# Would you stay with a spouse who no longer wants to share a bed with you.



## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

My parents have a big home and have not shared a bed in 20 years. Some of my friends have done this too. 

My husband comes out to get me when I sleep on the couch to escape his snoring.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'm just way too attuned in sharing a bed in a mutual relationship!*I
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

Depends on the reason.


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Tortdog said:


> Depends on the reason.



I agree? What's your reason for wanting to sleep separately?


----------



## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

There could be medical reasons. I would not want to sleep separate. If my wife wanted to, I would just have to understand why. 

Snoring could be a reason.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I wouldn't stay with someone who cared so little about me and my health that he wouldn't deal with his snoring but came to harass me while I'm trying to sleep on the couch. 

Or have I misunderstood your hb?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sscygni (Apr 13, 2016)

There are lots of reasons to sleep apart. Could be snoring, thrashing about in bed, fundamentally different hot/cold tolerance, radically different sleep schedules, lots of things. I know couples who say it has saved their marriage.

It is worth noting that sleeping in separate bedrooms does not necessarily imply a sexless marriage; you can certainly get your business on in either bedroom and then retire to your sleeping location.

Personally, I treasure the closeness to my wife, but if I am hugely sleep deprived I admit that an empty bed improves my sleep.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

btterflykisses said:


> My parents have a big home and have not shared a bed in 20 years. Some of my friends have done this too.
> 
> My husband comes out to get me when I sleep on the couch to escape his snoring.


My great grandparents had separate bedrooms as well as my grandparents. My wife and I have separate bedrooms that we use when our schedules do not synchronize. We tend to sleep together when we can sleep late on the weekends together. 

Being kicked out of your bed because a spouse snores is a problem! If you have space for separate bedrooms this also allows you to have personal space in the relationship for when you want to read, watch TV, or comfortably sleep when your spouse is snoring. Personal space can also improve your marriage because it allows you to be independent in a way that can actually fuel desire to spend quality time together when you have it, versus feeling the other person is always in your space when you want some time for yourself.

Separate bedrooms creates a different dynamic. It works in my marriage because we are always home (we both work at home) and almost always together. So in our case, well defined personal space is critical. 

In most modern homes these spaces are defined as a "man cave" for him, and a "sun room" with a place to read for her. Each of these places can function even better if they accommodate a place to sleep as well. 

Badsanta


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It wouldn't be a problem if it's necessary to ensure a good night's sleep. If it's to avoid sex, then it would be a deal breaker. You can share a bed to have sex, then sleep elsewhere. However, if there is any way to solve a sleep problem and share a bed, that's preferable, IMO.


----------



## sscygni (Apr 13, 2016)

a little topic straying perhaps, but snoring is a real issue. I have pretty bad sleep apnea, both central and obstructive. I have a CPAP (actually the more expensive one for central apnea, but no need to split hairs), but I hate it, and she hates the noise, so I rarely use it. As long as she goes to sleep first, all is well, but she has a hard time sleeping after I nod off. In such cases I don't mind at all if she goes to another bedroom to sleep. I would never dream of tracking her down.


----------



## btterflykisses (Apr 29, 2016)

Bibi1031 said:


> I agree? What's your reason for wanting to sleep separately?


I only leave the room when his snoring becomes unbearable:frown2:


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> I wouldn't stay with someone who cared so little about me and my health that he wouldn't deal with his snoring but came to harass me while I'm trying to sleep on the couch.
> 
> Or have I misunderstood your hb?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Careful, this could easily be restated as: I wouldn't stay with someone who cared so little for me and my emotional well being That she wouldn't deal with her weight, and often chose sleep over sex.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

btterflykisses said:


> I only leave the room when his snoring becomes unbearable:frown2:


If you want to stay, you could try earplugs and/or a white noise machine.

When my wife and I travel and we have to sleep in the same bed, here is what I do when her snoring prevents me from sleeping. I sleep on my side, so I only need one ear plug. I'll swap it to the other ear when I wake up to roll over. I also place a small fan on my side of the bed and have it blow a breeze across my face. So between the earplug and a soft breeze rustling over my ear, I can not hear any of her snoring. If I do hear it, it is only because I am actively trying to see if I can still hear her.

Some people (my wife) can not sleep with a fan blowing at them, but I love it! So I just use a small one like most people might place on their desks at work. 

Badsanta


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

For me once the bed is no longer shared, the marriage is over.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

@btterflykisses, I have a friend who has had "his and hers" bedrooms since they got married. It works for them, and they have three children. I think, if my husband was unwilling to get the snoring taken care of, I would probably sleep in my own room, too... if we had an extra one, anyway lol. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Mr. Nail said:


> Careful, this could easily be restated as: I wouldn't stay with someone who cared so little for me and my emotional well being That she wouldn't deal with her weight, and often chose sleep over sex.


That's quite a stretch. She can't sleep when he snores and he refuses to deal with it, unless I've misunderstood. 

If I couldn't sleep thanks to my hb's snoring I'd choose sleep over sex too. I fail to see how he's entitled to sex if he won't deal with the snoring that keeps his wife from getting a good night's sleep. 

That just seems like a no brainer to me. Sleep is a health issue. 

And where do you get that she won't deal with her weight and that it's an issue?

Besides, in another thread she says they do have sex. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Oh, but @lifeistooshort, didn't you know? It always comes back to sex! Nevermind that OP stated they have sex often. Next thing you know, it's going to be stated that she's lying about having sex often, and that she's wanting to move or of the bedroom with her husband so she can avoid sex, too remain "faithful" to an AP. 😒

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Generally no, but if there was a medical reason then I would.


----------



## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

I would really miss waking up with my husband's arms around me. I don't like to contemplate it even, but of course if there was a compelling reason to do so I would have to accept it, because I love him.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Dog Pile!


----------



## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

my wife will sleep elsewhere if i'm snoring or wake me up to tell me i'm snoring. whichever she does, i hear about it in the morning.

at the same time she will snore, keep the TV on all hours of the night, play games on her ipad in bed or talk to the cats, all while I'm trying to sleep.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I suppose I should Clarify. I was not speaking specifically about any person or even my own frustrations. I just see many people complaining about how their partners don't watch their weight and how they lose attraction. I thought that was about as difficult to fix as a snoring problem. Sometimes fixing one will fix the other.

Mrs Nail and I approach the snoring problem differently. She gets annoyed and goes out to the couch. When I wake up and find myself alone I check to see where she is and if she is awake I* invite* her back to bed. If she snores, I stay and try to trick her into changing positions without waking up. If all else fails I watch a movie on the tablet. _Because Togetherness is more important to me than Sleep._ I understand that this is a very unusual priority on my part and many will not agree with me, but her snoring is seasonal and in a few weeks it will be gone for 9 months. Me I can snore anytime but mostly don't. 

She needs about 2-3 more hours of sleep than I do at this point. Her Doctor may have found a reason for that and if she improves she could get within an hour. In the meanwhile we do what married people do, *sacrifice* our own comforts for the good of the other. I have a theory that, People who can't do that don't stay married.


----------



## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> In the meanwhile we do what married people do, *sacrifice* our own comforts for the good of the other. I have a theory that, People who can't do that don't stay married.


I think you're onto something there.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My hb snores too ....sometimes it drives me bat crazy but I've yet to sleep on the couch. 

What's saved us is that if I can get to sleep the snoring generally won't wake me up. I can't function without decent sleep so if it started waking me up I'd have to sleep elsewhere. 

I'd be careful in what you dismiss as "comfort" as opposed to health issues.

I don't want to sleep away from my hb but if it got to the point where my health was affected he'd better damn well be doing whatever he can to address the issue.

That's what couples do for each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

My husband has a cpap machine. Without it, he snores. I believe I need one, too, but have to get the sleep study done, etc. Aside from various hospital stays and other necessary overnights away, I've never slept in another room, EXCEPT when I fell asleep nursing one of our children when they were newborn/a few months old. But, I have to wake up hours before he does. If he didn't have his cpap, and I couldn't sleep in the bed with him due to the snoring, I WOULD move to the couch. I cannot function properly without a certain amount of sleep at night, and naps are not an option for me. As lifeistooshort stated, it's a health issue, not comfort issue. And I would expect my husband to do the same if I woke him up... or request that I go to another room. Either way, if necessary sleep is interrupted, we would take measures to ensure the other got the necessary amount... even if that meant sleeping apart. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> Oh, but @lifeistooshort, didn't you know? It always comes back to sex! Nevermind that OP stated they have sex often. Next thing you know, it's going to be stated that she's lying about having sex often, and that she's wanting to move or of the bedroom with her husband so she can avoid sex, too remain "faithful" to an AP. 😒
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Well we all know that less then enthusiastic porn sex equals cheating :wink2:

But like we're discussing, this is a health issue for both parties. Snoring can mess up everyone's function and caring spouses address this issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I don't see the problem - but I realize it exists. We don't have sex. And I am not allowed to touch her body once she is trying to sleep. We are NEVER intertwined in bed while sleeping. Then why does it matter that we are in the same room or not? But H2 insists that we sleep in the same bed. I can't imagine why she cares so strongly about this, but she does.


----------

