# How to respond



## StillRemains (Aug 9, 2012)

So this am, WAH calls me because he's sick and going to urgent care. The call was to tell me he was using money out of account (still joint until attorney visit today) but I kinda felt like he wanted sympathy too. I told him it should just be copay there and didn't say much else. Thought it was kinda unfair of him to be looking for sympathy/comfort from the wife he no longer wants.

Now he let me know what was wrong and how it was treated and then said sorry for bothering you. How do I respond to that last part? I don't want the dissolution and would rather work on things, but he has said he won't and then he does this stuff. I feel mixed signals and don't know what is the best way to handle these kinds of things.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

StillRemains said:


> So this am, WAH calls me because he's sick and going to urgent care. The call was to tell me he was using money out of account (still joint until attorney visit today) but I kinda felt like he wanted sympathy too. I told him it should just be copay there and didn't say much else. Thought it was kinda unfair of him to be looking for sympathy/comfort from the wife he no longer wants.
> 
> Now he let me know what was wrong and how it was treated and then said sorry for bothering you. How do I respond to that last part? I don't want the dissolution and would rather work on things, but he has said he won't and then he does this stuff. I feel mixed signals and don't know what is the best way to handle these kinds of things.


You handled this well. There's nothing more here than him wanting you to comfort him. If he wants you back he will contact you with genuine remorse for his actions.

My wife recently went in for biopsy. When I did not ask about the results going on two weeks later, she said aren't you going ask how it turned out? She then said everything was ok.

I did not purposely not ask, it just happened because I am busy focusing on building a life of my own. 

They want separate lives, well that's part of the deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StillRemains (Aug 9, 2012)

Should I say anything to his statement of "sorry to bother you," or should I just ignore that part?


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

StillRemains said:


> Should I say anything to his statement of "sorry to bother you," or should I just ignore that part?


Let it go. You are reading into what you want it to mean. It means nothing in the context of wanting to R. It also requires no response.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StillRemains (Aug 9, 2012)

Yeah, I didn't think it meant he wanted R. I felt like he might be feeling me out to see if I still care. It's confusing to me what I do in these situations. Do I let him know I still care to some extent to facilitate talks or just let him keep wondering. I hope that makes sense. I am not initiating any talks with him about R or anything else, but I'm not sure whether to just close that door for good either. I'm just so confused all around. I hate the mixed signals.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

StillRemains said:


> Yeah, I didn't think it meant he wanted R. I felt like he might be feeling me out to see if I still care. It's confusing to me what I do in these situations. Do I let him know I still care to some extent to facilitate talks or just let him keep wondering. I hope that makes sense. I am not initiating any talks with him about R or anything else, but I'm not sure whether to just close that door for good either. I'm just so confused all around. I hate the mixed signals.


Dont talk to him. He left you. Show him what life is like without you. 

Talking to him will also keep you from moving on, which is what you need to do whether you end up trying to put things back together or lead separate lives.

Trust me on this. My wife and talked way too much, and I am nowhere near were I could be emotionally 6 months later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StillRemains (Aug 9, 2012)

Okay, I hear ya. I do feel like he is still leaning to me an awful lot and you're right, this was his choice so he needs to live with the consequences. 

I swear, it's like they can sense a day when we are feeling stronger so they do something like this. I absolutely feel like he's trying to keep me on the hook just in case, and you're right, I don't want to be someone's "just in case." I don't even know anymore if I want R anyway if I'm being honest. Not sure I even could go back now after all that has been said and done.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Let him miss you. Give him room to do it.


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