# separated but should live together???



## kenken (Jun 21, 2011)

together but separated..dont know how 

my husband and i are from different race,im an asian and he is caucasian we are married for four years now and we have a 3yr old kid.hubs and i would always fight about little things,sometimes i thought maybe it was just because of cultural differences and to add to the fact that i cant forget what i have found out 2 yrs back;chat messages from her ex gf saying that she wants my husband back and that she is just waiting for us to separate blah blah,from then on i started being paranoid,suspicios and what not,my hubs assured me that he wants nothing from that biatch anymore.for the whole time after i found out about the chat messages,our fight would end up because of that ex gf,i would give him reason such as "i am acting like this because of that biatch...blah blah " for which i kow is pathetic. Two nights ago again hubs and i fought and ,he kind of said to me that he doesnt love me anymore,he even told me that he doesnt know what love is,it hurts nd i cried when he told me this,after minutes of contemplating i opened up to him that i want to end the relationship,then he told me that we give ourselves atleast a week to know and to realize what we really want,i disagree and i said i want to end it now,i told him all my needs from him like he is not affectionate,he doesnt appreciate me,he belittle all my ideas and i sometimes feel like i am just a dummy in this relationship,and he said otherwise he said that i am just plain stupid and he just wants me to follow him because he is the man in the house etc. to cut it short we end up with a decision that we will be separated but we should live together,and i dont really understand this kind of set up,he said we should do it for our kid...at the moment we are in my home country and i am studying medicine,our initial plan was i will continue my studies wherever he can get a residence visa for the 3 of us,he is an engineer jobless and soon will look for a job and eventually migrate to wherever we can,he proposed to me that i should finish my studies and follow him (even if we are separated) wherever he immigrate,so it will not be hard for us to share our kid,he said that we atleast should stay in one city.i dont really understand,it felt like we are still together.i dont know where did he get this idea,i assume that he got this idea from his ex gf,his ex gf was a divorced biatch who is still living with her ex husband in the same city.i mean maybe he adopted this kind of set up from her tho.

please someone tell me what it is to be separated but you are still together.
thanks


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Please clarify. Is his proposal that you all are to live in the same house, but not live as a married couple, or is it that you two live in the same city, but different houses? 

It sounds like he is expecting you to make all the sacrifices. If living near the child is his priority, he needs to find a job near where you will be living after you get your career started. He should not expect you to follow him around the world.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Things will go south quickly when one of you starts dating again. You're being naive if you think this can work long term.

C


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## kenken (Jun 21, 2011)

@satinwound; the set up at first is to live in the same city and in the same house and just leave the "dirt" outside the house,for the sake of the kid,and i disagree cause i found it rather impossible and that i told him that i would hate him more if that would happen so he decidedto live on the same city in different houses and we will have daddy week mommy week for the kid,btw,yesterday he is kind of different,he prepared my food as i am not talking to him anymore,he was just staring at me while eating his prepd food.i still want to work out but i just find it hard because of our differences. thanks for ur time.

@pbear: yeh ive thought about it as well,there were times id thought i want to have another baby,i concluded that what if in the event of this kind of set up i got impregnated by my then partner what would it be?as i feel like i want to have another one before i reach 35,and i told him about this in the middle of discussing separation surprisingly he said that would not be a problem id give you another one,and i was like "what???" i dont really understand,what is clear to me is that he doesnt want to be away with his kid and all of us will suffer with this situation...i thought might as well settle the differences and get on with our life ...try try try and try for the relationship to work out


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