# Reconciliation after abuse/addiction



## Upsy_Daisy

My husband and I have been together 12 years, married for 5. We met when we were 16. For our whole relationship we have both abused marijuana and other drugs. Myself in particular, have smoked marijuana daily (constantly) since I was 13. 

I developed severe depression and PTSD after the birth of our first child who has special needs. Our relationship seemed to go down hill from there. I started smoking more and more. That was 4 years ago.

Since then my Husband has been physically violent on 3 seperate occasions. 5 months ago was the last instance of abuse and I left with our 2 children and moved in with my mother. Since leaving the family home I have been able to get off the Marijuana. I am off my anti-depressants and Im doing very well. I have returned to work and am enjoying living life as a normal person who is not stoned all the time!!

I love my husband and would like to reconcile. My husband is very keen to reconcile and has expressed his desire to attend relationship counselling. He said he will do what it takes. At the moment he is in a 24 week program focusing on anger/domestic violence. 

I am worried about breaking the news to my family who have taken me in for the past 5 months. They veiw him as a monster and quite frankly I dont want to hear their opinions, I want to do what I think is best for my life. What would you suggest is the best way to go about breaking the news ? Should I just come out and tell them Im reconciling?

My mother has already made the following comments to me;
"If you want to be miserable the get back with him."
"If you want to be treated like sh*t then get back with him."
"If you want nothing in life then get back with him."
"He will never be welcome in my house ever again."
"I hate him"

She has only one side of the story.... that he got angry and hit me.... so in essence he is the bad guy.

What are your thoughts on the best way to advise family of reconciliation?


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## EleGirl

Before I can give any advise I'd need to know about about these 3 incidents of violence. Could you please tell what happened?


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## PBear

For the most part, I agree with your mom, and would suggest she's just trying to look out for you. They've seen you be hurt repeatedly by this guy. They don't want o see their grand kids hurt as well.

If you want to do anything, maybe date your husband while living separately, and watch for regression on the anger management issues.

C


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## Upsy_Daisy

Hi Elegirl;
1st time was approx 4 months after first child was born (approx Nov 2009). He pushed me into a wall and slammed a door in my face. I had asked him to help with the baby and he got upset.
2nd time: September 2012 - he said I was nagging. Was verbally abusive at me. After an hour of abuse I smashed one of his mothers ornaments at his feet. He grabbed me in a choking type hold between his arm and forearm.
3rd time: 3 days after the second time - I Asked for help with the baby, Id been up all night. He jumped on top of me (I was in bed), being forceful with his knees and body. Pushed me out of bed. Followed me around the house for approx 30 mins verbally abusing me with intermittent physical attacks in between.

I have received Domestic Violence counselling from a couple of different organisations and their advice varies.

They either say that he will never change and I have to leave, Or, the drugs caused all the issues and if neither of us were on drugs then the abuse wouldnt have occurred.


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