# Anniversary - Any Chance in He...



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

17th anniversary is this weekend. Divorce won't be final until mid-January.

Is there ANY reason for me to even want to PRETEND to celebrate this "non-milestone" with my STBX? Even though we're having a very amicable and nice divorce...?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Seriously? No.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Its just kind of odd - because I burned through so much of the anger already. I don't "like" her - but I also no longer feel like strangling her when I see her. Which is good...I think.

Yeah - not even real sure why I posted this. Just such an odd thing to have an anniversary fall at this time.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So it sounds like you are approaching indifference.

So either deliberately do nothing, or do something by yourself or with friends that she would never do, do it as a sign of freedom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Just dealt with my anniversary on 12/9, would've been our 24th. Luckily it's also my BIL's b-day. Got through it pretty good, even when STBXH sent a text about finanial matters. Simply replied that it was not the best day to be contacting me, period. He asked why and I merely suggested a calendar check then he'd know. Being the kind to have the last word on things, he said we'd talk on monday then. Barely an observance let alone a "celebration". Found ways to divert myself and got through intact.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Shaggy said:


> So it sounds like you are approaching indifference.
> 
> So either deliberately do nothing, or do something by yourself or with friends that she would never do, do it as a sign of freedom.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes - fairly indifferent at this point.

She came over last night - we sorted through decorations and worked on "my" tree. She seemed very emotional about it all. The ornaments she'd bought for the kids - "our first house" - "our first christmas" - the kids kept asking her if she was crying and she kept saying no.

Can be hard in those moments not to feel almost a bit of pride or something. Knowing I did my best - knowing she didn't - seeing her finally fee a bit of a sting now and then. I really don't wish any ill will on her - but there's still a small part of me that feels like its about time she feel SOMETHING.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I get is niceguy... I have seen zero remorse or sorrow from my WH for what he has done to me... to our family. NONE


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I spent our 28th wedding anniversary with friends, ate food I bought from our still joint checking, drank alcohol from the same. It was not fun, but I did it. Just like I did Thanksgiving without STBXH and will do Christmas the same way. At least now it will be the "first" for each of them.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

ALTHOUGH - wouldn't it be "funny" to hit her with the SAPPIEST, SWEETEST CARD I could find? And do so at the LAST POSSIBLE FREAKIN' MINUTE so that she would truly end up getting me NOTHING?!?!?!

Feeling kind of mean today...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

The contemporary or modern seventeenth anniversary gift has a theme of furniture. So if she took some of that with her, you're cool. 

Otherwise go your own way and do something for yourself.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

NG, my 7th anniversary came and went 4 months after separation, I didn't even give it a thought, it was late that night I even realized "oh yeah, today's the 18th". I was a little somber but truly I didn't feel any urge to celebrate anything, nor did I find it any more or less painful than the days before or after. So I guess that means I was having success with my 180 at that point. Letting go really doesn't feel like its been much of a challenge (though coping with the loss and trying to find my purpose has).


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Just been a bad few days - trying to communicate with her about Christmas and Holiday schedules. Frustrated with her. And when we do talk - she's just seemed very emotional. Guess that "mean" part of me would like to find a way to take advantage of that!

She will actually have the kids that night (this Saturday). Not real sure what I will do with "my" time - but time alone lately has been scarce. If I was smart, I would probably get a few things done and then relax a bit. 

Maybe I'll pop a cork to celebrate my "Un-Anniversary."


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## NotSoSureYet (Nov 10, 2011)

NG - I remember my parents going thru their D over their 20th wedding anniversary. Mom was the one that initiated the D. My dad bought my mom a pearl necklace. And I remember her treating dad like crap because he got her the necklace. I have never asked either one if they regret their actions when that anniversary approached. 

I like the sappy card idea. Maybe it will trigger something. You never know......
Good Luck!!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

NotSoSureYet said:


> NG - I remember my parents going thru their D over their 20th wedding anniversary. Mom was the one that initiated the D. My dad bought my mom a pearl necklace. And I remember her treating dad like crap because he got her the necklace. I have never asked either one if they regret their actions when that anniversary approached.
> 
> I like the sappy card idea. Maybe it will trigger something. You never know......
> Good Luck!!


NSSY - Just so you know - I'm mostly kidding and blowing off some steam at this point.

Honestly though - with that kind of memory - doesn't really put your Mother in a very good light, does it? Or do you look back and think maybe your Dad was just trying too hard?

Its moments like those - when people talk about telling their kids too much detail - that I can't help but think reveal a lot more to the kids than either parent pointing a finger a the other and screaming "Her fault / His fault!"....


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Yeah, they are called unanniversaries. You celebrate them by thanking the good Lord that you aren't with them any more. No reason to do anything together. I considered asking my stbx just to sign the damn papers already for our 11th anniversary. Instead, I ignored him.


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