# I Don't Get It



## Peridot (Dec 30, 2008)

A little dig at my husband.... 

The normal morning routine during the week: 

4:45am - Alarm goes off. I put it on snooze for 15 minutes.
5:00am - I get up, get dressed, brush my teeth, etc. 
5:15am - I get his clothes ready for work (shirt, pants, underwear, socks).
5:30am - I feed and water the cats. 
5:45am - He gets out of bed and gets dressed.
6:00am - He's in a panic to get out the door to get to work on time (it is usually 6:15am, though). 
6:30am - I leave for work. 

He was supposed to spend the night over his mom's because he worked a double shift and didn't want to drive home so late. I had packed his things in his backpack, so when he came home last night, I stayed up later than usual to hang out (after all, it was St. Patrick's Day and I figured I would have an additional 45-60 minutes of rest because his stuff was already ready). 

5:00am - Alarm goes off. I reprogram the alarm to go off in 45 minutes. 
5:15am - His first alarm goes off. He asks me to get up and get dressed because he left his backpack in the car! I say no, because I don't have to get up for another half hour at least and he can still get mostly dressed and get whatever he needs from the backpack when he leaves. 
5:30am - His second alarm goes off. He gets up, turns on the bedroom light (even though I am still trying to rest), goes into the bathroom (there's a light in there too!!) and leaves the bedroom light on. 
5:45am - I'm up, though I had been the whole time anyway. 
6:00am - He leaves for work. 
6:15am - I feed and water the cats.
6:30am - I leave for work and sleep on the train. 

He says that I was being selfish because I didn't want to get up at the same time with him.  I think that's ridiculous since normally, he NEVER gets up with me!!! 

Even though I know I'm doing more than I should for him in the morning (what kind of adult man needs his wife to sort out his clothes for him?), but I've always just done it to be nice. Sometimes I get a little cranky when he stays in bed until the last minute and is grumpy because he has to hurry to get ready (get up earlier, duh!), but this morning, his reaction to me staying in bed really made me mad. He says I "Just don't get it." 

Thanks, I just needed to rant a little.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

I totally understand your frustration. I don't know why we always tip-toe around so hubby can have a few extra minutes of sleep, but as soon as they are up...the lights come on and the whole house wakes up! Totally inconsiderate but I really believe they don't get it!:scratchhead:

Sorry to hear your morning started off so poorly. I hope venting helped.


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

Hey... I have made a practice to put the seat down!!!

All guys aren't like that. Sounds like you two need to go back out on dates and re-connect!

~Moog


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

WOW are you kidding me you get his things ready in the morning.. I would make him to it himself he isnt a child and you arent his mother.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

My wife gets my clothes for me and packs my lunch every day.

She is a stay at home mom, I have a good enough job so she can do that with our 3 kids (7, 5, and 2). 

She also does 95% of the cleaning around the house.

You know what? If I got up in the morning and started getting my clothes she would tell me to stop (she'd feel bad) and go take my shower.

My wife loves doing those little things for me and I pay her back by doing little things for her all the time.

So, its not THAT horrific for wives to get clothes ready for their husbands, now, if we both worked outside the house and I was sleeping longer than her and letting her get all of OUR stuff ready, then sure, there would be a problem with my behavior .


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## Peridot (Dec 30, 2008)

revitalizedhusband said:


> My wife gets my clothes for me and packs my lunch every day.
> 
> She is a stay at home mom, I have a good enough job so she can do that with our 3 kids (7, 5, and 2).
> 
> ...


My mom was a stay-at-home mom (I have a stay-at-home dad now too because he is retired  ). That's why I don't mind so much with helping him, I guess. I saw her do it for 30 years or so. She always took care of his uniforms (he was police officer) and packed his lunch. She took great pride in it and my dad always appreciated it. 

Until his current job, my husband "dressed himself," but in this new job, he only has two shirts/slacks for his uniform (he teaches a trade school - the kids have to wear uniforms, and so do the faculty). The shortage of uniform clothes makes it difficult because they have to be laundered more often... which usually means there is at least one shirt or in the laundry room - in the basement. I don't blame him for not wanting to go down two flights of stairs in his undies to retrieve a shirt/pants that got finished drying overnight. Part of it is our late schedules, both our days are taken up with our workdays and commutes. If we could just somehow get more uniforms!!!


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## sarah63 (Apr 5, 2009)

OMG I agree, you are not his mother!! Have him do those things himself!


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## coffee bean (Apr 3, 2009)

I bet this is a fairly typical scenario for women. I've done it myself. But only really because I wanted things done to my own satisfaction (e.g. to get the breakfast things washed up before leaving the house). 

Peridot, the only person making your alarm go off so early and making you get up way before him is YOU! If you want this routine to change, then tackle it now before you start calling HIM lazy, selfish, etc.

What about saying to him that as you both work, that you'll get up when HE does? It's totally up to you when you get up. He's not making you. It can only take three minutes to fetch clothes from the basement, so you will still have time to help him out. 

If you're happy getting up three-quarters of an hour before he does, then all well and good. But if you're really not, then you're eventually going to get tired and fed up with him, and start blaming him like it's all his doing. I don't have to tell you what this will do for your sex life! Added to which, you are going to start wanting to be going to bed earlier than him so you can carry on with your self-imposed routine. Vicious circle huh?


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

I know we all need a little time to rant peridot! hehe...

You're working outside the home, and so is he. You are getting up early every morning he's getting up late. And then he's upset at you when you don't want to get up to go retrieve his back pack from the car and spend time with him in the morning? All the while you get his clothes ready every morning.

I don't blame you for being a bit annoyed at him. 

I sometimes do these things for my hubby, I never lay out his clothes, but I do tell him, "make sure you get your socks and undies so you don't wake the baby in the morning" LOL.... one of his dressers is in the baby's room, in a closet, as there's not enough room in our bedroom. So I give him a gentle reminder. Also, I occasionally pack his lunch, but he usually eats the school lunch with the kids (he works in a school)... so , if I don't do it, it's no biggie, although I don't like him eating the school food, and tell him , that he needs to make healthy choices if he does eat the school lunch (they have lower fat/calorie stuff he can choose), as he's got high cholesterol. He does, he's very sensible.

I will sometimes write him little love notes and put them into his lunch, or coat pocket... 

He also comes in , to our room in the morning, and turns on the light, but he always says to me, "hide your eyes.." and I put the covers over my head, so it wont' startle me, since I've been awake the whole time he and my daughter are fiddling about the house getting ready. 

he is actually the one who gets our 11 year old up, and then I get up and put her hair in a bun (she dances in the mornings at school, is in the academic magnet , but takes dance as an elective) and make sure she and my hubby get out the door, and take everything they need with them. Then the baby gets up, and I jug up on coffee! LOL... .... it's a weird morning routine... and it changes daily sometimes LOL.... 

You could always stop laying his clothes out, and let him fend for himself? I think he'd see just how much you do for him then, and it's not like you don't also have to get up and get ready for work, and ride a train to get there.

You could also just keep laying out his stuff, and just tell him, that he needs to be sweeter in the morning to you, as you're there taking care of him, he ought to know how good he has it. Nothing wrong with expecting a spouse to recognize they've got it good... ;-)
You sound like a good wife peridot... he's lucky he's got you. 

Rant on, nothing wrong with expressing yourself! blessings... marina


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