# married no kids wife not in love and depression



## niceguyhelp (Jun 23, 2012)

My wife and I have been together since 21 years of age for 12 years (3 of them married) no children (now 32 and 33 years old). 
I have always treated her like a princess, plenty of money so no worries there, do most of the cooking and cleaning as we both work full time and always try to make her life easier – take her out for dinner etc. Took her travelling for the last 3 years to Thailand, Japan, Hong Kong, USA which we both loved. She also has a lower paying job than me which is not stressful.
She went through a stage of depression 6 months ago where she just wanted to sleep all the time and I thought it was her being lazy and admit that I was not helpful or supportive during that period. I felt like her doctor was just trying to drug her up with antidepressants after only a half hour visit, so my opinion was for her not to take them. She seemed to pull herself together and get out of the rut for a while and started seeing her friends regularly which I thought was healthy and helping.
Then it got to the stage where she was going out all the time. No time together. Within the last 4-5 months I asked why she was always leaving me at home and she told me the "I love you but am not in love with you" – more like best friends than lovers. 
He mother, my parents and friends can see that she has withdrawn from them over these last 4-5 months and she has admitted herself that she is still suffering from depression and feels like crying.
I encouraged her to go back to the doctor who this time put her on antidepressants but after the first week she was ill from taking them so after seeing a different doctor was told to stop taking them and see a counsellor.
After a recent discussion she has said that she needs space from me, wants to move out for 3 months and in that time get counselling. Does this sound like a good plan as I really love her?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

"I love you but am not in love with you" + going out all the time = she's probably cheating on you or about to.

And you're not helping by being Mr Nice Guy. That's likely what got you in this mess to begin with.


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## niceguyhelp (Jun 23, 2012)

Thanks for your opinion. I have confronted her about things such as emotional or physical attraction to anyone, even did a bit of snooping in her phone etc and she is not that technically savvy. No indication. After doing some checking on the net I know that is the first thing that many think of but think depression is playing a part in this. 
What do you suggest on the nice guy part?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

niceguyhelp said:


> Thanks for your opinion. I have confronted her about things such as emotional or physical attraction to anyone, even did a bit of snooping in her phone etc and she is not that technically savvy. No indication. After doing some checking on the net I know that is the first thing that many think of but think depression is playing a part in this.
> What do you suggest on the nice guy part?


Get a copy of Athol Kay's MMSL book and Robert Glover's NMMNG book.


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## niceguyhelp (Jun 23, 2012)

My wife and I have been together since 21 years of age for 12 years (3 of them married) no children (both 33 years old). 
In my previous post I explained that my wife had been diagnosed with depression. She also said I love you but not in love with you.

She moved out 3 months ago and although back then I thought there was no way she could be cheating I found out she had. She claims she never had sex but she did meet guys and registered on the dating sites. 
After being caught she deleted all her profiles and stopped texting other guys. I tapped into her phone without her knowledge and noticed that there were no txts for quite some time. I thought we maybe we were on the right path so decided to takes us away on holidays. While on holidays I checked if she had txt anyone and there was over 70 txts to a random guy she didn’t know who doesn’t even live in the same state as us.
I couldn’t believe it and we decided that it was time to separate and sell the house.
Since then we are still great friends she has started staying over (no sex) and keeping each other company, even sleep in the same bed. This is hard because we both need to move on but we still know that we still love each other (she still says things like one day I may look back realise I lost the best thing that ever happened to me – referring to when she gets over the depression).
She is very much confused about what to do, because she loves being with me but doesn’t want a sexual relationship.
I guess my questions are:
1.	Does the sex life die off? Do I just still like it because I am a guy?
2.	After 12 years together it is so hard for me to move on, especially when the person still says they love you. Should I just bite the bullet and have no contact? Sell up and move on?
3.	We talked about counselling, she had some separate sessions. The lady said she needs to get herself right before dealing with our issues. Should I request one final counselling session?


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