# Am i too high maintenance?



## princess.pea (Jun 16, 2011)

I want to know if I am too high maintenance compared to others as my husband says I am? He says he is going to leave us and he says he should have done it 5 years ago.
I get depression which sometimes makes a bit lethargic, but I always get the kids to school, pick them up and run them around after school, get dinner ready do the washing etc whatever I am like. I was working I had started my own company until it got too busy and I couldn't handle it anymore I didn't have enough time.
I have always had a rocky relationship with my husbands family and at times I have felt that they have ganged up on me and been really mean to me. Although they are manipulative and my husband doesn't see them as anything very angelic no matter what they do.
I don't go to beauty spas apart from to get waxing done. I don't buy heaps of clothes or shoes I don't need. 
He says he has made up his mind and there is nothing that I or our kids can do to stop him from going.


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## princess.pea (Jun 16, 2011)

Thanks for your reply. That had entered my mind. He might be. About a week ago I did find some explicit txt's on his phone from someone who used to work for him in his office.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Sounds normal to me too.
I wonder if you are depressed because you are not 'high maintenance' enough? 
Can he afford it if you do get your hair done or buy yourself some new things?
Or does he want you to work so he can afford stuff for himself - hobbies or whatever, or put you in a situation where kids can't do activities because you aren't working (even though with some budgeting or even without it could really be afforded)?

Oh, explicit texts from someone he doesn't need to be in touch with? 
I suggest that you start being high maintenance, for your own good.
That extra money he plans to spend on her (assuming it's a her) belongs to you.
Don't let him smokescreen you by bringing up money and so forth when what's really going on is that he's dallying on the side, in any way.


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## princess.pea (Jun 16, 2011)

Thanks guys. I think you are right sadly. Maybe I aren't physically high maintenance enough. He has quite a good career- in fact I gave up mine for his. He also says he is leaving me because I don't take enough pride in myself (at the same time as saying I am too high maintenance) but I'm running around after kids most of the day. I think he wants me to do everything, look perfect too, and never talk- then I think he would be happy!


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## princess.pea (Jun 16, 2011)

I mainly think you are right about an affair though.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

If he is sexting another woman, he is having either an emotional affair or a sexual affair....or both. What he is doing is called "rewriting the marital history" so that he can justify his infidelity. 

You are not high maintenance....just the opposite. You probably have been allowing him to bully you in the marriage all along. He sounds like he doesn't give YOU anything and when a husband does not invest in his wife, he often cheats as a result. 

I would check out the website survivinginfidelity.com which is the best website I've ever come across that deals with affairs and how to rebuild your marriage or to get out of it.

Don't let him convince you that you are at fault. You are not!


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Laurae1967 said:


> If he is sexting another woman, he is having either an emotional affair or a sexual affair....or both. What he is doing is called "rewriting the marital history" so that he can justify his infidelity.
> 
> You are not high maintenance....just the opposite. You probably have been allowing him to bully you in the marriage all along. He sounds like he doesn't give YOU anything and when a husband does not invest in his wife, he often cheats as a result.
> 
> ...


:iagree: He is emotionally abusive and manipulative.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Maybe you are high maintenance. But so what? He's the one stepping out. How is it that young women with no obvious brain damage get convinced that when their husbands and boyfriends whip out their ****s and bang tramps it's THEIR fault? "You made me sleep with her". Really? You took his penis out of his shorts and stuck it in her? 

In fact women who really are high maintenance are usually the ones stepping out. Not the other way around.


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## little sketchy (Jun 13, 2011)

Yeah his behaviour sounds pretty dodgy. I'd confront him. 

It's understandable if he finds your depression difficult to deal with and perhaps this is what he means by high maintenance (because you certainly don't sound like what I would think of as a high maintenance wife), but it sounds like you're coping as well as you can and certainly not putting him in a position where he has take on your responsibilities with the kids and around the house. As someone with depression myself I see how much it impacts on my partner, and hate the fact it does, but he made the vow to you 'for better or for worse' and 'in sickness and in health'. We can't help these things, we can only do what you've been doing and try to get on with life and do the things you need to do. 

Maybe he's just been unhappy for a while and things have got too much for him, through no fault of yours. But it does kind of sound like he's looking for excuses. If he is involved with someone else don't let him pin the blame for how he feels on you just because it helps him assuage his guilt. You don't deserve to be made to feel like that when it's him that's giving up on your marriage. 

Good luck, I hope that things work out for the best for you, whichever way it goes xxx


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## SurprisedWife (Jun 15, 2011)

Yeah, it sounds like he's making an excuse to get out. I think there's a good sign that if your husband supports his family over you and never once supports you that is very indicative as well.
You don't sound high maintenance to me at all based on what you wrote. He's just trying to put his actions onto you emotionally so he can feel good about what he's doing. 
Don't let him put a burden on you that you don't deserve. You don't need to beat yourself up, sounds like he's doing that just fine.
What he's doing is very disrespectful and doesn't indicate love.
good luck, sounds like you're in a painful situation.
Surprised Wife


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## princess.pea (Jun 16, 2011)

Thank you. I have confronted him about the txt's. He said that he wouldn't have done it if I had ever made an effort. I can't believe he is so willingly up-heaving the kids lives. He's like 'yes I am being selfish, but they'll get over it.' He is kind of like talking to a brick wall once he has made up his mind. The kids are really upset. I feel sick for them.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

He's the one that sounds high-maintenance. And selfish.


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## healme (Jun 17, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> If he is sexting another woman, he is having either an emotional affair or a sexual affair....or both. What he is doing is called "rewriting the marital history" so that he can justify his infidelity.
> 
> You are not high maintenance....just the opposite. You probably have been allowing him to bully you in the marriage all along. He sounds like he doesn't give YOU anything and when a husband does not invest in his wife, he often cheats as a result.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## healme (Jun 17, 2011)

I think you are lackng the selg resepct and confidence here to second guess yourself but I guess thats no fault of yours because your self esteem has been lowered by your so called husband .Dont mind "so called" because hes actually not acting like one.guys generally do this when they are wrong somewhere like maybe hes cheating on you or is not earning enuf or wants to invest somewhere else whatever it is.Dont let him hide your weaknesses under cover by pointing out unnecessarily yours.Believe me you dont need to believe any of those blames as far I can see.
And you are todays woman,I m afraid why you should be worried /sad about the kids.You saved them of the pain bearing with an unresponsible /uncaring /unworthy father.If you have been runnng a company in the past ,Im sure youd be able todo that now as well and since you have cut down on the family responsibilties youd do that in a better way.Im sure once you realize your self worth and prove it to yourself and the world such guys would fall at your knees and you wont give a damn.
You (and every girl for that matter)deserve a husband who loves and takes care of you and the kids not the one who makes you sacrifice every pleasure/career of yours and become so called low maintainence and abide by his laws/opinions.You have every right to be high/low /watever maintainence you are cuz thats what hes there for.


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## Random User (Apr 29, 2011)

If you don't take pride in yourself but are, at the same time, too high maintenance, he's making excuses to leave you. Let him go and get on with your life.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

princess.pea said:


> I want to know if I am too high maintenance compared to others as my husband says I am? He says he is going to leave us and he says he should have done it 5 years ago.
> I get depression which sometimes makes a bit lethargic, but I always get the kids to school, pick them up and run them around after school, get dinner ready do the washing etc whatever I am like. I was working I had started my own company until it got too busy and I couldn't handle it anymore I didn't have enough time.
> I have always had a rocky relationship with my husbands family and at times I have felt that they have ganged up on me and been really mean to me. Although they are manipulative and my husband doesn't see them as anything very angelic no matter what they do.
> I don't go to beauty spas apart from to get waxing done. I don't buy heaps of clothes or shoes I don't need.
> He says he has made up his mind and there is nothing that I or our kids can do to stop him from going.


That's not what i think of as high maintenance. I'm a guy and couldn't stand a high maintenance woman, but I don't read anything that's bad to me. What specifically causes him to think you are high maintenance?


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

princess.pea said:


> I want to know if I am too high maintenance compared to others as my husband says I am? He says he is going to leave us and he says he should have done it 5 years ago.
> I get depression which sometimes makes a bit lethargic, but I always get the kids to school, pick them up and run them around after school, get dinner ready do the washing etc whatever I am like. I was working I had started my own company until it got too busy and I couldn't handle it anymore I didn't have enough time.
> I have always had a rocky relationship with my husbands family and at times I have felt that they have ganged up on me and been really mean to me. Although they are manipulative and my husband doesn't see them as anything very angelic no matter what they do.
> I don't go to beauty spas apart from to get waxing done. I don't buy heaps of clothes or shoes I don't need.
> He says he has made up his mind and there is nothing that I or our kids can do to stop him from going.


For alot of guys, there are two aspects of being high maintenance, but you only touched on one. You talked about the lack of spas and other ways to take care of yourself, but I've heard men say that a woman is too high maintenance if he is implying that she needs him to be with her at all moments of the day, and can't function in situations without his input. Or maybe, she can't overcome insecurities without his constant compliments. In my opinion, this is the last ditch argument of a selfish guy. It appears that he is taking a very selfish stance, but I'm wondering if he's trying to suggest that he feels that the relationship is one-sided in some ways.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

When I first saw your username, I was thinking "Ah, a PRINCESS... must be high maintenance"... but then reading your post... complete opposite...
But then again...



> woman is too high maintenance if he is implying that she needs him to be with her at all moments of the day, and can't function in situations without his input. Or maybe, she can't overcome insecurities without his constant compliments.


That's a very good point...

The missus herself has always been high maintenance, but not financially, more sexually, lovey-doveyly, affectionately (in other words - she just takes up TIME, and time = money) etc... I agree that there are many other aspects either than simple 'beautifying oneself at a spa' or financially that can make one a 'princess' so to speak.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

princess.pea said:


> Thank you. I have confronted him about the txt's. He said that he wouldn't have done it if I had ever made an effort. I can't believe he is so willingly up-heaving the kids lives. He's like 'yes I am being selfish, but they'll get over it.' He is kind of like talking to a brick wall once he has made up his mind. The kids are really upset. I feel sick for them.


Fog. Google it. Affair fog.


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## xalenfairbanks (Jun 23, 2011)

You don’t sound demanding or irresponsible, so it seems like he’s just making an excuse to leave. He’s trying to make it seem that he’s leaving because of you, not because of him which seems to be the real reason.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

If he has made up his mind to leave, then let him. There is nothing left to discuss. Talk to an attorney. Start deciding what you want to do. Get what you can for the children.

I have a feeling that in his not to distance future he will find out what a high maintenance woman is all about.


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## Six (Jul 2, 2011)

Real men don't leave their kids. My wife could cheat on me with her entire office and I'd stay. Not missing a minute of my kids' lives makes everything else infinitesimal.

Sorry he's doing this to you. I don't suspect you deserve it.


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## mayatatia (Jul 3, 2011)

Only one comment about the text-----> "RED FLAG!!!"


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