# Need to respond anyone have an answer



## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Today in an email I received this response from my WH after several back and forth about the new division of the company is not going to open until I approve and I will not until I feel comfortable with us. I told him I wanted to know when and how he was lying and deceiving me so in the future I would know what it looks like. I also wanted more details of the time they spent together. Before I respond I wanted to hear what others would say to this as my temper hit the roof. Mind you not but a handful of friends know anything and not one person has told me to move on. Nor do I know about the world knowing except it is old news to him. So my next question would likely be who said all this and who did you tell?

"there is no excuse for me anymore and I do not make any for me anymore I have admitted to the world my mistake everybody knows and now its old news to them even boring old news to them like your friends tell you move on. with or without me you d better see your counselor by yourself Monday i'm not going I have my own counselor to see"

Little history D-day was 8/31/11 and triggering has started for me big time. He has drug his feet through the whole process. Then suddenly answered questions but no other talks again.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

The people who told him you need to move on are his enabling friends. The one's who either knew of the affair or the one's who just took his side cuz they're friends.

IMO, it looks like from this one post that a lot of things have never really been forthcoming from him and that anything you have gotten is because YOU have pushed him for it instead of him coming clean. Do you feel stuff was rugswept at all?

My Dday was 3/6/2012. We don't talk about it much anymore, however when we did it was brutally honest sh-t. And Regret will STILL open up if I have a question, get triggered or whatever.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I've read some of your other posts. It sounds like you have had some painful experiences in life and don't trust your emotions. Your H can use this plus a little aggression to get you to back down. 

Don't play his game. Be pleasant as pie, just inform him that he will come with you to marriage counseling. Start weekly at first, back off to 2x a month after a few sessions then down to monthly when you feel you are in a better spot as far as meaningful communication goes. 

If I understand the situation correctly, you have questions that have never been answered. Until that is resolved to your satisfaction, you will remain stuck. If he is unwilling to help you, he isn't husband material or anywhere near repentant enough about his infidelity to be worthy of reconciling. Consult a lawyer and start looking at what might look like after the divorce. Even if you don't pull the trigger on it, getting the consult takes some of the uncertainty out and reduces some of the fear.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Your D day was 2011 and you are still in conflict mode. Divorce. This isn't working.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Bumping this.

How are you doing Jupiter?

Your post was a little confusing and didn't have much detail. D-day was back in 2011? You guys own a company, he wants to open a new division and you told him that you wouldn't sign until you felt comfortable about your marriage. 

You're in R but he is not telling you the truth. 

Have you made any progress?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"Move on." It's like telling someone with a motorbike injury to stop with that damn limping!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Jupiter, any updates?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

jupiter13 said:


> "there is no excuse for me anymore and I do not make any for me anymore I have admitted to the world my mistake everybody knows and now its old news to them even boring old news to them like your friends tell you move on. with or without me you d better see your counselor by yourself Monday i'm not going I have my own counselor to see"


Oh he is taking a strong willed man approach like he is in control and you are just the unreasonable betrayed wife.

Question, do you want to stay with him and if so, for god's sake why?? He sounds like an entitled jackass that wants to simply not have to face the real consequences of his actions. He just wants you to get over it.

Perhaps if you have thought about leaving him, and honestly, I think you should, you can tell him, "Oh I can move on. I'll be seeing a lawyer soon to help with that"

And if there is any truth to him saying your friends are tired of it all, then F them. They aren't true friends and I bet a one of them doesn't have the slightest clue what it feels like to endure this kind of betrayal. Maybe with any luck someday they will.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Sorry didn't respond sooner I am going to post my story in private section It may be a page at a time as it is very hard to keep train of thoughts. Your right I have not given much back ground on either of us and I am sure we should never have married in the first place. I just didn't have anything to loose at the time as you will see. Yes he is strong willed needs no help from anyone he can help himself he is in control always. He is trying to do things his way but also in IC AND MC. Something has come up as he is getting IC at the VA and a bunch of them quit so the load of clients are so heavy that he can only get in once a month or 6 weeks. I do not feel that is enough. They can however get us moved over to their MC division. As much as I would like to have a MC that is better trained (the one we are using is my IC who is all for Danny getting it, he's so charming) and I have been feeling she is not effective enough. He is trying in many ways falling short on others. I get so confused. He has stated to both counselors without me he would have never learned what love is and he would not make it without my continued love support and grounding. Yoopee! Just what I needed to hear. Anyways I will finally start the process of posting our story. It will also help me redefine the relationship for myself too.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Wow ran into this this morning and thought maybe I just posted this however by the date no. I am still sort of in the same place. Not all questions answered, he's dragging feet on counseling even while I am going 2x a month (more this month since D Day is 8/31) and I am still crying every day for some brief moment. 
Keeping myself busy, I need to make new friends as the old ones ran for the hills. Escrow finally closed on our house and we bought the land out right next door. Living in a motel with 2 cats and a dog had been a challenge. Living with WH the same. We really have never talked about it, just a few times as he says it makes him feel bad. He gets defensive when I say to much or trigger or he changes the subject and walks away. Yes I know all about how he feels. 

He very rarely answers my emails to validate my feelings, when he does answer I have found that my dissatisfaction with his answers are all about him not answering with information about what he thinks or feels. That would be why they leave me still feeling empty when he does answer. Claims since we are in our home he will call VA and get back on track with doctors :liar: He has never been on track can't remember appointments or always remembers at last minute rushing off to end up being late. He has only read a couple books and doesn't remember much also points out the lines that are in his favor for me to move on. Complains when I send him articles to read and never has time to discuss what they are about. 

:yay:He does work very hard at being a good provider and figuring things out that I have no clue about but then I cover those things he couldn't even understand so as usual we have always complimented each other. 

:scratchhead:I have been trying to think about having this new relationship but in my heart of hearts I know me too well. It will be very lacking for me and not completely satisfying. As he is restored to a FWH and gets back all his respect and place in the family structure he will achieve his goal and be looking for the next accomplishment. I ever will never again be that trusting wife he would like nor will I love him as completely as I once did. He will not take my breath away and everything will have a cloud hanging over it. I understand it is not what he wants nor I but the damage is done he knew what he was doing in the first place and this will be the burden I will have to carry. I'm way too old to start another relationship or give up all that we have built. My life is too short now to spend so much time in this hell hole but like it or not this is my life now ad there is no time left to make new plans. My abuse from the past is too great and now so fresh for it not to play a big part in my inability to heal completely. SO I will just have to find contentment in me and what little happiness there can be. 

:biggrinangelA:I knew for two months out of my whole live what overwhelming consuming happiness felt like and I should be thankful some people go a whole lifetime never knowing. I am blessed with grand kids that love me and animals that adore me that will have to be enough and it's more than some other. If I could quit smoking I could prolong my life but then why bother now I don't want more years here I look forward to the next life without fear. One day at a time I still struggle through one day at a time my heart continues to hurt at the loss of what can never be. God Bless


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