# Recently back together after 4 month split but unhappy again



## Beverleymorgan (Apr 20, 2013)

We have had a hard five years:

I have had to work away from home and came home at week ends and have a business in home town which staff work but I do everything else for

My son went to live with his father for a year and it was the most painful experience of my life, wanted to die and withdrew
Partner 'lost compassion' for how I felt after 3 months and ignored my pain

Partner is terrible with money, taking responsibilities off my shoulders, helping with business

I am the sort of person who if you ask how I am tells you, if you ask how my day was I tell you but if I am stressed, moan etc then he walks away and retreats.... 

He finally left last sept 2012 and started seeing a woman but still contacted me to come back.

Christmas he asked me for money £25k even tho house, business is mine and pay everything and I am struggling and working 7 days

Met with him 14 jan and 'melted' - talked about what would change and he said all the right things

The woman was 'lonely too' after her split from her husband and were just trying ' to do what they needed to survive the splits'

15 jan told me that he was not going to see her anymore even if we did not get back together.

We decided to try again and he stayed for a week then got really 'down' so I told him to go for the weekend and think about what he wants

Returned Sunday without contacting me the whole weekend - I was in bits but did not contact him telling me that I was all he wanted and ever wanted

He was back in debt so I have not asked him to contribute since he came back asking him to so his finances or I would take his wages as I can't keep him forever financially 

Three months back together now 
This week I have been very stressed and not 'intimate' and twice this week he has told Me twice ' I'm not happy' 
Firstly he did not. 'Want the add-ons' my children who both had upset me Tuesday (15 boy and 23 girl)
On Wednesday I sent him the song 'give me a reason' he replied with porn
Second time: disappeared upstairs while I watched a film, with out a word: when I went to see him he was withdrawn and passive aggressive then got up, went on face book and wrote on my wall ' what's the point' 

Today I am in pieces: I am thinking terrible things about him like he only came back because he was out if money etc, that he is missing or seeing this woman. 
I said to him ' I bet you made an effort with these other women/ woman, did not send her porn etc' he agreed he needed to ' be better' and went off to work.

I have checked emails today all deleted. Checked phone last night all messages deleted.

I'm starting to feel insecure, jealous and distrusting all new feelings to me as we have always known how much he wanted me even if he did not always behave supportive towards me.
So men out there: how do I move forward, what is really going on and what can I say to him to get him to understand how bad I'm feeling. Whatever he did when we were apart was none of my business and he wasn't unfaithful we were not together.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

It sounds like nothing was accomplished during the separation, no guidelines on how to live when you got back together, no outside help, etc... So all the problems that were there before he left are still there.

And it may be that when his girlfriend lft and he needed money, you were Plan B.

Get into marriage counseling. If he does not want to go, go alone and let him know you are so he knows you are serious about fixing this ("fixing" can mean strengthening the marriage or leaving the marriage.)


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## AFwifey (Apr 26, 2013)

I definitely agree with MC. You may have to go alone at first you may not. He may agree to go but may not want to set up the appointment so take matters into your own hands and set it up. If your marriage is worth saving to you then YOU need to do all you can before you say enough is enough.


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