# My dad is cheating and I do not know what to do.



## rush2005 (Apr 28, 2020)

Hi. I know this website is meant for families, moreover adults, however I just wanted to talk to you guys and see if you can help me with what I am going through, as I have no one to talk to this about. 

I recently found out that my father has been on a gay dating app called "Grindr" and he is actively using it. As a 15 year old boy that is Indian, you typically never see this happening and this comes as a massive shock and thats what happened to me. I see my father spending countless hours on the app, supposingly trading nudes, and hooking up. Before I used to go through his chats and see the stuff that was said and I used to see various chats talking about gay sex, moreover I couldn't take any evidence as I would have limited control to this time on his phone as he guards it as a dog. This made me very depressed and angry, causing me to become severly angry and depressed. I never got around to telling my mom as she has been going through alot and I wanted us to spend several months as a happy family. Nonetheless, my fathers motives to infedelity has caused issues to the happy part, making me very sad and almost suicidal. Now months later, he has spent more time on the app but he has been putting a passcode on the app and my mother has some thoughts to him being gay as I heard them in the bedroom and he was urging her to proceed to some sexual activity. I am still feeling depressed and it bothers with my school as well. I feel like telling my mother but I do not want to bother her and make her feel the pain but since its their relationship, I feel like my father should be the one to confess and not me. 

I know I am just a child and I should not be on here however can someone please share their thoughts and help me through this time for me?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@rush2005, 

As a young man, I can't imagine what this is like for you. On the one hand, you yourself are just hitting that time in your life where sex and sexuality are on your mind, and on the other hand you have found out way, WAY more about your parents and their sexuality than anyone wants to know! I don't think anyone wants to think of their own parents sex lives! YUCK! LOL

But in this instance, you do know some things, and don't know some other things. It's not your marriage or your sex life--it's theirs. For example, it is conceivable your mom knows your dad is bi-curious and has chosen that "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" (pretend nothing is happening). Or maybe she's not interested in sex and is okay with your dad doing "whatever" as long as he doesn't bother her. Maybe she is pure-minded and it never ever crossed her mind that he might be gay. We just don't know! You're there, and you may have heard some, but trust me, it is between the two of them and it's their marriage. 

What we DO know is that your father has been indiscreet about Grindr, and you now know that he's on there. We also know that he's a least sexting other men, while also being married to your mom. You have seen some texts and images, and you KNOW. I would recommend being honest with your mom, and just telling her that you didn't mean to discover it, but you have seen on your dad's phone the Grindr app, some messages from other men, and some images and chats that are homosexual. Tell her that you are upset from this discovery, that you are hurting because it shocked you, and that you feel like the foundation of your world has been destroyed, and now you are afraid you'll lose your family. 

In your head, just know that it is THEIR marriage and THEIR sexuality...so they can decide arrangements between them. BUT when they leave the phone out and you see it, or they are indiscreet with with it and you hear or see, it is GOING to affect you! It's reasonable for you to let them know how it affects you and how you feel because of the shock of this discovery. 

I doubt that it will make your dad straight--so don't get me wrong--but I think it's possible they will at least talk to you about it, be more honest with you, and help you through these feelings. Okay?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You need to tell your mum honey, she needs to know so that she can be tested for sexually transmitted diseases asap. What your dad is doing is wrong - not the homosexual part, the cheating, deceitful part.

Your Mum has a right to know and you shouldn't have to be burdened with this secret.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

rush2005 said:


> I know I am just a child and I should not be on here however can someone please share their thoughts and help me through this time for me?


I don't know if being on here violates any "rules", but I'm glad you came here. There are some good people on here who can indeed help you through this troublesome time. I'm very sorry you have to endure it. I think your father should also be told, by you, that you know what he's doing.

He should have concern for how this may affect your mother, and you, and he should strongly endeavor to stop any such selfish behavior as this.

No matter whether your parents' marriage is good, or bad, or one of the many usual "shades of gray" in-between, these actions are 100% the choices of your father. They have nothing whatsoever to do with your mother, or you. They are simply related to the thrills and feelings he gets from it.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

If I were you, I would get what evidence I could and present it to your mother.
At that point, you have done what you can, and the ball is in her court.


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## rush2005 (Apr 28, 2020)

frusdil said:


> You need to tell your mum honey, she needs to know so that she can be tested for sexually transmitted diseases asap. What your dad is doing is wrong - not the homosexual part, the cheating, deceitful part.
> 
> Your Mum has a right to know and you shouldn't have to be burdened with this secret.


Thank you I shall make sure to tell her soon.


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## rush2005 (Apr 28, 2020)

Affaircare said:


> @rush2005,
> 
> As a young man, I can't imagine what this is like for you. On the one hand, you yourself are just hitting that time in your life where sex and sexuality are on your mind, and on the other hand you have found out way, WAY more about your parents and their sexuality than anyone wants to know! I don't think anyone wants to think of their own parents sex lives! YUCK! LOL
> 
> ...





Affaircare said:


> @rush2005,
> 
> As a young man, I can't imagine what this is like for you. On the one hand, you yourself are just hitting that time in your life where sex and sexuality are on your mind, and on the other hand you have found out way, WAY more about your parents and their sexuality than anyone wants to know! I don't think anyone wants to think of their own parents sex lives! YUCK! LOL
> 
> ...


Thank you. I will try to stay out of my way since it is their marriage but I think it is proper for my mother to know at least. I appreciate your support.


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