# Thanking wife for sex???



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Quick summary. No more Mr. Nice guy, read the e-book.

No sex from wife for about 2 weeks so I left her alone.

After I got home from work yesterday, napping on the couch, she grabs a pillow and looks at me. I asked her, want to cuddle or no? She says "YES" to cuddling, so on top of me she went.

5 minutes later, hand down my pants but fell asleep AGAIN during foreplay with my penis in her hand!!!. Wakes up, about 15 minutes later, BJ. Pretty good BJ actually. Then we cuddle for an hour or so. I get up, she looks at me and says, what do you say? I am thinking, I have to say thank you for sex now? I told her, I'm not asking, begging or saying please and thank you for sex!!! I also told her sex once every 2 weeks is unacceptable and that's not up for debate!!! No comment.

Then she starts pushing my leg with her foot. Want to get me some KFC? I tell her, I'm making some organic chicken fingers. She wanted junk food. I told her, you had the day off, why couldn't you walk 15 minutes and buy KFC for the two of us? No comment. Then she made herself a healthy meal. Organic omlet with english muffins, quite yummy and it only took her 10 minutes to make it. She doesn't need food like KFC when she is big and needs to lose a lot of weight.

After that, I was watching some tv and she comes back, and says, I want to watch UnderCover Boss and lifts her leg and farts. I left the room and went upstairs on the computer for the night.

I know its her time of the month, but is this acceptable? Let it all slide because time of the month?


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Quick summary. No more Mr. Nice guy, read the e-book.
> 
> No sex from wife for about 2 weeks so I left her alone.
> 
> ...


NOOO ........... NOT acceptable at all !! I mean WTF she fell asleep with your c**k in her hand ??? With all due respect ..... as bad as that was ..... for her to lift her leg and farts ??? Not sure which is exactly worse ??? 

PS If my wife did either / or with me ...... I would honestly think I'd rather be all alone on a Friday or Saturday night trying to figure out what to do for the evening ?? Reading soo many sad threads of seperations and divorces here sucks but how your wife treats you IMHO is worse sorry ??


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Are you for real?

Um no this isn't acceptable under ANY circumstances. WOW.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I was thinking, since it is her week of the month, and she is in pain, it's okay and not to read too much into this, was my take, not correct then?


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Rude behavior and disrespect is never to be tolerated. There is never an excuse....ever! Did she say this is why she was rude. If so tell her to stay at someone else's house while she has PMS or any other "symptoms." To be quite honest I don't think I would want sex from someone like that let alone pity or pity poor sex.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Oh, I can be a b!tch to live with when I'm on my period, or even the week before it. But the sh!t you just described? Hell, I wouldn't blame my husband if he wanted a divorce if I tried that. No, it is NOT acceptable. Not when she's on her period. Not when she's got PMS. Not when...well, not ANY time. She was/is totally disrespectful... and you STILL took it/let it slide. 

As Mavash said.... WOW....


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Time of the month can make some cranky (does me) but you don't lose the ability to have manners, and expecting thanks for a bj.....:slap:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

We'll, I didn't take it. I told her sex once every 2 weeks is not acceptable and not up for debate. I told her no, I'm not getting KFC, you had the day off and I went to make myself chicken fingers. After she farted and wanted to watch her tv show, I abruptly left for the night. She does get angry/*****y about 3 - 4 days before her week and during her week as well, so that's nothing new. Then she got mad about how I've had a day off each week for the last 3 weeks due to shop job sharing, a work slow down. First time I've done that in 8 years of full time work. I'm expected to do chores on that day. I told her, I always do some minor chores every day after work and you don't, so don't talk about chores. No comment.


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> We'll, I didn't take it. I told her sex once every 2 weeks is not acceptable and not up for debate. I told her no, I'm not getting KFC, you had the day off and I went to make myself chicken fingers. After she farted and wanted to watch her tv show, I abruptly left for the night. She does get angry/*****y about 3 - 4 days before her week and during her week as well, so that's nothing new. Then she got mad about how I've had a day off each week for the last 3 weeks due to shop job sharing, a work slow down. First time I've done that in 8 years of full time work. I'm expected to do chores on that day. I told her, I always do some minor chores every day after work and you don't, so don't talk about chores. No comment.


Nice thing to find your balls, isn't it? I'm reading the book now,too and I have to say it is pretty damn truthful and enlightening.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Agreed.

Today she seems to be much better. happier and talkative. Went out with her girlfriend and had a blast. Maybe it was just the time of the week thing?!


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Tell her that felt great


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

Hubby doesn't say "thank you," but he appears pretty grateful. Without this "gratitude" he wouldn't be seeing much action.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Umm when I first read this I thought the... "what do you say?" was a hint at going further then a bj..... Now I get if someone says after.. "babe that was incredible... Damn!" I dont get this please and thank you thing when it comes to sex. Whatever to that and good for you for putting your foot down there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

We're watching UFC, cuddling on the couch and she loves both. I told her, you feel asleep with my penis in your hand last night!!! Never again or I'm going upstairs. She said, she doesn't like it when I have a 1 - 2 hour nap after work on the couch. Really!? So I told her, jump on me, cuddle up, tell me a bit about your day and fall asleep. If you need a long talk session, go out and do something after work, gym......get it our of your system, not always 1 - 2 hours every day on the phone with your sis and parents. No comment. 

I decided to go out to get something for supper. So I told her I'm getting us wraps and I'll see you in a bit. I came back, she's happier, but tells me, I don't like it when you rest your arm on the tv tray table. Are you protecting your food? I told her, no, I'm resting my arm!!! Or I can't eat two wraps and soup just for me. I told her, eat one for supper and have the other for work Sunday. Ok, she said. DOH!!!!

I'm trying not to get angry and ruin our evening......think positive thoughts. 

Oh, I did tell her last evenings BJ was awesome, perfect what she did.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I just finished using the stove and decided to leave open the door so it would cool off the quickest. My wife see this, gets angry, the cat will jump in there get burned or die. I look at her, seriously?! Our cat isn't stupid and hasn't done this in 11 years. But she gets mad and closes the door anyway. So I opened it, she came back, got angry, and hit me as hard as she could in my chest.Wow. I told her, you aren't winning this one, left the door open and she went upstairs for bed and to read. But just before that, I was giving her a hug and rubbing her back and she loved it.

Is my wife nuts?:scratchhead:


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

No and if she wants it shut why didnt you just shut it? I think you are going overboard with that. Is there any reason why it should be cooled off immediately? Cats may be intelligent but that doesnt mean they dont male the same mistake twice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

That seems really silly....
It's 12:30am
Who cares how long it takes the oven to cool?
It's an oven.... being hot is kind of its job.
It won't melt. Promise

And if her cat has jumped in once before,
Its no surprise that she's uncomfortable with it being left open.

Sometimes you have to pick your battles,
This shouldn't have been one.



CuddleBug said:


> I just finished using the stove and decided to leave open the door so it would cool off the quickest. My wife see this, gets angry, the cat will jump in there get burned or die. I look at her, seriously?! Our cat isn't stupid and hasn't done this in 11 years. But she gets mad and closes the door anyway. So I opened it, she came back, got angry, and hit me as hard as she could in my chest.Wow. I told her, you aren't winning this one, left the door open and she went upstairs for bed and to read. But just before that, I was giving her a hug and rubbing her back and she loved it.
> 
> Is my wife nuts?:scratchhead:


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

It's the "Get up and Bar the Door Ballad" from the 1700's.

Thieves make off with their pudding because both are too proud to get up and bar the door.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

man it's all fun at your house.


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## broken888 (Jan 19, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I just finished using the stove and decided to leave open the door so it would cool off the quickest. My wife see this, gets angry, the cat will jump in there get burned or die. I look at her, seriously?! Our cat isn't stupid and hasn't done this in 11 years. But she gets mad and closes the door anyway. So I opened it, she came back, got angry, and hit me as hard as she could in my chest.Wow. I told her, you aren't winning this one, left the door open and she went upstairs for bed and to read. But just before that, I was giving her a hug and rubbing her back and she loved it.
> 
> Is my wife nuts?:scratchhead:


You sound like you're at the end of your rope so are, despite yourself, instigating confrontation. The oven didn't need to cool and your wife obviously cares about the cat and no matter how preposterous it seems, her desire to shut the oven door was 100% justified.

You reopening it is a result of anger, and in this case, you were at fault (however justified you felt).

Her hitting you in the chest, on the other hand, is completely out of line. If my wife hit me I would use her transgression against her -- she needs to know that you won't accept being hit, and because she was the one at fault, you can use the incident to demand she change in other ways -- use the punch as a segue to discuss overall dissatisfaction with her disrespectful behaviour.

Are you overweight or just her? I can't understand how a woman can want to eat KFC and act so lazy -- doesn't she want self-confidence? You need to accept your responsibility as a husband and man and teach your wife how to respect her self and you.


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## Leading Man (Dec 11, 2012)

Yes, pretty much.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> I don't like it when you rest your arm on the tv tray table.


You may think this is a silly question, but do you eat in front of the T.V on a regular basis?

My wife and I communicate a LOT at the kitchen table and I highly recommend turning off all electronics, including the phone, and enjoy the simplicity of sharing a meal together with no distractions. Preparing a meal together is a great bonding experience too. Simple, but is very effective IMHO.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I think from now on, I will only leave the stove open a crack instead of completely open, even though, I've always done this, the cat has never jumped into the stove in her entire life and my wife is over-reacting. Compromise on my part and its done.

My wife always hits me hard when she gets mad. I've joked about it before, husband abuse!!! She just looks at me. See, I'm big and strong, great shape but I don't go hitting my wife when she angers me. It's only verbal. For some reason, her instinctive response is to hit. Yes she is a big girl and still wants to eat unhealthy and does. That's why I do the grocery shopping, healthier choices for us that we both would eat and there's a big variety. I always tell her, if there's anything new you want to try, lets see. Even then crackers, chips, etc. are organic and for the most part wheat / gluten free.

When I came to bed last night, my wife was partially asleep and I proceeded to rub her feet. She gets mad, don't touch them. It's only a foot massage. She doesn't like to be touched much because of her insecurity and larger size.

Sometimes I eat while on the computer and my wife is on her laptop. Sometimes we eat together watching tv. It's a mix of what we'd like to do.

See, as soon as my wife gets home from work, she almost immediately calls her parents and sister and talks for 1 - 2 hours about her day and everything and goes on and on. She also did this right after we got married and moved into our first apartment over 13 years ago. I've asked her, why not get some hobbies for stress? She always tells me, I know I should but never does. 13+ years later, she hasn't changed. She wants to get her teeth straightened but knows it will cost a lot of money. I tell her, get the estimate, and use my line of credit. Then pay it back with low interest at the rate you are comfortable with. 13 years later.....nada. Maybe now she will do it, who knows. I wanted laser eye and I got it done and not 13+ years later.......


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Pro's:

- frugal (great with money; totally trust her)
- faithful (trust her going out, etc.)
- kind, loving, generous
- would make a great mom
- intelligent (degree, high honors)
- great career / job she likes (best yet)
- loves cats and pets
- there for me in times of need (almost too much)
- strong connection with her family (too much at times)


Con's:

- low sex drive and self esteem, insecure
- needs to lose a lot of weight (knows this)
- talks but usually doesn't follow through
- never takes sexual initiative, no fantasies, etc.
- hits when angry
- leaves her mess, procrastinator
- has goals for herself but never does them
- caters too much for her family (I call her a doormat at times)
- somewhat passive (I have to take the initiative to get things done)


Being more alpha has helped. Random flowers on the dinner table (not for sex or making up) with card and chocolates. Random food ready for her as a surprise after work. Doing majority of the chores, some every day so all she has to do is swiffer the floors, laundry and dusting. I do pretty much everything else. If I leave the sex to her, 1 - 2 times a month. If I initiate, she usually rejects me (not in the mood, etc.) but it's now 1 - 2 times a week. 3+ times a week is too much for her and says all you want is sex?! We rarely fight, only verbal arguments at times. I can only do so much. It looks like I am doing the changing, compromising, have taken care of myself, get things done (not just talking......), you get the idea.

I'm always open to try and make our marriage better. 

Are most women like my wife???


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## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Pro's:
> 
> - frugal (great with money; totally trust her)most women i know
> - faithful (trust her going out, etc.) yes
> ...


 no, read red 

if i do all the housework, looking after kids all day and cook a nice dinner for everyone then i would like a *thank you

*:smthumbup:

or if i had my monthly and was in a bad way ( heavy) then maybe if hubby asked me to relieve him and i did i might ask for a thanks because if i am in pain and have heavy period then obviously i dont want sex

does this make sense 

by the way i am one of the rare women that i dont really get pms ?, ok maybe i am a little more snappy but most of the time my hubby didnt know when i was getting them


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Why would you rub someone's feet after they hit you? 

Seems like a weird relationship. You are at a place where you fight about petty things, both need to win the argument.... 

Something's got to give. Why not go to marriage counseling?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Before she got home from work, I cleaned the kitchen and dishes, garbage, made the bed and when she got in the door, I asked her how her day was, gave her a big huge and rubbed her back at the same time. She fell into me, relaxed........

We cuddled on the couch, my arm around her, under the sheets, watching the Canucks lose again and ManTracker. She dozed off in minutes and got up 30 minutes late, warm and cozy. I cuddled with her too much, she was saying, no more.

A good evening.

No anger or hitting me....heh.

I would consider marriage counseling if it actually did something and not just talk about our sex issues, which we already know about.

Oh, I only left the stove partially opened this time......haha.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

But it's not really all about sex issues is it? Or is that what MC ends up being about? 

Seems like it's all about respect. 

Seems like she is happy when you kiss her butt, and you are happy if she doesn't hit you. 

You'd like more sex.... but as long as she isn't all pissy at you then it's no big deal? 

Personally, I think... if someone has a crappy attitude to me (especially the one who is supposed to CHERISH me)....then I'm not doing ANYTHING for them. Not cleaning, not cuddling, not showing empathy....


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I thank my wife for every little thing. Every day. Multiple times through the day. I let her know that she is central to this family with everyone so dependent upon her. Laundry, dishes, cooking, school time with the kids. After sex, sure. She thanks me for every little thing I do too. 

Because I really am grateful. So is she. The kids say thank you because they see Daddy saying thank you. When Mommy calls, the kids come right away while saying "I'm coming, right away" because that is what Daddy does. 

Not saying thank you for a BJ? Then you shouldn't get them. She may have lots of problems, but "thank you" is mandatory as far as I am concerned.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

So very true.

I will continue to read and learn from everyone here and hopefully this will help me marriage. Only time will tell.

I waited for my wife this morning, so we left together, gave her a big hug and kiss, and she was smiling.......no more. She likes.

I really hope she doesn't become obese and has no sex drive when she gets in her 40's and later menopause. Don't know at that point, divorce or no?!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

So many issues...

"What do you say"? You should have said thanks when she finished. It's polite. It's NOT a sign that you're beta. Pardon the analogy, but when a dog does something right, you reward it by patting its head and saying "Good boy". A "Thank-you" is a way of encouraging "good behavior".

Buying KFC? A simple response about you cooking something healthy would have sufficed.

The fart? I would have called her on her juvenile behavior and continued watching what you were watching.

Funny... the one instance you should have called her on something, you retreated. The two instances you could have responded firmly and calmly you seemed to be baiting her for an argument.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Quick summary. No more Mr. Nice guy, read the e-book.
> 
> No sex from wife for about 2 weeks so I left her alone.
> 
> ...


What a disaster. 

I can't. I just can't.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Pro's:
> 
> - frugal (great with money; totally trust her)
> - faithful (trust her going out, etc.)
> ...


OK just because I happen to like who I am I will reply. I have all your wifes good points except I am not into pets. I like looking at animals but TBH I don't want the responsibility of looking after them. 
I am a veg. though so at least i don't eat animals 

Have none of your wife's negative points, Yay for me.

The only way I want to be thanked for sex is to be chased around the house and dragged back to the bedroom. Call me crazy if you want.

But seriously, there are some real issues there, I am sorry that it is all such a struggle for you.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Sometimes I eat while on the computer and my wife is on her laptop. Sometimes we eat together watching tv. It's a mix of what we'd like to do.


And neither are great for good communication. They're distractions, which you don't need. Try having a meal at the table and doing the dishes together. See how much more you communicate.


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## Armywife2010 (Jan 22, 2013)

Ok...As a woman, my time of the month isn't pleasant. I have migraines with them so I usually am a bit snippy. But I still take care of my husband and children. I don't usually like to be intimate during this time cause for me it is a little gross. But I do ask my husband if there is anything sexual I can do for him so he doesn't have to suffer the sex-less week with me. 
Your wife seems as though you should be grateful for whatever she is willing to provide for you. Which really isn't fair. Marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment of putting someone else's needs in front of your own. 
And I'm sorry but the farting and rude behavior is just in bad taste. There is a time and a place for such behavior..I suppose. But I would think most husbands want a lady..not a wretch.
My advice would be to have a "tell all" discussion with her about what you need, want, feel, expect and then ask her to open up as well. 
I myself, need to lose weight and have asked for help, accepted I need to change and am trying to make the changes in my lifestyle. 
This is a VERY sensitive subject for ALL women. But if her weight is getting to a point of being unhealthy and unattractive..I am SURE she knows it too. 
Ask her gently if she wants your help and support losing the weight. Make a game plan that works for you two. Workout together and encourage her.
But to your question should all be overlooked because its her time of the month I say NO!
There is never an excuse to disrespect your spouse of make them feel the way she obviously made you feel. And you need to address this with her and ask her how she would feel if the situation were reversed!?


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