# Why do our Ex's Get No Partners and Live Happily Ever After but we Don't?



## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

As the title says, why is it that when we break up with our ex's, that later on, we find out that they moved on, got married, had kids, their lives got "better" and they are happy. And yet we are still single and our lives aren't as happy as theirs are? Why does this happen?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

That's a sign that 1) you two weren't right for each other, and 2) you are the common denominator in all your relationships, so if things didn't work out for you, you have to look within yourself at what might be holding you back.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

musicdiva said:


> As the title says, why is it that when we break up with our ex's, that later on, we find out that they moved on, got married, had kids, their lives got "better" and they are happy. And yet we are still single and our lives aren't as happy as theirs are? Why does this happen?


Probably because your ex has a job and has ambition and is not sitting home having a pity party. Plus you don't want kids, so you cannot go that path anyway.

Listen, we actually care about your happiness and are giving you some great advice. How is the job search and the dating scene? You are cheating some great guys out of a fun date and fun times - WITH YOU. Get working on that. 

Go back to posting about future events (dating profile etc) rather than past events. 

If you have some physical limitation or mental issue that prevents you from working or dating, think about sharing that so we can give you specific advice on how to make you happier.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

norajane said:


> That's a sign that 1) you two weren't right for each other, and 2) you are the common denominator in all your relationships, so if things didn't work out for you, you have to look within yourself at what might be holding you back.


This. 

You are responsible for your own happiness. If you are not happy, do something about it. Don't wait for someone to come rescue you from your misery. 

There is a metaphor about depression that likens a depressed person to a drowning man. If you get to close trying to save them, they will grip you tightly and you go down with them. Instead, you should try to throw them a life ring so they can save themselves. 

Are you aware enough of what's going on around you to save yourself? Or are you dragging people down with you?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I agree with others that you are responsible for your own happiness, however the loss of marriage or relationship can be as difficult, or more, than grieving the death of a loved one. Just because your ex has no sentimental attachments to the past and moves ahead full speed doesn't mean you are in any way deficient, you get to move on at your own pace so stop judging your life by the pace of someone else's. Also don't let appearances deceive you, just because someone looks happy doesn't mean they are - especially if your main source of information is their highlight reel aka their facebook feed. My best advice is to just got out and have your own experiences.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Anyone who plays a self entitled virgin princess who is close to thirty years old that refuses to work or do much of anything at all, is highly likely to get left behind.

At the end of the day @musicdiva you are getting older so your aesthetic appeal is certainly starting to wane, your ability to contribute financially has atrophied because you will not work. Your circa thirty year old virginity is a valueless commodity since your visual appeal is diminished. You would also do well to realise that holding on so long makes you a questionable proposition with respect to desiring sex. You don't want children either, in fact the only thing you seem to want is for a man to financially look after you while you offer next to nothing in return. No sane person would buy what you offer.

As to your ex's of course they've moved on and are happy, none of what you are offering holds any appeal, funnily enough "moving on" is rather apt since movement holds far greater appeal than sloth and inertia.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Personal said:


> Anyone who plays a self entitled virgin princess who is close to thirty years old that refuses to work or do much of anything at all, is highly likely to get left behind.
> 
> At the end of the day @musicdiva you are getting older so your aesthetic appeal is certainly starting to wane, your ability to contribute financially has atrophied because you will not work. Your circa thirty year old virginity is a valueless commodity since your visual appeal is diminished. You would also do well to realise that holding on so long makes you a questionable proposition with respect to desiring sex. You don't want children either, in fact the only thing you seem to want is for a man to financially look after you while you offer next to nothing in return. No sane person would buy what you offer.
> 
> As to your ex's of course they've moved on and are happy, none of what you are offering holds any appeal, funnily enough "moving on" is rather apt since movement holds far greater appeal than sloth and inertia.


:iagree: YES! ALL OF THIS!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The title makes no sense. Enough said.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Blondilocks said:


> The title makes no sense. Enough said.



I would guess she meant "new", not "no".

To answer the OP's question. Firstly it doesn't always work that way, when people break up they don't always move into another relationship to find happiness. Sometimes just being out of a bad relationship is all the happiness a person needs.

And yes people move on with their lives, they do that by not wallowing in self pity, by not stalking their ex's, by learning as they go and evolving into mature adults.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

musicdiva said:


> As the title says, why is it that when we break up with our ex's, that later on, we find out that they moved on, got married, had kids, their lives got "better" and they are happy. And yet we are still single and our lives aren't as happy as theirs are? Why does this happen?


Actually, my situation is the opposite. My x wife asked for a divorce six years ago. Since then, I have remained single and am happy as a lark. I don't depend on anyone else for my happiness.

She has remarried, and it's not my place to judge her happiness, but my daughter says I act a lot happier than her.


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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

I said "we" because I know all of us have dealt with us being dumped, and then hearing that our ex partners, have moved on and are much happier without us and we end up remaining single for the longest time.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

musicdiva said:


> I said "we" because I know all of us have dealt with us being dumped, and then hearing that our ex partners, have moved on and are much happier without us and we end up remaining single for the longest time.


That's hilarious, as an adult (and I say adult because I was told it was over once, when I was 11 after a lunchtime) I haven't been dumped by anyone! I was always the one saying it's over. So you are wrong in presuming all of us have been dumped, just like you are wrong in presuming that all of us have remained single for the longest time.

Nuts!


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

.


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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

I broke up with my ex-Boyfriend, just like a lot of my previous relationships, I broke up with my partner, but yet they moved on and found someone and lived happily ever after. While I remained single for years, before finding someone new. Thats what I was referring too.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Your experience is not everyone's experience. So unlike you as has been the experience for many others, I have not ever found myself unattached (without any sexual partners) for very long at all. Nor have I ever regretted the ending of any of my sexual relationships, in fact on a number of occasions the ending of a relationship has been a particularly positive thing.

Likewise with reference to one of your posts in another discussion here on TAM, unlike you I have so far never suffered from any mental illness or mental disorders. That said having been in a sexual relationship with a woman who suffered from a mental illness, and having consequently experienced at first hand the toxic sludge that such a relationship brings. I will never again put myself in harms way with a woman so afflicted, or as they say once bitten twice shy.

So where does one go with that?

Personally I have no idea where I would go with that especially in a population where such malaise seems to afflict more and more. Having said that in person and if asked I would still almost certainly warn people off you. Such warning would be driven by the perspective that in large part healthy people make for healthier relationships, and unhealthy people from bitter experience don't make for healthy relationships.

At the end of the day there are still plenty of healthy people out there, so it still pays to be discerning and to choose wisely as has been my experience with my wife of today. 

Lest you inflict your misery upon others I honestly think the best thing you could possibly do, is to concentrate your efforts on getting well sooner rather than later.

As it stands until you get better, you should not be surprised to find that your are the one left behind.

Good luck, get well soon...


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

musicdiva said:


> I broke up with my ex-Boyfriend, just like a lot of my previous relationships, I broke up with my partner, but yet they moved on and found someone and lived happily ever after. While I remained single for years, before finding someone new. Thats what I was referring too.


I divorced my wife of 23 years. We were separated six months before the D was final. I started dating 6 months after that. 

I went on close to 60 dates with over 30 women in the first 6 months of dating. Met one and we both hit it off. We have been exclusive now for over a year and loving life. 

No problem finding a date, or someone to share my life with. My advice? Try to be the type of person people want to be around. If all you do is complain and act entitled, the only person who will want to be with you is not the type of person you'll want to be with.


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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

I am a fun, person to be around. But I decided that I just give up on life and love. There is no life for me, and no guy for me. And everyone on the internet is cruel and mean.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

...


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

musicdiva said:


> I am a fun, person to be around. But I decided that I just give up on life and love. There is no life for me, and no guy for me. And everyone on the internet is cruel and mean.


And now you have the answer to your question. Congratulations.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

musicdiva said:


> I am a fun, person to be around. But I decided that I just give up on life and love. There is no life for me, and no guy for me. *And everyone on the internet is cruel and mean.*


I'm not cruel and mean. I am a fun person to be around too! 

Have you heard about the trend of Italian business men that make well over $100,000.00 a year, but they still live at home with their moms and sleep in their childhood beds? OMG I would LOVE to live that lifestyle!!!!! Wouldn't that be a blast? 










Just google "mammoni" 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

musicdiva said:


> everyone on the internet is cruel and mean.


:bsflag::whip:


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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

musicdiva said:


> I said "we" because I know all of us have dealt with us being dumped, and then hearing that our ex partners, have moved on and are much happier without us and we end up remaining single for the longest time.


Not all of us. I divorced my ex, we both have moved on, he is in a miserable relationship.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

musicdiva said:


> Why do our Ex's Get No Partners and Live Happily Ever After but we Don't?


Happiness comes from within, not from a boyfriend. 

If your perception is they are happy and you are not then the problem is you.


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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

It just hurts me, that I am still single, and I hear that my ex partners have found someone else, and they are happy. Its not fair. I remain single, and my ex never tried to get back with me, and just moved on and found someone else. None of my ex's ever tried to get back with me. It makes me feel I am not worth anyone's time or effort and will always be single.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

musicdiva said:


> *It makes me feel I am not worth anyone's time or effort and will always be single.*


Why does your self esteem, value, or self worth depends on someone else, or on being partnered or not?

Not everyone will stay happily attached to someone else their whole life. I was married twice and I don't care to ever marry again. I like the idea of being single the rest of my life. I have had opportunities to remarry. I have been asked that question to too long ago by a great friend that I have always put in the friends zone. He loves me, but I don't feel that way for him. I never will. I would rather be single than make him miserable. He continues to have false hope. It's false hope. You may have a little of that false hope too. 

You need to change that way of thinking because you are hurting yourself. Being single is not a bad thing. Being partnered is nice but there is not guarantee that it will be forever. Take care of you, value yourself for who you are and not what others think or don't think of you.

I saw your picture, you are a nice looking girl. There is nothing physically wrong with you from what I saw. Your problem is your self esteem. You can improve that and work on it.

You are totally worth being healthy for YOU!


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Bibi1031 said:


> *I saw your picture, *you are a nice looking girl. There is nothing physically wrong with you from what I saw. Your problem is your self esteem. You can improve that and work on it.
> 
> You are totally worth being healthy for YOU!


Where is the pic?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

musicdiva said:


> It just hurts me, that I am still single, and I hear that my ex partners have found someone else, and they are happy. Its not fair. I remain single, and my ex never tried to get back with me, and just moved on and found someone else. None of my ex's ever tried to get back with me. It makes me feel I am not worth anyone's time or effort and will always be single.


How is that not fair? It's more fair than if he knew you weren't right for him but he tried to get back with you and please you knowing it was a waste of both your time.

That is the nice thing about exes, they are in your past and are no longer your problem, so if you think you need to find a new relationship that is entirely on you to go do, rather than trying to pull others down to your level of self loathing.


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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

This is what I look like, and trust me I have gotten told a ton of crap since being single, ever since I was single 2011-2014, before getting my now ex, and even now 2016-present I have been told, I am a tranny, lesiban, bisexual, I look like a man, I have manly features, I have a penis, etc. Anyway this is what I look like - nataly66687 Anime, Brony, Conventions, Cosplay, Dancing, Games


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> Where is the pic?


In one of her recent Musicdiva posts, but she might have taken it down.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

musicdiva said:


> This is what I look like, and trust me I have gotten told a ton of crap since being single, ever since I was single 2011-2014, before getting my now ex, and even now 2016-present I have been told, I am a tranny, lesiban, bisexual, I look like a man, I have manly features, I have a penis, etc. Anyway this is what I look like - nataly66687 Anime, Brony, Conventions, Cosplay, Dancing, Games


The one she posted before this link was a more attractive one. You looked like a regular 28 year old girl with nice features. She is not a bad looking girl. She may need help posting better pictures of herself. Some of the POF ones are not her best.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Bibi1031 said:


> Some of the POF ones are not her best.


I agree

Nat, Bibi is right in that you have better pictures to post on POF. I have seen some of the others.

Next, take down "wants to find someone to marry." I am not sure if that is one of the options offered but don't most people say they are interested in a long term partner, blah blah blah rather than "I want to marry."


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

musicdiva said:


> It just hurts me, that I am still single, and I hear that my ex partners have found someone else, and they are happy. Its not fair. I remain single, and my ex never tried to get back with me, and just moved on and found someone else. None of my ex's ever tried to get back with me. It makes me feel I am not worth anyone's time or effort and will always be single.


Oh I'm terribly sorry you feel this way. 
It would be no harm to buy some books regarding dating & relationships. 
Even I bought some recently to work on my confidence etc. 
This will help on decoding messages from potential suitors & give you loads of tips on how to attract the right fella! 
Online dating is a cruel world. 
Ignore & delete idiots who make horrible comments on dating sites, they are fools. 



Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@musicdiva I don't think there's anyway to make this sound good because either way it may upset you. That said, in my opinion acknowledging reality is far better than pretending real things aren't true.

So here goes...

In looking at your pictures I believe it is extraordinarily likely that you are a man who identifies as a woman. This may be one of the reasons why you have refused to have sex with your male partners.

If you do identify as a woman, you are likely to have better luck finding a man who is okay with that, by using the descriptive caveat of "transgender woman" in your online profile.

Again if you are a transgender woman pre/post op or whatever, you shouldn't be surprised to find many Heterosexual men won't want to date you.

That said if you are a woman, I'm sorry to say, you look like a man with long hair that likes wearing women's clothing.

If you are a transgender woman some honesty would go a long way. If you are a woman that looks like a man, I'm sorry life is unfair.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Life moves on. Life isn't fair. All cliches for a reason. There is truth to them.

It's up to you to move on. Get some individual counseling or a personal coach to help you move forward. It's not easy, after any breakup, and we tend to over-analyze.

Good luck to you. I don't think the posters are mean...just blunt.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Nataly, were you born as a male? Or XXY? 

The reason I ask is because when I looked at your pics, I immediately thought "that's a guy". And I'm sure it's a common sentiment. Face and bone structure scream "man".

I'm not trying to be mean, just curious.


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

I think some of this is misguided....many ladies have prominent facial features.

Sent from my SM-T230NU using Tapatalk


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Can we please stop the judgement on the looks department. 
Not fair at all. 
Plenty of women have an androgyny look. 


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## musicdiva (Jun 19, 2016)

I am just done. Goodbye.


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

Maybe they have found somebody else to take advantage of if they were awful or if it was just incompatibility somebody they get on with.

Please don't be down on yourself. I have been married 28 years and its not all been a bed of roses.


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> Can we please stop the judgement on the looks department.
> Not fair at all.
> Plenty of women have an androgyny look.
> 
> ...






What does this mean and why would it matter if a person loves you?


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## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

musicdiva said:


> I am just done. Goodbye.




Hugs to you.


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