# Niece beating other kids up



## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I just wanted to find out how other people feel about this.

My niece is 12, she is my brother's daughter and has an older sister and brother and a younger brother.

They are a mostly dysfunctional family and this comes out in the kids' behavior. My niece gets teased at school, sometimes due to the fact that she acts out in stupid ways, and she tries too hard to be accepted. 

Recently she told her parents a girl at school was picking on her, and her mother told her to punch the girl and that would show her. So my niece broke the girl's jaw the next day and was suspended from school. Her mother was so proud of her.

The next week she was back at school and another kid made a remark to my niece. She jumped on the girl's back, knocked her to the pavement and ground her face into the concrete. Suspended from school again. Once again, the mother is bragging all over facebook about how proud she was.

The older son, 16, has dropped out of school, the older daughter, 19 has 2 children. The younger son, 11, just lives in his own world, he takes care of himself.

My question, is it wrong for my niece to be encouraged to resort to violence? My own kids were taught to rebutt teasing with clever words and to walk away and ignore them. None of my kids have ever been in a fight, except for karate tournaments.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

Your brother's family does sound dysfunctional and all the kids seem to be destined for trouble but how we teach our children to deal with teasing / bullies is a difficult one.

I think parents should tailor their advice to fit the personality of their child and the situations that the child faces. 

IHMO the worst thing to do about bulling / teasing is nothing, encourage children to report bad behavior, to try to talk their way out of trouble or defuse difficult situations.

I feel however that there does come a point when the only answer to a bully is physical force I was taught and teach mine that if all else fails then it is acceptable to defend yourself (or others) but they should not be the first one to resort to force. The hardest thing I have found is to teach about keeping responses proportional. (Grinding someone’s face into the floor was not proportional to name calling but a punch on the chin could have been the correct response to being punched / kicked by another child).

If we take childhood as a preparation for life then look at how the advice we give our children will work for them once they are adult. If as adults they are too quick to resort to violence then they could find themselves charged with assault but on the other hand none of us would want our children to develop a victim mentality.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Your sister in law sounds like a real loser.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Your sister-in-law has four kids and 100% of them sound like trouble. I'll give you a preemptive response for any future questions regarding your SIL's parenting decisions....they'll be wrong. Without meeting her, I'll speculate that she's a hot mess, herself, because, too. If a decent adult human raised four chimpanzees, at least one of the chimps would grow up pretty well behaved. 
There are very rare occasions when violence is a reasonable and appropriate problem-solving strategy. In such cases, it's usually the only logical strategy. "Teasing" isn't one of those occasions. Hearing unflattering words isn't such an occasion. 
It's the job of parents to transform idiot kids into civilized, productive adults. An adult who uses violence inappropriately isn't civilized or employable. 
Sadly, the reward your kids will receive for obeying the rules and becoming productive, civilized, citizens is that their labor will be taxed and the proceeds will be handed over to your SIL's deviant offspring.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Yes, my SIL is a mess, she and my brother were heavily into drugs and drink until a couple of years ago, although she still sometimes goes out clubbing and drinking with her friends.

My brother is reclusive, he suffered a severe leg injury a couple of years ago at work and now only leaves the house for medical appointments and the like.

I have always said one or more of those kids is going to end up in jail, but no-one ever listens. My mother is so focussed on only seeing the positive, she thinks that if those kids do one good thing, it means they have turned around and are now heading to a life of being productive citizens. She is much harder on our kids, they do one thing wrong and it is all I hear about for months.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> My question, is it wrong for my niece to be encouraged to resort to violence?


I'm with Wiltshireman on this one. 

My daughter was taught to use her mouth if she was angry. She was taught to walk away from trouble. Although the school rule was to tell a teacher, I think this sends a bad message to kids! It makes them a victim who can't deal with their own problems. She can tell the teacher if ANOTHER child is being bullied and won't stand up for him/herself.

I told my daughter IF someone puts their hands on her, she was to tell them 'Don't touch me.' If they did it a second time, she was to knock their hand away and say clearly, 'I told you not to touch me.' If they touch her a third time I told her to haul off and punch them HARD (not in the head, chest, or stomach.) I told her that she should tell the principal to CALL ME because I would go down there and back her up as long as she had followed my rules!

She's in 10th grade and I haven't had a single call yet! (Knock on wood.)


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Bellavista said:


> My question, is it wrong for my niece to be encouraged to resort to violence? My own kids were taught to rebutt teasing with clever words and to walk away and ignore them. None of my kids have ever been in a fight, except for karate tournaments.


I've taught my kids to be quick to violence once violence has been perpetrated against them.

If it were between my daughter getting suspended or getting beaten up I prefer suspended.

I wouldn't accept what your SIL is accepting (promoting) from your niece as "defense".

Your SIL is way off base.
What is your brother doing about it?


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

My brother does not seem to have much control over the kids, he spent too many years off his head. He seems to try with them, but has little effect on their behaviour.

In the instance of the jaw breaking, apparently the girl said something to my niece, who then hauled off and punched her in the mouth, there was no prior hitting by the other girl.

Some people just should not breed.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

OMG! You bet it's wrong! She's going to get kicked out of that school if she keeps it up. Your niece is a bully and the parents encourage that behavior.

The kids have it so hard when they are teased at school. I believe most schools have a no bullying policy. If another child punched my own child and broke a bone I'd take legal action in a heartbeat. 

I don't allow children who behave in such a manner to play with my children. 

Your niece is going to end up using drugs and ending up in prison as an adult if she continues to behave this way. She's out of control. What happens if it goes too far and she takes another life? Would her mother be proud then?

Edit to add.... There is no excuse for her behavior. Unless there was an adult there, it's all hear say of the attacks. The niece could of just not liked the girl. Regardless if something was said, this violence is highly unacceptable!


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Her mother would blame the school, society, anyone but herself. Every time one of them has been suspended, she blames the school, the teachers, the other students, anyone else.

I don't admit to having perfect kids or being a perfect parent, by a long shot, but I have tried my best to raise my kids to be decent, functioning members of society.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I think most of us parents raise our children to their best ability, but then there is that low percent that does not care. I have 3 myself and I've raised one into adulthood already.

There are parents who should of never had children, especially when there is abuse or neglect involved.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Sounds to me like your niece has turned into a major bully and is heading down a bumpy road. If one of my kids broke someone's jaw, I wouldn't stand for it. And if someone did that to my child, I would take that kid and her family to court...especially a re-offender. Someone's got to get it through to this family that what they are teaching is wrong before it's too late


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