# Death of ex in-law - how to handle?



## cowboyreggie (Jun 1, 2014)

I found out today from my XW that her 60 year old dad recently died. I was texting her about some divorce paperwork we need to wrap up (title transfers, money she owes me, etc) and she broke the news to me. 

I wasn't close with her dad and she wasn't either, until very recently (last few years). He wasn't around for much of my XW's life and only recently made an effort to be in her life.

Anyways, he was found dead unexpectedly recently. 

My XW and I were divorced about 6 months ago. It is not something I wanted. I wanted to work on the marriage, she didn't. She had an affair, filed for D and never looked back. We don't talk, no kids, have basically no contact. 

Regarding her dad's passing, I want to do the right thing. I feel as though I should say or do something. I've already told her via text that I was sorry for her loss and I asked if she was ok. She responded that she's not ok yet because the death was so unexpected and that she's stressed trying to deal with cremations and memorials, etc. I was thinking about responding with a simple "Let me know if you need anything". What is appropriate here?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

She is an ex. Appropriate would be condolences to the FIL spouse. 

You have said more than enough to you ex.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

A card to your xw/xmil with a personal inscription of your condolences 

And first class postage goes down this weekend to .47 I believe, your not a monster after all


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

cowboyreggie said:


> I found out today from my XW that her 60 year old dad recently died. I was texting her about some divorce paperwork we need to wrap up (title transfers, money she owes me, etc) and she broke the news to me.
> 
> I wasn't close with her dad and she wasn't either, until very recently (last few years). He wasn't around for much of my XW's life and only recently made an effort to be in her life.
> 
> ...


Short note....that is all you want. She wanted the divorce- don't cloud the situation.


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

cowboyreggie said:


> I found out today from my XW that her 60 year old dad recently died. I was texting her about some divorce paperwork we need to wrap up (title transfers, money she owes me, etc) and she broke the news to me.
> 
> I wasn't close with her dad and she wasn't either, until very recently (last few years). He wasn't around for much of my XW's life and only recently made an effort to be in her life.
> 
> ...


It wasn't inappropriate, no. It isn't a bad thing to show compassion to another human being that has lost a relative. You did just fine.

Your situation sounds a lot like mine; PA, wanted to work on things, she filed, D, No looking back. Hang in there.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

A condolences card would be more than appropriate.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Handle it with a similar amount of connection to what you currently have. So if you are not on decent terms there is no need to go further than a card or words of condolence.

In my situation ex and I have supported each other through 3 of our parents deaths since our divorce, two of the funerals were overseas and we flew over as a family with our kids. But we have a very amicable post divorce life, we still care about each other and the support of each other and our kids was appropriate.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I would have sent a card except ex and I aren't on good terms. However, my daughter attended the service and I sent an arrangement and on the card with the flowers listed myself, my mother and sister. We all cared about her and wanted to acknowledge her passing somehow in an appropriate way. 

So I'd say send an arrangement/plant to the funeral/memorial service or make a donation to a charity since a lot do that. Do not attend any service - it will detract from the reason people are there. If you have children they should go if old enough.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

She is not coming back..... Send a card.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Send a card to the widow or flowers to the funeral home (or donation to listed charity in lieu of flowers if that is what the family wishes).

I agree with others on not attending, or communicating with the ex on it.


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