# My selfish husband - I am so depressed.



## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

Hello lovely ladies( and gentlemen),

I have come to this board previously too and had got great advice, which I followed, and got my marital issues solved. Now there is a situation again. Not really, a hard one but my husband makes it seem to hard and difficult that this journey called marriage seems to be a burden for me.

I am currently pursuing my master's degree here in the United States and my husband, who works full-time, applied to a master's program in an Asian country(because this program suits his interests). Now, he got accepted into this program and is in a big dilemma on whether to take it up or leave it. I personally, feel there is no dilemma here; he ought to wait till I complete my program. I have given up things like this two times for him. Once he relocated from a different country to California and we were newly wed , so I moved with him. I had to quit my job. Again, he moved from CA to NY and I was about to land a job and then I could not join. Then, he said " don't look for jobs and instead do a MA or MS and find a job after that". So I said fine and I started studying for GRE etc and got myself admitted into my state university. This is my first semester. Now, again, he wants to move to a different country. So what am I to do? He does not seem to think of that. I feel so sad. I am not against his master's, my only question is why not do it here in the US or wait until I finish which is another 1.5 years and then we can both move. My program is not too expensive but his program costs $50000, we don't have the money now, he wants to take a loan and go ahead. Fine, a loan is ok with me but why now? Can he not wait for a year or two. He says I cannot continue because we don't have the money. So only one of us can study.
I don't know what he thinks of himself. How can he expect me to follow him ? Don't I have the right to do what I want.I am ready to see a counsellor, he is not. 

P.S.: I have told him all these things that I have written out here. He seems to not care. Divorce is not an option as of now. I still have feelings for him. I still long to see him at the end of the day , I still want to cook for him and set up dinner daily, I still want to sleep next to him every night. the list goes on.


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## luvmydarling (Jul 1, 2010)

I'm so mad at my husband. He keeps talking about moving while I'm clearly not ready


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Yes he's being completely selfish. How much does he love and care for you, when he can completely dis regard you like this?

I would refuse to move.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

A loan should NOT be fine with you. Since you are married, you are required to sign the loan documents and you both will be held responsible for repayment of that loan. His attitude about your education and his lack of caring about your wishes speaks volumes. Do not under any circumstances sign anything!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

LUV,

Your husband is not settled. He is always thinking about doing this or that. That shows he is immature and his lack of responsibility as a husband. 

He is going to lose you if he doesn't stop what he is doing now! 

I know you are a traditional submissive woman, but sometimes those men take us for granted, which they shouldn't! At a situation like this, we have to stand up for ourselves, we have to be strong, we have to do what is good for us. Always moving is not good! 

My ex lost me because he always thought about his career instead of his family! He thought a good career would bring him happiness and good feeling. He was wrong. He was devastated when he knew he was losing me! Now he is settled, he doesn't chase after career anymore. 

We live a life, we need jobs to make a living, but we don't need to constantly pursue higher education. There is no end!


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I agree. So its settled. You dont have to move to Asia.


But in all seriousness it isnt fair to force you to quit your asperations for his.

My biggest concern with your post is that you told him all this, he doesnt care, and you still are soooo madly in love with him. You need to wake up and do whats right for you. 

If you cannot find happiness in yourself, you will *not* find it in marriage.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I agree with you in principal.


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