# I deserve a divorce



## delusional_me (Dec 3, 2013)

My husband of 9 years wants a divorce and its tearing me apart…but I caused it all and I feel worthless. Here is my story….i have known my husband for 12 years and we’ve been married for 9 years and blessed with 3 wonderful kids aged 9,5 and 3. We met when he was 21 and I was barely 18, we connected right from the first day. We were so much in love. He was very supportive and caring and I just wanted to be with him everytime.
In 2003, after about two years of dating I made a terrible by having sex with a guy I had met for just about two weeks who seemed like a nice guy and promised me the world. I was young and naïve(20years old by then), and ended up with a pregnancy and hepatitis B. I told my bf I was pregnant for him and we decided to get married. We got married the following year in 2004. He discovered six months into our marriage about the affair and was so shattered. We went to counselling and agreed to remain married despite the affair and the child(who is legally his child).
I wouldn’t say our marriage was perfect, but we didn’t have major issues. He worked and I was the stay at home mom, taking care of our little girl. Sometime in 2007, I reconnected with an old ex and things got steamy. My husband found out from my phone records and text messages and decided that he wanted to end the marriage and took me to my parents. My parents pleaded and swore it would not happen again, and our marriage was restored. But no counselling or anything concrete, just occasional pieces of advice from my mother.
We were getting along just fine, no major issues, but nothing really exciting in our marriage, the sex was not bad and the finances could be better. We had two more kids by the year 2012. Around January 2012 I reconnected with an old ex (one I never told my husband about), and we hit it off instantly. He was also married with kids living in another country, so after a couple of meetings when he had to go back, we stayed connected via phone and text messages. We had it going for about a year, and then I met another guy on WhatsApp, who I began emotional affair with around February 2013. My attitudes had changed and my husband found out about the emotional affair with this new guy, during his investigations he discovered the affair with my ex also. He wouldn’t talk to me for days, I couldn’t go to my mom so I asked my auntie and her pastor to come and plead on my behalf, after several days my husband agreed to forgive me and keep me as his wife. I felt so evil and didn’t know what to do with my life, I re dedicated my life to God and went for Bible classes to build my faith. My husband and I began to work on our marriage and we went through several materials and sessions to build us up.
My mother-in-law passed away in July and I believe this brought my husband and I very close to each other. Fast forward to September and one guy I used to exchange **** with on WhatsApp, reconnected with me and I forgot all about all the work I had put in to restore my marriage. We continued from where we left off and things got more serious, we will meet every now and then and do our own thing…he was the husband of my friend. Around the same time I found another guy on whatsapp, who expressed interest in me, I was a little hesitant but after a couple of weeks I gave in and things got steamy. We began exchanging nude pics and things were moving very fast. We met over lunch and I must say we really connected. My husband sniffed the affair and confronted me about it, naturally I denied it and carried on with it..i even denied it to my auntie when my husband told her about it.
After a couple of weeks, things got very far with this guy and we exchanged a lot more nudes and also met couple of times to consummate the affair, I would go and meet him in a hotel when my husband went to work and the kids went to school. Luck run out when my husband found the pics on my phone, and I couldn’t deny it anymore and I had to also confess to the sexual encounters. Its been almost a month now and he doesn’t want anything to do with me….i think I deserve all this…


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

I think you deserve all of it too.

You'll be lucky to find sympathy here on a board comprised of predominantly betrayed spouses.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Your husband should have divorced you as soon as he found he been duped into marriage. Now there are two more kids in the mix.

You're a serial cheater. Get a job and get professional help.

I feel so sorry for your husband and your poor children.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

Anyhoo, now I've had my moment of being an a$$hole, I'll offer some advice.

Get yourself some IC to find out why you make the poor choices that you do, and why you seem unable to be faithful to your husband.


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## MyTurn (Oct 27, 2013)

Op,
yes you do.
He gave you more then twice a chance to be the wife he loves but you kept on cheating.
Do him the best gift you can and divorce him. Give him full custody
of your children.
Let him fix his life again with someone who will truly love him.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

is Talk About Marriage - View Profile: wasted_life your husben?


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Seek IC immediately. You need to figure what leads you to make these decisions.

Seems like every time you become comfortable in your marriage - you seek outside validation.

As for your husband - you need to give him his space to make a decision in his best interest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

jack.c said:


> is Talk About Marriage - View Profile: wasted_life your husben?


Does it matter? If he was wanting to remain anonymous, you throwing him under the bus probably isn't going to do anything but stroke her ego.

To the OP: I agree with Azteca. The first thing you need to do is get into IC. Not some pastor or family member who is just going to quote bible verses at you. A _real_ professional experienced with these kinds of things. Perhaps then you can find out why you are a serial cheater, and make no mistake, that is exactly what you are. You might also want to ask yourself how you would feel if the same things had been done to you. I know introspection is hard for selfish people, but it is necessary for you to determine why you do the things you do. You know deep inside that there is something wrong with you, until you determine what that is and get help for it you will never truly be happy. 

You then might begin to understand the pain you have caused to everyone around you and can begin to make amends (if possible).


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

Anyone else smell troll? Both spouses creating accounts and posting on the same day in different forums?

Why do that? What purpose does it serve?

I'm just curious what makes some folks tick, I guess.


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## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Seriously, people have nothing better to do!!!!


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## delusional_me (Dec 3, 2013)

to all thinking its a troll...its not. yes we both posted the same day, its gotten to a point where support is not coming from anywhere(not my family, not from friends), he doesnt have any family(his mother passed away in July, his father passed away almost 15 years ago). we were just talking and I suggested TAM where some 'genuine' people offered advice on such issues. if you do not have any advice, then just read post and ignore


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

delusional_me said:


> to all thinking its a troll...its not. yes we both posted the same day, its gotten to a point where support is not coming from anywhere(not my family, not from friends), he doesnt have any family(his mother passed away in July, his father passed away almost 15 years ago). we were just talking and I suggested TAM where some 'genuine' people offered advice on such issues. if you do not have any advice, then just read post and ignore


Quite a bit of advice has been offered.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

No one lives like this. If this is true, you are frankly insane.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Maybe marriage is not for you.. You don't have to be married.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Troll or not, what the hell is wrong with you?

Seriously, what do you think is wrong with you? 

If not a troll...

You can't possibly believe what you have done is acceptable in any form or fashion. Why do you do this? How can you go from one dude to another like it's nothing? Each time getting caught and then starting again. 

I do not think TAM is the place for you. We can neither support you nor help with what you suffer from.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Why did your husband not mention that his first kid wasn't even biologically his or the fact that you caught Hep from your first affair partner?

What are you seeking? Advice? Recommendations? Venting? Thrills?


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

I sense a troll here.

If not, then OP: you get what you get. You're broken and need to fix yourself. Let your husband go. He's got a lot to fix himself - no healthy male would put up with what you've put him through. If the first kid isn't his, then don't try to bag him for support. If you want to honor this guy at all (and I'm sure he's no saint either), then let him go. Today.

You need validation/affirmation from men and it seems you will do whatever it takes to get that. Get counseling and fix yourself.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

I reported these threads to the mods. We'll see what comes of it. There is so much similarity between writing styles (mostly husband's second post) for these to be two separate people.

Move along, folks. Nothing to see here.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

Honorbound said:


> Does it matter? If he was wanting to remain anonymous, you throwing him under the bus probably isn't going to do anything but stroke her ego.




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Honorbound said:


> Anyone else smell troll? Both spouses creating accounts and posting on the same day in different forums?
> 
> Why do that? What purpose does it serve?
> 
> I'm just curious what makes some folks tick, I guess.



THATS WHY I ASKED! you gave yourself the answer.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Your writing style - especially the way you described yourself and your early relationship with your husband - is exactly like that of your husband - the exact same phrases etc. You two do have a lot in common!


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## delusional_me (Dec 3, 2013)

its obvious we are not going to get any advice from on here. maybe i was wrong about this forum


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

delusional_me said:


> its obvious we are not going to get any advice from on here. maybe i was wrong about this forum


Lol. You have gotten quite a bit of advice, yet you have chosen to ignore it.... which, coincidentally, just reinforces the opinion that you are trolling.

If you truly aren't, then read what some of us have suggested. It really is the only way forward for you if you want to move forward.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

delusional_me said:


> its obvious we are not going to get any advice from on here. maybe i was wrong about this forum


But you didn't ask for advice in your post. You posted your story. 

Not sure what you are looking for.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

Why would you want advice? The only advice you deserve is to let him go painlessly, give him the divorce, and let him out of a toxic horrible marriage...


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## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

Lol, you totally posted as your husband on his thread under your usernmae, ha! You must of changed it once you realized it but it still says "delusional_me" posted blah blah...and now it says "wasted_life" 

Busted....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Funny, how the mods will ban you for calling a troll out, but not ban the trolls themselves.


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## unheld (Sep 20, 2013)

delusional_me said:


> its obvious we are not going to get any advice from on here. maybe i was wrong about this forum


Standard trolling last-ditch attempt at stirring it up.

I think the fact that the "husband" does not mention the first kid is not his says all that needs to be said about the veracity of both posts.
:bsflag::loser::liar:


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Hmmmm...... I could not finish reading this.

the OP seems to validate the statement that 
Once a cheater, always a cheater.

This makes me sad 
I will stop before I start lashing out to this woman


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## Hartbrok (Jul 16, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> Your writing style - especially the way you described yourself and your early relationship with your husband - is exactly like that of your husband - the exact same phrases etc. You two do have a lot in common!


Some people are sicker than I imagined.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

*Assuming you aren't a troll*

Advice:

Keep your damn pants on.

Get in to IC. Find out why you behave in such a disgusting way.

Sort yourself out.

Stop hurting those that love you.

And finally get off the forum, you'll get no help here aside from what's already been offered.

*Assuming you ARE a troll*

Get off the forum.


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## Married27 (Jul 30, 2013)

Ok, seriously I don't think attacking OP is right. I do not condone her actions but she deserves advice just like the rest of us. 

Now OP you were not ready for a serious relationship much less a marriage. You made mistakes and now you are stuck in the reality in which you have created for yourself. I honestly just feel bad for your children. One day OP you will have to answer to them, they will know the truth. They will know of your infidelity and understand why the marriage ended they way it did. They will judge you and blame you for all their mistakes, thats just they way it goes. Unless you try and do right by them.

Please focus on your children, relationships should be the very last thing on your mind. You have three children you brought into this world, give them love and try to give those children a sense of security. They are your responsibility you cannot expect much from your soon to be ex husband. He has been a gentleman you are lucky you didn't disrespect the 'wrong' guy, you could have been beaten silly for your actions. I hope things work out for you and specially your kids. 


Best of luck


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## delusional_me (Dec 3, 2013)

thank you married, i had a lengthy session with counselor yesterday, he also talked about the same things, i am going to be there for my kids and hopefully they will forgive me someday


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