# Views on time apart



## Dreamer06687 (May 14, 2020)

My husband and I have seen struggling he filed for divorce 6 months ago but we are working on reconciling.

His biggest complaint not enough time away from the kids ( he is a stay at home dad) and lack of physical Intimacy.
my biggest complaint is not enough time together as a family and lack of emotional intimacy. Even though he was home often he was almost always out in the garage smoking and when he was in the house he was playing xbox or on his phone.

since we have been trying to reconcile we are have sex more often and he is spending time at his friends house on a regular basis. I don’t feel my need of emotional connection is being met. I asked him to spend short periods of time at his friends house he currently is spending 2-3x a week 8+ hours each visit at his friends and on those days doesn’t eat dinner at home either. I’m wondering what others see as a fair amount of time away from the family or other creative solutions?


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## FamilyMan216 (Apr 1, 2020)

I spend time with friends every other weekend, either a Friday or Saturday for 5-6 hrs. My family is first priority to me, so that's why I chose to spend most of my time with them


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Dreamer06687 said:


> My husband and I have seen struggling he filed for divorce 6 months ago but we are working on reconciling.
> 
> His biggest complaint not enough time away from the kids ( he is a stay at home dad) and lack of physical Intimacy.
> my biggest complaint is not enough time together as a family and lack of emotional intimacy. Even though he was home often he was almost always out in the garage smoking and when he was in the house he was playing xbox or on his phone.
> ...


3 days out of 7 and eating there also is far too many. He is pushing his luck. he gets sex but you don't get the time. You are working and financially supporting the family. Looks like he is calling the shots. About time to let him have his wish and kick him to the kerb. Have you got a lawyer for yourself? have you considered childcare arrangements? How many kids do you have. Tell him to find a job then he wont have such a desire to spend so much time away from home. He is not keeping his end of the bargain, full time mothers do not go out 3 days a week and stay away over 8 hours, I call BS on this. He is NOT a full time parent, he is a part time parent and you seem to be taking up the slack. Some men are not suited to be stay at home parents, tell him to get off his ass, get a job and divorce him.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I could only like Aine post once but it's so true. He's cake eating. I get sex and go play games with my friends while you work, pay the bills, and take care of the children.

How about a babysitter? Then he can get time away from the kids WITH you. But of course what he really wants is his gaming time. He is not invested in 'the family' or you. 

What is he smoking? regular or weed? 

Is he doing a good job of keeping the house, making dinner and such? or does he only watch the kids and still expect you to do most of the chores? then he goes out over 24 hours each week?

When you were separated who watched this kids? Did he have them full time?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

If he doesn't want to be around the kids so much then he shouldn't be a SAHD. Simple as that. SAHM's don't spend 24+ hours outside of the house. If he wants that much time out of the house then it's time to at least be productive about it and get a job. He doesn't even sound like a good SAHD if all he was doing was smoking, playing video games, and being on his phone.

It sounds like your husband's needs are being met, but what about yours? He doesn't seem to give a crap about the other half of the equation. I'd question whether he actually wants to reconcile or whether he just wants his cake and to eat it too. Right now he has it all, he can be a lazy turd that doesn't work, ditches the wife and kids, gets a free ride, and gets sex without all that pesky emotional stuff the wife wants. Win-win-win.

You need to set some boundaries and stick to them. If he's unwilling to compromise and have an actual relationship, and stop being so god damn lazy, then you may have to be unwilling to have him as your husband. Doesn't sound like you'd be losing much anyway...


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

aine said:


> He is NOT a full time parent, he is a part time parent and you seem to be taking up the slack. Some men are not suited to be stay at home parents, tell him to get off his ass, get a job and divorce him.


^^Yep, this. He's also a part time husband.

Tell him to get off his butt and get out to work. Once he's done that, kick him to the kerb. Don't do it before he's working - you don't want to have to pay his lazy butt alimony.


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