# Dealing with the Unreasonable



## gad787 (Jan 12, 2012)

My fiance recently threw me out and turned on the security alarm at house. We have a new born baby. I fell head over heels for my fiance and gave up everything to be with her. I'm a 25 and have a pretty active social life. I've always been loyal to her, paid the bills, have my own business that is doing phenomenal, I spend 99% of my free time with her, but she has always had major anxiety/ocd issues and never could trust me. Even though I've never cheated on her, nor am I the flirty type of guy, she would never trust me to have a guys night out or really do anything on my own. She always accuses me of not telling her things and exaggerates things that I do wrong. I've always been an occasional pot smoker (meaning once a month or so), and a social drinker (6-12 drinks a week). She's known this about me since we first started dating and ever since she got pregnant she demands that I don't need "guys nights" (which I only did maybe once a month) and then I am never to smoke pot again (which I stopped because it wasn't worth losing my family over). But she still can't trust me. Every time I do something without her she thinks I am out there flirting and smoking pot and getting wildly drunk. It's always effected our relationship because of the fact that she can't trust. And it got to the point where we made a mutual agreement that I would stay at my parents house for a couple of weeks in hopes that the separation would rekindle our love (I know that sounds wierd, but we read online that it actually could help). Well once I went to my parents house she took off her engagement ring, put on a security alarm at the house, and is now shunning me from my new born daughters life...this is not what I wanted and I'm so confused how badly everything has become. I'm seeing this evil side to her that I never knew existed. She won't even let me see my daughter on my birthday this weekend. I never thought it would come to this, but I may have to get a lawyer. I'm just so confused...anybody been through anything similar?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

shes crazy. be glad you didn't have more children with this crazy bi*ch. cut your losses and move on.

sorry this is so blunt But I would bet in a few years if you didn't take this advice you will be sorry you didn't.

hows the sex ....plian and you have to beg for it.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> shes crazy. be glad you didn't have more children with this crazy bi*ch. cut your losses and move on.
> 
> sorry this is so blunt But I would bet in a few years if you didn't take this advice you will be sorry you didn't.
> 
> hows the sex ....plian and you have to beg for it.


Chilly is right.

Stop ****ing around and get a lawyer now.

Is your name on that child birth certificate?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Preventing you from engaging in outside activities is abuse.

Keeping your kid from you is abuse.

Throwing you out is abuse.

Exaggerating your behaviors is abuse.

Get a lawyer, get away from her and fight her in court for custody.

And quit smoking pot. It will be used against you very soon and you may have to submit to a test.


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## gad787 (Jan 12, 2012)

Yeah, fortunately my daughter has my last name and I'm listed on the birth certificate.


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## Endgame (Nov 6, 2011)

Well, let's see. She has a newborn baby and all the added stress of it and she's probably feeling a little down as many women suffer postpartum blues which can be exasperated when the significant other doesn't support her and be there for her when she needs that support. Running out and hanging with friends when she really needs someone, yes, it could lead to rage! And, rightfully so.

I would calm down and try to communicate with her and see where her emotions are. We all have dark sides, no one is perfect and when we run from adversity instead of facing it head on, then we never "grow up." Always blame the other for their ills and never look to ourselves and see what we may have done to contribute to a meltdown.

Just my point of view, take it or leave it.


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## TwoDogs (Jul 29, 2011)

Not sure if the anxiety/ocd "issues" you referred to are actual diagnosed mental health conditions that she has, but my best guess is that she is experiencing some sort of postpartum hormonal episode either on its own or exacerbating existing mental illness.

She needs to discuss this with a doctor.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Being named on the birth certificate and the baby carrying your last name DOES NOT establish legal paternity.......you need to get a court order establishing you as the legal father. Only in marriage is the husband acknowledged as the presumptive and legal father even if (God Forbid) he is not the bio father.

See a family law attorney ASAP, if your relationship is not going to work you may consider including a custody/visitation and child support determination.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

gad787 said:


> It's always effected our relationship because of the fact that she can't trust.... I'm seeing this evil side to her that I never knew existed.


Gad, the behaviors you describe -- inability to trust, temper tantrums, constant blaming, verbal abuse, irrational arguments -- are some of the classic traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which my exW has. Only a professional can determine whether these traits are so severe as to constitute full-blown BPD. Yet, even when the traits are well below that diagnostic level, they can make your life miserable and undermine a marriage. 

The inability to trust is especially damaging because trust is the foundation on which all LTRs must be built. Moreover, when a woman is incapable of trusting you, you will never be able to trust her because -- as you've already seen -- she can turn on you at any time.

Further, because you've known her for over a year, you are perfectly capable of spotting the red flags (i.e., strong occurences of BPD traits) if they are present. There is nothing subtle about traits such as inability to trust, lack of impulse control, and verbal abuse. I therefore suggest you read about these traits to see if most sound very familiar to you. An easy place to start is my description of such traits in Maybe's thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell.html#post473522. If that discussion rings a bell, I would be glad to suggest a good book and excellent online resources. Take care, Gad.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

****ty, man.

Hope you learned some valuable lessons from this:

Problems before marriage become worse.


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## Tap1214 (Aug 14, 2011)

You are only 25 years old and have your whole life ahead of you. She sounds very controlling, insecure and have the attitude of "do it my way, or no way". Thank god, you're not married to her!!


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

She is toxic. runnnnn forest runnnnnn!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

She is who she is. She isn't going to change. Can you live with this forever?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> shes crazy. be glad you didn't have more children with this crazy bi*ch. cut your losses and move on.
> 
> sorry this is so blunt But I would bet in a few years if you didn't take this advice you will be sorry you didn't.
> .


Spot on. Move on. File for your part of custody and get on with your life. She is toxic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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