# Need some advice about moving



## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

So recently my Wife and I were talking about relocating. She wants to get the heck out of Texas.

So we decided Washington State would be a good place go. She has been really pushing it.

So I was like ok cool, ill start the job search and get us relocated.

Well as I expected, got some big bites and it looks like we are moving. But now all of a sudden she is having a change of heart.

I don't know what to do now. Do I keep moving forward and move the family or what.

I see this as a huge positive for the family. Texas can be a very boring place.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I have lived that brother. Doncha just hate that?


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

You better stay in Texas. WA is becoming too commie!


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Howdy Hacker,

Any kind of a move can tug at the emotions and the prospects of the work it entails – well, it’s daunting.

What’s the family situation – children, wife working or staying at home and etc.?

We’re looking at Washington as well, not to get out of Texas necessarily but rather for the sake of a paycheck. I imagine that puts us (emotionally) into a different mindset than your family. But it is a heck of a jump – socially, economically, climate and etc. 

My only observation (through my many years of wisdom) is to be successful you need something more than to be moving from one place to another just because you don’t like the place you’re currently at e.g., the people are a bunch of hippie communists or knuckle dragging ******** or whatever.

So what is the basis in your wife’s second thoughts? Outside of a move’s necessity (i.e., a paycheck), I think you (as a team) really need to look at the value proposition of the deal. How have you all come down on those details? For us the Texas upsides are: friends, family, community, schools and cost of living; Washington’s upsides are: new friends, schools, outdoor activities and culture


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## Hacker (Jul 14, 2014)

I am married with 3 kids. I am mid career level with great pay. Wife works too but is also wrapping up school to start a new career.

The problem for us in Texas, is that there really isn't all that much to do. So we are bored all the time.

But we do have some good friends here and some family, and we would be leaving them. And that is now starting to bug my Wife.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Classic human nature

"People always want things they can't have"

OR

"can't be happy no matter what"

I would tell my wife to accept and be happy with what she has.

Today it's location, tomorrow it can be YOU. 

I would be rather concerned in your shoes at this point.......people like this have very little relationship success.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Hacker said:


> I am married with 3 kids. I am mid career level with great pay. Wife works too but is also wrapping up school to start a new career.
> 
> The problem for us in Texas, is that there really isn't all that much to do. So we are bored all the time.
> 
> But we do have some good friends here and some family, and we would be leaving them. And that is now starting to bug my Wife.


Moving FAR away WITH 3 kids is a HUGE life change and a BIG commitment.

Clearly she has not thought much thru, has she?

If you do make this move, expect her to ask you to go RIGHT back to where you are now.....just a matter of time.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

It depends where you currently are in Texas, where you are going in WA, what you'll be doing, and company stability.

I've been to the Seattle area a few times for fun. Seattle itself is meh, outside areas are really nice (Bellevue). Yea the outdoors is nice and tree-y, but if you're a good ole' Country and Western guy good luck with that. Housing is mucho expensive there. Like laughably expensive.

Depending on when your kids start college, Texas wins hands down. Heck, my older girl is applying to TAMU .

Can you move to a more culturally interesting area in TX? I mean, ok, if you're in Beaumont or Houston and the such, ok, but places like San Antonio or Dallas or Austin are not exactly insignificant...


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Here's what I suggest. Find things in Washington that are complimentary to her interests. For example if she likes hiking, point out the trails that are easily accessible to where you'll live.

Find out what her career possibilities are in WA. For example, if she is a programmer, point out the technology companies in that area. Medical? Look at medical centers.

Find things that will make her WANT to relocate, things that benefit her (and the kids).


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I live in Washington State, in the Eastern deserty side, not the west of the Cascades rainy, cloudy side. West coast is beautiful for its evergreens and the Puget Sound. Seattle metro is a great area, but it is pricey. Politics are very liberal (if that matters). Lots to do and see. Traffic can get pretty bad...and parking SUCKS. Also, being higher on the hemisphere plus more cloud cover trapped between Cascades and Olympics, some people do get depressed due to less sunlight exposure during Fall/Winter months and the pervasive cold drizzle. Many newcomers have noted difficulty of getting socially acclimated in Seattle metro due to the "Seattle Freeze"...an observation that Seattle urbanites generally aren't socially open. I think they are just closed off because all of the kooks. Many people retreat into the Olympic Peninsula, but even Bremerton/Silverdale area is exploding.

Eastern Washington, the politics are a lot more conservative and not nearly as urban unless you live in Spokane which has all of the great things of a big city plus being surrounded by nature. Less crowded and less expensive than Seattle. E. Washington also has tons of wineries...but general pay is lower unless you are bringing a specialization with you. I like it out here, especially since I came from California and hate traffic and the urban pace.


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## droll (Nov 11, 2014)

If what makes your wife and your family happy stay where you are.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

What FormerSelf mentioned is about the impression I had of Washington. I once was a T-shirt that said "Seattle Rain Festival-Jan1 thru Dec 31". I read that Lewis and Clark's men almost lost their minds due to the rains of the Pacific NW.

No way would I go somewhere like that. The dryer, eastern side sounds palatable, but I wonder about the cold. Don't do cold.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I don't want you to misconstrue this advice as being for or against moving.

I would like for you to analyze your current situation, and determine what you feel is the best decision for you and your family. What I found out the hard way, is that if you try to MAKE your wife happy, you're going to be like a leaf blowing in the wind. You need to be like an oak tree, the wind blows and howls and it stays constant. Like a rock.

A woman who is miserable in Texas will be miserable in Washington. If you decide to move, it should be because it makes sense and that it's something that YOU want to do. 

The fact that you took action and now she's oscillating shows that moving was just a rationalization for her unhappiness. "I'm upset today, I'm in Texas, therefore we should move." That is how an emotional brain is wired. She's looking for you to provide the cues necessary for her, to be the rock that she can rely on when she's drowning in her emotions.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Hacker said:


> I am married with 3 kids. I am mid career level with great pay. Wife works too but is also wrapping up school to start a new career.
> 
> The problem for us in Texas, is that there really isn't all that much to do. So we are bored all the time.
> 
> But we do have some good friends here and some family, and we would be leaving them. And that is now starting to bug my Wife.


Hummm, with that said maybe you both should look at what the initial drivers were in wanting to make the move. I’d proffer that if its boredom, you’re just as likely to find yourself bored in Washington as you are in Texas and maybe what you really need is to find some deeper meaning and diversion in your life. 

We’ve lived on the Kaibab Plateau in Northern Arizona, the sandy beaches of the Caribbean and downtown Manhattan Island. Each has been equally “boring” and “exciting” in their own way. The secret is in adapting and rolling with where you are.


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