# I'M PREGNANT:confused: FOUND OUT THIS MORNING-MY LIFE IS A SOAP OPERA



## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

In the midst of trying to work our marriage out we went on a vacation and were intimate on Christmas night and now i'm pregnant. I took the test almost jokingly b/c my period was a day late...but it's positive (I took two EPT digital read test), this will be child #4 and our youngest is 10 months and the oldest is 5. Please read the post below (i posted it yesterday prior to this newfound information). He was here when I took the test and said "this definitely complicates things" proceeded to eat his breakfast, and went to sleep (he worked overnight).

I must have been an EVIL person in my past life!

Post from yesterday:
Short version:
Been together for nearly 10 years, since we were both about 20. Found out he was cheating about 6 months ago, he had an emotional affair w/ one of my "closest friends" and was inappropriate w/ several other women, cheated while i was pregnant, even claims that one person gave him oral sex. He was devastated when I found out, begged for the family, begged for another chance, claimed to be suicidal at the thought of losing his family and our life/lifestyle, went to counseling, got on anti-depressants, started going to church, etc... I had a really difficult time moving forward and wasn't always engaged in the healing process b/c I was so hurt. Now I have "come around" and I'm really trying to repair the marriage. Now he says he's tired of trying, when he was trying I wasn't, and that while I wasn't engaged in the process he did some soul searching and realizes that he is miserable, that's why he cheated. He wants to be single and free, he doesn't want to answer to anyone about anything. Also says the marriage was a mistake and he was too young to get married, he wants to date and have fun now since he traded his 20's in to be married. He will still be there for the kids (10mo, 3yrs, 5.5 yrs old), but feels that marriage in general and being w/ me is holding him back from all of the experiences that life has to offer. I cannot believe this is the person I married, he was never so selfish and callous. I don't know what to do!!! Now I feel like a fool for giving him a chance. He says he knows there are no guarantees in life, but if he stays w/ me he will definitely be miserable but if he takes a chance on his own maybe he'll find happiness. This is all surreal to me, please help!!!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well Honey, What do YOU want?? 

Do you want to end the marriage? or do you wish to try and save it? 

Counseling will need to go on with major repair work and trust issues.

do you think you Both can over come this?

I know it is tough, but what do you really want?


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

What I really wanted was to save the marriage, I think in the beginning of the process I was just overwhelmed. But it is a partnership, he has told me bluntly that he does not want to be married to me or anyone else at this time in his life, he wants to be free, he wants to be single, and getting married so young was a mistake. He says that he loves our children and will always be there for them, fiinancially and otherwise, but he is done with the marriage, "there are too many women and too many things to experience in life to be restricted by marriage and having to answer to anyone about anything." So I think it is beyond what I want, I'm just floored by the fact that I'm pregnant and will be facing life as a single mother of 4 and I'm not even 30 years old and had all of my children under the assumption that I would grow old with their father.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry.... this is horrible. That's an awful way for him to act. Talk about selfish... he just "doesn't feel like being tied down" ??? He's got 3 kids and one on the way? What a jerk. I'm sorry, but he cheated on you,,, got pissed when you didn't get over it fast enough to suit him, and then when you finally come around and heal, he has decided that he doesn't want to be "bothered" with being tied down? No matter that you're pregnant or not? Honey28, I'm sorry, but you can do Much better. This will all be okay someday, you have to trush God to take care of you. Or trust that you can take care of yourself. What a lowlife.... I dont' know what to say, except I wouldn't waste any more of my time, on someone who has cheated, lied, betrayed, and used me up, to that point only to say he wasn't to be "free" when he's go a whole family of kids to think of. He sounds like a child.... selfish child.


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

Marina you are right. I actually understand how he feels b/c as long as he's been "tied down" with me is as long as I've been tied down with him. And yes I could imagine this fabulous fantasy life of being single, making money, going and coming as I please w/ no accountabilities, but that is not real life. In real life, he and I both chose this lifestyle. We met in college and I really motivated him and encouraged him to pursue his dreams and to refine his style. We are in the same field and now his career has surpassed mine b/c when we started having children he worked more and I started to focus more on the homefront. Now he's on committee's that I'm not on, he got a promotion while I was on maternity leave, etc... and now he feels that being w/ me puts limits on him. He could "do better" there are "so many women" etc...he is really full of himself and to be honest I don't need him nor do I really want to be w/ someone who could be so selfish. But our children adore him and until this point he was the ultimate family man and father, he is now a person I do not know and frankly do not care to get to know.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Honey, how old were you when you two met and then got married??

I have some solutions for you....and your hubby.

Ask him, if he is willing to try and save this marriage, to give you some time and work it out.

Getting married young is extremely tough and often ends in divorce, since you did not "sow your wild oates"

and that is what he wants to do.

Now me and my wife, we been together since we were 19/18 respectfully, but went to college and got married after graduation when we were 26/25, so dated a long time, and went to schools in different states, so we had a "loose" relationship those years and sowed our wild oates, but remained connected.

What I want you to do...

Where do you live? near any big cities? We live near Atlanta, we have joined some groups that socialize, we go to different resturants and bars to meet other couples, We go to nightclubs and comedy shows, we go out and have ourselves a wild time with out our kids.

Hopefully you have family near by that can watch the kids.

Now you can start this while Pregnant, just no drinking, but you need to have date nights, you need to have some "wild times" together especially if you ahve couples you are friends with.

this marriage can be saved, your hubby is over whelmed right now, so are you. i suspect he still loves you, but is faced with the....

"this is all that life has to offer???" male question. We need adventure, wild times with friends, we need to be crazy once an a while.

ever been on a cruise? they are a blast, a weekend getaway? anything really wild?


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

we got together when i was 19, he was 20. we immediately moved in together b/c we were sooooo..... "in love." we had really rough times b/c my family didn't believe in shacking up so i was cut off financially and we basically took care of ourselves. he spent his twenties mostly working full-time, going to school, and providing for us. we had our first child at 23/24 and were married that same year. now we are 28/29. i know it's overwhelming, for me too-i just wouldn't leave my family to explore my selfish desires.


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## honey28 (Aug 1, 2008)

we get out, but not as much as we should. b/c babysitting is sometimes a problem we go out separately while the other parent stays home w/ the kids, rarely do we get to just go out together...i have been admittedly uptight since we had the kids and i often resent him for wanting to act like a "kid" and listen to rap music and hang out w/ his friends, etc...our last getaway alone was to las vegas in 2006. We have since taken our kids to disneyworld twice and on several weekend getaways, but never anything for just us! And we have no couple friends, which i have always thought was a problem, we both have friends but we don't hang w/ any other couples.


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