# im going crazy



## drmusiq4u (Oct 24, 2009)

hello i just have a lil bit on my chest. i been married for 2.5 years. me and my wife has no kids. we recently just movedto a new state. it was rough when first move we were recently homeless. but the concern i have is kinda weird. im really paranoid @ this moment in out marriage. cuz im scared my wife is gonna leave for another girl. she stays on the phone all night. she did develop a crush for one of her friends. which i kinda had a dream about her and another chick. i dont know what to do it seems like trying to spend more time w/ her. but it like i get slapped in the face w/ myself because. i use to hang out w/my ex g/f before marriage call and text all of the time. i just really trying to figure whats goin on i ask her question cuz seems her friends no more then i do. it feels like im losing my wife. she says if she would leave it wouldnt be for another person. it would be fore herelf. i believe but i dont. i am insecure but. it likes often times your mind wont go places if the evidence kinda wasnt there. i feel real crazy for real. im not a overbearing person. its cool my wife goes out w/her friends. but just seems im still on the backburner somewhere does anybody have any advise help me please


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Is your wife bisexual? Plenty of bisexual people are in committed, exclusive relationships with either gender. But there are a few that seem to need to alternate or have a relationship with both genders at all times (polyamory). Have you calmly and confidently just asked your wife questions about what's on her mind? If you are approaching her with insecurities, accusations or fears, then you are not asking questions and you won't get a better understanding of what's happening. So calm down, come up with a list of questions and then LISTEN to her.

You may ask things like, "are you emotionally satisfied in our marriage?" "Are you sexually satisfied in our marriage?" "Are you bisexual or bicurious or in any way attracted to women?" "Do you have feelings for any of your friends?" "Have you been sexual with any of your friends?" "Have you ever cheated or do you want to cheat?" "Do you want to be in this marriage?" "If you do want to be in this marriage, are you wanting to be in it exclusively?" "What things do I do that push you away?" etc etc.

Obviously, they would have to be questions specific to your situation. But, my point is that sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we're feeling that we forget to formulate coherent thoughts and questions and then to pause to listen to the answer and then still not react but continue to ask questions until we fully comprehend what's happening with our spouse. Once it's all done, then you'll have all sorts of feelings ... and i suggest you don't react immediately but take some time to digest what she says. She also may not be completely truthful, which you'll have to just use your judgment. Or, she may be totally truthful but there's something in YOU that is not a trusting person and would be paranoid regardless of the situation, so be honest with yourself.

In the end, though, if she's unhappy and wants to leave, we don't own anyone and all we can do is wish them well and heal our hearts. What's the point of being with someone that doesn't give you all the love and attention you deserve anyway? It's easy to get stuck pursuing someone, but are they really right for you in the end if they're not 100% giving you their heart and soul. Think about what YOU want from a partner ... can she offer that?


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