# Confused and feeling Temptations



## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

This is my first time posting about myself.
I'm very new to this place and only found it because I was snooping through my fiance's phone and saw that he had installed a new app and StumbleUpon this place.

Maybe I'm posting in hopes he'll read this and stops me before I make the same choice that he's done, OR at least that I feel he's done to me.
I know that there's been lies I've confronted him numerous times, more so lately and it makes me realize that there was probably always lies and maybe I just didn't pay attention enough. 

I get why they call it dirty thirties. I've never wanted to be more of a dirty **** now then I ever, believe me I was one before we got together too.

My fiance and I have been together somewhere around five years he has his own child who was around 10 when we got together. Mine was around 3 and now we have a child together.
His child has given me tremendous difficulties between her and her mother the lies and b******* It has just become too much lately, at least with my daughter the father isn't in the picture so he's and the only one to raise her so it's on him and I with her behavior. He has no idea what it feels like to have to deal with the other parent or the way that the child Acts because of the other parent, absolutely no idea.
I'm at my Breaking Point Something's Gotta Give and I'm scared it's going to be me.
I've never cheated on him but right now I want to feel something and he could care less. It seems now that his daughter has moved out of her home he blames me. I couldn't do it anymore the torment that I went through because she and her mother are both very vindictive and would create stories to mess with my head. 
I don't want to feel like s*** anymore.
I want to feel beautiful sexy and he doesn't make me feel that way.
lately I've been getting a lot more attention from other men, mostly just looks and stares. It because I've been taking better care of myself and dressing nicer and putting on makeup hoping my fiancia would give me more attention but he hasn't which is strange considering he's horny all the time and in the past always wanted to have sex and if we weren't having sex he was jacking off in the shower. Or at least he claims he was jacking off in the shower.

These other men well I like the way it feels I like it because I know what they want to do to me. When he stares at me now he stares at me with anger , resentment disgust . I see it he doesn't think that I do though but I see it. I haven't done it yet but I'm so close it's only a matter of time if things keep going the way they are that I'm going to let that side out I'll probably regret it but he's doing nothing to stop me or save us 
There's so much more but I just had to get out this part hopefully me talking about it will help and I won't pursue these feelings


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

When your marriage sucks you have basically four choices
1) do nothing
2) get a divorce
3) cheat
4) work on it

And it really is a choice. People always make it sound like something forced them to cheat, or they just kind of accidentally cheated, or some other such load of crap.

Right now you can CHOOSE what you are going to do. Make the decision and then DO it. Quit waiting for things to change somehow so that you can blame what you end up doing on someone or something else.


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

Thanks that makes sense 

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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So - which one did you choose?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Cheating is never the best option, and shouldn't be an option at all, no matter how bad the relationship is. You're not married yet, break things off if you are this unhappy or try to work on the relationship. But, staying in an unhappy relationship, or thinking that cheating will somehow help you, aren't the answers. Sorry you're hurting, but you will hurt even worse if you cheat.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Usually, but not always. I'm not convinced that when children are involved that cheating is necessarily worse than divorcing if it is only the couple's sex life that is broken.




*Deidre* said:


> Cheating is never the best option, and shouldn't be an option at all, no matter how bad the relationship is. You're not married yet, break things off if you are this unhappy or try to work on the relationship. But, staying in an unhappy relationship, or thinking that cheating will somehow help you, aren't the answers. Sorry you're hurting, but you will hurt even worse if you cheat.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Usually, but not always. I'm not convinced that when children are involved that cheating is necessarily worse than divorcing if it is only the couple's sex life that is broken.


Cheaters betray the whole family, not just their spouses. Ultimately, they'd have to be living a lie.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

It all comes down to what type of person you want to be. Do you want to live with honor or do you want to live with shame (and that would be the best outcome if you cheat).

No one is saying you have to take abuse, no one is saying you have to stay if you can't work it out. No one is saying that you have to give up having fun sex ever again. But you must end one relationship before going to another. There are so many people on these threads and out there who don't have honor. Look at where we are as a world. Look at were we are with parents and children. Look at how unhappy so many people are. By doing this thing which is wrong you will be contributing to this culture and perpetuating it. 

If I were you you have invested all this time in this man, I would tell him exactly how you feel (not the cheating) but that you need to feel wanted and see where the chips fall.

Honor is so important. It is why so many people have such low self-esteem. They look to shallow things to make them feel good about themselves things they have no control over. Learning to get you worth from honor gives you great confidence if you choose to do the honorable thing. 

I dare you to do the hard and right thing in this situation. Then no matter what the outcome I bet you you will look back on this situation on yourself and even the relationship and it will be positive, it will give you hope and strength, even if it doesn't work out. Try it. I dare you.


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## SuperConfusedHusband (Mar 19, 2017)

*Deidre* said:


> Cheating is never the best option, and shouldn't be an option at all, no matter how bad the relationship is. You're not married yet, break things off if you are this unhappy or try to work on the relationship. But, staying in an unhappy relationship, or thinking that cheating will somehow help you, aren't the answers. Sorry you're hurting, but you will hurt even worse if you cheat.


Deirdre, sometimes cheating is the only option. The problem is that its a temporary fix only.
As I see it, this lady need to work on herself more that the relationship. Her partner does not seem to be cooperative.


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## SuperConfusedHusband (Mar 19, 2017)

megrbaby87 said:


> This is my first time posting about myself.
> I'm very new to this place and only found it because I was snooping through my fiance's phone and saw that he had installed a new app and StumbleUpon this place.
> 
> Maybe I'm posting in hopes he'll read this and stops me before I make the same choice that he's done, OR at least that I feel he's done to me.
> ...


I will call you Megan.

Ok so I see where you are coming from. You are going through this change and you want to be desired again by men. That is only natural! 
I'm not going into details, I have an entire post going aboutme being the guy looking at beautiful ladies and enjoying their radiance. So I'm the one looking at you, and I know exactly how it feels when your man does not desire you anymore. It really sucks! Your self esteem sinks to -40 and you feel like dirt. 

I'm helping a friend of mine, a lady who is 29, who had this problem: she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years and he treated her like dirt the last year. He filled her with insults about her body, destroyed her credit and took her job from her. She was a wreck. I picked her up (not in a sexual way...) a month ago and we are rebuilding her life, little by little...
When a woman doesn't feel appreciated, physically, emotionally and spiritually she wilder and dies. It's the men's job to fill her up with emotions and give her life.

This is where a lot of people will not agree with me: I know exactly why you are looking for other men. To feel alive again. I have see that many times. I myself used to do it, otherwise I would die inside.
I (used to) approach 4-10 women a day and flirt with them, trying to make them feel wanted. To me it seemed that almost all of them had some kind of void to fill in that department, and almost all liked flirting with me. There is nothing wrong with it.

In the short time, this works wonders. For the longer term...you have to decide if you wanna stay with the guy you are with now or not. 

Hope this helps.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> Deirdre, sometimes cheating is the only option.


If you are immoral. You sound confused.


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

Hope1964 said:


> When your marriage sucks you have basically four choices
> 1) do nothing
> 2) get a divorce
> 3) cheat
> ...


So far ive tried to work on it but right now I'm currently doing nothing. I would rather not be together if it means I gotta cheat. 
I'm a lot of the problem to lately I didn't mention that part. When I first started this topic. You see I've been really mean for a couple of months and it's its because I'm confused and have suspicions that something terrible has been going on that is not normal or excepted by people. They all think I'm crazy but their relationship just isn't what I'm use to maybe. Or maybe it is what I keep accusing the two of them having. Maybe I am the real blame on why she moved out 

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## SuperConfusedHusband (Mar 19, 2017)

sokillme said:


> If you are immoral. You sound confused.


I am confused, but not about this: dont slap morals on me, they are useless.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Try as we might, we cannot overcome genetics. We are made to get erotic feelings for other people. Society, not nature thought up monogamy. My marriage is called an ethical non monogamous marriage. Read this article to see what I mean. After being cheated on by my fiancee who I dated for five years and seeing others I knew cheat, I figured that a monogamous marriage had lousy odds. Would you buy a car that worked only 50% of the time? No but you will enter into a lifetime legal contract to only have sex with one person for the rest of your life. For me that does not make sense and most objections are due to what we are taught to dislike and to do. Sex can be just sex. Sex with someone other than your spouse can lift your spirits and make you feel good about yourself. That in turn makes you happier with your spouse. If you think of it as cheating then it is hidden and you dare not act differently at home.

Hard to explain so read this article. My wife and I quickly learned that monogamy was not for us. She agrees with me that had we insisted on monogamy we would have divorced a long time ago. Instead we have had a wonderful marriage for over 44 years. Never a problem, not even jealousy. I was happy for my wife when she had sex with a friend of ours and all the girlfriends she had. She was happy for me too and we often played with women as a couple in a threesome. We did not hide anything and sex was just sex, not making love when with others. 

You do not have to fully open your marriage. We were monogamous sometimes and open other times. We did not go looking for sex partners but rather when we felt a strong attraction to someone, we could act on it as long as it was the exception and not the rule. In fact, between us we only had 9 outside sex partners in 44 years. One was with us for 30 years since we both loved her and the rest were mostly one night stands or shared with my wife. Not exactly what a fully open marriage would be. It is not for everyone but as my signature line says, so many will cling to their existing morality even though it does not work for them, rather than think outside of the box.
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20649/why-my-husband-i-sometimes-have-sex-with-other-people.html


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Are you hinting at incest?

You really need to leave this relationship if your truly suspect this is happening. You may confront, but you do need proof though. 

If things are this bad with this man that you are seeing things that are not normal, then that should make you want to leave him and never look back.

Don't start anything without ending this relationship first. Once you are free, you can pursue feeling validated by other men. You will be free to do so.

I sense you want to cheat to wake him up. That won't work. It will just complicate your issues further.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> I am confused, but not about this: dont slap morals on me, they are useless.


Just wait, you have behaved without them for a while now as per your posts. Give it some time and come back and tell me this when your life blows up. I am not saying I am clairvoyant but one of the purposes of morals is to keep you from blowing up your life, as you have already done. 

Morals are really just rules for yours and others benefit they are not to take away your fun. They do prevent some immediate gratification though. 

You cheated and you say sometimes cheating is the only option. Give it a year when your wife finds out what you have done, then we will see if you feel the same way.


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

I'm saying I think that something has possible gone on with his daughter and him but Everton thinks I'm crazy and says that i must be on drugs and that he is Prince charming and bla bla bla . I see a narcissist with a drinking problem who everyone thinks is so flipping amazing . I try and tell myself that it must be all in my head. He supports me 100% and my children I'm either going to ruin everything because i can't let go of this feeling of possible incest or I'm going to drive myself crazy 

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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> Deirdre, sometimes cheating is the only option. The problem is that its a temporary fix only.
> As I see it, this lady need to work on herself more that the relationship. Her partner does not seem to be cooperative.


Cheating is about the cheater, and many cheaters blame their partners for why they cheated. It's never an only option.


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## SuperConfusedHusband (Mar 19, 2017)

sokillme said:


> I am not saying I am clairvoyant but one of the purposes of morals is to keep you from blowing up your life, as you have already done.


ok if you say so lol.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> I will call you Megan.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You are grooming a vulnerable woman to have sex with you. Does your wife know?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Usually, but not always. I'm not convinced that when children are involved that cheating is necessarily worse than divorcing if it is only the couple's sex life that is broken.


Huh?

Going against the tide, Eh?

Defend this position to the best of your ability.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> Deirdre, sometimes cheating is the only option. The problem is that its a temporary fix only.
> As I see it, this lady need to work on herself more that the relationship. Her partner does not seem to be cooperative.


 @SuperConfusedHusband, I read your [other] introductory post here at TAM.

In this post you are sympathetic to OP's thought of other men. You have stated that cheating is the only option for @megrbaby87

And for you too. You stated this in your original post.

Oh, I know. It is all good if nobody finds out. What you do not know cannot hurt you. 

Sounds good until you wife does this to you.....and YOU find out that some other man got her naked and pumped her full of his stuff. 

I reckon you will be highly pissed, highly hurt. If you are not.....then you are one cold potato.


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## SuperConfusedHusband (Mar 19, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> @SuperConfusedHusband, I read your [other] introductory post here at TAM.
> 
> In this post you are sympathetic to OP's thought of other men. You have stated that cheating is the only option for @megrbaby87
> 
> ...


Please notice the word "sometimes" in my response to this post. 
Did I say it was the best option? Did I say it was the OP only option? I just said SOMETIMES it is the only option.


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## SuperConfusedHusband (Mar 19, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> You are grooming a vulnerable woman to have sex with you. Does your wife know?


Yes, she knows all of it and approves/helps.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I read your latest post, megrbaby87, and while it very well may be your imagination, your gut is screaming to you for a reason. If you've seen pretty solid proof or an indication of inappropriate behavior of your husband toward his daughter, then there's a good reason your gut is screaming to you. And if you are aware of inappropriate goings on, I'd be sure to be removing your daughter from his presence REAL quick and the child you had with him as well. Lots of sexual predators can be described as 'charming' and 'great guys.' It doesn't negate the fact that they're shill molesters.

About the LAST thing I'd be worrying about is finding some guy who thinks I'm 'sexy.'


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I read your latest post, megrbaby87, and while it very well may be your imagination, your gut is screaming to you for a reason. If you've seen pretty solid proof or an indication of inappropriate behavior of your husband toward his daughter, then there's a good reason your gut is screaming to you. And if you are aware of inappropriate goings on, I'd be sure to be removing your daughter from his presence REAL quick and the child you had with him as well. Lots of sexual predators can be described as 'charming' and 'great guys.' It doesn't negate the fact that they're shill molesters.
> 
> About the LAST thing I'd be worrying about is finding some guy who thinks I'm 'sexy.'


What scares me is I'm over sensitive to sexual behavior maybe . But there ha've been things that have sent off red flags . When we first got together it really bother me that when she would get in trouble he would to in her room and lecture/discipline her and shut the door and be in there alone for sometimes 20 mins I didn't like that and I told him that it's not appropriate to or normal in my opinion to be in a young girls room with the door shut . Little things like that. When we first started dating she would do things like crap her pants put it in a bag and make a big annoncment and bring them to him in front of me and say here dad I had a accident can you throw these away ....i was like wtf 11 years old can carp her pants, put them in a bag and can't figure to put them in the trash herself 

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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> ok if you say so lol.


Keep laughing buddy. While you can.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Imagine a married couple "A" and "B" who get along very well together, but where their sex life has always been limited from the point of view of A. Maybe they shouldn't have, but they have a kid. After that the already mediocre sex life declines to almost nothing. B just isn't interested, doesn't really like sex and doesn't undersatnd why anyone else likes it. B had always assumed that their sex life would taper off. Used to provide oral and other things but now says that they had always done it because they felt that they had to but that they intensely dislike it. 

Other than sex, they are a great couple, and are both very attached to their kid. They both have exciting high paying jobs. They have bought a really nice house together. The really enjoy each other's and their kid's company.

But A is getting ever more frustrated and unhappy as they realize that rather than improving the way that they had hoped, their sex life is declining to almost nothing. There is nothing A can do to get B more interested, B just doesn't want sex. A is looking at a life of celibacy and they resent B for doing this to them.

A meets D at work. D (of the other gender) is in a similar situation, stuck in a mostly great but sexless marriage. 

Who is really harmed if A and D have an affair that they keep very quiet? Would it really be better for A to divorce, causing trauma to the kid, and ending what is otherwise a very happy relationship? 





SunCMars said:


> Huh?
> 
> Going against the tide, Eh?
> 
> Defend this position to the best of your ability.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Imagine a married couple "A" and "B" who get along very well together, but where their sex life has always been limited from the point of view of A. Maybe they shouldn't have, but they have a kid. After that the already mediocre sex life declines to almost nothing. B just isn't interested, doesn't really like sex and doesn't undersatnd why anyone else likes it. B had always assumed that their sex life would taper off. Used to provide oral and other things but now says that they had always done it because they felt that they had to but that they intensely dislike it.
> 
> Other than sex, they are a great couple, and are both very attached to their kid. They both have exciting high paying jobs. They have bought a really nice house together. The really enjoy each other's and their kid's company.
> 
> ...


*If* A and D feel no guilt and *if* both BS's never find out.......and *if* neither A nor D want to dump their spouse for their affair partner, and *if* they continue to treat their BS's [otherwise] well, this would work out good for all. 

That is a lot of *if's* and major cheating. 

*If* they get caught..........my God, the consequences! And the pain and torment this will wreak on TWO EXTENDED families, spouses, children, in-laws, friends.

It is much easier to divorce, then eff around. 

On divorce: Honor and morals would remain only mildly tarnished. The "Til death do us part" vow thing......it will be trashed. And if down the line you marry your co-worker, tongues will rattle, rumors will fly.


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

Look I don't want to cheat. I love him with all my heart even if what he has done what I think he has done I will love him but be so broken and forced to move on because I cannot allow someone to lie over and over and make me feel crazy. If he were to come clean I think things would be ok and we could seek help but I don't think it's write for me to have to feel this way. I'm young beautiful a great person and a amazing mom.

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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

megrbaby87 said:


> This is my first time posting about myself.
> I'm very new to this place and only found it because I was snooping through my fiance's phone and saw that he had installed a new app and StumbleUpon this place.
> 
> Maybe I'm posting in hopes he'll read this and stops me before I make the same choice that he's done, OR at least that I feel he's done to me.
> ...


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Fathers are alone with their daughters at times. This doesn't mean things are going on. When my daughter would get in trouble I talked with her in private just like my two boys, no need to do it in front of others. When they were younger it was because I said so, as they grew older, I would start explaining why. This would take awhile at times depending on the questions they would ask. 

As the thing about her problem with going to the bathroom, she needs professional help. That is not right, not a cry for attention but what ever.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

True, but divorce guarantees a lot of suffering and disruption. Remember that in this scenario "B" thinks that they are a perfect spouse. They will be blindsided and devastated that A is divorcing them just because of sex. They will accuse A of being a [insert derogotory term or a man or woman who has a excessive amount of sex]. They will tell their child that A "abandoned" them. 



SunCMars said:


> *If* A and D feel no guilt and *if* both BS's never find out.......and *if* neither A nor D want to dump their spouse for their affair partner, and *if* they continue to treat their BS's [otherwise] well, this would work out good for all.
> 
> That is a lot of *if's* and major cheating.
> 
> ...


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

ABHale said:


> Fathers are alone with their daughters at times. This doesn't mean things are going on. When my daughter would get in trouble I talked with her in private just like my two boys, no need to do it in front of others. When they were younger it was because I said so, as they grew older, I would start explaining why. This would take awhile at times depending on the questions they would ask.
> 
> As the thing about her problem with going to the bathroom, she needs professional help. That is not right, not a cry for attention but what ever.


That makes sense and is understandable. I had a very different ubringing and my relationship with my dad was deffentaly nothing like there's. There is one thing I just am having the hardest time understanding and that's is about two night before his daughter moved out (15 years old now) I heard him ask her if she had tried something on yet. She told him no and then he said before you go upstairs go in the bathroom and try it on. Minutes later she walks out (I'm ease dropping at the top of the stairs at this point because we had just gotten into a fight because I found a pair of women's underware in my pantie draw about 2 hours before all this) he then said to her when she walks out "dose it fit" now I don't know what he was talking about but what I do know is that when I searched her bedroom draws I found a brand new pair of ones that when I confronted her she claims she has never seen them and doesn't know where they came from. Let me rewind. The day before I heard all this between them her father and I were out shopping for sexy bras and panties for myself and we didn't purchase anything for her and he claims he didn't but anything for her while I was trying stuff on either. The thing is the panties I found were brand new and the same brand of what I bought and the style he likes to see me in. When I s
Told him I heard him tell her to go into the bathroom and try something on I asked him what was he asking her to try on. He dosent remember, he vaguely remembers telling her or asking her if something fit. He said it wasn't anything sexual it must have been something we bought I then told him we didn't but anything for her. Wtf how do u not remember two nights ago and what you told her to try on ......something isn't right or am I crazy?

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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

Oh and I tapped our conversation about it when he admits to asking her to do this and saved the underware I found so that people didnt think I was crazy because I don't know myself what to really think 

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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

My first husband had 3 kids from his first marriage that he had custody of. 

When my mom heard this, she said "RUN." I ignored her because she's always been negative about everything, and she didn't even know him.
When visiting a friend, while she was at work, I had lunch with her outspoken father who I'd never met before and when I mentioned my fiance with the three kids he bluntly asked, what are you going to do when he doesn't need a babysitter anymore?
Prior to getting married I called a therapist for the oldest (vindictive, mean, difficult, etc.) child and when they heard I was going to marry a man with 3 kids they said "You're going to need a lot of therapy."

People tried to warn me, but I laughed it off -- they didn't even know him.

I know you each have a kid, but a 10 year old girl with a *****y mom? And a fiance who can't "see" the distress they are causing you? Good luck sister, you're going to need it. You're looking at at lest 8 years of being ****ed with by two conspiring women and having a husband go from indifferent/oblivious to your pain, to angry at YOU for being bothered by the treatment and disrupting his peaceful life. Trust me on this, it only gets worse after you're married and he feels he no longer has to try to appease you and he really just wants you to STFU about what those two are up to.

For me, the absolute worst part, wasn't the difficult child or her psycho mom, it was being married to a man who made it clear that he did NOT have my back and why didn't I just ignore them.

I had a psychologist tell me that step daughters are hard for women because little girls love their daddy, whereas little boys love their mommy. You are her natural enemy because you are competing with her for Daddy's attention. And you are her mother's natural enemy because you have her ex. And they will probably never tire of sticking you with pins that your fiance will refuse to notice.

Add that to his lies? 

Take the advice I ignored: RUN.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> Deirdre, sometimes cheating is the only option. The problem is that its a temporary fix only.
> As I see it, this lady need to work on herself more that the relationship. Her partner does not seem to be cooperative.


Ridiculous. Cheating is NEVER the ONLY option. There is always the option of going without until you fix the situation or get out of it.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

megrbaby87 said:


> I'm saying I think that something has possible gone on with his daughter and him but Everton thinks I'm crazy and says that i must be on drugs and that he is Prince charming and bla bla bla . I see a narcissist with a drinking problem who everyone thinks is so flipping amazing . I try and tell myself that it must be all in my head. He supports me 100% and my children I'm either going to ruin everything because i can't let go of this feeling of possible incest or I'm going to drive myself crazy
> 
> Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk


Whoa.

Well, first, incest DOES happen. And everyone is always surprised when they find out and wonder why the mother didn't know/do anything. And it's often an otherwise upstanding pillar of society.

However, keep in mind there is an oedipal thing going on. The daughter is in direct competition with you for daddy's attention and she may act out in some very provocative ways just to mess with you. I remember my "problem child" that I mentioned in my last post saying once "You're lucky, 'cause you get to sleep with daddy." She did all kinds of things to one up me for his attention and they often seemed like her acting sexy. Creepy. Of course her father didn't see it.

If you haven't already, can you describe some interactions that alarmed you? (I haven't read the whole thread yet.)

BTW, there doesn't have to be incest for there to be inappropriate behaviors/interactions. A father usually does not want to see his daughter in that light and will be blind to things she does that you may pick up on.

You don't want to be paranoid, but sometimes when your gut is screaming something at you, there is a reason.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

megrbaby87 said:


> What scares me is I'm over sensitive to sexual behavior maybe . But there ha've been things that have sent off red flags . When we first got together it really bother me that when she would get in trouble he would to in her room and lecture/discipline her and shut the door and be in there alone for sometimes 20 mins I didn't like that and I told him that it's not appropriate to or normal in my opinion to be in a young girls room with the door shut . Little things like that. When we first started dating she would do things like crap her pants put it in a bag and make a big annoncment and bring them to him in front of me and say here dad I had a accident can you throw these away ....i was like wtf 11 years old can carp her pants, put them in a bag and can't figure to put them in the trash herself
> 
> Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk


I wouldn't think much of lecturing her for 20 minutes with the door shut. Though if something about it gives you pause, I'd listen intently at the door.

The crap in a bag at 11? I don't know about incest, but I think it's a sign of some serious trauma. That child definitely needs a psychologist. Handing it to her dad? That blows my mind. I'd be beyond humiliated to crap my pants, I sure wouldn't be handing it to anyone. Maybe it's some subconscious cry for help, trying to get her dad's attention that she is NOT OK.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

megrbaby87 said:


> I asked him what was he asking her to try on. He dosent remember, he vaguely remembers telling her or asking her if something fit.
> Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk


He is lying.


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

WorkingWife said:


> My first husband had 3 kids from his first marriage that he had custody of.
> 
> When my mom heard this, she said "RUN." I ignored her because she's always been negative about everything, and she didn't even know him.
> When visiting a friend, while she was at work, I had lunch with her outspoken father who I'd never met before and when I mentioned my fiance with the three kids he bluntly asked, what are you going to do when he doesn't need a babysitter anymore?
> ...


Yeah she was 10 she's 15 now and that's is what I have been dealing with. She has basically over the years made me think her dad is a horrible man and she hates him then sends him little secret love notes after I get mad and have her back. We arnt married but we do have a 19 month old girl together and my 7 year old only knows him as dad. I was so relived when she moved out a couple weeks ago but I think this is just another game they are up to considering everything is still in her room and when I packed up some of her belongings and dropped them off at the mom's immediately I got a phone call from my fiance all pissed off because they were hysterical about me dropping s*** off over there 

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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

WorkingWife said:


> He is lying.


Right!!! I know that nobody forgets what they told someone to try on but remembered having the conversation. Her mother grew up have a incest relationship and there is also similar circumstances on his side as well so for them both fiancia and his ex wife have been exposed to a upbringing where it may of been normal, ok or not spoken about. which for me I was brought up that family isn't suppose to do things with other family members. Everyone has that one or two cousins that end up being stupid and we joke about kissing cousins but that's as far as being anywhere near acceptable with what I've grown up. I was raised with the understanding of right from wrong and told that behavior is wrong and that's why people are punished and put in jail for it it's not okay but I get how other people still think that it's okay because that's how they were raised but it's not ok I'm my opinion or beliefs. When we first got together she would try and snuggle him by laying her leg and pelvic area over him as a couple would do. They way I layed with him. I said something immediately and express that I didn't feel it was appropriate to be laying that way. I had looked at pictures and his phone from before we were together and there was pictures of the two of them and she was posing on a tree it would have been normal and all but there was a couple things that I felt were all with the picture one being the look on her face as if she was scared and they were success of pictures too her clothes were kind of hanging off of her shoulder as she was Posey three the fact that they were on a hike and she was wearing a skirt and it was just the two of them I found it just kind of an eerie. Another thing that used to bother me as I would catch her fondling herself from outside of her clothing while we are all on the bed together watching TV hanging out in my room. About the shutting the door and disciplining I would sit there and listen from the other room and he just kept telling her how he said her teach her a lesson and she needs to learn her lesson but there was never any lesson she ever learned it was always just her acting out to get him to go in her room and give her the attention that she wanted I should have open the door when I was having weird thoughts but instead we were new and our relationship and within a month of me feeling that I didn't like the way that he would go in there and the things that I would hear questionable I told them that they were no longer allowed to discipline in her room and that they needed to come downstairs in my room and I could step out of the room if they need but there was no reason for him to discipline her and her bedroom with the door shut

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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

Yes I have talked to him, fought with him, cried to him suggested counseling, he says hello and then he never follows through. I stay with him because I love him and we have a child together and I want to grow old with him but I'm not sure if it's healthy or not I know everyone has problems and granted we have even more personal problems but I haven't even gotten into that have caused massive stress. My child who just turned 7 who he's been raising since she was around 3 has been suffering from medical problems that we don't have all the answers to. They just diagnosed her with Tourette syndrome and she scheduled for an MRI soon she has stomach problems and the list goes on. I love him more than I loveed anybody my entire life and he is the only one I desire but he is so hot and cold lately and I'm sexual do to either my age or maybe the stress so this attention and looks that I'm getting and the current problems were having it's confusing and clouding me and making me have thoughts that break my heart to even think. It tears my soul to think of either of use with other people. I felt he was soul mate but lately things are different 

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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

megrbaby87 said:


> Right!!! I know that nobody forgets what they told someone to try on but remembered having the conversation. *Her mother grew up have a incest relationship* and there is *also similar circumstances on his side* as well so for them both fiancia and his ex wife have been exposed to a upbringing where it may of been normal, ok or not spoken about. which for me I was brought up that family isn't suppose to do things with other family members.
> 
> Everyone has that one or two cousins that end up being stupid and we joke about kissing cousins but that's as far as being anywhere near acceptable with what I've grown up. I was raised with the understanding of right from wrong and told that behavior is wrong and that's why people are punished and put in jail for it it's not okay but *I get how other people still think that it's okay because that's how they were raised but it's not ok I'm my opinion *or beliefs.
> 
> ...



Well there are some major red flags there. I made the stuff that really alarmed me red.

Snuggling him like that? WTF???? If you didn't say anything, what did he do? Just let her? When you said something, did he realize that was inappropriate or did he think you were getting agitated over nothing?

Fondling herself on the bed with you guys in the room? Was she aware of what she was doing? That's another WTF.

There may or may not be something incestuous going on, but there is definitely a major lack of boundaries and they both seem to like the wrong kind of attention from each other.

BTW, I understand incest has happened historically and there does seem to be a cultural component to it. But I also think there is a NATURAL human revulsion to the idea. Most people do not have to be taught not to have sex with their children/siblings.


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

WorkingWife said:


> Well there are some major red flags there. I made the stuff that really alarmed me red.
> 
> Snuggling him like that? WTF???? If you didn't say anything, what did he do? Just let her? When you said something, did he realize that was inappropriate or did he think you were getting agitated over nothing?
> 
> ...


He acts like he didn't even notice or relize she was doing it. I caught her around Christmas rubbing her leg on him while my back was to her little did she know I was watching her in a morrow and every time I turned my head to look back at her she stopped. She did it over and over untill I called her out on it and asked her what the **** she was doing and why was she only doing it when my back was to her. 

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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

megrbaby87 said:


> Yes I have talked to him, fought with him, cried to him suggested counseling, he says hello and then he never follows through. I stay with him because I love him and we have a child together and I want to grow old with him but I'm not sure if it's healthy or not I know everyone has problems and granted we have even more personal problems but I haven't even gotten into that have caused massive stress. My child who just turned 7 who he's been raising since *she *was around 3 has been suffering from medical problems that we don't have all the answers to. *They just diagnosed her with Tourette syndrome* and she scheduled for an MRI soon *she has stomach problems* and the list goes on. I love him more than I loveed anybody my entire life and he is the only one I desire but he is so hot and cold lately and I'm sexual do to either my age or maybe the stress so this attention and looks that I'm getting and the current problems were having it's confusing and clouding me and making me have thoughts that break my heart to even think. It tears my soul to think of either of use with other people. I felt he was soul mate but lately things are different
> 
> Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk


There can be all kinds of reasons people have these medical conditions, but stress can be a major factor. Especially with stomach problems. Your *daughter* is *seven*, just a few years younger than his daughter was when you met and it sounds like if there was something inappropriate going on, it had already been going on.

Can you separate from him for awhile and take your daughter? See if her health magically improves if she's never alone with him?

******

When I had my step kids, their mom had been molested by her grandfather, she had all kinds of sexual boundary issues and went through a lot of boyfriends. One day her then boyfriend showed up unexpectedly to pick up the girls to take them to visit her as a "surprise." I didn't know what to do so I let them go. He had a pickup truck and put them in the back of it (this was a long time ago when people did that...) 

As he was getting them settled in, he rubbed the youngest girl's shoulder (she was 7 or 8). It was just a pat on the shoulder, but something about it, the way his hand lingered or moved... it creeped me the hell out. I felt my gut clench up and I told myself I was just being paranoid.

Well years later it came to light that "one of mom's boyfriends" molested the oldest girl. And it was THAT boyfriend. So not the one I saw him rub, but one of the others. And I think it may have been more than one of her boyfriends because she was already saying and doing "sexy" things that were very inappropriate for a 10 year old. Or she may have seen a lot of sex between her mom and guys. Something was off. Anyhow, sometimes you see something - a glance, a touch, a tone ... and it just sets off alarm bells.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

megrbaby87 said:


> He acts like he didn't even notice or relize she was doing it. I caught her around Christmas rubbing her leg on him while my back was to her little did she know I was watching her in a morrow and every time I turned my head to look back at her she stopped. She did it over and over untill I called her out on it and asked her what the **** she was doing and why was she only doing it when my back was to her.
> 
> Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk


OMG. It's NOT POSSIBLE he did not notice this.

Something very sick is going on.

Can you talk to a therapist or some professional about this? You could say you are getting independent counseling for yourself but find one who specializes in that sort of stuff. 

You need to get your biological daughter out of that house ASAP and talk to some professional type person who can help the older girl. Even if she is a monster - she's still a child and a victim if he's even just letting her do these weird things. 

I know you "love" this guy, but you can't let him destroy you and your daughter. If you are able to get some distance from him you may gain perspective and find you love being away from him too. ALSO can you get your youngest daughter into a child psychiatrist based on her "inexplicable" health issues? Maybe she will have a lot to say...


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

You really need to talk with a child advocate. This has red flags. Talk to then and leave it in their hands. When they come and interview tell them everything.


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

So I found a undershirt of his that I be live had been used to clean up after sex shoved In one of her dresser drawers. Now I will admit to being intimate in her room one time in the last couple months while she wasn't home. It was only because our child was asleep in our bed so we were being naughty and went in the other room since she was away at her mom's. The thing is I don't know if that was from us but I don't know why it was shoved in her dresser I would think we would of taken whatever clothes we had and put them.in the dirty clothes not her dresser. Anyway I saved it and put it in a zip lock and think maybe I should take it to get analyzed by a lap to make sure her DNA isn't on it. I could have them run it against a pair of her undergarments that are unwashed over here but Is where I would even take it too. 

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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Looks like the thread diverged into different territory, but I had to speak up.



SunCMars said:


> *If* A and D feel no guilt and *if* both BS's never find out.......and *if* neither A nor D want to dump their spouse for their affair partner, and *if* they continue to treat their BS's [otherwise] well, this would work out good for all.


Aside from this being near-impossible to sustain, it is only working out for the cheaters, not the BSes. Trust is a foundation of marriage, and without it, the marriage will begin to crumble, and the BS won't understand what's going on.

Cheating, even if never caught, steals time, attention and money away from the marriage and family. All the effort and resources the cheater puts into their affair should be going to the marriage. Without it, the marriage starves.

Granted, if it's a sexless marriage, it's already starving in a different fashion, but the cheater still has the option of dealing with it in a way that does not make the BS feel absolutely worthless.

An undetected cheater may still be treating their spouse well, but they certainly aren't treating them with love and respect.


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

*Found messages from my finances daughters old phone*

So I have been having serious concerns and recently things have made me suspicious of current partner. I found a old phone the belonged to his daughter about a year before we got together there was only a couple contacts and messages in it. Oh might I mention I found it locked in his gun safe which is something I don't have access to unless of course he forgets to take his house keys while going to work. What I don't get is this is a old phone from about 5 years ago but his new work number is programmed on it and he has only had it for a couple of years and this phone was not the phone she had when he got this new number so I'm wondering if he has been secretly using this phone. Why else would it have his number programmed in it https://cloud.tapatalk.com/s/58e332c3181f6/20170403_224312.jpg?







https://cloud.tapatalk.com/s/58e33317cb69c/20170403_224056.jpg?


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

*Re: Found messages from my finances daughters old phone*



megrbaby87 said:


> So I have been having serious concerns and recently things have made me suspicious of current partner. I found a old phone the belonged to his daughter about a year before we got together there was only a couple contacts and messages in it. Oh might I mention I found it locked in his gun safe which is something I don't have access to unless of course he forgets to take his house keys while going to work. What I don't get is this is a old phone from about 5 years ago but his new work number is programmed on it and he has only had it for a couple of years and this phone was not the phone she had when he got this new number so I'm wondering if he has been secretly using this phone. Why else would it have his number programmed in it https://cloud.tapatalk.com/s/58e332c3181f6/20170403_224312.jpg?
> 
> 
> 
> ...












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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Found messages from my finances daughters old phone*

Are these from last year (2016 )?


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

*Re: Found messages from my finances daughters old phone*



EleGirl said:


> Are these from last year (2016 )?


No they are from 2012 we got together in 2013 it's a old phone of hers that see used before the two of us got together. What I dont understand is why his new number is programmed in this phone and why is the phone hidden and why is he talking to a ten year old like that. She's 15 now

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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You started a new thread with images of the messages that are on that phone. I'm not sure that a second thread makes a lot of sense since people might not find it. I'm going to move the posts from that thread into this one. YOu will get better input if your story is in one thread.


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

Thank you what is your take ?

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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Found messages from my finances daughters old phone*



megrbaby87 said:


> No they are from 2012 we got together in 2013 it's a old phone of hers that see used before the two of us got together. What I dont understand is why his new number is programmed in this phone and why is the phone hidden and why is he talking to a ten year old like that. She's 15 now


Are sure those texts are from her?

ETA: When did he get the new phone number?


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

100% positive I even took the phone and his it so that it can't be errased. There is no way it's fabracaited there are a total of twenty something messages it's clear it's from her to him. Her Nick name is K dog. His work number is at the most 3 years old . I crossed off the number on the photo so that people don't call it 

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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

There is absolutely no reason his new number should be programmed in a old phone of hers that supposedly hasn't been used in over five years

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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The texts in the above images all say that they are "FROM DAD". 

So he texted the to his daughter? 

The only one of those that is questionable is the one that talks about a 'short ass skirt'. Why would he want a short skirt? It could be a joke?

What is the number that he was sending these texts to? Was it her number?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

megrbaby87 said:


> Yes I have talked to him, fought with him, cried to him suggested counseling, he says hello and then he never follows through. I stay with him because I love him and we have a child together and I want to grow old with him but I'm not sure if it's healthy or not I know everyone has problems and granted we have even more personal problems but I haven't even gotten into that have caused massive stress. My child who just turned 7 who he's been raising since she was around 3 has been suffering from medical problems that we don't have all the answers to. They just diagnosed her with Tourette syndrome and she scheduled for an MRI soon she has stomach problems and the list goes on. I love him more than I loveed anybody my entire life and he is the only one I desire but he is so hot and cold lately and I'm sexual do to either my age or maybe the stress so this attention and looks that I'm getting and the current problems were having it's confusing and clouding me and making me have thoughts that break my heart to even think. It tears my soul to think of either of use with other people. I felt he was soul mate but lately things are different
> 
> Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk


Put a VAR in the house or a hidden cam. His behaviour does not make sense at all. You need to watch your younger children.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

*Re: Found messages from my finances daughters old phone*



megrbaby87 said:


> No they are from 2012 we got together in 2013 it's a old phone of hers that see used before the two of us got together. What I dont understand is why his new number is programmed in this phone and why is the phone hidden and why is he talking to a ten year old like that. She's 15 now
> 
> Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk


If his new number is on it, then the messages would be more recent. Maybe its a way of communicating without anyone else knowing?


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

*Re: Found messages from my finances daughters old phone*



aine said:


> If his new number is on it, then the messages would be more recent. Maybe its a way of communicating without anyone else knowing?


That's what I was thinking. Myself too

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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I didn't yet read the whole thread so apologies if I missed this. 

Are the old phones still active through wifi? Do they have sim cards that can be transferred between the old and new phone?


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## megrbaby87 (Mar 30, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> I didn't yet read the whole thread so apologies if I missed this.
> 
> Are the old phones still active through wifi? Do they have sim cards that can be transferred between the old and new phone?


I don't belive there is a slot for a SIM it's a very old phone lol a flip phone. But they are the same service verzion and it dose have the capability to have internet . I have thought that for quit some time he had more then one ogine because when I would get messages sometimes if I would check the call details this is what it said. 
If you notice it looks as though his phone number is sending his own number and my number the message. Idk why that is but I have my suspicions so I down loaded the verzion messaging app on to my phone and found that it's capable of all sorts of hi tech stuff









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