# Why Get Married Nowadays?



## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

For those who've been married and are now divorced, why would one get married today given the statistics that say your marriage won't last 50% of the time and you'll leave with less than 50% of what you earned?

From a man's perspective, I find the allure of marriage as something that has diminished over time as I see more and more people, including myself, who have gotten divorced and have paid dearly for it. Feminism has played a role in this as well as the media. Women want a man who treated their Mom like their Dad did, but darn well don't want to treat their Dad like their Mom did.

Unless one wants children and willing to roll the dice, I just don't see getting remarried when one can live a life full of love and devotion but without the state being involved. While I realize that women want security, I just can't imagine why men continue to play into the game that a wife guarantees their own security of having a lifetime partner when if they leave, half of the possessions they worked hard for, also leaves with the STBX wife. 

My Dad and several of his friends have said that nowadays, they're not sure they would marry in today's environment, especially if one won't be having kids together. It's too easy to walk away and often the wife is the one who is rewarded for doing so (70% of divorces are initiated by the wife). 

I realize I may be a little cynical given what I went through with my STBX, but I do wonder if I'm the exception to the rule or if this is a prevailing trend. I feel that for awhile, women expect their husband to make everything 'right' for them and fail to recognize their responsibility in providing their own happiness. And if they fail....move on to that next 'Knight in Shining Armor'.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I would never marry if I got divorced....I would never marry unless I wanted to have children.

IMO men today have the card stacked aginst them where divorce is concerened.

and I will teach my boys to have a prenup before marriage. 50% divorce rate not very good odds to take with half your assests!


not saying all women are bad but not being religious I don't see a reason for a piece of paper that means absoluty nothing to most married people. religious people often being the worse offenders!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I see no need for it for me personally.

But not everyone is cut from the same cloth. Some people have very successful marriages and I can't talk bad about that.

It's just not for everyone.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

For men? No reason. Assuming he works

A man can have his wife cuckold him multiple ties, then divorce him, and if he isn't lucky enough to live in the minority of states that punish this behavior, his settlement will be:
Spousal support to her, a cheating lying pathetic excuse for a person (IMO...)
CHild support on children that are 0% genetically his, because that would be cruel to punish the children right? (nevermind punishing an innocent cuckold man...that doesn't happen or matter...)
Probably a 60/40 asset split since he works. 
Oh, and if she is smart, she can make her cuckold pay her lawyer fees, and if she is crafty, in some states, she can have a kid after the divorce and if she delivers it on time, settle her ex-hubby up for another kid! 

So his paycheck will probably have 40% of it go to his ex wife and kids, before taxes, and he has no idea if the child support goes to the kids or not. 

Problem is: 
Today, majority of girls expect marriage. If you don't put a rock on it, they'll give you an ultimatum. So...yea that will end well. 

Now, should a man get married in today's culture? 
HELL NO!!!

The laws regulating how a corporation treats its employees are more stringent and equal than how marriage laws treat men!!!!!

Now are all women like what I described? Of course not! But when they have the power to be like that, or just throw you out whenver they want and get a very favorable settlement in most states, who's to say they won't? 

Because they can say whatever they want about love, and how they would never to that to you, but knowing they can do that, does not make me feel any more secure.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

As a woman (and somewhat religious, at that) I have advised my 14yo daughter that if she is going to have children, she should try REALLY HARD to make the marriage work. But, if she is NOT going to have children with the man, there is NO REASON to get married.

I cannot envision myself marrying again. I see no up-side. I'm not sure I'd even want to shack-up; I think I'd prefer if we each had our OWN places to live. We can get together when we want, and retreat to peace and quiet (and everything our own way) when we want to. I guess I'm tired of 'compromising' since I did almost 100% of the compromising in the last 20 years (that % is NOT an exaggeration).

Just my 2 cents' worth.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> As a woman (and somewhat religious, at that) I have advised my 14yo daughter that if she is going to have children, she should try REALLY HARD to make the marriage work. But, if she is NOT going to have children with the man, there is NO REASON to get married.
> 
> I cannot envision myself marrying again. I see no up-side. I'm not sure I'd even want to shack-up; I think I'd prefer if we each had our OWN places to live. We can get together when we want, and retreat to peace and quiet (and everything our own way) when we want to. I guess I'm tired of 'compromising' since I did almost 100% of the compromising in the last 20 years (that % is NOT an exaggeration).
> 
> Just my 2 cents' worth.


Yeah exactly. Has anyone here on TAM ever considered being married but living separately? Seems like it would be the best of both worlds to be married but be neighbors. That way it'd be easy to manage the kids and each parent could retreat to their own space a couple nights a week to have some alone time and maintain their sanity. You could be together as much or as little as you want. Also would cut down on the nagging/bickering about household stuff. Yet you could be together as much as you want as a family too. 

Perhaps this is just a fantasy and all partnerships require sacrifice and compromise? Thoughts?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Marriage is grand. Divorce is ten grand. Hee Hee

Old saying, but I would dearly love to have a really good relationship with one woman who I would love to be with and would love to be with me. A woman trustworthy and gentle, sweet and considerate, not afraid to get emotionally intimate would be my dream.

All that said, I don't believe it is possible now. I remember something about 75% of second marriages end in divorce? Third marriages, who knows? The chances probably rise to above 85%.

Also, I do believe in a number of states, you don't have to get married to be married. I believe, if a couple presents themselves as married within certain criteria, joint accounts, how others perceive you in public, how the bills are paid, etc., you are considered legally married and the spouse has all the divorce rights of a standard marriage ceremony type deal. Sorry for the grammar.

That rock someone was talking about shows intent.

See a great attorney before anything. It's the best way.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

I won't lie, men almost always get screwed in the divorce. 

Read about a guy who was getting paid 6 figures. Was living the good life until he divorced. 25% to uncle sam and 40% to his wife(who moved into another man's house, still pay alimony) and child support. had this man living on a bit over 1/3 of his paycheck. Had to sell his house, car, move into an apartment and work over time just to break even. Company gave him less hours, couldn't make the payments, do the judges give a fvck? Nope, into jail you go you bad father, putting him even further behind in making payments.

Drove the man to put a gun in his mouth and eat a bullet. Did they take responsibility for it? No.

That is just a not right and a travesty of how fundamentally biased judges are.

One thing I learned about love is that nothing is certain, the ones that say they'd rather die than cause you pain can be the same ones who twist the knife in your heart. 

I'm not marrying anyone without a pre-nup, not in this farce we call a legal system. 

Especially considering how I nearly married a woman I definitely would've ended up being divorced from in a couple of years.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

My wife divorced me after 18 years, and I personally can't see any reason to get married again. I'm sure some people look at this differently. i know that to some, not getting married means having a relationship but just not getting married. For me, I don't even want another relationship.



Dreald said:


> Feminism has played a role in this as well as the media. Women want a man who treated their Mom like their Dad did, but darn well don't want to treat their Dad like their Mom did.


I guess this depends on how one looks at it. My mom and dad lived a very simple life without all the emotional stuff that i read about today, as did everyone else I knew growing up. I don't see any women, or many men for that matter, who want that today. Everybody today is looking for excitement and movie romance. After reading things on TAM, it appears one needs a manual for marriage these days.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Well, let's look at the stat's:

50% of marriages end in divorce. 
So of the 50% that survive, we don't know how many stay together and are unhappy. Even if it was just 1/3 of the percentage that survive the divorce statistics are unhappy but stay together anyway, the odds still aren't good. 
That would be around 35+% that stay together, and are happy. 

I'd rather play slots at the casino than get married. At least at slots, I am expecting to get screwed. In marriage, most people aren't expecting to end unhappy. They think they'll beat the statistic. 

Then looking further into statistics:
90% of the time, full custody is given to the mother. So if you are a daddy, don't expect to stay daddy. 
Plus, if the mother decides to skip state, and not let you see the kids ever again, nothing you can do. Except keep paying that child support, otherwise, you'll be thrown in jail. (never mind the fact that she is trampling over your rights as a father)
40-70% of men cheat, with 40 being the low end, 70% being the high end. Those who get caught, who knows. 
40-60% of women cheat. 
80%+ of alimony is given to ex-wives
And when we also include that 5%-33% of children are being raised by men that _think_ they are the biological fathers, but actually _are not_, that is a very troubling statistic. 
And because of current court cases: you, the cuckolded man, are still forced to pay child support on the child that is not yours, but you are denied any and all visitation rights, because you are not the father.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

Dreald said:


> For those who've been married and are now divorced, why would one get married today given the statistics that say your marriage won't last 50% of the time and you'll leave with less than 50% of what you earned?
> 
> I have no idea about the getting married again part, I know I am not interested in it, but the "you'll leave with less than 50% of wat you've earned" is baffling to me. Myself and a couple of my friends have divorced recently leaving our ex husbands with all of their own money (we have our own, thanks very much).
> 
> ...


This woman never expected him to make me happy. I knew that it was up to me and what made me happiest was leaving. Knight in Shining Armor? Please.... most of us do not see ourselves as weak, damsels in distress in need of saving. I am sure some do but that really is not the case for many of us. I am sorry that you had such a bad experience as you really do seem bitter. Just know that some women are not out to get you for your money and possessions. Some may really just like you for you. I hope you find her someday.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

No thanks. 
I like my space, my privacy, my ability to walk.
I don't think I will get married while my kids are still at home.
I think it creates an imbalance of power, a guy knowing that a woman will be loathe to upset her children's lives especially during a school year, or to have any kind of serious discussion aka argument with children present.
I'm okay with this non-marriage thing. I've had three marriages and in each one the legal status was used against me. Any guy who loves me will come to understand this need and not hold it against me personally. A Quaker marriage would be different, that I would embrace entirely, but I still doubt I would want to live for very long under the same roof, I need a place to go to to be on my own to feel peaceful and to maintain my center, which is easily disturbed as I'm overly sensitive to other people's emotional states. I'm hoping to move to a yurt when I'm finished with my current studies, or before, if the opportunity presents itself. I like to have a place where nature is accessible. It is now, but could be more so. If a man is crazy enough to want to set up a yurt next to mine, okay then, we can visit each other. I do think I would not get married except that was given inspection by my Quaker Meeting, even if I was sure myself. Since I've been wrong in the past. lol.


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

Wow, lots of negative talk in here about marriage..
I dont have kids yet, but been married five years so still early..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

southbound said:


> After reading things on TAM, it appears one needs a manual for marriage these days.





2ntnuf said:


> Marriage is grand. Divorce is ten grand. Hee Hee





Juicer said:


> I'd rather play slots at the casino than get married.


:rofl:


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

If you pose this question to only divorced people then of course you will only get jaded answers. You can ask why people get married all day long and people will continue to marry for their own reasons.... 

Call me stupid, but i still believe in marriage... Even if it doesn't last forever the point of it all is a declaration of love. divorce has only become so popular in the last few years and there are still countries where marriage isnt such a joke. In those countries marriage means for life. 

Are they happy? Maybe... Maybe their situation is not ideal, but perhaps they have accepted their situation and found contentment. Its possible a lesson for those quick to divorce or those who are selfish or those who cheat.

Back when the divorce rate was much lower the roles in society were very clear for the sexes... Women in the home, men at work. That balance isn't really there anymore in my part of the world.... But in societies where those roles are old school have much lower divorce rates. Maybe the new balance makes relationships suffer.... Is it worth it? Not to me. I still believe marriage can work, but the old handbook isnt relevant anymore, and we're all driving blind. Not all of us will make it, but i wish you all the best!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Marriage is a free ticket to emotional laziness, self neglect and freeloading.

It's useless in the modern urban world.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

nandosbella said:


> Back when the divorce rate was much lower the roles in society were very clear for the sexes... Women in the home, men at work. That balance isn't really there anymore in my part of the world.... But in societies where those roles are old school have much lower divorce rates. Maybe the new balance makes relationships suffer.... Is it worth it? Not to me. I still believe marriage can work, but the old handbook isnt relevant anymore, and we're all driving blind. Not all of us will make it, but i wish you all the best!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Much truth in this. I think the old rule book has changed. that sounds similar to what my Aunt told me about marriage. She said that men and women don't "need" each other like they once did. It's all about excitement anymore, and when that is gone, or when it never takes off like they were hoping, they're are ready to move on.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Southbound, you're aunt is exactly right. Men and women no longer "need" each other. I believe this is a side affect of our technologically advanced society. Women used to need men to "provide" physical labor and "protection". Now, in modern times, women no longer need to be provided for or protected. If technology were to suddenly disappear, women would quickly say "OMG, we need men". And women, freeing themselves from men, unknowingly freed men from their responsibility for women.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

Viseral said:


> Southbound, you're aunt is exactly right. Men and women no longer "need" each other. I believe this is a side affect of our technologically advanced society. Women used to need men to "provide" physical labor and "protection". Now, in modern times, women no longer need to be provided for or protected. If technology were to suddenly disappear, women would quickly say "OMG, we need men". And women, freeing themselves from men, unknowingly freed men from their responsibility for women.


So if men are the keepers of technology (because, as you say, we would need men so _desperately_ and suddenly if technology were to disappear), and the cause of men and women no longer needing each _other_ is because we live in a "technologically advanced society", then wouldn't it be fair to say that it is actually men who are causing men and women to drift apart? Since men are the drivers and keepers of technology as you have inferred?


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Never said that men are the "keepers of technology". Technology exists, period. And if we lived in nature, where threats to life and limb are much more prevalent, women would need men to provide and protect. This is instinctual in men, and is in large part how men express love. 

Nowadays, the threat of nature no longer exists. Women are perfectly capable of providing and protecting for themselves. So women no longer need men directly, and men don't feel needed. Technology is part of what's broken the natural dependency that men and women have for each other. Not blaming women.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I won't ever get married again - I was the financially stable one so bought him out of the house. He doesn't have to pay me a penny because I wouldn't take a penny off him, and he's having a whale of a time with half the equity in my house.

never again.

ever.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I agree that marriage is a gamble, but it's not only men who are taken to the cleaners when they divorce... I got divorced over 25 years ago, reared our son with little or no help from my (now) thrice married ex, and also ended up the major financial provider for him, even though my ex earned far more than I did. Because of my commitment to child-rearing, I had to settle for a lowly paid career and had little opportunity to plan for my twilight years. 

Divorce affects all concerned, and I vowed to never risk going through it again, so have never remarried.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Cosmos said:


> I agree that marriage is a gamble, but it's not only men who are taken to the cleaners when they divorce...


I agree wholeheartedly!

I think it's incredibly arrogant to assume that men are the only ones to lose out in the case of divorce. One of the reasons I've chosen not to have children is because I would hate to be stuck with them as the primary parent if the marriage didn't work out. The flip side of the propensity of courts to award custody to women is that men don't HAVE to.

Imaginary children aside, with my recent/current salary, if it weren't for our pre-nup, I could have potentially been on the hook for alimony and who knows what else in a property division. Fortunately we had a very civil divorce and the pre-nup was never contested.

Frankly, life is a gamble. Everybody stands to lose if marriage doesn't work out. If a woman chooses to stay home with children and divorces, then she's lost valuable years of earning potential when she has to return to the workforce--assuming she ever pursued education/training to do more than entry-level jobs. Likewise, men stand to lose their investment in that family as well. Never mind the emotional risk. And that's assuming that there isn't any blatant reason for divorce like abuse or cheating that leaves a whole different set of scars.

Marriage is a risk like any other investment we make in life. The car you buy could be a lemon. You could be buying your house or your stocks on a bubble. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow. We all choose our levels of exposure to risk and the real shame is that more people don't look at the potential outcomes when they go into marriage instead of taking a more practical approach to the what-ifs.....


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've been married for 21 years and we are happy. Took a lot of years to get to this happy place though so it's not been all roses and sunshine.

However if I were to get divorced I don't think I'd remarry. I'm middle aged, already have kids, and I just don't see the point at this stage in my life.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

Viseral said:


> Yeah exactly. Has anyone here on TAM ever considered being married but living separately? Seems like it would be the best of both worlds to be married but be neighbors. That way it'd be easy to manage the kids and each parent could retreat to their own space a couple nights a week to have some alone time and maintain their sanity. You could be together as much or as little as you want. Also would cut down on the nagging/bickering about household stuff. Yet you could be together as much as you want as a family too.
> 
> Perhaps this is just a fantasy and all partnerships require sacrifice and compromise? Thoughts?


My wife works for a woman who has an arrangement like that with her husband, sans children. They live in separate homes around the corner from each other and this has worked for them for a number of years now. They each have very distinct living habits and needs and found maintaining separate homes easier than combining them.


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

Some great points posted here, both for and against marriage. To be honest, I was very much against marriage after witnessing what my family went through. Everybody in my family is either never married, divorced, in an unhappy marriage, or lead separate lives from their spouses. With the exception of my grandparents, who were together and happy until my grandfather passed away, and my youngest uncle, who has only been married for one year.

I pretty much had NO example of a good relationship, growing up. Then I read the statistics. I honestly didn't see the point of marriage.

In contrast, my current boyfriend is divorced, but his parents stayed together and loved each other until his father passed away from an illness. His sister has been happily married for 15 years. His cousins, aunts and uncles have all found happiness, many of them staying married for over 40-50 years, and his cousins remarrying even if they have been divorced. His oldest sister is divorced as well but has a long-term live in boyfriend.

Despite all my negative experiences, I still believe in marriage. I believe it will be hard work, but the payoff is more than worth it. I did read about the spouses keeping separate apartments, however, I do believe marriage is about unity, BUT, both partners have to be willing to give each other space when needed. Both my boyfriend and I both agree on spending 80% of our free time together and 20% apart, whether it be with friends, family, or just alone. But hey, whatever works for the couple 

I want to get married because I want somebody to spend the rest of my life with, somebody who will support me in all my decisions, be my partner in life, be there for me, and who will go through all of life's challenges with me. And a small part, for the recognition by society. 

If I ever get divorced, God forbid, I would decline alimony payments, and if I had kids, child support as well, as long as my ex was a good father to them. I make my own money and have my own career and don't need to ride off of somebody else's.

And yes, after seeing the way my father and my boyfriend suffered after their divorce, financially and with seeing their kids, I really believe marriage laws are a joke, and that men should have more rights.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

This topic has split into two threads; the OP was talking about re-marrying. But several replies refer to "getting married" or being in their first marriages.

I can't ever see myself getting re-married if I ever go through with my divorce. But I'm a realist and know I'm completely jaded right now. Although I do yearn desperately for that feeling again. To be with someone who actually wants to be with me.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

I'm a man in a marriage that has seen many more miserable and unhappy years than happy ones, but I see this viewpoint as just horribly jaded. Being with someone you love and who you know loves you is a wonderful thing, and there are many other great things about being married. 

The 50% statistic? Most of those 50% are because people just didn't do the things they should have to have a happy marriage. It's not some preordained thing that 50% will get divorced. It's just that many more people of our generation haven't grown up learning the skills to be a good marriage partner for whatever reason. I'm amazed at how much happier my wife and I both are now that we're taking the time to learn how to make a good marriage.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

In those countries with a low divorce rate, most stay married for social reasons, social pressures, family name...and if you think about it, those are very, very lame reasons to stay with someone that makes you very unhappy.

Marriage does not suck. What sucks is our choices. The people that disrespect marriage are those that refuse to take responsability for the ending of their own marriages. So if they say that marriage sucks, it's marriage and not me...I'm the victim, not my fault. Right.

Ok, so my first two marriages ended in divorce. So did marriage let me down? No, I did...I choose two loser women. Even though they cheated, it is still my fault because I married them, and no one put a gun to my head. There were lots and lots of red flags going even back to our first dates, that I ignored...character issues, mental issues, emotional issuse, known all before we married. 

So at 51 I met an awesome woman, and we married 15 months later (April 2012), and wow, she is awesome. Now knowing her 2 years, I am yet to find her in a nasty mood. We have had 2-3 small disagreements, and 1 big one in that time, and we respect each other, love each other...and we are so friskey in the sack...it's amazing how awesome marriage can be when you choose great!!  Life with Julie does not require hard work...ah, I mean does not require ANY work...when there is mutual respect, the amount of work required is none to little.


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

WalterWhite said:


> In those countries with a low divorce rate, most stay married for social reasons, social pressures, family name...and if you think about it, those are very, very lame reasons to stay with someone that makes you very unhappy.
> 
> Marriage does not suck. What sucks is our choices. The people that disrespect marriage are those that refuse to take responsability for the ending of their own marriages. So if they say that marriage sucks, it's marriage and not me...I'm the victim, not my fault. Right.
> 
> ...


True...your post and situation reminds me of my father. He was absolutely miserable with my mom. After he got divorced, he told me how happy he was to be alone, and free to date. And he did date, a lot, for many years. He told me he never wanted to get married again, that he saw no point. This went on for about 15 years.

Then, last year, he told me he was thinking of getting remarried. I was shocked! He said he finally had found the right woman, who he had been seeing for 2 years, and he speaks wonderfully of her. He said he finally found his match and he's never been happier, that they are perfect for each other. He also told me he was getting lonely, and he wanted someone to be with him as he grew into old age (he is 60 now, though very healthy). My father's relationship with his new fiancee is very much like yours...though I didn't ask him about being friskey in the sack  TMI, lol.

My boyfriend, after his divorce more than 4 years ago, was going around telling everybody he was never getting married again (as per his family and my friend who worked with him before I knew him). Then, after he was with me, and he began to realize his own mistakes in his last marriage and how he picked the wrong woman, he said he is becoming more open to the idea of remarriage. 

It's great to see that even after 2 failed marriages, you didn't let it deter you from marrying the right woman the third time! You are absolutely right in saying that it's not marriage that sucks, it's our choices and the lack of work we put into it. Nobody wants to take responsibility for their own actions...after all, it's so much easier to blame everyone and everything, EXCEPT yourself.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

Laws are set to protect women and children from men that would throw them away if not forced to provide/protect them. Women that choose to stay at home and take care of the home and the kids earns, and is entitled to, half her husbands income. Alimony is to help if she is left alone with children and no skills to get a decent paying job to provide for the children. She should use it to pursue education or skills to be able to take care of herself and the children. Ideally, women should get an education/skills before getting married and having kids.

Men, and women too, should really consider not marrying or having kids. The sad truth is, for the majority, it is simply not affordable. You need a 6 figure income nowdays.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

dixieangel said:


> Laws are set to protect women and children from men that would throw them away if not forced to provide/protect them. Women that choose to stay at home and take care of the home and the kids earns, and is entitled to, half her husbands income. Alimony is to help if she is left alone with children and no skills to get a decent paying job to provide for the children. She should use it to pursue education or skills to be able to take care of herself and the children. Ideally, women should get an education/skills before getting married and having kids.
> 
> Men, and women too, should really consider not marrying or having kids. The sad truth is, for the majority, it is simply not affordable. You need a 6 figure income nowdays.


Right on!! And you're correct that MOST couples cannot afford to have even one kid because the wife fails to find a man that can afford a family (house in nice area, two cars, vacations, braces, vacations, emergency fund, etc)...too often, women think Love is all they need to make it work...too many men and women that idealize love, and how it can keep them together, all they need, conquers all...all bool sheet of course. Love is essential to make it work but if that's all a couple has, it will not work, and can produce children that are not taken care of properly. You drive around the country, especially the south and you see dirty kids with crooked teeth, but Dad has the top of the time V8 Charger parked outside the rental apartment...yea, love's going to really help those kids out...right!!


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

I'm not divorced or American so the concept of alimony is alien to me (either we call it something else, or there are different restrictions on it because most adults I've ever known have been divorced and no one I know has ever gotten it). When I first heard it, I was like 'oh I suppose it makes sense to help pay for the kids right?' but apparently you don't even have to have kids to get alimony? It's just a cheque for a person who is fully able bodied and capable of working just because he or she got married to a spouse who earned more? Jeeeeez.

So yes I'd turn that down if things got hairy in the marriage and children weren't involved. Even though I earn a pittance right now and probably couldn't afford rent AND food AND a bus pass by myself.

For our situation, we were so in love but so far apart, and we knew that once we were married there would be no physical or legal way that anyone on this Earth could _ever_ separate us, which we don't take for granted, and which makes us very very lucky. So I for one am glad marriage exists


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

If I were to get divorced, I would hope to marry again. Divorce would not scare me off from marrying again. I would take the chance to get out there and enjoy dating again and in that process try and find the right person to share my life with.


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