# So lost right now!!



## Pr3lude (Sep 26, 2015)

Hi everyone my wife just dropped a bomb on me and said she wants to separate..and she needs space to rly know if she loves me..been 3 weeks now and she finally told me she was texting another dude...and that's that she don t wanna go to mc don't want to talk about it and refuse to do anything..this so call faceless guys lives in Canada and we live in mass..she saying he is rich can give her anything in the world...I just so out of it we still live in the same house..I buy her stuff she needs go out with her and the kids..but yet she don t wants to save our marriage...she gets mad when I talk to her bout it and all she tells me is that she wants to go with the flow and get her feet wet..WTF does that mean? One time she told me that she still has love
For me but yet still nothing? Even after she told me that she wants to know if she still loves me..she confusing the hell out of me..she got mad one time cause I ask her what she thinks about me trying a dating site and she flip telling me to file and if I don t she will..but it was just a question and yet it's ok for her to text
This guy day and night right in front of me laughing it up...I'm so lost and hurt we have two kids ...I'm 32 and she is 31 and this dude is 24!!!
Idk what to do anymore I don t wanna leave my kids I love her to death but she don t feel the same..prob cuz of this guy?

Please help me please shine some light for me
On what to do
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Pr3lude said:


> Hi everyone my wife just dropped a bomb on me and said she wants to separate..and she needs space to rly know if she loves me..been 3 weeks now and she finally told me she was texting another dude...and that's that she don t wanna go to mc don't want to talk about it and refuse to do anything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She will only hurt you. She wants the other man. Please detach from her hurtful behavior and read about the 180.

You have no other option right now. Avoid complicating your life by getting on a dating site and seeking affection elsewhere. It will only complicate your life and fix nothing.

Go to counseling to help you get better. If you are already separated, it makes it easier to detach. Love your kids and get the love and affection you need from them. They need you and you need them.

Strengthen that bond with them, forget about your wife if not mentally, at least physically.

Bibi


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## Pr3lude (Sep 26, 2015)

Where can I read this 180 I ve been seeing a lot?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pr3lude (Sep 26, 2015)

I really lost on what to do....will it work out for her long distance? Should I have patience? Should I just leave the house? I'm so tired and I forgot to mention I'm taking depressing mess now..it's just tearing me apart is it right for a women to do that to a man ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Pr3lude said:


> Hi everyone my wife just dropped a bomb on me and said she wants to separate..and she needs space to rly know if she loves me..been 3 weeks now and she finally told me she was texting another dude...and that's that she don t wanna go to mc don't want to talk about it and refuse to do anything..this so call faceless guys lives in Canada and we live in mass..she saying he is rich can give her anything in the world...I just so out of it we still live in the same house..I buy her stuff she needs go out with her and the kids..but yet she don t wants to save our marriage...she gets mad when I talk to her bout it and all she tells me is that she wants to go with the flow and get her feet wet..WTF does that mean? One time she told me that she still has love
> For me but yet still nothing? Even after she told me that she wants to know if she still loves me..she confusing the hell out of me..she got mad one time cause I ask her what she thinks about me trying a dating site and she flip telling me to file and if I don t she will..but it was just a question and yet it's ok for her to text
> This guy day and night right in front of me laughing it up...I'm so lost and hurt we have two kids ...I'm 32 and she is 31 and this dude is 24!!!
> Idk what to do anymore I don t wanna leave my kids I love her to death but she don t feel the same..prob cuz of this guy?
> ...


She wants to go for a test drive. She is keeping you around for now as plan b. She is caught in the euphoria of affairland where everything is perfect which of course it never is. 

Much of the advice you will get goes against what your emotional heart is saying but if you take a step back and let your rational brain think it makes sense. Right now she has all the power in the relationship. You have given her no consequences for her actions. 

You should seek legal advice and most likely file for divorce. She needs to see this is a dealbreaker for you and you will no longer tolerate the situation. 

The longer situations like this go on the harder it is to save a marriage. Her fantasy land needs to start having real world consequences. Affairs are "perfect little worlds" and thrive on secrecy and the illusion of how great the relationship is. 

You aren't the one trying to break up the family, she is with her actions. She is unwilling to work on marriage not you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

See your old lady didn't think you were going any were, but when she thought you were going she freaked out. So this is a classic case of showing her the tough love you need to show her.

Inform her you will not control her and she can make her own choices. so smile wish her the best and just let her go.

Just like her, you too can make your own choices in what you will tolerate from a wife and sharing her is something you will no stand for, so just let her go.

Ya it's hard to fake this when you love her so much, but she most see and confident man that can let her go.....it just might save your marriage.

Face it , women like confident men, so please pull your self out of this funk and show your wife you are confident enough to not have to share her with another man.

She needs to see the new reality that her choices will bring her when you are no longer going to tolerate her crap, like going out with the lids with out her and working on your self by raising your attraction level.

The confidence you show her will get her to think twice in what she is losing.

You must fake it to make it so start making her second guess her choices by letting her go with a smile on your face.....again it could save your marriage.

So again the big question is...what have you done to make her think twice in what she is about to lose?

BTW, good move on telling her you want to date other women.....now start acting like you want to date other women by having the balls to stop letting your cheating wife control you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your wife trips out when you are honest with her about seeing other women, but yet your beg and plead for a marriage filled with deceit from your wife....were is the anger man?

When I was going through this crap 5 years ago there was no way my old lady was going to know how depressed I was...my point...chicks dig confident guys!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Remember, this isn't all about her. You have choices too. you have the choice not to share your wife with another man. You have a choice to be with someone that is capable of this kind of betrayal or not!


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
I have learned in my time here on TAM that certain things that people say have alternate meanings. For instance, when a spouse tells you they "love you but are not in love with you" that translates to "I am done with you and ready to move on". Likewise I have seen that when a spouse says they want a separation so they can "figure things out" that means that they want to experiment with other people and the act of separation, in their mind, absolves them of any and all commitments to the marriage. A hiatus from the marriage, if you will, wherein they have complete freedom and no guilt.

Your wife has detached and is looking. As you have been advised already, although it seems counterintuitive, your highest probability of success lies in the implementation of the 180. It may cause your wife to see that she no longer has control over you and that she may indeed lose you. People often want what they cannot have and by making yourself "unattainable" it may increase her desire for you. It is your best chance in this situation.

The good part is that it also helps you detach so that, in the event she is completely gone, you are in a much better place to begin moving on without her. It is regrettable, but we cannot force another to feel for us as we do for them. If she has truly lost all feeling for you then there is really nothing you can do but move on. However know this, there are women out there who would appreciate an honest, hard working, dedicated man and would actually appreciate you for what you bring to a relationship so take heart, all is not lost if she decides to pursue this 24 yo in Canada.


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

Your wife is jerking your chain. If I were you , I'd be mad as hell. I'd take her phone and smash it against the wall, dump it in water, burn it in the fireplace - AFTER you download all of the data from it.

She needs to know you will go nuclear on her ass. Or else she won't stop.
If she wants to leave, help her pack.
If she doesn't want to leave but still wants to keep this guy, drop divorce papers in her lap, and tell everyone what she is doing. Then go 180 and prepare to be single. You will feel a lot better about yourself.


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## Pr3lude (Sep 26, 2015)

It is just rly hard cause of my grls don t wan t them bouncing around


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## Pr3lude (Sep 26, 2015)

Going to do the 180 move... F IT!!!!


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Her story, hence your's, does not ring true. 32 year old women tearing it up with a 24 old rich died from another country, who she has never meant? In any event here os my suggestion 

She is in the fog. When in the fog they hate you, demean you, and can do and say anything. Use the fog to obtain the best terms possible for a divorce. It wasn't this guy it would have been another.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It means she'd like you to wait while she tries this dude, this way if it doesn't work she can come back. 

You seeing other women could fvck that up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

24 year old rich dude? Is the OM already a world renowned brain surgeon? Your W is being taken like a sucker. Apparently your W does not understand what an emotional affair is. Explain it to her and expose what she is doing to all family members. Exposure helps clear the fog.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I would file just to show you mean business but this is the most important thing, make sure when you file she can not leave the country with your girls, so if she wants to go let her go alone this way the girls stay with you...and once she leaves the country you can go after abandonment, thus ensuring that you hold custody, and for god sake don't tell her that...she is in a fog, and she needs to learn the hard way....either way you are NO PLAN B.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Your best and only option is to get a copy of her texts and

EXPOSE
EXPOSE
EXPOSE

To everyone. That'll bring it to a head!!! Being indecisive will put you in a losing position here.

She's mocking you to your face you have nothing to lose. Man up or suffer the consequences.

Protect your finances. Sounds like she's nuts.


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## Pr3lude (Sep 26, 2015)

Thank you all for the help and support and Imma do the 180 and see how things go...will update asap


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

_w_


Pr3lude said:


> Thank you all for the help and support and Imma do the 180 and see how things go...will update asap



Bust her with exposure! Go right at her. It usually stops the affair immediately if it can be stopped. From what you're writing you have nothing to lose. Man up!!!!!!!!


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> It means she'd like you to wait while she tries this dude, this way if it doesn't work she can come back.
> 
> You seeing other women could fvck that up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What lifeistooshortsaid.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Catfish.


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## Pr3lude (Sep 26, 2015)

Hey guys well....she now is getting a job...I really need any suggestions on if I should move out and let her do her own things and pay for her own stuff...I don t want to be known as abandon my kids when I file.. Don t know what the right thing to do...stay I. The same house and suffer or take my things and leave? She still talk to this dude and told me she wanna give him a chance I ve ask her. She told me it hard for her and she is stressing and I ask her what's hard? Is it hard cuz she wanna be with him but yet don t wanna take the kids from me? Or is hard cuz she don't know if she wanna be with him or me? Her response was she don t know? How do I move on? If I don t wanna abandoning my grls? Please any suggestions would help


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## Pr3lude (Sep 26, 2015)

Btw none of my family knows...and if I try to mention about letting our family know she gets upset. I wanna help with making payments on bill but she refuse to let me help..she still hugs me and gives me a kiss when I'm asleep...she has no problem changing in front of me ..I rly don t know what she is doing...it's giving mix emotions she still wears her ring telling me she don t want ppl to know she is single? I try my best to ignore her... Lol idk what to do?


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Stop protecting her and her secret boyfriend. Tell everyone, let her deal with the consequences. Right now you are making it easy for her.


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## Pr3lude (Sep 26, 2015)

How long do separation last and do couples going thru this ever get back together?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

1. Do NOT move out. SHE wants the affair, SHE wants her freedom, SHE wants to have her cake and eat it too. SHE has chosen to leave the marriage, so SHE should be the one to move out.

2. Talk to a lawyer, see what your rights and obligations are as a father, then file D papers ASAP. This will show her that you really mean business.

3. Expose to everyone. She wants you to keep your mouth shut so that she won't look like the b*tch who abandoned her family for a sugar daddy.

4. Take care of yourself and your kids.

5. When her little fantasy world comes crashing down (and it will!) and her prince charming turns out to be a drug-addicted loser or a zit-faced 17 year old playing around, and then she tries to come crawling back, take her back on YOUR terms, not HERS. She has already shown you what HER terms are, and look where you are now.

6. To be frank with you, I don't know why you'd want her back. She has already shown that if she thinks that there's a better deal out there, she'd be gone.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

LISTEN TO F-102 AND DO WHAT HE SAYS OR YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING INCLUDING YOUR SELF RESPECT! Do it man........AND NOW! Hit her like a hurricane!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to sse an attorney now. He can fix it where she can't take your kids out of the state.

Tell her folks what's going on. Tell her she needs to be the one that leaves.

See what you can find out about the other man. He sounds like a fake and she's being pranked.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Betrayedone said:


> LISTEN TO F-102 AND DO WHAT HE SAYS OR YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING INCLUDING YOUR SELF RESPECT! Do it man........AND NOW! Hit her like a hurricane!


:iagree:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Pr3lude said:


> Hey guys well....she now is getting a job...I really need any suggestions on if I should move out and let her do her own things and pay for her own stuff...I don t want to be known as abandon my kids when I file.. Don t know what the right thing to do...stay I. The same house and suffer or take my things and leave? She still talk to this dude and told me she wanna give him a chance I ve ask her. She told me it hard for her and she is stressing and I ask her what's hard? Is it hard cuz she wanna be with him but yet don t wanna take the kids from me? Or is hard cuz she don't know if she wanna be with him or me? Her response was she don t know? How do I move on? If I don t wanna abandoning my grls? Please any suggestions would help


Your W is confused. She can move out. As far as the kids...who said she would be getting custody??? You can't make her stay but you can tell her she can go see this OM but NOT AS YOUR W! Seek a lawyer. 



Pr3lude said:


> Btw none of my family knows...and if I try to mention about letting our family know she gets upset. I wanna help with making payments on bill but she refuse to let me help..she still hugs me and gives me a kiss when I'm asleep...she has no problem changing in front of me ..I rly don t know what she is doing...it's giving mix emotions she still wears her ring telling me she don t want ppl to know she is single? I try my best to ignore her... Lol idk what to do?


Poor thing...your W gets upset if you say your are going to advise her family of her infidelity??? To bad...your W brought it on. Expose the affair sir...expose.... Take control man. Make this affair nothing but a pain in her arse. Exposing helps clear the fog of "I don't know." nonsense.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Pr3lude said:


> How long do separation last and do couples going thru this ever get back together?


Separations have no time clock. Yes, some couples get back together. Many move on to find someone who respects them.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Pr3lude said:


> Btw none of my family knows...and if I try to mention about letting our family know she gets upset. I wanna help with making payments on bill but she refuse to let me help..she still hugs me and gives me a kiss when I'm asleep...she has no problem changing in front of me ..I rly don t know what she is doing...it's giving mix emotions she still wears her ring telling me *she don t want ppl to know she is single*? I try my best to ignore her... Lol idk what to do?


If you two have not filed final D papers then SHE IS NOT SINGLE. Make this very easy for her. Tell her she has a simple choice to make. Stay in a loving family with a H who cares for her and children who love and need her or light the match to the dynamite that she is playing with.

Tell her if she chooses the dynamite that you do not want you or the children to be hurt so you are filing for D immediately and you will take the ring off of her finger. She is playing with your emotions in an attempt to have you as a fall back in case the 24yo "rich dude" decides he wants a 24yo dudette and not a thirty something mother with no integrity. Be strong for you children.


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