# Are emotional affairs "normal" ?



## paleblue22 (May 27, 2014)

Maybe I am naive ... 

I had a certain way of what I thought an hoped marriage would be, but the older I get I realize that I was mistaken. 

I know so many people around me who's spouses have had emotional and physical affairs, more than I thought were possible and I didn't think it would happen to me because we were different ... but I was wrong. 

My husband has had a min of 3 emotional affairs online on sites such as whisper, tumblr and kik where he sends and receives naked pictures. I am a snooper so I had found them and when he is confronted he takes responsibility yet claims that he is a normal 26 year old man who has high sexual desires. It does not mean he is not happy or doesn't love me or doesn't want to be with me - he says he just becomes curious. 

At first he thought he has an addiction, but quickly recanted that after Marriage/Sex therapy happened but I keep finding out its happening even though I make his life hell after he does it and I describe how awful it makes me feel about myself and our marriage. 

Please someone tell me that with all the interenet out there accesible to our men that this behavior is a phase or is somewhat normal? That nothing is wrong with me? 

We have such a good marriage and life together I just dont understand this one bit, I need help educating myself or something. 

I dont need any negative or judgmental responses, move the F on if you don't have some good healthy advice, thanks!


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## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't know.

Is robbery normal? It certainly happens. And it probably doesn't mean we should decriminalize robbery either.


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## paleblue22 (May 27, 2014)

Good point, TimeHeals. 

I wish I understood it and what it means and why. 

Those things would help me move past it or move on.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

They are common, but not normal in the sense that they are destructive to the "normal" fabric of a marriage.


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## MoonBay (Mar 10, 2013)

Emotional affairs are not normal and it's a horrible excuse for him to tell you he was "just curious" or a "male with a high sex drive"

What consequences have you given him if he continues this behavior? Has he given you passwords to all of his social media/email/phone accounts?

Do not for one second believe that this behavior is acceptable in committed, monogamous relationships because it's not. And that's why you're having issues trying to accept the reasons he's given you for his actions.

You can't accept it or understand it because you know it isn't right!

It sounds like he does not respect you at all and continues to do it because you haven't given him any consequences if the behavior continues. For example, making it clear that you will not tolerate his continued disrespect and will leave the relationship.


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## paleblue22 (May 27, 2014)

MoonBay - 

Thank you and I agree it is a horrible excuse. I do have all his passwords and free range to snoop, check and do anything I want or need on his phone and our shared computer. 
He even got rid of his smart phone for 5 months because he felt it got rid of the accessibility to go on those types of sites, but ultimatley it is his decision (which I told him that) He agreed. 

He's a grown man, I mean seriously! 

Consequences, he has stayed away for a couple days. We have had many long talks and heart to hearts about this. We went to therapy for 2 months. We moved. We have made commitments to work on ourselves apart and together. But .... we have 2 small children and a life together, maybe he knows theres not a lot else I can do ... and a full on divorce bc of an "emotional" affair seems like a drastic decision for my childrens sake. (of course I dont tell him that, I act tough to him) 

I am no door mat, let me tell you. 

But you are right he doesn't respect me. I have given him more than a happy and fufilling life, he literally had nothing before me so it leads me to believe that his "excuses" and "reasons" are true.
Curiousity, excitment and horomones. 

I dont know ....


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

paleblue22 said:


> Please someone tell me that with all the interenet out there accesible to our men that this behavior is a phase or is somewhat normal? That nothing is wrong with me?


There is nothing wrong with you, and this isn't normal male behavior. I know (with a serial cheating WW, boy do I know) how easy it is to lose faith in humanity and the opposite sex due to their actions. Just know this is not normal behavior and your H needs help. 

If it was a sex addiction he would spend time looking at porn, but he is spending time and energy "interacting" with other women (so see it is not just a male thing) and trying to hide it so it is an issue within him. I am not saying that there are not issues in your marriage for which you may be responsible (you say you have a happy marriage, but then I said the same thing until I discovered my wife's carnal adventures and she told me it was because of how unhappy our marriage is), but his EA's are not your fault, those are 100% his to own. 

It is amazing how two people within the same "everything", can perceive it as completely different. 

Good luck, get him help, and decide if this is something that you can tolerate the rest of your marriage if he can't change (as he has currently demonstrated that he has little desire or ability to by repeating the actions and repeatedly getting caught. Consequences and boundaries are in order.).


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

What did the counselor say that this was normal? 

I am confused by that sentence about the counseling.

When some people are in a committed relationship, they realize that they have made vows, promises to people that they love and care about their feelings.

to some people, the promises that they make have meaning and they choose boundaries so that they do not hurt the people they profess to love.

my son complains that I go thru life with blinders on. So I made vows when I got married. If I need to keep blinders on, so much the better. At least with good boundaries, and I guess the "blinders", at least I feel that I have tried to be a good husband. 

I do know that I work too hard, and I have many mistakes and that I am not the best H. Probably working too hard to provide for my family has caused some of the problems in our marriage. 

Some day I hope to retire, and not spend so much time working.

But at this stage of life, I do think sometimes it is better to not have an EA, because I do not think that is always a normal experience.

So I do not agree that EAs are normal. there are too many of them, but if you avoid them, that is one less horrible problem in life.


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## paleblue22 (May 27, 2014)

Squeakr - 

It is amazing how two people within the same "everything", can perceive it as completely different. 

Best line of the day. This is exactly my dilemia. He says it's one thing and I feel it's another. He thinks its a small thing and I think its a big issue. Are we both right? 

He does watch porn and a lot of it, this has been another issue and one that has been banned from our marriage, but I felt the bigger issue is the pictures with other random women.


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## MoonBay (Mar 10, 2013)

paleblue22 said:


> Squeakr -
> 
> It is amazing how two people within the same "everything", can perceive it as completely different.
> 
> ...


He's saying it's a small thing to justify his behavior. I highly doubt it would be a small thing to him if you were doing the same thing with other men.


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## paleblue22 (May 27, 2014)

He went to a counsler on his own that told him that he was not "cheating" 100% and that his sexual peak and desires for his age were somewhat normal.

Our marriage/sex counsler together would no define normal bc that is different for everyone in all types of marriages. 

So again, not answers there.


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## paleblue22 (May 27, 2014)

MoonBay said:


> He's saying it's a small thing to justify his behavior. I highly doubt it would be a small thing to him if you were doing the same thing with other men.


I told him the same thing and have threatened to do it. Obliviously, I wont and know I shouldnt.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Nah, I don't think that's normal. He's palming it off as something harmless, because he didn't actually have sex with anyone. IMO, I still feel it is indicative or a personality flaw that he would interact with women like this outside his marriage.

Does it make him more likely to cheat in real time if you shut him down? Who knows. Is it an entrance into the world of infidelity that could escalate? I'd think it is.

He needs to sit and confront himself about his motivations, and not simply try to talk his way out of trouble. Ask he where he sees this leading, and is that the type of husband that will hold his pride later on.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

paleblue22 said:


> He went to a counsler on his own that told him that he was not "cheating" 100% and that his sexual peak and desires for his age were somewhat normal.


What was said. Versus what he heard:

Blah, Blah, Blah *not "cheating"* and blah blah blah *normal*.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

paleblue22 said:


> I told him the same thing and have threatened to do it. Obliviously, I wont and know I shouldnt.


Don't or you will stoop to his level and feel bad about yourself. That is an open marriage essentially and I don't think that is what you want.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

paleblue22 said:


> He went to a counsler on his own that told him that he was not "cheating" 100% and that his sexual peak and desires for his age were somewhat normal.
> 
> Our marriage/sex counsler together would no define normal bc that is different for everyone in all types of marriages.
> 
> So again, not answers there.


Do you hear the counselor say he was not cheating 100%, or was that what H told you the counselor said. Big difference: One is an actual statement by a counselor, the other is a cheater's lie.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Paleblue, don't let your husband get away with trying to talk you into accepting that his behavior is normal. What a jerk. Sorry but he is.

I'm a guy, and yes, it would be fun and exciting to flirt with chicks online, but I'm married so I made the choice to not do stuff like that. It's hurtful to the person I've built a life with and had kids with. Why would I hurt my wife deeply? Because I've got sexual urges and crave excitement from others? No, I can't do that. It's one of those things considerate and good people do...they have empathy for the other person. Your husband is lacking in that area

Like I said, he's a jerk and you need to get really tough. Actually I almost think you should file for divorce for just treating you like an idiot for claiming what he's doing is natural and normal. He's testing you to see what he can get away with. 

Since he's trying to weasel out of it and make excuses, you need to scare the heck out of him by filing for divorce if it happens again. You both are young and have a lot of years ahead of you. If you don't put a stop to this now, you're doomed. This kind of stuff only gets worse with time.


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## MoonBay (Mar 10, 2013)

paleblue22 said:


> I told him the same thing and have threatened to do it. Obliviously, I wont and know I shouldnt.


You're right to keep the moral high ground. Revenge affairs hurt no one but yourself.

Empty threats won't make him stop.

It would be a good idea to get into marriage counseling and individual counseling. Find a counselor that will hold him accountable for his actions and make it clear that his behavior isn't acceptable in your relationship.

He is not a therapist and can't diagnose himself, it only helps him make more excuses and rationalizations to continue on his path.

He needs to understand that he is wrong for his actions and he needs to do the heavy lifting to make sure you feel secure again in the relationship. 

You are 50% responsible for whatever was going on in the marriage, however he is 100% responsible for deciding to cheat. Don't ever let him blame that on you.


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## paleblue22 (May 27, 2014)

Forest said:


> He needs to sit and confront himself about his motivations, and not simply try to talk his way out of trouble. Ask he where he sees this leading, and is that the type of husband that will hold his pride later on.


Thanks Forest for your help. I have felt that our deep convos have uncovered he has no desire to actually cheat (so he says) He also admits to feel really ashamed of his actions that of a Father, Husband and hard working man who once had nothing to now having everything. 
He says he loves me and wants to be with only me but has moments of weakness that cause him to be curious and bored. (Again maybe excuses) 

Do you think because he came from nothing he still sees himself as nothing and deserving nothing therefore is self sabotaging? Or am i just making excuses now ...


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

paleblue22 said:


> Thanks Forest for your help. I have felt that our deep convos have uncovered he has no desire to actually cheat (so he says) He also admits to feel really ashamed of his actions that of a Father, Husband and hard working man who once had nothing to now having everything.
> He says he loves me and wants to be with only me but has moments of weakness that cause him to be curious and bored. (Again maybe excuses)
> 
> Do you think because he came from nothing he still sees himself as nothing and deserving nothing therefore is self sabotaging? *Or am i just making excuses now* ...


You're just making excuses now. It's real simple. He stops. That's it. Or you file for divorce.


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## paleblue22 (May 27, 2014)

MoonBay said:


> You are 50% responsible for whatever was going on in the marriage, however he is 100% responsible for deciding to cheat. Don't ever let him blame that on you.


Moonbay you are 100% right with what you've said so far and thank you. 
Actually everyone has been so helpful, I cant thank you enough. 

I know that problems in marriage are not 1 sided and I wish I could see myself through his eyes so I knew what to work on or change. He doesnt seem to be honest with me.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He may have self-esteem issues to work out, and he needs to get on that, but he's making excuses. 

He did what he did because he wanted to. That's what it comes down to. And it was wrong. 

If this isn't resolved, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of this. Or worse. 

PS: I don't believe his counselor said that.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

There is nothing normal about hurting you repeatedly. He's making that choice every time he is "curious" and "bored" - he's making a CHOICE to hurt you with his online activities.

And his counselor is an idiot, if he really told him that it wasn't cheating. Once you go from passively viewing porn to masturbate to actively seeking out and sending penis pics to another person, that's cheating.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Drooling over a Playboy might be normal. Messaging, sending, and coaxing nude pics from random women crosses over into affair territory. How much energy and effort does he expend on it? 

I wouldn't over analyze this. Its a thrill for him. Be concerned for the day that random nude photos aren't enough.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

paleblue22 said:


> He says he loves me and wants to be with only me but has moments of weakness that cause him to be curious and bored. (Again maybe excuses)


These are excuses and nothing more. Stop enabling him as well. I can guarantee that if he is a Husband and Father like you say he is then he isn't sitting on the couch watching Family Guy when he decides, "huh, I am bored, guess I'll whip it out right her and have a chat and exchange some pics with some exciting and interesting woman on line!"

He is doing this in the hidden recesses somewhere that he won't be seen or caught. Get him a hobby and not sitting in the back room with a phone or computer "chatting up babes online!" Find him something around the house to keep him occupied and from getting bored. 

I bet you have a honey do list laying around somewhere with his name on it to keep him from getting bored??


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

norajane said:


> And his counselor is an idiot, if he really told him that it wasn't cheating. Once you go from passively viewing porn to masturbate to actively seeking out and sending penis pics to another person, that's cheating.


Agree with this, but OP did say "cheating 100%" and not just "cheating". Some people and there are several here on TAM that have a different ideal of what is "true" cheating and don't see EA's as such. By their definition cheating carries the same definition as adultery, sexual intercourse with someone other than the spouse. Think Clinton: "What is your definition of the word 'the'?"


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

paleblue22 said:


> I know that problems in marriage are not 1 sided and I wish I could see myself through his eyes so I knew what to work on or change. He doesnt seem to be honest with me.


None of us are perfect marriage partners. There are always things we can do to improve. But cheating is always wrong and is never justified.

You need to stop playing the poor weepy victim, and go on the offensive and get tough with your guy. He's got a lot to lose here but I believe he thinks he can talk you into accepting that that's the way it is.

In fact I'm wondering myself if eventually you'll resign yourself to the fact that men have those urges and instead of fighting with him about it, you can make peace with it and let him have his little internet-sex-naked-pic-chats, or whatever it is. Trust me, you don't want to go down that road. You won't like where it ends up.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> Agree with this, but OP did say "cheating 100%" and not just "cheating". Some people and there are several here on TAM that have a different ideal of what is "true" cheating and don't see EA's as such. By their definition cheating carries the same definition as adultery, sexual intercourse with someone other than the spouse. Think Clinton: "What is your definition of the word 'the'?"


Since he wouldn't do it in front of his wife, and since he wouldn't want his wife to be doing the exact same thing he is doing, he KNOWS it's cheating. 

He's just grabbing onto the one thing that he hasn't done yet - meeting one of these women in person to have sex - as justification that it's not really cheating. For all we know, that's next on his agenda when he gets "curious." For all we know, he HAS done that already. 

I wouldn't be having sex with him anymore, for sure.


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## paleblue22 (May 27, 2014)

Cubby said:


> None of us are perfect marriage partners. There are always things we can do to improve. But cheating is always wrong and is never justified.
> 
> You need to stop playing the poor weepy victim, and go on the offensive and get tough with your guy. He's got a lot to lose here but I believe he thinks he can talk you into accepting that that's the way it is.
> 
> In fact I'm wondering myself if eventually you'll resign yourself to the fact that men have those urges and instead of fighting with him about it, you can make peace with it and let him have his little internet-sex-naked-pic-chats, or whatever it is. Trust me, you don't want to go down that road. You won't like where it ends up.


Ok you are borderline rude and pissing me off. Please stop judging and labeling me. Some of your advice is helpful but most is rude and negative. I said in my original post that ppl like that can move on. Thanks. 
Any positive and helpful posts are welcomed from you from this point forward. 
How's that's for a weepy victim? (Which I couldn't be farther from in my life and on this site)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> Agree with this, but OP did say "cheating 100%" and not just "cheating". Some people and there are several here on TAM that have a different ideal of what is "true" cheating and don't see EA's as such. By their definition cheating carries the same definition as adultery, sexual intercourse with someone other than the spouse. Think Clinton: "What is your definition of the word 'the'?"


Well, whatever degree of cheating or unfaithfulness or whatever we want to call it, whether it's 100 percent cheating, what he's doing is 100 percent wrong. I think we all agree on that, along with complete agreement that the counselor is an idiot.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

paleblue22 said:


> Ok you are borderline rude and pissing me off. Please stop judging and labeling me. Some of your advice is helpful but most is rude and negative. I said in my original post that ppl like that can move on. Thanks.
> Any positive and helpful posts are welcomed from you from this point forward.
> How's that's for a weepy victim? (Which I couldn't be farther from in my life and on this site)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I apologize. Re-reading it, it does come across as harsh. I won't post anymore but stand by my advice that your only choice is to get tough with him and stop trying to understand the behavior.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

paleblue22 said:


> Ok you are borderline rude and pissing me off. Please stop judging and labeling me. Some of your advice is helpful but most is rude and negative. I said in my original post that ppl like that can move on. Thanks.
> Any positive and helpful posts are welcomed from you from this point forward.
> How's that's for a weepy victim? (Which I couldn't be farther from in my life and on this site)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry you are here, but you are going to need to get a thicker skin to get through this an not get walked over by him. You can not nice him out of his ways. You are now a card carrying member of the club no one wants to be a member of. I think that you have gotten great advice, and I really saw nothing wrong with Cubby's post. You have been lucky in that this is the worst you have gotten it, if you were a man you would have been called beta, a cuckold, and numerous other things several times over.

I can see you not wanting negativity in the suggestions, but it is an open forum and people are allowed to post their opinions. Your request for those that are negative to move on, is nothing more than that, a request. You'll find on here people will post as they see fit.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Cubby said:


> Well, whatever degree of cheating or unfaithfulness or whatever we want to call it, whether it's 100 percent cheating, what he's doing is 100 percent wrong. I think we all agree on that, along with complete agreement that the counselor is an idiot.


QFT :iagree::iagree::iagree: And most of us would say he is cheating (heck most of the world would say he is cheating)

But then what do we know, we are generally only the betrayed.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

paleblue22 said:


> Ok you are borderline rude and pissing me off. Please stop judging and labeling me. Some of your advice is helpful but most is rude and negative. I said in my original post that ppl like that can move on. Thanks.
> Any positive and helpful posts are welcomed from you from this point forward.
> How's that's for a weepy victim? (Which I couldn't be farther from in my life and on this site)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's not really wrong in what he said, though.

It's a slippery slope from porn to actively seeking out people to exchange pictures and talk dirty to meeting them in person. People who are stuck on this sort of entertainment tend to go further and further and further in order to satisfy their thrill-seeking. 

It needs to be quashed before it escalates.

What consequences have you implemented so far? Blocked access to those websites (he'll find others)? Stopped having sex with him because it's unclear whether he met any of these women (or other women) in person and might have been exposed to STD's? Restarted counseling together?

Have you ever put divorce on the table? Does he know that's a possibility? Does he understand that his behavior will lead to a divorce, eventually?

What has he done to ensure this won't happen again?


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## paleblue22 (May 27, 2014)

Squeakr said:


> QFT :iagree::iagree::iagree: And most of us would say he is cheating (heck most of the world would say he is cheating)
> 
> But then what do we know, we are generally only the betrayed.


Agreed, he is cheating, that was never my question. 
I am grateful for the advice I've gotten. I needed to be understood and listened to by unbiased people who would tell me the truth and be honest if I was over reacting or what marriage or men should and should not be. I can get caught up and believe in what I want to hear from my husband. I will be sharing this forum with him, I think all these perspectives will help him and I both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

First of all, I am so sorry your husband has done this to you. The answer to your question is NO, EA's are not 'normal' by most definitions. I suppose an argument could be made that since so many people do it, it IS becoming normal, but all that is is an excuse. The question shouldn't be is it normal, the question should be is it RIGHT. And the answer to that is a resounding NO.

Please read the link in my signature about what my husband did. He went from plain porn to internet porn to sex chats to sending naked pics to setting up a meeting with a 'model'. Your husband is a baldfaced liar if he says he did all this just because he was 'curious'. The fact he can't stop tells you that he either has a sex addiction or he simply doesn't care what you say.

Any counselor who says something 'isn't 100% cheating' should have their license revoked. That's like saying you're not 100% pregnant!!

Your husband IS cheating on you. No matter what he or some stupid counselor say. DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENTLY.

First thing you have to do is get STD tested. You also must demand that hubby dearest get tested as well, and you go with him when he gets the results.

Next thing: STOP trying to figure out what YOU can do to fix this. YOU CAN'T. This is not a result of something you did - it's a result of your husband being seriously messed in the head. The WHY doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that he stop. NOW. today. FOR GOOD.

My suggestion is that the next time you catch him doing this crap, you kick his a$$ out the door. Immediately. Maybe - MAYBE - that will send a message that you've had ENOUGH. The empty threats you've been making serve no purpose other than to tell your husband that you are willing to just keep putting up with his behaviour.


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## MoonBay (Mar 10, 2013)

paleblue22 said:


> Agreed, he is cheating, that was never my question.
> I am grateful for the advice I've gotten. I needed to be understood and listened to by unbiased people who would tell me the truth and be honest if I was over reacting or what marriage or men should and should not be. *I can get caught up and believe in what I want to hear from my husband.* I will be sharing this forum with him, I think all these perspectives will help him and I both.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Be careful for the portion in bold. Listen to what he says and his actions, do your best to avoid turning it into what you want to hear.

I hope you find the strength to play hardball with your husband, it seems like you have it in you.

Don't settle for less than what you expect to have in a relationship. You know what to do if he fails to meet your expectations.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Oh, and one more thing. I hate the term 'emotional affair' for internet sex cheating. It's a sexual affair that just hasn't happened in person yet. A non-physical sexual affair if you will. For that matter, what is an EA if not a PA that just hasn't happened yet?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Philat said:


> They are common, but not normal in the sense that they are destructive to the "normal" fabric of a marriage.


A very good post.

And by the way, your husband is NOT normal and this is a very serious issue.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Just sticking my nose in here to help clarify what the counselor said about normal.
Counselors don't like the word normal. I don't like the word Normal. In fact looking for normal has not helped you understand your situation. 
Normal could be defined as average, but that really wouldn't help you. You (I think) define normal as being Not Sick. Now his counselor in order to protect him from guilt is saying that you have all these desires everyone does. So his desires are average. All that says is he is not Sick, but that doesn't help you or him. BTW acting on those desires is much closer to the Sick line.
What normal really is is what is acceptable in the society. Now what he is doing or has done may be acceptable in the society of his buddies and him But it is not acceptable in the society of him and you and the children. In that society it is very much not normal or expected or accepted.
I hope that helps you get past Normal.
Now 2 more things.
Hope 1964 said something about using the term Emotional affair for sexual interaction over the internet. Hope was very right about that. There is more sex and less emotion in that behavior than in the old emotional affair. The old emotional affair started out as friends but too many intimacies (non sexual) were shared and the friendship replaces the intimacy (sexual) in the marriage. Not to say that sharing pictures is not way too intimate.
2nd the number of infidelities at his age is very high. 3 episodes over 15 years is one thing. 3 episodes over 3 years is another. Probably an addiction. In my uneducated opinion.
Wrap up: In the beginning you said that you had an image in your mind of what marriage would be. You are trying to decide if you were wrong to expect that, My answer is that marriages have bumps. What you are experiencing is not a bump, it looks a lot like a train wreck from here. You should not accept that.
MN


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## LeeLee123 (May 9, 2013)

Hi paleblue22. I feel for you. It's tough when the trust between a husband and wife gets derailed. I think it may be normal for a 26 year old man to struggle with his thought life. We live in a culture that is highly sexual, and most men have to struggle with this. I do think it is a huge problem when a husband acts out on those temptations. He is married to you. Porn or cybersex does not place in your marriage. My husband and I are one. Me and him. Not me, him and the some cybersex on the side. 

Cybersex, unlike pornography or masturbation, usually involves another human being. This is where "virtual" sexual activity takes participants to a deeper and more troubling level. In some cases, "virtual" technology enables online lovers to live out their passions in a vivid and all-consuming way. By using a "virtual reality suit," for example, they can stop just short of the physical act itself. This is not a passive experience. It requires participation and interaction. To that extent it can't help but take on a certain "relational" aspect. 

And an addictive one as well. You seem to really love your husband and cherish your marriage/family. I would suggest counseling again (with a different Counselor) and clear boundaries. A good book for you would be Love Must be Tough by Dr. James Dobson. Our library carries a copy - maybe yours does too or you can find it in a bookstore. I hope this helps. Sending you a hug! -Mother of 3 Blessings


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