# Black Sheep of Family



## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

I am the 2nd oldest of 4 children. My brother is 2 years older than I am. My sister is 7 years younger and my other brother is 9 years younger. My Dad is deceased. I have not been the "perfect" son by any means of the imagination but I certainly haven't been the worst. We have all made mistakes and I have made more than my share. Both my family and my wife's family live locally. Mostly everyone is within a half hour drive and some live in the same town. Nobody is further than an hour away. 

The dynamics of my family began to split after I got married and had my first child. My wife's side of her family is *extreemely* close. It's one of the many things that attracted me to my wife. Something I think I missed as a child growing up. Don't get me wrong, my family was loving and nuturing but it seemed like something was missing. After my first son was born, natuarally her family wanted to see thier grandchild and did so often. I have had and always will have an open door policy to my home and children when it comes to our families. My parents (at the time my Dad was still alive) came over to visit thier grandchild pretty often at ffiirst also, but looking back I see that quite often when my parents came my wife's parents or other members of her family would be visiting at the same time. Although I did not realize it when it was happening but looking back on things now I believe my parents began to get intimidated by her families presence. This led to less and less visits by my parents. One thing led to another and arguments broke out and my parents took the position that I was denying them the ability to have a relationship with thier grandson. They broke off all communication with me. My younger sister and brother did the same. My older brother was the only one that maintained communication with me. They missed the birth of my second child, my daughter. 

Sorry this is a long story but bare with me. My Dad started developing bad health issues and his docotor contacted me and convinced me to try and reestablish a relationship with him before he died. I took his advice and made ever effort to do so. We did reestablish a relationship but obviously it was never the same. My parents wanted to organize a family vacation were they and all 4 of thier children, spouses and grandchildren would go an be together which we were all for. By this time I had 3 children. We were all having trouble on agreeing were to go. My oldest brother had know children, my younger sister and younger brother both had 2 very young children under the age of ten. My 3 kids ranged in age from 13-17. My parents and my two younger siblings families wanted to go to a place to catered to young children. This resort was not cheap and if we were going to put out this money we wanted to go someplace that we could all enjoy. This obviously wasn't fair to my wife and kids and even less fair to my older brother and his wife since they didn't have any kids. 

To make a long story shorter, my parents and younger siblings went ahead and booked the trip without telling my older brother and me about it. I do believe that my mother and sister were the masterminds of this attempted cover up. I was visitting with my Dad one day when he slipped and told me about it. I questioned him about it and he immediately tried to change the subject and said I should talk to my mother about it. As I stated before my Dad's health was poor. He hadd already suffered 3 heart attacks and his heart was operating at 40%. i I didn't want to push the issue with him. I did confront my mother about it and she totally denied it saying my Dad was going senile and loosing his mind and didn't know what he was talking about. She kept up this sharaide the whole time. I finally figured out when they were planning this trip but kept it to myself. I didn't feel that I should upset my older brother too. 

It just so happens that about a week before this trip was suppose to take place that my older brother's wife's mother passed away. They scheduled the funeral for the same day that the vacation had been scheduled for. My mother actually had the audacity to call my sister-in-law and ask her if she could change the day of the funeral because my mother had "other plans". After finding this out I had to tell my brother what was really going on. Needless to say, my brothers wife could not believe what was going on and was *very* distraught over what my parents and siblings were doing. My parents and siblings all went on thier trip while my wife and I went to the funeral. 

My sister-in-law had every right not to forgive my parents and siblings for doing what they did to her as I did also. My sister-in-law and older brother eventually did make an effort to forgive them but obviously thats not something that is forgotten. This lead to the eventual break up of my older brother and sister-in-laws relationship. They are considering getting back together as we speak but that remains to be seen. My wife will probubly never forgive my mother for do this to me. This is just the final straw that broke the camels back. My mother has done several things to me directly and indirectly over the many years that we have been married and my wife just wont let this one go. I have foregiven my mother because she is my "Mom" and I still love her and always will. Problem now is that I think it's begining to affect my relationship with my wife's family and wife. I try not to let it but deep down in side I think that I am starting to hold a grudge against her parents for being so lovving and supportive. I am not doing this intentionally, I just think it rears its ugly head sometimes when I don't want it to. 

Any suggestions or feedback on what I should do would be greatly appreciated.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

I'm sorry your mother doesn't have her priorities straight (to say the least). But your wife's family must be a shining beacon of how a family is supposed to act. Thank god that you kids grew up with your wife's family showing them how a healthy family interacts. Don't take resentment out on the people who don't deserve it. Heck remember that little quote: Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Forgive and forget about your moms antics, it's not worth it. Put all your love and effort into the family that welcomes you with open arms.


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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

Thanks....your right. I do my best to focus on whats good in our family. I have to do my best to subdue these feeling of resentment and not let them surface.


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