# My wife had an affair, I broke a phone and got servered a 2 year protective order



## tx1138 (Mar 25, 2012)

About a month ago I got servered with a 2 year protective order so I can have no contact with my wife or 2 children. the court said it was a case of assult and battery. I only threw my phone on the floor and broke it, and told her she will ripping my heart out while I have I kitchen knife pointed at my heart. I never hurt her, I never stood in her way. 
I found out in dec of 11 that she was having an affair with at least one person. I also found out that she had borrowed money from an 84 year old man, around $3k and she was paying it back by sending nude pictures of herself to him. 
Now I am to blame here too, I spend a lot of time in my office away from the family reading, studying, or smoking weed. She had a talk with me in aug and told me I need to shape up or that was it, so I did, I quit smoking, I helped with everything, took the kids everywhere. 
but then I found out what she did, and it just kept festering inside me some days it was fine, some days I was furious with jealousy.
she told me that my neglect for the family brought her closer to this guy she worked with and he became a shoulder to cry on. she only admits to kissing him but I have found emails that state otherwise. 
we were about ready to go to couples counceling on a saturday. thursday night I send the emails to my psychologist to get his opinion on their content, friday morning I got his reply which was something to the effect of there is deffinatly a relationship between the two of them. I couldnt take it anymore. so I got pissed and did as i mentioned earlier. Now Im not perfect myself, I have bpd and have mood swings maybe once or twice a year. but I go to great lengths to control it, i even underwent shock therapy.
the worst part is, is that i still love her and I forgive her and I want her and my family back. I cant contact her at all not even thru a 3rd party, I cant see my kids. its killing me. I know she still loves me, she's just afraid of my mood swings, which to be clear I have never hurt anyone, ever. What if anything can I do to save my marriage? Any experience someone may have on the would be greatly appreciated


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

TX, although I've met many BPD sufferers -- and have lived with one for 15 years (my exW) -- I've never met one in my personal life like you who is actually staying in therapy and learning to manage his issues. I therefore applaud you. 

I would be surprised if as many as 1 in 100 BPDers have the self awareness and ego strength to stay in IC therapy long enough to make a difference. IMO, the best thing you can do is to continue with your IC so your W can see you are committed to learning to control your anger and the other issues associated with BPD. I wish you both the very best.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I'm pretty sure he's talking about bipolar disorder.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

If this is Texas you need a better lawyer as just throwing a phone down is so much less than what I have seen from experience.

I have seen a 6 mos restraining order given for severely beating the wife, damaging the home, destroying all phones including the wifes cell phone and computers and purposely totalling a car. It is possible that could have escalated further once it went to court but I am throwing the challenge flag here and just say that either there is more to this or you had a bad lawyer. There has to be additional history. While smashing your own phone can be a display of uncontrolled anger it can also be your right to smash your phone if you want.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> If this is Texas you need a better lawyer as just throwing a phone down is so much less than what I have seen from experience.
> 
> I have seen a 6 mos restraining order given for severely beating the wife, damaging the home, destroying all phones including the wifes cell phone and computers and purposely totalling a car. It is possible that could have escalated further once it went to court but I am throwing the challenge flag here and just say that either there is more to this or you had a bad lawyer. There has to be additional history. While smashing your own phone can be a display of uncontrolled anger it can also be your right to smash your phone if you want.


I take it you missed the part about the knife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrWombat (Feb 16, 2012)

tx1138 said:


> I know she still loves me, she's just afraid of my mood swings,


Jesus! You are seriously crazy dude, worse than simply mood swings. I'm 100% with the other party on this one.


tx1138 said:


> , which to be clear I have never hurt anyone, ever.


Ever? Don't you mean "yet"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tx1138 (Mar 25, 2012)

MrWombat said:


> Jesus! You are seriously crazy dude, worse than simply mood swings. I'm 100% with the other party on this one.
> 
> Ever? Don't you mean "yet"?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's really no fair to say, I have lived half my life without hurting anything, nor anyone so logic dictates that I wont. Yes I have bipolar disorder, I take a ****tail of medicine everyday, i see dr's twice a week. I just got overwhelmed, especially with the fact that she was taunting me about her affair. 
My psychologist said I did nothing that anyone else wouldnt have dont given the circumstances, and yes he's a top rated therapist before I get flamed on that. 
Yes I realize the knife was a bit much but it was shakespearean drama more that anything else. and btw Im type 2 bpd, there's a big difference. but of course everyone with a mental illness is a psychopath waiting to kill someone. and just to be clear she wasnt even in the same room when I held the knife to _my_ chest.


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## MrWombat (Feb 16, 2012)

tx1138 said:


> That's really no fair to say, I have lived half my life without hurting anything,


Ahh, you missed that I was reacting to your declaration "I know she loves me". Your behaviour is not normal. You are mentally ill, which is simply a polite way of saying "crazy".

She should move out. If you were half - or even quarter - of a responsible human being, you would.


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