# I am 36 , shes 25 , but I think age difference may be a problem..



## singleheart

Hi Friends,

Looking for serious suggestions and advice to help me ponder and decide my love life.

I am a young looking,fit 36 yr old guy in love with a 25 yr old single girl, we are at same wavelengths as far as chatting goes, discussions etc..and the infatuation+love..seems to be getting stronger ..but inspite of her hints to move forward, I am trying to break away and ignore her..since her mother doesnt like her marrying a 11 yr older guy.

I am reading in many forums that age difference destroys a marriage , and women want younger men with a diff of max 5- 7 yrs.

Any true life experiences to be shared here..will help me rest in love..

Thanks and God Bless.


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## reachingshore

If she is adequately mature and you are adequately young-at-heart, there shouldn't be any problems concerning the age difference.

I met my husband when I was 19. He is 10 years older. We've been together for almost 10 years (married for 9 years).


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## Mrs.G

The fact that this girl, is letting her mother influence who she marries, shows that she's not mature enough for you. A real woman can withstand people not liking her choice, because she has enough confidence in her decision.
I have always liked older men. The good ones are more mature and have gotten past the clubbing and skirt chasing. They also make sensual and tender lovers. The bad ones are controlling, selfish and manipulative.
My husband is 8 years my senior. I get people saying he looks old, but I don't care. He knows when to baby me and when to step aside. He is accepting and patient. 
More than five years difference can pose unique challenges, but it's not like you are old enough to be her dad. There is a huge difference between 18 and 29 vs 25 and 36. 
Most men are proud to have a sexy young wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602

Depends on the people involved and the age at the time of marriage. Even though you are a young 35 you are at a different stage in life and gerneratiot than she. If you met her when she was 30 and you were 40, it may make a different because she woould have gotten through the peak of the time that she is growing in knowing who she is. I have seen this age difference and the problems start as the man ages and the woman is still young and not yet ready to enter a middle aged life- style. Also, if the friend are the man's age, and there are few generational shared experiences that may cause problem. 

When you are 50 and 60 she will be 40, and 50, if you are beset with the problems that aging men are prone to and she is in her peak, there may be a disconnect there. I have a friend who got married to a man 13 yrs older, he had money, she was young and dazzled by his sophistication. But 10 years latter she is 31, she met a 28 yo man and wants to leave her husband now. She realized she made a mistake 6 yrs after she married, his age and the older friend they hung out with was another problem. 

Fifty % of marriages dont work out so, they may have split anyway, whose to tell. But in her case, she may have been happier when the fog of in love period lifted and she looked at what her life was like. Think it out carefully and if you think she is mature enough to accept your aging when she is still young then go for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

My parents were 36 (him) - 25 (her)

I've never seen a better couple.

Relax.


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## Mrs.G

Catherine makes excellent points. 
I was never into the expected pastimes of the 20's set. I was never into the club scene, didn't enjoy getting drunk for no reason and loved to attend plays and live jazz concerts.
When I dated older men when I was single, the majority of them only wanted to use me for sex and then settle down with a more acceptable partner. That said, I remember some fool using the "stages of life" argument as a reason not to get serious. This man rented a room from his sister and drove a car his parents bought. I paid my rent on my own apartment and did not have family support.
Sometimes I feel the age difference when my husband goes to bed early on the weekends. I also feel it when I see the grey in his beard and the hair loss. I still love my old man, though. The grey hair is sexy.
Is the 25 year old still living at home?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal

You pose a difficult and interesting question. Yes, there can be a great deal of difference, from the viewpoint that the longer we live, the more life experience we have. However, there are immature 50-somethings and mature 20-somethings. That is a generalization, but it does happen.

I've lived a long time (well, not prehistoric, but approaching it), and I notice the maturity levels of 20-somethings, because my friends have kids in that age group. I believe it honestly depends on the individual. One of my gf's has a 26-year-old son who volunteered for a year in Afghanistan, made Captain (Army), and he's far more mature than the guy in the apartment next to mine, who often spends hours on end playing games on his 55-inch flat screen, boozing it up with his buds, and doesn't have an issue saying "f-you" to his gf during a debate (thin walls here ...).

My present husband is four years younger than me; however, we got married in our 40's; yet I consider him immature. His first wife was 10 years younger than him and I think their maturity levels were compatible.

If the age difference is a problem for you, then trust your instincts. You are up-close and personal with the woman, and I can only go on what you are saying here. Perhaps a woman in her early 30's might be a better fit.

In the end, it boils down to shared values and interests. If you are on the same wavelength and can relate to one another's interests and values, age is less of an issue.


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## surfergirl

How long have you been dating? What do you mean by "moving forward"....does that mean seeing eachother more regularly or moving in together or becoming engaged etc.?

My son is 33 just about to marry his 24 year old sweetheart and in my eyes it couldn't be a better match. He's also young at heart - mainly because he didn't marry young so hasn't had the responsibilities (or baggage) that brings with it I think.

They share a lot of common interests and have similar family backgrounds and life values. Plus she has done a lot of living in her young years, and is quite mature so when you add that to his young at heartness....I reckon their "age" would be around 30.

They "dated" (with sleep-overs on weekends) for three years and have been living together for the last twelve months - so they've taken it fairly slow. Which is what I would suggest everyone do


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## mentallydrained

OMG!!! THIS IS ME....MY LIFE! My H and I met when I was 23, he 33, giong on 34. We are now 41 and he soon to turn 52. 

We dated 6yrs before he decided to ask me to marry. He was married prior with a son. He married first time out of obligation due to her being pregnant. Anyway...what Catherine602 says, is so very, very dead on!

We, starting out had some interest, very active. But now, I have been struggling for a while now (about 2-3 years) with the disconnect, not ready to go 'stagnant' per say. He is content with just us (me, him and our dd) staying home, doing our own thing in our own world. I miss socialization. I miss going out with people. Problem being, I have no 'people' as the circle of friends, are 10+ from me. So again, as Catherine stated....it can become extremely difficult as you age. 

I know H hates hearing me say our age is now a factor for me. Although I do believe in my heart age should not be a difference, it does dependend on when you actually meet. Me, 22 and H 33, well....I never was on own, had a life of own. Lived at home because I was in college. He was divorced, had own house, responsible, a child etc. Now, 18yrs later, well.....I'm very unhappy, lonely, bored. And I cannot blame him. It's not that he has changed....he has grown the way he should, I guess. 

Yes, think it out carefully. I thought and I think H thought I was mature enough as well. Well...sort of. He didn't want kids and at one time, (I was living with him) he told me I should leave as he didn't want to get married. I got my first apartment, and 6 months later, he asked. Today, he says he did that to see if I 'was mature' enough. What made that decision I have know idea. But looking back, there were many 'obsticles' that I chose to overlook or make myself believe were not an issue. One beign kids. He didn't want one and 1st time was a complete accident. Then we lost her at birth. Then he was more adamit then evet to not. Becuase I didn't care...he still had his own things, life, happiness etc. I wasn't happy, so I deceived him, got pregnant again. She is a healthy beautiful 7yr old now, but I went about it totally wrong and we have had problems. 

He loves her to death and she is a daddies girl, but as for us, our marriage, it has struggled a lot. It's a tough decision. As a women, you want to be loved, desired, etc. And H did all that. But now, I cannot do in return. Almost like now, even though marrired 13yrs this year out of 19 together, I almost feel like now I"m not wanting to 'settle'. I never really 'loved my life or was happy with just me'. Always felt needed a companion to be happy. It's caught up with me and at a horrible time in life.

Think through. Good luck to you. I feel for you and her both. Love is tough.


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## Rob774

To me... and this is only my opinion. I would want my daughter dating a guy 11 years her senior while she is only 25. I'm 36 now, and i wouldn't want to date a girl 11 years younger than me. Sleep with... you betcha!!! Date seriouslessly... that's okay. I have (had) gils in that age group at my gig for years who've come and gone. Some i got to know real well, at 25... despite their age, they still have a little bit of teenage mindframe in them. Sure they out grow it, as my wife did. But i've seen myself get into petty squables with them, when i knew if they were 10 years older this would not be an issue. 

Also as my personal dating stance... i'd be afraid that i'd be getting close to my "summitt" in regards to sperm count. U are 36 now, u might not walk down the aisle till 37/38, which means u might not even try for kids till your 39. Now what would you think would be in the back of her mind if you guys had trouble concieving??? Now of course i already have 3 kids, so of course i'm jaded, knowing i'd want no more, thus wouldn't waste my time on a woman who more than likely wants kids if she didn't have any already.


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## mentallydrained

Rob774 said:


> Now of course i already have 3 kids, so of course i'm jaded, knowing i'd want no more, thus wouldn't waste my time on a woman who more than likely wants kids if she didn't have any already.


Rob774, my H was same as you. He didn't want kids, had one and due to medical issues swore anymore off. However, never had vasectomy. Do you think you (or a man) could love a women enough to say "we'll deal with it if time comes"? That is what happend to me and H. But, now, there are other issues on rise and mainly my issues due to different outlooks.

Sometimes I wonder if I knew H couldn't have kids, if that would have been better? Well...it would have been now, as we wouldn't have a child, and there wouldn't be added guilt or responsiblity if we split. 

Bottom line I guess....unfortuantely, age difference or not, to me it seems you definately have to look LONG TERM and at your possible future when tieing the knot.


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## Rob774

emotionalwreck said:


> Rob774, my H was same as you. He didn't want kids, had one and due to medical issues swore anymore off. However, never had vasectomy. *Do you think you (or a man) could love a women enough to say "we'll deal with it if time comes"?* That is what happend to me and H. But, now, there are other issues on rise and mainly my issues due to different outlooks.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> This is a painful question. See at this point of my life, if i was single, i'd like to consider myself "master of my own domain." I'd really hope that if i was messing around with girls of that age range, i'd be smart enough not to let feelings get too deep for me to be in love with them. Only problem with that scenario is that things sometimes don't work out that way.
> 
> If i indeed woke up one day, and my pool of eligable bachelorette's were dry, then all of a sudden a 25 year old DIME ( philly talk for a girl that's a "10" in looks ) comes into my life and we hit it off. It might be too hard for me to say, "I'm just here to hit it and be out" , moments after she professes her love for me. If i find myself in love with her and she wants to have a kid.. i'd probably be down to do whatever she wants.
> 
> Ur situation is unique, i think your husband she have been more clear from the start about his feelings in regards to kids. So you could of made a firm decision earlier.


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## mentallydrained

Rob774 said:


> emotionalwreck said:
> 
> 
> 
> Rob774, my H was same as you. He didn't want kids, had one and due to medical issues swore anymore off. However, never had vasectomy. *Do you think you (or a man) could love a women enough to say "we'll deal with it if time comes"?* That is what happend to me and H. But, now, there are other issues on rise and mainly my issues due to different outlooks.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> This is a painful question. See at this point of my life, if i was single, i'd like to consider myself "master of my own domain." I'd really hope that if i was messing around with girls of that age range, i'd be smart enough not to let feelings get too deep for me to be in love with them. Only problem with that scenario is that things sometimes don't work out that way.
> 
> If i indeed woke up one day, and my pool of eligable bachelorette's were dry, then all of a sudden a 25 year old DIME ( philly talk for a girl that's a "10" in looks ) comes into my life and we hit it off. It might be too hard for me to say, "I'm just here to hit it and be out" , moments after she professes her love for me. If i find myself in love with her and she wants to have a kid.. i'd probably be down to do whatever she wants.
> 
> Ur situation is unique, i think your husband she have been more clear from the start about his feelings in regards to kids. So you could of made a firm decision earlier.
> 
> 
> 
> Ya, it is painful. I guess all in all, it comes down to you and the SO feelings and honesty. My H was clear but on flip side, said he felt since didn't get a vasectomy feels 'subconsciously' must have felt it was the right thing to do if he truly loved me to allow me a child. Yet, now, it often comes up as the "I told you so" conversation at times. Which I cannot let go of in my resentment catagory.
> 
> Singleheart, one thing I guess I would suggest....if this is the lady you wish to spend life with...DO NOT hold any grudges or things towards her that possibly you may regret or resent later in life. Such as children. I was 34 when having our DD, H 45. There are many incidents that he has made comment of "this is why I didn't want anymore kids" the ol' I told you so. Something I have a problem of letting go of against him. And, at age 52, our DD 7, the acitivity level is tough. I'm 41, and feel like I should be 52 as well as I've mentally allowed myself to fall under the 'I"m too old' category that he places himself in. So....with that said....think of those things. They will happen.
Click to expand...


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## singleheart

Thank you sooo much for the valuable experiences..well we are in the process of dating, we are talking to each other and we really match on that level, we enjoy our humour, our conversations , but I am developing a feeling , whether its worth it to take it forward??

I dont want to get in a relationship of mistake..and repent later.I am still young and heart,mind and body and most people who meet and come to know my age are suprised..they think I am 27 - 29 , atleast not thirties.

But is it always so that men will be withering away that fast..I was of the opinon that over time, a 20 year old would look 25 or 30 yr old where as the man still looks and feels younger 

Any comments..???


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## COGypsy

singleheart said:


> But is it always so that men will be withering away that fast..I was of the opinon that over time, a 20 year old would look 25 or 30 yr old where as the man still looks and feels younger
> 
> Any comments..???


I think it just depends on the individuals involved. What you say makes me think of my husband and one of my good friends. My husband is 7 years older than me, in his mid 40's and has very few wrinkles, no grey at all in his hair, and other than looking about 10 months pregnant with his beer belly, still has pretty decent arms and shoulders to him. My friend on the other hand is my age, late 30's, has quite a bit of grey in his hair and while he isn't wrinkled, by any means, you can certainly tell he grew up in the sun. 

I'd guess if you were looking at them, you'd say my husband was the younger. However, once he starts talking, you'd find out that my husband is basically a 70-year old trapped in a 40-something body. He has his future retirement pegged to the penny and the day, watches these old black-and-white movies that make you want to stab your eyes out and can listen to big band music until he goes to bed and the wild and crazy hour of 9:30 pm.

My older-looking friend though, still goes to all the restaurant openings, concerts, takes his daughter all over the place all the time and generally engages with the modern world every chance he gets and so seems his age, if not significantly younger many times. Of course, with a young child, he gets pretty excited if his day actually ends by 9:30 too sometimes ) 

So really, I think it has a lot more to do with genetics and personality than gender... In retrospect, the personalities and the 7-year age difference with my husband have become more stifling than interesting. If I want to go out and do anything, I have to find friends to do it with, because he's just not interested in anything loud, or far, or crowded, or....something. Always something.... 

That would be the biggest caution I have. Sometimes the differences keep things exciting, but I'd say that in my next go-round, I'm going to look for someone a lot more in step with me. Who I was at 27 needed and thrived on someone that was a lot more grounding and we spent 10 years showing each other a lot of new and different things. But now, there's not a lot of new to show and what we each sincerely like is pretty disparate. So we're looking at figuring out a new relationship instead. But it wasn't bad while it lasted....


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## reachingshore

singleheart said:


> But is it always so that men will be withering away that fast..I was of the opinon that over time, a 20 year old would look 25 or 30 yr old where as the man still looks and feels younger


I don't know why but your question led me to thinking your issue stems from some variation of vanity LOL I find it vastly amusing  Honestly (HUG)

We all age, be it men or women. Physical appearance though is just one aspect of how old one is deemed to be, if you know what I mean.



emotionalwreck said:


> I'm 41, and feel like I should be 52 as well as I've mentally allowed myself to fall under the 'I"m too old' category that he places himself in. So....with that said....think of those things. They will happen.


This is very true. In my case, I went through this phase about 5-6 years ago. Probably because I was so young then, after a few years together I felt much older than I actually was. All because of the level of responsibility that I naturally had to take on myself (or the level of responsibility that was thrust onto me, depending on how you look at it). I realized then I felt jaded because of it. I shook it off after awhile, to a certain extent. The kind of entertainment that people my age indulge in or certain subjects of conversation they find amusing, is sometimes tiresome to me. It's not to my husband. Go figure.

On the upside, this speedy "growing up" and adjusting to it gave me certain amount of self-possession, self-confidence. In the beginning I noticed a stark difference in the way I walked into a bank for example, in comparison to other people my age at the time LOL Apparently though it still doesn't work on club bouncers as I still get carded sometimes LOL

I sometimes wonder whether the level of my husband's levity in social life is something that occurred as naturally as my "jadedness", as a way of somewhat balancing things out. From what I heard he has always been fun-going, but I cannot ascertain the level of it, from before he met me. 

Anyway, as I said physical appearance is just one element of one's "age". For example the way one dresses also contributes to the final "appearance".

In all honesty, during those 10 years together, nobody really realized or noticed our age difference. There were occasions that when told, people couldn't quite grasp or "see" it.


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## bilbo

Been there, done that!

If she has some life experience, is a little street wise, and you don't have jealousy issues, it could work. Hopefully no one has much baggage to bring along, and both of you need to have an open mind and be positive. I took a girl out on her 23rd b-day. I was 37. Her parents were mortified.

I had a long marriage that I had finished, no kids. She was out on her own since she was 18. We were good friends before I dated her.

Fast forward 12 years. I'm 49, shes 34. I'm a happy man. Happy because she is a good woman for me. The age difference is a side benefit. I'm a bit reserved, she is a fireball! We have children. I spend more time with them, but she has more energy. She misses the single life a little, but I let her go out without me. I don't need to go out as much as her. She is every man's fantasy and I love that she is with me. She has some issues with me, but not age related. I am young at heart! She enjoys our younger friends more than our older friends, but I enjoy both! I am more responsible but she knows how to have more fun. Our music tastes are a bit different. In other areas, our perspective has changed each others. We wanted each other because we balance the other, not because her skin is tight and I have more stuff. Oh yeah, her parents love me as their own son now!

Ask we anything...

Go into it with the right reasons and age is not a problem.


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## Syrum

I am in a relationship with a 14 year age gap (I am 34, he is 48). I really like it because he is mature, knows what he wants and has learned a lot about life all ready.

I think as long as you both make an effort to do things together, like in any relationship, things will be fine. 

We seem to have a lot of the same interests. I think it would be a problem if he wanted to stay home all the time, However he seems to enjoy getting out and doing things with me. But people of any age can be stagnant and boring, it's really about the personality of the person.


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## DDDCanada

I believe that the age difference will become an issue at some point if you move forward with the relationship. The generational gap can become a point of conflict because of different interests, social circles, etc. If you are hesitant, you should listen to your instincts and move on.


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## mentallydrained

DDDCanada said:


> I believe that the age difference will become an issue at some point if you move forward with the relationship. The generational gap can become a point of conflict because of different interests, social circles, etc. If you are hesitant, you should listen to your instincts and move on.


:iagree::iagree:

Currently experiencing the generation gap. H is adamit it can work but I don't see how. He no longer has desire to be as social as I. And I have fallen into the "I'm too old" syndrome as he. We now feed off each other's depression, I believe an it's ruining us both. Not to mention, should you follow through and have kids, and in event as time goes on and you both grow differently due to the generation gap...it's 20X harder.


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## DDDCanada

emotionalwreck, just curious, what attracted you to an older man?


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## mentallydrained

DDDCanada said:


> emotionalwreck, just curious, what attracted you to an older man?


I know I explained this to you but for other's if want to chime in feel free.

I wasn't looking for older and I didn't actually find out how much older until first date. Should I have stopped then? Probably. But, was having too much fun. At time we went out 2times a week and each weekend. I was 23, he was soon turning 34. Parents didn't even think he was that much older. Also, he was recently divorced with a 9yr old son. Growing up, I swore I never would date a man who was married prior with children. HA...that worked!

After 4 yrs he told me should part, he didn't want to marry again nor have more kids and due to my age, I deserved that. So, I did move out and at age 27 got my first own apartment. I kept houding him though. Telling him a piece of paper doesn't change things. I loved him, wanted him only and didn't care about kids. Which at time, didn't we were too independent having fun. Six months after apart, he proposes. Today, he says that 'tactic' of telling me to move out was a 'test' to see if I could be responsible on my own. :scratchhead:

Anyway, I sometimes wonder if at time, age 28 getting married to 39 yr old if I felt I had no other choice? My time was ticking. I mean how at this late in age (so I felt at time) would I ever find another comfortable enough for me to be with and marry? I know sounds harsh. But looking back I do wonder if that was it.

I had come out of a 5 yr relationship prior to meeting my now H. That guy was the one I thought I'd marry. He was only 2yrs older but he loved sports more and I felt I couldn't compete. So I walked away. We even had the conversation that "we were gonna marry and move to a bigger city", even talked about what we would name our kids. Well, he did move to bigger city. During time H and I split, I actually tried coontacting him but he had moved on. 

So, I marry. Most at wedding even said we were the 'perfect couple'. Two best of friends coming together. Funny, our wedding party were people we weren't even close to. Or I wasn't rather. My maid of honor was a very much older lady then I. An older couple we met through country dance lessons. H had men who he was friends with prior to meeting me. Me..all women who I 'met' through him. None I actually hung out with or was close to. Don't see or speak to any of them they are all 10+years older than me. Makes me very sad even now to know I felt 'desperate' for brides maids and ones I wasn't truly sharing a close friendship with.

Some womean may attract for older due to more mature, or for idea of 'being taken care of' I don't know honestly. 

But I'm a firm believer, all things must me completely honest, upfront, with each ones self to make it work due to the generational gap that will definatley strike down the road! It is inevitable.


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## Anooniemouse

I don't know, the issues of a younger woman would drive me crazy. Nice to look at, but as soon as they speak awhile I go back to appreciating what I have in my 40 year old companion, and am thankful for what I don't have to deal with. 

I started back to school to get my doctorate of pharmacy in my mid 30's. Medical schools are quite picky about what credits they will accept, and want most of them within the last 5 years. So I had to go through a lot of the undergrad classes again. So I came into contact, and often end up having to work with 20-26 year olds on a regular basis. There is no replacement for those years, the maturity acquired during them, and for the lack of outward focus that so many of them possess. 

When I hear conversations like "He didn't text me back at 2am, and it just makes me feel like he doesn't love me" ...that gives me the kind of pause to realize there are some very real differences in senses of entitlement, and focus in that age group. 

Even if everything I have now were to go to hell; I still wouldn't even take a 20 something home for even casual things. Its not worth the aggravation to me. YMMV! You might find an exception, and it might be something that is easier for you to deal with, but I'm not sold on the idea it doesn't matter, and can be worked around so easily.


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## singleheart

thanks for all the views, i am trying to ignore her and not answering her calls, I did diplomatically tell her about the age thing , which she was a bit pissed off at, but I guess its better to avoid, may be she will stop the persuasion herself.


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## hollowed455

Like others have said I think it's a matter of maturity in the younger person. Make no mistake I have known some pretty immature older people as well! I myself am 33 and my wife is 25 turns 26 next month.


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## Mrs.G

I am attracted to older men because I seek a protective father figure. My father, though loving and gentle, is a weak and henpecked man. He failed to protect me from my sadistic (kicking, biting, strangling) mother. He allowed her to abuse me.
I could not admit this to myself, until I was 23, after five years of dating oldsters. 
Older men are amazing lovers, sensual and romantic. I find a confident lover very attractive. I also find that older men are much more polite and chivalrous. Grey hair is a turn on for me; nothing sexier than salt and pepper hair!
Of course, there are downsides. Many older guys just want to use a young woman for sex; having that experience made me hardened and angry while I was single. Older men can be very controlling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mentallydrained

singleheart said:


> thanks for all the views, i am trying to ignore her and not answering her calls, I did diplomatically tell her about the age thing , which she was a bit pissed off at, but I guess its better to avoid, may be she will stop the persuasion herself.


She sounds like me. I did exact same thing. I basically stalked my now H back then when he said he the age thing was an issue. Not so much age, but the lifestyle of me being so young, should be in need of kids etc. Where, he wanted non of that. Obviously 18yrs later that all changed, BUT 18yrs later, it's TOTALLY NOT Cinderella and happily ever after.

Did I read earlier post her parents do not know your real age? If I read right, if she is afraid to tell them real age, she's not ready for you or serious relationship either.


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## mentallydrained

Mrs.G said:


> I am attracted to older men because I seek a protective father figure.


Hmmmm...brief time I was in counseling this came up. Due to my dad past away within 2 weeks of us losing our 1st daughter, it was asked and mentioned that possibly I held on as I now needed that. 



> Older men can be very controlling.


. _Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]

:iagree: Absolutly. More so and more obvious the older they get and the more you grow together.


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## singleheart

Hi, yup her mother knows my age..i am 36..thats one reason why she aient encouraging her for this relationship or marriage..

I know shes pretty mature enough , but I dont want her to regret later and so do myself..there is a lot of wise discussion here, and majority views point out to a stop to such a relationship.

Though I know I am young thinking, numbers do wreck a relationship..

I am reading on ..and will my choice with better sense prevaling..thanks for everyones comments..


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## southbound

Some very good comments have been given here. I am 5 years older than my x wife. I'm in my early 40s, she is late 30s. I think it can be a matter of age and personality.

Someone here mentioned a 70 year old trapped in a 40 year old body. That could be me. I've always acted a little mature for my age, and it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. I always thought my wife was like that too, but she has started acting younger than her age, so I guess those aren't a good combination. But a few months ago, she said she was no longer happy.

She appears much younger than her age. I can't help but believe that age had something to do with our break up.


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## ispellgood

Hi SingleHeart,

Sounds like the same situation I'm currently in, although with reversed roles. Just a little background for you - I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 38 this year, so we do have that 14 year age difference. We've been together a year, and have known each other for about a year in a half. In my case, I'm the one getting hints about the possibility of settling down, which is unsurprising of course since my boyfriend is nearing his 40's. 

Like your girlfriend, I too have begun to have urges of getting married and starting a family, but like you I too consider my age as fact. Being 24, there is a lot I'd like to experience, and many things I know I still have to do in order to reach the kind of personal fulfillment that should be a pre-requisite for every marriange. However the urge to have a stable home life of my own and reach that kind of life balance is a personal need I respect as well, and part of this relationship is managing both challenges.

Your fear could be the basic fear to finally commit and settle down, and I'm sure you're thinking if this girl is the right girl for you - just as I'm sure my boyfriend is still figuring out if I'm the right person for him and vice versa.

My advice is that you have every right to feel the way you do, but I highly suggest being a little kinder to this girl instead of ignoring her calls in order for her to get the hint. She is young, after all. How long have you been dating, how frequently, and how seriously? If it's been more than 6 months, you should find a more constructive way to discuss your problems than just letting the phone ring off the hook. If it's a casual relationship, then just be frank and tell her about your doubts. You definitely haven't reached that level of love yet that will be unconditional enough for your to accept her for everything she is, age and all.

Her reaction will be a gauge of her maturity. If the emotional pain of your decision (assuming you break ties of her) will be too much for her to handle, then you'll know where you stand. Obviously she isn't ready to stand on her own two feet yet. 

About her mother standing in the way - just accept a mother's protective instincts. This is her daughter and her reaction is a natural urge to protect her, in order to make sure she makes the right decisions in life. It will be up to you to decide if you can deal with this and take the necessary steps to smoothen ties with your probable future mother-in-law, and if the effort will be worth it. I am in a similar situation in the sense that my family has no strong inclination towards my being with this man, but fortunately they respect my decisions and so have no outright dislike for him.

No one's saying marriage has to be a dead end for both of you, but you both have to understand each other and what you'll need, in order to grow. With time, I'm sure things will be clearer, and hopefully become better. 

Good luck!


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