# Mlc?exit affair? Or just plain affair?



## Unhappy_girl (Aug 19, 2015)

Hi everyone, please help with advice.my husband and I are both 34 - we have 2 young children. 

Back in February - he dropped the bombshell that he was not happy, he loved me but was not 'in love' with me anymore, that he felt trapped and that we had isolated ourselves for 14 years ( we had been together for 14 yrs and married for 8 years). There was nothing bad about our relationship- no major concerns. We had a busy life with 2 young children - our youngest is 2 ( still always up at night, busy household etc) and we probably didn't get enough time to spend by ourselves, but I was busy being 'mummy' and we knew that this time wasn't going to be forever, and that it'd be worth it. I guess we both neglected each other a little ( but not with malice - only because life was getting in the way). 

These discussions went on over 2 weeks and he was suggesting that he needed space. I just didn't understand. I didn't think our problems were that big.we had a really good, solid relationship and I love him dearly. I thought marriage was for life, and thought he did too. He was being really cold and unloving. He called me manipulative and dominant ( which he has never called me in any argument before). I cried - He didnt care anymore. I suggested counselling - he refused. He said it was the end of the marriage. I kept asking how he Gould give up on a 14 tear relationship and he didn't care. When asked what about the children - he said ' as long as they have a mum and dad'. This was all so out of character for him. He just did not care, was emotionless and a completely different man. He just didn't want to try and said 'it was too late' and that our marriage was over.

He told me that he had broken down at work and told them of our marriage troubles! ( in only found out 2 weeks before, I didn't think we were in trouble!)

I founds a flirty Facebook message from a work colleague.
I realised he'd been taking his phone everywhere with him ( even the toilet). When I questioned him about who's txts I would find- he mentioned friends I knew, I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me if there was anyone else. He said 'no' then shouted' you think I'm having an affair?! You've hammered the final nail in the coffin' , then took his stuff and moved out. Next day he had deleted the iPad and changed all his email passwords.

A week later I returned home late at night ( he wasn't expecting me) to hear a conversation on loudspeaker where he and his colleague said ' I love you' to each other. 

I stormed in and questioned him. He said it is not an affair, he wouldn't tell me who it was and wouldn't say anything, it's like someone had taped his mouth shut and he just shook his head. He just said its a friend and that I wouldn't understand. Eventually I dragged out of him that it was this work colleague. There was no remorse, no sorry, no nothing. He did not care.

I emailed his work and let them know re: professionalism. A few days later we met up in the pub. He handed me a piece of paper showing how much he would be putting in the accounts. When I asked what's this ? Divorce? - he nodded. He was angry about the letter and said ' she was my friend' rather pathetically. I asked him if he was happy now - he said no.

I later found out that she was divorcing her husband too. She is nearly 10 yrs older. They have 2 older Boys. Apparently she was trying to sabotage their marriage also. Similar things said ' manipulative etc'

I found him one night at her house coming 'down' the stairs. Neither of them battered an eyelid that I was there. There was no remorse/excuses.

My husband kept denying it in all solicitor letters. I was concerned re the children. He wants EVERYTHING. HE had an affair, HE divorced me on false unreasonable behaviour grounds. HE wants the chikdren ( because I want to move away closer to family so he is taking me to court yo stop me) so he has applied for residency of the children if I want to move!. In court when the judge asked him - he finally admitted that ' a relationship had started within the last 4 weeks ( more like many months!). He is now seeing her and her boys with my 2 children on a regular basis, he doesn't care about quality time with the children. My children are confused. He is rubbing their noses in it( and mine). I hate it. I didn't deserve this. I have been a good wife and mother ( only guilty of neglecting him unintentionally because of our children).

He has wrecked everything. Is this just an affair? A exit affair? Or a midlife crisis? Will he ever come back? Will he ever come to his senses? I just can't accept that he would be having a sexual relationship with another woman even with the evidence. I am finding it so hard. Why is he being so nasty? Why hadn't he said sorry fir the hurt that he has caused? Am I at least not owed that even if he doesn't love me? Surely 14 yrs means something? Why is this happening to me?- I am not a bad Person. We had holes and dreams. We wanted more children and now everything is wrecked. Why does he want everything including the children too? The divorce and court proceedings were all issued very quickly within a matter of months. I hope someone can tell me what this is. X


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