# Falling out of love and cheating



## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

I am new here and read quite a few threads. I will not make two separate posts, but would like to ask both of my questions here.

Q1. Have you ever fell out of love with your spouse and regained that spark back? If so, how long did it take you to rekindle the flame?

Q2. Mainly for men. Knowingly cheating on your wife, how would you feel if she cheated back on you? (You will never understand the damage you did to someone until the same thing is done to you.)

I am not a perfect woman, but men can push you to your limits. Not men, but my spouse! He’s cheated on me, I’ve done the same back, and I admittedly loved every second of it. The stepping out on my behalf was done more for payback. It was wrong and I shouldn’t have for my on sanity, but why not? Why do men thinks it’s perfectly fine to cheat and say they were being selfish, but time the woman does the same, his world falls apart. Can someone please explain?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Normally, both halves feel pain equally.

However....
The first cheater likely has less empathy then the follow-up skeeter.

The first cheater likely did it for selfish reasons, maybe for lust, maybe they were bored.

The cheated-on cheater, does it for angry revenge. 
As you said, to punish the betrayal. 

You enjoyed this revenge.
Did you also enjoy the sex?

So, no, the first cheater will likely not really care. 
If they cared for their SO, they would not have cheated in the first place.

So, you are a _Mad Hatter, _ does your husband know this?

If the love is _gone,_ then no, it rarely comes back. 
At least not in any meaningful amount.


_Nemesis-_


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Diamondvessel said:


> I am new here and read quite a few threads. I will not make two separate posts, but would like to ask both of my questions here.
> 
> Q1. Have you ever fell out of love with your spouse and regained that spark back? If so, how long did it take you to rekindle the flame?
> 
> ...


**** anyone who cheats, KEEP YOUR WORD!

There is my contribution for today.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Diamondvessel said:


> I am new here and read quite a few threads. I will not make two separate posts, but would like to ask both of my questions here.
> 
> Q1. Have you ever fell out of love with your spouse and regained that spark back? If so, how long did it take you to rekindle the flame?
> 
> ...


What an ignorant thing to say. Cheating and everything about it is not gender specific.

I had a revenge affair on my wife then I divorced her. While she was pissed off she didn't feel what I felt when she initially cheated because she was broken to begin with.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Diamondvessel said:


> I am new here and read quite a few threads. I will not make two separate posts, but would like to ask both of my questions here.
> 
> Q1. Have you ever fell out of love with your spouse and regained that spark back? If so, how long did it take you to rekindle the flame?
> 
> ...


You hear a lot these days about how human beings aren’t naturally monogamous, and I have to admit — if you think about what we are at our core (animals), that is true. But the _person_ that I am, that my wife is, that you and your husband are, etc… we are MORE than just animals.

But sure, there are a lot of _people_ out there that just aren’t naturally monogamous. Whether they just didn’t pick up that bit of programming or they just don’t have in them to be loyal or it’s not a part of their culture or whatever the issue is… I don’t know. Depends on the person, I suppose.

*What I can tell you, though, is that each and every one of them expect their partners to be monogamous.*

(This obviously doesn’t necessarily apply to those that practice _ethical_ non-monogamy.)

ETA: Though I didn’t explicitly say as much, this isn’t a “man” thing or a “woman” thing — it’s a wayward thing. Either way, enjoy your hat. 😉👍🏻


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Normally, both halves feel pain equally.
> 
> However....
> The first cheater likely has less empathy then the follow-up skeeter.
> ...


He claims he was bored and being selfish. I can see if it was with just with one person but he’s cheated with multiple people numerous of times. I found this out by going through his unattended phone and then confronting him about it. He cried crocodile tears, apologized, and promised he wouldn’t do it again.

I enjoyed the revenge to the point where I can’t get enough sex from this other man. It’s exhilarating and scandalous all at the same time. My husband doesn’t know about this and I doubt I will come clean about it unless asked. I know it isn’t right, but my body yearns for this other guy sexually. It’s to the point we almost went for round 3 all in one day. My sex drive with my husband has never been on point like this. We’ve been together for 15 years, every since I was 17. 

I don’t want to divorce my husband nor come clean about what I have done. My husband didn’t come clean until he was caught red handed. I know for a fact, he will be crushed if I came clean about the affair and probably will take the route of leaving the marriage. He puts me on that pedestal.

I just recently developed a higher sex drive and it’s never been this high. It like 100 times worst then it has ever been or is it because of the new flame I’ve discovered? I can see how people get addicted or hooked on crap.

thoughts?? do i sound like a messed up individual!??


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Diamondvessel said:


> Q1. Have you ever fell out of love with your spouse and regained that spark back? If so, how long did it take you to rekindle the flame?


Please describe exactly what is this "love" that you say you may or maynot have had/fallen out of. (or if not "exactly", just at least more specifically, because it might be radically different to what I think it is.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Diamondvessel said:


> He claims he was bored and being selfish. I can see if it was with just with one person but he’s cheated with multiple people numerous of times. I found this out by going through his unattended phone and then confronting him about it. He cried crocodile tears, apologized, and promised he wouldn’t do it again.
> 
> I enjoyed the revenge to the point where I can’t get enough sex from this other man. It’s exhilarating and scandalous all at the same time. My husband doesn’t know about this and I doubt I will come clean about it unless asked. I know it isn’t right, but my body yearns for this other guy sexually. It’s to the point we almost went for round 3 all in one day. My sex drive with my husband has never been on point like this. We’ve been together for 15 years, every since I was 17.
> 
> ...


I mean… no more than your run-of-the-mill wayward. 🤷🏻‍♂️


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

Benbutton said:


> What an ignorant thing to say. Cheating and everything about it is not gender specific.
> 
> I had a revenge affair on my wife then I divorced her. While she was pissed off she didn't feel what I felt when she initially cheated because she was broken to begin with.


Most of the time, it is the man who steps out first. He’s cheated several times to my findings. Divorce hasn’t crossed my mind but the revenge affair that is happening isn’t making it any better either.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Diamondvessel said:


> Most of the time, it is the man who steps out first. He’s cheated several times to my findings. Divorce hasn’t crossed my mind but the revenge affair that is happening isn’t making it any better either.


Don’t know if that was ever true. Either way, it certainly isn’t these days.


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

GusPolinski said:


> You hear a lot these days about how human beings aren’t naturally monogamous, and I have to admit — if you think about what we are at our core (animals), that is true. But the _person_ that I am, that my wife is, that you and your husband are, etc… we are MORE than just animals.
> 
> But sure, there are a lot of _people_ out there that just aren’t naturally monogamous. Whether they just didn’t pick up that bit of programming or they just don’t have in them to be loyal or it’s not a part of their culture whatever the issue is… I don’t know. Depends on the person, I suppose.
> 
> ...


I really feel that times have changed. I grew up in household where my parents where together for 40+ years. My husband grew up in household seeing his mom having different men coming in-and-out of their lives. I’m not making excuses for him and all his cheating, but is this all he know? I’ve been faithful to him for many years until these past 5 months. All of his wrongdoings has added up, so I wanted revenged, not knowing 5 months laters & counting I’m continuing out this revenge.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Diamondvessel said:


> I really feel that times have changed. I grew up in household where my parents where together for 40+ years. My husband grew up in household seeing his mom having different men coming in-and-out of their lives. I’m not making excuses for him and all his cheating, but is this all he know? I’ve been faithful to him for many years until these past 5 months. All of his wrongdoings has added up, so I wanted revenged, not knowing 5 months laters & counting I’m continuing out this revenge.


I can understand wanting revenge, especially if you feel like you don’t want to (or worse, can’t) divorce.

Still, you can’t pretend to be fighting for your family while you’re involved with another man. Your husband knows all the signs, and he’ll figure it out eventually (assuming he hasn’t already). How do you think he’ll react?

Why don’t you want to divorce?

Is your affair partner also married?


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Unless you just went out and went up to the first guy you seen on the street and said hey my husband has cheated on me and I want to have a revenge affair you game? Which I doubt.

So you basically @Diamondvessel it sounds to me you probably had thoughts about this other guy for sometime maybe even flirted with before and when you found out about your husbands indiscretions (which is totally wrong to you and your marriage) you used that to justify your infidelity yourself. Just remember he may have done it first, but you now are no better than he is. Also, is this guy you are having PA with married or seeing someone? If so he is no different than your husband and if he is married how do you think his wife and family would feel about you.

As you have already stated you are no different than any of the men you tried to throw under the bus what you want is just like the men you are complaining about in that you want your cake and eat it to. You want the security and life style your marriage is providing you but you want to go out with this guy that I'm sure you thought of or had a eye on for sometime and have all the sex you want and stay married. If your husband is as bad as you say he is why don't you sit him down and say I have found a guy that the sex is off the charts and I want to continue to **** him, but I want to stay married as well. So why don't we just have an "Open Marriage" and you see who you want and I will see who I want no questions ask. One last thing you have not mentioned. Do you guys have kids? If so what do you think they would think about you and your husbands behavior.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> I am new here and read quite a few threads. I will not make two separate posts, but would like to ask both of my questions here.
> 
> Q1. Have you ever fell out of love with your spouse and regained that spark back? If so, how long did it take you to rekindle the flame?
> 
> ...


Q1: No. My first marriage was sexless and ended being the same. My two following significative relationships were passionate for years, same time they lasted. No first hand experience on your question.

Q2: Can´t say. I never cheated. Even so, I have no double standards about. Infidelity is IMO the end of it, regardless who is the one who betrays.


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

GusPolinski said:


> I can understand wanting revenge, especially if you feel like you don’t want to (or worse) can’t divorce.
> 
> Still, you can’t pretend to be fighting for your family while you’re involved with another man. Your husband knows all the signs, and he’ll figure it out eventually (assuming he hasn’t already). How do you think he’ll react?
> 
> ...


Yes he may figure out eventually if I continue on with this affair.

We’ve been together for so long and he’s all I’ve known. Besides the cheating, we do get along. If we were to divorce, I feel he would be lost in the world without me. I’ve always been the responsible and dependent person in the relationship.

The affair partner is single and has been divorced for 7 years now. He’s much older than I am by 18 years. 

I don’t know what answer I’m trying to get off here. Just advice! I love my husband still, but affair partner is taking up more and more of my time.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> I don’t know what answer I’m trying to get off here. Just advice! I love my husband still, but affair partner is taking up more and more of my time.


Then how do you expect to fall back in love with your husband when you are on a high and in fog with an affair partner. Also do you all have kids? If so what would they think of what you are doing as well as what your husband has been doing? One last question do you work or is your husband the breadwinner in the family?


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Unless you just went out and went up to the first guy you seen on the street and said hey my husband has cheated on me and I want to have a revenge affair you game? Which I doubt.
> 
> So you basically @Diamondvessel it sounds to me you probably had thoughts about this other guy for sometime maybe even flirted with before and when you found out about your husbands indiscretions (which is totally wrong to you and your marriage) you used that to justify your infidelity yourself. Just remember he may have done it first, but you now are no better than he is. Also, is this guy you are having PA with married or seeing someone? If so he is no different than your husband and if he is married how do you think his wife and family would feel about you.
> 
> As you have already stated you are no different than any of the men you tried to throw under the bus what you want is just like the men you are complaining about in that you want your cake and eat it to. You want the security and life style your marriage is providing you but you want to go out with this guy that I'm sure you thought of or had a eye on for sometime and have all the sex you want and stay married. If your husband is as bad as you say he is why don't you sit him down and say I have found a guy that the sex is off the charts and I want to continue to **** him, but I want to stay married as well. So why don't we just have an "Open Marriage" and you see who you want and I will see who I want no questions ask. One last thing you have not mentioned. Do you guys have kids? If so what do you think they would think about you and your husbands behavior.


No we do not have kids. The affair guy has been divorced for 7 years now. He is single and very attractive. He claims that he does not see anyone, but I would not be surprised if he does due to the way he carries himself. My husband will probably die at the thought of me bringing up the topic of an open marriage. In reality, that is exactly what is going on.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> No we do not have kids. The affair guy has been divorced for 7 years now. He is single and very attractive. He claims that he does not see anyone, but I would not be surprised if he does due to the way he carries himself. My husband will probably die at the thought of me bringing up the topic of an open marriage. In reality, that is exactly what is going on.


Okay thanks for the answers. It is at least good that you have no kids. However you did not address some of the questions. How did you guys just start having sex did you just randomly meet this guy or as I said in my post did you really have an eye on him, thoughts, or even some flirting before you found out about your husbands affairs and used that to get with this guy? Is why you want to stay with your husband but continue on with the AP is because your husband is the main breadwinner. Also one last thing if you do care about your husband as you claim think about this the guy has been divorced for 7 years single and as you say very attractive and don't know if he is seeing anyone else, please tell me you are not having unprotected sex if so you are really could become complicated if you become pregant or get a STD and pass it on to your husband.


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Then how do you expect to fall back in love with your husband when you are on a high and in fog with an affair partner. Also do you all have kids? If so what would they think of what you are doing as well as what your husband has been doing? One last question do you work or is your husband the breadwinner in the family?


No we do not have kids and we both work. He gets paid more then me but all the bills are split 50/50. Affair partner does not lack in the bedroom and knows how to make me feel desired. He’s romantic and more mature then my husband. I hate to even type that but it’s the truth. That is why I am needing advice!! This is the mess I am dealing with. I should have handled it differently to begin with.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> No we do not have kids and we both work. He gets paid more then me but all the bills are split 50/50. Affair partner does not lack in the bedroom and knows how to make me feel desired. He’s romantic and more mature then my husband. I hate to even type that but it’s the truth. That is why I am needing advice!! This is the mess I am dealing with. I should have handled it differently to begin with.


Ok your husband makes more could you afford to live on your own? I ask because you say you want to stay with your husband but you have fallen out of love with him. Do you and your husband still have s*x? I will ask one more time how did you come to meet or know this guy that you have been having sex with for 5+ months? Was it just random or did you know him before and when you found out about your husbands fooling around say that is they guy I want to have a revenge affair with?

Also please take my comments about unprotected sex to heart I hope you have not done so but based on how you have described your AP I would say that you have many times. I hope I'm wrong but if you don't much about his life outside of his time with you it is definitely a big risk you are taking for both you and your husband it would be said if that is how he found out about your affair is from coming down with a STD you gave to him.

One last thing, has your husband since your confronted him about his affair stopped all contact with the OW and focusing on your marriage? If he has don't you owe him the same you felt that way about the reason to cheat shouldn't you feel the same if he is trying to focus only on his marriage now. If you don't want to he deserves to be told or just divorce him, but deep down it sounds like you have had your eye on this guy for awhile and now want the best of both worlds that is why you have not said if you knew this guy before you started the affair with him.


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Okay thanks for the answers. It is at least good that you have no kids. However you did not address some of the questions. How did you guys just start having sex did you just randomly meet this guy or as I said in my post did you really have an eye on him, thoughts, or even some flirting before you found out about your husbands affairs and used that to get with this guy? Is why you want to stay with your husband but continue on with the AP is because your husband is the main breadwinner. Also one last thing if you do care about your husband as you claim think about this the guy has been divorced for 7 years single and as you say very attractive and don't know if he is seeing anyone else, please tell me you are not having unprotected sex if so you are really could become complicated if you become pregant or get a STD and pass it on to your husband.


We randomly met with one another while I was on lunch. We met long after my husband cheated. It started off by exchanging numbers and at first I was not interested. It was good to have new conversation for a change and we flirted for two months. The 2nd time we saw each other it’s been non-stop interactions since July. My husband affairs been going on long before I’ve met affair partner. I am taking precautions to not get pregnant and got tested the end of last month.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

OP, woman to woman......

I think you should file for divorce. First of all, your hb has poor character and is a lying serial cheat. You'll never trust him again, nor should you. The fact that he leans on you to adult means you don't respect him. This is all understandable 

Now for you. I get the payback part...i really do. And your hb deserves all of it. But you're really lowering yourself here by continuing this while remaining married.

Your adult hb being unable to function without you is a him problem. He broke this marriage and as women once we're done that's it. My father used to say that once a woman looks at you and the love in her eyes is gone its time to move on.

And drop the old guy. You're danaged and he seems like a great deal but he's not. First of all, you're in a terrible place thanks to your hb. Second, you can't have anything real with such an age difference. I know....my ex hb was 19 years older and it was a waste of 13 years for me. An age difference like that brings other issues. FYI...I found out my ex had been keeping an ex around our entire 13 years together and I soooooo wanted to pay him back but I'm glad I didn't and just divorced him. I upgraded with my awesome bf....that's payback enough 

This no way to live. File for divorce and live your life ethically. Your hb will either grow up or not but that's his problem. You'll live in limbo until you leave this marriage.


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Ok your husband makes more could you afford to live on your own? I ask because you say you want to stay with your husband but you have fallen out of love with him. Do you and your husband still have s*x? I will ask one more time how did you come to meet or know this guy that you have been having sex with for 5+ months? Was it just random or did you know him before and when you found out about your husbands fooling around say that is they guy I want to have a revenge affair with?
> 
> Also please take my comments about unprotected sex to heart I hope you have not done so but based on how you have described your AP I would say that you have many times. I hope I'm wrong but if you don't much about his life outside of his time with you it is definitely a big risk you are taking for both you and your husband it would be said if that is how he found out about your affair is from coming down with a STD you gave to him.
> 
> One last thing, has your husband since your confronted him about his affair stopped all contact with the OW and focusing on your marriage? If he has don't you owe him the same you felt that way about the reason to cheat shouldn't you feel the same if he is trying to focus only on his marriage now. If you don't want to he deserves to be told or just divorce him, but deep down it sounds like you have had your eye on this guy for awhile and now want the best of both worlds that is why you have not said if you knew this guy before you started the affair with him.


He says he is not talking with or seeing anyone else. I can’t get a good read if he is telling the truth or not. He’s always been secretive when it came to me questioning him about OW and how they met. He keeps a lock on his phone to which I do not know the code. I think that is suspicious.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Diamondvessel said:


> He says he is not talking with or seeing anyone else. I can’t get a good read if he is telling the truth or not. He’s always been secretive when it came to me questioning him about OW and how they met. He keeps a lock on his phone to which I do not know the code. I think that is suspicious.


That is your answer. Your hb is a liar.....period.

File for divorce and find someone who isn't a liar.


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> OP, woman to woman......
> 
> I think you should file for divorce. First of all, your hb has poor character and is a lying serial cheat. You'll never trust him again, nor should you. The fact that he leans on you to adult means you don't respect him. This is all understandable
> 
> ...


These are good pointers. I have some serious life evaluating to do and I need to figure it out quickly!


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> He says he is not talking with or seeing anyone else. I can’t get a good read if he is telling the truth or not. He’s always been secretive when it came to me questioning him about OW and how they met. He keeps a lock on his phone to which I do not know the code. I think that is suspicious.


I agree he is probably not I would sit him down and tell him everything he really probably deserves to feel some pain and tell him everything and let him know based on his actions you are pretty sure he is still carrying on with the other woman(women) heck he may be with them when you are having s*x with your guy. Give him and you 3 options: 1) both of you come totally clean open all phones computers to each other and try to R your marriage. 2) Divorce and go your separate ways. 3) Let him know that it seems that both you want to continue your affairs and if neither of you want to divorce how would he feel about you guys having an "Open Marriage" and be with each other and others as well and make some rules and guidelines for that.
One last question are you still having sexual relations with your husband now?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

No kids and you are both already carrying on like two single people so other than getting along and having someone help pay the bills, remind us why you want to remain married????


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> I agree he is probably not I would sit him down and tell him everything he really probably deserves to feel some pain and tell him everything and let him know based on his actions you are pretty sure he is still carrying on with the other woman(women) heck he may be with them when you are having s*x with your guy. Give him and you 3 options: 1) both of you come totally clean open all phones computers to each other and try to R your marriage. 2) Divorce and go your separate ways. 3) Let him know that it seems that both you want to continue your affairs and if neither of you want to divorce how would he feel about you guys having an "Open Marriage" and be with each other and others as well and make some rules and guidelines for that.
> One last question are you still having sexual relations with your husband now?


He will not give up his phone to me if his life depended on it and that’s a fact. I will need to talk with him very soon about this matter, but how would I start the conversation off? I don’t want to admittedly say “I’ve been cheating on you for months now!”
My husband and I had sex twice since July.


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## Diamondvessel (Oct 17, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> No kids and you are both already carrying on like two single people so other than getting along and having someone help pay the bills, remind us why you want to remain married????


This is the story of my life at the moment.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Diamondvessel said:


> He claims he was bored and being selfish. I can see if it was with just with one person but he’s cheated with multiple people numerous of times. I found this out by going through his unattended phone and then confronting him about it. He cried crocodile tears, apologized, and promised he wouldn’t do it again.
> 
> I enjoyed the revenge to the point where I can’t get enough sex from this other man. It’s exhilarating and scandalous all at the same time. My husband doesn’t know about this and I doubt I will come clean about it unless asked. I know it isn’t right, but my body yearns for this other guy sexually. It’s to the point we almost went for round 3 all in one day. My sex drive with my husband has never been on point like this. We’ve been together for 15 years, every since I was 17.
> 
> ...


Yes you do sound messed up. You were hurt by adultery so you go out and do the same?How was that ok?
You have no marriage so you may as well end it.
Pointless carrying on pretending when you are now cheating as well. Taking revenge achieves nothing, at least nothing that is positive. 

Just tell him you are cheating and file for divorce. Neither of you should be married.

At least there are no children involved in this mess. 

I don't agree that it's more men who cheat. I know quite a few men whose wives cheated, including my husband's ex and both of my brother's wives.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> He will not give up his phone to me if his life depended on it and that’s a fact. I will need to talk with him very soon about this matter, but how would I start the conversation off? I don’t want to admittedly say “I’ve been cheating on you for months now!”
> My husband and I had sex twice since July.


Just what I said above with what you have said he is still in contact with her emotionally if not still physical and let him know how bad he hurt and angered you and what you did and how it started out as a revenge affair but you are still seeing the guy and you know by his reactions that he is still involved with his AP as well and as I said above you basically have the 3 options. I personally don't see why you would want to continue on like you are. This is a talk you need to have and just point blank ask him if he is still involved with the other woman. The sooner you have the talk the happier and better off I think you will be. Best of luck!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diamondvessel said:


> This is the story of my life at the moment.


IMHO the story of your life at the moment is you need to poop or get off the pot. You're both involved with other people, it doesn't sound like you respect or even like your H that much, so other than sharing rent and bills with each other, I'm not sure what the benefit of pretending to be married is. 

You're already living as a single but trying to remain married even though you don't really even care for the guy all that much. And it sounds like he has already been playing the field and may very well still be involved with the OW so I'm not really seeing the point of going through this charade. 

If you two split up, which you aren't really 'together' now, then you could each do whatever you want. 

Whether you tell your H about your affair or not, I don't think it really matters at this point. But as deep as you are getting with the OM you are going to inevitably get caught and then there will be fireworks and drama and tears etc. 

This can either end with a whimper or end with a roar along with explosions and rockets red glare and bombs bursting in air. So it depends on how much drama and chaos you want. If you're a drama queen and deep down you like drama and high energy, just keep on truck'n because you will be getting all that and more soon,,, maybe even the chance to call 911 a few times and have red lights and sirens in your driveway. 

But if you are wanting some semblance of peace and order in life, it may be best just to say things aren't working out and sit down and start discussing how to split up the furniture and pots and pans. 

That may not be very glamorous or exciting and it may even be a bit sad at times.... but again, it all depends on how much drama and fireworks you want in your life.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Just tell him you are cheating and file for divorce. Neither of you should be married.


I don't even care if you tell him. I'm not sure there is anything to be gained by that other than more drama and excitement if you are into that. 

Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor and fading away like a fart in the wind is better for everyone.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The way I see it, the only benefit to disclosing your affair is you'll be able to stroke your ego by saying, "nanner nanner boo boo, I can screw around toooo!" 

But there's really no victory or accomplishment in that because you are a chick and chicks can screw anyone at any time. 

All it will do is make you look scorned and vengeful and like you intentionally set your sights on hurting by taking the easiest path that a woman can do. And you lose whatever moral high ground you may appear to have. 

Disclose the affair and you'll just look like a mean-spirited, vengeful, scorned woman out for revenge using the quickest and easiest tactic available. 

But if you just throw in the towel, say it's not working, take your share of the furniture and cookware and walk away without a fuss, you simply look like someone with boundaries and dignity and who wants the least amount of drama and pain and conflict as possible. 

Your affair is on you. What do you gain by sticking it in other people's faces????


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You say you still love your husband, how touching.
He does not love you, he tolerates you, hence no touching.

He locks down his _phone_, he locks down his _bone_.
Where is this love for him _felt_, where can we see it _spelt_?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> The way I see it, the only benefit to disclosing your affair is you'll be able to stroke your ego by saying, "nanner nanner boo boo, I can screw around toooo!"
> 
> But there's really no victory or accomplishment in that because you are a chick and chicks can screw anyone at any time.
> 
> ...


It may be easier for him to accept the marriage us over if he knows about the affair.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diamondvessel said:


> No we do not have kids and we both work. He gets paid more then me but all the bills are split 50/50. Affair partner does not lack in the bedroom and knows how to make me feel desired. He’s romantic and more mature then my husband. I hate to even type that but it’s the truth. That is why I am needing advice!! This is the mess I am dealing with. I should have handled it differently to begin with.


Your affair partner is not more romantic, and is in fact an asshoke. And he may or may not be more mature. He’s not that damn mature or he wouldn’t be banging another man’s wife.
He doesn’t have to put up with you every day. He’s 18 years older??? Ha! That will work out great…

You want some advice? Divorce your husband and dump the man with no morals.
Take some time and think about what you’ve done. You’re calling this a revenge affair, but what it really is, is just an affair. You had the moral high ground, and are now wallowing in the muck just like your husband. How you feel about your AP us likely just what he felt with his.

Stop with the AP and tell your husband. Either work it out or not. This affair stuff will do nothing but ruin your life. But please, don’t think for one second that you are anything but a great piece of ass to this old guy. He knows you’re a cheater. He doesn’t care. It’s just great commitmentless sex with a much younger woman that he doesn’t have to deal with except for fun in bed. I think poorly if your romantic comment about him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Diamondvessel said:


> I am new here and read quite a few threads. I will not make two separate posts, but would like to ask both of my questions here.
> 
> Q1. Have you ever fell out of love with your spouse and regained that spark back? If so, how long did it take you to rekindle the flame?
> 
> ...


Whether it's the wife or husband who cheats first, they are usually devastated if their betrayed spouse (BS) has a revenge affair. It's just the way it goes.

See when a person is married they have a spouse who is meeting some of their emotional needs. But no one person can meet all of another person's emotional needs. Now enter an affair partner (AP). Let's say that the BS is meeting 50% of wayward spouse's (WS) needs. Well, now the WS has both the BS and the AP meeting their emotional needs. This is why a WS is in what is called the affair fog... because what's better than to have 2 people meeting your needs and making you feel loved, etc?

Now when the BS has a revenge affair, the WS suddenly realizes that the BS is no longer willing to meet their emotional needs. It's like the BS pulled the proverbial rug out from under the WS. And if the WS has ended the affair, now the WS has no one meeting their emotional needs and is suddenly standing stripped of everything is a big empty field, all alone. Now the WS has to face the full devastation of what they have done to their own lives.

About 50% of BS end up having revenge affairs. And most say that it really did not help them heal and probably cause more distress. When I found out about my husband's affairs I kept thinking about cheating. There was something telling me that by cheating I would be evening the score and taking back what he took away. I get the drive to cheat after you find out about your spouse cheating. It can be a very strong drive.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Whether it's the wife or husband who cheats first, they are usually devastated if their betrayed spouse (BS) has a revenge affair. It's just the way it goes.
> 
> See when a person is married they have a spouse who is meeting some of their emotional needs. But no one person can meet all of another person's emotional needs. Now enter an affair partner (AP). Let's say that the BS is meeting 50% of wayward spouse's (WS) needs. Well, now the WS has both the BS and the AP meeting their emotional needs. This is why a WS is in what is called the affair fog... because what's better than to have 2 people meeting your needs and making you feel loved, etc?
> 
> ...


It's really sad if the 50% figure is true. As you say it rarely helps and it usually greatly hinders the healing process. After all it makes people no better than the one who cheated first.

Why stoop to their level?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> It's really sad if the 50% figure is true. As you say it rarely helps and it usually greatly hinders the healing process. After all it makes people no better than the one who cheated first.
> 
> Why stoop to their level?


Not to nit pick here as your points are valid, but I don't think it makes the BS no better than the WS (orginal cheater). When a person reacts to the pain of their spouses affair by acting out and having an affair themselves, it's a reaction to a heavy blow. An attempt to heal themselves from the harm caused by their original cheater. The emotional pain caused by an affair if often devastating. When a person is in deep emotional pain, they often react in bad ways in attempts to heal their own wounds. And of course it seldom heals because it's like trying to put out a fire by pouring lighter fluid on it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Not to nit pick here as your points are valid, but I don't think it makes the BS no better than the WS (orginal cheater). When a person reacts to the pain of their spouses affair by acting out and having an affair themselves, it's a reaction to a heavy blow. An attempt to heal themselves from the harm caused by their original cheater. The emotional pain caused by an affair if often devastating. When a person is in deep emotional pain, they often react in bad ways in attempts to heal their own wounds. And of course it seldom heals because it's like trying to put out a fire by pouring lighter fluid on it.


I
see it as being very hurt by something that you then go and do yourself. I don't see it as trying to heal but as wanting revenge.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> I see it as being very hurt by something that you then go and do yourself. I don't see it as trying to heal but as wanting revenge.


Having experienced the desire to go out and cheat myself after I found out about my husband's cheating, it was something crazy that kept going through my mind with the thought that it would help me heal and feel better. Luckily I ignored it and did not do it. But at least in my case it was like my subconscious was telling me to it would help me heal.

On another note, sometimes human nature has a strong drive for revenge. Revenge is a bad idea, it's like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. It seldom works. But it's part of human nature and when a person is weak because of serious emotional injury, they often give into this aspect of human nature.

I just don't think that a revenge affair is as bad as the original spouse cheating. It's like the original cheating spouse pushed a boulder down the mountain side. They cannot then get to complain when it lands where they did not want it to land. That's just MHO.


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## Mr Steel (Sep 30, 2021)

Seems like you are fine to keep going around in circles. If you want to ride to stop then confess and go your own way.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Diamondvessel said:


> I really feel that times have changed. I grew up in household where my parents where together for 40+ years. My husband grew up in household seeing his mom having different men coming in-and-out of their lives. I’m not making excuses for him and all his cheating, but is this all he know? I’ve been faithful to him for many years until these past 5 months. All of his wrongdoings has added up, so I wanted revenged, not knowing 5 months laters & counting I’m continuing out this revenge.


If you want revenge, take photos and hand them to him with the divorce papers. Why would you want to stay in this marriage?
You are still young enough to remarry someone who will not cheat on you. Why waste any more time on a serial cheater.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

While I don't think a revenge affair is a good idea (and it may eventually lead to guilt), I understand that it could be very, very satisfying. I also think that if a partner breaks the contract they have nullified it and you are released from it as a consequence (legally not so much, but emotionally and morally, perhaps).


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> He’s cheated on me, I’ve done the same back, and I admittedly loved every second of it.


First off, he's a dog ass motherf*****r for cheating. I despise cheaters.

Having said that, if you "loved every second of it", then you and he are actually one in the same and its something you'd have loved to do even if he didn't cheat, its just that his cheating gave you the green light.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

My opinion: people who cheat want a bigger slice of the pie. They're perfectly happy with being greedy and taking the larger piece while their SO settles for the smaller piece. It makes them feel _*special. *_ When the SO joins the game and grabs the bigger piece, the wayward doesn't feel _*special*_ anymore. Ask any mother who has to make sure she slices the pie equally lest her kids squawk about it.


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## Burner4n (Sep 10, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Your affair partner is not more romantic, and is in fact an asshoke. And he may or may not be more mature. He’s not that damn mature or he wouldn’t be banging another man’s wife.
> He doesn’t have to put up with you every day. He’s 18 years older??? Ha! That will work out great…
> 
> You want some advice? Divorce your husband and dump the man with no morals.
> ...


Great contribution, got me thinking 🤔


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Not to nit pick here as your points are valid, but I don't think it makes the BS no better than the WS (orginal cheatery). When a person reacts to the pain of their spouses affair by acting out and having an affair themselves, it's a reaction to a heavy blow. An attempt to heal themselves from the harm caused by their original cheater. The emotional pain caused by an affair if often devastating. When a person is in deep emotional pain, they often react in bad ways in attempts to heal their own wounds. And of course it seldom heals because it's like trying to put out a fire by pouring lighter fluid on it.


Isnt it also the aspect of the BS confirming they are still wanted by someone? That they still are attractive to someone?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rus47 said:


> Isnt it also the aspect of the BS confirming they are still wanted by someone? That they still are attractive to someone?


Yes, I think that is part of it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Burner4n said:


> Great contribution, got me thinking 🤔


I do not blame you for wanting your pound of flesh…… btw. But at this point, why stay married, other than to work things out? I don’t think that can be done at this point because I think your feelings are gone for your husband (not only for his cheating, but due to you developing feelings for your AP) and I don’t think they’ll ever return, nor would it be a good idea to let them return if they restarted/- because he’s a proven serial cheater.
And you shouldn’t expect your AP to want a relationship with you because he’s too old for you, he has poor morals just like your husband, and he likely only wants you because while married he gets the milk without buying the cow.


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## Bubblehead (Nov 28, 2012)

Both cheated, and did it willfully. Time to say Bye Bye, move on... Nothing will ever be the same as the day you said I Do..
No fancy statements, epiphany's, magic potion, nothing..


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Diamondvessel said:


> No we do not have kids and we both work. He gets paid more then me but all the bills are split 50/50. Affair partner does not lack in the bedroom and knows how to make me feel desired. He’s romantic and more mature then my husband. I hate to even type that but it’s the truth. That is why I am needing advice!! This is the mess I am dealing with. I should have handled it differently to begin with.


So, here is some advice (that you probably won't take).
Your H cheated MULTIPLE times. You are now cheating and have gotten feelings for your AP.
DIVORCE YOUR H. He can go live HIS life without a wife who cheats, and you can go live YOUR life without a H who cheats. Your relationship with your H has already twisted your person to be a cheater -- do you WANT that for your life?


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Married but Happy said:


> While I don't think a revenge affair is a good idea (and it may eventually lead to guilt), I understand that it could be very, very satisfying. I also think that if a partner breaks the contract they have nullified it and you are released from it as a consequence (legally not so much, but emotionally and morally, perhaps).


Interesting take, just playing devil's advocate here, but you seem to be saying if any part of the marriage contract is broken you're free to do as you please with no moral guilt.

So for all those folk who aren't being honoured with their spouses body. (No sex) it's ok to cheat?


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> He claims he was bored and being selfish. I can see if it was with just with one person but he’s cheated with multiple people numerous of times. I found this out by going through his unattended phone and then confronting him about it. He cried crocodile tears, apologized, and promised he wouldn’t do it again.
> 
> I enjoyed the revenge to the point where I can’t get enough sex from this other man. It’s exhilarating and scandalous all at the same time. My husband doesn’t know about this and I doubt I will come clean about it unless asked. I know it isn’t right, but my body yearns for this other guy sexually. It’s to the point we almost went for round 3 all in one day. My sex drive with my husband has never been on point like this. We’ve been together for 15 years, every since I was 17.
> 
> ...


Would lean toward messed up / judgement compromised.

You are certainly owed your pound of flesh but why stay with your husband? Set aside how great things are with the OM. OM is capitalizing on your vulnerability and need to even the score with your husband. You have said you don't want to leave your husband. What is your plan if he leaves you? Cheaters like to cheat not get cheated on themselves.

What you feel toward your husband isn't love. Not sure what he feels for you but either way betraying the one you claim to love is not love. 

Would suggest you get some individual counselling to try and help you sort through your issues. You should also make a choice soon whether or not you are in your marriage or out. Life is short and all you are doing is wasting your time.

Regarding your OM. If he is willing to cheat with you he is willing to cheat on you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> My opinion: people who cheat want a bigger slice of the pie. They're perfectly happy with being greedy and taking the larger piece while their SO settles for the smaller piece. It makes them feel _*special. *_ When the SO joins the game and grabs the bigger piece, the wayward doesn't feel _*special*_ anymore. Ask any mother who has to make sure she slices the pie equally lest her kids squawk about it.


My mum had a great way of ensuring my brother and I didn't argue over how much cake or whatever it was we had. 
She got one of us to cut and the other to choose. I still remember my brother meticulously cutting it exactly in half so I wouldn't get more than him.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I'm OK with any revenge, _equally_ taken.

That said, any revenge that follows _my serious tort_, thus, is due to me, should be blameworthy swallowed.

_"What thou doest' to others, should not be complained of when it revisits you, in turn"._

Commonly,_ "You reap what you sow"._


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

FIrst of all why would you not want to divorce your husband? You do not love, trust or respect him - so why stay?

Second of all, I do not think this is only about revenge - I think you found that it was quite enjoyable to have some good illicit sex on the side with some guy that makes you feel good - in short this gave you an opportunity to explore cheating and you did and now you like it - so you are just as bad as your husband.

However if you want to have any chance at trying to recover some moral high ground, you need to come clean with him and then divorce him.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Well I guess @Diamondvessel did not like a lot of the answers she received and has not posted in 3 weeks I hope maybe she will come back and provide everyone who took time to try and give her good advice on what has been happening in the past 3 weeks.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Well I guess @Diamondvessel did not like a lot of the answers she received and has not posted in 3 weeks I hope maybe she will come back and provide everyone who took time to try and give her good advice on what has been happening in the past 3 weeks.


She made a new thread today, then quickly deleted the content. She complained that her partner doesn't like when she goes out all day, gets pampered head to toe, and intentionally refuses to text him because she "doesn't like to".


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

bobert said:


> She made a new thread today, then quickly deleted the content. She complained that her partner doesn't like when she goes out all day, gets pampered head to toe, and intentionally refuses to text him because she "doesn't like to".


Didn't see that. thanks


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## ThreeHundo (Sep 20, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> Yes he may figure out eventually if I continue on with this affair.
> 
> We’ve been together for so long and he’s all I’ve known. Besides the cheating, we do get along. If we were to divorce, I feel he would be lost in the world without me. I’ve always been the responsible and dependent person in the relationship.
> 
> ...


Uh, no. You don’t love your husband. It’s pretty clear you resent him and that this marriage is over. He just doesn’t know it yet, but you do. You are a cheater and no better than him. Disgusting.


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## justaguylookingforhelp (Nov 4, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> I am new here and read quite a few threads. I will not make two separate posts, but would like to ask both of my questions here.
> 
> Q1. Have you ever fell out of love with your spouse and regained that spark back? If so, how long did it take you to rekindle the flame?
> 
> ...


1. Sort of. My now ex and I separated for a year, not really knowing if we were going to get back together or not. We did get back together and things were good for a few years, but then fell apart again (she's a serial cheater so it was probably my fault to think that would change). So the answer is yes, but...

2. I have never cheated. I'm not saying that to act as if I deserve a prize, but I have been cheated on so I know the damage it does to someone's psyche. I'd never cheat to get revenge or anything like that. It took me a long time to get to the point where I am now, but I'd leave. In my experience, people who cheat once will cheat again. At the minimum, you'll have an extremely hard time trusting them and will drive yourself crazy. It isn't worth it.


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## JWakk (Sep 14, 2020)

Diamondvessel said:


> I am new here and read quite a few threads. I will not make two separate posts, but would like to ask both of my questions here.
> 
> Q1. Have you ever fell out of love with your spouse and regained that spark back? If so, how long did it take you to rekindle the flame?
> 
> ...


I sympathise with you and do understand what you say and yes peoples love for each other does change after a few years and it becomes more about closeness and caring and working together for the good of the family you never lost the spark it just changes this is what most couple don't seem to realise. Marriage is about commitment to making and sharing a life together about agreeing to disagree on many things, communication about everything you feel like or don't like and finding compromises for the rest. 

Cheating in any situation is the most horrible thing that can happen to anyone man or woman as it destroys your self worth. I don't condone it in any situation but you also need to look at the choices you made as if your husband was a flirt with women before you married him that was a major Red Flag and you should have not married him but if not then you need to figure out why he cheated or just leave him and go find someone who will value you as a person.

Someone made a quote the other day on here and it is perfect to read and so truthful.
IF A MAN LOVES A WOMANS SOUL HE WILL END UP WITH HER FOR LIFE, BUT IF HE LOVES HER FOR HER BODY OR FACE ALL THE WOMEN IN THE WORLD WON'T SATISFY HIM"


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

JWakk said:


> IF A MAN LOVES A WOMANS SOUL HE WILL END UP WITH HER FOR LIFE, BUT IF HE LOVES HER FOR HER BODY OR FACE ALL THE WOMEN IN THE WORLD WON'T SATISFY HIM"


Well, you put me in a problem.
Till the end, I loved all of her, no exceptions, no distinctions.
And yes, she was the only one.
And will probably be so while I stay alive.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Your husband will eventually find out and he will leave you. You'll be alone while he moves on with someone else.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Diamondvessel said:


> enjoyed the revenge to the point where I can’t get enough sex from this other man. It’s exhilarating and scandalous all at the same time. My husband doesn’t know about this and I doubt I will come clean about it unless asked. I know it isn’t right, but my body yearns for this other guy sexually. It’s to the point we almost went for round 3 all in one day. My sex drive with my husband has never been on point like this. We’ve been together for 15 years, every since I was 17.


You are having a high from getting back at your husband, and realizing that your AP pushes all of the right buttons. Maybe like hysterical bonding? You are addicted. Addictions usualky don’t end well.

Your husband divorced you, but didnt bother with the paperwork. Sad but understandable that you have become just like him. Two peas in a pod. Are you proud and happy with yourself? Tell your husband you want a divorce and that you found another who is more fun. Being ethical will make you happier in the long run.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Having experienced the desire to go out and cheat myself after I found out about my husband's cheating, it was something crazy that kept going through my mind with the thought that it would help me heal and feel better. Luckily I ignored it and did not do it. But at least in my case it was like my subconscious was telling me to it would help me heal.
> 
> On another note, sometimes human nature has a strong drive for revenge. Revenge is a bad idea, it's like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. It seldom works. But it's part of human nature and when a person is weak because of serious emotional injury, they often give into this aspect of human nature.
> 
> I just don't think that a revenge affair is as bad as the original spouse cheating. It's like the original cheating spouse pushed a boulder down the mountain side. They cannot then get to complain when it lands where they did not want it to land. That's just MHO.


Yep....I had the same thoughts.

I never did it but it would've served by scumbag ex right. In fact, he was so paranoid that it could happen (rich since his ex was on the side for our entire 13 years) that he demanded to know if I was "cheating" on him after the divorce had already been filed.

Cheaters are entitled that way.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

thunderchad said:


> Your husband will eventually find out and he will leave you. You'll be alone while he moves on with someone else.


It would be horrible if her cheater hb moved on 😅

Seriously....you either need to read the whole story or spend less time on red pill.

I recommendation both.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Diamondvessel said:


> He claims he was bored and being selfish. I can see if it was with just with one person but he’s cheated with multiple people numerous of times. I found this out by going through his unattended phone and then confronting him about it. He cried crocodile tears, apologized, and promised he wouldn’t do it again.
> 
> I enjoyed the revenge to the point where I can’t get enough sex from this other man. It’s exhilarating and scandalous all at the same time. My husband doesn’t know about this and I doubt I will come clean about it unless asked. I know it isn’t right, but my body yearns for this other guy sexually. It’s to the point we almost went for round 3 all in one day. My sex drive with my husband has never been on point like this. We’ve been together for 15 years, every since I was 17.
> 
> ...


I totally and completely understand, I am 59 (female) and was married 24 years. My ex was not satisfying in bed. He was a one-timer and done in 5 minutes and then was crashed. he did not like to experiment and I quit trying to get him to do something new. He loved porn, couldn't get enough of wanting the attention of other women but sure didn't want to try to make things good in bedroom with me, although I think he thought he was a stud listing to him talk to our counselor. Other things dissolved the marriage, divorced over 5 years ago. I have now been with a man for the past 2 1/2 years that I cannot get enough of. He does satisfy my needs, he likes to experiment, we can talk about sex and we are very open with one another. I feel very comfortable with this.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

I just don't understand why spme guys would rather watch porn and jerk off than **** their wives.


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> OP, woman to woman......
> 
> I think you should file for divorce. First of all, your hb has poor character and is a lying serial cheat. You'll never trust him again, nor should you. The fact that he leans on you to adult means you don't respect him. This is all understandable
> 
> ...


So I have to agree with alot that has been said .. I am in a marriage with a extremely unfaithful husband and have just kept trying to "FIX" us or "CHANGE ME SO HE WANTED ME AGAIN" and I have had offers and wanted to get revenge but just couldn't ever bring Myself to do that because no matter what he has done I still want to protect myself and wouldn't be able to be in any type of intimate relationship with anyone else I just can't bring myself to let someone close enough to be able to hurt me... But I will say if it made you feel better and helped you to heal from the intense pain your husband caused good for you.. Everyone grieves in their own way and heals in their own time .. My husband has admitted to others .. Woman on social media and even worse.. I saw so many messages saying that he isn't "IN LOVE" with me anymore.. Or even better "he has a roommate" and what I think has become my favorite " She's a good person and I don't want to hurt her" that ones so wonderful considering he's messaging other woman this about me and ultimately KiLLiNg me with the hurt he is causing over and over. Back to the point at hand though I would really consider the outcome of telling him about your revenge affair and do what feels right for yourself but please be honest with him about how you feel and that your no longer in love with him, you both deserve a chance to be with a partner that is head over heels in love with you, committed to you, and can't even begin to think about being with anyone else .. Give him and yourself the chance to be in a loving happy relationship


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> So I have to agree with alot that has been said .. I am in a marriage with a extremely unfaithful husband and have just kept trying to "FIX" us or "CHANGE ME SO HE WANTED ME AGAIN" and I have had offers and wanted to get revenge but just couldn't ever bring Myself to do that because no matter what he has done I still want to protect myself and wouldn't be able to be in any type of intimate relationship with anyone else I just can't bring myself to let someone close enough to be able to hurt me... But I will say if it made you feel better and helped you to heal from the intense pain your husband caused good for you.. Everyone grieves in their own way and heals in their own time .. My husband has admitted to others .. Woman on social media and even worse.. I saw so many messages saying that he isn't "IN LOVE" with me anymore.. Or even better "he has a roommate" and what I think has become my favorite " She's a good person and I don't want to hurt her" that ones so wonderful considering he's messaging other woman this about me and ultimately KiLLiNg me with the hurt he is causing over and over. Back to the point at hand though I would really consider the outcome of telling him about your revenge affair and do what feels right for yourself but please be honest with him about how you feel and that your no longer in love with him, you both deserve a chance to be with a partner that is head over heels in love with you, committed to you, and can't even begin to think about being with anyone else .. Give him and yourself the chance to be in a loving happy relationship


Get out. My wife divorced her ex serial cheating POS after 10 yrs. She met me 4 months after leaving him, divorce final 2 months later and we married 7 mo after. 

That was 25 yrs ago. Life is great. She said she never knew what truly being loved was until me and she would go through all of the heart break again to get back to me if she had to.

You can find so much better.


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