# What if roles reversed after being cheated on.



## d1221 (Mar 13, 2011)

I have thought about this a lot and I do not have an answer. After the 1st time spouse cheated I was the one to who led the actions toward us trying to work through it. When this first happens the cheated on spouse is devestated and we dont want to lose our family etc...

Second time around I just wanted to see if he would even do anything to try to work on our marriage etc..

After the past week I realize I was bottling up feelings being mad for trying to go the distance in the past but when you look for the other person to do the same it does not happen.

What if...u did what your spouse has done to you, would they be as forgiving or understanding hmmmmm interesting how we can go the distance for our family but our spouses cannot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

it depends....

if u were very supportive to the max then, yes they should
be able to reciprocate that to some (fair) degree.

but if u were a monster, shrew, what-have-u, then u have
no reason to EXPECT better treatment (tho' they may be
more graceful than u and give better than they rec'vd from u)

yet long term, it doesnt portend well for yer rel'shp if thats 
how H/W responds....i.e., spite/revenge.

shalom.......aleichem.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

My husband says that though he has always told me that he would kill both me and the OM if I were to cheat on him, in actuality he would stay with me. Do I believe that? Absolutely not, lol. That was just something he said to me the night I found out about his affair. 

He calls me a ***** and said to me today that his whole affair might not have happened had he been able to "turn a ho into a housewife," and I have never been unfaithful. He can't even get over the fact that I had other boyfriends before him, etc., and has never "forgiven" me for that. :scratchhead:

It's laughable, really. 

I know this isn't a popular sentiment on this particular forum, but honestly I could never see myself doing what he did to begin with. Even in our roughest times, I have never so much as thought I might enjoy the comfort of another man.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

sounds like yer H is full of alot of hot air, AF.

heard that/it b4. "vanity, all's vanity cried the preacher...."

sounds like u bagged quite the "winner" there AF.

quite, quite.

shalom........aleichem.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Scenarios?

1. The original cheating spouse will be devastated but will want to save the marriage.
2. The original cheating spouse will be devastated but will not want to save the marriage.
3. The original cheating spouse will be devastated but will feel like a burden has been lifted from his/her shoulder because the original betrayed spouse can no longer throw the affair in his/her face without him/her doing the same.

The point? It depends on the personality of the original cheating spouse.

One thing I do know that is more devastating to many cheating spouses. Their betrayed spouses giving up and filing for divorce.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I was both the disloyal and the betrayed in my marriage.

I was waaay more forgiving than he was. I forgave him. He told me he would never forgive me and to this day deflects or minimizes his cheating. But that is his bag, not mine. 

It hurts and cuts like a knife either way.

We divorced.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I was both the disloyal and the betrayed in my marriage.
> 
> I was waaay more forgiving than he was. I forgave him. He told me he would never forgive me and to this day deflects or minimizes his cheating. But that is his bag, not mine.
> 
> ...


I think this is called on other sites, a Madhatter, where you've changed hats/roles.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

my husband is the most forgiving person i've ever known. I'm totally sure he would forgive me if roles were reversed.I don't know why he would, it's just not his nature to make waves and allow the marriage to end over an affair.
he's a better person than I am when it comes to his capacity for forgiveness and moving on from a crisis.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> I think this is called on other sites, a Madhatter, where you've changed hats/roles.


I think it's called "unfortunate."


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