# grieving



## Whitesboro (Nov 30, 2008)

I am a new member as of today. My husband has left me after 26 years of marriage. I need some hope and encouragement because I am so lost right now. There have been so many lies and deceit that I am having a hard time processing it. I am in theraphy but have to wait 11 days to get back in. My story is a long one!


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

whitesboro,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation.. my heart goes out to you... Like yourself I was in a long marriage close to 16 years when my wife decided she no longer loved me or wanted me in her life... I wish I could offer suggestions but I sm like yourself still in shock and grieving myself... I do know this is does get better with time.. its been 5 weeks for me and the fisrt few weeks were emotionaly draining.... Crying feeling sorry for myself not sleeping eating and just being plain miserable... during this time you must look out for yourself as hard as it is... make sure you try and sleep, exercise and do things to make yourself happy... See friends try new things anything to take your mind off all thats happening... 

My thoughts and prayers are with you... I hope everything works out in the end...


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## Whitesboro (Nov 30, 2008)

The hardest part of all of this is believing all the lies. I feel like such a fool. He left 11 days ago and the night he said he was leaving he said he would come back the next day and we would talk. He never came and has not called. I am having a hard time with this. He snuck behind my back and packed his belongings when I was at work, said he lost his wedding ring 2 weeks before that and his work could not get a cell phone to work for him. I quess that was so I could not get ahold of him. Maybe there's another woman, I just don't know.


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## Whitesboro (Nov 30, 2008)

Thank you for your words of encouragement.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

my words come from personal experience.
you wil find it hard and sometimes feel like you have been kicked in the teeth. you have been in one marriage for a very long time.
but you know you can do it. 
your feelings and emotions are no different to most ppl when this happens to them. 
at the moment your in an angry phase, why you phase.
you wil even get into a grieving process. 
this is all normal .
but all that is going on with you will stay with you for many years.
but i think things happen for a reason. 
ok we might not think so at the time. 
but once you have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, 
i promise you wil come out the stronger and more independent.
this reason is because your H has left for his own reasons - but he wil end up being the one whose guilt wil never go away.
look at how he has been with you, sneaking, leaving , wedding ring.
its all deceit. 
where as your actions have remained faithful, so you have no need the feel the guilt that he wil eventually.
unfortunately you have to move on and there wil be further hard times to conquer. 
birthday, christmas and anniversary. special dates and places.
you have to try and accept rather than fight these emotions when they arise or your wil go mad.
you have to try in time to like yourself to live with yourself. this wil come with your inner strength and socialising again.
push yourself, take opportunities when they come. dont say no.
go out with friends and look at thing that interest you.
you need to change your way of life, because you are now on a new path.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. I'm glad you found this site, as there are many going through the same situation so I hope you can find some comfort here.

Right now, the shock and hurt are all very raw so just know that this is normal and it will get better. I am glad you will be talking to a counselor soon. 

When your mind settles a bit, the best course will be to take care of yourself (as the previous posters have said) and spend time socializing with friends/family, keep busy with hobbies & any form of exercise will help you to feel better.

Take care.


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## now_what (Sep 17, 2008)

Hello!

You responded to my post about being dumped by email after 30 years. This situation is tough and it hurts like hell, but things will get better, although some days for me are still terrible. My sister's marriage broke up after 20 years so she has been giving me some advice. Your emotions will be on a roller coaster ride with horrible ups and downs. You may feel a variety of different emotions all at the same time - this is normal. Just try not to get bogged down by the negative, although some days it is a struggle. 

The problem is your husband's, like my husband's problem is his. Although, their problem now becomes your problem because it is causing an upheaval in your life. I think this is where the feelings of "hate" come in. Sometimes, I think, you piece of sh**. I really hate you. Why did you do this to me and my daughter? (our only child still at home). Why was being with your wife and child not good enough for you? Why did you feel the need to sneak out of the house while I was at work to shack up with some woman you barely know? Why can't you be a man and actually "speak" to me?

It seems like our situations are eerily similar. He pulled the crap with his wedding ring, but he had lost weight and the ring slipped off. When he regained the weight, he was very hesitant to put it back on. I asked him if he was trying to present himself as a single man, and he said he wasn't trying to present himself any particular way. So, to me that means he didn't want to appear married. And that's probably when his new "woman" swooped in and put her meat hooks into him and he probably ate it all up. At that point he was already lying and being deceitful and evasive. So, of course it was difficult for me to be loving to him. 

I am so sorry for your situation, but in a twisted way it does help to know that you are not alone in this experience. When I am in an "up" mood, I feel strong and confident that I can survive this experience and live a happy life. I still find a great deal of happiness in my children, grandchildren and the rest of my family who have been very supportive. 

Maybe we can support each other at this time. I never thought this would happen to me, but I guess we just don't know what life has in store for us. Please keep in touch. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk and I can give you my email address.


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