# Can I believe husband



## goodvibesonly74 (Jun 15, 2017)

Hello!
Husband and I have ben married for 5 years. He tell me all the time I am the most beautiful women ever.
My problem is I know that’s a lie. There are so many more beautiful women out there so why is he lying? I don’t really catch him checking out women when we are together, I have when he didn’t know I was looking. He said it was because her outfit was outrageous. So I know he looks. But he looks at guys to. He seems to be very intrigued by other people. He tells his teenage son to “go after” what he thinks he cant get in terms of girls. My husband says he should have done that when he was younger but was to shy. I am insecure, I want to believe that he thinks I am truly beautiful and wants to be with me forever like he says, but for some reason some little voice is telling me it’s a lie. I have never caught him in a lie or cheating.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Your husband is being complimentary toward you. It's a good thing. Accept those compliments with love, because he seems like a great man. Do not your insecurities cloud the reality of his love and adoration for you.


Also, please do not try to understand on any level guy talk between fathers and sons. Just as it can drive a man insane trying to comprehend talks between mothers and daughters, father-son talks can gross a woman out or drive her nuts in seconds. But it's guy talk, nothing more...


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

And how is this conviction of yours helping your marriage? How is constant accusations and body insecurity helping to build trust in the relationship? 

The evidence is in, you are hellbent on getting out of this relationship. Well the sooner you get on with the paperwork the sooner you can be out. Pretty easy these days. Not that it matters but just to satisfy my curiosity, Why do you want out? Not what is he doing wrong, you have spent two threads with your tiny pin prick annoyances. What is it that is making you want out? What is inspiring this witch hunt?


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## goodvibesonly74 (Jun 15, 2017)

Wow, not even close. Nice try though. I don't want out. Maybe its hard for me to believe I have finally found someone that accepts me for me. Many marriages have "annoyances" doesn't mean its a ground for divorce or that they want out.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Insecurity is one of the least attractive qualities a person can display. Your husband is doing the right thing by trying to reassure you but you refuse to accept the true message. He's not telling you you look like you wish you looked, he's telling you that he loves you the way you are and wants you to be happy about yourself. The fact that you reject this tells volumes about your self esteem problems. Calling him a liar is completely out of line.

This is your problem to fix. Are you in therapy? You should be. Otherwise you might convince him that you are as unattractive as you feel.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Either you want out, or you want evidence against him, that you can use to gain control over him. Which will result in the end in him leaving you. So to my original question. What exactly is this attitude of yours doing to Build the relationship? That same relationship that you repeatedly assert that you want to keep.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You are the most beautiful because _he loves you_. He can see that other women may be more beautiful externally, but he doesn't love _them_, so they can't match _you_. Beauty really is more than skin deep. Accept it, believe it - unless his actions prove otherwise, and it does not sound as if that's at all the case here.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Research ways to build your self confidence. This problem is yours, not his.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I tell my wife that she is beautiful because its true. Someone else will see a mid-50s woman with a scarred breast from breast cancer, with a few scars from other injuries, etc, but I see the woman I've loved all my life. 

I'm not blind, its not that I don't know that her body isn't perfect, its just that it doesn't matter to me. I love her and she is beautiful.

I am aware there are beautiful women out there and I enjoy seeing beauty as much as the next man, but its sort of abstract. When I see a beautiful woman I can appreciate that beauty but not *want* to have it. 

OP - your husband loves you. Believe him when he says you are beautiful. It took my wife 20 years before she really believed that I found her attractive - despite my words and actions. So she went those 20 years not realizing that someone found her beautiful.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

goodvibesonly74 said:


> Hello!
> Husband and I have ben married for 5 years. He tell me all the time I am the most beautiful women ever.
> My problem is I know that’s a lie. There are so many more beautiful women out there so why is he lying? I don’t really catch him checking out women when we are together, I have when he didn’t know I was looking. He said it was because her outfit was outrageous. So I know he looks. But he looks at guys to. He seems to be very intrigued by other people. He tells his teenage son to “go after” what he thinks he cant get in terms of girls. My husband says he should have done that when he was younger but was to shy. I am insecure, I want to believe that he thinks I am truly beautiful and wants to be with me forever like he says, but for some reason some little voice is telling me it’s a lie. I have never caught him in a lie or cheating.


He tells you that your are the most beautiful women TO HIM because that's what he sees when he looks at you.

When you are in love with a person, you seen not only their physical appearance, but you see the glow of the love. That makes you more beautiful to him.

You need to learn to accept this expression of love for you. Rejecting it will hurt your marriage.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

uhtred said:


> I tell my wife that she is beautiful because its true. Someone else will see a mid-50s woman with a scarred breast from breast cancer, with a few scars from other injuries, etc, but I see the woman I've loved all my life.
> 
> I'm not blind, its not that I don't know that her body isn't perfect, its just that it doesn't matter to me. I love her and she is beautiful.
> 
> ...


GoodVibes,
This post is spot on. Many of us men would say the same thing. 

I know nobody's recruiting my wife for the cover of the next issue of Vogue or Penthouse. Their loss, as far as I'm concerned. She is positively drop-dead gorgeous. Sometimes I like to just sit there and look at her. Other times I can't be in her presence without wanting to rip her clothes off and go at it. She stirs my soul and my libido. 

Here's the really good part. She is naturally very reserved and uncomfortable with being the center of attention. But she has become accustomed to, and has actually learned to love, my loving stares and intense gaze. We both benefit from these times. Hopefully you can also learn to accept and appreciate your husbands appreciation of you. It can be very bonding.

I also echo uhtred's acknowledgement of other attractive women. They are out there and they I can acknowledge their attractiveness. But I have no sexual or romantic interest in them whatsoever. They are not the one I love.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

yes a guy can think that way.

he may know intellectually that there are women walking the earth that would be considered classically more beautiful than their wife.

that doesn't matter. she is HIS! and to him as far as he is concerned, she is the most beautiful creature ever.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

he can taste her, smell her, indulge with her, laugh and interact with her and make love to her, and delight in every part or her.

the others are just pretty things that come and go.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

goodvibesonly74 said:


> Hello!
> Husband and I have ben married for 5 years. He tell me all the time I am the most beautiful women ever.
> My problem is I know that’s a lie. There are so many more beautiful women out there so why is he lying? I don’t really catch him checking out women when we are together, I have when he didn’t know I was looking. He said it was because her outfit was outrageous. So I know he looks. But he looks at guys to. He seems to be very intrigued by other people. He tells his teenage son to “go after” what he thinks he cant get in terms of girls. My husband says he should have done that when he was younger but was to shy. I am insecure, I want to believe that he thinks I am truly beautiful and wants to be with me forever like he says, but for some reason some little voice is telling me it’s a lie. I have never caught him in a lie or cheating.


Don't be so sure that he is lying. Attraction is enhanced by emotions. Personally, I enjoy looking at my wife more than other women. That's not a bad definition of beauty.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Yes.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

uhtred said:


> I tell my wife that she is beautiful because its true. Someone else will see a mid-50s woman with a scarred breast from breast cancer, with a few scars from other injuries, etc, but I see the woman I've loved all my life.
> 
> I'm not blind, its not that I don't know that her body isn't perfect, its just that it doesn't matter to me. I love her and she is beautiful.
> 
> ...


GoodVibes,
This post is spot on. Many of us men would say the same thing. 

I know nobody's recruiting my wife for the cover of the next issue of Vogue or Penthouse. Their loss, as far as I'm concerned. She is positively drop-dead gorgeous. Sometimes I like to just sit there and look at her. Other times I can't be in her presence without wanting to rip her clothes off and go at it. She stirs my soul and my libido. 

Here's the really good part. She is naturally very reserved and uncomfortable with being the center of attention. But she has become accustomed to, and has actually learned to love, my loving stares and intense gaze. We both benefit from these times. Hopefully you can also learn to accept and appreciate your husbands appreciation of you. It can be very bonding.

I also echo uhtred's acknowledgement of other attractive women. They are out there and they I can acknowledge their attractiveness. But I have no sexual or romantic interest in them whatsoever. They are not the one I love.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I love to look at all types of women but I only love and desire my w.

Please "fake it till you make it" as they say - just accept his assessment

Dress and act like you believe it. Do you dress sexy for him ever? Many people with self confidence issues would rather hide. If that's you, you MUST bite the bullet and be willing to stop hiding and let him enjoy your beauty and sexiness.

It's the one gift he doesn't want from anyone else


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Believe your husband. Ya know what I find cute & sexy? Seeing my wife get up with messed up hair & half of her face all red & squishy from the pillow. Why? you ask? Cuz I'm the only person who gets to see her that way. We are both over 50, and I still get in the shower with her every chance I can.

My wife used to accuse me of looking at other women. That stemmed from her having a bad relationship prior to me where she was cheated on & got a STD.

My problem was I grew up with two crazy uncles. I was told fairly young in life that if X or Y ever drove into the yard, "Lock & Load" because they meant harm.

I don't walk anywhere without looking around. I used to drive a motorcycle. Everyone wants to kill you. So when I drive, I constantly maintain a awareness of what is around me.

I think it's also a man thing, same principle as fight or flight. Genetically hardwired.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Last night my w went to a health club with me (free week passes because DS19 got a summer membership).

W is perfect weight but she has very little muscle and just has a healthy lifestyle. So a workout with me put her through machines and lifting like she had never done before. Some machines had 0 or 5 lbs on for her compared to 90-130 for me so these were big muscle groups. I encouraged her to use low weight and just get the hang of it but I was even surprised by the difficulty she had

We had a great time and she was very happy, but she collapsed. A few hours later I got her to bed and she was achy and whining and half asleep.

My response? "You look beautiful". Because she truly did. Even with her eyes closed, whining and grumpy, she was strikingly beautiful to me - and I REALLY felt like she was objectively beautiful.

We're mid 50's and together 30+ years.

So yes, it's true


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why do you care so much what you look like? Are you insecure about other aspects of yourself - your work, your achievements, your hobbies? Do you have a history of insecurity?


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