# Where you a person who was always desired?



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Like did you have very little down time from when one relationship ended to when the next began?

And when you were not in relationships did you have lots of dates or potential dates or people interested in you?

For me i never really had lots of girls interested in me until my last year in college. Sometimes wonder what its like to always be wanted


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Yes when I was single I was desired. Here's the weird thing. I had begun to feel unattractive recently due to wife's prolonged inattentiveness. 
Over a week ago I took off my wedding ring as it had been bothering me for quite sometime ( to tight ) and told my wife I needed to have it resized. I could barely get it to come off and when after wrestling with it for an hour finally got it off my finger I have been hesitant to put it back on because I may not get it off again. I showed this to my wife and she agreed it did need resizing. 

Anyway, to make a long story short. The women have been checking me out like crazy. It's weird. They smile at me and look me up and down. Yesterday as I was standing in a doorway to a store a woman on the way out said a very nice hello to me and made eye contact and smiled a big smile. I thought maybe I was imagining it during the first few days, but nope. There has been a noticeable difference in the amount of attention directed toward me by the opposite sex.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

I have noticed as i have aged i get more attention from women. Its nice but i am married now so i do not think of it like i would of when i was single. 

I wish when i was single at times that i was mr super ladies man. But i also realize their is a good chance if i was that guy i would not have come to have the mind i have now and have the views i have now that led me to be who i am and find the wife that i found.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

I never had to try. I was ( and still am) mostly oblivious to what attention was directed toward me by women. Things just always happened with little to no effort.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> I never had to try. I was ( and still am) mostly oblivious to what attention was directed toward me by women. Things just always happened with little to no effort.


You stud!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> You stud!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep. You know I never thought of myself as one. You also know I'm not lying .


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Went out on my first date at 14 and was pretty much somebodies girlfriend from that point on. I was rarely alone. For me it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. I don't look back on those days fondly at all. All I wanted was to find ONE person that I could spend my life with. That dating, game playing, drama wasn't for me and I'm GRATEFUL to be past that. I prefer to be married.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Yes, it was fun at the time, but now that im older, i kinda wish it had been different. Looks fade and thays hard to deal with at times......

But, i am trying to do it gracefully. 

I know i have a ton to offer. I am fun, funny, loyal, trustworthy, smart, a damn good cook, etc etc. 

Its a double edged sword


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

I had plenty of downtime. I only had one serious boyfriend in school when I was 12 or 13 for bout a year. Then I had one serious boyfriend after high school when I was 20 for bout 6 months and then met my husband. I had no problem attracting sexual interest during thos "down times" but not really the dating attention I may have wanted. I actually had stopped worrying about dating completely when I met my husband. Guys were fun and that was it. If it weren't for my husband's determination to "not go away", we wouldn't be together. 

I know how bad that sounds but he honestly did have to just hang in there and prove he was serious.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

joe kidd said:


> Yep. You know I never thought of myself as one. You also know I'm not lying .


You two are cute! Btw:
"Don't come over here
And piss on my gate
Save it just keep it
Off my wave "

I'm a HUGE SG fan - great lyrics.

OP - I really haven't had much male attention for years. I know that I have lost a lot of physical attributes (just being honest) but such is life. When I was young it was different but I had little self esteem and thought that I was an ugly, fat cow. Now that I may BE as described, I have a lot more self esteem. Strange world, isn't it?


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Goldmember357 said:


> Like did you have very little down time from when one relationship ended to when the next began?


Depended on how deep the previous relationship was in my eyes.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I was never alone,and I was always pursued by females.
The few whom I pursued never rejected me. [ except my wife!]
My "relationships "were always short , and most times I ended them.
Marriage didn't stop the attention.
But I am used to it so I just ignore it.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

And to add. No I don't get "that kind of attention". I often wonder what it is that I am lacking in this regard. I am often standing next to one of my girlfriends when she gets hit on.:scratchhead:


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> And to add. No I don't get "that kind of attention". I often wonder what it is that I am lacking in this regard. I am often standing next to one of my girlfriends when she gets hit on.:scratchhead:


Maybe she just puts out an " available" vibe? Some people do without even realizing it.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

joe kidd said:


> Maybe she just puts out an " available" vibe? Some people do without even realizing it.


It's not just one. It could be any of my girlfriends. It happens often. I really do feel invisible. No joke!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I was about 13 when i started to realize what being desired was all about. I got such a buzz off it! If i think back... i'd have been what is commonly known as a [email protected] I liked boys older than me and I was bad.... got myself into scary situations a few times but was always lucky enough to never get hurt ( and looking back it was pure luck...i was pretty stupid). I know I'm responsible for more than a few grey hairs on my poor old Dad's head!

Then as a young adult I worked in the fitness industry and did fitness competitions and bodybuilding. I'm sure it was all about the looking sexy/desirable. Being in a situation where our outward attributes were of top priority can make for some very very shallow conversations though.... I think it was about this time I started to look inwards for happiness and self love.

I feel that power diminishing these days...I'm 45 now... But ya know...that's cool. I'm kinda over being too concerned about others... as long as i like me...that's enough.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

It's not all peaches and cream... LoL! I attracted a lot of the wrong people when I was single... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

My husband and I met young but thinking back, I had guys interested in me around that time. I didn't date them though - either I wasn't feeling it or I was guarded. I'd find notes in the mailbox inviting me out for coffee, or love poems written. There was a friend I was flirtatious with but didn't date, who wanted me to move out with him. We were close to doing this and then I declined. The way our flirtations were, I felt we'd either end up in a relationship living together (which was too much commitment for me); or I figured one of us would end up getting hurt when the other was dating. I briefly dated a guy who also wanted us to move in together. Although he was lovely, I wasn't interested in getting serious.

I was just happy doing my own thing. 

In the music scene, there were a few older guys (mid-late 20's) who made their interest known. Although I was physically attracted, I was innocent and part of me found their brash approach intimidating. I'd questioned their interest in me and didn't trust it. Getting hit on at the radio station was fairly common with listeners phoning up, telling me I had a sexy voice, or they saw me playing out a club etc... I didn't really think too much of it. I figured it went with the territory, and recognized I was a bit of a novelty being female. 

And then my _husband_ phoned the station. We talked on the phone and I found myself hoping that, out of everyone, he'd phone in. He was the only listener I agreed to meet with. He knew how to balance his pursuit of me while also allowing me the room I felt I needed. Within months we were talking of getting a place together and it felt natural. That was 18 years ago.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

When I was young, I got a lot of looks, whistles, "hey baby"s...I didn't dress provocatively either. I remember being upset that men would look at me like I was naked! I was appaulled some even made sexual comments. 

I'm 45 now and 3 kids later....but a few years ago, I lost a few pounds and had a nice tan. I went on a trip to Vegas with my husband to a work conference. We'd go out in the evenings and it was my chance to dress up. I got to wear some sexy but classy stuff and got a lot of looks. It was so strange, I could feel the stares...made me uncomfortable actually. Hubby got some compliments and he was happy. LOL I think most of the time I'd prefer to just be a wall flower.


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

In high school I was not very sought after but now in my 40's I've notice hot women smiling more often. I kinda just figured the older they get the lower their standards are or maybe they've gotten tired of being burned by studs and are just wanting someone that will pay attention to them.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

My husband and I met when we were 18, so I never did a lot of field playing. We broke up for a couple of years during my early 20s and I did okay. The place that I think I could have done really well, at least on the short-term front, was Japan. My husband and I were there for a year and a half before we got married and whenever we went out I would get all the American, Canadian and European gaijin hitting on me. Even the ones who were all about the Japanese girls. Maybe they missed the booty.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No. I wasn't.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

Shortly after I moved out of my mother's house to go to college (when I was 20), I moved in with my husband. There was never really an option for me to go and play the field. I had boys express an interest in me in High School, but my sister and I weren't allowed to date often. 

On the rare occasions that I did date in high school, I've always was told how cute, hot, and/or gorgeous I was. 

In those few months in college, I went out with 2 different men. They prove not to have staying power. One would rather play a game when I express a need for him. The other was strange in a creepy sort of way. He would lurk around my dorm's door. Everywhere I went, he would be there.

Then, I met my husband. My husband still remarks how beautiful I am.

Throughout our marriage, I had others approach me for a relationship and/or casual sex. I've almost always refused because I didn't want to be _that woman_ (although I did for a month in an EA). I remember telling this guy that I was married , and he replied, "So? Your husband doesn't have to know." 

I guess I never really had to work to be in a relationship. I sort of fell in them in HS and college when I was allowed to date in HS and when I wanted to in college. I've always went after who I wanted, too, and gotten him.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Lol no. I was a very gawky teenager, quite studious, and when I left school threw myself into studying electronics. I hated discos etc and was shy and awkward around girls. Oh and butt ugly! (still am to some extent). Nerd from nerdville.
But as I grew older my frame filled out and with maturity came confidence.
I know feel that I am better looking, relatively speaking, now than when I was young. Now I do sometimes get appreciative glances and smiles (or is it laughter) and I can't help thinking "where were you 35 years ago"


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

WyshIknew said:


> Lol no. I was a very gawky teenager, quite studious, and when I left school threw myself into studying electronics. I hated discos etc and was shy and awkward around girls. Oh and butt ugly! (still am to some extent). Nerd from nerdville.
> But as I grew older my frame filled out and with maturity came confidence.
> I know feel that I am better looking, relatively speaking, now than when I was young. Now I do sometimes get appreciative glances and smiles (or is it laughter) and I can't help thinking "where were you 35 years ago"


I heard a saying once that went *" In my younger years I could never of gotten a new corvette but now I'm sure I could get a nice used one with low miles "*


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

I'm clueless when it comes to reading potential date's signals...I always wait too long...but I've never really felt desired until recently...I'm getting different looks from the girls at work....I was at my lowest when I was married...the daily rejection from her crushed me utterly...and being a geek I've never really been in the girls spotlights...high school was a joke...college..I was dating my wife so I didn't go to many parties or such..

Now...well...now is different...there's a few girls that are giving me more attention then I'm used too...one in particular....


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

waiwera said:


> I was about 13 when i started to realize what being desired was all about. I got such a buzz off it! If i think back... i'd have been what is commonly known as a [email protected] I liked boys older than me and I was bad.... got myself into scary situations a few times but was always lucky enough to never get hurt ( and looking back it was pure luck...i was pretty stupid). I know I'm responsible for more than a few grey hairs on my poor old Dad's head!
> 
> *Then as a young adult I worked in the fitness industry and did fitness competitions and bodybuilding. I'm sure it was all about the looking sexy/desirable. * Being in a situation where our outward attributes were of top priority can make for some very very shallow conversations though.... I think it was about this time I started to look inwards for happiness and self love.
> 
> I feel that power diminishing these days...I'm 45 now... But ya know...that's cool. I'm kinda over being too concerned about others... as long as i like me...that's enough.



Are you still in the fitness industry?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Yes, very much so. When I was younger, I can remember one period when I had a different date for just about every day of the week.

Things were a lot less complicated back then. People didn't tend to so much as kiss on the first date, let alone anything else, and one was able to ease into getting to know someone before any form of intimacy was expected.

I have very fond and happy memories of my youth!


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Yes, I was always in an exclusive relationship from the time I was 14. There was never any drama, so to speak, but I had a habit of staying in dead end relationships for way too long.

I met my husband at age 22. From 14-22, the longest period that I was ever single was the six months immediately before I met my H. And man, those single days were a blast! Didn't last long tho.

As a result, I have a lot of experience in relationships and did learn a lot by being in so many, that I still apply to my marriage today. But I didn't really learn how to just be me. It was always about being half of a whole, not about figuring out my own desires as an individual. I still have trouble with that to this day. I wish I had spent more time single.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Mavash. said:


> Went out on my first date at 14 and was pretty much somebodies girlfriend from that point on. I was rarely alone. For me it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. I don't look back on those days fondly at all. All I wanted was to find ONE person that I could spend my life with. That dating, game playing, drama wasn't for me and I'm GRATEFUL to be past that. I prefer to be married.


Pretty much the same thing for me, I was always looking for the ONE since I started dating around 14.. I always felt like I needed a boy/man, someone in my life... When I finally decided it was time to have a go at life completely alone and focused on me (mid 30's), I met and married my current H. Such is life


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I always had lots of guy friends, but few dates in high school and college. I asked years later of my college guy friends why they dated my friends, but not me. "You scared the sh** out of us" was their answer. I've always been very independent and sure of myself.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

never had problems attracting the ladies. to this day I get hit on at least once a week.

and then i open my mouth and they run for the hills! LOL

the ones that stick around are the keepers!


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

I'd love to get hit on...I do once in a great while...it'd be nice to be told more often
...I never got compliments from my wife....unless she wanted something


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

never had a problem getting dates before,even though i was terrible shy.but now women are getting out right brazen in their comments to me(believe me--i'm noone special)maybe it's that i'm getting to the age where they got divorced or husbands died off?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think for those blessed with screaming good looks with opposite sex attention flurishing...these visual hunks & beautiful girls....they tend to take this for granted...in their youth....this "desired" feeling...and many times USE it to their advantage...whatever that may be. 

Yeah, it is a little rush...sometimes a BIG RUSH depending on who has their eye on us... makes us feel gooood, raises the self esteem.... but with it comes ALOT of temptation.. and if one has a raging sex drive in addition...Oh the trouble they might get into! 

Look at how Hollywood handles themselves!! They sure show us how to screw it up, if anything. 

I think for girls/women, we are supposed to be these "objects of desire" .... Women KNOW how visual men are...it is everywhere. Women aren't generally as shallow in this...if the man has other things going on....a Great sense of humor /confidence / social status...this raises his sex rank. 

I've always felt "wanted" by the boys... had on & off "puppy love" BF's since 5th grade...

Both of my best friends growing up, their brothers liked me, one was my 1st kiss, a younger one of the other was like that kid in "Crazy Stupid Love".... he would sing songs to me, tell me he wanted to have my babies, yell "I love you" when I was leaving their house... he was a boisterious character...oh the crazy memories (he was a few yrs younger, funny he is GAY today) ....my husband jokes I must have really messed him up.

His older brother (my age) had a BAD crush on me for yrs, everyone knew... but he was SO backward & bashful, he was never able to express it while some of his friends became my BF's .... I guess he felt severely "friend zoned", cause his family was like "My FAMILY". He did mean alot to me though, maybe more than he ever realized. 

Then I met my husband at 15...still had attention, it kept him on his toes I guess... but he was never too worried about me... if I was out with friends, etc. I never had a problem saying what was on my mind...even though a little shy, I was never passive or easily led. I did break up for a short time to go out with one pursuer but realized I missed my best friend, that no man would ever love me to the depths he did. 

My husband only had 2 GF's before me... he was the shy Geeky teen with glasses who sucked at sports & women, he never cared for "the chase", he wasn't swimming in self esteem either- but he was a wonderful person and I recognized this early on. I know for him, he's never felt like he missed out- not having more experiences. 

But yeah, he LOVES to feel desired....who doesn't!! ONe thing I showered him with was alot of "attention" when we met... this made him feel "very loved". 

IF you had all those women falling at your feet before College.......like Joe Kidd, Caribbean Man & some of the others...I wonder how you would have handled it ??? I know some of us tend to raise our eye brows to those living it up wildly -doing the dirty deed all over the place when they are younger, but IT *IS* alot of temptation .... Especially for men with those Test levels hitting the richter scale. 

Do you think you would have resisted it Goldmember ? You might not be with your wife today, your life may have taken a whole different course ... I do believe mine would have -if I was not looking out carefully for a GOOD MAN.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Its really hard to say from a young age i was always a thinker and in high school i was immature i really matured and began on this conquest of non stop thinking freshmen year of college. I think i would of gave into temptation in high school but not in college my mind changed. But that is hard for me to say because if i had been getting all sorts of attention in high school it may have shaped me differently. I suppose i am glad that things happened the way they did i shudder at the thought of not having this mind and not having my wife. I guess i just like the idea of having been showered with women all the time and thinking i could keep the mind and views that i have but it would of surely changed me.

I think very very few young men could resit temptation if they had women all over them.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Goldmember357* said: I think very very few young men could resit temptation if they were showered with women all the time.


I agree with you ! 



> I guess i just like the idea of having been showered with women all the time and thinking i could keep the mind and views that i have


 It's possible but one has to be really strong minded and have a set goal in mind -not wavering, ya know. 

Most are just not all that mature in their youth. Sounds like you have admitted as such here.... "and in high school i was immature "....and... "I think i would of gave into temptation in high school". 

Just think you might have gotten one of your classmates pregnant back then, married her or been paying Child support for the last 18 yrs ...and you would have never met your wife. I think if you feel very very blessed to be with your wife, then it is ALL FOR THE GOOD. I don't feel those who have been MORE "desired" all of their lives (by others) do better in marriage -by any means at all. It's what you have in your marriage NOW with that special someone. 

Sometimes things happen for a reason. I feel my dysfunctional teen years with a very strict , even mean Step Mom -who didn't want me living there...threw me into a "maturity"....that alot of teen girls didn't have, they were thinking more about Carefree FUN..living it up... where I had my eyes set on my future...which helped me LOOK more towards the Good Guys, never the Players.

In this way, I am thankful...looking back.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Yes and at 30yrs old this year it seems to be even more than usual. My friends and family always called me a ladies man and/or metrosexual. It is strange to be the older guy that gets hit on by the younger girls. Married or damaged women seem to gravitate towards me also eek. I am oblivious to it the majority of the time as I am a married man and well just not paying attention really. It usaully takes someone pointing it out or I will sense someone who is not allowed in my personal space. They almost seem infatuated with me like I bewilder them or something and they are trying to figure me out. I guess I have a way with words they say.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

geek down said:


> I'm clueless when it comes to reading potential date's signals...I always wait too long...but I've never really felt desired until recently...I'm getting different looks from the girls at work....I was at my lowest when I was married...the daily rejection from her crushed me utterly...and being a geek I've never really been in the girls spotlights...high school was a joke...college..I was dating my wife so I didn't go to many parties or such..
> 
> Now...well...now is different...there's a few girls that are giving me more attention then I'm used too...one in particular....


I feel like I was the same way, except now I still am not getting any kind of looks my way. I can probably count on both hands all the times I've caught a woman checking me out and 80% of them were more than a decade ago.

Feeling undesired sucks, because as much as it is supposed to drive me to want to improve myself for me, it is also such a drag and makes it hard to want to do anything.

I can fish for compliments and get them, but they do not have the same power as unsolicited attention. In fact there is only one time I have ever received an unsolicited compliment from a stranger it was about ten years ago working at Staples and the sun was shining in across my eyes and she told me they were the most amazing eyes she's seen, in a way that I believed, though she was probably twice my age. It felt really nice, obviously it left an impression. I also loved when my ex gave me unsolicited compliments during the good times of our marriage.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Lon said:


> I feel like I was the same way, except now I still am not getting any kind of looks my way. I can probably count on both hands all the times I've caught a woman checking me out and 80% of them were more than a decade ago.
> 
> Feeling undesired sucks, because as much as it is supposed to drive me to want to improve myself for me, it is also such a drag and makes it hard to want to do anything.
> 
> *I can fish for compliments and get them, but they do not have the same power as unsolicited attention.* In fact there is only one time I have ever received an unsolicited compliment from a stranger it was about ten years ago working at Staples and the sun was shining in across my eyes and she told me they were the most amazing eyes she's seen, in a way that I believed, though she was probably twice my age. It felt really nice, obviously it left an impression. I also loved when my ex gave me unsolicited compliments during the good times of our marriage.


This is me exactly. I don't get them either except the usual pep stuff from the other girls at the gym. Should I gauge how attractive I am by this. Probably not. But at this rate I wonder what is wrong!


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> Like did you have very little down time from when one relationship ended to when the next began?
> 
> And when you were not in relationships did you have lots of dates or potential dates or people interested in you?
> 
> For me i never really had lots of girls interested in me until my last year in college. Sometimes wonder what its like to always be wanted


I haven't read replies.... 

I like being in a relationship. I like being married even more. I don't think I've ever had more than a month or two between relationships until I was in my 40s, when I went about a year, but even then I dated consistently. 

To try answering what that's like? That's tough, because I don't really have anything to compare to. If I try to be objective, I'd say that I'd have rated about a 7-8 on attractiveness in my youth, and probably a 4-5 now (Still have killer eyes and nice legs, but the rest... eh, not so much.) There has always been a "market" for an available female who doesn't look like she crawled out of a blender, as long as she's friendly and approachable, so yes, I supposed I felt like plenty of people were "interested," but that didn't mean they were interested in the same goals I wanted. 

So a guy who wants no strings attached might be interested, but that doesn't mean I'm also interested, because I wanted long-term commitment. Or, if I didn't want a LTR with a guy who I didn't think was compatible, he might want something more. The relationships I had were those people who were interested, and who I was interested in, but the dates didn't necessarily involve that kind of interest. 

(If that makes sense at all.)


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

Goldmember357 said:


> Like did you have very little down time from when one relationship ended to when the next began?
> 
> And when you were not in relationships did you have lots of dates or potential dates or people interested in you?
> 
> For me i never really had lots of girls interested in me until my last year in college. Sometimes wonder what its like to always be wanted


I think it is best to have some down town, i don't think it is healthy to jump from one relationship to another. I have been hit on in relationships and sometimes the men already knew i was in a relationship, maybe men are just opportunist 

You are a man so it is different for you than it is a woman, men are interested but do we really know what they are interested in.

Is it being wanted, maybe it is just cheap, what does it actually mean to be wanted.

It is better to be desired and wanted by the one we love.

Whilst my estranged narcissistic abused me, i still had many suitors, but yet i never ran off with any of them, you'd think it would of been easy to, but my core morals were to be loyal and faithful, stupidity on my part, because now i really wonder why.

And what is attractive because everyone views someone differently.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

With the exception of the latest two "relationships" (not official) The few relationships I've had all had years between them (and it wasn't for lack of want). I just can't figure it out, never figured it out in high school (cause I suppose I was immature when it came to dating) nor college (cause I was with my HSS for 7 years) and when I married it was a big sigh of relief that I wouldn't have to learn to figure it out. And of course I now realize that I was wrong and it scares the crap out of me.


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

Lon said:


> With the exception of the latest two "relationships" (not official) The few relationships I've had all had years between them (and it wasn't for lack of want). I just can't figure it out, never figured it out in high school (cause I suppose I was immature when it came to dating) nor college (cause I was with my HSS for 7 years) and when I married it was a big sigh of relief that I wouldn't have to learn to figure it out. And of course I now realize that I was wrong and it scares the crap out of me.


Thats pretty much my MO right there..


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Was I desired much? No. I can honestly say that I am pretty close to the most attractive I have ever been. When I was younger, I look at pictures and wish I looked the way I do now then. I would have had a much easier time with the girls. Now, I have more confidence and am more attractive, but I'm hitched. Not much can be done with it now. Sad.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

gbrad said:


> Was I desired much? No. I can honestly say that I am pretty close to the most attractive I have ever been. When I was younger, I look at pictures and wish I looked the way I do now then. I would have had a much easier time with the girls. Now, I have more confidence and am more attractive, but I'm hitched. Not much can be done with it now. Sad.


Sad?! :scratchhead: I think that is great for your wife! I'll be that she appreciates it.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Lon said:


> With the exception of the latest two "relationships" (not official) The few relationships I've had all had years between them (and it wasn't for lack of want). I just can't figure it out, never figured it out in high school (cause I suppose I was immature when it came to dating) nor college (cause I was with my HSS for 7 years) and when I married it was a big sigh of relief that I wouldn't have to learn to figure it out. And of course I *now realize that I was wrong and it scares the crap out of me*.


You want to know the secret which is not really a secret at all...

Short answer, be confident and genuine at the same time. 

Long...Stand tall and know who you are. Don't be ****y or rude. Be genuinely interested to whomever you are speaking to woman or man. People like to hear about themselves, they like to hear their names. BUT you have to genuinely be interested. And you have to be willing to start the talk, you have to talk and interact to create that chance situation. Go out of your way to say something to perfect strangers that you can genuinely be interested in. LISTEN, shut your mouth and listen. Let them talk about themselves and just listen. Pay attention and be very observant to them and their surroundings. Just throw in little tidbits to keep it rolling.

Once you start that ball rolling, if it happens at all, be a gentleman. Ask her to coffee, hold the door for her AND the elderly woman leaving the cafe. Pay for it because you invited her. Have a nice conversation, if she starts asking about you answer but don't go into some long winded crap, she doesn't really want to hear about you she wants to just know how you can interact with her in the future. Tell her you had a nice time and thank her for joining you for coffee. If you hit it off do lunch a couple times, then dinner, then dinner and movie, then dinner and a movie at your place.....etc.

Oh yeah and never stop being that person she first met. That is where the genuine really comes into play. If you lied right off the bat she actually doesn't like you she likes the person you pretended to be.

Maybe this wouldn't work for everyone but hey it has suited me just fine in life and business.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

planet, I know that it is confidence, I've known it since I was 15. It is hard to be genuinely interested in someone (even if you truly are) when you get so turned inward to your own mind/world. It is hard to have that awareness or be able to live in the moment when there is the least bit of nervousness or anxiety (such as when you meet someone you find attractive). It is easy to be confident when I'm not nervous, the problem is that my comfort zone is very inelastic, and though I try to push out of it every chance I get, it just doesn't seem to grow. I've interacted with 3 live women in a flirtatious way since my separation, and with each I've always been so jittery they look at me like maybe I have a physical disability, I lose any ability to form intelligent speech, and end up turning inward completely unaware of what is going on outside my mind. I can practice these exercises all day and night, with people I have no sexual interest in its so easy, as soon as the conversation gets to something that could be taken as offensive I paralyze everytime.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Lon said:


> planet, I know that it is confidence, I've known it since I was 15. It is hard to be genuinely interested in someone (even if you truly are) when you get so turned inward to your own mind/world. It is hard to have that awareness or be able to live in the moment when there is the least bit of nervousness or anxiety (such as when you meet someone you find attractive). It is easy to be confident when I'm not nervous, the problem is that my comfort zone is very inelastic, and though I try to push out of it every chance I get, it just doesn't seem to grow. I've interacted with 3 live women in a flirtatious way since my separation, and with each I've always been so jittery they look at me like maybe I have a physical disability, I lose any ability to form intelligent speech, and end up turning inward completely unaware of what is going on outside my mind. I can practice these exercises all day and night, with people I have no sexual interest in its so easy, as soon as the conversation gets to something that could be taken as offensive I paralyze everytime.


Sounds like you need to lose the feeling that you think you need them in some manner because honestly you don't, in a sexual or relationship status anyway. Do not treat them that way though, always treat everyone with as much respect as you want from them. Be kind and curtious to everyone you can, say thank you to everyone for anything they do for you. Look them in the eye and say an honest thank you and you mean it because you made a conscience decision to appriciate what they did for you.

Practice on perfect strangers you are not intimadated by like the greeter at at the local grocers and the cashier and the person bagging your groceries and the greeter again as you leave. Maybe go buy a lotto ticket and thank the manager at the service desk, because you know they are higher up the totem pole maybe that will raise your confidence level. Make excuses to be nice, go out of your way.

Notice their name tag and take note of their name and rank, remember it(remember everyone loves their own name). Look them in the eye and say "Thank you very much, have a good weekend *insert name*". You have broken the ice now they will remember you. Next time say "Thank you *I* hope you have a good weekend *insert name*"...just barely more personal. Next time "Thank you very much *insert name*, I hope you and yours had a great holiday". Now you have instigated a genuine relationship with that person.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

planet, the problem is the more I practice being social in general the more I'm finding women I'm interested in are disappointed - and if I get to know them they eventually utter the words: "I wish you weren't so nervous, you need to be more confident". They think I'm an outgoing confident man then they see a shy nervous little passive boy, I can never live up to the first impressions I give out.

No the problem is I need to be less nervous and more confident when I meet a woman I want, not just people in general. So long as I am even a little bit familiar with a subject I am actually quite comfortable walking to the front of a room of dozens, or hundreds of people and making a presentation, even if I have to wing parts of it.

Practicing being more personal and approachable in person is backfiring, because it just seems to exaggerate my sense of how desperate I feel. I know I need to stop pinning an outcome to every interaction, I think what I honestly need to do is go up to stangers, especially attractive women and make offensive comments until I actually get comfortable offending (but of course that is not a nice thing to do to some one and the true gentlemen part of me would never permit me to do that).


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Oh yeah absolutely don't be creepy about anything. Say thank you and leave you don't need to hang around for their reaction, a moment at the most. Enough to make eye contact and that is it, if no eye contact walk away and maybe next time. 

The nametag thing works EVERYWHERE, waitstaff, mechanics, sales people...just remember where a womans name tag is, if you can't read it in a quick glance try again later. No lingering eyes lol.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

In response to the original question, yes I have been the kind of person who's always been desired/attracted attention from other men. I suppose one of the things that is most ego-crushing about what I've been through/am going through with my Common-Law H, is that the one special person that I've always really loved and valued and he doesn't seem to value, like, love or even respect me. 

With that said, I've always been a socially outgoing, seemingly confident person and take care of my appearance so (my goodness, how to write this without sounding like a conceited, self-absorbed douche) I've never had a hard time finding any male suitors. Even when not single and throughout this relationship with my H, I've picked up a lot of (unwanted) male attention simply by being personable.

I never relationship-hopped though and was never a serial dater. I take relationships pretty seriously (would never even consider a one-night-stand - even if on the rebound) so when one ends, need and take the time to recover and learn about myself before moving on to the next. 

All I've wanted was my H's attention though and he'd rather give it to other women on the Internet and porn. It hurt/s me every time to be hit on/admired by someone else when the one man I care about didn't/doesn't care. I feel foolish for staying and putting up with that for so long.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Lon said:


> planet, the problem is the more I practice being social in general the more I'm finding women I'm interested in are disappointed - and if I get to know them they eventually utter the words: "I wish you weren't so nervous, you need to be more confident". They think I'm an outgoing confident man then they see a shy nervous little passive boy, I can never live up to the first impressions I give out.
> 
> No the problem is I need to be less nervous and more confident when I meet a woman I want, not just people in general. So long as I am even a little bit familiar with a subject I am actually quite comfortable walking to the front of a room of dozens, or hundreds of people and making a presentation, even if I have to wing parts of it.
> 
> Practicing being more personal and approachable in person is backfiring, because it just seems to exaggerate my sense of how desperate I feel. I know I need to stop pinning an outcome to every interaction, I think what I honestly need to do is go up to stangers, especially attractive women and make offensive comments until I actually get comfortable offending (but of course that is not a nice thing to do to some one and the true gentlemen part of me would never permit me to do that).


It sounds to me you need to build you innerself by yourself. Is there something you have a passion for that you have been hiding? For me it was the music I wanted to listen to. Opera, classical, techno, house,...I was embarrased that it wasn't the hard metal I always listened to to be the tough guy. Because of my unemotional marriage I looked into myself for comfort and found a new me that enjoys listening to Lucianno Pavarotti or 4 strings as examples. Now I will rock any music I want when I wan't in front of anyone, I don't care.

Do you want to learn Tai chi, Hot Yoga, caligraphy, ninjitsu, interpretive dance, writing HTML...My point is do it who cares.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> In response to the original question, yes I have been the kind of person who's always been desired/attracted attention from other men. I suppose one of the things that is most ego-crushing about what I've been through/am going through with my Common-Law H, is that the one special person that I've always really loved and valued and he doesn't seem to value, like, love or even respect me.
> 
> With that said, I've always been a socially outgoing, seemingly confident person and take care of my appearance so (my goodness, how to write this without sounding like a conceited, self-absorbed douche) I've never had a hard time finding any male suitors. Even when not single and throughout this relationship with my H, I've picked up a lot of (unwanted) male attention simply by being personable.
> 
> ...


I am sorry to hear that Miss Taken. Emotional affairs can be harder than physical affairs because you have no tangible evidence as closure only pshycological memories as deceit. I am in the same boat, the mornings are the worst for me.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

If you two are being cheated on find a lawyer and go file for divorce. Trust me your pain wont end unless you end it yourself via divorce. 

Almost never will the cheater quit and be truly sorry.


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

I am really picky, so I had some time between relationships. I could have (and did a few times) had dates with 3 different guys in the same weekend, most weekend, but I was always kind of picky about taking it any further than a few dates.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I wouldn't let people get close to me as I grew up. There was just too much that I hid from. I lived with my grandmother before high school, in a community where I felt like an outsider for being half indian, and just thought of myself as someone that people wouldn't consider attractive. 

I moved back with my mother in high school and my world changed. I think it was a bad idea, but the girls would pick a designated 'sweetheart' each year to attend all dances and events. Suddenly had to go to every event, or dance. In college, I briefly worked on staff in a popular night club that was also a health club in the back, so I was able to meet a lot of people and get a start in an active social life.

When I first really got to know my wife, it was like I was hit by a ton of bricks. We briefly came close to divorce before I found this site, so I realized that the whole idea of another person being interested seems alien to me.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Haha, this is a funny question for me. Growing up (14-20) I had ZERO game and was totally oblivious about women. I was in really good shape (working out 6 days per week for 5 years) I'd routinely be told, after the fact, "so & so" really had the hots for you. I'd always wonder, how'd I miss that?!?! Then I met my ex wife and my self esteem went to he!!. I had put on a lot of weight. And that lowered my self esteem more (losing it now but still).

I consider myself fat but as my wife (current and last) describes me, I'm "beefy, strong, rugged and durable...just the way I like em". LOL. I know I have "a look" that some women really like but I don't see it (kinda like how James Gandolfini is hot to some women (not that I look like him but you get the idea)) I get hit on now, but I've never been comfortable with it. I think I get hit on 60/40 women to men LOL.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

I had horrible luck with women. In school, I was the chubby fat kid with ugly glasses. I was bullied horribly and jr. high and often felt like I might as well had been a talking tree because women had so little attraction to me. I was a really nice guy I guess. This seemed to attract a lot of very large women:nono:. Then one day I just got tired of it. I started working out and started to have more confidence in myself. Things got better in college with the attention but not by much. Interesting enough..more large women flock to me:scratchhead: I think I was a bit too nice. Also I think my lack of success stemmed from the fact that I'm kind of weird. Also I don't drink so I didn't do the party scene. I didn't like women who drank. And since I was always sober, when I went out to clubs with my friends I knew that if a attractive girl hit on me it was never because "she genuinely liked me." 

Things were better in Japan. But I think partly because anytime someone Japanese saw me they were seeing *Any random famous black athlete*, a rapper, a professional hip hop dancer, *any random black action star*, *any random black comedian*. I still couldn't do the whole playboy thing even with all the new found attention. Also I made it my mission to make sure people saw me as an individual. At first they thought it was weird how I wanted to constantly sing Billy Idol, Boy George, and Cyndi Lauper when we did karaoke. But soon the accepted my greatness and never questioned it again:allhail:


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Ever stop to think those "large women" maybe weren't superficial and were able to like you for you?


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

I notice so often i was shallow when i was younger. I only wanted the thin pretty blondes so badly did i want the "hot girls" and i never got them!!! I later realized that those girls are like 5% of the population. I was ignoring like 95% of the girls out there and that was foolish. Once i grew up i talked to all girls and felt that all girls who are NICE can be beautiful in a way. The "hot girls" were not into until my laters years of college and i was over wanting them also i was dating someone at that time for the most part.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Goldmember357 said:


> Like did you have very little down time from when one relationship ended to when the next began?
> 
> And when you were not in relationships did you have lots of dates or potential dates or people interested in you?
> 
> For me i never really had lots of girls interested in me until my last year in college. Sometimes wonder what its like to always be wanted


Nope. I was always the nice guy that none of the ladies ever was interested in "that way." Except for Mrs SandC.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Never had a problem in between relationships. Before my current SO, when I was newly single, I was pretty much overwhelmed by all the options I had immediately following the breakup. I started dating my boyfriend 3 months later.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> Ever stop to think those "large women" maybe weren't superficial and were able to like you for you?


Of course, all the time. But I work out a lot and I would prefer someone who has those same kinds of passions. Stands to reason that we would not be compatible. For other girls, we were not compatible because for other things, for them it was that. Despite having great personalities:yawn2:


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Hey FalconKing, I saw your photo in the social spot thread, you would totes have rocked the house in Japan! Kakui! 

I got really skinny in Japan, but still never bothered trying to buy pants. They don't make arses like mine over there.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> Ever stop to think those "large women" maybe weren't superficial and were able to like you for you?


But if you are not attracted to that, what good is it?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I consider myself attractive so yes, I have been desired a lot. 

Was never my thing to date a lot unless I really liked someone. Sure there were flings or 'things' but it's been very seldom in my life where I actually had those 'WOW' feelings for someone, so much that I want something serious with them.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

gbrad said:


> But if you are not attracted to that, what good is it?


Why the hate on large women. 

I'm a big guy and never was a fan of skinny girls. Never could go "all out", felt like I was going to break them (I know it's silly but it's how I felt). Plus having bones poking you while you're poking is no fun either.

As Sir Mix A Lot appropriately stated
"when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3"."


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Nobodies hating on anyone, really. Apparently I'm just supposed to like any girl who likes me. But the vice versa can be different.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Falcon, I wasn't speaking of you specifically, and you should NEVER "settle". Go for what is appealing to you, without a doubt. My wife has made me a firm believer in the need for attraction and chemistry for a great marriage.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> I never had to try. I was ( and still am) mostly oblivious to what attention was directed toward me by women. Things just always happened with little to no effort.


Being a woman, I'm alot like Joe. I was.....still am....oblivious to men staring at me, etc.

I had very little downtown between relationships in my life. Not because I didn't like to be by myself, but because men were interested in me, dating was fun for me, and I always just lived life to the fullest.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

southern wife said:


> Being a woman, I'm alot like Joe. I was.....still am....oblivious to men staring at me, etc.
> 
> I had very little downtown between relationships in my life. Not because I didn't like to be by myself, but because men were interested in me, dating was fun for me, *and I always just lived life to the fullest.*


:iagree:............


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Hey!
All you guys hatin on full figured women.

Nothing is wrong with them,
Mariah Carey, Adele just to name a few....

I love them!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Yup and not all it's cracked up to be. I often wonder what it would have been like to have been ignored more by men...


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Why the hate on large women.
> 
> I'm a big guy and never was a fan of skinny girls. Never could go "all out", felt like I was going to break them (I know it's silly but it's how I felt). Plus having bones poking you while you're poking is no fun either.
> 
> ...


I never said a rail thin skinny woman is what I was attracted to. I just was stating that if you are not attracted to someone who is larger, there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone is attracted to something different.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Caribbean Man said:


> Hey!
> All you guys hatin on full figured women.
> 
> Nothing is wrong with them,
> ...


yes Mariah Carey was hot. But she was not what i would consider a large woman. So, kinda different.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I've had enough attention from the age 14 and on to know that there are men out there who find me attractive. All the men who I've dated asked me out. I had my first boyfriend at age 15. He was a total rules breaking bad boy. So unlike the goody two shoes I was at the time. 

Most of the time, I'm oblivious to someone's attention unless he makes it very obvious. And if a guy comes on too aggressively, it's a complete turn off. I'm a one-man woman and very picky about who I date. 

These days I don't know who finds me attractive and don't care since I'm happily married. Over a year ago, a younger married colleague came on to me quite openly (giving unsolicited gifts; loads of compliments about my appearance; inviting me to after hours activities), but usually these days it's men who are much older than me (in their late 50s and early 60s) who seem to notice me. :rofl:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I don't think I have ever been the average female....when it comes to attraction...

I have always had crushes on the "He's so SHy" type of boys...I even liked red heads. My husband has told me to NOT even compare him to some of my crushes before I met him!

The cute geeky bookworms.... those who were intelligent & deep thinkers...but yet vulnerable enough to Open up & share themselves.....this is what would float my boat. 

I never cared how popular a guy was, how far he could throw a football, how tight his abs were/how big his muscles (too much was a total turn off to me), how much $$ he made, how fancy his car , or how many women falling at his feet either....

But if he could challenge my mind... a good listener/ engager, if he was the honest, faithful & true type, add some old fashionedness... and cute... I would be all over that.

I felt that way then...and I would still feel that way today...if I was on the prowl...that is. If he had long hair & played guitar with all of that going on, I would surely be smitten & salivating ~ greatest fantasy of my youth.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> Like did you have very little down time from when one relationship ended to when the next began?
> 
> And when you were not in relationships did you have lots of dates or potential dates or people interested in you?
> 
> For me i never really had lots of girls interested in me until my last year in college. Sometimes wonder what its like to always be wanted


In high school, I had a lot of down time and rarely ever got attention from males. I just was not desirable to them for what ever reason. That changed in college and suddenly I started getting a lot of attention. I was mostly oblivious to it all, but would notice it here and there that guys were actually checking me out. I was picky about who I would date though and didn't date that many men. I only had 2 long-term relationships before meeting my husband and one of them had cheated on me because I wouldn't have sex with him. That wasn't the best experience. I've noticed now that I still get attention, which I find weird with wearing my wedding ring. I actually got hit on by one of my professors, who stated that he would date me if I wasn't married, then winked at me and walked off. :scratchhead: That was awkward. Attention is fine, but the only attention I want is from my husband.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I was being desired by girls all the way back when I first entered school. I didn't know how to handle it back then, either than rejecting them because I didn't know how or what to do if I said yes to going out with them lol

In adulthood I never had any problems either, except when I'm IN relationships - where I tend to have problems and catfights etc etc, and I've rarely been turned down when I wanted sex. I've also married a nympho who insists that her high sex drive is my fault not hers, which I have no idea whether that's an excuse or a compliment.

My wife and I began as best friends for over a year however (as I was with another woman at that time), with an intense sexual tension that lasted until it... just... had... to... happen for both our sanities!!! The first intimate time together was the most mindblowing experience I've had for a long time, SO MUCH TENSION!!! lol


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> My wife and I began as best friends for over a year however (as I was with another woman at that time), with an intense sexual tension that lasted until it... just... had... to... happen for both our sanities!!! The first intimate time together was the most mindblowing experience I've had for a long time, SO MUCH TENSION!!! lol


Oh what memories can conjure up in us ~~ Keep it alive...









-made me think of this photo I had... like that old classic "Oh what a night" (by the 4 seasons)- at least you married your wife !


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah, even though it was all for the wrong reasons. She got pregnant lol


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Wow lucky people on here

It seems as if nobody ever stayed single for long. I was single for long periods of time even when i did not want to be but i never wanted to rush a relationship or just date someone. I had so many times in the past were i longed badly for a relationship when i got them i treated them so special.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

see i am odd. I never had problems in relationships never had bad relationships or got hurt or had drama. I suppose its because i am good at reading people and only dated those who met my standards. I guess that was a trade off for not being desired all the time.

Relationships always seemed so simple to me i see people destroy themselves its based off their poor choices. Idk i made it seemed good choices so when i dated i did not deal with drama because at the first sign of narcissism, or hedonistic behavior and materialism let alone lying i would leave or not talk to that girl anymore. Some people say that "being single is great" but in reality its not all humans desire intimacy and to be wanted. Being single may be great if you make poor choices in dating it may be great if you are not used to good relationships. But if you can have a good relationship and if you are in a great one than being single is not an option or something you'd want to do.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Oh, I don't know how lucky I am...I was all ready to stay single, then H came along! I may have benefitted from more alone time...


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I consider myself attractive so yes, I have been desired a lot.
> 
> Was never my thing to date a lot unless I really liked someone. Sure there were flings or 'things' but it's been very seldom in my life where I actually had those 'WOW' feelings for someone, so much that I want something serious with them.


But....but.....but I thought you wanted to have drinks with me! (((sniff))) 


 :toast:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Goldmember357 said:


> Wow lucky people on here
> 
> It seems as if nobody ever stayed single for long. I was single for long periods of time even when i did not want to be but i never wanted to rush a relationship or just date someone. I had so many times in the past were i longed badly for a relationship when i got them i treated them so special.


This is me, too. Although, I never had problems being single. I was never one of those people who "had" to have a boyfriend or relationship. That's why when I began dating and then married my ex, everyone was so surprised, shocked. Lol. I never ever thought I'd get married.



CandieGirl said:


> Oh, I don't know how lucky I am...I was all ready to stay single, then H came along! I may have benefitted from more alone time...


:rofl:



southern wife said:


> But....but.....but I thought you wanted to have drinks with me! (((sniff)))
> 
> 
> :toast:


Oh but I do! You know you're my wino sister!  If you're ever on the East coast, hit me up.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> This is me, too. Although, I never had problems being single. I was never one of those people who "had" to have a boyfriend or relationship. That's why when I began dating and then married my ex, everyone was so surprised, shocked. Lol. I never ever thought I'd get married.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


  Girl....... :wtf: I LIVE on the East coast! :rofl: Well..about 2 hours from the Atlantic!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Goldmember357 said:


> Relationships always seemed so simple to me i see people destroy themselves its based off their poor choices. Idk i made it seemed good choices so when i dated i did not deal with drama because at the first sign of narcissism, or hedonistic behavior and materialism let alone lying i would leave or not talk to that girl anymore.


Teach me. Guide me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

southern wife said:


> Girl....... :wtf: I LIVE on the East coast! :rofl: Well..about 2 hours from the Atlantic!


Oh la! Hmm... it would be funny if we were neighborly-or rather in close proximity!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Oh la! Hmm... it would be funny if we were neighborly-or rather in close proximity!


Indeed it would!!!


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Physically desired yes, desired on an emotional and mental level, never. I get men who pay hundreds of $$$ to spend an hour with me, but can't meet one who wants to bring me home to meet the family.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> Physically desired yes, desired on an emotional and mental level, never. I get men who pay hundreds of $$$ to spend an hour with me, but can't meet one who wants to bring me home to meet the family.


i'm not trying to be crass but are you in the sex trade or a stripper - something like that? I'm just wondering about the "hundreds of $$$ to spend an hour with me". That could be why a guy would not take you home to meet his family.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> Being single may be great if you make poor choices in dating it may be great if you are not used to good relationships. But if you can have a good relationship and if you are in a great one than being single is not an option or something you'd want to do.


That's me in a nutshell. I have made very poor choices in mates. I have taken a LOT of time away from dating and will be taking more time to figure myself out. I am still technically married but my stbxh and I haven't lived together for years. The divorce will be finalized this year though. It's a very good thing and I have enjoyed being single. I am afraid to ever get involved again because of my bad choices.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

in my tree said:


> i'm not trying to be crass but are you in the sex trade or a stripper - something like that? I'm just wondering about the "hundreds of $$$ to spend an hour with me". That could be why a guy would not take you home to meet his family.


I was an escort for a short bit, but honestly, I feel like my 'worst' behavior was long before that. My therapist actually told me that he respected me for taking that step into escorting, because it showed that I was at least feeling some "value" for myself. Anyway I am starting to feel like it has (or should have) no bearing on anything. I know of PLENTY of women who have been, or are strippers that have loving boyfriends/husbands. I even know of ex-escorts who have loving husbands. I am a really cool, fun, responsible and successful woman now. Its just something about me, I don't know if its a self fulfilling prophecy, or if I am just completely incapable of having a relationship, or what :scratchhead: I am working on it though.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

I doubt that you are incapable. Maybe you just haven't really met "the" guy yet. If your escorting days are behind you and you are working on yourself, then it just may be a matter of time.


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

I was always "desired".....because I was always the virgin LOL. I grew up in a neighborhood of easy girls who took turns with all the guys around. My friends and I (a few of which were VERY promiscuous) always hung out with a crew of guys..... my best friend and I (who was another virgin that the other girls liked to crack jokes about) were CONSTANTLY getting tried and hit on by the guys in the crew. The other girls absolutely HATED it. Here they were giving away all the goods yet we got all the attention LOL. Eventually one came along that took my virginity, got me preggo, then bounced to another state..... After him, I never put up with crap from men again.... I think that's why I was desired.... I never gave in. Never let a man feed me bs. Always stayed true to myself and didn't care what people thought about it. But while I was desired, it was for the wrong reasons. They all just wanted what they couldn't have. I was never wanted in the "she's the prettiest most popular girl around) but rather, she's the kinda hot tomboy that won't give it up, plays xbox with the guys and listens to our kind of music lol.....


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I did get a lot of attention when I was growing up but to be honest, I didn't have a lot of girlfriends. I was the one who was approached 90% of the time but I guess I was just too intimidated. I was somewhat shy and not the most outgoing person in the world. I just figured I wouldn't be "boyfriend material" so why waste their time?. After I graduated from University and "came into being" if I may say, I've received attention from women who I can humbly say are WAY out of my league. But I'm not complaining lol.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Complexity said:


> I did get a lot of attention when I was growing up but to be honest, I didn't have a lot of girlfriends. I was the one who was approached 90% of the time but I guess I was just too intimidated. I was somewhat shy and not the most outgoing person in the world. I just figured I wouldn't be "boyfriend material" so why waste their time?. After I graduated from University and "came into being" if I may say, I've received attention from women who I can humbly say are WAY out of my league. But I'm not complaining lol.


Nice problem to have.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Yes. Pretty much since I hit puberty. I was never alone, I always had the next guy to take his place. I was never single for long. 

I am 34 now and have been married 15 years. My husband used to get mad when guys would check me out when we were out together.( I didn't pay much attention to them and didn't really notice, until my husband would mention it).

I wish that I would have spent more time alone!!


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

When I was younger in my (late tens), I really struggled getting a girlfriend. Looking back I can contribute this to having a massive fear of rejection, I therefore tried to avoid situations were I would come into social contact with girls. I missed out on lads holidays ( I always had to come up with an excuse not to go) and if my fiends were going to a night club, I'd always dread going. I never said anything about my fears to my mates, but I think they started to suspect I was gay !

Two of my mates were very successful with getting girls. I even remember them telling me once that out of our group they all thought I was the best looking lad and were amazed at my total lack of success with the girls.

As I've gotten older I realised I suffered with a lack of self confidence when I was younger. Since then I've become very successful in my career reaching the top of the ladder in my profession. Realising that I had the ability to become good at something and to be successful (even if it is only work) has given me the confidence that I lacked in my younger years. I honestly don't know if I was always desirable because I spent a lot of my energy avoiding girls when I was younger. I am now extremely confident (not arrogant ) and am no longer phased by having to talk to women. I have since discovered that a lot of women consider me a real good package deal, looks, personality and successful in my career. 

It makes me wonder where I would be now, or what I would be like as a person if I had always had this confidence?

I suppose the one thing that actually stops me fromregretting the what ifs, is the fact that I wouldn't have my wife, who quite honestly, I wouldn't swap for anybody!


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