# Just an opinion.



## OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE

Wife and I married for about 30 years. I know the date of my anniversary but have to think about the years. 
Neither of us really count them. If we had 30 million more it would not be enough.
We have learned a few things over time and I hope it helps one of you at least.

1 - We own each other. I know this goes against most of the worlds ideas of the individual. Don't really care. I belong to her and she belongs to me.
That old saying "You don't own me!" is a lot of crap and if you feel this way you need to work on the idea. You own each other.
2 - Never let anyone interfere in your marriage. I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS. For the most part interference will ruin your marriage all though it may be well meaning. For example don't borrow money from friends, parents, or associates. This will cause you to look outside your marriage for "fixes". Pull together not apart.
3 - My wife is a gift. One I certainly do not deserve. She feels the same way. (I drug her. Just kidding.).
4 - Don't forget how to play. Not just in the bedroom but when you are together. Flirt, hobbies, board games, anything that you both did when you got together keep doing it. Your life is together make sure you spend a lot of it that way. You will be glad you did.
5 - Remember those quirky things your spouse does that you love? Guess what those border line things that irritate you are part of that same personality. Do they leave the cap off the toothpaste? So what.
You are not perfect either. Help each other understand that you both have quirks some are just more enjoyable and lovable than others.
6 - Live every day like it may be the last that you have together. Kiss her goodbye in the morning and hello in the afternoon. 

I know it's easy to do all of this when everything is going great. It's hard to do when things are tough. But that is when it is most important and that is what will temper your marriage.

We have 3 kids (all ours). Been married about 30 years.
Went through bankruptcy together.
Miscarriage
Cancer
And a whole host of other issues.

Just so you know it has not always been easy but it has always been the best.


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## Mr Blunt

You have some very good information about a long-term marriage. You also have the credentials because you have 30 years of marriage and both of you still love and appreciation for each other.


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## Yeswecan

> board games


This include strip poker? This was something we did when dating. 

My W and I have been married 21 years. Yes, she is still up for strip poker.


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## Married but Happy

Yeswecan said:


> This include strip poker? This was something we did when dating.
> 
> My W and I have been married 21 years. Yes, she is still up for strip poker.


Cool. I can only hope that in 21 years from now, that still works. It would be sad if we had to play "get dressed" poker instead.


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## OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE

I know it sounds corny, but actually we have a family night that includes board games with our kids. We started this when they were small and still continue it today.

When she and I are alone we play Twister in the nude. Who needs Kama Sutra.


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## MarriedDude

OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE said:


> Wife and I married for about 30 years. I know the date of my anniversary but have to think about the years.
> Neither of us really count them. If we had 30 million more it would not be enough.
> We have learned a few things over time and I hope it helps one of you at least.
> 
> 1 - We own each other. I know this goes against most of the worlds ideas of the individual. Don't really care. I belong to her and she belongs to me.
> That old saying "You don't own me!" is a lot of crap and if you feel this way you need to work on the idea. You own each other.
> 2 - Never let anyone interfere in your marriage. I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS. For the most part interference will ruin your marriage all though it may be well meaning. For example don't borrow money from friends, parents, or associates. This will cause you to look outside your marriage for "fixes". Pull together not apart.
> 3 - My wife is a gift. One I certainly do not deserve. She feels the same way. (I drug her. Just kidding.).
> 4 - Don't forget how to play. Not just in the bedroom but when you are together. Flirt, hobbies, board games, anything that you both did when you got together keep doing it. Your life is together make sure you spend a lot of it that way. You will be glad you did.
> 5 - Remember those quirky things your spouse does that you love? Guess what those border line things that irritate you are part of that same personality. Do they leave the cap off the toothpaste? So what.
> You are not perfect either. Help each other understand that you both have quirks some are just more enjoyable and lovable than others.
> 6 - Live every day like it may be the last that you have together. Kiss her goodbye in the morning and hello in the afternoon.
> 
> I know it's easy to do all of this when everything is going great. It's hard to do when things are tough. But that is when it is most important and that is what will temper your marriage.
> 
> We have 3 kids (all ours). Been married about 30 years.
> Went through bankruptcy together.
> Miscarriage
> Cancer
> And a whole host of other issues.
> 
> Just so you know it has not always been easy but it has always been the best.


You are 100% on it. Been married 24 years...

#1 -it's critical to understand...that together you are 1. Ownership is both real and implied. Together you own the outcome of your marriage, together responsible for all of it. 

#2 -SOOOOO true. Outside influence either through toxic friends, good friends, family, et all. Rarely has a positive influence. Only the two people in a marriage ever fully understand the dynamics of that marriage. 

all the Rest....soo true. Too many very sad people forget these things, put their marriages on auto-pilot and then are shocked -so shocked when "out of the blue" -it crumbles. When the reality is...it's never really out of the blue. The true and deep connection required to have a loving union would make something soo huge impossible not see happening. 

#6 -especially....never let the sun set without letting her/him know -that the love and appreciation you have for the time that you have been gifted together is the greatest experience you could ever hope to have. Mean it. Tomorrow is never promised to anyone....the kiss, the touch, the hug, the soft word, might very well be the last thing you ever share. My wife an I don't ever leave each other upset or angry...I couldn't bear the thought of her passing and her last memory of me, of us, being angry words. I doubt my ability to live with that. 

Thank you for putting that up. Thank for reminding me of the Treasure I really have.


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## sammy3

How about an affair? How many LTM survive an affair after 30 years of faithfulness, after what was thought of a good marriage? 

~sammy


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## OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE

sammy3 said:


> How about an affair? How many LTM survive an affair after 30 years of faithfulness, after what was thought of a good marriage?
> 
> ~sammy


Sammy - 
Here is what I can tell you. 
This is actually my second marriage.
My first ended because of an affair. Not me. Her.
There were actually 6 OM. I only knew about 2.

I think when someone asks the question that you asked what you really want to ask is:

If my spouse cheats. Did they ever really love me? Do they still love me?
For me the answer is no. 
My wife (current) have a running joke about this. It involves a new swimming pool.
I trust her and she trust me not to cheat.
Once that trust is gone there is no way to get it back.

My wife and I make love all the time. When we watch tv and she reaches over for no reason and rubs my arm.
When she smiles and says I love you.
When I come home and grab her and smell her hair.
We laugh a lot. Building things doing things together.
We make love with our clothes on and our clothes off.

If you do this no piece of A$$ will ever come between you and your spouse.

God bless you friend.


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## sammy3

OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE said:


> My wife and I make love all the time. When we watch tv and she reaches over for no reason and rubs my arm.
> When she smiles and says I love you.
> When I come home and grab her and smell her hair.
> We laugh a lot. Building things doing things together.
> We make love with our clothes on and our clothes off.
> 
> If you do this no piece of A$$ will ever come between you and your spouse.
> 
> God bless you friend.



We did all of this up to my h hitting the late 40's, early 50's. The 50's too were hard on me with menopause. It lasted 12 years for me. 

Life started to not be so much fun, as up to then life was rolling so nicely along. Real life started to happen, parents getting sick & dying, dealing with nursing homes becames an everyday way of life. Friends start dying too, jobs getting shaky, son going off to college, reality of paying for college started to hit, reality that our life is changing, It was especally hard on h. 


Can I say h loved me? and cheated on me? No doubt about it, & he still does, even more today 4 years later. He has hung in there been there in ever way now than one can imagine. 

I cant imagine doing the things now that you write above, but I know h would kill to do so with me. 

I dont know how people R... it never goes away. 

~sammy


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## OLDERMARRIEDCOUPLE

sammy3 said:


> We did all of this up to my h hitting the late 40's, early 50's. The 50's too were hard on me with menopause. It lasted 12 years for me.
> 
> Life started to not be so much fun, as up to then life was rolling so nicely along. Real life started to happen, parents getting sick & dying, dealing with nursing homes becames an everyday way of life. Friends start dying too, jobs getting shaky, son going off to college, reality of paying for college started to hit, reality that our life is changing, It was especally hard on h.
> 
> 
> Can I say h loved me? and cheated on me? No doubt about it, & he still does, even more today 4 years later. He has hung in there been there in ever way now than one can imagine.
> 
> I cant imagine doing the things now that you write above, but I know h would kill to do so with me.
> 
> I dont know how people R... it never goes away.
> 
> ~sammy


I am so sorry for your loss. Yes wife and I both lost our parents.
Neither set had insurance and their med bills drove us into bankruptcy. 

Friends are passing everyday.

Yet I feel so sorry for you because the one thing that has sustained me is my lovely wife.

The loss you describe is intense. My first marriage did not last long.
This marriage has endured. If it were to end how do you replace the years of being together through good times and bad? How do you replace years of memories?

I hope that you guys can heal.


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