# Using Child Custody As A Weapon



## Cookiecrumbling (Sep 22, 2015)

I'm absolutely miserable but can't walk because my husband keeps threatening to use child custody against me.

Situation: I met him while living and working in his country. Things quickly soured after the wedding as he drank, smoked and gambled excessively, stayed out all night, and we lost what little savings we had because of his habits. 

Then I got pregnant. For a spell the prospect of fatherhood seemed to have matured him, but even before our son was born things went south again. I found out he'd whittled down our savings again. This time, we couldn't afford to extend my visa in the country or our mortgage, so not only was the house repossessed, I was deported for overstaying.

We made a snap decision to move back to my home country and start anew. It has been nearly two years, and while there have been some improvements--away from his social influences, he stopped gambling, and smoke e-cigs rather than real cigarettes now. However, the drinking continues on and off, and he tends to get drunk with our son around. 

I have tried to be affectionate, but he absolutely disgusts me now. Everything he says and does gets on my nerves, and in my gut I know our marriage is over. But I can't go through with a divorce, because my son shares the same citizenship as his dad. Should we break up, I will have no legal leg to stand on in terms of custody, and he knows it. Everytime we have an argument, he threatens to move back with our son. I have tried my best to keep the peace and keep him pacified, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up with this threat forever hanging over my head. Just today he threatened to do it again. He's still not talking to me, and I fear that this time is the one, when I will finally lose my son!

I have even tried applying for a citizenship for my son in my home country but as usual, buteaucracy takes time. 

Does anyone know the law regarding divorce when parents are of different nationalities who can help? From what I've read up, I seem to be stuck in a rut that only his death will solve.I have been praying everyday for his death because I am so lost as to what else to do.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Have you spoken with an attorney?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

The laws are different in every country, and which country's courts get jurisdiction over the children first. You need an international child custody attorney.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Speak to an attorney. Don't let this stop you from getting a divorce because he cannot just take your kid, there is joint custody. The child might end up being away for a few weeks or months. But don't stay married to this pig because he is blackmailing you.


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## mmcm3333 (Sep 12, 2015)

I agree with the other posters- get an attorney. Don't let money deter you. You have a child, fight for this tooth and nail. If you are below a certain income, you can call Legal Aid (I'd call them anyway and see what they suggest even if you don't qualify). You may also be able to get a pro bono attorney depending on your situation. I'd call around- no doubt most attorneys have had these questions before and their offices can help point you in the right direction. Worst case scenario, and that's not so bad, you get a good attorney that lets you make monthly payments over a long period of time. Just don't sit on this.

Bottom line, you do whatever it takes, call everyone, to find out how to get this guy away from your kid. As a mother, you need to do everything you can- and don't stop- until your kid is safe. You'll find a way if you keep trying.

If you're a US citizen and never gave up citizenship, with the issue of your child's citizenship, I'd call and write your local Congressman and Senator and explain the situation (don't include the drama, but keep to the facts and be sure to emphasize your child's situation). They will always get back to you. 

If you go through typical divorce proceedings and you're worried about custody, start keeping a journal of his activities (and gather proof, like bank statements showing his spending habits that show he's not contributing to household expenses). If you have documentation about your house being repossessed, show that (though out-of-country, it may not be valid). Perform due diligence.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Cookiecrumbling said:


> I'm absolutely miserable but can't walk because my husband keeps threatening to use child custody against me.
> 
> Situation: I met him while living and working in his country. Things quickly soured after the wedding as he drank, smoked and gambled excessively, stayed out all night, and we lost what little savings we had because of his habits.
> 
> ...


To give good advice, we would need to know his country and yours. I would struggle even then, but there are many here better informed than me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your child might have double citizenship. Have you spoken to a lawyer or someone who would know about this?

Also, regardless of your child citizenship, local courts where the child lives at the time usually have jurisdiction.

If you see a lawyer, they might be able to help you establish that your child cannot be removed from where he lives right now without the court's permission.


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## CarlaRose (Jul 6, 2014)

How do you expect people to be able to answer without knowing EITHER of the countries you are talking about? I can tell you that if you are a US citizen, then your son has dual citizenship, and nobody can take him away from you, not even his father. At least not legally because that's not to say he can't kidnap him to his own country, in which case the laws apply there. I just wanted to let you know you and your husband are both mistaken if you are a US citizen because nothing in our international laws give automatic rights to a person of a different citizenship (him) as long as the US citizen parent (you) is alive. There are countries whose law dictate the kids automatically go the father, but those law don't apply in the US, only in THAT country and not this one. He's holding that stupid threat over your head because you don't know the law or your rights. Again, this only applies if you are US citizen. Otherwise, nobody here knows where either of you are from because you made sure you didn't tell us.


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