# WS: If you left the BS to be with the OM/OW...



## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

...and after either living with the OP or continued 'dating' him or her for a while, AND REALIZED YOU MADE A HUGE MISTAKE, what led to your decision? 

I understand that some WS's insist that the OM/OW is their 'soul mate' only to return to the BS days/weeks/even YEARS later, claiming that they made a HUGE mistake by leaving the BS in the first place. 

Even if they told the BS "ILYBINILWY"...
Even if they told the BS that the BS is responsible for ALL of the problems...
Even if they told the BS that they had been miserable "for years"...

Was there a specific event or series of events that led to the WS starting to come out of the fog, into the light? 

Vega


----------



## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

Great question. Looking forward to the responses.


----------



## dontKnowMe2 (Apr 2, 2013)

You're leading people here. You want to reinforce your point of view. Don't forget about those that are happier and never wanted to go back!


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Maincourse, not to T/J but is she still with the loser?


----------



## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

dontKnowMe2 said:


> You're leading people here. You want to reinforce your point of view. Don't forget about those that are happier and never wanted to go back!


Please don't be judgmental until you know my story. Also, if you want to know anything about me, please ask _*ME*_ directly. 


No, I am not "reinforcing" my point of view. I'm not asking about people who are happier after they left. My question was pretty specific. 

To answer walkonmars' question, no. I am NOT with the "loser", and have been NC for over 15 months. 

Vega


----------



## dontKnowMe2 (Apr 2, 2013)

I wasn't judging you but you think I was. If you truly want to exclude those that are happy that's fine -- it's a valid poll. Carry on.


----------



## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

dontKnowMe2 said:


> You're leading people here. You want to reinforce your point of view. Don't forget about those that are happier and never wanted to go back!


Dude, it's Vegas thread and he can say whatever he wants , in which ever way he wants to say it. Don't like it? Go elsewhere.


----------



## dontKnowMe2 (Apr 2, 2013)

Ya'll calm down. Be rational!


----------



## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

dontKnowMe2 said:


> Ya'll calm down. Be rational!


Not a prob, but let Vegas do his own thing.


----------



## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Vegas, I've known a couple of people who have done this, but , unfortunately, in neither case was the reconciliation permanent. IN one case, the BS took the WS back, only to make both of their lives miserable. In the other case, the WS was repentant for a while then went back to their cheating ways, because they looked upon the BS as a loser and doormat. I've also known AP's who have started LTR"s successfully.


----------



## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

_Maincourse, not to T/J but is she still with the loser?_

Yup, still with him. I honestly still feel a slight connection with her, but time is steadily erasing that. My hope is that I will soon be completely detached. She still is texting cryptic comments to keep me on the line, but I doubt very much that she'll ever want to return.


----------



## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

dontKnowMe2 said:


> You're leading people here. You want to reinforce your point of view. Don't forget about those that are happier and never wanted to go back!


No hijacking allowed! Start your own thread. :lol:

Doesn't take a genius to figure out that if they are happier and never wanted to go back it's because of something in the WS that was amiss versus a flaw of the BS...Thanks!


----------



## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

BTW Vega, According to my WS - 
1). They realized the AP was not who they made themselves out to be (they were sold all that & a bag of tricks)- the spouse is a saint compared to how the AP eventually treated them. 
2). They realize what they are doing is profoundly wrong 
3). The AP can't measure up to the spouse.
4). That no one can meet their needs 100%.
5). Realizing that all people are the same and imperfect.
6). Logics kicked in and overrode the fantasy because of time and the 'behavior' of the AP.
This does not imply that I agree with my WS. Sounds like I was the Plan B.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Calibre12 said:


> BTW Vega, According to my WS -
> 1). They realized the AP was not who they made themselves out to be (they were sold all that & a bag of tricks)- the spouse is a saint compared to how the AP eventually treated them.
> 2). They realize what they are doing is profoundly wrong
> 3). The AP can't measure up to the spouse.
> ...


Thanks Calibre. I get the gist of their conclusion. I was just wondering how they reached it in the first place. 

Hypothetical Example: "AP and I (WS) were talking one day, having a nice easy conversation. She said something about...then *I* said something about...then she got really quiet. Two minutes later, she called me a JERK! I couldn't believe it. But I started thinking about some of the other times she called me a name. I just didn't pay attention. I suddenly realized that I have no desire to spend my life with this person, and I realized that I made a huge mistake by leaving my BS." 

...or something like that!

Vega


----------



## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Sorry Vega I edited and added 2 more while you were replying but in response to you: I have asked your question to my spouse a million times over the last 2+ years and I got the blanket statements above PLUS "Seeing me & living with me are two different things". I guess if I ever get more than that before my eulogy is read, I would be the luckiest woman on earth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

