# Infidelity Conversations



## tpdallas (Aug 28, 2015)

I'm just curious...

For those that have committed adultery what did you and the other man or woman ever talk about what the two of you were doing? 

Did you just pretend it wasn't happening? 

If you stayed with that person, when did you start talking about being together and leaving your spouse...months, weeks?

Like what did/do you talk about and did it seem genuine?

Sports
Work
Family
Sex
Finances 
Dreams

This inquiring mind wants to know.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

I didn't talk about **** with OM. Because we were friends before. Good friends, my husbands best friend.

No, we didn't have deep conversations. We just decided to **** up everyone's lives by being selfish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I think they are to busy to talk.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

tpdallas said:


> I'm just curious...
> 
> For those that have committed adultery what did you and the other man or woman ever talk about what the two of you were doing?
> 
> ...


What we talked about also depends. If it was casual random ONS, we probably just chatted as people at bars and/or parties do.

The OM that were friends I talked about the typical things friends talk about. Nothing too personal.

With the two "special" OM, I talked about more personal topics, but I always held some things back because I didn't want more of an emotional connection than FWB. 

With my final AP and now DH, we talked about anything and everything from politics to our childhood nightmares to our exes to our dreams and fantasies and hidden desires.


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I've always wondered this too. Like if the two cheaters stay together, how do they explain how they got together, especially to their children. Or if they are talking to family or friends, and one of them says, "Remember that little Bed & Breakfast we stayed at in "08?" Umm, oops, 2008 was when they were still married to other people. It's like they constantly have to stay on their toes regarding dates and places.

ETA: So really the lying and covering up just continues, lol.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> I've always wondered this too. Like if the two cheaters stay together, how do they explain how they got together, especially to their children. Or if they are talking to family or friends, and one of them says, "Remember that little Bed & Breakfast we stayed at in "08?" Umm, oops, 2008 was when they were still married to other people. It's like they constantly have to stay on their toes regarding dates and places.
> 
> ETA: So really the lying and covering up just continues, lol.


We've never hidden how we met or when we started dating from anyone. Not friends, family, or the kids.


----------



## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

I'm a BS but this was something I had wanted more details about. Unfortunately, my wife can't remember all the conversations but has answered what she can. I wanted to know what OM had said about me and just how much she told OM about me and us. She claims the worst thing OM said about me was he just didn't understand my thinking. This was the answer to my wife telling OM I didn't find her attractive anymore.

I don't understand how she could think that but she did. She also thought our marriage was over, but she never told me. OM's answer to that was, he couldn't believe I wanted a divorce from my wife. Here comes a shocking revelation, I didn't, but I thought about it during the affair she had with OM. For that six months I couldn't do anything without my wife getting upset. So yeah, I thought about divorce because she was having sex with OM. Absolutely shocking!!!!

I have a question though, instead of having an affair, why didn't you divorce first? Would your lifestyle have been affected? As in how you lived? Afraid of being alone? Why hadn't you taken yourself of the singles market? 

My wife has said she didn't look for an affair, but she didn't turn it down either. That is just one little detail that makes reconciliation so difficult, you have to accept and then move past this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

I can't remember specifics but there was no texting then so a lot of what we said was in written notes. 

We never talked about sex- we did refer to the first kiss as being "inappropriate" and we promised that we would never cross that line again.- he said he would marry someone with children- would never leave a wife like me home alone all time, he appreciated my humour and intellect -envied the fact that H was so secure that he didn't care if I was out at a bar without him (during EA)

Mostly talked about things you would tell a new friend so that they know you better- all the stories that your old friends have already heard- the important good and bad ones from childhood. We talked about what happened throughout the day. Shared feelings regarding issues- religion, work, things we were interested in.

At the time H was never home and when he was he would walk away while I was talking, shut the light off and close the door while I was telling him about my day, turn the channel while I'm sobbing about an act of abuse from my childhood. I think OM was a bit of a predator and realized what he could do to reel me in. Obviously I wasn't stopping him. It was the conversational need that wasn't being met for me.


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

My XWW talked trash about me to her POSOM. He joined in at times. Mostly about how he made more money than me and didn't have to work as long making it. 

I just assumed the trash talking was normal. It seemed to be a sort of justification for them.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

tpdallas said:


> I'm just curious...
> 
> For those that have committed adultery what did you and the other man or woman ever talk about what the two of you were doing?
> 
> ...


Star Trek Voyager. No, really. We were both Trekkies, my wife hates Star Trek and thus began the slippery slope.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> I've always wondered this too. Like if the two cheaters stay together, how do they explain how they got together, especially to their children. Or if they are talking to family or friends, and one of them says, "Remember that little Bed & Breakfast we stayed at in "08?" Umm, oops, 2008 was when they were still married to other people. It's like they constantly have to stay on their toes regarding dates and places.
> 
> ETA: So really the lying and covering up just continues, lol.


That can cause triggers. As in: "Remember when we had our dirty weekend in Brighton?" Embarrassed silence of several seconds from me followed by me saying: "Actually, that wasn't me you went to Brighton with, that was (_POSOM's name_)."

My wife then said: "Oh! Sorry. So it was."


----------



## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

Also OM said he thought I thought of H like he was Jesus.
So nope I never trash talked him. 

Once I was crying sitting on his apt floor and he asked me what was wrong? I thought the circumstances were cry worthy. What I was doing, why I thought I was doing it, what kind of a person am I that does this..how did my marriage get to a point where I thought this was ok to do…but I didn't say anything. I think I shrugged and said something like "everything obviously"


----------



## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

MattMatt you and your wife make me laugh!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

nursejackie said:


> MattMatt you and your wife make me laugh!


Our relationship can be a little 'odd' at times as my wife is a High Functioning Asperger's.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Our relationship can be a little 'odd' at times as my wife is a High Functioning Asperger's.


Does it bother you when she says things like that? Or does it help you because she's so honest?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LosingHim said:


> Does it bother you when she says things like that? Or does it help you because she's so honest?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes it is because she is being honest, other times she says things without thinking.

And it can be hurtful. But I ignore it, in the main. Sometimes I call her on it.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Star Trek Voyager. No, really. We were both Trekkies, my wife hates Star Trek and thus began the slippery slope.


Ugh! In order of best to worst...DS9, TNG and Voyager in a tie, and original Star Trek tied with Enterprise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

Someone upthread asked why not divorce. For me, it was the kids.

I married ex because I got pregnant accidentally (birth control plus antibiotic equals a trip to the maternity ward) and then I got pregnant again (condom fail) 4 years in.

I thought we'd be friendly and coparent until the kids were a bit older and then go our separate ways. It became intolerable before then.


----------



## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> I've always wondered this too. Like if the two cheaters stay together, how do they explain how they got together, especially to their children. Or if they are talking to family or friends, and one of them says, "Remember that little Bed & Breakfast we stayed at in "08?" Umm, oops, 2008 was when they were still married to other people. It's like they constantly have to stay on their toes regarding dates and places.
> 
> ETA: So really the lying and covering up just continues, lol.


If you're my ex-husband and his POS girlfriend, you tell people you met at a get-together of old high school friends after his divorce was final, when the truth is you met a funeral over a year ago when he was still married and living with his now ex-wife and son, and he had no intention of ever telling her about that, but she found out mostly because the POS girlfriend made sure she did.

He actually tried to float that one by his own brother about a month ago. I guess it never occurred to him that I might talk to his brother (who called me) again. Or that his sister who knows the truth might tell it to his brother, which she did months ago.

I can't imagine what those idiots talked about since they have absolutely nothing in common other than having gone to the same high school (three years apart, and they didn't know each other then), other than how fast he could get divorced from me so they could be together. Turns out you can start proceedings in January, and by July, you can be free and clear.

I did see one idiotic text exchange once shortly after I found out about her:

Him: I'm at the hotel in Quito. Going down to breakfast soon. I'll call you when I'm back home. Love you.

Her: Bailey woke me up this morning, but I payed [sic] him back. Love you.

(Bailey was her dog. How exactly does one pay a dog back for waking her up? And she writes training materials for Financial Advisors at Edward Jones. And can't spell the word "paid." Did I mention they were a couple of idiots?)


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

tpdallas said:


> I'm just curious...
> 
> For those that have committed adultery what did you and the other man or woman ever talk about what the two of you were doing?
> 
> ...


One memorable ocasion I remember we talked about the Letters of Saint Paul. 

She has two Doctorates, one being ThD, a Doctor of theology.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

Saw several texts where H or OW said "okey dokey" as a sign off. 
On one day there were 14 texts between them (chatty stuff) and the only thing he meant to erase was the "okay dokey" 

I asked him why erase THAT of all things? He said I might misinterpret it as some kind of code for something more intimate.

Hmmmm…. well I hadn't until you erased it…and now I do

Sheeesh!!!! 
I said she sounds like an fool.


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

My H says he can't remember what they talked about.
1. She told him what a terrible wife she was, and she cried to get his attention. This was their first conversation in person.

The rest was carried out on the phone, about 80 hours worth of calls:
2. She counseled him on his marriage to me...how to make it better. (Her first excuse to call him.)
3. She asked him what he thought about oral sex. His response was that he thought it was fine, in marriage. She said she didn't used to like it, but she was starting to. (Was she offering him a BJ? He didn't realize she was, but I recognized her sneaky plan when he told me about that conversation.)
4. She complained about her husband. Mr. IMFAR doesn't remember what he said about me.
5. She was planning their wedding ceremony....so she could get and give some oral sex?

All this over a 2 week period. Ugh.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

IMFarAboveRubies said:


> My H says he can't remember what they talked about.
> 1. She told him what a terrible wife she was, and she cried to get his attention. This was their first conversation in person.
> 
> The rest was carried out on the phone, about 80 hours worth of calls:
> ...


The problem is when aural sex turns into oral sex. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> The problem is when aural sex turns into oral sex. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thank God that it didn't turn into the real thing. Then I'd have more scars.


----------



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I would love to know what my W and her 4 OM talked about, but I'm resigned to the fact that I will never know for sure, and it was so long ago. The closest I have gotten is a pretty good idea of where they went (locations) and what they did (behavior). Some were more physical than others, so I suspect conversations were nothing more than "call me when you're in town, so we can get together". 
I wish I had known about weightlifter's thread and the use of VARs back then. That could have provided some insight into the inner discussions of the 2 parties while under the fog.
While my W is currently subject to a NC agreement with all former APs, I would love to get both her and a certain longterm OM in a room together and ask questions for a few hours. But the chances of them answering honestly are slim. And his well known narcissistic personality would probably cause the Q/A session to go off track quickly.


----------

