# I am officially filing my divorce papers tomorrow



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I have made the decision to file for a divorce pro se as the state I am filing for divorce in, allows pro se divorces for uncontested divorces. I met with my stbxh last night and we went over all the forms together and are both in agreeance to everything. Tomorrow, I wil be meeting him again so we can sign and have notarized all the forms and have it all filed with the court. If all goes well, we could be divorced by next week. I do look forward to being free of him but a part of me does feel some sadness as death is never easy (the death of my marriage). I do know that divorce is the best in my situation. I have been lied to, abused and cheated on for 15 years, and I know he would only continue this treatment of me. He is also now quite heavily involved with the ow (he still denies it but c'mon, I know better) and that is something I want no part of. They can have each other. I hope she is worth it to him. And I know, in time he will pay with more than just money. He has lost family and friends, including his own 14 year old son who refuses to have anything to do with him.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

I am excited and happy for you! I'm so sorry, at the same time--but I think you know this is best.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Congratulations, Apple. I think this is the best decision for you because it's clear he wasn't willing to quit the affair for your marriage.

GOOD FOR YOU.

Also glad to hear you won't have to deal with lawyers. I hope you are happy w/ the agreement you guys set up so there will be no bad feelings in the end.

Yes, a divorce is like a death. It takes a long time to get over the end of a marriage and the end of 15 yrs but you will survive and come out better on the other side.

Kudos.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Anonymous_Female said:


> I am excited and happy for you! I'm so sorry, at the same time--but I think you know this is best.


me too. It's an odd mixture of happiness and sadness but no regrets at all. No second thoughts on if this is right. I know this is right.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Congratulations, Apple. I think this is the best decision for you because it's clear he wasn't willing to quit the affair for your marriage.
> 
> GOOD FOR YOU.
> 
> ...


I did have to sacrifice a little bit and it was something I thought long and hard about. But I decided in the end, it was not worth fighting for and I just want my life back.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Dear AD ~

I sincerely wish you all the best.

Very Hurt


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

You've done so amazingly well. You should be very proud of yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Hey Apple! I'am happy for you it is a sad transition but look it as your life as a book and there are all these chapters in it. Your turning the page to a brand new exciting chapter. Remember when you were asking when in another thread how to let go? Well you did, you just know it's a feeling that won't go away. 

Once you decide your done honestly everything becomes easier to deal with and remember to try not to confuse yourself worse for missing him the way he was or the way you want him to be. 

Remember the good but also remember the bad, in your case the bad outwayed the good in your relationship which is why your here at this point. You have friends here and and your life, your doing great and just do everything for you not for him, just for your sanity. -Kris


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

You deserve to be happy. I've been through a divorce and I know it can be a bit scary. I settled into a relationship really soon afterward and ended up here. ( we are doing better now, but...) 

I think part of it had to do not knowing how to date after being married for almost 9 years and I was also worried about feeling trashy if I went out with too many guys. So, my advice to you would be to try to embrace being single and don't be afraid to date around when you're ready. I know you like this guy you dated before, but don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. 

I wish you well! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How'd it go? Did you file yet?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> How'd it go? Did you file yet?


I went to file the papers at the courthouse but because I am filing to sue as a poor person in order to get fees waived, the judge must first approve the waiver, and the court cannot file the papers until a judge approves the waiver, however, I was able to get signed and notarized all forms that needed to be signed and notarized and good news is that the judge can approve the waiver and do the divorce hearing all in the same sitting. There is open walk in court tomorrow, that we will go to, and if all goes well, we may be divorced by tomorrow morning.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wow. That fast??? How come you can get divorced so fast? Are you stateside? 

Either way, congrats on taking hte first steps


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

My guess for the short time frame of the divorce would be due to it being uncontested. Apple does not have to have her husband served nor wait the 30 days for him to file an answer to her divorce complaint. Also, if she lives in a small town, the time to get a hearing set is probably a lot shorter than in a big city.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

karole said:


> My guess for the short time frame of the divorce would be due to it being uncontested. Apple does not have to have her husband served nor wait the 30 days for him to file an answer to her divorce complaint. Also, if she lives in a small town, the time to get a hearing set is probably a lot shorter than in a big city.


Yes, this is correct. This is an uncontested divorce. We have already split what is his and what is mine. We have come to an agreement on custody and visitation. Also, the state I am filing for divorce in (Illinois is where the divorce will be filed), has no waiting period at all if both parties agree. My friend had an uncontested divorce a few years back. It was done and over within a few days of filing. All the forms are filled out and signed and notarized. All we need to do is show up at the courthouse tomorrow.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wow. I didn't even know there were states w/ no waiting period! That is kinda neat.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Wow. I didn't even know there were states w/ no waiting period! That is kinda neat.


Illinois is the only state in the union that does this with uncontested divorces.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Well, I am still married. UGH!!!! I soooo wanted it to be over this morning. The waiver to sue as a poor person was denied so now I need $400 to file the papers with the court house. I called my dad and I will be borrowing that from him and then I can file again on Monday. Well, after court, things got ugly. The stbx started threatening me. In the court papers, he signed and had notarized a piece of paper that says he would waive his appearance in court and that he fully understands and has agreed to all terms of the divorce. Now he is saying he wants that paper back. I said no. He then began to threaten to take my car away from me. (The car is in his name but it is still legally marital property, so he cannot by law just take it from me, and I also have a paper where he has agreed that I can have this car in the divorce) So, he actually called the cops on me and had the cops show up at my house. He stood there in my drive way, with an officer present and told me to give him the paper. I said no. He said to give him the paper or he would take the car. I said that, "you want to take away my only means of transportation all for a piece of paper?" and I told him that I would give notice to him when I went to court so that if he really wanted to be there, he could show up at that time. He tried to argue his work schedule with me but I told him to just take the day off. I said I would tell him when I would go and he can show up. If he cannot make it at that time, then that's not my problem, I gave him notice. So, anyways, I told him if he kept threatening me, that I would get a restraining order against him. He said he was not threatening me. I told him that when he asks me for something, and I say no, but he comes back with "give me what I want or else" that is a threat. The officer did nothing but stand there and I said to the officer, unless he needed me outside for anything, I was going to go back in. The officer said no, and I went back inside and then the cop and Stephen left.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I think reality might be starting to hit. Get that divorce filed ASAP and don't give him that paper back!


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I am sorry it didn't go as smoothly as you would have liked AppleDumpling.

I think this is one of the reasons most jurisdictions have mandatory wait times for divorce. He has obviously changed his mind in regards to what he agreed to. It will be curious to see if the court allows him to change his mind.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

NO MORE CONTACT WITH HIM AT ALL, Apple. 

He is doing the typical psycho wayward move ...when they see the D is real, they start acting REALLY weird/crazy.

Lonely, get ready... LOL


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Good news for me is that all the papers he signed, and we had all papers notarized too, those are all still good with the court. (I called and asked the circuit clerk about it) and in those papers, is his signature agreeing to everything, including him waiving his right to appear in court because he signed all papers agreeing to everything. When I called to the circuit clerk to ask why the waiver was denied, she said she did not know why, that is the judge's decision, but she said I could come back Monday and speak with the judge personally and maybe he would change his mind. So, that is what I will do. I will go back Monday morning to see if I can't get the fees waived after all. And Jellybeans, the only reason I had contacted with him today was for court, otherwise I do avoid contact with him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well it was necessary to contact him re: court, so that is fine, but from now on, only talk to him about the kids and the divorce. He has already demonstrated he's losing his marbles. If he signed the final decree already-sweet!


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Keep those papers in a safe place Apple! I would hate for your stbx to find an underhanded way of taking them from you. If he's acting wacky, he may not be above finding a way into your home to get them. Fingers crossed all goes well Monday morning!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

oh, and also, when I got up this morning, I found him sleeping in his car parked in front of my house, Wtf????


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yeah that is what I was thinking. Don't let anyone know where you have those papers, mmmkay? he could get sneaky and try to have one of the kids get them for him or come to your house with a key or something.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> oh, and also, when I got up this morning, I found him sleeping in his car parked in front of my house, Wtf????


That is creepy. He's up to something. I don't like it. 
Make copies of the paperwork.
Be on guard and be vigilant.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> NO MORE CONTACT WITH HIM AT ALL, Apple.
> 
> He is doing the typical psycho wayward move ...when they see the D is real, they start acting REALLY weird/crazy.
> 
> Lonely, get ready... LOL


Oh no! I'm terrified! WTH? Think mine will act this way when he gets the proposed settlement agreement? Why would they freak when the D is real? That's what THEY want! I don't get it. I guess maybe it's about losing control? Please fast forward for me. I think this is going to be a loooooong summer. 

Apple, I'm so glad you got the papers signed. I hope it's enough for you to get what you want. Why are men so psycho?!


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> oh, and also, when I got up this morning, I found him sleeping in his car parked in front of my house, Wtf????


WTH is that about? Was it because you were going to the courthouse together? Did you ask him what the heck he was doing? Haha. WEIRD. Be on guard. You don't know this man.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> Oh no! I'm terrified! WTH? Think mine will act this way when he gets the proposed settlement agreement? Why would they freak when the D is real? That's what THEY want! I don't get it. I guess maybe it's about losing control?


Yes it has something to do with "losing control" as well as them finally having to face reality and realizing that limbo won't last forever on their terms. Your husband WILL act strange when he gets served, mark my words.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

Good for you. I spent 3k for an agreed divorce where all the guy did was have me fill out a 3-page questionnaire which was then clearly used in some sort of mail-merge-like program to generate the forms.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Yes it has something to do with "losing control" as well as them finally having to face reality and realizing that limbo won't last forever on their terms. Your husband WILL act strange when he gets served, mark my words.


My ex went through about five different freak-outs, one for each step of the process, and yes she was the cheater and I was the initiator.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Maybe ow doesn't want him anymore and now he can't stand the reality that he lost control over you and that you are a strong, independent woman who has said ENOUGH.

Give the papers to your father. And call the cops next time he does something crazy like sleep or hell, even be outside of your house. I'm afraid even if you got divorced on Monday, you haven't seen the last of this behavior. A restraining order sounds really good to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Yes it has something to do with "losing control" as well as them finally having to face reality and realizing that limbo won't last forever on their terms. Your husband WILL act strange when he gets served, mark my words.


Okay, I'm buckling up for the ride. Darnit. Kind of funny that he was the one hoping this could be "amicable". I think yesterday's freak out about the locks being changed is all the proof that I need that you're 100% right. Ahhh. I digress.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

He did ask me last night if he could spend the night because he "had nowhere else to go" I said, no. He could not sleep over. I told him to go crawl in bed with his girlfriend. He said, "The invitation is always there" so I looked at him and him said to him that if the invitation is there, then go over there and crawl in her bed. Dont be asking to sleep at my house if you have an invitation to be elsewhere. He had no answer. So, then he left that night. I was expecting him to maybe go to his mothers house or find a friend, but instead he was in his car sleeping parked in front of my house. And I do not feel the least bit sorry for him. This is what he wanted.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> NO MORE CONTACT WITH HIM AT ALL, Apple.
> 
> He is doing the typical psycho wayward move ...when they see the D is real, they start acting REALLY weird/crazy.
> 
> Lonely, get ready... LOL


but this is what he wanted? he wanted this divorce, so why would it make him act crazy?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Apple, give the papers to your father like someone else said. 

He is ridiculous for asking to stay and sleep over. I am glad you shut him down. He's trying to biat you with the "the invitation's alway sopen for me to go be with OW." 
What a d!ckface *********. Kee up the good work.



ManDup said:


> My ex went through about five different freak-outs, one for each step of the process, and yes she was the cheater and I was the initiator.


Doesn't surprise me. It's part of the script.



AppleDucklings said:


> but this is what he wanted? he wanted this divorce, so why would it make him act crazy?


I wish I could explain WHY they do this but I can't really. It's just part of the wayward's entitlement. They want to control the entire process on THEIR terms. And once you start regaining footing by: agreeing with them, validating what they're saying, accepting it's over, they start acting REALLY funny. Even if it's what they wanted. Especially if it's what they wanted. It's so backwards. Because they realize they aren't holding the puppet strings anymore. It's typical and normal for them to do this. If you file for divorce or counter anything they say/decide, it makes them lose their sh*t. It's actually kind of funny if it wasn't so serious. 

When my H took me to court to sue ME for $ (when he makes more than double my salary, oh and he lost by the way, the judge looked at him like he lost his damn mind) he called me later saying he didn't know what he was doing, that he was confused, that he was unsure. By then he had sent me at least 5 different pieces of paperwork from his attroney threatening me that if I didn't sign the agreement he made (handing everything over to him) then he would see me in court on X date. I told him at that this time, after filing for divorce and suing me and everything else he'd done, if he wasn't committed to working on US, then I didn't want to talk to him about anything other than the D, which by the way, HE wanted. 

Well he lost it. He told me that he had NO problems with dragging the divorce out as long as possible "I don't care if it takes 10 yrs, Jelly!"--said I was trying to ruin his life, that I looked so happy in court the day he took me to sue me. He later admitted he never had any desire for getting any $ from me, he just did that as a safety precaution cause he wanted to "scare me" into signing my life over to him in the D. Now imagine my confusion as he was saying he didn't care if the divorce took ten years when HE is the one who wanted the divorce! He called me and yelled at me some more the day HIS attorney set up the final hearing date per his request. It's nuts. Completely insane. But totally normal for them to act like this. The mind boggles.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

He probably thought he could get you back into bed and regain control. The car thing was more manipulation. What happened to his hole in the wall room? Why couldn't he stay with.his mother? If skank Ho would have him, why not there? Pure manipulation.

He is all about control. Too bad it is now biting him on the ass. Poor him. Just don't buy anything he tells you. He's a liar.

And I really do think skank Ho dumped him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I am going back to court Monday and since all papers are signed and notarized, I should (fingers crossed) be able to get the divorce finalized then. I hope I can explain to the judge that this man is nuts and I need to be free of him. My stbx has signed a court appearance waiver which states he fully understands and fully agrees to everything in the divorce and this means he does not have to be present for the divorce. I told him I would give him notice of when I would go again but maybe I just might develop a little case of amnesia too and forget to tell him and just get the divorce anyways.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Remain cool and calm in court.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Don't tell him. You have to protect yourself. Judge can check police reports. But you really need documentation if he is outside the house again.

I would actually be afraid he'd try to break into the house for the papers. He is a scary person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> I am sorry it didn't go as smoothly as you would have liked AppleDumpling.
> 
> I think this is one of the reasons most jurisdictions have mandatory wait times for divorce. He has obviously changed his mind in regards to what he agreed to. It will be curious to see if the court allows him to change his mind.


even if he does change his mind, he is too late. I already have his signature on all the papers and everything has been notarized too. All that's left for me to do now is go before the judge.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah that is what I was thinking. Don't let anyone know where you have those papers, mmmkay? he could get sneaky and try to have one of the kids get them for him or come to your house with a key or something.


I have changed the locks on the house and if he breaks in, then that is a criminal charge against him for breaking and entering. I would press charges if he did that.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Happy Anniversary to me. May 21, 2011, would have been 14 years today. I'm not sad about it though, it's just another day.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Congrats on celebrating freedom from your tormentor
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ LOL yes... too true!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Hmmm, this is interesting. I just found an e-mail my stbxh sent his ow. This email was sent today at 2:35pm. It said "I, (his name) will not go into any (her work place) that (her name) is working at. Sincerely, (his name) Do you suppose she dumped him? If she did, all I have to say is hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Too late for him to come back to me.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Hmmm, this is interesting. I just found an e-mail my stbxh sent his ow. This email was sent today at 2:35pm. It said "I, (his name) will not go into any (her work place) that (her name) is working at. Sincerely, (his name) Do you suppose she dumped him? If she did, all I have to say is hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Too late for him to come back to me.


O
M
G

:lol:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Apple.he may have meant for you to read the email. It does not sound like it is something he would send to OW does it but, more like a no contact letter to convince you he is no longer seeing her. He is obviously trying everything he can to get you not to file. Not because he wants to come back and work on the marriage. He wants you in his life so he unloads all of the more unpleasant aspects of his person and presents to OW his good side only. Makes her think he is a good catch. 

Now that you are getting rid of him, she gets him full time. Only you know what she is dealing with.  Probably got a little rough and he now realizes he can not maintain his nice side and is not so lovable to the OW without you. He may already have started to treat her the way he treated you. He is under stress and he may have lashed out at her since you are absent. So he is attempting to put you in a position to string you along so he will have an easy time with his new love. 

Poor thing, only now does he realize that the getting his freedom has several disadvantages. Loss of money, family support and more importantly the support of a very special person who is irreplaceable. You!! Too bad for him. Please don't let him manipulate you back into limbo. He may also realize that he will not have enough money to squire her around now that he has two households to support. 

Don't think for a minute that he and the OW are over. They will probably be back and forth for awhile, he may be able to wheedle his way back to her until the next time his real personality leaks out. She will eventually get tied of dealing with him full time, he is poor and nasty not an attractive combination. I would consider a restraining order Apple, don't be flattered by his attention it has nothing to do with you and all to do with him getting what he wants and not what he deserves. This is inappropriate behavior you need to take it seriously, it will not stop after the divorce. Please don't continue to leave yourself open to his abuse. You are not yet being self protective enough. You are doing a million times better but you still have a ways to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nomoreever (May 21, 2011)

Hi, I am sorry to tell you that the same trick was used with me. I kinda felt some hope that she (girl of my dreams lol) was coming back for me on her knees asking me for forgiveness but eventually she stayed with the man she cheated with and i was only abused for another 2 months. She even sent me his emails to her where he supposedly told her he don't love her. Still they are together now and probably having the laugh of their life so TRUST me its all a game. I will not advise you as i am going thru a very hard time my self and actually need help, but i tell you this, the least you ow your self is to discard these pathetic attempts because i felt so so bad when at the end she stayed with him and continued to treat me the same way.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I dont believe he did this so I would see it. I believe something is "not right" in happy land. But, even if it just an attempt to fool me, so be it. Let him play his game. I am filing the divorce papers on Monday and hopefully it will all be officially over then.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Apple How did you manage to let go? I was reading your thread started early May saying, you thought some days the stress would kill you. Please tell me your secret as I feel the stress is killing me right now.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

I suspected ow didn't want him anymore. Explains his ridiculous behavior with cops and sleeping outside. Poor him. Again, what happened to his hole in the wall room? Nothing, that's what. Pure manipulation.

You have come so far AD. An inspiration.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

reindeer said:


> Apple How did you manage to let go? I was reading your thread started early May saying, you thought some days the stress would kill you. Please tell me your secret as I feel the stress is killing me right now.


I finally grew a set of balls and got pissed. I simply was not going to take his crap anymore.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

ClipClop said:


> I suspected ow didn't want him anymore. Explains his ridiculous behavior with cops and sleeping outside. Poor him. Again, what happened to his hole in the wall room? Nothing, that's what. Pure manipulation.
> 
> You have come so far AD. An inspiration.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He does still have his hole in the wall place but the place is an hours drive away and he was in town because of a death in his family and he did not want to drive the hour back and forth, he wanted to stay in town. He had asked if he could stay at my house and I told him no.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Smile , stand back and wait for him to free fall, paradise is not waiting for him. Karma awaits him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

He can't drive an hour? What is wrong with him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

ClipClop said:


> He can't drive an hour? What is wrong with him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He can't afford the gas


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I'm going back to court in the morning. If all goes well, the divorce could be finalized tomorrow. Will update then.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Ohhh that's what it is. I could not understand, he seems to have been looking for a free hotel room. He got pissed because you got those balls, he fully expected you welcome him into your warm embrace and he may have thought you would not file in the hopes that he changed his mind. 

This must have knocked him back a bit. Made him a little crazy. When the funeral is over he will go back to the OW. Apple I don't know why you think the email was not meant for you to see, it comes when he finally realizes that you will not be around, he is going to suffer financially and he realizes that he needs you to stabilize his relationship with the OW.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Good luck tomorrow, AD! Hope things go your way. I wish it were that easy for me. I'm still waiting for the lawyer to draw up the divorce settlement proposal for me so it can be sent to him. Crossing my fingers that it's almost done so he knows I mean business!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Ohhh that's what it is. I could not understand, he seems to have been looking for a free hotel room. He got pissed because you got those balls, he fully expected you welcome him into your warm embrace and he may have thought you would not file in the hopes that he changed his mind.
> 
> This must have knocked him back a bit. Made him a little crazy. When the funeral is over he will go back to the OW. Apple I don't know why you think the email was not meant for you to see, it comes when he finally realizes that you will not be around, he is going to suffer financially and he realizes that he needs you to stabilize his relationship with the OW.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He has no idea I can access his emails. That's why I do not think he made this email to the ow as a distraction.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

But how is this a communication to OW. It makes no sense. I he does not know you are reading then his other emails must reveal why this was written. Did she email him requesting that he stay away? Or have the emails between them seem to lead up to this one? 

If this email is out of the blue and an abrupt change, then something is up and it may not be what you think. I harp I on this because I want you to be a little more suspicious where he is concerned so that you are prepared for any tricks. He is not going to give up trying to control you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

That letter sounds like maybe he was told to stay away from her plaace of work. Maybe he did something skeevy. Idk .. the tone is strange. Nonetheless...good luck tomottow in court.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

That's what I think, jelly. She told him agree or she was going to the police.
I'm sure she was very impressed with his threats to AD. Plus whatever he was stupid enough to be honest about his past with AD. Yeah. He's a real catch.
Not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> But how is this a communication to OW. It makes no sense. I he does not know you are reading then his other emails must reveal why this was written. Did she email him requesting that he stay away? Or have the emails between them seem to lead up to this one?
> 
> If this email is out of the blue and an abrupt change, then something is up and it may not be what you think. I harp I on this because I want you to be a little more suspicious where he is concerned so that you are prepared for any tricks. He is not going to give up trying to control you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There are no emails from her in his email. Not one anywhere. I looked in all files and folders too. Perhaps she asked him on the phone or via text to stay away? I have no idea what is the deal with that email. It's funny to me also and I have not yet solved the mystery. Far as any of his tricks goes, he can try all the tricks he wants, I am not giving in to him. How stupid he must have looked calling the cops on me friday to try to make me hand him a piece of paper that was my property anyways. Whatta dipsh*t.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> That letter sounds like maybe he was told to stay away from her plaace of work. Maybe he did something skeevy. Idk .. the tone is strange. Nonetheless...good luck tomottow in court.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks Beans, I am hoping for the divorce to be finalized. It's funny but I have this strange feeling I was supposed to tell someone about something I was going to do....ahhh but dang it, it has slipped my memory.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

ClipClop said:


> That's what I think, jelly. She told him agree or she was going to the police.
> I'm sure she was very impressed with his threats to AD. Plus whatever he was stupid enough to be honest about his past with AD. Yeah. He's a real catch.
> Not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whatever is going on, I hope he is miserable.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

Maybe her BF (if she has one) found out what she was up to and Apple's STBX send the email per her request which was then forwarded to her OM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Still legally married, ugh. I did speak to the judge this morning and he said that we must take a parenting class before he can sign the final divorce decree (ugh again) some new law requires divorcing parents to take these classes. I called to register myself for the class and the next one is for June 4th. But, all my paperwork is now officially filed with the courts and I do believe this makes us now legally separated. At least I have legal freedom from him that any debts he occurs from now on is his and I am no longer legally obligated to him. That part feels good. Still, going to be a few weeks, perhaps a month before we are officially divorced though.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Glad to hear you took another step forward to end this thing.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Yes, now that the paperwork is officially filed with the courts, that makes a huge difference. I am almost there. I hope so anyways. This is twice now that I've gone to court only to be told more needed to be done. I hope this stupid parenting class is all that's left now.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

That 'stupid' parenting class might open your H's eyes, who knows. Oh and why are checking his emails?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Ok, what does it mean when they start being nice to you? Don't get me wrong, it don't matter how "nice" he is going to be, I ain't taking his lying, cheating, no good ass back. But, this is a big change. Last weekend he had called the cops on me because I would not give him something he wanted (the dumb ass. he never got it either.) Now, a week later and he is being really nice. WTF? Ok, so my car took a poop. It died and the cost to repair it is more than it's worth, so I am looking for a new car. He is now offering to help me make sure I get a good car and that he would be happy to look at cars with me to make sure I dont get "taken advantage of". So, then we have to take a parenting class on June 4th. (Part of the stupid state's requirements for divorcing parents. It's mandatory. Blah.) Ok, so he asks me if he could stay the night the night before and that he could drive us both to the class, just in case I dont have a car by then. I said no. He says, it's ok. He understands that I would be uncomfortable with him in the house because of what he did. What the hell??? His normal reaction would have been to call me a b!tch. Then he's been giving me odd little compliments like acknowledging my education and saying he is proud of me for all the hard work with school Ive done. Just a week ago, he was a raging lunatic now he's being nice. Uhhh???? What's the niceness about? Dont worry, he can be as nice as a puppy kiss, I aint taking him back but I am wonder what the heck this is all about.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

Sounds to me as though he is trying to ease his guilt, Apple. Like show you he's not such a terrible monster after all.  Thank goodness you already know different!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Maybe he wants something from you. So he's trying to butter you up.

Maybe it's his guilt. Maybe he realizes the pain he's caused/causing you. 

Maybe OW dumped him on his a$$. 

Who knows. But don't bite. (It doesn't sound like you're going to anyway). Atta girl!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

The ow has not dumped him yet. His sister (whom I am very close to) was telling me today that he was at her house yesterday and he received 2 phone calls from the ow while he was at her house. I do not know what the nice is all about. I dont think my husband even has a conscience to be able to feel bad about with.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Going back to court in the morning. Possibly the divorce would be finalized??? I am not sure though since I've already been to court twice now only to walk out still married. Although, for some odd reason, I do have an impending sense of dread. I dont know why. I want this divorce, I want to be free of him, I want to be able to start a new life. But yet, I do feel some sadness. That's normal right?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Yup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Although, for some odd reason, I do have an impending sense of dread. I dont know why. I want this divorce, I want to be free of him, I want to be able to start a new life. But yet, I do feel some sadness. That's normal right?


Totally normal. You spent a great chunk of your life w/ him. Marriage bonds people in a way different than any other kind of bond. Your feelings are natural. 

How did things go in court today? Crossing my fingers for you.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

It's over. We are now divorced.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> It's over. We are now divorced.


How are you feeling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> How are you feeling?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At the moment, I'm not feeling anything either way. I'm not happy it's over but I'm not sad either. It's kinda surreal right now is all I can explain.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

OMG that was a fast divorce!

Apple, I am sorry this is how it ended up but you really are so much better off w/o him. He was dead weight at this point.

Now you are free to find yourself and spend some time along getting yourself together. 

Re: Him..try to be the best co-parents you can despite everything that happened.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

Congratulations Apple! Here's to moving on with your life.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Maybe he wants something from you. So he's trying to butter you up.
> 
> Maybe it's his guilt. Maybe he realizes the pain he's caused/causing you.
> 
> ...


:iagree: I respect a woman with balls; :smthumbup: One that knows when to be aggressive and take a stand. 

*Abusive people always try to play the sweet card when they feel bad about their actions. *

My mother was VERY nice to be me when she saw that I was serious about leaving home. After years of abuse, despite my pleading with her to stop, the witch suddenly had insipid little I love you gifts for me. It just made me even angrier; I shoved them back at the manipulative snake and told her it was too late, she blew her chance.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

After we left the court house, he hugged me and said sorry. I did hug him back but I did not acknowledge his apology. A little too late for that now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Find two songs: "Apologize" by One Republic and JoJo's "Too Little, Too Late" and crank them up today.

But don't get overwhelmed w/ sadness. 

Find a song that makes you HAPPY & crank it up!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life!!! (without that a$$hat!)


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Wow, that was fast! Dang! Feel free today, Apple! 

Here's a virtual toast...cheers!


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I would quietly drink some wine with AppleDucklings...no happy toasts since a divorce is sad, no matter how much of a prick the husband was.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

My friend took me out to lunch. It was nice and another friend of mine is taking me out saturday night.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Congratulations! Call up that fella and ask him out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

ClipClop said:


> Congratulations! Call up that fella and ask him out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL, well that's who took me out to lunch


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Oh, you neglected that little tidbit, you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

OMG! that was super fast! 

No court impossed waiting period? parenting classes? lawyers ?

wow, thats great for you. My W is moving out this week, still havent finalized the D... I had to go to parenting classes, need to get paperwork finalized (terms child support) and then I gotta wait 30 MORE days after that...... Brutal.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> OMG! that was super fast!
> 
> No court impossed waiting period? parenting classes? lawyers ?
> 
> wow, thats great for you. My W is moving out this week, still havent finalized the D... I had to go to parenting classes, need to get paperwork finalized (terms child support) and then I gotta wait 30 MORE days after that...... Brutal.


we did not hire lawyers. I did all the paperwork myself. We did an uncontested divorce and in the state where we divorced, there is no waiting period for uncontested divorces. We did have to do a parenting class though.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

It's been 4 days now since my divorce was finalized. I have not yet cried over it. I think I did all my crying 2 months ago when we first separated. I want to thank all my great friends here for their help and support. JellyBeans, Paramore, Lilyana, Pit of my Stomach, ClipClop, Ing, are a few names of those who have given me great advice. I appreciate you all so much. If I didnt mention you by name, I still do appreciate you very much. I wanted to say I am happy, I am doing good. I am looking forward to my future and to creating a new life for myself.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Good for you AppleDucklings! Glad you're doing well and the drama of going back and forth to court is finally over. Now you can move on and enjoy that new and hopefully better life.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

You are a true success story, AD. We are all so proud of you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Wish you the best AD, good luck.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Whoa Apple glade to see your out the rough neck of the woods! It's good that your moving on with your life and everything is falling into place for you. Think of it this way, you are finally free, now you can just concentrate on you . Have fun with your friend keep it light you can prob do all the things you couldn't do with your ex that you could do with your new friend. go out this weekend! Have a romantic dinner or take a nice pick nick somwhere, now is your time. Enjoy. Kris


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Be sure to stay here and update us AD. I'm sure there will be rough times, divorce is painful and we are all here to support you! I'm so glad you are focusing on the positive and your future! Great job!


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