# needing help to save 6 yrs



## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

hello,wow a forum to talk about relationships.No more annoyed friends lol.anyways I have been with the same girl for the past 6 yrs aside from a 3 month period where we split due to an emotional freak out she had,but what has me to this point is that this is my fault I feel.oct 25th we was heading to a bar for a party and we got into a small fight with the trafvel arangments being changed at the last minute.we have had prolly 300,000 fights in the past 6 yrs and she says this one was the final one and she will never ever be with me again.I have said sorry a million times,Ive cried 40 gallons of tears on her floor and ive wore the knees out in my pants from preying to her to please give me another chance,but she don't belive that things will ever change and ill always fight with her,but the truth is id never have another crossed word with her because I simply cant live with out her smile,her kiss,and her love.and what makes things the worst Is that she is a step mom to my son who remembers nothing more than me and her being together since he was only a year old when we started dating and now he has to deal with this separation as well.She says she loves me and will never stop,and she wants to be with me but just cant put herself though all of this again only to have another 6 yrs thrown away when she has a guy who wants to treat her good and not fight,but she isn't dating him yet.what can I do to get my girl back?ive begged preyed to god and spent about $200 on her since the break up,rubbed her feet,gave her several massages,and even cleaned her house to try and make her feel special and its done no good


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

If you love something set it free
If it comes back, it is yours
If it doesn't, it never was


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

I am not quite sure what exactly you are saying you did. Did she leave you because you booked the wrong flight?


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

wrong flight?no we live in the same town.2 weeks before the party we planned it out to go,just me and her.then her stupid party loving girl friend says she has to go and now my girl didn't want me riding cause they would want to listen to girly music and not want to come home same time as me and whatever else...so yeah I got mad seeing as she blew me off like that.I think I was justified so we started talking then arguing then it turned into a fight and now shes gone.Her friend has caused us problems before but she wont leave her friend because basically its the only one she has.I need actual help not quotes and sayings about love and life,no offense but that don't help


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

It would be helpful to know a little more info.
What were the other 299,999 fights with her about?


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

Have you shown true remorse? The way you describe her friend seems to me like you are pinning the breakup on her. 

Sending money to say you are sorry doesn't do nearly as much as humbling yourself and showing real remorse.

Anyways, if none of that works, she either needs space, or she has moved on and so should you.


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

the other fights have been about so many things,the past is never left in the past with her,she cant let things go,things that happened 4 years ago has been brought up in the past 2 weeks with hurt feelings.and im not saying her friend is the exact cause but she has a lot to do with it.She wants my girl to be single so she always has someone to hang out with so....but I have shown her in every possible way that I truly am sorry and that I truly do love her and that ill do anything possible to never have these problems again but she says ive already used all my chances in the past.idk what else to do right now


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

Have you changed your HEART? Again, up above you called her friend stupid, and seemed to make light of the reasons she wanted to go with her friend instead of you. You can say you are sorry, and buy candy until the cows come home. But until you can truly respect her wishes even if you disagree with them, you won't seem sorry to her. (And honestly, until you can do that, you probably aren't really sorry.). 

It's hard to hear I know. But that's what I see as a random anonymous Internet person.


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

whathappenedtome said:


> Have you changed your HEART? Again, up above you called her friend stupid, and seemed to make light of the reasons she wanted to go with her friend instead of you. You can say you are sorry, and buy candy until the cows come home. But until you can truly respect her wishes even if you disagree with them, you won't seem sorry to her. (And honestly, until you can do that, you probably aren't really sorry.).
> 
> It's hard to hear I know. But that's what I see as a random anonymous Internet person.


no I havent called her friend names in front of her and ive been very respectful of her wishes


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

but see the 1st thing I did was tell her how sorry I was and how much I loved her,well I wanted to show her so I went and bought a really nice card,really pretty flowers and bought some strawberrys and and some sugar,while she was at work I went ot her house made her bed,arranged the rosses aroundthe card and cut up the strawberries in a bowl and put the bowl of strawberries and sugar on her bed next to the flowers and card.Printed a picture of me,her and my son and framed it and placed it on the opposite side of the flowers and in the card I wrote her 2 poems which I have never done for a girl (and im 27 years old) and I waited for her to get home and find them,well I had to make her go in there while I texted her after an hour and a half of her being home and not entering her room I didn't want the strawberries going bad well I went over later after she had found them and we spent the entire night together (awake) and had breakfast and everything was good but after she went to sleep and woke up the next day BOOM right back to being distant and resenting me.So I talked to her a few days and then I got her car and completely detailed it since I do that for a living and I went out and bought her a beautiful necklace and hid it within her car till I was around to help her find it with key words to open the sunvisor and she liked it but wouldn't accept it,she said didn't feel right about it cuase we wasn't getting back together,well I went with her to her uncles funeral for support and a sholder to cry on and we had a pretty good day and that's when she said she wants to be with me but cant go through all the stress and fighting anymore so after she fell asleep I cleaned her entire house cuase she said he had a lot to do but was so tired,today she calls and says she cant keep talkingto me cuase it isn't gonna hekp me move on no matter how much Ive told her I don't wana move on I only want to be with her and our family forvever.Thats the short version of the dasy since the fight


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i like the if you love her set her free if she comes back its meant to be.......but it is more like if you love her set her free if she comes back no one else wanted her


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

Ask yourself, in this very moment, are you thinking more about her happiness or yours?


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

terrence4159 said:


> i like the if you love her set her free if she comes back its meant to be.......but it is more like if you love her set her free if she comes back no one else wanted her


well someone else does want her.Shes been seeing him here and there and they text and talk everyday


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

whathappenedtome said:


> Ask yourself, in this very moment, are you thinking more about her happiness or yours?


hers.I want nothing more but to make her happy but of course I want her back


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

TMiller said:


> hello,wow a forum to talk about relationships.No more annoyed friends lol.anyways I have been with the same girl for the past 6 yrs aside from a 3 month period where we split due to an emotional freak out she had,but what has me to this point is that this is my fault I feel.oct 25th we was heading to a bar for a party and we got into a small fight with the trafvel arangments being changed at the last minute.we have had prolly 300,000 fights in the past 6 yrs and she says this one was the final one and she will never ever be with me again.I have said sorry a million times,Ive cried 40 gallons of tears on her floor and ive wore the knees out in my pants from preying to her to please give me another chance,but she don't belive that things will ever change and ill always fight with her,but the truth is id never have another crossed word with her because I simply cant live with out her smile,her kiss,and her love.and what makes things the worst Is that she is a step mom to my son who remembers nothing more than me and her being together since he was only a year old when we started dating and now he has to deal with this separation as well.She says she loves me and will never stop,and she wants to be with me but just cant put herself though all of this again only to have another 6 yrs thrown away when she has a guy who wants to treat her good and not fight,but she isn't dating him yet.what can I do to get my girl back?ive begged preyed to god and spent about $200 on her since the break up,rubbed her feet,gave her several massages,and even cleaned her house to try and make her feel special and its done no good


My advice would be to step back and give her some space. Putting to much pressure doesn't help. You made a mistake and apologized for it and thats all you can do. If you were sincere with, then just give it time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

JustHer said:


> If you love something set it free
> If it comes back, it is yours
> If it doesn't, it never was


I like that, and it's so true
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

RSFWID said:


> My advice would be to step back and give her some space. Putting to much pressure doesn't help. You made a mistake and apologized for it and thats all you can do. If you were sincere with, then just give it time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

You sound really clingy to me. If you are sincere about wanting this to work, I'd really suggest backing off. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but the clinginess will only drive her away faster. 

Are you guys married?


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

TMiller said:


> when she has a guy who wants to treat her good and not fight,but she isn't dating him yet.


You've had a 6 year relationship,yet she already knows this about another guy.What's that about? You sure he's been just waiting in the wings?


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

Im not clingy I just cant do this separation thing.it seems to me like the more space I give her the less and less she is gonna think about me,and the more time she will have with him.She knew him already but the night we broke up he flirted his way into her head and now they have been talking but aren't together officially yet.How can space be the best thing for us?even if she comes back later that's more pain ill have to work though to be with her and whatever she did with him to add to that pain to work through.and no we was engaged at one time but that went to hell during a fight and we never got back to that stage.when she wanted to I didn't and then when I wanted to be engaged she didnt


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

TMiller said:


> Im not clingy I just cant do this separation thing.it seems to me like the more space I give her the less and less she is gonna think about me,and the more time she will have with him.She knew him already but the night we broke up he flirted his way into her head and now they have been talking but aren't together officially yet.How can space be the best thing for us?even if she comes back later that's more pain ill have to work though to be with her and whatever she did with him to add to that pain to work through.and no we was engaged at one time but that went to hell during a fight and we never got back to that stage.when she wanted to I didn't and then when I wanted to be engaged she didnt


First off, from your posts it doesn't sound like you've given her any space at all if you're going into her house to leave her stuff whenever you feel like it.

Secondly, if your relationship is so volatile that all you guys do is fight, what is there that you think she wants to save?
Who starts these fights? You or her?



> even if she comes back later that's more pain ill have to work though to be with her and whatever she did with him to add to that pain to work through.


This whole thing is you thinking about YOUR needs. What about hers?


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

Honestly she starts almost all of the fights. but anyways She is sending me mixed signals so its not easy for me to let go when sometimes I feel so close to getting through to her. I don't understand her at all a lot of times, she keeps reminding me how come we are over as if I haven't paid for it enough knowing she is with another guy.all she keeps saying is all she wanted was my love and attention even though I gave it to her constantly she says I didn't treat her special enough,and then she wants to remind me about the hurt i've caused in the past and she just keeps beating me down over it and I keep saying sorry and trying to work past it with herand I get no where at all.is space really the best option here????


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

TMiller said:


> Honestly she starts almost all of the fights. but anyways She is sending me mixed signals so its not easy for me to let go when sometimes I feel so close to getting through to her. I don't understand her at all a lot of times, she keeps reminding me how come we are over as if I haven't paid for it enough knowing she is with another guy.all she keeps saying is all she wanted was my love and attention even though I gave it to her constantly she says I didn't treat her special enough,and then she wants to remind me about the hurt i've caused in the past and she just keeps beating me down over it and I keep saying sorry and trying to work past it with herand I get no where at all.is space really the best option here????


She's running the guilt ttip on you, dont fall for that. Its time to fo the we 180 look it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

no woman who is "in love" immediately has a "thing" with some guy they know immediately after a break up. dude, your chick played you. this guy has been working his way in for a while, she's now moved on. stop the clingy, "I can't make it without you" attitude, take the necklace back and buy some new, hot clothes, and go out and get hit on by new women, preferably where someone who knows her sees, so it can get back to her. when she comes sniffing back around, make it clear you've kicked her azz to the curb, and are trading up for a hotter, sexier, freakier model... that won't cheat.


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

well this has happened one time before as I stated in the very first post,she went all crazy I got with a different girl then she suddenly wanted me back,as for me and that other girl I messed it up by hanging out with this recvent girl one night and that was 2 years ago.but I don't want to find a new girl,Im 27,got a kid and have spent the last 6 yrs with this girl so I want to make it work,so again is leaving her alone the only way I might be able to get her back???


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

when what you are doing isn't working, it's time to try something else. let me write you a prescription: go out and take home two bombshells, and tell us how it feels in about a month. either she will have magically regained interest, or you will be having so much fun you will barely remember her.

dude, you are 27. enjoy some life.


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

soulsearch said:


> when what you are doing isn't working, it's time to try something else. let me write you a prescription: go out and take home two bombshells, and tell us how it feels in about a month. either she will have magically regained interest, or you will be having so much fun you will barely remember her.
> 
> dude, you are 27. enjoy some life.


u sir are goin to get me into a whole different kinda mess lol


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

TMiller said:


> well this has happened one time before as I stated in the very first post,she went all crazy I got with a different girl then she suddenly wanted me back,as for me and that other girl I messed it up by hanging out with this recvent girl one night and that was 2 years ago.but I don't want to find a new girl,Im 27,got a kid and have spent the last 6 yrs with this girl so I want to make it work,so again is leaving her alone the only way I might be able to get her back???


The thing is, you may very well lose her either way.
But the way I see it is she's got the fun and excitement of a new boytoy and the comfort and safety of the relationship she had with you. But she can't have it both ways.

You're not doing either of you any favors by doing her chores and buying her pretty things. She needs to make a choice, she can't have both. By you not giving her space, she KNOWS you're always gonna be available for her, and that makes the new guy that much more exciting. 
Go dark on her. Stop buying her gifts, stop showing up at her place. If it's going to happen, showing that she COULD lose you too will give you your best chance.


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

is it bad that I got mad at kinda went off on her tonight over all this crap?I turned the tables on her and she got SUPER defensive and just like always her first reation was anger.she will get mad before she ever does anything else.I told her I was just gonna let her go,I hope he makes u happy since u gave up your family and she said it wastn because of him and as someone said in this thread u don't just break up and instantly connect with someone else,and that's where it went downhill,now she has told me to screw off basically and leave her alone.I left a lot out in this post btw but that's the run down


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

she got all emotional and had to bring up the past again.Why can she not let the past be done?thats why we are broke up


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

TMiller said:


> is it bad that I got mad at kinda went off on her tonight over all this crap?I turned the tables on her and she got SUPER defensive and just like always her first reation was anger.she will get mad before she ever does anything else.I told her I was just gonna let her go,I hope he makes u happy since u gave up your family and she said it wastn because of him and as someone said in this thread u don't just break up and instantly connect with someone else,and that's where it went downhill,now she has told me to screw off basically and leave her alone.I left a lot out in this post btw but that's the run down


I don't know if it's necessarily bad, but it confirms to me what I have thought for most of this thread:

You are not really sorry for the fights, and you are only thinking about your needs and cloaking it in doing nice things for her. 

It's time to completely let her go.


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## LivingBreathing (Feb 21, 2013)

You can't persuade her to come back. You need to stop what you’re doing now! The only thing you are accomplishing is that you are pushing her further away. Do your due diligence here. She wants space from you and you've got to give it to her because she is going to get it anyway. What are your options? You either walk away or you drive her further away. 
The reason she is not responding in a positive way to your showering her with flowers, cards and gifts is because these are gestures you make to a woman when you are in a relationship, not in a breakup. It is probably having the opposite effect on her than you intend. Rather than getting you closer, it is most likely pushing her away.
At this point, sad to say, just about everything you do will push her away. If you call her, write her a poem, mail her a letter, send e-mail, look in her direction; pushing her away. You do not want to hear this. Nobody does. It is not instinctive. 
The one thing that you can do that gives you the best chance of success is doing the 180.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Sorry but I did skip a few posts on this thread.

Based on what you mentioned in your (OP) posts, you are showing "your" girl that you have no value.

You are putting all her needs ahead of yours. Not saying that some actions are over the top, but it seems like you are willing to be 2nd place in the relationship.

Take some time and really see what are getting from the relationship and think about its worth to you.

Fair disclosure - I'm (was) a Nice Guy to and always put myself last....not anymore because I just can't do it anymore. I'm good enough to warrant some attention and I also deserve to be treated well.


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

well today was a break through,with everything I read on here the most repeated things was to back off and leave her alone.So today I sent a simple text that read a few things about my son and said this is me saying good bye.Im giving up.She nearly immediately called me wanting to talk about us and though we aren't currently back together we did do some talking and did take a step in the right direction :smthumbup:
I just hope things continue to go in a forward angle...


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## TMiller (Nov 7, 2013)

Noble1 said:


> Sorry but I did skip a few posts on this thread.
> 
> Based on what you mentioned in your (OP) posts, you are showing "your" girl that you have no value.
> 
> ...


yeah the nice guy routine is hard to play sometimes when u are being treated like crap but that's the approach I have to take right now.


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