# Manly Man vs. Sensitive Man



## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

My wife and I started talking about his out of nowhere last night, and I thought it would be a good discussion for the forum.

Women like guys that are sensitive, loving, caring, affectionate listen to them, help them around the house...

BUT... many women will also say they still want a man to be a man. The don't want them to be too pushy about feelings, or too sensitive, etc. etc. etc. 

It's a tough balance for many men to try to maintain. Where are the lines and what types of things to women like and dislike. Maybe use examples from your relationships or past relationships.

Just want to see where this goes.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Ha Ha i dont think you will find a anwser !! for me it depends on the time of month hormone levels and how my days gone  Its good to feel protected yet its still good to have someone help and lisen !!! lol mmmm ill have half of each lol


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

humpty dumpty said:


> Ha Ha i dont think you will find a anwser !! for me it depends on the time of month hormone levels and how my days gone  Its good to feel protected yet its still good to have someone help and lisen !!! lol mmmm ill have half of each lol


And that right there is why it can be so confusing for us men!!! 

You don't even know for sure what you want, and it depends on what time of the month it is?

I'm just curious if there are certain things that you or your SO really likes or dislikes on either the manly or the sensitive side. 

Like with my wife. She loves that I cook and do the dishes, but she also loves that I always drive when we go anywhere and that I always get out of bed to check on the "bumps" in the night.

And she likes that I tell her things like "You are the best thing that's happened to me", but at the same time, she likes when I say more crude things like "Damn her ass looks good in that skirt".

But if get too weak sounding or say too much, it can be kind of a turn-off to her.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Being sensitive, I felt compelled to reply. Why can't a man be loving, caring, and still be considered "manly." My husband is very unemotional. He mows the lawn. He can bench press his weight and can beat up an attacker if we happen to get mugged. But how useful is that on a daily basis? I rather have a kind husband that is capable of listening and understanding me as a person. Those traits should not be considered unmanly.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Sensitive said:


> Being sensitive, I felt compelled to reply. Why can't a man be loving, caring, and still be considered "manly." My husband is very unemotional. He mows the lawn. He can bench press his weight and can beat up an attacker if we get happen to get mugged. But how useful is that on a daily basis? I rather have a kind husabnd that is capable of listening and understanding me as a person. Those traits should not be considered unmanly.


I was more meaning the stereotype of "Manly Man".


But that is exactly what I'm getting at. Most all woman want those traits that you described in a man. But a lot of woman still find SOME of the stereotypical "Manly Man" traits very attractive. And that's where it becomes hard for us guys sometimes, to be both at the same time, and figuring out to what degree on each side.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

well just being held hugged and a few kisses on the neck go along way !! i love it when my husband buys me flowers for no reason and when he just says sit down ill do dinner 

Yet its a big turn on for me when he acts protective and sends crude text messages ... 

confusing for men yes lol but doesnt that make it more of a challenge ha ha


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hmmm... 

I want a manly man who will look up the bumps in the night, fight off attackers, protect the kids, kill and skin a bear if that is what's required. I like him to tell me I look sexy and cute and desirable. 

But when we are alone, just him and me - I like a man who will hold me, love me, and tell me how much I mean to them. Open doors for me, hang out with the boys, do daring things, help me with chores, etc. 

Anything that makes me feel cherished I suppose. I feel the most special when my manly man is all gruff and tough in public but loving and open in private. 

Kind of a corollary to the Lady in public and the ***** in bed?
How about a tough guy in public and a teddy bear in private?

Flowers, notes, neck kisses, compliments... all good  Gosh I miss those.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

My H is the best of both worlds, and I love it. He is the one who stays home with our boys during the day, so he is VERY nurturing and senstive. He has not always been this way(to our sons yes, but not always to me), and its really coming out in him now, since we had a horrid start to the year that almost destroyed our marriage. He appreciates me more now, and it shows every day. 
So, yeah, I know I can go to him now, looking for a shoulder to cry on, looking to vent, looking to laugh...whatever; and he is there for me. At the same time, he takes care of all the "manly" duties, makes me feel protected and safe, and keeps the sexy, raunchy side of our relationship alive too. Though, its a big turn on for both of us when I take control in the sack....for us, its a good balance!! 
For him though, I think the ability to embrace both sides of his personality is coming thru because at almost 30, he is finally starting to figure out who HE is, so he is becoming more comfortable in his own skin, and shrugging off the role his family placed him in for most of his life.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

a macho man or very emotional man are common........
2 extremes. Try finding a balanced man, now that is something harder to find and if your not that way yourself, hard to keep.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

I've always seen a lot of stuff about being a doormat and/or not having confidence. Anyone have any opinions or examples of that? This is something that I worry that I do sometimes. My wife is very emotional and has some issues with depression, etc. and I get worried that I give in to her too often because it will make her happy.


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## Julie (Jun 1, 2009)

My husband is sweet, caring and sensitive when he wants to be. He is not afraid of checking out scary noises, doing yard work, some house work and he likes to cook.... 

But he is afraid of becoming a doormat so he feels as though he has to make the decisions as the MAN in the house. He always tells me, "I think you need someone who will let you walk all over him." 

He has controlling issues... And I don't let him control me. So he feels as though he is a doormat. 

I want a man who is not controlling, overly jealous, caring, sweet, loving and someone who is not afraid to trust their SO.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Being sensitive, kind, and loving, means that you genuinely want to please your partner and you are aware of how your behavior impacts them. It means compromise. It means considering your partners wants and needs before your own. 

Doesn't that sound dreamy?
I can also guarantee that _consistently_ doing those things invites being used as a doormat. 
Every relationship explores boundaries in one way or another. If as a guy you demonstrate a willingness to compromise, your partner is eventually going to test how much you are willing to compromise. And at some point it simply becomes capitulation. 

If you shift gears as I did - and put a moratorium on compromise and capitulation - you are labeled as selfish and controlling.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Julie said:


> He always tells me, "I think you need someone who will let you walk all over him."
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> yes .. that is what controlling men say...


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Julie said:


> I want a man who is not controlling, overly jealous, caring, sweet, loving and someone who is not afraid to trust their SO.


Honestly, we had the exact OPPOSITE problem when we first were together. She had some bad past relationships and had some trust issues when we first got together. I knew that, I accepted that, and we've worked through most of it and we are stronger because of it.

What I didn't expect was how her trust issues could be reversed the other way. What I mean by that was, she would get MAD if I DID NOT get jealous. Her last boyfriend (the A-Hole that was the sperm donor to our oldest boy, a long story) was a raging controlling jealous guy. So when we first got together, she would mistake my trust in her for me not caring. I told her that I worry about other guys, but I don't let it consume me. She had some guy friends that she had for a long time. 

The first time we just went out to our local bar, and there were some old guy friends of hers there. We went up, she introduced me, we talked for a little bit. They got telling old stories, laughing at jokes, etc. No big deal. My buddy was a bartender there at the time, and I happened to get talking to him, she was talking to them, all was fine. But afterwards, she was all mad when we were leaving. She asked me if I really cared about her. I was like WTF? Basically, she said that I was acting like I didn't care if she was talking to other guys. I just looked at her and said, "Why, is there a reason I should get worried about you talking to them?" She obviously replied "No, they're just friends". I said "Exactly, so why would I worry about it."... But she still couldn't understand it. She didn't really know what it was like to be trusted. That shows you how much a past bad relationship can screw with you. She thought NOT being jealous meant that I didn't care if she left me for another guy.


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## Mdcl33 (Mar 20, 2009)

Wow look at these things men have to be to make women happy. Caring, loving, gardener, housekeeper, lover, dishwasher, caretaker, bodyguard, boxer, poet, astronaut, you name it. How complicated! Or, women is it because you don't really know what you want in a man? Make up your mind. You can't have everything just like we can't.

Also, to keep your wife happy, men have to be doormats. Sure will say that's pessimistic and cynical but if you have been married for over 10 years then you know what I mean. That's just the way it is.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Forward outgoing confidence is SOOO sexy in a man - 

"come here wench, I need some loving" just makes this girl melt 

I don't WANT a doormat. I want a SO who's not afraid to stick up for themselves and say NO, or heck no, or no thanks or i don't think so but how about this? 

I want a partner. One I can trust to tell me what they are thinking and feeling knowing i will think the best of them and they me. 

If I wanted someone to order around, there are plenty of men like that, but I don't like that kind of man. Let he mean controlling women have em


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

GPR said:


> I've always seen a lot of stuff about being a doormat and/or not having confidence. Anyone have any opinions or examples of that? This is something that I worry that I do sometimes. My wife is very emotional and has some issues with depression, etc. and I get worried that I give in to her too often because it will make her happy.


If you find yourself doing things you normally wouldnt do just to make sure she doesnt have a reason to be angry. Or if you instantly knee-jerk apologize for things that may not be your fault, your becoming a doormat. My wife tends to be quick to anger so I find myself walking on eggshells alot. Not much fun. I let her push and yell and scream and try to piss me off but I dont let her do it.

When she is done I calmly explain to her why it was unacceptable and it happens again in a couple weeks. Its pretty much life dude.

Its funny this list of things women want in a man. We've got a laundry list of things we cant be, things we shouldnt be, things we would all like to be. All they have to do is show up naked and bring beer.


John.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

NothingMan;
Its funny this list of things women want in a man. We've got a laundry list of things we cant be said:


> Half dressed with no food at all is sometimes good enough
> sometimes its just showing up !!!! :rofl:


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

See, my wife doesn't get mad, she gets sad.


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## agatha (Jun 6, 2009)

We married our spouses bec of who they are along with the good qualities they possessed. So just be yourself. And if you want to please your wife then please her to the best of your knowledge without waiting for anything in return.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

agatha said:


> We married our spouses bec of who they are along with the good qualities they possessed. So just be yourself. And if you want to please your wife *then please her to the best of your knowledge without waiting for anything in return.*



I always here that, and it 'sounds' great, but I think it's a bunch of crap. I don't 'expect' anything in return, but I always 'hope' some something in return. And nobody can go on and on and on for a long time without getting anything in return before they snap.


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## agatha (Jun 6, 2009)

dont you feel loved by your wife? it seems you are looking for something. Let me guess.... hmmmmn dont have enough sex?


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

agatha said:


> dont you feel loved by your wife? it seems you are looking for something. Let me guess.... hmmmmn dont have enough sex?


Lately, you are right. I haven't been feeling loved. Sex is one of the symptom's, but not the problem. I have given a lot to our relationship, but I have not been very little to nothing in return. And it's increasingly harder to give to our relationship, when it feels like the other person doesn't show appreciation or return the favor.


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## agatha (Jun 6, 2009)

Its very hard to give advice for I dont know the specific details and its a case to case basis. Your wife is not here to voice out her feelings too so most of the time I share stories/myexperiences in my marriage. ohhh its so hard to use iphone when postig here. But hubby will be upset if I stayed late with pc. This isnot productivefor me and I may get ideas. Dont know what heean by that.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

That's what I'm trying to work out. I created much of the problem early on in our relationship I think. I've kind of allowed her to take me for granted I think, but now it's starting to wear me down.


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## agatha (Jun 6, 2009)

You said she is very emotional person so use that to your advantage. Have deep conversation with her, voice out what you feel, andake a commitment to make up for those problems you did. That is my hubby is doing right now. And its hard for me not to notice it as well as not to reciprocate the love he is showing. Bythe way he is trying to gain my trust againand and do everything 4 me to be proud of him again.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

GPR said:


> I always here that, and it 'sounds' great, but I think it's a bunch of crap. I don't 'expect' anything in return, but I always 'hope' some something in return.  And nobody can go on and on and on for a long time without getting anything in return before they snap.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

It's not so much snapping as it becomes a deep resentment. I have the same issues. My wife was gone for a week and a half and got back yesterday. She called about 30 minutes out and said she was tired about 6 times. I got the hint. I said, Its ok honey I know you've had a tough week and been driving all day. Ill trade for a couple passionate kisses.

I got 2 pecks and a hug. Nothing so far today. NOTHING. How many times do I need to say I need more affection before it actually clicks? Im gonna make a big sign to hang around my neck and next time we go out in public Im going to wear it.

Think she'll get it?



John


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## agatha (Jun 6, 2009)

You can ask her if she is happy with her life right now. If she is happy being married to you. If she is content with your marriage. Ask her if there is something you could do more to improve your marriage(if there is something that needs to improve). After hearing her then you say what you think is lacking. Explain why its important and why you need it. You can tell her these things half seriously, half joking to make the conversation light. Timing should be very good. If she is in the happy mood, not tired or when you both have the "us" time. Its like your work. In production machines should have its weekly check-up and maintenance to keep it in good shape and running good so it would produce quality products and less issues. Every week or every month both of you should have the maintenance. The issues (if you have) for that month, reiterate the goals and how to better improve your relationship with each other. My husband introduce this to our marriage since day 1. And we follow this to make our marriage running smoothly. I hope this would help your marriage. But if you did problems make a commitment to make up for it. And make it known to her that you are doing it in words and in action.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

From all that I read (on here)...do NOT get married! 

Keep your relationship always on the edge. You'll both get what you want with no slacking off. 

uh, just being cynical. 

Why get married in the last place?!? It only says "I got mine!" and now I don't have to try any longer. That's when things begin to deteriorate.


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