# Vacations with your ex?



## working_together

I'm curious about this. I'm wondering how many divorced people would vacation with their ex and kids? And would you do this if you had a SO?

Personally, I wouldn't do this, but wondering how others feel about it. Apparently it's the new "modern" family.


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## BeachGuy

working_together said:


> I'm curious about this. I'm wondering how many divorced people would vacation with their ex and kids? And would you do this if you had a SO?
> 
> Personally, I wouldn't do this, but wondering how others feel about it. Apparently it's the new "modern" family.


I'd say a lot of it depends on how the two ex's get along. Definitely no if there's a SO on either side. That's just a bad idea.

My divorce will probably be final in the next month but it looks like we might all go on a trip to Disney in the fall. We'll just get separate rooms.

Lot's of divorced couples get along well after.


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## GettingBetter

Why f**k up the kids more than the divorce did? 
My boys are constantly asking if we can go on a vacation again, together with mom and dad. We used to go a lot...Mexico, Europe, camping. They have a lot of pictures in their album and always look at them, how happy we all werr...but I could not do this to them. It would just confuse them. That and the point that I do not like my ex.
Bad idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

No. Trips were hugely stressful when we were married. Even if he didn't have a posGF, I wouldn't want to put myself through that stress again.


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## minimalME

I would, and we've done this in the past.

We all went overseas together during our separation, cause it was already arranged, and we've done Thanksgiving and Christmas together.

Now we just do birthdays.


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## ThreeStrikes

eewwwwwww!


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## Thor

My parents are divorced. We have a big family vacation every summer with us kids and our kids there. Both my parents show up. This isn't the same as them going on a vacation alone, but they are there without current spouses. They see it as a way to see the kids and grandkids.

While it is a bit tense at times, it actually works pretty well. And it reminds all of us why they got divorced in the first place.


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## southbound

GettingBetter said:


> Why f**k up the kids more than the divorce did?
> My boys are constantly asking if we can go on a vacation again, together with mom and dad. We used to go a lot...Mexico, Europe, camping. They have a lot of pictures in their album and always look at them, how happy we all werr...but I could not do this to them. It would just confuse them.
> Bad idea.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agree. I think it would just be confusing. It would probably even be confusing to my brain, I can't imagine the kids thoughts.



angelpixie said:


> No. Trips were hugely stressful when we were married. Even if he didn't have a posGF, I wouldn't want to put myself through that stress again.


Agree! I never really understood this buddy-buddy thing after divorce. I hate it for my kids that i am divorced, but my x and I are civil. We haven't had cross words in over a year. there is no bickering and drama between us. that is the best i can do for my kids, I'm not going on vacation with her.


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## working_together

southbound said:


> Agree. I think it would just be confusing. It would probably even be confusing to my brain, I can't imagine the kids thoughts.
> 
> 
> 
> Agree! I never really understood this buddy-buddy thing after divorce. I hate it for my kids that i am divorced, but my x and I are civil. We haven't had cross words in over a year. there is no bickering and drama between us. that is the best i can do for my kids, I'm not going on vacation with her.


What about if the parents explained to the kids that it was a trip for them, and the family to do something together, but the parents were not getting back together? would they get it? or just be further messed up?


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## working_together

It sounds like most people wouldn't do it. I do feel it would screw with the minds of kids no matter what their ages were. Kind of the "words don't match the actions" thing.


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## Holland

Personally I think the new "modern" family is a good thing, far better than some situations where there is nothing but aggro, abuse, kids being abandoned and put second to new partners.

Yes I would go on holidays with the ex and kids however it is not as likely these days, almost 4 years post separation and a couple of years into my current relationship.


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## Thor

working_together said:


> It sounds like most people wouldn't do it. I do feel it would screw with the minds of kids no matter what their ages were. Kind of the "words don't match the actions" thing.


We were all in our 20's when my parents divorced. It really doesn't seem too screwed up that we all get together, but it is definitely in the format of a family reunion.

What does seem screwed up is no spouses come along. I think there would be too much tension and everyone knows it.


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## lenzi

It's completely dysfunctional- confusing to the kids and bad for the new relationship.

I'd never allow a SO to do anything of the sort.


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## GinnyTonia

I definitely would if I didn't have another SO, and I'm fairly certain he would too. But I think that we're in a weird, unhealthy place.


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## Stretch

Considering a cruise on a ship without life preservers with my WAW.

Stretch


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## angelpixie

Stretch said:


> Considering a cruise on a ship without life preservers with my WAW.
> 
> Stretch



Well, have one for yourself at least. Or else all of this that you've been though will have been for nothing.


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## Baseballmom6

LOL. Stretch, That's the kind of vacation I want with my ExH.


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## Deejo

Just came across this.

Literally got back from Disney 2 weeks ago following a 12 day trip with my kids, and ex.

We have been apart for 5 years.

That would be the 2nd trip in 5 years we have gone away. It was also we both acknowledged, the last.

The trip was planned when neither of us had serious relationships going on. That has changed. 

We explained things very clearly to the kids and asked them if they had any questions.

Everyone had a great time. No confusion. No anguished kids. They understand that mommy and daddy aren't together. They also understand that mommy and daddy don't hate each others guts.

Win, win.


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## Dedicated2Her

While I most certainly appreciate Deejo's point, I think it depends. Quite honestly, I would not be friends with my ex even if we had never been together. She isn't the kind of person I want in my life. Quite frankly, the kids would have much more fun with me and her not around. It is our time together for fun. My ex really struggles with being happy and she overreacts/yells/stresses WAY too much to enjoy a vacation.

So, no. I would rather relax, smile, and have fun.


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## Deejo

I absolutely understand that there are plenty of circumstances where this just isn't an option. 

Don't advocate forcing anything.

In my case? I wanted to take the kids to Disney. Absolutely no way could I have pulled it off alone.

I also think that anyone that is considering such an undertaking needs to be honest with themselves about what they want out of it. If the secret hope is that you and your ex will reconnect, then maybe you should reconsider.

That was not, is not, the case with my ex. We are very good at co-parenting. Our dynamic and involvement with our young children is such that simply being 'drop off' parents doesn't work for us.

Work with what is possible. If you and your ex are at each others throats, or have zero respect for one another, than going away with the kids just isn't a good idea.


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## Deejo

I absolutely understand that there are plenty of circumstances where this just isn't an option. 

Don't advocate forcing anything.

In my case? I wanted to take the kids to Disney. Absolutely no way could I have pulled it off alone.

I also think that anyone that is considering such an undertaking needs to be honest with themselves about what they want out of it. If the secret hope is that you and your ex will reconnect, then maybe you should reconsider.

That was not, is not, the case with my ex. We are very good at co-parenting. Our dynamic and involvement with our young children is such that simply being 'drop off' parents doesn't work for us.

Work with what is possible. If you and your ex are at each others throats, or have zero respect for one another, than going away with the kids just isn't a good idea.


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