# 9 months in and discussing divorce



## orchid30 (Dec 10, 2012)

Like the title says, I've been married for 9 months. We dated for 2 years before he proposed. For those two years, we were a long distance couple. Him in Florida, me in Georgia. We saw each other every other weekend. Either him to me or me to him. It worked out great.

So we get married and things go great. I moved down to Florida, and between the transition and getting mildly depressed and just messed up after coming off of Zoloft, he apparently turned to a co-worker. 

Well I figured it out after a month. It was an EA only. He ended it with her. Well at the end of October they apparently started it up again, but unfortunately it progressed to physical, and she got pregnant. 

Even still I wanted to work things out with him. Fast forward to Christmas and she loses the baby. Here we are in January and he still hasn't "decided" if he wants a divorce or not. 

His rational mind tells him he is being stupid, that he doesn't want a divorce, that he doesn't know what the future holds for them, and that this isn't him. It is telling him we need to work things out. But then he says his heart is leading to her.

The thing is, she is married with two kids. She is 8 years older than him (and me) and he is concerned that she doesn't have many 'childbearing years' left as he puts it. And he wants a family-sadly I do too. Through it all, I think she is manipulating him. From the first month we were married she started asking him out. He told her "I'm married I'm married." She kept at it because she didn't believe he was married. He wasn't wearing a wedding band because we eloped and were gonna do a larger ceremony later. Anytime he talked about me or the honeymoon she'd ask him to stop-which kept his co-workers from knowing. She began their friendship by telling him all about how she was unhappy in her marriage and how her last pregnancy was high-risk. Even though she is unhappy she won't leave her husband. I think it's because she doesn't want to be a single mom and can't afford the mortgage on her own. My poor husband doesn't understand that he's about to fill those shoes. 
The part that bothers me the most is she misses her period by 1 day and takes a pregnancy test. 1 day. My H said it's because she told him she's been tracking her period for the last 6 months and hasn't missed one. Six months ago was when she started moving in on him. And then she tells her boss that my H is the father. So yeah, she's been playing him since day 1 in my opinion.

She is only the 2nd woman he's been 'in love with.' The first is me. She's the 2nd woman to ever give him any love type attention. In many ways I believe he is deluded. Our 'honeymoon' phase was wearing off and he didn't want it to. After it wears off with her I think he is going to be in for a rude awakening. 

So this week I flew to Georgia to be with my family for a few days. He says he is going to use this week to do some deep deep soul-searching. I hope he truly will. Everytime we actually bring up divorce, he doesn't want to really talk about it. Evertyime I get proactive, he gets upset. Everytime we're in bed, because we still share the same bed, he still cuddles and snuggles me and sleeps with me in his arms. Everything about him screams I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE. Yet he's saying he wants one. Well actually no. He can't actually say the word. 

We have some 'issues' as he calls them. But the sad thing is, he told me that if he could break her hold on him, if she wasn't in the picture, then we could have an honest try to fix our marriage. If I would have been pregnant (cause we've had a couple of times where it was a possibility) he said he would have ended the affair. 

Because he is weak and not willing to end his affair, I know our marriage is over. And it is breaking my heart. She isn't good for him. He is scared that things won't work out with her, especially with the kids. Her 15 year old son already hates him, and the 7 year old is going to be upset because he took her daddy away.

I know that if he would end it, get a new job, we go to counseling, and re-boot that we will be stronger together. We've been through so much already to just quit. And that's what he is doing. Quitting. If we went through counseling and realized that we just aren't going to work together, it would be so much easier to end the marriage. End it happily and with good intentions. But to quit now just feels wrong. It makes me angry. I'm over the affair, I truly am. But I can't get past not wanting to fix it. Heck her and her husband have gone to counseling on three separate occasions.

When we discussed the issues we already figured out how to fix things. Well, if she was not in the picture. At times, he seems eager to get a new job and re-boot the marriage. He is willing to do counseling-his parents are going to pay for it. 

UGH I just wish he could grow up, take his balls back from her, and honor his vows to me. At this point it does no good to try anymore does it? 

Everytime I think I am confident and ready to move on, I start thinking that it isn't right. That this is not broken, but only if he is willing to work on it. It is driving me nuts. He is driving me crazy, I am driving myself crazy.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Cheating 9 months in. I would end it as soon as possible. He will do it again. I know that is not what you want to hear. Why did he stop Zoloft?


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## orchid30 (Dec 10, 2012)

It was actually me that ended Zoloft. We both decided that it was time. And we were wanting to start trying for a baby around the end of the year. So we thought summer was a good time to (following doctor's orders) wean me off. And after doing a little more research, the Zoloft was messing with me in many other ways and it was just no longer acceptable.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If this is how he behaves after 9 months of marriage I shudder to think what he'll do in 5, 10, 15 years....


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

Forget about this guy. He's not worth it. Chase him out of your bed and your life. At the moment, you're empowering him, you're actually thinking about telling him how the other woman is using him? C'mon.

Build some pride, kick his sorry ass out. Divorce the loser.


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## orchid30 (Dec 10, 2012)

caladan said:


> Forget about this guy. He's not worth it.
> Build some pride, kick his sorry ass out. Divorce the loser.


Yeah. Being with my family this week is definitely doing that.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Letting him decide is though


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I would be calling her husband and exposing the cheating. 

Then I would be divorcing your husband. You may live him but his actions prove that he does not love you. The fact that he is cheating with what sounds like an old trashy skank says it all. There is zero future with her just easy trashy sex yet he continues to choose her over you. 

Thus guy doesn't value you as his lover friend or wife. 

You. Can do so much better if you want kids dump him and get back in the game. This one is a loser by choice. It didn't have to be like this but this is the choice he willingly has made. . You can do much better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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