# Adventures with Spouse



## meson

There is a bonding benefit to doing fun adventurous things with your spouse. Life gets routine. Kids arrive and the focus of activities changes. Life gets busy but less of it is spent with your spouse. For many this is a slow cooker recipe for marital discontent. I think that putting thought into finding something adventurous and challenging with your spouse can help reinforce the bond between you. It is common knowledge at least on TAM that the neural chemicals within the brain help form and reinforce bonds with others. Dopamine is one such chemical that is associated with the infatuation stage of a relationship. As the relationship matures the chemicals that are triggered in the brain are ones more associated with long term bonding like oxytocin. 

My idea is that we should use this knowledge to plan activities with our spouses that trigger some of the excitement/infatuation stage chemicals to inject newness into our relationships. Doing adventurous things will achieve this as well as things outside of your comfort zone. Obviously doing high adventure activities like skydiving, whitewater rafting and climbing will bring an instant thrill. The problem is that for many these activities are too much and too expensive. However by choosing to do something together that is outside of your comfort zone you should be able to achieve a similar release of chemicals. If you and your spouse can take an activity that is outside of your comfort zone and learn to master it together you will be possibly be forming a new hobby with all the excitement of something with high adventure. It could be something like karaoke, public speaking or open mike night. It could be a large remodeling project or anything that involves the unknown.

I want to hear from others on TAM. What you do to keep the slow cooker of relationship death at bay? Do your activities involve adventure and the unknown?


----------



## meson

I tried it with backpacking and it worked for us. Late in 2012 I realized that our marriage was becoming routine again and the one hobby that we had shared, I discontinued. She knew the reasons why which I won’t go into here and supported me on that choice. I was also recovering from a climbing injury and wanted to find something that I could do outdoors. I put some thought into what we could do together. We always have a great time on vacations exploring new places. We had seen several of the sights in our area which we had never seen before and we had done the B&B thing and enjoyed it immensely. I also wanted to introduce our boys to outdoor skills which they were not getting from their Boy Scout troop at the time. Then I remembered that my wife had gone backpacking once when she was in grad school and really enjoyed it. I had gone backpacking a couple of times more than 30 years ago and wasn’t very experienced in it either. So backpacking it was. 

I started planning for what would be needed and where we should go. I had always wanted to backpack in the Dolly Sods for multiple days but we needed to get prepared first. I searched for a route that would be short and challenging but yet was something that we had hiked before so we know most of terrain. I found a section of the Appalachian Trail that we could do with camping the first night and backpacking to our second night destination. By now it was the summer of 2013. At the same time we stumbled upon a Venture Crew that our boys were interesting in that was planning to go to the Philmont Scout ranch the following summer. They were looking for a female leader and ask my wife if should would be interested. She wanted to participate in the crew but she didn’t think she had the experience to go on the trek. We did the trip on the AT with our boys and that convinced my wife that should could backpack. We made several mistakes. We packed much too heavily and did not have all the appropriate rain gear for cooking in the rain. 

We had fun and the fun generated more planning and discussion about what we needed and what we should do. We learned all sorts of stuff in short order. We did our first multi-night trip in the Dolly Sods with our daughter. No cell service only map, compass, GPS and ourselves. We got lost a couple of times but learned how to recognize it and fix it. It rained the heaviest we had ever had while camping. But that time we were prepared to cook in the rain. 

Our trips continued into this year. We backpacked in the snow and single digit temperatures and in actuality we were as knowledgeable if not more about backpacking as the Venture crew youth and adults. The highlight of the experience was the 90+ mile trek in New Mexico last summer. The whole adventure was super bonding for us as a couple and for the family. I wholeheartedly recommend bonding through adventure.


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening
YES, we do adventures together. (jumping off cliffs with parasails, traveling to Borneo, exploring distant locations, eating exotic foods). 

Its a really good thing for a marriage.


----------



## meson

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> YES, we do adventures together. (jumping off cliffs with parasails, traveling to Borneo, exploring distant locations, eating exotic foods).
> 
> Its a really good thing for a marriage.


Parasailing looks really fun! Where I grew up there is lots of that every weekend. That's too high adventure for my wife though. We get into traveling together and want to do more foreign travel. We are also into trying the local foods. I don't think you really have an experience traveling unless you eat and do local things.


----------



## richardsharpe

Para-sailing is awesome - quite possibly the most fun thing I have ever done. You can do it dual with an instructor with no prior training (which is what we did). Learning to do it myself would be great, but I'm too old - to easy to break my legs. I'll stick to things with solid wings....

I'm not sure what places have it. I went in Chamonix.


----------



## meson

richardsharpe said:


> Para-sailing is awesome - quite possibly the most fun thing I have ever done. You can do it dual with an instructor with no prior training (which is what we did). Learning to do it myself would be great, but I'm too old - to easy to break my legs. I'll stick to things with solid wings....
> 
> I'm not sure what places have it. I went in Chamonix.


Well if you are ever on Oahu they do it there. One of my favorite places is Makapuu where it's done when the winds are right.


----------



## richardsharpe

Thanks, I'll look into that. We were thinking of a Hawaii trip in the not to distant future. There are ultra-lights on Kauai and maybe other places, but haven't done that yet. 

meson? sounds unstable. 




meson said:


> Well if you are ever on Oahu they do it there. One of my favorite places is Makapuu where it's done when the winds are right.


----------



## meson

richardsharpe said:


> meson? sounds unstable.


All bound states are characterized by a decay lifetime, even hadrons. All of our lifetimes are finite and marriages are until death do us part.


----------



## heartsbeating

meson said:


> The whole adventure was super bonding for us as a couple and for the family. I wholeheartedly recommend bonding through adventure.


I love this thread for its positivity and your experience shared. 

We don't have children but I'd like to still contribute. Our biggest adventure so far was taking off for some open-ended travel and then living overseas for a while. We count ourselves lucky that we were able to do this. We traveled light, each with a back-pack and just a rough itinerary. We booked accommodation and travel tickets as we went so that we weren't restricting ourselves if we wanted to change plans and see where the wind would take us. It was an amazing experience, some of it was a mixed bag at times but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. It can be hard to shake wanderlust. Hubs has since suggested the idea of surprising one another with travel. The idea isn't to make it about the other person either, it's simply for the excitement. It could be a local weekend away or to another country. I absolutely love this idea. One of us will plan and book the trip and then simply tell the other when it will be and what type of weather to pack for.

We've recently moved and have been embracing the different experience we're having. We now have a fairly large garden that's been somewhat neglected and is overgrown, along with a house that, while lovely, also needs some TLC. The move and this property has become our new 'adventure'. Hubs said to me the other day how sexy he finds it when I'm walking the yard with him wearing my gardening boots. These boots are the practical, unattractive clompy type from the hardware store. Say whah?! Thing is, it's not about the boots, it's the intimacy of us doing this together... pulling ivy, learning about the trees we have, working on our home-project _together_. Yes, it's absolutely bonding.

While google tells me the definition of adventure is _an unusual and exciting or daring experience_, I think adventure can be found in the everyday, and in doing things as a couple or family. It doesn't need to be traveling the world or jumping out of a plane. It can be in gardening, home projects, volunteering, trying out new hobbies, and learning. 

Although I'd also imagine this is where compatibility plays a part. As a couple, my husband and I enjoy straying off the beaten path together, trying different things, being out of our comfort zones... and when sharing in these experiences, it can indeed be bonding.


----------



## heartsbeating

We went on vacation a few months ago and I surprised hubs with a cooking class. It was in a part of the city we likely wouldn't have gone to otherwise (we would have bypassed some great architecture and history) and we learned about local dishes, their origins and how to cook them. As a small class, we ate and enjoyed our meals together at the end.

I stole this idea from a friend who used to take a local cooking class wherever she traveled. I thought it was such a great idea and hubs and I both loved it. Thought I'd share it here for those inclined... cooking adventures.


----------



## meson

heartsbeating said:


> I love this thread for its positivity and your experience shared.
> 
> We don't have children but I'd like to still contribute. Our biggest adventure so far was taking off for some open-ended travel and then living overseas for a while. We count ourselves lucky that we were able to do this. We traveled light, each with a back-pack and just a rough itinerary. We booked accommodation and travel tickets as we went so that we weren't restricting ourselves if we wanted to change plans and see where the wind would take us. It was an amazing experience, some of it was a mixed bag at times but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. It can be hard to shake wanderlust. Hubs has since suggested the idea of surprising one another with travel. The idea isn't to make it about the other person either, it's simply for the excitement. It could be a local weekend away or to another country. I absolutely love this idea. One of us will plan and book the trip and then simply tell the other when it will be and what type of weather to pack for.
> 
> We've recently moved and have been embracing the different experience we're having. We now have a fairly large garden that's been somewhat neglected and is overgrown, along with a house that, while lovely, also needs some TLC. The move and this property has become our new 'adventure'. Hubs said to me the other day how sexy he finds it when I'm walking the yard with him wearing my gardening boots. These boots are the practical, unattractive clompy type from the hardware store. Say whah?! Thing is, it's not about the boots, it's the intimacy of us doing this together... pulling ivy, learning about the trees we have, working on our home-project _together_. Yes, it's absolutely bonding.
> 
> While google tells me the definition of adventure is _an unusual and exciting or daring experience_, I think adventure can be found in the everyday, and in doing things as a couple or family. It doesn't need to be traveling the world or jumping out of a plane. It can be in gardening, home projects, volunteering, trying out new hobbies, and learning.
> 
> Although I'd also imagine this is where compatibility plays a part. As a couple, my husband and I enjoy straying off the beaten path together, trying different things, being out of our comfort zones... and when sharing in these experiences, it can indeed be bonding.


Yes, unusual and daring is a good description. Anything that causes tension and has significant reward when completed. It's less about extreme sports and more about overcoming challenges in a variety of forms. 

One of the best times we had on a trip was completely impromptu. On our honeymoon we took a cruise but a hurricane changed our plans and port. We rented a car and tried to find Arecibo the radio telescope. It wasn't on the maps we had (before GPS was public) so we had to ask locals the whole way. We were able to find it and since we knew a post doc there we were able to get an inside tour. That was a challenge and super fun. Better than any canned tour the cruise ship had. 

You also nailed the point. It is indeed about the intimacy of doing things together. This need to make decisions together and face some unknown factors creates intimacy and helps bond.


----------



## meson

heartsbeating said:


> We went on vacation a few months ago and I surprised hubs with a cooking class. It was in a part of the city we likely wouldn't have gone to otherwise (we would have bypassed some great architecture and history) and we learned about local dishes, their origins and how to cook them. As a small class, we ate and enjoyed our meals together at the end.
> 
> I stole this idea from a friend who used to take a local cooking class wherever she traveled. I thought it was such a great idea and hubs and I both loved it. Thought I'd share it here for those inclined... cooking adventures.


We are going to need to try this. We love local foods and it would be a great way to learn new recipes.


----------



## Flying_Dutchman

For the less adventurous - or those who can't remember the last time they ran - planning trips to 'sights' or just random towns can be an adventure.

Drive to them by back roads rather than a direct, major route. It always amazes me how some people have photo albums of themselves on beaches from around the world, yet have no idea of much of what lies within 50 miles of home. Free stuff you can visit for the price of a tank of fuel.

It gets you out the house and keeps the rot from setting in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thor

We used to do all kinds of stuff. Skiing (the good stuff), backpacking, rock climbing, exploring new remote areas. That was before the kids. After the first one we slowed a little bit but did still get out for all of those things.

The second baby slowed things down a lot more. No more wilderness backpacking. Skiing became a family activity with little kids. A little bit of rock climbing but it was less adventurous.

When the kids were a bit older we stepped up the intensity. Soon enough the kids were getting quite expert, and we were getting slower with age and being out of shape.

When the kids starting hitting high school age things seemed to take too much of a turn towards us parents facilitating all the activities for the kids but not actually participating in activities ourselves. There was no balance, and it was a major area of conflict in the marriage.

Now that we're empty nest I am trying to bring back some adventure. It will be less adrenaline oriented but hopefully still fun and connective.


----------



## richardsharpe

Mixing in the right amount of strangeness makes them last longer. 



meson said:


> All bound states are characterized by a decay lifetime, even hadrons. All of our lifetimes are finite and marriages are until death do us part.


----------



## meson

Thor said:


> We used to do all kinds of stuff. Skiing (the good stuff), backpacking, rock climbing, exploring new remote areas. That was before the kids. After the first one we slowed a little bit but did still get out for all of those things.
> 
> The second baby slowed things down a lot more. No more wilderness backpacking. Skiing became a family activity with little kids. A little bit of rock climbing but it was less adventurous.
> 
> When the kids were a bit older we stepped up the intensity. Soon enough the kids were getting quite expert, and we were getting slower with age and being out of shape.
> 
> When the kids starting hitting high school age things seemed to take too much of a turn towards us parents facilitating all the activities for the kids but not actually participating in activities ourselves. There was no balance, and it was a major area of conflict in the marriage.
> 
> Now that we're empty nest I am trying to bring back some adventure. It will be less adrenaline oriented but hopefully still fun and connective.


Good luck with bringing back the adventure! Starting out as you say with less adrenaline related activities should get both of you on track. Don't rule out wilderness adventure yet. We are in our 50s and enjoy it like we did 30 years ago though we are not as mobile as we were then.


----------



## ifweonly

The replies have been interesting but My wife and I never did any of the "flying through the air" adventures but we have worked very hard in keeping the marriage exciting. 

When the children were young, we went camping almost every weekend in the summer -- even when our most recent newborn was only a couple months old. After many years of grilling burgers and hot dogs over a wood fire (occasionally dropping a few into the coals below the grate) we graduated to trailers and ended up with a new Airstream. It was fun as the children had an opportunity to visit many places and learned how to act in the public environment. 

Now in our mature years, my wife and I will just take off on the spur of the moment and go --- someplace --- any place (I still work though). Yes, we bond and do a lot of "pillow talk". Yes, every day is an "Adventure with my Spouse" as we still enjoy and appreciate each other even after almost 53 years. I wish every couple could enjoy such success!


----------



## heartsbeating

Flying_Dutchman said:


> For the less adventurous - or those who can't remember the last time they ran - planning trips to 'sights' or just random towns can be an adventure.
> 
> Drive to them by back roads rather than a direct, major route. It always amazes me how some people have photo albums of themselves on beaches from around the world, yet have no idea of much of what lies within 50 miles of home. Free stuff you can visit for the price of a tank of fuel.
> 
> It gets you out the house and keeps the rot from setting in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely!

I (purposely) took a wrong turn the other week and came across a beautiful look-out point. I took a photo and sent it to hubs, 'A postcard from around the corner' ....it's great to have tourist eyes and explore your own area. We ended up going there with the dogs and hubs loved it.


----------



## meson

heartsbeating said:


> Absolutely!
> 
> I (purposely) took a wrong turn the other week and came across a beautiful look-out point. I took a photo and sent it to hubs, 'A postcard from around the corner' ....it's great to have tourist eyes and explore your own area. We ended up going there with the dogs and hubs loved it.


Good point. We are traveling for Thanksgiving but we have been letting tradition rule our stops. We always stop at the same places that we have in the past and we love it and the kids love it. 

Tradition is bonding as well but we shouldn't do a tradition just because... What is a good mix? I guess if the tradition becomes routine one should vary it up. But if its still very fun the repetition of tradition is warm fuzzy and bonding.


----------



## meson

ifweonly said:


> The replies have been interesting but My wife and I never did any of the "flying through the air" adventures but we have worked very hard in keeping the marriage exciting.
> 
> When the children were young, we went camping almost every weekend in the summer -- even when our most recent newborn was only a couple months old. After many years of grilling burgers and hot dogs over a wood fire (occasionally dropping a few into the coals below the grate) we graduated to trailers and ended up with a new Airstream. It was fun as the children had an opportunity to visit many places and learned how to act in the public environment.
> 
> Now in our mature years, my wife and I will just take off on the spur of the moment and go --- someplace --- any place (I still work though). Yes, we bond and do a lot of "pillow talk". Yes, every day is an "Adventure with my Spouse" as we still enjoy and appreciate each other even after almost 53 years. I wish every couple could enjoy such success!


Actually pulling an airstream would be out of my comfort zone. I'm a minimalist camper and go for isolation. Perhaps we should rent a RV and do the camping scene differently. That scene is a lot more social and different than what we normally do. I could get into it.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

meson said:


> *There is a bonding benefit to doing fun adventurous things with your spouse. Life gets routine. Kids arrive and the focus of activities changes. Life gets busy but less of it is spent with your spouse. For many this is a slow cooker recipe for marital discontent. I think that putting thought into finding something adventurous and challenging with your spouse can help reinforce the bond between you. It is common knowledge at least on TAM that the neural chemicals within the brain help form and reinforce bonds with others. Dopamine is one such chemical that is associated with the infatuation stage of a relationship. As the relationship matures the chemicals that are triggered in the brain are ones more associated with long term bonding like oxytocin. *


 I like the emphasis on those chemicals... keeping them revived.. on a smaller scale...just keeping our love tanks full with little kindnesses, flirting / banter...a surprise massage, offer a peppermint foot rub, candles lit around a bubble bath together....a dance in a moment....grab some pans & head in the back yard to pick some berries (pies in the oven later







).....watching movies together....and as ifweonly mentioned ...that "pillow talk" every night...

In our early yrs .. we looked for our christmas trees in the woods- they were a little Charlie Brownish.. looked something like this....







...oh the memories !!

Sled riding with the kids, building snow men...we went snow tubing once just him & I at a Ski Resort... we taped each other sliding down the hill at the same time....some cool footage there ! 












> *My idea is that we should use this knowledge to plan activities with our spouses that trigger some of the excitement/infatuation stage chemicals to inject newness into our relationships. Doing adventurous things will achieve this as well as things outside of your comfort zone. Obviously doing high adventure activities like skydiving, whitewater rafting and climbing will bring an instant thrill. The problem is that for many these activities are too much and too expensive. *


 I can't say we do anything outside of our comfort zone...I just seek NEW places to visit, to experience together.. more of a laid back nature...whether Romantic.. just for us  getting away for a night or 2...or Family oriented...we're not the high adventure / adrenaline rushed type.. the biggest rush I care to have is visiting amusement parks & running from Roller coaster to roller coaster ... he won't even go on them with me, so I need the kids for that !



> * Tradition is bonding as well but we shouldn't do a tradition just because... What is a good mix? I guess if the tradition becomes routine one should vary it up. But if its still very fun the repetition of tradition is warm fuzzy and bonding*.


Something we've done for the past 10 yrs or so..we have large Bonfire parties...I cook up a storm , order 8 or 9 pizzas.. .our teens invite the youth group, all their friends....there's music.. we set up a movie outside for when it gets dark ...this is the screen we made yrs ago.........we roll it up like a scroll when we're finished..

I so enjoy seeing teens scattered all over the yard/ laughter/ the fellowship.... volleyball over there/ basketball/ ultimate frisbee, had a hula hoop contest going on last time.....each time we have newcomers, we flurry around...talks around the fire....this fulfills me somehow, myself & H may be scattered on these nights but as it winds down, we're together with a handful of friends on our porch reminiscing old times.. and it's good..it's something we can offer to them..I so want them to have good memories of their upbringing....(but it does something for us too)... 

Another tradition..one of my Husband's...visiting a certain specialty store every year...they decorate like 100 Christmas trees..have a special display for Easter & Christmas..different every year/ beautiful... just something he wants to keep alive, he will remind me the kids will only be this young for a short time, then we visit Daffins candy shop down the road for a treat.

I guess so much of what I am putting on here is family oriented.... this was the life we wanted... .days ago we took them to an Indoor water park, we try to bring an extra friend if we can ...we still have our time alone.. we get off in the adult hot tub! 

We often plan day outings ....always a couple family vacations 2 or more nights... we do the Yogi bear Campgrounds...we like cabins in the woods, museums, nature / scenic trails, Fairs, zoos, caves, Movies/ Sight & Sound theaters, Science center in the big city..... bike riding, horse back riding / corn mazes / Haunted hay rides.... Disney every so many years....

Something so simple.. but mention a Smorgasbord... the little one will jump up & down, make squealing noises..dying to go...always a treat. 



> *It could be something like karaoke, public speaking or open mike night. It could be a large remodeling project or anything that involves the unknown*.


 we'd be more the remodeling people.. can't say it's so bonding & enjoyable when it's going on though...(still work)... but we feel satisfaction when its over / the tools are put away... it's something we did together & saved some $$ - always a plus! 



> *I want to hear from others on TAM. What you do to keep the slow cooker of relationship death at bay? Do your activities involve adventure and the unknown?*


 I've always been the one who gets the idea in my head & says.. "hey Honey, I want to go there, lets do THAT"... I research, then plan every detail working around all our schedules... truth is... if I waited on him to plan something.. we'd never leave the house... I don't mind this though... I enjoy getting on  TripAdvisor, reading reviews & planning these new adventures.. he always comes with a wonderful attitude, happy to be there... this is all I need.. 

For a time I was going Gong Ho for just US getting away/ didn't want the kids.. but we've moved back to taking the whole family with us more so .. we realize they will all be gone soon.. then it will just be me & him.. I foresee we'll start taking bus trips or something, try a Boat Cruise once in our lives. Always something new to explore out there.


----------



## thenub

5 years ago my wife and I took our two young daughters 5+7yrs old to a free Tae kwon-do class. The kids did ok but never wanted to stay in it. My wife and I really enjoyed it. I was 45yo and she was 39. We ended up staying in it up to 2nd degree brown belt. The kids gymnastics blossomed and we just don't have the time to go back to get our black belts. 
After reading some of these posts, I want to try some different things. We do have a trailer we keep at a lake within 60 miles of our house. Maybe an overnight ice fishing trip or snow shoeing?? Living near Lake Superior there is more than a lifetime of natural beauty to see and explore. Maybe an overnight trip with a tent on the mini bikes exploring the back roads around some ghost towns would be fun. 
There is always so many things to try, but never enough time to do it. 
Maybe once the kids are old enough to look after themselves for a weekend we can give it a try. Until then. We still have the trailer to visit.


----------



## meson

SimplyAmorous said:


> I like the emphasis on those chemicals... keeping them revived.. on a smaller scale...just keeping our love tanks full with little kindnesses, flirting / banter...a surprise massage, offer a peppermint foot rub, candles lit around a bubble bath together....a dance in a moment....grab some pans & head in the back yard to pick some berries (pies in the oven later
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ).....watching movies together....and as ifweonly mentioned ...that "pillow talk" every night...


The love tank view is very similar. All those things you mention are great at filling the love tank. Regularly done they will help keep you and your spouse together. Actually those kind of things can be the adventure adding spice to life. The small scale is as important as well. Change and surprises are an ingredient that can rev the love chemicals just as well. Your candle reference reminds me of an effort I made a few years ago.

One small surprise I did once for our twentieth anniversary of our first date was to light twenty candles, one for each year in our room. It was a good idea but it turned out that the light from twenty candles made the room so bright it wasn't as romantic as expected.



SimplyAmorous said:


> In our early yrs .. we looked for our christmas trees in the woods- they were a little Charlie Brownish.. looked something like this....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...oh the memories !!
> 
> Sled riding with the kids, building snow men...we went snow tubing once just him & I at a Ski Resort... we taped each other sliding down the hill at the same time....some cool footage there !


That's the point I'm trying to make. It's about you an your spouse doing something together which in someway is unknown or may be a challenge. Hunting for Christmas trees like that is one such thing. I grew up in Hawaii where the Christmas trees are shipped in. After getting maried and settling in the north east we decided to go to a farm in the country and cut our own. For many this wouldn't be an adventure but for us it was. We did it for several years but after the busyness of kids and other time constraints encroached on our time we discontinued it. We talked about doing it again but never did. Then just today we went to get our trees from the usual place but they were closed. So even though we we had a tight schedule we googled farms and found one in the next county where we could cut our own. It was impromptu and we weren't prepared for the mud and we didn't have the proper saws but we went ahead anyway. It was a super day, we found a good tree and had fun on a really warm day. It wasn't an adrenaline rush but it certainly was a bonding day.



SimplyAmorous said:


> I can't say we do anything outside of our comfort zone...I just seek NEW places to visit, to experience together.. more of a laid back nature...whether Romantic.. just for us  getting away for a night or 2...or Family oriented...we're not the high adventure / adrenaline rushed type.. the biggest rush I care to have is visiting amusement parks & running from Roller coaster to roller coaster ... he won't even go on them with me, so I need the kids for that !


Amusement parks are exactly an adrenaline fun filled time. Roller coasters, haunted houses and games of skill are all things that have a thrill and excite us. So you do do adventurous stuff with your husband and family. We go to amusement parks regularly and for us they are almost routine. So I guess the other thing is to be mindful for when things become routine and change it up. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> Something we've done for the past 10 yrs or so..we have large Bonfire parties...I cook up a storm , order 8 or 9 pizzas.. .our teens invite the youth group, all their friends....there's music.. we set up a movie outside for when it gets dark ...this is the screen we made yrs ago.........we roll it up like a scroll when we're finished..
> 
> I so enjoy seeing teens scattered all over the yard/ laughter/ the fellowship.... volleyball over there/ basketball/ ultimate frisbee, had a hula hoop contest going on last time.....each time we have newcomers, we flurry around...talks around the fire....this fulfills me somehow, myself & H may be scattered on these nights but as it winds down, *we're together with a handful of friends on our porch reminiscing old times.. and it's good..it's something we can offer to them..I so want them to have good memories of their upbringing....(but it does something for us too)*...


This is great! We experience something similar on scout trips. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> Another tradition..one of my Husband's...visiting a certain specialty store every year...they decorate like 100 Christmas trees..have a special display for Easter & Christmas..different every year/ beautiful... just something he wants to keep alive, he will remind me the kids will only be this young for a short time, then we visit Daffins candy shop down the road for a treat.
> 
> I guess so much of what I am putting on here is family oriented.... this was the life we wanted... .days ago we took them to an Indoor water park, we try to bring an extra friend if we can ...we still have our time alone.. we get off in the adult hot tub!
> 
> We often plan day outings ....always a couple family vacations 2 or more nights... we do the Yogi bear Campgrounds...we like cabins in the woods, museums, nature / scenic trails, Fairs, zoos, caves, Movies/ Sight & Sound theaters, Science center in the big city..... bike riding, horse back riding / corn mazes / Haunted hay rides.... Disney every so many years....
> 
> Something so simple.. but mention a Smorgasbord... the little one will jump up & down, make squealing noises..dying to go...always a treat.
> 
> we'd be more the remodeling people.. can't say it's so bonding & enjoyable when it's going on though...(still work)... but we feel satisfaction when its over / the tools are put away... it's something we did together & saved some $$ - always a plus!
> 
> I've always been the one who gets the idea in my head & says.. "hey Honey, I want to go there, lets do THAT"... I research, then plan every detail working around all our schedules... truth is... if I waited on him to plan something.. we'd never leave the house... I don't mind this though... I enjoy getting on  TripAdvisor, reading reviews & planning these new adventures.. he always comes with a wonderful attitude, happy to be there... this is all I need..
> 
> For a time I was going Gong Ho for just US getting away/ didn't want the kids.. but we've moved back to taking the whole family with us more so .. we realize they will all be gone soon.. then it will just be me & him.. I foresee we'll start taking bus trips or something, try a Boat Cruise once in our lives. Always something new to explore out there.


SA, I can tell from all of the traditions, campfires and family fun that you stoke your marriage enough that trying new things or adventurous things won't add much to the bliss you share with your husband and family. I think you've nailed the secret to a successful marriage naturally. For me it hasn't been as natural. I've had to work at it and I've learned as I've gone on. I'm not like Hambone for whom it isn't work. For me it is something I try hard to master. This thread is about sharing a little of what has worked for me.


----------



## Mr. Nail

There is a 10 foot block wall with concertina wire at the edge of my wife's comfort zone. The only adventure I get is probing her defenses.


----------



## Anonymous07

Flying_Dutchman said:


> For the less adventurous - or those who can't remember the last time they ran - planning trips to 'sights' or just random towns can be an adventure.
> 
> Drive to them by back roads rather than a direct, major route. It always amazes me how some people have photo albums of themselves on beaches from around the world, yet have no idea of much of what lies within 50 miles of home. Free stuff you can visit for the price of a tank of fuel.
> 
> It gets you out the house and keeps the rot from setting in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: Love that. 

My husband and I try to continue to stay active with hiking and checking out new places. We went mountain biking a few weeks ago and we loved it(my parents watched our son). We're blessed to live in an area that has a lot to offer(beach, mountains, desert all within an hour and a half drive), so we don't have to go far for many different experiences. 

A lot of times we don't have a babysitter, so we'll take a number of our adventures with our toddler. We've found a number of really cool neighborhoods to go look at Christmas lights and checked out one this past weekend. We have 2 more planned for the upcoming weekends. I put our son on my back(or my husband takes him) in the carrier and we walk around. It's been really great. We haven't found it to dampen the mood at all and we'll get into "kissing contests" with my son(if I kiss my husband, my son puts out his lips for a kiss, too).


----------



## meson

Anonymous07 said:


> :iagree: Love that.
> 
> My husband and I try to continue to stay active with hiking and checking out new places. We went mountain biking a few weeks ago and we loved it(my parents watched our son). We're blessed to live in an area that has a lot to offer(beach, mountains, desert all within an hour and a half drive), so we don't have to go far for many different experiences.


Mountain biking is a great thing to do. I did it for the first time with my son last summer and had a blast. 



Anonymous07 said:


> A lot of times we don't have a babysitter, so we'll take a number of our adventures with our toddler. We've found a number of really cool neighborhoods to go look at Christmas lights and checked out one this past weekend. We have 2 more planned for the upcoming weekends. I put our son on my back(or my husband takes him) in the carrier and we walk around. It's been really great. We haven't found it to dampen the mood at all and we'll get into "kissing contests" with my son(if I kiss my husband, my son puts out his lips for a kiss, too).



We haven't gone out to look at Christmas lights in ages. We should do that this Christmas. Thanks for the idea!


----------



## SimplyAmorous

meson said:


> We haven't gone out to look at Christmas lights in ages. We should do that this Christmas. Thanks for the idea!


If you ever take a trip with this in mind, want to spend a night or two with this attraction..... this is a place with a fine set up.. 

Oglebay Park - Wheeling - Reviews of Oglebay Park - TripAdvisor...called the...


----------



## wmn1

I've been to Oglebay Park in Wheeling. Great place.


----------



## meson

I just ran across an interesting article on Misogi. It seems to capture what my intent for this thread. Though the article concentrates on physical adversity, I think it works for non-physical adventures as well.

The One-Day-a-Year Fitness Plan: Misogi | Mental Conditioning | OutsideOnline.com



> But, Fields continues, putting yourself through a difficult, foreign experience can have neurological benefits. “*You can exploit the biochemistry of novelty*,” he says. “The molecular processes that are engaged during a novel—stressful or traumatic—experience get turned on, and everything gets stamped into long-term memory.” Everything. This is why witnesses remember trivial details. “This effect can be used to advantage in training,” says Fields. Also, he notes, the prefrontal cortex controls the body’s stress, fear, and pain responses. Willing yourself to persist through pain and adversity can strengthen control of those responses. “That,” says Fields, “is what this Japanese method is doing: expanding your limits by strengthening forebrain control.”


I guess what I am recommending is a Marriage Misogi. The key word is novelty. Doing new things that require mental or physical effort with your spouse will help form neural connections with them.


----------



## WayUpNorth

GF and I are members of an 'Outdoor Adventure Club'. It is a Meetup group. There are so many fun things to do. It's not all outdoor stuff either. There is movie night, trivia night, beach bonfire, over nighters at Refuge cabins, and more. We just had our Outdoor Club Christmas party. 
You chose the events that interest you. This past summer, a group hiked and camped the entire length of the Resurrection trail. 36 miles. Most events are far less strenuous. Sometimes a spouse or SO may attend an event that sounds fun to them even though the other can not attend, or is merely not interested in that particular event. It's a fun group, and everyone can find something to enjoy.
Our motto is, "Get Out and Play."


----------



## SimplyAmorous

wmn1 said:


> I've been to Oglebay Park in Wheeling. Great place.


after I posted that... thinking we don't really take time to drive around & look at the Christmas lights.. I called there & ended up booking a night....9 of us ...brought our teen sons Gf's with us too... all due to this thread of yours Meson ...

They had like 80 displays of lights, most were in motion...Cabela's is down the road, I think they had every animal imagine stuffed inside there.. a Whitetail room, we seen some crazy antlers on those "non-typical" deer... interesting...it was a nice getaway for the kids....I think what they enjoyed the most was the Breakfast Buffet in the am (we all love stuffing ourselves) ... ping Pong/ swimming & the hot tub though.



> *WayUpNorth said* : GF and I are members of an 'Outdoor Adventure Club'. It is a Meetup group. There are so many fun things to do. It's not all outdoor stuff either. There is movie night, trivia night, beach bonfire, over nighters at Refuge cabins, and more. We just had our Outdoor Club Christmas party.
> You chose the events that interest you. This past summer, a group hiked and camped the entire length of the Resurrection trail. 36 miles. Most events are far less strenuous. Sometimes a spouse or SO may attend an event that sounds fun to them even though the other can not attend, or is merely not interested in that particular event. It's a fun group, and everyone can find something to enjoy.
> Our motto is, "Get Out and Play."


 That sounds like a happening group ...36 [email protected]#... those are some adventurists there ! :smthumbup:


----------



## meson

SimplyAmorous said:


> after I posted that... thinking we don't really take time to drive around & look at the Christmas lights.. I called there & ended up booking a night....9 of us ...brought our teen sons Gf's with us too... all due to this thread of yours Meson ...
> 
> They had like 80 displays of lights, most were in motion...Cabela's is down the road, I think they had every animal imagine stuffed inside there.. a Whitetail room, we seen some crazy antlers on those "non-typical" deer... interesting...it was a nice getaway for the kids....I think what they enjoyed the most was the Breakfast Buffet in the am (we all love stuffing ourselves) ... ping Pong/ swimming & the hot tub though.


I'm glad I inspired an impromptu trip to Oglebay park for your family and friends. Doing that is an adventure for that many! We didn't find the time to cruise and view Christmas lights and displays this year. 

We are embarked in another adventure. Our oldest son is having his Eagle court of honor in a few days and we are getting prepared for it. We are not used to or really ready to cook for 75+ people. Lots of people have big parties but it's new to us and so it will be an adventure to host a party like that not at out house.


----------



## meson

WayUpNorth said:


> GF and I are members of an 'Outdoor Adventure Club'. It is a Meetup group. There are so many fun things to do. It's not all outdoor stuff either. There is movie night, trivia night, beach bonfire, over nighters at Refuge cabins, and more. We just had our Outdoor Club Christmas party.
> You chose the events that interest you. This past summer, a group hiked and camped the entire length of the Resurrection trail. 36 miles. Most events are far less strenuous. Sometimes a spouse or SO may attend an event that sounds fun to them even though the other can not attend, or is merely not interested in that particular event. It's a fun group, and everyone can find something to enjoy.
> Our motto is, "Get Out and Play."



Get Out and Play is a great motto! I just looked at the Ressurection trail and it looks really fun. I hadn't heard of it before until you mentioned it. It would make a great summer vacation to backpack it. 

While looking the Ressurection trail up, I remembered another thing we may want to try. Kayaking part of the inside passage. We are noobs at Kayaking so it will take a lot of work to prepare for it.


----------



## Anonymous07

WayUpNorth said:


> GF and I are members of an 'Outdoor Adventure Club'. It is a Meetup group. There are so many fun things to do. It's not all outdoor stuff either. There is movie night, trivia night, beach bonfire, over nighters at Refuge cabins, and more. We just had our Outdoor Club Christmas party.
> You chose the events that interest you. This past summer, a group hiked and camped the entire length of the Resurrection trail. 36 miles. Most events are far less strenuous. Sometimes a spouse or SO may attend an event that sounds fun to them even though the other can not attend, or is merely not interested in that particular event. It's a fun group, and everyone can find something to enjoy.
> Our motto is, "Get Out and Play."


I really like Meetup, as they have some great groups. My husband and I love hiking, but 36 miles is pretty crazy. We take our toddler along now, so our hikes are not what they used to be, but it's still a lot of fun. We're heading up to the local mountains this coming weekend to play in the snow. The other night we did a "cooking class" via Youtube to try out a new recipe. Free and a lot of fun. It came out really good, too.


----------



## Mr. Nail

meson said:


> Kayaking part of the inside passage. We are noobs at Kayaking so it will take a lot of work to prepare for it.


There for a minute I thought you were proposing the whole passage. Cold water, serious distance, and aggressive wildlife. Are there guided Trips? equipped trips? My kayak is not big enough but my Dad and my Brother have kayaks with enough capacity. The trouble is I really like the sit on top models, and with the cargo you would need for a 2 day trip I'd have to use the big tandem or drag it. 

You definitely need some training time. And some smaller adventures first. 

Any one have an idea for an adventure with a timid spouse? Needs to be more exciting than christmas lights or beach combing. Less exciting than 10 mile hikes.
MN


----------



## meson

Mr. Nail said:


> There for a minute I thought you were proposing the whole passage. Cold water, serious distance, and aggressive wildlife. Are there guided Trips? equipped trips? My kayak is not big enough but my Dad and my Brother have kayaks with enough capacity. The trouble is I really like the sit on top models, and with the cargo you would need for a 2 day trip I'd have to use the big tandem or drag it.
> 
> You definitely need some training time. And some smaller adventures first.
> 
> Any one have an idea for an adventure with a timid spouse? Needs to be more exciting than christmas lights or beach combing. Less exciting than 10 mile hikes.
> MN


Oh yes only a part of the passage! We only have a week or two of vacation available for a trip like that and doing the whole passage would take a couple of months. We need to do a lot of research on campsites towns and tides in addition to becoming competent ocean kayakers. When I traveled the inside passage in a boat I saw kayakers camping on extremely high/steep terrain. My wife wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. And whatever we do I need to be able to carry the kayak by myself so that is a bit limiting.

We found we like the big stable tandems. It has room for our gear and allows me to compensate for her strength. We were quite fine in 2ft waves in the Chesapeake with a tandem. We could go to Hawaii and practice ocean kayaking in rough water there. Crossing the Molokai channel would be a good test for that.


----------



## heartsbeating

Mr. Nail said:


> Any one have an idea for an adventure with a timid spouse? Needs to be more exciting than christmas lights or beach combing. Less exciting than 10 mile hikes.
> MN


What are you both into and how is your spouse timid?

Some 'active' activities that come to mind are archery classes, indoor rock climbing, cycling trails?


----------



## Mr. Nail

heartsbeating said:


> What are you both into and how is your spouse timid?
> 
> Some 'active' activities that come to mind are archery classes, indoor rock climbing, cycling trails?


Well I shoot rifles she prefers handguns. I kayak she gets seasick in a teacup. I'm taking up hiking, she has a 1 mile limit. She likes lighthouses and waterfalls but is afraid of heights. The last 6 years I have been doing so much camping with my son that she and I hardly do anything outdoors together. 

MN


----------



## meson

Mr. Nail said:


> Well I shoot rifles she prefers handguns. I kayak she gets seasick in a teacup. I'm taking up hiking, she has a 1 mile limit. She likes lighthouses and waterfalls but is afraid of heights. The last 6 years I have been doing so much camping with my son that she and I hardly do anything outdoors together.
> 
> MN


It doesn't need to be outdoor high adventure. Something as mundane as throwing a party could do it. Anything that puts both of you outside of your comfort zone and is a challenge may evoke similar feelings and accomplishment at the end. Something my wife an I just did was throw a party where we cooked for 100+ people. For us it was outside of our comfort zone while for many it's a simple thing they do frequently. The both of us worked together overcame obstacles and the event was a success. It caused stress and we bonded from it.


----------



## Mr. Nail

meson said:


> It doesn't need to be outdoor high adventure.


Actually with all the barriers outside I can see why you would suggest an inside adventure but, honestly i think my chances are better outside. Her #1 Rejection line is "I'm not comfortable with that" We haven't so much as read a racy novel together. Cooking a large meal is relaxing to me. And outside of family We couldn't put together 100 friends. 

I'll have to stretch my imagination more. Looks like we might achieve a waterfall this year. My bet is that she will chicken out at the half way up point.

MN


----------



## meson

Mr. Nail said:


> Actually with all the barriers outside I can see why you would suggest an inside adventure but, honestly i think my chances are better outside. Her #1 Rejection line is "I'm not comfortable with that" We haven't so much as read a racy novel together. Cooking a large meal is relaxing to me. And outside of family We couldn't put together 100 friends.
> 
> I'll have to stretch my imagination more. Looks like we might achieve a waterfall this year. My bet is that she will chicken out at the half way up point.
> 
> MN


Good luck with the waterfall!


----------



## Anonymous07

Mr. Nail said:


> Well I shoot rifles she prefers handguns. I kayak she gets seasick in a teacup. I'm taking up hiking, she has a 1 mile limit. She likes lighthouses and waterfalls but is afraid of heights. The last 6 years I have been doing so much camping with my son that she and I hardly do anything outdoors together.
> 
> MN


Short hike to a waterfall? Camping or "glamping" in a pretty location(place with bathrooms/showers/some amenities)? White water rafting on a low stage(stage 2?) river?

I love waterfalls too and my husband and I tried to do as many waterfall hikes as we could(surprisingly there are many in SoCal). It was a lot of fun and most were not difficult hikes at all. I'd find a short hike where the end location is at the bottom of the falls looking up at the beauty. I love water in general, so hikes along a stream, lake, or the ocean are really nice. 

I also love camping at the beach, where they have the bathrooms/showers(not so much a fan of squatting behind a bush anymore).


----------



## meson

We did a short hike to Swallow Falls Maryland last year. It was fun and only a mile after which we had some ice cream from a local vendor. Very nice day. 









I think they will have fun.


----------



## heartsbeating

Hubs' idea, that I loved the sound of, was for us to take it in turns to plan and book a trip, then simply tell the other when it will be and what type of weather to pack for. Could be a simple, local weekend away or something further from home. Well, I eagerly said I'd book the first one. He is hanging for a vacation. I told him I'd have it covered.

I have a destination in mind. This is a place he's been wanting to go. I'm excited about it too. What I'm finding though, is how much we'd normally share together about where we'd be going and what we'd be doing. I'm currently feeling in two minds as the excitement leading up to the trip is part of the experience shared! I'm realizing that I'll not only need to have a good (enough) understanding of the culture for both of us but I'm also considering taking a beginners language class to get us by... which feels strange when we'd normally do this together. 

Still, I'm excited at the thought of pulling it off for us and willing to give it a try and see how it feels planning it solo. He's normally the one that researches everything in detail, whereas I'm more the one to wing-it, but I think for this trip I owe it to us to be more prepared than is my usual style. It's had me wondering if I'm normally able to wing-it because in the back of my mind, I know he'll have other details covered if needed. It's an interesting mini-experiment!


----------



## heartsbeating

Mr. Nail said:


> Actually with all the barriers outside I can see why you would suggest an inside adventure but, honestly i think my chances are better outside. Her #1 Rejection line is "I'm not comfortable with that" We haven't so much as read a racy novel together. Cooking a large meal is relaxing to me. And outside of family We couldn't put together 100 friends.
> 
> I'll have to stretch my imagination more. Looks like we might achieve a waterfall this year. My bet is that she will chicken out at the half way up point.
> 
> MN


Has she always been this way? What is she comfortable with? Any chance you could enjoy something together that's within her comfort zone and then add a little sprinkle of something to different to that?


----------



## meson

heartsbeating said:


> Hubs' idea, that I loved the sound of, was for us to take it in turns to plan and book a trip, then simply tell the other when it will be and what type of weather to pack for. Could be a simple, local weekend away or something further from home. Well, I eagerly said I'd book the first one. He is hanging for a vacation. I told him I'd have it covered.
> 
> I have a destination in mind. This is a place he's been wanting to go. I'm excited about it too. What I'm finding though, is how much we'd normally share together about where we'd be going and what we'd be doing. I'm currently feeling in two minds as the excitement leading up to the trip is part of the experience shared! I'm realizing that I'll not only need to have a good (enough) understanding of the culture for both of us but I'm also considering taking a beginners language class to get us by... which feels strange when we'd normally do this together.
> 
> Still, I'm excited at the thought of pulling it off for us and willing to give it a try and see how it feels planning it solo. He's normally the one that researches everything in detail, whereas I'm more the one to wing-it, but I think for this trip I owe it to us to be more prepared than is my usual style. It's had me wondering if I'm normally able to wing-it because in the back of my mind, I know he'll have other details covered if needed. It's an interesting mini-experiment!


This is adventurous! Not knowing where you are going would be fun and scary. That is showing total trust to your spouse. Plus as you say there will be the excitement of exploring as you go. It's kind of like an extended surprise party. I found it hard to hide the arrangements. Just three months ago I was making arrangements for her present for our 25th anniversary when my wife unexpectedly stayed home and walked in on a phone conversation about the details of it. I hope your arrangements go smoothly!


----------



## heartsbeating

meson said:


> This is adventurous! Not knowing where you are going would be fun and scary. That is showing total trust to your spouse. Plus as you say there will be the excitement of exploring as you go. It's kind of like an extended surprise party. I found it hard to hide the arrangements. Just three months ago I was making arrangements for her present for our 25th anniversary when my wife unexpectedly stayed home and walked in on a phone conversation about the details of it. I hope your arrangements go smoothly!


Thanks!

I've been in two-minds about it since posting... I feel like I'm almost bursting at the seams to share it with him. And then wondering how I'll do the language class without him knowing what I'm learning. We watched an Anthony Bourdain show the other day. The destination in mind was one of the first 3 shows that came up. I gave him the option of the 3 shows and he picked that one..! Then he said that if we ever went there, he'd likely struggle with what to eat. Afterwards I looked up different local foods available and this really is where speaking the language will help. Eep! Can I really pull this off without sharing it with him? I am hanging to say something. And I'm still working out which season to go. Then do we stay in a local home (airbnb style) or hotel? It's made me realize how we'd normally excitedly discuss these details. It is so hard not to just blurt it out. I have already done an excited 'I know something you don't know' jig... he responded by asking questions for hints. I had to turn away from him and suggest he stop otherwise I'd likely just let the cat out the bag!

The one question I did ask was how much he felt was reasonable to spend on the trip (without knowing where we'd go). We were on the same page. 

What did you arrange for your 25th Anniversary?


----------



## Mr. Nail

meson said:


> I think they will have fun.


The fall is tall enough to get her adrenalin rushing if she does the whole hike.


----------



## meson

Mr. Nail said:


> The fall is tall enough to get her adrenalin rushing if she does the whole hike.


Nice! That looks super fun. Hopefully most of the path is not too exposed so that she makes it all the way.


----------



## meson

heartsbeating said:


> Thanks!
> 
> I've been in two-minds about it since posting... I feel like I'm almost bursting at the seams to share it with him.


Wow that is hard. We go over everything we want to do as well. The planning is a large part of the enjoyment. But don't worry, I'm sure he will get into it. I think it would be awesome to be surprised like that. 



heartsbeating said:


> Then he said that if we ever went there, he'd likely struggle with what to eat. Afterwards I looked up different local foods available and this really is where speaking the language will help. Eep! Can I really pull this off without sharing it with him?


That's the way to do it! I still remember a trip with my kids and parents to Japan where we were trying Kaiseki (Japanese multi course meal of delicacies) and our youngest noticed there were eyes in the noodles at which we realized they weren't noodles. It's still talked about. 

You can pull it off. Have confidence and plan as usual. 





heartsbeating said:


> What did you arrange for your 25th Anniversary?


It wasn't a large gift but it was a complement to our regular weekend breakfasts that I've discussed here before. It was a silver waffle server that I had engraved. She came into the room as I was spelling out the wording over the phone for a quote. We used it on Christmas to serve eggs Benedict at our traditional Christmas breakfast and it worked really well.


----------



## heartsbeating

meson said:


> Wow that is hard. We go over everything we want to do as well. The planning is a large part of the enjoyment. But don't worry, I'm sure he will get into it. I think it would be awesome to be surprised like that.
> 
> That's the way to do it! I still remember a trip with my kids and parents to Japan where we were trying Kaiseki (Japanese multi course meal of delicacies) and our youngest noticed there were eyes in the noodles at which we realized they weren't noodles. It's still talked about.
> 
> You can pull it off. Have confidence and plan as usual.


I love your story from Japan!  haha.... I'm excited and will try my best to keep it a surprise (and pull it off). It's hard not to blurt out 'And we can go to THIS thing..!' Anyway, I'll see how long I can last - hopefully I'll make it through until we get to the airport and then he can find out. But, we'll see... we'll see....




meson said:


> It wasn't a large gift but it was a complement to our regular weekend breakfasts that I've discussed here before. It was a silver waffle server that I had engraved. She came into the room as I was spelling out the wording over the phone for a quote. We used it on Christmas to serve eggs Benedict at our traditional Christmas breakfast and it worked really well.
> 
> View attachment 31834


What a lovely idea and a beautiful thing to cherish.


----------



## heartsbeating

Mr. Nail said:


> The fall is tall enough to get her adrenalin rushing if she does the whole hike.


Keep us posted!


----------



## Mr. Nail

June or July, it's one of many in the Columbia river gorge. My memory is that the trail is in the trees most of the way. 700 feet elevation gain over 1.3 miles one way.


----------



## Anonymous07

Mr. Nail said:


> June or July, it's one of many in the Columbia river gorge. My memory is that the trail is in the trees most of the way. 700 feet elevation gain over 1.3 miles one way.


I've always wanted to go on that hike. Oregon has many beautiful areas. I'm hoping to go to that one some day.


----------



## Fitnessfan

My hubby and I are going away tonight for a long weekend without the kids. I am beyond excited. Lots of logistics getting the kids coverage but now it's all set and I'm excited to get away with just him. We don't do enough adventures just us but we always say after we do...why don't we do this more often? Do you ever get so wrapped up in your kids that you don't take the time to just focus on your spouse? I think some of the issue for us is we like doing different things. I am very outdoorsy and like to be active and in nature. He is kind of more prone to stay inside and just relax, read the paper, hang out. In any case, he's starting to enjoy being outside more and I'm learnign to just relax more!


----------



## meson

Alli3fire said:


> My hubby and I are going away tonight for a long weekend without the kids. I am beyond excited. Lots of logistics getting the kids coverage but now it's all set and I'm excited to get away with just him. We don't do enough adventures just us but we always say after we do...why don't we do this more often? *Do you ever get so wrapped up in your kids that you don't take the time to just focus on your spouse?* I think some of the issue for us is we like doing different things. I am very outdoorsy and like to be active and in nature. He is kind of more prone to stay inside and just relax, read the paper, hang out. In any case, he's starting to enjoy being outside more and I'm learnign to just relax more!


Getting wrapped up too much with the kids was a big problem for us years ago. Making time to get away with each other as you're doing will go a long way to keep your marriage rejuvenated! 

My wife and I have a similar difference. When traveling I often like to hang out and do little while my wife takes a very active role with sight seeing. One of the things I did that satisfied both was renting a boat. I could sit relax enjoy the view and she could see the coast, houses and other things.


----------



## heartsbeating

meson said:


> Wow that is hard. We go over everything we want to do as well. The planning is a large part of the enjoyment. But don't worry, I'm sure he will get into it. I think it would be awesome to be surprised like that.


As part of the fun, he keeps randomly trying to guess where it will be. He's listing off all the different possible locations along with type of travel. Is it a house-boat? What music festivals are coming up? Is it a hiking/cycling/camping trip? Is it Comic-con? _Okay, just tell me is it local, domestic or international travel?_ 

I'd gotten side-tracked from planning until last week then pulled it together. Complete with a kick-ass-looking itinerary, might I add. When deciding on dates and season, it occurred to me seeing the Halloween costumes would be a trip! I mentioned Halloween to him and that threw him for a loop as to where we might be going. Now he's wondering if I just said that to throw him off track. 

Anyway..... flights are booked! I'm super excited. Accommodation is also booked for the first part. I decided on a local apartment to stay in. Things to see, do, and when, and other destinations are mapped out. And the annual motor show will be on while we're there. I've dedicated a day to that haha. 

As our travels are still some time away, after it's all booked, he's decided he'd like to know where we're going so that he can look forward to it with me. I think we also both know that I'll crack trying to keep it to myself for that length of time. Especially when he keeps playing the guessing game! 

I'll be sharing it all with him this weekend. Kick-ass itinerary included. I've also lined up a language class for us to take together starting next week. The time is blocked out as 'busy' in our calendars which also has him curious. meson, I absolutely agree that the planning and/or anticipation is a large part of the enjoyment. This little experiment really demonstrated that to me. While it's been fun teasing him with the unknown, endless possibilities, I can't wait to share all the excitement and lead-up of this trip with him. I can't keep all these bookmarked youtube clips to myself! Next year will be his pick!


----------



## meson

Excellent Heartsbeating!!! You've really got him excited. Taking the language class together should be an adventure itself. Letting him in on it sounds good since it will help generate excitement itself. I'm not sure I could have held out with not telling my wife. Way to go!


----------



## heartsbeating

Thanks for sharing in the excitement, meson! It was nice to read your post. 

Well, last night he booked dinner for us at a restaurant we love but haven't been to in a while. I couldn't have asked for a more purrrfect choice. I told him I was going to share our destination over dinner and asked him to choose whether he wanted to learn by sound or sight.... he opted for sight. So as we don't have a printer, I emailed the itinerary to him upon leaving. At the restaurant, we continued the guessing game a bit longer. Rightly or wrongly, admittedly I was enjoying toying with him. He revealed that he suspected New York, Chicago or Canada. 

Over a bowl of edamame, I suggested that he open his email. I think it blew his mind a little bit. He was stunned and elated. He also asked where and how the brochure/itinerary came from. He thought it had been professionally made... ha ha, amazing what a few select images and simple design can achieve.  

He loved it and took a good while absorbing all the details of the itinerary between shared dishes. And I excitedly began sharing all what I've learned so far about cultural nuisances, history, the various things to experience. We're already having fun with this. 

We were finishing the meal when, with a chuckle, it hit him _Oh, and we're at a Japanese restaurant!'_ Like I said, his choice for dinner couldn't have been better.


----------



## meson

heartsbeating said:


> Thanks for sharing in the excitement, meson! It was nice to read your post.
> 
> Well, last night he booked dinner for us at a restaurant we love but haven't been to in a while. I couldn't have asked for a more purrrfect choice. I told him I was going to share our destination over dinner and asked him to choose whether he wanted to learn by sound or sight.... he opted for sight. So as we don't have a printer, I emailed the itinerary to him upon leaving. At the restaurant, we continued the guessing game a bit longer. Rightly or wrongly, admittedly I was enjoying toying with him. He revealed that he suspected New York, Chicago or Canada.
> 
> Over a bowl of edamame, I suggested that he open his email. I think it blew his mind a little bit. He was stunned and elated. He also asked where and how the brochure/itinerary came from. He thought it had been professionally made... ha ha, amazing what a few select images and simple design can achieve.
> 
> He loved it and took a good while absorbing all the details of the itinerary between shared dishes. And I excitedly began sharing all what I've learned so far about cultural nuisances, history, the various things to experience. We're already having fun with this.
> 
> We were finishing the meal when, with a chuckle, it hit him _Oh, and we're at a Japanese restaurant!'_ Like I said, his choice for dinner couldn't have been better.


You found a way to make an adventure out of just telling him where you are going. What a fun way to learn where you're going. I like those kinds of puzzles and it sounds like he does too. Exploring the unknown is an adventure and a trip to a country where you've just learned tidbits of the language should be an adventure. Japan is a super nice place to visit. The people are so friendly and helpful you should have a great time with the exploring attitude you both share. がんばつてください！
(Good luck! Written by someone who doesn't know enough Kanji to write it correctly.)


----------



## heartsbeating

meson said:


> You found a way to make an adventure out of just telling him where you are going. What a fun way to learn where you're going. I like those kinds of puzzles and it sounds like he does too. Exploring the unknown is an adventure and a trip to a country where you've just learned tidbits of the language should be an adventure. Japan is a super nice place to visit. The people are so friendly and helpful you should have a great time with the exploring attitude you both share. がんばつてください！
> (Good luck! Written by someone who doesn't know enough Kanji to write it correctly.)


Arigatoo, meson. I can almost read that Kanji! 

We've had fun going to language class together but I didn't realize this one would be so detailed. It's more than the basics for travel. Unexpectedly, it's stirred a new 'passion' in me. I love the way my mind boggles trying to learn how to speak, read and write Japanese, so I'll be continuing down this path to learn the language fluently. Hubs is opting out, his plate is full and his interest doesn't extend beyond being able to successfully order a bowl of ramen haha. We'll pick up a basic travellers class together closer to when we go. 

Until then, I'll be diligently writing and memorizing Hiragana!


----------



## meson

heartsbeating said:


> Arigatoo, meson. I can almost read that Kanji!
> 
> We've had fun going to language class together but I didn't realize this one would be so detailed. It's more than the basics for travel. Unexpectedly, it's stirred a new 'passion' in me. I love the way my mind boggles trying to learn how to speak, read and write Japanese, so I'll be continuing down this path to learn the language fluently. Hubs is opting out, his plate is full and his interest doesn't extend beyond being able to successfully order a bowl of ramen haha. We'll pick up a basic travellers class together closer to when we go.
> 
> Until then, I'll be diligently writing and memorizing Hiragana!


That's awesome that you want to become fluent! Both my Dad and Daughter love Japanease and study it more than I do. Here is an old book that has wonderful information on Japan of the past:

We Japanese: Being descriptions of many of the customs, manners, ceremonies, festivals, arts and crafts of the Japanese, besides numerous other subjects: H. S. K Yamaguchi: Amazon.com: Books

I'm sure that you and your husband will have a blast ordering Ramen. Let me know how it turns out.


----------



## Anonymous07

My husband and I are going away for one night this weekend for the first time without our son. I'm a little nervous about it, but excited as well. I'm looking forward to having couple time, without a toddler hanging on me. My parents are watching our son and I'm hoping it all goes well.


----------



## meson

Anonymous07 said:


> My husband and I are going away for one night this weekend for the first time without our son. I'm a little nervous about it, but excited as well. I'm looking forward to having couple time, without a toddler hanging on me. My parents are watching our son and I'm hoping it all goes well.


I remember doing that many years ago. It was hard for my wife to not think about the kids the first several times we went off on a date night. Have fun!


----------



## Anubis

Surprise trips away from home seem to be really good for our souls and help refresh the chemical and mental bonds between us.

I'm typing this from a house on the pacific ocean that I rented for the weekend to celebrate our 1-year anniversary. I didn't tell my wife where we were going - She found out when we got here. It's been a quiet, idyllic, happy weekend with occasional reflections on how we got here, and what's ahead, and plenty of beach sand tracked in.

We've been doing the escape to the coast thing once or twice a year for a bit now. New locations each time make it more fun. 

I've also arranged a couple road trips (and flights) to attend concerts, and those were great. Got a couple bucket list concerts checked off and made some great memories (and one of the funniest ex-wife stories yet).


----------



## meson

Anubis said:


> Surprise trips away from home seem to be really good for our souls and help refresh the chemical and mental bonds between us.
> 
> I'm typing this from a house on the pacific ocean that I rented for the weekend to celebrate our 1-year anniversary. I didn't tell my wife where we were going - She found out when we got here. It's been a quiet, idyllic, happy weekend with occasional reflections on how we got here, and what's ahead, and plenty of beach sand tracked in.
> 
> We've been doing the escape to the coast thing once or twice a year for a bit now. New locations each time make it more fun.
> 
> I've also arranged a couple road trips (and flights) to attend concerts, and those were great. Got a couple bucket list concerts checked off and made some great memories (and one of the funniest ex-wife stories yet).


Surprise trips are awesome! I haven't done one for years. The kids schedules make it hard to pick up and leave. But a few years ago it was a holiday weekend when we didn't have any plans and I just said lets go out to an amusement park a long drive off. So we picked up and went with the kids ans stayed in a motel and went to a new amusement park and did antique shopping. It was super fun and the kids had a blast. 

That's really great that you are starting off your marriage with lots of spontaneity. Keep it up!


----------



## heartsbeating

Anubis said:


> I've also arranged a couple road trips (and flights) to attend concerts, and those were great. Got a couple bucket list concerts checked off and made some great memories (and one of the funniest ex-wife stories yet).


Congrats on your anniversary! I remember the elaborate concert surprise celebration you shared - and now you're married! Wonderful news, keep it up.


----------



## heartsbeating

Anonymous07 said:


> My husband and I are going away for one night this weekend for the first time without our son. I'm a little nervous about it, but excited as well. I'm looking forward to having couple time, without a toddler hanging on me. My parents are watching our son and I'm hoping it all goes well.


I hope you both enjoyed the weekend. How did it go?


----------



## Anubis

heartsbeating said:


> Congrats on your anniversary! I remember the elaborate concert surprise celebration you shared - and now you're married! Wonderful news, keep it up.


Why thank you! 

Yes, I do think the unexpected times away from the daily routine help keep the relationship foundation strong. It's probably also helps us that we both are non-custodial parents and fixed, so our daily lives aren't all-consumed by children. Sad in a way, but a reflection of how parenting competes with being a partner.


Since you mentioned the concert post (elaborate surprise birthday trip to see her favorite band) , I want to share a second concert road trip story:

Same band. One year later (week of new wife's birthday). Recording a live DVD in state where my ex-w lives, but not same city. Said band is also the "favorite" band of my ex-w.

Another Road trip to see them in concert, though this time not a "surprise" trip (we also visited my wife's parents in a different state). 

I don't mention this trip to my ex-w, for three reasons: 1-none of her d**m business. 2-no time to try and visit kids - we're in the state for barely 24 hours. 3-because she would try and disrupt it* (ex-w has history of this as attempted control mechanism, as well as hatred of new w).

We fly into town. Check into hotel. We do dinner, then meet & greet w/ band, etc. 

Concert starts, standing second row center stage. Camera boom is moving around above us, filming of the show.

During the middle of the concert, my phone goes off(!) It's my ex-w sending short video clips of this very concert taken moments earlier with text like "remind you of anything?" (song was about betrayal, etc) - just jabs because she knows current wife loves band, and wants to gloat that she's seeing them... Judging by the video, she's somewhere waaaay behind us near the back of the venue.

I text her back, saying things like "Oh, aren't they filming a DVD?" and lead on discussion of the event.

She sends more video clips and texts, gloating. I don't tip my hand as to the fact I am there.

Finally, near the end of the show, I give in and send back near-live video clips of my own, showing the band about 7-10 feet away, and a text expressing bafflement at why she didn't want a better vantage point for the show.

Her stunned reaction, and attempt to save face, was priceless. :rofl:


----------



## Anonymous07

heartsbeating said:


> I hope you both enjoyed the weekend. How did it go?


Not as good as I had hoped because I came down with the same bad chest cold our son had/has, but it was still really nice to get away. I had a harder time than I thought I would being away from our son, too. Overall, it was great get away though.


----------



## heartsbeating

Anubis said:


> Her stunned reaction, and attempt to save face, was priceless. :rofl:


That'd make a worthy scene in a rom-com!


----------



## heartsbeating

meson said:


> That's awesome that you want to become fluent! Both my Dad and Daughter love Japanease and study it more than I do. Here is an old book that has wonderful information on Japan of the past:
> 
> We Japanese: Being descriptions of many of the customs, manners, ceremonies, festivals, arts and crafts of the Japanese, besides numerous other subjects: H. S. K Yamaguchi: Amazon.com: Books
> 
> I'm sure that you and your husband will have a blast ordering Ramen. Let me know how it turns out.


I meant to thank you for this book recommendation! I have saved the title in my wish list. 

I've now learned hiragana ...small steps but in the right direction. The teacher sprung it on me to read and write sentences in hiragana without romaji to lean on! What a pleasant mind-twist to suddenly see sentences appear on the page and be able to write them too. Here's hoping I have the need to write 'This is my coffee. It's hot and delicious' while traveling ha ha. Coming soon is learning katakana.

Although I'm learning this solo, it's been great sharing it with hubs. He tries to pick up the main things from me, such as 'Is this seat taken?' and how to count! Somehow he makes the whole thing even more amusing.


----------



## Satya

For SO and I, our plan is to take Tango lessons eventually (his idea). Currently, we engage in a lot of cultural arts (theater, music performances, fund raisers for arts) as we both enjoy the experiences. We aren't super keen on anything extreme, but I see dirt bike riding in our future.


----------



## meson

Satya said:


> For SO and I, our plan is to take Tango lessons eventually (his idea). Currently, we engage in a lot of cultural arts (theater, music performances, fund raisers for arts) as we both enjoy the experiences. We aren't super keen on anything extreme, but I see dirt bike riding in our future.


Good deal! This is outside of my comfort zone. I'm a bit self conscious and dancing that needs skill is something I've avoided. I like to dance with my wife but its free form. Perhaps I should get over it and take ballroom dancing myself.


----------



## scatty

We like white water rafting, amusement parks/fairs, river tubing, competitive board games, pretending we are on a first date, role play, sex toys, exercising together, getting lost in a new town, trying new foods, and probably more that I forgot.


----------



## meson

scatty said:


> We like white water rafting, amusement parks/fairs, river tubing, competitive board games, pretending we are on a first date, role play, sex toys, exercising together, getting lost in a new town, trying new foods, and probably more that I forgot.


White water rafting is something Mrs meson just won't do. You're fortunate to be able to go. 

You certainly do a lot of adventurous things. That's the way to so it!


----------



## Affaircare

You know, my Dear Hubby is really sick with heart failure. He is breathing heavy after walking 8 steps, gasping if he walks all the way to the kitchen. But DARNED if we're going to let that end our "adventuring" together. 

Okay we won't be going whitewater rafting any time soon, BUT we play games together and one of our adventures is to find a remote place in the game that we have never been to--and we've been playing these games for YEARS! 

Another adventure we do is that we read science fiction to each other, so we read of far off places, of new characters, of different writers and their styles.... and even if we are sitting at home, our minds are off in some land, saving the galaxy or something!

Another thing we do to adventure is try new things together at home, such as cooking new recipes, trying a new craft, or learning something together. So far we have tried extremely exotic and difficult recipes from weird places (here on earth--heehee), and Dear Hubby is practically a gourmet chef! We have painted together (he likes landscapes in acrylic, I like nudes); we have tried cross stitch together; and we have learned CSS together. We are planning on taking a course in Herbalism in the fall. 

So NEVER stop adventuring in some way or another. It keeps your mind alive and keeps YOU interesting!


----------



## Mr. Nail

The time is almost here. I've been trying to put together an itenerary So I can make reservations. I should have hired a travel agent.
MN


----------



## meson

Mr. Nail said:


> The time is almost here. I've been trying to put together an itenerary So I can make reservations. I should have hired a travel agent.
> MN


Getting everything together is always tedious. But I also find it fun to plan. Doing the waterfall with your wife I presume?


----------



## Mr. Nail

The waterfall, 5 lighthouses, 2 beaches, and a rock beach, plus one wildlife preserve. Hope we make it home. I suspect there will be trimming. And going to boil some crabs. 
MN


----------



## meson

Mr. Nail said:


> The waterfall, 5 lighthouses, 2 beaches, and a rock beach, plus one wildlife preserve. Hope we make it home. I suspect there will be trimming. And going to boil some crabs.
> MN


Awesome! That sounds like an adventure. I must disagree on the crabs. Being a Maryland resident now I must insist on steaming crabs. ;-)


----------



## Mr. Nail

What do I know for crabs? the only one I ever cooked got thrown in a fire on the beach. It was good.


----------



## Mr. Nail

Well, the waterfall was a bust. When we saw the crowds we should have just kept driving. 
Cape Disappointment was Great. We walked to both light houses, even bought some suvos.
Driving the coast highway was another mistake. I had more fun when the gps got us lost.
We managed one beach. loved it. very Clean.
I enjoyed our return trip through the desert mountains. My Home turf.
We met nice people, spent a lot of time together. Bonded pretty well. 
We think a slower pace next time.


----------



## meson

Mr. Nail said:


> Well, the waterfall was a bust. When we saw the crowds we should have just kept driving.
> Cape Disappointment was Great. We walked to both light houses, even bought some suvos.
> Driving the coast highway was another mistake. I had more fun when the gps got us lost.
> We managed one beach. loved it. very Clean.
> I enjoyed our return trip through the desert mountains. My Home turf.
> We met nice people, spent a lot of time together. Bonded pretty well.
> We think a slower pace next time.


Too bad the crowds detracted from the waterfall. But at least you had a great time with the cape and the desert sojourn. Adventures don't always go as planned which is what makes them adventures. 

Our own adventure contained a retreat and replan but it worked out well in the end even though for much of it my wife was a bit too gripped to enjoy parts of it. 

The point is we we out and did things with our spouses that challenged us. Good deal Mr. Nail!


----------



## heartsbeating

Recently I'd looked ahead in the calendar and saw hubs had written 'road trip' ...it was a semi-surprise, camping style weekend away that he'd booked and planned for us. He then told me where we going and we looked forward to it together. Packed up sandwiches, snacks, thermos of tea, an overnight bag, included the dogs and hit the road. It was very relaxing. A simple trip that felt longer than a weekend away (in a good way!). It was great to get away, no electricity, no distractions.


----------

