# need help!!!



## margiesue_84 (Oct 10, 2012)

Okay my husband and I have been together for 4 years now, married for 6 months. I have 3 boys from a previous relationship and we have a child together. Things were rocky before we got married and we broke up while I pregnant with our daughter. It really helped bring us back together and having her really helped us out. A year after she was born we got married. Part of me did it for our daughter, the other part did it cause I wanted to. Well now things have gone back to the way they were before we broke up the first time. Neither one of us have been unfaithful, no drug issues, no alcohol issues. He is a good dad, although he has a very short temper and tends to get irate about EVERYTHING. He is a good man over all. I love him, I really do, but there is no passion to it at all. We are not intimate at all and when we are it is really quick no foreplay, just to the point he finishes and its done. Nothing rreally in it for me. I am at the point that I can only handle him in small doses. Everything he does irritates me. I find myself complaining about everything he does. My boys have some emotional issues we have been going to counseling for and he has made 2 sessions in about 4 months and they go every week. I have made the decision for me and the kids to stay at my moms and he stays at the house.. I thought this might clue him in that something is up but it hasn't.. He come over here every day after work and stays till like 830-9. I think we need a full seperation, but not one that is the begining of a divorce, but one that takes us back to a clean slate, so we can become friends and start out slow and make sure this is really what we want.. He will say this is what I want and beg for me to not do this but I am not sure this is what i want.. I know I don't wanna jump to a divorce but he really doesn't know me as well as he thinks he does. I need to know if I am looking at this the right way and how to go about talking to him.. I want to do it sincerly and I dont' want to hurt him too bad. I know it will hurt but I want to save as much pain as possible.. HELP!!!!


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

You are probably right that your current separation isn't really giving either of you a chance to evaluate what your life would be like without each other. 

But, before you try to go no contact, I think you'd better talk with your H to see if you've exhausted all the other possibilities. 

Are you in marriage counseling? have you tried reading something like 5 languages of love or His Needs, Her Needs?


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## margiesue_84 (Oct 10, 2012)

We have not done counseling yet, he has yet to talk to his counselor provided at his work for an appointment. But we have contact and talk on a daily basis. I made this agreement but he has yet to do anything to make it better or work on it.


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## dumpedandhappy (Aug 17, 2012)

I have a question: do you really want him? 
When you see him, do your inners stir? Is there a rush of happiness such that a smile brightens your face when he looks at you? 
Does the smell of his cologne or the sound of his voice make you wish that you were both on holiday laughing in a white linen bed?
What will counsellors say that will help? Behaviour modifcations? Re-build the structure, open up and re-new? read books, make notes, work harder....
I often wonder if people are a match, especially when youlearn of the troubles they have already faced. 
No one wants to be alone so we often pursue relationships that may in fact not be healthy....

In my mind: if there is no PASSION then what is the relationship about? Commitment alone may be a basis but at the end of the day without PASSION, will you ever truly love the other? Will you always want what they cannot give? 

People aren't perfect, none of us are, but there are better situations out there, better suited to help you find happiness. Happiness is what we all deserve, life is too short. 

IMHO


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