# Staying together for the sake of the...dog?



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

Has anyone, or would anyone consider, staying in a relationship they would otherwise want to get out of for the sake of a pet?

Whether it's because:

-you don't want to risk losing the pet to your future ex
-you don't want to disrupt the pet's home and sense of well-being by breaking up their "family"
-the pet is expensive to take care of, or has a costly medical condition, and you don't want to stick your partner with it (or be stuck with it all by yourself)
-something else?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Joey2k said:


> Has anyone, or would anyone consider, staying in a relationship they would otherwise want to get out of for the sake of a pet?
> 
> Whether it's because:
> 
> ...


*Let's just say that if it were left up to me, I'd not only leave but have the pet in tow with me, more especially if I knew that it had a chance of being abused in my absence!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

A lot of victims of domestic violence don't leave because they are afraid of what would happen to their pets in their absence. Some abusers go so far as to threaten to harm, give to the shelter, or kill the pet in question if the victim leaves. The problem is compounded by the fact that a lot of women's shelters, domestic violence support shelters, homeless shelters and other facilities do not accept or allow pets. Additionally a lot of abuse victims rely emotionally on their pets, which makes it even more difficult. 

I've worked in both cat and dog rescue and have seen an awful lot of this. Lots of shelters and rescues will foster pets for abuse victims if they have the room, money, etc., but the way the economy has been here in the States, most every shelter and rescue is already in up to their eyeballs.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I would never leave my pets. They'd be with me. Me being without them is just not an option. If I couldn't take them I wouldn't leave.


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## karazy (Aug 31, 2015)

When I left my ex, I took both of the dogs. The dogs acclimated very well to my husband so you don't have to worry about breaking up the family. Though we didn't live together and I had the dogs living with me.

If you plan to leave, try to be the "major" person in your dog's life for a while...that is, take over feeding/walking/bathing/etc. Dogs usually choose one person to be the one. Just take the dog and go. It's not worth it to stay with someone you're unhappy with. Eventually, you will leave but the longer it takes, the worse it becomes.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Joey2k said:


> Has anyone, or would anyone consider, staying in a relationship they would otherwise want to get out of for the sake of a pet?
> 
> Whether it's because:
> 
> ...


Well I've looked at this thread a few times but it just won't go away. No I would not knowingly stay in a relationship for our little dachshund. But she might enfluence my decision. They may be pets but the emotions we attach to them are human and strong.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dignityhonorpride said:


> A lot of victims of domestic violence don't leave because they are afraid of what would happen to their pets in their absence. Some abusers go so far as to threaten to harm, give to the shelter, or kill the pet in question if the victim leaves. The problem is compounded by the fact that a lot of women's shelters, domestic violence support shelters, homeless shelters and other facilities do not accept or allow pets. Additionally a lot of abuse victims rely emotionally on their pets, which makes it even more difficult.
> 
> I've worked in both cat and dog rescue and have seen an awful lot of this. Lots of shelters and rescues will foster pets for abuse victims if they have the room, money, etc., but the way the economy has been here in the States, most every shelter and rescue is already in up to their eyeballs.


More and more domestic violence shelters are allowing people to bring pets for this very reason.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

-you don't want to risk losing the pet to your future ex
Only if I was worried about said pets safety. In which case I would probably figure out a way to take the pet with me, or rehome it. If I couldnt take pet with me, and wasnt seriously worried about its wellbeing if I left it, I wouldnt think twice about leaving. Simply because I loved fluffy, would def. not be a good enough reason for me to be in a relationship with someone I really did not want to be with. One can do split custody with their pets you know. 

-you don't want to disrupt the pet's home and sense of well-being by breaking up their "family"
Dogs get over being moved to a new home, so the concern of not wanting to disrupt the dogs sense of well being by moving and breaking up the family, no, that should not be anyones concern. 

-the pet is expensive to take care of, or has a costly medical condition, and you don't want to stick your partner with it (or be stuck with it all by yourself). 
If I really felt obligated to both of them, but had to leave the relationship, I would give my partner some money to cover costs, or perhaps set up a monthly payment program with the vet and pay a portion of the fee. 

-something else?


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## Wasting away (Oct 6, 2015)

I have stayed in a crappy relationship longer than I should have because I didn't want to leave my dog, he was my baby. In the end we shared custody for a year, he did doggie day care during the day while I worked. My current relationship is sketchy, I have a cat who needs daily meds and I have been told if I left he would be put down as "too much trouble ". If I leave the cat comes with me! He'll get over the disruption. If you and the dog are safe, and the relationship is civil, shared custody does work.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Specifically I have been both in and out of this predicament having both had pets I worried about leaving with the other, and working in rescue and paid as a animal care provider.

Would I stay? Yes, temporarily. Long term? No.

Some shelters do help, but it is extremely short term.... Animal Humane can offer up to 14 days... And there's the guilt of knowing other animals will be euthanized to help your own. Sad fact, but it's true....


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## Mrs Chai (Sep 14, 2010)

As sad as I would be to break up the family - ultimately I think I would put my mental and physical wellbeing over that of my cats. I wouldn't leave them in a bad situation and if re-homing was necessary, I would only be able to deal with handpicking who the cats go to and not leave it up to chance.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Kids are one thing, but for a pet? No. I love my dog, but no way would I stay in a bad relationship for her. She is not a human and I think too many people treat their animals as such. I would take my dog and leave.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Here's a true story, I know it's true because it happened to me!

As we were discussing divorce at the end of our 20 year marriage I asked my soon to be ex wife how she could be so unhappy and stick around, how she could be sleeping around and then come home to me and the kids.

She said she knew she couldn't afford to keep her horses on her own, she had to get things set up and that took time. Turns out it was the farrier (black smith) she was having an affair with, so she moved herself and the horses to his house, left the kids with me. 

You can't make this stuff up.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

From my cold dead hands.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Joey2k said:


> Has anyone, or would anyone consider, staying in a relationship they would otherwise want to get out of for the sake of a pet?
> 
> Whether it's because:
> 
> ...


You've gotta be _kitten_ me.


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

Cooper said:


> Here's a true story, I know it's true because it happened to me!
> 
> As we were discussing divorce at the end of our 20 year marriage I asked my soon to be ex wife how she could be so unhappy and stick around, how she could be sleeping around and then come home to me and the kids.
> 
> ...


Just WOW!!!! :laugh::crying: Poor Horses, at least you and the kids got away from it.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

When I left, I took my pets with me. I wouldn't stay for the sake of the kids, I certainly wasn't going to stay for the sake of the dog and cats!

When my DH and I were going through a bad patch, we did discuss pet custody if we split. We had 4 dogs (one has since passed), an African Grey parrot, a tortoise (Eastern Box Turtle) and a cat. 

We decided whoever kept the house would get the Pit Bulls because it can be hard to find a rental with a Pit. The American Bulldog and Basset would go with the renter. The tortoise and parrot would stay with me because I'm the only one who knows how to take care of them. The cat would go with our DS wherever he decided he wanted to live because they've been together literally since DS was born.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

That is the reason my FIL used for not getting a job for many years. He said the dog would be lonely. Yeah.....issues there..


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Cooper said:


> Here's a true story, I know it's true because it happened to me!
> 
> As we were discussing divorce at the end of our 20 year marriage I asked my soon to be ex wife how she could be so unhappy and stick around, how she could be sleeping around and then come home to me and the kids.
> 
> ...


Wow.... I'm very sorry...


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## cininAZ (Jul 2, 2016)

I have one dog and my husband has two. I would only be able to keep my dog (he wouldn't let me take them all) but my dog is attached to the other dogs. They have all been together for 2 years. In my situation, I work out of town 3 1/2 days a week, every week. I really want to end this unhealthy relationship but my choices seem to be - leave - and try to find someone I can hire who can care for my dog every single week AND be okay with my dog suffering separation from her pack, OR stay. I love this dog and I don't want her to suffer. She was neglected unintentionally by her previous owner and this dog is truly special. The previous owner was a very ill older lady who was in and out of the hospital. The dog got left home alone for about 1-2 weeks a month, close to every month (there were a couple of 2-3 month stretches with no hospitalization) for about 2 years. Not to mention that my dog is attached to him, too. 

Ideally, we would share custody of the dogs - I would get them all when I am in town and he would keep them when I am not. Heck, I would even pay him. But...he will not agree to this because he knows I want this and he doesn't want me to leave even though he cant stop lying to me and cheating....


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

cininAZ said:


> I have one dog and my husband has two. I would only be able to keep my dog (he wouldn't let me take them all) but my dog is attached to the other dogs. They have all been together for 2 years. In my situation, I work out of town 3 1/2 days a week, every week. I really want to end this unhealthy relationship but my choices seem to be - leave - and try to find someone I can hire who can care for my dog every single week AND be okay with my dog suffering separation from her pack, OR stay. I love this dog and I don't want her to suffer. She was neglected unintentionally by her previous owner and this dog is truly special. The previous owner was a very ill older lady who was in and out of the hospital. The dog got left home alone for about 1-2 weeks a month, close to every month (there were a couple of 2-3 month stretches with no hospitalization) for about 2 years. Not to mention that my dog is attached to him, too.
> 
> Ideally, we would share custody of the dogs - I would get them all when I am in town and he would keep them when I am not. Heck, I would even pay him. But...he will not agree to this because he knows I want this and he doesn't want me to leave even though he cant stop lying to me and cheating....


You do know it's a dog, right? Dogs minds do not work the same way our minds do.

If you really want out, get a place, take your dog, hire a petsitter from among friends, relatives, or a service, and if the dog is lonely for a pack, get her another dog from a nice rescue or shelter.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

We all know that the critters are better partners and companions anyways..:wink2:


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> You do know it's a dog, right?


NO!

Obviously you are not a dog uppy: person and therefore I will put you on ignore. :wink2:

Now, cats on the other hand.......:cat:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I could understand someone doing this.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

no


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> NO!
> 
> Obviously you are not a dog uppy: person and therefore I will put you on ignore. :wink2:
> 
> Now, cats on the other hand.......:cat:


Cats are my sons department. I'm dogs, parrots, and tortoises.

Know what's great about dogs? They're resilient. My first few dogs were "recycled". Whatever bullsh!t that happened to them, they got over in short order with some attention, treats, toys, walks, and games of tug o war.


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