# Porn reminds me of being a frustrated teen



## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

I can't believe some of the posts I read here about women throwing themselves at their husbands who would rather jerk off to porn.

I discovered porn at an early age and use it between relationships. It's a poor substitute for sex.

I have never used porn in a relationship unless the woman wanted to. Jerking off looking at porn reminds me of when I was a frustrated teen desperate to lose my virginity.

Why would a man use porn if his wife wants him (I can totally understand if she is LD, but so many women post about men choosing porn over their horny wives)?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ntamph said:


> I can't believe some of the posts I read here about women throwing themselves at their husbands who would rather jerk off to porn.
> 
> I discovered porn at an early age and use it between relationships. It's a poor substitute for sex.
> 
> ...


Was the fantasy about the acts of the pornstar


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I believe the majority are lazy husbands who find it quicker and easier to jerk off in front of the computer.

No foreplay, no kissing, no cuddling, no pleasing anyone but yourself.

What i find so appalling is the total lack of care or regard to how lonely and rejected the other spouse feels...this goes for any spouse in a low sex or sexless marriage.


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

I agree completely. I'm dumbfounded by people who do that, or say sex gets "stale"

Can't wrap my head around it at all.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I am one of those woman who has a husband who would rather jerk off to a computer... Then he lies about it.


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## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

ladybird said:


> I am one of those woman who has a husband who would rather jerk off to a computer... Then he lies about it.


I'm so sorry ladybird. He doesn't know what he has.


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## Chore (Jul 15, 2013)

waiwera said:


> I believe the majority are lazy husbands who find it quicker and easier to jerk off in front of the computer.
> 
> No foreplay, no kissing, no cuddling, no pleasing anyone but yourself.
> 
> What i find so appalling is the total lack of care or regard to how lonely and rejected the other spouse feels...this goes for any spouse in a low sex or sexless marriage.


You expressed exactly how I feel - thank you. It does me a world of good to think that at least one person in the world understands.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I don't get it either, i really don't.. I think it has to do with more so of an addictive personality. then anything else and they need more and more and more and eventually they can't have sex with a woman, and well you get it... 

If I had a choice I would take sex over masterbation any day of the week, anytime anywhere. I am dealing with this crap right now and it is very hurtful. I think my husband and have come to the end of the line or at least I have. 

I have a thread about it, it isn't the entire story

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/108713-just-done.html


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I think me watching porn at this point would just piss me off even more though. .


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

ntamph said:


> Why would a man use porn if his wife wants him (I can totally understand if she is LD, but so many women post about men choosing porn over their horny wives)?



To answer your question, there are two possible answers:

1. His wife is no longer attractive to him;

2. or, the porn depicts sex acts that his wife can't or won't do in real life (such as gay sex, bdsm, or whatever)


Since my wife and I enjoy porn together, fortunately this simply isn't an issue in our home.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I keep hearing the idea that if you are in a LD marriage then it is sort of okay to use porn...

My opinion is that using porn is only going to get you less sex and make you feel more frustrated with your situation.

It's not a solution - it's not even a bandaid... It's more like if someone constantly picked at a wound. It's not going to get better that way.

I am not saying that I have a solution... There are HD / Ld relationships on both sides of the aisle...

But to not face the issue with all of your energy is a cop out. If nothing else push would come to shove and maybe you would end this relationship which is not satisfying you. Or maybe the other person would change. Or maybe you would change. Maybe there would be a resonable compromise. 

Like I said - I don't have a solution to the issue of sexual incompatability - I just think that porn adds to the problem.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

The answer lies in dopamine.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Some men just aren't that sexual. So for those men, porn is better than sex, because porn is a passive activity suited better for not-so-sexual men.

It requires taking risk and effort to actually have partnered sex, and if a man would prefer porn over this, he just isn't that sexual.

I don't think dopamine is necessarily the answer because sex causes dopamine to rise as much as porn does, if a person is actually sexual enough to have good partnered sex.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Dopamine and oxytocin are released during partnered sex. The skin is the largest sex organ and when caressed triggers a flood of feel good oxytocin into the blood. Bonus for partnered sex!


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

It's only a poor substitute for sex if you are lucky enough to find a woman to have sex with. Otherwise, for thousands, if not millions of lonely men, it's all they have. Until you've been there, not had a sex partner for years or even decades, don't be so f*cking smug about it being a poor second choice. For many men, easily available internet porn is a godsend.


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## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

Mr B said:


> It's only a poor substitute for sex if you are lucky enough to find a woman to have sex with. Otherwise, for thousands, if not millions of lonely men, it's all they have. Until you've been there, not had a sex partner for years or even decades, don't be so f*cking smug about it being a poor second choice. For many men, easily available internet porn is a godsend.


If you had read my post you would have noticed that I was specifically referring to situations where the man has a willing partner. No need to drop f bombs.


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## russi (Jul 30, 2013)

In relation to the dopamine topic, I thought maybe I'd throw in my two cents.

If I remember correctly, testosterone is released during intercourse. I read once a long time ago that the longer you are with one person, the amount of testosterone released decreases. Just talking to another woman (or man, depending on your orientation I'm thinking) will cause the testosterone to release at a higher rate. If this is true, perhaps seeing another person having intercourse causes the same reaction, and a male may start instinctively gravitating towards that outlet to get that boost in T? Just a thought.


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## Monarch (Dec 5, 2012)

I'd offer another reason: variety. I'm not saying it's right, but it is what it is.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My comment was only toward ntamph's original post too, wherein the man in question has a willing partner.

For single men, porn is whatever it is to them...good, bad, whatever, it is their choice.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

ntamph said:


> I can't believe some of the posts I read here about women throwing themselves at their husbands who would rather jerk off to porn.
> 
> I discovered porn at an early age and use it between relationships. It's a poor substitute for sex.
> 
> ...


You are taking an issue of masturbation and turning it into a strictly porn issue. I see no difference between fantasizing and yanking one off vs. looking at porn and doing the same thing. 

The projection of your own "desperation" as a teen is just silly shaming. Really? You were "desperate"? I certainly wasn't, and I doubt that is an insecurity that is a rule for teens. Projecting your own insecurities onto others here. Seems to me it is not desperation, but rather that it is easier, has an element of fresh variety to it, and you have complete control over the exercise. 

I have empathy for the women who are shut out sexually by men who displace them with masturbation, sure. I think we need to be accurate in our assessments though.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Mr B said:


> It's only a poor substitute for sex if you are lucky enough to find a woman to have sex with. Otherwise, for thousands, if not millions of lonely men, it's all they have. Until you've been there, not had a sex partner for years or even decades, don't be so f*cking smug about it being a poor second choice. For many men, easily available internet porn is a godsend.


Bulls**t...

I have been there.

A godsend is God sending that particular porn actress right to your door and all she wants is to shag your brains out. (And she doesn't have any diseases you might die from)

MB to that porn actress is ..... well... it's certainly not a godsend...


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## herblackwings (May 16, 2013)

ntamph said:


> I can't believe some of the posts I read here about women throwing themselves at their husbands who would rather jerk off to porn.
> 
> I discovered porn at an early age and use it between relationships. It's a poor substitute for sex.
> 
> ...




Things got boring after 10 years. Yeah porn isn't flesh and blood but its always different, fresh, easy, and you get the same end result. I'm one of these guys. I've read how active some
Of the women on here are - perhaps if my wife had a fraction of their imagination/comfidence/drive I'd feel different. Until then ill prefer porn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

waiwera said:


> I believe the majority are lazy husbands who find it quicker and easier to jerk off in front of the computer.
> 
> No foreplay, no kissing, no cuddling, no pleasing anyone but yourself.
> 
> What i find so appalling is the total lack of care or regard to how lonely and rejected the other spouse feels...this goes for any spouse in a low sex or sexless marriage.


This was never the case for me. Some guys spend a lot of time bettering themselves and doing all of the foreplay, kissing, etc. Their wives just don't want sex very often, even though when they have it they almost always have a great orgasm and are very satisfied. For me, it was totally a mismatched libido issue. Porn was supplemental (and a poor substitute, let me tell you). If your spouse only wanted to eat food once a week, I'll bet you would supplement, too. Would you be considered lazy for eating on your spouse's "off days" if you always had a great meal with your spouse on the one day he/she ate (and even put the effort in to cook the meal on that one day?). 

Sometimes it is laziness. But not for me. If anything, it takes more effort trying to improve yourself and your marriage relationship in all areas so that the LD spouse will want to eat more than once a week . An HD woman married to an HD man will have no clue what this is like and can easily assume it is the other spouse's fault (they are lazy, not taking care of things, jerks, non-romantics, etc.)

Sometimes most of the fault should be placed squarely on the LD spouse. What I've seen is this: The spouse with the lowest sex drive often controls the relationship. It might be more about power and control than anything else.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

sparkyjim said:


> Bulls**t...
> 
> I have been there.
> 
> ...


What are you talking about? When you are starving you don't refuse to eat until somebody puts a steak in front of you. Porn is better than nothing at all. At least for a few minutes you can forget the loneliness and enjoy a fantasy.


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