# Deception, Lies and Sexless Marriage



## Teacher29today

Hi, I'm new to this Group. I have been struggling with this. Can someone please give me some advice on this. 
I have been married to my spouse for about a year now and sex has been an issue for the day we got married. My husband literally deceived me up until the day we got married. I was so blind. We dated for a year and he told me that he was fine with us waiting to have sex until after we marry. So that's what we did. We had marriage counseling but it was difficult because he kept crying every time, he thought we would discuss sex. The counselor kept asking him is there anything that he need to tell me, he said not. So long story short.
So when we finally said I do, he made excuses on why we shouldn't have sex. He said it was his erectile dysfunction is the reason was he has prolonged it. Over the time I have know him before we got married I remember him ending up in the hospital off and on. And each time, I tried to come stay he would brush me off and tell me to not stay and that he was fine. 
So during the first year of our marriage he got sick and I went to the ER with him. Two doctors came in and the first thing that came out of the doctors mouth " have you been taking your HIV meds" 😱😱😱 My soul left my body. My husband jumped up and ran to the bathroom because he said he had to vomit because he knew his secret was now revealed to me. I got up instantly and left him at the ER. (In the past I asked him numerous time is there something that you need to tell me about your health do you have cancer or something. Every he responded, no I'm fine, I healthy. But I still couldn't realize why he wouldn't want sex.) I'm kind of disgusted with my own husband because he lied to me. I would not have married him knowing this. I have been telling myself to go ahead and get a divorce but we bought our house before I found this out. I don't like for him to touch me. I can't take this anymore. I deserve to be free from another persons secret and have a healthy marriage. I said that I would never cheat while I was married, so the only option for me is divorce or he except me having and open relationship with someone else. 
I can't have sex not even with a condom knowing he's Hiv positive. I feel like the devil set me up for failure in this marriage.

Should I get a divorce?😕


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## happyhusband0005

Yes you should get a divorce. That is one crazy f'ed up thing to lie about. I guess on a positive note he hasn't had sex with you because he knows that would be totally and completely horrible without telling you about his status, so he has some form or morals. With proper medication and following strict protocols HIV positive people can have normal sex lives, but it is really wrong to not tell a partner about being HIV positive.


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## Diana7

He married you under false pretences and did a terrible thing by lying to you. If you havent had sex you can get an annnullment.


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## joannacroc

I apologize for my response on your other thread - I had not read this. That would be immediate grounds for divorce in my book - to lie about being diagnosed with a terminal illness to your future spouse and just fail to mention that you would never be intimate with them??? That is insane. Completely get that there is a lot of social stigma surrounding this disease but how can you build a life with someone who lied to you about something so huge?


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## manfromlamancha

so why don't you just divorce him?


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## Teacher29today

Diana7 said:


> He married you under false presences and did a terrible thing by lying to you. If you haven't had sex you can get an annulment.


Yes, so we bought the house this year. I wonder how long will it take I want this over and done with.


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## Teacher29today

joannacroc said:


> I apologize for my response on your other thread - I had not read this. That would be immediate grounds for divorce in my book - to lie about being diagnosed with a terminal illness to your future spouse and just fail to mention that you would never be intimate with them??? That is insane. Completely get that there is a lot of social stigma surrounding this disease but how can you build a life with someone who lied to you about something so huge?
> [/QU
> I feel like my relationship with God is being affected by him. Deep down inside I think my husband is evil.


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## Teacher29today

happyhusband0005 said:


> Yes you should get a divorce. That is one crazy f'ed up thing to lie about. I guess on a positive note he hasn't had sex with you because he knows that would be totally and completely horrible without telling you about his status, so he has some form or morals. With proper medication and following strict protocols HIV positive people can have normal sex lives, but it is really wrong to not tell a partner about being HIV positive.


I don't trust that its safe but I still can't get past the deception.


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## Teacher29today

happyhusband0005 said:


> Yes you should get a divorce. That is one crazy f'ed up thing to lie about. I guess on a positive note he hasn't had sex with you because he knows that would be totally and completely horrible without telling you about his status, so he has some form or morals. With proper medication and following strict protocols HIV positive people can have normal sex lives, but it is really wrong to not tell a partner about being HIV positive.





Diana7 said:


> He married you under false pretences and did a terrible thing by lying to you. If you havent had sex you can get an annnullment.


We don't discuss sex, I really don't like him to touch me. Honestly


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## hairyhead

Get the marriage annulled.

Go and see a lawyer who specialises in annulment.


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## ccpowerslave

Teacher29today said:


> have you been taking your HIV meds


Stopped reading here because I don’t need the rest. Yeah if that was me I’d clock out.


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## MattMatt

hairyhead said:


> Get the marriage annulled.
> 
> Go and see a lawyer who specialises in annulment.





hairyhead said:


> Get the marriage annulled.
> 
> Go and see a lawyer who specialises in annulment.


Yes, @Teacher29today I agree with @hairyhead you do not need a divorce, but you do need an annulment,


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## Imagirl

Of all the things I've read in this group this is the most legit reason I've seen to run. He misled you from the get go. You deserve an honest marriage with mindblowing sex, not a sexless life based on secrets.


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## Teacher29today

It’s easy when your on the outside looking in, God knows me he knows what I’m going through and he is really the only one that I care about not disappointing. He is faithful and just to forgive me. 
But woe to the person that cause me to sin in a holy situation.


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## Teacher29today

Imagirl said:


> Of all the things I've read in this group this is the most legit reason I've seen to run. He misled you from the get go. You deserve an honest marriage with mindblowing sex, not a sexless life based on secrets.


I been praying and I got to set myself free from this bondage. It’s not a marriage it was a trick of Satan to set me up for failure.


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## Livvie

What the..


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## Evinrude58

Trick of Satan? No. It was just a man that fell in love with you that was ashamed and scared of what would happen when you found out. He had no business ever going on a date with you without telling you first. He did a very selfish thing.
You are totally in the right to have the marriage annulled. It was vows made not in good faith. Don’t overthink this. Just get an attorney.


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## Arkansas

imagine all the lies you've NOT found out about - and that's the real marriage killer


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