# Oh well



## Alan_ (Jun 28, 2014)

Things have taken a turn for the worse for what i was hoping for. Tried to invite over for dinner and a movie one afternoon. Asked that we could talk nothing about our relationship, just generic stuff, trying to break the tension. Felt wether we stayed together or not it would be helpful. She immediately replied that she wouldn't be able to relax around me and be friends until the divorce had been reconciled or complete. So I right away asked for the divorce paperwork which she sent and my lawyer pointed out some issues and after two or three revisions there was one I could sign. I did that yesterday evening. That was the single worst day of my life. Today not much better. Went to doctor for anti depression medicine and after reading the side effects, I'm too scared to take. I mean, I'm by myself and worry about the really bad ones not to mention all the possible "man performance" side effects. So thinking I should just tuff it out. Seems harder than in the past. Can't seem to stay busy enough. I have come to grips with the fact that it's over but just can't make my mind move on. The doctor gave me 20mg generic Celexa. Anyone familiar. Or should I just man up and work through it. Everything I see or do reminds me of stuff I will probably never do again with the ex. Not to mention I gave her the house and 1 year to refinance or it becomes mine. Everyone says she left, walked on the marriage and I was more than generous on the terms. She seems willing to give me anything from the house I want but really bad wants away from me. I will never understand. Meanwhile she seems to go out with friends almost every night. Shouldn't matter to me but can't help thinking about it. FB is the worst when I see others post pictures of her having fun. Think I just need to stay off of that. Looking to absorb any help or good feeling someone can provide. Thanks in advance.


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

There is no such thing as 'man up'. Take what your doctor gave you and I hope for you to be happier and healthier soon.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Take her out of your friends list in FB. Find things to stay busy with, like working out. Find some hobbies you've been neglecting. Get a new haircut and wardrobe. 

C
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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I am not a fan of taking anti-depressants (I'm sure I'm gonna get blasted for saying this). I was married to a neurologist for 20 years and used to type his dictation.

I have read horror stories about his patients trying to come off of SSRIs (like Celexa, Prozac, Zoloft, etc.), benzodiazepines (Xanax, Klonopin, Ativan, etc.) among other psychotropic drugs.

Most will not agree with me, but there are almost always better alternatives to powerful pharmaceutical drugs.

I vote to stay away from the Celexa.


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## Alan_ (Jun 28, 2014)

Yea, happy... I would agree. Will try some music or books on tape tonight and good old fashion NyQuil tomorrow maybe some sleep will help me cope. My wife of 20 years and 8 days has left me. It's supposed to hurt a little. But may have to reconsider if no luck by Sunday. Besides it probably does nothing right away. On another note I'm gonna put smart phone out of reach. Really think it's been part of the problem.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

are you exercising? if you aren't that's where to go first.
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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Your best bet is to not go on facebook for now, block her profile or her close friends profiles. It will do you no good seeing pictures of her and even seeing one by random chance will just suck you back into looking for more. Turning off the phone would help also. Less technology does wonders sometimes.

Its takes trial and error to keep your mind distracted as everyone need to find there own niche. Some exercise, some reading. I suggest doing lots of little things, keep changing your focus it gives you mind something new to think about. Start changing your routines too, people are creatures of habit and if you start changing the habits it forces your brain to concentrate. Just little things like that will help you.

I personally would stay away from the prescriptions, they don’t make the pain go away, they may dull it or mask it but its still there. Doctors love passing out happy pills but it wont fix your problem. When my mess first started I couldn’t sleep so doc gave me some sleeping pills and while they did put me to sleep the vivid nightmares were so horrible it just wasn’t worth it. 

You did what you felt you needed to do to get your life back again. It wasn’t an easy decision but a decision that had to be made. You have every right to feel depressed right now and its natural just remember the goal is your long term happiness, not the short term pain today.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

I can only share some of the things I did when my marriage fell apart. Everyone is different and nobody heals the same way or in the same amount or time. Furthermore, there is no magic plan to follow. You need to go through all the stages of pain and suffering in order to reach forgiveness and indifference.

Take as much time as you need for you. To think, remember, grieve, and remember. Search your feelings and your soul. Eventually you should, hopefully, realize that love means letting go and hoping for her happiness. You can't make someone love you.

Out of sight, out of mind. Get rid of all nonessential photos, videos, gifts, and keepsakes from her. No better time to move on like the present. Get off of Facebook, or at minimum delete/block the EX.

Join a gym. Work out. Go biking. Change your diet. Buy some new clothes. Enroll in college classes. Rekindle old friendships. Take up a new hobby. Go to church. Join a Meet-up Group.

What do you want? Think about your life before her. What were you doing then? How did you pass your times. What drives you? What makes you happy? Pursue those things like you used to, before you met her. And find new things that interest you.

Learn to be mindful. Live your life in the now; don't be reckless about your future but do not worry about tomorrow. There's no point in worrying about things you cannot control. So accept your circumstances and take steps to improve your current state. Do this everyday. 

Learn to love and forgive yourself. Own your mistakes but don't clobber yourself for making them. You are human; it's irrational to believe that no one blunders. 

Make peace with your pain; make friends with your hurt. It doesn't go away overnight, so get used to it being around, like a stranger you see often but hardly know. You will get used to it. And then one day it will be gone and you will barely notice. 

You have to take control of your emotions. That doesn't mean becoming numb. It means deciding how you will live in this world, a wonderful place filled with interesting people who will sometimes hurt you if you let them. If you allow the world to dictate your love and happiness you will let yourself get hurt. Seek love in the right places.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Sorry about the filing.

You might consider a natural supplement for your moods instead of narcotics.

If you have not already individual counseling(IC) will surprise you at how helpful it is.

Stretch


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## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

I started taking sleeping pills when he left. I took Ambien. And wow I slept like a baby, or so I thought, I awoke in the middle of the night as if under hypnosis and did some crazy stuff. When my kids told me what I did and said and even recorded it, I said hell no stop this and wake up girl. That's when I focused more spiritually. Prayer is what has me here today.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm with happy, I have good friend that's a well known psycho-pharmacologist and a leading authority on antidepressants. He owns a few patents related to these drugs as well, and he's told me some scary stuff about side effects and getting off of them. I'd stay away if possible, it's not like they never do good but they're risky. The issue is that they're messing with the brain, and the brain is not well understood.

Block her on all social media and get lots of exercise. If you run at all look up a local running club; they're everywhere, have members of all ages and abilities, and are very social.
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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Block her on FB, for sure. That way when friends posts pics of her, they wont show in your news feed. As far as the Celexa goes, if you feel you need some help, try it. Celexa and similar SSRI anti depressants are pretty well tolerated...I have taken generic Prozac a few times, and had minimal side effects. You can wean off of it when you feel like you can cope on your own. If you end up not needing it, then great! Be good to yourself right now, do what YOU feel you need to do to cope, whether you take the meds, get into a workout routine, pick up an old hobby...whatever it takes.


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