# Why does my separated Husband want to have sex with me one last time?



## bluecupcake24 (Aug 17, 2013)

My husband of five years left me. We have two kids. He just says he doesn't love me any more. and he left a few weeks ago, and has been staying with a friend. He says he is very sure he wants the divorce and his mind is made up. I am so heart broken and sad. I can't stand the pain. i love him so much. but he doesn't love me. Any way, my question is. even tho he is decided that he wants the divorce, he told me that he wants to have sex and be with me one last time. He said its not going to change any thing, but he wants too. He has a date set up in one week, we are gonna get a hotel room. I'm sure i'm making a mistake. obviously i still love him and i will just get hurt in the end. but just to be close to him i will probably do it. Why is he doing this tho. Is he completely just using me for sex? or is there still some feelings/attraction there that he doesn't realize himself? could he still love me deep down, or is it really just about the sex? i'm confused. Is there a chance he may change his mind down the road and want me back.? or the fact that he says he is 100 % sure a divorce is what he wants, means there is no chance of him having a change of heart?


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

The man you describe?? You'd be foolish to lay there and let him have you one last time. 

He'd totally be using you for sex...would that be okay with you?

Telling him if he wants to fawk something, go fawk himself. Girl, you deserve more than that!!

Have a backbone and don't let him do this to you. Tell him you're moving on, he left you so you don't need him anymore. Pull a 180 and concentrate on YOU!

Don't give in to that crap...he's just a selfish user.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He's using you for sex. What he's asking is pretty sick actually. He knows you love him still, but he wants to use you like an object. I fear that he has a deep seated hate/anger towards you and this is his way to inflict deep hurt on you.

Please, before you put yourself through this, sit down in a quiet room, close your eyes and live through his sex session... with a man who wants to use you. Feel the way you will feel when you are there, vulnerable, and realize that you may as well be a blow up doll for all he feels for you. 

Seriously, do not do this to yourself.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Because he can't find another woman who's willing to have sex with him ?
Because he thinks he's a playa ,looking for a " friends with benefits ?"
Or maybe he suffering from " delusions of grandeur."
He sounds like a selfish looser who actually thinks he's somebody.
I really can't see why you love this guy, obviously he has no respect for you.
Love yourself , woman.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

It's a ghastly idea and I would not go along with it if I were you.

If there is any chance of him getting feelings back for you it is more likely to be if you respect yourself and say "no" rather than being a doormat.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Please don't do this. He is just trying to get a nut and stroke his ego at the same time. Don't you give him that satisfaction girl!


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

If you agree to this then you are basically telling him you think so little of yourself that you are willing to be used like a sex object. 

Why would he love someone who has so little respect for themselves? 

You don't get someone to love you by spreading your legs! This is insane.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Don't do this. The only thing a doormat gets is walked on.

Tell him to get bent and you have a date. 

Never mind it might be with your hairdresser.....


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

What does it matter what he wants? There's no way I would even contemplate sharing my body with a man who told me he didn't love me and wanted a divorce. I have far too much self-respect for that...

I'm sorry for your pain, OP, but it's time to act with dignity and redirect the love that you have for your H towards yourself.


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## jay_gatsby (Jun 4, 2013)

Stay away from him, far away. You don't want the same things. He wants sex, not you. But you want him and you are willing to give him sex for it.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

OH MY GOD what an ass!!!

I hope you let him rot in that hotel.

Who leaves their wife and then has the balls to say I want to use you one more time?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

bluecupcake24 said:


> My husband of five years left me. We have two kids. He just says he doesn't love me any more. and he left a few weeks ago, and has been staying with a friend. He says he is very sure he wants the divorce and his mind is made up. I am so heart broken and sad. I can't stand the pain. i love him so much. but he doesn't love me. Any way, my question is. even tho he is decided that he wants the divorce, he told me that he wants to have sex and be with me one last time. He said its not going to change any thing, but he wants too. He has a date set up in one week, we are gonna get a hotel room. I'm sure i'm making a mistake. obviously i still love him and i will just get hurt in the end. but just to be close to him i will probably do it. Why is he doing this tho. Is he completely just using me for sex? or is there still some feelings/attraction there that he doesn't realize himself? could he still love me deep down, or is it really just about the sex? i'm confused. *Is there a chance he may change his mind down the road and want me back.? *or the fact that he says he is 100 % sure a divorce is what he wants, means there is no chance of him having a change of heart?


There might be a chance if (a) he still loves you and (b) he gets a "reality check" on the meaning of the word "divorce". That won't happen if you comply with his request to have sex with him while separated. If you do, he will know that he can still have the benefits of marriage without the commitment. Do you see that?

As others here have pointed out, you need to look out for yourself and have respect for yourself, which means that you should not give him any "benefits" of the marriage without the commitment.

Why does he want this to happen? Because he wants sex. It really isn't about love this time, so don't do it. Show him what "divorce" really means in that, on his request, the marriage is truly over. Maybe he will rethink his feelings, maybe he won't, but you now hold that card over him. Play it well.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

You not the first person even on TAM to be a booty call to your separated spouse. But you the first that I have heard of who spouse come right out and say its a booty call, say it won't mean anything and meet you at a hotel like a damn prostitute. 

You know you better than that.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Keep the date, just don't show up. Go to a club or somewhere and start looking.

When he texts you, tell him you forgot about him and you have a date.

Of course he will say something like he wanted to get back together but you ruined it. They like to put it on the faithful spouse no matter what happens.

Do you want being used in a hotel to be the last memory you have of your marriage? Didn't think so.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Please do not go through with this! He is using your emotions against you. Do not even try to second guess what he is trying to do here! He is the one that wants the divorce. Give him what he wants, but its business, and its going to cost him. YOu have the rest of your life, your children to look out for. Then in time, maybe, the right man to love, and cherish you. After only 5 years he wants this! Have you talked with an attorney as to securing your rights for yourself and your children? If not, do it now!


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I think I'd be tempted to show up to this date and serve him his papers, honestly. 

This is totally outrageous of him to even ask, OP, please don't have sex with him, you aren't your STBXH's booty call.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I am almost wondering if this isn't to mess with your emotions even more and put you off balance while he drafts divorce papers.

Even if you have to call your best friend and have her "hold you hostage" for that day or take away your phone whatever. DO NOT DO IT.

Best scenario is that it hurts you even more since you love him, and makes you more likely to sign whatever he wants.

Worst scenario is that it will be a disaster where you start having sexual issues down the line. 

Depending on the type of issues you were having that lead to the divorce I don't think it's safe either. 

Someone like this has some serious ego and control issues.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> I think I'd be tempted to show up to this date and serve him his papers, honestly.
> 
> This is totally outrageous of him to even ask, OP, please don't have sex with him, you aren't your STBXH's booty call.


Oh yes! I like this! You are already on the defensive. Switch it around on him!. Or better yet, plan the date, go somewhere else with a close friend, have him served in public, especially at a restaurant. Do this, and his actions will be very educational to you. You can always cancel a petition for divorce later, before a judge signs off on it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

He wants to reassure himself that you'll always be available to him. That you're still a viable plan b on the back burner. That you're still an option whenever he chooses. It's an insecure ego boost.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

What you need to do is listen to that Pink song

"Just you and you hand tonight..." 

Crap I would paste it on his Facebook or play it into his voicemail, better yet ask his male friends to take him to a hooker because he apparently needs to get some.

Embarrass him for embarrassing you


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

This is about exerting control over you. You are in control of you. Keep it that way.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

calmwinds said:


> This is about exerting control over you. You are in control of you. Keep it that way.


Bingo.

And look at all the power he's already exerted with your daily anguish over this, wondering what it means and hoping he takes you back.

So you'll show up after more than a week of debilitating confusion and emotional exhaustion, and he will get to see just exactly how much crushing power he weilded over you. He'll watch the telltale signs in your desperate face, trying to interpret his every feign as a possible sign of loving you again. It's sick. 

The great thing for you is looking forward to the one after that, and the one after that, and so on right up until the very day you pull your head out of your rear end and tell him "no".


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Embarrassed to admit this, but I was one of those women who thought maybe there was some love left there and slept with him after we were separated. 

Didn't work. He dropped me and our 4 kids and moved on within 6 months.

He's a douche, sweetie. I know you gave him your everything and I know how you feel right now. But trust me, sleeping with him won't change anything. You will make it through this and in time will feel SO MUCH BETTER. 

Take care of YOU!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> I think I'd be tempted to show up to this date and serve him his papers, honestly.
> 
> This is totally outrageous of him to even ask, OP, please don't have sex with him, you aren't your STBXH's booty call.


I agree with this except for one thing.

Have a process server show up and give him the papers.

Do not spend one second of your time going to that hotel room. Do not give him the chance to talk to you.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

WHAT? So he wants to rub it in (LITERALLY!)

You should put a female sheep in the room you are supposed to meet and have a (safe site) GNO with your friends.

hmmm there are soooo many evil ways I could suggest making this a little fun retribution. I must be part Klingon!


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

I agree with the rest of the posters. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I think he is checking you out to see if you will be available whenever he wants sex. If you will do it this time, then he will ask you again when he wants some, and again, and again. He is a pig.

Get an attorney and tell your stbx that if he needs to communicate with you it will need to be through your attorney. If he wants to see the kids, he can pick them up and drop them off at the door.

Again, I am sooooo sorry for your pain. I know you don't see it now, but you will get through this.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Have some self respect. You are worth more than that. Tell him to go F himself in the hotel room.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Because he's horny.

And because he thinks you're easy.

Tell him to go eff himself.


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## 2times2 (Apr 21, 2013)

Omg, no, don't do it! I know you think that maybe, just maybe, getting together and having sex will make him change his mind, but it won't. It will only make you feel even worse afterwards. Sooo much worse! Please don't give him the satisfaction. 
Show him that you are a strong woman and that you have too much respect for yourself to do that. If he wants out, then let him. If he thinks he can sleep with you regardless, there is no way or reason for him to come back, right? 

I love the sheep idea by the way! lol!


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## kezins (Aug 25, 2013)

He's either a sex addict or it's just another way he can disrespect you and make him feel better about himself. I'd tell him to go F himself honestly.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

bluecupcake24 DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES REDUCE YOUR SELF RESPECT AND DIGNITY BY HAVING SEX WITH YOUR SOON TO BE X HUSBAND! He wont' respect you for it!!! I suggest your read the book Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson. Don't give in to your husband's selfish wants. REMOVE YOURSELF FROM HIS GRASP.


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