# Fantasies, or lack of



## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Interesting discussion with wife of 27 years. She formerly claimed she had no fantasies. Two years ago, said she does have fantasies but won't share them with me. Fair enough. Last night said she's back to zero fantasies. I find that hard to believe. Doesn't everyone have sexual fantasies? Or maybe that's a guy thing: Naughty thoughts in the"spank bank" as they called it on "Rescue Me." Aren't there times in a relationship - especially one that's 30 years and yes, still happy - where your mind wanders a bit to "get you there?" I share mine, she's a-okay with that. And i'm cool with her having none. Just wondering, are most women this way?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Interesting discussion with wife of 27 years. She formerly claimed she had no fantasies. Two years ago, said she does have fantasies but won't share them with me. Fair enough. Last night said she's back to zero fantasies. I find that hard to believe. Doesn't everyone have sexual fantasies? Or maybe that's a guy thing: Naughty thoughts in the"spank bank" as they called it on "Rescue Me." Aren't there times in a relationship - especially one that's 30 years and yes, still happy - where your mind wanders a bit to "get you there?" I share mine, she's a-okay with that. And i'm cool with her having none. Just wondering, are most women this way?


Fantasies aren't always tangible and are rarely executable and are very private. You can actually ruin a fantasy by trying to do it.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Fantasies aren't always tangible and are rarely executable and are very private. You can actually ruin a fantasy by trying to do it.


not into trying to do a fantasy. Just talking about them


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

It would be surprising if someone truly had no fantasies. I think it is a combination of not being able to verbalize the fantasies, some embarrassment and maybe a little guilt and fear. I think my wife struggles with answering questions like that because she can't figure out how to say it or say it in a way that doesn't make her feel embarrassed or shy. As DBTR said, they can feel intangible, so they can be hard to describe. Not everyone has as clear cut of a fantasy as let's say a threesome, which is easy to put into words. 

I don't think it is gender related any more than sex drive is gender related. I bet the clarity and number of fantasies someone has can be correlated to their sex drive and where the fall on the spectrum between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. If you aren't regularly thinking about sex you probably have few if any fantasies. You just haven't invested the mental effort into it. On the other hand, if you think about sex all the time you probably have a large repertoire of fantasies and they are clear in your mind. I suspect there would be a correlation to masturbation too. If you masturbate rarely or never you probably don't have a lot of fantasies running through your head. 

I also think DBTR is right about privacy and not wanting to ruin the fantasy. Someone may want to keep that fantasy only in their head. They may fear that bringing it out in the open could ruin it for them. 

I admittedly spend a lot of time thinking about sex with my wife. I do have sexual fantasies and I will share them with her. I have no fantasies about acts that would be completely out of bounds for us, so I have no fear or reservation about sharing them. However, if I had a fantasy about a threesome or sex with someone else I might not be so free and open about it. Even though I would never act on either I don't know if I would feel comfortable sharing that with my wife.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Most likely the fantasy involves another and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. It could also be that she’s worried that you may judge her , or afraid that you will want to do it but that it’s only something that’s a fantasy that she really doesn’t want to make happen.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> It would be surprising if someone truly had no fantasies. I think it is a combination of not being able to verbalize the fantasies, some embarrassment and maybe a little guilt and fear. I think my wife struggles with answering questions like that because she can't figure out how to say it or say it in a way that doesn't make her feel embarrassed or shy. As DBTR said, they can feel intangible, so they can be hard to describe. Not everyone has as clear cut of a fantasy as let's say a threesome, which is easy to put into words.
> 
> I don't think it is gender related any more than sex drive is gender related. I bet the clarity and number of fantasies someone has can be correlated to their sex drive and where the fall on the spectrum between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. If you aren't regularly thinking about sex you probably have few if any fantasies. You just haven't invested the mental effort into it. On the other hand, if you think about sex all the time you probably have a large repertoire of fantasies and they are clear in your mind. I suspect there would be a correlation to masturbation too. If you masturbate rarely or never you probably don't have a lot of fantasies running through your head.
> 
> ...


Thanks. Your answers are always well done. I think you may be right about her not sure how to verbalize, or just has none. I don’t hold back. I’ve told all mine and she really gets off to some of them. She never judges or tells me to stop. That includes one about us with a married MF couple we know from church. She won’t admit, but she is totally into that one which includes swapping and bisexual fun.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Some of our fantasies are out of this world.....literally.
Some are executed out of sight, underground, those played out in my warren.


_King Brian-_


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Thanks. Your answers are always well done. I think you may be right about her not sure how to verbalize, or just has none. I don’t hold back. I’ve told all mine and she really gets off to some of them. She never judges or tells me to stop. That includes one about us with a married MF couple we know from church. She won’t admit, but she is totally into that one which includes swapping and bisexual fun.


See, I have no desire to hear my wife fantasize about sex with other people, and most definitely not people we know, but that is just me. 

It sounds like she may not have a need for fantasies if she hears all of yours and gets turned on by them. Maybe your fantasies are her fantasies?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> See, I have no desire to hear my wife fantasize about sex with other people, and most definitely not people we know, but that is just me.
> 
> It sounds like she may not have a need for fantasies if she hears all of yours and gets turned on by them. Maybe your fantasies are her fantasies?


That’s what I think, but she is shy to admit


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Longtime Hubby said:


> That’s what I think, but she is shy to admit


She did tell me to invite them to dinner


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Longtime Hubby said:


> She did tell me to invite them to dinner


Well, there you go. Don't come whining when you learn your wife and church man are getting it on with your presumed approval.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Lmao. She’s made very clear fantasy is fantasy. I won’t be as you said “whining,” sheesh! Judge much?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

My wife doesn't have sexual fantasies that she admits to. I have no reason to not believe her, given everything else I know. Sex in the abstract is not to her very appealing.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Fantasies aren't always tangible and are rarely executable and are very private. You can actually ruin a fantasy by trying to do it.


You can also ruin it by talking about it. People are different. It's great the OP found someone who enjoys listening to what he enjoys saying. That's wonderful. But if she won't enjoy talking about it, honestly, how much fun would it be for the OP anyway?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Cletus said:


> My wife doesn't have sexual fantasies that she admits to. I have no reason to not believe her, given everything else I know. Sex in the abstract is not to her very appealing.


Thanks


TexasMom1216 said:


> You can also ruin it by talking about it. People are different. It's great the OP found someone who enjoys listening to what he enjoys saying. That's wonderful. But if she won't enjoy talking about it, honestly, how much fun would it be for the OP anyway?


does get old being the only one talking


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think what you're wanting more than her fantasies is just for her to talk dirty to you. Doesn't sound like it's going to happen.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think what you're wanting more than her fantasies is just for her to talk dirty to you. Doesn't sound like it's going to happen.


Actually, that DOES happen. And it's fun to hear.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Actually, that DOES happen. And it's fun to hear.


Well good. But so what is this about wanting to hear fantasies when you're already hearing her talk dirty to you? What is your goal in hearing her tell you some fantasy? And then what do you do?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well good. But so what is this about wanting to hear fantasies when you're already hearing her talk dirty to you? What is your goal in hearing her tell you some fantasy? And then what do you do?


I just think it would be fun to hear some of her fantasies. She's heard mine, shared during our foreplay. Just another ingredient to our fun.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Anyone have any thoughts on how this relates to a lot of women (not all, go easy on me!) enjoying sex fantasy books (romance novels)? Do the writers articulate things that would otherwise be left to frustratingly vague, incommunicable thoughts? Do they function to help express female fantasies in vivid detail?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

My 2 cents. Sexual fantasies are usually deeply private things that may involve a lot of shame. If they were "vanilla" and common, they probably would be things you would do and not a fantasy.

As stated by others they can be like a dream that you wake up from, know you liked, but are not sure what it was about.

Assuming a person knows what their fantasy is, they may not feel safe or trusting enough to express it let alone attempt to try it in real life. A person can also know that expressing their fantasy might deeply damage their relationship or give their partner something they could blackmail them with in an argument, such as secretly wanting to have unprotected sex with a partner's relative, a college roommate of theirs, or a family friend or whipping a partner until they are a bruised and bloody mess. 

Just take a look at the spectrum of porn out there. Some fantasies might be downright criminal, violent or only in a realm of imagination, such as, pedophilia, rape, impregnation sex, bestiality, mutilation, slavery, severe corporal punishment and torture, science fiction Vore or Tentacle sex. Rule 34 of the internet is that if you can think of it, there is porn depicting it on the internet.

If you really want to explore a partner's fantasies, you might want to explore it like one would do using a Yes/No/Maybe list approach. The really dark fantasies, might never reach paper. Some of them may only come out after several such Yes/No/Maybe lists have been done and the mutual Yes's tried so that trust is built.

Good luck.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Quad73 said:


> Anyone have any thoughts on how this relates to a lot of women (not all, go easy on me!) enjoying sex fantasy books (romance novels)? Do the writers articulate things that would otherwise be left to frustratingly vague, incommunicable thoughts? Do they function to help express female fantasies in vivid detail?


you are probably onto something. The authors are able to put into words what you may be thinking?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Young at Heart said:


> My 2 cents. Sexual fantasies are usually deeply private things that may involve a lot of shame. If they were "vanilla" and common, they probably would be things you would do and not a fantasy.
> 
> As stated by others they can be like a dream that you wake up from, know you liked, but are not sure what it was about.
> 
> ...


Good post. I'd think there's a base of trust 30 plus years after our first date, 27 years of marriage. You make some valid points I had not considered. A well-written, thought-out reply. Thanks. She wants to keep 'em secret or claim she has none, that's cool, cousin. ... Tentacle sex? Hmmm, LOL.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Quad73 said:


> Anyone have any thoughts on how this relates to a lot of women (not all, go easy on me!) enjoying sex fantasy books (romance novels)? Do the writers articulate things that would otherwise be left to frustratingly vague, incommunicable thoughts? Do they function to help express female fantasies in vivid detail?


You know those romance novels are mostly about romance and idealistic love. That's more what turns a woman on.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Longtime Hubby,

I'm a female person, nearly 60yo, and I wouldn't consider myself having sexual fantasies. As a person, I'm pretty open sexually, I enjoy sex and participate and initiate... so I don't think of myself as a prude or low drive. And I am VERY attracted to my Beloved Buddhist!!! Just ask him  

I think partly I don't have fantasies because what I would normally find "my kind of fantasy" is the stuff we actually do! So why fantasize about what you're doing? To me, the romance books are BORING...but they do capitalize on some basic feminine romantic thoughts of being protected, being desired, having your senses overcome with pleasure, being swept off your feet etc. Again, I can't help but think "None of this is real" as I'm reading the book (hence, the books aren't my cuppa tea), and yet I do understand that some females think this way romantically. And...this is what we actually do. 

I don't think it's a shame thing either. I just feel satisfied enough with what's really going on, that I don't feel the need for additional "fantasy." Real life is doing it for me!


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Affaircare said:


> @Longtime Hubby,
> 
> I'm a female person, nearly 60yo, and I wouldn't consider myself having sexual fantasies. As a person, I'm pretty open sexually, I enjoy sex and participate and initiate... so I don't think of myself as a prude or low drive. And I am VERY attracted to my Beloved Buddhist!!! Just ask him
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for the insightful, well-written and outstanding reply. My wife is 62. When she says she has "no fantasties," I found it hard to believe. But after reading your post, it makes sense. Perhaps that's where she is coming from. Last night, with a smile, she did admit that some of the fantasies I tell her do indeed turn her on. "Depends on the mood," she said. So, I'm not going to worry any more about why she won't share. Just enjoy the experience together. Thanks again. Really.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> redacted


what the hell? Of course I care about and love my wife. That's a nasty post, Mrs. Texas. To say I don't care about her. Sheesh. But I'll cut you some slack. I've never forced her to do anything. Pretty bold of you to make a statement like that of someone you don't know. But it's the Internet. I get that.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

TexasMom1216 said:


> And I answered it. Men hate romance novels.


I'm not sure you are in a position to tell men what they hate and do not. 

I don't hate romance novels. I never think about romance novels. I don't slap one out of my wife's hand on the rare occurrence she has picked one up during our marriage. Nor have I seen any indication in this thread that any of the men posting hate them either. 

If a man on this forum states that he doesn't like romance novels, take it up with him then. Otherwise, you're just engaging in a strawman argument - and a bit of a mean one, at that, to the OP.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Longtime Hubby said:


> *She did tell me to invite them to dinner*


This could be her stab at humor.
This could be a poop test, smell her fingers.
This could be her wanting to act out her fantasy.

........................................................................................................................

You say she has no interest, has expressed no interest, would never try this...._yet._
This _yet_ is your making, you planted a seed.

........................................................................................................................

If this couple accepts the invite-

If no swinging is ever brought up, or offered up, or made real, the invite alone, brings these two people _close at hand._

When your fantasy is _close at hand,_ the look, the smell, and the words are fresh in mind.

When your wife looks at this man, from head to foot, she can much easier strip him down naked and place him in her fantasy bed.



_Nemesis- _my suspicious tail is twitching.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

SunCMars said:


> This could be her stab at humor.
> This could be a poop test, smell her fingers.
> This could be her wanting to act out her fantasy.
> 
> ...


very interesting .. will message you


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

SunCMars said:


> This could be her stab at humor.
> This could be a poop test, smell her fingers.
> This could be her wanting to act out her fantasy.
> 
> ...


She was sincere about inviting them to dinner. Whether more is on the menu, TBD


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sorry, as much as we enjoy the _back and forth_, we do not want anyone to think we are encouraging this fantasy!

I am sure others are on the edge of their seat!


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

SunCMars said:


> Sorry, as much as we enjoy the _back and forth_, we do not want anyone to think we are encouraging this fantasy!
> 
> I am sure others are on the edge of their seat!


I wasn't looking for your encouragement. Honestly. Just chatting to kill time. Carry on. As you were ...


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I have a ton of fantasies but of course, I am a guy. My wife says she doesn't have any. And I don't share mine anymore with her based on her negative reactions I mentioned in another thread. Which I suppose is OK its just it kind of closes up the communication I suppose.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Good post. I'd think there's a base of trust 30 plus years after our first date, 27 years of marriage. You make some valid points I had not considered. A well-written, thought-out reply. Thanks. She wants to keep 'em secret or claim she has none, that's cool, cousin. ... Tentacle sex? Hmmm, LOL.


I have been married over 50 years and my wife can't tell me any of hers. During extensive marriage counseling with a sex therapist, she did confess that growing up, if she had any "impure" thoughts, she was required to go to confession and tell a middle aged man what sinful thoughts she had and ask for God's forgiveness. This significantly traumatized her. She still loves to read "bodice ripper" novels. 

Tentacle sex..........not my thing, but sure has a following in Japan. Again, rule 34.

You can only ask, be non-judgemental and supportive. You can't force a partner to do or say anything they don't feel comfortable saying.

Good luck.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> This could be her stab at humor.
> This could be a poop test, smell her fingers.
> This could be her wanting to act out her fantasy.
> 
> ...


Yes, reality if less sexy than fantasy for the most part.

However, you might want to look at the following TED talk to understand how you can still maintain monogomy and through role playing introduce a bit a fantasy about another partner. Your mileage may vary.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Affaircare said:


> @Longtime Hubby,
> 
> I'm a female person, nearly 60yo, and I wouldn't consider myself having sexual fantasies. As a person, I'm pretty open sexually, I enjoy sex and participate and initiate... so I don't think of myself as a prude or low drive. And I am VERY attracted to my Beloved Buddhist!!! Just ask him
> 
> ...


the BEST type of fantasy is one where you are doing kinky things with your actual partner! it can really keep the bedroom fresh and hot!
you are one of the lucky ones


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You know those romance novels are mostly about romance and idealistic love. That's more what turns a woman on.


That's interesting - is a fantasy of romance and idealistic love a thing? Is a turn on in the imagination a fantasy, or something else?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Cletus said:


> I'm not sure you are in a position to tell men what they hate and do not.
> 
> I don't hate romance novels. I never think about romance novels. I don't slap one out of my wife's hand on the rare occurrence she has picked one up during our marriage. Nor have I seen any indication in this thread that any of the men posting hate them either.
> 
> If a man on this forum states that he doesn't like romance novels, take it up with him then. Otherwise, you're just engaging in a strawman argument - and a bit of a mean one, at that, to the OP.


LOL, I almost spit out my coffee envisioning you walking into the bedroom and slapping a book out of your wife's hands as she lay there reading, "get that smut outta here".


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I have a ton of fantasies but of course, I am a guy. My wife says she doesn't have any. And I don't share mine anymore with her based on her negative reactions I mentioned in another thread. Which I suppose is OK its just it kind of closes up the communication I suppose.


You have to understand that a woman may not want to hear about your fantasies since they really have nothing to do with her if she's not the type of woman interested in doing those. So to her those are about the woman she isn't, and might not get a good response.

Maybe men resent romance novels for the same reason because they know that's not them.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You have to understand that a woman may not want to hear about your fantasies since they really have nothing to do with her if she's not the type of woman interested in doing those. So to her those are about the woman she isn't, and might not get a good response.
> 
> Maybe men resent romance novels for the same reason because they know that's not them.


The ones I whisper always involve my wife. So i hear zero complaints. Some appeal to her deeply held fantasies, the ones she refuses to reveal, the ones she now claims she does not have. Uh-huh. Even the Presidents has sexual fantasies. Ditto the rev at church. The female cashier at the grocery store. The soccer mom ....


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Just to play devils advocate. It has been my experience that when people say that they don't have any fantasies, they are lying. Most times they do, they just don't involve their SO.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Longtime Hubby said:


> The ones I whisper always involve my wife. So i hear zero complaints. Some appeal to her deeply held fantasies, the ones she refuses to reveal, the ones she now claims she does not have. Uh-huh. Even the Presidents has sexual fantasies. Ditto the rev at church. The female cashier at the grocery store. The soccer mom ....


If she refuses to reveal them it's very likely those are not her fantasies but just your fantasies. Sounds like your fantasy is that she has fantasies that mirror yours but if that was the case you'd be doing them instead of whispering about them, assuming they were doable, which many are not.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> If she refuses to reveal them it's very likely those are not her fantasies but just your fantasies. Sounds like your fantasy is that she has fantasies that mirror yours but if that was the case you'd be doing them instead of whispering about them, assuming they were doable, which many are not.


I don't analyze them. I just tell them. She enjoys them. We both get off. Not getting too technical here. She's said she has none. That's cool. I've got plenty to share. it's all good.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> Just to play devils advocate. It has been my experience that when people say that they don't have any fantasies, they are lying. Most times they do, they just don't involve their SO.


that's kinda what I think, too. And I'd be totally cool with hearing any and all. Such is life. Everyone is different.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Just to play devils advocate. It has been my experience that when people say that they don't have any fantasies, they are lying. Most times they do, they just don't involve their SO.


That has been said here and is a distinct possibility. Many people won't be too quick to share those thoughts, even if they have less than zero desire to act on them.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> That has been said here and is a distinct possibility. Many people won't be too quick to share those thoughts, even if they have less than zero desire to act on them.


Just the way she is. She denied having any for 25 years of marriage. Then two years ago said she did, but would not share. Now it's back to "none." I'm past the point of caring. We get off when I tell mine. She's said some turn her on, depending on the mood it varies which ones do. That's cool.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I dont get it.....the woman in my fantasies is my wife. If my wife fantasizes about other men....we got issues. If she wanted to do that i will make it a reality for her and cut her loose to chase those fantasies, i would not want to stand in the way of a wife that wanted to screw other men....fantasy or not.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> I dont get it.....the woman in my fantasies is my wife. If my wife fantasizes about other men....we got issues. If she wanted to do that i will make it a reality for her and cut her loose to chase those fantasies, i would not want to stand in the way of a wife that wanted to screw other men....fantasy or not.


Dude, It's just fantasies. After 27 years, we sometimes need extra inspiration. Having ED, the fantasies help, too. Do we plan to start swinging? No. Do we have fun talking about it in foreplay, yes. To each their own. You may do things that we'd find repulsive. It's a big world. Plenty of room for everyone.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Divinely Favored said:


> I dont get it.....the woman in my fantasies is my wife. If my wife fantasizes about other men....we got issues. If she wanted to do that i will make it a reality for her and cut her loose to chase those fantasies, i would not want to stand in the way of a wife that wanted to screw other men....fantasy or not.


Unfortunately it is more common then you think because honestly, who would admit it to their SO?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> Unfortunately it is more common then you think because honestly, who would admit it to their SO?


I've admitted interest in others. It's not a big deal for us. Really. Kinda enhances things, truth be told. She's never told me to "be quiet" or "Stop" And I'd never tell her that either. To each their own. Whatever floats your boat.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Longtime Hubby said:


> I've admitted interest in others. It's not a big deal for us. Really. Kinda enhances things, truth be told. She's never told me to "be quiet" or "Stop" And I'd never tell her that either. To each their own. Whatever floats your boat.


In my case, my XW decide not to mention to me her fantasies and acted on them outside the marriage.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> In my case, my XW decide not to mention to me her fantasies and acted on them outside the marriage.


Understood.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You have to understand that a woman may not want to hear about your fantasies since they really have nothing to do with her if she's not the type of woman interested in doing those. So to her those are about the woman she isn't, and might not get a good response.
> 
> Maybe men resent romance novels for the same reason because they know that's not them.


Well some (actually most) of them DO involve her but she still doesn't want to hear them. I think its just because they are sex-related. If they were about buying a house on the beach, she would be interested. Seriously, she has told me before she has no interest in my sex fantasies but will listen to my life goal fantasies like the house one.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well some (actually most) of them DO involve her but she still doesn't want to hear them. I think its just because they are sex-related. If they were about buying a house on the beach, she would be interested. Seriously, she has told me before she has no interest in my sex fantasies but will listen to my life goal fantasies like the house one.


yeah, mine gets turned on if I make dinner. or clean the bathrooms.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Dude, It's just fantasies. After 27 years, we sometimes need extra inspiration. Having ED, the fantasies help, too. Do we plan to start swinging? No. Do we have fun talking about it in foreplay, yes. To each their own. You may do things that we'd find repulsive. It's a big world. Plenty of room for everyone.


As said, i dont get it. Im not wired that way. Hell i had a dream years ago that i was not married and with another woman. I woke up feeling upset like i had cheated. It had my head messed up a couple of days. I just kept telling myself it was only a dream. Never seen girl in dream, so i did not know who she was. We are at 25 yrs.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> As said, i dont get it. Im not wired that way. Hell i had a dream years ago that i was not married and with another woman. I woke up feeling upset like i had cheated. It had my head messed up a couple of days. I just kept telling myself it was only a dream. Never seen girl in dream, so i did not know who she was. We are at 25 yrs.


This gave me a good laugh. I occasionally have dreams where I'm very frustrated that I'm not dating much lately, and time is passing dammit... then I wake up and remember it's because I'm married.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Divinely Favored said:


> As said, i dont get it. Im not wired that way. Hell i had a dream years ago that i was not married and with another woman. I woke up feeling upset like i had cheated. It had my head messed up a couple of days. I just kept telling myself it was only a dream. Never seen girl in dream, so i did not know who she was. We are at 25 yrs.


Again, to each their own. I would never feel guilty about a dream because, well, it’s a dream.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Quad73 said:


> This gave me a good laugh. I occasionally have dreams where I'm very frustrated that I'm not dating much lately, and time is passing dammit... then I wake up and remember it's because I'm married.


Ones i hate are the surreal dreams when there is someone breaking in and you are pulling the trigger with both hands and the gun will not fire or a fight and you are swinging but can barely move.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'm dreaming this thread is devolving rapidly but is humorous.


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