# Mediation



## Supermom24 (10 mo ago)

Has anyone done mediation? Pros/ cons? My soon to ex and I agree on most things. Just curious how this process works. We don’t really want to get lawyers involved, we want to be as civil as possible.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Your ex (from your story and last thread) is a **** head so I would not worry about him in any way. If you do not get a very fair (if not more than fair) deal then go to war with him, Its clear that you do not agree on the fundamental things that says you should be civil with him. Mediation will try and get you to agree to something along with your soon to be ex. Do not accept it if it does not pass the sniff test. If it is something trivial then fine as mediation will avoid larger legal costs.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Supermom24 said:


> We don’t really want to get lawyers involved, we want to be as civil as possible.


Then mediation is for you. You meet with a neutral who helps you hammer out details to come to an agreement. If everyone can be civil it's an inexpensive Godsend. It's ineffective if somebody is entrenched.


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## Supermom24 (10 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> Your ex (from your story and last thread) is a **** head so I would not worry about him in any way. If you do not get a very fair (if not more than fair) deal then go to war with him, Its clear that you do not agree on the fundamental things that says you should be civil with him. Mediation will try and get you to agree to something along with your soon to be ex. Do not accept it if it does not pass the sniff test. If it is something trivial then fine as mediation will avoid larger legal costs.


That is what I'm thinking. Trust me I'm not worrying about him. He is an Idiot. I told him yesterday that I want the house for the boys. To try to keep things somewhat normal for them and keep them in there school. He was like I want that too but I need money. I barely make enough to rent an apartment, I will end up living with my parents forever. I wanted to scream well ya, you did this to yourself! But I was calm. I have a feeling his mom and the other girl aka ho is convincing him to get money. Knowing him he would spend the money on the girl or drugs. If we can't agree than I already talked to a lawyer. I probably should talk to at least two more so I can get an idea. I just don't know what a fair price would be to negotiate for the house. Houses in our neighborhood are going for 430,000. But houses now are way over price, not sure how long that will last. We bought our home 6 years ago for 300,000 we owe 150,000. I was thinking of maybe refinancing the home and give him $50,000 but is that too low balling?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Supermom24 said:


> That is what I'm thinking. Trust me I'm not worrying about him. He is an Idiot. I told him yesterday that I want the house for the boys. To try to keep things somewhat normal for them and keep them in there school. He was like I want that too but I need money. I barely make enough to rent an apartment, I will end up living with my parents forever. I wanted to scream well ya, you did this to yourself! But I was calm. I have a feeling his mom and the other girl aka ho is convincing him to get money. Knowing him he would spend the money on the girl or drugs. If we can't agree than I already talked to a lawyer. I probably should talk to at least two more so I can get an idea. I just don't know what a fair price would be to negotiate for the house. Houses in our neighborhood are going for 430,000. But houses now are way over price, not sure how long that will last. We bought our home 6 years ago for 300,000 we owe 150,000. I was thinking of maybe refinancing the home and give him $50,000 but is that too low balling?


I'd get an attorney. You may think that keeping lawyers out will keep things civil, but he's proven who and what he is. Having an attorney negotiate this for you might actually keep it MORE civil because you're not negotiating directly with him. He does not have your best interests or the best interests of your children in mind, he is only looking out for himself. He's pretending to be nice. You need to also pretend to be nice and let your lawyer be nice until it's time to not be nice.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I'd get an attorney. You may think that keeping lawyers out will keep things civil, but he's proven who and what he is. Having an attorney negotiate this for you might actually keep it MORE civil because you're not negotiating directly with him. He does not have your best interests or the best interests of your children in mind, he is only looking out for himself. He's pretending to be nice. You need to also pretend to be nice and let your lawyer be nice until it's time to not be nice.


I second this. At least get good legal advise before you agree to anything.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Supermom24 said:


> That is what I'm thinking. Trust me I'm not worrying about him. He is an Idiot. I told him yesterday that I want the house for the boys. To try to keep things somewhat normal for them and keep them in there school. He was like I want that too but I need money. I barely make enough to rent an apartment, I will end up living with my parents forever. I wanted to scream well ya, you did this to yourself! But I was calm. I have a feeling his mom and the other girl aka ho is convincing him to get money. Knowing him he would spend the money on the girl or drugs. If we can't agree than I already talked to a lawyer. I probably should talk to at least two more so I can get an idea. I just don't know what a fair price would be to negotiate for the house. Houses in our neighborhood are going for 430,000. But houses now are way over price, not sure how long that will last. We bought our home 6 years ago for 300,000 we owe 150,000. I was thinking of maybe refinancing the home and give him $50,000 but is that too low balling?


If he is as desperate as you say, then right now is the time to move. First, present to him the lowest number on an appraisal. Then show him some kind of article on how home prices are about to plummet which would get him significantly less. Also have a home inspector look for any trivial little thing possible to list as needed repairs and explain that with high material cost, it's going to be expensive.

If you can get it, get 60k out in cash. Cash money has a greater psychogical power than a check or electric transfer. Put it in a safe deposit box. Send him a picture along with his gf if possible of 40k cash and say we can end this now. The cash money is yours if you sign and we part ways.

If he says no, then say I will throw in 20k more cash as I want this to be over. The money is yours with no BS, no fighting in courts, and a lawyer is only involved to draw up the agreement. If you do not agree, home prices will drop and the cost of legal and court fees will continue to erode everything as I am prepared to fight for what I believe is fair 

Sadly to say, but 40k-60k to a druggy and his little side piece that is struggling is heaven on Earth.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Mediation only works when both parties are willing to negotiate. He may not be.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If you are both already on the same page, then mediation is fine. Put it in writing and be sure you are both ready to sign off on it.

You just have to realize that a mediator just takes into consideration what each party wants and tries to give them both some of what they want. What can go wrong is if someone acts like they're in agreement with you but then gets there and asks for a bunch of stuff you weren't anticipating. And at that point just because they're asking for more, they may be in a position to get more with a mediator just trying to make both parties happy.

Is there a bunch of financial stuff involved? Because you might need yet another person to sort that out.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Supermom24 said:


> That is what I'm thinking. Trust me I'm not worrying about him. He is an Idiot. I told him yesterday that I want the house for the boys. To try to keep things somewhat normal for them and keep them in there school. He was like I want that too but I need money. I barely make enough to rent an apartment, I will end up living with my parents forever. I wanted to scream well ya, you did this to yourself! But I was calm. I have a feeling his mom and the other girl aka ho is convincing him to get money. Knowing him he would spend the money on the girl or drugs. If we can't agree than I already talked to a lawyer. I probably should talk to at least two more so I can get an idea. I just don't know what a fair price would be to negotiate for the house. Houses in our neighborhood are going for 430,000. But houses now are way over price, not sure how long that will last. We bought our home 6 years ago for 300,000 we owe 150,000. I was thinking of maybe refinancing the home and give him $50,000 but is that too low balling?


With twats like hime there is no low balling. As I said go for the maximum you can get.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What I’ve seen happen a couple of times is both agree to mediation but then one doesn’t like the end result and refuses to sign the mediation agreement.


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