# Please Help me!!



## Johnnyc (Dec 16, 2009)

Hi all,

This is my first time posting on a forum like this but after months of pain and family/friends biased advise i really need some clarity here so if anyone has had a similar situation any advise will be much appreciated.

I will try to just hit the points here and can always give more information later on so here goes...

I have been married for 5 years and have 3 beautifull daughters 1 was born before we got married, my wife stayed home with the children and i worked full time, money was tight as i was still working my way up the salary scale but it was managable once the budget was kept to, anyway after the birth of our 3rd daughter which my wife breast fed things were hard as i was very busy in work and a wife at home with 2 kids and a new baby so needless to say when i was not in work i was at home with them.

The breastfeeding came to an end around janurary of 2008 and things did get easier i was earning more money and my wife and the kids were doing great. During the summer things started to change rapidly as we all know with the credit crunch and we in ireland were hit with the property buble bursting too, the company i worked for started to let people go around August anwway to cut a long story short i was laid of at the end on janurary 2009, i didnt tell my wife straight away because i knew it would or i thought it would be very hard for her to take so i told her over a couple of days to try and make it easier on her, anyway i worked out my notice and had some money saved and was looking for work when i came home from the shops one sunday night literally 4 weeks after loosing my career to find my wifes friends car outside not thinking to much of it then my wifes friends came out and told me that my wife was inside saying she had been having an affair with her friends parner for the last 10 months! i honestly thought i was being played with but when i went inside there was my wife calmy sitting there with the other couple saying how she had been sleeping with this guy for months, he was there to and completly denied any of it ever happned! things got a bit out of control and for the safety of my daughters who were all this time asleep upstairs i had ot get them all out of the house, anyway as a couple of weeks passed it became clear that she was telling the truth about this affair, i was really in a state of shock once it was proven to me, my wife has an ability to lie about anything so i really needed proof, what has happened over the last few months has been like a living nightmare, my wife tried to blame the affair on me! saying i was working to much and should have been there more, for the record ANYTIME i was not in work i was there, she would go on and on about how it was all my fault and i should take it as a wake up call! i just could not stand listening to it so i moved out to try and get some understanding on everything, this is when things got really nasty and she used the kids against me at every turn it also came to light that she had this guy down in our own house when our kids had been there and my eldest daughter had witnessed the two of them kissing my wife also took it upon herself to detail things about the afair to me ti was really quite crasy what went on lookign back on it now, I tried my best to limit the impact on them but she started to tell them daddy does nto love them and daddy is never coming back, i have had the kids every weekend since this happened and see them as much as i can during the week, i set up marriage councilling which she went to twice but refused to go again after she didnt like what the councillar had to say, She has been all over the place and recently started to tell me she would kill herself if i didnt move back, I am struggling now coming up to christmas and i have been back there the last few days which has been great for the kids but she keeps making little comments like trying to get a rise out of me and only said again last night that it was my fault and i should be punished for leaving her! i dont think i can live like this without going mad but i love my kids so much i miss them when im not there and when i do get them it just feels like damage limatation from the crap she has been telling them.

I am only there for the kids at this point i find impossible to think i could live a separated life and bring up my girls so am i doomed to a life with this so called loyat trusting wife of mine? she goes on and on that i am showng her love and affection but how the hell can i aftet all she has done it literally pains me to be nive her nevermind love her forever

If anyone has any thoughts tha tcould help i realyl would appreciate it i dont mind answerign any questions you may have either.
J.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear about this. Her blaming the fact she couldn't keep her panties on is absurd. Affairs are all about being selfish and only thinking of yourself, and that is just what she did. Honestly, I would tell her that if she is going to be emotionally abusive to your children then she needs to move out and leave the house and kids with you. There is no reason to drag kids into this situation, especially to be telling them that one of their parents doesn't love them. That is ridiculous. Best of luck to you man


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