# Sticking to your guns advice?



## ItsGonnabeAlright (Nov 19, 2012)

I have been having a lot of trouble in my marriage for the last several years due to excessive drinking on H's part and several incidents where he has ended up calling prostitutes, having phone sex, online sex ads, not coming home, lies lies lies... the works. If anyone cares, I wrote a post about it yesterday. 
Anyways, my question is how do you manage to stick to your decision to divorce? Last year I found an ad for a divorce seminar and I went. It cost $125 but there was a judge, a mediator, a lawyer, a shrink, etc there. It was very informative. I went alone but I noticed that some people attended with the spouse they were planning on divorcing.
How do people keep themselves from going back and forth between I want to divorce or not? I believe it is the best choice for me, and the only way to guarantee my husband doesn't walk all over me again. Of course things are not bad 24/7, How do people find the patience to stick to their guns and not say, well..he's been good for two months..maybe he has changed...? And those sort of thoughts.


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## Zimmy (Nov 19, 2012)

its not patience its strength and courage that allows people to to stick to their guns and leave.....if this choice is a rational, well thought out process, with sound reasons, then there should be no "back and forth".. but you need to ask yourself,... how many "one more chance", are you going to give him...please understand im not an advocate for divorce especially if children are involved, but i dont believe anyone should live with abuse of any kind.....


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> he has ended up calling prostitutes, having phone sex, online sex ads, not coming home, lies lies lies... the works





> Of course things are not bad 24/7, *How do people find the patience to stick to their guns* and not say, well..he's been good for two months..maybe he has changed...?


If I were you, I would tell myself, "Well, that was ONE MORE MONTH where I dodged a bullet. My husband has not yet given me a fatal disease." Then I would run like hell and file for divorce BEFORE he gave me AIDS (or even herpes or anything else).


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## ItsGonnabeAlright (Nov 19, 2012)

Zimmy said:


> its not patience its strength and courage that allows people to to stick to their guns and leave.....if this choice is a rational, well thought out process, with sound reasons, then there should be no "back and forth".. but you need to ask yourself,... how many "one more chance", are you going to give him...please understand im not an advocate for divorce especially if children are involved, but i dont believe anyone should live with abuse of any kind.....



There are zero children, which is another reason why I need to get out of here now. I saw what happened when I tried to have a child and he continued to call prostitutes and go crazy, I eventually had a miscarriage. And as the previous poster said, Im glad I dont have a disease too.


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

Create a picture of your ideal life and get excited that you will be able to make it real. Also, imagine yourself staying and look into the future in your mind and imagine what your life will be like 5 years from now. What pain will you have lived through? What regrets will you have for staying - what are all the great things you will have missed out on?
Stick with your plan and believe in yourself. Things will get easier and you will start to attract people into your life who are supportive and more on the wavelength of the real you. Look forward to great fun and happiness!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Maybe the best approach is to ask yourself what reasons there are to stay. Is this guy adding something positive to your life? Does he bring out the best in you? If the crap seriously hit the fan, would he be your rock?


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