# Getting out of limbo.



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

@ 5 years ago a guy asked me if he could call me. His wife wanted a separation and had moved out. Sure enough once he checked the phone bill it was her boss. They had 2 young kids. *Always check the phone bill!*

He was in shock like most upfront. Wondering how he could save his marriage, etc. I was pretty abrupt (imagine that 😎). Like most he tried talking to her. Even her therapist told her she was making a huge mistake (to her credit for a therapist).
A short time later one of his friends saw his wife and her AP out. That lit a fire. Luckily he had a great attorney and immediately filed for divorce. He sat his kids down and told them their mom had a boyfriend and they couldn’t be married anymore. Pretty sanitized. Told them who he was. Shockingly she’d already brought them around him. This is why I think the truth is so important. Kids aren’t stupid. Keeping them in the dark never gets you a damn thing.
Once he got his feet under him he ran the hardest *no contact *I’ve seen. Like most she wanted to be friends and was really pissed he’d told the kids. How dare he!!!! He cut of all contact except text, email kids and D only. I mean he went totally stone cold on her. Even blocked her family (wonder where he got that idea😎).
Then he got a letter from her AP’s wife. My friend contacted her upfront 😎The AP’s wife wrote a long letter about how their affair has impacted not only her life but her kids too. My friend forwarded that letter to all family and their friends 💥

More later. This was just the start 5 years ago.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Marc878 said:


> @ 5 years ago a guy asked me if he could call me. His wife wanted a separation and had moved out. Sure enough once he checked the phone bill it was her boss. They had 2 young kids. *Always check the phone bill!*
> 
> He was in shock like most upfront. Wondering how he could save his marriage, etc. I was pretty abrupt (imagine that 😎). Like most he tried talking to her. Even her therapist told her she was making a huge mistake (to her credit for a therapist).
> A short time later one of his friends saw his wife and her AP out. That lit a fire. Luckily he had a great attorney and immediately filed for divorce. He sat his kids down and told them their mom had a boyfriend and they couldn’t be married anymore. Pretty sanitized. Told them who he was. Shockingly she’d already brought them around him. This is why I think the truth is so important. Kids aren’t stupid. Keeping them in the dark never get you a damn thing.
> ...


Guy handled it like a champ!


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Numb26 said:


> Guy handled it like a champ!


A lot like you.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Marc878 said:


> A lot like you.


I had help from the Department of Corrections with the No Contact. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Just wondered, why cut off her family? I am still in contact with my first husband's parents and sister. They did nothing wrong and were and are still my children's family. My marriage ended 22 years ago and my now husband of 16 years is more than happy to know my relatives as I still see them as.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Continued

After he filed for divorce. He boxed up all her belongings, pictures, etc. and stored them in his garage. To make a long story short he ended up paying alimony for 5 years, child support, usual asset split etc.
It’ll be 4 years end of this year so only another year before alimony ends. He has a great job and makes very good money but….
The X kept asking to get together “for the kids”, etc. He just doesn’t respond. He learned to ignore. It always amazes me they all of a sudden want whats best for the kids after blowing their life up.

Upfront he was down. Almost 40 blah, blah, bah. I told him you are going to be pleasantly surprised. A few weeks later he texted me. I don’t have time to date them all!!!!!
He played it smart. Never introduced the kids to anyone he was dating. He dated a lot!!!! A few came along that were maybe what he was looking for but he was in no hurry, not really sure. Most were contacting him. So a few years go by and he was contacted by what appeared to be a keeper but he still played it cool. Dated her for a year or so before deciding and finally introduced her to the kids.

His kids get along well with her. She puts in a lot of effort with the kids (he’s a great father, much better than I was). Makes a lot of effort around his mom. You can tell she’s a good person. Just by her actions with and around his family.

They are getting married tomorrow. So even though he got lemons 5 years ago. He made lemonade. I love a happy ending 👏👏👏👏


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Just wondered, why cut off her family? I am still in contact with my first husband's parents and sister. They did nothing wrong and were and are still my children's family. My marriage ended 22 years ago and my now husband of 16 years is more than happy to know my relatives as I still see them as.


It’s a form of contact he just didn’t want. They were ok with her having an affair. She is their daughter and they aren’t his family. Why be around that?
He has a large family and they do a lot together.

Plus there are some FOO issues.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> It’s a form of contact he just didn’t want. They were ok with her having an affair. She is their daughter and they aren’t his family. Why be around that?
> He has a large family and they do a lot together.
> 
> Plus there are some FOO issues.


My first husband's family were my family for the 25 year marriage. I have known my SIL since we were age 17 and 18. Neither of us has a sister so it's nice. 
I still see them as my family and they are my children's family of course. 
Thankfully my husband gets on well with them as well.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> My first husband's family were my family for the 25 year marriage. I have known my SIL since we were age 17 and 18. Neither of us has a sister so it's nice.
> I still see them as my family and they are my children's family of course.
> Thankfully my husband gets on well with them as well.


They were married 10 years. Her family is pretty dysfunctional and not that close. He felt like he needed the distance to move on with his life. His choice to make. It’s worked out well for him and his circumstances.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Unlike a lot once he got over the shock he went full bore to move on. He is accommodating on helping keep the kids xtra if his x needs help and I think she does the same. However, he limits all communication to text kids only. Anything else he ignores. He got a huge text last week from the X titled *Things I Should Tell My Husband *or something like that. He deleted without reading it. Now that is some willpower! 
His x is a stalker/snooper and it’s apparent that she wants to matter. Plus she knows he’s getting married even though he never tells her anything.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Marc878 said:


> Unlike a lot once he got over the shock he went full bore to move on. He is accommodating on helping keep the kids xtra if his x needs help and I think she does the same. However, he limits all communication to text kids only. Anything else he ignores. He got a huge text last week from the X titled *Things I Should Tell My Husband *or something like that. He deleted without reading it. Now that is some willpower!
> His x is a stalker/snooper and it’s apparent that she wants to matter. Plus she knows he’s getting married even though he never tells her anything.


I've found that there are women who, even though they don't necessarily want their ex, also want to think they were soooooo important that he couldn't move on.

I call this the princess imagination syndrome. My ex's first wife was like this....didn't want him but still wanted to be important. Of course his ****ty boundaries didn't help, but I digress.

Of course she may just be pissed off that he's not available to be plan B.


----------



## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

Hopefully he will have a few good friends at the wedding who are on the lookout for the ex just in case she wants to show up and make one last stand


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> I've found that there are women who, even though they don't necessarily want their ex, also want to think they were soooooo important that he couldn't move on.
> 
> I call this the princess imagination syndrome. My ex's first wife was like this....didn't want him but still wanted to be important. Of course his ****ty boundaries didn't help, but I digress.
> 
> Of course she may just be pissed off that he's not available to be plan B.


Definitely. I think his x just wants to matter. It’s not gender specific. She’s been going out of her way to try and find a way in from what I’ve seen but that ship has sailed. He just doesn’t want to be bothered.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Kamstel2 said:


> Hopefully he will have a few good friends at the wedding who are on the lookout for the ex just in case she wants to show up and make one last stand


Nope, they went away for the wedding and honeymoon. I think it’s more of her needing to matter now. He’s kept that door shut going on 4 years so…..


----------



## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

I don’t think he owes her a damn thing. Good for him for moving on & taking care of his kids


----------



## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Just wondered, why cut off her family? I am still in contact with my first husband's parents and sister. They did nothing wrong and were and are still my children's family. My marriage ended 22 years ago and my now husband of 16 years is more than happy to know my relatives as I still see them as.


Everyone is different. I think you get to a point where you have to do uncomfortable things to help yourself overcome the pain and suffering an affair can cause to your life.

My mil is like you when it comes to be in touch with her ex's family and other ex wives. 

I don't think I can be friendly if my mil knew about my husband's affair. I don't like people that lie.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

pastasauce79 said:


> Everyone is different. I think you get to a point where you have to do uncomfortable things to help yourself overcome the pain and suffering an affair can cause to your life.
> 
> My mil is like you when it comes to be in touch with her ex's family and other ex wives.
> 
> I don't think I can be friendly if my mil knew about my husband's affair. I don't like people that lie.


I missed that you were cheated on. Sorry about that.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Great share and advice @Marc878 .


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Just my opinion but the one thing I learned mainly from business is a decision is better than no decision.
Doing nothing or waiting around is not a decision. You can always alter or change course if issues warrant it. 
The only one that can make you a chump or keep you in limbo is yourself.


----------



## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> I missed that you were cheated on. Sorry about that.


I haven't been cheated on (knock on wood!) But my mil was... And even though she had a rough time after the affair, she moved on and has no resentment towards her ex. I really admire her!!


----------



## Wideopn Dave (Apr 11, 2013)

This was a great read. Reminded me of my divorce after my ex's multiple EA's / PA's. I cut her family off stone cold. My reasoning was simple. They sided with her with my exMIL even going as far as to say when the last PA was revealed to her that I made her think she'd raised a sl*t... I didn't bother to respond with the obvious 😂 

As far as the rest of her family went (her 2 sisters and their husbands) the husbands, who I'd become good friends with (or so I thought) over the 23yrs my ex and i were together, didn't bother to call or find out how I was coping after the ex left. So they deserved to be cut off as far as I'm concerned.

At my daughter's 21st a few years back my exMIL tried to befriend my wife (I remarried) and said they should get together and have coffee.... my wife said no thanks. ExMIL said she missed me and I'd always been so good to her and FIL.. yeah right pity that was forgotten as soon as her little lamb's sl**ty behaviour was revealed to her.

The final point I had to make to my family (my folks and brother) who had the same approach as Dianna7 ie the family hadn't done anything to them, I had to remind them of the way I was treated my ex's family at large and that if they (my family) were okay with that then I felt it was betrayal. In my view rather like being friends with the family of the person that murdered a family member of yours. 

Anyway its a free world and one size doesnt fit all as they say but in summary it was amazing to me how my ex and her family tried to be friends after what she did to me. No thanks. I have had zero contact with any of them since my daughters 21st and its awesome. Only one more event possibly and thats my daughters wedding...then never ever again.😂


----------



## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> Unlike a lot once he got over the shock he went full bore to move on. He is accommodating on helping keep the kids xtra if his x needs help and I think she does the same. However, he limits all communication to text kids only. Anything else he ignores. He got a huge text last week from the X titled *Things I Should Tell My Husband *or something like that. He deleted without reading it. Now that is some willpower!
> His x is a stalker/snooper and it’s apparent that she wants to matter. Plus she knows he’s getting married even though he never tells her anything.


Well to her he was a possession, a chattel, a walking ATM to be used and exploited until she grew tired of him. But he wasn't supposed to move on. He was supposed to pine away for her for the rest of his life, eschewing all other women and forgoing marriage to any new woman until he died alone and forsaken. He was her fallback plan in case life with her new man didn't work out. Then he pulled the rug out from under that fantasy. How dare he move on and be happy? This wasn't the way it was supposed to be! That is the way my ex-GF was: she was fine with me until her ex-husband found himself a younger prettier, then she dumped me like a rock and went back to him and schmoozed her way back into his life. She couldn't handle another woman taking over her cast-offs. Territorialism of the most profane kind.


----------



## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> Nope, they went away for the wedding and honeymoon. I think it’s more of her needing to matter now. He’s kept that door shut going on 4 years so…..


Maybe I missed it but did she marry the guy she was having the affair with?


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)




----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

ArthurGPym said:


> Maybe I missed it but did she marry the guy she was having the affair with?


No. They are still together. This wasn’t his first rodeo. His x wife told my friend he’d cheated multiple times before. Serial cheaters don’t stop so…..


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Wideopn Dave said:


> This was a great read. Reminded me of my divorce after my ex's multiple EA's / PA's. I cut her family off stone cold. My reasoning was simple. They sided with her with my exMIL even going as far as to say when the last PA was revealed to her that I made her think she'd raised a sl*t... I didn't bother to respond with the obvious 😂
> 
> As far as the rest of her family went (her 2 sisters and their husbands) the husbands, who I'd become good friends with (or so I thought) over the 23yrs my ex and i were together, didn't bother to call or find out how I was coping after the ex left. So they deserved to be cut off as far as I'm concerned.
> 
> ...


You see this all the time. People don’t want to judge or take sides? Really? It’s ********. You can bet your ass. If they don’t take your side when it comes to infidelity/betrayal. They are judging you. *YOU DON’t MATTER!!!*
Why in the hell do you want people like that in your life? It’s a perfect time to take out the trash.


----------



## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

He did a great job. The only solution to a cheating wife is immediate divorce and never look back.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> My first husband's family were my family for the 25 year marriage. I have known my SIL since we were age 17 and 18. Neither of us has a sister so it's nice.
> I still see them as my family and they are my children's family of course.
> Thankfully my husband gets on well with them as well.


If the family condoned the affair they are no better the the cheater and should be cut off.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> If the family condoned the affair they are no better the the cheater and should be cut off.


Not just that but when you divorce a cheating spouse you have to DIVORCE every part of the person


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

There are some that would never cheat again. The problem is repeated infidelity is not that uncommon nor is it gender specific. So how do you really know? The truth is you don’t. Cheating is not a mistake. It’s a decision. Normally it takes time, effort and planning. 
IMO you should take the time to answer the question. Knowing what you know now would you marry them? That’s what reconciliation is. A remarriage.


----------



## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

There's just so much wrong here. I'd rather be single that stay with a woman another man has defiled. For me, infidelity is the ultimate disrespect of a relationship and can never truly be fixed. But some men don't mind being cucks...


----------



## christine29 (Nov 30, 2021)

Nice story.. too many lessons to learn there! Sometimes cutting people off and focusing on you and self care is really what needs to be done. If it's for the best then it's for the best. Also shows people's true colors.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

If anyone tries the reconciliation route there are specifics that should be in place.
Can the betrayed spouse live with it long term? 
Recourse not just sorry about getting caught. Hard for some to determine.
Zero contact with the AP
The truth
Transparency
Exposure to the other betrayed spouse if there is one
Individual Counciling (if you can find a decent one)

In this case the specifics weren’t there and he wisely chose to move forward. Life is pretty short. I’ve seen some waste a lot of time and effort tying up months, even years in these things.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

If my wife and I were to split for whatever reason and I were to run into her family at Wal Mart or wherever, I would be polite and say hi. 

If they kept it at common pleasantries like where are the kids going to college etc I wouldn’t have any issue with mundane small talk. I mean just because we split doesn’t mean I need to be a jerk about it. 

But if they tried to influence me or sway me into doing something I wasn’t inclined to do - buh bye.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> View attachment 82524


Boss is the only term that applies. Great post!


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> If my wife and I were to split for whatever reason and I were to run into her family at Wal Mart or wherever, I would be polite and say hi.
> 
> If they kept it at common pleasantries like where are the kids going to college etc I wouldn’t have any issue with mundane small talk. I mean just because we split doesn’t mean I need to be a jerk about it.
> 
> But if they tried to influence me or sway me into doing something I wasn’t inclined to do - buh bye.


You don’t have to be a jerk to apply no contact if that’s what you want or feel you need. In this case if they see him and say hi. He responds but not much more than that. Civil but distant.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Marc878 said:


> You see this all the time. People don’t want to judge or take sides? Really? It’s ******. You can bet your ass. If they don’t take your side when it comes to infidelity/betrayal. They are judging you. *YOU DON’t MATTER!!!*
> Why in the hell do you want people like that in your life? It’s a perfect time to take out the trash.


My in-laws covered for my exH. He had a stash of clothes and personal effects at their house (I found out when I asked him to come for his sh1t after DD), he had a secret credit card he used to find his affair that they gave him money to pay and God knows what else. His sister and father didn't say a word to me when his "gf" showed up at the ER the night his mom was taken there.

So you bet your ass I cut them out like the cancer they were. They're still sending me cards every holiday (holiday, valentine's my birthday) more than 2 yrs later saying how much they "all" still love me. They turned their backs on me when their son screwed me over while I was still recovering from major surgery, that kind of love is worthless.

Anyone who tells me I should be the better person, I am the best I can be. I wasn't abusive or disrespectful to anyone, I simply moved without a word, ghosted everyone and went on with my life. What's the point in keeping in contact with morally bankrupt people?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Marc878 said:


> Just my opinion but the one thing I learned mainly from business is a decision is better than no decision.
> Doing nothing or waiting around is not a decision. You can always alter or change course if issues warrant it.
> The only one that can make you a chump or keep you in limbo is yourself.


Active mistakes are better than passive misktakes. From the former you gain insight into what you could’ve done _better_, from the latter you learn only that you should’ve done _something_.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TXTrini said:


> My in-laws covered for my exH. He had a stash of clothes and personal effects at their house (I found out when I asked him to come for his sh1t after DD), he had a secret credit card he used to find his affair that they gave him money to pay and God knows what else. His sister and father didn't say a word to me when his "gf" showed up at the ER the night his mom was taken there.
> 
> So you bet your ass I cut them out like the cancer they were. They're still sending me cards every holiday (holiday, valentine's my birthday) more than 2 yrs later saying how much they "all" still love me. They turned their backs on me when their son screwed me over while I was still recovering from major surgery, that kind of love is worthless.
> 
> Anyone who tells me I should be the better person, I am the best I can be. I wasn't abusive or disrespectful to anyone, I simply moved without a word, ghosted everyone and went on with my life. What's the point in keeping in contact with morally bankrupt people?


Ridding yourself of **** people can only serve to make you better sooo 🤷🏻‍♂️


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Ridding yourself of **** people can only serve to make you better sooo 🤷🏻‍♂️


Boy, you have no idea!

Even with the challenges the last few years, it's been nice and peaceful without their drama.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

TXTrini said:


> My in-laws covered for my exH. He had a stash of clothes and personal effects at their house (I found out when I asked him to come for his sh1t after DD), he had a secret credit card he used to find his affair that they gave him money to pay and God knows what else. His sister and father didn't say a word to me when his "gf" showed up at the ER the night his mom was taken there.
> 
> So you bet your ass I cut them out like the cancer they were. They're still sending me cards every holiday (holiday, valentine's my birthday) more than 2 yrs later saying how much they "all" still love me. They turned their backs on me when their son screwed me over while I was still recovering from major surgery, that kind of love is worthless.
> 
> Anyone who tells me I should be the better person, I am the best I can be. I wasn't abusive or disrespectful to anyone, I simply moved without a word, ghosted everyone and went on with my life. What's the point in keeping in contact with morally bankrupt people?


Even without the crap you just posted if they chose not to take sides in a situation like this. They are taking sides. Why have those types in your life.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Marc878 said:


> You don’t have to be a jerk to apply no contact if that’s what you want or feel you need. In this case if they see him and say hi. He responds but not much more than that. Civil but distant.


It all depends on context and particulars.

If they were involved and conspirators in the affair or were somehow participants in hurting you, then yeah, let them hear static. 

But if they had nothing to do with it and they keep everything at a civil, common curtesy level, then I will do the same. 

I think preemptively blocking people that haven’t actually done anything is overly reactionary and just makes one look like the jerk whether they actually mean to be a jerk or not.

But Again, if the ex in-laws are trying to influence or sway outcomes or are being jerks themselves, that’s a whole other story.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> It all depends on context and particulars.
> 
> If they were involved and conspirators in the affair or were somehow participants in hurting you, then yeah, let them hear static.
> 
> ...


I’ll say it again. If they see nothing wrong with this type of behavior why would you have those types around or have any open forms of contact?


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Marc878 said:


> I’ll say it again. If they see nothing wrong with this type of behavior why would you have those types around or have any open forms of contact?


If they supported the affair, then at least theoretically they would have no reason to contact me or have anything to do with me in the first place. Hearing from them should be the last thing I’d need to worry about. 

I’ve never been divorced but I had a few LTRs ranging from 27 to almost 40 years ago. A couple of which cheated on me and left. I haven’t heard a peep out of a single one of their families...... ever.

So unless someone makes it an issue,, I don’t think it’s an issue.

But if someone starts being a peckerhead or they start trying to get into my business somehow - then it’s time to take action.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> If they supported the affair, then at least theoretically they would have no reason to contact me or have anything to do with me in the first place. Hearing from them should be the last thing I’d need to worry about.
> 
> I’ve never been divorced but I had a few LTRs ranging from 27 to almost 40 years ago. A couple of which cheated on me and left. I haven’t heard a peep out of a single one of their families...... ever.
> 
> ...


You’d be surprised. Some people have no shame. Example: x mil making the statement that the AP seems like a nice guy then wanting to come over for his family’s big annual Christmas party. 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
Nope, he did the best thing and cut them all off. He is particular with who he has around.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Marc878 said:


> You’d be surprised. Some people have no shame. Example: x mil making the statement that the AP seems like a nice guy then wanting to come over for his family’s big annual Christmas party. 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
> Nope, he did the best thing and cut them all off. He is particular with who he has around.


Yeah it’s all situational. 

No way in hell I’d ever go to an ex’s Christmas. 

But I can’t imagine ever being invited so I don’t think it’s something I’d need to preemptively block. 

If people started doing weird stuff like that, then yeah, do whatcha gotta do.

I guess what’s going through my mind is if I start preemptively blocking people for no reason who didn’t do anything to me, that would just make me look like the jerk and would give them fodder to point fingers. 

Even if they didn’t initially support or condone the affair, some people would see that as making the first strike or lashing out against innocent parties and would start to think the WS had just cause after all. 

Often times the best karma is taking the high road and living the best life.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

at con


oldshirt said:


> Yeah it’s all situational.
> 
> No way in hell I’d ever go to an ex’s Christmas.
> 
> ...


Well, I suppose you have some karma to make up for. Good talk.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> Yeah it’s all situational.
> 
> No way in hell I’d ever go to an ex’s Christmas.
> 
> ...


Who cares what other people think. If they accept the AP they accept the affair. In this case he cut them all off and moved on. They are nothing to him. Why be around that. It worked out fine.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

TXTrini said:


> at con
> 
> Well, I suppose you have some karma to make up for. Good talk.


 ?????????


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I don’t believe in karma. I believe for the most part your life is what you make it. If that entails cutting undesirables out of it, good. Why waste time on those types.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> ?????????


I read some of your old threads.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

TXTrini said:


> I read some of your old threads.


I’m not sure what that has to do with this thread or topic but OK.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> I’m not sure what that has to do with this thread or topic but OK.


I just found it rich that you would lecture people about taking the higher road when you have not, is all.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Marc878 said:


> You see this all the time. People don’t want to judge or take sides? Really? It’s ******. You can bet your ass. If they don’t take your side when it comes to infidelity/betrayal. They are judging you. *YOU DON’t MATTER!!!*
> Why in the hell do you want people like that in your life? It’s a perfect time to take out the trash.


The sides are right and wrong, good and evil...that is it! After my sister's affair and BinL took her cheating ass back. She seems to be back to normal now. People don't think about future when your hubby is 18 yrs your senior.

I pray the Lord takes her out if she is going to do this in the future. I rather go to her funeral than have a cheating sister.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Marc878 said:


> Who cares what other people think. If they accept the AP they accept the affair. In this case he cut them all off and moved on. They are nothing to him. Why be around that. It worked out fine.


When we discovered my sister's, affair after her attempted suicide, I told my wife that BinL will always be my brother and we as family will visit him as he is family. My kids call him "Buddy". Sister.... not so much. 

We used to be close and talk often...not any more. Talk to her maybe every 2 weeks on phone. During her affair she quit most contact with us.

My wife knew she was cheating long before the suicide attempt. Wife has a 6th sense when it comes to that. Her ex serial cheating hubby honed her senses I guess.
Wife walked into the ER that night and just ask my sister flat out, "How long has it been going on?" Sister said 2.5 F'ing years!!!

She distanced herself from us when she realized my wife could read her mail. It is actually spooky how my wife can see a couple and tell who is cheating and it turns out to be true.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Got a message this morning. They are married and now on their honeymoon!
🥳🥳🥳👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏😎😎
He made lemonade out of lemons.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

THE LEMONADE MAN!!!
🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Divinely Favored said:


> When we discovered my sister's, affair after her attempted suicide, I told my wife that BinL will always be my brother and we as family will visit him as he is family. My kids call him "Buddy". Sister.... not so much.
> 
> We used to be close and talk often...not any more. Talk to her maybe every 2 weeks on phone. During her affair she quit most contact with us.
> 
> ...


Most often blood is thicker than water. I applaud you for being able to rise above that. I’m sure your BIL does too. Good honest people who rise up and call BS in these situations are rare.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The one thing I see in situations like this is so many try and hide it, lie to kids and family, etc.
Whenever I hear “I’m gonna take the high road”. To me that’s a conflict avoidant, doormat. Doormats get walked on. Clearing the air is a good thing. I think it makes moving on a lot easier if you get that crap off your chest.
The other thing you often hear is revenge is bad. *BS*. If you let people treat you like crap you’ll just get more of it.
Revenge or consequences are great if well planned and executed properly. Plus it has the effect I’ve found if people know you won’t tolerate unacceptable behavior they don’t cross that line. It makes life a lot easier.
When my friend mailed the letter from the AP’s wife to all friends and family it definitely cleared the air and let everyone know what was going on.
It’s also a perfect time to evaluate people around you. The definition of friend is loyal, honest, trustworthy. It’s a perfect time to empty the trash.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Marc878 said:


> Most often blood is thicker than water. I applaud you for being able to rise above that. I’m sure your BIL does too. Good honest people who rise up and call BS in these situations are rare.


To me, what is right rules the day. Cousin is same. He come over for Thanksgiving, is an Asst Police chief. His half brother had a parole warrant. Cousin said if he shows up he will arrest him and take him in. 

I refuse to waiver on my moral integrity. To me....not taking a stand against something is waivering.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

They are on their honeymoon 🥳. It took him awhile but he’s now onto a much better life.
We spoke the other day and he now realizes he’s got a much better future than he could have ever had with his X. It did take a lot of time/effort but it’s paying off.


----------



## Davit Bek (Sep 9, 2021)

Can't like this while thread enough.


----------



## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Did your friend's ex-wife ever show any contrition or did she ever apologize to him at all?


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

ArthurGPym said:


> Did your friend's ex-wife ever show any contrition or did she ever apologize to him at all?


No, later on she kept bugging to get together for the kids, etc. A lot of blame shifting which is typical. He learned to ignore pretty early. No social media, etc. So there’s not a lot of distraction or interference on his end. His willpower on eliminating unnecessary contact is great from what I’ve seen.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Marc878 said:


> No, later on she kept bugging to get together for the kids, etc. A lot of blame shifting which is typical. He learned to ignore pretty early. No social media, etc. So there’s not a lot of distraction or interference on his end. His willpower on eliminating unnecessary contact is great from what I’ve seen.


Old dogs don't learn new tricks without a lot of effort and desire.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

TXTrini said:


> Old dogs don't learn new tricks without a lot of effort and desire.


Most past a certain age don’t change from what I’ve see. There’s no use beating a dead horse.


----------

