# Handing Over the Reigns



## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

For some time now my wife has controlled our family fiances. Early on we discovered that I am not that great with money and made some poor decisions that got us into some financial trouble. At the time she asked if we could temporarily try a system where she would have absolute control of the money and major household decisions. I would still have input and so forth but when we disagreed she would have the final say. I was feeling pretty humble at the time and agreed to a 6 month trial period. It was a bit of blow to my ego to confess but she was drastically better at not only the money but really in being "The Man of the House." She was soon able to get us out the hole that I had dug and things have been drastically better in our marriage, we almost never argue anymore, we have more money than we thought and so on. The 6 month trial period expired long ago but we have just kept things going with her holding the reigns.

Now out of the blue, she has presented me with a contract that she has written that more or less spells out the division of labor/authority in our relationship. There is nothing in the contract that I really object to, its pretty much what we have already been doing but for some reason I am hesitating to sign it, as I don't see the reason. She says having it in writing will make her feel "more empowered"? I'm not quite sure how to take that. I makes me feel suspicious for some reason but of what exactly, I don't know. Would you sign something like that?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No, I wouldn't. How are things other than that? Why does she feel the need to be "more empowered"?

C
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe she just wants to make sure she is not overstepping. Signing it does not create a legal contract. It would I just mean that you have read it and agree. She might feel that she discusses things with you and then you forget

If you do not agree, negotiate with her. Make sure it says that neither of you will make unilateral finacial. Decisions for amounts over some dollar figure.

Add the statement that you both agree in principle and the topic will be revisited by thw 2 of you every 6 months. Both of you sign it
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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Create a counter-proposal sex contract! She wants the status-quo in other areas, but will she commit to maintaining or improving sex to your standards, for an indefinite or permanent length of time?

And no, I wouldn't sign such a thing unless there was something highly desirable in it to my benefit as well, and there would have to be conditions for exceptions and a process for alterations.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Honestly, any marriage that requires a signed document describing said relationship between spouses seems like a farce. Just my $0.02. The only exception for me would be a pre-nup, but that would be laying out protection for both parties financially in the case of a marriage failure. 

C
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## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

PBear - I guess yeah I was just curious if something like that would be used legally or something, just makes me nervous to put anything in writing lol. Other than that things are going well, much better in fact. Its amazing how much money stress had effected our relationship. Sex is now more frequent and amazing so no complaints from me...:smthumbup:

EleGirl - I think you might be right about her not wanting to overstep, maybe giving me a chance to object to to certain aspects? She has set it up so that I have weekly meeting (sounds so official) Sunday nights where she goes over the money with me so I also know where we are at, where we are going, where we can improve. Its funny because its almost like having an employee review with your supervisor.


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

Sounds totally stewpid! Remind her that things were going well absent her paperwork. Seeing that she is "The Man of the House" and knows it, she further wants to remind you of it. Seeing as the contract isn't legal, why have one? You would be wise to further question her motivation for this. In the end, whatever works for you guy.
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## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

Thanks. Love your profile .gif. So True.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

No. I would't sign something like that. She is already making all the decisions, and you both seem to have had not problems with it. Why would she need it in writing?

Why would a piece of paper make her feel more "empowered?"

On a side note, I believe that by giving her all the authority you are setting your marriage up to implode later.

What things are you good at? You need to be contributing to the decision making in areas you are competent.

You're going to be sorry you gave up all your power. She is going to get tired of wearing the pants some day, even if she took it on willingly.

You need to step up to the plate. I'm not a alpha/beta type of gal in general, but I see the beta happening here is oozing too much and is going to come back and kick you in the rear some day.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sounds like a deal with the devil!


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## wife1981 (Jul 5, 2013)

That sounds a little odd. I wouldn't sign anything, ever. Glad to hear everything else is going great. I've seen a lot of marriages end because of finances, so this was a good read.


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