# If no love left let them be free!



## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

Hi everybody, i am just new here. Never thought will ever come to forum like this one but, as we say Never Say Never. Now I am going through a very hard time, and not because i am getting through divorce, but because the man I love is going through it and I came here to look for help for him and myself as it's hard for me as well. 
Anyway, my point here is: I already read few posts here, how hard it is for people to accept the fact that the man or woman they love does not want to be with them any more. I know how hard it is, really, i was touched so deepely by post from TheLostGoodGuy and emotionalwreck....The only thing i want to tell to everyone who loves and suffers now...please, 

*If the other person doesn't love you and want you anymore please let them go! * Doesn;t matter how hard it is for you...for the seik of someone you love and care so much, let them be free and start a new life they want! Don't taucher yourself and them as well as there is no point. If love dies that is it!

And you just start a new life, and look for a person who will love, want and need YOU! Please people be more wise and less selfish. This world is beautiful and large, there is enaugh love for everyone!


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## Confusedme5 (Dec 19, 2010)

Your post in confusing Nika, when you say the man you love is going through divorce are you talking about your boyfriend?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Confusedme5 said:


> Your post in confusing Nika, when you say the man you love is going through divorce are you talking about your boyfriend?


Are you saying it's possible nika is actually the OW and she wishes the man she loves can get divorced, but his wife won't let him go?

Very interesting here....


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

nika, please let go people's husband instead... I trust you're young & single, so you can still find your own husband. If you let go, he can go back to his wife, no matter he loves or not loves her at this moment, they could work together to repair their marriage. 

The wife doesn't want to let go simply because she still loves her husband. She's willing to make the marriage work no matter what it takes. So there's still chance for her husband to fall back in love with her. Don't say it is impossible. There are many professional marriage consultants who are able to help them get back together, if you were that problem in their marriage - you should let go.

I know you love this man but no matter what, it's a mistake. He's married. He's got a family, probably also kids. You're just a mistress. 

Men who enjoy fooling around behind their wives are not good husbands. 

You're single. You don't need to get involved in this crap.


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## geo (Oct 29, 2010)

huh ? wow, wonder if she has confronted the wife to share this wisdom...


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

geo said:


> huh ? wow, wonder if she has confronted the wife to share this wisdom...


:rofl:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Hi niki thanks for visiting. Let me guess you are the other woman and your divorcing friend is the love of your life and his wife is the bain of your existance because she has the nerve not to jump out of the way to make room for you. And your point of this post is to express your hostility to wives trying to hold on to thier husbands and father of their children. I can certainly understand you anger but you are directed it in a very cruel way to the wrong people. You see the woman who post here are heart broken at losing the love of their husband and the life that they built together. Sounds like you brought the line about the horrible clinging wife who will not let him go so easily because she is hoping that he still loves her. When you come out of the stary eyed phase of you adoration of your cheating bf you may find that she is not nearly as bad as he made her out to be and that he is not as blameless as he made himself out to be . 

So since you chose to visit to make a snarky coment to people who are suffering and looking for support i am going to give you some predictions based on tge type of person you and your bf and some cold hard stats. First the good news - he may actually be divorcing his wife and may even marry you before the ink is dry on the final decree. Now the bad news - he may actually be divorcing his wife and may even marry you. So either way you lose, he is either stringing you along about how difficult it is to get his horrible wife to divorce sign the papers or he is telling the truth and you get to marry a cheater and a man who blames his marital problems on his partner. Nothing predicts the future like the pass so when you are the wife and he cheats on you and blames on you you will at lest recognize the pattern. And listen niki, when he is ready to ditch you for the next adoring female don't give him a hard time. And don't come to this forum looking for support in the 3 it will take for your perfect union to crash and burn. 

Well you said your piece but it is unwise to crow so loudly over your spoils, the gods may hear. ...... "fool to gibe at him! Lo! 'lithe flat and loveth Setebos" Calaban upon Setebos, R Browning

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

Thanks Catherine for the post but you are mistaken, i am not agnry at all. And I wrote this line ( If no love left let them go) not because of myself but because read few posts from people who suffer and are in pan that their partners are leaving them. Or emothionalwreck wrote that she doesn't love her husband the way he deserve to be loved...so I wrote it to people like those. 

I am not trying to destriy anyone's relations or marriage, I am not pushing anyone for anything, but if the other person doesn't love you anymore why to hold him. If he or she wants to be free, if they don't feel love anymore, why to taucher yourself and them byt keeping them? 

Mistake here is in forcing those people to stay when they don't want to. Better let them be free, get the experience they need and look for, and the big chance is they come back to you. That's what I mean. 

Yes I am young, but Iv been married for 14 years from very early, have kids, and I did let my husband go....and believe me i felt much happier when he left me. I am happy now, as the life we had wasn't a life actually. I thought I was happy but I wasn't. He wants to come back to me now but sorry, i dont want it anymore, I am much happier without him.

I am just trying to help those who are in pain because they were left and not loved anymore. Is it so hard to understand? I am not selfish person, I don't hold anyone, i believe good things come only on the good will, they can't be forced. There are many ways to make your partner stay when he or she wants to leave, but what's the point? You will just make the person you love suffer and will suffer yourself as you cant force anyone to love.


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

MsLonely said:


> nika, please let go people's husband instead... I trust you're young & single, so you can still find your own husband. If you let go, he can go back to his wife, no matter he loves or not loves her at this moment, they could work together to repair their marriage.
> 
> The wife doesn't want to let go simply because she still loves her husband. She's willing to make the marriage work no matter what it takes. So there's still chance for her husband to fall back in love with her. Don't say it is impossible. There are many professional marriage consultants who are able to help them get back together, if you were that problem in their marriage - you should let go.
> 
> ...


Thanks MsLonely but problem here is different. I don't hold him, I love him but I want him to be happy, with me or without. And he loves his wife and wants to be with her but she can't forgive him this mistake and tauchers him, gives him pain with all possible ways. I dont know how to help him to go through this, doctor prescribed very strong medicines but they just make him numb, just supress the pain. I thought I would find here professional help, a concealer who would tell him how can I help him to go through this, how do I need to behaive as I am caugh in a middle of it for none mistake of mine. And wife insists on divorce and gives him pain every time they meet or talk.


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

> caugh in a middle of it for none mistake of mine


Really? Seriously? Honestly? Unless you are his sister.


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

reachingshore said:


> Really? Seriously? Honestly? Unless you are his sister.


Yes really and yes seriously  You all here seem to be very angry with me, but anger is a very bad adviser. Open your eyes, ears and heart and try to understand...is it really so hard????


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

Open up your brain, rather. Just because you let your husband go, doesn't mean other people would follow in your footsteps.


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

reachingshore said:


> Open up your brain, rather. Just because you let your husband go, doesn't mean other people would follow in your footsteps.


Not asking anyone to follow me here. Please keep your husbands and wives by force or by manipulating the curcumstances. Doesn't matter if they love you want you or respect you anylonger. Doesn't matter if they are happy or suffer and every night fall asleep dreaming and fantasising about someone they met in the shop or saw on TV. 

Just do what YOU want, whatever make YOU happy and enjoy life!


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I think Nika has a point. Catherine mentions how Nika loses either way. Either she is being strung along or she gets a cheater. But it is the same with the wife. The husband either leaves her or the wife is stuck with a cheater.

The problem is the cheating. I have never cheated and have never been cheated on (as far as I know). People really need to try everything possible in their marriage and should leave the marriage if it isn't working. Cheating causes all this pain.

I really don't know how I would handle it if I was cheated on. I read about Plan A, where you get rid of the OM or OW and work on yourself, and make your spouse fall in love with you again. I guess when there are kids and you have invested years in a marriage, this might be the best to do. Not sure if the marriage could ever be the same though. I am sure there are some that are recovered and become great marriages. I am sure there are others where the marriage survives but is filled with resentment and isn't great.

I guess it depends on the marriage. A common scenario is ..... the spouse is absent, not working on the marriage, not showing love ... the other spouse tries to get the absent spouse to be there. They eventually give up and find love with someone else. 

So who is wrong? Maybe it isn't the cheater! Maybe the cheater is justified in cheating and the absent spouse should let them go. Rather than work on Plan A.

I think the point is that the answer isn't always the same. Sometimes a marriage should be fought for when a spouse cheats and sometimes not.


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## reachingshore (Jun 10, 2010)

I've also never cheated and have never been cheated on.

However I find it insulting for people out there who have to read that they should be allowing their cheating spouses go "with love", words written by a person "who's been caught in a middle of it for no mistake of hers".


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

SadSam thank you, finally there is someone who is able to understand me and what I am trying to tell.

When 2 people fall apart it is never one person't fault. A lot of times men are forced to look for sex somewhere else, are forced to cheat. It's a basic human's need like to eat or to breath air..can you stop anyone from doing this? And if they accidently fall in love with the woman they have sex can you say it's only man's fault??? 

And same for guys who don't give their wives what they need, they will face the same problem sooner or later.


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

reachingshore said:


> I've also never cheated and have never been cheated on.
> 
> However I find it insulting for people out there who have to read that they should be allowing their cheating spouses go "with love", words written by a person "who's been caught in a middle of it for no mistake of hers".


Dear reachingshore, it was not about allowing cheaters go, it was about helping people to realise that you can't hold what doesn't belong and doesn't want to belong to you. Can't force anyone to love you or to feel happy with you.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Cheating is the problem. Spouses should work on the marriage or leave the marriage. Not cheat.

If you are with a married man, then you are at fault. Don't sleep with someone's husband and then be mad that the wife fights for her marriage. The best outcome you could have is that you end up with a cheater (even if they think the cheating is justified). 

As you say, there is lots of love for everyone. So don't sleep with a married man. There are lots of other choices.


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> Cheating is the problem. Spouses should work on the marriage or leave the marriage. Not cheat.
> 
> If you are with a married man, then you are at fault. Don't sleep with someone's husband and then be mad that the wife fights for her marriage. The best outcome you could have is that you end up with a cheater (even if they think the cheating is justified).
> 
> As you say, there is lots of love for everyone. So don't sleep with a married man. There are lots of other choices.


Yes, thats right, but his wife doesn't fight for him, she wants him to go, they hadn't had sex for years, I dont think she even loved him anylonger, it was just a habit, she felt comfortable with him. And i don't think she ever thought that man wants to feel loved and wanted and have passionate sex even when he is 48.....


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

So what is the problem? 

She doesn't want him ... so do what you want with him.


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> So what is the problem?
> 
> She doesn't want him ... so do what you want with him.


But he is in pain, he is suffering...and I am together with him as I can't turn back and say sorry but it's not fun with you anymore. I don't know how to help him and what to do in this situation. to make him feel better. Plus every time he tries to talk to her she just gives him so much more pain by saying bad things about him. And he keeps on justifying her and doesn't even get angry, just goes and suffers more.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

So he cheated on his wife with you. Then what?

He decided he wanted his wife back, but she told him to go to hell? Isn't that what you are telling people to do. To let them go.

Seems like your advice didn't work out so well for your boyfriend. Or what do you call him now? Roommate?


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Sorry nika, I can't let my wife of 25 years just walk away, nobody loves a quiter and that is what she did when she left...

Sorry, can't let her walk...we took our vows together in front of our Lord, our Church community and our families...I don't think they would want us to just walk away...

Sorry, can't do it, we celebrated the good times and should now work through the 'worse" times...it is what we vowed to do...

Sorry, can't let the marriage contract be de-valued even more, making it worth no more than the paper it is printed on...haven't family values been diluted enough?

Sorry, can't let her teach my kids that it is okay to walk away when facing difficulties/problems, that is not how you earn happiness in life...

but maybe I am sorry for you the most because I don't believe you have ever experienced true love deep and pure, otherwise you would never have posted what you did...true love deep and pure that all of the pain, suffering we are experiencing will be worth it if we ever wake up finding our loved one sleeping next to us again, and again...

There may come a day when I let my wife walk away, but it will be on my terms, when I have left every possible avenue of reconncilation exhausted and there is no hope left...then she can walk away. That's the only way I can do it, the only way I can walk away whole, complete...they only way I'll ever be able to love again, or have faith in love...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

nika said:


> Not asking anyone to follow me here. Please keep your husbands and wives by force or by manipulating the curcumstances. Doesn't matter if they love you want you or respect you anylonger. Doesn't matter if they are happy or suffer and every night fall asleep dreaming and fantasising about someone they met in the shop or saw on TV.
> 
> Just do what YOU want, whatever make YOU happy and enjoy life!


Sounds like you are not taking your own advice. He loves his wife not you and he is trying to get her to forgive him, You are the one that needs to get out of the way. He is not fighting to stay with you if he loved you he would be working to divorce his wife.

So take your advice and completely cut off contact with him. That will give him the best chance to turn all of energy to getting the woman he loves back. 

I am not sure what you are looking for. She seems to be forcing him to go, something more women should do, Are you saying that his wife should send him away so you can convince him to love you? My advice to you is to completely extricate your self from this man's life, he does not need your help. 

It is unlikely that he will stay with you when the divorce is final because you remind him of a painful mistake. He may stay just for comfort for a few months but he will move on toi fresh relationship to start over. 

Go and live your life and find a man who is free who can love you. Why would you want to stabilize someones marriage like an appendage? Men who cheat rarely leave their wives for the OW. 

They use the OW to meet some of their needs and to stabilize their marriage. They have all of their needs met by two women. The contant is the wife and when one affair ends, he finds another so that he can stay in the marriage.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I'm sorry, but I can't accept any of this - some wives force their husbands to cheat?? We should just let them go find happiness without trying to save the relationship?? We need to stop manipulating to try to convince our husbands to stay in the marriage?? To me, this means that you are as in as much of a fog as your affair partner and that you never really felt true love or true pain. Your reasoning is flawed on so many levels, but one of the main things that you are missing is that this is usually not just about the two people involved in the marriage - often times, there are children involved, as well as extended family and life-long friends of the couple. I'm not sure what I'm missing here, but I was raised to believe that families are more important than a person's selfish needs. One person in a family is not more important than every other member of that family. That's what you and all the cheaters don't seem to get. We are talking about the destruction of a family. If that is not something to fight against with all of your might, then I don't know what is. I'm sorry if you are feeling attacked, but it's clear that your judgment is extremely clouded if you thought that you would find solace, help and guidance by posting your ideas on a website where people's hearts and souls have been demolished by the consequences of extra-marital affairs.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Sorry guys, help me figure out this:

Nika is in love with a married guy. According to what Nika said,

The wife wanted to let go the cheating husband who sleeps with Nika, and the wife probably already told him to fk off, but the husband, doesn't want to let go his wife & family.

So, nika ACTUALLY wishes the husband, the man she loves, to let go the wife, but he can't.

Nika felt sorry to see the man she loves suffer from no sex in marriage, so Nika was simply there to stroke [email protected]#$% 

So guys, the main issue isn't the wife. (nika doesn't care about the wife because the wife already has the wisdom of letting go.)

The wife has no problems to let the husband be free with Nika and let them be free to screw each other's brains off.

The problem is the husband, the man she loves, doesn't want to get divorced nor does he want to marry nika... LOL 

She doesn't want to help the husband to go back his wife by leaving him alone because she feels sorry to see him suffer from no sex...yeah, again, she was only there to help & stroke his @#$%...you know, no big deal.

Nika wants to offer the man she loves her wisdom of letting go but he refused to listen. 

So Nika found this forum and would love to offer her wisdom to everyone.

Nika, am I right?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Sorry guys, help me figure out this:
> 
> Nika is in love with a married guy. According to what Nika said,
> 
> ...


Ms L - you are a code breaker of the highest caliber! :smthumbup:

".....now if thou canst read the writing, and make known to me the interpretation thereof, thou shalt be clothed with scarlet, and [have] a chain of gold about thy neck, and shalt be the third ruler in the kingdom." Daniel 5:16


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

From Nika thread, she shared with us what is behind the cheating scene:

The cheater, the husband, is actually very painful & unwilling to get divorced, giving up his family & marriage, but the OW is there to help him, giving him the wisdom of letting go, meanwhile, taking care of his sexual needs.

We can have a bigger picuture on this whole cheating scene, the cheating husband is actually in a much bigger trouble than we estimate. 

Why the cheating husband can't get rid of the OW? 

This could be the reason?

The more the wife fight with him, the stronger where the OW stands.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

DjF said:


> Sorry nika, I can't let my wife of 25 years just walk away, nobody loves a quiter and that is what she did when she left...
> 
> Sorry, can't let her walk...we took our vows together in front of our Lord, our Church community and our families...I don't think they would want us to just walk away...
> 
> ...


You took the words right out of my mouth. It almost seems like i could've written it because it's exactly how I feel. Every stone unturned. I will fight until I have no more fight left. I'm with you on that one. Good post.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Sorry djF and marksaysay, are you still with the OW but don't want to let go your wives?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Nika, nobody is forced to cheat. Cheating is a choice, not a force. To relieve your sexual needs, you can still musterbate instead of cheating. 
You can have an open marriage so your spouse agrees you to have a sexual partner, instead of cheating behind.
You can ask your spouse to give you a hand job or a blow job instead of cheating.
You can work on the sexless problem with a doctor or go to the therapy instead of cheating.
Nika, Sleeping with a married guy is a mistake. Falling in love with a married guy is your biggest mistake! Wrong is wrong! You're wrong! You damage his marriage, you brought his wife grief. Of course she's very angry with her husband because he doesn't want to get rid of the OW, and the OW is you!
Let me ask which wife wants her husband back when he's still with the OW?? 
Why don't you leave him? What is your reason? Your mistaken love? Let me put it straight, he doesn't love you. He only loves his wife, and he doesn't want to marry you.
You're just his convenient toilet seat. 
When he has a need, he needs a toilet seat to relieve his needs but he won't fall in love with a toilet seat.
Leave him and find a real man who loves you!


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

DjF said:


> Sorry nika, I can't let my wife of 25 years just walk away, nobody loves a quiter and that is what she did when she left...
> 
> Sorry, can't let her walk...we took our vows together in front of our Lord, our Church community and our families...I don't think they would want us to just walk away...
> 
> ...


I understand, and that is a right thing to do from your point. But again...it's all about YOU ! Are you at all planning to think of what she wants in life????? If she wants to struggle? If she wants you to wake up every morning next to her? May be SHE DOESN'T WANT IT and doesn't need it ?!


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

MsLonely said:


> Nika, nobody is forced to cheat. Cheating is a choice, not a force. To relieve your sexual needs, you can still musterbate instead of cheating.
> You can have an open marriage so your spouse agrees you to have a sexual partner, instead of cheating behind.
> You can ask your spouse to give you a hand job or a blow job instead of cheating.
> You can work on the sexless problem with a doctor or go to the therapy instead of cheating.
> ...


MsLonely may be you are right in everything you said above. I accep it and not trying to justify myself or him, it' a mistake from my side and his side as well. But...it has already happend.
How can I leave him now, in this situation??? I don't want to leave him, I want to help him to get over it. If he wants to be with his wife I try to help him to get back to her, if he wants to stay with me I will be happy. But I just can't now just walk away from him and leave him to suffer on his own, I think this will be the most wrong thing to do.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

nika said:


> MsLonely may be you are right in everything you said above. I accep it and not trying to justify myself or him, it' a mistake from my side and his side as well. But...it has already happend.
> How can I leave him now, in this situation??? I don't want to leave him, I want to help him to get over it. If he wants to be with his wife I try to help him to get back to her, if he wants to stay with me I will be happy. But I just can't now just walk away from him and leave him to suffer on his own, I think this will be the most wrong thing to do.


How about you? Don't you suffer?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I think I understand when people are in love, they can do crazy things. You're in love & you're doing crazy things. 

I actually know how it feels like as I was young and I also did crazy things. 

People do crazy things to prove that they're crazily in love; however, I'd like to tell you again, this man is playing with you. He doesn't love you!

He loves his wife, you will see, as soon his wife changes her mind, being a little nicer to him, he would dump you right away & crawl back to her like a dog.

This is man, many married men are like this.

Sexless in marriage is just an excuse to make you feel better! Wife is angry with him, yelling at him, being mean to him are all his excuses.

Believe it or not. Many men out there are even without a girlfriend, do they die because they don't even get a fk?

No, they just musterbate. They're lonely but they don't die.

How is possible you believe they have zero sex? Where the kids come from if they have zero sex?

I'd believe, less times to have sex but not zero, otherwise, why would he pray hard to crawl back & rekindle with his wife, begging her like a dog, if there's zero sex in his marriage? He should be very happy that thank God, finally, his wife agrees to divorce, so he would marry you instead.

So, he's lying.


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

blownaway said:


> I'm sorry, but I can't accept any of this - some wives force their husbands to cheat?? We should just let them go find happiness without trying to save the relationship?? We need to stop manipulating to try to convince our husbands to stay in the marriage?? To me, this means that you are as in as much of a fog as your affair partner and that you never really felt true love or true pain. Your reasoning is flawed on so many levels, but one of the main things that you are missing is that this is usually not just about the two people involved in the marriage - often times, there are children involved, as well as extended family and life-long friends of the couple. I'm not sure what I'm missing here, but I was raised to believe that families are more important than a person's selfish needs. One person in a family is not more important than every other member of that family. That's what you and all the cheaters don't seem to get. We are talking about the destruction of a family. If that is not something to fight against with all of your might, then I don't know what is. I'm sorry if you are feeling attacked, but it's clear that your judgment is extremely clouded if you thought that you would find solace, help and guidance by posting your ideas on a website where people's hearts and souls have been demolished by the consequences of extra-marital affairs.


Blownaway thank you for comment, let me tell you this, the easiest thing out of all is to judge someone, you don't need much mind or time to do that. Much harder is to understand and not to judge. You don't know all the curcumstances behind the sceen: how I met this man, what he told me, why I got involved into this etc etc etc... 

What I learned so far about men that they are like kids, when they want something they use all possible ways to get it. They can even lie and truely believ in their lies themselves. Or smarter one can say " I am still married but me and my wife have different lives, she does what she wants and have her affairs and I don't mind that because we have no sexual connecton with her for years, and she doesn't care what I do..etc

Anyway, my point here is you can't get anything good by using force and fighting. My point is: For a moment forget about your own feelings, emotions, needs and think about your loved ones, think about their feelings.

But now, once and for always: Yes I accept I Am Guilty, and No I am not trying to justify myself or him, he is guilty too. And Yes I wish his wife would understand him, stopped being so angry with him, stopped cursing and blaming him in all the sins of the world and forgave him for what he did, as in what he did there is her blame too. Even if she really decided to divorce him, can't she do it like an adult, without loosing her human face, without killing him every day in all possible ways????


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

MsLonely said:


> I think I understand when people are in love, they can do crazy things. You're in love & you're doing crazy things.
> 
> I actually know how it feels like as I was young and I also did crazy things.
> 
> ...


Naturally I suffer, I am on the medications myself already while I do have very strong nerves and tons of patience. To answer your question, he prays hard to crawl back because as Blownaways said it's not just he looses the woman he spent 20 years with but he looses everything else around, relatives, friends, future plans, dreams, secure and certain tomorrow etc etc etc. I myself don't see here much fear in loosing his wife especially after all she had done to him in last 3 months since she discovered this affair of his. 

I wish she wouldn't be so cruel to him, but look back and see where was her own fault. I think those who really love can forgive an affair like this in the given curcumstances. At least I would forgave my husband if he cheated on me because we didn't have sex or any intimacy and closeness in years as it's not just about just sraight nacked sex only.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

There are very few wives on Earth would forgive cheating husbands with love & respect. 

Most wives would try to kill the cheating husband, because they're deeply hurt because they're betrayed & their marriage & family are damaged. 

Image she's married to a man, she works, cooks, gave birth to his kids, took care of the kids, washes his dirty socks everyday, but this man just goes out & has his fun with the OW only because he wants to have sex.

It's understandable how painful the wife would be, for she's not only betrayed but also insulted.

I hope you understand & leave this man.

He die or not, has nothing to do with you, trust me, he would crawl back to his wife. 

He would knee down, crying at her door step, "I swear I cut off the contact with the OW! I would never see her again! I love you! She's just a piece of [email protected]#$, I don't care about her at all! You mean the whole world to me! Please give me a chance!...."

Where is your dignity?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

If this man you love is a good father, he would return to his family because of his kids. 

No matter how angry his wife is, she can't be angry at him forever, she would calm down and talk to him one day, maybe not for herself, but for the kids and other family issues. All her family, including her parents & his parents would support them to talk & go to therapy.

Nika, you will find yourself alone. Nobody would support you. You love this man, in the end, pain is what you can get. Wake up & leave him! You are still young! You don't have to get involved into people's marriage problems. Now you're also suffering. Later you will suffer even more because everybody is going to point their fingers at you.

Why don't you get yourself a flight ticket, flying away from him? Are you a single parent? Do you live with your kids?

If yes, you can take a vacation with your kids in a place that he wouldn't know & you can figure out what you exactly want in your life.

Your kids also need a good mother. You need to give them a HOME.

It's never too late to correct this mistaken love but you need to encourage yourself, persuade yourself, push yourself to leave otherwise, you can't make it, you will stay & you will get even more hurt. You know? You don't need all this shame. You're single. You can meet other single men.

You can date & you can have a great relationship with a single man.

You will be much happier, and you won't need all this medication anymore!


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## Surreal (Jan 6, 2011)

I know in my 20 year relationship my wife had a thing for a married man who she worked with. Not sure if they were having sex but they did hang out when they could , I finally caught her with him at a bar one night . I even went a few steps farther and called the mans wife lmao, at that point all hell broke lose. 

My wife admited she was wrong and did change her ways ,well at least what I could see ,but once the trust is gone its a tough road ahead. Women and men in the work place is a circus, always was always will be. Its the part of life where there is little anybody can do about it and it comes down to the person. But let me tell you after so long it wears on you and working in a factory has changed my wife and now we are apart from the hole thing,and at this point theres nothing that will fix it. So my advice is never go there again it just dont work. No matter what you think you feel it dont work out in the end.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

nika said:


> I understand, and that is a right thing to do from your point. But again...it's all about YOU ! Are you at all planning to think of what she wants in life????? If she wants to struggle? If she wants you to wake up every morning next to her? May be SHE DOESN'T WANT IT and doesn't need it ?!


In marriage, when you take those vows, sign the contract, when it comes to marriage, there is no longer a me or a you...just us...that's the point to being married!

there are no others that are causing our separation, just that we have forgotten the "us" part of our love, and have become selfish...and because I have committed to fight for our love, she has agreed to fight for it too...we ARE going to be come one again...


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

nika said:


> If he wants to be with his wife I try to help him to get back to her, if he wants to stay with me I will be happy. But I just can't now just walk away from him and leave him to suffer on his own, I think this will be the most wrong thing to do.


I'm sorry, but you can't possibly believe what your saying there ?!?!?! :scratchhead:

You would help him get back with her if that's what he wants ??? :rofl: Let me call:bsflag: on that one !!!!!!!

Sorry....but you make me angry....


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

DjF said:


> In marriage, when you take those vows, sign the contract, when it comes to marriage, there is no longer a me or a you...just us...that's the point to being married!
> 
> there are no others that are causing our separation, just that we have forgotten the "us" part of our love, and have become selfish...and because I have committed to fight for our love, she has agreed to fight for it too...we ARE going to be come one again...


I wish you best of luck in what you are doing. If it's what you both want and if it's what makes you both happy then it's a right thing to do. But talking about all those vows etc..you know, there is nothing permanent in this world, sometimes people just grow apart.


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

Surreal said:


> I know in my 20 year relationship my wife had a thing for a married man who she worked with. Not sure if they were having sex but they did hang out when they could , I finally caught her with him at a bar one night . I even went a few steps farther and called the mans wife lmao, at that point all hell broke lose.
> 
> My wife admited she was wrong and did change her ways ,well at least what I could see ,but once the trust is gone its a tough road ahead. Women and men in the work place is a circus, always was always will be. Its the part of life where there is little anybody can do about it and it comes down to the person. But let me tell you after so long it wears on you and working in a factory has changed my wife and now we are apart from the hole thing,and at this point theres nothing that will fix it. So my advice is never go there again it just dont work. No matter what you think you feel it dont work out in the end.


I very much agree with you. So isn't it better to move ahead and not just get stuck in the past, thinking how happy we were one time long time ago?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

rome2012 said:


> I'm sorry, but you can't possibly believe what your saying there ?!?!?! :scratchhead:
> 
> You would help him get back with her if that's what he wants ??? :rofl: Let me call:bsflag: on that one !!!!!!!
> 
> Sorry....but you make me angry....


:lol: You didn't get it. 

Nika said she will help if that's what he wants (not what Nika wants) but she would be happy if he, the cheating husband decides to stay with her, Nika, the OW.

It's very obvious & everybody knows that what this cheating husband really wants NOW is to go back to his wife NOW, and he would crawl back to his wife NOW, but Nika said the wife is being cruel & very mean to him, so Nika still believes going back to the wife isn't a good idea.

In any case, Nika won't leave this man. She said leaving him is most wrong thing for her to do in her life. He's a poor married man living in a sexless marriage, so she must stay to help him going through this hard time of letting go (divorce the wife). Didn't you read that?

*So wives, what can you do when your husband wants to come back but the OW doesn't want to leave him?*


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

Let me tell wives what they should do. Wives should stop blaming their husbands in everything what happend, and just for a minute think of what they might have done wrong that made this situation go so far. Wives should give their husbands chance to talk, and when their husbands talk they should try to listen and after that try to understand what he just told and why he had to do this. And finally wives should think for themselves do they really love this man who is now talking to them? Are they ready to accept him now the way he is and after what he had done? Are they ready to change something in themselves and in the ways they treat their husbands? Because from my experience and all the experience of my girlfriends who are also involved with married men, husbands cheat when first of all they dont get any sex, and second when they don't have any closeness left in their relations with their wives. When wives start taking them forgranted and don't give them anything what woman is suppose to give to her man. I can talk about it for long time, but will better not too. Already can imagine what type of response I will get now. Anyway, to make long story short, women should care more for their men and their men's needs that's all. And if you love a man who cheated on you, forgive him, of course if you love him.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

nika said:


> Let me tell wives what they should do. Wives should stop blaming their husbands in everything what happend, and just for a minute think of what they might have done wrong that made this situation go so far. Wives should give their husbands chance to talk, and when their husbands talk they should try to listen and after that try to understand what he just told and why he had to do this. And finally wives should think for themselves do they really love this man who is now talking to them? Are they ready to accept him now the way he is and after what he had done? Are they ready to change something in themselves and in the ways they treat their husbands? Because from my experience and all the experience of my girlfriends who are also involved with married men, husbands cheat when first of all they dont get any sex, and second when they don't have any closeness left in their relations with their wives. When wives start taking them forgranted and don't give them anything what woman is suppose to give to her man. I can talk about it for long time, but will better not too. Already can imagine what type of response I will get now. Anyway, to make long story short, women should care more for their men and their men's needs that's all. And if you love a man who cheated on you, forgive him, of course if you love him.


You do have some valid points in your opinion. The only issue is your identity, the OW. If you're not the OW but a happy wife, someone like greenpearl in TAM. She always encourages wives to be nice & nicer to their husbands. People know her marriage is beautiful & faithful. Nobody would go agaist her.

So, are you able to tell everybody from this moment, you will leave the married man, you won't be the OW anymore. Can you? 

People would consider you're a person who is able to recognize & correct the mistake with courage. They would view you differently.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

nika said:


> I wish you best of luck in what you are doing. If it's what you both want and if it's what makes you both happy then it's a right thing to do. But talking about all those vows etc..you know, there is nothing permanent in this world, sometimes people just grow apart.


but that is exactly what you don't get about pledging your life, taking the marrage vows, it is permanent...it is a union to become ONE forever...

Nika, when you finally love someone enough to be willing to take and promise those vows, you'll finally understand why all of us are willing to go though the pain to hold on to our loved ones...


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

nika said:


> Let me tell wives what they should do. Wives should stop blaming their husbands in everything what happend, and just for a minute think of what they might have done wrong that made this situation go so far. Wives should give their husbands chance to talk, and when their husbands talk they should try to listen and after that try to understand what he just told and why he had to do this. And finally wives should think for themselves do they really love this man who is now talking to them? Are they ready to accept him now the way he is and after what he had done? Are they ready to change something in themselves and in the ways they treat their husbands? Because from my experience and all the experience of my girlfriends who are also involved with married men, husbands cheat when first of all they dont get any sex, and second when they don't have any closeness left in their relations with their wives. When wives start taking them forgranted and don't give them anything what woman is suppose to give to her man. I can talk about it for long time, but will better not too. Already can imagine what type of response I will get now. Anyway, to make long story short, women should care more for their men and their men's needs that's all. And if you love a man who cheated on you, forgive him, of course if you love him.


Have 2 babies with your man, go to work full time, take care of a 4000 sqft house and the sexual desires of your man....*THEN* come back and talk to us wives about it again !!!!!!! 

You only hear the side of your married lover's story.....not the wife's......she might tell you some things about your lover that are not so rosy.....


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I have seen some OWs far more aggressive than nika. They're calm and intelligently strategic players, especially in getting rid of the legal wives and making themselves the legal ones. They take control of everything, every business and property of the men & become filthy rich.
Nika, in the mistress world, you're far too weak! You're only losing your time in this battle, fighting for a man who is probably a loser, a good for nothing, a trash that is going to be dumped by the wife. You're only waiting to get hammered by the wife and kicked away by this loser!
I really don't understand how you value yourself.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

So you want to teach wives how to treat their cheating husbands?
It's really not a smart idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

No, I am not trying to teach anything to anyone, it was just a small advice and no one have to follow it. You are right, i am not aggressive OW and I actually have no plan behind, i mean to get into someone's business or property etc. And I do agree with rome2012, being marriad woman is a hard job, and being single mom and doing all those on your own is hard is well. Life is not easy in general, so no point in looking for excuses. 

As for me I don't know yet what I am going to do about all this. But I am surely not going to leave behind a man who lost everything because of me, even if he has nothing left after all this.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

nika said:


> No, I am not trying to teach anything to anyone, it was just a small advice and no one have to follow it. You are right, i am not aggressive OW and I actually have no plan behind, i mean to get into someone's business or property etc. And I do agree with rome2012, being marriad woman is a hard job, and being single mom and doing all those on your own is hard is well. Life is not easy in general, so no point in looking for excuses.
> 
> As for me I don't know yet what I am going to do about all this. But I am surely not going to leave behind a man who lost everything because of me, even if he has nothing left after all this.



I'd just take your own advice and walk away...


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## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

I really think that my husband has been suffering through a very difficult past year, brother died unexpectedly, son with anxiety needing support then my dad died. Work is crazy, etc, and he is seeking some relief that I don't think has anything to do with our relationship. I am not willing to let him give up on 27 years of marriage just because some stupid counselor tells him that is the thing he needs. He needs my love and support right now. We are going to marriage counseling and I am doing everything I can to give him some peace. He says his feelings for me are over, but he is in the house, doing everything he always did with me. If I had just "let him go" he would have believed he was right and he is not. There is no answer that works for everyone and you shouldn't try to act like there is.


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## Lonely720 (Sep 19, 2010)

WOW! I can't believe this is on here...

Nika-I can understand what you are trying to say, but not understanding why you believe it's okay to let your husband leave you for someone else. Sure if he's actually done in the marriage...well, then since he's ready to go...why hasn't he left yet? You say kids, well, seriously? I think if someone was actually as miserable as you say he is, he would have left already. 

And if you really are the "Other Woman"...and not just a friend...then I can safely assume that you are in a relationship. Therefore with all your knowledge, I can assume that you know relationships are about compromise and understanding and trust...not all about one person. So you CAN'T just do what makes YOU happy. YOU have to do what makes BOTH of you happy.


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

It's kind of amusing to see this cheating man ended up with a woman with such a warped view of things. Guess the grass isn't always greener.


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## jensenk2010 (Dec 18, 2010)

A lot of you make a lot of sense and I can't remember what post it was but there was on that was very hilarious!

Nika,
Love never really dies unless someone like you comes along and leads a man to believe that the seduction you use to catch him in your web, will make him truly happy.
he's 48? how old are you? if he lied to his wife don't you think he will lie to you? so how do you know they never had sex? just by what HE SAID?
wow...I think you are trying to make a point and sound smart so you can take the weight off of your shoulders and not feel guilty, but the truth is you should feel guilty! I know I'm not going to be the one who says, it's ok Nika go ahead and do and say whatever you want to him as long as you feel right about it. There is no right about it!! you should be encouraging him to follow his heart and go back and talk to his wife and beg for forgiveness. would you really be happy knowing he still loves his wife and wanted his family and yet staying with you? wouldn't you feel like he stayed out of pity or desperation? if he is genuine about how he feels, has a desire to change and would do whatever it takes to get her back, then she will see it. However, actions speak louder than words and if he manipulates to get what he wants and doesn't come clean and do whatever it takes to get her back, then his words will mean nothing! Maybe after 20 years she has been through this dozens of times with this cheating husband and is tired of the same games with him? Please don't act like you know so much about him, their marriage or when love dies when you don't have a 20 year history with him!


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## nika (Jan 4, 2011)

Jensenk you are right in all you said. And by the way guys to make all of you happy he left me...Said he need to go back and try to save his marriage...I guess he is doing the rigth thing and I guess I really didn't know this man so well as believe all he was telling me all this time and that he would never leave me and thousands of other promises...And I loved him and my kids loved him, he worked so hard to get me into this relations with him. I am in great pain now but if to be with his family is what he needs for hapiness then let it be. 

Just why i think that after some time will pass he will come back to me, as he always told me that noone ever loved him teh way I loved him, and never cared and treated him teh way i was. Do you think he will not miss all this in his relations with wife. Do yoiu think now he will not fall asleep every night thinkign about me and the way we use to fall asleep in each other's arms? they dont have this closenes with his wife for many years as many times he woudl tell me that they dont do it with his wife, many things what people who love each other do. 

I guess I am making some mistake here putting LOVE on teh first place above all......


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## jensenk2010 (Dec 18, 2010)

did he tell you he loved you? He just came out and said "I love you?" I don't think you know what love is. His wife if she takes him back, that is love. the unconditional, unselfish, painful love that is patient, and forbearing. Putting up with his crap for 20 years..that is love! 
No, I don't think he will think of you like you think he will because there is no GUILT being with his wife! he might think of you with regret, knowing what he did with you was wrong. he might think of you and cry feeling his wife's pain because of you. However, I don't think he will think of you the way you would want him to.
what kinds of things did he tell you about his wife and the things she's been doing and saying the last 3 months? and maybe he lied about that too?
where are you from Nika? and how old are you? maybe you are too young to realize a lot of things in life and marriage? I don't know but maybe if you look at your broken marriage you will see your ex husband in your now ex lover? your husband wanted you back and tried really hard, and your ex lover LOVES his wife and wants to try really hard with her? and maybe if you would have loved your husband the way you said you loved your ex lover, you would still be married?


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## sparkle4 (Jun 12, 2010)

wow, really????

loves comes and goes in a relationship, they take work and commitment. 

I hope someday you are able to truly understand what it means to be in that type of marriage.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I told you he's just having fun with you and will crawl back to his wife. You didn't want to believe and now you got hurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

geo said:


> huh ? wow, wonder if she has confronted the wife to share this wisdom...


:iagree::rofl:


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

MsLonely said:


> I told you he's just having fun with you and will crawl back to his wife. You didn't want to believe and now you got hurt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Opps, didnt see the other pages yet. I guess he left the OP and went back to his wife? Cant say Im upset about that... but he will have to prove alot to his wife.

Best of luck OP, hope you never get married and separated to find your husband with another woman who says the same thing you did.


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## valaria (Oct 18, 2010)

Has anyone considered that Nika might not even be an adult? From her posts sounds like a kid might have stumbled onto this site. She makes no sense. I really mean no sense whatsoever.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Now the husband has crawled back to his wife and dump Nika and her kids.
Very terrible man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## valaria (Oct 18, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Now the husband has crawled back to his wife and dump Nika and her kids.
> Very terrible man.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


According to her post that's what she wanted.? Still think its a kid that got involved in an adults mess


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

valaria said:


> According to her post that's what she wanted.? Still think its a kid that got involved in an adults mess


She has her own kids. Divorced once.
Should be more mature after this lesson.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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