# why i LOVE men ...............



## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

Hi. Everybody, I am pretty new here. I wanted to start this thread because there are so many who might disagree. I used to never think this way. My DH allowed me to be a SAHM for our four children 15 years ago. I used to think that was his role to provide and then mine was to raise them. We were actually pretty cool with the traditional roles handed to us.

We do still love the traditional roles. But lately, on my own, carried away female thinking, where would we be without our beloved men. I know, I know, it's not PC to talk about it but for example,...if we got lost who do we call? our DH or DB for directions. If we get a flat on the freeway...who do we call? Our men to help us. Who has the foeresight and knowledge to advise us on logical decisions to be made. We sooooo love that they are bigger and stronger to protect us from danger. Most importantly, most of them work themselves to the bone. They provide shelter, food, clothing, wisdom, and if they are great men, love.....thank God for the men in our lives........


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Annagarret,
Thank you so much for your post. There are some men that are truly doorknobs, but there are a great many others who really do try to make a difference in the lives of the women we love. Your post touched my heart. Thanks so much.


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

Your welcome. I just get real tired of all the husband bashing in the world. Women can be two-faced. We want independence of men but where would the world be without men! They are the ones that do the heavy, dangerous working in this world that women don't! They give up so much freedom when they get married to us too. Sorry I am rambling, I didn't realize these things until I took off my tainted feminist glasses and started to see the world through my DH eyes


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

If more people could understand and celebrate the differences and how important they are to each other.......


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

This is true. Men are very good to have around but there are some jerks out there, just the same as there are some *****es out there. I was also a SAHM mom for many years while my husband worked. While it appeared on the outside that he was the great provider, this was his cover to have endless affairs while I stayed home. I raised the kids, I took care of the home and he was out screwing anything he could. Now, I have a college education and I am bettering myself. Somneday I do hope to find a real man because I am fully confident they are still out there...somewhere.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

annagarrett,

Our most endearing feature is that we're brazenly imperfect and resistant to change. That means our women (who love projects) have a lifetime of work to do.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

(said in a little girl voice)

Oh I'll change him!!! I'll make him better!!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> (said in a little girl voice)
> 
> Oh I'll change him!!! I'll make him better!!


Only causing more frustration for both of them! 

( said in a mature woman's voice)

I'll accept him the way he is! I want him to be happy!


I like good and responsible men. 

I like good and responsible women!


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> Only causing more frustration for both of them!
> 
> ( said in a mature woman's voice)
> 
> ...


That's right greenpearl, I am finding, and I am only 39, that most women are never,ever satisfied with what their husbands say and do. They live their entire married life focused on the flaws in their husbands and not his strengths. Frankly, I am tired of it. That's why I wanted to find out if there were any other women who thought like this. I can't be the only one out there. Personally I think the feminist movement went way to far and it has contributed to a lot of unhappy women and even unhappier men.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

annagarret,

Finally, a woman who validates what every husband throughout history has known!! A man can crap diamonds and they'll complain about the cut or want emeralds instead. Women try to change their men. It's not that they seriously want the changes they seek. It's like dogs chasing trucks. Dogs don't drive and they have no place they need to go but the fun is in the pursuit.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Isn't it about accepting each others differences? Men and women are different and we can be stronger as we learn to accept and embrace our differences. I firmly believe that men and women are stronger together (ie in a marriage) than they are individually.

Someone once told me that being different is not the same as being deffective. Sometimes we look at our spouse and see that they do things differently than the way we would do it, or they think differently than us. We may have a tendency to think that way of acting or thinking is deffective when really, it is just different. Lets embrace and learn from our differences. Thanks annagarret for bringing up this topic.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

annagarret said:


> That's right greenpearl, I am finding, and I am only 39, that most women are never,ever satisfied with what their husbands say and do. They live their entire married life focused on the flaws in their husbands and not his strengths. Frankly, I am tired of it. That's why I wanted to find out if there were any other women who thought like this. I can't be the only one out there. Personally I think the feminist movement went way to far and it has contributed to a lot of unhappy women and even unhappier men.


I don't disagree, but I do think that it is a two-way street. It is not only women being dissatisfied with their husbands, but also goes a lot the other way too. I agree with what Riverside said above - it is about accepting each other's differences - even celebrating those differences as men and women. 

"_Our greatest strength as a human race is our ability to acknowledge our differences, our greatest weakness is our failure to embrace them_." ~J. Henderson


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I accept that dogs chase cars but I don't feel the need to run along with them.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

annagarret said:


> Hi. Everybody, I am pretty new here. I wanted to start this thread because there are so many who might disagree. I used to never think this way. My DH allowed me to be a SAHM for our four children 15 years ago. I used to think that was his role to provide and then mine was to raise them. We were actually pretty cool with the traditional roles handed to us.
> 
> We do still love the traditional roles. But lately, on my own, carried away female thinking, where would we be without our beloved men. I know, I know, it's not PC to talk about it but for example,...if we got lost who do we call? our DH or DB for directions. If we get a flat on the freeway...who do we call? Our men to help us. Who has the foeresight and knowledge to advise us on logical decisions to be made. We sooooo love that they are bigger and stronger to protect us from danger. Most importantly, most of them work themselves to the bone. They provide shelter, food, clothing, wisdom, and if they are great men, love.....thank God for the men in our lives........


 
My life sounds very similar to yours, been staying home for 21 yrs, a handful of jobs along the way but never necessary & we have 6 kids. I am very thankful to be able to stay home, and I love being a woman, wife & Mom. I would never want to change roles with my husband, never never never. I see my role very very very EASY in comparison to his. I feel amazingly blessed. 

I also LOVE MEN, especially these old fashioned types who want to provide, be there for us - to protect us & shelter us, my husband would not feel like a man if he could not do this for his family. I am especially thankful for his attitude & work ethic. He doesn't even get mad when I mess something up- yesterday I hit something & broke the Lawn Tractor belt, I was fuming -so upset at myself & he just smiles. I break the belt, causing him extra work & he is calming me down. What a guy. 


I Love being a SAHM, I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, organizing, schedule all appointments, shop for the best deals, plan our vacations, make all calls, pay all the bills, keep the calendar & the checkbook- almost like a secretary to keep our house running smoothly.

I see this role as what I was created for (for now anyway) in my life. Plus it makes my husband's life easier & more carefree , so when he hits the door after a hard days work, he is happy to be here, always a little one yelling with delight "Daddy's home"! And nobody is more happy than Mommy!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Thanks annagarret. 

Your post was well timed for me.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

annagarret said:


> Hi. Everybody, I am pretty new here. I wanted to start this thread because there are so many who might disagree. I used to never think this way. My DH allowed me to be a SAHM for our four children 15 years ago. I used to think that was his role to provide and then mine was to raise them. We were actually pretty cool with the traditional roles handed to us.
> 
> We do still love the traditional roles. But lately, on my own, carried away female thinking, where would we be without our beloved men. I know, I know, it's not PC to talk about it but for example,...if we got lost who do we call? our DH or DB for directions. If we get a flat on the freeway...who do we call? Our men to help us. Who has the foeresight and knowledge to advise us on logical decisions to be made. We sooooo love that they are bigger and stronger to protect us from danger. Most importantly, most of them work themselves to the bone. They provide shelter, food, clothing, wisdom, and if they are great men, love.....thank God for the men in our lives........



quite well timed for me.

because when I had a flat, or got lost, or needed help on a logical decision the last person I called or went to was my husband. why? because I couldn't depend on him...for anything. 

I needed to remember that right now.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I once got a panicked call to come home for a family emergency...which was a mouse. I said no. There are some things I can't be bothered with. We're talking 90+ minutes door 2 door travel time. Hell with that. Gas the whole building f^ck if I care.


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## Dylan (Jul 1, 2011)

i love being able to count on my husband.he will take care of us no matter what.it gives me the motivation to do things to take care of him like cooking and laundry and ironing his clothes.i hate housework so i pay for maids from money from my job that i would normally spend on stuff i don't need.
i love knowing while i'm inside cooking his dinner he is outside in the yard doing things to make our house look pretty with landscaping and mowing the grass.he makes me feel protected and i know he would do anything for me.if you love a man right he will take a bullet for you.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

annagarret said:


> That's right greenpearl, I am finding, and I am only 39, that most women are never,ever satisfied with what their husbands say and do. They live their entire married life focused on the flaws in their husbands and not his strengths. Frankly, I am tired of it. That's why I wanted to find out if there were any other women who thought like this. I can't be the only one out there. Personally I think the feminist movement went way to far and it has contributed to a lot of unhappy women and even unhappier men.


We share very similar opinion!  I am 38!


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> My life sounds very similar to yours, been staying home for 21 yrs, a handful of jobs along the way but never necessary & we have 6 kids. I am very thankful to be able to stay home, and I love being a woman, wife & Mom. I would never want to change roles with my husband, never never never. I see my role very very very EASY in comparison to his. I feel amazingly blessed.
> 
> I also LOVE MEN, especially these old fashioned types who want to provide, be there for us - to protect us & shelter us, my husband would not feel like a man if he could not do this for his family. I am especially thankful for his attitude & work ethic. He doesn't even get mad when I mess something up- yesterday I hit something & broke the Lawn Tractor belt, I was fuming -so upset at myself & he just smiles. I break the belt, causing him extra work & he is calming me down. What a guy.
> 
> ...


That is beautiful!!! I bet your husband is one of the happiest guys in the world! Maybe as wives we can start a new trend. Welcoming home our husbands everday with lots of thanks, kisses, and a cold beer! Let's see which wife is the best!!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

LOL. . .my ex-wife never brought me a cold drink when I was working in the yard. Never once.

You can bet our first born needed a juice, he didn't have to wait 45 seconds to have a hand delivery.

The only woman who ever thought to bring me a drink was my mother-in-law.

Such a simple gesture. . .and I remember it from 13 years ago.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

And Ladies, when we gulp it down like Harrison Ford in _Witness_, when Kelly McGillis brought him a lemonade in the barn, it doesn't mean we are ungrateful. . .it just means we're men.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> My life sounds very similar to yours, been staying home for 21 yrs, a handful of jobs along the way but never necessary & we have 6 kids. I am very thankful to be able to stay home, and I love being a woman, wife & Mom. I would never want to change roles with my husband, never never never. I see my role very very very EASY in comparison to his. I feel amazingly blessed.
> 
> I also LOVE MEN, especially these old fashioned types who want to provide, be there for us - to protect us & shelter us, my husband would not feel like a man if he could not do this for his family. I am especially thankful for his attitude & work ethic. He doesn't even get mad when I mess something up- yesterday I hit something & broke the Lawn Tractor belt, I was fuming -so upset at myself & he just smiles. I break the belt, causing him extra work & he is calming me down. What a guy.
> 
> ...





annagarret said:


> That is beautiful!!! I bet your husband is one of the happiest guys in the world! Maybe as wives we can start a new trend. Welcoming home our husbands everday with lots of thanks, kisses, and a cold beer! Let's see which wife is the best!!


SA and anna ~

You both sound like such wonderful wives and mothers - such wonderful women! I SALUTE you!!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> LOL. . .my ex-wife never brought me a cold drink when I was working in the yard. Never once.
> 
> You can bet our first born needed a juice, he didn't have to wait 45 seconds to have a hand delivery.
> 
> ...


I think we should all try to remember that sometimes it's the smallest gestures that can make the biggest difference. It's often the little, everyday things that can really show you care, huh?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Enchantment said:


> SA and anna ~
> 
> You both sound like such wonderful wives and mothers - such wonderful women! I SALUTE you!!


I used to be a better Mom than a wife, now I am a better wife than a Mom. I guess I need some balance. I used to hang out at parenting forums, now I am at a Marraige forum. My kids love me but I am pretty strict and I don't dote on them at all. But this is probably a good thing, I encourange them to have many friends & enjoy their youth. I am pretty lenient to a point, if they cross me, I am not at all nice. I literally am worthless to helping them with homework, I hate it, I let my husband do it. He is very good about that. 

I surely have my faults, but I am good to my Man. I seen on one of my threads Mommy22 said she was like the Little House on the Prairer Mom (I loved that show when I was younger!) , oh my, that is So sweet, I think I salute those Moms, but that is so NOT me. I have my sweet moments I suppose but I could never be like that 24/7. I am too rough around the edges.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SA,

You are ONE WONDERFUL WOMAN!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

annagarret said:


> That is beautiful!!! I bet your husband is one of the happiest guys in the world! Maybe as wives we can start a new trend. Welcoming home our husbands everday with lots of thanks, kisses, and a cold beer! Let's see which wife is the best!!


ANNA,

I tried to search for a happy wife forum. 

So far I haven't found any. 

Let's not compete who is the best wife, but let's share ideas how to make our spouses happy!

Me lingering here on TAM is not that good for me! 

Sometimes it is a little breeze for me when I see a happy wife posts good things about her husband or a happy husband posts good things about his wife!


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

Green Pearl, so true, so true...I never meant for any anymosity (sp) between spouses. I just wanted to express thanks for men, and all they put up with, expecially us. I used to be a big feminist in college and the first 5 years of marriage. I fortunatley(sp) realized that seeking your own and only your own pleasure in marriage is actually self-defeating. One brings down the whole unit. I wanted to be the kind of woman my husband wanted and more importantly, a woman who he wanted to come home to and stay home to. So I decided to change myself. One is always growing and changing in marriage. Change begins with one.


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I used to be a better Mom than a wife, now I am a better wife than a Mom. I guess I need some balance. I used to hang out at parenting forums, now I am at a Marraige forum. My kids love me but I am pretty strict and I don't dote on them at all. But this is probably a good thing, I encourange them to have many friends & enjoy their youth. I am pretty lenient to a point, if they cross me, I am not at all nice. I literally am worthless to helping them with homework, I hate it, I let my husband do it. He is very good about that.
> 
> I surely have my faults, but I am good to my Man. I seen on one of my threads Mommy22 said she was like the Little House on the Prairer Mom (I loved that show when I was younger!) , oh my, that is So sweet, I think I salute those Moms, but that is so NOT me. I have my sweet moments I suppose but I could never be like that 24/7. I am too rough around the edges.


I know what you mean. I think as wives and mothers we go through different seasons. We are 40 and 39 and our oldest is 18 and our youngest is 9 and we both have been feeling enormous freedom recently. It's like a second honey moon. I don't know, I mean life is so short and we are still so in love with each other....I have def. been into my hubby more than our kids lately....such is life..and I love it!


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

Dylan said:


> i love being able to count on my husband.he will take care of us no matter what.it gives me the motivation to do things to take care of him like cooking and laundry and ironing his clothes.i hate housework so i pay for maids from money from my job that i would normally spend on stuff i don't need.
> i love knowing while i'm inside cooking his dinner he is outside in the yard doing things to make our house look pretty with landscaping and mowing the grass.he makes me feel protected and i know he would do anything for me.if you love a man right he will take a bullet for you.


YES, YES....You and your husband sound like you have it going on too!!! It is awesome, amidst all the gender fighting that there are couples who so make it work!! Great Job!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

annagarret said:


> Green Pearl, so true, so true...I never meant for any anymosity (sp) between spouses. I just wanted to express thanks for men, and all they put up with, expecially us. I used to be a big feminist in college and the first 5 years of marriage. I fortunatley(sp) realized that seeking your own and only your own pleasure in marriage is actually self-defeating. One brings down the whole unit. I wanted to be the kind of woman my husband wanted and more importantly, a woman who he wanted to come home to and stay home to. So I decided to change myself. One is always growing and changing in marriage. Change begins with one.


That's very wonderful of you for realizing that. 

A lot of women are still struggling. 

They don't know why their husbands are not sweet to them. 

My husband says feminists are like men! Sexually is a big turn off! Emotionally is a big turn off! 

Yes, when we are being sweet and make our homes welcoming for our husbands to come, they are just happy to come home. They can't wait to come to their sweet harbor. 

We are their harbor just like they are our harbor. 

No men or women want to go home to miserable spouses. 

No people want to be around miserable people! 

We are lucky to have responsible and happy husbands coming to us, but we know we are working hard to achieve that goal. 

Well balanced wives are what men are searching for!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

annagarret said:


> I just wanted to express thanks for men, and all they put up with, expecially us. I used to be a big feminist in college and the first 5 years of marriage. I fortunatley(sp) realized that seeking your own and only your own pleasure in marriage is actually self-defeating. One brings down the whole unit. I wanted to be the kind of woman my husband wanted and more importantly, a woman who he wanted to come home to and stay home to. So I decided to change myself. One is always growing and changing in marriage. Change begins with one.


I believe you could be VERY enlightening to this forum Anna -- Just because you have grown in your understanding in this area-you have swapped views, of coarse it helps if you have a loving husband beside you. Many do not, so they are coming from a whole nother perspective-and how could we blame them really. I never went to college, I was never a feminist. I always dreamed of my Prince entering my life, getting married & being barefoot & pregnant, and basically this has been my life (including the barefeet). I am not the type to sit home & crochet or make booties, but crazy as I am, I am still very old fashioned. Even if I listen to head banging metal & enjoy Southpark. 

In my personal life, it was always the women who seemed to let me down, not the men. I've always loved the boys, I even gravitated to all my girlfriends brothers growing up . My 1st best friend was a boy too-even though I had more girls to play with, I preferred him the most. He taught me to ride my bike, we did everything together (we were bad!) we buried our parents jewelry near a crickbank, we used to climb trees together & show off our privates, we were always getting in trouble, you could hear the parents screaming our names. I am glad my boys are not THIS mischievous Ha ha . Funny memories. Then he moved away (probably a blessing). 

Then when I met my boyfriend/now husband, I suddenly had little desire to hang with my girlfriends , they used to get so mad at me cause I never wanted to do anything -unless I brought him. And I am still alot like this today. 




annagarret said:


> I know what you mean. I think as wives and mothers we go through different seasons. We are 40 and 39 and our oldest is 18 and our youngest is 9 and we both have been feeling enormous freedom recently. It's like a second honey moon. I don't know, I mean life is so short and we are still so in love with each other....I have def. been into my hubby more than our kids lately....such is life..and I love it!


I could have written what you just did here. You are probably right about these seasons. Each one of my babies got special treatment from MOM, so those early years were full of love & doting, and me too, once I got an IUD & hit my early 40's , I went NUTS for the husband, and loved getting away from the kids. I SMILE when school starts, enjoy sending them to camp, Love taking little planned overnight vacations just the 2 of us. We never did this our entire marraige. But we do now! It helps my oldest can watch them (he is 20, my youngest 4). 

BUt at the same time, I LOVE having a house full of chaos & children, I KNOW this I will also miss someday (terribly), so grab it all now, cherish every moment. 



> 'We have this moment to hold in our hands. And to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand. Yesterday's gone & tomorrow may never come, but we have this moment today".


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> The only woman who ever thought to bring me a drink was my mother-in-law.


Ethylene glycol.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yeah, the lemonade did have a greenish tint to it, come to think.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

annagarret said:


> Green Pearl, so true, so true...I never meant for any anymosity (sp) between spouses. I just wanted to express thanks for men, and all they put up with, expecially us. I used to be a big feminist in college and the first 5 years of marriage. I fortunatley(sp) realized that seeking your own and only your own pleasure in marriage is actually self-defeating. One brings down the whole unit. I wanted to be the kind of woman my husband wanted and more importantly, a woman who he wanted to come home to and stay home to. So I decided to change myself. One is always growing and changing in marriage. Change begins with one.


Such a true sentiment you state above.

It's taken me several days to mull over this post. I love my husband with all my heart, but we definitely have had our ups and downs.

I have always been a working girl, never been a SAHM. I don't know any other life. My mom had a law degree and worked off and on while I was growing up. She married a super traditional man in my father. It was understood that I would go to college and be able to provide support for myself, if need be. I never saw myself as a feminist - was never taught that you don't need a man - was just taught that you need to be able to provide for yourself if necessary.

My H was pretty much raised in the same way. He came from a large family and everybody had to work to make ends meet - including the kids and his mom.

When we married, there weren't even any discussions about our roles - we just seemed to assume them. We were both used to taking care of ourselves at that point. We have had to learn to take care of each other. 

But, the reason I love him - he always has my back, he bends over backwards sometimes to do things for me, he is the one standing at the door with a kiss and a smile and a cold one when I come home, he fearlessly jumps in helping to raise our kids, he does things for me and our kids that I know don't make him the most comfortable at times - yet he stands as the head of our household - the one we admire and depend on. His shoulders are strong and there is nothing greater than to lean my head on them and feel his arms around me.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

well someone has to get the big icky bugs, im not touching it, or going to be in the same room with it either.

who else would set up the printer, the wii, the x-box, the i-pod all on wi-fi i just dont have the patience for the set up, im like i want to push a button and have things work.

we used to live in michigan and let me tell you, it gets cold, im not putting gas in the car...and i hate walking across a hot parking lot in a dress and 4 inch heels...

those grocerys can get awful heavy, im a strong woman, i can carry about 30-40 pounds of grocerys [those re-use bags can hold a lot] but if husband is with me he will carry most of the bags, and walk next to the street...

he holds doors, my umbrella, open car doors and chairs. im not weak and helpless nor am i a wimpy little twit who dosent know up from down..i am strong and capable woman...but its nice to feel loved and taken care of once in a while.

i take care of everyone, he takes care of me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Got damn why do people keep necro'ing these old threads from months ago?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

annagarret said:


> Hi. Everybody, I am pretty new here. I wanted to start this thread because there are so many who might disagree. I used to never think this way. My DH allowed me to be a SAHM for our four children 15 years ago. I used to think that was his role to provide and then mine was to raise them. We were actually pretty cool with the traditional roles handed to us. I am glad that some women can find happiness in traditional roles. :smthumbup:The feminist movement was supposed to be about choices, not shaming women for choosing a marriage and child centred life.
> 
> We do still love the traditional roles. But lately, on my own, carried away female thinking, where would we be without our beloved men. I know, I know, it's not PC to talk about it but for example,...if we got lost who do we call? our DH or DB for directions.Maybe that is what you do, but some women can actually read maps and figure things out without a man's help. If we get a flat on the freeway...who do we call? Our men to help us.I don't even _drive _and I can change a flat. Some female members might take an issue with the way you are implying that women need men to do everything. There are many men find independence sexy, like mine. :smthumbup: Who has the foeresight and knowledge to advise us on logical decisions to be made. We sooooo love that they are bigger and stronger to protect us from danger.Before I met my husband, I protected myself. He would not have married me if I could not do anything on my own. Most importantly, most of them work themselves to the bone. They provide shelter, food, clothing, wisdom, and if they are great men, love.....thank God for the men in our lives........


I am grateful to my husband for the way he does not seek to control me like I am his child. Despite the fact that we have a nearly ten year age difference, there is absolutely no belittling based on this. In my eyes, there is nothing wrong with appreciating our husbands for what they do and I agree that many women neglect to do so. Be careful about the assumptions and generalizations though. Those can be more offensive than being grateful for our men. 

Not every woman is a SAHM who depends on her husband for everything. In fact, most wives work outside the home and even buy their own clothing, pay bills and contribute to the cost of shelter. Before I met my husband, I had a full life without him or any other man to take care of me. He was very impressed by my strength and resilience.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

FirstYearDown said:


> I am grateful to my husband for the way he does not seek to control me like I am his child. Despite the fact that we have a nearly ten year age difference, there is absolutely no belittling based on this. In my eyes, there is nothing wrong with appreciating our husbands for what they do and I agree that many women neglect to do so. Be careful about the assumptions and generalizations though. Those can be more offensive than being grateful for our men.
> 
> Not every woman is a SAHM who depends on her husband for everything. In fact, most wives work outside the home and even buy their own clothing, pay bills and contribute to the cost of shelter. Before I met my husband, I had a full life without him or any other man to take care of me. He was very impressed by my strength and resilience.


I did not see this as generalizing -she is simply giving her personal story & how she feels (as we all do on here), even going above & beyond saying many may disagree with her- at the start. For some of us who feel this way, there is no controlling going on at all ... it is simply admiration & thankfulness-for our men & their presence in our lives. 

I met my husband in my teens, I was not independent by any means, I was dealing with alot at home with my Step Mother, she treated me pretty nastily - even admitted as such yrs later for what she put me through- her own kids do not even speak to her -but I do.... we get along very well now. I think I have blocked some of it out even , but my husband remembers...used to really bother him how I was treated. 

He took me home on my 18th birthday only to find her & my dad had my entire bedroom outside on the porch, I was done living there & told once I left, I was not to come back. Since he was in my life, it just didn't matter, he would catch my every fall. 

I had friends....I had a job... I had a car.... but having him just made it all so much easier. He really is the one who showed me what Love was about - cause I was truly a young girl with some pi**ed off chips on her shoulder about her family life. 

He gave me *hope* for a better future... we could build our own family someday. 

Having him around during my difficult teen years, where some may have rebelled, He helped me stay strong, knowing it was just a "season". Just him being there for me, what a difference it made . 

Alone we were not complete somehow- he would say the same .... but together, we felt "whole".

Forever thankful for all he has done & how he has blessed my life.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I wasn't saying that you or anyone else was controlled, SA. I was only complimenting the way my husband does not do that to *me*. I appreciate the fact he respects me enough not to treat me like a child, the way some men have in my past. Hopefully, you understand that I never meant to imply that your husband bosses you about. 

Since annagarret stated that all women call their men when they are lost, she is making a generalization. Not everybody is the same. Some women feel comfortable as SAHM's and others cannot find fullfilment and happiness in motherhood as a career. What I would like to see is more respect given to the work that SAHM's do. 

I think people need to feel complete alone, before they marry. My husband has certainly added joy to my life, but I did not need him to complete my growth as a human being.


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> I wasn't saying that you or anyone else was controlled, SA. I was only complimenting the way my husband does not do that to *me*. I appreciate the fact he respects me enough not to treat me like a child, the way some men have in my past. Hopefully, you understand that I never meant to imply that your husband bosses you about.
> 
> Since annagarret stated that all women call their men when they are lost, she is making a generalization. Not everybody is the same. Some women feel comfortable as SAHM's and others cannot find fullfilment and happiness in motherhood as a career. What I would like to see is more respect given to the work that SAHM's do.
> 
> I think people need to feel complete alone, before they marry. My husband has certainly added joy to my life, but I did not need him to complete my growth as a human being.


why are you targeting me?? and arent' men great?????


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> annagarret,
> 
> Finally, a woman who validates what every husband throughout history has known!! A man can crap diamonds and they'll complain about the cut or want emeralds instead. Women try to change their men. It's not that they seriously want the changes they seek. It's like dogs chasing trucks. Dogs don't drive and they have no place they need to go but the fun is in the pursuit.


How does her post validate that?


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

why is it so hard for women to validate men.....why the resistance, MEN built this country and gave up their freedom.........


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Who do you think gave birth to these men?:rofl: Are you saying that women had no role in making the U.S what it is today?

Annagarret, when you post words on a forum, you leave them open for whatever opinions people have. Just as you have a right to post your ideas, I am at liberty to comment on them. I have not made any personal attacks. I have only asked that you acknowledge that not all women need their men to do *everything *for them. Want and need are different. 

If you read my posts properly, you would know that I appreciate my husband more than words can express. He is a loving, patient and kind man who respects me.

My issue is that you assumed that women cannot do certain things without a man's help. Contrary to popular belief, there are women who can *gasp* read a map and change a flat. Most independent women had full lives long before they met their husbands. Not every woman is just like you.

Appreciation and admiration for our husband's does not have to include complete dependence on them. My husband gently guided me towards learning to trust him and let my guard down. I was a cynical and hardened woman when we met. He made me feel safe enough to become rediscover my softer side. I want to obtain a career, so he is using some of his hard earned money to help me further my education. This makes me want to cry with joy and relief.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

annagarret said:


> why is it so hard for women to validate men.....why the resistance, MEN built this country and gave up their freedom.........


Some people can't give credit to others without thinking it diminishes them in some way.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Conrad and Annagarret have a point.

In a now defunct thread (with probably good reason by the Moderators), Annagarret posted as a female some what I think are very pro-female views that happen to make sense.

She'd make a great VP pick in my Fantasy Presidency. 

But yes, if you feel women of past need acknowledgment, and they do, they did their due in building our country, building it to what it is today.

And what did most of them do?

I wanna hear you say it, FirstYearDown.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

FirstYearDown said:


> My issue is that you assumed that women cannot do certain things without a man's help. Contrary to popular belief, there are women who can *gasp* read a map and change a flat. Most independent women had full lives long before they met their husbands. Not every woman is just like you.


It seems you really look down upon any woman -even gasping yet - who may dare call her husband if she gets a flat tire. I guess I will raise my hand to be the 1st judged here ...... I do call mine ....I am such a weak wretched dependent soul of a wife !!! Simply because he would WANT me to make that call ! He would want to know I broke down alongside of the road- and where , it would just be an automatic thing I would do, one of the few reasons I would call his workplace. 

Doesn't mean he needs to come running, cause generally while I would be dragging that tire out of my trunk, some man will see me trying to do it myself, stop along the road and offer me a hand anyway - cause men are wonderful like that ! 

Now that is what my husband would be worrying about, not that I couldn't do it myself but some other man might stop & give me a hand. A good man worries about his woman, even if she IS capable, he worries who may be around her , what environment she is in, what if I was in a bad section of town, you better believe he would come running! 

It is kinda like being a parent -just cause they leave the nest, does not mean you cease worrying about them, caring about them, and want to help them sometimes, if you learn of it. 

In marraige, I would think it would be a good idea , if you break down -to let the other know exactly where you are , just seems reasonable to me, in case something would happen. 




Conrad said:


> Some people can't give credit to others without thinking it diminishes them in some way.


 I totally understand the spirit in which Anna is speaking -- I seen zero diminishing aspects on women -when she praised her man. Not even a hint.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I wasn't speaking of Anna

It is humorous to hear someone draw a parallel between fixing a flat tire (on a 21st century automobile) with the courage and heroic sacrifice it took to found this nation.

Pass the mustard.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

In a post-feminist world, I would like to see Secretary Hilliary Clinton brag about her diplomatic accomplishments but also brag once in awhile she makes a mean coleslaw for x-mas dinner, that she participates in traditional female culture, and you know what. . .gee whiz that's okay, maybe even healthy.

Or Hilliary says she asked Bill to clean the gutters because she didnt' want to get up on the ladder. Or carry in the x-mas tree.

And SA wasn't drawing a parallel there. . .founding a nation and fixing a flat tire are two different accomplishments.

Behind every forefather, was. . .(I wanna hear someone say it). . .was. . .a woman doing what?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Wasn't referencing Simply Amorous.. she's on point

Look harder.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I'll try. . .


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> It seems you really look down upon any woman -even gasping yet - who may dare call her husband if she gets a flat tire. I don't look down on people for what they do in their marriage. I do, however, look down on those who believe that their experiences are universal. I guess I will raise my hand to be the 1st judged here ...... I do call mine ....I am such a weak wretched dependent soul of a wife !!!You know that I have always liked you, so I don't know where the anger is coming from. Did you hear me call you or anyone else weak? :scratchhead: Simply because he would WANT me to make that call ! He would want to know I broke down alongside of the road- and where , it would just be an automatic thing I would do, one of the few reasons I would call his workplace. I was once alone in this city late at night. The bus I was waiting for was horribly delayed and I called my husband so that he would not be worried. He came and picked me up. I agree that no decent man wants his wife walking around alone at night, especially in a dangerous metropolis. Guess I am "weak" too. Please don't put words in mouth.
> 
> Doesn't mean he needs to come running, cause generally while I would be dragging that tire out of my trunk, some man will see me trying to do it myself, stop along the road and offer me a hand anyway - cause men are wonderful like that !
> Not _all _men are wonderful, SA. The man who hit me with his car LEFT ME IN THE ROAD. He also made a threatening phone call to me and continues to evade the letters from the insurance company, because we are suing him. Too many met sit comfortably on public transit, while elderly people or pregnant ladies stand. You really think that all men are as great as your husband? Get real! The world is full of mean and selfish SOB's.  I have seen much of the darker side of human nature, which gives me a healthy wariness and skepticism.
> ...


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Conrad, if you were referencing me, I would ask that you read my kind and appreciative words about my husband. I posted a fraction of what I love about him in this thread. Just too bad that some people do not take the time to read and comprehend, before replying. 

You may also tell Scannerguard that I will not rise to his bait. He has shown himself to be sexist and volatile. Don't have time for that nonsense. 

Seems like some members think that if a woman does not need a man to do everything for her, she must not appreciate him. Why can't there be a middle ground? So only very traditional women appreciate their men? :scratchhead: Can somebody explain this to me?

I married my husband because being his partner adds a richness to my life. The exhilaration of living alone was intoxicating, however it lacks the same happiness that can only be found in a loving relationship with another adult. I wouldn't trade my five years as a fabulous single for the world because it was an education from the school of life. Hubby needs an articulate and well read woman to challenge him.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Conrad said:


> I wasn't speaking of Anna
> 
> It is humorous to hear someone draw a parallel between fixing a flat tire (on a 21st century automobile) with the courage and heroic sacrifice it took to found this nation.
> 
> Pass the mustard.


The OP made that comparision. I found it odd as well since it takes me about 10 minutes in the rain to change a tire and yet our boys and girls in Iraq just got home two days ago....after 8 years. 

Grey Poupon?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am not angry...I like a good debate, a little conflict ... there are plenty of people here that probably do not care for me.... I have some opinions that are NOT popular here. Some wives would want to cut their men's balls off for some of the things I am OK within my marraige , and some things I may want to divorce over - they find trivial, so truly....to each their own. 

Forums are just a bunch of personal opinions after all, we can gleem some good here, spit out the bad there. I just felt you assumed some things that I don't think was ever intended, and just as yourself, I wanted to give my 2 cents. 

I doubt any of us think all men are wonderful- just as all women are -NOONE on the face of the globe is that clueless. Come on now, gotta take these things in context - we can't all write every intended meaning with such clarity that there is no exceptions, or inclusions, a sentence would need to be as long as a freaking paragragh.... I , for one, already put down too much detail. I try very hard to NOT allow myself to be misunderstood... correct communication IS that important to me. Even if it makes my posts a book at times.

I'll be the 1st to admit, I am kinda biased towards men. Maybe that is a flaw in me. IN my own personal life, I have been hurt MUCH MORE by women, in my family, friends, I have a great husband and my sons are amazing . How can I not LOVE men! (again, not including every man on the face of the globe)


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Glad you are not pissed off. You are one of my online moms.:smthumbup:

Some people are clueless, but you are not one of them. You said that "men are great and one would stop and give me a hand." I do not believe that most people are that kind. Our experiences color our perceptions. I have met too many horrible men and women to think highly of most humans. 

Women have hurt me, but I know that most of that comes from jealousy. Any woman that has stabbed me in the back always lacked something I had. I knew a single mom who loved to make snide remarks about my marriage or my doting husband. She was just green with envy! :rofl:


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I deny I am volatile.

I am controversial (or my opinions are).

And yes, I am sexist (as defined as thinking there are cultural and biological differences in the sexes) in my approach to tackling a question perhaps.

Some of *you* react with volatility to my controversial opinions.

I would say it's fair that many of you are "Neuterists" or maybe "Asexists" is the proper term, since we are in the business of pigeonholing.

I think I would rather BE an sexist than an asexist.

Yes, in fact, I think I am comfortable with that.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> You said that "men are great and one would stop and give me a hand." I do not believe that most people are that kind. Our experiences color our perceptions. I have met too many horrible men and women to think highly of most humans.


 Ha ha you know who you sound like here.....my dear husband.... one of the common phrases we hear alot around this house from him is .........."I hate people", not necessarily in a mean way, but a non-chalent way of him feeling most are complete idiots, wreckless, careless, with no common sense . 

His brother said this on Christmas & they just laughed, cause neither are close, only see each other on Holidays - but it seems to be a common theme in the family, his brother is another common senser . One of our guy friends & my husband sometimes joke about starting an "I hate people" club. 

I kinda even DIG this side of my husbands character -even if that sounds warped, no, we are not clueless by any means. 


Scannergaurd.... I LOVE controversy . Though I am not sure the Mods care for it -probably why your thread went POOF! Bummer !


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

I love the male gender because one of them completes me as a woman...I'm not talking about the wonderful conversation and what he does for me, but the filling of man...No other object on earth could bring me the joy and passion that this man does to me...He not only makes me feel so young, but allows me to let go of the hidden woman within me that has no inhibitions...The one thing about this admittance of great sexual satisfaction, is that years ago I never knew it existed...Thanks to vaginal orgasms and my opening my mind, he awoke the tiger inside me...I am without a doubt, a one man woman...Take care....


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Well thanks for the compliment SA. . .I just try every once in awhile to have a controversial discussion, but a lot of the time, just attempt (although feeblely sometimes) to interject some clowning and comic relief into serious topics.

Just let me know if it gets too much.

I don't do it for attention. . .I do think comic relief is even important in drama in my favorite movies.


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Oh baby , do I second this post ! Love your choice of words here - I am getting ready for my "filling"- after we wind down in a nice bubble bath -- my nightly happiness drill, oh the satisfaction it brings.


SA:...IMO, women get better with age...They need these child raising years behind them...Then all hell breaks loose...Believe me, age is no object....I think that a man is and can be all that a woman makes him or allows him to be....To me, respect, love and best friend = lover....

When we built our home ten years ago we, too, put in a double whirlpool bath...But, the years took their toll...We found that it got more difficult to get out of....So, out went the whirlpool and half shower and two years ago we had a large walk in shower built....I designed it to fit our needs.....Near 10 ft. long with a heavy tiled seat that is the width of the shower at the end...This is a bench which holds two people and is constructed floor to top seat and all tiled to match the decorative design....Along with this we installed three misters on the side plus a 120 inch water wand that reaches the back where the seat is...Then there is the overhead shower head as you come in....On the safety side we had them install handicap bars all the way around...We always shower together...Needless to say this hot action keeps a man very comfortable in his own sexuality...Believe me, I would have never guessed that this type of erotic and lust filled actions happened at this age in life...I had to laugh at one guy's remark on that post that I took off...Said something about it being smut filled or something...The problem being, men do not know how we women think....Once we have dug our way out of the darkness of inhibition, freight and modesty of our true sexual calling, we then touch the gates of heaven....

Enjoy your bubble bath...We waited far too long for these years...Take care...


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

Threetimesalady said:


> SA:...IMO, women get better with age...They need these child raising years behind them...Then all hell breaks loose...Believe me, age is no object....I think that a man is and can be all that a woman makes him or allows him to be....To me, respect, love and best friend = lover....
> 
> When we built our home ten years ago we, too, put in a double whirlpool bath...But, the years took their toll...We found that it got more difficult to get out of....So, out went the whirlpool and half shower and two years ago we had a large walk in shower built....I designed it to fit our needs.....Near 10 ft. long with a heavy tiled seat that is the width of the shower at the end...This is a bench which holds two people and is constructed floor to top seat and all tiled to match the decorative design....Along with this we installed three misters on the side plus a 120 inch water wand that reaches the back where the seat is...Then there is the overhead shower head as you come in....On the safety side we had them install handicap bars all the way around...We always shower together...Needless to say this hot action keeps a man very comfortable in his own sexuality...Believe me, I would have never guessed that this type of erotic and lust filled actions happened at this age in life...I had to laugh at one guy's remark on that post that I took off...Said something about it being smut filled or something...The problem being, men do not know how we women think....Once we have dug our way out of the darkness of inhibition, freight and modesty of our true sexual calling, we then touch the gates of heaven....
> 
> Enjoy your bubble bath...We waited far too long for these years...Take care...


love this


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> I deny I am volatile.
> 
> I am controversial (or my opinions are).
> 
> ...


When people make events and situations some sort of personal referendum on themselves, it drains the joy from their own soul.

That's when Shakespeare penned the line, "Methinks thy doth protest too much."


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> And yes, I am sexist (as defined as thinking there are cultural and biological differences in the sexes) in my approach to tackling a question perhaps.


You have forgotten the most important word in the definition of a sexist, Scanner.

That word is ...

discrimination


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Threetimesalady said:


> SA:...IMO, women get better with age...They need these child raising years behind them...Then all hell breaks loose...Believe me, age is no object....I think that a man is and can be all that a woman makes him or allows him to be....To me, respect, love and best friend = lover....
> 
> When we built our home ten years ago we, too, put in a double whirlpool bath...But, the years took their toll...We found that it got more difficult to get out of....So, out went the whirlpool and half shower and two years ago we had a large walk in shower built....I designed it to fit our needs.....Near 10 ft. long with a heavy tiled seat that is the width of the shower at the end...This is a bench which holds two people and is constructed floor to top seat and all tiled to match the decorative design....Along with this we installed three misters on the side plus a 120 inch water wand that reaches the back where the seat is...Then there is the overhead shower head as you come in....On the safety side we had them install handicap bars all the way around...We always shower together...Needless to say this hot action keeps a man very comfortable in his own sexuality...Believe me, I would have never guessed that this type of erotic and lust filled actions happened at this age in life...I had to laugh at one guy's remark on that post that I took off...Said something about it being smut filled or something...The problem being, men do not know how we women think....Once we have dug our way out of the darkness of inhibition, freight and modesty of our true sexual calling, we then touch the gates of heaven....
> 
> Enjoy your bubble bath...We waited far too long for these years...Take care...


This is so totally awesome, Threetimesalady! :smthumbup:

I finally went out and read through your thread in the Long Term Marriage sub-forum. I wish I had read that thread the very first day I found this site.

You are an inspiration, and I hope that you continue to post and not feel such misgivings for doing so.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

annagarret said:


> why is it so hard for women to validate men.....why the resistance, MEN built this country and gave up their freedom.........


I don't know, Anna. I think that there's been a lot of women who have not been privy to many good men in their lives and they've perhaps become embittered.

For me, it is much easier to validate an individual man, such as my husband, my sons, my father, than it is to validate 'men' in general.

Perhaps I am just too pragmatic or jaded, but when I think of the wonderful things that 'mankind' has created I always have a sense of sadness with it.

For example, the great pyramids in Egypt are astounding creations that have lasted thousands of years and their creation is a testament to engineering genius that is hard to comprehend given the general knowledge at that time. But, those astounding creations were also built on the backs of tens of thousands of slaves.

Our own founding fathers saw fit to craft a beautiful document declaring the rights of those in this glorious nation, but they still saw fit to leave out large swathes of the population. African Americans were denied the same rights, Native Americans were denied the same rights, even women were denied the same rights. All of those groups had to fight for those same rights.

So where there has been greatness, there has also been an underlying current of things that were quite lowly.

I think you are a spiritual lady from what I have read of some of your posts. I will admit that I have my ups and downs with it.  But this is a scripture that comes to mind as to what I am getting at:

_Colossians 3:23
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, *not* for men."_

When I can go out on a hill in the dusk and sit and watch the moon rise and the stars come out, I am but humbled that mankind is but a speck in time and place and there's much out there far greater than us, far more than we will ever understand. 

I do admire your enthusiastic and exuberant spirit, Anna.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Conrad said:


> When people make events and situations some sort of personal referendum on themselves, it drains the joy from their own soul.
> 
> That's when Shakespeare penned the line, "Methinks thy doth protest too much."


Conrad, if you have something to say to these "people" you keep referring to, why not be honest about who you are talking about? It would be a lot less confusing is all.  Perhaps you mean people in general? Not sure...

As always, Enchantment posted some erudite and wise words; she always manages to capture nuances about human behavior.


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

annagarret said:


> love this


Thank you...Never did I realize that these happenings were part of the joys of older age...And I smile as I write this, as he makes me feel so young....Take care...


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> This is so totally awesome, Threetimesalady! :smthumbup:
> 
> I finally went out and read through your thread in the Long Term Marriage sub-forum. I wish I had read that thread the very first day I found this site.
> 
> You are an inspiration, and I hope that you continue to post and not feel such misgivings for doing so.


Thank you for your kind words...Believe me, they couldn't have come at a better time...It has been hard writing of life and exposing our happiness...But, it is necessary...For unless this is done women will not know what they are missing by letting it go...Far too many think that they die off after Menopause and let themselves accept it...IMO, that is when you really start to bloom....

Your post is one of the reasons I decided to come back...I have added one post I took off to one woman....I will add another that I wrote when I was about to turn 70....I didn't know it, but adding a new age such as was 70, is hard...The 60's were acceptable, but this was not what I wanted...This was old and I didn't want to go there.....So I wrote down my thoughts and sent them to a man I knew...He was older than I was and it helped...I never sent it, but wrote it...Kind of putting my words in front of me helped me accept this new part of my life....

I now look at myself as normal...Have a few years behind me, but so does everyone else....Thanks again and I send you my best wishes....Take care...Caroline


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

...because despite all my strengths, when a bee lands on my shirt, I will stand frozen and call "Help! There's a bee on me!" and he will bravely come and rescue me from said bee.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> I deny I am volatile.
> 
> I am controversial (or my opinions are).
> 
> ...



Hahaha! I sure hope you know men and women are different! Never knew that was sexist though...just thought it was a given. LOL


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

annagarret said:


> Hi. Everybody, I am pretty new here. I wanted to start this thread because there are so many who might disagree. I used to never think this way. My DH allowed me to be a SAHM for our four children 15 years ago. I used to think that was his role to provide and then mine was to raise them. We were actually pretty cool with the traditional roles handed to us.
> 
> We do still love the traditional roles. But lately, on my own, carried away female thinking, where would we be without our beloved men. I know, I know, it's not PC to talk about it but for example,...if we got lost who do we call? our DH or DB for directions. If we get a flat on the freeway...who do we call? Our men to help us. Who has the foeresight and knowledge to advise us on logical decisions to be made. We sooooo love that they are bigger and stronger to protect us from danger. Most importantly, most of them work themselves to the bone. They provide shelter, food, clothing, wisdom, and if they are great men, love.....thank God for the men in our lives........


:iagree:

Great post Anna! I'm glad it got bumped, I wasn't a member when you posted it and hadn't noticed it before.

I agree with you! There are so many wonderful men....and I particularly love my man! Yes, he is the one I turn to for help. His strength gives me strength. I know I can depend on him and he knows he can depend on me.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

I love all the positive female responses here.

Despiste my username I am not really that unhappy, just joined here when I was having a bad day err week.

I do love my woman and I know she loves me. This thread reminds me what a precious thing I have.

What a great thread.

Cheers.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> Conrad, if you have something to say to these "people" you keep referring to, why not be honest about who you are talking about? It would be a lot less confusing is all.  Perhaps you mean people in general? Not sure...
> 
> As always, Enchantment posted some erudite and wise words; she always manages to capture nuances about human behavior.


It's wise to pay more attention to her words.


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

Enchantment said:


> I don't know, Anna. I think that there's been a lot of women who have not been privy to many good men in their lives and they've perhaps become embittered.
> 
> For me, it is much easier to validate an individual man, such as my husband, my sons, my father, than it is to validate 'men' in general.
> 
> ...


Believe me, I know all about the behind the scenes work a wife and mom do to support their man....and I love it. I guess I just listen to my own dear husband and my heart aches. The outside world is very hard on men. It seems like the media gives more attention to single mothers than to the middle class working men..It actually disgusts me. Some women so eagerly leave there men for emotional freeedom and then rely on the state for food and housing...isn't it easier to mend your marriage for the sake of the whole?????

some women just dispose of great men to soon..


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And some women are left by the men to raise the kids and pay the bills.

lol nice stereotypes.


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

yikes. I thought this was a marriage forum


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

anna garret 01 said:


> Believe me, I know all about the behind the scenes work a wife and mom do to support their man....and I love it. I guess I just listen to my own dear husband and my heart aches. The outside world is very hard on men. It seems like the media gives more attention to single mothers than to the middle class working men..It actually disgusts me. Some women so eagerly leave there men for emotional freeedom and then rely on the state for food and housing...isn't it easier to mend your marriage for the sake of the whole?????
> 
> some women just dispose of great men to soon..


Anna,

In the end, we are left with giving them what they say they want.

I do believe it would be much easier for them to deal with their internal issues and make a concerted effort to be nice to their husbands.

I don't think choosing the path of single motherhood - with occasional rolls in the hay with whoever - is the path to happiness for women.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Sometimes women have very understandable reasons for leaving their husbands. 

I don't think it makes sense to try to "work things out" with someone who continues to be abusive. 

If the abusive spouse is unwilling to make changes or seek help, what is the point of living in misery?

Is it healthy for children to have two parents, who are modeling an unhappy tension filled marriage?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

annagarret said:


> Green Pearl, so true, so true...I never meant for any anymosity (sp) between spouses. I just wanted to express thanks for men, and all they put up with, expecially us. I used to be a big feminist in college and the first 5 years of marriage. I fortunatley(sp) realized that seeking your own and only your own pleasure in marriage is actually self-defeating. One brings down the whole unit. I wanted to be the kind of woman my husband wanted and more importantly, a woman who he wanted to come home to and stay home to. So I decided to change myself. One is always growing and changing in marriage. Change begins with one.


Wow - that almost brought me to tears.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Women are often told they they are not "true" feminists, if they do things to make their husbands happy. I used to have a friend who admonished me for cooking nice meals for my husband. Other women have looked down on me for taking hubby's name.  Idiots. 

I have learned that if I speak softly and lovingly to my husband, he is much more receptive. Nagging or screeching is disrespectful and uncalled for.

My husband also loves to hear me say how much I appreciate everything he does for us. Yesterday, he gave me a ride to my Saturday morning class, so that I would not need to take the subway in the bitter cold. I thought about the way my husband helps pay for my education and even asks me to work part time so that I can focus. He went under the knife so that I wouldn't have to keep taking birth control pills. All of this actually made me weep with gratitude. 

My husband is my heaven, my home and my forever best friend.


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## WEBELONG2GETHER (Jan 22, 2012)

Hi Im new, been lurking but I wanted to respond. I love men also my husband has worked so hard to care for me and our 5 children. He is always trying to help me out and I really did not appreciate him. I just felt he was in my business once again. In reality he is always trying to make things easier for me and I misunderstood his actions. I'm celebrating the man in my life!!!!!!!!!!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

WEBELONG2GETHER said:


> Hi Im new, been lurking but I wanted to respond. I love men also my husband has worked so hard to care for me and our 5 children. He is always trying to help me out and I really did not appreciate him. I just felt he was in my business once again. In reality he is always trying to make things easier for me and I misunderstood his actions. I'm celebrating the man in my life!!!!!!!!!!


Quite often it seems that female partners want to put their man "in his place" - which is beneath them.

They do that for a variety of reasons. And, it's often difficult for them to be honest exactly why they do it.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Quite often it seems that female partners want to put their man "in his place" - which is beneath them.
> 
> They do that for a variety of reasons. And, it's often difficult for them to be honest exactly why they do it.


Girls are trained from an early age to be somewhat dysfunctional and overly dramatic, stupidly dependent as it were.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Quite often it seems that female partners want to put their man "in his place" - which is beneath them.


This reminded me of the following, which is more of what I ascribe to:

_Woman was taken from the rib of man;
not out of his head to top him,
nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot;
but out of his side to be equal to him,
under his arm to be protected,
and near his heart to be loved_.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Enchantment,

I'll write this with a disclaimer. I've always considered myself a a truth-seeker. And, I was absolutely committed to getting "the" answer. I'm competitive and I want to get it right - and understand situations.

SOMEWHERE along the way, I suppose this morphed into a defense mechanism. Being "right" would keep people from disagreeing with me. Because, people that disagreed got defense from me and underneath the defense - anger....

One of the true tragedies of the world in which we live is the abuse of children. From abused children come broken adults. And, emotionally broken people are incredibly angry. They're angry with those who've abused them. But, they often seem on a life-long search for stand-ins. The people that hurt them are largely gone. So, who "gets the brunt of it"? You guessed it, their life partners.

How about mixing those two ingredients? You have 2 people (me) and my wife who often fought like 2 year olds. Neither of us seemed capable of stopping it.

At many junctures, it seemed she merely tried to "put me in my place". Of course, my place was beneath her. Of course, my place was beneath her children.

It's liberating to realize this wasn't about me. My therapy focused almost exclusively on my relationship with her - and how she and I interacted.

She went to therapy also. From what I can tell, not one minute was spent on her interactions with others. All sessions were about recording the wrongs done her over the years.

When I realized that me simply absorbing the anger wasn't doing me (or her) any good at all, I stopped. The frantic dramatic chase to give her the world. Getting mad when she nit-picked the efforts stopped also.

I'm at peace now. I realize I can only do so much. I also realize how much I love her.

I ponder a future where she would make an honest effort to consider me in her decisions - not as an enemy - but as a partner. Not as a resource, but as a husband - and a friend.

She's gone now. But, if something gets fixed this time, it will be fixed together. No more solo missions

To quote RDJ - "She's STILL on a pedestal - right next to me"



Enchantment said:


> This reminded me of the following, which is more of what I ascribe to:
> 
> _Woman was taken from the rib of man;
> not out of his head to top him,
> ...


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Well said, Conrad.

I will say that broken adults bear the responsibility to heal themselves. It may not be our fault that we are broken or damaged, but it is our fault if we continue to stay angry and messed up.

It's very telling that your ex-wife only focused on how people wronged her. Was there any work done around the effects of abuse and how to rise above it?


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## Noel1987 (Jan 2, 2012)

annagarret said:


> Hi. Everybody, I am pretty new here. I wanted to start this thread because there are so many who might disagree. I used to never think this way. My DH allowed me to be a SAHM for our four children 15 years ago. I used to think that was his role to provide and then mine was to raise them. We were actually pretty cool with the traditional roles handed to us.
> 
> We do still love the traditional roles. But lately, on my own, carried away female thinking, where would we be without our beloved men. I know, I know, it's not PC to talk about it but for example,...if we got lost who do we call? our DH or DB for directions. If we get a flat on the freeway...who do we call? Our men to help us. Who has the foeresight and knowledge to advise us on logical decisions to be made. We sooooo love that they are bigger and stronger to protect us from danger. Most importantly, most of them work themselves to the bone. They provide shelter, food, clothing, wisdom, and if they are great men, love.....thank God for the men in our lives........


:smthumbup: THANK YOU SO MUCH


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

what a nice thread


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

I think so too. I mean we all know the wonderful women in our life and all that they do, but men just really do all they can, usually without complaining. It's just so odd to me that men don't get more recognition. It's almost like it's taboo to praise / or commend men in your life. 

This might anger some, but do most women realize that MEN created the PILL for womens sexual conveinance? :scratchhead:


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Wow - that almost brought me to tears.


:rofl: and it seems like a tough one to bring you down......JK you sound great to me....:lol:


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I realize it and I think The Pill was one of the best inventions ever. :smthumbup:

That magic medicine kept me from becoming a bad stereotype.


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> I realize it and I think The Pill was one of the best inventions ever. :smthumbup:
> 
> That magic medicine kept me from becoming a bad stereotype.


Ohh don't say that, you sound great to me!!!::smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

anna garret 01 said:


> This might anger some, but do most women realize that MEN created the PILL for womens sexual conveinance? :scratchhead:


I didn't know this fact, but come on ...for women's conveinance (though I agree it is!) ..... I'd say Men would climb 100 mountains to come up with anything to keep their women from conceiving so easy & lactating (which destroys sex drive) ..... cause that means they could bang us more! 


..And I ain't putting them down for that, I love them for that! Just saying - they had their own motives in that creation, it wasn't purely unselfish by any means.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I just noticed this post. dont know how I missed it all this time but it sure is nice to see. 

For all the decent guys in the world, might I say "you're quite welcome ma'am!"


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

anna garret 01 said:


> Ohh don't say that, you sound great to me!!!::smthumbup:



Thanks. 

What I meant is that if I did not have The Pill, I would have had several children with several different fathers.

This is an unfortunate stereotype of black women where I live.

I happen to believe that women who don't praise their good men are foolish.


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

I agree. Good men are very, very hard to find...they do need a lot of recognition.


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## anna garret 01 (Jan 22, 2012)

Just everything about GREAT men fascinate me.....especially my own.....He already sent me big delivery of roses today.........Men rock.....and mine is the best.....:lol:


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