# Are Men willingly deceived by the Female "Orgasm"



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Reading through many of the threads, I often find myself genuinely tickled, and a tad baffled, by the description of husbands about their wife's orgasm. Their almost seems to be a bit of willfull ignorance about the female body and subsequently the female orgasm. I wonder if this willful ignorance is based on the "fact" (maybe not a true fact) that many men base their pride in their sexual prowess on their ability to "make" their wife orgasm. It seems that a husband believing that his wife is orgasming from practically anything is a benefit to his psyche and a detriment to her reality. Logic seems to be sorely lacking the majority of the time and I find that to be a shame.

Moving along with that in mind...

In talking with my husband recently about porn (we both watch, and enjoy, often ), he told me that he can only enjoy porn in which the woman is into it. I asked him to show me some of his favorites and I was honestly surprised at what he considered to be "into it". While I saw a woman with nipples that were not even slightly erect, absolutely no clitoral stimulation, no oral sex on her who was clearly not into it, my husband saw a woman that was moaning, groaning and orgamsing that was clearly "into it". Perception.... I suppose.

My question I suppose, are many men genuinely uniformed about the female body/orgasm and the mechanics of such? Or is there a willfull ignorance on their part, in order to protect/boost their belief in their sexual skills?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I see what you see. It does nothing for me. 

My H sees ENTHUSIASM... whether she is getting off or not, she is enthusiastically going at the guy.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

I am aware of some physical indicators of female arousal - erect nipples (though of course cold can do that too), becoming very moist, even wet between the legs, dilated pupils - but when my wife tells me she never fakes her responses during our intimate moments I accept that without questioning it. I guess you could say we have a "don't ask, don't tell" approach. 
Since we have no problems or complaints in the bedroom, I remain blissfully unaware. If there were problems, that might be different.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My hubby tells me that I look ten years younger right after an orgasm. He does like me to yell, but that doesn't happen more than maybe 25% of the time. He can feel it when he's inside me and can tell too when he's using his fingers.

As for porn, we don't do that right now, and I have never discussed with him what kind of porn he likes, and probably never will.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> My hubby tells me that I look ten years younger right after an orgasm. He does like me to yell, but that doesn't happen more than maybe 25% of the time. He can feel it when he's inside me and can tell too when he's using his fingers.


Ah, yes, the spontaneous shriek or deep moan is always appreciated by me as well as those instant squirms or body jerks when I touch her in a certain place a certain way.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Knowing what each of you likes is important as are the honesty about what works and what doesn't. The connection and the ability to feel the moment. I say this as a person now separated from my STBXW. But our sexual chemistry was at one time, very tuned. It would be hard to fake what you've both experienced together, if you know what I mean. The flushed face, the breathing, the type of sounds, the increased rhythms, the muscle contractions - all happening at once. When you are in a relationship - I just don't see how you would fake this on a regular basis. Or why you would want to fool your partner on a regular basis. When you are in a relationship, your partner's orgasm IS a reward in a true sense as is your own orgasm. 

If somebody is regularly faking it, it really indicates that there needs to be better communication about what works.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think even some women are decievedby their own orgasm.

mostly because they lied to their husbands as not to hurt their feelings.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

aribabe said:


> My question I suppose, are many men genuinely uniformed about the female body/orgasm and the mechanics of such? Or is there a willfull ignorance on their part, in order to protect/boost their belief in their sexual skills?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know you don't believe men have a clue about women and orgasms, but your comparison really misses on a number of levels. With respect to porn, most men know it is fantasy. Your husband was not looking for the tell-tale signs of the actress being aroused, just as others don't look for the tell-tale sings of whether the Kate Winslett was truly attracted to Leonardo in Titantic. Rather, it is the show that gives that impression and allows the fantasy. Nothing more and nothing less.

That should have little to do with what he knows about you, or what a man knows about his wife's arousal. Conflating the two is misleading for many men.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> I see what you see. It does nothing for me.
> 
> My H sees ENTHUSIASM... whether she is getting off or not, she is enthusiastically going at the guy.


My fiancee has difficulty orgasming through sexual intercourse. Been this way for all of her partners, for as long back as she can remember. As such, if I took orgasm to = great sex, I'd have written myself off as a terrible lover years ago.

Conversely, every time me and my ex-wife had sex, she orgasmed. She would get hers before anything started on me, most of the time via oral stimulation. My ex-wife however rarely wanted sex (I'd ballpark our frequency at 20ish times a year, some years maybe less), so I also learned a long time ago, orgasm does not = desire and/or enjoyment for a women all the time.

Keeping those thoughts in mind, I agree with SunnyT. Enthusiasm is easier to detect for me (and harder to fake effectively I believe). I can tell when my fiancee is ok with having sex, into having sex, wanting to have sex and downright horny for sex. 

She doesn't enjoy oral sex at all (on her) and as I said, has difficulty orgasming thorugh other forms of sex, so orgasms for her during sex, or with me, aren't easy for her. She does know that I would do anything (within reason) for her though, and we have an open course of dialogue now on the issue of sex (which has improved since I started coming on TAM  yeah!). So enthusiasm is the big factor for me. If my fiancee is showing up and interested in sex, that's all I worry about. If there's anything else she wants/needs, she knows all she has to do is ask and I'll do my best to provide before she's even done speaking the words.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

OP do you not have orgasms during sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I have had occasions when I've already had like four O's and he is kind of in stall mode so I'll start forcing myself to get into it more, I wouldn't fake an O but I will increase my normal level of response and then usually I end up turning him on more, then I end up having another one. 
I usually squirt so it's hard to fake it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

I don't think men are "willingly" deceived, but based off some threads on TAM, I don't think they get a fair shake in the fact that they know their partners bodies as well as they do or say.

I know I thought it was so sweet when my H once told me some of the things I did during my orgasms that I didn't even know I did. Things that I didn't even thing he'd care about. He likes a lot of sound effects during sex, however he has always said that that doesn't fool him into believing a woman has O'd. I'm willing to bet many men feel the same.

On the flip side, when women are faking, it is going to be hard for him to learn how she truly Os.

When the unselfish lover, the one who takes his time to learn his wife's body and how she O's, is paired with an honest woman, there is no way he would ignorant to orgasms.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

i dont know that my wife has ever faked it.
maybe when we first met and were unfamiliar with each others bodies and reactions, thinking that i wouldnt know or that i just HAD to make her come...
now?
no way.
accept no substitutes lol.
i agree witht the other posters that if you know your partner, you know if they are having an orgasm.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

With my wife there are a few signs.
But,
The most obvious sign that she had a really,really big one is,
Post the "big bang orgasm",
I usually have to lift her off the bed and carry her to the bathroom to
" clean up."
Bed Sheets need changing too.
Yep,
Her legs are all trembly and wobbly for sometime.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Never. It's simply a beautiful thing to behold~ and greatly the reward for your loving efforts at bringing her pleasure!

Let's just say that if I've ever got to be situated near the epicenter of a quake, then let it be near the epicenter of that orgasmic quake of the woman that I truly love.

It's totally indescribable and just to be the perpetrator of richly bringing that quake to fruition, well let's just say that there's absolutely nothing like it in the entire world!

And although it seems like eons since I've given or seen one, it's an art of unheralded proportion that a man simply just does not forget about overnight, or even over the course of time!


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

And of course mr caribbean comes in with the best lover ever story.
Good one. 
Notice a trend?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Before I met my wife, I did not even know women had orgasms. Of course, I was 16 and she was 15 when we met. We were doing some heavy petting and I fingered her. WOW!!!! (Actually she got pregnant and we got married at 16 and 17). After 40 plus years of marriage, I think I know my wife and her orgasms. Fortunately, she is very good about telling me what she needs. And there is no mistaking when she orgasms. She moans, her body shakes...there is no way she is faking it. When I am giving her oral I put my fingers in her and massage her G spot. I can feel the contractions. AWESOME!!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Even when I wasn't into it (not in the mood) but do it anyway my wife just ends up being more demanding and never lets me go until I satisfy her. She's honest I'll give you that, too honest in this regard.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Interesting thread. *Asking people who don't know what they don't know to tell you what they know.* I think my wife would make me sound like a stud but then again maybe I dont know


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I think many people get unrealistic ideas and sexual standards from porn. 

There is no way the mass consumption of porn has not changed expectations for the worse and sex at some level for everyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

What I can't understand, OP, is why a woman would _want _to deceive her H about orgasm.

There are occasions when I'm too tired to orgasm, but that doesn't mean that I'm not as into things as my partner, and he knows this. On such occasions, things will just be more about him (a big turn on for me!) - which sort of evens things out, because most of the time his main focus seems to be about my enjoyment.

I don't know why someone would want to be dishonest with a partner during something so intensely intimate.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

TrustInUs said:


> I don't think men are "willingly" deceived, but based off some threads on TAM, I don't think they get a fair shake in the fact that they know their partners bodies as well as they do or say.
> 
> I know I thought it was so sweet when my H once told me some of the things I did during my orgasms that I didn't even know I did. Things that I didn't even thing he'd care about. He likes a lot of sound effects during sex, however he has always said that that doesn't fool him into believing a woman has O'd. I'm willing to bet many men feel the same.
> 
> ...



Very well said TrustInUs. :smthumbup: I am very in tune and notice the wonderful details of my wife's body during orgasm...it is incredible to me! I find that she has to totally relax and focus on her breathing to completely let go and have explosive orgasms. I do whatever I can to help her get there....with no pressure. Most of her orgasms come via oral sex...not thru PIV. We both understand this fact.

My wife doesn't fake it either. If her orgasm is "not there" or she is overstimulated on occasion...she will tell me, and we switch to doing something else.


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## DeepBlue (Jan 30, 2012)

In my mind, there is really no question regarding most porn being an unrealistic representation of a sexual experience especially from the woman's side. Vast majority of mass consumption porn is basically an embodiment of common male fantasies and does not even attempt to provide anything beyond a very superficial degree of realism.

All one needs to be able to identify the big O of lack of their of in their SO is careful attention to detail and lots of patience. All the signs are there.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> I see what you see. It does nothing for me.
> 
> My H sees ENTHUSIASM... whether she is getting off or not, she is enthusiastically going at the guy.


If there is enthusiasm on the woman's and even on the man's part then it shows that he or she is enjoying herself/himself which goes a long way.

For many I truely believe this is a huge turnon for most IMHO  !!!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I can be enthusiastic and still not orgasm. He knows this though. Either he's good at reading me or I'm a terrible liar. There have been times when I've wanted to fake it just to spare his feelings but nope I can't do it. He always always knows.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I can be enthusiastic and still not orgasm. He knows this though. Either he's good at reading me or I'm a terrible liar. There have been times when I've wanted to fake it just to spare his feelings but nope I can't do it. He always always knows.


He is good at reading you because he notices your details....smart man.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I was actually a bit put off by the tone of your "question", which felt a whole lot more like a broadside against the less gentle gender than it did an honest, heart-felt question, sprinkled with a whole lotta generalization. 

I don't hook up the electrodes to my wife every time we have sex so that I might confirm the reality of her orgasm. I do not believe in nearly 30 years that she has ever faked it, for many reasons, but then if she was good enough to pull it off, who would really be at fault? 

Faking an orgasm is lying to your partner. That's certainly no more or less offensive than being suckered by the lie. And for the record, most if not nearly all women in porn are quite clearly faking it.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I don't think I have ever been deceived. My wife has never been slow at telling me if she has or hasn't orgasmed. She is also not slow at telling me "there, not there" and moving my fingers, hands, mouth whatever to where she wants them to be.
She also, when having a fairly strong one will pause (if we are cowgirl) and let me feel the 'fluttering' as she knows that absolutely rocks my world to feel that.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> She is also not slow at telling me "there, not there" and moving my fingers, hands, mouth whatever to where she wants them to be.


This is the counterpoint to the OP: women who refuse to show their partner any signals about what feels good. Then after this complete lack of communication blaming the husband for not knowing what they want. 

This is the corollary to the plague of not telling your husband what you are upset about and doing weird things so that he'll "understand". 

The person to blame in most instances is the one who refuses to communicate clearly. Men are generally super straight forward with "Ung, Oooh, AHHH!" direction and being clear about how they like it. 

You have a good wife.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> I don't think I have ever been deceived. My wife has never been slow at telling me if she has or hasn't orgasmed. She is also not slow at telling me "there, not there" and moving my fingers, hands, mouth whatever to where she wants them to be.
> She also, when having a fairly strong one will pause (if we are cowgirl) and let me feel the 'fluttering' as she knows that absolutely rocks my world to feel that.


^^^
Ha ha!:smthumbup:


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> I don't think I have ever been deceived. My wife has never been slow at telling me if she has or hasn't orgasmed. She is also not slow at telling me "there, not there" and moving my fingers, hands, mouth whatever to where she wants them to be.
> She also, when having a fairly strong one will pause (if we are cowgirl) and let me feel the 'fluttering' as she knows that absolutely rocks my world to feel that.


I must say though that I have never had the scenario that Carribean Man described earlier. We have both been exhausted after a lengthy session but not just her.

I really don't know about this squirting thing, we have tried and she gets to the point where she wants to pee but I can't seem to take it further.

We have had situations where she has been exceptionally randy and she gets an OMG moment usually when riding me and I am drenched. So is that squirting?

This is one of the problems of being relatively inexperienced going into marriage. But this is why I quite like TAM as you have a wellspring of information out there.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

If only I could fake an orgasm, like all these women with their stupid husbands. Women get all the fun.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

TrustInUs said:


> When the unselfish lover, the one who takes his time to learn his wife's body and how she O's, is paired with an honest woman, there is no way he would ignorant to orgasms.


I really LIKE this comment. How very true this is..... 

Looking back, even without talking about sex, without moaning, in the dark, under the sheets -for many many years......somehow me & my husband were just so "in tune" with each others bodies....we were so quiet in bed back then...it was ridiculous. :slap: 

Yet...he just instinctively KNEW... just by feeling, in my kissing, my breathing....I have never faked an orgasm in my life ....he'd be holding out for me...and we'd ride those waves of euphoria together. I always thought to myself - how amazing, how does that always happen... 

I learned he just got me so "primed" before the fusion...and he could tell by my breathing in the dark where I was... So without any words spoken for 19 long yrs -for us... HE KNEW - every time.

My husband IS the type that wants my pleasure / My orgasm...it means everything to him, I have never looked upon this as EGO, he is one of the Least egotistical men one could find. He wants his too, but mine comes 1st....he's wired this way... I think that's pretty sweet.

He never cared to watch "man on woman" porn (till I wanted to watch in the last 4 yrs).... he only liked viewing the woman solo, no desire to see a man's willy - or oral sex on a man or anything like that... so he never had any unrealistic expectations from me. He did read many Playboy articles in his teens.... this is where he learned everything about sex... I've always felt he was an amazing Lover - knowing just HOW to touch me & bring me to the heights.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> He never cared to watch "man on woman" porn (till I wanted to watch in the last 4 yrs).... he only liked viewing the woman solo, no desire to see a man's willy - or oral sex on a man or anything like that...


That's totally me! I never did like a regular porno, does nothing for me. Now two women together or a single woman pleasing herself is beyond HOT.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> That's totally me! I never did like a regular porno, does nothing for me. Now two women together or a single woman pleasing herself is beyond HOT.


DITTO here!

Same with me [ and my wife]
Back in those days 
Two beautiful women making out,
Or one beautiful woman flying solo, always got her in the mood, and made my " job" much easier.
Hmmmmm.

Beautiful women,
My one weakness.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> DITTO here!
> 
> Same with me [ and my wife]
> Back in those days
> ...


I am exactly the same as Caribbean Man and Larry Gray...watching a woman fly solo is the best there is...the rest doesn't do anything for me.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

This is for Caribbean Man and I notice:

RON WHITE- Do You Like Porn - YouTube

(Stand up comedy act, no actual porn)

When I saw this the first time I could LMAO.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband IS the type that wants my pleasure / My orgasm...it means everything to him


I think I'm not wrong in saying most men are like that. I'm happier when she's happy. That's why A. faking is hurtful when discovered and B. the stories of selfish guys one reads here are so bewildering and upsetting.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> If only I could fake an orgasm, like all these women with their stupid husbands. Women get all the fun.


I've faked orgasms before. I was suprised I wasn't found out right away. Rather, I had to tell her years later I had faked some.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

aribabe said:


> My question I suppose, are many men genuinely uniformed about the female body/orgasm and the mechanics of such? Or is there a willfull ignorance on their part, in order to protect/boost their belief in their sexual skills?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well they say the best lies are those that a person *wants* to believe. 

Realistically though, there is a lot of conflicting information out there. Books and columns in magazines often say, 'No', a man cannot always tell, at least not with all women.

This obviously changes when a couple know each other very well.

It's also confusing when women start quibbling with other women over unusual ways they can (or have) achieved orgasm. :scratchhead:


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## Concernedconfused (Dec 3, 2012)

This is a fantastic question. I actually in my attempt to understand the female body and in my quest to make my wife sexually blissful I have seen some of the signs myself. 

When I first met my wife I was very very inexperienced, and while I could bring her to orgasm I knew I was not doing the best I could do. I figured in my mind what better knowledge to have then how to please a woman, what makes them feel good, where to touch and when. I have learned alot. 

I think that most guys (speaking for myself) do not really take the time to learn these things. They expect their wives and girlfriends to be like porn stars.

My wife and I both have promised each other to tell if we are not able to cum. We want to make sure that neither of us fake it, it does no good for our sex life as if someone has to fake it, communication is prolly not the best in the relationship. 

Moving on more to your point. There is nothing in this world that is sexier then swollen nipples and a nice swollen clit when a woman is turned on. Her breathing typically becomes heavier, pupils dilate, vagina becomes moist and visibly wet. 

One thing I have noticed when women cum their vaginas contract alot, much like a man does as well. Not only that but right before my wife has an orgasm if I am orally pleasing her I notice that her ass will contract too. 

I am much like your husband in regard to porn. If I can tell the woman is just there for a paycheck I am not interested. I have a really hard time having sex with my wife if it's just for me as well. 

I love pleasing my woman, I feel like if I am pleasing her sexually and she is completely satisfied she will not need to look elsewhere for her needs to be met. I also love to make her happy because of how much I love her and I love to see her feel good, it turns me on when she is turned on.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> This is for Caribbean Man and I notice:
> 
> RON WHITE- Do You Like Porn - YouTube
> 
> ...


:iagree:
:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

aribabe said:


> In talking with my husband recently about porn (we both watch, and enjoy, often ), he told me that he can only enjoy porn in which the woman is into it. I


My SO said exactly the same thing, and one of the clips he showed me was of a woman who was clearly in pain and was sliding around the bed to alleviate it. I couldn't believe he found that anything but repulsive.



aribabe said:


> My question I suppose, are many men genuinely uniformed about the female body/orgasm and the mechanics of such? Or is there a willfull ignorance on their part, in order to protect/boost their belief in their sexual skills?


I think when it comes to porn the ignorance is willful, as men don't really care about the actresses, just their own gratification. When it comes to real life, it seems to me that the partner has some responsibility to correct any misconceptions. He doesn't have the same parts as me, so why should I expect him to always know how they work? And yes, I might be able to fake it, but why would I want to bother?


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

My wife O's 99% of the time. Believe me, if she doesn't i will hear about it! That doesn't mean she couldn't fake it though, or that i would automatically know. After 20+ years together i am pretty good at picking up her physical cues (as others have mentioned) but honestly, there have still been times when i ask "Did you finish?" and have been surprised by the answer being yes. As far as i know, she has only faked it once, early on in our relationship to get me off and she stated later she would never do it again. Not about deceit or anything, just a why bother? It does seem silly. Now, i'm not of the opinion that "I" am the only one getting my wife off. She has as much if not more to do with it than i do. I'm easy-warm, wet, thrust, repeat-i'm good. She takes time and work (unless she is super horny). In my opinion, if she isn't in the right frame of mind, there certainly may be nothing I can do to make it happen.
As far as porn goes, i'm in the camp that likes to watch porn where the women are enjoying it. Now don't get me wrong, i don't mean "really" enjoying it, but certainly appearing that way. The porn we watch together always has that element to it. Some is better than others in that regard. And we also like amateur homemade porn where it certainly seems there is no faking.


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## opensesame (Dec 19, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I've faked orgasms before. I was suprised I wasn't found out right away. Rather, I had to tell her years later I had faked some.


I've never told a woman when I've faked it. I get the impression it wouldn't go down _at all_ well. What was her reaction?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> Originally Posted by kingsfan View
> I've faked orgasms before. I was suprised I wasn't found out right away. Rather, I had to tell her years later I had faked some.





> Opensesame: I've never told a woman when I've faked it. I get the impression it wouldn't go down at all well. What was her reaction?


How on earth does a man fake ejaculation?:scratchhead:


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## opensesame (Dec 19, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> How on earth does a man fake ejaculation?:scratchhead:


If you're wearing a condom it's no big deal to achieve, really.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

opensesame said:


> If you're wearing a condom it's no big deal to achieve, really.


Oh boy... that just made me think of the movie "40 Days and 40 Nights"!


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

opensesame said:


> I've never told a woman when I've faked it. I get the impression it wouldn't go down _at all_ well. What was her reaction?


Actually, mild surprise. She didn't know guys could fake it. She wasn't mad, since I told her I faked it in response to her telling me she had faked a couple at the very beginning of our relationship as well. 



Cosmos said:


> How on earth does a man fake ejaculation?:scratchhead:


Well, if you have a condom on it's easy to fake. That said, I didn't have one on, but we had sex and I did ejaculate. Then, we started back up again and I faked orgasms after that. For me, it takes a very long time to reach a second orgasm (I've taken two hours to get there again of steady PiV sex) so it's much easier to just fake it. Men can contract their penis' to simulate an orgasm, so it's actually pretty hard to know a guy didn't orgasm if he's already gone once before.

I faked four in one session and she didn't even know.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I have faked several times (without a condom). Not much difference from a woman’s faked ones; The right noises and muscles. Sure, she might figure it out when nothing comes out later.... then again, how many women really ‘look for it’ and have that on their radar to watch out for? It’s easy to dismiss it as just a small discharge one anyway. It’s also interesting to me for ‘why’ I fake it. Unless I have a real justifying excuse, like being totally wasted, she views the failure by me to climax as “her fault”... That sends her down the spiral of insecurity where I have to hear for a week or so about how fat she is and unattractive and _____. Better to fake it than have her self-esteem take a blow (which affects her libido, thus her willingness to have sex). 

I wish she’d adopt my philosophy that we’re all responsible for our own pleasure and be an equal under the sheets. Nothing turns me on more than her taking control and doing things for herself using me to get her there. The more she focuses on satisfying me, the less she will feel satisfied herself... that also sets her up to feel ‘used’. 

I’m not willfully ignorant of when my wife climax’s or not. I just think it takes two and isn’t my responsibility to get her there when that isn’t what she’s offered. Whether or not she fakes isn’t my concern. It’s her intent behind the sex... if she’s not doing it for herself, then she’s doing it for me; So.... I accept and just look for my own fulfilment. Her orgasm isn’t the point. If it was, she’d just take me, and do whatever it is she needs to get there.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> How on earth does a man fake ejaculation?:scratchhead:


Yes my thoughts exactly!

Without being gross and giving TMI my wife would know!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Quote: My question I suppose, are many men genuinely uniformed about the female body/orgasm and the mechanics of such? Or is there a willfull ignorance on their part, in order to protect/boost their belief in their sexual skills?
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I am uninformed. I hate to admit it, but I suppose you want truth. I relied on my partner to tell me what pleased her. I always felt she would be truthful if she wanted to have an orgasm. Besides, why would a woman marry someone if their partner is incapable of giving them an orgasm? In my case, after nearly two years of dating, it wouldn't make sense to fake and lie about it. :scratchhead:

I definitely will read more about a woman's physical responses during orgasm. I certainly could have been deceived. While the ego boost is great, I would rather _know_ I am a part of her orgasm than _think_ I am.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

My wife tried to fake a couple of times early into the relationship, but they were not convincing. I had later asked her about it and she did admit to them. She hasn't faked any ever since.
I can easily tell when she O's. That throbbing pulsation is not anything that can be faked...just not possible, at least not by her.

The other day she was caressing and rubbing my penis and balls while we were watching TV. By the time she actually gained access to bare skin, I had leaked so much pre-ejaculate, she was amazed at how much was there and asked me if I had already O'd. Of course she knew I had not, as I am not very quiet while climaxing.


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## Dulciean (Nov 18, 2012)

Question- can a man experience an orgasm without ejaculating? Just asking!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Dulciean said:


> Question- can a man experience an orgasm without ejaculating? Just asking!


Well if that is a serious question....

When I was younger I could turn around relatively quickly and 'go again' but there would be very little ejaculate.

Now as an older man I have to wait quite some hours before being ready to go again but it does mean my body has built up some reserves of semen.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Dulciean said:


> Question- can a man experience an orgasm without ejaculating? Just asking!


I only experienced this prior to puberty. When ejaculate did start, the orgasms also seemed to be more intense.

I'm 44 and have gone right back at it about 20-30 mins after the first O and there is certainly ejaculate, just not near as much and takes twice as long to get there.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Dulciean said:


> Question- can a man experience an orgasm without ejaculating? Just asking!


I sometimes don’t get “soft” after the first.... So rarely, but it has happened, I’ll have a second smaller orgasm if we continue. It feels “different” more like the contractions but a stalled “pump”...  At these times, I’m dubious that there is ejaculate. For guys... it’s like that climbing a rope thing that happens or a wet dream without the “wet part”. No idea how to explain it adequately to a woman....


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

I've know since i was young that most of the time women don't have an orgasm. I remember reading dirty magazines and sex books and once read one in which it talked about that. I knew something was up when i was in my late teens or early twenties. I knew that women are not at their sexual prime yet and would not be "into" sex until their late 20's and 30's. I mean some girls liked sex more than others when i was that age but their is no compassion to the amount of sex i got as i aged let alone with my wife and how into sex my wife is now compared to the past. She tells me herself she does not always orgasm from intercourse and that oral really gets her going. Needless to say i give her oral several times a week because of that heck i've done it a handful of times in a day before!

I know she has faked it before its ridiculous for me to assume (especially early in our relationship) that she always orgasmed. 


I think i do pretty good considering she loves to have sex and is up for it several times a week sometimes we double digit numbers. And i dont always need sex sometimes i will just enjoy going down on her for fun.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

It simple as what do woman do when they masturbate? Clitoral, clitoral, clitoral is what you will normally see. 

For my wife It's clitoral first and vaginal a very very distant second!! 

Communication is key and find out what your spouse enjoys is all that matters.


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## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

what you guys need to realize is that only 10 % of woman can have O during sex .....
im just glad to be one of them..... it has not a lot to do with the guy as long as he lasts long enough. 

it took me a while to figure it out and its all good then


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> I am uninformed. I hate to admit it, but I suppose you want truth. I relied on my partner to tell me what pleased her. I always felt she would be truthful if she wanted to have an orgasm. Besides, why would a woman marry someone if their partner is incapable of giving them an orgasm? In my case, after nearly two years of dating, it wouldn't make sense to fake and lie about it. :scratchhead:


No kidding. If she fakes it then that's her problem and her consequences. I work with information I have at hand and if my wife for example pretends that her toes curl when they really do not then IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM. 

I mean seriously, if you get off then say so. If you don't then say so. If you want better sex next time then don't lie about how great it just was. That's just common sense.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

I can usually feels my DW contraction as she O, with her hips, butt and stomach tensed. But sure she can fake it if she want to. And I could never tell. But when she had a big one, I surely could tell, because the contraction was so much that sometimes I send me over mine.
And usually she would tell me if she couldn't or didn't want one, but if she ever fake one than that's her fault.
Sometimes I could climax with just a little ejaculation, if I hold it hard enough.


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## donkey_punch (Jan 15, 2013)

My believe is that i like the feeling of causing her pleasure with my ****. Every time we have sex with penetration and i come, i always ask if she wants me to finish her off. If she doesn't wants to it means she got a good orgasm.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Dulciean said:


> Question- can a man experience an orgasm without ejaculating? Just asking!


Yes. I taught myself how to be multi-orgasmic, without ejaculating, via kegel exercises.

Very rarely do I use it. Just not worth the effort for me.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Dulciean said:


> Question- can a man experience an orgasm without ejaculating? Just asking!


Most definitely yes but you have to do your kegels to achieve it ... and from my experience, keep doing them or you will lose the ability.


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

MrAvg said:


> I do not think my wife has ever faked the big O. I know we have made love sometimes in the past and she did not have a O. That was after sons were born and she did not want oral pleasures.
> 
> My wife has only 2 times in our marriage had a vaginal orgasm. She shakes less and moved less both times, but felt a much deeper feeling than her normal oral orgasm she has told me.
> 
> ...


 The elusive vaginal O. My wife says she doesn't have vaginal orgasms either, that the clitoral orgasms are the big ones, however, recently we seemed to have broken through regarding vaginal O's , though she is holding back admitting it, so I am not sure if this is my imagination, or a power issue with my wife. 

For us, mechanically, vaginal orgasms require a harder pace to be maintained for a longer time in sync with my wife's arousal. As we thrust I can feel her tense and her vagina tightens around me; at that point if I drive it hard she seems to have vaginal orgasms, so I believe. Her vagina tightens a lot around my penis, I get even harder, and both of us are quite at the peak, then I can feel her twitching as she is silent, and then she gasps and exhales as if the tension is released. THe other night she had several of these, and gripped me tight with her arms and legs as she was super-tight around my penis, and spread her legs wider than usual. 

I thought she had strong vaginal orgasms so I asked afterwards, and she was a bit coy about it, saying yes, but they were different, not as strong as the clitoral orgasms, but good. For me they seemed much stronger as her body twitched hard, but also I am really driving it in hard (I am a bit large too), so maybe it is an involuntary physical response, and not so much intense pleasure. 

Just not sure, any woman have insight here? Am I driving her too hard and that is why she is tightening up? Would a woman lie to a man if he gave her a great orgasm, she wouldn't admit it?


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Yes. I taught myself how to be multi-orgasmic, without ejaculating, via kegel exercises.
> 
> Very rarely do I use it. Just not worth the effort for me.


Jaquen you may have some input on this but would welcome advice from others.

I have done this or something similar. I get to the point where I feel myself reaching ejaculation and can 'pinch' it off for want of a better word. But I wouldn't call it multi orgasmic as I stop it before I have the full sensation.

It is not something I do now as the few times I have done it I get an uncomfortable ache/pain/irritation in the 'tube' (urethra?) just behind my nutsack, especially noticeable the next day.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Jaquen you may have some input on this but would welcome advice from others.


Got to say I'd never heard of this and it peaked my curiosity. After reading how to do it, I doubt I'll be learning this trick. It goes against what the body wants to do naturally which is a good indicator that it may not be safe over the long haul. JMO.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Got to say I'd never heard of this and it peaked my curiosity. After reading how to do it, I doubt I'll be learning this trick. It goes against what the body wants to do naturally which is a good indicator that it may not be safe over the long haul. JMO.


Yes that was part of my concern, just wondered if the ache/irritation I get was down to faulty technique on my part or if it was a normal result.


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

goodwife4 said:


> what you guys need to realize is that only 10 % of woman can have O during sex .....
> im just glad to be one of them..... it has not a lot to do with the guy as long as he lasts long enough.
> 
> it took me a while to figure it out and its all good then


Is it the skills of your lover making you come, or are you vaginally orgasmic with most men?

What is the technique that makes it work for you? 

Sometimes I wonder if the reason why only 20% of women can have vaginal orgasms is because only 20% of men have the skills to give them to a woman.


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

Dulciean said:


> Question- can a man experience an orgasm without ejaculating? Just asking!


Yes, there is a technique whereby at the moment of ejaculation one can control the scphincter muscle from twitching thus not ejaculating, allowing for continuation of sex. 

There are extended orgasms, whereby pleasure is elongated and "rode" without climax, orgasm allowed to ebb and flow as one remains in a heightened orgasmic state. 

I have also seen porn movies where the man ejaculates and then keeps going and comes again, never loosing erection, I think everyman can do this if they are turned on enough, I have done this a few times.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Jaquen you may have some input on this but would welcome advice from others.
> 
> I have done this or something similar. I get to the point where I feel myself reaching ejaculation and can 'pinch' it off for want of a better word. But I wouldn't call it multi orgasmic as I stop it before I have the full sensation.


Yes, that sounds about right. Accept that yes, a few times I have experienced a full orgasm without the ejaculation.




WyshIknew said:


> It is not something I do now as the few times I have done it I get an uncomfortable ache/pain/irritation in the 'tube' (urethra?) just behind my nutsack, especially noticeable the next day.


No, I've never felt discomfort afterward.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Yes, that sounds about right. Accept that yes, a few times I have experienced a full orgasm without the ejaculation.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks, maybe I'm doing something wrong, perhaps pinch it off earlier or later maybe?

Trouble is I'm loath to experiment because it really is a little uncomfortable the next day.

And as Thundarr said you are intefering with what your body wants to do.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Ever-Man said:


> I have also seen porn movies where the man ejaculates and then keeps going and comes again, never loosing erection, *I think everyman can do this if they are turned on enough, I have done this a few times.*


:iagree:

I stated that this has happened with me many times before, sometime ago on TAM in response to a question a poster asked the question.
Most of the men didn't believe me.
But it is true , especially if when you are young , and you have good control of your PC muscles.
After the first orgasm , sometimes my refractory period was just a few minutes and I was ready to go again. The only problem was the second orgasm took a longer time to build.

But I think the health and fitness of a man contributes in some way to the general performance of his erections , and his ability to control the orgasmic reflexes.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I stated that this has happened with me many times before, sometime ago on TAM in response to a question a poster asked the question.
> Most of the men didn't believe me.
> ...


Yup in younger years. On occasion it was 5-10 minutes eruption#1, 45 minutes later eruption #2, and with tenacious gals 3-5 hours later for eruption #3. Never tried for a #4 as I needed electrolytes and rest. I think my body would NOT have been capable.

Of course the vast majority of the time was once or twice. Since marriage it's pretty much always once. Not really sure if I have it in me now days.


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I stated that this has happened with me many times before, sometime ago on TAM in response to a question a poster asked the question.
> Most of the men didn't believe me.
> ...


This can also be psychological, if one believes they can keep going, and just does, it can work. With viagra, especially. 

Of the thousands of porn scenes I have watched I have seen this done maybe 5 times; usually after the man leaks out semen while trying to hold back, a twice after a full moaning, spurting ejaculation.

It is interesting that I have seen sex therapists say this is impossible, but these folks are often wrong about so much regarding sex, they need to watch more porn.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Thundarr said:


> Yup in younger years. On occasion it was 5-10 minutes eruption#1, 45 minutes later eruption #2,* and with tenacious gals 3-5 hours later for eruption #3. Never tried for a #4 as I needed electrolytes and rest.* I think my body would NOT have been capable.


Haha!
Same here with me...
Especially the part with tenacious girls and the need for electrolytes to replace spent energy.


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