# Spinoff..... oral...men....??



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Partial response to 50 Shades of Grey, and a question....Yes the woman in the book is a "slave" that actually is a fantasy of many women (not rape) but to be tied up nicely or have a highly attractive capture, etc. (I haven't read the book, but have read many reviews to decide whether to bother purchasing)... back to the original topic of Bj's... The whole thread made me up my own giving to my dh (and some reading of articles on askmen.com as well as his persistance in the past to ask for them, I have never liked the full oral job, and in the past only used it as foreplay, I had only done it a couple times and found the taste to be repulsive).... anyway I decided that regardless, he is my husband and I should bite the bullet so to speak, and try again, and that I want him to be happy... especially after reading all the posts on here about cheating and having my own insecurities, I do not want him seeking fulfillment elsewhere....So I dove in  his response was weird.. like where did this come from....I told him, I want to reconnect sexually and I know that there are things he has asked for, and I would like to do them. (He says I am good at it, that is because I have read so much!) 
I don't want him to feel neglected, and since he quit a bad habit, he tasted better. It's never been something I have been into, but this time it kinda turned me on, since the bad taste was gone. So I did it again a couple days later... and he seemed weirded out by it.... then I went to do it as foreplay the other night and he goes, I am good.... really? WTF! He says I didn't mean for you to do it all the time... I said I am not... he goes down on me almost all the time (I have almost always used it as foreplay)... I think he forgot how to touch and sometimes I have to request to be touched....... anyway... still on the struggling end here to find a happy balance... input from the men would be nice. Is it rude to express when we are in the midst of things, honey, I plan to do this, or honey, I would love for you to do this? Help me out here!! I am changing and apparently it has thrown him through a loop... also I have found my drive increasing as well in the last several months... (which in the past has been an issue for us).... Sorry so long and thanks in advance.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i prefer if the woman want me to do something or change up how i do something to let me know, even if we're in the middle of it.
i am trying to please her, so let me know.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

My initial thought - he's concerned you are doing it out of duty and not passion.

Kind of a double edged sword. Yes - we want it - but we really also want you to enjoy doing it.

Give it time and don't give up easily.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Is it a very abrupt change? If so, go slower. You mentioned that you motive was to prevent straying, that may come off duty bj and not loving bj to make him happy. 

If you had no fear of his cheating, would you still give him? Clear your mind of fear. No bj, no matter how skilled, will prevent a person from cheating. So don't bother if that is your motivation. 

A genuine desire to please and love your partner the way they need to feel loved will bring you closer emotionally. That may go a long way towards focusing on keeping a satisfying relationship going strong. 

Why not rethink this. Come at it by focusing on giving your husband out of love. Go slow and pay attention to his body language and comfort level. Don't proceed until he is ready. Right now your enthusiasm has no context for him. It does for you but you have not sufficiently clued him in. That is a problem, no? If you have ignored his needs until now it is no surprise that he is taken aback. 

Start off with communication and emotionally connecting with him not just physically giving him what you think he wants. It appears that when he was asking for bj, he was asking for an emotional investment from you not just a physical act. That may be why he is not accepting. He may not be getting what he really wants. 

Does that ring true? Can you get in touch with how much you love and appreciate your husband? Can you give him a bj out of those feelings? 

Tell him you want him to relax and just enjoy with no thought of anything. Tell him "it is all about you, just relax and enjoy". 

How many men get to do that in partnered sex, if they are good lovers? It is nice for him to just enjoy with the woman he loves, don't you think? That is probably much of the appeal of bj. 

Men have to control to be good lovers. A woman who understands and appreciates that he has learned to control his pace to match her needs is a plus in his life. 

You can't show your appreciation in a more loving way. A bj is not demeaning, disgusting or self-centered if you see what it really is.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

If you want me to do something different or in a different way, PLEASE tell me.
You can stop me in the middle and change my direction, I will do whatever it takes to make my wife have the best experience ever.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What do you mean DanF?


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

For me, if we haven't done anything for a couple days, oral is awesome... I mean, -I'm ready to cry as I'm completing- it's so intense. If we are making love frequently, then it's nice as foreplay, but the feelings aren't as intense. After 3 nights of sex, I honestly could do without it..... Until it's been a couple days, then I'm daydreaming and fantasizing about it again!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Is it rude to express when we are in the midst of things, honey, I plan to do this, or honey, I would love for you to do this? Help me out here!!


It does depends on the couple, so in your case your husband has to be receptive to your requests. Personally I'd LOVE it if my wife was more outspoken about what she wants.

I'd do just about anything for her, even things I don't really like (provided there wasn't anything like a 3rd person involved and it didn't cause me serious pain).

So my advice is simple: talk to your husband in advance.

Perhaps another approach would be to ask him for a "ladies night", where you got to call the shots. Who knows, maybe you two will have one of the greatest times of your lives. Stranger things have happened.  Just make sure you know where his boundaries are in advance.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Thanks guys. I talked to him. It was that he thought I was doing it out of obligation. I hadn't communicated my newfound enjoyment out of it. Duh! So...however he did say as you guys did there needs to be a balance and just o talk to him more about what I want as he certainly is not affraid to tell what e wants lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

That's great news!! "Cheers!!!"


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Thanks Gaia. Oh nd he finally did accept my pong request and today while he was out with our son, he stopped at the store and got me a cup of my favorite coffee, he knew I was having a headache...I do consider that a romantic gesture, shows he was thinking about me. So things are looking up all the way around! Everyone is so right communication is key, I think my biggest issue is getting over being reserved on some communications
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Thanks Gaia. Oh nd he finally did accept my pong request and today while he was out with our son, he stopped at the store and got me a cup of my favorite coffee, he knew I was having a headache...I do consider that a romantic gesture, shows he was thinking about me. So things are looking up all the way around! Everyone is so right communication is key, I think my biggest issue is getting over being reserved on some communications
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thats great to hear!! Hubby and I did one just last night.... of course it was a request one in which... his request.. lol... Well it had to do with something very intimate lol.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I am so glad it is working out for you both. The very best to you.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

humanbecoming said:


> For me, if we haven't done anything for a couple days, oral is awesome... I mean, -I'm ready to cry as I'm completing- it's so intense. If we are making love frequently, then it's nice as foreplay, but the feelings aren't as intense. After 3 nights of sex, I honestly could do without it..... Until it's been a couple days, then I'm daydreaming and fantasizing about it again!


:lol::lol::lol:


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## Nicbrownn80 (Mar 20, 2011)

No, I think it's very hot when my wife says I want THIS tonight or THAT now. Or, I will do THIS with you tonight.

Or just simply pulls me into bed.

We were joking around saying we should have a month of ONLY oral sex and see how long it takes for us to miss normal sex. I found it very exciting  .


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I love this thread. Thanks for posting. Gives me hope.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> My initial thought - he's concerned you are doing it out of duty and not passion.
> 
> Kind of a double edged sword. Yes - we want it - but we really also want you to enjoy doing it.
> 
> Give it time and don't give up easily.


This is very well stated and probably the truth.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Thanks guys. I talked to him. It was that he thought I was doing it out of obligation. I hadn't communicated my newfound enjoyment out of it. Duh! So...however he did say as you guys did there needs to be a balance and just o talk to him more about what I want as he certainly is not affraid to tell what e wants lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ahhh...I should have read more before posting.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

It's all good 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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