# FWH is LD for me, was HD for OW



## allwillbewell (Dec 13, 2012)

How does a BS cope with the fact that FWS was HD for OW, sexting, eroticism, sex as often as they could get it(read all the emails: big mistake). But for me: complacency, little to no initiating, no spontaneity, no oral though I enjoy doing oral for him, sex maybe 1X/2wks, etc. 

He claims I am not second best, that he is attracted to me, likes what I do, loves me, does not think about OW,etc. Its been almost 3 years from Dday, we are in pretty good R, not perfect but worth staying together for at this point. He knows I am frustrated, feeling deficient, I even admitted to masturbating to lessen the stress, try not to nag or complain or pressure.

He seems depressed, gaining a little weight, on the verge of retirement, but had T tested out OK. I personally think he has some self esteem issues going on over his dishonorable behavior that is not resolved but will not talk to me about it. 

At this point, I can only guess that this is caused by depression or he really doesn't love me or finds sex with me a duty...I am at the end of my rope trying to seduce him, please him when he should be doing everything he can to win ME back...am I being impatient, selfish? Any ideas as to what may be going on? 

I am 99% sure he has been faithful as I am 100% still vigilant with his blessing and full transparency.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It can be difficult to reignite the passion for the old and familiar, and the classic (and valid) advice is to engage occasionally in some mutual activity that is outside your comfort zone - an often used example is white water rafting. However, it can be almost anything that makes you work together to enjoy, solve, or survive.

The OW wasn't better, but she was new and different. That new relationship hormonal energy typically wears off after a year or so - that is true for almost all relationships (few manage to keep it going). The outside-your-comfort-zone activity can renew some of that feeling.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He's obviously the only one who knows how he truly feels but his actions and his words don't appear to be matching. Yes, it could be depression. Will he get help? Only you know if you can continue to live that life if he doesn't.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

If his overall natural sex drive level is low, then his upped sex drive level with the OW was just a product of "new and shiny". Now that that is over, he is back to his real drive level.


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