# Caught masturbating



## advise (Aug 23, 2010)

Hi all,

Question for the ladies.

About a month ago my wife walked in while I was masturbating in the shower. When she saw what I was doing she said sorry to interrupt and left the bathroom. We are a very open couple so we are not scared of doing this together and she knows that I have a higher sex drive and take matters into my own hands on a regular basis. What worries me is that she just left the room. I was kind of upset that she didn't see that I was in a sexual mood and at least offer to help. Am I wrong for these feelings. What would you do in a similar situation?

Another thing is that lately she has looked bored with sex. I asked her why the lack of enthusiasm and she states that she is so tired from kids, work etc. I get that and don't complain. The problem is that on many nights she wants to watch tv or read books until its too late to have good sex and we end up having more maintenance type sex. Last weekend, she was up till late reading in bed and I got up and told her I was going downstairs to check on "something". I went downstairs to get myself off and she was aware by my strong hinting. This was my little sexual rebellion I guess. I wanted to send a message that If she is going to be a boring log in bed I am going to take care of business myself. American Beauty Movie style Again, she never thought "Hmm, my husband is getting off and I'm just sitting here reading." 

Would any of you come down to "help out?" Would you be offended if your husband was obviously masturbating when you were around, but unwilling?

Please let me know if this is normal on either of our parts. Thanks.


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

I caught my husband masturbating plenty of times and all of those times I walked right out the room. In the beginning it hurt me to know he didnt want to have sex with me, but then again maybe I pushed him away or was too busy with something else (but ummm knowing the history of my husband I think it had to do more with his fantasies that didnt involve me).

I actually told hubby one day to masturbate with me in the room. He is a bit shy on that, dont ask me why he was in his late 20's at the time. But what I did was when he wanted to masturbate and I didnt really want to have sex, I would straddle him naked with my lady parts close to his penis and motion like we were having sex while he jerked off. I have to say though it made me want to have sex after he finished himself.

Maybe ask your wife to just lie naked while she reading her book or whatever and you can just look at her while you masturbating, that might get her in the mood.

But Im pretty sure she is thinking some kind of way about your masturbation. have you tried touching her while she reading her book, whisper in her ear, kiss her stomach..something to get her aroused. maybe offer to massage her back and shoulders while she reads, a way to her some of her clothes off and while your massaging her you can softly kiss her, then close the book....


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## advise (Aug 23, 2010)

Thanks for the reply. 

Do you think if you were not in the mood for sex but knew that your husband was in the other room taking care of business you would help him out or just ignore it?

I am curious because there have been occasions where I was not in the mood but if my wife was. I was all for helping her out. If I caught her in the act I would probably have been turned on and offered to help. If she said no, I would have no problem, but I would at least ask.

There have been many times over the years that I am in the mood and she was not. I would normally end up masturbating while she has a hand on my leg or something lazy like that. Now I am just sick of that so I have decided to leave the room but let her know what I was doing. I guess in someway I wanted it to hurt her some but she appears unaffected.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I think there's more going on than just a lack of interest in sex for her. For me, whenever we are able to be together (he's a truck driver, and if he's on the road...), I am always willing, so in those instances, yes, I would be very upset if he chose to DIY it instead of coming to me. But when we are physically apart, if one or the other of us is in the mood, we don't have any other options (aside from cheating, which we won't do), and so in those instances, of if I were unwilling while he was here, no I wouldn't be upset or offended. We all have needs. And if he were here, and I was not in the mood, I would certainly be willing to do something to help him out. 

The fact that she is not willing, and doesn't seem to think anything of the fact that you are doing this tells me that there is more to this than just a lack of interest in sex. Instead of the passive aggressive approach you seem to have taken thus far, sit down and talk to her and just come right out and ask her what's up here. Explain how she seems bored, uninterested, point out how you've helped her when she's in the mood and you aren't, and you're wondering why she's not reciprocating when the shoe's on the other foot.


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## advise (Aug 23, 2010)

Thanks Truckers Girl.

I'm afraid that there is something else too. The only problem with sitting down and talking about it is that I sit her down to talk about it all the time. I don't want to be a nag and she gets upset when I bring up sex too much. She says she feels like she is being judged for being a bad lay or that she is being given an ultimatum such as "do this or else". She knows that I am much more adventurous and experienced. She knows my drive is also higher (not by an unreasonable amount by most standards.) She just doesn't seem to care. She says she is mostly satisfied with our sex life. If she could change anything she would have more time, energy, etc. (But when we do have time she reads a book or suggests that we watch a movie instead.) I get upset because I am willing to do anything sexually with her and would not be content unless I knew she was satisfied. There is no fantasy that I would not carry out for her, no toy I won't buy for her, no sexual request I would back down from, etc. 

Does anyone think I should continue my passive aggressive alone time? Wouldn't most women feel that they need to step up their game if this is happening. Would it cross your mind that this is what can drive a husband/wife to an affair?


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

is she on BC?

How long have you two been married? How many kids do you have? 

I know for me I hated having sex in the house with kids. Have you ever planned a day or weekend where its just the two of you? Go rent a cabin or a hotel for a weekend. One of the things I realized in my marriage was the environment of being home was very difficult to get in the mood. 

When you talk with her did you ask if she was still attracted to you?


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

In some ways there is a fundamental discontect with many men and women. Many women enjoy sex but, don't need it the way man do. Again there are situations were it is the oher way around so excuse my generalizations. 

It would be great if your wife were more like you or men in general and her finding you Jerking off would result in a little "oh honey let me give you a little hand (or mouth, vajina) with that..(ha ha). 

It sounds like there may be somthing else going on. She may be bored, tired or perhaps resentful of tomething that she is tired of bringing up to you. 

My wife gets bored of the waiting till we get to be then expecting to get some. If you have not tried already try to mix it up. Try and take her in the kitchen, bathroom, ect. 

I would think if she cared she would react differently to your basically saying in code "going to J/O". Sounds like she could give a F.... Has she lost interest in pleasing you in other ways? 






Sometimes my wife feels like everyone needs her. Me the kids, etc and this can be overwhelming.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

You might have to change tactics a bit. If she isn't into sex, then you going and doing it yourself will probably be a relief to her, because then she doesn't have to do it. It is not going to hurt her at all.

Sitting down and talking about it (again) would be more productive. Maybe sort out beforehand what you want to find out from her and then bring it up in a conversation. Be very specific in your conversation and find out what what her needs are, if any.


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## Kitty's Affair (Aug 17, 2010)

Masturbation is not a crime. I wouldn't make such a big deal out of this.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

76Trombones said:


> and doing it yourself will probably be a relief to her, because then she doesn't have to do it.


this is what I was thinking. You masturbating just means she doesn't have to lay there "like a log" while you get off. 

it just sounds like she isn't interested in sex (or at least not what you are providing) and may be happy with you taking care of business yourself.

Maybe she's sitting there reading late into the night waiting for you to make a move.

You really have to discuss this with her and not in a manner that it will be all about you having sex. Sex (and not the masturbating kind of sex) in an integral part of a good marriage.


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## Sixgunner (Mar 5, 2008)

You should have told her you were not masturbating, just beating it cause it owed you money. :rofl:


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## Zammo (Aug 9, 2010)

First of all, you were not "caught" because you were doing something that gives you pleasure.

If the sex between you and your wife is getting boring, you need to take the lead to make it more interesting. If doesn't follow along, then it's a problem. Your sexual needs are just as important as any of her needs.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Sixgunner: LMAO @ your reply! That made me crack up out loud right there, haha


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## marga88 (Jun 17, 2010)

Well sometimes guys do that for the sake of passing out, but in your case I think you just need to stimulate your wife's sexual drive further to activate her sexual libidos.









Have a guide telling you everything about Seduction.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Withholding something from your partner is passive-agressive behavior. She may be resentful of you for something. Think hard about why she might be mad at you. A woman who loves her husband will want to keep him happy. 

I used to use oil on him when I was not in the mood, and I'd always get turned on as he got more and more excited, but I never told him. Sometimes when I was on my period it did not seem worth the hassle.

She can use oil on you, watch you, let you lie next to her and touch her while you do yourself - she can be involved to just present.

She does not even want to be present, and that is a problem. Get some marriage counseling and find out what is going on!!!


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## Sadara (Jul 27, 2010)

Let me tell you about my story with my husband and his masturbating. From the very beginning of our marriage, I have caught him from time to time masturbating. Some times I accidentally walk in on him. Some times I know he's doing it and purposely interrupt him. You see, I have this belief that if you have a wife you should be having sex with your wife, not sulking off to another room to jack off and watch porn. I was always offended and upset. ALWAYS. Ultimately, his jacking off was such a turn off to me I ended up avoiding sex with him all together. He NEVER in nearly 7 years of marriage approached me for sex. Sex was always initiated by me. He would complain he wasn't getting enough, but he wouldn't initiate it. But, we ended up in this vicious circle. He had no blooming idea how to initiate sex, so he would just jack off instead, I would get offended and in turn not want to have sex with him. His jacking off also did a LOT to destroy my confidence in myself. My translation to his jacking off was that I wasn't attractive enough or good enough in bed for him. I know all are untrue, the problem wasn't with me, it was with him not initiating sex. Since his affair and a load of other things, he is figuring out that I am quite receptive to him initiating sex and we are in a much better place now.

Oh and when I did catch him jacking off I always walked out of the room, I never helped him out.... maybe helped him out in loosing his erection... 

At any rate, there is probably an underlying issue going on that you need to figure out. Who knows what that is, but you'll have to figure it out. Her issue preventing her from wanting to have sex with you could very likely be unrelated to sex all together.

Good Luck!!


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## mommyof31982 (Sep 6, 2010)

Being overwhelmed with kids etc can be a serious sex drive killer, maybe relieving some chores to give her time to wind down or doing somethin special to remind her she is still sexy..IDK
(currently dealing with myself)
I have walked in on my husband twice recently and I gotta admit..its left me more than a little peeved.


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