# Origins of inhibition men's desire for novelty



## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

I had spent my 20+ years single before I got married. I was in several 2+years relationships. I had always sought out a women who was sexually adventurous and would be a good wife and mother. One of the things I observed is that the women from my mid-sized suburban town were for the most part unwilling to partake in things like oral to completion, anal, watch porn or even prostate massage (something that I had read can be very pleasurable for a male). Or other "kinks/fetishes" you may call them acts that ads some variety. 

One thing that i realized though TAM and my life experience is that males generally are more likely to seek multiple partners and a desire for varying sexual activities. I think this is a given since there seems to be a large portion of the active participants here on TAM to be women yes it seems that there are more threads coming from men wishing there wives would do more x or y. Though there ARE some exceptions, these requests seem to follow these gender lines. 

When I was 30 I took a job in NYC there were less irish, italians and catholics than in my home town. Low and behold there seemed to be more willingness for these women to be more adventurous. I even dated a women from south america who actually preferred me to climax in her mouth and seemed to like anal more than I did. I also found this to be especially true of women who were immigrants or children of immigrants. The demographics in NYC are unique. There are significantly more college educated women than men. When you factor in the large gay population the dynamics are magnified. What is unclear to me is if it is because women have been become willing to be adventurous out of a challenging dating environment or if it is that there is less influence by Catholocism, which is notorious for shaming women to be virtuous, sexually reserved and chaste. 

When I began traveling to Europe, I found that in Germany for example, they had ads for adult chat lines that featured naked women after 10:00 pm on TV and had adult novelty stores in the airport. It was much more common for beaches to be topless and advertisements to shamelessly promote sexuality. I also noticed a more adventurous and less inhibited female population. 

While many of the comments that I hear from women is that EG. Anal hurts, Semen tastes bad or that these acts are degrading to women. I have concluded though if it is not so much that these things are naturally bad, painful, uncomfortable or gross but, that women have (or have not) been conditioned to think that "good girls" or women in general should not do these things. Perhaps it is also that they believe on a conscious or unconscious level that either their H,S/O or themselves will think less of themselves by partaking in certain activities. 

I adore my wife but, like many men wish that she would engage in more than PIV sex. I wish my wife were more adventurous and truly believe that she is inhibited by her catholic upbringing. When I make suggestions I get "really, you want to do this" as if I am a pervert. To some extent I want to say why not? I think there is also the notion/feeling that "don't you like what we have done for the last x years sort of thing. I mean is it that terrible that we men are looking for a little variety? Are there other women that have found themselves more adventurous then previously. 

Some of us, who have been shut down for requests like this with a sense of feeling ashamed, have learned not to ask or be judged unfavorably. Furthermore, that somehow PIV should be all I want or need as most women want the romance-novel type sex that appeals to women. I would imagine there are many marriages where the man is dissatisfied in this regard but, is reluctant to discuss. 

the question is how/when should I bring this sort of thing up? Some have mentioned to ask/do confidently as to make is seem Ok. Thoughts?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I adore my wife but, like many men wish that she would engage in more than PIV sex. I wish my wife were more adventurous and truly believe that she is inhibited by her catholic upbringing. When I make suggestions I get "really, you want to do this" as if I am a pervert.


It sounds like you HAVE brought it up, and her Catholic upbringing has made her believe that the things you want to do are perverted. I honestly do not see how to get around that. 

People are very wedded to their faiths, and indoctrination from childhood on what is "good" or "bad" or "perverted" is extremely difficult to overcome unless she starts to question what she has been taught, which means questioning her faith in her specific religion's teachings or her faith in God, which, no, she won't do if she hasn't done it by now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You picked an woman to marry who is more inhibited sexually than you are. Then you complain that she's inhibited. This is on you, not her. There is nothing wrong with her being who she is. 

Since you knew what she was like before you married her, your best bet is to accept her for who she is and love her. Your other choice is it divorce her and find someone who actually likes the same things sexually that you do.

I’m wondering why you married her instead of one of those many woman who were more into the adventurous sex that you like? Is it because they were svlts and not ‘good girls’ like your wife? Just coursious?
Your post also shows a true lack of understanding of some things.

For example you think that women saying that anal sex is can be painful is just some kind of cover for her inhibitions. For me and a lot of other women I know, anal sex was good until it was not... until it actually caused physical harm, a rip in the rectum. After days of infection and healing it's not the same .. it HURTS. If a woman has hemorrhoids or other issues it can be excruciating. Try believing people when they tell you their truth, it's a HUGE turn off to not be believed and understood.

Keep in mind that being on the receiving end of anal sex is much more pleasurable for men because men have prostates. So.. if you enjoy anal sex, why not find someone who will make it even more enjoyable for you and let you receive. Sounds like a great solution to me.

Another thing to consider is that the reason so many women are inhibited sexually is that society works hard to teach women to not follow their instinct to be a open sexually as men are. Without the social conditioning that **** shames women, women on the whole are as sexually adventurous as men.

Variety in partners and sex acts are great. So society as a whole tries to brain washes women into being ‘good girls’. Then after a life time of that brain washing, some guy who wants more marries one of the brain washed goody-two-shoes and spends their entire married life shaming her for not being both a **** when HE wants her to be on command. This dynamic puts the woman in a very bad situation. The result is that she pulls away more and more from her partner who is not shaming her for not being a slvt-on-command. Can you blame her?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

think positive said:


> I wish my wife were more adventurous and truly believe that she is inhibited by her catholic upbringing. When I make suggestions I get "really, you want to do this" as if I am a pervert.


Ok so you married someone who is completly the opposite of what you say you wanted and you expect her to magically spontaneuosly transform herself into what she isn't...or doesn't want to be?? You made a bad choice for a wife, what you want doesn't come out of a Catholic church.


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## Caribvistors (Jan 13, 2013)

think positive

I find your position quite interesting. Based upon my limited experience as a young man, I found the two young woman that I enjoyed rather long term relationships quite the opposite of what you are asserting. Both were raised as Roman Catholics. At 16 I became involved with my first girlfriend who was 2+ years older, blond with blue eyes, Because she had dated guys older then her, was more experienced, thus she had no hesitation in showing me (the sexual virgin) in graphic sexual detail why "woman were built different then men". She never exhibited any obvious intimate hang ups, enjoying performing and receiving oral to completion, anal, being naked in even semi private settings, etc. We never graduated into more kinky things, as no one really knew anything about those practices.

When I started dating my wife she was 16 at the time (I was 18), a product eventually of 12 years of parochial education provided by the religious nuns. I also graduated from a Catholic, all boys high school. To this day we still attend Mass on almost every Sunday, so I guess we are considered to be "practicing Catholics". 

In the beginning of our dating relationship I was the "teacher", introducing her to oral to completion, anal, nudity, lingerie and later into bondage/discipline and other erotic arts. She always was the willing "student", could actually be referred to as a quick learner, never reluctant, always sexually available, even after we were long married. Very rarely would ever refused her husband's advances. Never has had any real inhibitions (not big into ****ty lingerie, but will wear it) and still over the long duration of our marriage still enjoys giving oral and going to nude beaches, etc.

Over the years a few things changed, she developed serious hemorrhoids after carrying 3 children and anal became too painful to engage in. She will sometimes even today offer her ass, but it is impossible for me to do anything that I know will cause her unnecessary pain. Another change, as our sexual routine evolved she became the one who eventually controlled all of our sexual activities (when, where, how) and now ensures that her satisfaction is primary.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

It's better to start small and go slow. Did you forget that your didn't marry all of those women who were sexually adventurous? She won't turn into them.

You may have more success if you make whatever you do pleasurable for both of you. Present your proposals with that in mind and make sure she knows it. For example, instead of asking her to do anal, stimulate that area when you have sex and ask her to do you and go from there. 

Considered this - what would make her want to engage in sexual acts that bring her no pleasure or are unpleasant to her or even painful? If you can come up with an answer, you may be able to convince her based on your answer. Otherwise, you can come at it another way. 

Something like - At this point in your marriage, you want to take a diffident path with her. You seem to be thinking of duplicating past exploits with all of those other women and trying to turn your wife into them. Instead, you should want to share the fun with her.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Hey honey? Can I buy two GoPro Cameras to make 3D video and broadcast that through wifi into my virtual reality headset? I want to film us having sex, but watch it in virtual reality in real time as if I am at the edge of the bed watching you have sex with someone else. 




think positive said:


> When I make suggestions I get "really, you want to do this" as if I am a pervert. To some extent I want to say why not?


WIFE: No you are not a pervert, I just don't think I will be able to orgasm with you flying your quadcopter all around the bedroom. The last time you did that it blew all my jewelry off the dresser and you crashed into my snow globe collection on the bookshelf.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

To respond to your post title - I really think inhibitions and the need for novelty to cut both ways. I think most men and some women have some of both. The newness (novelty) of any relationship is exciting for everyone involved. You are exploring new "territory". Nobody knows what the boundaries are (until they are met) and it is all exciting. At the same time we all exhibit some forms of inhibition. A woman may not be comfortable having sex on the first or second date, you are inhibited from asking for more because you don't want to be considered a pervert, etc.
I think the quest for novelty is probably the more natural of the two, while inhibitions are more learned. Religion, has been especially effective at drilling inhibitions into our collective psyche. But society in general has also done a "good" job as well. Women who want to be sexually expressive are often **** shamed (as we see from some of the posts here). In the meantime, as we see in real life, men and women get bored with each other. Divorce, break ups, cheating, affairs all take place for this very reason. With few exceptions, almost all couples look for some newness in this area. Some are able to regain the novelty by opening up new areas of exploration. Others never overcome the hurdle and either sink into lives of quiet desperation, cheat or break up. 
Given the sheer numbers of divorces for long time marriages it would appear as though the need for novelty comes out ahead of inhibition in the end. That is not to say that every long term marriage ends because of sexual dissatisfaction, but a significant portion do. And much of that dissatisfaction comes from inhibitions learned years before.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

think positive said:


> When I began traveling to Europe, I found that in Germany for example, they had ads for adult chat lines that featured naked women after 10:00 pm on TV and had adult novelty stores in the airport. It was much more common for beaches to be topless and advertisements to shamelessly promote sexuality. I also noticed a more adventurous and less inhibited female population.


I agree with your observations as far Europe concerns. There is here not so much more nudity I think, but we make less a point of it. I see in the USA big big differences between public and private sexual worlds. Much more extreme in both ends of the spectrum.

Here nudity and sex are quite normal in everyday life present, but seriously not as much as an American might think. We just know you can see naked ladies in some theaters in the red light districts if you want, but almost nobody in your environment will ever go there. But if you want you can, and not many people will bother your.

The happy contrast with this is that youth are growing up relatively serious and careful about sex. The teen pregnancy for instance is relatively low and there are little STD's. And that is very very different in many countries that are prude and repressive of sex and nudity.

Immigrants have big problems with that difference and give great problems in that area.


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## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> You picked an woman to marry who is more inhibited sexually than you are. Then you complain that she's inhibited. This is on you, not her. There is nothing wrong with her being who she is.
> 
> Since you knew what she was like before you married her, your best bet is to accept her for who she is and love her. Your other choice is it divorce her and find someone who actually likes the same things sexually that you do.
> 
> ...


Ele,

Sorry you experienced that injury from anal. I asked my gay friend and he said it was not that common unless someone is rough or not properly lubricated. That said I would never do anything that would hurt my wife but, you give me reason for taking care. Anal, in and of itself I could potentially do without or perhaps we could limit it to anal play to see how she would like it. 

You mention that I should find someone who wants to give me a prostate massage. I love my wife and just wish she could be more open to variety.

I find it odd that you would point to societies creation of these inhibitions yet LABEL women who partake in these activities as slu$%. I know some men date the bad girls then marry the "good girls" but, that is not the case with me. I married the women that I wanted to never be without again and she in fact admitted to watching erotica while masturbating and regularly using a vibrator. She does not have any physical aversion to putting giving me oral or me ejaculating in her mouth. Now it would seem that she is perfectly happy with only PIV sex. It could be that she is now a mother, I don't know. 

I guess the way I look at it is a marriage is allot of give and take. I do allot of things that I don't particularly enjoy. When it comes to activities we do, shows we watch or ways that we spend money I give as to make her happy. 

I still believe from my experience and what I have read that women and men seek sexual novelty in different ways. Of course there are exceptions. I mean if my wife wanted to do just about anything (that did not involve physical contact with other people), I would probably be be up for it and believe this dynamic generally follows gender lines. I also think it probably has some biological underpinnings. 

Just my opinion. Thanks again for your opinion. 
PS Elegirl do you really have 25000 posts or is it because you are a moderator?


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## Caribvistors (Jan 13, 2013)

Ynot

Being the husband in a very long term marriage and over the years having talked with a lot of people from our age group, I think one of the primary reasons these relationships break up is due to the fact that either or both spouses, for various reasons stop "trying" to interest or please their life partner. A major indicator that this is occurring or is in the process of evolving is that they stop talking or listening to each other about their "needs" and feelings. How often have we heard over the years that the most important thing in any relationship on all levels is honest communications?

Both partners need to be willing to do things that anyone of us at any given time may not really want to in order to, help or please or intimately satisfy the other. It can be as simple as always treating the partner with respect, or routinely helping around the house, taking your spouse to dinner (doesn't have to be fancy), or ensuring that the woman is sexually satisfied, even if your not, or her dressing up in sexy lingerie and acting like a **** for the person that you committed your life to. How hard are these things to do. How hard is it for no reason to just tell your SO that you, "love them". I heard all the BS about how tired people claim they get from their work and/or the effort expended in taking care of children, but there has to be time to address the share responsibilities of the partnership, as well as to continually nurture that relationship on all levels. It is a "forever" work in progress for both p[arties.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

think positive said:


> Ele,
> 
> Sorry you experienced that injury from anal. I asked my gay friend and he said it was not that common unless someone is rough or not properly lubricated. That said I would never do anything that would hurt my wife but, you give me reason for taking care. Anal, in and of itself I could potentially do without or perhaps we could limit it to anal play to see how she would like it.


The point I was making is that for some people it is truly painful. It can be painful because one or both partners are not doing things right, or it could be that the receiving partner has an issue. There can be real issues. So when someone says it’s painful, don’t just think it’s an excuse. In your original post you said that claiming that anal is painful is simply an excuse. That is what I was talking about.



think positive said:


> You mention that I should find someone who wants to give me a prostate massage. I love my wife and just wish she could be more open to variety.


Well you seem to have married a woman who is not open to variety. Did you know that when you married her? 



think positive said:


> I find it odd that you would point to societies creation of these inhibitions yet LABEL women who partake in these activities as slu$%. I know some men date the bad girls then marry the "good girls" but, that is not the case with me.


I used the word “slvt” in the manner that it is often used by many in society to negatively shame and brand women who are sexually adventurous. I used it to try to figure out your point of view in why you married a woman whose willingness to be sexually adventurous is so much less than your own and less than the woman who you typically dated. I was wondering if you had some sort of hang-up on marrying a woman who is more open sexually. I guess you say that you did not have that concern.



think positive said:


> I married the women that I wanted to never be without again and she in fact admitted to watching erotica while masturbating and regularly using a vibrator. She does not have any physical aversion to putting giving me oral or me ejaculating in her mouth. Now it would seem that she is perfectly happy with only PIV sex. It could be that she is now a mother, I don't know.


How frequent do the two of you have sex these days? How much has it tapered off?



think positive said:


> I guess the way I look at it is a marriage is allot of give and take. I do allot of things that I don't particularly enjoy. When it comes to activities we do, shows we watch or ways that we spend money I give as to make her happy.


It sounds to me like the issue is more your relationship and the sex is suffering from it.

Does your wife have a job? Or are you the sole bread winner?
What are the things that you do that you do not particularly enjoy?
How many hours a week do you and your wife spend together doing things that you both enjoy… date like things, just the two of you?


think positive said:


> PS Elegirl do you really have 25000 posts or is it because you are a moderator?


Yep, I have that many posts, well over 26,000 … I type fast I guess >


Here is a book that I think would help you get your sex life back on track and even turn it up. The author, Esther Perel also has some good talks and Ted Talks on youtube on the topic.

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence  y Esther Perel


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

think positive said:


> I had spent my 20+ years single before I got married. I was in several 2+years relationships. I had always sought out a women who was sexually adventurous and would be a good wife and mother. One of the things I observed is that the women from my mid-sized suburban town were for the most part unwilling to partake in things like oral to completion, anal, watch porn or even prostate massage (something that I had read can be very pleasurable for a male). Or other "kinks/fetishes" you may call them acts that ads some variety.
> 
> One thing that i realized though TAM and my life experience is that males generally are more likely to seek multiple partners and a desire for varying sexual activities. I think this is a given since there seems to be a large portion of the active participants here on TAM to be women yes it seems that there are more threads coming from men wishing there wives would do more x or y. Though there ARE some exceptions, these requests seem to follow these gender lines.
> 
> ...


I have been married for 25 years.
I think the key is to 1st be the best lover you can be and be the kind of man she CAN get excited about.
For example, are you fat? lose weight.
Are you an assshole? Stop it.

2nd. Patiently keep trying. I have been trying to cum in my wifes mouth for 25 years and I'll try for the next 25 years. I am making progress. The BJ's themselves have gotten MUCH, MUCH better.
It's only a matter of time


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Inhibitions can come from other sources other than religion, abuse being one. Religion does set boundaries outside of marriage, but those that can't get past some of those inhibitions after marriage are just being taught wrong, in my opinion. There are websites out there that might help explain how a lot of the common inhibitions have no scriptural basis. Short of having another person involved (a definite no-no), there's not much that goes against the Bible's teachings inside of marriage. Honoring and loving your spouse in every way is pleasing in the Lord's sight. Conjuring up these inhibitions by religious leaders without having scriptural backing is wrong, not to mention false teaching, which the Bible warns against.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I think part of the problem with inhibitions is they are taught and learned _first -_ long, long before any lessons on being uninhibited within a marriage or what that even means.

Girls are taught "no!" about all things sexual, are taught that being chaste is good long before they even understand their bodies or sexuality or chastity, and long before they are mature enough to understand why the difference between:

all things sexual before marriage are "bad"
all thing sexual with your H after marriage are "good"

Yes, intellectually, a woman can understand that there is a difference. But if all your life you've been taught that being sexual or overtly sexual or interested in sex is a bad thing and to be avoided so you can be "pure," by the time you're taught when and how sexy and sex is good, it's too late. 

By that time, you've absorbed the message that sexy and uninhibited is bad, sl*tty, embarrassing and/or dirty. You've internalized it, you believe it, even if your mind tells you that's bullsh*t. And now your H wants you to be as bad, dirty, and sl*tty as you can possibly be with him. It's a big leap from practicing as-much-chastity-as-possible every day and keeping your mind off your sexual curiosity and shutting that part of yourself down so as not to misstep and doom yourself to sl*tville......to yeah, baby, do me right here in the kitchen, get the spatula...it's a big leap. 

Overcoming that is a journey, and sometimes isn't entirely possible. Depends on how much a woman bought into which messages.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

EleGirl said:


> Keep in mind that being on the receiving end of anal sex is much more pleasurable for men because men have prostates. So.. if you enjoy anal sex, why not find someone who will make it even more enjoyable for you and let you receive. Sounds like a great solution to me.


Agree with everything you said, except this 

While men do have prostates and that can be pleasurable, women also have similar inner workings in that region. The clitoris, for example, isn't just a little "button" on the outside of the vagina. It actually continues inside the body, and has nerve endings that are reachable via the anus. As well, the wall between the vagina and the anus is fairly thin, and anal sex can be just as pleasurable for women as it can be for men. True story.

That said, it's very tricky to do it "right", and the potential for pain and harm is certainly there (for men, too).

In essence, it's no different for a man than it is for a woman. It can be equally pleasurable, or equally painful. Both sexes have pleasurable areas in there, not just us men.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Seems like OP's wife has "come down" a few notches since marriage. Given that he says his wife used (still uses?) sex toys, and masturbated to erotica, it doesn't sound like she, at one point, was terribly inhibited.

From what I understand, it's basically anal sex and oral to completion that she's averse to - and that's not all that out of the ordinary. Chalk it up to personal taste (no pun intended). My ex wife would gladly give me BJ's (until she developed bad TMJ/lockjaw), but the second I got close, she'd stop and finish me manually. No way did she want any of it in her mouth - or hell, even on her hand surprise It grossed her out. My current wife has absolutely no aversion to it whatsoever, swallows, doesn't care if it gets on her, etc. but she won't give standalone BJ's, whereas my ex wife sure did. So they each have/had their own views on that one subject alone.

Anal sex is not for everybody. And honestly, whatever reason someone has for not being into it (or even willing to try) is absolutely fine, TBH. Anal sex is that one thing that nobody should even TRY if they're not fully receptive to it. One needs to be in the right head space, fully relaxed, aroused, etc. for it to work properly. Despite what you might see in porn, it's not something you just "do". Stick it in and go to town. It takes a lot of prep work and a lot of mental preparation to do properly. For me, personally, it's not worth it, in my experience. My wife and I have done it (and she's even orgasmed from it), but we've both agreed that it's just not worth all the fuss in the long run.

As far as I'm concerned, one only has cause to be upset if all you're having is missionary vanilla sex. A lack of oral sex, too, is something that would concern me, but I don't think you specified if that NEVER happens, or just doesn't happen to completion.

Also, things are quite relative. I/we got over the anal sex thing pretty quickly. We tried it a few times, it was good once in a while, great once, then our interest waned - both of ours. Oral sex to completion is nice, but not necessary for me. When I wasn't getting oral sex to completion, I wanted it. Now that I do, it's no big deal. What I don't get are standalone BJ's, and I want them. But I'm sure if I started to, it'd be no big deal eventually, as well.

So in essence, what a lot of us want are partners who are willing to do what WE want, and when we don't get it, it becomes an issue.

The irony is that our partners probably have a list of things they wish WE did, or they could do with us, as well. I've learned a few things here and there with my wife over the years, but she's generally not the type to bring forth such a list, therefore it takes me communicating with her to find out what she wants. Don't discount the possibility that your wife, too, has a list! (even if she denies such a thing...) It took me years to find out that sometimes my wife just wants to be pounded quickly. It's not something I would have ever thought of on my own. It would have seemed selfish to me to do something like that. But every now and again, that's exactly what she wants. All she had to do was tell me this at some point, but apparently she was too shy/inhibited to ask for something like that. 

Your wife probably has her "things" that she's reluctant to ask for, as well.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

norajane said:


> I think part of the problem with inhibitions is they are taught and learned _first -_ long, long before any lessons on being uninhibited within a marriage or what that even means.
> 
> Girls are taught "no!" about all things sexual, are taught that being chaste is good long before they even understand their bodies or sexuality or chastity, and long before they are mature enough to understand why the difference between:
> 
> ...


Exactly, and I agree. Any deviation from the "norm" you've been conditioned with leads to feelings of guilt. The truth is, there's nothing dirty about sex inside a marriage. A lot of women never gain the knowledge to understand this.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Luvher4life said:


> Exactly, and I agree. Any deviation from the "norm" you've been conditioned with leads to feelings of guilt. *The truth is, there's nothing dirty about sex inside a marriage. A lot of women never gain the knowledge to understand this.*


I'm all for being sexually adventurous.. but like your words here .... ideally inside the confines of a committed relationship/ specifically marriage... not outside of it.. 

I've had inhibitions.. I was very turned off by things I seen in my youth, some hardcore 3 some porn..... then I associated certain acts as Pornish....yes.. bad girls/ bad boys.. ..Even watching TV.... R rated scenes.. almost always this was pre-marital sex / cheating / secret affairs..(I used to complain.. why don't they ever show newlywed sex , something beautiful!)... 

Problem was ... it was still HOT / titillating...it still arose lust in me.... so there was a great conflict.. these things were not consistent with what I wanted for my own life... it's not so easy to reconcile all of this....

There is not a lot of good material to focus on the beauty, the intimacy of loving sex.. as there is the mechanics of adventurous sex (so I feel).. this being one book I enjoyed , wished I had it back in the day.... Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage 

Really for the men who've had many partners.. you really should hook up & marry women who have also had many partners.... you are more compatible, aren't you ?? Experience & adventurous sex your common link.. if that's very important to you.. it should be on your deal breaking list, shouldn't it? 

As for those who don't have this at the top of our lists (it wasn't on mine ).. I cared more about love, compatibility.. shared values over sexual experience.. what he could teach me in the sack ,or I being some student of his.. My feelings were.. it was best to learn , and share all that new awkwardness & lust together.. growing together ,something deep , passionate & special only him & I shared with no other.. .

Not the average story here.. but in our marriage.. my husband is less adventurous over ME - once I shed my inhibitions...it was ME who wanted to try " doggie".. Me who wanted to do "69".. me who shook things up trying new positions, places, upping the novelty... he's always been happy with Love making.. going down on me.. simultaneous orgasms was enough for him. ...really they were enough for me too - until I had a sexual surge .. then I wanted to try everything I felt we missed.. That was a lot of [email protected]

I've come a long way.. raging hormones, a lust for a deeper intimacy, more passion, adventure.... this has brought us closer , to new heights.. but still I feel the greatest fulfillment is not so much in adventurous sex as much as in the intimacy between a couple....emotionally rekindling her fires -her feeling deeply loved by you.. this can help her open up & want to give back ... most women need to "feel this" from their men... (or maybe I am wrong?)...just my 2 cents on that..


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Really for the men who've had many partners.. you really should hook up & marry women who have also had many partners.... you are more compatible, aren't you ??


Why should we just hook up & marry women who have had many partners?

Instead of being limited to your prescriptive directions, shouldn't all relevant parties who are involved in their own intimate relationships determine for themselves who they choose to be with?

Sharing similar numbers of sexual partners form none to many in common, in itself does not make someone sexually compatible or otherwise.

In the biblical sense, I am my wife's second sexual partner, whereas I have been with many more than she has. Yet as it turns out (unsurprisingly to us) we are enjoying and have enjoyed a terrific sexual, dating and marital relationship that is in it's 20th year as we get close to our 17th wedding anniversary.

If either of us followed your advice we might not have been so fortunate.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> There is not a lot of good material to focus on the beauty, the intimacy of loving sex.. as there is the mechanics of adventurous sex (so I feel)..
> ....
> As for those who don't have this at the top of our lists (it wasn't on mine ).. I cared more about love, compatibility.. shared values over sexual experience.. what he could teach me in the sack ,or I being some student of his.. My feelings were.. it was best to learn , and share all that new awkwardness & lust together.. growing together ,something deep , passionate & special only him & I shared with no other.. .


There are instrutional video's of the original uncensored Kama Sutra that are imho the best in the world as regarding to the beauty and intimacy of making love.

I wish everybody a sex life like that, and the Kama Sutra is certainly the best way I would advise my children, if it would be appropriate to discuss that :wink2:. But I am sure my wife will do that when it is appropriate.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

One persons inhibitions is another persons boundaries. It is often the border wars that destroy a marriage


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Personal said:


> Why should we just hook up & marry women who have had many partners?
> 
> Instead of being limited to your prescriptive directions, shouldn't all relevant parties who are involved in their own intimate relationships determine for themselves who they choose to be with?
> 
> ...


 I said this because some appear to be chastising the man for being foolish for marrying a "Good Catholic girl".... when really what was wrong with the experienced women who did the things he always wanted/ got off on...and freely at that, he's an experienced man who admittedly sought out adventurous women & shared some of those experiences ....this question was asked of him... 

Sure we can do whatever we want to do Personal.. but sometimes it is a foolish choice.. when the other just isn't into or cares about the same things.. to assume it will all work out - well that could be presumptuous at best..

I believe if one cares a great deal about certain aspects of a relationship , sexual or otherwise.. (I wouldn't date someone who frequented the bars for example)....like if someone has a specific fetish and hopes to marry someday...they darn well *better know* if the other will enjoy it too, be excited & accommodate...or that will be a train wreck down the road, causing a great deal of suffering & conflict, and the fetish guy may be tempted to step out in his frustration or live in resentment...

Though true..had he married someone else.. the sex life may be rocking but he may have other issues.. everything needs weighed & sorted out in dating... talked through thoroughly, experienced if it's THAT important to one of them, so that assurance is there- that "we're good"! 

But I guess it's all irrelevant... this is where he is NOW, he loves her... she just needs to get beyond her Catholic hangups about sex, willing to explore new horizons with her husband.... getting a woman like this to want to try anal would be a huge jump.. though starting small , going through books together, like the one I suggested or some Kama Sutra aids as @See_Listen_Love suggested, could be a Start..

Here is another suggestion...Could you get her to play a board Game with you?? Like this one.... it will ask questions FOR YOU, give ideas on the cards.. "hands on" scenarios...to get her to open up.. learn more about so many variations of sex.. we have this game, so impressed by the cards.. so many.. they have intimate cards, passionate, question cards...Task cards.. take a moment to read this write up ... 

Kinky World » Discover Your Lover Adult Board Game Review


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