# A good friend told me...



## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

"You may not have shown your kids the perfect marriage, but show them a good divorce."

I've felt SO GOOD the past two days. I feel like I'm starting to accept what's happening (but watch me have a backslide tomorrow...). I've been in a great mood. STBXH had the kids this weekend, I went on a much needed shopping spree (bookending it with lunch and dinner with a good friend) for clothes that actually fit me since the separation/divorce/depression diet started (mixed in with massive spinning classes and running with my triple jogger). Back to my pre-pre-pre pregnancy weight! 

I've been thinking. I wanted, and probably will again tomorrow, for our marriage to work out. For him to say that he wanted to work on it, too. But now, I don't even know this man. He's a total stranger to me. Got the ILYB speech 4 months ago. (ILYB I never loved you in the first place...huh?) I know I was 50% of the problem in our marriage. I've come to accept that, let go of the anger and blame, explore the real reason for my actions, etc. I wanted to work on it. So, a few weeks ago, I gave him what he wanted. I said that I believed if we worked on it, our marriage could flourish, but I do understand it takes two and I can't control how he feels. Told him he could take his ring off, took mine off the next day, cleaned house, had my ups and downs, but yesterday and today felt totally different. Felt really good. 

Time to let go, TOTALLY, and move on. Can't file for another 8 months. I wish I could just do it, rip it off like a band-aid. Get it over with. I'll schedule the mediation in April. Get it all done now so that we can just file when it's time. 

I'm sure I'll feel different when I wake up...


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## testing123 (Jan 9, 2012)

Wow, what a great post. I'm just starting to get into that headspace right now. We've been separated just over 3 months, and yes I still want to work it out, but like you said we cannot control that. It takes two, and if we're going to work on our marriage then we need to jump in with both feet, and I honestly do not believe that I would ever see her do that.

I am at minimum 50% responsible for the failure in the marriage, and have been in extensive therapy for about 4 months with at least another year on the horizon (group therapy starting next week!!!) to work on myself.

I too have joined the gym, am at a weight now that I haven't been at for at least 10 years, feeling very good. Now if I could just have a good nights sleep!!!


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

So glad to hear you are getting there Testing123! There are ups and downs, but therapy and introspection helps so much! I've been in individual counseling for the past 4 months and have been in a women's support group for the past 2 months. IC has done wonders, but support group is so good! What a great feeling to really know you aren't alone! Our situations are all different, but the underlying emotions are all common! I wish you well in support group.

We just have to keep on keepin' on! We've got to focus on ourselves, our own well being and if you have kids, they need you so much now too. 

Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Good for both of you! Very inspiring.:smthumbup:


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