# Now the poor dog suffers



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

She texts me last night to tell me that she is giving the dog away because she thinks it's cruel to leave the dog alone while she works her 12 hour shift. She works from 6:30pm to 6:30am and the dog is alone on the nights that she works as the kids are with me. So I proposed to her, "hey, on the nights you work me and the kids will come by and get the dog and take him for a walk and feed him". I even told her I wouldnt step into the house and that I'll send in our son to get the dog and to feed him. I thought that was reasonable enough. Well she replied that no she is just giving me the respect to tell me she is giving the dog away and or I should take him. I told her that she is being completely unreasonable and irrational and not thinking about what giving the dog away will do to the kids. It turns out that she finally received the letter from my attorney and also got a call from her attorney about the issue we had about her bringing her boyfriend around my kids. Looks like another case of her lashing out in anger against me and the kids and now the poor dog is going to pay for it. I think she is being completely irrational and unfair. SHe has an issue with me and she is taking it out on those that it will truly affect which are my kids. I left off telling her to not do anything yet and that I will make arrangements for the dog and in the end my kids will thank me for keeping the dog in their lives.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Hi Rico, I am sorry you are going through this. Sometimes it appears like everything our exs do is only to hurt us.

However, your STBXW will have your kids around this new man whether court ordered or not. It's a losing battle that i am well aware of. When i was in this position, I gave up on trying to keep my child away from the new man (as it only makes her think youre jealous) and just worked on being the best dad i could be. Your kids will know who there real dad is and who loves them.

This is a losing battle that I've lost sevaral times when my wife was already having overnights with my daughter.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Well it's a battle that I am completely willing to fight. If she doesnt comply then my lawyers bring it in front of a judge. I am not going to put the minds of my children at risk in a confusing situation, they are 6 and two and I will not idly sit by and let her think she can do whatever she wants. We have joint custody and all issues pertaining to our children are to be made mutually between both of us and when she does not respect my role as a father I will take issue with it.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Want to know what my lawyer told me when I brought this up? He said the judge doesn't care!!! The courts don't care! 

The only thing the judge and the wonderful state of massachusetts cares about is. Where the child will live, how will the daughter be supported? Custody agreement? and whether both parents will have legal custody.

My lawyer said i could cry wolf 500 times infront of a judge saying she cheated and already has my child around a new man. But if the child is safe and the mother is stable. (no drugs or booze abuse) then there is nothing I can do.

Did i need a better lawyer?

I just wanted to add that sooner or later, she will most likely remarry and have another man around your kid. It's the hard truth and i know the pain that this can cause. You just need to work on being the best dad you can possibly be.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

little different in NY, The judge takes into consideration the age of the children and how this can affect the kids. My lawyer is a heavyweight here in Long Island in the divorce lawyer circle and he rubs elbows with all the other lawyers and judges and he said that judges frown upon this in a major way. the effect that this can have on a child is immense so they look out for the physical and mental well being of the children. For the record I do not expect her to be alone forever. In fact I welcome her new relationship and hope she moves on to be a happy person. I feel it is still wayyyy to soon to introduce a new man into the lives of children who do not grasp the concept of divorce and separation. The papers have not even been drawn up yet. Divorce is not even finalized. Like I said I have come to grips with another man eventually being in their lives but at this point it isnt the right thing for them as I have refrained from bringing them around any women. I dont want them to see a revolving door of men or women in their lives, that is just too unstable. They need to see stability within our future relationships.


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