# A little perspective please



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I was married for 24 years. I am new to dating and so much has changed. I have changed in 24 years, the world has changed in 24 years, and the women I would be dating have changed in 24 years. So like I said I am new to all this and just want to gain some perspective. so here goes
A couple of weeks ago I meet a woman on line. We start chatting and end up going out that Saturday. We had a great first date. So great we decided to go out again in Tuesday. We started making plans for her to come to my place on Saturday and spend the week texting back and forth with lots of very openly sexual charged flirtation. So on Thursday she gets sick but by Friday she is feeling better and right back at the flirtation. Saturday comes and she begs off, asking for a rain check. She says she is still sore and weak from the bug. What can I say but "okay I understand"? Sunday I meet her at a park and we spent a few hours together walking her dogs. I ask her if she'd like to go to lunch and she says she still not up to snuff yet. I told her I was disappointed about Saturday because I am really enjoying getting to know her. So we make plans for tonite. She seems happy, but then tomite she texts me and says she is still at work trying to catch up. I said I understood but expressed my disappointment. I am leaving to go away for a week of golfing tomorrow. So she texts me to say go and have a good time and she will see me next week.
So I am confused. Am I reading too much into this. Is she blowing me off? Is she really busy at work? I don't know what to think. Like I said I am very rusty and it has been 24 years.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Ynot said:


> I was married for 24 years. I am new to dating and so much has changed. I have changed in 24 years, the world has changed in 24 years, and the women I would be dating have changed in 24 years. So like I said I am new to all this and just want to gain some perspective. so here goes
> A couple of weeks ago I meet a woman on line. We start chatting and end up going out that Saturday. We had a great first date. So great we decided to go out again in Tuesday. We started making plans for her to come to my place on Saturday and spend the week texting back and forth with lots of very openly sexual charged flirtation. So on Thursday she gets sick but by Friday she is feeling better and right back at the flirtation. Saturday comes and she begs off, asking for a rain check. She says she is still sore and weak from the bug. What can I say but "okay I understand"? Sunday I meet her at a park and we spent a few hours together walking her dogs. I ask her if she'd like to go to lunch and she says she still not up to snuff yet. I told her I was disappointed about Saturday because I am really enjoying getting to know her. So we make plans for tonite. She seems happy, but then tomite she texts me and says she is still at work trying to catch up. I said I understood but expressed my disappointment. I am leaving to go away for a week of golfing tomorrow. So she texts me to say go and have a good time and she will see me next week.
> So I am confused. Am I reading too much into this. Is she blowing me off? Is she really busy at work? I don't know what to think. Like I said I am very rusty and it has been 24 years.


Well, there's really only two possibilities, and the great part is that you behave exactly the same way for each of them.

She's either lying and doesn't want to see you but doesn't want to come out and say it, or she's telling the truth and is having bad luck with her schedule meshing with yours right now.

So what you do is just stop inviting her places for a while. If she was lying, she'll be relieved and drop contact with you. If she was telling the truth, she'll contact you again when she's less ill or busy with an invitation of her own.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Well, there's really only two possibilities, and the great part is that you behave exactly the same way for each of them.
> 
> She's either lying and doesn't want to see you but doesn't want to come out and say it, or she's telling the truth and is having bad luck with her schedule meshing with yours right now.
> 
> So what you do is just stop inviting her places for a while. If she was lying, she'll be relieved and drop contact with you. If she was telling the truth, she'll contact you again when she's less ill or busy with an invitation of her own.


I disagree with last paragraph. If she is telling the truth, and you do not contact her again, that will end any possibility for the relationship to continue. It's highly unlikely she will contact you. Why? Because she told you the truth and the truth put you off so much that you ended your contact with her.

One thing that came to mind is that the two of you have only known each other for a couple of weeks. Having a 'date' at your apartment equals sex. while she is being sexual via the txts, etc, she might very well feel that she does not know you well enough yet to have sex with you. 

My suggestion is that if you really like her, give it till the week after you get back. And when you get back ask her out for a date, not at your place. See how it goes.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Too much too soon, slow down with the expectations. I would maybe send her one text while you are gone, not trying to set anything up for after your return but just to say "Hey, how's things going back in Ohio?" 

When you return ask her if she wants to get together for lunch or something. If she begs off again she obviously isn't interested, let it go.

I'm going to say something here, after reading some of your other threads and this thread you still seem to have some issues with getting over your divorce. This thread almost makes you seem a bit desperate and in one of your other threads you clearly are still engaging with the ex in a negative way. Are you truly healed and ready to move on? I know you want to, but can you enter a new relationship 100% (or at least 98%!) free of the last relationship?


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

Cooper said:


> *Too much too soon, slow down with the expectations. * I would maybe send her one text while you are gone, not trying to set anything up for after your return but just to say "Hey, how's things going back in Ohio?"
> 
> When you return ask her if she wants to get together for lunch or something. If she begs off again she obviously isn't interested, let it go.
> 
> I'm going to say something here, after reading some of your other threads and this thread you still seem to have some issues with getting over your divorce. This thread almost makes you seem a bit desperate and in one of your other threads you clearly are still engaging with the ex in a negative way. Are you truly healed and ready to move on? I know you want to, but can you enter a new relationship 100% (or at least 98%!) free of the last relationship?



:iagree:


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Gotta slow down and enjoy the "getting to know you" part. 
Trying to get her to your hunting grounds is perceived as just that...plus she may be as rusty as you. 

I always take people exactly at their word until they prove to me I should not.
I suggest the same for you.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Indeed - could be she likes you but keeps chickening out because she knows sex is imminent and it's too soon for her.

You could always be honest and ask her straight up what's going on - gently. "I get the feeling maybe you feel things are moving too quickly? I like you and think there may be something here, but I don't want to rush things or push you out of you comfort zone..." Something like that. I probably would do that, as I don't have time or patience for guessing games.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*And while it might seem the thing to do in either calling or texting her every single day, lay off occasionally and see if there is any reciprocity on her part.

And while it may seem the manly thing to do in constantly pursing her, it's even more fun if you allow the relationship, to greatly develop, to the point that the two of you are chasing down each other!

Now that's what's exhilerating!*


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Healer said:


> Indeed - could be she likes you but keeps chickening out because she knows sex is imminent and it's too soon for her.
> 
> You could always be honest and ask her straight up what's going on - gently. "I get the feeling maybe you feel things are moving too quickly? I like you and think there may be something here, but I don't want to rush things or push you out of you comfort zone..." Something like that. I probably would do that, as I don't have time or patience for guessing games.


:iagree: Plus you might as well practice your open and honest communication NOW. No sense guessing or wondering. Speak up.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> :iagree: Plus you might as well practice your open and honest communication NOW. No sense guessing or wondering. Speak up.


Thanks for all the perspectives! As I said I am new to all this. 
As for the sexual part, she actually instigated that aspect of the flirtation. Anyways I did sent her a text last night wishing her luck on a meeting and saying I would really enjoy seeing her next week when I get back. She responded that she hoped to get caught up with her work so that we could do that and to go and have fun this week, 
So keep the perspectives coming? I am seeing some definite options to pursue here.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

So last Saturday I sent her a text "Happy VD!" she responded - "first off I do not have VD and secondly I would not be happy if I did!" I thought she was joking so I responded with a laughing face emoticon. No response from her. Later on I posted VD = Valentines Day. No response. A few days later I sent her a text "how is the weather in Ohio?" No response. So when I got back yesterday I called her number and got her voice mail. I just said "Hey its me I got back yesterday just thought I'd give you a call to see what is up. Give me a call later" No response. 
I am not arguing that she hasn't lost interest or moved on for whatever reason. I get it and won't be calling or texting her anymore. I'll delete her number and be done with her. I just don't understand what happened. She started the overtly sexual texts and flirtations, I was just playing along. 
Not really looking for answers just closing out a thread


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Well, she was obviously turned off by something. Maybe it was the joke or else she is using that as an excuse. 

Give it a few days, leave a message about having lunch one day according to her schedule. If she does not respond, move on. Lots of women out there.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

You got a flake.

Keep on working your magic with other ladies until something gels.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

And try not to mention VD to anyone, even jokingly, that you don't know very well.....

Just sayin'


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