# odd question...seemd good then, now, not so much



## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

so i have an odd question that i need a females point of view.

ill make it as simple as i can.

have you , as women, ever had a lover that, at the time (in the past) had what you may consider to be amazing sex,
but then realize that as time has passed that it really wasnt that great?

that is to say, your feelings about the guy mayve changed (hes a jerk or something) or maybe it was just a "of the moment kinda thing"


i wonder this, because, well my wife had an affair, we maybe on the verge of now reconciling, 
but i had read some of her texts during and she just said it was amazing, but now says it was because of the circustances (forbidden) that mayve hightened the sex, as well she pretty much seemingly hates the guy and now only says it wasnt all that, and infact hurt sometimes (hes rather long) and he was actually kinda selfish in bed in retrospect.


do these things play into how yo view your ex lovers and or encounters?

thank you for you answers.


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## tiredandout (Jun 1, 2011)

Yes. 
At least for me, good sex is much more than just how the other person strokes me or if they like my favorite position. I am very Emotional and Sensitive sexually. That is to say, when I feel emotionally connected, safe to show vulnerability, appreciated by the other person, free of pressure and playful — I will be better in bed, and I will also feel more connected to my partner — and this connection tends to result in better sex all around. Feeling angry at my partner, insecure, humiliated or fed up with them emotionally/in general results in worse sex, probably both of us thinking that the other person "got worse in bed" (well, at least I will think that) — even though the disconnect has happened somewhere outside the bedroom alltogether.

That said, I don't think my ex bf sucked in bed just because towards the end it wasn't good or the relationship in general sucked. I recognize that both of us were good in bed, when we were emotionally invested in each other, and this comes to play also now in my marriage. At the moment I'm going through a tough time w/ DH, and the fighting and disconnect has resulted in me feeling sexually disconnected and displeased as well. It's not that me or him suddenly started to suck in bed. We just started to treat each other poorly, which makes its way to the bedroom as well. In my mind there is a simple fix: start treating each other well again — both in and out of the bedroom. 

Not going into what you should do with the information, I do believe that your what your wife is telling you about the sex is probably the truth and even natural in some way. Now if you really want to reconcile, I would make sure that you will reconnect with each other both in and out of the bedroom: emotionally, intellectually, physically.


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