# What can I do?



## MSW1978 (Aug 28, 2016)

After 18 years, my wife asked me for a divorce. She said she is unhappy, not “in love” with me, It’s a chore to make love to me! She drinks wine every night until she pretty intoxicated! She still is sleeping with me because she said there is nowhere else to sleep! She is 37 and I’m 57. She said now the age difference matters! This all came after I had a big fight with my step son. He is now 18. He told her how unhappy she looks! He has been trying to drive a wedge between us for a while! She said she doesn’t want to be with me or do anything with me! She told me everyone at the high school are fake and actually can’t stand me! I’m the photographer and videographer there! When I asked her how I could make her happy she replied for me to get killed in a car accident! She said she will go to marriage counseling but if the counselor says the marriage is over then she wants me to leave! I said if the counselor says the marriage could work with counseling then we need to work it out! But someone has said to her that I look like her grandfather! I’ve questioned a bunch of people who think I look between 40-45 years old and act in my 30’s! I know there are things we can do to get the passion back in the marriage! She got pregnant right out of high school and had the baby at 20 years old! After we got married we had a son who is 13! I want the marriage to work! I love my wife very much! There has been no abuse, drugs, or infidelity! The only alcohol is her drinking wine, I rarely drink! I have been working on myself and have lost over 55 lbs! I do all the housework, laundry, and cooking! I work from home! I suffered an injury preventing me from running but my wife does like to run! Is there hope for my marriage?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Have you asked your wife why she has tired of the marriage? What exactly has made her become like this or has it been a slow descent? Is it possible she is cheating?

Do not beg, plead, cry, etc. You have to do something that is counter intuitive and be prepared to lose the marriage to save it. 
Start doing the 180 on her and act as if you believe every word she is saying. Does she work? Why are you doing all the housework? Time she pulled out her finger and did it? Act as if she is leaving your life, no more cooking for her, laundry, etc. Just do it for yourself. Focus on your work, then start going to the gym, play golf, join a club, etc. Let her get a taste of what it will be like if she has to take care of herself. Stick to the 180 religiously. Read No More Mr Nice Guy and start to grow a pair, it sounds like you have allowed her to get away with too much over the years and she has been spoilt and taken you for granted. Of course she does not respect you because you treat her like a princess. Stop all of that.

Go see a lawyer, see what your options are and take your lawyer's advice re monies, etc.


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## Fishnbuddy (Sep 3, 2017)

Please go file for a divorce first. Have her put out with a rule nisi believe me you will get back to gather after a while.. just got out of a divorce that she file first and she did not want the divorce neither did I but I went home and made it happen anyway. Now I wish I would have worked it out and maybe it will work out. But is just something about being away from her for a while that will put you back together


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

What a cruel hen.
She wants you out, she [said] that she wants you to die, over and again.

Don't waste another dime, another nickle on this selfish, cruel ass.

Let her be happy, let her be free.
With that attitude, with those words there will be a decree.

A decree muttered under the village breath.
Stay away, stay away from this women, this miserable wretch, lest you too, meet your death.

Meet your death to make her happy, once, now twice, again.

Sounds like she is suffering from severe depression. Guess what...your' fault.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

aine said:


> *Have you asked your wife why she has tired of the marriage?* What exactly has made her become like this or has it been a slow descent? Is it possible she is cheating?
> 
> Do not beg, plead, cry, etc. You have to do something that is counter intuitive and be prepared to lose the marriage to save it.
> Start doing the 180 on her and act as if you believe every word she is saying. Does she work? Why are you doing all the housework? Time she pulled out her finger and did it? Act as if she is leaving your life, no more cooking for her, laundry, etc. Just do it for yourself. Focus on your work, then start going to the gym, play golf, join a club, etc. Let her get a taste of what it will be like if she has to take care of herself. Stick to the 180 religiously. Read No More Mr Nice Guy and start to grow a pair, it sounds like you have allowed her to get away with too much over the years and she has been spoilt and taken you for granted. Of course she does not respect you because you treat her like a princess. Stop all of that.
> ...





MSW1978 said:


> After 18 years, my wife asked me for a divorce. She said she is unhappy, not “in love” with me, It’s a chore to make love to me! She drinks wine every night until she pretty intoxicated! She still is sleeping with me because she said there is nowhere else to sleep! She is 37 and I’m 57. She said now the age difference matters! This all came after I had a big fight with my step son. *He is now 18.* He told her how unhappy she looks! He has been trying to drive a wedge between us for a while! She said she doesn’t want to be with me or do anything with me! She told me everyone at the high school are fake and actually can’t stand me! I’m the photographer and videographer there! When I asked her how I could make her happy she replied for me to get killed in a car accident! She said she will go to marriage counseling but if the counselor says the marriage is over then she wants me to leave! I said if the counselor says the marriage could work with counseling then we need to work it out! But someone has said to her that I look like her grandfather! I’ve questioned a bunch of people who think I look between 40-45 years old and act in my 30’s! I know there are things we can do to get the passion back in the marriage! She got pregnant right out of high school and had the baby at 20 years old! After we got married we had a son who is 13! I want the marriage to work! I love my wife very much! There has been no abuse, drugs, or infidelity! The only alcohol is her drinking wine, I rarely drink! I have been working on myself and have lost over 55 lbs! I do all the housework, laundry, and cooking! I work from home! I suffered an injury preventing me from running but my wife does like to run! Is there hope for my marriage?


BPS.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Not to go all reverse on the stereotype of guys here, but dude, you are 20 years older than her. Seriously? It's absurd. You were 44 and she was 24 when you had a kid? You reap what you sow. You HAD to know this was coming.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

There is nothing you can do. You can't make her love you. Your life doesn't have to be over though. You should get a lawyer and file.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If someone I was with told me that they wished I was dead, I wouldn't want to be with them anyway. 

Such very large age gaps often become more noticeable later on, and maybe then she wanted a father figure and now she doesn't. Its a big risk to marry someone young enough to be your child, and so often it doesn't last. All men especially like to think that they look and act much younger that they are, its not usually true but only in our minds. When you married she was 19 and you nearly 40! 

Make sure that she is the one who leaves and not you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm not sure that this can be fixed. She sounds emotionally abusive. And she sounds like an alcoholic. 

Keep in mind that she cannot kick you out of your home. So don't leave the house and your child until there is a court order for one or both of you to move out of the family home. This usually does not happen until the divorce is final. You might want to talk to an attorney to find out your rights here.

Does your wife have a job? If so, what percentage of your joint income does she earn?

Also, if she has a job, how many hours a week does she work at her job and how many hours do you work a week at your job?

If you are hell bent on working on your marriage right now, get the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Read them both and of the work. Then ask her to read them and do the work with you. There is a chance that this would help.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Your job helping her raise her son is now finished. Now she no longer needs you as he is now 18. File for divorce. Don't wait for her to poison you or knock you down the stairs and make it look like an accident. 

She hates you. Take her word for it. Based on her wanting you dead don't wait. Just file and get the cancer out of your life.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

You have a wife that is 20 years younger and gained a ton of weight? WTF? I bet she's hot at 37. She's in her prime. You're no where near your prime.

Let her go. You'll both be happy. Living with someone that drinks non stop after work is no way to live. I've lived it and won't tolerate it again.

I guarantee she's cheating on you. Go check her cell phone bill.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## Penny905 (Mar 28, 2014)

You were 39 with a 19 year old, this was bound to happen. This is the problem with such an age gap, doesn't seem bad, then we get older. I don't know that this can be fixed. (Think about your wife going with a friend of her son's, just not right)


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sounds like your job was to help raise her son. That's done now and the age gap has kicked in (or she's just been waiting for her son to grow up). Let her go.


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