# When is enough, enough?



## AT317 (Sep 24, 2021)

My husband and I have been together for almost 6yrs and we have a 4yr old together. We parent very well together and when times are good, they’re really good. But when times are bad, they’re terrible. He’s never physically hit me. I’ve been pushed or shoved. It’s mostly verbal. During arguments or disagreements he’ll attack my past or my family, my upbringing, my personality, my humor - and I’m left wondering if what he’s said to me is true. Before I met him I was a pretty confident and self reliant person and it caused a lot of problems in our relationship because I would disagree with him and he’d feel
so strongly about his opinion that he’d fight me as to why I was wrong. Trying to explain to him that agreeing to disagree is ok, was and has been like speaking a foreign language to him. A few weeks ago I was explaining to him that he has manipulative behavior and that I recognize it and don’t like it. He called me a regard in front of our daughter yelling at me saying that I didn’t know what I was talking about and am just a big retard. I grabbed our daughter and left the house. Today I was upset that he had left a room a mess with the expectation that I would clean it up. He called me a ***** when I got angry and he said I need to learn how to control my emotions when I’m on my period because it makes me a real *****. These are only the most recent. When he called me a retard I told him later that day that I wanted a separation. He cried. He begged. He acknowledged his wrong doing. It took me a few weeks to forgive the fight but not his words. I don’t even know if that makes sense. I know that he is the only other person in the world who loves our daughter the way I do. I want my daughter to have her whole family. I want to feel happy and comfortable/confident in my life too. Wondering when enough is enough.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Well it sounds like you have hit up on the solution to shut him up which is to fight back but you be careful he doesn't bring out the fists that if he does you call the police.


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Life shouldn’t be including abuse. If your daughter grows up in this environment she is sure to choose a partner that provides the same dynamic - because it will be ‘her normal’.
You can both love her and parent her but not stay married. 

You’ve made the yelling and name calling ok because you’ve stayed when he does it.

Is it worth it? I doubt it. Life is too short to stay when someone isn’t kind and loving.


----------



## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

AT317 said:


> Before I met him I was a pretty confident and self reliant person and it caused a lot of problems in our relationship because I would disagree with him and he’d feel
> so strongly about his opinion that he’d fight me as to why I was wrong. Trying to explain to him that agreeing to disagree is ok, was and has been like speaking a foreign language to him. A few weeks ago I was explaining to him .....


Best not to voice any social or political opinions IMHO (outside anonymous forums).
"I like pork steak, that chocolate cake was good, didn't like that movie" opinions are OK.
Everything else is better not said out loud, you'd be amazed how much nicer your marriage and your life will become.
I would never argue with my wife about such trivia, she can say what she likes, I will not disagree ........ "that's nice darling", or "you're right" is pretty much it from me, no matter what I really think.

Same with anger, best to never display anger to anyone ever.
Far too much contention in the western world, the rest of the world isn't like that.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Best not to voice any social or political opinions IMHO (outside anonymous forums).
> "I like pork steak, that chocolate cake was good, didn't like that movie" opinions are OK.
> Everything else is better not said out loud, you'd be amazed how much nicer your marriage and your life will become.
> I would never argue with my wife about such trivia, she can say what she likes, I will not disagree ........ "that's nice darling", or "you're right" is pretty much it from me, no matter what I really think.
> ...


What??? So countries like China, North korea, Afganistan and many others arent contentious???


----------



## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> What??? So countries like China, North korea, Afganistan and many others arent contentious???


By western standards yes, by their own, probably not, we have just seen first hand how imposing Western morality on Afghanistan worked out. We should support those who want leave, but imposing our standards is not the answer.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jamieboy said:


> By western standards yes, by their own, probably not, we have just seen first hand how imposing Western morality on Afghanistan worked out. We should support those who want leave, but imposing our standards is not the answer.


I was trying to counter the argument that only the west are contentious when many parts of the world are far far worse.


----------

