# How often you have relations with your spouse?



## Tommyboy (Mar 23, 2012)

Morning, I am a man married for the second time. First marriage was 9 years and second marriage just last year. We will be married for almost 1 year soon.

My questions is about relations. I guess being single and waiting for marriage you start to create your own fantasies about how often it will happen. When we first married almost 4-5 times a week. Now we are down to maybe once a week more times then not every other week. This is not the result of me not trying. I try and maybe to hard. So, my questions are below.

How do i know when I am being to pushy?

How often is normal?

I would think we would be married for longer then this before our relations dropped off so low.

p.s. about her semi part time job. 3 kids under 10 and we do split chores 50/50.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I've been married almost 3 years (awww  ). I'm almost 36 and he's 29. we have two children (3 and 12) and we both work full time.

We average between 4 and 9 times a week. depending.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Tommyboy, 

Give this some serious thought. If your down to this low of a frequency, think were you'll be 5 years from now!

I've been married 26 years and I think I'm getting it more often than you and for me it's still not enough!

You're a high drive individual and she's a low drive. Keep reading on this forum and it will open your eyes! And it's not just the ladies who have LD. Men do too and the problems and frustrations this can cause (believe me I'm speaking from experience here) are immense!


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Tommyboy said:


> When we first married almost 4-5 times a week. Now we are down to maybe once a week more times then not every other week.


This is where we are as well.


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## Tommyboy (Mar 23, 2012)

I guess maybe I am thinking I am not to high. 2-3 times a week would be perfect for me. Just wondering on ways to improve this. Maybe I should be doing something else. I love my wife and I know she loves me also and I am trying to make it work. I just keep getting caught up on what i am not getting. I am starting to think I am not giving her something. Maybe she dosent feel sexy. She has gained about 20 pounds since we were married. So, maybe that is it. She works out, but it is off and on.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

that_girl said:


> I've been married almost 3 years (awww  ). I'm almost 36 and he's 29. we have two children (3 and 12) and we both work full time.
> 
> We average between 4 and 9 times a week. depending.


BRAGGER!  

I would say for us, about 3-4 times a week, just depends. We are both good with that.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Married 10, 2 kids. LUCKY if its more than once a week. If so its all on me to get it to there. 

And then it can be so awesome to experience "lets get it over with so you'll shut the hell up you damn horn-toad" sex.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

trey69 said:


> BRAGGER!
> 
> I would say for us, about 3-4 times a week, just depends. We are both good with that.


Well, I'm not really bragging. He asked, I answered.

I haven't had sex since surgery. 6 more days and MAYBE doc will allow it. It's killing us. There's been way more BJs in this house than normal LOL.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Rather than trying worrying too much at this stage about a magic number of times a week, have you clearly told her you are feeling neglected? How does she respond? What does she think about your sex life?


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

About twice a week, sometimes 3 times. It works for us both. I believe sex is very important, but its not the glue that holds everything together either, not for us anyway.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Tommyboy said:


> I guess maybe I am thinking I am not to high. 2-3 times a week would be perfect for me. Just wondering on ways to improve this. Maybe I should be doing something else. I love my wife and I know she loves me also and I am trying to make it work. I just keep getting caught up on what i am not getting. I am starting to think I am not giving her something. Maybe she dosent feel sexy. She has gained about 20 pounds since we were married. So, maybe that is it. She works out, but it is off and on.


Hi Tommyboy ~

Have you asked your wife about these things?

I think maybe you two are missing each other's needs and desires, especially if you don't talk to each other about them.

Best wishes.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I've been married almost 3 years (awww  ). I'm almost 36 and he's 29. we have two children (3 and 12) and we both work full time.
> 
> We average between 4 and 9 times a week. depending.


 4-9 times a week? You have no idea how much I hate you right now. For me to to 4-9 times a week, I'd need an oxygen tank and a mobile defibrillator on standby.

For Tommyboy: Listen to me, don't worry about comparing your average to the national average. That way lies madness. If you're concerned about how much sex you think you SHOULD be having, you'll just end up feeling inadequate.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Tommy--how long have you been with your wife? You said married a year but how long together total?


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

5-9 times a week. he works, im a SAHM. 4 kids, 16, and three are 8. we have been together about 22 years, one of our anniversary's is soon.

it does depend on the week. some weeks its none, we just forget..ha-ha. after a drought we have it make up for it.


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## kauaikine (Mar 24, 2012)

2 years together, both hitting 50 years of age. 1-3 times a day.
More, if he could get his way. Frankly, it's too much for me.
It's to the point where it can get painful for me.
I feel like the relationship revolves around sex and his planning when, where and how.
At this age, I know I should be stoked, but sexual gluttony is not all good....what kind of relationship will we have if he ever loses his ability to perform? (no viagra, it's all natural) 
How about some intimacy without sex?
I'm not flattered, at times, I feel like just a means to an end.


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## flnative (Jul 16, 2011)

Married 19 years, 3 kids. We have some form of sex 4-5 times a week, sometimes more. Wasn't always this way. Up until about 6 years ago it was once a week, and if I missed Saturday night, nothing until the following Saturday. 

I implemented MMSL to my marriage almost to the letter long before I ever heard of Athol Kay. I just found him late last year. He is a wise man, you guys not happy with your frequency listen to him. His advice works if you put in an honest effort.


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## marriedinnh (Mar 25, 2012)

I'd focus less on what's "normal" and more on what's satisfying. Would you be happy if once a month was "normal"?





Tommyboy said:


> How often is normal?


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Normal is what makes both of you happy. It's wonderful if you both agree on the frequency, not so much if one is feeling neglected. It sounds like you need to sit down with her and discuss what each of you need/expect of the marriage in regards to sex. Try to meet somewhere in the middle.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

We will be married 40 years this summer. I will be 57 soon and my wife is 56. We probably average 3 times a week. There are times when it is 4 times and times when it is 2 times depending on our schedules. When we are away on a romantic trip it can be 8 or 9 times in a week.


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