# Hurting, am I losing a 40 year marriage?



## OpusX1 (Jun 6, 2010)

I am a 58 year old married male. About 4 years ago a bunch of guys started golfing and playing poker one night a week. Leave home around 5:30 and return around 1:00-2:00 AM. 
Last week I did not feel well after golf so I skipped the poker and was home around 9:30. My wife was not home as she has been going line dancing or shopping with a girlfriend on poker nights. 11:30 comes and she is still not home and I am worried. She finally gets in around midnight and was surprised to see me and says that she went to the girlfriends house after dancing. I know this is a lie as the car came from the opposite direction of girlfriend. When I call her on it she admits to being at a single male friend of ours home for 3 1/2 hours drinking wine and talking. I got angry, she says nothing is going on that they are just good friends. So long story short after fighting on and off for the last 5 days I find out from her and from looking up old phone records that this has been going on for the last 3 years. Is it possible that nothing is going on and they are just talking or Am I a fool for wanting to believe her about nothing going on and that they are just good friends? We have been happily married, or so I thought, for 41 years this Oct.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Who knows. 

Probably not innocent.

Why wouldn't she have ever mentioned it in 3.5 years if it was innocent?

Like, "Oh, I was over Bob's house the other night and we were talking about. . ."

Sounds fishy to me.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Scannerguard said:


> Why wouldn't she have ever mentioned it in 3.5 years if it was innocent?



I still don't know what's harder to comprehend: That spouses expect us to believe that crap they tell us or we're stupid enough to believe it.

3 years of her seeing this guy and NEVER telling you? Come on man! You don't need to know any more. It's an affair whether they're physical or not. This is bad. You've got a real problem in your marriage. Don't let her sweep it under the rug.

DON'T WHINE AND CRY LIKE THE REST OF US HAVE DONE. This relationship is wrong, PERIOD. You don't need to beg her for answers. "This is how it is honey. You either come clean and explain what we're going to do to fix this or keep sleeping in the guest room".


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Would you have a relationship for 3 years with a single female and not have taken it to the bdrm? Let's be serious.


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## cantclearhead (May 1, 2010)

opusx1 I to am going thru an affair or I should say my wife had after 40 years of marriage ...Maybe its a 40 year thing...Trust me it is more than just talking like other people have said..It has to be addressed and dealt with ... It will be hard enough to deal with once you know the truth from her but you will never be able to deal with it if dont instantly both get into counseling and get it out in the open..I am only into the process for about 5 weeks and my mind is a mess but i am trying to decide if i want to stay married..Wish you good luck .


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

She's lying.

Pay him a visit.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

3 years without ever mentioning it? She must think your a real idiot to believe that. I have an easy solution. Pretend that you have set up an appointment for her to take a lie detector test. Be REAL CONVINCING that you already paid the money and that the appointment is next week on Tuesday, or something like that. Tell her you are not only going to be asked if you slept with this man, but you are also going to ask if she ever did anything inappropriate with him. Tell her if she passes the test, you will apologize to her, and never bring it up again, and she can continue this friendship. If she balks at any of this, you'll have your answer. Or if you don't want to go that route, drop the subject and continue on as normal. The next time you go out for poker, have a PI follow her and get proof of what she is doing. Make sure he takes pictures so she cannot deny anything. There could be a small chance she is telling the truth, but I think it is a very small chance. Odds are she is in a full blown affair with this man. Confront her with the lie detector thing, she'll give you your answer right there.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I agree with russ.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Me too.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

I forgot to mention, that if you tell her you set up the lie detector test, and she agrees to take it, you should then really set one up and have her take it if for nothing else, your peace of mind. Who knows? She could be good at bluffing too!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

She's having an affair and a pat of the reason she is is because you've taken your eye off the ball and been so focused on poker that you didn't even notice her sneakiness.

Not blaming you, but I am sure there have been hints about this prior to now.

I am sorry it's gotten to this. 

She is cheating.


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