# What do you do when your husband snacks before dinner?



## Dark Nova

Ladies, I feel like giving up.
I spent hours in the kitchen this afternoon preparing and cooking dinner for my husband. He was "too full" from a sandwich and ice cream he had when he got home to eat. This from a guy that can eat a whole large pizza and want dessert afterwards.
I wish he had waited half an hour for what I had made instead of snacking when he got home. 
It may seem like a trivial matter to be bothered over, but I did spend hours and I was left with a huge amount of food to pack in the fridge. And I had to eat alone.


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## Pandakiss

same here...but we both are snackers, i would ask husband if he wanted pizza, or meatloaf, or whatever for dinner.

if he was non-commital, than i would make sauasges with chips, or cheese eggs with pancakes later in the evening, like around 8/9.

if i asked him, he said chicken stuffed with this and that, dressing...he didnt eat, already ate, i wouldnt make that again, and i also wouldnt cook anything real for a few weeks.

i would also just bring it up casually, that feeding loved ones means a lot to me, and it hurts my feelings when i get the impression that you dont care.

your husband does care, but guys are dumb, you just have to tell him in a calm voice how you feel, and come up with a compromise.


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## chillymorn

I used to be able to eat a snack 5 mins before dinner and still eat a 7 course meal. But as I got older that just dosn't work anymore.maybe he will come to this conclusion if you start making him peanutbutter and jelly for dinner. when he askes how come your making him p&j,s everyday you can say because i'm sick of cooking nice meals that I have to eat alone.


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## Hope1964

My hubby is a grown man - if he wants to snack before dinner and not eat the GOOD stuff then I say more for me!

It used to really bug me that he didn't eat what I cooked. Now we plan meals and cook almost everything together and it isn't an issue any more.

I would just pack it in single serving sized portions and freeze it for another day


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## Chelle D

Did you see him getting the sandwich & icecream? 

I would have told hubby when he got home, that a hard cooked dinner would be ready in about half hour.

j


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## Dark Nova

Chelle D, I did let him know dinner was going to be ready in half an hour. And he still chose to snack.
He told me was going to eat, but of course once I got the roast out and cut the ****ing thing up, he wasn't hungry anymore. This isn't the first time I have asked him to wait for dinner but he chooses something else instead. 
He thinks he needs to lose weight and that snacking instead of dinner will help. I have tried to tell him he'd be better off eating a real meal instead of ice cream and frosted flakes, but I don't care anymore. 
It seems like whatever I ask him to do/not do, he "forgets" and does his own thing anyway. Like how I tell him I'd like to spend some time with him, so we go out for date night, but with his ****ing friends. How romantic is that? 
He is just incapable of understanding why this upsets me. I get accused of overreacting and being selfish. The whole dinner thing is just like the icing on the cake.


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## Chelle D

I would definitely be pissed too then. Don't blame you one bit. He is being very selfish.

j


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## Mavash.

Stop cooking for him and make plans that don't involve him. He does this because he can.


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## cherokee96red

That exact "pre-dinner feasting" is what led to the institution of "On Your Own Night" in my house. 

Now that it's just me, there are many nights I don't even eat dinner, period.


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## LadyFrog

Mavash. said:


> Stop cooking for him and make plans that don't involve him. He does this because he can.




It sound like he's being inconsiderate. Cooking is a big PIB and if you're knocking yourself out to make a nice meal, he should show some effort to wait and eat with you.

If it's a regular occurence hang the pots high and let him fend. Hopefully he'll get the message.


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## chaos

Have you let your feelings be known to him?


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## deejov

Yeah, I would not cook large meals. Just enough for yourself, if you feel the desire. He seems to be able to sustain himself just fine. Whoo hoot extra time!!


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## Gratitude

Chelle D said:


> I would definitely be pissed too then. Don't blame you one bit. He is being very selfish.
> 
> Maybe this is when you do that 180 thing that they talk about? Ignore him completely. Do not make dinner for him. Make your own plans to go out on the weekend without him. (Even if you just go to a gym to workout.. or a movie alone...) make it seem like you had a good time. (But don't pretend it was with another man.. thats' a no-no).
> 
> I don't know if the 180 thing goes as far as washing your own laundry & not his. But it is doing things for YOURSELF.. without having to have "justification" of doing something to satisfy him, or to make his life easier...etc, etc.
> 
> I'd say, after about a week, if he hasn't confronted you about it all, or at least some of it, then write him a note. Tell him how he is disrespecting the time & energy you have made in the past to reach out to him & connect with him. Tell him how it hurts to make him a nice meal, just to have it rejected. Relate it to him in a way he can understand. Maybe tell him, it is like, if he thought about you all day at work, and was excited to come home and make love to you... and you told him, sorry, you just mastrabated a half hour ago and are now satisified and you don't want/need his love right then... He would feel completely rejected. Or if maybe you told him you were taking him to watch a football/basketball/whatever game... then you ended up taking him to your best friends house, so that you all watched it on the telly. Would it frustrate him to think he was going out someplace fun (his fun) with you for a change.. and then find out it is at your friend/ families house. Somehow, you've got to relate to him that you are being "ignored" emotionally from him and how frustrating it is for you. Hopefully after giving him a "cold shoulder" regarding his needs for a week & then a letter... it would get the point across.
> 
> Then ask to go to a counseling session together.


Woah - do the 180? Counselling? Really? This sounds a bit extreme!

My husband always snacks before dinner! It's like as soon as he knows it' coming he gets hungry and finds food in the cupboard. Sometimes he thinks it's funny and hides it. I take it off him and tell him to sit down and wait.

All you can do is ask your husband not to snack before dinner. Tell him you spend all this time making dinner and if he keeps doing it you'll stop cooking for him and wasting your time. And then just cook for yourself.


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## Chelle D

Gratitude...

It was her second reply that sparked that reaction from me. She was clearly more upset than just the snacking. He is not respecting her feelings. She even said that the dinner thing was just the icing on the cake. 

My thoughts in that long reply were trying to get the the "cake" issue, and not the icing issue.

But it's good to have ppl disagree with me. My viewpoint is usually a bit odd.


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## Gratitude

Chelle D said:


> Gratitude...
> 
> It was her second reply that sparked that reaction from me. She was clearly more upset than just the snacking. He is not respecting her feelings. She even said that the dinner thing was just the icing on the cake.
> 
> My thoughts in that long reply were trying to get the the "cake" issue, and not the icing issue.
> 
> But it's good to have ppl disagree with me. My viewpoint is usually a bit odd.


Yes I can see from her second response she has other issues not just the snacking.

I was replying to her original question in the thread.


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## HopeFloats59

Dark Nova said:


> Chelle D, I did let him know dinner was going to be ready in half an hour. And he still chose to snack.
> He told me was going to eat, but of course once I got the roast out and cut the ****ing thing up, he wasn't hungry anymore. This isn't the first time I have asked him to wait for dinner but he chooses something else instead.
> He thinks he needs to lose weight and that snacking instead of dinner will help. I have tried to tell him he'd be better off eating a real meal instead of ice cream and frosted flakes, but I don't care anymore.
> It seems like whatever I ask him to do/not do, he "forgets" and does his own thing anyway. Like how I tell him I'd like to spend some time with him, so we go out for date night, but with his ****ing friends. How romantic is that?
> He is just incapable of understanding why this upsets me. I get accused of overreacting and being selfish. The whole dinner thing is just like the icing on the cake.


This would irritate me, too. You're trying to be a good wife, looking out for his health and preparing a loving meal for him. I cook full breakfasts/pack lunch and snacks/make dinner/bake for mine every day, and I would really be irritated if he wasn't appreciative or didn't at least have the courtesy to tell me he wasn't going to eat my food. It does seem like he's being self-centered and insensitive. What argument does he use to say you're being selfish?


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## Dark Nova

Thanks for all the replies everyone. 
I didn't make dinner the last two nights and guess what?
HE cooked for us. 
But that doesn't make things even. We have been married for about 6 months and I guess we have some things to adjust to. Like him adjusting to eating what I make and absolutely loving it. 
I do need to communicate better though. Usually I get so mad I blow up on him and then we are both sad and sorry.


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## darksideofthemoon

Good for you! I was going to say "stop cooking" and I see that's what you did.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I have dinner made the minute he walks in the door. I'm usually hurrying him up, so his dinner does not get cold. 

Cereal is the extent of his snacking and it's only once in a great while. Then I'll hold dinner for 1/2 hour to an hour after that bowl of cereal.

However, I don't think it would bother me much. I don't eat 1/2 the foods I cook due to the calorie content. I try to cook as healthy as possible. If I don't eat the dinner I prepared, I'll eat a bowl of cereal myself for dinner. I cook most our foods homemade from scratch as well.


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## Gardendream

Its so funny how I thought I was alone in this. 

I figured out that if his dinner is ready at his hungry time (husband belly has a very punctual clock) then he will not hunt for snack or grump around due to hunger.

I still remember the last time I found him on the sofa looking guilty, with empty packet of palmiers and lots of crumbs around him. I was annoyed and amused at the same time. Whenever I caught him snacking I just ask him what time he wants dinner and wont bother cooking anything complicated


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## Dark Nova

I usually try to have dinner ready for him when he gets home, but lately he has been coming home at different times and I never know when to have it done by. After the first few times I tried calling him to find out when to expect him, but he never answers his cell. Says he can't hear it at work. Part of me is convinced if it was one of his friends he'd hear it perfectly fine. 
Speaking of, its his birthday and I'm in bed alone while he hangs out with a friend downstairs. I'm so lonely sometimes.


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## desert-rose

Are you really upset about the snacking issue, or is it that you don't feel like you guys have a routine that matters to you like dinners together? 

Don't get passive aggressive or angry. Think about why this bothers you and what you would expect of your husband and then talk to him about it. 

If he works all day and you look forward to dinners together and he is spoiling that by eating before coming home or something, then you could let him know that you feel disappointed or sad because you were looking forward to a dinner date and he wasn't there with you. Maybe he doesn't even realize that he is being inconsiderate. It sounds like he is wrapped up in his own routine while your routine is currently dependent on his and so you might feel the slights as having a bit more weight than you would if you were not relying on him for companionship or connection. Just a conjecture...


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## dyen12

If he chooses to eat like a child, treat him like a child ... next time stick his whole dinner in the blender and spoon feed him.


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## EleGirl

What time does he get home and what time is dinner ready?


If you know that he is hungry when he walks in the door, could you have dinner ready at that time?


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## Halien

Sorry, but I just couldn't help seeing the title of this and drawing an instant mental image. If he snacks before dinner, maybe you can smack his nose with a newspaper just like you do when he makes a puddle on the kitchen floor after you forget to let him out to do his business. 

But seriously - most men are very honored when their wife cooks like you do. I wouldn't cook for him if he has so little appreciation of your hard work. Before I dated my wife, she brought me homemade cookies when I was in the hospital with a crushed ankle. I dropped them just after she left and was so afraid that the nurse would come in and throw them away that I unhooked my traction, disconnected the IVs, and slid out of the bed to retrieve them. Blood was everywhere, but I got those home made cookies.


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## desert-rose

dyen12 said:


> If he chooses to eat like a child, treat him like a child ... next time stick his whole dinner in the blender and spoon feed him.


Isn't that just a bit over the top? How would you like to be treated that way? Maybe you were just joking; I hope so, but if not...Instead of just making it into a huge deal, why not see it as something simpler and more fixable rather than antagonize it. Not worth getting up in arms over this. It's not that he's behaving like a child, it's that he's being inconsiderate about something that matters to his wife, probably because he doesn't understand that this is significant to her. The first step shouldn't be punishment, it should be raising the concern that something she is working hard on is going unappreciated by him and she is upset that he isn't giving her something she needs and wants to know if it is possible to change that. Talk first, get vindictive later (if at all).


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