# Kissing



## bluegirl87 (Apr 20, 2013)

Hi there. Just curious. I haven’t kissed my husband in probably 15 years at least, meaning French kiss. I miss it terribly but I’m completely grossed out by it now with him. First few years together it was good but then it felt messy and gross. I don’t think it’s healthy at all for our marriage and wondering what others think about deep sensual French kisses??


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Why are you grossed out by it with him - when you miss it?


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Interesting discussion considering I've never kissed anyone and think it's disgusting and unsanitary. The term "swapping spit" sure as hell doesn't make it sound any more pleasant. I'll keep my age and gender hidden.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*A deep kiss with someone you love is completely natural!

Forgoing a deep kiss is much like abstaining from loving sex!*


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

I looooooove deep kissing. Few things turn me on more. 

I can't fathom having sex without passionate kissing, its just part of the deal for me. 

So much can be said in a kiss, sexual chemistry created, I can tell if someone is going to be sexually compatible with me through a kiss. 

And beyond that, in a long term relationship its how I convey passion, desire, lust. 

I LOVE KISSING!! I could shout that from the roof tops. But I also love sex, intimacy, physical shows of affection. 

OP - why do you find kissing your husband disgusting? Do you have sex with him? Are you attracted to him?


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

I like french kissing a lot as well and probably more than my wife. Kissing is very intimate to me.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'll answer your question that I love kissing my husband passionately. 

It's a way we demonstrate desire and want for each other. 

I especially love when we greet each other at the door and our kisses 'hello' become frenzied. mreow.

I'm into my husband and dig kissing. The two go well together.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

I absolutely love deep kissing, especially when my husband grabs the back of my neck or pulls me into him. It's just another level of intimacy and vulnerability that we reach through that specific act. He's also a phenomenal kisser so it's easy for him to plant my feet to the floor with very little effort. 

But I have definitely had a bad kisser or two in my dating years, so I can understand that being a turn-off in those cases. 

OP, is it simply because he's a bad kisser or have you had similar experiences with deep kissing that you simply do not respond well to? 

I think it could be considered normal not to enjoy it since kissing (and it's many forms) have a wide range of reception, usually based in cultural expectations or understandings of its use. Not every background has the same approach (or technique) to kissing, so outside of personal hygienic reasons, that could be understandable.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

BruceBanner said:


> Interesting discussion considering I've never kissed anyone and think it's disgusting and unsanitary. The term "swapping spit" sure as hell doesn't make it sound any more pleasant. I'll keep my age and gender hidden.


Have you ever had any sort of sexual contact with someone? Sex tends to be messy and involve a fair bit of swapping of body fluids.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

I shouldnthave said:


> Have you ever had any sort of sexual contact with someone? Sex tends to be messy and involve a fair bit of swapping of body fluids.


No. I believe I am asexual and I do not enjoy being asexual. I feel like a fish out of water living on land.


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## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

Deep kissing is one of my favorite things in the world. I’m very sorry you don’t have that in your marriage, and that you miss it. Maybe you could try to bring it back slowly? Could you talk to him about it?


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I can sort of relate.

My husband is not a very good kisser. He is very sloppy and wet. I also have a long standing slobber phobia. Which together is bad.

Sometimes I love kissing. Other times it grosses me out. Which is a real shame. Because I do like it sometimes and I know it can add a lot. It's hard to enjoy when I have to ask him to swallow, or I need to wipe my face off. 

Some times are better than others. Right now is allergy season... So he is extra wet, and sniffly, and mouth breathing.... Yuck. Times like these I have to talk myself into not getting grossed out which is of course a mood killer. I wish I could change because I know it affects us. I also wish my husband was a better kisser. I've tried to coach but he doesn't remember for long.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Deep/French kissing gets my W going. So yeah, we do it often and deeply.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

BruceBanner said:


> No. I believe I am asexual and I do not enjoy being asexual. I feel like a fish out of water living on land.


That's so fascinating to me @BruceBanner. I assumed asexual people must have much simpler lives without the drama that sex/sexual relationships can bring. 

So despite feeling that you may be asexual, do you still yearn for companionship? 
Did you always think that kissing was unsanitary, even as a child? Even when your parents did it (assuming both were around)? What about others (relatives) kissing you in your childhood days?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Why did you use to like it but don't now?


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Keke24 said:


> That's so fascinating to me @BruceBanner. I assumed asexual people must have much simpler lives without the drama that sex/sexual relationships can bring.
> 
> So despite feeling that you may be asexual, do you still yearn for companionship?
> Did you always think that kissing was unsanitary, even as a child? Even when your parents did it (assuming both were around)? What about others (relatives) kissing you in your childhood days?


Does anyone know why Quick Reply doesn't work on this site?

We might have simpler lives but I feel like an alien and experience jealousy occasionally. I just cram it down though.

I somewhat desire companionship but I have trust issues. It's really making out that I find disgusting and the thought of all that spit/saliva. A small kiss doesn't make my stomach churn nearly as much. I've never minded kisses on the cheek from relatives.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

BruceBanner said:


> Does anyone know why Quick Reply doesn't work on this site?
> 
> We might have simpler lives but I feel like an alien and experience jealousy occasionally. I just cram it down though.
> 
> I somewhat desire companionship but I have trust issues. It's really making out that I find disgusting and the thought of all that spit/saliva. A small kiss doesn't make my stomach churn nearly as much. I've never minded kisses on the cheek from relatives.


I'd love to hear more about what goes on in the mind of someone who feels asexual but I don't want to threadjack. I hope you consider your own thread to share what your experience has been. I've only ever met one person who admitted to being asexual and unfortunately she wasn't interested in talking about it. 

Either way, thanks for sharing that little bit above.

Curiouser and curiouser...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bluegirl87 said:


> Hi there. Just curious. I haven’t kissed my husband in probably 15 years at least, meaning French kiss. I miss it terribly but I’m completely grossed out by it now with him. First few years together it was good but then it felt messy and gross. I don’t think it’s healthy at all for our marriage and wondering what others think about deep sensual French kisses??


Wow. How could one not like to kiss the opposite sex? Not poking at you....just a side thought. 

French kissing is indeed best. W likes to be taken and sometimes hard kisses, sometimes soft then hard, well you get the picture. But hey, we always brush our teeth before sex. 

Are there any other reasons you don't want to be intimate with H?

Granted best advice is from others in the thread. I can't get my head around this one. 

For OP, I've been married over 30 yrs.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I can sort of relate.
> 
> My husband is not a very good kisser. He is very sloppy and wet. I also have a long standing slobber phobia. Which together is bad.
> 
> ...


Ha! I knew I was doing something right. No general slobbering here. That I know about 😊.

However...I was taught how to kiss from the girls in band starting in 6th grade. Literally they would advise me. We had a storage closet in the band room that I'd go into with different girls and as I got good at it, the girls would take turns coming in. But all we did then was kiss, until 8th grade.

Literally I was a class project for the clarinet and flute players, all girl sections. 

Kissing is a great thing. Being observant of your partner is key.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

OP I have a question for you.

IF <insert your hottest actor> came over to you... picked you up.. and wanted a french kiss... Would you be grossed out?
Or is it just your husband that repulses you from the act?

The answer to this question is critical


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

TheCuriousWife said:


> My husband is not a very good kisser. He is very sloppy and wet.
> 
> It's hard to enjoy when I have to ask him to swallow, or I need to wipe my face off.


Uff that sounds dreadful. 

Here is what I don't quite understand.... How do people end up married to people that they do not enjoy kissing? 

Can a couple be incompatible with kissing, but compatible for sex? For me, kissing has always been the precursor to sex, its the first step of the dance. Figuring out what each other like, following and leading, dancing together... If you can't make the kiss work, how does the rest of the sexual intimacy work? 

The other day my husband reminded me that I "taught him how to kiss" - and I almost forgot that I had  

Its not that he was terrible, I just showed him how *I* liked to be kissed. Literally used words and instruction "I want you to kiss me like this" - then proceed to kiss him in the way that lights my fire. And in turn he made clear to me the things he enjoys in a kiss, and I include that for him as well. 

Kissing, sex, its all about LISTENING to your partner, and responding to that. If someone is tone deaf, doesn't detect your displeasure and keep doing the same thing? Gosh - I couldn't imagine coming back for more of that.


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## ewam (May 28, 2017)

i miss kissing, havent kissed properly with my partner for nearly 15 years since he had jaw broken, doctors could never fix it properly and he ever since finds kissing if it goes for longer painful, we still enjoy sex though


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I wish my wife was as into kissing as I am. 

I thought maybe I was a bad kisser, but previous girlfriends loved extended make out sessions with me. Moreover, after some passionate kissing, they were willing to do things they'd never considered previously, so I have to conclude I was pretty good in that area. 

Had I been more knowledgeable back then, I'd have been able to identify that as a "red flag" regarding the potential for success in the physical aspect of our relationship.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

bluegirl,

You wrote, *I miss it terribly but I’m completely grossed out by it now with him. *

What happened? 

Did he cheat on you or you on him or either became fat or become emotionally attached to someone else?

He may sense you don't like it and is desperate to get it back but at the same time feels clumsy and hopeless.

Yes without kissing sex feels incomplete, like a single course meal.

Tamat


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I think soul kissing is important in an intimate relationship & I love it. XH didn’t like kissing other than pecks and excepting one night we were inebriated and having sex. I believe he was/is asexual as well. Good luck to the new lady. 

I still haven’t found someone to date seriously but kissing will be a prerequisite!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

The great prelude to sex is a wet sloppy make out session. I almost enjoy having a woman's slobber all over my face as I enjoy having her juices on my face. I do not understand how anyone could not enjoy it.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

BruceBanner said:


> No. I believe I am asexual and I do not enjoy being asexual. I feel like a fish out of water living on land.


Might want to have a chat with a counselor about this. My guess is that you have some phobias about things that are perfectly normal and safe.

The reality is that we absorb most germs by what we touch with our hands, then we touch our faces or food. Kissing transfers, more surely, but you tend to use your hands a lot more. And, if you ever touch money, well, you don't want to know what you just touched....


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

A good, long make out session is as good as sex.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

DustyDog said:


> Might want to have a chat with a counselor about this. My guess is that you have some phobias about things that are perfectly normal and safe.
> 
> The reality is that we absorb most germs by what we touch with our hands, then we touch our faces or food. Kissing transfers, more surely, but you tend to use your hands a lot more. And, if you ever touch money, well, you don't want to know what you just touched....


Lmfao. I don't need to have a chat with a counselor. I don't have any phobias.

Although I wish I did. @DustyDog


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

BruceBanner said:


> Lmfao. I don't need to have a chat with a counselor. I don't have any phobias.
> 
> Although I wish I did. @DustyDog


........actually sounds like you do..........


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Betrayedone said:


> ........actually sounds like you do..........


What makes you think that? @Betrayedone


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

BruceBanner said:


> What makes you think that? @Betrayedone


I think it might be you, saying this: "I've never kissed anyone and think it's disgusting and unsanitary." Kissing is a nearly universal activity, in which humans have engaged in for millenia. Avoiding an activity because you think it is disgusting and unsanitary, despite facts to the contrary is indicative of some underlying fear or phobia. 
I guess my question is, since you seem to deny having issues (while admitting that you do), why are you on a forum concerning marriage? Are you married? Or is it just morbid curiousity?


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Ynot said:


> I think it might be you, saying this: "I've never kissed anyone and think it's disgusting and unsanitary." Kissing is a nearly universal activity, in which humans have engaged in for millenia. Avoiding an activity because you think it is disgusting and unsanitary, despite facts to the contrary is indicative of some underlying fear or phobia.
> I guess my question is, since you seem to deny having issues (while admitting that you do), why are you on a forum concerning marriage? Are you married? Or is it just morbid curiousity?


I'm here because I want to be. There's nothing wrong with me, at least nothing I can fix.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

BruceBanner said:


> I'm here because I want to be. There's nothing wrong with me, at least nothing I can fix.


Got it. More denial


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I LOVE kissing...soft butterfly kisses, long deep passionate kisses, combo of both...I could kiss for hours...sigh.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Steve2.0 said:


> OP I have a question for you.
> 
> IF <insert your hottest actor> came over to you... picked you up.. and wanted a french kiss... Would you be grossed out?
> Or is it just your husband that repulses you from the act?
> ...


I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this, but I do not enjoy kissing either. Never have... has nothing to do with my husband specifically. I usually need a couple of drinks before I can initiate it myself. I will kiss my husband all the time because I know he enjoys it, but the first minute or so I have a knee jerk response of ick.. this is gross. It's just the feeling of it that I don't like. I'm not a prude and don't have issues with any other touching or kissing that's not on the mouth. I am just not a huge fan of it and have to force myself to get over the initial repulsion. The problem is that the kissing really gets H going while it actually turns me off a bit, so it's like I'm taking two steps back while he is taking two steps forward and we end at completely different planes of existence. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I love kissing my husband. If it's become ''messy and gross,'' maybe gently discuss this with him, as to how you both can improve things.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There is a good forum on asexuality on asexuality.org

Its something I didn't know existed until quite recently. Seems to behave sort of like a sexual orientation.




BruceBanner said:


> I'm here because I want to be. There's nothing wrong with me, at least nothing I can fix.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Side story: My wife's grandmother had dementia before she passed at 84. I never knew her before the dementia and she didn't know who I was at family gatherings or anyone else but her 85 year old husband. On one such gathering, as we met, she planted a lip lock on me and I do mean a lip lock. I was quite stunned afterwards but understood that it must have seemed like a great thing in her mind so I was sort of happy that she got a positivity trigger from it. I told my wife about it later and she laughed while saying, "don't feel bad, she kissed me the same way!"

Kissing is one of the most intimate activities for me to participate in. It's also a great erection trigger for me which always surprises my wife. Intimacy really gets me off. Different strokes


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