# Condom in the car



## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

I'm writing because my best friend asked me my advice on a situation that really disturbed me. 

I am good friends with her and her fiancé. They've been together for 2 years. He moved in with her about 6 months ago. 

She believes he is loyal and honest. While cleaning out his car today she found a condom. One. In a seat pocket. 

She freaked out and asked him about it. He said it fell out when he was moving and he just stuck it in there. He says it was from his previous relationship. Now she takes the pill and he has never once used a condo with her. 

He immediately got mad at her and said that he couldn't believe she was trying to find problems in their relationship. And if she's going to act like this with him ... They are done. 

She apologized and calmed down. She didn't accuse him of cheating but she certainly wanted to know wtf. 

I don't like how this is going and I love them both. But isn't this weird... How he reacted?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Funny that he remembered how it got there. Too defensive.

Too aggressive.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

If he's had the car for more than two years, my guess is maybe it was from dating another girl before her. And it sucks to find 'artefacts' from previous sexual partners.

I remember my wife finding another girl's bra in the back of my closet when we started dating. Or naked pictures of one of my ex's. Or that kind of stuff.

Honestly, I didn't even know they were there. But I was pretty defensive when she found them.

I can't even believe that she believed me that I wasn't cheating on her. Which I wasn't. 

What I was was not a cheat, what I was was a horny dating fiend who didn't really pay attention to crap random girls left in my place.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Offense is the best defense! If it did actually end up there the way he says, thats not so odd, I would remember something like that. I wouldnt have left it there though. The immediate, extreme anger is alarming though, big red flag to me. Does your friend still have the condom? She should just check the expiration date on it, they last a while so if its from more than 2 years ago, then it would be expiring soonish I would think. If its a more recent purchase, it would expire in like a handful of years.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Weirdo567 said:


> He immediately got mad at her and said that he couldn't believe she was trying to find problems in their relationship. And if she's going to act like this with him ... They are done.


That's a realllllllly bad way to deal with things. He basically said 'drop it or you're single.' Is that going to be his solution for every argument? Threaten to break up with her if she doesn't go his way? Instead of trying to understand her point of view?

I'd worry more about that style of disagreeing than I would him being a cheater. Which I'd still be worrying about, since that's a classic cheater strategy to avoid confrontation.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Well a few months ago, my husband was cleaning out our car and found a condom in the backseat. He came into the house and showed it to me, with a "babe" what is this? I ask where he got it from and he told me. So we sat and tried to figured out where it came from. The week before I had taken my son and friends to a game. So we called my son and its turns out they were handing out condoms at his school and they collected a few. And he found it in his sweater pocket and so as not to walk around with it, he put it in the seat pocket. 

My poor husband had that look in his eyes. Because I use the car daily. And I was ready for a fight to defend myself. I was pissed that he would even think that.

So, I get where the bf is pissed. It's not pleasant being accused of something when you did nothing wrong.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

When I heard "She freaked out," I immediately thought of her screaming, yelling and hurling cheating accusations at her man. Can you clarify how she asked and what you mean by "freaked out?" Out of context, I can't say if he was to aggressive or angry.


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

They were actually about to sign an offer for a house. She went into his car to try to find some paperwork for the offer. She came back in and she said she was shaking a little. She texted him that she found a condom in his car. She got very quiet and didn't say anything to him. He got mad that she "freaked out" (which isn't really freakish in my book) and he threatened also to pull out of the house deal because she was accusing him and he felt that she was going to be unstable w him now. She kissed him and told him to drop it after he explained (and defensively denied) and said let's continue. He then continued badgering her whispering that she must be capable of doing that kind of cheating since she accused him.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

With all this uncertainty maybe it best that they don't get into anything that will bind them financially. 

Tell your friend that she should never, ever buy a house or get into a financial burden with anyone who she is not married to. That is opening a whole can of worms. Bad idea. She should be happy he is looking for a way out. Which he is.


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

I think it's about control. He wanted to scare her and make her feel insecure and inferior for asking a question. This happens a lot between them. He intimates and says "we are done" everytime she even hints at a concern.
I should also mention she's left him a couple times over this behavior and he had BEGGED her back and even drove after her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Granted, I haven't used a condom in FOREVER, but aren't they stamped w/ expiration dates?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Weirdo567 said:


> I think it's about control. He wanted to scare her and make her feel insecure and inferior for asking a question. This happens a lot between them. He intimates and says "we are done" everytime she even hints at a concern.
> I should also mention she's left him a couple times over this behavior and he had BEGGED her back and even drove after her.


Aside from the expiration date thing, this was my first thought.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Weirdo567 said:


> I think it's about control. He wanted to scare her and make her feel insecure and inferior for asking a question. This happens a lot between them. He intimates and says "we are done" everytime she even hints at a concern.
> I should also mention she's left him a couple times over this behavior and he had BEGGED her back and even drove after her.


I think your friend might want to reconsider this engagement. People who are ready to be married don't threaten to jump ship at every hiccup.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> He immediately got mad at her and said that he couldn't believe she was trying to find problems in their relationship. And if she's going to act like this with him ... They are done.


This bad. Very bad.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Weirdo567 said:


> I think it's about control. He wanted to scare her and make her feel insecure and inferior for asking a question. This happens a lot between them. He intimates and says "we are done" everytime she even hints at a concern.
> I should also mention she's left him a couple times over this behavior and he had BEGGED her back and even drove after her.


If this is the case, he might have planted it himself to make her jealous and worried about losing him.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

We had a buckeye tree outside the house and when the blossoms fell there was a sticky part of the flower that would stick to your shoe and I was walking across the parking lot to the house and that day my now ex wife came in holding a condom wrapper wanting to know how it got in the house and it came down to the sticky blossom seeds and me stepping on the wrapper and I had my butt in a big time sling for it. I didn't cheat and made that clear but still it made for some serious tension in the house.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I had sex with my future husband about 6 weeks into our dating. He then went away to visit his parents. We had agreed that when he came back, I would treat him to a home cooked dinner and Birthday cake (exactly what he wanted.)

When I came over I noticed the condom at the top of the trash can. It could have been the same one..... but I decided to rise the issue. He looked me straight in the eye and said that it was the same one ( he is a bit messy) and that "if he did have a change of mind, he let me know."

What I know now (because I have scoured several of his messaging services from that period) is that he was contemplating getting back with someone he had stopped dating just a a couple of weeks before he met me (she dissed him). 

And they went on to date, he claims it was just going out for the next 2 months. 

I always ask myself what exactly made them fall apart, but that's a thread in itself. 

For you OP, I think any kind of defensive response related to a condom is not a good sign.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Weirdo567 said:


> I'm writing because my best friend asked me my advice on a situation that really disturbed me.
> 
> I am good friends with her and her fiancé. They've been together for 2 years. He moved in with her about 6 months ago.
> 
> ...


 Were done just like that??. Wow defensive or what. So its her fiance, but he can just finish with her just like that... strange that. I agree he knew straight away and was to quick to answer.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Years ago I was cleaning out the back seat of my car and found an earring. The only woman who had been in the back seat of my car was my wife (yeah, we like to fool around back there). I brought in the house, told her I found it on the floor of the back seat of my car and gave it to her.

"That's not my earring."

Ice. Cold. Temperature.

Wrack my brain trying to figure out whose earring it is. Finally figured it out. I worked with a woman who lived in a kind of tough part of the city. When we worked late I'd driver her home. Wife knew this. The back of my front seats didn't reach the seat part, leaving a 2" gap between the two. She probably dropped it on the front seat and it slid to the floor in the back seat.

Now... was my wife right to be p!ssed at me? Not really. Simple explanation took care of it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

You think he got defensive about a condom in the car, wait until she helps him move the couch and he suddenly remembers where he left his homemade girlfriend from when he was a teenager. 










OMG seriously, I was helping my girlfriend in college move into a temporary dorm room for the summer semester, and the cleaning crew had not fully cleaned out the freshman hall they were using to house summer students. I found something of this nature crammed between the bed and the wall. It was extraordinary disturbing!!! Nothing a fraternity would do, as this thing had really been used was torn to pieces. 

Odds are the condom is just the tip of the iceberg! She will find all sorts of stuff if they are about to pack up and old house/apartment and move into a new house. 

So pop some popcorn, sit back and go help them move! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I was dating a guy 10 years ago in which the relationship was clunking along. I had the feeling that he was one of those stalkerish types so I was hoping that if the relationship became so unsatisfactory, he would drop me first -- and then feel as if he were in charge. Stalkers need that high.

At one point he said "I found some earrings in my apartment. could be they be yours."

I wasn't missing any earrings so I said no. And was hoping that he was telling the truth...... ie that he was actually moving on.

My sister told me I should have said "yeah, I'm missing some. Where are they?" and see what he would do after that.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Well you both see obvious issues in that relationship, but it's also obvious she's ignoring the fact that he's a turd and is going to continue the relationship, so what's the point of even bothering? Just nod and make sympathetic noises whenever she comes to cry on your shoulder because trying to help her figure out what's wrong in her relationship is like trying to point out the elephant in the living room to the person determined to ignore it. The only thing that wakes up a person like that is when the elephant comes over and tramples on them, but by then everyone else has walked off in disgust.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

In all honesty, with the additional info u posted, OP, the condom is secondary.
His general crappy behavior is first and foremost. I would dump him.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I don't know what happened. 

Two stories as examples:

Many years ago my wife found a pack of condoms in the trunk of my car. I told her that they must have dropped out of a pack a fried of ours was carrying when we all went on a trip together. Mhich I assume was true - they were not mine - I didn't even need to do the Cinderella thing to show that they were the wrong size for me. My wife believed me and never asked again.

Just last year I got a card from a jewelry store thanking me for my purchase. The last thing I had bought there was about 6 months ago - for my wife. While they probably were just trying to remind me, it had a horrible effect. My wife thought I had bought jewelry for someone else. I think she eventually believed me, but I'm not sure. 

Trust is a funny thing.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Condom packages are dated...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When married to my ex, there were some condoms left over from after my pregnancy when we were trying to prevent another pregnancy. They were in his bedside. At one point I opened the drawer for some reason and something looked off. I could swear the wrappers were different from what we had before. The dates seemed off too. 

I then looked in his car and found condom in the glove compartment. When asked he said that they were just old ones that he'd forgotten about.

So... I took a thin point marker and numbered each condom in his car and in the bedside table. The numbers were tiny so he would not notice them. I wrote on an inventory in a note pad with stamped date and what brand each one was. And then I watched. Sure enough, new ones showed up. The moved from the bedside table to the car. Clearly he was using them.

Now one day when I was really pissed, having clearly proven that he was using them and buying new ones and the thought that he was fooling me... I took scissors and but big x's in each one... wanted to make sure that was very noticeable to ruin his fun.

I never told him that I was aware of the condom usage and that he did not fool me. Knowing it myself was all that I needed to know.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Weirdo,

Your friend finding a condom may or may not mean that he's cheating. Too bad she asked him about it.

His behavior/treatment towards her is of concern for sure.

If she's going to continue in his relationship, I suggest that she keep her eyes open. If she has access to his phone bills, she should see if there is a number that he is calling/texting all the time. 

It's called trust but verify.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

You know weirdo, I think you should really work on the problems in your hopefully soon to be over marriage. Have your friend come here and get help. Sorry, everything you are relating is from a friend venting and you are unhappy as well.

As someone on the receiving end, twice, of a half the story angry rant, I'd like to hear her version from her.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Guilty as helllllll.....


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Weirdo567 said:


> I think it's about control. He wanted to scare her and make her feel insecure and inferior for asking a question. This happens a lot between them. He intimates and says "we are done" everytime she even hints at a concern.
> I should also mention she's left him a couple times over this behavior and he had BEGGED her back and even drove after her.


These people have no business marrying each other.He's a manipulative control freak and your friend should walk away.
Buying a house with a boyfriend or fiance is not a smart choice either. 

It is hard to watch a friend be mistreated by an awful guy. I'm going through the same thing. I recently said to my best friend: "I cannot not tell you to leave your husband as that is a personal choice and I know that you want to stay for your kids. I just want to ask how long are you going to keep living this way?"


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Chris Taylor said:


> Years ago I was cleaning out the back seat of my car and found an earring. The only woman who had been in the back seat of my car was my wife (yeah, we like to fool around back there). I brought in the house, told her I found it on the floor of the back seat of my car and gave it to her.
> 
> "That's not my earring."
> 
> ...


Your wife has the right to her emotions and suspicions.

Try to give her the benefit of the doubt. 

Another woman's earring found in a husband's car would upset most wives, especially if that never happened before.


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