# In Need of Support :(



## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

I feel like I am losing it while sitting here at work.

I posted earlier on another thread that last night I found out he was searching up this girl who he cheated on his ex with and talked to during there entire marriage. I questioned him about it and became very upset because I just felt betrayed in a way because obviously he was searching her up for a reason. He searched for her brother and even looked up the school she went to, to find her. He says everybody looks up old flames or people from the past all the time. Maybe it just comes at a bad time....

Anyway, what has gotten me to this point is that after not talking to him all day I send him a text merely saying who will be babysitting our daughter tomorrow and he flies off the handle. Telling me to leave him alone, that he hates my guts, that he never loved me, that he never wants to talk to me again. He says to never talk to him again unless it is about our daughter. So I fly into tears because it hurts so badly to hear that coming from a man who supposedly loved me. 

I know I shouldn't care or act like I care what he's doing but when things are in front of my face it's hard not to in the heat of the moment get upset. I wish I wouldn't have said anything and just went on but it's so hard to do.

I feel like a desperate loser right now. Why can't I just move on?! I'm so angry at myself and now feel even worse that he said what he just told me. I keep saying he will regret it once he leaves...now I know he won't. He just seems so happy and here I am heartbroken and embarassing myself at work over a man who doesn't love me. I want to be strong and move on but I feel like I will dwell on this forever. I just wish I knew there would come a day when he would come begging back but that day obviously isn't going to come. 

How, how can I get over this? Right now I just feel myself breaking down.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You can't move on because you still care for him...perfectly natural and certainly NOT loser material! 

How do you get over this????? Show him and yourself a better YOU! Develop ways to boost your confidence even though it probably feels like it's at an all-time low. Do what you can to work on your inside and outside; exercise; counseling; meeting new people; volunteer; church; self help books; reaching out to others; hobby; new hair style; and smile at others (even when you want to cry).....

I understand the feelings of being "tossed" aside. Read my "Real World" threads...they are long and hard for me to read. I'm a different woman than 6 months ago!

Hang in there.


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## boarderwayne (Feb 14, 2010)

Corpus is right, your not a loser because you care about him and it hurts to hear he doesn't care about you. Anybody would feel like s*** when that happens. I know i sure did and still do but you just got to keep your head high and like corpus said work on you and making yourself better. Do it for yourself though not him.


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## ZoeCat (Nov 20, 2009)

whattodo17 said:


> I feel like a desperate loser right now. Why can't I just move on?! I'm so angry at myself and now feel even worse that he said what he just told me. I keep saying he will regret it once he leaves...now I know he won't. He just seems so happy and here I am heartbroken and embarassing myself at work over a man who doesn't love me. I want to be strong and move on but I feel like I will dwell on this forever. I just wish I knew there would come a day when he would come begging back but that day obviously isn't going to come.
> 
> How, how can I get over this? Right now I just feel myself breaking down.


I am sitting here at work not wanting to go home to an empty house. Yours was the first post I saw tonight and the above section was exactly how I feel right now. Just know that you aren't the only one feeling like this. I wish we weren't. Just take things one step at a time. Do not get down about dwelling on this... the thoughts come and go. Trust me, I have it happen every day. Corpus has good advice. I've learned a lot from her thread.

We are all for you. I'm thinking about you...


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Thanks for the replies.

Corpus-I had actually read your thread once before and thought to myself wow she really seems like a new and better person! I just hope that I can do the same thing. Right now I feel that will never happen. I had been going to the gym everyday until I fractured my ankle last week and have bronchitis . Counseling has really been my only saving grace but since my counselor is out of town for a month(she said she can do a phone consultation but that my insurance may or may not approve it)..I just feel like a lost puppy.

boarder-Thanks I needed to hear that .

Zoe-What I wouldn't give for this not to be happening to me. The only good thing out of this is that at least it happened now instead of way later down the road. And as he told me yesterday, "he just isn't the type to stay married and he now realizes he just doesn't want to be married". I am so glad I found this site because really it's been the only thing that has really helped me.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Whattodo17,

Just remember to look within yourself -- your strength lies there. Whether you realize it or not. Focus on you and your child. Just forget about your H right now. Don't listen to his words at all. Just watch his actions and even that right now is only fifty-fifty.

I know it is hard, but life will get better. You are young -- you have your whole life ahead of you. Just keep moving forward, one baby step at a time. Listen to CW -- she is a rock!!!!


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

FA-I just can't read his actions right now. He stays gone but then like the other day wanted me to go out to eat with him. Then when he found out I had lunch plans it kinda seemed to bother him because he kept saying, "If you're going to meet a guy I would wear this" or something to that extent. Then again he searches up some old gf and is gone everyday going places to avoid me I assume. You are right though, time to do things for me. I had lunch with a friend of mine and it felt good to get out for a while anyway. You are right about CW but you are also great with advice too!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Then just don't think about his words or actions What. Do what you need to do for you. Start by just doing one thing a day for you and just you. Hope your ankle is better.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

I just don't know this A--hole that I am married to anymore. I knew he had this side to him just didn't realize he would do it to me. 

Last night I came home and was sitting up still so I thought, hmmm this is strange. Well, I get on the computer to find that he erased the history. I can see out of the corner of my eye that he is looking and smiling. I just kinda laugh and finish what I'm doing and go on...he says, "What?" and laughs again. The whole time I am on the Internet, I see him watching out of the corner of my eye. I say nothing and get up and go to bed. He sat up most of the night last night because I could hear him in the living room every so often getting up and going to the refrigerator. I think me not getting angry about it when he knew that I would threw him for a loop.

Anyway, FA you are right I just need to quit thinking about his actions. It's just really hard when he seems to do some of what he's doing to me out of spite. It's like he wants an argument or something?

Thanks for asking about my ankle. I still can't put weight on it but I can tell it's improving . Can't wait to get back in the gym. On a side note, I've now lost 10 pounds in the past 3 weeks. Yay!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> I knew he had this side to him just didn't realize he would do it to me.


Divorce has a way of fracturing the good and evil in all of us in that we are often two people walking around exhibiting both sides.

Even though I have been the one very sentimental about the marriage, loved her more than she loved me, I have certainly acted like an a-hole during the divorce. I would absolutely admit it. I would also "justify" it in the same breath that I needed to act like this lest I get treated like a doormat. Whether it's a worthy justification, I am not sure.

All of the sudden, in divorce, your loved partner becomes an opponent and one that knows your every move, your every weakness. You have to watch your back and play hardball. I know it's sad. . .but it's often true. (there are exceptions) 

All I can say is that I know it doesn't seem it, but all research proves this out - that it is equally hard on the Leaver and it is the Left. It really doesn't matter.


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

I know how you feel on being insulted and yelled at. Last time I verbally talked to my stbx W she was *****ing at me cause she said she had a lawyer and I asked her/his name so I could let mine know and did she have any questions or comments for me. She blew up at me and after talking to my lawyer I gave her the chance to make grown up decisions about our taxes and our brand new house she so easily left. Tried to call and she had her work # and her new cell # changed. Oh well. Despite all the pain , hurt , and anger I feel at least I know I can completely give myself to someone. Which for me that is a big stepping stone. Take a stand . Box his **** up and tell him to come get it. I am blessed to have good friends and family around right now which I used to never have. This has made all the difference. Be the good person , don't let him walk over you , and take the path less traveled and it will make all the difference to you.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Yes Whattodo, I came to a fork in the road and I took the path less traveled. Who knows who wrote that?



















Steven Frost


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

I just don't get him I really don't.

I hadn't talked to him really since Thursday when he cussed me and told me to only talk to him about our daughter. Then yesterday he text saying how he was sorry he forgot to get milk and started talking about how they cut his hours at work. I didn't respond. 
Then today as I have spent half the day cleaning this house after he didn't pick up a thing over the past week I text him asking him to at least pick up our daughter's toys and wipe off her table after she eats. He called and cussed me! So I hung up and sent a text telling him to not speak to me again and that not to bother I have let go and am not trying to work things out anymore. So he calls me then, apologizing for yelling. What? Then starts talking nicely about whats going on with him and that he is going to leave me the furniture minus a few things. I just don't get it! He said he has to leave for his sanity...then started laughing. What a nice thing to say.

I just wish I had a fast forward button on life so I could skip these next few months!


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## boarderwayne (Feb 14, 2010)

> I just wish I had a fast forward button on life so I could skip these next few months!


I was just watching that Adam Sandler movie the other day where he gets a remote and can fast forward through whatever he wants. I was thinking man, I wish I had one of those right now lol. Can't think of the name right now, think it was Click or something like that.


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

I want one too =P


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

I would definitely fast forward tonight for sure!

He is staying the night with our daughter at his friends house, he just text to let me know. Don't know why this bothers me as he will be gone anyway, just kinda hurts. I just bawled my eyes out. Usually I would have text some smart a** comment back but instead just chose to cry and ignore him. Life is so easy for him right now. Tra-la-la! While I am picking up the pieces of my broken heart. Why do I let myself feel this way? 

I was doing so well and felt strong, now back to square one!


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

I thought about it earlier today. Marriage is never 50/50. And with the breaks up a lot of us on here sometimes it is 100/9. We are the ones who are left with all the pain and grief while they are the ones free. It hurts and it sucks but I am looking at it like this is something I had to go through in life for whats to come. Honestly I don't miss my wife atm. It might change tomorrow. But oh well she ain't coming back and honestly after all that has been done I don't want her back.


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