# Going through a 90 day trial separation



## missingmyhubby

I've been married for three years. I completely disrespected my husband and he ended up sleeping with a one night stand. He said he was sorry but a year later i was still hurt by it. I asked him to go to marital counseling and he said no so i moved out just to be away for awhile thinking it would make him see he would want to go to MC. Since i said i wanted some time apart but still meet once a week for coffee to keep in contact he said he wanted a 90 day no contact seperation and that we would meet on sept 15 to see if he wants to still be married. He said at the time he was 50/50. He just wasn't sure what he wanted. I know he's been talking to three other women (we are both 30 yrs old) but i dont know if he's slept with them. I'm am following his wishes on doing no contact which is so hard. Will he come back to me? Is it normal for men who are seperated to go out and talk to a bunch of women? How do i get him back? Please any advise is helpful!


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## lenzi

You moved out in order to try to get him to go to counseling.

Manipulative tactics like that often backfire, no surprise there.

He's not interested in being married to you anymore, he's cheated on you at least once that you know of, he shows no remorse, he's asked for an even longer separation than you wanted, he's chatting up other women and here you are waiting on him and wondering what he's doing with them. 

Nothing left to save here, sorry.


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## synthetic

Serve him the divorce papers and move on. He'll most likely come back begging after that (only after getting served), but I think you can help yourself gain enough confidence to decide what's best at that point.


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## ScrewedEverything

I don't know whether it is "normal" or not but if you read through other threads on here you'll see it over and over again: guys who are at the point of deciding whether to stay and reconcile or call it quits often feel the urge to test the waters with other women for a variety of reasons. I think it's just part of the process for many. Do they still "have it"? Are the flaws they percieve in their spouse really all that unique or just par for the course? Is he missing out on anything? I think part of deciding whether to stay or go involves considering what life would be like if you went. 

I'm sure you'd rather he be sitting in a lonely room thinking about how much he misses you (and maybe that's what he ultimately ends up doing) but on the flip side, I don't think talking to other women is necessarily as dire a sign as other posters seem to think.


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## This is me

"I completely disrespected my husband and he ended up sleeping with a one night stand. " 

This sounds like you are blaming yourself for his cheating. We are all responsible for our own actions. He is to blame for cheating not you.

I can tell you this much. You will never look more attractive to him until you stop being needy of him. Learn to 180 and live it now.

When my wife hit me with the D word I did all the wrong things, begging, pleading, crying....I looked pathetic to her. Then I learned about doing just the opposite. Even went so far to tell her I agreed with her that our marriage was a mess and if she wanted to move n then I would agree. Soon she was the one crying and pleading. Bizarre! 

But, I looked much more attractive to by being independent and she realized what she might be losing.

Cheating is a deal breaker for me, but some can salvage and get over it. Read Divorce Remedy and 180! Best wishes.


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## CanadianGuy

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html

And kind of like the poster above I told my wife our marriage was in the garbage....That kind of bugged her. lol

She did not cheat on me but had been lying about certain things for a long time. I found her out. 

I have been NC for about 3 weeks now. Last text to her unless it's about the kids was June 5th.


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