# Teen airing laundry on FB



## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Just shoot me.

My 14 yo have never gotten along well, since about age 4. Dad never supported me as a parent, and son thinks he is an equal (or in charge,) and expects me to act accordingly.

So, H and I separated 2.5 yrs ago. Divorce STILL not final. I finally got our son into counseling for anger issues (teachers, my side of family, and I felt he needed it; h and his family didn't support it.) Counselor RECOMMENDED son have a FB account because he was feeling "like he didn't have friends." So he has one.

Every time he visits, there is a power struggle. Can be going great, but as soon as he doesn't get his way, or I ask him to do something (include speak to me respectfully,) there is a blow up and we escalate. 

But now with the FB, he gets on his phone (which I can't get away from him--dad insists he have access to it..) and posts these horrible, one-sided, out of context accounts that make me look downright abusive, when in fact the opposite is more true. 

I have, until now, held my tongue and not responded, though my friends and family call me and alert me when he is blasting me on his wall. I have talked to him when we are calm and told him how it looks, that everyone (his friends and mine) see it, and how unfair it is. I remind him that I don't blast him, even though I am just as mad as he is. But each time, it's the same thing. This time he accused me of denying him food, when I actually called him for dinner and he refused to come because he was on the phone (just showing his butt.) Told me to go F myself. Somehow, that didn't make his post. Huh. 

I am so exasperated at the whole thing. H's family chimes in and makes snide comments. I responded tonight (first time ever) by saying the food thing was out of context. I mean really. How embarrassing. If I unfriend him, then I won't be able to see what he writes. His dad won't make him give up FB (he doesn't post anything neg about dad. They are buds: dad treats him as an equal.)

So frustrated. Thanks for reading my rant. Chime in if you have any ideas.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

So, just looked again. Son's phone has been on charger in kitchen since I sent him to bed (early.) Dad must have Pwd. After I made comments clarifying the situation, posts and my comments have been removed. Must be nice to have a great PR guy working for you while you sleep. 

Gotta stay golden.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This is a hard one since your ex and his family seem to be encouraging it.

My step-daughter used to do similar things. 

Bring this up to his counselor. He is abusing his facebook access. Could you make it so that he only gets to use facebook if he is respectful to you?

Do you get a chance to talk to his counselor? Ask for their input into this.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Yeah, no, I have tried to limit his use of his phone at my house, and have very limited success with that as well. Miserable situation when parents don't respect each other, and don't require kids to. I make son follow Dad's parameters (as long as I know about them in time,) but don't get the same respect.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> Yeah, no, I have tried to limit his use of his phone at my house, and have very limited success with that as well. Miserable situation when parents don't respect each other, and don't require kids to. I make son follow Dad's parameters (as long as I know about them in time,) but don't get the same respect.


Does you son spend most of his time at his fathers?

When my teens pulled stuff that was disrespectful or inappropriate on the phone I took their cell way from them. They had to win back the use of it by doing things. 

Set your own house rules. Have him hand you the cell when he walks in the house. He gets it for x number of minutes/hours a day adn then has to give it to you. period....


If he posts lies about you on Facebook he does not get his phone to do that ... period.

And yes my kids.. the two step kids were as bad or worse to me as your son is being. Their mother, who lived 2000 miles from us would call and tell them that they should ignore me... this from the woman who abandonded her children and saw them only a few times a year.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

We have had so much strife about that damn phone. I tried all the things you said. Can't seem to enforce it. Don't know why--H just tells him/me he has to be allowed to keep it on him (like I'm going to abuse him and he needs to be able to call Dad..) (I am NOT abusive.) Did break the phone once, not my finest moment. I Helped replace it. 

Anyway, Dad took it off, and that is about the best I can hope for. SO , I guess responding and defending myself may be the answer. Dad doesn't like bad press, which in his case, truthfulness often is.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I think that although his portrayal of your fights is not entirely accurate, his feelings about the fights are 100% accurate. I would focus on how to fight more healthy and take his facebook posts as a reflection of how the fight went for him- of how he is feeling. 

My mom also would say things were never that bad at our house and that us kids took things out of context. She was wrong. But she's too afraid to take a hard look at herself and the product of her parenting style.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The problem with kids is that they will fight harder than an adult. Even if they are wrong they will destroy themselves to win. They are kids, they act out their anger.

I know that i'm about to completely change what I said above, but it's based on the new info you gave.

Ignore the phone. It does not exist to you anymore. If he posts something on FB, just stick up for yourself. You might want to text dad to remove it or you will respond.

Perhaps you need to see an IC on how to handle him. You need to find a way to defuse his anger. And if you are reacting in anger, yelling, etc you need the same thing.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

That's probably sensible, since I can't control it. I do see an IC. It is good to know his dad can edit. Didn't know that till tonight. Hate to have to defend myself, but it's better than sitting quietly. Did way too much of that through dad's affair and alcoholism. Done being silent.
Thx for your advice. Night!


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