# Help! I hate my MIL!



## unhappy mummy

I am seriously at the point now where I am going to either leave my partner or force him to cut ties with his mother. We have been together for 4 years and have 2 children together, his mother and I have never gotten along. When our first child was a few months old she applied for shared custody simply because 'she did not see her grandchild enough', she lost in court and we did not speak for some months, however my partner felt sorry for her and let her back into our lives, things were alright for a couple of months until she began invading our space, coming round all the time, demanding to look after our first child every week, sending me nasty messages if I said no. It caused so much problems that eventually a year ago me and my partner split.

My partner worked full time so naturally I retained custody of our children but he still saw them, my MIL decided this was not on and applied for full custody! calling child protective services saying I abuse my children etc, obviously she was disproved and she lost in court again.

A couple of months later my partner and I tried again and we are now happy with 2 children, we even moved 5 hours away from either of our parents. However my MIL sends me abusive messages, tells me to 'get f*****d' and I'm 'nasty and controlling' and demanding every gift she ever gave us or our children back (which isn't very much anyway) finally this morning after the last message I have had enough, my partner tells me he doesn't want to cut her out but I'm at the point where it's either me or her, my mum has a great relationship with her grandchildren but I no longer trust, or want my MIL around my kids. 

Am I justified? Help!


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## SadieBrown

Are you justified? Yes, yes you are. 

This is way beyond being a meddling mother in law. This woman sounds crazy. 

Is she married? If so where is your father in law in all this? Because it sounds like someone needs to take action and have this woman examined and perhaps committed. I can't believe for a second that she treats you like this and is 'normal' with everyone else. 

Your husband needs to man up and deal with this woman. How can he want to let her back in after she has taken you to court twice over frivolous lawsuits and trump-upped charges, and the nasty messages she has sent you?. Does he not realize just how far out in left field this is from normal behavior? 

How did she treat him when he was a child? He probably needs counseling and you need to get a retaining order that prevents her from coming near you or contacting you in anyway. Look at what she has already done trying to take your kids form you. Who knows what she could do in the future if she really flipped out. I have a feeling this woman is not to be taken lightly. Tell your kids that if they ever see grandma they are to RUN!!!!


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## F-102

You sure are justified-this lady is a psycho! Go ahead and give her back the gifts-along with a restraining order.


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## golfergirl

F-102 said:


> You sure are justified-this lady is a psycho! Go ahead and give her back the gifts-along with a restraining order.


I should introduce her to my MIL, mine isn't quite as bad but I (ok not even close), but I do see some similarities. Your H needs counseling because remember this nut raised him too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum

You are are 100% right and yes he should cut contact with someone who would cause so much grief and stress to his family and you his wife. it doesn't matter if it's his mother or not. Unless of course he would prefer to be married to and grow old with her instead.:scratchhead:

normal people do not try and take custody of their grandchildren without severe abuse or neglect.

She is more then controlling and meddling, she is crazy.


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## that_girl

Oh my god. This is awful! 

My husband doesn't talk to his stupid mother. Even though that gives HIM issues (that he's working through) ...I don't have a mother-in-law (never met her) and I'm happy about that.


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## unhappy mummy

Oh thank goodness! I was beginning to think I was being unfair. My partners argument is that last year when I left him his mother was the only person who was there for him and he doesn't want to cut her off and have me leave him again and he to be left with no one. I've tried explaining I'm not going to do this but he's very insecure about it. 

The MIL is married, however not to my partners father, she cut off contact with him when my partner was 4 months old and he has never met his real father, her husband is lovely! he loves our kids and understands that she can be unreasonable but he just wants an easy life and just goes along with whatever his wife says. 

I don't think it helps that my partner is an only child so these are her only grandchildren, when my partner was 8 my MIL was told she couldn't have any more children, she really wanted a girl so when my daughter who is the eldest was born, she tried to claim her as her own. My own mother thinks my MIL has a very unhealthy obsession with her grandchildren.

I've told my partner I am cutting off contact with her to me and our children, and he has said fine but what I really want is for him to open his eyes and see that he should think about doing the same or I'm always going to feel like he is OK with his mum abusing me every other day!


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## unhappy mummy

she's not normal with everyone else either! her husband has 3 children from a previous marriage, his children are around the same age as my partner and my MIL has banned her husband from having any contact with his children. This woman takes jealous to the extreme!


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## dojo

Well, you have all the right to do so and she does seem 'deranged'. If he can't understand she needs to get OUT of your lives, then let him go back to mommy dearest and leave you alone. This is not a life and certainly not a family. I can understand the MIL to give some advice and help, but this can be done as long as you're pleased with her influence, which you are not. If she can't act like a NORMAL person, then she can see her grandkids in the Christmas cards


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## Phoque

There's really nothing you can do except have a positive mindset and try your best to tolerate her. If she won't change, you're gonna have to. Yes, I can definitely understand how difficult it can be but you just have to do it.

Are you justified? Of course, in-laws are one of the most common causes of divorce! It's normal.

Then again, do you feel like it's not worth it? Do you feel like that your hate for her is stronger than the love for your husband? If so, perhaps it'd be best to end the marriage.

So basically what I am saying is that you unfortunately have to suck it up if you genuinely do love your husband enough to make it all worth while.


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## BeetleBug

Phoque said:


> There's really nothing you can do accept have a positive mindset and try your best to tolerate her. If she won't change, you're gonna have to. Yes, I can definitely understand how difficult it can be but you just have to do it.
> 
> Are you justified? Of course, in-laws are one of the most common causes of divorce! It's normal.
> 
> Then again, do you feel like it's not worth it? Do you feel like that your hate for her is stronger than the love for your husband? If so, perhaps it'd be best to end the marriage.
> 
> So basically what I am saying is that you unfortunately have to suck it up if you genuinely do love your husband enough to make it all worth while.


I don't agree. We're not talking dropping in unannounced or meddling, we're talking court and custody trials.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Timmar317

WOW... I am at a loss for words. I am so glad you posted, because I am terrified of having a family with my husband for this exact reason.


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## 4sure

F-102 said:


> You sure are justified-this lady is a psycho! Go ahead and give her back the gifts-along with a restraining order.


:iagree::iagree: Change your e-mail, phone # so she can't contact you. She only needs his #.


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