# How do I improve myself and let go of bad habits



## GTA06

Well this new thread I am starting to welcome suggestions to improve myself :
Let me begin with the kind of addictions I have and beahvioral problems and I am hoping if anyone can suggest how I can over come these problems.
I confess to one thing that I am a porn addict something that I have carefully hidden from my family and spouse.I can't imagine the kind of hell that can break loose if I got found out. Since my separation my addiction I can say has gone intense to such an extent that i am wasting nearly 2 hours a day continuously on this garbage. I never knew that porn would become so addictive for me and I never have people IRL who can suggest something or I could have opened up to about this. I am seriously very handicapped about how to end this cycle of virtual **** since I am finding myself extremely difficult to function .It has deeply affected me and I want to improve myself in this aspect for my wife. Since I am now beginning to realize that this habit is pulling me away from important things in life and have kind of made me a loner.I find myself difficult to express myself socially.
Please hit me with suggestions as to how to improve myself.


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## trey69

Kudos to you for reconizing that you have a problem and that you want to try and do something about it. 

My suggestion to you is, seek out a counselor that specializes in addictions. You said that your spouse doesn't know about this addiction, but you are separated, may I ask what led to the separation?


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## CallaLily

Talk with a therapist. Get you some books on dealing with addictions. Seek out SA support groups in your area and attend those. Just a few suggestions.


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## Mavash.

The first step is understanding. What are you trying to escape from?

And yes therapy would be highly beneficial.


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## jenniferswe

First thing is to talk to God. Have God help show you why you've picked these bad habits. When that is done, you can deal with the core problem and the bad habits should go away in time.


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## lamaga

Jennifer, please don't do that. I myself am a person of faith, but this is not the forum for evangelizing.


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## GTA06

I will admit ave to one thing that I have been an extremely insecure person through out my youth.I have very low self esteem and although I know I am much better intellectually than my peers(I had ranked <1000 in an exam taken by 1.5 million students in India) but I get easily get distracted and dissatisfied by routine work. It;s really difficult for me to express these things and my father says I have a very big ego that's always craving for attention . But for me it's more out of desire to learn newer things in life , go for a run , meditate but life is just so stressful that I can't even go for a walk without some issue bogging my head down .You have so very limited options to explore and expand yourself intellectually in India and the options you have priced like anything e.g if I wanted to learn french but the nearest (or I must say the only ) institute was charging around Rs.15,000 that too for a 2-month course.Thank god somebody told me about Rosetta Stone


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## ronnytote

Just join this forum and its my first post reply. You must do something in order to busy yourself. Go to Gym , Join some club,..etc..


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

GTA06 said:


> I will admit ave to one thing that I have been an extremely insecure person through out my youth.I have very low self esteem and although I know I am much better intellectually than my peers(I had ranked <1000 in an exam taken by 1.5 million students in India) but I get easily get distracted and dissatisfied by routine work. It;s really difficult for me to express these things and my father says I have a very big ego that's always craving for attention . But for me it's more out of desire to learn newer things in life , go for a run , meditate but life is just so stressful that I can't even go for a walk without some issue bogging my head down .You have so very limited options to explore and expand yourself intellectually in India and the options you have priced like anything e.g if I wanted to learn french but the nearest (or I must say the only ) institute was charging around Rs.15,000 that too for a 2-month course.Thank god somebody told me about Rosetta Stone


You do have time for a walk, run, or meditating if you substitute out the porn habit. You know this for a fact because two hours is two hours. Hence, the addiction. If you can get past the initial impulse and take control of it, even once, to go for a walk instead of watching the porn, then you will begin to feel empowered and in control. 

Having a high IQ is a two-edged sword. People think it's easier to have a high IQ however this is a fallacy. Creativity and being able to think about options and alternatives is great, the possibilities in your fantasy life to become realities are greater in number because of latent talen, however, it also becomes more difficult to 
stay in the present moment, because your mind is strong it can travel off to other places. You need to obtain training to harness your creativity and fantasy life and to bring it back to center, and to tell it to stay put while you feed energy into your present life. You can get this training through therapy or you can get it through meditation, or ideally, you can get this training through both of these venues. You might want to even consider medication in the short term if suggested by therapist/psychiatrist/addiction specialist. 

You need to give up the belief that because you have higher intelligence things are supposed to be easier for you, or that it means that you should have more control over your impulses. If you are out of range, then you have been given a mind that has great potential, but until you learn to be in the driver's seat of this mind, things will be out of control. Think of it as sitting on a race horse, you saddle and harness and hold the reins and are ultimately in control of how and when to race, but at some point, you have to let the horse make some decisions to really win the race. Treating your mind like a race horse in some respects will earn you benefits.

I think your addiction is just some kind of manifestation of the need to address the challenges of having high IQ and staying present in your life so that you can enjoy it more 'normally' and connect to others who are in your life.


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