# Want to seperate from my husband, but how?



## OatmealKisses (Jul 12, 2011)

I want to separate from my husband, but I don't know how financially. I'm a stay-at-home-mom of two kids; a 1 year old and 2 year old. 

I can't take it anymore. Almost the whole time we have been married I was wanted to leave him but money has held me back. What he makes qualifies us for state medical and WIC, nothing else. However, we have so much debt from his piss poor money managing and his problems getting DUI's He's facing his 3rd DUI now. He has not stopped drinking or blowing our money even after this last DUI. We are living with his parents because he doesn't make enough to live independently with all the debt, and bankruptcy will only take away medical debt and 1 card credit card. Which we can't pay any of now anyway having to have a lawyer for the DUI.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

OatmealKisses said:


> I want to separate from my husband, but I don't know how financially. I'm a stay-at-home-mom of two kids; a 1 year old and 2 year old.
> 
> I can't take it anymore. Almost the whole time we have been married I was wanted to leave him but money has held me back. What he makes qualifies us for state medical and WIC, nothing else. However, we have so much debt from his piss poor money managing and his problems getting DUI's He's facing his 3rd DUI now. He has not stopped drinking or blowing our money even after this last DUI. We are living with his parents because he doesn't make enough to live independently with all the debt, and bankruptcy will only take away medical debt and 1 card credit card. Which we can't pay any of now anyway having to have a lawyer for the DUI.


How? You need to formulate a plan.

Housing. Is there anyone else you could live with temporarily in your family? Close friend(s)? Would anyone be willing to take you in? Your first problem is living with his family and you need to get away from being dependent on them.

Employment. You need an income. It appears that you will not be able to rely on him to support you. If you can't get a job outside the home, perhaps you can consider being a day-care provider and taking care of other people's children while watching your own until they are of school age.

Temporary Government Assistance. Until you get on your feet, there is plenty of help in that regard to enable you and your children to survive without your spouse.

That's what I come up with for starters. Getting out from under being dependent on his family, and financially surviving without him. It can be done. Once you are on your own and able to stand on your own, you can seek legal advise which would require him to pay child support and alimony, but first you need to set yourself free.

Good luck!


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## debaussie71 (Nov 15, 2013)

I agree with survivorwife. You need to create a plan realistic in your situation. Grab a piece of paper even and brainstorm as to how you can get yourself and your children out of this situation.

I even suggest speaking to the bank about the credit card situation and seeing if you can remove yourself from the account. Perhaps for your sake somehow see if your husband will allow for your name to be removed and at the same time create your own individual accounts so that you can start with your first step of independence there.

I think job hunting will be a good idea too. The day care provider is a fantastic idea in your instance where you have very young children.

Hug to you darling. Xx


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## Keenwa (Oct 26, 2013)

my cousin was in a similar situation years ago and I don't have a lot of advice because this sounds really hard, but I know that she ended up having to think outside of the box for a job. She ended up cleaning houses to make a living, this way she could bring her son with her to work and not need childcare. She made more money doing this than any other job she would have gotten at the time and it got her through. 

Good luck, and you will survive, I have not lived what you have lived but my mom left my deadbeat dad with 3 kids under 5 and went on welfare, with no support and 50 cents in her pocket. We all made it through and ended up going to university.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

I'm sure there is a Legal association in your state that can help. (In Kansas for instance, it's kansaslegal.com) Most state bar associations require attorneys to commit to X amount of hours of pro bono (free) work for low income individuals who need legal assistance. Try googling for such an organization in your area and apply. Look for local ones as well. Next, call the Law School at the nearest university/college, which often has programs where Law Student's who are about to graduate are required to take on cases for free in the community to help get them some practice. They are monitored by their law professors who are licensed to practice law in your state and are usually very experienced. The students are required to review every document and meeting you have with the professor, and get their advice and paperwork approved before advising or doing anything for you in court. I'm not saying it's the best option, but it's not bad and it's free.

Lastly, call every law office in your area. Every single one, and ask each one if they offer any pro bono work, discounted rates for low income individuals, and/or payment plans. You might be surprised how many of them can help you out.

Next, is there a women's shelter in your area? State/Govt. assistance? Do you have family nearby or friends you and your kids could stay with? Is your husband abusive or do you fear that he might become abusive if he were to find out you were leaving or had left?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

State assistance can help you with daycare voucher and in some states help you prepare for job interview. There are organizations too that can help you with gently used work clothes. I'd go to the human services office and ask what's available to you. 
Many women's shelters have good job finding programs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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