# What my 180 has done for US!



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Her:
- She doesn't have to have sex with me any more.
- She doesn't have to talk to me any more.
- She gets her FULL THREE HOURS of uninterrupted crap TV - EVERY NIGHT!!
- She doesn't have to exercise with me anymore.
- She can almost live her life like I'm not even around.
- Best of all, when her husband can't take the crap any more and needs to address our problems, she can blame him for pulling away again while she tries to keep the marriage together (pretends we're happy).


Me:
- I get to pretend that laying in bed next to her, every night (EVERY ONE) and having her be a hundred miles away doesn't kill me a little every day.
- I have more stamina available for internet porn.
- I never have to worry about the problems that arise in an intimate relationship again.
- I never have to worry about pleasing her again.
- I never have to kiss, or be desired by, or be loved by a woman ever again (SUCH a relief!).
- I get to know my one chance at love and happiness was wasted on a woman who will NEVER LOVE ME! And worse still, will never care enough to try and fix it.


Good Stuff. I see why you advise it for all that ails a lonely husband.


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

Is 180 really to leave the spouse alone and let things fix itself? I thought 180 means to do the exact opposite of what you've done that doesn't work. Like if you ignore your spouse and stop caring don't work, then the 180 would be to be more attentive and taking care of your spouse. Or am I misunderstanding the 180 thing?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

The 180 isn't to "fix" your spouse - it's supposed to help you get on with your life, release expectations, and focus on YOU. Furthermore, I can see that you are hurting, and like me, have a hard time really getting it 'right' consistently.

You have a negative mindset, not just about yourself and your wife, but any woman. Why is she your "last chance at love"?

You need to learn to love yourself before anyone else can love you. I've felt discouraged and down and pessimistic too, so I KNOW how you feel - however it's just going to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You're just going to spin in circles.

I don't know your story - are you in counseling at all?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

MrK said:


> Her:
> - She doesn't have to have sex with me any more.
> - She doesn't have to talk to me any more.
> - She gets her FULL THREE HOURS of uninterrupted crap TV - EVERY NIGHT!!
> ...


Are you done with your pity party? Of course it does not work because you are using it to try and manipulate your wife. She probably smells that a mile away.

As YinPrincess said, the 180 is about you focusing on you. It is not about changing her. You can't control her, you can only control yourself. The 180 is about strengthening and improving yourself as a person.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. Bitter! The 180 is about YOU. Making yourself a better person and not hanging on everything your spouse does. 

The 180 worked for me and my husband


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

*Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!*

Then it sounds like it's time to move on and end the relationship.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

The 180 doesn't mean she watches TV while you look at internet porn. The 180 means you get out of the house and do fun things without her. Many women will notice their husbands being happier without them and resolve to become involved in their husbands' lives. Some women will continue to ignore their husbands and just be happy to be left alone.

I think I would rather enjoy fun activities with friends outside of my marriage than beg for sex from my frigid wife for the umpteenth time.

Good luck.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

YinPrincess said:


> - are you in counseling at all?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tried it for a few weeks. Both spouses need to show at least a LITTLE bit of an interest in healing, however. One wanting to work on the marriage and the other defending herself and pointing fingers doesn't make for a successful session.



Tall Average Guy said:


> Are you done with your pity party? Of course it does not work because you are using it to try and manipulate your wife. She probably smells that a mile away.
> 
> As YinPrincess said, the 180 is about you focusing on you. It is not about changing her. You can't control her, you can only control yourself. The 180 is about strengthening and improving yourself as a person.


Pity party? Yeah, I guess so. It was a particularly bad weekend of my wife proving she OWNS the marrital disconnect. Kind of a "don't even TRY to make it look like you can give less of a crap than me".

OK. So I control me. I make myself a bettter person. How is that supposed to make me feel better about being married to a woman who will never love me? Maybe never has? How is that supposed to make me not care about her coming to bed and making a show out of ignoring me to the best of her ability? How is it supposed to make my s.h.i.t mariage any better?



that_girl said:


> Wow. Bitter!


You'r damn right I'm bitter. Why did this b.i.t.c.h ever even marry me? Why did she take my one shot at marrital happiness and flush it? And then not have the descency to help me? To help US?



that_girl said:


> The 180 worked for me and my husband


Care to share?



PHTlump said:


> The 180 means you get out of the house and do fun things without her. Many women will notice their husbands being happier without them and resolve to become involved in their husbands' lives. Some women will continue to ignore their husbands and just be happy to be left alone.


Right...my wife is the latter...which was my point...



PHTlump said:


> I think I would rather enjoy fun activities with friends outside of my marriage...


And how many single friends do you thnk this 50 year old father of three has that can just head out with me on a Saturday night? Oh, there are a few, but not many. And I DO get out. Just more TV time for her without me bugging her. I swear she would be HAPPY if I were to get a girlfriend. Then I'd spend even LESS time with her.


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## MAP (Dec 18, 2011)

How long have you been doing the 180?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

MrK said:


> Tried it for a few weeks. Both spouses need to show at least a LITTLE bit of an interest in healing, however. One wanting to work on the marriage and the other defending herself and pointing fingers doesn't make for a successful session.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You are not getting it. The 180 is an OPPORTUNITY for her to re-assess her relationship with you and is about you getting stronger for yourself. It works 100% of the time when applied properly. You may not like the result (which may be that you grow a couple and divorce you wife and move out of your loveless relationship),; but it will work.

Stop viewing this as a manipulation of your wife. It is growth for you. Get on with your life, with or without her :smthumbup:


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

MrK said:


> Pity party? Yeah, I guess so. It was a particularly bad weekend of my wife proving she OWNS the marrital disconnect. Kind of a "don't even TRY to make it look like you can give less of a crap than me".
> 
> OK. So I control me. I make myself a bettter person. How is that supposed to make me feel better about being married to a woman who will never love me? Maybe never has? How is that supposed to make me not care about her coming to bed and making a show out of ignoring me to the best of her ability? How is it supposed to make my s.h.i.t mariage any better?


It's not. Can't do that unless your wife gets involved - and there is not a thing you can do about that. 

The 180 is about taking care of you. It is not about changing or manipulating anyone else. It is to isolate you from the person that is causing you this emotional pain so that you can heal and strengthen.

At the end of the day, you need to get a divorce. Based on your previous threads, your wife is unwilling to tell you the truth about her clubbing. You believe she cheated and she has conveniently "forgotten." She won't let you heal. So you need to divorce her and really mean it. That is the only thing likely to get her attention.

If you are not willing to do that, have you taken other steps to separate yourself? Moved to another bedroom, separate bank accounts, etc.? Really separate yourself from her?


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> It's not. Can't do that unless your wife gets involved - and there is not a thing you can do about that.
> 
> The 180 is about taking care of you. It is not about changing or manipulating anyone else. It is to isolate you from the person that is causing you this emotional pain so that you can heal and strengthen.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

If you are truly focusing on yourself, you won't even notice that she is behaving that way. It's the hardest part. Look inside you. Consider yourself single. (not sexually). Take sex off the table. That is no longer your wife's "duty". Your only focus in life should be "what am I going to do today". Reconnect with friends. Go to a movie that only a guy would want to watch. If you have kids, take them out by yourself. It's dad time. Join a gym. Take a cooking class so you can cook gourmet meals for your new girlfriends down the road. Commit to YOU, not her. 

Don't do this with malice or meanness. She is not responsible for your happiness. At all. So stop giving her the power to make you feel miserable. Your sense of self worth is NOT dependent on whether or not she shows you affection. That's her loss.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

I get all of that. I realy do. But it doesn't help me deal with the fact that my marriage is over and she doesn't give a crap. It doesn't make going to bed any less painful.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

It's also meant to take your mind off the fact that she doesn't give a crap. Help you get over her emotionally. Get busy doing other things. And sleep in another bedroom or the couch if you have to. 

It can make going to bed less painful if you are doing good things for yourself. Your brain will get it. Your confidence will kick in, and you will look at her and think "gee, your loss". 

Hang in there. One day at a time. It sounds like silly advice to just go get busy having fun, but it does help.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

deejov said:


> It's also meant to take your mind off the fact that she doesn't give a crap. Help you get over her emotionally. Get busy doing other things. And sleep in another bedroom or the couch if you have to.
> 
> It can make going to bed less painful if you are doing good things for yourself. Your brain will get it. Your confidence will kick in, and you will look at her and think "gee, your loss".
> 
> Hang in there. One day at a time. It sounds like silly advice to just go get busy having fun, but it does help.



This, particularly the move out into a different bed. Part of the reason she does not give a crap is because everything is the same. Your still there, doing the things a good husband and father does, just a bit more down. You need to quit that and withdraw from her. Move to a different bed, don't spend any time with her, separate your finances, quit paying for things beyond what you need and what your kids need. Get separation in every way possible. 

Can you tell me again why divorce is off the table? I just don't understand why you feel that is an untouchable option.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

MrK said:


> And how many single friends do you thnk this 50 year old father of three has that can just head out with me on a Saturday night? Oh, there are a few, but not many. And I DO get out. Just more TV time for her without me bugging her. I swear she would be HAPPY if I were to get a girlfriend. Then I'd spend even LESS time with her.


I live in a pretty small town and there are several gathering spots for the over-40 and divorced/single crowd. I would be very surprised if your town doesn't have a few as well.

And if your wife would prefer you to get a girlfriend, then get one. I agree that the optimal relationship scenario is that a man and woman meet, fall in love, marry each other, and live happily together forever. But half the people in this country, including you, don't get the fairy tale ending. And that sucks.

So your choice now is to be miserable or not be miserable.

Good luck.


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