# Hi everyone, unfortunately I am back



## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

I discover this site 3 years ago when unfortunately I was going through the same situation I am now. As for my story I am 30, wife 26 married 6 years together 10 and we have 2 kids. We have been seperated for about 3 1/2 weeks now. My story seem to be like most here. 

I have been with my wife since we were young, kids when we were young. I gave her everything she wanted and spoiled her. She Had medical problems and I was always there even promising her a few months ago when her health outlook looked bad she asked me to promise that if things got worst that I'll always be at her side , which I did. Few short months later her health improves and now she says she's unhappy and can't do this anymore that she doesn't want to be with me, it's time to make her and the kids happy.

I've done stupid things in the past but nothing worthy of divorce. I've never cheated, no drugs or alcohol and no violence as I never have laid a finger on her. She claims to being unhappy are me not spending enough time with them, not showing them affection, and playing video games. I dont think know if someone else is in the picture but i guess you never know. She asked what would I would think would be better , for us to stay together and she cheat or us divorce.

Again I say this is the second time this seperation has happened, the last 3 years ago. I don't understand because have always gotten along good and no signs of trouble till she is at that point and forces me out. I do admit that she has told me and warned me about needing to spend more time with them but I have. She only tends to see the negatives and never gives me credit for all the positives I've done. 

Over the past few weeks of seperation, the feelings of depression, anxiety, and lonely Ness have gotten worst and it will continue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Adding on to my original post.... I admit like I did with her that I didn't do as much as I should have and could have done with them but me not doing anything with them and me being a bad father is a straight up lie. She says this will make her and the kids happier which blows my mind. Seems like a selfish thing she is doing and the only one she is making happy is herself. She would probably describe me as a monster which to anyone who knows me this would be laughable. I'm a mild manner person who doesn't get mad for anything, my only fault is now showing my true feelings. 

Wife is famous for over reacting and blowing things out of proportion. The first time we sprayed was for same circumstances but we finally came to her senses and asked me back saying she was hurt and pushed me away. I have that feeling she is doing this again but she is stubborn and wants to rush things. She is a spoiled brat and doesn't take a step back and think things through before she becomes a ugly person. Her whole family is made at her because of what she is doing and she is mad at me like it's my fault. But they see what she cant, that I'm the best thing that has ever happened to her but her hurt and hate for me right now doesn't allow her to see that. Again I'm not an angel and no one is but it hurts to love someone so much and then get the bomb dropped on u that she's doesn't want to be with you anymore because you don't make her happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Read Married Man Sex Life Primer.

Find "the 180" on this site and implement it immediately. Do it for yourself, NOT to "win your wife back."

Leaving the marital house is a bad idea. If you can, move back in.

You ruled out most of the common "dealbreaker" behaviors in your post that possibly merit being divorced. And you seem prepared to try to change to save your marriage.

Sometimes a spouse just gets stupid (either sex is capable of this happening).


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Thanks for taking time to respond. Yes like I've said before I've been here and am familiar with the 180. I feel confident enough in myself to know I am a good man, husband, father, provider. There is always room for improvement in those categories and I will work on myself. I just think the wife still acts immature and needs to grow up. Sometimes things don't go your way and no marriage is perfect but to completely push me away for the problems we had are BS. She is looking for an excuse and a poor one at that. Everyone else sees the mistake she is making and that she has a good thing but that only causes her to rebel more. The more her own mom tells her what she is doing is wrong, the more mad she gets and has to prove ever one wrong. My thought is someone is filling her head with something wether it be a friend just wanting her to live the single life with her or a guy trying to sweet talk her. All I have to say is she will realise that the grass isn't greener and she won't find someone that has trade her as good as I have.

I'll look up the no more Mr nice guy and read up on it. Thanks


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I think the real question is "why is she looking for an excuse?"

If she is just semi-psycho as you indicate, then you've got an i possible battle. She is who she is, snd that's not really going to change. Maybe with professional counseling for her, but it certainly doesn't sound like she'd be willing to go.

I would totally stop trying to define yourself as in the tight, and her as wrong in the court of public opinion. No one wins there. 

The 180 is THE direction to go for you. And fwiw, I'd think so is a little investigation on your part... it sure would seem like she gets interested in someone else from time to time, and when it looks positive, she then looks to ditch you. Just wondering, have you ruled out an OM

Still trying to figure out what you see in her and why you acceot it when she treats you this way. Twice now; a pattern...


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Yes I agree with you. She always plays the victim. I don't know why I deal with it but I just don't feel I have a choice in who I love. Like I said everything is good and then this happens and it the second time it has happened so it's not like the marriage is bad all the time.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Lamailman said:


> I discover this site 3 years ago when unfortunately I was going through the same situation I am now. As for my story I am 30, wife 26 married 6 years together 10 and we have 2 kids. We have been seperated for about 3 1/2 weeks now. My story seem to be like most here.
> 
> I have been with my wife since we were young, kids when we were young. I gave her everything she wanted and spoiled her. She Had medical problems and I was always there even promising her a few months ago when her health outlook looked bad she asked me to promise that if things got worst that I'll always be at her side , which I did. Few short months later her health improves and now she says she's unhappy and can't do this anymore that she doesn't want to be with me, it's time to make her and the kids happy.
> 
> ...


Lawyer time!!! You've been replaced!!!


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## marriedman321 (Mar 7, 2013)

Tobyboy said:


> Lawyer time!!! You've been replaced!!!


Agree. My wife did the same exact thing. She was a big time victim. Told me a divorce would be better for our son, made me out to be a monster, and her family thought she was crazy. I finally found out through her family she was cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Yea I haven't seen anything to make me suspect it but just from the way she is acting out, I get that feeling that that's what's up with her.


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## Motic (Aug 5, 2014)

Lamailman,

I feel for you man! I'm going through the exact same situation right now, and my wife is acting the same way you've described yours. Check out my thread in this forum called Seeking Advice. It's so tough when your a good person, a hard worker, and always there for them but they leave because they needed more attention, affection, or fun. What BS. At this point we have to make our decisions based on the assumption that there is someone else even if we can't fully prove it right now.

Motic


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Move back into the marital home or you may get accused of abandonment, which could seriously affect your divorce and child custody/support issues, which are in the near future.

Move back in today...if she wants to leave, she can leave. Maybe take over the basement, whatever, just get back into that house, ASAP.

180. File for divorce. Start working out daily and eating healthy. Take back some control in your life.

You can't control her, you can only control what you put up with.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Motic,

Thanks for the reply, and I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through this situation also. My wife is the same as yours described in your thread. I am admitted to my faults of not showing enough affection and giving them attention and although she has said it's both our faults she won't say what her fault is. My wife is a notorious overreacter and this is what has gotten us to this point. She will get hurt/ for whatever reason (not just this situation) and just go off the deep end and not want to see that person again. Of course she don't mean it but she reacts that way.

From reading many guys posts here about their situations I have come to notice our exact same situation is a very common occurance. I think men just fall into a "groove or rutt" of live and just get caught up with work, providing, making sure bills are getting paid and we lose sight of the important things and forget to show that affection. But to me it's also up to the woman to snap us out of this every so often and not just let it build inside til it gets to the point where this happens.

Like most here said , work and concentrate on yourself and making you better and everything will work out in the end. Good luck brother.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Update.....

Well this is a rough one. I was supposed to meet my wife (seperated) in town today so I could give her a little bit of money for the kids. We wind up getting into a big heated argument and after everything is over and I give her the money she drops the bomb on me. "And before you hear it from someone else, I am seeing someone, it just started and hasn't been going on"

Well that sums up her behavior. I had suspicions after reading so many stories here about the same exact situation and how it turns out that someone else is in the picture. I don't believe for one second that this just started when we've only been seperated for 3 weeks. I felt I had the right to know who the guy was and she told me his name and I figured out who he is because it's a family friends son.

I always had the hope of us getting back together that maybe she just wasn't thinking straight but this was a atom bomb to me. I am devastated and crushed and don't know what to do. It explains all her complaining about minor things and the blameshifting. A cording to her it's my fault this happened. 

Please just give me some encouragement or something to make me feel better because this is a tough one to deal with.


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## Stillkindofhopefull (Oct 25, 2014)

I'm in basically the same boat. One thing that throws me is how many books about God she is reading. Going on a mission trip in January...medical. I did consider the idea that there is someone else going on the trip. She certainly doesn't often act happy and I've been able to see her phone upon request a couple times but we've been through this before. She pursued me during her previous separation. Had a second phone. It was an abusive situation so I didn't think much of it. I still try not to, I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. That may qualify me for "sucker" but that's where I'm at.


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## Faithful123 (Oct 29, 2014)

Stay strong however hard that is, go for a walk in the fresh air look around and think less from time to time, give your brain a rest wherever you can. The situation you're in is in might seem like a mountain but just take your time. Focus on yourself, be a little bit selfish, I know its hard as we all think about what we had and what it could have been, but that only serves to torment ourselves. Allow those thoughts to come they are unavoidable at time then use any method possible to deal with them. Distraction, work exercise talking to friends and family all help. Reach out and don't be frightened to, people are there for you.


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## marriedman321 (Mar 7, 2013)

Lamailman said:


> Update.....
> 
> Well this is a rough one. I was supposed to meet my wife (seperated) in town today so I could give her a little bit of money for the kids. We wind up getting into a big heated argument and after everything is over and I give her the money she drops the bomb on me. "And before you hear it from someone else, I am seeing someone, it just started and hasn't been going on"
> 
> ...


Well same exact thing happened to me. She acted the same way. 

After a little time you will feel better as it really isn't anything you did. You had no control. Everyone gets bored at times in a marriage. Us included. However, in my opinion, it takes a flawed individual to break up a family just to have more excitement with another person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Man I couldn't Agree with you more. Sure everyone has those thought, me included. You have temptations and of course something new always seems better but in the long term that Shiny new toy will show its defects too. I had the temptations but always pulled away honoring my commitment to my family and my wife that I took a vow with to be together no matter what. It does take a weak minded individual to act on it. I realise I didn't do anything wrong worthy of divorce but a cording to her I would be the devil. The thought process by these individuals that are caught up in this cloud blows my mind and I guess it is something I shouldn't try to understand.


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## Stillkindofhopefull (Oct 25, 2014)

Lamailman - I missed your post that was just above mine. I sure hate to hear that. My stomach sank a little after reading that. My prayers are with you and makes me doubt my wife's situation more than I want. You will get through this, we both will.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Thanks buddy, everything yall share with me is greatly appreciated. My situation matched up with so many other here that it was scary. I gave the benefit of the doubt to her because I thought she was better than that, but after stopping to think about some small little details it got me thinking. The sick in part is they do the wrong and put the blame on you to make u feel even worst. I know better and I know I was great to her and my kids but it still hurts. All we can do is concentrate on ourselves, which I have been doing with exercise and work on becoming a better person. It hurts like hell now and I'm sick to my stomach but in the long run I'll come out stronger. I pray and sympathize for anyone having to go through this.


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## Stillkindofhopefull (Oct 25, 2014)

You may have stated it in an earlier post but did you ever flat ask her if there was someone else and if so, how did she respond?


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

The thing was we never fought much in our years together and she just said she wasn't happy and then the fight and uncomfortable stuff started and she asked me if I would be moving out or her and the kids. I know moving out was wrong but the thought of making the choice that puts my kids out just didn't seem right so I left. I just thought she wasn't happy with some things I had been doing and some time apart might let us clear our heads, never did I think it would come to this. With all that being said I didn't think it was that serious to think their could be someone else, so I never thought to ask. After a few weeks of seperation I came to this board and realise that there are alot of other stories that are just like mine and they mostly end up finding out that there is a 3rd person involved.


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## Stillkindofhopefull (Oct 25, 2014)

What you just said exactly reflected my situation. It was a "me, or her and the kids " ultimatum and I wasn't going to have her uproot the kids. The girls are from a previous marriage and I would like to think surely with this being her second marriage and having 3 kids from 2 marriages she wouldn't think bringing another person into it would be the right answer. 
We have our first marriage counseling class Thursday. Not sure what to expect, considering asking her again, there in front of the preacher/counselor...not accusingly but still ask.
I'm going to pray for healing and patience for you and for your kids...and her. I've come to realize that if we don't work out, it isn't the literal end of the world. I just don't want anymore stepparents involved. I am one so I know what it's like. It can be just fine, still I hurt for our girls sometimes and don't want that for my son. 
I do think being strong on your part , and mine, is crucial right now. No more "I'll do anything to make it better." I've been doing that...and now im sleeping in the same bedroom i had when I'd come home from college. We have our family and their future to tend to, even if it is just us.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Dedicate your life to improving yourself. Learn new skills, gain new friends, and take away focus from her. Right now the bonding hormones in your system for her is pretty high. That is why victims of abuse love there abusers, that darn bonding hormones. By forming new relationships, that hormone goes somewhere else. 

Here is a something to consider. Everyone we know is an illusion. Your brain creates construct of the individuals from what we infer. Simply add this new information to the construct you know as your wife. Don't forget that narcissist are good at being charming. Until you have enough experience with them, you won't see it. Or people say serial killers were nice people and they never saw it coming. Faster you can learn to accept the new information, the faster your vision clears. 

So now accept that you don't know your wife well enough. Learn to detach, and clarity will come. That is why sometimes strangers will see things more clearly. We aren't bogged down with the emotions that skew the information before us. That is why a good therapist is a detach therapist. that is why they can help us see things more clearly, because we are too close and can't focus on the big picture before us.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Good insight. I appreciate you advise and wisdom. I can agree and my top priority right now is for me to be a little selfish. I'm gonna take my time and use it to try to relax, get extra sleep if I can, exercise, and just better myself as a human being and as a dad. I need to get my mind off of her and the situation and as you put it "detach". What makes it so hard is kids. If it was just me and her, I wouldn't have to answer her calls or texts and could just forget about her but with kids I have to keep contact with her.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

That is why you need to be a grounded person first. 

example of this is my cousin. He had a fiancee that cheated on him and they have a son together. When he saw the brick wall that was his fiancee, he simply didn't bother, and walked away. Most on this site will simply keep banging onto that wall until it breaks or they simply become exhausted. He found someone new in 3 months and now they are married for 10 years. He became the stability that his son needed. He had females aunts as stable female role models. Kids don't need parents to be together, they need stable people to be an example of. 

Also detachment will bring indifference, and talking to her won't bother as much. My dad's side of the family, the divorce rate is like 20 percent. Once you become stable, you will naturally seek another stable relationship, and learn to identify bad ones. I call it state of void. Remove as much emotions as possible, and just take in facts. write down information without biases as much as possible. 

Also, keep your independence whenever you enter a relationship. Have something that makes you happy without your partner. Then you can realize that you can achieve happiness without that person.


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## kalimata (Jan 29, 2014)

Lamailman:

Your wife has been cheating on you for far longer than just a few weeks. This most likely has been going on for months. No woman wants to leave their man after meeting a guy for only a few weeks. The fact that she also says that nothing happened is also pure fiction. She most probably has already started sleeping with this guy. Your wife is in a deep fog now and in la-la land with her new guy. She is not the same woman you married.

You really only have two choices:
1) Accept that your wife is a cheater, divorce her and then move on with your life
2) Try to fight for your marriage

Which do you want? If you want to D, then go see a lawyer and start doing the 180. If you want to save the marriage then I suggest you start gathering evidence so that you can expose.

If you want to break up the affair, then ask a mod to move this to the coping with infidelity sub-forum. The folks on that board can help out quite a bit.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

So I've been talking to a few people inside the loop of our situation and it seems she is catching alot of grief from her decision. I know her "fog" is causing her to not see the full picture and the consequences of her actions but I don't think it is going like she planned. After telling me yesterday about her seeing someone, apparently she went to her parents house to break the news. They haven't been very happy with her just because they knew she was making a mistake with the seperation but the news of someone else really sent them over the edge. I know they are her family and will eventually patch things up 
but is it wrong of me for getting enjoyment out of this? I think it's petty of me but also kind of funny that she now has no one to turn to and the only thing she has is whatever she is getting from her friend and her boy toy.


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## dadof2 (May 9, 2014)

Lamailman said:


> So I've been talking to a few people inside the loop of our situation and it seems she is catching alot of grief from her decision. I know her "fog" is causing her to not see the full picture and the consequences of her actions but I don't think it is going like she planned. After telling me yesterday about her seeing someone, apparently she went to her parents house to break the news. They haven't been very happy with her just because they knew she was making a mistake with the seperation but the news of someone else really sent them over the edge. I know they are her family and will eventually patch things up
> but is it wrong of me for getting enjoyment out of this? I think it's petty of me but also kind of funny that she now has no one to turn to and the only thing she has is whatever she is getting from her friend and her boy toy.


Nothing at all wrong with getting some enjoyment out of it. She has put you through hell so its only fair that us BS get a little satisfaction at some point. Be careful though, over time her family will accept her decision and you will be in their rear view mirror in no time. 

That was a huge shock to me. My MIL loved me and I went on many hunting trips with FIL. A few weeks after DDay my STBX had begun spinning her lies and stories to them to make me a monster. I don't know if they wanted to believe it, but at the end if the day she was their daughter and I was just a skid mark where the rubber meets the road.


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## kalimata (Jan 29, 2014)

Does the OM have a wife or girlfriend? The best way to breakup this affair is to inform them what is going on. The OM will probably then dump your wife.

Do you want to R or D? Have you decided?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Your satisfaction probably comes from validation. Keep detaching, there is a possibility of her returning. You need to be detach to see the whole picture, instead of focusing on her. Focus on her will take away focus where it needs to be, which is on you.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Thanks for the advice guys. Yes I am still co concentrating on detaching and going dark on her. Kids make the situation tough because at first she was calling and texting me for every little thing involving them until I told her she needed to cut that out., only for emergencies. The constant calls and texts were hurting me and keeping my wounds fresh.

The OM doesn't have a wife/gf/ or kids so there is nothing for me to expose as they have came out about them seeing each other already. He is only 22, which is about 5 years younger than my WW and I. he doesnt have much accomplished in life and has a history of messing with other men's women as he has gotten his ass kicked to the point of being in the hospital and needing surgery already in his life.
I do have the feeling that for whatever reason she will try coming back eventually but im not sure if I want R or D. I' am still in between as I still madly love her but I just don't know of we could ever recover from this but at this point I am not expecting anything to happen as I think that is best for me to recover. I am concentrating on me right now and my kids and I'll seal with that decision if or when it presents itself.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

If she wants to come back, don't do it. 

Wait until you get your act together. Your deep devotion to her will cloud your judgement.

Wait until you are mentally well, where you are okay with either before you can decide.

Also, take a critical look at her, and concentrate on her traits objectively. You may not want the entire package then.

Some bs fall into the trap of wanting their ww back, but when they get their act together, they find out that they can't get pass the betrayal.

Seek neutral, that way your never over optimstic, and never too pestimistic.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Correct, right now I am just trying to heal, I've been focused on the 180 and have gotten into better shape, improving my attitude and outlook as well as just become a more well rounded person.

I wont rush back into anything as I'm focused on myself and detaching right now. I don't even want to think about R, as I am just living for the current day and will deal with those things when that day comes.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

This up and down roller coaster of emotions is what is so hard about this to me. I read somewhere on this site that infedelity and seperation crushes your soul and I agree with that in 100%. Other than here I have one good friend that I can talk about this situation to and express my hurt and feelings and get things off my chest. The ups and down are really becoming frustrating to me because the first half the day I am ok then at night I am just crushed and down in the dumps. We've been seperated one month now and it's not getting any easier. Any words of advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.


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## Stillkindofhopefull (Oct 25, 2014)

I haven't been separated as long but inlay as we'll have been when it comes to any kind normalcy at home. It's been a roller coaster for the past 5 months. I'd be doing good for 4 or 5 days and think things are looking up but she is so bad about saying anything complimentary that finally i'd ask how she thought things were going and she'd say "I don't know"...then for the next 2 hours I'd basically try to talk about it and only cause a fight and then we'd go down another notch and things would end up worse than when we started.
After a while...like these days for me... I start to realize that the day will come when I will meet someone else that will appreciate me. It helps me from talking to her...not 100% though. I don't talk to any other girls so i kept finding reasons to try to talk to Her...she's my wife for crying out loud. but you wouldn't know it the way she treated me.
I just have to believe that if she doesn't see the effort and faith and love I try to put in, someone else surely will. I'm looking forward to that day. To feeling loved and appreciated and have someone that actually wants to show it.
I struggle with the custody issue with my son. I don't want to go a day without seeing him. That would be the one reason at this point I would still pray for hearts to change and eyes to open. I don't want this for my son or her two kids. Kids aren't meant to deal with this. Is adults just need to be able to keep our acts together. Easier said than done though when it takes two and you're the only one.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Lamailman,

Your wife is a selfish cheater who was simply born and raised to "take" instead of "giving".

You on the other hand are a "giver" thanks to genetics and also your parents' parenting. Your mother probably played a huge part in most of the insecurities you feel as a betrayed husband. 

Read this link and save yourself from a slow death. Divorce her as soon as you can:

DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

You have that right. I have been too giving and good to her, she was spoiled by me and she said it all the time. what did I get in return? I got **** on in the end. My problem was me being a beta and not being dominate male I needed to be. They are right when they say the nice guy finishes last. Even during seperation I find myself giving in and doing and giving her what she wants. I need to stop being mr. Nice guy.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Don't even think about R. D straight ahead.



> Even during seperation I find myself giving in and doing and giving her what she wants. I need to stop being mr. Nice guy.



That was being a chump, not a nice guy. Don't be a chump


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## Faithful123 (Oct 29, 2014)

This is tough but from reading your posts you seem to be getting stronger. Invest in the book no more mr nice guy. It's worth it mate you won't look back and you won't be able to put it down. Trust me. I have been separated for 3 months now and we'll on the way to divorce, detaching is tough, just understand you will have ups and downs, ride them out as best you can, keep busy. I'm sorry to say she's broken and more than anything for her, that's tragic. You are starting to see your own issues, don't worry we all have them. Understanding them is the key and the managing the behaviour they cause helps. If you get yourself some IC do it, it will help. You deserve better, stay strong, try to not be angry just be assertive and truthful. Your integrity is intact don't lower yourself. She is seems to be in self destruct mode, don't get sucked into it. Keep posting it will help you. Eat healthy and get plenty of sleep, it will also help.


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## Stillkindofhopefull (Oct 25, 2014)

I thought I beat the system, too...that the nice guy finally won in the end. Nope. Just living in a world of sad chaos right now figuring it all out.
Hang in there. We just have to.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Just curious of what you mean when she (ww) is on self destruct mode? You mean like she thinks she's going and doing the right thing but it will just blow up.in her face and she will regret it?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Lamailman said:


> Just curious of what you mean when she (ww) is on self destruct mode? You mean like she thinks she's going and doing the right thing but it will just blow up.in her face and she will regret it?


Sometimes that happens. Don't wait for it. Get a lawyer going and protect yourself. Make sure you do everything you can to have 50% access to your children. Do the 180. Detach. 

Expose to all your friends and your family. Tell hers if they don't know. Make sure you separate all finances. 

Go to the doctor and tell him your situation. Ask him to put you on Zoloft, it's a mild SSRI that will help control the roller coaster of feelings. It helped me a lot, stabilized my moods, and actually helped me to be more focused and control my anger.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Thanks, so self destruct mode is just her being on the fast track to disaster, basically?

I've been to the Dr already and I am on some meds to help but it's not zoloft. I have been implementing the 180 and I am liking the results I am getting out of myself. Right now I'm just trying to take things one day at a time.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Lamailman said:


> Thanks, so self destruct mode is just her being on the fast track to disaster, basically?
> 
> I've been to the Dr already and I am on some meds to help but it's not zoloft. I have been implementing the 180 and I am liking the results I am getting out of myself. Right now I'm just trying to take things one day at a time.


No no. Zoloft. I had to take about 500mg. It takes a while to build up in your system, but it really does help a lot.

You mentioned being a beta. Well now why not try being an alpha? Get the meanest divorce attorney you can find and shred her. She will respect you for it. She may hate you in the end, but she'll respect you.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

UPDATE

Well the WW text me tonight that she wanted to talk. So I replied , well what you want to talk about? Well she wanted to talk lawyer stuff. We've been seperated for 1 month and she is trying to rush this along as fast as she possibly can. She is making life long decisions at the drop of a hat. She asked if we can get the same lawyer and we will just agree on everything. She even agreed with me on the phone to split to custody of our 2 kids, which she never ever would have agreed on every. Something is very very fishy about all this. I know I've read that people in affairs don't think shrift and have cloudy judgement, UT do u think that is it.??? Is she in a rush to get her life started with this new guy??? What do you think is going on in that pea sized brain of hers?


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Lamailman said:


> UPDATE
> 
> Well the WW text me tonight that she wanted to talk. So I replied , well what you want to talk about? Well she wanted to talk lawyer stuff. We've been seperated for 1 month and she is trying to rush this along as fast as she possibly can. She is making life long decisions at the drop of a hat. She asked if we can get the same lawyer and we will just agree on everything. She even agreed with me on the phone to split to custody of our 2 kids, which she never ever would have agreed on every. Something is very very fishy about all this. I know I've read that people in affairs don't think shrift and have cloudy judgement, UT do u think that is it.??? Is she in a rush to get her life started with this new guy??? What do you think is going on in that pea sized brain of hers?



There's nothing fishy about it at all. She's decided to end your marriage and is looking forward to life after divorce.

My ex-wife did that to me (rushed things) and, just like you, I was in awe!

Today, I'm so thankful that she pushed the issue fast or else I wouldn't have met my current fiance. 

My life turned out wonderfully, while she probably remains the same miserable selfish confused person she always was.

Divorce your wife. You'll be glad you did. It's almost always true for guys with wayward wives.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Will you take her back f she apologizes? 

Get tested for STDs. She did not meet anyone recently. 

Or tell her that you got tested positive for STDs just to cause her some anxiety


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Yea I am definitely in awe of this. Just don't understand how someone could be that dumb, enough to give everything that's always meant something to you just so you can get out of this quick. My mind is blown. I can't wait for their relationship to fall through so I can laugh in her face.


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## Lamailman (Nov 2, 2014)

Well I went to pick up my kids this afternoon for my weekend with them. My wife was acting strange. She was in my personal space , following me around closely. I'm done getting the kids in and I get in and close my door. She asks to kiss the kids bye and I said ok. She does that then opens my driver door and gets in close. She has this watery eyed sad puppy dog look on her face. She throws her arms up on each side of me and say can I get a hug and starts leaning in. Wtf is up with that? She is so he'll bent on us being "friends". I told he I'm not interested in being friends at this point , she is my wife (well soon to be ex). I grabbed her wrist as she was leaning in and shut that hug down. She said you don't want to hug me, and I proclaimed , no don't touch me. 

She wanted the seperation and wants divorce and less then a month after seperation she is seeing someone. Why the Frick would she think I want to be her "friend" and hug her at this point in time. What is going on is this girls head?


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## Stillkindofhopefull (Oct 25, 2014)

Has she had any personal counseling? If they can ever be talked into it, they (myself included) can learn a lot about ourselves we would have otherwise never known.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> She wanted the seperation and wants divorce and less then a month after seperation she is seeing someone. Why the Frick would she think I want to be her "friend" and hug her at this point in time. What is going on is this girls head?


She feels guilty and is selfishly looking to 'fix' that by forcing you into accepting the situation as 'normal'. Every person in her situation attempts such things. 

You did well to shut her down.


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## Suspecting2014 (Jun 11, 2014)

Lamailman, 

How are you doing?

any update?


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