# am I reading too much into this??



## Moe2020 (Apr 1, 2020)

My husband and I have together for 7 years and been married almost 3. About a month ago he started going to work an hour early. No big deal, he said he just wanted to grab coffee and being awake when his shift started. then he starts staying up late and not going to bed together like we have our entire relationship.

he went out with his friends one night came home drunk and said he wants a divorce. He said the spark is gone and there is no communication. I call/text all the time with no response. I will put on an outfit or try to be romantic and I get a, “I’m tired, not tonight”


Well, Last week I got our cell phone bill and saw the usage of calls and texts spiked. I combed through the logs and saw a number I didn’t know. Now mind you, I have never had a reason to not trust him so doing this was all a first for me. I searched the Number and saw it belonged to a 29year old woman. I facebooked her and what would you know. She works at the same place as my husband.

i immediately confronted him and asked what the deal was. He denied anything. Said she was “just a friend”.

we fought, and I ended up leaving for the night. When I returned the next day he states he loves me and wants me. Blah blah blah.

I put my foot down, said he is to never speak to her again. He said he ended the “friendship” but was upset because he had no one to talk to. Talk to me!?? Talk to you guy friends. Anyone but her! Am I wrong for that?

we are now one week from me finding this out and I am not sure how to cope. He stopped going to work early and then decided to take time off to spend it with me. But Everytime his phone rings or goes off, my mind races. Is it her? I’m just not sure what to do.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Well there is a lot to do so I will start I guess at the beginning. 

1) Understand that if they still work together, the affair still continues. So she or he has to get a new job. 
2) I hate to tell you this, but the odds overwhelmingly say that they have been sleeping together. Adults for the most part have sex. 
3) You and him are going to have to read, lots. How to help your spouse heal from your affair is the first book he needs to read. 
4) There is a lot more, someone will have a more extensive list. But honestly, don't make any decisions about reconciliation yet. Take some time, find out the truth about the affair, because you do not have the truth so far.

There is just a ton more stuff to know so others will fill in the blanks.


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

I'm going to be blunt, they are either sleeping together already or were one the way there and you caught it early. Full stoppage of contact needs to happen so he needs a new job, immediately. But I'd be snoopy AF to find out if he screwed her already, cause then his **** needs to be roasted in an outdoor fire pit. Not even remotely sorry, cheaters are garbage.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I think he needs to find a new job too, but that's not the entire solution. There will be other women...at other new jobs. And if the root cause of why he did this doesn't get fixed, he will likely develop more ''friendships'' like this one. First, this isn't your fault. This has nothing to do with you dressing sexy or not. Or being more interesting, etc. It has to do with his character, and that when things get boring at home or he wants some attention, he'll not set proper boundaries. Does he think you never get hit on? Flirted with? You don't act on it. Hard to say if he had a full blown affair yet, but definitely an emotional one had started. I'm not impressed ever with people who are caught in the act, suddenly doing a 180 and professing their love. lol If you hadn't caught him, he would still be doing it. But, this doesn't mean your marriage is doomed, it just means that your marriage needs some counseling help. Maybe individually even. I hope you both grow together and not apart from the experience, but don't accept blame for your husband's actions. Keep us posted.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Moe2020 said:


> My husband and I have together for 7 years and been married almost 3. About a month ago he started going to work an hour early. No big deal, he said he just wanted to grab coffee and being awake when his shift started. then he starts staying up late and not going to bed together like we have our entire relationship.
> 
> he went out with his friends one night came home drunk and said he wants a divorce. He said the spark is gone and there is no communication. I call/text all the time with no response. I will put on an outfit or try to be romantic and I get a, “I’m tired, not tonight”
> 
> ...


What has he done to help you through this. And get the book ....

Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
Book by Jean Coppock Staeheli and Shirley Glass

It will assist you in what boundaries he crossed. And will inform you and he. And what he must do to earn your trust again. But if he resist he's already made a choice. And is only staying until he can figure things out.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The easiest part of staying with a cheater is the initial decision to try to make the marriage work. The rest of it is hard and that can last for years.

Some cheaters learn their lesson the first time and some don’t. Right now you don’t know which type he is and there’s a lot of uncertainty. Your mind doesn’t stop wondering what’s next.

I lived that life for decades and I wouldn’t go through it again. Your outcome may be different. I hope so.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Moe2020 said:


> I put my foot down, said he is to never speak to her again. He said he ended the “friendship” but was upset because he had no one to talk to. Talk to me!?? Talk to you guy friends. Anyone but her! Am I wrong for that?


So you basically had to act like his mother and *demand* he stop cheating on you with his other woman. Surely you know this is a *physical* affair they're having, don't you? I say "having" because the chances are EXTREMELY high that the first chance Prince Charming got, he contacted her and apologized for all the chaos and told her he doesn't want to stop seeing her - he just has to lie low until the heat is off. I'm willing to bet my right arm that's *exactly* what he told her the first chance he got away from your prying eyes.

And if he does switch jobs, that won't matter. If he still wants to be involved with her, he'll continue to be involved with her no matter where they work.

I'm just trying to be *realistic* with you. This isn't the last you'll hear of this woman nor is it the last time you'll catch these two in contact. Most cheaters really don't cut contact with their affair partners just because their screaming betrayed spouse demands that they do so. They just CLAIM that they did, but it would appear the clear majority of them do not cut contact.

From everything I've ever read, seen and experienced, most cheaters simply aren't worth the price tag of reconciliation.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Moe2020 said:


> About a month ago he started going to work an *hour early. No big deal, he said he just wanted to grab coffee and being awake when his shift started. Then, he starts staying up late and not going to **bed together like we have our entire relationship.
> 
> ***He went out with his friends one night came home drunk and said he wants a divorce. He said the ****spark is gone and there is (now) no communication.


A) *An hour early, this, an hour stolen from you. 

Or, he went in an hour early to meet her for breakfast.....
Or, maybe, she sampled some sausage, he, some hot-crossed buns. 

Dunno.

B) **He does not come to bed with you because he no longer has a sexual interest in you. 
Another woman has taken your place. 
That sacred place under him, when he does his husbandly duty.

He does not want to cheat on his new GF, aw, it would just not 'feel right'. 
All that.

C) ***Did he go out with friends or just with one, one who was laden with perfume, sported boobs, and lipstick?

Dunno.

D) ****Aye, the spark,, as he sees it with you, it is gone. He peed on it. The fool then lit another cooze, at work.

Dunno.


The Typist-


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## Help1107 (Dec 12, 2014)

I've been in your shoes before. My now ex husband. Did the exact same thing to me. He started messing around with a co-worker, when I found out I exposed to everyone. We tried to make it work, he got another job, guess what not even a year later he found a new, younger, woman. I kicked him out and filed for divorce. Please don’t waste your time, it’s to short and you deserve someone so much better.


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