# Separated for two years -- time to give up?



## Room of One's Own (Jan 31, 2009)

Title pretty much says it. Two years ago last week, my husband announced that he wanted a divorce and asked me to move out. I was shocked and upset, but did as he asked and found a great place to live, a new job, and roommates that have helped me through the hard times. I was surprised to find myself happier here than I had been at any point in our ten-year long marriage. Neither of us ended up filing papers, and it's just been lingering on in separation limbo for this long.

Here's the thing: Since last summer, my husband has been trying to "win me back". He made some significant changes in his lifestyle at first that convinced me that he was serious about this, and so we started seeing each other again. The new attitude didn't last long, however, and for the past 5-6 months everything has been just as bad as it was when we lived together. We fight when we see each other, or don't talk at all, rarely have sex, never go out together. I've struggled with depression all my life, and letting him back in has made even tougher than normal to get out of bed every day.

My husband is a good man, he's generous to a fault and I have no doubt that he loves me. I will always love him too -- we've been best friends since we were 15 years old, and were married at 19. I don't know what life would be like without him in it in some capacity. I'm just coming to the realization that being married to him is not good for either of us. He has no desire to make anything of himself, make plans for the future, or create or do anything artistic. I am an artist and designer trying like hell to create my own successful business, and I wish I could share any of the excitement of that with him, but it just doesn't happen that way.

How can I stay married to a man that I love, but do not respect? I have no physical or intellectual attraction to him anymore, and every time I see him I am disappointed, frustrated, and feel upset. I feel disloyal to our love and friendship, and very much want to remain friends somehow through this, but I feel like the time has come for me to end this for both our sakes.

One last problem: We both work at the same place, with similar shifts. I've been looking for another job for the past few months, but with the economy the way it is I haven't had any luck. I don't want to divorce my husband and still have to see him every day, but I don't want either of us to feel forced to leave their job, either.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you so much for listening.


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## overitnolove (Dec 5, 2008)

The last step is always the hardest. My H is living with me again and I dont know what to do!! Good luck. Go with your gut.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

Room of One's Own said:


> Title pretty much says it. Two years ago last week, my husband announced that he wanted a divorce and asked me to move out. I was shocked and upset, but did as he asked and found a great place to live, a new job, and roommates that have helped me through the hard times. I was surprised to find myself happier here than I had been at any point in our ten-year long marriage. Neither of us ended up filing papers, and it's just been lingering on in separation limbo for this long.
> 
> Here's the thing: Since last summer, my husband has been trying to "win me back". He made some significant changes in his lifestyle at first that convinced me that he was serious about this, and so we started seeing each other again. The new attitude didn't last long, however, and for the past 5-6 months everything has been just as bad as it was when we lived together. We fight when we see each other, or don't talk at all, rarely have sex, never go out together. I've struggled with depression all my life, and letting him back in has made even tougher than normal to get out of bed every day.
> 
> ...


question: do you think you are better than him? i'm not trying to be sarcastic, i just sense an aire of superiorty in your post.


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