# Wifes freind staying for extended periods



## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

Good day everyone. I was hoping to get some help with an issue we are going through. My wifes "best freind" ends up staying over for extended periods of time, it has been anywhere from a few days to weeks. When this occurs my other half puts all her focus on her from morning to night. She actually shies away from me almost the entire time, if we do get a moment it is only fleeting because as soon as the freind returns she literally pulls away from me and or just gets up to go be next to her again. I have told her over the years that it affects me and if more than a few days my demeanor changes and anyone can see that I am getting uncomfortable. She ends up then getting mad at me always saying I hate her freind but I dont, I have told her that subconsciously I start feeling like I am now second to her freind and I just can't help that. Over time I learned to get along for more days but this time it was 6 weeks and I shut off from them after like 2 or 3 weeks which made her focus even more on her freind. This then became a subconscious toxin which has resulted in us not speaking for a week. Personally i think this would happen in most relationships but she does not understand my point of view. We have two children and i do not want this to get worse but i just can't get over her not sympathising with me. I am looking for advice. I feel like either I am not getting something or she is not so what I am asking help with is... advice to me if i need to realise something i am missing or something to help me explain it to her. For either situation do any of you have any advice or perhaps links to some information that can help us? I really want to get past this. Thank you so much in advance!


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

My opinion is pretty black and white on this.

It's your home, and you should feel comfortable in your home.

You've been more than accommodating, so, if it were me, I'd brainstorm and decide what your limits are, then in a period of non-conflict, talk to your wife, and come to a solution that suits you both.

If it's possible, I also think it's wise to have these discussions with a therapist or a mediator (not a friend or family member). That way you have a third party present who can offer impartial input and act as a witness.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why does she do this? Does she ignore the children, too?


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

So, I'm going to say this, but be prepared that it might sting a little bit.

I think you should get a VAR (Voice-Activated Recorder), and place it where you know they will be talking without you around. It's possible you're not going to like what you hear. Also check your wife's text messages with her friend.

Either they are romantically involved, or your wife bad-mouths you to her friend. It could be that her friend is the one doing the bad-mouthing, and your wife doesn't defend you. Either way, it seems like she takes great effort to let the friend know that she is more important to her than you are. There is some secret between them that involves you that your wife has to validate when the friend is there.


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## Oldtimer (May 25, 2018)

Doesn’t her friend have a life? Man up dude, let your wife know that under no conditions will this crap be going on anymore. I agree with Starfires, get a VAR and find out what they say about you then hammer down. Nobody, not you, your wife, your kids should be disrespected in their own home and made to feel like an outsider. BS!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

"Well, it's been great having you friend, but it's been a couple of weeks, time to go home now".


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Were they lovers at o e point?

This doesn’t sound right.


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## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

Hi MiniamalME, Thank you for your input, we had a conversation last night that did not really go so well. Basically hours of talking and I still do not truly believe she understands the effect it has on me and how on earth it could make me feel so bad. After we went on for ages we finally came to the point where she agreed that if you treat someone different they will feel different, but when we go back to how she make me feel when her friend is here she just gets defensive.
She tells me that she does not notice but when her friend is here, besides pulling away from me, whenever, I walk into the room they are cuddled close, holding hands and she does not immediately stop anything. I have been given three answers from her as to why she pulls away from me when her friend is here. 1) so her friend is not uncomfortable, 2) people should not show that kind of affection in front of others 3) there are reasons from childhood why she does it. I asked her if she wants to spare her friend uncomfortable why does she not care about my comfort?
After it all the only thing that it ended with is that she agreed that her friend will not be coming around anymore and that she is going to resent me for it…….. I am trying really hard to get through to her but if I cannot resolve this with true understanding from her I feel like I can no longer give my heart and soul to her as I fear that I do not have hers.
At the very end she agrees it could make someone feel bad but a lot of replies seemed to come out with resentment, anger and condescension rather than understanding. I woke up this morning and feel like she just wants me to say sorry for making her feel bad and we move on, that makes me feel bad.
All I want to do is fix this but honestly I don’t know how. During our discussion last night I mentioned that I thought the only thing left if we don’t see eye to eye is to go to a counselor. She did agree to that so now I need to find one near us.

MattMatt, thanks for being here, in response to your question, my daughter has came to me twice with tears telling me that “mommy only cares about her friend and it is like she is her daughter”. I did mention to her that our daughter feels left out but her response to me was, “yea, and she came to saying why is daddy so mad”… well I am mad because I am made to feel like an outsider in my own home but I don’t know what that has to do with what I told her. A lot of times I get the feeling like she gets so defensive that as an instinct she replies with things as shield rather that really taking the time to consider what I have said. This situation really hurts me and I need to feel like she understands and feels something for me feeling this bad rather than me just feeling resentment from her that I feel this way, I so fear that I will not get this.

Hi StarFires, I appreciate the advice but I really feel that trusting my instinct and feelings is going to get me through this and I feel like if someone did that to me then I could never trust them again anyway so… yea, cant do that if I want to get through this. As I mentioned about I need her to understand the impact it has had on me, if feel like if she can truly empathize with my situation and takes a bit of responsibility for this situation and I can feel from her that she is a bit regretful for it that we can move on. What I cant do is just merrily say “oh yes dear, you are right, she is your friend and you have your reasons for behaving as such so carry on and I will wait my turn” or go on with her just resenting me for not seeing her friend. I told her I feel like she has made her choice and she just says she cannot help how she feels.

Hi Oldtimer, thanks for coming into this. I completely agree that those were my initial instincts. I wanted to yell, I wanted to scream but… I also wanted to try and understand if I missed something about myself that was causing me to get angy that I could fix, needless to say the conclusion I came to is that they are both being disrespectful so I thought would try to discuss with her why I felt this way. Of course it ended in me telling her I do not want her friend around anymore but I am not someone that wants to live with someone that resents them, I would rather her understand me.

Hi there fusdil and ABHale, I agree and whether they were lovers at some point… she has told me that this is not the case. While I truly believe that they have not had anything more than intimate kissing I do think there is a deep love there but do not have any indication that there is any full sexual activity.

Seriously everyone, thank you for taking the time to listen and reply. Short of trying to find some outside counseling help, start looking Monday, does anyone know of any online content I could show her about the effects of spouses paying more attention to their friend than their partner. I just wish there was a perfect movie as an example… oh well, the hard way!
Thanks all


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why does this friend stay at your home for so long? Does she live far away? Does she not have a home of her own?

About how many days a year does this friend stay at your home?

It might be a good idea for you and your wife to see a marriage counselor.


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## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

She is a dive instructor an has spent the past 10 years between different islands. She comes anywhere between once and twice a year. She has mom and dad in a town about an hour from us. I am going to look for a councellor on monday. Thanks for taking the time


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Then she needs to stay with her own family, not yours.


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## Mr Anderson (Apr 14, 2020)

This lady comes to your home and takes up residence. All the while knowing you're not happy with it. Then they both make sure you know who is getting all your wife's attention. And they both know how you feel about it. Then your wife gets pissed off and defensive when you point any of it out to her. 

I know you may find this hard to believe, but there is a physical relationship taken place here


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Sorry to say, but I think they're lovers. I have one or two female friends that I am e_xtremely _close to. They're my best friends. There are times we've said I love you to each other in a platonic way. But holding hands? No. We don't do that. And you believe they've engaged in "intimate kissing"?How is your sex life with your wife by the way? When her friend is at your house, where does your wife sleep? Does your wife work?

When her friend arranges to stay, YOU must put an end-date to it. 3 days, 5 days, whatever you are ok with.


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## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

Hi Lucy, as far as the kissing I do not know what it meant and as far as I know it was only all those years ago and has not happened since. It could have just been a playful in the moment thing no?

When her freind is here after some days or in this case between a week or two I end up going to bed alone every night as I start feeling there is no room for me then they stay up late and eventually she comes to bed with me. It was not till many weeks later where she would come to bed and hug me but in my head I dont just want her when I'm half asleep and after she is done you know, I've been there alone for hours at that point agrivated.

After about 7 weeks I had a talk with her freind thinking that I can get through to her as I would love nothing more for understanding, respect and the boundaries that should be there so they can continue a normal friendship. At about 8 weeks the last straw was when she had a night out with her freind and brother. Then they all hung out here the next day, a saturday, stayed over and on sunday she was meant to be gone an hour to drop them off but stayed out all day sunday as well. I only mention this because that Sunday after all this time I got really pissed of. After she came home and came up to me and seen I was upset she immediately got defensive turned away and then we argued about it and I left for a few hours to calm down.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

There is definitely something here that does not smell well.
OP, the level of disrespect, selfishness, rude, and inconsiderate behavior that you have been forced to endure is stunning. There is no way in hell you should be putting up with that in your own home.
If someone comes to stay in your home, that is a decision that you should have input into (conditions, length of stay, etc.) In no way, should her friend staying substantially upset the family dynamic. The fact that you have no input into any of this is extremely troubling. Someone walks into your home, and you and your kids are second fiddle, while her and your wife do what they want, with total disregard to the feelings of your family? It is beyond time for you to get pissed, and use that emotion to your advantage.
Right now, you are being gaslit and manipulated. That needs to stop. IMO, you are at the point where strong action is needed. She has agreed to counseling. Great. Carefully vet counselors. Select the toughest male counselor you can find. If you can find someone with experience in infidelity, all the better. I say go with a male because a male will probably be more apt to see through the BS she is dishing out.
You really need to draw the line. When she says things to you like " ....her friend will not be coming around any more and she is going to resent you for it," You respond "No, because if you do you create resentment, you are going to be a divorced woman, and besides, she can move in with you if you like." Take none of her crap. Take charge of your relationship.
If this relationship was above board, your wife would be integrating you (and the family) into a large percentage of the activity, and would be proud to have you there. They either have a past or a present. There is something nefarious going on here. You may want to find a way to check her computer, phone, social media, etc for some intelligence. I like the idea of a VAR. Install those in all areas they hang out. Document and secure any findings.
Hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Consult with an attorney, and secure your finances to the best of your ability and formulate an exit plan. Be kind, but firm, unyielding, and matter-of-fact about things. Be reasonable, but so not sacrifice any of your principles to yourself, marriage and family. Put the burden on her. She either values her marriage or she doesn't. The onus for change is on her. Accept nothing that is not in the best interest of you, your kids, or the family unit.
You are in charge of your destiny.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Tschafer said:


> Good day everyone. I was hoping to get some help with an issue we are going through. My wifes "best freind" ends up staying over for extended periods of time, it has been anywhere from a few days to weeks. When this occurs my other half puts all her focus on her from morning to night. She actually shies away from me almost the entire time, if we do get a moment it is only fleeting because as soon as the freind returns she literally pulls away from me and or just gets up to go be next to her again. I have told her over the years that it affects me and if more than a few days my demeanor changes and anyone can see that I am getting uncomfortable. She ends up then getting mad at me always saying I hate her freind but I dont, I have told her that subconsciously I start feeling like I am now second to her freind and I just can't help that. Over time I learned to get along for more days but this time it was 6 weeks and I shut off from them after like 2 or 3 weeks which made her focus even more on her freind. This then became a subconscious toxin which has resulted in us not speaking for a week. Personally i think this would happen in most relationships but she does not understand my point of view. We have two children and i do not want this to get worse but i just can't get over her not sympathising with me. I am looking for advice. I feel like either I am not getting something or she is not so what I am asking help with is... advice to me if i need to realise something i am missing or something to help me explain it to her. For either situation do any of you have any advice or perhaps links to some information that can help us? I really want to get past this. Thank you so much in advance!


I think you have lost control.
You need to set boundaries you should have set years ago.
No one should ever be staying for weeks at your home.
Any normal idiot would know they are wearing out their welcome...this friend is a selfish jerk for even trying to stay at your home so much. I would never do this to someone....stay 4 weeks in their home.
You need a loooooong, deep discussion with your wife to get all the truth about how each of you feel, why this is happening and you need to put and end to this and establish NORMAL boundaries, she may stay maybe 2-3 days maybe once or twice per year.
You may need to go over your wife and tell the friend it is time to go and innappropriate for her to be there so much.
Set boundaries, put and end to this one way or the other and get this out in the open of why the wife is doing this....there is a serious relationship, marriage issue behind this, find out what.


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## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

Thanks for the input Tdbo, I definitely feel like they were both wrong and now I am suppose to feel bad about it... I should say that I dont though, not anymore, I feel bad about the situation though.


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## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

Hi Hinterdir, thanks for the reply. I think you are right, I have lost control. And I actually did go to the freind as per my post below but the post also states how that ended up.


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## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

Post above I meant


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Tschafer said:


> Thanks for the input Tdbo, I definitely feel like they were both wrong and now I am suppose to feel bad about it... I should say that I dont though, not anymore, I feel bad about the situation though.


You have nothing to feel bad about.
You have everything to be mad about.
You sound like you could use some emotional distance to get your s**t sorted.
Look up and implement the 180. Here is an explanation for you:









The Pretzel Logic of the 180 - ChumpLady.com


If you’ve spent any time reading the reconciliation literature, you’ll notice a lot of reference to the “180.” She won’t stop seeing her affair partner? “Do the 180!” He still works with his ho-worker? “Do the 180!” What is this powerful 180? It was a concept developed by Michelle Weiner-Davis...




www.chumplady.com


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## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

Hi Tdbo , looked at your link and it seems like there are for and against arguments there. I dont think I want to play any games. Last thing I want is to have this "seem" to get better then next time her mate is around the same thing happens. Like i told her and know that one day her freind is going to move back here... then what.


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## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

lucy999 said:


> Sorry to say, but I think they're lovers. I have one or two female friends that I am e_xtremely _close to. They're my best friends. There are times we've said I love you to each other in a platonic way. But holding hands? No. We don't do that. And you believe they've engaged in "intimate kissing"?How is your sex life with your wife by the way? When her friend is at your house, where does your wife sleep? Does your wife work?
> 
> When her friend arranges to stay, YOU must put an end-date to it. 3 days, 5 days, whatever you are ok with.


Hi Lucy, forgot to mention that no, she is not employed outside of mom and family work she does. Also I am of the opinion that if a mom has the ability and wants to be a fulltime mom she should be, if she wants to work then she can do that as well. In fact during our initial talk, the one after which I started this post, during this talk she said on monday she is making a CV and going to try and see what working is like. I dont mind this but get the feeling it is a result of our discussion/argument. Like I said I always supported her choice and whole heartedly never made an issue about the money. Thanks Lucy


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

I think this needs to be said, your wife is romantically involved with this lady friend.

You have 3 choices IMHO.

1) Accept it and let it go on. She should come clean with you and make some serious concessions that benefit you.

2) See if they would accept you as an active participant.

3) Reject it and file for divorce.

I know it's not as simple as I have made it seem with the choices, however, they do reflect the directions you should take, depending on how you feel.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Is it normal for girls who are friends to hold hands in your culture? I am in the US and we do not hold hands with our friends. We may tell them we love them when we they're leaving and give them a hug say love you on the phone, but holding hands with a platonic friend is not a thing in alot of places, though I have been told it is in certain cultures. 

So unless you're in one of those cultures where you see that going on, they certainly may be more than friends. 

I live in a place where there are lots of Caucasians as well as blacks and Hispanics and a fair amount of Asians and I don't see hand-holding with girlfriends at all. 

It just sounds like that girl is using your house as an apartment for work and I certainly agree that she's there for too long. I don't agree she should never be there unless you find out those two are in a relationship.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I asked if your wife worked because if not, that would give her all kinds of time to step out on you with her friend while you're working. Do you work outside the home? Is the friend there while you're gone working?

And I asked where your wife slept because I wondered if she slept (slumbered) with her friend. She might as well if she comes to bed so late. How often do you have sex?

So this is basically a long, long, VERY long slumber party that never ends, with a possible romantic twist.

I'm starting to wonder if you're just an ATM for your wife? A roof over her head and food in her belly? She certainly treats you as such.

I don't disagree with you about stay at home moms. I feel,though, that if she's not working and her friend is there, she has ample opportunity to do whatever she wants with this woman .

If I were you, I would not discourage her from finding a job. She would be able to contribute financially and if things go South, alimony might be figured differently and more in your favor.

What is your plan going forward?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Tschafer said:


> Hi Tdbo , looked at your link and it seems like there are for and against arguments there. I dont think I want to play any games. Last thing I want is to have this "seem" to get better then next time her mate is around the same thing happens. Like i told her and know that one day her freind is going to move back here... then what.


It isn't a game.
Right now, you are being worked. You are being run over.
You don't stand a chance unless you can gain some control and equality in your relationship.
The 180 when thoughtfully applied can:
1. Give you some necessary clarity.
2. Can get your wife's attention
3. Can change the dynamics of your relationship, and help you to gain agency in your relationship.
The idea is for you to change the dynamic, and put yourself on offense instead of defense.
Therefore, if you get a handle on things, you cooperatively set parameters under which any future visits occur.
If you get to the point where you control the narrative and are heard, the same thing should not be happening.
If it does, there needs to be consequences. She needs to feel them.
That is the only way you stand a chance of any kind of substantial change, short of divorce.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Tschafer If you are religious could you get your priest involved?

I think marital counselling might be of assistance.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Tschafer said:


> Hi Lucy, forgot to mention that no, she is not employed outside of mom and family work she does. Also I am of the opinion that if a mom has the ability and wants to be a fulltime mom she should be, if she wants to work then she can do that as well. In fact during our initial talk, the one after which I started this post, during this talk *she said on monday she is making a CV and going to try and see what working is like. I dont mind this but get the feeling it is a result of our discussion/argument.* Like I said I always supported her choice and whole heartedly never made an issue about the money. Thanks Lucy


Your wife is going to find employment?

I see this as her getting her foot out of the door, and soon out of the marriage.
She will need money to live on her own.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I agree with the above statement. Your wife is making her move to be independent of you.

Holding hands and cuddling on the couch?!?!?!?! That is not what normal friends do.


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## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

Thankfully we have resolved this issue between us, I will take the time later to explain it to you all that have commented and read this later today/in the morning. Hopefully it may help someone else.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Are you from Lithuania or Columbia?

The flags are similar.

......................................

I hope you are correct in your thinking, that you have resolved this conflict.

She may be pacifying you, putting you at ease, while she makes 'long term' plans, leaving you behind.

Then again, maybe she 'is' putting this friendship of hers, in perspective.

We wish the best for you.

Proper, same sex friendships are wonderful and should be maintained.
But, not at the cost of one's marriage and family.

_THRD-_


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Tschafer,

Someone asked how is your sex life with your W, I think you need to answer this at the very least for yourself. 

Have you felt that your W was never or rarely into you sexually, or that she was into you sexually very early on in the relationship but not now. Does your W claim she no longer wants sex or doesn't need to orgasm?

I suspect that if you raise the issue your W might start having more sex with you out of fear she will lose the OW.

Often any affection shown to anyone causes resentment for a man when his W has none for him.

Please note too that this OW is not a friend of your family if your W ignores her children when OW is around. 

Your Children may have noticed something sexual and are too afraid to tell you btw, as they are terrified of destroying their family.

What do you know about the OWs past relationships, has she ever had a boyfriend or husband?

I think your gut is telling you your W is sexual with this OW. If she isn't physically sexual I would guess she love her more than she loves you or admires her more.


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## Tschafer (Jul 10, 2020)

Hi guys, like i said i am writing this as an update in case it can help anyone. So we had another discussion, well it started as an argument and went to a discussion. My assessment of why she did not understand me is basically because she has always grown up in a woman dominant household as in no father (also some expeiences with bad male figures in the home) and any other men were a bit vacant of the goin ons so she truly never experienced this situation and was use to the woman doing as they wanted to and ultimately needed to, i.e. the women ruled the roost as they rightfully had to. There was never a personal experience that she could mentally reference from her household or any of her other freinds here that are just married and have been together for ages and also never having experience the long term house guest. To her it was kind of business as usual. I also got through the point of how it makes me feel and maybe it took me digging deeper than i was able to previously, i let her know that to me I was feeling scared (which turned to anger) as subconsciously I lost her and what we have during those times and to have the feeling that it could happen at any time was very unsettling especially when i still was doing all the things i felt i need to do for us. As far as her friend goes she has expressed a sorrow for the part she has played in this stating she will not come around any more (i will work on that not needing to be the case with respectful limits), and i dont think that there is more there than good freinds there, it is just they are stuck as each others only good freinds since college and then they went separate ways and met up a few times always thinking when they got back together that it is still the same thing, trying to relive i think the good ol days, there are boundaries now and i honestly believe we can continue our family unit. Hopefully one thing i have learned is that although it is hard to bring up what is bothering me when it is bothering me that, if i even understand it at times, i will atempt to do so before it i get angry. I think from our talk as well that she now knows the intimate ways i feel when it happens and be able to take a que if she notices as well. There was obviously a lot more said than that but it is hard to remember after the fact other than to summaries. One thing is for sure is that it does take being able to open up to the point of real vulnerability as if we were both just totally hard headed it would have just ended, dont get me wrong though, if i put myself in that possition and was just met with more anger, condescension or did not experience the honesty back then it would have also ended but she did express responsibility and regret for it all as well and also told me she will not see her freind any more... as previously if they both want to i have said that i will welcome a serious discussion between the three of us, or rather her sitting down with us as to make sure we all understand one another before hand. to answer a previous question we are in lithuania but i am german/american and she is russian (sense some jokes coming from that lol) anyway, thank you all for being here as all of your replies did help me understand that i had a legitimate reason for my ultimate anger. I there is anything more you would like to know just ask me, as i said it was a great help to me being here and if i can, i will help. all the best guys/girls


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Tschafer said:


> Hi guys, like i said i am writing this as an update in case it can help anyone. So we had another discussion, well it started as an argument and went to a discussion. My assessment of why she did not understand me is basically because she has always grown up in a woman dominant household as in no father (also some expeiences with bad male figures in the home) and any other men were a bit vacant of the goin ons so she truly never experienced this situation and was use to the woman doing as they wanted to and ultimately needed to, i.e. the women ruled the roost as they rightfully had to. There was never a personal experience that she could mentally reference from her household or any of her other freinds here that are just married and have been together for ages and also never having experience the long term house guest. To her it was kind of business as usual. I also got through the point of how it makes me feel and maybe it took me digging deeper than i was able to previously, i let her know that to me I was feeling scared (which turned to anger) as subconsciously I lost her and what we have during those times and to have the feeling that it could happen at any time was very unsettling especially when i still was doing all the things i felt i need to do for us. As far as her friend goes she has expressed a sorrow for the part she has played in this stating she will not come around any more (i will work on that not needing to be the case with respectful limits), and i dont think that there is more there than good freinds there, it is just they are stuck as each others only good freinds since college and then they went separate ways and met up a few times always thinking when they got back together that it is still the same thing, trying to relive i think the good ol days, there are boundaries now and i honestly believe we can continue our family unit. Hopefully one thing i have learned is that although it is hard to bring up what is bothering me when it is bothering me that, if i even understand it at times, i will atempt to do so before it i get angry. I think from our talk as well that she now knows the intimate ways i feel when it happens and be able to take a que if she notices as well. There was obviously a lot more said than that but it is hard to remember after the fact other than to summaries. One thing is for sure is that it does take being able to open up to the point of real vulnerability as if we were both just totally hard headed it would have just ended, dont get me wrong though, if i put myself in that possition and was just met with more anger, condescension or did not experience the honesty back then it would have also ended but she did express responsibility and regret for it all as well and also told me she will not see her freind any more... as previously if they both want to i have said that i will welcome a serious discussion between the three of us, or rather her sitting down with us as to make sure we all understand one another before hand. to answer a previous question we are in lithuania but i am german/american and she is russian (sense some jokes coming from that lol) anyway, thank you all for being here as all of your replies did help me understand that i had a legitimate reason for my ultimate anger. I there is anything more you would like to know just ask me, as i said it was a great help to me being here and if i can, i will help. all the best guys/girls


Sounds promising.
Keep the lines of communication open and hold her accountable for the agreed upon parameters.
Best of luck.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

I’m still going with the closet homosexual angle here. That whole gaslighting of no physical touch in public is ridiculous. Were talking Europe, not Middle East. 
Also, the woman ruling the roost and acting disrespectful to the male. Not buying it. Then why be married? Sounds more like security blanket than life partner. 
Whatever makes you happy I guess. But for me, nothing sounds resolved. It sounds even more convoluted. 


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