# Tips on approaching a parent



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I'm working on an article for kids on how they can approach parents when they have something important, sensitive or embarassing to discuss (for example: sex, drugs, uncle john touched them in a private place, etc.) I've come up with the most obvious of choosing your time and not approaching them while they're cooking or otherwise busy and being honest, and a few others. 

But I was wondering, because my kids are only 7 & 9, and I am only one parent, what are some tips other parents might have for kids on how to approach their parents. There is no specific age group, I'm looking to write this so a child of any age, from old enough to read this to almost on their own, could read the tips and get some insight. 

If you would, though, please let me know how old your kids just so I have a frame of reference. 

Thanks for your help!


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

My 9yo son says, "mom I have to talk to you." At that point no matter what I'm doing gets pushed aside while I sit and listen. I tell my son that there is nothing he can't talk to me about, at anytime. We have heart to heart talks.


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

Great idea for an article to help kids!

I would suggest saying something like "I wanted to talk to you about this because I trust you." Often times parents will punish a kid for opening up, which will basically incentivize them never to open up to their parents again. Saying that they trust the parent will help that parent keep in mind that they need to listen with an open mind and not punish or judge.


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## Advocado (Feb 24, 2010)

A friend told me that her son, then aged approx 9 years, would place a red card on the mantlepiece and whenever she saw this she would know he was upset/anxious and go to talk to him at the earliest opportunity. It seemed to work for them.

With older children I think maybe they might prefer to write down their feelings and hand you a letter if a face to face approach is too much. 

I guess if all else fails, make sure your child has the telephone number of a reputable helpline for children. Hopefully the call taker there might persuade your child to speak to you direct or if not be able to give them the advice you might have given if the child had come to you in the first place. 

I'm wondering if "role play" might help too. Like get the child to act as the parent/parent as child and together act out a variety of approaches/responses to different scenarios. 

I think the bottom line is that we as parents need to watch how we react to things our children bring to us on a daily basis, but this is easier said than done. If we get too mad with them or judgmental on them with small things, when they have big/serious problems, then they won't want to approach because they have been conditioned to expect a negative response.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I remember on SuperNanny, she'd give troubled kids a chart and stick-ons with faces. If he/she was upset he would put the sad face on the chart.


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