# STBXH dating "moving on".. male advice



## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

I have been married 4 years and separated for 5 months now.

My H wanted things to end, and we decided to stay friends and just divorce when I am stable (financially). Everything was going fine.

A few days ago he accused me of not letting him "move on". I have NO IDEA where this is coming from. He let me store a few things at our old place, now he says I am doing this so he doesn't find anyone else. A piece of mail came to the house and this is offensive also because it has my name on it. He is also stating I am showing up "uninvited" etc..

The reality is he gets drunk every Sunday and tells me to pick something up (like offensive mail) and then begs me to stay and watch a movie (this is apparently also my fault)

I am not sure if he is dating anyone.. a few weeks ago he was repulsed by the idea, now it seems he is telling women he is divorced...

IDK what kind of game he is playing here? Probably why he is my STBX 

I guess.. how do I handle this? I am getting my things out of there and changing the mail.. but he is the one calling me. He was saying he still loves me and I wonder if this is some kind of make me jealous scheme?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

He's probably feeling mixed emotions about what's happening and instead of talking with somebody constructively about it is lashing out at you. 

You might want to refuse to talk and/or meet with him when he's been drinking. I don't see anything constructive coming out of that. Maybe let him know beforehand that's what you're going to do.

If you're in the process of splitting up you can't take responsibility for his emotional well being nor he yours. You both need to find other outlets. It doesn't sound like he has yet.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Just be aware that you are complicit in the game. You two are in the 'limbo' phase of separation and divorce. You BOTH will stay there until you bring some finality to the situation.

You both may find someone else, but you won't be able to give any new relationship a healthy start ... if you're still married to someone else.

He's lonely, and blaming you for that is easy. It's also wrong.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Get your stuff out of the house.

Make sure you put in a change of address at the post office.

Tell him that any mail sent there addressed to you should be marked "MOVED" and left out to be picked up.

End of contact, end of irritation on both sides.


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## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

Thanks guys!

I have been (I think) very easy to separate with- I don't call, text etc. He told me about moving on, and yet he called me 24hrs later telling me about work, and his family issues.

He is ery emotionally unstable. Last night he called me after I told him I would call him in the morning because I was sleeping, and started yelling at me over some $50 medication charge, and how I am taking advantage.. 30 min later he calls to apologize

That is why our relationship failed.. too much mental instability. I feel like now it's even worse since he has lost a lot of close friends and family (due to same thing).

I appreciate all your advice


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You need to set boundaries. You can't be his shoulder to cry on anymore. Just because he calls doesn't mean you have to answer the phone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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