# Company parties



## mdr1960 (1 mo ago)

Is it inappropriate to place your hand on your wife's knee at her company holiday party?


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

mdr1960 said:


> Is it inappropriate to place your hand on your wife's knee at her company holiday party?


no .. your married .


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

TheGodfather said:


> no your married


i apologize i misread the question.. it is appropriate to put your hand on your wife's knee anywhere , anytime you want. your married


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

why? if i may ask?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

If she has long legs, especially, thighs, then no.

Plus, keep your fingers tight together, not spread out.
The little finger is always suspect.

The knee is the upper limit to touch in public.
A married man doing this at a company party is telling others that this lady is mine.
All good.

If the wife asks that this knee-touching not be done, then do not do it.
It is her knee, after all.

An arm around her shoulders, now and then, should then be employed.


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

He'll no, it's not in appropriate. I wouldn't grab her butt or boobs in public, but physical touching is a part of marital intimacy.


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

BootsAndJeans said:


> He'll no, it's not in appropriate. I wouldn't grab her butt or boobs in public, but physical touching is a part of marital intimacy.


right on!!!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A wife's hand on her husbands knee at a company party would not be questioned.
Why, would it?

Hmm?


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## mdr1960 (1 mo ago)

TheGodfather said:


> why? if i may ask?


wife removed my ha d from her knee saying it was inappropriate at her companies party


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

ok now do you feel she did that because there was someone there that she likes and didn't want him to see you do that?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Were you massaging her knee? Drifting upward? Do you get along? Seems like a strange reaction.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Woman here. I am going to say it depends.

What type of party and what position does your wife hold.

Many professional women already have trouble getting and keeping respect and position within a company.
Those kind of normal interactions often times reinforces the little woman stereotypes that keep some men from taking them seriously.

So.... Company party for a professional in a semiformal setting like dinner with fancy napkins... It is understandable that she may not want that. It isn't so much inappropriate as not in her best interest.

Waitress at a bring your own bottle type thing. No explanation as to why she would care other than possibly not wanting someone else to see. 

Of course a 3rd explanation that hasn't been explored. She is pulling away from you in all aspects of life not just this party. How's the rest of the marriage.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

mdr1960 said:


> wife removed my ha d from her knee saying it was inappropriate at her companies party


Haaa that's ********. 

How's the rest of your marriage?


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## mdr1960 (1 mo ago)

very good


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Maybe no one else was doing this and she felt uncomfortable?


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Seems innocuous but she might not like public displays of affection. What is appropriate for the situation might also depend on your and her upbringing and culture.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I like to grab my wife's buns when kissing in front of others. Kisses and bun grabs are freely given.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’m not a fan of public displays of affection (different generation) and I would have done what she did. If that’s your only complaint you’re fortunate.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

mdr1960 said:


> Is it inappropriate to place your hand on your wife's knee at her company holiday party?





mdr1960 said:


> wife removed my ha d from her knee saying it was inappropriate at her companies party


So far you have great advice. It was a public display of affection and any number of factors could have been on your wife's mind when she removed your hand.

This provides you with a great opportunity to communicate with your wife. Did you tell her that you are proud of her and you want the world to know how much you love her, which is why you placed your hand on her knee?

Have you asked her why she didn't want you putting your hand on her knee? Have you asked her if you can hold hands or place a hand on her shoulder or around her waist or small of back? 

Again, she could have lots of valid reasons for not wanting people to see her as a woman who enjoys the physical side of being with a man at a work function. Still she can also probably understand that you want everyone to know how much you love this woman you married.

Good luck. Turn the lemon into lemonade.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

In your shoes (I´m not but anyhow) and since that very moment I would accomplish with two symmetrical boundaries:

- To never more place my hand on her knee in said place and time as much as any other public display of affection. 
Her right.

- To never more place my hand on her knee in any other place and time as much as any other public or private display of affection. 
My right.

If this leads to divorce, so it be.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

mdr1960 said:


> Is it inappropriate to place your hand on your wife's knee at her company holiday party?


What’s the context here? Some women aren’t touchy feely, especially in public. Some like that kind of affection for all to see. Are we talking under the table during a meal? 

More details please?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Maybe she wanted to keep up the charade with her work husband that y'all are not on good terms and that is why she may be seeking his company. 

My wife acted that way, all our interactions in presence of others would be sterile as she wanted it, can't have any inappropriate actions you know!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I'd say it is inappropriate for her to remove your hand from her knee. It would make me think she had something else going on at work with someone else.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You must wonder or you wouldn’t ask. Do you suspect something?


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## BootsAndJeans (4 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> You must wonder or you wouldn’t ask. Do you suspect something?


^^^This^^^ interesting if he gives an answer.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Openminded said:


> I’m not a fan of public displays of affection (different generation) and I would have done what she did. If that’s your only complaint you’re fortunate.


Hmm. I'm 77 and would consider this behavior just fine. It would make me feel good to see the love.


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

mdr1960 said:


> wife removed my ha d from her knee saying it was inappropriate at her companies party


Some women are comfortable with displays of affection in Public from their spouse, but some would not be for both personal (conservative?) and professional reasons (work ethic?).

Your wife might not be comfortable with it for professional reasons, but you know your wife better.

Did she allow any colleague to touch her in a way that bugs you?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Julie's Husband said:


> Hmm. I'm 77 and would consider this behavior just fine. It would make me feel good to see the love.


That’s you. It’s not me and apparently it’s not her either. A friends’s party is one thing — a company party is another.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Openminded said:


> That’s you. It’s not me and apparently it’s not her either. A friends’s party is one thing — a company party is another.


Yes, it is an individual thing, same as some of my inhibitions and hang ups.

I was in the corporate world for almost 30 year, sales support for almost 20, so I'm aware this didn't seem to be an issue at least within our corporate environment.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

I'd remove my SO's hand from my knee if I was wearing nylons because he's very likely to snag them and then I have to walk around all evening with a run in the nylons. No bueno.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Julie's Husband said:


> Yes, it is an individual thing, same as some of my inhibitions and hang ups.
> 
> I was in the corporate world for almost 30 year, sales support for almost 20, so I'm aware this didn't seem to be an issue at least within our corporate environment.


No disrespect. But you are a man. You'll never understand how these things work.
I was a registered engineer and hosted a meeting to discuss a 20 million dollar project. When the secretary dropped off said customer he looked around the room and asked me to get him coffee while we waited for the project manager to show up.

That would have never happened with a man.

Point being it sounds like she is a professional woman. Even in today's world it can be hard to draw the line that you are a professional. There is no reason why her boundaries and wishes shouldn't or cant be respected at her office unless OP thinks something else is up.

You may not think anything of it and you might enjoy attention from your wife at company parties but men are expected to have fawning wives who cook, clean, iron and fawn over their husbands who provide. So for you there is nothing to it.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Corgi Mum said:


> I'd remove my SO's hand from my knee if I was wearing nylons because he's very likely to snag them and then I have to walk around all evening with a run in the nylons. No bueno.


But you wouldn’t say it was inappropriate…


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Companies come and go.
So do those wives, referencing those pretty knees, yes, as they get older and frailer.

Massage them, now and then, here and now,
Later in life, it will certainly elicit, only that howl!


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

As long as she consents and is comfortable with it...


Just don't grope her all the time in public have breaks.


You aren't entitled to her body though.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Anastasia6 said:


> No disrespect. But you are a man. You'll never understand how these things work.
> I was a registered engineer and hosted a meeting to discuss a 20 million dollar project. When the secretary dropped off said customer he looked around the room and asked me to get him coffee while we waited for the project manager to show up.
> 
> That would have never happened with a man.
> ...


Sexist comes to mind, but I won't go there. You are really walking over a ledge by assuming that my wife or I fit these stereotypes.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Well your here so I'll ask . How were her interactions with her Co workers ? Reserved ? When she removed your hand. Was anyone watching ? Did you get a gut feeling something was up ? 

Were you drinking at the party 🥳 ? 
Was anyone other than you , touchy Feely with your wife .?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Julie's Husband said:


> Sexist comes to mind, but I won't go there. You are really walking over a ledge by assuming that my wife or I fit these stereotypes.


ACtually I'm not assuming you and your wife fit those stereotypes. My point it that you and others seem to be casting dispersions on the OPs wife. You don't see anything wrong with it. You'd be happy to have your wife touch your knee.

My point is this ISN"T you. It's about the OP's wife. and it is sexist. It's the real world. SHE has to deal with it.

This is not specifically to you.

OP says his marriage other wise is fine. So then WHY is it bending so many noses out of shape for her to chose how she is portrayed at a work function?


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

It's borderline. There's an appropriate time & place for everything but a work function is not the best place for sexual PDA. 

If she did not like it respect her boundary. It's her body.


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## KayJC (5 mo ago)

mdr1960 said:


> Is it inappropriate to place your hand on your wife's knee at her company holiday party?


If my husband had done that at a company party (and I attended dozens and dozens over the years), 1st under what circumstances would he do that? Was it like a rebuke and I know he had far too much respect for me to call me out in public (something neither one of us tried very hard NOT to do).
Or did it accompany an affectionate remark from him? If so, then I'd be delighted. And probably would pat his hand while on my knee.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

mdr1960 said:


> wife removed my ha d from her knee saying it was inappropriate at her companies party


I am sorry my crystal ball is not working today ,
she could be right or she might not in to public displays of affection , or she might have a man or woman she is interested in 
with out knowing everything we here can do more damage to your relationship than you wish for , best person to ask would be her 
there are a lot of things to think about like where on her knee , why you feel the need to was it on her knee for what might feel too long


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Divinely Favored said:


> I'd say it is inappropriate for her to remove your hand from her knee. It would make me think she had something else going on at work with someone else.


I agree.

If it's under the table stuff yeah OK fair enough, but if it's PDA and she rejects it in front of all her male colleagues, yeah I would say that's a cause for concern. That's a bad signal.

Such boundaries and expectations with PDA should have been established before hand however. If they have been, and she rejects her husband regardless just bc of her work husband lol, then yeah, cause for concern.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

I vote PDA at company functions is a no. Period. No exceptions.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

There is so much context missing here that it makes it hard to give a relevant opinion.

Would you say this holiday party was formal or informal?
Was there any kind of entertainment, like dancing?
Did you see anyone else engaging in PDAs?
What is your wife's position, worker, manager, executive?
Were you sitting at a table or were you out in the open where others could see?
Do you and/or your wife ever socialize with her coworkers?
Do you have any reason to believe this was about anything other than your wife feeling it wasn't appropriate?
Did you place your hand on her knee and it was motionless or were you rubbing her leg?
Has she ever had a problem with your hand on her knee in other social settings, is this normal/abnormal behavior for her?


The few dozen words you posted aren't really enough to fully assess the situation. My wife and I are pretty hands on in most situations, so this would be odd for her. Both her and I have been to each other's holiday parties and it was not uncommon to see PDA, but that was the tone of the parties. They were rather informal and either family oriented or their was dancing going on. In that case it would be quite odd to take your hand off her knee after you had just been touching each other on the dance floor. More info is needed to make a call IMO.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Anastasia6 said:


> ACtually I'm not assuming you and your wife fit those stereotypes. My point it that you and others seem to be casting dispersions on the OPs wife. You don't see anything wrong with it. You'd be happy to have your wife touch your knee.
> 
> My point is this ISN"T you. It's about the OP's wife. and it is sexist. It's the real world. SHE has to deal with it.
> 
> ...


Like I posted above, "Yes, it is an individual thing, same as some of my inhibitions and hang ups." 

For my part, I was in a sales organization for almost 20 years, attending customer sales meetings and corporate parties. Sales folk tend to like to get close and to touch others. I don't like that.

My wife and I attended only one party where spouses were invited, an awards dinner where there were numerous displays of affection. Between spouses that is.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think it depends on the atmosphere you work in, and the boss usually sets the tone. I can tell you that in all the years I worked for a married couple who owned a big record chain, I never once saw them doing public displays of affection. They both needed to be seen as the boss, not the affectionate or sexy person. And I agree with other women who said it's especially crucial for women, who struggle to keep employees from diminishing their authority. As another person said, if you work in a bar or restaurant and everyone is informal and friendly, that's one thing. If it's a more businessy business, you want to mind your manners. Even company parties are still business and they can make you or break you too. 

Now, when just out socially, I am fine with PDAs.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

manwithnoname said:


> But you wouldn’t say it was inappropriate…


It might be, depending on how formal the party is. Hard to put myself in those shoes exactly since we haven't had an after-hours spouse-invited Christmas party for probably 20 years. Our few work functions are afternoon events with a light lunch, obviously no booze, and staff only. And no knee-groping.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

mdr1960 said:


> wife removed my ha d from her knee saying it was inappropriate at her companies party


Did you ask her later why she did it? That would be a pretty good way to get an answer to your question. 
Did she seem to have an inordinate amount of attention from or to a male colleague?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Anastasia6 said:


> I was a registered engineer and hosted a meeting to discuss a 20 million dollar project. When the secretary dropped off said customer he looked around the room and asked me to get him coffee while we waited for the project manager to show up.


 I am extremely curious about how you responded to him. 
I expect it would have been much harsher if 20 million dollars wasn't on the line.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Corgi Mum said:


> It might be, depending on how formal the party is. Hard to put myself in those shoes exactly since we haven't had an after-hours spouse-invited Christmas party for probably 20 years. Our few work functions are afternoon events with a light lunch, obviously no booze, and staff only. And no knee-groping.


If you remove his hand so he doesn’t tear the nylons, then you’re not removing his hand because you feel it was inappropriate.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

manwithnoname said:


> If you remove his hand so he doesn’t tear the nylons, then you’re not removing his hand because you feel it was inappropriate.


It can't simultaneously be a wardrobe risk AND inappropriate?

I do remember a staff recognition event where a couple were seated together because they both worked there and some PDA occurred. People were rolling their eyes and making grimaces of distaste so I'm going to go with "viewed as inappropriate at my work functions" based on the general reaction.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I am going with WTF.

There might be someone at work she didn’t want to make jealous.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

I think I would use is whatever you think is ok to do in front of your parents or whatever you are confortable with your parents doing in front of you.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

ABHale said:


> I am going with WTF.
> 
> There might be someone at work she didn’t want to make jealous.


I agree...look at comment #36
Makes you wonder... I think It struck a nerve with the OP...Hasn't returned 🤔


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Jimi007 said:


> I agree...look at comment #36
> Makes you wonder... I think It struck a nerve with the OP...Hasn't returned 🤔


I personally didn't catch that signal.
Whoever caught that could be right.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Could it be that your wife is trying to maintain a position of seniority or authority amongst other workers there and wants to be seen in a senior light - that would explain no PDA's or getting frisky in any way. This would throw a new light on the question "was anybody watching her?" and I would totally understand her reaction (and it sounds like handled it a subtle manner, to her credit). If this is the case, then she could have briefed you before going to the party along the lines of I am trying to maintain a position of seniority or authority and therefore please don't get drunk & put the lampshade on your head, and no PDA's there.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Jimi007 said:


> I agree...look at comment #36
> Makes you wonder... I think It struck a nerve with the OP...Hasn't returned 🤔


Reminds me a little bit about No Longer Lonely Husband. That is the first thing I thought of.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Corgi Mum said:


> It can't simultaneously be a wardrobe risk AND inappropriate?
> 
> I do remember a staff recognition event where a couple were seated together because they both worked there and some PDA occurred. People were rolling their eyes and making grimaces of distaste so I'm going to go with "viewed as inappropriate at my work functions" based on the general reaction.


It can be, but in your first reply it was only wardrobe risk, when the OP specifically asked if it was inappropriate.


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## Broken-hearted35 (1 mo ago)

Why don’t you just ask your wife why? There are several suggestions above that could have driven her response. It’s better to ask than guess.


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