# What's the deal with him?



## movingonthistime (Jul 21, 2010)

Hi all,

This is the short version....

This is my first time to this site and I want others opinions on my situation. I have been married for almost eight years now. After the first year of marriage, I discovered my hubbie was having an affair through a graphic text message on his phone. Of course he denied it, but after calling the number back the other woman confirmed and also notified me that he had another woman he was seeing on the job as well. I was furious. We had just purchased a home in a new city. I was starting a new career and away from my family and friends. I asked him to terminate the relationship and go to counseling with a pastor. My hubbie agreed. I forgave him and we reconciled our relationship. Needless to say, a few months later I observed the same behaviors that made me curious in the first place. My hubbie had not stopped the relationship, had opened accounts behind my back (credit cards and cell phones) and was sending the bills to his mom's address. This went on another year. I decided to move out when I starting rec'd messages on my job by the main other woman and he refused to tell me who she was. I also was threatened on my home phone by her and a friend of hers who were calling my home rubbing the affair in my face. I contacted the police dept. but they were of little assistance bc I only had a first name. I also filed for divorce. I moved out of my home bc my husband was protecting this woman more than me. She also told me over the phone that she had been to my home before. After 8mths of being seperated and going to intensive counseling, I moved home, became pregant and I thought things were going to work out. We went to court and told the judge that we were working things out. A few months later his old behaviors began surfacing again. I did not have proof of any affairs and he told me it was me holding on to the past. Needless to say, after our child turned 1.5 I discovered a new affair. This affair had been going on during the counseling, court, and the birth of the baby. This woman informed me of details about our child and their 2.5 year affair. I have filed for divorce again (3rd time) and am moving on for real this time. He is wanting to work on the relationship, but I see the same patterns. Everytime I discover the affairs, he wants to change. The stress and drama has been overwhelming. By the way, both of these women were married and one of their relationships ended in divorce, due to their affair. I tried to fight for my marriage, but I have to use common sense too. He says that I haven't forgiven him, but I have. I feel that he is going to have to lose me in order to truly understand the magnitude of the damage and deal with his issues. Please respond


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Good for you for finally moving on. I typically suggest to couples to work it out, but not when it's a serial cheating and for years at a time. Your husband has wanted to keep you and keep other lives, perhaps that is all he's satisfied with. But you deserve better.

I would suggest getting into counseling and working through the issues that have been caused by the harm he has caused you so that you can move on to a healthy relationship. 

Regardless of whether he learns a lesson by all of this or not, that is not your concern. Your concern is focusing on providing you and your child a beautiful life without having to worry about constant betrayal and heartache.


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## Chet8625 (Jul 13, 2010)

What's your question? You have already made a decision.

this time stick to it. It was a good decision the first two times you made it.


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