# Being a lady?



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
This is just random musing. We hear talk about someone being a "real gentleman" - usually a positive comment with well understood implications. Being a "man" isn't always considered positive since it can be sexist, but it usually is positive. 

What about being a "lady", or being "ladylike" - they don't seem to have the same positive connotations. Or at least they only seem positive in older women, whereas even a young man being a "gentleman" is positive. 

"ladylike" seems to me to imply an archaic frailness that is not broadly desirable in the modern world. 

Maybe I just have a strange view and other people don't get the same reaction to the words. 

What are the attributes of a lady? What sort of positive images should be associated with the concept. What words?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

What being a lady means to me:

Be kind, gentle, good manners, knows how to care for my home. How to care for visitors. Behave respectful. Know when to break balls and kick ass. Don't let anyone take advantage of me.

I also, love high tea.

But my husband loves the other me, in the bedroom.


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## Tango in Triple Time (Jul 14, 2015)

I think of ladies as being strong and independent and graceful, thus be called ladylike is a great compliment to me. Not sure I've ever heard a woman that didn't appreciate being called ladylike.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Ladylike qualities have historically been defined by the etiquette standards set by the upper social classes of the time. Thankfully, that's not the case in the modern world. 

I define "ladylike" as showing respect towards others, having respect for oneself, and being a genuine person.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My H never uses the word ladylike or lady as a preference. He uses the word classy. And he says I meet that mark very well.


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## Sure that could work (Jun 9, 2015)

Ladylike to me brings to mind the Victorian lady in her long dress or the lady of the 1960s in her dress, heels, and hose doing housework. LOL

Ladylike in this day and age means being strong and independent but feminine. Instead of coming in with all guns blasting the lady uses a cool sarcastic approach. A lady likes doors held open, chairs held and pushed, and to be seated before the men. Or a lady is someone the not so ladylike woman hands her purse to as she takes off to cure the world of crap. The lady thing is so subjective, all in the eyes of the beholder.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Ha, when I was about 8 my dad had to bring me to work with him which meant I had to wear a dress and maryjanes. The only thing I remember is him introducing me to a woman who smiled at me and said what a little lady I was. My father squeezed my hand and quickly excused us. Once in his office he said "I bet you wanted to clobber her for that lady remark eh?" 

For some reason being called a lady still has the same negative connotation to me. It feels limiting and disingenuous. 

I'm no lady, I'm a wife!


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

Being a lady, in my mind, is the same thing as being a gentleman.

Good manners...saying please and thank you...being considerate of others...not interrupting...being attentive...caring about others before yourself, etc.

My mom was a Brit and we also had to eat properly at the dinner table. We weren't allowed to hover over our food and shovel in our faces. Dinner was supposed to be relaxing and slow. If we lapsed into animal behavior and started talking with our mouths full or cramming food in...my mother would tap her fork on the table and tell us to be "ladies."

However, no matter what I do, my girls ram food in their mouths at the table and laugh at me when I tell them to sit up and tell them that "their food is already dead and not going anywhere so no need to rush".....drives me crazy.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

No showing your underwear, no spitting, no burping, farting, cussing, laughing too loud, etc... Climbing trees is out, as is jumping off swings, or jumping off anything. 

I still hear parents teaching their daughters to be ladylike. Which is this gender-nuetralizing world is probably a good thing.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

A lady will not ask you to "Pull her finger".


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

As a side note, those victorian ladies were tougher than the most tat'd up, Harley riding chick today. A typical one would lose half her siblings growing up, have ten kids and bury half of them, and run a household without the aid of any machines or communications. And that's just the start of it...


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

I ride a Harley, play golf, garden, raise bees, shoot guns, have a very professional and demanding job, yet I am very feminine, wear makeup and perfume, have manners and, being the good southern girl I am, know the right time to look someone square in eye and say "bless your little heart".....

I am very much a lady.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
my wife hates the term "wife" thinks it has implications of being a housewife. She wants to be called a "spouse". 



Anon Pink said:


> Ha, when I was about 8 my dad had to bring me to work with him which meant I had to wear a dress and maryjanes. The only thing I remember is him introducing me to a woman who smiled at me and said what a little lady I was. My father squeezed my hand and quickly excused us. Once in his office he said "I bet you wanted to clobber her for that lady remark eh?"
> 
> For some reason being called a lady still has the same negative connotation to me. It feels limiting and disingenuous.
> 
> I'm no lady, I'm a wife!


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

SunnyT said:


> No showing your underwear, no spitting, no burping, farting, cussing, laughing too loud, etc... Climbing trees is out, as is jumping off swings, or jumping off anything.


Whew...For a second there, I was worried you were going to count "playing in the mud" as off limits....  

Papa's "little lady"....


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> No showing your underwear, no spitting, no burping, farting, cussing, laughing too loud, etc... *Climbing trees is out, as is jumping off swings, or jumping off anything.*


I'm guessing that what constitutes being a "lady" is probably pretty culturally specific. I would be very sad if being ladylike meant I couldn't climb trees or jump off swings. Luckily, I'm a Southern lady, so those bits are just fine.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I would rather be a broad than a lady any day.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I have always considered a lady as a woman that is polite and respectful of others and demands the same. She has a genuine concern for the safety of comfort of those around her. 

I guess in this day it's really just manners and courtesy. Which are the same things that mark a gentlemen. 

In public, i refer to my wife as Ms. "insert first name here", or ma'am. In private she is baby..among other names. I open doors, pull out chairs, show her deference. As my sons have also been taught to do.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Rowan said:


> I'm guessing that what constitutes being a "lady" is probably pretty culturally specific. I would be very sad if being ladylike meant I couldn't climb trees or jump off swings. Luckily, I'm a Southern lady, so those bits are just fine.



I think you are right. I'm a Yankee living in Texas. I also grew up right in the middle of 7 brothers... I don't think I made the "lady" cut. I can't count the times growing up that someone said, "that isn't very ladylike".


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Ha, when I was about 8 my dad had to bring me to work with him which meant I had to wear a dress and maryjanes. The only thing I remember is him introducing me to a woman who smiled at me and said what a little lady I was. My father squeezed my hand and quickly excused us. Once in his office he said "I bet you wanted to clobber her for that lady remark eh?"
> 
> For some reason being called a lady still has the same negative connotation to me. It feels limiting and disingenuous.
> 
> I'm no lady, I'm a wife!


:rofl: Sounds like me. 

I grew up with brothers and can't tell you how many times people have told me I was not very "lady-like". I don't fit the mold of what many would consider a "lady", but I don't really want to either. I enjoy being outdoors and adventurous, getting dirty. I climbed trees, jumped off swings, played as many sports as I could, wrestled with my brothers, and could really kick some butt.  

I don't really follow the terms for lady-like or gentleman. I just expect myself and others to be respectful and polite, no matter what sex the person is. I think it's important to just be a good human being.


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## alltheprettyflowers (Jul 24, 2015)

It means not farting on the first date, or second, or third. 
I broke that rule a few times, just to get a kick out of their reactions.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

brooklynAnn said:


> What being a lady means to me:
> 
> Be kind, gentle, good manners, knows how to care for my home. How to care for visitors. Behave respectful. Know when to break balls and kick ass. Don't let anyone take advantage of me.
> 
> ...


Agreed.
I like a woman who is all the above outside. 
But a sloot in the bedroom


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

alltheprettyflowers said:


> It means not farting on the first date, or second, or third.
> I broke that rule a few times, just to get a kick out of their reactions.



Women fart? :surprise:


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

nirvana said:


> Women fart? :surprise:


NEVER!!!!:grin2:


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

lucy999 said:


> NEVER!!!!:grin2:


ha ha
I love these differences in men and women.
After a good night's sleep, I wake up and let shamelessly let a loud, long and smelly one rip. Seriously, I have no shame.

My wife never does that and when she does let one loose, it is always by mistake and she is embarrassed even though it's in front of her husband of 10+ years. I've seen her in her naked glory, so what's a little fart?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

nirvana said:


> ha ha
> I love these differences in men and women.
> After a good night's sleep, I wake up and let shamelessly let a loud, long and smelly one rip. Seriously, I have no shame.
> 
> My wife never does that and when she does let one loose, it is always by mistake and she is embarrassed even though it's in front of her husband of 10+ years. I've seen her in her naked glory, so what's a little fart?


I think farts are funny. But I've never claimed to be mature for my age. I know it's time to get up when my BF lets out a healthy root-a-toot-toot in the mornings. It's childish, but we start out our day with laughter and that's the important thing.

I'm like your wife in that regard. Unless it's by accident, you'll never hear a barking spider come from me!

And speaking of being lady, I think discretion is part of being a lady. I.e., going to the bathroom, brushing your teeth/prepping for bed, etc. A little mystery is a good thing.


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## minebeloved (Nov 7, 2013)

6301 said:


> A lady will not ask you to "Pull her finger".


haha this made me laugh :grin2: so true :smile2:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> What are the attributes of a lady? What sort of positive images should be associated with the concept. *What words*?



Self-respect
Respect for others
Integrity
Honesty
Loyalty
Courtesy
Strong work ethic
Well groomed
Well spoken


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## Avogadro (Mar 31, 2015)

In my mind the definition of a gentleman is the same as a lady.

-exhibiting behavior that is polite and courteous for the given situation.

A woman playing field hockey? Get dirty, sweat, be aggressive. Maybe swear, wipe snot on your sleeve, dig mud out of your ear with your pinky. All perfectly lady like. At a 5 star restaurant? If you blow your nose in the silk napkin at the table, chew with your mouth open or yell to a friend on the other side of the room, you will not be getting a second invitation to dinner.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

lucy999 said:


> I think farts are funny. But I've never claimed to be mature for my age. I know it's time to get up when my BF lets out a healthy root-a-toot-toot in the mornings. It's childish, but we start out our day with laughter and that's the important thing.
> 
> I'm like your wife in that regard. Unless it's by accident, you'll never hear a barking spider come from me!
> 
> And speaking of being lady, I think discretion is part of being a lady. I.e., going to the bathroom, brushing your teeth/prepping for bed, etc. A little mystery is a good thing.


We live in a one bathroom place, so there are bound to be times we use the bathroom in front of each other. The mystery is pretty much gone since he has seen me give birth, held my hair back as I hurled with food poisoning, gotten ready for work while I'm on the 'throne', and so on. I guess I'm not very "lady-like", but I'm glad I don't have to pretend or hide from my husband. I don't care if I let out a fart or get ready in front of him. I like being comfortable in my own home.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

nirvana said:


> Women fart? :surprise:


I always hated having to hold it in the first few months of dating my hubby... so glad we got past that part its so much more comfortable when you can do those sort of things in front of your OH:grin2:.

I know someone who says that they have NEVER farted in front of their hubby and would not dream of it:surprise:.

I can remember a celeb on I am celebrity get me outta of here ( cant think if his name) who said if his wife farted or burped in front of him he would not speak to her for weeks as he thinks ladies should not do those sort of things in front of their fellas as its not lady like:laugh:


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I never use that word. I don't identify myself as lady, just as woman.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

nirvana said:


> ha ha
> I love these differences in men and women.
> After a good night's sleep, I wake up and let shamelessly let a loud, long and smelly one rip. Seriously, I have no shame.
> 
> My wife never does that and when she does let one loose, it is always by mistake and she is embarrassed even though it's in front of her husband of 10+ years. I've seen her in her naked glory, so what's a little fart?


I actually hate it , burping and farting as this is a price for people around you. 

Someone on this forum - man - once said that he never does fart when with woman he has sex with it, as he wants his certain body parts to be associated with desire not digust. I agree 1000 times with him. You want my mouth anywhere close to this area? Keep it desirable...


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Anonymous07 said:


> We live in a one bathroom place, so there are bound to be times we use the bathroom in front of each other. The mystery is pretty much gone since he has seen me give birth, held my hair back as I hurled with food poisoning, gotten ready for work while I'm on the 'throne', and so on. I guess I'm not very "lady-like", but I'm glad I don't have to pretend or hide from my husband. I don't care if I let out a fart or get ready in front of him. I like being comfortable in my own home.


We have 1 bathroom, too and somehow, it works. I'm certainly not pretending or hiding from my BF and I'm very comfortable in my own home. In fact, I'd be quite uncomfortable doing those things _on the regular_ in front of him. I'm not saying it's never happened.

And I'm certainly not judging those who do; that's just my own definition. Whatever works. :smile2:


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

I really don't care for the word "lady". It brings to mind a weak minded person who is incapable of independence but waits on the man to add value to her life. I much prefer being called a woman who is able to "bring home the bacon and can fry it up in the pan". I'm so glad that in this modern day (at least in this hemisphere) that women are responsible for their own destinies and not sitting on our arse waiting to be married off to the man who accepts a dowry.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

WandaJ said:


> I actually hate it , burping and farting as this is a price for people around you.
> 
> Someone on this forum - man - once said that he never does fart when with woman he has sex with it, as he wants his certain body parts to be associated with desire not digust. I agree 1000 times with him. You want my mouth anywhere close to this area? Keep it desirable...


With you on this, I personally find it rude, disgusting and a major turn off.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

WandaJ said:


> I actually hate it , burping and farting as this is a price for people around you.
> 
> Someone on this forum - man - once said that he never does fart when with woman he has sex with it, as he wants his certain body parts to be associated with desire not digust. I agree 1000 times with him. You want my mouth anywhere close to this area? Keep it desirable...


I don't know if I follow this mind set. Passing gas, whether from burping or farting, is a natural human process. Everyone does it and I honestly think it's kind of funny when people pretend they don't. I know a woman who leaves the room and tries to only pass gas someone far away from her husband. To me, that's sad. Why does she have to hide from her husband about something everyone does. It's one thing to do it in an immature manner, where people do a dutch oven or something like that, but something normal to just let it go when in the right place. I would personally never want to go back to the early dating days where I felt I needed to always hold it in and act like women don't do those things. My husband and I are completely comfortable with each other and still find each other very desirable. I also work within the health field and nothing grosses me out, which may be part of all this. The same goes for my husband in that we can talk about disgusting things and eat at the same time.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Anonymous07 said:


> I don't know if I follow this mind set. Passing gas, whether from burping or farting, is a natural human process. Everyone does it and I honestly think it's kind of funny when people pretend they don't. I know a woman who leaves the room and tries to only pass gas someone far away from her husband. To me, that's sad. )


To me, it is a sign of respect.I am not saying I do not do it. I just find it disrespectful to do it in the company of others, and expect them to sit in that stink. I know I do not want to.

And then guys wonder why their wives lose interest in having sex with them and complain about bait and switch. Well, she took a nice, mature guy, and later got burping/farting Joe the Plumber. Talking about bait and switch here.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Anonymous07 said:


> I don't know if I follow this mind set. Passing gas, whether from burping or farting, is a natural human process. Everyone does it and I honestly think it's kind of funny when people pretend they don't. I know a woman who leaves the room and tries to only pass gas someone far away from her husband. To me, that's sad. Why does she have to hide from her husband about something everyone does. It's one thing to do it in an immature manner, where people do a dutch oven or something like that, but something normal to just let it go when in the right place. I would personally never want to go back to the early dating days where I felt I needed to always hold it in and act like women don't do those things. My husband and I are completely comfortable with each other and still find each other very desirable. I also work within the health field and nothing grosses me out, which may be part of all this. The same goes for my husband in that we can talk about disgusting things and eat at the same time.


LOL my mum always sticks by "she never farts:grin2 to this day. I have to admit never heard her.

My hubby farting does not bother me really, Although he bloody stinks Ha.

Nothing worse than wanting to pass wind and having to hold it in as well. They also tell you its really bad for you as well holding it in.

When i was younger i was always told burping after a meal is a sign of good food:smile2:.

My husband are comfortable do anything around each other. APART from a number two that is a step to far:wink2:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I personally don't use the terms Lady and Lady-like ....granted I tend not to use the word Gentleman either (aside from on this forum). If anything, I refer to someone as having grace. That is a quality I highly admire and will notice. 


In saying this, I was recently told that I was a 'real lady'. I received it as the compliment that it was meant to be and didn't give it much thought beyond that.


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