# I'm feeling broken I'm really jacked up-- again!!



## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/36209-filed-today.html I filed friday technically it isn't filed till tomorrow today we went with daughter shopping out to eat she
then she went to work -- she has been working nights lately which has been a Godsend time for me with my daughter & time to think. I was starting to have some remorse over starting the process 
have I moved to quickly? Should I have confronted her first? I may be the only guy here that stayed underground so long. I was starting to feel could we actually save this? Could I get past the cheating if she was sincerely repentive? (more than just remorseful) then I discover on her new ipad the name of one A in mesages I was like wtf?! I had thought it was over now it maybe ongoing
and despite that I see her leaving for work and she looked pretty and it stirs my emotions she kissed me before going argghh I'm so jacked up again like D day!! Now I'm wondering if I care enough to track down the OM and kick his ass - i know that wouldn't be a good move for court but would feel good. I I know his name facebook, myspace, phone. I feel like why the hell did you throw us away? Why did you do this to our daughter? She keeps saying I love you and asking do you love me Argg Damn it!! Like in Mrs Doubtfire "this is beyond obsession". I don't think I can wait till she gets served to confront but I will wait a week into it because she set things in motion by her selfish decision to cheat so I have also set some things in motion to protect myself and my daughter . 
I'm going to make sure he. Is part of the RO's that my daughter can't be around him. I have been mentally cold up into now but I felt like I was going to lose it front of her I haven't cried since it started I have felt like it but haven't been able to really
mourn for the loss of the marriage, I feel like Kevin Costner in "no way out" when they killed his girlfriend and he couldn't say anything -- yeah I've seen too many movies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Unless you want to continue living in a one sided open marriage - which is pretty much what an affair turns a marriage into - then you have very little choice but to continue with your plan of action. You are not doing this out of revenge but simply to protect yourself and your daughter from a woman who has checked out of the marriage and is providing a bad example to her daughter on how a wife is suppose to behave towards her husband. If your wife likes living 'La Vida Loca' there is nothing you can do about it and divorce is the natural consequence of your wife's marital betrayals.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You're starting so many different threads its impossible to keep up with whats going on. Try to keep one thread going.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

morituri said:


> Unless you want to continue living in a one sided open marriage - which is pretty much what an affair turns a marriage into - then you have very little choice but to continue with your plan of action. You are not doing this out of revenge but simply to protect yourself and your daughter from a woman who has checked out of the marriage and is providing a bad example to her daughter on how a wife is suppose to behave towards her husband. If your wife likes living 'La Vida Loca' there is nothing you can do about it and divorce is the natural consequence of your wife's marital betrayals.


This is true she really has two faces I don't know if she really went to work or to see OM she lies with such ease.
I have to remind myself of what she has done. and I don't know how there could ever be trust again or true transparancy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

chapparal said:


> You're starting so many different threads its impossible to keep up with whats going on. Try to keep one thread going.


Sorry this will be it. I was wondering whether to stay in the other one or create a new one
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Stay in this one but provide the link to your first post so that people can read about your story.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Will do I have so many questions about all this they seem like separate threads but I will try to keep it here. I have a lot of anxiety about Confrontation Day and the future I don't know what the court will do I don't know how its all going to be for my daughter. She got really upset when her mom was going to leave for the weekend oh man I dread whats next.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

At this point I don't know what the wife feels toward me I think she is just worried about losing her meal ticket and is testing the waters but ten years is a long time. I don't know how C-day is going to go. My life has become a nightmare I can't wake up from.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You're not alone. We're here to give you emotional support. Take it from a divorce survivor. YOU WILL MAKE IT! COUNT ON IT!.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Thanks I appreciate that I faxed the info to the attorney for the server info. Now the wheels are set in motion.
I have been through many trials in this life this by far is the most profound. Can't see any light in this tunnel!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Help Today I'm working from home she's home sick today and her dad is here this will be a fun day :-(
i need to make an appointment quick and get outta here
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Made it through -- so far -- focused on work tried to stay out of tam - its like crack to the BS though. 
Played the good guy went out and got her soup for lunch ugg I was hoping to talk to attorney today not today!
all this time underground and playing normal is really weighing on me. 
"how's it going to be" by third eye blind is going in my head.
Also comically whenever I think of the house I hear "burning down the house" by talking heads but
just get one blast of David Byrne saying "my house!"
I can't sync my heart and head in all this I know D is the right thing but I really want to have cards on the table
I have been the idiot taken advantage of now I'm playing the idiot.
"and he (edit) feels as though he's in a play he is anyway"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Captain Kirk: "Scotty get us out of here!"
Mr Scott: "I've got no power cap'n, I'm 'ere all alone"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Captain Kirk: "Beam me up Scotty, this place sucks!"


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

If you're doing what I was doing in my own situation, you're re-evaluating every detail from the beginning, second guessing things you did because you're not able to remember how you felt at the time. I felt like crap because I was second guessing a decision I know I felt good about making at the time it made it. 

If that sounds like what you're going though, my advice is to stop doing things that enable you to re-evaluate your decision. Force yourself as best as you can to shut down for a few days and distance yourself from her. If her kissing you makes you re-evaluate your decision, stop letting her do it.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Face Book had a hand in screwing wiht my marriage too!!

I think we are trying to work past it though. He came out of the dark only yesterday, but we were communicating all the while before while we were seperated because of other circomstances.

Facebook can lead insecure marriages into trouble!!!!

My emotional affair was started on FB, with my marraige already having no communication...so through communicating with another grew a false attraction....

His affair was so called started on FB too. I started to find out about it only about 3 weeks ago through a FB comment from the other woman on his wall. I messaged her right away telling her I was his wife and what were her intentions wiht my husband. So I confronted right away even without knowing the full extant at what I was walking into. She never replied back, just blocked non-friends from messaging. Then she decided to message me last Saturday night while I was spending the night wiht my Husband. I got the message on Sunday early afternoon and confronted my husband right away. he denied anythihng was going on, but it really stunk to me. So I continued to message this girl confronting even more
(cat fight like desperate house wives)

There is more, but yes Facebook destroys marraiges that are already rocky....One affair after the other here


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Like to beat the crap out of zuckerberg -extreme blame shifting yes would help situation-no Christian attitude-no am I normally violent-no does he deserve it -hell yes!
Thanks I am second guessing having filed and waiting for the bomb to go off--things at the beginning I was in anger/shock now that I filed I do have feelings for her but its for a version of her that doesn't exist the nice non cheating b.... She is a total jeckle and hyde can be sweet at time other times a cyclone! 
Today sex came up thank God she is sick gave me an out - before I was allways wanting it now I'm avoiding it Std is a strong deterant but I can't go on acting much more we are going to have to talk I'm trying to talk to attorney first but can't while she is around -i think she is getting nervous keeps testing me but not remorseful
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Morituri - I'm feeling the need for a new thread --this one isn't doing so well lol -lots of competition I am still ultra concerned for my daughter my feelings aside making the right decisions for her consumes me beyond my needs, I know any kid given a choice would choose having their parents together even if its not the best thing. Telling her we are going to divorce will rock her little world the way mine has been but it will be me doing it even though brought about by the poor choices her mom made. She loves her mom very much and I would never do anything to change that but its so beyond stupid that my WW involved her in these A's. More than a bad moral example its actively teaching her to be deceptive
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Update C-day delayed again!(scotty: we're still 'ere all alone  -). Talked to the paralegal papers haven't been filed won't be till dec 26th ! December sucks! Told her
going nuts not having confronted WW don't want it to all explode with papers served she said wait til case is filed atleast . I'm not going to tell her filed but I need to
confront on the A(s) ugg the multiple A('s) is so devasting 1 would be bad enough but multiple. She did say exposing my daughter to them will be looked at badly
by the court. - good ! But I was going to talk to her this weekend now I have to stay in bizzaro world longer I feel like tom hanks in the terminal "I am delayed long time"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

"Tough crowd I tell ya, I get no (thread) respect"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Starting a new thread will not yield more responses from other members. It has nothing to do with you.

It comes as no surprise that the serving of divorce papers has been delayed until the 26th due to the holidays. It may be a blessing in disguise for you because it can help you enjoy the holidays with your daughter. Make precious memories with your little one. I am also a father of two young women but I can still remember when they were little girls and the memories of Christmas past with them still brings great joy to me and will continue to do so until I die.

If you feel the need to communicate, feel free to PM me. It may take a few hours but I will respond to your message.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

I posted here.

I was thinking you should go and distract yourself so that you dont catch yourself in a downward cycle of emotions.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

I know, there's a lot of competing threads - Some of it mine lol I've self sabataged -just was hoping for more response (sigh)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

aug said:


> I posted here.
> 
> I was thinking you should go and distract yourself so that you dont catch yourself in a downward cycle of emotions.


Thanks Aug, I do, fortunatly now for next few hours I have some time with my daughter its times when we are all together in the house its such an unreality that is hard to deal with
or when company comes over and she talks about future plans and I'm thinking -not going to happen. I'm not mean amd vindictive like ha ha that's not happenning more becuase
of what she has done I'm sad we won't be doing the things she has in mind as a family in the near future. 
I wake up in the morning and its ugg I'm in the same nightmare! Doesn't get any better just she cheated is my first thought now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

The Latest--- Last night she goes out around 7pm with "friends" ha! of this so called group of wonderful friends I only have met two. I don't know where she goes or with who I suspect wasn't with girlfriends at all but with OM I had the chance earlier in the day at the iphone to read texts it was there but didn't have long I didn't look at it I will when a better opportunity comes. She hasn't backed it up since oct. 
--Anyway I was out afternoon with daughter she calls me at ten I was driving home with daughter she talks her, and my daughter started getting emotional saying when are you coming mom? she says a little while my daughter started crying
wife says what's wrong daughter I miss you mom come home 
goes on for a bit I thought ha good. End the call I thought well that will get to her she should be home in awhile --Nope she texts at 12 that she has been drinking at a friends house and doesn't feel 
like driving I text back you know what I think about this. We've had lots of arguing about this before I knew about the A's --when I got the text was thinking she's not with the girlfriends but long short she is out all night another time! --noting that one for attorneys.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Blindasabat,

I`ve been reading up on a couple of your threads.

I`ve always figured if I ever discovered my wife was having an affair I`d handle it just as you are.
The first time she`d know I knew was when she had the D papers in her hand.

But...

I gotta say I`d have a damn difficult time keeping my mouth shut in your shoes so I just want to give you some faith man....

You`re doing it correctly, it`s hard right now but eventually it`ll pay off in sheer shock value alone.

Keep to your plan.


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## Darth Vader (Jan 2, 2011)

Blindasabat said:


> Update C-day delayed again!(scotty: we're still 'ere all alone  -). Talked to the paralegal papers haven't been filed won't be till dec 26th ! December sucks! Told her
> going nuts not having confronted WW don't want it to all explode with papers served she said wait til case is filed atleast . I'm not going to tell her filed but I need to
> confront on the A(s) ugg the multiple A('s) is so devasting 1 would be bad enough but multiple. She did say exposing my daughter to them will be looked at badly
> by the court. - good ! But I was going to talk to her this weekend now I have to stay in bizzaro world longer I feel like tom hanks in the terminal "I am delayed long time"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't focus on your wife, soon to be Hex-, I mean Ex!:rofl: Focus on your daughter and yourself! Tell yourself, just a few more days before the so to speak atomic bomb hits your wife, make sure to protect your assets, like bank account/s, 401k (more like 1k now) cancel joint credit cards, get your ducks in a row NOW! Don't do anything stupid that could land you in jail!


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

thanks guys sorry for having too many I'm trying to keep this one as the day to day one. just trying not to be obvious we have a joint account I keep very little in it I will be separating it soon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Buy a VAR (voice activated recorders). The day the sh!t hits the fan, have one inside your shirt pocket, and another close by but hidden from sight, so they can clearly pick up your wife's voice and her 'statements'. 

On the day that your wife gets serve, make sure there is someone babysitting your child who can also serve as a possible material witness. Also consider contacting the police before your wife confronts you. You want to inform them that you will be serving your wife divorce papers and may face an ugly situation and that you are giving them a heads up notice. If your wife attacks you physically, DO NOT hesitate for one second not filing a domestic violence report against her.

You want to shield yourself against any false accusation attacks she might level against you. The more evidence you have proving that she is both an aggressor and a liar, the better your case.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

will do Morituri thanks good advice!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Arggh I hate to post this but yep with OM on Dec 17! saw the texts on phone -he writes that she forgot her makeup and yep its not here
well I'm not second guessing my plan now its full speed ahead on the D -train . Its the right move her I love yous are so empty such a farse!
hard to keep up the charade on my end - which involved a foot rub last night argggh but it has an end I will be resigning that position very soon
as always I worry for my daughter wish I could get some peace of mind about it but I'm very worried about her reaction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Did she say or committed to having no contact with the OM?


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

It's still under the radar haven't confronted her on cheating yet have to wait -on attorney advice
till filed with court. December has delayed me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Blind,

Stay the course. You know you're doing the right thing.

Hang tough friend.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Blindasabat said:


> It's still under the radar haven't confronted her on cheating yet have to wait -on attorney advice
> till filed with court. December has delayed me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really? What are you getting her for Christmas? Attorney gift card? She's sleeping with another man and your giving her foot rubs. Now I have heard it all.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Blind - why all the games?

i've read your explanation, but come on, other people confront the cheating and disrupt the affair without waiting weeks on the filing. You can confront and kick her out without the papers being filed with the court.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Shag: I think his intention is to make sure she gets served, as opposed to avoiding the server outside the home.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Blind, here's the *International Parental Child Abduction page from the U.S. Department of State* website. Hopefully it will give you the valuable information in your efforts to prevent your stbxw from abducting your daughter to her country of origin.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

On D-day I felt like marraige was over - now its confirmed to me. Thanks Morituri, this has been my concern with her being from another country if she were to leave the USA with my daughter before divorce is filed I'm up a s... Creek no paddles and in an extremely dificult situation and her home country is not the only one she could hide in. filing with emergency restraining orders in place is the best way to go. Sure I could have confronted her long ago but she could have done several things in response including file first- I waited learned consulted and yeah I have to put up with some crap for now in order
to obtain a better result tomorrow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Make sure your wife doesn't have access to your daughters passport. I can't even imagine your intestinal fortitude. You have done very well pilgrim. Make sure you are fully prepared with VARs when she gets served. I hope she punches or smacks you. Then your RO can be filed along with your divorce. Remember, her next tactic may be to try and get an RO against you. Record everything.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Good luck. Enjoy your daughter.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Ditto on the passport!!! Also check the other country's extradition rules just in case.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Initfortheduration said:


> Make sure your wife doesn't have access to your daughters passport. I can't even imagine your intestinal fortitude. You have done very well pilgrim. Make sure you are fully prepared with VARs when she gets served. I hope she punches or smacks you. Then your RO can be filed along with your divorce. Remember, her next tactic may be to try and get an RO against you. Record everything.


Thanks daughters passport is expired and I put my daughter on the cpiap child passport issuance alert program. 
yes I need to get a var I have voice memo on phone as a back up but need a good one there was a link somewhere? 
I don't think she will get pysical she is very petite but certainly the verbal daggers will be flying. Her latest is I have turned my daughter against her that my daughter doesn't give her the same level of respect she does to me. I couldn't say it but wanted to say look at your actions dum dum I haven't ever said anything negative to my daughter about my Stbxw. I just have been there and teach her to be honest and I have told her to respect her mom but she sees what her mother is doing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

You can go to your bank and get a safe deposit box to store your daughters passport and other important papers like the birth certificate. If I'm not mistaken, doesn't the need State Department at least need the expired passport in order to issue a new one?

The same time that you file, have you asked your lawyer about filing a motion for temporary child custody? Because whatever happens, with that custody order, she cannot take the child out of state without your signed permission.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> You can go to your bank and get a safe deposit box to store your daughters passport and other important papers like the birth certificate. If I'm not mistaken, doesn't the need State Department at least need the expired passport in order to issue a new one?
> 
> The same time that you file, have you asked your lawyer about filing a motion for temporary child custody? Because whatever happens, with that custody order, she cannot take the child out of state without your signed permission.


Now both parents signatures are required for a new passport and my objection to my daughter having one is on record and I will be notified if one is filed.
yes temp custody/no leaving the county we live in is in RO's which we hope will set up permanent orders. Yes it does matter who files first there is a method to my madness.
This will be her biggist complaint not being able to travel with my daughter. Other than loising her meal ticket she is living a single lifestyle anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Thought today Dec 26 would be filing day- courts are closed grrr well it will be tomorrow have an attorney meeting thurs she will most likely be served monday at work. my older kids are home gives me time to tell them thus weekend. So its getting close. I feel like the roller coaster has almost reached the top and is about to plunge me forward into whatever comes next.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Darth Vader (Jan 2, 2011)

Blindasabat said:


> On D-day I felt like marraige was over - now its confirmed to me. Thanks Morituri, this has been my concern with her being from another country if she were to leave the USA with my daughter before divorce is filed I'm up a s... Creek no paddles and in an extremely dificult situation and her home country is not the only one she could hide in. filing with emergency restraining orders in place is the best way to go. Sure I could have confronted her long ago but she could have done several things in response including file first- I waited learned consulted and yeah I have to put up with some crap for now in order
> to obtain a better result tomorrow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When your STB-Hex gets the papers, don't leave your daughter alone, EVER!


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

if only I could get full custody! If we had a moral society and cheaters were punished as they should be....ah I can dream. but if she tries international kidnapping now she'll be the one up s...creek go to jail lose parental rights. I can't prevent her having time with my daughter but I can do everything possible to prevent the int kidnap possibility and not have daughter around the OM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Hey - BTW - what happened to DDay this week? I thought they were waiting to serve until like YESTERDAY? Did I miss something?


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

filing took place tuesday this coming monday is serving day fun times! today I'm meeting attorney to go over everything, telling my older kids tonight that I'm divorcing their stepmom who we never all gelled as a family -source of tension their but The are close to their little sister. I never wanted divorce for them I really dread it for my little daughter now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

When she gets served, don't be surprised if she breaks down, tells you that she loves you and pleads for another chance. It will be very tough for you since you still harbor feelings of love for her. 

What you ultimately decide to do is up to you but if you do agree to give her another chance, do not withdraw the divorce petition until a day before it gets finalized. She will have to prove her a$$ off to you that she is worthy of another chance during this period knowing that time is not on her side. Total transparency, IC, and willingness to change her behaviors which have allowed her to treat her marriage as nothing more than toilet paper to wipe her a$$ and you as her personal doormat. Divorce or reconciliation, that will never be the case ever again.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

morituri said:


> When she gets served, don't be surprised if she breaks down, tells you that she loves you and pleads for another chance. It will be very tough for you since you still harbor feelings of love for her.
> 
> What you ultimately decide to do is up to you but if you do agree to give her another chance, do not withdraw the divorce petition until a day before it gets finalized. She will have to prove her a$$ off to you that she is worthy of another chance during this period knowing that time is not on her side. Total transparency, IC, and willingness to change her behaviors which have allowed her to treat her marriage as nothing more than toilet paper to wipe her a$$ and you as her personal doormat. Divorce or reconciliation, that will never be the case ever again.


oh I expect either anger, tears or a combo but she'll have to convince me how I should believe her after being a complete con artist for the last two years. I believe
she will be crying over her loss of a meal ticket.
talking to the lawyer today helped also we have 7 courts in our area all judges are good got rid of a wacko last election cycle.
we covered everything i feel better going forward going to try to talk to her this weekend gotta find a time that works.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UnwarrantedParanoia (Sep 1, 2011)

I seldom post or log in but I've been patiently waiting and still nothing from your story other than icloud post. I've had a feeling thru all your threads and posts that nothing is going to change, (not judging you, I totally understand you). What happened? Were the papers ever served? Did you kick her out? Just wondering how you're doing. I would like to quote Morituri: "I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie"


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## Darth Vader (Jan 2, 2011)

UnwarrantedParanoia said:


> I seldom post or log in but I've been patiently waiting and still nothing from your story other than icloud post. I've had a feeling thru all your threads and posts that nothing is going to change, (not judging you, I totally understand you). What happened? Were the papers ever served? Did you kick her out? Just wondering how you're doing. I would like to quote Morituri: "I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie"


Could this be his wife? Or STBXW!?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I would like to know what happened too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

maybe a seminar poster?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I know because he pm'd me but I will respect his privacy


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Any particular reason?


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

I have a guess on why he would PM Almostrecovered specifically, and not share it with the forum. 

He wants to R.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Any particular reason?


No idea why he wants to keep private, so I won't answer any speculation only to say that he's okay considering the circumstances
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

He PM me to. I will respect his wishes for privacy as well.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Thanks y'all, I appreciate your concern I took a break didn't feel like updating. here's what happened papers were to be served at her 2nd job on mon dec 26 the friday before
I confronted the cheating. she trickle truthed me, at first but admitted to what I knew already as we went on. but was very emotional crying asked if we could save things. I wasn't prepared for it this is part of why I haven't posted here Is I really
thought it was over. I had been calling and thinking if her as my stbxw. I knew papers were on the way monday but I said I dont know but gave some quick things I remembered from here
no contact, transperency. I had been not only riding the D train but driving it full speed ahead and my posts here in other threads I have made some very hard speeches out of anger, feeling betrayed spending two months as an actor. Hadn't thought R was a possibility. But I realize I do love her I had tried to kill that love but it was there I wanted to adopt a floozy b gon attitude like 

lascarx but I'm not him. D the b!tch is something you feel in the moment. monday came I spent the day feeling ill about her being served at work it just didn't feel right i couldn't concentrate. Didn't happen thanks to the holidays tuesday Dec27 I told them not to serve I served her myself. And also gave her my list for R. It was a bit rough she was a little resistant on the phone and asking 
questions but has done everything I hace asked for
no contact, std test paid by her, transparency, gps tracking, and we start on MC tomorrow. She owns responsibility for the two affairs, BTW my daughter turned 6 today. She Thought she didn't 
love me realizes she does as I despite the horrible sucker punch cheating is and hellicoaster I have been on I do love her surprised myself. I know R is a long hard road I have read almost 
recovered and maxtor's stories want my wife to read almost R's to see what it takes. D is still on the table and I told her I need to know that you are serious I need to know it every day if you aren't 
I will divorce even though I love you . So I have stopped the D train and boarded the R train for now but I am ever vigilant and forever altered. I felt odd updating this becuase alot of my time here 
I spent without talking to her I was on my own lost and confused and angry, And I did need that time to learn from others here before confronting I might have waited too long but standing orders 
are in place d is still filed I have controll of situation --thanks for all the support I will continue to need it. I'm giving the marraige a shot before terminating some of you might not understand but it is 
my life my experience.
I'm doing this on a ipod so forgive the typos it's hard to go back and edit on the mobile
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

That's the way it should work, with the D paperwork being the wake up call to knock her out of the fog. But don't board the R train just yet. Remember, actions, not words. While the D is on hold, you need to observe her, verify that NC is going to hold. This is a critical time. Its been shown many times that the first 3 months of NC are critical because the addiction is hard to break. One or the other APs will try to fish for renewed contact. 

You need to watch for now and see if her actions match your requirements. Watch for rugsweeping. Remember the table. Only time will tell. Quite a few people have rushed into R before the WS was ready for it. There's been a few stories here of False R. She needs to be in the left column and stay there until you are satisifed that NC will be maintained and she isn't rug sweeping.










Good luck!


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> That's the way it should work, with the D paperwork being the wake up call to knock her out of the fog. But don't board the R train just yet. Remember, actions, not words. While the D is on hold, you need to observe her, verify that NC is going to hold. This is a critical time. Its been shown many times that the first 3 months of NC are critical because the addiction is hard to break. One or the other APs will try to fish for renewed contact.
> 
> You need to watch for now and see if her actions match your requirements. Watch for rugsweeping. Remember the table. Only time will tell. Quite a few people have rushed into R before the WS was ready for it. There's been a few stories here of False R. She needs to be in the left column and stay there until you are satisifed that NC will be maintained and she isn't rug sweeping.
> 
> ...


thanks I am so far actions are matching I am doing diligence to make sure it is a Real R.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

have you done any exposure yet of the OMs?


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

1st one was a over a year ago no known current address or OW. 2nd one doesen't have OW according to my wife have checked his FB doesnt appear to have.
Doesn't hace a clear pic on FB has a hat covering face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Good luck Blindasabat. Hope this New Year brings your family loads of happiness. Haha

Don't be blind though ....trust but verify. Good luck again.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

hysterical bonding yet? (assuming std test came back)


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

looking forward to that results should be saturday. Its been ah .. hard
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Blindasabat said:


> looking forward to that results should be saturday. *Its been ah .. hard*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In more ways than one.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Blindasabat said:


> 1st one was a over a year ago no known current address or OW. 2nd one doesen't have OW according to my wife have checked his FB doesnt appear to have.
> Doesn't hace a clear pic on FB has a hat covering face.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Blind. As part of R she must give up full details on bth of these guys, name phoe no. How she knows them etc.

Then you independently , without any notice to her find out their real details etc. this helps to both expose and to know if they come fishing, which they will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Blind. As part of R she must give up full details on bth of these guys, name phoe no. How she knows them etc.
> 
> Then you independently , without any notice to her find out their real details etc. this helps to both expose and to know if they come fishing, which they will.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


excellent point, the down and dirty details you probably should leave out but you should start delving into the history of who, when and where and why


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Blindasabat said:


> Thanks y'all, I appreciate your concern I took a break didn't feel like updating. here's what happened papers were to be served at her 2nd job on mon dec 26 the friday before
> I confronted the cheating. she trickle truthed me, at first but admitted to what I knew already as we went on. but was very emotional crying asked if we could save things. I wasn't prepared for it this is part of why I haven't posted here Is I really
> thought it was over. I had been calling and thinking if her as my stbxw. I knew papers were on the way monday but I said I dont know but gave some quick things I remembered from here
> no contact, transperency. I had been not only riding the D train but driving it full speed ahead and my posts here in other threads I have made some very hard speeches out of anger, feeling betrayed spending two months as an actor. Hadn't thought R was a possibility. But I realize I do love her I had tried to kill that love but it was there I wanted to adopt a floozy b gon attitude like
> ...


I completely understand. It's hard to just turn love off no matter how hurt you are. Whether you served her or not she obviously got the reality wakeup call. You've been on here long enough to know what you need to do for true R.Don't be embarrassed to post here. We're here for you no matter what even if its just to vent. I wish you luck and I am rooting for you.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Was the forgiveness given out too easily?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Was the forgiveness given out too easily?


Forgiveness? What is forgiveness warlock?

For a great many people, it means amnesty for the offender and of the consequences that would befall him/her. The problem with this definition is that it makes the offender the beneficiary while the offended getting nothing in return.

But to others, myself included, forgiveness means to accept - not condone - that what was done cannot be undone and to make peace with it, NOT for the benefit of the offender but for the benefit of the offended. This type of forgiveness does not remove the consequences that would befall the offender.

People who subscribe to the former definition of forgiveness are unable to achieve it because it is an emotionally daunting task. It is also dependent on the offender showing true remorse to the offended for his/her transgression(s) which may or may not be present or ever will be.

But those of us who subscribe to the latter definition, forgiveness is an acknowledgement that no matter what the outcome of the situation with the offender is, that in order for us to move on with our lives is to *make the decision that anger and bitterness are the toxic twins that will forever follow us and poison our lives IF we consciously allow them to. Here, forgiveness is a conscious choice for the benefit of the offended, not the offender.*

I divorced my wife not because I could not forgive her for her affair nor because I no longer loved her, but because at the time it was necessary for me to do so in order to emotionally and psychologically heal myself. And yes, I did forgive her because I subscribe to the latter definition of forgiveness.


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