# Narcissists



## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Hi, all-

I heard a guy on the radio the other night who claims to be diagnosed as a narcissist psychopath.

His name is H.G. Tudor and his website is Narcsite if you're interested.

It was a very creepy interview & I have to admit I was thinking about a mallet & a wooden stake afterward.

Before hearing this interview I really didn't know much about narcissists or how to identify them, but I've been doing far too much research & I've had a disturbing epiphany.

A few years ago I posted about a situation my wife was having at work with a creep:
Creep Post.

With my new found knowledge I'd have to say that dirtbag was a narc, but thinking back over the years and other "men" who have acted inappropriately toward my wife, I am absolutely sure they were all narcissists.

There appears to be a weird & unhealthy attraction between narcissists and empaths.

Something else I've learned recently is that Mrs. Noman is an empath & I would say she's pretty high on whatever scale they use & she attracts these barf bags like flies to sugar.

So now I'm a bit informed & forewarned & that will help me down the road.

But what I'm _really_ trying to figure out is ME.

Narcissism runs in my family, for sure. My older brother & our father are/were both serial philanderers, very proficient liars & so on.

I am NOT a narcissist. I don't lie, I don't cheat (have had plenty of opportunities, though), stuck around to raise my kids, so on.

When we were dating future Mrs. Noman told me I was a narcissist. I knew enough to be insulted, but that was about it (pre-Internet.) Boy I wonder if she meant it then & thinks it now.

So, I'm doing my best in life, following what I think is a good moral compass, a compass that fits nicely with Mrs. Noman's moral compass.

We actually are a good match, I think.

Looking around on the Internet everything seems to center around narcissists & empaths, with psychopaths & sociopaths thrown into the mix.

I've seen a few references that refer to anyone NOT in the above 4 categories as being "a normal," which sounds awfully boring.

Many times over the years I have felt like "just the husband."

I probably don't push her "bad boy" buttons like a good old fashioned narcissist, but what is "Just a nice guy" to do?

Would love to hear any thoughts or suggestions you might have.

Noman


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Since Meghan Markle came along and trapped Prince Harry in her web, I have learnt a lot more about what being a narcissist is


----------



## MovingOn19 (Oct 26, 2020)

Just keep on being a nice guy. As someone who was married to a narcissist for 12 years (and is still dealing with them 6 years after we separated), the nice guys are who we need. It's true that narcissists focus their attention on empaths (they are easiest ones to manipulate) but after you have been with a narcissist, even us empaths learn to recognize the toxic behaviour. I am now engaged to a quintessential "nice guy" and I couldn't be happier. I am amazed every day that I don't have to walk around on egg shells trying to avoid being in his line of sight. I also can't believe that I have someone who asks what can they do to help me (as opposed to it always being the other way around). 

Your wife may not appreciate you as she should, but that's honestly her loss. I think if she were to have had an actual relationship with a narcissist, then she would very quickly realize just how good she's got it.


----------



## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

MovingOn19 said:


> Your wife may not appreciate you as she should, but that's honestly her loss. I think if she were to have had an actual relationship with a narcissist, then she would very quickly realize just how good she's got it.


She had several relationships with narcs, none very long.

I do think I need to work harder to "push her buttons", be her bad boy without being one.

For awhile I was following the Alpha/Beta, Red Pill/Blue Pill philosophy that Athol Kay wrote about in his _Married Man Sex Life Primer_ and I think it was working very well, but then health issues derailed things. I need to get back on track.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

narcissist seems to be the new word that everyone is using to call their ex now , 
not saying the op is wrong just saying many people are branding ex's and slagging them off , 

We need a new advice topic for people to go to for what to except and more over what not to except when dating someone new 
to often we get people come and say they were with x for 2/3 years and in this time x was abusive and name off all the things they put up with like
as if they had found someone and had to make it work , 

For god sake in old times we had match-makers and even in some cultures still we have arranged and they seem from the outside anyway to be better than the 
so called LOVE marriages

THESE LOVE marriages can't have much love in them 

JUST WHAT IS IT THAT makes people not see , if it is not good why stay going out dating someone , 

what I say to the op is if you have to act the Alpha/Beta, Red Pill/Blue Pill philosophy your better off far away from it all
as no one should have to put on an act 
your in a relationship and the whole idea of that is to be your best self , if the other person brings out the best in you and not make you put on an act 

now I WOULD ask the op for his advice if I asked you as a friend what i should do in finding a mate / partner / wife / husband 
would you advise me to take it slowly ,? 
would you advise me to have sex after the so called 3 date or would you advise me to hold off on sex for longer ? 
what red flags would you say are big enough to brake things up before your go to far ? 

this is a help forum it works best by people given and reviving , 
there is no expert here , 
so if you can give your experience maybe some one lurking might not end up making the same mistake


----------



## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

frenchpaddy said:


> narcissist seems to be the new word that everyone is using to call their ex now ,
> not saying the op is wrong just saying many people are branding ex's and slagging them off ,


Well, I personally don't have an ex who is a narc, but I feel confident in assessing my relatives as narcissists. It's not too difficult to figure out if you look at the attributes for a narc.

As for Mrs. Noman, she confirmed several of her ex's as being narcissists. Her intuition is excellent & I trust her judgement on this matter.



frenchpaddy said:


> For god sake in old times we had match-makers and even in some cultures still we have arranged and they seem from the outside anyway to be better than the
> so called LOVE marriages


I would guess very few arranged marriages are particularly nice, especially for the woman.



frenchpaddy said:


> what I say to the op is if you have to act the Alpha/Beta, Red Pill/Blue Pill philosophy your better off far away from it all


Are you acting when you work out to enhance your physique? No, you're just working to improve yourself.

For me, the only acting involved in being a better leader is the action of bettering myself mentally to BE a better leader.



frenchpaddy said:


> now I WOULD ask the op for his advice if I asked you as a friend what i should do in finding a mate / partner / wife / husband
> would you advise me to take it slowly ,?
> would you advise me to have sex after the so called 3 date or would you advise me to hold off on sex for longer ?
> what red flags would you say are big enough to brake things up before your go to far ?


Take is slowly. No, run out & get married after 3 weeks. I don't think there's a single answer to that question. Marriage is kind of like raising kids: You're doing something you've never done before, may or may not be qualified to do and you're supposed to figure it out on the fly. It's not easy.

As for the 3rd date, if there wasn't sex on the 1st date, there wasn't likely to be a 3rd date. But that was a different time, perhaps.

Red flags? I think you're better off looking for green flags. If you don't feel 100% sure about someone, if the other person doesn't 'ring your bell', don't get married.

I dated plenty of women. Some of them would have married me, I know, but I never felt the desire to marry _anyone_ until I met Mrs. Noman. We knew we were getting married within a few weeks of dating. Sort of a 'mutual agreement' decision.

The only advice I would proffer is to not get married until you are mature enough to do so, but honestly, do you think someone lacking that maturity would take the advice?


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Noman said:


> The only advice I would proffer is to not get married until you are mature enough to do so, but honestly, do you think someone lacking that maturity would take the advice?


 I think this is good advice except most people think they are mature when they are not , 
it seems to be the thing now that people want a person that will have sex with them very early in the relationship or even before there is a relationship , 
then they seem surprised that the same person does the same with your friend, and they think this person that was a (for want of a better word ) 
stud or **** after you exchange rings that they will change or some even try to make that person that was a bad boy or bad girl into a parent that will give good example ,

you are right in saying there is not training for people , kids can only use their parents marriage as a gide to go on and in some cases that is not a good example ,
so the question comes as how can people that have not experience of their own or their parents make their way , 

the school system is only there to make a good work force , it does not teach people how to interact , it does not teach people about living with others , and does not even give a good sex ed , 
and by the time people find this type forum they are looking for advice on how to get out of or fix , 
a bit like bolting the door after the horse has long gone


----------



## cp3o (Jun 2, 2018)

Noman said:


> Hi, all-
> 
> I heard a guy on the radio the other night who claims to be diagnosed as a narcissist psychopath.


All psychopaths are narcissists - fortunately for the rest of us not all narcissists are psychopaths.

You might want to look up *the Dark Triad".


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

The three most over used phrases in today’s society:

Narcissist 
Toxic 
Emotional abuse


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I have had 4 relationships in my life…one guy was just selfish, another a true diagnosed narcissist, another living a lie but otherwise mostly good to me, and a normal guy right now. The behavior of the narcissist makes the other three look like the best men in the world by comparison.

Sometimes when I hear people say their ex is a narcissist I just laugh and say “that’s just an asshole…true narcissists are in another league”
If you’ve never really come against one you have no idea.


----------

