# OMG! HUGE fight with my husband!



## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

Hi everyone!

I'm a mother to a beautiful one year old baby, and a wife to the perfect father for my son.

I'm loving sports! why?
It's my 1 HOUR free time from the everyday craziness! 

I love Yoga\ Spining \Zumba and swimming! swimming is my favorite - one hour of inner peace!

SO WHAT WAS THE FIGHT ABOUT?

My wedding ring! I took off my wedding ring before my spining class (because my fingers always sweating and swelling during workouts and the ring cuts my skin!) And he was so mad and offended that i thougt he's kidding! Then ofcourse i got mad and... :whip::soapbox:

CRAZY RIGHT???:surprise:

Am i missing something? what is it with men and wedding rings?!?!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Stasia said:


> Hi everyone!
> 
> I'm a mother to a beautiful one year old baby, and a wife to the perfect father for my son.
> 
> ...


If you're taking it off at home, it's pretty safe.

He sounds upset because it may be sending the message that you're not taken. Some men are very proud of calling a woman their mate. 

You started the thread mentioning your gym going. While it sets the scene, it sounds like you're trying to say he got mad over something you love to do for your 1 hour break. Then it changes to his upset over you removing your ring. 

So what's the real source of the issue?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It's funny how the marriages with the worst issues always start with the OP saying their partner is wonderful but they just have this one little issue. There's a lot more to this problem than a wedding ring being off for an hour I bet. I've taken mine off for various reasons and forgotten to put it back on for days at a time yet DH barely raises an eyebrow.


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## breathedeep (Nov 8, 2015)

breeze said:


> It's funny how the marriages with the worst issues always start with the OP saying their partner is wonderful but they just have this one little issue. There's a lot more to this problem than a wedding ring being off for an hour I bet. I've taken mine off for various reasons and forgotten to put it back on for days at a time yet DH barely raises an eyebrow.


Agreed. My wife takes hers off to shower, and sometimes forgets to put it back on before going to work. I don't think anything of it.

We also both take ours off when we are working out. Again, no big deal.

Seems like something else is going on.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

We don't wear our rings while running, don't like to get them sweaty all the time. 

I'm so dense that I didn't realize i was being hit on at a race recently....i like to chat with lots of people. Once I realized I offered that I was married and that was it.

Told hb all about it later, he thought it was funny. Said he couldn't blame the guy. 

Is there a reason your hb doesn't trust you to shut it down?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

*Ownership* issues.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Stasia said:


> Hi everyone!
> 
> I'm a mother to a beautiful one year old baby, and a wife to the perfect father for my son.
> 
> ...


hold up. This is a YOUR man issue not a men issue. I care much more about a woman's ability to remember her vows than her need to take off an uncomfortable ring for a workout.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

When people exercise it completes a stress cycle and tends to create a sense of wanting to bond with those around you. So if you go to spinning class often with the same group of people, these people will eventually all get a sense of belonging to each other as a "group" that endures something challenging together. Similar to coworkers being assigned to work together on a challenging project as a team.

This type of environment tends to lend itself to romantic connections and possibly hooking up.

So if your husband reacted that way, I would think it is an admission that when he goes to the gym to exercise that he is feeling rather close to those around him and has witnessed people trying to hook up with each other. OR he could feel threatened by other men at your gym being more athletic and attractive than he feels about himself, which is a sign he has low self confidence.

Either way he is just being protective of the relationship which means he cares about you if you want to find a positive way to look at it.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

badsanta said:


> when people exercise it completes a stress cycle and tends to create a sense of wanting to bond with those around you. So if you go to spinning class often with the same group of people, these people will eventually all get a sense of belonging to each other as a "group" that endures something challenging together. Similar to coworkers being assigned to work together on a challenging project as a team.
> 
> This type of environment tends to lend itself to romantic connections and possibly hooking up.
> 
> ...


this!


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

My H has always paid attention to if I'm wearing my ring(s). When my engagement ring started to not fit, I stopped wearing it and he had a cow about it. BUT...he's not so much like that anymore. I stopped wearing my wedding ring in July....He just now noticed that I wasn't wearing it and DEMANDED that I put it back on. 

I don't know what advice I have to offer...just thought I would throw my story out there...


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## breathedeep (Nov 8, 2015)

CatJayBird said:


> My H has always paid attention to if I'm wearing my ring(s). When my engagement ring started to not fit, I stopped wearing it and he had a cow about it. BUT...he's not so much like that anymore. I stopped wearing my wedding ring in July....He just now noticed that I wasn't wearing it and DEMANDED that I put it back on.
> 
> I don't know what advice I have to offer...just thought I would throw my story out there...


If my wife stopped wearing hers altogether, I would take exception to this. If it were an issue of it not fitting properly, we would simply have it resized. If that didn't resolve the issue, I'd wonder what else is going on. But taking it off for an hour or so every day to exercise, no problem there.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Why did this turn into a fight instead of just being a discussion?


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Said vs what was heard.

What does the wedding ban you each wear symbolizes to each of you?

Does your husband take the view the ring you wear is his? That it is a token of his vows. That you wear it to show how important his vows to you are ? 

In his mind you not wearing it symbolizes a lack of value his vows mean to you? If so what does it says about the state of your marriage?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

This one is not that complicated. He does not want you to get hit on in the gym.

If this is really important to you (taking your ring off) you should do it. But know that in doing it it hurts your husband and damages your marriage.

As a wife or a husband you have to choose when to dig in and when to let go... What is this a case of?

Also, arugments should be avoided. It's best to handle a situation like this by say8ing you will talk about it but not when you are getting spoken to like that... And then disucss rationally. As opposed to you definding your position int he same argumentative manner that he is asserting his.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I did martial arts and my ring could cut people so, I didn't wear one. Didn't care about my wife wearing one until, some issues popped up in our marriage and noticed it went from all the time to when I was around. So, I'm wondering what is being left out.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Perhaps suggest that you get a neck chain and put the ring on it when not worn on finger.

I did know a guy in construction who did so. His wife always loved him for that. 20 years plus she still will rave about it. The guy gotten a lot of funds in the love bank form this.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Stasia,

Although your motives were not to advertise yourself as available for infidelity, you may have triggered your H by reminding him of some previous event, and in his mind he said to himself oh my God not again. 

An example of this would be if an exW cheated on him and she took off her ring, or a girl friend took off her engagement ring, or any small sign of cheating which made your H uneasy.

I think another point is that fitness classes and gyms are populated with some percentage of people who are looking for a hook up and that can make a spouse feel insecure. Your H may already have had feelings of unease about your going to those classes. 

Personally I'm creeped out by the male "trainers", who seem to have no certification other than being in shape, demonstrating how to perform an exercise by moving the female clients arm and getting close. I never see them doing this with male clients.

Tamat


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Do you think he is just possessive of you, perhaps distrusts you, or is insecure? Is he just finding something to complain about? Is your husband picky about other things?

When we were choosing wedding bands, I wanted a simple, flat, but wide one that wouldn't get in the way of things because I was very active. It doesn't get in the way or flop around, but being wide, my finger doesn't get air under it and can get moist.

Because of that I take my wedding band off every night to give my finger time to dry out. Often times I forget to put it back on in the morning.

Even so, I always remember to put it on before I go anywhere so strangers will know I that I am married. I always used to put it on before I went to the gym. Maybe that is why no one ever hit on me... Actually, that was the exact reason I wore it. It made life simpler.

Is your ring that uncomfortable that you can't work out with it on? If it really is intolerable, perhaps you can ask him to choose a thin band for you to wear just when you are working out. You won't have a huge ring that gets in the way, he will have his "mark" on your hand.

Problem solved.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

Wow, I have my rings off most of the time. I take them off as soon as I get home.

I do dishes, I put lotion and stuff in my hair and I use cleaning products...none of which I want to get into the prongs of the stones on my rings.

I guess I never considered my ring like a chastity belt...I don't take it off so I can remove my marital commitment and run hog wild. In fact, if you want to attract the opposite sex, there's a lot of people that consider a married person a challenge.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Stasia said:


> Hi everyone!
> 
> I'm a mother to a beautiful one year old baby, and a wife to the perfect father for my son.
> 
> ...


If that's what you're fighting about, it's not about the ring.

That goes for you, too.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If your husband thinks a ring is going to keep you from being hit on by other men, tell him sweetly that he is way behind the times. 

Methinks he protests to much. Has he ever cheated on you?


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## Justinian (Mar 7, 2015)

EnigmaGirl said:


> ... I guess I never considered my ring like a chastity belt...I don't take it off so I can remove my marital commitment and run hog wild. * In fact, if you want to attract the opposite sex, there's a lot of people that consider a married person a challenge.*


Exactly, this isn't about rings, it's about complete trust. With or without rings, it is mostly behavior and/or demeanor that lets the opposite sex know whether you're "available" or not.

My wife wears her rings most of the time, but does forget them from time to time. She has never worn them at the gym.

I don't wear jewelry of any kind, so I never had a wedding ring.

This has worked out fine for us for over 40 years because we have always trusted each other 100%.


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## Jhon (Dec 3, 2015)

Hi Stasia
As a man I can't imagine what is the issue about wearing a wedding ring or not.
I only can tell you that I had a similar problem with my wife
but she was the one with issues with me not wearing it
the only diference was that I work with heavy machines and tools, and there is always danger that my ring get stuck and cut my finger or skin
her solution was buying for me a silicone wedding ring and it solved the problem 
I always wear it without felling i have it on me And my wife is happy! 
Maybe you should use the same solution and get your husband one!


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I haven't wore my wedding ring in 17 years. My husband cant wear one because he works with machines. The first week he went back to work after our wedding, the ring got destroyed. I never ask him to wear one again, he needs all his fingers. 

Like everyone else here, I agree this is more than a wedding ring. Your husband is not comfortable with something that you are doing. Or he has insecurities from his pass, that, he needs to work pass.

Try to get him to open up about what is really bothering him. 

I like the suggestion of wearing your ring on a chain around your neck. 
Good luck.


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

Yep ... You guys called it there's something more to it she most likely will not repost. She's probably gone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

How does he know if you are wearing your ring when you are at spinning class?


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

So why can't you say you appreciate his concern, will wear your ring, give him some loving and call it a day.


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## Justinian (Mar 7, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> ... My husband cant wear one because he works with machines. The first week he went back to work after our wedding, the ring got destroyed. I never ask him to wear one again, he needs all his fingers.


This happened to me many years ago. Ring snagged and cut all the way to the bone, I almost lost the finger.

No jewelry of any kind for me ever since, not even a watch.

Of course, my wife's jewelry collection has more than made up for it.


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

Satya said:


> If you're taking it off at home, it's pretty safe.
> 
> He sounds upset because it may be sending the message that you're not taken. Some men are very proud of calling a woman their mate.
> 
> ...


You right.. 
I was so mad that i wrote everything so fast!
The issue is the ring.. the non wearing ring to the gym issue..
Anyway i think you right about the "non taken" part.. i will talk to him today about that..


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

Bobby5000 said:


> So why can't you say you appreciate his concern, will wear your ring, give him some loving and call it a day.


Because the ring cuts my finger during workouts... and because his concern is irrational.


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

Sparta said:


> Yep ... You guys called it there's something more to it she most likely will not repost. She's probably gone
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



It's so funny that people realy think that a new mother, a working mother (I'm a lawyer) has the time to do whatever you guys imagine..
it is not "desperate housewives" here.. 

By the way, For Me - Family is Everything - I will do anything to keep my family together. I'm OLD FASHION about marriage.


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> I haven't wore my wedding ring in 17 years. My husband cant wear one because he works with machines. The first week he went back to work after our wedding, the ring got destroyed. I never ask him to wear one again, he needs all his fingers.
> 
> Like everyone else here, I agree this is more than a wedding ring. Your husband is not comfortable with something that you are doing. Or he has insecurities from his pass, that, he needs to work pass.
> 
> ...


I will talk to him today.. i just didn't have the time to deal with that childish nonsense.. 
The idea about the cain is great!
Thank you.


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> If your husband thinks a ring is going to keep you from being hit on by other men, tell him sweetly that he is way behind the times.
> 
> Methinks he protests to much. Has he ever cheated on you?


I Realy Can't Imagine Him to Do Something like that.. This Is A Man With Strong Family Values.. As Myself.. 

But you right he protests to much.. I will Talk to him today about it..


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

TAMAT said:


> Stasia,
> 
> Although your motives were not to advertise yourself as available for infidelity, you may have triggered your H by reminding him of some previous event, and in his mind he said to himself oh my God not again.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your point of view.. i did not think about the things you mentioned.. 
I will definitely talk with him about that. thank you..


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

norajane said:


> Why did this turn into a fight instead of just being a discussion?


Honestly, because I didn't have the time to deal with this ring nonsense (i was late to my spinning class).. and the "ownership" thing make me crazy.. >


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

Jhon said:


> Hi Stasia
> As a man I can't imagine what is the issue about wearing a wedding ring or not.
> I only can tell you that I had a similar problem with my wife
> but she was the one with issues with me not wearing it
> ...


I have never heard about Silicone Wedding Ring it's sounds awesome! realy good idea.. It's like work rings?


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Stasia said:


> Honestly, because I didn't have the time to deal with this ring *nonsense* (i was late to my spinning class).. and the "ownership" thing make me crazy.. >


I see that you referenced you husbands feelings as "nonsense" several times thru the posts. How often do you refer to his thoughts / feelings as that?? 

Did the discussion turn into a argument because it happens often?

I work with my hands a lot, don't wear my ring much because of it.

I have had women strike up conversations with me in stores, while my wife is around the corner of a aisle. She gets upset & says "If you would wear your ring, that wouldn't happen" I do try to be sensitive to her requests. 

I learned something reading these posts - if gotta research the silicone ring idea.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Stasia said:


> Because the ring cuts my finger during workouts... and because his concern is irrational.


You still haven't fleshed out the hows and whys of the fight. So, it may or may not be irrational. 

Have you gone to business or client meetings without your ring?
Have you gone out for drinks without your ring?
Was their some inappropriateness on either part concerning you or your husband?
Have you or your husband been caught being inappropriate with the opposite sex?

It's really easy to poo poo yourself with "he doth protest to much" right out of a marriage. 

Yes, he can be insecure.
Yes, he can be rational and it is a smaller symptom of a bigger problem


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## Jhon (Dec 3, 2015)

FrazzledSadHusband said:


> I see that you referenced you husbands feelings as "nonsense" several times thru the posts. How often do you refer to his thoughts / feelings as that??
> 
> Did the discussion turn into a argument because it happens often?
> 
> ...


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## Jhon (Dec 3, 2015)

Stasia said:


> I have never heard about Silicone Wedding Ring it's sounds awesome! realy good idea.. It's like work rings?


Hi Stasia
I think you can say it's like work rings or workout rings 
They are very comfortable. 
I got mine from TKchoice 
If you like pm me and i can send you their website!
good luck!!


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Its not about the ring it's about his angry outburst.

He doesn't trust her. Changing to a silicone ring doesn't change that.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

jld said:


> *Ownership* issues.


Nonsense. Has she suddenly started working out a lot and dressing differently? Has her husband got good reasons to be upset? 
As mentioned, I never noticed if my ex forgot to out on her ring/-- until I started noticing other things.

Jld, I'm starting to wonder about your overall opinion of men.

Ever heard the stories about married women and personal trainers and gym rats? I have, and so has her husband. I don't blame the guy at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Stasia said:


> It's so funny that people realy think that a new mother, a working mother (I'm a lawyer) has the time to do whatever you guys imagine..
> it is not "desperate housewives" here..
> 
> By the way, For Me - Family is Everything - I will do anything to keep my family together. I'm OLD FASHION about marriage.


Yes, actually it is pretty crazy what people are doing these days. Your attitude about your family is awesome. Your attitude toward your husband calling his comments nonsense is not. I would want my wife to wear her ring if she was out. Maybe your husband thinks you're a total hottie and knows that other men are likely to hind you attractive. Isn't that a good problem to have??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> Nonsense. Has she suddenly started working out a lot and dressing differently? Has her husband got good reasons to be upset?
> As mentioned, I never noticed if my ex forgot to out on her ring/-- until I started noticing other things.
> 
> Jld, I'm starting to wonder about your overall opinion of men.
> ...


You're just *starting *to wonder about that? >


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> Nonsense. Has she suddenly started working out a lot and dressing differently? Has her husband got good reasons to be upset?
> As mentioned, I never noticed if my ex forgot to out on her ring/-- until I started noticing other things.
> 
> Jld, I'm starting to wonder about your overall opinion of men.
> ...


Married women and personal trainers.. really?? 

I'm sorry about your ex..


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

Jhon said:


> Hi Stasia
> I think you can say it's like work rings or workout rings
> They are very comfortable.
> I got mine from TKchoice
> ...


Thank you! i will check it out.


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## Stasia (Dec 2, 2015)

It's been a while since i wrote here..
So i have some news! We talked about the "ring issue" and he explained why he was so angry that day... I WAS TRULY SURPRISED !

It turns out that someone very close to him ( very very very close..) cheated on her husband with some guy she met online! crazy... never would've thought in a million years that this person would do something like that to her family!

Anyway, now i understand his reaction that day.. 

By the way, I bought 2 Silicone wedding rings from TK choice silicone products (for me and for my husband) - it was a great idea! IT'S awesome! He loved it ! I love it! so comfortable! (THANK YOU JOHN!)
If someone interested in those silicone rings - i bought mine from here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B017RNJQB6

Love this forum!!!


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Great step forward. 

How have you addressed your repetitive condescension towards your husband?


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I used to take mine off when I did Brazilian jiujitsu and now when I weight train. I have lost 2 of them due to falling out of a gym bag or getting left in a locker or whatever happened. I finally just got a band tattooed on my ring finger. I figure that I can't lose this one.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

So it was what many thought. We men are a possessive lot, especially over our women. You're also now the mother of his kid, which makes you that much more important to him. With all the working out, I take you're probably looking pretty hot, at least body wise. Your husband knows what goes through men's minds when we see a tight body. 

Most woman don't think they're the type of person to cheat until all of a sudden, they're in over their head. It's called responsive desire. Every man with a head on his shoulders understands that. You're obviously precious to your husband. Keep safe boundaries with opposite sex and reassure hubby with your actions that he's AlWAYS going to be all you need and you will have a man that will ALWAYS love you and fight for you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

jsmart said:


> So it was what many thought. We men are a possessive lot, especially over our women. You're also now the mother of his kid, which makes you that much more important to him. With all the working out, I take you're probably looking pretty hot, at least body wise. Your husband knows what goes through men's minds when we see a tight body.
> 
> Most woman don't think they're the type of person to cheat until all of a sudden, they're in over their head. It's called responsive desire. Every man with a head on his shoulders understands that. You're obviously precious to your husband.


Women who cheat do not cheat because of responsive desire. And that's just not true. A LOT of women do not only have responsive desire. If it were true it would mean that women never have an independent thought about lust, love, desire. 



jsmart said:


> Keep safe boundaries with opposite sex and reassure hubby with your actions that he's AlWAYS going to be all you need and you will have a man that will ALWAYS love you and fight for you.


The above is sort of along the line of unicorns.. a fantasy.

Sure if a woman is faithful and good to her man, he is probably less likely to cheat. But it's not a guarantee that he will not cheat. It's not a guarantee that he will ALWAYS love her. 

Men cheat at a rate a few percentage points more than women do. Most men who cheat say that they love their wives.. they just like to have sex with other women. 

Some say that when a person starts to accuse their innocent spouse of cheating... it just might be them reflecting their own actions on their spouse.


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