# sexual thoughts about wife's affair



## Merced (Sep 14, 2008)

Not sure if this goes under the sexual thread or here...so I apologize if it's in the wrong thread.

My wife and I both revealed our infidelity's this past week. We are talking through everything, and making some good progress.

I do have a strange thing happening though. I am finding myself masterbating fairly frequently to the image of her being with him. It's painful, and makes me feel sad, etc... but at the same time, I almost feel like it's somewhat theraputic and helping me deal with those emotions of the vivid images.... And mixed in with all of that, it's a bit of a turn on, too.. but that's NOT the dominate emotion, by far.

Just wondering if anyone has ever heard of this.. I'm sure a shrink would have a field day with this one.

thanks


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## They Call Me Smooth (May 5, 2009)

I'm not sure if I would call you a disturbed man or a lucky man. Part of me wishes the feeling I get when I think of my wife cheating on me was turned on. But sadly I become depressed then hurt and finally angry. 

Maybe it's not the thought of you wife and who she cheated on you with but the thought of your wife with another man. That is not all that uncommon.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I have seen accounts where couples were able to address their infidelity, reconnect, and it ignited sexual fireworks as a result.

I don't think your fantasy is unusual.


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## love.lost (Jun 4, 2009)

Be careful after a while those images do not mutate into ones that will decay the progress. I also enjoyed the fantasy but in time they created images that was no so desirable. I say enjoy them, but at same time let them go.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I see nothing enjoyable about such fantasies in the least.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Merced: I had an affair 5 years into our marriage, that was 20 years ago. My husband and I worked it through. However, for the longest time after my affair HE would be having sex with me and EVERY SINGLE TIME we'd make love, he would bring up the other guy, ask me to describe things the other man did, and he would get off on it. This went on for years; I finally told him if he didn't STOP this behavior I'd never be able to get past the other guy! It took him TEN years to stop doing this....I hated it to the core.


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## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

osvaldo1321, that's just rude. Are you a licensed and certified psychiatrist or psychologist? I can tell you're not, a Dr. would know better. People come here for help, not for ridicule. If you don't know any better, keep it to yourself.


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## Merced (Sep 14, 2008)

thanks for the thoughts, guys. My feelings on this matter are waning now, so I think it was just something I needed to go through to help me sort out those feelings. 

I still can't really understand it, but I'm not going to focus too much on trying to figure it out. Sometimes our minds just have to go through certain things for a reason, and it's not always something that makes sense to the conscious mind.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Well I think you should discuss this with your marriage counselor because there is likely an explanation. I read that when one partner is cheated on, its like they have lost control over a situation and needing to know every detail is a way of coping with it. The brain's way of getting control back. I'm no therapist, but seems to me that this may be related? Although your situation is complicated as you both cheated. In any case, I really thinks its a coping mechanism.


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