# Sexual Buzz Kill



## DonJoseluis (Oct 22, 2017)

This is my first time writing. My wife and I have not been have se in for a while now. I get instantly turned on by her. To me she is most sexy woman to me. She is built the way I love it. Now for her on the other hand, she has expressed discontent. 

It began with I am too rough and that it hurts after we are done but to me it was when she would reach for her phone and it my hand afterwards. I purchased a liberator for our bedroom. She said that the sex was amazing on it and I have to agree, since then we have not used it. She says it?s too much work on it and that we can do all the same things on the bed. 
While on the bed, we only have 3 positions, generic missionary, cowgirl, and doggie style (doggie style is my favorite because she has a huge behind the drives me wild). I am never able to enjoy sex and exert dominance or enjoy position that would bring me pleasure. She is always saying let me get on top and I let her but when I ask for reverse cowgirl I get shot down. 

There will be time where we are only offered about 10mins to ourselves due to the kids. Our bedroom shares the living room wall. So any excuse is given, the kids are on the other side, I have to shower first, I have to brush my teeth. These are Straight buzz kills. There is no Spontaneity. 

When I expressed this to her she responded with I don?t enjoy sex anymore. It either hurts, it?s too short or too long, I too tired or I am not turned on by you. OUCH!!!! Way to cut me deep.
This is a woman that doesn?t let me go down on her. It took negotiation to let me go down on her. I feel like I have been bamboozled. She was a sexual firecracker but now, I can?t even watch her shower. She is so body Conscience. Yet I i show how I get aroused by just the thought of her and seeing her. I love her deeply and madly but I think that she has forgotten who I am.
I am sad, deeply saddened


----------



## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

Maybe she derives greater pleasure from cowgirl instead of reverse cowgirl. You got her riding you...and you complain. (that's how I would take it anyway after reading your long complaint about all things sexual *shrugs*). 

As a woman, I don't need my guy to tell me what position to get into so I can enjoy it. You want all these "changes" as in you're bored or unhappy...perhaps she gets tired of trying to please all your whims? Trust me...too much complaining when I'm ****ing is a REAL sexual buzz kill for me. 

When I'm having sex, I want some of my wishes to also be honored so I can also get off. If it becomes all about just him getting off and I'm supposed to just cum all over myself without him giving any concern for my pleasure, too, then it becomes a JOB. Yep, more buzz kill right there. 

I suspect you already know...if she actually enjoys it then it's better for you. 

I'm still trying to figure out what the real issue is? You said you find her very attractive, she's with you, has sex with you....have you tried to actually simply TALK with her about what you BOtH want?

Have you asked her if she likes reverse cowgirl?

BTW, some women really would rather give than receive when it comes to oral sex. I know I'm not alone on that part. A man's penis is always more powerful/pleasing than his little old tongue


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*IMHO, any able-bodied man or woman who won’t participate in loving oral sex with their lover doesn't really deserve a wife/husband!

Get her immediately to a good sex therapist!*


----------



## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

There's always 69- so you can both get what you want


----------



## DonJoseluis (Oct 22, 2017)

Yes, I can see where it can come across as complaining. I know she doesn?t like giving oral and I am ok with that. I love to perform oral. She has had sexual comments made about her vagina by ex?s and I am the one suffering due to those comments. 
There is a lot of sexual tension. Once she had a foul odor coming from here vagina. Yes, that is traumatic for a woman and I supported her. No intercourse without showering, pulling out so the seman doesn?t offset her ph balance. Too have sex it is always a production especially if it?s to be a mutual quickie


----------



## DonJoseluis (Oct 22, 2017)

Trust I would love nothing more to have 69 with her. I would be in heaven if she were to sit on my face.


----------



## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

DonJoseluis said:


> Yes, I can see where it can come across as complaining. I know she doesn?t like giving oral and I am ok with that. I love to perform oral. She has had sexual comments made about her vagina by ex?s and I am the one suffering due to those comments.
> There is a lot of sexual tension*. Once she had a foul odor coming from here vagina.* Yes, that is traumatic for a woman and I supported her. No intercourse without showering, pulling out so the seman doesn?t offset her ph balance. Too have sex it is always a production especially if it?s to be a mutual quickie


Did she see a doctor about that? That could be an infection and need medication.

Untreated infection isn't good for anyone.


----------



## DonJoseluis (Oct 22, 2017)

She lied about going to the doctor about it and started taking probiotics so that was a start and it worked. She has too many sexually traumatic experiences cause by other men in her life. I have never called her fat, never told her that she was unattractive, never complained about the weight gain due to our son. Yet here I am


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

VibrantWings said:


> Maybe she derives greater pleasure from cowgirl instead of reverse cowgirl. You got her riding you...and you complain. (that's how I would take it anyway after reading your long complaint about all things sexual *shrugs*).
> 
> As a woman, I don't need my guy to tell me what position to get into so I can enjoy it. You want all these "changes" as in you're bored or unhappy...perhaps she gets tired of trying to please all your whims? Trust me...too much complaining when I'm ****ing is a REAL sexual buzz kill for me.
> 
> ...


Agree with your post except the bolded. My man is a Master and gives me multiples via oral. If I wanted oral twice a day he would say yes, I'm happy with most days


----------



## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

I get you OP, you love your wife and are attracted to her and would give her 100% of yourself but she will not do the same. She holds back what she has, what you want, her sexuality her body from you. She?s giving you some but not all. You want it all, she?s your wife and you deserve it all. She?s not giving herself over to you and it?s a form of rejection and it hurts. 
I don?t think women understand this at all. Plus, if you want to do a different position or try something new, or go down on her, and she doesn?t, the desire to do those things doesn?t just go away for you. You still want to do those things and she?s the only woman in the world you want to do those things with and she?s the only woman in the world you are allowed to do those things with and she says no. It makes you resent her and that builds up. 

I?ve seen too many guys getting what they want from another woman. These guys risk their marriage and Home life for a BJ or affair with a young secretary or waitress. 

Talk to your wife OP, make it work. You have got to make her understand what your needs and desires are.


----------



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

VibrantWings said:


> I'm still trying to figure out what the real issue is?


The issue is they aren't having sex.


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Give this link to your wife, tell her :STOP viewing me the same way you view your ex's:

https://forgivenwife.com/unbearable-lessons/


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Your response to this should be something like "I am sorry you've had these traumatic encounters in your past, but I did not do it and will not suffer for someone else's transgressions.

It is your responsibility to bring a healthy self to this marriage. Failing that, you should have made your limitations clear upfront so I could make an informed decision about our future."

This irks me to no end. Common sense dictates you don't punish someone for stuff they didn't do. That is as true in personal relationships as at work.



DonJoseluis said:


> She lied about going to the doctor about it and started taking probiotics so that was a start and it worked. She has too many sexually traumatic experiences cause by other men in her life. I have never called her fat, never told her that she was unattractive, never complained about the weight gain due to our son. Yet here I am


----------

