# Newly Dating...Ghosting



## Corpuswife

Well...I am new to the dating scene (again).

I have been doing some online chatting and have went on a few dates.

The last guy, is working mega hours until the end of August. His hours will go back to normal 40 hours a week then. We had an early dinner (before he worked) and saw each other about 3 times a week. He played "hooky" one Saturday night and we went out dancing/live music. He was a lot of fun. 

We texted a great deal, the first week, and was going fast with things. I slowed the train in every direction. He understood and is definitely assertive and confident. The second week, his work picked up (he did a good majority of texting at work the first week). 

He stated that he's lived here 4 months and I was the first person he dated. I am aware of players and was on the alert and even discussed this with him in a teasing way. In addition, I spoke of waiting for sex. We have made out several times. 

He went back to his "home" state and forgot his phone (supposedly) last weekend. I was out of town as well. When I got home, I saw him briefly before work. 

The texts had slowed down. Now, we've had no contact for 2 days. I hear this is "ghosting" when a guy comes off hot and ends up cold really quick. This is a new concept for me. Obviously, weird and immature.

Any comments or folks this has happened to?


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## brooklynAnn

I only learned about this new term a few months ago. It's amazing within a few years how much things have changed. Good luck with your dating. It's good to see you are getting out there and doing thing. Keep having fun. If this fool does not reply, it's his lost. Good luck.


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## Mclane

Corpuswife said:


> I hear this is "ghosting" when a guy comes off hot and ends up cold really quick. This is a new concept for me. Obviously, weird and immature.


You're quick to reach conclusions which may be wrong.

Emotions often run hot in the beginning, then things get in the way. Perhaps after his initial rush of emotion and excitement, he came back down and decided perhaps you weren't as much his type as he originally thought, or he's in contact and maybe even dating several women at once and he's spending more time with one of the others, or he's busy with life.

From my own personal experience, when I've been out there dating I'm usually going out with, and chatting with several women until and unless things steady out with one of them and that can take a month or more.

I too tend to get an initial rush of excitement that rapidly levels off.

If that makes me "obviously weird and immature" then so be it but I think there's more to it than that.


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## Corpuswife

I think "its weird and immature" when the guy is telling me things that are rushing to a relationship/texting daily sweet words "baby" etc/wanting to be exclusive/stating he told father and kids about me.

It's understandable that early on a guy may be dating many people. He stated he was only dating me. It was short lived and I'm not laying awake at night. 

Then, he disappears. Nothing.

I have a relatively short dating life...so this is a new thing for me. 

A considerate person would say..."it's not working" or "I am to busy." Whatever. Not looking for drama but it's a good indicator of how he will treat potential conflict.


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## Married&Confused

did he just stop responding to your texts? have you sent him any?

he may be sitting there thinking "i think i've been ghosted"


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## Bananapeel

The term ghosting is when someone just disappears completely with no contact. Slowing things and not talking everyday is a different thing and is not unreasonable with a guy you haven't had sex with and haven't agreed on an exclusive relationship with. I don't think it's weird or immature on his part, especially if you know he's super busy. If you were having sex and agreed to an exclusive relationship then he should be willing to devote more time to you, but if you are still in the casual dating phase then I wouldn't worry about it.


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## Corpuswife

One of the last few texts was how we were going to be exclusive....I texted last. 

He hasn't responded.

If it's a "break" or "slowing down" or "ghosting" it doesn't matter. Courtesy is to say...SOMETHING. Not drop off. I would do this for anyone in my life. It takes 3 seconds to shoot a text. 

The fact is it's dating and often a crap shoot. 

Thanks for the input everyone!


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## Begin again

Corpuswife said:


> I think "its weird and immature" when the guy is telling me things that are rushing to a relationship/texting daily sweet words "baby" etc/wanting to be exclusive/stating he told father and kids about me.
> 
> It's understandable that early on a guy may be dating many people. He stated he was only dating me. It was short lived and I'm not laying awake at night.
> 
> Then, he disappears. Nothing.
> 
> I have a relatively short dating life...so this is a new thing for me.
> 
> A considerate person would say..."it's not working" or "I am to busy." Whatever. Not looking for drama but it's a good indicator of how he will treat potential conflict.


The fact that he told his kids about you is a big red flag. How long had you been dating? That's just too fast, and then to go hard stop (or fade out quickly) seems like either he's a player or he's unstable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad

Corpuswife said:


> In addition, I spoke of waiting for sex.


This is probably why you got ghosted.



Corpuswife said:


> This is a new concept for me. Obviously, weird and immature.
> 
> Any comments or folks this has happened to?


If he was REALLY into you, he's be more than happy to wait. Obviously he's not, so ghosting you is actually doing YOU a favor. 

The irony with a guy like him is if you put out too soon, he would have lost interest even faster. Keeping doing what your doing, this ones a dud.


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## Mclane

Corpuswife said:


> I think "its weird and immature" when the guy is telling me things that are rushing to a relationship/texting daily sweet words "baby" etc/wanting to be exclusive/stating he told father and kids about me.


Yes, that's over the top and points to at the very least "emotional instablility" on his part.


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## jb02157

BetrayedDad said:


> This is probably why you got ghosted.
> 
> 
> 
> If he was REALLY into you, he's be more than happy to wait. Obviously he's not, so ghosting you is actually doing YOU a favor.
> 
> The irony with a guy like him is if you put out too soon, he would have lost interest even faster. Keeping doing what your doing, this ones a dud.


You hit the nail right on the head. As soon as the OP slowed things down, he lost interest. He was just probably out for a quick screw.


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## Begin again

BetrayedDad said:


> The irony with a guy like him is if you put out too soon, he would have lost interest even faster.


Very true. She dodged a bullet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *Deidre*

Corpuswife said:


> I think "its weird and immature" when the guy is telling me things that are rushing to a relationship/texting daily sweet words "baby" etc/wanting to be exclusive/stating he told father and kids about me.
> 
> It's understandable that early on a guy may be dating many people. He stated he was only dating me. It was short lived and I'm not laying awake at night.
> 
> Then, he disappears. Nothing.
> 
> I have a relatively short dating life...so this is a new thing for me.
> 
> A considerate person would say..."it's not working" or "I am to busy." Whatever. Not looking for drama but it's a good indicator of how he will treat potential conflict.


Guys who rush things along, who want to know your every move, or text you constantly, while it might seem flattering, it's a ploy to get you to trust them quickly. They are usually players, who want sex...and feign serious interest in hopes of women they're dating letting their guards down, and giving in to that. 

Telling his kids about you? Way too soon. 

Ghosting usually happens though when someone doesn't respect the person they're ghosting. Because if he/she did, they'd say ''hey, I don't really want to talk anymore, etc...'' To just ghost someone and never call again, shows that the reason they were interested, had to probably do with sex...or they found someone else.


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## Mclane

*Deidre* said:


> Guys who rush things along, who want to know your every move, or text you constantly, while it might seem flattering, it's a ploy to get you to trust them quickly. They are usually players, who want sex


Or they're insecure controlling A-holes. 

The type that 2 weeks into a marriage will dictate when and where the wife may leave the house and who she can spend time with.


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## *Deidre*

Mclane said:


> Or they're insecure controlling A-holes.
> 
> The type that 2 weeks into a marriage will dictate when and where the wife may leave the house and who she can spend time with.


Yes, so much this. 

I dated a few guys like this, came on very strong in the first few weeks of dating, and it seemed flattering at first, but it soon turned bad.  People that rush things have motives, hate to be cynical, but...


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## Evinrude58

I did the internet dating thing for a while. It was impossibly easy to get as many dates with many different attractive women as I wanted. When I went out with a lady more than once, and I lost interest, I'd move on to the next. Sometimes I'd leave one hanging a little because they had really good qualities, but I knew it was to long term. Sometimes I wasn't clear about it because I enjoyed the attention and yes, maybe something else. So I kept them dangling until I was sure and feeling like the jerk I was, hated to tell them I was no longer interested. I just stopped texting.
I know that was wrong and I am glad I've put that behind me.

I will say that attention from multiple women is very addictive. I had never had it before, so it was even moreso for me. 

Also, there were a couple of ladies that I really liked a lot, they just weren't "the one", so I hated to just let them go.

I know how awful all that is, but that's my perspective in why men AND women should be very careful about getting attached to someone they met while dating online. There's a helluva chance that they are going to still be looking, and still be dating other people when they meet you. 
And they might be addicted to the attention.

The guy probably had another fish on another line all along.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mclane

^I've been that guy.

It's like a buffet out there, and with so many choices it gets rather addicting. 

Until of course you find one that shines above the rest.

Edited to add- I never did the "come on strong" thing unless I felt we were headed somewhere, and even then never to the extent described by the Op on this thread. Then again I've asked at least 2 women in the past to be exclusive after only 2 dates including my current girlfriend. Both said yes.


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## Evinrude58

I never said I wanted anything more, but let things go a little too far when I shouldn't have. And just didn't man up and end it when I should have.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jarhed

Corpuswife said:


> Well...I am new to the dating scene (again).
> 
> 
> 
> I have been doing some online chatting and have went on a few dates.
> 
> 
> 
> The last guy, is working mega hours until the end of August. His hours will go back to normal 40 hours a week then. We had an early dinner (before he worked) and saw each other about 3 times a week. He played "hooky" one Saturday night and we went out dancing/live music. He was a lot of fun.
> 
> 
> 
> We texted a great deal, the first week, and was going fast with things. I slowed the train in every direction. He understood and is definitely assertive and confident. The second week, his work picked up (he did a good majority of texting at work the first week).
> 
> 
> 
> He stated that he's lived here 4 months and I was the first person he dated. I am aware of players and was on the alert and even discussed this with him in a teasing way. In addition, I spoke of waiting for sex. We have made out several times.
> 
> 
> 
> He went back to his "home" state and forgot his phone (supposedly) last weekend. I was out of town as well. When I got home, I saw him briefly before work.
> 
> 
> 
> The texts had slowed down. Now, we've had no contact for 2 days. I hear this is "ghosting" when a guy comes off hot and ends up cold really quick. This is a new concept for me. Obviously, weird and immature.
> 
> 
> 
> Any comments or folks this has happened to?




He is married 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## DustyDog

Corpuswife said:


> The texts had slowed down. Now, we've had no contact for 2 days. I hear this is "ghosting" when a guy comes off hot and ends up cold really quick. This is a new concept for me. Obviously, weird and immature.
> 
> Any comments or folks this has happened to?


Totally normal, been going on for as long as humans have been on the Earth. If anything is new, it's the name "ghosting".

When you meet someone new and sparks fly, you are not really seeing them for who they are. What you are seeing is an image in your mind that got sparked by some characteristic about them...and your image is all wrong. You learn a lot in 1-4 weeks if you're aware, and you may lose interest, or realize they're deeper than you thought.

Your decision to "slow the train in every direction" sounds drastic - it very likely was interpreted as a push-away. Do you know his history well enough? Has he had a past LTR go bad because he was with an indecisive woman? That's a very common complaint. 

It's actually mine - my choice to leave my wife is 90% because she has so much fear, she cannot bring herself to make a decision...felt like our lives have been on hold. A minor fender-bender keeps her from leaving the house for two years. Once we've separated, and I start dating, if a women suddenly puts the brakes on, I'm going to be out of there as fast as the Road Runner when Wile E. shows up. Not because the woman is trouble, but because I'm going to be very sensitive to the indecisive for a very long time. That could be your guy, too.

Most first dates are also last dates. That you had a second date says you "done good". Now go out there and have another first date with someone else.


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## tripod

What you've written makes you appear a bit passive/aggressive. You believe you sent the last communication and you're waiting for him to respond. He hasn't and you're confused/mad/hurt (Is that right?).

a) How do you know he got your text?

b) How do you know, he didn't text you back, and you didn't get it?

I've had plenty of experience with should-have recipients not getting my messages--texts, email, written notes. Stuff happens.

Write him again. Explain your quandary. Ask if he wants to continue to see you.

Maybe, if it's b) above....he's having the same thoughts you are and is waiting for you to respond. Maybe he got hit by a car and is in the hospital. Maybe his phone puked. Thing is, you don't know. 

Communication is like a stream, not a squirt gun.

If he doesn't respond and you KNOW he got the message, then "yes" he's a jerk and you're better off leaving him in your rear view mirror.


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## Corpuswife

This is interesting to me...

He's ok...I see him "pop up" on the online dating website. He "views" my profile daily (he has to click it open to do this). I haven't looked at his.

I am not game playing with him or anyone. I will not pursue him or text him to ask any questions. I could tell that last day...he was sort of "busy" or not as flowery with his sentiments. He agreed to being exclusive on the last few texts as I felt we could spend some time getting to know each other. He is short on time (work) for the next month. If it didn't work out then we'd move on. We had some great chemistry at the beginning but really needed to get to know each other more.

Perhaps, he was just looking for sex. However, he claimed he wasn't...but who knows? He said his last relationship was 6 months ago, for about one month, to a lady that had OCD. He was married last, about 2 years ago. 

I don't play guessing games. I am straight forward person and know how to appropriately communicate. If I want to know something, I will ask for the most part.

In all fairness, he may be looking for a hookup. I was up front, at the VERY beginning that I wasn't looking to rush anything. He was full on and hence "I slowed the train in every direction." I was attempting to get to know him. 

I believe he will "fish" for me soon. Given that he's viewing my profile and really nothing happened as far as drama! I know he was into me, whether sexually or otherwise. He has pulled back and is regrouping. I just need to decide how to handle it when he does.


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## *Deidre*

Corpuswife said:


> This is interesting to me...
> 
> He's ok...I see him "pop up" on the online dating website. He "views" my profile daily (he has to click it open to do this). I haven't looked at his.
> 
> I am not game playing with him or anyone. I will not pursue him or text him to ask any questions. I could tell that last day...he was sort of "busy" or not as flowery with his sentiments. He agreed to being exclusive on the last few texts as I felt we could spend some time getting to know each other. He is short on time (work) for the next month. If it didn't work out then we'd move on. We had some great chemistry at the beginning but really needed to get to know each other more.
> 
> Perhaps, he was just looking for sex. However, he claimed he wasn't...but who knows? He said his last relationship was 6 months ago, for about one month, to a lady that had OCD. He was married last, about 2 years ago.
> 
> I don't play guessing games. I am straight forward person and know how to appropriately communicate. If I want to know something, I will ask for the most part.
> 
> In all fairness, he may be looking for a hookup. I was up front, at the VERY beginning that I wasn't looking to rush anything. He was full on and hence "I slowed the train in every direction." I was attempting to get to know him.
> 
> I believe he will "fish" for me soon. Given that he's viewing my profile and really nothing happened as far as drama! I know he was into me, whether sexually or otherwise. He has pulled back and is regrouping. I just need to decide how to handle it when he does.


I'd honestly put this one out of your mind. He sounds like he's already giving you a headache.  I wouldn't reply at all, whenever he feels like eventually contacting you. There's so many good men out there, really there are. It's okay to be picky, and not accept behaviors like ghosting, if you don't like that.  Don't settle. 

You need to date more, because once you do, you'll forget about this dude. lol


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## Chris Taylor

Corpuswife said:


> I am not game playing with him or anyone. I will not pursue him or text him to ask any questions.
> 
> I am straight forward person and know how to appropriately communicate. If I want to know something, I will ask for the most part.


You can't have it both ways. If you want answers, text/call him and find out. Otherwise you will wait until the end of August when he isn't "busy" to find out he's moved on.


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## zookeeper

I see lots of harsh judgements about this guy, but I'm failing to see how he has done anything really wrong here.

You two met, things were going great, he was clearly interested and you put on the brakes. No matter what words you used, what message do you think that sent to him? You say you aren't playing games, but many men would see an abrupt distancing to be exactly that. A game. A test to see how much harder he would pursue. 

I'd be willing to be that that alone is the reason he pulled back. He's checking your profile, so he clearly is interested but maybe he just doesn't want to expose his vulnerability to a woman that HE thinks is a player or immature. The sex part? It wouldn't be the first time a woman told a man she wanted to wait to have sex while freely engaging in sex with other men. I'm not saying this is you, but you're making some snap judgements about him and he may be doing the same about you.

Maybe he only wanted sex (the ANIMAL!). Maybe he wanted much more, but sex was important as well. Maybe lack of sex had nothing to do with his pulling back. What does it mean? If he backed away because of the lack of sex, is that not a legitimate need on his part?Was he was wise to walk away instead of trying to manipulate you into doing something you said you didn't want? Some men are indeed listening when women talk. When you say something, we take you at your word. 

I think it's fine if you want to write him off. I'm sure you both will be just fine. I don't think it is particularly useful to look for some sort of character defect on his part to protect yourself from the ego blow of being softly rejected. Rejection is part of dating. Facing it head on builds confidence. Just because you are rejected does not mean there is something wrong with you. Neither does it mean there was something wrong with him. It's just not a fit.


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## WorkingOnMe

You wanted him to be exclusive, yet you wanted to wait for sex. In other words, enforced celibacy. Any man who agrees to be exclusive with a woman he's not having sex with is crazy and setting himself up for failure.

You slowed him down in every direction. Many would take that as a rebuff or rejection. He probably figured you weren't that into him and stopped trying.


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## Corpuswife

Chris Taylor said:


> You can't have it both ways. If you want answers, text/call him and find out. Otherwise you will wait until the end of August when he isn't "busy" to find out he's moved on.



I am not chasing. I don't NEED answers at all. I am not waiting. I am continuing to date as we speak.


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## Corpuswife

WorkingOnMe said:


> You wanted him to be exclusive, yet you wanted to wait for sex. In other words, enforced celibacy. Any man who agrees to be exclusive with a woman he's not having sex with is crazy and setting himself up for failure.
> 
> You slowed him down in every direction. Many would take that as a rebuff or rejection. He probably figured you weren't that into him and stopped trying.



Nah! We were talking about sex. He was to have an STD test competed prior. We had a plan. Hence, the discussion of being exclusive once we sleep together. The enforced celibacy was up to him at that point.

I was as much into him as I could be...after a shorter period of dating.


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## Corpuswife

zookeeper said:


> I see lots of harsh judgements about this guy, but I'm failing to see how he has done anything really wrong here.
> 
> You two met, things were going great, he was clearly interested and you put on the brakes. No matter what words you used, what message do you think that sent to him? You say you aren't playing games, but many men would see an abrupt distancing to be exactly that. A game. A test to see how much harder he would pursue.
> 
> I'd be willing to be that that alone is the reason he pulled back. He's checking your profile, so he clearly is interested but maybe he just doesn't want to expose his vulnerability to a woman that HE thinks is a player or immature. The sex part? It wouldn't be the first time a woman told a man she wanted to wait to have sex while freely engaging in sex with other men. I'm not saying this is you, but you're making some snap judgements about him and he may be doing the same about you.
> 
> Maybe he only wanted sex (the ANIMAL!). Maybe he wanted much more, but sex was important as well. Maybe lack of sex had nothing to do with his pulling back. What does it mean? If he backed away because of the lack of sex, is that not a legitimate need on his part?Was he was wise to walk away instead of trying to manipulate you into doing something you said you didn't want? Some men are indeed listening when women talk. When you say something, we take you at your word.
> 
> I think it's fine if you want to write him off. I'm sure you both will be just fine. I don't think it is particularly useful to look for some sort of character defect on his part to protect yourself from the ego blow of being softly rejected. Rejection is part of dating. Facing it head on builds confidence. Just because you are rejected does not mean there is something wrong with you. Neither does it mean there was something wrong with him. It's just not a fit.


Sorry! I am not sure about the "harsh" judgements. It is immature when person cannot respond to someone in an appropriate manner. I didn't leave anything hanging. I sent the last few texts. I don't feel rejected but was curious at the behavior as I have never encountered it.

This is not a judgment that this man is a bad person or he has horrible character flaws. 

I am dating. I haven't slept with anyone since my divorce and really....it doesn't matter. 

This thread began as a curiosity of "ghosting" and obviously it's quite common. Thanks for your comments.


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## vi_bride04

I never used to ghost but do it all the time now. Dating is such a crap shoot and when I used to tell guys"look this isn't going to work out" most couldn't take no for an answer and i would end up blocking them anyways. So I skip the drama and just quit talking. Most are just the "hey how is your day going" conversations with no substance of getting to know each other. Seems that's the majority of guys out there now adays. 

Maybe I am immature for doing that. It's just not worth my energy to fend off guys that can't take no for an answer especially when they don't care to get to know me. Keep in mind these are usually people I haven't even gone on a date with. 

Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


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## Corpuswife

vi_bride04 said:


> I never used to ghost but do it all the time now. Dating is such a crap shoot and when I used to tell guys"look this isn't going to work out" most couldn't take no for an answer and i would end up blocking them anyways. So I skip the drama and just quit talking. Most are just the "hey how is your day going" conversations with no substance of getting to know each other. Seems that's the majority of guys out there now adays.
> 
> Maybe I am immature for doing that. It's just not worth my energy to fend off guys that can't take no for an answer especially when they don't care to get to know me. Keep in mind these are usually people I haven't even gone on a date with.
> 
> Sent from my XT1575 using Tapatalk


I was really talking about after you have been dating, for a short period of time, and the person disappears. It's a bit different, I believe, it you are emailing/texting at the beginning and there is a "feeling" out period.


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## vi_bride04

Corpuswife said:


> I was really talking about after you have been dating, for a short period of time, and the person disappears. It's a bit different, I believe, it you are emailing/texting at the beginning and there is a "feeling" out period.


Oh... Yeah I don't think I've ever gotten to that point in dating. Haven't gone on more than 3 dates with someone, most are only first & second dates. It's getting old after years and years of that.

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