# going through a divorce did know he filed



## hypergenickitty (Sep 25, 2012)

Me and my boyfriend were together for 6 years and had a baby together 4 years ago, we JUST got married 2 months ago. He was the type of husband that would die for me, never leave me alone, always talked to me on the cell phone even if it was just going across the street to the store. He was so obsessed with me, and I loved that. But he was controlling and it got bad to the point when we went to target he did not want me to go inside the store with shorts on, screaming and yelling fine go ahead and have all those men look at you!! Causing a huge scene...the police were called by 8 different people saying he was hitting me (witch he didn't) but i thought he was going to when he approached me the way he did and i hit him in self defense. Well he got arrested, and there was a no contact filed but he was still seeing me secretly. When he freaked out one night we were seeing each other because of a police car showing up (not for him) but he ran to his mothers house. Where ever since he did that i havent heard from him. And now heard through lawyers he is sick of the abuse, he is divorcing me and wants to take my child away from me to get sole custody. I found out he filed for a IRRETRIEVEBLY BROKEN divorce does that mean we will ever have a chance if he wants to get back with me? what does that mean?. Is he just doing all of this to get himself out of trouble with the target incident? Or do you think he wants to get back together with me after all of this? I mean he is downright in love obsessed with me. I feel like he set me up in such a way to take our child away from me. And im in no where close to abusive.. period. Im so devastated he is doing all of this to me, I have no home or car that we shared or husband anymore... Im so sad and depressed. He was the only person ive ever been with in my whole life.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Well I'm tempted to say consider yourself lucky he filed for divorce, but I know you are devastated by this.

Normally, this kind of dysfunction ends when the 'abused' party files for divorce and moves on. In your case, if what you're saying is true, the abuser himself filed which is quite rare.

Your anxiety and sadness are normal feelings that are highly related to your codependency. You and your husband both sound very insecure and codependent. Read up on codependency

You should really go ahead with the divorce. Your husband's obsession is highly toxic and, as you witnessed, a major source of trouble (legally and maritally). You are also quite the 'enabler' yourself. I can tell by your own words:



> He was so obsessed with me, and I loved that.


Your husband has made the right move. Use the opportunity to learn about yourself. I hope your husband does the same. You both need to.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Well I'm tempted to say consider yourself lucky he filed for divorce, but I know you are devastated by this.

Normally, this kind of dysfunction ends when the 'abused' party files for divorce and moves on. In your case, if what you're saying is true, the abuser himself filed which is quite rare.

Your anxiety and sadness are normal feelings that are highly related to your codependency. You and your husband both sound very insecure and codependent. Read up on codependency

You should really go ahead with the divorce. Your husband's obsession is highly toxic and, as you witnessed, a major source of trouble (legally and maritally). You are also quite the 'enabler' yourself. I can tell by your own words:



> He was so obsessed with me, and I loved that.


Your husband has made the right move. Use the opportunity to learn about yourself. I hope your husband does the same. You both need to.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I'm thinking about responding to both also.


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## Hellioness (Jul 6, 2012)

Why did you hit him in self defense if he didn't hit you? Did you hit him simply because he was yelling? I'm confused.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Hellioness said:


> Why did you hit him in self defense if he didn't hit you? Did you hit him simply because he was yelling? I'm confused.


It happens. Husband probably got in her face and she hit him or pushed him back. 

Doesn't really matter at this point. He got arrested and filed for divorce later. At least he's doing the right thing. She doesn't seem to realize the level of dysfunction.


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