still my position. 

But you know what? I stopped looking at the stuff, on a lark, and have never felt better. It has nothing to do with morality, "objectification, or my fiance and everything to do with me. 

I never looked at anything crazy - just basic softcore nude photos and the occasional hardcore video. I never had any "unrealistic expectations" that needed fulfilling, as my fiance is honestly hotter than just about any pornstar I've seen (lucky me, I know) and willing to do pretty much anything. Porn was just a way for me to ogle lots of attractive ladies and therefore get a little variety to my sex life. 

But I decided to give it a little break and I started feeling like a dang 15 year old again. My sex drive has shot through the roof and I feel like I've been readjusted sexually; I notice women on the street more, am much more sexually aggressive with the lady, and just generally feel the hormones surging again like when I was a young man. It's a little disconcerting but definitely invigorating. 

I stopped masturbating entirely for several weeks. That was difficult, because it had become sort of ritualistic - get ready for bed, fire up a bunch of tabs on the ol' internet browser, finish up, go to sleep. But I just endured.

And then came the flatline. My sex drive *died* for probably 3 weeks. It was embarrassing. I couldn't even have sex. Apparently this is common though.

Now...wow. After the flatline, I masturbate once or twice a week still (lot of pent-up hormones..), but I'll either use my memory, imagination, or look at stuff that's pretty far removed from anything pornographic - never any nudity, implied sex, etc. And, again, I really feel amazing. 

I only offer this to you guys (and only here, in the Clubhouse) as one guy's story. Men are belittled in a lot of places for their sex drives and I find that often porn is used as the convenient alter ego for male sexuality - I'm not here to do that. I don't think it's a moral issue at all. I don't think twice about "objectification" because I think that's a term that essentially has no content. I'm not going to rattle off completely selective findings about porn and your brain. 

All I'm saying is that you might feel a little boost if you divert yourself from whatever internet porn you're looking at for a while. I still masturbate (even to images of women!) I just quit the routine "posed naked chicks" and "vanilla man-woman sexing video" things. 

Anyone else feel this way? Anyone else quit and felt worse - I'd like to know.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I agree pretty much completely with your take on it. Did a moratorium last year went a couple months but never really got much out of it, if anything my sex drive and desire for women pretty much just dropped off. Then got in a hot texting thing and it came back but found myself looking at porn (very moderate use). Not long after found myself in a brief relationship and couldn't get my sex drive ramped up. That ended and I decided to start using once in awhile, it's the only way I could get really hard, but then I've always repressed my sexuality with women to a large degree.

Recently I have been seeing a really beautiful cool lady, we got to some steamy kissing and I had so much anxiety about being able to perform. The kissing was hot and nice but I'm slowing it way down because my ego can't take another blow right now. I was totally aroused with her, very lubricated (tmi) but not erect at all 

I'm not sure it's all porn related, but I'm taking precautionary measures and completely avoiding it too... I read a very good article about porn induced ed, and effects of dopamine and overestimulation... It's been a few weeks since turning my eyes away, still no noticeable affects.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

I think the most difficult thing is not turning back to it to after you feel the drop-off. I wanted to go "fix" my sexual flatline. Especially when I couldn't perform *at all* in bed and I was walking around with an ever-flaccid Lil'SoWhat. But, like I said, that lasted me about a month, maybe a little less. 

And...if it stays like that, go back to porn. No harm, no foul.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I tried to have this talk with my stbxw about her shopping but it didn't go so well!


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Did you stop because your fiance objected to it? Or a personal decision? 
If it was because of the fiance, what will be her reaction if she finds out you slip up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

No, I did not stop because she objected to it. AFAIK, she had no idea I was looking at the stuff. I don't advise stopping because your SO objects - frankly, I'm not sure if its even their business.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Does your fiance have low self esteem/ insecurities? If she does what do you think her reaction would be if she saw it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Been doing something similiar myself actually. Ya you do end up feeling a lot better. Although there are ups and downs. I'm on like day 21 of no porn or masturbation. Am at that point right now where I don't have an urge to do either (some call it flatlining).


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

richie33 said:


> Does your fiance have low self esteem/ insecurities? If she does what do you think her reaction would be if she saw it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think her reaction would be very negative. And, yes, she's very insecure. 

I think it's important for a guy quitting NOT to do so for his SO for just this reason; if he tells her, her sexual jealousy/insecurity will just become focused on something else. Seeing women on the street will become the new looking at porn. Seeing a pretty woman in a movie will become the new looking at porn. Masturbating at all will become the new looking at porn - because she doesn't know what/who is running around in your head. Etc. 

Quitting porn and telling her about it might operate as a temporary band-aid but it really might just amplify the issue in the long run - I think it might convey a message of internal shame about ones own very natural desires, which in turn might reinforce that part of the insecurity/sexual jealousy complex which wants to suppress any such desires. "Why did you watch that movie with Jennifer Connelly??? It's practically porn and you claim you quit porn!!" That sort of thing. Hell, look at all the threads of women asking if their men are "unnatural" for noticing other pretty women on the street - it makes them angry, so it MUST be wrong...right? 

So that's why I'm stressing: do it for you if you do it.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

Stopped because she found out. It was one of many things I had hidden. There were lots of things going on on both sides. Went to MC which got things out in the open. We are both much better now and I've had no interest in restarting old habits. And I don't really miss it either - much to my surprise.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

So what I definitely see your point. I have been free of porn a year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *SoWhat said*: I stopped masturbating entirely for several weeks. That was difficult, because it had become sort of ritualistic - get ready for bed, fire up a bunch of tabs on the ol' internet browser, finish up, go to sleep. But I just endured.
> 
> And then came the flatline. My sex drive *died* for probably 3 weeks. It was embarrassing. I couldn't even have sex. Apparently this is common though.


 Just curious is all.... but HOW OFTEN were you having sex with your wife when you stopped masterbating..and your sex drive died like that ? 

My husbands way of dealing with porn is not the normal story.....sometimes I wonder how rare he is ....and I do believe him...

Although he has enjoyed PlayBoy pin ups since he was 12 yrs old..(been downloading them for years)...some might not call this porn -but "ART". Once we started getting frisky with each other, even before intercourse -while dating... he stopped







(before this time he whacked it up to 3 times a day)...

I didn't learn this until 4 yrs ago...(married 19 yrs at that point) with me opening up the conversation.....we just never openly talked about sex...(biggest regret of our marriage)..... Masterbation just seemed so taboo, hard to explain.







is now our greatest subject!

When I asked him how often he did...with that answer.... I was like "WHAT [email protected]#$%^&, you have to be kidding me, come on, fess up"....He knew he could tell me anything... He said he felt like it was "cheating" (his words... not mine).....

I looked at him and said ...."I was a cheater then"....crazy moment, also ....learning how we missed each other ... he always wanted MORE, putting himself down -waiting for me....and here I was thinking he wouldn't want woke up in the middle of the night -when I was feeling it (half the time I woke him up, half the time I didn't.) 

It's probably a silly question to ask, but I wonder how many women would be upset if their men Looked at a little porn but *waited for every orgasm*. I don't think men would have the self control for this ..especially if the wife didn't want alot of romping....I really don't know how my husband did this... cause when I want it..I'm gonna get it one way or another... very little self control here. 

How you are handling it now... is very honorable ...beings your wife is upset by it... I Love a little porn myself so I am happy my husband enjoys it too or I would look bad!


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

SA, 
My fiance lives 4 hours from me and we only get to be together on the weekends... so we were having sex 2-3 times a week, on Friday-Sunday, when I stopped. 

I was very concerned about my flatline, because it embarrassed the hell out of me. I thought she was as beautiful as always but it was like NOTHING was moving me to be sexual during this month-long period. I like almost could not get hard at all. I imagine if I looked at porn during this period there would have been very little reaction. 

And it was very strange to me, because I've always had a very high drive. So I had this very serious urge to get back to "normal" and really wanted to return to the comfort of the old routine. But I resisted.

I really appreciate your story, SA. You seem like such a wonderful wife!


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Gave it up cold turkey and no more giving it a grab I am so into my wife now.It is so new again and she is so much more orgasmic I guess I had my head up my ass


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Don't get it....And your reason for stopping was??? I am 66 years old, always extreme HD...Married 47 years....

I would like sex every night and again in the morning...My wife not so much for the past 30 years...

More like 1-2 times per week....I was watching porn every night, and rubbing 1 or 2 out... 

I stopped a few months ago....Because my BR computer hard drive crashed....

Since then....Absolutely no change of any kind, except I get off quicker rubbing one out because I fantasize about the wife instead of mousing all over the net.....

Never even thought about quitting? Can't imagine any reason to...

good luck
the woodchuck


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

It's been about 5 weeks, no desire to look at any porn at all, also have had low libido not really much interest in self-pleasure... a bit of a flat line except I'm seeing someone and the plumbing seems to be working really well when I really want it too, I am actually starting to trust my erection again, lol. Don't know if this has anything to do with the porn break or if its just the new relationship or that I've been busy in general with other things. I do hope my sex drive ramps up a little more though, it makes everything feel more... intense, if that makes any sense.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Lon said:


> It's been about 5 weeks, no desire to look at any porn at all, also have had low libido not really much interest in self-pleasure... a bit of a flat line except I'm seeing someone and the plumbing seems to be working really well when I really want it too, I am actually starting to trust my erection again, lol. Don't know if this has anything to do with the porn break or if its just the new relationship or that I've been busy in general with other things. I do hope my sex drive ramps up a little more though, it makes everything feel more... intense, if that makes any sense.


Virtue is its own and only reward.......

the woodchuck


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

richie33 said:


> So what I definitely see your point. I have been *free of porn* a year.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*I find your wording interesting. Free of porn. As if it were a bad habit?*


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Meaning given up for my marriage. No bad habit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

When I play tug o' war with the trouser cyclops I like to look at images of my lover. Or we do the video chat sex thing.

I use porn all the time, but my gf is always the subject.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

richie33 said:


> Meaning given up for my marriage. No bad habit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*So was it badly effecting your marriage?*


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

No it wasnt badly affecting my marriage. Wife had a issue, we addressed it and I made a decision to stop. As a couple we had viewed it together in the past. But I didn't stop cause she forced me too nor did I promise never to look again. I promised only to myself. If we fall back into a sexless marriage I cannot promise not to look again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

richie33 said:


> No it wasnt badly affecting my marriage. Wife had a issue, we addressed it and I made a decision to stop. As a couple we had viewed it together in the past. But I didn't stop cause she forced me too nor did I promise never to look again. I promised only to myself. If we fall back into a sexless marriage I cannot promise not to look again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Thank you for the response! May you never be in a sexless marriage again! * :woohoo:


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Bad habits can happen in the greatest marriages and to the best of people.
Marriages change and evolve all the time. I am more than happy that we are both on the same page when it comes to meeting our needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

It's definitely a good idea to give up P and MB for weeks or even months at a time.

For one, and I'm gonna just come out and say this, it frees up a lot of spare time. I'm gonna say something most of us would probably rather not admit, but when you're home alone and think, "Hey, I'm bored, I'll check out some P for a few minutes, then do the sh!t I need to do around the house", you can easily while away several hours. That's one of the reasons I give it up on a regular basis, to get back my spare time.

And as SoWhat said, it helps to realign your sexual expectations if you've found yourself watching too much of it that doesn't align with the sexual relationship between you and your W. It can be good fantasy for the stuff your W will never do, but if you watch too much stuff like that, it can poison your expectations.

The downside, as most have said, is that your sex drive can flat line hard. There's a scientific reason for this: Watching P results in massive testosterone spikes. This phenomenon has been studied and verified by behavioral scientists (I'll link the studies when I get home, at work right now and don't want to be pulling those studies up on my work PC). So it only makes sense that when you stop watching P, your T levels go down.

When you hit that flat line, try other natural ways of increasing your T levels: Lift weights, eat a healthy diet that promotes T creation, get plenty of sleep, etc. You'll find if you start doing that stuff when you flat line, your libido will return, and pretty quickly, at that.

I do like the extra T spikes, though, so I'll request dirty pics from the W, or look at sexy/erotic pics. I'll try to keep the hardcore stuff to a minimum, but I don't always succeed. It's usually at that point I decide it's time for another break.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: Unplugging from Porn; Personal Testimony*



Davelli0331 said:


> It's definitely a good idea to give up P and MB for weeks or even months at a time.
> 
> For one, and I'm gonna just come out and say this, it frees up a lot of spare time. I'm gonna say something most of us would probably rather not admit, but when you're home alone and think, "Hey, I'm bored, I'll check out some P for a few minutes, then do the sh!t I need to do around the house", you can easily while away several hours. That's one of the reasons I give it up on a regular basis, to get back my spare time.
> 
> ...


Actually iirc from what I've read testosterone decreases substantially with constant porn use, it's the dopamine that spikes. And the flatline is a temporary physiological response to the reduction in dopamine, but with time our brain adjusts to the reduced stimulation and eventually recalibrates itself.

I'm a good 6 weeks without the dopamine spike from porn, but I am slowly getting back into decent performance level, and my dopamine spikes now are with a real partner which DOES increase testosterone level naturally.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Lon said:


> Actually iirc from what I've read testosterone decreases substantially with constant porn use, it's the dopamine that spikes. And the flatline is a temporary physiological response to the reduction in dopamine, but with time our brain adjusts to the reduced stimulation and eventually recalibrates itself.
> 
> I'm a good 6 weeks without the dopamine spike from porn, but I am slowly getting back into decent performance level, and my dopamine spikes now are with a real partner which DOES increase testosterone level naturally.


How to increase testosterone naturally

Read point #10. It cites three separate and independent studies showing P spikes T levels. More can be found via googling.

P does, however, have the dopamine spikes to that go along with it. And sex with a real person definitely increases T and dopamine better than the fake stuff.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: Unplugging from Porn; Personal Testimony*



Davelli0331 said:


> How to increase testosterone naturally
> 
> Read point #10. It cites three separate and independent studies showing P spikes T levels. More can be found via googling.
> 
> P does, however, have the dopamine spikes to that go along with it. And sex with a real person definitely increases T and dopamine better than the fake stuff.


Yes I too have read that sexual arousal helps produce test, but I think constantly ejaculating to porn has a detrimental effect... If you simply look at it for extended periods while maintaining an erection but don't cum it's probably good for test, however it could cause those dopamine spikes (especially if you can't usually control the compulsion to climax) that become all too desensitizing and obsessive.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Lon said:


> Yes I too have read that sexual arousal helps produce test, but I think constantly ejaculating to porn has a detrimental effect... If you simply look at it for extended periods while maintaining an erection but don't cum it's probably good for test, however it could cause those dopamine spikes (especially if you can't usually control the compulsion to climax) that become all too desensitizing and obsessive.


I see your point, however, I separate out the viewing of P and MB as two disparate activities. I rarely MB, P or not. Maybe once a month, if even that. I look at P more frequently. I actually dislike MBing to P. Would much rather my W handled my orgasms 

So in that respect, viewing P, as cited in the studies, does raise T levels. However, you're completely correct in that if you MB every time you look at P, your T levels will plummet.

ETA: And yes, constant viewing of P, MB or not, theoretically causes dopamine spikes that can become desensitizing. However, I would want to see studies measuring such things before I buy into that wholesale.

I'm not saying it's not true or that the studies don't exist, I just have read a lot of pseudoscience and anecdotal claims that it does with no cited references to studies that back it up.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Great find, this thread. I just started dating (separated from my stbx) and I've had sex with 2 different women since. I couldn't cum either time, and achieving and maintaining an erection was difficult. Partly performance anxiety, but after a little research, I realized the porn consumption is detrimental. 

It's been a few days since I rubbed one out, and that last time I didn't use porn. I'm going cold turkey. 

For the posters above who have not yet seen results from quitting, I read it takes about 3 months of no porn. I'm going to cut back on the wanking too. Already have.

I was giving it to this woman doggy style in her bed - a big mirror right there so I could watch us - and I felt nothing. Bad sign.

But, on the bright side, looks like there is a solution.

Quit using porn.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

No porn for a year and a half here. Didn't use it daily but occasionally. I think the biggest thing that made me want to stop was to realize how it created disfunction in my sex life.

I go on MB hiatus's of a few months at a time. I'm in the middle of one just now.

I frankly like myself more when I'm not MB'ing. I become much less obsessed with sex and find I have more self control (no need to oogle and fantasize about every a$$ that walks by). Sex drive is good (hadn't heard about the flatline before but I think I've experienced that). 

I like the feeling of control over my sex life when not MB'ing. Because I choose not to cum. It seems to spur productivity in my life too.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

I am the master of my domain.

Seinfeld -The Contest - YouTube


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Disenchanted said:


> I am the master of my domain.
> 
> Seinfeld -The Contest - YouTube


Loved that episode


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Because I choose not to masturbate!


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Its weird now that i am separated and getting none at all, i am much less interested in general.

When we were together and I wasn't getting any at the end, porn was a way to release. Visual aid no more.

Now that I have moved out and 'getting some' isn't even an option.. I don't much care.

Sex for me is something you do when a hot woman wants yo to or it is an expression of affection and love. Without that love and affection i lost all interest, though I do not doubt a hot interested woman would change hat.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Meh. I don't see a reason to quit. I only look at it together with the wife and she's in control of when that happens.

Sometimes she'll tell me she wants to watch me jack off to porn and I am not really ready. She did last night, and the weird thing about that is she had only let me rest about three hours since we had sex and I had a very difficult time reaching climax. Sheesh - I gave up several times, but finally pulled it off. 

If we had less sex then I wouldn't have as much trouble having an orgasm jacking off to porn. :scratchhead:


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> Sometimes she'll tell me she wants to watch me jack off to porn...She did last night, and the weird thing about that is she had only let me rest about three hours since we had sex...


Legit.


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## Malcolm38 (Dec 25, 2012)

Never been a huge porn person, but I'm looking to significantly increase my personal usage in 2013. It was one of my New Years Resolutions, and I really want to make sure I don't fail!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Davelli0331 said:


> Legit.


She has a fantasy about watching me do another girl and I'm not going to let that happen. If I talk her through a little fantasy while she is on top, she'll go off like a volcano. 

Yet, if I looked at porn without her knowing she would be angry/jealous. And she checks my internet history. So this whole thing about her being in control is the key.

I never expected this to happen and it has been all her doing, so I'm rolling with it. But I am not going to do another girl for her.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Porn is like reality TV... as if anything on reality TV is reality, ah yea, right


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

If my wife dosn't lie down next to me, I can do without sex every day. But if we have sex tonight, and tomorrow morning I lie down in my BR to watch TV, and she joins me, it is ON...

I just can't keep my hands off of her. It happened last Monday. she lay down next to me wearing a silky blouse and some nice pants...She was wearing Blue, one of my favorite perfumes.

I have never been hornier in my life. she gave me that hands off look when she lay down. But when she turns me on like that, I turn on the charm....within 20 minutes, she was peeling those nice pants off......When I get like that and run my hand over her it is like touching electricity...She is absolutely the sexiest woman I have ever encountered in all my 66 years...Afterwards, I told her the sex was as good as when she was the 20 yo girl I first met...She is awesome!

Of course on our off days, I still rub a couple out, since we both know my "appetite" is a little overboard, and I think her well being would suffer if we carried on like in the old days.

I probably havn't looked at porn more than an hour since my HD crashed on my BR computer about 3 months ago...I really can't say it made any difference at all....Right now I am hoping I can lure her into the BR for a nightcap....

good luck
the woodchuck


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