# Married and Alone



## tjlegow (Apr 14, 2015)

My wife has come out and said, this was awhile back now, that she's not in love with me. I still love her and care for her very much. She has basically shut me out of her life except when it comes to our two twin boys who are about to be 5 years old. For a few years now, she has been staying out late, hooking up with other men and has not shown any desire to spend any time together. She has cheated multiple times and continues to cheat till this day. I've wanted things to work out so bad between us for the sake of our children. I believe that over time she has developed a new sense of self and feels that I'm not good enough for her anymore. When I first learned about the cheating, she was apologetic and agreed to work on our marriage and relationship together but this has stopped a long time ago. She pretty much does what she pleases and our marriage seems meaningless to her now. I've tried every approach I could thing of to get her back but she seems happy in her new life where I'm just an afterthought. I'm very much contemplating divorce because being in this situation makes me very unhappy. I wanted to be married to someone who'd be my life partner, someone I can share my innermost thoughts with and go through life's ups and downs together. I would intimacy which my wife no longer provides. I feel like I'm just a paycheck for her and a babysitter for our kids when she wants to go out. This is a really difficult situation for me. I understand that she has moved on and has no romantic feelings or desire for intimacy towards me. Should I proceed with divorce. I am very unhappy living life this way with an absent wife. I do the best I can for the kids but I have an emptiness inside me. What should I do?


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## Ntsikzo (Apr 12, 2015)

Hi Tjlgow,

I reckon this is a no-brainer. The only thing you can really do here is file for divorce and move on with your life. Have you ever heard the saying: you don't know what you got till its gone.

Another thing, a marriage is about two people sharing their lives together in all aspects. If you are the only one there, then it is no longer a marriage you are just her sponsor. 

The situation you are in will only destroy your sense of self-worth. If you decide to move on you would be surprised that you may find someone new who wants to be with you the way you want

All the best


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

tjlegow said:


> My wife has come out and said, this was awhile back now, that she's not in love with me. I still love her and care for her very much. She has basically shut me out of her life except when it comes to our two twin boys who are about to be 5 years old. For a few years now, she has been staying out late, hooking up with other men and has not shown any desire to spend any time together. She has cheated multiple times and continues to cheat till this day. I've wanted things to work out so bad between us for the sake of our children. I believe that over time she has developed a new sense of self and feels that I'm not good enough for her anymore. When I first learned about the cheating, she was apologetic and agreed to work on our marriage and relationship together but this has stopped a long time ago. She pretty much does what she pleases and our marriage seems meaningless to her now. I've tried every approach I could thing of to get her back but she seems happy in her new life where I'm just an afterthought. I'm very much contemplating divorce because being in this situation makes me very unhappy. I wanted to be married to someone who'd be my life partner, someone I can share my innermost thoughts with and go through life's ups and downs together. I would intimacy which my wife no longer provides. I feel like I'm just a paycheck for her and a babysitter for our kids when she wants to go out. This is a really difficult situation for me. I understand that she has moved on and has no romantic feelings or desire for intimacy towards me. Should I proceed with divorce. I am very unhappy living life this way with an absent wife. I do the best I can for the kids but I have an emptiness inside me. What should I do?


File divorce papers and see her reaction, go from there.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

tjlegow said:


> My wife has come out and said, this was awhile back now, that she's not in love with me. I still love her and care for her very much. She has basically shut me out of her life except when it comes to our two twin boys who are about to be 5 years old. For a few years now, she has been staying out late, hooking up with other men and has not shown any desire to spend any time together. She has cheated multiple times and continues to cheat till this day. I've wanted things to work out so bad between us for the sake of our children. I believe that over time she has developed a new sense of self and feels that I'm not good enough for her anymore. When I first learned about the cheating, she was apologetic and agreed to work on our marriage and relationship together but this has stopped a long time ago. She pretty much does what she pleases and our marriage seems meaningless to her now. I've tried every approach I could thing of to get her back but she seems happy in her new life where I'm just an afterthought. I'm very much contemplating divorce because being in this situation makes me very unhappy. I wanted to be married to someone who'd be my life partner, someone I can share my innermost thoughts with and go through life's ups and downs together. I would intimacy which my wife no longer provides. I feel like I'm just a paycheck for her and a babysitter for our kids when she wants to go out. This is a really difficult situation for me. I understand that she has moved on and has no romantic feelings or desire for intimacy towards me. Should I proceed with divorce. I am very unhappy living life this way with an absent wife. I do the best I can for the kids but I have an emptiness inside me. What should I do?


In your heart, you already know what to do. It's unfortunate that in a marriage when one partner wants out that they don't have the balls to step up and ask for a divorce instead they show you by their actions. Marriage is a union of two people and if one check out, it no longer a union. Look at her actions; that is not the way you treat someone you love. Take care of yourself and find the strength to demand better for yourself. You deserve to be happy.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

aine said:


> File divorce papers and see her reaction, go from there.


File for D and fvck her reaction

55


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

tjlegow said:


> My wife has come out and said, this was awhile back now, that she's not in love with me. I still love her and care for her very much. She has basically shut me out of her life except when it comes to our two twin boys who are about to be 5 years old. For a few years now, she has been staying out late, hooking up with other men and has not shown any desire to spend any time together. She has cheated multiple times and continues to cheat till this day. I've wanted things to work out so bad between us for the sake of our children. I believe that over time she has developed a new sense of self and feels that I'm not good enough for her anymore. When I first learned about the cheating, she was apologetic and agreed to work on our marriage and relationship together but this has stopped a long time ago. She pretty much does what she pleases and our marriage seems meaningless to her now. I've tried every approach I could thing of to get her back but she seems happy in her new life where I'm just an afterthought. I'm very much contemplating divorce because being in this situation makes me very unhappy. I wanted to be married to someone who'd be my life partner, someone I can share my innermost thoughts with and go through life's ups and downs together. I would intimacy which my wife no longer provides. I feel like I'm just a paycheck for her and a babysitter for our kids when she wants to go out. This is a really difficult situation for me. I understand that she has moved on and has no romantic feelings or desire for intimacy towards me. Should I proceed with divorce. I am very unhappy living life this way with an absent wife. I do the best I can for the kids but I have an emptiness inside me. What should I do?


Nothing to save here. File for divorce ASAP.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

D-Vorce.

You purchased a lemon. It happens. Move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

For sake of discussion, so do both of you work? Incomes? Divorce is the only outcome you should be striving for, however you want to maximize your financial outcome as well.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Your wife is a free woman that makes her own decisions. Somewhere along the line she decided to cheat. You put up with it and she totally lost respect for you. She decided to become the town bicycle.

Get the mmslp book below, it will show you where you went wrong and get you ready for your next relationship.

Separate your bank ACCTS, stop any joint credit cards, join a gym and follow the MAP plan in the mmslp book.

File for divorce.

Go to dadsdivorce.com

Your wife has gone to far to fix. " the guy" was in a similar situation and saved his marriage but I doubt he would recommend you even try. You can pm him.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Google fault/no fault divorce states and see if adultery has any affect on your situation.

You need to get counseling, preferably PTSD counseling. You have been severely abused. This situation is killing you and terribly hurting your kids.

Time to stand up for yourself and kids.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Divorce. And file for custody of your children. After asking for DNA tests. This will stop her pretending you are not the father.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

Being in a marriage like that can only bring you heart ache & pain. It would probably surprise you at what a relieve it would be to get away from the situation. 

She's out there living life & having a good time. Why should you not do the same. You deserve better than what she has to give.

Wishing you the best in what ever you decide..


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

The tone of your post is of a sad, wounded puppy dog, which I understand because you never imagined your marriage would be like this and you love your kids. But you need to turn the sadness into firm resolve and become a man who refuses to tolerate your wife's behavior. File for divorce now, get some respect back, move on and don't look back.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"I've tried every approach I could thing of to get her back but she seems happy in her new life where I'm just an afterthought."

OP,

Unfortunately, you have never tried the only approach that seems to truly work....file for D immediately and SHOW them you will not tolerate their despicable behavior and they are about to lose their M, family, and life as they know it.

Trying to 'nice' the WS back NEVER works.

File for D and refuse to talk to her about anything but the kids or the D proceedings...expose the A's to both your families and all friends, so that everyone truly knows the reason for the D and you don't get painted as a 'monster' that caused all this.

If your WW has any inclination or desire to save the M, she will desperately come back trying to get you to save the M and promising to meet all your demands to do so.

This is the ONLY way it will work.

Unfortunately, you may have waited too long take this step....she may be too far gone now to come back.


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## OpenEnded (Jul 30, 2012)

tjlegow said:


> What should I do?


BECOME A MAN!!!!

Read :
1. No More Mr Nice Guy 
2. MMSLP 
3. The 180 rules. 

4. File for D. Now.


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## Ntsikzo (Apr 12, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Divorce. And file for custody of your children. After asking for DNA tests. This will stop her pretending you are not the father.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::lol:


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

DNA the kids. it is cheap, easy, quick, painless and private. I know cause I did it myself. You can google paternity testing and find several options or buy a kit at most drugs stores.

Protect your assets. 

Think about your kids, is this the example of a loving family that you want them to grow up thinking is normal? 

Speak to a lawyer, file for D and start your life again. Be an example that your children can be proud of. Be an example they can strive to emulate and live a happy and productive life. Sounds like they are missing out on this example now.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Move any money from a joint account to your own private account and stop supporting her financially emotionally whatever.

Buy providing a paycheck you are in fact enabling her foul behavour and financing her cheating.

File for Divorce and have nothing to do with her of whatsoever. If she tries to communicate with you tell her to do it through your lawyer.

She lost respect for you a long time ago when you tolerated her foul behavour.

Sorry you are here but time to do a 180 on her arse.


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## May1968 (Dec 16, 2014)

Being divorces can't be any lonelier than you are now, in fact it would be easier not being around her or knowing what she is doing. At least once divorced you can start your new life and get the sort of person you deserve. Years from now she may regret losing you because it does happen in many instances. Take care of your self.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

tjlegow said:


> When I first learned about the cheating, she was apologetic and agreed to work on our marriage and relationship together but this has stopped a long time ago.


Once she realized that there would be no consequences for her first affair why would she stop having them?

File for divorce now but that’s a consequence and she may change her attitude.



tjlegow said:


> I feel like I'm just a paycheck for her and a babysitter for our kids when she wants to go out.


:iagree:

Divorcing will take this away and she may suddenly decide that she loves you after all.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

TJ, trying to make a woman re-love you is a fools effort. No matter what you want, or how much you love her, etc., ect., it ain't ever going to happen. You're right. You're only function is financial support, maid and baby sitting service. I don't know how you put up with it five minutes, let alone for years. 
What you're looking for is not available through her. Actually, you cannot love this person. You love the idea of what you want her to be. She has no interest in becoming what you desire. Free yourself from this self imposed hell my man.


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