# Husband lying about chewing again



## Ace2125 (Jul 17, 2017)

Hello Everyone,

I met my husband 7 years ago and at the time he was a chewer. I didn't like the fact but I figured it was his choice not mine. I just asked he not do it around me. After dating for some months he called me one day and said he was going to try to quit. I was shocked, yet happy. I let him know I would be there to support him. Following that he was very mean to me when I seen him and he told me "that if he just had a can we would be fine". He acted like it was my fault he was quitting and I didn't make that decision he did. But I figured he was probably going through hell so I would just ride it out and try to be supportive.

Fast forward another year, we got engaged and were planning our wedding, I was so proud of him and thought all was going well. But then that summer I started seeing stuff in his teeth so finally I asked him (not being confrontational at all) because I was hoping I was wrong. He admitted he had started again. I was so hurt & a bit mad. But I dealt with it and just thought once again it's his choice not mine.

He continued chewing for another year maybe, and for whatever reason decided to quit. I again was happy but leary. So I just went with it and took it one day at a time. Fast forward another 2 years and chewing wasn't a topic at all anymore besides him continually saying how glad he was to have quit and never wanted to go through that again, so I'm thinking all is well. Until one day I go with him to his work because he needed to get somethings being he was changing jobs, and here in his work area sits a can of chew. I calmly asked him about it and he told me it was old and had been there forever. I thought it was B.S. but it had been so long I wanted to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt, so I did.

Fast forward to last Friday, I had thought I was seeing stuff again in his teeth for a little while but I didn't want to ask being it had been 3 years, and by chance I would be wrong, so I waited to have proof and to actually see a can. We were out by his truck and I looked inside and here he had 2 cans hidden behind his seat. So again not being confrontational I asked "Are you doing something again"? He knew immediately what I meant and he lied right to my face and said NO, I don't think he thought I had seen the cans and by that time he had positioned himself so they would be out of my view but I had the proof right there so I pointed to them and said "yes you are, don't lie to me". He than said yes he had started doing it again but not all the time. He kind of acted like it was peer pressure, please, spare me!!! I was sooooo hurt and mad. This time I barked at him a little, I just couldn't help it.

It's not about the chewing as much as it's the lying to me, yes I don't like the chewing either but it's his continually being dishonest with me. I have a hard time trusting as it is and he keeps doing this. Now I'm questioning everything that he has told me, did he ever quit at all?? 

What hurts more is it didn't matter to him at all that he hurt me. He never called to talk about it. He came home friday night and didn't say a word about it, no I'm sorry, no nothing, he acted as if nothing ever happend. This has become the way he deals with things pertaining to us. 

Since starting this new job a few years ago and has become a completely different person. He doesn't communicate with me anymore, he's cold, distant, thoughtless, and disrespectful. He is so wrapped up in this job. He has completely neglected his marriage. I have questioned him on more than one occasion if he is cheating on me, the answer is always NO, but after lying to me so much how can I believe that is true anymore? I never dreamed this man would treat me this way, he used to be so caring, connected, he called me all the time, he was truly amazing. No it's like I don't exist. 

Prior to taking this job he was heartbroken and just sick if he hurt me and would do everything in his power to fix it ASAP. And now he just doesn't care at all. I know it's not the job's fault, I just find it crazy someone could change so much.

I am no angel at all, but for the most part I am good to this man, I feel like maybe I'm to good to this man. I have become cold since he started treating me this way since his job change. I'm just so sad to who he has become. I can't help but feel duped wondering if this was always how he was but was just able to hide it for the first 4 years.

I don't even recognize him anymore from how much he has changed "attitude wise". I can't talk to him because he does no wrong and he seems to just have washed his hands of the marriage. He acts like he is a cut above since changing jobs, he acts like he's better than me now and can act and do anything he chooses. He went from acting like he won the lottery and didn't deserve me, to basically not caring where I am, what I'm doing, how I feel, and like it wouldn't matter if I was here or left him. I catch rare glimpses of the man he used to be, but as the years pass he just acts worse.

I mentioned his job and attitude change because it adds too the pain I feel. I don't even know what to say to him anymore alot of the time but especially now after this. I've tried letting him know how I feel over the years but it falls on deaf ears. I feel like I can't talk to him anymore, he doesn't listen or hear a word I say. And I don't want to talk to him because he will just act like it's nothing or I'm the cause of all our issues.

And now since this happened he acts even more cold and standoffish to me. He avoids me. He hasn't told me "I Love You" since this happened on Friday. I don't understand he acts like it's my fault and I did this. Why punish me? I wasn't lying or hiding anything from him!

As I mentioned before catching him lying to me again makes me now question everything he says. Is he lying about more, is he hiding something worse?

I don't know what to do. I feel so sad and lost. Could you please offer some advice. Again so sorry this got long.

Thank you for reading!


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