# Girlfriend is mad at what I did, but I think she should be happy



## shalmend (Nov 8, 2015)

My girlfriend and I have a 4 year old son. He was an unexpected surprise. Unexpected to my girlfriend, but not to me. The thing is, I kind of tampered with a condom in order for her to get pregnant. The reason why I did it was because I really wanted to be a dad and I was in a good place financially and a part of me at the time was worried that she might split up with me. I wasn't thinking straight and I know that. It was silly I know, and I'm not proud of it. 

A month ago I told her and it's been nothing but arguing ever since. I guess I can't blame her for being mad but I don't see why she can't look at the positive side, which is our son. I know she has the right to be mad, I get it, but surely at some point the arguing has to end so we can move on and look at the bright side. 

It's ongoing. It's totally disrupting our relationship. I had no idea it was going to be like this. I didn't exactly expect her to be like "oh? ok, don't do it again", but her reaction is worse that I could have imagined. Again I'm not excusing myself but I really want us to be able to move past this. 

I keep telling her to focus on the fact that we have a son and to forgive me, but she's just always so mad at me. I can't say or do anything to get us to a point where we can somehow bring some closure. She should be happy that something good came of it even if I was a jerk for doing what I did.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

How old are you two?

Betrayal comes in many forms. You've betrayed her so it will take some time to make amends.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

No one would or should be okay with what you did. She will probably leave you over this.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

She feels tricked into becoming a parent with _you_, a choice she might never have chosen otherwise. She now sees you as an adversary, someone who has proved he plots and plays against her, not as a team. She doesn't trust you anymore. 

She might love your son, but that doesn't mean she has to be happy with you or forgive you. You may not ever be able to "move past" this. Her idea of "closure" might very well be to leave you.

You didn't really ask a question or ask for advice, but I'll tell you if you continue to try to minimize her legitimate feelings about your deception (by expecting her to just get over it and on your timetable, as you seem to), you'll push her away even farther, if she isn't gone already.


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

Jerk? You took it upon yourself to permanently alter the course of HER life without HER permission. You seriously violated her trust. That's the way she sees it. That's the way it is. Trying to get her to focus on her son and downplaying the impact of your poor decisions would be like me telling my wife: "Honey, I'm sorry I cheated on you but look at all the good that come from it. We're so much better off because of the work we've taken the opportunity to do on our marriage as a result of my actions." 
Now, I have never said that which is good because I would be wrong. The presence of your son is a great thing. The fact that you deceived her and took it upon yourself to force your GF into a position she may not have wanted to be in is not. If you ever wise up and realize that you owe her an apology, the only words of out of your mouth should be, "I'm sorry. I lied to you and made decisions impacting your life and well being without your consent. It was wrong for me to do that." Period.

I can't promise you that your relationship can ever be salvaged. I'm not saying it can't be but you will never make your GF forgive you. She might not. That's up to her. I would pursue some joint counseling for a bit if for no other reason than to help begin an amicable relationship on which you two can raise your son.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

You basically used this woman's body to incubate a child you wanted without consulting her on it. You also did it to trap her into the relationship with you as you thought she might leave. You completely overruled any thoughts and plans she had for her future to impose your own on her.

And you don't see this as a HUGE betrayal of her trust in you? A HUGE disrespect of her agency as a human being to make her own choices, about her relationship and her own body?

Right now, she's doing some real soul searching to see if she can stay with a man she can't trust. With a man who used her. With a man who used an innocent life to manipulate her into doing what he wanted.

She's just found out that for the last four and a bit years, you're not the man she thought you were. It turns out you're a jerk! She's adjusting to finding out who you actually are, and deciding what she wants to do about it. You have to hang in there, patiently showing her that you are no longer the man who did that, that you respect her now, and that you are reliable. Telling her to 'get over it already' which is basically what you described you are doing is not being supportive or demonstrating understanding of what she's going through, that you caused.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

This sounds a lot like that that other thread with the guy wanting to trick the gf into getting pregnant. Methinks someone has time on their hands to make up stories.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You seem to not understand the gravity of your betrayal of her trust.

If she were my daughter, I'd advise her to leave you. Why? Because if you will force her into a pregnancy like this, you are capable of deceiving her and harming her for your own perceived gain. You don't see her as an individual with rights but instead as property that you can use as you want.


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## shalmend (Nov 8, 2015)

Well I'm glad that you're all acknowledging that what I did was bad. Perhaps it should also be acknowledged that what I did was in fact something that a huge number of women do. Waaaaay more than men. 

I'm not trying to get off the hook, I'm just saying let's get real.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

shalmend said:


> Well I'm glad that you're all acknowledging that what I did was bad. Perhaps it should also be acknowledged that what I did was in fact something that a huge number of women do. Waaaaay more than men.
> 
> I'm not trying to get off the hook, I'm just saying let's get real.


So is this story not real and you're trying to start a discussion about it?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

shalmend said:


> Well I'm glad that you're all acknowledging that what I did was bad. Perhaps it should also be acknowledged that what I did was in fact something that a huge number of women do. Waaaaay more than men.
> 
> I'm not trying to get off the hook, I'm just saying let's get real.


Great argument. Now it's okay what you did cause woman have done it. Sheesh.


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## shalmend (Nov 8, 2015)

richie33 said:


> Great argument. Now it's okay what you did cause woman have done it. Sheesh.


That's not what I said at all.


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

shalmend said:


> Well I'm glad that you're all acknowledging that what I did was bad. Perhaps it should also be acknowledged that what I did was in fact something that a huge number of women do. Waaaaay more than men.
> 
> I'm not trying to get off the hook, I'm just saying let's get real.


While I understand what you're saying, they're not you. Your girlfriend does not care what they do. She cares what you do. Just because others make the same bad choice that you do does not decrease the gravity of your bad choice. 
If you actually care at all about salvaging your relationship, a little repentance goes a long way. You can continue to try to justify your actions and you will find yourself very alone in the process. Or, you can admit you screwed up and begin trying to fix it.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Deceit and betrayal....involving another human life....not to be perceived as a big deal....interesting.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

shalmend said:


> That's not what I said at all.


Yes it is.


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## shalmend (Nov 8, 2015)

richie33 said:


> Yes it is.


No it's not. You put words in my mouth. Prove me wrong by quoting me.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

shalmend said:


> My girlfriend and I have a 4 year old son. He was an unexpected surprise. Unexpected to my girlfriend, but not to me. The thing is, I kind of tampered with a condom in order for her to get pregnant. The reason why I did it was because I really wanted to be a dad and I was in a good place financially and a part of me at the time was worried that she might split up with me. I wasn't thinking straight and I know that. It was silly I know, and I'm not proud of it.
> 
> A month ago I told her and it's been nothing but arguing ever since. I guess I can't blame her for being mad but I don't see why she can't look at the positive side, which is our son. I know she has the right to be mad, I get it, but surely at some point the arguing has to end so we can move on and look at the bright side.
> 
> ...


It's terrible to think that this woman wasted an ovum on your spawn, to whom you'll probably pass your horrible morality.

Hopefully she'll come to her senses soon and dump you in order to keep that from happening.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

shalmend said:


> Well I'm glad that you're all acknowledging that what I did was bad. Perhaps it should also be acknowledged that what I did was in fact something that a huge number of women do. Waaaaay more than men.
> 
> *I'm not trying to get off the hook*, I'm just saying let's get real.


That's exactly what it sounds like you're doing. And your GF thinks so, too, but she isn't letting you off the hook.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

shalmend said:


> No it's not. You put words in my mouth. Prove me wrong by quoting me.


So why are you bringing it up if it's not your argument? You should be concerned with what YOU did.


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## shalmend (Nov 8, 2015)

norajane said:


> That's exactly what it sounds like you're doing. And your GF thinks so, too, but she isn't letting you off the hook.


No, she just wants to torment me forever for something that women do every day of the week, instead of communicating with me and letting us resolve this. I'm trying to communicate with her, but she isn't letting that happen. What am I supposed to do? Grovel endlessly? I've apologized umpteen times and asked her what I can do to make things better but she doesn't want to know. It's ridiculous when you consider how many men this happens to and they just take it, smile, and say oh well. If a woman deceives you, man up, but if you did the deceiving, you must suffer forever.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

And making up stories aside, everyone knows some women do this and everyone besides the few who do it thinks it's sh!tty.

This thread serves no purpose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shalmend (Nov 8, 2015)

richie33 said:


> So why are you bringing it up if it's not your argument? You should be concerned with what YOU did.


No quote, huh? So you're just making **** up and saying that I said it.


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## shalmend (Nov 8, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> And making up stories aside, everyone knows some women do this and everyone besides the few who do it thinks it's sh!tty.
> 
> This thread serves no purpose.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah some. More like a huge number. But women don't like talking about it because it makes them look bad, and we can't have that now, can we. Maybe my girlfriend should woman up.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Troll.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Hey, have you started picking out baby names yet?

You know... for the kids that your girlfriend will likely have w/ your son's future stepfather?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

shalmend said:


> Yeah some. More like a huge number. But women don't like talking about it because it makes them look bad, and we can't have that now, can we. Maybe my girlfriend should woman up.


Actually, she should totally _man_ up.

As in upgrade her man.

Shouldn't be too difficult for her to do that.

You know... considering who and what her current piece of sh... er... man is.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

shalmend said:


> Yeah some. More like a huge number. But women don't like talking about it because it makes them look bad, and we can't have that now, can we. Maybe my girlfriend should woman up.


Go back to data and statistics compilation and interpretation 101 darlin'. You proclaiming it's a huge number means nothing, unless you personally have thousands of kids by thousands of baby mamas and know personally that they all lied. 

Go back to a red pill site and b!tch about women there. They appreciate made up stuff.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Actually, she should totally _man_ up.
> 
> As in upgrade her man.
> 
> ...


You think he actually has a gf? I'm not sure I'd give him that much credit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

shalmend said:


> Well I'm glad that you're all acknowledging that what I did was bad. Perhaps it should also be acknowledged that what I did was in fact something that a huge number of women do. Waaaaay more than men.
> 
> I'm not trying to get off the hook, I'm just saying let's get real.


This is about as lame an excuse as it gets.

A woman who gets pregnant to trap a guy also done something bad and cannot be trusted.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

shalmend said:


> No, she just wants to torment me forever for something that women do every day of the week, instead of communicating with me and letting us resolve this. *I'm trying to communicate with her, but she isn't letting that happen.* What am I supposed to do? Grovel endlessly? I've apologized umpteen times and asked her what I can do to make things better but she doesn't want to know. It's ridiculous when you consider how many men this happens to and they just take it, smile, and say oh well. If a woman deceives you, man up, but if you did the deceiving, you must suffer forever.


She is communicating with you in exactly the same manner that you communicated to her what you did to that prophylactic.


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## shalmend (Nov 8, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> Go back to data and statistics compilation and interpretation 101 darlin'. You proclaiming it's a huge number means nothing, unless you personally have thousands of kids by thousands of baby mamas and know personally that they all lied.
> 
> Go back to a red pill site and b!tch about women there. They appreciate made up stuff.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Listen babe, you know it and everyone knows it. Women are scum. Go shove a rattlesnake up your snatch.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

shalmend said:


> Yeah some. More like a huge number. But women don't like talking about it because it makes them look bad, and we can't have that now, can we. Maybe my girlfriend should woman up.


The women who trick their partners into parenthood are just as reprehensible as you. Does it make you feel better to hear a woman say that?


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## shalmend (Nov 8, 2015)

norajane said:


> The women who trick their partners into parenthood are just as reprehensible as you. Does it make you feel better to hear a woman say that?


Yeah. Now say that huge numbers of women do it, you cu nt.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

shalmend said:


> Listen babe, you know it and everyone knows it. Women are scum. Go shove a rattlesnake up your snatch.


Oh, that's harsh.....don't know how I"ll sleep tonight.

Nobody's forcing you to have anything to do with us sweetheart. It's no loss to womankind if you stick to your own kind.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

shalmend said:


> Listen babe, you know it and everyone knows it. Women are scum. Go shove a rattlesnake up your snatch.


Is this how you are trying to communicate with your gf? I can see why she isn't having it.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It would be good if this were a troll.

The thoughts of it not are ugh!


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