# Custody battle with an alcoholic spouse in TN



## dadnTN (Aug 6, 2012)

First and foremost, I am in TN. I have a 3 1/2yo daughter with my wife, and an 8yo son from a prior relationship that i have straight 50 50 custody of. My wife filed for divorce about four months ago, our temporary hearing followed a few weeks later. We both sought PRP and asked for 80 days for the other. My wife had become an alcoholic by the end of our marriage and that is exactly what I testified in court. She of course made the same claims against me along with a few others that were completely false. It became a he said she said mess. The judge granted me three weekends a month and one day per week of my choice. He also told us to go work it out, that he had no interest in hearing us squabble in the future. I was assigned a child support obligation and a final hearing date was set for five months past the temp hearing. Since our temp hear, we have worked out a 50 50 split between ourselves, divided assets and debts and essentially done everything but sign an agreement. This is where the trouble begins... I began to notice and received reports of irresponsible behavior on her part. I have maintained a timeline of occurrences and attempted to keep track of them as best I can. Just to hit the high spots... 

She has spoken to me while inebriated and in care of our daughter on two occasions, each time I spoke to a responsible party who claimed to be in control of the situation.

She began taking Klonopin, in addition to Xanax and Zoloft prescribed for anxiety

I received word from mutual friends that she had been drinking heavily and had become very promiscuous which was out of character for her, however this was on her time, not during parenting time.

She has asked me to keep our daughter on three separate occasions during her scheduled time. I found out after the fact that she was partying through witnesses

She has exhibited memory loss on several occasions, this is a side effect of mixing alcohol with klonopin. On one occasion she actually forgot I was coming to get our child.

She has a romantic relationship with her neighbor whom she reports "put his hands on her" at some point. She also reported him to the law for drug possesion. He was arrested and charged with misdemeanor possession and paraphernalia. She continues to have the relationship with my daughter present, often including her in trips to the lake, zoo ect...

I received first hand information that she was abusing her prescription by over taking the medication, as well as drinking to the point of passing out on a nightly basis. She is supposedly having relations with multiple partners, unprotected while doing this partying. She was allowing strangers or people she had known for two weeks or less to enter her apartment and behave the same way. This was happening with my daughter in the apartment.

I have three separate witnesses that approached me with concerns for my daughters safety. They advised me that the situation is out of control and I need to do something before an incident occurs. They made the following claims.

a alcohol, marijuana and pill abuse

b That my daughter found a "pipe" and bag full of marijuana while in her home

c That my daughter isnt being feed properly, bathed, or given clean clothes

d That my daughter can and does leave the apartment of her own free will unattended by an adult

e That my wife and her new neighbor/boyfriend have explosive arguments involving yelling, cursing, and door slamming in the presence of my daughter

f That my daughter has begun wetting herself (she has been potty trained for two years, this does not happen ever)

g My daughter has walked in on her mother in the act of romantic relations



I have taken the folowing steps at my attys advice

contacted DCS with a full account of the allegations

had the police do a welfare check on the apartment

and filed for temporary custody, my hearing is still three weeks out


Im left with how to prove the things that are being claimed against my wife in court. All three witnesses have agreed to testify, each of which have questionable lifestyles of their own. Im saving text messages, emails, facebook photos, ect... all trying to build a case. I have looked online for methods of proving alcoholism and the best thing ive found is this FAEE and EtG alcohol hair test i had never heard of. Supposedly it can prove from a hair sample if a person is dependent on alcohol by showing the last 180 days worth of drunkenness. What would it take to have the court order this kind of test? I feel as though this would be the silver bullet with regard to proving she has a problem. I dont want to take our daughter from her mother... however she must get professional help with her dependency issues. This entire process has been exhausting physically and emotionally. I apologize if some of the pieces dont seem to fit together, there is 25 times more information I left out for the sake of time and boredom on the readers part. Any advice or questions would be much appreciated. I would like to eventually get to a point I feel my daughter is safe with her mother and successfully co parent with her. Thanks in advance for help and suggestions.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

dadnTN said:


> I have taken the folowing steps at my attys advice
> 
> contacted DCS with a full account of the allegations
> 
> ...


Unfortuneately you cannot control your stbx's behavior nor do you have a say in what she does. The he said she said is a waste of the courts time, which is why the judge told you all to leave. 

Your best course of action is to try and collect evidence that you can use in court, which is what you are doing. Your atty is giving some good advice and you are off to a solid start. Check with your atty with regards to you options if you suspect she is under the influence with your daughter in her care. If the police do a welfare check and find she is, make sure you are there to collect your daughter to take her to a safe environment.

Make sure you are getting copies of any reports that the police may file and keep on CPS. This solid evidence will help your case. Make sure you document everything you are doing with your daughter. Don't waste much time documenting what you have "heard" about your stbx, it gets into the he said/she said again. Show what a great Dad you are and how well your daughter is in your care.

Here is a great resource to start, The List:Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum • View topic - THE LIST (Print It)

It has a lot of good information you can use to stategize with your atty to develop a plan moving forward.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

OMG.. this is a terrible story. You seem to be quite strong through all of this.


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