# Someone help. I'm losing it.



## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

just got into my stbxh email. He has been having an EA with a much younger married woman, who also has a child.The emails were just full of how much they love each other.*Has anyone ever seen their spouse's EA emails or texts?Is this really love of they've never even met face to face and maybe never will?Also, as a result of seeing the emails, I have her email address....should I contact her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## grainofsalt (Oct 6, 2013)

I did discover that my stbxw had a habit of browsing all her exes on facebook, about two weeks before our marriage! Lolz... Dug out an old laptop after she split, and found that out.

Sure, if I were you I'd let her know. The truth shall set you free, right?


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## outNabout (Mar 2, 2013)

My condolences! I'm sure your heart is pounding and you feel horribly angry/violated/destroyed. Take long slow calm breaths. 
Rest your mind a little. Get some quiet space a few hours / the day / a few nights ... whatever you need. Consider staying with parents or girlfriend if you need more time to 'process' it all. 

If you "lose it" entirely, the situation can get out of control and very fast get worse and worse. Take one moment at a time. 

Know that you will likely have to work through with him why you 'violated his privacy' and face the consequences of that. But I look through my wayward wife's email so I'm with you in that!

Not sure about contacting her right now, but if you do end up talking with him about it, start setting some boundaries; like requiring marriage counselling to happen!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jforthegirl said:


> just got into my stbxh email. He has been having an EA with a much younger married woman, who also has a child.The emails were just full of how much they love each other.*Has anyone ever seen their spouse's EA emails or texts?Is this really love of they've never even met face to face and maybe never will?Also, as a result of seeing the emails, I have her email address....should I contact her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Contact her husband


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Oh, how I wish that I could find her husband. I only know her email address and her first name, so I don't know how I would find him. 
Thanks for the support. We are definitely headed for divorce, so this little event was really just bad for everyone. It doesn't change anything and I really wish that I had never sern those emails. So, so painful to read what he says to her, how much he loves her.
I wish I would've just let it be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jforthegirl said:


> Oh, how I wish that I could find her husband. I only know her email address and her first name, so I don't know how I would find him.
> Thanks for the support. We are definitely headed for divorce, so this little event was really just bad for everyone. It doesn't change anything and I really wish that I had never sern those emails. So, so painful to read what he says to her, how much he loves her.
> I wish I would've just let it be.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Her last name isn't on the emails?

There are ways to research the name and address of people associated with email.


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Its not. Here's the twist, both she and my husband are internet trolls (how they met, in fact), so the have many, many email addresses and online usernames. Believe me I tried to find out her last name.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jforthegirl said:


> Its not. Here's the twist, both she and my husband are internet trolls (how they met, in fact), so the have many, many email addresses and online usernames. Believe me I tried to find out her last name.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you have access to his phone records?


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

I just lost access today, I released his line to him and I cant access it now.
just my luck, I found out about her a few hours later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jforthegirl said:


> I just lost access today, I released his line to him and I cant access it now.
> just my luck, I found out about her a few hours later.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't have access to old phone records?


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Conrad said:


> You don't have access to old phone records?


No, it was weird how or account was set up, the online accounts were totally separate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jforthegirl said:


> No, it was weird how or account was set up, the online accounts were totally separate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can you get your hands on his phone?


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Can you get your hands on his phone?


Oh no, he's been very protective of it, as you might imagine.
he just moved out today, I would never have access anyway.
I did just look at the last bill and there was 1 strange number, but a reverse lookup on spokeo didnt find it. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jforthegirl said:


> Oh no, he's been very protective of it, as you might imagine.
> he just moved out today, I would never have access anyway.
> I did just look at the last bill and there was 1 strange number, but a reverse lookup on spokeo didnt find it. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Repeated calls to that number?

If so, call the number yourself and tell them they've got a shot at a sweepstakes opportunity that will cost them no money.

They'll give you their names.

If she has the same first name, bingo.

Call back later and ask to speak with him.


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Repeated calls to that number?
> 
> If so, call the number yourself and tell them they've got a shot at a sweepstakes opportunity that will cost them no money.
> 
> ...


Yeah, only one text came in, I called it and it was an invalid number. 
As much as I would love to find her husband and trek him, for my own emotional well being, I need yo let it go.
all of it, just let it go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jforthegirl said:


> Yeah, only one text came in, I called it and it was an invalid number.
> As much as I would love to find her husband and trek him, for my own emotional well being, I need yo let it go.
> all of it, just let it go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I actually disagree.

But, your mileage may vary.

If you place a voice-activated recorder under his car seat, you'll have what you need in no time.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

J4,

Back to your original post. I just do not see how anyone who cheated to be with another person won't cheat again.

It's not a 100% but these excitement driven encounters are doomed from the beginning.

Focus on you, work towards a future without him but be ready, his little "love" affair will disintegrate and he'll come back to you as the Plan B.

Just my crystal ball,
Stretch


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Stretch said:


> J4,
> 
> Back to your original post. I just do not see how anyone who cheated to be with another person won't cheat again.
> 
> ...


I guess that I'm trying to accept if this love that they profess for each other is real. He told me it's fantasy, but he's lied to me over and over about everything related to this impending divorce.
that's my other question, why does he continue to lie to me? I would have rather known the full extent of his lousy love for me and the affair all at once when he told me he was leaving 4 weeks ago. Finding out about new deceptions every week is really taking its toll and dragging out my suffering. 
Maybe that's his intent. ..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

I'm having a terrible time today. Anyone have any pearls of wisdom on coping with infidelity and betrayal?
Ugh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jforthegirl said:


> I guess that I'm trying to accept if this love that they profess for each other is real. He told me it's fantasy, but he's lied to me over and over about everything related to this impending divorce.
> that's my other question, why does he continue to lie to me? I would have rather known the full extent of his lousy love for me and the affair all at once when he told me he was leaving 4 weeks ago. Finding out about new deceptions every week is really taking its toll and dragging out my suffering.
> Maybe that's his intent. ..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Trickle truth is easier for him.

It has nothing to do with you.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Want a pick me up.

Get dolled up. Hit the grocery store around 5:30. Walk around giving looks to the dudes there and enjoy the looks you get back.

Just a creepy fun thing I like to do once in a while to build my confidence.

Got a friend you can grab a light dinner with?

Engage with people to help you get through a tough time.

Stretch


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## Will Overcome (Apr 1, 2013)

jforthegirl said:


> I'm having a terrible time today. Anyone have any pearls of wisdom on coping with infidelity and betrayal?
> Ugh.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just went through the same thing with my wife, so I can very much sympathize with the hurt you are going through.

I guess everyone is different, but here is how I am coping:

Remember to eat properly, and drink enough water to stay properly hydrated. If you are like me, you have many episodes of crying throughout the day, make sure to replenish those fluids.

As tempting as it is to drink booze to dull the pain, don't do it. You will end up with a headache on top of the heartache you are already feeling.

If you can convince yourself to exercise, that seems to help a tiny bit.

If the weather is nice, take a walk and get some fresh air.

If you have a Dog, pet and play with him/her regularly.

Treat yourself to a little something nice - maybe a new book, or movie, or buy yourself a dinner at your favorite fast food joint, do some little nice thing like that for yourself.

If you are in as much anguish and despair as I am in, maybe you need to seek counseling to help you through this? I know that's the point where I am at, and I am currently shopping around for counselors that specialize in grief, divorce, low self esteem, etc.


I don't know if any of those suggestions are good ones, but those are the things I have been doing that seem to be helping a little bit so far.

I am living one moment at a time, and trying to make the best of things.


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## Will Overcome (Apr 1, 2013)

Stretch said:


> Want a pick me up.
> 
> Get dolled up. Hit the grocery store around 5:30. Walk around giving looks to the dudes there and enjoy the looks you get back.
> 
> ...



Hey, I think that's an interesting idea! My self esteem was shattered when I found out my Wife had an emotional affair. A self esteem boost for me right now would help a LOT.

If a woman showed me any sort of physical / sexual attraction toward me right now, I would feel on top of the world...

But I think if I got dolled up and walked around the grocery store with a purse and high heels with a mini-skirt and fishnet stockings, I would probably get funny looks because I'm a dude. 

Oh well.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Will Overcome said:


> Hey, I think that's an interesting idea! My self esteem was shattered when I found out my Wife had an emotional affair. A self esteem boost for me right now would help a LOT.
> 
> If a woman showed me any sort of physical / sexual attraction toward me right now, I would feel on top of the world...
> 
> ...


Rent a tuxedo with tails and a hat.

Same effect.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Rent a tuxedo with tails and a hat.
> 
> Same effect.


Several years back, me and a group of friends decided to go to the pub dressed in formal suits as an experiment.

The reaction was unbelievable. In a good way.


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Stretch said:


> Want a pick me up.
> 
> Get dolled up. Hit the grocery store around 5:30. Walk around giving looks to the dudes there and enjoy the looks you get back.
> 
> ...


lol, the cruising the grocery store at 530 is a hilarious idea. But somehow I feel like doing this with my one year old daughter in tow may not have the desired effect. But I love that you do this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cbnero (Dec 6, 2013)

Hi, I don't know if anyone else on TAM has posted this before, but here is a useful website that I found that exposed the identity of the OM in my situation. It's free and ONLY works on CELL PHONES:
Free Cell Number Search | Spy Dialer

There are 2 options - the default will electronically pull the voicemail recording of the phone # in question. Without the person in question having any clue, their phone doesn't ring.

The other option will attempt to pull the name of the owner of the phone. In my case it pulled the last name which was all I needed to zero in on the identity. Sometimes it pulls the first name, or not at all.


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## cbnero (Dec 6, 2013)

There is always a worse scenario you could be going through. I just went through one that is mind boggling to the point of insanity. And actually exposed the affair to the OM wife today. So this is pretty fresh for me. Here is what I posted earlier:

Pretty simply the lesson I learned (painfully): Respect yourself because no one else will do it for you. Stay calm at all times. Don't let emotions dictate your response. Don't let someone else define your identity. Own your actions, but don't own someone else's. Pray. 

You can choose to expose or not expose the affair. Don't doubt your decision either way. For me I had self-esteem/codependency issue that the stbx used to manipulate and destroy me for an entire year with non-stop lies and misdirection. Not kidding I don't know how I survived it.

Conrad commented on my post: YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS DECISIONS.

That is the important thing. Either he cares about the marriage or not. Sounds like not. Don't go crazy but force yourself to become self-aware. Let your mind and heart deal with the pain - but WHEN you deal with it is up to you. Make the choice for when you deal with the bad stuff and when you will not. And decide when you will focus on having fun and doing things for YOURSELF. At the end of the day you need to love yourself. it's a lesson I learned the hard way.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

jforthegirl said:


> lol, the cruising the grocery store at 530 is a hilarious idea. But somehow I feel like doing this with my one year old daughter in tow may not have the desired effect. But I love that you do this!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I don't discriminate, with or without kids. It all jacks my ego and bolsters my self-esteem.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

J,

What's going on GF?

Are you working on yourself?

Thinking about you,
Stretch


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jforthegirl said:


> lol, the cruising the grocery store at 530 is a hilarious idea. But somehow I feel like doing this with my one year old daughter in tow may not have the desired effect. But I love that you do this!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife had 4 kids.

Didn't stop me.


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Stretch said:


> J,
> 
> What's going on GF?
> 
> ...


Aw, thanks for checking in on me. 
Very rough weekend. I was depressed and feeling very regretful all weekend. Tried to stay busy, But it didn't help much. Feeling a little better today. 
Just trying to ride this out, take it one day at a time.
how are you, stretch?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

jforthegirl said:


> just got into my stbxh email. He has been having an EA with a much younger married woman, who also has a child.The emails were just full of how much they love each other.*Has anyone ever seen their spouse's EA emails or texts?Is this really love of they've never even met face to face and maybe never will?Also, as a result of seeing the emails, I have her email address....should I contact her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They do not love each other. Online chatting like that is not love. The feeling is just temporary.


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

kitty2013 said:


> They do not love each other. Online chatting like that is not love. The feeling is just temporary.


what I read sure made it sound like love. But I suppose that if you can portray yourself as anything that you want, it's pretty easy to get someone to love you. 
It's so painful to think that he even thinks he's in love with someone else when I can't even think about about even talking to another man like that without feeling sick. 
But, he seems to have easily moved on and there's nothing I can do about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

How this drags on. It has been 5 weeks since he told me he wanted to leave me and almost 2 weeks since I found out about the OW and he moved out. 
I feel like these feelings of betrayal and hopelessness are getting worse, not better. I wake up in the middle of the night and think of him, them and then can't get back to sleep. Feeling so depressed, yet so angry with him and what a lousy male role model he is for our daughter. 
I want so badly to tell him all of the things that I am mad about, but I know it would be a waste of time. He blames me for everything. I never want him back, but at some point I want him to see this for what it is, his midlife crisis or affair fog or whatever it is. I want him to realize that he did this, not me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Unfortunately, the only things you are going to get from him are a divorce and child support.

You can see by his actions that whoever he was before is gone and you need to start moving toward your future without him.

In your las tpost, almost every sentence had a male pronoun in it. You has to become your focus. With a heavy dose of your daughter.

Welcome to the 180/NC.

What is your support? Friends? Family? Pastor? Counselor?

Lean on them and move forward to your new future,
Stretch


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Stretch said:


> Unfortunately, the only things you are going to get from him are a divorce and child support.
> 
> You can see by his actions that whoever he was before is gone and you need to start moving toward your future without him.
> 
> ...


This post, especially the part pointing out how often I referred to "him", was pretty much exactly what I needed to hear. You are so right, I'm so completely focused on him that I'm losing track of what I need for me. It's so easy to get stuck on obsessing about him and what he did or didn't do instead of concentrating on what I can do for me and my daughter. I need to keep my head in the game, the only thing I should be worried about is my future, for both me and my daughter. 
Thanks for the reminder, Stretch, I needed that kick in the pants!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cbnero (Dec 6, 2013)

Yeah, I learned you will never understand why they do anything they do. And they dont stop doing crazy things. So you have to just focus on yourself and make the conscious decision to love yourself and your daughter.

I look at it like this. That person you knew is gone. Period. Now its just a business relationship for the child. And your business partner is nuts and a liar. You cant buy them out, so you need to stay calm, dont let thoughts about their nonsense enter your thinking, put up boundaries to protect yourself, and start living YOUR life today without them!

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## littlejaz (Oct 17, 2013)

jforthegirl,

I found emails between my STBXH and some loser girl. They were professing their love to each other. She just wanted someone to love her who would be honest with her and not betray her. And he said he was as honest as the day is long and had never betrayed anyone in his life. Then the next paragraph was about how terrible his wife was and how he couldn't afford to divorce me. Then she would tell him she just knew what a wonderful, trustworthy guy he was and she believed he would never hurt her. This went on for over a week. As I am reading this crap, I am feeling a lot like you. How could he fall in love with someone after a few emails. And how could she think he was honest and trustworthy when he was cheating on his wife.

Then the sob story. My poor auntie is in trouble, can you send me some money? Oops, so much for their grand love story.

So don't buy into the BS. They aren't in love. They are just two defective people looking for a quick fix rather than dealing with reality. It really is rather pathetic. 

We have to stop dwelling on the past and trying to figure our STBX's out. We never will and I am beginning to see that as a positive sign because I am not like him, I would never do the things he has done to me and I am proud of that.

But I also know that it is easier said than done. I am almost 2 years into my separation and still having trouble with it, but it is a million times better than it was in the beginning, so hang in there, better days are on the horizon.


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## cbnero (Dec 6, 2013)

I agree! Put this in perspective. You were happy before POS stbx came into your life, and life wasnt perfect or easy then. Life isnt ever going to be easy or perfect, but you can and will be happy wothout him. 

Stand up, love, and respect yourself. You want him in your life but you dont need him in your life. And lets take it a step further: if he is the type of person that you are discovering him to be, do you really want someone like that in your life? Heck no! If you had just met your stbx and he told you he was a cheating lying SOB who runs out on his family, but hey, he would like to go out with you, would you say yes in a million years? NO! See the bum for what he is and kick him to the curb. 

Go through the grieving process, but dont dwell on it. You are too good for him.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

littlejaz said:


> jforthegirl,
> 
> I found emails between my STBXH and some loser girl. They were professing their love to each other. She just wanted someone to love her who would be honest with her and not betray her. And he said he was as honest as the day is long and had never betrayed anyone in his life. Then the next paragraph was about how terrible his wife was and how he couldn't afford to divorce me. Then she would tell him she just knew what a wonderful, trustworthy guy he was and she believed he would never hurt her. This went on for over a week. As I am reading this crap, I am feeling a lot like you. How could he fall in love with someone after a few emails. And how could she think he was honest and trustworthy when he was cheating on his wife.
> 
> ...


Excuse me while I stand and applaud.


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

littlejaz said:


> jforthegirl,
> 
> I found emails between my STBXH and some loser girl. They were professing their love to each other. She just wanted someone to love her who would be honest with her and not betray her. And he said he was as honest as the day is long and had never betrayed anyone in his life. Then the next paragraph was about how terrible his wife was and how he couldn't afford to divorce me. Then she would tell him she just knew what a wonderful, trustworthy guy he was and she believed he would never hurt her. This went on for over a week. As I am reading this crap, I am feeling a lot like you. How could he fall in love with someone after a few emails. And how could she think he was honest and trustworthy when he was cheating on his wife.
> 
> ...


I agree with conrad, standing ovation on this post!

I don't know if there is a sob story with this girl, but if there is, she's in for a huge disappointment, my loser stbxh doesn't have any money! He can't even afford to give me child support. 

Anyway, I was thinking that these two idiots are perfect for each other. Sad, pathetic, lying cheaters with questionable morals and parenting skills. I'm so sad that this man is going to be my daughter's main male role model. Not what I had hoped for in a father for her.
I had a bad interaction with him this morning and it has taken all of my will power to stop myself from sending him a nasty text where I end it by calling him a "home-wrecking scumbag". (sigh) How I want to tell him what as a** he is. Oh well, I'm on the high road these days...
Thank you all for your support, it is so tremendously helpful in getting through these awful days that seem to go on and on....


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## littlejaz (Oct 17, 2013)

My STBXH was unemployed when all this happened, so the joke was on her.


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

So, I was on another divorce forum and there was a post from a man who was asking about when he should leave his wife, now or after the holidays. In this post, what he described is pretty much what happened with my marriage, but he was on the other side, he is the cheating WAH. 
The odd thing is that when he described how he has been checked out of the marriage for a year and a half and all of his feelings about being scared to hurt his wife and young son, I felt kind of sorry for him. It is so strange how this post made me feel, it was like I could see my stbxh's view of our marriage. 
I replied to the post and told this man what I have been through and how he should come clean with everything when he tells her he wants to leave and I told him he should definitely got to MC with her, she deserves the opportunity to try and work though this with him. He, just like my stbxh, states that it cannot be saved, he doesn't love her anymore. I also told him that, just like in my situation, he is not just leaving his wife, he is leaving his son too, even if he thinks that he is not, he really is abandoning his son, his family.
Anyway, I guess that my question here is, have any of you found yourself sympathizing with your spouse at any point? I mean I'm hurt, angry ,crushed about what is happening in my life, but I can't make the man love me. And I would like to believe that he did agonize over the decision to leave me and his daughter (although his actions do not support this theory). That leaving us was hard for him too, that he didn't want to crush my soul, shatter my life into a million pieces.
Am I being idealistic? Am I giving him the benefit of the doubt where it is not deserved? I feel so much anger towards him now and I feel like I don't know him at all anymore, but the man that I once knew would have had a hard time with this decision to leave this marriage. Am I crazy to hold onto that impression of the man that I once knew?
In the end, I know that it doesn't matter, my marriage is over and I need to move on, but this guy's post really sent me for a loop, emotionally.


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## cbnero (Dec 6, 2013)

Stop right there. 

You are making 2 HUGE mistakes right now...

1) you are asking for insight from a POS walkaway man. In the mind of a wayward spouse, they are all victims! Its never their fault, none of them have been in love with their spouse for years, blah blah blah! You just substitued this POS man for your WAH! Stop doing this to yourself. This guys head is in the affair fog and he isnt seeing anything but what he wants to see, and he would love others to agree with him. Guess what? He sucked you right in!

2) You cannot and will not be able to reason witj anyone in that mental state. Nothing you say or do will change their mind. Shifting away from them / 180 might snap them out of it. But even then this is a journey they need to go down on their own! You, me, and others on TAM view marriage and vows differently. So we can never unserstand what is going on in the mind of someone who does not have a moral compass. All they think of is themselves right now. In order to understand it, you would have to become just as nuts. Which we wont do.

It seems like you are really hurting and I know you think of you can figure out what they are thinking then perhaps you could understand it or change your situation. You can change your situation, but you need to start with yourself. Can you find time to exercise, take a long bath or shower, get your favorite food, etc? Meditate for a minute and just let go of what you can't control. Specifically him and his actions. You can control your own future to an extent. You can decide to love yourself and respect yourself as a person of value. If he cared about you at all, he would see how bad you are hurting and come hold you. But he isn't, is he? And here you are on a website of strangers trying to clean up the pieces of his poor decisions. You can do it, everyone on here will support you. It does get easier but accepting that you can't understand it ot control it is a big step. 

Conrad and Regroup and others gave me some key words when I was at a low. I promised Conrad I would stick around for a while and pay it forward, as best I can. Keep calm and your head high! You got this!

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Gah! you are so right.
I'm not sure what is going on with me.
I've been feeling so sad since I read that post on the other forum. I don't know why I am still so willing to try and figure out what my stbxh is thinking and why he did this. I thought that I was 100% positive that I was through with him, that I wouldn't even want him back if he wanted to come back.
But this latest development has me questioning my resolve. Am I really committed to moving on? Or am I holding onto the tiniest shred of hope that he will come back? I know that if he did I could NEVER get past the EA, I will never forgive him for the betrayal.
So why did this other cheating spouse's post hit me so hard? I'm baffled. I don't know what I feel anymore. I am so overwhelmed by this onslaught of emotions that I am reeling, I am struggling to cope and make sense of what is going on, with me, not him. I know how he feels, I know where his heart is and it is not with me or my daughter.
Why am I struggling with moving on? It is a pretty cut and dry situation. He doesn't love me, he left, he loves someone else.
DUH. Move on with your life, stupid. I feel like I'm stuck and I don't know why. 
Argh.


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## cbnero (Dec 6, 2013)

It's just our own fears that hold us back. Do not be hard on yourself. Having these feelings is normal. I don't know if you have gone through extreme anger over it yet. If you get angry that's OK too. Just don't act on it. 

Learning to confront this reality and facing your own fears will make you a much stronger person. Some people do not fully recover from being betrayed. Take a new vow to yourself right now that you will not be one of those. You are not a victim, do not give the SOB the power to cause you to feel that way. You are a great person, he is a bum. That is that. No victim here. 

Even a few weeks ago I had the same sliver of hope she would come back. But then I realized I couldnt take her back. Not after what she did and me being an emotional wreck. So why hold onto the sliver? Pull it out and throw it away. 

You are holding onto your own fantasy, not reality. Reality is he sucks, and he is gone. And it will be his loss. You dont need an apology or explanation (realize now you will never get one) but thats okay because it would all be a lie anyways! One fraud, all fraud. So it wouldnt do any good. Find a friend to give you a hug and throw in a movie DVD and hang out and get your mind off it, if you cant seem to clear your head.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Ok, so I know it is different for everyone, but how long did it take you to start feeling normal again? Even if for just brief amounts of time.
I'm about 6 weeks out from him telling me he was leaving and 3 weeks out from d-day on the OW.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Not sure I will ever feel "normal" again.

Do I feel more at peace with my current life, hell yes! My expectation is just to feel different for a very long time, maybe forever.

I see it in my career that the most successful acept and thrive with change.

My "normal" has to be eyes open to change and embracing any and all changes in the future. The ones I choose to initiate and the ones that I am forced to face.

Go live your life J, the best you can. It is a common theme here that the best revenge is living well and that has to start with being happy with who you are and wht you do to enjoy your life.

I hope you feel some of my positive energy today,
Stretch


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Thanks, stretch, I could use some positive energy today. Tough, tough day yesterday and today doesn't seem much better.
I feel like I've taken a couple of steps back, not sure why. But very sad lately.
Hoping that it will get better soon...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kindone (Mar 14, 2013)

Jforthegirl, I know it's hard and seems almost impossible that things will ever get better. Believe me they do, nearly a year ago was my D day and 7 weeks since my H moved out (supposed to be a trial separation). I too read fb chats between H and a w4ore. We have 2 young kids. I'm feeling a lot more positive now; don't think/worry too much about my H but just myself and my kids. Please don't spend too much of your time and energy thinking or trying to figure out your H; he doesn't deserve a second of your time and the truth is, you will never be able to understand his bad decision making I don't think he does either. Reading all the comments in your thread is helping me even more so please stick around and take the advices given to you by the likes of Conradx stretch, cbnero and everyone here; all talking from the experience. Stay strong, you can do it.


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Thanks for the support, Kindone, it's such a hard time. It is really helpful to hear from those who gave made it to the other side. It is just a constant roller coaster of ups and downs. 
This week has been hard, but I'm trying to be positive and look towards the future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kindone (Mar 14, 2013)

cbnero said:


> Stop right there.
> 
> You are making 2 HUGE mistakes right now...
> 
> ...


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Blah, another hard day. I just have this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that won't go away. I don't know if it is because I miss him or because I miss the relationship, the companionship. Maybe this is just loneliness? I'm not sure. When I think of him it gets worse, so it may be that I miss him (or at least who he used to be). I'm sad for me, I'm sad for my daughter. Deep down, I know that we will be OK without him, but I just really need time to pass more quickly! I want to be 6 months from here, right now! Gah, I guess the suffering just continues.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

J,

You keep digging girfriend.

Time will start passing so quick you will wish it slowed down.

I am coming up on 1.5 years separated and it seems like yesterday I watched her disassemble our home and move out.

Broken record here, try to keep your social activities as a priority to keep you moving towards your new future.

Happy New Year, we should all believe 2014 will be tter if not the best year of our lives.

Be strong,
Stretch


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

Thanks Stretch.
Doing my best to keep busy. The sadness still gets the best of me sometimes. I keep hoping that the waves of sadness will start to decrease, and on some days it is better than others. But, for the most part, still struggling with all of this. It doesn't help that I have to see him almost daily. Definitely makes things more complicated and doesn't seem to allow much time for healing.
And yes, please let this year be done! To 2014!!
Happy New Year!


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