# Throwing in the Towel



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I spoke with my attorney about getting a motion in place to leave the state. I will not bore you TAM readers with the details of my case other than:

I am male
I have primary physical custody of all of our six kids
I work as a professional
I am just plain tired of being "F'd" with

My attorney has advised against it. My parters have advised against it. Maybe I'm just feeling a tad self-destructive, I don't know. I am just tired of all the courts and fighting.

I guess I mistakingly think I can go home, even though I know home doesn't exist anymore. I'm from the Midwest, and I have been on the west coast for well over 20 years. I have never really cared for it, but I stayed because her family was here. Now, I'm just feeling a need for some distance.

I just have no social support here. All I've ever did was work, church, and fight. Now that I have custody of my kids, I no longer train, and as I've been out of the "game" for over a year, my calls and contacts from my friends and instructors have became less and less over the months. I just never have time anymore.

I'm lonely, plain and simple. I feel cut-off and isolated. My office manager said last week that I'm a "tremendous catch, until I open my mouth". I had her walk me through that and she said, "I'm too caught up in the details of this divorce to distance myself and move on". I explained to her that I can't date, because I'm still married. She just said, "you need to". 

I hear what she's saying, and I'm torn up inside over it because receptive women are everywhere. I just honestly feel I shouldn't. Her advice was to let myself be "corrupted a little bit". I've just seen to many men in my position train wreck their lives on that road. I would date a professional peer, but with six kids I'm not going to be able to land that despite my looks. That leaves just someone who isn't an equal *been there did that and it was disastrous, or a "F buddy". 

The other dilemma I am having is this: when I was first separated, and given a kick out order, I had more money and time than I have ever had in my life. However, my kids were miserable. Now that I have custody, I have neither money or time. I have no life. She's at the coast with her friends this weekend. She was there last weekend, and probably will be again next. All I friggin do is work and write checks.

I do want my kids as they are thriving under my care, but I also need some support. I haven't had a weekend off in over 10 months. I don't think I'm selfish, just human. Her whole endgame is simply attrition. She failed at custody in under 3 months. and that was with my support. I know what I'd be sentencing my kids to, so I press on. Any thoughts? 

*fighter on the ropes

LIL


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Keep it up for the children, happiness is waiting around the corner for you (an me too, hopefully) Your children see the sacrafice and they will reward you beyond compare. But make and take time fr yourself, even if just for a long drive.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I well understand where you are coming from. I keep asking if the nightmare, which I've lived in for six years, will ever end. Everyone keeps telling me I must be patient--it's so hard. Some days I feel as though doing nothing equals giving up. But, then I'm reminded of so many Bible verses on this very subject where we must have faith and wait on the will of Heaven. Your best advice to this question will come from your faith, since you are a Christian. 

Although I don't have much for close friends anymore, I do have family. My family has been a blessing during this ordeal. They have been holding my hand every step of the way and defending me against all the horrible gossip. I'm sorry you have no close family nearby. How would a move like that effect your children? 

You sound as though you are very exhausted. Is there some way you could take a nice vacation with the children? 

May tomorrow be a brighter day for all of us. Prayers for you and your children.


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