# Need advice



## AnnRains (Oct 16, 2013)

My husband moved back home after a long seperation and now we are falling apart again. I just cant leave the past in the past. We have both made some serious mistakes and decided to try again but due to a break down on my part which I felt was well deserved he now is sleeping on the couch for the last week, wants nothing to do with me, says I annoy him. He says he has given up and has no faith in me. He wont talk about our relationship at all. But it is consuming me, it is all I think about. Do I just leave it alone and hope it gets better? We have been married for 17 years and have 3 children together. There is alot at stake here. I have vowed to leave the past in the past, I know that I have to forgive him if I want this to work. But what do I do for right now, his alienation is killing me. I feel so lost and confused, I just want my family back.


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## rabbislatkin (Sep 23, 2013)

You mentioned having a breakdown and that you felt it was "justified". What does that mean? Whatever it was that you did, how do you think that could be pushing him away? 

Pressuring him might turn him the other way, and while it can be good to give him his space, you'll want to start figuring out ways to show him that you care and that you really want to be in relationship. 

A relationship can change and transform if you're willing to commit to it. You mentioned that you have a lot at stake, and that alone is worth committing to make this relationship work, if not for you than for the sake of the children. Find ways to love him again. Think about what made you fall in love in the first place, spend your time focusing on having positive experiences as opposed to negative ones. Take some time to put positive energy back into your relationship and you may even want to take a breather from talking about your long time complaints.

There's a book you may want to consider reading called How to Improve your Marriage without Talking About It, by Dr. Patricia Love which can help you to be able to focus positively on your relationship. Wishing you much success!


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## AnnRains (Oct 16, 2013)

Thank you


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## AnnRains (Oct 16, 2013)

I had a meltdown, he mentioned that he felt lost being home and I took it the wrong way, I acted horribly. like a child. I didnt listen. I yelled and threw things and said horrible things that I shouldnt have. Things that I cant take back. The more I talk, the further it pushes him away.


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