# 8yrs married very sudden separation



## ni1ck (Oct 31, 2013)

I am married male, 33 years old married to a 32 year old female, been married 8 years and together 11 years. Our marriage has had no infidelity, no major lies, we have no children, no physical or emotional abuse, no drinking or drug problems, legal issues. We met in college & I knew right away she was the girl I wanted to marry. My wife was and still is an incredible lady, pretty, smart, & my love for her is only more now than ever. All in all I thought we had a very good marriage, we spend most nights together, regular intercourse, go out to dinner regularly, spend time with friends most weekends. We have had a minor problem with conceiving but not extensive. 

Three weeks ago I came home from work to my wife crying, holding a pregnancy test showing a positive result. I was overcome with happiness only too find out moments later that she was upset about it and was wanting a separation and that she needed time. She moved in with her mom the next day and has not been back except to get more clothes. We have had almost no communication except to say that she thinks she wants a divorce, that she does not love me anymore, and that we have nothing to work on. She remarked that their is no specific thing wrong with our marriage. I realize the off the top evidence screams affair but I am almost 100% sure that she did not have an affair. 

The issues below might be involved or might not be involved at all, I do not know since she isn't speaking
1. Five days ago she miscarried at her moms that was of course after our separation but just adding to her troubles. 
2. I recently inherited a small property worth about $350,000. However, we live in a state that she would not be able to get this in a divorce. 
3. I have been the majority earner almost all 8 years of marriage. She just started teaching this year and before that earned very little money. So she is able to support herself now without me.
4. Her mom is very kind & straight forward with me and we get along well, she states that she just sits in her room by herself and watches tv. That she is not opening up to her mom, her sister, her best friend either. 
5. I asked her best friend for advice and she said she didn't know anything was wrong. And her remark was if she doesn't love you than she's a very good actress. 

I make no pretense that I am the perfect husband and I obviously had some faults and issues that I was unaware of. My wife did not come to me ever and indicate anything was wrong with us or her. If truly isn't someone else which I believe is the case, what are some things I can do?


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## Jess1228 (Oct 28, 2013)

Gosh, I'm so sorry. That really sounds perplexing. I'm no expert but my first reaction is also that she is having an affair. 

When you say you weren't a perfect husband, what does this mean? Granted, no one is but I sense that this statement has a deeper meaning. 

Is it possible that she doesn't really want kids deep down and wanted to conceive to make you happy?

Just brainstorming here.


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## popcorn (Nov 2, 2012)

So very sorry to hear this. I think your wife is going through a depression and it's possible she doesn't understand what's wrong with her. Maybe you can bring this up? Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for the way we feel.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How do you know she miscarried? Could it have been an abortion?

Had you been trying for a child for a long time?

Can you get her cell bill to see if texts or calls a particular number often?


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## ni1ck (Oct 31, 2013)

Don't take much from the line, "I could be a better husband." I just meant I am not perfect and could always be better at being a husband. 

I thought the abortion thing right away but have the paper from the ultra sound now and it was a miscarriage. 

I did pull all the bank and phone records, etc and did find out she had been seeing a counselor without telling me. It was a man more than double her age, so I can't imagine an affair their.


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## beautiful_seclusion (Oct 22, 2013)

That sounds very frustrating for you. Depression sounds very likely honestly. Has she ever had any mental health issues? Have you noticed any disinterest develop lately in things she normally enjoys? Some people are very good at hiding it, but try to think if there were any signs. If she is suffering from depression, she may have lost all attraction and interest in sex and attribute it to not loving you, not realizing it's really a chemical problem. The crying about a pregnancy is a sign too if you don't have any reason to believe she didn't want to be pregnant originally. The fact that her friends and family are just as perplexed also makes me think depression or some sort of mental issue, rather than a slow change in feelings or an impulsive affair. She may be ashamed of how she feels and not understand what it is. The counselor thing also suggests she's been struggling and hiding things for a while. Of course I could be totally off, but it does sound like there's reason to believe it's not an affair but mental illness. 

Could you tell her about your discovery of the counselor? Be very non judgmental, let her know you only want to help her and understand if she is feeling badly. Try not to be angry at her or she is unlikely to open up. Maybe offer to see a counselor with her and see if she is receptive to that. Also could you maybe alert her mother to this possibility since she's staying with her? If this really is depression, her sudden behavior suggests it's very serious, and she could be a danger to herself. It sounds like she may be very hopeless, and in that state people can throw everything away including their safety. I don't mean to scare you, but the way you describe it really makes me think of someone who is suicidal, and it wouldn't hurt to let her mother in on the possibility so she could keep an eye on her. I hope it's not as serious as it sounds, but do think about it and see if it matches what you have observed.


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