# does he/she want me back?



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

it seems that most of the people suffering through separation are looking for the same answer: "does he/she still love me?" i have no vested interest in any "get my ex back" programs, so i'm not gonna say where this came from, but i find it encouraging. read on...

Positive signs your ex wants you back:

Your ex has kept the lines of communication open and reminds you that they are open. 

Your ex has initiated contact on more than one occasion. 

They have contacted you for no particular reason. (Signs your ex wants and needs to maintain contact.) 

They have contacted you about things that have happened to them and how they felt about them. 

They have called to ask your advice. (Signs your ex needs to share as if you were still a team - partners) 

Your ex always seems to be where you are. 

They are nervous and flustered when you meet. However… 

They are not anxious to get away and seem to look for ways to prolong your meeting. 

Your ex has told you about or invited you to situations that bring you together. 

Your ex has not formed any new relationships and, just in case you don’t get it… 

Your ex has made it clear (themselves or through friends) that they are not interested in new relationships. 

They (or their friends) have been sounding you out (or your friends) on whether you would be interested in getting back together with your ex. (One of the clearest signs your ex wants you back but they want to check out how you feel before making a move.) 

Your ex appears to be trying to impress you, with a new look, recent achievements, etc. 

They have mentioned efforts they have made or are making to be a better person. 

They have changed something about themselves that you always hated.


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## now_what (Sep 17, 2008)

Well I guess I am beyond separation now, since my dissolution was final March 30, but before that my ex was pretty much doing the first five items. I didn't think we had any chance of getting back together and I really didn't want him back, but it did raise my curiosity a bit. But now, since I found out that he took a marriage license out only 14 days after the dissolution and that he lied to me about not planning to get married - I have no idea why he was calling me to ask for advice, calling me when he got hurt, initiating contact and trying to keep the lines of communication open. I think I can see it now that he was just trying to make me somewhat happy and being friendly so the dissolution would go as planned, as quickly as possible to avoid a possible delay, so he could get remarried as soon as possible. So, he had an agenda, others may not, but he certainly did.


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

I guess I need to just file for divorce. My estranged husband hasn't done any of those things! He has only done those things for his girlfriends over the past few years. lol


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## foreverhurt (Mar 15, 2009)

My is has been doing 9 of those things. He even wants to talk and see each other some to see where it goes. But...then I get informed he has a friend with benefits, but it's not a relationship. They both know it can never go anywhere. Who can figure this stuff out. I'm tired. I love him dearly, spent 26 years with him. I can't imagine life without him. But I'm TIRED. I sent separtation papers a month and a half ago and that is what started the "suppose trying on his part". But again I am tired. So I have revised the papers and I am sending them out today. I have a date tonight, and another one on in the week. I love him, but I deserve more.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

foreverhurt said:


> My is has been doing 9 of those things. He even wants to talk and see each other some to see where it goes. But...then I get informed he has a friend with benefits, but it's not a relationship. They both know it can never go anywhere. Who can figure this stuff out. I'm tired. I love him dearly, spent 26 years with him. I can't imagine life without him. But I'm TIRED. I sent separtation papers a month and a half ago and that is what started the "suppose trying on his part". But again I am tired. So I have revised the papers and I am sending them out today. I have a date tonight, and another one on in the week. I love him, but I deserve more.


interesting, you counted the number of things he is doing. you say you love him dearly. yet you say you're "tired." can't imagine life without him??? try this:

he has a "friend with benefits." in this new life without him, you'll not have to be concerned about his "fwb's", you can let the 26 years go, you can date, date, date. and you'll still be "tired." because you DO love him dearly. you think that's going to change? don't bet on it.


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## foreverhurt (Mar 15, 2009)

I know that's no going to change. But I am so mentally tired. Feel like I am fighting a losing battle! At this point, I'm trying to convince myself to stop communication with him. I when a month of not talking to him, and I was feeling alittle better. Wasn't thinking of him all the time. When we started to "talk and see where it would go", I started to have a hope. I could tell he was enjoying talking to me. I felt we were really making progress, yet after weeks of talking we weren't moving pass this. I thought I was just being impatient. But then to learn about his "fwb". How can I continue to talk to him and let my hopes build up? So do I date and continue to talk to him or do I cut off all contact and give up? That's the real question I do feel for my benefit I do need to get out and date. Nothing serious, just to try to start a life. It's such a struggle. If I don't talk to him, I will begin to heal, but then be left with "what if"? If I continue to talk, then am I wasting my time and just setting myself up for more hurt? All this is what is making me so tired!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

foreverhurt said:


> I know that's no going to change. But I am so mentally tired. Feel like I am fighting a losing battle! At this point, I'm trying to convince myself to stop communication with him. I when a month of not talking to him, and I was feeling alittle better. Wasn't thinking of him all the time. When we started to "talk and see where it would go", I started to have a hope. I could tell he was enjoying talking to me. I felt we were really making progress, yet after weeks of talking we weren't moving pass this. I thought I was just being impatient. But then to learn about his "fwb". How can I continue to talk to him and let my hopes build up? So do I date and continue to talk to him or do I cut off all contact and give up? That's the real question I do feel for my benefit I do need to get out and date. Nothing serious, just to try to start a life. It's such a struggle. If I don't talk to him, I will begin to heal, but then be left with "what if"? If I continue to talk, then am I wasting my time and just setting myself up for more hurt? All this is what is making me so tired!


Are you getting counseling? It is hard to hear about you suffering like this when a good therapist might be able to help you get past this. Why continue to have feelings for someone who clearly does not have your best interests in mind? You are worth more than that, so work on finding that sense of yourself that will let you move on. Best of luck.


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## foreverhurt (Mar 15, 2009)

I am going to a councilor. I go every week. It does help. She seems to think I am moving in a good direction, but she also understand that we have so many years together that it's hard to shut off the love. I trying really hard to move on. I even have a few dates going on.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

foreverhurt said:


> I am going to a councilor. I go every week. It does help. She seems to think I am moving in a good direction, but she also understand that we have so many years together that it's hard to shut off the love. I trying really hard to move on. I even have a few dates going on.


three counselors now have told me that it's hard to shut off the love. "evidence" one says...the evidence tells you the love is still there...dinner, movies, calls, texts, her calling me "honey"...

i have to "give it time"...patience, that keeps coming up.

foreverhurt...i'm not giving up on my wife...hopefully you aren't giving up on your spouse. please try, okay?


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## toomanytears (Apr 15, 2009)

forever hurt.....I so understand how you feel. I decided though after the cruel and deceitful way husband left, his continued affair with OW and no contact with me after being diagnosed with cancer that even if I did still love him, I would learn to not love him eventually. I do not see myself ever forgiving him but my situation with the diagnosis of cancer and disability is the reason. I deserve better and even if I never have another relationship again, I still deserve better than him and would gladly be alone the rest of my life than to take a sorry SOB like him back after all he has done! 

I guess you have to just look at your situation and decide from there what you are willing to put up with and not.


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## foreverhurt (Mar 15, 2009)

Thanks tomanytears! Voivod I went to see the councilor today. Talking with her, I had to admit somethings to myself. One is that I still have hope and I'm not giving up. (Just backing off) Another thing that is the hardest of all to admit to is that even with a FWB, I still want to try. That's hard for me to admit to because it makes my opinion of myself pretty low. So, right or wrong.....I have decided to continue talking with my husband, but....he will NOT disrespect me by saying anything about another woman. I will NOT sleep with him again,etc. We can talk nightly, and maybe one day we will get to a good place and he will decide he wants ME. I deserve alot better, and will get that from him or there won't be an us. I did have separation papers mailed to him. I am mentally tired and I am going to date. I wished I could close the door on my marriage, but I can't. So, I'm leaving the door open, but at the sametime trying to move in a good direction.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

foreverhurt said:


> Thanks tomanytears! Voivod I went to see the councilor today. Talking with her, I had to admit somethings to myself. One is that I still have hope and I'm not giving up. (Just backing off) Another thing that is the hardest of all to admit to is that even with a FWB, I still want to try. That's hard for me to admit to because it makes my opinion of myself pretty low. So, right or wrong.....I have decided to continue talking with my husband, but....he will NOT disrespect me by saying anything about another woman. I will NOT sleep with him again,etc. We can talk nightly, and maybe one day we will get to a good place and he will decide he wants ME. I deserve alot better, and will get that from him or there won't be an us. I did have separation papers mailed to him. I am mentally tired and I am going to date. I wished I could close the door on my marriage, but I can't. So, I'm leaving the door open, but at the sametime trying to move in a good direction.


good.

well, in my opinion, the best YOU you can present would be the one that tells him to lose the fwb.

be strong, keep yourself in the game, and don't lose faith!


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## foreverhurt (Mar 15, 2009)

I did send him a text and explained why this would never work as long as he had a FWB. That we needed to be building trust and respect,etc. That what was the point in us talking then? I got a text back just saying, I had a point. I was sure if he meant I had a point on not talking or I had a point on what we needed to be doing. He didn't lose to FWB. Anyway, a few days later he texted and asked if I had mailed him a certified letter. I told him yes, they were the separation papers. He was so mad. I never lost my cool, just said I didn't see why he was so mad that this was what he wanted. He said he was so mad because I wasn't worried about him. I got the kids (because they don't want to talk to him or see him 23,22, and 14) and I just wanted money for life. He hadn't even seen the papers! It was obvious he was just mad cause I sent them. After a few more ugly text from him, I told him I wasn't trying to do anything to him, that he was my kids dad. That 1 more ugly text for phone call and I would have my number changed. That I would always love him, but it was time for the bull**** to stop. He was quiet for a couple of days and then he text last night,, nice and just wanted to ask a question. I answered nicely, but cut it off with that. I'm pretty much back to NC. I did go out on a date, he knows we will just be friends. I had so much fun and felt like for the first time I can survive without the ex if needed. But...my heart is still broken.


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