# What is the one thing that....



## LemonLime

has made your marriage so successful and happy and long lasting?:scratchhead:


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## Mavash.

Both being committed to making it successful, happy and long lasting.

Takes 2 to make it work. Lacking that? You don't stand a chance.


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## Coffee Amore

For us it would be a solid foundation of love and affection, built on honesty and intimacy.


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## SimplyAmorous

Each others vulnerabilty in heatfelt communication. Neither gets overly offended by our humanness / weak moments .....we strive to be understanding & forgiving , we are validating, we are both good listeners... It helps we have the same love languages in the same order..... We are both the Hopeless Romantic type. 

Darn it is hard to name 1 thing!


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## growtogether

No communication, no relationship.


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## Entropy3000

I made the right choice 35 years ago.

We have had our ups and downs. Making the marriage the number one priority over work, friends and children is key. I learned later than I should have had better boundaries. 

So my wife and I give His Needs Her Needs as a wedding gift.

www.marriedmansexlife.com has been incredibly helpful to me.


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## LovesHerMan

Good communication. That is such a cliche, but it means no pouting after an argument, telling each other when we resent something, forgiving each other, swallowing our pride when it is easier to nurse grudges, fighting fairly with no name calling, and telling each other that we cherish our life together. We are both words of affirmation people, and it is easy for us to meet that need that we both have.


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## heavensangel

Communication, communication, communication. 

Both parties being able to take 'self' out of the equation and put 110% into doing whatever it takes to make the other happy. Knowing each others weaknesses and loving them unconditionally, in-spite of them. 

Being forgiving - this one is hardest for me; H knows it and helps me through it.


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## okeydokie

staying apart alot with kids activities, seriously. it keeps me away from the things i resent (mainly her hoarding) and keeps the lack of intimacy off my mind. im sure she could list some benefits as well


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## OldGirl

Low expectations.


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## Standing_Firm

Comminication (I am getting better) and hard work. Takes two to make it, one to break it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LovesHerMan

OldGirl said:


> Low expectations.


:rofl:


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## OldGirl

*Dean* said:


> Really?
> 
> I would have never gotten married or continued dating someone
> if I had low expectations of them.
> 
> Low expectations sounds like your a happy go lucky person.


I didn't have low expectations when I was dating and married him. I had to lower my expectations as time went on because they were unrealistically high.


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## angelpixie

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> He get fourteen bj's a day.
> 
> I make meatloaf once a month.
> 
> No wifely nagging.
> 
> Seriously, one thing? We focus on putting each other's needs before our own. It all cycles out and there's peace.


How did you have time to make meatloaf?! :rofl:

I've always thought the same about putting each other first, and that will leave two happy people with their needs met and feeling cared about. And I still do believe that.


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## flnative

We didn't always have communication and didn't always have lots of sex. Oddly at 19 years and 3 kids we have lots of both. 

What got us through the lean years was putting each other first and respect for each other. Has to go both ways or it won't work....


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## romantic_guy

Even though we are opposite in 4 out of the 5 Myers/Briggs types we have the same interests and enjoy doing the same things together. I know that does not work for everyone. It is even more amazing considering the fact that we got married so young (16 & 17...she was pregnant) and that our interests are so eclectic. For instance, last week we went to DC to see the cherry blossoms (she looked so hot in her size 4 shorts...but I digress). That evening we went to see Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. Two days later we went to a classical recital. We never have to drag the other along to do anything...except for grocery shopping. We kinda drag each other along because we both hate it! When we are not at work, most of the time we are together. 

Like I said, it works for us and neither of us would have it any other way.

I know you said one thing...but...the other thing is...the sex is AWESOME!


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## anotherguy

Wow, just 'one' thing?

Hm. Respect and Sex are pretty high on the success list for us, as is sharing experiences, but Acceptance I think is big too.

Accepting the other for who they are, taking joy in seeing them happy, and not sweating the little things they do that could make you nuts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jeff/BC

Both of us see "love" as a giving word, not a taking word. We are both in it to see how wonderful we can make our partner's life, not how wonderful they can make ours.

Honestly though, my own assessment of what makes it work... "chemistry"... is that it is so vastly complex as to be akin to magic. I think of myself as an avid student of humans yet that area I have in my head as "virtually totally inscrutable".


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## Seawolf

69
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shakirah

Being committed and trust to each other will help to make the relationship more lasting.


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## Stonewall

SimplyAmorous said:


> Each others vulnerabilty in heatfelt communication. Neither gets overly offended by our humanness / weak moments .....we strive to be understanding & forgiving , we are validating, we are both good listeners... It helps we have the same love languages in the same order..... We are both the Hopeless Romantic type.
> 
> Darn it is hard to name 1 thing!



:lol:

What she said! 

Me, Eastcoastgirl / SA and SAs husband absolutely have to live in a parallel universe!


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## SimplyAmorous

> Me, Eastcoastgirl / SA and SAs husband absolutely have to live in a parallel universe!


I know Stonewall....still pleasantly amazes me. 

Your posts on this forum always brightens my day..... I was a little down the other day (doesn't happen often but I have my moments)...just felt a little lost .......like where do I belong, why do I keep coming back here.....then I came across one of your posts....it cheered me right up, I smiled from ear to ear .....blew those little insecurities out the window....and I felt good again. 

After all, I said to myself... Stonewall is still posting ! 

I just asked my husband ....what he would say is the 1 thing..

His answer >>>>> * Both wanting the same things in life.* 

Very simple & basic... but so true!


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## Thewife

There is no one secret ingredient for us.....

we promised each other that we will never say the word "divorce" no matter how angry we are, marriage is not an option its a life long commitment....thats the mentality we had when we decided to marry.

Life will not be perfect all the time but there are perfect moments that we capture in our hearts and cherish them

we continue to date till today

Give and you will be given

respect

planning for our old age.


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## Blank

I think- She is "my" wife and
she thinks- I am "his" wife.


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## Stonewall

SimplyAmorous said:


> I know Stonewall....still pleasantly amazes me.
> 
> Your posts on this forum always brightens my day..... I was a little down the other day (doesn't happen often but I have my moments)...just felt a little lost .......like where do I belong, why do I keep coming back here.....then I came across one of your posts....it cheered me right up, I smiled from ear to ear .....blew those little insecurities out the window....and I felt good again.
> 
> After all, I said to myself... Stonewall is still posting !
> 
> I just asked my husband ....what he would say is the 1 thing..
> 
> His answer >>>>> * Both wanting the same things in life.*
> 
> Very simple & basic... but so true!



I'm glad I could lift your mood on a bad day. 

I think it also helps that me and east coast girl still have the hots for each other. She says I still give her butterflys whenever we kiss. I'm just like a puppy. If you tell me something like that I wag my tail even harder.


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## SimplyAmorous

Stonewall said:


> I think it also helps that me and east coast girl still have the hots for each other. She says I still give her butterflys whenever we kiss. I'm just like a puppy. If you tell me something like that I wag my tail even harder.


Oh what it is worth.....to still have the passions stirring in full swing...like this old song ...

Orleans - Still The One  

....I get all excited when this comes on the radio, we turn it up & sing it together.


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## heartsbeating

If I had to say just one thing?

It would be getting out of my own selfish mindset and stand point.


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## Zab

For us its been commitment,respect for one onother and open communication- making sure that we dont go to sleep with one problem or misunderstanding unsolved & having a good lough together. Then love will keep growing.


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## rigcol

Communication. Easier said than done when you're dealing with young kids but we ensure that we create time for us to talk about anything and everything. Along with communication the ability to say I'm sorry is huge ... I have found that the preponderance of our arguments ultimately were based on one of us trying to be 'right'


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## CraigW

I couldn't pick one thing. 
We both had the same goals and values from the onset so we were both walking on the same path. 
For us
Its knowing when to hold your ground and when to take a back seat.
Its knowing when to let things go or to discuss them.
Its knowing when to give more and when to give less. 

Marriage is difficult but with us, its basically a balancing act. With adjustments made from one area to the other to keep us going forward. If neglected it tilts to one side and falls.


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## missymrs80

Reading john gottman and harville hendrix...and putting it into practice. And our mutual desire to do something different from our parents.


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## Liam

Honest communication. If we have a problem, we talk about it - no matter what the problem is. Back in June we had our 10th anniversary, and I honestly(no pun intended  ) think that is the main reason


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## artlady

Not taking our 23-year-relationship for granted (we'll be married for 21 next month). We did for too many years, and it almost split us up (along with a myriad of other things...), but when we got back together, we knew that we could never take it for granted again. We cherish all the good moments, our love, work hard at what we need to in a constructive way, listen without interrupting, and kiss and tell each other we love each other every day.


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## anotherguy

Not sweating the small things and letting your spouse be who they are without letting the annoying bits overshadow everything that is good about the relationship.


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