# When to call it quits?



## OH-WHY-O? (Jul 30, 2010)

Hi - visiting from the Infidelity boards. Here's my story in a nutshell: found out H was having an affair 2 months ago, suspect it's been going on much longer. He "ended" it, which really just means they stopped having sex, but he is still in love with OW. They work together and he will not leave the job. We are separated although he comes home on the weekends to see the kids. I have been learning a lot about affairs and until recently believed that we might be able to come through this stronger. I now think that it might be time just to throw in the towel. Here are my reasons:

1) Because they work together, there is still contact. I can't live with that because I know his feelings for her will not go away if he sees he every day.
2) He has made no effort to reconcile. He feels pressure to make a decision and only wants to make that decision for the "right" reasons.
3) I am learning a lot about myself and my needs and do not believe that he will ever be able to meet them, even if he tried.

I swore I wouldn't be the one to file because that would just be the easy way out, especially for him, since he will not have to accept the responsibility for ending the marriage. 

I just don't know what to do. I am miserable and my kids deserve better. I think my H is still in the affair fog. I just don't know if I should try to wait it out a little bit longer and see what happens, or should I just end it and move on? I still love him. I probably always will. But I can't live like this, knowing he loves someone else. I learned tonight that OW is most likely getting a divorce. I don't doubt that at the height of the affair, they discussed being together forever. If I let him go, it just makes it easy for him. I want him to be accountable for his actions. It just seems like a lose/lose situation.

Any advice? Thanks in advance...


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

*He's responsible - you deserve a better life*

Reading your post you answered your own question. There's a reason all 50 states now have no-fault divorce. Marriage is hard, attractive and interesting people are in the work place, emotional and physical relationships are built and sustained over a cup of coffee or a shared lunch. 

I don't think it really matters who files - he's responsible by his actions, he's fallen in love with her, sees her daily, talks to her five or more days a week. You live apart most of the time, he comes home to see the kids. 

Filing is a formality, not a statement of responsibility. Your kids and you deserve a better life. 

I hope you can move ahead with your life, I know that limbo is a terrible place to be.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Hi Ohwhyoh,

How are you doing?

LW

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why are you re opening 3 year old threads?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

PBear said:


> Why are you re opening 3 year old threads?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you ever tried before?


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