# Sad and lonely



## sakura1307 (Jun 23, 2019)

My husband never wants to spend time with me and the intimacy between us is few and far between. We dont sleep in the same bed cause I toss and turn alot, and it was fine for me cause he used to come and cuddle every morning and now he doesn't. He is a workaholic and barely says anything to me. We moved for his job and I've been unemployed minus freelance work and he blames me for a lot if stuff since he pays my student loans and our car. He said he doesn't mind paying for my horse that I had for 7 years before we got married knowing I wouldn't have a job when we moved. Now, he uses the horse against me. He threatens divorce all the time, but says he would feel guilty since "I can't take care of myself " he wasn't like this when we dated and first married, only since we moved over a year ago.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

sakura1307 said:


> My husband never wants to spend time with me and the intimacy between us is few and far between. We dont sleep in the same bed cause I toss and turn alot, and it was fine for me cause he used to come and cuddle every morning and now he doesn't. He is a workaholic and barely says anything to me. We moved for his job and I've been unemployed minus freelance work and he blames me for a lot if stuff since he pays my student loans and our car. He said he doesn't mind paying for my horse that I had for 7 years before we got married knowing I wouldn't have a job when we moved. Now, he uses the horse against me. He threatens divorce all the time, but says he would feel guilty since "I can't take care of myself " he wasn't like this when we dated and first married, only since we moved over a year ago.


A bit more info would help in understanding your situation.

How long have you two been married? How old are you both? Do you have any children?

Where you both in agreement before you moved that you would not have a steady job at your new location?

About your tossing and turning at night, have you seen a sleep specialist to find out if there is something that can be done to help you stop this? It's a very common type of sleep disturbance that causes a person to get very unrestful sleep. Do you also snore or wake up catching your breath at night?

Have you been looking for work where you are now? Are there a shortage of jobs?


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

What sort of work do you do and what did you study?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@sakura1307


How are you doing today?


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

It sounds like he might be a bully. Try to have a calm conversation w/ him, and don't show fear if/when he acts angry. If he threatens divorce, ask him why he wants one. When he mentions the horse, calmly remind him he told you to keep it and ask why he changed his mind. Ask him what has changed w/ him/your marriage. Was it the move? A marriage counselor might help, but I think showing him he can't shut you up w/ anger is a good first step.

You didn't mention where you live, but as for you not being able to take care of yourself after the divorce, but that may be more of his problem than he realizes, depending on the divorce laws where you live.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

I'm really sorry you are going through this.

Some more information would be helpful. Were you gainfully employed before you moved for his job? Are you not able to find a job now, and if so, is that because of the area to which you moved? You say he is a workaholic, Is his picking up so much of the bills a financial hardship or does he make a lot of money?

What do you think changed when you moved? I wonder if he might be having an affair with someone at work.

When he threatens you with divorce, what does he say he is unhappy about? Just the financial situation? Or are there other things?

I'm curious about the answers to other people's questions too.

Hang in there, it won't be like this forever. 





sakura1307 said:


> My husband never wants to spend time with me and the intimacy between us is few and far between. We dont sleep in the same bed cause I toss and turn alot, and it was fine for me cause he used to come and cuddle every morning and now he doesn't. He is a workaholic and barely says anything to me. We moved for his job and I've been unemployed minus freelance work and he blames me for a lot if stuff since he pays my student loans and our car. He said he doesn't mind paying for my horse that I had for 7 years before we got married knowing I wouldn't have a job when we moved. Now, he uses the horse against me. He threatens divorce all the time, but says he would feel guilty since "I can't take care of myself " he wasn't like this when we dated and first married, only since we moved over a year ago.


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