# Little ray of sunshine



## StGeorge (Sep 12, 2011)

..in my otherwise cloudy world. 

Last night when I was tucking my daughter in to bed (she's 7) she noticed something.

"Daddy, you still have your ring on!"

Ever since my wife and I were married, I never wore my wedding ring much. Mostly because I do a lot of manual labor and mostly intricate work with my hands. So I would wear it when we go out or occasionally when it was the weekend or something. The other 90% of the time it stayed tucked away in it's box in the drawer. 

It's not fancy at all, just plain gold and simple. When we were picking them out, I told my wife that I didn't want anything that was going to be big and bulky and "irritate" me. I have never been a person who liked to wear jewelry. My parents payed $180 for my class ring which was on my finger 1 day before I decided that it bothered me too much to leave on. Boy they were a bit upset with me for a LONG time.

I put the ring on last weekend when we went out of town to stay with family. I guess I never thought about it, but when we got back, I just didn't take it off. 

Until she said something, I hadn't noticed, I guess. 

So I told her, "Yeah, I do still have it on, baby."

She looked at me with a puzzled look, "But you never used to leave it on before. You always take it off and put it in the drawer with Momma's when she takes hers off at the end of the day."

I nodded a few times, "yeah I know."

And I was going to leave it at that. But I decided, everything happens for a reason. Even questions that are asked. So I took a deep breath. 

"Sweety, The reason people give each other rings when the get married is to symbolize something. It means you are making a promise to that person to never forget about them and always love them. No matter what."

She nodded a few times and said, "Oh. Ok. So you are leaving yours on then?"

"Yep, from now on I am." 

And in the way kids do she just kind of dismissed me and snuggled down in her bed. 

Yeah Karma, I get it.


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## DSSM9500 (Sep 16, 2011)

Thank you for sharing....kids can be the best emotional remedy when going through all of this. In marriage and in the fog of any A, it is easy to lose track of the real symbolism of marriage vows and rings.


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## bossesgirl26 (Jun 19, 2011)

That is a precious story. My husband has 2 wedding bands. One has diamonds and the other is a simple inexpensive band. When we got married he was a Union Carpenter. He was the one who didn't wanna go without a ring. So on our first anniversary I got him the cheap band. He was always the type that would literally turn the car around and go back home if he forgot his ring. I would always be the one to say don't be silly, it is okay, you don't have to go back home. But he would insist. Well now he is a firefighter and doesn't wear one to work at all, which I totally understand. But he NEVER wears one otherwise and hasn't for years. He always said its because he got out of the habit due to work. Well then as our marital problems increased, he finally confessed why he didn't wear it. I can't remember the last time he had it on. It breaks my heart for a million reasons. Especially now that he had an affair. Not that a ring will keep someone faithful, but it is nice to see on your spouse. Maybe someday. Sorry to ramble. Thanks for sharing a special story.


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## Hijo (Sep 1, 2011)

Odd how these stories just mirror your own life in one way or another.

Being as my WW is from europe, culture in her country never really ties any significance to rings and whatnot in regards to marriage.

When we married, I was young, poor, and it was a simple .25 carat with a couple of chips on the side. Didn't look bad, but was small. Very small.

Well, she hasn't worn it for years as she lost weight and it kept falling off. So originally, she didn't want to lose it as she knew the significance it meant to me and it held a special place in her jewelry box.

Post EA, and a couple weeks into a going-good R, I steal the ring, take it to a jeweler and resize it. As an added bonus, I upped the main diamond to a .5, the largest the setting could take.

A week later, she's asking me if I have seen the ring. I pull out the box I had been carrying for a couple days, get down on one knee (very beta, sorry!) and open it for her.

She broke out in tears.

What was really surprising is she noticed right away that the stone was larger, even though it was not much different size-wise.

It hasn't left her hand since.


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## hopelessdenialpain (Sep 24, 2011)

It is nice to hear some people understand and respect their spouse's feelings in that the wedding ring is important and what it symbolizes to them.

Beautiful story..thank you for sharing.


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## kekel1123 (Aug 17, 2011)

I believe in symbolity (?) Of the wedding ring/band.my wife and I right now is having a rough time. Really hard. Before , she does not wear it during our past arguments and when were ok, she wear it and I also told her why she haven't wear our band. But now that we are at the lowest ebb of our relationship, I'm really glad she still wears it. Although she said , for us its over, blah, blah blah, but seeing her still wearing our wedding band means a lot to me and telling me. There is still hope!...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NURSE51 (Sep 22, 2011)

I am having a terrible time figuring out this layout. I cannot remember where I found the spot to post a thread. But is your thread about a marriage reconciliation? If so I am happy for you.!


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## NURSE51 (Sep 22, 2011)

Lovely and loving geusture


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## StGeorge (Sep 12, 2011)

NURSE51 said:


> Lovely and loving geusture


Hi everyone. Been out for a while. Nurse, not so much a response to an R. I am more or less having and R with myself. 

I had an EA recently that I was able to pull myself out of. Since then the good side of me has been winning this war going on between the man I was and the man I allowed myself to be, who almost ruined my life and the lives of my family. 

I believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason. There are no such things as mistakes. You can change things before its too late. 

I posted this to remind people that when you let go of things that symbolize you commitments, you are most vulnerable to temptation. 

I also think that it was the same feeling of understanding that I felt when I realized why my daughter noticed that I still had my ring on, that refused to allow me to give in completely to the Ea and ultimately gave me the strength to break free of the emotional addiction. 

My surface thoughts may have been able to temporarily excuse my behavior but something deep inside of me wouldn't. 

I'm just thankful that whatever it was didn't give up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StGeorge (Sep 12, 2011)

Thought I'd post this here. I figure this is the best thread for this sort of thing. And anything I share here that might help someone else, is worth it. 

I write a lot, at least I used to. I'm finding that everything that's happened to me recently has made me want to write more. 

I wrote this poem for my wife last night, I'm going to give it to her tonight. 

If anyone is inspired by it, or wants to use it, be my guest. I'm not worried in the least. 

Might help if the person you give it to has a love of the ocean/sailing ships. It's something my wife and I have always had in common. So when I write things for her they tend to have a lot of that symbolism.

It has no title, I don't usually title anything I write:

I had tied down the wheel, 
Stepped away to the rail, 
Closed my eyes and listened, 
To the sound of the Storm.

She was always there before, 
Beacon of light, 
Shattering the darkness that hugged the waves, 
Like frost on the leaves in Autumn.

I hadn’t seen her light for what seemed like Ages,
Trusting that, perhaps the rocks were far below the surface,
No danger to worry about,
I allowed my heart to wander.

But, My heart has never belonged to me, 
I have given it away countless times,
And everyone has returned it battered and broken,
Until, She found it.

She took it in her strong hands, 
Set it next to hers,
Left it there, 
And since that day it has been hers.

But when the Storm roared it’s fury from all sides,
When the rigging snapped, yards broke,
When the mast shattered with ear splitting thunder, 
She returned it.

With a force of will,
That has only ever been capable in her hands,
She plunged it deep within my chest.
With a single breath and a solitary tear,
She set it on fire.

Burning away the darkness,
Light finding it’s way to every corner of my mind,
Destroying every shadow of doubt,
Removing every hint of confusion.

And then I understood.

The Beacon I so longed to see,
Was never on any distant shoreline,
Never stood against a steel gray sky on the horizon.
Never loomed over boiling seas.

It was standing next to me, 
On the very same deck I stood upon.
My life has always been awash in her light, 
From the very day I was born.

May I never live to see a day, when it isn’t.

I LOVE YOU.


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## NURSE51 (Sep 22, 2011)

Lovely, lovely poem! I bet that it becomes one of the most treasured items she keeps. Best of luck and may the angels smile on you both.


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## hopelessdenialpain (Sep 24, 2011)

I agree with your earlier post "when you let go of things that symbolize you commitments, you are most vulnerable to temptation." 

You wrote a beautiful poem. I am praying for the best outcome for your family!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

St. George - I'm a life long boater - I spend every spare moment I can find on the water - I get it. 

Glad you're doing well.


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## StGeorge (Sep 12, 2011)

So tomorrow, I'll be starting month 3 since I broke off my EA and got out of it before I got caught.

I've been working pretty hard at making my wife feel like she is the only woman on the planet. I still am planning on outlining some of the things I've done so far and most of the things that I have learned about why the EA took place in the first place. 

A couple of nights ago, my wife hugged me, with tears in her eyes she said, "I'm so happy. I haven't been this happy in I don't know how long. You're my hero." 

I can't get over the fact of what a tremendous feeling of happiness that is, and what an unbelievable kick to the stomach it feels like. 

Most of all because I don't really feel like I hero. I guess most waywards immediately think that the other person in the marriage was to blame for the EA. Filling the void with something they couldn't give us. But I have always thought from the beginning, "What if the whole thing was my fault."

I'm happy to say I'm putting things back where they belong, but the complete explosion of progress and responsiveness from my wife always reminds me that maybe my theory was right.

It was all my fault. 

I don't know, and finding out the real answer isn't going to change the fact that by some miracle I found my way back home and am making it work for the first time in a long time.

I guess only time is going to show me what was always possible for me to have, I was just looking in the wrong place because it was easier.


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