# Spouse with HSDD...How to cope?



## SCpuzzle (Nov 2, 2014)

My wife and I have been married for 10 yrs...both of us have been married before. Everything about our marriage is perfect except her passion to make love. She has just recently told me she has no interest in the act of sex but still loves the affection we do have in passing kisses....back rubs...light touching but nothing turns her on. She has even went as far as telling me that if I want to have sex with someone else it was ok with her. She loves me and our family but the sex act is not important to her and she knows it's something that I need. Keep in mind she has been diagnosed with PTSD and has been struggling with chronic depression. Do I take her up on the offer to find sex elsewhere so we can keep our marriage together and our wonderful family? She is my world and it is driving me insane trying to figure out what to do. I read a lot of information about HSDD and I am sure that is what she has. Some couples do the "open marriage" and is fine with it. I spoke to her about it and she thinks she would be fine with me doing that and that she has no interest in anyone but me and that I would be the only one she has sex with when and if she gets in the mood. Please give your input..Thanks!


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## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

I'm not sure having sex with someone else is the answer. 

Here are my reasons why...

1. She could use this against you in the future

2. Having sex with some else could lead to having an emotional connection with this person which in turn could reduce the love you have for your wife.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Meli is quite right. On the other hand, it is a possible solution and need not have negative consequences. You know the nature, quality, and depth of your relationship, and may be able to honestly evaluate the chances of a problematic outcome - if you can be honest with yourself.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

wait, who diagnosed her with HSDD? 

if she has any fantasies, or gets in the mood once a month, then i doubt she has HSDD. 

here is the funny thing about low drive... if a low drive spouse makes an effort to get turned on and have sex with their spouse, their drive often starts to get better. it makes sense. focus more attention on getting turned on and over time it gets easier to get in the mood. my wife was low drive, "once a month(or two) is enough", until i decided that i wouldnt live that way anymore. nowadays we have sex nearly every day.

if she refuses to meet your needs, then i would suggest you stop with the intimacy all together. ie, no back rubs, no kissing, no hugs. those are the things that tell her that you love her. problem is, if your a normal, healthy male, its going to turn you on. so, its not a good fit for you. tell her that she will get those things when she shows YOU that she loves you. in the language YOU understand. in a way that YOU feel loved. 


because lets face it, the minute you start getting your needs met by someone else, your going to start falling in love with them and your not going to want to meet her needs anyway. might as well get her to start addressing these issues BEFORE you go down that road.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

What is HSDD?


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Get her to put it in writing and sign it. Then have at it. She will either breathe a sigh of relief or change her mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

frusdil said:


> What is HSDD?


Hypoactive sexual desire disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## happylightgirl (Nov 2, 2014)

Depression can cause a low sex drive. Is she treated for that? PTSD can also cause issues. Have her other issues been addressed, and have her hormone levels been checked. 

I agree with several other statements about a sexual relationship with another also bringing on an emotional connection, but I have no experience. 

Perhaps work on making sure she is healthy, and it may help.


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