# Interesting Study



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

We see the results of this pretty often here. 

That said, it is interesting to see it studied scientifically as opposed to the anecdotal evidence many of us have seen.





__





9-Year Study Reveals The Lasting Effects Childhood Trauma Has on Adult Relationships


An ongoing study among more than 2,000 adults in the Netherlands has found childhood maltreatment is associated with lower quality relationships later in life. Past research has also found childhood abuse or neglect can lead to insecure attachment...




www.sciencealert.com





Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

That’s kind of like saying 9 year study reveals if you smash your finger with a hammer it will hurt.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I believe it is inarguably accurate.

Mrs. C and I worked hard to be the exception that proves the rule.

We had a very unpleasant and broken road to travel before finding each other.

That road is strewn with the corpses of unhealthy relationships and pain.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> That’s kind of like saying 9 year study reveals if you smash your finger with a hammer it will hurt.


A good response.

I'd have to say, that similar to @ConanHub , Mrs. Ragnar and I have that let's say imperfect childhood broken, rebroken, and broken some more in common and we see most things through shared views.

My own opinion I do believe certain folks ride that dog forever and make a choice to not get past certain things. When a choice to jump off is right there for them. Ymmv if course.


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> A good response.
> 
> I'd have to say, that similar to @ConanHub , Mrs. Ragnar and I have that let's say imperfect childhood broken, rebroken, and broken some more in common and we see most things through shared views.
> 
> My own opinion I do believe certain folks ride that dog forever and make a choice to not get past certain things. When a choice to jump off is right there for them. Ymmv if course.


This reminds me of Katherine Hepburn's wonderful quote to her daughter in On Golden Pond that I remember from when I was a teenager -- Everyone looks back on their past with SOME bitterness and pain, but you can't let it ruin your life -- or something like that!

I always thought that was such a quietly profound way to look at it.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Margie Easter said:


> I caught myself thinking that it would be great if at school we were taught the art of family relationships


How would school do this. Teachers are people with jobs they aren’t miracle workers. And whose family or cultural relationships would we hold up as the standard?


----------



## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

Would be nice to know what "childhood trauma" (traumas?) were experienced by the study subjects.

Beatings? Discrimination (favorite son/daughter)? Incest? Left alone? Farmed out to a school (I'm thinking boys or girls only)? Farmed out to a relative? (Grandma/Grandpa/Aunt/Uncle)? Or the worse horrors of being kept as a prisoner - deprived of basic needs like food/safe place to sleep/proper clothing/deprived of social relationships?

The topic brought to mind "Miss America by Day" - now that is a traumatic childhood that took a huge toll of time out of her life.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

My mum had a very bad childhood. Her dad died due to the damage the mustard gas did to his lungs because he was a motor bike dispatch rider in WW1. She was 2 years old, one of 5 girls. 
Her mother couldn't cope and they were very poor so a few years later 3 of the daughters including my mum were sent to a very strict and unloving orphanage. 
She stayed there till they chucked her out at age 16 as was the norm. 

Yet despite having practically no normal family life, she was a really good mum, wife and a caring and compassionate person.

We also have various family members who were sexually abused by a father for years. Yes it was hard for them but all have worked through it and gone on to have good relationships and to be good parents. It takes strength and determination but it can be done. 

Of course it's harder, that's obvious, but a bad start doesn't have to ruin the rest of your life unless you let it. 
One lady I know who was sexually abused by her father for years said that he had ruined her childhood so she wasn't going to let him ruin the rest of her life. 
L
We know a young man who was raped many times and physically abused by his dad. When it all came to light, his dad killed himself rather that face what he had done. 
He is now in his mid 20's. A great guy. Hardworking, happily married and doing well. Yes he will always bear the scars of course, but his faith had helped immensely.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ShatteredKat said:


> Would be nice to know what "childhood trauma" (traumas?) were experienced by the study subjects.
> 
> Beatings? Discrimination (favorite son/daughter)? Incest? Left alone? Farmed out to a school (I'm thinking boys or girls only)? Farmed out to a relative? (Grandma/Grandpa/Aunt/Uncle)? Or the worse horrors of being kept as a prisoner - deprived of basic needs like food/safe place to sleep/proper clothing/deprived of social relationships?
> 
> The topic brought to mind "Miss America by Day" - now that is a traumatic childhood that took a huge toll of time out of her life.


It would depend on the nature of the abuse and your response to it will be as individualistic as you are.
Insecure boys will grow up to become supplicant men or they will grow up to become distant men.
Insecure girls will grow up to be promiscuous girls or wall flowers.

I think the point of the article is that how you are able to form bonds in childhood will carry into adulthood, unless you are willing to take control make changes to become a healthier person.


----------



## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

Life is more complicated than what that article implies. I bet if you took the same control group there would be things about their childhood that they did love and miss now that they have grown up. For instance when I was 14 I remember coming home from school to see an ambulance in the parking lot and my mom being loaded into it with a slit wrist (she was a raging depressive alcoholic). My dad left me home alone with the bloodstained carpet to be with her at the hospital. But I also remember being 14 and the boy I was crushing on snuck into my room (with my help!) and gave me my first real tingley kiss with some cheesy 80's hair metal in the background. Life is all about what you focus on. To be healthy you take the good, and leave the bad.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Erudite said:


> Life is more complicated than what that article implies. I bet if you took the same control group there would be things about their childhood that they did love and miss now that they have grown up. For instance when I was 14 I remember coming home from school to see an ambulance in the parking lot and my mom being loaded into it with a slit wrist (she was a raging depressive alcoholic). My dad left me home alone with the bloodstained carpet to be with her at the hospital. But I also remember being 14 and the boy I was crushing on snuck into my room (with my help!) and gave me my first real tingley kiss with some cheesy 80's hair metal in the background. Life is all about what you focus on. To be healthy you take the good, and leave the bad.


My guess is your life with your mom’s issues is what led you to accept all you have with your husband’s issues for so many years. You’re programmed for dealing with less than ideal and continuing on.


----------



## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

Openminded said:


> My guess is your life with your mom’s issues is what led you to accept all you have with your husband’s issues for so many years. You’re programmed for dealing with less than ideal and continuing on.


To be honest I thought I healed pretty well from my childhood. My mom died when my oldest was just a year old from lung/brain cancer. And actually ex was really good at the time with Mom dying and me being preggo. I am not saying I don't have issues from that but they would be largely unconcious/reflex things. Mostly I just try to remember the good things about her now because we never got the chance to work it out together. By necessity the forgiveness was all 1 sided. She suffered at the end and nothing she did ever did to me made her deserve that.

Anyway, my point was that most people have less than ideal childhoods. If a study intentionally leads you to correlate your issues with your childhood exclusively, then why do we all harbor that nostalgic feeling to some degree? I still feel that kiss. Hear that music. Feel that happiness. It is distant, and far away, but it didn't happen in a bubble.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Erudite said:


> To be honest I thought I healed pretty well from my childhood. My mom died when my oldest was just a year old from lung/brain cancer. And actually ex was really good at the time with Mom dying and me being preggo. I am not saying I don't have issues from that but they would be largely unconcious/reflex things. Mostly I just try to remember the good things about her now because we never got the chance to work it out together. By necessity the forgiveness was all 1 sided. She suffered at the end and nothing she did ever did to me made her deserve that.
> 
> Anyway, my point was that most people have less than ideal childhoods. If a study intentionally leads you to correlate your issues with your childhood exclusively, then why do we all harbor that nostalgic feeling to some degree? I still feel that kiss. Hear that music. Feel that happiness. It is distant, and far away, but it didn't happen in a bubble.


You may have thought you healed, and in some ways you very likely have, but you have also put up with stuff from your husband that very few would. That nostalgic feeling is the mind’s attempt to remember good over bad. I consider my childhood to be close to ideal but that’s the good stuff I’m remembering. My mother had a difficult childhood and at times she made mine difficult as well. But that’s not what I remember. However, it has had a substantial impact subconsciously.


----------



## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

Openminded said:


> You may have thought you healed, and in some ways you very likely have, but you have also put up with stuff from your husband that very few would. That nostalgic feeling is the mind’s attempt to remember good over bad. I consider my childhood to be close to ideal but that’s the good stuff I’m remembering. My mother had a difficult childhood and at times she made mine difficult as well. But that’s not what I remember. However, it has had a substantial impact subconsciously.


Perhaps, nothing is ever perfect. I know a few people who had "ideal" upbringings by society's standards and found themselves woefully unprepared for the real world. There has to be some sort of balance or middle ground. Maybe you have reached that place. I guess I'll know it when I find it, huh? 🙃


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I wonder what percentage of people grow up in a family with no dysfunction and no major challenges. Seems to be pretty much part of the human condition. Still, some of the best adjusted people I have known suffered horrific childhoods. The one that immediately comes to mind is a coworker who when his mother died when he was 5, was dropped at an orphanage by his father, who he never saw again. He matter-of-factly told the story over lunch one day while describing some charity work he was active in.


----------

