# Splitting everything 50/50?



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Wife and I are separating. She is offering to split everything right down the middle. We will be in the same small town only a few minutes apart. She says that a one week split where you drop them off at school on monday morning and the other parent picks them up that afternoon then keeps them until the next monday morning is what she is wanting to do. She prefers this as well as I do to the every other weekend concept or standard one weekend a month for dad kind of thing. We would rotate them one week at a time for the entire year. There is no 2 weeks in the summer kind of thing either. Holidays will be shared together. We offered for each of us to be able to sleep over christmas eve for example to be there in the morning for them. I understand when other people get involved such as new boyfriends/girlfriends that it might change somewhat and I also understand that there needs to be a "dad's house" and "mom's house" type of boundary with the kids so they understand there are two separate family units once other people get involved. Also, she's not going after my money so far. She is only asking that I pay a little spousal support when the time is right until she is on her feet financially and can support herself. I know this sounds like the exact opposite of what you usually hear but we are extremely committed to giving the kids the best possible chance of coming out of this with the least amount of impact. We live in Texas by the way. It's my understanding that if you agree to as much as possible ahead of time and you can sit in front of a lawyer and nod your head that you completely understand what you are giving up or gaining respectively, that they will write it up and verify that you nodded your head so that the judge won't think your completely crazy.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Thanks for sharing.

I'd like to do they every other week thing, too. I'm not sure how holidays will work, though. I would like to continue to be the care provider for before and after school and summers, though, since I work at home. 

The more you can agree on the cheaper and faster the process is. Good for you guys!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

That sounds like a good plan! Hope it works out!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

One thing I would suggest is that for the summer have vacation time when each of you can take the children on a vacation for 2 weeks. The way we did it was that we had to let the other now by the end of March which 2 week vacation block we wanted in the summer... though we usually had no problem if the other did not firm up their vacation until closer to the actual vacation time.

Just make sure that the plan is written. While the two of you might be getting along now you have no idea whether or not it will all go south some time in the future. So having a plan written and in a court order makes it much more likely that neither of you will start a fight over who get the kids when.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Hey Otter,
Live in TX too, and was divorced on the last day of Aug. 2011.
We went to a mediator, who was an attorney as well to draft up our agreement. It was a divorce agreement though, not just a seperation. What we did was take a standard possession order and modify it to read that the parents have made an agreement for custody and if there were any problems the "Standard Possession Order" was the fall back.
So far we have been trading our child off after school on Fridays, so she gets to spend the weekend and then a whole week with each of us. Holidays are Odd years, Even years, but again, the fact that we had a generalized statement regarding parenting plan, we are free to do what we wish. 
The ex and I can communicate. I cant say there is amicable friendship, but we talk, and so far there have been no problems with schedules. 
Look at things like daycare and try to make the scheduling as easy as possible for everyone because you're going to need it.
Now, tell me about the community property. 
Since yours and her retirement programs are community property, and everything obtained of value since the day you were married is community property, have you agreed to a division of those assets that is going to work for you? There is no requirement for alimony towards a wife in TX, unless she is disabled or cannot work, and even that is limited in time. Your issue is child support. 20% off your after tax income. Cars? Businesses? Property, valuables, retirement programs, credit card debts, outstanding debts, mortgages, everything down to whose going to get the bottle of Tabasco in the fridge?
One of you will still have to appear in court, I chose to appear, despite the fact that my wife was filing.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I guess what I am saying is that having a divorce decree from the mediator to go by, and modify, allowed us to meet the obligations of the court, and know what they were, as well as establish additional requirements of one another if there be any. 
I also mulled thru the entire Family Law code in TX, its on the state website. It gives what the judge is going to go by, so keep that in mind, if he/she sees anything not within state guidelines they are going to ask about it. 
Since my exwife was filing for divorce, she paid to retain the mediator/lawyer, who sat with us both and helped us work out our agreement. She did represent my exwife in court, but it was simply to issue the agreement and get the judge to sign it, not to pursue or defend anything towards me.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Thanks for all the info guys. As far as assets go we are not splitting up much. We each have our own vehicle in our own names. The house has been on the market for 3 years and we are down to giving it away at the value of our mortgage payoff so there's no equity there to divide but we are both on the mortgage. Assets around the house are sparse....I have a curio cabinet my grandmother left me in her will. Nothing else much of value. None of the furniture matches anything lol. I think we'd both be inclined to buying new stuff for ourselves. We plan to move at as close to the same time as possible this summer to the town I've been working in for three years (also where the kids have been going to school and ride with me every day on our one hour commute). Of course we will have separate houses when we get there. One of us will have to get a house with a backyard because of the dogs. We are going to still live together and share everything like normal until it's time to actually move then she will get her own checking account, etc. Neither of us have anything in retirement. I'll most likely assume payments on our debts which are minimal but she will take over her own student loan payments. 

I like the idea of having the standard possession orders and just modifying it to say we have our own parenting plan and if those are an issue then one or the other falls back to standard.

Right now afterschool care is YMCA. I pick them up after work at 5 and drive us home. Her part time job pretty much follows the school calendar so she is off most days that they are so they just stay home. Even days when they aren't she has the flexibility to bring them to work. We've been having more discussions in the past day or so that are actual discussions and not arguments. I think once I realized she was trying to be so generous with the time that I kind of calmed down and we're approaching it with an open mind.


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

Sounds like you've got the groundwork down for a good start. Stbx and I are just starting to test our parenting split now. Thinking that a week at a time is a bit much - also, we both travel fairly frequently with work so we are agreeing we will have to be a bit flexible. Last couple of weeks we have had a split week with rotating weekends which seems to be the way to go at the moment.

I doubt we will follow it strictly...but in time other relationships as and when they occur will no doubt booger it up somewhat which is why I really want something workable written in right now which you can always fall back on.

If we were going to do a week at a time, likely the case would be that the other parent gets to have a meal out or something with the little one mid week, or even if you can stand it (might not always be possible) have a joint meal out. I guess it all depends on the way your situation is and how your feelings are....stbx and I don't want to really have a scenario where the dropoff/pickup is done at school so as never to see the ex spouse; while through necessity some of it will take place at school, at the moment at least we are happy enough with going round to the others house and having a coffee or something as part of the pickup schedule. 

I understand in some cases that is necessary/desired by both parting spouses to not see each other at all (and who knows, maybe there will come points when we get like that) - but I think if you possibly can it would be very good for the kid(s) sake. 

Idealistic it might be, but its something I'm going to do my best to maintain.


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## jverner (Oct 6, 2012)

Input options, then download the Standard Possession Order to your iPhone or iPad. Through 2050. Calendars for the Standard Possession Order


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