# The Images !



## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

Do any of you other men that have been cheated on and left for someone else ever get those gross images of the sex they are having? I can EVER get them out of my mind. I think of what they are doing tonight, every position they do it in, how it is initiated, is she actually enjoying it ,is he bigger than me, Is he huge and is she doing stuff with him she never wanted to do with me ? These things haunt me every minute of every day and it is almost too much to cope with. She couldn't even kiss me very often. When I have seen pics of them on her phone she looks like she is so happy and in love , which she never was with me. But then it goes a few months and she wants to come back to me. Then she does it again and will even tell me how great of a guy he is. The images are just too much . Anything short of psychiatric help that I can do ? Thanks


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

It's been a year and I still have them. I know for a fact she did things with him that we have never done. Pisses me off to this day.


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

....16 yrs later it still haunts me. I somehow wish that they'd go away...but I was never able to get info on what actually transpired so my mind will just make the movie up as it goes along.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

For me its just another porno, I'm way better then that and I can do better then that. 

The point is this crap will eat you up if you let it. Do not let this define you are and what you can be. 

Life is full of variety and the great thing is everyones different and everyones like different sizes and different things. 

If you want you can go out and meet someone and do the things with them that you never did with your W.

The mind movie for me are tough and I will not let them get the better of me. Again another porno that means nothing. My self on the other hand will not let this beat me and so I recommend its time to get out and go have some fun of your own. Even you you have to pay for it ;-) .

This thing it *will* eat you up if you let it. Force it out and be better then this. Some one out there will love the size of your penis and will love to be with you and do the things you want to do.


Again do not let this BS define who you are and what you want out of life. It sound easy, but dude sometimes that all we have.

My little porn princess of a WW has for sure done thing I haven't done with her, I know this b/c shes told me. I could care a less thats her choice. Mine is not letting it bring me down to the OM level.

I have to walk thought life knowing I can perforn with the best of them, its this positive additude that gets me through.


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

i feel your pain. 

i know way too much thanks to a combination of my wife and the OMX.
some things i can confirm, some that are speculation. 

and its really all the guy male ego thing.
for me the OM is porn star big and has quite the stamina. 

BUT...

hes fairly conservative. 
treats certain acts like chores
cant do certain things (or my wife wont allow) due to size
is not a finesse guy.

and the one thing my wife shared with me (and dont ask how these converstions come up, im a glutton for punishment) that she doenst feel like hes having fun because he takes way to long. 
she also said she hasnt orgasmed with him (though that is questionable, but at the same time not)
and that affects her.


can i get the images of my wifes face being similar that it was with me out of my head. no.
does it disturb me that she may be having fun with him. yes.
am i grossly insecure with the knowledge she shared, which makes me, and average guy, feel even less than average. absolutley.



can i do anything about it?
yes.

ultimately when they break up (and they will) and if we get back together, its her job to boost my ego through the strausphere. making me feel far superior despite the things listed above. 
through that i can replace the mind movies with thse of our own.

that said, i have my own job to do. ive read books to develp my "weaknesses". improve my technique and stamina. 
but the best thing i can do is boost my confidence in what i can do and not compare my self. 
and to things that the OM cant do to make sex better. 
(per my therapist)
help around the house and with the kids
take time to sit and eat dinner and listen what she has to say and not fix everything
change my perspective on sex. forplay is 5 days before sex, not 5 minutes.
help her relax, which will in turn create a better experience.



the reality is, that this is one of the hardest things for men to get over. it hits us at our core in ways nothing else does. its extremely difficult to get over and fox, esp. when shes still wrapped up in the affair.

and even when one reconcilles you have to deal with those things. like joe kidd said, she did things they never did. thats both good and bad. because what if joe really wanted to do those things.well now its tainted. and he maynever beable to enjoy those things...but at the same time you know shes expanded herself sexually, its just how she did it thats messed up...


so where does that leave us, the BS.?


and mind you this is just as hard for me because of the fact its still going on...


We have to accept that it happened. we want to avoid triggers, as so should she. but it can be a learning experience. the onething ive learned about sex with women is that it actually starts in her brain as opposed to her organs, like us.

communication is huge. talking about likes and dislikes. what was dont and what you can do about it...then ease into intimacy...it may take a long time...or one really intense insane weekend of not stop anger/makeup sex...its differnet for everyone.

but if your still waiting like me, do what you can to learn as much as you can. for if anything, if it isnt for your wife, who knows all about you ( and who you could suprise with your new found skills), then for the next lucky person you meet who doenst and you wont have to worry about those comparisons.


i know it sucks, and sorry for the long rant, but it is what it is...our egos are destroyed. and its up to us to fix them. were responsible for ourselves...and if we treat ourselves right, we can minimize those mind movies one way or another


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

CJ2 said:


> Do any of you other men that have been cheated on and left for someone else ever get those gross images of the sex they are having? I can EVER get them out of my mind. I think of what they are doing tonight, every position they do it in, how it is initiated, is she actually enjoying it ,is he bigger than me, Is he huge and is she doing stuff with him she never wanted to do with me ? These things haunt me every minute of every day and it is almost too much to cope with. She couldn't even kiss me very often. When I have seen pics of them on her phone she looks like she is so happy and in love , which she never was with me. *But then it goes a few months and she wants to come back to me. Then she does it again and will even tell me how great of a guy he is.* The images are just too much . Anything short of psychiatric help that I can do ? Thanks




Simply put, she repeats her cheating. And you let her.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Its your sub-conscious, and it goes with the territory

Why are you still allowing this cheating woman to still be in your life, where is your self-confidence

She cheats, you take her back, cycle gets repeated over and over----time to move on, she is nothing but toxic waste!!!!!!


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Mind movies are generally far worse than the truth. The imagination is a powerful thing and if you give it free reign then it will give them the most awesome sex ever in the history of the world.
Think about it. Imagine it.Then think about again, this time imagine them failing dismally. 

It is an ego thing. It was cured for me by getting a girlfriend who shock, horror actually likes me! I mean sexually. It was quite a shock after so many years of the stbxw "putting up with it" 

I would NEVER go back to that again. You deserve to be loved for WHO YOU ARE and Liked sexually in equal measure. Of course it is a two way street You have to feel the same way and you have to put out. 

One of the things I have learnt is to shut the fcuk up. Listen and be there when I am wanted. And foreplay 5 days ahead. Priceless

Forget the sex act. It is the emotional stuff that is killing you, her being in love with another guy, giving him all of herself, not just her body that hurts so much.

If she wants to come back you have to set some very clear boundaries. Be very clear as to what that means. No longer should you accept that she wants you as "a friend" with limited intimacy.

It is just not acceptable my friend. Marriage is a sexual relationship. Duh. It took me 25 years to work it out so not throwing stones here..


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Write a different movie. One that is based in reality. Everybody has dirty laundry. Its never as good as it looks from a distance.


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

Thank you all for your help in this matter. It has been very helpful to hear. I put her to the curb tonight for good ! its done and never looking back... I just don't want my kid walking in on it again. He has witnessed 2 different guys in her bed when I have dropped him off. I'm sure he has his own movies now. I never know till its too late.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

CJ2 said:


> ...When I have seen pics of them on her phone she looks like she is so happy and in love...


When I saw the photo on my W's phone with her and OM together half-naked on his bed I could see that sparkle in her eye that at one point in time I thought was the only one in the world who would ever see. That probably stands out as the single most painful item, the cutting edge of the sword she put through me. Despite all the other things I saw and learned, I just can't really shake that one image, the rest of it I'm able to edit the movie script on and she turns out pretty disappointed in it, the sex was passionate but short-lived and fades from memory, the romance was cheap, the scene was trashy, the consequences are ugly and the best thing is I can leave the theater any time I want, even if the film is still rolling for her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Lon, that was well said

CJ2, 
Now that your making some tough dicisions, I bet you feel some relief? Just stay strong and stick to it this time.

History has proven what will happen when you take her back the next time so please, stay strong to you commitment in relieving your self from this unhealthy women. Then wipe your self off and move on.

I suggest you set up some kind of mediator, a family member that can be a go between for your kid. The best thing you can to is completely distance your self, with new cell # and address. Only giving this info to the person that will be the go between for your child.


Call a lawyer!!!!!!!!!!!


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

the guy said:


> Lon, that was well said
> 
> CJ2,
> Now that your making some tough dicisions, I bet you feel some relief? Just stay strong and stick to it this time.
> ...


Yes , I will have to have my mother do the child transaction for awhile. I just can't even cope with seeing her. It is just way too hard. She tried calling last night to talk about her schedule and i didn't pick up the phone. Then she picked up my son from school when my mother was already there to do it. Mom lit a fire under her for not making us aware of her plans.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Again, the lawyer...a court order schedule, a pain in the butt yet effective for this kind of sh1t.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Not since I made a lamp shade 
out of her skin...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One more thing, tell mom to keep her "fire" under wraps and chill, when things ends up in court, or even if they don't, you don't want any ammo for your wife. She has her say in who the go between is. 

So its in your moms and yours best interest to pretend to be your wifes best friend. Get it? Your mom will be best served if she remain as nuturial as possible no matter how hard. Your mom needs to see this as all politics right now and judging your crack head wife will only push your mom out of the options.

Sorry for the crack head reference, but all the same your mom needs to check her self for the over all "big picture" on what will best serve you.

If your chick start to cop an additude with you mom, then what?


Refer W call to your mom so that mom can discuss the schedule with W and then mom calls you to confirm, and mom can call back W to verify and confirm, what works for you.

Who's your mom kiding, if her own H can't lite a fire under her butt, what makes your mom think she can? Again mom need to to be non judgemental and nuetral. If there is any time you mom needs to chill is right now. Your W must believe mom is a friend and mom need to prepar her self to do the heavy lifting if she wants this roll as mediator for her grandson.


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

ing said:


> Mind movies are generally far worse than the truth. The imagination is a powerful thing and if you give it free reign then it will give them the most awesome sex ever in the history of the world.
> Think about it. Imagine it.Then think about again, this time imagine them failing dismally.
> 
> It is an ego thing. It was cured for me by getting a girlfriend who shock, horror actually likes me! I mean sexually. It was quite a shock after so many years of the stbxw "putting up with it"
> ...


Yeah it is the emotional intimacy that hurts more than the sexual part alot of the time. After reading a message she wrote to him " It is so nice to have someone so special and caring in my life. You are my baby and always will be . You and only you ! " . This devastated me since I have took care of her for the past eight years and tried to do nothing but show her love and caring. She actually even wrote this while she was staying at my house for a week and was having sex with me. I immediately called him and he told him where she had been. He said he knew she had to be here cause my son was sick. When I told him that my son wasn't sick at all and that she was over here having sex with me all week, he hung up the phone. He then wrote me a message saying " You are an old washed up man and why would she want you when she has me ? " I am 39yrs old and she is 29. He is 25. He was so conceded that he didn't even hear what I said and wouldn't accept it. Finally he broke it off but still tried to message her long after. Even after 2 weeks I still went in here online history and would see where she was checking out his facebook. So the emotional factor is almost too much to bare also. Why is she searching for something I tried so hard to give her everyday? She hated when I tried to be affectionate.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

> Why is she searching for something I tried so hard to give her everyday? She hated when I tried to be affectionate.


Exactly, why when they find what they seek are they no longer attracted to it. Women are crazy. The ironic thing about giving her all that affection for free is that you tried too hard and that repulsion overcame the attraction of you being the provider of the affection she sought. And she was probably very confused about all this and why she no longer respected or was attracted to you... the harder you tried the more confused she got. And as I have come to see in the cheating wife they just simply go find it from someone else, where is the loyalty, where is the honor??


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

CJ2 said:


> Why is she searching for something I tried so hard to give her everyday? She hated when I tried to be affectionate.



Maybe you're overdoing it. Too much overwhelms and cheapens.

Some things are more valuable if one has to earn or work for it.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Lon said:


> Exactly, why when they find what they seek are they no longer attracted to it. Women are crazy. The ironic thing about giving her all that affection for free is that you tried too hard and that repulsion overcame the attraction of you being the provider of the affection she sought. And she was probably very confused about all this and why she no longer respected or was attracted to you... the harder you tried the more confused she got. And as I have come to see in the cheating wife they just simply go find it from someone else, where is the loyalty, where is the honor??


She fell victim to her primal urge. She allowed it. Guys have this all the time and we are taught by other men early on 
"Stop thinking with your penis"

Some women are blindsided by it when it happens, they have no experience or methods to deal with it since they have always been a "good girl" 

They mistake lust for love and of course the OM encourages this because a woman in love is very very sexy and they get to have sex with her.


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

ing said:


> Some women are blindsided by it when it happens, they have no experience or methods to deal with it since they have always been a "good girl" .


Problem is , she was never a good girl since she was 15. She has always been addicted to drugs. She stripped for awhile and I really believe that she has had to fake feeling for all these guys just to get money or drugs out of them for so long ,that she doesn't know what real feelings are. I will admit I think she is really confused and certainly can't handle the fact of even being loved , but desires attention from friends and guys. She can only stay away from them for just so long before she craves it again. She starves for attention , but its the wrong kind of attention. I really feel if another guy really treats her with love and affection it will only last so long anyway. He won't be able to cope with her like I did after awhile. I think my biggest fear is that she will probably be overly content and happy with a guy that doesn't really pay close attention to her because he really don't give a **** about her.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

CJ2 said:


> I think my biggest fear is that she will probably be overly content and happy with a guy that doesn't really pay close attention to her because he really don't give a **** about her.


Tada..
You feel responsible for her. You need to let that go as fast as you can. I added to the end of the letting go thread because it was something I had been doing despite myself.

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ****TY LIFE CHOICES AND THE CONSEQUENCES SHE WILL SUFFER.

Let it go man. Easy to say. Hard to do.


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

Thanks Ing ! As you can see I do know what I have to do but like you said it is easier to say than to do , especially when my son is involved.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I'll never forget when the first love of my life cheated on me and left me. I was hanging out with my friends soon after this and we were watching a movie and I drifted off to sleep. I awoke during a scene in the movie (not a porn movie, btw) where a girl was getting done really hard and was screaming. The screaming woke me up. I immediately slipped into a panic thinking about my GF being done like that. As silly as it sounds, this was a major trauma in my life that i will never forget. The pain was unbearable.

This was not the last hurt in my life but I think the first is always the worst.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

In order for a woman to want you, she has to respect you for who you are as a man.

We talk about love and caring as if its the salvation of a relationship, but it is actually only a reward given for what supports the relationship. "Love" is a word that describes a "feeling" which is an electrochemical state of the mind, and that state is determined roughly by the presence of the neurochemicals dopamine and oxytocin among others in unknown quantities/configurations.

You need food to survive, and food is nothing more than plants and animals that have been dominated and killed by a human hand to provide you with the ENERGY you need to live- a car is made from metal ore and various oil configurations- everything in life centers around the manipulation of matter and time.

See? THIS is what a woman is attracted to. Money is nothing more than your ability at any given time to immediately control assets created by mankind's manipulation of the environment. This is why women are attracted to rich men (some are), smart men (some are), strong men (some are), good fathers (some are), and SUCCESSFUL MEN (again, some are); women are attracted to men who can manipulate her environment in a desirable way. This can be through wealth or wisdom, but it is LEADERSHIP that she desires in either case.

If you want your woman to want you, or any woman to want you, you must build who you are as a man. Hit the gym, take some classes at a college THAT INTEREST YOU, learn about people, demand that others treat you with respect while you do the same, and do everything in your cognitive capacity to effect a positive difference in the world around you. 

Dont you see? Unconditional love is the SPOILS she gives you for being that man; she wont love you simply because you give her caring, but instead she will love you for who you are as a man. 

They will twist everything you have ever done in a way that justifies why they are leaving, and they will believe every word of it- it FEELS right to be with the OM because of what he offers in ways you might not understand. Yeah, maybe hes broke- so are many wise men. Yeah, maybe hes ugly, but so are many good men. As is commonly said, she may eventually REALIZE that the OM isnt what she thought he was- that initially limited stage on which they correspond is wrought with ignorance. She sees what he has constructed (when you date a woman, you try to look as cool, calm, collected, successful and "sharp" as possible, right?) for her, and what her ignorance blinds her from initially seeing. Or, perhaps hes just better for her than you are.

Its hard to know, but one thing is for sure: you lose nothing by improving who you are as a man, accepting what you cannot change (including her feelings), and by letting go of something that is preventing you from ascending in the manner I describe.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

As long as she desires drugs it won't matter what you do, so in this case get as far away from her as possible and talk to mom and get her to take and recieve any contact with your boy from W and relay and trnsmit any thing regarding the matter.

I hope your search for a lawyer is successful. b/c this sh~t is so wrong in every way. The soon the boy getts away from that poor excusse of a mother the better.

Theres a chick out there that is like minded and will make a great step mom, so just like maintaining your sobrity you must maintain the drive to protect you son. 

Right now you are not in court so stop being affraid, now you are shopping for the shark (lawyer)....the shark that is on your side so once you find the right shark for you, then you will get the right advice and choices with regard to getting the custody that will be healthier for the boy. Granted 80% is good , but 100% will prevent him from witnessing the things he's witnessed for the last 4 years.

If you can pull your self out of that bedroom you can do what needs to be done to protect the boy.

BTW, sorry for posting in this thread . I just typed way to much to delete it and redo it on your other thread.


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

Yeah , my son came home today and said that mommy had a friend come over last night while he was there. My son woke up and said they were talking in her bedroom when he peeked in . The only night in 7 days she has had him and she still can't keep her mingling away from him ! She has every night to be with whoever she wants and I just got done asking her to keep her test subjects away from my son at all costs. She just won't listen. When I text her about what my son said , she responded that Mike had stopped over for just a minute to bring her a pack of cigarettes . Who the hell is Mike ? I have never heard of her mention a Mike before so I doubt its someone from work. She said he lives in her development which I doubt also and why would you let some guy from your development in your bedroom ? I told her it didn't matter who he was or what he was doing there , it is a strange man in your bedroom for my son to see. His poor little mind does not know how to register that and my son is very shy around new people . None the less when he just wakes up in the middle of the night in his own house. I started chewing her ass out and she said she had to get back to work and would call later which I knew she wouldn't. I just couldn't hold back the tears when I hung up .


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your lawyer will let you know about a moral clause that will prevent this from happening, the only thing is your chick won't give a damb, she has no respect for the law, no respect for you and no respect for her self.
So what is up with a lawyer???????????


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

I have found a great lawyer and will set up an appointment as soon as I get my documents together to explain the situation thoroughly .


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Awsome, just awsome.
This will start to get better, just remember, you have to go through fire to make steel!


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

Hey ! The ex went to her first day of counseling and wanted to come over and talk after. So I knew what it was gonna be , the whole " I'm getting my life together " speech . I stood my ground and got her to admit what a piece of crap she has been. I knew it was all just so she could move on with her new man and justify it with some glorious angelic inspiration for her new recovery program. Bottom line is she is gonna get better eventually but in the end the new guy will reap the benefits , not me. On a good note I have got her to agree to sign custody over to me. I made it quite clear if she didn't that I was gonna fight her for it and it was gonna be ugly. Told her to make up her mind and stick to it . She agreed to sign him over , so next week I am going ASAP and get this ball rolling. I know its just so she can live in peace with this new guy , but at least I have my son and that will never get overturned in the future. Wish me luck ! I think this will help me get over her a little bit but its still killin me inside that she is gone for good.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

How many times have you heard that line from your chick?

Do you realy think the OM will reap any reward?

If you ask me "she's his problem now"!!! LOL


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Congrats on getting your boy

Well played sir, well played


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I know you are in pain at the loss of your wife, believe me you got your priorities right. 
Great news for getting custody of your boy.

Tell me..
Would you date a woman who would sign over the custody of their child to be with you? 

NO?

Thought not..

Okay. it was a rhetorical question.


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

Oh yeah I forgot to mention I recorded the whole conversation and got her on tape admitting to having my son in a drug house and doing lines of cocaine and buying pills. I have her on tape admitting doing coke in between her drug tests. I even have her actually say she knows my son would be better off with me and my family because she has the mind of a child. How could her lawyer even fight after her admitting she knows he would be better off with me. She admitted she has no time to do stuff with him and no money to do it. She even admitted this new guy was a recovering addict , which really isn't a good thing . Two addicts and one child is a disaster. While she was defending what a great guy OM was she actually said " He is alot more serious about his recovery than me " . LoL.... which just goes to show she isn't really serious about it anyway. What will probably happen now , is she will go tell him and other people what she is thinking about doing by giving me custody and they will try to talk her out of it. Especially when this guy thinks she is leaving her son for him , he is gonna do everything in his power to talk her out of it because he doesn't want that kind of pressure. Like ing said " Would you date a woman who would sign over the custody of their child to be with you? " . So hopefully all goes through and if it doesn't hopefully the tape will seal the deal for me. At the end of the 2 hr conversation and hearing what a great life she was going after , she actually asked me to call her when I got out of work tonight. I looked at her strangely and distant and said questionably " For What " . She had no answer ! LoL.... She's just trying to still keep that door open , but its closed !


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

CJ2 said:


> Problem is , she was never a good girl since she was 15. She has always been addicted to drugs. She stripped for awhile and I really believe that she has had to fake feeling for all these guys just to get money or drugs out of them for so long ,that she doesn't know what real feelings are. I will admit I think she is really confused and certainly can't handle the fact of even being loved , but desires attention from friends and guys. She can only stay away from them for just so long before she craves it again. She starves for attention , but its the wrong kind of attention. I really feel if another guy really treats her with love and affection it will only last so long anyway. He won't be able to cope with her like I did after awhile. I think my biggest fear is that she will probably be overly content and happy with a guy that doesn't really pay close attention to her because he really don't give a **** about her.


I was with someone like this a long time ago. I stayed because I felt compelled to "save" her.

It took me a while to understand she didn't want to be saved, she CHOOSE this lifestyle and she fought me every time I tried to point her in the right direction or get her out of trouble. 

Get out, her problems are not your problems. She is broke and not only can't you fix her, she doesn't really want to be fixed. You need to accept that she likes her life like it is (I'm sure she says she wants to change, they all say that so you'll stick around and support them).

As far as getting the mind movies out of you head; I did when I sleep with someone else (we were separated and a month away from finalizing our divorce). You stop caring what the WS does when you start dating again.


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

ArmyofJuan said:


> As far as getting the mind movies out of you head; I did when I sleep with someone else (we were separated and a month away from finalizing our divorce). You stop caring what the WS does when you start dating again.



I would just add to AOJ's observation that once you start dating, the images in your head will be of what you hope might happen with your date


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

Voiceofreason said:


> I would just add to AOJ's observation that once you start dating, the images in your head will be of what you hope might happen with your date


That is a big part of the problem too . I am 39 yrs old now and have wasted all of my 30's on her. Now I have to try to find someone around my age , that I'm not really attracted to. I look like I am 27 and I have never really started dating anyone over 29 . Something about women my age just turn me off and I don't know what it is. I am not looking for a supermodel by any means but when they are wrinkled, run down and crazy then they are not for me. I have been told I am a good looking guy and would be a great catch for any woman, so why isn't anyone throwing any lines out at me. I have been on dating sites and even asked woman that I thought for sure would be inviting for someone and there is something that they see that I don't. I am not conceded by any means , if anything I am the total opposite but I do know where I kinda stand in the dating world. All I have to offer is a big heart and great personality with good intentions and from what I have seen that is not what they are after. I see beautiful girls all day long with big hairy men with dirty teeth . These guys don't even pay these girls attention and they follow them like puppy dogs. Very hard to understand . I also have no life outside my home so very hard to meet people.


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

Well, its been awhile since I have been on here and many things have transpired since. The ex came back to me crying to get her some help on November 3rd. I made her leave the other guy she had been sleeping with for six weeks. She actually let me write the breakup speech and text it to him. He called the next morning and didn't believe that she wrote it. I brought the phone to her and she admitted she meant it. I then went to work while having a 40min conversation with this guy about who she was and what she does to guys. I told him that he was the 4th guy she had been with in 12 months and the 3rd in 2 months. I also told him that she was a raging drug addict and didn't love either of us but I try to keep her around for my sons sake and make the family try to work. He seemed understanding and thanked me for the advice and info. I gave her an ultimatum to get into a rehab within 4 days. I actually paid off her car since that is what was stopping her from going so she said. In six weeks of leaving me in september she had lost her car , got evicted and was gonna get her car repo'd. She also took up stripping for a weekend. I took her phone while she was with me and kept it by my side. I had answered it whenever somebody called. I had to tell all the drug deallers to leave her alone and that she would be gone for 6 months to rehab. I also got texts from some guy looking for sex. Come to find out it had got so bad she was shooting needles also. Well she poured on the tears and claimed she was gonna get herself straight for our family and that she wanted us to be happy. She went to detox on November 11th . I sent her a phone,stamps and some belonging she needed. She called about 2 weeks into it and said she was out of detox and gonna get into the 28 day program they had available on site which was alot shorter program than what we agreed upon. We planned she would do a 3-6 month program. She always takes the easy way out. She called a few more times throughout the program and claimed she could only talk for 10mins twice per week. She sounded great and sincere and kept telling me that things were gonna get better for us and she couldn't wait to come home. She also said that her and the counselors thought it would be a great idea to play a fun game with my son and count down the days till mommy came home. On december 27 she got released and told me not to worry about picking her up and that her NA sponsor was gonna come get her. I knew something was fishy about that. She called around 10:30am and said she would be here soon. I asked her how she got picked up and she claimed her sponsor did again. I knew better, so I waited outside for her to pull in. Sure enough she pulled up with the same guy she was sleeping with before and told me she was moving in with him into a new apartment ! Then she couldn't understand why I was so pissed and yelling. She blamed me for stressing her out in the first 20 mins back. Now I have to tell my son that the fun countdown was all a mistake and mommy wasn't coming home ! He didn't take it well. So she stayed for 4hrs and visited with my son and had the guy pick her back up and took all her stuff with her. She came the next 2 nights to see him and stayed till midnight till her man got out of work to pick her up. The second night she said she wanted to come home and make things work .So the next day she had me pick her up at his house at 1100am and I dropped her off at my house and went back to work. The guy came by at 3:00pm and dropped all her stuff back off. My floor was covered with her junk. I got home 1 hour later and she was a crying mess and said she felt bad for what she did to him. She told my mother that she didn't love me anymore and this house just didn't feel right to her. So when her man got out of work at midnight , he came and loaded all her stuff back up and took her out again ! About 6 days later I got a text that she needed to talk to me in person. I tried to have her just call and she said that he couldn't hear what she had to say. So I let her come by. she got on the floor and started crying that she was sorry and that someone should have stopped her from leaving. She said she had been miserable over there and made the biggest mistake of her life. She claimed that I was the only one that ever cared about her and she really wanted us to work. SO GUESS WHAT ? She stayed overnight and left the next day around 1pm and he picked her up. That night after he went to work she packed all her stuff back up and had me pick her up at 11pm before he got out of work. She left him a note ( according to her ) that said she had cheated on him the whole time they were together and that I had never lied to him about anything. She left his phone on the counter and came back to my house. As we were driving she said " Oh well , you warned him what I was like and he didn't listen. What was he thinking ? " as she laughed ! Putting the blame on him. The first 5 days were great . We laughed and cuddled , went out to eat and made love a few times. On the sixth day she woke up and wouldn't even talk to me and right away I knew she was thinking about him ! She said she was going for a walk around 2pm and she is not a walker . I figured she was walking to his house and knew he had to be to work by 3:30pm. He lives about 2 miles down the road. I also knew that he had to drive by my house to get to work, so I went across the street and waited around 320pm . Sure enough he dropped her off up the road from my house and drove away. I pulled up next to her and said I saw him drop her of and she just laughed with the most evil smile ever. I told her to go home and pack her stuff and get out for good. I then called him and told him to come get her for the 5th time within 2 weeks and asked him if he was getting the picture yet of who she was? He didn't respond and she got mad. When he showed up I went downstairs and he had his door open. I hollered over at him and thanked him for letting me borrow her for a couple days ! He didn't say a word... Now she has been out of the house for 4days so far and wants to come see her son while I work. I don't trust her in my house alone so I got a lock for my bedroom , so she can't snoop and use my computer. I forgot to mention that I did get her to sign Physical custody over to me before she went to rehab. She wouldn't even read the terms and still signed it. When she got out of rehab she then read it and didn't like what it said, but I told her I wasn't gonna change a thing on it. It allows her visitation at my discretion and supervised until she can provide a clean hair sample which will tell if she has done any drug in the last 3 months. I also have the right to make her take a urine test if I feel she is on drugs. My biggest problem is that the court date is not until March 5th and then it becomes final . But it is still a binding contract until then . She has signed off on being at the hearing because she doesn't wanna be questioned by the judge. So right now I am trying not to get her mad so she doesn't challenge the documents. If she does then I am in a court battle. I will just appease her until then hopefully and then I will have true control over the situation and can relax a bit. I absolutely hate the idea that she will probably take him around this other guy at some point and there is not much I can do to stop it other than threaten to get her for child support if she does !


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I don't really trigger about images unless I think about it. I think, it's in the past and I need to move on with my life. Yes, it sucks that it happened but I don't want to live in the past anymore. It was his choice so, whatever.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Wow CJ, that is really messed up. It is hard being a human sometimes, you seem like the only one that cares for her, but you need to care for yourself and you child first. You need to not only let go of her, you need to distance yourself and cut her out of your life, and her child's. The fact that you are worried but have resignation about your child being a part of this new life of hers means to me that you need to find more determination in you to keep her away. It is no longer your job to be her caretaker - she cares not an ounce for you and has shown you over and over again, she only cares about some d!ck - it is not your problem to deal with. You are CRAZY for laughing, cuddling and having sex with her, cut it out man have some self respect, there are so many better women out there than this. I hope you doubled up with the condoms - she is sexually promiscuous and an intravenous drug user, do you realize how risky that is to put your penis in her? Stop letting her suck you in to her deathspiral, hand her over to the professionals - if they have basically given up on her its because she has given up on herself, it may look like she has hit rock bottom but you lifting her up is keeping her from being able to rebound, and the thought she is a bottomless mess means that even faith alone isn't going to guarantee her survival. Detach or you are only prolonging your misery. god bless man, you are a good person I hope you can get clear of this sh!thole she has dug.


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

I have done much research since she left and found an enlightening diagnosis for her mental issues. It is called Narcissism and it is a highly powerful mental disorder. Narcissists can only survive on being desired and must have a fallback plan at all times. They suck you in with loving words and know just the right things to say to get you back after they leave. They are the most powerful manipulators in the world. They can most be related to Vampires. They feed off of your love and when they drain it all , then they get bored and go to the next victim. After they do the same to them , then they will come back and get whatever you have built up since they left. They call this " Feeding them their narcissistic supply ". They have to have this supply of games and torment to survive and if they can't find it they will wash the pain out with drugs ! They have such a trance on you that doctors say it is almost impossible to get out of without being very knowledgeable of what you are up against. This is why the OG can't stop letting her back in also , because he is in a trance too already. So it has been very empowering to find this info out and learn how to control this evil being. Problem is like you said , I have to have my son around her and she will corrupt his mind eventually by taking him around these guys. Narcissists have no conscience and cannot empathize with others feelings. I can honestly say that I am finally done , now that I know what I'm up against and also know that she can never change. Even therapists don't know how to fix a Narcissist , since they can't take blame or listen to reason !


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

yep, hard to diagnose a personality disorder in an addict, but very likely she is narcissist. either way, IMO you need distance, lots of distance for you and your son.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

CJ2 said:


> I have done much research since she left and found an enlightening diagnosis for her mental issues. It is called Narcissism and it is a highly powerful mental disorder. Narcissists can only survive on being desired and must have a fallback plan at all times. They suck you in with loving words and know just the right things to say to get you back after they leave. They are the most powerful manipulators in the world. They can most be related to Vampires. They feed off of your love and when they drain it all , then they get bored and go to the next victim. After they do the same to them , then they will come back and get whatever you have built up since they left. They call this " Feeding them their narcissistic supply ". They have to have this supply of games and torment to survive and if they can't find it they will wash the pain out with drugs ! They have such a trance on you that doctors say it is almost impossible to get out of without being very knowledgeable of what you are up against. This is why the OG can't stop letting her back in also , because he is in a trance too already. So it has been very empowering to find this info out and learn how to control this evil being. Problem is like you said , I have to have my son around her and she will corrupt his mind eventually by taking him around these guys. Narcissists have no conscience and cannot empathize with others feelings. I can honestly say that I am finally done , now that I know what I'm up against and also know that she can never change. Even therapists don't know how to fix a Narcissist , since they can't take blame or listen to reason !


She's also a drug addict. I hope that you won't allow her to see her son if her drug test comes back positive.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

CJ2 said:


> That is a big part of the problem too . I am 39 yrs old now and have wasted all of my 30's on her. .


Consider it a learning experience. For us guys, 39 is still young. Hell when I was separated the first girl that asked me out was 29 and I was 40. 


> Now I have to try to find someone around my age , that I'm not really attracted to.


No you don’t, you’d be surprised how many girls have daddy issues in their 20s that will date you. That being said, you have HORRIBLE taste in women so you really need to change your attitude about who you date. We all get on to women dating “bad boys”, well dating bad girls is just as bad.


> Something about women my age just turn me off and I don't know what it is.


Maybe it’s that they are more mature and self-confident? I couldn’t date a girl in her 20s now because I found them annoying and full of drama. Besides, women don’t really take sex to the next level until they reach their 30s. 


> I am not looking for a supermodel by any means but when they are wrinkled, run down and crazy then they are not for me.


You seem to like crazy judging by your dating history.


> I have been told I am a good looking guy and would be a great catch for any woman, so why isn't anyone throwing any lines out at me.


Because you are a man, any girls worth having YOU have to pursue. If you just date aggressive women you’ll end up with someone like your ex. 


> I have been on dating sites and even asked woman that I thought for sure would be inviting for someone and there is something that they see that I don't. I am not conceded by any means , if anything I am the total opposite but I do know where I kinda stand in the dating world. All I have to offer is a big heart and great personality with good intentions and from what I have seen that is not what they are after.


You should have someone sit down with you and be honest about how you present yourself. Most likely you are doing something wrong that you are not aware of. 


> I see beautiful girls all day long with big hairy men with dirty teeth . These guys don't even pay these girls attention and they follow them like puppy dogs. Very hard to understand . I also have no life outside my home so very hard to meet people.


For women it’s not about looks, it’s about confidence. Being confident is being self-sufficient, independent, and having dignity and self-respect. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. You became co-dependent and an enabler in your last relationship which made you appear weak.

Women don’t want to be treated like queens; they want to be equals with someone they respect. Without respect there is no love. 

Also stay away from addicts, that should be a given.


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

working_together said:


> She's also a drug addict. I hope that you won't allow her to see her son if her drug test comes back positive.


The court papers say if she tests positive then she will stay on supervised visitation until she can produce a clean test. When the judge finalizes the custody agreement on march 5th, then I will order a hair follicle test which will show if she has been clean for 3 months. She just got out of rehab so I am sure she will stay clean for another 6 weeks just because of it. I am hoping by the looks of how she has acted since she has been out , that she will use again which will actually keep my son safe in the long run. I know that is a terrible way to think , but it will keep her supervised with him and without supervision she is dangerous to him.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

CJ to quote a line from Nikki Sixx --Motley Crue.
"Addicts its always about us"

My brother in law is dating a chick just like her, its the drugs man, plain and simple,.....get away fast!!!

So sorry for you and your kid.....


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## CJ2 (Oct 4, 2011)

strugglinghusband said:


> CJ to quote a line from Nikki Sixx --Motley Crue.
> "Addicts its always about us"
> 
> My brother in law is dating a chick just like her, its the drugs man, plain and simple,.....get away fast!!!
> ...


But its not the drugs ! The drugs are when she runs out of narcissistic supply. Thats when she can't cope anymore. She just got out of rehab and really doesn't have any intentions of doing drugs anymore, but that doesn't change the fact of her mental disorder which is the real issue. The drugs are just there to fill the void when she can't get happy.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

That's the thing I couldn't get over. Thinking of your woman moaning because of that other man and his disgusting hands all over her...... how can you ever have sex with her again knowing that piece of **** was there?

It just brings out blooding chilling thoughts about what I'd wish to do to that man. One thing I could NEVER get (and this is more common than I thought) are the betrayed spouses who get off on that stuff, W-T-F


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