# NJ court ruling blocking newborn's dad from delivery room is first in nation



## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

NJ court ruling blocking newborn's dad from delivery room is first in nation | NJ.com


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Wow...sad that it actually had to go to court to prove something I knew years ago.... the laboring mother can bar ANYONE she chooses, and can allow whomever she chooses. That was something I learned in nursing school, and was reiterated when I was pregnant with each of my children. AND, if someone is allowed, but is an obvious stressor to the patient, the doctors/nurses can, and WILL, kick them out. It really is a nobrainer.... Like I said, it's sad that it had to involve the courts...


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Once the baby is out he should have access, while she's in labour it's still a medical event, one she should have a right to privacy for. 

At the birth of my DD the nurses tried to keep H in the room for me but he wouldn't. They also would have kicked him out had I asked. Up until that baby is born it is all about the Mother's health and needs.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

This does not surprise me with the ahole
Judges we have in this state.but I bet she goes after child support and the judge grants it.the court system eats dog shut in this state.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

In this instance I think it was the right thing. They were estranged. I wouldn't want an ex in with me while I was giving birth. It would cause me a lot of distress. The one time a woman should be allowed to put herself first is while she's giving birth.

I don't see why he couldn't have been at the hospital nearby though, in a waiting room, and seen the baby as soon as possible after the birth. He's not a "visitor", he's the baby's father, and should be treated as such.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I'm sure bitter MRA types will seize on this, but I completely understand it. He has the right to see his baby after it comes out, but the woman is the one who has to be in labor.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

101Abn said:


> This does not surprise me with the ahole
> Judges we have in this state.but I bet she goes after child support and the judge grants it.the court system eats dog shut in this state.


Sorry? Unless I am mistaking what you are saying (and I REALLY hope I am misunderstanding!), you think it would be ok for him to be in the delivery room? If so, you couldn't be more wrong. The mother has to bare all to push the baby out. They are not together. He has no business seeing her like that if SHE does not want him to. Now, barring him from the HOSPITAL is wrong, unless he is abusive. There is no reason why he couldn't wait in the waiting room to see the baby after she was born.

Now, after telling this to my husband, he is in agreement... with me, and with the judge. Mom doesn't need the stress while in labor. And, even if mom and dad were together, he would have to leave the room...IF he was causing her stress during labor and delivery. Again, this is a nobrainer, even in my husband's eyes. 

As for child support... Why should she not get it, IF she has custody AND it is proven he is the father? I would say the same if dad had custody and mom had to pay. 

I really hope I misunderstood your post...


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

Maricha:no you did not misunderstand.and before I would pay child support I would go to jail.this country is one big welfare state let them pay.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Don't waste your time on this one Maricha


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

While it should be her choice who is IN the room, he should have been able to park a chair right outside the door...and be allowed in ASAP. He should be able to see his baby all wrinkly and slimey.

On the other hand, good for him for at least TRYING his best to "be there" for his baby.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

That is what I mean.he tried his best to be there,but some dippy judge who wants to be the first in the nation and gets famous guess his wanting to be there is part of this liberal BS stuff I hear.you know"war on women"crap they made up.all I knokw if that was me and they wanted child support after this they we would be doing a remake of tom hanks movie"catch me if you can"


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

101Abn said:


> That is what I mean.he tried his best to be there,but some dippy judge who wants to be the first in the nation and gets her name in the rules differently.I guess his wanting to be there is part of this liberal BS stuff I hear.you know"war on women"crap they made up.all I knokw if that was me and they wanted child support after this they we would be doing a remake of tom hanks movie"catch me if you can"


Here is what men are up against
Circumcision, Divorce and Male Disposability - Paul Elam on Freedomain Radio - YouTube
Great video and right on point.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Totally agree with the ruling. It is up to the woman giving birth who she has with her.

The ranting about child support is odd. This case was about being present in the birthing room not about stopping the father seeing his child after it was born. There is no room for aggression or stress in a birthing room, it is a hard enough event even with support.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

101Abn said:


> That is what I mean.he tried his best to be there,but some dippy judge who wants to be the first in the nation and gets famous guess his wanting to be there is part of this liberal BS stuff I hear.you know"war on women"crap they made up.all I knokw if that was me and they wanted child support after this they we would be doing a remake of tom hanks movie"catch me if you can"


You sound like you hate women. Considering this is a forum for the support of relationships, why are you here?


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## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

Understandable about the judge allowing the mom's choice for the delivery, but requiring the dad to adhere to normal visitation at the hospital "...as a visitor, through normal hospital procedure..." is a bit much.

I'm sure this kid will have "wonderful" memories of her mom and dad from her early years. We'll probably hear more about these people in the future, sadly.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

Breeze:I don,t hate women.just commenting on the judge and the article.sorry I came across like that.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

You will probably hear about them in the future,the kid will probably be suing them for some reason or another.this is new jerkey


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

101Abn said:


> Breeze:I don,t hate women.just commenting on the judge and the article.sorry I came across like that.


You did come across that way but forums can be like that, no tone so it is hard to get a full understanding of a person's intent.

Anyway as to the situation, there are 3 people involved here all with different needs/rights. The mother has a right to give birth in a stress free environment. The father has a right to be a father and the child has the right to two functioning parents. 
But as this went to a court hearing odds on that it will only get worse from here. It will be the child that loses out in the end.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Ok, some seem to be hung up on the "visitation" at the hospital. Newsflash, people: anyone who is NOT a patient staying at the hospital, and is VISITING the patient, is a visitor. Dad's often have different vistiation hours than most other people visiting. Sometimes, dad can stay in mom's room with mom... but mom doesn't HAVE to allow dad to stay there.

As for the child support thing... LMAO! You would seriously go to jail, 101Abn, rather than pay child support because your EX didn't want you in the room when she was giving birth? Well, that would show she made the right choice, IMO.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

My son was born premature. No one ws allowed to even touch him the first two days.
Do we love eachother any less because of this?

Stupid father does not know what is important and what it's stupid. Glad the judge ruled this way.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

Maricha 75we you an apology.did not see the line where they were estranged.saw where they were texting each other.next time I will use my reading glasses.now that I read the story with right glasses,ur are right.again I apologize.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

As a man, this ruling seems perfectly sensible. I struggle to imagine feeling I should be at a birth when the Mother does not want me there.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

101Abn said:


> Maricha 75we you an apology.did not see the line where they were estranged.saw where they were texting each other.next time I will use my reading glasses.now that I read the story with right glasses,ur are right.again I apologize.


Apology accepted. My dad has that same issue...reading with the wrong glasses. 

I can understand what you are saying if they were together... however, it is also hospital policy that the patient be comfortable... and less stressed. So, even if they were together, if he were causing her stress during delivery, he would be asked to leave the room... and rightfully so. Leave the room, not the hospital. Tbh, during the delivery, the only people who have the right to be IN the room are the hospital personnel necessary for delivery, and the patient. Anyone else is allowed as long as mom is doing well and she ok's it. Even with mom's "ok", the doctor can veto that at any time. 

Something to keep in mind, really... don't stress mom = you are more likely to be allowed to stay.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

I remember my son was born Dec 26. At 5:22am.I worked 16 Mrs on Xmas. Went home opened gifts with family.went to sisters to celebrate.then I went home so tired and wife woke me at abt 4am told me her water broke.I was so groggy I told her I will clean up later.then she told me again and we went to hospital.nurse told me if I want to go in but I have to wait till she gets ready.I sat in a chair outside and the next thing I knew I had a son.nurse said she tried to wake me but no luck.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

he should get a paternity test and don't let her put his name on the birth certificat until hes sure its his!!!!!!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

That was big of you to apologize 101Abn.

I think the ruling was right and along the lines of what the hospitals allow and what is good for the mother, and the infant since mother's stress can impact the baby's health during birth.

I hope she puts him on the birth certificate so he doesn't have to go through all kinds of crap trying to prove paternity just so he can be involved. Two parents are better than one in most instances, even if they aren't together.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

Thank you engoli woman.my fault.try to read with distance glasses on not reading glasses.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I agree with the ruling. Men back in the day weren't allowed in the delivery room and you didn't see them taking it to court and whining about it.No,they were patient,respected the process and waited for the nurse to bring their baby to them. Also,they were MARRIED to the woman most times...these two weren't even a couple.
He whined about how unfair it was that she got to bond with the baby immediately and he didn't. Well,sorry sweetie,it's unfair that our bodies have to be put through grueling labor and hell to bring the baby into the world.It's unfair we still get paid less than you in the professional world.It's unfair we're still judged when we f**k as many men as you've f**ked women. A LOT of sh*t in this world is unfair. DEAL WITH IT just like everyone else has to deal with it. I'm so sick of everyone running to the courts and media the very nanosecond the world doesn't bend over backward for them. All it does is create more tension and drama.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Not sure how this is an issue. This isn't knew. The woman is the patient so of course she has the right to have a stress free environment . If the issue is a woman can be vindictive and keep the dad out because she is upset or now doesn't like him or whatever then my suggestion would be to monitor where you leave your sperm.

And for what it's worth I was in the delivery room for both my daughters...... I recommend to my friends who don't have kids that if they can stay out do it or you'll see some **** that night
:rofl:


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Don't see the problem here, and I'm a little troubled that this douche found it necessary to take this to court. Tells me a lot about him.....the fact that he saw no problem with inflicting a whole lot of stress on the woman that's about to give birth to his son or daughter over his wants. He can see the baby as soon as its born; mom is entitled to a little stress as possible during what is still a life risking event that pretty much strips you of all your dignity.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Not sure how this is an issue. This isn't knew. The woman is the patient so of course she has the right to have a stress free environment . If the issue is a woman can be vindictive and keep the dad out because she is upset or now doesn't like him or whatever then my suggestion would be to monitor where you leave your sperm.
> 
> And for what it's worth I was in the delivery room for both my daughters...... I recommend to my friends who don't have kids that if they can stay out do it or you'll see some **** that night
> :rofl:


Her motivations are completely irrelevant. She is the one risking her life and health, and giving up all of her dignity, to birth a child. There is no equality here and there never will be because of this.....if they had a fight and she's po'd at him then that can still cause her stress. Mom and baby's health comes before anything.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

wonder why they split up in the first place and if she was able to have sex with him and get pregnat then he already seen her private parts.

him being there might actually be positive suporting the mother of his child through this might just be what they need to get beck together.

not enough info to judge in the artical.

the law is the law and well she had the right to not let him in there but it sounds fishy to me. 

the law is also pretty clear on if he lets her put his name on the birth certificat then even if he finds out its not his he will be responcible for suport. after reaading how many women cheat on here I would not allow my nane on the birth certificate until I was sure. she played the law card first but not letting him in so now its his turn!

with that said we don't really know all the details so just reading an artical and makeing all these judgements is kind of silly.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Her motivations are completely irrelevant. She is the one risking her life and health, and giving up all of her dignity, to birth a child. There is no equality here and there never will be because of this.....if they had a fight and she's po'd at him then that can still cause her stress. Mom and baby's health comes before anything.


Is that not what I said


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Is that not what I said


Yeah, you did. But you also pointed out that you were unsure because women might use this to be vindictive. My point was that it doesn't matter if she is being vindictive, because her health and the baby's health are priority number one. If she was comfortable with him being there she wouldn't be vindictive. But maybe I misunderstood your post.....it's been known to happen 

Upon reading the article further, I saw that his lawyer claimed he wasn't actually asking to be in the room (probably because he realized he looked like a douche and had just lost the case) but was just asking to see the baby asap. He should be able to do that and according to the article he did, so it looks like it worked out for them.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I said in my post *whatever* the reason is. Doesn't matter the reason is, vindictive, crazy, mean, bad hair day, doesn't Matter. She is the patient, the boyfriend, husband, one night stand guy isn't. Is that fair, maybe not but it certainly doesn't matter because it is what is.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> wonder why they split up in the first place and if she was able to have sex with him and get pregnat then he already seen her private parts.


Big difference between seeing someone naked during sex and seeing someone birth a child. I had a friend who pooped on her husband during labour, which is a common thing to happen while pushing. It's not something you want everyone seeing. It's a very private moment and very stressful.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ok, I misunderstood.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Big difference between seeing someone naked during sex and seeing someone birth a child. I had a friend who pooped on her husband during labour, which is a common thing to happen while pushing. It's not something you want everyone seeing. It's a very private moment and very stressful.


I have to wonder if someone that makes such a comparison has every actually seen a childbirth, or has any kids :scratchhead:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Big difference between seeing someone naked during sex and seeing someone birth a child. I had a friend who pooped on her husband during labour, which is a common thing to happen while pushing. It's not something you want everyone seeing. It's a very private moment and very stressful.


Yes it was some experience. I had no idea the things I would see that night!!!!!,


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> wonder why they split up in the first place and if she was able to have sex with him and get pregnat then he already seen her private parts.


I am sorry but this is comment is insulting to every woman.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

im_tam said:


> I am sorry but this is comment is insulting to every woman.


?????? wasn't ment to insult anybody its just my opinion.

did you read the rest of my post?

the fact the this woman refused to let him see his child being born could be insulting to alot of men.

I've been in the delivery room twice whats the big deal we are adults and if you can't see a baby being born then shame on you.

if your adult enough to have sex and get pregnate then in my opinion your adult enough to let the father be apart of the experiance. with out crying I might be to stresses and embarrassed.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Her body her choice.

If there was some way she could be removed from that room when the baby is being born...then of course the man can watch it.

But her in that state...........she has the final say.

Just because she allowed him access to her body once upon a time does not mean he has access to it whenever he wants.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

im_tam said:


> Her body her choice.
> 
> If there was some way she could be removed from that room when the baby is being born...then of course the man can watch it.
> 
> ...


lol. I guess we will have to agree to disagree.

did you read my whole post ?

and he can exercise his rights and refuse to have his name on the birth cretificate or contest it until a paternaty test is done.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> and he can exercise his rights and refuse to have his name on the birth cretificate or contest it until a paternaty test is done.


I personally feel like the man shouldn't be allowed to sign the certificate til a dna test is done on the baby and it should be covered by insurance 

It would save a lot of fellas tons of time and money,imo.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Sorry, but when you're not getting along with your husband, bar him, because if it stresses you, it stresses the baby and will make the labor an even more unpleasant experience than it already is.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I personally feel like the man shouldn't be allowed to sign the certificate til a dna test is done on the baby and it should be covered by insurance
> 
> It would save a lot of fellas tons of time and money,imo.


and would keep women honest. eventually it will happen insurance companies that are paying dilevery and medical charges for a baby they might not have to will rear its ulgy head.

I've seen that 3% of all babies are not the husbands.

how many babies are born every year.....a quick google search say 4million, 3% of 4 million=120000. how much does the hosp charge?

thats a lot of jing that health ins companies might not have to pay.

if the babys not the husbands and he contests it. huston we have a problem!


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

*SARCASM ALERT*


The baby as soon as its born will search for the father. If it cannot see its father, it will suffer a great amount of sadness.

The father will look at the baby emerging out and immediately know if its his or someone else's.

If the father and baby see eachother immediately, they will have a life that is amazingly well bonded.

If the mother has a problem with the father then she would get up and leave the delivery room. without taking the baby with her.


Will people posting stick to the topic w/o bringing in infidelity cos this thread is NOT about it.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

I gotta say, the older I get the more jaded I get about the way guys are treated when it comes to kids and families in the legal system.

It isn't just that woman's baby. It took two to make it, and even though they are estranged now the father was trying to be there for his child. Until the courts stepped in and said he couldn't.

It's a loose loose situation really. Guys get so much flak for not being there (often it's deserved). This guy tries to be there, and he isn't allowed to be by law.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

im_tam said:


> The baby as soon as its born will search for the father. If it cannot see its father, it will suffer a great amount of sadness..... If the father and baby see each other immediately, they will have a life that is amazingly well bonded.


Many people (Moms and Dads) can't see their baby right after it's born and they bond just fine. It is nice to be able to see your child being born but it is not necessary. Even with H being down the hall, he saw DD (clearly) before I did. I just saw blurs and nurse arms  




im_tam said:


> If the mother has a problem with the father then she would get up and leave the delivery room. without taking the baby with her.


Get up and leave right after child birth? They don't actually let you do that. You need to deliver the placenta, get stitched up, checked over, begin breastfeeding, watch bleeding, etc..... The Mother is the patient there and there is still medical work to do for her.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

@SlowlyGoingCrazy.

I was being sarcastic...
Please refer the previous page where it started.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Sorry, I didn't realize. I always forget to look at usernames.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I had all three of my kids c-section. My husband was in the OR for the first two, but not the last one. They have bonded just fine. Someone pushing their way into the delivery room, or the OR, is more than disrespectful. No one, other than the mother and necessary medical personnel, has the RIGHT to be in there. To believe otherwise is ridiculous, bordering on stupidity. Seriously, people. Anyone other than the laboring mother and the medical personnel is a GUEST of the patient. Just as anyone has the right to refuse visitors to his or her home, a patient has the right to refuse visitors to her room. Dad can see the baby in the nursery. He doesn't have to go to mom's room. No one has to believe or agree with me. Frankly, IDGAF. It's still a fact. Patient's right/comfort is first priority. All others' requests are after that.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

I don't have kids. Never given birth. BUT I know that hospitals do everything they can to make sure their patient is OK. I had jaw surgery two years ago, and will again in a few days. Last time, when I was in post-op recovery, waking up from the anesthesia, my vital signs were showing I was stressed. I was panicky, dopey, scared, etc. I kept saying, "I want to see my husband." and the nurse said he's coming. In a few minutes I saw him across the room, rushing to me, and my vitals dropped back to normal, my panic subsided. The nurse looked at me, looked at my husband, then told me she'd NEVER seen anything like that before. Never seen a measurable and quantifiable proof that having a loved one at your side is soothing.

Because of my anxiety, they bent the rule of "no visitors for more than 5 minutes," and let him stay with me. 

I'm glad the judge ruled as he did. I'm sad that it even had to go to court. I hope for everyone involved, that they get their stuff together for their child's sake.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Love that story Mysic.

Agree with the decision as long as it is LABOR only. He should be able to see the baby within minutes of the delivery even if briefly. During labor? Cmon the poor woman has a bunch of people looking up her cooter as it is. Being an ex... give her some privacy.

Chilly. WAY back early 2000s a nurse I knew told me nurses are not allowed to say anything to dads even when basic biology 101 blood typing shows the father cant be the father. NOTHING is said by policy. Not sure its the law or whatever.


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

101Abn said:


> This does not surprise me with the ahole
> Judges we have in this state.but I bet she goes after child support and the judge grants it.the court system eats dog shut in this state.


The judge acted 100% correctly here. Laboring mothers, and any adult being treated in a healthcare institution, can bar or slow whoever they want in their room. If the mom didn't want him in there, it's her right. Sad that he couldn't understand that and that it had to go to court.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

My understanding of the facts was that the couple were not married, and had broken up. The father sued her to be informed about the progression of her labor and to have access to the child.
So, until the child is born, he has no business being in the delivery room, if that was the wish of the mother. Of course he should have access after birth, something the mother was never denying him.
The parent-child relationship will not be harmed by a couple hours wait on his part. Talk to most ob-gyns and they will tell you they would rather not have fathers in delivery to begin with. Their concern is for the two patients, the mother and the newborn. This was a good decision for patients' rights.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

weightlifter said:


> Love that story Mysic.
> 
> Agree with the decision as long as it is LABOR only. He should be able to see the baby within minutes of the delivery even if briefly. During labor? Cmon the poor woman has a bunch of people looking up her cooter as it is. Being an ex... give her some privacy.
> 
> Chilly. WAY back early 2000s a nurse I knew told me nurses are not allowed to say anything to dads even when basic biology 101 blood typing shows the father cant be the father. NOTHING is said by policy. Not sure its the law or whatever.


yep, the medical field says nothing.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

SunnyT said:


> While it should be her choice who is IN the room, he should have been able to park a chair right outside the door...and be allowed in ASAP. He should be able to see his baby all wrinkly and slimey.
> 
> On the other hand, good for him for at least TRYING his best to "be there" for his baby.


That's rather rare. They don't need fainting fathers. The usual thing is to clean the baby up before anyone else sees it.


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> wonder why they split up in the first place and if she was able to have sex with him and get pregnat then he already seen her private parts.


Consent for sex is a daily admission ticket, not a lifetime pass.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ExiledBayStater said:


> Consent for sex is a daily admission ticket, not a lifetime pass.


don't think he want admission.just to play catcher.

I don't have a problem with the hosp. not letting him in or her not wanting him in. 

I would be skeptical it was mine. and if they were going to raise a child together then I find it strange that she wouldn't want him there. which in turn would make me question if it was mine thats why I would contest it until paternity was established.


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> thats why I would contest it until paternity was established.


That's most certainly your right as long as you're not married. We are fortunate to live in a time when there are reliable paternity tests.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ExiledBayStater said:


> That's most certainly your right as long as you're not married. We are fortunate to live in a time when there are reliable paternity tests.


if your married you can't contest paternity?


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> if your married you can't contest paternity?


Generally not. This way the child is legitimate. Sucks to be the betrayed husband though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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