# Going through month 3 of separation-he wont move home, but wants to date me?



## ariamm (Jun 11, 2012)

Help, I am new to this forum. I have been separated for three months now. No specific reason, just a lot of fighting. We have been together for 10 years, we have two children ages 4 and 6. He moved out, and we had a rough couple of weeks. I went to see a lawyer and so did he...I thought it was hopeless.

Then as time passed, he started coming around as lot more. We have a business together so I have to talk to him daily. He started taking me out on dates, spending time with us as a family (even more than ever), spending the night, etc.

Now I am at a point where I think it is time for him to come home, I am feeling like he isn't committing to me that he will be coming home. I feel like it is an unfair situation, he sees me when he wants to... and then leaves if he wants to. He spent four nights at the house last week and this past weekend. 

I understand I need to give him space, but shouldn't I have some indication whether he is going to work it out with me at this point and come home? My friends said actions speak louder than words, and I believe this...but I need to hear it?

I feel like I am in a limbo game with him, I need some security. He is happy living separatley, why wouldnt he be? I broke down and told him today that I need more from him...which then turned into a fight...but I really feel like this is so on "his" terms. I also feel like I have done nothing but try to move forward with him and have not got much back verbally (commitment to moving back home) Stuck... don't know how to feel anymore. I feel like I have been happier with this new relationship, but sad when he leaves...I am just not happy because it feels unfair to me.

Thanks


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Is their another party involved ? or was he having an affair ?? sounds like he is cake eating ?? have yall been to Marriage Counseling ?


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## ariamm (Jun 11, 2012)

No third party involved, we have been to counseling numerous times, to no avail before this. I feel the same way. He tells me he loves me, he tells me that he likes that we are getting along better than we ever have, but doesnt want to move back in with me because he doesnt want to fight ever again like we used to fight. (never physical; but equally as bad).

Kind of stuck.


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## ariamm (Jun 11, 2012)

he has even planned a vacation with me for the end of July! This really threw me for a loop. I am just about as confused as you can get!


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I feel that maybe you should set some boundaries like is this the type of marriage you want ?? if not sit him down and explain that this is unacceptable to you and that this is what you want then list everything that you want in your marriage if he is unable or undecided then you might need to take the next step ie legal advice etc limbo is no fun for all parties


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

If your best friend was going through something similar with their relationship what would be your advice ?? herein you will find your answer


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## ariamm (Jun 11, 2012)

Would I be invading on his time he needs? We did have a pretty rotton relationship, and I know it takes time to heal. I just feel like he should have some indication whether he wants to work on it or not, other than showing me, I need to hear it.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

ariamm said:


> Would I be invading on his time he needs? We did have a pretty rotton relationship, and I know it takes time to heal. I just feel like he should have some indication whether he wants to work on it or not, other than showing me, I need to hear it.


I am not sure of what you mean was yalls plan to take 6 months or year and evaluate ?? or learn how to fight better so their isnt much trauma on either side ??


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Ughhh....I would probably start pulling back if he was unwilling to commit. If you need him to move back in for this relationship to work...then he needs to move back in...if he is unwilling..there are issues. You can be divorced and go back to dating him if that is what he still wants after he has had a chance to feel the consequences of divorce...buying you out of the business or equally splitting profits, giving up the house, signing over a vehicle, splitting property, child support/spousal support. 

Maybe he is just buying time so he can position himself better for divorce?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You should start looking into the 180. Start showing him that he can't keep having the happy single life and stable married life; he has to chose one or the other. Right now, there's no consequence to to him eating his cake and having it too, so why wouldn't he keep on doing it?

C
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## kd123 (Jun 18, 2012)

ariamm said:


> Help, I am new to this forum. I have been separated for three months now. No specific reason, just a lot of fighting. We have been together for 10 years, we have two children ages 4 and 6. He moved out, and we had a rough couple of weeks. I went to see a lawyer and so did he...I thought it was hopeless.
> 
> Then as time passed, he started coming around as lot more. We have a business together so I have to talk to him daily. He started taking me out on dates, spending time with us as a family (even more than ever), spending the night, etc.
> 
> ...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Date him.

Trust me. Just date him.

But tell him the dates will have some talk about you guys as a couple.


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## kd123 (Jun 18, 2012)

This is just my opinion...... I have been separated for almost 6 months with absolutely no end in sight. Has repeatedly told me he's not ready to come home. We went through the dating period and sexual relations but would never spend the night- that obviously was more personal then the sex ?,,,,! I pushed for more and more before he was ready. I knew better - now we are back at square one again barely communicating- and no dates- no sex. My suggestion to you is take it slow.....don't push him into something he's not ready for .if you are willing to take the chance of losing everything insist he comes home. You just may not get the answer you want and he will retreat. Yes being in limbo sucks but you are the only one that can judge his sincerity.
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