# Enough is Enough



## golfer6760 (Oct 8, 2017)

About 2 months ago my 17yr old Granddaughter who is a senior in HS told me she couldn't take Drivers Education cause Mom & Dad didn't have the money. So, she melts my heart again and I told her let me know when the next class starts and grandpa will pay for it. :smile2:

Last week my granddaughter flew to VA to see her boyfriend & family who moved away a couple years ago. I picked her up from the Airport from a flight that was delayed twice. It was late at night & Mom & Dad had to get up early for work the next day. My granddaughter on the way home told me she's been talking to Grandma (my second wife not granddaughters real grandma) about coming to FL with her boyfriend for school vacation week to stay with us for a few day. I said Boy, those flights are expensive school vacation week. She said I know. But she said we were thinking if you could pay for them we will both pay you back. Now how the hell can any grandpa say No!!!!!!!!. I said no problem. Talk to Mom & Dad and the same for your boyfriend. 

I also told her, don't just think you and your boyfriend are going to sit back and Grandpa & Grandma are going to do all the searching for flights. She said, No problem we will take care of it. What a good kid Huh???

Today she texts grandma and says both Mom's & Dad's said OK & they found the cheapest flights they can get for the dates they need and gave grandma all the details. Later today my wife tells me about the text. Of course I have a grin from ear to ear. My wife say's, Hey this is Bull S. She wants you to pay for Drivers Ed and now Airline Tix to FL. I'm going to tell her one or the other and you can't have both.

That was enough for me to get on my hind legs and say, who the hell are you to make decisions how I want to treat my grandchildren. It's my money not yours so how bout you mind your business. 

Well that started world war 3 and I didn't care. Was I wrong in treating my grandchildren the way I choose or should I allow a step grandmother to make the undeserving rules.

Also, FYI: both these kids work after school and weekends to pay for a lot on their own and are saving money for College. 

Let me know

Tom


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

A 17 yr old going to Florida withher boyfriend and you're not only cheering her on, but paying for it? Lol, you must be wanting great grandchildren badly. That's too young to. E taking overnight trips with a bf.

You do get to determine how your money is spent, but the kid is wrong to be taking advantage of you and you're wrong for letting her. She needs to learn that one has to earn money for expensive things. You're just teaching her how to live in debt. Of course, you know you'll never be paid back, and just want to be the hero. But I personally think you're doing her no favors in the long run doing this.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

They seem, as you say, to be responsible adolescents. I've got no problem with doing these things for your grandkids. I see it as a good thing to be able to do these few things with the kids in the time we have left. I should have been so lucky as to have a grandad and grandma, living in Florida, to visit. 

I do have a problem that you need to get into WWIII with your W. Why do you feel a need to engage in such heated arguments to defend your decisions? Do like to engage in abuse? 

When do you disengage? It takes two to argue... Once insults and name calling start, conversation over, period.

If you've had enough, here... No More Mr. Nice Guy; Dr. Robert Glover


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

I'm assuming you can afford to pay for these things? If not, then I have to side with step Grandma.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm a generous grandmother (as long as my grandchildren are responsible and work hard). My ex-husband was equally generous until he remarried and then all of that stopped. 

My feeling is that grandchildren are the most fun part of life and I enjoy doing things for them -- within reason, obviously. I don't see what you want to do as being unreasonable.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

I think that it is great that your grand kid wants to spend a week at your place. After all, our money and our properties will more than likely go to them when we die. Why not allow them to enjoy loans if we can afford to offer them that?

I think you have allowed your wife too much control for too long. If the money comes out of your pocket, then it is yours to lend or plain gift it if you want. If it is joint money, then she does have a say so in whether you guys can let the grand child borrow money or not. 

Like another poster mentioned, don't fight or argue with her; simply state what you need to say and leave. You can't argue with someone that isn't there right? If she gets back to arguing when you return, tell her you are done and if she doesn't stop, you will leave again. Remember to record all conversations with her. She will not like giving up control. She will get vicious. Don't engage!

Time to drastically change your terms of engagement with her. Treat her like a roomate and don't ever argue with her again!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If you are married then its very much your wife's business what happens to the money that you share. When you marry anything you have becomes hers and visa versa.
I think you are spoiling your granddaughter and she will go on and on coming to you and expecting you to pay for things throughout her life if you carry on. Why are you paying for her boyfriend as well anyway?

A 17 year old can use the money from her jobs to save for what she wants. She needs to learn that money doesn't grow on trees. My kids didn't learn to drive till they were working and paid for the lessons themselves. 
She wont benefit from the fact that you cant say no, and you have acted very badly towards your wife. I would never give money to someone without my husband's agreement.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I agree with your wife. The kid and her parents are taking advantage of you, and you are letting them. And no way in he'll should you pay for or encourage your gran daughter vacationing with her boyfriend, that's just nuts. 
Sounds like you are buying her love.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

VibrantWings said:


> I'm assuming you can afford to pay for these things?


Check out his other post.


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## golfer6760 (Oct 8, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> A 17 yr old going to Florida withher boyfriend and you're not only cheering her on, but paying for it? Lol, you must be wanting great grandchildren badly. That's too young to. E taking overnight trips with a bf.


Let's take a step back. They're not going alone. We're at the house during that time. Also, they're not sleeping together. I hope that clears some of the dissimilar posts up.

My granddaughters boyfriends family moved to VA when they were 15. Since the move they fly to see each other once a month. One month he flies to her house or she flies to his. They pick the long weekends or school vacation weeks. Her boyfriend has been around our family for a long time and we consider him family. They each work and save their money for these trips. Never once have they ever asked for a dime. The parents are stretched. Her boyfriends parents have 4 children and he attends a private High School. An academically brilliant kid who has a promising life ahead of him. My granddaughter also attends a private High School. She is an awarded photographer and plans to pursue the career after college. IMO these kids are on the right path for success. IMO a little award once in a while is deserving. And, if I can afford it why not. I cannot count it while I'm 6' under.

Now let's explain the finances. There are three pools of finances in our household & anything owned prior to the marriage stays with that person. We do not live the old belief what's mine is yours. We each had way too much before getting married to play that foolish game. 

When we were first married we had an account that was "Our" money. Monthly we would pitch in an amount in to the account to cover "Our" costs. The Household up north, living expenses or things that were "Our" costs throughout the years. That stopped about 7 years ago when my wife stopped working & I retired. Since then I pay for 95% of everything. 

Then we had our individual monies. I never asked what she was doing with her money and she never asked me. To date as far as her finances I know she still has all her stocks. As far as cash she has none left and uses her Part Time work monies as her blow money. Myself I still earn just as much retired as I did working. I pay for every bill for two homes. Oh for clarification I bought the second home in FL while retired. I handle all the monthly bills and spend my money as I deem fit. 

So, complaining at me how I was spending my money went up one side and down the other. 

I hope this explains and smooth's out the inconsistent reply posts to my original question.


Tom


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Interesting. So are you doing this for your granddaughter or to spite your wife?



> That was enough for me to get on my hind legs and say, who the hell are you to make decisions how I want to treat my grandchildren. It's my money not yours so how bout you mind your business.


This is quite strange unless these are not her biological grandchildren. Still, I'd be pretty angry at the disrespect regardless of their biological relation.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> If you are married then its very much your wife's business what happens to the money that you share. When you marry anything you have becomes hers and visa versa.
> I think you are spoiling your granddaughter and she will go on and on coming to you and expecting you to pay for things throughout her life if you carry on. Why are you paying for her boyfriend as well anyway?
> 
> A 17 year old can use the money from her jobs to save for what she wants. She needs to learn that money doesn't grow on trees. My kids didn't learn to drive till they were working and paid for the lessons themselves.
> She wont benefit from the fact that you cant say no, and you have acted very badly towards your wife. I would never give money to someone without my husband's agreement.


You don't say how many grandchildren you have in total. Or whether your second wife has any grandchildren. Or how much money / assets/ resources your second wife has brought into the marriage to give her standing as to how the household budget will be spent.

I just hope that your marriage does not go down in a passive aggressive rage of glory over how much you want to spend on one particular granddaughter who seems to have become a real operator.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Is it already story time again with our resident millionaire?

I can't help but think of the Walter Mitty character when I read some of the posts here. :grin2:

So at the end of your post you say, "let me know.'

Let you know WHAT? Whose right?

Grandma is. At least she recognizes a manipulative kid whose playing Granddaddy for everything she can get from him.

It ain't rocket science. Jeez.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> An academically brilliant kid who has a promising life ahead of him.


But instead of spending his time outside of class doing his homework and engaging in after school activities some of which will give him leadership experiences that the universities are looking for in their applicants, he would rather work a minimum wage job so that he fly back and forth on a monthly basis to visit a girlfriend who will either get pregnant and kill off his dreams of going to university (and beyond) or who will break up with him and make him contemplate some of the missed opportunities in high school.

And ditto for the granddaughter.


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## golfer6760 (Oct 8, 2017)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Interesting. So are you doing this for your granddaughter or to spite your wife?
> 
> This is quite strange unless these are not her biological grandchildren. Still, I'd be pretty angry at the disrespect regardless of their biological relation.


These are not her biological grandchildren


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## golfer6760 (Oct 8, 2017)

NextTimeAround said:


> You don't say how many grandchildren you have in total. Or whether your second wife has any grandchildren. Or how much money / assets/ resources your second wife has brought into the marriage to give her standing as to how the household budget will be spent.
> 
> I just hope that your marriage does not go down in a passive aggressive rage of glory over how much you want to spend on one particular granddaughter who seems to have become a real operator.


I have seven grandchildren from my two boys. The oldest has 4 and the youngest has 3. Both great dads with a great family. One is a business owner and the other works for a company. 

I'll spend whatever it takes on each of them. I told my kids already they are getting nothing when I die. It's all going to the grandkids.


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## golfer6760 (Oct 8, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Is it already story time again with our resident millionaire?


Hey I earned it. Or is this forum only for those who are effected by the scrapped critical health care subsidies?????? 

What would you like me to name you ????? the resident ????????????


Fill in the blank please

Tom


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

I don't know about most here, but grand kids at his grand daughter's age don't want to hang out at their place unless a loving relationship has been established. If the grand daughter was such a con artist, she would simply ask for the money and take off into the sunset with boyfriend at a hotel somewhere in big ole Florida. Instead she is staying with gramps. 

As to the boyfriend staying with her. I dated my X all through high school and he was always at my house and I at his. These are high school kids with limited funds we sre talking about. I am talking about the early 80s for me. Why are people being judgemental like this with these teens in this day and age? What the heck is wrong with the boyfriend visiting along with the grand daughter? Haven't we heard and done adult supervision before? Sheesh! 

And for the record, if my grand daughter needed my help with money and I could afford to help her out, I most certainly would as many grand parents do. Especially if the kid is doing as well for herself as his grand dsughter is doing. I am one of those grand parents that spoil her grand kids to death. So do their other grand psrents by the way. 

Maybe some of you that think his grand daughter is taking advantage of him, haven't been blessed with grand children yet or don't enjoy the fruit of your parenting labor like you should. 

Grand children are to purely enjoy fully. Spoiling them with everything including a ton of love and attention is a must! They are your baby's babies but now without the overwhelming responsibilities and worries that came along when our kids were born. That part of child rearing is on your kids and not on you anymore. :grin2:


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I take it you have wife #3 all lined up?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> I take it you have wife #3 all lined up?



I don't think divorce is in his plans, so no Mrs. #3 for him from what he has shared. Maybe mistress #1 may be in his near horizon though.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Bibi1031 said:


> I don't think divorce is in his plans, so no Mrs. #3 for him from what he has shared. Maybe mistress #1 may be in his near horizon though.


Divorce may not be in his plans; but, if he keeps talking to wife that way she may have other ideas.


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## a_mister (Aug 23, 2017)

golfer6760 said:


> Now how the hell can any grandpa say No!!!!!!!!


Your inability to tell people in your life 'no' and make it stick has been a recurring theme.



golfer6760 said:


> Hey I earned it.


You did, and you've got a wife who, whether you respect her lifestyle or not, is still your wife and has at least some stake in what happens to it. If you don't want her involved in your business, you'll need that divorce lawyer, and I'd suggest you strike first before your wife takes measures to siphon off what you believe is "your" cash. Good luck getting the court to compel her to divide the cash she hides in her new boyfriend's shed.

Otherwise, you're going to need to figure out a way to get along until death do you part.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You know, it's called spoiling for a reason. Kids turn out "spoiled" when you spoil them.
The grandkid doesn't "need" money for a Florida trip. If she wants to come see grandma, she can. She doesn't need boyfriend. If she wants to hang out on the beach with her boyfriend at 17 with zero supervision on grandpas dime, that's another.

OP, if you decide to do whatever you want to with your money, your wife is going to divorce you and take at least half of it. Remember, you're the one losing here with divorce. She.can rape you in a divorce and her nasty friends have probably informed her of such.
So be careful about giving away all "her" money. She won't go for that crap. 😁


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Seven years of building up resentment both ways is taking its toll on this relationship. The bitter disrespect is evident both ways. 
That is No way to live IMO. Someone is gonna break the "status quo" with a form of "the speech". I suspect it won't be OP.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Another piece of this equation that has not been spoken about is how do the parents feel about their teenage daughter and her monthly visits to her boyfriend out of state. 

Do the parents appreciate the grandfather overriding the parents' wishes. Of course, one paent is his son and th other, well, she just recently joined his family just like his second wife.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The kid has money, therefore he gets special priveleges with the daughter that most other dads would freak over..... at least I would. 
Supervised? Laughable.

OP telling his wife that does whatever she wants, how it's going to be with the money?
Laughable.

He's a millionaire, but is stuck with a wife who not only runs over him, but gives him no sec and basically laughs in his face. Heck, I'd rather be living with just enough to get by...

And why the "my kids aren't getting a dime"????
That's a pretty bad attitude, I think. Whether they are wealthy or not, to tell them they're not getting anything?

This whole thing reeks of disrespect from all sides.

And a child from a wealthy upbringing that flies to see bf once a month asking for vacation money for not only her, but her bf, from grandad so she can spend time with her grandma? Her parents should be livid. 

I'm over and out on this thread. There's no explaining away facts. OP, you really should try to figure out why you're purposefully doing things you know aren't right, just to spite your wife. I guess money is the only thing you have any authority whatsoever over, so you're going to ignore reason. Your wife is right. You shouldn't allow your granddaughter to do this. Your kids shouldn't allow her to accept it, either.


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## golfer6760 (Oct 8, 2017)

*Evinrude58

And why the "my kids aren't getting a dime"????
That's a pretty bad attitude, I think. Whether they are wealthy or not, to tell them they're not getting anything?*

It's a joke :-o You are way tooooo serious. You gotta lighten up.

*BiBi1031

And for the record, if my grand daughter needed my help with money and I could afford to help her out, I most certainly would as many grand parents do. Especially if the kid is doing as well for herself as his grand dsughter is doing. I am one of those grand parents that spoil her grand kids to death. So do their other grand psrents by the way. 

Maybe some of you that think his grand daughter is taking advantage of him, haven't been blessed with grand children yet or don't enjoy the fruit of your parenting labor like you should. 
*

Thank You. I'm doing what most loving grandparents would do if possible. You are right about some of the posters on this forum either blew it in life or never got to know their kids or grandkids. 
I've noticed this forum is very Pro Divorce. 

_*Blondilocks

I take it you have wife #3 all lined up? 
*_

What are you Nuckin Futs.
You actually respond to people on this forum thinking you are sharing constructive criticism or advice. Lord help us all :-o

*a_mister

You did, and you've got a wife who, whether you respect her lifestyle or not, is still your wife and has at least some stake in what happens to it. If you don't want her involved in your business, you'll need that divorce lawyer, and I'd suggest you strike first before your wife takes measures to siphon off what you believe is "your" cash. Good luck getting the court to compel her to divide the cash she hides in her new boyfriend's shed.

Otherwise, you're going to need to figure out a way to get along until death do you part. 

*

I don't like her lifestyle at all. And, I have a right to say so. Other posts explain this is not the person I married.

let's bet now she never divorces me. That would be biting off the hand that feeds her. And she knows that. Also there's nothing to siphon off that she has access to besides the equity in both homes. Outside of the equity in our home the stocks we each own neither of have access or will in the near future.

Yes till death do us part is an option and probably mulled over by each of us before going to sleep many many times. 

*NextTimeAround

Another piece of this equation that has not been spoken about is how do the parents feel about their teenage daughter and her monthly visits to her boyfriend out of state. 

Do the parents appreciate the grandfather overriding the parents' wishes. Of course, one paent is his son and th other, well, she just recently joined his family just like his second wife. 
* 

You're starting to sound a little like Evinrude. Yes the parents agree with both children flying & visiting back and forth or the wouldn't have been doing it for the past two years. What did you think the kids ran away once a month them came back home??? Dahhhhhhhh!!!!!

We spoke to each childs parents prior to anything being decided. We explained the Itinerary with mostly consisted of seeing some of the state & spending 3 days in Disney. Neither of the kids are interested in going to the beach. We've discussed the itinerary. 

*Evinrude58

You know, it's called spoiling for a reason. Kids turn out "spoiled" when you spoil them.
The grandkid doesn't "need" money for a Florida trip. If she wants to come see grandma, she can. She doesn't need boyfriend. If she wants to hang out on the beach with her boyfriend at 17 with zero supervision on grandpas dime, that's another.

OP, if you decide to do whatever you want to with your money, your wife is going to divorce you and take at least half of it. Remember, you're the one losing here with divorce. She.can rape you in a divorce and her nasty friends have probably informed her of such.
So be careful about giving away all "her" money. She won't go for that crap. �� 
*

Listen to yourself :-o. You assume so much cause you know so little. One bit of advice; You better get on Disney's Forum and explain that taking children to FL & going to Disney for a few days is spoiling all those children lives. 
Who do you think pays for all those kids to go to FL during Spring Break??? If you think the kids are saving half their allocated lunch money all year it's time to wake up.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

The Ignore button can be your friend. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It's easy to see why your second marriage is in trouble.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

golfer6760 said:


> *Evinrude58
> 
> And why the "my kids aren't getting a dime"????
> That's a pretty bad attitude, I think. Whether they are wealthy or not, to tell them they're not getting anything?*
> ...


What the hell, why are you dragging me into this?


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

*golfer
My granddaughters boyfriends family moved to VA when they were 15. Since the move they fly to see each other once a month. One month he flies to her house or she flies to his. *

To me that sounds very indulgent. 

I have a granddaughter in driver's ed. Her parents paid for the class. That is what parents do. I helped with fixing up an old car so my granddaughter had something reasonable to learn to drive.

No way would I ever pay for this vacation stuff and monthly flying back and forth. There is something called Skype for visiting, and it is free.

My parenting opinion is the trip is an indulgence and fosters people to feel entitled to things they can't afford. To me this is one reason people learn to live pay-check to pay-check and are deep in credit card debt.

Approximately 62% of Americans have less than $1,000 in their savings accounts and 21% don’t even have a savings account, according to a new survey of more than 5,000 adults conducted this month by Google Consumer Survey for personal finance website GOBankingRates.com. 

Is this what you want your granddaughter to live like? Kids want it all and they want it NOW. I think giving kids too much just fosters more future debt for them.

Listen to the "Dave Ramsey" radio program and listen to all of the people working very hard to get out of debt and for the reasons they are or were in debt. It often boils down to they want too many things and weren't prepared to wait.

Drivers ED=OK. The trip=no way.


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