# Couldnt get it up......



## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

So after about 1 month of not trying to pickup any women I decided to give in and ask a woman out to dinner from work. She has come onto me before but I told her my situation and she understood. We went out to a very nice dinner, went for a walk, and got a couple hot chocolates and had a really good time. As I walked her back to her place, she invited me in and I knew what was going to happen. I thought to myself screw it and went up to her place with her. One thing led to another but I could not get aroused. Now she is in phenomenal shape, 5' 6" and about 120lbs. An absolutely killer body and great personality. I was and still am so embarrassed that I don't think I'll ever be able to try this again. I really wanted to be intimate with her but even when she was touching me there was nothing happening down there. I think what I went through with my Ex broke me for good.....

Thoughts?


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Stage fright. 

Don't expect it to wok automatically like you where 18. You probably are going to need to get comfortable with a woman first. 

This is a bit of a catch 22 because women will take it personally. You just need to explain that you where just in a failed relationship and you have some PTSD issues and need to go slow.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

viagra. until you get your confidence back.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Well, I would contact her and while I wouldn't give her all the details of your past maybe explaining that it has been awhile and you were overcome anxiety, make sure she knows it was nothing to do with her.
Be honest, if you find her very desirable then tell her so and see if you can go out again, give it a few dates then try again when it feels right.
Not sure what relationship troubles you came out of, but if she knows some of it I would hope she understands.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Good idea.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> viagra. until you get your confidence back.


Try Cialis first. It works faster and longer.

Take on an empty stomach, fatty foods kill effectiveness.


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## 312cpl (Jan 27, 2014)

Stretch said:


> Try Cialis first. It works faster and longer.
> 
> Take on an empty stomach, fatty foods kill effectiveness.


That's good to know. I don't normally have any issues. About once or twice in six months I run into a problem. Sometimes, twice in a row. And, yes, it can kill your confidence. The doc gave me a free sample of viaga. I tried it, it worked, but you're right it took a while. maybe I will try the Cialis. 

I would tell her that the ED is new to you. Ask her to try the Cialis with you. Like a science project together. If it works as good as it should, she will reap the rewards with you!


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

She was really understanding when I explained it to her and seemed to feel really bad for me. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life....

This just bites because I'm only 28 and having this issue!!


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

After hurting my back I went onto an exercise program where I do simple core strengthening exercises for around 20minutes a day and swim laps twice a week. 

The side effect of these exercises is that I get fully hard every time. 

Maybe getting into better shape could help?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

soulseer said:


> After hurting my back I went onto an exercise program where I do simple core strengthening exercises for around 20minutes a day and swim laps twice a week.
> 
> The side effect of these exercises is that I get fully hard every time.
> 
> ...


I actually workout 5 times per week Monday thru Friday. I'm 5' 10" and 173lbs and wear a size 34. I'm in pretty good shape.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

That's great! 

Go to your GP for a check up to see if there is something physical you need to follow up on.

While you there ask for a prescription of ED meds. Try a half dose at the appropriate time and see if it helps. Or alternately try Ashwanganda or other herbal helper for males.

The mind is strangely linked to your ability to achieve and maintain an erection. I doubt any man has not had a bad period where sex became difficult. I definitely have had one or two disappointing experiences , fortunately these issues passed without having to take prescription meds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

helpthisguy86 said:


> So after about 1 month of not trying to pickup any women I decided to give in and ask a woman out to dinner from work. She has come onto me before but I told her my situation and she understood. We went out to a very nice dinner, went for a walk, and got a couple hot chocolates and had a really good time. As I walked her back to her place, she invited me in and I knew what was going to happen. I thought to myself screw it and went up to her place with her. One thing led to another but I could not get aroused. Now she is in phenomenal shape, 5' 6" and about 120lbs. An absolutely killer body and great personality. I was and still am so embarrassed that I don't think I'll ever be able to try this again. I really wanted to be intimate with her but even when she was touching me there was nothing happening down there. I think what I went through with my Ex broke me for good.....
> 
> Thoughts?


I've been through this phase and worked out of it.

In guy speak. You'll be better off finding someone you feel safe with that you can "pound" when you want to, versus someone you are trying to impress and make your life partner.

When you want to impress them, you worry about the erection and hope there is not going to be an issue.

I'd find someone that I want to pound and there is no pressure to be with them in a serious sense. You get horney, c0ck gets hard and you get sex about when you want.

You might have to be like this with the babes you want to make your life partner too. 

That's how it worked on me. Feminizing the male sexual response and cutting out his initiation of the sex act literally cuts his balls off.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> Stage fright.
> 
> Don't expect it to wok automatically like you where 18. You probably are going to need to get comfortable with a woman first.
> 
> This is a bit of a catch 22 because women will take it personally. You just need to explain that you where just in a failed relationship and you have some PTSD issues and need to go slow.


I wouldn't say a thing about the failed relationship. Women red flag this and it sits in the front of their mind. She will project into you what you are trying to get away from.

Create a new reality with whatever new babe your with, also if you are worried about getting hard, maybe have oral first...

Don't say a word about potential erection issues, bad feelings from past, etc. Just have fun with her, and hopefully she admires you so much, that your **** stands proud and strong.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

helpthisguy86 said:


> She was really understanding when I explained it to her and seemed to feel really bad for me. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life....
> 
> This just bites because I'm only 28 and having this issue!!


That's good news, I am not sure I would worry about taking anything or even telling her you are taking anything if you do decide you need to, might give her the impression the only way you can perform with her is with medication.

Chalk it up to the first time in the game after a long winter and you were rusty, at your age I would think a few dates the comfort level goes up and nature will take it's course.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

helpthisguy86 said:


> She was really understanding when I explained it to her and seemed to feel really bad for me. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life....
> 
> This just bites because I'm only 28 and having this issue!!


Don't worry -it is most likely just a temporary thing. But I know what you mean.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

love=pain said:


> That's good news, I am not sure I would worry about taking anything or even telling her you are taking anything if you do decide you need to, might give her the impression the only way you can perform with her is with medication.
> 
> Chalk it up to the first time in the game after a long winter and you were rusty, at your age I would think a few dates the comfort level goes up and nature will take it's course.


It's just like the sniper's first shot is not his best shot, it takes two or three shots for him to get "hot", then he's most accurate.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Seems that you rushed things, and you need some kind of emotional connection to be comfortable enough to perform. I have a "friend" who has this same issue. So next time, wait.


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## 312cpl (Jan 27, 2014)

treyvion said:


> It's just like the sniper's first shot is not his best shot, it takes two or three shots for him to get "hot", then he's most accurate.


That's the way I am. The more sex I get, the better the erections I achieve. I'm 54, I can go once a day and never have an erection problem. And, I have better control over my orgasm. If I don't have PIV sex for a week. My c*ck takes a while to get really hard. Then takes forever to finish! Is that weird? You would think I would c*m really quick? :scratchhead:


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Its most likely nerves. I went through that after my first marriage. It turned out I simply wasn't psychologically ready yet. See a doctor, they may give you something to relax you then you should be good to go.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

helpthisguy86 said:


> So after about 1 month of not trying to pickup any women I decided to give in and ask a woman out to dinner from work. She has come onto me before but I told her my situation and she understood. We went out to a very nice dinner, went for a walk, and got a couple hot chocolates and had a really good time. As I walked her back to her place, she invited me in and I knew what was going to happen. I thought to myself screw it and went up to her place with her. One thing led to another but I could not get aroused. Now she is in phenomenal shape, 5' 6" and about 120lbs. An absolutely killer body and great personality. I was and still am so embarrassed that I don't think I'll ever be able to try this again. I really wanted to be intimate with her but even when she was touching me there was nothing happening down there. I think what I went through with my Ex broke me for good.....
> 
> 
> *Kinda went through same thing when my x left me for another guy. My confidence was shot to pieces. First time I tried with a new woman I had trouble and was embarrassed. Only time in my life that has ever happened. Chances are you are stressed/nervous/anxious. My suggestion would be relax. Take your time and take control. Tell her what you like and how you like it. It's not a sprint to get it done as fast as possible. Let go of the pressure. Good news is once you get first couple out of the way it will all come back. Did for me anyway and hope if will for you*
> ...


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## kalimata (Jan 29, 2014)

How often do you masturbate? If more than 2x/week then stop it for a week before your next 'date' with chicky.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

helpthisguy86 said:


> So after about 1 month of not trying to pickup any women I decided to give in and ask a woman out to dinner from work. She has come onto me before but I told her my situation and she understood. We went out to a very nice dinner, went for a walk, and got a couple hot chocolates and had a really good time. As I walked her back to her place, she invited me in and I knew what was going to happen. I thought to myself screw it and went up to her place with her. One thing led to another but I could not get aroused. Now she is in phenomenal shape, 5' 6" and about 120lbs. An absolutely killer body and great personality. I was and still am so embarrassed that I don't think I'll ever be able to try this again. I really wanted to be intimate with her but even when she was touching me there was nothing happening down there. I think what I went through with my Ex broke me for good.....
> 
> Thoughts?


Are you on any medications whatsoever? There are lots of common medications that have this side effect. (Like Nexium, for example) The pharmaceutical companies don't talk about it much because they know men would quit buying them if they knew.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

It's called "Performance Anxiety".


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

I'm not on any meds but will admit that I think I'm desensitized since I masturbate 1-2 times per day...... I was doing that to keep the feelings of wanting another woman away so I could focus on other things.


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

Truth is emotions play a part even with men. Your out of a relationship and you gave some issues you need to get settled before moving on. I bet it happens a lot more than us men ever want to admit.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

helpthisguy86 said:


> I'm not on any meds but will admit that I think I'm desensitized since I masturbate 1-2 times per day...... I was doing that to keep the feelings of wanting another woman away so I could focus on other things.


Stop masterbating cold.

Get another woman, not a wife or a serious girlfriend but someone you can sleep with. Don't put pressure on yourself, she doesn't have to be wife material.

It will help you so much.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

treyvion said:


> Stop masterbating cold.


^ This


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

How many men go through periods of 'darn thing doesn't want to work', only to go through another period (weeks) where it works with no problem?

Maybe due to fluctuating testosterone levels?

Only reason I bring it up is that maybe OP is experiencing a down time, nothing to do with performance anxiety.

need to be ruled out.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

jorgegene said:


> How many men go through periods of 'darn thing doesn't want to work', only to go through another period (weeks) where it works with no problem?
> 
> Maybe due to fluctuating testosterone levels?
> 
> ...


My husband is one of those people. He has been tested and is totally fine. For him,it's mental. 

It happened a lot at the beginning when he was coming off a major dry spell filled w/lots of masturbation. 

Personally,OP,your issue sounds like what my husband went through early in our relationship. It does get better once you get more comfortable with the woman but it might still happen every now and then if your erections are typically controlled by your mind


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

Thanks everyone, so why stop masturbating cold?

Especially if I'm not planning on getting laid anytime soon. Also, I don't think there are many women out there that just want to hook up and get laid without a relationship, at least not in Chicago.....


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Not sure I understand but I suppose if you are not interested in another relationship there is no reason to not masturbate. 

The theory is that masturbating to porn trains you to respond to porn whereas having sex with another person trains you to respond to them. 

Of course if you are not having sex with another person or masturbating than you are training yourself to not want sex period. 

This is a no win situation -damned if you do, damned if you don't. 

You are going to need to find a woman that you can talk to and she understands that you are going to need some time to recover. Once you find her you will probably want to stop using porn if she is any good or unless you have developed an addiction.

A month or two with a good woman and I bet you will be back to normal.


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

usmarriedguy said:


> Not sure I understand but I suppose if you are not interested in another relationship there is no reason to not masturbate.
> 
> The theory is that masturbating to porn trains you to respond to porn whereas having sex with another person trains you to respond to them.
> 
> ...


That makes perfect sense. The only reason that I do masturbate at least once per day, sometimes (usually twice) is to keep the desires of wanting another woman away. I know I sound crazy but my IC even said that unless I'm willing to change there is nothing she can do to help me. I just don't want to put myself in a position that will end negatively again. I mean isn't it over 50% of marriages end in divorce? Well I was part of that, and I just don't see the point in spending the time, money, and energy of building another relationship when I can get rid of these cravings with a flick of the wrist so to speak.

I'm still waiting and wanting to hear from someone why this is a bad idea too.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I don't know if anyone could. 
It depends so much on the individual. A lot of people spend a significant portion of their life outside of a sexual relationship.

Since you are just out of one that did not work out maybe you need some time on your own. Maybe in a few years you will change your mind. You do not seem to be the type that is big on one night stands though and that will probably remain a problem. I don't know but I suspect it is fairly hard to find a friends with benefits arrangement. (to bad)


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