# Suggestion to send a warning pm before banning



## Adex

I posted a thread about a week and a half ago and it was deleted, I'm assuming by a moderator. I wasn't sure why it was deleted, so I reposted it and was banned for a week.

My suggestion is, if a member does something against the policies, before a ban is instituted, a warning should be sent in a private message before it occurs.

In my case, had a moderator warned me in a pm why my thread was deleted, I wouldn't have reposted it. In fact, I still don't know why it was deleted. 

If a warning is sent, this will educate the site's members on the policies and avoid unnecessarily banning a member which could foster bad feelings in them.


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## nunikit

From a newbie's view that would make sense to me.


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## Chris H.

I know we are pretty strict here, and I know we don't always explain ourselves well enough. I have been guilty of it in the past myself. Part of the problem is that the community is very large, and we have only a few volunteer mods who help keep it up.

So I'm sorry for the lack of explanation. The best thing you can do is spend some time reading the forum rules to make sure you don't get in trouble. At registration, they are presented and they are stickied at the top of the General section and the sex section has specific rules stickied as well.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/2117-forum-rules-please-read-first.html

Sex Section Rules:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/2459-sex-section-rules-please-read-first.html


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## Chris H.

I went ahead and look at your post. It was a violation of sex section rules because it was not a problem you were seeking help for. Also, you posted it a third time after it was deleted twice, so I can see why the mod got frustrated. I probably would have banned you too (short term of course - it's just a little time off).


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## PBear

But if someone doesn't know why it's deleted, it could seem like a glitch or something. I understand being a small group of mods, but just saying "please read the rules" would sometimes help as an explanation. And reduce the workload.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered

If my turtle gets deleted will I be banned for reposting it?


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## ATC529R

they really should move the ban button away from the shift key.


it's gotten me a few times on accident.


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## Chris H.

PBear said:


> But if someone doesn't know why it's deleted, it could seem like a glitch or something. I understand being a small group of mods, but just saying "please read the rules" would sometimes help as an explanation. And reduce the workload.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Understood. I think we usually do, but the sex section is particularly challenging because we get so much stuff that is inappropriate.


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## Chris H.

ATC529R said:


> they really should move the ban button away from the shift key.
> 
> 
> it's gotten me a few times on accident.


I've heard this place compared to China a few times!


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## Amplexor

I did the ban. Most members clue in when it's deleted once. It's not my job to explain the rules, they are plainly posted especially in SIM. The thread was clearly in violation of the SIM rules. Sometimes I send a warning if its a new user, otherwise I assume members are familiar with the rules.


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## Conrad

Chris H. said:


> I've heard this place compared to China a few times!


I laughed out loud on that one.


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## larry.gray

You should consider adding a few more moderators ;-)


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## tom67

Amplexor said:


> I did the ban. Most members clue in when it's deleted once. It's not my job to explain the rules, they are plainly posted especially in SIM. The thread was clearly in violation of the SIM rules. Sometimes I send a warning if its a new user, otherwise I assume members are familiar with the rules.


And you are happy plus I like the old computers you dealt withsorry threadjack not Kojak.


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## YinPrincess

I think this is a good idea... But it is also why there are rules posted on this site... To help you determine what behavior is and isn't acceptable... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## geek down

A PM would be nice...give people a warning before bringing down the ban hammer. I could see this being used for most infractions. 

However, I could see how some people would take the PM as a personal dig and go nuts..


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## that_girl

So I can't brag about the amazing sex in my life 

What if I have a problem with it...

*snark*


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## Shaggy

Alternatively some other boards have the deleted post entry remain, but the content is replaced with "deleted for following rules.."


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## Chris H.

The problem is, people are a lot more likely to break the rules if they know (or think) they'll get a warning. If they know they will probably get banned for breaking the rules, they will be a lot more careful not to break them.

You guys may not realize it, but one of the main reasons TAM is such a great place to post, is the fact that we are strict when it comes to being respectful to others here (rule #1). 

There are a lot of other boards on the web where people constantly spew their anger towards each other through personal attacks and name calling, and if you've ever been to one, you'll know how ugly they can be.

When people start that stuff here, if they are brand new, we permaban them for the first offense. If they have been around a while we kind of have an unwritten "3 strikes you're out" policy. We keep notes on all warned and banned users so mods can easily look at their history.

So I'm not going to apologize for banning without warning, or even act like we'll consider softening up. Sometimes we do give warnings, but it's usually for things that are borderline against the rules, or grey areas.

You see, banning without warning may seem cruel in some ways, but it is actually the secret to maintaining such a healthy, supportive community.

Our goal is to provide a supportive community for people to seek marital help and to help others. We will remove any member who gets in the way of that goal. I like to call it the "Talk About Marriage Relocation Program."


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## Adex

Chris H. said:


> I went ahead and look at your post. It was a violation of sex section rules because it was not a problem you were seeking help for. Also, you posted it a third time after it was deleted twice, so I can see why the mod got frustrated. I probably would have banned you too (short term of course - it's just a little time off).


Ok, but actually I only posted it twice. It was deleted the first time and I posted it again wondering why. Then I was banned and it said the reason was for reposting a deleted thread.


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## Adex

Amplexor said:


> I did the ban. Most members clue in when it's deleted once. It's not my job to explain the rules, they are plainly posted especially in SIM. The thread was clearly in violation of the SIM rules. Sometimes I send a warning if its a new user, otherwise I assume members are familiar with the rules.


Well, I remember posting one thread awhile ago in the sex forum and it was deleted. I didn't know why because it had like 15 pages on it, but then it was gone. I didn't repost that.

I posted the next topic on footjobs once and it was deleted. I was simply asking if others enjoy it more than sex. I've seen lots of posts like that on other topics in the sex forum. When it was deleted I was confused, so reposted it only to get banned. I guess that topic is totally off limits.


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## ScarletBegonias

I'd volunteer to be a mod if I thought it would help the site.I think I might be too strict though


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## geek down

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'd volunteer to be a mod if I thought it would help the site.I think I might be too strict though


the Scarlet hammer.....I'm scared already!


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## Dollystanford

Amplexor said:


> I did the ban. Most members clue in when it's deleted once. It's not my job to explain the rules, they are plainly posted especially in SIM. The thread was clearly in violation of the SIM rules. Sometimes I send a warning if its a new user, otherwise I assume members are familiar with the rules.


God he's so alpha


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## LovesHerMan

Dollystanford said:


> God he's so alpha


Swoon!


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## pidge70

Dollystanford said:


> God he's so alpha


:rofl:


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