# I feel lost



## ForeverConfused06 (5 mo ago)

I’m not sure if I should put this in this form or the other form of “considering divorce/separation.”

I am not the perfect wife. I’ve been a stay at home mom to 2 small kids with health problems for 7 years. I’ve had no help because family was 15 hours away. I’ve never been able to get out of PPD/depression in general and say things out of anger.

My husband of almost 10 years also has anger issues, depression and anxiety. He refuses to get help. He will post and post sad videos on Facebook, and I will ask him if he wants to talk about it, he will say no. Constantly be depressed, refusing to go talk to someone or be put on the correct medication.

Last month(7/22) I found out he was talking to a co-worker, they were sexting. They were only talking for 2 weeks!! And he says he is CRAZY about her. They had kissed at work, and also met up at Sam’s Club and also kissed. She is also married for 10 years and has 2 kids, 2 step kids. On (7/24) he told me that we could work on our marriage and he would stop talking to her but he isn’t in love with me.

the husband contacted me on Facebook and said they wanted it to end between my husband and his wife and work things out with themselves, I said the same.

He took vacation from work and was off work for almost 3 weeks and we had a great 3 weeks, he told me I was the one he wanted to be with we had lots of sex and great talks.

On 8/12 he went back to work and started being weird. 8/14 he came home after not talking to me and told me he wanted a divorce and I felt like he gaslighted me for almost 3 weeks. He wants me and our kids to move back home (15 hours away) while he stays in this state.

8/15 I saw an attorney and found out I needed $3,300 for a retainer fee and that I could get help with child support/alimony some other things.

8/16 last night he was drinking, we went outside and talked. He said he wanted things to work out between us and not throw away everything we’ve built for 11 years. He kept calling me baby and sweetheart. But told me he is CRAZY about that girl that he talked to for 2 weeks and if she called right now he would drop everything to go and help her. And he misses talking to her.

me getting the impression that we were going to work things out… I asked him this morning to put his wedding ring back on and he said “why? Things haven’t changed. I still want a divorce.” I said “okay so everything you said last night was a lie?” He said “I’m sorry you took things to heart what I said when I was drunk.”

I am obviously really hurt by all of this. I see a counselor on Friday by myself. Why is he doing this? He will lose his kids because I know he will never come and see them.
This feeling is consuming me. I am so heartbroken.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

ForeverConfused06 said:


> I’m not sure if I should put this in this form or the other form of “considering divorce/separation.” I am not the perfect wife. I’ve been a stay at home mom to 2 small kids with health problems for 7 years. I’ve had no help because family was 15 hours away. I’ve never been able to get out of PPD/depression in general and say things out of anger. My husband of almost 10 years also has anger issues, depression and anxiety. He refuses to get help. He will post and post sad videos on Facebook, and I will ask him if he wants to talk about it, he will say no. Constantly be depressed, refusing to go talk to someone or be put on the correct medication. Last month(7/22) I found out he was talking to a co-worker, they were sexting. They were only talking for 2 weeks!! And he says he is CRAZY about her. They had kissed at work, and also met up at Sam’s Club and also kissed. She is also married for 10 years and has 2 kids, 2 step kids. On (7/24) he told me that we could work on our marriage and he would stop talking to her but he isn’t in love with me. the husband contacted me on Facebook and said they wanted it to end between my husband and his wife and work things out with themselves, I said the same. He took vacation from work and was off work for almost 3 weeks and we had a great 3 weeks, he told me I was the one he wanted to be with we had lots of sex and great talks. On 8/12 he went back to work and started being weird. 8/14 he came home after not talking to me and told me he wanted a divorce and I felt like he gaslighted me for almost 3 weeks. He wants me and our kids to move back home (15 hours away) while he stays in this state. 8/15 I saw an attorney and found out I needed $3,300 for a retainer fee and that I could get help with child support/alimony some other things. 8/16 last night he was drinking, we went outside and talked. He said he wanted things to work out between us and not throw away everything we’ve built for 11 years. He kept calling me baby and sweetheart. But told me he is CRAZY about that girl that he talked to for 2 weeks and if she called right now he would drop everything to go and help her. And he misses talking to her. me getting the impression that we were going to work things out… I asked him this morning to put his wedding ring back on and he said “why? Things haven’t changed. I still want a divorce.” I said “okay so everything you said last night was a lie?” He said “I’m sorry you took things to heart what I said when I was drunk.” I am obviously really hurt by all of this. I see a counselor on Friday by myself. Why is he doing this? He will lose his kids because I know he will never come and see them. This feeling is consuming me. I am so heartbroken.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

I’m sorry you find yourself here and I hate to pile on, but I can’t get over your statement that your husband wouldn’t bother seeing your kids. How on EARTH can you want a man who doesn’t love and cherish his own children? This is obviously something you know about him. That just makes him a terrible human, independent of his being so cruel to you. I think he’s right. You should go home to your family. Maybe your kids will be able to observe some healthy relationships, because they’re clearly not getting the full benefit of having a living, devoted father despite him living in the home. They will have lifelong repercussions from that. Please consider what this man actually contributes to your family besides a paycheck? I e spent years comforting children and teenagers (I’m a teacher) who have wondered why their parent didn’t love them or choose them or want to be with them. Please put your kids first now.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Wow, he has no shame at all.  I’d move back home with your family and try to hire an attorney. Your husband has zero respect for you and wants to be single, while you’re at home taking care of everything else. It will hurt like all break ups do, but you will heal and be better off without this toxic man in your life. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this but if you start taking some small steps away from this, you’ll feel less lost and more sure of where your future is heading.

I suppose him admitting that he’s “crazy” about this coworker, is a silver lining in that you don’t have to wonder where you stand. You deserve better and so do your children.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

You’re being played. Period. Give him one ultimatum to cut off all contact with the other woman or tell him you will file for divorce. And then do it. 

I’m not sure where you live, but there are lawyers that don’t require money upfront. Ask around.

And stop having sex with him. Otherwise you may catch an STD.


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