# Not sure what to do!



## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Ok I recently found out that a male friend has been cheating on his wife of 13 years with over 20+ women! The reason why I found out is because he tried to hit on me this weekend, I said HELL NO and further asked questions. I told my STBH about this and he was none too pleased. He won't take action but told me to not talk to this guy anymore! Which I fully intend on doing. 

Now, I don't know his wife but his wife does not know and he doesn't want his wife to know. He goes on a lot of business trips and meets women (pretends to be single) etc. Not only is this NOT right at all, this is totally disgusting - STDs etc. Who knows what he is bringing home to his wife!

Now someone who knows, should I find a way to tell his wife? He says his wife does not suspect despite being away from home for weeks at a time multiple times a year. 

He says he and his wife have intimacy issues, he feels disconnected but will NOT consider a divorce because his wife is a SAHM and he does love her.

I am floored and do not want to associate myself with this guy, but I am so angry knowing this that I feel the need to call him out! What should I do???

If you were his wife would you rather find out? There are two kids in this situation too, I think 7 and 9 years old.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Damned right I would want to know. He's exposing both she and his kids to STD's. He's actually risking their LIVES for his fun.

Tell her. However you feel is best, tell her. Maybe post him on Cheaterville and email her the link anonymously.

Do you know anyone else he's propositioned?


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Yes, tell her.

You would want to know. Good for you to keep your distance and tell your future spouse.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Damned right I would want to know. He's exposing both she and his kids to STD's. He's actually risking their LIVES for his fun.
> 
> Tell her.


:iagree:

Tell her. She needs to know, so she can get tested for STDs. After she knows the information, it is her choice on what to do with it. However, the gut feeling that she might be having would be verified by you, and she might start to look deeper for evidence of affairs. 

I would, also, give her this website so she can have support.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Thanks for the advise as I mentioned in my post, I do not personally know his wife, I searched her up on facebook but he is very very quiet about his family. 

I found his wife by searching his last name on facebook and found her, pic she posted verified she was his wife. 

Funny thing, me and my fiance were a get together for fans of the local NBA team and he brought another woman with him and did not wear his wedding ring!!! 

How would I tell her if I don't know her. He told me a while ago his wife doesnt allow him (or doesnt like him) to have female friends!! I would want to do it anonymously too.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> He's exposing both she and his kids to STD's. He's actually risking their LIVES for his fun.


How is he exposing his kids to STD's?


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## jennyh80 (Oct 14, 2013)

How did you befriend this man? As you now realize the only reason he is your 'friend' is to get into your pants. Everything else is just an act. I would tell the wife the truth. Who knows maybe you'll get a real good friend from her in the end.


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## mitzi (Oct 8, 2013)

I'm going to assume that you know this man from work. I see where you would be very angry about this and be concerned about his wife but have you really thought all of this through? First thing I see happening is His wife is going to think you are just doing this to start trouble and he by the sounds of it will convince Her that this is the case. Second if you work with this guy, he could go about making your life a living hell at work. I'm just looking at this from every angle.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

jennyh80 said:


> How did you befriend this man? As you now realize the only reason he is your 'friend' is to get into your pants. Everything else is just an act. I would tell the wife the truth. Who knows maybe you'll get a real good friend from her in the end.


Met him through my fiance, we are all fans of the NY Knicks and a part of a fan group. I saw him on occasion at get togethers as part of the fan group. He started following me on twitter and DMing me. I have met him for coffee a few times to chat, my fiance always knowing about this. He would have come to but work commitments. This past weekend he sent me a message saying how stunning my eyes are and asked if I have ever had an affair. I was put off but started questioning his motives. I got the full story in an evening of texting. 

I told my fiance about all of this and he said I am so sorry for introducing you to him! LOL. My fiance trusts me completely as I work with a lot of men (both straight and gay) so making male friends comes natural to me.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

mitzi said:


> I'm going to assume that you know this man from work. I see where you would be very angry about this and be concerned about his wife but have you really thought all of this through? First thing I see happening is His wife is going to think you are just doing this to start trouble and he by the sounds of it will convince Her that this is the case. Second if you work with this guy, he could go about making your life a living hell at work. I'm just looking at this from every angle.


Not from work, he would be cast out if from work!! I work with a close group of individuals, we are like family!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So he knows you are in a relationship and he knows your guy. So not only is he cheating, but he wants you to cheat too.

He'll yes find his wife and inform her about him, not only are you helping her, but you maybe saving other women like you from his advances.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

justdance4me said:


> If you were his wife would you rather find out? There are two kids in this situation too, I think 7 and 9 years old.


If you were the wife, would you rather find out?

If you ask us betrayed, about 99 out of 100 of us will say we'd rather find out.

Not only that, but if we later found out that you knew and didn't tell, we would hold it against you. Maybe end the friendship. Who needs friends who "protect" you like that?

For example, let's say she gets an STD six months from now, one of the bad ones, then she finds out you knew but didn't tell her. How do you think she'll feel?


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Did he reveal how he hides his cheating from his wife? If you just provide all the details he gave up in the texts, you have to assume he may see them when confronted, and he will figure out who gave him up. If you can tip her off, advise her not to confront, but to investigate for herself, then you'd be better off, as far as remaining anonymous. You could set up a new gmail and Facebook just for that purpose. You could advise her to come post here to ask for intelligence gathering tips.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

SadandAngry said:


> Did he reveal how he hides his cheating from his wife? If you just provide all the details he gave up in the texts, you have to assume he may see them when confronted, and he will figure out who gave him up. If you can tip her off, advise her not to confront, but to investigate for herself, then you'd be better off, as far as remaining anonymous. You could set up a new gmail and Facebook just for that purpose. You could advise her to come post here to ask for intelligence gathering tips.


He said I am the first woman in the area he wanted to have a "special friendship" with, and he is very careful about that. He was uneasy about asking me but went ahead anyways. He said he doesn't like his relations being too close to home as things can get messy.

He travels a lot and and while he is travelling he said he acts single, so he goes out on dates when out of state/country. So his wife knows he's going away on business for two weeks, he will meet women on his trips etc. If he goes back to the same place for business he will meet the same women. He has traveled to Mexico, Europe, Asia etc. Some of the re-occurring women know he's married, some are just one night stand things. 

He also told me he has planned "vacations" with some women and told his wife he was going on a business trip.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

How did he hit on you?

By email, by text, by voicemail. 

Maybe you can keep your phone recorder on the next time he hits on you. 

If you have not emails or other proof, you could play the tape.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

So he's lying to you as well, big surprise (he's had local dates obviously, and he's done it in your presence, what a jerk/moron). I like the idea of exposing him to his wife, but that will be hard to do in a credible way, without either a lot of effort, or giving up your anonymity.


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## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

justdance4me said:


> Thanks for the advise as I mentioned in my post, I do not personally know his wife, I searched her up on facebook but he is very very quiet about his family.
> 
> I found his wife by searching his last name on facebook and found her, pic she posted verified she was his wife.
> 
> ...


Create a fake profile on FB and private message her.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Laurel said:


> Create a fake profile on FB and private message her.


my friend is a computer security engineer. As long as he cannot find out it is me it may work!


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## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

justdance4me said:


> my friend is a computer security engineer. As long as he cannot find out it is me it may work!


When you set up the FB account also set up a dummy email address to use from a web-based email service like yahoo that you will use only for this purpose so the email address linked the the account is not associated with you.


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