# Wife grossed out at receiving oral



## upstate_guy (Oct 28, 2010)

I've been with my wife for 7 years and she's almost always rejected my attempts to go down on her. The handful of times that I did do it, she enjoyed it (I can't say if it was more than or just equal to when I use my fingers), but I always had to get her very worked up with my fingers first and then just sort of go for it before she could deny it. When I approach it more gradually, or ask if I can do it, she always tells me no and tries to pull me back up so that we're lying side by side.

We had a talk about it last night in bed and she explained that she is grossed out by the idea of having my mouth 'down there'. (She doesn't have a problem with me seeing her, smelling her, etc., so I don't think it is a self confidence issue.) She assures me that she loves the rest of what we do together in bed and she always has multiple Os with every session. We've got a pretty solid sex life in general (slower when there have been rough spots in the relationship) and I would say we're together several times a week on average.

So, if we're both satisfying each other then it shouldn't be a big deal right? I guess I'm letting it become some sort of 'forbidden fruit' for me now where I want what I can't have. I enjoy doing the act and it turns me on to please her in that way, plus I'd like to introduce the occasional 69 to our repertoire. 

I guess this is a situation where I should just respect her preferences and stick to what works? Am I bad for wanting to just dive in before she can tell me no, if she enjoys it once it's started? I mean, it's not like she is pushing me off once I get going or jumping out of bed to run away. It's like she has more of a problem with the idea of the act, or the anticipation of it, than the actual act itself. And I think that maybe by asking permission I'm just being too passive when what she secretly wants is a man who just wants her so badly that he can't help himself. Actions speak louder than words right?

Is there anything I can do to help her get over the idea that me putting my mouth on that part of her body is 'gross'? (She has no issues with using her mouth on me.) Or should I just let this one go?


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## lovelieswithin (Apr 29, 2010)

Id let it go. my guess is you probably see yourself as a G6 with the oral giving so you want to be able to really impress your woman with it AND her not wanting is indeed making you want to more. If you're tripping out about the crappy fact you're a stud with oral but ironically your lady isn't into it - then refocus your sexual pursuit in areas she does like... in otherwords fine tune and expand your skills on other acts of sex. 
Some women just aren't that into oral and I al also one. I love giving my husband oral but I just would rather be fingered & have the exterior licked rather than mouthed & tongued. 
=) sounds like you have a gr8 sex life otherwise as you conveyed so continuing to push the issue could possibly damage the good vibe in your intimate bond.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Hmm...this is a toughie. I love it when he does that for me, and I love doing it for him. I don't find the thought gross (well, I would if he were really smelly or something from work and hadn't showered or something). I don't mind kissing him after or anything like that, either. 

Does she go down on you? Or does she find that to be gross, too? If she thinks that's gross too, then I'd say she just thinks mouth to genital contact is gross in general, probably something she was taught as a child and has never gotten past. If she will do it for you and just doesn't want you to do it for her, then I'd say it's something personal to her, maybe she's worried about an odor or a taste that she thinks is there, even if it's not. 

If she enjoys it when you just do it, and doesn't try to get away or tell you later not to do that, then I would just do it that way and stop asking or trying to talk her into it.


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## lovelieswithin (Apr 29, 2010)

I dunno - keep in mind that women can "go along" to be nice & I can fake receiving like a porn star - im sure she can too! LOL
She has clearly told ya several times she isn't into it so why make her fake it or be uncomfy ever? ask her one last time but let her know this time you will respect whatever answer she gives you. That way you can be sure shes not playing around and actually enjoying making u want her more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

How about going down on her in the shower when she knows she's clean?

Or kissing down her breasts, down across her stomach, then he legs without "going down" on her? make a few "scouting passes" and then see if she accepts the atttempt.

otherwise enjoy with out it.


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## upstate_guy (Oct 28, 2010)

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I just need to learn to live without it. I guess that coming my point of view I consider it the equivalent of me turning down a bj (unimaginable) but that's probably not a fair analogy to be making. Probably best to just respect what she's telling me and get our kicks in other ways, I don't want to put her in a position to fake anything or be uncomfortable. Maybe I'll take Chris' advice and give it one last try post-shower someday before I write it off for good.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

upstate_guy said:


> And I think that maybe by asking permission I'm just being too passive when what she secretly wants is a man who just wants her so badly that he can't help himself.


Please, take it from me , someone who used to feel EXACTLY like your wife at one time-pushing him away, feeling it was gross. YES , just keep doing it when she is HOT & willing. 

Now that I have gotten older, I look back on those times where he was REALLY into doing that, even when I was trying to push him away, those are some of my fondest memories sexually. I now LOVE this. Not sure what it is about some of us women, when we are younger, we are more inhibited, have not come into our full self's sexually. For me, I had too much of a "dirty" mindset regarding oral sex, very unfortunate for my husband. And myself. But I am so thankful I have a husband who has always cared to please me this way. 


My guess is she is self conscious, her mind is working overdrive on how you could possibly enjoy such a thing, that is how I was. Even though I had this mental blockage, and pushed him away, I still enjoyed it. I was highly sensitive there though, maybe she is too. Give her time. I would never advise you to give up on this though. 

*Let her passionately feel how much you "want" and "desire" her in this way, never let this die. *


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## upstate_guy (Oct 28, 2010)

Interesting perspective SA, thanks for your reply. I guess I won't give up completely just yet.


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## Needhelp911 (Nov 14, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Please, take it from me , someone who used to feel EXACTLY like your wife at one time-pushing him away, feeling it was gross. YES , just keep doing it when she is HOT & willing.
> 
> Now that I have gotten older, I look back on those times where he was REALLY into doing that, even when I was trying to push him away, those are some of my fondest memories sexually. I now LOVE this. Not sure what it is about some of us women, when we are younger, we are more inhibited, have not come into our full self's sexually. For me, I had too much of a "dirty" mindset regarding oral sex, very unfortunate for my husband. And myself. But I am so thankful I have a husband who has always cared to please me this way.
> 
> ...


:iagree: I was like that as well SA. I think some young women haven't come to their full self's sexually like you said. I was the same exact way, I would push my husband away like that but once he forced his way down there and it felt so good. Eventually I opened up to it.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Oral is the best sex ever. Don't know how a woman can say no.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Well been married 20 years and rarely receive oral and have to beg to give oral... still don't understand it.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Not regarding oral sex, but my wife has occasionally mentioned something about her body being "gross". I just tell her that she's beautiful, sexy, and mine and that nothing about her could ever be "gross". Maybe it's just a matter of slowing down and getting her to relax. Catching her right after a shower when she feels cleanest would probably help. I enjoy performing oral too and my wife always gets off pretty easily that way. I understand why you like it and I'd miss it if mine weren't into it.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

I also hate receiving oral. I think it's a personal preference type thing. Unfortunately my husband likes doing it so I will put up with it for a few minutes and let him do his thing but then when it gets to be too disgusting I make him stop. It feels a bit like one of those St Bernard dogs lapping at a bowl of water (and sounds like it too, haha). I don't think forcing her to endure it will make her love it. I think you just need to accept the fact that she isn't into it and do other stuff instead. You make her have multiple orgasms so you certainly have nothing to complain about.


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## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

I used to be hesitant of receiving oral... especially in my dating days.
It wasn't that I thought my body was gross, but occasionally I'd be self conscious about the level of cleanliness after a long day at work.

_To me the biggest reason I didn't let anyone do it, was that I felt very vulnerable._ It also seemed extremely intimate- more so than sex. So I reserved it for the person I felt truly in love with- I felt like allowing someone to go down on me and making me cum that way, was a really a release of control for me. I had to trust the person who was doing it with every fiber of my being.

I am not sure if this is your wife's problem or not...

Some people aren't comfortable losing themselves to the abandon of pleasure- some people like to remain in control of their bodies and mind and what comes out of their mouth. When I cum that way, I thrash and say some pretty ridiculous stuff. I often feel slightly foolish afterwards when i remember how carried away I got.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Mrs.LonelyGal said:


> I used to be hesitant of receiving oral... especially in my dating days.
> It wasn't that I thought my body was gross, but occasionally I'd be self conscious about the level of cleanliness after a long day at work.
> 
> _To me the biggest reason I didn't let anyone do it, was that I felt very vulnerable._ It also seemed extremely intimate- more so than sex. So I reserved it for the person I felt truly in love with- I felt like allowing someone to go down on me and making me cum that way, was a really a release of control for me. I had to trust the person who was doing it with every fiber of my being.
> ...


Enjoy sex & enjoy yourself.

Release the beast in you! It feels soooo good! 

Why foolish? 
It's only between you & your husband in the bedroom. 

Your husband will love to see you let go yourself and go insane. He will love you 10 times more!

Let go!


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## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

I have gotten a lot more comfortable over the years. Not really an issue anymore. Especially now that I am really working on our sex life and trying to make it more enjoyable for both of us.

But I was definitely like this in the early days of our relationship (12 years ago) and then it crept back up and started to become an issue again when the porn problem became prevalent. It all comes down to trust.
My security level must be solid for me to feel comfortable enough to let go and enjoy sex and actually have an orgasm- through vaginal or oral.


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## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

I could of never married my husband if he wasn't into oral. I couldn't even of dated him. It's mandatory for me. I love the fact that he craves me, it's like a drug to him. It works both ways for us, we both love giving and receiving. 

I have a friend of mine that is grossed out by it also. I could never understand, for her it was about control.


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## tinyturt (Nov 4, 2010)

Mine too. She doesn't want to give or receive. Me--> I like to give and receive.


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## Misha_O (Dec 19, 2010)

76Trombones said:


> I also hate receiving oral. I think it's a personal preference type thing. Unfortunately my husband likes doing it so I will put up with it for a few minutes and let him do his thing but then when it gets to be too disgusting I make him stop. It feels a bit like one of those St Bernard dogs lapping at a bowl of water (and sounds like it too, haha). I don't think forcing her to endure it will make her love it. I think you just need to accept the fact that she isn't into it and do other stuff instead. You make her have multiple orgasms so you certainly have nothing to complain about.


:iagree: 
I completely agree. I do not like receiving oral at all. I find it gross. My husband loves to do it but I very rarely let him. It is a personal choice, not everyone likes the same things, and is probably something that you guys will just have to work out for your situation. I wouldn't force the issue either, she may come to resent it.

And yes, if she is getting multiple orgasms, she is satisfied!


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## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

Hey, I was thinking more about this.
There might just be something about your technique she doesn't like. There is this certain thing my husband does that makes me feel gross... I am not sure what it is exactly that he is doing, but it isn't pleasurable. So I ask him to stop when he starts doing it. Sometimes he gets a little to carried away and it hurts, so I stop him and ask him to slow down or stop gnawing on that one area.
Also, if his facial hair is prickly ( especially the mustache area) it hurts.

All that being said- I love it when it is done right- with my pleasure in mind.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

I've been with my wife for 12 years and until the last few months only gone down on my wife a few times. She was exactly the same way as you explained your wife is - she thought oral on her was gross or dirty. I would try occassionally but she would push me away, drove me crazy because I LOVE to go down there, could do it for hours 

All of the sudden a few months ago we saw a movie (a regular film, not a porn) and there was a scene where a guy went down on a girl and the film showed her face while she was having an intense orgasm. Ever since then she's pushed my head down there several times and getting much more relaxed about the idea. I've gone down on her more times over the last 3 months then our entire relationship before that. Thank god.

So I wouldn't give up, you just never know. I don't think you want to me overly pushy about it but if she gets really horny and maybe a little tipsy you could move yourself down there and start. If she can really enjoy it and be relaxed about it a few times maybe she'll start changing her tune.


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## JrsMrs (Dec 27, 2010)

A few thoughts:
I wonder if she has a little worry about being clean. Who can enjoy themselves if they're wondering the whole time if their partner is being greeted by the scent of a sweaty post-workout crotch or an errant piece of tp? I think getting her right after a bath or shower would just ease her mind if that's the case. Also, it certainly wouldn't hurt to give her some verbal encouragement while you're doing it. Make sure you tell her how great she smells/tastes/looks, or how much it turns you on to do that to her. Reassuring her that there is nothing unappealing about it from your perspective should go a long way.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Also, some caramel sauce or chocolate sauce drizzled all over her to be licked off..... start elsewhere and work your way down. Or there's good ol' Reddy Whip!


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