# So hurt confused and lost. Wife left me :(



## J311 (May 2, 2016)

My goodness I don't know where to even begin. My wife were married for 5 years me 34 her 29. We have 2 beautiful children ages 2.5 and 3.5. We met online and she was from a town 3 hours away from where I lived. Throughout the marriage she was unhappy with things like her engagement ring honey moon destination etc. hell we got engaged at the top of Saint Thomas. We had our far share or arguments no infidelity or anything physical. Approx 6 weeks ago she got a job moved back home with her parents and our two kids and told me she wants a divorce. She said I never helped around the house or listened to her. I was so focused on work. I definitely would agree with her on those statements. She has said she has outgrown me and outgrown the town we live in and that I need to move on. She shows no emotion even when I cry. She tells me it's done. Her birthday is at the end of May and she doesn't want me to do anything with her. I want to work this out with her and show her how much I care and love her but all she says is that he is done! She doesn't want to date me but says down the road all possibilities are open. Any thoughts on what might transpire here?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She is going to keep pushing you away the more you cry and beg.

I suggest....no I know....once you let her go she will be wanting to see you.(especially if you start dating again)

Anyway back to point...letting her go and going dark just might save this marriage, but she will have to get rid of her new boyfriend.

Chicks dig confident guys...it's time to raise your attraction level by showing her that you can let her go and be happy for it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Lets face it...no matter how she treats you you will always be there.

Women do not find door mats attractive.

You are screwing this all up so stop now and regroup...the crap you have been doing isn't working....get it?

Letting her go just might save your marriage.

It's time to raise your attraction level and who knows maybe by the end of May she might be calling you all the time and crying and begging.

JUST LET HER GO!!!!

She needs to see a positive guy who is happy and moving forward with out her. She just might start to second guess her choices when she sees you will no longer be around for her to wipe her feet on and laugh at.

She needs to think twice in what she is losing by actually losing you.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Got it thanks for reply, the thing about it is ahe doesn't have a new boyfriend, just lives at home with her parents and our kids. I want to do nice things for her Mother's Day and her birthday but she isn't interested


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

You have to accept that she's gone. Along with anything and everything else she's going to take with her on the way out. 

You've still got your self respect, don't let her take that away from you as well.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Screw her birthday.

Go a head and help your kids do something nice for their mother.

She doesn't want you and you haven't done a thing to make her think she is about to lose you.

From were I'm sitting you aren't going anywere so why should she change?

You need to do a 180 and work on your self....maybe she will take notice?

You need to work out eat healthy and get some new cloths and a hair cut....maybe if you start looking good when you see your kids and start having a positive additude she might take notice. AND STOP TALKING ABOUT "US" EVERY TIME YOU GUYS TALK!


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Great advice thanks for that! (The guy)


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

It sounds like she's gone. It didn't happen fast, she just didn't tell you or let on. That's how it works. Every time. And the man is ALWAYS shocked. Every time.

Read up on the 180. It is a lot of work, but the sooner you start, the sooner it works. Just ignore the part about her seeing a better "you" and coming back. It NEVER works that way.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Thanks can you explain where I can read up on the 180? Thanks


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You have got to understand that she is GONE. There is only one person that can give you significant help in this--- an attorney.

Your pain will make you do everything you should do bass ackward regarding your wife.
You'll want to beg and plead, use logic, make deals, back to the begging and pleading, then through it all again. 
The one thing you should do is the hardest--- accept she is not who you thought, never loved you like you loved her, and make no contact with her and move on. This is the only thing to do. Nothing else will have any positive effect in your situation.

I suggest you don't let her push on you And use your feelings for her to her advantage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Understood! It's so damn difficult with the kids being involved and a 3hr driving distance. On top of this **** my mother found out she had cancer and while doing chemo had a stroke and she had the nerve to pull all of this **** while my mother was in the hospital, I guess she never really cared about me,


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

J311 said:


> She said I never helped around the house or listened to her.
> 
> Her birthday is at the end of May and she doesn't want me to do anything with her.





J311 said:


> I want to do nice things for her Mother's Day and her birthday but she isn't interested


Sounds to me like you don't listen to her.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

That may have sounded flippant, but it wasn't meant to be. It just struck me that she specifically said, "don't do this" and you are trying to find ways to do it anyway. Don't do it. Give her exactly what she asked for because she doesn't DESERVE a present for running out and taking the kids ffs.

She tells you she has outgrown you, which basically means she doesn't see you as strong enough/smart enough and so you break down and cry? Hell, I understand why you would break down, but do it in private. Right now you are not showing your strength, you are falling apart. In the meantime she is looking at you with disdain.

I hate the alpha/beta crap that I constantly hear about, but we have to at least acknowledge that people are mindless animals sometimes, and right now she's a mindless alpha female grinding her beta husband into the dirt.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Just a woman enjoying the power she has over a man who is in love with her.
He will get over it in time. Likely a long time with this one. He can't see clearly what her game is yet.
Just wish I could somehow convince him that she's not the only woman on the planet and if he doesn't get an attorney, she will have his kids and any money he earns full time. As in, she has it all and he has the shaft.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Move on don't be a smoe 

Yes it sucks 

Wow she told you she outgrown you, guess so she has kids and a two legged atm


And send her a shine box for her birthday or knee pads or a tube of prep h telling her you dont need it any more as your pain in butt is gone


Also send her mom a mother's day card with a coupon for prep h for the pain in her butt

Or don't it's fun to use your imagination


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

All of this has been truly eye opening. She told me recently when I got to see the kids that I didn't leave I was kicked out, which is complete bs, I might have told her to leave due to the fact she said she was going to kill me if I talk to her mother again. She left on her own accord and never looked back. It seems as though she wants to start her life over and it's seeming more and more likely it will be without me. I just hate it so bad for my children to have to be going through this


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

J311 said:


> Got it thanks for reply, the thing about it is ahe doesn't have a new boyfriend, just lives at home with her parents and our kids. I want to do nice things for her Mother's Day and her birthday but she isn't interested


Something went wrong somewhere in your marriage, you dropped the ball, this happens usually around the 5-7 year mark as young married men are so caught up in working hard and being good providers, they got the girl, the kids, etc but forget to romance their wife and give her some attention. 
At this stage many men also start taking the wife for granted, the things they did when they wanted her, they soon forget about, they stop wining, dining, showing affection, etc. They assume as long as she has sex with them, then all is well, but her needs are not being met.

A woman's love is quite enduring but it begins to fade if she is not getting the love and cherishing she needs. 
All is not lost, you should tell her firmly you still love her and you know you have messed up and are willing to work on it. If she is not willing then you go completely no contact, no begging, no crying, no phone calls, etc. Go completely dark.
use the time to access what you could have done better in the marriage, what you could do for yourself to be a better man, husband and father and get the help you need for that, read books, see an IC etc. 
Make no decisions for now, just work on yourself.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Thanks for the reply, that is more than likely what happened. I will leave her completely alone and only contact her to meet the kids. After all that is what she wants to be "co parents"


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I wouldn't wish what I'm going through upon my worst enemy! To have your whole life uprooted kids taken etc has drained my soul.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The five to seven year mark is also known as the seven year itch.

You should check the phone bill to see who she is texting/calling.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Her unhappiness with material things screams gold digger to me. She probably decided it was time for a sugar daddy upgrade. Like others have already advised, you need to back away and let her go. Women cant stand needy, whiny men.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

J311 said:


> Thanks for the reply, that is more than likely what happened. I will leave her completely alone and only contact her to meet the kids. After all that is what she wants to be "co parents"


Did she ever, at any time throughout the marriage, come to you and express her dissatisfaction with you and the marriage? Did she beg you to help out more, step up and be a better partner...or is this the first time you were hearing this?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

aine said:


> Something went wrong somewhere in your marriage, you dropped the ball, this happens usually around the 5-7 year mark as young married men are so caught up in working hard and being good providers, they got the girl, the kids, etc but forget to romance their wife and give her some attention.
> At this stage many men also start taking the wife for granted, the things they did when they wanted her, they soon forget about, they stop wining, dining, showing affection, etc. They assume as long as she has sex with them, then all is well, but her needs are not being met.
> 
> A woman's love is quite enduring but it begins to fade if she is not getting the love and cherishing she needs.
> ...


It sounds like it's not that "enduring". Women love the good provider part. They really like it come divorce time.
But, if they provide too well so that the wife has time to dwell on how devoid her life is because her man isn't doing x,y,z; it's all over.
Certainly you are a woman, and I think you're right in what you're saying. But, why can't women realize that all the dating and courting stuff goes both ways? Is she dressing for her man like she dresses for girls night out? Is she putting as much thought into making her man feel loved as she is in material things, fancy trips, friends, everything but her husband? 
I think both men and women need a lot of training on how to be a good husband and good wife, than both are getting. Men that are broadsided by a WalkawAy wife aren't always bad people. One can say that the man had his mind on other things---- lots of times they are valuable things that the other spouse benefits from.
Ex. My ex didn't like me spending lots of time working on old trucks and outboards. But she never minded when I enclosed a garage and repaired her parents cars and hers-- for nothing. I did it to make them happy. Had the opposite effect, apparently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Yep, you'd be wise to check your phone bill.

You cry/beg and do the "pick me dance" makes you look weak and pathetic in her eyes.

Go dark on her except for the kids. Dress nice, etc when you're around.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Get to an attorney ASAP. Most states won't allow a parent to move the kids 3 hours away, without the other parent's consent.

Start protecting yourself. Finances, property, and your rights as a parent.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Yes I would definitely say she made her feelings well known. I was so consumed with providing for our family I probably neglected her needs. But at the same time it's a two way street...


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Unfortunately in Georgia she can move them as far away as he wants to. Hope she has fun living at home with mommy and daddy being 30 years old.


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

Read The Way of the Superior Man.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Ordered thanks!


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

May also want to read No More Mr. Nice Guy, may find it online for free thru google.


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

NMMNG 
https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Have you actually spoken to a lawyer? How do you know she can move that far away? If you have not spoken to a divorce lawyer you do not know the truth.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

She sounds pretty selfish.

I know it's hard to see, but you might be better off. Just spend as much time as you can with your kids, OK?


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Yes she is being extremely selfish. Just to give you an idea she picked our kids up from daycare didn't call me and didn't call me when she got home. She than proceeded to do her nightly walk and never called me. I have to always reach out to her parents in order to talk to my children. I will be giving her the cold shoulder and have no use in talking to her any longer. When i call to speak to talk to the children i won't even acknowledge she is there.


In regards to the other post i have talked to a divorce lawyer and papers have already been finalized.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

J311 said:


> Yes she is being extremely selfish. Just to give you an idea she picked our kids up from daycare didn't call me and didn't call me when she got home. She than proceeded to do her nightly walk and never called me. I have to always reach out to her parents in order to talk to my children. I will be giving her the cold shoulder and have no use in talking to her any longer. When i call to speak to talk to the children i won't even acknowledge she is there.
> 
> 
> In regards to the other post i have talked to a divorce lawyer and papers have already been finalized.


Have you discussed what's happening with her parents?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Possibilities are open down the road?? This might be a big hissy fit about getting more attention. I think you should slam the door on that and on that and not have anymore contact with her just through your lawyer. She's not giving you an option about leaving, so don't give her an option to come back. Even if she did want to coms back at some time in the future, would you want to go through this again whenever she want more attention?


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Yes i have, they have allowed her to move back in with them. They have a small house on the property thats currently occupied. When that lady leaves she and the kids will move in there. What a ****ty place for my kids to grow up!

Our last argument was when i contacted her mother because i was concerned for her safety because she didn't show up to our warehouse. She found out i talked to her mother and said "if anything happens to my mother because you keep bothering her im going to kill you" I asked her to leave the warehouse im sure our neighbors heard all of this commotion. So i try to keep my contact with her parents limited. Her parents seem fine that she is back home, maybe so she cant help them out and take care of them. I never imagined in a million years my 2 kids being raised by there grandparents because thats whats happening now. Just a damn sucky situation all around


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

JB I completely agree, I just hate not having that family unit together. That's whats bothering me the most oh well..


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

You know, I usually stay out of these threads. Do you people really think she up and walked out of the clear blue because she is "selfish"? She told him the problem. He does not listen to her. He admits he took her for granted. You thought you could just ignore her words and go to work every day. Phone it in, and she would just "stay". You are learning otherwise. 

And now boo hoo hoo, how can she take my kids. Because you took yourself away from her? And now she has to take care of herself. Good on her.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Good reply, Yeah i definitely feel it was both of us taking each other for granted. Just got caught up with life and not focusing on what was the important things in life. I definitely realize where i messed up, but it's too late for me now


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

J311 said:


> Yes I would definitely say she made her feelings well known. I was so consumed with providing for our family I probably neglected her needs. But at the same time it's a two way street...


AH! So HERE is the truth of the issue! So you blew her off and now crying because she left?? Been there, got the tshirt...no matter how much he cried, there was no way in hell I was staying. Sorry dude, you need to let it go.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I have no problem admitting i blew her off but i think subconsciously it was her attitude with me and not giving me any respect that was driving me away from her


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

J311 said:


> Good reply, Yeah i definitely feel it was both of us taking each other for granted. Just got caught up with life and not focusing on what was the important things in life. I definitely realize where i messed up, but it's too late for me now


This is very common, if that is any consolation. Dude just goes along, not realizing things were "that bad" until the wake up call that is her finally leaving, as if failing to leave was all he really needed from her.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

It might not be so bad if it was just her & I but when you have kids 2.5 & 3.5 it adds a whole different dimension onto things. It is especially heart wrenching that i get to see them 1 full day on the weekends because of the driving distance of 3 hours


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

J311 said:


> Good reply, Yeah i definitely feel it was both of us taking each other for granted. Just got caught up with life and not focusing on what was the important things in life. I definitely realize where i messed up, but it's too late for me now


Maybe it is not too late? 

Is it possible to try MC when things settle down?

If you are going to be resolute, then it's over.

A marriage only needs one hero, will you be that?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

J311 said:


> I have no problem admitting i blew her off but i think subconsciously it was her attitude with me and not giving me any respect that was driving me away from her


Making excuses.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Aine we did try counseling al beit it 3 sessions at a cost of $600!!!. I was trying any and everything, I thought we were moving into a positive direction. The counselor seemed to think so, Hell she didn't even want to do counseling at all. I was able to get her there. We did a temperament test, she picked all 20 lion trains i leaned more towards a golden retriever with some lion. She is super dominant to say the least. I feel that got in the way of the marriage


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

The last counseling session she went by herself and i guess exclaimed to the mc that she wanted to be co parents and friends. It's like she has so much rage and hate she would grit her teeth when she would get mad. She hates the house we lived in becuase she thought i bought it for my ex, she hated the honey moon to punta cana, she didnt like her engagement ring, i mean come on here really.....


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

She has told me that she wants to focus on herself. I think he might have felt smothered in the marriage and couldn't breathe. She also helped me at the business, so we saw each other at work and then at home she felt like more of an employee or partner as a wife.. I'm going to give her the space and time to focus on herself. I'm going to do the same thing and focus on myself. If something down the road works out so be in it. If not it just wasn't meant to be. It sure is tough as hell right now though.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

What's so great about this woman that you like so much???
She sounds awful to me. There's lots of awful people, few good ones. Look for a good one.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

J311 said:


> The last counseling session she went by herself and i guess exclaimed to the mc that she wanted to be co parents and friends. It's like she has so much rage and hate she would grit her teeth when she would get mad. She hates the house we lived in becuase she thought i bought it for my ex, she hated the honey moon to punta cana, she didnt like her engagement ring, i mean come on here really.....


Yes, let us come on here really. DID you get her what YOU wanted? Or what she wanted? Be honest.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

As far as the honeymoon she wanted california, i wanted to surprise here with a nice honey moon we could go to california any time. Same thing went with the engagement ring 2 carat center diamond what she wasnt happy because it wasnt the cut she wanted. At the end of the day she said it was all about me and i didn't listen. I guess lesson learned.. or maybe she got married for the wrong reasons it just sucks 7 years down the tubes


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

J311 said:


> As far as the honeymoon _she wanted_ california, *i wanted* to surprise here with a nice honey moon we could go to california any time


So you decided that your objective measure (or the measure of what you wanted) was more important than what she wanted. What a silly thing to feel bummed out that she was ignored over a once in a lifetime thing! I mean your idea was "better" by YOUR measure.



> Same thing went with the engagement ring 2 carat center diamond what she wasnt happy because it wasnt the cut she wanted. At the end of the day she said it was all about me and i didn't listen. I guess lesson learned.. or maybe *she *got married for the wrong reasons it just sucks 7 years down the tubes


You will do this again with your next relationship.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Trust me im not worried about another relationship now at all. Not even a thought, im concerned with my kids. As far as the engagement ring was concerned i always thought it was supposed to be a surprise. She always thought she got a used ring, because i bought a loose diamond and had it put in a setting. She has no clue how much money and thought were put into that ring. I just dont think she was ready to be married....... and handle the responsibilities of a married couple. No fighting no infidelity just your everyday argument and me not listenting to her... and she wants to move on with her life


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Did she care about the cost of the ring? Did you talk about it or did you just assume it was "supposed" to be a surprise?


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

She did care about the cost of the ring like i said it wasn't big enough for her. This is a 29 year old girl that wants a 150k g wagon and a 700,000-800,000 home. Quoting from her, marriage i believe was doomed from the start i always remember hearing her parents tell her she has champagne taste on a water budget......


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you looked at the last few months' phone records to see what number she's been texting?


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

She doesn't understand whats important in life and the things mentioned above arent important AT THE END OF DAY. However they were obviously important to her. Maybe that was trying to help cover her insecurities about herself i dont know


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

J311 said:


> She did care about the cost of the ring like i said it wasn't big enough for her. This is a 29 year old girl that wants a 150k g wagon and a 700,000-800,000 home. Quoting from her, marriage i believe was doomed from the start i always remember hearing her parents tell her she has champagne taste on a water budget......


Well that is clearly a different issue from not being listened to. I think "get a job" is the right response there.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

In regards to the phone issue we were on my parents family plan, she constantly hated being bugged when she went over on her internet. Keep in mind my parents paid the bill. She hated being pestered about that so she got her own phone plan. I do remember one evening where she was up all night and her phone was going off like crazy. She said it was people responding to sales ads.......whatever


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

She wanted to get a job i believe i held her back from pursing her career so she could help me. That was a tremendous mistake one that should have never been entertained. She did have a few non important jobs while we together but she left everyone and blamed me as to why she had to leave the job go figure..


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

J311 said:


> She wanted to get a job i believe i held her back from pursing her career so she coulde. help m That was a tremendous mistake one that should have never been entertained. She did have a few non important jobs while we together but she left everyone and blamed me as to why she had to leave the job go figure..


Dude. IC. On the one hand, you keep her from working and contributing to the lifestyle she wants. To help you. Then you say "go figure" when she does exactly that. There is more to your story than you see.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Don't get me wrong i dont think bringing in 7500=13,000 per month is a bad gig. We were doing great business wise and had a 5600sq warehouse..... I should have never had her work with me, we saw each other too much. I should have taken the initiative to hire an employee.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

NobodySpecial said:


> You know, I usually stay out of these threads. Do you people really think she up and walked out of the clear blue because she is "selfish"? She told him the problem. He does not listen to her. He admits he took her for granted. You thought you could just ignore her words and go to work every day. Phone it in, and she would just "stay". You are learning otherwise.
> 
> And now boo hoo hoo, how can she take my kids. Because you took yourself away from her? And now she has to take care of herself. Good on her.


Please help me connect that statement with this:



J311 said:


> My goodness I don't know where to even begin. My wife were married for 5 years me 34 her 29. We have 2 beautiful children ages 2.5 and 3.5. We met online and she was from a town 3 hours away from where I lived. *Throughout the marriage she was unhappy with things like her engagement ring honey moon destination etc. hell we got engaged at the top of Saint Thomas.* We had our far share or arguments no infidelity or anything physical. Approx 6 weeks ago she got a job moved back home with her parents and our two kids and told me she wants a divorce. She said I never helped around the house or listened to her. I was so focused on work. I definitely would agree with her on those statements. *She has said she has outgrown me and outgrown the town we live in and that I need to move on. She shows no emotion even when I cry. She tells me it's done.* Her birthday is at the end of May and she doesn't want me to do anything with her. I want to work this out with her and show her how much I care and love her but all she says is that he is done! She doesn't want to date me but says down the road all possibilities are open. Any thoughts on what might transpire here?


Because all that screams 'selfish' and 'wanting freedom to find a different guy' to me.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

J311 said:


> She wanted to get a job i believe i held her back from pursing her career so she could help me. That was a tremendous mistake one that should have never been entertained. She did have a few non important jobs while we together but she left everyone and blamed me as to why she had to leave the job go figure..


Talk more about that.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I agree with you, i believe her version of marriage was a complete fantasy. When she saw how difficult a marriage was she wanted out. It takes 2 to make a marriage work.. I wish her all the luck in the world finding someone else.... but than again she never dated in high school. The guys must have been able to read here and see right through here bull**** for me i guess i was blinded...


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

marduk said:


> Please help me connect that statement with this:
> 
> 
> 
> Because all that screams 'selfish' and 'wanting freedom to find a different guy' to me.


While selfish is definitely a factor here, there are other things in the thread that speak to her communicating her desires and having them roundly ignored in favor of his version of fabulous. I think he wants to establish an action plan that might entice his wife back to him. There is only one way to this. Understand his role. Understand hers. And understand the only one who can change such that a different outcome is possible is him.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Well then most recent post says all bets are off.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

J311 said:


> she never dated in high school.


While you're at it, talk more about that, too.

And what your dating life was like.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Ok, what i know from her past she was in a relationship where the guy beat her. Other than that she didn't do much dating at all. She went to new york to do modeling got sick and never pursued that any further. My dating life was like hers, i didnt date that much. I had one long term relationship 6 years and a few small ones


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I would love to work things out with her. Hell she is the mother of my 2 beautiful kids, if down the road she wants to try it again we can see what happens. There are no guarantees in life and nothing is permanent.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

She traded up, dude. Champagne tastes...5000 sq ft house...yet your parents paid your phone bill? She thinks she's found, or intends to find, a 'real man' who will give her 'better.'

Problem is, you sound like you gave her WAY more than better. I know a man who, by the time his wife finally left, was working three jobs, 80 hours a week, because she had a champagne taste and nothing was ever good enough. He's so happy now that she's gone.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Turnera, i would liken myself to that man. **** we ate dinner and the bill was $120 for the two of us......nothing was ever good enough for her. I remember telling her on numerous Listen i don't think i will ever be able to make you happy your just so miserable all the time. I miss the routine a lot of seeing her talking to her, going to dinner or a vacation. But it seems like that's all they are going to be just memories


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

she is riding around in a 50,000 suburban. Yes she had it MORE THAN GOOD. She will realize the mistake she made in leaving but it will be too late on my end.......


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

J311 said:


> Ok, what i know from her past she was in a relationship where the guy beat her. Other than that she didn't do much dating at all. She went to new york to do modeling got sick and never pursued that any further. My dating life was like hers, i didnt date that much. I had one long term relationship 6 years and a few small ones


So her romantic and sexual history was a guy that abused her and you. 

And nothing was ever good enough.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

That was before we met, she told me he would punch her in the stomach


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

J311 said:


> That was before we met, she told me he would punch her in the stomach


Dude. Try to give complete answers. 

What was your relationship like when you were dating? Why did you marry her? Why did she say yes?

When was your first clue things weren't good? 

What was happening at that time?


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Our relatinship dating was great i remember telling my mother we haven't had an argument yet and things were excellent. I married her becuase i trully loved and cared for her. She put timelines on things for instance she wanted to be proposed by a certain date etc or she would leave. To be honest i don't think she was prepared to say yes. It was a beautiful proposal though at the peak of saint thomas. First clue i can't even remember it just seems like a big blur to me, She has a better recollection of the marriage i guess and she says it was hell the entire marriage. I must be the biggest relationship dumbass out there PERIOD..


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

J311 said:


> Our relatinship dating was great i remember telling my mother we haven't had an argument yet and things were excellent. I married her becuase i trully loved and cared for her. She put timelines on things for instance she wanted to be proposed by a certain date etc or she would leave. To be honest i don't think she was prepared to say yes. It was a beautiful proposal though at the peak of saint thomas. First clue i can't even remember it just seems like a big blur to me, She has a better recollection of the marriage i guess and she says it was hell the entire marriage. I must be the biggest relationship dumbass out there PERIOD..




How helpful is it to blame her? I haven't seen you own up to your mistakes.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Oh I have in numerous other previous posts. I'm well aware i neglected her needs for sure.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

J311 said:


> Oh I have in numerous other previous posts. I'm well aware i neglected her needs for sure.




Yet she should have stayed regardless?


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

She stayed until roughly 6 weeks ago yes. She started reading a lot and acting completely different. She than proceeds to tell me she is seeing the same numbers all over town. On a license plate or chick fil a receipt. She told me if was her guardian angel talking to her...


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I remember calling her mother and talking to her about that. I thought she literally cracked up or was going through some type of post partum depression. That's how i viewed the situation... she was planning her escape and nothing more


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

J311 said:


> Turnera, i would liken myself to that man. **** we ate dinner and the bill was $120 for the two of us......nothing was ever good enough for her. I remember telling her on numerous Listen i don't think i will ever be able to make you happy your just so miserable all the time. I miss the routine a lot of seeing her talking to her, going to dinner or a vacation. But it seems like that's all they are going to be just memories


In other words, you were a TOOL to FIX her need for better, more, more expensive. She didn't marry you because she loved you. She married you because she needed validation, lots of it, and a man's purpose is to provide that.

So thank your lucky stars you found out now, and move forward with the intention of getting a lawyer so that you get 50/50 custody of your kids. My friend's daughter turned out just like her awful mom. But she was a teenager by the time they divorced. If you have your kids half the time they still have a chance at turning out decent.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I would agree with you completely. I was a vice to fix her need. And she might have never 100% loved me


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Might? Yeah, she never loved you. Propose by a certain date or else?????
Lol, that's a pretty big red flag you ignored.
My current gf wants a pretty expensive ring. But she makes 4 times what I do and that's all she's ever asked for. And I haven't gotten it and she'd be satisfied with a ring from Costco, she said. 
You are way better off without this "lady".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

I agree with your comments above. It sure has been great to have a forum like these to vent your feelings..


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Trust me things at one time were very good. She might have had some expectations that were never met. I ignored her feelings etc and she finally fell out of love. My ex of 6 years lived in the same house as we did for less than a year. She was never able to get over that it bothered her too much. She complained we never got new furniture in the house the entire time we were married. We got very very nice things from my business (buying storage unit auctions). I get those things that were not bought at a retail store didn't count. She has a lot to work on and so do I. I'm nieve i would like this to work for the health and well being of our 2 young children. However at the same time she will be set in her ways and i don't think i would be able to handle her **** all over again.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Whhhhaaaatt? Your ex lived w you and your wife?????

Really?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

No no you read that wrong haha. My ex lived in the house until we seperated. I met my current wife years after that


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

would have been some 3some hahah


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So what went wrong in that long term relationship where evidently you had lived together?


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

We both decided to end that relationship it was mutual. No hurt feelings, but my current wife could never get over the fact that my ex had lived in the house for lets see less than a year if i remember correctly. So then the home improvement projects started happening so she could add her own touch. She wanted a new house but i wasn't ready to make that leap just yet. I'm not big on change that's just my temperament. I'm glad i made the right decision if i did decide on a newer house i would have a higer mortgage payment and she would have ended up leaving anyways


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Or maybe she resented the fact that you were willing to make that leap for the ex - getting a house together, but didn't really "feel it" with her. 

Which I'm sure was just compounded by the fact that all of your furniture was stuff you'd repoed from people's storage spaces. That really doesn't tend to make anyone feel special or important to know you have someone else's dead grandma's sofa, just saying.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

i definitely see where your coming from. I'm cheap... our sofa came from a unit that cost 250 it was a $3000 leather sofa if we went to the retail store and bought it. I didn't see a big deal about it, but i guess it bugged the absolute hell out of her


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Look, be glad she up and left. All she was doing was making you miserable anyhow and that isn't a marriage.

Right now your job is being the best dad you can be to your kids, nothing more. Let her go and get on with your life. There was nothing that would make her satisfied so let some other guy suffer.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

it's tough to say but agreed.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I can't give you any advice on getting her back because I think you're better off without her. You need to fix your picker. The next time make sure you find someone that wants to with you because you're you. You shouldn't have to jump through hoops and spend a lot of money on someone just to keep them happy.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Agreed and I must have not read the signs. It sucks after 7 years and 2 kids. But i guess at the end of the day we both wanted different things. It flat out sucks but life goes on


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

One of the wonderful members of this forum recommended No more mr nice guy. I line up to that with a tee wow. I guess i have a lot to work on.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

It is okay. Now you know.

Just don't be like some who come here, realizing they are nice guys, and then proceeding to do nothing about it...

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Now that I have identified the problem, I can't wait to work on the issue. Thanks for the support ^^^^^


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

One more book recommendation, @J311:

Hold On To Your N.U.T's by Wayne Levine. It is an easy read, and is sort of like a living and relationship manual for men.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

Ok Thanks


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

So i briefly talked to my wife yesterday and was getting aggravated with the kids going to bed so late. I think this might be taking it's toll on her. I don't contact her at all unless i need to talk to the kids. I hope she enjoys living with her parents


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

J311 said:


> We both decided to end that relationship it was mutual. No hurt feelings, but my current wife could never get over the fact that my ex had lived in the house for lets see less than a year if i remember correctly. So then the home improvement projects started happening so she could add her own touch. She wanted a new house but i wasn't ready to make that leap just yet. I'm not big on change that's just my temperament. I'm glad i made the right decision if i did decide on a newer house i would have a higer mortgage payment and she would have ended up leaving anyways


Sometime practicality kills the relationship. I am guilty of it.


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## J311 (May 2, 2016)

agreed


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

J311 said:


> My goodness I don't know where to even begin.


Neither do I... bowing out of this one.


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## Froggi2 (Mar 29, 2016)

J311 said:


> Understood! It's so damn difficult with the kids being involved and a 3hr driving distance. On top of this **** my mother found out she had cancer and while doing chemo had a stroke and she had the nerve to pull all of this **** while my mother was in the hospital, I guess she never really cared about me,


Get a lawyer. She can divorce you but she had no right to just take off with your kids three hours away. I'd force her to bring them back. They are yours too.


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