# Have a ? but 1st some background



## sarge murphy (May 24, 2012)

i will try to make this long story short. in dec. of 2011 i returned home to find that my wife had had an affair. she also said she wanted a divorce. i did not want one and she was infuriated when i would not file. she wanted an uncontested divorce (on her terms of course) but i did not want a divorce. i still don't. on feb. 2 she filed. since then she has asked for the retirement and investments( the reason why don't really matter except to say that the retirement is in her name, however, we put a lot of money into it...all of our money has gone into a joint account). i have since found that she continued in her affair after she said it was over. she has had him over to our house. ( i left on christmas) i do pay 1/2 the mortgage and 1/2 of all insurance premiums for the two of us plus our college age children. she had the locks changed and her attorney (last week) told the judge that i was going to the house and letting myself in and sitting there until she got home and harrassing her. this is totally false i have not been to the house except 2 times in jan. to get clothes and once to get paper work and she was home and expecting me (this was in feb.) then on may 4 with my son and 5 friends from church to get some furniture which was approved thru her attorney. i have read some articles on getting your ex back and most of them say to ignore them as long as you can. throughout the last 5 months we have gone weeks w/o communicating and so i don't know how much the "no contact rule" is working here. however, let me share what has happend recently and then my question. one of our children has a minor car wreck and their car needs some repairs. i am taking care of it. we do have an extra car and our child is driving it in the mean time, however, it needs the tags updated at the end of the month so i sent wife a text letting her know i would do that. she texted back and said ok and ask if i wanted to sell the car and if so how much. i ignored the selling part and texted that i would take care of the tags. she texted and said she could since the car was at the house and again asked about selling the car. i ignored the text and put a check in the mail to he for the tags and emissions testing. that evening she texted and sad, "you never did answer, do you want to sell and if so how much?" 10 minutes later i received another text that said "because insurance runs ou in mid june and i don't want to renew it if we are not driving it. i ignored the text because it is irrelivant to the situation, our child needs something to drive while their car is in the shop and our car is an asset and my attorney said not to get into that with her. last friday after her attorney made her false accusation, i counter filed for adultery. we offered a marital disillusion agreement that splits everything including the bank acccount before she spent money on an attorney etc. to make it short she will owe me some cash and it is much more than she has. i have been trying to ignore since i counter filed. i don't think it will make her think i have "moved on" (i have not) but i'm wondering if anyone thinks i am doing the right thing or if anyone has any stratigies that they think might work. this is very late in the game but if it is laying ground work for the future that is good as well. things look quite bleak, she has wanted nothing but divorce since she was caught...but she is greedy with the stuff and she has also burned most bridges (friends, church etc.) i would like to get to counceling but she refuses...any suggestions would be appreciated.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Can you please go back and edit your post to break this up in sections? Thank you.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, dear. I say listen to your lawyer.

I'm sorry that this has happened, but I don't see her coming back to you. Her loss, frankly. Secure your future and that of your family by listening to your lawyer.

And thank you for your service.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Sarge, yes best strategy is to give them the time space they ask for and have no contact with them - because no matter how much you want it you can't decide what others want.

Also, good to be using your lawyer at this point, put yourself and the well-being of your kids first and honestly stick it to her legally as much as you can. If she ever does become remorseful and in the off chance that you have a future relationship with her again, then none is lost, but right now she is only looking out for herself and will rake you over coals if you let her.

Be harsh, because honestly when a spouse cheats then divorces it is the harshest thing they can do to the betrayed one.

Also, what advice did your lawyer even give you when you chose to leave your home? Any reason you didn't demand she be the one to pack the bags and find another place since she is the one that wanted out?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I do not get why you would not have told her that no you did not want to sell the car. Not being clear on your thoughts/intentions only makes you look like your are game playing.

Is her AP married?

I also wonder why you left your home. It's much harder to get your spouse to end an affair and work on the marriage if you are not living together and not really talking to her. Moving out and not talking to her basically seals the deal on a divorce. This is not what one does when they want to reconcile.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Sarge, this is the time to go dark on her, and give your attorney instructions to put and end to her games and to get everything he can from her.

Don't waste a minute talking to her, she is a confirmed cheater which means a confirmed liar too. You maybe once knew her but you no longer know the cheater she as become.

Stop trying to be nice, stop trying to meet halfway. And let your lawyer loosen her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, it's still your home an you have the right to enter it, even if she doesn't like it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I'm sorry you are here. This thread my belog in the coping with infidelity section more than here. But, I think it is over. I would limit contact go through the process of divorce. If she wakes up and wants to reconcile; well, decide then what you want to do.


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