# Sister in Law Troubles



## Mum2Three (May 17, 2012)

Hello. My partner and I have been together for 12 years and engaged for 1 year. We have had many rough patches in the past and are over the majority of them now. He had addiction issues and ended up in rehab for almost 2 years and is now my 'perfect' man. I supported him through rehab. We are now living together with our 3 children and get on so wonderfully, with one hitch. His sister. She and I used to get on extremely well and would talk every day during the rough times in my partner and I's relationship. She would tell me she was here to support me and I had to leave him before something bad happened. When I finally did leave him, I rang her to talk about how confused and scared I was. She said to me "Don't start that s..t with me" and hung up. She said that now I had left, she was there to support her brother. The funny thing is, she didn't even visit him in the rehab facility and didn't support him at all! Since then, she has basically ignored me. If she rings and I answer, she say "can't talk, is my brother there", ignores me at family functions, makes plans with my partner and kids without any consultation through me, etc. He has become very close with her lately. They talk almost every day, constantly text each other and he thinks she's the bees knees. The last straw was when she and her man came to visit my partner and the kids. They picked my family up at the gate, spent the day with them, dropped them off at the gate and went home. I was insulted that she came to my house and didn't acknowledge me. So I rang and asked why she treats me the way she does. She said she had no idea what I was talking about. Then she spoke to my partner about it, and he said she is saying that she will not speak to me over the phone and she will only speak to me in person, with my partner (she lives 2 hours away). I do not like that idea because my partner always takes her side and if he is in the middle, I imagine I will end up feeling even less supported by him than I already do. Now she and my partner are organising to take my youngest son on a hunting trip and I have no details. My partner told me to ask her the details as he forgets so I sent her a text asking how she was and could she please send me the details of the hunting trip. She immediately rang my partner and told him that I had sent her a text that didn't make any sense. I don't know what else she said but my partner was angry with me and told me that if I want details about the hunting trip then I had to ring her. But when I speak to her, everything turns badly for me. Why doesn't he tell her to ring me? I am the mother of the boy she wants to take hunting for the first time. I feel so unsupported by the man I waited for and supported for so many years. I can't eat, can't sleep and he just carries on with his sister who I feel is more like his wife and I am the third wheel. What can I do?


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## specwar (Apr 14, 2011)

There is an old saying that goes (we wouldn't worry so much about what others thought about us if we knew how seldom they did)

Live by example, be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. What his sister does or doesn't think about you is not relevant. Your relationship with your significant other is another thing. Treat him with respect and don't spend time focusing on the negative that she puts out. Your significant other will never treat you better than he does right now. Let him know what you see as behavior twards you that you do not appreciate and see what happens. If he respects you he will work on it. Just remember that in order to get respect you must give it. 

The person you were or used to be is not as important as how you live your life today. If you offended somebody then apologize for offending them and let them know that the person who did that is gone and that you are moving forward with you new life free of dependency and you would appreciate support (not in a snarky way)

At the end of the day though it could be that you are not compatable. People change over time through life expeiences and just because you have spend a significant amount of time with somebody does not mean that you must continue to do so. It is a tough call but what helps with this decision is to decide what your goals for your own personal life and see how compatable they are with the goals of your significant other.

Above all communication, communication, communication


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