# Should i be worried???



## sweetpeajh11 (Jun 11, 2012)

i know that snooping is worng, but when i snooped on my husband, i found that he still watched porn and one particular time i saw a message from him to another girl asking if she would sleep with him. this was a while back but it still hurts me and its always in my mind. i dont know if he is still attacted to me or not. he tells me that he loves me and that im sexy to him, but the only time that he get frisky is when he is playing around and is never serious. what should i do!! please help me.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I'm not sure how you wouldn't get worried if your husband messaged another woman about sex.

I'd confront him on it, even if you did snoop. Snooping may be wrong (I don't agree) but what you found is much more wrong. 

Do you know if the relationship with this other woman went anywhere or if there were any other messages to/from him involving her or other women? How long ago is "a while back?"


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## sweetpeajh11 (Jun 11, 2012)

it was last september and she told him that she didnt feel comfortable doing it. i dont think it went anywhere. how do i bring that up in a converdation?


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

so what would have happened if she had felt comfortable doing it? and who's to say he didn't find someone who did?
yes I'd be worried


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## sweetpeajh11 (Jun 11, 2012)

im terrified to lose him. he is my best friend. not sure how to go about this the right way you know.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

you know, I thought my ex was my best friend too
best friends don't treat each other like this
I know it's scary but you have to lay it on the line - do you want to spend the rest of your life thinking about what he MIGHT be doing?
life is too short sister, confront him


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## sweetpeajh11 (Jun 11, 2012)

thanks =)


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

When did you find out about it?

This is obviously something that is tearing you up inside so it'll have to be dealt with or you'll just have it festering in you, building resentment and anger. That's likely worse than not dealing with it.

About three years ago I did the same thing. For some reason I felt a bit worried, so I went into her facebook and found out she had been messaging a guy in a flirty way, very suggestive. I had the same issue as you, should I say anything since I only found out by snooping? 

Well, it took a week, but I did say something, though she knew something was up too because I was acting weird. It caused a bit of a fight, she got defensive about it. But she admitted that she could see why it bothered me.

It took time and we worked through it. I think the reason we got through it is I decided quickly whether or not I wanted to stay with her or not over it. I decided to stay, and I immediately put the incident behind me. I'm not saying I didn't think about it, and on occassion we still talk about it, but I don't harbor resentment over it because that's not going to help us move on. She knows that if it were to ever happen again that I'd leave without even saying good-bye, and that's that. 

We have moved on from it and have grown much closer together, are engaged and are more in love now than ever. 

If you talk to him, and I always advocate communication, be ready for him to get defensive and get upset at your snooping. Remind him that you only snooped because you felt the need to and your need turned out to be justified. That justification is the greater of the two evils. 

Before talking to him though, you should decide if you want to stay with him or not (it sounds like you do want to stay). If you do stay, be prepared to do your best to leave it in the past and to help him and yourself take the steps to make sure this doesn't happen again.


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## sweetpeajh11 (Jun 11, 2012)

I found out shortly after it happened in september. He was underway and i was using his computer cause my was messed up. I really do love him. He know s that something is bothering me. I just dont have the guts to say something. And i know that it needs to be said
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sweetpeajh11 (Jun 11, 2012)

I am more than prepared to leave it in the past
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Is there a reason why this is bothering you so much as to post about it now, nine months after it happened?


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## sweetpeajh11 (Jun 11, 2012)

I feel like he is slipping through my fingers. And I want advice on what I can do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

don't ignore it - I discovered something two years ago and got a plausible excuse for it and didn't think for a minute that it meant anything, although it was nagging away at me 

and two years later here I am going through a divorce


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

I think the only advice at first is to ask him what is the e-mail all about. Get his reason, but listen to your gut and if you don't believe him, tell him so. Either way, the only real productive course of action is to ask him about it and see what he has to say as to why he did it. I doubt any reason he'll have is a good one, but listen and go from there.


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

sweetpeajh11 said:


> im terrified to lose him. he is my best friend. not sure how to go about this the right way you know.


he maybe your best friend, but clearly, you are not his if he did this...


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## sweetpeajh11 (Jun 11, 2012)

thank you all for the advice. i really do appreciate it. ill talk to him about all of this. thank you again.


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## sweetpeajh11 (Jun 11, 2012)

what can i do besides talking to him to get him to stop watching porn?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

If he messaged one woman he probably messaged others. Given the ridiculous number of women willing to do this nowadays, I'd guess if he's looking for sex online he found it.


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## sweetpeajh11 (Jun 11, 2012)

we are going to get through this. tonight. i need this off my chest... thank you everyone.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Good luck, and remember to be firm in your beliefs but genuienely listen to what he's saying as well.


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