# What just happened?



## Married-Man (Dec 6, 2011)

Took my wife and kids for an afternoon outing to a park.. Enjoyable. On the way back we noticed a classic car show in a quaint town... We thought it would be fun to get some snacks and check out the cars.. So we did.

My sons (9 and 11) see (what I soon learned) was a '50s era roadster convertible and approached it... The owner - some guy I would guess to be in his late 70s or 80 (who knows?) is there. Kids ask if they can get in and he obliges them.. Nice right? It's not my thing but I Make some conversation- compliment the car and such... 

Just thinking out loud...I ask him if he is the original owner. He says it is his wife's... And then shouts over to her "HE JUST ASKED IF YOU'RE THE ORIGINAL OWNER!!!" she just smiled and I tried to mitigate the embarrassment by adding... Maybe someone from their family was the original owner... and tried to laugh it off. 

Meanwhile my wife is right there and starts preparing to take pictures of the kids in the car. The man sees what she's doing and tells her to reposition the shot so as to cut me out... Because you wouldn't want him (me) in the frame because "ANYONE STUPID ENOUGH TO ASK ME IF I'M THE ORIGINAL OWNER...OMG!!!"

I just sighed and shook my head and then asked him.. "So You weren't around in the '50s huh?" He said .. "We were but we were very young". I just walked away... Meanwhile my wife n kids seem to keep snapping pics and enjoying it.. They say nothing.They catch up with me a few minutes later and my 11 year old is asking my wife "what? he called daddy stupid"? 

Then subject was changed and we kept walking. Meanwhile I'm feeling humiliated. Regretting not telling him off. I'm a very big guy and this old guy called me stupid in front of my wife and kids. 

My wife is extremely non confrontational and I presume just smiles and and giggled and thanked him dearly for letting our kids sit in his precious awesome car...that's her style smile and thank everyone for everything.... I am really regretting not ripping my kids out if the car on the spot and mf'ing him and his pos car in full view of both groups. Not exactly the high road.. But instead I just wandered away without rebuking him. My wife's only comments were "maybe he's just mad because you thought he looked old"

Maybe I should just laugh it off and say "that's his problem". But fact is I feel I was humiliated in front of my wife and kids did not defend myself... If I could do it over again I would retaliate and insult him back or at least stop the photo session and extract my kids... But I didn't and I regret it...

Just venting... Thanks for any thoughts.


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

You took the high road. You set a much better example for your kids than if you had retaliated. If something like that happened to my husband, I'd be much more embarrassed if he went off on the old man than if he did what you did and just ignored it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Good for you.... agree that your approach was a much better example to your kids.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

"Well, you do look like you're closing in on 80 or so, so yeah... I figured it was a legit question. Maybe calm the f*ck down before you give yourself a heart attack, geezer."


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## Married-Man (Dec 6, 2011)

Thanks for your feedback Nynaeve and TJW...

These types of interactions with strangers out in public seem to pop up from time to time... In traffic - in line - at car shows... A man needs to retain dignity and pride.... I'm just not feeling I did that yesterday... Maybe it's just in my own head.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

The guy is a jerk. I totally get your question. My dad is 74 and his first car back when he was 14-15 was a roadster that he restored himself, (his dad owned a gas station and garage), so I can see that you were asking the idiot if had the car since he was a teenager. I pretty sure if you had asked my dad that same question he would've understood what you meant.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I have been watching a lot of car shows with my husband on TV and you hear all the time, that question. Original owner? So, the old's man answer and attitude is that of a jerk. Why you think his wife was away from him and acting the way she was. She knows he is a jerk.

You behave correctly. Just tell your sons that some people like acting like jerks and put down other people but that's not the way to go.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Hey man- he should be embarrassed, not you.

You handled it fine. 

You would've taught your kids the wrong lesson if you got into it with the guy.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I'm a brutally honest person.

I would have smiled and rebuked him without cussing or making a scene then grabbed the kiddos and the wifey and left.

It would have been a smart assed retort too. Kinda like gus' actually...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Married-Man said:


> Thanks for your feedback Nynaeve and TJW...
> 
> These types of interactions with strangers out in public seem to pop up from time to time... In traffic - in line - at car shows... A man needs to retain dignity and pride.... I'm just not feeling I did that yesterday... Maybe it's just in my own head.


You should probably cut yourself some slack. If I had to guess, I'd imagine that the guy's advanced age had something to do w/ your response. When we're young, we're taught to respect our elders and, once we have children of our own, we teach them to do the same.

It's because of this, I think, that it can be difficult for most folks to respond to the elderly in a manner similar to the manner in which we'd likely respond to someone of our own age in a situation involving any sort of aggression or confrontation.

A year or so ago, while driving to breakfast w/ my wife and nephew, I inadvertently cut a guy off while making a lane change. I hadn't even seen the guy. Though my wife pointed out my error pretty much immediately (she's good like that... LOL), I figured "Oh well, no harm, no foul", and I shrugged it off.

Well, he apparently didn't feel the same way, because he followed us to the restaurant. We'd just gotten out of the truck and were walking into the restaurant when he pulled up on us, ranting and shouting. Though caught completely off-guard, I attempted to apologize while _calmly_ explaining to him that I hadn't even seen him. He wasn't having any of it. What finally got him to STFU was me taking a couple of steps toward him and shouting, "I apologize! How about that?!?" Completely disarmed him. His facial expression completely changed, he shut up, put his truck in gear, and left.

If I had to guess, I'd say that the guy was mid 60's to early 70's, and _maybe_ 5'8" and 200 lbs. I, on the other hand, am between 6'1" and 6'2" and... well, BIGGER. I'm 40 now, so I'd have been 38/39 at the time.

Initially I felt badly about my response, both because I'd allowed myself to become aggressive at all AND because I didn't take a firmer stance. But what was I going to do... pull the old bastard out of his truck and beat the sh*t out of him in the parking lot?!? I can't imagine a worse lesson for my nephew.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
It is most often our perceptions that make us feel a certain way. You asked a legitimate question. Perhaps the old gentleman was feeling particularly inferior that day or perhaps he just is not very polite but in any event, how would you insulting him back elevate your status in the eyes of your wife or children? In my opinion, you handled the situation as gracefully as was possible and thereby provided a good example of societal behavior to your children. IMO, had you insulted him back or, worse yet, involved violence , then you would truly have acted stupidly. As it was, all of the stupid behavior was on him.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

In hindsight, maybe you asked a dumb question. You probably did. Big deal. Everyone gets asked dumb questions all the time.

This guy? His car shlt is his whole identity, and he's got no sense of humor or humility when he's in his hot rod mentality. In short, he's got no class.

The Dumb Question thing is where where you separate the real men from the punks in terms of class.

If you had asked Joe Dimaggio, Mickey Mantle a similar, out of era comment, they would have had grinned, and replied "No that was before my time." 

The End. Civility and grace would have kept the moment as it was intended.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Married-Man said:


> Took my wife and kids for an afternoon outing to a park.. Enjoyable. On the way back we noticed a classic car show in a quaint town... We thought it would be fun to get some snacks and check out the cars.. So we did.
> 
> My sons (9 and 11) see (what I soon learned) was a '50s era roadster convertible and approached it... The owner - some guy I would guess to be in his late 70s or 80 (who knows?) is there. Kids ask if they can get in and he obliges them..  Nice right? It's not my thing but I Make some conversation- compliment the car and such...
> 
> ...


I understand your regret, but I think you handled it perfectly. It's quite possible he's suffering from early stages of dementia and is paranoid and took what you said the wrong way.

I totally don't understand why he took offense at the question, it makes absolutely no sense to me. It's possible he's just a jerk, but if that's true - it's not worth making a scene telling him off, possibly embarrassing your family. He's just some weird stranger -- no more important than a gnat flitting about. Certainly not a part of your world!


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> The guy is a jerk. I totally get your question. My dad is 74 and his first car back when he was 14-15 was a roadster that he restored himself, (his dad owned a gas station and garage), so I can see that you were asking the idiot if had the car since he was a teenager. I pretty sure if you had asked my dad that same question he would've understood what you meant.


And your dad probably would have been thrilled to report that, yes, he was! (Or "no, but I got it as a teen and restored it!). The question to me sounds like polite small talk that would flatter many people. I think the car owner is either a jerk or may have a dementia type problem.


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## Married-Man (Dec 6, 2011)

I appreciate the perspective and comments, thanks - it helps me process. 

Ego and pride a tricky.... Mine are touchy. 

Civility and grace... I should focus there. Thanks TAM


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

What happened is no reflection on you at all, in fact you came out smelling of roses and illustrated to your kids how a gentleman should react. The old guy probably felt miffed at being called 'old' and anyone some people know nothing about cars or as in my case don'g give a **** about cars that doesn't make them unintelligent, they may know stuff on other topics. I think you are reading far too much into this, LET IT GO!


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Married-Man said:


> I appreciate the perspective and comments, thanks - it helps me process.
> 
> Ego and pride a tricky.... Mine are touchy.
> 
> Civility and grace... I should focus there. Thanks TAM


I think it's very tricky because like your wife, I'm very non-confrontational, and I often later feel ashamed of myself for *not* standing up to a-holes. But this guy clearly had a screw loose and he's just not important in the big scheme of things.

My husband and I donate to a charitable organization that puts on receptions before ball games for the donors. We see the same people again and again, but it's a large group so we don't know most of them.

At one even this guy I'd noticed many times just walked up and cut right in front of me in the food line. Then his wife walked up and joined him. I was like ...um... ok? but I didn't say anything. I also noticed one pants leg was partially tucked into his sock. 

Later a friend of mine pointed him and his wife out to me and said she feels so bad for them because he has Alzheimer's and it's getting really hard for his wife to care for him. Thank God I didn't said anything. You just never know what's going on in someone's life.

Now, if your car guy had said something rude to your wife or kids, I think it would have been more appropriate to say something (civil bur firm) to stand up for them and immediately leave.


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## Married-Man (Dec 6, 2011)

All good points. Thanks.

Another thing that irritates me a bit about this (yes I dwell where I probably should not) is that my wife -- ever the demure polite smiling lady -- seemed OK with letting the kids stay in the car and take pictures after I wandered away from the weird exchange.. then smiled and thanked him for the experience. Like she wasn't offended or didn't care that someone just called her husband 'Stupid' to her face..smiled and thanked him. 

Her frame of mind is likely - "why bother? why get into an uncomfortable exchange with a stranger." I've not really spoken to her about it.. still a bit embarrassed (less so after seeing your responses here) and a bit miffed at her non-reaction/polite thankfulness to kooky-car-guy.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Married-Man said:


> All good points. Thanks.
> 
> Another thing that irritates me a bit about this (yes I dwell where I probably should not) is that my wife -- ever the demure polite smiling lady -- seemed OK with letting the kids stay in the car and take pictures after I wandered away from the weird exchange.. then smiled and thanked him for the experience. Like she wasn't offended or didn't care that someone just called her husband 'Stupid' to her face..smiled and thanked him.
> 
> Her frame of mind is likely - "why bother? why get into an uncomfortable exchange with a stranger." I've not really spoken to her about it.. still a bit embarrassed (less so after seeing your responses here) and a bit miffed at her non-reaction/polite thankfulness to kooky-car-guy.


That's not really fair. The guy embarrassed YOU and YOU did nothing about it. She probably thought it didn't bother you since you said nothing. Bottom line is you made a statement and this guy acted like a fool. You were embarrassed and didn't stick up for yourself. I think you are mad at yourself so don't make that about her.

As for what to do in those situations you never have go in complete attack mode. As silly as the comment you made its possible he did the same thing, out of embarrassment. Some people are asses and some just say dumb things. What I think you should have done was own it. 

"Yeah that was a silly thing to say but is thier a reason you are being so rude and in front of my family?" If that didn't back him down then you know he is an ass


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

I have cherished friendships with a couple classic car guys. Smart, progressive thinkers. But the vast majority beyond that I've found to be real a-holes. But one teaching moment you can continue to have with your kids (because they will probably bring it up again, namely when they see another classic car) is how sometimes we can be in conflict about how to respond to someone when we are verbally attacked, because there are so many factors to think about. Everyone has their own story. What's the Plato line ... "Be kind, for everyone has fought a hard battle."

I used to drive a beautiful old classic convertible when the kids were quite small. I once accidentally changed lanes in front of a guy. He laid on the horn. I then launched my middle finger in the air for the entire highway to see. Great job dad. When we're on that stretch of road, my (now) teenagers ALWAYS bring it up : o


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

There are some scenarios deserving of asserting ourselves. There are some scenarios deserving of a mental 'shrug' and continuing on with our day. 

It seems this really is about how you feel about yourself.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Old guy is ashamed of being old and gets assigned by his wife to show off her car.

You come in with an awesome family who has their respect.

What do you think actually happened there?


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## Married-Man (Dec 6, 2011)

I spoke to my wife about it... She thinks it's regrettable that I would let this ruin my weekend. I do to. She thinks I handled it the right way by not ruining it for the kids (who didn't notice what happened). She said she would have been upset if I escalated or made a big deal and that I handled it with class and he did not. She also pointed out he might have a loose screw...and why argue with a fool? Just unfortunate that I need to stew about it for 2 days. 

Why allow myself to be victimized by some rondo kook ? Don't know. But I did. Pride/ego/self-esteem I guess. 

And like heartsbeating said it really has/had nothing to do with car guy... But rather how I see/feel about myself. I wish I'd had a John Wayne/James Bond type tough/subtle/elegant reply at the ready...that is my regret. hopefully next time. Never have been fast on my feet with this stuff... I don't expect to be insulted while trying to engage in friendly banter with people....

Moving on....


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Sounds a bit like the old guy's wife wears the pants and he took some misdirected frustration out on you. 

Pay no heed. You did the right thing. 

Some day you too may be a grumpy, old guy. But you'll know better than to tear a younger, buffer guy a new one if he asks what you deem to be an obvious question. Your children will know better, too. Pass the lesson forward.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

You keyed the car as you walked away, right? Please tell me you keyed the car as you walked away.


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