# Asked for divorce, and NOW she wants to do counseling.



## Kaje77 (Dec 29, 2009)

My wife and I have had problems starting a few months after we got married (conflicts with my mom, then worse when she had conflicts with my sis-n-law). Been married three years now and dated for two years before that. She changed on intimacy shortly after wedding, then changed further when she fought with my family and started work in the ER. Understandably a difficult environment.

We've talked about our problems several times before, and each time she has been sad, apologetic, and promised to change each time. But never followed through. She would ask if I wanted to divorce her, and I said no, I wanted to work things out. So I feel she figured she didn't have to work on things any time soon.

I finally asked for a divorce this weekend, and I said couldn't wait any longer for her to change her habits. But the very next day she contacted three therapists/counselors to resolve her problems. My question is should I wait? How easily can her problems be resolved? Here's what they are:

Low libido - Shortly after wedding we were intimate only once a month. She claimed it was because of poor body image. She got a tummy tuck, arm reduction, breast enhancement. Since then we are intimate less than once every two months. I think she has something from her past that is hurting her worse than just low body image. I'm happy with how she looks.

Night Eating Syndrome - She eats 80% of her calories at night, usually in a "sleep walking" state. I've tried giving her books, counseling resources to call, advice from my own research. But she never followed up. She only further restricts her day eating to compensate. This uncontrolled night eating makes her gain weight which further hurts her body image.

Chronic Anxiety - Won't let past injuries go with family, so there's always a fight with sister-n-law, or mom. Always wants me to fight the battle for her pitting me against family. This anxiety also happens in similar fights at work or with friends. Basically little things are huge things (bills, house repairs, etc...We are in top 10% of income and have plenty of money to pay for any problem), and I can't support her. I can understand why she's upset, but not why she's SO upset. So then she's not only upset about the problem, but at me as well because I won't go to the same level of anxiety as her.

ER Job - Her job in the ER has made her jaded and an unempathetic person. She loves her job though and doesn't want to leave it. I'm a very peaceful person with a 'grin and bear it' attitude. She's very aggressive and wants to correct problems NOW (usually small ones that aren't actually urgent).

She had a hard life growing up (only child, divorced parents, poor family, poor parenting, overweight).

She has now made several appointments with a psychologist, and a counselor, a night eating syndrome clinic, etc. So as of today it seems like she plans on following through and working on everything. So the motivation of divorce may have woke her up. But there's so much there, I don't know if I can or should wait. Will she change? Since it's going to take a long time, should I go through with divorce and then reconnect after to see if she has changed.

She and I know I've been exceptionally patient and fair, but now I feel upset that she's suddenly decided to go to counselors/therapists to look into her issues. I'm afraid I'm going to be strung out again.


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