# I cant stop crying



## Cnixon (Mar 13, 2013)

My husband is very undecided whether or not he wants to continue our marriage after only 9 months. He left 3 weeks ago and has been coming and going as he pleased but was still driving me crazy. On Sunday I had to put my foot down and told him that I could not longer do the back and forth thing and that I wanted a real separation until he was sure he knew what he wanted. 

Its been 3 days without any word from him and my heart hurts so bad and I now regret putting my foot down. I miss hearing his voice and getting the usual text messages. I have been trying to keep it together for my kids, but I cant stop crying. I have never cried so much in my life!!! I miss him, I miss my life with him, I miss everything. 

Part of me wants to hate him for putting me and my kids through this pain but I still love him. How do I get over this pain? I know time heals all pain but it seems like its moving so damn slow....


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Don't second guess your decision. Your doing the right thing. It sounds like your husband may be having an affair on you. This is definitely not normal married behavior! Stay strong. You'll get through this. You deserve so much better then this!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Time does move slowly when you are going through a situation like this. That's because you are focusing most of your energy on him.

Your decision was the correct one. Concentrate on you and your children and not him. Break the cycle of constantly thinking about him and what he's doing. When you start to think about him, refocus your mind on something else. Keep doing that.

You *will *get beyond this.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

So sorry you are going through this! I know how heart-breaking it is, with the intense grief and anger inter-mixed -- but you WILL get through this, and are you are doing the right thing setting self-respecting boundaries. Did you have an inkling, or did your H give you any clue or explanation as to why he is undecided about staying married only 9 months into it? 

I do not understand making a such a major committment only to break it so quickly -- but if there is one thing I have learned when it comes to relationships, absolutely anything is possible and sometimes there is no accounting for it. 

It helps me to think of it this way: you could meet the love of your life tomorrow, and they be hit and killed by a bus the next day. So you can't make your happiness and well being contingent on another person or anything outsode of yourself. A very difficult discipline to practice, but staying in the present moment and taking things one hour or day at a time can be a big help.

Wishing the best for you! Keep us posted.

Warmly,- A12


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Good for you. It was the best thing for YOU to put your foot down. It does hurt in not to hear from them but stay strong. When my WH left he told the kids if you need me or anything needs to be done in the house - call me. I think he had this vision of living with the OW & still being involved here. NO WAY! I knew i couldn't live that way. The less I have to do with him the better off I am. I really missed the interaction I had with him in the beginning but as time is going on I realize that person is gone and it is getting easier to be without him.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

You made the right choice. And honestly if he is willing to walk at less than a year of marriage, I would be seriously reconsidering if I even wanted reconciliation.

I just found evidence of the affair of my husband's, who also asked for a separation. It is its own kind of hell, but you do get through it, one breath at a time. You will have more moments where you feel strong enough to set boundaries. Relish those and realize you are worth protecting yourself.

Huge hugs. This journey is not easy.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I feel so sorry for you and I know your pain going through, had the same thing with my WAW. Keep cying if you need to. My pastor told me that it helps you get rid of toxins. True or not, it made me feel better about being emotionally on edge.

I know it sounds counter-intuitive but you have to start working on you. If there are financial implications, you need to develop a plan so you can provide for yourself and your kids. Reconnect with old friends. Maybe a new hairstyle or teeth whitening (I did both)

If you don't currently exercise try to start, even just a ten minute walk will be theraputic. You are under tremendous stress and exercise is the best at relieving it. 

Make sure you have people you can talk to 24/7. You cannot control anxiety and talking with friends or family is the best medicine. Adding counseling to your support group will help, it did for me and not submitting to counseling originally was one of the reasons I have a WAW.

This site will be a tremendous source of advice, support and love as you go through this horrible experience.

Take care,
Stretch


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## lost hunter (Dec 13, 2012)

Sorry you are going through this, but you are not alone. We have all been there, and hopefully we can help you through this. I wish I had the magic word that would just make everything OK, but I don't all I can tell you is that it is going to take time. You need to focus your energy on youself and you children. You have done nothing wrong, so there is no need to punish yourself. Also never second guess your decision to put your foot down. What is better, you waiting by the phone hanging on his every word, while he goes and lives his life, or you telling him to buck up and make a decision. I did the same with my wife, if it was up to her we would just be living in different houses, but still married, she wanted out, but I believe she wanted to test the waters before she jumped. I got tired of it, so I pushed her in the water, and told her to file the paperwork. Do I regret my choice, sometimes, word I do it differently if I had the chance no. You have the right to cry, we all have, I still have days, where some little small thing will remind me of her and I tear up, but those days are becoming fewer. You will get through this, and you will see that your best days are ahead of you. Good Luck!


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

That you were able to stand up for yourself and make him deal with the reality of what he is saying, hints at great courage and fortitude. It may not feel like it but you made a huge decision much earlier into this than many. That is a good thing. You are not willing to be his door mate.

Beyond that, how to deal with things depends on so many factors it is hard to say more.

You can be confident you made there right call there though. In or Out, not in-between. In-between is easy to slide into but it sucks just as much believe me.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I hate to see that you are here. With previous replies, you know you made correct choice. Would you want to live this way for nine more months? I am not sure about your age or children status but...if you were a long-time friend my advice would be to investigate if there is an affair. Get a keylogger and VAR (I can copy a post where it was described in detail) and see. Also when he comes in next time....have divorce papers on the dinnertable. Do you have to file them? No....but observe his reaction


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## Cnixon (Mar 13, 2013)

Thanks everyone I needed to hear that I am not alone... I have been trying to keep busy and not think about it but its so hard. Its so easy for him to walk away and leave me with the memories and wedding pictures. I dont not think that its another women because he was spending all of his free time with me and the kids even after his leaving. And if I never would've put my foot down he would have still been coming over and staying the night like we were dating. 

I know that I had to do it without a doubt but it hurts like crazy. I know alot of his actions are being dictated by his family who I know hates me. And it tears me up that he isnt man enough to stand up to them.... I know he's not coming back and I am trying to accept it but my heart hurts so bad.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Honey you married him, not his family......but whatever you decide, there are people here who will support you


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Put your wedding pictures away. Mine came right off the wall the night he left - I couldn't look at them- it was a defense reaction at that moment but I was glad I put them away the next morning when I woke up.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

smallsteps said:


> Put your wedding pictures away. Mine came right off the wall the night he left - I couldn't look at them- it was a defense reaction at that moment but I was glad I put them away the next morning when I woke up.


Absolutely. Wedding pictures are a trigger. I got rid of almost all of mine but not everyone goes that far.


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