# Meeting with OW



## Wowqueen (May 20, 2017)

I've posted here previously about my SO. But now I'm asking for advice in meeting up with the OW. We all work together and our professional standards guy is trying to set up a meeting between her and I, so we can hash it out and get to the bottom of this. Reason being is my SO, says she still looks for him while everyone else at work says he harasses her.... I honestly don't care anymore, but my PS guy says it's good to squash w.e. is going on...suggestions on what I should do or say to her? 

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I don't think anything good can come from everyone still working together. He needs to find a new job, he can't be around her anymore. 

I have no idea what to say to her but I think if everyone else at work is saying he is harassing her, he is.


----------



## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

What would be the point of hashing it out with her? Be the grown up and move on.

I would have to say you both need to get new jobs.


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Not your circus. You don't have to meet with her. Cheaters are liars anyway, so why bother?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If there's one thing that I would absolutely hate from a cheating spouse who is covertly messing around on me, it would preeminently have to be their incessant lying about it!

Such people are total cowards!*


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Meeting with the OW could be a trap. You never know what she will say about you to others.

You two don't have a relationship in which compromise is possible and you're not in a position to dictate to her.

What's the point?


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You've mentioned in several posts that he says he's done. I'm not sure what good you think confrontation would do at this point. Can you elaborate on that?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Araucaria said:


> Not your circus. You don't have to meet with her. Cheaters are liars anyway, so why bother?


She is not trying to set up a meeting. The Professional Standards person is trying to set up the meeting.

Yeah. Just refuse to do what Professional Standards wants. So long as you do not mind be drummed out of your industry.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm certain that an attorney would tell you that nothing good can come from this meeting. If anyone needs to sit down at work and hash things out, it's your husband and the OW, not YOU.

Not sure what a "professional standards" guy is, but where I work our HR department would cringe at the idea of a meeting like this. Think, lawsuit?

Do not attend this meeting.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

What does the company think this will accomplish? Sounds like this could go badly in a lot of ways, how can their legal department think that this is a sane thing to do.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Wowqueen said:


> I've posted here previously about my SO. But now I'm asking for advice in meeting up with the OW. We all work together and our professional standards guy is trying to set up a meeting between her and I, so we can hash it out and get to the bottom of this. Reason being is my SO, says she still looks for him while everyone else at work says he harasses her.... I honestly don't care anymore, but my PS guy says it's good to squash w.e. is going on...suggestions on what I should do or say to her?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk


In your other threads you said you had left him and he had agreed to give you almost full custody of your daughter and agreed to pay some child support.You are now calling him your SO,has something changed?
Why would you want to meet with this woman and I find it impossible to believe that any HR dept would want to get involved.
This is probably some busybody sticking their nose in and you should go to a senior manager and get this sorted out.
If you do talk to this woman your first question should be why was she sleeping with a married man who had a child.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Why are you pushing this? He has more or less left you, he is not your SO anymore, he is into this OW. Let him have what he wants, give him a divorce, or better still you file but let everyone at his workplace know, your family, his family, your friends, all and sundry, make sure you have a lawyer, get full child support, etc and move on with your life and get someone who is a decent human being, your WSO is not! Why are you going over and over this?
The OW will have no loyalty to you, what do you expect from this meeting? What do you expect to gain, a full confession? an apology? Bet your bottom dollar she will have aligned stories with him and you will look like a desperate fool. Stop it, when he says he is done, believe him the first time and move on.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Where I work, Pro-Standards is run by the employee group completely insulated from management. It is there to deal with a long list of potential problem as peers rather than letting things escalate to where management gets involved. I can see how this sort of situation fits in with their mission. However, unless you have to personally interact with OW for work, this is not a Pro-Standards issue. That is, your work and her work are not impacted by you both working there. You can love her or hate her, but it won't affect safety or quality of work if you never interact.

So, my view would be there is no reason for you to meet with OW in any kind of work related venue.

It sounds like there may be a problem because either she or your husband are still having some kind of contact which is impacting work. Since Pro-Standards is involved, there is some kind of problem. That would be between your husband and OW to work out, or, for the company to solve. Pro-Standards may be intervening so as to prevent things from progressing to somebody getting fired or moved to a different location. But, not your problem, so there's no reason for you to meet OW.

Outside of work, of course there is a personal connection to you. I don't see any value in you meeting with OW in general.


----------

