# loose loose situation



## needshelp (Dec 14, 2009)

I need some advise from people who do not know either one of us. I feel like my side of the story is just that, my side. So I'm going to try to portray the whole story to get some unbais feedback. Most of my friends and family do not like (to put it mildly) my husband. 

I have told him on many occasions that I do not feel he pulls his weight: financially, housework, chores, errands, school issues with kids, and on and on and on. I have tried to portray my feelings in an unattacking way so that he can really hear me and know I love him, but that I need a bit more contribution. But except for a few days here or there it goes unanswered. I work 6 days a week and he works 3 to 4, maybe. He will often just miss several of those days as well due to just not feeling like it or a recent one was, "I had to call into work because I woke at 3 pm and I didn't have time to get ready, get our daugther from school and get to work by 4 30 pm." !! what? This is a 32 year old man with 2 kids, a mortgage that we're BARELY holding on to. Plus of course plenty of other financial issues in this economy, 12 year old cars that we can't even afford to keep fixed.

Anyway my other HUGE issue is that his main priorities are smoking weed, cigarettes, playing music and sleeping. He will let our preschooler wander the house ( on Sunday while i'm at work and preschool is closed ) by himself making mass chaos and of course possibly hurting himself because he can't get up before noon! We are paying for daycare when all we really need is some socializing time because my H won't get up and take proper care of our son let alone take him to a parks and rec preschool for a coulpe hours. 

Everyday he wakes up when he wants between 11am and 3 pm and the 3 of us are at work/school. He works out, lounges, or whatever in peace with nobody to bother him. He picks up our daughter from school and then either works a short shift and then preceeds to come home and do what he wants! that may include playing with kids or giving a bath but only if HE wants to. otherwise everything falls on me. and i have asked him to please help me, please get up earlier and do yard work, clean, shop, bills, bank, help us get out the door in the morning, something!!!! on my 2 days that i could possibly sleep in a bit i have asked him over and over to get up so i can sleep till 10. I'm so tired from working all day, helping my daughter with homework, dance classes, shopping, cleaning, laundry till midnight and he WILL NOT get up to let me sleep in. Not once. When I have gotten mad in the morning and demanded he get up for once, he started yelling, " ok i'm up you f***in ***** go back to sleep" well after all that i'm not tired anymore. or at least my heart is racing so fast that i can't lay back down. so i've stopped asking. i do everything because it's easier than dealing with his yelling or complaining. he's just downright lazy

other issues are he spends 1/3 AT LEAST of his already minimal income on weed and cigarettes. but then he always says we need to scrimp and cut costs everywhere else. me and the kids have to sacrafice but he won't even cut back on his habits that cost 400 - 500 per month. we already get clothes at garage sales and resale shops and not often. no new shoes purses even makeup. he says we have enough food here for another week don't go grocery shopping. i want him to put some of that aside so we can go to the movies or maybe even disneyland but no. 

We have been together since we were 15. Now in our early 30's I am feeling done and I am terrified. There are good times, when I can overlook the injustice. We have fun together. there is deep love and passion and romance. but those feelings are gone from me right now because i feel so unrespected and taken advantage of and TIRED. We've barely spoken since Tues when I had a breakdown and I was crying (not yelling) just telling him how I felt and he has pretty much taken the silent treatment till it blows over approach. I make most of the money for our family so logistically I would be fine. We have 2 kids that I can support but I cannot imagine my life without him even though much of the time he makes me miserable. 

I feel dumb because it seems that there is no reason to stay except for the kids, however they are viewing a horrible image of how a father should be and i'm afraid my son is going to grow up to be lazy and emotionally abusive if continues to see this.


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