# What should I do now - I have negative minded unappreciative wife



## unfortunate (Dec 23, 2013)

Hi All,
I am married for 3 years and have one year old kid. During early years, on many ocassions I was amazed how negatively she can think and looks/analyzes event from negative perspective. 
She is ambitious and looking for job. She had to migrate from her own country to live with me and I tried everything I can to settle her here. Unfortunately job market is down and looks like it will take time to get a job. But this waiting for job making her more negative. Everything I do, she thinks I am too bossy and she does not have any say in the family.
I am not miser but spendthrift and have strong control on my financial decision. But she is oppposite. She likes spending. Another problem is, she wont ever say if she needs anything. But later she will complain about it and nagging that her life is miserable and living a life like beggar. I buy her gift on birthday and marriage day. I buy takeaway dinner or eat outside atleast once a week. But I can't get the negativity and stereotype thinking out of it. 
For last 2 years, I am living a cautious life not to upset her and avoid quarrel. But it happens anyway. I am an IT person and I wanted some time for self-study to update myself. But now she is complaining that I am not giving much time to family. Whereas, its me who take the kid out after coming from office, do grocery shopping and major part of house cleaning. She complains that she does not have independece to hang around freely. But I gae her a credit card and told her to hang around to shops, travel as she likes. But she does not do it and expects me to accompany her. Whereas I want a bit of time for myself for next few weeks. 
We have stopped talking for last 7 days. 

Please share your opinion what should I do now. Should I consider separation? I think she is just waiting for a job to kick-off the family life. In the meantime, the wait is just never ending and family life is unbearable.


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## Artist (Dec 17, 2013)

I just have to point out that this situation sounds just like my Dad's at the moment. He lives in China and all of these things you are describing was happening to him, PLUS she didn't speak english fluently so it was just a nightmare. He actually told her their relationship was just "childish". 

I can't stand negativity. I am so thankful for my home, warm blankets and food on my table. I see so many homeless people and, this might sound bad, but they make me feel lucky. I think we're all lucky. Your wife should remember her blessings. She is a lucky woman with a patient husband. 

I know my husband is the negative one in our family. He always notices the bad things but overlooks anything good, or so it seems. I find myself reminding him that "hey, at least you have your dad and he loves you, even if he is a royal pain in the butt sometimes" or "yeah, our son might be a tyrant sometimes but at least he's healthy and happy." or "your job might suck and you just tolerate it on a day to day basis, but at least you have a job."

I've lived without before, as many people have, and I notice that when you remember what it was like to BE without, it's so much easier to be appreciative when you have it, whatever it may be. I don't think she can help it. I DO think she can change it. It's a habit to be that way - it's a habit to think that way. It's just like quitting smoking. It takes commitment and patience and one day at a time. 

I say just keep reminding her of her blessings. Just keep reminding her that she is a lucky woman with a lot that many people don't have. I mean, she has you, for instance. She has financial stability and family to love her. I'd say she has a pretty neat life. 

Sorry, I may have gotten a bit off track.


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