# Got a question or two..



## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

Without going into great detail I do want to begin by saying, I am in a sexless marriage. 

My question to anyone is--

Have you ever experienced a time in your marriage when there was absolutely no physical or sexual attraction to your mate- For a long period of time? The lack of attraction is my problem, not so much having a sexless marriage, if that make any sense. I have no personal challenges orgasmic-ally speaking. I experience NO attraction towards my husband other than friendship attraction. 

If you've experienced anything like me, how did you rekindle the attraction? I guess it helps if one really wants to. I am not 100% in the want-to stage yet. I know I know.. The want to has to be the first step, so.. Give me some baby steps. Remember, babies are not to be stomped on.  I am fragile or frigid? :scratchhead:


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

You said it yourself. If you don't want to, it's not going to work. You need to come to that 100% -either to want to or to not want to- and go from there. I'd advise making a quick decision, it's not healthy to be in a sexless relationship for either of you.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

I know.  I don't want to resort to faking, but may have to begin there.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You want to want him? Or you don't want him and are pretty sure you don't want to want him?

In case you want to want him...

Yes, I was in your shoes for a few years. I had a couple of things happen in the same time period so that kind of helped things along.

First, you need to recognize that attraction toward your husband isn't automatically going to alway be there. Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt. Sometimes routine and predictability are the real culprits.

Spice yourself up and work on spicing up your husband. Update your look and update his. If he doesn't work out, try to get him to.

Find your sex drive! This is a huge step. You can't ask your husband to do all the work to react tract you to him. If you can find your sex drive your results will come much quicker and be much better.

How to find your sex drive... Think about sex, read about sex, look at sex. Keep sex on the brain! 

Take sex out of the bedroom! Try to have sex in different places, talk and share your sexual fantasies. Start with the tame ones and work your way up to the crazy ones.

I'll post more later, I have for to get some sleep!


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

I read every response and will return shortly to respond. I appreciate everyone's input, I am not kidding. I looked down at my toes and found none had been stomped on, but responses directed to the heart, kindly and very straightforward.. I do like that.

I am going for a walk and will return here shortly. While walking I will ponder all that's been written.

In the meantime.. Enjoy your morning. Mine is mostly cloudy, but where the clouds are broken, there's light!


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## Wasted_Potential (Apr 21, 2014)

My post in this forum is basically the same. I work with a lot of women and can easily envisage sexual acts with all of them. My issue is that life seems to have gotten in the way of my relationship and by life s mean everything.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I was on the receiving end of that... probably for 10 years, no sex for two. But then again, there wasn't even the "friendship attraction".

I had an affair, it blew up, therapy, counseling and finally pulling divorce papers. When my wife said she didn't want a divorce I insisted that we go back to marriage counseling (she had been refusing to go) and that intimacy had to return to the marriage. Otherwise it would only be a roommate situation.

We worked it out and have a decent sex life now, as well as a deep friendship.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

I thought about everyone's response and came up with the following.. 

I will consider spicing up romantically in various ways.. From appearance, sensually suggestive body & tongue language (talks), outings, but most of all try connecting the main dot to all the above, my mind. 

My want to is broken. I will be very honest about that. Most of the reasons why are not within my husband's control. There are chronic physical and moderate mental challenges going on, and yes to MrAvg. There are unattractive hurdles I need to master jumping over that hinder my sexual interest. 

If anyone is curious in knowing.. My husband is not impotent, so that is not our marriage's problem. I am.  I don't want to sound so shallow, but I guess I am. I am not used to the dramatic physical change (or mental) that has reshaped my husband.

Someone asked if I lacked being attracted to men in general. At one time in my life I had the problem, generally speaking, of not being sexually/sensual attracted to men due to past negative experiences, but I have since experienced male attraction. I do want to "find" my sex drive for my husband, because I really don't lack the drive for sexual intimate actions, if that makes any sense. Sigh-

Lovemaking seems so faraway, but having "sex" for now, can be my baby steps towards loving the mingled sex. 

Here are the things I love about my husband. He is a great friend and will do anything within his power for me. I know he loves me now, (at one time neither of us loved the other in a romantic kind of way) and that's nice knowing. He is a great provider and absolutely love love love his children and loved his Mom to smithereens while she lived and treated her extremely well. I find both very attractive in men, period.  And a hard working man is surely a plus in a woman's life. Something I can boast about concerning my husband.

So. There are attractive traits I still recognize and in my heart applause, but there's this great big void, still. But to the person who asked, "Do I want to or don't I want to want my husband?" I do, but I don't. In time I believe I can want him again. I will begin by "having sex" and anticipate the act evolving into loving and wanting to want my husband again, sexually. 

I chuckled when someone suggested I think and look at sex so I can find my sex drive. Trust me, my sexual drive is very much intact. That's the darn problem.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I have experienced this over time. She has put on weight over time and her personality and attitude has also deteriorated. It's all added up to me just not wanted to be with her at all. This would probably change if she would act interested but after year after year of being rejected I don't f'ucking bother anymore. I see all the ideas that others have posted but that only works if you have two willing partners. Sex always seems to be in the women's court. If they want to have it, then you do, otherwise you don't and there's really nothing you can do about it.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

Oh, jb, I am so sorry to hear what you just said. You are so right, there must be willingness on both parties, but try not to give up. 

There's so much I haven't shared concerning my marriage that would be risky to reveal, so I refrain. I don't mean to play sexual games of withholding sex from my husband. My husband is, to a degree mentally impaired and I find it difficult to relate sexually. It is so tough dealing with an adolescent mindset sexually.. I don't mean to be mean.. I really don't, and when our marriage was sexually active I was 100% involved.

My husband's personality has deteriorated too, but the attitude is still okay.. For some reason his condition causes him to talk unceasingly!!!! That can drive me crazy to the tune of avoidance. 

My husband is just now awakening to sexual interest after many many many years of dormancy. I guess it may be one of the main reasons I am in need of readjusting my sensuality interest towards him-- After so many years of the sleeping giant within me having slept all these years? I don't know.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Hart,
About how old/long have you been married?

If he is still a good provider, has his chronic talking hurt him at work?

I want you to let yourself off the hook: chronic unwanted talking from a spouse can be emotionally draining. And it can be a HUGE desire suppressor. It can feel like forced closeness - and after a period of forced closeness the LAST thing you want is the physical closeness of sex. 

If that is as true for you as it is for most folks, I have a suggestion. Find a way to schedule your sex nights in such a way that you are not in the same space (room, house, etc..) for a few hours leading up to sex. Come home and jump straight into either the shower then bed, or lingerie and then bed. And it is OK to gently put your finger to his lips during sex if his talking is reducing your enjoyment. Any man will respond well to: I want to focus on your body and it's easier to do that if we aren't talking during sex......

Sounds like he has gotten seriously fat. Ugh. That sux. And worse sounds like he has some physical health issue which makes losing weight difficult for him. 

The only thing I'll say about this is that most disease benefit from mild to moderate exercise and a healthy diet. Walking might hurt a bit in the moment if he has joint pain, but overall it reduces pain. 

This last bit is a gray zone suggestion. If you have no substance abuse issues:
- Being apart for a few hours prior to sex (to avoid being smothered by his talking) and
- Having a moderate amount of alcohol (2-3 drinks)

May help you get yourself in the mood. 

You sound like a very good wife dealing with a difficult issue. 




hartvalve said:


> I thought about everyone's response and came up with the following..
> 
> I will consider spicing up romantically in various ways.. From appearance, sensually suggestive body & tongue language (talks), outings, but most of all try connecting the main dot to all the above, my mind.
> 
> ...


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

MEM11363 said:


> Hart,
> *I want you to let yourself off the hook: chronic unwanted talking from a spouse can be emotionally draining. And it can be a HUGE desire suppressor.  It can feel like forced closeness - and after a period of forced closeness the LAST thing you want is the physical closeness of sex.*


The above is both encouraging and revelation (forced closeness) to me. 

Let me think for a night on how I want to respond to the rest of your comments. I appreciate them.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

Good morning, MEM 

I thought about all you asked and commented concerning my challenges.. 

First off, I've been married for quite a number of years, since I was 18 actually. I've always told others I married at 19, but over night realized I married five months before my 19th birthday. Wow, I thought, I know sooo much more about me and marriage now, as I should.

My husband is disabled and have not worked for over a decade. His provision comes from his prior employment. The unrelenting talking is post surgery and was never a problem with him before that time. I do leave the rooms we jointly occupy throughout the day just so I can hear myself think.  I didn't realize the constant talking helped suppress my desire to engage in sex with my husband.. Interesting. And true. 

By the way, my husband has never really been a talker during sex before he became disabled. I would not of minded sensual talk during intimacy. The OCD came after surgery like I mentioned above.

Your suggestions leading the way to a sexual encounter seems practical and may work. I have to be honest though, I am not fond of being on a sex schedule, but I may have to try something new like, mark my calendar for the occasion.  As far as sipping a little wine to help the sex mood swing in my direction- I doubt if that would work for me. If anything, I would be out like a light after the first taste if I tried that method. Me and alcohol don't mix very well. I can certainly do the room divider suggestion pre-sex. That I can easily do.

I do think about engaging in sex with my husband, but the visuals disturb me. I am sure I am not all that visual stimulating either. Go figure. I'll keep my eyes closed.  I will try, in any case, to connect my mind to any action I pursue sexually.. It is tough. 

Now I come to my age. It doesn't matter. I will say the following as follow up to something I said earlier. In my younger years sex was so unfulfilled.. In and out and up and down and a roll over left me wondering if that was all there was to it. With age I've learned through research so much concerning sex & intimacy and believe it or not, I've even composed micro mini managing sex manuals that were all about enjoying sex to the fullest-- But with the mind fully connected to the act. Only thing-- I can't seem to apply the ins and outs of the manual to my own dilemma. :scratchhead: 

I know how to make love according to what I've learned. I just don't know how to connect my heart with the action.  I get literally sick if my heart is not connected to the sexual act. I mean literally sick as in upchucking. And who wants to have sex after that? Not me. Trust me, I am old enough to really know how to enjoy sex and always wanted to please my husband in every way sexually. To the point where some would tag me perverted if I dare reveal our actions together. The sky was really the limit with us at one time in our sex chambers. 

I won't give up.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

hartvalve said:


> Oh, jb, I am so sorry to hear what you just said. You are so right, there must be willingness on both parties, but try not to give up.
> 
> My husband's personality has deteriorated too, but the attitude is still okay.. For some reason his condition causes him to talk unceasingly!!!! That can drive me crazy to the tune of avoidance.
> 
> My husband is just now awakening to sexual interest after many many many years of dormancy. I guess it may be one of the main reasons I am in need of readjusting my sensuality interest towards him-- After so many years of the sleeping giant within me having slept all these years? I don't know.


Hartvalve - I'm so glad that you wrote this and it really helps to know that someone else went through this to. It's so hard to fight this sexual dormancy and in many ways my wife is like your husband in being very asexual. I don't know how much more I can go on like this.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

We know your husband is disabled and he talks a lot - especially during sex I assume as well as away from it?

Is his disability a significant hurdle for you sexually or is it the results of the surgery, i.e. weight gain due to having to be immobile for example? The more details you can provide, the better people can help you. This is an anonymous forum, and with you being older (my assumption) I doubt your friends and family who are of similar ages are going to find you on TAM. Not to say we don't have older posters on TAM, but more likely the vast majority of internet users aren't coming to relationship forums in droves.

If the majority of the issue is the insecurity due to talking, then I can relate. My wife and I have a healthy sex life, but on more than one occasion I have killed the mood for her by talking too much during sex. Sometimes when the feedback is not obvious, I'll ask her about how it feels. It's a mood killer. It's something I need to work on. Maybe that's much of the problem you are experiencing.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

As I have mentioned before I think both me and my wife are both going through this. Because of her attitude and indifference toward me and her putting on a lot of weight I really am not attracted to her. I have kept weight off and actually lost weight and still play sports. I'm also wondering what to do, If this keeps happening I'm worried it will kill our marriage.


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## seahorse (Apr 10, 2010)

I've had this problem in my marriage for a long time. If I'm being honest, we both gave up years ago. Coerced sex was always awkward and never capable of strengthening desire anyway. 

Good luck!

-seahorse


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## onedge (Nov 27, 2013)

I went through many times in our marriage I was not attracted to my husband and the thought of sex put my stomach in knots. My husband suffers ED/Low T and who knows what else anymore. 

When these problems began 14 years ago, all the attention during sex was on husband's ED. I was lucky to get 5 minutes of foreplay out of an hour and half long session. I was getting zero satisfaction and eventually found it completely boring. I certainly had doubt that in spite of husband asking why that he really didn't want to know because he did little to fix it.

Additionally, he wasn't doing much outside the bedroom to rectify the situation. I was handling almost ALL the family responsibilities, ALL the household chores, almost ALL the home repairs, almost all the parenting, plus a full time job that required an hour commute each way. The only responsibility he had was going to work, dropping the daughter off at daycare (I picked up), and sharing yardwork every couple weeks. Yes, I did start keeping score subconsciously. Doesn't matter if it was right or wrong because when things are drastically out of balance for too long it is going to happen. Telling him what I needed wasn't going to fix it if he wasn't going to act on it. This definitely lead to not being attracted to hubby. He was a good guy, arguments were minimal so the marriage ended in more of a flatline than hate.

I never turned him down but would just put in play situations that kept him from pursuing. This would last months. He would eventually do something that I couldn't get out of like a weekend away or a weekend alone at home. I would have major anxiety about restarting intimacy. He would do all the right things and I would eventually relax. I would tell him that I needed to not feel used and resentful. He will make the effort but eventually the ED would take center stage again. Why ask me to open up if you weren't going to give but a few weeks of effort? Strangely my interest in sex didn't flatline just my interest in people. I am actually pretty HD and preferred to handle things myself because I could trust that. 

Last Spring, I had just lost about 30 lbs and getting compliments. He decided he wanted to join me on diet/exercise too. He lost about 25 lbs. One morning, he woke up with a pretty good erection and feeling pretty horny. A situation that hadn't happened in a very long time. He had reached over to me and things were getting frisky. Suddenly we hear a voice in the room saying "I am right here." Neither one of us had realized our 15 yr old daughter had snuck in during the night and was sleeping on the floor. I just gave a little laugh and got up. As I was walking down the hallway, I heard her go into a tantrum and yelling at my husband. I walked back and told her to get over it and if she doesn't like it then stay out of our room. Needless to say that was the end to intimacy for 5 months. I was so hurt that husband chose daughter's reaction over our sex life. 

I initiated intimacy back this last Thanksgiving and still get too many moments I feel the dissatisfaction creeping back in. In the past, we have had many many conversations about him not following through and how it makes me feel but nothing changes. Friday, I laid it all out and told him that I don't trust him. I could either make him feel good and say I trust you to hold up your end and secretly wait for the other shoe to drop or be 100% honest.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

Very interesting accounts of our dilemmas with intimacy and sex I see.. I have nothing new to report other than I considered taking some of the advice given here.. 

*Plan 9 from OS*- My husband never really talked "much" during our sexual encounters. His persistent talking came after his surgeries, but not ever during sex before or after surgeries. I totally agree with your comment concerning questioning your mate, asking how does this or that feel during sex. It is a deal breaker and can ruin the drive. 

Funny how you mentioned "older" married ones are less inclined to visit these kinds of sites and talk about their sex lives (or lack of one). I had to smile, because I believe it is quite true. In many streams of life, anyone over forty years old found talking about sex is seen as perverted. I find that odd because there is nothing wrong with married folks doing IT.  

The hurdle, (literally) I am in dilemma with is the massive weight gain of my spouse. I know I know I know, there are other ways to please our spouses other than plugging into each other, but my hurdle is still the same for me personally.. The weight gain is very significant therefore sexual attraction is just not there. I can't even fake it. 

*seahorse*. Coerced sex does not work for me either. I don't care how sweet the obvious intentions are leading up to the act itself. I believe when hearts are knitted together sexually in the first place, seconds will follow. You just get that plain 'ole feeling like "Let's do it again!" Even if the last time done was a month ago. Regular sex does not equate to intimacy in my book. We all read differently, but I cannot be paged flipped into a pattern of Monday Tuesday and Thursday we are going to have sex. For some that rolls well for them. Not me. If I look over at a field on a sunny or a cloudy day and feel like just having sex in the field, so be it. 

Oh, I could go on and on-- I enjoyed the sensual art acts leading up to sexual encounters very much so and it is why I am here I guess. I miss them. Sexual intimacy is one big part of the whole of marriage. Marriage is a huge undertaking.. All parts of marriage are huge in my opinion, not just the sex. Ironically too.. I believe a couple can have a *super *solid relationship without sex being part of the union! Of course, it must be a mutual agreement between the two. For many years sexual intimacy wasn't even on the table to be reckoned with in my life- Now it is. 

*Onedge*.. Sorry to hear about your husband's challenges with ED. I've not had to deal with going without foreplay (which is huge for us women) or my husband having to deal with ED. I dealt with my husband n-o-t understanding the anatomy of the females' sexual interest points and properly manipulating them. Manhandling those spots of ours is just not going to get us where we're heading, which is to the big O. He was so clueless when it came the how-tos of playing before insertion. No fault of his own.. Every single woman he sexually encountered never told him the truth about how our bodies work. 

At any rate.. I hear your plight and frustration and hope there is a place of reconciling your sexual differences. The ED is a difficult situation to overcome, I realize. I have a nephew who deals with the same thing. Has your husband tried any of the medicines on the market to help relieve the ED? I am not recommending them, just asking if the two of you are at least discussing bringing in that kind of help.. I am sure you never ever cause him to feel insecure over it. Us women know how fragile our malemen can become, right?  There are so many reasons for the ED. My heart goes out to him and you.

You sound tired. You are tired. Do things for yourself that makes you feel relaxed and good about you! I cannot give you the answers to help change your husband, but I sure can try to encourage you as best I can. Be nice to you! The lack of sex in your marriage will cloud your view at times, but it doesn't have to at all times. You are just as special as your spouse! 

Let me whisper something into both your ears.. Let some of that stuff you do wait until the next day or two. Maybe the hubster will be more inclined to give you a helping hand if he finds things undone? It would surely be my hope. It is not easy, none of what any of us is going through.. I send you hugs. 

I loved what you said to your husband.. Trust is more than fidelity and provision.. My my my ain't that the truth? It is only part of the whole.. Another part is to try a bit harder to find ways to help fix what's broken. 

Onedge. Can I ask you something? How difficult would it be for you to remain mums the word to your husband concerning your actual sex life for a while? (It may help relieve the ED.) It sounds like you've expressed most your sexual desires to him. I find the constant dripping of speaking what's wrong in a marriage does not make whatever is wrong, right, most times.. Do you know what I mean? Put that thing out there on the table.. Wait a while and then revisit the challenges once more and let it rest. I cannot tell you how long to give it a rest, but what I am saying to you is let it rest and then you rest.. 

Constant dripping about the same things rarely works. Adults make their own conscious decisions all the time with a little bit of human prodding here and there by others along their way. Timing, when to speak or act is one of a woman's precious weapons in marriage. Husband's observe their wives ways and listen to their words. Our gentle and quiet ways and our grace-filled words spoken, can speak volumes that is able to turn their hearts more and more towards ours! 

Hey, next time, put a lock on that bed chamber of yours! 

I talk a lot in written form only. In really life I am more than not, quiet as a mouse until I am triggered..


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## onedge (Nov 27, 2013)

Thank you hartvalve for your response. I am trying to be different this time around of bringing intimacy back. Do a 180 of the past since the past didn't work out so well.

I am choosing to be completely honest rather than save his feelings and keep doing it until I am satisfied not only heard but understood. I have had 14 years of being ladylike, not demanding, supportive and no also no changes. I am still being supportive but screw the not demanding and being ladylike.

Many times in the past, I will put it out there for him to hear and step back. I think that suits him just fine because if I am not talking it ain't broke so why fix it.

I don't think he was purposely being a selfish lover in the past but the ED dictated what the sex was. I told him recently that either he is making love to me or to his d*** because I am tired of being a convenient second thought. Yup, that caught his attention since he never expected those words to come out of my mouth.

He has made jokes for years about getting a little Rx help. I called him on that one a few weeks ago. It was a Sunday and I told him he either has the appointment made on Monday or I am visiting my sister for awhile and he can be in charge of all the household responsibilities while I was gone. He made the appointment and had the pills by Tuesday. Guess what? Pills work pretty well. We still got some work in that department but better than it had been in years. He actually seemed relieved over the pills being helpful.

I demanded a compromise. If it means he has to turn off the tv to tweak it over and over until we work out what meets both our satisfaction then so be it for now. I know since keeping it front and center it he has become more flirty and playful than he used to be. It may sound like I am being controlling, which is what I haven't been throughout our marriage, but I am getting a sneaky feeling that is what he wants. He is successful at his job that requires being ambitious, dominant, and a go getter. He loves the challenges of it and enjoys going to work every day. He is the exact opposite at home. I think this is something I might have to put some more thought into. His macho ego would never tell me to be the dominant one but this could be the start of an interesting experiment. To make it clear, I am not talking about disrespectful, rude, or condescending behavior just more one being the leader and removing the guesswork.


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## onedge (Nov 27, 2013)

Intheory, something woke her up and she was scared but didn't want to wake us. So she came into the bedroom and slept on the floor. LOL, she is probably one of the few 16 yr old who wants to hang out with parents.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Heartvalve, I would like to know how you think this started because It may be happening with both me and my wife. I think a good way to fight this is to try to figure out how it happened and try to undue these feelings or at least try to stop their spread. I would like to think it's some that you "learned" to do over the years and you keep buying into until you finally really do believe it. 

There also the other side of the coin where you could ask your spouse to join a gym with you. That's the solution I'm pursuing. Hope it works and I start "undoing" these feelings.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

*Onedge*.. It really sounds like you are well on your way to establishing long lasting effects by the steps you are taking to bring back the intimacy. I wish you the very best!

By the way, I didn't hear an ounce of condescending tones in all that you've spoken or tried doing to bring the sparks back into your love life.  Keep up with what works!


*jb*. My life changed so drastically after my husband's surgeries. I believe that alone triggered the dilemma we've found ourselves in. My husband has begun exercising. It was highly recommended by his doctor just this week.

I remain hopeful.

Thanks everyone who responded.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

hartvalve said:


> My question to anyone is--
> 
> Have you ever experienced a time in your marriage when there was absolutely no physical or sexual attraction to your mate- For a long period of time?


This is me right now towards my wife. Contrary to popular belief I need to have an emotional connection with my spouse in order to feel attracted to them physically. Since all of our marriage problems have gone unresolved then I pretty much lost all emotional connection with her. 


hartvalve said:


> If you've experienced anything like me, how did you rekindle the attraction? I guess it helps if one really wants to. I am not 100% in the want-to stage yet. I know I know.. The want to has to be the first step, so.. Give me some baby steps. Remember, babies are not to be stomped on.  I am fragile or frigid? :scratchhead:


You can choose to like someone, it's not hard. Find out what they like and do those things. If you are a spiritual person then pray or meditate on changing your own heart towards your spouse. 

Something our counselors would ask us is "What brought you two together in the first place and describe how you felt during that time you were dating." That helped me to want her when my wife would share that she just wanted to be with me. 

Maybe go through old photos of earlier years. Sometimes that helps me to bring back those emotions.

Try to do something, even if you don't want to, for your spouse every day. It doesn't have to be big, like maybe a note in his lunch or text to say hi. Get a close friend who you can trust to be confidential with this and share your struggles. Ask that person to ask you weekly how you are doing and if you are doing the one thing a day. 

Maybe keep a journal. It helps me to process emotions when I can write them down. It seems my brain thinks differently when I write versus when I just think to myself and helps me. There are a lot of good free encryption software out there, truecrypt.org is one. Unless your spouse works for the NSA he isn't going to be able to read it.

Remember that love is an action not a feeling. So even if we aren't feeling that we desire our spouses we can still do things that make them feel loved. The theory is that if our spouse is feeling loved then we can share with them what makes us feel loved and they are more likely to do it. It sets up a positive feedback loop. --That's the theory anyway, it didn't work for us but I hope others find it useful.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

Yes.

Usually around the time PMS makes her an agressively argumentative oversensitive irrational person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

soulseer said:


> Yes.
> 
> Usually around the time PMS makes her an agressively argumentative oversensitive irrational person.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WOW..


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

commmitted_guy. 

Thanks for your reply. By the way, I am in total agreement with everything you wrote. Everything.

Though I don't feel a sensual kind of attraction towards my husband, I try to make a concerted effort to express love towards him. He says he feels loved, but in his somewhat challenged mental condition, he would. I do like him. That's not difficult to do. It's just all that other stuff that is challenging- Like extracting or summing up the kind of sexual desire for him that I would like to. Does that make sense? 

I would love to participate in a 'sensual & emotionally" driven love act and not just a mechanical non-intimate sex act. <--They're not even easy for me. 

I'm complicated, I know.  If my husband weren't mentally challenged our relationship would really be upside-down. It takes so little to please him in the state he's in, is what I mean. 

Truecrypt.org? I will check that out. Thanks.


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