# Crossing Boundries



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Maybe a question for the ladies.My wife is very LD and has been for yrs.Last yr she went to her Male Doctor for her annual visit. She and I talked about talking to him about her Lack Of Desire .She mention it to him and she felt rather uncomfortable talking to him about.Well he did nothing,He said he was agaist any Hormone pills and told her to go to the drug stone and look for some natural things.Well its time for her to go back in for her check up again.
My question is do you think it would be out of line for me the husband to contact the doctor thur email and maybe explain to him the importance of the situlation.She is kinda shy and maybe did not tell him like it is.Plus I really don't know if legally he can talk to me about one on his patence.My life would shoot me if she found out that I did this. But i feel its for her own good.Just a concerned husband wathing out for his wife.


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## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

I would suggest you don't do it. If my wife ever bypassed me for any reason, especially regarding sex, I definitely wouldn't be a happy husband.

If the doctor isn't taking it seriously she can always try going to a different one. She could also get blood work done that will tell you if it actually is a hormonal problem or not. If that is done and something is a little abnormal, other doctors would likely take it more seriously.

Keep in mind that hormonal birth control methods can often reduce the amount of free testosterone, which is what controls sex drive. If she is one the pill, she could go off of it for a few months to see if it makes a difference.

There hasn't been enough research on testosterone supplements for women for any treatments to be FDA approved. There are creams and supplements anyway, but you take them at your own risk. At any rate, there are "natural" ways to increase testosterone levels. I've read that ginseng supplements, exercise, and various foods naturally increase free T levels.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

In my opinion it's your wife who has to be willing to not take no for an answer. She has to be the one to stress to the doctor how important it is. If she says to the doctor, look my marriage is falling apart and about to fail and I need to get this fixed, and he ignores it then she needs a new doctor. I suspect that really what she said is my husband thinks there's a problem but I'm perfectly happy. So he just tries to reassure her that she's "normal" rather than going down the road toward treatment.

And no, I don't think the doctor will discuss your wife's medical issues with you. That would be against the law and would open him up to a slam dunk lawsuit.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

I believe it would be crossing the line, but I understand as I was in a similar situation with my wife before we separated. I am still confused, but our relationship is doing much better.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

No she needs a doctor who listens to her and acts on her wishes...not his own.
He should have at least checked her hormones and basic blood test.

But I certainly wouldn't want my H to phone and speak for me... she's not a child. I'd be mortified if it were me.

BTW... I take herbs to treat PMS type symptoms and have had excellent results. I use natural medicine as a first port of call always so that certainly is another option... use a registered herbalist or naturopath if you do decide to try this way.

OH...is she on birth control?


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

You are all right.Just from one male to the next,Him being a Doctor you think he would help a brother out a bit?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Have her get a new FEMALE Doctor!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dump this doctor


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

There's probably many good reasons why the doctor isn't prescribing something else. He knows your wife and her medical history AND probably knows what would and would not work. I don't think it's fair to throw the doctor under the bus on this one.

But to answer your question, directly contacting the doctor is a bad idea. However, you could ask your wife if you could join her in the consultation part of the visit to discuss this with the doctor.

If she says no, it may be that she just doesn't want it resolved.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> You are all right.Just from one male to the next,Him being a Doctor you think he would help a brother out a bit?


No, he wouldn't. His job is to help the patient, tho I think he was pushing HER wishes aside because of his personal feelings about the subject. He is not there to "help a brother out".


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I dont see this going over well with either the dr or the wife!

I asked my dr about my lack of libido years ago when my second husband and I were married. He told me that it was probably stress related, or maybe we had some unresolved issues. It turns out that after he and I were no longer together, that I realized that my sexual issues were all mental. My husband, after a while, never had anything positive to say to me, and only paid attention to me when he wanted sex. Add to that my poor self image from some weight gain and there went my libido. Some months after we separated, I got involved with a man who was able to bring my sexual appetite back, and its been here since! (he isnt, but my libido is! LOL!)


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Have her get a new FEMALE Doctor!


Not a bad idea...


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I have found that most docs are too busy to spend a lot of time or to really dig into things with a patient. They are under a lot of pressure to get the numbers up. Which means the patient has to take some initiative to advocate for themselves.

Your wife needs to emphasize to the doc that this is a real problem which is causing a quality of life crisis. Perhaps the doc can suggest some alternative providers.

Fwiw, I am in agreement that giving hormones is usually a bad idea. Your wife should have tests done to be sure pharmaceuticals are even called for.

There are probably a lot of safe alternative ideas which you two can research online. Vitamins, natural supplements, lifestyle changes, exercise, reducing alcohol, etc etc. Maybe some couples counseling. Sex therapist? Endocrinologist?


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