# Our old dreams died. What's your new dreams?



## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

For those of us that are sure we are divorcing:

So now that your old dreams have died or been ripped from you what are your new dreams/goals? It's important to set new goals in order to heal...

Mine: Buy my own house with acreage with an attached two car garage and a detached man sized two-three car garage/shop complete with a kegerator, couch, TV, and fridge to work on cars and motorcycles and do kicka$$ restorations/mods and stuff. Pink Floyd and nudie girl posters on the wall in the living room just cause, huge stereo with speakers piped to the garage(s) and screened in back porch with gas fire pit. Install a Stripper pole in the master bedroom because I can. :lol: Buy a drumset and guitar and learn how to actually use them. Get a couple of servers to store 2000 ripped movies on and a boxee-box to catalog it all automatically and display it on a 80" flatscreen. Buy that Z-Car convertable I've always wanted.

Have friends over for steak like everyday.
Do as many chicky-chicks as possible keeping panties for a "wall of shame" that is displayed proudly on one wall in the garage to really show off what a man-hoe I've become. :rofl:

So...whats yours?


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## Meatpuppet (Jan 2, 2012)

In order of priority:

1) Rebuild myself spiritually and emotionally; strengthen my walk with God 

2) Take an honest assessment of myself, take note of the flaws in my personality that contributed to my situation, and fix them. 

3) Get it shape physically and financially. Goals: 180 lbs. by July, debt-free and $10k in the bank by December. 

4) ???

5) Find love or learn to be content without it (I only have to wait till Dec 2012 amirite?)

6) Figure out a way to start watching Breaking Bad again (it was our favorite show to watch together; thought of watching it again makes me ill )


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I have none anymore.


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## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

It depends on my mood. Some days I feel there is nothing in life to look forward to anymore, so hard to even climb out of bed. Some days I feel good and motivated.
My new dreams :

1. more studies
2. build a career
3. travel
4. healthier lifestyle
5. fall in love and endless good sex with The One


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## Cowboy (Dec 19, 2011)

My goal is to do whatever the f*ck I want to. Because I can :smthumbup:

But seriously...

1. Rebuild confidence and self-esteem
2. Finish MBA
3. Continue building career
4. Meet lots of new people not just women
5. Find the one (the right one this time)


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## coffee shop (Jun 6, 2011)

1. get debt free like before this marriage
2. get a place of my own
3. re-connect with family & friends
4. learn more about being happy and independent


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Hey coffee shop? Didn't we use to talk movies? I am still at the movies, where I ran away to! 

I'm living my dream. I am at school studying literature and writing. I still telecommute for my old clients who took me back when I was sick and all stressed out and couldn't work, and their project work now dovetails with mine. I'm doing statistics about the semantics of language, which really ties in with trends in comparative literature studies. I'm still going to dance classes and learning new moves but get out dancing a lot more socially and it's fun. I've been doing a LOT of writing. I traded down my car and my carbon footprint is much lower since I can walk or ride a bike to campus on a scenic path by a river. My kids school is adjacent to my campus. I started a blog for some of my writing and it's picking up traffic through networking. I'm planning to take a trip to Cuba this spring. I started going to Quaker Meeting, something I wanted to do for a long time. It suits me a lot. 

Today I went to my school's writing center to get feedback on my work and had a nice session and it was really difficult to believe that I am not imagining this. 

I've really cut my expenses but my life is much more fulfilling than it was. I have meaningful work now and will also have meaningful work in the summer that I can bike to. 

My pets are doing real well. We have a common yard with a garden and a fire pit, clotheline, and a lot of outdoor trails and paths here. 

I figure if my stbxh rescinds the benefits he gave me (he said he has no 'intention' of doing that...) I have some scholarship monies of my own and am so well established here with manageable lifestyle that I can just increase my work a bit and decrease my studies a bit and continue on not too shabbily.

It is really amazing. Today I took my messenger bag over my parka with my manuscript in it, got up from my workstation and went to my writing consultancy appt, 1/2 mile along the river through the snow. Then I walked over to the school to get my kids and walked home with them. I hardly have any housework at all.

I spent a lot of time after finding about my husband's deceit, volunteering and going to therapy, and now it is paying off for me. People in this town are very nice. I also go in and out of the movie theater and there are many new faces there now, so I am 'old' and know the ropes. I get to see a lot of movies and cultural events. It does kind of solve the social crisis every once in a while when I need to get out, there is usually some work and/or a movie.

I think my dream is to write, which will be easy because I am already doing it, and getting used to publicizing. I also wrote an interactive essay that will be used in teaching a class this coming semester, so my hope is that I can take it to where I went to graduate school in health care quality and policy and pilot it there, too, then have it used for CME's in a digitized, on-line format, which might be possible through one of the places where I used to do contract work for quality care improvement/malpractice risk reduction. 

So, just in a few months I have seen a huge transformation in my life. And that was with my H being here trying to reconcile with me. I did put time into the relationship but I made sure I did not always put myself second or try to run circles around things to always be around if I really had something I needed to do for work or school. I spent a lot of time with him - lunches, dinners, weekends... and he was still the same. It was easy when he started cycling through weird behavior again and then him threatening divorce to just say, okay, so you have a house, go to it. 

I developed some rules of play for life:

1. Invite others to be in your dream.
2. Don't become part of anyone else's nightmare.

Now if we could all follow those rules, right?

Pretty much goal wise my goal is to be more intuitive and go with that. My kids told me I am much happier since my stbxh left, and they are too. They had these deployment dolls where they were like GI's and there was a plastic sleeve to hold a photo of your deployed soldier. My kids were cleaning today and they decided to throw theirs away. It was kind of weird to see those things in the kitchen trash but I asked them about it, whether they felt like someone had died, because he was here one day and just gone the next and they said they were happy that he was gone. I guess they had talked about it among themselves. Right after he went back to his own house from our apartment where we moved, they threw away their deployment photo albums. I had never said anything to them about that. But they didn't want to see him again, in person or photos, because of what he did. And that nonsense with the crazy lady scared them. I put on my divorce request that their stepfather not have contact with them, as that is their request. He had said he would try through their father. 

Anyway, there are a few things that could unravel and cause my dream to need some mending job every once in a while. But I think that's normal in any life. A dream takes maintenance and persistence and nurturing and some sweat equity to come true. It doesn't just happen, although when it does, we like to pretend that it has!


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

I'm not at the divorce stage yet, but couldn't resist joining in. My list:


Rebuild my core strength and emotional base.
Continue to lose weight and get in shape.
Set and meet financial goals.
Get a new place to live.
Eventually find an emotionally mature woman, feel a real mutual connection, and wake up smiling next to her every morning.
If #5 fails, get kidnapped by a bunch of female lingerie models and... well, you know.

Ah heck, can I just skip to #6?


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