# Husband Wants Independence



## nervous (Mar 11, 2009)

I am in uncharted territory. I have been married for 7.5 years and with my husband for 10 years. For his work he as just begun traveling overseas for work to help with projects in developing countries.

He had his first big trip as a leader of a team this past month and was gone for 2.5 weeks. This has always been a big goal for him and we have worked hard as a team. We have worked at making this happen together.

He came back from the trip and told me that he may not want to be married anymore. That he may want to be on his own permanently because he thinks this work is his calling. He believes that if he is married he has "strings" and feels like he won't be able to focus on his work, stay in the field extended period of times, etc. He doesn't want to have to "check in" with someone, account for his time or his actions.

He says it absolutely not about being with someone else. He says he isn't interested in being with other people.

He says he's just trying to be honest and that he needs time to figure this out. He also has shared that he's been thinking about this for three years, but this is the first time, two weeks ago, that he's shared with me.

We have certainly had our ups and downs as a couple, but I have always found such joy in "us."

We moved across country for three years and are now back in the city we both want, him doing exactly what he wants to do. Me finding my way.

He says it's not about me. I haven't specifically done something, but that he's realizing there are parts of my personality that bring out things in him that he doesn't like.

He says that it might be because he's never been on his own. We married right after college, so we never had our "own places" or years on our own and a part once we started dating in college. He thinks he wants and needs to be on his own.

He thinks it isn't fair to me and that he believes that he can't give me the time he thinks I and our marriage deserves.

We have talked around and around and he's now trying to meet with our pastor. But I don't know what to do. Help.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

From a guys perspective, and this is probably not what you want to hear, but he's probably feeling smothered, bored and wanting to see how green the grass is on the other side...

I've never been on my own from the time my dad died before I turned 18, I've always been involved but the women I was with then were always wanting to branch out, do more, see more, be more...and eventually they left me for someone else, someone new, something different.

You will wear yourself out by fighting or trying to figure out why, he's been thinking about what else there is or can be for awhile now and I doubt anything or anyone is going to make him see differently...protect yourself and your childeren if you have any.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i hate when spouses do that . the "i don't feel like being married anymore" and flake out on you. seriously, if you guys aren't completely 100% sure you want to stay together for life, then don't ask us to marry you. sorry about the little rant, it's just that's what my husband did to me. i agree w/ above, the grass is greener on the other side, until he realizes it's nnot, but then it's too late. don't really have any advice (if i did, i would be following it myself), but sometimes it helps just knowing we understand


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

nervous-

Do you have kids with this guy?

If not, and even if you do, life might go better if you just give him what he wants. Right now he loves his work more than he loves you - assuming his story is straight. Think about it. Even if he agrees to stay with you, he will be out of the country more and more often. You will grow resentful and go off him over time. Then he will get bitter and say I told you so. 

It seldom pays to keep someone against their will. There will be another guy waiting in the wings for you.


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