# A Gift Really ????????



## Clair DeVore (Apr 23, 2015)

I have severe Mother-In-Law troubles, so severe I have filed for divorce and have posted on this site for outside opinions.

My husband told me that his mother is really trying and that she had no idea she was the source of tension in our marriage (excuse me as my eyes roll). David told me to act surprised when she gives me a gift.

So her version of trying to apologize was to buy me a gift. She chose to buy me an ashtray. I DON'T smoke !!! Nor do people smoke in my house.

Sarcasm on her part I think as she smokes. 

I don't know how to take this from the Mother-In-Law. Please help me figure this out. I'm not good at sarcasm, so feel free to offer suggestions.


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## lglyn1 (Jun 10, 2015)

I feel your pain. My mother in law lives with my husband and I and has for 10 years. I can no longer stand to be in the same room and completely ignore her unless she says something to me. We now live in different cities because of employment issues and she stays with him and I see her when I go see him. I love not having to see her face all the time.

What is really bad is that she is a nice person. She never interfered with discussions or fights but we never had privacy anymore.

My mother in law is so lazy she won't even use her brain. We lived an area that the highway to and from our city was a safety corridor and requires you to drive with your headlights on. There are signs posted everywhere that say "Turn on headlights. Daylight headlight section." She followed me somewhere and I noticed she didn't have her headlights on. When we got to our destination, I asked her. She said she didn't know what the signs meant! Hello--turn on headlights?

The privacy is a HUGE loss. You can't fight, have sex, makeout or anything else without her constantly being in your face! If you take a vacation, go to a move or out to eat, you feel you should take her with you. Any major decisions between you and your husband now have to be cleared by her since she lives with you now! You didn't marry her, you married him. Even kids move out after the age of 18.

I say, if he can't choose you over her, you are better off without him. Visiting is okay but living with you, no way. If she is incompetent, she should be in a home where she can have 24 hour care. If not, she should be in her own home and live her own life.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Clair DeVore said:


> I have severe Mother-In-Law troubles, so severe I have filed for divorce and have posted on this site for outside opinions.
> 
> My husband told me that his mother is really trying and that she had no idea she was the source of tension in our marriage (excuse me as my eyes roll). David told me to act surprised when she gives me a gift.
> 
> ...


Sounds like a gift for her. 

When she comes over again put it at the center of your table but filled with dirt and put a plant in it!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

"My! What a lovely candy dish!"


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## lglyn1 (Jun 10, 2015)

Clair DeVore said:


> So her version of trying to apologize was to buy me a gift. She chose to buy me an ashtray. I DON'T smoke !!!


She is not trying to make amends. She is throwing her superior position with you husband in your face! The ashtray is for her to use in your house when she comes by.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Unbelievable. 

What did your husband say about it? 

If he thinks that you should be appreciative for that, I think I don't blame you for filing for divorce. They should put her picture in the dictionary under Passive Aggressive.

Mother-in-laws are notoriously problematic, but they are not ALL like that. I have plenty of my own marital issues, but my mother-in-law is a gem. She has her quirks, of course, but never imposes or inserts herself in our lives. When she's had medical issues we offered that she stay with us but she would not. She probably didn't want to deal with us invading her privacy, but she also didn't want to be a burden. I feel for you.


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## NewLife2017 (Aug 16, 2014)

Wrap it up & re-gift it. When is her birthday?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

NewLife2017 said:


> Wrap it up & re-gift it. When is her birthday?


You're a genius.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

When your STBXMIL and STBXH are there, take the ash tray, go to the front door and throw it out. Then tell her to get out of your house. Then tell STBXH to get his head out of mommy dearest's ass. That gift was a big fvck you to you.

IamSomebody


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## Clair DeVore (Apr 23, 2015)

Oh boy, there's more...tonight he tells me the ash tray has a skull and crossbones on it. I'm a real girly girly girl , just what I've always wanted.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

And you are remaining married to this mommy's boy because ????


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You've filed for divorce... hence, it's not going to be your problem soon. This makes no sense at all. If you have actually filed for divorce, why do you care what gifts she buys you?

She hands you the ashtray, you walk over to the bin and throw it in while she's watching. Easy.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

The sad thing is.. there is not really much we can do when another hates us.. all we CAN DO is try our best to NOT BE LIKE THEM...

Hard as it is (I understand the need to VENT!)... Try to keep it in perspective.. I don't know what has happened in your Mother in Law's life.. but she is a *very bitter woman*.. .you are likely one of many she treats badly ... am I right ??

If your soon to be Ex can not see how 'dreadful' this so called gift really is..just the idea of having to argue this.. seems crazy to me!... Soon they will both be out of your life.. so move on.. learn from their behavior how NOT TO BE... and find a better life for yourself..

We can't change how people are.. only our reactions to them.. or the energy we allow to take us down.. it's just not worth it.. Look to your friends/ family who is there for you... I'd probably give the gift to your soon to be Ex... since he'll be the one Mother will be visiting with cigarettes in hand.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

My MIL was a peach.

My foster mother was the dingbat from hell.

I am a great MIL....I don't call, write, or bother my grown kids except to send money. We all live in separate states.

I do make smart a$$ comments on their Facebook pages..... and their friends love me LOL.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Spot on with the passive aggressive. What I don't understand, is why is your husband talking to you about a gift that his mother is going to be giving you? Does he not know that you have filed for divorce? Why is he telling you in advance as if you're some kind of a team working together? 

Does your mother-in-law know that you are divorcing? is she giving you a gift as a pretend apology for something that she has done? Or does she know that you are divorcing, and this is a F you gift? 

unwrap it, and without looking angry, or screwing your face up, throw it in the bin. This says "you have no power over me, your insults don't affect me, you're pathetic" in passive aggressive language.

Have fun


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## Clair DeVore (Apr 23, 2015)

Iglyn1: You figured this one out for me "her superior position", that's exactly it. She has never been to my house (8 miles was too far, my blessing).

IamSomebody: I love it "Then tell STBXH to get his head out of mommy dearest's ass." You're correct about the gift being a fvck you to me.

Prodigal: I have filed for divorce, it will take about three months.

SimplyAmorous: You're correct she is a very bitter woman. She has had a miserable life (self inflicted I'm sure), and yes she treats many people badly (two other Daughter-In-Laws's included). DH does see the ashtray as inappropriate, but has asked me to be nice to her about it as she was trying to apologize.

Gonecrazy: Yes DH and his mother both know about my divorce plans. DH does not want divorced. In his mother's mean spirit I'm sure it is a pretend apology and a F you gift.

To help you kind folks understand DH toward his mother here is the short story. DH was in prison, mother did all a good mother could for him, his father died during incarceration, mom bought a house for them to live together after release from prison, DH sharing his life with another woman except her was not part of her master plan.

David my DH is a kind, gentle, soft spoken soul, great loyalty and obligation to his mother for how good she was to him during incarceration (and she was). He wants to remain married, just wants the three of us to get along. He agrees his mother has issues, does not like them either, but will not turn his back on her. I choose to step aside.

Life lesson learned: Don't get involved with another man unless the only time visiting mother means the cemetery.


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## Bob Davis (Nov 5, 2014)

Clair DeVore said:


> "Don't get involved with another man unless the only time visiting mother means the cemetery."


Hilarious!!


>


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

My take on the gift is your MIL saying "I smoked your ars..you lose"

Regardless how nice your husband is and how much of a mommas boy he is I can't believe anyone would think the gift is anything more than an insult. You will have a better life without them in it.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Clair DeVore said:


> I have severe Mother-In-Law troubles, so severe I have filed for divorce and have posted on this site for outside opinions.
> 
> My husband told me that his mother is really trying and that she had no idea she was the source of tension in our marriage (excuse me as my eyes roll). David told me to act surprised when she gives me a gift.
> 
> ...


Meh...say thanks for the petridish but you left you sample at the doctors. 

Re-gift it back to her. :grin2:


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Clair DeVore said:


> DH does see the ashtray as inappropriate, but has asked me to be nice to her about it as she was trying to apologize.


:rofl: No she wasn't. 

Until he can see that, he's doomed.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Most in law issues are actually spouse issues.


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## lglyn1 (Jun 10, 2015)

Clair DeVore said:


> David my DH is a kind, gentle, soft spoken soul, great loyalty and obligation to his mother for how good she was to him during incarceration (and she was). He wants to remain married, just wants the three of us to get along.


Unfortunately, this proves that he will always choose his mother over his wife and he will never find happiness with another woman until his mother is in the cemetery.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Cooper said:


> My take on the gift is your MIL saying "I smoked your ars..you lose"


That's EXACTLY what she was saying with that "gift".

What an old b!tch. Sounds like my MIL. Lol.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

I would glue a photo of her face inside in the bottom of it.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

NewLife2017 said:


> Wrap it up & re-gift it. When is her birthday?


BOOM

Drop the MIC!

This is what you do!

or better - wrap it up with the divorce papers and give it to your husband. Tell him to be nice and appreciate that!


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## Clair DeVore (Apr 23, 2015)

snerg said:


> BOOM
> 
> Drop the MIC!
> 
> ...


I like this idea, it's a plan :grin2:


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

lglyn1 said:


> Unfortunately, this proves that he will always choose his mother over his wife and he will never find happiness with another woman until his mother is in the cemetery.


He is married to mommy dearest, you are just his booty call. Glad you are dumping his sorry a$$.

IamSomebody


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