# Signed Settlement Papers



## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

My wife signed the marriage settlement papers with no issue today. As explained in previous posts, she asked for a divorce after having a second affair that resulted in pregnancy. She didn't ask me for anything except help with the car payment (which I own) and to continue supporting as son without court orders. We will file divorce papers later this year and execute in January to avoid a tax hit this year. Her baby will be born in January sometime.

Our son knows about his new half-sibling but he hasn't talked to me about it. He appears to be the same happy kid, which means he grew accustomed to me and my wife living separate lives in the same household for quite some time. I am sure he will ask more questions as he gets older.

I didn't expect her to have any issues with the agreement since she basically told me she doesn't deserve anything for screwing up so badly.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

In many states the legal husband of the mother is listed on the birth certificate as father by law. Have you spoken to a lawyer about what you need to do to get/ keep your name off the birth certificate?


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I think you might be surprised what life will be like without such a toxic person around. Just work on being the best you. Good luck.


----------



## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> In many states the legal husband of the mother is listed on the birth certificate as father by law. Have you spoken to a lawyer about what you need to do to get/ keep your name off the birth certificate?


The lawyer said the biological father can list his name on the birth certificate and that gets me off the hook. But if for some reason he won't or if my wife doesn't let him, then I am put into a position to prove paternity. By law a baby born during the marriage is considered mine but I don't need to pursue any legal action if the biological father and mother agree to both sign the certificate. 

What I don't know is if the law is in effect at the birth or at the conception. The due date and when our divorce may finalize are very close. My wife has said the other guy will sign the certificate but if he doesn't I need to be prepared for that. But with divorce already in process at the birth time, my wife will have already set up medical coverage to cover her and this other child since she will lose coverage under me once the divorce is finalized.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

knight185 said:


> The lawyer said the biological father can list his name on the birth certificate and that gets me off the hook. But if for some reason he won't or if my wife doesn't let him, then I am put into a position to prove paternity. By law a baby born during the marriage is considered mine but I don't need to pursue any legal action if the biological father and mother agree to both sign the certificate.
> 
> What I don't know is if the law is in effect at the birth or at the conception. The due date and when our divorce may finalize are very close. My wife has said the other guy will sign the certificate but if he doesn't I need to be prepared for that. But with divorce already in process at the birth time, my wife will have already set up medical coverage to cover her and this other child since she will lose coverage under me once the divorce is finalized.


And you would trust her word because?


----------



## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

sokillme said:


> I think you might be surprised what life will be like without such a toxic person around. Just work on being the best you. Good luck.


The emotions are up and done. I am upset that she is breaking up a family by her selfish actions but it also a relief because I no longer have to be worried about what she is doing or insecure about her spending time with someone else. For years she made me feel guilty about being insecure but only to find out that she was having affairs. And she always felt she could keep certain things private from me. I never agreed with that. As a husband and wife I believe that there should be no secrets and for her to flat out tell me she isn't going to tell me everything she is doing in her life, I knew she was cheating but couldn't prove it. I can't live with someone that has the kind of mindset. I have zero tolerance for drama and mind games. She only started keeping stuff from me when she started doing things she knew I didn't approve of. I had told her at one point to not get me involved with certain things that I thought were possible illegal, but I should have stood my ground because that basically gave her a license to do whatever the hell she wanted without the obligation to tell me anything. But my wife is a master manipulator and can very easily make you think it is your fault that she chose to take a particular course of action. Getting pregnant finally made her shut her mouth up for good.


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

I would file a demand for a DNA test even before the birth! Get it proven you ain't da daddy!
One little slip up could result in you being on the hook for a lot of money.
Talk to lawyers, several of them.


----------



## knight185 (Jan 9, 2013)

sokillme said:


> And you would trust her word because?


There are certain things I trust her with and certain things I don't. As soon as she found out she was pregnant she started setting up things to move out of our house into her own place and secure he own medical insurance. She said the baby's father would be listed on the birth certificate. My lawyer said my wife can list him as the father on the certificate, but he would also be allowed to challenge it if he wanted to (or they can both sign an affidavit about the paternity) He also did not suggest a paternity test just yet. He wanted to make sure I got a signed financial/property agreement first before dealing with paternity issues. He said right now if my wife is telling me that the other guy will be listed as the father, then it would be best not to force a pre-birth paternity test since I would be creating a problem where one does not exist. If things go sour later, I can request one at that time. Other lawyers may disagree but when it comes to this matter I do trust my wife to handle it properly. She may have cheated on me because she was unhappy but she never sucked me into any drama or made life hard otherwise (such as taking money, gossiping about me, etc.). She is actually dealing with more consequences than me and is very emotional. My attorney wanted to make sure I got my agreement signed before making any other hard requests of her. He said he has seen too many reasonable women turn and make the divorce a living hell when the husband starts making too many demands during a peaceful process. For example, she could apply for alimony pending final divorce decree. I don't need that headache.


----------



## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Ending up on that birth certificate could make alimony feel like a walk in the park.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

knight185 said:


> There are certain things I trust her with and certain things I don't. As soon as she found out she was pregnant she started setting up things to move out of our house into her own place and secure he own medical insurance. She said the baby's father would be listed on the birth certificate. My lawyer said my wife can list him as the father on the certificate, but he would also be allowed to challenge it if he wanted to (or they can both sign an affidavit about the paternity) He also did not suggest a paternity test just yet. He wanted to make sure I got a signed financial/property agreement first before dealing with paternity issues. He said right now if my wife is telling me that the other guy will be listed as the father, then it would be best not to force a pre-birth paternity test since I would be creating a problem where one does not exist. If things go sour later, I can request one at that time. Other lawyers may disagree but when it comes to this matter I do trust my wife to handle it properly. She may have cheated on me because she was unhappy but she never sucked me into any drama or made life hard otherwise (such as taking money, gossiping about me, etc.). She is actually dealing with more consequences than me and is very emotional. My attorney wanted to make sure I got my agreement signed before making any other hard requests of her. He said he has seen too many reasonable women turn and make the divorce a living hell when the husband starts making too many demands during a peaceful process. For example, she could apply for alimony pending final divorce decree. I don't need that headache.


And yet in the post before you wrote this.



> But my wife is a master manipulator and can very easily make you think it is your fault that she chose to take a particular course of action.


Hope you know what your doing. 25 years of child support for a kid that ain't yours is a long time. Personally sounds like you are being just as passive as you were when you said you let her do her thing and just not get you involved. Well that worked out well for you.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Get the paternity test done now. 
Don't wait, hoping other people have your best interests in mind.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Does your state allow a divorce to be finalized while she is pregnant? Many states won't finalize till then.


----------

