# I've destroyed it all



## ILoveStars (May 29, 2011)

My mother was in a car accident Friday and my entire family and I were by her side. She has been improving but she suffered a setback recently. I hadn't ate all day yesterday so my sister told me to go with her husband aka my brother-in-law to get some food. He took me to get some food and to get a change of clothes at home. I started to cry at home in fear my mother wouldn't make it. He gave me a hug and let me cry in his arms. He started to cry too. He just kept saying she's going to be okay. Then he slowly pulled away from me, he looked into my eyes which were watery and I looked into his eyes which were watery. And we kissed, kissed. He picked me up and laid me on the bed. It just felt like comfort and we couldn't stop. We had sex. I had to go back to the hospital and act like it was nothing. How do I tell my sister the truth at a time like this? 

:scratchhead:


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Omg. I'm very sorry, but good luck.

I would wait until the crisis with your mom passes. Brave of you to want to tell her. Bil took advantage, but you went along with it. Your SIS needs to know what kind of man he is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

W.T.F.??!! 


ClipClop said:


> Your SIS needs to know what kind of man he is.


 Ya ... and what kind of SIS she has.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

I didn't think that needed saying. It is as obvious as he day is long.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbreaker (May 28, 2011)

IMHO It is more on his shoulders than yours he took advantage of you. You did however let it happen but you were weak and confused he should have known his limits. If he would do that with you then who else would he do it with? I agree with waiting to tell her until the time is . But when you tell her be honest and sincere She is your sister and should forgive you. Good Luck With the situation and I hope everything turns out well


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## Cypress (May 26, 2011)

There are huge emotions flowing when there is a crisis like your moms accident. You're boundaries were down, your head was spinning and you hadn't eaten in quite a while. I was in the same state when my dad died. 

You needed to be close to someone, anyone. He made the conscious choice to take advantage of the situation. You're not blameless in this, but he should have know you were distraught.

Wait a few days till the crisis passes, then tell your sister.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Yup.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

My read on this is that you two mutually did this, you were not taken advantage of.

The two of you did a pretty rotten thing together.

Pointing fingers at him as if you didn't choose this?

Sorry, I ain't buyin' it.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Nobody is saying she isn't culpable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Brings up interesting thoughts on the whole no contact thing. Thats gonna suck.


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## ILoveStars (May 29, 2011)

heartbreaker said:


> IMHO It is more on his shoulders than yours he took advantage of you. You did however let it happen but you were weak and confused he should have known his limits. If he would do that with you then who else would he do it with? I agree with waiting to tell her until the time is . But when you tell her be honest and sincere She is your sister and should forgive you. Good Luck With the situation and I hope everything turns out well


Thank you. I will wait. I just feel so bad inside.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I would probably talk to him about it and let that conversation help me decide what to do about any future disclosure. Only you can say whether it is appropriate to make the decision with him and act together. For me, this would depend on how much I trust him (clearly he has a serious strike against him). Obviously one option is to agree that it will never be discussed again and will never happen again. It just didn't happen. Go into denial. This is likely what he will want to do and COULD be the best option to minimize damage.

Considering the gravity of what happened (on the spectrum of cheating, this is about as bad as it gets), there are no good options and now it's time to try to do damage control.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

I wouldn't talk to him at all. This is a personal decision. And the sister deserves better than more deception.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm hoping this is a troll because of how wrong this is.



ILoveStars said:


> It just felt like comfort and we couldn't stop.


No. You could stop. You just chose not to.

My bet is (if this isn't a troll) there is a LOT more to this story than what is written here.

When my mother was hospitalized, the last thing on my mind was sex, and especially not with my sibling's spouse. Cheating is bad enough. Having sex with your sister's husband...reprehensible.

Hopefully the sister is told the truth and these two get outted for what they did.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

This sort of thing does happen. Suggesting someone is a troll is a way.of shutting the.person down. I really don't like that tenency around here.

We all get how wrong it was. That isn't in dispute. The thing to do now is to encourage her to do right by the sister she dis wrong. She will be punished enough in her family.

Another reason I wouldn't talk to bil is that he will want to throw the op under the bus. The person who tells first is the winner, if there could be a winner in such a disaster as this. It will start a **** storm, but that is life. There are consequences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ClipClop said:


> This sort of thing does happen. Suggesting someone is a troll is a way.of shutting the.person down. I really don't like that tenency around here.
> 
> We all get how wrong it was. That isn't in dispute. The thing to do now is to encourage her to do right by the sister she dis wrong.


Sorry Clip Clop, but there are such things as trolls. There are trolls everywhere. She may be, she may not be. I'd hope it was one. I realize this kind of thing does happen (nobody said that it didn't) and it's still f-cked up no matter how you slice is. The level of betrayal when a sibling f-cks their sibling's spouse makes this one of the worst kind betrayal ever.

I agree she should tell her sister so that her sister is aware of what happened. She is the innocent person in all of this.

And also I disagree with the poster saying she and the bro in law couldn't stop. That is ridiculous and one of the worst justifications ever.

People want advice, great. They also need to hear the truth.


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## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

my thought is 
she already wrecked something, you need to talk to him to never bring it up and if he ever cheat on your sister you will bring what happen with you to her. 
if your sister have kids, you dont want to destroy her marriage, just dont tell anyone.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

She has been given the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

I agree with JellyBeans on the part couldnt stop

they are not drunk, or on drugs, come on people.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Tourchwood said:


> my thought is
> she already wrecked something, you need to talk to him to never bring it up and if he ever cheat on your sister you will bring what happen with you to her.
> if your sister have kids, you dont want to destroy her marriage, just dont tell anyone.


I totally disagree. Never bring it up again? No way. 
She and he need to own what they did and deal with the consequences.

Yes, Clip--she has been given the truth by everyone on here.

Tell the sister today. Deal with the fallout. Don't sleep with your siblings' spouses in the future. If you repeat the same thing, it means you didn't learn your lesson. Get into counselling to see why in the world you think it would be ok to f-ck your sister's husband.

The Truth.


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

My take: there is a lot of backstory that is not being told. I don't think she should run to her Sis and unload her guilt but she needs to tell her sleazebag of a BIL that if he talks or tries it again she will destroy him. If the Sis finds out or suspects then you have to own it, but save spontaneous confessions for a priest.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

ILoveStars said:


> Thank you. I will wait. I just feel so bad inside.


Well I guess you did not feel too bad when he was inside of you now did you?
Did you use protection? Doubt anyone thought of a raincoat...
STD's? Pregnancy?

I wish you the best but I think there is much more to this story than this. I have a hard time believing you have not been flirting and playful with this guy in the past. You are both equally responsible in my opinion.
If I put myself in your shoes.. I certainly have thought about bonking my sister in law (she looks like my wife) but never ever would flirt or consider going there. Talk about a way to rip a family in half.. Geez. 
Although my sister did bonk her husbands brother and ended up with a child by him..... so I can see stuff like this happening.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Get into counselling to see why in the world you think it would be ok to f-ck your sister's husband.


I love this...lol


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

As soon as the crisis settles down a bit, I believe you have got to tell the sister, if nothing else because he's likely done/doing this sort of thing with others. 

Yes, it was a unique situation for you... you're not even close to blameless here. You could have stopped... at many points. He is LESS blameless; he saw an opportunity and took it. You 3 all have a rough road ahead. 

No way do you sweep this under the rug. Things like this have a way of coming out "later" and doing far worse damage than coming clean now.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

The sister is entitled to know, what her life is all about----That it includes a H., that cheats with in-laws---she is entitled to make AN INFORMED DECISION---about how she wants to spend the rest of her life----AND I DO NOT THINK THERE IS ONE POSTER HERE ON THIS BOARD THAT WOULD NOT WANT THE SAME CHANCE/KNOWLEDGE---to know what they are ACTUALLY dealing with as to their FUTURE


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

All choice are repugnant in this situation.

1. Don't reveal anything to your sister and spend a lifetime hiding the shame of it. And worrying about when your BIL reveals this despite you not saying anything. And, of course, when he does reveal it, his spin will be that you seduced him.

2. Don't reveal anything to your sister HOPING to spend a lifetime hiding the shame of it. But your BIL repeatedly gets you to have sex with him or he will tell her about your "seduction" of him. He gets you pregnant and/or infects you with an STD.

3. Tell your sister about what you did to betray her with her husband. Risk being ostracized by your entire family, and the fury of your BIL who will paint you as a seductress.

4. Don't reveal anything and spend a lifetime hiding the shame of it. And worrying about when your BIL reveals this despite you not saying anything. Success! But every time your sister confides in you that she thinks her husband is cheating on her, you have to say something supportive, knowing that you are one of the betrayers. One day she finds out he has given her an STD and/or has a child by some other woman. You know that you could have prevented this by warning her with your admission of guilt.


Your story is a complete tragedy.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Tell your sister she deserves to know. You really screwed up and I don't buy you were just upset. You had better apologize and examine your real reasons.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Other than the jaw dropping gasp which original came from me after reading the OP's opening statement for this thread, I'm just not even certain how to respond. :scratchhead:


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Guys your reaction to this is puzzling. When faced with the mortality of a loved one your emotions go absolutely bonkers. If he was crying too there is no way he took advantage of her. And what's more I think this is explainable due to the extreme emotinal stress they were both under.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

sinnister said:


> Guys your reaction to this is puzzling. When faced with the mortality of a loved one your emotions go absolutely bonkers. If he was crying too there is no way he took advantage of her. And what's more I think this is explainable due to the extreme emotinal stress they were both under.


Sure, nothing gets my libido going and inappropriate expression of it than major surgery of a loved one. The closer to home the hotter I get.

Sure.


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## ILoveStars (May 29, 2011)

First of all, I am not a troll. I came here for someone to talk to because I have no one else to talk to about this. Second of all, I love my sister and I am going to hate to tell her this. I was very upset. Sex was not on my mind it was comfort and I was emotional that night. And I have never flirted with my brother-in-law before. We were friends nothing more. 

I guess I came to the wrong place to ask a question for support. I will remember that in the future.

However, Thanks to the ones who did give me advice instead of insulting.


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## Ninja1980 (May 23, 2011)

Bottom line: you have to tell your sister. I honestly don't see how there are actually other options anyone could live with. Yes, it will suck and she will be very angry (understandably), but if you were in her shoes, wouldn't you want to know? I know I would.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I also agree that you must tell, it is the right thing to do. Accept that you will need to do some heavy lifting to repair your relationship with your sister and that it will take time and most likely more than one attempt.

Are there children involved? Also, do you have a H or SO?


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

This would make NC very hard my W My BIL. Fun. If he moved that quick on u then do you think you are his first extramarital conquest?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Again, I think there is a LOT more to this story than they were just crying to eachother and randomly had sex. Doesn't add up.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

Only two people know the real truth! Or is the saying there are three sides to every story His side , her side and the truth.
No matter what it is not a good sitution. And wether there is more to her side of the story or more to his, there is more to the story. If however that is her perception perhaps he is from one of the pickup artist schools and she is not his first extramarital conquest. Who knows.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

michzz said:


> Sure, nothing gets my libido going and inappropriate expression of it than major surgery of a loved one. The closer to home the hotter I get.
> 
> Sure.


Some people like country music. I hate it.

People are different. And you'll find peoples reactions to emotional trauma are VERY different.

Don't judge a person based on what YOU would do.


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## ILoveStars (May 29, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Again, I think there is a LOT more to this story than they were just crying to eachother and randomly had sex. Doesn't add up.



Except there isn't. Believe what you want to believe.


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## ILoveStars (May 29, 2011)

sinnister said:


> Some people like country music. I hate it.
> 
> People are different. And you'll find peoples reactions to emotional trauma are VERY different.
> 
> Don't judge a person based on what YOU would do.



Agree with this. Just like not everyone grieves the same.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

...It does seem like a troll though. Let me ask you- How are thing on the home-front? Do you still see DOUCHE-BAG BIL, or do you think he isn't a despicable person for taking advantage of your vulnerability. Either way, you're in for a lot of pain, beside your mothers terrible accident. You stand to lose everything now. What a ****ing cluster****! I really feel for your poor sister.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

So when the two of you went to his and your sisters home so he could change his clothes, you went with him into their bedroom as he was to change his clothes??? He then laid you on the bed. Why would you go into there and not wait in the living room?? :scratchhead:


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

"I love my sister."

I'd hate to see if she disliked her sister- Maybe videotape it.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

You were under extreme emotional stress. I am not sure if he was or was upset at you being upset. It does happen. I think it even has a name in psychology?

There must have been attraction there. Both ways, because you had sex together. Was there a bond beyond Brother In Law before?


I would not do or say anything right now. 
Do not be alone with him again. 
Try and avoid him for the time being.

Just until this crisis passes. You can decide how you are going to deal with this self imposed crisis as soon as this one ends.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

sinnister said:


> Some people like country music. I hate it.
> 
> People are different. And you'll find peoples reactions to emotional trauma are VERY different.
> 
> Don't judge a person based on what YOU would do.


Yeah because having sex with an in law is just a different reaction to emotional trauma and what a coincidence that they both reacted in the same exact way to HER mother's health issues!

I think the BIL should've waited in the car unless he was invited in.

You were depressed and very vulnerable (would've probably kissed anyone at that moment) and he did take advantage of you. 

I also think there might have been some kind of attraction between them before the accident, maybe mutual maybe not, because you don't just start having sex with a BROTHER in law out of the blue. I mean if it was your actual brother would you still "not" be able to stop?? 

As soon as everything settles with your mom your sister deserves to know who she's truly surrounded by so she can make the appropriate decisions and move on. 


P.S. for a sec there I thought she was a troll but only because I didn't see the avatar and I thought it was a guy lol


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I think you need to wait until the medical situation has some time to resolve itself, then tell your sister. Unfortunately, no matter what, you'll still be her sister, but the husband will probably become the ex-husband.

Believe it or not, this type of situation is not so uncommon. My wife's sister has slept with every BIL except me, and don't think she didn't try. Its not blatant, but a scumball like the BIL will not resist the vulnerability. Lots of grief has created lots of ex'es. I think you owe yourself an honest look in the mirror. Ask yourself if it was tryuly grief, or just the excuse to be close to someone in a time of crisis. Think about it: in a sense, your sister is losing her mother's health, her husband, and sister.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ahhhmaaaan! said:


> ...It does seem like a troll though.





cherrypie18 said:


> P.S. for a sec there I thought she was a troll but only because I didn't see the avatar and I thought it was a guy lol


That avatar is a picture of an actress. 

Grief-stricken or not, I do not buy at all that they just happened to end up in the same room, crying with bedroom eyes, laid on the bed and it fell in and they couldn't stop.

Um. Okay.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

ShootMePlz! said:


> So when the two of you went to his and your sisters home so he could change his clothes, you went with him into their bedroom as he was to change his clothes??? He then laid you on the bed. Why would you go into there and not wait in the living room?? :scratchhead:


No Columbo, they got something to eat, and they went to HER house, so she could change clothes. He approached her while she was in her bedroom.

I would love to know how this ends. To the doubters, i can't blame them, this reeks of a soap opera. "Baby i know you are hurting... but perhaps my p-nis will make everything OK."

I just know one way or another, not matter how this is spun, the OP just lost her sister. I just don't see how you can move past this, even if she forgives her, that relationship... will never be the same again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Rob774 said:


> *No Columbo*.


:rofl:



Rob774 said:


> I would love to know how this ends. To the doubters, i can't blame them, this reeks of a soap opera. "Baby i know you are hurting... but perhaps my p-nis will make everything OK."


:lol:

You guys are killing me today.




Rob774 said:


> I just know one way or another, not matter how this is spun, the OP just lost her sister. I just don't see how you can move past this, even if she forgives her, that relationship... will never be the same again.


I totally agree. Their relationship will never be the same again. And rightfully so.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> W.T.F.??!! Ya ... and what kind of SIS she has.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMH No excuse


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Thank you... Thank you...

I'll be here all day!


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

heartbreaker said:


> IMHO It is more on his shoulders than yours he took advantage of you. You did however let it happen but you were weak and confused he should have known his limits. If he would do that with you then who else would he do it with? I agree with waiting to tell her until the time is . But when you tell her be honest and sincere She is your sister and should forgive you. Good Luck With the situation and I hope everything turns out well


Thats crap. At any point she could have said NO. When she felt in happeing looking into the as "watery eyes". Him picking her up. Laying her on the bed, taking off the clothes and shoes I might add oh yeah and right before she alloweed him to stick his *&^% in her. Oh yeah she is just as much at fault....
More on his shoulder: BULL there both DEAD WRONG!!!

I've never had it done to me as I know of and I have never done it but I have a friend who's sister did it to her 3 different times because of that same reason. Their sisters hmmm yeah if that meant anything it would not have happen.I MHO


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## ILoveStars (May 29, 2011)

You'll never know how I felt because you were not in the same position I was. With that said you can believe what you want. I never had any sexual relations with him before or after.

I will have to live with what I did.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

ILoveStars said:


> You'll never know how I felt because you were not in the same position I was. With that said you can believe what you want. I never had any sexual relations with him before or after.
> 
> I will have to live with what I did.


Are you kidding?? I watched my father die but I didn't have sex with any of my in-laws. Five years later I watched my mother die but I didn't have sex with any of my in-laws. Three months ago I watched my wife deal with a deadly medical issue that kept her in the hospital for three weeks, but I didn't have sex with any of my in-laws.

You aren't the first person who has had to deal with one of lifes emotional issues, but you are the first person I know of who has dealt with that emotion by f**king someone else's spouse. Shame on you for thinking nobody knows what you could have been going through, and for thinking we are all too stupid to know that something else was brewing before this "opportunity" arose. You think we all just fell off the turnip truck??


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

Just my two cents here.......... I hate infidelity period end of story. But since this person was bold enough to post here she must be realizing the error and how screwed up it is so why wouldn't we all try to help each other and the lurkers by also offering constructive advice.

There probably was some emotional connection prior to.......... were they drunk? IDK? In the end it happened it shouldn't have but I bet she's not the first time he cheated.

Either party should have stopped it, it was/is wrong ya can't take it back you can only decide how you are going to cope with it.

I pray we all have strength enough to deal with this infidelity BS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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