# 100% sure Divorce is the path to take....now what



## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

If you are 100% sure that you want to divorce what do you do next? Talk to your spouse and tell them and try to be amiciable or do you lawyer up and then file and let the papers come in the mail and her find out that way? I am curious of both positive and negative to those 2 ideas and any other way to approach it.

As always
Thanks for the great help.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I've always read it is best to keep your cards close, not revealing what your about to play, especially with infidelity and if she is still with the OM.
Exposing your hand gives them time to do damage control.
IMO if infidelity is involved why make it amiciable? Even with kids I would think there are certain things you want, and exposing your intent may give your WW a chance to make corrections no matter how false they are.

I guess its how much you want and how much your future exwife wants?

What did your lawyer tell you.......wait I just answered the question! Lawyer up 1st!!!!!!!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

There's nothing saying you can't talk to a lawyer first to learn your rights and responsibilities, but still try to keep things amicable. I think there are HUGE advantages to keeping things as amicable as possible. It will keep more money in your pocket, and I think it will be much easier on your kids as well. But when couples need their lawyers to decide who gets which VHS tape, and they bad-mouth the other spouse to the kids, tearing them between the parents, nobody wins. Unfortunately, this may mean your stbx wife also wins somewhat... If it's that important to you that she "loses" that you're willing to sacrifice everything else, that's your right too, I guess.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shane Jimison (Sep 1, 2011)

It makes sense to talk with your spouse first regardless. If you hit him/her with the divorce papers out of the blue, it can only antagonize an already difficult situation. You may want to go ahead and find a lawyer to represent you, but don't do it behind the spouse's back. the animosity won't be worth it.


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

Talk to a lawyer first to understand your options and exposure. A consultation to review your options is not a commitment to use them or to file. You need to understand what each party is potentially responsible for before filing. Keep it amicable if possible and work on a solution that is fair to both parties. By talking to a lawyer, you know what you are up against and that can help you in a mediation or simple conversation with your spouse. In the end, if you file and you both lawyer up and it gets ugly, the only people that win are the lawyers


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