# Hurt and Confused by drinking problem



## mamaof1 (Jan 20, 2011)

My husband and I have together for 7 years and married for almost 4, and we also have a toddler together. My husband is a wonderful person, however the problem comes when he drinks. The drinking is not everyday or even every week, but when he does drink he comes to a point when he can't stop and becomes a different person. 

The person that he becomes when he drinks, is one that I can not stand. He becomes mean, and hurts me emotionally in many ways, and then the next day-he always tells me how its going to change. He's going to give himself a drinking limit or learn to control himself while he is drinking. Time after time we have gone through this cycle and nothing seems to change.

A few weekends ago, things became worse when he scared my toddler to no end while on his binge. The next day I told him that I could no longer handle this and that I wasn't sure that our marriage could survive this anymore. He told me that he would do anything to prevent that, whatever it took. But I dont believe him, the trust has been broken and I believe that this not drinking "period" will come to an end just like all the other times. I dont want my marriage to end, but I dont trust him and I dont see the same person anymore. When I tell him these things, he tells me that a lot of this is coming from me being "unhappy" in general, but when I explain to him that my "unhappiness" is rooting from the drinking and the person he becomes when he drinks, is a concept that he is having a hard time grasping. 

I dont know what to do anymore....just need some advise please!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

As an alcoholic, I can tell you that he can change but it will probably mean giving up booze completely. I can't drink socially. Once I start, I continue until hammered. I'm not a mean drunk, in fact I usually just pass out. I just don't want to be passing out while driving, at work, or any time.

Zero booze is the answer. Otherwise it will just get worse and you and your toddler will be on the downhill ride with him.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

mamaof1 said:


> My husband and I have together for 7 years and married for almost 4, and we also have a toddler together. My husband is a wonderful person, however the problem comes when he drinks. The drinking is not everyday or even every week, but when he does drink he comes to a point when he can't stop and becomes a different person.
> 
> The person that he becomes when he drinks, is one that I can not stand. He becomes mean, and hurts me emotionally in many ways, and then the next day-he always tells me how its going to change. He's going to give himself a drinking limit or learn to control himself while he is drinking. Time after time we have gone through this cycle and nothing seems to change.
> 
> ...


My husband has other medical issues besides drinking, but he wasn't a nice drunk either. But I could never get through to him that he was a different person, because of course I told him when he was drunk and he couldn't see it.

It took a PTSD episode, a medication issue, along with being quite drunk (a BAC of .257) the night that he beat the hell out of me to change his drinking habits.

So, if he gets mean and violent, be careful. I learned the hard way that he just can't drink. With his medical issues, meds and other problems, it's a time bomb waiting to go off.

Fortunately, because of the episode last month, he decided/agreed to quit drinking - has only had one small relapse but has remained drink-free. He is much more pleasant but I do have to admit I miss the mushy-talk he used to give me when he was drunk - he said such sweet things sometimes that of course he doesn't remember now and won't say sober!

Guess you can't have it both ways, huh?

Be careful!


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## Pinkpanther (Dec 17, 2010)

Hi there. I can totally relate to your situation. I was in a marriage, where most of the time everything was fine, until my husband drank. He didnt drink everyday but once he started he couldn't stop. He also became verbally and phycially abusive when drunk which made things worse. We dont have kids thank god, but I kept asking him to stop drinking. But he always said that I was the one with the problem not him. For a while I did believe that as my confidence and self esteem were at an all time low. Then he did it one time too many and got violent again before christmas. So I left him, I kept telling him that I would go and he would always tell me that he would change. Im so glad I went and I have lst all trust with him as well. Its very hard I know esp as you have a child together but sometimes you have to put yourself and your child first. I feel really sad thatmy marriage has ended but I know its for the best and you havent got all that stress on you anymore. If you wanna chat then feel free to message me. Take care and keep smiling x


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

You're going to have to send him a clear and concise message that you're not going to tolerate his drinking. AT ALL. This might mean separating from him. I would also go to Al Anon meetings. This is a potential recipe for disaster, and MarriedWifeInLove posted. You can send a clear message now before something worse happens. If he's scaring your child, that's enough. MORE than enough.


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## Anes (Feb 5, 2011)

Hi,

You know there are a-lot of us women out here who has the same problem you have with your husband. I am from New Zealand have been married to my husband for 13 years and I have separated from my husband four times in row, and right now i am writing this in our bedroom with the door locked, while my husband is drinking with his friends in the Living room....If I say boo to him he will beat me up...I have a son who is married with four children. My husband is not the paternal father, and we have no children in our marriage....Right now if I had the finance I will leave him for good...You can write to me if you like to talk to someone.

Cheers now.
Anes.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Insist on him going to AA. Reasure him you will be there with all your support, but he has to attend and do the work. You also go to Al-Anon. If he refuses to go his behavior will get worse. 

I hate alcohol it has destroyed so many good people.


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