# Stepparent roles



## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

So this is kind of confusing. I will try to simplify it a bit.

Me: 2 biological kids (11 and 3)
Husband: 3 children (12,10,7) 2 of the children have severe special needs. 1 of his children lives with us full-time and calls me mom. She has severe behavior special needs. The other 2 come over every wednesday-Thursday and every other weekend.

I am not sure of my role. Or if I am doing too much/not enough. Let me explain...

I teach kindergarten full-time and do EVERYTHING in the house that the kids don't help with. I have talked with my husband about helping, but he's just a messy person...we're talking serious mess. Hi daughter is with me all the time. She goes to my school now, and I take her to school and she comes home with me, and sometimes I even put her to bed because my husband works very late hours. She goes to therapy once a week and I take her to that, and my husband meets us there. I am feeling a bit drained. I have talked to my husband, therapists, doctors about this for a year. Today my boys were with their dad and we had my husband's children over. I went to the store and was immediately getting texts about when I was coming home because my husband needed to work from home on his computer. I NEVER EVER get a break and getting a break from children happens maybe once every six months to a year. Which...I get it...I am a mom and a teacher, but I feel like I should be able to go to the store for half an hour once in a while, or go to the mall. ESPECIALLY when my boys are with their dad and my husband's kids are over.

I am getting really resentful and starting to hate it here. I have already made plans to leave because my husband suffers from anger issues, but this week he has been nice and so now it's just the issue of me not getting any time. He has no problem sitting down and doing whatever he wants, but I need to follow his kids around and make sure they are quiet or not destroying (literally) the house because he "has to work". 

I often feel like a servant and am not treated fairly. I have said I need to go to the store, or the mall, and he says "wait till we take the kids home and then we can go" 

And I feel for my husband because his kids are out of control. Still in diapers, taking things apart, destroying everything, out-of-control. He needs help, but not from me. I can help, but not at my own sanity. I told him that if his kids are coming over we need to hire an aide to come too ESPECIALLY if he is working. 

I am so tired.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Katiemelanie said:


> I feel like I should be able to go to the store for half an hour once in a while, or go to the mall.


Of course you should be able to. The load you're carrying is not sustainable long term OP - you are smart to already know this.

I think you should hire a support worker to help, I think all families with special needs children need this - it's a necessity. 

Your husband needs to cut the [email protected] and step up NOW. He can work/play whatever he does on his computer when all the kids are in bed if he wants to. It's not ok to leave you with the task of caring for all the children, all the time. Whether some of those children are stepchildren or not is irrelevant. You are both parents. You both work. You share the load at home.


----------



## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

I just asked him to get an aide (and btw the state would pay for an aide because 2 of the children were adopted from foster care) and he said no. "You want to hire an aide so they can follow him around the house?" I told him yes because it wasn't fair for me to be following him around the house all the time OR for my husband. It's just not sustainable.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

You are not a SP you are a babysitter and house maid. These are his kids, he needs to deal with them.

If it were me it would be ultimatum time, "get an aide, step and parent your kids or I am going on an extended holiday".

Did you two discuss any of this before blending families ad getting married?


----------



## HollyJohnson (Feb 2, 2016)

I think parenting is an important part of everyone's life, which should be done aptly. Parent or step parent, it is their responsibility to raise kids with proper education. If you do not have time to look after kids you can send them to long island preschool where they can get all the essential facilities required to grow and develop.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

HollyJohnson said:


> If you do not have time to look after kids you can send them to long island preschool where they can get all the essential facilities required to grow and develop.


This sounds like a practical solution. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

