# Should I believe



## ladyfromtx (Jun 17, 2008)

Hello everyone, well im new to this site so I am hoping that I do this right.
My problem is that my husband, and I have been together for 5 years, have two kids. Since January of this year i found some text messges on his phone and were from a girl, I got the number called the girl and asked her what was going on. She told me that she did not know about me but that she was going to stop talking to him, I asked her if things go physical and she said that nothing like that had happen that it was just speaking on the phone and texting. She apoligized for hurting me and my family. So I let this one slide
Then I found another text message 1 month later and it was a different girl, she told me the same thing nothing physical just talking on the phone, but she did say that he had told her that he was no longer happy with me and that he was just sticking around for the kids. I confronted him and told him if he wanted to leave that he should I did not want him here if he did not love me anymore. And he said that that girl meant nothing that he was just talking to her and that he was not gonna lose me.
Just recently about 2 weeks ago I found and email to another girl and in that email he said that he could not wait to see her and that he missed her. And his excuse well it's just a joke we were playing around nothing of what you think. I emailed her and ofcourse she did not respond. He thinks that there is nothing wrong with him talking to other girls because there was never nothing physical with them!! Atleast with what they have told me, him and the other girls. He says that he does love and wants to make things work for us and our kids, he says that I am the best things that has ever happen to him, yet his actions show different. but I don't know what to believe anymore. I want things to work out, but how can I forgive him? and move foward and keep my marriage together? Or im just a fool for staying with him?
Please help, thanks for listing


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Let him know that what he is doing is called an emotional affair and if he put that much energy into your relationship with him everyone might be a bit more happier.

draconis


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

ladyfromtx said:


> Just recently about 2 weeks ago I found and email to another girl and in that email he said that he could not wait to see her and that he missed her. And his excuse well it's just a joke we were playing around nothing of what you think.


Doesn't sound like a joke to me and if it was, sure was not a funny one. If he never met up with them, it sure sounds like he intended to.


ladyfromtx said:


> He thinks that there is nothing wrong with him talking to other girls because there was never nothing physical with them!! He says that he does love and wants to make things work for us and our kids, he says that I am the best things that has ever happen to him, yet his actions show different. but I don't know what to believe anymore. I want things to work out, but how can I forgive him? and move foward and keep my marriage together? Or im just a fool for staying with him?
> Please help, thanks for listing


He doesn't think there is anything wrong with talking to other woman, well in general there's not. But if in these talks he is saying things to these women he would not say if you were sitting next to him, it is wrong. It is hurtful towards you and your marriage.

The only way I'd be able to forgive and move forward is if his actions matched his words. If he really wants to make things work, he needs to step up and do what it takes to rebuild your trust so you do not question whether he's talking to other women in an inappropriate manner.

Have either of you thought about marriage counseling? It may help, especially if you are both wanting this marriage to work.


----------



## ladyfromtx (Jun 17, 2008)

well he says that he won't to counseling i have to say i married a macho mexican guy. I will give him this much, he is leaving his phone with me cuz before he would not leave it anywhere. he has given me the password to his email and lets me take his phone with me when mine is not charged before he would not.
when the phone rings he shows me who it is and he emails me thru out the day from work.
Sometimes I think im just stupid for believing in him, but honestly my heart tells me that there was nothing ever physical with these girls, maybe im trying to fool myself but i believe that your heart and your instics sometimes are right and wrong


----------



## believer (Apr 22, 2008)

ladyfromtx - even if your husband won't go to counseling you can go on your own, if you feel you need someone to talk to . 
It is reassuring that he has given you access to his phone & email - let's hope that he is really trying to make amends. I agree with you that he should not be talking to other women about you or your marriage - that is something that should be kept between the 2 of you. Even though, he did not ever do anything physical with them, that is a good thing. You have to wonder if he did meet them, what might have happened. 

I have been cheated on both emotionally & physically & it hurts! I hate to be a pessimist here, but do you think he just got better at hiding his calls, texts, etc.? Do you feel the way he is acting now is any different? Are you communicating better about your relationship? If the dialogue between you & him has improved, I would take that as a good sign (& that he would not need to confide) in others. 
I really hope he has changes his ways & is committed to working on your marriage. good luck


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

ladyfromtx said:


> well he says that he won't to counseling i have to say i married a macho mexican guy. I will give him this much, he is leaving his phone with me cuz before he would not leave it anywhere. he has given me the password to his email and lets me take his phone with me when mine is not charged before he would not.
> when the phone rings he shows me who it is and he emails me thru out the day from work.
> Sometimes I think im just stupid for believing in him, but honestly my heart tells me that there was nothing ever physical with these girls, maybe im trying to fool myself but i believe that your heart and your instics sometimes are right and wrong



I agree with believer to get counsiling on your own. But atleast he is moving in a positive direction at being transparent.

draconis


----------



## nappilymarried (Jun 25, 2008)

hey i kinda found myself in a similar situation, such as your own.i first got suspicious cause i recently found out my husband locks his phone.well one day my husband left his email up on the computer.i too found a text message,(very vulgar text message) that my husband sent to another woman through his email account. i also saw a phone bill with several unfaimilar numbers and tons of text messages. when i questioned him about these girls at first he said they were friends. but it turned out the he was heaveyly flirtling with at least two of them. and one of them for the whole time we been married. and she didnt know we were married. we have been married for 2 years. my husband also denies sleeping with these women although he did finally admit to dating the one he sent the vulgar text message to. he said the been knowig her since childhood but they never slept together......good thing is.we are going to counseling.and things are getting better. my husband no longer locks his phone, but he still keeps his email account very private.he claims to have cut all ties with these women. but i cant help but to wonder if he still talks to them sometimes, or of there are more women that i dont know about.i love my husband andwant to trust him but i still cant completely. so how are you coping with your situation?


----------

