# Wife smokes Pot... Now



## lostnlove24 (Dec 7, 2017)

I'll Start with a little background... We're a late-mid 20's couple been married 5 years. Known each other since high school. She smoked pot before we were together but only occasionally (once or twice a year some years not at all) ever since. I was the same way, before we were together I smoked a little bit back when we were teens but since we've been together only once or twice total. She and I went through a long process deciding what we would do with our lives i.e. Marriage, Careers, kids. The career path I took is one that doesn't allow me to use pot and I am randomly drug tested multiple times throughout the year.

Since I have had this job she also has not smoked practically at all in the 5 years I've been working there. At first we lived in a place where marijuana is legal, so I assumed she had made a choice to not smoke pot because I couldn't. Even if that wasn't the reason, she wasn't smoking and that kind of made it easy on me as far as just not being around it and still being able to do everything together with no issues. 

Recently her friend came to stay with her for a couple of months, to help with the kids when I had to leave the country for work. Her friend (a heavy pot user) reintroduced pot to her daily life. Since then she has smoked almost daily even after I returned home.

So I feel like her smoking pot everyday, when I can't, is putting stress and distance in our relationship. To start with, we both know it's a risk to smoke around me in close vicinity, therefore if were watching TV, or laying in bed she will leave the room or go to the bathroom or leave with a friend to smoke. She also does this because she doesn't want to put it "in my face". To me it's the same thing. I feel left out and also separated because even if she doesn't smoke in my face I deal with it. I deal with her being high while I'm completely sober. I deal with her leaving from around me often, just because of that. I also have to deal with her texting her dealer which I'm really not comfortable with. It would be different if she expressed that she wanted to live her life this way 5-6 years ago before we decided that I would choose this career path. Then I probably wouldn't have chosen this career because, honestly, I'd probably be smoking right alongside her. 

I have mentioned these feelings to her, but made it clear that I'm not trying to control her. I would never even ask her to stop, although I wish she would. I think it would be completely selfish and hypocritical to ask her to stop all together, but I think I would feel better if it was waaaayyy less often out of compassion for me. Because it really sucks and I feel much less connected to her almost as if we live two separate lives. What is your advice? Am I being ridiculous? Should I press the issue more?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Surely she is at risk of having the children taken away if she is doing this? Its totally irresponsible to get high when you have children in the house. I wouldn't put up with it, not for a second. Nor would I put up with anyone coming to the house who smokes pot. Its also risking you job. 
Asking someone to stop taking drugs isn't being controlling, its being sensible and wanting to protect your little children. 
What sort of awful example is this setting them?

Is it legal where you are now?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Very important: do you live in a state where recreational marijuana is legal? It sounds like you do not if she has to contact her "dealer". How old are your kids? Does your wife work? 

I agree that her daily pot smoking vs your never smoking represent two very different lifestyles. If it continues, I suspect there will grow to be huge marital problems.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

lostnlove24 said:


> Am I being ridiculous?


Well kind of...... I mean if it was me there would be no way my wife would be smoking pot. I wouldn't allow it and if she insisted I would probably get a divorce. This is purely hypothetical since there is no way she would suddenly start toking up. That's not to say I never tried it half a dozen times when I was in my 20s. That's also not say I have any major moral objection. It's simply incompatible with my life style for a ton of reasons like heath, risk of legal ramifications, cost, negative effects on child care, etc. 

That being said your only objection seems to be you can't partake with her. Suppose you had a bum leg and she decided to take up rollerskating. Should you forbid her from doing it?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Anytging that brings disharmony between a couple needs to be dealt with and removed from the marriage if necessary, or there is no marriage.

And I’m sorry, but texting her dealer with you or her kids is sleazy. Sleazy.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Does your wife work? Or are you the bread winner? Just because she can and you can't, doesn't mean she should. You are the one supporting this family and don't get to partake, why should she? Your making a sacrifice to have this job to have a better life for your family. Where is her sacrifice? The least she could do is be supportive of your efforts to stay clean.

Kids in the home = NO DRUGZ Allowed!

By the way, I am very strongly against drugz, so I don't think anyone should be using any anyways.


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## lostnlove24 (Dec 7, 2017)

Recreational use is legal where we are and I will say she is pretty good about making sure the kids aren't around. The post is more about US. Me and her, if that makes sense, not about legality or responsibility. I have no real objection to marijuana use.


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## lostnlove24 (Dec 7, 2017)

Rhubarb said:


> That being said your only objection seems to be you can't partake with her. Suppose you had a bum leg and she decided to take up rollerskating. Should you forbid her from doing it?


Actually yes. I know that probably sounds pretty selfish, but it would only be if my leg was permanently broken or paralyzed for the foreseeable future and she only took it up afterwards. It probably wouldn't be as serious but I would feel seriously left out if that was the case. I like to do as much together as possible. Obviously we will have to do some things without each other but I think something this big, that goes on this often should be collaborative or inclusive at a minimum. I mean if she wasn't allowed to leave the state or the country, I certainly would not feel good about starting a worldwide travel tour.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> By the way, I am very strongly against drugz, so I don't think anyone should be using any anyways.


Does that go for Alcohol, the most abused drug of them all?


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

OP, it sounds like you are more envious of her than anything else. Can't say I'd be any different, if I were in your position. It's not fair, but life rarely is. As long as she is keeping her stuff together, taking care of her responsibilities, and not ignoring your needs, I don't see a reason to begrudge her the herb. Maybe ask her to just do it while you're at work so it's less in your face. Be sure she sticks to a budget too...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

lostnlove24 said:


> I have no real objection to marijuana use.



The above says it all to me.

Hence, suffer the consequences. Your acquiessed choice.

Life is hard enough sober. Living in clouded smoke smells of escapism.

And those, those consequences, will one day suffer your marriage to death.

First being high, with a female friend, then being high with another male bird of the same 'persuade her some'.

Her life, progressing from 'not so bad' to done, finished.

She is putting the first coat of bad paint on your marriage. 

Nip this in the bud...Bud.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Rhubarb said:


> Does that go for Alcohol, the most abused drug of them all?


Of course not.  

But I am not a fan of abuse of alcohol either. Drinking, yes. I also don't like abuse of rx pills. But I do know sometimes rx's are necessary. Medical marijuana use, yes. People abuse food as well. Etc, etc. My main idea is to avoid abuse of substances and letting it control you.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

lostnlove24 said:


> Actually yes. I know that probably sounds pretty selfish, but it would only be if my leg was permanently broken or paralyzed for the foreseeable future and she only took it up afterwards. It probably wouldn't be as serious but I would feel seriously left out if that was the case. I like to do as much together as possible. Obviously we will have to do some things without each other but I think something this big, that goes on this often should be collaborative or inclusive at a minimum. I mean if she wasn't allowed to leave the state or the country, I certainly would not feel good about starting a worldwide travel tour.


If you had said you were firmly against drug use then I would think you have a case, but IMHO the way you are putting it sounds kind of petty. I mean she's not even going somewhere without you.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> Of course not.
> 
> But I am not a fan of abuse of alcohol either. Drinking, yes. I also don't like abuse of rx pills. But I do know sometimes rx's are necessary. Medical marijuana use, yes. People abuse food as well. Etc, etc. My main idea is to avoid abuse of substances and letting it control you.


I'm just pointing out that if you look at the overall effects of alcohol, they are easily worse than pot. There is just more of a stigma with pot. What would you think of someone who tokes up a couple times a month? How's that any worse than someone who goes for a couple beers once in a while?


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Rhubarb said:


> I'm just pointing out that if you look at the overall effects of alcohol, they are easy worse than pot. There is just more of a stigma with pot. What would you think of someone who tokes up a couple times a month? How's that any worse than someone who goes for a couple beers once in a while?


I get what you are saying. There is alot more stigma because it was illegal for so long. An occasional toker is probably not much different then an occasional alcohol user. However the weed will show up in a drug test for a long while, the alcohol won't show up for long. 

I know people have different ideas and values on this forum then I do so that is why the first part of my post was worded in the way it was. However I needed to add at the end that I am against all drugs, because I am. 

Some people get started with weed, then move on to other harder drugz. Not good.

In addition, I think more often then not, people have a vice, whether that is drugz or smoking, booze or food. They can all be abused.


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## lostnlove24 (Dec 7, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> The above says it all to me.
> 
> Hence, suffer the consequences. Your acquiessed choice.
> 
> ...


Not understanding this one.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Alcohol is the gateway drug, not pot. You are a moron if you are against all drugs imo. They have made life so much better for so many people. Why just two days ago I had a pounding headache. Thanfully I reached into my drug cabinet and solved the issue within the hour. My son had an ear infection a couple weeks ago. A little amoxicillin and he was good to go in a few days. I have a hard time waking up without a little caffeine to start off my day. If I'm having a hard time going to sleep, a glass of wine does wonders for me. Puts me right to sleep. I was having a bad time last month at a concert, next thing I know someone passes me a joint and that turned my night right around for the better! 

Drugs are awesome! 

OP you are just upset you can't partake I get it. Just sit her down and have a talk with her if you have an issue with it. Come to an agreement together. Maybe she can smoke a bit with a friend now and again, but do it away from you? Im sure you two can reach an agreement if you sit down together and work on a compromise.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> Some people get started with weed, then move on to other harder drugz. Not good.


I dont think that is true... part of the old timer stimga they put on weed.
There has been no research that shows this in any form... so if that is one of your fears you can drop it.

Why cant you smoke if its legal in your state? Are there blood tests at work checking for marijuana in a state where its legal?


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> However I needed to add at the end that I am against all drugs, because I am.


So you never drink a glass of wine or have a couple beers with you friends?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Steve2.0 said:


> Inloveforeverwithhubby said:
> 
> 
> > Some people get started with weed, then move on to other harder drugz. Not good.
> ...


I can think of a lot of jobs that would certainly look down on pot use for good reason even if its legal in his state.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Steve2.0 said:


> I dont think that is true... part of the old timer stimga they put on weed.
> There has been no research that shows this in any form... so if that is one of your fears you can drop it.
> 
> Why cant you smoke if its legal in your state? Are there blood tests at work checking for marijuana in a state where its legal?


It's a bit complicated. While it is in many cases legal at the state level, it is still illegal according to the federal government. The federal government has until now has decided to not crack down on these states, but corporations are still allowed to conduct blood tests for marijuana use and to disqualify an employee based on a positive test result.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Ahh the recreational pot debate. It's pretty difficult for anyone to argue against recreational pot without being completely hypocritical unless they want to argue with the same rigor against alcohol and tobacco, when arguably alcohol is the most socially destructive substance humanity has ever known.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

lostnlove24 said:


> I'll Start with a little background... We're a late-mid 20's couple been married 5 years. Known each other since high school. She smoked pot before we were together but only occasionally (once or twice a year some years not at all) ever since. I was the same way, before we were together I smoked a little bit back when we were teens but since we've been together only once or twice total. She and I went through a long process deciding what we would do with our lives i.e. Marriage, Careers, kids. The career path I took is one that doesn't allow me to use pot and I am randomly drug tested multiple times throughout the year.
> 
> Since I have had this job she also has not smoked practically at all in the 5 years I've been working there. At first we lived in a place where marijuana is legal, so I assumed she had made a choice to not smoke pot because I couldn't. Even if that wasn't the reason, she wasn't smoking and that kind of made it easy on me as far as just not being around it and still being able to do everything together with no issues.
> 
> ...


When you mentioned your concerns to her what was her response?


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

​


Steve1000 said:


> It's a bit complicated. While it is in many cases legal at the state level, it is still illegal according to the federal government. The federal government has until now has decided to not crack down on these states, but corporations are still allowed to conduct blood tests for marijuana use and to disqualify an employee based on a positive test result.


Geez, the 'land of the free' seems overwhelmed with conflicting laws and requirements.

I was a heavy pot smoker and despite my wife's attempts to get me off it, it wasn't until my own self awaking that i did it. 

The two main NEGATIVE's associated to pot (according to research) is these:
- Loss of motivation to excel at work and make money (so if she is not successful, this will not be helpful)
- Emotional Centers can be desensitized (I dont know how long you need to smoke to impact this, but it is the reason i stopped smoking)

Most of the other garbage (like lost brain cells) is old-timer bull**** that has been debunked. In fact Marijuana has many positive effects on the brain (including new neuroconnections) and the CBD component has been shown to have some pretty major anti-inflammatory effects (although CBD is pretty low in street weed)

No one has ever died from weed, and i read a recent study that they haven't found a lung cancer connection to weed (most likey the CBD effects actually combating cancer)


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Rhubarb said:


> So you never drink a glass of wine or have a couple beers with you friends?


Occasionally I do, I am against abuse, not occasional use.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Steve2.0 said:


> I dont think that is true... part of the old timer stimga they put on weed.
> There has been no research that shows this in any form... so if that is one of your fears you can drop it.
> 
> Why cant you smoke if its legal in your state? Are there blood tests at work checking for marijuana in a state where its legal?


People are welcome to do whatever they want. It's not for me.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

I don't think this is so much about the weed itself. It's more about her putting her new pot habit above being together with him. He did not marry a daily user. Now she gets out of bed to smoke in the bathroom and smoke with friends. A bit not fair to him. She is getting high and he can't. She knows that. She is distancing herself from him. He should be annoyed and concerned.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

lostnlove24 said:


> Recreational use is legal where we are and I will say she is pretty good about making sure the kids aren't around. The post is more about US. Me and her, if that makes sense, not about legality or responsibility. I have no real objection to marijuana use.


She cant possibly hide it from children who are in the same houses, if nothing else they will smell it/find it/ be aware of it. 
Also her friend has been there smoking it a lot. 
There is no way that I would ever let anyone smoke pot in the same house as my kids.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Alcohol is the gateway drug, not pot. You are a moron if you are against all drugs imo. They have made life so much better for so many people. Why just two days ago I had a pounding headache. Thanfully I reached into my drug cabinet and solved the issue within the hour. My son had an ear infection a couple weeks ago. A little amoxicillin and he was good to go in a few days. I have a hard time waking up without a little caffeine to start off my day. If I'm having a hard time going to sleep, a glass of wine does wonders for me. Puts me right to sleep. I was having a bad time last month at a concert, next thing I know someone passes me a joint and that turned my night right around for the better!
> 
> Drugs are awesome!
> 
> OP you are just upset you can't partake I get it. Just sit her down and have a talk with her if you have an issue with it. Come to an agreement together. Maybe she can smoke a bit with a friend now and again, but do it away from you? Im sure you two can reach an agreement if you sit down together and work on a compromise.


Respectful debate is fine, name calling isn't.

I said above where rx drugs do have their place at times. Overall not a big fan of rx's though.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> She cant possibly hide it from children who are in the same houses, if nothing else they will smell it/find it/ be aware of it.
> Also her friend has been there smoking it a lot.
> There is no way that I would ever let anyone smoke pot in the same house as my kids.




But what is so wrong about kids being aware of cananbis' existence? When I was young, I knew when "mommy" or "daddy" had a beer or glass of wine - and knew what it meant. I also knew it wasn't for me until I got older. What is so different about legal cannabis? Part of legalization is that you don't have to hide it anymore. It's no longer a "you can go to jail, if caught" conversation with your kids. It's now a "you are not allowed to try this until you a X years old" conversation. Until the children are old enough to have that lesson, treat the cannabis the same way you treat alcohol by keeping it away from their reach. Remember, part of the reason that there is such a big push now for legalization, is that it is widely known that governments have been exaggerating and outright lying to people about the harmful effects of cannabis for decades. Now that the truth is coming out, governments (local, state, and even the federal level) are having a hard time justifying its illegal status. Soon, the stigma will begin to disappear altogether.

Also, they weren't smoking in the house. According to the story, the actual inhaling was done outside away from the kids...


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

There are rules, and then there are rules.

I don't want my surgeon to be mind altered on anything while performing a surgery on me, even if it is legal. I believe that in his profession, he is not allowed to be drunk on alcohol or high on any herb or chemical while he is on duty, even if it is legal for everyone else.

OP, I'm in agreement with others when they say that what you are suffering from is jealousy. You aren't allowed to smoke pot due to work rules, and she can and is doing it more than ever. If you could get high with her every day with her you would.

I also don't believe she should be drunk or high while caring for your children. Would you want her to be taking care of your children after drinking enough to be impaired? Smoking pot alters the brain immediately. Isn't that what it is for? Many people drink one beer or glass of wine with dinner just because it tastes good and is good for the digestion, and they feel absolutely nothing. They don't have to drink 3 more until they are drunk. The whole purpose of pot is to alter the mind. The two "drugs," alcohol and pot are not equal in effect, or in a persons reason for using them.

Thinking that because your wife leaves to smoke she is protecting the children, is naive. After years of living with mommy going to the garage or outside and then coming back smelling funny, happier and with red eyes they will put two and two together. They are being conditioned to think that parents can do "bad" things if they leave the room to do it. Does she leave the room to drink a beer? Probably not. Children aren't stupid.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> Respectful debate is fine, name calling isn't.


Yes mother you are right. I'm sorry. 

How is this... When I hear a person say "all drugs are bad" I seriously have to question the mental state and intelligence of the individual who would make such an asinine statement.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Yes mother you are right. I'm sorry.
> 
> How is this... When I hear a person say "all drugs are bad" I seriously have to question the mental state and intelligence of the individual who would make such an asinine statement.


Alright dude. You are welcome to your opinion, as am I. No I wasn't thinking about caffeine. I already mentioned above where rx drugz have their place. I also know that rx drugz over time can harm your body as well as street drugz.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> I don't think this is so much about the weed itself. It's more about her putting her new pot habit above being together with him. He did not marry a daily user. Now she gets out of bed to smoke in the bathroom and smoke with friends. A bit not fair to him. She is getting high and he can't. She knows that. She is distancing herself from him. He should be annoyed and concerned.


Well said.

Ill add its likely annoying as hell for OP to be around someone who is high all the time. I would think it would be similar to being sober around drunk people. Im sure most here have been the designated driver around a bunch of drunks at least one time in our lives. NOT a fun experience imo.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> No I wasn't thinking about caffeine. I already mentioned above where rx drugz have their place. I also know that rx drugz over time can harm your body as well as street drugz.


Ok, I can get behind that and I agree with you 100%. I just can't think of a better word than moron to describe someone who says "all drugs are bad." Hypocritical moron maybe would be a better choice of words I suppose.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

OP, how much is this daily habit costing per month? Do you personally know her dealer? Is she getting stoned with her dealer as part of buying her weed? Is the dealer male?


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Ok, I can get behind that and I agree with you 100%. I just can't think of a better word than moron to describe someone who says "all drugs are bad." Hypocritical moron maybe would be a better choice of words I suppose.


Cool.

I am not trying to be hypocritical. I stated earlier in the thread that abuse of anything is not a good thing, including food.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Steve2.0 said:


> ​Geez, the 'land of the free' seems overwhelmed with conflicting laws and requirements.
> 
> I was a heavy pot smoker and despite my wife's attempts to get me off it, it wasn't until my own self awaking that i did it.
> 
> ...


While I've never been a regular, I might enjoy it twice a year when I'm in a state or country where it is legal. My argument is that if marijuana is illegal, then alcohol should also be illegal because the impact to health care costs is at least as bad and because alcohol is many times more addictive. By the way, I really enjoy beer and wine, but still, I only consume alcohol about 2X per month.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> OP, how much is this daily habit costing per month? Do you personally know her dealer? Is she getting stoned with her dealer as part of buying her weed? Is the dealer male?


Oh good lord. Yes OP, she is clearly having an affair. Welcome to TAM.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Never said affair. Just boundaries. She after 5 years has unilaterally changed the boundaries of the relationship. He has every right to know who she is spending time with and to be concerned. He mentioned not being comfortable with the dealer. She is doing this not for a hobby or exercise,or health. OP would have mentioned that. What she is doing is more for a habit. And spending community property doing so. 

And please don't address me directly. Address the OP. You know the rules.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

OP, if you live in a weed legal state, why does your wife have a "dealer" anyway? Wouldnt she just go down to the ole Weed store?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> And please don't address me directly. Address the OP. You know the rules.


You just addressed me there butter cup. 

As far as the dealer question, price is the answer. You can still get weed cheaper through a dealer.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

lostnlove24 said:


> I would never even ask her to stop, although I wish she would.


You're in conflict with yourself. Why would you never ask her to stop? If you want her to stop, you ask her.

Either you talk to her about how you feel or you don't. But make a choice and stick with it or you'll remain unhappy. The worst that happens is she says no to you and carries on. Then you re-evaluate what you want for your futures. A pot-filled existence where your job may be in constant jeopardy or a pot-free life where you potentially have a new wife.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Middle of Everything said:


> OP, if you live in a weed legal state, why does your wife have a "dealer" anyway? Wouldnt she just go down to the ole Weed store?



It's very possible that it may be legal to buy, but the state/city charges so much in cannabis tax that the black market is still a less expensive option...


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Satya said:


> lostnlove24 said:
> 
> 
> > I would never even ask her to stop, although I wish she would.
> ...


I agree with this. If you aren't happy about something in your relationship you have got to speak up about it. It doesn't matter what the subject matter is and who does or doesn't have a problem with your wifes actions. If you are upset by something, speak up! Have a discussion with your wife about it and explain your reasons why. She owes it to you to listen and work on a compromise at the least, if not quit completely. 

The fact that you don't have a problem with pot and are simply jealous of her ability to use it as she wishes to me makes this more about compromise than asking her to quit. Work from there. What would you be comfortable with? Every day smoking habit isn't good for you, but I also don't think forbidding your partner from enjoying themselves out of sheer jealousy is the right thing to do either. 

I'm allergic to horses, so we can't own any. But I would never forbid my family from going out and riding a horse from time to time. That is just being selfish and bitter in jealousy. 

Find a middle ground where you can both be happy.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> Occasionally I do, I am against abuse, not occasional use.


Fair enough, but does that apply to pot also? I mean what of someone toked up once or twice a month?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

OP, I am a regular recreational pot smoker. I get where you are coming from. My boyfriend is thinking about applying for a new job. Of course, everyone drug tests. And, of course, he will have to abstain which should not be a problem. I plan on abstaining as well because I think it's pretty ****ty for me to sit there and imbibe when he can't, even if I went outside or down in the basement or some other area. I think it is the respectful and loving thing to do. I don't see it any different than say, going on a diet. It certainly helps if your partner will try to eat healthy and exercise right along with you than not. So, I get it, I get where you're coming from. But in the end obviously it is her decision.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

I think we can all agree here that marijuana, used in moderation, is nothing to be concerned about. In fact, I've always believed alcohol to be far more destructive. 

However, any habitual activity/hobby that removes one spouse from the household, and excludes the other on a daily basis, is beyond healthy moderation. I'm not referring to physical health here, but the health of their marriage. 

There is nothing wrong with the OP requesting some ground rules be laid down when it comes to her recreational use. If she wouldn't like for him to go out for drinks on a nightly basis "with the boys" (an activity/hobby that would exclude her in the way her pot use excludes him), then this is no different at all.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> OP, how much is this daily habit costing per month? Do you personally know her dealer? Is she getting stoned with her dealer as part of buying her weed? Is the dealer male?


These are the important questions. 

I am a regular pot user in a state where medical is legal and recreational is decriminalized below a certain threshold. In other words, if the cops pull you over for an out tail light and they see an eighth sitting on the seat, they won't bother you because that is well below the threshold and obviously personal use. If they see 1.5 ounces, that's going to be a problem because it's A) arguably for distribution (still illegal here) and B) it's over the legal threshold.

Now that you guys know my POV...

Herb isn't expensive where we live. Daily Starbucks is actually more expensive here than buying pot. I smoke daily and extend hospitality to those who visit and wish to partake. I spend about $150- $200 a month depending on price fluctuations and pot is my only recreational spending. That said, I recognize that other people pay more than we do depending on where they live and who they know. So, budget can be a concern. If they can't afford it, she should either stop, cut down, or find a way to pay for her recreation.

I've been buying my weed from a dealer for many years. When I was younger, it wasn't uncommon for dealers (who were mostly male) and their customers to fool around. They're hanging out a minute, they're having a social smoke (stoner hospitality), they get a bit horny, and there ya go. Would I worry about dealer/customer sexual involvement without some kind of suspicious behavior? No. But I would keep an eye out just in case.



TheDudeLebowski said:


> Oh good lord. Yes OP, she is clearly having an affair. Welcome to TAM.


This is a valid concern. Sure, not everyone is screwing their dealer, but enough people do that it's not unreasonable to wonder.



Middle of Everything said:


> OP, if you live in a weed legal state, why does your wife have a "dealer" anyway? Wouldnt she just go down to the ole Weed store?


It's a miraculous thing how fast street prices went down when they had to start competing with dispensaries.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> This is a valid concern. Sure, not everyone is screwing their dealer, but enough people do that it's not unreasonable to wonder.


I've been in the drug scene for a long time, and I've never seen this. I'm sure it happens, ive just never heard of it in my circles anyway. Plus who meets up at a house? That is ill advised as far as I'm concerned.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Rhubarb said:


> Fair enough, but does that apply to pot also? I mean what of someone toked up once or twice a month?


I am still not a fan of pot, or street drugs. If people want to toke once or twice a month, that's on them, not my concern. As long as it is not in my home, it doesn't affect me. 

My best friend did drugz on and off for years, that was her thing not mine. I was pretty pissed when she thought she lost some speed at my place one time though. I wouldn't want my kids finding that! 

My ex hubby was a pothead and sometimes speed, quit using when we hooked up. We were teens. A few years later started a career in truck driving. Drank every once in a while. Got too drunk once and wanted to shoot the tv with his gun. Stupid. Could of been really bad, could of shot me or the kids but I hid the gun. 

My current hubby I have been with now for 13 years, has a huge pot leaf tattoed on his arm. Used to do that heavily in his teen years and early 20's. But eventually quit because he just wanted more and more. It was never enough. He quit drinking too before I met him when he used to be what he considered an alcoholic. Cigarettes are his last vice. 

My mom was a wreck by the time she was 19 years old because of street drugz and alcohol. Started at 11 years old. It did alot of damage to her body. Eventually started using heroin. When she got cleaned up at age 19 or so. A few years later fell and hurt her back. Got on one rx after another. Basically traded street drugz for RX drugs. She was on 13 different meds in her early 30's. Dead at 52. 

Even RX drugz can harm your body. For some people rx drugs help them and they can't function without them, or they would be dead, it is true. Sometimes they affect other things and you need another rx to balance out what that rx did. So they do have their place, but be wary.

Should we talk about food? Best friend had weight loss surgery in her early 30's. She lost most the weight, but it damaged her body. She had a purse full of RX pills. The surgery did not go well. She needed pain pills just to eat. Long story short, she passed on at age 38. She just quit eating because it hurt to eat. 

My ex, quit the drugz, didn't drink too often, smoked alot which didn't help his blood pressure being a big guy. But in the end, it was the food that did him in. Dead at 35, heart disease, morbid obesity. 

Pills, cigs, alcohol, drugz, food, I don't really look down on anyone who does these things, but when abused, it can be very harmful. 

Me, I'll have a few drinks every now and then. My vice? It's food. And I am doing my best to get this extra weight off and then keep it off.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> These are the important questions.
> 
> I've been buying my weed from a dealer for many years. When I was younger, it wasn't uncommon for dealers (who were mostly male) and their customers to fool around. They're hanging out a minute, they're having a social smoke (stoner hospitality), they get a bit horny, and there ya go. Would I worry about dealer/customer sexual involvement without some kind of suspicious behavior? No. But I would keep an eye out just in case.
> 
> ...



Thanks for sharing. Yes funny on the street prices. 

Way back in the day when my mom was using, before marrying my dad, she got pregnant by her "sugar daddy". Miscarriage at 4 months.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I've been in the drug scene for a long time, and I've never seen this. I'm sure it happens, ive just never heard of it in my circles anyway. Plus who meets up at a house? That is ill advised as far as I'm concerned.


Huh, really? Wow, your drug culture is different than ours. Age thing? I'm in my early 40's. Location thing? I'm in the midwest, specifically MI, more specifically close to Detroit. 

Here you know a guy or gal who knows a guy who sells. Your buddy calls/texts/FB's said guy, asks about availability and price, asks to bring you (more or less vouching for you), you go and meet seller guy at his or his friends house, buy your buds, chitchat with guy and whoever else happens to be there, toss a bit of your purchase into the kitty so someone can roll up a joint, pack a bowl, bong, or vape device, you all take a few tokes, chitchat a bit more, and then say your farewells. Since you've been introduced, you can now contact that guy directly. The stoner hospitality ritual will repeat every time you buy, no matter who you buy from or how long you've known them.

I've read that Middle Easterners take hospitality very seriously. There are rules that apply to both host and guest. These rules must be adhered to or society will have a low opinion and maybe even shun you. That's kind of how stoner culture here operates. It's very rude to buy and leave, not be social with those present, and/or to not share a pinch with the group.

This kind of thing leads to getting to know each other over time. Develop friendships of a sort. Familiarity, a nice buzz, a few laughs, there's a little attraction, inhibitions are lower, you get the picture. I can't count the women I've known over the years who've done the deed with their dealers, whoever that happened to be at the moment.


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## Deperatedwoman (Jul 31, 2017)

Livvie said:


> Very important: do you live in a state where recreational marijuana is legal? It sounds like you do not if she has to contact her "dealer". How old are your kids? Does your wife work?
> 
> I agree that her daily pot smoking vs your never smoking represent two very different lifestyles. If it continues, I suspect there will grow to be huge marital problems.



Exactly


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Mid 30s, Texas, Dallas area. Everyone I've ever known that got popped was busted at their house due to neighbors reporting suspicious traffic or "odd" smells. I've never been into meeting at a house. My circle doesn't do it at all. Prefer a busy parking lot like a grocery store. Meet up, exchange, chat for a minute, go our separate ways. 

Think about it, when you go to the grocery store, have you ever paid attention to anyone else in the parking lot? Almost nobody does. You have bread, milk, eggs, and butter on the mind. There's people walking to and from the store and their cars, and occasionally you will see people outside their cars chatting with one another. Nothing suspicious at all about that. Well we are the ones chatting next to our cars "how is your wife and kids?" and blah blah. You just blend right in. Ain't nobody paying attention to us. Would you?

People coming and going from a single house/apartment constantly. Meeting up in dark alleys and empty parking lots. Walking up to some guy posted on a steer corner or at the park. That all looks highly suspicious and is a good way to increase your chances of getting busted imo.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

lostnlove24 said:


> Not understanding this one.


Avoid mind altering drugs.
Long term pot smoking is bad for you health.

No one can tell me that sucking in burning plant fibers is good for you.
Pot makes you lazy. 

If one were disciplined enough to actually smoke this crap once or twice a month, then no, you are not going to damage your health too much.
Your wife is smoking it much more than this. 

She likely has an addictive personality. So she should avoid drugs and alcohol.
When under the influence of pot or alcohol, people do dumb things.

Like cheat.
Drive their car poorly.
Go to work.

Appear/maneuver around in public.
Make idiots of themselves.
Embarrass their family, if not themselves when they sober up.


Mature people do not use/abuse mind altering drugs.
Hell, sober people screw up left and right.
Add drugs or alcohol...watch out.

Not everybody gets mellow on this stuff.
Everybody does dumb down on this stuff.


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## lostnlove24 (Dec 7, 2017)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> When you mentioned your concerns to her what was her response?


She didn't take it seriously. She said that I was overthinking the situation and that I shouldn't feel the way I do.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

lostnlove24 said:


> She didn't take it seriously. She said that I was overthinking the situation and that I shouldn't feel the way I do.


Ok, then you have a problem, because it is obviously important enough for you to talk to her about it. This is when you need to enforce your boundaries and tell her that it is an issue for you and whether you are overthinking it or not, it bothers you. I can't tell you what to do if she disagrees, that will be up to you. But obviously this is an issue for you.

Aside from that, I wish people who have no clue about weed, would just keep their mouths shut about something they clearly know nothing about. There is absolutely nothing wrong with occasional weed use. It is NOT a gate way drug. I know doctors, engineers, lawyers, executives, and business owners that use regularly and it doe not cause 99.9% of the issues it is alleged to create by so called "experts".

OTOH OP, every woman I know who smokes gets horny as hell, so you might want to enjoy some of that.


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## lostnlove24 (Dec 7, 2017)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> I don't think this is so much about the weed itself. It's more about her putting her new pot habit above being together with him. He did not marry a daily user. Now she gets out of bed to smoke in the bathroom and smoke with friends. A bit not fair to him. She is getting high and he can't. She knows that. She is distancing herself from him. He should be annoyed and concerned.


Yes! Broken_in_Brooklyn you understand. That was the point of this all. It is changing the dynamics of our relationship because she frequently indulges in activities that I may take no part in, therefore, we can't "be" together for those time periods.
Furthermore, Imagine being a person who likes to drink. You like to drink with your husband/wife, friends, alone whatever. You don't have an alcohol problem or anything but occasionally you like to indulge in some alcohol induced impairment. Then, one day, you are all of a sudden the permanent DD for your spouse or group of friends. You are responsible, so you will not drink and risk screwing up like that. So every single night (minus a few nights where work runs long or the kids are sick) you sit in a bar drinking water or soda sober as a gopher and watch them all have a good time. That does not seem like much fun to me.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Let me ask you. Have you calculated a percentage of how much time she is stoned over how much alone time and family time you have together? I suggest you do that because you are going to have to sit down with her again and express your concerns. I am reading she gets high about 5 days a week. I suggest you keep a journal for the next 2 to 4 weeks and document it with daily entries. When you talk with her show her the journal. Show her how much time she is actually spending in an activity that she did not do for 5 years and now you are effectively alone while she gets high. 
'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how stoned is she getting?

You mentioned she gets high when only with you and she leaves you to get high with friends. Take a percentage of each. On this note is she getting high with friends because she prefers their company to yours using the mask of not wanting to give you a contact high as an excuse? 

As far as how stoned she is getting have you mentioned edibles? Certainly she could have small edible portions and not get baked. If she balks at edibles as her point blank is it because she prefers her stoner friends actually? Or has the past few months of married life or however long it has been since that friend left to you and having a family so unbearable that she needs to be completely baked 5 days a week. 

I think it is perfectly fine to get stoned or tipsy or whatever occasionally. But 5 days a week where you are babysitting her and the stoner pals is obviously not fair to you hence your concerns. BTW, where are your kids 5 days a week when she is getting high? I assume they are not around hence they miss her too. 

I think you need to sit her down again and talk about this in a calm manner. No one is saying she can't get high. Don't approach this as either pot or me. Explain your concerns and how it is affecting the time you treasure with her and that was not the case for 5 years previously. She has added this new vector to the relationship and it was not part of the original marriage. It's your marriage too. 

Last, has her getting high effected your sex life? If so point that out too.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

lostnlove24 said:


> Recreational use is legal where we are and I will say she is pretty good about making sure the kids aren't around. The post is more about US. Me and her, if that makes sense, not about legality or responsibility. I have no real objection to marijuana use.


....Except when your wife tokes like Bob Marley and you cant. 

You’re a hypocrite. Either stand for something or don’t stand for it. You can’t have it both ways. Either quit your job and become a lackless pothead or do what is right for your kids and cut this crap out of your lives. 

Yoyr wife is a drug abuser. Maybe not an addict, but she’s abusing it and it is destroying your marriage and family. Gambling abuse, alcohol abuse, running up credit card debt, adultery....they're all fun, and ultimately all destructive.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> Cool.
> 
> I am not trying to be hypocritical. I stated earlier in the thread that abuse of anything is not a good thing, including food.


I agree with you.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*She is exhibiting the nadir of immature irresponsibility by smoking her pot. Her pot usage is preeminently only for herself and nobody else and clearly demonstrates that in matters of family, her wants and needs come as first and foremost over everything else!

Kind of like “an addict!”*


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

First of all I will state that other than alcohol used moderately,any recreational drug use is a deal breaker for me. 
Your wife is a pothead and that is not up for discussion. If she had to drink alcohol every night you would call her an alcoholic and rightly so. You leave her looking after your children while you are away,how do you know she isn’t driving them while high. Weed stays in the body for up to two weeks,if she has a car accident and has weed in her system she will automatically be at fault. If your children are with her they may be removed from her care,especially if you are out of the country. 
Then you will know what heartache really is.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Mid 30s, Texas, Dallas area. Everyone I've ever known that got popped was busted at their house due to neighbors reporting suspicious traffic or "odd" smells. I've never been into meeting at a house. My circle doesn't do it at all. Prefer a busy parking lot like a grocery store. Meet up, exchange, chat for a minute, go our separate ways.
> 
> Think about it, when you go to the grocery store, have you ever paid attention to anyone else in the parking lot? Almost nobody does. You have bread, milk, eggs, and butter on the mind. There's people walking to and from the store and their cars, and occasionally you will see people outside their cars chatting with one another. Nothing suspicious at all about that. Well we are the ones chatting next to our cars "how is your wife and kids?" and blah blah. You just blend right in. Ain't nobody paying attention to us. Would you?
> 
> People coming and going from a single house/apartment constantly. Meeting up in dark alleys and empty parking lots. Walking up to some guy posted on a steer corner or at the park. That all looks highly suspicious and is a good way to increase your chances of getting busted imo.


Approximately 9 months out of the year the weather is miserable here. We get avg. 75 sunny days and 105 "partly sunny" (read: cloudy with the occasional glimpse of sun) days per year. Between end of September and end of March it's so cold people chatting outside in a parking lot would be noticed! 

I asked one of the old timers a while back what was up with the ritual. He said the customs hail from a time when sellers asked if buyers were cops and then toked a bit with them to verify they weren't actually a cop. He said hanging about for a while to chitchat was to keep the traffic discreet. People coming and going minutes later would be noticeable. People coming and visiting for a while just appears to be the standard friend thing. Plus, seriously, we'll all pretty much take any excuse to go visiting in the winter. Cabin fever is a thing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Edo Edo said:


> But what is so wrong about kids being aware of cananbis' existence? When I was young, I knew when "mommy" or "daddy" had a beer or glass of wine - and knew what it meant. I also knew it wasn't for me until I got older. What is so different about legal cannabis? Part of legalization is that you don't have to hide it anymore. It's no longer a "you can go to jail, if caught" conversation with your kids. It's now a "you are not allowed to try this until you a X years old" conversation. Until the children are old enough to have that lesson, treat the cannabis the same way you treat alcohol by keeping it away from their reach. Remember, part of the reason that there is such a big push now for legalization, is that it is widely known that governments have been exaggerating and outright lying to people about the harmful effects of cannabis for decades. Now that the truth is coming out, governments (local, state, and even the federal level) are having a hard time justifying its illegal status. Soon, the stigma will begin to disappear altogether.
> 
> Also, they weren't smoking in the house. According to the story, the actual inhaling was done outside away from the kids...


Its illegal here in the UK thank goodness. So many people use it and drive now as well, its so dangerous. No never would have wanted my kids to think it was ok to get high like that. They don't get drunk either. I have sensible kids. :smile2:


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Edo Edo said:
> 
> 
> > But what is so wrong about kids being aware of cananbis' existence? When I was young, I knew when "mommy" or "daddy" had a beer or glass of wine - and knew what it meant. I also knew it wasn't for me until I got older. What is so different about legal cannabis? Part of legalization is that you don't have to hide it anymore. It's no longer a "you can go to jail, if caught" conversation with your kids. It's now a "you are not allowed to try this until you a X years old" conversation. Until the children are old enough to have that lesson, treat the cannabis the same way you treat alcohol by keeping it away from their reach. Remember, part of the reason that there is such a big push now for legalization, is that it is widely known that governments have been exaggerating and outright lying to people about the harmful effects of cannabis for decades. Now that the truth is coming out, governments (local, state, and even the federal level) are having a hard time justifying its illegal status. Soon, the stigma will begin to disappear altogether.
> ...


It's no more dangerous than alcohol, and less impairing as far as driving goes.

So anyone who has ever gotten drink or high is not sensible? Haaaaaaa......


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Livvie said:


> It's no more dangerous than alcohol, and less impairing as far as driving goes.
> 
> So anyone who has ever gotten drink or high is not sensible? Haaaaaaa......


Or any host of over the counter or prescription meds, even when taken legally and exactly as prescribed. Hell, a mom with three bickering kids in the back of the mini van with a Starbucks in one hand and her phone in the other is way more dangerous on the roads than someone who smoked pot a half hour before.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Its illegal here in the UK thank goodness. So many people use it and drive now as well, its so dangerous. No never would have wanted my kids to think it was ok to get high like that. They don't get drunk either. I have sensible kids. :smile2:



I agree with you that getting stoned and driving is dangerous. It should be treated like drunk driving. No question. 


My point in advocating the mainstreaming of (and a legal status for) cannabis is that the reasons that it was made illegal a long time ago would never hold any weight today. Thus, governments began to disseminate lies about it so that the majority of people would continue to support it being illegal. Now that people can access information independently, governments can no longer hide their lies, thus laws are changing area by area. It's not a matter of society changing for the better/worse. It's a matter of society correcting a wrong that was made because it was lied to by special interest groups. If we were never lied to in the first place, would people have an overwhelming fear/desire to never let their kids be exposed to it OR would parents rather educate their kids about proper ages, doses, and how to behave responsibly when indulging (as many parents now teach their children about alcohol)? The sad truth is that in most areas, the legal consequences of possessing cannabis far outweigh any possible negative health impacts. That alone should be a reason for people demand their leaders take a step back and reexamine public policy in this area...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Livvie said:


> It's no more dangerous than alcohol, and less impairing as far as driving goes.
> 
> So anyone who has ever gotten drink or high is not sensible? Haaaaaaa......


Livvie...

Most of us here have no issue with a bit of recreational pot use. 

That is not what the problem is in this case. In this instance, you have a woman who is pulling money and resources and time away from her family and marriage in order to feed her need for weed. It is causing disharmony between her and her husband, and is therefore a problem in the marriage. She is also demonstrating a lot of sneaky, wayward behavior in her constant communication with pot dealers. The whole thing is a recipe for disaster.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Whatever happened to people being sober? No substance abuse. No one needs alcohol, MJ, drugs, or nicotine. But how many people can't function without it? Alcohol really pisses me off, unbelievable it's so accepted. It ruins so many lives and families. Then the kids pick it up at age 13 and repeat the cycle. Maybe if people ate healthy and worked out, they wouldn't need so many damn substances to fill their emptiness.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> Whatever happened to people being sober? No substance abuse. No one needs alcohol, MJ, drugs, or nicotine. But how many people can't function without it? Alcohol really pisses me off, unbelievable it's so accepted. It ruins so many lives and families. Then the kids pick it up at age 13 and repeat the cycle. Maybe if people ate healthy and worked out, they wouldn't need so many damn substances to fill their emptiness.


I so agree. I just don't get why so many people think its ok get drunk and use drugs like pot. Its bad for their bodies, minds and lives. Its bad for society and those around them. Its bad for families and costs the countries we live in an absolute fortune in policing and medical care. 
I am so glad that pot use is illegal where I live, long may it stay that way. 

I haven't got drunk since I was a stupid teenager, even then it was only a few times. I have never taken illegal drugs, its sad that so many just follow the herd and don't think for themselves any more. 'Oh my friends do it so I must do it as well'. Wasting their lives and money on things that are so bad for them. 

Its all such a waste.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Livvie said:


> It's no more dangerous than alcohol, and less impairing as far as driving goes.
> 
> So anyone who has ever gotten drink or high is not sensible? Haaaaaaa......


Its dangerous to drive while smoking pot. Many have died because of it. Yes I agree with you about alcohol, that's a dangerous drug as well. I get that some teenagers are stupid and do stupid things, but here we are taking about adults who are married and have children. People who should be using common sense, who have responsibilities and who should be setting an example to their children.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> I so agree. I just don't get why so many people think its ok get drunk and use drugs like pot. Its bad for their bodies, minds and lives. Its bad for society and those around them. Its bad for families and costs the countries we live in an absolute fortune in policing and medical care.
> I am so glad that pot use is illegal where I live, long may it stay that way.
> 
> I haven't got drunk since I was a stupid teenager, even then it was only a few times. I have never taken illegal drugs, its sad that so many just follow the herd and don't think for themselves any more. 'Oh my friends do it so I must do it as well'. Wasting their lives and money on things that are so bad for them.
> ...


Yup.. It is such a waste. Think of how many lives will be forever changed tonight because of alcohol. How many will die? So unnecessary. Too bad it's such big business and so many jobs depend on it. Sigh.

I've drank enough alcohol to know what I'm saying. I've even got arrested and spent 8hrs in jail due to stupid alcohol. Thank heavens the charges were dropped. I still drank after, just so stupid. I gave it up in August altogether and honestly will never go back to it. I don't even drink soda, been off that for 2 years. Having self control is an amazing feeling and being proud of the body it produces is the reward.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> Yup.. It is such a waste. Think of how many lives will be forever changed tonight because of alcohol. How many will die? So unnecessary. Too bad it's such big business and so many jobs depend on it. Sigh.
> 
> I've drank enough alcohol to know what I'm saying. I've even got arrested and spent 8hrs in jail due to stupid alcohol. Thank heavens the charges were dropped. I still drank after, just so stupid. I gave it up in August altogether and honestly will never go back to it. I don't even drink soda, been off that for 2 years. Having self control is an amazing feeling and being proud of the body it produces is the reward.


Good for you. 
Its when those who are high or drunk kill others that I get really mad. If they want to kill themselves then go ahead, but so often its the innocent who get hurt. Of course we all know how bad the effects of smoking are anyway, even without the pot. All of these things are bad for our bodies, and many for our minds as well.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> > It's no more dangerous than alcohol, and less impairing as far as driving goes.
> ...


Hi... The post of mine you quoted and just responded to was a response of mine to Diana, who has an extremely negative view of marijuana generally.

I agree with you. I've already stated on this thread that it's my opinion OP's wife's pot smoking is not a good thing for the marriage.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I am a Canadian, and I go to a store to buy my marijuana. I use it in place of several drugs I used for chronic pain. The painkillers I was on before rendered me non functional. I do not use it all of the time, and I am responsible in my use: I will not smoke in public. Only in my home. I will not operate a vehicle or machinery after I have smoked.

That being said. I smoke with my wife, and I consider it somewhat bad manners to smoke, when you know your spouse cannot. At the least, do not socialize. That further complicates matters and distances one spouse from the other. If my wife no longer wanted to smoke, I would first say that it was her choice, but I will continue. I will not smoke outside the home and I will not socialize with stoners and exclude my spouse.

It seems that OP and his wife need a bit of a summit. PS, is OP subject to regular drug screening at work?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Approximately 9 months out of the year the weather is miserable here. We get avg. 75 sunny days and 105 "partly sunny" (read: cloudy with the occasional glimpse of sun) days per year. Between end of September and end of March it's so cold people chatting outside in a parking lot would be noticed!
> 
> I asked one of the old timers a while back what was up with the ritual. He said the customs hail from a time when sellers asked if buyers were cops and then toked a bit with them to verify they weren't actually a cop. He said hanging about for a while to chitchat was to keep the traffic discreet. People coming and going minutes later would be noticeable. People coming and visiting for a while just appears to be the standard friend thing. Plus, seriously, we'll all pretty much take any excuse to go visiting in the winter. Cabin fever is a thing.



Ah, yes, my MJ, my Jean...
in Michigan...

When you left the house before, the black thunder clouds followed you all summer.
When you left in the winter, the same clouds, more gray followed you all winter.

In the summer the clouds delivered rain and thunder.
In the winter the clouds deliver snow, sleet and fog.

But, the pot user.... all year...
Is followed by a white, burned leaf cloud 
Delivering no rain, no snow, no pain.
And God awful fog.

Fog from within not from without the cloud.


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## lostnlove24 (Dec 7, 2017)

Hey everyone, thanks for all the replies. However, this post was not intended to be a debate for or against Marijuana, alcohol, or other drugs. I was asking for opinions about some issues in my marriage.


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