# Anyone else think they're wife is just not right in the head?



## bob1471 (Dec 27, 2013)

Sometimes I'm sure mine is not. Some of her behaviour sometimes just beggars belief. For instance,

1. She thinks shes always right. EVERY SINGLE TIME without fail. She is never wrong EVER. Surely this is not right? Everyone knows they're not perfect dont they?

2. Shes got to win an argument EVERY TIME. No matter what the consequences she will never back down. EVER EVER. If it escalates to murder then she would do so. Really. 
This is really scary because if I dont back down she wont.

3. She is absolutely convinced that she is reasonable and I'm the worst husband in the world. Again really....

Sometimes I wonder what on earth is going on in her head.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Has this gotten progressively worse? Not trying to be smart here but why would you stay in this marriage. She couldn't have been like this the whole time.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Has this gotten progressively worse? Not trying to be smart here but why would you stay in this marriage. She couldn't have been like this the whole time.


Stress, sickness, teenagers, etc can make this worse, but it is an identity issue.

I am guessing the answer to Tom's question is that it has gotten worse as the walls have been built up, and you operate on a "need to know" basis now, i.e. if she dosent need to know you dont tell her.

Is she a "rule" follower?

Does she has a "need" to be right. 

It is hard for someone like this to "cherish" and "cultivate" the connection/relationship.

Of course this is all based on one post and is more than likely way off the mark.

Let us know.

Take care!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

LOL is that a loaded question or do you pack a lunch?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Meh, she's just arrogant with a power/control issue, not mental, but borderline.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sometimes people that otherwise have little control over their own lives will get like this; they reach for whatever control they can get.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, I only have one advice for you.

RUN, RUN FAST AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

There is nothing worse than a person that thinks their **** don't stink.

She is simply completely inconsiderate......the worst type of a being.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

bob1471 said:


> 1. She thinks shes always right. EVERY SINGLE TIME without fail. She is never wrong EVER. Surely this is not right? Everyone knows they're not perfect dont they?
> 
> 2. Shes got to win an argument EVERY TIME. No matter what the consequences she will never back down. EVER EVER. If it escalates to murder then she would do so. Really.
> This is really scary because if I dont back down she wont.
> ...


This describes my ex perfectly. She eventually was diagnosed bipolar, but I think that was a _separate _problem!


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Yes… My wife is insane. Some tips that help. First, accept that she is completely mental and start treating her that way as far as the conversations go. Essentially, dive head first down that rabbit hole. You can’t reason with crazy… So don’t bother. Instead, think of yourself as an explorer in Wonderland. You want to have an adventure in her head so you can figure out kind of how she goes from A to Z. Once you figure out that, then you can insert stop signs and off-ramps.

My wife’s ‘perfection’ had a ton to do with her own insecurities and a heavy reliance on external validation. Basically, she built this whole false façade to hide the scared girl. Being wrong, looking bad, etc. is her fear simply because she feels like this a lot of the time. So, in her head, she needed to project the opposite to ‘fix it’ because everyone should see how perfect she is. 

I interrupted that by adoring my little sociopath. I shared her the Zen stuff where beauty and uniqueness come from those scattered imperfections around us. It was ok to be wrong occasionally and just admitting it didn’t change how I saw her. What was changing how I saw her was that need to be right all the time; it wasn’t a pleasant perception of someone anyone would like to be around. 

It helped me a lot too. No longer was I seriously annoyed, but sort of found it funny where she’d chose to make those “I’m right” stands over itty-bitty stuff; best times to argue. Because it was funny, I could mess with her. Just start making outrageous claims and subject shifts during her grand stand moments. Pound on your chest and claim you are master of your keep! God speaks through you and tells you how you load the dishwasher! That sort of stuff…. Basically what you are doing is interrupting that brain process where she knows how the old you would respond and has already countered it; You can’t reason with crazy, so join them.. 

Now let her try to argue that you don’t really hear other voices in your head. She can’t. Insist they are there and tell her to open her mouth wide and stick out her tongue so these voices can resonate in her mouth when you touch tongues. Seriously…. This can be fun as hell rather than the frustrating resentful thing it is now.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Frankly, bob, I think the problem in your marriage is _you._

I have given you several tips on how to deal with her, and to my knowledge, you have ignored almost every one. Are you trying to solve problems, or just coming here to vent?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

bob1471 said:


> Sometimes I'm sure mine is not. Some of her behaviour sometimes just beggars belief. For instance,
> 
> 1. She thinks shes always right. EVERY SINGLE TIME without fail. She is never wrong EVER. Surely this is not right? Everyone knows they're not perfect dont they?
> 
> ...


I used to be like this. Not proud of it. I got my head handed to me on a group not to different than this one. Saved my marriage. Get her into MC.


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## bob1471 (Dec 27, 2013)

jld said:


> Frankly, bob, I think the problem in your marriage is _you._
> 
> I have given you several tips on how to deal with her, and to my knowledge, you have ignored almost every one. Are you trying to solve problems, or just coming here to vent?


Unfair jld. As you can see from my other posts I am trying some things.


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## bob1471 (Dec 27, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Has this gotten progressively worse? Not trying to be smart here but why would you stay in this marriage. She couldn't have been like this the whole time.


Hmmm. I guess to a certain extent shes always been a little like this at least.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

There's plenty of personality disorders that could cause behavior like that...


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

john117 said:


> There's plenty of personality disorders that could cause behavior like that...


My thoughts exactly though I'm tainted by my own experience. Definitely consider it though...could save you more years of suffering.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Vagina is a hell of a drug...


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

She argues her perspective and won't back down until she agrees with you. It is your job to prove your side. You can't prove why your way is better, then there's no reason to adopt it over her way. 


I hope you take time to discover the amazing woman you have there. With her strong will, she can do amazing things. If you do t like her idea, offer a better (convincingly better) one or shut up and get on board.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

COguy said:


> Vagina is a hell of a drug...


:lol::lol::lol::lol:I'm Rick James b****!


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

Saddly, it doesn't sound as though a mental illness is to blame. From what you're describing, she sounds like an unreasonable and stubborn person who likes an argument. 

In many ways a spouse with a mental illness is probably easier to deal with than someone who just wants to goad you all the time.


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## MRABoysHaveSmallPeanut (Mar 13, 2014)

No, as a male I have never thought of myself as a wife.


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## SeaStarIn (Mar 26, 2014)

They are women and no matter how much we may love them the are not right in the head That is probably what we love about them


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## bmf1978 (Apr 21, 2014)

Sounds like Narcissistic Personality Disorder


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

at least 2weeks of every month
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I think Racer is spot on -- she is looking for external validation because of her own insecurities. To be quite honest, I can be a lot like this... I have issues from my upbringing that I have had to do a lot of work on to overcome. 

She doesn't like being vulnerable. She has feelings that make her feel like she can't fail (includes being wrong). You are the worst because she has to be the best. Something in her life made her feel like she wasn't good enough. 

Ask her to listen to the TED Talk on vulnerability by Brenee Brown, and see if it resonates. It took me a LONG time to identify why I felt a need to be such a perfectionist... and I am still working on it. It is a long road with many walls to scale.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

bmf1978 said:


> Sounds like Narcissistic Personality Disorder


She needs to show more traits to be a narcissist. 


Google NPD signs and let us know if she fits them. Think hard though. Don't just guess, she has to consistently show these traits. 

If she's not NPD, then you just have to deal with her as to knowing she won't change unless you stop accepting her crap. 

What other things does she do that is just plain out of the relm?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

bob1471 said:


> Sometimes I'm sure mine is not. Some of her behaviour sometimes just beggars belief. For instance,
> 
> 1. She thinks shes always right. EVERY SINGLE TIME without fail. She is never wrong EVER. Surely this is not right? Everyone knows they're not perfect dont they?
> 
> ...


You're describing my wife.

My solution to problem 1: flex my biceps, laugh, and walk away.

My solution to problem 2: flex my biceps, laugh, and walk away.

In short, the best solution to problems #1 and #2 is not to play the game. Go watch the end of WarGames.

My solution to problem 3: let her go. If she leaves, she's gone. If she stays, she respects you. There is no middle ground.

When I ran into problem 3, I got in shape, got confident, and got hit on and checked out a lot -- in front of her. Not on purpose, just a side benefit of being a better man.

If she really things #3, my solution was to make sure she knew there would literally be a line up of women willing to take her place. And that I wasn't going to take her BS any more.

Didn't mean fighting. It meant going out and being awesome.

Good luck to you buddy.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

marduk said:


> You're describing my wife.
> 
> My solution to problem 1: flex my biceps, laugh, and walk away.
> 
> ...


That's excellent advice, as long as she's not "Bat sh!t crazy". If she has any type of disorder, you can become a sex rank 10, and it won't fix crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

jerry123 said:


> That's excellent advice, as long as she's not "Bat sh!t crazy". If she has any type of disorder, you can become a sex rank 10, and it won't fix crazy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


BSC exempts any and all advice.

The only thing I've noticed is that while I 100% think my wife is BSC at times (seriously, I'm not joking here, therapists involved), those times seem to be dramatically reduced when my actions are sometimes contrary to my emotions.

as always, good luck to you.


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## mikealone (Nov 26, 2008)

My wife is like this. Last night my wife went to the store for cake making stuff, I asked if she could get bread and milk too.

When she came back no bread or milk. I said "You forgot the bread and milk" she replied " I was not going for bread and milk, I was going for cake mix".

I had to go myself to the same store for the bread and milk. I bought myself a new jean belt and cap while I was there.

My new rule: Every time my wife annoys me I treat myself. I'm going to have lots of treats this year. :smthumbup:


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Yes


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

mikealone said:


> I had to go myself to the same store for the bread and milk. I bought myself a new jean belt and cap while I was there.
> 
> My new rule: Every time my wife annoys me I treat myself. I'm going to have lots of treats this year.


That's a passive-aggressive way of dealing with things. Essentially, you're unconsciously admitting that your wife calls the shots in the relationship and doing something to sabotage her feeling of authority, without actually taking any real control of your life. That is not the action of a confident man. 

Next time, just get the stuff you want yourself. And don't treat yourself because she made you feel bad. Treats are for kids when they get an owie. Be the master of your feelings. Do this long enough and your wife will show you respect sooner or later.


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## mikealone (Nov 26, 2008)

MSP said:


> That's a passive-aggressive way of dealing with things. Essentially, you're unconsciously admitting that your wife calls the shots in the relationship and doing something to sabotage her feeling of authority, without actually taking any real control of your life. That is not the action of a confident man.
> 
> Next time, just get the stuff you want yourself. And don't treat yourself because she made you feel bad. Treats are for kids when they get an owie. Be the master of your feelings. Do this long enough and your wife will show you respect sooner or later.


True, I've just started reading "No More Mr Nice Guy". I doubt my wife will ever show me any respect. I believe she has borderline personality disorder.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

mikealone said:


> True, I've just started reading "No More Mr Nice Guy". I doubt my wife will ever show me any respect. I believe she has borderline personality disorder.


How much respect do you show yourself and how much crap do you take from her or others?

I ask because I was amazed when I started this journey how much BS I took from my wife, from my coworkers and bosses, and my "friends."

And how much my life got better when I stopped taking it and learned the word "no."


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Our wives must be sisters. I have to put up with that crap to. Nothing I say in any argument matters, but every word in what she says is important. It baffles me how someone can think they are right and have no fault...ever. I think its just generally part of her overall childish, immature personality.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

jb02157 said:


> Our wives must be sisters. I have to put up with that crap to. Nothing I say in any argument matters, but every word in what she says is important. It baffles me how someone can think they are right and have no fault...ever. I think its just generally part of her overall childish, immature personality.


My wife acts that way constantly.

That is, she used to. When I let her get away with it.

People get what they tolerate, and people learn very quickly what they can get away with.


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## mikealone (Nov 26, 2008)

MSP said:


> That's a passive-aggressive way of dealing with things. Essentially, you're unconsciously admitting that your wife calls the shots in the relationship and doing something to sabotage her feeling of authority, without actually taking any real control of your life. That is not the action of a confident man.
> 
> Next time, just get the stuff you want yourself. And don't treat yourself because she made you feel bad. Treats are for kids when they get an owie. Be the master of your feelings. Do this long enough and your wife will show you respect sooner or later.





marduk said:


> How much respect do you show yourself and how much crap do you take from her or others?
> 
> I ask because I was amazed when I started this journey how much BS I took from my wife, from my coworkers and bosses, and my "friends."
> 
> And how much my life got better when I stopped taking it and learned the word "no."


Not much. Over the years I have taken plenty of crap I was always the guy to fall on, I kinda thought that everyone else were kinda crazy and couldn't help themselves. My life is already much happier. What a mug I have been. Now I'm going to be the guy I want to be, the real me.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

My DW is very insecure, and she always accused me of something when she is feeling down. Sometimes it really amazes me, because she is pretty and sexy like hell. I really love her alot, and she was an awesome wife when she was fine. We did get into a lot of fighting because of her constant accuses, and she always had to win everytime we were arguing.
I finally found the way to deal with that, it did take a lot of patience. Now everytime she accuse me of lying or cheating, I hug and kiss her, and show her how much I love her, really give her the attention she want. Because she was like that whenever she felt I was neglecting her, or if I was busy with myself and didn't give her enough attention. Sometimes we just have to find a way to really get to know our wife, to understand them. What will make her day, and what are her insecurities, etc. And women do speak a different language than man, most often woman said one thing and mean another. Learn to be patient and really listening to what she mean, and she will let you win sometimes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

marduk said:


> How much respect do you show yourself and how much crap do you take from her or others?
> 
> I ask because I was amazed when I started this journey how much BS I took from my wife, from my coworkers and bosses, and my "friends."
> 
> And how much my life got better when I stopped taking it and learned the word "no."


I agree totally with you. From some of the replies it very much shows lack of respect from many of the wives.... The more people allow their wives to get their own way ALL the time, then they will continue to do so.

I think the word NO is definitely a starting point.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

bob1471 said:


> Sometimes I'm sure mine is not. Some of her behaviour sometimes just beggars belief. For instance,
> 
> 1. She thinks shes always right. EVERY SINGLE TIME without fail. She is never wrong EVER. Surely this is not right? Everyone knows they're not perfect dont they?
> 
> ...



From what I've learned of the ladies and being married for 14+ years, I can say the following.

- many ladies don't like to be told what to do
- many ladies are never wrong, when they are
- many ladies don't lift a finger and tell their man to do this or that
- many ladies use their sexiness to get their men to do this or that for maybe sex later on
- many ladies talk about doing this or that and it never gets done.


I am more black and white were as my wifee is more color. She multitasks more were I do one job at a time. I do the one job excellently were she does the multitasking not that great. I have an eye for detail, she does not. I put things back exactly were I found them, she does not. I am neat, clean, tidy and her not as much. She has a habit of trying to tell me to do this or that, while she does nothing, so I tell her do it herself and use your body. That gets her thinking and she starts doing things, a good thing. For us, its not a matter of who's right at that time. It's a matter of how to get it done and properly. Mrs.CuddleBug is not the extreme controlling type and neither am I. Men and women are very different in their thinking, ways of doing things and emotions. We compliment each other, what the man lacks, she has and what she lacks, he has. But yes, ladies do drive me nuts at times.....


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

"All cruelty springs from weakness."
- Seneca


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

She's insecure - this is how insecure people deal with things - they find ways to nitpick about little stuff so they can feel like they're in control. My wife is like this to a degree - will try to make everyone else around her happy (even her PITA sibling who is a constant thorn in our side), but to me, she will nit and pick about little stuff (the dishwasher isn't loaded right, you're not changing the kids' diapers right, etc). I try to play the calm and cool one that doesn't get rattled, but occasionally I'll blow up at her, which will make her mad, but then she'll be better. It's all about picking your battles.


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## JerryB (Feb 13, 2014)

mikealone said:


> My wife is like this. Last night my wife went to the store for cake making stuff, I asked if she could get bread and milk too.
> 
> When she came back no bread or milk. I said "You forgot the bread and milk" she replied " I was not going for bread and milk, I was going for cake mix".
> 
> ...


Wow.

There's a thousand ways to deal with this. 

Surely there are tons of examples that you can live out that mirror what she did to you. It should be easy to show her out ludicrous living would be if you were each only out for yourself.

Specifically, though. I would make sure to grab & drink her glass of milk each meal when it starts. And when setting the table, or cooking for the family, there should be no milk or bread where she's sitting.

Brought out to it ludicrous climax, separate bank account, your check deposits to yours. When she asks,... "Oh, I'm just working for myself".

By the way, sorry to hear this. What she did was not just her getting her own way, but an actual jab at you. Going OUT of her way to hurt you.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

It confounds me when women that can't tell North for South, can't park a car in a garage, can't use a remote control, can't kill a spider, can't tell a good man from a jerk-off, can't cook spaghetti, can't operate a printer a or water faucet, can't make a bed by themselves, can't find an address, can't close a ziploc bag, can't tell a stock from a bond, can't see after dark, and can't clean an oven seem to believe that their decisions should be final, yet not held against them.


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