# The pain of being rejected.



## Jeconiah Mandikomberedza (10 mo ago)

It is mind boggling that at first we had a very romantic and happy relationship. It all started when she fell pregnant, she hated sex to the core. No matter how much sweet and fun I tried to be she at last rejected my feelings and 3 years after giving birth the problem is persistent. Foreplay isn't accepted anymore, attempts to play with her clits gets rejected, fondling her boobs is bad am not allowed to do it. Kissing only happens once in a blue moon when she is the one doing it if I try to I know it's a waste of time. She complains if ever I try to do anything that leads to sex. Well I believe my drive is high and hers is too low however no matter how much I try to calmly engage on the same issue she becomes so defensive. I feel less comfortable, am losing confidence, it seems am no longer needed as I used to be. I feel uncomfortable forcing myself on her. Please help, I love her but because of the same issue I am heartbroken especially whenever I feel like wanting sex. I am even developing negative feelings towards women. Please help answer these questions.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Jeconiah Mandikomberedza said:


> It is mind boggling that at first we had a very romantic and happy relationship. It all started when she fell pregnant, she hated sex to the core. No matter how much sweet and fun I tried to be she at last rejected my feelings and 3 years after giving birth the problem is persistent. Foreplay isn't accepted anymore, attempts to play with her clits gets rejected, fondling her boobs is bad am not allowed to do it. Kissing only happens once in a blue moon when she is the one doing it if I try to I know it's a waste of time. She complains if ever I try to do anything that leads to sex. Well I believe my drive is high and hers is too low however no matter how much I try to calmly engage on the same issue she becomes so defensive. I feel less comfortable, am losing confidence, it seems am no longer needed as I used to be. I feel uncomfortable forcing myself on her. Please help, I love her but because of the same issue I am heartbroken especially whenever I feel like wanting sex. I am even developing negative feelings towards women. Please help answer these questions.


I would suggest she get a full exam including blood work to rule out a hormonal imbalance since this happened in conjunction with her pregnancy.

You both might need some counseling to help restore a healthy atmosphere and better communication.

The biggest problem will be her willingness to work with you on your marriage.

If she isn't going to put effort into working with you, then there isn't a lot of hope. You can start putting her priorities lower and pursuing more of your own interests, basically a modified 180. Or you can let her know her behavior and unwillingness to work on it are a deal breaker for you and if not remedied, it will destroy your marriage.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Jeconiah Mandikomberedza said:


> I feel uncomfortable forcing myself on her.


Um... I hope so. I hope this just means you don't want to seem pushy....


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jeconiah Mandikomberedza said:


> It all started when she fell pregnant, she hated sex to the core.


Maybe she wanted a child and now that has happened she has no further need of you.

Anyway, if she hates sex (who knows why?) and you don't that is a gulf that can't be bridged. You just need to decide what you are willing to do about it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Is she using birth control? Because it sounds like a baby is what she does not want. Are you some culture that doesn't allow birth control or something like that? If not, then I'm just thinking she's either not very sexual or just not attracted to you in that way. Sorry. But either way, this doesn't sound like a good union and you should get out.


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## Jeconiah Mandikomberedza (10 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Is she using birth control? Because it sounds like a baby is what she does not want. Are you some culture that doesn't allow birth control or softmething like that? If not, then I'm just thinking she's either not very sexual or just not attracted to you in that way. Sorry. But either way, this doesn't sound like a good union and you should get out.


She is using contraceptives and am 100% sure that the issue of a baby is not immediate as I too am no interested in having another baby any time soon.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Birth control can wreck a woman’s libido.


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## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

As many have mentioned, you need to get her tested, hormonal imbalances can lead to such issues.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Jeconiah Mandikomberedza said:


> _*She is using contraceptives and am 100% sure that the issue of a baby is not immediate as I too am no interested in having another baby any time soon.*_


Good.

So wear a condom, then. You're not screwing with your HEALTH using a condom - she's screwing with her health taking contraceptive pills or shots or whatever.

Time to take some responsibility.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Good.
> 
> So wear a condom, then. You're not screwing with your HEALTH using a condom - she's screwing with her health taking contraceptive pills or shots or whatever.
> 
> Time to take some responsibility.


Yes...BC pills are too damn risky, and the side effects are certainly, problem laden

...........................................................
-OR-

One, or both of them, getting themselves snipped, trussed, made sterile.
Creating that sexual ease and trust, while thrusting.

Neither gender procedure affects one's hormones, libido, or sexual response.
The long term health effects of snipping and tying (for both sexes) are said to be safe.

The male procedure is the easier done.

Just make sure neither party desires more children.

If both are hesitant to go this route, I (too) would first recommend using condoms for a year to see if the birth control pills are the libido killer and not some other issue.

The easiest answer is often the first rejected.
And, often dismissed for emotional reasons (and not logical).

_Society-at-large _very often steers its citizens away from good living practices.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Just make sure neither party desires more children.


Fwiw, when I got snipped decades ago, the doctor told me that restoring connection from vasectomy was very feasible. In fact, he cut a gap to prevent the connection from regrowing on its own. So I assume that would be even more possible today. 

Procedure much easier than a woman having tubal ligation.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

These types of posts from people are important to those of us who are at fault in our marriages and don't understand what rejection is like.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Jeconiah Mandikomberedza said:


> It is mind boggling that at first we had a very romantic and happy relationship. It all started when she fell pregnant, she hated sex to the core. No matter how much sweet and fun I tried to be she at last rejected my feelings and 3 years after giving birth the problem is persistent. Foreplay isn't accepted anymore, attempts to play with her clits gets rejected, fondling her boobs is bad am not allowed to do it. Kissing only happens once in a blue moon when she is the one doing it if I try to I know it's a waste of time. She complains if ever I try to do anything that leads to sex. Well I believe my drive is high and hers is too low however no matter how much I try to calmly engage on the same issue she becomes so defensive. I feel less comfortable, am losing confidence, it seems am no longer needed as I used to be. I feel uncomfortable forcing myself on her. Please help, I love her but because of the same issue I am heartbroken especially whenever I feel like wanting sex. I am even developing negative feelings towards women. Please help answer these questions.


She's got to go. I mean really. Reading g what you've posted is enough.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

She has decided for you that you shall be celibate. Accept it or leave.

If she is on birth control but not having sex with you, are you sure she isn't having it with someone else?


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Mr B said:


> These types of posts from people are important to those of us who are at fault in our marriages and don't understand what rejection is like.


Not picking on you, because I appreciate that you are trying to see the other side. Just wondering how you don't know what rejection is like. Haven't you ever been rejected?

Keep reading on here (tons of threads) and you'll see it is soul-crushing and over time takes a real toll. When it's consistent and continuous it is so painful that it does serious damage to the rejected person's self-esteem and trust.

If you are the withholding person, you might want to work on that. The other person is most likely to leave eventually if there is no effort on your part, and a sexless marriage is grounds for divorce.


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