# This is a strange one.



## SmokinHot (Oct 15, 2014)

Folks please forgive me if I ramble a bit. I came to Tam as a lurker a couple of months ago before actually registering. I had such a strong suspicion that my wife was having an affair and I was desperate for help. I made several posts about this and received many helpful responses. I also received many that were not. There are several folks on here that if I said "My wife wore black shoes today" would be quick to respond with "The B#tch is obviously cheating on you, call the OM's wife!" Those were not helpful.

I have spent the last 3 months in hell because so many things my wife was doing added up to at least an EA and possibly a PA. I've not slept in months, I can't eat and I've been barely functional. I've never experienced anything like this.

Using many suggestions from this group, as well as my own investigative skills, I gathered a lot of circumstantial evidence, but never any rock hard proof of an affair. The most I could come up with was several instant messages, texts and phone calls from and to a guy she worked on a project with a few years ago and had become friends with. Those messages drive me nuts, but appear to be innocent. 

This weekend I finally confronted her with my "data", not because I wanted to but because she knew I was being eaten inside by something and drove it out of me. We have been talking nonstop for four days and I've come to the conclusion that I misread the situation. There appears to be reasonable explanations for everything that happened. I know those same naysayers are chomping at the bit thinking "The b#tch is lying", but I don't think so.

Here is my problem. I've spent the last four or five months believing she was cheating. My trust in her is gone and I still have lingering doubts and still suffer the pain, although it is easing. For her part how does she prove something did not happen? She understands why I felt as I did based on the circumstantial evidence, but she is not happy at the accusation. How do I get the trust back? It would almost have been better to find that she had done something, so that we could begin the healing process.

I'm not meaning to bring politics into this, but I think I need to implement what Ronald Reagan said, "Trust but verify" and maybe over time I'll get it back. I'm wondering if marriage counseling would help. Your thoughts?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes and yes!

Trust but verify and MC is a start. You can discuss your trust issues and your old lady can discuss why she almost brought her husband to his knees with all her red flag behavior.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Just in case you missed my point....Don't go into MC thinking it's all you....your old lady has to also address her behavior.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

a gut feeling about a spouse cheating is not to be taken lightly. That said, sometimes you can just be paranoid. 

I personally would keep checking every once in a while until the urge fell off. You can not prove that she is innocent, but with enough positive reinforcement, the doubts in your mind will eventually go away


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

What kind of discreet investigation did you do. 

Did you hide VARS and plant a GPS in her car?

Whats the circumstancial evidence.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Troll...Troll in the dungeon!


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