# My Wife and I have broken down ...she might be cheating



## bguy

My wife and I have been through some bad things, on all fronts. Both of us. Over the last year our communication has broken down. Out marriage and relationship has vanished. I am just a function . We have kids and we do great with them . She is nursing school and my work schedule is crazy but it has been as if we are living aerate lives. Recently someone who was a “friend” has reached out to my wife to see if we want to hang out ? This is a shady individual and has cheated on his wife and family very openly . My wife knows that and has never trusted him. But yet this guy keeps communication with her while avoiding me ? I know my wife had a part in it and I have said something several times. But I believe and know they still “talk “ on Snapchat . My guy says no this is wrong , should I confront him too?


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## ConanHub

I would do everything in my power to eliminate the lothario as a threat.

I would tell him to stop talking to my wife and expose him.

I would also lay down the law with my wife.

She needs to agree with you to have an adult conversation about your marriage, family and future.

Maybe you two are done but both of you need to work on your family regardless of improving your marriage or working on an amicable divorce.

The lothario needs ejected first.


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## LeGenDary_Man

bguy said:


> My wife and I have been through some bad things, on all fronts. Both of us. Over the last year our communication has broken down. Out marriage and relationship has vanished. I am just a function . We have kids and we do great with them . She is nursing school and my work schedule is crazy but it has been as if we are living aerate lives. Recently someone who was a “friend” has reached out to my wife to see if we want to hang out ? This is a shady individual and has cheated on his wife and family very openly . My wife knows that and has never trusted him. But yet this guy keeps communication with her while avoiding me ? I know my wife had a part in it and I have said something several times. But I believe and know they still “talk “ on Snapchat . My guy says no this is wrong , should I confront him too?


It is time for you to STOP this communication ASAP. 

Tell that 'friend' in plain words that you do not want to escalate the situation but you will be willing to act if he does not back off. If you have some good friends who can support you in intimidating this guy then take them onboard.

Tell your wife that this 'friend' is not worth ruining a family, and both of you need to get your priorities straight (i.e. fixing your marriage). Start by reading some marriage-friendly books.



















Think about the well-being of your children - both of you. A marriage can go bad at any point in time, but one should not give up on it easily. Work to RESTORE communication between you and your wife, and see where it goes.


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## TDSC60

The gut is usually right. If you feel something is going on between them, it probably is. 

Time to go into investigative mode. It could be more than just talking.


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## lifeistooshort

I don't feel like married or otherwise involved people need to be "hanging out" with opposite sex friends.....particularly if the partner isn't included. 

Very little good is going to come of that.


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## jlg07

@bguy, just checking in -- how are things going?


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## Marc878

Better heed the advice. You came here for a reason.


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## Welsh15

Dude, time to find some guys to intimidate and send the right message to this guy. Start with that and then open up the marriage communications channel to figure out a path forward together.


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## She'sStillGotIt

> I know my wife had a part in it and I have said something several times. But I believe and know they still “talk “ on Snapchat . My guy says no this is wrong , should I confront him too?


So you have to resort to threatening the guy because you WIFE won't respect you enough to cut off communication?

*The guy isn't your problem. *And if you have to chase HIM off in order to get _*her*_ to stop her disrespectful bull****, what have you* really *accomplished? Chasing him off simply forces her to stop her sneaky messaging with him, it DOESN'T magically make her respect you. So I ask again, what are you really accomplishing?

*He's not your problem. *Your snake of a wife is your problem.


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## lovelygirl

She'sStillGotIt said:


> So you have to resort to threatening the guy because you WIFE won't respect you enough to cut off communication?
> 
> *The guy isn't your problem. *And if you have to chase HIM off in order to get _*her*_ to stop her disrespectful bull****, what have you* really *accomplished? Chasing him off simply forces her to stop her sneaky messaging with him, it DOESN'T magically make her respect you. So I ask again, what are you really accomplishing?
> 
> *He's not your problem. *Your snake of a wife is your problem.


Quoted for the truth!

Your wife is the first person responsible for her marriage, not him. If she doesn't care, why would he??

Talk to her FIRST then kick the balls out of him. Also, DEMAND your WIFE to block him and tell him to NEVER write her again.


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## SunCMars

Not enough information, yet.
Not enough proof, yet.

You are feeling her slip away, and assume it is a burgeoning affair.
It may be.
It may not be.

Then again...

Why has he reached out to the two of you *at this time*, this low point in communication and happiness in your marriage.

You see....
You are working hard, she is working hard to finish school. 
The relationship is suffering. 

She may have dropped a hint, one time to him. 
He is an experienced cheater, he knows when a lady is down, she is lower to the ground, and then it is easier to get her horizontal.

First, Sir:
Prove your point, be vigilant. Keep digging. 
Do not let on that you are snooping.

In the meantime, wine and dine your wife. Time is a-wasting. Treat not {a suspect} like a dog. She is yet, weakly suspect....IMO.

Now, if you find out she is indeed acting inappropriately, then act accordingly.



LM-


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## Music_Man

@bguy 

I don't know if you've resolved anything or if you are still lurking on here, but please take this advice to heart: we were once where you are, only it was my W working like mad and myself that was in school. The relationship really deteriorated during this time for a variety of reasons, but chief among them was our crazy busy lifestyle. During this time, she began texting and talking to a coworker who I had a bad feeling about from the start. Like you, I suspected something, but buried my head in the sand...again, due to the craziness and busyness of our lives. 

Long story short, our marriage very nearly paid the ultimate price. Do NOT be asleep at the wheel here pal. If you haven't already, do your due diligence and nip this thing in the bud before it's too late! Check her phone and any other devices. Put a VAR in her car. And yes, confront this jackass. 

As others have said, get some books...those mentioned here have helped me tremendously. Reclaim your marriage before it's too late!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Ahh hell.

Sorry you're going through this. It really sounds like she's already left you in her mind.

Likely plotting a good escape time in such a way to take the family money and make it so "others" see you as causing all her problems. 

Just leave her. It may not get any better at all, ever. You'll just give yourself an ulcer and a headache from talking too much telling her to stop over and over again.

I'm usually for trying the staples; to try and stay together but sounds like near zero chance anything will work in the described situation. 

Hang in there.


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## Blondilocks

The OP hasn't been here in 5 months. Doesn't look like he's too worried about it.


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## SunCMars

Blondilocks said:


> The OP hasn't been here in 5 months. Doesn't look like he's too worried about it.


Not necessarily so, zo.

It may have resolved itself, or dissolved the marriage.

We hope the former, fear the latter.


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