# Confused in the head



## mofos29 (Sep 30, 2010)

This is my first post. I found this site today looking for answers. Not sure if anyone will be able to give advice, but here goes.

I have been married for 7 years to S, together for 10. 3 Kids, 1 of them from my previous marriage that lasted 8 months. 

I have always loved my wife S, just not sure if I was ever in love, never really had that I am in crazy love with you feeling that everyone talks about. I had feelings, always thought that they were those in love feelings everyone experiences. I cheated on my wife back in 2005 and we were able to work things out and stay together. Thought everything would just be hunky dory forever.

Back in 2008-9 Our restaurant went bankrupt, so did our credit, I put my bestfriend (dog) Max to sleep because he was sick and old (13), my daughter moved to Virginia Beach to live with her mother and we lost our house in foreclosure. My life was falling apart in front of my eyes. 

We met a guy who bought our restaurant equipment and offered me a position to run his new restaurant on the coast. So we moved. After being open for a few months I started to befriend one of the bartenders J. We would stay late afterwork to do inventory, ordering, etc. We really got to know each other. We would talk all day and nite. We started friendly texting each other, meeting for lunch or a late nite drink afterwork. 

We had an intimate evening together that turned into kissing. I started to grow strong feelings for J. I couldnt lie to my wife, so I told her what happened. We decided to seek counseling, her counselor suggested that she leave me. So I moved out in June, since then I have been dating and seeing J on an intimate level and I am in love with this person. 

J and I have been getting along great, I am picturing a life with her. We do fight about the kids, because I choose to watch my children on my days at my wifes house because they are young and that is their home and we are trying not to confuse them. In the meantime my wife S is trying hard to win me back. She tries to make me jealous with comments about other guys and sending me nude pics of herself tempting me to come home. 

J and I broke up this weekend because she was so angry that I spent the day with S and the kids at the movies and dumped me. My wife S talked me into moving back and working on our relationship. Which I am trying, I have been back now for 4 days and all I can think about is J. J called me the day after we broke up to tell me that she made a mistake and was just jealous that I was seeing my wife. With my stubbornness I told her that I was tired of her being jealous and ended it. Since then we have both been devastated. I miss her like crazy.

Everyone I talk to including my counselor agrees that I should try to work things out with my wife S for the kids sake. We have never really had an unhappy marriage, we never fought, we were like best friends, we have great kids and she is dropdead gorgeous, my guy friends tell me all the time that I am so lucky to have such a beautiful, sexy wife. Then they tell me how lucky I am to have such a hot, smart and sexy girlfriend. My wife gave me the ultimatum of quitting my job and basically blacklisting J from my life to try and work things out. 

J wants me back, she has done everything except get on her hands and knees and beg. She is devastated that I am moving back in with S when she knows that I love her. 

So help me, should I try to work on my marriage for my kids sake and live contently with S possibly always thinking about J and missing her and possibly cheat on my wife again, because if I was in true love with S would I have cheated on her at all?

Or do I get back together with J and be happy, but possibly have regrets that I didnt try to make my marriage work and have my family and society look down on me as a POS for leaving my wife for another woman. I come from a divorced family and I do not want my kids to end up upset with me for breaking up our family. I always want them to feel loved. I would do anything for them. 

Confused


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

screw J 
The both of you screwed up your vows, your kids and your wife.
You made a promis, and your wife made a promis, at least she's keeping hers, Remember for better or for worse part.
Dude if this affair was ment to be you and J would be riding off in the son set. The fantasy is over and ex's are ex's for a reason. If you go back to J she will sh*t all over you every time you want to see your kids. 
There is a way you and your wife can have what you and J HAD its there you just have to f*ck more and find the connection in starting a future with her when the kids are in high school and driving. Man you will have so much more time to play with you wife.
There is nothing more *****in then reinventing each other and moving on with someone who doesnt mind when you screw up or fart in bed. Think about it, you didnt even screw up and J threw you out, Whats up with that.
One question would you stop all contact w/J for your kids? They cant directly ask you, so asking for then.


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## mofos29 (Sep 30, 2010)

Well J did not throw me out. I had my own place, so did she. She was upset that I took the kids to the movies and dinner with S instead of her. It's the 3rd time that I ended up spending time with the kids at.my wifes place because my kids are still young and become easily bored at my place, its small and not much to do when your broke, you can only take the kids to the.beach so many times before they are sick of it. i am in love with J and my heart is torn. i dont want to hurt my wife again, yet i dont want my kids to get older and think that i destroyed our family.


the guy said:


> screw J
> The both of you screwed up your vows, your kids and your wife.
> You made a promis, and your wife made a promis, at least she's keeping hers, Remember for better or for worse part.
> Dude if this affair was ment to be you and J would be riding off in the son set. The fantasy is over and ex's are ex's for a reason. If you go back to J she will sh*t all over you every time you want to see your kids.
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mofos29 (Sep 30, 2010)

Also S and I have had great sex almost everyday of our marriage. I just feel like we are lacking passion, we have never really made love, it has always just been dirty hot sex. For the first I actually made love with J and it was mind blowing, stopped.me dead in my tracks,.make my head spin, mind blowing orgasmic. It is not about sex for me, it is about my heart

UOTE=mofos29;189866]Well J did not throw me out. I had my own place, so did she. She was upset that I took the kids to the movies and dinner with S instead of her. It's the 3rd time that I ended up spending time with the kids at.my wifes place because my kids are still young and become easily bored at my place, its small and not much to do when your broke, you can only take the kids to the.beach so many times before they are sick of it. i am in love with J and my heart is torn. i dont want to hurt my wife again, yet i dont want my kids to get older and think that i destroyed our family. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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