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## Est_2019 (Sep 10, 2021)

*___*\_


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

"His brother and I have all the same interests. "
Pick someone else to cheat on him with, he can get new best friends, but he can't get a new brother.

"My husbands entire family shunned me pretty much for no reason."
Sounds like his family are pretty good judges of character.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Your brother in law is messed up to be paying attention to you, I would try to see him as a terrible person. Don’t fall for it. He’s a manipulator and can see that you’re vulnerable and this is very concerning. Yes you are vulnerable, I’m not judging you, because he’s watching from the sidelines and he knows his brother’s weaknesses too. If he’s capable of doing this to his brother, you are already in serious trouble. Don’t you be a terrible person as well. 

I have a strong feeling your husband has also noticed already. Has he said anything? Is your BIL married? Maybe he’s withdrawing because he already can sense what’s going on between you and his brother. Do you think that’s a possibility? 

Tell us about the dynamic between the two brothers.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

You need to try to separate these situations in your mind, not make it one big ball of mess.

I read from your post the following:
1. Your husband lacks empathy. He's emotionally unavailable to you and that is at least one reason causing your relationship to fail. Did you know this when you dated?
2. Your husband's Mom treats you in a way which further adds to the divide, and what's not stated, but assumed, is that your husband does not help you with this?
3. The wrong person is reaching out to you whilst you are feeling vulnerable and this care and attention is turning your head.

Firstly, you need forget number 3. They share the same Mom, item 2 will still be there. Plus the fact this is wholly inappropriate as you know. It's off limits. 

You need to deal with the first 2 things. Has something happened causing them both to be this way? Have they always been this way? Did you know about your husband's lack of empathy prior to marriage? If so did you hope to change him? If you did, sadly I'd say, based on my own experiences, this is a mistake. You cannot change that and you are best to accept incompatibility, divorce and move on.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

STOP with your nonsense!!

First off you married your husband despite knowing who and what he is. Nobody put a pistol to your head to marry him. You did it on your own volition. 

If you want to divorce your husband do it. After that, stay the F away from his brother!! With all the men in the world you can't find someone else for crying out loud?

"You can't help your feelings"??

What are you two? Feelings can change in a second. Maybe if you learned how to control your "feelings" you wouldn't have married your husband and be in the situation you currently find yourself.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Divorce your husband because the marriage is shot. Afterward, come back with your question.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Your husband’s family are going to dislike you a whole lot more, any judgement (You did ask us not to judge) is probably going to be good training ground for what you’ll receive from them. As I mentioned, they would already suspect something. 

What are their reasons for disliking you? Their specific concerns


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

OP this kind of reminds me of the plot of “While You Were Sleeping” where Sandra Bullock plays a station agent who fakes being married to a man who has amnesia so she can visit him in the hospital.

In that case, the man’s family is extremely nice to her although surprised because they have never met her. Nonetheless they believe her and immediately accept her as family. 

Well maybe that part doesn’t match your story all that well.

She ends up falling for the amnesia man’s brother!

Eventually she comes clean with the whole charade and the brother ends up proposing and they live happily ever after and it all started “While You We’re Sleeping”.

If it can happen to Sandra Bullock’s character, maybe it can happen to you!

Probably not though…


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Est_2019 said:


> inability to protect me from this and he doesn’t stand up for me anymore.


Don't be confused milady. It isn't your husband's inability to protect you. It that your husband is a real puzzy dealing with his family and him remaining in his wimpy and cowardly comfort zone with them as a priority that takes precedence of you and apparently his ex . Make no mistake about it. Your sex life, mechanically, is the same as it was the first time you "laid" with him. Now you have lost romantic interest. My advise is don't do his brother. Take my word for it, first you'd be shytcanning your integrity and second, his brother is most likely as big of an azz kisser for his family as he is when the pressure is on. The reality is your old man ain't gonna suddenly start fighting for your honor. What youre seeing and experiencing is an integral part of his family's dynamic.
Ditch this wimp, forget about f-ing his brother, (you'd be riding the same model with slightly different options) and find a real man. Whether you do it before or after you rid yourself of him doesn't really matter. Again, don't do the brother. Anybody, including your new squeeze, is going to judge your character as, "the type woman who f-d her husband's brother". Take my word for it. If you need a little bit to tide you over, pick someone distant.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You do realize the brother has the same mother as the husband, right?

Look, you're starving for affection and connection. Of course, you'll find the brother's attention attractive. Don't fall for it. You'll be out of the frying pan and into the fire. Stop hanging with him when he comes over.


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

I think you should try and speak with the first wife about her former brother-in-law. He may have tried to get close with her too. Maybe she reciprocated, maybe she didn't. It'll be especially suspicious if you and her don't share many interests and have different personalities yet the brother-in-law just so happens to have had so much in common with her. 

Regardless of his true character and motives, it really is best not to get involved with him, if only because it means staying involved with the rest of the family, and there's slim-to-no chance he'll cut ties with them.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Est_2019 said:


> Please read before judgments are made. My husband and I first met and got married in 2019. I’m 27 and he’s 31. We’ve had a very rough relationship since the beginning and never really caught a break. His family hated me since day 1. My husband was previously married and his ex wife randomly divorced him out of nowhere after 5 years. Only to find out his mom treated her horribly like she did to me and that’s part of why she left. My husbands entire family shunned me pretty much for no reason. I got a lot more of the hate then the previous ex wife. This has caused some major issues with me and my husband due to his inability to protect me from this and he doesn’t stand up for me anymore. On top of these things, he doesn’t know how to communicate and isn’t emotional at all and I constantly feel I am talking to a wall. It’s extremely hard on me and it’s gotten to a point I don’t know what to do anymore. We used to be a lot closer, but we have drifted so far apart I feel I don’t even know him anymore. It’s become more like a roommate situation. The sex feels meaningless now. There’s just no passion. He doesn’t conversate much when I try anymore. His brother and I have all the same interests. We seem to talk a lot and find a lot in common. He’s really funny and talkative and makes an effort to make me feel noticed when we talk. I don’t have many friends and his brother is definitely a fun person I could see myself being friends with. I don’t feel like I’m talking to a wall. I started to notice I think about him after he leaves our house from visiting us. I hate to say it but I do find him attractive. I don’t know if this is because I like him, or I’m just genuinely happy I made a friend who I can talk with and Joke with for once and I’m getting the 2 confused. I know this isn’t ok and it’s wrong. But I can’t help my feelings and I’m lost. Hoping someone can give a little insight.


So you are busy bashing your husband to justify liking his brother. Spend time trying to repair your marriage instead of finding a way to your husband brother. If your husband is really that thick headed look to divorce.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Sfort said:


> Divorce your husband because the marriage is shot. Afterward, come back with your question.


This times a million. 

There's no relationship to "repair" with your husband.

Get a divorce already and then move on with your life. But not with your ex brother in law.


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## Enigmatic (Jul 16, 2021)

Est_2019 said:


> My husband and I first met and got married in 2019. I’m 27 and he’s 31. We’ve had a very rough relationship since the beginning and never really caught a break.


So you met and married within a year, even though the relationship was "rough"? Why? Were you pregnant?



Est_2019 said:


> His family hated me since day 1.


Why? Specific reasons.



Est_2019 said:


> I got a lot more of the hate then the previous ex wife. This has caused some major issues with me and my husband due to his inability to protect me from this and he doesn’t stand up for me anymore.


How much time do you spend with your husband's family? If a lot, why?



Est_2019 said:


> It’s become more like a roommate situation. The sex feels meaningless now. There’s just no passion.


Sounds like you are setting up justification for an affair. With your husband's brother, no less.

What is it you want from people here? Permission to have an affair? More reasonable would be to start with a conversation with your husband and, if warranted, marriage counseling.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Est_2019 said:


> Please read before judgments are made. My husband and I first met and got married in 2019. I’m 27 and he’s 31. We’ve had a very rough relationship since the beginning and never really caught a break. His family hated me since day 1. My husband was previously married and his ex wife randomly divorced him out of nowhere after 5 years. Only to find out his mom treated her horribly like she did to me and that’s part of why she left. My husbands entire family shunned me pretty much for no reason. I got a lot more of the hate then the previous ex wife. This has caused some major issues with me and my husband due to his inability to protect me from this and he doesn’t stand up for me anymore. On top of these things, he doesn’t know how to communicate and isn’t emotional at all and I constantly feel I am talking to a wall. It’s extremely hard on me and it’s gotten to a point I don’t know what to do anymore. We used to be a lot closer, but we have drifted so far apart I feel I don’t even know him anymore. It’s become more like a roommate situation. The sex feels meaningless now. There’s just no passion. He doesn’t conversate much when I try anymore. His brother and I have all the same interests. We seem to talk a lot and find a lot in common. He’s really funny and talkative and makes an effort to make me feel noticed when we talk. I don’t have many friends and his brother is definitely a fun person I could see myself being friends with. I don’t feel like I’m talking to a wall. I started to notice I think about him after he leaves our house from visiting us. I hate to say it but I do find him attractive. I don’t know if this is because I like him, or I’m just genuinely happy I made a friend who I can talk with and Joke with for once and I’m getting the 2 confused. I know this isn’t ok and it’s wrong. But I can’t help my feelings and I’m lost. Hoping someone can give a little insight.


You may have stumbled upon a surefire way to get your husband’s family to warm up to you — by cheating with his brother.

Bravo. 👏🏻




To be clear, ^this^ is sarcasm.

It’s time you had some honest discussions with your husband.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Think about this for a minute. Do you really a want to be with a man that would betray and destroy his own brother? Is that the kind of man you want instead of your husband??? BTW, World's Best Brother knows exactly what hes trying to do right now.


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## Enigmatic (Jul 16, 2021)

I'm not convinced the brother is actively pursuing OP, certainly not based on what she has written. He seems to be exhibiting the normal friendliness you'd extend to your SIL.



> He’s really funny and talkative and makes an effort to make me feel noticed when we talk.


Rather, what I see is OP trying to justify why getting some on the side is her right:


he doesn’t stand up for me anymore.
he doesn’t know how to communicate and isn’t emotional at all and I constantly feel I am talking to a wall.
It’s extremely hard on me 
I feel I don’t even know him anymore. It’s become more like a roommate situation.
The sex feels meaningless now.
There’s just no passion.

And the clencher:



> I can’t help my feelings


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

The op should be posted in the coping with infidelity forum as a sticky at the top. This is the exact type of justification that goes through most cheater's minds right before they cheat and blow everything up.

Work on the relationship with your husband or leave him. The grass is greener on the other side because usually that is the side that is better watered.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Straight out of act 1 of the cheaters script.

Careful though, because this version has a twist where you find out blood is thicker than water


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

I don't see that the brother is doing anything other than being a fun brother-in-law. I read that OP is "falling in love" in her own head, not that there is any chemistry on the BIL's part. Let's get some more details if she ever comes back with a more complete story. Also, maybe a story on why his entire family hates her so much. Mine wanted him to go back to his ex-wife because I wouldn't put up with their dramatic abuse.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

“Catching feelings” lol.
Like they’re contagious.

More like “I have a cheater’s mindset and I’m looking to **** the first man that gives me any attention, even if it’s my husband’s brother”.

I winder why her In-laws don’t like her?

damn sometimes people can smell it a Miile away


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Btw, did you know your husband while he was still married to wife 1?


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> Your brother in law is messed up to be paying attention to you, I would try to see him as a terrible person. Don’t fall for it. He’s a manipulator and can see that you’re vulnerable and this is very concerning. Yes you are vulnerable, I’m not judging you, because he’s watching from the sidelines and he knows his brother’s weaknesses too. If he’s capable of doing this to his brother, you are already in serious trouble. Don’t you be a terrible person as well.
> 
> I have a strong feeling your husband has also noticed already. Has he said anything? Is your BIL married? Maybe he’s withdrawing because he already can sense what’s going on between you and his brother. Do you think that’s a possibility?
> 
> Tell us about the dynamic between the two brothers.


I agree with this. He sees a mark. As someone else mentioned, he might even banged the first wife. Might be why she left in a hurry.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No. No. No.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Perhaps you should take inspiration / direction from your predecessor, your husbands ex wife. Consider leaving the marriage and finding a more compatible husband and in-laws.

You shouldn't assume your brother-in-law is your friend. Likely he is an opportunist hoping to bed you. What are the chances your BIL offered to be a friend to your husband's ex wife too when she was in your place?

If you want answers try to contact your husband's ex wife, speak to her.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

That's a really awful family. 
You're being groomed by BIL. He's almost there. Very soon....jackpot.


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