# Separate Vacations?



## Administrator

Should couples take separate vacations? Why? Why not?

~Glen Community Support


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## jb02157

I think separate vacations is a pretty sure path to divorce court. If you don't want to be together for good times, I think that's pretty telling.


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## straightshooter

*I think separate vacations is a pretty sure path to divorce court. If you don't want to be together for good times, I think that's pretty telling.*

if you read the books on infidelity, after the work place the next highest instances of infidelity occur where there is a lot of "separate' activities that involve members of the opposite sex.

You are sending your spouse to a place where opportunity exists for inappropriate behavior, chances of getting caught are minimal, and probably alcohol lowering inhibitions may be plentiful.

it is just a numbers game. no one is immune. The more opportunities that are presented to ANYONE for temptation, the greater the chance for a bad outcome.


Now I am sure some reading this will have an immediate reaction that " I do separate vacations all the time and I have never cheated".

Well, if you ever read a Wayward forum, just count how many start with

:I NEVER thought I would be here"

just my opinion.


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## Yeswecan

Vacations separate? Note conducive to a good marriage IMO. Now, my W has gone on weekend trips with 4 female friends of hers. Simply a night away with friends, dinner and talking about what married females talk about. I go on day trips to car shows. Not my W cup of tea. But week long trips are always together.


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## Mr. Nail

If intimacy builds intimacy, then separation will certainly lead to separation. 

I went alone to a week long training event last year. I was in class and lab from the crack of dawn until Dark, barely had time for a shower. I invited her along either as a participant or there was a play vacation option. She declined, and we had a together vacation 2 months later. So I survived the separate time. There was no alcohol or single women. So it wasn't much of a test. 

My SIL takes regular craft retreats (basically Extended GNOs) . Usually comes back distant. They have been on the rocks for over a year with no intimacy. Essentially she has found an excuse to retire from that part of the relationship, and he feels so much guilt that he accepts it. 

I can't blame it on the retreats, but there is a long history. There was a short time, 6 months or less where he took a sales on the road job. The separation nearly broke him, (no it did break him). So he is hurt by separation, She seeks it. Another form of incompatibility. I don't know what to hope for for him. I think he would be happier not trying to please her, but that is me projecting my attitude. I would have been gone long ago.
MN


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## Wolf1974

Guess it depends on a the couple and the individuals who make the couple up. Travel is my passion in life and a priority. To travel without my spouse would be counter productive to the marriage and what I want out of one. This would be a big deal breaker for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three

I think it depends on the type of vacation. 

I go on spa weekend with my girlfriends once a year and my husband goes on a golf weekend with friends once a year. No way would it ever occur to us to take any vacations longer than that without each other.


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## jsmart

I'm against separate vacations. A day or even a weekend trip for an activity that doesn't have opposite sex participation may be ok but vacations should be enjoyed together to create more intimacy and closeness. A way to have fun together away from the normal drudgery that life inevitably becomes.

Hollywood likes to depict separate vacation as normal and healthy but it's just a way to encourage couples to put themselves in tempting situations. Vegas trips or like another poster, who's brother's wife is going to Cabo for a three days after already being away for a week, is a recipe to get intimate with a stranger away from prying eyes.


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## woundedwarrior

I think it greatly depends on the relationship and if a spouse likes to travel? In my case, my wife used to take yearly week long vacations with her Mom, just some good old mother/daughter time, which now is a blessing because we lost her to cancer a few years later

For the past 3 years, my wife, her daughter & granddaughter went on Caribbean cruises together, while I stayed at home. My wife loves to travel and with my bad back, motion sickness, hate flying etc, I get my own vacation at home.

I will say that if we were closer, my mindset would most likely be different, but since we're mostly friends, it doesn't bother me at all. We haven't vacationed together in 5 years.


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## norajane

Yes, we sometimes do separate vacations, depending on what's going on. 

He might go on a scuba diving vacay without me if the timing doesn't work for me, or I'm not into the location where he's going. I sure as hell don't ever want to go camping, so he's on his own there. I've gone on trips with friends that were too good to pass up, like a trip I took to Dubai when a friend was speaking at a conference. He might go for a long weekend or week to visit some out of state friends because he is their children's godfather. I go and visit my sister or other friends across the country. Either of us might tack on a day or two at the end of a business trip or conference if it is a nice city - sometimes we join each other, sometimes not.

We go on at least 3 full weeks of Caribbean vacations together every year, plus weekends at the summer cottage, so some separate vacations is not a big deal to us. We encourage each other to get the most out of life, and neither of us think there is anything wrong with it. It has worked for us for years and years. 

Everyone has different relationship dynamics and what works for one couple might be very wrong for another - I'd laugh and leave if I were with someone who insisted that every single vacation be together. Others are convinced they'd be heading to divorce court and cheating if the other person were out of their sight for a moment...seems to me like a lack of trust, but maybe that's how people roll in marriages. Others would miss their spouses too much. Most people fall in between and some short trips are ok. All of those perspectives are valid.

The most important thing is for a couple to AGREE on their approach to vacations.


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## m00nman

Everybody needs a vacation and I think it's perfectly normal to get together with others who have similar interests or hobbies, but if it's just an excuse for one partner to go out and party while excluding the other partner then I think it's not healthy.


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## soccermom2three

I was just thinking about this thread and if there is any reason I would go on an extended vacation without my husband. 

My husband has absolutely no interest in going to Europe. Ever. I would love to go one day. I could beg him to go but why would I want to spend days on a lovely vacation with someone that really doesn't want to be there? I would be stressing wondering if he's having a good time. So my two options are: to go with friends/my kids or not go at all.


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## Anon Pink

soccermom2three said:


> I think it depends on the type of vacation.
> 
> I go on spa weekend with my girlfriends once a year and my husband goes on a golf weekend with friends once a year. No way would it ever occur to us to take any vacations longer than that without each other.


Us too. But I don't really consider these vacations because vacation means the whole family.


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## btterflykisses

We have never been on a separate vacation ever.


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## Satya

What's a "vacation?"


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## wmn1

Not a big fan of the concept. 

My wife and I always take major vacations together and most weekend trips. On occasion, she will do a concert with her friends and I will go see mine in another state but never in situations which may lead to something inappropriate. She has a good group of moral friends and so do I.

The only exception to this was two years where she went on a Caribbean band cruise (New Kids on the Block where 90 plus percent of the ship was women) and one year I even went on the cruise to scope out what the big deal was and the environment. Those two years, I got my own trip which was based around hunting and fishing with my friends in Wyoming and doing outdoor photography.

The problem was in those trips, the situation never felt right being apart for that long. Further, there was a little tension because, while I had a great trip each time, I seemed to feel a bigger void when without her than she did without me. It always ate at me. Additionally, she partied those trips and became a different type of person than I was accustomed to whereas I remain stable in my personality. However, then I went on the same trip with her, I was convinced that she didn't act any differently on my trip than she did the previous two times. The same group of friends were there. Too much catfighting for me anyway.

However, based on that experience, I cut off the practice. Two times was two times too many. It led to tension which took a while to ease. I have more friends and a better social life than her so I understand her apprehensions. Regardless, again based on my experience, separate vacations on either a major level of a mid size level are a no-go for us. I WOULD STRONGLY SUGGEST TO ANYONE NOT TO GO DOWN THAT ROAD.

Now this year, 3 major vacations, 2 mid size ones and 2 weekenders. Every major vacation, the two mid size ones and one weekender are ours. Only one weekender are we apart. 

If anyone goes down this slippery slope, which I will never do again, I would suggest that each person gets an equal trip so noone feels jilted.


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## RubyRing

My marriage of over 20 years was punctuated by many separate vacations, as my ex was involved in many high risk sporting activities that scared me to death. I tried to accompany him, but not participate in the risk activity (example, went with him to ski resort, spent the day exploring the town, getting a massage, then meeting him for lunch and doing evening activities together). I thought I was being a caring, understanding wife, letting him have the freedom to enjoy his risky activities, without insisting that he either give them up, or tone them down to a level I could enjoy.

Eventually, these constant separate vacations, led to separate lives, and we became complete strangers to each other. I was heartbroken when he started having numerous affairs with women who supposedly shared in his interests (although there were a few accidents involved because one of his mistresses were unskilled in his endeavors -- ) I was heart broken when he divorced me for an aggressive masculine woman who supposedly enjoyed his sports (although her lack of skills nearly got him killed and he had to be helicopter rescued) In retrospect, I lost NOTHING, as we hardly provided companionship together.

I am now engaged to a WONDERFUL man, who wants to spend ALL his time with me. We take weekend trips and long romantic vacations together. It feels so GREAT to be with a man who WANTS to spend his time with me. Except for the occasional girls weekend with a large group of my girlfriends (which he is OK with) we do EVERYTHING together and I am so much happier !!!!!! I even managed to turn the last request for a girls weekend into a couples weekend. We spend most of the time together as a group, although one afternoon the guys went off hiking, and we girls made a fabulous dinner that we all enjoyed that night. 

I used to support the idea of separate vacations, as just a healthy way for couples to give each other some space, but now after my sad experience, I could not go back to that as a way of life. Occasional weekends with same sex friends OK, as long as they are few and far between, but I am marrying the man of my dreams, and I want to share all my vacations adventures with HIM.  

JMHO, YMMV.


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