# 28 years and worsening by the day



## rosie57 (Jun 7, 2010)

My husband and I have been married 28 years. I had 4 kids when we met, he took on the responsibility of all 4 and was a great step dad. He drank when we met, I just didn't know how much. It was a perfect marriage for quite a few years. My kids were happy, we camped, we traveled, we had fun. we both worked, money was not tight, kids did well in school, all but one, which had ADHD. That was a problem I dealt with but had help from hubby.When they all grew up started moving out, we got restless, my last kid was in her sophmore year we moved to south Carolina, screwed her up cause they didn't offer the same things down there as where we were. We came back but too late, she ended up quitting but took her GED. By this time the drinking was out of hand, he was sneaking and when I found out blamed the kids for the hidden vodka bottles. We moved back and forth from SC to NY 7 different times. The marriage steadiily grew worse. Drinking steadily grew worse. I had a telephone affair with one of our best friends. When we moved back to NY, I got a job running a security department for a large apt. complex. I started getting accused of having an affair with my boss (I was not). Hubby stayed drunk then and was abusing his meds (kolonopin) It was one fight after another, we seperated. I had an order of protection put on him as he hit me, cut up all my clothes and trashed the house. Now I started seeing telephone guy. I also did things with other people, motorcycle rides, dinner, socialized basically cause I could never do that with him. It seemed anyone I was seen with i was cheating with that person. Man or woman. It got VERY bad from there, he was loosing his mind, 35 phone calls in an hour, showed up on my job and punched out my boss. I had him violated on the court order and arrested. I stuck to it. Several months went by, his drinking ( I thought) calmed down, plus he was on probation and one stipulation was no drinking. He was also in therapy and they had hom on meds as he was diaganosed as bi-polar and borderline schizo. So we decided to give it another shot. We sold our business, our house and moved my mother with us and went back to SC with an agreement all was forgotten and move into the future. Never happen, probation did not have the same stipulations down there, they GAVE hi permission to drink, and I got 50 questions per day about my affair. He stopped his meds and went to abusings other drugs. The fighting got so bad I threw him out again. I failed to mention that when I needed this man the most (emergency surgery, me) he was busy getting drunk, when my father was dieing he was having a party at the house while I was at the hospital, when my mother was dieing he was drunk while I was at the hospital. NEVER once was he there when I needed him the most.
We sold the house in SC and came back to NY 3 years ago. It has been one big fight since we got here. He did not draw a sober breath for 2 1/2 years. I found out last year he cheated on me whe in Alabama 3 times. But to him it was Just a BJ, didn't mean anything, he spent 4, 5 6 hours a day on the phone with a woman he knows I detest as I believe he cheated with her 20 years ago. He is now going on 8 months sobriety and went form alchoholic to workahoholic, Never home, I never know where he is, he maks sure everything is deleted from phone before walking in door. I am very ill and can't get around to good. I see no one talk to no one, except my grand children. He doesn't sleep but 4 or 5 hours a night. He has lost 100 pounds and just became all that and had the nerve to tell me I was jealous of him cause he looks so good. He knows everything now, he after 28 years of my handiling all bills, ins etc.,( and I don't waste money, )handles the money, the business EVERYTHING. Not well I might add but he thinks it is. He is back to throwing the affair in my face over 10 years ago, talks like it was yesterday AGAIN, so I throw the 6 hour phone calls up to him. At least thats a little more recent. We have had sex ONCE in 8 months. Now that I think he slept with phone girl, I am afraid he has a disease. But he doesn't push it either. He could care less. He is gone at 6 am and comes home after dark. Calls a few times during the day to see where I am and what I am doing. I gave up all my friends for him years ago, I got my kids and grandkids. I keep a spotless house, grounds and gardens. I cook and bake all the things he likes, I did laundry the other day, washed dried put away he came home took them out of the draw and re-washed, said I din't get the stains out of his work clothes.It hurt my feelings. As I bust my butt in this house. Plus I have my grandson until the end of school. He says it is me that has an attitude and is causing the problems. I don't know what to do. I have no money except a disability check monthly, very little. Suggestions would be aprreciated. Call me depressed in NY. I am 57 years old and realy don't feel like starting life all over again but I don't intend to die being this meserable either. I still have some life left in me.


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