# Did you know the OW/OM?



## stormydays (May 31, 2013)

I'm just curious--how many of you knew the OW/OM? 

In my case, she wasn't my friend or anything but she came over to our house, ate with us, hung out with us, gave me a birthday present, etc. I was very nice to her, and once helped her with a resume she was working on. 

When I found out what was really going on I wasn't humiliated, exactly (I refuse to be humiliated by the shameful actions of others), but it did compound my feelings of betrayal and hurt. Of course, my imagination didn't have to run wild about her because I knew who she was and what she looked like, etc., but it did bring everything very close to home (quite literally). 

It also made me wonder what my former spouse was actually thinking, bringing her over like that!


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I knew two of the OMs.

I know there was a third OM but I don't know him.

The two OMs I knew were part of a para-church ministry I worked in. Yes, that's right. Two guys in a MINISTRY along with my W and me.

And, the two other involved people BOTH KNEW about the affairs before me, and the terrific "christians" said nothing.

In fact, the first suspicion I had of "affair" was two weeks before I found out. My W and I and the OM and his wife were scheduled to go to dinner together on a Monday night. The OM's wife didn't come, and I was highly surprised that the OM came to meet my W and I alone.

Prior to finding out about him and my wife, I considered the man a close personal friend.... and, if anyone said to me that he was involved in adultery....I would have told them they didn't know what the hell they were talking about, that this man could not possibly do such a thing to his Lord and his family.

Contrary to your experience, I had never, and never have been since, been so humiliated in my entire life.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Yes-I knew her and knew her well. She had worked with my husband for 15 years, had babysat for us many times, we had helped her with anything she needed. She was very close to my kids which is what hurt the most.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

stormydays said:


> I'm just curious--how many of you knew the OW/OM?
> 
> In my case, she wasn't my friend or anything but she came over to our house, ate with us, hung out with us, gave me a birthday present, etc. I was very nice to her, and once helped her with a resume she was working on.
> 
> ...


Oh yeah, my first OM was my "best friend" who was actually in our wedding! Double betrayal at it's finest. He wound up making Judas look like a pretty decent fellow. At least Judas had enough regret and remorse to off himself for what he had done.

Not mine....he wound up marrying my ex, and now they are forever miserable (so I've been told) and stuck with one another. They've both gained so much weight that no one else would want to have either of them.

This is what I hear anyway. I really don't give a sh!t.

Hang in there. It's all been done before, and it'll be done again....sadly enough.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Nope not a clue. 

We didn't divorce because it was a fairly short EA and we worked out some boundaries. If had gone physical we would not be married today.


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## jenglenn (Jan 31, 2013)

Did not know...ow is old flame. The old part is literal. Ewwwwe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

Yes the OW was a HS GF and they maintained that friendship over the years. I just never thought she would be the type to get involved with a married man especially since she was cheated on by her 3rd ex husband. But my WS is her "soul mate" and they get a "second chance" at love. The way I see it this is her 4th chance and his as well since I am his 3rd wife and she has had 3 husbands. She is pure trash.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

I know him from the his birth. He was not only my brother but I cared him like my son. I dont know when he had fang and spit venom into my happy family.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

The OM for my wife was someone we both went to High School with. We went to her class reunion (we were a year a part in school) and there he was. It started about a week or so afterwards.

He was a ahole in High School and nothing has changed


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

My WH had 2 OW in EAs which, I think, he did so he would not cross the next line into a PA. He "talked" about it with the first one but she was 2000 miles away and 15 years younger and I don't know if it would have happened, so no, I did not know her or the next one years later. He met them online.

I did see pictures of them though. The first, younger one, sent him a Glamour shot, literally, she went to that place and had a photo taken when she was all dolled up and she still was not even pretty. The allure was that she was young, brunette (I'm blond) and a biker chic who lived near the beach, a place he always wanted to be. What an ego boost she was to him!

The second one from 2011/2012 sent him a picture from when she was about 30 yrs old, she is now 50. She tried to tell him that is what she still looked like and when he saw a later picture where she looked quite 'different' ( older and heavier) she told him it was because she was at a football game and didn't have makeup on. Wow, she must have some amazing makeup!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Let's see..... I'll go down the list in chronological order. Keep in mind that when we began R three years ago, I only knew about OW3. The others were trickle-truthed out beginning in late 2012, after nearly 2 years of False R. Our divorce will be final in about a month.

OW1 - She got let go from her job and I was hired to replace her. She and my husband slept together at a party a month or so later. He didn't know her name, while I'd spent nearly a week with her at work as she trained me to be her replacement.

OW2 - Even WH didn't know her.  His buddy picked her up in a bar and when he was done, H hopped on. He never knew her name.

OW3 - H's long-term EA was a family friend, a personal friend of mine, and our next door neighbor.

OW4 - Sexting affair with a woman H worked with. I met her several times at company functions.

OW5 - Didn't know her. Another ONS, but at least he got her first name this time.

I know several of the generous handful of other women he "talked to" and texted/emailed as well. One is the mom of one of our son's friends. Another two are his co-workers. Yet another is his LTA partner's best friend. 

My husband is not particularly selective.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

I didn't know him, but I knew OF him. 
She had told her previous bf that OM was "unresolved" at that time. I asked her if he was "resolved" when we started, and she said he was. 
I guess I should've asked a few more questions.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

OM POS #1- close family friend. His daughter and mine were best friends. We vacationed together... 

OM POS #2- friend of the neighbors. We used to chat together in our small town.

OM POS #3- total stranger.

See the trend?


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Personally new one (unscrupulous Ahole and think he actually raped her from the story I get as it was only a ONS and she was extremely drunk and blacked out yet she doesn't think it is a rape as she says she has a hard time facing it) and knew of the other (he was a BF from the past).


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Knew him, but only through my W.

He was her good friend in college - I met him right when we started dating (also in college). We were not close friends but I considered him an okay friend of mine.

Funny, right after DDay 1, he expressed more remorse than my wife did.


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## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

OM was a neighbor and we were on our way to becoming the best of friends. Needless to say we are no longer friends nor neighbors
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Never met him. He's a lowly piece of sh*t that I would never ever associate with, under any circumstances. My stbxw went for the bottom of the barrel.

Hope he was worth it.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

OW
#1- his best friend's maid of honor at their out of toen wedding I could not attend due to obligations at home(ons/BJ).

#2-his coworker at the time, I saw it coming and warned him, he did not listen (sexting/EA).

#3- never met her. have not seen her face I do know where she lives though. EA discovered this past weekend. Aug 17th bleed into Aug. 18th due to trickle truth. 
EA was Very short only a few weeks long via email, text, and short hang outs. Not physical, I believe that at least is fact, but he feels it was headed that way. He told his whole family everything on the 18th. 
I am a mess.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Kurosity said:


> OW
> #1- his best friend's maid of honor at their out of toen wedding I could not attend due to obligations at home(ons/BJ).
> 
> #2-his coworker at the time, I saw it coming and warned him, he did not listen (sexting/EA).
> ...


Strike three.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

No, I didn't. 

But my wife very kindly introduced me to him. Wasn't that nice of her?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> No, I didn't.
> 
> But my wife very kindly introduced me to him. Wasn't that nice of her?


You have got to be freakin' kidding me. You're a bigger man than I, Matt. I would've gone to prison had that happened to me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

3putt said:


> You have got to be freakin' kidding me. You're a bigger man than I, Matt. I would've gone to prison had that happened to me.


Not kidding, sadly.

My wife views things very differently. Literally. 

This evening she had a severe panic attack. Why? She could not recognise the street in which we have lived for over ten years. Why? We walked down it on the other side of the street.

She had no terms of reference and could not recognise any building, even though they were neighbouring houses. She failed to recognise our house, either.

I just felt so bad for her.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

Yea I knew him when we lived in Plano. Ugly guy and I was like WTF? Him? He used to be fairly well setup now can hardly pay his bills. Funny after I found out she broke all contact with him but email would still get through and somehow he could still see my Facebook. Well I am a advid shooter and posted pictures after it happen with me and son at range. He sent her email about all the medal and class he holds which are not true.

So wife went through her friend list and anybody she thought might be friend with him she axed.

No email is funny you can't in gmail block someone only setup filters. So we setup a folder for his crap. And no email change was not an option as you ever change it or a phone number and now everyone can not call or contact you. But it gave us something to look at to see what kind of person he really was. Blame her for his actions, etc.....


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Never met OM and never knew him. Old high school boyfriend.

Lucky for him.


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## LaQueso (Dec 30, 2012)

Yes, POSOW belonged to the same dojo that my STXH and our children took classes and they taught classes too.She invited us to BBQs with people from the dojo at her house and birthday parties for her kids.She and I used to talk and share mom stories and she was going through a divorce due to her ex cheating so she vented about that. She held my newborn daughter and reassured my mother that she would "take good care of me."I even met her mom. I later found out that she had been telling her family i didnt exist and that my STBXH and his mom (who lives on the mainland!) were taking careof our five kids. I guess she told her mom I was a nanny or something.She came to our house for Thanksgiving and Christmas (we had block parties) and other parties in my neighborhood. My neighbors are ill about having her in their houses. 
They were using our kids as covers while they were hooking up. Disgusting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

No way, I live with a cheater not a scumbag.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Knew him, one of her colleges. Been many times in the restaurant/bar havin a drink (hes a waiter).
He's was very nice to me, every ****in time. And behind my back after work, they banged in his car.
Coldblooded, Oscar-worthy play...


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Om 1. I did not know him. 
Om 2 . I did not know him

After my revenge. They both know me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Never met my fiance'sEA. but I could find enough stuff on her on social media that I showed my fiance that we could have met -epecially if she had wanted to (I had no idea about her for a few months) since I regularly RSVP'd to meetup activities. 

Did it ever occur to you, I asked my fiance, that this woman could have cornered me at a meetup activity and repeat many of the things that you said about me to her?


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## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

Yep, OM was a friend from a few years back, was my friend, she barely would say hello to him. flash forward 12 years later, 
OM to her " you know you are my best friend right now"
my Ex fiancé- " Yep you are mine as well"
She could talk to him, he didn't judge her, he told her to follow her heart..
anyways karma is a ***** , and whether its next week, next year or 10 years from now , I will see him again, and we will have a conversation And he will swing on me, and I will defend myself, and all will be well.


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## confusedFather (Jul 15, 2012)

The first my W didn't even know. It was a ONS with a guitar player in a Virginia Beach bar band. How cliche.

The second was a past coworker of both of us. We were friendly with each other and met with other coworkers often but were not friends. He's the one that haunts my thoughts.


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## sang-froid (May 2, 2013)

First marriage, my H was the best man at OW's wedding. 

This time, the OW were not people I knew.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Yeah, I knew him. I thought he was a stand up guy. He actually helped "us" with some handy man stuff over the years, but I didn't know him that well. He looks like Gomer Pyle and talks like Goober. He was the Assistant Fire Chief near our town before he retired, and an ex-cop. Church going, well respected, and 3 kids.

Thing is, since his wife was my wife's best friend, it never occurred to me that my wife would have an affair with him. Stupid me.


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## havenrose33 (Aug 7, 2013)

DHs first OW was my best friend. Happened right under my nose, and I never saw it...
DHs second OW was with a much younger chick he met at a bar when he started his new job....a thousand miles from home.
....also found out he made arrangements to meet up with a couple for a threesome in the new town, but backed out. You know...that trouble older men sometimes have...or else, I am sure he would have followed through with it.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Come to think of it I actually felt like I knew him. I was down the backyard the other day and stepped in dog sh!t. I looked at that steaming turd under my boot and said "Is that you hiding there you POS scumbag?"


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## 4myson (Jul 17, 2013)

I knew her the same way you did. Not well but she did socialize with us on occasion and they had known each other for years. I'm pretty sure it was one of those friendships where she was in love with him and he was okay with her, but not interested in anything meaningful. She became the OW because she was easily accessable, willing and he knew she'd keep the secret. The POS actually came to the hospital and held my son while I was recovering from C-Section and she enjoyed the extra time with my WH. The A started while I was pregnant and carried on until I caught them using VAR when my son was 2 months old.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No


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