# Marrying an American woman, realistic?



## fläck (Mar 16, 2014)

I come from a european country but my highest wish is to live in America. The easiest way to get a greencard is by marriage so I have been thinking about the idea of going there on a trip in the hopes of finding a woman that I like that I can eventually marry.

I'm not talking about marrying only for the greencard in some sort of scam marriage. I want a real marriage... Its just that I want it with an american woman.

My plan would be to try and meet women online who I could then meet up in person when I go there on a roadtrip. And if I would find someone who I like and who likes me, then I'd try and start a long distance relationship where I would occasionally travel to america and visit her and eventually bring up talks of marriage.

How realistic is this? Would most american women be sceptical of marrying a foreign man in a scenario like this?


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

If the European country is the UK or Ireland, you will have to fight them off with a pointy stick.

If you are from elsewhere in Western Europe, you will have a good chance.

If you are from Eastern Europe, it would be better to be good looking, rich and charming.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Do you have a hobby or other way to connect in an neutral setting?


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Getting a green card on a woman's coat strings is rather undignified. You might have a hard time gaining the respect of your sponsor/wife. 

Get one the old fashioned way, work for it. Qualify in a field that will increase your chances of being granted permanent residency and citizenship or depend on the lottery to gain admittance. 

Then marry whoever suits you, without reference to her willingness to take on a dependent.


----------



## fläck (Mar 16, 2014)

Catherine602 said:


> Getting a green card on a woman's coat strings is rather undignified. You might have a hard time gaining the respect of your sponsor/wife.
> 
> Get one the old fashioned way, work for it. Qualify in a field that will increase your chances of being granted permanent residency and citizenship or depend on the lottery to gain admittance.
> 
> Then marry whoever suits you, without reference to her willingness to take on a dependent.


Do you think it's undignified because my intent is to move there? Or would you also think it's undignified if a guy who had never thought about moving to america happened to meet an american woman by chance and eventually married her and moved there?

I wouldn't have to depend on her to take care of me if I met an american woman. I am in a blue collar field but I know from what I have read that this field has a worker shortage in america, so I don't think I would have any problem finding work.


----------



## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

I don't see any problem with your goals. My wife is from Turkey. 

A few things you should know is honest real american life in not any different than the rest of the world. In fact in many aspects we are way behind the average now.

Next getting a green card is a very time consuming and rather expensive process that is loaded with long time frames of absolutely nothing appearing to be happening followed by a rush of redoing bureaucratic paperwork over and over which is very frustrating. 
Don't be surprised that in the end it could take you 2 - 3 years and over $10 - 15,000 in US currency to get everything done. Not all the money is paperwork related but the jumping through hopes, plus travel, plus waiting financially adds up to a large secondary cost.

After that you will have a green card and social security number that will get you a job but getting any level of loan or financial help from a bank will be tough. As a foreigner you are seen as someone with a 0 credit rating and high risk.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Where are you from? 
What's your health like? (You'll need health care, and to pay for the basic insurance.) 
What's your education and work experience? 
Do you have any kind of criminal record? 
How's your English? 
Assets and savings?
Family that will want to also move, or will need to be visited?
Intend to start a family, or just a relationship?
There's all these extra questions that overlap and add to the usual questions when dating. 
Why America?
Why not, say Canada?
Also, why go the venue of a personal relationship, why not apply for jobs while you're here, and get sponsored that way?

I've thought along the same lines with other countries.
Iceland is so nice. lol.
But marriage isn't for me. So will go the route of university studies or work sponsorship, if and when I really feel the need to pick up and move, either long or short term.


----------



## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

It is more realistic for you to find an American naturalized citizen that is from your country of origin. From my husband's circle of friends, American women do not want to marry a man from another country if he is not successful or special. 

P/S: If I was single, I would be Ok to marry a man from another country if he is willing to enter a real marriage and wants the green card. I hate fraud marriage for green card. You cannot choose you where you're born, but you can choose where you want to you live. If you truly love America and want to come here to work hard and contribute to this country, I do not see anything wrong with it. It is still better than some American that are drug addicts, lazy, etc.
Good luck to you.


----------



## fläck (Mar 16, 2014)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Where are you from?
> What's your health like? (You'll need health care, and to pay for the basic insurance.)
> What's your education and work experience?
> Do you have any kind of criminal record?
> ...



I don't think I would qualify for a sponsorship based work visa. I work as a truck driver, which is not considered a skilled profession.

I have read that foreign truck drivers are able to get temporary 1-year work visas in America, but only people from certain countrys are eligible for that visa. And I'm not from any of those listed countrys.


----------



## fläck (Mar 16, 2014)

kitty2013 said:


> It is more realistic for you to find an American naturalized citizen that is from your country of origin. From my husband's circle of friends, American women do not want to marry a man from another country if he is not successful or special.
> 
> P/S: If I was single, I would be Ok to marry a man from another country if he is willing to enter a real marriage and wants the green card. I hate fraud marriage for green card. You cannot choose you where you're born, but you can choose where you want to you live. If you truly love America and want to come here to work hard and contribute to this country, I do not see anything wrong with it. It is still better than some American that are drug addicts, lazy, etc.
> Good luck to you.


It is a real marriage that I want. I wouldn't marry a woman who I didn't like just so I could get a greencard.


----------



## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

fläck said:


> Do you think it's undignified because my intent is to move there? Or would you also think it's undignified if a guy who had never thought about moving to america happened to meet an american woman by chance and eventually married her and moved there?
> 
> I wouldn't have to depend on her to take care of me if I met an american woman. I am in a blue collar field but I know from what I have read that this field has a worker shortage in america, so I don't think I would have any problem finding work.


She would always question your motives for marrying HER. Are you marrying her...or are you marrying the Statue of Liberty, but she's the next best thing.

Some women can make that trade off. A friend of mine was from Norway and did exactly what you want to do. They even had two kids together.

And he cheated on her when he ran into some hot women because their marriage wasn't very strong as a result of it's antecedents.

They got divorced and he rarely sees his kids.

It is possible. I am hesitant to recommend that course however.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Why the hell would you want to marry an American woman?

My suggestion? Don't. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

You know, I hate saying this, but I feel like it needs to be said. 

There are several sites setting up American men with foreign women. Asian, Russian, eastern European. Some are scams, others are legitimate. But most are probably scams, and a few are likely women just looking for green cards. 

I haven't heard of (or really seen any) website that sets up American women with getting a foreign husband. 

And by the way, what do you do for a living? 
Because if you can earn a good living, like you have a good degree or skill or something, you may want to look up the divorce laws.


----------



## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Why do you want to live in the US? That would be my first question.

If you want to marry an american citizen to get the green card, the next step, after a few years, will be to become an american citizen. Are you ready to bear arms to defend this country?

Please keep in mind, it is great to be rich in the US. It is not so good to be poor. If for whatever reason you become disable, the safety net is not there. Do not get me wrong, the US is a great country, but it can be much harder than Europe.

I am, myself, from Europe. I came in this country under a L1B visa to help start a plant. I was suppose to stay 3 years but I met my wife and 20 years later I am still here. I have a wonderful life but it certainly has more risk than my western Europeans friends. I have a daughter going to college now. She has excellent grades and I do not have to pay much but normally it would cost me $10,000 per year, just for tuition (for a state school). In Europe my friends do not pay anything. I can also talk about health care, retirement, etc.. It is very different.

Marrying a woman from any country is not a problem. The real question, are you ready to contribute to the US economy. Is coming to the US realistic?


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Be careful, because her family and friends will sniff out the fact that you want a green card and give her a hard time. Plus they won't be able to stand you because they'll be convinced you're using her......it's a lot to work against.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## fläck (Mar 16, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Be careful, because her family and friends will sniff out the fact that you want a green card and give her a hard time. Plus they won't be able to stand you because they'll be convinced you're using her......it's a lot to work against.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But I wouldn't *just* be using her for a greencard. Like I said, I want a real marriage... not a scam one. It would be like any other marriage.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Depending on where you are from, the American woman may want to move to your country. So you will have to find an American woman who is open to new cultures but wants to stay put in the US.


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

He did not say he was after a greencard. It seems he just has a thing for American women and if he speaks with an Irish or British accent it will be neutral.

Considering how many men on here complain about their American wives, it is rather nice that this chap should be after one.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Mr The Other said:


> He did not say he was after a greencard. It seems he just has a thing for American women and if he speaks with an Irish or British accent it will be neutral.
> 
> Considering how many men on here complain about their American wives, it is rather nice that this chap should be after one.


Funny, you should say that. My exH is English. and his second wife is American, too (like me).


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I said her family will be convinced of it and it will be difficult to change their minds. Besides, I don't know how you can claim you want a real marriage until you meet someone and spend a lot of time getting to know them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## fläck (Mar 16, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> I said her family will be convinced of it and it will be difficult to change their minds. Besides, I don't know how you can claim you want a real marriage until you meet someone and spend a lot of time getting to know them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So every time an american marries a non-american the parents would be sceptical and think the foreigner is using him/her for a greencard?


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

fläck said:


> So every time an american marries a non-american the parents would be sceptical and think the foreigner is using him/her for a greencard?


My Mother is like that. My ex(English) husband never had any desire to live in the US. And yet my mother would try to bait him with questions about living in the US.

these days, I keep my fiance far away from my mother.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

fläck said:


> So every time an american marries a non-american the parents would be sceptical and think the foreigner is using him/her for a greencard?



Less likely to be trouble in the family if there's an established relationship. What you're talking about is looking for an American woman because you want a green card, with a real marriage thrown in as cake icing. You can certainly look for American women and see if there's one you connect with; that might go over better. If you simply find one that you don't get to know well before marrying her it will be received differently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

To be fair, he has several times that he is not just after a green card.

He might just have a thing for American women.


----------



## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

For the record my foreign wife gets along with my family very well!:smthumbup:
(But then I have suspicions half of them are off their meds as well.) 

Personally after having dated enough american women I thought going with a foreign one would improve things being I thought that if she came from a 3rd world country she would appreciate what we have here in the US. 

Unfortunately she Americanized extremely fast and is now as whiney, fussy, spoiled, unapreciative, and demanding as any natural born American woman.


----------



## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

I'm not sure how long your holiday here in America, would be, but if it's like most holidays (1-2 weeks), I think it's unrealistic to expect you can find, woo, and marry a woman (American or not!) in that short of a time frame, especially if you're looking for this to a REAL marriage. 

I wonder how much of your marriage will have an unhealthy power dynamic? She cannot be sure you married her for more than a green card, and you will worry if she will up and divorce you, leaving you without a green card. I'm not saying that WILL happen, but it's something to think about. If you end up choosing the wrong woman in that short time frame, and end up miserable b/c your wife holds your immigration status over your head, to her advantage. 

I think it would be easier if you got a green card on your own, then went looking for your lady love.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think you owe it to yourself to try, if you feel that's the path you need to walk on. Don't worry what anyone says. Just try and see if it works out. If it doesn't, at least you won't die telling yourself you were an idiot not to try to live your life the way you wanted to.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

fläck said:


> Do you think it's undignified because my intent is to move there? Or would you also think it's undignified if a guy who had never thought about moving to america happened to meet an american woman by chance and eventually married her and moved there?
> 
> I wouldn't have to depend on her to take care of me if I met an american woman. I am in a blue collar field but I know from what I have read that this field has a worker shortage in america, so I don't think I would have any problem finding work.


If you D before the waiting period or she separates and you can't live independently, you will be forced to go back home. By its very nature, you will be dependent on her. 

Plan another way to gain entrance. Go to school and qualify for entry into professional training in a field that the US needs manpower. Then apply for citizenship based on your ability to contribute in an area of need. 

It is difficult but it's done all of the time.


----------



## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

married tech said:


> For the record my foreign wife gets along with my family very well!:smthumbup:
> (But then I have suspicions half of them are off their meds as well.)
> 
> Personally after having dated enough american women I thought going with a foreign one would improve things being I thought that if she came from a 3rd world country she would appreciate what we have here in the US.
> ...


Living in another country is very lonely. I am glad your wife is getting along well with your family. 
I am lucky. I met many nice natural born American women. They are truly wonderful.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

fläck said:


> So every time an american marries a non-american the parents would be sceptical and think the foreigner is using him/her for a greencard?



Pretty much :lol:

I'm a European that came here three decades ago for college and the express purpose of marrying an Asian woman. I did, and for 25 years it was fun but the last few... Let's just say that in my next reincarnation I would rather marry locally...

I had no problems getting a green card thru work - they even paid for the whole thing. But it really depends on what you're looking for in an American woman, and why. Start from there and maybe you'll find there are a lot of things that need to be in place for this to work.

I agree that the best way is to meet up with a 2nd generation Whatever-American in your country, friend of a niece's second cousin, et. al. Also to look into a month or two trip in the USA to see if you like it. 

Some people don't handle the USA very well, others have no problem adjusting. Work permits could be a big issue, ie would your commercial driver license be useful here or you need a new one, etc.

Look at ethnic dating sites if you're from a country that has a sizable presence here esp. in certain cities. If you're from Andorra or Lichtenstein or Malta, well... One of my buddies is 2nd generation Maltese  so there is hope for that.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

married tech said:


> Unfortunately she Americanized extremely fast and is now as whiney, fussy, spoiled, unapreciative, and demanding as any natural born American woman.



A Turkish friend married an American lady and she Turkified faster than anything. Learned to cook the good stuff and cook it well, the language, the culture. After 20 years here they went back for a few years, then back to the USA. Nicest person ever. And she loved Turkey but they came back for his daughter to go to college. 

You never know


----------



## CH (May 18, 2010)

This is part of your obligation when you sponsor someone for a Greencard.

Your income and assets may be considered ("deemed") to be available to the intending immigrant, in determining whether he or she is eligible for certain Federal means-tests public benefits and also for State or local means-tested public benefits, if the State or local government's rules provide for consideration ("deeming") of your income and assets as available to that person. In other words, the submission of this form may make the sponsored immigrant ineligible for those benefits.

If you do not provide sufficient support to the person who becomes a permanent resident based on the Form I-864 that you signed, that person may sue you for this support.

If the immigrant receives any "means-tested public benefits," you are responsible for repaying the cost of those benefits to the agency that provided them. If you do not repay the debt, the agency can sue you in court to get the money owed. When in doubt, ask the benefit provider whether the benefit is a "means-tested public benefit."

If you are sued, and the court enters a judgment against you, the person or agency that sued you may use any legally permitted procedures for enforcing or collecting the judgement. You may also be required to pay the costs of collection, including attorney fees. 

Now, why in the world would anyone want to sponsor someone to get them a green card.....My brother did it and when he was signing the paper work the 1st thought that came in my head was..

WTF did you just do little brother. That's like playing Russian roulette with the 50+% divorce rate in the US. His wife is from China, no it's not a mail order bride but it was a semi arranged meet to see if they wanted to get married....Dumb idiot but it's his life not mine.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

CH said:


> This is part of your obligation when you sponsor someone for a Greencard.
> 
> *Your income and assets may be considered ("deemed") to be available to the intending immigrant,* in determining whether he or she is eligible for certain Federal means-tests public benefits and also for State or local means-tested public benefits, if the State or local government's rules provide for consideration ("deeming") of your income and assets as available to that person. In other words, the submission of this form may make the sponsored immigrant ineligible for those benefits.
> 
> ...


In Wendy D eng's case, it also meant the sponsor make her husband available to her as well.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Your words betray you. 



fläck said:


> I come from a european country but *my highest wish is to live in America. The easiest way to get a greencard is by marriage* *so I have been thinking about the idea of going there on a trip in the hopes of finding a woman that I like that I can eventually marry.*
> 
> *I'm not talking about marrying only for the greencard *in some sort of scam marriage. I want a real marriage... Its just that I want it with an american woman.
> 
> ...


The smart ones will. Because you said yourself the easiest way to get the greencard is through marriage, so it's clearly the main goal for you. I mean, there's nothing wrong with wanting what you want but just be transparent about it. Be sure you tell these ladies what it is you truly want: the greencard.

Oh and I married a European so yes, it does happen, but in your case, it seems like you just want residency/citizenship...


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Getting a green card on a woman's coat strings is rather undignified.


:iagree:



JCD said:


> She would always question your motives for marrying HER. Are you marrying her...or are you marrying the Statue of Liberty, but she's the next best thing.


:iagree:


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Give the man a break.

OP, I married an American woman and the way things are going, she will be available soon. Very nice and kind, does not want kids and is unrealistic career wise, but in most other ways a catch.

Perhaps I can set you two up?


----------



## Welsh TXN (Feb 4, 2012)

All, 

I married an American woman not for the green card but i truly loved her and went through the process of the immigration it sucks, and yes you do have the family always questioning that you married their little princess for a green card.

When i was no longer flavor of the month when her POSOM came along and the divorce proceedings started I was threatened with I'm going to call immigration on you. 

I remained calm and let my immigration lawyer know the minute i had proof of the affair, and that i had changed addresses and that a divorce was going ahead she told me that if a immigration officer asks we go in-together and sit down with the immigration official. 

my immigration lawyer then spoke to my divorce attorney and they both told me you do not contact her unless we tell you to which i took to heart. 

Because my permanent residence had not come through and i was still in the two year conditional phase, i made sure my lawyers divorce and immigration knew everything and had copies of everything. 
MY permeant residency was granted a week after my ex wife filled the divorce petition. 

but the stress and the anguish that someone can cause you saying well if you don't act like i want you too I'm gonna get you deported is amazing. Also my crazy ex MIL said to me well you have got what you wanted wealth, a career, and a green card. I was amazed when she was the one in the family that really welcomed me in with open arms when we started dating, but soon as i exposed the affair everything changed.

So OP please think long and hard about why you want marriage is it for the green card or because of your love for your wife (being american)


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I have been married to a European for 20 years. He is a great guy. He was sponsored by his company, and nobody close to us has ever mentioned anything about any ulterior motive. Mostly people mention, even now, what a great guy he is.

I am not sure my motives were as pure as his. I thought he would be a good husband, father, and provider, and I was charmed by his accent.

Dh is just a great guy, totally committed to me. He really has upped his country's reputation among the people we know.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

So the guys who marry my daughters get two for one, both USA and EU citizenship (residence permit, EU citizenship by marriage is quite a nasty process)

No need to worry about dowry :lol:


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

john117 said:


> So the guys who marry my daughters get two for one, both USA and EU citizenship (residence permit, EU citizenship by marriage is quite a nasty process)
> 
> No need to worry about dowry :lol:


Their education is their dowry.


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

jld said:


> ..... He really has upped his country's reputation among the people we know.


Go on! Tell us which country!


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

jld said:


> Their education is their dowry.



Not by Frigidistan standards :rofl:

I was all set to apply for Frigidistan citizenship but they require me to convert to Islam. 

I'll sit on it for a while.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Mr The Other said:


> Go on! Tell us which country!


Lol, France. He is not a womanizer; he is actually pretty saintly.

And during the Iraq War, no one said a word to him about France, esp. at work. I think people respected him personally too much.


----------



## fläck (Mar 16, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Your words betray you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I want a greencard and live in America, yes.

But I ALSO want to find a good woman and have an actual marriage based on real love.

I don't know how to put it any clearer than that?

I'm not talking about marrying a woman who I have no feelings for just so I can get a greencard.


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

jld said:


> Lol, France. He is not a womanizer; he is actually pretty saintly.
> 
> And during the Iraq War, no one said a word to him about France, esp. at work. I think people respected him personally too much.


I was pretty shocked by how unpopular France is in the USA and I say this as an Englishman.

Anyway, I am glad for both of you!


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Mr The Other said:


> I was pretty shocked by how unpopular France is in the USA and I say this as an Englishman.


I've noticed quite a dichotomy though. It is not a dislike of French people individually, it is a dislike of a bunch of them together. 

I work for a French owned company. I won't classify that as good or bad, just different. They do some things that are highly annoying, but at the same time they weren't broken by American MBA schools.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I'll start liking the French when they produce some decent rock music 

Just kidding :rofl:


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

john117 said:


> I'll start liking the French when they produce some decent rock music
> 
> Just kidding :rofl:


Does it have to be rock?


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Yes, because the French have done well in other genres


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

john117 said:


> Yes, because the French have done well in other genres


Ah, okay.


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> I've noticed quite a dichotomy though. It is not a dislike of French people individually, it is a dislike of a bunch of them together.
> 
> I work for a French owned company. I won't classify that as good or bad, just different. They do some things that are highly annoying, but at the same time they weren't broken by American MBA schools.


My impression, having been in a few French working environments, is that the main difference is not that the French are more arrogant. However, arrogance is admired in the French environment and despised in UK one. So, in the UK environment, people hide it where as in the French environment it can be used to make up for incompetence.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

So far I've only run into one arrogant incompetent Frenchman. 

It is a bit of a weird environment here. Several of the largest US acquisitions they made were rife with incontinence. For every incompetent Frenchman I deal with, I deal with 10 incompetent Yanks. 

I never thought about the humbleness of the English I deal with, but now that you mention it, I realize it's strongly there.


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> So far I've only run into one arrogant incompetent Frenchman.
> 
> It is a bit of a weird environment here. Several of the largest US acquisitions they made were rife with incontinence. For every incompetent Frenchman I deal with, I deal with 10 incompetent Yanks.
> 
> I never thought about the humbleness of the English I deal with, but now that you mention it, I realize it's strongly there.


As an Englishman, I think it is more how etiquette differs in France and the UK. Acting as though you are better is far more acceptable in one country than another.

I had an experience in a PhD lad (with a huge sample of one of each nationality) of and a very clever Englishman and a very clever Frenchman not getting on at all. The crux of the matter us the Englishman downplayed his intellect (which the Frenchman found dishonest and an insult to intellect), whereas the the Frenchman made great play if his intellect (which the Englishman found obnoxious and vain).

And clearly, I am happy to use a sample size of one from each to draw huge generalisations.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

jld said:


> Their education is their dowry.


My father talked like that. But we at least did get through debt free.


----------



## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

American woman?!!!

Everyone knows Canadian women are the best! 

Come to Canada! Lots of space up here!


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

alphaomega said:


> American woman?!!!
> 
> Everyone knows Canadian women are the best!
> 
> Come to Canada! Lots of space up here!


Not not a Canadian to get anxious about being compared to the USA.


----------



## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Mr The Other said:


> Not not a Canadian to get anxious about being compared to the USA.


Haha! Come on! We don't get anxious, particularly about being compared to the US. We friends with everyone!

What other country do you get to sing the national anthem and salute a bright red vegetative appendage! It's all good!

The only thing we probably get anxious about is having crack smoking mayors that embarrass us with their stupidity and for some unknown legal reason we can't boot them out of office...


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

alphaomega said:


> Haha! Come on! We don't get anxious, particularly about being compared to the US. We friends with everyone!
> 
> What other country do you get to sing the national anthem and salute a bright red vegetative appendage! It's all good!
> 
> The only thing we probably get anxious about is having crack smoking mayors that embarrass us with their stupidity and for some unknown legal reason we can't boot them out of office...


Fair enough, but I saw a cheap shot and had to take it!


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Mr The Other said:


> My impression, having been in a few French working environments, is that the main difference is not that the French are more arrogant. However, arrogance is admired in the French environment and despised in UK one. So, in the UK environment, people hide it where as in the French environment it can be used to make up for incompetence.


Hmm . . . going to ask dh about this. He worked for a French company for 22 1/2 years. The last head of manufacturing was hiring only people from his university. 

And dh is definitely _not_ arrogant. Though a friend recently told me he is very sure of himself . . . I have to say, French people may not suffer from self-confidence problems.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Self confidence is fine so long as it remains in line with someone's capabilities. 

When somebody is incompetent, yet still loaded with self confidence, they make everybody's job harder. Basically you can't trust somebody like that, because you never know what they will screw up next. 

There is a German word for the feelings of dealing with people like that: fremdshämen. It means the shame you feel for others when they don't have shame that they should.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Back on topic.....

I've known two cases of men marrying American women that might parallel this. What's different from your case is that they went to US colleges and met and married American women. They _might_ have qualified for a work visa and eventually gotten citizenship if they had stayed in school and gotten advanced degrees. (Getting a green card for a technical degree requires a master's or higher.) 

I don't think either case represented them "using" the woman since they are WAY past the 7 year mark. They've had kids, and both are married 20+ years later. 

I my limited experience, I've seen it's foreign women that are "using" the men for citizenship. I know several guys that had their foreign wife become a WAW right at the 7 year mark.


----------



## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Mr The Other said:


> I was pretty shocked by how unpopular France is in the USA and I say this as an Englishman.


Let me chime in as a Frenchman. I am so sad that French businesses are so unpopular in the US. But I must admit it is unfortunately quite well deserved. 

I worked for a French company for many years. They have lost business (in the US), just because of their attitude. I am now working for different company (not French) and it is so much healthier.

Actually working with a few French with a lot of other nationalities or mainly Americans around is really fun and they bring a lot to the team. Working for a bunch of French bosses is really unhealthy.

There is a really unhealthy dynamic in the French education and business system. It is very elitist. Your promotion has less to do with your results than the school you come from. 

I had a French colleague who came to my US plant. He was a machine operator in France. He came to help in a technology transfer. He was really good. He brought so much results in such a short time that the American management of this French owned plant promoted him to shop supervisor within 6 months. When he returned to France after his assignment, he lasted 6 months there, they could not take him back as a shop supervisor because he had only a high school degree. They put him instead in technical data management job. He found a job with an American company in France and he is now a plant manager.

The real issue is that the higher education system is totally frozen. For example, Hollande, the current President, the mother of his children (former candidate for President), and Dominique De Villepin, foreign minister during the buildup to the Iraq War, not only graduated from the same school, but the same year.

A lot of businesses have guys on top from the same schools. New ideas cannot come from everyone from the same place, trained to think the same way.

French engineers are really good, and you see many successful ones in Silicon Valley. But the trouble is when they band together. They all think the same way, and are not very diverse. They only accept their own ideas, and they become arrogant.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Good thing my France bound younger daughter is pursuing a medical degree . American doctors are already at the top of Mount Arrogance so it's hard to visualize a higher peak. 

Any good insights for a fellowship at Pasteur Institute?


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

This thread is awesome. OP gets bonus points for honesty.


----------



## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

john117 said:


> Any good insights for a fellowship at Pasteur Institute?


John,

I am not in the medical field. I do know that there are very good medical research centers in France and the "Institut Pasteur" is among the best.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

PreMedFrenchDaughter's college has it all figured out. Blow off a summer in Paris (next year) taking some kind of biology or neurobiology class that you could easily take at home. The French connection is the famous hospital where the French started looking at neuroscience a long time ago, some historic building now. Tourism at its best 

Not to be outdone the older girl is going to France this May but theirs is a legit design program. I saw the list of chateau's museums and the like they're visiting and it's like dude come on... Awesome stuff. 

Can't wait for Louvre selfies


----------



## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

If you have the money to support it, why not!

I love France, it is great to visit and have fun. It is just depressing to work there!


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Bhahaha!!!! QFT


----------



## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

*Re: Re: Marrying an American woman, realistic?*



john117 said:


> Yes, because the French have done well in other genres


Try Stromae, he is Belgium, but his lyrics are French. Major talent there


----------



## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

I do wonder why you would like to live in the USA so much... my partner is from there. I went to his sister's wedding and freaked out! Everyone was doing pot! The brides maids were high! I'm from The Netherlands, so we are expected to do pot (not lol), I was shocked. It might be the town we visited, Portland Oregon, but I don't want to go back eeks!


----------



## struggle (May 13, 2013)

catfan said:


> I do wonder why you would like to live in the USA so much... my partner is from there. I went to his sister's wedding and freaked out! Everyone was doing pot! The brides maids were high! I'm from The Netherlands, so we are expected to do pot (not lol), I was shocked. It might be the town we visited, Portland Oregon, but I don't want to go back eeks!


Lol......You just happened to be with that type of group. Not everyone smokes pot. Although Portland/Seattle area is pretty liberal  Potheads are everywhere in the U.S. And potheads usually magically find other potheads and they congregate.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Hi, catfan. I am married to a Frenchman, and the reason we chose America over France, as beautiful as France is, is the freedom to live as we choose here. We can homeschool without any "inspections" from the state. There is not as much group pressure in the U.S., because of all the diversity.

Like the last poster said, you probably just were in a pocket you did not fit well with.


----------

