# How can my husband's pornography addiction be stopped??



## MissKing08

Before I got married to my husband, he's watched pornography at least 3 times a day...and even now, he still does it. He tells me that I let his addiction get the better of our marriage, but it has effected it to the point where I just want to give up. Along with him flirting with other girls, and watching pornography, I sleep in the living room. It doesn't help that his friends are a bad influence for him, but my husband doesn't seem to care. He tells me that watching those videos are his form of birth control. I don't want our marriage to end up in divorce, and me end up being a single mom...I don't know what to do anymore..


----------



## trey69

Addictions are very strong and take ahold of people in dangerous and unhealthy ways. They ruin relationships. 

Right now he is so caught up in what he is doing, that no matter what you or anyone else says, he will not hear of it. He thinks he is doing no wrong. You can NOT change him. HE can change himself, if she chooses to and when he chooses to. Sometimes it takes a person to hit rock bottom and possibly lose their family before they open their eyes, and even that is no garuntee. 

You will need to make a choice. Spend the rest of your life wondering and hoping WHEN and IF he will stop, or go about your business and learn what you need to do for yourself. I would suggest counseling for you, so a professional can give you some better ideas on what to do for yourself.


----------



## CallaLily

MissKing08 said:


> I don't want our marriage to end up in divorce, and me end up being a single mom...I don't know what to do anymore..


Unless he wakes up and sees the light on how this is effecting you and the marriage, then if you stay this is how your life will probably be. 

So if he doesn't stop and get help, then you will need to weigh your options and see if staying in a unhealthy situation is better than leaving one.


----------



## Runs like Dog

There's one school of thought that says we don't lose addictions we redirect them and substitute something else. So what diversion does OP think might work here?


----------



## Lilyana

Quit honestly hes not going to stop. Ever. Not unless he decides its a major issue and wants to stop. 

According to your post.. he acts like its no big deal. He casts your feelings about it aside. And thinks, "whatever its just birthcontrol". 

Bullsh*t.. 

Addicts usually need to hit rock bottom before they can climb back up. throw him out.. or go stay with someone for awhile and tell him you will come back or let him back when he decides to get help. Make him hit rock bottom.. for men, losing everything or someone they love is rock bottom. 

Don't put up with it, you deserve better. Tell him to choose.. the porn or his family! and then if he makes a choice you act on it! if he chooses you.. MC, IC and no more tolerance for pornography of ANY kind! if he chooses porn.. well you have your answer, he won't give up his crack for you.


----------



## Ben

Runs like Dog said:


> There's one school of thought that says we don't lose addictions we redirect them and substitute something else. So what diversion does OP think might work here?


I like your way of thinking

How many hours per day are we talking about here?


----------



## rag39822

I recently found out that my husband had a pornography addiction. The truth is, you can't stop his addiction. He has to decide it is a problem and that he wants it to stop. I would highly recommend checking out Candeo at candeocan.com. It is an online resource and support center for those with sexual addictions and they have resources and wonderful trainings for spouses of addicted persons. Candeo does cost $47 a month for the student (the person with the addiction) to sign up. It is well worth it in my opinion. The trainings for support people have really helped me to better understand my husband's addiction and what I can do to support him in his recovery. I have also had the opportunity to watch several of the training sessions for the student with the addiction and I can say that I have seen changes in my husband. My husband is the one who actually found Candeo and signed up and did the research to correct his addiction. Once your husband admits he has an addiction and is willing to work on it, the first thing for you to realize is that he is NOT his addiction. If you choose to stay with him, which is a choice only you can make, he will need your support and you to help hold him accountable. Right now you need to realize that you did not cause his addiction. If you have any questions or want to talk to me further you can always send me a personal message as well.


----------



## VLR

You can't make him stop. You can see a counselor to help you figure out what consequences are appropriate for you to implement to protect your self-esteem and to let him know how unacceptable it is to you.

Be prepared for the possibility that he may not stop no matter what you do and you'll have to decide where to go from there.


----------



## RAMPout.com

Runs like Dog said:


> There's one school of thought that says we don't lose addictions we redirect them and substitute something else. So what diversion does OP think might work here?


I agree with Runs like Dog. With effective activities and strategies the brain can learn to accept substitutes instead of the chemicals produced by viewing pornography.

Hopefully you can get him to commit to a program that can help him re-wire his brain so he no longer needs pornography. It can be done.


----------



## gardensparrow

So sorry you're dealing with this issue. Responding to a spouse's pornography addiction certainly isn't easy! But, it sounds like you're tired of living with this and I don't blame you. 

As far as advice goes, I agree with the comment about seeking out some counseling. Is that something your husband would ever agree to? I think that's really key for him to be able to fight this addiction. However, even if he won't go, I'd still suggest you consider meeting with someone and get some help in knowing how to respond to this. It may be that some tough love is in order and a counselor could help you with this strategy.

Lastly, if you're interested, I've heard this issue brought up a lot during my time at Focus on the Family. And, there's some articles here and here that may give you some guidance. 

Well, you'll be in my prayers. I hope you and your husband are able to find some healing!


----------



## LastDance

Trey is spot on. Even after my husband admitted he had a problem and went through the motions of working on it it took my leaving for him to hit bottom and "really" begin the work needed to be "sober". 

Do not do like I did. Do NOT wait to get help for yourself. It took me nearly 7 years to find someone to help me with this. We lived in a town of 300 and even the larger ones had no one trained to help me. 

I suggest you find and buy "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse-How Partners Can Cope and Heal" by Barbara Steffens. I've included a link to Amazon's listing so you can take a look and maybe even read the excerpt. 


Amazon.com: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal (9780882823096): Barbara Steffens, Marsha Means: Books

You don't have to do this alone. You are in pain and need some help. There is no shame in that. The shame here is his to bear not yours. 

If you need to vent or just to talk to someone who has been there and is still there in the healing message me. Sometimes it does a world of good just to get some of it out to someone who "gets it". 

Hang in there. 


trey69 said:


> [...]
> 
> Right now he is so caught up in what he is doing, that no matter what you or anyone else says, he will not hear of it. He thinks he is doing no wrong. You can NOT change him. HE can change himself, if she chooses to and when he chooses to. *Sometimes it takes a person to hit rock bottom and possibly lose their family before they open their eyes, and even that is no garuntee.
> *
> You will need to make a choice. Spend the rest of your life wondering and hoping WHEN and IF he will stop, or go about your business and learn what you need to do for yourself. I would suggest counseling for you, so a professional can give you some better ideas on what to do for yourself.


----------



## error

Just tell him that he is hurting yer feelings by this odd addiction, you are a woman , and others who is in those videos have nothing more than you , so , tell him to get normal


----------

