# Why do women Cheat?



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

Hello everyone! I am new to these boards and had a question for everyone. Why do you guys think that women cheat on their spouse or boyfriend? What are some reasons behind their decision to do that? I have my opinion but I wanted to see others view point. Thanks


----------



## LuckyCharmH (Jan 4, 2010)

1- before her series relationship she slept with several guys and she miss it.
2- she is bored from the person she is with. 
3- she thinks she can do it and get a way with it 
4- she thinks she can do it and knows that her partner will forgive her
5- a hot person with a hot body could lead her to him
6- emotional reasons, falling in love with someone else. 
7- seeking an adventure
8- she is too hoo r ny and want more


----------



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

That was a great post LuckyCharm. I didn't even think of it that way lol. I want some ladies to respond to this and tell me what they think.


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Hmmm, I'm only speaking from my limited experience, but it could be that they are cheating because they are friggin nuts. Crazy people do crazy things. Look it up. It's right there in the book. DSM-IV

LIL


----------



## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

how about being neglected and mistreated by husband? lack of love sex and just intimacy? 

not that it's ok to cheat but when the so called "SO" does not meet their needs and wants, some women either leave the relationship or find what their husbands refuse to give them in another man's arms.

there are exceptions but i think most women cheat because of this and not because they're crazy, horny, or think they can get away with it.


----------



## LuckyCharmH (Jan 4, 2010)

Yes They are crazy Crazy. No reason to cheat what so ever


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

cherrypie18 said:


> how about being neglected and mistreated by husband? lack of love sex and just intimacy?
> 
> *not that it's ok to cheat but when the so called "SO" does not meet their needs and wants, some women either leave the relationship or find what their husbands refuse to give them in another man's arms.
> 
> there are exceptions but i think most women cheat because of this and not because they're crazy, horny, or think they can get away with it.*




I would agree that most people cheat because they feel they are missing something. However, a lot of the time the thing that is "missing" is internal to the person cheating.

I am old enough to have witnessed many people; both professionally and otherwise implode, and "F" up seemingly decent and healthy relationships.

LIL


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I believe a lot of women are looking for that knight in shinning armor and instead get a real-live human being that has all of the same flaws and insecurities they do. When they discover they married a "man" and not a "knight" they get disillusioned.

A relationship is hard work and you have to continue to work on it whether you've been together 1 year or 30. 

I may get blasted for this, but the majority of those who DO THE WORK to keep a relationship going are women (its the way we're wired) and at some point it gets old and they want someone who will put in as much effort as they do.


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I hear you MWIL. It is tough when you're the only one putting in effort in a relationship. So says the single father of six, who also runs two clinics. Lazy spouses s*ck, but they definitely know no gender.

LIL


----------



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

Cherrypie and Lastline Most women have told me the same reason for cheating is that they lack something. My question to that is why can't they just tell their other halves or leave the relationship? Cheating will onyl cause them to be in a worst situation.


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Because they have and they are tired of not being listened too. I would try to talk to my Ex about how I felt and the issues we were having and his response was always "You are not going to make this my fault" although it was ok for it to by mine.

So yes it is something missing, in my case their was emotional/mental abuse, so when I found someone who wanted me for me then it was easy to fall into the trap. In the end - they OM just wanted a conquest - but he knew how to play a woman that was starved for an emotional connection of some sort that wasn't constantly degrading her.

Doesn't justify the act...but you asked for reasons why....


----------



## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

FUEGO said:


> Cherrypie and Lastline Most women have told me the same reason for cheating is that they lack something. My question to that is why can't they just tell their other halves or leave the relationship? Cheating will onyl cause them to be in a worst situation.


Sometimes they try to communicate with their spouse but the man seems to ignore them. I can't really give you a better answer because I have no experience in that "field"...sorry. Maybe women who cheated or people who have talked to cheaters can answer your Qs.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I don't think men and women are all that different, really...there are probably as many reasons for cheating as there are cheaters.

Some reasons I can tell you are:
To get some. When there isn't sex at home, there isn't the hope of sex at home and toys and internet porn just aren't doing it...

To feel special and interesting--it's kind of a turn on to be talked *with* instead of *at*. I won't even go into the mad idea of being complimented and crazy things like that...

To get some or all of those things without having to beg, cry, fight, medicate or coerce your husband into them.

It's easy to say "well, if you don't like it, leave" but it's really not that easy when you have a generally okay relationship. And contrary to popular belief, there really are low-libido men and high-libido women. When I had my first affair, I hadn't had sex with my husband for well over a year. Granted, I'd quit asking, but who wouldn't? It just seemed to make sense to supplement that part of the relationship. 

I don't know about other women, but by the time I decided to do what I've done, we'd had endless "discussions", we'd tried any number of "male pills" and he's not willing to do psychotherapy or testosterone testing, we've rehashed our issues ad nauseum and the bottom line seems to be that we are who we are and either we live with it or don't. I hate the idea of being alone more than I dislike the life we have, so I've developed my workarounds, I guess.

But I definitely wouldn't call myself crazy, nor do I think I expect a mindreader or a knight in shining armour. I wouldn't say it's because I want "more" lol, but I definitely want "some" .


----------



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

So COGYPSY why did you not just leave him? Yu ever heard of the 80/20 rule?


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I think when it comes down to it, I've never had any desire to live alone and right now we have a pretty easy friendship. I'd leave him *for* someone, but I just can't see leaving for the privilege of having to drive in snow and take out trash and figure out how to share our ancient dog, you know? 

Since the sex issue is basically out of the picture, we never fight, and rarely did before that anyway. I suspect that at best we have a couple of years before we just can't hold things together with a strong mutual respect for our individuality and sense of companionship, but until then, a lot of what we have works.

What's scary is that it seems more and more like it would be really nerve-wracking and hard to have a marriage that was any other way.


----------



## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Men and women are totally different when it comes to why we do the nasty, but when its all said and done, we both cheat, simply cause every now and then, we just want "a little strange"


----------



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

COGypsy said:


> I think when it comes down to it, I've never had any desire to live alone and right now we have a pretty easy friendship. I'd leave him *for* someone, but I just can't see leaving for the privilege of having to drive in snow and take out trash and figure out how to share our ancient dog, you know?
> 
> Since the sex issue is basically out of the picture, we never fight, and rarely did before that anyway. I suspect that at best we have a couple of years before we just can't hold things together with a strong mutual respect for our individuality and sense of companionship, but until then, a lot of what we have works.
> 
> What's scary is that it seems more and more like it would be really nerve-wracking and hard to have a marriage that was any other way.



So your saying you wouldn't leave for selfish reasons, such as taking the trash out and maybe even money?


----------



## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Different women cheat for different reasons, just like men do. Some are so sex starved at home they'll hop on the first available man entering the room (i also believe the more sex starved or miserable a woman is, the more her standards regarding men go down...hence why many women go into relationships with males they don't find attractive at all, after a bad breakup)

Other women are quite interested in strange and can't resist taking advantage of chances offered to them (like shopping, you see a new pair of shoes, you have to have it).

Other women do it because there's something missing at home on an emotional level. Their husband doesn't listen/respect/take interest in her and makes her feel like she's not worth much.

Some women don't respect their men anymore. Maybe because they lost their job, or they don't act manly anymore. When a man starts behaving like a man, the woman (on a deep level) suddenly feels like she doesn't belong for a man. So she starts scouting for a 'real man' and feels somewhat incomplete in the marriage. 

For revenge. Some wives who've been cheated on (or suspect they're being cheated on) will cheat to gain the feeling of 'we're even', even if this doesn't really happen after cheating. 

There are probably as many reasons as there are people, but I personally believe most mature, commited women and men for that matter will only cheat if they're quite unhappy in their marriage.

By the way, this is based on women i know and the reasons they had for cheating.


----------



## whynot (Apr 16, 2010)

cherrypie18 said:


> how about being neglected and mistreated by husband? lack of love sex and just intimacy?
> 
> not that it's ok to cheat but when the so called "SO" does not meet their needs and wants, some women either leave the relationship or find what their husbands refuse to give them in another man's arms.
> 
> there are exceptions but i think most women cheat because of this and not because they're crazy, horny, or think they can get away with it.


100% agree!!! :iagree::smthumbup:

Tell you why... when you marry, your husband becomes the only source for sex, affection and physical male-female emotional intimacy. When he refuses to provide any of those at all, it is like putting that wife in a prison without anything... complete deprivation.... I think its called solitary in prison. Women need to be loved like men need to be respected... its hard to respect a husband who isnt loving his wife... so she finds a connection elsewhere. Its vital to her livelihood. 

I am a woman responding to this post and I have a sex partner outside my marriage bc my husband uses sex as manipulation and withholds it without reservation and I cannot divorce him. The emotional stuff ...I find from my girlfriends... my "affair" is not an "affair" like those you read about... its just sex. We are physically attracted to one another, are compatible but have few outside interests in common and we both arent leaving our marriages... I never understood people who think they can build a relationship on a lie like an affair... it is what it is and nothing more.


----------



## whynot (Apr 16, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I believe a lot of women are looking for that knight in shinning armor and instead get a real-live human being that has all of the same flaws and insecurities they do. When they discover they married a "man" and not a "knight" they get disillusioned.
> 
> A relationship is hard work and you have to continue to work on it whether you've been together 1 year or 30.
> 
> I may get blasted for this, but the majority of those who DO THE WORK to keep a relationship going are women (its the way we're wired) and at some point it gets old and they want someone who will put in as much effort as they do.



Yep! Thats what I did... everything. I was tired of doing the things that we agreed to do for our relationship and then him do nothing that he said he would... he would get me to do the things he wanted and then sit back and continue the way he was, and still is.


----------



## whynot (Apr 16, 2010)

FUEGO said:


> Cherrypie and Lastline Most women have told me the same reason for cheating is that they lack something. My question to that is why can't they just tell their other halves or leave the relationship? Cheating will onyl cause them to be in a worst situation.


FUEGO... you are on FIRE I can tell you what happened in my situation... I did tell him that I needed more sex than he was having with me and it was no longer fair to him or me that we continue this way... him feeling pressured and me feeling deprived. His response was to tell me he would have sex more. Im still waiting for it and it just gets worse and more controlling the more time that goes by... its been 2 years since he first said that. 

Sometimes telling your other half doesnt work if they are not self confident enough to live by what they agree to, or agree to things they dont intend to live up to.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

FUEGO said:


> So your saying you wouldn't leave for selfish reasons, such as taking the trash out and maybe even money?


I'd actually say that after 4 years of marriage and nearly 10 years together, we're both pretty comfortable. With a few pretty significant exceptions, we've got our routines and a lot of good things together too. I mean, I'm a pretty dern good cook (if I do say so myself!) and I'm sure that he would miss herb crusted tenderloin and poached salmon, you know? Or we both enjoy following policy and politics and debating the different issues, we'd probably miss that. Even on top of the little "selfish" things like I'd hate to have to take out the trash, and I'm equally sure he'd hate to have to be the one to actually fasten the tiny buttons on his shirts and hang them all by type in the same direction the way he likes--neither one is a big deal, but not fun either when you're used to someone else having some particular job like that. 

Like I said, it can really be a hard decision to make when there really are parts that work-

And since the difference in our income is pretty negligible-- maybe $5k most years--I doubt money would be a deciding factor for either of us.

I have to agree with the other posters--there are so many reasons that go into each individual reason to cheat that it's impossible to tease out one reason to leave or stay, to cheat or suck it up and tough it out. I think you could go back and forth for years and not ever come up with a blanket solution to prevent or cure or "fix" the issue of cheating for men or for women. In the end, we're imperfect creatures and our relationships aren't perfect either and we all just muddle our way through.


----------



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

whynot said:


> FUEGO... you are on FIRE I can tell you what happened in my situation... I did tell him that I needed more sex than he was having with me and it was no longer fair to him or me that we continue this way... him feeling pressured and me feeling deprived. His response was to tell me he would have sex more. Im still waiting for it and it just gets worse and more controlling the more time that goes by... its been 2 years since he first said that.
> 
> Sometimes telling your other half doesnt work if they are not self confident enough to live by what they agree to, or agree to things they dont intend to live up to.[/QUOTE
> 
> I understand that, but did he give you reasons for not having sex more?


----------



## beeberbean (Aug 19, 2010)

i want to say not getting what she needs from husband. if he is never there for her in ways of communication, sexually, spiritually( if app), emotionally. every woman is different of course. but if it were to be me, i need someone to communicate with me and not brush me off.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I'll tell you what my psychologist told me... the large majority of people who cheat do so because they are not treated well by their spouse/SO. 

Very rarely is someone who is in an emotionally and physically fulfilling relationship cheat because of someone else's hot body. 

Most people cheat because they think they find someone who fills the missing emotional pieces of their relationship.


----------



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> I'll tell you what my psychologist told me... the large majority of people who cheat do so because they are not treated well by their spouse/SO.
> 
> Very rarely is someone who is in an emotionally and physically fulfilling relationship cheat because of someone else's hot body.
> 
> Most people cheat because they think they find someone who fills the missing emotional pieces of their relationship.


Chris I have heard that too. Some people who do find something wrong with what their spouse is doing needs to actually look at themselves also and see if there's anything they need to improve also. Men or Women could feel that something is lacking in the relationship and want to cheat but do they ever think of why that person is slacking in that department?


----------



## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> Most people cheat because they think they find someone who fills the missing emotional pieces of their relationship.


And more often than not when we're talking about women cheating, the person who "fills in the missing pieces" is often not anything close to the values of the man being cheated on, but just plays the manipulation game to get a piece of ass.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

FUEGO said:


> Chris I have heard that too. Some people who do find something wrong with what their spouse is doing needs to actually look at themselves also and see if there's anything they need to improve also. Men or Women could feel that something is lacking in the relationship and want to cheat but do they ever think of why that person is slacking in that department?


I think the flip side of that though would be to ask how responsible one is to "fix" another person? Assuming that there has been some attempt at communication regarding what's going on with both people, how much of one's personality should they change on the off chance that it will magically "fix" the other person/relationship when nothing else has? And who is the one that gets to decide what is "slacking" and what is simply a difference in personalities or temperament? One of those could be changed pretty easily, the other one would have to be constant monitoring of thoughts, words and behavior every minute, you know?

I have an example. At one point my husband came up with the idea that we should spend more time together and that watching an hour of TV together each night would be a good way to do that. Okay, I try to be a good sport and agree to this. It soon became apparent that we should not be anywhere near each other if we're watching anything but sports, lol. In the evening (okay, anytime really), I hardly ever sit still. I do laundry, fix my nails, catch up on emails for the next morning...I'm just not good at being still, whether I'm with him or wherever. To him, that was avoiding quality time. For me, I was making a concentrated effort to be quiet and still for an hour every day. I felt like a 5 year old in church because he just couldn't understand doing more than one thing at once. I literally sat there counting the minutes, but if I was doing my usual stuff, he was the same way because me moving around made him just as nuts. 

So whose job was it to change to make the other one quit "slacking" on quality time? The experiment left us both terribly frustrated with the other, so does that mean that one of us should have just suffered through that "wonderful" time together for the sake of being together instead of finding our own satisfaction with separate televisions?

There are obviously two people in every relationship and they're both responsible for chipping in to make it work. But that's the key--if one person isn't chipping in, for whatever reason (not interested, doesn't have the emotional capacity to, doesn't see a problem--whatever) then is the other person responsible for doing or becoming whatever they think would make their partner feel/do/act better just to fix some wrong thing? Where's the line between introspection and self-improvement and being a big ol' doormat? 

I know it probably doesn't sound like it, lol--but I'm not trying to turn this into an always/never debate. My position is simply that I believe that there are frequently highly individual and extenuating circumstances that lead to infidelity, especially I would assume, with women. I would consider it an action of last resort in many cases, whether it's what we say in the heat of an argument or not. It's just not something that can be oversimplified, especially if we're talking about women and emotions!


----------



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

COGypsy said:


> I think the flip side of that though would be to ask how responsible one is to "fix" another person? Assuming that there has been some attempt at communication regarding what's going on with both people, how much of one's personality should they change on the off chance that it will magically "fix" the other person/relationship when nothing else has? And who is the one that gets to decide what is "slacking" and what is simply a difference in personalities or temperament? One of those could be changed pretty easily, the other one would have to be constant monitoring of thoughts, words and behavior every minute, you know?
> 
> I have an example. At one point my husband came up with the idea that we should spend more time together and that watching an hour of TV together each night would be a good way to do that. Okay, I try to be a good sport and agree to this. It soon became apparent that we should not be anywhere near each other if we're watching anything but sports, lol. In the evening (okay, anytime really), I hardly ever sit still. I do laundry, fix my nails, catch up on emails for the next morning...I'm just not good at being still, whether I'm with him or wherever. To him, that was avoiding quality time. For me, I was making a concentrated effort to be quiet and still for an hour every day. I felt like a 5 year old in church because he just couldn't understand doing more than one thing at once. I literally sat there counting the minutes, but if I was doing my usual stuff, he was the same way because me moving around made him just as nuts.
> 
> ...


I understand everything you are saying. Im just saying if a guy is not having sex with their wife anymore, wouldn't that make the wife simply ask "why aren't you touching me anymore" Also if the man was at first all into the sex with the wife, maybe now they have lost interest or the women has become boring and instead of telling them and hurting their feelings, they just shy away from having sex. The worst thing to happen to a man and pardon me for saying it like this but is to get limp when they are supposed to be turned on. So a man would just simply brush the sex thing off. I feel that a man or women need to approach one another and just tell the truth. Then work on how they can spice the sex back up so that both are interested. If that doesn't work maybe they aren't into each other and maybe should part ways.


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

FUEGO said:


> I understand everything you are saying. Im just saying if a guy is not having sex with their wife anymore, wouldn't that make the wife simply ask "why aren't you touching me anymore" Also if the man was at first all into the sex with the wife, maybe now they have lost interest or the women has become boring and instead of telling them and hurting their feelings, they just shy away from having sex. The worst thing to happen to a man and pardon me for saying it like this but is to get limp when they are supposed to be turned on. So a man would just simply brush the sex thing off. I feel that a man or women need to approach one another and just tell the truth. Then work on how they can spice the sex back up so that both are interested. If that doesn't work maybe they aren't into each other and maybe should part ways.


That assumes that the problem has to do strictly with desire though. There are so many other things that can be going on physically that to just dismiss sexual problems as "we need to spice it up" or "we're not into each other and need to move on" is not only a disservice to them both, but could potentially overlook a serious health problem. Or heck, overlook a minor health issue that could be easily fixed and resolve the whole thing


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

FUEGO said:


> Chris I have heard that too. Some people who do find something wrong with what their spouse is doing needs to actually look at themselves also and see if there's anything they need to improve also. Men or Women could feel that something is lacking in the relationship and want to cheat but do they ever think of why that person is slacking in that department?


I know I didn't. 

I am always saying that these issues are rarely one-sided. And it IS the responsibility of BOTH parties to try to right the wrongs in a relationship. But you have differing personalities and differing tolerances, both of which can change over time and lead to a tipping of the scales in one direction.


----------



## mmsmith1977 (Aug 19, 2010)

I thought I would join this discussion, b/c this is something that I have been dealing with. I would never have imagined that I would be the type of person to have an affair, and was always very scornful of those who did. I do not honestly know if I can pick a specific reason, and obviously everyone is different. I know that for me, it was a combination of relationship/intimacy problems, a stressful home life, no time together, and meeting someone I had a connection with who made me feel special. I am not making excuses, just trying to answer your question as best i can. Like I said, everyone is different.


----------



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

COGypsy said:


> That assumes that the problem has to do strictly with desire though. There are so many other things that can be going on physically that to just dismiss sexual problems as "we need to spice it up" or "we're not into each other and need to move on" is not only a disservice to them both, but could potentially overlook a serious health problem. Or heck, overlook a minor health issue that could be easily fixed and resolve the whole thing


That's very true. I believe that both need to just look into the problems. If it's nothing that can be fixed and one can't deal with it, I just don't think cheating is the best answer.


----------



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

mmsmith1977 said:


> I thought I would join this discussion, b/c this is something that I have been dealing with. I would never have imagined that I would be the type of person to have an affair, and was always very scornful of those who did. I do not honestly know if I can pick a specific reason, and obviously everyone is different. I know that for me, it was a combination of relationship/intimacy problems, a stressful home life, no time together, and meeting someone I had a connection with who made me feel special. I am not making excuses, just trying to answer your question as best i can. Like I said, everyone is different.[/QUOTE
> 
> The question is, did you have a connection with the person in those areas alone? The other person could be just wanting to get some from you and that's it. I know someone who cheated for the same reasons, but the only thing is she didn't tell all that was going on. I found out later the reason for the lack of sex was because of things she was doing also, which made her husband become irritated and less attracted to her. She didn't want to change this about herself, so I feel that it's selfish.


----------



## mmsmith1977 (Aug 19, 2010)

FUEGO said:


> mmsmith1977 said:
> 
> 
> > The question is, did you have a connection with the person in those areas alone? The other person could be just wanting to get some from you and that's it. I know someone who cheated for the same reasons, but the only thing is she didn't tell all that was going on. I found out later the reason for the lack of sex was because of things she was doing also, which made her husband become irritated and less attracted to her. She didn't want to change this about herself, so I feel that it's selfish.
> ...


----------



## tj71 (Jul 20, 2010)

The sheer excitement that someone else beside their husband thinks they are attractive. A friendship starts, then emotions get there, then they slip into the temptation of sex and give in.

This can happen even if the husband is perfect...according to my wife and other friends of hers.

Mine had an EA and may have gone further had I not pushed so hard to get her to tell me the truth. She assures me O do everything I should and that she lacks absolutely nothing. We have a one-in-a-million kind of friendship she and I. Maybe I even do too much for her. All I know is that, even when the relationship is really really good, it is still possible for ANYONE to slip into an affair.


----------



## FUEGO (Aug 17, 2010)

tj71 said:


> The sheer excitement that someone else beside their husband thinks they are attractive. A friendship starts, then emotions get there, then they slip into the temptation of sex and give in.
> 
> This can happen even if the husband is perfect...according to my wife and other friends of hers.
> 
> Mine had an EA and may have gone further had I not pushed so hard to get her to tell me the truth. She assures me O do everything I should and that she lacks absolutely nothing. We have a one-in-a-million kind of friendship she and I. Maybe I even do too much for her. All I know is that, even when the relationship is really really good, it is still possible for ANYONE to slip into an affair.


I agree, it is easy for anyone to slip up and cheat. I think it happens once someone puts themselves in a situation or has temptation.


----------



## JustAnotherGuy1 (Sep 4, 2010)

FUEGO said:


> Cherrypie and Lastline Most women have told me the same reason for cheating is that they lack something. My question to that is why can't they just tell their other halves or leave the relationship? Cheating will onyl cause them to be in a worst situation.


True, but sometimes they don't even _know _what it is they want...or don't want/can't admit it to themselves if they do.

This can happen to guys, too, and you can end up wanting something so badly that you set aside your conscience and common sense to get it...and yeah, it usually if not always costs more than than it was worth even if you get it, but still that's how it can happen.

Somebody upthread commented on the ability of a predatory sort of personality to manipulate someone who is 'needing' something. That's true too. When you're desperate to get something you feel a need for, you _want _to believe it's there, whether it really is or not.


----------



## JustAnotherGuy1 (Sep 4, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I believe a lot of women are looking for that knight in shinning armor and instead get a real-live human being that has all of the same flaws and insecurities they do. When they discover they married a "man" and not a "knight" they get disillusioned.


So true. And true of men, too (though the detail of the fantasy-image is usually different). 

It doesn't come out of thin air, either, there are entire, literally multi-billion-dollar industries that exist to feed the fantasies to the point that it can overwhelm common sense and reality.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

whynot said:


> 100% agree!!! :iagree::smthumbup:
> 
> Tell you why... when you marry, your husband becomes the only source for sex, affection and physical male-female emotional intimacy. When he refuses to provide any of those at all, it is like putting that wife in a prison without anything... complete deprivation.... I think its called solitary in prison. Women need to be loved like men need to be respected... its hard to respect a husband who isnt loving his wife... so she finds a connection elsewhere. Its vital to her livelihood.
> 
> I am a woman responding to this post and I have a sex partner outside my marriage bc my husband uses sex as manipulation and withholds it without reservation and I cannot divorce him. The emotional stuff ...I find from my girlfriends... my "affair" is not an "affair" like those you read about... its just sex. We are physically attracted to one another, are compatible but have few outside interests in common and we both arent leaving our marriages... I never understood people who think they can build a relationship on a lie like an affair... it is what it is and nothing more.


100% agree with your 100% agree.


----------



## lynst (Aug 13, 2010)

It could be because she is very attractive, and her husband doesn't pay attention to her, and other men do. Or if a woman has been neglected by her husband emotionally, ignored her, and so on. Then another man starts paying attention to her in those ways that her husband has ignored her. Or a woman has been so hurt emotionally by her husband that she becomes so fragile, weak, and desperate, that she ends up having an affair, thinking that will make her happier, when it won't. Or maybe she wants to get back at her husband, because he hasn't cared for her so long, and has only "used" her for sex, that when she meets a guy she really likes, she has an affair, because now she is having sex because she WANTS it, NOT because she has to.

Here's an insightful article on why women cheat: 
http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating_150/181_dating_list.html
(Numbers 4 and 5 would be the strongest reason I think women would cheat.)

I believe the bottom line is this: if a wife is cheating, it is because she is miserable in her marriage.


----------



## pearl18 (Apr 3, 2010)

I am a woman who had an emotional affair about a year ago. We never had sex but we did have a physical relationship in the sense of hugging and kissing. For me, the affair was all about an emotional connection and less about the physical aspects. However, once we started the physical part, it was hard to stop it from progressing quickly.

I know exactly why I had the affair. It was because my husband felt that yelling, swearing and calling me names (and our kids) was okay. It was years & years of this kind of abuse. I can clearly remember in my mind shutting him out emotionally about four years ago. I mentally said to myself, "I'm staying married for the kids sake but I will live like I am a single woman as much as I can". I did not want to rely on him unless I had to. After I shut him out, I believe I was vulnerable & when I met my EA, we connected in a way I have never connected with a man. We ended it before things got worse or anyone found out. And, its been hell to get through the past year because I still love him & miss him. We see each other at work about twice a week & have remained friends by working really hard to do that. But, I can just say that I think everyone has different reasons for getting into an affair.


----------



## Bluemoon7 (Jan 27, 2010)

Of course there are always exceptions, but I think the majority of women cheat because they feel neglected in some way. They are lonely, and/or their emotional, physical or mental needs aren't being met. Most likely they have talked to their husband numerous times, but nothing changes. So, they find someone else to fill the void.


----------



## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

1. She is horny and needs to have some fun.
2. She has crushed into a man who is only sexually attractive.
3. She has crushed into a man who is only sexually attractive but later on she started to fall in love with that man.
4. She's ready to get divorced.


----------



## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Bluemoon7 said:


> Of course there are always exceptions, but I think the majority of women cheat because they feel neglected in some way. They are lonely, and/or their emotional, physical or mental needs aren't being met. Most likely they have talked to their husband numerous times, but nothing changes. So, they find someone else to fill the void.


That is possible, but nowadays many women just want to have fun.


----------

