# Is he cheating?



## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

My husband just moved back home from being away two years due to military. He would come home every weekend to see kids and I and then drive 3 hours away to work on weekdays. He is now living back home and is a totally completely different person. He said this is the new him and he said he’s been this way for the last few years during the week just I never noticed since I saw him weekends only. He’s super distant, quiet, doesn’t talk to me at all and gets irritated if kids and I talk to him, he has this sad look on his face like someone just died like he looks really hurt, get irritated if kids and I talk to him, barely touches me, kisses/hugs are very light and not passionate like on weekends, Doesn’t seem to care for sex and when I ask if he wants to he says maybe/depends if hes busy with hobbies/tired. He said weekdays he wants to be alone and stay focused because he gets overwhelmed easily and just wants to do his own thing when he gets home such as hobbies, talk to friends, gym etc. I am not use to this at all because for the past few years on weekends he’s all over the kids and I wanting to be with us, goofy, very sexual, laughing, having fun, full of energy but weekdays its extreme opposite. Is he just busy minded or cheating?


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

was cheating, now affair is over and he is depressed.


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## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

oldtruck said:


> was cheating, now affair is over and he is depressed.


But how come weekends he snaps Into mr positive loving life wanting sex?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

oldtruck said:


> was cheating, now affair is over and he is depressed.


Yeah, this is a really good guess. 

But, no matter what it is, you have to get him to talk about it. You cannot go on with this situation. Something is bothering him, and you have to find out why. 

Talking to his CO or the Chaplin might help you get some ideas.

He will not like it , but you need to think about your marriage, and your kids...


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Laevans7 said:


> But how come weekends he snaps Into mr positive loving life wanting sex?


She is saying that he is NOT interested in sex when he is home...


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## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

BluesPower said:


> Yeah, this is a really good guess.
> 
> But, no matter what it is, you have to get him to talk about it. You cannot go on with this situation. Something is bothering him, and you have to find out why.
> 
> ...


He says he thinks it’s just mix of things overall making him bothered like change in schedule, covid, finances etc. he said he’s just trying to adjust and transition into the new routine here since for two years he lived away. He keeps saying he doesn’t know when I ask him what’s wrong and say do he say fine just busy....but he clearly looks sad


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## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

BluesPower said:


> She is saying that he is NOT interested in sex when he is home...


He doesn’t care for sex on weekdays. When I ask he says he’s busy or might be busy or tired or he doesn’t know. Weekends he’s all energetic for it


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Laevans7 said:


> He doesn’t care for sex on weekdays. When I ask he says he’s busy or might be busy or tired or he doesn’t know. Weekends he’s all energetic for it


OK well that is good. 

Has he been in combat? Could he be dealing with PTSD????


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

perhaps in his mind based on past behavior he was yours on the weekend but during the week he either was focused on some something or someone else and now that he is home, he is lost m-f....let me ask you, is he secretive in his behavior while at home, phone, computer, texting?


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## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

He also has a history of sex addiction and has gone to rehab several years a ago so it’s super odd he doesn’t really have a sex drive during the week. I’ve never seen him this uninterested/depressed. He said he still wants me being affectionate just not so much talking. Wants me to mostly give him space so he can have alone time for giant hobbies/friends. Which can be from when he get started home until late night. He does randomly come out of his man cave and hug me or kiss me but that’s it. There’s no interaction or communication.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

can you tell me more about his life during the week when he was not there?

did he call you and the kids at night? when you were both on vacation during those weeks was he more sexual active? describe his sexual addictions? porn where did he sleep during the week


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## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

Lostinthought61 said:


> can you tell me more about his life during the week when he was not there?
> 
> did he call you and the kids at night? when you were both on vacation during those weeks was he more sexual active? describe his sexual addictions? porn where did he sleep during the week


He didn’t call us much since he was busy with work and hanging out with his roommates/doing school work etc. he slept in army barracks and his addiction was vorephilia


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Laevans7 said:


> He didn’t call us much since he was busy with work and hanging out with his roommates/doing school work etc. he slept in army barracks and his addiction was vorephilia


honestly i had no idea that was a thing....i actually had to look that up because i did not even know what that was...could i ask you how that was presented in him? and when you say he sought help has he still interested in that but kept in check? 

okay so i need to ask is he bicurious ?


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## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

Lostinthought61 said:


> honestly i had no idea that was a thing....i actually had to look that up because i did not even know what that was...could i ask you how that was presented in him? and when you say he sought help has he still interested in that but kept in check?
> 
> okay so i need to ask is he
> When he was young he drew a nude women and didn’t get aroused until he drew a rope around her neck. He is also into comics sci-fi fantasy stuff so he stumbled across vore which was like cartoon comic looking stuff of women being eaten by snakes/worms. They were always bound. Rehab helped him get away from the vorephilia and he realized all along he just liked the bondage part of it. He did have some deep anger issues towards women as his mother is a very stoic, non emotional, abusive person who never wanted kids and always pushed him away. The vore made him feel some sort of revenge but he’s over that and now we do bondage since he loves tie up. I don’t think he’s ever been into men 🤷🏼‍♀️


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## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

When he was young he drew a nude women and didn’t get aroused until he drew a rope around her neck. He is also into comics sci-fi fantasy stuff so he stumbled across vore which was like cartoon comic looking stuff of women being eaten by snakes/worms. They were always bound. Rehab helped him get away from the vorephilia and he realized all along he just liked the bondage part of it. He did have some deep anger issues towards women as his mother is a very stoic, non emotional, abusive person who never wanted kids and always pushed him away. The vore made him feel some sort of revenge but he’s over that and now we do bondage since he loves tie up. I don’t think he’s ever been into men 🤷🏼‍♀️


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Hmm, this is a hard one to unpack. I will list some possibilities.

1) he has depression, and it's triggered by his job. On weekends he is not working, and is away from his job, so he is in a better mood. 
2) he was getting some sort of fulfillment when he was away, whether satisfying an addiction, or being in the company of a certain person he no longer can see. Now that "thing" is gone, hence the sadness.
3) given his childhood and mother, he has some deep emotional issues that have manifested in this new behavior, and he needs a lot of help


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## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

Gabriel said:


> Hmm, this is a hard one to unpack. I will list some possibilities.
> 
> 1) he has depression, and it's triggered by his job. On weekends he is not working, and is away from his job, so he is in a better mood.
> 2) he was getting some sort of fulfillment when he was away, whether satisfying an addiction, or being in the company of a certain person he no longer can see. Now that "thing" is gone, hence the sadness.
> 3) given his childhood and mother, he has some deep emotional issues that have manifested in this new behavior, and he needs a lot of help


I agree to all three. He told me today he’s devastated that his job pulled the rug out from him and made him go somewhere else when he thought he was under contact and staying until September. He said he feels like they failed him despite his hard work. He also had a good group of buddies he met there which he misses but he said no bid deal since they can visit.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

is he still in the miltary and has be been reassigned to something else?


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## Laevans7 (May 3, 2020)

Lostinthought61 said:


> is he still in the miltary and has be been reassigned to something else?


Yes and unfortunately his addiction/rehab in the past ruined his chances of getting into special forces so he has depression from that as well. He’s not happy with his career


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

so is there another job waiting for him or does he have to submit for a job?


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