# Ex agreed to go to counseling



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

Thought about posting this in the reconciliation thread, but I don't think it belongs there (at least yet).

Ive posted a lot on here. Separated for about 10 months, divorced for about 3. Throughout ex has come and gone: In and out of contact, nice then cold...the whole routine.

Since the divorce she has used the excuse of coming to the house to get things she has forgotten. We have an enjoyable time together, occasionally talk about getting back together, then we usually fall out of contact for awhile.

Well this morning she came over to get a few things again. I hit her with a shocker: I told her that this was going to be the last time. I told her that it was over for good unless she agreed to work things out. She hemmed and hawed and said cant we be friends? I repeated no, that this was the last time we were going to have any communication. I told her it had been too long already and that this needed to end. She asked if there was anything she could do to change my mind. I told here either we go to MC or she leaves and we won't communicate. She said ok she would go to MC. She left and within an hour called me to say she had scheduled us an appointment this coming Tuesday. She asked me what happens if the MC goes bad. I said then we never talk again (im really being a cold prick at this point, but it was needed). She said she was going into it with an open mind. I didn't respond.

Don't know where this is going to lead. But I was just so damn tired of these stupid occasional meetings. I know this board advises against ultimatums, but hell I have nothing to lose at this point. I really could see myself getting back with her, and I could also see myself going on with out her. Time heals.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Confused,

It's the right thing to do.

I mean, for God's sake, you're already divorced.

Have you had sex with her since being divorced?


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Have you had sex with her since being divorced?


No, she tried a few times, but I knew that would only lead to more problems.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

ConfusedInMichigan said:


> No, she tried a few times, but I knew that would only lead to more problems.


How was it between the sheets when you were married?


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

Conrad said:


> How was it between the sheets when you were married?


It was good...why do you ask?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

ConfusedInMichigan said:


> It was good...why do you ask?


It's a measure of your attraction for each other.

And, the most reliable gauge of whether she thinks she can be successful in replacing you.

People that are irresistibly attracted to each other often will decide to do the work necessary to make it as a couple.


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

Conrad said:


> It's a measure of your attraction for each other.
> 
> And, the most reliable gauge of whether she thinks she can be successful in replacing you.
> 
> People that are irresistibly attracted to each other often will decide to do the work necessary to make it as a couple.


Interesting. Thanks for the information!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

ConfusedInMichigan said:


> Interesting. Thanks for the information!


And, she's become even more attracted because you're turning her down unless she commits.

Perfect alpha move


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## InOverMyHeart (Apr 1, 2013)

Men! Thanks guys, I will keep that in mind during my troubling times.


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

UPDATE: Received an interesting phone call today from the ex. She said she wanted to let me know that she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore. She said that she just wanted me to know the truth. However, she said she still wanted to go to the counseling (which was supposed to be today, but we had to move it back to next week...separate issue, this happened because the counselor had to change things, not us). She said she would still go to counseling, but the feelings were gone and she didn't want me to waste my time. Why in the world would she say that? I replied that if the feelings were that far gone we should cancel the counseling. What in the world is going on here??


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

ConfusedInMichigan said:


> I replied that if the feelings were that far gone we should cancel the counseling.


Leave it right there.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

ConfusedInMichigan said:


> UPDATE: Received an interesting phone call today from the ex. She said she wanted to let me know that she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore. She said that she just wanted me to know the truth. However, she said she still wanted to go to the counseling (which was supposed to be today, but we had to move it back to next week...separate issue, this happened because the counselor had to change things, not us). She said she would still go to counseling, but the feelings were gone and she didn't want me to waste my time. Why in the world would she say that? I replied that if the feelings were that far gone we should cancel the counseling. What in the world is going on here??


This would be very confusing to me, as well. It sounds like she wants MC to see if she can negotiate "being friends" with you, or maintaining some connection (?) vs. reconcilitation as a couple up to and potentially to include re-marriage. Tell her it is a "no go" if you she is not on the same page re: the goal and agenda for MC. Otherwise it will be more of the same confusing run around.

Good luck! Best Wishes, - A12


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

I think you are all right in what you say. She might be trying to "friendzone" it. Part of me is glad I cancelled, part of me thinks I should have sat down once with a professional to let them speak their mind!


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