# trying to hold on for my son



## flat broke (Sep 19, 2008)

I have been with my wife now going on 9 years and for the most part it has always been a up hill battle... I know that I am not an angel by any means, I've messed up by looking at porn and got caught a couple of times, but I have never been with anyone else since we have been together...Just her...
I am struggling with staying in this marriage... First off she has cheated on me twice and blamed me for her actions, She is getting very controlling and selfish in very aspect of her life,She is treating me like I owe her something... I have been as tolorant as I possible can with her and have had enuff. I know that I don't owe her anything I helped put her through school, not only with money but by putting my life on hold and busting my ass to make sure that she didn't hve to woory about anything like watching my son about 80% of the time, working as much as I could to make ends meet and so on and so forth.
Like I said I know I am not an angel but I'm pretty sure that I deserve better. I don't drink,watch football,or anything that really pulls me away from my family. I pretty much just work and spend my free time fixing up our house and watching the koi fish swim around, which I usally do with my son... And for some reason she wants me to feel bad about that like it is not enuff or that I am doing the wrong thing and should be doing something else... What do I do? No matter how hard I try it is never enuff... and I can not spend my life feeling like I don't add up... It is sad to say that the only thing that keeps me going in this marriage is my 5 year old son. He deserve a mom and dad that are together and happy, but I am really starting to wonder if that is possible to make happen for him... He didn't ask for this life and he deserves better and at this point Ireally don't know if what is better for him, us together or us apart...
I do love my wife and remember how it use to be, but it has not been really good or right for a really long time. I can't give up on myself and what I enjoy in life just to try and make her happy , and still feel like a failure in her eyes... Any advice would be great what should I do?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

yeah, talk to her about it...you paint a pretty solid picture of yourself. is that what she sees? apparently not. maybe she's happy being unhappy with you. i know that sounds wierd, but there are stranger things in this world.

also, recent studies indicate that your children are gonna suffer fallout from a breakup that you may never see, but it'll crop up in their lives down the road. please try to work on the happiness aspect of your marriage. sometimes all it takes is one conversation.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

How did you deal with the issue of porn? I know for many men that view it, they believe most men do it and it's not a big deal, but from a woman's perspective it can leave her feeling very hurt:


I'm married to a stranger
What else is he lying about?
Going beyond 1-way viewing implies intention to cheat
I am not good enough, looks, sexually
He does not want to be in a monogamous marriage
He's fantasizing about other women when we have sex
He doesn't love me/respect me enough to put me above porn
He will probably only come clean with what I've found on my own
What didn't I find yet?
Do I even want to wait around for the next bomb to drop?

If she felt betrayed by this, she may have built resentment towards you over time if you didn't properly work through this together.

That being said, she is the only one to blame for stepping out of your marriage and having affairs. 

Until you both agree to drop the hurt/anger and really talk through these issues you will remain distant and on this uphill battle. The best approach from you would be to talk to her out of love and if she is used to pushing back blame/defending herself, chalk it up to old bad communication habits and don't go there yourself...just give, give, give and see if she starts to come around.


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