# Wife doesn't work



## aur (May 11, 2012)

We are a middle aged Professional spouses. 

My wife worked arround 5 years in a company, she was always jealous of her teammates and never satisfied from her job. She changed jobs and encounter a bad boss that was causing a lot of stress on her so after one year on that job one day she told me that she wanted to quit. I wasn't happy with the decision but I supported her.

What I expected from her is that she was going to look for a job right away, to start a business or to increase her knowledge to enter the job market again (we don't have children and we don't want to), but one year has passed, she's still unemployed, doesn't have even a plan or an idea for a business and everytime I ask what is going on she becomes stressed, she cryes, she recriminates me for pressuring her, etc.

Our profession has a lot of demand in the market so I don't know why she hasn't have found a job, I have money to invest in a business but nothing is happening and I feel that our marriage has no goals.

Right now I have my job and also have business in which I dedicate my free time and I'm very frustrated being the one having all responsibilites in our lifes so I'm feeling that I'm withdrawing from my life, I started buying stupid things that I don't need, I'm taking less interest in my job, business and her. Because she studied the same, she could help me if she dedicates some months to learn some skills but she refuses to do it because she doesn't like that particular area of our career.

Right now she is taking charge of the house, errands, etc but I didn't marry a house wife and I don't want that now.

I know that I'm probably burned out and I need to slow down but besides that, I feel that she took the easy way and she is only thinking in herself and I feel very upset about this situation.

Any ideas of what can I do? A couple of moths ago, I tell her that we needed help, I recommended a psycotherapist so she found one. At first I expected to be in some kind of couple therapy but she told me that the psycotherapist recommended to treat her first. Today I discovered (because I ask her about it) that she hasn't been going to therapy for a month because the therapist was traveling so I don't know what to think about that.

Please comment what would you do in this case?


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Well let's start with an answer you didn't ask for and go from there. First off it sounds like your communication with your wife could use a bit of a tune up. It doesn't appear that you two are on the same page. How does a month elapse without you knowing that her therapy has halted? This is the sort of information you should pick up as you two exchange notes on your day.

Secondly, if she is a professional it is very odd for her to willingly remove herself from such a large piece of her identity. This begs the following question...how skilled was she at her particular vocation? At a year out in a sought after field, the only conclusion I can draw is she simply does not want to work. Is she depressed?

It is hard when you feel that your partner isn't being a true partner, but I don't think marriage was ever meant to be 50-50. If you really love her a season on 70-30 can be easily over looked as you help her to get back on her feet. Go talk to her, and choose a different therapist. This time go together.

Lil
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

aur said:


> I know that I'm probably burned out and I need to slow down but besides that, I feel that she took the easy way and she is only thinking in herself and I feel very upset about this situation.


Start here. It sounds like you are a tad bit jealous of her newfound freedom that YOU are paying for.

And then to pour salt into that wound she's now taken over your therapy.

Time to reclaim YOUR life and learn to set boundaries. You are clearly not okay with this so the question is what are YOU going to do about it?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

princess cindrome!

I'll just cry to get my way its worked so far so I'll just keep doing whats work for me in the past.

take control of all the money YOU earn and if she balks tell her that you earned and you will decide how to spend it. 

or continue to let her whip you. meow whip whip!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I agree you need to start telling her the truth. 

Once you do that, tell her that you will no longer support her as a housewife and, if she wants money for things like eating out or shopping for clothes, she knows how to get a job to pay for it. And then stop paying for it.


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## Soul (May 14, 2012)

I think this is why extensive talking BEFORE marriage about ALL subjects, hypotheticals as well, is crucial before saying "I do". IMHO


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