# Why can't my man be Happy while being Helpful, am I bad too?? Only he thinks so.



## rosettastnd (Feb 11, 2010)

Hello, I'd appreciate any input about my situation, it's not real bad but I feel like...real bad sometimes and I don't think it's right to feel that way, I want a smart, happy family. I only met my husband 3 years ago and we've been married for 2 years and little more. We also have a boy and a girl together that are 1 1/2 years apart. I got pregnant before we got married, and we just wanted to stay together for the baby, but we still love each other a lot.

He keeps telling me that I need to get a job which is cool with me, it would be good to earn more money of course, but he gets a little mean about it sometimes. And since he works 5 days a week, that means to him that he is doing his job by working and supporting the family. Meanwhile, his wife (me) gets to stay home and sit around the house all day (which is actually a small, crappy apartment), and do nothing, let the house stay dirty, and do what I want. That's what he says anyway... So he thinks he can come home and relax and do whatever he wants.
Everybody that I talk to says that I have a job,and it's not an easy job being a stay at home mom. But my husband criticizes me when I am doing the best I can to do the chores and take care of both kids without his help. He does help sometimes with his son, but I usually have to ask him or he just does something because he has to. There's so much he doesn't do, it's like he chooses when to check in as the father like it's a part time job or something. 


He didn't go to work today, he was too tired, so he stayed home with me and his toddler and baby girl. From the time he woke up to going to bed all he did was watch TV. I don't like it though how he ignores me and acts like he is depressed and unhappy, maybe he has a problem I don't know, but maybe thats normal behavior for a typical man


I just get really sad sometimes and everybody says to not let him treat me bad and people try to tell him the right way to treat his wife. But he's a stonewaller, he stonewalls me sometimes. I resent him so much. And he also resents me for not being perfect, for making mistakes, for not working... I feel like i'm still a teenager maturity wise, I have no work experience except for 1 little restaurant, I think he resents me for that too. He says since i have college behind me that I need to get a career that pays as much as his job and he will be a stay at home dad and he will do a much better job with the kids and all other duties than I can do. 

We don't fight and yell at each other though. I'm really quiet and shy type of person and I don't point out everything I don't like about him to start fights.


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## rosettastnd (Feb 11, 2010)

anybody have any thoughts about this? or is it just a bunch of nonsense...
Okay, maybe I need to condense it a little bit. I'm new here, maybe I said something not right, I don't think I made a mistake by marrying him, and nobody could care less about that. i'm just going to delete that part, and I already did so you're not going to find it. 

The only thing i'm unhappy about is that he thinks it's really easy to stay at home and take care of the children, and at the same time keep the house real clean and organized, and do all the shopping and whatever else needs to be taken care of. And since he has a job that earns money, that's why he doesn't have to come home and do more work, because that's my job. I do as much as I can every day, but sometimes things get left undone because I get way too tired and instead of lending a hand he gets upset with me.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

rosettastnd said:


> He says since i have college behind me that I need to get a career that pays as much as his job and he will be a stay at home dad and he will do a much better job with the kids and all other duties than I can do.


Is it a possibility for you to get a job and him stay home? If you could do that, im sure he'd be begging to go back to work after a year or so.


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## rosettastnd10 (Feb 12, 2010)

Yes that would probably be good in a way, except I don't think I can get a real good job without having any training, experience, a resume and all that. I just don't know how to prove myself without anything, but some how my husband has his job and didn't graduate high school. But totally he would either get bored or have some reason why he want a job to go to. Having a job that makes you stay home is bad because you're surrounded by your own sanctuary with your bed, kitchen, and living room just begging you to rest, eat, or sleep. Even though there's not a lot of time to do it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If you have a college degree, by all means, go get a job. Let him see what goes into raising kids. You can always quit the job when he comes begging to you to switch.

Aside from that, I would sit down with a poster and write down everything you do in a week. Put it in order, hour by hour. Be honest and show him when you have down time. Sit him down, and go through the week, explaining what gets done. Ask him for his opinion on how HE thinks things should be done. Honestly listen to him. Then give him your opinion on where YOU think he has an obligation, too, such as at least 30 minutes a day with each kid, so you can at least get an hour 'off' each day. Don't put it that way, or he'll just go back to 'you have all day off.'


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## rosettastnd10 (Feb 12, 2010)

No, I don't have a college degree, and i'm not the best student but might be able to go back to some kind of college, like Kaplan or Everest...but anyway, I think that is a very good idea to keep track of how the hours are spent in the day. It would be good so he could see that and it would be even better for me so I can get the most out of the day by seeing how much I did and didn't do. We have been writing stuff down that needs to be done and cross it out when it gets done, almost the same thing but then he can't tell the order hour by hour.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

rosettastnd10 - I'm in the same boat you are. Only difference I'd have to say is that I'm living in a small house. I feel for ya, I really do. Feel free to message me anytime of day.


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