# why is everyone against threesomes?



## bag (Dec 1, 2015)

i read on these forums how 96% of marriages that partake, end in divorce.....i have a hard time believing???


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I don't know if that is accurate. 

I think where threesomes go awry is when the partner who instigates the threesome wants an opposite sex third person. A husband who's wife demands a FMM threesome is probably going to have some reservations if not outright refusing to do so. If he goes through with it, the jealousy of seeing another man have sex with his wife could cause serious problems. Same with a wife who's husband demands a FFM threesome. 

Another problem we see is when a wife, who wants to have a MMF, will often times talk her husband into a FFM just to grease the rails. He will enthusiastically go through with it, she will let him bang another woman, but then she will ask for a MMF with the caveat that she gets to pick the guy. How can the husband refuse if she let him have his fun with another woman? And usually the wife has picked out the other man long before she ever broaches the subject with her husband. 

And another problem is the couple will have a threesome looking for some innocent fun, but then one of them will get hung up on the third person and have an affair. 

Threesomes just open up a marriage to too many temptations and dangers. That's why many of us here are against them.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

I don't like to share.


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## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

I figure if both were open to an open marriage both people would already know that while dating.

If someone is interested in 3 somes or whatever, do it before getting married and making a commitment to one person.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I wonder if open marriages that fail just don't end up on TAM very often. It seems the "contract" for an open marriage would be different and allow boundaries that are very very different from monogamous relationships. If that's the case and the marriage fails, perhaps the types of issues that caused the failure might already have been understood by both parties prior to the failure.

Hope that made sense.

I think a lot of marriage issues on TAM are related to communication, not meeting needs and affairs. Seems like open couples don't rely on a single person to meet all their needs, and of course affairs are well understood as risks on an open marriage.

Just a thought


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Very few people are wired for open marriages and threesomes when married. Most people - me included - cannot handle the contradiction something like this is to a marriage given the marital vows that are exchanged.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> I don't know if that is accurate.
> 
> I think where threesomes go awry is when the partner who instigates the threesome wants an opposite sex third person. A husband who's wife demands a FMM threesome is probably going to have some reservations if not outright refusing to do so. If he goes through with it, the jealousy of seeing another man have sex with his wife could cause serious problems. Same with a wife who's husband demands a FFM threesome.
> 
> ...



But, isn't this funny.... in my experience and in talking with friends...it's always been the man asking the woman to have a threesome with another woman. They want to see the two women together and they want to bang the other girl too. When they get a return of - will you do the same for me...it is HE!! NO. And she would be asking for just the guy to bang her, not the husband. That's not even an equal trade. Equal would be the other man doing the husband and the wife. 

Another double standard. it is just NOT fair. tee hee.

Given this seems to be more of a traditional marriage minded board for the reasons above posters gave, I don't think you will find many people who partake in this lifestyle. I have seen a couple of guys talk about it on here, but I could not tell you who they are. Perhaps they will speak up and direct you to a forum that is more appropriate.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

I have an old friend who's in an open marriage. She has a husband and a boyfriend (I don't know if the husband sees anyone else). They've been doing this for years and they're all happy with it. I don't know exactly what marriage vows they took, but she says they aren't breaking them.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I can easily think of 6 open marriages that I personally knew the couples involved. One of those couples is still together, one of them divorced within a couple months of their child graduating high school, and the others lasted less than 10 years. That's only marriages. I also know/knew more than 10 couples who were in long term live in relationships that also opened up their bedroom and none of them are still together.

Between biology and social conditioning, it seems the vast majority cannot handle a non-monogamous intimate relationship long term. So, naturally, going down a road leading to almost certain relationship destruction isn't usually recommended.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

I would actually be more threatened with my wife with another woman than another man, another man I feel up to the competition and that I can go toe to toe with anyone, but I don't have the plumbing or parts to offer what a woman does, to see her get off from a woman would be shocking to my senses.

That said I just avoid them, we've had opportunities and been courted by a few couples in the past, and at times sure it's fun to talk about but real life and fantasy should rarely cross paths.

As for why people are against them, I imagine because it's a relatively common for them to eventually lead to a permanent breakup of the marriage. It's definitely playing with fire.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

where_are_we said:


> But, isn't this funny.... in my experience and in talking with friends...it's always been the man asking the woman to have a threesome with another woman. They want to see the two women together and they want to bang the other girl too. When they get a return of - will you do the same for me...it is HE!! NO. And she would be asking for just the guy to bang her, not the husband. That's not even an equal trade. Equal would be the other man doing the husband and the wife.
> 
> Another double standard. it is just NOT fair. tee hee.


Many men can have sex with more than one woman without switching allegiance, whereas not many women seem to do that. That would suggest that MMF is more hazardous to a marriage than MFF. 

As for your "equal trade" suggestion, it is far more common for essentially heterosexual women to be okay with the idea of having sex with another woman than for essentially heterosexual men to be okay with the idea of having sex with another man.

These are just a couple of ways that men and women are different.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

bag said:


> i read on these forums how 96% of marriages that partake, end in divorce.....i have a hard time believing???


The truth is, you usually only hear about the failures on these forums, because people are seeking advice on how to fix problems when they arise. Yes, problems sometimes do arise, especially when people go into these things unprepared and without thinking through all the issues and potential consequences. If you haven't thoroughly discussed it and are all in complete agreement, don't do it. It's that simple.

Of course, many people do have threesomes and don't have problems. You don't hear much about those, of course. I can say I know dozens of people who have had them - or have done couple swaps - without any problems, and they have done this for years, or even decades in some cases. From what I've seen and heard, the majority are FFM - the women are bi. In fact, by far most FFM threesomes are initiated by women. The next most common is MFM, I think, followed by FMF which many guys fantasize about but happens less in practice, it seems. _The success rate is probably much higher than the divorce rate for monogamous couples.
_ I'd estimate well over 80% success, vs. perhaps 50% or less success for marriages. 

I don't think they care about vows - lots of vows aren't really observed in many marriages anyway (just read the threads here a while and that's obvious), and people feel they can have the right to make their own agreements in their own marriages anyway.

Of course, perhaps less than 10% of all couples ever try this in any form in any relationship, but that's still 10's of millions of successes. Is it risky? Yes. Is it rewarding - usually yes. You have to decide for yourself what's worth risking and in what ways.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

bag said:


> i read on these forums how 96% of marriages that partake, end in divorce.....i have a hard time believing???


I have a hard time believing how hard it is to make a marriage with just two people work.

If you read David Schnarch, he says that marriage (if done properly) is the hardest thing that two people can do. It requires two individuals to grow and be constantly stretched as they grow by either being pulled or by pushing their spouse to reach new compromises on every aspect of their lives and marriage. If you add in children and child-rearing that complicates most marriages to the breaking point.

If you then add in a third consenting adult individual, you have to be making 3-way compromises on many aspects of the "marriage/3-way relationship" where one is pushing/pulling the other two and everyone is in a near constant state of demanded growth or emotional stretching. How exhausting!

To accomplish that for any length of time on any but the most "basic F-budy" level would, in my opinion, be almost impossible.

Also remember that sex between two people releases all kinds of feel good bonding hormones. That means that the people who engage in sex will basically want the other person for themselves. So a really "well-oiled" threesome, will be constantly trying to pair-bond and un-pairbond so they can pair-bond with the other.

So, no the percentage relationship failure number you quote isn't all that surprising to me. 

If there is a strong social reinforcing glue to multiple partner marriages (certain polygamous religions) and no economic freedom or mobility along with no chance of taking ones children out fo the group, then it can work.

​


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

Sex isn't just physical for me, its a way for me to show my partner how much I love him and adore every part of him. Its highly emotional and is one of the key components to the way we connect and bond with each other. It also requires a high degree of trust and my husband is the only man I trust in that way.

I know that some people claim that open marriage sex is just about physical satisfaction but I just can't identify because I've never had sex that way and never desired to.

There's just nothing about having sex with someone other than my husband that appeals to me in any way. It actually kind of grosses me out to even think about.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> To accomplish that for any length of time on any but the most "basic F-budy" level would, in my opinion, be almost impossible.​


I agree. Involving the same person repeatedly over time seldom happens and seldom works, unless they are actually polyamorous in nature and practice. Even then most such relationships have a limited lifetime (a few years seems typical) from what I've heard and seen - but may actually work very well while they last.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I've got news for you guys. When your woman wants MMF it usually means one of two things. Neither is good for you. Like other areas of life, when someone believe they have to call in another party to assist you, it means either your not up to the standard task that a red blooded man can do or the job is simply more than one man can handle.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

For me the idea is totally unromantic and doing such a thing would tarnish the marriage. I only want my H. And I don't want to share him. This is how I feel, but I can understand that others may be wired differently or view marriage differently.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> I've got news for you guys. When your woman wants MMF it usually means one of two things. Neither is good for you. Like other areas of life, when someone believe they have to call in another party to assist you, it means either your not up to the standard task that a red blooded man can do or the job is simply more than one man can handle.


There is the occasional woman who cannot be satisfied by one man, no matter how good of a partner he is or how hot in the sack he is. I think with such women, they get off on off being desired by several men...and if it is all of them at once, so much the better. It's a validation thing with them.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

EnigmaGirl said:


> Sex isn't just physical for me, its a way for me to show my partner how much I love him and adore every part of him. Its highly emotional and is one of the key components to the way we connect and bond with each other. It also requires a high degree of trust and my husband is the only man I trust in that way.
> 
> I know that some people claim that open marriage sex is just about physical satisfaction but I just can't identify because I've never had sex that way and never desired to.
> 
> There's just nothing about having sex with someone other than my husband that appeals to me in any way. It actually kind of grosses me out to even think about.


You cannot compartmentalize sex from love. I think that is a good thing. 

But many men and women can and do. Compartmentalization is one of the hallmarks of a serial cheater. Such people are risking a lot by engaging in swinging or threesomes, because once they start they often get a taste for it and cannot stop.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Bandit I agree but I'd twist it a bit. I'd say most men compartmentalize naturally but can learn to love and add that. Unfortunately I think many or most people don't get the full experience of sex and love. Therefore they have nothing to compare it to. I think that's the reason most guys at least consider a 3 way when they're young. 1 is good 2 is better right

I only have to snuggle a second with the LOML and I'm rock hard even 30 years later. Can't help it and it's not just sex. But I guess I'm lucky.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
The couples I know who have involved other people have mostly had problems.

I have no moral objections to more-somes. It sounds like great fun (well FMF or FFM anyway). I can imagine having sex with my wife and one of our female friends - we have a great time, maybe we do it again some time. 

But - reality is often different. Sex is emotionally bonding for most people. Most cannot just "have sex" and walk away. There is jealousy, regret etc. 

It DOES work for some people, and I envy people who can enjoy it - but it doesn't work for most.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Bag,

For me one of the big issues with any kind of sex outside of marriage is that it grants a pass to cheat. Couples like to believe they can control it by making rules of contact, for example there was a man on here a week or two ago who was really disturbed by his W almost having sex with some man when he was not there. They had agreed to never play alone.

Also who are you going to have the threesome with, I know that many people end up having them with friends that one of the partners has secretly lusted over for years, but wow what a way to destroy a valuable non-sexual relationship. If you go for some anonymous person from craigslist then you are playing Russian roulette with STD and crazyness.

Tamat


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

MMF is not the same as MFM. FFM is not the same as FMF. 

The first is (overtly) bisexual. The second is not (or repressed ).


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> MMF is not the same as MFM. FFM is not the same as FMF.
> 
> The first is (overtly) bisexual. The second is not (or repressed ).


I think it's so cool you know that...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I wonder if the "expanded" family of sister wives in UT ever do threesomes or if it is always 1-on-1?

I would watch Sister Wives, but I could never get into watching that. Although an extra wife to help take care of the kids and run the house does seem appealing to BOTH my wife and I. Sex seems irrelevant in comparison to the extra help around the house. 

Badsanta


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
agreed.

OTOH, I think any sort of 3some is unlikely to work well unless there is at least some bisexual interest in the 2 same-sex people. 

I'm pretty straight, so I really can't imagine wanting to be in bed with my wife and another naked guy - even if we aren't specifically doing anything to each other.

Imagining my wife and another woman works for me (whether it is FFM of FMF), but I suspect the women would not enjoy either if they were not somewhat bisexual.

This is all separate from the previously mentioned issues with introducing other people into a relationship. 




larry.gray said:


> MMF is not the same as MFM. FFM is not the same as FMF.
> 
> The first is (overtly) bisexual. The second is not (or repressed ).


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I think if you can objectify people and sexual organs you are better able to get involved with and enjoy sex with multiple concurrent or simultaneous partners. Porn definitely works this way and many "normal" married people and couples enjoy this. Of course thinking you can do this and actually doing this are two very different things - that's the rub.


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

I have met several couples who are swingers and have been for many years. A common characteristic with these people is how strong their relationship is with one another. Individually they are very self confident. They also have certain rules that they agree on and follow. I also observed that they have a tendency to "play" with other couples that they have a strong relationship with and are somewhat reluctant to engage in sexual activities with total strangers. The males also seemed to get great pleasure watching their spouse being pleasured my another male or males. While this activity is not for everyone, there are many married couples that actively enjoy this lifestyle and have for many years.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

My folks were approached by a couple, probably in the 1970s, who were swingers. They were at the couples home and tried to separate my parents and couple up.

Pretty conservative suburb of Chicago.

So yes "they're everywhere!" 

I do believe the prior poster - many times it is probably a male fetish - sometimes involving some humiliation and jealousy, sometimes equal pleasure and no jealousy. Different strokes I guess.

I haven't known of anyone personally in the lifestyle but maybe I do and don't know it.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

I think it would amazingly easy to take a wife from a man willing to share her.


55


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

I do not believe that there are that many against threesomes. I am certainly not. I am not against open relationships or even brothels and orgys among consenting adults. What I and many others are against is calling that marriage when it goes directly against the vows you took to become married. You want threesomes and open relationships I say have at it but do not take vows and call it a marriage, simply do whatever you want with whomever you want and leave the vows of marriage out of it. Why marry just to break your word?


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Or write your own vows. There's no requirement that we all say the same words to get married. Some swingers make sure their vows allow for their lifestyle.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

NoChoice said:


> I do not believe that there are that many against threesomes. I am certainly not. I am not against open relationships or even brothels and orgys among consenting adults. What I and many others are against is calling that marriage when it goes directly against the vows you took to become married. You want threesomes and open relationships I say have at it but do not take vows and call it a marriage, simply do whatever you want with whomever you want and leave the vows of marriage out of it. Why marry just to break your word?


Why can't two consenting adults modify their vows? It seems they often do for everything other than sex, after all, so why not this as well? And are you talking about vows in religious ceremonies? Secular marriages may not include some of the traditional vows - I know ours did not.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

technovelist said:


> Many men can have sex with more than one woman without switching allegiance, whereas not many women seem to do that. That would suggest that MMF is more hazardous to a marriage than MFF.
> 
> As for your "equal trade" suggestion, it is far more common for essentially heterosexual women to be okay with the idea of having sex with another woman than for essentially heterosexual men to be okay with the idea of having sex with another man.
> 
> These are just a couple of ways that men and women are different.


OH yeah, totally get that. I also have no interest in watching two men go at it in front of me.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Why can't two consenting adults modify their vows? It seems they often do for everything other than sex, after all, so why not this as well? And are you talking about vows in religious ceremonies? Secular marriages may not include some of the traditional vows - I know ours did not.


Because without stable parameters there is anarchy. There can be modified versions of anything but the word marriage is used to describe a unique merging of two people into one. I have no qualms with anyone joining under any circumstances they choose, I just suggest using another descriptive title such as cojoining or remerging. Or perhaps find a better use for an already existing word, call it divorce.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

NoChoice said:


> Married but Happy said:
> 
> 
> > Why can't two consenting adults modify their vows? It seems they often do for everything other than sex, after all, so why not this as well? And are you talking about vows in religious ceremonies? Secular marriages may not include some of the traditional vows - I know ours did not.
> ...


Curious as to why you would care what term people you don't know use for a relationship you don't know about. Do you believe all the people around you who are married confirm to your definition of marriage?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

NoChoice said:


> Because without stable parameters there is anarchy. There can be modified versions of anything but the word marriage is used to describe a unique merging of two people into one. I have no qualms with anyone joining under any circumstances they choose, I just suggest using another descriptive title such as cojoining or remerging. Or perhaps find a better use for an already existing word, call it divorce.


People said the same thing about gay marriage: call it something else even if it's the same thing. Throughout history - and even today - there have been other kinds and forms of marriage, such as polygamous marriages. It's still marriage, just with different traditions or emphasis. I don't think it's necessary and perhaps not desirable to assign different labels, as eventually or immediately that leads to discrimination.

Besides, fundamentally a threesome does not disrupt stable partners - it's a temporary recreational activity only. No anarchy - imagine that!


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

If we take away religious connotations, marriage simply means people joining together in an official relationship. The idea that only two people can be involved usually has a religious base. And some religions support polygamous marriage.

There's not a standard set of rules for marriage, as you can see if you look at traditional and nontraditional marriages around the world. Probably every version of marriage "doesn't count" to someone out there.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

bag said:


> i read on these forums how 96% of marriages that partake, end in divorce.....i have a hard time believing???


I don't believe that statistic either. I think there's a lot of projection on this issue but if both partners are into it then they're actually very compatible. The problem is when one person feels pressured to act like they're into threesomes just to keep the other person.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

So is it still baseball if we use frisbees and darts instead of gloves, balls and bats?

from google

mar·riage
ˈmerij/
noun
noun: marriage; plural noun: marriages

1.
the legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman (or, in some jurisdictions, two people of the same sex) as partners in a relationship.
"a happy marriage"
synonyms:	wedding, wedding ceremony, marriage ceremony, nuptials, union
"the marriage took place at St. Margaret's"

Define it however you see fit. Rules and traditions are made to be broken.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Curious as to why you would care what term people you don't know use for a relationship you don't know about. Do you believe all the people around you who are married confirm to your definition of marriage?


I find your lack of concern equally as curious.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

NoChoice said:


> So is it still baseball if we use frisbees and darts instead of gloves, balls and bats?
> 
> from google
> 
> ...



Did you see the second part of that definition? 

2. a combination or mixture of two or more elements


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

NoChoice said:


> Because without stable parameters there is anarchy. There can be modified versions of anything but the word marriage is used to describe a unique merging of two people into one. I have no qualms with anyone joining under any circumstances they choose, I just suggest using another descriptive title such as cojoining or remerging. Or perhaps find a better use for an already existing word, call it divorce.


Married couples define their own parameters and if they both respect them then they are indeed stable. Who am I to say that two other people don't love each other because they do things my wife and I don't? I think maybe you're focusing on the religious aspect of marriage rather than the license and legal term.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

google isn't necessarily the final authority. Wikipedia says:


> Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.[1] The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually sexual, are acknowledged. ... Individuals may marry for several reasons, including legal, social, libidinal, emotional, financial, spiritual, and religious purposes. Whom they marry may be influenced by socially determined rules of incest, prescriptive marriage rules, parental choice and individual desire. In some areas of the world, arranged marriage, child marriage, polygamy, and sometimes forced marriage, may be practiced as a cultural tradition. Conversely, such practices may be outlawed and penalized in parts of the world ...
> 
> Polygamy is a marriage which includes more than two partners.[19] When a man is married to more than one wife at a time, the relationship is called polygyny, and there is no marriage bond between the wives; and when a woman is married to more than one husband at a time, it is called polyandry, and there is no marriage bond between the husbands. If a marriage includes multiple husbands and wives, it can be called group marriage.
> 
> A molecular genetic study of global human genetic diversity argued that sexual polygyny was typical of human reproductive patterns until the shift to sedentary farming communities approximately 10,000 to 5,000 years ago in Europe and Asia, and more recently in Africa and the Americas.


As you can see, marriage is a term that depends on the time and the culture. And the people who are involved, it would seem.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

bag said:


> i read on these forums how 96% of marriages that partake, end in divorce.....i have a hard time believing???


Because good quality unicorns of either gender are hard to find, and it's easy for someone with poor relationship skills to take advantage of the situation.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

NoChoice said:


> So is it still baseball if we use frisbees and darts instead of gloves, balls and bats?
> 
> from google
> 
> ...


So I guess we're in agreement? "A formally recognized union of two people" to condense the most abstract bits from your definition. I wonder how formal formal is. My tiddlywinks winks club annual soirée?


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

EnigmaGirl said:


> Sex isn't just physical for me, its a way for me to show my partner how much I love him and adore every part of him. Its highly emotional and is one of the key components to the way we connect and bond with each other. It also requires a high degree of trust and my husband is the only man I trust in that way.
> 
> I know that some people claim that open marriage sex is just about physical satisfaction but I just can't identify because I've never had sex that way and never desired to.
> 
> There's just nothing about having sex with someone other than my husband that appeals to me in any way. It actually kind of grosses me out to even think about.


With my wife sex is highly emotional and totally different than any sex I've ever had with anyone else. I get what you're saying... I'm a guy so the physical aspect of sex is still very appealing even minus that emotional connection, I can definitely separate the two. I can have sex with someone else for the pure physical satisfaction (I don't but could if the opportunity arose), but it wouldn't compare with the emotional connection I get with sex with my wife (but it would still feel pretty dang good).


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: Why is everyone against threesomes?*

*So exactly where is the morality in doing "threesomes?" Is there a keen sense of family pride in participating? Something that you'd particularly like your children and other family members to learn about you?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

NoChoice said:


> TheTruthHurts said:
> 
> 
> > Curious as to why you would care what term people you don't know use for a relationship you don't know about. Do you believe all the people around you who are married confirm to your definition of marriage?
> ...


If I was concerned about what my neighbor 3 blocks down labeled their union, wouldn't I just be inappropriately nosy. That just seems creepy to me TBH


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

One post newbie posts a thread titled "*why is everyone against threesomes?*"



bag said:


> i read on these forums how 96% of marriages that partake, end in divorce.....i have a hard time believing???


And everyone takes off on the predictable squabbles...

Anyhow, the OP's question not really answered is why is "everyone" on TAM against threesomes? The answer is because this is a marriage forum and usually when someone asks about a threesome in their marriage it is obvious there are already stresses and problems in that marriage. In those cases a threesome is going to make things worse, not better.

I can't recall a new member coming here saying they have a strong and wonderful marriage but they are both interested in a 3-some or open marriage situation. In those cases we would probably warn that there seems to be a large number of negative long term outcomes in those situations.

I suspect people in open marriages have a different view of sex than the large majority of married people. For them, open marriages can work. For the majority of us, it can't work. That's why 3-somes are generally advised against on TAM.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

*Re: Why is everyone against threesomes?*



arbitrator said:


> *So exactly where is the morality in doing "threesomes?" Is there a keen sense of family pride in participating? Something that you'd particularly like your children and other family members to learn about you?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As an open polyamorous person the morality is in openly loving and caring about the people in your life and honoring them as non-dependent individuals who are together for interest in something greater than themselves or their self interest. The term _openly_ answers your last part, it is only in more public areas that I do not make an issue of it because some people find it challenging or offensive. While I do not care that it upsets them, like all beliefs, it is lovely to have, and for for the shoving on other people when it's not relevant.

So why are you such a narrow and unloving person that you would only welcome one person into your heart and that you would build your marriage on the binding of law and vow rather than love and commitment, that you would see security in _attempt_ to control others by such a mechanism, rather than have all involved because of their own willing and open commitment.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Threesomes and swinging is all fine.

Cheating is when you're lying, covering up, or pretending anothers words are more permissive than they want.

The betrayal is not about sex or even emotion, it's about trust, sure; but it is also more about people expectations and security. Which is why the lying and the loss of prestige for the other persons' energy/time/attention is so hard hitting /jealousy causing. threesome et al with permission aren't cheating, and open marriages can still have EA and PA - the only bonus is with an A if one person leaves or is removed from the union, the other two are often available to console each other.

One of the problems with the larger families, and I suppose this even affect Father Yod and his followers, is simply a problem of scheduling! One partners parent just died, another partners child is the lead in the school drama... the events are on the same day...that my friends, is a dilemma....


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

badsanta said:


> I wonder if the "expanded" family of sister wives in UT ever do threesomes or if it is always 1-on-1?


From what I understand, no. It seems a shame though. If you're going to have two wives, what better way to wake up every morning than being the filling on a wife sandwich?



badsanta said:


> I would watch Sister Wives, but I could never get into watching that. Although an extra wife to help take care of the kids and run the house does seem appealing to BOTH my wife and I. Sex seems irrelevant in comparison to the extra help around the house.


My wife loves the show. I think it's a "watch NASCAR for the wrecks" type of viewing though. I joke that she secretly wants a sister wife. She tells me that as long as she doesn't have to share the sex she wouldn't mind...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

NoChoice said:


> I do not believe that there are that many against threesomes. I am certainly not. I am not against open relationships or even brothels and orgys among consenting adults. What I and many others are against is calling that marriage when it goes directly against the vows you took to become married. You want threesomes and open relationships I say have at it but do not take vows and call it a marriage, simply do whatever you want with whomever you want and leave the vows of marriage out of it. Why marry just to break your word?


I'm definitely not against any lifestyle adults choose. 

If you ask me for advice? I'm not going to encourage someone to try an open relationship in a marriage. I do think they are detrimental to marriage. If you're going that route, why get married.

OTOH, if someone comes here asking for help to try to convince their spouse to try - I'm going to strongly discourage them.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

technovelist said:


> *Many men can have sex with more than one woman without switching allegiance, whereas not many women seem to do that. That would suggest that MMF is more hazardous to a marriage than MFF. *
> 
> As for your "equal trade" suggestion, it is far more common for essentially heterosexual women to be okay with the idea of having sex with another woman than for essentially heterosexual men to be okay with the idea of having sex with another man.
> 
> These are just a couple of ways that men and women are different.


Many men can fall in love with someone they are having sex with. As well, quite often, men will worry about "owing" the woman something or feeling as if "he had led her on." 

Even if he does not truly believe what he is saying, it's good fodder to manipulate your spouse with.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

In my life experiences I can't say that I'm an expert about this stuff but

1: I immediately can tell if it will be a disaster based on the people. Out of the 20 or so I've know 2 were 'well if anyone can do it they can'

2. For the disproportionate amount of them that do not involve cheating, open relationships are due to significant negative emotional and mental issues on one or both ends (mostly cuckolds and **** queens )

3. Emotions WILL eventually play a role and those that do succeed accommodate for this upfront


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Hope Shimmers (Jul 10, 2015)

I think the term "threesome" conjures up a completely different impression than the term "swinging", when brought up in the context of marriage.

"Threesome", as a topic initiated by the man (which I assume is typically the case), would make me think that he wanted the experience of another woman, while doing so in a way that would possibly be politically correct with me such that I might agree with it. "Swinging", on the other hand, is a lifestyle that involves experiencing sex with different people while in a committed marriage. Two totally separate issues IMO (neither of which I would be okay with in a marriage, despite being very open sexually and very accepting of others' lifestyles).

In general I think that "swinging" would, in the long run, involve more mutual participation by both the husband and wife, versus "threesome" which IME is really just a fantasy that men tend to have much more than women do.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> I'm definitely not against any lifestyle adults choose.
> 
> If you ask me for advice? I'm not going to encourage someone to try an open relationship in a marriage. I do think they are detrimental to marriage. If you're going that route, why get married.
> 
> OTOH, if someone comes here asking for help to try to convince their spouse to try - I'm going to strongly discourage them.


Definitely agree. I tend to discourage people as well, because most aren't prepared to try alternatives such as swinging and open marriages, or their motivations are wrong.

On the other hand, I know they can work - and work well - for _some_ people.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hey BAG!!!

Where did ya go BAG???

C'mon BAGMAN!!! What's up?

You came and went...like the last time I had sex....


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

One post drive by member, lobbing a hot topic at us.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Thor said:


> One post drive by member, lobbing a hot topic at us.


Still it's a nice mindless way to chat without too many people on TAM getting triggered and trying to prove each other wrong and just plain evil. Ya know, which they may be, but decorum should prevent us from saying so as loudly 

Anyway, I did have a MFM last night and it was amazing!

I brought him home after spending quite a lot of time picking out the right qualities.

He started and did his thing, but eventually the wife tired of him and demanded I take over and man, she was ready and we both had a great time!

His most redeeming quality was the fact that he is unattached. Here's his photo;

http://www.pinkcherry.com/ur3-7-inch-****-blush


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Lol the URL got c0ck blocked


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

spotthedeaddog said:


> arbitrator said:
> 
> 
> > *So exactly where is the morality in doing "threesomes?" Is there a keen sense of family pride in participating? Something that you'd particularly like your children and other family members to learn about you?*
> ...


Because it's adultry.........Christ listed it as one of the things that "If you practice such things, you WILL NOT inherit the kingdom of God"

I pitty them as that verse tells me if someone dies while being unrepentant in that lifestyle....they will go to Hell.
A little pleasure is not worth an eternity of torture in hell.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Hope Shimmers said:


> "Threesome", as a topic initiated by the man (which I assume is typically the case), would make me think that he wanted the experience of another woman, while doing so in a way that would possibly be politically correct with me such that I might agree with it. "Swinging", on the other hand, is a lifestyle that involves experiencing sex with different people while in a committed marriage. Two totally separate issues IMO (neither of which I would be okay with in a marriage, despite being very open sexually and very accepting of others' lifestyles).


I do also think it is initiated more by men, but it isn't as one sided. I know of personal examples of two kinds where women initiate the idea. 

One is bringing up having another guy join them, but it's actually a setup because she's already got a specific guy in mind and is hoping that hubby will buy in.

The other is bisexual women who want to play with both sexes.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Divinely Favored said:


> A little pleasure is not worth an eternity of torture in hell.


Oh, there is going to be plenty of illicit sex in hell too...

Just not the kind that anyone would want to engage in deliberately.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

I have known about 5 couples over the years that had threesomes and all but one are divorced. The one that is not divorced seem to love each other very much and they have a great time.

One lady I worked with for over 20 years told me she was bi and enjoyed the company of a another woman, she said she was 60% attracted to males and 40% to females. They had
threesomes but always with another woman. They eventually broke up, husband didn't want her doing it anymore and she still wanted it.

Another lady I knew said they had threesomes and foursomes. She said in the beginning, it seemed ok, but there would end up being some jealousy along the way and didn't work out for them.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

I know many couples who are swingers and occassionally enjoy threesomes. But I am talking about individuals far different than the audience in these forums. Where the norm here is the jealousy and the fear of infidelity, a small percentage of the polpulation is actually not concerned as much with either one. 

Threeomes are just not socially accepted, but times are constantly changing. 

Sent from my SM-T337T using Tapatalk


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

NoChoice said:


> I do not believe that there are that many against threesomes. I am certainly not. I am not against open relationships or even brothels and orgys among consenting adults. What I and many others are against is calling that marriage when it goes directly against the vows you took to become married. You want threesomes and open relationships I say have at it but do not take vows and call it a marriage, simply do whatever you want with whomever you want and leave the vows of marriage out of it. Why marry just to break your word?


Vows are a contract. Contracts are subect to change as long as the parties involved agree to the terms and come to a mutual agreement.

Sent from my SM-T337T using Tapatalk


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Apexmale said:


> Vows are a contract. Contracts are subect to change as long as the parties involved agree to the terms and come to a mutual agreement.
> 
> Sent from my SM-T337T using Tapatalk


I disagree with nothing you said. However, what I take issue with is terming it marriage. To the vast majority of people marriage represents a certain set of variables and that is purposeful. I have no issue with grown, consenting adults doing whatever they wish with as many whomevers as they wish but why must we call it marriage?

Why can we not call a gay union homomergence or gaymergence. Marriage has established parameters why must those who wish to operate outside of these parameters force the change in terminology upon we who do not? I can attend a freemergence ceremony wherein the bride and groom exchange vows to be with as many people as they choose without issue. I neither condone nor condemn whatever choice they may make.

I believe that established tradition carries some importance and changing the fundamental reference of any long existing paradigm I find to be problematic and potentially dangerous to the model being changed. What will marriage ultimately become?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human–animal_marriage

Call it anihummergence, not marriage.

My response was an attempt to explain to the OP why perhaps here, on TAM, 96% may not be in favor of threesomes. This is a marriage site. If he were to go to a relationship site he may find much more acceptance, as long as it was not a site promoting monogamy.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

woodyh said:


> One lady I worked with for over 20 years told me she was bi and enjoyed the company of a another woman, she said she was 60% attracted to males and 40% to females. They had
> threesomes but always with another woman. They eventually broke up, husband didn't want her doing it anymore and she still wanted it.


Now I don't get that example. How would that get old, exactly? It seems like it would be fun if you got to watch.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

larry.gray said:


> woodyh said:
> 
> 
> > One lady I worked with for over 20 years told me she was bi and enjoyed the company of a another woman, she said she was 60% attracted to males and 40% to females. They had
> ...


Yeah unless you were invisible and all affection was going to other women. Then you'd be wondering what happened!???


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Divinely Favored said:


> Because it's adultry.........Christ listed it as one of the things that "If you practice such things, you WILL NOT inherit the kingdom of God"
> 
> I pitty them as that verse tells me if someone dies while being unrepentant in that lifestyle....they will go to Hell.
> A little pleasure is not worth an eternity of torture in hell.


I'm not Christian so no hell for me anyway.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

We love 3somes, but don't do them all the time. We've been together over 20 years and it has not torn us apart. Is an open relationship/swinging/poly right for everyone, no. But if it works for all parties involved then there is no reason to look down on them.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Because no self-respecting person ever wants to knowingly hurt their spouse. Or even their family or social/religious community!*


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

happy2gether said:


> We love 3somes, but don't do them all the time. We've been together over 20 years and it has not torn us apart. Is an open relationship/swinging/poly right for everyone, no. But if it works for all parties involved then there is no reason to look down on them.


I don't look down on them per se, but I do believe that a couple is playing with fire when they bring this lifestyle into a marriage. I don't care how emotionally stable and mature the partners might be, there are just too many unknown variables that are brought into these situations. 

I will never forget my male neighbor from years back, and the utter devastation that showed in his eyes when he told me that his wife had left him for the husband of the couple they would occasionally get together to swing with. Prior to this he was proud, almost boastful, of he and his wife's swinging lifestyle. 

I'll bet if I met him again and invited him on TAM to comment, he would be warning you all off from engaging in this kind of activity.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

To be completely honest, I laugh when swingers and open marriage posters talk about how their relationships are stable and mature, like they are soooo progressive. In my opinion, these people actually have something missing in their brain where they lack the ability to truly attach to a spouse or significant other. They cannot ever be truly content and are always searching for new and different. These couples are just two people that both have that missing part. You will never be able to convince me that a normal, healthy person will ever want to watch or condone their SO screw another person.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

spotthedeaddog said:


> Divinely Favored said:
> 
> 
> > Because it's adultry.........Christ listed it as one of the things that "If you practice such things, you WILL NOT inherit the kingdom of God"
> ...



Just because I do not believe the IRS should exist any longer, does not mean I do not have money taken out of my pay check monthly. I'll pray for you before its too late.


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

bag said:


> i read on these forums how 96% of marriages that partake, end in divorce.....i have a hard time believing???



Like it or not sex has a powerful emotional component. Like some people are able to live their lives just fine void of emotions, some people are able to approach sex similarly. I would call those the exception rather than the rule.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> To be completely honest, I laugh when swingers and open marriage posters talk about how their relationships are stable and mature, like they are soooo progressive. In my opinion, these people actually have something missing in their brain where they lack the ability to truly attach to a spouse or significant other. They cannot ever be truly content and are always searching for new and different. These couples are just two people that both have that missing part. You will never be able to convince me that a normal, healthy person will ever want to watch or condone their SO screw another person.


I agree. I guess I have no problem with an uncommitted couple doing it prior to engagement or marriage, but after marriage? No. No it's just bad business. 

I think non-monogamous couples should just cohabitate and not marry. I think a person needs to be honest with himself/herself and acknowledge when they know, deep down, that they cannot be satisfied with just one partner. Such a person needs to acknowledge that they are not cut out for traditional marriage and not waste everyone's time.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
To me it is an issue of committment and acceptance. When one weds, it represents a traditional set of variables that we agree to and an implied set that we should understand as well. We agree to provide a safe, caring, supportive and nurturing environment of trust for our spouse. In so doing we place their happiness and comfort ahead of our own. IMO, anything that compromises that is unacceptable. I have been intrigued by the statement "it isn't cheating if everybody agrees".

If it alters the above mentioned state of the marriage it is "cheating". Cheating is circumventing the rules and I find it irrelevant who does or does not agree with it. If the goal is as stated above, I find it impossible to ensure that state by purposely introducing unknown, highly volatile variables simply for fleeting pleasure. Life will bombard us with surprise events that test the resolve of any union and I find it to be negligent and shortsighted to introduce more.

Additionally, and this may be particular to me personally, but I find the intimacy involved with lovemaking to be an end in and of itself. To me, sex is an act mostly devoid of intimacy and as such loses much of its appeal. In fact, for me sex is a very selfish act where as lovemaking is selfless and I feel it to be on a higher emotional plane.

In addition to the emotional variables that are introduced there are also physical variables such as pregnancy, disease and the risk of physical harm. The combined risk of all of this for a brief orgasmic event lasting seconds I find to be completely unacceptable, not even worth considering. These are my opinions.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Bag? 

Bag, rag, hag, lag, tag, brag, dag....

Doosh.....


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## Garibaldi (Dec 21, 2015)

Divinely Favored said:


> Just because I do not believe the IRS should exist any longer, does not mean I do not have money taken out of my pay check monthly. I'll pray for you before its too late.


OKAAAAAAAAY!

Just because I do not believe gods should exist any longer does not mean I do not get my corleones busted on a regular basis by people like you. It's the price I pay for living in a plural society. Or do you prefer the ISIS model?

And FFS don't pray for me. It's well & truly too late.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

soccermom2three said:


> To be completely honest, I laugh when swingers and open marriage posters talk about how their relationships are stable and mature, like they are soooo progressive. In my opinion, these people actually have something missing in their brain where they lack the ability to truly attach to a spouse or significant other. They cannot ever be truly content and are always searching for new and different. These couples are just two people that both have that missing part. You will never be able to convince me that a normal, healthy person will ever want to watch or condone their SO screw another person.


This is how I feel, too (though not quite as harsh, lol!)

A lot of people, myself included, would love to have sex with other people - it's human nature - but we don't. For some, it's because of the vows they took. For others, it's because our spouse is all we truly want.

I'm not *against* this type of thing, at least not in a "look down on you" kind of way - truly. It can, and does, work for a select few.

But as soccermom so bluntly said, I believe there's something missing in couples who go this route.

I'm far from a traditionalist, believe it or not, and I don't have an ounce of religion in my body, but I do honestly believe that a marriage - hell, even a relationship - is a commitment between two people. It's really the whole point of a relationship/marriage - it's saying "You. You are the one person I want to be with." And that includes sex, given that sex really is the ultimate show of love/commitment to another person.

Now I'm not saying that marital/relationship/committed sex needs to be all candles and soft lighting and romance - two people in love can bang each others brains out like it's porn. But to me, in a committed relationship, sex is the ultimate expression of love, no matter how you do it.

The time for casual sex is when you're not in a committed relationship. I've dated women for short periods of time without being "in love" with them, but they've still been committed relationships, even if they last a month or two.

Threesomes, swinging, open relationships, etc. removes the commitment part of the relationship, which is really the foundation. It takes what it supposed to be the ultimate method of giving and receiving love away from the relationship/marriage, which, IMO, is wholly counter-productive.

For me, people who live this lifestyle are not married and able to have sex on the side. Rather it's the opposite - they are able to have sex with multiple partners, and they have the comfort of having a spouse on the side.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

"And another problem is the couple will have a threesome looking for some innocent fun, but then one of them will get hung up on the third person and have an affair. "


In our case, it was a threesome and then a consensual relationship after, but our lives are shi!!y now. 

We know two other couples, one of whom started swinging around the same time my husband and I opened our relationship. They are in the middle of a divorce now because the husband fell in love with another woman and refused to give her up, despite their rules that they had in place.

Another couple also swings, and they are still together. It seems to work for them, although now they are living more of a poly lifestyle then a swinging one. The wife has a live-in boyfriend. They have children, and as far as their children are concerned the man is a roommate. But they all act like one happy family.

I guess ican work for some people, but for us, even though we didn't swing, it went nowhere good. Opening a marriage changes the rules in a very profound way.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

soccermom2three said:


> To be completely honest, I laugh when swingers and open marriage posters talk about how their relationships are stable and mature, like they are soooo progressive. In my opinion, these people actually have something missing in their brain where they lack the ability to truly attach to a spouse or significant other. They cannot ever be truly content and are always searching for new and different. These couples are just two people that both have that missing part. You will never be able to convince me that a normal, healthy person will ever want to watch or condone their SO screw another person.


Word.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Oh, there is going to be plenty of illicit sex in hell too...
> 
> Just not the kind that anyone would want to engage in deliberately.


That's what Louis CK thinks. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOZ2PeUITPg

Rated R by the way


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Open or not it's still adultry...there will be HELL to pay if the person does not get right with the Lord.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Garibaldi said:


> Divinely Favored said:
> 
> 
> > Just because I do not believe the IRS should exist any longer, does not mean I do not have money taken out of my pay check monthly. I'll pray for you before its too late.
> ...



If someone is speeding down the road and you know the bridge is out you do not just say have a good time! If you care what happens you yell STOP! 

Christ said if the watchman does not sound the alarm and warn the village the blood spilled is on his hands....

If he sounds the alarm and the people do nothing, their death is at their own hand and the watchman is blameless.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Divinely Favored said:


> Open or not it's still adultry...there will be HELL to pay if the person does not get right with the Lord.


Indeed, Lord Vader has a mean streak.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Indeed, Lord Vader has a mean streak.


So did Lord Voldemort...funny how Lord is often the title of evil...


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

For some people, it's thought of a way to spice up a flagging sex life. This is probably inadvisable because a threesome is not a sexual band-aid and won't resolve whatever is causing the sex life to peter out.

For some people, it's thought of a way to be able to have sex with someone else while not perhaps making it cheating. This is probably inadvisable as well, because if you're non-monogamous at heart, it will probably make you realize this and want other people on your own. It's also the kind of 3-way trap that you may hear about: "husband, how about we have a 3-some with another girl" which, if accepted, quickly becomes a 3-way with the other man that she actually wanted to try out.

For some people, it sounds like a fun way to experiment and push the boundaries on their sex life. And I'm sure it can be -- until you actually see your partner have sex with the other person. It's quite fine and good to talk and fantasize about it, but when you actually see it happen... All kinds of emotional responses can get triggered. Even years later.

So it's kind of a crap shoot. For some, it can be a one time thing, or an occasional thing, and no harm done. But I don't know that I'd want to risk my whole marriage on that bet that seems very, very far from a sure thing.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> To be completely honest, I laugh when swingers and open marriage posters talk about how their relationships are stable and mature, like they are soooo progressive. In my opinion, these people actually have something missing in their brain where they lack the ability to truly attach to a spouse or significant other. They cannot ever be truly content and are always searching for new and different. These couples are just two people that both have that missing part. You will never be able to convince me that a normal, healthy person will ever want to watch or condone their SO screw another person.


Here's a repost, it may apply. 

We may not be aware of it as a whole, but we suffer from dead forms and conventions that clutter our culture. Perhaps the greatest impediment to relationship creativity is the natural decay thats sets in over time in any relationship. A certain way of thinking or acting that once had success quickly became an established procedure. As time goes by, people forget the initial reason for these customs and simply follow a set of established techniques. 

Now, we can go wrong with trying to evolve these established procedures, especially with the pressure to produce results and the fear this instills in us. Some people keep this creative process alive and never settle into complacency. Others live by the creed "If it isn't broken, don't fix it". Can you imagine everyone still driving the Ford Model T? Niether can I.

For these people, there is a profound dissatisfaction with complacency and set standards, especially when the source of those standards were created by other people they don't even know. These people work and have the need to constantly improve their relationships with new ideas and they put other people's opinions and the sense of uncertainty aside. They are not sure where they want to go next but the uncertainty drives their creative urge and that keeps their relationship alive.

Open relationships such as swinging isn't for everyone. Very few people can handle the demands.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sex for myself & husband is deeply emotional..... it's about fully surrendering yourself to the one we love, adore , trust and whom we find the greatest comfort, affection and sexual release ! 

I've always had a very romantic view of sex...

Threesomes have no place in this... it wouldn't matter if I was single.. I'd feel the same...so would my husband.. neither of us find threesome porn arousing either... if/when a scene like that comes on.. it's a SKIP !.... If anything... it's a turn off...so it's not just a vow thing here.. 

This expresses our view of sex...


> *3. ** Romantic View *~
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Not for me. Not interested in the slightest and when married I don't like to share myself or husband around for that matter.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If you are against for ANY reason, don't do it. If you want to do it and find willing partners who've thought it through, enjoy! It's that simple.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

Married but Happy said:


> If you are against for ANY reason, don't do it. If you want to do it and find willing partners who've thought it through, enjoy! It's that simple.


Hard to understand those who oppose non-traditional marriages that come from failed traditional marriages.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Here's the way it is whether you like it or not. Any husband/wife who can sexually share/watch you with someone else doen't really care that much about you. Any husband/wife who is the opposite sex party can damn well do without you. Hence, why many or most couple participating is it end up divorced. The reason they need the "excitement" of it means your sex life together is a dud. 
Besides there is usually a homosexual element in many such arrangements.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

Wow lol... 

Sent from my SM-T337T using Tapatalk


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Apexmale said:


> Hard to understand those who oppose non-traditional marriages that come from failed traditional marriages.


It really isn't, especially given that so many marriages seem to fail due to at least one spouse having attempted to "evolve" his or her marriage _into_ a non-traditional marriage, though usually w/o giving his or her spouse the courtesy of advance notice.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> It really isn't, especially given that so many marriages seem to fail due to at least one spouse having attempted to "evolve" his or her marriage _into_ a non-traditional marriage, though usually w/o giving his or her spouse the courtesy of advance notice.


If someone opposes non-traditional marriages, in addition to having failed traditional marriage, they don't need TAM. They need Jesus. As far as I can remember, he's the only one who can work miracles.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Apexmale said:


> If someone opposes non-traditional marriages, in addition to having failed traditional marriage, they don't need TAM. They need Jesus. As far as I can remember, he's the only one who can work miracles.


You have a talent for wordplay, as well as both logical fallacy and misdirection.

Divorce doesn't necessarily equate to failure, at least not on the part of both of the persons involved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

bag said:


> i read on these forums how 96% of marriages that partake, end in divorce.....i have a hard time believing???




One of my fantasies is to have another woman have sex with my wife and I watch and have them both.

Now, I chose to marry Mrs.CuddleBug.

That means I'm faithful to her and not have sex with other women. Having sex with other women is called adultery.

When married, you are to only have sex with each other.


Now if that isn't what you'd like to do, then don't get married and instead have an open dating relationship.


Now I don't speak for anyone here, but marriage to me is special, and that I am to be faithful to Mrs.CuddleBug. Period!!!


The only reason I would love to have a FFM, is to get my rocks off and satisfy my lustful desires. Simple as that. Selfish on my part. Definitely would be more for me than Mrs.CuddleBug.


Once you open that Pandora's box, you can't close it again and the damage is done. Play with fire and you will get burned and a band aid won't fix serious 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree burns.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> You have a talent for wordplay, as well as both logical fallacy and misdirection.
> 
> Divorce doesn't necessarily equate to failure, at least not on the part of both of the persons involved.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Everything absolutely put aside... the #1 reason for divorce, is marriage. I'm no an expert in any specific type, but I do know the key to marriage is progress together. Once either partner deviates from that, the problems will start because if a marriage isn't moving forward then that means it's moving backwards.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

CuddleBug said:


> One of my fantasies is to have another woman have sex with my wife and I watch and have them both.
> 
> Now, I chose to marry Mrs.CuddleBug.
> 
> ...


Good point. Let's say Mrs CuddleBug came to you and confessed one of her desires was to have a woman join you two for a threesome on your birthday, would you be open to the idea?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Apexmale said:


> Everything absolutely put aside... the #1 reason for divorce, is marriage.


OK, that made me laugh.



Apexmale said:


> I'm no an expert in any specific type, but I do know the key to marriage is progress together. Once either partner deviates from that, the problems will start because if a marriage isn't moving forward then that means it's moving backwards.


I think the vast majority of people understand this, even those that may have never thought about it in those exact terms.

Still, for most people, the addition of extramarital sex partners into the marital landscape -- whether explicitly agreed upon or otherwise -- would represent anything but progress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> OK, that made me laugh.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yes, it's absolutely a dangerous path to take. The price for failure is immense, a price almost 100% of married couples aren't willing to pay. Including me. But, for that small percent that do take that risk, they sometimes get criticized, ridiculed, and disrespected as if thier unions aren't difficult already. That too is not a recommended path.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I'll tell you what; go to the experts. Ask the women who are crazy about their husbands if they need another man (or woman) to subsidize the euphoria and excitement of their sex lives. Then ask if their respect would be raised or lowered if their old man made such a request.


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