# What can I do??? Or is it too late???



## fixmymarriage

He is the story.. I'll try too keep it short and to the point..

I have been married for 9 1/2 years and I have lied to my wife the entire marriage. Mostly about smoking (cigarettes) but also about gambeling lately, as well as looking at porn on the internet. 

The smoking lie has been our whole marriage. The porn, well she has only caught me a coulple of times and it's been about 2 years(that she know of). I don't look at it all the time, just every once and a while. She thinks it is disgusting. That I would do that. The gambeling has been for a bout three years and when she found out (about the gambeling) back in March, all hell broke loose. She kicked me out of the house. Tranfered my check to go into her account and now I have to ask her for gas money and that's about all I get. 

I'm in the military and I make most of the money. I let her take it without a fight. I did force my way back into the house after a couple of months. She gives me hell everyday. She doesn't even wear her ring anymore. I am seeing a counselor and she is seeing her own. I have been good for the most part haven't been gambeling and almost qiut smoking and don't look up any more porn. she thinks I have already quit smoking though. 

I finally got her to see a counselor together. We have only been twice and it looks like it will be rough. We got in an argument after the last session. And I think I truly understand how much I've hurt her. I read other posts about addiction and I am a saint compaired to some of them. But she belives that I don't have any morals or values. She thinks that my soul is corrupt. She doesn't know if I can change myself that way. She says she wants to try to work on it and wants to trust me again, but I don't see her letting up on the anger and resentment. I DO agree she should be angry, but it's been 5 + months and it seems like her anger is getting worse. 

I am thinking of moving out of the house again, taking some money to live on, but we have two daughters (7 & 8) that I don't want to be a way from. I don't know what to do. I don't think she will ever change her perception of me. I don't think she will ever be happy with me ever again. 

Any advice will be great.


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## golfergirl

There's no such thing as 'a little bit of a lie'. It's either the truth or it isn't. You've 'almost' quit smoking means you're STILL smoking.
Problem with little stupid lies means that she has in back of her head what else can you lie about? Cheating?
How much financial damage did you do with gambling before discovered?
She's not trusting you and you don't seem to get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fixmymarriage

How much financial damage did you do with gambling before discovered?
We have always lived paycheck to paycheck. I emptied the back account on payday and that's when she found out.


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## golfergirl

fixmymarriage said:


> How much financial damage did you do with gambling before discovered?
> We have always lived paycheck to paycheck. I emptied the back account on payday and that's when she found out.


Other than her controlling all money - what has happened with the gambling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fixmymarriage

I haven't been, but ther is no trust b/c I have no money. She doesn't seem to want to start at all.


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## golfergirl

fixmymarriage said:


> I haven't been, but ther is no trust b/c I have no money. She doesn't seem to want to start at all.


Are you a gambling addict? Truth. If you had access to the money again, would you gamble?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fixmymarriage

Me and my counselor dont think I have a problem. My wife thinks I do b/c I have and Addictve personality. 
If I had money I don't think I would. I started playing poker for fun with friends. But I tried to fix our financial problems by going to the casino, but that's what made it worse.


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## golfergirl

fixmymarriage said:


> Me and my counselor dont think I have a problem. My wife thinks I do b/c I have and Addictve personality.
> If I had money I don't think I would. I started playing poker for fun with friends. But I tried to fix our financial problems by going to the casino, but that's what made it worse.


Can you, wife and counselor meet together and come up with a game plan to build trust while protecting your wife's fear about all money disappearing? As a mom, I'd freak with no money to feed kids due to a 'mistake'.
And come clean on the smoking - non-smokers can smell you a block away - she probably knows and sees it as another reason to not trust.
responsibility, remorse, repair - that's what it takes for forgiveness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fixmymarriage

I hope we can. 
Thanks for the advice.


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