# So my wife has now asked me for a divorce



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

I am devastated. She says her heart isn't there anymore. She indicates that she wants everything concluded amicably for the sake of our 2 young children.

She says we need to work on our next move to move forward. She says I should be the one to leave our home.

We have our home because of me. Shouldnt she be the one to vacate since she is the one pursuing the divorce?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Tell her no. She wants out then she leaves. 

This is a result of being wishy washy and being a nice guy. 

We told you she was having and affair and to cover it up more she wants a divorce and for you to leave so she can move the affair into YOUR HOUSE!!

Tell her no. She leaves or comes clean. Stand up for yourself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Don't go anywhere.

Don't even offer to sleep in another room.

Absolutely resolute.


----------



## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

Sound like me 2 months ago. Don't go anywhere. You stay in the house with the kids. She is the one that needs to leave if anything. Nail down the affair thing. Find out what is going on. If she is deep in one, exposure is probably your best bet... Sorry man, but it's really rough from here.


----------



## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

You need to 100% figure out the affair thing and she can leave.



> She says her heart isn't there anymore


 Wording it like that means she has given it to someone else. Most people say I don't love you anymore.

Theres really nothing to lose at this point to track down this affair thing. Break into her e-mail/phone/phone records/anything. If there was no affair, you don't lose anything.

Otherwise, a few months from now the other man moves into your house with your kids and you are living in a friends basement.


----------



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

She is absolutely adamant that there is no affair. I just dont know. Everyone says there is. I still dont see where she would have the time.

I wouldn't know how to track one down even if I wanted to. All her stuff including laptop and Blackberry are password protected.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Hire a PI.


----------



## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Take it from me, the worst mistake you can make is leave your home. I'm currently suffering the consequences of doing this because it felt right at the time. I wish I could go back and do it over. Believe me. If a woman wants to cheat, they can be quite crafty in making it happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Here's another post telling you to stay in your home. She wants out of the marriage--tell her she can leave any time. I don't even think I would waste time (and money) investigating an affair unless it could help you in divorce precedings. Focus your efforts on your home and children.

Good luck to ya!


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

She 'asked' you? Or did she tell you SHE's divorcing you? Big big difference.


----------



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

She said "our marriage is over". In therapy she indicated she was at a point of no return. Said she thinks that a split would be best for all involved including the kids. She says " 
"I don't want to go to war with you" and wants the split to be amicable for the sake of everybody and legal fees.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

I don't think papers have been filed. But I know she's seen an attorney.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

That's kind of vague. Is she taking the first legal step or are you going to an arbitrator together. I harp on this because I'm sure my wife would love it if I did all the work, took care of all the details, paid all the money, if only for the thrill of creating all sorts of obstacles and road blocks to an equitable ending. And I know she will never make the first or any move.


----------



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

She also said " I love you, respect you, you can be really sweet, youre a good dad, your incredibly smart and clever and you are good looking. But she says she has "grown" and that she loves me as a person but no longer wants to be married to me because she has lost that feeling in her heart.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

RLD, she wants us to get advice from our social worker what to do next, then proceed. That would probably entail going to an arbitrator together in her eyes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well all I can say is amicable is better than antagonistic. If you can sweep away all the mumbo jumbo and just get on with the process of splitting up it will go much smoother. Contentious family law is THE WORST thing. I know former family lawyers who gave it up to defend murderers, rapists and drug dealers because it was less stressful. 

So if she's seen an attorney you should too. And then and only then you should bring up the option of arbitration which is cheaper and easier. Amicable.


----------



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

But how can it be amiacable if she thinks I should leave my house when shes proposing divorce. How can it be amicable if I confirm she's been stashing away cash that was supposed to go towards our family. How can it be amicable if the cheating thing that everyone suspects is real.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Right you are. It's a front. You answered your own question.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

If she says there is no love, she wants to leave the relationship, set her free. 

But like everybody said here, she wants to end, she should leave. Whoever says end first leaves, don't let her take advantage of you anymore. You are losing your marriage, at least you get to have some wealth. It will help you move on faster. If you become a total loser in the battle, it will take you a long time to recover. 

Just read an article a few days ago, it says during a divorce, there are winners and losers. The winners move on faster, the losers sink into depression. Make sure you don't become a loser. It is her who wants to leave, so at least she should have the guts to find her life somewhere else.

Many years ago I wanted to leave my ex, neither of us was wrong. I think my ex recovered very fast because I left everything to him, an apartment and all the savings. He wasn't a total loser, I wasn't a total winner. We are friends today, when we talk, we are very respectful towards each other. He has my(his) son's custody and my son lives with him, I help him raise and teach my(his) son. I never try to meddle his life, he never tried to meddle my life, we both want each other to be happy. Now his life is peaceful, my life is peaceful!


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

pjbap said:


> RLD, she wants us to get advice from our social worker what to do next, then proceed. That would probably entail going to an arbitrator together in her eyes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If she moves out, sue her for divorce.


----------



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I wouldn't be moving out I can tell you that much!! In fact if my relationship was to the point where divorce was even seriously talked about I would say "See ya!!" but in a few more words!!

Best of luck good luck on the amicable split.


----------



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

nellie1208 said:


> Yes! I agree. :iagree:
> 
> But I think it would be improper, why not talk about this seriously?? You should think of the sake of your children especially the relationship of your family. As a father of two kids, you should think of what is the best for them.
> 
> And as a couple, you two should fix this. Did you ever bother to ask her why she has decided to have a divorce? I think it's not only because she doesn't feel any love for you anymore. Maybe there is something deeper.


I tried and tried and tried to see if my wife would work "with me" to fix us. That is figure out what EACH OF US could do better to make the other happy in a time of crisis. She has been uncooperative, and even rationalizing that I am am, abusive guy (which I am not). And of course as everyone had said, there had to be reason for her decisions and actions..

Maybe there is something deeper? You bet. Another di--ck. When I started this thread on 3/12 I already had some inkling there was a third party involved here. Everybody else did too. I just refused to believe and accept. I asked my wife "who is he", and she always always denied and simply said "I just don't want to be married to you anymore". Why is that, because she wants to be with the OM. That is a known fact.

So my wife strung me along for awhile, meanwhile there has been this deep affair for some time. I have it uncovered completely. Although I didn't want to accept what seemed to be evident I did decide to enlist help for investigations. Too bad for me the findings pains my soul to no end where I can't talk about it without crying. Having the affair is one thing. Asking for the divorce is another. But the lying, manipulations, controlling behavior, the use of me to support her affair while not contributing monetarily into our household,. and making me out to be the bad guy is another. I didn't deserve this, although she will rationalize that I did. 

I hope she rots in hell to be honest with you. I'm not even sure if I trust this woman with my kids. This is a good role model? That scares me completely and is something I have to think about in terms of custody. My wife and I are not religious, but at least I'm moral. She obviously is NOT, not only because of the affair but how she's acted in the midst of the affair.

This is the woman I loved for 16 years, and has been a huge part of my soul. What she did and how she acted has been nothing but pure selfishness, and as far as I'm concerned makes her a bad, lousy ass person in my eyes. I am WAY better of a individual to be married to a person like this. 

I'm going to need some serious counseling. (Just wept like a baby as I finished writing this)


----------

