# Separated but living together



## Abbey N (Aug 1, 2014)

Hello...

Just wanted to find out if anybody in this forum has done the "separated but living together" arrangement. What are the reasons and if it worked (or didnt work).

Thank you.


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## trinmir (Aug 25, 2014)

i have never done it. i don't think that i would have the strength to do it.

do you think that you can do that? are you strong enough?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

There's been a number of threads asking this same question. Why are you considering it? What's the purpose of the "separation"?

C


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## Abbey N (Aug 1, 2014)

No cheating involved, but a lot of emotional and mental abuse from spouse. We have 3 young children which is the main reason for living together. We need to work together for them as "parents". Living separately will be difficult financially and also for scheduling before/after school care and activities for kids. We have been sleeping in separate beds for a few months now. No intimacy involved as well. I try to keep our interaction as friendly as possible but nothing romantic at all.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Abbey N said:


> but a lot of emotional and mental abuse from spouse.



so getting more abuse during the separation is a good idea because....?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So has the emotional abuse stopped?

C


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## Abbey N (Aug 1, 2014)

trinmir said:


> i have never done it. i don't think that i would have the strength to do it.
> 
> do you think that you can do that? are you strong enough?


Yes, I belive I can and I know im strong enough. I even told him that he can even pursue other people as long as he keeps it separate from home and any new relationships shouldn't interfere with his responsibilities with parenting the kids.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

separation and divorce often turns very contentious

if you live together then you will have no safe haven


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## Abbey N (Aug 1, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> so getting more abuse during the separation is a good idea because....?


We are both in couples and individual therapy, so the abuse has stopped. He knows my issues with him and I am able to manage my reactions to him better.


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## angel kate (Sep 13, 2014)

I am divorced but living with my partner because there is an issue of child custody between us and we have to resolve it as soon as possible. Orange County Divorce Attorney and Child Support Lawyer for Family Law Cases


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Abbey N said:


> Hello...
> 
> Just wanted to find out if anybody in this forum has done the "separated but living together" arrangement. What are the reasons and if it worked (or didnt work).
> 
> Thank you.


guess it would depend on the state of mind you are each in. If both seriously done with the marriage, and can amicably divvy up the debts/assets, and parenting arrangement. It can work out. If you each have attorneys though, that can change things. They can make it contentious quickly.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I could see it working for a limited time, and for specific reasons. Like, for the next 3 months till you can get your finances in order and can then finalize things. But even that depends on the maturity of the participants and their ability to focus on the needs of the kids. 

I DON'T see it working for multiple years, and in a situation where someone is chomping at the bit to go out and find new partners. It's only a matter of time before things blow up. IMHO. But I've never been in your situation. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vn1955 (Jun 30, 2014)

What have your counselors recommended? I can't imagine this being healthy for anyone. But you know your circumstances better than anyone. Separation is hard- period.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

It may work but it must be tough.


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