# Calm before the storm



## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I never wanted to actually end up posting here. In my mind I always saw a recovery..or reconciliation but despite my best efforts and intentions I'm now faced with the ugly D word.

I finally left Feb 24th. I'm sure with all the people on here no one really remembers my previous problematic saga\soap opera that had become my life, but it just finally had gotten to such a bad point that I either went, without hate..or we would have completely destroyed eachother. I didn't want that, I didn't want to hate the person I declared to love the rest of my life. The day I decided to leave, he had refused to come home because of an emotional conversation we'd had a day before when I said i needed time and a vacation. Left to go take care of some things, promised to return, and sent me a message on FB being nasty and refusing to return so I could get my vacation. He then wasn't going to allow me to drive to work, until he made a scene infront of his friends explaining how he'd rather not inconvenience them for me, because he could give a F about inconveniencing me. That was my last straw. As absolutely horrid as things had gotten (and I mean, I had dents in my car from him punching it because I asked him to use Tide laundry detergent..the other detergent causes me girl problems) It wasn't until that point that I couldn't take anymore.

I left in a day mostly. And even for a week afterwards the two of us decided we wanted to make it work, to try dating again like we never got to do, it was wonderful. We were going to look into therapy..it was so nice. 

Unfortunately that was all for show, and now I've got an empty bank account, all the bills from last month, and the worst rumors imaginable flying all over the town I used to live in. Its coming from his parents, is coming from him, he's stating how his famiy members want to beat me up, it's just a mess. I told all of them that It wasn't that I didn't love the man, but we needed space because what was going on between us was so abusive and was not going to improve from where we were.

Now it seems like they'd rather run my name through the mud and slaughter whoever anyone thought I was, while he carries on about how great life is since his "unleashing" just to try and pick at me and victimize him.

Im slowly getting myself on track to what i have to do. Myself and my animals are healthier and generally very much happier than we've been in a year. I have no car, I have no money, I don't even have a bedroom at this point BUT I have peace of mind and a calm environment My sanity is returning and so is my person. I might not have saved my marriage, but i did save myself..

I could have never imagined on my wedding day that things would have come to this, and that the people who claimed to love me would turn in such an instant. I've no idea what is in store down the road and certainly NO idea how divorce works in any way but at least now i can handle it with a clear head when it comes.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Best of luck in your future.


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

*hugs* i understand how u feel in regards to your exs family. i thought my exs family would have been supportive to us both but in the end i'm the bad person.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

its just quite unfortunate. My family has been nothing but nice and understanding, he is STILL welcomed here any time he feels he wants to be. By my moms standards the two of us are adults and it is OUR situation, not hers and we should handle it ourselves. 

Thats how I see it as well. I expect no anti-him behavior from them or anyone else I did and still do love him, and that won't fade even if I have to move on for myself now. We both are at fault, I'll never see the sense in trying to place blame..but I was raised that way I suppose I shouldn't assume everyone else was.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

You have quit an amazing attitude with what you have been put through...keep that and healing will happen a lot more quickly than those of us that feel the anger flowing through us!!!

may God Bless you!


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I do have my anger. I just spent so much time angry and hurt and what not over the last year that I really don't have much left. I make it a point to be opposite of him. I don't spew hatred, I don't slander him, and I don't go out and act on the need to pay him back for whatever 'misdeed' he may have done.

I think the difference is Im the one who left with the love from our marriage, and he's managed to thrive in hatred for over a year. That doesn't negate the regret and hurt from his actions, it just generally keeps me more calm.


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