# Husband using up his internet data on phone



## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

Husband has recently started using up all of his internet data on his phone. We both stay home and don’t work right now. We have a new born and we’ve both been staying home since then. 

We have WiFi at home, so I don’t know why or how he could be using up all the internet data on his phone. Husband is always home, only leaves to go to the shops a few times a week when I ask him. That’s the only time he leaves by himself. Otherwise we are together. 

He has been kind of distant lately. Always has the phone with him, even takes it with him to the bathroom. 
We barely have sex. He doesn’t intitiate sex recently, and the last time we did, he lost erection. When I ask him if it’s me, he says no but always has an excuse for that. 

I have found out that he watches porn through our car’s blue tooth twice. 

If it matters, I have never refused him when he wanted to be intimate. And i look the same as I did to before pregnancy, so it’s not that my looks have suddenly changed. 

I’m just wondering what your thoughts are to what could be happening? Could it be that he thinks I’d find out if he’s watching porn through our WiFi so he uses the internet data on his phone? Is that even possible? I don’t know these technical stuff. If someone here does, I would appreciate your thoughts. 

I would ask him about this, but if something is up, I don’t want him to start thinking that I suspect something.


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## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

Wanted to add that we are both on the same plan if it helps b


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

It COULD be that he forgets to turn on his wifi connection when home, hence the large data usage. He also may be trying to hide it from you, but do you know enough of how to login to your router and check? (more importantly, does he THINK you know how to do that)?
Can you get a hold of his phone (when he is asleep maybe?) to check it?

I would suspect that porn is taking a larger part of his life if he doesn't seem that interested in sex with you and he has issues keeping it up. I'd talk to him to discuss this, but do it in a way that doesn't attack him.


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## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

Annizka said:


> Husband has recently started using up all of his internet data on his phone. We both stay home and don’t work right now. We have a new born and we’ve both been staying home since then.
> 
> We have WiFi at home, so I don’t know why or how he could be using up all the internet data on his phone. Husband is always home, only leaves to go to the shops a few times a week when I ask him. That’s the only time he leaves by himself. Otherwise we are together.
> 
> ...





jlg07 said:


> It COULD be that he forgets to turn on his wifi connection when home, hence the large data usage. He also may be trying to hide it from you, but do you know enough of how to login to your router and check? (more importantly, does he THINK you know how to do that)?
> Can you get a hold of his phone (when he is asleep maybe?) to check it?
> 
> I would suspect that porn is taking a larger part of his life if he doesn't seem that interested in sex with you and he has issues keeping it up. I'd talk to him to discuss this, but do it in a way that doesn't attack him.


I didn’t know you could check your router for that info, and I’m not sure if he knows I’d know that or not. 

He always leaves his WiFi connected, so I don’t think it’s that he turns if off and then forgets to turn it back on. 

I also think it’s the porn. I want to talk to him about it but I’d like to get to the bottom of the data usage first, if I can.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He could have a virus or some malware on his phone which has linked his phone to a bot net?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*He either needs to learn to remember to log in to the house WiFi, or you need to get with your phone provider to get you onto an unlimited data family plan!

Surprisingly, they are not all that expensive! Please check with your cell provider about it ASAP!*


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

What if it is porn? What then?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> He could have a virus or some malware on his phone which has linked his phone to a bot net?


I was thinking that too, until I got to the part in the OP's post where she says he ALWAYS has his phone connected to his hip and even brings it into the bathroom with him.

He's definitely up to no good but I'm kind of doubting it's because he's constantly watching porn. He's got some kind of app going or a connection of some kind to something he *doesn't *want you to know about. And if he's giving you that bull**** about 'forgetting to switch over to WiFi' when he gets home and that's why his data is being eaten up, he knows damned well there's an option he can turn on that tells the phone to always connect to Wifi when in range, so *that *excuse doesn't cut it

Why is he not working right now? Surely you don't need him there 24/7 just because you have a baby. If he were to spend half the time he spends sneaking around on his phone actually *job-hunting*, he might be gainfully employed and not so 'bored' all the time.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Plus you can check your wifi router history, btw.


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## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> He could have a virus or some malware on his phone which has linked his phone to a bot net?


I doubt it. If it a malwarewas, I think he would have mentioned to me how his data is getting used up so quickly mysteriously like that. The other day when we were out, he again casually asked me if I could open my hotspot on my phone because he didn’t have any data left. 



zookeeper said:


> What if it is porn? What then?


Just as he doesn’t want me looking at other men online, I don’t want him looking at other women. If he is watching porn again while I watch our baby and basically do everything in the house, then there’ll be serious consequences.


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## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> MattMatt said:
> 
> 
> > He could have a virus or some malware on his phone which has linked his phone to a bot net?
> ...


He quit his job a few months before the baby was born because he didn’t like his boss. He decided to start a business, so he spends all day in the guest room trying to think of business ideas. I am with the baby and taking care of the house. 




Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Plus you can check your wifi router history, btw.


My husband was the one that set up the account. I’m assuming I’d need his password for it, right? 

He also always has his Bluetooth on. I really wish I could go to the garage, turn the car on and see (well, hear) what he’s watching on his phone, if anything. The problem is that the garage door makes noise and he’d know I’m out there. 😕


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Annizka said:


> He quit his job a few months before the baby was born because he didn’t like his boss. He decided to start a business, so he spends all day in the guest room trying to think of business ideas. I am with the baby and taking care of the house.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I always have my phone with me, even in the bathroom. Why? I like to play Scrabble. Everywhere I go.  

Also, the only time I *didn't* have my phone with me in the bathroom, I was soaking in the bath, and my wife 'phoned me! :rofl:


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Annizka said:


> He quit his job a few months before the baby was born because he didn’t like his boss. He decided to start a business, so he spends all day in the guest room trying to think of business ideas. I am with the baby and taking care of the house.


Honestly, you've got MUCH bigger problems than this fool sucking up all your data logging into Chaturbate. 

Who on EARTH decides to up and *quit his job* when he's got a baby on the way, just because he doesn't like his boss? What is he, 12 years old? That's what immature teenagers do, not grown men! And even more stupidly, he chooses to quit WITHOUT having lined up another job to go to.

*THIS* is the mentality you're working with. An irresponsible, ignorant fool who has NO income coming in and supposedly spends his days in the guest room *'brainstorming'* business ideas (yeah, sure he is) for that shiny new business that's going to magically appear one day and make him rich. In the meantime, he's doing NOTHING to provide for his family but hey, he sure manages to spend all his time doing _something _sneaky on his phone in between brainstorming sessions.

It's about time you took Peter Pan's phone away and locked yourself in the bathroom with it. Honestly, it's got to be SO hard to respect someone like this that it should be no problem to just take it and tell him to **** off while you lock yourself in the bathroom with it. I would have lost respect for him SO long ago.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Annizka said:


> Just as he doesn’t want me looking at other men online, I don’t want him looking at other women. If he is watching porn again while I watch our baby and basically do everything in the house, then there’ll be serious consequences.


This will have to be communicated clearly and firmly. Be sure to know the consequences before you confront him. A barking dog with no teeth is little more than an irritation.



She'sStillGotIt said:


> Honestly, you've got MUCH bigger problems than this fool sucking up all your data logging into Chaturbate.
> 
> Who on EARTH decides to up and *quit his job* when he's got a baby on the way, just because he doesn't like his boss? What is he, 12 years old? That's what immature teenagers do, not grown men! And even more stupidly, he chooses to quit WITHOUT having lined up another job to go to.
> 
> ...


This times 10. A dreamer who quits his job with a baby on the way and no solid path is no kind of man in my book. You're kid's father is a man-child. Get this lazy **** off his ass and supporting his family. Then worry about porn.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Something not making sense here. By default, phones typically use WIFI over data even when both are available. They failover to data when WIFI is not available. If he is home all the time as you suggest, that means he would have to disable WIFI to intentionally use data. But why? I see no purpose for it. The router is generally not going to store information about network traffic unless logging is turned on, and by default it generally isn't. Even so, it will be limited info. If he was trying to hide something he wouldn't turn on logging. So I'm not understanding the data usage at this level. I know you say you are both home all the time, but are you sure he's not out more than you perceive him to be? 

How much data usage are we talking here? What are the data limitations for your plan? For sure, large data usage occurs via video, photos, and graphics. Cell phone photos alone can be 1-6mb in size. Facebook and other social sites are chuck full of large sized graphics.

Outside any fears you have, the answer to the data usage is that you need to question him on the configuration of the phone. When WIFI is available make sure the phone is configured to use it. Cell data usage should only be configured to be used for critical applications necessary when WIFI is not available, such as google maps, text messaging, things you need access to when traveling. I always turn cell data usage off for general web browsing and turn it on when I absolutely need it to surf outside of WIFI. When done, I turn cell usage for web browsing off again.

Bluetooth doesn't allow you to "spy" like you are suggesting. It is a simple communication protocol for close range use between various devices. He should not have that always on just for power consumption purposes...bluetooth has a large appetite for electrons in your battery.

In summary, if your concern is data usage, someone needs to look at his phone configuration and make sure it is using WIFI when ever possible. If your concern is what is he doing to use so much data, it is video and photos for sure. Whether he is on a porn site or viewing his family photos constantly you will have to determine.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Honestly, you've got MUCH bigger problems than this fool sucking up all your data logging into Chaturbate.
> 
> Who on EARTH decides to up and *quit his job* when he's got a baby on the way, just because he doesn't like his boss? What is he, 12 years old? That's what immature teenagers do, not grown men! And even more stupidly, he chooses to quit WITHOUT having lined up another job to go to.
> 
> ...



YEP. ALL OF THIS. 

Why are you tolerating all of this? What kind of man is content NOT providing for his new family?? You are being disrespected all around.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I would say that he's either cheating, or has developed a porn addiction. If I were you, I would check the phone bill, and subtly snoop around.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

He needs to find a job for his own sense of self worth, hopefully before he let's himself fall into endless depression, addictions, and despair.

His probable porn use is a symptom of a man retreating from reality, IMHO, and that's never a good place for a man to be. If he has friends, a priest or pastor, brothers, etc.. he needs to talk to them and hopefully get a hand out of the hole he's digging for himself.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Wow, he quit his job with a baby on the way? Now he's trying to come up with a business idea? Seriously?? What a terrible terrible plan. How old are you two? Are you self supporting?

Anyway......Data use could be about anything but also easy to figure out. If he is claiming he doesn't understand where his data is going go to your service provider and have them check his phone. Just make sure you go with him, make it a surprise stop while out together running errands, do NOT tell him the plan. If he panics and makes excuses for not having his phone checked right then while you are with him then he is lying to you and hiding something.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Annizka said:


> He quit his job a few months before the baby was born because he didn’t like his boss. He decided to start a business, so he spends all day in the guest room trying to think of business ideas. I am with the baby and taking care of the house.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


The router very possible still has the generic set up password. It's possible to go to the mfg site and get info, log in.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"He always leaves his WiFi connected, so I don’t think it’s that he turns if off and then forgets to turn it back on. "
If he uses WiFi, then the phone would use that and NOT use his data. There has to be a time/reason why he turns OFF the WiFi, or when he leaves the house he is doing a ton of internet usage.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If he is at home, the data usage is strange. Unless he thinks you are going to go through router logs - assuming your router even does log connections, not all do, why would he turn off wifi data to use cell instead?

Does your wifi reach the entire house? Could he be using his phone in a location where there no wifi reception so it switches to cell? You might take your phone around the house and look for dead spots.

The data usage could be completely innocent. That doesn't mean it is innocent.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

If he is streaming music using his data, that could eat up his data quickly. Also, does he have an iphone? I've heard there is some kind of glitch that can cause you to use up data ridiculously fast.

Aside from that, your husband is neglecting you. Whether or not he's into porn (which it certainly appears that he is), he is not holding up his end of the relationship. He has a personal responsibility to support himself and his child at least and to do his share of chores. It sounds like he's doing pretty much nothing and he's using unhealthy methods of trying to make you feel like this is somehow normal.

It's not normal for him to be sitting in a room trying to think of a business to start. He should be looking for a new job and he should be waiting on you hand and foot until your postpartum period is finished.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He quit his job months before the baby was born and now he sits around all day trying to think up business ideas? In other words, months of no income from him and no idea when there will be? I'd be far more concerned about that.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Cell data only for critical items? Shucks, I need to get my minutes back from Amazon and Chrome, for general use.

Phones won't "fail over" to wifi unless wifi is both left on, and auto-reconnect to known hotspots is set up.

Respectfully, 
On that, it's not good practice to leave ones phone's wifi turned on during the day as one travels about, not without knowing exactly where and when you decide to connect to a hotspot, and then not without securing settings fully set up.

Otherwise "others" actively looking to connect to someone's unsecured smartphone via open wifi will eventually you and hack your phone. This isn't an if, but when.


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## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

We had an argument last week about our financial situation. I broke down crying because I saw we only had a few hundred dollars in the bank. Ever since he quit his job, he keeps telling me not to worry about it, he’ll take care of it. But then last week I checked the bank and broke down. Yet again he was telling me I don’t have to worry about it but I told him I’m your wife, how can I not worry? He said if he needs to, he’ll find any job, but that he wants to start a business. In the end he said he was hopeless, and that he was sorry for putting us in this situation, but that he couldn’t work for someone else anymore, and that he wants to start a business, and to not worry. I’m just so stressed, how can I not worry?

And If he is indeed looking at porn while pretending to be looking for a business while I’m taking care of the baby and doing everything in the house by myself and stressing about how we’re gonna live, then as I said there will be consequences. 

I was able to login to our router but couldn’t find where to see the websites visited. I looked online on our router’s user manual for information, and wasn’t able to find out either. If anyone have knowledge in this, please let me know. 

I am starting to feel the distance between us grow longer. We don’t go to bed together anymore. He comes to sleep hours after I do. We used to cuddle every night, now barely anything, especially after we talked about our financial situation last week. I am slowly giving up on making any effort to try and get closer to him. I don’t have the energy anymore. 

I left my family and friends and moved country to be with him. I feel so lonely right now. I have no one to talk to, just hold my baby for comfort.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Can you reach out to your family to help you? if they knew, would they want to help you?

When you say there are going to be consequences, what do you mean? What does that look like?


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## Annizka (Sep 29, 2017)

lucy999 said:


> I am so sorry this is happening to you. Can you reach out to your family to help you? if they knew, would they want to help you?
> 
> When you say there are going to be consequences, what do you mean? What does that look like?


My family knows he quit his job and they would ask what he has been up to. I lie and make it seem as if he is making progress. I didn’t want to tell them the truth because for some reason, I feel embarrassed. But if they did know the truth, they would help me. 

The consequences will be that I will leave with my baby. I love my husband. A part of me feels bad for him but this is not a happy marriage.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Well maybe if he's that intent on starting a business he is surfing the web investigating business opportunities. How is it that you only know he wants to start a business and not any details such as what type of business or whether it is realistic of his pursuit? Does your relationship not allow you to get involved with him and understand exactly what he is doing? Maybe I missed this is a previous post, but why not just confront him and ask him why he is using so much data when the Internet is available almost everywhere.

You will have to provide us with the make and model of the router if you want help with that. I would also like to know how much data per month you are allowed on your phone plan. I recently interacted with someone that was complaining about being out of data every month only to find out they had a cheap 300mb data plan, which in today's world is pretty much nothing but for emergency use. If you have a similar small plan, his running out of data may not be anything other than an innocent ramification of having such a small plan.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Annizka said:


> My family knows he quit his job and they would ask what he has been up to. I lie and make it seem as if he is making progress. I didn’t want to tell them the truth because for some reason, I feel embarrassed. But if they did know the truth, they would help me.
> 
> The consequences will be that I will leave with my baby. I love my husband. A part of me feels bad for him but this is not a happy marriage.


Lying to your family isn't helping you or your husband and certainly not your marriage. If the truth is that bad, then do something about it now rather than pretending that everything is okay when it's not.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Annizka said:


> My family knows he quit his job and they would ask what he has been up to. I lie and make it seem as if he is making progress. I didn’t want to tell them the truth because for some reason, I feel embarrassed. But if they did know the truth, they would help me.
> 
> The consequences will be that I will leave with my baby. I love my husband. A part of me feels bad for him but this is not a happy marriage.


You aren't helping by lying. Please get over your embarrassment. He should be embarrassed not you. I know you love him and I know you are heartbroken but love doesn't pay the bills or put food on the table.

Will you tell your family the truth so they can help you carry out the consequences?

Those consequences don't have to be forever. If and when your husband finds a business he's good at and succeeds in, perhaps you can be a family again. What skills does he have? Is he a savvy salesman? But let's face it, his plan and the way he went about it is horrible. 

Although if truth be told if I were in your shoes I would never forgive him for this. You have a newborn baby and this is what he does?! Unforgivable in my eyes and a red flag when he declares he can't work for someone else. But I realize everyone is different. 

Please tell your family the truth. Today. You have your child to think about now, too. The data usage should be the last of your worries. He should be working. Now. Anywhere.


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