# Just got the court date...



## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Got the date for the final signature/audience... December 15th. Not jumping, not sad, but very calm. I have time to prepare myself mentally and spiritually to get there with the best in me (and no extra pounds for sure lol).

Will keep you posted. Thank you so much for all your advices, warm words and messages.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

Pop a cork January 1 to celebrate a new year/new life


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

As it has happened to some in the forum it will be one day before the decision to separate was made 2 years ago, so who would say on that day 2 years later I would wake up divorced...

Slept well, woke up feeling a little weird but ok. Yesterday morning I had my appointment with a new therapist since the one I was going to was treating both separately, but both... felt good. Little changes make a big difference at the end.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Mixture of feelings lately... on one hand I am happy this is going to officially end and the "plan" to get to the court that day looking great is not of my interest at all now since I dont want to show anything to him, try to give a wrong message, will pick up the day before what to wear but nothing fancy and doing my hair at home, etc... Get there and praying it lasts 5 minutes.

On the other hand, sadness, for silly things sometimes like the accountant in the office answering to me yesterday in a rude mode (SXTBH has managed this almost public, gave the D papers to the secretary and she was the one who put them in a closed envelope and wrote "private" and my name and sent them with the messenger, of course she knew what was on it and you know how things at the offices are... etc). So guess I have no more the respect I used to have with the people I hired back the years and I am also getting my accounting papers and my daughters to manage from January on which scares me but will manage for sure; it's only that I feel vulnerable some days... or perhaps is my status and the waves are more going down than up.

I am going today to a meeting for leadership trainee, it is free, is the introduction, I want to know how much the program is into the actual political party since on their web I see most pics are with people from the government... will see, but will looking for me something to get busy.

My cousin is a partner in a spa and gave me a nice gift package and have been enjoying it for 3 hours twice a week, feels good. Finishing in November.

I am going to study psychology next year, that's a fact, will be graduating when I am 48, but is ok, will put all my effort... doing things backwards lol... lived and experienced first for a loooot of years and now learning about human behaviour. 

Regarding job, have been sending lots of CV to several places I would like to work, but also have my own business with canned food I make at home which I left for several months and have been asked to keep on going, but since it is working from home for at least a year I had not been interested since it would keep me here. Feeling of taking it back is tempting me again.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Also going to IC with a different therapist, is great, cause he is also a proffesor and teaches me with his presentations about feelings, love, etc...


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

I know each person is different, but I guess my great fear now is if I will have another tough grief as I feel I already went through 2 (separation/divorce petition)... I dont want to be back to that, I dont. Dr. prescribed antidepressants since May last year when I found out about his visits to p...tutes. I left the medication when I was in India, but now I am taking half of the dose and am trying hard to keep on that way, planning to lower it to 1/4 the dose after the D is signed. Have enough meds for until January; haven't visit psichiatrist in more than 4 months because I have prescription for a long time; just the therapist who doesnt prescribe. 

Am I forcing myself too much? My thinking is that I need to feel the process to be able to cope with it as much as I can. 

Thank you for reading me.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

My heart is in huge pain... my son came home from work and told me today is his cousin graduation party and he didn't want to go because the times he has lately meet his father he has been not very kind and he can feel a tough vibe from him. It made me SO sad as the lasts persons I want to be suffering during this process are my kids. He is almost 25...

I can't deny I felt sad about not being part of this event as I was part of "STBXH family" but know it is a logic decision not to invite both of us. 

Talked to my son and suggested to call his cousin or aunt/uncle and explain that he is sorry not to go because that was a paid ticket and he agreed. He tried but maybe they were occupied; so called his other uncle and explained. On top of it he couldn't find the invitation but finally he decided to go and his uncle will see how to get him in. 

I am going to a church weekend activity early in the morning. Coming back on Sunday evening. Praying for this situation to be over and for all of us to overcome the bitter situation.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Last weekend was SO special... cried a lot, had a headache for it that I hadnt have in a long time, I needed that. Feel so much better. It is what it is and the end is coming. Already have volunteered for 2 days in the week, my Saturday's group, university will start in January (looking forward to it), see friends and a cousin no less than twice a week, made new friends going though similar situations, going to the movies tomorrow, have been sleeping sooo good, even though dreaming about situations with STBXH but waking up these last 3 days with a different attitude than before when I dreamed about him. 

My purpose for this weekend was to lower my meds to 1/4 and have made it since Saturday; feeling this way... I can do it.

Life is beautiful.


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