# Is she up to something?



## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

I talked to a lawyer a few weeks back and got all of the necessary paperwork to fill out in order to file. Since my W isn't fighting it, I asked if she would fill out the parts pertaining to her so I didn't have to try and find all of her info myself. She agreed to do that so I sent her a blank copy of the document last week and she returned it to me today.

To my surprise, in the part that asks if W desires a name change, she put no. I sent her a text to confirm that she planned on keeping my last name (in case she misunderstood the question) and she confirmed that wanted to keep the last name.

I understand why women who have been married for years with kids would keep their married last name after a divorce but we have only been married for 1yr8mo and have no kids. I asked her why she wanted to keep my last name and she said "1) because I'm lazy and 2) I hate my maiden name"

If it wasn't for her reasons, I wouldn't have really cared about her decision to keep my last name, but since I no longer trust anything she says anymore, I'm highly suspicious shes up to something. Is it just the BS in me that's causing suspicion, or should I be concerned?


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

too hard to say. u know her better than anybody here.

guess it comes down to how much u trust, or how sensitive yer 
"gut" is.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

As long as she is not your wife anymore, who cares what she calls herself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

My gut is the problem, I've been lied too so many times, I find everything she does to be suspicious. I can't fathom what it is she could be up to, if she even is up to something, but my gut still tells me shes up to something. 

Trust me, I don't want to care what she calls herself. I've done a good job of nearly eliminating having any knowledge of what shes been doing the last few weeks. But It just seems really odd to me that she doesn't have a legitimate reason for wanting to keep my last name when we've been married for less than 2 years. I also don't have a common last name whatsoever, that's the only reason I can think of for caring. I don't want anyone to have a reason to think that we're related once the D is final, especially if her reason for wanting to keep it is simply because shes too lazy to change it. Where did all the energy go that she had when she was putting on a happy face for me and having an A behind my back?


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

anddddd my gut was right. She changed her story and now says that the #1 reason she wants to keep my last name is because she doesn't want the Dr. she works for to know shes divorced because "It's personal and embarrassing"

I told her its her choice to make, but reminded her that she'd need to prepare an excuse for when she has to get health insurance through him again.

I sincerely hope she doesn't try to run from the guilt forever. She is after all someone I cared a great amount for, and don't have any ill wishes for. Its definitely not healthy to dwell on things if that's what shes doing.

Now that I think about it there's some more "funny stuff" that shes been doing lately. Since we got married, her name on FB had always been her first name, maiden name, last name, up until recently. She removed her maiden name from it a few weeks ago so now its just her married name. I also asked her, as a reminder, today if she had removed me as the beneficiary from her life insurance policy yet (I didn't expect that she wouldn't) and she said she hadn't thought about it, but probably wouldn't until the divorce is final. I don't understand why she wouldn't want to do it now? God forbid something happens to her, but if it did, why would she chance me getting the money when I'm the one that's filing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Santofimio,

Many life insurances at work require that the spouse be the beneficiary. At my work I would have to give them a notorized letter from my husband saying that he agrees to allow someone else be the beneficiary.

There are also rules about changing beneficiaries during a divorce. Most courts do not allow that until the divorce is final. 

Do you have joint debt? You might want to keep insurance in place until it's paid off. If something does happen to the other one, the survivor would be left with 100% of the joint debt.

Just some thoughts.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Think she may be doing it just to aggravate you??


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

It may also have to do with it being a b!tch to go to through the whole process of changing all her IDs and credit cards back to her maiden name.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

it would be weirder if she remarried and kept your name


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Unless his last name is a unique name, I wouldn't sweat the fact that his stbxw wants to keeps it.


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

@Elegirl: Thank you for your input. I definitely discuss it with my lawyer.

@sigma: I don't think that's the case. But her keeping my name doesn't bother me, it was the initial bs reason she gave me that raised a flag.

@morituri: that is part of the reason. I understand it would be a pain to change everything again after less than 2 years. I think it was your thread http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/36221-mental-breakdown-dw-after-d-day.html that had me a little concerned with her reason being she doesn't want the Dr. she works for to know she got a divorce. If shes embarrassed about it, shes probably not dealing with it well. 

Yes, my last name is very unique in the U.S. and not even that common in the country of its origin.

@almostrecovered: It would be pretty weird if she remarries someday and changes her FB name to First Name, My Lastname-new H's last name.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Santofimio said:


> Yes, my last name is very unique in the U.S. and not even that common in the country of its origin.


Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Can anyone think of any LEGAL reason why she would do this? Is there any Money she would be getting by keeping his last name? After my first divorce, my wife had it put into the decree that she retain my last name because it was her business name, as well. Could this be it? Does she have a business on the side?


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?


LOL:rofl::rofl:


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

Pardon me if this comes out wrong or insensitive like, but......

Hey!
Santi!

Let "it"/her go (ASAP)!!!!!



really, yer obsessing over everything & nothing with her. IF u are really looking to resolve this then go n get some legal "what if" questions answered and.....

MOVE ON MON' !!!!!

for its like shes still got you by yer Cohones Amigo, with all this trifle biz that may be nothing more than yer own hurt, negativity, paranoia, etc.

wtf do u really need to care about what happens to her about anything? you're getting a divorce, right???

Go see the lawyer man, cuz LIFE, is passin u by BIG TIME, and JESUS wants to heal you of all your affirmities, as He does all of us!!!!!

Shalom


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

Badblood said:


> Can anyone think of any LEGAL reason why she would do this? Is there any Money she would be getting by keeping his last name? After my first divorce, my wife had it put into the decree that she retain my last name because it was her business name, as well. Could this be it? Does she have a business on the side?


We haven't been living in the same house since October so this would be a possibility if its something recent. I have doubts though because she's just not that ambitious or saavy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

Badblood said:


> LOL:rofl::rofl:


OR.....is it.........


Three Tenors 2001 - Santa Lucia Luntano - Pavarotti Domingo - YouTube

[Santa Lucia ?????


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

I guess, unless you can find out anything else, you will just have to wait and see how it plays out.


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

cb45 said:


> Pardon me if this comes out wrong or insensitive like, but......
> 
> Hey!
> Santi!
> ...


You're pardoned. If I was actually still dwelling or holding onto anything at this point then an insensitive wake-up call would be what I needed. But I'm happy to be able to tell you with confidence that I have already moved on and begun looking forward positively. 

I posted this thread just to be cautious in the very unlikely event that it could affect me somewhere down the line. I admit the thought crossed my mind for a split second to object to her decision to keep my last name out of spite. But her decision, or anything else she does, doesn't trigger any kind of emotion from me really. 

I will just mention it to the lawyer to see what he says and that will be the end of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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