# Wife gets mad when sex is brought up



## Needingwifehelpn8 (Feb 7, 2021)

Ok so not really sure how to say this but when i met my wife she had 2-3 sexual partners and when we were official it stopped 2 years later we got married we have sex but then anxiety and insecurities make it hard to keep an erection.. when i bring up sex with my wife she gets really angry and we fight and it turns into all i want from her is sex but it rarely happens its february 6th and the last time we had sex was January 13th if i bring it up at all its a FIGHT im starting to think its me and thats where the anxiety comes from all the rejected advances im really starting to think im a roommate/friend i work 5-6 days a week come home do laundry, clean , dishes i feel like the house ***** when she gets to come home and go straight to the couch if dishes are in the sink they will sit there until i do them if there are dry dishes they will sit there until i out them away she leaves her cats litter box full until the cat pees and ****s on the floor when i say something she freaks out im running out of patience im not saying we have to have sex or a clean house every day but barely 1 time a month and im the house maid 😔😔😔need advice


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Needing,

How long have you been married?

You are saying your wife was having sex with 2 or 3 people going from person to person?

If so then when you first met her you were sharing her with those 2 or 3 other people?

Is she still even in casual contact with these "ex'es"?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Sounds like a terrible existence
Why are you still in this relationship?


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## Needingwifehelpn8 (Feb 7, 2021)

TAMAT said:


> Needing,
> 
> How long have you been married?
> 
> ...


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## Needingwifehelpn8 (Feb 7, 2021)

Married since nov 29 2019
she moved out here for her job and was lonely 2 hours away from her hometown When i met her we started out as just friends we didnt have sex until we were official and she stopped talking to the other guys and blocked them in her phone and on social media i just feel like its me shes not in to me sexually and when i bring that or sex up she freaks out on me


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## Needingwifehelpn8 (Feb 7, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Sounds like a terrible existence
> Why are you still in this relationship?


Starting to wonder that myself not sure what to do anymore


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I second the opinion..... what the hell are you doing with her? It should be more than obvious she isn’t into you.
Don’t forget to do her dishes (insert eye roll)


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## Needingwifehelpn8 (Feb 7, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> I second the opinion..... what the hell are you doing with her? It should be more than obvious she isn’t into you.
> Don’t forget to do her dishes (insert eye roll)


Hopeful i guess and stupid lol just looking for outside opinions is all


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Needingwifehelpn8 said:


> Hopeful i guess and stupid lol just looking for outside opinions is all


You have only been tiger since 2019. Dude cut your losses. She isn’t in to you..... yeah I know it sucks. Don’t fall fall that age old trick when you drop divorce on her that she starts screwing you like crazy.... yeah don’t fall for it


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Needingwifehelpn8 said:


> *When i met her we started out as just friends we didnt have sex until we were official *and she stopped talking to the other guys and blocked them in her phone and on social media* i just feel like its me shes not in to me sexually and when i bring that or sex up she freaks out on me*


Bad sign, man....This says a lot about where you are right now...and unfortunately your hunch(second bolded part) is likely a reality....

Women often select guys not because they make them wet, but more because they make them feel safe, get an ego boost from them, want lifestyle, etc....It's a large reason, IMO, that many women stop sex and start with the stuff your wife is doing...Of course I can't say for sure, but it sure sounds that way, judging by how your posts read....She isn't seeing you as a sexual being, but probably likes the fact that you are a good guy and can hold your own with domestic duties...

I dunno, man...I don't see this getting any better...And I agree with the last poster...You have no real legacy to protect....No one should have to beg for sex...Move on with your life and whatever you do, don't get her pregnant if she does happen to throw you a crumb....


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You should both be having WAY more sex that once per month -- for God's sake you've only been married a little over a year.
STOP doing all the chores. If the dishes are there, TOUGH. Let them stay there. Only wash a dish for yourself when you need it. Only do YOUR clothes for laundry. Don't get into arguments about it. Just tell her that YOU are not her maid, and she contributes NOTHING to the upkeep of the house, so if she wants a dish or clean clothes then she can do that for herself. If she gets mad and start yelling, just ignore it.

I would also tell her either SHE takes care of the cats, or you will find them new homes. That is unsanitary and a possible health concern (as well as disgusting). What is her excuse for doing nothing?

As for the sex, have a DISCUSSION with her and just tell her calmly that married people have sex -- it bonds them together and makes the relationship stronger. IF she no longer wants sex with you, THAT isn't a marriage. SHE needs to look into counseling to understand why SHE doesn't want to have sex with her husband, and LEAVE it at that. Give yourself a time frame where if you see NO actions on her part, then you decide you will move on OUT of the relationship.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

@Needingwifehelpn8 It is so fortunate you're figuring this stuff out now, while events current and past are accurately known. You need to consider the possibility, perhaps the likelihood, that your wife chose you as a way to escape from a past she felt ashamed of. Shame is a TERRIBLE and reliable cause for really bad decisions. It sounds like you're already second-guessing things, as you should be. Not saying you have to end things, but therapy is going to be important, possibly individual counseling for her if it is in fact a shame issue, and marriage counseling for both of you, not with an eye toward staying married but to ask if you should be married. 

This sounds so harsh. No question I'm projecting.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Why would you want to be exclusive with a woman you knew was having sex with 2-3 different men? Your wife sounds incredibly lazy and selfish. My suggestion is to leave and move on.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Needingwifehelpn8 said:


> im a roommate/friend i work 5-6 days a week come home do laundry, clean , dishes i feel like the house ***


That's the reason she married you. She got a slave. She is not attracted to you sexually, most likely, never has been. And, the real salient part is, she never will be.
You're an appliance.

Your wife will, most likely, never see herself as a major contributor to your marital problems.



Needingwifehelpn8 said:


> it turns into all i want from her is sex


Refuser's Handbook, Chapter 3. Don't tell your spouse the truth, that you're not "in to" him.... instead, lie, and make it his fault.



Needingwifehelpn8 said:


> when i met my wife she had 2-3 sexual partners


Once a cheater, always a cheater. It's somewhat like alcoholism. Substance addicts may be able, with help, to stop abusing their drug-of-choice. But the "stinkin' thinkin' " continues....the term "dry drunk" can apply here....

_*Dry-Drunk Syndrome*_



AVR1962 said:


> Your wife sounds incredibly lazy and selfish.


I think this is more than a "sound"....


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

AVR1962 said:


> Why would you want to be exclusive with a woman you knew was having sex with 2-3 different men? Your wife sounds incredibly lazy and selfish. My suggestion is to leave and move on.


I agree with this when getting into a LTR.

The other men _truly_ wanted her only for sex.
She, deep down, *knew this to be true*.

When she saw that you wanted _more_ than sex, she _dispassionately_ married you.

Those other men left their mark on her.

She is bitter.
She now sees men, as users, and not lovers.

The other men trained her wrong, now her _cold reality_ is yours.

Find a lady who is upbeat, and not beaten down by normal living.


_Are Dee-_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

So you've been married a little over a year to a woman who is not sexually attracted to you and is a dirty slob.

My question to you is what the heck's wrong with YOU? Because from where I'm sitting, and since you're the one posting, it sounds to me like you have some serious self-esteem issues. Also, what is the least bit attractive about someone who has meltdowns when you try to address important issues in your marriage?


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## Needingwifehelpn8 (Feb 7, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> I agree with this when getting into a LTR.
> 
> The other men _truly_ wanted her only for sex.
> She, deep down, *knew this to be true*.
> ...


You are totally right i saw what they were doing and didnt like it and wanted to show her she was a person and not just someones sex object she blames not wanting to on work stressing her out and she’s CONSTANTLY tired i work 8-4:30 she usually works from 9-6 or 7 and shes the manager so she is always leaving the store getting nails hair toes eyelashes done but ALWAYS tired when i try to talk about anything to do with our relationship or how im feeling thats why im thinking its me shes not a slob so i dont know why she doesnt want to maintain the upkeep on the house every once in a while shell get in a cleaning mood and do the house top to bottom but its seldom other than sex the relationship is awesome trips vacations with family just dont wanna be a best friend/maid


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You tried, she failed.

Back to square one.

Divorce, and find another lady that loves you, and loves a round peg in her (ready and round) aperture.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I think she married you to prove to others that she was worthy, marriage worthy.

The other men saw her in the right light.
A shame, this.

I hope she can change herself, I do.

Let that be her burden, not yours.


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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

I'm always in the minority lol so here's what I think. If you were my man and you "brought up" sex...I honestly don't know how I'd respond. If you flirt all day and then grab me and take it at night you'd be doing it right. If the litter pan doesn't get cleaned give the cat away. If the dishes are in the sink tell her you'll wash and she can rinse. You, my dear, are being a doormat. Not a quality women look for in a guy.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Needingwifehelpn8 said:


> ... other than sex the relationship is awesome


So other than a critically important part of the relationship not existing, it's "awesome." Denial. It's a powerful force. I'd suggest you take a real look at your relationship and make an honest appraisal. Right now, you're head is so deep in the sand I doubt you can get oxygen to your brain. Because if you could, you'd see you are defending someone who doesn't deserve defending by her very behavior. Which is, quite frankly, what brought you here in the first place.

So I'd suggest to you that what you consider "awesome" isn't. Seriously.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Needingwifehelpn8 said:


> Starting to wonder that myself not sure what to do anymore


You know what to do.
Count yourself lucky that she's honest enough to show you who she is now, and not after years of wasting your life.

It might take a little bit to gather courage, how about getting some therapy for yourself? Not only will it assist you to accept the reality, but it could help you understand why you're ok accepting crumbs from an ingrate..


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I just don't think it was a good match and was a mistake. If you ever want to try to find someone better suited, you'll need to file and get a divorce -- and you ought to do so before she becomes pregnant. Be very careful you are not taking that chance while you divorce, just in case she actually likes things as they are now. It was just a bad match. You'll both be happier apart. Sorry.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Needingwifehelpn8 said:


> You are totally right i saw what they were doing and didnt like it and wanted to show her she was a person and not just someones sex object she blames not wanting to on work stressing her out and she’s CONSTANTLY tired


Some tough love here.

If she told you she was hooking up with 2-3, that means she was really getting with half dozen or more in whatever time period. 

whenever a Captain Save-a-ho comes along and tries to save her, what he has to show for it is other guy’s leftovers that they didn’t want but who she had the hots for. 

The problem is a guy who would wife up some gal that a bunch of other guys were banging, she will see as a loser simp. 

Even though you may have made her grandma happy and given her a home, she can’t respect a man who would rescue a ho and marry someone that the other men didn’t want, even if she herself was the ho. 

In other words, by NOT having sex with her and committing to her while she was screwing a bunch a men that didn’t want her full time, she can’t respect you and women can’t sexually desire men they don’t respect. Chicks are goofy like that. 

You shot yourself in the foot by doing what you thought was the right thing. 

It’s too late to prevent this train wreck, but my suggestion is to start listening to Richard Cooper’s “Before the Train Wreck” podcasts.

Listen to them daily until you get through all of them and you will understand how and where things went off the rails.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She’s just not wife material. You’ve already been told the truth. So what are you willing to do in order to fix your life? 
what could possibly be the negative of getting rid of her? 
she;
Doesn’t want you sexually or romantically.
Brings animals that she won’t take care of and ruins your home.
She won’t clean up or take care of you in basic ways.

You’d improve your life by:
Only having to take care of yourself.
No animals take care of.
No cat hair on your stuff.
Only having to cook and clean for you.
You could easily find a woman that would rock your world in bed and likely do a little around the house....

You only have one life. Is this who you want to spend it with? She doesn’t sound like a lot of fun to me.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

When you do a lot more in a relationship than your partner you‘ll get taken advantage of and lose respect.
Sex once a month is a sexless relationship. While your wife is a probably you are your biggest problem.

Doormats get walked on.


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

Needingwifehelpn8 said:


> im the house maid 😔😔😔need advice


My advice as a woman? Stop this ^ immediately. Stop letting her use you like this. 

She is shouting you down, because she knows you'll give up then and go right back to doing everything (everything except sex). Stand up for yourself. If she freaks out when you bring something up, hold your hand up and tell her you will talk to her later when she can be calm. She'll probably try it over and over until she realizes you mean business. Stick to your guns. 

If you continue like this, she will likely cheat or leave. You can't let her walk all over you. Stop doing everything for her. It's meant to be a partnership.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Needingwifehelpn8 said:


> Ok so not really sure how to say this but when i met my wife she had 2-3 sexual partners and when we were official it stopped 2 years later we got married we have sex but then anxiety and insecurities make it hard to keep an erection.. when i bring up sex with my wife she gets really angry and we fight and it turns into all i want from her is sex but it rarely happens its february 6th and the last time we had sex was January 13th if i bring it up at all its a FIGHT im starting to think its me and thats where the anxiety comes from all the rejected advances im really starting to think im a roommate/friend i work 5-6 days a week come home do laundry, clean , dishes i feel like the house *** when she gets to come home and go straight to the couch if dishes are in the sink they will sit there until i do them if there are dry dishes they will sit there until i out them away she leaves her cats litter box full until the cat pees and ****s on the floor when i say something she freaks out im running out of patience im not saying we have to have sex or a clean house every day but barely 1 time a month and im the house maid 😔😔😔need advice


Eject!Eject! She does not love you. She sees you as her little Bixch.


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