# Vibarator/porn



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Porn to a man is like a vibarator is to a woman.

agree or disagree?


Alot of women indicate that they don't like the thought of men using porn because they can't compaire to the thin pretty women used in porn.


so wouldn't that be the same or simmilar to women who use toys to masterbate with? Men can't measure up to a vib that goes 1000"s of rpms or a very large toy. 

I know its not exactly the same but its kinda the same.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

oooh clever i can see the similarity you're pointing out. but then again, i don't have an issue with porn as long as it isn't kept a secret.
i'm curious to see the opinions of those who are against porn.
I think those who can't stand porn will have a different view from those who don't mind it. 

so, my vote is agree...unless someone poses a REALLY great argument for why I shouldn't agree


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

A lot of people disagree with porn because of the social aspect, however. The abuse of people in the field, the dehumanizing of women, etc. In terms of the impact to a couples sex life however, I can see the similarities. Except for the fact that porn CAN raise unreasonable fantasies in some guys. But if a guy is intelligent enough to separate fantasy (I.e. Watching a movie) for reality, they're close. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## married woman (May 4, 2011)

I totally see your point with this. I also have noticed if I use my vibrator a lot, it becomes harder for me to orgasm during sex. It is almost like I am a little more numb there. Does anyone else have this experience? That would relate to porn as well since porn can definitely make it harder to be satisfied during intercourse.
I guess the difference, though, is that my husband bought my vibrator for me, encourages me to use it and uses it with me pretty often. It completely turns him on to see me use it. His pornography use was a secret and discovered by accident after 10 years of it going on during our marriage. Not sure how that would relate...


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

PBear said:


> A lot of people disagree with porn because of the social aspect, however. The abuse of people in the field, the dehumanizing of women, etc. In terms of the impact to a couples sex life however, I can see the similarities. Except for the fact that porn CAN raise unreasonable fantasies in some guys. But if a guy is intelligent enough to separate fantasy (I.e. Watching a movie) for reality, they're close.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lets try not to get into the moral aspect of porn. lets try to stay in the comparison I laid out in the orignal post.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

married woman said:


> I totally see your point with this. I also have noticed if I use my vibrator a lot, it becomes harder for me to orgasm during sex. It is almost like I am a little more numb there. Does anyone else have this experience? That would relate to porn as well since porn can definitely make it harder to be satisfied during intercourse.
> I guess the difference, though, is that my husband bought my vibrator for me, encourages me to use it and uses it with me pretty often. It completely turns him on to see me use it. His pornography use was a secret and discovered by accident after 10 years of it going on during our marriage. Not sure how that would relate...


I know what you mean, I'd develop some sort of orgasm tolerance after using the vibrator. i'd have to put it away and just do it the old fashioned way to keep me from growing immune to manual stimulation.

you mentioned porn being a secret but your vibrator was in the open...I TOTALLY get that. i hate secret porn but I am fine with it in the open. just like vibrators


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I actually think if a woman can orgasm without a vibrator then she is better off not using one.

However a certain amount of women - quite a big percentage, can never orgasm and some rarely, some need extra stimulation, so just in being able to orgasm alone women have more reason to use a vibrator.

You cannot leave the moral argument out of this one, because that is one of the biggest reasons why porn is not OK. That is the major reason why a vibrator is nothing like porn and they are not comparable.

It is just a piece of plastic, not a real person. 

In all cases husbands and wives should be trying to connect to each other not adding third parties.


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## married woman (May 4, 2011)

There are also probably alot of women out there that keep their vibrators hidden so it is a secret. Wonder how often that situation occurs and would that relate more to secret porn use? I typically even text my husband when I am getting ready to use it because I know what a turn on it is for him.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Syrum said:


> I actually think if a woman can orgasm without a vibrator then she is better off not using one.
> 
> However a certain amount of women - quite a big percentage, can never orgasm and some rarely, some need extra stimulation, so just in being able to orgasm alone women have more reason to use a vibrator.
> 
> ...



there porn that dose not fit into your classification of sex trade/slave .

educational videos and amature stuff posted by the people who were in it themselves.

even glamor magazine could be used as a masterbation aid for most guys.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Darn I thought this was going to be a suggestion thread. LOL


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

some people prefer to get off and go:
orgasm faster with a vibrator than with fingers or whatever
orgasm faster with viewing porn than using imagination

don't expect your man to compete with your vibrator and don't use it so much as to wear out your lady bits by vibrating them til they're numb.

don't expect your woman to compete with the craziness of porn and don't use it so much that you dull out your fascination with your flesh and blood wife.

and above all other things...whatever your masterbatory methods may be,always be open and honest about them with your lover so you can make sure they are comfortable with everything.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> there porn that dose not fit into your classification of sex trade/slave .
> 
> educational videos and amature stuff posted by the people who were in it themselves.
> 
> even glamor magazine could be used as a masterbation aid for most guys.


I don't believe in our current climate that women or their bodies are respected. Any porn viewed is viewed by people in a social environment where women are public property and there is even debate on this forum about if it's ok for men to use the woman he just saw at the grocery store for masturbation purposes. I think that women are seen as f^&*able objects and throw away interchangeable people, and hold little value and are somehow seen as abstract when caught on film. When in fact they are real people. real people do not compare to pieces of plastic, real people, who laugh and cry, have families and jobs, go to the toilet etc...

I think men need to start respecting women and treating them as if they are people first and that their most important role is not how you rate them in your head.

Men also need to stop thinking it's their right to use women sexually, using women in porn turns them into a commodity, and I don't believe human beings should be for sale, especially not in such intimate and degrading ways. 

I believe if men really thought that day in day out all over the television, all over magazines, all over the internet and so on and on, that women were lusting after and comparing their men to other guys Giant hard unrealisitic penises that they may not feel so good about it either. This is not an every day reality for men, but the pornification of women is a reality for women.

Everything is pornified, and most people are so oblivious to the pornification of society and have lost all ideas about what should be publicly shared and what should be private that they don't blink an eye when it is shoved right in their face. 

Porn is nothing like a vibrator and never will be.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> Lets try not to get into the moral aspect of porn. lets try to stay in the comparison I laid out in the orignal post.


Then I would argue they're not very close at all... One provides purely mental stimulation, one provides purely physical stimulation. Either one can provide difficult to meet expectations in an "unhealthy" sexual relationship, and either one can be a fun part of a "healthy" sexual relationship. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Syrum said:


> You cannot leave the moral argument out of this one, because that is one of the biggest reasons why porn is not OK. That is the major reason why a vibrator is nothing like porn and they are not comparable.
> 
> It is just a piece of plastic, not a real person.


Have we considered that the vibrators may be made by underpaid workers with no benefits in essentially sweatshop conditions?

Would that even out the morality arguments?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> some people prefer to get off and go:
> orgasm faster with a vibrator than with fingers or whatever
> orgasm faster with viewing porn than using imagination
> 
> ...


I like this response! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

WhiteRabbit said:


> some people prefer to get off and go:
> orgasm faster with a vibrator than with fingers or whatever
> orgasm faster with viewing porn than using imagination
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*I think that women are seen as f^&*able objects and throw away interchangeable people, and hold little value and are somehow seen as abstract when caught on film. When in fact they are real people. real people do not compare to pieces of plastic, real people, who laugh and cry, have families and jobs, go to the toilet etc...*

Hmmmm... are the men in porn flicks also ****able objects? Or are they just pigs paid to degrade women? (Who also get paid...). And they are only as real as actors on t.v. They are just choosing to act naked and sexually. 

Regarding the original question... They're the same. An assist for orgasm. Not personal, not even real... just an assist. It's only a problem when either person prefers the assist over their spouse.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> some people prefer to get off and go:
> orgasm faster with a vibrator than with fingers or whatever
> orgasm faster with viewing porn than using imagination
> 
> ...


the voice of reason!!!!!!:iagree:


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

PBear said:


> I like this response!
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





chillymorn said:


> the voice of reason!!!!!!:iagree:


Then it's decided!

We're a sexualized society. Not just the US, but most of the globe. Men in ads, whether it's for jeans, shaving cream, shoes, etc. are barechested hunks. Men in tv and movies are good-looking. Why? It sure as hell isn't for the pleasure of the male viewing audience. The sexualization is a two-way street. Both porn and vibes are part of that.

The sex toy market is pretty darned large, and it's geared towards the sexual gratification of women; almost the exact opposite of the porn industry. Each serves a purpose to fill what either sex craves. As said above, as long as people aren't getting desensitized to their partners and their natural orgasmic abilities then it CAN be pretty harmless and fun.

One is mental, and one is physical, but they are used in a very similar manner.


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## married woman (May 4, 2011)

Ok...lets say we agree to this. Do we also agree that when it's done in secret or without your spouses knowledge that it can cause relationship issues? I know when I found out about the pornography, I felt like he was only giving me a portion of his sexuality. I felt cheated and hurt by his decision to do it without me knowing. It also made me feel like I didn't really know who he was and what else he may be keeping from me. It's a long road to get back from so I'm willing to agree with your thoughts on pornography but hope you can see the point that I am making....secrets and habits that you have that your spouse isn't aware of can create huge trust issues. Women need openenss and honesty to feel safe and loved and viewing and masturbating to porn in secret doesn't create that.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

married woman said:


> Ok...lets say we agree to this. Do we also agree that when it's done in secret or without your spouses knowledge that it can cause relationship issues? I know when I found out about the pornography, I felt like he was only giving me a portion of his sexuality. I felt cheated and hurt by his decision to do it without me knowing. It also made me feel like I didn't really know who he was and what else he may be keeping from me. It's a long road to get back from so I'm willing to agree with your thoughts on pornography but hope you can see the point that I am making....secrets and habits that you have that your spouse isn't aware of can create huge trust issues. Women need openenss and honesty to feel safe and loved and viewing and masturbating to porn in secret doesn't create that.


that's my WHOLE issue with porn,vibrators,etc....they're usually used in secret and that is WRONG.
If it's all put on the table and communication is honest and expectations are reasonable then have at it with the porn and vibrators.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> Porn to a man is like a vibarator is to a woman.
> 
> agree or disagree?
> 
> ...


I think porn is porn and a vibrator is a vibrator. You can use one the same as she does if you can't get it up. I get your point however.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

married woman said:


> Ok...lets say we agree to this. Do we also agree that when it's done in secret or without your spouses knowledge that it can cause relationship issues? I know when I found out about the pornography, I felt like he was only giving me a portion of his sexuality. I felt cheated and hurt by his decision to do it without me knowing. It also made me feel like I didn't really know who he was and what else he may be keeping from me. It's a long road to get back from so I'm willing to agree with your thoughts on pornography but hope you can see the point that I am making....secrets and habits that you have that your spouse isn't aware of can create huge trust issues. Women need openenss and honesty to feel safe and loved and viewing and masturbating to porn in secret doesn't create that.


Seems fair.

We occasionally use a vibrator during sex. Maybe every two or three weeks. Usually I go down on her first instead. 

When I am on trips she has the vibrator available. It is not a secret. I don't demand to know when she uses it however. That just might be creepy. Never gave it a second thought.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

married woman said:


> Ok...lets say we agree to this. Do we also agree that when it's done in secret or without your spouses knowledge that it can cause relationship issues? I know when I found out about the pornography, I felt like he was only giving me a portion of his sexuality. I felt cheated and hurt by his decision to do it without me knowing. It also made me feel like I didn't really know who he was and what else he may be keeping from me. It's a long road to get back from so I'm willing to agree with your thoughts on pornography but hope you can see the point that I am making....secrets and habits that you have that your spouse isn't aware of can create huge trust issues. Women need openenss and honesty to feel safe and loved and viewing and masturbating to porn in secret doesn't create that.


yep, wholeheartedly agree


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> that's my WHOLE issue with porn,vibrators,etc....they're usually used in secret and that is WRONG.
> If it's all put on the table and communication is honest and expectations are reasonable then have at it with the porn and vibrators.


I think a fair % of women aren't into masterbating. Mostly because it was taught to be wrong instead of healthy.

so when their new husband says I just rubbed one out in the shower she might act repulsed and then he quickly goes under ground with all masterbation.

and I also think that women are so sfarid to tell their new husband ....hey I really don't orgasm with you because I never masterbated so I don't even know what to tell you I like.so I just bought this vib because its easyier to just put it on my clit than to discover what I really like.

lot of awakward conversations there and unfortnatly most people adviod.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> I think a fair % of women aren't into masterbating. Mostly because it was taught to be wrong instead of healthy.
> 
> so when their new husband says I just rubbed one out in the shower she might act repulsed and then he quickly goes under ground with all masterbation.
> 
> ...


There was another thread recently about masturbation in women - and the point that our society seems to push this belief that women need to be masturbating in order to come in to some kind of sexual awakening and "get to know their bodies". I don't think a woman necessarily needs to masturbate to do that - actually I think that is what a spouse's "job" is - to help make those discoveries with their partner.

I've no idea how many women masturbate or not because there's wide variability in sexual desire - even within the same woman over a period of time. I do, however, think that both spouses should work with each other to become familiar with and comfortable with each other's sexuality, and I'm not for hiding things. If there's sensitivity on one partner's part, then you just have to work toward opening that door together more slowly.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> There was another thread recently about masturbation in women - and the point that our society seems to push this belief that women need to be masturbating in order to come in to some kind of sexual awakening and "get to know their bodies". I don't think a woman necessarily needs to masturbate to do that - actually I think that is what a spouse's "job" is - to help make those discoveries with their partner.
> 
> If only one spouse is interested then what?
> 
> ...



Hiding things are bad I agree but if they arn't willing to try thats whats happens.

Hey hon since you don't want to make love tonight I guess I'll have to just rub one out......................after 15 mins in the bedroom by your self you can come out and say WOW I am good.wish you were there!

Kind of hard to rub one out thinking about your refusing spouse.

thats where the porn comes in.


I don't like you looking at porn...............but I just don't want to make love:scratchhead:


crazy just crazy


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Syrum said:


> I actually think if a woman can orgasm without a vibrator then she is better off not using one.


Agree! 

I have never tried one! 

But if they can make one like human flesh, I might want to try! 

The real one and the fake one at the same time!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

In a healthy relationship, couples do things openly and honestly! 

If the husband and wife have to do things secretly from each other, it shows that there are problems in this relationship! 

But sometimes one forces the other one to do things secretly, whose fault is it? 

I think men like to watch their wives playing with vibrators, it is a turn on! 

Why don't women just watch porn with their husbands together, then they don't have to do it secretly! 

Feeling threatened by screens is really unnecessary, you have what they have, you have what they don't have.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Definitely agree with White Rabbit's post!

And that porn is a visual stimulant. Vibes are a physical stimulant. So for that reason I don't think they're the same. Despite different stances on these things, there are men and women that enjoy watching porn. Just as there are men and women that enjoy using sex toys. Am I missing the point?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I personally find it very sad and distressing that some would take advantage of others and or dismiss their suffering for their own sexual pleasure, which can be found elsewhere. So to me porn is out.

However if vibrators are out, does that make anything that is not a penis out also, because that would include hands, water, mouths etc. Women are at a disadvantage because they do have more trouble cumming.

Lastly it is obvious just from reading this sight that porn wreaks havoc on many marriages, and even when some women watch and enjoy it themselves a little it can be harmful to their self esteem.

I think I have seen 3 or 4 posts about vibrators replacing husbands in the whole time I have been here, yet the posts that come on a daily basis about issues with porn and men not wanting their wives any more, or having unrealistic expectations because of porn happen on a daily basis, often many times a day. I think based on that alone we can clearly ascertain that porn is far more harmful.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Syrum said:


> I personally find it very sad and distressing that some would take advantage of others and or dismiss their suffering for their own sexual pleasure, which can be found elsewhere. So to me porn is out.


You stress yourself out by thinking like this! 

People are going to make porn and watch porn, it is a fact. 

This is a society full of lots of unfair things.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> You stress yourself out by thinking like this!
> 
> People are going to make porn and watch porn, it is a fact.
> 
> This is a society full of lots of unfair things.


Yes and my values tell me that I should not ignore it. I don't think that is a good and healthy thing to do, a society run by people with their heads in the sand is a blind one. Lots of terrible things happen and we should not ignore any of them.

I care about many issues not just porn but it is a big one and one that i think should be discussed and not dismissed because it makes people uncomfortable that they have taken advantage of other peoples suffering just for their own sexual gratification.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Syrum said:


> Yes and my values tell me that I should not ignore it. I don't think that is a good and healthy thing to do, a society run by people with their heads in the sand is a blind one. Lots of terrible things happen and we should not ignore any of them.
> 
> I care about many issues not just porn but it is a big one and one that i think should be discussed and not dismissed because it makes people uncomfortable that they have taken advantage of other peoples suffering just for their own sexual gratification.



It's great that you have such kind heart! 

Do you think that people can be able to convince those women not to be porn stars? 

Why would those women be in the porn? 

This is something I am pondering! 

Are they being forced into making the porn? 

Or do they do it by their own will?


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Syrum said:


> Yes and my values tell me that I should not ignore it. I don't think that is a good and healthy thing to do, a society run by people with their heads in the sand is a blind one. Lots of terrible things happen and we should not ignore any of them.
> 
> I care about many issues not just porn but it is a big one and one that i think should be discussed and not dismissed because it makes people uncomfortable that they have taken advantage of other peoples suffering just for their own sexual gratification.


Several responses come to mind, but, frankly, I'm not interested in trying to engage in conversation with a proverbial brick wall again.

I would, however, just like to say (because the timing is right) that you may want to reconsider using one of your go-to reference sources as being unreliable. Last night, I just happened to re-watch a portion of the _Shatner's Raw Nerve_ episode featuring Jenna Jameson. Taped 4 years after the release of her book, she didn't paint the horror story that your excerpts of the book do. In fact, at one point, referring to her time in porn, her exact quote was, "I loved my job."

So, it would appear that she is an unreliable source to be used on either side of the porn debate, as her statements vary, and may depend on the audience she's playing to at any given moment.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Grayson said:


> Several responses come to mind, but, frankly, I'm not interested in trying to engage in conversation with a proverbial brick wall again.
> 
> I would, however, just like to say (because the timing is right) that you may want to reconsider using one of your go-to reference sources as being unreliable. Last night, I just happened to re-watch a portion of the _Shatner's Raw Nerve_ episode featuring Jenna Jameson. Taped 4 years after the release of her book, she didn't paint the horror story that your excerpts of the book do. In fact, at one point, referring to her time in porn, her exact quote was, "I loved my job."
> 
> So, it would appear that she is an unreliable source to be used on either side of the porn debate, as her statements vary, and may depend on the audience she's playing to at any given moment.


That was not my only source and I have posted many. feel free to discredit those.

However she did in fact say she loved her job but she still said all of the other things too. She did mention all of those awful things, but again even though they are awful, some really too awful to think about, we brush them aside because she "loves her job" 

Funny how people who make money from something want to promote it as being better then it really is, but if you take a little peak beneath the surface you can see the huge cracks there. 

If people want to do something selfish, that is really bad for them and others, they will find any reason to justify it. All the more so because it is tied to their sexuality and no one wants to have that critiqued.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Syrum said:


> That was not my only source and I have posted many. feel free to discredit those.
> 
> However she did in fact say she loved her job but she still said all of the other things too. She did mention all of those awful things, but again even though they are awful, some really too awful to think about, we brush them aside because she "loves her job"
> 
> ...


she loved her job but it had some down falls!

whos job don't?

I didn't start this thread to discuss the pro and cons of porn I realize some people are aginst it and that is fine with me BUT i asked if we could stay with the subject and you always have to turn the porn thing into an argument.

WE GET IT YOU FIND PORN BAD. 

bad for women, bad for men, bad for relationships.

I still believe porn is to men as vibs are to women.

or romance novels are to women.


big double standard here. 

I've seen it time and time again on this board if a husband wants to make love and the wife don't. then he should just suck it up.

but when reversed not the same answer.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

<<---- used to read erotic novels to stimulate the sexual part of my mind...


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> she loved her job but it had some down falls!
> 
> whos job don't?
> 
> ...


How can it be the same thing when no actual living person is used when a vibrator or novel is used?

I also if you read my posts don't advocate treading those novels either. I think spouses should work at turning each other on and focus on each other. 

And you failed to address why so few men really feel threatened by vibrators and there are hardly any posts about that subject and yet there are so many posts about the massive problems with porn? * It's weird that people will deny something that is posted on this board every day.*

I wouldn't use any thing my fiance wasn't comfortable with.

If you also think I advocate a husband sucking it up when he is in a sexless marriage or near sexless marriage then you obviously only read what you want to read. 

I personally believe that if you want someone to promise to be faithful, then you should be making a big effort when it comes to sex. I don't withhold myself, and even if I have been really tired or upset about something I know that sex benefits both of us and am all ways open to it and meeting his needs.

Oh and this thread is comparing porn to vibrators, you can't really compare them when leaving out most of the reasons why one is bad. Moreover someone just came in quoted me and made comments towards me that I answered them.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Again, Syrum, I'm not interested in having the same fruitless discussion.

While missing (ignoring?) the point I was making, you paradoxically made it for me. Yes, Jenna painted a horror story picture in her book...while not painting that same picture in other interviews and recountings of her history. This is what makes her an unreliable resource...her story tends to change, based upon the forum for telling it.

Feel free to make of that what you will.

Chillymorn, sorry for the slight thread hijack. I just happened to see part of that particular _Raw Nerve_ episode again last night, and took the opportunity to bring it up. I should have known from past experience what I would be unleashing. My humblest apologies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Grayson said:


> Again, Syrum, I'm not interested in having the same fruitless discussion.
> 
> While missing (ignoring?) the point I was making, you paradoxically made it for me. Yes, Jenna painted a horror story picture in her book...while not painting that same picture in other interviews and recountings of her history. This is what makes her an unreliable resource...her story tends to change, based upon the forum for telling it.
> 
> ...


It's great that you are not interested in having the same "fruitless discussion" yet you brought it up and apparently you saying that negates anything I have to say about it. In other words you wish to bring it up, say what you will and have me be quiet. 


Hmmm.

Oh and if you wish to make another separate thread I'm happy to address what you said in detail.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Syrum said:


> It's great that you are not interested in having the same "fruitless discussion" yet you brought it up and apparently you saying that negates anything I have to say about it. In other words you wish to bring it up, say what you will and have me be quiet.


No...I was just letting you know that one of your resources may be less than reliable, without going into the greater issue at all. Nothing more, nothing less.



> Oh and if you wish to make another separate thread I'm happy to address what you said in detail.


Thanks for the offer, but I don't wish to.

Now, can we let chillymorn's topic resume as I again apologize for the threadjack?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mayatatia (Jul 3, 2011)

Just wondering??? 
Would a husband be upset if wifey only watched porn that had hunky well endowed men having sex with ugly women? Porn doesn't bother me as long as it's in the open. Vibrators don't bother me as long as it's in the open.... btw how many men used vibrators themselves??? mmmmm???? food for thought!


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

mayatatia said:


> Just wondering???
> Would a husband be upset if wifey only watched porn that had hunky well endowed men having sex with ugly women? Porn doesn't bother me as long as it's in the open. Vibrators don't bother me as long as it's in the open.... btw how many men used vibrators themselves??? mmmmm???? food for thought!


/raises hand

One given to me by my wife.

As to the first part of your question, given the option, my wife prefers lesbian porn to straight. I can't say that I disagree with her in finding the female form more visually appealing than the male.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

mayatatia said:


> Just wondering???
> Would a husband be upset if wifey only watched porn that had hunky well endowed men having sex with ugly women? Porn doesn't bother me as long as it's in the open. Vibrators don't bother me as long as it's in the open.... btw how many men used vibrators themselves??? mmmmm???? food for thought!


you mean the men arn't good looking?

never noticed

I don't really care for porn and if I watch it its amature or women masterbating.you can tell if its amature because the people are not the best looking or in perfect shape. I've learned alot watching women masterbating.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

mayatatia said:


> Just wondering???
> Would a husband be upset if wifey only watched porn that had hunky well endowed men having sex with ugly women? Porn doesn't bother me as long as it's in the open. Vibrators don't bother me as long as it's in the open.... btw how many men used vibrators themselves??? mmmmm???? food for thought!


I watch gay porn and read gay erotica, my husband doesn't mind it, he is just grossed! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: He doesn't care if they have big penises or strong bodies, as long as I get aroused so he can have fun with me, go for it! 

If the porn has female stars in it, I want the female stars to have beautiful skin and sexy body, it is a beautiful scene. If the stars are not attractive, I am not interested in watching it! I am different, I see those stars with sexy bodies, and their sexy bodies are really good looking, I want it too! Then I work hard to achieve what they have. I am not jealous of them, I want to be like them! Beautiful and sexy! 

I am not addicted to porn! I watch it once a month maybe! I can live with it or without it! No big deal! If there is porn, I take advantage of it! If there is no porn, I will find other ways to get excited!


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

Syrum said:


> If you also think I advocate a husband sucking it up when he is in a sexless marriage or near sexless marriage then you obviously only read what you want to read.



This is funny. You, obviously, only read what you want to read. She didn't identify YOU, or even imply that you are one of those people. Man, you have a tendency to put words in people's mouths.

As to the whole porn thing, I'm no advocate but I'm sure not militant like you. I respect your views, as I've said before, but I also think you are a broken record. I think you lessen any persuasive impact you might otherwise have by constantly beating the drum at any and every opportunity. When people hear the same thing from the same person at a constant clip they tend to stop listening. Just some constructive criticism.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> I've learned alot watching women masterbating.


me too  jk


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

piqued said:


> This is funny. You, obviously, only read what you want to read. She didn't identify YOU, or even imply that you are one of those people. Man, you have a tendency to put words in people's mouths.
> 
> As to the whole porn thing, I'm no advocate but I'm sure not militant like you. I respect your views, as I've said before, but I also think you are a broken record. I think you lessen any persuasive impact you might otherwise have by constantly beating the drum at any and every opportunity. When people hear the same thing from the same person at a constant clip they tend to stop listening. Just some constructive criticism.


I was reading myself be quoted and responding to what was under that quote which happened to be what I addressed.

Thus maybe you should stop posting the same things, which happen to be your opinion, I see everyone here do it topic after topic, thread after thread to new posters and in new threads. 

ETA I guess it's fine to post the same thing as long as the majority agree with it, other wise you are a broken record. At least I have the courage to stand by my convictions even in the face of many people disagreeing and being hyper critical of what I am saying.

My values don't change from thread to thread and I have a right to post whatever I opinion I have.


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## Ayrun (Jun 12, 2011)

Vibrator is analogous to a masturbation sleeve for men. Pornography is analogous to pornography. I'm guessin OP is just referring to video media, but pornography has a broader scope partner. 

Stereotypically, women have read their porn instead of view it. But now there's a whole risin industry of video porn for ladies. 

These videos feed into female fantasy like you wouldn't believe. Plus, the men in these movies are extremely good looking and sculpted. They dont mess around.

Now I ask the guys this as a guy. If your woman had a collection of videos featuring MFM threeways, with guys that looked like greek gods, would you be 100% ok with it? 'Specially if you knew she was fantasizing and using them to please herself?


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> Porn to a man is like a vibarator is to a woman.
> 
> agree or disagree?


Do you mean that the way in which they are alike is that the use of either can cause a fixation on use or a discomfort to the partner (if the partner is not supportive of the use)?

Because I can agree with that. But I don't agree with saying that porn or vibrator use are the same thing.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Ayrun said:


> Now I ask the guys this as a guy. If your woman had a collection of videos featuring MFM threeways, with guys that looked like greek gods, would you be 100% ok with it? 'Specially if you knew she was fantasizing and using them to please herself?


My college girlfriend had her own stash of gay and bi porn. If she got home before me when the latest issue of Penthouse arrived by subscription, she tore it open and perused it. Likewise, although she had no subscription she occasionally bought Playgirl. She wasn't shy about pleasuring herself to any of that or our straight porn. I had no problem with it.

My wife finds bodies, in general, to be visually appealing, but genitalia (of either gender) to be less so. Unlike my college girlfriend, she doesn't have her own stash of porn, but we do share. Again...no problem with her pleasuring herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ayrun (Jun 12, 2011)

Oh I'm not even talking about gay porn, these are straight guys in these videos. They feature them on forher.com or something.

Point is that the two are not analogous to another: sex toy and media. Pretty straightforward


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

Syrum said:


> I was reading myself be quoted and responding to what was under that quote which happened to be what I addressed.
> 
> Thus maybe you should stop posting the same things, which happen to be your opinion, I see everyone here do it topic after topic, thread after thread to new posters and in new threads.
> 
> ...


I have no idea if your opinion is the majority opinion or not, nor do I care. If the need to feel like a matyr sustains you then I guess have at it. Whatever floats your boat. I was respectfully offering constructive criticism from someone who I assumed, wrongly apparently, was actually interested in persuading people.

To be sure, you don't have a right to post whatever you want. The website ownership has the right to publish or not publish any post, including yours. I do understand what you are saying though, and I'll only say that nobody ever said otherwise. Matyr syndrom strikes again, I suppose.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

Ayrun said:


> Vibrator is analogous to a masturbation sleeve for men. Pornography is analogous to pornography. I'm guessin OP is just referring to video media, but pornography has a broader scope partner.
> 
> Stereotypically, women have read their porn instead of view it. But now there's a whole risin industry of video porn for ladies.
> 
> ...


I'd be alright with it provided she was open about it, and it didn't become a replacement for our time together. Same thing vice versa as well.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Ayrun said:


> Oh I'm not even talking about gay porn, these are straight guys in these videos. They feature them on forher.com or something.
> 
> Point is that the two are not analogous to another: sex toy and media. Pretty straightforward


They are analogous in that each is the typical choice as an aid to solo gratification by gender.

Being dismissive of that would be like deciding that only items that weighed the same can be considered analogous.

Kind of missed the point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

piqued said:


> I have no idea if your opinion is the majority opinion or not, nor do I care. If the need to feel like a matyr sustains you then I guess have at it. Whatever floats your boat. I was respectfully offering constructive criticism from someone who I assumed, wrongly apparently, was actually interested in persuading people.
> 
> To be sure, you don't have a right to post whatever you want. The website ownership has the right to publish or not publish any post, including yours. I do understand what you are saying though, and I'll only say that nobody ever said otherwise. Matyr syndrom strikes again, I suppose.


I also try and post my opinion in a respectful way. 

Martyr syndrome? In what way? seriously I get that you don't like what I'm posting (maybe ask why what I post makes you so uncomfortable that you feel the need to be personal and belittle me???), and I don't agree with what you post, yet I don't feel the need to try and bully and silence you.

I guess what I post hits really close to the mark and makes you uncomfortable.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Ayrun said:


> Oh I'm not even talking about gay porn, these are straight guys in these videos. They feature them on forher.com or something.
> 
> Point is that the two are not analogous to another: sex toy and media. Pretty straightforward


:iagree: there is no comparison.

If we were to compare women who constantly objectified mens bodies through media, thought about them to masturbate and there was a great wave of men getting upset that they didn't feel "big enough, attractive enough, buff enough, young enough, masculine enough" to full fill their wives fantasies and that their wives were never fully satisfied with them, and women pressured them to participate in sexual acts they may find degrading and painful, acts that these women discovered in porn. Then we would have real comparison.

The truth as I have all ready posted and that the stats on this web site are a testament to are that vibrators do not come close to threatening the self esteem of men nor effect marriages in the same way porn does. Problems with porn seem to be an epidemic.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

okay I'm gonna stick my neck on the chopping block and say that although I do think porn can cause problems in marriages (sometimes what came first? no pun intended), I don't actually think men are expecting their wives or other women to look like porn stars to get turned on. If he does, he's immature. I really don't think it's about that in most cases and I do think this is something women need to realize.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

My 2 cents:
I never had a problem with my h looking at porn for the longest time. I watched the movies with him sometimes. I did feel degraded by the ubiquitous ending. That gets really old. 

My h got obsessed with anal. Wouldn't leave it alone. So, to be a good sport, I gave it a shot. A number of times. With lots of lube. I didn't like it. It was downright painful for me. So, I said so. He became angry that I no longer wanted to try it. His expectations had clearly been skewed by what he had seen, and he was unwilling to respect my wishes even though I had tried it and found it unpleasant. His attitude was, they do it, you should too. My attitude became, you care so much for me, screw you.

Now, the vibrator was different. He bought it. I didn't overuse it; just now and then. I would use it with and without him, but I let him know if I had used it. Until I got the screw you attitude. Then we both went to our sad little imitation lovers instead of each other. THe beginning of the end. 

I wouldn't worry if my daughter had a vibe. But if my son gets his ideas of sex from porn, that would trouble me as much as a drug problem. Porn does become addictive.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

heartsbreaking said:


> okay I'm gonna stick my neck on the chopping block and say that although I do think porn can cause problems in marriages (sometimes what came first? no pun intended), I don't actually think men are expecting their wives or other women to look like porn stars to get turned on. If he does, he's immature. I really don't think it's about that in most cases and I do think this is something women need to realize.


I disagree, porn actually changes mens brains and the way they respond to sex and women.



ABOUT THE BOOK

More on how porn changes the brain, and not for the better.

http://www.drjudithreisman.com/archives/SlaveMaster_Salvo13.pdf

This article is also very good.
Critiquing Masculinity at the Corps
and 



> A well-conducted British survey based on a representative sample of partners of regular porn users shows these feelings are widespread. While most partners are largely neutral about their men's regular pornography use, the survey, published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy in 2003, shows that about one-third of the women found it highly distressing. About 32 per cent said their partner's porn use had adversely affected their sex life, 39 per cent said it had negatively affected their relationship, 34 per cent their self-esteem, 41 per cent felt less attractive and desirable since having discovered their partner's use, and 42 per cent said it made them feel insecure. More than one-quarter viewed it as a kind of affair.
> 
> The Australian women interviewed felt betrayed and inadequate. And always they were under pressure not to appear controlling, uptight or unreasonable. Men's consumption of pornography is natural, many believe, and to judge it as anything but positive is to risk being labelled a prude or, worse, a nag


Torn apart by cyber-porn - In Depth - theage.com.au

I do believe that it changes men's view of women and their sexuality and the way they are turned on. Most people do not notice the societal influences that change their mindset or POV, they just think it's the way they feel, instead of recognizing that something (in this case porn) helped shaped their views actions and behaviours.


I will try and find the study on how it changes mens view of women, makes them more critical and less attracted to their wives and creates unrealistic expectations.


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## Ayrun (Jun 12, 2011)

michzz said:


> They are analogous in that each is the typical choice as an aid to solo gratification by gender.
> 
> Being dismissive of that would be like deciding that only items that weighed the same can be considered analogous.
> 
> ...


No, because a physical object is different than media. An erotica novel would be comparable to pornography because it IS pornography. A vibrator is comparable to a fleshlight because it IS a sex toy. They have ones that vibrate, did you know that?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Ayrun said:


> No, because a physical object is different than media. An erotica novel would be comparable to pornography because it IS pornography. A vibrator is comparable to a fleshlight because it IS a sex toy. They have ones that vibrate, did you know that?


Still missing the point that I made.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

You guys are missing the point.

I know they are physicaly different but its all perspective.

kinda like roses are to a women like sexy cloths are to a man.



If there are sex problems and the husband finds out his wife is using her toy instead of telling her husband what she likes and being intimate with him then thats the same as a husband who uses porn instead of being intimate with his wife and telling her what he likes.but if the one using the vib or porn has tried repeatedly to comunicate their desire only to run up aginst false promisies then thats what happens 


the real problem in my mind is some men and women don't want to put in the effort to try to be a good lover.

I like oral and she don't reciprocate,I like different positions and she just want same old same.


or the reverse she gives and he don't or she likes variaty and he likes routine. 


and I know its about compromise but I think the higher drive person usually get screwed because its a never ending strugle. you comunicate and agreee upone something and usually the low drive person soon fall off the wagon.

after awhile the high drive person gets resentfull or the low drive person get resentfull of having to do things they don't really care for.

I can talk my wife into oral but because she really don't like to give its usually subpar.......2-5 mins of oral that isn't good just ain't worth it .But its something thats important to me and diffucult to not get resentfull espically when I have become very talanted at giving and enjoy giving as much as getting.

so the only way for me to experiance it is through fantasy (watching porn) side note she gave pretty good head when we were dating. and then it tailed off. and now its not worth asking for head because I know it will be lack luster.



so whats the answer?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I just wanted to add that the person who is lack luster gets the reward of their partner trying to lead by example by giving more and more and hoping for the light bulb to go off and finally some reciprication.

but that don't always happen. although I have read some post on here that indicated that they were like that way for years and then they changed and were kicking themselve that they didn't change sooner.

better late than never but I would guess some would be so resentfull that its a day late and a dollar short.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> You guys are missing the point.
> 
> I know they are physicaly different but its all perspective.
> 
> ...


I don't know that there is an easy answer. I don't know that couples ever have perfectly matched libidos and desires, especially if you are in the course of a long-term marriage, as libido/desire can fluctuate and change by each partner many times.

The important thing is whether the couple both have the willingness to work with each other and put each other's needs as a priority. If one falls 'off the wagon' as you say, then that indicates to me that person does not really have a willingness to prioritize your needs. That may happen for any number of reasons - including your unwillingness to prioritize their needs. To me, that suggests you have some in-grained relationship issues that need to be worked on.

However, I don't think unwillingness on your spouse's part should justify falling in to some activity if that something is a boundary for your spouse, as that just makes it worse. For example, if you as a husband make it known to your wife that you are willing to have sex with her when she desires, then her going off and ignoring you and using her vibrator to displace the sex with you is wrong. Same thing with the porn.

Now that I've typed that all out, I actually think the answer is to simply turn to each other. Turn off the vibrator, turn off the porn and fantasize and think only of each other. Otherwise, you are letting other things create wedges in your sexual relationship with your spouse. And most of us are inherently selfish and really want our partners to desire and want us above all others - and that all others include inanimate objects and media. Think about it.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

After reading five pages I still think I have something to offer so, (pulling on my asbestos BVDs) I offer my experience.

My marriage has been affected by the items mentioned here. I will mention my own feelings regarding my wife's usage, so that I can be accurate. Before we met my wife read romance novels almost exclusively. She also pleasured herself on a regular basis, but never using sex toys. She reads voraciously, so being young students and perpetually poor she read my books instead. Later she discovered used book stores and returned to romance. It was during this time that she became less and less satisfied with me. She complained about my romantic abilities as well as my physical abilities. Eventually I complained, I claimed that I was being compared to a fictitious construct that had no basis in reality. She came back with two answers to my complaint. One she claimed she knew They were fantasy's and two she used it to get charged up for me. Personally I disagreed. Eventually I stopped being jealous of a fantasy. At this point the novels don't charge her much. 

More recently Erectile Dysfunction has challenged our marriage. My wife became more and more disinterested in sex. after some tooth pulling, we finally had a discussion about it. Her disinterest stemmed from her frustration at not being able to achieve an orgasm every time, which she had been used to. I could see how that would dampen her enthusiasm so I started to look for ways to make sure she got her cookies. None of the regular answers worked for us. She orgasms best to penetrative sex. So I suggested a sex toy as a back up plan so she wouldn't get left frustrated. She said no, did not want that in the house. Things got worse. eventually she agreed to let me buy one but she would have nothing to do with the purchase or choosing other than vague terms. I bought a variety of sizes and textures thinking this would help her to achieve success. Well it worked. I knew it when she used one when she was home alone for a day. BTW she chose a new one herself.

OK so how do I feel. on a rare bad day I can be a bit jealous. Mostly she makes it clear that I am preferred. I have less trouble with the toys than the books. Is it because I'm older, or because it was my idea, or because it is more shared? Who knows. 

M N


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Chilly,
This thread got me thinking of some tangential ideas that I didn't want to expound on here. If you're interested, I put a thread in General Relationships called No man is an island.. still true?


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## Ayrun (Jun 12, 2011)

The point is replacement, secrecy, and fantasy yeah, I got that. We're dumb in the the south, not dense. Still, a better comparison woulda been an erotica/romance novel, since it's the same medium.


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## Ayrun (Jun 12, 2011)

Mr. Nail said:


> After reading five pages I still think I have something to offer so, (pulling on my asbestos BVDs) I offer my experience.
> 
> My marriage has been affected by the items mentioned here. I will mention my own feelings regarding my wife's usage, so that I can be accurate. Before we met my wife read romance novels almost exclusively. She also pleasured herself on a regular basis, but never using sex toys. She reads voraciously, so being young students and perpetually poor she read my books instead. Later she discovered used book stores and returned to romance. It was during this time that she became less and less satisfied with me. She complained about my romantic abilities as well as my physical abilities. Eventually I complained, I claimed that I was being compared to a fictitious construct that had no basis in reality. She came back with two answers to my complaint. One she claimed she knew They were fantasy's and two she used it to get charged up for me. Personally I disagreed. Eventually I stopped being jealous of a fantasy. At this point the novels don't charge her much.
> 
> ...


Exactly why I said fantasy medium is a better comparison, because it serves the same purpose. Either can create emotional abandonment and dissatisfaction with SO.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

Syrum said:


> I also try and post my opinion in a respectful way.
> 
> *Martyr syndrome? In what way?* seriously I get that you don't like what I'm posting (maybe ask why what I post makes you so uncomfortable that you feel the need to be personal and belittle me???), and I don't agree with what you post, yet I don't feel the need to try and bully and silence you.
> 
> *I guess what I post hits really close to the mark and makes you uncomfortable*.


Matyr syndrome because you seem to find personal affronts where there aren't any.

On what basis would you find or suggest that because I have a different opinion than you that what you post must be "really close to the mark and makes (me) uncomfortable?" That's exactly what I was objecting to in your posts before, but now you even go a step further. You're no longer just putting words in someone's mouth but now you have the arrogance to start ascribing meaning, motive, and intent. LOL, who exactly is getting personal and belittling whom?

Go ahead and tell me more about my twisted, porn addicted, female exploiting and abusing life. That is the nature of what you post, so I assume that is what is "on the mark" and what "makes me uncomfortable". Now, THAT'S nice and respectful :scratchhead:


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Don't bother, piqued. You're now seeing firsthand what I mentioned to you in anothe thread: she refuses to remotely entertain any ideas or information that are at odds with her firmly-entrenched POV. That's why I'm not interested in resuming the discussion with her, because it's a "discussion" in name only.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

Grayson said:


> Don't bother, piqued. You're now seeing firsthand what I mentioned to you in anothe thread: she refuses to remotely entertain any ideas or information that are at odds with her firmly-entrenched POV. That's why I'm not interested in resuming the discussion with her, because it's a "discussion" in name only.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No kidding, lol. What's funny is I've never told her that her views were "wrong", yet she constantly plays the role of attacked victim.


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## mayatatia (Jul 3, 2011)

WOW!!!! Lots of opinions here! Let's all just change channels and watch porn together! Make love ~ not war! LOL.... it's all good!:smthumbup:


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

piqued said:


> Matyr syndrome because you seem to find personal affronts where there aren't any.
> 
> On what basis would you find or suggest that because I have a different opinion than you that what you post must be "really close to the mark and makes (me) uncomfortable?" That's exactly what I was objecting to in your posts before, but now you even go a step further. You're no longer just putting words in someone's mouth but now you have the arrogance to start ascribing meaning, motive, and intent. LOL, who exactly is getting personal and belittling whom?
> 
> Go ahead and tell me more about my twisted, porn addicted, female exploiting and abusing life. That is the nature of what you post, so I assume that is what is "on the mark" and what "makes me uncomfortable". Now, THAT'S nice and respectful :scratchhead:


Funny that you can have your opinion and be unswayed in it but if I am that is somehow wrong. Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I don't understand what you are trying to convey. I would suggest that you are the one who isn't open to hearing anything other then what suits you, and I won't be silenced in my opinion.

it's quite easy to sit there with other people patting your back and agreeing with you, and try and silence others. 

FIY Martyr in the dictionary



> 1.
> a person who willingly suffers death rather than renounce his or her religion.
> 2.
> a person who is put to death or endures great suffering on behalf of any belief, principle, or cause: a martyr to the cause of social justice.
> ...


I'll take the second explanation thanks.

I am a person of principal and values. I do like to ensure that I am not contributing to the suffering of others, and I certainly don't feel I have a right to exploit others in order to have an orgasm.

If that makes me a martyr then so be it.

Also I try to stick to the issue but you keep trying to make it personal. Clearly showing me to have a better handle on the topic at hand.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Grayson said:


> Don't bother, piqued. You're now seeing firsthand what I mentioned to you in anothe thread: she refuses to remotely entertain any ideas or information that are at odds with her firmly-entrenched POV. That's why I'm not interested in resuming the discussion with her, because it's a "discussion" in name only.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like wise.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

Syrum said:


> Funny that you can have your opinion and be unswayed in it but if I am *that is somehow wrong.* Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I don't understand what you are trying to convey. I would suggest that you are the one who isn't open to hearing anything other then what suits you, and I won't be silenced in my opinion.
> 
> it's quite easy to sit there with other people patting your back and agreeing with you, and try and silence others.
> 
> ...



LOL, I'm not trying to "silence" you. As to the rest; as you wish.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

You know how it is with some people, piqued...either you agree with them 1000%, or you're out to silence them, attack them personally, and prove they're responsible for everything bad under the sun...especially disco.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Syrum said:


> I actually think if a woman can orgasm without a vibrator then she is better off not using one.
> 
> However a certain amount of women - quite a big percentage, can never orgasm and some rarely, some need extra stimulation, so just in being able to orgasm alone women have more reason to use a vibrator.
> 
> ...


My thoughts exactly :iagree:


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