# Miserable



## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

I'm not very happy. I'm in my mid 30s. My wife constantly nags at me. Like non stop. Her chief complaint is we don't spend enough time together, which is absurd. We spend A Lot of time together. She complains non-stop if I do anything I like. Literally she gets into screaming fits if I watch football or play video games. I don't think spending 3 hours for 16 Sundays a year is asking for much. She claims I'm always ignoring her but I don't. She borrowed my car, and returned it with a huge dent, gave me 3 different stories on how it happened. Then claimed it was previously there before she borrowed it, but I am 100% sure it wasn't. She decided she was going to " fix it" by withdrawing a lot of money out of the 401k without even asking. Also she accuses me of cheating with someone I work with but she doesn't know who. Obviously, this is wrong I haven't ever done anything like that. I do most the cleaning but she is always talking how much she does for me because she cook 5 days a week.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Sounds very miserable

Have you talked to her about how she treats you?


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

Lostme said:


> Sounds very miserable
> 
> Have you talked to her about how she treats you?


Of course I have. She pretty much ch blame shifts or starts crying. She will play victim and say I want to make her cry and she is stupid and should kill herself. She isn't the most stable person.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Life is to short to stay in an unhappy situation.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Out off all that stuff a lot of it is par for the course. However the car incident does bother me a but if you are really so sure the dent wasn't there before. It's not the fact that she dented the car, it's the fact that she didn't admit to it and say she was sorry. That may portend other problems in the future. I would try to sit down with her and have some heart to heart talks about everything. If you have no kids and you can't fix things you can always get a divorce, but maybe you should try to negotiate a few things with her first and see if you can't make things better.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

She sounds crazy. Any kids? If not, think about whether you'd be better off without her. Crazy people make bad life partners. If you have kids, it's much more complicated because you have to consider your obligation to them ahead of yourself.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Get some good marriage counselling. How much time do you spend playing games?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Did you call 911 and got her an emergency psyche evaluation when threatened suicide?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Lots of cheats accuse their spouce of cheating. 

She sound crazy no peice of ass is worth putting up with a controling lying disrespecrfull attitude!

My advice cut your losses!


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

thedope said:


> She accuses me of cheating.... She will play victim and say I want to make her cry and she is stupid and should kill herself. She isn't the most stable person.


TD, did this behavior start showing right after the wedding, if not before? I ask because the behaviors you describe -- i.e., suicide threats, temper tantrums and _"screaming fits,"_ black-white thinking, _"playing victim,"_ inability to trust, irrational jealousy, and instability -- are classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Importantly, I'm not suggesting your W exhibits full-blown BPD (only a professional can determine that). Rather, I'm suggesting she may be exhibiting moderate to strong traits of BPD. 

I caution that BPD is a "spectrum" disorder, which means every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all BPD traits to some degree (albeit at a low level if the person is healthy). At issue, then, is not whether your W exhibits BPD traits. Of course she does. We all do. Rather, at issue is whether she exhibits them at a strong and persistent level (i.e., is on the upper third of the BPD spectrum). 

Not having met her, I cannot answer that question. I nonetheless believe you can spot any strong BPD warning signs that are present if you take a little time to learn which behaviors are on the list. They are not difficult to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as verbal abuse, controlling behavior, temper tantrums, and irrational jealousy.

Of course, learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your W's issues. Although strong BPD symptoms are easy to spot, only a professional can determine whether they are so severe as to constitute a full-blown disorder. Yet, like learning warning signs for a stroke or heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid staying in a toxic marriage and avoid running into the arms of another woman just like her.

I therefore suggest you take a quick look at my list of _*18 BPD Warning Signs*_ to see if most sound very familiar. If so, I would suggest you read my more detailed description of them at my posts in _*Maybe's Thread*_. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to join the other respondents in discussing them with you. Take care, TD.


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