# Does this mean anything?



## a2b3c (Sep 21, 2012)

A woman that used to be interested in my husband, and that he requested some space away from, still contacts him occasionally about work, birthday, etc. He doesn't respond to anything but questions about work. By work, I mean he does programming and helps her solve problems she is having, but if he is truly interested in removing her from his life it seems like keeping in contact with her in any way is not a good idea. I trust him completely, but wonder about his motives. Does anyone else think there is anything wrong with this?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Seems to me he is a nice guy without romantic feelings for this other woman. He doesn't want to be an ahole towards her, but doesn't want a relationship with her.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

If he is in programming, it might be in his job description to help her. That he "has to" for his job. Not always, can you push off the work to another programmer.

Sounds like he's handling it well.


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## a2b3c (Sep 21, 2012)

This woman doesn't work with him, she dabbles in programming on the side ... so he doesn't have to help her, he chooses to. I guess I feel like she is trying to maintain a relationship with him, and he lets her. Even if he is being nice, wouldn't she get the hint if he didn't respond at all?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Okay, that explains it a little better.

Sounds like he is the "rescuer" type personality. He likes to help. He wants to help her with the programming issues, because he gets a gratification from the good programming skills he has. It truly does not sound romantic on his end. He probably has no clue that she might be wanting to just keep in contact with him.

From what you described, I'd agree that sounds like she just want's to keep that line of connection to him open. Is he the type that you can explain your uncomfortablness with her contact to him? 

That you can tell him you "know" you are being unreasonable, but the heart does not always feel reason? That your heart fears her not being able to move on to giving attention to a different man? And that you fear SHE is the one that would cause uncomfortableness in your marriage. 

Maybe if he realizes your standpoint, that it feels like a third party person is being given opportunity to cause friction in your marriage, and that doesn't feel fair to you, maybe he would severe the contact & not reply to programming issues either?


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## a2b3c (Sep 21, 2012)

Another reason why it bothers me is that I notice he occasionally checks a website she asked him to help her with a few months ago. Why would he check up on a website that has no information of interest to him? It was for her job, and he didn't end up helping her with that project anyway.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

This is the classic leave stuff behind after a breakup so you have an excuse to make contact trick. 

He needs to broom her. End of story.


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