# Life After Divorce: Taking That First Step



## Administrator (May 8, 2013)

The end of your marriage might feel like your world has ended. No matter why it happened, a divorce means that you now have to readjust your entire life so you can thrive, despite the absence of a person who used to be a huge part of your everyday routine. The thought of getting back into a life by yourself may be terrifying, exciting, or both. Don’t ever feel like you need to push yourself beyond your comfort level or “give in” to well-meaning friends just to make others happy. You’re experiencing a major life change, and you have every right to take the time you need to heal before investing yourself in new relationships.

*Give yourself time to grieve.*

Your divorce may have been a relief, or perhaps you’re still reeling from the shock and anguish of being betrayed by your spouse. No matter the reason for your divorce, the end of your marriage marks a loss in your life—the loss of a relationship, of hopes you used to share with someone you loved, and perhaps of a feeling of purpose, direction, security, and self-worth.
As with any great loss, it’s essential to allow yourself time to grieve. Mourn what you’ve lost, perhaps writing your feelings down in a journal or talking to a therapist if you struggle to face the deep emotions that you’re feeling. Only once you’ve let yourself go through the grieving process can you fully begin to heal.

*Surround yourself with people you love and trust.*

The most important thing to do after a divorce is to surround yourself with people who love you and whom you trust. No matter why your marriage ended, you’re probably struggling with feelings of self-doubt, hurt, and fear about your future. Reach out to friends who will listen to you vent but also encourage you in positive ways. Spend time with those who help you focus on your needs and your future, not those who bad-mouth your ex and encourage you to feel sorry for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with indulging in a little self-pity for a short time, but dwelling on it will only make it harder for you to forgive and move past any hurt you feel.
*Spend time getting to know yourself again.*

A divorce can open up new opportunities for you to rediscover things about yourself that you might have put aside during your marriage. Have you always wanted to learn a new skill, get a pet, or participate in a community organization? Make the effort to get out of the house and rediscover interests you’re passionate about. Doing this will help you rebuild your sense of self, which can sometimes get lost in a difficult marriage. If you’re now a single parent, it may be a challenge to find time alone, so reach out to family and friends who can help you with childcare.

*Find new single friends.*

Now that you’re single, it can help to spend time with single friends, who understand the challenges you’re facing and how to get through them. If most of your friends are married, find local groups of single adults, join groups for single parents on Facebook, or attend local events where you’re more likely to meet people who share your interests. You don’t have to start dating right away, but making new friends is a great place to start building positive new relationships that will help you heal and move forward.

Divorce is never easy, and it may be a while before you feel like life is anything close to “normal” again. Allow yourself to heal emotionally. Take the time to focus on your own needs and goals. Rediscover who you are and what you love, and you’ll be that much more prepared if and when you’re ready to take the next step and begin looking for a long-term relationship again.

We love hearing from you! What is your biggest post-divorce challenge? What has helped you heal? Let us know in the comments!

~VS Glen


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