# Stubborn



## BaxJanson (Apr 4, 2013)

I remember growing up, I was frequently told that I "was as stubborn as my grandfather." And I am. I really, really am. I took the warning to heart, and learned to listen to others, learned to be slow to judgment, learned to be careful and thorough in forming my opinions. (I also learned to doubt my instincts, over-think things, and hesitate - not all lessons are good!)

Where do you all put the line between stubbornness (frequently seen as a negative trait) and constancy, certainty, confidence?


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## Nigel Pinchley (Jul 29, 2014)

IMO stubbornness is holding on to an opinion, worldview, plan of action, etc, in spite of a growing body of evidence that it is baseless or won't work.

Believing that the world is flat is stubborn. Continued attempts to remove a badly stripped screw with a screwdriver is stubborn. 

The difference between stubbornness and those other traits (again IMO) is in the admission to others and oneself that you may not be 100% right all the time. I may be confident in how I lead the people under me, I may be constant in how I apply the various lessons I've learned over my career, and I may be certain that this or that principle is good and sound, but I also know that I'm not the be-all, end-all.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I think it is stubborness when you hold onto a point / idea simply because you don't want to change - even if a change would be better for everyone.

As an example, imagine you are planning on a driving vacation, but the car has problems, the kids are sick, etc etc . You decide to continue anyway because damnit - you said you were going on vacation so you darn well are going - even though no one will enjoy it.

Consistency is sticking with something despite difficulties because you are sure it is right, not just because you don't want to change.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

BaxJanson said:


> Where do you all put the line between stubbornness (frequently seen as a negative trait) and constancy, certainty, confidence?


you have to draw the line in your dealings with others. Lets say you are a manager on a production line....your workers are never going to do things totally to your satisfaction. So unless you want a production line with only you on it....you had better learn how to use people according to their individual abilities. 

As you try doing this, and actually achieve some accomplishments thru these others....it becomes clearer that you do NOT need to have a "my way or the highway" approach to dealing with others. You just have to suppress your own nit picking ways.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Nigel Pinchley said:


> IMO stubbornness is holding on to an opinion, worldview, plan of action, etc, in spite of a growing body of evidence that it is baseless or won't work.
> 
> Believing that the world is flat is stubborn. Continued attempts to remove a badly stripped screw with a screwdriver is stubborn.
> 
> The difference between stubbornness and those other traits (again IMO) is in the admission to others and oneself that you may not be 100% right all the time. I may be confident in how I lead the people under me, I may be constant in how I apply the various lessons I've learned over my career, and I may be certain that this or that principle is good and sound, but I also know that I'm not the be-all, end-all.


To add to the above, stubbornness is also always insisting that things be done your way even when there is no real right way and when personal choice is all it's about.

For example a person who insists that they chose which TV shows they and their spouse watches. Or they chose restaurants, vacations, etc.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I think of stubborn as not being open to other's opinions or views. I have a brother who is stubborn and is always "right" in every situation. He can't even be open to other's who have other opinions. It is very frustrating to be around him when he acts like this.

I think the key to overcoming this is to have empathy, and to understand other points of view. I think of my stubborn brother as very opinionated. If he just acknowledged other's points of view, he wouldn't come across this way. Does this make sense?


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## phoenix_ (Dec 20, 2013)

I think stubbornness has a lot to do with ego. I think as long as you're willing to look at things objectively and admit when you're wrong then you should be fine. I don't think it's wrong to hold on to an opinion even if the majority doesn't agree with you. I think many people misinterpret confidence as stubbornness as well.


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