# (Please Read!) Wife is pregnant and left second time and said she is done



## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

Around this time last year my wife said she was leaving and moved to her mothers house a couple blocks over. She said she fell out of love with me because I neglected her for so many years due to my online gaming addiction. 

A couple months before she moved out she started to feel better about herself and another married guy at her work started making her feel wanted. Their friendship grew close. He expressed how much he liked her. She told me it made her feel good that someone else noticed her like that.

Anyways, we have a 6 year old son together. So during the time she was living at her mothers house, she would come over here right after work and stay late into the hours. Sometimes spend the night. Our sex life was still intact. We would still go out as a family and do stuff. The only difference was she was spending the night at her mothers. Every night she would be over here with me and our son.

This continued on until early September when we found out she was pregnant. We have never practiced safe sex and the baby was conceived around the end of August. I was unaware a woman could conceive a baby during their menstruate period and she gave me the ok not to pull out. Signs started to appear that she may be pregnant. Well, one Sat morning after her spending the night, she called me into the bathroom to tell me she is pregnant. We talked and she move back in.

The last 8-9 months has not been easy. She had to quit her job because its been a tough pregnancy. (Our son was born at 27 weeks because wife had Preeclampsia)

She said when she came back she was trying. Her coming back was her trying she said. She was wearing her wedding rings and telling me she loved me back when I told her. She said she even gave up talking to the other guy at her work. But I could not stop worrying about her talking to him. I would constantly look for stuff to see if she was. I would always bring him up or look at the phone bill. She blocked him on her phone but every once in a while I would see text he sent to her. Her never sending any back. I would still ask about it and it would upset her because she would tell me she doesn't even know he sends them because she has him block. It was on my mind day and night. Always fearful she was talking to him behind my back. I even taped recorded her in the house one night and thought I had hard evidence but it turns out it was the tv playing in the background and she showed me what show it was. I felt horrible. She broke down in tears and cried for a while for what I done. That was several months back. 

About 2 to 3 weeks ago she stopped having sex with me. Than a week ago today she moved out again. This time she said she is done. She said she can't do it anymore. She told me I am controlling and she can't be in a controlling relationship any longer. I know I have been controlling over the years and I really don't want to be. I just worry a lot and think worst case scenario all the time. For the last several months she said she will be moving back out sometime after the baby is born. So everyday that pasted, I saw it as one day closer to her leaving. A couple days ago she told me that I had gotten worse with controlling. I have never gotten violent with her and never will but lately we have had some heated arguments. I tried to explain to her how I felt about getting closer and closer to our baby girls due date and she replied, "but I was still here and haven't left yet." With her telling me several times she is moving back out after the baby, it just killed any hope of us working things out. I was always panicking. Started to get bad anxiety over the last couple months.

Last night we went out to dinner with our 6 year old. When we got back home, she asked me to rub her feet so I did because the are swollen. Well it turned into an hour body massage (nothing sexual) because her whole body has been hurting. She almost dozed off a couple times. Well after the massage she saw it was getting late and she left. Every night she leaves, I feel the pain all over again.

She called me when she got back to where she is staying and we talked for a little over an hour. For the most part it was a heated conversation. Well about 3:30 am this morning I had to call her to tell her I won't be needing the car today and we ended up talking for 2 hours. This conversation was completely opposite of that a few hours before. We talked about funny memories, good memories and stuff like that. She said she wondered how things would have turned out if I just gave her the space she was asking for. I told her I felt so threaten by her friendship with this other guy and his feelings for my wife that I was scared to give her space. She even said she occasionally thought a couple months back if after the baby is born, if her loving feelings for me could come back.

So here I sit, got a baby on the way in a couple weeks and I just want to call her and talk about us. No amount of talking has fixed anything but I still want to try and talk about it to fix it. I know I should just leave her alone, but its just so hard. I am so scared.

We have been together for almost 9 years and married for almost 5. She is 27 and I am 32.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Your wife is having an affair, and you should not assume the baby is yours.

Her heart is with the other guy.

If she loved you, she'd give up the other guy in a heart beat.

I am sorry what you are going through.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

Why would you give space to a married woman that is talking to another guy?
I hate to say this, but have you considered that the new baby is not yours? I would get a DNA test.


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## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

I don't believe she ever did anything with the other man. she's even told me that if I need a DNA test to prove its mine she doesnt see a problem with it. 

As far as the other man goes, she has not comunicated with him for several months. I have found nothing to say,any different. Last I heard several months ago he is trying to work it out with his wife because they just had a baby 5-6 months ago.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

CommittedHusband said:


> I don't believe she ever did anything with the other man. she's even told me that if I need a DNA test to prove its mine she doesnt see a problem with it.
> 
> As far as the other man goes, she has not comunicated with him for several months. I have found nothing to say,any different. Last I heard several months ago he is trying to work it out with his wife because they just had a baby 5-6 months ago.


OK, so you're positive she's not seeing anyone else. Fair enough.

Problem is SHE'S MOVED OUT. AGAIN.

What can you do about that? I'll tell you... absolutely nothing. What you CAN do to help yourself is face the reality of the situation. She's not interested in being with you, therefore you need to move forward. Be a father to your kids and get yourself together. She knows this hurts you. Trust me she knows. It doesn't matter to her that it hurts you. You need to push past it and take care of business.


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## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

Its just so to move on. I dont have any family here besides wife and our kid. Her family is here but mine is over 140 miles.away. I feel so alone all the time.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

CommittedHusband said:


> Its just so to move on. I dont have any family here besides wife and our kid. Her family is here but mine is over 140 miles.away. I feel so alone all the time.


I feel for you, but sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn't productive. You can't control her or what she chooses to do. If you've talked to her about it and she's still not budging on her stance, what do you have left?


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## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

*Re: Re: (Please Read!) Wife is pregnant and left second time and said she is done*



A Bit Much said:


> I feel for you, but sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn't productive. You can't control her or what she chooses to do. If you've talked to her about it and she's still not budging on her stance, what do you have left?


I know I have nothing left. I guess I'm hoping there is something left. Or if there is anything I can do to try and save our marriage.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

At this point, the only real thing you can do is give her space. She doesn't want you now.

And, this would be something new to try, since pouring yourself into her and the relationship did not work.

One good thing you might want to ask yourself is why do you want to be with her? Do you enjoy the texts from OM, being apart from your family, and being called controlling all the time? Or is it rather that you are afraid to process that the marriage you thought you had wasn't really the one that existed? Something to think about anyway.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Have her get the test.


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## saving relationships (Apr 22, 2013)

The reason why she is leaving can boil down to trust. How would it make you feel to be spied on constantly and falsely accused. One key to saving a relationship is understanding your spouse. Work on yourself, and by making positive changes now is a win win for you. If she see's your making progress and changes, she may decide to change too. If not, you will be better prepared for you next relationship.

Good luck, I wish you all the best!


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

You actually cannot conceive during a woman's menstrual period. It would be virtually impossible, unless she ovulates the day after her cycle is done (which again is not possible). I would get a test. Sorry.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

saving relationships said:


> The reason why she is leaving can boil down to *the other man at work. What spouse wouldn't have a problem with the other saying some married person makes them feel special. Excuse me that is not for some other man to be doing for his wife. * How would it make you feel to be spied on constantly and falsely accused. One key to saving a relationship is understanding your spouse. Work on yourself, and by making positive changes now is a win win for you. If she see's your making progress and changes, she may decide to change too. If not, you will be better prepared for you next relationship.
> 
> Good luck, I wish you all the best!


There ya go. I fixed your post for you.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Laila619 said:


> You actually cannot conceive during a woman's menstrual period. It would be virtually impossible, unless she ovulates the day after her cycle is done (which again is not possible). I would get a test. Sorry.


Can you get pregnant during your period? | BabyCenter


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Can a Woman Become Pregnant During Her Period?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

DNA test the baby. Once you have your answer, then you can go from there about letting her go or working to rebuild the marriage.


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

southern wife said:


> Can a Woman Become Pregnant During Her Period?


Yep, she'd have to ovulate right after the last day of bleeding. It's highly, highly unlikely. We're talking slim chance.

From http://www.tcoyf.com/content/FertFAQ-FertilityCycles.aspx

"The answer lies in the wording of the question. More precisely, it is essentially impossible for a woman to get pregnant during her period, but on rare occasions it is possible for a woman to get pregnant from intercourse during her period. Since sperm can live for five days, a couple could have sex near the end of the woman's period, and the sperm could then live long enough to fertilize an egg several days later, if the woman had a very early ovulation. (Conception is more likely in these cases if intercourse occurs at the end of a 6- or 7-day menstruation.)"

I would get a test.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Do take account of the fact that her pregnancy may be affecting her thinking and behaviour ( certainly did with my wife). If you want her to come back to you (which will be her decision) I think all you can do is make it clear you want her back, stay around (do not game). Do not seek to control (not always easy if you have an irrational pregnant woman on your hands, I know) unless there really is no choice. Do not get heated, raise your voice, lose your temper.

Good luck.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Bad Gabriel's gonna come out now...

My theory is as follows:

You were a controlling husband, watched over her a lot, got into heated arguments all the time about what she was doing, etc. She couldn't stand it and sought comfort from another man. It turned into a full on sexual affair. Your controlling behavior does NOT warrant her having an affair but this is what happened.

Eventually your wife got pregnant. She got scared and stopped talking to the OM because she didn't know whose baby it was. Left the OM in the dark. He doesn't know what's going on, texts her once in awhile with no response back. 

She suspects the baby might be his, especially since you only didn't pull out while she was on her period, and pulled out the rest of the time. The OM probably didn't have the same rules as you. This scares her more.

But there was no way to know for sure. She HOPED it was yours, and moved back in with you to try to make your family work.

Then, she realized she just couldn't live with you and all the yelling. It's too hostile with you. So she'll assume the baby is yours, get whatever child support is coming to her and live with her mother.

Just a theory, mind you...

At this stage, OP, I think you have to let her go. She tried to make it work and couldn't. You should test the child. And you should work on yourself. You're a young man with a lot of future ahead of you.


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## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

Again, I'm pretty certain the baby is mine. She is not looking for child support. She talked to me and said we could co parent and no reason to go through the court system. 

I'm hoping after the baby is born, her feelings change because of maybe how the pregnancy affected her feelings.


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## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

She was suppose to come over today right around the time our son got off the bus but she called and said she wants to come over early so we could go clean the car out. We went to Walmart to buy our son a t-ball set before he got home from school. She was in a good mood and I made sure I was in a good mood. We just got done cleaning the car out. She asked me to rub her feet again and said we may take a nap together because she is worn out.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

CommittedHusband said:


> Again, I'm pretty certain the baby is mine. She is not looking for child support. She talked to me and said we could co parent and no reason to go through the court system.
> 
> I'm hoping after the baby is born, her feelings change because of maybe how the pregnancy affected her feelings.


Why are you certain that the baby is yours?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

wilderness said:


> Why are you certain that the baby is yours?


DNA tests are around $100. Get one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

CommittedHusband said:


> She was suppose to come over today right around the time our son got off the bus but she called and said she wants to come over early so we could go clean the car out. We went to Walmart to buy our son a t-ball set before he got home from school. She was in a good mood and I made sure I was in a good mood. We just got done cleaning the car out. She asked me to rub her feet again and said we may take a nap together because she is worn out.


Dude, you need to stop with this. Her waffling is going to drive you insane. 

Let's say there is even a 10% chance the baby is his. (personally, I think it might be much higher, but let's go with 10%). Do you want to take that risk, taking care of another man's kid for the rest of its life? 

You need to put your pride aside and have the test done. That way, if it's the OM's, you can stop all feet rubbing, guilt, hope, etc, and move on to a healthy relationship with someone else.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

she bluffed you saying get the DNA test and you jumped all over it faster than flies to a steamy pile of poo. she cheated on you and a 93% chance its the om kids but she knows you are a better father. so she is choosing you as a father but him as a lover and you fell for it hook line and sinker.

her actions prove she doesnt want you as a lover but as a baby sitter and massuse


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

I'm sorry but you should move from whatever state you lived in, to the place you live in now, "the state of denial". Change of address pending. Almost every one of us here on this website have said at one time or another "my spouse would NEVER do that", yet here we are. I'm sorry not only can she, she probably DID. I understand how hard it is to face those demons, especially when it looked like it was going so well.

But you need to stay away, and GO DARK now. Give it at least a couple/few weeks NO CONTACT, disappear!! Find some outlets, get out of the house, make her wonder what YOUR doing out, not vice versa.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Get the DNA test now...She dosn't want child support now but will when baby is here...Divorce before the baby is born is your only hope of not raising another mans child....The DNA test before the baby is born is 100 per cent accurate that you are not the father, slightly less that you are......


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

CommittedHusband said:


> Again, I'm pretty certain the baby is mine.


Exactly how are you certain of it? Have you had a paternity testing done?

Let me ask you this, if the child isn't yours is that even a dealbreaker for you or are you OK with footing the bill for another man's child?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

For those wanting to get DNA tests before the baby is born - we do realize that requires amnio, and that comes with risks, up and including a risk of causing an early birth or unwanted abortion. Or you can do an all blood-based test, but apparently that's quite expensive.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> For those wanting to get DNA tests before the baby is born - we do realize that requires amnio, and that comes with risks, up and including a risk of causing an early birth or unwanted abortion. Or you can do an all blood-based test, but apparently that's quite expensive.


$450-1000. But you've got to have the balls to want to find out.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Sigh. Denial.

Don't be a cuckold. Get the test. The probability it is your is very very small.


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