# thanks



## Alex87 (4 mo ago)

thanks!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

You're way over thinking it. Or watched too many movies portraying TV only proposals. Once a guy buys a ring and firmly decides to propose he's thinking only of that and can't wait to do it. He'll be almost oblivious to all else until he gets through the proposal. It's that important and worrisome to him.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Alex87 said:


> Hello, Iam not a native English speaker and this text is really long (sorry!):
> 
> But I’ll try my best and just hope for a bit help. Because right now I feel really lost and after already talking with my fiance, my family and friends about it ... I just need advice from people who doesnt know me: I've been with my partner for 9 years and we've been living together for 8 years, we've been through many ups and downs and have often talked about marriage, children and the future and I'm just happy having him in my life … every day. He makes me happy and whenever he's around I feel safe. I really already knew years ago: I will marry that man. So far so good
> 
> ...


Life is _full_ of disappointments. You will likely have more experiences in life that you spent months or years building up, then they don't go to plan. It's okay to be bummed out. This is a bit much though. 

You want the IG worthy proposal? Many of those are probably staged or don't go to plan at all. This is the problem with SM. What should matter is that the man you love wants to spend his life with you, not bragging potential or how many "likes" the announcement got. 

I understand wanting to be able to return to the spot where he proposed, I've done that, but find a new tradition instead. And really, once kids enter the picture many of those ideas go out the window. And definitely don't think you will always get good, IG worthy photos of your future kids - they don't always cooperate and parents need to go into photo sessions with low expectations. You have to learn to let go of ideas like that, now is a good time to start.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I proposed to my wife while we were washing dishes at her parents house on New Year’s Eve. She loves telling that story lol. 
Believe me @Alex87 pretty soon you will look back at his proposal with fondness.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

You are putting too much importance on how he proposed instead of why. He loves you and wants to marry you. That should be the focus. Look, I proposed to my wife in the most unceremonious way. After being together about 2 years I enlisted in the Army. I met up with her right after while she was on her lunch break from work. I said something along the lines of, "I just enlisted and I want you to come with me, do you want to get married?" That was while standing on the sidewalk in front of where she worked. It was about as unromantic as it gets. Thankfully she said yes and 6 months later we were married. We've had an incredible marriage. The proposal had no effect on the outcome of our marriage.

I did eventually make it up to her. Not long before our 30th anniversary we were at home having dinner with our kids. They were in college at the time and it was becoming more rare for all 4 of us to have dinner at home together. I had just recently found paperwork from my enlistment, so I knew it was the day I enlisted, which meant it was also the day I "proposed". I asked her if she knew what day it was. She had no clue. I told her and I proceeded to get down one knee with the kids there and proposed "properly". We've been married over 32 years now.

Don't get hung up on how he told you he wanted to marry you and be with you for the rest of your lives. Focus on the message, not how it was delivered.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

You know you don't have to ask us this question, right? You already know the answer. 

The possibility of you getting any sympathy from any of the men here is slim to none. 

I can't believe you've made your fiance feel so bad that he is considering getting you ANOTHER ring and re-doing the proposal some other time so that you can have what, some sort of cinderella style proposal? 

You are being very immature and very rude.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I proposed after sex in bed when we were on our first vacation to my home town after we met my relatives and local friends. We lived in Texas and I took her with me to a hometown music and seafood festival. 

I did it with the ring so she could announce it to family and friends during the next few days. The first person she told was my mother btw. 

I wanted her to have that opportunity to enjoy announcing to all. I really didn't tell anyone, she took care of that. 

I carried the ring for three days waiting. Tbh, I was fairly inebriated but did a good job.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Not that this is you, but your way of rationalizing things gives a glimpse into the mind of all those women that become "bridezillas" for their wedding. So much fairy tale princess syndrome in today's world.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Priorities sister. In the grand scheme of life.. these things do NOT matter. Did I miss your age? I couldn’t finish the last of the paragraphs, apologies yet there was just SO much complaining vs gratitude. Take look at some of the stories on here, take a look at mine and you’ll realize MAYBE, I hope, what you have in a man.

Let it go.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

My now exH proposed to me while sitting on the couch... no ring. When I realized what was happening I said, OMG!! OMG! You don't even have a ring, took the one off I had on and gave it to him to put on my finger. 

Slow down and take a deep breath.. he tried.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

LATERILUS79 said:


> You know you don't have to ask us this question, right? You already know the answer.
> 
> The possibility of you getting any sympathy from any of the men here is slim to none.
> 
> ...


No sympathy from women, either.

You are lucky he isn't taking back the proposal, period.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Livvie said:


> No sympathy from women, either.
> 
> You are lucky he isn't taking back the proposal, period.


Amen! 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I’d be more worried about the 9 years and holding onto the ring for 6 months.

What was he waiting for all that time?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You need to concentrate on getting you two in the same town employment-wise. If not, you will end up a single mother or same as one. Or if you quit work, you will be trapped with no options. If you're 100% sure this is the guy you want to be with, get you two in the same town and you don't like your job anyway so...

You were having a bad day and he's not a psychic. Get over the proposal. You need to decide if this is really the guy or if you're always going to be a little dissatisfied and disappointed, but no guy is psychic.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I hate this whole thing. My wife will still, 25+ years later, look at me when she sees someone on TV get down on one knee.

I proposed in a swimming pool, at night, while we were alone, and I thought, at 22 years old, that was romantic. Couldn't get on one knee or would have been underwater.

Totally get it that this is supposed to only happen once, and because of that, it should be magical. But good grief, give the guy a break.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I was married long before there was all the staged stuff for IG. He was never a romantic and the proposal was about what I would have expected (had I really been expecting it). But I wasn’t expecting it and so the whole thing was borderline cringy. I still have very fond memories of it — we were so ridiculously young and clueless. So I’m afraid no sympathy from me. I think your bf did a lot more than many men would have. And, believe me, in the grand scheme of life it’s not the proposal that matters even a little bit


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)




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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I know this isn't at all helpful but after reading this post my only thought was this man should run for his god damn life.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LATERILUS79 said:


> You know you don't have to ask us this question, right? You already know the answer.
> 
> The possibility of you getting any sympathy from any of the men here is slim to none.
> 
> ...


She gets no sympathy from me either and I am female. Good grief OP , stop watching all the set up proposals on social media and be thankful you have a good man who wants to marry you. Your expectations are far far too high. I dread to think what your expectations of a wedding are.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

If you want a show why don't you put one on. Propose to him, and make it as romantic and over the top as you want. True romance doesn't always have to be about you getting it, it can also be you giving it.


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## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

Is it possible that you aren't actually in love with him? My husband proposed when I was 20. We had been living together in a 1 bedroom efficiency and had no money. He bought my first ring at a pawn shop but didn't have enough to pay for it in full..so he gave me the receipt for Christmas. It was truly never about the ring or HOW he proposed, it was the love we had for each other. Twenty-two years later it has been full of ups & downs, a new & larger ring, problems with our oldest, job loss, etc...but I kept that receipt...because that day meant the world to me.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

HurtinFl said:


> Is it possible that you aren't actually in love with him? My husband proposed when I was 20. We had been living together in a 1 bedroom efficiency and had no money. He bought my first ring at a pawn shop but didn't have enough to pay for it in full..so he gave me the receipt for Christmas. It was truly never about the ring or HOW he proposed, it was the love we had for each other. Twenty-two years later it has been full of ups & downs, a new & larger ring, problems with our oldest, job loss, etc...but I kept that receipt...because that day meant the world to me.


Yeah but to be honest that's a pretty epic story.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Are you really in love with your boyfriend? I don't think people in love care about a proposal as long as there's one! 

My husband proposed to me on the couch of his tiny studio when I thought he was going to break up with me. 

He thinks it was a horrible way to propose, but I think it was perfect for me because I was really surprised! I was in shock and didn't answer right away. He said "I'd understand if you don't want to!" 🤣 

I don't think you appreciate the thought or the effort your boyfriend put into planning a special proposal on the rooftop with a nice view. Maybe you should let him go so he can find someone who can appreciate his efforts.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

😬


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Livvie said:


> No sympathy from women, either.
> 
> You are lucky he isn't taking back the proposal, period.




"Awhile back the lady janitor at the building I work in asked if I wanted to smoke pot with her. I told her I don't like being around high maintenance women."

I'm emotionally drained reading that OP and I only got halfway through.

(Dad joke courtesy of Logan Lisle)


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

I just can’t help thinking that you are going to be VERY disappointed in many aspects of adulthood/marriage and parenthood if THIS is causing you this much ongoing stress. The fact that you can’t move on from what should be a mild disappointment that should be overshadowed by such love and engagement joy doesn’t bode well for your fiancé. He DID plan something special and romantic. You just didn’t like it. Mine proposed in his underwear on one knee at 2:00am because he was waiting for me to finish a huge paper and didn’t want to distract me before I finished but the minute I finished he did it because he had the ring and couldn’t wait. Do I wish it were some grand gesture? Maybe? Maybe not. Because it was perfect as it was, imperfect and all. Because that is life. But I didn’t think that at the time! I was so happy and excited! That you can’t move past this tells me that he’s maybe more of a security for you than the love of your life. Seriously, you need to REALLY think about this. There’s a whole lot of people here who married for security and more of a friendship type of love, and in the end they end up totally screwing that safe, kind, innocent friend, badly. And the fact that he is not pissed off at you about this kinda tells me he might be on here someday talking about how his wife gave him the ILYBINILWY talk and he can’t imagine why. Is he always passive? Please, really, really think about this before you potentially take up 10 years of both of your lives making each other miserable. And please understand, I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings; I’m just saying that they should not be this prevalent for this long. This should be the happiest time in your life. That it’s not, needs to be explored. I get the impression from your post that you’re trying to convince yourself that you are in love with him. You get along great. He sounds great. He treats you great. He makes you feel good about yourself. But none of that means that you’re _in love_ with him. Because if you were you’d be over the moon happy right now. High as a kite. Really.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

My Beloved Buddhist and I were sitting on the balcony enjoying the end of the day, and he said he would like to get married in Spring. I said, “May. I like May. Pick whichever May you want.” He said, “The next one?” I said yes! And the rest is a Princess-Bride-level Love Story.

I get it. You wanted doves to fly and rose petals to float softly around you as the gleam from the diamond reflected in your eye. But that’s not real life nor how adults make the decision to get married. If you have a good man whom you love who loves you well—focus on that!


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Affaircare said:


> My Beloved Buddhist and I were sitting on the balcony enjoying the end of the day, and he said he would like to get married in Spring. I said, “May. I like May. Pick whichever May you want.” He said, “The next one?” I said yes! And the rest is a Princess-Bride-level Love Story.
> 
> I get it. You wanted doves to fly and rose petals to float softly around you as the gleam from the diamond reflected in your eye. But that’s not real life nor how adults make the decision to get married. If you have a good man whom you love who loves you well—focus on that!


🥰🥰🥰


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

The flip side of this is that you probably crushed this man...You may have forever damaged him , ....Only time will tell


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You are putting too much importance on how he proposed instead of why. He loves you and wants to marry you


This is the response


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## Melinda82 (10 mo ago)

Does the proposal sound like it could have been at a better time or in a better way? Absolutely. But like many others have said, he tried. Life isn't perfect. A woman who is truly in love will overlook the imperfections and focus on the positive--she's marrying the man of her dreams. Unless he isn't the man of your dreams. 

Are you focusing so much on the proposal being a let-down because you actually feel let-down by the idea of marrying him? 

You need to really think hard about this relationship and if it is what you want or not before taking up any more of this guy's time. He obviously loves you a ton. If you can't reciprocate and show him the same level of love and enthusiasm for the relationship, you need to do him a favor and break it off. If after doing some serious soul-searching, you still feel like he is the man you want to spend your life with, then stop focusing on life's little disappointments and focus on the big picture.


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## Alex87 (4 mo ago)

thanks


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Suck it up, my husband went shopping and came with a ring. No question, no celebration. He asked if I was sure that was the ring and I said yes. Life’s not a movie. If this is your gang up don’t get married.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Alex87 said:


> I honestly Thank you guys for all the answers! Its not easy to hear all of this, but I wanted honest answers, so thank you!
> 
> Maybe thats what I needed. I think my biggest problem is/ was that I honestly thought, that a propsal can fix other stupid things. Until this day I never knew how sad Iam, i just continued to function. I know a lot of people have bigger problems, Im not stupid. But It doesnt help to compare. I ignored my emotions for a whole year and this happened. I'm a woman, who ruined her own engagement. Just because life isnt like i thought it would be. And just to be fair: I was happy the first two weeks and never thought bad about this proposal. I just started thinking about all this stuff, while we were on vacation. I never had time before. So after realizing I lost myself somewhere, I just started overthinking everything in Life. And thats not good. And I really want a way out and Im saying myself "stop", because I know I cant change anything what happened. But sometimes it's hard to let go. I know most people here can't understand why Im so emotional about it. Im getting 30 this year and yes Im a lucky person: Until now I never had really big problems. So yes it hit me hards. Im thinking about getting help, because i really love this guy. This is the only thing I really know.


If you really love him then thank him for what he arranged for the proposal and move on. He must feel pretty disheartened and discouraged right now.


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## hub49 (7 mo ago)

HurtinFl said:


> Is it possible that you aren't actually in love with him? My husband proposed when I was 20. We had been living together in a 1 bedroom efficiency and had no money. He bought my first ring at a pawn shop but didn't have enough to pay for it in full..so he gave me the receipt for Christmas. It was truly never about the ring or HOW he proposed, it was the love we had for each other. Twenty-two years later it has been full of ups & downs, a new & larger ring, problems with our oldest, job loss, etc...but I kept that receipt...because that day meant the world to me.


This story made me tear up - reminded me of "The Gift of the Magi."


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Many proposals are imperfect, but those are the ones that make a couples love for one another unique and memorable. Perfection is a flaw when it comes to relationships - it is phony, staged and doomed for failure. 

I proposed to my wife late at night, after a date. It was freezing out and beginning to snow - but I had the ring and was just looking for the right moment. I then chose to drive her to the parking lot where she first told me she loved me. We both got out of the car and she asked me what the hell we were doing...that is when I turned to her and asked her to marry me. She said yes without hesitation, that was 11 years ago and I haven't looked back since.


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## Alex87 (4 mo ago)

t


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## meanderingmuffin (4 mo ago)

It seems that even though it was very late and you were tired and had a bad day, and you had a prior commitment, and you thought something bad had happened, you still were very happy to become engaged and with the proposal, even though you were on a roof despite being afraid of heights, you were at a picnic although you already ate, you had recently traded contentment for discontent, you were recently experiencing pain of death and sickness in family. You went through the awkwardness of congratulations at a funeral. You realized later that the timing of the proposal was based on the funeral date. It was a lot of bad feeling swirling around what is supposed to be happy moment. You were able to overlook it until you had the vacation together and maybe then thought you had unnecessarily experienced a lot of discomfort mingled with your joy, and it all could have been avoided. You could have had the perfect proposal memory instead of remembering the discomfort you were feeling that day,. Your fiancé would have chosen a different time had he not been affected by his grandmas death. He believed he should do it before the funeral. 

It seems that you see things from many angles and you are thoughtful. Your feelings are understandable...but also it could be like how some people can't have different foods touching on their plate. Like not wanting good feelings mixed with discomfort; not wanting certain events to coincide, like how you were thinking its good to wait to be engaged until you are in a better place. Even without being engaged, you were still together and committed all the while? You could have been married the last handful of years and living where you were living and it would all be the same in the end? Maybe you have an idea about how something is supposed to be. if you live in a bad apartment while married is it different than living in a bad apartment while engaged, or just living together committed? I get it that you all waited that long, why not longer to get engaged until things are perfect or easier? But is there a difference in the end? 

Sometimes a lot of bad things happen in clusters but then its smooth again. If you believe you two are good partners and will work together in life, then its good, and you'll probably get over this soon. Maybe you could do some counseling since it could be that you need help processing some of the other things you mentioned in your post besides the proposal?


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