# How to reduce sex drive?



## heron_inthewater (Jul 23, 2011)

My husband doesn't like sex anymore and thinks I am wanting it too much now-- which is about 2-3 times a week.

Is there anything I can take to reduce my sex drive? Such as an herbal pill or something?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Apparently putting on a wedding ring works for a lot of people... Kills the sex drive DEAD! 

Seriously, 2 or 3 times a week doesn't seem THAT bad. What does he think is reasonable? How old are you two? How long has this been an issue? How is your relationship other than that?

Also seriously, some women seem to find that hormonal birth control has a tendancy to reduce sex drive.

C


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Interesting perspective. We had a lively discussion about reducing the libido as opposed to trying to increase a low-drive partner's libido, here: Why don't we discuss how we could help men want sex less

As one might imagine, not too many men were onboard with that plan.

If you are serious, I suggest talking with your doctor. If your doctor doesn't want to have a serious discussion about the issue, ask them to refer someone, and start looking for a new doctor.

Birth Control, SSRI's, and a host of medications can have serious impact on libido. I can understand a physician's reluctance to prescribe medication for which you don't have a condition, but they should be open to at least having the discussion.

Of course, alternatively, you could encourage a compromise with your husband in terms of frequency.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

How old are you and your husband? And how long have you been married (your profile indicates not very long)?

Why doesn't he want to have sex? What else is going on with him? Is he overweight, in poor health, watching too much porn and not enough left over to be able to satisfy you?

And... why isn't he willing to be able to provide you comfort and pleasure with his hands, mouth, or toys even if he doesn't feel in to it himself? There are lots of ways to provide pleasure without having intercourse.

Lack of sexual intimacy starts a whole host of problems in a marriage, imho. There should be some way to compromise by both of you so that only one of you doesn't have to give up everything.

Best Wishes.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

heron_inthewater said:


> My husband doesn't like sex anymore and thinks I am wanting it too much now-- which is about 2-3 times a week.
> 
> Is there anything I can take to reduce my sex drive? Such as an herbal pill or something?


Have the same issue, heron. I stopped watching TV, sex movies, and looking at magazines. There's a site blocker on my computer that blocks anything sexual. Those things helped a lot. I stopped wearing anything I thought was cute or sexy around him. I also do not go to bed at the same time he does anymore.

Just be careful about your resentment taking over if you try this approach. Remember that this is your choice and he's not making you do anything. You can leave if you want and find someone that has a higher sex drive. If you realize you're in control of your own body and its desires you can turn it on or off whenever you want. For me it feels a lot better that i'm in control of my sex drive now. I do still feel the urge but i don't become a grumpy, mean, aggressive person because of it anymore. I acknowledge the drive and realize that it is not my H's fault that he's not interested. Its just something i have to deal with.


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## heron_inthewater (Jul 23, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> How old are you and your husband? And how long have you been married (your profile indicates not very long)?


I'm in my late 20's and we've only been married for a few years. 



Enchantment said:


> Why doesn't he want to have sex? What else is going on with him? Is he overweight, in poor health, watching too much porn and not enough left over to be able to satisfy you?


He isn't overweight, he's quite thin actually, and it's been a long time since he looked at porn. He thinks that I am too demanding when it comes to sex and just doesn't care for it anymore. He's always tired, not in the mood, has a headache (okay, I am jesting with that last one but you get my drift).



Enchantment said:


> And... why isn't he willing to be able to provide you comfort and pleasure with his hands, mouth, or toys even if he doesn't feel in to it himself? There are lots of ways to provide pleasure without having intercourse.


It doesn't matter-- anything having to do with sexual pleasure is simply too much work for him, unless HE is in the mood when he wants to be. Our usual frequency is somewhere between every 2-3 months. 

I also wanted to address, I don't take any hormonal contraceptives and don't like them actually. They caused all sorts of side effects (couldn't sleep well, my skin was too sensitive, moodiness, etc.) and I'm wondering if there's anything OTC I could take instead.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

YOu said he is always TIRED, not in the mood , has a headache. Does he also drag at work, want to come home & crash. Does he had mental fog? Maybe overly stressed about something happening in his life ? You said in your opening post - He doesn't like sex 'anymore" so It sounds like a new phenomenon.

Symptoms of Low Testosterone are LACK of sex drive (Porn would not even be an allure- after all it is our motivating lust hormone), tired all the time, dragging, depression. 

I would badger him to GET TESTED, a full workup. He is simply TOO YOUNG to be feeling like this!! Symptoms of Low Testosterone Levels in Men - Male Signs

Possible causes >> Low Testosterone Symptoms and Causes of Testosterone Deficiency in Men

Ways to increase naturally -if he has just had a dive due to recent stress, >>> How to Increase Testosterone Levels Naturally


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

"Compromise" with an asex means no sex more or less. It's just another word for giving in, giving up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So here's my first thought... You're seriously wanting to modify your behavior chemically to meet your husband's asexual nature, and live your life in a sexless marriage? And you're only in your late 20's? 

My second thought... It's only likely to get worse, as your sex drive ramps up, and his declines.

Third... How is your relationship other than your (lack of) sex life?

Personally, if it was me... I'd have a talk with him and tell him that sex once or twice a week is not unreasonable, and he needs to step up to the plate to help reconnect the two of you. That may involve getting the medical tests done, or counseling/therapy. Because in the end, things will only degrade further as resentment and frustration builds. If he's not willing to address the issue, then start making other plans for your life. You're young enough now to do a restart fairly easily; much more so than in 10 years, anyway.

I know you were only asking for advice on how to reduce your sex drive, so feel free to disregard. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Good luck with that. I tried to reduce my sex drive when I was in my 20's and I failed miserably. A better option is to fix the problem which is what I eventually did. I'm still with the same man and we have plenty of sex now. You are young do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a sexless marriage?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's not impossible but it takes time. Since my wife decided she would no longer have the slightest physical interaction not even a kiss or a touch, I have to say I haven't been physically aroused. I think about sex and if I think about it long enough it makes me mad, but physically? Nada. My gonads could not care less.


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## heron_inthewater (Jul 23, 2011)

My husband refuses to go to the doctor because he thinks he is okay, just "tired." I have no idea if it's a low testosterone issue, honestly. He is usually stressed when he arrives home from work, and if I am home I do my best to accommodate him and provide him a relaxing atmosphere to come to. I don't blame him for being tired during the week, but on weekends he says the same thing, or isn't in the mood. 

You know, everyone keeps telling me to leave and start over and quite frankly I am not sure I'd want to anyway. This relationship is enough, and I will do what I can to avoid divorce. Thousands of couples live in sexless marriages, and I'd really like to know if there are ways I can train myself to reduce my sex drive.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No but what you do is learn to ignore it. It's just sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Have you considered going to marriage counseling?


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## JrsMrs (Dec 27, 2010)

While you may find that your libido naturally decreases over time & with sexual deprivation (as mine has), the downside is that the resentment doesn't go away. In my own personal experience, it gets worse. Even when I don't care to have sex, I'm still upset that this situation has caused me to be far less than the 'horndog' I used to be, and still have the same issues surrounding feeling rejected and unworthy of his sexual attraction when he fails to approach me. Yes, even when I could take it or leave it when it comes to sex, I still want him to want me. I think that's the bigger issue, and the physical part of needing sex actually comes second to the need to feel desired.
It's really a catch 22. No, I'm not walking around aroused and sexually frustrated anymore, but I'm not happy about our sex life either. Now it's just one more thing to be upset about- the fact that I've all but lost what IMO is a positive characteristic, a healthy sexual appetite.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

heron_inthewater said:


> I will do what I can to avoid divorce. Thousands of couples live in sexless marriages, and I'd really like to know if there are ways I can train myself to reduce my sex drive.


 Chances are you won't need to do anything, because staying will likely lead to some form of depression if you try remaining faithful in a sexless marraige with a High Libido, you will eventually need to be put on SSRi's , then your drive will vanish and you and he will be very compatable. I would think that too much of a sacrifice, but true, we are all different. 

Sex on Antidepressants | World of Psychology


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## heron_inthewater (Jul 23, 2011)

I don't really know if I care about the resentment part. I think eventually, I will be content with things being calm. My husband also refuses to go to counseling, so I do what I can on my own.


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