# Love my hubby but not "in love" with him... can it be fixed??



## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

Ive been married for almost 15 yrs. We are both 37 yrs old. We've agreed that I would be a stay at home mom and I currently don't have to work (really have never worked outside of the home)
We met and married really quickly because we fell in love so fast and I also had a 3 yr old. (we now have 3 kids) I loved him and was hot for him for a long time. Then over the past couple of years I just don't find him attractive anymore. Sex with him makes me sick and I have to force myself to do it! I barely ever say No and will normally always give him sex because it's my wifely duty. But, I never want to. He is my best friend and I do love him, I'm just not in love with him anymore. I'm very fit and active now and he isn't. Things that didn't bother me too much like during sex; the snorting sounds he makes or the look of his teeth (which are getting worse and he won't fix) He has also gained weight and has man boobs... I feel so petty and shallow!! 
I have thought of leaving him, but since I have supported him and his carrer all these years (he is now an executive) I have NO skills outside of the home and wouldn't be able to support myself. (and of course, I stay for the kids) I feel stuck! And truthfully, I'm not sure that is what I want!
I guess I have resentment for him moving us all over the country for his job over the past several years and now we are finally setteled in a place I love, he has to move us again. I am now refusing to leave and we currently live apart because his job moved him across the country. (l like it, he does not) And he wants us to move asap! It is causing a lot of strife. 
Ive been to counceling, but am still confused!! Can you get back that "lovin'" feeling? I'm not so sure!


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## rabbit75 (Jan 7, 2013)

Would he be able to afford getting his teeth fixed?

Have you suggested that he work out, and if so, what has he said?

If he took care of those two issues (bad teeth and being out of shape), do you think you'd be attracted to him?


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

I did ask him to workout and he does for a bit, then quits because he doesn't like it. He won't go to a gym or get a trainer. He doesn't see anything wrong with his teeth and said if I truly loved him, it shouldn't matter. (We can afford to get them fixed)
As petty as it sounds, it would probably help though. 
I see a lot of fit hunky guys in the gym where I go and I can say that I am a visual person! I do get attention from other guys, which I like the attention (but would never act upon; I'm not a cheater). 
My hubby is a great guy and treats me very well. (I have him wrapped around my finger) which makes this even harder...


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

fourmoreplease said:


> Ive been married for almost 15 yrs. We are both 37 yrs old. We've agreed that I would be a stay at home mom and I currently don't have to work (really have never worked outside of the home)
> We met and married really quickly because we fell in love so fast and I also had a 3 yr old. (we now have 3 kids) I loved him and was hot for him for a long time. Then over the past couple of years I just don't find him attractive anymore. Sex with him makes me sick and I have to force myself to do it! I barely ever say No and will normally always give him sex because it's my wifely duty. But, I never want to. He is my best friend and I do love him, I'm just not in love with him anymore.


You're right about one thing, "in love" means you want to have sex with him.




fourmoreplease said:


> I'm very fit and active now and he isn't.


So, you weren't always fit and active. Now that you are, you're getting attention from other males who are hotter than your H. You've gone down the road of devaluing your husband, first subconsciously and now consciously, so you're well primed for an affair or a divorce. It's a natural thing to happen, but usually around 4-7 years. Ever heard of the 7 year itch. Most likely the reason it's just now happening to you is that you were not as hot as you are now, thus you weren't getting the attention. See, women by nature want to copulate with the fittest available males; it's a biological imperative. I'm a physique/strength trainer, so I know exactly how this works. Your sex rank is going up and his is dropping. Your getting offers, the limbic system takes over from the cortex.



fourmoreplease said:


> Things that didn't bother me too much like during sex; the snorting sounds he makes or the look of his teeth (which are getting worse and he won't fix) He has also gained weight and has man boobs... I feel so petty and shallow!!


No, you dwelling on all his shortcomings is all part of the process of disengagement from the STBXH. Standard stuff.



fourmoreplease said:


> I have thought of leaving him, but since I have supported him and his carrer all these years (he is now an executive) I have NO skills outside of the home and wouldn't be able to support myself. (and of course, I stay for the kids) I feel stuck! And truthfully, I'm not sure that is what I want!


Are you talking to one guy in particular or several?



fourmoreplease said:


> I guess I have resentment for him moving us all over the country for his job over the past several years and now we are finally setteled in a place I love, he has to move us again.


I'm guessing you have a pretty good lifestyle right? I left the big corporate style world at age 43 for the reason that in my organization, you had to move to move up. Took a big hit on the $$. 



fourmoreplease said:


> I am now refusing to leave and we currently live apart because his job moved him across the country. (l like it, he does not) And he wants us to move asap! It is causing a lot of strife.


You don't want to move because you've got a guy(s) on the line locally, or you soon will. Your husband wants you to move because, unless he's a total dumba$$, he figures that's going to happen. He also probably wants sex, but he's not willing to go pick up some strange. Yet.



fourmoreplease said:


> Ive been to counceling, but am still confused!!


Did you tell the counselor guys were hitting on you and you were eating it up? When you get attention from strange men, you get a dopamine buzz. When you have sex with strange men, you get an incredible crack-like high from PEA, dopamine, norepihephrine, adrenaline, serotonin, and other brain sex chemicals. I don't know where you are on this progression, just talking to guys and soaking up their schtick or if you're actively in an affair. Either way it's highly addictive. This is why it's confusing. BTW, this is a feedback loop where the bigger the dopamine jolt from new guys, the greater the detachment from your H.



fourmoreplease said:


> Can you get back that "lovin'" feeling? I'm not so sure!


First, quit basking in the attentions of strange men. If you're in an affair already, quit it. Move out to where your husband is ASAP. Tell your H to shape up or ship out. You'll be amazed at how your attitude to your husband changes when he has a 32" waist and a 46" chest, 17" neck, six pack, and 16" arms. Also, have him read a book called "Married Man Sex Life Primer."


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

fourmoreplease said:


> I did ask him to workout and he does for a bit, then quits because he doesn't like it. He won't go to a gym or get a trainer. He doesn't see anything wrong with his teeth and said if I truly loved him, it shouldn't matter. (We can afford to get them fixed)
> As petty as it sounds, it would probably help though.
> I see a lot of fit hunky guys in the gym where I go and I can say that I am a visual person! I do get attention from other guys, which I like the attention


See what I mean? I figured it was at the gym with you flaunting your hot new body. It's only natural.



fourmoreplease said:


> (but would never act upon; I'm not a cheater).


Okay, you're not cheater, no woman is until she becomes one. Even after they do it, they still hate cheaters, because they aren't really cheating. After all, they're not really married anymore because .... (insert any excuse here). Guys call this her "rationalization hamster."



fourmoreplease said:


> My hubby is a great guy and treats me very well. (*I have him wrapped around my finger)* which makes this even harder...


And that's part of the problem. See how the cortex, your rational thought, knows you should stay with him, but your limbic (formerly called the "reptilian") brain is getting cranked by the idea of a hotter guy? 

The fact he's wrapped around your finger is actually a turnoff. If he was riding off at night by himself on his chopper to meet who knows who, or having women rape him with their eyes every time the two of you are out together, I guarantee you would not be in this "confusion."


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

Yes, us moving has moved him up the corporate ladder substantially. I would say that i am aging more gracefully and do not look my age, but he does...i do like the attention, you are right. But, no, I'm not having affair. I did tell my councilor and she said I shouldn't talk to those guys. I did cut one out and am still friend with the other (he is 10 yrs younger and doesn't see me like that; more like a sister) . Mostly it's just comments and looks from the guys at the gym. 
I do know that I'm not all that and I'm lucky to have such a caring man but sometime I feel like our roles are reversed and I'm the man and he's the wife (he likes to share feelings & talk. me... Not so much) which doesn't help the "wanting to have sex with him" problem. 
You are probably right, him having that build would help.. I'm so shallow!


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

fourmoreplease said:


> Yes, us moving has moved him up the corporate ladder substantially. I would say that i am aging more gracefully and do not look my age, but he does...i do like the attention, you are right. But, no, I'm not having affair.


I'm glad to hear it, but it's probably going to happen unless you realize you're ripe and take steps. Which is why you're here.



fourmoreplease said:


> I did tell my councilor and she said I shouldn't talk to those guys. I did cut one out and am still friend with the other (he is 10 yrs younger and doesn't see me like that; more like a sister) .


That's what you think. He'd do you. Gladly.



fourmoreplease said:


> Mostly it's just comments and looks from the guys at the gym.


That's how it starts. Then you're going to get some guy who knows what he's doing (they're out there) and before you even know what happened you'll be having the hottest sex ever. The forbidden kind.



fourmoreplease said:


> I do know that I'm not all that and I'm lucky to have such a caring man but sometime I feel like our roles are reversed and I'm the man and he's the wife (he likes to share feelings & talk. me... Not so much)


You're 37, your testosterone is as high as it's ever going to be (unless you supplement someday) and you're in the best shape of your life, I'd bet. Your libido should be at it's peak for a couple more years. You're not interested, for hard-wired biological reasons, in a wimpy dude, but you're H has been programmed by society to believe women, that would be you, want a sensitive, caring man, but women don't get wet for those guys in real life.



fourmoreplease said:


> which doesn't help the "wanting to have sex with him" problem.


Exactly, it makes it even worse. Tell him you're worried about him and have been reading up on the symptoms of low testosterone and he had every one of them. He almost certainly is below 800, which is where you want him to be.

[/QUOTE]You are probably right, him having that build would help.. I'm so shallow![/QUOTE]

Nothing shallow about it. There's a thing called the Golden Ratio that triggers the limbic sexual response in women from all cultures. Your husband doesn't have the golden ratio, but the gym guys do and that automatically, without you even thinking about it, makes them more appealing. However, I promise you if there were a good reason for his crappy body, like an injury or something, you wouldn't feel that way. Your cortex would, hopefully, override your limbic. However, since your H is a lazy a$$ it makes a difference. Plus, he's away.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Not attracted to husband, but husband makes a lot of money and wife doesn't work so she's torn...

lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

you most certainly will not get that feeling back being across the country from him. The path you are on is a slippery slope and though you say you won't cheat, it can happen without you meaning for it to. Believe me, been there done that. The longer you stay away from him, the more likely it is to happen. You need to move and have an honest heart to heart with your hubby. Those feelings can return but that means trying when you don't feel like it. Moving around, as you know, is one of the negatives to his job but you get to enjoy all the positives. It's something you will likely have to accept as it is part of the package unless he is willing to take a different job where he doesn't have to move any more for work. good luck with your decision. The grass is only greener where you water it.


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

Interlocutor said:


> Not attracted to husband, but husband makes a lot of money and wife doesn't work so she's torn...
> 
> lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why is that LOL??? I have supported him his whole career! From him making 10k a year to now... We have move all over the country and left behind numerous friends to go with him. 
I don't work because we decided that it is best for our children and when he was making 10k I still stayed at home with the children. 

So why again, that I'm concerned that there is no way I can support myself if I left him, Lol??


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

happysnappy said:


> you most certainly will not get that feeling back being across the country from him. The path you are on is a slippery slope and though you say you won't cheat, it can happen without you meaning for it to. Believe me, been there done that. The longer you stay away from him, the more likely it is to happen. You need to move and have an honest heart to heart with your hubby. Those feelings can return but that means trying when you don't feel like it. Moving around, as you know, is one of the negatives to his job but you get to enjoy all the positives. It's something you will likely have to accept as it is part of the package unless he is willing to take a different job where he doesn't have to move any more for work. good luck with your decision. The grass is only greener where you water it.


You are right about that. But we are going to be apart at least until summer (when the kids get out of school). 
We do talk and he does come home every month. But when I try to share my feelings he always gets his feelings hurt or it ends in a fight. 
I do still have sex with him. He would like it daily when we are together, but understands that is to much for me. I do pretend to like it. But on the inside, I'm NOT enjoying it.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Unless you are getting a divorce, you should move and be with your husband. How overweight is he? It's tough being a nag, but I think you should have the conversation about how important it is for you, for his health, for him to lose weight and get in shape. do it with him. Go with him after work or on the weekends. Play tennis together, jog.

My husband has been needing to lose weight for years, although it has not affected my attraction to him. After a family member our age died (mid 40's) I told my husband that he'd better get into shape and I try to make healthy dinners, and have been making him lunch so he doesn't have fast food, and brought him to my gym to sign up. A big difference is that my husband is on board, but maybe you need to push harder with your husband. He sounds like a good man and a good provider.


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## mazapantera (Jan 9, 2013)

Dont cheat, put your self in his shoes and ask yourself how to make him more atractive. Try asking him to go to the gym or work out toguether. Talk to him dont say something that you would regret.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

fourmoreplease said:


> Why is that LOL??? I have supported him his whole career! From him making 10k a year to now... We have move all over the country and left behind numerous friends to go with him.
> I don't work because we decided that it is best for our children and when he was making 10k I still stayed at home with the children.
> 
> So why again, that I'm concerned that there is no way I can support myself if I left him, Lol??


It's lol because you are only seeing things from your point of view. You've posted nothing yet to show any consideration for how you husband might view the situation.

Who cares if you've 'supported' his career since he made just 10k a year? He's also supported you while you stayed at home with the kids. He's supported you and your child before any of his own biological children came into the picture. He's never asked you to lift so much as a finger outside the house and likely, once the kids are grown an gone, then he won't ask you work outside the house then either. He's been financially supporting you 100%, but you don't give that any credit yet in this thread. Instead, its about how you supported his career.

How did you support his career? Are you saying his career would not have happened if you didn't stay at home with YOUR child while he worked on building his career? How does that support his career? And last I checked, raising kids is a mutal obligation. He went out and earned the paycheck, you stayed home and raised them. He supported you just as much as you supported him. Arguably, considering he took on the financial obligations of your child, he supported you more.

I also find it interesting the timing of this thread. You say you have been together for 15 years and you came into the relationship with a 3 year old. I guess that would make your son 18 now, and ready to leave the house? So you don't need your husbands help to support him anymore huh? Interesting.

So what's the plan? Leave, take him for spousal and child support for his three children he has with you and go find a hard body with perfect teeth to shack up with?

I get that there can be stress from moving, but I also suspect you knew the moves were coming as part of his job, similar to that of a military spouse. It's part of life. Deal with it.

I also agree that your husband should improve his image. That's a big issue, both for sexual appeal and for health.

I think though that what is likely to come of your situation is you will leave, likely straight into another relationship with one of these other men in your life, and continue to enjoy the financial gains from your marriage to your STBXH.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It's a LOL because his work has given you a life of luxury and leisure, and look what it got him. A wife who wants to live separately and flirt with other men. The word "entitled" comes to mind.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> It's lol because you are only seeing things from your point of view. You've posted nothing yet to show any consideration for how you husband might view the situation.
> 
> Who cares if you've 'supported' his career since he made just 10k a year? He's also supported you while you stayed at home with the kids. He's supported you and your child before any of his own biological children came into the picture. He's never asked you to lift so much as a finger outside the house and likely, once the kids are grown an gone, then he won't ask you work outside the house then either. He's been financially supporting you 100%, but you don't give that any credit yet in this thread. Instead, its about how you supported his career.
> 
> ...


Bingo!


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> It's a LOL because his work has given you a life of luxury and leisure, and look what it got him. A wife who wants to live separately and flirt with other men. The word "entitled" comes to mind.


Bingo.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

If there's anyone who should read Athol Kay's MMSL, it's your husband. He sounds about as clueless as I used to be about this stuff. Also, direct him to the Chateau Heartiste blog. It's eye-opening. 

I'm not going to bash you, fourmoreplease; at least you're honest about revealing your thoughts honestly and coming here for advice. Soak up what Machiavelli is saying. Now you know the reason for all that attraction to the guys at the gym. Hopefully you'll put in solid boundaries and never cross that line. 

I'd suggest you and husband go to the gym and work out together. That's what my wife and I do. Keeps the predators away.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

I think that the negative comments are unnecessary. She came here looking for advice, and it is not like she is denying him sex. She can't help not feeling attracted to her hubby, he should want to get up off of his a$$ and exercise and fix his teeth. When she discusses things he gets his feelings hurt. He should be able to accept constructive criticism from his wife as it may help his marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I disagree. I think that seeing the issue from all of the angles is quite necessary. Just telling her what she wants to hear is not going to help her or her marriage. She needs to know how her attitude looks from the outside.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Fourmoreplease,

Ignore the unnecessary attacks from some of the guys,.... I think they're personal feelings are just a tad bit hurt because many of them have man boobs, bad teeth and a big stomach. And it's probably easier to attack you for just being honest about your feelings than it is for them to lose weight and get their wives to want f*ck them.

with that in mind....

My husband is a plus size guy, great teeth though lol, and I'm incredibly attracted to him. He's my "type". If fat men aren't YOUR type though, that's 1000% ok. And it's unsurprising that you don't desire to sleep with your husband if he's a fat guy and fat guys turn you off, especially if you're in shape. Sometimes (typically) men have very fragile egos and their feelings are easily hurt, that's why he can't take criticism from you. He's not trying to ignore your feelings, he just naturally feels criticized when you bring these things up to him. And it puts him on the defense. So keep that in mind when you're talking, knowing that he's not ignoring your feelings on purpose will probably help you not to feel so resentful towards him.

When you talk to him, use "we" statements.... "we should work out", "we should eat healthy", "we should see a dentist". Make it about both of you and not just him, because it is about both of you. And we he makes a goal, loses 10lbs, eats a healthy meal, makes a dentist appointment. Reward him with something, a bj, sex, nice meal, lingerie, massage etc
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Batty (Dec 20, 2012)

Wow - the chubby hubby did it all on his own. Where can he pick up his awesome award?

If he can be bothered to move his family all over hell's half acre for the sake of his career, he can take the time to work out and fix his teeth for the same reason. Looks matter, like it or not, and maybe it'll help him along at the office as well as in the bedroom.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

techmom said:


> I think that the negative comments are unnecessary. She came here looking for advice, and it is not like she is denying him sex. She can't help not feeling attracted to her hubby, he should want to get up off of his a$$ and exercise and fix his teeth. When she discusses things he gets his feelings hurt. He should be able to accept constructive criticism from his wife as it may help his marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, she can help her lack of feeling attracted to her husband by stop flirting with men at the gym. That'd be a good start. It's rather hard to focus on your marriage when you're trying to see which pasture is greener. Of course her husband should shape up, he shouldn't take his wife for granted. But let's not pretend the OP is putting her best foot forward in this relationship either.



aribabe said:


> Fourmoreplease,
> 
> Ignore the unnecessary attacks from some of the guys,.... I think they're personal feelings are just a tad bit hurt because many of them have man boobs, bad teeth and a big stomach.


Yeah, lets ignore their attacks... by attacking them without a shred of evidence to support generalized and inaccurate comments. Good call.



aribabe said:


> And it's probably easier to attack you for just being honest about your feelings than it is for them to lose weight and get their wives to want f*ck them.


One would expect it''d be easier to type out a few paragraphs over a few minutes than to hit the gym 4x a week and lose 40 lbs. Doesn't mean that's all we do.



aribabe said:


> Sometimes (typically) men have very fragile egos and their feelings are easily hurt, that's why he can't take criticism from you. He's not trying to ignore your feelings, he just naturally feels criticized when you bring these things up to him. And it puts him on the defense. So keep that in mind when you're talking, knowing that he's not ignoring your feelings on purpose will probably help you not to feel so resentful towards him.


This applies to everyone, not just men.



aribabe said:


> When you talk to him, use "we" statements.... "we should work out", "we should eat healthy", "we should see a dentist". Make it about both of you and not just him, because it is about both of you. And we he makes a goal, loses 10lbs, eats a healthy meal, makes a dentist appointment. Reward him with something, a bj, sex, nice meal, lingerie, massage etc
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is good advice. Instead of fighting with him, fight alongside him for the marriage. "we" comments turn the fight from being between the two of you to being for the two of you.



Batty said:


> Wow - the chubby hubby did it all on his own. Where can he pick up his awesome award?


Who said he did it all on his own?

That said, the OP certainly gives him zero praise for the work he put into his career, yet has no trouble pointing out her support of him.



Batty said:


> If he can be bothered to move his family all over hell's half acre for the sake of his career, he can take the time to work out and fix his teeth for the same reason. Looks matter, like it or not, and maybe it'll help him along at the office as well as in the bedroom.


Maybe he wouldn't have to move his family "all over hell's half acre" if she would get a job. She agreed to the current set up too.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

You know what would really help her lack of feeling attracted to her fat husband? Him not being so fat. She doesn't have to want to suck on his man boobs when they're having sex, and whether or not she's flirting with men at the gym or not, she's never going to want to suck them. So a good start, would be for him to lose them. That would actually be a fantastic start

She should absolutely ignore the attacks, why in the world wouldn't she lol. Anonymous fat men telling her that she has no right to not be attracted to her fat husband, his bad teeth, or his big breasts? I'd certainly ignore it. Especially when there's a thread below this one somewhere, where it's the wife that is fat and many of the same fat men are saying that the husband has the right to be unattracted.


kingsfan said:


> Yes, she can help her lack of feeling attracted to her husband by stop flirting with men at the gym. That'd be a good start. It's rather hard to focus on your marriage when you're trying to see which pasture is greener. Of course her husband should shape up, he shouldn't take his wife for granted. But let's not pretend the OP is putting her best foot forward in this relationship either.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

aribabe said:


> You know what would really help her lack of feeling attracted to her fat husband? Him not being so fat. She doesn't have to want to suck on his man boobs when they're having sex, and whether or not she's flirting with men at the gym or not, she's never going to want to suck them. So a good start, would be for him to lose them. That would actually be a fantastic start
> 
> She should absolutely ignore the attacks, why in the world wouldn't she lol. Anonymous fat men telling her that she has no right to not be attracted to her fat husband, his bad teeth, or his big breasts? I'd certainly ignore it. Especially when there's a thread below this one somewhere, where it's the wife that is fat and many of the same fat men are saying that the husband has the right to be unattracted.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sure likes his fat wallet though.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

And he apparently likes her fat p*ssy....your point?

His wallet, no matter how fat, will never make his big breasts attractive to his wife. And that's perfectly normanl. And absolutely ok.



WorkingOnMe said:


> Sure likes his fat wallet though.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sounds like your done.

if you have tryied to comunicate to your husband theses issues ....dudes at the gym and all . why not maybe that will jump start his fat a$$ to start exersicing. 

and he is not trying then time to move on.or accept him for who he is a loving caring man who provides you!

but the grass only looks greener from the other side the vast majority of the time.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

aribabe said:


> She should absolutely ignore the attacks, why in the world wouldn't she lol. Anonymous fat men telling her that she has no right to not be attracted to her fat husband, his bad teeth, or his big breasts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lady Aribabe, please humor me, if you may, with citing what facts you have that the users that you feel are attacking her are fat, unattractive, etc.? Also, when presenting this photo/anectdotal evidence, please challenge yourself to restricting your response to solely presenting that data. Thank you in advance, madame.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Aww, honey

It's just that when I see a thread full of men with their panties in a bunch over a woman not enjoying her husband's big breasts, I can only assume they're so upset because they have big breasts as well. And their wives don't want to suck them, which I would imagine hurts you all's feelings.

BUT

If you have normal size breasts, that's great Interlocutor



Interlocutor said:


> Lady Aribabe, please humor me, if you may, with citing what facts you have that the users that you feel are attacking her are fat, unattractive, etc.? Also, when presenting this photo/anectdotal evidence, please challenge yourself to restricting your response to solely presenting that data. Thank you in advance, madame.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

aribabe said:


> It's just that when I see a thread full of men with their panties in a bunch over a woman not enjoying her husband's big breasts, I can only assume they're so upset because they have big breasts as well.


I'm not so sure. Men are portrayed in popular culture as shallow creatures who only care about a woman's physical appearance and being unhappy with an overweight wife is perceived as a sign of immaturity and ingratitude.

There are Facebook groups, for example that champion a woman's right to be plus size and the comments about men who think otherwise are pretty vulgar. 

I think you're just seeing a rebellion over a perceived double standard.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Aww, honey
> 
> It's just that when I see a thread full of men with their panties in a bunch over a woman not enjoying her husband's big breasts, I can only assume they're so upset because they have big breasts as well. And their wives don't want to suck them, which I would imagine hurts you all's feelings.
> 
> ...


Duchess, I am ashamed... For one who courageously jumped in the face of such ravenous attackers to the defense of the distressed and grief-stricken OP who cannot find again her valued sexual feelings for her husband that she has misplaced, you seemed to be the paragon that this thread so badly needed, someone who was better qualified to graciously donate advice of the highest quality unlike the swill the OP has been being served. However, like a child discovering his fallible parents had been taking the guise of Santa Claus, believing wrongly that this character was delivering presents to the whole world, I have painfully lost my innocence of your charm... Tsk, tsk, tsk, Maliciously assuming insulting physical figures for our posters, I would have only imagined you clearly knew something we did not. At this junction, I cannot continue upholding the high merit for your TAM-reputed charm you once had. I do look forward to observing you crawl out of this lapse and come back to the typical rational, objective, factual, unbiased, untainted, and far-sighted posts I usually read from you. Thank you for your time mi'lady.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I don't see a rebellion here over a double standard,

I see a page full of "thick" (that's pc right ) men attacking a woman for not enjoying having sex with her fat husband. The attacks against her seem incredibly personal. And terribly long winded I must add.
And many of these same men have advised men in other threads to divorce their fat wives. THAT is the double standard.

It is very unlikely that men without, um, robust breasts, that maintain attractive, appealing bodies, would tell a woman that because her husband works she not only has to suck his large breasts, but enjoy it as well. That is ludicorus.



ocotillo said:


> I'm not so sure. Men are portrayed in popular culture as shallow creatures who only care about a woman's physical appearance and being unhappy with an overweight wife is perceived as a sign of immaturity and ingratitude.
> 
> There are Facebook groups, for example that champion a woman's right to be plus size and the comments about men who think otherwise are pretty vulgar.
> 
> I think you're just seeing a rebellion over a perceived double standard.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

ocotillo said:


> I'm not so sure. Men are portrayed in popular culture as shallow creatures who only care about a woman's physical appearance and being unhappy with an overweight wife is perceived as a sign of immaturity and ingratitude.
> 
> There are Facebook groups, for example that champion a woman's right to be plus size and the comments about men who think otherwise are pretty vulgar.
> 
> I think you're just seeing a rebellion over a perceived double standard.


If there is one phenomenon we may surmise, it is that through some self-defensive variety of hyperactive agency distortion, the entity that benefits most from the double-standards will not welcome rebellion or appeal from the party that is harmed or that benefits the least so as to retain their higher ground. With distorted perception, they will label and see them as monsters despite the facts that they might have valid arguments and that they might actually be diplomatic and helpful. So it is natural, also, to see the "double-standard-bearer" wish to 
hurl harsh words at the approaching "rebellion."

I would like to cite the continued claim that what the male posters wish deep-down in their souls is to have their large breasts suckled. I would also like to cite the claim that what the OP's husband really wants is to have his breasts suckled meanwhile his wife is trying to avoid sucking them. This supports the above I propose, very telling of what is being dealt with.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Interlocutor, I read your post twice sweetie. And I truly haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about... sometimes I need things summed up for me. If you could do that, say in just a couple of sentences, with periods. That'd be so awesome.



Interlocutor said:


> Duchess, I am ashamed... For one who courageously jumped in the face of such ravenous attackers to the defense of the distressed and grief-stricken OP who cannot find again her valued sexual feelings for her husband that she has misplaced, you seemed to be the paragon that this thread so badly needed, someone who was better qualified to graciously donate advice of the highest quality unlike the swill the OP has been being served. However, like a child discovering his fallible parents had been taking the guise of Santa Claus, believing wrongly that this character was delivering presents to the whole world, I have painfully lost my innocence of your charm... Tsk, tsk, tsk, Maliciously assuming insulting physical figures for our posters, I would have only imagined you clearly knew something we did not. At this junction, I cannot continue upholding the high merit for your TAM-reputed charm you once had. I do look forward to observing you crawl out of this lapse and come back to the typical rational, objective, factual, unbiased, untainted, and far-sighted posts I usually read from you. Thank you for your time mi'lady.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Interlocutor, I read your post twice sweetie. And I truly haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about... sometimes I need things summed up for me. If you could do that, say in just a couple of sentences, with periods. That'd be so awesome.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She needs shorter sentences Interlocutor. You'll need to get it down to grade level.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Interlocutor said:


> If there is one phenomenon we may surmise, it is that through some self-defensive variety of hyperactive agency distortion, the entity that benefits most from the double-standards will not welcome rebellion or appeal from the party that is harmed or that benefits the least so as to retain their higher ground. With distorted perception, they will label and see them as monsters despite the facts that they might have valid arguments and that they might actually be diplomatic and helpful. So it is natural, also, to see the "double-standard-bearer" wish to
> hurl harsh words at the approaching "rebellion."
> 
> I would like to cite the continued claim that what the male posters wish deep-down in their souls is to have their large breasts suckled. I would also like to cite the claim that what the OP's husband really wants is to have his breasts suckled meanwhile his wife is trying to avoid sucking them. This supports the above I propose.


It's not even a challenge to dredge up threads here where the genders were reversed and the shallow male was taken pretty strongly to task. I don't remember anybody jumping in and calling those who disapproved of his attitude fat though...


----------



## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Interlocutor, I read your post twice sweetie. And I truly haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about... sometimes I need things summed up for me. If you could do that, say in just a couple of sentences, with periods. That'd be so awesome.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lady, the periods are all where they belong. Were you to fully understand mechanics and sentence writing, you'd concede there were no fragments, run-ons, or other situations where periods were incorrectly lacking or incorrectly placed. If you refer to subjective sentence style, then I would simply apologize for failing to meet the model of pleasing-to-Ladyaribabe sentence structure you were expecting... A thousand apologies in that case... Please accept, madame.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Thanks for the help WorkingOnMe 



WorkingOnMe said:


> She needs shorter sentences Interlocutor. You'll need to get it down to grade level.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

aribabe said:


> And many of these same men have advised men in other threads to divorce their fat wives. THAT is the double standard.


Yes, that would be a serious double standard and I would agree with you there. I don't recall that myself, but I don't read everything here either


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

So... that's a no on the periods then? 



Interlocutor said:


> Lady, the periods are all where they belong. Were you to fully understand mechanics and sentence writing, you'd concede there were no fragments, run-ons, or other situations where periods were incorrectly lacking or incorrectly placed. If you refer to subjective sentence style, then I would simply apologize for failing to meet the model of pleasing-to-Ladyaribabe sentence structure you were expecting... A thousand apologies in that case... Please accept, madame.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

ocotillo said:


> It's not even a challenge to dredge up threads here where the genders were reversed and the shallow male was taken pretty strongly to task. I don't remember anybody jumping in and calling those who disapproved of his attitude fat though...


No, it is not a challenge for that indeed.

For the "calling of the fat," it is a presence in this thread that those who disapprove of some of the OP's tone and thus-far approach (NOT her argument that she wishes her husband was more attractive to her) have been noted with no evidence of being overweight males sporting breasts... I assert, that this is surely at least some mild distortion, no?


----------



## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

aribabe said:


> So... that's a no on the periods then?
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Missis Aribabe, 

If what you're asking me to do is just insert periods only to my post, then as a modest but still-prideful poster of English I must decline as that would surely create faulty fragmentation throughout without also editing clause and phrase order and placement. I was hoping my deep well of apologies was sufficient enough to reach your good graces again.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

ocotillo said:


> Yes, that would be a serious double standard and I would agree with you there. I don't recall that myself, but I don't read everything here either


That would be, however, I'm sure you will agree that the typical double-standard is that plus-size women are acceptable in today's society with rap songs slinging out phrases for women like "thicker than a Snickers" and with plus-size models, etc. There is support for them and we are swamped with propaganda and advertising that they are attractive too. Meanwhile, there are little to no fat male models, no songs celebrating man-boobs, etc.

To put on notice such a double-standard for the sake of males is surely not draconian and worthy of insults, a focus applying to this particular thread right now, unlike other hypothetical or unrelated threads that can be found or mentioned with their own set of false standards, biased opinions, etc.


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## rabbit75 (Jan 7, 2013)

OP,

If you want to avoid an affair with men at the gym, then have you considered spending a few thousand dollars on all the gym equipment you need in your home? It sounds like you could afford it. When your husband comes over once a month, tell him you'd like to see him lift some weight because it turns you on. He might be more likely to keep up an exercise routine if he could work out in his own home.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

FrenchFry,

Of course I totally agree with you lol.
This is literally the first thread I've read where the men have attacked the spouse that's actually maintained their weight lol. Typically the fat wife is told to either shape up, or expect to get shipped out. But I suppose women aren't allowed to be turned off by their jiggly husbands, or their full bosom lol. 

I have never read a post where a man said "she takes care of the kids, who care if she has to lift her stomach to see her vagina" or "so what if her breasts blend end with the rest of her rolls, she pays bills". But this woman is being told that she has no right not to want to suck her husbands large breasts, or have sex under his big, sweaty stomach, because he works and pays bills.

Absolute insanity.



FrenchFry said:


> I'm dying here! :rofl:
> 
> Sorry OP, I won't derail too hard but uh...
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

aribabe said:


> FrenchFry,
> 
> Of course I totally agree with you lol.
> This is literally the first thread I've read where the men have attacked the spouse that's actually maintained their weight lol. Typically the fat wife is told to either shape up, or expect to get shipped out. But I suppose women aren't allowed to be turned off by their jiggly husbands, or their full bosom lol.
> ...


Omg, you almost killed me while I was eating my dinner. LMAO!


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Lol
Sorry



ScaredandUnsure said:


> Omg, you almost killed me while I was eating my dinner. LMAO!


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Nobody is saying she shouldn't be turned off by her husband's fat. I don't think you really understand the men's objection on this thread. Go back and look at the entitled ungrateful tone of the original post. It's about taking and then using his appearance to justify not giving.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

aribabe said:


> FrenchFry,
> I have never read a post where a man said "she takes care of the kids, who care if she has to lift her stomach to see her vagina" or "so what if her breasts blend end with the rest of her rolls, she pays bills".


Is this satire? There's lots of threads where the man says he loves his wife despite her weight. Would you like links? Maybe I've noticed them more because I'm one of the men who has said it.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Ocotillo,

Its certainly not satire. The husband's that post may say they love the their wife despite their fat, however the male responders never ok the fat wife's fat because she works, takes care of kids etc. And they certainly don't attack him for not being turned on by all her blubber.



ocotillo said:


> Is this satire? There's lots of threads where the man says he loves his wife despite her weight. Would you like links?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Ocotillo,
> Its certainly not satire. The husband's that post may say they love the their wife despite their fat, however the male responders never ok the fat wife's wife because she works, takes care of kids etc. And they certainly don't attack him for not being turned on by all her blubber.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well again, I would disagree, because I'm one of the ones who has taken men to task for this. (Albeit gently)


----------



## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

About "thick girls" being slightly overweight with some fat, that varies... In the real underground hip hop scene where you might hear that phrase, they are much fatter than that... Think Pinky or Cubana Lust.

Especially consider BBW & BBB is a HUGE porn segment... How popular is the demand for overweight guys in romance movies? Hmmm...




French Fry said:


> And it's not like the fat dude with the hot wife is not common enough to have a TVtrope about it.


Thanks for this link... It makes my first post in this thread so much more important... Art imitates life sometimes, and in this very exposition on this popular motif/trope it says in your link:



> ... And on the inside she's a manipulative, materialistic, spiteful ***** who doesn't deserve her Henpecked Husband's kindness,* especially if he is just a Meal Ticket for her*


Sometimes this is the case in TV and in LIFE... 

Is this exactly the charge hurled at the OP? Her tone is the problem, which, loaded with phrases hinting at self-entitlement, has rubbed many people the wrong way... Of course there is absolutely nothing wrong with her wanting her husband to be in better shape. That's not unreasonable... People have already stated the issues.

But if you think it isn't more acceptable for women to be a bit overweight compared to women, please find me the plus size men modeling agency where the guys are not muscular and slightly fat instead. Post it if you find it.


----------



## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I've read her post multiple times and I don't see ungrateful, I see turned off and frustrated.

And I certainly don't see a disparity in taking or giving. She works in the home, he works out of it. I don't give a greater value to the money maker, and unless you do, I don't see how she is taking from him any more than he is taking from her.

She still sleeps with him despite his large breasts, gross mouth and big, sweating stomach, I see that as a lot of giving.



WorkingOnMe said:


> Nobody is saying she shouldn't be turned off by her husband's fat. I don't think you really understand the men's objection on this thread. Go back and look at the entitled ungrateful tone of the original post. It's about taking and then using his appearance to justify not giving.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Nobody is saying she shouldn't be turned off by her husband's fat. I don't think you really understand the men's objection on this thread. Go back and look at the entitled ungrateful tone of the original post. It's about taking and then using his appearance to justify not giving.


Correct again.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Ocotillo,

I can't link from my phone, but it wouldn't take you reading more than a couple of threads to "see" what I mean.



ocotillo said:


> Well again, I would disagree, because I'm one of the ones who has taken men to task for this. (Albeit gently)


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I don't think the OP was ungrateful in tone. And anyway, why should she be grateful? He worked outside the home, she worked at home. 

And there is a current thread in this section http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...-sex-but-doesnt-seem-care-about-own-body.html where the genders are reversed, and not one man that I can see responded with anything less than 'it's perfectly normal for you not to be attracted to your fat wife." Plenty of the women responders said the same thing, including me.

So get off your high horses.

I wouldn't be attracted to my husband if he had man boobs and bad teeth. I probably wouldn't be having sex with him. Has nothing to do with how much money he makes or how nice a guy he is.

Women can be visual too.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Well to be honest, I'm seeing a lot of projection.


DEBUNKED with the following evidence: My wife makes $5k more a year than I. We are both in the same field, but she has a year in it ahead of me, so it is impossible that I project the feeling of being used for money to accuse her. She jokes often that I use her for $ lol.

But seriously, I will say now that I read my original post, it's not exactly what I meant. It was pretty abrubt and while not containing projections it certainly sounds a bit rude (I'm not above being rude sometimes when reading something frustrating). Maybe I shouldn't have posted a smart-ass remark but instead posted a detailed and polite opinion. That I can certainly see.

Her approach though of making friends with hot guys in the gym ten years younger than her before her counselor tells her to stop is not beyond reproach, and AGAIN I will say that I don't think ANYBODY is telling her that her wanting her husband to be much thinner is unreasonable. Nobody is saying that IIRC some are just critical of her tone.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> Well to be honest, I'm seeing a lot of projection.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


She makes no mention about how he has supported her. She only talks about how she has supported him. She sounds like she doesn't want to recognize his contribution at all. It's all about what she has done and sacrificed for him.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Just as big as the call for bigger girls in romantic comedies. Jack Black, Kevin James and Seth Rogan all appeared as romantic protagonists in their movies. I can't think of a romantic comedy with an overweight female romantic lead. Maybe you can.
> 
> And of course there are niches where being overweight is celebrated. There is big guy gay porn out there as well. But a niche in porn or a hypersexualized and still idealized (Pinky has a big ass) BBM/W image still isn't "accepted" anymore than M cup boobs in a oiled top is in mainstream culture.


Wait... those are not romances... Those are, sometimes very slapstick, comedies or romantic comedies...

The big girls in porn to be viewed by men are BIG...To be appreciated visually... And it's NOT a niche... It's a big (no pun intended) porn segment!

Men watch porn, mostly, women watch romance movies/read romance novels, mostly... There is a clear acceptance of a variety of body images for men to watch in porn while for most women the guys "all look the same" in romance movies... Come on...

Pinky is DEFINITELY overweight, not the 'in-shape-thick' you mentioned before... A lot of guys like that though. A guy that many pounds overweight with zero muscle never having exercised will NOT be making sexy videos popular with women and become semi-famous like she has in any scene. Women most certainly can though.


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## Polyman (Jan 11, 2013)

Wow. Very similar to you and yours...my wife and I have been married for nearly 14 years and have 4 children, including my stepdaughter. I suggest a book that my wife has read and helped her understand the feeling she is going through. Its called "Living in Limbo". this book is pretty incredible I must admit. I agree that the sooner you understand what you are going through the better. The author talks about this phenomenon that you and many women go through at this stage. Even says men start acting more emotional (like women) and women like men (basically like wanting to screw many men), or at least being very attracted and not so much the H any more. , the H am going through this with my wife among other unresolved issues. May only be able to get the book from the authors website. GET THE BOOK!


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

aribabe said:


> You know what would really help her lack of feeling attracted to her fat husband? Him not being so fat. She doesn't have to want to suck on his man boobs when they're having sex, and whether or not she's flirting with men at the gym or not, she's never going to want to suck them. So a good start, would be for him to lose them. That would actually be a fantastic start
> 
> She should absolutely ignore the attacks, why in the world wouldn't she lol. *Anonymous fat men *telling her that she has no right to not be attracted to her fat husband, his bad teeth, or his big breasts? I'd certainly ignore it. Especially when there's a thread below this one somewhere, where it's the wife that is fat and many of the same fat men are saying that the husband has the right to be unattracted.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Got to love the uneducated posts. And theya re uneducated based on the fact you have no idea of what me, WorkingOnMe, Interlocuter or any other man in this thread look like. I could be 130 lbs and 7 ft. tall for all you know. Hurling insults with zero information to support them shows your weakness. At least when us 'fat men' were responding to the OP, we based it off of something she said, not deduced things as you did below.



aribabe said:


> Aww, honey
> 
> It's just that when I see a thread full of men with their panties in a bunch over a woman not enjoying her husband's big breasts, I can only assume they're so upset because they have big breasts as well. And their wives don't want to suck them, which I would imagine hurts you all's feelings.
> 
> ...


Great logic Sherlock. I have big boobs because I think the OP should be in love with her husbands big boobs.

Try some basic reading comprehension. If you read my first post in this thread I said that her husband should improve his image. She right to be upset about a lazy guy (fitness wise) with bad teeth, especially if he has some sort of health care plan which I suspect he may due to his job status. Nowhere in my posts have I said she should just want to mount him and ride him into next Tuesday, regardless of his body, image, teeth, or anything else.


I won't speak for other men posters in this thread, but I don't recall anyone else saying that either. Rather I see a lot of implying regarding male boob size and gut dimensions by you.



aribabe said:


> I don't see a rebellion here over a double standard,
> 
> I see a page full of "thick" (that's pc right ) men attacking a woman for not enjoying having sex with her fat husband. The attacks against her seem incredibly personal. And terribly long winded I must add.
> And many of these same men have advised men in other threads to divorce their fat wives. THAT is the double standard.
> ...


Ludicrious for you. I have never suggested anything close to that. 



aribabe said:


> But this woman is being told that she has no right not to want to suck her husbands large breasts, or have sex under his big, sweaty stomach, because he works and pays bills.
> 
> Absolute insanity.
> 
> ...


Find one poster that said she's not allowed to expect her husband to try and get himself into shape.


----------



## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Interracial porn is huge too, but I'd never call it mainstream. By mainstream I mean go on the front page of Youporn and what are you going to see. What are the main catalogs of the huge distributors. (No BBWs on the frontpage of Youporn right now btw. ) Pinky will always make less than Jameson.
> 
> 
> There is definitely a lack of big dudes in straight porn as well...but women definitely aren't the target audience of most porn. But again with the niches, there is a huge amount of big gay porn. Visual straight men just want to see variety in their women, not in their men I guess. (or don't care, lol) Men in general aren't the ones making big bucks in porn at all.
> ...


Pinky will make less money than Jameson, but she will make more taking off her clothes than Jack Black will taking off his! lol

We both know what we both mean, and this is the most interesting dinner conversation I've had in a while myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> Find one poster that said she's not allowed to expect her husband to try and get himself into shape.


*fanfare*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Kingsfan,

Your first post was 8 paragraphs long, only one of those "paragraphs" has anything to do with her husbands weight (despite the fact that her post was about his weight and her subsequent loss of attraction), and that particular paragraph was the shortest of all. It's very clear what your concern is, and it certainly is not the fact that she has to suck her husbands big breasts many nights.

I can only surmise that a man that is as vehemently unconcerned with that fact as you are, has personal expereince with being a large breasted man.

Of course, I could be wrong 


kingsfan said:


> Got to love the uneducated posts. And theya re uneducated based on the fact you have no idea of what me, WorkingOnMe, Interlocuter or any other man in this thread look like. I could be 130 lbs and 7 ft. tall for all you know. Hurling insults with zero information to support them shows your weakness. At least when us 'fat men' were responding to the OP, we based it off of something she said, not deduced things as you did below.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Viscountess aribabe, somehow you have managed to discover from kingsfan's posts, which are each about the absence of relation between the critical concerns levied on the OP and the idea that she should suckle on the supple teats of her spouse, something that cannot see for myself. While I glean nothing from his 8 paragraphs other than justifications all leading to the argument we have been unfairly making against the OP that she is not unreasonable in expecting her husband to be thinner but unreasonable in some of her approach, you have unearthed the meaning of his post, through sheer wit clearly, that 7 of his 8 paragraphs (which equal 7/8ths) are somehow NOT related at all to the OP's husband's weight. How I failed to see this does not shock me but springs to the front of my mind the recollection that your knack with language allows you abilities the common layperson might not feature, mi'lady... Brilliant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Translation? Anybody...




Interlocutor said:


> Viscountess aribabe, somehow you have managed to discover from kingsfan's posts, which are each about the absence of relation between the critical concerns levied on the OP and the idea that she should suckle on the supple teats of her spouse, something that cannot see for myself. While I glean nothing from his 8 paragraphs other than justifications all leading to the argument we have been unfairly making against the OP that she is not unreasonable in expecting her husband to be thinner but unreasonable in some of her approach, you have unearthed the meaning of his post, through sheer wit clearly, that 7 of his 8 paragraphs (which equal 7/8ths) are somehow NOT related at all to the OP's husband's weight. How I failed to see this does not shock me but springs to the front of my mind the recollection that your knack with language allows you abilities the common layperson might not feature, mi'lady... Brilliant.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> She needs shorter sentences Interlocutor. You'll need to get it down to grade level.


You can't fix stupid.

A fallacy being employed by the arrogant in this thread is that some men in some other threads say it is OK not to love your fat wife, so all men everywhere can be accused of hypocrisy and those men in this thread who love their wives no matter what shall be attacked as if they those other men.

You can't fix that kind of stupid either.

I was a champion athlete, continuing competitions long after college and into my 30's, was an athletic coach and in tremendous shape until over 50. Then I had a terrible accident. I have had three very complicated surguries. At least one more to go. I am on disability. I was on pain killers which made me too stupid so now I just live with the pain. I have gained 40 lbs.

My wife loves me just as much now as she did when we met. She's stunning to say the least and less than half my age. She has gained some weight too after having children and now that I am so sedentary, so is she. 

There's one thing I can't conscience in a woman - and that's stupid. Fat is way, way better than stupid. Arrogant comes right behind stupid. Fat is better than arrogant too.

In fact, I'd put blindness, deaf, dumb, and quadraplegic over stupid and arrogant. Who cares if you are slim.

Beauty is as beauty does and stupid is as stupid does. 

I had my wife read the OP. She said if you love your husband this shouldn't matter. But hey, english is only her third language and she didn't need any help understanding *Interlocutor*.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Translation? Anybody..._Posted via Mobile Device_


Lady aribabe, a thousand apologies again, but it appears that when speaking to a magisterial logician of your quality, my expression falls short of your epistemological criteria for data even in my sincere attempts to praise your superior detective skills, from your humble servant...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> But hey, english is only her third language and she didn't need any help understanding *Interlocutor*.


That is because I am a cretin, who, when daring to speak to someone of Empress aribabe's intellect, needs to be as sharp as possible lest I miss her feats of logic as pearls before swine.

Good points about marriage long-term and thank you for sharing your experience... Sounds like a great marriage you have. Cheers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Wiserforit,

I could certainly play the "better than" game with you, but i have a very strong feeling that it would end with your feelings hurt. So it's probably best that we not play. Agreed?



Wiserforit said:


> You can't fix stupid.
> 
> A fallacy being employed by the arrogant in this thread is that some men in some other threads say it is OK not to love your fat wife, so all men everywhere can be accused of hypocrisy and those men in this thread who love their wives no matter what shall be attacked as if they those other men.
> 
> ...


----------



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Kingsfan,
> 
> Your first post was 8 paragraphs long, only one of those "paragraphs" has anything to do with her husbands weight (despite the fact that her post was about his weight and her subsequent loss of attraction), and that particular paragraph was the shortest of all. It's very clear what your concern is, and it certainly is not the fact that she has to suck her husbands big breasts many nights.
> 
> ...


So because only one of my paragraphs focuses on that subject, you can deduce from that that I think her entire problem is that she should need to suckle her man's moobs like a starving calf?

Additionally, based on that same paragraph, you can deduce my approximate weight, height and as a byproduct there of, the size of my man bossom?

Your talents are wasted here Aribabe, as you would do the world a greater service studying the mysteries of space, solving where Jimmy Hoffa is buried or hunting down the shooter from the Grassy Knoll.

Perhaps though I could ask you to reconsider your nearly incomprehensible insight into what I truly mean with my own words, and consider the far-flung possibility that my eight paragraph retort to the OP had nothing to do with the volume of my man jugs and everything to do with a direct reply to what she had posted. There is this theory, and please bear with me here because it is rather ground-breaking, that it's typically wiser to reply to what is posted in a thread, rather than imply what we we have no direct reference to. Such as the manzzeire size of your typical male poster at TAM. 

Additionally, I'd ask you in your infinite wisdom to further contemplate the outside possiblity that my response was focused towards what the OP could do, rather than a clearly vain attempt to cover up the size of my man mountains. Seeing as only the OP can glean from our replies any possible benefit, giving that her husband is not a poster here from what we know, there is a chance the majority of ones reply to her own post would be what she should do, what she sounds and looks like and where she could improve. 

Once again though, I am humbled by your magnificent abilities to see right through my post and point out the size of my sweater meat, that my fun bags are enormous, and that my hooters have more volume than a one gallon milk container. You're impeccable vision has set me straight aribabe, and I apologize in adavance for having a bust size that makes you jealous, of which I will 'deduce' based on your focus on it. 

I shall now hit the gym with the force of a hurricane, lest I worry about confusing my fiancee in regards to which gender I am.

Oh, btw, just so I can be further humbled in your presence, could you please answer my question and find one poster that said she's not allowed to expect her husband to try and get himself into shape?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Hitting the gym would be a fantastic idea kingsfan

Not only would it help with the breast problem, it might do something about the anger as well lol 







Upper body is probably the way to go
:rofl:


kingsfan said:


> So because only one of my paragraphs focuses on that subject, you can deduce from that that I think her entire problem is that she should need to suckle her man's moobs like a starving calf?
> 
> Additionally, based on that same paragraph, you can deduce my approximate weight, height and as a byproduct there of, the size of my man bossom?
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Hitting the gym would be a fantastic idea kingsfan
> 
> Not only would it help with the breast problem, it might do something about the anger as well lol
> 
> ...


No anger at all. I refuse to get 'angry' over words on a message board. Anger only has a place if someone were to break into my house or something of that nature.

I guess though, given the size of my meat balloons, I could just do a round about swinging motion with my chest and knock the intruder silly. Thanks for notifying me that I now have a secret weapon I was not aware of.

Btw, I'd still like to know what poster said she has no right to ask her husband to get into shape. Or are we just going to play this silly tit-for-tat (yes, pun intended) game back and forth?


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Well I'm sure that fourmoreplease is absolutely thrilled with the direction this thread went. She comes here, bares her issues for all to see, and we give her garbage. I feel like I'm listening to my twelve year old daughter and her friends.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Goodness, thank you kingsfan, in your last post you were "speaking" like interlocutor, so I actually only read the last sentence lol. Your "normal" english is just a ton better, i'd stick with it. 

About your breasts... I don't actually know if you can fight with them, I've never fought anyone with mine. Though I suppose it couldn't hurt to try?

Her issues with her husbands weight were absolutely fobbed off as unimportant, and irrelevant. She was deemed a user, a cheater, that only cared about his "fat" wallet, it was even surmised that she planned this all out, to leave him now that her child was 18. If you can't use the context clues, or read between the lines to "see" that most of the men were calling his fatness, or his gross teeth unimportant, and her subsequent loss of attraction unfair, or invalid because he works... then I don't know how to respond. Of course I suppose I could call you an idiot (but I would absolutely never do that )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

kingsfan, as I, you now see the true, incomprehensible, and out of reach forces we are dealing with in the peerless logic of Baroness aribabe. To trade words is like the throwing of stones by peasants at the giant. While not worthy, we must count ourselves lucky to be in the periphery of her gaze as she smashes through facades and unravels myths. She came in as if chosen, bringing light to the darkness of advice that we mediocre posters and fledglings of logic and reasoning were delivering. We blank slates must heed well this wisdom to maybe catch a trickle of it, just maybe, though most of what she writes will surely make little sense to us, humble servants.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Goodness, thank you kingsfan, in your last post you were "speaking" like interlocutor, so I actually only read the last sentence lol. Your "normal" english is just a ton better, i'd stick with it.
> 
> About your breasts... I don't actually know if you can fight with them, I've never fought anyone with mine. Though I suppose it couldn't hurt to try?
> 
> ...


Yeah, lets forgo name calling. I wouldn't want to sink to that level. You (apparently) may have a different view however.

The OP should be ready to be called out. You may not like the fact that more focus wasn't paid to her husband, and I could reasonably agree with you that maybe more attention should have been paid to him, but the fact remains that much of what was said is either factual, or given as advice based on what she posted.

As I said, we can only advise based on what is written. She mentioned man boobs once, and even said she was ashamed it bothered her (though I agree she shouldn't be ashamsed by that fact), yet you took this thread on a four page blasting of male boosoms as a result, arguably to stand up for the OP. You don't have to agree with the advice given by the men posters in this thread, and that's fine, but why not try and reply solely to the OP next time with advice of your own rather than hammer on about the size of my (and other posters) man boobs? 

Btw, there's nothing wrong with Interlocuter's english. In fact, while it's not the more commonly spoken english, it is actually more proper. If you have difficulty comprehending it, perhaps a refresher course would be suitable to you. 

Additionally, since you seem capable of skimming over an entire post to simply "read the last sentence" I'll post this as my last sentence again. Hopefully this time you'll reward me with an answer. What poster said she has no right to ask her husband to get into shape?


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

But I didn't call you a name kingsfan,that wouldn't be nice. I said I COULD call you an idiot, but I didn't, and of course I wouldn't  I did comment on your full breasts though, that was also not nice, I'm sorry 

Me not calling you an idiot is the same as you "not" saying it was wrong for her not to want to suck her husbands large breast, or have sex underneath his stomach. You implied that I called you an idiot... and from your postings, I implied that you believe it is wrong for her to be attracted to men that have appealing bodies because she has a fat, gross husband at home that pays bills, therefore she has no right to expect him to lose weight. Maybe we were both wrong? 

About Interlocutors english, his postings outside of this thread are all written in "normal" english. I think he just wants to feel a little special. And he just doesn't know that I already think he's special 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

aribabe said:


> But I didn't call you a name kingsfan,that wouldn't be nice. I said I COULD call you an idiot, but I didn't, and of course I wouldn't  I did comment on your full breasts though, that was also not nice, I'm sorry
> 
> Me not calling you an idiot is the same as you "not" saying it was wrong for her not to want to suck her husbands large breast, or have sex underneath his stomach. You implied that I called you an idiot... and from your postings, I implied that you believe it is wrong for her to be attracted to men that have appealing bodies because she has a fat, gross husband at home that pays bills, therefore she has no right to expect him to lose weight. Maybe we were both wrong?
> 
> ...


Of course you didn't call me an idiot. I mean, that's mplan as day to see you dance around the name calling without actually doing it. Kudos to you for your immense tact and grace in getting your point across without resorting to the childish and immature tactic of name calling. You are worthy of a pedestal.

I however will respectfully decline any consideration that what I wrote was wrong, or that I was in fact suggesting she should enjoy sucking her husbands man boobs. My words speak for themselves, and I'll let yours do the same.

As I am sure the OP is long gone from here, I will now respectfully submit the floor to you to have the last word you are so desperately seeking. I am done now with this thread as it has ran its course, as unfortunate as that may be.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Kingsfan, I hope you have a wonderful day darling
I enjoyed our chat 



kingsfan said:


> Of course you didn't call me an idiot. I mean, that's mplan as day to see you dance around the name calling without actually doing it. Kudos to you for your immense tact and grace in getting your point across without resorting to the childish and immature tactic of name calling. You are worthy of a pedestal.
> 
> I however will respectfully decline any consideration that what I wrote was wrong, or that I was in fact suggesting she should enjoy sucking her husbands man boobs. My words speak for themselves, and I'll let yours do the same.
> 
> As I am sure the OP is long gone from here, I will now respectfully submit the floor to you to have the last word you are so desperately seeking. I am done now with this thread as it has ran its course, as unfortunate as that may be.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrHappyHat (Oct 24, 2012)

Interlocutor said:


> Viscountess aribabe, somehow you have managed to discover from kingsfan's posts, which are each about the absence of relation between the critical concerns levied on the OP and the idea that she should suckle on the supple teats of her spouse, something that cannot see for myself. While I glean nothing from his 8 paragraphs other than justifications all leading to the argument we have been unfairly making against the OP that she is not unreasonable in expecting her husband to be thinner but unreasonable in some of her approach, you have unearthed the meaning of his post, through sheer wit clearly, that 7 of his 8 paragraphs (which equal 7/8ths) are somehow NOT related at all to the OP's husband's weight. How I failed to see this does not shock me but springs to the front of my mind the recollection that your knack with language allows you abilities the common layperson might not feature, mi'lady... Brilliant.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


May I suggest Tycho from Penny Arcade for your avatar?


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

Women who are sahm's get beat up on this board for not being attracted to their husbands regardless of their circumstance, short of abuse. Why is raising kids and housework looked down on so much? It is as valuable as a paycheck.

Tell you what, go hire someone to do the work that your wives do for free and see how much that adds up. Find one person to do the nanny services, housekeeping and cooking, see how much that'll cost per hour.

The OP came on the board with her problem and got attacked for no reason. And mind you she still has sex with her hubby. Being accused of waiting for her son to turn 18 then leave is a low blow. Maybe if they did not move so much she would have been able to find a job, they both agreed that she stay home. Nobody thought of that because the wifey is always the bad person in the relationship...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

See what I find funny about this thread and the other one, with the guy who has an overweight wife, is the fact that she was told to go as far as to purchase gym equipment for her home, to avoid an affair (because women must avoid any man at all, because we drop our panties at any idiot who utters sweet words of BS in our direction) and the man in the other thread was told to introduce his wife to some of the attractive women who work out at the gym. Maybe the OP in this thread should introduce her husband to some of the attractive, in shape men at her gym?

Just something that amused me.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

techmom said:


> Women who are sahm's get beat up on this board for not being attracted to their husbands regardless of their circumstance, short of abuse. Why is raising kids and housework looked down on so much? It is as valuable as a paycheck.
> 
> Tell you what, go hire someone to do the work that your wives do for free and see how much that adds up. Find one person to do the nanny services, housekeeping and cooking, see how much that'll cost per hour.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I planned to only lurk in this thread from now on, but this pulled me back in, at least momentarily.

It wasn't long after my divorce that I started dating my now fiancee, however I lived alone as a single parent to my three boys for a year and a half. So I went to work, came home, did all the cooking, cleaning, etc. after three children, the oldest of which was 7, youngest was 1 /12. So yes, that included diapers, some midnight wake ups, potty training, etc. All around a full-time job with overtime. Was it hard? Sure it was. Still is, even though my kids are older now and can for the most part take somwhat care of themselves, minus my youngest who is still only five and does need help.

I also was the primary parent during my marriage to my ex-wife as she worked out of town except on weekends and she would barely even see the kids five days a week (except for summers which she had off), and I am still now the primary parent (though i get help from my fiancee). 

So I have seen it from both sides of the coin. I have had to juggle both jobs. Is it tough? You bet. But I'm under no misconception that being a SAHM is some superhuman feat either, or that the work couldn't get done without a SAHM or a nanny either. 

You plan ahead and are smart with your time, you can do it. Frankly, I'd rather be a SAHD than go to work everyday. Of the two 'jobs' going to work everyday was much more difficult than doing the parental duties.

And no, it is not as valuable as a paycheck. If it was, more people would be stay at home parents. There is a reason we have daycarees, nannies and the rest. it's because a paycheck pays for everything, including those children and home the stay at home aprent is left to maintain.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> See what I find funny about this thread and the other one, with the guy who has an overweight wife, is the fact that she was told to go as far as to purchase gym equipment for her home, to avoid an affair (because women must avoid any man at all, because we drop our panties at any idiot who utters sweet words of BS in our direction) and the man in the other thread was told to introduce his wife to some of the attractive women who work out at the gym. Maybe the OP in this thread should introduce her husband to some of the attractive, in shape men at her gym?
> 
> Just something that amused me.


I went back out of curiosity and read the other thread and it was painful to read too.

To be fair though, there were some differences. The gentleman in the other thread didn't use phrases like, "makes me sick" to describe sex with his wife and he didn't say that she was "wrapped around his finger" in all other respects of the relationship.

I don't think female participants on TAM are going to understand just how badly those two phrases come off to a male reader when taken together and I don't think I'm a good enough communicator to explain it if the connotation of being used and played for an absolute fool doesn't come through. Maybe men are being oversensitive here and maybe women don't mean those things as bad as they sound. I don't know...

If the gentleman on the other thread mentioned oogling attractive women in a gym and making unfavorable comparisons with his wife, I missed that too. He actually said he worked out at home. He also bared his soul about hormonal problems on his end, which are obviously a fair part of the problem. 

Not all responses to him were sympathetic. He got whacked pretty good by a couple of ladies and he pretty much took it unflinchingly as near as I can tell.

Lastly, despite those differences, he was the first respondent on this thread and he didn't scold the OP for her attitude, which contrasts with some of the comments that followed.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

ocotillo said:


> I went back out of curiosity and read the other thread and it was painful to read too.
> 
> To be fair though, there were some differences. The gentleman in the other thread didn't use phrases like, "makes me sick" to describe sex with his wife and he didn't say that she was "wrapped around his finger" in all other respects of the relationship.
> 
> ...


I'm not defending or chastising anyone, I just noticed that there is sometimes differences in if the man or woman is overweight. I did notice that the man in that thread was a bit more kind talking about his wife. I think the OP here should tell her husband straight out what the deal is, be kind but let him know it does bother her that he has gained weight and his teeth are gross. She doesn't need to hit him over the head, and I do think she needs to not flirt with other men. I don't however, think she should lock herself in the house and avoid nearly half the human population because people call her a cheater or think she's an awful person because she does look at attractive men.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

OP only posted on page 1 of 7 pages.


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## firedog1 (Sep 17, 2012)

fourmoreplease said:


> Yes, us moving has moved him up the corporate ladder substantially. I would say that i am aging more gracefully and do not look my age, but he does...i do like the attention, you are right. But, no, I'm not having affair. I did tell my councilor and she said I shouldn't talk to those guys. I did cut one out and am still friend with the other (he is 10 yrs younger and doesn't see me like that; more like a sister) . Mostly it's just comments and looks from the guys at the gym.
> I do know that I'm not all that and I'm lucky to have such a caring man but sometime I feel like our roles are reversed and I'm the man and he's the wife (he likes to share feelings & talk. me... Not so much) which doesn't help the "wanting to have sex with him" problem.
> You are probably right, him having that build would help.. I'm so shallow!


 My wife is 56 and she fell for a 25 year old. She was NOT a cheater either, RIGHT. Just needed a chance. Treats you like a sister? He is probably into INCEST too! Give me a break!


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## firedog1 (Sep 17, 2012)

aribabe said:


> You know what would really help her lack of feeling attracted to her fat husband? Him not being so fat. She doesn't have to want to suck on his man boobs when they're having sex, and whether or not she's flirting with men at the gym or not, she's never going to want to suck them. So a good start, would be for him to lose them. That would actually be a fantastic start
> 
> She should absolutely ignore the attacks, why in the world wouldn't she lol. Anonymous fat men telling her that she has no right to not be attracted to her fat husband, his bad teeth, or his big breasts? I'd certainly ignore it. Especially when there's a thread below this one somewhere, where it's the wife that is fat and many of the same fat men are saying that the husband has the right to be unattracted.
> 
> ...


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

techmom said:


> Women who are sahm's get beat up on this board for not being attracted to their husbands regardless of their circumstance, short of abuse. Why is raising kids and housework looked down on so much? It is as valuable as a paycheck.
> 
> Tell you what, go hire someone to do the work that your wives do for free and see how much that adds up. Find one person to do the nanny services, housekeeping and cooking, see how much that'll cost per hour.
> 
> ...


Thanks, you hit the nail on the head!! Ido feel like I was attacked... BTW... That is one of the stupidest things I've heard from one of the posters; that I want to leave as my son turns 18...actually, my husband adopted him SO legally, he is NO DIFFERENT than any other of my children!! That's just dumb!! 
I've actually tried to look for jobs but my H complained of the hours and that it took time away from him and the kids... Do you know how hard it is to find a job that is between the hours of 9-2 that has weekends, holidays & summers off?????


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

chapparal said:


> OP only posted on page 1 of 7 pages.


Because the topic seemed to get a little off topic....


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> I'm not defending or chastising anyone, I just noticed that there is sometimes differences in if the man or woman is overweight. I did notice that the man in that thread was a bit more kind talking about his wife. I think the OP here should tell her husband straight out what the deal is, be kind but let him know it does bother her that he has gained weight and his teeth are gross. She doesn't need to hit him over the head, and I do think she needs to not flirt with other men. I don't however, think she should lock herself in the house and avoid nearly half the human population because people call her a cheater or think she's an awful person because she does look at attractive men.


I've actually been trying to be more positive towards him lately. We Skype and he flexed to show me his triceps that he just noticed... I really didn't see anything, but told him enthusiastically that I did... My OP was that I wanted to fall back in love with him...


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> See what I find funny about this thread and the other one, with the guy who has an overweight wife, is the fact that she was told to go as far as to purchase gym equipment for her home, to avoid an affair (because women must avoid any man at all, because we drop our panties at any idiot who utters sweet words of BS in our direction) and the man in the other thread was told to introduce his wife to some of the attractive women who work out at the gym. Maybe the OP in this thread should introduce her husband to some of the attractive, in shape men at her gym?
> 
> Just something that amused me.



I do find it funny. I actually havE a gym at home... 
And as ludicrous as it sounds, I don't have sex with men who hit on me... It has happened a lot over the past 15 yrs and I've always seemed to contain myself... When I said I wouldn't cheat, I meant it. I've had the opportunity, I've always declined...


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

Polyman said:


> Wow. Very similar to you and yours...my wife and I have been married for nearly 14 years and have 4 children, including my stepdaughter. I suggest a book that my wife has read and helped her understand the feeling she is going through. Its called "Living in Limbo". this book is pretty incredible I must admit. I agree that the sooner you understand what you are going through the better. The author talks about this phenomenon that you and many women go through at this stage. Even says men start acting more emotional (like women) and women like men (basically like wanting to screw many men), or at least being very attracted and not so much the H any more. , the H am going through this with my wife among other unresolved issues. May only be able to get the book from the authors website. GET THE BOOK!


Is that kind of like a mid life crisis?? My H says he thinks I'm going through one. I'm going to get the book.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Marriages are typically destoyed by unfaithfulness. However, please do not equate unfaithfulness with simply cheating. Marriages are destroyed well before that time. 

But indeed during that process of destruction there is a spiraling rationalization that occurs. History rewriting.

You should have travelled with your husband. I get that you do not like moving, but give me a break, your husband has supported you in a good manner that has allowed you to stay home and not have to work to be with your children. Now you see an opportunity to trade up.

If your marriage was #1 for you would have gone with him. Instead you are cake eating at the least.

You feel attacked, but this is tough love. This is talk about marriage. You have a husband who loves you. You love him. You have lost your attraction to him for several reasons. I think though that you are addicted to the attention from other men. This addiction is a major contributor to losing your desire for your hubby.

1) You perceive his sex rank to have fallen. He is overweight and you do not like his teeth. Fair enough he can work on that.

2) You feel your sex rank has gone up and are getting attention from other men. You may or may not be bonding with other men. I am talking about friends with other men. 

3) You feel you have him wrapped around your finger. Now I do not know why you stated this even if it is true because it comes off a tad like taunting the good folks on TAM. But that said IF you really feel this then you need to listen to what people are saying about it. You come off as ungrateful. Spoiled. Entitled. Just being honest as you are being honest. You feel empowered to cake eat. So your attraction for him tales an even bigger hit.


If your husband was posting, we would tell him ways in which he could improve himself and / or prepare to move on from you. But for sure I would have told him not to move without you. That IF you refused to move that this was tantamount to wanting a divorce. 

Again you should have followed him. I look at this as being unfaithful. You do not want to leave your current situation because of other men. This may not be the whole deal but the bottomline is that you have allowed yourself to fall out of love with your husband as much as he has let himself become less attractive to you. Ultimately this is a bout brain chemicals and one can decide to fall back in love with ones spouse. I feel in your case both your husband and you need to make this happen. It takes two.

I guess the kids are getting ready to leave the nest and you wish to tradeup in some way. 

BTW I would probably be a lot harder on a husband who posted something like this. Only because I have a man's perspective and expect more.

I do wish you luck. I think too many people blame their actions on an MLC. It helps them to forgive themselves when they get a tad too selfish.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

fourmoreplease said:


> I do find it funny. I actually havE a gym at home...
> And as ludicrous as it sounds, I don't have sex with men who hit on me... It has happened a lot over the past 15 yrs and I've always seemed to contain myself... When I said I wouldn't cheat, I meant it. I've had the opportunity, I've always declined...


Again it is not about cheating. Your marriages is being eroded by this struggle for you to contain yourself. A very slippery slope. You have really put yourself at risk by being separate from your husband.
I wish I could smack him in the head for not insisting you go.


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## rabbit75 (Jan 7, 2013)

Entropy3000 said:


> Again you should have followed him. I look at this as being unfaithful. You do not want to leave your current situation because of other men.


What about their kids? Constantly uprooting kids is hard on them. If he's only moved away for say, a year, and he's coming home for one weekend each month, then while it's not an ideal situation, it might be better than moving kids to a new school for a year (or less), especially in the middle of two different school years.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

rabbit75 said:


> What about their kids? Constantly uprooting kids is hard on them. If he's only moved away for say, a year, and he's coming home for one weekend each month, then while it's not an ideal situation, it might be better than moving kids to a new school for a year (or less), especially in the middle of two different school years.


Rationalization. The best thing kids can have is an example of loving parents who are partners. Their fundamental needs are obviously met. The children seeing their parents as dedicated to one another is very powerful. And how about them having both a father and a mother. 

No indeed, they are truly separated. She has lost her attraction to her husband and is getting her needs met for at least attention by other men. This is in self destruct mode. 

This is the man she married. They agreed for him to be the provider and he is doing that. The marriage itself needs to be the #1 priority. It is the foundation for the children. Kids move all the time. Parents separating like this are killing the marriage.

Why should the husband / father just work and support the family without a wife and without his children?


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## rabbit75 (Jan 7, 2013)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> See what I find funny about this thread and the other one, with the guy who has an overweight wife, is the fact that she was told to go as far as to purchase gym equipment for her home, to avoid an affair (because women must avoid any man at all, because we drop our panties at any idiot who utters sweet words of BS in our direction) and the man in the other thread was told to introduce his wife to some of the attractive women who work out at the gym. Maybe the OP in this thread should introduce her husband to some of the attractive, in shape men at her gym?


I'm the OP for the other thread and also the one who suggested that fourmoreplease get gym equipment for their home, mostly so that *her husband* could work out at home. But the OP has also said she wants to recover her attraction for her husband, and not hanging out with the hottest men in her town (who are likely found in the gym) seems like a pretty sensible way to stop her mind from dwelling on greener pastures that only make her own look worse and worse. That's one reason I work out at home (the main reason being that it just saves a ton of time).

Getting back on topic...

OP, do you have equipment that's adequate for a man? E.g., a power cage, a 45lb barbell, a few hundred pounds in plates? The quickest way for your husband to transform his body is with heavy squats, deadlifts and bench presses. Have a look at the testimonials on this site: StrongLifts: Gain Muscle And Strength While Losing Fat StrongLifts . I'm not going to upload photos (and I'm not connected to the website in any way), but I can vouch that it's the real deal.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

rabbit75 said:


> I'm the OP for the other thread and also the one who suggested that fourmoreplease get gym equipment for their home, mostly so that *her husband* could work out at home. But the OP has also said she wants to recover her attraction for her husband, and not hanging out with the hottest men in her town (who are likely found in the gym) seems like a pretty sensible way to stop her mind from dwelling on greener pastures that only make her own look worse and worse. That's one reason I work out at home (the main reason being that it just saves a ton of time).
> 
> Getting back on topic...
> 
> OP, do you have equipment that's adequate for a man? E.g., a power cage, a 45lb barbell, a few hundred pounds in plates? The quickest way for your husband to transform his body is with heavy squats, deadlifts and bench presses. Have a look at the testimonials on this site: StrongLifts: Gain Muscle And Strength While Losing Fat StrongLifts . I'm not going to upload photos, but I can vouch that it's the real deal.


I do agree that if she is tempted at the GYM she could do this. I think she stated she had an at home GYM. This does assume that the attention is only coming from the GYM though. I do not think we know this for sure.

If he had been doing this type of exercise he probably would be more attractive, more confident AND more assertive because his T level would be up.

Another alternative to all of this is for him to get a job that does not involve this type of travel. She could get a job. Part of her issue is likely boredom.


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## rabbit75 (Jan 7, 2013)

Entropy3000 said:


> Rationalization. The best thing kids can have is an example of loving parents who are partners. Their fundamental needs are obviously met. The children seeing their parents as dedicated to one another is very powerful. And how about them having both a father and a mother.
> 
> No indeed, they are truly separated. She has lost her attraction to her husband and is getting her needs met for at least attention by other men. This is in self destruct mode.
> 
> ...


If it's really a temporary situation, and her husband is coming home for one weekend each month, the kids are hardly "fatherless". There are plenty of fathers whose occupations require them to be away from home for periods a lot longer than a month (e.g., oil rig workers, miners, soldiers etc). That's the way it's been for much of humanity for nearly all of its history (until the invention of the airplane).

Has the OP asked the kids whether they would prefer to temporarily all move to where their dad is or stay where they are and wait for a more permanent move? It sounds like some of them are old enough to know what they need more.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

I don't know if I have ever known or heard of someone so full of themselves.


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

The kids would rather not move. But we don't know for how long he will be there. His contract is for 2 years. So it's for at least 2 yrs, maybe longer. 
I'm also not wanting staying for "other men" either. I have friends and a life here that I've never had anywhere else. Our extended family is close, we bought a house. This was suppose to be the last move. We put down roots (kids included). It's very hard to want to leave. 
My H has friends that he keep in contact with that he's been friends since HS. Those are his friends. Every move i kinda make new friends. But he had his "friends" already so why make more...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

rabbit75 said:


> If it's really a temporary situation, and her husband is coming home for one weekend each month, the kids are hardly "fatherless". There are plenty of fathers whose occupations require them to be away from home for periods a lot longer than a month (e.g., oil rig workers, miners, soldiers etc). That's the way it's been for much of humanity for nearly all of its history (until the invention of the airplane).
> 
> Has the OP asked the kids whether they would prefer to temporarily all move to where their dad is or stay where they are and wait for a more permanent move? It sounds like some of them are old enough to know what they need more.


She is no longer in love with him. There is a major marriage problem. Asking the children? Maybe they could take a vote!? Asking the children just puts the children at odds with one parent or the other. It is another step of separating the family.

No this is a major problem IMO. The marriage is under siege. He would be better off to change jobs and for her to work. What good is having this money under these circumstances?

Right now their marriage is a temporary situation if this continues going the direction it is going. I know about marital separations for work purposes.

Once jobs, friends and houses become more important than the marriage it is a tough go. When a couple no longer has the desire to be with one another there is a big weakness. If a couple are best freinds they will not allow life to get in their way.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Fourmoreplease, how much of this have you discussed with your husband?

What is the health like on his side of the family... any known issues (heart, diabetes, etc)?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Sorry if this has already been suggested. Go here The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011: Athol Kay: 9781460981733: Amazon.com: Books

Buy this book and send it to him. BTW it is not a sex manual. It would be better if you did not read it. Make sure your sons read when they get old enough.

Put a note in it and tell him to get his teeth fixed while he is gone. If he wants to debate that, let him know you can't kiss him until he fixes them. If he still wants to argue tell him to look it up on the internet.

Buy the book His Needs Her Needs, read it and send it to him. Same with the Five Love Languages. You and him can both do the Five Love Languages quiz on line so its something you can do together even at long distance.

Let him know there is trouble in your marriage. It is not fair or wise to let him go on thinking one thing while you prepare to break up the marriage without giving him a chance. Communication between a man and woman is hard. We don't understand each other. You say one thing, he hears another and vice versa. Like my 101 english teacher demonstrated, it is the speakers responsibility to be understood. 

I hope you are not like my wife who thinks men can read her mind. LOL


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Tooth problems, gingivitis, causes heart problems. Colgate Total toothpaste and flossing can control this. If I am not mistaken Total is the only tooth care product that has an antibody for gingivitis that causes bleeding gums and bad (terrible) breath.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

rabbit75 said:


> If it's really a temporary situation, and her husband is coming home for one weekend each month, the kids are hardly "fatherless". There are plenty of fathers whose occupations require them to be away from home for periods a lot longer than a month (e.g., oil rig workers, miners, soldiers etc). That's the way it's been for much of humanity for nearly all of its history (until the invention of the airplane).
> 
> Has the OP asked the kids whether they would prefer to temporarily all move to where their dad is or stay where they are and wait for a more permanent move? It sounds like some of them are old enough to know what they need more.


Look at the CWI section. Long distance relationships, work travel, GNO,s are killers to marriage.


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> I'm not so sure. Men are portrayed in popular culture as shallow creatures who only care about a woman's physical appearance and being unhappy with an overweight wife is perceived as a sign of immaturity and ingratitude.
> 
> There are Facebook groups, for example that champion a woman's right to be plus size and the comments about men who think otherwise are pretty vulgar.
> 
> I think you're just seeing a rebellion over a perceived double standard.


Spot on.... and men, non-minorities or non 'protected classes' grow sick of the hypocrisy of it all.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

fourmoreplease said:


> The kids would rather not move. But we don't know for how long he will be there. His contract is for 2 years. So it's for at least 2 yrs, maybe longer.
> I'm also not wanting staying for "other men" either. I have friends and a life here that I've never had anywhere else. Our extended family is close, we bought a house. This was suppose to be the last move. We put down roots (kids included). It's very hard to want to leave.
> My H has friends that he keep in contact with that he's been friends since HS. Those are his friends. Every move i kinda make new friends. But he had his "friends" already so why make more...


So he can maintain a friendship despite a long distance between him and his friends, but you can't? What's stopping you from maintaining the friendships you make? Sounds like a weak excuse to me...



fourmoreplease said:


> Thanks, you hit the nail on the head!! Ido feel like I was attacked... BTW... That is one of the stupidest things I've heard from one of the posters; that I want to leave as my son turns 18...actually, my husband adopted him SO legally, he is NO DIFFERENT than any other of my children!! That's just dumb!!
> I've actually tried to look for jobs but my H complained of the hours and that it took time away from him and the kids... Do you know how hard it is to find a job that is between the hours of 9-2 that has weekends, holidays & summers off?????


No, it's not dumb. As the one who stated that, I'll reiterate it again. Maybe that has nothing to do with it, and if so, good for you. That said, the fact that there is one less child to support, a child which at the end of the day is biologically yours and not his, makes it all the more easy to seperate. 

Btw, why do you need a job that is only 9-2 with weekends, holidays and summers off? If you do need that, I suggest getting a teaching degree and being a high school history teacher.


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> So he can maintain a friendship despite a long distance between him and his friends, but you can't? What's stopping you from maintaining the friendships you make? Sounds like a weak excuse to me...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Why? Because men have responsibilities, women have choices. 

And even if you provide her with a comfortable lifestyle, low-stress and financial security, there's no guarantee your wife will appreciate it and may still choose to cheat.


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

Well, if you read my posts it says that I still love my husband. He is my best friend, but I'm just not attracted to him sexually. I was at one time, but not anymore... I WANT to feel that lovin feeling toward him again and don't know how! That is why I posted! To get advice, not to get bashed!


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

fourmoreplease said:


> Well, if you read my posts it says that I still love my husband. He is my best friend, but I'm just not attracted to him sexually. I was at one time, but not anymore... I WANT to feel that lovin feeling toward him again and don't know how! That is why I posted! To get advice, not to get bashed!


I don't know what you expect to accomplish in terms of falling in love with your husband when you see him for apparently two days a month. Could you fall in love with another man seeing him just two days a month? I think the biggest error was not moving there with him. I get it that you'd have to relocate, give up friends, etc. and that does completely suck 100%, but there's a reason not many marriages do well under what is the equivalent of a seperation.

Think of it this way; if you see your husband one weekend a month, you will be seeing him for about 48 days out of 730 in the next two years. Would you expect ANYONE to fall in love under that sort of a situation?

Regardless of what transpired for him to be out there, the fact is he is out there for two years, maybe more as you said. Unless he's in a position where he can leave and come back (which I assume he can't since he's under contract if I recall correctly) then your lone option is to move there to be with him. If you don't want to do that, that's understandable, but considering you admit to yourself you currently don't even love him, failure to be with him for a minimum of two years will likely equate to the death blow for your marriage.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Understanding the question of how, I don't think it can come from you. He has to make the changes. All you can do is create an environment that supports those changes. Which means being together IMHO. Being separated will foster detachment, not improvement.


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

Kingsfan- 
I have tried to maintain my friendships and some stay strong, but most don't. It's hard to want to get to know someone when you know you will be leaving. I don't think it's a weak excuse at all.
Still a DUMB thought... Wouldn't you think I would want more kids for child support if I was thinking of leaving him? Him not being my H bio child had no factor what so ever on separating. I don't get or ever will get that... Just ridiculous!!
Also, I need a job from 9-2 cuz my H said he likes me to be available for him and the kids! I just don't set around earring bonbons all day! I'm up at 5am and then am running around all day! Kids activities after school and while they are at school I get a workout in and run errands and do all the things a wife does (clean, laundry, etc...) and when H is in town, he wants me to be at home w him, not working. (I've done it, he doesn't like it) 
I would of LOVED to go back to school, but we move too much! I've attended 7 universities to try to get a degree but transferring all those credit is a pain and some schools take them and some don't. It's like starting all over again each move.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

Cubby said:


> If there's anyone who should read Athol Kay's MMSL, it's your husband. He sounds about as clueless as I used to be about this stuff. Also, direct him to the Chateau Heartiste blog. It's eye-opening.
> 
> I'm not going to bash you, fourmoreplease; at least you're honest about revealing your thoughts honestly and coming here for advice. Soak up what Machiavelli is saying. Now you know the reason for all that attraction to the guys at the gym. Hopefully you'll put in solid boundaries and never cross that line.
> 
> I'd suggest you and husband go to the gym and work out together. That's what my wife and I do. Keeps the predators away.


Exactly. Sounds like his body is lowering his Sex Rank.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

fourmoreplease said:


> Well, if you read my posts it says that I still love my husband. He is my best friend, but I'm just not attracted to him sexually. I was at one time, but not anymore... I WANT to feel that lovin feeling toward him again and don't know how! That is why I posted! To get advice, not to get bashed!


You are not being bashed. You are getting advice.

You will not fall back in love with your husband while separated in this way. When you have that in love feeling you will move heaven and earth to be by his side.

It is said that having quality one on one time together during each week is essential. I have seen fifteen hours as a suggestion, but that is fairly arbitrary as most numbers are.

Try reading His Needs Her Needs. This is best done as a couple but if he is remote get two copies. 

This is a start. Then yes I would tell him to read Married Man Sex Life as well.

Basically being separated is almost going NC. One goes through withdrawal from their partner. Then without intending to do so one gets their needs met elsewhere. Innocently at first.

Many military wives feel abandoned by their husbands when deployed. You have a similar situation really. The difference is that you could possibly travel to where he is at. But you have the same challenges ... oh maybe sans the financial.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

fourmoreplease said:


> Kingsfan-
> I have tried to maintain my friendships and some stay strong, but most don't. It's hard to want to get to know someone when you know you will be leaving. I don't think it's a weak excuse at all.


But it's not hard for him apparently. 

I've moved around a fair bit (maybe not as much as you, but still a fair bit) and I've maintained some of my friendships from places I only lived in for a year and have zero hope of ever going back. It's a choice to not maintain friendship after you move. I mean, how hard is it to pick up a phone or hope on Facebook and send a message once a week?



fourmoreplease said:


> Still a DUMB thought... Wouldn't you think I would want more kids for child support if I was thinking of leaving him? Him not being my H bio child had no factor what so ever on separating. I don't get or ever will get that... Just ridiculous!!


I'm glad if it has no bearing. Remember, we are looking at this from the outside, not from your years of experience so we are going to judge based on what you write.

That said, I'm thinking of the bio child more in terms of him not needing to fulfill that 'father figure' role anymore. He will always be a father figure to his own children, but it's harder to foster that father figure role for a step-child. I should know, I have two step-children of my own. Even after five years of being in their life, I know if me and my fiancee were to seperate tomorrow, it'd be hard to maintain a relationship with them as a result. A lot of contact goes through their mother, just like I'm sure a lot goes through you.



fourmoreplease said:


> Also, I need a job from 9-2 cuz my H said he likes me to be available for him and the kids!


But your husband is only around for 2 days a month, so just book those two days a month off...



fourmoreplease said:


> I just don't set around earring bonbons all day!


Who said you were?



fourmoreplease said:


> I'm up at 5am and then am running around all day! Kids activities after school and while they are at school I get a workout in and run errands and do all the things a wife does (clean, laundry, etc...) and when H is in town, he wants me to be at home w him, not working. (I've done it, he doesn't like it)


This is all an excuse. Your kids are in school, so if you don't like being up at 5 am, take a nap when they are in school. A workout and errands should not take seven hours a day, which is roughly how long kids are in school, everyday. Neither should cleaning, laundry, etc. If it does, tell your kids, who are plenty old enough now, to start cleaning up after themselves and lay down some ground rules to enforce it. You aren't a maid.

As I said earlier in this thread, after I divorced from my ex-wife, I lived alone with my three boys for a year and a half. They were 1 1/2, 4 and 7 years old. I worked a full-time job, and did the parenting as well, and that included working overtime and irregular hours, and having to deal with diapers, middle-of-the-night wake-ups, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and everything else that comes with three young children. It does NOT take every waking hour of your day to take care of children, especially children as old as yours who are more than capable of taking care of themselves around the house. If it does take all of your time, you need to set those kids straight or stop doing everything for them.

Really, your day boils down to waking up at 5am (for what reason btw?), getting kids to school and then doing errands and getting in a workout. Please clarrify how that is stressful? Am I missing something? What are these errands?



fourmoreplease said:


> I would of LOVED to go back to school, but we move too much! I've attended 7 universities to try to get a degree but transferring all those credit is a pain and some schools take them and some don't. It's like starting all over again each move.


And how far away are you from this degree?


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## Sunshine1234 (Aug 20, 2012)

It is really scary how I could have written this post. I wanted to many times but did not have the courage. I knew slamming would occur so good for you for doing it anyway.

Been married for 15 yrs, all four of our kids now in grade school and I feel like I'm coming back to life. I'm a size zero (down from a 4), with a 32D bra, blonde and pretty face. The guys at the gym are relentless. Yah, attention everywhere I go and it is SO addicting. That previous poster really knew what he was talking about. 

I know exactly how you are feeling and have been where you are-a few months ago. Then I woke up out of that fantasy and realized I am in a commitment. Self talk here.... A commitment is a commitment and hard is hard. This is it. Its not a matter of being in-love anymore. You do not know what next year could bring -cancer, disease, wrinkles (ha!) and your husband will be there through it all. Loving your husband through ths time is good for your children's future and it's your legacy. 

I know this is easier to say than to do. Everyday is a struggle still. I try to go workout at 5am to avoid the temptations. The men I am around still lust after me and sometimes I can smell the testosterone. It's hard. But one girl on here said something that has stuck with me. I tell myself all the time- they are only trying to realize their latest porn fantasy. As much as I loooooove feeling desired, this helps to remind myself. I know my husband loves ME for who I am. That will last, unlike this face and figure.

I know people can judge your situation so easily but this is a genuine struggle. We have given and given of ourselves for so many years and now this age, this time in our lives, you want to focus on yourself a bit. I understand. Send me a PM if you want to chat.


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## Sunshine1234 (Aug 20, 2012)

I need to let you know I didn't read more than the first page of replies!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Fourmoreplease

I just wanted to stress that the advice Chapparal gave in posts 111,112, and 113 is excellent.

As you have stated, he seems quite resistant to change... he works out a bit and quits, won't go to the dentist, etc. This is normal. He will only change if and when he wants... no, NEEDS to change.I asked about the health on his side of the family because you need a "trigger" for him. If his side has a history of congenital heart defects, diabetes, etc- you might be able to trip that trigger with a very frank discussion on his health- as in, all of the success now isn't worth it if he isn't around to enjoy the rewards in the future. Following Chapparal's idea in regards to gingivitis is a good one, especially if there is family history... but, still good without.

Is it possible that he's unhappy and hiding it?

I was similar to your husband not so long ago, but I found my "trigger" and I will never go back. 

Feel free to read my story 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/63110-almost-there-advice-please.html

Buy him the MMSL, have the heart to heart, talk to his Doctor (when's the last time he went?).


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Sunshine1234 said:


> I know people can judge your situation so easily but this is a genuine struggle. We have given and given of ourselves for so many years and now this age, this time in our lives, you want to focus on yourself a bit.


You're describing a human condition that many men and women go through at various points in their lives. Men can be confronted with it much later in life at a point when they are really vulnerable. And you're right. doing the right thing is our legacy.


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## rabbit75 (Jan 7, 2013)

Since my marriage came about through a 5-year long-distance exclusive relationship (as in being apart for *years* at a time), I'm probably overly optimistic in thinking a marriage can be salvaged in two days of face-to-face contact per month. Some marriages might be strong enough to survive that amount of contact for a year, but the other posters are right--thinking you can rekindle a relationship with that amount of contact over two years is foolish.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

Just wondered if there was an update to this situation, Fourmoreplease?

I see such shocking similarities between your husband and where I was, that I am really rooting for you


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## fourmoreplease (Jan 10, 2013)

After posting and reading other peoples comments and posts my H and I are doing better.
I ended up Getting really sick for several weeks and I had to go to the hospital for an overnight visit. My husband dropped everything and flew down to take care me. You really can't do that in the corporate world, but he did. He said I was more important. I had an eye-opening experience. No one loves me more than he loves me. And it shouldn't matter what he looks like. it's on the what's on the inside that counts. Right?
Anyway, He stayed in extra week and it was really, really good. I actually had a few "fuzzy" feelings for him, as well...
I also told him that I AM moving to where he is as soon as the kids get out of school for the summer. 
Oh, He is also getting his teeth fixed and we are having a contest regarding weight loss and getting healthy. (We are doing it together) 
I am so hoping this is the start of a new, improved marriage.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

fourmoreplease said:


> After posting and reading other peoples comments and posts my H and I are doing better.
> I ended up Getting really sick for several weeks and I had to go to the hospital for an overnight visit. My husband dropped everything and flew down to take care me. You really can't do that in the corporate world, but he did. He said I was more important. I had an eye-opening experience. No one loves me more than he loves me. And it shouldn't matter what he looks like. it's on the what's on the inside that counts. Right?
> Anyway, He stayed in extra week and it was really, really good. I actually had a few "fuzzy" feelings for him, as well...
> I also told him that I AM moving to where he is as soon as the kids get out of school for the summer.
> ...


Very happy for you, fourmoreplease. I wish you the best.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Great news...how often does that happen here?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Great to hear, and I'm glad to see you are both making steps, not just one of you. Be sure to keep at it and be sure to encourage him to do the same. I'm happy for you!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

fourmoreplease said:


> After posting and reading other peoples comments and posts my H and I are doing better.
> I ended up Getting really sick for several weeks and I had to go to the hospital for an overnight visit. My husband dropped everything and flew down to take care me. You really can't do that in the corporate world, but he did. He said I was more important. I had an eye-opening experience. No one loves me more than he loves me. And it shouldn't matter what he looks like. it's on the what's on the inside that counts. Right?
> Anyway, He stayed in extra week and it was really, really good. I actually had a few "fuzzy" feelings for him, as well...
> I also told him that I AM moving to where he is as soon as the kids get out of school for the summer.
> ...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

mazapantera said:


> Dont cheat, put your self in his shoes and ask yourself how to make him more atractive. Try asking him to go to the gym or work out toguether. Talk to him dont say something that you would regret.


I completely agree with this and I'm the male counterpart to you. I am extremely fit and spend a lot of time in the gym. My wife is morbidly obese and while she is a good person and mother, I am not attracted to her at all. Cheating is not the answer but you are starting to put yourself in a position where that seems possible. You say he is a good man ... he doesn't deserve that because YOU have a problem with the way he looks. I know you say you are not a cheater but I think it is pretty easy to go from where you are to having an "innocent" affair, especially when you are surrounding yourself with guys who are more fit and younger than he is ... and enjoying the compliments that make you feel good about yourself. Keep communicating with him about what you want. Please try everything and if that doesn't work then please consider divorce before you consider going outside of marriage. Keep in mind that despite the things you find unattractive, there will be women who will not have a problem with that.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

.


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