# Dear STBXW,



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Well, here we go. After sixteen years of struggles, yet finding those few good days inbetween, you have ultimately in some obviously confused state of mind decided that you want a divorce, and we are in five days.
These past few months, you have hidden away in the bedroom, kept your face glued to either the notebook or on your Iphone, acting OH so solid and strong. Its a very good show indeed.
But I know better. You can "Act" all you want, pretend to be solidified and carefree about all this. But there will come a time when you have to lift your head up and acknowledge what it is you have done, and chosen, for the future, not just for yourself (being that the main concern for so long), but for our kid, and her future too. 
Was it worth it? Was it worth throwing yourself into the arms of some man you havent seen in over twenty years? 
I know you have mentioned that there were things I did that helped this, but your time reference was from nine years ago. If in all that time life was so terrible, what made this recent discovery of your affair and concurrent lies about it earn the divorce now? 
I know you still speak to him regularly. I have seen the words being formed on your lips as you huddle together with your what once was "our" friends discussing your latest chapter of your own little personal twilight series. 
How strong, how upright you stand. 
What does it make you feel like to know you have done to us, exactly what your dad did to your own family? To the extent that you had asked me to tell you before I ever got interested in someone else, so you could just end it and not have to suffer the devestation that causes? What does it make you feel like that YOU have become the same?

Not that it would be any reason as to stay together, but do you even remotely recognize the ongoing, lifetime lasting hurt that you have caused your daughter? If you remember closely enough, again, much like your own statuesque father, cold, and unaffectionate, that I was the only person exhibiting and showing any affection or involvement in our daughters life aside from telling her to "clean her room" so you wouldnt have to close down your laptop? 
And you chose this, not me. In all that time there was not one instance we could have worked any issues out in counseling? It just so happened that after discovery of your fallibility and human capacity to make a bad choice, that it was then too late?
Escape your guilt for now. Escape it, follow your heart into the world of whatever this other man has for you. As full of character and grace and gentlemen qualities as any man who pursues a married woman would be expected to have.
Should I take the mirrors down in the bathroom, so you dont have to view your own reflection? 
There will come a time, and many instances thereafter, when you will truly recognize and remember what it was I did for this family in ways and means you have no capacity in your heart to imagine. Things you so easily overlooked due to the shallowness and skin deep consideration you had for things done for you in your entitled title of wife.

I quite frankly, do not want to be your friend after this. As you have asked that you hope we could, having gone so far beyond friendship, and trusting you so deeply beyond mere friendship, I found a person incapable of even being friends with themselves. 

To have wreaked this havoc on our sacred family, and ultimately to have destroyed and rendered illegitimate our own child's dreams and security, you have marked yourself as that of a murderer, a coward, and a liar, even among the glaring crowns of infidelity you act as if you do not possess. If you remember anything of me, you will remember that I chose not to associate with that type of person. My own fault would be to allow some of those qualities to lessen the sense of disdain I have for them, because I may still not be able to imagine the person I held in such high regard as to have been capable of.

p.s. Theres dinner in the microwave, set at 2 minutes and let stand for another minute.

hugs and kisses...

---shoo


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Are you sending this to her??? Don't.


----------



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Naw, im not sending it LOL, just venting.
hugs and kisses...LOL!!


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Naw, im not sending it LOL, just venting.
> hugs and kisses...LOL!!


I like this letter.

One day you may want to share it when your daughter gets older? Perhaps to break the cycle for your daughter of your wife and your father-in-law's tendencies?


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Naw, im not sending it LOL, just venting.
> hugs and kisses...LOL!!


Hehe. 

I wrote a LOT of letters that I never sent to my ex (thank God). 

Some of them were long and drawn out, sad. Some were angry. Some were accusatory. Some were full of self-loathing and blaming myself.

And some were short, like this:

"Dear a$$hole. 

I never want to see you again.

Die in a fire.

Love,

Me."

Just live by the 48 hour rule--before you do anything major/crazy, wait 48 hours before doing it. At the end of the 48 if you still wish to proceed...do so...with caution. I find at the end of 48, whatever seemed like a good idea at the etime usually doesn't anymore :rofl:


----------



## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Hehe.
> 
> 
> "Dear a$$hole.
> ...


I love this....I am sending..


----------



## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

The thing about sending these types of letters is that they read them and laugh in your face. They don't care about the message you are getting across!


----------



## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

:iagree:

My STBXW thinks I have no idea what I'm talking about. Yeah...Right... The guy who saw his entire extended family divorce growning up has no frame of reference for this type of behavior. OK:scratchhead:


----------



## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

Shoo - can definately tell you are venting all your hurt. I'm hopefully that you understand that infidelity isnt a cause, but a symptom of a marriage in trouble. There are deeper underlaying issues at hand between you and your wife.

One other note... rash minds make bad choices. Be mindful of the old saying, "say it and forget it, write it and regret it" Your venting, if by chance or design, comes into any legal proceedings may be considered as emotional unstable. That is ammunition for the other party. Although I am new to the forums, i try to be factual, and as objective as I can in such a deeply emotional and tramatic events. 

Be careful, be well, heal in time.


----------

