# Actions you don't regret when you discovered the EA/PA...



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Just to piggy back on the other thread..what did you do that you do not regret to this day.

FOr me:

..the best was when I broke into his secret email then called him that one morning while he was at the hotel (which he wanted to go to because I was pressuring him too much as I wanted complete access to his laptop, etc.)..I phoned him, and in a calm voice, said Hi, what are you doing? He said he was just packing for a business trip then I said..I think we are done..and he said what are you talking about? I then said..I got into your email and then I proceeded to read the emails out to him. That was a good moment..it was like all of a sudden I had the control....funny how the emails probably don't sound that romantic or great when your wife is reading them back to you.


Right there as well on the phone I said to him by the way I am going to send an email to your girlfriend...so on one email she had sent to him in which she said..."I am going to do my best and come and live with you for the rest of my life"..I sent it back to her with a reply of: Hi.., this is his wife...If you think you are going to come here and live happily ever after you are wrong. 

No regrets....


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I do not regret kicking him out there and then, or getting as angry as I did, or yelling and screaming at him for 2 hours while he just took it. Don't regret it one bit. I also do not regret that I did NOT hit him in the face when he told me to. To this day I don't know how I resisted, but I did, and I'm glad I did.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

I punched him in the chest. No regrets.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

IN case anyone is interested I got into his email easily because I knew what the email address was..then I tried to get into it by pretending I misplaced my password..it then asks you two security questions..his were..what was your favorite uncle and what was the first motorbike you had. I knew the second one but couldn't remember all the names of his uncles so I emailed his sister telling her I was working on a geneology project and needed to know all of the names of his uncles and aunts..then bam got my answer. 

I remember my hands were shaking so bad especially when it then asked me for a new password I knew I was in.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

The day I found out, I did not back down...I actually stayed pretty strong and made him admit what he did, because at first he denied all of it :rofl: like I imagined those chats that I found hahaha


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

highwood said:


> IN case anyone is interested I got into his email easily because I knew what the email address was..then I tried to get into it by pretending I misplaced my password..it then asks you two security questions..his were..what was your favorite uncle and what was the first motorbike you had. I knew the second one but couldn't remember all the names of his uncles so I emailed his sister telling her I was working on a geneology project and needed to know all of the names of his uncles and aunts..then bam got my answer.
> 
> I remember my hands were shaking so bad especially when it then asked me for a new password I knew I was in.


That's how I got into my H's email as well, but I knew the answers to both security questions...I almost puked while doing it LOL


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

highwood said:


> I got into his email easily because I knew what the email address was..then I tried to get into it by pretending I misplaced my password..it then asks you two security questions..his were..*what was your favorite uncle* and what was the first motorbike you had.
> 
> I remember my hands were shaking so bad especially when it then asked me for a new password I knew I was in.


OMG when I hacked my hubby's email I did the same thing - I DID know his favorite uncle tho. I don't remember the other Q but whatever it was I knew it too. And I remember that my hands were shaking SO bad as I typed in what I was typing because I just knew I was going to find something horrible


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> OMG when I hacked my hubby's email I did the same thing - I DID know his favorite uncle tho. I don't remember the other Q but whatever it was I knew it too. And I remember that my hands were shaking SO bad as I typed in what I was typing because I just knew I was going to find something horrible


I will never forget that morning..I remember the first email that stood out for me in the list of emails was one that in the subject line that she sent to him that said: "I will love you forever" When I saw that I thought holy ****...because he was trying to tell me that it was just a friendship (famous last words). As well he lied to me during that week before saying he was not keeping in touch with her..then I see these emails from that same day, the day before, etc. etc.


To this day I can still remember how I felt..my hands shaking, that sick feeling in my stomach, etc.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

after wife admitted to cheating and left, i stood out in the backyard 2-3am and burnt EVERYTHING of hers. bras,shoes, pants, anything you can think of i burnt. only thing she had left was the clothes on her back. called friends up at that early hour and cleaned the place out. she came back to a empty house. never did contact me, think she thought i was nuts.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

67flh said:


> after wife admitted to cheating and left, i stood out in the backyard 2-3am and burnt EVERYTHING of hers. bras,shoes, pants, anything you can think of i burnt. only thing she had left was the clothes on her back. called friends up at that early hour and cleaned the place out. she came back to a empty house. never did contact me, think she thought i was nuts.


Wow! She may think twice before doing that to someone else...we hope.


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

I don't regret (3 weeks after the first TT Dday and 3 weeks after all contact was supposed to have ceased, and had ceased, according to her) going through the phone records and seeing the OM's number all over the place. I don't regret analyzing those records and summarizing the daily activity (152 texts this day, 72 min call that day etc) and essentially creating a chart that explicitly showed how much she was still in contact with him. I don't regret showing how much she texted the OM vis-a-vis me (ie I text her, no response from her for 3 hours, but during those three hours she texts with OM constantly). I dont regret pointing out the calls she made right before an awesome date I planned for us, where she told me how much she loved me etc. and how she contacted OM after as well etc) I dont regret showing her how serious her A was, and I hadn't even read what was said in those texts/calls.

I dont regret confronting him and reclaiming my marriage, telling him to F*** off, threatening him etc. I dont regret him trying to defend himself with attempts at cleverness but me shutting him down. It felt good to put him in his place.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

highwood said:


> I will never forget that morning..
> To this day I can still remember how I felt..my hands shaking, that sick feeling in my stomach, etc.


I'll never forget either. My heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to leap right out of my chest. I remember having to stifle everything for the whole day till I could get the kids out of the house and confront him again, because when I told him to get out he was in the shower and after I showed him what I found he acted like nothing happened!!!! Just made me all the more whacko when I did finally have a chance to let loose.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

rock said:


> lol.
> 
> Yea, that would take the whole romantic vibe out of the affair letters hearing your angry wife read them to you.
> 
> Good stuff.


Absolutely! That was priceless me with all the emails printed out going thru them one by one...reading them out to him.

As well on one of them she had sent him some kind of love song lyrics from some boy band...pretty lame! Especially for a 43 year old woman. Nonetheless she was lied to as well..he had told her that he was separated so I kind of felt bad for her.


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

67flh said:


> after wife admitted to cheating and left, i stood out in the backyard 2-3am and burnt EVERYTHING of hers. bras,shoes, pants, anything you can think of i burnt. only thing she had left was the clothes on her back. called friends up at that early hour and cleaned the place out. she came back to a empty house. never did contact me, think she thought i was nuts.


thats one way to get closure lol


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

As painful as it was seeing them with my own two eyes, I don't regret walking in her backdoor and into her bedroom last week to catch them. If I hadn't trusted my gut I wouldn't now know he was back with her and I would be still be dating him and thinking we were trying to reconcile.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

cantmove said:


> As painful as it was seeing them with my own two eyes, I don't regret walking in her backdoor and into her bedroom last week to catch them. If I hadn't trusted my gut I wouldn't now know he was back with her and I would be still be dating him and thinking we were trying to reconcile.


That was a gutsy thing to do. Wish I had been a fly on the wall to have seen the looks on their faces. I would also love to be there the day the OW dumps your husband for another guy.

I doff my hat to you Cantmove.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> I do not regret kicking him out there and then, or getting as angry as I did, or yelling and screaming at him for 2 hours while he just took it. Don't regret it one bit. I also do not regret that I did NOT hit him in the face when he told me to. To this day I don't know how I resisted, but I did, and I'm glad I did.


Too bad you didn't have a good old iron skillet within reach Hope. Much more effective than your fist.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Too bad you didn't have a good old iron skillet within reach Hope. Much more effective than your fist.


I did. Several actually. It's all I cook on.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I don't regret kicking my wife out both times she cheated on me.

I don't regret slashing the OM's BFG offroad tires the first time I caught her at his apartment on DD1.

I don't regret calling her family both times she cheated and telling them what a wh*re she is. 

I don't regret calling the second OM's wife after DD2 and telling her about their affair. Best thing I ever did.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

In my case i ironically i dont regret keeping my wits about most of everything because I can see that it drives her more insane that i have not threatened, lashed out and so on.
I do like bandits slashing tires and the other post on burning everything and emptying the house but i still live in that house with my kids she moved out.
I definitly dont regret the multiple copies of her confession of her affair i have courtesy of my droid when i confronted her after suppossed no contact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## artlady (Jul 17, 2011)

I don't regret snooping for as long as I did. I don't regret snooping, period. If I hadn't, I don't think he ever would have told me. He claims he would have, but to this day, I think his fear of losing me and our marriage was greater than the need to tell me the truth.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I don't regret stating I wanted a divorce.
I don't regret waiting 2 weeks to make a final decision to R.
I don't regret getting an STD test
I don't regret requiring that my wife would be completely transparent with me
I don't regret the hysterical bonding
I don't regret the hours upon hours of talking on that porch step and finding a way to reconnect and understand each other.
I don't regret forgiving
I don't regret not forgetting and snooping
I don't regret the decision to R


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

disbelief said:


> In my case i ironically i dont regret keeping my wits about most of everything because I can see that it drives her more insane that i have not threatened, lashed out and so on.
> I do like bandits slashing tires and the other post on burning everything and emptying the house but i still live in that house with my kids she moved out.
> I definitly dont regret the multiple copies of her confession of her affair i have courtesy of my droid when i confronted her after suppossed no contact.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I went back and reread your thread. Reading about your wife's self destruction was like watching a slow motion train wreck.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I dont regret going after the OM (after he told me how it was gonna be) and watching him tear up the road in his companies pickup to get away from me.Geezz,OM doesnt own a vehicle and has a sleeping room,
he does'nt like being called a loser either,I enjoyed it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

While my bf was in the shower one morning, I thought I would check my FB account only to find that he kept his FB account always open on his laptop. I decided then that I would have a look when he wasn't around (he had already given me the keys to his apartment.)

I consider myself lucky that he wasn't so big on security that I could have a look at his yahoo account and FB as well as receipts floating around his apartment.

I shudder at the thought that if he were a more private person, I would not have enough hard evidence that he was having a sham friendship with his ex. 

At least with this message board, I know to expect in any relationship where I am asked to "give up" something, that it is not too much to expect transparency between the two of us.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> I punched him in the chest. No regrets.


Why is it ok for women to hit men?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Why is it ok for women to hit men?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It isnt ok. I just dont regret it.


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## artlady (Jul 17, 2011)

> I don't regret the decision to R


Most of all, I don't regret that, either.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Wife had been serial cheating on an off for years, finally had hard proof of "in love sh!t" emails with OM3. She wanted to R, pleaded for mercy, said she would do anything to "make it right". 

I don't regret...

1) She had been gaslighting me somewhat to her parents. Drove her to her parents house and asked her to "tell them the whole truth" and I mean the details of who, where, and what she did and said, how she lied about everything. The instant realization of truth on their faces was something I will never forget.

2) My wife is a compartmentalizer... She just buries what she doesn't want to think about. I sat down with her and had her read out loud to me the horrible, hurtful words in her emails to OM3. I don't think up until that time she could admit to herself that she was capable of that level of betrayal.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I don't regret sending OMW the 200 plus pages of explicit Facebook and email correspondence that my stbxw foolishly saved on her thumb drive. (Aside: early on in the two year EA, OM's wife found out and had him send a NC letter to my wife but failed to inform me and they just took the affair underground for the next 2 years and it subsequently became a PA. Two marriages might have been saved had she notified me back then. Oh well...)

I also don't regret sending this same information to everyone at the OM's workplace (from the lowest secretary to his boss.)

I get a sense of satisfaction thinking about the look of horror on the POSOM's face when he received the email that I sent everyone using the same name that he used in his underground AOL mail account that he had created to communicate with my WW.


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