# should i confront him



## pailinepark (Dec 5, 2017)

hi everyone 
i am new to this and i just need someone to share exactly how i feel with
i suspected my husband of 14years has been cheating on me
he tried hiding it, but i still doubted him
i finally decided to tell my friend, and she helped me by getting her brother who is a hacker to help me get all the information i need that proves my husband has been cheating on me constantly for 10years, he has been sleeping around and eveen has a 7year old boy with another woman, now i dont know how to confront him and show him all the pictures and videos of his infidelity.
i still want to keep my marriage but i am hurt deeply.

should i beg him to stop cheating or should i pretend i know nothing


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This is long term chronic betrayal and he is basically leading a double life. This is a lifestyle choice for him. 

What would 'confronting" him actually accomplish?

He knows he has been leading a double life for a decade and knows he has at least one child by another woman. Why would you need to prove to him he is cheating?

This is part of his character and part of his being. You cannot change him.

Your options are accept that your husband is of very abusmal character and a louse and remain legally married for whatever reason you want.

Or pack up and move in with your own life.

Neither of those options require a confrontation or to prove to him that he is a lowlife.

You can just simply do whatever it is that you believe is in your own best interests. You don't need his buy-in or cooperation for either. 

If you want a traditional, supportive, loving, sexually monogamous marriage, you are not going to get it with him. He is not marriage material and faithfulness is not in his nomenclature. 

What you do with your life is up to you. You can not transform him into a faithful husband.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Love him.
Love him forever.

Do so, from a place far away.
Do so with no ring. 
No, not a single, with none, no tie to him.

Love him forever, far away.
The farther the better, with him not in your life.
Live by and for yourself, you are doing this...anyway.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Why would you need to confront him and show him pictures of his infidelity?

He already KNOWS.

Don't know why Lilith is suggesting you "love him forever".

It's the last thing I'd do if I was in your shoes


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

pailinepark said:


> should i beg him to stop cheating or should i pretend i know nothing


NO and NO. 

Why would you want to stay in the marriage? Help us understand the reasoning behind this.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Hell yes you should confront him and i woudl begin by showing him a picture of his son and ask him who this kid is...honestly i'm not sure why you would want to stay with him, this goes so far beyond a one night stand or anything the like....you get that he has a separate family right while still being married to you?


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Should you beg him to stop cheating????No no no. Don't demean yourself. This man is a serial cheat, liar and deceiver. He has never been faithful to you ever, and he clearly has no intention of doing so. 

I have no idea why you dont get down to the lawyers office and then hand him the divorce papers. He is an awful man who has no moral values at all, no intention of keeping the promises he made to you, no integrity and no character.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

Slartibartfast said:


> You don't need to worry about keeping your marriage. The brutal truth is that you don't have one. You haven't had for ten years. You were only tricked into thinking you did. To be married, you need a husband. For at least ten years, you haven't had one. He's not going to stop cheating. He has another wife and child. Is he going to leave them, just because he has a spare? He as a spare and he didn't leave you. Remember, this isn't some weak-willed guy who got drunk and slipped up at the plastics convention. He willed himself out of your marriage to play his games.
> 
> You know, you've been donating money to maintenance of his child. Whether you worked and put money in the pot or you simply did without what that money would have done, you paid. And if you stay, you'll continue to pay for another ten years.
> 
> ...


This- 100 %. Let a lawyer confront him after you have everything set up how you want it. He's a sneaky bastard. Learn to do some sneaking of your own for your survival. 
Btw, he's not YOUR husband. He's someone you didn't know....and now you do. Proceed accordingly.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

pailinepark said:


> hi everyone
> i am new to this and i just need someone to share exactly how i feel with
> i suspected my husband of 14years has been cheating on me
> he tried hiding it, but i still doubted him
> ...


Why do you want to stay with a man who has been cheating your entire marriage? Before we can answer anything else, we need to know that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Bonkers said:


> Why would you need to confront him and show him pictures of his infidelity?
> 
> He already KNOWS.
> 
> ...


Well, the lady says she still loves him.
Yep, she did.
I heard it, and referenced it.
As I should and did.

She can do this. Dump the cheating fool and love him from two states away.
Who am I to tell another women not to love a man?

I will tell her to...from him, go away to.

-Lilith


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Well, the lady says she still loves him.
> Yep, she did.
> I heard it, and referenced it.
> As I should and did.
> ...


Who are we to tell anyone anything?

We are people who are being asked for advice. 

Still not seeing why she should love him from ANY state, she needs to start the disconnect process and ultimately cut him out of her life and out of her head. The sooner the better.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You don't really have a marriage to save.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Bonkers said:


> Who are we to tell anyone anything?
> 
> We are people who are being asked for advice.
> 
> Still not seeing why she should love him from ANY state, she needs to start the disconnect process and ultimately cut him out of her life and out of her head. The sooner the better.


Just what is your' real name and badge number?

I am going to report you to the Celestial Authorities.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yes, of course she needs to detach. She needs to get angry, then get even, then divorce him. Take him to the Dry Hump Cleaners.
No Vaseline for this bozo.

Happy now, O'Bonkers?

I feel much better.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Yes, of course she needs to detach. She needs to get angry, then get even, then divorce him. Take him to the Dry Hump Cleaners.
> No Vaseline for this bozo.
> 
> Happy now, O'Bonkers?
> ...


O'Lilith,

I like the change in thought,
My hands, they are no longer wrought

That much said,
Please don't see red

I would be more happy,
If you weren't so snappy

Your friend

Bonkers


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Just what is your' real name and badge number?
> 
> I am going to report you to the Celestial Authorities.


I am the Big Dipper


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Bonkers said:


> I am the Big Dipper


Ah yes, young man. Thou art smitten.
No truer words written.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*What marriage? 

Lawyer up! Retain yourself a good “piranha” family attorney who will literally take his worthless a$$ to the cleaners!*


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## pailinepark (Dec 5, 2017)

thanks everyone 
i have read different advices given 
but i still love my husband 
i have sacrificed so much for us


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Why do you want to stay with a man who has been cheating your entire marriage? Before we can answer anything else, we need to know that.


This is key


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

pailinepark said:


> thanks everyone
> i have read different advices given
> but i still love my husband
> i have sacrificed so much for us


Cut your losses.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pailinepark said:


> thanks everyone
> i have read different advices given
> but i still love my husband
> i have sacrificed so much for us



Yet he doesn't love you. He is a man of no moral character at all. Why do you think so little of yourself that you feel you must be with a man who acts so terribly towards you? Who has no respect for you at all? Who cares nothing for your wellbeing? Who has risked losing you for your whole marriage? Who made promises that he never had any intention of keeping? Where is your self respect?
Its not about love(although who can love such an appalling man I have no idea)its about whether you want a marriage or not. You haven't got one right now and you never will have with him. There is no honesty, no faithfulness and no trust, what is left?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

pailinepark said:


> thanks everyone
> i have read different advices given
> but i still love my husband
> i have sacrificed so much for us


You loved what you convinced yourself that he could be.

The 'real' him is unlovable. Only your fantasy of him was love-worthy.

And yes, you have sacrificed a lot. But what has that sacrifice gotten you in return???

What reciprocity have you received in return from him?


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

He's not going to miraculously and suddenly change because you let him know he's caught. 

You hold NO CARDS if you confront him. He's played you....for a long time. I know that part hurts badly but it is what it is. 

Time to get off the ride. You cannot change him. He's not even what you thought he was. 

Love yourself 'cause he ain't doing it.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

pailinepark said:


> thanks everyone
> i have read different advices given
> but i still love my husband
> i have sacrificed so much for us


You love the man you thought he was. He has been deceiving you about who he is. The real man you are married to is a cheating, lying, deceptive person who doesn't truly love you.

I'm sorry that you have sacrificed for your marriage when your husband was using your sacrifices to bolster his secret lifestyle and his relationships with other women.

You are currently in denial in order to deal with the terrible shock you are experiencing. It may take a while before it starts to really sink in about what is happening. You are not the only woman in your husband's life. He has not sacrificed for you or your love. He has used you and taken advantage of you. Think about that for a while.

Please do not confront him. Get a book on divorce in your state and read it thoroughly, then go file for divorce. Do not let him know what you are doing. Just go and do it. Once he is served, he'll know the deal.


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