# Back to TAM after a long absence, toxic relationship and trying to move on



## greenfern57

Ok I'm not sure where to start. I divorced about 6 years ago, am now amicable with my ex husband and we share custody of our 2 kids.

In the period after the divorce I went through a lot of "issues" as I guess most people do. Mine manifested in the recurrence of an addiction that I had many years ago. As part of that addiction I met a person who I became involved with (also an addict). He is a full time addict, has really nothing to over in terms of relationship, and has done some pretty terrible things to me such as stealing, threatening, etc. I'm struggling now to go NC with him and also to recover from my personal addiction issues. Looking for anyone in similar situation for just, idk. Sanity check, remind me why its better to move on, how dysfunctional the whole thing is.

I'm only about a week out from my last relapse so I'm feeling a little. Delicate. Thanks for reading.


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## GuyInColorado

Sorry you are here again. But it's a good sign that you are seeking help and recognize you have a problem and want to become sober.

You need to go to AA/NA meetings daily. Maybe more than once a day if you are really struggling. 

You must cut all relationships with addicts. Your addict boyfriend must be out of your life going forward. Change your phone number. Disable all social media accounts. Move to a new place if necessary. Get a new job. Make it impossible for this guy to find you. If all else fails, you get a restraining order and have him arrested. You know you both are co-dependent on each other and it's a very unhealthy relationship. It's time to get sober and live a fulfilling life.

There are medications that can help you battle drug addictions. You need to get into therapy and see a psychologist who can prescribe you meds if necessary. Probably some IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) treatment is needed. If you have a severe addiction, look into a 30 day Inpatient treatment program. If you can't stay sober more than a month, check yourself into inpatient please.

Good luck. Once you recognize that you only have the power to make yourself healthy and that self-control is possible, you will be able to conquer anything!


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## greenfern57

Thank you so much for the reply. The guy is not in my city (I had paid for him to come see me but he went back home after a particularly terrible relapse (by him - he was trying to stay clean but his addictions are far worse than mine), I drove him to the airport and made sure he got on the plane). I'm not on social media, we will never run into each other, I just need to get through I think a few weeks of NC and hopefully it will be ok. 

I have been (for the last two or three years) an infrequent user and I feel like I can manage my own issues if I can just get emotionally healthy and get past the guy. He sort of, as far as I can self-diagnose, a revisit to my teen years which is when I last had issues with this substance (a very long time ago). Its almost like an addiction to the addict? He is also a lot younger than me which trust me is not my thing. Sorry this is a little all over the place.


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## greenfern57

I was browsing some of the other stories on here. It is so obvious I just need to never speak to him again. I would not even give two thoughts to it if a friend told me this story. I just need to remember it when I'm feeling stressed and weak and want the comfort of probably the only person in my life who knows some of these issues I have been facing the last few years.


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## Satya

You need to ask yourself a serious question : Do I want to get better?

If the answer is yes, then you need to server ties with EVERYTHING from the life you are trying to leave. The only thing that should remain is a relationship with an AA/recovery group.

And be VERY cautious of finding new relationships there. My advice is, avoid them like the plague. When the time comes and you're clean for long enough and ready, you should be looking for a man who is completely free of any and all addictions.


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## notmyrealname4

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## Rowan

notmyrealname4 said:


> On no condition whatsoever go to NC with him.


She said she was struggling to "go NC" with him, not "go to NC" with him. NC, in this situation, means No Contact - not North Carolina.

And she should _definitely_ go no contact.


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## ButtPunch

greenfern57 said:


> Ok I'm not sure where to start. I divorced about 6 years ago, am now amicable with my ex husband and we share custody of our 2 kids.
> 
> In the period after the divorce I went through a lot of "issues" as I guess most people do. Mine manifested in the recurrence of an addiction that I had many years ago. As part of that addiction I met a person who I became involved with (also an addict). He is a full time addict, has really nothing to over in terms of relationship, and has done some pretty terrible things to me such as stealing, threatening, etc. I'm struggling now to go NC with him and also to recover from my personal addiction issues. Looking for anyone in similar situation for just, idk. Sanity check, remind me why its better to move on, how dysfunctional the whole thing is.
> 
> I'm only about a week out from my last relapse so I'm feeling a little. Delicate. Thanks for reading.


 @Ms. GP


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## turnera

What you need is something in your life that is filling your thoughts, your time, and your energy. Are you exercising in some way? Do you have a hobby? Are you volunteering somewhere? If you aren't doing those three things, your chances of changing are small.


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## Ms. GP

First of all, congratulations on your new found sobriety. I know how hard those early days can be. In February, I will have 5 years of sobriety myself. There's a saying in the recovery community, that sick people attract sick people, and right now (whether you realize it or not) your brain is very sick.

I recommend some women's only meetings for awhile. Feel free to PM me anytime.


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## notmyrealname4

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