# My first ever post



## empty3 (Mar 12, 2013)

This is the first time I'm writing on any type of forum and I'm feeling quite anxious about what type of communication will follow. But, I have faith that I will get support and good advice. Fact of the matter is I need it right now. I'm totally lost and confused and have been unhappy for some time. 
I have been married for nearly 9 years and have 2 children. My husband has good character traits and this is why I married him. He is kind, generous and a great father. He is stable and I feel a sense of security with him. I always maintained that it's not neccessary to be "in love" with your husband, I've always believed that it's more important to have a good man which he is. 
I dont think he was passionately in love with me either when we married. We were a good fit. Similar backgrounds, religions, culture, community etc. He saw a "good wife" in me and knew I'd fit into his surroundings fairly easily due to my adaptable nature. Basically, I was young enough (10 years age difference) for him to take the lead and for me to be introduced to his world and his way of doing things. I was happy for this to happen. He taught me alot and opened my eyes to a bigger and more interesting way of looking at things. Occasionaly, this would lead to arguments as I would feel insecure and complexed about things, but generally he was kind and nurturing and took great pride in showing me new things.
We decided to move away from home to another country (to be closer to his parents) when we started our family. All was well for the first few years as was busy and distracted being pregnant. I still managed to keep my hand in work as that's always given me my identity, but predominantly, I was a housewife and mother.
I started to feel isolated and unfulfilled. My husband became extremely emotionally unavailable. I was in a deep sense of lonliness and felt unsatisfied, unheard and dismissed most of the time. Started feeling worthless and my confidence decreased significantly. Any time I'd complain or ask to discuss our marriage I would be dismissed as a "bored housewife" and was told to go and occupy myself and not bother him. There was a huge disconnect there and I felt totally alone, which I was. No real friends or family to reach out to. He would tell me I'm needy and demanding (which I probably was) and that I'm incompetent and incapable of being and coping on my own (whilst he travelled for work) and would cite several women who cope and manage better than me. I went through the motions and kept positive being thankful for a nice lifestyle and 2 beautiful kids, still all the time feeling terribly empty and sad.
During this time, I developed an unhealthy attachment to another man. He became my friend and I quickly started depending on him for all my emotional needs. Nothing ever happened between us and he lives in another country, but for 2 years almost he became my confidante and my best friend. He filled a void and helped me function in my everyday life. I feel like a coward and I'm ashamed of myself for not dealing with my marriage issues instead of running away from them. I hope I'm not judged on this behaviour. I'm truly sorry and regretful for allowing this to happen and not being mature enough to face my problems like a woman. 
I am no longer in contact with this person. I decided I needed to stop being such a loser and face up to my situation and deal with it like a grown up. I really want to work things out with my husband and I want us to be a family. I've been trying for several months now to communicate my needs etc but it falls on deaf ears. He thinks I'm too emotional and always in need to "talk and discuss". he's not much of a talker. Things are fine for a few days, then we end up having a huge fight over something or another, usually about our different ways of handling things. I don't "feel" loved although objectively I know he does. I'm so detached and unhappy. I cry all the time and I just can't seem to get close to him.
I'm hoping to get some positive support here. Please do not judge me. Any advice to make things better and how to go about it would be appreciated. Thank-you everyone.


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## michelle13 (Oct 23, 2012)

Communication is the biggest issue that I see. If you guys could work on your communication then perhaps the rest would fall into place. The issues that you have will only get worse if there is no communication, how can he know what the issues are to fix if he doesn't know what they are? or how much they mean to you.
I don't mean to judge you but you going outside your marriage to have your emotional needs met is considered an Emotional Affair. You have to prepare yourself for how that will make him feel. Good Luck with everything.


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## LifeIsAJourney (Jan 24, 2013)

Write him a letter. 

This is something my therapist suggested when my husband and I couldn't communicate. Tell him what is going on and tell him the whole truth. 

And, for what it is worth, I'm not one to judge. I had an emotional affair for over six months. My husband found out about it by hacking into my computer and finding the completely unexpurgated version of the letter I had been writing. I had a complete list of all of my complaints about him as well as a full disclosure of my EA.

I was relieved he found out. And surprised when he didn't just walk out on me. Without the full admission I'm not sure he would have ever admitted we had any problems at all.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Wow, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so rejected, isolated, that your loneliness is compounded by your H dismissing your feelings and making you feel like your loneliness and needs for emotional support and comfort are the problem. Because the problem is that your needs have gone unmet, ignored, minimized and even dismissed as crazy.

I completely disagree that you had an emotional affair. This attachment you had to your pen pal didn't CAUSE the distance in your relationship, it came about because that distance was already present and it was hurting you. It came about because you had unmet needs. It came about because your efforts to get your needs met didn't produce results. An emotional affair is what CAUSES the distance, not what happens due to the presence of distance. So, no, you didn't have an EA. You needed to connect with someone, your husband turned you away, so you connected with someone else.

As you can tell, I'm not a person who tows the party line here on this forum.

So, you ended that emotional connection with the other man, you have tried to focus on getting your needs me by your husband and so far nothing has worked. You are still lonely, isolated and need of an intimate satisfying connection that makes you feel loved, wanted and cared about. Does that sum it up?

Take care of yourself first. You need friends. You need someone in your corner and it would help if that person was "marriage friendly" due to the fact that you are vulnerable right now. What are some activities you enjoy? Can you do them more often?

How often do you and your H spend time together without kids? When you do spend time together are you two focused on each other? It is suggested here that 15 hours each week, together, no kids, no TV. 15 hours each week in which you and H focus on each other, your relationship, meeting each others need and connecting on an intimate level.

Could you arrange for that to happen? 

Can you identify any needs you H has that might be going unmet?


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## empty3 (Mar 12, 2013)

Thank-you so much for your replies. I really appreciate your advice. Coffee4me, everytime i speak to my husband he says exactly what you said. He doesnt have time for me and my issues as he's too busy making a living for his family. I understand that and I also understand that I'm draining him and coming across clingy and unattractive. Thing is, isn't it reasonable that I can expect some connection from him? What hurts the most is the dismissing of my feelings, like I'm insignificant. I realise I have self-esteem issues here and I'm working on them. What my friend did for me is validate and acknowledge me. he thought I was intelligent and valued my opinions and the way i viewed the world. My husband and I are just so polarised in our views. he's all about making money and i'm a humanitarian. It frustrates me, but then again as he says i dont have any financial responsibilities which allows me the luxury to think like a humanitarian?!
I think i crave his attention and go about it the wrong way. funny enough, spending time with the other man was a way of making me less emotionally needy on my husband and we functioned much better. Fewer arguments and I was "off his case". I'm a little confused about the EA thing? Isn't it just semantics? Whatever label we put on it, it was wrong for me to get so close to another man as a way of coping. I will never do it again. I really miss our chats and the bond we had but I view him as someone that helped me cope, albeit in an unhealthy way.
The crux of it is I need to find some purpose and meaning in my life. Right now I have none. I am focussed on my kids and thankfully they are doing well. I have domestic help which leaves me with spare time. I work part time and help out at school. I don't have any friends and that's something I need to work on. I don't trust very easily. Our social life revolves around his family and our kids. I get resentful when he travels for work as I feel abandoned. I feel so pathetic and I was never like this. I used to be confident and charming. Now I'm just whiney and depressed.
Is this a lifestage? is it cos our kids are young etc? He is baffled as to why I get so depressed. According to him, I should be the happiest woman on Earth to have freedom and time to do as I please. He just doesnt get it. He cant fathom why the kids dont fulfil me enough. They do, it's just that I need more. 
What i need is some honest feedback please. Am i exagertaing his lack of attention? is it all in my head cos I'm so unhappy? Or is he voiding himself of any effort to try and meet my emotional needs? As I read this, it sounds so selfish; me, me, me.. when did i become so self-absorbed


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Welcome and congrats on your decision to end that other friendship and focus on your marriage. 

I would encourage you to communicate your needs in a way that makes sense to your husband. Many men are not talkers, but they learn very quickly what you will and won't accept simply by watching how you act. 

If he does something you dislike, let your actions demonstrate that you don't accept it. You do not have to talk or argue to make your point. 

For instance, since he is emotionally unavailable, find ways to let him experience what it's like when his spouse is unavailable to him. Make plans that exclude him. Don't talk about what you're doing. Just do it. When he starts feeling alone and lonely, you'll discover that he'll magically find the words you've been saying to him all along, and you can ask him what he thinks the solution is. Then tell him that is what you're going to hold HIM to.

ETA: He thinks you should be happy because you have all that freedom. That's just what he needs to see... give him all that freedom and STOP doing whatever it is you do for him, then say, "But why are you unhappy? You don't need anything from me, do you? Isn't that what I've been hearing when I ask you to help me with my needs? I'm confused. Please explain."


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Reading around on this website might deepen your understanding of marriage and the problems people have, help you pick up ideas which might work for you.

I like the books the Five Love Languages and His Needs Her Needs. They will work best if you can persuade your husband to work with you on them but even without that they might help you see more clearly what you want from your marriage.

And, no, you do not come across as at all unreasonable. Everyone who marries has a right to expect their spouse to work at meeting their needs, but it does of course cut both ways. 

Best wishes


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## empty3 (Mar 12, 2013)

Thank-you for your support. I have tried on numerous occassions to get him to undertsand my frustrations. I've been brainwashed to think I'm being unreasonable and difficult. He listens, but to him, they are just "issues". To me they are real concerns and things that I deal with. I always feel he wishes I was different. I feel he puts me down often and has no respect for me. Even if I were to give him a taste of how it feels to be emotionally unavailable, he's one of these people who will just wait it out as he's very secure I guess and doesn't like confrontation. Also, pride has a lot to do with it. I just feel like we are so incompatible. I dont feel like an equal in this marriage, I feel so unheard and that's why he switches off cos I repeat myself so many times.
I know I have to take resposnibilty for my own happiness. We've taken a drastic step and have decided to move back to our home country this year as I have more independence there and friends and family. I appreciate this is a big sacrifice on his behalf, although he recognises the move will be great for the kids (better schooling etc). This is bound to help me take back some control in my own life and build some purpose and meaning.
Yesterday, after another huge and ugly fight over nothing in particular, I blurted out that he's so emotionally unavailable to the point of me going elsewhere for comfort and companionship. I've alluded to this in the past (excess guilt speak) but he's always chosen to ignore it or not heard me, who knows. I'm just desparate for him to realise the extent of how our marriage is falling apart. He doesnt seem to realise and puts it down to a hysterical bored wife. This is not the case. I am unhappy with him and how he treats me. He has no respect for me and places little value on me. It's like he just doesnt care and switches off; doesnt want to "deal" with it. Anyway, now he's asking for details and I'm avoiding the topic. Name, medium of contact, how often etc. I'm scared to disclose all this as I don't know how it's gonna come across. Will he hold it against me? Or will he see it as a sign of my desparation? I don't know how to handle this. Has anybody else been in this situation? What did you do?


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## empty3 (Mar 12, 2013)

And yes, I have tonnes of reading to do, to understand common problems in marriages. Giving up is not an option (although crosses my mind often but I know that's just escapism)
I'm so glad I found this website. Thank-you so much everyone.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

empty3 said:


> And yes, I have tonnes of reading to do, to understand common problems in marriages. Giving up is not an option (although crosses my mind often but I know that's just escapism)
> I'm so glad I found this website. Thank-you so much everyone.


Hi Empty. You have received some excellent advice. Now here's something to consider just to mix it up a little bit

When he is away on travel maybe the day before oR the same day that he is due to come home text him that you've got something for him when he gets home. If he start asking you what it is tell he'll see when he gets there but he's going to like it. 

Since his family is there and you have domestic help see if you can get someone to watch the kids. Get the sexiest negligee you can find. Cook his favorite meal. Text him that you will need to know as close as possible what time he will be home so you can be prepared. When you get the first sign that he is about to come through the door (you hear the car or whatever) plant your self in his line of sight but far enough away that he can't touch you in that sexy negligee. Make sure you have on some sexy kitten heel sleepers or some oter sexy shoes. Strike up a model pose (google some runway videos if you need to)

When he opens the door say hi (insert your favorite pet name for him. If you don't have one make it up or just say hey baby). Welcome home. Then march yourself over tHere to him with your sexiest walk (practice if you have to) start taking his jacket off etc then march take his hand and lead him to the couch and tell him what's on the menu (you should be on the menu in some form). Tell him to go shower and think about what he wants first ...

If he looks at you like you're crazy when he first open the door just wink and start walking

Hey it might work it might fall apart but its worth a shot. Have some fun with it!

ETA: if he goes for taking off the negligee as soon as you touch him just roll with it

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

empty3 said:


> And yes, I have tonnes of reading to do, to understand common problems in marriages. Giving up is not an option (although crosses my mind often but I know that's just escapism)
> I'm so glad I found this website. Thank-you so much everyone.


It is a good website. There are some wise heads on here, but also a few disillusioned ones. You will need to pick the advice that makes sense to you.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

You may be depressed. Have you seen a doctor? Sometimes when a person is clinically depressed, they "blame" external forces like husbands, jobs, kids, etc. when in reality they have a chemical imbalance that requires medical attention.


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## empty3 (Mar 12, 2013)

committed4ever: your post made me chuckle! Thanks, it was great! You're absolutely right, I think spicing things up a bit would show I'm trying to make an effort, although, he'd definately think I've truly lost the plot this time as it would be so out of character for me. All the more reason to do it I suppose. I remember whilst we were dating how I would buy sexy lingerie for our nights together and make a real effort to feel and be sexy. There's no excuse for that not to happen still.
Emerald; I think you may be on to something. I do feel many symptoms of depression; the not getting pleasure in anything, tearfullness, consistent low mood, emptiness. But, I think it's all situational. I also think I'm still grieving the loss of my EA (or whatever label I give it) and with time those feelings will fade (hopefully). That said, if this state persists, I have no issues with going to see a Dr and be assessed. I'd like to believe however, that if I change my attitude a bit and be patient with my H and communicate calmy rather than get defensive and hysterical, I may be able to reach a place of acceptance and contentment.
coffee4me; I hear what youre saying but I havent always been like this. Usually I'm a go-getter and very upbeat. I'm social and like to have fun. I seem to be going through something and I need my H's support and understanding. I feel like he should accept all parts of me, happy and sad, after all we are humans and we come with a spectrum of emotions. He only wants the hassle free, happy me which is unfair as that's not always realistic.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

A couple of things about your follow-up post stand out. He is willing to move back where you can be closer to your friends and family, and you said he's too confident to pay attention if you're emotionally unavailable to him. 

I suspect that the opposite may be true. If he is willing to move back, it sounds like you are important to him, so he may simply be too proud or fragile to admit that you have so much effect on him. If so, showing him lots of appreciation and love might go further than trying to tell him what you feel.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I disagree with begging, which is what trying harder to please him amounts to. This is more getting into the 180 territory of preparing yourself for life without him. 

Your depression is a function of being invalidated by your husband, not vice-versa. He's doing what they call crazy-making: you bring your concerns of not having an emotionally connected husband, he dismisses you as having something wrong with you, that increases the anxiety and loneliness, and the longer it goes on the worse it gets. It absolutely can cause you serious mental and physical health issues. 

The way you deal with work is you set the time aside on a Saturday or Sunday to have a frank discussion about what is going on and how serious it is. Obviously it is a blunder to swarm him when he just comes home from work. But he absolutely must agree to talking at some appointed time. A counselor is not going to let him get away with invalidating you, so this is a suggestion. If he won't do it then you either accept your fate for a life of depression or you extricate yourself through divorce.


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## empty3 (Mar 12, 2013)

wiserforit; I have done alot of self analysis and am quite insightful. Your comments are exactly what I concluded and why I get so deeply sad at what my marriage has come to. I'm really confused as to what is going on. I mean is it me and my head that needs sorting out or is it him constantly putting me down and dismissing my feelings that is causing me to feel so depressed? He is definately crazy-making. Put's all our problems down to me. I have told him on so many occasions, calmy and assertively, what my concerns are. How serious our situation is. He keeps saying it's cos I have nothing to do and to keep myself busy. That's his solution. He takes no accountability for his part in the problems. He's doing as much as he can and is "maxed out".

I do appreciate everything he does for us and tell him often. I am warm towards him (mostly) and care about him but I have never felt so lonely in my life.


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## empty3 (Mar 12, 2013)

Coffee, when I read your posts it really gives me some insight into how my H may be feeling. It sounds like you were more the "mars" in your relationship and he was more "venus"? Were you the one who just got on with it? Was he depressed? Did he have a job that he enjoyed? Were there any particular triggers you could identify as to why he'd be so miserable or was his personality on the negative side? Did you guys have kids? Sorry for all the questions but just trying to understand the dynamics.

As for me, I know my triggers, I know my issues. I'm taking huge steps to make changes in my life and he's supporting me in this. I am going to have to be prescriptive with him. As much as I'd like for him to be intuitive and "know" what I need it would seem he can't be right now. He simply thinks he's already doing enough.

I know he loves me. Objectively anyone can see he does. I'm relying on him to boost my self-esteem and he's just not interested in doing that right now. Either I accept this and help myself or I continue to cry about how crap my life is. I have a choice. I resent him for not "fixing" me and he resents me for wanting me to want him to "fix" me (if that makes sense).

Did you comfort him during his "I'm so miserable" rants? Did you acknoweldge that this must be a crappy time for him? Reassure him that if he helps himself everything will be fine? Or had you ran out of patience by then? (my H getting to the end of his patience, I can feel it). I am gonna request these things from him. Just acknowledge my feelings, don't tell me to "stop being silly" or "you have a wonderful life"

It's gonna require a whole load of talking and he has ADHD (not really but he's super hyper and has a limited attention span!)

Coffee.. any more tips would be appreciated. Seems like you have a handle on my situation..

btw.. You mention he's now xH. How did it all come to a head in the end?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

empty3 said:


> I do appreciate everything he does for us and tell him often. I am warm towards him (mostly) and care about him but I have never felt so lonely in my life.


So how about the reverse?

When I see my wife doing dishes I say "I see you doing the dishes honey, I don't take it for granted. Thank you." 

Every meal she makes is just wonderful, and most of the time I am saying in earnest it is the best XYZ I ever had. If I catch even the slightest whiff of a mood on her part I drop what I am doing because this is way more important to me than anything else. I watch her mood like a hawk. 

Feelings are facts. The thing I really work on is getting her to express them and for me to put them in my own words so she can see I've got it. Just doing that much makes here feel better. 

Like you, she is from a foreign country. She doesn't really have friends here, nor do I since she immigrated. We keep to ourselves and our kids so it is my responsibility to work hard to stay on top of her emotions. Feeling like her work effort with the house and kids is appreciated goes a long way to making her happy.

Or are you instead mostly ignored and invalidated when you do try to express how you feel?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Sounds like you've made a lot of progress. You already sound stronger. See, this is what happens when the most vital relationship, the one relationship that sustains and grounds you, dries up and become empty. The result is depression. You feel disconnected and isolated and when you reach out to him, he turns you away.

So you've done some reading and have more still to do. If you move closer to your home, how will that affect you? What will you do differently there that you can do where you are? Will you be able to visit family more often? Will that improve your marriage?

When I hit 35 a couple of things happened at the same time and I ended up in a major depression. I didn't even recognize how disconnected our marriage had become. I just knew that I was lost and my husband was not a source of comfort or support. He never did step up, but I made it out of the depression.

I'm now 50 and our marriage has recently turned a significant corner. We have been gently processing all the years of disconnect.

He couldn't support me during my depression because he felt blamed. He felt if he could have been a better husband I wouldn't be depressed. *Here's the screwy part*, my depression was never his fault, but I blamed him for not supporting me. So he felt blame, I did blame, but we were blaming for different things. Had he understood the fact that my depression was not his fault, he could have supported me better. Had I known that he couldn't support because he felt so guilty that he had caused my depression, I could have gotten his support by removing his guilt.

What I've learned is that my husband, and lots of others, just want their wives to be happy. And when their wives aren't happy, it must be something they did or didn't do.

You've been confiding to your H that you are unhappy, yet he dismisses your feelings and makes you feel like it's all your fault. Could he be doing the deflection back to you because he feels impotent in helping you? You mention that you are going to have to be prescriptive which include being descriptive. But how can you do that in the midst of a depression, when you are feeling so confused yourself? Understanding that men like to solve problems and a depression is not really solvable. Offering support is intuitive. Are you supposed to teach him to hold you hand and murmur "there there dear, everything will be okay..." Is that what you want him to do?

Looking back, I would have liked my husband to hold me. Just discover where I was hiding and hold me. I would have liked if he had reassured me that I would get through this. I would have liked him to make me laugh, as only he can.

Do those kinds of things sound like the kind of support you want from your husband right now?


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## empty3 (Mar 12, 2013)

wiseforit, I think the problem here is tolerance level on his part. If I were to be honest, he does compliment me and tell me I've done a good job with the kids. They're doing well at school and he often comments on how this is all due to my hard work and dedication to them. This makes me happy as it's an acknowledgement.

Problem arises when I want to use him for everything; my friend, my confidante, my lover, my provider, my gossip buddy, my analysing partner, the one I go to to b***ch about his mother. He's overwhelmed and I have no-one else here to vent to. All my old-time friends are in a different time zone and although I can discuss major events with them I don't want to bother them with day to day issues. I used to have friends here but due to the transient nature of where we live, everyone I become close to leaves so I've stopped investing energy into anyone.

I'm really hoping that if I find some purpose and passion in my life I wont't put so much pressure on him to provide it for me. That doesn't excuse the fact that he dismisses what I tell him. He's just not as psychologically aware as you and I. For him it's tiresome and consistent.

I will get there. Need to choose my moments carefully rather than ranting and raving. Gets me no-where


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## empty3 (Mar 12, 2013)

Anon Pink; I am exactly where you were 15 years ago. I have all the symptoms of a depressive but I genuinely think it's situational and it has been an accumulation of events over the past few years. Within the last few years I've had two kids, moved country away from my support network, adjusted to a "new" family and their ways of doing things, left full time employment which I loved and gave me a sense of identity and purpose, chanelled all my energies to "fit" into a society that actually goes against all my principles and internal make-up. Essentially, I'm burnt-out, resentful and absolutely lost.

My H is a patient man. He has time for me and generally is there for me, however lately he just finds me self-indulgent and draining. He's overwhelmed and has tried to problem solve but as you rightly said some of this can't be solved. It has to be felt. His attempt to solve it is agreeing to move so that I can study further and be in a more realistic environment where things are familiar and I have more control over my life.

What I need from him is to just stop dismissing my feelings. He may interpret them as ott or repetitive or self-pity etc. I'm not asking him to agree with me. I just don't want him to shoo them away. He is desparately trying to deny that his strong, confident and usually happy wife is slowly falling apart. You're right, it makes him feel helpless.

He is by no way to "blame" for my state, but what is causing built up resentment is that he's not comforting me. When we discuss this he says he prefers giving a tough love approach otherwise I latch onto the nurturing and wallow further, giving me no push to change my lot. I see his point. I do. As I write this I'm almost wondering if I'm expecting him to "mother" me? I guess I am. I'm very much into the notion of self-soothing and used to be able to do this. Need to connect to this part of me again.

Coffee4me; thank-you so much for sharing your story. I have absorbed everything you said and it's helped alot. Thank-you


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

empty3 said:


> wiseforit, I think the problem here is tolerance level on his part. If I were to be honest, he does compliment me and tell me I've done a good job with the kids. They're doing well at school and he often comments on how this is all due to my hard work and dedication to them. This makes me happy as it's an acknowledgement.
> 
> Problem arises when I want to use him for everything; my friend, my confidante, my lover, my provider, my gossip buddy, my analysing partner, the one I go to to b***ch about his mother. He's overwhelmed and I have no-one else here to vent to. All my old-time friends are in a different time zone and although I can discuss major events with them I don't want to bother them with day to day issues. I used to have friends here but due to the transient nature of where we live, everyone I become close to leaves so I've stopped investing energy into anyone.
> 
> ...


It's brilliant that you recognize this stuff! If you keep trying to get him to do it for you, you'll be miserable and get nowhere.

I don't know where you're located, but here in the U.S. we have a site called Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup that has group get togethers on so many possible topics. If you're interested in the arts, music, health, politics, meeting people from your own country, the paranormal... pretty much everything. This can be a great way to meet people. I can either attend someone else's get together, or I can post a date, time, and location and invite others to meet. 

You might enjoy visiting that site to see if it offers anything in your area, or if you can find a similar website for the area where you live. If there isn't one, maybe you could even hire someone to design a site like that and make some money in the process!


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## empty3 (Mar 12, 2013)

KathyB, that's a great suggestion, Thank-you.

I'm a bit blah right now. No real enthusiasm for socialising although realise the importance of it and to make an effort.

Love the expression "fake it till you make it". Sometimes we just gotta do stuff even if it's not what we feel like I guess with the hope that our mood will lift and we'll start enjoying it.


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