# Does this make sense ???



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I need some insight from you guys....

When my husband told me he wants a divorce I noticed that he had changed password to his email account and won't leave his cell phone laying around anymore and I caught him texting....

When I confronted him about it he said that he's texting his therapist when he has certain feelings so he can evaluate them and then they can talk about it (he has depression, PTSD I think and some other issues with anger for instance)....

I was like he's working with you at 10:30 at night ??? and he said no, the texts go to his email and he's checking them when he's back in the office....and he does not want me to share this information with you.... (pretty much so I can't manipulate him and his process he's making with the therapist)

When I asked him about why he's changed his email password and won't let me have his facebook information, he said when I decided to end this between us I wanted to END it....meaning cutting you out of my life, my personal life, that's why.....

Do you guys think I have reason to doubt that or can you relate ???

He did give me the password for the phone records shortly BEFORE he told me he wants a divorce, but I forgot the information or I would try to check it....

If he was having an affair, wouldn't he have tried to hide it too ???

I'm so confused  !!!!!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

He's very likely cheating.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

This is rather easy. Contact the therapist. They can not give out confidential information about the therapy with your husband, but you can ask a question like this: 

"I have observed that my husband has password protected his email, his PC, his cell phone and all of his accounts to prevent me from seeing what he's doing. I asked him about this and he said he is texting you in the middle of the night when he has certain feelings so you can evaluate them with him. He also said that he texts as the feelings occur and that you get them when you check email next time you're in the office. What I would like to know is whether this is your policy and if it is a method you use in therapy with your patients? Yes or no will be fine." 

This way the therapist can say to you: "Yes this is a method I use that I've found useful" or "No I don't use any method even remotely close to that." 

Your husband does have a right to have his personal sessions private, but what he's using sounds 100% like an excuse for an affair to me. Thus, you're not asking for specifics or about confidential topics, just "Do you ever employ this type of modality in your therapy? Yes? Okay great thank you!" Personally I think it's :bsflag:


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I know it all sounds fishy....that's why I have doubts too, but he sounded very sincere when we were talking about it...

He's not the cheating kind, he's not a flirt and never goes out.....

He's already told me he's got no love other than that being the mother of his children for me anymore and he's still dead set on divorce......why can't he just admit it then....

I told him he'd have it easier getting the divorce admitting if there's an affair because I'd not want to be with him anymore.....instead of me trying to convince him that he's making a mistake.....

Texas is a no-fault state so no matter what, I can't prevent the divorce....

And he knows that I don't want half of the house because I've contributed nothing to it.....more like the opposite I got into debt.....

All I want from him is that he's taking care of his sons .....


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

He might be having an affair, he might not be. he might have a friend whom he's talking to about divorce and getting support from. From all you know, it could be a male and he could hide that because he doesn't want you to see he's suffering. The therapist thing is possible as well because he might be going through a rough period when he needs to talk to somoneone constantly. 

My question to you is why do you care if he's having an affair or not? If he's set on a divorce and you can't do anything about it, unfortunately you're going to have to let him go. From that point on, if "All I want from him is that he's taking care of his sons" this is true, then just be nice and mature to him and set some rules of what his responsibilities will be regarding the kids after you guys split.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

For the sake of discussion, let's assume that there is an affair. He won't admit to it because he wants this divorce to go smoothly. If he admitted to an affair, he knows that it can-and will-be used against him, and he's afraid of losing his shirt. My uncle's a divorce attorney, and he says there is a double standard when it comes to affairs. When a wife cheats, it's because she was unfulfilled, feeling trapped and desperate, or the judge assumes that the husband was either abusive or just a schmuck, and he drove the wife into the caring arms of another man. Why else would she have an affair?
But when a husband cheats, it's because he is a selfish, uncaring jerk who abandoned his family and put his poor wife thru hell for his own selfish pleasures, and he must be punished-and always in the wallet.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

First, I would believe the thinking about sharing his discussions with his therapist with his wife and her trying to manipulate the situation. My wife tried that after I mentioned one conversation I had with mine and that was the last time I shared the discussions with her.

Second, he could also be conversing with an attorney and if you two are getting a divorce, those conversations/texts/emails are none of your business.

Finally, trying to read his emails/texts is just trying to be controlling. You're getting a divorce, just let it go.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Thanks guys !!!

It bothered me so much that I talked to him right after posting.

He knows he can trust me in regards of me not trying to screw him over in the divorce.....

Why it would make a difference....if he was indeed cheating it would make our past-divorce not as (best) friendly as planned....

I'd still be civil with him, but not close as he and I wish to be.....sounds stupid, but that's how it would be....

We've talked and I believe him that it is all the way he said it is....no affair, but a lost of shame (on his part) about his condition he's in....

Anyway...I'm feeling better about it and we'll just leave it at that....

Thanks :smthumbup: !!!!!!


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