# Question about the Viagra/Cialis post



## Angeline (Aug 25, 2016)

I noticed that for a lot of you, getting erections that are rock hard is a really positive thing.
Is this because it makes things (intercourse, etc..) feel better/more arousing for you?
Or is it because you feel it makes for a better experience/is more impressive for your partner? 

Also, if in a long-term relationship, do you think you don't always reach full potential because you're used to the person you've been with? 
Hypothetically, say you're in a position to be with someone hot and new...does that rock hard erection come back? Or is it just an age thing? 

Thanks!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I've never used Viagra. But as a 68 year old man, who works out to stay in shape, firm erections "feel" good.

My feeling is that firm erections also allow for more options and confidence in sex. If my erection weakens, I need to stay within my wife's vagina more deeply for fear of slipping out an not getting back in. If I have a firm erection, I can do very shallow playful strokes and if I fall out, pop right back in.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

If more women knew how to be with their man going through his changes there be little need for that pill.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Dannip said:


> If more women knew how to be with their man going through his changes there be little need for that pill.


If the man has gone impotent there is nothing they can do. It is a medical issue. They need the pill. So even if they know 'how to be with their man' it'll make no difference.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

IME a lot of men were actually softer the first few times when new and then it got harder as comfort set it. I think a bit of nerves at the start maybe. So fresh and new doesn't always = rock hard. 

40% of men aged 40 have some experience with ED and that keeps going up as age does so I hope you aren't putting it on yourself OP. It just happens. 

There's not a lot we can do except stay positive and encouraging imo. If they worry about it, it'll make it worse. If it's just a slight problem you can try a **** ring. Bonus points for getting a vibrating one, they are fun to grind on  

I'd love my bf to give a pill a try just to see how it goes. Sometimes he loses it but it's quick to come back and I don't mind at all. I think it could help a bit on his side, I worry about the health risks though.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Dannip said:


> If more women knew how to be with their man going through his changes there be little need for that pill.


This is inaccurate at best and downright judgemental and derogatory at worst. 

This is like saying a menopausal woman would be like a young woman if only her partner did more housework and did what she says. 

Many middle aged and older men are experiencing physiological changes in the blood flow of their penises. It is a physiological effect that may have absolutely nothing to do with their wives or relationships.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Angeline said:


> Also, if in a long-term relationship, do you think you don't always reach full potential because you're used to the person you've been with?
> Hypothetically, say you're in a position to be with someone hot and new...does that rock hard erection come back? Or is it just an age thing?
> 
> Thanks!


In my experience it is often the opposite and that mature men can be more prone to erectile difficulties the first couple times with someone new. 

It may be exciting and intriguing in spirit to be with someone new, but the penis may not be as fit for duty as the spirit for first few times.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For me it varies in an unpredictable way, no clear pattern.

I'm fortunate in so far not having ED problems as I age (if only my wife wanted to take advantage of my good fortune).






Angeline said:


> I noticed that for a lot of you, getting erections that are rock hard is a really positive thing.
> Is this because it makes things (intercourse, etc..) feel better/more arousing for you?
> Or is it because you feel it makes for a better experience/is more impressive for your partner?
> 
> ...


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I now use Viagra but did not have to until I turned 60. Most women judge their desirability and attractiveness by how hard a man gets during sex with them. That is why so many are not happy when their man does not get rock hard. I know that when I first got ED, my wife asked me if it was because I did not find her attractive anymore. She also keeps asking if I took Viagra or not and I have to explain to her that Viagra and Cialis do not work like portrayed in the movies. Taking one does not make you hard at all like you see on comedies in the media. You still will react according to the amount of arousal and stimulation you are receiving. 

My ED is caused by my Diabetes and side effects of some of my medications. I still can get hard sometimes without Viagra but not the painful kind of hard. When I take Viagra it does not guarantee a very hard erection or an erection at all. With or without Viagra, your hardness level will vary according to how aroused you get. 

I had a girlfriend who cheated on me weekly as I later learned. The reason is that she used to be a hot cheerleader and now was older and more plump. She had to have sex with every man she knew, even all of my friends, to validate that men still found her desirable and attractive. What she did not understand is that men friend all easy or sure things attractive no matter how they look. So yes, girls do use a penis as a yardstick to measure their sexual abilities or attractiveness. Men measure their manhood by their penis size and erections. When fully erect their penises are longer so that is what they like too. Plus the feeling of a rock hard penis is also a turn on for the guy. It increases your urge to have an orgasm.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Dannip said:


> If more women knew how to be with their man going through his changes there be little need for that pill.


That has very little to do with anything.

Let's be honest here.

A lot of men don't live healthy lifestyles (and women too, but that's not the subject of this post). Just walk down the street and you'll see most older men aren't physically fit specimens of masculinity. Most are moderately to extremely overweight, most don't exercise or eat right, and as you get older, your organs and body parts simply don't work like they used to. Some are on medications that interfere with erections, some have been smokers their whole adult lives, some have been moderate to heavy drinkers, some have medical conditions that cause it, and some simply no longer have the free and easy blood flow it takes to get and maintain an erection like they did when they were 25. It's just a fact of life.

All the "knowing how to be with a man during his changes' in the WORLD ain't going to *change* a man's physical condition when the damage has already been done.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

And Men are not alone in the bedroom, the bathroom, the livingroom, the deserted beach, on the boat, in the woods, in the sunny field on a picnic blanket, in the back of the car.

They are never alone.......

The sit, they stand, they swim, they lay...with..

That Committee of Nay Sayers.

Those bodily functions that must work together, must agree on that hard nosed plan.

And they must do so quickly.

No arguing, no balking. 

The ball boy must deliver the semen and sperm.

The prostated hunk must deliver the juice from his storage locker.

The head honcho in the brain case must order up the chemical mixture to the blood stream.

The nervy bastards in the spinal elevator must deliver the bosses message down to the 4th floor where all the diks hang out.

The weeny boys must get off their asses and open the gates to let in the blood flow and the chemical messages from the boss.

After the message arrives, the weeny boys must remember to close the gate, to keep the horny goats from flowing back out, allowing the weeny boys to slack off...again.

Those lazy weeny boys have to be monitored and kept in a straight line. They have no discipline. They only listen when they get jerked hard and often. They have short memories and short attention spans and the women gets short shrifted by these slackers who need to be constantly coddled. Constantly need their egos stroked, their little heads patted and kissed. And if you hurt their feeling they get limp wristed and shrink away.

Oh, talk about mad...

The Boss in the Cranium is FURIOUS. Nobody follows his lead, obeys his orders. He first gets angry and slaps these numb skulls with the back of his hand. The weeny boys get hit the hardest. The hardest because the Boss is pissed because they keep shirking their duty and shrinking away from their job. 

They keep telling the Boss that others are to blame. The gates won't open or won't stay closed, the juices do not arrive in time. The pressure from the garden hose is not sufficient to pump up the clown.

Everyone runs for cover blaming everyone else.

Meanwhile the tongue and fingers keep doing their thing....hoping the insurrection is short lasting and that things will return to solid ground, to a hard nosed equilibrium soon. 

This Committee of Naysayers never cooperate in unison. They are Tom Cats, and go each their own way. They continue to soft soap the boss.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I went from having only one partner for 26 years to having many in a relatively short period of time. I agree with the assessment that it does get better with familiarity, to a point. When I was with my ex, I knew ahead of time exactly what was going to happen, how and when. There was a comfort level of knowing what my "role" was. There was also the ability to relax more because I felt competent in this sexual relationship because I had been "successful" before. So I was more at ease.

When you are with someone new. There is the excitement of the newness. You have probably (hopefully she has to) been thinking about it for days, if not weeks. At the base of it, the whole reason you date someone is so that you can sleep with them. So the expectations build and along with it universe of unknowns. You have seen her "put together" but you have probably not seen her naked, nor she you. Do her breasts sag, does she have perky nipples, does she get wet, does she moan or scream, does she like to talk, does she like to be on top, taken from behind or have you on top, does she like oral, anal or being cum on. You may have talked about it and she may have told you, but you still don't know until the moment occurs.

Then you have performance anxiety. Will you get hard? Are you big enough? Are you skillful enough? Will you find the spots to hit? Do YOU like the things she likes? Are you comfortable with a talker, a moaner, a screamer or some one more quiet. What sort of things excite you? Will she do them? Is she selfish? etc etc. If there is a problem, does it end there? Will she be sympathetic or turned off? The questions begin to race thru your head, which leads to more anxiety.

I am sure for some, all of this is overcome by the rush of the moment or the excitement of the newness. For me, it was like showing up for a hockey match dressed to play basketball. I was used to certain things. In fact in some ways I had built fantasies around them that I could play out in real life as they unfolded in my brain. As I said I was comfortable in the role I had played and wasn't really sure about ad-libbing. 

I had also formed opinions of certain things. For instance my ex never let me cum in her mouth or even touch her when she gave me oral. I formed the opinion that women must not like it. She also never gave me oral if I had been in her vagina. If I went down on her, I had to brush my teeth, gargle with battery acid and undergo dermal abrasion before she would even consider letting me kiss her on the mouth. So another opinion was formed that women must not like that. Well needless to say the first time a woman gave me head after we had been at it and she begged me to cum in her mouth, I was rather taken by surprised.

My point in this long response is that Viagra or Cialis at the very least alleviates some of the performance anxiety. You will know that if you remain engaged you will be erect and rock hard. So from that standpoint it is a good thing. Then as you learn your new partner and things happen whenever, you will begin to understand that you don't need those things. You will be more relaxed and less anxious.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> That has very little to do with anything.
> 
> Let's be honest here.
> 
> ...


See what I mean?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Speaking as a woman, I can report that rock hard is good (and always much appreciated!)...


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

The answer is both. I feel much more confident with a full, hard erection. And my W has stated that it provides a bonus level of stimulation for her.
Now granted, throughout the 26 yrs I have known her, I have been a trained conisiur of oral/finger manipulation. She enjoys it immensely, and unlike erections my tongue and fingers won't diminish with age.
But she also enjoys the fullness and pounding of a hard dong inside her, and that is where the benefits of chemical assistance is appreciated. When I am soft-hard, I can only maintain certain positions without falling out or frequent reinsertions. When hard-hard with a nearly 9 inch reach, I can engage in numerous positions-from just touching the area around the clit, to going balls deep, depending on her level of arousal and needs. 
One of her favs is what we call climbing Mount D. I lay face up with a thick pillow under my butt, and she straddle rides me like a horse, with a vibrating c-ring turned on high. She can control the depth and I get to play with her boobs.
This position will work when I am not full hard, but is so much better for both of us when I am. She cums a couple of times, then falls off into a deep sleep.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Angeline, as to the second part of your question: I don't think total hardness is at all related to comfortability/familiarity with your partner. I am super comfortable with my W and I want to give her the best, but after 40 mr. peen won't rise to the occasion fully. And I don't think that would matter with someone new. I don't think you can overcome physiology. 

I would just worry if I was dating again and met someone new while using "extra help", and then I ran out or for some reason just had to perform naturally, albeit sub-par. Would I be guilty of starting a relationship under false pretenses?


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

Angeline said:


> I noticed that for a lot of you, getting erections that are rock hard is a really positive thing.
> Is this because it makes things (intercourse, etc..) feel better/more arousing for you?
> Or is it because you feel it makes for a better experience/is more impressive for your partner?


A little of each, I think. From a 'for me' perspective, things feel different when I'm not 100%. It makes penetration (any stimulation, really) feel better when the skin and nerves are stretched. Being softer feels less intense. Being 'rock hard' has a certain heft, weight, and feel to it that I am very accustomed to after all of these years. I think it feels better. 

From a 'for her' perspective, it is definitely easier to thrust deeper and more vigorously when completely hard. Pushing a wet noodle puts a damper on things. I pop out easier and, to be honest, don't last as long when I'm not at 100%. The latter probably has something to do with the nerve endings being packed closer together and the friction being different.

Harder is definitely better and less frustrating (even before we start talking ego .


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> This is inaccurate at best and downright judgemental and derogatory at worst.
> 
> This is like saying a menopausal woman would be like a young woman if only her partner did more housework and did what she says.
> 
> Many middle aged and older men are experiencing physiological changes in the blood flow of their penises. It is a physiological effect that may have absolutely nothing to do with their wives or relationships.


Not from an article I've read. Will have to go find it. It made a lot of sense. Written by a woman I believe. So hold off on the judgement. Had nothing to do with dishes.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Using viagra or similar with a partner doesn't seem like false pretenses as long as you plan to continue to do so in the future. 



MAJDEATH said:


> snip
> 
> I would just worry if I was dating again and met someone new while using "extra help", and then I ran out or for some reason just had to perform naturally, albeit sub-par. Would I be guilty of starting a relationship under false pretenses?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

MAJDEATH said:


> One of her favs is what we call climbing Mount D. I lay face up with a thick pillow under my butt, and she straddle rides me like a horse, with a vibrating c-ring turned on high. She can control the depth and I get to play with her boobs. This position will work when I am not full hard, but is so much better for both of us when I am. She cums a couple of times, then falls off into a deep sleep.


I would love to reply to this question but I have to immediately take up mountain climbing.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Personally, I think women should have to pay the brave male posters for what was written here.

Then again, their husbands and SO's and ONS's will reap the rewards if they learned anything. Sounds fair to me!

I liked @Ynot's #12 lengthy post.

Just Sayin'


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Angeline said:


> I noticed that for a lot of you, getting erections that are rock hard is a really positive thing.
> Is this because it makes things (intercourse, etc..) feel better/more arousing for you?


Yes, it feels better, and is much more arousing for me. Absolutely feels better and more intense.



Angeline said:


> Or is it because you feel it makes for a better experience/is more impressive for your partner?


Without a doubt I can tell you that EQ makes it a better experience for me and my wife. My wife orgasms much easier and more when my EQ is very good. Before I started taking ED meds, sex was still good "most" of the time, but after it is always good.



Angeline said:


> Also, if in a long-term relationship, do you think you don't always reach full potential because you're used to the person you've been with?


I have been married for over 20-1/2 years. Familiarity definitely has its benefits because you get to know what your partner likes, experiment more, and it provides a level of comfort that wouldn't be there with someone new. Even after being married as long as we have, we haven't come near to reaching our "full potential". Sex just keeps getter better and better and better. I never want that trend to stop. I'm always trying to get better at pleasing my wife, and the results have been amazing to say the least.



Angeline said:


> Hypothetically, say you're in a position to be with someone hot and new...does that rock hard erection come back? Or is it just an age thing?
> 
> Thanks!


I don't want anybody else..., but, hypothetically speaking, if I absolutely had to, I would say that if I were to be with someone hot and new, the rock hard erection would come back. I would likely make sure of it with ED meds, however. And, yes, it's likely an age related thing seeing as I am already 56 years old.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I used to weigh 325, and now weigh 195. I had to lose the weight as my diabetes was not well controlled. The diabetes did not kill erections, it did however make them suddenly fail. I have been on Cialis for well over a year and I no longer suffer failures, the quality of the erection is much firmer and lasts much longer. My wife and I are forever grateful to the power of medical science.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I can last for a long time, 30+ mins no issue. Problem is, the D gets a little soft after a while and you start worrying about it remaining hard and thinking of whatever to arouse you. With some cialis in the system, it remains rock hard no matter what and you don't have to keep touching down there to make sure he's still stiff. And yes, it does seem to be bigger, mainly in girth. I love it. But I don't need it, just taking it on Fridays mainly since it lasts the weekend.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

We've been averaging every other night, and on vacation, several times a day.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Perhaps it is psychological for the men. Subconsciously, if I don't give the W the high hard one regularly, maybe she will long for a younger man who will.
And if I had to met a new love interest, I would want her to think: "gee this guy has a big tool"!


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## Angeline (Aug 25, 2016)

Wow, thanks all for your very thoughtful responses! I am learning so much. I never knew about the complex level of anxiety behind 'performance.' 
My husband has, on occasion, gone soft for no apparent reason. That was in his 30's though. He is in good health, but possibly 10 lbs. heavier than he should be. I don't know if that small amount could be a contributing factor. 
Interestingly, he is now 40 and no issues thus far..he seems to stay hard and last long, no meds. 
I always felt like those times he didn't stay up were because of me. Of course, it got me feeling very self-conscious and concerned about the fact that he's probably tired of the same woman for so long..that's why I asked if a new woman would wake 'him' back up. Some say a new woman might cause more performance anxiety. Someone said it would be good for their erection strength. All of this is so eye-opening. Thanks for being so open..very much appreciated!


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

OP, glad we could help. If your H is healthy he could always try a low dose sample from his doctor and see how you both like it. You both might be pleasantly surprised 8====>


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Angeline said:


> Wow, thanks all for your very thoughtful responses! I am learning so much. I never knew about the complex level of anxiety behind 'performance.'
> My husband has, on occasion, gone soft for no apparent reason. That was in his 30's though. He is in good health, but possibly 10 lbs. heavier than he should be. I don't know if that small amount could be a contributing factor.
> Interestingly, he is now 40 and no issues thus far..he seems to stay hard and last long, no meds.
> I always felt like those times he didn't stay up were because of me. Of course, it got me feeling very self-conscious and concerned about the fact that he's probably tired of the same woman for so long..that's why I asked if a new woman would wake 'him' back up. Some say a new woman might cause more performance anxiety. Someone said it would be good for their erection strength. All of this is so eye-opening. Thanks for being so open..very much appreciated!


Angeline, I've heard this before, where the wife starts to think it's something she's doing, and is taking the blame. Take my word for it, it is NOT YOUR FAULT if this happens. It happens to every man at some point, and is normal. Men have fluctuations in hormone levels, too, and most of the time it is caused by stress (anxiety), especially considering he is a young man in good health. If the problem is a persistent one, then it would be time to address it. I would also hazard a guess that your husband has at least "thought" about taking an ED med on occasion.

If your husband is anything like me, another woman is most definitely not something I would entertain. Even though I have been married well over 20 years, I am still fully attracted to my wife, and she is the only woman I want to be with.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

the simple answer is, if a penis is not very hard, it is difficult for the man to orgasm. That is priority #1.

A more distant 2nd priority is that a hard penis will please his lady more, and give longer time for her to actually achieve an orgasm. 

3rd is probably just a male ego thing...being able to say "Look! I can still get it hard like when i was younger!", as he hangs a bath towel off of it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Dannip said:


> If more women knew how to be with their man going through his changes there be little need for that pill.


Great book for this discussion..  All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man Over 50



> "Turning 50 can be one of the most powerful and positive sexual passages in a man's life," writes Barbara Keesling, a sexuality and psychotherapy educator. However, "the focus has to be on lovemaking, not erections--on partnership, not performance." After 50, men's sexual response is affected by the "Big 5": stimulation, circulation, lubrication, stress, and sleep. Keesling teaches women (and men) how to understand how the "Big 5" affect sex, and specifically what to do about each of them. For example, anything that affects blood flow affects erections: temperature, time after eating, position, friction, gravity, and illness, to name just a few.
> 
> Keesling presents a series of exercises designed to keep your man "sexually fit, sexually focused, and sexually fabulous for decades." Some are performed during lovemaking; others are completely separate from sex. Some are done by the woman on the man; others by the man on his own. She also offers her 21 "home remedies" for maximizing sexual enjoyment.
> 
> Keesling stresses that mental attitudes--yours and his--are as important as the physical exercises. Understanding his aging process will help you accept his changes and adapt your lovemaking so that it's still exciting, loving, and satisfying, even though it may be quite different. Keesling isn't just talking about sex--she's talking about intimacy, acceptance, and love. And those can be powerful aphrodisiacs.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I think the biggest problem is that it becomes a crutch for men. All of the sudden, you worry even more if you didn't use it.


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