# Drifting apart every day



## 403wife (Nov 14, 2011)

My husband and I have been married for only 2 and a half years and we came to the conclusion today to consider seperating. 
My husband loves me very much and has been fighting very hard for this marriage to work. But we've had so many problems in the past few years that we have been drifting apart every day. He goes out on the weekends and just doesn't come home. I wanna spend time with him but he'll blow me off and hang out with his friends instead. 
My husband and I are 16 years apart in age so im wondering if this makes a huge impact on our marriage.
We hardley have sex anymore because my heart just is not in it anymore, and hes quite upset about it. 
I need some advice on what to do, should we seperate or just try to work thru this? We were considering taking some time apart and maybe this will help us communicate more since we just dont talk about anything untill it exploids!
I should also mention a few months back I found out that I can no longer have children naturally and this hurt very much when I found this out. Which I have been pretty depressed about since we were trying for a baby for so long. Well when I found this out my husband didnt wasnt really understanding on why i was acting so differntly which i was pretty upset about. 
Anyway I need some advice, if you need more info on the situation just please ask! Thanks


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

One of you has to go first 

Either you start to put out like a newlywed in heat and he will come around and romance the hell out of you or he starts romancing the **** out of you and you WANT him and JUMP him like a newlywed in heat as a result. 

Right now the ol' HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS isnt happening at all and wont unless YOU or HE BREAKS the cycle of resentment. 

Before all the crap it was amazing no?

You gotta break that cycle or forget it.

Thats it


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## 403wife (Nov 14, 2011)

Ya befor all the crap it was amazing. Thanks for the reply!


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

403wife said:


> Ya befor all the crap it was amazing. Thanks for the reply!


Good then put the hammer down and fix it. I did it four years ago and its amazing all over again. 

I just turned my response to you into a new thread and added to it. 

I called it "wanna act like nbewlyweds inheat all over again? do this" or somethinglike that. 

All the best. It can be done


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Men are easy....give him lots and lots of sex. Nastier the better.

Women... not so much.

But it is true ONE of you has to let go of resentments and start doing for the other...EVEN if you get no positive reinforcement.

In time they WILL come around as long as there is no 3rd party involved.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You hardly have sex with the guy and normal people don't like rejection. Naturally, he tends to avoid you. The obvious solution is less rejection and more intimacy/sex. It might feel a little awkward at first, but when the relationship provides more of his needs, I bet you'll find it will start providing more of yours, too.


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

How hard can he possibly be trying to make it work if he's taking off on the weekends?

Sure, more sex is great, but when you are getting blown off every weekend for him to go hang with his friends, that probably doesn't leave you feeling very wanted.


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## 403wife (Nov 14, 2011)

Mindful Coach said:


> How hard can he possibly be trying to make it work if he's taking off on the weekends?
> 
> Sure, more sex is great, but when you are getting blown off every weekend for him to go hang with his friends, that probably doesn't leave you feeling very wanted.


True thats why my heart hasn't been in it. He says he takes off on the weekends because he doesnt feel loved or wanted at home, but its just a stupid visiouse circle.

I took the first step last night and went up and laid in bed with him and cuddled with him while watching tv, it was nice and felt really good just to be close. We didnt have sex but it was a step closer in the right direction for sure.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

That's what it takes small steps... keep making them. Bravo.

Think about the tortoise and the hare. Who wins?


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