# Hardest thing to do



## Therigwelder (Jun 2, 2017)

I told my story last week on the reconciliation forum. I have been speaking to my wife .she will tell me she loves me she will tell me she misses me and she is trying but nothing can change what's going on this moment.all of our freinds say she really won't speak about the seperation or her feelings to anyone not even me.she is locked up like a clam she seeks no help or guidance. I do know she is very angry with me.i was able to get something out of her today and I quote" I love you and I miss you and our daughter but I do not trust you not to hurt me again I cannot live through it ever again." She was crying all the while and then she hung up on me.also Friday night when I tried to talk to her I made a comment about something like wanting to fix the wrongs ,for the life of me I can't remember what I said and she quipped of and said "yeah show me I'm from Minnesota " one of the lines I use when I disbelieve something. Another thing she says is " I wasn't so important when I was there why is it so damn important that I be with you now." Could she be wanting to see something from me waiting for me to make the right move? She doesn't want to se me I ask her when we can hang out together and she says she don't know when.i sent her a text asking her to go to counseling with me and she said she would think about it. I know I am doing wrong texting and calling her all the time looking for a way back in her heart.i know it's groveling i have tried to implement the 180 but have failed so far it is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do . I am scared she will move on and our life will be over .yes I know I am to dependent on her but I truly love her. Cut off all communication and walk away is tough. I've tried staying busy. I am an over thinker and I have been my entire life.i overthink everything from breakfast to sex. My mind never rests never stops like a hamster on a wheel. I think I can fix and repair everything I am a problem solver but This I am lost.i feel every emotion to the extreme right now. The lonliness and emptiness is burning a hole in my .chest the fear ,anxiety and thinking have my brain in overload i cannot turn it off so I have to figure out this 180 it sounds so simple sounds like it should be easy but it's the hardest thing.well as I am writing this I called my wife and asked her if she wanted to save the marriage there was a long pause and she said she didn't know.i asked her if I can set up the counseling session and she said yes but she didn't have to go.she does not believe in counslers.also she said she has given me chances before and I hurt her so bad this time that she couldn't give me another chance and it's the same old story to get her back just so it can go back to **** in a few months and she asks why I bother her with this everyday not one day goes by.why I ask questions she dosent have answers to and she feels it's only what I want it dosent matter what anyone else says or wants.she believe wanting her back is my selfish agenda..I told her I would prove myself to her and her reply was whatever I've said that before.i begged her to answer the question about saving the marriage and she said I wouldn't be happy unless I got the answer I wanted.i asked her if she wanted me to ready the divorce papers and I was angry she said do whatever I had to do. Then I backed off and told her I want the marriage to work her reply was she knew what the F I wanted So after all these new developments I don't know where I stand with her but it doesn't sound good at this point.does anyone ever make things work when it's looking this bad?think


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If there is any hope at all here, you need to start by fixing yourself. 

What are you doing for yourself?

You need to get stronger emotionally before anything else can be worked on.

Look at the link for the 180 in my signature black below. interact with her account to the 180 right now.


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