# My husband refuses to lose weight.



## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

My husband is 32, and well over 350lbs. He has always been a heavier guy, but never gotten to this point. 

He refuses to diet. He refuses to see a DR. He refuses to talk to about it. 

I just dont know what to do anymore. I am NEVER mean or cruel, but I am very concerned. VERY concerned. He is always out of breath, he smokes, and he eats like crap. 

I never keep bad food in the house. Me and my children eat healthy, and organic. He refuses to eat with us. He stops on his way home from work, and will pick up fast food. 

I am scared he is going to die.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I'm sorry about your situation, I don't think you can do anything else he just doesn't want to lose weight. I can imagine how scared you are. Do you think you can get his family to talk to him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

Are you in a position to take care of your family if you husband dies or is disabled and unable to work?

If not you need to prepare - find a suitable career path (nursing for example) and get your husbands work life insurance up to an adequate level.

Talk to your doctor about this to see if there is anything they can suggest as well. (I realize this probably won't work.)

Good luck...


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## descarado (Mar 13, 2012)

have you told him that his behavior may lead to your children being without a father? and that this behavior threatens your marriage? 

him refusing to eat with you is emblematic of a fairly serious relationship issue.


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## Delmar555 (Jun 18, 2013)

Yes, he is overweight and he need to lose some of his body weight to be healthy and fit. He should bring some changes in his routine diet such as replace fried and fast foods with raw veggies and protein based foods. A regular exercise plan is also very necessary to handle the weight gain.


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## Delmar555 (Jun 18, 2013)

Yes, he is overweight and he need to lose some of his body weight to be healthy and fit. He should bring some changes in his routine diet such as replace fried and fast foods with raw veggies and protein based foods. A regular exercise plan is also very necessary along with an effective weight loss diet plan to handle the weight gain. 

adamprowse


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sounds good but, he is refusing to do anything.

OP, only thing you can do is make sure you have good medical insurance, and disability insurance. He's at high risk for medical complications and sadly bump up the life insurance.

Maybe show him this post?


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

Does he know how much his health scares you?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

At 32.. things will only get worse as he gets older.

What can you do? He's obviously not going to listen to you and it might take a health scare or two to get him to seriously consider making healthy lifestyle changes.

You could try withholding sex?


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

I am sorry. But the only person who can make him lose weight is him. I got up to 325 before I had my epiphany. Lost 130 pounds on the eat less/exercise more diet. 

WWHT


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Yeah, unfortunately, we can not change anyone. They have to want it for themselves. Until that happens, you can encourage, but you can't make him do it. 

I think people like this are very selfish. They don't care how their actions are damaging to those around them. Also, he is setting a terrible example for his children. Yeah, I am a fitness freak, but it was not always that way. I was never morbidly obese, but I did get very overweight for awhile. I got tired of it and changed for myself.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP, I wasn't at the point where your husband is now, but I'm on that journey as we speak. In Dec, I weighed 266 lbs. On top of that, I had issues with gout to the point that I would generally feel stiff, achy and basically walk like I was a senior citizen even without any acute gout flares. Maybe your husband has a similar problem that is preventing him from wanting to be more active as well. 

Most likely he's depressed about his situation and perhaps other things that are going on in his life too. It may be that he feels his weight is so far gone that it's too overwhelming to get started.

While I was 266 in Dec, my older brother was 325 - just 25 lbs below your husband. My younger brother was 300 lbs in Dec. We decided to have a "Biggest Loser" contest where we put up money that will go to the winner. Winner is the one with the highest weight loss percentage. Right now, my older brother has lost 70+ lbs since Dec. I'm down 24 lbs (and I really need to catch up!). Maybe your H would be motivated by a contest like this - especially if he has siblings that are of similar size.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

bbdad said:


> Yeah, unfortunately, we can not change anyone. They have to want it for themselves. Until that happens, you can encourage, but you can't make him do it.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well said!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## argyle (May 27, 2011)

If he's not willing to lose weight, then, eh, nothing you can do besides preparing for health issues later. So, do take responsibility for life insurance, et cetera. At 32, you probably have 20 years or so though.

If he's willing to lose weight, then, um, you can make things easier.

Low carbohydrate diets can be quite tasty and are reasonably healthy. (Calories come from protein and fat.*) It is hard to gain weight if you avoid sugars and grains. Of course, eat enough of anything and you'll gain weight.

On the bright side, I do have a couple of friends who skinnied down after having heart issues...and they're doing fine. (And one skinny friend who just keeled over at 30...no known issues...there's no guarantees anyway.) It would be good to encourage regular medical checkups. Diabetes and obstruction are probably the things to worry about. (Btw, just for his information, even insulin treatments are hard on the body, which eventually tends to result in kidney failure, bad blood chemistry, cardiovascular failure, and death. So, best to avoid diabetes instead of relying on medicine to treat it.)

--Argyle
*The whole 'fat be bad' thing came from a study in the mid-1900s where the guy plotted _half_ the data on heart attacks versus fat consumption. If he'd plotted all the data, there would have been no evidence for 'fat be bad'. Turns out, in the same data, there was good evidence for 'sugar be bad'. That said, processed meats (hot dogs...spam...) do seem to be bad. Sadly, most 'low fat' food just has added sugar...so...um...avoid.


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## VeggieMom (Jun 25, 2013)

Tell him you love him dearly and you are scared to lose him. Then tell him if he continues to not try harder to keep himself healthy for the sake of himself, and his family, you need to start planning for when he will no longer be able to help you around the house or bring in an income due to disability, or even to start planning for life insurance for when he's no longer there. Do some math on paper about the income when he can't work anymore, or disability vs. his regular salary and the ability to pay bills on that. It might be a wake up call for him.

My heart goes out to you. That sounds like a very frustrating, heartbreaking situation.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

I think if you're VERY big there comes a point where the weight you have to lose just seems so insurmountable that it's pointless to even start. The task is impossible so you may as well have another cupcake and enjoy life while you're here.

I was never as big as your husband, but I was 213 at my highest. I was living in a false reality. Just as anorexics think they are bigger than they are, big people think they are smaller than they are. You look at yourself and you honestly don't see what everyone else sees. It is photographs that really don't lie. I saw myself at a family Christmas trying to cover my belly with my arm, as I did every time someone tried to take a photo of me, and I realised how impossible the task was - as if my arm could cover my huge belly and make me look thinner!!

I started after Christmas. It took me three years (and I had a baby along the way) but I eventually got down to 129. I put some on after that - I'm trying to lose another 15 or so at the moment - but mostly it's stayed off.

It can be done, but your husband has to be the one to do it. Until he comes to that light bulb moment by himself, he will never lose it.


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