# Feel like a bad person



## stellastar23 (Oct 5, 2012)

My ex (?) boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me (we are currently separated). It was a one night stand while he was drunk. It's sort of a big deal, but I am sure I would have been able to deal with it if I had not someone else the same night he told me he cheated. I don't really know this person. We've just had coffee twice, however, it was like love at first sight with him. I've had a lot of issues with my ex boyfriend with his "I don't know if I want to get married"..he told me wanted to get married within 2 years when we dated for 6 months, but he has dragged it on. He is 32 but he still acts like a 18 year old in most aspects. He is fighting for our relationship now, but I sort of feel like his cheating/me meeting this new guy ended our relationship. I am in a sense leaving him for someone else (me being instantly attracted to him/us getting along so well on our coffee dates may just be a fluke) and I can't shake the guilty feelings I have. What do I do?


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

How about "Be honest?" Can you do that? What, are you afraid of conflict or something? 

And I just want to clarify - he cheated on you (one night stand) and you went out and kicked-off an brand new relationship with someone you've never met before right away? Did I read that right? And you _continued_ this affair ever since, without properly breaking up with your boyfriend?

Tell your boyfriend _everything he doesn't know_. Jeez. Tell him about your relationship with this other guy, and how you feel about the relationship overall. Keeping secrets is a scummy thing to do. He can't make proper decisions if you keep information from him. He may well not even _bother_ pursuing you if he knew you were seeing someone else. If you don't want to work things out with your boyfriend, just _tell him so_.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Is he your ex or isn't he?

Are you together or not? 

Does e know you are also cheating (if you are still together w/ him--and yes going on dates with another man is cheating if you're in a relationship).

Decide what you want and go from there.

But involving third parties, as you know, doesn't resolve the central issues.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jibril said:


> How about "Be honest?" Can you do that? What, are you afraid of conflict or something?
> 
> And I just want to clarify - he cheated on you (one night stand) and you went out and kicked-off an brand new relationship with someone you've never met before right away? Did I read that right? And you _continued_ this affair ever since, without properly breaking up with your boyfriend?
> 
> Tell your boyfriend _everything he doesn't know_. Jeez. Tell him about your relationship with this other guy, and how you feel about the relationship overall. Keeping secrets is a scummy thing to do. He can't make proper decisions if you keep information from him. He may well not even _bother_ pursuing you if he knew you were seeing someone else. If you don't want to work things out with your boyfriend, just _tell him so_.


:iagree:


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

If you want to date newguy then stop stringing along xBFF.
Simply. It's the right thing to do. You feel like a bad person because you know deep down you are doing a bad thing.

If you want to wait for a while to make a final decision about BF then cut newguy now. Period. No grey areas here.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

stellastar23 said:


> My ex (?) boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me (we are currently separated). It was a one night stand while he was drunk. It's sort of a big deal, but I am sure I would have been able to deal with it if I had not someone else the same night he told me he cheated. I don't really know this person. We've just had coffee twice, however, it was like love at first sight with him. I've had a lot of issues with my ex boyfriend with his "I don't know if I want to get married"..he told me wanted to get married within 2 years when we dated for 6 months, but he has dragged it on. He is 32 but he still acts like a 18 year old in most aspects. He is fighting for our relationship now, but I sort of feel like his cheating/me meeting this new guy ended our relationship. I am in a sense leaving him for someone else (me being instantly attracted to him/us getting along so well on our coffee dates may just be a fluke) and I can't shake the guilty feelings I have. What do I do?


Lets look at the bright side. At least he cheated on you while you were going out and not while married. IMHO its time for an upgrade.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Did he have the ons while you were separated, or is it the cause of the separation? If it is the cause, then cut him loose, and be thankful you never married or had a kid. Seriously, infidelity fvcking sucks to deal with inside a marriage, and all the permanent attachments make things kind of grey. There shouldn't be any grey area, its black and white, cheating is never, ever good or beneficial. Your bf may have shown you he is willing to risk everything for a little rush of dopamine. Don't try to build a life with him, because that is no basis for a secure and happy future. 

If you were "separated" at the time of the ons, then really its none of your business, because he isn't your boyfriend then is he?


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