# Wife trying to leave...



## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Wife and I have been married 15 years have 3 wonderful kids.

Apparently she's been planning to leave me for at least a couple of months. I have NEVER been abusive. She says I am abusive and controlling. She has some psych issues, was diagnosed bipolar a couple years ago but refuses meds. Because of her erratic behavior I've been forced to take on a caretaker role. I cook most of the meals, do all of the grocery shopping, except the odd run to the store for a couple of items. I work from home, run a business and bring her breakfast and coffee in bed almost every morning.

I'm no saint, but she currently has "friends" helping her plot to run away to a domestic violence shelter  [ NONE of these friends are even LOCAL or have MET either of us!!! ] Our LOCAL friends do NOT see me as abusive at all. She curiously isn't seeking them out for support.

She has agreed to go see a marriage counselor, but ONLY to help us get along, not for hoping to reconcile. She is seeking therapy through the DV shelter...

I feel like I woke up and have started taking crazy pills. She said for YEARS that our sex life was awesome, bragged to friends about me. Yesterday she said it was ****ty. She can't see one positive thing about me and it feels like she's seeing the past through a weirdo vision idk. 

I would REALLY REALLY love to save this marriage and keep our family together. But I feel like I've got all these people against me and I don't know what to do.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh boy... this is not unusual for a bi polar person to get to this point on one of their phases... either up or down.

These friends who have never met her. Are they web friends? Do you know what web site it is if it's a web site?


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Yes they are facebook friends.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

They mainly text though at this point.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How do you know this is what they are talking about? Do you have have access to her FB account?

You are in a bad spot because it's hard to defend yourself such accussations.

Do you know which center for DV she is using?


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Some local one. I know because I was able to discover her texts and discover that she's been snooping on my computer and trying to access my phone also. After she told me that was a controlling behavior and wanted it to stop. The ONLY reason I did it is because I had a gut feeling that these friends were feeding her crap.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I do not have access to her FB account anymore. But that didn't stop her from snooping on my computer.  pot, you have become the kettle lol


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## depressed dad (Jan 20, 2013)

Hang in there. I just joined today and I feel connected with almost every story I've read today. Know that there are people on your side. I've gotten very uplifting replies from many good people.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Thanks depressed dad


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My belief about marriage is that there is no privacy except (except in the bathroom). We have a file where we keep all of our account info to include passwords. IT’s far too easy to set sucked into things on the internet.

The problem with her getting help from a DV place is that they can help her move out of your home with your children.

I know that many times there has to be a police report for domestic violence and abuse to be recognized as a real thing.

I’m trying to think of something proactive that you can do here. Does she do anything that you would consider abusive? Does she yell? Throw things? Break things? Belittle you, etc?


Does she have a job outside the home?


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

A little more background:

This is the third time she's threatened to leave me.

it ALWAYS is in December, and it didn't start happening until after a traumatic miscarriage in 05 or 06. And she always has completely turned around by February. 

And there is ALWAYS someone else. Whether a guy, or a "supportive friend"


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

OHHH does she do anything that's abusive.......

She yells, calls me cuss words, flips me off, is angry all the time, she actually punched me in the face while I was holding our 4 year old in July of last year.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

She does NOT have a job outside the home, she blames that on me of course, because I am self employed and she's needed to stay at home and provide child care. The jobs she has had she has quit every one.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

She recently decided to go to cosmetology school. So she's going to school at night, M-F.

And she comes home, tells me about her schooling, all excited, and we usually watch tv together. It's all completely surreal.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did she have her miscarriage in December?

Hopefully this is short lived.

One thing that you might be able to do (if this does not fix itself by Feb) is to go to a VD place (try to find out the one she is going to) and see if you can get joint counseling from them to address this issue. If you come in as a concerned husband willing to do what is necessary to fix your marriage and to make her feel safe (even if she actually is safe) you might be able to get them to realize that she has other problems.. like the BP.

That's what I would do.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

koolaiddude said:


> OHHH does she do anything that's abusive.......
> 
> She yells, calls me cuss words, flips me off, is angry all the time, she actually punched me in the face while I was holding our 4 year old in July of last year.


Ok so she is abusing you and has used violence. 

You might want to consider geting a VAR (voice activated recorder) to have on you when you are around her. If you do this do not tell her you have it. THe idea is self protection.

If she is making false claims of abuse then she might become embolded enough to acutally call the police and make false claims against you. With a VAR you can get a recording and play it for the police so that they can hear what really happened.

Make sure that you never yell back at her or say anything mean, etc to her.

Check your state laws for what is legal in recording a conversation. In some states all parties involved must agree to the recording. In other states only one person needs to agree... that would be you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

koolaiddude said:


> She recently decided to go to cosmetology school. So she's going to school at night, M-F.
> 
> And she comes home, tells me about her schooling, all excited, and we usually watch tv together. It's all completely surreal.


Then she has something positive right now. THis is good. Hopefully she will like this and keep a job in the future.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

koolaiddude said:


> She does NOT have a job outside the home, she blames that on me of course, because I am self employed and she's needed to stay at home and provide child care. The jobs she has had she has quit every one.


What are the ages of your children? 

You can always hire someone to come into your home and watch the children. I used to do that when my son was young and I worked from home.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

No, her miscarriage was in nov 05 I think? Then that following year she went whacky got attached to a guy, the had a supportive "friend" left me for all of like 2 days.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Problem is I can't afford to really :-/

they are 12, 11 and 5. next year they will all be in school at least.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

People often have 'anniversary' grief. If she lost the baby in Nov then it could make sense that she's thrown into some bad emotional state for a couple of months. If she is BP then something like this could throw her off for quite a few weeks/months. 

What did she do to deal with the loss? Did she get any grief counseling?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

koolaiddude said:


> Problem is I can't afford to really :-/
> 
> they are 12, 11 and 5. next year they will all be in school at least.


Do you mean that you cannot afford child care? 

Once she is working you will be able to. Even if you use most of her income for child care, she will be building her ability to earn a living. With her threatening to leave all the time it seems that having her able to support herself is important. This way you would not be stuck with long-term alimoney. Plus maybe she needs semethign like that to keep her mind busy.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

She refuses to spend ANY of her money towards the family. She plans to save it all and use it to eventually leave.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

If I asked her to pitch in for child care she would tell me that it's her money and I'm being controlling by asking ....


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

She didn't get any grief counseling. and also, last year she had a rough miscarriage and almost bled to death. That's how I connected briefly with her the other night. Working through that grief.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

koolaiddude said:


> If I asked her to pitch in for child care she would tell me that it's her money and I'm being controlling by asking ....


Tell her that she can either pay the % of all bills equivalent to her portion of the household income or she can go get her own place.

I know you don't want to tell her to get her own place. But I think she is using this thing about leaving you to gain control over you. In order to stop her nonsense you need to be willing to just tell her to leave if that's what she wants. And tell her that she cannot take the children out of the family home.

See an attorney and find out how to prevent her from moving your children out of your family home. It can be done. The courts do not like for children to be just yanked out of the home.

Since you work from home, you would have first dibs on staying in the family home with the children.

Who is paying for her schooling? Did she get a student loan?


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Yes she got a student loan.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

koolaiddude said:


> She didn't get any grief counseling. and also, last year she had a rough miscarriage and almost bled to death. That's how I connected briefly with her the other night. Working through that grief.


How old are the two of you and what are the ages of your children? 


With all that is going on it might be a very good idea for her to not get pregnant again. At least I'd think so. She needs to have time to get herself together. Plus you don't know what she's going to do. Adding more children to this might be pretty hard to deal with.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

koolaiddude said:


> Yes she got a student loan.


Good, because student loans are not community debt. If she leaves you then she will have to pay that off, not you.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Yes that wasn't planned at all. She wants permanent BC but we can't afford it right now. She may get on the pill.


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## BarelyThere (Dec 31, 2012)

I'm not sure about the legal aspect of it, but could keeping a journal help if there is trouble down the road? Dates/times of incidents where she is verbally/physically abusive to you? Maybe observations about her mental health?


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I've read The Divorce Remedy and a bunch of other advice on stopping a divorce. And I've been using the strategies in the books and have made some headway getting through to her. Despite all that I found out with her plotting to run off the a DV shelter...


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

It could, I just have been too scattered to think about it. She ironically keep her records of simple arguments we've had and her "friends" tell her OH! save that for court. I'm like wtf are these people smoking? I have a bulldog attorney and she's hoping to get one through the DV shelter... -_-


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

koolaiddude said:


> It could, I just have been too scattered to think about it. She ironically keep her records of simple arguments we've had and her "friends" tell her OH! save that for court. I'm like wtf are these people smoking? I have a bulldog attorney and she's hoping to get one through the DV shelter... -_-


Well don't kid yourself about attorneys that she can get through the DV center. She can get a very good one. What they will do is just ask the court to have you pay the bill. And since she will so needy, and you abused her and she has never worked… she was a SAHM and you controlled all the finances, the judge might make you pay out of your half of the settlement.

I saw this very thing go down about a year ago in a case I’m very familiar with. The woman lied up a storm and the DV center bought it. She got a nasty attorney who had no problem lying up a storm to get his money from the husband. 

This is why I suggested that you go to the DV place and start getting MC from them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

koolaiddude said:


> It could, I just have been too scattered to think about it. She ironically keep her records of simple arguments we've had and her "friends" tell her OH! save that for court. I'm like wtf are these people smoking? I have a bulldog attorney and she's hoping to get one through the DV shelter... -_-


Oh yea, what went on in these arguments that they think is such good evidence?


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I told her I was tired of hearing her ***** at me every time I try to do something for her. I changed the car situation. She *****ed. I gave her money she *****ed. That's all. Said I was sick of resenting me. That's about it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I stared being nice to her. She and her friends said I was being manipulative because I was so agreeable. LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Being nicer. Not arguing I mean. I'm always fairly nice. But I have been going out of my way to be agreeable and very nice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sometimes you cannot win no matter what you do. Well just keep being nice. Does not matter how she and her friends see it.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I guess so. I'm hoping that once she gets mental help she will start to stabilize and we will have a chance at fixing things.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also be on the watch for another man popping up in her life, he might be a white knight type to feed into her fears, or he might be a predator who goes after married women I such situations. Either way, be on the watch for him, he will appear.

I'm guessing she is also starting to make friends at makeup school, and is going out socially with them, without you?


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Hey shaggy.

Well there IS another guy. We tried an open marriage and she met this guy that I do not like and she still wants to go be with him. She doesn't think she's going to go have a long term thing with him but she does want him. And apparently he's everything I'm not blah blah etc etc. Same old crap.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

As long as she is having an affair and you are basically rug sweeping she will not cooperate in the marriage. Why should she? She has total control over things...the best of both worlds. A husband to take care of her and a AP (affair partner) for fun.

It's time that you put your foot down on this.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

She keeps saying "I'm single except for a piece of paper". How can I put my foot down and compete with her sabotaging friends?

Without totally driving her away?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

koolaiddude said:


> She keeps saying "I'm single except for a piece of paper". How can I put my foot down and compete with her sabotaging friends?
> 
> Without totally driving her away?


The only way you are going to save your marriage is to be willing to take the chance of losing it.

The fact is that you have already lost your marriage. This is not marriage. She is taking advantage of you, pushing you around and trying to make it all your fault.

And to make it worse you are enabling her to mistreat you and use you. You have no boundaries so you have enabled her to act out to the point that she has no respect for you.

You need to put her in a spot in which she understands that you will no longer put up with all her nonsense. 

You need two lists. 1) Your boundaries 2) what you require from her because of her affair order to not file for divorce.

Boundaries are not you telling her how to behave. She can behave any way she wants. Boundaries are you saying what you will put up with.

She will be angry and carry on when you try to make these changes. The point of her acting out is to use her old, controlling behavior to make you go back to the way you have always been. Let her and stand your ground.

Make your list and we can go over it here. She will have to believe that you are ready to file for divorce if she does not stop all this nonsense.

Make a list of your boundaries. They are things like:

	I will not put up with being yelled at, hit, or otherwise abused and disrespected. I will be respected.
	I will not continue a marriage with a spouse who spreads malicious, false gossip about our marriage to people we know, strangers on the internet and DV folks.
	I will not be in a marriage in which my wife is having an affair.
	You don't have a right to tell me what to think, or invalidate my feelings."
	"Don't vent your anger on me, I won't have it."
	"This is mine, you don't have a right to use it as yours."
	"I won't accept your belittling jokes, your criticism or your condescending attitude toward me."
	"I won't be disrespected - If you won't respect me, then stay away."
	"Keep your hands off me."
	"Stop doing that... or I'll leave" [ report you; file charges etc.]
	"Don't try to tell me what to do."
	"If we're going to have a working relationship, I need honesty, respect and equality."
	"I need to communicate when we have a misunderstanding."
	"I need openness and sharing in a relationship - your witholding is making our relationship not satisfying to me."

Self-Empowerment for Men | Men Setting Personal Boundaries | Tips for Setting Boundaries


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm going to see how things go at the MC this week. Also she may be getting on medication soon she is seeing her doctor today. So I think I should hold off deciding to do anything right now.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I am ecstatic. Her Dr. concurred with her bipolar diagnosis. She's on meds now. Crossing my fingers and praying like mad.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Well, I can't hope for an overnight change. She still has her "abusive men" book out she isn't even reading it. I guess that's supposed to send me some kind of message. ugh


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Well I hope she stays on her medication. Have you done any research on bipolar? If you have an open marriage, why do you care if she sees other men? She is very abusive to you & wants to run off to a DV shelter. I hope you can get a lawyer to keep your kids when she bolts.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I don't want an open marriage anymore. I don't think it's been healthy for either of us and I'm done with it. I never wanted "open marriage" I wanted swinging then she didn't like that and forced it to open marriage under my objections.

I know she's been very abusive to me and I am talking to an attorney tomorrow to discuss things. I don't desire a divorce I hope that she settles down and is willing to work with me again.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Well TSHTF today:

I was able to get on her phone and see that she's asked for advice because she was confused from her "support team" 

I told her tomorrow in counseling I am setting some boundaries. I won't be treated this way here's my list:

	I will not put up with being yelled at or otherwise abused and disrespected. I will be respected.
	I will not continue a marriage with a spouse who spreads malicious, false gossip about our marriage to people we know, strangers on the internet or at the domestic violence shelter.
	I will not be in a marriage in which my wife or I are having extra marital things such as sexting or sex with others.
	You don't have a right to tell me what to think, or invalidate my feelings."
	"Don't vent your anger on me, I won't have it."
	"I won't accept your belittling jokes, your criticism or your condescending attitude toward me."
	"I won't be disrespected “
	"If we're going to have a working relationship, I need honesty, respect and equality."
	"I need to communicate when we have a misunderstanding."
	"I need openness and sharing in a relationship - your witholding is making our relationship not satisfying to me."


Oh and she found out I had an archive of her texts. She wanted me to delete it right away. I told her no, I need to ask my attorney about that.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> I would REALLY REALLY love to save this marriage and keep our family together



Why ?
I thought your wife was a bi-polar psycho liar?What are you saving?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Wait..so are you saying you voluntarily want to live with a delusional bi-polar?But let me guess you get to be in charge of her "treatment" and have rights to have sex with her?

Something doesnt add up here..especially because you could do a "180" and have hundreds of "normal" women crawling up your leg begging to be with you ..:scratchhead:


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

You REALLY REALLY want to stay with a woman that falsley accuses you of domestic violence?Are you sure about that?


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I don't know. I just love her so much..


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

koolaiddude said:


> I don't know. I just love her so much..


You love a lying delusional bipolar who falsley accuses you of domestic violence?

Maybe YOU need counselling ..(individual perhaps?)


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I don't doubt it. I've put up with her crazy for 15 years.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

koolaiddude said:


> I don't doubt it. I've put up with her crazy for 15 years.


So you want to "save" what you have put up with?Or what?You said you "really really" want to save it..Save what ?15 years of a delusinal bi-polar (who lies to boot?)

What are you saving?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

koolaiddude said:


> I don't doubt it. I've put up with her crazy for 15 years.


Try a couple sessions of ic. You may be a little codependant from all the abuse that's normal.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

koolaiddude said:


> I don't know. I just love her so much..


WHAT do you love????


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Try a couple sessions of ic. You may be a little codependant from all the abuse that's normal.


YEP ...its not making sense..My lying abusive wife..I love her so much..but it seems she is the one trying to leave him..Title "wife "trying to leave"..she is not holding him she is "trying to leave".


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## Splarty (Jan 19, 2013)

1. Are you in love with her, as she actually is, or the idea of her if she sorted her sh*t out?

2. You need to recognize that the marriage guidance counselor is going to be in a he-said-she-said position (and that there is some research that suggests that marriage guidance counselors have a tendency to take the wife's side ... marriage guidance is one of the least researched fields in psychology unfortunately, so this is just a warning).

3. You also need to recognize, as is evident from some of the comments on this forum, that if you don't get the right counselor (one who can relate to human beings and all of their imperfections - i.e. someone with the ability to empathize) then the complex issues that you and your spouse face will not be dealt with in a thoughtful manner (i.e. prepare to be patient with the process and be careful with who you choose as your counselor). p.s. When I say "some of the comments on this forum" I mean the drama queens who write comments like "somethings not right here" (the ones who write as if they have never had a close human relationship before).

4. Solely my opinion: Focus on your kids - it seems like they will be a more reliable source of love and joy for your future.

5. Good luck, be patient and stay strong!!


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Apparently she's been planning to leave me for at least a couple of months. I have NEVER been abusive. She says I am abusive and controlling. She has some psych issues, was diagnosed bipolar a couple years ago but refuses meds. Because of her erratic behavior I've been forced to take on a caretaker role. I cook most of the meals, do all of the grocery shopping, except the odd run to the store for a couple of items. I work from home, run a business and bring her breakfast and coffee in bed almost every morning.


WHY don't you "let her" leave???


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> 3. You also need to recognize, as is evident from some of the comments on this forum, that if you don't get the right counselor (one who can relate to human beings and all of their imperfections - i.e. someone with the ability to empathize) then the complex issues that you and your spouse face will not be dealt with in a thoughtful manner (i.e. prepare to be patient with the process and be careful with who you choose as your counselor). p.s. When I say "some of the comments on this forum" I mean the drama queens who write comments like "somethings not right here" (the ones who write as if they have never had a close human relationship before).


He cant "change" a lying bi-polar that according to him he has put up with her **** already for 15 years...Now that she is ready to leave NO therapist would advise him to stay ..or would they?

And something is not right here..and I'm no drama queen.Just a realist..


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

She says she has nowhere to go. We only have one car and a limited income. I won't be able to get another car for at least a few weeks. She still hasn't gotten herself a job, says I prevented her from getting one. Well, she needed to watch our young children and I've got more work skills than her so that's what the situation was.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

She's currently enrolled in school and goes every night M-F


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

koolaiddude said:


> She says she has nowhere to go. We only have one car and a limited income. I won't be able to get another car for at least a few weeks. She still hasn't gotten herself a job, says I prevented her from getting one. Well, she needed to watch our young children and I've got more work skills than her so that's what the situation was.


That doesn't make her A PSYCHO bi-polar..


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

koolaiddude said:


> She's currently enrolled in school and goes every night M-F


Good for her ..I pray she graduates...


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

You're putting words in my mouth. I never called her that.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I am not willing to live in the same house with her blaming me for all her problems, spewing bile about me, I can't tolerate it. 

I admitted to certain things that she has legit gripes about and I've been working on them, but I can't stand the fact that anything I try to do is undermined constantly by her friends.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

So much going on....
You need to research no more mr nice guy on here. You do way too much for her AND you let her screw other men? Please post in the men's clubhouse you need their help so badly. Sorry to say this but if you have any hope for this marriage or not ending up in another relationship like this you are going to have to man up. Take charge, be alpha. An alpha doesn't allow his wife to have EAs or PAs. You are letting her walk all over you and she has lost all respect for you. 
If you want this to work start being alpha, put a stop to the other men right now. From now on, complete transparency and no other men in her life. Do a 180.
Good luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

That's what setting my boundaries are about, trying to stop her walking all over me. I will look into the men's clubhouse forum.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Brief update:

Saw the MC for the first time today. My wife and I both like her and are comfortable with her. She is very experienced and gets bipolar and I think will be a good fit for us. She told me that based on her read of my wife, that my wife isn't done with the relationship, so that gives me some hope to hang in there.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> AND you let her screw other men?


Bear in mind that he wanted to "swing" - she wanted the open marriage. So he's far from innocent in the sexual side of things.



> I don't want an open marriage anymore. I don't think it's been healthy for either of us and I'm done with it. I never wanted "open marriage" *I wanted swinging* then she didn't like that and forced it to open marriage under my objections.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I know, and I fully realize it was a eff-tarded idea on the swinging/open thing. Especially considering she's bipolar and has trouble with boundaries.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

And hello Janefw, we are actually in the same city lol.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Little update, she's decided to bail on pursuing therapy at the DV place. A step in a positive direction I think. She's going to keep going to the MC, so time will tell.


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## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

Update:

She's still talking all the same about being done with the marriage, but it seems her medications are taking affect and she's calming down a lot overall. I can ask questions like "if we do end up together...?" and she doesn't get upset or irritated. Time is on my side but it also feels like my torturer. We have another session with the MC this week. So will see how that goes.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Kool

Patience.

15 years is a long time to live with crazy you said, but what is another few months to see if the meds help your wife stabilize her thoughts.

And an open marriage solves nothng whether she is bipolar or not.

All it does is complicate the marriage and cause more animosity between you two.

Focus on you.
Focus on getting her the help she needs.
And focus on your family.

HM64'


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