# Less sex in marriage is due to boredom, not libido.



## Vinnydee

My wife and I are married 46 years and my wife got bored with sex and wanted it less and less. Thought it was just differences in libido but a new study says it is due to being bored having sex with the same guy over and over in the same way. Yet women are afraid to be though of as ****s and perverts if they suggest things so they keep quiet. Here is an article about it. My wife and I found a way to get out of the monogamy boredom rut and still keep our marriage safe. We basically shared a girlfriend who was into all kinds of sexual fetishes and kinks. Our married sex life was fantastic until we went back to monogamy, not by choice but by a job transfer away from our girlfriend of 30 years. Check this out. Not suggesting you become non monogamous but suggesting that you need to add things to you long term sex life to stop it from boring her to death. In my car, my wife had a female to love and hang with.

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/women-get-bored-sex-long-term-relationships/582736/


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## minimalME

Boredom is a character flaw, and it's something that has to be corrected from the inside out.

In our society, it's fueled by the fact that we don't have to work that hard to survive, and most are addicted to novelty.

A person can have an endless amount of lovers and sexual experiences and still be bored. 

Learning contentment, being thankful, having a purpose - these are more worthwhile challenges.


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## ConanHub

My sex life has never been so satisfying since being with my wife.

She doesn't seem to be all that bored as she often corners me for sex.

We have only been together for 27+ years so maybe the boredom you talk about will come in another decade or so?

Mrs. Conan is still a hot little cutie and I can't keep my hands off her for even one day.

She is always grabbing my butt, unit, chest, biceps, shoulders,etc.....

We aren't bored.

I remember talking to three Indians, from India, about marriage while at a BBQ.

One was relating a conversation from his friend where his friend stated that being with the same woman forever would be boring so he cheats on his wife of only a few years, to keep things fresh.

I said without hesitation, "He gets bored because he is boring.". His two friends erupted in laughter and I realized that the man was talking about himself and not a friend.

I'm not boring. I am a knuckle dragging barbarian who can pick my wife up easily with one arm and do what I want.

Mrs. Conan isn't boring. She is a petite little lady all the way and I still get aroused watching her bend over, kneeling, walking up the stairs in front of me, showering, etc.....

I don't see the world the way you do.


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## ConanHub

P.S. If Mrs. C was a taller, larger woman and I was a thinner, smaller man, we still wouldn't be bored.

We would just have different landscapes to play with!😉


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## EllisRedding

Per the article:



> It’s not uncommon for women to let their straight partners play in a “monogamy gray zone,” to give guys access to tensional outlets that allow them to cheat without really cheating. “Happy ending” massages, oral sex at bachelor parties, lap dances, escorts at conferences … influenced by ubiquitous pop-cultural cues, many people believe that men need these opportunities for recreational “sorta sex” because “it’s how men are.” It’s how women are, too, it seems.


Is this really common? So happy ending massages, woman commonly allow men to play in this gray zone??? Likewise for oral sex at a bachelor party??? IDK, sounds like the author is embellishing quite a bit here trying to make their case...


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## ConanHub

EllisRedding said:


> Per the article:
> 
> 
> 
> Is this really common? So happy ending massages, woman commonly allow men to play in this gray zone??? Likewise for oral sex at a bachelor party??? IDK, sounds like the author is embellishing quite a bit here trying to make their case...


I think the author is trying to say that because men behave badly, women do too.

Duh....

There are some segments of society that might be this way but I guarantee that it is misogynistic and the same liberties allowed men would be unthinkable with women.


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## MJJEAN

minimalME said:


> A person can have an endless amount of lovers and sexual experiences and still be bored.


So very true. I had a nice run of it in my single days and during my first marriage. After a while, the endless lovers and experiences just sort of blended together and became rather ho-hum and boring.



ConanHub said:


> She doesn't seem to be all that bored as she often corners me for sex.


_in narrator voice_

"Here we have a Male Spouse in his natural habitat completing work on his den before the rainy season. Unbeknownst to him, the Female Spouse is hunting him from around the corner. Look at his body language as he realizes he's being watched. He turns to face the threat, but it's too late. She has him."



ConanHub said:


> We have only been together for 27+ years so maybe the boredom you talk about will come in another decade or so?


I've been with DH 19 years. We've had frequent* to regular* sex for the majority of that time and aren't bored. Maybe in 15-20 years?

*Frequent defined as daily
*Regular defined as more than 2x per week


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## uhtred

There is so much variation in people with regards to sexual interests, that I'm not sure any generalizations are useful. I'm sure some women are bored. I'm sure some men are bored. I'm also sure that there are a whole host of other reasons as well.


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## Young at Heart

Vinnydee said:


> My wife and I are married 46 years and my wife got bored with sex and wanted it less and less. Thought it was just differences in libido but a new study says it is due to being bored having sex with the same guy over and over in the same way. Yet women are afraid to be though of as ****s and perverts if they suggest things so they keep quiet. Here is an article about it. My wife and I found a way to get out of the monogamy boredom rut and still keep our marriage safe. We basically shared a girlfriend who was into all kinds of sexual fetishes and kinks. Our married sex life was fantastic until we went back to monogamy, not by choice but by a job transfer away from our girlfriend of 30 years. Check this out. Not suggesting you become non monogamous but suggesting that you need to add things to you long term sex life to stop it from boring her to death. In my car, my wife had a female to love and hang with.
> 
> https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/women-get-bored-sex-long-term-relationships/582736/





EllisRedding said:


> Per the article:
> 
> Is this really common? *So happy ending massages, woman commonly allow men to play in this gray zone???* Likewise for oral sex at a bachelor party??? IDK, sounds like the author is embellishing quite a bit here trying to make their case...





ConanHub said:


> .....There are some segments of society that might be this way but I guarantee that it is misogynistic and the same liberties allowed men would be unthinkable with women.


My 2 cents.

But first, thank you Vinny for the article. It was an interesting read. Not sure it applies to all, but to some probably.

I have been married to the same sexually inhibited woman for 47+ years. I love her, but come close to divorcing her a few times. She now understands how important sex is to me and to our marriage.

I do think that there are women out there that don't object to husbands going to a strip club for a lap dance or having a happy ending massage. I know women who will take their hubby out to a strip club and pay for a lap dance or 3 for hubby and one for them in a "simulated 3-some" just to spice things up. Others view hubby going to a strip club for just a dance or two as foreplay to get him worked up for their sexual pleasure.

On the other hand there is such a thing as girls night out and bachelorette parties dancing at a club or with male strippers etc. If my wife wanted to go to one, as long as she kept her panties and pants on, came home horny and wanting sex with me, not sure I would object unless it became a regular thing.

I also think the sex grey zone all depends how a couple defines sex. Some define sex as penis in vagina (Bill Clinton was one of these kind of people). For those kinds of folks happy ending massages, lap dances, etc. are fun, but not sex or infidelity.

My wife told me before marriage that BJ's were too intimate before marriage, but after marriage her love for me would increase to the point we could do that. She never got over her inhibitions. A few years after we were married, she has told me it is too disgusting and there would be no intimacy in doing it for her. In such a situation, I wonder if she would give me a hall pass to get a BJ. Not going to do it, as I don't want to ruin our marriage, but some day I may ask. Right now I am getting the sex I need and while limited in variety it is satisfying.

I do think that the article does have some relevance to couples committed to their definition of monogamy. I liked the post and comments.


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## CharlieParker

Interesting read, thanks, but not really us. 

We’ve been having sex together for 28 years, not as long as OP but still a good amount of time. The past couple of days we’ve been discussing the changes and challenges in our sex life. Boredom (or the desire bring in a 3rd) was never brought up. IDK, sex is fun, and even if it’s routine and basically always the same, it’s still always different. And while toys, lingerie, etc can be fun we generally find them distracting, it is after all about she and I. 

For us the biggest down turns in the sex coincided with major life events beyond our control. The fairly sudden death of her dad and the long demise of my mom were major ones (sorry dad and MIL, we didn’t/won’t miss a beat). 

From the article “It’s that the sex they’re having isn’t what she wants”. My wife has told me that. That hurt, but I’m glad she did. We’ve always been good about talking about sex. We’ve found making changes in the bedroom fairly easy. The different path required to get there post menopause (which zapped her libido) was a bit more difficult.


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## ConanHub

MJJEAN said:


> _in narrator voice_
> 
> "Here we have a Male Spouse in his natural habitat completing work on his den before the rainy season. Unbeknownst to him, the Female Spouse is hunting him from around the corner. Look at his body language as he realizes he's being watched. He turns to face the threat, but it's too late. She has him."


This was really funny to me at least! I need to see this in a short skit! :laugh:


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## In Absentia

And what about no sex in marriage? :laugh:


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

For me anyway, barring medical conditions and I don't think we're including that here, a no sex M wouldn't work.

We are very compatible outside of sex, that's not an issue.

After 34 yrs married we get along just fine. 

But, no sex would be a mountain maybe impossible to climb. 

I want sex. The drive does impact my actions, I can't honestly say it doesn't. And don't want to, really. 

I'm older, not yet dead. 

If both our sexual drives were magically reset to zero we'd stay together. 

I have a full non sexual schedule and that can limit us sometimes but if she wants and I can move, I'm there. 

Otherwise I'm able to get a poke when desire, so all is good. *for brevity. 😍😍


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## In Absentia

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm older, not yet dead.


I'm not "dead" either, at 55... my drive is still there...  I don't quite understand how my wife can contemplate the rest of her life with no sex, no intimacy, no relationship, doing her own thing. I do understand that she has no libido and no desire to have sex, but being on her own for the rest of her life, like that? It baffles me. I won't be around... anyway, maybe there is a boredom factor too. I wonder if she met a different man...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Aquaman?? 😁😁😁


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## In Absentia

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Aquaman?? 😁😁😁


:grin2: She doesn't like big muscles, apparently... yeah, right! :laugh:


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