# Surviving a marriage seperation r



## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

Hey guys, I've been married for about 6 years I'm 31 years old and two weeks ago my wife came home saying she wanted to seperate for a while to find "ourselves". She's currently in medical school and started about 6 months ago. I think that played a huge factor in where we are now. She says she doesn't know who she is right now or what she wants. But knows that the way things have been going with our marriage is taking a huge toll on her. We both haven't been very happy for a couple years sort of up and down with our marriage. I want to get help and take small steps to try and fix this but she isn't ready yet. I'm really struggling to keep my daily routine day after day without her. I guess I'm just looking for other guys out there who are going through something similar or have gone through this. And no there isn't any cheating going or anything else major like that so it's just a case of us letting our marriage get into this negative hole and the loss of communication and similar interests. 

To make things even harder we are both in a wedding together for some good friends of ours in about 4 weeks. We've agreed that we not my still need to honor our commitment to our friends and be in the wedding for them. But it's going to be soooo hard. Any tips, advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

No kids, right?

Do the 180. Stop trying to talk to her or pursue her.

Take the time apart to work on becoming a better person.

If you're paying any of her bills, stop.

Give her the gift of missing you.

At the wedding, be friendly, polite, and distant. Then leave as quickly as you can after the ceremony is over.

Stating that there is no cheating 'or anything else major' without having done any investigation to make 100% sure of this seems poorly thought out on your part. You might want to put some effort into being sure about this.


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

Yes no kids. As for the wedding it's out of town. I'm going a couple days early with family and friends she isn't going to be there until about 3 hours before the cerimony. With that said the whole wedding party and most if the guests are all staying at the same hotel, I'll be in a room with some buddies and she'll be in a room with a couple other women who are part of the wedding. I can't leave after the cerimony.

I want her to see that I'm doing fine and working on myself but then again I don't want her to think I don't care about her or our marriage.


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## quiesedba (Apr 19, 2015)

find a new one there are billions of them


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Ya know, I've seen a lot of coupes go through the yo-yo relationships for a long time and it just gets worse and worse. Unless you can shore this thing up soon, probably best to end it and look forward- because now you're stuck in limbo. If the two of you are meant to be, it will happen. But let things go, let her know you hope if it's right for you two, then maybe some day...


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## Muse1976 (Apr 25, 2015)

1. Trust but verify. 
2. Start the 180.
3. Cut any and all financial support. 
4. Start focusing on you. Improve yourself. 
5. Know that you can't "nice" her back. 
6. Set healthy boundaries for yourself. 
7. Realize that this is her decision. This means that at some point you need to determine when and if she faces the consequences. Aka - don't let yourself live in limbo or be yo-yoed back and forth. 
8. If you talk at the wedding, let her know you still care and want the marriage, but you are going to give her plenty of space. 


Sorry you are here.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Start 180.


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

Sorry your here but your not alone and your story is all to familiar. The advice you have received so far is spot on. Do the 180 but for yourself. 

From your description the marriage was on life support anyway so don't hold on to feelings of what it should have been, could have been or might be. A marriage takes two people 100% committed to working on there marriage everyday. She's already checked out. If its over then let it be over. To be honest and from the experiences here, once a married couple formally separates for any length of time its just prolonging the inevitable. 

No kids and only 6 years in. Let it go. People grow and change. If they don't grow and change together then they grow apart. That means your not the same people that married those years ago. That is fact not failure. My advice is get out while you can. 

Be pleasant, confident and have a great time at the wedding. Do not concern yourself with your STBXW as its as waste of your time, energy and emotions. 

Just look at this marriage as a learning experience that you can use to pick a more suitable partner in the future. Get out now before it gets really ugly.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

I cannot add anything that is not already mentioned. This separation is for her, not for you.


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

Thanks for the advice. I know plenty if people that go through short and long term seperation and come out with a stronger marriage in the end. But then I also know people where it went to divorce. It's hard right now to know if I want to keep giving her space and work on me and potentially we'll work on our marriage or if I should just let it go. The wedding I talked about is about 4 weeks away I'm thinking after the wedding weekend is over I may have to suck it up and just flat out ask what she is thinking and what she thinks she and we are getting out if this seperation. People keep telling me that it's only been a couple weeks so give it time and work on myself but it's just hard.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

MrPack said:


> Hey guys, I've been married for about 6 years I'm 31 years old and two weeks ago my wife came home saying she wanted to seperate for a while to find "ourselves".


Many of us have heard that line. Usually combined with ILYBNILWY. 



MrPack said:


> She's currently in medical school and started about 6 months ago. I think that played a huge factor in where we are now.


I agree. And the reason I agree has nothing to do with her bettering herself or gaining an education. It's about the time away from you, new dynamic, and her new surroundings increasing her curiosity and her entertaining the thought that the grass might be greener. 



MrPack said:


> She says she doesn't know who she is right now or what she wants.


Believe her. This is likely very true. We refer to it here as the fog. And there is usually another word in front of "fog", but not always. 



MrPack said:


> But knows that the way things have been going with our marriage is taking a huge toll on her. We both haven't been very happy for a couple years sort of up and down with our marriage.


That is natural. Rarely is a LTR smooth sailing. Waves and storms can be and are weathered by many daily - if faced head on as a team. Currently she is NOT committed to the team and has told you so. Especially during stormy times, it's work together or sink. 



MrPack said:


> I want to get help and take small steps to try and fix this but she isn't ready yet.


No, she isn't, and has been honest about that. Believe her. At the moment, there is very little YOU can do for the relationship. So instead, you need to focus on YOU. 180.




MrPack said:


> I'm really struggling to keep my daily routine day after day without her.


Of course you are, and that BLOWS! I know. So THAT is where you need to focus. Your day to day, your routine - specifically without her. Practice. Throw new things in to mix it up. Work on a hobby. Go to the gym. Time with the guys. Things that are about you and not her. 




MrPack said:


> And no there isn't any cheating going or anything else major like that


You knew that possibility would be pointed out. Why? Because it IS the case more often than we'd like to see or admit. Nobody here can tell you for sure that there IS cheating going on. Likewise, unless you have truly investigated that possibility (and it is possible) you can't tell us, and more importantly yourself, that it is not.

One last thing - YES, something major most definitely is going on. 

Your wife is not just contemplating life without you, but considering it. 

That is huge. Cheating or none. 

Tips - accept that fact. 
Accept that her level of involvement is up to her.
Accept that any pressure from you will backfire.
Let yourself feel this pain, but don't mope. 
Investigate (trust but verify).
If you do find anything, don't disclose that yet.
Work on yourself, for yourself.


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

I have done some investigating regarding cheating, I feel terrible but I've looked at phone records and the only calls/texts going through are to her school friends all of whome are either women or guys that I've met who have girlfriends or wives and not to sound like I'm tooting my own horn but they are no where in her league or mine. With that said of course I cannot fully know whats goin on with her day to day life right now but I also feel like if I continue to worry about that its only going to make things harder on me as far as moving forward and working on myself. So are you guys saying I should jsut totally leave her alone, dont text call or email unless she initiates it? I konw the more I pressure her right now the more it'll push her away.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Cheaters often "affair down" - pick an affair partner in a league below them. Someone who will look up at them, etc. That doesn't mean your wife is cheating - she very well may not be. However, the longer you allow yourself to be in limbo, the higher that risk. 

You can not control her level of involvement in the marriage. But you can control your level of tolerance. 
Are you OK with separating, knowing that if you do she very well may see someone else?
That should be answered before you work on any logistics. Then:
If you do separate, will you pay her to leave you (support her financially during)?
If so, for how long?

Here is the 180 list. 
The 180 | AFFAIRCARE


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Are the rules for separation no dating/sex with other people?

Everything hinges on that answer.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

marduk said:


> Are the rules for separation no dating/sex with other people?
> 
> Everything hinges on that answer.


HOW she answers, yes. 

FWIW, I'm no fan of separation as, once separated, how would one know?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

zillard said:


> HOW she answers, yes.
> 
> FWIW, I'm no fan of separation as, once separated, how would one know?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Since she set the rules for separation, she's already thought about it.

She either:
1. explictly said she'd start to see other people
2. explicity said she wouldn't
3. didnt' say anything, which I would assume equivalent to #1 unless you want to ask her.

When my wife left me, it was path 3. I assumed since we didn't discuss it, and were still 'working on it' that it meant no other guys.

Until she took off for a weekend with another guy and I got mad about it. I still remember that email.

"We're separated. You need to get used to it."


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

marduk said:


> Since she set the rules for separation, she's already thought about it.
> 
> She either:
> 1. explictly said she'd start to see other people
> ...


Fun, huh?

I got #3 by way of "I don't know", which I took as a #1 and filed.


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## shorton (Nov 21, 2014)

Some good other responses, but let me provide perhaps a different insight, since I am troubled by something similar in my marriage: you say that she is working on medical school? That's a pretty heavy duty experience, in fact, some of those programs are so stressful that they are soul changing. If you are not fully 'in', meaning fully engaged in supporting her through the process, she will likely be changed by the experience in such a way that you are left behind. Its not so much that she will have upgraded herself beyond you, but rather, she will have gone through a traumatic experience that she will not have shared with you, and she will begin to believe that you cannot understand (unless you have been to medical school too). I am not a doctor, but have a high stress career, and when the support is not there or not what it feels like it needs to be, its easy for the relationship to fall apart.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

You need to do some snooping because... IF she is entertaining thoughts of someone else and follows through, 1-you may be 100% through with her or 2-

you may still want to save the M. A lot hinges on this. Asking her point blank may get you the answer but be wary.... if they are in the "fog" they will lie

to you, almost every time. Just work on yourself and give her all the space she wants. If she wants to get in contact with you, she knows how.

But I would recommend if she does move out, you may very well deem this as the death blow to the M. Let her know there are consequences.

As Zillard stated, moving out is a strong indication there is someone else. When my XW started coming home on the weekends but not during the week 

(this lasted 3-4 weeks), it gave me the time to detach and I decided "walking out on the M was enough for me to say, it is over."

When she returned home every night straight from work, she would chatterbox me about everything.... but the M. That was all I

wanted to hear about, the rest was garbage. Halfway through the 60 day wait for D, I left a non-negotiable on coffee table.

Two weeks before D final, I made her show her hand. It was what I thought it to be... and it nailed the coffin shut.

Do I know if she ever cheated, no I don't but walking out on me.... was the ultimate betrayal. 

Check out these links and if you have questions about snooping (tech) view Weightlifters thread.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

Right now I am still paying our bills as in cell phone and car insurance. I stayed in the house she's staying at her moms. It's been almost 2 weeks so I think it's to early for me to go the route of totally cutting her off. But how long do I wait before I finally ask what are we doing? Where is this going? I keep hearing that I should give her the space right now but then I'm hearing that I need to flat out ask her if there's anyone else she's seeing? I don't know what to do.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Talking about separation rules - dating or not - is something to do before actually separating. If you two did not, I'd assume the above #1. 

I would not initiate any talks about relationship. Has she during this 2 weeks? 
I would not reach out to her mother, even though it might be tempting.
I would not ask if she's seeing anyone.
I would assume she is and proceed accordingly. 

Has she offered YOU any peace of mind, re dating around or not?

What are WE doing? No. What is MrPack doing?
Where is THIS going? No. Where is MrPack going?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Mr. Pack..... Zillard has a massive thread detailing his D. There are several "titans" of TAM on there, Conrad, HM64, Three Strikes, Mavish.

It is a "how to" guide to dealing with a divorce.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/60683-what-do-i-dont-know.html


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Right now there is no "we". 

She told you she isn't sure if she wants to be in the boat, but is hoping you'll just tie the boat to the dock and hang out. Waiting for her until she decides she's through swimming through whatever it is she is swimming through. 

If you sit there and keep yelling to her, "Are ya done yet!?" all you'll be doing is comforting her at your own expense. She'll know you're still there and will keep swimming as long as she wants. 

Don't be her lighthouse. Get out of the boat and go shoot some pool, play some darts. IF she comes and finds you, THEN you can both talk about getting back in the boat. If she doesn't, well, you still enjoyed playing darts instead of going hoarse shouting out to sea.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

MrPack said:


> So are you guys saying I should jsut totally leave her alone, dont text call or email unless she initiates it? I konw the more I pressure her right now the more it'll push her away.


Yes. Tell her to let you know when she's found herself and you'll let her know if you're still interested.

Then, Go Dark.


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

zillard said:


> Right now there is no "we".
> 
> She told you she isn't sure if she wants to be in the boat, but is hoping you'll just tie the boat to the dock and hang out. Waiting for her until she decides she's through swimming through whatever it is she is swimming through.
> 
> ...



Thanks Zillard, what you said makes complete sense. I do not want to push her away so I guess I'll just keep doing me for right now and see what happens.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

MrPack said:


> But how long do I wait before I finally ask what are we doing? Where is this going?


Clarify the rules about fvcking other people.

Then, tell her what YOU are doing.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

MrPack said:


> Right now I am still paying our bills as in cell phone and car insurance. I stayed in the house she's staying at her moms. It's been almost 2 weeks so I think it's to early for me to go the route of totally cutting her off. But how long do I wait before I finally ask what are we doing? Where is this going? I keep hearing that I should give her the space right now but then I'm hearing that I need to flat out ask her if there's anyone else she's seeing? I don't know what to do.


Ask her now, today, what separation means to her.

Does it mean: That we can see/be romantic/have sex with other people? Or not? 

It's a simple question. It's your life she's ****ing with. You deserve an answer to it.


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## Muse1976 (Apr 25, 2015)

marduk said:


> Ask her now, today, what separation means to her.
> 
> Does it mean: That we can see/be romantic/have sex with other people? Or not?
> 
> It's a simple question. It's your life she's ****ing with. You deserve an answer to it.


OP, 

My original response on the first page can be disregard if the answer to the following question is yes. 

"Does it mean: That we can see/be romantic/have sex with other people? Or not?" 

1. Find a good lawyer and file divorce asap. 
2. Cut all financial support. 
3. HARD 180.
4. Improve your self and have fun with life. 
5. Set health boundaries. 


A separation is usually a prelude to a divorce anyways.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

MrPack
Some of the key components of going NC / 180 is for your sanity... and growth. You will rediscover a lot of things about yourself you forgot while in the M.

Hang with guys, join the gym.... trust me it will not be long before you run into 2-3 other guys who are in the same boat as you.

Go out, have a beer, talk about exs (just not the STBXW). See... if she realizes you are not waiting for her, she will get curious. It will

gnaw at her that you are out having a blast, without her. Don't "date" women but interact with them. She will not have to see you with other women

to notice this. Since she has already moved out... you need to just take it for granted she is wanting to see others. Like Z said,

she offered you no reassurance she was not going to. Since she did not say a thing, if she does date other men, she did not lie....

she didn't say she was not going to see others.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Okay.... she comes around in 60 days. He asks her if she dated / slept with any guy. She replies 'of course not.' But his gut screams it is a lie. 

That is why seeing if there is a posOM as early as possible is critical


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

I have looked at cell phone records and see nothing out of the ordinary as far as texts or calls but she has an iPhone so she could be sending imessages which do not show up on the phone log they just use data. Is there a way to see who she is texting via imessage???


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

intheory said:


> Mr. Pack,
> 
> Your wife is going to medical school.
> 
> ...


Yes she does have student loans, I did not co-sign for those fortunately. She does have a part time job at the Medical school as a TA and office assistant, doesnt pay much but its something. Right now there are things I'm still paying for outside of med school such as car insurance and our cell phones. She moved out to her moms so I'm still in our house which is under my name and I pay for. This separation is still new so I'm not ready to totally cut her off. But I know that at some point in the near future I need to have that talk with her. She said she needed time and to be honest I feel like I need this time as well as hard as that is to say. So I am giving her time and space as best I can until I get to that breaking point of needing to make some decisions regarding waht I want for MYSELF and what I want regarding our marriage.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

"Need time" could be code for "I want out of the marriage but if I tell you that, you're going to be hurt, so please go away, leave me alone and maybe, with any luck, you'll forget about wanting me back".

My point is that you should start preparing for the worst. There is no avoiding the pain but you can certainly take steps to help mitigate its impact on your life.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

MrPack said:


> Yes she does have student loans, I did not co-sign for those fortunately. She does have a part time job at the Medical school as a TA and office assistant, doesnt pay much but its something. Right now there are things I'm still paying for outside of med school such as car insurance and our cell phones. She moved out to her moms so I'm still in our house which is under my name and I pay for. This separation is still new so I'm not ready to totally cut her off. But I know that at some point in the near future I need to have that talk with her. She said she needed time and to be honest I feel like I need this time as well as hard as that is to say. So I am giving her time and space as best I can until I get to that breaking point of needing to make some decisions regarding waht I want for MYSELF and what I want regarding our marriage.


That sounds fairly ideal from a financial perspective. Your support is minimal and if/when insurance and phone is separated the impact won't be bad. 

That conversation should happen eventually if separation continues, but I'd stick to business and not feelings. In the meantime I suggest consulting with a lawyer to prepare yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

The fact that she is in medical school makes it very difficult for you to have a quick resolution. Unfortunately, medical school is followed by a three-year medical residency, which is even more time consuming, followed often by another 1 - 3 years of residency to become a specialist. This life-style is even difficult for healthy marriages to overcome. 

I don't think that she'll have the time, energy, or commitment to work through the difficult marriage problems you and her have.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

WELL DONE ZILLARD. Reread everything he said. Memorize it. Live it.
Im head of 007 here. Not sure how to take your case. She could be cheating. Flip a coin really.
1) EXPLICITLY set the separation rules NOW. It will tell you volumes on her real plans.
2) UH "only texting people I know" Cough, Posters RDMU, RTBP, BFF... Dude it would be FAR FROM the first friend affair. Not a red flag per se, just your green flag is not really a green flag.
3) Has she done any of the following?
a) I love you but im not in love with you
b) Dresses better/ Lost weight
c) Guarded phone while together.
d) New Passwords everywhere.
e) Unexplained time or sudden need to help sick friends.

If not. May just be a walk away wife. Maybe sex with a hockey team. No real feel.
Im not saying she is in affair. you have one major red flag. The rewriting history leading to separation. You however have NO green flags. Friends fvck their friends wives every day.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

MrP,

Your only hope is radical honesty. From what I've seen on this thread that isn't your strength. 

You might want to decide what's more important - managing your sense of self - or getting to the best possible outcome. 

You should have a pretty good sense of why she left. Did she create conflict so she could leave, or not? If she did, there is someone else. If she didn't, there likely isn't.

Only you know that...





MrPack said:


> Yes she does have student loans, I did not co-sign for those fortunately. She does have a part time job at the Medical school as a TA and office assistant, doesnt pay much but its something. Right now there are things I'm still paying for outside of med school such as car insurance and our cell phones. She moved out to her moms so I'm still in our house which is under my name and I pay for. This separation is still new so I'm not ready to totally cut her off. But I know that at some point in the near future I need to have that talk with her. She said she needed time and to be honest I feel like I need this time as well as hard as that is to say. So I am giving her time and space as best I can until I get to that breaking point of needing to make some decisions regarding waht I want for MYSELF and what I want regarding our marriage.


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

-I didnt get the I love you but I'm not in love with you.
-She wasnt dressing better or loosing weight.
-Never guarded her phone, in fact days before she said she wanted a separation she asked me to look up a number in her phone cause she was in the other room. We both always knew eachothers passwords.
-Cant think of any unexplained times away, she had lots of study groups at our freakin house and some at school. I would even stop by her study group at school from time to time to drop off food or say hi (i grew to become friends with some of her study group).

The only real thing i'm seeing now as I look back is that we literally never had anytime to ourselves and when we did it was always spent with our friends or family together cause there was always something going on like someones birthday or some holiday. I'm not sayng she wasnt cheating or isnt seeing someone right now I'm just saying that I'm not finding much evidence of that. But I could certainly be wrong.

I did notice as she got deeper into med school she started changing her views on religion, views on life, uncertainty of the future as far as wanting kids, stopped wanting to do little things that used to make her happy (stuff as dumb as tv shows, movies, going to dinner with our friends/family). She literally ONLY thought about school and her next exam. She would study Saturday mornings at a coffee shop and ask me to come with her cause she gets too distracted at the house. I of course not reading the signs refused to go sit at a coffee shop for hours while she studied (looking back now I wish I would have taken her up on the offers). 

I have my first visit with a counselor on my own tonight hopefully he can shed some light on what to make of the mess I'm in. 

But I would also like to thank all of you for taking the time to help me out. I'm greatful I found this site. Thanks everyone.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

It is extremely common for people in the med field (mainly meaning med school) to question God and religion.

In the medical field and for that matter any other field where people study past a masters

degree, the % of agnostics rise dramatically.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

MrP,

Gaping holes:
- You share your age but not your wife's age - that's quite an unusual omission and I'm guessing theres a reason you chose not to share it. 
- You say that neither of you were all that happy in the last 2 years. But say absolutely nothing about why. You dont have kids, so it was clearly caused by issues between the two of you. But you have not said a word about what those issues were. 

You can't really expect a lot of help when you omit even an outline of the situation. 





MrPack said:


> -I didnt get the I love you but I'm not in love with you.
> -She wasnt dressing better or loosing weight.
> -Never guarded her phone, in fact days before she said she wanted a separation she asked me to look up a number in her phone cause she was in the other room. We both always knew eachothers passwords.
> -Cant think of any unexplained times away, she had lots of study groups at our freakin house and some at school. I would even stop by her study group at school from time to time to drop off food or say hi (i grew to become friends with some of her study group).
> ...


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

MEM11363 said:


> MrP,
> 
> Gaping holes:
> - You share your age but not your wife's age - that's quite an unusual omission and I'm guessing theres a reason you chose not to share it.
> ...


I thought I said her age at the beginning but I guess not, shes 29, nothing to hide there. As far as us not being 100% happy for the past couple years I'm still trying to figure that all out. I just know that she was always busy with school and I was always busy with my career so there was resentment on both ends. I would say that we had a VERY up and down sex life, great for a few months at a time then slowed way down. That's coming from her and I. Weve struggled financially for years so that was always an issue. I suffer from anxiety and it can be quite debilitating at times not wanting to go out and do new things. When I'm struggling with my anxiety I become somewhat of a home body. We've gone back and forth in regards to when or if we will have kids. I've always wanted kids but was wiling to wait, she kept putting it off and now is to the point where she doesn't even know if she wants kids.

Sorry I'm normally a very private person, this whole sharing thing is new to me. But I also understand I cant get much help unless I open up. I'm not trying to hide anything I just didn't know where to start I guess.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Well done. I sincerely mean that. 

I get that this is awkward for some people. You will find the folks here want to help you. And that we ummm - ALL - have quirks and mostly accept that as normal. 

The anxiety thing - I used to suffer from that. Very draining.

I think your wife was asking you to study with her at Starbucks as a gauge of just how home 'bound' you were. I think she drew a strong and frightening conclusion from your choice not to join her.

I'm not taking her side at all. Just explaining that she might have taken that choice - extrapolated it into the future and freaked out at the idea that you might become more and more unwilling to go out with her. 

People who are tense and tired tend to amplify issues. Med school leaves most folks tense and tired....




MrPack said:


> I thought I said her age at the beginning but I guess not, shes 29, nothing to hide there. As far as us not being 100% happy for the past couple years I'm still trying to figure that all out. I just know that she was always busy with school and I was always busy with my career so there was resentment on both ends. I would say that we had a VERY up and down sex life, great for a few months at a time then slowed way down. That's coming from her and I. Weve struggled financially for years so that was always an issue. I suffer from anxiety and it can be quite debilitating at times not wanting to go out and do new things. When I'm struggling with my anxiety I become somewhat of a home body. We've gone back and forth in regards to when or if we will have kids. I've always wanted kids but was wiling to wait, she kept putting it off and now is to the point where she doesn't even know if she wants kids.
> 
> Sorry I'm normally a very private person, this whole sharing thing is new to me. But I also understand I cant get much help unless I open up. I'm not trying to hide anything I just didn't know where to start I guess.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Medical school is a whole other planet.. alien to most people who haven't experienced it.

My guess w/the study request is she wanted you to share a bit of her experience... and spend some time with you. You should have said yes.

And yes, she will be meeting 'likeminded' men in her class that she may feel a kindred connection to. It's normal to bond with classmates in the med school environment. So you need to be doing things to support her and maintain the bond.

May I ask what you do? Are you also a professional?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Best estimate is walk away wife.

You have exactly one big red flag.

Could be affair but lacking another red flag, going 007 seems overboard.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Set the dating rules now. Don't be blindsided.


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## SilkyMamba (Nov 9, 2016)

With the money you save being separated from her treat yourself to a therapeutic body massage atleast once a week it's a great way to de-stress and far better than all those counselling sessions you will be advised to take. Legally speaking she should be paying for it after all wasn't she the one that cheated and blew up the marriage? If you think I'm kidding then talk to health proffessionals about touch therapy.


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