# Devastation



## tug (Sep 1, 2013)

Sorry about creating another thread but Im alone and hurt. Im still having a hard time understanding how someone could blatantly lie about spending time with another person on an emotional level when asked? Its not like I accidently found out she was having an affair, asked her about and she stopped. She looked me in the eye no less than a dozen times in the past year alone and said she was being completely honest with me. I begged her to tell me the truth and she continued to lie to me for three long years 

If she would have been honest with me I could live with the fact that she slept with her ex or some other man. I couldnt allow myself to be with her but at least she was honest and told me. But to keep lying day after day and telling me she loved me more than she has anyone else is just mean. This is without a doubt the cruelest thing anyone has ever done to me


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

My husband when he was 44 had a year long affair with a 18 year old. He lied to me constantly. Said he was going to work. Would jump on me the minute he entered the door, guess he was afraid I would want sex.

We are still together, I don't trust him and I still don't want sex, his insults worked well and are still working. It doesn't even feel good he has cut me down so much and cheated.

Cheaters aren't worth having I don't care how much you love them. You can do better than her. Don't be like me find someone that really cares about you.

People that cheat often cheat again.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Tug ....first welcome to the forum and its ok if you created a new thread. It helps to try to stick to one thread if you can...but that's ok we all have our bad days. You know its hard but your mind is going to keep trying to rationalize how she could do what she did....the thing is there is no rationalization or justification. It just is what it is. Time is going to take time for you to work through what she has done and how that betrayal has effected you, there is no quick fix or remedy unfotunately. Keep posting there will be lots of faithful TAMers soon who will have some good advise for you and will help you over the months to come.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

tug said:


> *If she would have been honest with me *I could live with the fact that she slept with her ex or some other man. *I couldnt allow myself to be with her* but at least she was honest and told me.


*If she would have been honest with me...I couldn't allow myself to be with her*

NOW you know why she wasn't honest with you. She knew if she _was_, that _you'd *leave* her_. She wasn't ready for you to leave. She didn't want to take that chance. 

Cheaters have very selfish mindsets, Tug. I know that I gave my ex a number of chances over the years to 'come clean'. He didn't until he was ready. I ended up being his 'fall-back girl'; the one who he stays with until someone he considers 'better' comes along. This was all because he didn't want to be alone in the meantime. He didn't want to be alone and NOT have sex. He believed that he "deserved" to have sex, even if he had to lie to get it. 

He knew damn well that if he told me that waaaaay back when I actually HAD the money to leave, _I WOULD HAVE LEFT_. No sane woman would have stayed in a situation where she KNEW the man didn't love her and never saw a future with her. I was a sane woman. He KNEW that. 

My heart goes out to you, Tug. We're all here on the same boat. 

Just on different decks.

Vega


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## tug (Sep 1, 2013)

Some things have happened over the past 24 hours, I became extremly upset because Im being treated like the bad guy by her and her family. I ended up sending her ex a text and told him he can have her Im done. I still have the capablities to get on her iphone without actually touching it and reading her parts of her texts that she's deleted (yes Im that good). This is the partial text she deleted that was sent to her daughter. She's basically telling her daughter to tell her ex the reason why I sent the text I did was because my g/f and her ex spent so much time together that they had sex and she (my g/f) doesnt want her ex to think badly of her. 

_plz tell mr k that was the reason for text last night was because he and i were speaking texting so much TUG's SURE we slept together i dont him to think Im f*%cking around_

She's concerned that her ex will think she's F'ing around. Why its so important for her to assure him that she's not F'ing around is beyond me. The only reason why I can think of is because she doesn't want her ex to get the wrong impression of her. 

My g/f went on to tell her daughter about our relationship.
_I am working very hard to end f*#ked up situation_

Its obvious she still loves her ex so much so she doesnt want him to think she's sleeping with anyone else? Im I correct in my assumption?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Tug,

You are correct in your assumption. She wants to fvck someone else and is keeping you around as comfort food. I am sorry you are here brother. If you actually want to be treated like this then by all means don't do anything.

I suggest you do the 180. It is time you prepare to move on with your life without her. The woman she might have been is gone.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey tug----I understand she has been with you for near to 5 yrs-----but enuff is enuff----she is a GF---not a wife, not a fiancée---cuz if the 2 of you were that serious she would have become a wife----so once again enuff is enuff

Stop with all the drama---you know she is always gonna gravitate toward her X---she had all that time with him, and all those memories, and she doesn't wanna get rid of them----

Leave her be, and move along----if you need/want/have to have a partner for your senior yrs---then stop wasting any more time, on a woman that IS NOT WORTH SPENDING ONE MORE MINUTE WITH---and move on with your life


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

Cheaters can look you in the eye and tell you they love you, they are not seeing them anymore and they are telling you the truth. They are not or at least in my case, my husband is not. He lies all the time but yet still makes plans for our future. Not happening, he threw away any future he had with me.

Don't believe her, take care of you and try to move on with your life. It will be hard at first but it gets better or so I am told. I have not reached the better part yet.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

pollywog said:


> _*Cheaters can look you in the eye and tell you they love you, they are not seeing them anymore and they are telling you the truth.*_ They are not or at least in my case, my husband is not. He lies all the time but yet still makes plans for our future. Not happening, he threw away any future he had with me.
> 
> Don't believe her, take care of you and try to move on with your life. It will be hard at first but it gets better or so I am told. I have not reached the better part yet.


Hell, one of the tell tale confirmations of an affair around here is the suspected spouse swearing on their children's _lives_ that there is no affair.

That's one thing that's always constant;_ waywards lie!_

In fact, don't even believe them if they tell you they're lying. Guess what? That's probably a lie too.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Leave her she is not worth. i cannot believe a woman who txt her daughter about having sex with ex when she is having a boyfriend!! Uhhh, if she was my mother i would be disgusted. I cannot imagine myself to tell my daughter about my cheating, what kind of moral and good example can she give to her children. dump her, i am proud you are able to read her deleted txt. Yeah, She is a cheater and she is f%@g around!! tell her that. stay strong. She is using you!


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## krepspzns (Sep 9, 2013)

It is time you prepare to move on with your life without her. The woman she might have been is gone.


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## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

Tug I know how you feel and I am sorry you are in this situation.The betrayal is unbearable but it will get easier through time.

But your GF still cares a lot for her ex and it seems like she is not willing to give him up for you. Not good Tug. My impression is that she left him because she had no choice, not because she wanted to. Big difference there.

The socks you found is a MASSIVE red flag! In all my years of doing laundry, I have never had some strangers socks in my laundry UNLESS there was indeed a stranger in my house. If there was a pair of unknown socks in my house then I always knew who it belonged to...a friend who stayed over, or one of my son's friends who stayed over. But your GF didn't know??


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