# Separated and husband wants divorce all because of sex



## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

We have been married 22 years and have three kids together. For the majority of our early years my husband and I were very open about sex we started with the occasional threesome with both men and women and then it progressed into my husband wanting to see me with other men so I would have sex with someone videotape it and bring it home for my husband to watch (sounds crazy I know when I type this I think how did I ever do this). This only happened about three times over many years. Then he wanted me to have sex with someone not video tape it but come home and tell him about it, again this happened 3-4 times over many years. I never set any of these meetings up he always arranged them, therefore he always knew about them and encouraged them. In the last probably 5 years I have moved away from this and don't feel like this is something that I want to participate in although my husband still does. My husband has started meeting men from craigslist for the sole purpose of giving them a bj. I have not ever been involved in this activity, but it is something that he enjoys and wants me to participate in it with him.

Long story short we are now separated and he said last night that if I can no longer participate in these outside the marriage activities he wants a divorce. He said that I have changed that something I used to particpate in and I no longer want to but he does he is not willing to live without it. How do you handle this? Do I continue to do something that I don't want to just to keep my marriage going? I can't imaging not being married to him, we have been together 22 years and have three kids. I love this man more than I can even imagine.

Any help would be appreciated, I am devistated about this divorce and don't know what to do!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

If you don't want to do this anymore, then you shouldn't do it anymore. If he still wants to do it, and isn't willing to give it up, then divorce is the only option. You should not force yourself to do things that you don't want to do and that clearly bother you just because he wants you to do them. If he was truly in love with you and truly cared about your marriage, then he would be understanding and willing to give those activities up when you said you weren't comfortable with them anymore.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

well, it is no fun to be forced to something to please someone else, ur hubby especially. it is not odd for him to get turned on to see u engaging in such activities with other men, which u have always obliged for so long. 

but it is sad that after sacrificing so much and he still do not appreciate you, if u think that you can survive on ur own, then he is not worth it. then again, it is always sad that a marriage should end up this way, pity the kids too...


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## geekchick (Oct 23, 2010)

If you weren't into it from the start why did you do it hun? You weren't just lying to him, you were lying to yourself. If you don't want to do it then don't do it. It may be his sexual interest but what about you? I can't imagine the damage this must be doing to you? Me, I'm okay with doing these things with my fiance but because we both set rules, boundaries, safety words and limits and won't do anything that makes the other feel uncomfortable. If you've talked to him then try counseling and if that doesn't work I would divorce him. Just make sure you do what works for you should you divorce and get into another relationship so this won't happen again.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

try to work things out before even considering a divorce... u'll never know how bad it will affect ur kids, no matter how old they are


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

He's gay and is using the fact that you won't participate to hide what is really going on. Cut him loose so that he can be with men!


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## geekchick (Oct 23, 2010)

Workingitout said:


> He's gay and is using the fact that you won't participate to hide what is really going on. Cut him loose so that he can be with men!


He could be bisexual...

OR into BDSM

In the BDSM community we would put him in the D&S section meaning Dominance and Submission. He sounds like a bottom=submissive and he wants to share this part of himself with his wife. He's not telling her he only wants to be with men. It's hard to share the darkest part of our live with someone but he obviously loves her which is why he told her. Counseling could save them. watching and hearing about his wife getting done my other men is fitting a male submission role. Before you judge do your research..

try talking to those in the community or try these sites

http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/ravenwhatisds.htm

BDSM - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Nothing compares to talking to a person of the alternative world though should you have more questions.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I guess I can see where you are coming from. My estranged husband always looked at various men's magazines. And some porn. Over the years the magazines got worse and the movies got raunchier. Well, then he began wanting to have others in our bedroom. At first he jokingly asked how I would like another woman in bed with us. I shot that down in a flash. Only I later discovered he wasn't joking--he was very serious. He moved out, got a swinging partner, became a party animal, and basically had a rip-roaring good time. 

My Christian up-bringing wouldn't allow me to go for that lifestyle. I took my marriage vows very seriously--he did not. I tolerated the porn as more or less a compromise; the other stuff was too far out of my comfort zone. My estranged husband has now been out of the house 2 1/2 years. It was hard to begin with, but now I'm glad I'm not having to live a conflicted life. Things are much more peaceful for me.

I really don't know what to tell you to save your marriage. Either he is going to have to change or you are. And I couldn't imagine giving in on this one. I guess it is going to depend on your convictions.


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

truckersgirl - Is it fair of me to ask him to give up something that he enjoys? 

malemale - The problem is I think he does appreciate me, he is not asking me to do anything I don't want to do. He knows I will not do it now and is now forced to decide if he can do without or divorce.

geek - I think I was into it from the start, I did not do it just to please him, it was fun. But I am now a lot older and have three kids and I just don't agree with it now. I have changed not him.


working - No way he is gay, he is definately into women but likes men every now and then.

827 - I believe that my christian upbringing has alot to do with this, it just took me growing up to realize this.

I do not want a divorce, I really don't believe in "throwing in the towel" but I also don't believe the he should have to give up something that he enjoys. So where does that leave us?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

It's enormously difficult to get the genie back in the bottle once you start opening up your relationship to outside people.

The irony is that if you divorce, if you want to have sex again it will be with other men anyway. The post divorce sexual marketplace can be kinda harsh and hooking up is fairly prominent.

Perhaps you would end up sleeping with fewer men and on fewer occassions if you stay married and did it occassionally, rather than actually divorce. I'm not calling you a **** here, just the sexual marketplace is pretty jaded out there. Seems like a lot of pump and dumps out there happen. What's your sexual expectation for yourself post-divorce if you go that way?

I am acutely aware that this is very odd advice and steeped in a harsh pragmatism. I'm not sure if I were in your shoes I would be able to take it. I simply state it as an observation.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Have you seen a therapist? I benefited greatly from it. There were several things in my marriage which went against my conscience. I think as we get older we get more in touch with our inner self (& conscience). These issues were causing a lot of turmoil and anger for me. The therapist helped me to understand the conflicts within, and what role my estranged husband was playing in all of it. She basically saw my estranged husband as a "sick" person. Obviously something was driving all of his sexually deviate behavior. And I tend to agree. What normal family man throws his family away to go have risque sex?:scratchhead: I hope you find an answer without throwing yourself in internal turmoil.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Atholk said:


> It's enormously difficult to get the genie back in the bottle once you start opening up your relationship to outside people.
> 
> The irony is that if you divorce, if you want to have sex again it will be with other men anyway. The post divorce sexual marketplace can be kinda harsh and hooking up is fairly prominent.
> 
> ...


This is fear talking, don't be swayed by this warped thinking. Do you really think that you should sleep with men to pleasure your husband so you will not have to look for someone who can love you for you? Do you really think that making a choice to divorce will lead you to sleeping with a bunch of slezy men anyway. I don't know what universe this person eminates from but, this is simply not true. Your husband loves his own pleasure more than you or his family. Contrary to what you think he does notcare about you he cares about your sexual utility to him that's all. As for denying him what he wants, why worry about that, he is not concerned about holding a divorce over your head to coerce you to put your feelings aside for his pleasure. Leave this man to follow his penis until it stops working and don't look back. You will meet a decent man who cares about you as long as you care a out yourself and respect your feelings. You will attract the right person for you. This is not love, how could it be, if it were the other way around would you have it in your heart to coerce him to doing something to pleasure you with the threat of divorce? If he loved you or your children he would never leave you because you will not have sex with other men for his pleasure. If the basis for your marriage is his penis pleasure and not the care and love of 3 kids and a wife then let him go. Let try to find what he has now, he never will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

separatedmomof3 said:


> truckersgirl - Is it fair of me to ask him to give up something that he enjoys?


Is it fair of him to ask you to do something you don't enjoy? 

To me, the biggest part of marriage, or any serious relationship really, when it comes to sex, is that typically you give up having sex with others so that you can have sex with the one person you've committed to. 

Even if my boyfriend enjoyed having sex with more than one person at a time, I would absolutely expect him to give that up if he wanted to have sex with me. And I know he would have that same expectation if it were me that enjoyed having sex with more than one person at a time (and I use that to refer to all of it: threesomes, swinging, others in general). It's part of our commitment to each other, that we give up romantic and sexual relationships with others in exchange for the romantic and sexual relationship we have with each other. That romantic and sexual relationship, to me, far outweighs anything I'd get from anyone else. 

Besides, the question you ask isn't really the right question. You can *ask* anyone anything, but there's nothing that says they *have* to say yes. So, you are perfectly within your rights to ask him to give it up, and he is perfectly within his rights to refuse. If he refuses, then you decide if you want to live like that, or if you want to be with someone who will respect your wishes.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You should be glad for a divorce from this twisted way of his. Once he is out of your life you will find how happy it will make you to live the life you know you want to participate in.

He's trying to hold you hostage to his messed up way of being.

Protect yourself financially, sure, but divorce him. He is not enhancing your life or the lives of your children.


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## chingchang (Sep 21, 2010)

separatedmomof3 said:


> We have been married 22 years and have three kids together. For the majority of our early years my husband and I were very open about sex we started with the occasional threesome with both men and women and then it progressed into my husband wanting to see me with other men so I would have sex with someone videotape it and bring it home for my husband to watch (sounds crazy I know when I type this I think how did I ever do this). This only happened about three times over many years. Then he wanted me to have sex with someone not video tape it but come home and tell him about it, again this happened 3-4 times over many years. I never set any of these meetings up he always arranged them, therefore he always knew about them and encouraged them. In the last probably 5 years I have moved away from this and don't feel like this is something that I want to participate in although my husband still does. My husband has started meeting men from craigslist for the sole purpose of giving them a bj. I have not ever been involved in this activity, but it is something that he enjoys and wants me to participate in it with him.
> 
> Long story short we are now separated and he said last night that if I can no longer participate in these outside the marriage activities he wants a divorce. He said that I have changed that something I used to particpate in and I no longer want to but he does he is not willing to live without it. How do you handle this? Do I continue to do something that I don't want to just to keep my marriage going? I can't imaging not being married to him, we have been together 22 years and have three kids. I love this man more than I can even imagine.
> 
> Any help would be appreciated, I am devistated about this divorce and don't know what to do!


Ask him to talk to a sex therapist with you. You might be able to negotiate something. I don't think you'll be able to work this out without getting a third party to help talk it and work it. 

Hugs,
CC


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

separatedmomof3 said:


> malemale - The problem is I think he does appreciate me, he is not asking me to do anything I don't want to do. He knows I will not do it now and is now forced to decide if he can do without or divorce.
> 
> 
> I do not want a divorce, I really don't believe in "throwing in the towel" but I also don't believe the he should have to give up something that he enjoys. So where does that leave us?


maybe u shud just be honest for once n tell u how u feel about it, if he cant accept u after doing so much for him, try to go and have counselling... divorce only when all else fails...


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

I am more confused now than ever. I have not even thought about dating, I have been thinking more about saving my marriage than what dating will be like. I have been married 20+ years, and we were together for 6 before we married. I can't even imagine what it would be like dating at 43 and having 3 kids.

I read what Atholk said and it kind of made sense, but I would hate to do something I really don't want to do out of fear. But then again if I am going to date (not necessairly sleep with everyone) why not do it with the comfort and safety of my husband?

I am so confused, this is killing me!!!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yup, this is what I have always thought about the "Swinging Lifestyle" and all the posters that come on here and say, "Oh yes, but we are so open and well-informed and it really, really works for us because we discuss things, yadda, yadda."

It becomes a slippery moral slope and your marriage has slipped down off the cliff and in a free-fall.

It started with a little thrill and then a little bigger thrill. . .and then a bigger thrill and now. . .your husband thinks it's an "Entitlement."

Entitleistic thinking to the max - 

"I am entitled to this sexual lifestyle or I am going to divorce you."

I have an entitleistic spouse too. . .and it's very, VERY hard to change someone from Democrat to Republican.

All you can do is stick to your values and politely inform him that he is not entitled to any of that stuff in marriage.

Your husband and my stb-x are the Personification of Gen. X (I am 42) with an entitleistic mindset. I am not a Gen. X basher (because gee, I am one) but this is a problem our generation does struggle with. Boomers struggle with other generational value problems too.

To answer your question in full and a quick sound bite, I am going to tell you what my attorney told me about my stb-x (and I'll never forget it). Let me bold it for you:

*Stop feeding the bears. They only get hungrier and meaner. *

Placating him will do nothing.

Good luck.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

827Aug said:


> What normal family man throws his family away to go have risque sex?:scratchhead:


Seeking "risque sex" is well within the realm of normal male sexual behavior. The loss of family a side effect or cost likely unintended or undesired. It's a powerful drive on men.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Some of this may sound odd advice and I don't recommend it for everyone, but here goes nothing....

The difficulty is that once a sexual limit is breached with a partner, it is very unusual that it can be removed from the menu again. In SMO3's case she's done willingly threesomes and cuckold styled sessions both for her own enjoyment and that of her husband. Now that she's refusing/no longer willing to do so, he's been shorted on his expectations of what will be allowable.

If she was a more regular wife that suddenly decided that she was no longer going to do anything sexual ever again other than the missionary position with her husband, we would likely be more sympathic to a husband denied the prior experiences of oral sex, rear entry, occassional lingerie and foreplay.

The husbands anger is quite genuine at his sense of being shorted.

What I suspect you haven't realized though SMO3 is that your husbands need and interest may not so much be that you have sex with another man, but that he is submissive, gains a thrill from sexual humilation and seeks high intensity sexual experiences. Obviously having you have sex with a "hung stud" is one route to that experience, but perhaps there are others experiences available that do not cross your own sexual boundaries.

One possiblity is forcing his submission to you via acts of service and all purpose worship of your body. (Paint my toenails! Massage me!) Orgasm denial is another. He may experience a chasity device as intense and therefore exciting. (Google "CB3000". Amazon has them for $130 or so.) Likewise you could occassionally dress to kill and simply leave him at home... returning well overdue. Whether you're at the library or a dance club is up to you.

Spoof an email address as "random men" and send yourself flithy emails detailing the torrid encounters you've had. Gmail and Yahoo for the win.

He'll probably like facesitting too. He may like being spanked as well. He's looking for sexual intensity. He likely has no interest in forcing you to do anything, that's likely been enormously frustrating to him over the years. He's the one that wants to be forced. You can probably "bully" him with anything sexually and he'll lap it up.

Anyway... I may very well be way way way off with this. But it's possibly an option unthought of.

Good luck.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

separatedmomof3 said:


> I am more confused now than ever. I have not even thought about dating, I have been thinking more about saving my marriage than what dating will be like. I have been married 20+ years, and we were together for 6 before we married. I can't even imagine what it would be like dating at 43 and having 3 kids.
> 
> I read what Atholk said and it kind of made sense, but I would hate to do something I really don't want to do out of fear. But then again if I am going to date (not necessairly sleep with everyone) why not do it with the comfort and safety of my husband?
> 
> I am so confused, this is killing me!!!


What are you confused about? You can't imagine dating but you can imagine sleeping with men your husband picks up for you so he can watch even though you don't want to do it? And you consider it a comfort to do this to avoid dating! 

With dating you can pick who and when and if you want to have sex. In the comfort of your husbands love you have sex so he gets pleasure and does not divorce you. You do it when he wants, what he wants - you become his sex slave. 

This may be your future - after servicing several men for the hubby's delight, the fog will lift and you will realize that no man is worth the toll. You may also begin to think of your kids, if you have daughter's you may think if you want her to be trapped with a man like your husband? How long before these escapades effect the kids? 

You can leave now or get beat up a little more and then leave. If you leave sooner you leave with your self respect and dignity and on your terms. Leave in 2 years and have regrets that you engaged in useless sexual activities for a person who cares for his penis above all else. You risk your mental and physical health, your children's wellbeing for a one man's penis? Now I'm confused. 

Your husband is thinking of his penis, what are you thinking of? One penis does not need so many people to service it. What happened to the 3 kids that you brought into the world who is thinking of them? Their father certainly is not, will their mother abandon them too? 

I can never understand how women can bring children into the world and let their lives be destroyed over a father who is not a man but a self-obsorbed boy. How can you be confused, his priority is his pleasure what is your priority? If he is the most important person in this family then let him treat you like a *****, and your children's lives like trash. If your lovely children are where they should be in your hierarchy, then you will not be confused. They're innocent and they are the only ones with entitlements - a safe clean environment with a mother who loves them unconditionally and is healthy and happy. 

I hope you can see this - he is no longer important, he ceased to be so when he abandoned you and your children. Let him move on - don't let fear and confusion stop you. 

The people who are encouraging you to stay in this thing with your husband, live in dark places with their fears, their priorities are their pleasures, just like your husband. They are trapped in a never ending frantic pursuit of more intense stimulation, when on pleasure loses its appeal they search for bigger and better. The fear comes from knowing the decay they bring to their lives. These people are on the look out for others to join them in their misery. That's not you, you are not caught on that spiral down, not yet. 

If you know your Bible consider this - fear not (Isaiah 41:1-13). Just think on that. My sincerest wishes for good things for you, your children and your husband.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Well, I beg to differ. I think the average man had rather come home to a loving wife and family than have risque sex. Current societal trends would have us to believe otherwise. Those of us who choose to live a monogamous life are not in the minority. Therefore, I really don't think the question posed in this thread is that hard. And separatedmomof3's husband has already made his choice. He CHOSE a risque sex life over a loving wife and family. He made his priority known! Now either separatedmomof3 go along with HIS choice or they see a therapist that deals with sexual counseling (and try to find a workable solution).

Just for the record being single isn't that bad. It's definitely better than going against one's moral convictions.


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

Quote from Catherine: (Sorry I don't know how to attach it)

Your husband is thinking of his penis, what are you thinking of? One penis does not need so many people to service it. What happened to the 3 kids that you brought into the world who is thinking of them? Their father certainly is not, will their mother abandon them too? 

I believe I am looking out for the best interest of my children and I would never abandon them nor would my husband. If we chose to divorce we would both see our children on a 50/50 basis. If we do choose to divorce however I will lose everything, my job (since we own our own business and work together) my house (I can not afford a 5,000) square foot house on the income I would get at a job, the love of my life, my family, my security. I would lose everything. If I stay, then I do something I really don't want to do 1-2 times a year, that is 2 out of 365 days and my family will stay in tact. That is why I am so confused. I would lose everything for doing something twice (or so) in one year. Is it worth it or do I just suck it up and do it:scratchhead:


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

I think you should be happy to be rid of this man. He sounds very shallow - sounds like a childish reason to divorce you. Like they say on Jerry Springer.. dump that zero and get yo'self a hero, girl!


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## CaliRN (Jan 2, 2010)

i hope u get tested regularly for STD's


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Once again, as Park Ranger, I warn you:

Don't feed the bears. Even 2x/year.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Consult with a lawyer about both child support and spousal support and be prepared to move out of that huge house.

Better to live in a trailer with your kids in normality that to degrade yourself as a method to hang onto a house, to placate your sick husband.

Once you are free of him and his outrageous demands you will heal and get to move on.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

separatedmomof3 said:


> Quote from Catherine: (Sorry I don't know how to attach it)
> If I stay, then I do something I really don't want to do 1-2 times a year, that is 2 out of 365 days and my family will stay in tact. That is why I am so confused. I would lose everything for doing something twice (or so) in one year. Is it worth it or do I just suck it up and do it:scratchhead:


I asked a legitimate question, I asked you what are you worth and I asked how many people have to serve his penis. You are servicing him, you are emotionally effected. Your children are not inured to your emotional state and by extension are serving his penis as well. Not only that, if your husband thinks of you as an object your children see it and are affected by it. They are too young perhaps to know the reason you are treated like an object but they see it. 

It is impossible for your husband to be able to continence forcing you to do something you don't want and when he knows that you will get no pleasure out of it and not treat you as an object in other areas of your relationship. He does not love you, and it shows in other areas of the relationship. 

He considers you and his kids expendable and will probably get rid of you and them when he finds a more willing sex object, someone younger more exciting. Right now it would cost him too much to rid himself of you. Sounds harsh but you need to hear it. If it suits you to justify being a throw away for financial reasons then go ahead. 

But get ready in the next few years for him to leave on his terms. You will be alone at about age 50 after serving him for years as confused as you are now. He will have the benefit of a more nubile partner to serve him and will not give you a second thought. You say he loves you and your children, you are in deep denial, you are just a means to an end. 

If you don't want to do it then don't and let him divorce you and you get 1/2 of everything. How can you not be aware of the fact that it will coast him to divorce you? That's why he has not done it yet and is trying to save himself money by counting on a wife who does not recognize her own value. I feel very bad for you and I wish you well.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

separatedmomof3 said:


> Quote from Catherine: (Sorry I don't know how to attach it)
> 
> I really don't want to do 1-2 times a year, that is 2 out of 365 days and my family will stay in tact. That is why I am so confused. I would lose everything for doing something twice (or so) in one year. Is it worth it or do I just suck it up and do it:scratchhead:


If he is the love of your life why can't he make the sacrifice since it causes you distress and breaks up the family? After all, it's only 2 days out of 365 that he would have to give up pleasure. Why does the love of your life feel that you and your children should make the sacrifice for 2 days of pleasure for him. Is he the most important one in the family? He is so wonderful that he deserves to be serviced at all cost. No one else but you thinks so, he will never be able to replace you or your family. 

He is playing this brinkmanship because he thinks there are women waiting to fall on him and service him because he is so attractive. Let him get out there, a middle aged man with money and a desperate appetite, and try to find a woman who is willing to love him and be used by him. He may find such a woman but for a steep price and no love. It will be temporary, he'll get old and tired too much trouble for a girl looking for money and sexual adventures. 

He will get exactly what he gives, nothing. He will be the one used for his money, I am sure that is his only attraction. Make sure your divorce settlement is a good lump sum payout. 

He is not the love of your life he is a nightmare and you are living in a fantasy of your own making. I hope you wake up before you get used and discarded and then have to face reality.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I wanted to add too - as far as having kids and worried about being on the market. . .yes, that is a downside but not as much as you think, especially in America.

American men don't have as many issues with that as do other cultures.

In fact, I have to say, as a guy with 3 kids, I worry that women have more issues dating a guy with kids than I have issues dating a women with kids. In fact, I am kind of looking to date a woman with children because only she can really understand that but women are understandably skiddish about having non-fathers around their kids.

No doubt. . .don't want to sugarcoat this and say this is a slamdunk decision as some here are making it out to be. A decision where a marriage rides on it never is.

But this philosophy of placation is often a failed one. 

A good parallel is America and the Middle East. We could keep placating Iraq and deferring to them and to the UN but there comes a point where it doesn't work. Iraq and your husband are going to do what they want and get what they want at all cost. 

The philosophy of placation is failed with people and countries like that. It's predicated on the assumption that giving them what they want makes them happy. It doesn't.

I understand though - you are just trying to be a good spouse and give your husband an interesting and fulfilling sex life. But a marital sex life is supposed to be monogamous (despite the swingers here differing). If he doesn't want to be married, then he doesn't want to be married. I can't fix that and neither can you.

And you may be surprised at yourself.

I know the main reason I am divorcing my wife is lost intimacy (physical and emotional) and rejection. After having a 10 month on and off again relationship with a wonderful woman, I have decided that I am content to be alone.

Not that I won't shoot for a fling or a roll in the hay or booty call now and then, but I don't need as much emotional intimacy as I thought I did. Maybe it's just because my emotions are shot right now as I am sure yours are as well.

I am only sharing this personal stuff because I know life outside a dysfunctional marriage is hard to fathom sometimes and I do flipflop sometimes in the throes of divorce - maybe I should have done an Open Marriage like a lot of people here.

Near the end now, I am choosing to be happy with the path I chose - divorce.

Good luck. 

And don't feed the bears!!!! They only get hungrier. I call "BS!" that he would only be satisfied with it 2x/year.

And michzz is right - you don't need a big house. Simplify.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

separatedmomof3 said:


> I believe I am looking out for the best interest of my children and I would never abandon them nor would my husband. If we chose to divorce we would both see our children on a 50/50 basis. If we do choose to divorce however I will lose everything, my job (since we own our own business and work together) my house (I can not afford a 5,000) square foot house on the income I would get at a job, the love of my life, my family, my security. I would lose everything. If I stay, then I do something I really don't want to do 1-2 times a year, that is 2 out of 365 days and my family will stay in tact. That is why I am so confused. I would lose everything for doing something twice (or so) in one year. Is it worth it or do I just suck it up and do it:scratchhead:


Don't base your happiness on all of this. There are no guarantees this will last forever. I had all of that at one point. Unfortunately I lost all of that because my husband's habits got out of control. He only lived to party. And people in the community learned of his behavior. They took their business elsewhere. Some of these customers even had the nerve to tell me they wouldn't be doing any business with the "pervert". Yeah, I've lost almost everything, but in many ways life is so more peaceful now.

Check with an attorney. You may still be well off financially after a divorce. After all, you have a long-term marriage. In many states this insures a better settlement. Don't make decisions based on fear of what you may lose. Look at what you may gain when weighing your options.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well she "fed the bears" for the first 17 years of her marriage. So the expectation is well and truely set in her husband.

I'm not saying she has to have sex with other men, but there could be accomdations made with purposeful steps towards creating sexual intensity.


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