# Shorter version



## Endofmyrope16 (Nov 7, 2013)

I'm new to this site..
But this is...

Shorter version of my first post


My mother in law has manipulated my husband his whole life.

Long story short.... She got pregnant with my husband at 17 to try and keep boyfriend.....she married him but he left her because she and her family were to controlling, when my husband was 7 and his brother was 3. At that time she told DH that he had to be the "man" of the house and he has devoted himself to her ever since. Though she married again when he was 12 to a strange but nice man who has just passed this past January. Even when she had a capable husband she still counted on the boys to fix her every problem and essentially take care of her..

She has done many manipulating things (in my first post) over the 16 years since I met him. She went full on evil when we married 14 years ago.

I have never been able to voice my opinion to her because my husband said I will make it worse and he wants to "handle" it and not drag me through her crap but hasn't been able to. Since she lost her husband and father this year she has made it her mission to make the boys feel so guilty she is alone and that they are REQUIRED to take care of her. She stopped talking to her father when her mother passed because he got a girlfriend and alienated both boys to anyone on that side of the family but when she found out she might lose her inheritance she suddenly made up with him (he had cancer) 6 weeks prior to his death. She bad mouthed him (her dad) so bad and essentially told the boys that they had to be loyal to her but since she reconciled she wanted them to and my husband couldn't for his personal reasons because she fed him all kinds of stuff that he did not need to hear about his grandfather. She also took my kids behind my back to see him but for "brownie points" so my kids had to deal with 2 losses this year. 

Anyway the reason I'm at my wits end is because she made a speech at her fathers funeral and threw us all including my kids under the bus for her own gain and I'M DONE !

I told DH that he needs to address her once and for all (now that it's been a week since funeral and out of respect for the GFIL) or I'm done. She is only 62 years old and healthy and is on every state program she can manipulate to financially support her so he needs to make a stand. I have felt she comes first our entire relationship but I can not take it anymore. I should come first, shouldn't I ??


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

The spouse should come first, but sometimes the dysfunction runs so deep in a family that those involved can't see past it.

I have a similar problem with my wife's family. They are as dysfunctional as they come. I have tried to explain to my wife some of the toxic behaviors they have. She tells me she will handle it, but she is not brave enough to stand up to her parents. So, every time they visit, we end up with about a week or more of fighting and sometimes separation.

She has so many issues in there, but refuses to see any of it. So, the way we handle it is for her to 100% deal with them. I don't speak with them any longer. I leave the house or stay in my office on their visits. It is truly toxic. My wife realizes it is a problem, but she is not strong enough to handle it. She refuses counseling or anything like that.

I hope you are able to hang in there. I know I struggle with it every time it arises. Thankfully they are several states away.


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