# How to accomplish the 180 while living together?



## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

I need advice as to how to do the 180 while living with my H. I consider us seperated and have asked him multiple times to move out (he cheated) and he won't. He actually did for a short time but then my dad passed away so he moved back in to help me out and then my mom passed away. I told him I need him to go now because he shows no remorse, no regret and not only can I not move on but I can't mourn for my parents with him here. I can not seem to do the 180 with him here and it's soooo frustrating!!!! My emotions end up all over the place. Any advice?
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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

OMG...the 180 while living together is so fricken hard. I was living with STBXH for a month waiting for my rental to be ready.

The things I did were not come home right after work or if I did I would leave and hang out with my sister or other friends. I would get up and get ready for work and try to leave before he did or at least stay in a different part of the house while he was getting ready. We had a bungalow style home so I was able to hide out in the bedroom upstairs while he was downstairs watching tv. He did still try to engage and yes, I couldn't keep 180/NC all the time but being unavailable was the easiest way to do it. 

When I was away from him, even at the house when he was not home my emotions were ok. But man, having to deal with him just sent everything all over the place like you describe. I can't even imagine needing time to grieve for your parents AND then having to deal with a WH....I'm sorry you have to go through that.

I guess my advice, make yourself scarce when you can when you know he is going to be home. Have you filed for D yet? Maybe that would lite the fire under his butt to move out.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Living with an ex/together while separated can be a nightmare under the "best" of circumstances. I am so sorry you're going through this and for your loss. What a horrible situation. Are there any friends you can move in with at this time or a sibling? I realize there may not be but under that much stress, if he won't move, getting out might be the best option even if temporarily (don't do anything that jeaopardizes your rights to property or custody though).

If there really is no other option, then you're going to have to just pretend he's not there except when it comes to logistics and dealing with the kids.


Sleep in separate rooms;
Don't cater to him whatsoever (no laundry, dinners, making him coffee etc.;
Maintain your own schedule, priorities, social events, appointments;
Consider going to counseling if you aren't already because the betrayal on top of the loss of both of your parents is more than your fair share of stress and grief to go through;
Take time to cry - both for your parents and any emotions you're experiencing as a result of the affair and separation;
Try to eat right, get enough sleep, and take care of your physical well-being, and exercise if you can;
Spend time outside of the home and away from your WS as much as possible;
Keep any conversations with your WS to a bare minimum and only about pertinent topics such as the kids, chores, finances etc. - don't ask him personal information and don't give it either;
Invest time with your kids - take them to the park, visit friends with them (I hope you have a close friend you can lean on right now);
Try to adopt an opposite schedule to that of your husband. If he's at work, you be home, if he's at home - get out of the house;

Just a few ideas. Hang in there ((hugs)). I don't envy your position and can't believe how self-centered your WS is being by refusing you the healing space you need to grieve and process his cheating... not good on his part whatsoever.


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## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

He works night shift so the only time sleeping is an issue is on the weekends so normally one of us sleeps on the couch and now he has decided that since boating season is almost over, he needs to sleep on the boat at least one night per weekend. Fine (although that bothers me and I know it shouldn't ). I am in IC. I figure I could use it to make myself stronger and get through all of this a better person. I start divorce/seperation care support group at my church tomorrow night and I am really looking forward to it. My biggest problem is that when he is around, I want him to want me. I know this isn't going to happen and I know I am gping to move on with divorce so I need to stop but it's because he's here. When he goes away for the weekend and I have time to myself, I am sooo much stronger and don't need to know where he was or what he was doing. I don't need his attention. I think that's part of the reason he won't go, he sees that. Sigh. I don't really have anywhere to go since I would take our 3 kids with me so I have to figure this out.
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