# Did I do anything right?



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I'll be the first to admit that stbx and I struggled throughout our whole marriage. Between my depression/anxiety issues and money issues, it's not been an easy road for us. Even through our 12 month separation I am still trying to dig us out of tax and other debt and fix the mess that "we" got us into by rug sweeping our financial responsibilities. So today while trying to keep him informed as to where I am in the process and what we are going to owe all I get from him is how it depresses him at how out of control it got. After this conversation I got to thinking, not once have I ever heard from him that I ever did anything right in our relationship. Was I really that bad? God knows I tried to keep everything running in our household. I did a majority of the raising of the kids, the bill paying, the cleaning, the cooking, etc., etc. and hold down a full time job (as most of you have, I'm sure). It just really stinks to think that he doesn't appreciate anything I'm doing and may never have appreciated anything that I did throughout our whole marriage. Was the last 30 years really a total waste for him? Nothing like kicking someone when they're down.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

He is looking inwards. Doing what he needs to do to make himself feel better.

You are looking outwards, looking at him and hoping he isn't looking inwards .. like he is.

As hard as I try, I cannot turn that dime into a quarter.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

One places blame while the other accepts it or tries to deflect it, and no healing really is accomplished...

Until he starts to help fix the finacial burden, stop trying to fix it yourself...stop carrying him on your shoulders and start walking tall yourself!


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Never underestimate the power of self preservation! 

You're going to be blamed for everything so long as he refuses to accept any responsibility. There's nothing you can do but accept it just to get him to stop blaming you and leave him alone to stew in his own misery. Without you there to pick up the pieces or fight with him, he'll have nothing to mask his grief and sooner or later he'll have to deal with this. In hindsight you'll be greatly missed once his kids don't call because their sick of the he said she said and he's in further debt.


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