# Emotionally Distant



## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

I have not always been the most engaging person, but my emotional distance has been causing more and more problems in my marriage. I've just been shutting down, and I don't have any real reason to.


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## DeepBreathPKI (May 9, 2012)

You need to get involved with somthing. An interest. Be part of something. A group, charity, fundraising maybe. Get inspired. Watch the last 2minutes of every 'Russel Howards Good News' Programme. IT will make you feel lucky to be alive.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, there's a reason, you just don't know what it is. Have you ever tried any personal counseling? Seems like you could benefit from talking to someone.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

I have been thinking about counseling. I just don't think we can afford it right now.


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## DoctorWho (May 31, 2012)

Jimena said:


> I have been thinking about counseling. I just don't think we can afford it right now.


I don't know where you live but I would suggest talking to your GP. Last year a GP referred me to a series of counselling sessions where I could choose a counsellour/psychiatrist/psychologist and claim back the government rate for counselling. It was my choice to see someone who cost more than the government rate, but at least I got some of the money back. 
I went back to the doctor recently and talked about the same thing, it happened to be a different GP, and they advised they had on-site counsellours (so I could get my government rebate instantly) which would be cheaper. The doctor also asked to see me again in 2 weeks, so whilst I have to wait a few weeks to get into the counsellour, at least I have started to ask for help. 
Funny, walking away from the GP I felt like "I wasn't that bad" and was "wasting my/their time" "whinging". The only thing which makes me continue to ask for help is because I know that when I isolate myself and feel really low, it's not healthy. Two days before I went to the doctor's to get an appointment and they were booked out. I walked all the way home in tears. WTF? The other times (of day or week) when I feel functioning, social, (at least at work), make me feel like there are ppl far worse off than me and I should focus on aaaall the goooood in the world and my life, and not wallow. 
Finally, I am glad I went back to the GP for an appointment...walking home in tears "for no good reason" is really not healthy! (It happened 3 times this week already). 
Frickin HATE mental issues!!! ;-) 
Hope you talk to someone soon (and not just on the boards). 
Good luck.


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## muttgirl (Mar 23, 2012)

If you are going to make an effort, your marriage is a good place to start. My h is the one who is shutdown, and I always feel either ignored or boring. If he could see what just a little attention would do, I hope he would try harder. Every day I struggle to be positive and put energy in our relationship and I usually feel like he could care less and then I get more resentful. Now I am working on me and my depression and keeping the door open for a better relationship. Good luck.


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## DoctorWho (May 31, 2012)

muttgirl said:


> If you are going to make an effort, your marriage is a good place to start. My h is the one who is shutdown, and I always feel either ignored or boring. If he could see what just a little attention would do, I hope he would try harder. Every day I struggle to be positive and put energy in our relationship and I usually feel like he could care less and then I get more resentful. Now I am working on me and my depression and keeping the door open for a better relationship. Good luck.


Muttgirl, I totally agree with you and can understand how you've felt and still feel. I've supported my h for the last 6 -12 months emotionally and financially and it's drained almost everything I've had. I'm now trying to figure out how to get rid of my resentment towards him, and not spiral into a severe depression (or get out of it as I start to slip in), and find my old patience and respect for him. 
I guess I am tired (and resentful) for always needing to be the bright, positive, educated, strong one, to see him through his negative-fuelled life and finally resulting in me being torn down. I resent that I am now asking for mental health support when I asked him months and months ago to get his own help for himself so that we wouldn't both of us be brought the f down. I don't know if he's in denial, plain stupid, ignorant, oblivious, but I suspect, all of the above. 
Let's say good f-ing luck to us all! Look after yourself muttgirl, because he certainly isn't going to do so [as he doesn't effectivley look after his own mental health].


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