# Mixed feelings



## jbels (Nov 9, 2009)

Hello, I've been separated from my wife for close to four months and looking at a Dec. 15th court date. 

Some of my inlaws are in great pain over this impending divorce, particularly my mother-in-law, with whom I am still close. I am also missed by my sister-in-law and my nephew, whom I would also like to see.

My STBX has given no indication of desire for reconciliation. For the record, she went away on a three day spiritual retreat, came back and immediately wanted me out of her life and the house. 

I am slowly getting past the point of "hating" my ex and resolving a lot of the issues, but I simply have no desire to see nor talk to her. My MIL would like us to be civil during the holidays. Any suggestions for a happy medium? Thanks.


----------



## Nanook (Nov 21, 2009)

Do you have kids, If you do then it is very necessary to be civilised over the holiday season. If you do not, and do not want to see your wife, then give yourself and her that space, as for the whole extended family, they need to respect their daughters decision, and your decision on not wanting to see her,and stop trying to play happy family. It is bad enough going through this just the 2 of you, but when the family start interfearing, and think they know what is best for you guys, they need to step back and let you guys sort yourself out. As close as you are to them, this will be difficult. But the bottom line is you and your wife need to sort this out, if not by seeing her, by email, or post.
I wish you luck


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I was married for twenty years and when we divorced I went and had a talk with the in-laws, they had been apart of my life for a long time and I really didn't want to just toss them out with the bath water.

I expressed my desire to stay a part of their lives and to make sure they stayed a part of our kids lives(kids stayed with me). All it takes are some ground rules between everyone. I made it clear I didn't want to be anyplace that my ex was, just to many bad feelings there. So what happens is any family event she can't attend they invite me, and it's always nice to see everyone. There have been a couple things(birthdays,x-mas) where I new she would be there so we just worked out a schedule(the ex and I), I would make a quick appearence either early or later when she wasn't there. 

The only problem we have had is my ex sister-in-law, she constantly wants me to talk bad about my ex and I just wont do it, even though I have a lot to say!

Anyway, it can work if you put hostile feelings aside and just enjoy your visit. 

Goodluck,
Cooper


----------

