# Am I insane?



## summerB (Aug 31, 2011)

Should it be this hard to separate? I feel sick to my stomach. I still haven't talked to my husband about the separation and I will have to reschedule the appt with the mediator because I cannot find childcare. Our wedding anniversary is next week, and I am in a panic about how to handle this situation. He is really pushing to have daughter spend the night away, and I am disgusted and panicked about spending a night alone with him. 

I am having a heck of a time finding a place to live and do not want to bring up separation without an exit plan. We live in a rural area and rental properties that are safe for me and my daughter are few and far between. There is not a lot of housing for professional, non HUD or Section 8 people. Plus, I feel horribly guilty doing all of this (finding housing, talking to a mediator, posting on here) behind my husband's back. I am so worried about his approval and doing things 'right' that it is hard for me to be ok about making this decision by and for myself. I am going to see a house this afternoon and speak with a loan officer about buying.

We had two huge blowups over the weekend: 1) We went to a department store to look at clothes and I went to the women's section with daughter and husband went to men's section. When we went to men's section, daughter was throwing a fit and he asked how a coat fit. It didn't fit his midsection, and I said that it fit his arms and shoulders but he could have it tailored. He got mad, put the coat back, was silent on the way home and said that I am apathetic and bored with him. He said he really wanted my help choosing clothes, so I suggested we have his dad watch daughter and just he and I go to the store together. He said he doesn't have that kind of time and was really pissed that I gave him my true opinion that the coat didn't fit and was upset that I didn't focus more on him and just hang in the men's section with daugter while he tried stuff on. 
2) I let daughter drink clean hot water out of the running faucet while she was taking a bath. Husband insists that our hot water tank and pipe soldering are contaminating the hot water with heavy metals, says he told me that before, that I never listen to him and that I owe him an apology. I am leaving out all of the profanity. He said that I am knowingly giving our daughter heavy metal poisoning and never let him make decisions regarding her well being. He was agressive, angry and mean, so I told him I wouldn't let her drink hot water out of the faucet but would not apologize to him after being sworn at and talked down to. He said I have no right to feel that way, that I am wrong and full of s&#t, and any counselor would tell me so. 

So, needless to say, we are still on the rocks, he did not maintain the changed man facade, and I cannot get everything in place to safely transition away from him. If I could just find housing, I would feel so much better. I can't leave if I have no where to go.


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

I'm not sure why you question your sanity. Do you have friends or family you can stay with? As he sounds on the abusive side, I wouldn't mention the separation until you have a place to stay either. Hang in there and keep looking!


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## rfAlaska (Jul 28, 2011)

Hey Summer

Do you fear for your safety with him around? Like Coach mentioned it sounds like he could be physically abusive.

I'm wondering if you need to make a radical change. Take your daughter and head for your parents. You can find another good job, you can find better and safe housing. You may need to just run. As scary as that may be, staying where you are may be even more scary.

Good luck


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