# Totally lost!



## JustHoney (Jul 28, 2011)

I'm new here but I have no where else to turn.

The Story...
My current husband and I were each other's firsts in high school. We were off and on for several years until I married someone else and had 3 children. Two years ago I divorced after 16 years. I reconnected with my old boyfriend who was 6 months out of a relationship with the mother of his 2 daughters. Even though things were rough in the beginning, we toughed it out and were secretly married April ST of this year. We had intended to have a large reception for our friends and family in August to announce our union. Since then we've had a run of really bad luck including a large amount of money stolen and his mothers health turning bad.

The problems...
1. My husband informed me that we will have to put off our reception until May or June of next year. I can handle that but he also tells me that we will NOT be telling anyone in his family (and he is close to his family) that we are married. Basically I have to lie for a whole year. I can't even change my name. When I suggested that we tell his parents in August as we had intended and tell them we will have the reception in the spring, he won't hear of it, "I don't want to upset my mom while she's sick" WHY WOULD THIS UPSET HER?? she knows we intended to get married in august without a wedding ceremony so I don't see why telling her would be a big deal. 
2. Our love life is pretty must a disaster. There is ZERO affection from him, ever. I'm not an overly affectionate person but from time to time it would be nice to know I'm still attractive. If I don't initiate sex, it doesn't happen and most the time he tells me no anyway. He keeps telling me when I try to talk to him about it that I'm at my sexual peak and he's not (we are 35) but I have a lot of male friends the same age and they all tell me that's BS. It makes me feel so worthless and ugly. 
3. He has a history of "chatting" up other women. He's been caught on several occasions having email or text conversations with women he's dated before or women he finds on date websites that he's secretly a member of. In the beginning I'm pretty sure he was sleeping with a few of them, but in the last year I don't think it's ever been physical, just emotional cheating. Am I stupid for always forgiving him and not making a big deal out if it when I find out? normally I just ask him to please stop talking to "so and so" and that's all. I don't make a big deal out of it. 

There's so much more but those are the top three problems. My over all question is do I leave now or do I continue to hope things will improve with my patience?? I love my husband but I don't feel loved back.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

What do you think? No sex is a giant red flag. He is probably still cheating or using porn... or both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustHoney (Jul 28, 2011)

I'm perfectly OK with him using porn. I enjoy porn myself. He's never anywhere where he could be cheating. His phone is gps linked to mine and vis versa and I know for sure where he is at all times. I just don't think he's in love with me anymore or he doesn't find me attractive anymore even thought nothing has changed since we started.


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