# He says "just press rewind and delete"



## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

If you have read any of my previous posts my husband and I have had a very turbulent past two years. I caught him on the internet with a sex profile and meeting and looking for women and meeting men for oral sex.....needless to say it has been like an atom bomb has gone off in our marriage since then. He has dragged me through the mud in the process of my discovery and even ended with a polygraph test for the truth. Now he wants to "press rewind and delete" and let him rebuild the trust in him again. Can a human being really press delete like that...like a machine or a computer? Can men do that easier than a woman? I still do not trust him and am thinking I could never regain that trust back fully. Opinions?


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

For me it would depend on if I wanted to stay in the relationship or not, how transparent he would be and definitely be tested for STD and AIDS. 

Yes - anything is possible. It will be a hard road for him and you both. I'm still rebuilding my wifes trust in me for some of the stupid stuff I've done.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

No they can't the cheater must work to gain the trust it is not granted cheaply. If you forgive and forget cheaply he has done nothing suffered no consequences for what he has done and has not faced up to his issues. You have been the one to suffer and not you are being asked to reward him by forgetting the whole thing and allowing him to see if he can do this right. The only thing is that he does not have control over his problems he would like them to just go away with causing him too many problems. If he has not worked tofigure himself out then he will continue to do what he is doing. I would suggest a free online book that you can download from "how can I forgive you?" by Janis Abrahms. She takes an excellent view on forgiveness not the kind that requires on the deceived to do the work but the deceiver do the work to earn the trust. If the deceiver gets off cheaply, the deceived will feel even more cheated and devalued. It's an e- book I got it through the iBooks app on my iPhone. 

There is a larger issue here his sexual orientation he is bi or homosexual and he cannot change his orientation more over he has the character to deceive and expose you to deadly diseases. What makes you want to stay with such a man.? If you are seriously contemplating taking him back for a redo then I am concerned about your level of self esteem. He has not shown you respect sympathy real regret or willingness to help you heal the wounds that he has caused you. Why would you forgive him so cheaply don't you deserve a major show of real grief over how he has hurt you? This society is quick to tell the injured party to forgive and for minor offenses yes let it go. What you deal with is the major transgression one person can do to another. It will take a work often painful and difficult before you can accept his offer to forgive. You don't have to stay with him as a show of forgiveness why put your self in harms way just read stories of the diseases transmitted to women married to men who have sexual contact with men. 

If you care about yourself and think that you deserve to have you wounds tended to, then you will separate and divorce this man. You can always forgive him but at a distance, he has deceived about himself and he may not be capable of resisting his **** urges. He likes men that's a given you will never be enough, why would you want something like that in your life. You will never have the relationship with him that you thought you would have before you knew the true person he is. If you met him today knowing what you know would you get within 10 feet of him? He is asking you to pretend that he is the person you fell in love with, in essence you participate in your self deception.

That eeefffed up stop think read. Tell him you want to think and not to contact you spend some time thinking for yourself with out trying to find the person you thought he was that person never existed. Now you have to ask if you are so inclined to be in a sexual relationship with a man who is deceptive, and cannot facehis issues with his sexual orientation and will use you as a cover until he figures himself out. What may happen is that he will leave after experimenting with men and deciding he likes them better. Do you want to be his cover or temporary way station ? It would be kinder for him to work out his problems away from people who he will hurt and not try and hide out and use a woman to hide behind. You'er his wife not his mother
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sbbs (Sep 21, 2009)

Of course you can't just "rewind and erase"! 

You already know you can't do that, or you wouldn't be asking us about it.

Whether you and he can somehow repair the relationship, though--that's a different question. How betrayed and angry do you feel? Do you feel that it's possible to trust him again? Could you possibly work out a way for him to earn your trust back?

If you decide to work on the relationship, both of you have to admit that it's going to take a while to repair the damage. And you might want to go to a counselor together to help you establish trust again.

Or, you might decide that your relationship is hurt beyond repair, and that you have to go your separate ways. 

Either way--good luck to you. Let us know how it goes.


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

Thank you Catherine you lend a good ear and some sound advise. The problem is he denigns being bi or homosexual and swears it was sexual experimentation only once. The polygraph said it was a lie regarding it being only once. He swears he was trying the oral sex from a guy but didn't like it...yes he was still cheating. Still it was not what I signed up for in this marriage and since the shocking discovery I have been working abroad and we see each other once in a while. We recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and he came to see me for a week. He came with no gift which again was very disappointing to me. He said he didn't have enough money for a gift...although I would have thought he would have found some to get me a token to show that he was 100% onboard in this marriage. I am stuck on this fence and just can't seem to have the guts to leave him although I feel like a women with no spine for staying. I want to move on but the triggers keep coming up. Last night in a shoe store even when we were talking to a male sales assoc, I started thinking crazy thoughts. Now I watch to see if he looks at men or women. It drives me crazy. When we fight he claims I could have cheated on him when I went away to yoga retreats but I never did. It's as though he bullies me into thinking that he has to trust me so I should trust him. It's very twisted. He was the deceiver but because I am away from home he is forced to trust I am being faithful...BUT I AM!


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