# Other Side of Lie Detector



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Often the advice given to a wayward spouse is to ask them to take a polygraph to show that they aren't cheating. That they often admit to what they did prior to actually doing the polygraph. That polygraphs aren't 100% accurate, but the threat of them can often get the truth out of them.

I have agreed with this advice in the past. Not so anymore.

My wife and I have been together for about 30 years. If you read some of my story, you may find some of this history, but I will repeat it here quickly.

- Started dating in College
- I slept with an old girlfriend when we had been dating for a month and a half. 
- My wife thinks that I cheated on her at college with a couple of other girls. I didn't.
- About 12 years ago, I told my wife about a girl sleeping in my room while away at a conference. It was a small room. My partner was sleeping in the bed next to me. We didn't get un-dressed. We didn't touch each other. We didn't even get under the covers. She slept there because we had been partying (several people) until very late in the night and she didn't want to walk to her room in the middle of the night as it was in a different hotel.
- A couple of years later this same girl followed me back to my room while at another conference. She made it very clear that she wanted to sleep with me, but I turned her down. She had showed me earlier in the evening that she was interested in me and I was avoiding her. She somehow found me. I told my wife about this incident. To make her jealous as we were fighting about lack of intimacy. I know it was stupid to tell her about this.

I admit that I slept with a former girlfriend when we started dating, but I have been faithful for the last thirty years. 

My wife holds a great deal of resentment over these things. She throws them back in my face all the time when fighting. She clearly doesn't believe me and thinks I have cheated on her multiple times over the years. She uses this as an excuse as to why she doesn't have sex with me as much as I would like.

So I have thought about offering to do a Lie Detector test for her. But I am worried about doing it. What if I fail? That would be the end of our marriage!

I do feel a bit guilty about some of these events as I did flirt a bit. But I never had sex with anyone. I never even made out with any of these girls that my wife thinks I slept with.

I remember a thread a bit ago where the guy was making his wife take a lie detector test and he caught his wife googling 'How to pass a lie detector test'. I thought that made her look very guilty.

But now I have googled the same thing. If I take the test, I don't want to do something that will make me fail. Even though I know I have nothing to hide. Just the thought of taking it makes me nervous even though I have nothing to hide.

I used to think that if someone asked their spouse for a lie detector test that their response would show if they were lying. Now that I have thought about taking the test, I totally understand why people might look guilty, even if they are not.

So what do you all think. Should I tell my wife I will take a lie detector test? 

I think no. I could fail and that would be a disaster. If I was to pass, she would just say they aren't reliable and I tricked the test.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

You take the test.

Pass - Wife says tests are unreliable and, by the way, you googled how to pass.

Fail - 'nuf said.

You guys obviously have bigger problems since you're saying things to hurt her and she doesn't trust you.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

And, by the way, the question just won't be "Did you cheat?" There will probably be questions like "Do you flirt with other women?", "Do you fantasize about other women?", "Are you an idiot for taking this test?"


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> You take the test.
> 
> Pass - Wife says tests are unreliable and, by the way, you googled how to pass.
> 
> ...


I admit I have said some stupid things to her over the 30 years we have been together. She has said things to hurt me as well. Not sure if anyone has a marriage of any length where things like this haven't happened. 

Overall, I believe I am a good husband and she is a good wife. When we get along, everything is great. But every few months she gets in a mood where she starts rehashing these things from the past and it is very clear that she has never let it go and still does not believe me.

Our biggest problem is yes, she doesn't trust me. And it is because she believes things that aren't true. I don't know how to get her to stop resenting me for things I haven't done. I have told her the entire story multiple times to try to get her to understand the situations and that I didn't cheat on her.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

If it's every few months, why can't you ride it out? Listen to her, agree that what you did ultimately hurt her, explain you have apologized and learned from your mistake but don't make it a discussion.

The problem with my wife was that whatever argument we had she knew she could take the high moral ground by bringing up my cheating, even if it had absolutely nothing to do with what we were arguing about.

Is all your social media/computer/phone open to her?


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

She doesn't trust you and thinks you cheated on her. There is no way after all of these years are you going to convince her you didn't cheat. Don't take the lie detector test. When she starts her rehashing things from the past, leave the house, don't give her the satisfaction of staying and listening to her rant.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> If it's every few months, why can't you ride it out? Listen to her, agree that what you did ultimately hurt her, explain you have apologized and learned from your mistake but don't make it a discussion.
> 
> The problem with my wife was that whatever argument we had she knew she could take the high moral ground by bringing up my cheating, even if it had absolutely nothing to do with what we were arguing about.
> 
> Is all your social media/computer/phone open to her?


I typically do 'ride it out'. But it is very frustrating. And very bad right at this time. I think it is worse because she is going through menopause. It started a few months back. She hasn't had her period for about 60 days now.

My biggest issue with our relationship is the amount of intimacy we have. I think she doesn't want to believe me, because that is her biggest crutch when trying to justify her lack of interest in sex. 

Yes, she knows all my passwords for everything and I know hers.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Happilymarried25 said:


> She doesn't trust you and thinks you cheated on her. There is no way after all of these years are you going to convince her you didn't cheat. Don't take the lie detector test. When she starts her rehashing things from the past, leave the house, don't give her the satisfaction of staying and listening to her rant.


This is what I have been doing. Then she calls me a coward for always running away from our problems.

Funny thing is that a month or two ago my son was having an issue with his girlfriend. She was being very grumpy. He was talking to my wife about it and my wife said sometimes she gets pretty grumpy and tough to deal with too. My son asked her, "How does dad deal with it?" She said he typically has to just leave and let me get over it.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I think it would only validate her paranoia and making you the bad guy. Like she was right to be so paranoid all these years. I don't think passing would stop it, she'd find another reason, you'd have to take another one every time she was suspicious. Resentment isn't very logical. At some point you are just mad and it doesn't have to have a reason. I lived in resentment-land for many years, I had my reasons but if one was gone I'd just find a new one. Didn't matter what I was mad at, I just was. 

I certainly wouldn't be happy with the hotel stuff but at some point you have to just say enough is enough, either get over it and trust me or don't and if you don't we will divorce. 

You can't keep a spouse punished for things, if you can't move on from them then it's over.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I think it would only validate her paranoia and making you the bad guy. Like she was right to be so paranoid all these years. I don't think passing would stop it, she'd find another reason, you'd have to take another one every time she was suspicious. Resentment isn't very logical. At some point you are just mad and it doesn't have to have a reason. I lived in resentment-land for many years, I had my reasons but if one was gone I'd just find a new one. Didn't matter what I was mad at, I just was.
> 
> I certainly wouldn't be happy with the hotel stuff but at some point you have to just say enough is enough, either get over it and trust me or don't and if you don't we will divorce.
> 
> You can't keep a spouse punished for things, if you can't move on from them then it's over.


I agree. But my only real options are to stay or leave. Not sure what else I can do. 

If I leave, Lose a wife I truly love. I give up half my Assets. Retire later and with less money to spend. And may end up alone for the rest of my days.

If I stay, I have to beg for any intimacy we have. Go through a few months being great and a few months of hell every year.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Of course your wife doesn't believe you. Because the story of the totally-innocent hotel co-sleeping arrangement is just not something that one can reasonably ask their spouse to believe. And of course your wife doesn't trust you. Because you have done things in the past that made you appear pretty untrustworthy. Acting shady causes people to think you're shady. And regardless of the actual truth, you appeared to be_ all _kinds of shady. 

That said, the two of you might benefit from some marriage counseling, if you haven't already done so. You may find that if the two of you can consistently meet each other's primary emotional needs and spend an adequate amount of fun "date-like" time together, that you can fall back into love with one another. At that point, the marriage improves, intimacy improves, trust improves and her resentment fades - which leads to a better marriage, more intimacy, and greater trust. 

Failing that, of course, either you or your wife have the option to call it quits. Sometimes it can take years for one or both parties to realize that reconciling the marriage isn't going to work out. A marital dynamic that includes accusations and mistrust over the long-term isn't healthy for either partner. When you've done all you can, sometimes it's just not worth staying if the trust and emotional connection cannot be rebuilt.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Almost all of my experience with polygraphs was with Army CID. Our polygraphers are gradates from the DOD polygraph institute. If I was innocent and wanted an allegation to go away, I'd take one from one of those examiners. They are very good. Typically, you will be interviewed before their test. You will help write the questions that you will be asked. For guilty people knowing the exact words of the questions they will be asked heightens their level of nervousness and gives a fabulous reading when they deliberately lie. You will read every one of those questions word for word before being hooked to the machine. They will probably conduct a control test to make sure the instrument works well on you. For people who intend to lie, that also heightens their level of nervousness because they see the instrument "knows" when they are lying, even about something absolutely unimportant. 

To weed out the old girlfriend issue, the examiner can ask you, "since you have been married, have you had sexual intercourse with anyone other than your wife?" For the woman at the conference, he can ask "did you have sexual intercourse with Sally Jones?"

If I intended to lie, I wouldn't go near a polygraph. The instruments are great at doing what they do. The work especially well on people who almost always tell the truth. Lying is not natural to such people and their body doesn't like it when they lie. The examiner probably wouldn't even need an instrument to know when very honest people lie. The real difference is in the quality of the examiners. Whether an EKG test has any meaning depends on who's conducting it and reading the results. The most accurate instrument on earth is useless if a chimpanzee is analyzing the results.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

If your wife has not asked you to take the polygraph I would not offer it.

I think it is time for your wife to either get over it or stfu. You can't make her believe you, but at this point she has to come to terms with her issues one way or another. Continuing to batter you with mere suspicions without any evidence is not fair to you, and it is harmful to the marriage.

I agree with your assessment that she is using these things as rationalizations. She doesn't want to have sex so she is digging up some excuse or other. This is something you can't really argue with her about because you don't have any proof you didn't cheat with them.

If she does say she wants a polygraph I would do it. But I would insist that the polygrapher have impeccable credentials so as to minimize the chances of a false positive. Your marriage is at a point where it isn't much of a marriage with this behavior of hers. It is worth the risk imo if there is no other way to get things settled down with her.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Rowan said:


> Of course your wife doesn't believe you. Because the story of the totally-innocent hotel co-sleeping arrangement is just not something that one can reasonably ask their spouse to believe. And of course your wife doesn't trust you. Because you have done things in the past that made you appear pretty untrustworthy. Acting shady causes people to think you're shady. And regardless of the actual truth, you appeared to be_ all _kinds of shady.


All kinds of shady? If you only knew me. My buddies all bug me. One for telling my wife what happened. Two for not touching the girl because she is quite attractive. And third because I am probably the most devoted husband they know and yet I have this issue with my wife not trusting me. 

To explain the girl and hotel room better .... One week a year there is a conference in our business. And one night during this conference we have a hospitality suite for our clients. Back when this happened we used to have this hospitality suite in a hotel room (suite). Probably 50 guys in there and maybe 3 girls. This girl was working on a project that I was involved with and we were talking about the issues she was dealing with. In the middle of the party. Everyone around us was partying. We were talking about work. Anyhow, it got to be like 4:30 in the morning. The last couple of people left and my partner and co-worker (who I was sharing the room with) wanted to go to bed. She asked if she could just stay the night rather than walk across the street to her hotel. I said no problem. We laid down together in the room just like I said. An employee of mine was on the bed next to us, like 4 feet away. At about 8:00am or so, she woke up and walked out of the room.




> That said, the two of you might benefit from some marriage counseling, if you haven't already done so. You may find that if the two of you can consistently meet each other's primary emotional needs and spend an adequate amount of fun "date-like" time together, that you can fall back into love with one another. At that point, the marriage improves, intimacy improves, trust improves and her resentment fades - which leads to a better marriage, more intimacy, and greater trust.


I agree. We spent a week in Vancouver and another week in Toronto this past year. Also a week in Mexico. Great weeks. When we spend quality time together away from the house (she is OCD about housekeeping, cooking, etc.) we get along great. 

Counseling might help, but she has always refused.



> Failing that, of course, either you or your wife have the option to call it quits. Sometimes it can take years for one or both parties to realize that reconciling the marriage isn't going to work out. A marital dynamic that includes accusations and mistrust over the long-term isn't healthy for either partner. When you've done all you can, sometimes it's just not worth staying if the trust and emotional connection cannot be rebuilt.



We have almost called it quits a few times. Things can go from great to very bad in just a few days. I really hope it is the menopause that is making this current fight so bad and that she hasn't just gotten to the end of her rope.

We have been married almost 30 years. It has been the long haul. If I would have known what we were going to go through, maybe I would ended it sooner. Actually, who am I kidding, I know I would never have ended it sooner. Love her deeply.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Almost all of my experience with polygraphs was with Army CID. Our polygraphers are gradates from the DOD polygraph institute. If I was innocent and wanted an allegation to go away, I'd take one from one of those examiners. They are very good. Typically, you will be interviewed before their test. You will help write the questions that you will be asked. For guilty people knowing the exact words of the questions they will be asked heightens their level of nervousness and gives a fabulous reading when they deliberately lie. You will read every one of those questions word for word before being hooked to the machine. They will probably conduct a control test to make sure the instrument works well on you. For people who intend to lie, that also heightens their level of nervousness because they see the instrument "knows" when they are lying, even about something absolutely unimportant.
> 
> To weed out the old girlfriend issue, the examiner can ask you, "since you have been married, have you had sexual intercourse with anyone other than your wife?" For the woman at the conference, he can ask "did you have sexual intercourse with Sally Jones?"
> 
> If I intended to lie, I wouldn't go near a polygraph. The instruments are great at doing what they do. The work especially well on people who almost always tell the truth. Lying is not natural to such people and their body doesn't like it when they lie. The examiner probably wouldn't even need an instrument to know when very honest people lie. The real difference is in the quality of the examiners. Whether an EKG test has any meaning depends on who's conducting it and reading the results. The most accurate instrument on earth is useless if a chimpanzee is analyzing the results.


I am in Canada. Never heard of anyone taking a polygraph for anything. I doubt they are used much here and guessing the people running them aren't the best in the world.

As I said, not sure it would solve anything. It would probably say I wasn't lying and thenshe would say they aren't accurate or it would think I am lying and then I would be screwed.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

SadSamIAm said:


> I am in Canada. Never heard of anyone taking a polygraph for anything. I doubt they are used much here and guessing the people running them aren't the best in the world.
> 
> As I said, not sure it would solve anything. It would probably say I wasn't lying and thenshe would say they aren't accurate or it would think I am lying and then I would be screwed.


That's one of the great things about the control test. Your wife can also see that the test accurately records when you are deceptive. You know more about your situation than any of us. Maybe her problem with you has nothing at all to do with any mistrust or suspicion of adultery. My wife gets a case of the drawers now and then and most times, what she complains about isn't what she's actually upset about.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
If my wife ever asked me to take a lie detector test, I would hand her my ring and ask for a divorce - splitting everything as fairly as I could.

I see no value in marriage without trust. A lie detector test can't build trust. Not only is it unreliable, but it can only measure what has been asked, it can't help with questions in the future.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> If my wife ever asked me to take a lie detector test, I would hand her my ring and ask for a divorce - splitting everything as fairly as I could.
> 
> I see no value in marriage without trust. A lie detector test can't build trust. Not only is it unreliable, but it can only measure what has been asked, it can't help with questions in the future.


I hear what you are saying.

For the record, I have never talked to my wife about lie detector tests. 

It was just something I was thinking of offering to do. Would be nice to be able to make her realize that I didn't cheat on her. 

The point of the thread is that I used to be on the band wagon about suggesting a lie detector to get them to confess. That if they were nervous about the lie detector test, that they were probably guilty. After thinking about doing one myself. I realize it makes me feel nervous about it and I am not guilty.


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## hurts more than i realise (Nov 20, 2015)

do the test. If you have nothing to fail you will pass. It is a lie detector test not im feeling nervous test.

My wife took the test 2 weeks ago and failed. After numerous claimjs it was fixed, broken she was nervous questions were misleading she was confused etc i got a little bit more truth out of her however still claiming this was it upon me demanding she takes the test again with the additional information included i could see there was more information still to come. After much pressing and more lies and promises that this was everything i got what she now claims is the whole information. 

There is one and only 1 reason why she failed the test. 

SHE LIED. The test was spot on. the examiners comments on her was spot on he could see through her like a sheet of glass.


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## hurts more than i realise (Nov 20, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> If my wife ever asked me to take a lie detector test, I would hand her my ring and ask for a divorce - splitting everything as fairly as I could.
> 
> I see no value in marriage without trust. A lie detector test can't build trust. Not only is it unreliable, but it can only measure what has been asked, it can't help with questions in the future.


if there is no trust but the lie detector can build st and this is what you want then surely it is a no brainer. 

If you are happy to walk away from your marriage rather than prove to your wife for £500 that you are being honest you have been faithful and she has been wrong for 30 years one of 2 things will happen.

She will leave as it is what she has been trying to push you to do.

She will realise how foolish she has been in not believing someone that has been so dedicated loving and understanding to her and your intimacy will return in abundance.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

hurts more than i realise said:


> She will realise how foolish she has been in not believing someone that has been so dedicated loving and understanding to her and your intimacy will return in abundance.


Or she'll just think he faked his way through it or find some other reason to mistrust him. 

I don't think it's anything more than a tactic for her to turn him down and make him the bad guy. It's been going on for years, if she really thought he had cheated then it was up to her to make a choice of stay or go then. You don't drag something out for 12-30 years IMO.

And OP- I know your choices suck too. I'm also in your province, I have no idea where someone would even go for a test like this but I did a quick google, looks like it's $2600 and only in our 2 major cities. That's a really expensive way to prove something to your wife that she might not believe anyway.


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## hurts more than i realise (Nov 20, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Or she'll just think he faked his way through it or find some other reason to mistrust him.
> 
> I don't think it's anything more than a tactic for her to turn him down and make him the bad guy. It's been going on for years, if she really thought he had cheated then it was up to her to make a choice of stay or go then. You don't drag something out for 12-30 years IMO.
> 
> And OP- I know your choices suck too. I'm also in your province, I have no idea where someone would even go for a test like this but I did a quick google, looks like it's $2600 and only in our 2 major cities. That's a really expensive way to prove something to your wife that she might not believe anyway.


If thats the case then deep down she wants a divorce or for the OP to leave her so she doesnt look like the bad guy. 

Once you pass the test thats it. Or is it something deeper. Is there guilt on her side and she wants you to admit something has happened so that she can either confess or doesnt feel quite so guilkty herself about something.

Normally the one crying over the spilt mike the loudest is the one that spilt it.

i found a lie detector test company in under 2 minutes when i searched. cost £500 and they drove all over the country doing them. Ok so the uk is a little smaller than the USA and Canada but they are out there.

i would say to her 

" Lets settle this once and for all i have booked a lie detector test you can ask me anything to do with x y z and once i pass that is the end of this please darling as i love you and want to prove this to you."

If she says yes i would then slip in " Just for clarity lets book one for both of us". Watch her reaction really closely and review her actions and also if she suddenly goes off the handle or changes her mind about the test.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Well, I'm not your wife and I don't believe the hotel room story. A small room, your partner sleeping in the bed next to you which leaves your bed - so, she didn't just sleep in your room she slept in/on your bed with you. 

You had been married 18 years at this point and you thought it was a good idea to let a drunken stranger sleep in bed with you. Do you not see how this sounds just so stupid! Then throwing it in her face during an argument about how little intimacy she is providing you. You're lucky you are getting anything other than a cold shoulder. 

You may be innocent but you sure make it hard to believe you.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Blondilocks said:


> Well, I'm not your wife and I don't believe the hotel room story. A small room, your partner sleeping in the bed next to you which leaves your bed - so, she didn't just sleep in your room she slept in/on your bed with you.


It was a hotel suite. Two rooms, one with two beds in it, the other with a hide-a-bed, tv, etc. So there were three guys and three beds. I guess she could have lied down next to one of the other guys in their beds or slept on the floor. 

I didn't have a problem with her lying down next to me. It was in the middle of the night. We didn't take off any clothes. Didn't get under the covers. Didn't touch each other. 



> You had been married 18 years at this point and you thought it was a good idea to let a drunken stranger sleep in bed with you. Do you not see how this sounds just so stupid!


Neither of us were drunk. As I said, we were talking business while everyone else was partying.



> Then throwing it in her face during an argument about how little intimacy she is providing you. You're lucky you are getting anything other than a cold shoulder.


Yes, this was stupid. Wish I had never mentioned it to her.

So tired of explaining that night. 



> You may be innocent but you sure make it hard to believe you.


Not sure what I have said or done to make it hard to believe me. All I have done is tell the truth.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"About 12 years ago, I told my wife about a girl sleeping in my room while away at a conference. It was a small room. My partner was sleeping in the bed next to me. We didn't get un-dressed. We didn't touch each other. We didn't even get under the covers. *She slept there because we had been partying (several people) until very late in the night *and she didn't want to walk to her room in the middle of the night as it was in a different hotel."

So which is it? You were partying until very late in the night or you two were discussing business?

You don't seem to get the difference between 'room' and 'bed'. Room seems more benign than bed. You deliberately misled us. Do you pull this stuff with your wife? Because that could be a major reason why she can't trust you.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Sam, imagine if your wife told you that story about how she let a male colleague sleep in the same bed with her, but nothing happened. I doubt you'd believe her.

And then this:



> Then throwing it in her face during an argument about how little intimacy she is providing you. You're lucky you are getting anything other than a cold shoulder.


only leads her to believe that you WERE intimate with that woman because why else would you bring it up during an argument about how little intimacy your wife is providing?

The simple answer would have been for you and the guys to walk her to the lobby of her hotel since it was just across the street. Your wife is never going to believe your story, even with a lie detector (which, as you said, is hardly proof of anything).


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Blondilocks said:


> "About 12 years ago, I told my wife about a girl sleeping in my room while away at a conference. It was a small room. My partner was sleeping in the bed next to me. We didn't get un-dressed. We didn't touch each other. We didn't even get under the covers. *She slept there because we had been partying (several people) until very late in the night *and she didn't want to walk to her room in the middle of the night as it was in a different hotel."
> 
> So which is it? You were partying until very late in the night or you two were discussing business?


It was both. There was a party going on in the room. We were part of it. But we spent the majority of time talking about business. You said we were drunk. I never mentioned being drunk. 





> You don't seem to get the difference between 'room' and 'bed'. Room seems more benign than bed. You deliberately misled us. Do you pull this stuff with your wife? Because that could be a major reason why she can't trust you.


I now see the difference between room and bed, but I didn't mean to mislead anyone. Why would I mention we didn't get under the covers? We didn't get undressed? I was explaining that she slept on the same bed as me. I thought it was pretty clear, but I guess not.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

norajane said:


> Sam, imagine if your wife told you that story about how she let a male colleague sleep in the same bed with her, but nothing happened. I doubt you'd believe her.


A story for you. When at college my wife had a female roommate. Her roommates boyfriend came to town with his brother. They spent the night in her room. The four of them. I asked her, "where did the brother sleep?" as there were only two single beds in the room. Her answer was that the brother started sleeping beside her but he kept trying to make out with her. So she made him sleep on the floor. I believed her. I see what happened with me to be more innocent. Nobody tried to make out with anyone.



> And then this:
> 
> only leads her to believe that you WERE intimate with that woman because why else would you bring it up during an argument about how little intimacy your wife is providing?


I told her about it to make her jealous. To make her realize that I had options. I know it was a stupid thing to tell her. IT WOULD BE EVEN STUPIDER IF I ACTUALLY CHEATED ON HER.



> The simple answer would have been for you and the guys to walk her to the lobby of her hotel since it was just across the street. Your wife is never going to believe your story, even with a lie detector (which, as you said, is hardly proof of anything).


The other guys were already in bed when she asked if she could stay. I guess I could have walked her to her hotel. That would have looked great if somebody saw us leaving the hotel together and walking into her hotel at 4:00am in the morning.

You may be right, but that isn't what happened and I can't go back and change it.


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## hurts more than i realise (Nov 20, 2015)

stay or leave then and stop moaning about it if you are not going to try and do anything to prove you are telling the truth.

If this is winding you up so much that you are going to leave i dont understand why you dont book a test or leave unless you are going to fail and was hoping you would find a way of cheating the test. There isnt one. They are near 100% accurate. The 5% variable is normally a reading being unusable rather than inaccurate.

Sounds to me either you are lying and either had sex or a fumble or more than you have already told your wife and the test will bring out the rest ofd the truth and then she will be "i told you so"

Financially how much is a divorce / seperation going to cost you. i would reason it is a lot more than £500. Ok so she says you have cheated the test if you pass and leaves you or you can then leave with crystal clarity and a DVD copy of the test and results to prove to anyone else if she starts giving it the biggun to prove you were telling the truth all along and all those years of disbelief drove you insane.

Any chance she has cheated on you and this is why she keeps going on about it all the time. Search your mind look for the trigger every couple of months why she brings this up....


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