# Birth control/not getting turned on



## kcb22 (Apr 18, 2012)

Hi,

I have a bit of a problem in my marriage, and I don't really know anyone I can talk to about it that would give good advice.

I'm having a hard time getting turned on for sex. 

My husband is very attractive to me, he's handsome and sexy and affectionate. We're in our early 20's. I am a bit overweight but unlike a lot of overweight girls I am pretty confident both in and out of the bedroom. 

I noticed the drop-off in sexual desire when I got on the pill. For a while we were living apart so I could finish college, and when we did see each other once a month or so I'd wanna have sex right away. But now that we live together it's really dropped off. I see him and he's very attractive and I love him and I want to be close to him, but my body just doesn't seem to want to.

I ran out of my prescription and couldn't get a doctors appointment to refill it in time. I was off the pill for about 4 days while my husband was away for a few weeks for work. After 2 days I felt normal again and I wanted to have sex (even though he wasn't there.) When he got back we used condoms in addition to me being back on the pill again.

So I'm fairly certain this lack of libido has everything to do with being on hormonal birth control. 

I won't consider going off birth control because I am nowhere near ready to have a baby yet, and I don't want to change methods like an IUD because I don't like the invasive nature of it and I have heard of really bad physical complications from them. I like how my birth control has been working for me, as far as keeping my skin clear, getting rid of cramps, and of course preventing pregnancy.

Is there a way I can get turned on again without going off my birth control? I know certain foods are aphrodisiacs but those never seem to work for me. Are there other medications or things like that that might work?


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## kcb22 (Apr 18, 2012)

P.S.- This is not to say we don't have sex. We do. A lot of the time I just kinda make myself, because my mind wants him even though my body is being stupid. And once we get started it's great. I just want to want it more often.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I hate the pill and the best thing I ever did was get off of it.

If I were you I'd be looking into non hormonal bc like the IUD. That's what all my younger friends have and they love it.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Ask your doctor if she can prescribe a different BC pill. They all have differing levels of hormones and when/how much is delivered. Maybe a lower dose pill wouldn't have as much effect on your sex drive.

I think there is even one kind that is progesterone only, and does not deliver estrogen. Ask about side effects and effectiveness. I think they used to call it the mini-pill, but it's been a while since I've looked into BC pills.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Perhaps use condoms instead of the pill?


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## kcb22 (Apr 18, 2012)

Mine is actually a low-dose pill. I completely hate condoms, but I deal with em if needed. (The only time I missed a pill was when I ran out so we used em for a few weeks after that.) Plus condoms do break, it's not a surefire method of birth control. 

IUDs terrify me. I can't even really handle pap smears, let alone that. I'm a wimp when it comes to pain.

Any other advice?


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Well to be honest I hate condoms myself, and you are right about them breaking.

Do you two plan of ever having kids? If not why not ask him to get an vasectomy?


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I don't know if this is everywhere, but any doctors I've ever had and those in their practice wouldn't put an IUD in a woman who hasn't had a child. I don't know the reason behind that, but it seems to be pretty common practice.

How about the sponge or a Diaphragm? I tried the Nuva Ring, but that's hormone based as well, but I thought it was great.

ETA: I believe the reasoning behind the IUD and childless women, is the small risk of messing up her fertility.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

I am glad you have quickly figured out the problem with BC pills. Many doctors will tell you it is not an issue - but it is. If you stay on them for a long period of time, they can actually mess your hormones up for life. Many of my generation is now dealing with that mess and trust me, it is not fun. 

Do they still make diaphrams? if they do you deal with the spermicide which is not always fun either. My daughter is using an IUD and loves it. Most other BC methods that I know of have a hormonal component - which I would recommend avoiding like the plague - cause it can be a plague!!


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

mary35 said:


> I am glad you have quickly figured out the problem with BC pills. Many doctors will tell you it is not an issue - but it is. If you stay on them for a long period of time, they can actually mess your hormones up for life. Many of my generation is now dealing with that mess and trust me, it is not fun.
> 
> Do they still make diaphrams? if they do you deal with the spermicide which is not always fun either. My daughter is using an IUD and loves it. Most other BC methods that I know of have a hormonal component - which I would recommend avoiding like the plague - cause it can be a plague!!


Yep, they do lol. I haven't ever used one, not my cup o' tea I s'pose. I have a sensitivity to spermicide that is usually unpleasant as well. I want to go with an IUD myself, but can't really afford it at the moment. I plan on having my tubes tied at 35.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I went through this many moons ago when I was on the pill... I just knew (like you) that once we got started I/we would have a great old time. So really it was a mental thought to begin with...then body joined in once we got warmed up. 

Came off contraception when i fell pregnant with my last child and sex drive has been high ever since :smthumbup:


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Yah ... do some of your own research on what's available out there, then go back to your ob/gyn and talk about what your options are and the symptoms that you currently have. I would recommend considering anything that is non-hormonal.

Being on hormonal bc is one of the biggest things that I regret... was on it through my 20's and 30's and I'm sure now that it did a bad number on me ... and I was totally ignorant then about how messing with your hormones can have a very profound, and often lasting, effect on you.

Best wishes.


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

mary35 said:


> I am glad you have quickly figured out the problem with BC pills. *Many doctors will tell you it is not an issue - but it is. If you stay on them for a long period of time, they can actually mess your hormones up for life.* Many of my generation is now dealing with that mess and trust me, it is not fun.
> 
> Do they still make diaphrams? if they do you deal with the spermicide which is not always fun either. My daughter is using an IUD and loves it. Most other BC methods that I know of have a hormonal component - which I would recommend avoiding like the plague - cause it can be a plague!!


I was on for like twenty years off and on. It caused me low sex drive also. So glad hubby got a vasectomy.

Can I ask what, what long term complications did you get from BC pills? I have been off 3 years now but I am starting to notice other changes (skin issues, weight issues again etc..)
Woudl like to know your experience if possible


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## Icing (Dec 21, 2011)

I was on the pill for about 3 years before I met my husband and everything was fine. But then my sister started giving me this BC (she's a doctor) that she was getting for free from lab adverts so I started taking those and initially all was great... but then.. my sex drive completely disappeared... and that was like 3-4 months into my relationship with my husband. Of course he got upset about it, and we started researching and found out that indeed some BC can have that side effect and whats worse, it may never come back! so we both got scared and as soon as i finished that pack i stopped taking it.
about a year later however, we realized that I cant have an IUD and condoms are uncomfortable etc.. i started to also get hormonal acne, and now im back on the pill...

However.. no changes to my libido 

Long story short, it might just require that you change the BC your taking. For some reason, different brands have different effects...


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you for this post. I am going to try not using bc pills next month to see if it changes my sex drive. I haven't bought condoms in years!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I was on BC for 3 weeks after I had our baby.

Worst thing I ever did. Didn't have to worry abuot getting pregnant because I didn't want sex! EVER!



Stopped that shet really quick. Libido was back in 3 days.


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## kcb22 (Apr 18, 2012)

Thanks for all the advice!

We do plan to have children- but we've only been married a year and we're both young, so we wanna wait like 5 years or so and make sure we're out of debt and living in an area we want to stay long term. (Husband is military- don't wanna raise kids on my own when he deploys.) 

So IUD is apparently not an option, and neither is vasectomy. I've heard they can be reversed but that it's not a guarantee that the reversal will work.

I've never used diaphragms, but I can look into those. Spermicide doesn't bother me, we use a spermicide sometimes during the middle of the month (I REALLY don't want kids yet!! ). 

However spermicide on it's own isn't a sure thing either. That's how my parents got me.  lol

I'm going back to the doctor in six months so I'll talk to her about it then.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

One other option in conjunction with vasectomy (though it's potentially expensive): have his sperm frozen for later (may be better to freeze your fertilized eggs, though I'm no expert).

Then he can proceed with a vasectomy, but yeah that's extreme which is why I didn't mention it first off.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

As someone involved with medicine you should all know that the drug companies all have the doctors drinking the preverbial coolaid that medicine are great and should be used to cure what ails us. It is called the practice of “medicine” right, not holistics. Generally, docs seem to have a tendency to mitigate the side-effects. 

My wife and I used to laugh that the pill worked if for no other reason than it kept us from F*##ing!!! LOL Totally killed her libido. She also cannot stand condoms and her IUD caused problems too. I am not convinced that a vascectomy is so benign either. 

Believe it or not we are using the “pulling out” and or abstinence as BC. One is risky and the other stinks. 

I know someone suggested freezing sperm and getting vascectomy. From what i understand only a knife-happy jerk of a doctor would ever recommend this option. If a doctor suggests this i would first consult an ob or another doctor before doing it. 

This is a BIG problem for my wife and I and others too. If you find success please share it with your friends at TAM. 

Good luck.


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