# My wife is having a EA HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I new here and need some help.My wife and I have been married for 12 years and we have 5 boys ranging from 4 to 16, she is a stay at home mome and I farm and work a public job to make ends meet.My wife is kinda inscure and doesent think she is very attractive I know now I should have told her different a lot more. I caught my wife texting another man in january and I confronted her about it,she said it was just faintsy playing as they were telling each other they loved each other. She said it was only going on for a month and they met on Face Book. I sent him a text telling he was texting my my wife and she said she would never text him again. I have full use of her phone so I have checked it few times and nothing thank god this guys number is listed over a 1000miles away. I have been trying to spend more time with her because I am very busy. I have never pushed sex unless I could tell she wanted ,she has told me before she wanted me to make the first move but I have told her I am ready anytime and I know women arent ,she had some issues from her childhood and a few times early in our marriage I would want sex and during sex I could tell she was having flash backs. That is the worst feeling. She has got into working out and losing weight about a year ago, I have been so proud of her,she uses myfitnesspal to keep track of her progress I starting noticing her clicking out when I would come into the room. I starting watching the coumputer history and found a naked picture of a man from photobucket so I checked to see if his user name was on myfitnesspal and it was and he talks to my wife on the open fourms there.She has several male friends on this site. I wished I knew her password to see how they talk in private fourm. I dont know where to go from here I dont think it is a PA yet, should I confront here again or gather more evidence. Sory for long post I'm not good a putting thoughts to words so bare with me


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Read the newbie link at the bottom of my post, really take the time to read it, others will be posting in here real soon to offer good advice, it may seem like just the opposite of what you think you should be doing, some of it is exactly what you NEED to do.
Read, gain some knowledge, come up with a plan that you think will work for you. The number one thing you should NOT do is beg,plead or cry to her, if you do it will make you look weak (think about that). 
You can not nice someone out of an affair, it will not work, no way no how (been there done that, WONT WORK), you have to be firm and stand your ground.

It's all about boundaries, what are yours.

PS. Read not just friends Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you have access to the computer, put a keylogger on it. Do not think this is harmless or will just go away. Women leave their families all the time to go bd with some dirt bag they have never met. We see that here all the time.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Gather evidence.

Get a keylogger on her machine and you'll get access to everything.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

First - gather yourself. Take some deep breaths and calm down. You are going to get through this. All of this - and you will be better for it. 

Now - 
1. Look at the NC letter you'll find on the link kindly provided by strugglinghusband. Have your own version - but it should be in the spirit of that letter.

2. Take control of your wife's phone and check the texts; the gallery photos; apps for hiding texting etc. She can have her phone back when you're through with it. Check the phone logs for your wife's phone - see who she has been calling/texting 

3. Get the names and addressess of the OM and see if you can get hold of their wives. They need to be informed of the relationships. 

4. Keylog the computer. 

5. Ask your wife to give you ALL the details in writing - warn her to leave nothing out - tell her you will continue to investigate and any omission will result in you asking her to leave the marital home and instant divorce. 

6. Seek MC for both of you. 

7. When you feel comfortable with the situation - have sex, lots of it when YOU want it. Don't be crude but initiate and initiate often.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I have read the newbe thread. I have been one here reading other peoples stories. I tried the nice thing the first time but I have 5 children to think about, should I confront her know or install keylogger first and gather more evidence. I dont know if I want to know everything but if I don't I will always wounder and drive myself crazy I did that for a month the last time, still haunts me


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Steve,

I agree you need to gather more evidence. You need to take steps to covertly monitor her communication ASAP. You have several options, but I'd look into spyware for her cell phone, keylogger for computer, VAR for her vehicle. After that, you need to take direct action.

First, her EA's are not your fault. Let's get that out of the way. She can blame shift all she wants, but you don't need to accept that you are responsible in ANY way. 

But, you do need to alpha up and DEMAND the following:

That she stop all communication with these men, and send them a no contact letter/communication, that you approve of first.

She give you passwords to all her accounts, cell phone. She will become completely transparent with all her communications and activity.

She comes clean with what she has done and communicates with you openly about it, anytime you want.

Consider getting in to MC with her.

Listen, when your wife tells another man she loves him, that's serious. You need to man up. She has to receive consequences for this and see that you aren't weakly responding, or it will likely happen again. You're rug sweeping this. Don't.

If she doesn't respond remorsefully and fails to comply with every demand you make; do the 180 on her (find the link). That's the point where you will need to consider D if she doesn't. 

Check back here for further advice after she reacts to your demands and/or you get further evidence.

Sorry you're here.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Some dbag was texting my W from 1000 miles away. At the end, when I caught it it, he was offering her a plane ticket to come to him. If I hadn't discovered it when I did my M would probably not lasted much longer.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I know this is a silly question but my wife is wanting sex tonight because I just got of the midnight shift do I go one like I know nothing or no sex ????????I can see I'm going to spend most of the day gathering my self. Thanks everyone for your replys I have no one to talk to about this I dont think I want to talk to family of friends yet.( sorry for my horrible spelling)


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Sorry you are here and I am hoping you caught this before it went any further. I would put a key logger on the computer and a Voice Activated Recorder in the same room the computer is located. The VAR may pick something up. My wife used Skype for awhile when she thought I was checking the phones.

I would get a little more info before you confront. Once you do confront if it is an EA only. I would try and expose the OM and tell your wife it is an NC letter right now or get out! Then I would get the two of you into MC and her into IC right away.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

sure sex her up if you can rise to the occasion. Do it a lot. Let her know what she'll miss.
Make sure it's good so she won't be thinking of the other dude - engage her fully.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

steve- said:


> I know this is a silly question but my wife is wanting sex tonight because I just got of the midnight shift do I go one like I know nothing or no sex ????????I can see I'm going to spend most of the day gathering my self. Thanks everyone for your replys I have no one to talk to about this I dont think I want to talk to family of friends yet.( sorry for my horrible spelling)


Steve are you 100% sure she did not hook up with this guy? or anyone else, you mentioned this has happened before?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

steve- said:


> I know this is a silly question but my wife is wanting sex tonight because I just got of the midnight shift do I go one like I know nothing or no sex ????????I can see I'm going to spend most of the day gathering my self. Thanks everyone for your replys I have no one to talk to about this I dont think I want to talk to family of friends yet.( sorry for my horrible spelling)


Yeah. Sex her everyday. She's getting hot from cybering with her boyfriends. You need to plow her like you a month late in planting season.

Keep cool and keep gathering evidence. Plant some VARs, put in a keylogger. Put a hidden nannycam to cover her computer chair so you can record her exposing herself and masturbating. You can use all this to overcome her denial and self-delusion.

While you gather info and bang the crap out of her, fix your physique. Basically, your wife has no interest in sex with you, other than as a living dildo to use while she thinks about her chat sessions with her OMs. How tall are you you and what do you weigh? When is the last time you had a barbell or machine workout?

Go to Amazon and download and read Married Man Sex Life Primer. Its the best $10 you will ever spend.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

steve- said:


> I know this is a silly question but my wife is wanting sex tonight because I just got of the midnight shift do I go one like I know nothing or no sex ????????I can see I'm going to spend most of the day gathering my self. Thanks everyone for your replys I have no one to talk to about this I dont think I want to talk to family of friends yet.( sorry for my horrible spelling)


I guess that would depend on whether you choose to follow the advice given. If you do, having sex with her ahead of confronting her, may in her mind, minimize your resolve for subsequent demands.

So if it were me, I wouldn't. Just think back to some of the excuses for not having sex that she has given you - and pick one.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I'm a active man 6' 2" 190 lb I know I could tone up a bit but do I need to be buff for my wife to love me. I am in better shape than she but she is getting into shape, I guess for the wrong reasons .I dont drink very often ,maybe a few bears once a weak,but might halft to tonight that is another thing she has started drinking about every night after kids go to bead I. My house can be loud with 5 boys so I chock it up as unwinding ,I don't know what to think now


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

steve- said:


> I'm a active man 6' 2" 190 lb I know I could tone up a bit but do I need to be buff for my wife to love me.


For whatever reason, she's not turned on by your body. When is the last time you trained with weights? You need to get the tape measure out and measure your waist at navel, around your chest at the nipples, and around your shoulders. The waist should be X (30-32"), the chest ≥1.4X, the shoulders ≥1.6X. That's called the Golden Ratio and triggers the female limbic reproduction program. 



steve- said:


> I am in better shape than she but she is getting into shape, I guess for the wrong reasons .


She's getting into shape for her OMs, not for you. Even if you had built her up and complimented her more, it wouldn't have mattered. Wives don't really want to hear it from their husbands, UNLESS the H is getting frequent attention from other women. Get in the best shape of your life. Get a book on Amazon called "The New High Intensity Training" by Darden. In about an hour of exercise weekly you can get 95% of the physique of guys (not on steroids) who live in the gym.



steve- said:


> I dont drink very often ,maybe a few bears once a weak,but might halft to tonight that is another thing she has started drinking about every night after kids go to bead I.


No, you quit drinking period except for wine. Beer makes you fat and lowers T. Have one glass of red wine per night. Raises T and increases health. Also makes you look sophisticated, even if it's swill. Red varieties only, 5.5 oz per night. And I recommend you go out (without her) to get it. How far out in the country are you?



steve- said:


> My house can be loud with 5 boys so I chock it up as unwinding ,I don't know what to think now


Unwinding? No, it's a combination of guilt and ramping up to get ever kinkier on the internet.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

> Even if you had built her up and complimented her more, it wouldn't have mattered. Wives don't really want to hear it from their husbands, UNLESS the H is getting frequent attention from other women.


As a woman, this is the only thing I disagree with. In a healthy marriage, I would love to hear compliments from my H about how I'm looking good.

Of course I've never been a cheater, so I don't know how it works for cheating Ws.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Is there any way you can get off the graveyard shift? She's up with the kids at the break of dawn so when they go to bed (8:30?) she has no one to talk to until you get home past midnight. It's not an excuse for her - but it presents the opportunity for a lonely woman. 

See if you can change your shift.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Robsia said:


> As a woman, this is the only thing I disagree with. In a healthy marriage, I would love to hear compliments from my H about how I'm looking good.
> 
> Of course I've never been a cheater, so I don't know how it works for cheating Ws.


So far as I know, my wife is not wayward, but she said this to me "you have to say that." I haven't heard that line since I dropped the fat and added the muscle.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

^Maybe it's just me. It didn't occur to me that my H wouldn't mean it. I mean, if I was losing weight and looking good, why would he have reason to lie? He is the only one whose opinion really matters to me.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

steve- said:


> I know this is a silly question but my wife is wanting sex tonight because I just got of the midnight shift do I go one like I know nothing or no sex ????????I can see I'm going to spend most of the day gathering my self. Thanks everyone for your replys I have no one to talk to about this I dont think I want to talk to family of friends yet.( sorry for my horrible spelling)


 You need to step up and start wooing your wife again. She's fantasizing about men, and you have the opportunity to become what she's fantasizing about.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

strugglinghusband said:


> Steve are you 100% sure she did not hook up with this guy? or anyone else, you mentioned this has happened before?


Im not sure of anything she dosent have a lot of time away from the house . The last guy lived 1000 miles away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

How do you go on like nothing is wrong and collect evidence I afraid I going to lose it I almost did last time
I know the 180 is what I going to half to do but if she is so hung up on this she leaves with my 5 boys I think I would rather live with a cheater
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

steve- said:


> How do you go on like nothing is wrong and collect evidence I afraid I going to lose it I almost did last time
> I know the 180 is what I going to half to do but if she is so hung up on this she leaves with my 5 boys I think I would rather live with a cheater
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to calm down a bit. Your mind is racing and you are coming up with all of the answers, but you don't know the whole story yet.

I would listen to the advice you have been given. Get a keylogger NOW. Install it pronto.

What kind of cell phone does she have? There may be methods to retrieve info from it.

On top of this, start taking better care of yourself RIGHT NOW. Eat good and exercise, because regardless of the outcome, you can't neglect yourself anymore.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

steve- said:


> How do you go on like nothing is wrong and collect evidence I afraid I going to lose it I almost did last time
> I know the 180 is what I going to half to do but if she is so hung up on this she leaves with my 5 boys I think I would rather live with a cheater
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The 180 is what you do if you have to get a divorce.

Get the keylogger, some vars. Work out. Bang her brains out.

You just started to figure this out. Hopefully, you will be a happy man who kept his family together.

At this point the 180 will make everything worse. It is not designed to fix a marriage, its designed to get over the broken heart of divorce.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

chapparal said:


> The 180 is what you do if you have to get a divorce.
> 
> Get the keylogger, some vars. Work out. Bang her brains out.
> 
> ...


Agreed. No 180. Not appropriate.

However, you need to get ripped, start dressing better, etc. Why can't you get your schedules harmonized?


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I work as a mechanic in a large plant I can only work the shift ,bad thing is it 12hr shifts i am going to try to hold it together at least for my kids thanks everyone dont let me make stuipd mistake. I have installed a keylogger I hope she dosent find it , it is supposed to be hidden
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I need reread the 180 thing when do I need to give the ultimatum confess and become transparent I know in need more info but what if I cant hold it together
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

There maybe a few things she needs to drop. She needs to drop the myfitnesspal website, I've been on it and there is no need for it. Basically anything that can bring unnecessary and inappropriate contact is out, such as facebook and texting guys. No friends of the opposite sex, and definitely no going to weddings alone, girls night out, sleeping over at parents/relatives homes etc. I am assuming you have no access to her facebook either.

This "just friends" is a justification of the inappropriate reality of the relationship as "friends". I never send friends nude pictures of myself, male or female. I don't give or expect "i love you's" from friends of the opposite sex and I am single.

Now that you have a keylogger, log into her email, face book, myfitnesspal, read everything save everything and, keep doing so until you have enough evidence and confront.

When you confront do not expose your ways, do not expose how much you know, just say "you know everything and you need to confess the boundaries that have been crossed in these inappropriate relationships now or ELSE" and that "else" you must KEEP YOUR WORD to or else you'll just be taken lightly as a door mat and given the mushroom treatment.

Stay strong!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You HAVE to find out what is actually going on and with who and how many. Where are they and if they are making plans. Now you are in undercover detective mode.

Bring what you find here, and the folks here can help you with a plan.

In the meantime, go to amazon.com and get or download the book MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER. This will explain why this is happening and what you should be doing as a husband. Its not actually a sex guide.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

chapparal said:


> You HAVE to find out what is actually going on and with who and how many. Where are they and if they are making plans. Now you are in undercover detective mode.
> 
> Bring what you find here, and the folks here can help you with a plan.
> 
> In the meantime, go to amazon.com and get or download the book MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER. This will explain why this is happening and what you should be doing as a husband. Its not actually a sex guide.


Thanks I will read the book keep the info coming I wished I found this site the first EA happened because I did the whole bo ho thing telling her I was reponsible for most of it .I will not take blame this time.I just hope God goes with me and I can figure this out once again thank you all for keeping me on the right track
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Hey Steve, sorry for the situation you wife has put you in. You're going to get a lot of good advice to help you through this. The reason is that affairs and unfaithful spouses are sadly predictable, right down to what your WW is going to say. You see it over and over in thread after thread.

Good work on the keylogger. You have to know what you're dealing with, to put you in the best position for when you do confront her.

You are already calmer and taking the control back.

Keep it up and good luck.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

steve- said:


> Thanks I will read the book keep the info coming I wished I found this site the first EA happened because I did the whole bo ho thing telling her I was reponsible for most of it .I will not take blame this time.I just hope God goes with me and I can figure this out once again thank you all for keeping me on the right track
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good work with the keylogger. Get a couple of VARs, put one in the room where she cybersexes and put one with velcro under her car seat. They're a great source of info on what your wife is up to.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I had a chane to rush and look at keylogger what little I saw was to much I guess there are more than on OM I saw where she told one she loved them.I am so sick I could not sleep much less have sex with her.I dont want to touch her with a 10' pole. she may suspect somthing I think my heart pounding shook the whole bead all nighto. I think they may be using Skype I dont understand this very rarely do I get to see her naked with the lights on. Right now I just want a D she discuss me I half to think about my kids . Sorry for the rant im just sick now. I will try to post more when I get the stomach to look
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You can't change serial cheaters.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

turnera said:


> You can't change serial cheaters.


This whole thing makes no sense how can she be so reserved with me for 14years and now go sexually crazy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

It's an addictive behaviour, steve-. Each time she contacts and interacts with these OM she gets another hit. Her body produces dopamine. This gives her a little buzz, which is why she comes back for more.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey steve----she takes care of 5 boys and is a stay at home-----she fantasizes about other men, cuz you are now boring and same old, same old----SHE IS LOOKING FOR ANOTHER LIFE

Unfortunately she now has it

You have enuff evidence--to decide what you wanna do

Either confront, and R, or just confront and tell her you are going straight to D

IMHO---she will fold up, right away, and quit when you confront---if you do it right---lets admit it---where is she gonna go, and what is she gonna do to live---bottom line, she needs her mge to stay the way it is---for her to make it thru life

You should be able to force her to quit, and put in boundaries---but if you do decide to R----you are gonna have to spend way more time with her---she is lonely, and looking for love----what she is doing is wrong---but it is what it is----

Ball is in your corner---its your life---how do you intend to proceed into the future


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

azteca1986 said:


> It's an addictive behaviour, steve-. Each time she contacts and interacts with these OM she gets another hit. Her body produces dopamine. This gives her a little buzz, which is why she comes back for more.



That is exactly what it is. An addiction with a gateway to worse. You need to blow up and blow up in her face. Tell her how you have tolerated enough of her waywardness. If she wants attention, you're all hers and that's all the attention she needs. Tell her you will destroy these OM, change email pw to facebook, change email and pw to myfitnesspal, change email/pw and block all skype contacts. Do it all IN ONE BIG DAY and do not even warn or tell her until you blow up and tell her you've had ENOUGH. If she doesn't like it she can leave. You love her but you won't allow her to DEGRADE herself while being married to you, TWO-three-FOUR TIMING you and having ridiculous fantasies with "just friends". They are ridiculous fantasies and she's a grown woman with 5 kids.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

confront, then cut off the internet access. Tell her you're not paying for her to F around.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I am going blow up I cant take this anymore she will be in town tomorro I will copy all the keylogger files and **** will hit the fan I am so angry right now. I dont know if R or D I dont want my children to suffer. How can you get over the betrayal? Today she is all sweat and lovely I do my best to kiss or hug back. How can someone be that way I guess the whole drug thing hasent sunk in yet. Thanks all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Are you sure you're kids are yours?...... How sure? Dna sure? That'd be my first thought.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

jnj express said:


> Hey steve----she takes care of 5 boys and is a stay at home-----she fantasizes about other men, cuz you are now boring and same old, same old----SHE IS LOOKING FOR ANOTHER LIFE
> 
> Unfortunately she now has it
> 
> ...


I understand her life is hard and the first time she had a EA i forgave her and been doing all she asked me to do spend more time snuggle her ect ect. This time was very deceitful and has hurt a lot more . I want to confront her without yelling please give me all the help in this department you can all I have is my smart phone so hard to surf for all the right steps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Cheaters can have two lives that they can keep separated. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She has an online life too. They get sucked into this slowly.

You need to find out if any of these guys are local.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

When you confront her DO NOT let her know how you got your information. It is enough that you know and she comes clean. Completely.

It's probably too early to decide what you're going to do (R or D), you've had so much to process in a short space of time.

Try and be calm when you confront her. This is in your and children's best interests.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

steve- said:


> I understand her life is hard and the first time she had a EA i forgave her and been doing all she asked me to do spend more time snuggle her ect ect. This time was very deceitful and has hurt a lot more . I want to confront her without yelling please give me all the help in this department you can all I have is my smart phone so hard to surf for all the right steps.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


dont go ape sh1t on her, be calm cool collective (will freak her out) be firm but not a ****, I know much easier said than done, but if you do loose it it on her she will justify her behavior in her own mind..make any sense?

You made changes in yourself to improve after her 1st E/A what the hell has she done? oh thats right she did it again!!!


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Are you sure you're kids are yours?...... How sure? Dna sure? That'd be my first thought.


Idont think I could deny any of them I would never want to know any different anyways .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

steve- said:


> I want to confront her without yelling please give me all the help in this department you can all I have is my smart phone so hard to surf for all the right steps.


It'll help if you write down what you're going to say before hand so that you don't end up let emotion get in the way (easy for us to say, I know)

1. You know what she's been up to and you wont' stand for it in your marriage

2. It doesn't matter whether there's one or several OM, the betrayal and deceit you feel is just the same. She has to come clean.
_You have some idea of her unfaithfulness, she will likely minimise (to spare you_ )

3. Take away her internet access
_She'll hate this as you're taking away her drug supply.
_
4. Ask her to choose her existing lifestyle or work her **** off proving she can be trusted before you even consider R

5. If she chooses poorly you'll file for D - This can't be an idle threat, though you sound like your there or nearly there anyway.

The mistake you both made last time was that she had the EA, you changed but there were no consequences for her. Don't let her blame you for this again.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

chapparal said:


> Cheaters can have two lives that they can keep separated. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She has an online life too. They get sucked into this slowly.
> 
> You need to find out if any of these guys are local.


So far the ones I know of are far away unless there prpfile is wrong
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

steve- said:


> This whole thing makes no sense how can she be so reserved with me for 14years and now go sexually crazy


This not PC, but all women have an "inner slvt" that most try to keep under wraps. Sometimes it comes to the surface, but not with the husband. They don't want the husband to know their real sexual selves. Sorry, but that's the way it usually goes.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

steve- said:


> So far the ones I know of are far away unless there prpfile is wrong
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then there is a good chance there is no adultery, unless she gets around during the day.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

We have her family coming over for easter dinner sunday should I confrunt her before or after sunday? I dont know if I can hold it together that long already 2 days no sleep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

steve- said:


> should I confrunt her before or after sunday? I dont know if I can hold it together that long already 2 days no sleep.


Confronting her is not going to get you anymore sleep.

Better off keeping what you've found out to yourself and continue to dig deeper.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Which ever way you go---do not let her bluff you out of what you know, and that is she is talking to other men on line------nowhere in the definition of a proper mge., do you find a spouse talking to availables of the opposite sex

You confront---coldly, and calmly---you say what you have to say---you tell her, her options---and you leave---go away for a drive for 2 or 3 hours and GO DARK ON HER---LET REALITY HIT HER IN THE FACE AS TO WHAT SHE WILL BE LOSING, AND WHAT LIFE WILL BE LIKE IF YOU D HER

If you decide to stay---she is off the internet completely, and she needs to find something to fill her time---hobbies, school, part time job---etc---if you decide to stay, you will have to address the problems that are driving her to seek out other men

But 1st ---you need to knock all this hunting around for other men, to fantasize with---OUT OF HER---that is if you decide to stay

Do not wait to confront---get it straight in your mind, as to what to say and how to say it---you have enuff evidence just by what you both know she is doing----once again---say your piece, and leave-----no discussion, no arguing ---no nothing---confront and leave


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Machiavelli said:


> This not PC, but all women have an "inner slvt" that most try to keep under wraps. Sometimes it comes to the surface, but not with the husband. They don't want the husband to know their real sexual selves. Sorry, but that's the way it usually goes.


 Which goes hand in hand with the double standard. Boys are congratulated for getting some, but any girl who likes it is a slvt. So we learn to not express desire for it. Problem is, you can't deny things your whole life without it affecting you.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> This not PC, but all women have an "inner slvt" that most try to keep under wraps. Sometimes it comes to the surface, but not with the husband. They don't want the husband to know their real sexual selves. Sorry, but that's the way it usually goes.


LOL - I must be the exception then. My H is the only one I have ever been able to truly be myself with. :FIREdevil:


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

The one guy that sent her dirty pic lives in Ireland thank god .I dont understand he is not very attractive!!!!!!! I hope they all are far away
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

Thanks everyone for keeping me calm and giving me somthing to think about. I going to write down what I demand and tomorrow I will go through keyogs.I cant deal with it to night going to try to sleep. I'm going to confront her tomorrow or next day thanks again for the advice. I will post outcome for others to see and get some feed back


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Stay calm. Maybe you should take a few days off from work. In your condition you stand a chance of getting hurt at work if you work on an assembly line. Don't endanger yourself or any co-workers. 

You can reclaim you marriage but you have to show confidence. Don't beg her or try to guilt her. The guilt will come. Be dispassionate and determined. Don't yell or cry. When you feel like you're going to become emotional take a break. Go outside and take some deep breaths and collect yourself. .

You can do it.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

steve- said:


> Thanks everyone for keeping me calm and giving me somthing to think about. I going to write down what I demand and tomorrow I will go through keyogs.I cant deal with it to night going to try to sleep. I'm going to confront her tomorrow or next day thanks again for the advice. I will post outcome for others to see and get some feed back


steve-, The calmer you can stay during the confrontation the better of you'll be. I know, I know, keep calm when your going through THIS. If she starts yelling, crying and blame shifting, BE A ROCK. It will serve your confrontation better if she's the only one loosing their composure. Think about the questions that you'll be asking her, the possible answers that she'll be giving you and what you'll say, or ask to counter any answers that you don't agree with, or that you actually know that she's not giving a truthfull answer to.

DO NOT give away any of your sources. If she asks you how you found out something, tell her "I found the truth, that's all you need to know.". 

If you have a VAR, I'd keep it on you, just in case...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

turnera said:


> Which goes hand in hand with the double standard. Boys are congratulated for getting some, but any girl who likes it is a slvt. So we learn to not express desire for it. Problem is, you can't deny things your whole life without it affecting you.


Are you talking about the olden days?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

steve- said:


> Thanks everyone for keeping me calm and giving me somthing to think about. I going to write down what I demand and tomorrow I will go through keyogs.I cant deal with it to night going to try to sleep. I'm going to confront her tomorrow or next day thanks again for the advice. I will post outcome for others to see and get some feed back


Do not hesitate to go to the doctor for a little temporary help. Unfortunately, they see this all the time.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

chapparal said:


> Are you talking about the olden days?


 ASAIK, not that olden. My DD22 went through it 5 years ago.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

^Oh yes, that man=stud, woman=slvt double standard is still alive and kicking very hard in the good old 21st century.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I did something stupid and drank some beer last night trying to relax and go to sleep wife took a shower and came to bead and started oral sex on me needless to say we had sex and it was great . I dont understand .I know why people loose there mind know.I cant confront her now I will loose it am going to wait untill after easter .I might go to a doctor and get some magic pills to help me ha ha I haven't seen a doc in sereral years


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Sex is an act, we add the emotional context ourselves. 


> ^Oh yes, that man=stud, woman=slvt double standard is still alive and kicking very hard in the good old 21st century.


Oh and we must live in different cultures. All I heard, growing up, was that all men are dogs and untrustworthy.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Get yourself a VAR and put it where she will be using the computer for Skyping these guys privately . Perhaps the bedroom?

Also, see if you can grab and save the contact info for these guys. They may have gfs and wives you can reach out to an notify of their behaviors,


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

steve- said:


> I did something stupid and drank some beer last night trying to relax and go to sleep wife took a shower and came to bead and started oral sex on me needless to say we had sex and it was great . I dont understand .I know why people loose there mind know.I cant confront her now I will loose it am going to wait untill after easter .I might go to a doctor and get some magic pills to help me ha ha I haven't seen a doc in sereral years


hahaha the sex deterrent.


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## member2012 (Jul 12, 2012)

steve- said:


> I had a chane to rush and look at keylogger what little I saw was to much I guess there are more than on OM I saw where she told one she loved them.I am so sick I could not sleep much less have sex with her.I dont want to touch her with a 10' pole. she may suspect somthing I think my heart pounding shook the whole bead all nighto. I think they may be using Skype I dont understand this very rarely do I get to see her naked with the lights on. Right now I just want a D she discuss me I half to think about my kids . Sorry for the rant im just sick now. I will try to post more when I get the stomach to look
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi Steve,
Sorry you are here. You are getting good advice. 

Your wife is involved in addicted behavior, it takes work on her part to stop it.

I am guessing she never sees any of these guys, and the computer allows here to be uninhibited and she is comfortable with this scenario. She gets to live this fantasy without ever making any real commitments.

If you are worried that she could never overcome this and re-engage in your marriage, I think if you do things right she could not only reengage in your marriage, but she would ultimately look back at this and see it for what it is, addictive behavior that she would be embarrassed of. In order to get there she needs to value you and she needs real consequences in order to prevent this from ever happening again.

I think you should continue to engage with her, show her how great you two can be together, show her the best time with you on all levels. Once you have her attention back on you again, then confront her. 

You don't ever have to let her know you knew all along, just pick a time to discover something, confront her at this time and give her one choice for her to make, and she gets a very short time to make that choice.

If she chooses you and your family, then be prepared that it will take time for her to withdraw from her compulsive behavior, work with her on it and expect her to do the work that it takes. She will need to know that is is normal to take time to withdraw, it is normal to miss the OM, but she will have to go through the pain and feeling of loss in order to overcome the addiction and get to a place where the tow of you can work on your marriage. She will have to go full and complete no contact with OM. She will have to be transparent on all levels and you will need to VAR her car and anything else in order to verify the NC.

It can work if you want to give it a try.

You seem like a hardworking guy who she is obviously still attracted too on some level. Take care of yourself and show her your best.

I imagine with 5 boys you would want to try and make it work if at all possible.

Good luck with what ever you choose.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

member2012 said:


> Hi Steve,
> Sorry you are here. You are getting good advice.
> 
> Your wife is involved in addicted behavior, it takes work on her part to stop it.
> ...


The more I look at the keylogger the more it seems to be an addiction. I know if it wasent for kids it would be D . I will try R but dont think I will take any sh**.I ame really scard I will find naked pic of herself being sent to OM if I do could be a deal braker as I not allowed to see her without close on.I cant understand how she does this type of thing I can embarrass her by saying the puss* word . How long does it take to build trust back?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm not going to sugar coat this - it could take years. She has to prove she's worthy of it first. Just make sure you don't (blindly) trust her too soon, or it very likely you'll end up in the same situation. 

You'll have to continue to monitor her internet time, which is why it's vitally important you don't let her know how you know what she's up to.


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## Doyle (Mar 6, 2013)

When you confront remember not to tell how you know.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

steve- said:


> ....I ame really scard I will find naked pic of herself being sent to OM if I do could be a deal braker as I not allowed to see her without close on....


Steve, if her sending nude pictures of herself to others is a deal-breaker, well then it's a deal-breaker. But I'm going to warn you that she probably is. 

Too many times we hear the same story. A wife won't don't certain things with the H but does with an OM. 

Look, if she's doing this, it's probably because she wants to maintain the "sweet, innocent, wife" image. After all, she's a mommy. Mommy's don't act wantonly in public. The mommy image must be maintained. However, apparently for some the urge to explore another side of themselves can be too strong. 

The anonymity of the internet along with the distance provides some cover for that exploration. Don't go all wild-man if you do find the pictures. It doesn't necessarily mean she's actively looking for hook-ups (giving the benefit of a doubt here). 

You know her best. What's her character like? It sounds like she's bored and lonely. Those are powerful inducements. Erotic messaging can be addictive because it stimulates her - not saying it's right - or justifying - just offering an opinion. 

You do have to take control of this. Proceed with your plan but don't get down on yourself. Sex her up man. If it's going to work out there's no down side to giving her sex (even if she's fantasizing about someone else atm). You can save this marriage. You owe it to your kids to give it your all. 

If it doesn't work out - well, you tried. But don't give up just yet. Even if you do find what I think you'll find. 

OTOH, if you see any messages that plan an actual face-to-face meeting that's another story. 

Do place a VAR near the computer - the skype thing may provide you with some cruel evidence - but you really need to know how far she's going.


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## member2012 (Jul 12, 2012)

steve- said:


> The more I look at the keylogger the more it seems to be an addiction. I know if it wasent for kids it would be D . I will try R but dont think I will take any sh**.I ame really scard I will find naked pic of herself being sent to OM if I do could be a deal braker as I not allowed to see her without close on.I cant understand how she does this type of thing I can embarrass her by saying the puss* word . How long does it take to build trust back?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You shouldn't take any sh**.

People are complex, true intimacy would be doing these things with you, not strangers. Sometimes we need to redevelop ourselves, but know that we can do it with the people that we are closest too, we don't always need to do it with new people, but it is easier to make these changes with new people that don't know us already.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I dont know what to think she is in some kind of sex talk ring or something. I was looking at keylogger and most of the replies on myfitnesspal are very sexual in nature I also found out she is sex chatting through facebook. Havent found any one close yet but keep finding more people she talking dirty to.I just learining how to use the keylogger ,having logs sent to email so I have better access to info.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Unleased unchained. SOunds like she is getting her sexual release from sexting. You'll want to put a recorder in the room where the computer is to find out if there's more.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Ovid said:


> Unleased unchained. SOunds like she is getting her sexual release from sexting. You'll want to put a recorder in the room where the computer is to find out if there's more.


Get a VAR at walmart, not the cheap one, about 50 bucks. Check it out before you use it where she uses the computer.


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## FLGator (Mar 26, 2013)

What is a VAR
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Voice Activated Recorder.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Steve, if her sending nude pictures of herself to others is a deal-breaker, well then it's a deal-breaker. But I'm going to warn you that she probably is.
> 
> Too many times we hear the same story. A wife won't don't certain things with the H but does with an OM.
> 
> ...


This whole EA my wife is having is getting strange I decided to try my best with showing her love, telling her early in the day I wanted to sex her up, all the things she has asked me to do. We watch a movie had a couple of drinks snuggled and went to bed she went right to sleep I was very hurt so I woke her up and asked if I had done something wrong,I know why, long story short no sex. I slep on the chouch. I Get home from work and she asked me if I was worried about the last EA she had, and I told her yes, she swares she is not talking to anyone and she wants to die with me. I asked her if I needed to do anything else different,I have really been trying not to lose her, she said no just to calm down. She said she was very tired so went to bead early,I come to bead a little later after getting all the kids in bead and she cuttled up to me and wanted sex rough sex I have seen her get a little wild but nothing like this I got to leave lights on and we did some pretty wild stuff. She read the book 50 Shades of Gray I guess this is where this came from or one of her sexting partners I have found out she is planning on talking to one while I am on midnights, I know it not face to face because they are talking about time differance from here to there. I thinking about pouring on the nice and see if it joggs her mind and keeps her from doing it. I am also considering not doing anything so I can find out exactly what is going to happen.I am very worried about confrounting her she does fight with depression a little. I think we both are going to halft to see a doctor and get counseling. I did get a VAR. thanks again and happy easter to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## carolinadreams (Nov 30, 2012)

From my wifes affairs, and us trying to understand what happened there's a lot of rationalization and compartmentalization. It will not make sense.

If you wait for it to make sense, it will only get worse. I think it's like Issac Newtons laws: An affair in motion will continue in motion until acted on by an outside force, be that outside force and stop it.


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## Doyle (Mar 6, 2013)

If I were you i'd monitor things for the next couple of days,
but i think your just going to have to bring this up and talk it out.

The big thing is that it doesn't look as though it's physical.

good luck mate,


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Yet another "50 shades" wife gone wild. 

So, Steve, have any of the msgs you've pick up via the keylogger made any mention of Sub/Dom? 

Has she been communicating with a "master"?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

steve- said:


> * I thinking about pouring on the nice and see if it joggs her mind and keeps her from doing it. *


There's no way this will work.

She's not living in the same world as you. She has a second, secret world that has different rules than the world you're living in.

She's living in the second world more and more. There are no chores or unpleasantness in that world, just sex talk, webcamming, and the excitement of forbidden fruit. Of course, it's not real and it will ruin her. It's damaging her right now.

Soon, she will spend almost all of her time in that world.

There are very few problems in this world that shouldn't be tackled head on without delay.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

My fear is like most of these things they start talking about being in love with each other and then she runs off or sooner or later finds a real fantasy that lives close by.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

chapparal said:


> My fear is like most of these things they start talking about being in love with each other and then she runs off or sooner or later finds a real fantasy that lives close by.


Sit by and watch and wait long enough and it's bound to happen. If it hasn't happened already.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Yet another "50 shades" wife gone wild.
> 
> So, Steve, have any of the msgs you've pick up via the keylogger made any mention of Sub/Dom?
> 
> Has she been communicating with a "master"?


Yes one does have a Dom in his profile what does this mean dominating???????????????????????????????


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## carolinadreams (Nov 30, 2012)

It means you are in trouble!

Okay if your wife has fantasies of being a submissive and this guys is a dominant, it means your wife will execute some or all of his orders or commands to here with very little question or hesitation.

The longer you wait to take some action the deeper your wife is going down the rabbit hole, and the more likely she is too do something harmful to herself or her mental health.

You can't nice your way out of this, in fact it's the very worst thing you can do because it won't register.

Save yourself some pain and your wife some shame and put a stop to it.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

If your wife is into this, it won't be long until they are meeting up for sex.

From another forum:

Question from Woman: I am in a great relationship. It is rather new but we getting along wonderfully. It was brought up that because we have strong personalities that I agree to him being the strong one in the relationship. We are really having fun with it and *it is truly what I have been looking for all of my life. Even the sexual stuff. He is a mans man and I love it and look to him for guidance and even find myself asking permission to do things. It is great.* We are exploring all the different possibilities and it is exciting. He is now asking me to go to a different level and I am clueless. I am willing but need to find resources . How far do I have to go as a sub? I understand safe words ect but he is taking about making me wait hours until he comes home not moving from one spot ect. Not that I would mind but I guess I am so new to this am looking for giudelines of how this works... Is there some of sub for dummies thingy out there????LOL

Reply: There is no straight rule book about how a DOM/sub relationship is conducted. The rules are as simple or extreme as you both AGREE for them to be. And the key word here is AGREE. You discuss what your limits are as a sub and he must obey those limits. If he doesn't obey your limits then it's called abuse. If you don't know what your limits are they you guys can experiment with each other to see how far you can go. But I think leaving you in the house for hours till he gets home sounds more like caveman behavior and less like D/s. And you should have a safe word. It can be whatever word you both agree on. 

Original Poster (woman): Thanks for the feed back. He is also saying alot of stuff like I have to do it without question or hesitation. *Kind of scarey but a turn on too*...*I am not allowed to say no...ever *


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## carolinadreams (Nov 30, 2012)

Back story my wife was badly badly depressed, and had a mental breakdown when she was texting with an out of state "Dominant".

He asked her to take pictures of herself and send them to him (which she did), he asked her to find and have sex with a woman (which she did not), after it came out and with about 30 minutes of researching I was able to find where he had multiple personal ads and appeared to like dudes too, she was already out of the fog at this point but I was able to stomp all the luster out of the fantasy.

Unfortunately she hooked up with a local dominant, and had some fumbling in the back of his truck (not full blown sex, but oral). She and I get to deal with that knowledge forever. She's in counseling with a psychiatrist now and he's diagnosed her with some dis-associative aspects, and major depression. She has stated she felt like she was watching herself on tv, and she didn't feel like she could say no to this guy (the local one), she felt addicted to texting with the long distance one.

Pay attention to this, BDSM creates an altered mental state, your wife is already in the fog. You can not nice your way out of this. The longer you wait to bust up this fantasy and put an end to it the more likely you will have the joy of reading a text about one of your wife's encounters.

As soon as I knew what was up I shut it down, I wish I had known earlier.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> I thinking about pouring on the nice and see if it jogs her mind and keeps her from doing it. I am also considering not doing anything so I can find out exactly what is going to happen.I am very worried about confronting her she does fight with depression a little.


Your only going to nice your way into watching her cheat on you. You think the OM is nice to her as she seeks these BDSM fantasies? You Need to END this NOW.

Depression? Yeah we all have some sort of depression these days. (I'm depressed because I want more money) Does that allow or justify cheating on your spouse? You cant walk on egg shells at every turn because she has a little depression. She is still held accountable for her actions. I should go rob a bank because I'm a little broke.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

carolinadreams said:


> Pay attention to this, BDSM creates an altered mental state, your wife is already in the fog. *You can not nice your way out of this. The longer you wait to bust up this fantasy and put an end to it the more likely you will have the joy of reading a text about one of your wife's encounters.*


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You are afraid to stand up to her because you think she will just leave you then. That's not necessarily true. She subconsciously WANTS you to stand up to her and be the leader of the family. Women don't want nice guys, they want strong men who lead.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

steve- said:


> Yes one does have a Dom in his profile what does this mean dominating???????????????????????????????


Well Steve, it looks like your wife is under the influence, if not total control, of a master. 

That night she had wild sex with you with the lights on (something unusual for her) was probably one of his "orders". He's starting out with some "safe-ish" orders and will escalate to full blown sex with him/others - including women. 

Has she shown any interest in foods that are not normal in your household? As I understand it the book is rife with sex-play with foodstuffs.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

During my Ws A she showd less and less respect toward me. It was actually one of the things that got me looking into what was going on.

On dday I told her to get the F out and said as soon as she was gone I was heading to the local bar and was going to F the brains out of the next three girls I met.

All of a sudden I got respect back.

If I had begged, and said "please don't cheat on me" our M would have died that day. I'm sure of it.

Take your respect back. Demand she act right and treat you right.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I just want to thank everyone for all the advice, the last message I intercepted was my wife telling one of the OM if they were ever close to ky she would like to meet for dinner only. I confrounted my wife with just enough evidence and let her lie and really make an ass out of her self. I was calm and let her try to talk her way out of it. I finnaly told her that I guessed her her password and you could see the fog lift from around her I dont think it was ever P but will mointer to make sure. I did not accept any responsibility for anything, mistake I made with the first EA. She told me that she liked the attention received and it was like an addiction. She has cut all ties with the internet and is acting like my wife again. I know we have a lot to work out and I have alot to do for my wife. I just want to say I think the advice from everyone saved my family !!!!!!!!!thanks :smthumbup:


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

Good for you! I hope it works out for you.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

We sure can use the good news around here. Stay on top of things and do not backslide.

Btw, are you going to root for the Cardinals tonight?


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

chapparal said:


> We sure can use the good news around here. Stay on top of things and do not backslide.
> 
> Btw, are you going to root for the Cardinals tonight?


I'm more a UK fan but will be rooting for Cardinals to go all the way:smthumbup:


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## Doyle (Mar 6, 2013)

Nice one mate hope it works out for you but dont trust too much.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

steve- said:


> I'm more a UK fan but will be rooting for Cardinals to go all the way:smthumbup:


Lol, I'm the only UK fan in my family rooting for the Cards. I think my son was rooting for them against Duke though. I think that game caused serious conflict with my wife and daughter, they just wanted thrm both to lose. Haha


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Great action. Good for you. But remember that addictions are EXTREMELY hard to overcome. It didn't just turn off because she cut out the internet. She had better be seeing a therapist at least monthly to work on this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

steve- said:


> Yes one does have a Dom in his profile what does this mean dominating???????????????????????????????


Oh-oh! That's bad. 

You will need to monitor the situation. Keep the keylogger running.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I have logger on home computer we just got smart phones a few months back ,I now have full acess to it ,would I need to put a logger on her phone. I droped the ball last time I wont do it again we both are going to see a counseler. I still have a hard time with it all ,dont know how to build back the trust I had for her. I can understand her need for attention but just dont know how to go on ,going to be a long road!!!!!!! thanks again everyone


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

steve- said:


> I have logger on home computer we just got smart phones a few months back ,I now have full acess to it ,would I need to put a logger on her phone. I droped the ball last time I wont do it again we both are going to see a counseler. I still have a hard time with it all ,dont know how to build back the trust I had for her. I can understand her need for attention but just dont know how to go on ,going to be a long road!!!!!!! thanks again everyone


But you do know that you can do it, right?

She needs proper help from trained professionals.

My best wishes for you both.:smthumbup:


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> But you do know that you can do it, right?
> 
> She needs proper help from trained professionals.
> 
> My best wishes for you both.:smthumbup:


I know time heals all wounds I just think back not to long ago and would have trusted my wife to go on a trip around the world boy I hope time is good at healing. I can make it just hope my wife can.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

steve- said:


> I have logger on home computer we just got smart phones a few months back ,I now have full acess to it ,would I need to put a logger on her phone. I droped the ball last time I wont do it again we both are going to see a counseler. I still have a hard time with it all ,dont know how to build back the trust I had for her. I can understand her need for attention but just dont know how to go on ,going to be a long road!!!!!!! thanks again everyone


Read this thread.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/privat...thing-may-having-affair-really-need-help.html


You will see how difficult/impossible It is to track what is going on with a smart phone. She can do anything she wants on the phone she can do on a computer with out being tracked. One thing you can do is get her deleted messages if she is not using an app designed to hide them. By synch her phone to itunes and getting the right program, you can get deleted texts.

If she uses inprivate browsing you cannot see her browsing history unless you jailbreak the phone and install a keylogger. I think. Others here can help you with that.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

It wont let me in that thread


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

A few mow post and you will have access to the "private member section", a whole new forum.
Don't know the specifics, in my case it just appeared in the forum lists as I logged in one fine day.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

steve- said:


> It wont let me in that thread


Sorry, you have to have thirty posts to get in , you are at 29. Not sure how long you have to wait after thirty, but not long I believe.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

I need 30 post so this should do it


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

Should I put webwatcher on her phone it is a samsung galexy express?????????????


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

steve- said:


> Should I put webwatcher on her phone it is a samsung galexy express?????????????


If you can do it you absolutely should. For her to go cold turkey is going to be next to impossible. If you find something though, consider letting it go long enough to find out everything she is doing.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

chapparal said:


> If you can do it you absolutely should. For her to go cold turkey is going to be next to impossible. If you find something though, consider letting it go long enough to find out everything she is doing.


I took about 1.5 days for me to access the members section after hitting the 30 mark.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

Should I let my wife get back on FaceBook, she has not asked but most of her family lives out of state and they share photos and talk through FaceBook I am considering telling her it's ok with me as long as I know user name and password and only friend family and close friends. What does everyone think I have gotten very good advice on here.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

I would make sure its a Joint Married page with a big picture of the two of you!!!


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

^^^ Not a bad idea, ShootMePlz!

It's still early days, Steve. It's still safest to only grant her access on a computer/laptop with a keylogger installed. And something similar if she still has her smartphone.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, it HAS to be a joint page. And NO PASSWORDS.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

steve- said:


> Should I let my wife get back on FaceBook, she has not asked but most of her family lives out of state and they share photos and talk through FaceBook I am considering telling her it's ok with me as long as I know user name and password and only friend family and close friends. What does everyone think I have gotten very good advice on here.


I don't/won't have a FB account, so someone else may be able to answer this.

If she opens a secret account(s), will Steve- be able to find out about it?

Steve-, it's been awhile since a read your post, did you put a key logger on your PC?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, you MUST have a keylogger installed on the computer without her knowing about it. And you MUST be able to view ALL interactions on her phone (call/text/computer).


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I don't/won't have a FB account, so someone else may be able to answer this.
> 
> If she opens a secret account(s), will Steve- be able to find out about it?
> 
> Steve-, it's been awhile since a read your post, did you put a key logger on your PC?


yes but not on phone yet


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

Given the severity of her online infidelity, I think FB is out of the question. In your shoes, I wouldn't let her have a smart phone. Just too easy to hide things.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Remember Steve the phone is the dangerous one. It's totally independent of your house, comes with a camera (?) and can have apps installed that seem totally innocent on the surface but have unrecoverable texting capabilities.


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## steve- (Mar 25, 2013)

yes the phone scares me, has anyone used a keylogger on a samsung galexy express I have made up my mind if I catch her again I will let her know with divorce papers!!!!!!!!!!!! as soon as planting season is over we will be going to MC .I ame starting to think she got to drinking to much and lost sight of who she is a wife and mother of 5


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You're a farmer? Cool. Thank you for doing that.


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## Logan 3 (Apr 24, 2013)

steve- said:


> I'm a active man 6' 2" 190 lb I know I could tone up a bit but do I need to be buff for my wife to love me. I am in better shape than she but she is getting into shape, I guess for the wrong reasons .I dont drink very often ,maybe a few bears once a weak,but might halft to tonight that is another thing she has started drinking about every night after kids go to bead I. My house can be loud with 5 boys so I chock it up as unwinding ,I don't know what to think now


Just wanted to say I can relate, Steve. I will follow your situation here, and hope things work out for the best.


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