# My husband had an affair with someone he went to highschool with



## robbie99 (Oct 25, 2011)

My husband struck up a conversation with someone he went to high school with hoping to fix her up with his recently divorced friend. Long story short, she wanted my husband, not the friend. They saw each other about 20 times over the course of a year. She lives about 3 hours from us. I grew suspicous over the year as he took out extra money from our account for hotel rooms, etc. He also had been more secretive and locking his phone claiming that he was keeping the kids out (they were changing his settings). One morning, I got on his phone and read his email. He didn't know enough to empty the trash and there was 2 weeks worth of email from her. That is how I found out. I confronted him and he ended the affair (in email). Her birthday was about a month later and she tried contacting him (hurt that he had not acknowledged her birthday). She then contacted me by sending me notes. My husband and I are working things out. He has blocked her from all his accounts. He was relieved that I found out. He said he regretted it from the beginning. He gave me what I consider full disclosure. She had an ugly childhood which included a drunk mother, a stint in foster care, and marriage at 16 ... baby at 17. She is divorced twice. He second husband cheated on her. He said seeing her was like seeing a prostitute but cheaper (just the cost of a hotel room and a cheap gift). He said it was a trap. She offered no-strings fun and games, then pushed for more. She drove long distances on her days off so he could get it done over his lunch hour at little or no inconvenience to him. He said she was volatile and jealous of me. Their primary source of communcation was email (mostly from her with little response from him, which frustrated her). We did have occasion to go to her home town a few times. He did treat her like a prostitute, only giving her 30-45 minutes of his "time". He did give her a weapon, but he said it was a pos he found in someone's garage. After he dumped her, she said she would "wait" for him. He laughed about that and the tattoo she got just before he dumped her of his name on her hip. She also changed her appearence and lost a bunch of weight for him. I have forgiven her. My question is, should I let her know? She sounds like she has a low self-esteem. Hopefully she won't gain all the weight she lost back. Hopefully next time, she will demand better treatment than being treated like a "prostitute".


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No. Don't talk to her at all. Put her squarely in the past.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Let her know what? That she has chosen a crsppy life and thinks its normal to do what she does? She won't either welcome your words or advice. She has chosen through her actions to be the tramp she is today. She's burning though men,mas no problem home wrecking. She's a real piece of work. Hopefully the father has custody of her kid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You shouldn't contact her. If your husband hasn't already, he should send her a no-contact email telling her that he is recommitting to your marriage, he's sorry for his part in the immoral affair, and asking her not to contact him, or you, ever again.

After that, ignore all communication from her.


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## SIP (Jul 27, 2011)

Um I grew up in Foster Care as the result of abuse and I do NOT go around sleeping with married men or cheating. That's all excuses! She can use her 'horrible' past to condone her behavior if she chooses, however the fact is she is just selfish. You don't owe anything to a woman who got in the middle of your marriage. If she has low self esteem sleeping with your husband wasn't going to fix that. Don't make excuses for her, sounds like she has made enough for herself. Concentrate on healing and don't contact the OW. She in the grand scheme of things is insignificant. Don't mean to sound cold but you have no idea how may people I grew up with in group homes that use that lame excuse as to why they have made a mess out of their life and others.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

just continue to ignore her, the only worry I have is that she may be the "bunny boiler" type and become a stalker (based on your description and her actions). Just keep an eye out and perhaps look into your states stalker laws just in case you have to do something like a restraining order


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Did you and your husband get tested for STDs?


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## robbie99 (Oct 25, 2011)

I did get tested for STDs after it ended. Thanks for asking.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

robbie99 said:


> I have forgiven her. My question is, should I let her know? She sounds like she has a low self-esteem. Hopefully she won't gain all the weight she lost back. Hopefully next time, she will demand better treatment than being treated like a "prostitute".


This sounds much like my husband's and my situation.

This woman manipulated your husband, took something which was not hers (from you,) tried to break up your marriage and then sucked you into her emotional vortex. 

It's one thing to forgive, it's another to enter her space and stir up emotions.

Self-esteem comes from within, otherwise it would be called others'-esteem. This woman has issues and only she is the one who can orchestrate her way out of it.


Best,

Lyn


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