# Hey OCD people..need some advice for a limerance.



## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

So, I have a limerance.

Which is basically a debilitating obsession with an ex boyfriend, who doesn't want me back. 

Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

They think it has to do with OCD. I have never had OCD, but I do have anxiety disorder, depression, and anxious attachment pattern. I'm a bit too much like the Overly Attached Girlfriend. Though I do a little better job of hiding it than she does. 

So, if anyone out there who struggles with OCD, has any tips for me on dealing with intrusive thoughts, I would like to hear 'em. I'm a complete wreck.

I'm also dealing with my 17 year old, who hasn't spoken to me since Christmas, because I had to press charges against him for hurting his brother. And that tears me up, too. But to be honest, as bad as it may sound, my breakup with my boyfriend occupies 95% of my thoughts, and my situation with my son only about 5%. 

I've spent the last 3 months not sleeping, not being able to focus on school, avoiding places I might see him, not leaving the house much. Reading up on obsessive love and limerance on Psychology Today.com. I'm seeing a doc this week to get back on antidepressants after 2 years off. But I would like to know what else I can do to deal with this. Has anyone done accupuncture?


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## Morosa (Mar 3, 2014)

I struggle with excessive worry, negative thinking (ADHD, PTSD). I've tried a lot of things but once you're in it, its a lot harder to get out.

Some things I have tried is allowing the thoughts rather than trying to suppress them. The theory is to try to detach from them, don't focus on them just allow them. Eventually, choose the things you want to focus on. This is much easier said than done. I have a tendency to get completely lost in it lol. I guess you can try to imagine it as just riding the waves of madness, like a surfer. Or, maybe like rolling with the punches?

The quickest/easiest thing for me is to simply force myself to do something that will take some energy away from my mind for physical energy (like cleaning, exercise, dancing). Also, socializing with some friends to get yourself laughing and release some tension.

To me, it just seems like I get into a negative cycle that just keeps spiraling downhill. The only way to turn it around is to get into a positive cycle of thinking. Its easier to turn things around by trying to recognize when you're starting to fall into a negative cycle.

Since you're already there just keep thinking of the good things in life. Give it some time and you'll push through!


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## Morosa (Mar 3, 2014)

Also, try writing it down. I know it sounds silly but it helps me so much. I write down everything I'm thinking and then I feel like there is no need to think about it anymore because its all in my notebook!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I've struggled with OCD since I was in my early 20's, and let me tell you, it doesn't ever truly go away. It can be controlled, for sure, but it's always "there".

To tell you the truth, I couldn't even begin to tell you where mine came from. I hadn't had anything truly traumatic happen to me at that age, other than a longtime gf break up with me.

Mine was never so bad that I couldn't leave the house, or keep me from doing things, but it did make me late, it did irritate me to no end, and it did consume my mind when I wasn't keeping busy.

In terms of what you're going through being OCD, I'm not so sure. All those things are interconnected and symbiotic, so it's entirely possible. Obsessive thoughts are obsessive thoughts, though the manifestations tend to be different based on the varying diagnoses.

So, if it's bad enough that somebody could get hurt (ie. you, or your ex), then seek help immediately.

I would also likely tell your ex what you've been diagnosed with, and apologize. At the very least, so he's aware. It won't excuse or justify anything you may throw at him in the meantime, or afterwards, but at least he'd have a heads up. Hell, if he's cool about it, maybe even see if he'll help you.

I still have obsessive thoughts about my ex wife from time to time. Actually very rarely, and certainly nothing that I (or anybody else) should be worried about. To me, I was never granted any sort of closure - which is true. Everything I lived through turned out to be a lie, and that's all I know. Everything else I have was pieced together or picked up here and there. I truly believe that if she and I were to ever sit down for a couple of hours and have her tell me everything, my brain would be clear and I could move on.

No matter how happy I am with my current life (and I am), every few months something will trigger me, and I will get "stuck" for a day, or two, or three. I work by myself, so I have FAR too much time to think about things, and that is also another problem.

If you find yourself alone a lot of the time by circumstance, or work, or whatever, then make the point of being around people - preferably people you're not going to talk about your ex with.

Getting rid of OCD (as much as one can actually get rid of it) is as easy as taking yourself out of the situations that trigger it. Start there.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Learn to whistle! Continuous loop thinking has always been an issue for me, I have tried many, many different technics to calm my brain and nothing works, BUT....whistling. I know it sounds silly and honestly it only works for a minute before you go right back to thinking but if you can string those moments and minutes together it helps. And whistling also seems to perk my mood a bit which also helps. It's kind of forced therapy though, you have to tell yourself to whistle or you will just keep thinking and thinking. Give it a try.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I was a germaphobe. Lots of handwashing, etc and it surfaced in a big way when we started having kids. Obsessive thoughts.

Looking back (at least 12 years since addressing it fairly convincingly), I think it was partly a (very poor) coping strategy whereby I tried to control something about my otherwise spiraling life.

Starting SSRIs was a godsend. Really took the edge off and reduced the stress that fueled my thoughts. 

More lately I am in IC, dealing with other issues. None OCD related.


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