# What are the signs that a wife is no longer in love?



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I am separated from my H and am very confused. We are in MC but I don't know if I am still in love, I think not. Not sure if I love him, he has hurt me so much that I think whatever I feel for him is buried deep. Can it be resuscitated? 

What are the signs if you are no longer in love?
I'm scared to go back into the marriage, I can't let go of all the hurt. Moving on will not help as the pain will come with me.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...re-you-falling-out-love-quiz-10-warning-signs


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## Bremik (Feb 6, 2009)

Are you scared because he isn't acting like he wants to improve?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I would say it is not wanting to be around him, feeling better the longer you are away from him.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

bremik said:


> Are you scared because he isn't acting like he wants to improve?


Yes, he is going all out it seems, but I don't really trust him atm


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## Bremik (Feb 6, 2009)

How long has he been going all out? You not trusting him is a sign it hasn't been consistent or he is still doing things that don't add up?


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## 2ndchanceGuy (Sep 28, 2015)

I would say one of the most obvious signs is NOT missing the person , after you have been apart for several months and the REST of your life is going good . 
Also IMO its important to recognize lust VS love.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Being around them is depressing and irritating. I can actually feel my blood pressure rising.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

When I fell out of love, I just felt more or less completely indifferent to him. I lost the emotional connection and he felt like an acquaintance to me rather than the man that I'd loved deeply for 4 years.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'm thinking one of the best signs is:
She has kids and is married for 10 years or more, she has a nice home and good job and is pretty comfortable and has lots of free time to read "romance" novels and think about how her husband isn't making her happy. Then she starts thinking about the fact that she could divorce, get half the family assets at minimum, be without the responsibility of kids or a husband at least 2 weekends a month, and has the attention of at least several eligible men over the past couple of years that she believes she is definitely sexually compatible with. 
Those are about the best signs I have seen.
Just sayin'

Not that this has any bearing here, but the signs were asked about........


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> I'm thinking one of the best signs is:
> She has kids and is married for 10 years or more, she has a nice home and good job and is pretty comfortable and has lots of free time to read "romance" novels and think about how her husband isn't making her happy. Then she starts thinking about the fact that she could divorce, get half the family assets at minimum, be without the responsibility of kids or a husband at least 2 weekends a month, and has the attention of at least several eligible men over the past couple of years that she believes she is definitely sexually compatible with.
> Those are about the best signs I have seen.
> Just sayin'
> ...


It's sad that this is the go to thought. 

I think many decent looking women with their own money and career will find this attractive. I'm not sure they can be blamed for more than not being able to see into the future and not having the guts to try.

I think aine has tried. 

I also think many of these women I wrote about above do find another mate before they leave. My own psychologist said this to me. Although, I had to call her on it because she said "all" women do it and that's impossible. 

It is the nature of the beast(modern life of a woman) today. 

Like I wrote above, I think aine has taken this very seriously and has done all she knows to do. I don't think she is actively seeking out another man, either. 

I do feel bad for you aine. I hope it somehow works out for both you and your husband. I think his attempts at pleasing you are his last ditch efforts to please you and get you to see he loves you.

I know he has lots of work to do. I think it's natural for you to have little trust in him. He has to be consistent over time. I don't know if you want to give him that time. It's really up to you. 

You may have to guide him some in finding the right ways you need him to change, though he can only modify who he is. Only in time will you know if that's enough for you. 

Good luck, aine.

Edit: The one thing that is very tough to find today is men who can give themselves to a woman and open up that love and trust which they once had. I've heard women talk about this. They seem frustrated because they can't find men who are willing to give that much of themselves. They find themselves more alone than they'd like, but living and interacting with a man. This is terribly sad and I'm sure it doesn't happen in all new relationships. I think it happens in too many, though. ee.


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## WhereBluebirdsFly (May 2, 2016)

Not wanting to sleep in same bed, spend off time together, talk on the phone during the day, even sit and casually chat, hold hands, kiss ( romantic gestures) picking at and constantly finding fault is another, if you cannot see anything good about your partner and there is always an issue or something wrong with what they say or do that is a red flag something not great is going on.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

For me it is when there is no passion, either a positive or negative passion.

Sometimes I just want to stab my partner (in a very loving way of course), I see it as a positive because it is emotion and energy spent that eventually helps me work things out. Not saying this is a good or a bad thing, I think I am quite abnormal but that's life.

When there is no passion or desire to expend any sort of energy on any sort of emotion then the marriage is dead.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Usually if you question of you are in love, you likely are not. However, I feel like there is probably some guilt on your side. He obviously hurt you, but he wants to reconcile and he misses you and now you feel the pressure. But you don't feel the love. It's tough to feel love to someone who professed to love you and did the worst thing possible to you. 

Anyway, if you need to determine if it's loneliness or love, think about yourself with someone else. Think about you already being committed to that person, not the anxiety of dating. Would you be happier to this non-existent person than your husband? If so, then it may just be loneliness that makes you think you are still in love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Holland said:


> For me it is when there is no passion, either a positive or negative passion.
> 
> Sometimes I just want to stab my partner (in a very loving way of course), I see it as a positive because it is emotion and energy spent that eventually helps me work things out. Not saying this is a good or a bad thing, I think I am quite abnormal but that's life.
> 
> When there is no passion or desire to expend any sort of energy on any sort of emotion then the marriage is dead.



I totally agree with this. Passion is absolutely a key indicator of one's feelings. When my wife and I do have the occasional "blowout" fight, it's usually very intense because we both still really care.

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

If you simply don't have any passionate inclinations one way or the other for someone, then that's really bad.

Having said that, whether you love someone or not is definitely in your control. Love is not only an emotion, it's a choice you make. So if you choose to love someone, you actually can. It's different from attraction, which you can't really control.

So if you're not sure of your feelings for a spouse, it can actually be remedied as long as you have attraction for them. Oh, I understand that if you have pent up resentment or anger for someone that it can actually make them less attractive to you but you can also remedy that if you can bring yourself to forgive them.

I don't know Aine's history or her story with her husband but if she wants to stay married or wants to fall in love with her spouse again, it is possible.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

aine said:


> I am separated from my H and am very confused. We are in MC but I don't know if I am still in love, I think not. Not sure if I love him, he has hurt me so much that I think whatever I feel for him is buried deep. Can it be resuscitated?
> 
> What are the signs if you are no longer in love?
> I'm scared to go back into the marriage, I can't let go of all the hurt. Moving on will not help as the pain will come with me.


*"Distance" is the preeminent characteristic in a marriage that is heading "south!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If there is passion, Deep feelings, Jealousy.. you are still in love, hanging on it....may be a "firestorm" at times.. but there is something to work with... 

However if you've entered into a consistent state of Apathy, indifference, a numbness.. perfectly content NOT seeing him, would be perfectly fine if he moved on and found another woman, you'd wish them well even ...then you know your heart has moved on.. it's dead.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> If there is passion, Deep feelings, Jealousy.. you are still in love, hanging on it....may be a "firestorm" at times.. but there is something to work with...
> 
> However if you've entered into a consistent state of Apathy, indifference, a numbness.. perfectly content NOT seeing him, would be perfectly fine if he moved on and found another woman, you'd wish them well even ...then you know your heart has moved on.. it's dead.



There is no passion. I couldn't bear the though of him with another woman but I also cannot face the idea of intimacy with him either, I'm too emotionally raw. We have not reached the stage of indifference, though sometimes I think it would be less painful to not see him, so I guess feelings are still there.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

aine said:


> There is no passion. I couldn't bear the though of him with another woman but I also cannot face the idea of intimacy with him either, I'm too emotionally raw. We have not reached the stage of indifference, though sometimes I think it would be less painful to not see him, so I guess feelings are still there.


I don't know the whole of your story.. sounds he hurt you A LOT .. likely so much resentment -why you can't be intimate with him.. you don't feel safe.. cherished.. too much has happened.. but still.. his moving on would CRUSH YOU.. there are still "feelings", too many memories there for him, some good!...you can't just wipe it all away ..

I've never experienced this personally.. but have seen the devastation of a son's breakup.. I know he still carries feelings for her because he is ANGRY... it's not indifference... I wish It was -for his sake, as it seems SHE has moved on "just fine" with his friend...


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I know I am still in love when:

My wife is low on gasoline, it's late at night, she has to drive early in the morning and I can't stop myself from filling up her tank that night.

She had a colonoscopy that took a long time and I started to panic about the thought of life without her.

I feel proud depositing money into her account, even when it's a BIG number.

I watch porn and start fantasizing about my wife instead.

I take a long deep breath of her scent.

After telling her 1,000,000 times not to put a glass of water on the bare wooded night stand, as I see her do it yet again, I just smile.


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## LadybugMomma (Apr 28, 2016)

aine said:


> I am separated from my H and am very confused. We are in MC but I don't know if I am still in love, I think not. Not sure if I love him, he has hurt me so much that I think whatever I feel for him is buried deep. Can it be resuscitated?
> 
> What are the signs if you are no longer in love?
> I'm scared to go back into the marriage, I can't let go of all the hurt. Moving on will not help as the pain will come with me.


I was with my ex from the time I was 15 until 40. I knew that after I tried everything I could to be happy in the marriage and nothing worked, it was time to let it go. I wasn't happy, and he was doing nothing to contribute to the marriage in a positive way, nor tried to do anything to help me feel happy. Mainly, all I needed was for him to be an active part of our family, quit smoking pot, and work. I don't think that was too much to ask. 

Once I put every other thought of guilt, sadness, worry of what others would think, feeling like I was being selfish, aside and thought of myself and my own happiness, I knew what I had to do.

I have zero regret for my decision.


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## Zanne (Dec 7, 2012)

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