# Female Orgasims



## Heartbroke (May 6, 2010)

My wife and I are currently trying to work on our sex life. I only have one problem though. She says she doesn't have to orgasim for sex to be good. I feel like I am not doing my job when she doesn't and she says that most women do not orgasim from intercourse. We have been together for a very long time but from what I remember before marrage most of my partners climaxed during intercourse.

Am I wrong? I would really like to hear from other women on the issue and see if I am feeling backwards.


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

I don't climax during intercourse with my H. I don't know why, and honestly, we haven't talked about it much. We usually have to do some other playing to get me to climax. It may be the way I am built, my hormones, just how we fit together, etc. I'm interested to see what others have to say though...

And I can honestly say I can enjoy sex even when I don't orgasm. It depends on the mood I'm in when we have it - is it for me to feel good, my partner to feel good, just for fun, connection time? it really all just depends.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Heartbroke said:


> from what I remember before marrage most of my partners climaxed during intercourse.


Tell us how you know that? It really isn't likely. Your wife is right that most women don't orgasm during intercourse. The funny thing is sex can feel so good that they think they probably did. The reason for this confusion is often the man's (not all men but some) own excitement just at the point of his orgasm. I don't know how to explain how good it feels to a woman when her man cums. Some women might confuse that moment with her own orgasm if she has never actually had one. Once she has her own orgasm, she definitely knows the difference. But until then, a woman might tell you she did and without knowing it really isn't the truth.

Another scenario is women lie out right because it's just easier to stroke a man's ego than to talk about something so sensitive. A lot of women don't know how to talk about it because, well, they've never had an orgasm, so they don't know what to say and are not familiar enough with orgasms or their own bodies to help you understand what they like. So, it's just easier to say "Yes I came" when you ask.

Another scenario is men do like to ask but cannot possibly know the difference between a lie and the truth. If a guy does not satisfy a woman sexually then asks "Did you cum?," almost invariably the answer is yes. Why would she say no and open up a very uncomfortable conversation with pressure of having to tell him in so many words "You don't please me." Honestly, women don't have silent, invisible orgasms. There is something about her, her body, and/or the sounds she makes that signals her orgasm. So I don't believe an *attentive lover* has to ask.....not normally.

Another scenario is some women fake orgasms. I can't say the reason behind this because I never faked any, but my guess is they feel it necessary to conform to the pressure of being asked the question. If a guy expects her to orgasm without placing any attention or effort in her needs in order for her to orgasm, then again, she'd rather skip the conversation. I remember feeling that way with a couple different guys I dated. I wasn't going to fake it, but I surely resented the question.

Most women need oral sex for clitoris stimulation, so I hope you do that for her to orgasm. But it normally isn't that women can't orgasm during intercourse. The biggest problem is they don't know that they can. They're not familiar with her pressure/pleasure centers, and neither is the man. For most of their adult lives, they have heard of the woman's G-spot. Unfortunately, most women and men think that is the clitoris or simply don't know what it is or where it is. So, no offense to either of you, but if she doesn't orgasm during intercourse, that tells me neither of you are familiar with her G-spot. This is very, very common and the reason most women say "I don't orgasm during intercourse."

The G-spot is located inside her vagina roughly about 2 inches in on the front/upper side. It can be reached with your first finger or first two fingers by inserting them palm side up if she is laying on her back. Gently penetrate (2 knuckles deep or less) along her vaginal wall until you feel a rough area. This area feels like the roof of your mouth. Rub there by crooking your finger(s) as if you're telling someone "come here." Once you reach her G-spot, it's best not to be too gentle, just not rough or hard. Practice until you become familiar with how much pressure to apply. Not only will she orgasm, but she will likely ejaculate. Yes, that means she will probably excrete fluid like you do. How much fluid and its intensity depends on the individual woman. Some women excrete in fountain streams, some only gush a little, and some don't ejaculate at all.

There are books and websites to better help you help her reach vaginal orgasm, and I also suggest a book or website that offer the best positions for intercourse that increase access to her G-spot. I found being on my back with my legs on his shoulders works well, and the position I like most is him somewhat leaning toward me (while on my back) and pushing my knees into my chest/shoulders. Before I learned about my G-spot, I'd done these positions a thousand times but never did orgasm. The reason is he penetrated too deeply, meaning he penetrated right passed it. So remember the G-spot is only just about 2 inches inward. That's the spot you want to stroke or make sure you are hitting it during intercourse.

Also, since the two of you are exploring and experimenting, you might want to look up information on her A-spot. It also is easily accessible, just deeper inside.

And while we're on the subject, did you know you have a G-spot too?
wink wink


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

Susan2010 said:


> And while we're on the subject, did you know you have a G-spot too?
> wink wink


:iagree: 
As a man you just have to feel comfortable enough with your own sexuality to let your wife ty it. But, it's something pretty special because it's then that we are as "vulernable" as a woman is during normal intercourse. It's a very different feeling orgasming that way.

And heartbroke, everything Susan said is spot on. I'd say less then 5% of the time my wife will orgasm during intercourse. The other 95% of the time I make her orgasm different ways. I've also found that if you can make HER orgasm first, she will be more then ready for you afterward. 

It is nothing against your manhood that you make your wife orgasm orally, with toys, etc. In fact, doing it that way for her makes you MORE of a man because your focus is on HER pleasure and not your own.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

A lot of my friends (female ones) don't really care if they have an orgasm or not from sex. They say its more about the journey than the destination, so to speak. But my male friends (and people I have been with) all put orgasm up there as the main objective, and are all upset if they don't orgasm every single time.

So from that I deduce that it's a different thing for males and females. So your wife is not that unusual at all  My friends say if they get an orgasm its a bonus but no biggie if not.


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## questions (May 7, 2010)

I used to say the same thing about how sex was ok without orgasm (emotional connection, intimacy, etc) because I simply didn't reach one. Now that I know I can get it, I would like to reach orgasm every time . If I have to choose between orgasm with toys or sex with H without orgasm, I'll still choose sex with H w/o O. However, it's much better when it's sex with your loved one and have orgasm .


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## questions (May 7, 2010)

Heartbroke,
I am sorry but I only addressed 76T comments only in my previous post. Back to your original post, it's great that you both want to work on your sex life. My H and I started re-exploring each other sexually only a month ago. I agree with your W that you don't have to have orgasm to feel good during sex. It felt incredibly good to feel my H inside me and be intimate again, even though I didn't have orgasm when we rekindled our sex life. Because it felt so incredibly good to have sex again with my H, I wanted explore more with my H. It was like my sex drive suddenly woke up. I lost all my inhibitions, bought myself some toys, researched internet on how to reach female orgasm, and shared what I found out with my H. I shared with him that I wanted to try everything and discover sexual pleasures that I didn't know existed. During my research, I learned that only 25-30% female reach orgasm regularly during normal intercourse, and there were about 30% women in a committed relationship who have never reached an orgasm. On the other hand, 90%+ men think that their partners reach orgasm during sex, so go figure  
Encourage her to explore her sexually with you as a loving journey. Help her lose her inhibitions and communicate with you what feels good, with fear of hurting your feeling. Here are a couple of site that I found beneficial to me. I hope that you and your W have fun!!!

Secrets of Much More Satisfying Sexuality -- How to Have Great Sex Every Time
Best Sex Position Ever


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