# Appropriate punishment for a five year old



## snix11

Two of our kids go to public school. His 10 yr old daughter and my 5 year old son. The five year old has a very hard time waking up in the morning. 

Due to our schedules, we gave the alarm clock to the 10 yr old and asked her to help get her brother up for school. She's a very spoiled and selfish girl at times and decided that was too much effort and complained. When we still asked her to wake him up, she would say very quietly once from the other side of the room 'wake up'. He is a heavy sleeper and this doesn't work for him. I usually have to rub his back for about 45 seconds till he comes to. She would then simply hit him in the head with a shoe or a book or just scream at him. Not a good way to wake him up. 

A few months ago we had a problem with him going to the bus stop and then coming home and going back to bed. 

When my husband started working a few weeks ago, he started getting the kids up for school. He would still leave at 615 and the bus didn't come till 7, but the 5 yr old didn't have any more problems getting on the bus. 

This morning hubby was home from work and I flaked off this morning (oops) somehow thinking it was Saturday. dd got up and ds was still in his bed this morning at 830. Due to school policies, he's considered absent if he shows up after 8am and we as parents get in more trouble if he shows up late than if he just doesn't show. 

So now hubby wants to put the five year old on his bed for 12 hours as punishment. 

We did that once last month as punishment for coming back from the bus only to find out later that day that the bus driver refused to pick him up! (new driver and insane) So he was punished for something that wasn't his fault. 

Is it reasonable to expect a five year old to get himself up without an alarm clock and get to the bus stop? I'm thinking no but I could be wrong.

Hubby's take on it is, his sister woke him up and he didn't get out to the bus so it's his fault. my 8 yr old said he heard the sister trying to wake up the 5 yr old this morning. The other kids didn't hear anything. I was awake, but upstairs and didn't hear anything. Hubby was asleep.


----------



## broo

It sounds like he needs an earlier bed time. This chlld is sleep deprived if he is in a heavy slumber every morning when he wakes up. You should adjust his bed time until he is waking up about 15-30 minutes before you need to set the alarm. It that is 6:30pm, so be it. Little kids desperately need their sleep, more than good diets or excercise. There is a huge host of health problems from not sleeping enough, escpecially when young. If he is not tired enough for bed, make sure he has no sugar or caffeine after noon, and try to do an intense physical activity an hour before bed to wear him out. If he's still not tired. Google 'sleep hygeine' and there will be plenty of information on what you should do during the day to sleep well at night. 
Punishing him is easy. Put his favorite thing in timeout for two days. Give him a good spank. It doesn't matter. 12 hours on the bed sounds sadistic and unusual. I usually let my son (he's 4) pick between a spank and an early bedtime. He always picks the spank because its over much more quickly. In this case, you're punishing him to reinforce the behavior, but realize that its the parents fault that he's this exhausted in the morning.


----------



## justean

no its not reasonable for a 5 yr old to get himself up, its not the 10 yr olds responsibilty either. 
im sorry here, but being a parent myself its my responsibilty to see that my children are up for school.
i have juggled shifts and my career for my children, i know all ppl cant. but its stil my responsibility.
as for the 12 hours on the bed - thats cruel.
can we stick you on a bed for 12 hours - i dont think you would find that acceptable and how old are you.
the other fact here is your also giving the same punishments and he hasnt done the wrong thing. but yet you didnt find out the facts.
One other thing - you seem to be very lucky that you dont have paedophiles living in your area. 
your leaving your child to chance letin him catch the bus and hes five.
sorry again here but its you that should be punished for being irresponsible parents.


----------



## snix11

justean... um, you are really clueless about the situation. But your jumping to conclusions with no evidence was at least amusing 

Broo - we have put back the bedtimes for him several times. He never has to be sent to bed (none of my kids do) they always say when they are tired. He seems to come by it honestly, his father is almost impossible to get out of bed and needs a VERY loud alarm in the morning. 

We already have a no sugar, no tv policy for him as he is sensitive to the sugar and i'm against TV. The only caffeine he gets is when he goes over to his dads on the weekends and he plys him with soda. Nothing I can do about that, tho i've tried. 

We managed to compromise on me homeschooling him in his room this morning and doing an extra chore around the house. He was fine with that.


----------



## draconis

Maybe offer that if your husband stays in bed without sleeping and see if he minds it.

draconis


----------



## justean

snix11 said:


> Due to our schedules, we gave the alarm clock to the 10 yr old and asked her to help get her brother up for school.
> When we still asked her to wake him up.
> She would then simply hit him in the head with a shoe or a book or just scream at him.
> 
> This morning hubby was home from work and I flaked off this morning (oops).
> 
> So now hubby wants to put the five year old on his bed for 12 hours as punishment.
> 
> We did that once last month as punishment for coming back from the bus only to find out later that day that the bus driver refused to pick him up! (new driver and insane) So he was punished for something that wasn't his fault.
> 
> Is it reasonable to expect a five year old to get himself up without an alarm clock and get to the bus stop? I'm thinking no but I could be wrong.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> actually fact here, my conclusions , although amusing to you came from your words, above , or are they not????????????
> you even answered your own question, is it reasonable to expect a five yr old ----- im thinking no,you said , again not my words, yours.
> fact again here, you leave your parental responsibilities to others including a 10 yr old and allow your 5 yr old to get the bus - oh im sorry your words again.
> well then i admit to my faults for my assumptions based on your words.
> im sure you wil find yourself having the last word. but dont worry your attitude towards parenting doesnt suit me.
> i just hope you admit to your faults or atleast realise when your doing them - that one includes chastizing a 5 yr old to sit on the bed for 12 hours- im sure they were your words also.
> and he was innocent - your words also.
> The best part here is, he wont always be 5 and yes he wil remember his punishments and being hit on the head etc etc etc -- your words again - no different to you remembering how you were treated by your parent.
> you sound unloved.


----------



## Leahdorus

snix11 said:


> Is it reasonable to expect a five year old to get himself up without an alarm clock and get to the bus stop? I'm thinking no but I could be wrong.


I don't think it's reasonable at all. A 5 yr old needs help and guidance to get out the door on time. Why don't you buy him his own alarm clock? He needs to get up, dressed, eat, gather his backpack and schoolwork AND get to the bus stop on time, without guidance? No way. Why didn't the 10 yr old wake you up when you'd overslept?


----------



## snix11

We got it worked out. I'm glad i'm not the only one that thinks the 5 yr old might require some help getting getting up. I think hubby forgets how old he is just because he's the same size as his 8-10 yr old siblings. The 10 yr old didn't wake me up because she never wakes anybody up - her routine is to get herself up and ready and to heck with everybody else. But no worries, I worked that one out too 

With a little love and logic this week, she's seeing that giving unto others is so much nicer than 'just thinking about number one'. Having hubby gone so much of the time gives me time to really parent the kids. They are all helping each other this week and getting along nicely.


----------



## StillStanding

I was a child who was forced to wake up my siblings and during the time I had to do that I regarded my mother as lazy and irresponsible. There was lots of resentment built over that issue alone.
I notice that you refer to your children as "my..." and his a "the ..."
Is there some underlining jealously there?


----------



## marina72

Justean is Totally Right.... I am perplexed as to why you posted all this info, and then proceeded to attack someone who simply pointed out the obvious. I am startled that you would even consider a sick and unusual punishment of making a 5 year old little boy sit on his bed for TWELVE HOURS... that is sick, sorry, but it is the truth. Do you know that time outs are 1 minute for each year of life? So, five minutes for your child. Not hours on end. I am sorry, but I'm also just flabbergasted that you would allow a child that small, to escort himself , ALONE to the bus... HUH????? I don't care if it's right outside your front door on the sidewalk, and child that little should NOT be left alone to get on the bus. Ever... haven't you heard of people who just come up and take children, or kids that get hit by cars? I can't believe what I'm reading. Honestly. 

At that age I was still waking my daughter up, fixing her breakfast, picking out her clothes and making sure she dressed, brushed her teeth and then I fixed her hair, then I helped her gather her things. She is 11 now and a straight A student, plays classical piano and apsires to be a doctor. You don't have to treat your kid like an adult and expect adult like characteristics at age 5, to get them to learn responsibility. He's wayyyyy too young to be that responsible. And also, why are you talking about punishing a 5 year old, instead of his 10 year old sister, whom you said throws things at him, screams at him and refuses to do as she's told and wake him up? Or maybe she was punished, did she have to spend 24 hours on a bed, since she's twice his age? 

since it's clear not even your husband can get up without an alarm clock, doesn't it seem nutty to expect a tiny child to do this? And believe me, he's tiny. He's only 5 for pete's sake. I feel for him, and his sister. Man, you can call me whatever you like, judmental, but I'm calling it like I , and every other normal human being, sees it.... Here's a quote from you

"a few months ago we had a problem with him going to the bus stop and then coming home and going back to bed. "

So, he's being left unattended, on the street, and then coming back in the house, and going back to bed.... Where the heck are you, or your husband while he's running around like this? OMG..... Perhaps, you should take him to the bus, and actually Wait till he gets on? Just a stupid thought. Or you might actually drive him to school yourself.... but then again, he's 5 afterall, and he should be able to be responsible enough to handle it.... I pray to God you don't force any of your kids to do sick, weird, and twisted things like sit on a bed for half a day.... try 5-10 minutes , or try actually parenting your kids. Ughhhh


----------



## GAsoccerman

I agree keeping 5 year old on a bed is almost like creating a "Stockholm effect" which is a form of abuse and mental control.

I have a 6 year old son, their mental focus is not that of an adult, he is 6 years old. He has a mind of one.

they say you should put a child in time out for 1 minute of their age..so a 5 year old would be 5 minutes, I think 10 would be the max. We have a time out chair for most punishments, our son would get a spanking for a very serious offense, like hitting or spitting, plus a time out to think about it.

12 hours is just moronic.


----------



## humpty dumpty

I have children 13 ,11, 6 and 3 i would never even imagin them getting up and sorting them selve out in that way !! i choose to be a parent ive juggled my carreer and given up working so i can bring up my brothers children in a loving warm home ..as to making 5 year old stay on a bed for 12 hours !!! what on earth were you thinking off??? what a waste of his life ... children do need to be punished at times but come on !!!! 

I think this all comes down to terrible parenting !!!
I couldnt even dream of letting my 6 year old just go catch a bus !! thank you lucky stars no harm came to him


----------



## wantingmore

I have to go with Justeen on this one. Both parents were home. Its your fault he didnt' make it to school and punishing him in any way for that is wrong.


----------



## GinaAbu

She stated at the end:
The other kids didn't hear anything. I was awake, but upstairs and didn't hear anything. Hubby was asleep. 
If you are awake at this time , why would you not go get him up????
I have a 10 year old Boy and a 5 year old girl. My little girl is advanced for her age but I WOULD never think that she was old enough to get ready by herself. I would not put the responsibility on the 10 year old.


----------



## GinaAbu

Oh yea!! one more thing 12 hours punishment is cruel and if he thinks this is any kind of normal he needs prayers. If you let him do this to your son , you need prayers. I feel sad for this child.


----------



## fps_dean

I'm a bit late but I hope the original poster, the incompetent parent reads this still...

I am fairly new to the parenting thing myself. I have wonderful 5 and 6 year old boys, which were my girlfriend's and they mean the world to me.

First off, I hope this thread was meant as a joke (trolling). That said, any parent is too lazy to get their own kid out of bed in the morning is lazy and a negligent parent, and their kids should be taken away immediately. YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS RAISING KIDS! YOU ARE MISERABLE FAILURES OF PARENTS. Please, send them up for adoption so they can have a good rest of their lives. You absolutely make me sick. 

I could not see expecting a 10 year old to get out of bed on their own, not to mention expecting them to wake up a 5 year old. Second, 12 hours in bed during daytime is uncalled for. I'll send my boys to bed early. I will tell them not to come out, except to go to the bathroom, and will not tell them when they get out so they do not know, but leaving a kid in bed all day only shows what lazy poor excuses of human beings both you and your husband are.

You are disgusting human beings and the best thing you could do for your kids is to give them up for adoption. It is perfectly obvious that you do not want them


----------



## Mom6547

snix11 said:


> So now hubby wants to put the five year old on his bed for 12 hours as punishment.


He wants to punish a FIVE YEAR OLD for not getting out of bed.

I hate to break this to you. Five year olds need this really old fashioned thing called PARENTS. This is not someone else' job. This is your job and your husband's job. So stop pawning it off on the other kid. 

You cannot punish a five year old into waking up. You need a consistent schedule, including making sure he is going to bed early enough and getting enough sleep.





> Is it reasonable to expect a five year old to get himself up without an alarm clock and get to the bus stop? I'm thinking no but I could be wrong.


No. Definitely NOT.



> Hubby's take on it is, his sister woke him up and he didn't get out to the bus so it's his fault. my 8 yr old said he heard the sister trying to wake up the 5 yr old this morning. The other kids didn't hear anything. I was awake, but upstairs and didn't hear anything. Hubby was asleep.


Honestly, your husband needs parenting classes.


----------



## fru

im 36 and my kids are hannah5 connor8 carter 3 and sophie7months and if hannah did that i would spank no t.v. because my kids only get 2 hours a day and go up to room for 30mins.


----------



## fru

im having trouble with my sister ashley she thinks shes the best and i need some guidence


----------



## major misfit

Fru, you might want to start a different thread if you're needing help. You will get more traffic...


----------



## Trenton

Just ventured into the parenting section this morning and eep! Glad to see most posters agree that a five year old is a little guy that still requires lots of parental guidance. Twelve hours on a bed? This is scary, abusive stuff.


----------

