# My Husband is always sarcastic



## DeMe (Dec 9, 2009)

I hope someone can help me understand. My husband and I recently moved back to our hometown. He has 7 other children and we rarely hear from them. His family has begun to be dispatchers for the now adult childrens single moms. My husband recently got a new cellphone and each one of these women now has his number thanks to his family. The kids are all grown now, and none of them are calling just their single moms. Every since this has occurred my husband has no conversion for me. Whenever I am alone in the room with him, I feel tension. It's like I want to be intimate with him, but I can't because I don't feel sincerity from him. His attitude is like whatever. Now for the 10 years we have been together, I have always been the provider. The reason we moved back here is because of my layoff. I have always taken care of all the bills, expenses, trips etc. When we moved here I found him a job that gave us a condo with it at a discounted rate. Now he is working for the first time. Last year he asked me to get a truck and assured me he would have business that would take care of his truck payment. I put 2500 down and made a truck payment of 300 monthly and even gas and repairs. Well he made his first payment this month. I am happy that he has come to the point of taking care of us, the way that I have done for us. When I was working I would come home everyday to house full of guys that was just sitting around drinking and smoking. Then he would get upset because I was upset and leave. It was just hard to come home everyday and see the things I was working hard for being worn out by others. I never had the time to enjoy these things. I need some advise. What does his sacasm really mean?


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## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

I cannot give advice on your husband's behaviour. He is too different from me, I cannot form a picture of such a man in my mind.

What holds you to your husband? His life seems small. A man with a small life must usually offer a big heart to win the love of his wife.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

From the topic title I thought he was speaking to you in sarcastic tones - is that true? That only people who think sarcastic talk is funny are the people doing it. It sucks to be on the receiving end.

Are you acting resentful towards him? Try giving him unconditional support and no criticism for a while and see how he responds.


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## DeMe (Dec 9, 2009)

Yes I do act resentful. The words that come out of his mouth are hurtful. It seems that its even worse when others are around. e.g. My cousin was visiting along with a few others. She extended a invitation for dinner at her home. She talked about preparing enchiladas. Said she will roll 30-36 enchiladas, made from scratch. My husband responded, "I dont think you need to make so many, but DeMe might eat about 6". I was livid! first off- I am 5"4 about 140 pds. A deadringer for Angela Bassett. I am often stopped by strangers, and told of my resemblance to Angela B. But my husband gets a thrill out of insulting in front others. I have necer attended a family event where there is no joke about me. Honestly his actions remind me of a jealous woman. Its like he competing with me. I cannot remember the last time he has complimented me. On a daily basis I am insulted. Everything is always over exagerated. And when I am talking to him, he never acknowledges that I have spoken. Usually when I make small and waiting a response I don't get one. I end up just walking away as if though I never said anything. Because if I push for a answer, it will be a sacastic one. Like "so what?". But I see him everyday talking to other women with the utmost respect. Sometimes I think he wants me to feel down about myself as a way of controlling me. But why would anyone choose to love a person by demeaning tactics?


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## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

DeMe said:


> But why would anyone choose to love a person by demeaning tactics?


Are you kidding me? You don't know? There are dozens of reasons.

Top two would be:

1) Many women are irresistibly attracted to "jerks", and will very quickly get tired of a "nice guy".

2) Other women are irresistibly attracted to "spinning tops", who are jerks one day and wonderful the next. These women will quickly get tired of anyone who does not treat them just like a yo-yo.

There are other reasons. For many people, being "nasty" is a power tactic, just like being sensual, kind, generous, withdrawn, loving, cold, and on it goes.

The real question is, why are you married to someone who uses any kind of power tactic _after they know that it clearly hurts you?_

If you are as good looking as you say you are, you have other options. So what is your issue? Was your father this way with you, or with your mother? Are you trying the usual "re-play the past with a different outcome" pathology?

A lot of water could go under the bridge while you live out such a madness. It did for me. I lost years of my life, until I woke up to find that youth was just a memory.

Do not do the same. Real love exists. Is it work? Yes. Is it rare? No. Most people find it. Most people make it work. So can you.

Good luck.


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## DeMe (Dec 9, 2009)

AlexNY,
What you say makes alot of sense. But I think I have a fear of living without him. Sometimes I really want to be alone. So that I can spend the time I want with my friends & family. Right now it does not work that way. I have to give a reasonable notice. You're not allowed any spontaneous actions in this house. My husband often brags about him quick he can get another woman. How women today are nothing but ****s. He even do things around my few friends that I consider to be flirting. But when they are not around he calls them the "W". The friends I have are good friends. Who are not the sleep around, take men home, and change regularly. I fact eventhough a couple are not married they are still with the same man they were with at the time me and my husband got married over 10 years ago. Their reasons for not getting married is mutual. But I think I am just afraid of being without him. I know he loves, he just don't appreciate me. He will never say thank you to me. It usually comes about 2-3 weeks away when I over hear him tell his friend what I did and he appreciate it. But he rarely tells me directly. It's just a head gesture or its put to the side like "I'll check it out later". Anytime I ever given a greeting card, he never reads them in my presence or comment later about it. But when he gives me one, he demands I read it right then and there. Oh! and he likes to give them to me in the presence of others.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

He sounds very insecure in that he feels the need to put you down to make himself look like 'the man'....It's a shame as you seem to be a great person and not deserving of his hurtful words.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

I still think you should try a few days of absolute non-response to his hurtful comments. One reason he might be doing it is because he knows he'll get a reaction. Try not reacting and see if it makes a difference.

(FYI - I think his attitude is uncalled for. But you can't control him, only yourself. My suggestion is not an indication that you are doing anything WRONG, just a way to test his reactions.)


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