# 180 question



## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

I am finally ready to do the 180 with my STBXH. He sends me texts daily with small talk, like "How are you?" Or "I hope you are having a great day." I am ignoring them now and only answering texts that pertain to business, like getting our taxes done. 

I know that when I see him when we get our taxes done, he is going to ask me why I don't respond to his texts. Do I just tell him that I am ignoring them? What is the best way to handle this? I don't want to come off too *****y, but also want stay firm. This ordeal is tearing me apart, but I can't be his "friend", which is what he wants.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Tell him you aren't interested in being his friend and that you are putting your time and effort into other things.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

There is a reason you are divorcing. After the divorce, you might have to maintain a "professional" relationship in order to deal with kids, taxes, property, etc. Other than those things that need to be discussed, there is really nothing else to talk about.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Hilly, You could just respond sparingly and at your leisure instead of not at all.


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## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

Riverside MFT said:


> There is a reason you are divorcing. After the divorce, you might have to maintain a "professional" relationship in order to deal with kids, taxes, property, etc. Other than those things that need to be discussed, there is really nothing else to talk about.


Yes, we are divorcing because he chose to leave me. I am pushing for the divorce because I know he would never file. He would be happy keeping me around as a "friend" and see me as he pleases. As much as I love him, I am not ok with that. I have to do this 180 to be free to find myself, and eventually find the right man this time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> Hilly, You could just respond sparingly and at your leisure instead of not at all.


True. It would drive him nuts. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

hilly2 said:


> I am finally ready to do the 180 with my STBXH. He sends me texts daily with small talk, like "How are you?" Or "I hope you are having a great day." I am ignoring them now and only answering texts that pertain to business, like getting our taxes done.
> 
> I know that when I see him when we get our taxes done, he is going to ask me why I don't respond to his texts. Do I just tell him that I am ignoring them? What is the best way to handle this? I don't want to come off too *****y, but also want stay firm. This ordeal is tearing me apart, but I can't be his "friend", which is what he wants.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Same boat. My STBXH wants everything to be pretty much the same only not married. I put an end to that. He wants out, so out you go. 

I'd say that you've been keeping busy and haven't had a chance to reply. Or say by the time you see the text, it's too late. Or, by the time you had a chance to text, it's too late at night. Or, say you can't be "friends" right now, that you need time to sort things out in your head. That was my line. No "family" dinners 3 nights a week, not acceptable, we are not a family, it is not the reality, and it's just plain too hard right now. I need to set boundaries so I can move on. Boom, done.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Sorry, sounded really harsh! Had an especially crappy day today. Blech.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Wildflower3 said:


> Sorry, sounded really harsh! Had an especially crappy day today. Blech.


No, it sounded firm. 
Firm is okay when we have been dumped, hurt, crushed, abandoned, and betrayed.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If he asks, just say you're busy.


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## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

that_girl said:


> If he asks, just say you're busy.


Actually, I am way busier now than when I was with him. Tonight, my girlfriend told me how much more happier and alive I look since he left.


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