# problem in sex life, advice needed



## aatish (Sep 6, 2016)

hi i am aatish. i have been married for an year now. i have been facing some sex problems from last two months. two months back my wife had gone to her parent's house for around 12 days. at that time i really had trouble while sleeping. i am used to have her sleep by my side. so at that time i masturbated almost daily. when she came back, we tried to have sex but i just could not cum inside her. after a lot of thrusting, i just lost my erection. we tried several times after that but i just could not cum inside her. although then we would lie together and i cud easily climax with a hand job. i had a big exam coming up at that time, so i thought it might be due to exam stress. so i just let it be for 2 months. now that i have taken the exam, we tried again, this time i lost my erection in the beginning itself when i tried to enter. again i made her give me a handjob and its been 3 days, i am not feeling any sexual arousal. i don't know what is happening. do i need to consult a doctor or could it all be psychological. i don't know what to do. our sex life before was quite good. we would have sex daily or sometimes on alternate days. i used to get an erection as soon we cuddled. now everything is changed. can someone help me please.

regards


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If things were ok earlier, most likely it is stress, and worries about sex can increase sex, which can cause more sexual problems. 

Let her know you are stressed. Find ways to please her in bed that do not involve intercourse (hands, mouth). Enjoy intimacy without worrying about exactly what you are doing. Do not masturbate until you are able to finish with her. 


Don't forget that sex is supposed to be fun, so don't worry about it.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Yes, consult a doctor first, although it sounds like something is blocking you mentally rather than a physical or chemical issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

it's probably psychological, but there's a smaller chance it could be something physical, so a trip to the dr. like above posters.

you sound like you are probably young, so i would lean towards the stress/psychological.

keep something in mind that most people don't understand.
the physiological/mental mechanism that induces erection and ejaculation is very complex.
unlike our day to day motor skills, it is not a simple action on command.
men, in their 'manliness' are not 'machines'. there are many factors that must align correctly to produce that successful result.
when everything is working fine, we take it for granted.
when not working so well, we start to panic.

what i have found in my own experience and research, is that many (if not most?) instances of ED are transitory.
they come and go. even in young people. when i was participating in a men's forum, i was shocked at how many younger guys
suddenly went flat. before i was married, i never worried much about performance, but now i have to.

i am an older guy. i can tell you that in my own personal experience, that even in my younger days i would have occasional trouble 
getting hard or ejaculating. then, just as suddenly as it went, it would some back for weeks or months just fine.
this has gone on for most of my adult life. not even necessarily related to stress. sometimes it would even fluctuate up and down during the same week.

don't panic. get to the dr., clear any physical issues, after excluding them, maybe try an aid just to give you that boost in confidence and i 
bet you come roaring back like nothing ever happened.


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## Mike6211 (Jan 18, 2013)

aatish said:


> .. two months back my wife had gone to her parent's house for around 12 days. ...


Are you concerned about anyone your wife might have interacted with, while she was away with parents?

Is there anything that happened with you, while she was away, that you don't feel able to tell her?


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## 500yardsoffoulne (Aug 18, 2016)

Sent from my SM-G531H using Tapatalk


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## aatish (Sep 6, 2016)

j


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## aatish (Sep 6, 2016)

thank u for the reply. i also think it is psychological. i told my wife about my problem last night and that i don’t want to try for next 15 days. she was quite understanding. we were lying together and the next thing u know, my erection was back, although we didn't have sex. so i am gonna wait for a few more days before i start to panic again.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

"....do i need to consult a doctor or could it all be psychological. ..." YES! See a doctor and it is probably mental.

You might want to read up on sensate focus therapy, since you are planning a 2 week dry spell. It is a way of introducing petting, heavy petting and then intercourse in a gradual way to couples who need to relearn how to have sex with each other.

Good luck.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

The more you think about it the more it's going to mess with your head. 

The longer you wait to try again the worse it's going to be when you finally do it. 

Stop jerking off.

Get some exercise. 

Relax.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

aatish said:


> hi i am aatish. i have been married for an year now. i have been facing some sex problems from last two months. two months back my wife had gone to her parent's house for around 12 days. at that time i really had trouble while sleeping. i am used to have her sleep by my side. so at that time i masturbated almost daily. when she came back, we tried to have sex but i just could not cum inside her. after a lot of thrusting, i just lost my erection. we tried several times after that but i just could not cum inside her. although then we would lie together and i cud easily climax with a hand job. i had a big exam coming up at that time, so i thought it might be due to exam stress. so i just let it be for 2 months. now that i have taken the exam, we tried again, this time i lost my erection in the beginning itself when i tried to enter. again i made her give me a handjob and its been 3 days, i am not feeling any sexual arousal. i don't know what is happening. do i need to consult a doctor or could it all be psychological. i don't know what to do. our sex life before was quite good. we would have sex daily or sometimes on alternate days. i used to get an erection as soon we cuddled. now everything is changed. can someone help me please.
> 
> regards


No, don't see a doctor. It is obvious from your post that you are under stress. Now you are in an anxious state, and think it is something that must be "fixed".

Sympathetic nervous system: fight or flight, prime to act/react, suppress thought, inhibit metabolism and organ functions, inhibition of sexual arousal

Parasympathetic: rest and relax, lower heart rate, pronounced organ functioning, allows for arousal

You are creating a problem out of nothing. Your belief that there is a problem is activating your SNS. You now have a bit of emotional trauma associated with a lack of climaxing + vaginal intercourse. Stay away from the manual stimulation, in my opinion. Have sex when it feels right. You don't need to force it or prove to yourself that your manhood works.


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