# VERY LONG POST: My wife says she's had orgasms. I don't believe her.



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Hi everyone. I'm a new poster who has been reading the boards for several weeks now, and everyone seems so open and honest (and non-judgemental) that I feel comfortable enough posting, any advice would be greatly appreciated. *(My apologies for the super long post.)*

Our problem is twofold, but I'm not sure one can be separated from the other just yet - hopefully it will be clear by the end of my post.

*Problem 1*: Lovemaking is way too infrequent for me. My wife doesn't think it's a "big deal."

*Problem 2*: I don't believe she has ever had an orgasm, although she tells me she had one (!) on our honeymoon.

Let me preface it by saying that we were both virgins when we got married, and we were very inexperienced. I could barely last through a few minutes of intercourse. Now we have been married going on seven years.

With that said, our sex life has never been stellar, and of late it has been declining. Two times in one month is a good month. So for some reason, quite some time ago I got it in my head that if she at least had orgasm(s) then just MAYBE she would get more satisfaction from it and want it more. She always says (and maintains to this day) that it's OK, it's not a big deal, she's likes it anyway, she doesn't need that.

Needless to say, her never having had an orgasm is very upsetting to me, so I have been working on my performance and researching the topic for some time, hoping that me being better would help her. Most of what I was always doing during foreplay apparently works very well for a lot of women (from massage and caressing to oral and fingers). It would get to a point where she was literally begging for intercourse. So I thought maybe I wasn't lasting long enough or she wasn't getting the right kind of stimulation, so I practiced and got better at lasting longer. I even bought several toys (that she picked out) to try to help. *sigh*

I don't doubt that she is capable of orgasm. She has remarked that she has the strong urge to urinate during intercourse, so we stop while she goes, and guess what: nothing comes out (and we don't continue after she returns). A few months ago I found out that this sensation is a precursor to a g-spot orgasm, so I told her about it. I've tried the same things that got her to that point, and she insists that she has to urinate and goes to the bathroom, even with me reassuring her that she doesn't. Somehow she just can't get past it.

I don't know about most guys, but I certainly don't enjoy spending 30 minutes of foreplay and 30 minutes of intercourse and then suddenly being stopped and told that I should "go finish in the bathroom." If that's all I wanted I can do that myself and never ask for sex. This (plus the infrequency of the act) is honestly why giving up on sex with my wife seems like the best option for me right now. For every time we do it, there were 20 times where she's not in the mood, not thinking about that right now, etc.

I send her articles and she sighs. I try to talk to her about it and she is dismissive. She tells me that I'm "making a big deal over nothing."

In the end I feel unwanted and resentful, I don't even want to touch her or look at her because I'll just get aroused and that just leads to disappointment. We had both gained weight since getting married, and when we recently started losing weight my libido seems to have jumped significantly, which only adds to my frustration. I'm actually holding my weight where it is because I already want it every day and I'm afraid that if I lose more weight then I'll want it more than that.

Since she said she didn't like the vibrators that we bought, I was thinking maybe a dildo that is similar to my size and girth would help, but in recent days I feel like I'd be wasting money and that she wouldn't even want more sex, even if she did have orgasms.

I should add that she has a stressful job and a long commute, which I try to mitigate by doing nearly all of the housework (cooking, cleaning, etc.), and taking care of our daughter, and working full time 10+ hours per day. I am awake and busy for the same number of hours as she is. When we do make love, I am (I think) extremely attentive and she genuinely enjoys it, until something stops us. [I hope to avoid being too explicit, but for example: one day a few weeks ago she was stimulating me manually. The phone by the bed rings - it's our bank. After one ring the phone on the nightstand dies, so she stops abruptly, jumps up and runs to the other room for the phone, and she still missed the call. When she returned some minutes later I was told that I could go finish in the bathroom.] I don't know what else to do; she thinks everything is fine and nothing needs to be changed.

Has anyone had such an issue and been able to work past it? I am out of ideas and almost out of rope.


----------



## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

I would feel so hurt and rejected. I would be crying by now. I would feel undesired, unloved. So, what to do?

I recommend marriage counseling. She is avoiding sex. I wonder if there is any religious upbringing that taught her orgasms are bad or masturbating is bad. I only ask because you mentioned you both were virgins at marriage. Why is she avoiding sex and not allowing herself to enjoy it? This may be hard for her to verbalize. Would either of you consider marriage counseling?

I'm wondering - does she masturbate? If not, that is a huge red flag. I am thinking of O'Donnell, senator candidate from Delaware, who once in a religious phase believed masturbation was bad. How many religious people are taught this?

I can tell you when I'm in the middle of it with my H, I am only into him, I don't even hear the TV or the phone ring, and if the kids come to the door I tell them to get lost. So in her case, she probably welcomes the phone - it's an excuse to get out of an uncomfortable situation. Is it mental - she thinks sex is bad? She feels guilty for enjoying it. Was she ever sexually abused?


----------



## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

If she's not really into sex then I doubt having orgasms would make her want it more. Maybe you should look more into why she has a low libido and work on that. Orgasms aren't a magical cure, contrary to popular belief.


----------



## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Quote: She tells me that I'm "making a big deal over nothing

Quote: In the end I feel unwanted and resentful, I don't even want to touch her or look at her because I'll just get aroused and that just leads to disappointment. We had both gained weight since getting married, and when we recently started losing weight my libido seems to have jumped significantly, which only adds to my frustration. I'm actually holding my weight where it is because I already want it every day and I'm afraid that if I lose more weight then I'll want it more than that.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
I hope she would put lots of effort in healing your wound... keep communicating with your wife until she realized the importance.


----------



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Sara Ann said:


> I wonder if there is any religious upbringing that taught her orgasms are bad or masturbating is bad. I only ask because you mentioned you both were virgins at marriage. Why is she avoiding sex and not allowing herself to enjoy it? This may be hard for her to verbalize. Would either of you consider marriage counseling?


We are Christian but I don't believe she was ever taught that orgasms or masturbating are bad, I wasn't. I don't think she's not allowing herself to enjoy it, but it seems like it's up to a certain point. She is really into it when we do make love, it's just not as often as I'd like.

I would consider marriage counseling but I'm sure she would say that it's absurd to go to counseling just because I want more sex.

I am not sure if I am making too much of it or maybe there are some other unresolved trust issues that need to be addressed. I try talking to her and it seems that everything is OK but she's always thinking about work and only wants to cuddle up to me at night. Of course this makes me uncomfortable because after even a few days without making love the slightest touch makes me super aroused and just lying there with an erection becomes painful after a while. When I tell her playfully "now look at what you've done!" and have her feel it she usually either has no reaction or a negative one.



Sara Ann said:


> I'm wondering - does she masturbate? If not, that is a huge red flag. I am thinking of O'Donnell, senator candidate from Delaware, who once in a religious phase believed masturbation was bad. How many religious people are taught this?


No, she doesn't. I encourage her to, but she says she feels weird doing it by herself; I offer to help and do it for her (and this is actually a big part of our foreplay) but after a while she just wants intercourse. She refuses to let me bring her to orgasm using oral or fingers (or a combination of both). She really loves it but I guess intercourse feels better to her, to the point where she's begging for it.

I asked to choose some toys, she doesn't like the rabbit (says it doesn't do anything for her) so I picked out a dildo that she might like, but now I think buying it would just be a waste of money.

At one point I felt like maybe she did masturbate at some point before we got married and maybe ejaculated during orgasm and she's afraid of that happening again. I told her I would LOVE that (i would!) and tried to be as reassuring as possible. I still hold out hope that she does but at this point I just think she refuses to fully relax and enjoy it.

She used to go down on me often but I've had maybe one BJ in the past 18-24 months. During our most recent session was the first time she put her mouth down there in that long (for just a few moments), it was a little surprising to me.

Of course, if I mention any of this she either thinks I making too much of it by "keeping track" or gets annoyed and it turns into an argument.



Sara Ann said:


> I can tell you when I'm in the middle of it with my H, I am only into him, I don't even hear the TV or the phone ring, and if the kids come to the door I tell them to get lost. So in her case, she probably welcomes the phone - it's an excuse to get out of an uncomfortable situation. Is it mental - she thinks sex is bad? She feels guilty for enjoying it. Was she ever sexually abused?


No, she wasn't. And to be clear, we weren't having intercourse, she was just giving me a hand job. It just felt like as soon as the phone rang she almost jumped off the bed; she always says she likes doing it but that made me think twice, and I hope I'm wrong but I just can't tell with her.

I've asked her about the BJ thing and she used to tell me that she likes doing it because I like it. When I asked her who she hasn't done it recently she says that she "hasn't really thought about it." I don't really understand this because I love giving and want to do it every time we are together.

I'm thinking maybe there is something going on with her or the stress at work or something else, but she insists that it's not a problem, not caring that it's a problem for ME.

We've gone on week long vacations and made love once the entire time. We have another one coming up in about 5 weeks so we'll see what happens then, but honestly at this point I'm tired of asking and getting excuses; I plan romantic evenings out without the baby and then when we get home it's straight to sleep. When we do make love I try not to pressure her or rush anything, I try to make her feel comfortable and do everything she likes, and still I feel like there is distance, like she is holding back orgasm on purpose.

I am tired of bringing it up too, because half the time it gets twisted into an argument about her needs and the other half of the time she just sighs and dismisses me. I feel that the difference between me and her is that when she complains about me I listen and make and effort to be better. Sometimes I am not successful but I try.

She told me that on average she comes home from work horny two times per week but if there is "something that has to be done" around the house (like dirty dishes, laundry, etc.) she gets preoccupied and focuses on this, and that if I was more focused on getting things done then we would be more sexually "in tune."

I try my best but like I said, I also work and get the baby ready for day care (preparing her meals, getting her cleaned and dressed), clean the kitchen, do the laundry, mow the lawn, clean the pool, etc. Personally I don't see any difference when the house is spotless or there are a few dishes in the sink; so I've just been focusing my energy on doing those kinds of things and not looking for any additional affection. I almost don't care anymore. Maybe when I stop caring completely then it won't hurt so much?

I realize you're only hearing my side of the story but when I try to communicate with her I feel like it's wasted breathe. Maybe I'm just venting here, I don't know.

Thanks for listening.


----------



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

76Trombones said:


> If she's not really into sex then I doubt having orgasms would make her want it more. Maybe you should look more into why she has a low libido and work on that. Orgasms aren't a magical cure, contrary to popular belief.


On the contrary, she's very into when all the planets are aligned and it actually happens.

I think at least she would sleep better if she had orgasms.


----------



## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Hmmm.. she doesn't masturbate, she doesn't want an orgasm, that is not normal. 

Why are you minimizing your emotional pain, ie this is not important enough to warrant counseling? It sure is!!

Marriage counseling is a must. She has to look at why she is avoiding sex, and how to improve communication between the two of you.

Someone started a thread about what sex means to a man, written from a christian perspective. Many christian women feel a strong duty to have satisfying sex lives. My mormon friend tries to get her husband whenever she can, so he won't stray. My southern Baptist friend was a virgin at marriage, and with 4 young kids she says the best part of him working at home is she can jump him whenever she likes! I think Focus on the Family has some great info on this too - let her read it or listen to it - what does she think? I suspect her attitude about sex is negative - where did she learn that? Can she learn a healthy way to love her husband and enjoy herself?


----------



## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

:iagree: with Sara Ann above. Sounds like good old fashion marriage education and counseling is needed.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Sara Ann said:


> Hmmm.. she doesn't masturbate, she doesn't want an orgasm, that is not normal.
> 
> Why are you minimizing your emotional pain, ie this is not important enough to warrant counseling? It sure is!!
> 
> ...


I used to be a witness, and so did my husband. We are taught that we have to fulfill each other's needs. Men are taught to respect and look after their women. Men are taught women are weak, so it is their duty to provide for us. Women are taught to respect their men and be submissive. We are also taught to keep our places clean. I learned a lot of things from attending their meetings. They are too extreme, I had to leave. But I like all the moral teachings from the Bible.

Witnesses have a book called The Secret of Family Happiness. It is also a great book for families. People can go to their website and read it.


----------



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Star said:


> Has she tried finding out what feels good and turns her on through solo masturbation? If she can find out herself what floats her boat she can then show you and then you can work with her to push her across the finish line?


I have encouraged her to do this, but she says that she'd feel weird do it by herself.


----------



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Sara Ann said:


> Hmmm.. she doesn't masturbate, she doesn't want an orgasm, that is not normal.
> 
> Why are you minimizing your emotional pain, ie this is not important enough to warrant counseling? It sure is!!


I would be open to counseling, my point was that she would not think it's worth it.



Sara Ann said:


> Marriage counseling is a must. She has to look at why she is avoiding sex, and how to improve communication between the two of you.
> 
> Someone started a thread about what sex means to a man, written from a christian perspective. Many christian women feel a strong duty to have satisfying sex lives. My mormon friend tries to get her husband whenever she can, so he won't stray. My southern Baptist friend was a virgin at marriage, and with 4 young kids she says the best part of him working at home is she can jump him whenever she likes! I think Focus on the Family has some great info on this too - let her read it or listen to it - what does she think? I suspect her attitude about sex is negative - where did she learn that? Can she learn a healthy way to love her husband and enjoy herself?


I sent this to her and when I mentioned that I email her an article she sighed. I asked her about it later in the day and she said she read "some of it."

When I ask her why she pushes me away or doesn't want to have an orgasm, she says that the sensation is "too intense" and it's her reaction to stop.

Now that I think about it, I think maybe while I am pleasing her orally / manually and she begs me for intercourse she may actually be close to orgasm but for some reason wants the little "breather" while I put on a condom, etc. She'll actually be writhing and moaning with pleasure and then suddenly push my head / hand away very firmly. Then we start having intercourse but after 20-30 minutes I can't hold it anymore. I offer to go down on her again afterwards or use my fingers but she always declines. The times where I did use my fingers after intercourse she says she "really has to pee." I say "no you don't, just relax" but she says "no, I had to pee before, I really do have to pee." Then she goes to the bathroom and comes back, and I know she didn't have to go. This is why I don't know what else to do, I'd rather not waste money on more toys if it won't help.

How else can I get her to relax and just let it happen? This is what makes me feel like she's had an orgasm before and didn't like what happened.

Ladies, has anyone had this problem (feeling like it's too intense / having to urinate) and gotten past it?


----------



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Star said:


> Why don't you do it together? show her how you like to be touched and vice versa, that's how I did it years ago with my H


I try, and after a certain point she always begs for intercourse.

I've even told her beforehand "I don't want to have intercourse, I just want to please you." (The language is not so sterile of course, I've been sanitizing everything.) Without fail she gets worked up and feeling good and always wants intercourse.

I don't know if intercourse feels so much better or she just wants the break in-between to cool down.

It seems that she is more in control during sex; when I am going down on her, for instance, she seems to _almost_ lose control at some points. That's usually when she asks.


----------



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

I will try then next time, but honestly I don't feel like initiating at all any more.


----------



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

This morning I emailed her and laid everything out there. Since for some reason I am unable to organize my thoughts verbally, I thought writing would be better and I wouldn't be interrupted with retorts.

Hopefully she'll read the whole thing and not just dismiss it as more "making a big deal over nothing."

Fingers crossed.


----------



## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Hi Seppuku

sharing

Some women ejaculate. And it can feel like they are going to the bathroom. The key is to go to the bathroom before hand. Then if she feels the feeling-it can be her own ejaculate or just the feeling like you said .. She can get past that barrier some of it is in the mind and how to handle it in the mind if that makes sense?. 

Some women due to emotional pasts or -whatever-have a fear of losing control in sex -it may be her way of taking back that control and feeling safe in doing so. Have a man be a part of it and so on can be challenge to say the least. What is her background. SOme women dont realize how important sex is to the relationship. And why it is valuable. That can be a part of it too. 

Judith



Judith


----------



## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Seppuku 

Running to the bathroom... 

Correct me if I am wrong but it sounds like she has trauma in her past. Running to the bathroom is what a person who has a traumatic past would do. My friend would do that after he ejaculated into her due to her painful past. May it would be good to not focus on giving her an orgasm and just work with touch for while and maybe nonsexual touch. See how that goes. Another person I am talking to in a similiar situation as you is doing touches nonsexual for while. maybe due to her past that is what she needs while you lay there naked. After she leaves and comes back. Laying there together might help her to understand why it is important for you both to do it together. May not focus for now on the orgasm thing and just try to let her feel feelings of sexualness with yoru fingers in to feel wht the feelings feel like etc. Like when you feel inside and she starts to feel that back off and move to another area and come back. Practice this for whiile so that she can get used to that feeling etc 

slowly and gently move into the feeling and prior to that ask ehr what she is feeling at that point to see if she says anything before moving with fingers to that point. It sounds like something within her is blocking her mental to self protect herself from something that she doesn't need to...

Any thoughts etc? 

Judith


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

I think your wife is afraid to orgasm and likely has some other hangups about sex and her own sexuality. Even if she didn't particularly enjoy intercourse, an orgasm orally will prevent her from doing that. After this being her routine for x number of years, (not that it should take nearly that long), it would, at some point, occur to a sane person that obviously she doesn't have to go, that it just feels like she has to. I am not going to assume your wife is insane but that she is afraid and probably annoyed with her own dissatisfaction.

The greatest probability is she is afraid of a lot of things - from enjoying love making, to actually having an orgasm, to talking you through it (giving you instructions), to talking to you about it. If during intercourse or oral sex she has never suggested anything "keep doing that" or "don't stop" to egg and encourage you on, then I'm right and she has some sort of hangup.

I am going to submit that this hangup doesn't necessarily stem from any bad experience from her past. Because she was a virgin might explain it completely. Had there been other partners, she would have had opportunity to become more aware and more comfortable with both what to expect and what is expected. You being her only partner, she considers you demanding because there is no one to compare you to, and she doesn't appreciate your demands. That is the reason she says you make too much of it. For the sexually unsatisfied woman, ANY man is too demanding, and she has no respect for him in that area. I'm hoping this will alleviate your sense of rejection because it basically has little, if anything, to do with you personally. You have tried to learn and tried to please her. You've done all you can and should be commended, not to mention you should be rewarded. LOL

What you and your wife need is a sex therapist. She probably won't agree because, again, she is uncomfortable and afraid and, therefore, probably too modest. But if you could, by some stroke of luck, talk her into it, it would do you both a world of good. She will learn how to let go and experience the release. You and she both will learn proper techniques and to explore each other. This is the reason I mentioned her not instructing you. She tells you it is too intense. That is normally due to your technique in the oral department. It can become too intense to endure, so I don't blame her for stopping. But she doesn't instruct you either. She just stops. This is because she does not know how to instruct you. She doesn't know what to tell you to do because ALL she knows is what you are doing, and that is too much to bear because it becomes too intense.

You said that when she stops because it is too intense, that you think she is just about to orgasm but stops and runs to the bathroom. She is not about to orgasm. She really wants you to stop because "too intense" is annoying. Don't take that personally. It only means you have to perfect your technique. Most men enjoy going down, but not all really know how to do it. The main thing is, they don't know how not to do it. If you concentrate too aggressively on her clitoris or if you continually flick your tongue back and forth on it, that gets way too intense and is irritating, so she just wants you to stop. After this being the outcome, it gets to the point that she feels there is really no use. 

Try changing your technique a little to focus less on her clitoris and more on the area just underneath it. Share time between the two areas. Then go back and forth. Just when you know without a doubt she is thoroughly aroused, then purse your lips as if to whistle and suck on her clitoris. Do that just for a moment, then stop and move back to directly underneath. Then suck on her clitoris again. Then stop. Then again. You will drive her over the edge. She will try to scoot out of from under you, but don't let her or move with her. She surely won't run to the bathroom. If she stops you to ask for intercourse, then you know she is afraid to orgasm. I don't expect she will ask because I think asking and running to the bathroom are done for the same reason, in that the "too intense" factor makes her think orgasm is unachievable. I tried not to be too graphic and hope you got the idea.


----------



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

So last night we had major success, although it took 1 hour of foreplay and 45 minutes of intercourse (alternating between oral / fingers / intercourse).

I don't think the problem is technique or bad experiences in the past; I think she just has a hard time relaxing and letting it happen. I went and got some flavored lube and went back and forth between intercourse and oral a few times and she really liked that. (I have a few "tricks" that I use that drive her wild.)

Anyway, she had the urge to urinate again, but since we both knew that she didn't, I told her to just go ahead and pee. I wasn't sure if she did at the time since the orgasm didn't happen very soon afterwards, but she told me afterwards that she didn't and just pushed past that feeling. Do you think if she has that urge that pushing as if she is urinating will help? I have a lot of energy and don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every moment (from the bath to the bedroom) but I'm not sure I can last that long every time, heh.

The scream she let out was worth every minute leading up to it, I loved it and just thinking about it makes me horny.

I think now as she gets used to the more intense feelings and learns what really sends her over the edge then we can bring it on faster and maybe multiple times. She did get dry very suddenly though, so maybe we'll think about multiples later on.

Thanks everyone for your advice!


----------



## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Hi Suppuku

see responses below yours

So last night we had major success, although it took 1 hour of foreplay and 45 minutes of intercourse (alternating between oral / fingers / intercourse).

Judith: I dont know if you know this or not but women need as much as foreplay as it occurs to be able to relax emotionally not just sexually/physically. loving sex I call it is longer than an hour-

I don't think the problem is technique or bad experiences in the past; I think she just has a hard time relaxing and letting it happen. 

Judith; Right technique & bad expereinces is not always it -but relaxing is key. She needs her mind focus on what is going on in sex and letting it happen and not fighting it. Just becuase she is ready physically doesn't mean she is ready emotionally. If she can't relax she wont get there 

I went and got some flavored lube and went back and forth between intercourse and oral a few times and she really liked that. (I have a few "tricks" that I use that drive her wild.)

Judith: Keep it up

Anyway, she had the urge to urinate again, but since we both knew that she didn't, I told her to just go ahead and pee. I wasn't sure if she did at the time since the orgasm didn't happen very soon afterwards, but she told me afterwards that she didn't and just pushed past that feeling. Do you think if she has that urge that pushing as if she is urinating will help?

Judith: Yes. 

I have a lot of energy and don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every moment (from the bath to the bedroom) but I'm not sure I can last that long every time, heh.

Judith: Are you aware of the fact that men need to learn control -ejaculation etc -she can help you with that

The scream she let out was worth every minute leading up to it, I loved it and just thinking about it makes me horny.

I think now as she gets used to the more intense feelings and learns what really sends her over the edge then we can bring it on faster and maybe multiple times. She did get dry very suddenly though, so maybe we'll think about multiples later on.
z
Judith: Women need more orgasms or whatever she feels she needs before you enter her. Part of that is to help her relax to enjoy the rest of it etc. 

Thanks everyone for your advice! 

Judith; Keep in touch in how she and you are doing-your welcome

Judtih


----------



## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Seppuku - I'm so happy for you! !!


----------



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

jmsclayton said:


> Judith: Are you aware of the fact that men need to learn control -ejaculation etc -she can help you with that


I do and I have been practicing, but it does have its limits. I usually don't last more than 30 minutes but the alternating between oral and intercourse helped stretch that out to about 45 minutes.


----------



## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Susan - I was going to suggest exactly what you said, that it could be too intense if he is focusing on her clit...I'd go on the side, above or below, not right on it, except to maybe suck on it. 

Seppuku - if my H lasts 5 min I am in heaven. The only time I've had a man last more than that, is if is under the influence, esp. alcohol. There was a guy in the 80's I'd see a few times, who'd be high on coke and he'd want me to tease him wearing high heels and outfits he bought me, while he masturbated - he would rub himself raw and get blisters on his peni$, and still not come for an eternity, if at all. And that is while he was super turned on living his fantasy....weird, don't know if he ever got clean. I don't know how you last so long- care to share your tricks?


----------



## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

Sara Ann said:


> Hmmm.. she doesn't masturbate, she doesn't want an orgasm, that is not normal.
> 
> Why are you minimizing your emotional pain, ie this is not important enough to warrant counseling? It sure is!!
> 
> ...


:smthumbup: Yea, she needs to go to counseling with you about this. Sex is a huge part of relationships and she can't continue to ignore you. Who is she to DISMISS you about anything?! You are her husband and you two are a team. I feel that there is something else beneath the surface going on with her. Most women would love to get their feelings out. Most would be impressed that their husband cares enough to see what she wants. Maybe she feels like you're only asking for your own benefit. I don't know. Regardless, counseling is needed. If she thinks it's no big deal, you tell her that it is. That just because she doesn't think it is, doesn't make it so. It's a big deal to you and that should be enough to make an effort. You both need to be putting each other first and it doesn't sound like that's the case.


----------



## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Seppuku

Seppuku said: I do and I have been practicing, but it does have its limits. I usually don't last more than 30 minutes but the alternating between oral and intercourse helped stretch that out to about 45 minutes.

She can help you to practice as well-How about breathing through your body and diaphragm. Practice breathing techniques and apply that to your practice of ejaculation control? It can be done-like the kantra technqiues? 

I know how to spell

How is it going? between you and her?

Judith


----------

