# can I still love, even her ?



## 1lonelyheart (Oct 20, 2010)

I don"t know where to start Just found out my wife is in love with another man, about 5 hours ago. I was on here last night trying to figure out how to save our marriage. She is always texting, I knew in my heart something was going on. I've been asking her about it for 2 months and she constantly denied it. TODAY I checked her cell phone, low and behold text from BIG DOG saying he wants to run away and he loves her. SHE FINALLY ADMITTED TO IT . I'm so broken hearted I don't know what to do. We have 2 boys.11 & 3. I'm 52 she's 37. we've been together almost 20 years. Now she will not even talk to me abou it. I love her and the boys so much. I'm begging her to not break up this family. Can someone please HELP!!!!!!


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## moeman (Aug 12, 2010)

What did she admit to just texting, emails, EA, or PA? Stick to the facts. Don't let your mind imagine and wonder about. Otherwise it will drive you crazy.

M.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

1lonelyheart said:


> I don"t know where to start Just found out my wife is in love with another man, about 5 hours ago. I was on here last night trying to figure out how to save our marriage. She is always texting, I knew in my heart something was going on. I've been asking her about it for 2 months and she constantly denied it. TODAY I checked her cell phone, low and behold text from BIG DOG saying he wants to run away and he loves her. SHE FINALLY ADMITTED TO IT . I'm so broken hearted I don't know what to do. We have 2 boys.11 & 3. I'm 52 she's 37. we've been together almost 20 years. Now she will not even talk to me abou it. I love her and the boys so much. I'm begging her to not break up this family. Can someone please HELP!!!!!!


I think you have allot working against you. Number one she has never had a chance to grow and date around if she was with you for 20 yrs. She was 17 yrs old and you were 35 yrs old she was a child you were an adult at a completely different stage in her life. She needed to grow and date boys her own age to get know what she wanted. 

You derailed her growing up. Its for you to say why you did this if your motivations were pure or purulent. She was too young for you at 17 and she is now getting the chance to get to fall in love on her own terms with a man she chose as an adult. You took a big risk by having a relationship with someone so young, you were old enough to know that you derailed her development and now you have to suffer the consequences for a very bad and selfish choice. 

If you were smart when you were 35 and left a teenager alone to have a life you would not be where you are now. She is being as selfish now as you were when got involved with a girl and not an adult who knew enough about life to know that she could not be happy with such an age gap and getting involved too young. She deserves to make a choice as an adult. 

This is not a sudden development. I think you know that she has been unhappy with her bad luck to have gotten involved with a man who did not care enough to leave her to grow up. It is common for women married too young to a much older man to regret their choice. She no doubt realized in her middle 20 what you took from her. She also has never had a young man and needs to see what it it's like to have someone near her age. If you are really honest with yourself, you saw this coming you knew she was not happy and that she realized she made a mistake in her young life. She knows that your choice of getting involved with her when she was too young to know what she was getting into was selfish and wrong. She is not likely to change her mind, let her go, she has the right to grow up and to be free and to make a love connection as an adult. 

Move on, it was bound to happen, when you are 65 she will still be young and she would probably have left you then. At this point you have a chance to meet somone else make it an appropriate person for a middle aged man. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hurtbyher (Nov 19, 2009)

Catherine602 said:


> I think you have allot working against you. Number one she has never had a chance to grow and date around if she was with you for 20 yrs. She was 17 yrs old and you were 35 yrs old she was a child you were an adult at a completely different stage in her life. She needed to grow and date boys her own age to get know what she wanted.
> 
> You derailed her growing up. Its for you to say why you did this if your motivations were pure or purulent. She was too young for you at 17 and she is now getting the chance to get to fall in love on her own terms with a man she chose as an adult. You took a big risk by having a relationship with someone so young, you were old enough to know that you derailed her development and now you have to suffer the consequences for a very bad and selfish choice.
> 
> ...



I know it is hard to hear but I belive Catherine is exactly right,. She never had the chance to do the dateing game and learn what she wanted. Probably lust and infatuation (??spelling)
was what she was feeling. She probably did grow to love you but now wonders what she missed and doesn't want to be alone later in life. Talk to her about it and try to learn why she is looking elsewhere.


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## 1lonelyheart (Oct 20, 2010)

catherine602 & hurtbyher: she was 18 when we met, not under age. I was 34. I was in a relationship at the time. We met, made love the first night. She really didn't fall for me right away. I did fall in love with her thar first night. She was leaving for the service. We stayed in touch long distance. I broke up with the other girl. We both could not wait to be together, forever. She moved in with me shortly afterwards. I always did treat her like the beautiful woman she is. Five years later we were married in a wonderful Methodist Churh wedding. We joined the church, had both boys baptised there. My grandmother had been a member 72 years.We were able travel the world together, laughing loving & falling deeperin love. She now says I'm to jealous & controling. _ have my own business,always problems everyday. Manage and control is what I do. How do I not bring home? I LOVE HER TO NO END !!!!!!! 
she want's to leave, but I don,t want her tobreak up this loving family. I will do anything. She won't even consider a marriage counselor. SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE ME SOME WORDS OF INSPIRATION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_


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## 1lonelyheart (Oct 20, 2010)

I believe she has always, until now, been a very faithful & loving wife. Abetter mother than any kid could ever wish for!!!!! I just trying to figure out where I went so wrong. THE PAIN IS UNBEARABLE, she's going to look at another place to live @ 5:30, don't know what to do. 
crying,not sleeping, not eating. I'LL STILL LOVE HER FOREVER, NO MATTER WHAT, I'M READY TO FORGIVE & CHANGE FOREVER !!!!!!!!!!


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Lonelyheart,

First you have to fight the urge to beg or plead for her to stay. This will only aid in losing any respect she has left for you. Next, you have to separate all finance. She must know that you are package deal. If she wants to leave she has to find her own way. Cancel all her credit cards. Out her to all friends and family that she is having an affair. NO CRYING in front of her. YOU NEED TO BE UP, HAPPY, AND SECURE WITH YOURSELF. THOSE ARE ATTRACTIVE QUALITIES. BEGGING AND PLEADING IS WEAK AND UNATTRACTIVE.


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## 1lonelyheart (Oct 20, 2010)

Initfortheduration: thank you for the encouragement, my problem is that I wear my heart on my sleave. I'm so emotional that I just can't hold back the tears. There are kids involved. My kids. I love mom & kids so much, I can't describe the pain & heartach I'm going through. DO I JUST LET HER GO, OR IS THAT FOR THE WEAK.


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