# Helping a husband step up to manhood



## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I found this today when I was feeling certain that I will forever be married to a boy and not a man:

5 Ways to Help Your Husband Step Up to Manhood

It's very Christian, to forewarn. But it's just want I needed to see today, and I thought someone else here might find it as encouraging as I did.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

northernlights said:


> I found this today when I was feeling certain that I will forever be married to a boy and not a man:
> 
> 5 Ways to Help Your Husband Step Up to Manhood
> 
> It's very Christian, to forewarn. But it's just want I needed to see today, and I thought someone else here might find it as encouraging as I did.


Is this change coming from him, northernlights? He must be the one to WANT the change.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Well, ideally he'll make changes. But if I can make changes that make him want to change, then I'll gladly do it.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

northernlights said:


> Well, ideally he'll make changes. But if I can make changes that make him want to change, then I'll gladly do it.


There is no doubt that he will benefit greatly from your support, NL, and that your behaviors may help lead him to change, but, like a horse- you can lead him to water...

Has he communicated that this something he wants... NEEDS to address?


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

He doesn't communicate much of his own volition. When I ask him, he says he wants to make changes. But, he's never initiated a conversation on his own about making changes. I know that that doesn't bode well for his true intentions, but we have kids, and I don't want to give up. I feel like I've run into a million brick walls with him, and it's taking me a lot of faith and patience, but like I said, I want to keep trying. At the very least, even if the marriage ultimately fails, I want my girls to have a better father, and that keeps me from giving up on him.

It's a long back story. If you check through my posting history, it's all there. 

Why are you asking? Do you think it's probably hopeless? Please answer honestly, I'd never be offended by honest advice!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

northernlights said:


> He doesn't communicate much of his own volition. When I ask him, he says he wants to make changes. But, he's never initiated a conversation on his own about making changes. I know that that doesn't bode well for his true intentions, but we have kids, and I don't want to give up. I feel like I've run into a million brick walls with him, and it's taking me a lot of faith and patience, but like I said, I want to keep trying. At the very least, even if the marriage ultimately fails, I want my girls to have a better father, and that keeps me from giving up on him.
> 
> It's a long back story. If you check through my posting history, it's all there.
> 
> Why are you asking? Do you think it's probably hopeless? Please answer honestly, I'd never be offended by honest advice!


I'm a walking testament that it is never hopeless (read my post)... but, something has to trigger that decision for him. Even if he were to go along with your suggestion- you've at best got "compliance." To get "committment" it has to be from within.

Stay strong for yourself and the girls, NL... hopefully he'll catch up.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

I think it's positive that he says he wants to make changes... at least he outwardly admits he needs them. Now he just needs the trigger


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Thanks 41362. I will stay strong. I found your thread, and good for you! 

I'm planning to separate in 4-5 months. Because we're moving, it'll be easy--he'll just follow a bit later than he would have if I didn't want the separation. I hope it's the push he needs, because if it doesn't work, I'm out of ideas.


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

I wish you the best NL. Hopefully the "5 Steps" will help him. If it doesn't provide the necessary spark, I do believe the separation HAS to force him to make a decision. 

I'm pulling for you and your girls.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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