# Temptation



## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

My first post. But a long time visitor. First off I am married. Been with my wife 12 years, only married 1. So at work there’s this attractive, beautiful other woman. Who I find myself hanging with all the time. I like being in her company. We laugh, share office gossip. She’s also married. When I first laid eyes on her, I was instantly attracted to her. It started with some flirting. Nothing major. She's a huge flirt as well. Much better than I am. We did not hang as much before. Just did the casual office flirting with her. Compliments here and there. She never gave them back. Usually just said "thank you". I admitted one time, that I did like her. So I was gently told we were just friends...Well for obvious reasons. Fast forward a couple months later. We hadn't spoken since then. I was kind of embarrassed. So I laid low at work for a while. Things started up again. As I always make the first contact. We started hanging out more. Actually every night before we went home. We would just chat and make jokes about the other coworkers. I would get the "arm rub" when I made her laugh. Or the flirting touches. And recently we just started texting outside of work. Nothing sexual, just carrying on from our office chats. She once again told me, we are just friends. OK..No problem. But she does not want me texting her while she’s home with her husband. Or when he’s around. If he is around she would stop texting. And by now I know what it means. She said its "just innocent flirting”. She gets jealous if I’m speaking to other female workers. Or if she sees me glancing too long at other women. I still give her compliments. But I never get any in return. Just the "you’re so sweet" and "very thoughtful". I kind of get the impression she does like me. But will never admit it. I have no idea what this is. Can anyone shed light on this? Or am I reading too much into it. And just let it go?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Walk away from it. Nothing but bad coming from there. She enjoys her husband and getting attention from you on the side. The fact that she hides you from her H shows that your "friendship " is not on the up and up. Your wife probably doesn't know how you feel about this woman either.

Cut her off. She is toxic. Pour your interest and affection into your wife and grow that relationship.


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

There's nothing "innocent" about any of it. Both of you are in the wrong. If behavior has to be hidden from a spouse then it's wrong.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

It took you 12 years to finally get married and now you playing around with type of crap? Seriously? I mean.... _seriously?_ You had 12 freaking years to figure things out and now you want to throw it away? Come on! If you keep this up you will get burned! This is just how my ww started, and it turned into a year long PA and almost ruined her whole life and mine. You don't need anyone to tell you this is wrong or you wouldn't be here. Quit now before you destroy two marriages.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> She gets jealous if I’m speaking to other female workers.



Well of course she's jealous! No want wants to share.

Do you think it's fair to her to flirt with other women while you're carrying on with her and trying to figure out a way to break down her resistance so you can be more than friends and cheat on your wife.

Of course not.

Where are your morals?



HarryDoyle said:


> It took you 12 years to finally get married and now you playing around with type of crap? Seriously? I mean.... _seriously?_


You asked 3 times if he's serious.

You won't get a "no" answer even if that's the most likely case.

First time poster, looking to cheat on his wife.. statistically speaking the odds of a "no" being the right answer is about 10 to 1.

Just say'en

_Watch for more baiting questions along the lines of "is she interested" and "how can I make it happen with her" all while ignoring the fact that he's married. _


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Walk away from it. Nothing but bad coming from there. She enjoys her husband and getting attention from you on the side. The fact that she hides you from her H shows that your "friendship " is not on the up and up. Your wife probably doesn't know how you feel about this woman either.
> 
> Cut her off. She is toxic. Pour your interest and affection into your wife and grow that relationship.



I appreciate the input you have given. What do you mean "friendship on the up and up"...Do you think shes interested or like you said just the attention?


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

HarryDoyle said:


> It took you 12 years to finally get married and now you playing around with type of crap? Seriously? I mean.... _seriously?_ You had 12 freaking years to figure things out and now you want to throw it away? Come on! If you keep this up you will get burned! This is just how my ww started, and it turned into a year long PA and almost ruined her whole life and mine. You don't need anyone to tell you this is wrong or you wouldn't be here. Quit now before you destroy two marriages.


Well some people wait longer than others. Just like some get married after being together for 3 months or so. In my post I never stated anything about cheating. Co Worker already stated we were just friends in her eyes. I was just trying to gather others opinions on if she was interested in me or not due to her actions. But appreciate your input as well.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

WDMC,

Why the H*LL do you care whether or not we think she's interested?!?! You are married!!! Married for only one year, I might add, and you're already moving towards cheating on your WIFE?!?!

I mean seriously dude, you might have born at night, but you weren't born LAST night. Would you tell your wife about these "innocent" texting, flirting, and touching incidents with the OW?! If the answer is "no," you ARE ALREADY CHEATING. Maybe only in your heart and in your head, but sometimes that's far more devastating than a one night stand.

You KNOW what you are doing is wrong. Get thee quickly to a marriage counselor or an individual counselor and figure out how the h*ll to fix your marriage.

Or get out of marriage (do your wife a favor) and THEN go bang the OW.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> In my post I never stated anything about cheating.


That was a rather deft and subtle play right there. 

I give credit when it's due. 

I'm good like that.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Strange your username is WifeDrivesMeCrazy. 

What wife?


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

lenzi said:


> _Watch for more baiting questions along the lines of "is she interested" and "how can I make it happen with her" all while ignoring the fact that he's married. _


Bingo! You win 3 internets. 
Your prize is next to the bridge


I'm going back to sleep, I must be slipping


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

TheGrilAtMyWorkDrivesMeCrazy said:


> First off I am married.


First off, I fixed the username for you.




> I have no idea what this is. Can anyone shed light on this? Or am I reading too much into it. And just let it go?


This is an Emotional Affair.

If you're looking for advice on how to cheat on your wife, this is the wrong place.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Just got some good advice, and I smell the stench rising from under the bridge...


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

HarryDoyle said:


> Bingo! You win 3 internets.
> Your prize is next to the bridge
> 
> 
> I'm going back to sleep, I must be slipping


Don't be hard on yourself, this one was better than most. 

Not much, but a little.



Rugs said:


> Strange your username is WifeDrivesMeCrazy.
> 
> What wife?


The stained poster of Farrah Fawcett in the red bathing on the wall over his bed?


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

Geez for a forum that's about talking about marriage, should be more along the lines lynching your marriage. My wife does drive me crazy sure, not just because of my "emotional affair" but every day husband and wife topics. I haven't had sexual intercourse with this "OW" I'm not sure if she is "OW" because their is no relationship. I was curious to see others opinions on my post. But I learned two things. Harry gives out prizes and lovely girl is extremely talented at changing user names. They keyword here was "temptation" not "I already had sex"...


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> I'm not sure if she is "OW"


You called her "other woman" first.

I gotta keep the record straight, that's my OCD.

Even if it won't change whether or not the sun rises tomorrow.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> I appreciate the input you have given. What do you mean "friendship on the up and up"...*Do you think shes interested or like you said just the attention?*


That's all you got from his response to you? You are acting like a little boy in middle school. Do you think she likes me? 

Seriously focus all that interest and attention on your wife! Why are you flirting with anyone, sending texts, gossiping about others with another female? 

Would your wife see anything at all wrong with the content or frequency of your texts? And really, you told this other woman you liked her?! Would your wife approve of that? And you've only been married a year? YIKES!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)




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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

*Wake the f*ck up*.

And then *grow the f*ck up*.


Seriously, why do you _care_ what she thinks of you?

Get your priorities straight. My lord.

Stop texting the "OW". Period.
Stop gossiping about your co-workers like a teenager with the "OW".
Concentrate on impressing your wife and boss, not the "OW".

You're a married man. Act like one.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> In my post I never stated anything about cheating.


Then why did you post your "issue" in the Coping With Infidelity section?


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

You're already going to do it. You would have done it a long time ago if this woman would have let you. You want us to be understanding and we won't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> Can anyone shed light on this?


I think a lot of folks already has. I'll be more direct. You'd jump at the chance to get in this gals pants. She's knows it and is playing you for the attention by giving you just enough to make you act like a fool.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

OP,

The reason so many posters are reacting with anger is two fold.

1) Most of them have been victimized by the worst betrayal possible from partners they believed would stay loyal.

2) You are in complete denial that you are on the slippery slope to cheating on your W...the situation you described is very likely to lead to an A, especially since you are more interested in the mindset of this OW rather than the fact you are engaging in flirting behind your W's back that would hurt her intensely if she knew it was going on.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

OP - would you like it if your wife had a crush on a fellow worker and secretly emailed them? Spent her days wondering if they fancied her too? 

I'm sure your wife has her faults...we all do...I'm also certain you're not a perfect husband... your words here tell us that.

You're on a slippery slope OP.... most affairs start as a friendship (EA). Slowly boundaries slip and are eventually dropped...like how you now text after working hours.

All the energy you're putting into texting the OW, thinking about her, wondering if you 'likes' you ...why not put that energy into your marriage and the woman you committed your life and self too.

Just a thought... I'm a bit old fashioned though... I fancy a bit of faithfulness and loyalty out of my spouse.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> Geez for a forum that's about talking about marriage, should be more along the lines lynching your marriage. My wife does drive me crazy sure, not just because of my "emotional affair" but every day husband and wife topics. I haven't had sexual intercourse with this "OW" I'm not sure if she is "OW" because their is no relationship. I was curious to see others opinions on my post. But I learned two things. Harry gives out prizes and lovely girl is extremely talented at changing user names. They keyword here was "temptation" not "I already had sex"...


Hey "Mr. Long Time Visitor" try not to be so incredulous. You sound like someone who wants validation for your situation here and that is not going to happen. Is it just me or is this a growing trend on the site.

Please tell me you are not as naive as you appear to be. This is an emotional affair plain and simple. Please get a clue! She is jealous of any contact you have with other females, She constantly flirts with you and she feels things are getting a bit out of hand she lobs a warning bomb to you about boundary's. You just got married and seem annoyed that we are annoyed with your behavior. 

My advice is for you to get a bit more of a clue.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Can I ask why you feel tempted into flirtatious situations with a female co-worker?

Is your co-worker higher or lower ranked than yourself?

The whole at work thing is never good, go to work and be a professional at what you do.

Are you happy in your marriage at present? I mean as in, emotionally invested with entirety? If so then any other female advances ought to be turned down in a heartbeat.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Do you have a friend at work that could pass her an anonymous note asking "Do you Like WifeDrivesMeCrazy?" and has a yes and no box to be checked?

Sorry but this sounds like that type of middle school activity and mentality. You are married, already called her the OW, stay late to talk to her and text her outside of work, and even called it an emotional affair. You need to read "Not Just Friends" as whether their is a relationship there or not, you are carrying it forward as if their was and therefor cheating in practice. Don't think so, then ask your wife for advice on this subject and see if she thinks it is all too innocent and un-noteworthy that she is not concerned with your actions.


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## nikoled (Mar 12, 2014)

Walk away. If you are hiding something from either of your spouses you are headed down a slippery slope. I recently found out that my husband had an EA with a coworker. It started just like this. He really thought they were "in love", but now that he is out of the fog he has realized that he was just in love with the attention she gave him- not her. He is now having to do major damage control. Really nothing good can come from a situation like this- you'll end up hurting your wife, her husband, and your co-worker at some point. Basically, what my husband admitted to me is he realized once it had started that there was no good way to end it- there is no good way out. So back off before it's too late.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

There is NO innocent flirting. 
No matter what reaons are given for an affair, 99.999999% of the time it ALWAYS involves someone putting themselves in a position they shouldnt..like flirting with coworkers...

what if BEST case scenario, you are totally keeping it innocent, yet HER husband finds out and exposes it to your wife and employer

try telling your wife its innocent, as you become unemployed...think she will believe you?

You know damed well what you doing is wrong, if you want justification you sure as ef aint gonna get it in CWI...seriously??


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Grow the hell up and stop acting like a 13 year old. Seriously.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

WDMC, are your hands still in working condition? If so, why do you need the OW?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> Geez for a forum that's about talking about marriage, should be more along the lines lynching your marriage. My wife does drive me crazy sure, not just because of my "emotional affair" but every day husband and wife topics. I haven't had sexual intercourse with this "OW" I'm not sure if she is "OW" because their is no relationship. I was curious to see others opinions on my post. But I learned two things. Harry gives out prizes and lovely girl is extremely talented at changing user names. *They keyword here was "temptation" not "I already had sex"..*.


Actually the keyword here is "NO!!!!". How is that for a keyword? You are married. You are not allowed to even consider "temptation". Of course, you already knew that, didn't you? It doesn't matter what the "OW" thinks of you. The answer still should stand as "NO", and if it does not, than you have a bigger problem with not understanding what this whole "marriage thingy" is all about.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> My first post. But a long time visitor. First off I am married. Been with my wife 12 years, only married 1. So at work there’s this attractive, beautiful other woman. Who I find myself hanging with all the time. I like being in her company. We laugh, share office gossip. She’s also married. When I first laid eyes on her, I was instantly attracted to her. It started with some flirting. Nothing major. She's a huge flirt as well. Much better than I am. We did not hang as much before. Just did the casual office flirting with her. Compliments here and there. She never gave them back. Usually just said "thank you". I admitted one time, that I did like her. So I was gently told we were just friends...Well for obvious reasons. Fast forward a couple months later. We hadn't spoken since then. I was kind of embarrassed. So I laid low at work for a while. Things started up again. As I always make the first contact. We started hanging out more. Actually every night before we went home. We would just chat and make jokes about the other coworkers. I would get the "arm rub" when I made her laugh. Or the flirting touches. And recently we just started texting outside of work. Nothing sexual, just carrying on from our office chats. She once again told me, we are just friends. OK..No problem. But she does not want me texting her while she’s home with her husband. Or when he’s around. If he is around she would stop texting. And by now I know what it means. She said its "just innocent flirting”. She gets jealous if I’m speaking to other female workers. Or if she sees me glancing too long at other women. I still give her compliments. But I never get any in return. Just the "you’re so sweet" and "very thoughtful". I kind of get the impression she does like me. But will never admit it. I have no idea what this is. Can anyone shed light on this? Or am I reading too much into it. And just let it go?




*Premarital cohabitation has consistently been found to be associated with increased risk for divorce and marital distress in the United States.* 

The above was part of an abstract written by Dr. Scott M. Stanley, Dr. Galena Kline Rhoades and Dr. Howard J. Markman, from the University of Denver. Years ago I was trained in some of their material and used it in many seminars that I was involved. 

Scott Stanley, Ph.D., is a research professor and co‑director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver. 


Your story validates what Dr. Stanley writes about.


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## z_man (Nov 1, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> So I was gently told we were just friends...Well for obvious reasons. She once again told me, we are just friends.


She is putting the responsibility of anything that may happen squarely on you. IOW, Any progression from here on out will be all your fault, not hers.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> Co Worker already stated we were just friends in her eyes.


Well, if both of you think there is no harm in what you are doing, then you shouldn't have any problem showing this thread to your wife then should you?




> I was just trying to gather others opinions on if she was interested in me or not due to her actions.


Why does it matter? You are married.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> Geez for a forum that's about talking about marriage, should be more along the lines lynching your marriage.


First off, you didn't come here to talk about your marriage. You came here to get validation on whether another woman is into you.

Second, you are lynching your marriage, not us. Although I do suggest you get an annulment if possible before its too late.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

lovelygirl said:


> First off, I fixed the username for you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


How about LifeUnderBridgeIsHard


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

From what I've read, we are dealing with an Orbiting Beta cheater. Please focus on what is good in your life and improve on it. Bypass the temptations that weaken your character.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Q tip said:


> From what I've read, we are dealing with an Orbiting Beta cheater. Please focus on what is good in your life and improve on it. Bypass the temptations that weaken your character.


He has to have one. You're asking him to walk across a bridge that burned down.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> I have no idea what this is. Can anyone shed light on this? Or am I reading too much into it. And just let it go?


I'll answer your question. Don't waste your time. She's a c0ck tease who is just looking for attention. See, some women need attention because they want an ego boost due to having a boring marriage, low self-esteem or whatever lame excuse they come up with. So while some of these women will trade sex to get that attention, not all will. 

In your case, she already has you on the hook so she's not going to bother sleeping with you and risk ruining her position since you're already giving her what she wants by being a beta orbiter and drooling all over her. You're "relationship" is completely one sided and you're the patsy. 

Do yourself a favor, have some self respect and stop being used. She has zero incentive to put out for you. Instead give that attention to your wife and maybe you wouldn't be on a marriage website asking if some chick is into you.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

Just out of curiosity, ask your wife and her husband these questions....then come back and tell us what you learned.


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

I appreciate everyones input on this situation. Some of you guys really put alot of things into perspective. And a lot of others were pretty hard on me, and I could see why. As of now, I have stopped communicating with this woman outside of work. I honestly dont want to hurt my wife and ruin my marriage. I guess I was missing the attention as well. Tonght I will speak with my wife about us. But I wont tell her entirely what was happening at work. Since nothing did happen, I dont want to upset her. Thank you all. I look forward to chatting with you guys in the future. BD thanks for the insight, I do feel used now. Now that I think of it.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> BD thanks for the insight, I do feel used now. Now that I think of it.


Probably one of the least thought of points is what the potential AP will get out of it?

I asked as to her ranking in your work place as I have known women to use sex as a means of getting male colleagues slam dunked with SH charges so they can climb the ladder faster, even though they instigated the situation,

If you feel neglected in your marriage then do something about it within your marriage, try to imagine how your W feels too, perhaps she feels neglected also?


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

wranglerman said:


> Probably one of the least thought of points is what the potential AP will get out of it?
> 
> I asked as to her ranking in your work place as I have known women to use sex as a means of getting male colleagues slam dunked with SH charges so they can climb the ladder faster, even though they instigated the situation,
> 
> If you feel neglected in your marriage then do something about it within your marriage, try to imagine how your W feels too, perhaps she feels neglected also?


Sorry man, actually we have sort of the same rank, just different titles.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> I appreciate everyones input on this situation. Some of you guys really put alot of things into perspective. And a lot of others were pretty hard on me, and I could see why. As of now, I have stopped communicating with this woman outside of work. I honestly dont want to hurt my wife and ruin my marriage. I guess I was missing the attention as well. Tonght I will speak with my wife about us. But I wont tell her entirely what was happening at work. Since nothing did happen, I dont want to upset her. Thank you all. I look forward to chatting with you guys in the future. BD thanks for the insight, I do feel used now. Now that I think of it.


So are you going to make your wife feel as if she is the only problem in the marriage?


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

vellocet said:


> So are you going to make your wife feel as if she is the only problem in the marriage?


Actually I am not. But since you know more than I do at this point. What will be the ideal thing to do. I enjoy your responses!


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> Actually I am not. But since you know more than I do at this point. What will be the ideal thing to do. I enjoy your responses!


To tell her what you need from her, then tell her the kind of person you are and that you engaged in an emotional affair with a woman at work, but stopped before it got physical.

Anything less, and your wife just may bust her hump to be a better wife for you not realizing the kind of husband you are. Its not fair to her to do any heaving lifting in the marriage under false pretenses.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Why am I getting a whiff of Kendall?


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

vellocet said:


> To tell her what you need from her, then tell her the kind of person you are and that you engaged in an emotional affair with a woman at work, but stopped before it got physical.
> 
> Anything less, and your wife just may bust her hump to be a better wife for you not realizing the kind of husband you are. Its not fair to her to do any heaving lifting in the marriage under false pretenses.



And that's exactly what I will do. She already knows the kind of person I am, and this "emotional affair" was never going to get physical Olivia Newton. The co worker only saw me as a friend. And that was the end of that.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> And that's exactly what I will do. She already knows the kind of person I am, and this "emotional affair" was never going to get physical Olivia Newton.


So you told her about the emotional affair? How does that correlate with this: 



> But I wont tell her entirely what was happening at work





> The co worker only saw me as a friend. And that was the end of that.


Friends don't flirt with each other and have an attraction. There is no way you can be "friends" with this woman. That ship already sailed.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> And that's exactly what I will do. She already knows the kind of person I am, and this "emotional affair" was never going to get physical Olivia Newton. The co worker only saw me as a friend. And that was the end of that.


This "emotional affair" was never going to go physical because you were shot down by the other women. You told the OW you liked her but she let you know that the two of you were only friends. What would have happened if she had said that she liked you too? Will you be telling your wife all of this?


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> Well some people wait longer than others. Just like some get married after being together for 3 months or so. In my post I never stated anything about cheating. Co Worker already stated we were just friends in her eyes. I was just trying to gather others opinions on if she was interested in me or not due to her actions. But appreciate your input as well.


I am jumping in late. You are cheating on your wife, It is called an emotional affair.

I am sure you would not do or say the things you do with her in front of your wife. You are attracted to her you are spending time with her you are cheating EA.

You have violated the marriage boundaries and you know it. I hope you knock it off right now and devote that type of energy to your wife


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## ScrewedEverything (May 14, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> *Premarital cohabitation has consistently been found to be associated with increased risk for divorce and marital distress in the United States.*
> 
> The above was part of an abstract written by Dr. Scott M. Stanley, Dr. Galena Kline Rhoades and Dr. Howard J. Markman, from the University of Denver. Years ago I was trained in some of their material and used it in many seminars that I was involved.


Some threads are just crying out to be jacked. I figure this is one of them and this comment may be the most interesting thing in it.

Can you tell us anything more about this study Thorburn? I thought it was interesting since it seems so counter-intuitive. You'd think that couples who cohabitated before marriage would be statistically _less_ likely to experience divorce/marital problems.


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

You're playing with fire Mate and you will get burned! My advice to to you is stop it now and try and reconnect with your wife. Read my post.

If you keep going you will end up getting caught and then you will be posting here in a different forum.

No matter how innocent it seems at the moment, women think differently to men. Stop it now and rediscover your wife unless you want to blow 12 years with someone who loves you for a married woman who you don't really know intimately and who quite clearly isn't prepared to take it up with you.


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## hazelli (Apr 6, 2014)

Focus on improving your relationship with your wife. 12 years of marriage may mean both of you are getting used to each other. Think of the early days of your courtship and rekindle that love. Stop all physical contact like rubbing of the arms and frequent messaging. It will do you no good. Constant contact with anyone (not just with this co-worker) will build a bond between two of you, so don't take it off course with your imagination. Like you wrote it is temptation. Turn your back on temptation and run as far from it as you can. Focus on the one you committed to 12 years ago and bring this relationship to another level be it picking up a new hobby together, learning a new language or doing charity work together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

HarryDoyle said:


> Bingo! You win 3 internets.
> Your prize is next to the bridge
> 
> 
> I'm going back to sleep, I must be slipping





vellocet said:


> To tell her what you need from her, then tell her the kind of person you are and that you engaged in an emotional affair with a woman at work, but stopped before it got physical.
> 
> Anything less, and your wife just may bust her hump to be a better wife for you not realizing the kind of husband you are. Its not fair to her to do any heaving lifting in the marriage under false pretenses.


No need to tell her anything, that's just going to cause problems. Just stop with the other woman and reconnect with your wife


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## hazelli (Apr 6, 2014)

hazelli said:


> Focus on improving your relationship with your wife. 12 years of marriage may mean both of you are getting used to each other. Think of the early days of your courtship and rekindle that love. Stop all physical contact like rubbing of the arms and frequent messaging. It will do you no good. Constant contact with anyone (not just with this co-worker) will build a bond between two of you, so don't take it off course with your imagination. Like you wrote it is temptation. Turn your back on temptation and run as far from it as you can. Focus on the one you committed to 12 years ago and bring this relationship to another level be it picking up a new hobby together, learning a new language or doing charity work together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

I saw my co worker today, obviously we work in the same department. I said hello, she said hello, and we both went are seperate ways. There was no flirting or rubbing of the arms, or taps on the shoulder. She usually initiates that. I don't. I thought about telling her that I coudln't speak to her outside of work anymore. The reason for that is....I would look and sound like a creep. If she looks at me as a friend at work. And nothing more, then why would I tell her we can't text or chat. I rather just drop it all together and keep it strictly work. If anyone can understand what im saying. To me it would look like i'm having this "EA" in my head. And she is not. And thruthfully telling my wife would cause problems. For some reason co worker did not text me at all today, and vice versa. So maybe she feels the same? Who knows, and I might never know. Because I plan on not speaking to her besides anything work related. As far as my wife goes. I don't understand why you guys are being judgemental about the amount of time we spent together before getting married. Some couples are different. People are different. It worked for us then and it works for us now.


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## Pinkpetal (Jan 2, 2014)

You've been with your wife such a long time. That history together is special. And yet only one year after marriage you allow your head to be turned. I think that is so sad. I really do. 

But I will say well done to you for dragging your integrity level back up where it should be. Keep it there. You're guilty of taking your beautiful wife for granted. How about putting your time and energy into flirting with her? The results just may surprise you.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

You need to get yourself into counseling pronto. You have major issues if one year into your marriage you are skirting the boundaries. Even if the ow doesn't think it is an EA (which she does or she wouldn't be specific about contacting her when she is with her H) the fact that you are hiding it from your wife is wrong. You need to get counseling on how to deal with this and how to talk to your wife about it. Of course it will probably cause issues with your M but that is something you owe your W and yourself to work through. Hiding the issues will only rug sweep them to appear at a later date and probably worse as you got away with it this time but what about next. Do you think it is fair to work with the AP everyday, as that is what she is? Would you also want it know if your W was doing the same thing and would you think it so innocent and not worth her talking to you about?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I think "counciling" would be in order too...


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> I saw my co worker today, obviously we work in the same department. I said hello, she said hello, and we both went are seperate ways. There was no flirting or rubbing of the arms, or taps on the shoulder. She usually initiates that. I don't. I thought about telling her that I coudln't speak to her outside of work anymore. The reason for that is....I would look and sound like a creep. If she looks at me as a friend at work. And nothing more, then why would I tell her we can't text or chat. I rather just drop it all together and keep it strictly work. If anyone can understand what im saying. To me it would look like i'm having this "EA" in my head. And she is not. And thruthfully telling my wife would cause problems. For some reason co worker did not text me at all today, and vice versa. So maybe she feels the same? Who knows, and I might never know. Because I plan on not speaking to her besides anything work related. As far as my wife goes. I don't understand why you guys are being judgemental about the amount of time we spent together before getting married. Some couples are different. People are different. It worked for us then and it works for us now.


We'll done. I wouldn't say anything to your wife as you say it would just cause problems, I would spend some time reflecting on this period and and work out how to rediscover some passion with your wife


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

Kevinb said:


> We'll done. I wouldn't say anything to your wife as you say it would just cause problems, I would spend some time reflecting on this period and and work out how to rediscover some passion with your wife


Thanks finally someone who could understand about keeping it from my wife...Well atleast for the sake of our neighbors. Who wont have to deal with listening to the argument that will escalate from this. Theres no excuse for my actions. At the end of the day I was attracted to said worker. Then realized I have a beautfil unique person at home. Who has always been there since day one. I wouldn't mess that up for another woman with a fat azz and nice tits...:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Sorry but if you can't do the time don't do the crime. You have known it was wrong from the beginning and yet you continued with the game. I guess it is all fine now that you have someone that agrees with your messed up point of view. 

Would you not be upset if you found out down the road that your wife had been doing the same thing and hidden it from you? Also think about what happens when the ow might become resentful of your changed demeanor towards her and attempt something. How then are you going to explain it, because it will be much worse then? Believe me when I say that most on here would rather have been told by their spouse about the exploits than to discover or have it thrust upon them by a third party. You may be lucky and it just disappears or you may be committing marital suicide. This is something you need counseling to deal with directly and not the words of some anonymous people on an Internet forum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mg2977 (Mar 20, 2013)

You could be my STBXH, this is exactly how his affair started and now we are in the middle of the divorce from h*ll, his OW is 6 months pregnant and now his whole life is a disaster (his words). Trust me the OW is a road you don't want to travel and if you keep it up your life will be a disaster.

And I agree with a previous poster, the OW's "we are just friends" and making you initiate are all part of a game, so when both of your spouses find out and her husband kicks her out she can blame and put the guilt on you. That way you chased her and she lost/gave up everything for you. Seriously this whole situation is such a bad cliche!!

Go NC and start focusing on your wife and marriage. There's a reason you have been together 12 plus years and do not forget that.


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## Sweet Ginger (Mar 25, 2013)

Since you think it is okay for this woman at work to rub your arm, maybe you should tell your wife so she can have a "just friend" rub her arm. You probably should not have married your wife. If you are only married a year and are worried about whether or not the woman at work is just friends with you or not. We all know what you want the woman at work to do with you.


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## purplereign (May 20, 2013)

OMG this guy is so trolling. I can't believe anyone would sit here and say they are married but then talk about some OW's "assets". What the hell has happened to commitment in this country? 

You keep asking if this OW likes you when it is completely obvious to everyone else that she is playing you for attention. The whole "friends" thing puts you in the category of a lap dog. She says jump, you say "how high". She needs that. If she wouldn't get it from you she gets it from anyone else that shows her attention.

So, do your wife a favor and tell her you'd rather be single and that the last 12 years have been a nice run. Quite frankly you don't deserve the love and commitment she is giving you and it's insane that you would even consider throwing away a wife/friend who obviously would do anything for you. I mean she has stood by through all your crap and your blatent immaturity for 12 years. She deserves an award. 

Furthermore, you deserve to be slapped with a SH suit. It will happen, trust me - It's doubtful at this point you'll be able to let this go in the long run because it's pretty apparent you like this OW more than your wife. Don't be surprised if this comes up in some sort of review with your boss. And also don't be surprised if other people have complained about your interactions. This kind of behavior at work can sink careers. But since you have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old you probably haven't thought this through.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> My first post. But a long time visitor. First off I am married. Been with my wife 12 years, only married 1. So at work there’s this attractive, beautiful other woman. Who I find myself hanging with all the time. I like being in her company. We laugh, share office gossip. She’s also married. When I first laid eyes on her, I was instantly attracted to her. It started with some flirting. Nothing major. She's a huge flirt as well. Much better than I am. We did not hang as much before. Just did the casual office flirting with her. Compliments here and there. She never gave them back. Usually just said "thank you". I admitted one time, that I did like her. So I was gently told we were just friends...Well for obvious reasons. Fast forward a couple months later. We hadn't spoken since then. I was kind of embarrassed. So I laid low at work for a while. Things started up again. As I always make the first contact. We started hanging out more. Actually every night before we went home. We would just chat and make jokes about the other coworkers. I would get the "arm rub" when I made her laugh. Or the flirting touches. And recently we just started texting outside of work. Nothing sexual, just carrying on from our office chats. She once again told me, we are just friends. OK..No problem. But she does not want me texting her while she’s home with her husband. Or when he’s around. If he is around she would stop texting. And by now I know what it means. She said its "just innocent flirting”. She gets jealous if I’m speaking to other female workers. Or if she sees me glancing too long at other women. I still give her compliments. But I never get any in return. Just the "you’re so sweet" and "very thoughtful". I kind of get the impression she does like me. But will never admit it. I have no idea what this is. Can anyone shed light on this? Or am I reading too much into it. And just let it go?


No good will come from this at all. That you can't see it, just blows my mind. 

If your wife drives you crazy and you are having an EA with an other woman, (and justifying it as "just carrying on from our office chats", why on earth don't you sit your wife down and tell her that before the brown stuff hits the fan?? 

Because as sure as God made little green apples, it's on it's way. :scratchhead:


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

You need to ignore the post from purple reign! 

How can anyone say from a few posts on a forum that your wife has put up with all your crap and immaturity for 12 years? Right, so purplereign has known you both well for those 12 years to know this? 

Some advice on this thread has been spot-on in my opinion (and remember, it is ONLY people's opinions, they are not experts), and you may do well to listen to some of it. Purplereign's? LMFAO!!


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## TEKAMIRACLE (Sep 3, 2009)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> My first post. But a long time visitor. First off I am married. Been with my wife 12 years, only married 1. So at work there’s this attractive, beautiful other woman. Who I find myself hanging with all the time. I like being in her company. We laugh, share office gossip. She’s also married. When I first laid eyes on her, I was instantly attracted to her. It started with some flirting. Nothing major. She's a huge flirt as well. Much better than I am. We did not hang as much before. Just did the casual office flirting with her. Compliments here and there. She never gave them back. Usually just said "thank you". I admitted one time, that I did like her. So I was gently told we were just friends...Well for obvious reasons. Fast forward a couple months later. We hadn't spoken since then. I was kind of embarrassed. So I laid low at work for a while. Things started up again. As I always make the first contact. We started hanging out more. Actually every night before we went home. We would just chat and make jokes about the other coworkers. I would get the "arm rub" when I made her laugh. Or the flirting touches. And recently we just started texting outside of work. Nothing sexual, just carrying on from our office chats. She once again told me, we are just friends. OK..No problem. But she does not want me texting her while she’s home with her husband. Or when he’s around. If he is around she would stop texting. And by now I know what it means. She said its "just innocent flirting”. She gets jealous if I’m speaking to other female workers. Or if she sees me glancing too long at other women. I still give her compliments. But I never get any in return. Just the "you’re so sweet" and "very thoughtful". I kind of get the impression she does like me. But will never admit it. I have no idea what this is. Can anyone shed light on this? Or am I reading too much into it. And just let it go?


I know what you mean by temptation. Your hormones speaks louder that your conscience and sadly it is very common. 
I left my husband past July after a cheating relapse (his) and since I haven´t been able to be with anyone. There is a nice guy at work but he is married, and, I have to be honest, I may did get into a pathetic flirt game, that led him to a confused situation ... my ego is so low and girls have hormones too … but I got my head around (I´m sure you have one to ) and keep my distance now and really when I think about this guy is a prick! because is doing the same thing that my ex did to me. 
I have a rule: Don´t do to others what really made you suffer.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Jule99 said:


> You need to ignore the post from purple reign!


Ummm... I don't think so.



WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> I wouldn't mess that up for another woman with a fat azz and nice tits...:rofl::rofl::rofl:


Huh?

I think purple reign is right on the money with this one.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

One time at band camp.....


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

TEKAMIRACLE said:


> There is a nice guy at work but he is married, and, I have to be honest, I may did get into a pathetic flirt game, that led him to a confused situation ... my ego is so low and girls have hormones too … but I got my head around (I´m sure you have one to ) and keep my distance now and really when *I think about this guy is a prick*! because is doing the same thing that my ex did to me.


So you are starting down the cheating path as well (yes you did catch it and stop according to you), he is married and you knew this, you are feeding this guys ego in return for yours being fed, yet you get to judge him, his character, and call him names?? What do you call and consider yourself, as it takes two to tango??? Seems kind of hypocritical to me to call names on someone that only did what you did, yet hold yourself in a higher esteem?


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## Csquare (Jan 14, 2014)

WDMC,

First off, why does your wife drive you crazy? I'm assuming it's bad crazy or you would not be tempted. Maybe you two need some MC to strengthen your bonds.

Secondly, if you truly love your wife and want a solid lasting marriage, then for god's sakes *GUARD* your marriage as if it is the most precious, valuable treasure in your life. Don't let anyone or anything jeopardize it. No eye candy, no sweet ass, no nothing. 

And that means remove yourself physically from temptation. Keep a distance. Don't make lingering eye contact especially with women you find attractive. Do not seek them out for flirtation and jokey come-ons. 

The old fat grandma, the one with bad breath, be buddies with her. She's safe and likely not going to threaten your marriage. So, yes, you can have companionships with the opposite sex even after marriage. But choose wisely who the companions will be. Don't overestimate your personal will power. We are all vulnerable to attractions outside our marriage. Gotta nip those in the bud.


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## TEKAMIRACLE (Sep 3, 2009)

Squeakr said:


> So you are starting down the cheating path as well (yes you did catch it and stop according to you), he is married and you knew this, you are feeding this guys ego in return for yours being fed, yet you get to judge him, his character, and call him names?? What do you call and consider yourself, as it takes two to tango??? Seems kind of hypocritical to me to call names on someone that only did what you did, yet hold yourself in a higher esteem?


You are right. Don´t think that I feel good about it. You start to talk, there is some chemistry and suddenly your mind starts to ramble. Same old story! I have learned my lesson.


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Ummm... I don't think so.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


The whole "fat azz and tits" was a joke. And pure sarcasm. Wheres your sense of humor? You guys have taken my post and turned me into Jeffrey Dahmer in the last 2 days. I did not come on here to ask anyone on how to cheat on my wife. I was simply telling my story of what was occuring with a co worker. I did not bang her, have not kissed, not hugged. Nada... nothing. It was flirting that was NOT going to turn into anything. Name one spouse on this forum that is married as has not caught herself or himself attracted to someone that is not a spouse. It happens we are humans if I stand corrected. Or are we not? My wife is attractive as hell, and other men flirt with her because she is hot. I'm not with her 24 hours out of the day. So its bound to happen that other men or women may approach her in a flirting matter. And to the poster who blasted me for for being immature. What do you know? By what I read you seem to know me pretty well. Since you are my lost bestfriend why don't you come over for dinner so we can catch up?


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> The whole "fat azz and tits" was a joke. And pure sarcasm. Wheres your sense of humor? You guys have taken my post and turned me into Jeffrey Dahmer in the last 2 days. I did not come on here to ask anyone on how to cheat on my wife. I was simply telling my story of what was occuring with a co worker. I did not bang her, have not kissed, not hugged. Nada... nothing. It was flirting that was NOT going to turn into anything. Name one spouse on this forum that is married as has not caught herself or himself attracted to someone that is not a spouse. It happens we are humans if I stand corrected. Or are we not? My wife is attractive as hell, and other men flirt with her because she is hot. I'm not with her 24 hours out of the day. So its bound to happen that other men or women may approach her in a flirting matter.


Yes we are all human and attraction to others is normal. Acting upon that attraction when we are in a committed and long term relationship is not acceptable at all. Your impression is that of a typical cheater in that it is nothing. You did nothing, although you admit to the close touching, infatuation, etc, from where I am that is something. You say your W is pretty, would you like and be accepting of her behaving in the same manner as your co-worker is? If not then maybe you either don't care as much are more secure than others (although that is generally how infidelities bloom when couples take each other lightly without concern) or if you do, then you are hypocritical to call your actions nothing.

Sorry but if you have never had your life rocked by infidelity, you don't know the pain that is inflicted through it (EA or PA), it destroys a person and cuts directly to their core. Read on this site and you will see how it destroys a person both mentally and physically. The only things that people (and it varies by person) find to have been worse at causing pain in their life than being cheated on is the rape of themselves or a child, or the death of their child or loved one. Nothing else compares, nothing! 

Everything else in life pales in comparison to pain felt through a betrayal, so forgive us when someone comes on here essentially mocking our pain with jokes about infidelity and then plays it off like we were in the wrong for not having a big hearty guffaw.

I hope that you are never here on this site as the receiving end of a betrayal.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> The whole "fat azz and tits" was a joke. And pure sarcasm. Wheres your sense of humor? You guys have taken my post and turned me into Jeffrey Dahmer in the last 2 days. I did not come on here to ask anyone on how to cheat on my wife. I was simply telling my story of what was occuring with a co worker. I did not bang her, have not kissed, not hugged. Nada... nothing. It was flirting that was NOT going to turn into anything.


Well, then if that is ALL it was, then you should have no problem telling your wife everything you told us, no?




> Name one spouse on this forum that is married as has not caught herself or himself attracted to someone that is not a spouse.


The difference here is, whether you want to believe it or not, you ACTED on it by signaling your interest to her. Looking from afar and admiring someone's attractiveness is natural. Flirting with them because you are attracted to them, then wondering if she likes you is a completely different story. Just because you didn't cross the physical line doesn't mean you didn't know what you were doing and get to play dumb.

So again, tell your wife everything you told us. There shouldn't be a problem if you don't think you did anything wrong.

But then again, if you don't think that, you wouldn't be here.




> It happens we are humans if I stand corrected. Or are we not? My wife is attractive as hell, and other men flirt with her because she is hot.


Does she flirt back and let the other men know she is interested in them like you have with this co-worker?
I'm sure to help your own argument to your situation you'll tell us that she has.

So if it was all so innocent, then why are you here? Why did you bother signing up for an account to ask us if the OW is interested? And why aren't you telling your wife if it was all so innocent?


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

vellocet said:


> Well, then if that is ALL it was, then you should have no problem telling your wife everything you told us, no?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I am here because its a public forum. And here by what I can read people share stories, and opinions. I shared my thoughts, heard all your opinions. Corrected my mistakes, and wether you like to believe me or not took alot of your stories into consideration. Obviously I have to see my co worker on a regular basis. If its in the elevator , the cafeteria, outside on a smoke break or even during a team meeting. But I will keep things on a professional level. And she does try to flirt, I will remind her we are in a workplace and we are both married.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Sorry OP, there just seems to be a pattern here.

People come to a PRO-marriage website, ask questions that are bound to get people riled up, then blast the responders with anger and defensive arguments justifying their positions.

Forgive me if just all feels so familiar.

I mean no disrespect.


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Sorry OP, there just seems to be a pattern here.
> 
> People come to a PRO-marriage website, ask questions that are bound to get people riled up, then blast the responders with anger and defensive arguments justifying their positions.
> 
> ...


None taken!:smthumbup:


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

There are a lot of people here that DO want to help. The poster ConanHub is very respected here and is kind. Have you considered finding a new job or move to another department so you won't be tempted?


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> Sorry but if you can't do the time don't do the crime. You have known it was wrong from the beginning and yet you continued with the game. I guess it is all fine now that you have someone that agrees with your messed up point of view.
> 
> Would you not be upset if you found out down the road that your wife had been doing the same thing and hidden it from you? Also think about what happens when the ow might become resentful of your changed demeanor towards her and attempt something. How then are you going to explain it, because it will be much worse then? Believe me when I say that most on here would rather have been told by their spouse about the exploits than to discover or have it thrust upon them by a third party. You may be lucky and it just disappears or you may be committing marital suicide. This is something you need counseling to deal with directly and not the words of some anonymous people on an Internet forum.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh please.... You're as anonymous as anyone else on this forum... Do the crime do the time... What crime? And yeah I'm sure his wife would appreciate him adding some drama into the marriage.

For goodness sakes, he made a mistake, he knows he made a mistake, he's regretful that he made that mistake and he's taken steps to ensure that it doesn't occur again. Plus, the mistake wasn't as harrowing as as everyone makes it sound and was nipped in the bud pretty quickly by both parties.

Give the guy a break. Telling his wife wife won't help the marriage at all it will only weaken it.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Kevinb said:


> Oh please.... You're as anonymous as anyone else on this forum... Do the crime do the time... What crime? And yeah I'm sure his wife would appreciate him adding some drama into the marriage.
> 
> For goodness sakes, he made a mistake, he knows he made a mistake, he's regretful that he made that mistake and he's taken steps to ensure that it doesn't occur again. Plus, the mistake wasn't as harrowing as as everyone makes it sound and was nipped in the bud pretty quickly by both parties.
> 
> Give the guy a break. Telling his wife wife won't help the marriage at all it will only weaken it.


Never claimed to not be anonymous, so stop being so condescending about it all. I was putting us all into the same basket, as we all are anonymous on here as long as we care to remain so, so stop your judging under false pretenses. 

As for the crime it is infidelity, which is a crime in my state. Yes flirting and starting an EA is still a crime in my state (as well as Criminal Conversation and Alienation of Affection both of which took place here) so my assessment stands.

Get off your high horse and stop putting down everyone that doesn't agree with you. Your patting him on the back for doing nothing about the bad decision he made and his claim that he won't do it again. It was not a mistake, but a bad choice. As for adding drama to the marriage, he already did that himself, just decided not to inform his wife so the damage is already there. If someone cheats on their spouse and doesn't tell them, then no damages or drama is done to the marriage right? Wrong, it is still done and I feel that the spouse deserves the right to know so the issues can be addressed and worked through if needed. Give me a break, I never asked him to D his wife, just tell her of his activities. IF they really were nothing like you say, then it shouldn't make any difference right? IF you don't agree with that, then you think they were something worth noting and mentioning as well.

Also we only know that he says he has it under control and will keep it on a professional level, doesn't sound nipped in the bud to me, just rug swept for the time. There is no NC, still conversation, and all is hidden, how is that showing anything being done??


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> Never claimed to not be anonymous, so stop being so condescending about it all. I was putting us all into the same basket, as we all are anonymous on here as long as we care to remain so, so stop your judging under false pretenses.
> 
> As for the crime it is infidelity, which is a crime in my state. Yes flirting and starting an EA is still a crime in my state (as well as Criminal Conversation and Alienation of Affection both of which took place here) so my assessment stands.
> 
> ...


"Condescending, high horse" take a look at your own comments before you accuse me of the former. You obviously have read my posts as I have not patted him on the back NOR have I put anyone down (except righteous Wally's like yourself)

I don't know what state you come from....but hell, have a look what's taken place in his situation before you start talking crime and time!

"D" his wife? Give you a break? ...geez have you even taken the time to read his thread?? 

As for it not been nipped in the bud...well we can only go by what he says as we went by with his story in the first place and if he says he has got a handle on things...who are we to dispute that?

IMHO it's advice from people like yourself that cause marriage problems rather than help.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Kevinb said:


> "Condescending, high horse" take a look at your own comments before you accuse me of the former. You obviously have read my posts as I have not patted him on the back NOR have I put anyone down (except righteous Wally's like yourself)
> 
> I don't know what state you come from....but hell, have a look what's taken place in his situation before you start talking crime and time!
> 
> ...


Then keep your opinion to yourself would be the best thing in these situations. You should take a reading comprehension class instead of just picking out random statements and stringing them together to try and discredit someone. Talk about not reading posts. I never suggested D as you have highlighted not anything of the sort. I have merely suggested what most others here have which is NC with the OW, counseling, and disclosure to the wife. In fact you are the only one that I have seen congratulating him and recommending that the he rug sweep the whole thing. 

I suggested you get off your high horse and stop being so condescending yet never stopped to the level of name calling (as you have) nor will I. I see stooping that level as nothing but a low command of linguistic skills so one reverts to insults to get their thoughts across. As for your opinion of my advice, if everyone followed your advice about rug sweeping how would marriages be any better? I care to hear your opinion of how hiding and lying about nefarious activities builds a closeness and bonding that a marriage should contain and helps if to strive and grow? I only see it masking and hiding problems for years, just ask Forest how his wife hiding her activities for 20 years helped his marriage?

I can tell you that my WWs flirting being hidden from me helped nothing. She even said that it became so common place and nothing to her as she had hidden it so long that when she acted upon it she never even have it a second thought as the boundary had since long been greyed out and blurred. She also said she thought she had it all under control as well. So take my advice as you will from someone that has been there already and experienced the pain from it. I don't see how recommending truth, honesty, and professional assistance is a bad thing. If so then yes I guess my advice is harmful to marriages and needs to be discredited. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> Then keep your opinion to yourself would be the best thing in these situations. You should take a reading comprehension class instead of just picking out random statements and stringing them together to try and discredit someone. Talk about not reading posts. I never suggested D as you have highlighted not anything of the sort. I have merely suggested what most others here have which is NC with the OW, counseling, and disclosure to the wife. In fact you are the only one that I have seen congratulating him and recommending that the he rug sweep the whole thing.
> 
> I suggested you get off your high horse and stop being so condescending yet never stopped to the level of name calling (as you have) nor will I. I see stooping that level as nothing but a low command of linguistic skills so one reverts to insults to get their thoughts across. As for your opinion of my advice, if everyone followed your advice about rug sweeping how would marriages be any better? I care to hear your opinion of how hiding and lying about nefarious activities builds a closeness and bonding that a marriage should contain and helps if to strive and grow? I only see it masking and hiding problems for years, just ask Forest how his wife hiding her activities for 20 years helped his marriage?
> 
> ...


We'll Professor of Linguistics, did you read his posts.... All of them? He's sorry for what occurred , has stated he loves his wife and has no further interest in continuing what albeit a minor hiccup which amounted to nothing.

In this instance I see it IMHO to not put his wife, himself and their marriage through the drama and repercussions that telling her about what has occurred would do. If he chooses to go down the route if IC, well good on him but that should be his decision.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Kevinb said:


> We'll Professor of Linguistics, did you read his posts.... All of them? He's sorry for what occurred , has stated he loves his wife and has no further interest in continuing what albeit a minor hiccup which amounted to nothing.
> 
> In this instance I see it IMHO to not put his wife, himself and their marriage through the drama and repercussions that telling her about what has occurred would do. If he chooses to go down the route if IC, well good on him but that should be his decision.


Yes, I have read everything and sorry but what person that cheated hasn't said that they are sorry for what they have done when they realize it was wrong (whether they have stopped or not they always apologize first for their actions, even if they don't feel they have done anything wrong). I'll spare you the name calling insults though, as the same reason as stated before, but by all means continue down your childish road as it makes you feel the better person and gives you some thrill and upper hand apparently and is helping in proving that your advice is much better than mine as that is your opinion and it is proceeded with name calling and belittling. 

As for following advice on this board, that is everyone's choice whether to heed advice or ignore it. Doesn't mean that we are still not allowed to present the options and reasons why one should or should not do something and evidence to support our advice. Even if it is in the best interest of all or none, the person is going to do what they want as I have stated before and thus should also seek the advice and guidance of professionals and not just the responses of anonymous posters on the Internet (the statement you took offense to but was referring to all respondents) as they are generally trained to determine best outcome particulars. 

I have stated real world examples and the outcomes in this exact situations and how it was made worse through not revealing (and in most cases here it started innocently and the WS always had the control and ended it to start again later without the BS ever the wiser as without consequences it becomes to be seen as nothing in time which it is anything but), so what examples, other than your opinion, do you have that leads you to believe that your advice is so superior to mine that you would go as far as to even down play mine by stating that I am a generally a hazard to marriages and cause more issues due to my advice? Due to your advice some may even question if you have ever felt the pains of infidelity, as those that haven't generally have a different set of beliefs ( I know mine have changed since experiencing it personally). Heck dependent on the side of infidelity you are on even colors your impressions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> Yes, I have read everything and sorry but what person that cheated hasn't said that they are sorry for what they have done when they realize it was wrong (whether they have stopped or not they always apologize first for their actions, even if they don't feel they have done anything wrong). I'll spare you the name calling insults though, as the same reason as stated before, but by all means continue down your childish road as it makes you feel the better person and gives you some thrill and upper hand apparently and is helping in proving that your advice is much better than mine as that is your opinion and it is proceeded with name calling and belittling.
> 
> As for following advice on this board, that is everyone's choice whether to heed advice or ignore it. Doesn't mean that we are still not allowed to present the options and reasons why one should or should not do something and evidence to support our advice. Even if it is in the best interest of all or none, the person is going to do what they want as I have stated before and thus should also seek the advice and guidance of professionals and not just the responses of anonymous posters on the Internet (the statement you took offense to but was referring to all respondents) as they are generally trained to determine best outcome particulars.
> 
> ...


I have never stated your advice is less superior to anyone's I'm just stating my opinion. Guidance of professionals...all for it.

I'm sorry you have experienced infidelity as I also apologise for calling you a "Wally".

I do, however, believe that nothing good will come out of him explaining this situation to his wife


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Kevinb said:


> I have never stated your advice is less superior to anyone's I'm just stating my opinion. Guidance of professionals...all for it.
> 
> I'm sorry you have experienced infidelity as I also apologise for calling you a "Wally".
> 
> I do, however, believe that nothing good will come out of him explaining this situation to his wife


Interesting this personally I don't believe any of this 'story' I think it's likely one of our friends at the bottom of the field!

However it does raise a point that is brought up on these forums. To tell or not 

I can't personally see any long term value in keeping such insidious damaging secrets for years on end. In the short term they may well protect the unknowing spouse but the reality as we often see on here is that when it inevitable comes to light (and they ALL do) then that 'little' secret is all enveloping all consuming and a thousand times bigger later on mostly because it has been a secret. It almost certainly will mean the end when it does eventually matrialize.

'Fronting up' in infidelity is, from my observations a big winner. It may hurt right there and then but when calm descends, a betrayed person will actually accept that they were not lied to for years on end and 90% of them will actually respect that fact.

Do you think not telling always remains that way ? DO you not understand we all have this - GUT INSTINCT ? Most of us betrayed, that were not told, actually 'felt' it or knew it was happening. Most of us were at some point thinking 'I wonder if you have the balls to tell me or are just going to carry on till you get caught' - yes? 

Most of us actually felt some 'relief' at finally knowing although course having to become a private detective then made us lose all respect for the cheating scumbags we were saddled with - yes ?

Not telling, is a short 'fix'

........... for the cheat


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Hehehe

Well within 30 seconds of posting the above I read this opening post from the 'one good reply needed ...thanks ' thread



davidsmith003 said:


> I knew something happened 14 years ago, just wasn't sure what. Asked her, denied it. Many other times over the years, asked her, denied anything happened.
> Best marriage I thought, and no way, could not happen to us.
> Fast forward to last week. Asked her again, but bluffed and said I know it happened. Don't know why, but last week something triggered the memory and I just knew. For the first time, I just knew…like a woman's intuition! She confessed. But all it was consisted of a drive home from the bar outing that the work gang of hers had been on that Friday evening, and making out with "groping" in his car before coming home. Said she was too tipsy to drive, but I know from other facts that the plan was to drive home with him anyway. She had been flirting with him at her work for a while. She said she never spoke with him again outside work.
> So, I read up on all of this, and the stats state that only 17% of those who strayed and didn't admit it strayed only once, most(the other 83%) strayed 3-5 times.
> ...


Heartbreaking enough Kevinb.? Read that and countless others and tell me you still have the view you expressed ?

Obviously go to his thread to respond if you want but there you are. I didn't have to go far to prove my point did I?

There's only one outcome about keeping long damaging secrets that you know you do not want shared with the person you have hurt.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Of course and should the op in this thread be genuine, you have it all there in this post above I just put up to tell you everything you need to know


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## Kevinb (Jan 8, 2012)

Fair enough


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## WifeDrivesMeCrazy (May 7, 2013)

So I spoke with my co worker about this "EA", you guys on this site said we were having. She looked at me like I had 4 heads. In her words, she said there is no emotional affair. Because she does not have any emotions for me at all. I am her friend like she said before. And now I am "creeping" her out. The texting was innocent, we talked about movies, music and matters from work. I feel embarassed now. Because I knew all along it was nothing. And I let some of you convince me that it was the most terrible thing to happen since the final episode of saved by the bell. I now look like a creep. And a person who has an "imaginary affair in his own head" as I was told!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

I hate when that happens.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> So I spoke with my co worker about this "EA", you guys on this site said we were having. She looked at me like I had 4 heads. In her words, she said there is no emotional affair. Because she does not have any emotions for me at all. I am her friend like she said before. And now I am "creeping" her out. The texting was innocent, we talked about movies, music and matters from work. I feel embarassed now. Because I knew all along it was nothing. And I let some of you convince me that it was the most terrible thing to happen since the final episode of saved by the bell. I now look like a creep. And a person who has an "imaginary affair in his own head" as I was told!


Ooh... But do you think she really likes you? You know sometimes they will pretend not to like you, but really they do!


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> So I spoke with my co worker about this "EA", you guys on this site said we were having.


Correction... YOU were having. Thus, the title of your very
own thread. "Temptation"... which implies you were tempted.

Tempted to do what?.... (thank you).



WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> She looked at me like I had 4 heads. In her words, she said there is no emotional affair. Because she does not have any emotions for me at all. I am her friend like she said before. And now I am "creeping" her out.


She never implied that she was tempted to do anything...
you, on the other hand, were.



WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> The texting was innocent, we talked about movies, music and matters from work.


Innocent, yet don't text her when her husband is around... yeah, right.



WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> I feel embarassed now. Because I knew all along it was nothing. And I let some of you convince me that it was the most terrible thing to happen since the final episode of saved by the bell. I now look like a creep. And a person who has an "imaginary affair in his own head" as I was told!


If it was nothing, why did you come here? Why did you create
a thread titled "Temptation?"

When you find out your marriage sucks, you blame your wife.
When you find out the gal pal at work isn't interested, you blame
the people here. Of course. How convenient.

If you weren't tempted to have a real affair (EA or PA), then
why did you even bother asking for advice here?

Truth is, if it was as innocent as you're now pretending it to
be, there wouldn't have been any "temptation" to post here at all.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

Try and put it behind you now..put it down as one of life's crap experiences that you will know not to get caught up in again. We are human, we make mistakes..it's what you take from them that counts. Don't let people's opinions get you down too much - asking for advice from people that have had bad experiences is not always a good thing.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> So I spoke with my co worker about this "EA", you guys on this site said we were having. She looked at me like I had 4 heads.


In your words now, what lesson(s) have you learned from this?

Do you think this "saga" is over?

What does your wife think about this?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> So I spoke with my co worker about this "EA", you guys on this site said we were having. She looked at me like I had 4 heads. In her words, she said there is no emotional affair.... I now look like a creep. And a person who has an "imaginary affair in his own head" as I was told!


WDMC... Unless I missed it somewhere, I don't recall anyone here giving you the advice to "go talk to the co-worker about your EA." In fact, I believe they were telling you just the opposite -- go tell your WIFE.

You yourself already stated you didn't believe the OW had feelings for you. Why in the world would you go and have some heavy discussion with her about it? Of course she thinks you're a creeper.

All you had to do was ignore her texts, make yourself unavailable for chatting it up, and avoid her physical advances like shoulder rubbing, etc.

You are the reason you look like a creeper, not us.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

cantthinkstraight said:


> Correction... YOU were having. Thus, the title of your very
> own thread. "Temptation"... which implies you were tempted.
> 
> Tempted to do what?.... (thank you).
> ...


:iagree:

Nailed it!


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> So I spoke with my co worker about this "EA", you guys on this site said we were having. She looked at me like I had 4 heads. In her words, she said there is no emotional affair. Because she does not have any emotions for me at all. I am her friend like she said before. And now I am "creeping" her out. The texting was innocent, we talked about movies, music and matters from work. I feel embarassed now. Because I knew all along it was nothing. And I let some of you convince me that it was the most terrible thing to happen since the final episode of saved by the bell. I now look like a creep. And a person who has an "imaginary affair in his own head" as I was told!


Dude... Just... No... Of course she's going to at like you're crazy. I told you before all she wanted was attention. She was never going to give you anything in return cause you were already giving her what she wanted. Some women really just want attention not sex. The sex for them is just to keep the man's attention. But why would she buy the cow when she's getting the milk for free??? So now to protect her position, she going to act like your nuts so she comes away from this clean (in case you turn psycho or her hubby ever gets wind of it) and now you ARE the creepy patsy.

What you should of done is just go 180 on her. Cut her off completely and focus on your wife. Chalk it up to lession learned. I appreciate what you were trying to do and a sincere woman would of been adult enough to admit what was going on but most attention wh0res are immature by nature. Think about it, if she's shady enough to secretly try to get attention from other guys, then she's more than willing to play stupid and bus toss you the minute she's confronted. I told you before she will take whatever attention she can get from you AS LONG AS there is no risk to her stable situation. 

OR you're just a creepy guy who imagined the whole thing, LOL. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, however. You were never plan A or B. Just some free candy on the side she was willing to take until she got bored using you. She'll easily get her attention fix from someone else.


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

You are creepy if you told her all that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> OR you're just a creepy guy who imagined the whole thing, LOL.


This is exactly where I am after blaming TAM and not talking to your wife. She was friends, you escalated it in your mind and then you pulled the "you know people think we are boyfriend and girlfriend" garbage teenagers do in high school. The problem is, you are a married adult and you looked creepy. To me, concerning all the desperation I read in this thread from you, it sounds like you were fishing for confirmation and reciprocation of your version of the texting.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

WifeDrivesMeCrazy said:


> So I spoke with my co worker about this "EA", you guys on this site said we were having. She looked at me like I had 4 heads. In her words, she said there is no emotional affair. Because she does not have any emotions for me at all. I am her friend like she said before. And now I am "creeping" her out. The texting was innocent, we talked about movies, music and matters from work. I feel embarassed now. Because I knew all along it was nothing. And I let some of you convince me that it was the most terrible thing to happen since the final episode of saved by the bell. I now look like a creep. And a person who has an "imaginary affair in his own head" as I was told!


Sure, like she is NOT going to play it off

Bottom line, if everything you did would have bothered your wife, then it is inappropriate. And sorry, but texting another woman back and forth for some silly little sophomoric fun is just begging to see where it goes.

You both knew what you were doing and want to play it off like it was totally innocent. It wasn't. Not the "worst" thing that you could have done, but it was not innocent, and you know it.

Then again, I have to be careful what bridges I walk across.


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## MelodyAnn (Oct 20, 2012)

Headspin said:


> Hehehe
> 
> Well within 30 seconds of posting the above I read this opening post from the 'one good reply needed ...thanks ' thread
> 
> ...


AWWW. I'm truly sorry for your pain, and feel for your loss. It's the loss of something ideal, and reality can be not so pretty. When you found out your wife did some things that are not appropriate in a marriage, not really loyal, it was obviously a very disillusioning experience for you. You said you wanted to die after having lived the perfect life as a couple. That dream was shattered somehow. After the grief subsides, remember that life is not always a perfect fairy tale with a drama-free happily ever-after. But, we can still be happy in spite of the imperfections. If you have a heart-to-heart with your wife about how betrayed you feel about this, ask her for assurances that this kind of behavior never repeats. If you sense that she is genuinely sorry and committed to not dabbling in the path of temptation again, your relationship is worth sustaining. Life is rarely ever perfect, but we can always make things better. None of us were promised the fairy tale, and reality is what we are left to deal with.


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