# Failures Lead To Success In Marriage?



## unreal

Hi,

I am wondering anyone who has been through a rough ride in marriage can tell me if eventually all couples almost split or come close to it at one point, or you could call it riding the storm until they become very successful in their marriage? 

Thanks.


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## OhGeesh

Nope I can't say that I will say the moral compasses on both Husband and wife must be similar though!! It's not the hardship or obtacle that makes the marriage stronger it's the way you deal with it together.

Longterm moral fiber must be similar.....


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## DocHoliday

Well, I have had two decades happy marriage, 5 years of hell. To put in "nicer", some people say 5 years of "test".

Yeah, I have had the to hell and back, been to 3 counselors, been told by TWO to get away from him, he has threatened divorce, and two years ago filed papers..(which he immediately said he was taking no action on.)

And today we seem to be better.... I still have a lot of issues with certain things he does.

Had it not been for the 20 years of relative calm, I would have left him at the beginning of the mlc. If I knew now what I knew then I probably would have/should have left and saved myself years of struggle,

But here we are. We get along great for extended periods, we seem to be working together, but certain aspects are a bad as ever. 
We both have lost a lot of respect, I am wondering if we can gain enough back to be happy long term.

But there is that strong chance.


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## Mavash.

Me. Been married 20 years, almost divorced twice. The first 7 years were hell (my fault).

I'm now focused on making (and keeping) my marriage on track.

For us it took committment and a willingness on both sides to work on it (again mostly me - he was just patient while I did it). It didn't just happen we both did our parts.


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## Conrad

unreal said:


> Hi,
> 
> I am wondering anyone who has been through a rough ride in marriage can tell me if eventually all couples almost split or come close to it at one point, or you could call it riding the storm until they become very successful in their marriage?
> 
> Thanks.


Too early to tell.

We've got the parts down about attraction, complementary strengths, etc. We have nothing but fun when we're together.

What we don't have is mutual commitment to work on ourselves. When the going gets tough, the tendency isn't to buckle down and work on ourselves, it's to move out and blame.

Should that change? Blue sky - from here to eternity.


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## FourtyPlus

We grow from hardship and pain, not from happiness and easy times.

Marriage is no different. It's one of the hardest things to do but also one of the most rewarding. Failure can lead to a much better and stronger marriage but it takes two!

Every failure is nothing but an opportunity to learn and grow.


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## SimplyAmorous

The hardest strain on our marraige was over 6 yrs of infertility in our early marraige. I was rather b****y , mad at the world half the time -all I could think about was conceiving... my husband was a very patient man......he brought goodness out of my basketcased attitude during those years, I was never mad at him, just mad at the situation. Once the babies started coming, I couldn't have been happier. I shouldn't have been such an ogre during that time & just had a little faith.... looking back, I tainted alot of our good years with "worry". 

It sure helps when one spouse has the vision & hope to lead during the hardest of times, to not give up & keep encouraging the other ...it will all work itself out.


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## Goldmember357

i would think so. 

if two people are nothing but good with each other and they never have a hard time than i wonder what they will be like in 5 years. Or maybe they have not spent enough time together. I am trying to justify fighting or say things like lying or infidelity. That is unacceptable however i think going through some hard times or struggling together brings out the best and you can truly see each other.


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## southbound

unreal said:


> Hi,
> 
> I am wondering anyone who has been through a rough ride in marriage can tell me if eventually all couples almost split or come close to it at one point, or you could call it riding the storm until they become very successful in their marriage?
> 
> Thanks.


Since my wife divorced me a year ago, I'm surprised at the number of people who have told me they almost split at some point in their marriage.


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## shy_guy

We've had our very rough spots, no doubt. 

We get along great these days. It's comfortable, warm, and affectionate. 

For us, I don't think there was a certain time when we started getting along. There have been rough spots that smoothed out, and rough spots came along again later. Probably the toughest time was when my wife was already dealing with depression, and her father died of cancer. When he was dying, she really wanted to just leave me, go back to the country of her origin, and just start over. I actually thought she was going to leave. The night I had finally given up and decided I couldn't keep her anymore, she decided she really wanted to stay with me, and keep our family together. I'm still not sure what exactly happened, but I'm certainly glad she didn't leave - she would have taken the spirit out of me if she had gone. I still loved her even though it was a rough time.

I think we've kind of gone through the cycles where we got along better or not so well, and through the last 15 years or so, we've just noticed that the lows are just not as low anymore, and nothing we're dealing with seems worth considering separating. We just want to be with each other more than we want to fight about the petty stuff.


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