# Any insight on my wife's sexual split personality?



## Eosphorus (Apr 10, 2012)

Hello everyone, I found this forum by accident this morning and after looking through a lot of the posts and topics decided to join your community. I'm hoping some of you could offer some suggestions or insight into an issue with my wife that has perplexed and bothered me throughout our marriage.

My wife and I have been together for 18 years (married for two-thirds of that). We have both have very successful careers and two kids in grade school that keep us very busy, but we have still been able to maintain an active and enjoyable sex life. Throughout the 18 years we have been together though there has been one constant in our sex life. When my wife has had a drink or two (it does not take much) she becomes extremely sexually aggressive and shameless in her behavior. Although this term has a very negative connotation I would even go so far as to say her behavior is downright ****ty.

These instances do not happen often (as we are not big drinkers), maybe 3 to 4 times a year. However, they have been some of the most intense sexual experiences of our life (my wife has admitted several times that the sex was “awesome” so it is not just me). My wife is always the instigator and these experiences have even included foreplay in the form of buying sex toys, going to a strip club, etc. Some of the things she has done have shocked me (I never expected them from my wife) – for example I once received oral sex in the hallway of a hotel while other guests walked by (some stopped and watched) – all on her behest!

Obviously, I would like her to be this “wild sex kitten” a lot more often the 3 to 4 times a year, not necessarily every time, but at least more than a handful of times a year. However, the problem is my wife will usually only act this way after having a few drinks and is very apprehensive about even talking about what happened when she is sober. In fact, the sex toys I mentioned earlier? All her idea to introduce them into our bedroom. She had the idea after a few drinks (and she was right, they did spice things up), but since then we have only got them out after she has had a few drinks again (she has refused to use them while sober).

Now I know the knee-jerk reaction from some people to my query will be “communicate with her, tell her how you feel”. Well, been there, done that – no results. My wife and I have very good communication, she is my best friend, we talk all the time, and (believe it or not) she has commented many times on my listening skills, even going to far as to compare me to woman when she talks with me (she has also admitted that my interest and attentiveness when she speaks to me is one of the things that first attracted her to me). I have brought up the subject of her different “sex personalities” with her many, many times. I have never pushed her or badgered her about it, but I have brought it up enough that she knows I am searching for an answer. Despite our good communication however, she is very reluctant to talk about how she has behaved at these times and she usually changes the subject or states that she doesn't want to talk about it.

I'm also sure a second knee-jerk reaction from some people is that “she's drunk”. Again, not the case. While I will admit a few of the wildest times have been when she has had more to drink than usual, it only takes a glass or two of wine for her to turn into the wild sex kitten. In addition, she is not a heavy drinker and has never blacked out or forgotten these incidents, the next morning she has remembered each intense sexual session. She is also not a prude or sexual repressed. We have both been completely open with each other regarding our sexual history. And she had a few wild sexual experiences in college that she does not regret (and they are not an issue for me – the past is the past). In addition, despite her reluctance to discuss her behavior she has tried to act this way for me when she hasn't been drinking on a couple of occasions. Unfortunately, these attempts were forced and it was obvious she was uncomfortable acting that way, so it was not enjoyable for either of us.

So to summarize; When my wife is relaxed (as a result of a drink or two of alcohol, sometimes more) her personality becomes very brazen, sexually aggressive, and downright raunchy. She has never been drunk enough to not remember what we did and has never expressed any regrets. She is not a prude and even had a few wild sexual experiences in college before we dated. Yet despite our close relationship and her openness with other things sexual (e.g. her past sexual experiences) she is reluctant to talk about our wild trysts and almost always refuses to act that way when not drinking. In the few times she has tried to be the “wild sex kitten” when not drinking it was a forced, labored attempt and not enjoyable for either of us.

So ladies, if you please, could you give me some insight into the female psyche as to what could be going on in my wife's mind?

Truth be told, I have already come up with one scenario as to why she has such a difference in her sexual behavior – that she is not relaxed and comfortable enough around me while sober to act this way. I have never asked her this, because frankly this would hurt me greatly if it was true. To think that after 18 years together, and as close as we are, that it would always require alcohol for her to completely cut-loose and go wild with me would be a painful revelation (one I'm not sure I want to hear).

Any thoughts ladies (or gentlemen if you have dealt with a similar situation)?


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## wilco (Mar 5, 2012)

Wow! Take up drinking a glass of wine at dinner each night?


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

If you take nothing else away from this thread, take this: You are a lucky man to have a wife that you love, are so close with and yet can build so many exciting moments with. Enjoy them, if they always remain a bit rare.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

And the problem here is......?

Enjoy what you have my friend. At 18 years together, you are far better off than most who come here to post and yet you want more. Greedy! 

I would definitely be slipping her booze a little more often!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Make sure she never drinks without you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Enjoy a little wine with her will get her used to relaxing more often. Then she should learn to relax without the booze.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I think a lot of men wish they had your problem. If it were me I'd give her a glass of wine or two way more often. Tell her in a loving and affectionate way how much you enjoyed what she did. Say it in a nonsexual setting. Tell her in a matter of fact way.

A woman who is ****ty with her husband is a treasure!


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## Eosphorus (Apr 10, 2012)

First, I'd like to thank everyone who responded to my query. As for offering my wife a glass of wine at every meal, I'll be honest the thought has crossed my mind, but I would prefer not to ply her with libations every time. And as for her drinking without me, this has happened many times in our marriage (e.g. girls night out) and has never been an issue. The only difference is that each time it has happened I have been on pins and needles waiting for her to come home! ;-)

Second, I realize every day how lucky I am to have this incredible woman as my wife, because yes she is a treasure. However, I do still want more from my marriage. I want more from my career, I want more from my life, I want more from myself. My wife and I both are always trying new things and are never satisfied with the status-quo. I would never push my wife to do something she isn't comfortable with, and if I have to spend the rest of my life only seeing the wild sex kitten a few times a year – so be it. But if there was someway I could help her release that side of her personality without relying on alcohol, would I do it? - You betcha!

*ThreeTimesALady, I would like to thank you personally for your reply. *

Your message hit home for me. I do not know if this is the reason for my wife being uncomfortable with her behavior when she isn't drinking, but it does make a lot of sense. After reading your reply, I thought of other examples during our relationship (which I won't go into here) that would point to this being at least a major contributor to her behavior. I must admit, I never even considered that her “split personality” would an internal issue. My own fears and insecurities made me instantly assume that she must be uncomfortable with me.

Now, having said that it does lead me to another question however, that hopefully you (or some other forum members) can answer. Is there anyway I can help my wife become more comfortable in her “own skin” as it were? I would welcome any suggestions or insights.


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