# Hey Everyone!



## Der_Hazmat (Feb 4, 2019)

My name is Sebastian, I'm a married father of 2 girl & boy (best of both worlds) and I'm looking for advice because my marriage is falling apart before my eyes and all I can do is sit back and watch. Looks like this site may be all I need. I hope.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

welcome.

share your story. almost all of us have been there. so don't feel alone.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'm really sorry you find yourself here, but maybe we can help you out.

You say your marriage is falling apart. Could you give us some details of the problems you're facing?


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## Der_Hazmat (Feb 4, 2019)

My wife and I have been together for 6 years (Married for 6 months) also have 2 children, and lately things have been falling apart. We married because i was initially going to join the Air Force, but it didnt pan out. So about a year ago, she was playing with her old friend on xbox until very late in the morning and ended up having an online affair with him. It took her a gut wretching month to realize how badly she had hurt me. I wasnt the best partner at the time, i drank alot back then. However i have changed for the better, but cant seem to shake the thought of what she did and worry that she might be doing it again. She plays until 3 am almost every night and it seems like shes just doing it to get attention from all the guys on there. I wake up, dont see her there and my heart just drops. Im emotionally exhausted and physically drained from this. She also takes pictures of us off of her instagram when we argue. I just dont know what to do. I dont want a divorce and i dont want to leave my kids behind. She agreed to go to marriage counseling, but i think shes just going to shut me up. We cant ever have a discussion without it turning into an arguement. Also another big thing for her is her best friend who is a girl. This "friend" has never liked me. No matter what ive done (buying her lunch when my wife is with me) she has always resented me. Never anything good to say about me and my wife buys into that nonsense. Never defends me when she starts chirping. Thanks.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Der_Hazmat said:


> My wife and I have been together for 6 years (Married for 6 months) also have 2 children, and lately things have been falling apart. We married because i was initially going to join the Air Force, but it didnt pan out. So about a year ago, she was playing with her old friend on xbox until very late in the morning and ended up having an online affair with him. It took her a gut wretching month to realize how badly she had hurt me. I wasnt the best partner at the time, i drank alot back then. However i have changed for the better, but cant seem to shake the thought of what she did and worry that she might be doing it again. She plays until 3 am almost every night and it seems like shes just doing it to get attention from all the guys on there. I wake up, dont see her there and my heart just drops. Im emotionally exhausted and physically drained from this. She also takes pictures of us off of her instagram when we argue. I just dont know what to do. I dont want a divorce and i dont want to leave my kids behind. She agreed to go to marriage counseling, but i think shes just going to shut me up. We cant ever have a discussion without it turning into an arguement. Also another big thing for her is her best friend who is a girl. This "friend" has never liked me. No matter what ive done (buying her lunch when my wife is with me) she has always resented me. Never anything good to say about me and my wife buys into that nonsense. Never defends me when she starts chirping. Thanks.


I'm sorry man. I myself am a gamer, have been since 87, I know what your talking about. You are going to have to get her off xbox live.
Gaming women are so sought out online from guys, that you will not be able to keep up with it. Ask her to go to MC then bring up the gaming online.
It's a terrible place to try to keep a marriage together. I myself would not let my wife play online games...sorry women. It's too dominated by young horny guys.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Der_Hazmat said:


> She plays until 3 am almost every night and it seems like shes just doing it to get attention from all the guys on there.
> Im emotionally exhausted and physically drained from this.


I think you're right, she's doing it for the attention from guys. You will always remain emotionally exhausted as you continue to try to build a relationship with her. At some point, there will either have to be a change in her behavior toward you, or you will have to proceed with emotional isolation and/or physical isolation from her in order to protect your own psychological health.



Der_Hazmat said:


> I wasnt the best partner at the time, i drank alot back then.


Well, now you recognize your error and have undertaken effort to change that. Your wife did not contribute to your behavior. Likewise, the partner you were, and the drinker you were, contributed to marital problems between you, but they did not contribute to her affair, or to her current flirtatious behavior. These are things she simply gave herself permission to do, in spite of her marital vows to you. Your life-changes are not going to do anything to help her make choices more wisely. She has to own what she does, and undertake her own efforts to change.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

The problem is she is still gaming after she fked up. You gave her zero consequences. I've been in similar circumstances. My XW started off having inappropriate relationships in online gaming. I was pissed but I didnt take it as serious as I should have since it was *just online. Then rugsweep several years later and I discovered multiple physical affairs. Trust me, its only gonna get worse, until you put your foot down and don't tolerate her behavior anymore. 

So you are scared that you might lose your marriage? Sorry but if she continues acting like this, your likelihood of her cheating IRL or leaving you increases. Sometimes to save your marriage, you got to be willing to lose it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Ask a moderator to move this to the infidelity section!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

She sounds very immature. As someone mentioned, she has had no consequences for what she did, so she sees no reason to change anything she is doing. You need to let her know in no uncertain terms that you have one foot out the door, and if things dont change, you are OUT. You have to be willing to put it on the line, sometimes our partners only understand once things have gone past, or almost past, the point of no return.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Is there any way to cancel your internet subscription? i say this because you both have to detach from the things that are pulling your relationship apart and i get you will both go through some withdrawals but it iw the only way for you two to reconnect...additionally you need to have a meeting with her friend that if she has a problem with you to telling ti to your face or shut up and she is not welcomed in your place if she is going to dis you. now if you wife refuses that, then i suggest that you show her how disrespectful she is to you by showing her that you too can find a friend online...sometimes people have to see the impact up close to understand.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Is there any way to cancel your internet subscription? i say this because you both have to detach from the things that are pulling your relationship apart and i get you will both go through some withdrawals but it iw the only way for you two to reconnect...additionally you need to have a meeting with her friend that if she has a problem with you to telling ti to your face or shut up and she is not welcomed in your place if she is going to dis you. now if you wife refuses that, then i suggest that you show her how disrespectful she is to you by showing her that you too can find a friend online...sometimes people have to see the impact up close to understand.


Or simply say, its the Xbox or me. If there is any hesitation, proceed to pack her bags.

I think he wants a MC to handle his business of telling her off. Better find a male MC then and vet him! If you get a female MC, you may as well find a divorce lawyer as well.


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## Der_Hazmat (Feb 4, 2019)

Thanks for all the solid advice you guys! 👍🏼 It means alot


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> The problem is she is still gaming after she fked up. You gave her zero consequences.


She's not a child who has to be spanked or put in the 'time out' chair for an hour before she realizes the error of her ways.

She knows EXACTLY what she's doing and she knows EXACTLY what she *continues* to do.

If the OP has to 'punish' her with *consequences* because she LACKS the respect and love for him to want to treat him right all on her own, then he's wasting his time with her.


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