# She says she "lost herself" pt 2



## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

pt 1 can be found here:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/39368-she-says-she-lost-herself.html

hey all - its been a few days since I've been on here and I just wanted to give you an update-

1) In the beginning, I went through some ups and downs - switching back and forth from hating her to loving her. Currently, the hate days still outweigh the love days - i actually haven't had a "love" day since 1.5 weeks ago!

2) I am moving on with the divorce - it is very clear to me that the STBXW has no respect for me or what we had together any longer. Even the other night I spoke to her (for reason #3 below) and she actually said to me "i thought it would be easy for us to get over an affair" :scratchhead:

3) we are putting our house on the market - and i already signed a lease for an appartment - i move there in 2 wks (STBXW is not in the house)

4) I went out with some friends this weekend and talked to many women - it was a great confidence booster for me!! 

5) I still get "memory movies" that really piss me off - but I will say, I have been sleeping wonderfully for about a week now!!

6) Thank you again for all of your support / advice through this process!!!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What about the HR? Any progress on that front? Have you confronted the OM?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ok, you're working on moving on - Very good.

you do need to loop back to the affair and as warlock asked - deal with it by imposing consequences. this is no revenge - this is you taking to task those who crapped on your life. You do this so they won't do it again, and so you have a self worth knowing you will and have stood up for yourself.


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> What about the HR? Any progress on that front? Have you confronted the OM?


i checked with HR - no dice - nothing can be done since neither of them is in a position of power nor do I work or they work directly with each other


and I haven't confronted the OM - i figured - why would i?
whats done is done and confronting doesn't do anything for me...
i figured moving on would be the best therapy for myself. 
Perhaps if you all can pose some reasons _TO_ confront OM, i may concider it....


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If the OM has a girlfriend or wife then you need to expose it to them. If you do not do anything then you have sent him a clear message that it was acceptable to screw your wife and destroy your marriage and you would stand aside and do nothing. He needs to suffer the consequences also. Good luck.


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

bryanp said:


> If the OM has a girlfriend or wife then you need to expose it to them. If you do not do anything then you have sent him a clear message that it was acceptable to screw your wife and destroy your marriage and you would stand aside and do nothing. He needs to suffer the consequences also. Good luck.


OM does not - he's a single guy


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

confu?ed said:


> OM does not - he's a single guy


how do you know this? Don't believe it if he or your WW told you it. Find out for yourself.


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> how do you know this? Don't believe it if he or your WW told you it. Find out for yourself.


i know this because i know the guy - ive hung out with him a few times

...and he doesn't because he is a fat fk who drinks like a fish and smokes like a chimney. 
..which is one of the reasons i would never think that the PA would happen. (shows you that you are never as smart as you think)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

confu?ed said:


> i know this because i know the guy - ive hung out with him a few times
> 
> ...and he doesn't because he is a fat fk who drinks like a fish and smokes like a chimney.
> ..which is one of the reasons i would never think that the PA would happen. (shows you that you are never as smart as you think)


It shows that your wife isn't as smart a she thinks.

Ok, so your doing the smart thing her - divorcing her and moving on. Make sure everyone knows what she did, and who she did it with btw.

then let him have her. It's your chance to seriously upgrade.


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> It shows that your wife isn't as smart a she thinks.
> 
> Ok, so your doing the smart thing her - divorcing her and moving on. Make sure everyone knows what she did, and who she did it with btw.
> 
> then let him have her. It's your chance to seriously upgrade.


I am telling everyone - i am making it known!

and I agree - an upgrade is what I deserve!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good luck Con?used. Stay strong and don't look back. You dumped the corpse, and now she can go live in the gutter where she belongs.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You are doing the right thing Confused. The way you described the OM and that your wife had sex with that slob would be enough alone to divorce her immediately.


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

bryanp said:


> You are doing the right thing Confused. The way you described the OM and that your wife had sex with that slob would be enough alone to divorce her immediately.


its kind of funny how things work out sometimes - 

for example, i never thought bad of anything my STBXW did... I always put her first and did everything I could to keep her happy...
now, I see how detrimental it was to our relationship. All of her actions over the last 6ish months are very clear to me now. And its funny, once you "see" something, it is virtually impossible to "unsee" it. I see what she truely is.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

confu?ed said:


> its kind of funny how things work out sometimes -
> 
> for example, i never thought bad of anything my STBXW did... I always put her first and did everything I could to keep her happy...
> now, I see how detrimental it was to our relationship. All of her actions over the last 6ish months are very clear to me now. And its funny, once you "see" something, it is virtually impossible to "unsee" it. I see what she truely is.


I sounds like you are now in a good place and not in any fog.

you're ready and doing the right things for recover from her and her cheating.

her future isn't looking so bright though. 12 months from now she will be very badly off - you just wait and watch the disaster of a life she has made for herself.

stay strong, and keep away from her.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Just treat her for what she is worth. No need to play nice. Don't even piss in her direction if she is dying of thirst.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

confu?ed said:


> Even the other night I spoke to her (for reason #3 below) and she actually said to me "i thought it would be easy for us to get over an affair" :scratchhead:


Wow! Just...wow! :scratchhead: INDEED

That's all I would need to hear. She sounds like a very entitled stuck up selfish woman.


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> Wow! Just...wow! :scratchhead: INDEED
> 
> That's all I would need to hear. She sounds like a very entitled stuck up selfish woman.


the other day she told me about a quiz she took on "Narcissism"... out of 30 questions:
The normal person scores a 13-15...
I scored a 7....
She scored a 25.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

confu?ed said:


> the other day she told me about a quiz she took on "Narcissism"... out of 30 questions:
> The normal person scores a 13-15...
> I scored a 7....
> She scored a 25.


Not surprising. Also not surprising is that she admitted it almost like she's proud of her narcissism. BTW, you really should change the title of your threads. She hasn't lost herself. She lost YOU. Someday she will realize what that really means.


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

Beowulf said:


> Not surprising. Also not surprising is that she admitted it almost like she's proud of her narcissism. BTW, you really should change the title of your threads. She hasn't lost herself. She lost YOU. Someday she will realize what that really means.


im not sure if she is proud of it.... but i think she identified what part of her problem is. For that- I am proud of her. Hopefully she can fix herself before she gets herself involved in another relationship.

Good point about the name of the threads - ill keep that in mind for next time!


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

confu?ed said:


> the other day she told me about a quiz she took on "Narcissism"... out of 30 questions:
> The normal person scores a 13-15...
> I scored a 7....
> She scored a 25.


Sounds like she isn't finished screwing over guys. My ex did so many guys she didn't even know which two fathered her children. She's all by herself, now and living on the streets.
The last I heard of her, her looks are failing fast so she's not likely to rope any other guy into her game.
She, too expressed pride in her "accomplishments" and sounded like some of these guys who tell the talk show hosts they fathered over twenty babies by different women.:wtf:


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## Momaste (Feb 17, 2012)

It's wonderful that you are moving on. Just try to stay positive, know that everything happens for a reason it is a process. This too shall pass, I believe that some relationships aren't necessarily for forever or "the one," but life lessons along the way for personal evolution. As Wayne Dyer would say "Congrats" This is a new beginning, let go of the past, work on forgiving and move forward - life can only get more beautiful! <3

Blessings!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

confu?ed said:


> im not sure if she is proud of it.... but i think she identified what part of her problem is. For that- I am proud of her. Hopefully she can fix herself before she gets herself involved in another relationship.
> 
> Good point about the name of the threads - ill keep that in mind for next time!



did she approach you with the results?


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

confu?ed said:


> the other day she told me about a quiz she took on "Narcissism"... out of 30 questions:
> The normal person scores a 13-15...
> I scored a 7....
> She scored a 25.


You did well to get out. I was with one of those for 25 years. I waited to see that beautiful charming and sexy woman that I fell in love with for all those years. When I saw her again it was from the outside. It is something you need to watch in your self. Don't do it again!


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> did she approach you with the results?


we were talking one day and she said that the thinks she has some narcissim - then she sent me the link to the test - i did it and i told her i got a 7 and asked her what she got - thats when she told me

Narcissistic Personality Inventory - Psych Central


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

And so you are considering R with this psycho because...........?


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

I scored 11. Interesting


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> And so you are considering R with this psycho because...........?


im not

im moving on


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I scored a 9 for what it's worth.


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## confu?ed (Feb 2, 2012)

Hey all - 

Got our date today - I will be a single guy on or around June 21st.

Now to sell the house... (crosses fingers)
ray:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> im not sure if she is proud of it.... but i think she identified what part of her problem is. For that- I am proud of her. Hopefully she can fix herself before she gets herself involved in another relationship.


Aint gonna happen....

Narcissism is a personality disorder, just like borderline personality or opositional-defiant. 

It cannot be treated. She's wired this way and will be this way until she dies.... a defective human.




> Hey all -
> 
> Got our date today - I will be a single guy on or around June 21st.
> 
> Now to sell the house... (crosses fingers)


Congrats brother. Your Independence Day cometh!


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