# Money, Illness, job.. need advice



## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I'm 34, have been married for the last 3 years. This year in February I was finally diagnosed with MS, after going through a horrible 2 years.
I have a few lesions, get fatigued, am in pain 24/7, I work a full-time job. We are happy for the most part, have no debt, a nice condo, cars etc. Some medical bills ($3k)

I have been struggling at work a lot, because I'm in sales I need to be at work all the time and be "on the ball", for the last year I have not been. I miss days at work since I sometimes wake up in horrible pain/numb arms/legs etc.. My boss has started taking responsibilities away from me and has mentioned that I may be out of a job soon since my performance has been slipping. There is discrimination but no way to prove it.. (I have consulted lawyer).

Meanwhile we are saving heavily for a down payment on a house (over 1k monthly) and for a vacation. 

However what I would like to do is take a break from work. We talked about it once and he was very supportive, but now when I mention something casually he is just quiet. Last night I was told by my physician that I should be working 20 hrs per week vs. 45+, my husband had no comment.
This makes me think that he values his vacations and possible house more than he does my well being. I'm starting to resent it a bit.

I have been working since I was 16, this is a medical issue and I really need a break to get well since the stress from my job is only making things worse. 

Am I being selfish in wanting some time off? How should I approach this? I'm scared that I will lose my job anyway, who wants to keep a non performer around... esp in the sales field? MS has ruined my life, my career... I just need a break to regroup.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

In SICKNESS and in health. In SICKNESS and in health. Do you have a copy of your wedding vows you can highlight and hand to him. If it were me, this is one I would hit head on. We need to make a decision here hon, quiet is not going to cut it.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Mom6547 said:


> In SICKNESS and in health. In SICKNESS and in health. Do you have a copy of your wedding vows you can highlight and hand to him. If it were me, this is one I would hit head on. We need to make a decision here hon, quiet is not going to cut it.


I think its natural that both of you feel some resentment. He also has things to lose - though not as much as you do obviously. But I'm sure he does value vacations and having the extra income.

As "Mom" said above - hit it head on. Tell him you need to talk and make some decisions - together.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Ditto - Life turns out crappy sometimes. Tell him to get over it and be man. 

Having said that, he's prol in shock too. By the time you're 45-48 he'll be pretty much on his own caregiver-wise.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Right...
I feel horrible. But there were times, and I told him this when I am so bad I pray not to wake up every morning.
I make great money, have worked my butt off to be here, but I need some time to get a handle of this disease. If that means 3 months off to meditate, work out etc...
Sickness and in health...


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

First I am sorry to hear about the dx of MS. An illness either brings two closer or will drive you two apart. I hope you will become closer.

Can you collect disability
Only work part-time
Take a medical leave to decide what is best for you.

You need time not to regroup, but to make a lifestyle change. MS is an illness that isn't going away. You, your health is more important than a new house or a vacation.

I wish you the best.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I feel for you. Living with a chronic illness is a challenge, and one that most "normal" people will never be able to contemplate.

My W and I both have several chronic illnesses to deal with, and it has caused major stress, financial difficulties, marriage issues, etc, etc. We have lost many many "good" friends because they were tired of our "excuses" as to why we didnt want to go out to the beach/pub/club/etc.

Keep in mind that your MSA affects your H as well as yourself. You need to change your lifestyle to accomodate your condition. Your Husband needs to do the same. Id highly suggest you find a good support group, or some councelling, and do the same for your hubby. If he doesnt want counceslling, then tell him you want him to go, so he can get a better understanding of what is going on, and what the future holds. 

You are not being selfish by wanting time off, and I dont think your Husband is being selfish by wanting you to continue your current routine. You both have to grow and change with MS. Such is life.

P.S. Be very selective of any online forums or support groups you come into contact with. A lot of them (At least with my issues) contain 90% people who ***** and moan about their meds and various ailements. It might be a good place to vent, but believe me, that stuff can put in a terrible mood fast!!

P.P.S. Ever since the wife was documented as having fybro, she turned to buddhism. Im not suggesting you take it up, but the Buddhists believe in reincarnation. The better you lived in the previous life, the better your next one will be. However, they believe that sometimes people with serious chronic illness lived a great past life, and the illness is there to challenge them to new feats of greatness.

Life is full of ups and downs.... Just try to enjoy the ride.


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