# Telling the OM or OW's spouse



## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

So I just had an interesting idea. Some people on this forum are iffy about telling the spouse of the OW or OM. This is probably because you know your spouse will be upset with you. 

Perhaps people on this forum could tell the respected spouses for each other...lol Kind of an anonomous deal from someone they don't know across the country, that simply states.....your husband or wife is cheating on you.

At this time I have chosen not to tell the OM's wife in my situation. But, you never know. May decide to later.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

IMO, anonymous people from the internet shouldn't be the ones to tell.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think it show strenth, confidence, and courage in exposing to the OM/OW spouse. I also think the matter of pissing them off is BS, they already are cheating. There pissed b/c your trying to make it as inconvienent for the affair to continue, and with help from the other side.... has to be a plus.

Even if your spouse wants to bail on the LS, the other side may not feel the same and break off the affair to work it out with there spouse.

Who cares how pissed they get we need as much leverage in fighting this crap... you need to expose! 
I would think it would be better to have them mad and leave then tolorating the affiar to continue. At the very least not doing everything possible to stop all contact.


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## Squiffy (Oct 26, 2010)

What about you contacting the OW/OM (yourself or via your spouse) and telling them to confess to their own husband/wife, or else you will spill the beans? 

Of course you would need to have contact with the other betrayed spouse afterwards, so you know the deed has been done!

Luckily this wasn't an issue for me in that my husband's OW wasn't in a current relationship. However in terms of exposure, instead of me telling other people about his affair, I 'persuaded' my husband to confess to our kids/his brother/his mother that he had an affair (either you do or I will!), with me listening in to make sure it wasn't a sanitised version. That worked pretty well.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

My husband's "just a friend" is not married. I emailed her once a few weeks ago and was very nice to her. I explained to her that I was not comfortable with her relationship with my husband. She wrote me back and she was also nice about it in her words. She said she was sorry, that she didnt want to be a problem and that my husband was also causing strife between her and her boyfriend. (so, why be with my husband then???) But I guess it all meant nothing because she is still with my husband. I have no idea if she and her boyfriend are together or not. I've thought about emailing her again but I've decided against it. I'm too emotional to be nice this time.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Hmm you all bring up a good point. I had thought about telling for a long time, but I think it was just for revenge. I did not need to do that to make things stop in my situation. It had stopped just prior to me finding out. I proved that for myself.


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

The OM's wife was the one who told me. I didn't want to believe it. My wife denied it. I called OM. He confirmed it. W couldn't deny then, and came clean.
OM's wife kept apologizing to me next time we talked. I kept thanking her. It's amazing how many people don't want to rock the boat by pointing out the truth. She really did me a favor.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> She said she was sorry, that she didnt want to be a problem and that my husband was also causing strife between her and her boyfriend. (so, why be with my husband then???)


She needs to get smacked upside the head. Seriously. Your H is causing strife in "her" relationship? Please. Then why does she come to YOUR house and wait in YOUR driveway to pick up YOUR husband? Seriously... it's sick. 

Apple, please move on fast! And TELL HER BOYF!

I know a couple--wife cheated on hub and hub found out. (cheated w/ their bffs--another couple). So anyway hub found out and told the OM if he did not tell his wife what he did, he would be the one to do it. Needless to say OM told his wife.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

castingabout said:


> The OM's wife was the one who told me. I didn't want to believe it. My wife denied it. I called OM. He confirmed it. W couldn't deny then, and came clean.
> OM's wife kept apologizing to me next time we talked. I kept thanking her. It's amazing how many people don't want to rock the boat by pointing out the truth. She really did me a favor.


I think if I had heard this a long time ago, I would have just called her and told her. I've never considered that someone would be thankful to have been told. The only thing that has held me back in my situation is the fact that the OM would lose full custody of his 14-year old son. This is because the girlfriend would leave him, and he works 48-hour shifts. He is the best parent for his son, and I would not want to hurt his son by doing that. Man....this stuff can sure hurt everyone involved.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

So blackmail is a possibility then. Call the home wrecker and make real threats. Back off or your life gets shredded. I mean if you're going to fight, fight DIRTY. A fair fight is one I walk away from and you don't.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Does anyone regret telling BS about affair? What I mean is- Don't some of these BS's often do some "rug-sweeping." This is why I have no intention of contacting OM BS because I know she' ll take him back. What was the reaction of these BS when you "outed" his/her spouse?


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

The best thing that I ever did was contact the woman that my husband was messing around with and then I phoned her husband.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Well, she was my husband's secretary and she answered the phone and I said:

You are the epitome of a skank. I am onto you. You are a _ucking piece of white trash. You don't give a **** about my husband, you are a pathetic gold-digger. Do you realize that you are not only hurting me, my family. his family but you are also hurting and son? And what about your husband and children? What is wrong with you? I will take care of my husband's infidelity on my own terms. Now, if you will excuse me, I will be phoning your husband. 

Hello husband. You wife and my husband are having an affair. (They were not getting along anyway and they were talking about a divorce. He was clueless about her infidelity.) She is using my husband as a way out of financial debt and a ****ty marriage. He merely said that he was sorry and I said that I was sorry to.

She told my husband that I called. 
She told my husband that I called her husband.

The cat was out of the bag but the damage was done.

Far forward one year:

Her husband agreed not to name my husband in his divorce.
They are divorced.
She sued and received 30 K from my husband for sexual harrassment. She also threatened to tell his customers.
We are still working on our 28 year marriage.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Well, she was my husband's secretary and she answered the phone and I said:

You are the epitome of a skank. I am onto you. You are a _ucking piece of white trash. You don't give a **** about my husband, you are a pathetic gold-digger. Do you realize that you are not only hurting me, my family. his family but you are also hurting and son? And what about your husband and children? What is wrong with you? I will take care of my husband's infidelity on my own terms. Now, if you will excuse me, I will be phoning your husband. 

Hello husband. You wife and my husband are having an affair. (They were not getting along anyway and they were talking about a divorce. He was clueless about her infidelity.) She is using my husband as a way out of financial debt and a ****ty marriage. He merely said that he was sorry and I said that I was sorry to.

She told my husband that I called. 
She told my husband that I called her husband.

The cat was out of the bag but the damage was done.

Fast forward one year:

Her husband agreed not to name my husband in his divorce.
They are divorced.
She sued and received 30 K from my husband for sexual harrassment. She also threatened to tell his customers.
We are still working on our 28 year marriage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ $30K. Wow.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Holy Sh*t.. thats all i can think of to say to that....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm thinking Mr. Very probably won't be having another affair anytime soon...


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

if he does.. mrs very should write out a check for 30k and get ready to hand it over... and then grab a yard stick and smack him across the head with it very hard!.. and then leave lol


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> ^ $30K. Wow.


Yes, 30 K...........that's 5 K a month for their 6 month affair !!

Who said, "Money is the root of all evil?"

It probably would have been alot more if our Attorney wasn't so sharp. He got her to admit that it was mutual and that she initially persued him.

Once a skank, always a skank !!!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I bet she does that often or it's probably her way of life. ... finds people to f-ck at the expense of their bank accounts.

If it was mutual, I don't understand why he had to pay out so much. She sounds like a hag.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Cheaper to cut her brake lines.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Runs like Dog,

No need to blackmail the OM. I had a long talk with him and he basically begged me not to tell his girlfriend. He was flat-out honest with me and even answered a lot of questions that I had for him. I'll be the first to admit that he has been nothing but perfect in my eyes since all this has come out. Does not change the fact that he did me terribly wrong by having an affair with my wife....just means that he has backed off completly and is being respectful to us both now. 

Plus....that day I talked to him I named over all the things I would have rather done to him. I'm not saying those things here.....too messed up. He knows the deal, and he knows full well what would happen if I ever had a problem like that with him again. It won't happen, and I'm comfortable with that.

And thats what it is all about. I had to be comfortable that there is no chance he and my wife would ever pick things up where they left off. And that is all I needed. Karma will take care of the rest. His girlfriend is a b1t(h


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Actually, there is a strong suspicion that she and her daughter had done this once before. 

Why did he have to pay if it was mutual?

It's called bribery.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Yep, sounds like that woman makes a fine living that way.


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