# How to leave / get him out



## katc (Aug 7, 2011)

Brief synopsis: Married for the first time at 46. Have been married for 4 years in September.

Hubby is a "Jekyl & Hyde" kinda guy - up and down like a yo yo. Verbally / emotionally abusive (not always, but enough).

I have fallen out of love with him, we haven't been intimate in over a year - the thought of it creeps me out. He's an attractive man, but what is NOT attractive is his personality. He's SUPER laid back, emotionless, non-supportive, thinks everyone is an ******* ...

I want out BUT ... he refuses to sign for a divorce, he refuses to sell the house.

The complicated part is that it was my money that put the down payment on the house we currently own, stupidly, we refinanced in 2008 because he was approx. $30k in debt. I realize now (I did then after the papers were signed) that I literally paid off his debt because it came out of my equity. Yes, stupid move and I kick myself daily over that. Funny how my share of the mortgage payment didn't change, and not only did I give him the money out of my equity, I'm paying myself back as well !! This frosts me.

I want to separate - he doesn't, says he loves me (really? and you call me a "*****" and tell me to "F" off?? - that's "love"??)

Our mortgage is due for renewal next June - I told him I have no intentions of renewing it unless I'm doing it alone - without him. 

He will NOT talk about this because he just does not want it to happen.

I need to know where / how to start to get the ball rolling. AND more importantly - to preserve what little equity is left in the home as mine. I cannot and will not walk away from that money. I was a single Mom for 18 years before I met my husband - I scrimped and saved and did without so I could provide a roof over my son's head and my head and have an investment for him should I leave this earth. My husband will NOT get a cent of that.

I can't afford a lawyer, I need to do this on my own. I need to be the woman I used to be, happy, positive, fun instead of this woman who is living with "Donny Downer". Ugh.


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## Avalon (Jul 5, 2011)

Even though you said you can't afford a lawyer, I think that might be exactly what you need at this point to protect yourself financially. At least meet with a couple of lawyers for a "free consultation" and see what their fees would be, that won't cost you anything. If you don't figure this out now, you'll be in a world of hurt next June when your mortgage is renewed. You need to protect yourself financially NOW. I know you said you made a big mistake in the past by refinancing, don't let a mistake like that happen again; in a case like yours the lawyer fees may end up being tiny compared to what you could lose if things don't go well in the long run.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

katc - I second the lawyer advice. You say you can't afford the lawyer, but really, there's probably never been a time in your life where you absolutely could and should find a way to afford one.

From what little I know (and the laws near you might be different which is why the lawyer is needed), if he's been contributing toward the house for 4 years, he can make a good case for getting half the equity. There is no use playing "what if" with the refinancing mistake... just use whatever resources you can to make the right move for you NOW.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Also, from reading your past posts, you guys are extremely cold toward each other and a divorce is going to make it worse.

The lawyer can help keep a level head and make sure you get whatever you are entitled to, no matter what emotions you guys are playing out during the process.


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## katc (Aug 7, 2011)

Thanks Acorn.

My lawyer knows who paid what in the purchase of the home.

I doubt hubby will get "ugly" in all of this, and I do feel for him as he will end up with nothing. 

He knows not to back me into a corner because he won't win. 

It's an awful situation for anyone. We do have an agreement whereby he agreed that my original investment is to come back to me and the remainder is to be split 50/50 - however, we didn't have it witnessed.


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