# I hate this day



## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

Hey all. I am sitting at my desk in full view of the large vase of long stem red and white roses, chocolates, and stuffed bear that a coworker had delivered to her this morning. It's been like that all day. A coworker flinched at me when they told me I should have flowers delivered to my wife and my response was "If I thought I would get some return on my investment, I might". My friends and coworkers are not used to that kind of attitude from me.

Neither am I. My heart is just not in it. My plan was to avoid the card and gift for my wife. Why bother trying to express what you don't feel? Then my 15 year old asked me last night if I got something for mom. So did my 12 year old. I fibbed and said I was planning on buying something today. So, at break this morning, I trekked to the local Fannie May chocolate store. I am doing my duty. Now I have to write a little note. What am I going to write?

"I really don't feel much if anything for you right now. Here's a card any way. Cheers!"

I'm beginning to hate this day. So far, unless a miracle happens when I walk through the front door tonight, this is likely going to be the worst Valentines I have ever experienced. Yesterday I saw a counselor and I'm not sure it helped. It's clear I have decisions (or one decision) to make before my outlook gets brighter. The counselor spent the majority of our time together trying to convince me that our best option is to get together with him for counseling, with the intention of trying to rekindle the flame.

I resisted that openly. My mind won't allow me to go there. Why ask for more of the same? I'm tired of pounding my head against the relational wall. The only real reason is to try, win the fight, and show my kids that it can be done. Thing is that I am pretty sure we're not going to win the fight. I have little or no hope.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You write a note that tells her you having a great day and I hope your doing the same, period.
Screw this pity crap, don't let past crap define you you are. so you have this indifference towards your wife....well why in the hell are you leting other dictate your happiness. Shake it off brother, you can make your own path, maybe you need a bigger macheti to cut through it.

Come on man, is this who you want to be? Sometime we just have to take charge and see if folks will follow us.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

In a lot of ways my happiness does depend on others -- the children and even the wife I am responsible for. I do need to consider them. I wish life were truly about my own happiness and only that. Dang it, why do I have to be dedicated to responsibility.

I get what you are saying. Action is still required. If I am going to make lemonade then make lemonade. If I am going to start over then start over.


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