# Dealing with my boyfriend being a crossdresser or maybe more?



## nodaybuttoday

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and moved in together a few months ago. I love him more than anything and we usually have good and open communication...

Going into the relationship I knew he liked to wear spandex suits. He has taken pictures of himself in them and likes to wear them privately. Although I didn't understand it, I accepted it.

I also knew that he liked to "cosplay" as anime characters, both privately and at anime conventions, sometimes as female characters. I was okay with that too, though admittedly embarrassed to be in public with him when he dressed this way. 

My boyfriend has admitted he considers himself "bi-curious" but prefers women and has no interest to be with men. I have brought up the subject before on if he thinks he'd be missing something by never being with a man if we were to marry, and he told me he was perfectly fine never being with a man. 

When we first moved in together, I discovered that he owned sex toys for anal pleasure. (I apologize if this is too graphic, but it helps to understand my situation) He has since we've been together bought 2 more. I am totally against having anal sex and he knows that. 

A few months ago I found an app on iPhone for gay and bi-sexual men to find dates. He posted a profile and picture there. I confronted him about it and he was mostly silent before apologizing and coming the closest I've ever seen him to crying. He said he was just doing it for the attention and never had any intention on meeting anyone. He immediately deleted the app from his phone.

Most recently I have discovered that he has been purchasing women's panties. He also has been searching for womens clothing... mostly dresses and lingerie. 

He has never communicated his want to dress as a woman to me, I think partially due to the fact he knows I probably wouldn't like it. 

Well, I am sorry, I don't. I love him dearly, I just don't know how to get past this... especially since it feels like he is hiding it from me. Ok, maybe I wouldn't like what he's doing, but keeping it secret doesn't help things. I am not sure how to move on from here, I know I should probably talk to him about it, but I am just not sure of what to say... "Hey I know you want to dress like a woman, what's up with that"?


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## NothingMan

Well...why dont you dress like a man. Help him dress like a woman and go out someplace public and role-play? Perhaps, since he like's anal toys..maybe you could wear a strap-on in your male costume? Did I just cross a line? I mean, sure, you can sit back and say...ok...ya sicko..crossdresser..OR you can help him..and embrace his weirdness. You never know..you might have fun.




John


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## amberlynn

It sounds to me he confused about who he is, i dont think i could handle seein my husband dressed as a woman, altho im into both male and females, i want a manly man, not a girly man.. but as mentioned above, maybe you should role play with him, and make him feel more comfy about talking to you about things like this. best of luck!


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## dobo

Crying means nothing. So don't look at that as an indication of anything.

However, he's got some sexual confusion or at least some curiousity. 

You're against anal. That's not going to work for a guy like him. Further, he'd probably like it done to him.

My first suggestion is to ask yourself why you are against it. If you don't want to have it done to you, could you consider it for him?

I'd be worried that he really wants to be with a man. I've no problem with probing a man in that direction, but I don't want to find out he is really gay but has been hiding it. So, you'll have to ask him to be honest with you. If he's really gay, he has no right to lie to you. It isn't fair, kind or loving. 

If he just wants a backdoor experience now and then, perhaps you can work that out. 

I don't know your limits. Good luck.


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## Atholk

Well the anal toys is just fine. Prostate action can give men thundering orgasms unlike any other. No worries about that at all. It's not about you having to bite the pillows 

However...

He's kinky seven ways since Sunday and I guess this is the honeymoon period so things are only going to get more dramatic in the future. If this is a Dateline episode this is where they cut to commerical with a spooky voiceover about how things were about to get suddenly worse.

Get an STD test and your underwear back.


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## martino

Noday,

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Accept the fruit loop for who he is and see if you can live with and/or join in, 
or meet some one else.


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## preso

NothingMan said:


> Well...why dont you dress like a man.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> John



Thats a good suggestion.
:iagree:
I swear John, you think just like I do ! hahaha


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## Candida

Dear friend,
Im going to give you a honest opinion from a woman that was in the dark for 6 years. I love my partner deerly. My advised to you is "run away" you have time. I have been in this situation now for 2 years. If he likes dildos, he likes to be Fu$%^%^ by a dic%^^ Don't fall into his lies.... I heard it all. He is lying that he never had a guy! My lied too much about it until I found he put ads in craigs list men2men asking for big dic&** 

He cied, begged swear from his son's life.. The are compulsary liers. He likes what he likes and that is to suck and be F67 by a dic&** Sorry to be so crude. I was you the different was I embraced the crossdressing I honestly love it, but when he saw I was fine with that, it was increasing his/hers needs. He even asked me that he wanted to have real boobs, hips etc but he said he love his ****.... Ask your boyfriend if he likes TG's they are women with ****s...They look like real women. My confessed he is turn on by them.
I can't cope with his desires of a **** intead of *****. (sorry again) I still love him but this is destrying me. I can't break up with him/her. But I need to do it, the end of a relationship like yours and mine is...they will leave us for a guy.

I have few crossdressers friends, as I said if they don't play with toys you have 50% chance of good realionship.

go to Crossdressers.com . 


He will lied, because he doesn't want to lose you, but the problem is he is selfish not thinking about you. Think...there will be a time that the toy is not enough and the real thing desire will come stronger, one of their fantasies is to have the sperm in their faces.... Think. Could you cope with that?? that he is kissing, ****, ass and all the rest and then coming to you? They get very promiscuoss, thay like to be F^%% and believe me condoms break...diseass? I am terrify. I have done many test specially HIV.
Sorry to break your heart, I need to get out of these relationship, you have time.

All my heart to you. Feel free to ask me anything. I know a lot of that. Don't get me wrong I have no problem with any inclination, my problem is the lies, and we are wasting our time when at the end they will leave us. This can not be change. There is not cure because is not a deases. Is in their genes, 

Love to you
Candida.


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## Candida

NothingMan said:


> Well...why dont you dress like a man. Help him dress like a woman and go out someplace public and role-play? Perhaps, since he like's anal toys..maybe you could wear a strap-on in your male costume? Did I just cross a line? I mean, sure, you can sit back and say...ok...ya sicko..crossdresser..OR you can help him..and embrace his weirdness. You never know..you might have fun.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> John


That is a good advised if you can handle it or like it. I did that it was fun, but it fired back to me. There is a time that the plastick is not enough, they want the sperm, we even tried with yogurt and many things...didn't work. and the warm of the dildo is like a dead body and taste horrible. I did all, because I love him and because it was fun, never new it will make him/her more towards wanting to be a full woman. He said, promise and all the rest he doesn't have gender disphoria... so what it is then to want to have real boobs?


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## Candida

nodaybuttoday said:


> My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and moved in together a few months ago. I love him more than anything and we usually have good and open communication...
> 
> Going into the relationship I knew he liked to wear spandex suits. He has taken pictures of himself in them and likes to wear them privately. Although I didn't understand it, I accepted it.
> 
> I also knew that he liked to "cosplay" as anime characters, both privately and at anime conventions, sometimes as female characters. I was okay with that too, though admittedly embarrassed to be in public with him when he dressed this way.
> 
> My boyfriend has admitted he considers himself "bi-curious" but prefers women and has no interest to be with men. I have brought up the subject before on if he thinks he'd be missing something by never being with a man if we were to marry, and he told me he was perfectly fine never being with a man.
> 
> When we first moved in together, I discovered that he owned sex toys for anal pleasure. (I apologize if this is too graphic, but it helps to understand my situation) He has since we've been together bought 2 more. I am totally against having anal sex and he knows that.
> 
> A few months ago I found an app on iPhone for gay and bi-sexual men to find dates. He posted a profile and picture there. I confronted him about it and he was mostly silent before apologizing and coming the closest I've ever seen him to crying. He said he was just doing it for the attention and never had any intention on meeting anyone. He immediately deleted the app from his phone.
> 
> Most recently I have discovered that he has been purchasing women's panties. He also has been searching for womens clothing... mostly dresses and lingerie.
> 
> He has never communicated his want to dress as a woman to me, I think partially due to the fact he knows I probably wouldn't like it.
> 
> Well, I am sorry, I don't. I love him dearly, I just don't know how to get past this... especially since it feels like he is hiding it from me. Ok, maybe I wouldn't like what he's doing, but keeping it secret doesn't help things. I am not sure how to move on from here, I know I should probably talk to him about it, but I am just not sure of what to say... "Hey I know you want to dress like a woman, what's up with that"?




Dear friend,
Im going to give you a honest opinion from a woman that was in the dark for 6 years. I love my partner deerly. My advised to you is "run away" you have time. I have been in this situation now for 2 years. If he likes dildos, he likes to be Fu$%^%^ by a dic%^^ Don't fall into his lies.... I heard it all. He is lying that he never had a guy! My lied too much about it until I found he put ads in craigs list men2men asking for big dic&** Go and check if he has a post in there. If he comes home at the same time is not a sign of not doing anything between hours... lunch time etc.

He cried, begged swear from his son's life.. The are compulsary liers. He likes what he likes and that is to suck and be F67 by a dic&** Sorry to be so crude. I was you the different was I embraced the crossdressing I honestly love it, We went out to bares etc even straight bars we went everywhere I was his support, but when he saw me that I was fine with that, his desires of dressing more and more and it was increasing his/hers needs. He even asked me that he wanted to have real boobs, hips etc but he said he love his D****.... and he will never remove it. Ask your boyfriend if he likes TG's they are women with D****s...They look like real women. My partner confessed me he is turn on by them.
I can't cope with his desires of a D**** intead of Miau*****. (sorry again) I still love him but this is destroying me. I can't break up with him/her. But I need to do it, the end of a relationship like yours and mine is...they will leave us for a guy.

I have few crossdressers friends, as I said if they don't play with toys you have 50% chance of good realionship.

go to Crossdressers.com . 


He will lied, because he doesn't want to lose you, but the problem is he is selfish not thinking about you. Think...there will be a time that the toy is not going to be enough and the real desire for a real thing will come stronger, one of their fantasies is to have the sperm in their faces.... Think. Could you cope with that?? that he is kissing, D****, ass and all the rest and then coming to you? They get very promiscuoss, thay like to be F^%% and believe me condoms break...diseass? I am terrify. I have done many test specially HIV. One thing is they love the attention of a man, because that will make them feel like a woman. Does he have a facebook? go to mine maybe you can see him in there go to alexander_so_cruz I have planty of crossdressers friends from all over the world. Check if he is my list.
Sorry to break your heart, I need to get out of these relationship, you have time.

All my heart to you. Feel free to ask me anything. I know a lot of that. Don't get me wrong I have no problem with any inclination, my problem is the lies, and we are wasting our time when at the end they will leave us. This can not be change. There is not cure because is not a deases. Is in their genes, 

Love to you
Candida.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

nodaybuttoday:

You KNOW what your boyfriend is like. And you have caught him looking for gay hook-ups on iPhone. 

You don't mind the cross-dressing, although you don't want to be seen with him in public. So it obviously DOES bother you and you don't want to admit it. Are you afraid of being viewed as narrow-miinded/unenlightened/bigotted? YOU are ENTITLED to feel how you feel. Like it/don't like it, as long as you're not 'judging' him to be a bad person, then you're openminded.

You don't like the anal toys. They are, however, IMPORTANT to him... or he wouldn't have bought additional ones.

You caught him trying to hook-up with other gay/bi men. You are definitely NOT okay with that. How do you know he hasn't already hooked up with someone in the past...or that he will in the future on the down-low? How can you protect yourself sexually if he is going to have indiscriminate sexual contact with total strangers (as evidenced by his iPhone app?)

The MORE you learn about him, the more things there are that you are totally uncomfortable with and unwilling to accept in this relationship. ONLY YOU know what you can/can't tolerate; what you will/won't accept.

Just because you LOVE this man does NOT mean he is the RIGHT MAN for YOU. I think you need to move on to someone who has a lifestyle more in common with yours. Your BF may be a great guy, but I don't see you overcoming all these differences. And it would be unfair to him, as well, because he would have to hide the REAL HIM from you. Not any kind of good basis for a marriage.

You don't have to hate him, but I think you BOTH need to accept that THIS is not the relationship for either of you. I think you two are just comfortable together...or compatible EXCEPT for the sex (and THAT will eventually tear your marriage apart.)


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## Sanity

Old thread. Let it die.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 40isthenew20

Switch hitter


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