# Cant Stand Living With my Wife



## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

I previously had posts.. I have reached the Point I cant stand living with my wife, its just too depressing. We really cant communicate, we fight too much and recently it was infornt of Kids.

We almost had a violent fight twice where it got just a little physical. 

I just dont feel Happy with her anymore, Im just too depressed with her.
Ive got 2 kids, 8 and 6 which really makes things very difficult.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

I'm sure having kids in the picture is really difficult but imagine how difficult it is for them to live in this war zone. One of my earliest memories as a child was seeing my dad grab my mom by the hair and drag her into their bedroom and hearing him hit her with a belt. I will never forget the screaming and crying. Although physical violence like that happened very rarely I still triggered when they fought because I knew that physical violence was a possibility at any time. It was a terrible atmosphere to grow up in. I think leaving this environment will kill two birds with one stone -- 1) you will free yourself of this toxic relationship and 2) you will enrich your children's lives. I know it's difficult to be separated from your children but you need to do what is in their best interests. 

I suggest you both get into some counseling too regardless of the outcome of your marriage. 

Good luck to you, Gooch.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

What keeps you from planning your exit, Gooch?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Can you stand living without her?


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## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

Its the Kids and the fear of actually leaving, not knowing what can happen, what would be next, what would happen to my kids.
Sometimes I feel my life is being wasted and exhumed away.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Why did you fall in love with her?

That love can still be rekindled. It's a decision you make.


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

Can your marriage be fixed? Do either of you want to work on it?

If not, it's better for the kids that you two separate, especially if all you are doing is fighting in front of them, and some of those fights are physical.

I watched my mom and my dad fight every day, screaming matches that sometimes would turn physical. I was 12 when my brother and I watched my parents get into a physical fight. Without going into further details, I still remember that day like it happened yesterday. And it happened 16 years ago.

I was so relieved when my dad moved out that next day, and both of them, and I've been so much happier since.


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## buladscot (Jan 8, 2013)

Its the Kids and the fear of actually leaving


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

buladscot said:


> Its the Kids and the fear of actually leaving


Have you told her honestly how you feel about her or do you have too much "fear" to do that?

It is possible she can't stand living with you as well. Maybe the two of you can hammer out a co-parenting, living apart relationship.


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## felona (Jan 8, 2013)

Gooch78 said:


> Its the Kids and the fear of actually leaving, not knowing what can happen, what would be next, what would happen to my kids.
> Sometimes I feel my life is being wasted and exhumed away.


Do you fear what will happen to your kids if you do stay? Arguing to the point of getting physical... If you have to put your hands on your spouse (man or woman), its time to leave. If you can't stand your spouse, if you can't find a good reason to stay or want to stay, to try and work it out and not just for the sake of the kids, its probably time to leave.

Hope it works out for your family, whatever decision you make


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## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

Its not about Child Support at all, I can perfectly manage the financials and even would want my Kids with me. 
We used to communicate, she used to be my best friend, would love to spend time together.. Now when ever I try or she trys to spend time together, it ends up in a fight... At this point, Im hanging on, what ever she wants Im saying OK, without having an argument. She wants to completely run my life as she wants and completely Dominate the whole relationship. She wants me to be the Puppet and listen to what ever she says. Simple Example " My Daughter needs to take her Anti-Biotics, so I said " take it before leaving home" she sayd " No, she;ll give it in the car".... If I say Black - she will say Red.. " Even if the colour is clearly Black she expects me to say Red.


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## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

I have never physically hurt my wife or raised my hand to slap her, That would exactly be the END... I have never seen my father raise his voice or Vice versa my mother. 
She was raised watching her Father beating her mother until the age of 21, until her being the eldest between 4 kids, she pushed her father to leave. 
I just hope things get better " she always tells me: that there is no way I could think of Separation no matter what reason for the Kids"


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

The kids are probably as miserable as you both are. People dont seem to realize this when they stick it out "for the kids". I was one of those kids, I know the misery.


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## lookingforsolutions (Jan 10, 2013)

What are your main fights about? Have you dealt with the issues in counseling. Have you had a kids free date lately, where you can just try to reconnect?


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Gooch78 said:


> At this point, Im hanging on, what ever she wants Im saying OK, without having an argument.


So she is arguing with herself? No matter what her problems are, you need to stop making your contribution to the communication problems your marriage is experiencing. Get a counselor if you need to. When you fix yourself you will be surprised how much smaller your wife's problems will seem.

You two have very different family backgrounds. The more you can understand the pain your wife grew up with, the better you will be able to tolerate her


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

Sometimes 'sticking it out for the kids' does more damage than if both parents separated and lived a more peaceful life.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

I too was raised in a home with an overbearing and very abusive father and a mother who was a door mat. In fact, they are still together and even though I am 45, they still try to guilt me, run my life, and get angry at me for the slightest thing.

Looking back, if my mother would have left my dad when we were kids, I would have had a much better life. My mother got pregnant with me while still in high school and her parents asked to raise me since my folks were so young. 

The thought that I could have been raised by my wonderful grandparents up at the lake makes me scream with rage. My whole childhood was fraught with fights, verbal abuse, pornography all over the house, and I walked on eggshells my whole life. 

Protect those kids at all costs. You have the power to save them from growing up in a toxic environment.


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