# My wife is delusional



## wubby (Apr 18, 2009)

My wife subscribes to this site and has asked me to join as well. I am not ultra conservative but then I am not ultra kinky either. I believe that some of the things she has read on this site have detracted from our marriage and even led her into extremist views of me. Since I was resistant to post anything, she wrote this up for me to post. This is her view of me and while it is not a complete surprise, I was a little shocked and it does explain a lot of the arguing. 

Here it is:

_I thought i would give you an idea of what to write on the post, you can always change it if you'd like.

Here it is...

Am I oversexed???

I am 48 y.o. man and married for 24 years with three children. I have been wondering for some time already if there is something wrong with me. My wife seems to think that i am oversexed, because according to her I think too much about sex. We have sex about twice a week, but I also masturbate at least 4 times a day.

I have to admit that I do fantasize alot about women and have watched pornography on and off throughout our marriage. As I said earlier I self gratify several times throughout the day. When I watch T.V. I find myself searching for images that will give me a thrill, images of attractive women whether during comercials, movies or even a simple show such as Star Treck. I even dream about them sometimes.

When I go out in public with my wife I feel the desire to look at other women and later on fantasize about them, that gets me into alot of trouble with her, she says it takes away from our relationship, and we argue about that alot. I can't seem to be able to look at an attractive woman without wanting to flirt or just wanting to fantasize about them. My question is, is this normal? do other guys feel this way. I love my wife but we argue this alot.

I would like your opinions and I have been reading Mark Twains posts and also would like his opinion about my situation. Thanks in advance._

Lets start with the first paragraph. It is essentialy correct except for the masturbation part. I have always been a one time I'm done type of guy. Occasionaly I have been able to get erect and orgasm 2 or even 3 times but that was many years ago. I have masturbated at times during our marriage and looked at on-line pornoghraphy. My wife found some pictures on my computer 8 months ago and I confessed to her to our marriage counselor and to a SA group. I have been sober since then and I feel very proud of myself. One thing I have to mention, my wife has on a number of occasions over the past 7 years told me that she was giving up sex. Because all of my hormones didn't fall out of my body when she said this, I guess self-sex was my way of compensating. In retrospect, we should have gone to counseling right away. One more thing, I think its impossible to masturbate 4 times a day. Wouldn't my penis fall off or something?

The second and third paragraphs are sistemic to the first paragraph and I belive show her insecurity. I admit that I can find other women attractive physicaly and at times felt a sexual desire towards them. I also think this is normal and most men and women have thoughts of fantasy. As far as the flirting goes, it never happens. If I say hello to the waitress at a restaurant or the grocery clerk, my wife blows up and accuses me of flirting. My wife even accused me of having an affair with my married, pregnant boss. I never know what will set her off and I live in a constant state of anxiety. 

I know this is a long post but I need some help. She truly believes what she wrote and that is a big problem for our marriage. I love my wife very much and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't want to lose her.

BTW: she is going to blow up when she reads this. If anyone does respond to this post, please be very honest and remember, we both see things differently.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

wow, sounds like she wrote a confession for you. 

"I have been wondering for some time already if there is something wrong with me"

"When I go out in public with my wife I feel the desire to look at other women and later on fantasize about them"

I would venture to guess that all men (me included) look at other women. but i dont TOUCH other women. I only have sex with my wife.....when she says we can...lol. Maybe thats why i look at other women.


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## Fritz (Apr 3, 2009)

except for porn part seems kind ofnormalfor me.


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## Shael (Apr 23, 2009)

Over sexed.. What a really immature thing to say, hah. Masturbation is normal for guys, it in no way, shape, or form shows and lack or lust or passion or wanting, it's simply biological. I work in healthcare and sometimes, a good' fap before hand reduced the shakiness in my hands, relieves stress and gets endorphines rolling. 2-4 times per day... is relatively common, I must say.

Ok, second paragraph. She has issues with herself being attractive or sexy to you, and is spiteful when it comes to your viewing or pornography. Fact: Pornography is normal, it does NOT indicate deviation from a relationship, it does NOT create a development of feelings towards random young ladies on the other end of the screen. Men are VISUAL, we get turned on by what we SEE and HEAR and FEEL, but when it comes to our personal relationships, it's the TRUST and BOND and INTIMACY and REALNESS/CLOSENESS of that other special someone that makes us stick and hold loyal and true. What's her problem, anyways? Unless this is a serious addiction, an intensive collecting or viewing habit or a drain and distraction from your own sex life, heck.. I guarantee you it's more beneficial and literally no harm. She's jelous your looking at other women, but has to realize men aren't women. Yes, shocking that the two are different.

K, here she is pointing out how much you two "argue" about this in the next paragraph. Oh, so you look? Big deal. You stay out and look at the menu and appreciate beauty, but you come home for the steak. ( No, I'm not calling her a piece of meat, it's an analogy ). Do you think she is innocent of NOT looking? Call her out on this. If she says she doesn't look, she's lieing to you. I guarantee-it 100%. As long as your both faithful and come home to each other, the only reason this is an issue is if she has trust problems. In my opinion, you shouldn't enter a marriage if you have issues over LOOKING at other people. Jesus Christ, it's natural- everyone does it.

Don't be afraid and make your own posts here.

She encouraged you, didn't she?

Just don't make this forum a proxy for dealing with each other. Sit her down and talk to her about all this face to face instead of playing this ridiculous little games. We're not teenagers anymore folks...


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## GoodGirl (May 8, 2009)

Hello, I am a woman I masturbate almost daily if my husband denies me. I watch porn to inspire a better orgasm. I check out men all the time and fantasize about them. I would enjoy sex on a almost daily basis, even if it was just a quickie. FYI I can orgasm while giving a Blow Job so I count that as sex,because I enjoy it too. The only thing I don't count as sex is if I don't get off. sorry to be so blunt, and crude, but in this forum I guess we can be honest. I would never admit this any where else. The point I am making is that the definition of sexual deviance is anything you would not do. I find you normal, healthy and rational, because I would do what you do. your wife finds you abnormal and she should have more compassion for you. In the same light you should comprehend she can't fathom why you are sexually different from her. I just wanted to let you know not just men think you are normal. There are women out there just like you. I also think I am married to the male version of your wife, only I would be lucky to get it twice weekly.:smthumbup:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I agree with goodgirl.

Neither you, nor your wife's libido is abnormal. the problem is the disconnect in desire. She sees the solution as you leaving her alone and while you're at it, stop relieving your desires by yourself.

You see a solution being her having more frequent intimacy.

What a frustrating trap.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

michzz said:


> What a frustrating trap.


:iagree:

Based on the information here, there is nothing wrong with you. I think we can conclude that you're human! We're all sexual beings but you and your wife seem to be miss matched. So now what..... If you both care about the marriage and each other you should be able to discuss the issues and work on compromises. It will probably require you both stretching out of your comfort zones a bit.


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## They Call Me Smooth (May 5, 2009)

Wow if jerking off is cheating then I have to tell my wife a lot of things.

While I wont go as far as saying your wife has issues, I will say her views of you seem way out of place.

By the way I love the idea of my wife writing a letter like this. I really gives some good insight as to how she views you.


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## Icee (Mar 31, 2009)

I'm a woman and i think you're normal, your wife is normal however your levels of desire are disconnected. Pornography is not something you should "confess" about unless you have a problem. If she is threatened by it, then the body issues she may have are yours as well to help her deal with. And finding others attractive is natural, normal and healthy. We should appreciate beauty around us and some flirting is okay, just be sure you are not embarrassing you wife, yourself or anyone else.


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

I think your a normal healthy guy , most men masturbate as i sure lots of women do .
im sure we have all checked out people when walking through town ...doesnt mean you want to have sex with them .
fantisize guilty as charged i fantasize about my wife all the time !!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

wubby you are a normal male, 

I have been with my wife 20 years, I find all kinds of woman attractive and I am nto afraid to say to my wife, " wow she is hot!" Did that as she was watching her soap Opera yesterday.

I masturbate daily, but usually involves thoughts of my wife and something kinky.

Has your wife ever self masturbated? played with a toy?


Maybe you should become a catholic priest, they don't have sex either....poor chap


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