# Is this normal with husband?



## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

Hi i need some insights on this ....

I've been married for 18 months and known my hubby for 5.5 years. My husband recently started to contact his ex (they dated back in 2006). 

Ex and my husband is working in the same company, its a huge international flight company. My hubby has transfer to a department for 2 years and now 2 years is up and he has since returned to the old department (where the ex is also working) since yesterday. 

A month before, i did approach my husband asking him what will he do if he were to meet up with the ex when he returns to the old department. Then he confessed he has already met up with her during one of his trip (as his ex happens reside in that country too on a short term basis where my husband is traveling to). He insisted it was just a friendly catch up to know how she is doing. He told me the special feeling has gone when one actually met up again, and besides she is dating another guy.

Then after a month later which is today, i saw in his facebook message this message "Hey XXX, i am done with my training course and i will be heading back to the same department. Hope to see you soon sometime. Hope you are happy and well my love. Hugs, xxx (my husband)"

Am i reading too much into it ?? Im really lost


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

"...and well my love. Hugs, xxx (my husband)"

Before that line I thought it wasn't a big deal. Now, not so sure.

Without going overboard, I'd let him know that you are uncomfortable/little jealous/worried about him seeing/working with her again and that you would appreciate a bit more formality between them.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I manage to communicate with my coworkers without "love" and "hugs". I have known women who used such words just in normal conversation but I don't know any men who do. Unless I wanted to test the waters with my ex, I would have avoided using such language. If his words are confusing to you and to the rest of us, they might be confused by his ex as well.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Even if there is nothing physical between them, clearly there is affection for him to use such affectionate terms. You are not reading too much because his words are inappropriate coming from a husband to someone other than his wife, coming from a co-worker to another co-worker, and coming from "_just a friendly_" ex-lover who is now married to a different woman.

I think the "_and besides she is dating another guy_" part was just to throw you off his tail/trail. But you cannot do anything about any of this yet. Unfortunately, all you can do is let it happen and monitor to gather evidence. The more you question and accuse him, the more he will deny, become angry, accuse you of not trusting him, convince you there is something wrong with you (insane, insecure, just your imagination, etc.), and blame you. When/If you confront him, you have to have proof in hand. Right now, all you have is his inappropriate verbal address.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You need to install a keylogger on his computer, and check the phone records to see who he's calling.


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

Thanks for responses. 
I had already let him know about my concerns and how it will affect me when he sees his ex but he kept insisting that there is nothing between them but purely friends. But then when i saw the facebook message i doubt its just purely friends.


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> I manage to communicate with my coworkers without "love" and "hugs". I have known women who used such words just in normal conversation but I don't know any men who do. Unless I wanted to test the waters with my ex, I would have avoided using such language. If his words are confusing to you and to the rest of us, they might be confused by his ex as well.


Yes its very confusing to me, no doubt about it. Last time he uses darling and sweetie to his co-worker too and i question about it, he said its a normal term they uses here in Australia. But using "my love" is totally a different thing! And that pisses me off.


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

Susan2010 said:


> Even if there is nothing physical between them, clearly there is affection for him to use such affectionate terms. You are not reading too much because his words are inappropriate coming from a husband to someone other than his wife, coming from a co-worker to another co-worker, and coming from "_just a friendly_" ex-lover who is now married to a different woman.
> 
> I think the "_and besides she is dating another guy_" part was just to throw you off his tail/trail. But you cannot do anything about any of this yet. Unfortunately, all you can do is let it happen and monitor to gather evidence. The more you question and accuse him, the more he will deny, become angry, accuse you of not trusting him, convince you there is something wrong with you (insane, insecure, just your imagination, etc.), and blame you. When/If you confront him, you have to have proof in hand. Right now, all you have is his inappropriate verbal address.


I have a feeling that he is lying about her being with another man, and like you said he trying to draw a perfect picture so i can fall into his trap like a fool. Yes i can only monitor and gather information now, i have print screen the evident and saved it in a safe place. We had a really bad fight when i teased him last time about a lady...he turned on me and shouted. He said "if you have nothing better to say, then ****ing dont say it" and accused me of being a crazy, immature *****. He was really upset at that point. I dont want to give him an opportunity to turn on me this way again, i want to have the upper hand this time and to do this i know i need more patience to harvest more proof.


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

turnera said:


> You need to install a keylogger on his computer, and check the phone records to see who he's calling.


I have his password to emails and facebook. It just that when they chat on facebook, i cant see the history. He's smart because he know in facebook it will not be saving the chat history. He used to chat up with her on skype and google talk previously, he has become smarter. 

I can see his phone bills record...there were three occasions he called her and texted her. Once i was away out of the country (i went back to my own country), second time when i was visiting my dog in the quarantine center while he was waiting in his car, and lastly when he was in Singapore (my home) and met up with her. I will make a copy of all these records and keep them.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

sad-wife said:


> Yes its very confusing to me, no doubt about it. Last time he uses darling and sweetie to his co-worker too and i question about it, he said its a normal term they uses here in Australia. But using "my love" is totally a different thing! And that pisses me off.


I'm an Australian, and in a professional atmosphere, it most certainly is not normal for a man to call a woman 'sweetie' or 'darling'. It could actually get a person into trouble. It could be seen as demeaning and sexist. If a coworker did it to me in a workplace, they'd soon learn not to.

'My love' is just way beyond acceptable to use on anyone but your spouse in my book.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The keylogger will show you everything he types.


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

breeze said:


> I'm an Australian, and in a professional atmosphere, it most certainly is not normal for a man to call a woman 'sweetie' or 'darling'. It could actually get a person into trouble. It could be seen as demeaning and sexist. If a coworker did it to me in a workplace, they'd soon learn not to.
> 
> 'My love' is just way beyond acceptable to use on anyone but your spouse in my book.


I understand that and thats why i bugs the hell out of me. Whenever i bring up this subject with him, he just went crazy on me and said that im crazy.


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

turnera said:


> The keylogger will show you everything he types.


do you happen to know which keylogger is more reliable ? thanks


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Sweetie darlin could be viewed as sexual harrassment to some.


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

4sure said:


> Sweetie darlin could be viewed as sexual harrassment to some.


yup under work ethnics ...my hubby is an idiot.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

sad-wife said:


> do you happen to know which keylogger is more reliable ? thanks


 Sorry, I don't. Just Google 'keyloggers' and 'reviews'


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

turnera said:


> Sorry, I don't. Just Google 'keyloggers' and 'reviews'


yup i had thanks


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