# Should I wait or move on?



## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

Hi everyone,
My husband left on Jan 2, 2010 and I didn't even see it coming. He is 28 I am 29. We are both in school, he is going for forensics and graduates next year and I am a nursing student and I will graduate next year too. He has not worked for 2 years and his parents pay for his school, car, roof and food and whenever he gets into debt they pay his bills. They don't let him grow up. Now college life got in his head and wants to party and fit in with a younger crowd. I also recently found out that through the whole 6 and half years of marriage he was smoking pot when he knew how I felt about that. I was always honest with him and he knew the things I liked and didn't. Since he left he has not looked back and nothing matter to him. He says we are too different all of sudden when we were always on the same page discussing our future, children and what we wanted. The day before he ended our relationship we were discussing the future and we were ok, so you can understand why I am so confused!!!!
Pls give advice...I was not perfect but I know I was good to him and I have no regrets and I know I tried to the end to work the marriage. I love him with all my heart but I feel like is not up to me any more and it's out my hands.
Pls give your opinions. Thank you.


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## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

Try and go for a period of time with no contact and see what happens. A week even. Sounds like he is way immature and still a college wannabe.He does not want a stable, settled down type of relationship

Stay strong ! I'm going thru the same thing. I really hope you the best.


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## Cgreene21 (Feb 11, 2010)

I feel your frustration. My stbx is 27, always seemed level headed, dependable, and devoted to me. Soon after we got married, she began acting odd. She dressed more provacativly, became obsessed with MTV, going out all the time, driving home drunk at 3 am, etc. She basically started acting like a single college girl. Then she got into facebook, and thats were she reconnected with an ex boyfriend who lives the same type of life. Life is just one big party, no responsability.

Its frustrating and heart wrenching to watch happen, especially when one side is totally commited and wants a family life. I'd try the no contact, but be prepared for a long, hard period of time ahead of you. If you do decide to go with NC, stick to your guns, don't backslide in a moment of weakness, and follow it through. It may take a long time before he responds, if at all.

I wish you a lot of luck. I hope your situation doesn't end like mine.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

I thank you for your your time and giving me advice. I just don't know what to do? actually there is nothing I can do is all up to him bc I already tried and I can't keep carrying the relationship for both of us. I have given him all the space in the world. I don't call him, email, text him or anything. It's been 2 months and there is no contact at all is like he disappeared from the face of the earth. All I can do is place my marriage or whats left of it in Gods hands and wait and see. My husband does not deserve me but my heart is irrational. He told me he loves me and he cried but yet moved on which was probably a lie and I know one day his partying will come to an end and may be he will remember me but who knows where I will be and if I will be willing to even consider him or us again. The whole thing is disgusting. Is not that I can't take him breaking it off but the way he went about it and the things he said and also how it was all out of left field. I do have a long journey ahead and all I can do is wait and see what the future will bring. It just sucks to live so upset and wonder knowing I will never get the answers I deserve and to take a day at time and feel like living is so hard.....


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

I am sorry to hear about your situation Juliana. It happened for me almost in the same scenario. Not acouple of days before I confronted my wife about 1000s of txt msgs , we had sat down and had an emotional moment were we talked about kids and our future. We were living our future in the brand new house. Acouple of days later when I confronted her it all blew up and now I have filed for divorce. I deserve much better then what I have been given. I have made every attempt for counseling and reconciliation. I will be seeing a counselor tomorrow (which happens to be my bday) just to figure out if I was right with how I acted and I am sure Ill be agreed with. It sucks and so do people. I think a lot of people react and act due to their past and not always do their mouth and heart match. Be strong you will make it to tomorrow.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

I don't know why but Sundays for me are tough days. I get so depressed and start to think how could the man I thought was suppose to be my best friend and love unconditionally do this to me. He took vows and always spoke of our future and how much he loved me. Today the man I thought was my best friend and I trusted with my eyes closed stabbed me in the back and is a stranger in my life. I hate this feeling I feel of hopelessness and disappointment (broken heart). When I think I am doing well something inside brings me down and makes life hard and pointless. I can't believe his coldness, detachment, and how easy this has been for him. I lost my motivation and my will and I just don't care about anything.....I guess today is a horrible day! I don't know how my life got here and why he lied to me and all the bull**** he said to me to at the end leave me cold. My husband dropped faster than a dime and is not looking back at all and I am having a really hard time with that. I don't understand so many times I wanted to leave him bc of his lack of respect to me and his wrong actions and he wouldn't let me go and I stayed bc I loved him and was committed to my marriage. I am sorry, I am ranting but I just can't get over this and I feel I wont and I keep waiting when it feels like there is no hope. I am so disconnected from God due to this problem and I don't know how to go back again. I have gone to church and talk to friends and family but I am so disconnected.


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## SurrealPain (Feb 26, 2010)

Precious Juliana, when i read about, how you describe, the things, your husband said to you, and his reactions to all of this, then i can see in my mind, only one person, my ex-wife! She is everything, that you have mentioned about your husband. It is almost "Uncanny!!" First, there was the tremendous amount of disrespect, and then the abandonment, with no obvious remorse, whatsoever!. She moved on, to the new guy, so quick, and seemingly effordless, without feeling anything, for me. I have wondered many times, if she even has a heart? I also can't believe the coldness, and the detachment, it is so surreal (hence my username). This is the woman, i loved, and married , we were best friends, how could she be so cold hearted, and walk out, leaving me, distraught and confused?. I am too, feeling a disconnetion from God, as if i have been totally abandoned!. I know, His Word says, that He will Never abandon us, but this is how i feel. I feel lonely, desolate, and very confused. I will pray for you, i have faith, (although some days, i fail totally) but other days, i feel stronger again, and i do have faith, that, for you, and for me, there is someone, much better, out there!! Remeber what i said, here today. You will find the right one, for you!! He's out there. . . . Hold your head up high, my girl, you will be the survivor in this outcome!! you can talk to me on this email : [email protected]. we can pray about this together, if you want. Surrealpain


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

SurrealPain,
Thank you for your kind words and support. One day your wife will realize what she's done bc that is the law of life (karma). I am finding my situation so difficult bc it was so abrupt and so out of the blue. I will never know or understand how or why but God will help me get through this and accept what I can't change. I don't know if he will ever regret what he has done and if he does will my heart want to try again. There is too much and the pain is intolerable sometimes and it drives me insane an to a point of despair. While he lives I have to take things a day at a time and I feel like I am not living. I am trying to get back to church and get back into good terms with God and ask for forgiveness bc I blamed him for my situation when I know better. My husband has shaking my faith and has made loose hope but I know God wants me to be happy and wants nothing but the best for you and me. I am trying to get back to my life and let my husband go and move on but at times that seems impossible and I am sure you understand what I mean. I will pray for you too and hope that you heal well and find that someone you are looking for that can make you happy and bring joy and positive things to your life....God bless.
Juliana


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

Hi,
So it's been 3 months since I've heard from my husband. The pain is still the same. I am trying my best to keep busy and taking care of myself but nothing helps, nothing works. I pray to God and my faith fails me all the time. I know he hears me and I know he knows my situation but I feel like nOthing helps me. He has moved on so easily and is having such a great time and is like I NEVER happened or 7 years of us never existed. How is it that he has no conscience, how can he just throw me away like i am nothing. I was good to him and I cared for him and I was always thoughtful with him and his family and I stood by him when I should of left. Nothing makes sense to me and how come is me feeling all this pain. It feels like I am being tortured and I want to give up. I mean I don't want to sound ungreatful with life bc I have a life, family, friends career but is like I get out of the mess my husband left me in. Neither one has filed for divorce yet! but I know he hasn't is bc he is too lazy to file. I know it takes 2 for things to go wrong/right but I don't deserve this and is not that I can't take the break up is just how he has gone about it that kills me. I thought I had my best friend next to me and he turned out to be liar. How can people go on in life hurting others and have no remorse. I will never know? The other thing that hurts me is how cold his family has been towards me. I mean I know he is there son and I never talked bad about him to them or asked them questions about what he is up to. All I ever did was pour my heart out to them and they don't give a ****. I thought I had a relashionship with them and I got along with them and is not that I expect them to take my side or any but show me that in some way you care and talk to me but I guess I am fooling myself and I was raised differently. They are such cold hearted people. I don't know how my life got here and where is all this goign to go. My heart can't take it any more. I am sick of pretending I am happy when inside I am broken and I just want to give up. The girl I am today is not me and I don't know how to get the old me back. Help/advice pls...Thank you


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

I wish I knew the words to comfort you, but unfortunately I am sort of in the same boat. My husband left me just 3 days ago. In Jan. he told me he didn't feel like he was in love with me anymore, then I found out 2 wks ago he had an affair with a chick he sought out on a porn site. We have children too, so it's just been so awful. I have seen him every day since he's been gone, for one reason or the other, and it's not helping. I feel like if he ever truly loved me then we wouldn't be going through this. Do you have any close friends to talk to? I have a few, more than I realized til this all started, and they do help. In the end I guess you just have to do what is best for you, but I don't know what to tell you to help you let go. I'm not to that point yet. But I do share your pain, he was the only man I ever truly loved, my best friend, I gave him every thing I had, and this totally blind sided me. Now he seems like he is fine and I mean nothing. I would tell you to move on, especially if he hasn't even called, it's not fair to you to keep putting yourself through this. Yet I can't tell you how to do that.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

Hi,
I am sorry to hear about what your husband has done to you and your children. Honestly, what is wrong with your husband? He probably is acting like nothing happened bc he probably can tell that you are hanging in there or he thinks that he found somthing great but time will show him what an idiot he is for doing this to you. Again I am really sorry. Me and my husband have no children. We always talk about having children after school was over next year. I was blind sided by my husband and didn't see this coming at all. Two days before he did what he did we were discusing out future and being nice to each other and everything was fine and then boom. I am doing a little better than 3 months ago but I some days can still be horrible. I have lots of friends and family that are helping me but to be honest no one can make me feel better and no one can answer my questions. I tried getting them from my husband back in January but all I got was lame excuses bc he couldn't validate what he was doing. I am not going to file for divorce yet! I can't, I am not ready. Some of my friends still tell me to hold of and see what happens but something inside me tells me he is not coming back. I am so confused and even my family is shocked bc they all saw and knew how much he loved me and it don't make sense. He wants to party and be a collge kid again when he is 28. All his close friends are married and have jobs and are doing what they are suppose to be doing and he wants to be a child with all the college kids he hangs with and wants no responsablities or commitments. His parents don't help much either bc they pay for everything and this encourages his immaturity. This is all out of my hands and there is nothing I can do! I am leaving in Gods hands and is up to my husband now to figure out what he wants but the pain, the dispair, and the misery is so great and too real...Thank you for taking the time.


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

I know that friends can't make you feel better, or fix your problems, but it sure is nice to have someone to talk to when you are in "I want to jump off a bridge" mode. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope and pray that you can find some peace, wether he comes back or not. And remember, this is not your fault. It is his defect.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

Hello, 
Its' been 3 months since my husband left me and the situation has not gotten better. I have not heard from him at all. I have been focusing on myself trying to take care of me and doing things that I enjoy but it's hard when you are so hurt, so disappointed, so distraut, so betrayed, etc. I go to the gym 4x's a week and it does help me a lot bc I can release so much anger and negative feelings that I hold inside and at the same time and gets me in shape but that happiness didn't last for too long. Last week I was working out and a mutual friend that never really talks to me decided to come up and talk to me and told me how him and my husband use to smoke pot together all the time when we were all together at parties and I had no idea. I was shocked bc I had my suspicions about him smoking pot but not 100% sure. Also, another friend of my who I barely see told me that he also smoked pot with him a couple of times and he was shocked that I had no idea about it. For seven years I was with a pot head and something tells me that my husband is doing other drugs. I married someone I had no idea who he was at all. He pretended to be someone in front of me and behind my back he was someone else. I am so drained by the mess he left me in and so tired of him. It's funny how the truth always comes out even when you are not seeking it and I can't even imagine what else I will find out about him in the future. My husband is a 28 y/o boy who cares only to party, drink and get high bc he refuses to face life and deal with reality. I am goign church and it makes me feel so much better and God lets me know that he is with me and tells me to hang in there and let him take care of the rest. God is bringing peace into my life and eventhough sometimes I still get very upset about my situation it's getting a little better to tolerate and I am starting to feel hope and I am restoring my faith. I am tire of asking why? how? what if? I can't wait to just be me again and move foward with my life. I pray for all of you that are going through something like what I am going through and know that God is the only one that can help you get through a situation like this. I have no hate, no resentment, no negative feelings towards my husband. I love him very much and I pray for him and I forgive him for me wether one day we can work this out or not. I beleive he needs to hit rock bottom in order to wake up and his parents need to stop enabling him so he can start seeing life in a different way and he needs to stop the drugs in order to face reality. But I will not put my life on hold and wait for him to see the light. I will continue what I am doing now and focus on me and school which is what I have worked so hard for. My prayers and thoughts are with all of you.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

Hello, 
I really need someone in this forum to give me advice or tell me something bc right now I am so angry and hurt and so disapointed and the person I should direct all this that I am feeling could careless and doesn't see what he has done to me and how he has altered my life. I am so counsumed by all that my husband has done and how he has just moved on with his life and his selfishness and how he just doesn't care and how all this is making me self-destruct myself. I feel like I don't want to go on any more. Like life is not worth it. I can't think straight and nothing matters. I feel hopeless. I am holing on to an impossible. I am praying so hard and trying to hold on to God and at times it's so hard bc what I feel inside takes over me and my life. My husband is just out there going to college parties and mingling as if I never happened or even exist. He has no remorse or guilt for what he has done to me and how do you just block 7 years and marriage out. I found he is smoking pot and that while he was with me he was doing it behind my back. He posted himself on FB high and also drinking absenthe. I feel like I can't deal with life any longer. I feel like I am holding on to my life by a string and I just want to let go. How can he just do this to me and not have any consequences. How is life so easy for him and so hard for me. I was always the one who had her head straight and the person I am today is not me and I can't find myself or the girl I once was. I feel so hopeless and the last 3 months of my life have been in a FOG and I am still in that FOG.....I hate the way I feel and I hate that I am the one going through this when I did nothing bad anough to deserve this. The anger, rage, hurt, sadness, hopelessness is taring my life apart and I feel like I can't go on any more....
Juliana


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I like to say a word from the deepest deep of my heart 
My dear Juliana you have a wonderful heart and a great love
Love is a noble feeling 
Don't let a noble feeling make your life miserable
Love should make you happy
You loved your husband you can still love him in different way because love is unconditional you can wish for him to be happy even if he is away from you
You can pray for him so God will give him peace of mind
Just love LOVE and love will fill your world in a way you can spread love everywhere
Don't let your love turn to hatred don't lose love but use it where you need it 
HOW?
Just take a look around you there are so many who need your love you can add a smile to a child life or wipe a tear on a sad face or make a change with your human nurturing touch you can volunteer to help someone who is in deep need to a smile or a care
You will be blessed and you will see how many will return this love to you
And you will feel happiness shining from your inside
Will you allow your mind your heart your love the whole of you will you allow yourself to give you happiness???????
PLEASE try it  I tried myself


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

Le Vieux Sage,

Thank you for your kind words and time to give me confort. I am attending church and I have been getting on my knees and praying to God to break into my husbands heart and mind and make him see what he is doing. I don't hate him and I don't feel hate in my heart for him. I love him with everything inside of me and I also pray for his happiness even if is not next to me. I just can't understand how my life got here and why? and I will never know. He is cold, cruel, immature and extremly selfish but I wish him the best and I pray for his well being. I am going to volunteer at my church and I am still finding other ways to give love to others which is great! My husband completely forgot about me and is like 7 years did not happen and just threw me out of his life. I don't exist in his world and how did I go from being his wife to being a stranger in a matter of seconds? I feel like I wont be able to cope with this. I am seeing a counselor soon from my church and I hope I listen to what God is trying to tell me and that I make my choices in Gods standards and will.
Lamida,
I thank you for offering your help to me. That is very kind of you but I don't belive in psychic's or anything that relates to that. Only God can see my future and I don't want to cast spells on anyone and I if anything I want my husband to be with me bc it's in his heart to love me and be with me. I don't mean any disrespect to you so pls don't take this the wrong way. At times it's hard for me to have faith and yes I have thought to talk to a psychic but that is the weakness of my human nature bc I am desperate but at the same time is defying God and I can't do that. I have upset God enough bc for a while I blamed him for what my husband did to me and turned my back on him but God has and is showing me that I can't live my life independent from him and I am trying to go back to him asking him to forgive me and help me to make my faith grow bigger and bigger and to trust in him and place my life and marriage in his hands and abide by him and do his will and to give me wisdom to make the right decisions. From the bottom of my heart Thank you.
Juliana


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Sorry I couldn't reply yesterday
I just want to make sure you understand it wasn't your fault he is either selfish or having kind of disorder in his life
you said his parents was paying him everything even maybe taking decision for him as if he was absent so either he is spoiled or lived his life somebody else controlling it and or taking decision for him
and than he got married at 21 what i think maybe he found himself trapped in this marriage until he blew up and never come back you could be for him someone who trap him more in a cage 
he doesn't want to be in commitment with anyone 
I am not a therapist and this is my own analysis it could be wrong especially i don't know all details
Anyway I loved your reply i saw in it hope faith and believe
I loved the way you talked about God
and God would never leave you
Good that you are trying to listen to God but also you opened your heart so you can feel God more and more and allow Him to guide you on your path and when i said in my first reply love LOVE I felt you will know who represent love and Who represent love is going to fill your world and guide you He is going to lead your joy as much as you allow him to be in your life
God bless you


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

You say your praying to God. Since you believe in Him ; I will go ahead and say this. You need to give these feelings up to Him. He is there to accept your burdens but you actually have to give them up. I have been going through a rough patch of late myself.

It is as if our SOs have had their hearts hardened. But I think we are put through these things in life for when we meet the one who has been made for us. It is difficult when you feel that your other is moving on and as if they can dump all those feelings for you so easily. But it is what it is. C'est la vie (it is life).

Concentrate on yourself. One foot in front of the other while remembering to breathe. Get out of the house ! Don't sit there all damn day running this bs through your head. I made that mistake. Felt like I was falling apart or imploding until I walked outside and it was such a beautiful clear sunny day. It turned out to be a great day. Take it day by day and keep hitting us up here.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

Le vieux sage and Carefulthoughts,
Thank you for your kind words. Honestly I blamed myself for my husband leaving me for a while but it didn't take long for me to realize this is not my fault and instead is about him and his issues. I always had a good relationship with his parents. I met up with his parents after he broke up with me and his mom told me that she thought I was an angel for staying with him for so many years bc he is too immature and has a horrible temper. When I talked to his mom she validated many things I said to her and she said so many things to me that day that I wanted to say but she said them for me. She said that my husband needs help but at the same time they encourage his immaturity by supporting him 100% financially and that's why is so easy for him to act this way. He was 22 when we got married and I don't think he felt trapped in the marriage bc I was not and never was a clingy person with him. He go away on trips with his friends all the time, I respected his school time and study time. He could go on trips/out without me at times bc I understand that we sometimes we need time to ourselves and we don't need to be together all the time. He had all the freedom in the world to do what he wanted to do and I trusted him. His family, my family, our friends are shocked of how he turned on me. College life, pot, immaturity, weakness, partying got to him and he is too weak to man up and realize that he is not a kid. He is being extremely selfish and that's where he is at right now. I don't know where this will all end. The only thing I can do is leave this in Gods hands bc I have tried and nothing has worked. I am taking care of myself and NO I have not stayed home crying but no matter what I do the hurt is there. I have not pushed myself on my husband or harassed at all. I've giving him all the space in the world. The only thing I have done is sent 3 emails, 1 written letter and 1 text message in the last 3 months and 1/2 and got no response from him and as much as that hurts me I will not force myself onto him and let him go through his face and let God work with him and his life. Right now everything leads to my marriage being over and just waiting for any day to hear from him say he is divorcing me but no matter what happens I don't and will not allow myself to hate him instead I pray for him every night and ask God to bless every single day of his life and I ask God that if may be one day he brings us back together I will still love for him in my heart and to be able to pick up the pieces and make our marriage better. All I know is that I tried to the end and I know in my heart that it wasn't me who failed and that I stood by him through not only the good but also the tough times. My husband failed me but he also failed himself. My faith is starting to grow in God again and in the last 2 days I feel a little more peace in my heart and in my soul and that is a sign that God is listening to my prayers. I don't want my marriage to be over but I can't control my husband. I believe in the power of prayer and one good thing that has come out of all this crazy roller coaster is how bad I am searching for God and how I am building a relationship with him as I go along which I have tried before but never really meant it. May be this happened bc God is trying to teach me something and I just have to listen and have patience and everything will fall into place but it will be in his time and not mine. Thank you for your support and pls keep talking to me. I think you both are very kind people and I thank you again for your moral support. God bless, Juliana.



Juliana.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If you are in that kind of fog and feeling so hopeless, you may be really depressed--clinically--and need some medical help, so please see your doctor now. Don't put it off. 

Here is the "secret" that will help you the most: no one can "make" you feel or do anything. You get to decide how to react, and because it is a decision, it starts in your head, even though usually we don't realize it. 

You do not have to feel this way. Start thinking, "Wow, he's a total ass and I deserve so much better." Then, calmly tell him and be prepared to follow through with a separation if he does not respond immediately. You do deserve better, and if he's not what you deserve, it is his loss and his mistake. (ps: when you ask yourself the question, how can he do this to me? remember, he is a total ass--and it's no reflection on you if he is now.)

Edit: I just saw your new reply; good for you. Recognizing that this is HIS problem is a huge step, because in doing so you have just "solved" your own problem--taking responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings. 

You sounded pretty desperate in your first post, so talk to a doctor if those feelings come back and start to overwhelm you. 

Recognizing that your husband is immature and selfish (ie, being an ass right now, at this stage in his life) does not mean you have to hate him--and you know that. I usually feel pity or compassion for people like that--pity if I think they can't or won't change; compassion when I think they have a real chance at improving things. Either way, prayer will help both of you, and you can, as already said, love someone who has failed you and himself; he is still one of God's children. But you do not have to submit yourself to your husband's behaviors. You do not have to divorce him, but you do not have to take him back "as is," either. Hold out for what you deserve. Good luck.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

sisters359,

Thank you for your concern and advice. I did see a psychologist, a doctor and they were some sort of help but they can't take away what I feel. Yes, there are days when I've felt like life is NOT worth living but is the weakness in my human nature. I will have up and downs until one day I can let go of all that is hurting me so deeply. I can tell you that in the last 2 days I've felt better (is like a switch has turned on inside me and I feel a lot more peaceful). I feel like God is listening and helping me by lifting the pain and slowly showing me the way. I want God more than anything in my life right now and make him a part of my life from now on and for the rest of my days. I feel like God is making a new person in me and I love it. I am starting to see how strong I am. You are so right when you say I deserve better bc I do. I am praying so hard for me to become a better person for God and myself. Also, I am praying for God to break into my husband's soul and to bless him every single day and if he is to come back to me one day, I ask that he is a different man bc the one he is now I don't want. I feel like my life is being changed and renewed by God and who knows may be me and husband needed this and we can come out stronger for our our marriage and our future together. This either made us or broke us. God has a plan and I have to step back and let him do his work on me and my husband. I don't know what my husband is going through or thinking and God has to deal with him and hopefully lead him back to me. May be my husband met someone else, I don't know for sure though and if that's the case which I hope is not then so be it. I have to let go and let God do what his planned to do and trust in him with no hesitation or doubt. Some times that is easier said than done but that is why I am praying and going to church so God can help me with my weaknesses and help my faith grow larger every day. I accept what God has in store for me and I don't want to fight it any more and I want to abide by him and be dependent on him. All I know is that I can't continue in this crazy despair and emotional roller coaster bc it's not gonna help and if I believe in God I have no reason to feel this way. I just have to be patient on God. Thank you!
Juliana.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I am proud of you 
God Bless you 
you have all the potential to be a happy person
God wants you to be happy and make right choices in your life
sometimes he puts people in our life those people we might need them or they might need us for certain time than they go 
the main thing is to understand why they were in our life and how they presence influenced our life
Sometimes we make wrong choices when it's time to correct our choices no matter how hard it is we need to do it because we need to seek our happiness
Juliana Good that you can feel how much God loves you but God never wants you to be unhappy in your life
Good the way you want God in your life but to be able to be more happy you need to want to let go everything making you suffering or unhappy
the way you are willing to work on yourself is good i encourage you
keep going and keep smiling you deserve the best
and keep in touch at least send me private messages even if you left the forum i got informed about the message on my email i like to see how God is working in your life 
I like you to always show me how you are working to help yourself fulfilling your life with happiness
Good Luck


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

juliana said:


> May be this happened bc God is trying to teach me something and I just have to listen and have patience and everything will fall into place but it will be in his time and not mine...........


I spent my life blaming myself and thinking that this is God Will and God is teaching me a lesson and that's what God wants me to live and i should accept everything and see what God wants from me to know 
This wasn't right even though this was a part of the old school the way my parents raised me and the old believe
but it's not the true God and what church is trying now to make us believe
What you need to believe is that God who represent love never wants you to be unhappy or punish you or makes you suffer to teach you a lesson God wants the best for everyone
You knew your H was immature from day one and you chose him WHY???? you need to find answers it's not a judgment but it's your choice not God choice and what your H did now is proof of his immaturity in many things not God's way to teach you anything
God Loves You when you love someone do you ever think to make him suffer just to teach him something?????!!!!!!
Never not a healthy person will ever do that how about God our creator 
When people sinned God sent his son who sacrifices his life for them and even before being crucified Jesus asked God if he can avoid this pain do you think he will give you pain just to teach you a lesson NO WAY
God is love and only love


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Juliana, I am so happy for you. One of the common threads in many religions is "submitting to God's will," but that never means (IMO) seeing His will as punishment--the mistake, I think, LVS is pointing out. It's about accepting His love, and letting it wash over you and give you peace, as you have done. Although i do not subscribe to any particular line of religious thought, I take tremendous comfort in the love I feel around me from God, Allah, The Force, whatever one calls it. I know it has something to do with our connectedness as living beings, but other than that, I do not know anything. (This seems to be enough for me.)

Please stay in touch, even if only to let us know how it's going every few days. That connectedness comes through the keyboard sometimes, and I personally think that is very cool. God is a nerd, so to speak--meant in the most positive way possible--He's helped us find this new and beautiful way to communicate. 

God bless.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

sisters359 and Le vieux sage,

When I say "May be this happened bc God is trying to teach me something and I just have to listen and have patience and everything will fall into place but it will be in his time and not mine" I meant that after all my husband did to me God is telling me to turn to him and reach out to him and he will show me the way to deal with this without making a mess of myself and my life and he will reveal to me what I must do and how handle it when it arises. God didn't do this to me, my husband did. Through all this God is showing me how strong I am and that he didn't forsake me and I can feel his presence when I get on my knees and pray and and I cry like a kid. Believe me I have been so angry at my husband for doing this to me and I have thought of ways I know that could hurt him but I know better and that is NOT the Godly thing to do. I still feel like at times I am gonna go crazy or I am crazy. I feel inadequate and I just want to let go and settle this in my own way. I have thought of throwing in the towel and getting a divorce but something inside me tells me I can't and I have to seek God and pray that he guides me and help me make decisions based on him and not on my emotion. I married my husband when I was 23 and he was 22 and I was in love and overlooked many things bc I though we both grow together as as a couple and mature together and my husband did for a while but regressed. I use to judge woman that stayed with bad husband's and think they were idiots for doing so but today I stand in their shoes and I understand what it really means to love and to forgive and to stand by your vows. Believe me that my pride tells me to get a grip and and move on and go and date and I've had lots of opportunities but I can't. I am not gonna file for divorce and if he does then so be it. I wont contest and I wont stop him. I do pray he doesn't and he comes back and if he was to come back I pray he is a the man i use to know and fell in love with bc honestly the one he is now I don't know and don't want to know. I will keep you updated of the outcome and thanks again. Juliana


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## DAVIDF.3304 (Apr 18, 2010)

what do i do ?
My wife has pilled pilows between she and i for several years now. This has been botherting me for along time. I have asked her to throhgh them out but she saids she needs them. I hate touse pillows. I want to be close in bed. I have even thought about having an affair. I have moved to another bedroom and when she gets home frome work its going to a big argument. What can a felloe do??? where can i turn, I have prayed about this many times.


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## DAVIDF.3304 (Apr 18, 2010)

DAVIDF.3304 said:


> what do i do ?
> My wife has pilled pilows between she and i for several years now. This has been botherting me for along time. I have asked her to throhgh them out but she saids she needs them. I hate touse pillows. I want to be close in bed. I have even thought about having an affair. I have moved to another bedroom and when she gets home frome work its going to a big argument. What can a felloe do??? where can i turn, I have prayed about this many times.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Good luck Juliana 
and take good care of yourself
and yes keep in touch


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Remember when it gets tough and unbearable He is there with His hands out waiting for you to pass your load to Him.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

I am not doing good at all. I can't make this pain go away. I feel like this is torture and I got nothing. I feel like life is hopeless. How can I love my worst enemy and how could he just move on and not care. How can people be so cruel and inflict so much pain on others just bc you love them. I don't know what to do. I've got all the help I need, I pray for peace and at times I do feel it but other times I feel such despair. I am beating myself up and for what? I want all this to go away and feel numb. I am not happy any more and I don't know how else to reach out. This is too much. 
Juliana


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Dear Juliana if you don't create a meaning for what you do you won't be able to get over your hurt or enjoy anything

It's a sharp pain it won't go easily you will keep feeling it every while 

if possible don't live at the same house where you lived together and don't go to the places you use to go with him
please Juliana try hard as much as you can to keep your mind busy with something else and fill your time 
write a journey
this link can help please try
How to Fill Your Free Time With Useful Things - wikiHow

while surfing the internet i found a page talking about people in similar situation like you
i will copy and paste for you an advice from a woman having the same problem giving advice to a young woman also desperate


There is surely nothing more painful than feeling rejected by the person we love. Of course, there are greater losses, but who is making comparisons?
Although the wife abandoned after 30 years will shake her head at your letter, murmuring: "But it was only six months," she will, I hope, also recognise that the first time we feel deep, emotional pain is the first time such pain has ever been felt.
So the young woman in her 20s, at the end of a love affair, will wake at 4am with a boulder in her heart just as weighty as that borne by the older woman.
Where Did Our Love Go? is more than a Supremes track; it is the wail that echoes down the centuries: men and women, young and old alike, crying to the pitiless moon for the end of love.
Your life cannot be nothing without this young man, because your life is your own, and you are not nothing.
The baby that you were, the toddler, the little girl in her first party frock, the awkward teenager struggling with exams, the young woman pleased to reach her 20s - they're all lined up behind you, saying: "Hey!" They're asking you to turn round, please, and remember them.
Do you care so little for your own past, for all your hobbies and previous loves (including friends) and richly-textured experiences that you now cast them all aside, dismissing them as "nothing" because this young man has said goodbye? Of course not.
Don't let all these tears wash lines into your face. It's too soon in your life to give into these feelings of rejection and grief - real though they have been.
Perhaps you should ask yourself why they have affected you so deeply. Are you too needy? Did he not have plenty of faults?

He was so charming once, and now he is pretty charmless, lacking the maturity to be able to treat you with common courtesy.
I want you to develop a sense of: (a) the preciousness of your own life, but also (b) of your great potential.
If I were your mother, I would sit you down, hold your hand, look into your eyes and suggest you set off to find these things out, and reinvent yourself for the next stage.
I'm guessing there are two people here: one who feels wretched some days, and the other who is fine. The first Lisa (Juliana) has never had much confidence in herself, never wanted a career, never set her sights beyond finding the 'right' person, settling down, making a home, etc.
Then there is the other one, who is capable of so much more if she could only start to believe in herself.
This second Lisa (Juliana) should see this pain as the starting point for reconsidering what she wants to do in life, for discovering the wonderful, unique woman inside her - for setting her sights high.
An unsympathetic person reading of your misery might use that horrible phrase "Get a life." But that is not what I am saying. My counsel to you is: "Create a life!"
It could be that you'll sniff and reply: "But that guy was my life."
Then I would point out that nobody should put that weight on to another person.
When my ex-husband left me, one of the things that helped me survive was the fact that I had a life of my very own: I might be separated from him, but I refused to be separated from that selfhood.
Lord Byron wrote: "Man's love is of man's life a thing apart,/Tis woman's whole existence."
Huh! The old womaniser believed that men keep love tucked conveniently in a compartment, to be taken out and played with when they feel like it; while poor little women sit quivering with love, not thinking about anything else.
Well, doesn't that tendency in us have to be squashed? Let us superglue that heart of yours.
Start now. Brush your hair, look in the mirror and greet yourself as somebody special and infinitely worthy of love, for whom new days are dawning.
Promise yourself stylish clothes, fresh challenges, fun experiences.
Think of yourself as not rejected, but set free - to walk forward towards new loves, and all the things you will do with the rest of your life.


Juliana i really loved this letter i hope it will help you to start to CREATE YOUR LIFE


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

Le vieux sage,

I have changed everything in my life that had to do with him. I threw out all his belongings that were left behind, I took myself out of the cell family plan we had, I mail him his mail to where he is so he doesn't come here. (he changed his mailing address recently though) I placed the boundaries bc he wanted to keep a hold on me and I said no! I go to the gym, take care of myself, shop, go to church, pray, i offered myself as a volunteer at my church and go out with my girlfriends all the time. I have been asked out on dates and have had the opportunity to be with someone else and they are all stable achieved man but you see this is not what I want nor need right now. I have not sat home crying and did not let go of myself.
I was married for 6 years not 6 months and is not the time I spent with him that bothers me is his cruelty, coldness, selfishness, and heartless actions that hurt me and make me feel so worthless and makes it hard for me to continue. If you knew me and him, you probably think I am crazy bc he is no match for me and it's not my ego but I know I am better than him. On my FB I can't put my real name bc if I do than his friends would find out he is married and he would kill me if I did that. I use my maiden name. So you see how the whole entire thing is wrong. 
I had a life of my own and he never gave me anything financially. All I wanted him to give me was love and show that he cared for me. I was never clingy nor was I needy. When ever things went wrong or I needed something done I take care of it myself. He would turn to me for help. I was a cool wife and cool friend. He could come and go as he pleased and I did not absorb him at all. I accept my faults and they were that I was very moody at times and when I find out about things he did behind my back I would call him out on it and when I did I say the right things in the wrong way and that was a mistake on my part. I don't regret telling him the things I said, I regret saying them the way I did but there was no in between with him. He has a terrible temper and he push me and push me. 
Last year I asked him to do our taxes bc I needed the money for school and I begged him for an entire month to do them until I blew up and purged and ever since that day he always threw that fight in my face. (he refuses to pay anyone to do our taxes, he does them himself) Another time I wanted to take vacation from work and school bc I was stressed and he asked me to wait an extra month so he could take it with me and you know what he did? he caused a fight and took off to California then Florida and didn't talk to me for an entire month. 
When I was with him I took care of me and him. I was the strong one and I carried the relationship and all he did was put me down but a vowed my marriage would work and as tough as I was I loved him and I would always think I can't walk away and cause him pain bc there were many times I wanted to walk but my love was greater and I wanted my husband and the children we planed to have. I am a family person, I believe that family is the foundation and the reason to get up for every day and fight.
You see I was tough and I endured many things and he has the nerve to leave and tell me I will be okay, how cruel is that? I spend 7 years loving my worst enemy! Is not about pride, ego, or why me? this about loving someone so much and placing first in your life and the slap you in the face. I never took crap from anyone and I never let anyone put me down but today I don't even know who I am. I know if I meet someone they could take my mind off from this turmoil but that's the easy way out and I want to honor my marriage and my vows not bc of my husband but bc of God. I am trying to do the right thing and not take wrong road. I am mad bc I don't deserve this, I was a good wife and a supportive wife and this is BS. He is out there living and I am struggling to make it through the day. I want to find myself again and be happy like once were. Your words stayed with me all day today. Thank you and pls keep talking to me.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Juliana 
first it was the lady who was rejected after 30 years giving advice to the one who was left alone after 6 months
i can see you didn't have a healthy marriage and i am proud of what you are doing to fill your life
your hurt still fresh 
with time your hurt won't disappear but you will be looking at it from different perspective
keep going don't give up my thoughts and prayer with you
and keep in touch


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Yes keep going Juliana, 

I know you are hurting and every time I log in, I can see it. I totally agree, one starts looking at pain from a different perspective, even if one is hurting. I am starting to feel it this way, sometimes I feel that I am taking 2 steps fwd and 1 step backwards but still I'm still going forward. Remember this, you have to accept what is happening to you and tell to yourself that you cannot do anything or say anything to change his mind. You already did everything you could, life is not fair and I am really sorry that we all have to go through this but sometimes life/god/destiny are also wise and put us in this situation to learn from it and at the end find happiness alone or accompanied. 

At some point, I lived my happiness through my wife, my marriage I forgot who I was and was turning into a person I no longer recognized in the mirror, angry. Try to remember that person that didn't take crap from anybody, remember that girl that was happy at some point in your life and you will be a step closer, that girl didn't need anybody or anything elso to be happy. It is hard sometimes but I am starting to remember what it was like to live without my spouse, I remember what it was like to be happy because I am alive and learning, you have to live your life regardless if you are with or without your husband. 

Be strong, try and let everything in the hands of destiny/god/life, we won't leave you alone. Just keep writing and we will be listening


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

Le vieux sage,

Thank you for all your support. I am trying so hard to keep it together and and not let my pain get the best out of me and hurt my husband back for what he has done to me. I am trying really hard to maitain my integrity. I wont do anything stupid but my frustration, dispair and hurt get the best of me and I write in here when that happens and then I have kind people like you show support and give me advice. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

stbxhmaybe,

I want to see what you see and somedays like you I do take 2 steps foward and then I take 10 steps back. I don't know what to do bc I will be honest I don't want a divorce and I am holding on to God and praying to him to help me wether is to get my marriage back on track or to give the strenght to face whats coming my way. My husband has not filed for divorce and I think is just bc he just doesn't want to be bothered and in a way it doesn't affect him bc none of his friends know at school that he is a married man and he is living the single life so whats the hurry for him to divorce me. You see he has it so easy with no consequences. I want to let go, I want to be happy and you are right I need to remember that girl that didn't take crap from no one, specially someone like my husband. I have a lot to live for and I have a very nice promising carreer and in all this turmoil I forgot about that. Please keep in touch and I also wifh you the best for you, your wife and your marriage. I have to hand this over to God I can't carry it any more.


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

I think your husband is a child. I think lesser of him for not having the b*lls to stand up and tell you what is really going on inside of him. It truly is not fair what he has done to you. You deserve an explanation.

I sort of envy him in a way, though. You see, my husband was very mean to me throughout the 11 years together and almost 10 years we have been married. We have been separated for 9 months now, but have been seeing each other exclusively for almost three months. The trouble is I wanted to do exactly what your husband is doing to you. I wanted to leave and never speak to him again. However, the human, heartfelt, mature side of me could not deal with hurting him. Every time he called, I answered the phone. My husband deserved to be left in the cold, though. Half of the time I am happy we are working on us, but the other half of the time, I feel weak and like I am a sucker. While I try, I do not trust him. Anyway, this post is about you, not me. 

Your husband is a total douche, and does not deserve you in the least. I hope whatever makes you happy is what happens for you. I am not sure that you will truly find happiness with a man was so easily able to abondon you. You have been ABANDONED, my dear. You need to ask yourself if you are able to forgive that. His lack of concern leads me to believe that he is preoccupied, having no time to care for you. It leads me to believe that a gratifying feeling has taken up the time he would ordinarily have to think of you. Hell, you are both in college. You could have shared the experience of feeling young again. You could have found ways to enjoy the college experience together. You could have partied together. Why in the world does nobody in school know that he is married? I am not saying this is the case, but I am inclined to believe that there is another chick in the picture. I am sorry if this hurts you. I am certainly not trying to. I just don't want you to be naive. I just think that there may be more to the situation than you know. 

Although, you don't seem to be looking for any further clues. Maybe, you simply want to deny this as a possibility. Again, you need to ask yourself if you can get past the abandonment, and possibly infidelity. Can you chalk it up to something of a mid-life crisis? Maybe you can.

I don't know, girl. For your sake, I hope that he has just been confused. I hope that there is no other woman in the picture. I hope he comes to his senses and realizes that he can't live without you. I am just not sure this is the case. 

I know that I seem to be expressing mostly negativity in this post. I just can't help being disgusted with the way you have been treated. However, after being abused by my husband for so many years, I loved him so much that I made excuses to anyone who tried to tell me that he was a bad man. Nobody could tell me to leave him. I had to do it in my own time. You are still mourning the loss of him, and you have every right to spend as much time doing so as you wish, including desiring him. 

I promise there is a part of me that can be very positive in times of despair, I just don't like what has been done to you. You are innocent. You loved your husband unconditionally and treated him with respect and devotion. He stomped on that.

If you ever need someone to just vent to, I am here. If you need someone to just listen and not give comment, I can do that to. You can PM me anytime you like.

Good luck, Juliana.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

crisis1008, 
Believe me as hurt as I am I do think there is someone else. I could follow him and stalk him or call, text and do all that non sense but I wont step down to that level. Will he realize what he has done probably not. My hope of him coming back is vey slim. The last 4 months I've gone crazy thinking and thinking and beating myself up and I can't even begin to explain what I feel inside. All I can do is pray and hold on to God and ask him to guide me and console me. May be one day he will realize but when that happens I wont be there any more. Can I forgive him and I can't answere that and shocks me that I can't answer that bc the girl I use to be would never but I married him and for some reason I feel I could but it would take a lot and NO I would not take him back so easily. People at his school don't know he is married bc I don't go there and he never hung out with anyone there and he never mentioned me to them. He has had FB acct for 2 years and I had no idea about it. I can look at it bc the idiot friended a fake profile and to be honest there is nothing there other than him in a video of himself high and stupid pic's of himself high and serving absenthe which is a anti-psychoctic drink( i did my research and I study medicine). He portrays himself as a party, happy go lucky guy and no where in that FB was i mentioned in the 2 years he's had it. He is so immature and selfish is beyond me and there is NOTHING i can do about it. He did Abandone me. I never had any human be so cruel and mean to me like this and I've been through tough break ups before and I've walked away and they came back but I was done and with my husband is different. 
I am sorry about what your husband did to you. They are sociopath's. I really want to focus on me and let him place hate in me or recentment. I want to keep integrity intact and keep my head high. I know what I am and what I am made of and this shall pass. I have to look foward and YES is easier said than done bc as you reak my post I want to just give up but I know something will give. Thank you.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

sorry i am tired and i know i either spelled something wrong or skipped words.


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

Please, do not worry about spelling here. I was a four time state spelling bee champion, but still misspell in this forum. When the thoughts are coming, your hands type too fast to worry about spelling. We all know you are intelligent and completely understand what we are reading.

Believe it, or not, I admire you. Your strength, integrity and knowledge of who you are is something I wish I possessed. I got together with my husband when I was 19 and he was 36. He had years of figuring out who he was and developing his lifetime circle of friends. I did not.  His friends became my friends. My bridal party consisted of two of his closest friends wives, and his oldest daughter. While I do have a few now, I had absolutely no friends then, and most of my current friends were originally his friends.

So here I sit, now 30 yrs old, no children, damaged and teetering between reconciliation and divorce, and I am just now trying to figure out who I am. I was who my husband wanted me to be. 

I love how certain you are of who you are. You are strong. I am certain that if he does comes back around begging for mercy, you will be happy with any decision you make regarding your relationship with him. Your logical mind and level of self-respect will enable you to make a decision that you will not regret. The idea of regret frightens me to no end.

I can see that you will be fine, and will find happiness because you respect and love yourself.

Your husband truly does not deserve such a wonderful, strong, intelligent, confident woman as yourself. Keep your head up, girl. I have no doubt you will come out this a happier, and even stonger person. 

You may always write here or PM me if you need to vent because you are going through a tough time, or just want to talk about your day to someone who will listen.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Yes Juliana, 

We will learn something out of this, just be strong Juliana. I sometimes lose hope but at the same time I remember that because of one reason she has not divorced me and asked me for time. She never treated me like your husband did, neither I did. I mean we had really bad fights and everything but nothing like you are describing. I am really sorry you have been living with a person like that, and I know there were good times as well don't get me wrong. 

For me, it is hard to wait, specially when I don't even know what she is thinking. I am letting go, not contacting her nor trying to be needy because she asked me for time and the best way is to let go with love. She already knows that I am working on myself, she already knows that I still love her and she already knows that I don't want to end our marriage. I am planning to ask her to meet next week to talk about what I have learned for far.

If they were ours they will come back, if it meant to be it will. I am doing everything I can to make a change in my life to help our relationship, I just hope that our marriage is still important to her. If it isn't, I can understand why. She was the more committed one in the past, I wasn't and sadly I came to understand it until I saw her walk away. We were committed 100% but at different times in our relationship, I was at the beginning and she was at the end. That really harmed our marriage because when one was making an effort when the other was not interested. She was the one that was committed at the end, and I guess that's why she decided that enough was enough. 

She is a great woman, she wasn't the best wife like I wasn't the best husband, we were just too immature and not ready for commitment we rushed to get married. It's just hard to believe she would come back to me after having a separation of 4 months in our history, she already did it and we didn't profit from it. Is it possible to open your heart again? would you do it Juliana? 

Still she doesn't want to file, she still wants to wait after everything we have gone through and that gives me hope, that's a good sign i guess.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

stbxhmaybe, 

So this past Sunday was my 4th month of being separated. What makes me take steps back when I feel so good is the fact that he is not seeking a divorce. I sent him a letter 3 wks ago telling that I knew about the drugs and all the other things he thought I didn't know about. It was a nice letter bc I expressed myself well and it came from the heart. I also told him that I understand and accept that it's over but that I will not be filing for divorce and that I was leaving it up to him and still I don't get an answer not even common courtesy. If he walked away then he can finish what he started. I can tell you if it leads that way I wont put up a fight. I am tired and emotionally drained. When I look back and see how he treated me and how I stood by him I find it kind of hard to believe that I stayed. I was NOT perfect and there were many times when I fell out of love or so I thought and it sucked but I always told myself to stay and work on my marriage.
I want to tell you to not give up but you know your situation better than anyone and like you I am starting to give up. I want to start putting myself out there and starting to rebuild my life and without him. I don't need this any more and at the end of the day I am not the one loosing. I know I tried and he just shut me out. I think talking to your wife is a good idea and I say to you don't give until you talk to her and see where she stands and then take it from there. 
I like what you wrote if they are ours they will come back, they know we love them and they know we want to work things out but now is up to them and if its meant to be it will be and all we can do is keep moving forward and better ourselves. May be my husband will be like you one day and want the things you want now from your wife and your marriage but for me that possibility is very slim. 
After all my husband has done I can tell you that YES I would give him another chance but I wouldn't make easy at all. When you really love someone that love does not end over night no matter who they meet or what they do those things are just distractions. I wont let him ruin me or make me change the person I am. I will take whatever I learn from this and move forward and NEVER lower my standards again. 
Juliana


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

crisis1008,

You know why I cry and why this hurts me so much is bc I know what I am and I've got to give and what I was willing to give to this man and he has no idea what he has done. As much as this kills me I will not lower myself to him and I will not chase him. I am letting him have his fun with no interruptions and with no interventions bc he needs to see it himself and life will catch up with him. If his parents don't let him hit the ground and face life than I will. I don't know how or when but life will bring him back to what he has done to me and what I feel now he will feel but it will be worse bc he did this and if he doesn't then that tells me that he has mental issues. 
Thank you for admiring me. He doesn't feel adequate with me and that's why he is hanging out with all these other people bc they make him feel big, I guess? Don't worry about what other people think and do what makes you happy and if you still feel like you can give or want to give your husband a chance then do so. like you I don't want to live with regrets and that's why I tried a couple of times to talk to my husband by email 3x's and 1 mailed letter and got NOTHING! so that tells me a lot.
If my husband doesn't want to see whats in front of him there is nothing I can do about it and YES all this sounds easy to say and it is but there are days where I loose my ctrl and all I do is cry but God is there and he helps make sense of things and gives me comfort and peace. Hey it's 4 months and I am still here. You do need to find who you are I am doing the same thing and you know what I am more outgoing than what I thought I was and very social and not shy at all and I like that. I have discovered how much fun I am and how many people love me and I think I gonna allow new people in my life for fun. (dating) I am determined to build a new life and without him and enjoy myself. He is not thinking about me why should I think about him. As long as I do right by God and myself I think I am okay with that. Tomorrow or in a week I may write that I am upset again but that is the process of the roller coaster I was put in by him and it will go on until it just stops one day.
Juliana


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

JULIANA YOU DESERVE BETTER
My heart is broken for you i am reading all your posts 
why you want to add more suffer to your life
your inner child will grow one day and will be at the same page with your mind
Your mind knows the truth and asking you to leave a person who doesn't deserve you
but your inner child still with the unrealistic image of the love and the happy life that you dreamed of it
One day you will know my sweet Juliana that even if he comes back to you 
you don't want him in your life 
he is not only an immature man
he also emotionally abused you so feel mercy for yourself and move on move on move on my dear Juliana the good thing is you don't have kids to suffer
what do you expect from someone who never respected you by ignoring you as a wife for years in front of his friends
he made you suffer for long time before he left you
A person like you should be honored he should treated you as a queen
please Juliana wake up breath and try more to enjoy your life
it is not easy but you really need to get over this shock you really deserve to have better live


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

Le vieux sage,

How are you? I told you I stay in touch. I like to tell you I am doing a lot better and I see the light now. I am happy that my "husband" is not a part of my life and wont be a part of my life and as much as I didn't want a divorce I know it would be a blessing in my life. I am not saying that it doesn't sting me any more but at the same time I know now what I didn't know then and I've come to terms with myself and I am looking at a brighter, happy future and can't wait to be free from him. 
Since the last time I wrote on this forum I said to myself enough and stopped and started enjoying my life for what it was and is. 
Recently I did something that I am NOT proud of but I don't feel as bad for doing it. I don't know if I ever told you but I was able to see my husband's fb acct for the last 6 months and finally someone slipped and I confirmed what I always knew and he wasn't man enough to tell me. He has been dating a girl from his school and she had NO idea he is married man. You see he NEVER told any of his friends at school that we were married or that I even existed. He only told one person at his school he was married and that was his chem teacher bc he failed his final last year and told him that his "wife" had cheated on him so he would feel sorry for him and let him take the test again. All this set me off and I went all over fb and friend it all his friends and let them know including the girl that I was his wife and that he was a liar. I am not proud of what I did and I am not the type to put my life in the public eye with my real name and pic on it. I like my privacy but I felt so hurt and angry and to find this out pushed me to my limits.
As soon as he saw this instead of saying I am sorry and finally just admitting the truth he threw her in my face but said he never cheated on me and threaten me if I didn't take that info off fb he would divorce me. (Can you believe it.) It took for me to do this to get his attention and to get so many phone calls in a matter of an hr. Before that he could of cared less and since I was affecting his social life it was important he talk to me but this time I was not giving in and not answering the calls. He told me that I was crazy and called me names but Oh well it just didn't affect at all. I knew that by doing this his family would be mad at me and that they would delete me and his friends would do the same also but I just didn't care any more bc now I understand why 2 wks after he left me his mother told me to move on and that is bc she knew of the girl and I was the only idiot who had no idea. What I find interesting and can't understand is that 1 day after he left me I saw his parents and talked to them and his mother cried bc she was so upset and told me that she has no idea how I put up with their son for so long and that I was angel for doing so and that they knew he had issues and anger problems but yet they are mad at me for doing what I did. I mean I know is their son and I never bashed him to her and I never thought for one second that they should pick a side bc that's not they way I think, but for them to think that I am out of line and think that I would just leave things be and allow him to get off that easy after feeling so offended it was not happening.
If he would of ended my misery 6 months ago by telling me the truth no matter how much it hurt it would of never escalated to this and I would of dealt with things quicker and in an amicable manner but he was too much of coward and a boy to handle the issue. I feel like the thought of him revolts my stomach and makes me nauseous. I look at so many things now and see so many things that I didn't see then and it all makes sense and I am happy to know that I am free and that God was watching over me this whole time and God saved from something worse and an unhappy life. I am sure that the girl he is with is nice and she owes me nothing and none of this is her fault but I feel bad for her bc she fell into his hands and she just doesn't know but eventually he will show her his true colors. She is also helping me free myself from a manipulating looser that has nothing and never had anything to offer me. I feel like the a heavy burden has been lifted and I can breath again. 
I feel at peace bc divorce will be a blessing and l get my life back to live it how I want to. I am looking forward to divorce and finishing my career. I am happy I went through this experience bc now I know what is to be married and what is to be divorced and it has made me wiser and stronger. I am finding myself again and learning so much about me. I discovered how great my family and friends are and places like these where you find others that are willing to listen and help you through such a tough and personal time but I also discovered something so much greater and is the best thing I could of found and that is God. I feel so aware of him in my life and I feel him working with me and restoring a new me and I feel so blessed. 
You told me in one of your posts to find "the baby that I was, the toddler, the little girl in her first party frock, the awkward teenager struggling with exams, the young woman pleased to reach her 20s - they're all lined up behind you, saying: "Hey!" They're asking you to turn round, please, and remember them." and I do now and they made me the strong, achieving woman I am today and I will never forget that post. All that I have and will have is bc I earn it alone and not with my husband he never gave me anything and if anything he was just there for the ride and I am happy he will not enjoy the fruits of what has cost me so much sacrifice.
My father asked me a good question: "Stop for a second and ask yourself what are the positives in all this and tell me if you don't think this is for the best?" and there are so many. My husband was toxic in my life and a parasite. I know it sounds like I hate him but I really don't and I still pray to God for him and wish him the best and pray that he finds his way. I pray to God to not allow me to build anger, resentments towards him, his family and friends. I asked God to forgive me and to take over my life and guide me through. I let go. It's time I find my happiness and stop wasting one more day on what if and what could of been! I am so much better than this and better off without him.
Thank you for all the advice and lifting my spirits when I was so down. TTYS


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

WOW you impressed me i am so proud of you for the whole progress that you did 
So proud of you as a human being who knows how to forgive 
So proud of all what you have down and for most finding yourself the true the honest the noble the smart the great the nice the giving the forgiving the kind the gentle the strong the brave........you have so many skills in your personality what makes you more special.
My great Juliana i wish you the best that you ever wished. MMay you always be blessed and happy

I can feel LIFE spreading back through your veins 
my word to you
Live your life to the fullest
Love your life
and laugh be always happy and keep smiling life will smile to you and you deserve it 
I AM PROUD OF YOU!!!!:smthumbup:


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

God bless you too Le vieux sage. Thank you for being proud of me. Like I said it still stings but not in the same way and I know in my heart I tried and God knows the truth and many nights I cried and confesed myself to him and beged for forgiveness and to make me new. I am less and less angry and think of my stbx less now. When I feel like I am getting upset I go back and think of all the negative things he did to me and all the great things coming my way and I smile.
I am not at all affected by the fact that he is with someone bc I know he loves no one but himself and he wants what he wants in the moment and she is what he wants right now. He lied to her from the very begining and she still stays with him then is on her and she will see. I have no doubt about it. I am more sigusted than anything else and eventually all this wont be in my thoughts. I am breaking free from him and a family that one day treated as one of their own and spoke of me giving them grandkids and how much they loved me to one day ignore me and pretend that i was not once a big part of their son's life. I had a relashioship with them and I feel so betrayed bc they knew and said nothing. They saw how I was and didn't tell me nothing and built walls.
IDK but now that i see the lack of commom courtesy I was given by my husband as a wife and human being was disgusting and very hurtful. A part of me wishes him to go through what he put me through but that wont give me back the time I wasted and wont erase what I've been through. I am doing a lot better and and I don't think why me? bc who am I and why am I the exception? I just fell in love with someone cruel and a liar. A boy that can't stand on his own feet and has nothing to offer but all he does and take. 
Thank you and I hope all is good with you and I will stay in touch. I am in no rush to get involve with anyone and I wanna use this time to grow and enjoy myself and I will let you kow of my prigress. May be next time I write it will be to tell you that I am finally divorced. LOL


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

There is a saying (What doesn't kill us turns us to be stronger. i can add wiser)
I can feel how strong and wise you are
But i still suggest if you can see a therapist that will help you more to understand yourself your strength and weakness points, why you fell in him and what how to avoid doing the same mistake with someone else.
Don't wait until being divorced
Keep in touch i am learning to from your experience
Good luck


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Juliana, 

I have read this entire thread and I feel as if I was reading my story through your eyes. I am only speaking emotionally but everything that you went through I am going through. At times I feel sad and then I feel mad, and my head is filled with what if this, what if I would have done differently. For me it has been 47 days and I have only spoken to my H about 3 times, and it didn't go well. He gives me no hope for reconciliation, and he doesnt even attempt to call me or get in touch with me. We were married 5 years 10 months. I too feel like I am now a stranger to him. I sit here and I wallow all while he is going out having a good time with friends, and perhaps he has another woman. It breaks my heart to think so. 

However the only thing that has helped me get through all of this is God. He has given me hope and peace. All I can do now is pray for my H. It still hurts me that my H doesnt want to hear from me or work things out but I am at a better place now. I am with God and he has given me strength and courage to continue. I have no idea what my H is doing or what he is thinking, but I put him in God's hands. I do not want to end my marriage but I know that no matter the outcome God will be with me holding my hand. 

As I read your posts I cried along with you because I knew all too well how you were feeling. And I hope that I can get to a place where you are right now. Keep posting because I would like to know more of your transformation with God. I will pray for you and I know that God has better times for you, you deserve it!


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

To Juliana and PreludeCKN and everyone going through this situation please allow me to copy and past a nice word from a friend (therapist) sent to me 


*About hope, there´s a saying that hope is the last thing that leaves a human being. It´s really natural that you still have some hope for to live together happily forever. We tend to cling to hope and for most parts it do us good, it keeps us moving and having faith, but sometimes our hope gets stuck on things that it would be better if we gave up on. To give up on something that we have wished so much for and put our dreams in to is a very hard thing to do, it takes time. The good thing is that you don´t have to abandon hope in it self, you just have to find the new things to put your hope in, to find whats good for you now. That´s not either an easy thing to do, but it will come lvs, it will come.*

Yes it will come!!!

I wish you the best


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Le vieux sage

I dont know what to hope for anymore. I don't know if I should keep hoping for his return, hope to get rid of these painful feelings or hope that I forget every thing all together. I find myself being more sociable now and I go out and I do forget about the pain and I forget just a bit about him. But at night when I try to go to sleep, he enters my thoughts without warning, and it begins. It doesn't hurt me as much anymore as it used to. I don't feel the huge void anymore and that is all thanks to God. He has filled that void. 

I have read in books that love is not an emotion but a choice. If it was a choice why I can't I easily fall out of love of him just as he did with me? Just like Juliana's husband, my own husband has forgotten the 9 years we have spent together and he treats our relationship as if it never happen and I am now a stranger to him. He doesn't bother to call me all to ask how I am doing, he doesn't seem to care at all. It still breaks my heart. I hope that one day I am in Juliana's shoes and be able to move on freely.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

PreludeCkN, (sorry long post)

I am sorry that you are going through this. I don't wish this type of situation to anyone. In my past posts I know I sound very upset and to be honest it still doesn't describe the pain I felt in my heart. It felt like my stbx punched a hole through my heart and I couldn't mend it. Like you at the beginning I was thinking the same way asking myself what did I do wrong? May be if I would of done things different? what if my values are wrong? are my morals wrong? do I accept pot in my life in order for him to stay? is believing in God wrong? May be I was too boring? I demanded too much? was I not good enough? not pretty enough? etc....He crushed me and I could not believe that this guy had so much power over my emotions and controlled my emotions in such a way. It was hard for to believe it.
I know you guys don't know me but my family and friends always turn to me for advice and support when they have problems and they view me as the strong one and logical one and even he would turn to me for help when he needed it. So to see that he turned me into doubting myself, my values, God??? what is that about!. This guy manage to tare me up and shake my faith and make the strong girl that I am crumble. I fell into such depression that I would ask God to end my pain and I wish to just not breath any more bc I felt like I was just existing and not living. I got angry at God and blamed him when he was just saving me. I felt like my days were a fog and I was looking at myself from a window and couldn't come out of that dark hole he put me in.I know I seem drastic but that is exactly how I felt. 
I can't begin to tell you how much I've cried and the despair I've felt. I went to a psychologist, counselors, pastors, friends, doctors you name it to seek answers that only he could give me but he refused bc he was too much of a coward. So I spent the last 6 months trying to find them and I did. You see I don't have a problem with him leaving me or not loving me any more or that he is with someone else bc deep down in my heart I know I was good and he is NOT worth it but what got me was the way he went about it, how cruel he was to me, the disrespect, the lies, the things he said to me, all that I put up with for him and how I trusted him and he made a fool of me and made me seem like I was crazy and made the last 7 yrs of my life a lie. No one ever thought he do this. There were so many times where I felt like I didn't love him bc of the way he was (no ambition, no motivation, lazy, rude, bad temperament). He take off for days and would not call. The fact that he didn't have a job for such a long time and still has no job (2 yrs) was all very unattractive to me bc I am the complete opposite of him but when I felt like this I would say no I can't walk out on him bc I know how it feels to be hurt and I didn't want to cause him all this pain. I thought well he is a good guy that has issues but we can work them out and I kept hoping. 
I was not perfect by all means. I accept my mistakes and they were my mood and my attitude bc when he piss me off I would yell and tell him exactly how i felt. No I didn't call him names but I would ask him to pls just be a MAN and act like one. He couldn't get past that bc he threw that in my face at the end but he forgets that his actions are what caused me to say these things bc he frustrated me to no end. What I am trying to say is that I don't regret what I said to him in the past but I do regret the way I said them. I lowered my standards to be with him and I really wanted my marriage to work. I took my vows very seriously but he didn't. When I wanted out he didn't let me go and he cry and cry and then tossed me away.
I like to tell you that YES I am doing MUCH better but the disappointment and the hurt is still there but it has lessen a lot. I cried so much that when I get upset tears just don't come out any more. To see how his family turn their back on me and how cold they are makes me think that why would I wanna be a part of family like that. I understand that what I did on FB was so wrong but I was so hurt and so mad that I lost my senses and did that. I wish they could place themselves in my shoes as a human being and then tell me if this is fair. Yesterday I had a great relationship with them and I proof to them how much I love their son and even though we were of different belief's I still wanted to carry on and support their Jewish traditions along with my. In a matter of a couple of months someone else sits in my seat for holiday dinners at their house and they are okay with that? is like to that family I meant **** and I have to say if I would of done to him what he did to me my parents would not have it. They would call me out and ask me to never bring someone in to the house like that and I am their daughter. My parents don't support us when we are wrong and instead teach us to make things right and I like that. His parents pay for everything and still do and he is going to be 29 yrs old and they don't demand anything from him. 
I've done a lot of soul searching, read books, watch Joyce Meyers, go to church, pray every night bc I needed to release all this hurt and anger I felt and still sometimes feel. I am looking forward to finish my career which is very promising and I have a great wonderful family and I sorunded by really good friends that have been there for me since this all started cheering me on, listening and supporting me when I was so devastated. God has and is revving me and filling me with wisdom and strength. I know he hears me and is working in my life. It's only been 47 days for you and is still to soon but you will get through it. Look it took me 6 months to feel better and see the light. I am not saying I am static bc I am not but something in me has changed and is for the better. I am not letting my feelings rule me and take away my happiness and I am following my mind and what God puts in my heart. When I think about it what did I really loose? I mean I did love him and if this wouldn't had happened I still be with him but it would mean that the lies would of continued. 
I was not clingy, not co-dependent, not needy, gave him all the freedom in the world and supported him in his life and all I did wrong was to ask him to grow up and be a man. He threw this girl in my face, called me names and told me that I was messing up his life by making it public that he is a married man and all this is what I needed to know so I could move on and I am going to move on. I determined to rise from this and whatever happens with him is not my problem not do I care. I forgive him for me and my own peace of mind. May be he will come back or may he wont and you know what I hope he doesn't bc he will be in for a surprise. I want to be alone with myself for a while and heal so when I decide to jump into a new relationship I don't bring this baggage with me and NO my stbx did not ruin me as a person. I am willing to trust and love again. This has made stronger, wiser and my skin thicker. I've grown as a person and I am happy with that. 
In the midst of all this deep down in my heart I knew this was not my fault. I've always known who I am, what I am made of and what I want. My goals have not changed and I am still the same ambitious, go getter, hard working independent woman that I was before he came along. He was just a bump in the road. I found God in the middle of all this and I am so happy about that. I feel like my life is changing and that my future, happiness and who I am depends on me and not on any one. I hope that my story helps you to see that even though we wish things were different we do deserve better. I will stay in touch.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I like reading your posts because you always put into words just how I am feeling at the moment. I am very glad that you are in a much better place now than you were six months ago. You seemed like the ideal wife and he still broke your heart. He seemed to have everything and yet he spoiled it because he is still too immature to understand what it is to be a husband to a loving wife like your self. 

In my experience I knew God before I met my husband and yet I turn my back on God and put my H first. The reason why things went wrong was because I was not able to deal with my bitterness, anger, and hate I had towards him for cheating on me when we were bf/gf. I could not get over the fact that he hurt me so much that in turn, I decided to judge him and punish him for hurting me. But who am I do justice? I did not put it into the Lords hands to fix, I did not pray to Him, I did not seek Him, we did not make Him number one in our relationship, and worst of all, I did not tell my husband how amazing is God. I was too busy being angry and bitter that I forgot God. But God loves me too much that he has called me back.

Now I understand what true love is. I am not talking about mine and my H, but that of mine and the Lord's. I have learn that if I don't forgive and love my husband then I do not love God. If I wrong my H in any way, then I have wrong God. I had to humble my self before the Lord and start a new. Until recently I was full of pain and anger towards me and my H. I blamed me for everything that happen and then blamed him for giving up on us. I knew that our relationship for a long time was heading for a wall, and I knew I had to do something about it, yet we did nothing. We didn't know or I didn't know where to start because again, I did not have God in my life. I did not have his guidance. 

I know seek his wisdom and guidance to help me fight for my marriage and I will do so until God tells me that it is not to be. I am also reading books, I just started reading the bible and I am learning so many things that I wished I knew when I was 20 (when I got married). I am still praying for my husband but I know it is not enough. I know that I need to do my part as well. Just how God sent his only Son to die in the cross for our sins, God fought for us and still be turned our back on us. I am learning about love and forgiveness, two things I thought I knew, but never applied. 

If it weren't for God I think I might be dead by now, but God loves me so much that he is not going to give up on me. I feel his presence daily and I feel his peace within me. It still hurts that my husband still treats me as a stranger but now it is up to me to do the righteous thing. I must show my H that God is in my life, I want him to see that I am not hurting over him, that God is my first love and true love. I will never ever put another man, not even my H before God. I don't ever want to go through this pain ever again. 

Like I said before, I hope to be as strong as you are 6 months from now. I only pray that it's for the best. Your H will someday realize his mistakes because living in sin is not easy either. I am sure he is being tormented. I pray that one day he will see his mistake and confess them to God. I will pray for him and for you as well. Peace be with you always.


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## pioneer (May 28, 2010)

Juliana,

I could almost word for word write your first posts.

My wife just left just over a month ago. The hurt is so deep, so painful, so crushing.

Even though we talk and text, I still don't know the real reason why she left. She says that there are so many painful memories in our house.

I want to note that I never abused her in any way, cheated, ran around, went to bars, got drunk, did drugs. I absolutely worshipped her and the ground that she walks on.

Her son has been in legal trouble for 5 years and is currently in a home for the youth.

She has multiple arrests for DUI and was wanted by the state police for a hit and run just shy of three years ago.... Even through all that crap, I stood by her. Protected her, loved her, made everything alright.

We completely redid our house to make it new, so we would have a new beginning. That lasted a year. 

I've even offered to put our house on the market, buy another and start fresh in a new house to make new happy memories. She is not sure what she wants to do.

I keep asking myself what did I do to deserve this? What could I have changed so that we would still be together.

My heart pounds in my chest all the time. I can't eat (lost 20 pounds in a month), can't sleep, can barely function at work. 

I'm so lost, so alone and so scared.

How can she just throw me away? 12 years of marriage, gone in an instant. I had no idea that this was going to happen. I went to work one morning, we kissed each other that morning and then she was gone that afternoon.

Not bragging, but I have been told that I am a prize catch.

I'm faithful, loving, attentive, have a excellent career. I always put family first. That's my belief. You always take care of your family. You always love and protect your family.

Just last week, she broke into a bank account that was in my and my mother's name and transferred 5k out of that acct and into our joint acct, then went and withdrew that money out of our joint acct.

I don't know what to do about any of this. 

I have never been the religious type, and now I'm asking God, how could he allow this to happen to me, when I was the good guy.

Sorry to hijack your thread. This just came out and I couldn't stop.....

Best wishes to you and I hope that you finally get the happiness that you deserve.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Pioneer God didn't do this to you to me to Juliana to any of us. We sadly did this to ourselves either by hurting our SO or not meeting their needs in the way they wanted us to be. Please go to the page I will be posting and perhaps some of your questions might be answer when it comes to God and marriage. 

GOD Can Restore Your Marriage! - Home

Let me know if anything works out for you. Peace be with you.


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## juliana (Mar 5, 2010)

PreludeCkN and pioneer,

Sorry I took so long to respond. I hope that both of you are in a better emotional state. 

PreludeCkN,

I love your last post to me. I also knew God before my H but like you I didn't make him first in my life. I gave my H a position that was not his but God's. I am happy that you are seeking him and that he has and is giving you the peace that you need right now bc the pain is too raw and too real. Like you I did the right things and that was to give my H the space he need it, the time and I respected his decision with the hope that he would realize and miss me and come back. I completely backed off and let him be bc I knew that I couldn't react in a erratic manner or act clingy even though I wanted to get even and make him feel what he did to me.
After 2 moths or so I went back to church and have been praying ever since and trying to do right thing and waiting and giving my H the "time" he needed or finally finding out what I already knew but needed to confirm. In the matter of 6 months I wrote him three times and text him once and still NO answers, not even common courtesy. I spoke to my pastor bc I wanted to handle this in a Godly manner and I did. I waited and gave him the time and the opportunity to either come back or tell me the truth and he did neither. Once I found the answers something in me changed and I was no longer as upset or as hurt. It was like I was released and felt a whole lot better. 
I know your situation is pretty new but I can tell you that God is there with you and he will heal you and make sense of your situation. I hope that your marriage is restored and that you can start new. If your H doesn't come back you still have to forgive him and do it for God and for you. Don't let this make you bitter and full of negative feelings bc at the end of the day is wrong in God's eyes and your H is not the one feeling all the anger etc. Make this a new beginning for yourself. Do things you always wanted to do.
I must tell you that I am enjoying life to the fullest right now. I go out when I want and do what I want. I am happier than ever before. My friends and family notice how different I am since he left. I am finding out how funny, outgoing, pretty, talkative I am. Pls don't think I am full of myself. LOL but I feel like I can be me and when I was with him I was not as open and comfortable and out going as I am finding out I am. I am meeting tons of new ppl, going to so many new places and living my life the way I've always wanted to. With my H I couldn't do any of this things bc he would get jealous if I talked to much to ppl, he hated doing the things I like to do so I gave them up. I am loving single life and I am focused on me.
Yesterday my H sent me a text asking me for his mail and I told him I had nothing and to pls change his address and he told me he already did and I told him that was good and to pls erase my number. I just don't care any more bc in my heart I know I tried and did everything I could, so I have no regrets bc God knows I tried. Thank you for praying for me and him. I will also pray for both of you and hang in there bc we both have something so much greater and that is God.:smthumbup: 

pioneer,

I am sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I want to tell you that this even though is so unfair is not your fault. Your wife obviously has major issues and is a self destructive mode and is tearing your heart. I feel your pain but you like me ended up giving yourself to someone that only thinks about herself and not both of you. I know you love her and you want to make things right but ask yourself if you want to waste more time on someone that has brought so many bad things into your life and is so ungrateful for being not only a good person but a great H. 
I know how easy it is to blame God for the bad things we go through but that is wrong. God didn't do this to you. Your wife did this to you. God is a God of marriage and is against what your wife is doing but he gave us free will and your wife's will is to leave you, hurt you and continue to be a destructive person. I am sorry if I am blunt but that is the truth and I know this bc I did a lot of soul searching and read books. I use to tell myself I did nothing wrong for my husband to do this to me and you know what? I was wrong. My mistake in my marriage was that I lived hoping that my H would change and that tomorrow would be better and living in future plans and not living in the present and reality of who my H was. I gave him a place in my life that wasn't his. I mean I think I did what I thought was the right thing to do for the sake of the marriage and bc I loved him but it was not enough. 
I had to learn to accept my H decision and ask God to forgive me and help me forgive my H and to make me a new person. I am sure your wife at some point in time was a great wife and she is a good person but she is making really bad mistakes and is hurting you by doing so. You need to pray/talk to God and let him lead you and comfort your heart. Is not about being religious but having a relationship with him. God is there waiting and is up to you to let him in your life or not. I can tell you that I am surrounded by my family and friends and so many great ppl that were there to listen to me and give advice but no one could me the peace that I needed and when I went back to God he gave that peace that I so needed and so much more. I was existing and God brought life back to me. 
When he left me I wanted to die. I wanted to end the pain. The depression I felt was such that I would shake of fear and the anxiety was really bad. I had days that I felt like I was in a fog and didn't know how I got from one day to the next. When I look back at where was scares me bc it was that terrible but God gave me the will and strength and here I am. Don't get me wrong I still feel hurt but things are different now. I am happier and feel at peace with myself. You like me just got married to the wrong ppl and nothing in this life is guaranteed. Like I read on book: God never said that life is just but that he is just. 
I hope that you are feeling better today and that things are better for you in the future. I will pray for you and hope that your heart heals and that your wife can realize the good H and person you are.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Hey Juliana, I hope that all is well with you. I was just wondering how you were doing since it has been more than 6 months since we last wrote to each other. I hope that you finally have that peace with you and your husband. 

I don't remember were we left off. But I have been seeing my husband for the past couple of months almost once a week. Except recently since I haven't seen him since Dec 7, and I got a text from him on the 25th wishing me a merry christmas. He calls me, I never call him. Just because I am afraid of being too clingy. 

Things are still the same though. He still tells me that he would rather be just friends. I have asked him 2x if he wants a divorce and he told me yes. But 8 months after our divorce he hasn't done anything. I am still a firm believer in God and I pray everyday for his salvation. I still love him, miss him, and he still makes me sad. But I turn to God for comfort. I will continue to wait for him until God tells me otherwise. 

How are you doing? What's new with you? How are things with you and your husband? I hope you both are doing good. 

Pioneer: if you get this and read this, I hope you are doing well, and I hope to hear an update from you as well. 

Many blessings!


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