# Bachelor parties...



## Therealbrighteyes

What prompted this was another thread about a husband whose wife went to one. Boundaries were crossed so I am not defending her actions. 
What puzzled me though was that so many people said that a bachelor party vs. a bachelorette party are not the same. How? 
Or maybe taking this post a different way, are these types of parties wrong for soon to be married people to have? I never understood this trend.


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## Locard

I went fishing with a bunch of my buddies, exciting stuff. That said, I have gone to some in my youth with strippers who, well, were inappropriate with me....Not my kind of party as an adult.


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## that_girl

I don't know, OP. I never understood how it's appropriate to be groping on a stripper a week before you get married. 

To me, marriage is a mindset, not a piece of paper. Sure, my husband and I got legally married, but we were married well before it was "official". 

Thankfully my husband isn't into strippers. He went to a bachelor party before he met me and is constantly teased about spending the whole time in the arcade. loll!


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## Whip Morgan

Bachelor parties can be as bad as a bachelorette party. It is definitely linked to who planned it and who is attending. In Jai's case, his wife attended a party that was planned by some very morally questionable women and a bride-to-be that crossed some serious lines herself.

Men are capable of participating in inappropriate stuff as well. In my personal experience, I've seen the bachelorette parties act more wild than bachelor groups. Just the way it happens in my hotel and my city. But it isnt dependent on gender. My BIL's party was a Red Sox game. My sister had a wine event at some restaurant (woooo, fun fun. Almost as exciting as book club...) 

What happened at the party that Jai's wife attended doesnt mean every wife/husband to be will do something wrong also. Its easy to paint them all with a broad brush. I said earlier that I have a natural aversion to the "girls night out", which I encompass bachelorette parties into. Just what I've seen. But there are certainly the groups of women who simply want to have fun, enjoy eachothers company, and celebrate a huge event in the life of a good friend. All without crossing any boundaries of inappropriate behavior.


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## Halien

It depends ...

For some, its a rite of passage. Nothing more than a good time. Considering that my sexual background was more diverse than my wife's (a touchy subject), and that she already struggled with insecurities, I had no interest in anything but marrying her. I was surprised that her zany family and friends didn't throw a wild party for her, and I wouldn't have been bothered, but she was too obsessed over the perfect wedding to take time away from planning.

Disclaimer: So, I was sleeping, but thankfully wearing clean underwear, and my friends drug me out of the bed, and into a local club that I worked in for a short while. Completely awkward to be in a packed club in my undershorts. As quickly as diplomatically possible, I snuck out and walked home 3/4 of a mile.


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## Therealbrighteyes

So when did this rite of passage become regular? For me, it just seems off that anybody would want paid half naked people on them as a way of celebrating marital bliss.


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## magnoliagal

We eloped. Neither of us were interested in anything conventional when it came to getting married. Like someone else said we were already living together and technically already in a committed relationship. Seeing half naked people was a no no.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Apparently I thread jacked my own post! How are bachelor/bachelorette parties different? So many people posted here that bachelorette parties are worse. How?


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## heartsbeating

Are they wrong? Well, that's up to the individuals/couple. Sorry brighteyes I'd already written this before seeing your question repeated, which I have no answer for. I couldn't imagine one would be worse than the other really.

My H and I had separate nights out that were completely tame and we arranged them ourselves. My night was so sweetly innocent and my friends had a great time because of it! A friend's bachelorette party at the strip club had a competition where brides competed on stage for giving the best lap-dance to the bartenders or strippers. Some of the girls removed clothes and err became very competitive. I left early to have herbal tea at home.

Maybe there should be a post-rite-of-passage where the married couple goes to a strip club together?


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

Many moons ago :moon: (<-- couldn't help myself...LOL!), my bridesmaids and friends surprised me with a stripper showing up to a bar while celebrating my last bachelorette days. It was relatively harmless, but I was so embarrassed the entire time. There were pictures to prove it, as they revealed me covering my face pretty much the whole time. Honestly, I think the whole male stripper thing is somewhat ridiculous.

On the bachelor party side of things, I have heard some pretty wild stuff. Not just gossip either. Straight from the mouths of the same girls which entertained at these parties. While in college, I worked for my aunt’s business where the patrons would sometimes be these same girls. During whatever beauty services they were getting, these girls would often spill everything about these parties. Let me just say, no matter how pretty or sexy some of these girls look, many of them are nasty! Any guy who slept with them should be concerned whether his “man member” is going to rot and fall off.

That being said, I really do not see the grandeur in having a bachelor/bachelorette party thrown for you. Years back, I felt obligated as a bridesmaid and friend to attend a few bachelorette parties. In retrospect, they were pretty mellow parties. Truthfully, if I had a spouse who felt strongly against me attending a bachelorette party, I would gladly use that as an excuse to duck out of going. It’s not that I’m a prude either. I just do not see the whole hype and excitement other individuals get from strippers. If my spouse wanted to see a naked woman do a pole dance, he should get his butt busy figuring out how to install a pole in the master bedroom. Certainly, I could figure the rest out.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> What prompted this was another thread about a husband whose wife went to one. Boundaries were crossed so I am not defending her actions.
> What puzzled me though was that so many people said that a bachelor party vs. a bachelorette party are not the same. How?
> Or maybe taking this post a different way, are these types of parties wrong for soon to be married people to have? I never understood this trend.


Bright Eyes, Are you baiting us?

Meaning you just say bachelor party and bachelorette party.

1) Optimally the couple has discussed boundaries in their relationship.

2) IMHO the boundaries would not be different for the parties than for when they are wed. That said it is what the couples agree to and are comfortable with.

I do believe in balanced boundaries. 

These parties do not have to be wild parties that put the couples boundaries to an extreme test.

BUT, one of the biggest problems I have seen is that the bride and groom have little or no say in the festivities. It is those planning the parties that instigate the problems. 

Sometimes that is what the bride and groom want becasue they can play innocent and still go wild.

Even the most innocent of bachelorette parties involve things like suck for a buck. Body shots from strangers. Scavenger hunt for items like guys boxer shorts or whatever. In the total scheme of things pretty innocent but yet you can see them go too far with the bride to be making out and being groped in a bar. Again not so wild but depending on the bondaries the groom just might get pissed. He will never know of course.

Some guys just flat hire prostitutes and have at it.

I think many women want to catch up and emulate or out do the guys. Some just go completely crazy assuming that guys have done this forever so they have the right too. So they hire male strippers ( prostitutes ) and have at it.

Now I think doing this is not a way to begin a marriage.
I think that it is not one last night of freedom. Pretty much the couple is already married. Meaning they are likely living together already or at least having sex. It is not 1890 where the guy needs to go to a prostitute the night before so he won't be too much for his virgin bride. 

There can be reasonable parties that don't cripple the marriage before it is offically launched.

The perception of the bachelorette parties as being worse as women can get very rowdy indeed. It is easier for them to get away with this behavior than men in public places. Men get thrown out or arrested for what women can do freely. 

It works both ways but if the bride to be is blowing a stripper and maybe getting banged while her husband to be is having an Xbox party with his buds then there is something out of balance.

Likewise if the bride to be spent her day at the spa and her husband to be is being ridin by a prostitute something is out of balance.

I don't know what the real risk is these days, but from a guys perspective, do you really want your first child you raise to have really been some male strippers child or some random guy in a club or bar? Probably not any reason for this to happen with all the possible remedies to this. 

It is still not unheard of for pictures to get back to the bride and groom and have it cause a quick divorce.


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## Entropy3000

heartsbreaking said:


> Are they wrong? Well, that's up to the individuals/couple. Sorry brighteyes I'd already written this before seeing your question repeated, which I have no answer for. I couldn't imagine one would be worse than the other really.
> 
> My H and I had separate nights out that were completely tame and we arranged them ourselves. My night was so sweetly innocent and my friends had a great time because of it! *A friend's bachelorette party at the strip club had a competition where brides competed on stage for giving the best lap-dance to the bartenders or strippers. Some of the girls removed clothes and err became very competitive.* I left early to have herbal tea at home.
> 
> Maybe there should be a post-rite-of-passage where the married couple goes to a strip club together?


I guess I am a prude. This would be a deal breaker for me.
My impression is that this is not so wild by 2011 standards.
I wonder how many of these turn into competition for HJs and BJs when enough alcohol is used. I kinda hope while sensational, it is really not typical but Idunno.

I know I am in the extreme minority on this forum.


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## Syrum

I think they are a bad idea for both. 

I went to some when I was younger and since my mid twenties have refused to be a part of anything where any strippers were in a attendance.


The couple I went to were very tame. However I do know of one bachelor party where the actions were so bad I would never have gone near the groom again if I was the bride.


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## heartsbeating

Entropy3000 said:


> I guess I am a prude. This would be a deal breaker for me.


what would be? the way some women act at these venues like I mentioned?

I personally found the strip-club to be a complete turn off, hence why I left early. I don't consider myself a prude, I just don't like this type of partying. This is also why I arranged my own get-together which had none of the usual elements. To each their own.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Baiting you? You told me to post my own thread!
What I am suggesting is that neither of these parties are good. One isn't worse than the other, they are just bad.


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## Entropy3000

heartsbreaking said:


> what would be? the way some women act at these venues like I mentioned?
> 
> I personally found the strip-club to be a complete turn off, hence why I left early. I don't consider myself a prude, I just don't like this type of partying. This is also why I arranged my own get-together which had none of the usual elements. To each their own.


I have no issues with what you did at all.

I am talking about the brides to be getting competitive in their lap dances with the strippers and taking off cloths. Again probably pretty tame for some of these. Keep in mind I have a vivd imagination and competitive to me can be something more than you meant.
Also it would only be a deal breaker if we agreed to a boundary that was crossed.

I don't have a problem with strippers per se as long as the couples agree on boundaries.
I generally think they should be avoided BUT a lot of folks are cool with it. It is just that female strip "shows" are one thing and male strip "shows" can be another. If lap dances are included in the guys version then they are similar.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Baiting you? You told me to post my own thread!
> What I am suggesting is that neither of these parties are good. One isn't worse than the other, they are just bad.


LOL. I totally agree with you.

You did not set any parameters around the type of party you meant. Which I think was a good idea. But is what I meant by baiting. The inclination for some is to assume that you were talking only about the raunchy type with prostitutes and strippers and so on. And you are questioning those.

But you also knew that many folks have alternative parties that are more couple friendly.

You had very relevant comment in the other thread but it was easier to be accused of hi-jacking there. So your new thread has a bit more freedom.


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## cherokee96red

This is an interesting thread for me as I am involved in planning a bachelorette party for my soon to be daughter in law. The event is being planned by me, the bride's mom, the bride and the groom, my son. They have set their boundaries for each other and as both moms will be in attendance it doesn't seem likely that anything sordid will happen.


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## heartsbeating

Entropy3000 said:


> I am talking about the brides to be getting competitive in their lap dances with the strippers and taking off cloths. Again probably pretty tame for some of these. Keep in mind I have a vivd imagination and competitive to me can be something more than you meant.


oh I just meant competitive in that they were really giving quite the professional lap-dance, some semi-naked, on stage. I didn't mean to imply they were taking it further than this. I do know some couples tell each other to go wild and do whatever they want on these nights out. It's not for me and my H, but like I said, to each their own.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> LOL. I totally agree with you.
> 
> You did not set any parameters around the type of party you meant. Which I think was a good idea. But is what I meant by baiting. The inclination for some is to assume that you were talking only about the raunchy type with prostitutes and strippers and so on. And you are questioning those.
> 
> But you also knew that many folks have alternative parties that are more couple friendly.
> 
> You had very relevant comment in the other thread but it was easier to be accused of hi-jacking there. So your new thread has a bit more freedom.


Fair enough. Yes, I was questioning hookers and strippers at a guys party but a woman having a stripper grinding on her is off limits. 

Why aren't we as a society a little more creative? I mean really, naked people? 

If I had to do mine all over again, I would go 180 mph around a track with my hair on fire. Not a Nascar fan by any stretch, it would just be a fun day.


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## Entropy3000

heartsbreaking said:


> oh I just meant competitive in that they were really giving quite the professional lap-dance, some semi-naked, on stage. I didn't mean to imply they were taking it further than this. *I do know some couples tell each other to go wild and do whatever they want on these nights out.* It's not for me and my H, but like I said, to each their own.


Right. I am all about what the couples agree to. It sounds like I am judging and maybe I am but if the couples are happy with it then fine.

If I told my bride to go wild, I have pretty much provided a blank check.

Maybe there needs to be a poll with this as one of the options:

"tell each other to go wild and do whatever they want on these nights out"

I bet that would get a good number of folks. 

I guess for me, while we married reasonably young at 23, we had all of that other crap gone from our systems and were readu for marriage.

Do you really need one more wild night? For some people the answer must be yes.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Fair enough. Yes, I was questioning hookers and strippers at a guys party but a woman having a stripper grinding on her is off limits.
> 
> Why aren't we as a society a little more creative? I mean really, naked people?
> 
> If I had to do mine all over again, *I would go 180 mph around a track with my hair on fire. *Not a Nascar fan by any stretch, it would just be a fun day.


There you go! 

You could go out to TWS and run on that track. There is the MotorSport ranch here in Cresson in the DFW area.

You are right. People are stuck in a real rut with little imagination. Lemmings. Worse than sheep.

You should start a new business planning more imaginative events for brides, grooms and couples.


It is total hypocracy for a guy to have strippers ( lap dances included ) and the woman not to.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Ahem, does TWS stand for Texas Womens Speedway or was that a typo on your end?


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Ahem, does TWS stand for Texas Womens Speedway or was that a typo on your end?


Texas World Speedway in College Station

Texas World Speedway


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## WhiteRabbit

modern day bachelor/bachelorette parties are terrible imho.

i think the safest ones are the ones without strippers/hookers/etc

Guys go camping or whatever it is that guys do. play cards over mugs of beer,go hiking,etc.

and the ladies can sip martinis by a pool somewhere or have a marathon screening of favorite romcoms that will get funnier and funnier if they decide to throw in a few margaritas.

sounds boring to most i'm sure but i think it would be great compared to the raunchy parties people are having now.


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## morituri

WhiteRabbit said:


> and the ladies can sip martinis by a pool somewhere or have a marathon screening of favorite romcoms that will get funnier and funnier if they decide to throw in a few margaritas.


That scenario can still lead to trouble especially if there are men around the pool just waiting to hit on drunk women.

At least with camping, it's pretty hard to cheat unless of course the men are into bestiality. Hmmm the critter looks mighty fine :rofl:


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## WhiteRabbit

morituri said:


> That scenario can still lead to trouble especially if there are men around the pool just waiting to hit on drunk women.
> 
> At least with camping, it's pretty hard to cheat unless of course the men are into bestiality.:rofl:


oh yikes...bambi better look out!


I mean a pool at someone's house or maybe a spa or something like that.


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## morituri

WhiteRabbit said:


> oh yikes...bambi better look out!
> 
> 
> I mean a pool at someone's house or maybe a spa or something like that.


I don't know WR, that cute little rabbit looks mighty fine.
:lol:


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## WhiteRabbit

morituri said:


> I don't know WR, that cute little rabbit looks mighty fine.
> :lol:













Bring it on.


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## Kricket

I would not attend a party with a male stripper. To be honest, I find male strippers to be humorous. I can't be turned on by it because I am laughing about it. I know I will probably be beat up for saying this, but I see strippers (men and women) as being dirty. I always imagine them having some STD or just all of the rubbing on other people is just nasty. I am not one to be pressured by friends, but if for some reason I should attend a party with one, I will assure you that if he were to stick his junk in my face, or touch me at all, I would not react in a way that would make him happy. 

I would not completely object to my husband attending a B party with a stripper under certain rules. It would have to be in a club and not in a private room and no touching at all. As far as I know, all of the B parties that my husband has attended have been drunken fishing trips and poker games. We got married so young that my husband wasn't old enough to drink. So his B party consisted of him and his friends getting drunk and that was excitment enough for him. Now it seems tame, but at the time, I was not happy about the hangover during the wedding.

I don't really understand the concept of having the whole one night of partying before you get married. So the bride-to-be or the groom-to-be want one more grand single night out, but most of the people attending and participating are most likely married. 

To me, no party can ever be worth causing a hiccup in my marriage.


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## Mom6547

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So when did this rite of passage become regular? For me, it just seems off that anybody would want paid half naked people on them as a way of celebrating marital bliss.


It is not about celebrating marital but one last hurrah of freedom before settling down with the ball and chain.


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## MrK

As soon as I saw the title of this thread on the main page, I knew who started it and I knew what she was going to say.

Are Bachelorette parties worse than the boys equivalents? Today, I'd say yes. It has been at least a decade since no normal man would tell his spouse that he is having hookers at his B party. And if he did, he'd pretty quickly realize it was a bad idea. As E3K said, the girls are now just trying to catch up. The loopholes to the fidelity portion of that "'till death do us part" vow are slowly closing, but it hasn't quite hit the B-ette parties yet. More on that in a minute. But first...

I've been to strip clubs and a bachelor party or two. In some clubs, if you touch a girls big toe you are immediately thrown out on your a.s.s. Some let you touch OUTER thighs and arms. I've NEVER seen a man touch a ladies "goodies", upper OR lower, at a club, with HANDS, let alone a mouth. There could very well be law enforcement involvement if that happens. But the girls? Did you go to cfnmtube.com yet? It appears that if all you do is touch a non-erogenous zone on one of the men you are a prude. The more you stroke the goodies, the more whoops and hollers you get. But the real fun is for the ones that will suck them. And the winner? I don't know how the boys pick her, but it's the one who sucks to the point of getting a load shot on her face. Good, wholesome fun, huh?

Now, about those loopholes. Again, to paraphrase E3K, the 1890's had brothels at the edge of town. Many of them. And they all knew the married mayor, police chief and town councilmen went there. That loophole closed a long time ago. I live in a major US city. And although there are still a few strip clubs scattered about, that big red light district in the middle of town that advertised itself with 15 foot high pictures of strippers visible to all has closed. The men's bachelor parties are now taboo, closed loophole there. The b-ette parties are next, but not yet. So yes, they are worse. Soon, when more men wake-up, the married ladies and their GNO's to meat markets will crumble as a legitimate means to infidelity as well.


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## morituri

Kricket said:


> I would not attend a party with a male stripper. To be honest, I find male strippers to be humorous. I can't be turned on by it because I am laughing about it.




























> but I see strippers (men and women) as being dirty. I always imagine them having some STD or just all of the rubbing on other people is just nasty


I'm a guy and I feel the same way. I couldn't stand the thought of touching my ex-wife after I found out she had sex with the OM, YUCK!


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## Therealbrighteyes

Lol, Morituri!


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## Kricket

LOL...Thanks for the visual Morituri!

That is how I see them...that skit from SNL must have ruined it for me. Even though Patrick Swayze is not a bad looking guy, I still found him funny dressed as a stripper and well Chris Farley goes without saying.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Kricket said:


> LOL...Thanks for the visual Morituri!
> 
> That is how I see them...that skit from SNL must have ruined it for me. Even though Patrick Swayze is not a bad looking guy, I still found him funny dressed as a stripper and well Chris Farley goes without saying.


Same here! I look at male strippers as humorous not something I lust after. Eh, that's why I don't see one as being worse than the other but that's my perspective.


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## Kricket

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Same here! I look at male strippers as humorous not something I lust after. Eh, that's why I don't see one as being worse than the other but that's my perspective.


I am glad I am not the only one.


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## Entropy3000

Mom6547 said:


> It is not about celebrating marital but one last hurrah of freedom before settling down with the ball and chain.


Yes they look at it that way. I say if you need that you are not ready. Just MHO. Marriage should not be a ball and chain. BUT, that said what has really changed from the ceremony? It is then a financial agreement. The couple has already setteld down and are cimitted to one another. No? Sure they exchange non-legally bindi vows. Syre that is significant. But lets get real. Today that commitment should be there already.

Just my opinion, but if you need that one last night. Don't get married yet.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Same here! I look at male strippers as humorous not something I lust after. Eh, that's why I don't see one as being worse than the other but that's my perspective.


I am not questining you. But women alwasy say this. Yet many are perfroming simulated sex acts and playing with men's junk.

I don't see the humor in that. Men say, that the lap dances are just good fun and mean nothing.

A male stripper is a boy toy in every sense of the word. If it is laughs you want go to a comedy club.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> I am not questining you. But women alwasy say this. Yet many are perfroming simulated sex acts and playing with men's junk.
> 
> I don't see the humor in that. Men say, that the lap dances are just good fun and mean nothing.
> 
> A male stripper is a boy toy in every sense of the word. If it is laughs you want go to a comedy club.


Don't lap dances go the same way though?


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## Kricket

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Don't lap dances go the same way though?


I agree. Isn't a lap dance a simulated sex act?


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Don't lap dances go the same way though?


Lap dances are very sexual. Sure some folks are laughing and bonding ... I suppose. It actually creeps me out when my married colleagues partake. It is not a bonding scenario to me. Yes we laugh but in a head shaking WTF way. Why is that guy F'ing up. Now if his wife is ok with it then fine.

I do see the lap dances the same as male strippers. I would have no problem with my wife "seeing" male strippers. Laughing or otherwise. It is the interaction I have a problem with.

So we are look but don't touch folks.

I don't like strip clubs. I do all I can when colleagues come to town to make sure I am driving so I can leave after the happy hour and dinner while they proceed on to the strip clubs.

When I travel to my companies corporate site, I am not in that position. I can end up at a strip club. My wife and I have talked this out. It is part of the company culture. It is not about me quitting the company. Though if this upset my wife I would find another job.

This a rare event. I know what my boundaries are and I will not cross them. I told my colleagues if they pay for anything for me I will not partake. The stripper can pocket the money for no services rendered.


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## Entropy3000

Kricket said:


> I agree. Isn't a lap dance a simulated sex act?


It is actually a sex act. Maybe not penetration. It is a tease but what goes on the VIP room is anyones guess. It is grinding on the guy and sometimes with him getting off.

I see this as cheating personally but you can understand that I feel a woman giving a guy an HJ or a BJ or even rubbing oil on him and his junk as being a level more than this. Maybe it is equivalnet to the VIP room. Anything can happen there including penetration.

Now I guess if a guy rubs his junk on a woman against her panties it is the same. If he puts his mouth on her crotch just how simulated is the sex act?

I see a big difference between the club and a private party. Bad stuff can happen in a club but there are some legal restrictions there that may mitigate certain activities. Some women can and do end up back stage and in the restrooms and at the after party and the hotel room.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> Lap dances are very sexual. Sure some folks are laughing and bonding ... I suppose. It actually creeps me out when my married colleagues partake. It is not a bonding scenario to me. Yes we laugh but in a head shaking WTF way. Why is that guy F'ing up. Now if his wife is ok with it then fine.
> 
> I do see the lap dances the same as male strippers. I would have no problem with my wife "seeing" male strippers. Laughing or otherwise. It is the interaction I have a problem with.
> 
> So we are look but don't touch folks.


That was kind of my point. One isn't worse than another. Granted, I have never been to a bachelor party but heard what happens. It isn't all sitting back and watching by a long shot either.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> That was kind of my point. One isn't worse than another. Granted, I have never been to a bachelor party but heard what happens. It isn't all sitting back and watching by a long shot either.


We agree. I do think it is easier for women to get away with more and the strippers to get away with more in public clubs.
Women get real rowdy!!!

That is why I think womens club stuff is equivalnet to lap dances.
I am stronger than the stripper. She cannot do anything I do not want her to do.

Not the same for the women.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> We agree. I do think it is easier for women to get away with more and the strippers to get away with more in public clubs.
> Women get real rowdy!!!
> 
> That is why I think womens club stuff is equivalnet to lap dances.
> I am stronger than the stripper. She cannot do anything I do not want her to do.
> 
> Not the same for the women.


That's assualt though. If someone starts touching or grabbing me against my will, it is a crime. Whole other kettle of fish.
I wasn't talking about that.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> That's assualt though. If someone starts touching or grabbing me against my will, it is a crime. Whole other kettle of fish.
> I wasn't talking about that.


I hear you but the male strippers can grab the women and toss them around into simulated sex stuff. Probably not good business and probably they only do that if they perceive the woman is open to it. Idunno. This way the women can say it happened fast and the stripper did thing they did not want done. I guess we can assume they are "skilled professionals".
This kind of thing can be seen in real peoples videos on the web. Not fantasy porn sites.
Also somewhat tame. 

I am not a woman, but at least some women like the rush of of being "taken" and maybe this plays into this fantasy in a safe manner. Idunno.

I don;t have the excuse that I was over whelmed by the stripper. Alcohol is no excuse for me either. Nor peer pressure.


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## Whip Morgan

Its easy to generalize all bachelorette/bachelor parties as wild and crazy. Has a bachelor party been linked to strippers and craziness in our culture? In the past, yes. Still today, sure. 

However, bachelorette parties aren't getting tamer, they're getting crazier. Next time anyone walks by a Spencers, take a look inside. See what "novelties" are on sale for bachelorette parties. I cant back this up with any data, but I bet that alot of these novelties for bachelorette parties weren't on sale a while ago. How long? Dont know, 10 years, 20 years?

Its possible for either a bachelor or bachelorette party to get too out of hand. Depends on the people there, and what boundaries they are willing to cross, and what they are willing to do to disrespect their future spouse. Also, certain scenarios ask for trouble. Male strippers at a private party, drunk women at a hotel pool or club. Men with female strippers at private parties, hotels, etc. 

Personally, I enjoy strip clubs on the rare occassions I go (Its true, really!). When the time comes for my turn, I want it low key. No strippers. I wouldnt do anything to disrespect my future lady, just as I expect her to not have male strippers at her party. 

Well...Brennan, if they can manage to get Tom Brady to strip, I might have to let her have that...


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Whip Morgan said:


> Its easy to generalize all bachelorette/bachelor parties as wild and crazy. Has a bachelor party been linked to strippers and craziness in our culture? In the past, yes. Still today, sure.
> 
> However, bachelorette parties aren't getting tamer, they're getting crazier. Next time anyone walks by a Spencers, take a look inside. See what "novelties" are on sale for bachelorette parties. I cant back this up with any data, but I bet that alot of these novelties for bachelorette parties weren't on sale a while ago. How long? Dont know, 10 years, 20 years?
> 
> Its possible for either a bachelor or bachelorette party to get too out of hand. Depends on the people there, and what boundaries they are willing to cross, and what they are willing to do to disrespect their future spouse. Also, certain scenarios ask for trouble. Male strippers at a private party, drunk women at a hotel pool or club. Men with female strippers at private parties, hotels, etc.
> 
> Personally, I enjoy strip clubs on the rare occassions I go (Its true, really!). When the time comes for my turn, I want it low key. No strippers. I wouldnt do anything to disrespect my future lady, just as I expect her to not have male strippers at her party.
> 
> Well...Brennan, if they can manage to get Tom Brady to strip, I might have to let her have that...


LOL! Tom Brady is the nickname I gave my husband so for a second there I thought he wants my husband to strip for his future wife?! 

:rofl: 

Phew, that's better.


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## Whip Morgan

Many a dude in the New England area loves Tom Brady, but is silently jealous of him. Whenever I'm in bar or public area watching a Patriots game, the women swoon over him. Except the long hair thing, not a lot of ladies up here dig the long hair. I dont give a damn, as long as he throws TDs. 

Oh Tom, you can land a supermodel and celebrity, but cant close the deal in the playoffs these last few years...Damn. I wonder what his bachelor party was like. So if he looks like Brady, do you have to fight the ladies off of him?

Now that I think about it, I bet lots of New England men have Brady as a man-crush...


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## Therealbrighteyes

Whip Morgan said:


> Many a dude in the New England area loves Tom Brady, but is silently jealous of him. Whenever I'm in bar or public area watching a Patriots game, the women swoon over him. Except the long hair thing, not a lot of ladies up here dig the long hair. I dont give a damn, as long as he throws TDs.
> 
> Oh Tom, you can land a supermodel and celebrity, but cant close the deal in the playoffs these last few years...Damn. I wonder what his bachelor party was like. So if he looks like Brady, do you have to fight the ladies off of him?
> 
> Now that I think about it, I bet lots of New England men have Brady as a man-crush...


Well I am NOT a Pats fan, I just call him Tom because he has been told many times that he looks like him. I'm lucky. 
I'll take your beloved Red Sox though. Love them!
Tom's bachelor party? Well he's so in love with himself that it wouldn't suprise me if he ambushed his friends with vidoes from his "perfect" season.


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## Whip Morgan

Wow. Brought up 2007. *Insert knife into heart, twist*. Back off my man Brady! Uh oh...Maybe I DO have a man-crush on Tom...I should PM Halien,MEM, and BBW to see if thats okay...

So you live in TX, love the Red Sox but hate the Patriots?


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## Therealbrighteyes

Whip Morgan said:


> Wow. Brought up 2007. *Insert knife into heart, twist*. Back off my man Brady! Uh oh...Maybe I DO have a man-crush on Tom...I should PM Halien,MEM, and BBW to see if thats okay...
> 
> So you live in TX, love the Red Sox but hate the Patriots?


Husband became a fan of the Red Sox when as a child he got to walk out on the pitching mound at Fenway. He's been a diehard fan ever since and after being married to him for nearly 18 years, the love for the Sox runs deep within me.


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## Whip Morgan

life long fan eh? When you see him, give him a high-5 for me. And make it look cool. The team is hurting right now. Hopefully they'll get healthy after the break.

I've always wanted to do a Red Sox road trip, and its finally happening this year - I'm going to Tampa Bay next week. The park in Arlington looks beautiful, hopefully next year I can go out there. Some buddies live near Dallas, so I hope it happens. For whatever reason, I do like the Rangers.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Whip Morgan said:


> life long fan eh? When you see him, give him a high-5 for me. And make it look cool. The team is hurting right now. Hopefully they'll get healthy after the break.
> 
> I've always wanted to do a Red Sox road trip, and its finally happening this year - I'm going to Tampa Bay next week. The park in Arlington looks beautiful, hopefully next year I can go out there. Some buddies live near Dallas, so I hope it happens. For whatever reason, I do like the Rangers.


Ha! Well that's what brought him to Fenway. A road trip with his godfather who took him across the country during one summer going to ball park after ball park. When he got to Fenway, it was love at first site.


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## Whip Morgan

Thats awesome. Baseball can make for many good memories with someone special. You got an anniversary comin up? Or a birthday? Imagine how awesome it would be if you two went to Foxboro to watch the Pats! In December! In the snow!

We got pretty far away from bachelorette parties.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Whip Morgan said:


> Thats awesome. Baseball can make for many good memories with someone special. You got an anniversary comin up? Or a birthday? Imagine how awesome it would be if you two went to Foxboro to watch the Pats! In December! In the snow!
> 
> We got pretty far away from bachelorette parties.


The only way I will ever go to Foxboro is if it's a playoff game and San Diego is favored to win. 
Other than that? Brady has to be naked on the field with only that little hand warmer thingy strapped around him. My fantasy. 

Hey, that could be a cool bachelorette party!


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## Grayson

Whip Morgan said:


> . The park in Arlington looks beautiful, hopefully next year I can go out there. Some buddies live near Dallas, so I hope it happens. For whatever reason, I do like the Rangers.


It is a great ballpark. I'm not a sports fan by any stretch of the imagination, but it's fun heading out to the Ballpark to watch the Rangers. But I always have to be sure I'm sitting someplace I can see the dot race.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

Whip Morgan said:


> life long fan eh? When you see him, give him a high-5 for me. And make it look cool. The team is hurting right now. Hopefully they'll get healthy after the break.
> 
> I've always wanted to do a Red Sox road trip, and its finally happening this year - I'm going to Tampa Bay next week. The park in Arlington looks beautiful, hopefully next year I can go out there. Some buddies live near Dallas, so I hope it happens. For whatever reason, I do like the Rangers.


Go Rangers !!!! Yes the Ballpark is awesome. I live pretty close to it actually.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> Go Rangers !!!! Yes the Ballpark is awesome. I live pretty close to it actually.


So we all agree then, baseball and hot naked dudes dancing around just no touching?


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## Grayson

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So we all agree then, baseball and hot naked dudes dancing around just no touching?


Can I substitute hot naked chicks in place of the dudes? ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Whip Morgan

I'll just stick with the baseball...

However, every time I go to Fenway, its like paradise. Hot girls in Red Sox gear=smokin hot. Especially on a hot day, when the few clothes they do wear is Red Sox..


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## Therealbrighteyes

Grayson said:


> Can I substitute hot naked chicks in place of the dudes? ;-)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nope, you all get this kid and it's aimed at New York....


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So we all agree then, baseball and hot naked dudes dancing around just *no touchin*g?


"as you wish" -- The Princess Bride

No touching --- Especially the d!ck

Baseball and foot long hotdogs ...


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## Entropy3000

Whip Morgan said:


> I'll just stick with the baseball...
> 
> However, every time I go to Fenway, its like paradise. Hot girls in Red Sox gear=smokin hot. Especially on a hot day, when the few clothes they do wear is Red Sox..


I used to make my GF wear a Yaz shirt to bed ...


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## Trenton

I don't like the idea for either, never wanted one. The idea of a dude in a thong dancing in my face seems gay to me (not that there's anything wrong with that). My husband would most likely enjoy it more but I'm a jealous biatch and would beat up the chicks with a whip which he would most likely enjoy even more. Yeah, nah. 

My husband was offered one by his friend and said he wasn't interested. I'm not sure if it was because he knew I'd be jealous because I most likely would have let him go and kept my jealousy to myself but I'm glad he didn't. I only found out when his best man got drunk at the reception and was making fun of him for not having one and my husband got major brownie points for that.


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## Entropy3000

Trenton said:


> I don't like the idea for either, never wanted one. The idea of a dude in a thong dancing in my face seems gay to me (not that there's anything wrong with that). My husband would most likely enjoy it more but I'm a jealous biatch and would beat up the chicks with a whip which he would most likely enjoy even more. Yeah, nah.
> 
> My husband was offered one by his friend and said he wasn't interested. I'm not sure if it was because he knew I'd be jealous because I most likely would have let him go and kept my jealousy to myself but I'm glad he didn't. I only found out when his best man got drunk at the reception and was making fun of him for not having one and my husband got major brownie points for that.


Refreshing


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## Grayson

Whip Morgan said:


> I'll just stick with the baseball...
> 
> However, every time I go to Fenway, its like paradise. Hot girls in Red Sox gear=smokin hot. Especially on a hot day, when the few clothes they do wear is Red Sox..


You just reminded me of a Rangers game when friends and I saw a girl in a tight Lucky Charms t shirt. Many "magically delicious" jokes were to be had.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trenton

Entropy3000 said:


> Refreshing


Don't make me come over there.


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## Whip Morgan

Kudos to your husband Trenton. I've had friends who were getting married that caved into peer pressure over strippers and things they felt were inappropriate.


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## Entropy3000

Trenton said:


> Don't make me come over there.


Yes mistress.


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## morituri

Whip Morgan said:


> Kudos to your husband Trenton. I've had friends who were getting married that caved into peer pressure over strippers and things they felt were inappropriate.


I also can not stand to have men who boasted to be 'family men' as friends.


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## Therealbrighteyes

I was going to let it go but then a lady posted about a bachelor party and the responses were it's harmless fun, tell him your concerns but in the end it's just fun, etc. etc.
The same was not even remotely expressed for women at bachelorette parties. Nope, not even close.
The double standards around here are just down right frightening.


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## Kobo

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I was going to let it go but then a lady posted about a bachelor party and the responses were it's harmless fun, tell him your concerns but in the end it's just fun, etc. etc.
> The same was not even remotely expressed for women at bachelorette parties. Nope, not even close.
> The double standards around here are just down right frightening.


It's not the same. Until you actually go and view the difference in interactions between men/female strippers vs women/male strippers you won't get it. It may not even be the bride to be that's doing the dirt but the allowed interactions are generally miles a part.


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## Whip Morgan

I didn't see this thread, where is it?

Anywho, I was watching an episode of "Bridezillas" two days ago (Do I lose my Man Card over this?) and the bride-to-be was in simulated sex acts with several strippers. Nothing subtle, she was essentially getting pounded. I feel bad for that groom. And she was a crazy b*tch, which is also a problem.


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## Grayson

I wouldn't call it a double standard, but perhaps a lack of knowledge.

Men have been to strip clubs with female dancers. Many women have, as well. My wife and I go once a month. We'll be going this weekend for a charity car wash benefiting an animal shelter. So, many men and women are aware of what goes on there, what is and Ian permissible, etc. For the most part, the strip club (and, by extension, the bachelor party) has been demystified.

On the other hand, I'd venture to say that not many men have been inside a male strip club. So, we only have the stereotype to go by in assessing what goes on there. That stereotype, as put forth by pop culture and online information, videos, etc is that women at a male strip club tend to be a little wilder, a little more forward than what I've seen in "regular" strip clubs. Whether that stereotype is deserved or no, I don't know...haven't witnessed it firsthand. But then, to those who've not been to a strip club, I imagine there's a similar stereotype out there.

In either case, I would defer to the expertise of those who have been to the type of establishment in question.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jai_mann

that_girl said:


> I don't know, OP. I never understood how it's appropriate to be groping on a stripper a week before you get married.
> 
> To me, marriage is a mindset, not a piece of paper. Sure, my husband and I got legally married, but we were married well before it was "official".
> 
> Thankfully my husband isn't into strippers. He went to a bachelor party before he met me and is constantly teased about spending the whole time in the arcade. loll!


It's not appropriate period. It's definitely a mindset thing which is why I posted about the bachelorette party and my fury over my wife having gone to one.

I didn't have a bachelor party. Mostly due to my chronic injury, but if I had one, I was thinking a camping trip would have been what I would have wanted. 

People who are into strippers are allowing their drives to dictate their behavior, rather than thinking.


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## jai_mann

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So when did this rite of passage become regular? For me, it just seems off that anybody would want paid half naked people on them as a way of celebrating marital bliss.


I think that's a great question. My own take is that this sort of thing clearly did not take place in the Victorian era. The 40's and 50's are likely out of the picture too. Some time after the massive psychological operation of the "60's" (free love, every thing goes, if it feels good, etc.) is when I would think this stuff started.

I believe the college greek system is heavily tied in with this. The fraternities, etc. are to this day throwing "pimp/hooker" parties which breaks down certain barriers (1-the notion that either thing is good or fun; 2- the dress attire which is acceptable in a social context).

This sort of debauchery has spread to those not involved in the greek system imho. Now, I could be wrong and it may not have started with the greek system. But it's definitely closely tied in from observation (I'm not a member of a greek society, but I know those who are and have been to their parties in the past, and I have observed things that have made their way on to the internet).


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## jai_mann

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Apparently I thread jacked my own post! How are bachelor/bachelorette parties different? So many people posted here that bachelorette parties are worse. How?


I don't know that they are different other than on an individual basis. In both cases some may have no sexual tie ins, other's apparently may involve naked people, or full blown prostitution. 

Short of a serious study assessing these issue's I really don't know that one could be deemed worse than another.

With the economy in the gutter I'm sure there are more people who would be willing to engage in sex acts for money though.


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## Entropy3000

Whip Morgan said:


> I didn't see this thread, where is it?
> 
> Anywho, I was watching an episode of "Bridezillas" two days ago (*Do I lose my Man Card over this*?) and the bride-to-be was in simulated sex acts with several strippers. Nothing subtle, she was essentially getting pounded. I feel bad for that groom. And she was a crazy b*tch, which is also a problem.


You are on double secret probation dude. 

Yes, this seems to be ok. Harmless fun. As bad as it is for a bride to be ... and it is, there seems to be an inclination to continue this behavior after marriage for some. UFB.

Even more amazing is that this would be ok to be televised. Did they interview the hubby?


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## Entropy3000

Grayson said:


> I wouldn't call it a double standard, but perhaps a lack of knowledge.
> 
> Men have been to strip clubs with female dancers. Many women have, as well. My wife and I go once a month. We'll be going this weekend for a charity car wash benefiting an animal shelter. So, many men and women are aware of what goes on there, what is and Ian permissible, etc. For the most part, the strip club (and, by extension, the bachelor party) has been demystified.
> 
> On the other hand, I'd venture to say that not many men have been inside a male strip club. So, we only have the stereotype to go by in assessing what goes on there. That stereotype, as put forth by pop culture and online information, videos, etc is that women at a male strip club tend to be a little wilder, a little more forward than what I've seen in "regular" strip clubs. Whether that stereotype is deserved or no, I don't know...haven't witnessed it firsthand. But then, to those who've not been to a strip club, I imagine there's a similar stereotype out there.
> 
> In either case, I would defer to the expertise of those who have been to the type of establishment in question.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Men are not allowed into these venues as a general rule...


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## Grayson

jai_mann said:


> People who are into strippers are allowing their drives to dictate their behavior, rather than thinking.


Or maybe...just maybe...enjoy the female form.

In the past year, I've been to a strip club more than in the previous 19 years it was legal for me to do so. Each one of those trips has been with my wife, and I've had more fun during any one of those trips than in all those previous trips combined.

As with anything, of course, YMMV.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jai_mann

Grayson said:


> Or maybe...just maybe...enjoy the female form.


That's what I was saying. They allow their drives to dictate their behavior. If they didn't enjoy it they wouldn't pursue it. I enjoy the female form, but I'm dedicating myself to one female form (wifey), and controlling myself from pursuing all female forms that look good to me.


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## Syrum

jai_mann said:


> That's what I was saying. They allow their drives to dictate their behavior. If they didn't enjoy it they wouldn't pursue it. I enjoy the female form, but I'm dedicating myself to one female form (wifey), and controlling myself from pursuing all female forms that look good to me.


Aww that is very sweet and such a good answer.

I think your wife is very lucky.  You are probably lucky too. 

I love and appreciate that my fiance does not go to strip clubs and hasn't been to one in many years. It is a non issue for us as we both agree it's inappropriate. This makes me feel that I have such an awesome fiance who really cares about me.


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## Syrum

Kobo said:


> It's not the same. Until you actually go and view the difference in interactions between men/female strippers vs women/male strippers you won't get it. It may not even be the bride to be that's doing the dirt but the allowed interactions are generally miles a part.


I've been to both places, when I was very young and from what I saw they are both bad news. IMO the men were much sleazier and the women just louder and sillier.

However I know of one bachelor party that the groom and several of his friends inserted things into the female stripper and had sex with her using a strap on. So freaking gross and beyond OK.


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## cherrypie18

I've heard they give a lap dance or make the groom lie on the floor and sit on his face??? 

Why would a man let a stripper (possibly with some kind of STD?) sit in his face?


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## Kobo

Syrum said:


> I've been to both places, when I was very young and from what I saw they are both bad news. IMO the men were much sleazier and the women just louder and sillier.
> 
> However I know of one bachelor party that the groom and several of his friends inserted things into the female stripper and had sex with her using a strap on. So freaking gross and beyond OK.


Don't know how the men can be much sleazier as the strip clubs I have been to the men can't touch the women. I've never heard of an official male strip club only that there are locations that hold the events. Did security for my friend that held these things called "shut ins". All I can say is that I hope they washed up before they saw their husbands that night. In either case if you can't trust your future spouse to behave themselves at a bachelor party then you probably shouldn't marry them at this time.


----------



## Syrum

Kobo said:


> Don't know how the men can be much sleazier as the strip clubs I have been to the men can't touch the women. I've never heard of an official male strip club only that there are locations that hold the events. Did security for my friend that held these things called "shut ins". All I can say is that I hope they washed up before they saw their husbands that night. In either case if you can't trust your future spouse to behave themselves at a bachelor party then you probably shouldn't marry them at this time.


Well I think you should be able to trust your spouse not to put themselves in compromising situations and to treat the opposite gender with respect at all times. To me this means not having anything to do with the strip clubs or strippers. I don't know why people think it's Ok to go to places like that while in a committed relationship. Even if they do not get a lap dance nor touch any one they are still using other people in a sexual manner.


----------



## Grayson

jai_mann said:


> That's what I was saying. They allow their drives to dictate their behavior. If they didn't enjoy it they wouldn't pursue it. I enjoy the female form, but I'm dedicating myself to one female form (wifey), and controlling myself from pursuing all female forms that look good to me.


And here's where our mileage may vary. I see a distinct difference between looking at and, to use your term, "pursuing." When my wife and I go to the club, I'm not "pursuing" anyone. Truth? In the little over a year we've been going regularly, I've gotten exactly one lap dance. Not all that good of one, either. But, she was a new girl and we'd struck up a fun conversation with her. She hung out with us for a while at the table (longer than normal if a dancer were "fishing" for a dance...either she genuinely was nervous and put at ease by us being casual with her or she was VERY good at working an "I'm new and nervous." angle), so when she offered one, we took her up on it. Heck, I didn't even get one when we went for my birthday last month. Had a couple dancers offer, but I politely declined.

So, no pursuit going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Anybody who has ever watched HBO or known someone who was a stripper knows happens in strip clubs. Let's not fool ourselves in to thinking that it's all looking. My point to this thread was that one isn't worse than the other. They are both bad for people in relationships.
Grayson, you go with your wife. No issue with that whatsoever. My issue was that in another thread it was made to sound like a bachelorette party was 100% worse, which I believe to be false. I have known some strippers in my life and they could tell you exactly what happens during a bachelor party and it isn't a bunch of men staring and "bonding".


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## okeydokie

there is harmless fun and then there is harmful action. i would have loved it if my soon to be wife had gone and had a blast with her friends at a male strip club for her bachrette party, as long as there was no contact and she saved it for me. i know i went to several strip clubs on my bach party but never touched nor did i ever think of touching. i think it grossly inappropriate to do anything other than look once committed to another. however, if one spouse is uncomfortable with it to any degree, that should be respected


----------



## Grayson

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Anybody who has ever watched HBO or known someone who was a stripper knows happens in strip clubs. Let's not fool ourselves in to thinking that it's all looking. My point to this thread was that one isn't worse than the other. They are both bad for people in relationships.
> Grayson, you go with your wife. No issue with that whatsoever. My issue was that in another thread it was made to sound like a bachelorette party was 100% worse, which I believe to be false. I have known some strippers in my life and they could tell you exactly what happens during a bachelor party and it isn't a bunch of men staring and "bonding".


 You'll get no argument from me that some people's behavior at a strip club - on the part of performers or patrons - is inappropriate. What I was getting at was the idea that such behavior is not necessarily the norm. At least at the club we go to, it doesn't appear to be. I will grant that, based on articles I've read about the club (even so far as one in the NY Times on this Dalllas strip club), it may indeed be an anomaly - owned and run by a woman, with a strong benefit and support system for the employees. So, perhaps it generally attracts a better behaved strata of customer than, say, the sleazy one that my MIL is a "house mom" at. (Went to that one once for - you guessed it - a bachelor party some 15+ years ago. Didn't see anything untoward happen at that bachelor party, either, but did feel like I needed to shower afterwards. But, I digress...)

In the interest of full disclosure, I've only been to two bachelor parties...the one mentioned above and my own. Mine didn't involve a strip club, not because I was unwilling or because my wife would take issue with it (we both would have been fine with it), but because the friends who joined me that night weren't interested in going. So maybe I'm ill-qualified to comment on what does and doesn't happen at a bachelor party. Based, however, on what I am able to see argue club, I would surmise that the stereotype of the bachelor party with wild, wanton sex acts between the stripper(s) and the members of the party, while having some basis in fact like most stereotypes, is not the norm.

On the other hand, I KNOW I don't have the knowledge to comment with any certainty whether or not the similar stereotype of a bachelorette party is an illustration of the norm. Aside from only knowing the stereotype, the only other info I have to go on is a local talk radio host who has done a few charity benefit nights and performed as a male stripper. He's told stories of what women have done when tipping him, but he's also long made a point of saying to never believe anything he says on the air...it may just be a bit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

okeydokie said:


> there is harmless fun and then there is harmful action. i would have loved it if my soon to be wife had gone and had a blast with her friends at a male strip club for her bachrette party, as long as there was no contact and she saved it for me. i know i went to several strip clubs on my bach party but never touched nor did i ever think of touching. i think it grossly inappropriate to do anything other than look once committed to another. however, if one spouse is uncomfortable with it to any degree, that should be respected


In general male strippers interact with the female patrons. There just is not a lot of look but don't touch. The touching goes in both directions.

Yes this happens with lap dancers for men.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

stritle said:


> bachelor parties at strip clubs are much more tame, but every single one that i have been to that is held a private venue has used escorts as dancers. there was always alot of interaction, and more than a few marriages that have followed would not have happened had the bride-to-be known what transpired the night before. not to mention all the soliciting that goes on after the dancing stops.


Exactly and ew. Did you ever feel like telling the bride to be that her soon to be husband might have an STD? :scratchhead:


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## Therealbrighteyes

Sister is overweight and doesn't deserve any husband and deserved to be cheated on by her soon to be husband??


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

stritle said:


> no, no ,no i didn't mean cow as in overweight, sorry.
> 
> she is the meanest person i have ever met
> she is exceptionally abusive towards him, and was long before they were married.
> 
> i think _everyone_ turned a blind eye due to knowledge of their marriage dynamic and just felt sorry for him (nobody was approving of his behavior, but more-so just didn't want to see him suffer any worse than what he already does/did)


Wow, interesting that he continued with the wedding if she is abusive. Every relationship is different and I am glad I am not in that situation. Having said that, if I found out that my husband had a party such as that, screwed hookers, everybody knew and covered it up/played me for a fool, the atomic bomb would look merciful compared to what I would do.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

stritle said:


> it's kind of like watching a train wreck. you want to look away but............
> 
> with how many people that know, i can't understand how she wouldn't have found out by now. (this is a small town, and it's been 4-5years already)
> but if she knew i think she'd literally kill him.


Why on Earth would anybody record this?! Blackmail?


----------



## jai_mann

Grayson said:


> And here's where our mileage may vary. I see a distinct difference between looking at and, to use your term, "pursuing." When my wife and I go to the club, I'm not "pursuing" anyone. Truth? In the little over a year we've been going regularly, I've gotten exactly one lap dance. Not all that good of one, either. But, she was a new girl and we'd struck up a fun conversation with her. She hung out with us for a while at the table (longer than normal if a dancer were "fishing" for a dance...either she genuinely was nervous and put at ease by us being casual with her or she was VERY good at working an "I'm new and nervous." angle), so when she offered one, we took her up on it. Heck, I didn't even get one when we went for my birthday last month. Had a couple dancers offer, but I politely declined.
> 
> So, no pursuit going on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When I say pursuing I actually mean attempting to come in contact with the stimulus (female form) in any manner. It might be just visual, watching as you and your wife are okay with, all the way to somatosensory, where sex and/or physical contact is involved.

I'm coming at it from a behavioral angle so the pursuit of the stimulus can be in different forms, just to clarify what I meant.


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## jai_mann

stritle said:


> nah, just a typical bachelor party till things got out of hand,
> at which point most recordings did stop and most of us went back upstairs to protect our innocent minds


It's like mob mentality. The individual behaves differently when in a crowd. They will do things that they normally wouldn't. They will also not act to stop things that they otherwise might.

It's really something that more people would benefit from becoming familiar with. I don't know how much would change though as it does seem to be hard wired into many of us to just go with the flow....


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## Entropy3000

stritle said:


> (puts on flame suit)
> that would be against guy code.
> 
> in the latest one i did feel quite responsible for what happened, but i was well behaved and he is responsible for his own actions. nobody was there to babysit him.
> 
> while i didn't organize or book anything, i financed part of the party and the multiple girls (i just handed over the $$ to the best man, not realizing he had himself a little 4 girl fantasy that he couldn't afford by himself, and used the bachelor party and other friends money to front it)
> 
> the entire party was recorded on multiple cell phones
> i showed my wife and she was quite shocked at what went on.
> she has been to a few private bachelorette parties that were in her words "fairly hands on" events, but was still shocked by this one. (she never shows me what happens......makes me wonder just how hands on they were lol)
> 
> anyway, even she didn't say a word to HER SISTER about hubbys party.
> FWIW her sister is a complete cow that doesn't deserve her husband (or any for that matter), regardless of what went down at his party.


The guy code is not as strong as the girl code. Hence why you were willing to show her what went on but she did not show you.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> The guy code is not as strong as the girl code. Hence why you were willing to show her what went on but she did not show you.


Girl code? I don't know about that Ent. Women have a tendency to blab a bit more and yeah, secrets get out. I don't think we have some universal "bro" or rather "chic" code like dudes do. 
All I know is if you want me to keep a secret about a surprise birthday party for your husband, cool. If you want me to keep a secret that you are cheating, uncool and you told the wrong person.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Girl code? I don't know about that Ent. Women have a tendency to blab a bit more and yeah, secrets get out. I don't think we have some universal "bro" or rather "chic" code like dudes do.
> All I know is if you want me to keep a secret about a surprise birthday party for your husband, cool. If you want me to keep a secret that you are cheating, uncool and you told the wrong person.


Good for you Bright Eyes!! Again, while we hear about guy this and girl that, it does boil down to people. Some folks have more character about them no matter their gender.


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## Grayson

jai_mann said:


> When I say pursuing I actually mean attempting to come in contact with the stimulus (female form) in any manner. It might be just visual, watching as you and your wife are okay with, all the way to somatosensory, where sex and/or physical contact is involved.
> 
> I'm coming at it from a behavioral angle so the pursuit of the stimulus can be in different forms, just to clarify what I meant.


That's a pretty darned broad definition of "pursuit." Using it as our benchmark, you would advocate avoiding, say, the Venus de Milo. Or, on the flip side, Michelangelo's David.

Going further, if I find, say, actress Alyson Hannigan to be attractive, should I burn my _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ DVD's and stop watching _How I Met Your Mother_? What, exactly, is wrong with acknowledging and appreciating beauty wherever and however it may be found, as long as it is not impacting negatively on one's relationship?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum

Entropy3000 said:


> Good for you Bright Eyes!! Again, while we hear about guy this and girl that, it does boil down to people. Some folks have more character about them no matter their gender.


:iagree:


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## jai_mann

Grayson said:


> That's a pretty darned broad definition of "pursuit." Using it as our benchmark, you would advocate avoiding, say, the Venus de Milo. Or, on the flip side, Michelangelo's David.
> 
> Going further, if I find, say, actress Alyson Hannigan to be attractive, should I burn my _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ DVD's and stop watching _How I Met Your Mother_? What, exactly, is wrong with acknowledging and appreciating beauty wherever and however it may be found, as long as it is not impacting negatively on one's relationship?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a behavioral definition. The intensity of the reward from the stimulus is a function of the form of pursuit. In general the strongest reward would come from somatosensory contact resulting in orgasm, while a weaker, yet still rewarding form of pursuit would be visual. There's varying degrees here. If you and your wife want to go to strip clubs then that's up to you, I'm not telling you to stop. I'm just pointing out the varying degrees of reinforcement involved with the different forms of pursuit of a stimulus.


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## Grayson

jai_mann said:


> It's a behavioral definition. The intensity of the reward from the stimulus is a function of the form of pursuit. In general the strongest reward would come from somatosensory contact resulting in orgasm, while a weaker, yet still rewarding form of pursuit would be visual. There's varying degrees here. If you and your wife want to go to strip clubs then that's up to you, I'm not telling you to stop. I'm just pointing out the varying degrees of reinforcement involved with the different forms of pursuit of a stimulus.


I'm merely trying to reconcile your overly broad definition of "pursuit" with your earlier statement:



> That's what I was saying. They allow their drives to dictate their behavior. If they didn't enjoy it they wouldn't pursue it. I enjoy the female form, but I'm dedicating myself to one female form (wifey), and controlling myself from pursuing all female forms that look good to me.


If you are limiting your "pursuit" to your wife, and define "pursuit" as even purely visual appreciation, then the logical conclusion is that you excise any and all observation of female forms that you find attractive that are not your wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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