# My Wife of 2 1/2 yrs cheated on me! Please help!



## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

I've been with her for almost 12 yrs.. Dated for 7 yrs, engaged for 2, and married for 2 1/2yrs.. I am 31 she just turned 30. I found she was cheating on me 2 weeks after her 30th bday. 

On that fateful day we woke up together and the first thing we did was make love b/c we were trying to conceive our first child. As far as I knew everything was fine.. we were seeing fertility doctors and counting her cycles etc. 

I went upstairs to do something and she went to shower.. 

Long story short I popped in the washroom to give her a hug and kiss and let her know that I loved her.. as soon as I opened the door abruptly she looked very shaken up and said "oh my god you scared me" but was frantically looking at her phone and soon I came to find that she was deleting txt messages.. 

I asked her why she was acting so wierd and eventually grabbed the phone from her.. 

She then said "oh it's just a friend from work that I'm texting"..

The message said "Plus we'll be extra flexible".. she said "oh we just flirt like that..everyone does at work..

I was trying to look through the rest of any messages that were left but she was hell bent on getting the phone back..

Anyway she chased me around the house and eventually broke down and admitted to cheating on me with a 37 yr old coworker WHO IS ALSO MARRIED WITH 2 KIDS! She said these exact words... "He made me feel soo good and you made me feel like crap.. we were in his car after going for a coffee (which was in a Home Depot parking lot) ..we started making out and one thing led to another and we went into the back seat" 

I was shocked and devastated to say the least and the rest of our conversation didnt go well. 

She said it only happened once. Which I later found out was a lie. 

She eventually had to get her things and leave b/c she knew the damage was done.

She called me the next day and asked me "Are you ok? I'm sorry." her alpology didnt sound sincere AT ALL.. went on to saying "obviously things cant be fixed and I need to get the rest of my stuff etc." I asked her if she was planning to be with hm she said no. I eventually hung up the phone and we havent spoken since. 

I was literraly a mess... My whole world came crasing down all at once .. ALL of my dreams shattered.. the couple weeks have been the most painful mentally and physically (I probably feel I could have done some serious brain damage or even died how painful this is and was at the time) 

2 weeks later I needed more answers and got access to her email account where I came to find out the truth of her deception. 

I read emails of her telling him she loves him and how she wants a relationship with him "like they used to have".. other msgs say "our first couple of times you were so shy and reserved and now your like an animal!"... she was seeing him on valentines day after we split... there is so much more but itn is so hutful to read and realize that it wasnt only a one time thing. one msg even said "I never told him about the motel" when trying to get their story straight after finding out that my sister called his house and told his wife. 

Whats even more scary is the fact that she is on a first date with someone else and emailing this guy giving him details of whats happening on her date... wtf? 

I know that it is over but it seems like either I was soooo blind to have put her on a pedastle and ignored things. You see I've been working on starting my own business and I had a presentation that following week (which I had to cancel) I was paying most of the bills, even helped her pay off debts whiles we were trying to get life started togteher. I was preoccupied with doing positive things for US and really thought we were turning a corner this yr..Little did I know what she was actually up to. 

I mean our relationship was far from perfect, but I always felt that we would get through the rough patches.. She told me after IN AN EMAIL of what was wrong in our relationship etc. But never gave me a solid chance to fix things before all of this happened. 

I really in my heart feel that she was not planning to leave me but wanted to have her cake and eat it too, which is a devastating feeling b/c I never would have chalked her upto being someone like that. She lied about lying! 

Here is what I struggle with now: 

- Before this she was the love of my life and I really didn't see myself with anyone else, ever. (which explains why I got married to her - right?) 

- How can one moment you are together planning to have a family and conceive (literally trying and talking about it constantly) and the next you find out she is having an current affair of this magnitude. 

- How can a person who wants to have kids now cheat with a married person who has little babies - is that signs of a good mother to be?

- It's obvously over but I cant get her or these thoughts out of my head- I keep having visions of her doing stuff with someone else


- I feel like I've spent so many good yrs with this one person, had a huge wedding and only been in our NEW home for 1 yr and 1/2 and it feels impossble to have to start all over + I am scarred and which woman will want a guy that's already been married. How can I give the next girl the dream wedding I gave this fool? Would I ever be able to feel this same for someone else? 

You see I'm the type who when committed to someone or something, does whatever it takes to stay that way. I truly believed in the sacred vows we both took. Can I ever do this again? 

As you can see I am all over the place but we have been seperated for 7 weeks now and both retained lawyers. 

Any advice or feedback on her actions and what I should do? I still have trouble letting go of thoughts and feelings and find it difficult to have to treat her like she is dead. Considering how much she meant to me before all of this. 

PLEASE HELP!


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

First, Im sorry your here. 



Dino Bravo said:


> Any advice or feedback on her actions and what I should do?


RE: Advice...

Do you know what do you want ? 

What are your goals in all of this ?

RE: Feedback...

I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse, but based on what you've said your wife's actions are textbook. Nothing to do with you, this is not your fault. Take the time to read threads here, you'll find that your wife's actions and comments mirror "SOP" standard operating procedure for cheating spouses


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

I want to forget about her and move on with life (extremely hard right now) b/c I know there is no way I can reconcile with her after all of this. 

My goal is to become a better person and hopefully someday meet someone else. But I never thought I would ever have to.

What are your thought on her actions and if you can give me some advice it would be great!


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Don't have kids with her..It will be a mistake.
Sorry to say this. But this guy is likely not the first.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

What do you mean this guy is proabably not the first guy she cheated on me with? 

Why do you say that? Pls elaborate.


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## Starling (Feb 28, 2011)

You're right, those aren't the signs of a mother to be, they aren't even signs of a decent human being.



Dino Bravo said:


> - I feel like I've spent so many good yrs with this one person, had a huge wedding and only been in our NEW home for 1 yr and 1/2 and it feels impossble to have to start all over + I am scarred and which woman will want a guy that's already been married. How can I give the next girl the dream wedding I gave this fool? Would I ever be able to feel this same for someone else?
> 
> You see I'm the type who when committed to someone or something, does whatever it takes to stay that way. I truly believed in the sacred vows we both took. Can I ever do this again?


Understandable to think about, but counterproductive. You don't know what the future will bring, and frankly, it's irrelevant. What you need to focus on is you in your current state. Look to friends and family for support. Give yourself time. Do something enjoyable - even if you have to muster up all your motivation to do so. 

The wounds are fresh, so of course you are going to mourn her, the memory of what you two once shared. You don't have to get over this any time soon, so don't pressure yourself if you are not making as much headway as you'd prefer.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

Now that I think of it she used to mention this guys name here and there and I would ask "who is this guy" she would reply "just a friend from work".. she even mentioned before "this guy is obsessed with me!... when ever I questioned her she was shoot it down saying "come on he's 37 married with kids!".. As a married trusting man I gave her the benifit of the doubt...

I feel as if this was in my cards that even if I did press her she would just try and hide it better...

Also about the motel- she came home one night and said you know this lady from work told me she cheated on her husband and went to a motel with someone.. I said "what type of ppl do you work with" and of coarse fell asleep...

I figure her guilt made her tell me using someone else to get a reaction from me.. I feel soo dumb.


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## baldmale (Dec 29, 2010)

Sorry you're here man. I'm pretty sure, though, that all of us betrayed spouses were in the same boat as you before the discovery.

"This can't possibly be happening to me."

But, in fact, given the right (wrong) circumstances anyone is capable of being involved in an affair. You are not unique, and neither is your story. Unfortunately, I know that you still hurt. Deeply. And likely will for a long time.

You have decided it's over. So...let it go. You were not responsible for her actions. She chose to break the vows she made to you. One day (soon) she will have to deal with the emotional fall out from her own choices.

You, on the other hand, can move forward with your head held high. Continue to focus on yourself and become an even better version of yourself in the future. Eat well, sleep, exercise. Stop obsessing about your soon to be ex-wife. 

Before tackling a new relationship read some books on how to communicate better with your partner in an attempt to affair proof your next relationship. Seriously, learn how the dynamics of relationships really work.

It takes so much more than true love to stay together.

In the meantime...breathe in, breathe out. No one ever died of a broken heart. Hang in there.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Dino Bravo said:


> What do you mean this guy is proabably not the first guy she cheated on me with?
> 
> Why do you say that? Pls elaborate.


I would also venture to guess that she may have cheated before, based on her behavior now. To walk away and start dating again right away seems rather cold and indifferent. 

Regardless, I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time. When my husband stopped giving me the "trickle truth" of his affair, he finally revealed that he made-out with a co-worker 10 years ago. It was his past error that made it easier to cheat again, but this time he had sex with a co-worker. 

If my husband wouldn't have gotten caught, I'm sure it would've happened again. A cheater cheats for reasons that are all about them. Without therapy to help discover the reasons for infidelity, there isn't much chance the person will learn from their past behavior and know how to keep it from happening again.

I doubt hearing any of this helps much, but you still have plenty of years ahead of you. The type of woman you deserve will not let a previous marriage or the lack of a large wedding stop her from loving you. Those are not the things that determine the successfulness of a marriage.

Good luck and I wish you all the best in your recovery from this devastating experience.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

First off - sorry you're here. 

Secondly- like Pit asked - figure out what you want. If you want to try and save this then

Thirdly - get over to www.Affaircare.com and/or www.marriagebuilders.com and read all you can about killing the affairs. 

Fourth - you should have enough ammo to expose far and wide to OM #1 (37 yr old married piece of crap) his wife, family, work - I assume your wife works at the same place. Expose to her family - parents, siblings, cousins everyone. Expose at her work. Bosses and HR especially. Might be that they were using company time to play???
Expose to your side of the family. Everyone. 

Now - why am I asking you to expose??? Exposure has a very good chance to stop they affairs in their tracks. If the affairs are so good and make wife and OM happy then why not tell the world!!!

Get Surviving An Affair by Willard F. Harley. Read it - these steps will be there. 

Is she a sex addict or is there some other factor like attention she is not getting from you? 

Lastly - work on what YOU need to stay sane. I'd be growing a set about 7 weeks ago when you found out. The OM - piece of crap other man would have been trembling in his tightey whities right away. I'm betting his wife has no clue about this. Make his life a living hell! Don't know what you're going to be about the newest date boy. Man up dude! She's not respecting you or her vows. Fight it!!!


Or just lawyer up and split from her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stone_Dagger (Mar 4, 2011)

First im Sorry this happened to you man.
Second Can you imagine sleeping with this woman after she admitted to letting another man enter her!?!
Here is my BLUNT, HONEST TRUTH...

CUT YOUR LOSES!
You have NO Children!
Nothing Links you but the Financial Bond.
Get that Tramp to admit she cheated and had a Physical affair on Tape!
FILE FOR DIVORCE!
Kick That Tramp out!
and last but not least...
F*CK THAT B*TCH!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

She is a lying cheat and doesn't love you.

As painful as this is for you, she at least is not pregnant. Right?

Move on.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

It looks very much like you were just being used Dino.

View her as the enemy and go into self protection mode. You can't trust anything she says and if giving the opportunity she will steal the shirt off your back. 

I'm angry for you and you need to get angry yourself, REAL ANGRY. She has disrespected you and used you are a doormat because she doesn't think you're a man. 

If I were in your shoes, I would start dating (even if you don't want to, just go get coffee with strange women but DON'T talk about your ex) and ignore your ex. Communicate only through a third party and don't accept any calls or txt. Don't let her see or hear from you.

Once she sees you are strong enough to move on she will doubt herself and karma will bite her on the ass. If you can find your happy place again you will end up on top and much better off than her. She'll regret this the minute she realizes you no longer care about her or the marriage anymore. 

Go full steam towards the divorce and if anything, push to get it over as quickly as possible. It will bother her that you want the divorce more than her.

The person that cares the least about the relationship, controls it. Turn the tables on her.

The goal isn't to get her back (which this works for some) but to get her to regret how she treated you so you'll have some peace and some of you self esteem back. She will regret this if she finds out you are just fine without her and even happy she is gone. Just because she doesn't want you doesn't mean she wants you to run off and find someone better. It WILL bother her if she knew you started seeing someone else.

Good luck and know in a year or so from now you'll be pass this and wonder what all the fuss was about.


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## Wolf359 (Jun 10, 2010)

she is sick in the head, run run away fast as you can. does she a a real family ?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dino,
What she did is show you how bad her moral compass is. She couldn't even wait for the seven years iche. You haven't given her years of neglect, or taken her for granted for years. Its only been 2-1/2 years you guys are so new to the marriage game and she's off cheating....well let me just say, its not you its her, some were down the line she saw it was ok to be deceitful as long as the other person doesn't know and she is happy. Some were down the line, when she was young someone showed her that her happiness was above all else and others didn't matter.

Its only been a few years and she step out. At least my wife waited 7 years and could pull the neglect card. What kind of card can she play for treating you this way.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

PLEASE tell me you told this guys wife. 

Just FYI, your marriage is shot. why? because you been with her from 18 yo, and now she is making up for her lost time. I couldnt count how many people i was with between 18-22 if i had YOUR fingers and toes.. and it is part of our sexual identity. 

Not all people do this, even if with someone since highschool. but when they do.. it ends up being : thighs open in the back seat at a home depot parking lot. Believe me, it is worse than that too, it always is.

Tell me you told his wife. Hell, if you dont, i will. I am all about forgiveness brother, but this time let God do the forgiving and you do the running.


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## FLIPPER1966 (Mar 13, 2011)

YEP SORRY YOUR ON HERE TOO. SOUNDS LIKE SHE JUST MET A NICE GUY WHO SHE COULD USE. YA SHE USED YOU. BACK HEN SHE WAS A TEEN GROWING UP SHE PROBABLY DATED ALOT OF JERKS AND ANYONE THATS A NICE GUY SOMETIMES WINDS UP WITH ONE OF THESE TYPE WOMEN. PROBABLY IF YOU WERE TO THINK ON THINGS YOU MIGHT HAVE RECALLED HER ACTING PECULIAR AT TIMES EVEN DURING YOUR 1ST 7 YEARS , MAYBE EVEN DURING THE 2 YR COURTSHIP (ENGAGEMEMNT) 
YOU SAID AND I QUOTE :"Long story short I popped in the washroom to give her a hug and kiss and let her know that I loved her.. as soon as I opened the door abruptly she looked very shaken up and said "oh my god you scared me" but was frantically looking at her phone and soon I came to find that she was deleting txt messages.. 

I asked her why she was acting so wierd and eventually grabbed the phone from her.. 

She then said "oh it's just a friend from work that I'm texting"..

The message said "Plus we'll be extra flexible".. she said "oh we just flirt like that..everyone does at work..

I was trying to look through the rest of any messages that were left but she was hell bent on getting the phone back..

Anyway she chased me around the house and eventually broke down and admitted to cheating on me with a 37 yr old coworker WHO IS ALSO MARRIED WITH 2 KIDS! She said these exact words... "He made me feel soo good and you made me feel like crap.. we were in his car after going for a coffee (which was in a Home Depot parking lot) ..we started making out and one thing led to another and we went into the back seat"
DAH SHE LIED QUOTE:"She said it only happened once. Which I later found out was a lie WHICH IS WHEN YOU FOUND, QUOTE:"I read emails of her telling him she loves him and how she wants a relationship with him "like they used to have".. other msgs say "our first couple of times you were so shy and reserved and now your like an animal!"... she was seeing him on valentines day after we split... there is so much more but itn is so hutful to read and realize that it wasnt only a one time thing. one msg even said "I never told him about the motel" when trying to get their story straight after finding out that my sister called his house and told his wife." 

SHE'S DONE NOTHING HERE TO INSTILL CONFIDENCE IN WHAT SHE SAYS OR DOES. SHE'S EVENDENTALLY SNUCK OFF TO HAVE SOME NOOKY WITH THIS GUY IN A MOTEL . WHICH I CAN ONLY RESON THAT YOUR SISTER MUST HAVE SEEN THEM TO WERE SHE WOULD CALL AND TELL HIS WIFE. I'M WONDERING NOW WHY OR WHEN YOUR SISTER TOLD YOU THIS INFO SHORTLY AFTER IT HAPPENING (THE MOTEL THING THAT YOUR WIFE NEVER MENTIONED) OR AFTER SHE FOUND OUT THAT YOU KNEW AND YOUR WIFE LEFT. I'M QUESSING THE LATTER HERE BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T HAD TO HAVE SAID ANYTHING IF YOU KNEW ABOUT IT WHICH I'M ASSUMMING AT THE TIME YOU DIDN'T.
SEE THATS THE SOP OF A USER JERK WOMEN YOU WERE SO BUSY TRYING TO GET YOUR BUSINESS STARTED AND IF SHE HAD OR HAS A PAST OF CHEATING ITS EASY. WHY ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE STARTLED HER IN THE BATHROOM WITH THE CELL PHONE THING. 
IF IT WAS ONLY FRIENDLY FLIRTING THING WHY BOTHER TO ERASE IT (DELETING THE MSGS) THERE WERE EVEIDENTLY QUITE A FEW IF SHE WAS IN THE MIST OF DELETING THEM AND STILL MORE LEFT THAT YOU FOUND. QUOTE YOU SAID: "Now that I think of it she used to mention this guys name here and there and I would ask "who is this guy" she would reply "just a friend from work".. she even mentioned before "this guy is obsessed with me!... when ever I questioned her she was shoot it down saying "come on he's 37 married with kids!".. As a married trusting man I gave her the benifit of the doubt..."
THE REASON I BRING ALL THIS UP IS THERES AN OLD SAY ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER (90%) OF THE TIME THIS IS TRUE . SHE MAY HAVE DATED OR HAD BF BEFORE YOU WHICH SHE MET YOU WHEN SHE WAS ABOUT 27 OR 28 WHICH IS ABOUT THE TIME THAT SOME WOMEN GET THEIR HEADS SCREWED ON RIGHT AND REALIZE THAT THE NICE GUYS (WHICH YOUR EVEIDENTLY ONE SEEING SHE'S DONE THIS TO YOU) THAT JERKS ARE NOT GOOD FOR THEM . SO SHE SETTLED FOR YOU. WHICH IN MY OPINION AT TIMES SHOULD BE A RED FLAG FOR MOST GUYS (NOT NECESSARILY ALL THE TIME) BUT AT TIMES GUYS LIKE YOU /ME / AND OTHERS LIKE US FEEL THAT THATS JUST IT WE WERE SETTLED FOR AS LAST RESORTS. BEING YOU STARTED DATING THIS GIRL WHEN SHE WAS 27 OR 28 AND YOU A YEAR OLDER ,I CAN ONLY ASSUMME THAT YOUR DATING LIFE WAS MINIMAL AT BEST AND IF YOU WOUND UP ANYTHING AT ALL IT WAS AS A FRIEND TO THE GIRL . AS SAYING I'M DOING ALOT OF ASSUMMING HERE BUT WHAT YOUR TELLING US FITS THE MOLD.SHE WAS USED TO DOING THIS AND AS THE OTHER POSTER STATED WAS PROBABLY DOING IT ALL THE WHILE . 
DON'T GET BACK WITH HER OR HAVE ANY KIDS WITH HER MATTER OF FACT HAVE NO PHYSICAL CONTACT AT ALL BECAUSE IT HAS HAPPENED THAT SOME HAVE SUED FOR CHILD SUPPORT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR THAT TO HAVE HAPPENED SAY 10 TO 12 MONTHS OF SEPERATION. BELIEVE ME THERE ARE WOMEN OUT THERE DIEING TO MEET A MAN SUCH AS YOUR SELF THAT MAY HAVE BEEN MARRIED BEFORE IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. DON'T LET THIS GAL GET ANYTHING TO CONTROL YOU WITH AS ANOTHER POSTER PUT IT TURN THE TABLES AND START DATING EVEN IF YOU BELIEVE YOU MAY NOT WANT TO. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN WHAT YOU GOT FROM THIS WOMAN. 
ALL I CAN SAY IS I HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU FIND THAT SOMETHING SPECIAL SOON TO RAISE YOUR SPIRITS AND YOUR CONFIDENCE AGAIN. SO THAT YOU CAN TRUST AGAIN . BECAUSE WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS MAKES YOU THINK ABOUT TRUST ISSUES WITH ANYBODY EVER AGAIN. BUT IT CAN AND DOES HAPPEN FOR THE GOOD WHEN YOU MEET THE RIGHT GIRL.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I'm also sorry that you are here with this very sad story.

I agree the others that this is probably far beyond repair. She does seem like a serial cheater and liar. I also agree that this is likely not the first time. I'm not an expert on this 'fog' concept (read about in other posts) but I think it's when they themselves don't really even have a grip on the truth and reality and lies blur in their heads. This is how she is. Everything seems so muddled in her head that you'll never know how many c***s she's had in her since you met or the real truth about what she's done. Sorry to be so harsh and graphic but you really need to face up to the truth and not be tempted to sugar coat it.

That being said, we in society dress our women up in beautiful white wedding dresses that cost $1000s and long to have a 'perfect' wedding day. Everything is centered around the perfect virginal wife. Frilly wedding gifts are given to create the 'perfect' house for the young couple. You are wise to identify that you put her up on a pedestal. 

Sadly, however, the little incident in the Home Depot parking lot is closer to real life than a $30k perfect virginal white wedding. Women like sex too and sometimes they get weak and spread their legs when they shouldn't. And that c*** banging up in your wife is like a sword slaying in and out in your heart. and the thought of it makes you physically ill i'm sure. Sadly this is life and you, my friend, have learned the hard way. i learned this lesson early in life with my first love....a great girl but succumbed to weakness in desire for another c***. I don't mean to imply that men aren't also weak...we certainly are and often succumb even easier than women do.


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

Time will help. Try to replace spinning your wheels on what went wrong into what you're going to do to get on with your life. Take care of yourself. Find some stress outlets.

Being naive and taken advantage of is never fun. But you'll have your eyes wide open next time. There are plenty of fish in the sea and they won't all need some "dream wedding". 

When the ex sees how well you are doing and tries to weedle her way back into your heart, be strong buddy and remember the lies.

Yay for the sister that called the other man's wife. *snickers*


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## justsam (Mar 14, 2011)

Cut your losses and forget about her, man. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

wolf359 said:


> she is sick in the head, run run away fast as you can. does she a a real family ?



She does have a real family and just so you know WE (Her and I) discovered her mom was having an affair WHEN WE WERE ENGAGED AND 1YR BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED!

She even made me follow the guy

I always thought she would never do something like this seeing how devastated her father was and became an acholoholic. 

Lookig back ar the behaviour of her immediate and extended family, most of them had affairs at one point or another, from what I understand. 

My family is not impressed that I kept all of this info to myself prior to getting married. My dad said these are huge red flags. 

The apple not falling far from the tree and all...
:scratchhead:


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Dino Bravo said:


> She does have a real family and just so you know WE (Her and I) discovered her mom was having an affair WHEN WE WERE ENGAGED AND 1YR BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED!
> 
> She even made me follow the guy
> 
> ...


Please tell me you posted that from a a bungalo in the bahamas. I hope youare already far away from her madness.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> Please tell me you posted that from a a bungalo in the bahamas. I hope youare already far away from her madness.



We'll we are sperated.. haven't seen her since I booted her out of the house.. 

Now I 'm left picking up the peices of what's left of me and have to deal with selling the house etc. 

My biggest problem is getting over the level of betrayal and how much time, energy and yrs I spent invested into the relationship/... I mean we were just starting out. 

Now I have to start all over.. before alll this I thoght she was the one for me.. and that we would have a happy life and start a family. 

I am still distraught by this..

But please tell me there is a silver lining someone in all of this.. perhaps its a blessing in disguise. 

I know I'm still young but I really believed you only marry once.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

So what do I do?  I am working on the divorce...but

I feel so lost!


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

Dive into something that is all consuming and fun for you to beat the stress. I know you're dissapointed and had other expectations for life, but you'll be able to pick a better mate next time. You learned something from it all. Not fun but you learned. You'll be okay in time.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

You booted her out?
WooHoo!!!!


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## justsam (Mar 14, 2011)

I feel for you bud:

"For you to go and take this
And smash it apart
I’ve gone all this ****ing way
To wind up back at…back at the star"- Trent Reznor


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## Andrew2011 (Feb 17, 2011)

I'm with you DB! (In both senses -- I'm suffering almost the same awful situation.)

All the best to you. The people on this site are fantastic. Ask them anything.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Running around like a harlot after only 30 months married is piss-poor.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Here's a practical plan to get this through this:

1 Accept that you're going to feel bad for some time. It's not fast, or easy to get over a long term relationship

2. Try to accept that she cheated due to her own personal defects (unwillingness to communicate, thrill seeking, boredom, whatever.) That is HER thing to own. Yes you could have done things differently, but so could she.)

3. Regular exercise. If you aren't doing in now, hit the gym, join a team, do drop in sports. SOMETHING. Exercise helps equalize your emotions. This is important.

4. Reconnect with friends, or find new friends. Many of us in relationships let our male friendships fade, you need some guy time. 

5. Don't be afraid to flirt with other women, date if you want, or just see what's out there. The advice is often to work on yourself before dating, but practically speaking, it's way easier to get over a relationship if you're getting some attention from another woman. Just be honest about your emotional state and don't transfer neediness. Your game is probably pretty weak given the long relationship and it takes time to figure out dating again. There is no harm in testing the waters.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

A few other things, if you are entertaining trying to win her back, there is a specific process that's advocated by AffairCare on this site. There are a number of threads you can find that on. 

Word of caution - you have been married a short time, after a long engagement, meaning the marriage may have been an attempt at putting life back into the relationship without you even realizing it.

You have no kids, and you're in prime dating age. The work to rebuild after infidelity is enormous. Many people wouldn't have put in the effort if they didn't have kids.

You have a bright future ahead, heartbreak is ultimately temporary.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm sorry you're going through this.

But God smiled upon you by not letting you have kids with that succubus.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dino, did you tell the OM's wife? If you didn't, please do so today. He has a right to know what is going on.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Dino, did you tell the OM's wife? If you didn't, please do so today. He has a right to know what is going on.


My sister called and told the OM wife...also when I found emails after we split I forwarded them to her as well.

I am just so friggin hurt and feel so lost.. We only been in our brand new house for a year and I thought 2011 would be bring positive changes..

Oh did I mention that she now works for another company right next door to him??!! Do you know how that makes me feel!??

I feel as if I wasted so much of my life thus far- I really believed in US but know that if she would do this now, only 30months into marriage, what will happen if there are kids and things start to get rough?? 

What a *****. My life and her!


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

So over the weekend I receive a msg from her while she was on a date.. music playing in the background and her telling this guy she has been talking to a few guys and he is the second guy she is going out with.. 

Dont see how her phone could have accidentally called me since she got a new one since we split.

I feel she is trying to raise emotions out of me perhaps to get me to show that I still care by calling her or something.. or just trying to really hurt me. 

I havent spoke to her since the day we seperated and I am trying to understand why she would do something like this considering all she has put me through already. 


Anyone?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ouch. That is harsh.

Either she did it intentionally to hurt you (cold as ice) or she misdialed you and would prob be embarassed to know you know the truth.

Well either way, it clued you into where she is currently at in her head.

Keep up the no contact. Focus on yourself. Don't reach out to her. Keep doing you!


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Ouch. That is harsh.
> 
> Either she did it intentionally to hurt you (cold as ice) or she misdialed you and would prob be embarassed to know you know the truth.
> 
> ...



Im pretty sure it was intentional...cause she has a new cell and no reason to unintentionally dial me since she hasnt called me since we split. How can she mistakenlly do this.. just seems so planned it only showed up as a voicemail .. so I guess I AM BETTER OFF without someone like that in my life now or in the future. I wouldnt put it past her to do something so heartless like this anyways..


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

Do you think she is doing this to maybe see if I would freak out - Rason I ask is cause I probably would have in the past.. but now considering what she has done.. I am heatbroken, lost and trying to pick up pieces of me. 

For her to do this is very hurtful and people tell me it should make it easier for me to say F*cK HER.. 

But it still hurts.. I am human.. not sure if she is.. 

I FELL DEPRESSED THAT I MARRIED HER ..I gave her every part of me.. I had dreams of sharing a life with her..


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No way of getting in her head and knowing if she did it intentionally or not.

Either way, you know what the score is with her currently. You deserve better. If she isn't willing to work on things with you, move on. 

Of course it hurts. It's painful. But you will be fine. Promise.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Despite how crappy as she has been towards you, I think she "butt-dialed" you on her cell phone.

Consider yourself lucky that you have no children and you can cut loose a working spouse. Alimony will not be a big factor either.

Get checked for STDs and move on.

You deserve better than what she offered you.


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## Dino Bravo (Mar 10, 2011)

michzz said:


> Despite how crappy as she has been towards you, I think she "butt-dialed" you on her cell phone.
> 
> Consider yourself lucky that you have no children and you can cut loose a working spouse. Alimony will not be a big factor either.
> 
> ...


I appreciate the feeback but in all honesty, I heard her voice clearly even over loud music (slow jams).. So how could she have butt dialed me. I'm pretty sure she deliberatly did this to hurt me. What a devious ...

The hurtful part is knowing that she could care less about how much she has hurt me through all of this.. I am still hurt cause I was so faithful to her and our relationship.. In a matter of weeks she's telling the OM she loves him etc. and weeeks after dating other guys...I hear her giggling on the phone when speking with him.. 

fu*king traitor.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your wife is trying manipulate you, and possibly make you jealous----she is a real piece of work

If she wanted the mge---she should have been doing everything possible to get you back--showing heavy remorse, and being very contrite---instead she is dating all kinds of guys, and rubbing it in your face

There should be no problem anymore mentally about you moving on---she is treating you like crap---and you need to be done with her

Don't be scared about the big wide world---you will be fine


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## Scutari (Oct 21, 2012)

Whats happened later? Anyone knows about thİs?


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Dino Bravo said:


> I appreciate the feeback but in all honesty, I heard her voice clearly even over loud music (slow jams).. So how could she have butt dialed me. I'm pretty sure she deliberatly did this to hurt me. What a devious ...
> 
> The hurtful part is knowing that she could care less about how much she has hurt me through all of this.. I am still hurt cause I was so faithful to her and our relationship.. In a matter of weeks she's telling the OM she loves him etc. and weeeks after dating other guys...I hear her giggling on the phone when speking with him..
> 
> fu*king traitor.


It is a man's world. Hate to say it to the ladies here. She will be able to out date you and can HO is up. The truth of the matter is there are far more good women than there are good men. 

You will be able to find a new relationship better than she will. It will take you longer to find one but you will. 

She will waste time chasing the OM who will not leave his wife. She will act like a college girl for a few years. One day she will look in the mirror and then want a more stable life. By then the picking will be very slim and she will settle for someone far less than you. She then will hit her 40's and do it again.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Some people deserve worse than death. 

This woman is one of them.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

Dino Bravo said:


> I am scarred and which woman will want a guy that's already been married. How can I give the next girl the dream wedding I gave this fool? Would I ever be able to feel this same for someone else?


About 50 million of them but the bad news only about 10,000 or so within a two mile radius of most city blocks. 

You don't have to give the next girl the dream wedding and probably won't expect it.

Yes! When you get out there and date several chicks, she won't even cross your mind. You believed you'd love her forever. Now that forever's over, she'll become a distant memory. Besides that, she would have made a wonderful role model for the kids you were planning.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Dino Bravo said:


> I am scarred and which woman will want a guy that's already been married. How can I give the next girl the dream wedding I gave this fool? Would I ever be able to feel this same for someone else?


I'm 31 years old. My wife and I were together for 11 years. Last year I found out she cheated on me. After the divorce I was afraid no one would ever want me again. Who would want to date a divorced marriage counselor and preacher? 

In the past two months I've started to date a lovely little kickboxing girl with lovely assets. She's 21. She's in love with me, and I with her. 

And it's nothing like my relationship with my ex. I was worried it wouldn't be as good. But it's not about better or worse. That's the wrong gauge. 

It's like comparing Medical Transcription to Farming. It's different. And that's a good thing. When I moved down to Florida I was shocked at how many women wanted to be with me. I was propositioned by five college girls in the span of a month. But one lucky girl has won my affections, and she knows my wounds and loves me with them, for them. 

You had better believe that a better life lies in wait for you. 

But you probably won't believe it until you start experiencing it. But that's okay, because the dawning of realization will be extremely fun for you.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

FOLKS!!!! The OP hasn't posted in over 7 months! This is a zombie thread! The OP is long gone!!!


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

He was on the other day. 
He started some new threads.
click on his name and find other post by Dino.
He was dating a new chick, but is back posting.


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