# What is the deal with Blow Jobs?



## mrsbroken (Sep 23, 2009)

What is the deal with men wanting blow jobs all the time? Please help me understand... Don't get me wrong when me and my hubby started dating I loved giving him BJ but the longer we are together more he seems to want just the BJ not sex. Why would a men want just a BJ when he could have it all.. My hubby always says he will return the favor later when I give him a BJ or wants to get me off with a toy that day. I don't like to get off all the time with a toy I perfer him. When I was getting all my needs meet I didn't mind giving BJ every now and then but I feel use now when that is just what he wants. Any ideas what I can do or help me understand?


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## Saya (Mar 25, 2010)

I think they get lazy! But it is also the visual thing. And it lets them get pleasure without having to do much.

My hubs(fiance at the time) started to head down this path after we moved in together. We talked and I explained that even though I really love giving BJs he would get more and better ones if he took care of my needs.

Sure, he still gets a little greedy sometimes. But so can I. We just try to learn how to read each other and speak up about it.

Doesn't always work but for the most part it does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kendall2 (Apr 14, 2010)

Well, a bj is a big deal to a guy but when it starts takeing the place of intercourse, then speaking as a guy thats being selfish. I love them but rarely does our sex interaction end with a bj. If I orgasm then we wait until im ready to go again and then its all about her. Mostly my wife does it because its to her benefit! You know what I mean?


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

BJ's are just freakin hot...they feel alot different than normal sex, but I'm surprised that he doesn't want to return the favor...he should feel lucky to have a woman that wants him to return the favor...


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

I don't understand that either. I like BJ's here and there as well but I never prefer them to sex. I'd always rather 'have it all' as you put it.


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## hard2saybye (Apr 28, 2010)

Whats a blowjob? I think I have forgotten after 6 years of marriage.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Hmm..sounds like he's not much into being intimate with you. He wants to get off and end it. He could be tired (physically) or it could be that he's not feeling much for you. 

I love giving a BJ to my husband as part of foreplay but if it was the ONLY thing habitually I'd be worried. I'd talk to him about this and see if there's a deeper problem here.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

He is being selfish.

And probably a domineering. Oral is one of those things you associate with really trying to please the partner. If you are only desiring to be pleased you being totally selfish and in a sense placing yourself on a pedestal to be worshiped by the other. OK, that may be going a bit too far, but I think you get the idea.

Self absorbed - selfish


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## yagifornia (Apr 28, 2010)

From my understanding a there is no way of explaing the feeling of a BJ! But if "BJ" is all that is happing then I am going to have to lean towards him being way selfish! Maybe try teasing a little by making him want you. You know you can totally controll the BJ. Say no hands make him want to touch you, play dress up! Get a little kinky while performing this BJ, hey you may be surprised by his reaction and end up both of you satisfied!


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## HopeinHouston (Mar 1, 2010)

Why do we want BJs? Because they are wonderful. However if he is expecting it without in return pleasuring you, and if it is not a part of reciprocal, loving play then I would say that there are underlying issues that need to be addressed. Once in a (long) while of do me and "I'll get you later" might be one thing, but if he is regularly expecting to be pleasured without in return pleasuring you in a give and take relationship then there is a problem. Love is about giving and not receiving, and love making should be no different.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

He's being selfish.

Next time (and each after until your point has gotten across) start him off, make sure he's nicely worked up, then stop well BEFORE he orgasms and say "I'll get you later" and walk away LOL.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:lol: :lol: :rofl: Oh man, I just LOVE that one! :smthumbup:


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

mrsbroken said:


> What is the deal with men wanting blow jobs all the time? Please help me understand... Don't get me wrong when me and my hubby started dating I loved giving him BJ but the longer we are together more he seems to want just the BJ not sex. Why would a men want just a BJ when he could have it all.. My hubby always says he will return the favor later when I give him a BJ or wants to get me off with a toy that day. I don't like to get off all the time with a toy I perfer him. When I was getting all my needs meet I didn't mind giving BJ every now and then but I feel use now when that is just what he wants. Any ideas what I can do or help me understand?


Ask and you shall receive:

Why Men Love Blow-jobs | The Feminine Woman


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

married&lovingit said:


> March 14th is Monday
> 
> Post will be deleted the 15th


I like the way you think


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## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

It is selfish, and I am guilty of it.

Nothing is better than a BJ for me, nothing on this planet that I know of. 

She has a lower sex sex drive and is incapable of orgasm. I tried so hard to be patient in helping her with this. I got a book and would make suggestions. She is very conservative and self conscious, so she did not want to focus on it. Over time, the sex became one sided. She would just satisfy me, and I would not reciprocate.

She eventually had an affair. 
I think the affair was partly a byproduct of this dynamic.


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

love the links above

mrsbroken...Hard to say if he's gotten a little lazy and is taking you for granted. Sounds a bit selfish at the least. 

Can you change things up a bit? Tell him you desire all of him. I think positive reinforcement is the way to go with bedroom matters.

Ask him to meet your needs first next time, and just tell him you don't want it to be a toy this time. Tell him how much he turns you on when he *fill in the blank*. You know the best way to stroke his ego. Make a big deal about anything he's doing right for you.

You can get over this tiny hurdle...good luck and tell us how it's going....details details *winks*...just teasing


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

So the women who think that sex consists of buying them expensive pocketbooks have a hard time believing that good old felatio is something guys crave? Go figure.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I'm a guy who was married for 18 years and can honestly say it was never a major fantasy of mine. She did it a few times, and was good, but it wasn't something I craved. I preferred a hand-job from my wife. I know, I'm weird.


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

No doubt if he just wants blowjobs its because you aren't physically attractive. When my wife was over her ideal weight, she was less alluring and I favoured bjs. She's since lost some weight and I am more excited about types of sex.

You have to both want to look good for each other and all the other things will follow. Nothing like a pair or perky breasts, narrow waist, slender arms and thin legs.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sure, they feel great, but I think they appeal to guys largely because that's an act that women do "to" them. It's very clear that she's doing something completely unselfish for no other reason than to please her man.


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## Jeep73170 (Dec 26, 2010)

When a man receives a BJ, he does not have to worry about whether he successfully pleasures his women. Believe it or not, some men do worry about that. Personally, I would rather have it all as previously said.


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## Timy (Mar 12, 2011)

Well my input on this subject would be:
1. It feels really good.
2. It shows that you accept and enjoy his body...
3. As stated before, laid back and relax, just enjoy. 
Note that I don't find it fair that he only wants that. I would tell him, if you want a blj, you **** me the way I want first, then I'll give you what you want. Remember, it takes two, in a aspect of a relationship.


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## grapegirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Ok guys, tell me why exactly is a bj better than a hj??? I always thought guys liked them both the same?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Why in the world are you indulging his addiction!! The intense pleasure, partner doing all the work, no need to satifying partner may be addictive for some men. Stop now, you are doing this because you have no self esteem and it further decreasing your sense of value - you allow youself to be used like a mouth object by the man who is supposed to love you. How do you tolerate that. Come on you know what is happening is not right a husband should not treat his wife like a service worker. 

You have to develop a sense of respect for yourself and know that you are worth more than being a mouth for his use. Refussal to be used is the first step in regaining your self esteam that has been erroded away. Talk with him, let him know that his addiction at your expense stops now. . He has to to have coupled sex with you and concentrate on mutual pleasure that is what loving sex is all about stop the bj. . If he refuses then no sex. 

If he threatens to cheat no marriage, child support, alimony, visitation every other weekend and bj from prostitutes. No self repecting woman will have a relationship with a man who can not satisfy her sexually, heshould know how lucky he is any other woman would stopped having sex with him. Let know you are giving a chance to avoid that fate and the fate of having to pay for it for the rest of his days because he won't find another women to give him something for nothing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Sure, they feel great, but I think they appeal to guys largely because that's an act that women do "to" them. It's very clear that she's doing something completely unselfish for no other reason than to please her man.


I have a question because I read so frequently about a woman needing to be unselfish. How many times have you given you partner oral sex and have not had an orgasm your self? Would you be willing to do that from now on, for every bj she gives you , show her how unselfish you are. Afterall, she should not be required to demonstrate unselfishness to you if you can not do the same for her don't you think. then you will know what it feels like to be required to be unselfish just because you have a wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Why in the world are you indulging his addiction!! The intense pleasure, partner doing all the work, no need to satifying partner may be addictive for some men.


You could always slowly torture him with orgasm denial. Mix it up with some light bondage.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

grapegirl said:


> Ok guys, tell me why exactly is a bj better than a hj??? I always thought guys liked them both the same?


I'm not a guy, but from what I have read they can do a hj themselves...not a bj. Plus, I know that hand and oral feel different for me so it makes sense they feel different for him.


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## grapegirl (Mar 13, 2011)

That does make sense that they feel different. I've just never thought that deeply about it. I was thinking that as long as you are touching it in some way, they are happy! I like doing both, just curious.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

I was on the receiving end of oral sex many years ago..before marriage etc. My wife has never gone down on me or even simply kissed my 'manhood'. 
I go down on her very occasionally (sex itself is very occasionally anyway). She loves it and comes. But she simply refuses to return the favour - without reason.

Oral sex is so intimate... It really brings you together. Not sure if I can explain this right but vaginal sex carries the possibility of getting pregnant...no birth control method is 100% reliable (other than the chop etc!)....so when a man is getting a BJ is it pure and simple pleasure. His wife/partner is doing something for HIM....although she will, hopefully, get lots pleasure herself simply by giving him pleasure.

Watching someone you love giving you a BJ is such a turn on (from what I can remember!!)...and when you look each other in the eyes...WOW!

I so wish my wife would do this ultimate thing for me...she won't, ever. She's told me as much.
Do I feel rejected and 'short-changed'?....you bet I do.


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## less_disgruntled (Oct 16, 2010)

It might not be selfish--it helps get blood where it needs to go to move on to the main course, or helps bring limp things back to life.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

The appeal to me, in comparison to hand jobs.

It's more intimate. Pleasuring someone with your mouth vs hand is a step up, both for men and women (I'd think).

It feels different/good. It's typically warmer and wetter. Although a hand job with lube is a very nice thing too.

Visually, it's very arousing. Especially when she looks you in the eye at the same time. Creative use of a mirror or two can make it even more so for both partners, I think.

For either one, in comparison to "regular" sex, it's her doing something for specifically for me, focusing on MY pleasure. I think it's easier for the woman to control the activity, allowing her to tease and control the man's orgasm, which can add appreciably to the experience. Plus (as my lover brought up last night) it allows the woman to explore prostate massages at the same time, which is a whole other kettle of fish. 

Having said that, I'd say that in every one of my relationships, I'm much more giving when it comes to oral than receiving. Even if it starts off as focusing on me, I think I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times (in the last 20+ years of being sexually active) I got mine and my partner didn't get hers. And I have no issues with that!  I don't want one "all the time" and to be honest, I often don't orgasm from them. But they're a great warm up for the main event. 

C


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## boogersnots (Mar 26, 2012)

I don't understand why women have such a hard time with BJs. I happen to love giving them, it makes me VERY excited. My husband and I just got married a month ago, but we were living together for 3 years prior to that and I see no reason to stop or slow down on the BJs. I know my husband loves and desires me, he loves watching me give him a BJ (he even taped me doing it for when I'm not around). He always reciprocates when I want him to. Even if I'm not in the mood and he comes to me requesting a BJ, I give it to him and that usually puts me right in the mood. I love him and he loves me, no games here. What's the big deal, ladies?


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

First of all, I rarely get blow jobs and have never gotten one to completion. My wife has TMJ and it hurts her. She also can't stand the consistancy of cum. Actually I like her hand jobs better but I would rather make love with her than any of it. So I am afraid I can't help you much. BTW I give her as much oral as she wants.


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