# Remember the nasty old aunt? Now I need to send a birthday card, want to be civil



## bhappy3

Well, if you recall from a previous post, I think in this family forum, I have this nasty old aunt in an assisted living home, about 35 minutes away from where I live. Sometimes she's nice and we get along great, other times she just is not. Last April or May we were on the phone, one of the many calls I initiated without reciprocation, and she started getting mouthy about me never calling her. I told her that my phone wasn't exactly ringing off the hook, either, and she flat out told me this, "Well, there are so many interesting programs on this cable television." How would you interpret that? 

I read the writing on the wall... she hasn't picked up the phone to call me in how long, and then tells me that... she doesn't even want to talk to me. So I quit calling. She's called me three times since then. One to tell me her new phone #, and that was it, she was off the phone b/c she was sitting in the sun...??? And another time on a Sunday morning at like 10 to ask me to come to a family day at her nursing home that day, in two hours! Sure, like I have absolutely nothing else to do. And then she called me on xmas eve, just to chat - but I'm sure she had alterior motives b/c she wasn't invited to turkey day with us, nor was she invited to xmas dinner with us, for the first time ever. So she spouted off again about me not calling her and I told her I read the writing on the wall, it was plain as day to me that she wanted nothing to do with me. So that ended that conversation. 

Now her birthday is coming up at the end of the month. I do think about this lady every weekend (when I used to call her b/c of free cell minutes on the weekend), but I don't want to call someone if they're never going to call me, nor if they don't even want to talk to me. So I'm definitely going to send her a birthday card and would like to put something in it like 
I'm sorry we can't get along better. or...
It's a shame circumstances have lead us to this point

I dont' know what to say!! Anyone have any advice as to what I can say and be gentle about it? I am so not good about this stuff.

This lady has never been married and has always been reclusive. She'll think nothing of completely insulting someone, yet get offended very easily. I just don't know what to do. Myself, my brother - who lives in France, and my mother who was only related to her by marriage, are the ONLY family she has. Like I said, I do think of her often, but can't bear to deal with her. After one visit my husband and I had with her, we left with our heads spinning, and vowing to never ever treat our child like that. 

Anyway, I just need to know what to put in a birthday card for her to let her know that I do think of her, but can't bear to communicate, or something like that. Help!


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## MsStacy

I wouldn't make references to any of the troubles or difficulties. I would simply find a nice birthday card. I would write something along the lines of....

"We are thinking of you and hope you have a beautiful birthday. Love, XYZ"

She's old, she's difficult and she's set in her ways. Nothing will change and bringing it up will not be constructive. Simply be nice and wish her a happy birthday!

just my 2 cents


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## mom876

:iagree: Having volunteered in nursing homes for many years, I came to expect the unexpected from some of the residents.

I wonder what I will be like when I'm as old as some of them.


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## sarah.rslp

A better card doesn't involve much effort, and for someone living in an enviroment like that, it can mean an awful lot.


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## bhappy3

Great! Thank you guys so much! I'll just let it at that, something like MsStacy put. Maybe that will prompt her to pick up the phone and call me and I won't mention again about the lack of reciprocation on the telephone. If she brings it up, I'll just ignore her. It's funny b/c she tells me that I don't talk to her. It's nothing personal, the more someone is nasty to me, the quieter I get around them. I do that to plenty of people. Guess I'll just have to sit in more silence. I just don't know how to talk to people. 

But thank you for the suggestions. I'll use them for sure! =)


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## bhappy3

BTW, if she would call me, what are some topics of conversation I could bring up? Just some idle topics?


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