# Fetish behavior



## urf (Feb 18, 2017)

Can anyone explain to me what a fetish is and why people have them? What are acceptable fetishes and what is not?


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

I think the simplest way to describe it is a sexual obsession with an object or a specific part of the body. It doesn't seem to be nearly as common as fantasies. I've come across a very small number of people with fetishes, in heterosexual men it's almost always a foot fetish. 

The one guy I asked about it was able to point to a specific childhood experience that lead to his obsession with small, perfect feet. Like some fantasies, I think the underlying excitement created by the object/body part is the result of some sort imprinting from childhood experiences.

As to what is acceptable, I think that depends wholly on whether the expression of that fetish negatively impacts others. For example, nothing wrong with an obsession with men/women's dirty underwear unless you're actually stealing people's underwear to satisfy your need or your preference is children's dirty underwear. That would be sick!


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

urf said:


> Can anyone explain to me what a fetish is and why people have them? What are acceptable fetishes and what is not?


Acceptable are not illegal and enjoyed and agreed upon with your partner.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I see a kink as something that is not a very common sexual activity that you enjoy, but that is not necessary for you to enjoy sex.

I see a fetish as the same thing but where you need it in order to enjoy sex. 

So, someone who sometimes like to be spanked has a kink. Someone who can only enjoy sex when they are spanked has a fetish.

As far as what is OK, I go with safe / sane / consensual. If it doesn't harm anyone, is not a result of real mental illness, and both partners enjoy, then its fine. The biggest issue with fetishes though is that you need to find someone compatible because they are *necessary* for your enjoyment. Even a fetish that you are willing to humor once in a while can get very old if you have to do it every time.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

From dictionary.com:

noun
1.
an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency.
2.
any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion:
to make a fetish of high grades.
3.
Psychology. any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

Personally everyone I hear use the word seems to use it differently. 

I call my preference for a specific body type (athletic) in a female to be a fetish. After all, those parts of her body are not her genitals, so why should it matter.

It is often used to indicate a type of action. My wife associates pain with sex. Not too much, but a little. She is a masochist. Most people consider that a fetish. Also bondage, and those have nothing to do with specific body parts.

The list is long, and I guess the word is just used to indicate something that turns someone on that is not run of the mill boring stuff.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

MovingForward said:


> Acceptable are not illegal and enjoyed and agreed upon with your partner.


Who gives a crap if an activity is legal or not if it is between consenting adults?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Well, most things are legal now. Even anal sex in most first world countries, since 2013.

That's a fetish too. Butt not one I'm in to.

And there are professionals who spend years trying to figure out why people have the fetish preferences they have, to no avail.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Ynot said:


> MovingForward said:
> 
> 
> > Acceptable are not illegal and enjoyed and agreed upon with your partner.
> ...


Well I was thinking more along the lines of people who have kid or animal fetish. Yeah I agree anything else goes really


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

The word fetish is greatly misused in language. It does have a technical meaning which has been explained, but it is also used to describe anything that is not typical vanilla sex.

I like the more classic definition.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife likes vanilla ice cream, as long as I leave it on long enough to make it sting some. But maybe that's too vanilla.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I though a true fetish the person needs(what ever they like ) that kind of stimulation to actually orgasm. Its the only way the can get off.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

No way. It just needs to be sexually exciting to them. That's all. If it turns them on at all, if it adds to their excitement, its a fetish.

That's an overstatement.

For instance Mary likes to be hurt a little while having sex. She can come without it, with some work, which I love doing, but if I hurt her a little it's like a kick start, and she zooms right up there.

I find her feet sexy looking, but they don't particularly turn me on because I don't have a foot fetish. So it's a matter of degree.

But a fetish isn't something that is required to come, just is something out of the ordinary which is viewed as being extra sexy, that most people do not view as being extra sexy.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Wouldn't those be kinks, not fetishes by the usual standards? 






WilliamM said:


> No way. It just needs to be sexually exciting to them. That's all. If it turns them on at all, if it adds to their excitement, its a fetish.
> 
> That's an overstatement.
> 
> ...


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

List of Fetishes and List of Kinks and Terminology
https://fetlife.com/

What's in a word? They are called both interchangeably by many people.

Who knows. Call it what you want. Nobody who does this stuff cares.

Except there sure isn't anything about any of it being necessary. It's something that someone finds exciting that most other people don't find exciting.

Edit: And from reading this website, I would be tempted to put oral sex into the list of fetishes!


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Ynot said:


> Who gives a crap if an activity is legal or not if it is between consenting adults?


Well, depending on your sexual deviancy, and the laws in your jurisdiction, engaging in said degeneracy may have very, very undesirable consequences. That's why legality matters.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ynot said:


> Who gives a crap if an activity is legal or not if it is between consenting adults?


There is a reason why things are illegal.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Yeah, most people who post here live in what we call the first world nations, though, so they forget most of the world is different. And most are skeptical when I mention homosexuality was still illegal in parts of the USA until 2013.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> There is a reason why things are illegal.


Yes there is, and that is mainly because busy body (usually religious) zealots decide to stick their noses into everybody else's business. What goes on between two consenting adults is NO ONE else's business. We shouldn't have laws to regulate what consenting adults choose to do. But hey, if you want to be a compliant little drone, don't let me stop you.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> There is a reason why things are illegal.


I'm pretty sure it is still illegal for a woman to drive a car in Saudi Arabia. There's undoubtedly a reason for that. Does that make it acceptable?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I'd think of fetishes more in terms of healthy and unhealthy and it has little to do with what the actual fetish is. It's more about how it works in the person's life.

If you like to get peed on, your partner has no objection and it does not become a problem in your life, it's acceptable. If you insist your partner pees on you despite their objections, it's unacceptable. Don't sweat societal norms. They are constantly in flux anyway.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*That's why when the SCOTUS overturned gay rights and anal sex, the Texas AG made the statement that in his eyes, it was still illegal, and would do everything in his power to bring about a case to re-criminalize it!

And for what it's worth, Texas' Sodomy Laws, although now declared illegal by recent Federal Law, remain firmly entrenched on the state law books! 

They just are no longer enforced!*


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I knew a girl that had what I can only call a hair fetish.She shaved her head every morning but she wore really expensive wigs at work.She had no shortage of boyfriends and never tried to hide her bald head outside of work.When I met her I asked her had she alopecia but she said she just loved the feeling of a razor on her body.I don't know where else she was shaved though.lol.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> I knew a girl that had what I can only call a hair fetish.She shaved her head every morning but she wore really expensive wigs at work.She had no shortage of boyfriends and never tried to hide her bald head outside of work.When I met her I asked her had she alopecia but she said she just loved the feeling of a razor on her body.I don't know where else she was shaved though.lol.


I've heard of that before. Some gal we knew said she knew a gal who did it. Said the woman shaved everything including her eyebrows. I asked. I was curious about eyebrows. I guess I find the idea of shaving off the eyebrows stranger than shaving her head. Yes, I know many women shave their eyebrows and paint them back on, but for some reason it struck me as especially odd in the case of her shaving her head and eyebrows. 

So, do you happen to know if the gal who shaved her head also shaved her eyebrows? Just curious.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *That's why when the SCOTUS overturned gay rights and anal sex, the Texas AG made the statement that in his eyes, it was still illegal, and would do everything in his power to bring about a case to re-criminalize it!
> 
> And for what it's worth, Texas' Sodomy Laws, although now declared illegal by recent Federal Law, remain firmly entrenched on the state law books!
> 
> They just are no longer enforced!*


In the U.K. Homosexuality was illegal and people found guilty were chemically castrated.This was still going on in the fifties when Alan Turing,the man who broke the enigma code and made a huge contribution to the ending of WW2 was chemically castrated.The importance of Turing to the end of the war and indeed modern computers cannot be overstated.He committed suicide by taking a bite out of an apple which he had laced with cyanide. 
The Apple company logo is widely believed to be a tribute to him.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

WilliamM said:


> I've heard of that before. Some gal we knew said she knew a gal who did it. Said the woman shaved everything including her eyebrows. I asked. I was curious about eyebrows. I guess I find the idea of shaving off the eyebrows stranger than shaving her head. Yes, I know many women shave their eyebrows and paint them back on, but for some reason it struck me as especially odd in the case of her shaving her head and eyebrows.
> 
> So, do you happen to know if the gal who shaved her head also shaved her eyebrows? Just curious.


I should have been clearer, she had no eyebrows OR eyelashes!


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Yes. Thankfully the UK issues are fairly much history. In the US, it is current events. Which is a little painful for some of us. My wife was subjected to conversion therapy in 1969. Her sexual orientation was illegal, and they were allowed to torture her as they saw fit. As I post more here, she allows me to be more open about her issues, so I could call it trickle truth. She only remembered the event after 8 years of psychiatric help, and then again repressed the memory 5 years later. But she healed enough in those years for her to function within the framework we have established for her. It was actually the moment she repressed the therapy when she healed best. At that moment she recovered the memories they had forced her to repress when she was young, and she then repressed the memories of the therapy. We leave it at that. 

Conversion therapy is still legal to be performed on minors in the United States, in many of our states, against the will of the minors. It is supposedly no longer as brutal and violent as it was when it was done to my wife, but it is legal. For instance today therapists are no longer supposed to use electroshock and frontal lobotomy as tools to re-orient children with homosexual tendencies. I thank God those were not tools of choice in my wife's case. What she suffered was violent enough, though. I have done some research on the means used by various people to effect Conversion Therapy, but it sickens me, so I find it very hard to study it, or actually even to remember much about it. The tools used on our own children are truly gruesome. 

The things we do in the name of law and order can be disgusting. And we do these disgusting things to our children. Just because she wanted to kiss a girl.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> I should have been clearer, she had no eyebrows OR eyelashes!


Wow, it never dawned on me to even think about eyelashes. An opportunity to learn.

Thank you.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

WilliamM said:


> Yes. Thankfully the UK issues are fairly much history. In the US, it is current events. Which is a little painful for some of us. My wife was subjected to conversion therapy in 1969. Her sexual orientation was illegal, and they were allowed to torture her as they saw fit. As I post more here, she allows me to be more open about her issues, so I could call it trickle truth. She only remembered the event after 8 years of psychiatric help, and then again repressed the memory 5 years later. But she healed enough in those years for her to function within the framework we have established for her. It was actually the moment she repressed the therapy when she healed best. At that moment she recovered the memories they had forced her to repress when she was young, and she then repressed the memories of the therapy. We leave it at that.
> 
> Conversion therapy is still legal to be performed on minors in the United States, in many of our states, against the will of the minors. It is supposedly no longer as brutal and violent as it was when it was done to my wife, but it is legal. For instance today therapists are no longer supposed to use electroshock and frontal lobotomy as tools to re-orient children with homosexual tendencies. I thank God those were not tools of choice in my wife's case. What she suffered was violent enough, though. I have done some research on the means used by various people to effect Conversion Therapy, but it sickens me, so I find it very hard to study it, or actually even to remember much about it. The tools used on our own children are truly gruesome.
> 
> The things we do in the name of law and order can be disgusting. And we do these disgusting things to our children. Just because she wanted to kiss a girl.


My best friend is a gay woman,we have been friends for about fourteen years,lived together,traveled all round the world for rock concerts and now she is my girlfriends closest friend.She is also a shareholder in my business.She is from a southern state,racism and homophobia are not only tolerated but encouraged.She was virtually disowned by her family when she "came out"and was never invited to any family functions,weddings etc.A school friend of hers was getting married and she asked me would I come with her to the wedding.We booked a hotel rather than stay with any of her relatives but she wanted to visit her parents.Her family greeted me like royalty,welcomed me into their home and her father said to me he knew his daughter just needed to get a penis inside her to cure her.They assumed we were boyfriend and girlfriend and I never put them any wiser.We left immediately after the wedding and she never visited again.
Both her parents are educated professionals and her mother is a physician.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Oh, and because I am sure some people must think it: I do suspect Mary's masochism, her association of pain with sex, may in fact be due to her having been subjected to Conversion Therapy. From what I was able to learn in the 5 years she had memories of the event, and given her particular pathology it is hard to learn things from her, she was repeatedly subjected to extreme pain during the Conversion Therapy, and the goal of the therapy was to make her stop thinking about sex. 

So I have thought it was possible she could now associate the two ideas because of that, in some weird maybe reverse way. However, there is no way to know.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Mary's Conversion Therapy was carried out by members of her church, inside the church, under church scrutiny, with the permission and encouragement of the church and her family.

Yeah, I feel sorry for your friend. It still amazes me how calous families can be, but I know it shouldn't.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

WilliamM said:


> Wow, it never dawned on me to even think about eyelashes. An opportunity to learn.
> 
> Thank you.


When it comes to a fetish the nearest I ever came to having one was when I had a Japanese girlfriend in NY.Occasionly she would do the whole geisha girl role play,she had the clothes,the makeup,the jewellery,everything.It was great lol.
She told me something funny once,she said a lot of Japanese women had a liking for shaving their faces,with foam and razor.I thought she was yanking my chain but I googled it and it is very common,in Tokyo especially.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

WilliamM said:


> Mary's Conversion Therapy was carried out by members of her church, inside the church, under church scrutiny, with the permission and encouragement of the church and her family.
> 
> Yeah, I feel sorry for your friend. It still amazes me how calous families can be, but I know it shouldn't.


You should read the book"Oranges are not the only fruit".You may or may not want to let your wife read it though.


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## megamuppet (Feb 13, 2017)

I used to work with someone who had a tree and plant fetish. Very odd but it was a real issue for him.


Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

megamuppet said:


> I used to work with someone who had a tree and plant fetish. Very odd but it was a real issue for him.
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


It probably just grew on him.


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## megamuppet (Feb 13, 2017)

Nice 

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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife wants to know if he ever went to a shrink to try to get to the root of the issue.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

WilliamM said:


> My wife wants to know if he ever went to a shrink to try to get to the root of the issue.




He did, but the shrink was stumped


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> He did, but the shrink was stumped
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




He tried to help through therapy but the cure didn't stick


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> He tried to help through therapy but the cure didn't stick
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Those therapists have branches everywhere.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

TheTruthHurts said:


> He did, but the shrink was stumped
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Maybe he was barking up the wrong tree.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> Maybe he was barking up the wrong tree.


That's enough puns.Any more yew will be asked to leaf.
Oaky.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I have always been under the understanding that a fetish is object based (Feet, hair, beards, big noses, lingerie...) 

A kink is activity based. (Spanking, BDSM, dominatrix, role-play, rough sex, anal sex, etc.) 

I would say the most prevalent fetish today is tattoos. The most popular kinks are probably be BDSM or maybe cuckolding.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> I should have been clearer, she had no eyebrows OR eyelashes!


No eyelashes? What a shame. 

I once had a girlfriend that really liked to tickle my frenum with her eyelashes. I wonder if that was fetish behavior?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> No eyelashes? What a shame.
> 
> I once had a girlfriend that really liked to tickle my frenum with her eyelashes. I wonder if that was fetish behavior?


I had to google frenum to find out what it was.
I wish I hadn't really.&#55357;&#56883;&#55357;&#56883;&#55357;&#56883;&#55357;&#56883;


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I was always under the impression that a fetish is something that someone _needs_ in order to get aroused/get off. A Kink would be something out or the ordinary that gets you aroused/off, but isn't necessary.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

toblerone said:


> I was always under the impression that a fetish is something that someone _needs_ in order to get aroused/get off. A Kink would be something out or the ordinary that gets you aroused/off, but isn't necessary.


Since in many societies conversations about sexuality are considered something that is "private" and that should only take place between a husband and wife, many individuals may not be able to be formal or concise when discussing sexuality. 

Add to that you have online porn that tends to normalize and thrive on people's curiosities about fetishes. Porn performers themselves may not even have any fetishes, but just be pretend in order to cater to those interested. Thus skewing what society views as fetish-type behavior. 

Fetish = Oh yes that video I saw where a bunch of girls getting off by being dressed up in latex and squirting themselves with whip cream. I've seen those same performers in other videos and they also get off just fine without having to do any of that.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

As a 47 year fetishist, I know a little about fetishes. In fact, my penis is locked in a custom chastity cage as I type this and I have to wait 4-5 more months until my wife will give me an orgasm. She teases me daily to keep me in a state of constant arousal. The anticipation of an orgasm has become more enjoyable than the actual 10 second orgasm itself. This is called Chastity play but not like most websites portray it with a dominant/submissive element. Prior to that I engaged in all sorts of BDSM activities with my wife's girlfriend whom I shared with my wife. She is married to a cuckold, who is a man who enjoys the mixed feelings of jealousy and arousal by having his wife have sex with other men. I cuckolded him for 25 years. My wife, our girlfriend and I formed what is called a poly triad. This was just the "normal" stuff in our life. 

A fetish is what the other guy is doing that you do not like to do. Sex is viewed as intercourse and oral sex. Anal sex and any other variation of what is called Vanilla sex, is considered a fetish. Take a look at the free to join Fetlife.com website for a complete list of fetishes. I have tried every fetish there over the last 47 years, even the yucky ones. Having vanilla sex for decades gets boring and routine after the first 5-10 years. Then couples stop having sex so frequently which lowers the amount of Oxytocin in their brain, the hormone that emotionally bonds a couple together. When that happens they post here. 

If you look at sex in a non judgemental way, anything consenting adults do that does not harm others, is OK. So a fetish is subjective to the one viewing it. Fetishes have been categorized over time. Go to fetlife and look around. You will find more people than you can imagine engaged in fetish sex, join organizations, attend conventions, etc.. There is a whole new world behind that vanilla curtain.


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