# Having kids in mid 30's



## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

Hi

How difficult is it for a woman to have a child in her mid 30's? I've read plenty online but was hoping to hear from someone who has been there. I think her only sister was about 30 when she had her third child, so she doesn't have any family members with experiance having a first child when they are a little bit older. 

She is 32 now, when we met 12 years ago one of her big dreams was to have kids. Long story short, I became ill and life changed a lot and her dreams got put on hold. 

I feel like we are finally getting close to the point where we are fully back on tract and could consider having kids in about 1 to 2 years.

So she would be looking at age 34/35 for having a first child.

When I've talked with her about it at this point, her main concern that she has expressed has been age (she does also have a concern about a back problem that might be made worse by carrying a child, I think she would be okay if she lost weight prior). 

I feel like she does want kids, but is mainly scared because of her age.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Women have children in their mid-30s all the time.

If you want to go for it, do it. Go see an ob-gyn to prep for it.


Of course, optimal fertility was prob in her late teens, early 20s, but it's more and more common now for women to have bebes in their 30s.

If weight is a concern, she can always work out/diet.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

My husband's mother was 40 when he was born.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I was 37 when I conceived my DS. I had been on a medication that I had to be off of for 4 months before we could start trying. We'd barely gotten the 'go ahead' and I was pregnant. Everything went fantastically. I did have to have a c-section, but I was totally fine with that. When I was a few months shy of 40, we decided to try for a 2nd. Got pregnant the 2nd month we tried. Unfortunately, that one ended in an early miscarriage, but according to my ob/gyn, most women have at least one in their lives (many don't even realize it), and he encouraged me to try again. But due to issues in my marriage, I didn't. 

Every woman is different, however. But as to just becoming parents in your mid-30's? It's done all the time!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Just re-read your post about the weight issue. I would totally recommend losing weight first. Not just due to back issues, but women who are older when trying to get pregnant have a higher risk of gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, and other issues than younger moms. Being in optimal health going into it is the way to go.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

angelpixie said:


> Unfortunately, that one ended in an early miscarriage, but according to my ob/gyn, most women have at least one in their lives (many don't even realize it)!


Yeah miscarriages are very common. I had one when I was 28.

Congrats on the little one you did have


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Just turned 11 last month! The apple of my eye.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Aww! And will always be your little one, no doubt!  Very cool! 

I am 32 now and not in a relationship. I wonder if it will ever happen for me. Maybe I could adopt one day, do it as a single mom? I am not sure I ever want to marry again.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I had 3 kids from ages 34-39 with no problems whatsoever. I am healthy and in good shape/ideal weight which helped.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If her health is good and for example, the women in her family at these ages...(no early onset diabetes, thyroid issues etc)... besides the concern with her back carrying the extra weight...

I wouldn't think there would be anything to worry about.. she could ask her OBGYN any questions.. I am sure he/she would  and offer great reassurance..telling her "get busy!"..... More women than ever are postponing having their 1st child..

I had 5 kids in my 30's...last 2 at age 37 & 40....everything ran as smoothly as our 1st in my early 20s.... I have an aunt who had her only at age 42... it's very common!


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

It is definitely more common for women to have kids in their 30s and 40s now. I can't even count the number of women I know that have had smooth pregnancies in that age range. However, there are certain risks associated with pregnancy at age 35 and over. I would advise your wife to talk with her OB-GYN (with you in attendance if possible) so you both are fully informed of any potential complications. I am by no means attempting to dissuade you; I just think it helps to be prepared.

Best of luck in your journey.


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## Microwavelove (Sep 11, 2013)

I am pregnant now with my third which will be here when I'm 34. Having a baby in your mid 30s is pretty common. You don't enter a high risk category until age 35, but still plenty of women have babies beyond that. I wouldn't be too worried!

Getting a good idea from a doctor if she has any specific risks would be helpful, and weight loss is probably a good idea, just to help ward off pregnancy complications.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

My mum had her youngest 2 in her mid 40's, apparently the pregnancies weren't anymore difficult than when she had me in her early 20's.


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

I had triplets at the age of 35.....my husband wanted more....and that's when I had the balls to put my foot down. 
I did have complications with the triplets but with all the advanced technologies and medicine.....I pulled through and the girls turned out healthy.
My MIL had my husband when she was in her early 40's and had his sister when she was 45. She still never had any complications at that age.


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## loopy lu (Oct 30, 2013)

Just had my 3rd 3 months ago. I am 36 on Sunday.

Twice I conceived first month. When I was 34 I conceived despite using the morning after pill within 24hours.


Wish hubby would get that vasectomy already.


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## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

An interesting question. 

My mom had me at 36.

The lady I'm seeing now would be around that age if we ever got married and had kids. She already has one and I hope she is OK with 1 or 2 more.


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## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

I will soon find myself in the boat to have kids in my 30's and am nervous about it. It's always best to check with a doctor for hormonal and fertility disorders and yes keeping your weight down is key. I am currently on track to get my weight down so I am healthier when I want to conceive.


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## Devotee (Sep 22, 2013)

I had my two girls in my 30's. No problems or complications here. It is quite common these days. I personally know ladies who had babies in their early 40's. It's doable. There will always be risks with increased age, but there are risks with every pregnancy.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I had my kids at 30, 33 and 40. I had absolutely no problem getting pregnant but my 1st was a premie, so with the 2nd and 3rd I was on modified bed rest. With my 3rd I had to see a perinatologist along with my regular OB and I was on weekly injections to prevent labor. Doctors could never figure out why I go into premature labor, just me I guess.


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## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

I dread the idea of bedrest :\


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I had my first at 34 and second at 37. My first took a while to conceive due to (non age related) fertility issues that were treated very successfully with acupuncture. 

My second was conceived on the first month of trying.

I had very healthy easy pregnancies. Two normal births, the second at home, breastfed both with no issues, didn't even get stretch marks. 

Most of my friends were at least 30 before they had their first baby. None had any issues conceiving. 

I would recommend your wife get into good physical shape before trying. Pit makes a big difference.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

I had mine at 23, 26, 39 and 42. All went well. I have more patience with the younger ones and are more financially stable. Pros and cons to be older mom but worth it in so many ways!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

reesespieces said:


> I dread the idea of bedrest :\


With my 2nd it was pretty boring. It was '97-'98 during El Nino, so it was raining all the time. Also it was during the whole Monica Lewinsky thing and I was glued to the T.V. news. Bedrest, gloomy weather, t.v. news is not a good combination. I became very fearful and didn't like leaving the house or when my husband had to go to work. I probably had a mild case of depression. I totally get why some people become shut-ins.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

reesespieces said:


> I dread the idea of bedrest :\


I recently saw a study that throws the whole idea of bedrest into doubt. There doesn't seem to be a lot of empirical evidence that it really does delay labor; but doctors and expectant moms are reluctant to let go of it as a practice, 'just in case' it really does help. Some physicians actually think it might be harmful since the mother gets virtually no exercise during strict bedrest, and when one isn't moving around a lot, there's always a risk of clots, pregnant or not. 

I always push for people to become as knowledgeable as possible about their own health, and advocate for themselves. The days of 'One size fits all' medicine are long past.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

My wife had her first child at 25 and "sailed" through it.

We had our first child when she was 36. Things went pretty well..

We had our last when she was 3 months short of 40. That one was a struggle. Had us on the edge of our seats the entire time.

But, the answer to this is... it's going to depend on your wife's health. If she's in good health. shouldn't be a problem.


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## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

Thank You for all of the responses. She is in good health other than a back problem, which is more of a physical problem with the disk slightly protruding. The back problem is non-surgical and she is on one medication for it.

If she loses weight, I'm sure it would help her back problem at lot, perhaps even make most of the pain go away. 

Thank You again for the reassurance. We have a couple other things we are getting taken care of in our relationship / lives before we can have a child, which is why I asked for around the 34/35 age range (she just turned 32 recently).

I was starting to fear that I had caused too much of a delay in having children and that she wasn't going to be able to due to age or that the risk was going to be very high. I do feel a lot better now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Now get started with the baby-making


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## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

I dread bedrest mostly because I have a condition which would already put me at risk for preeclampsia and gestational diabetes. I also have the tendency to get depressed and I know laying in bed almost all day would send me to tears. Also, the idea of putting on a TON of weight while pregnant scares me since it would just aggravate the previously mentioned issues. I am firm about getting into great physical shape by the time DH and I start baby making.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

My ex and I had ours in our 20's. Best time to have them in my opinion and she would say the same. Unfortunately, most women tend to underestimate the work and changes involved in having kids. When you are in your 30's it's even more profound given the changes you will have to make professionally among many other areas (socially etc). Getting up and nursing, changing diapers, running around (and I mean around the house, not like you're running around town etc) in a confined space will do a number on you.

Unfortunately, I go out and meet these single women in their 30's on a baby trip looking to latch on to any guy willing to settle and have kids....only to see them later overweight, depressed, and in some cases divorced.

I'm not trying to discourage you but your hormomes might tell you one thing while the reality is another. HAving kids is not something to be taken lightly .


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## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

That's like saying kids are the direct cause to being depressed, overweight, and divorced. :\ 

I think huge life changes, like having children may cause lingering issues to rise to the surface much faster. Having children doesn't cause divorce.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

My wife is 34 and pregnant with her first in her second trimester and all is well. I think in this day and age mid 30s is not an issue. Of course she should check in with a health professional before starting down the pregnancy trail. It took us a bit to get there and we were assisted by a fertility clinic but all is doing well.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

Once you hit 35, your chances of conceiving multiples goes up considerably...believe this maxes when a woman hits 40. So there's a good shot you will have an instant family.

I conceived twins at age 34 naturally....and was told that if we tried again after they were born, we were 4 times likely to have another mulitple birth. We had 3 by that point, so chose to stop there.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

reesespieces said:


> That's like saying kids are the direct cause to being depressed, overweight, and divorced. :\
> 
> I think huge life changes, like having children may cause lingering issues to rise to the surface much faster. Having children doesn't cause divorce.



No one said kids are the cause of depression or weight gain etc. The point here is to give it thorough thought in terms of lifestyle changes (often permanent) that have a direct corellation to having kids. You won't be going to the gym on your usual schedule anymore since now you have kids at home to care for (thats just factual), your hubby will be the one working hence he gets to leave i.e. get out of the house..no diapers, crying kids, etc. A grocery run becomes the highlight of your day and an opportunity to get out of the house...I could go on.

Again the point being more often the "idea" sounds good (hormones talking) but in practice the reality is different. Adequate preparation, careful thought, and ensuring thats not ones sole decision for getting into relationships are some critical factors. The whole biological clock / baby craze thing has gotten more women in trouble that society cares to admit. It sounded nice until you stared at yourself in the mirror one day and didn't recognize who you're looking at.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I was 35 when my daughter was born! Very healthy through the entire pregnancy, no sickness, and a very healthy baby! And I weigh less now than when I first got pregnant


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

southern wife said:


> I was 35 when my daughter was born! Very healthy through the entire pregnancy, no sickness, and a very healthy baby! And I weigh less now than when I first got pregnant


Nice! I do have to say you Southern Women never cease to amaze and impress me :iagree:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

southern wife said:


> I was 35 when my daughter was born! Very healthy through the entire pregnancy, no sickness, and a very healthy baby! *And I weigh less now than when I first got pregnant*


Of couse you do, you lucky b1tch! (haha take no offense to the B-word, I mean it in the highest of compliments cause you're a diva, SW!)


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

aston said:


> No one said kids are the cause of depression or weight gain etc. The point here is to give it thorough thought in terms of lifestyle changes (often permanent) that have a direct corellation to having kids. You won't be going to the gym on your usual schedule anymore since now you have kids at home to care for (thats just factual), your hubby will be the one working hence he gets to leave i.e. get out of the house..no diapers, crying kids, etc. A grocery run becomes the highlight of your day and an opportunity to get out of the house...I could go on.


Isn't all of that depending if someone decides to be a sahm, what agreement's you and your partner comes up with ect.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

TiggyBlue said:


> Isn't all of that depending if someone decides to be a sahm, what agreement's you and your partner comes up with ect.


Exactly! hence careful planning and managing expectations.


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## reesespieces (Aug 3, 2009)

aston said:


> No one said kids are the cause of depression or weight gain etc. The point here is to give it thorough thought in terms of lifestyle changes (often permanent) that have a direct corellation to having kids. You won't be going to the gym on your usual schedule anymore since now you have kids at home to care for (thats just factual), your hubby will be the one working hence he gets to leave i.e. get out of the house..no diapers, crying kids, etc. A grocery run becomes the highlight of your day and an opportunity to get out of the house...I could go on.
> 
> Again the point being more often the "idea" sounds good (hormones talking) but in practice the reality is different. Adequate preparation, careful thought, and ensuring thats not ones sole decision for getting into relationships are some critical factors. The whole biological clock / baby craze thing has gotten more women in trouble that society cares to admit. It sounded nice until you stared at yourself in the mirror one day and didn't recognize who you're looking at.


That's just life. For some of us it's more than baby craze or doing what society supposedly expects us to do. My biological clock is ticking rather loudly, so yes I want to have children even if it means I need to really manage my expectations or have a huge hit of reality. It's called growing up, right? 

Some of us have to live daily with the reminder that we might not be able to have children, so I find comments about the "realities of children" a little trivial. There's the realities of marriage, the realities of no longer being 20something, the realities of working 40-hour weeks, etc.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

My girls are nearly four and seven now. They are bliss. They are miracles. They are life-enhancers in every possible way.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

In a two parent mom-and-dad family we raised three kids to adulthood. Now with my second wife about to begin raising a fourth and I'm eagerly looking forward to it knowing full well the challenges it takes to care for and raise a child. Oh and had all my first three when both I and their mom were in our 30s. 

Some find parenting exciting and the best of anything they've ever done. Some find it exhausting and not at all what they expected. 

I can not extend my positive experiences as a parent to others nor can those with negative experiences really project their parenting reality on others. 

Germane to the OP's question, I can only say my experience having kids when the mom was in her 30s have been fine and generally the medical profession today would only say be cautious but by no means avoid having kids in your 30s. Socially and culturally the ideal age to have children may vary.


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## questar1 (Aug 4, 2011)

Had mine at 32, 35, and 38. No problems either conceiving or delivering. (Also did home births--way cool!) Their dad was 12 yrs older than me BTW so he was 50 when last one arrived. 

Babies come when they come. Have fun practicing, meanwhile... and coming up with names...


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I have three kids, the oldest is 23, and the youngest is 6 (all from my previous marriage). I had my youngest two days before my 40the birthday. The only downside was my energy level, whoa, the two youngest suck all of my energy, but they're super active.


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