# Curious?



## wantmyselfback (Jan 11, 2012)

Ok I am needing some advice, since I was a teenager I been curious what it would be like to be with another female. I am a married woman now but still have the curiousity and my husband is perfectly fine with that. I have been thinking about maybe surprising him with a 3some with another girl I find but not sure how that would affect us as a couple but I feel like while we are still young we should experiment as much as we can and I feel like it could keep the spice in our marriage. Anyone who has done that? or anyone have any advice on how they think it would turn out?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

How often do you plan on "trying" this out? Or rather.. how often do you "want" to try this out? 


I personally advise against it due to the fact that I don't believe in sharing my spouse with another or myself with another aside from my spouse. BUT... if your really curious about it.. you should establish how often you are willing to try it and set boundaries you are comfortable with.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think it`s a bad idea in general in a committed monogamous relationship.

It`s really a bad idea to "surprise" him with another girl.

Contrary to popular belief we ain`t all down with sleeping with two women at once.

Most of those girl on girl on guy fantasies many men do have don`t include our wives.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

tacoma said:


> I think it`s a bad idea in general in a committed monogamous relationship.
> 
> It`s really a bad idea to "surprise" him with another girl.


:iagree:


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## wantmyselfback (Jan 11, 2012)

I def understand what everyone is saying and ty for answering my post..I would prolly want it to be maybe a one time thing not an all the time thing and we have talked about setting rules and what not i guess i just wanna live my life to the fullest and experience new stuff while is till have a chance to


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

wantmyselfback said:


> I def understand what everyone is saying and ty for answering my post..I would prolly want it to be maybe a one time thing not an all the time thing and we have talked about setting rules and what not i guess i just wanna live my life to the fullest and experience new stuff while is till have a chance to


So what happens when you try it once and decide it's not for you, but your husband decides it is the "real deal" for him and wants it more?

Some things should just remain a fantasy.

Try and bring the fantasy in with with talk, mirrors, toys, whatever it takes.
I have a ffm fantasy, too, but don't think that it would be healthy for our marriage.


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## wantmyselfback (Jan 11, 2012)

Ty for answering my post Dan...I have thought about that as well about what could happen if one of us wants to continue and the other doesnt, and it does kinda worry me. I think the reason I even think about it is because I am the one who is curious and brought up the idea before. I'm just all kind of confused!


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## wantmyselfback (Jan 11, 2012)

Another thing I was thinking about too is if we did try it, maybe find someone away from where we live and get motel room so it's not so personal and if we decide not to do it again there are no ties to that person


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

wantmyselfback said:


> and experience new stuff while is till have a chance to


like divorce? :scratchhead:


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## wantmyselfback (Jan 11, 2012)

ohh no no I just meant if me and my husband decide not to do it again we won't have ties to the person we can just part ways with no string attached


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

For some reason this thread reminded my of the Chris Rock take on introducing stuff to men:

(warning: Chris Rock laden vulgarities)

chris rock the difference between men and women - YouTube


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

1. what if you don't like him being with the girl, but he feels cheated on and rejected if he doesn't get to use her too.
2. what if your husband sees you with another person, and realizes you aren't really all that special after all.
3. what if you both look back and realize that the intimacy and bond you once had between you is now just sex.

you do realize btw that having another person sexually when you're married isn't exploring, it's cheating. Ask yourself seriously how your husband is going to react to seeing you cheat, and how you will react to seeing him cheat.


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## wantmyselfback (Jan 11, 2012)

Those are good points, thank you all for the advice. I don't want anyone thinking we wanna cheat on each other or anything it's not about that, just one of those things where it crosses your mind and when it does you may not think it through all the way


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How would you feel if he asked you to include another person in your sex life? If it was his choice... meaning that he wanted to have sex with someone else?

Also, how are you going to make sure that the woman, most likely a stranger, is decease free?


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## wantmyselfback (Jan 11, 2012)

Yea i've been thinking of those too, i guess there really is no way to be sure or be completely safe. I really appreciate all the advice I don't have many people who I can this question to. I guess I just feel like I don't wanna hold either of us back from anything but also don't wanna mess up our amazing relationship.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

I guess I'm a bit different about this than most here. I, for whatever reason, don't believe I'd have a big issue if W were to have sex with another woman on an irregular basis. I guess because I firmly believe she would not be into that kind of "relationship", but I do know she has done it a time or two long ago, is very comfortable with her sexuality, and I simply believe that given the right woman (attractive to her), she could want to possibly do that again for a "just for fun" type of thing. I'm not so sure I'd encourage it, but I would definately not stop it. I don't need to be there, but she would need to be truthful to me about it. If she hid it, that would be a betrayal, and she knows I'm not okay with that. We've discussed this.

I know this is complex, and maybe my thinking is "wrong" for a majority of people. But I would not worry about it. I don't see another woman as a threat to our relationship. Lies, yes, that's a threat. Another woman? No, I don't believe so. Could I be wrong? Yes. So be it then, I am wrong. But that being the case, I don't believe any amount of "forbidding" anything would stop it. I guess, truthfully, it would be okay with me for two reasons; one, I don't view it as a threat to us. Two, I know it won't "haunt" me like it would if she were with a man. We've gone far enough down the "WMW threesome road" for me to know it doesn't bother me. She is who she is, and a sexual encounter with another female will likely not change that. I'd be having to do a hell of a lot wrong for it to do so. And I'm not. I can't envision her with another man. That would trouble me. With a woman? No. Even were I to not be included.

My W is not a lesbian, and I don't believe would ever be one. I think (know, because she's told me so), she has some curiosity there, has acted on it a time or two, enjoyed the experiences, and then went back to her man loving ways. 

It's a thing that should she want to do again, with the right circumstances and woman, and I'll not stand in the way. If she wants to leave me for a woman, then so be it. I believe chances are miniscule. So, it is no heartburn for me to allow her this fantasy or opportunity if it comes up. I have told her, if it happens though, she must tell all!!!! 

Now, if you're that curious about it and you feel like it's something you HAVE to do, that feeling may never leave you. 
So, you have one of two choices....one., the hubby is insecure, not understanding or he or both of you feel it could damage the relationship, and you forget about it. Bury it deep and forget it outside of fantasy. It is not worth risking a great relationship to fulfil a "curiosity". 

Or two, you and your husband are both secure in each other, he will not flip out and turn jealous or somehow demand that since he "allowed you" this, now it's your turn to "allow him" a fantasy. If he gives the "green light", it must, MUST be all about you, completely without strings attached, and he cannot expect anything in return other than the truth, and possibly a hot story. If he's that kind of man, then go for it. But you better know and be confident he is that kind of a man, because if you're wrong, all hell will break loose. 

At the end of the day, I would say this: If he has exhibited any strong indicators in your relationship of being overly jealous, controlling, or insecture, then drop this...he won't be able to handle it. If he's none of that, then he shouldn't have much problem with you trying a one on one with a woman, possibly, or the three of you. But when there's three of you, then you also need to look at how YOU will feel about it (jealous, controlling, insecure). If so, then see above and drop it.


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## Aaliyah1 (May 16, 2012)

Hi,
I don't think so that 3some is great idea. I will never share my husband with anyone. Also I don't want to do sex with any other guy. I love my partner. If you are so curious then go ahead. But there is another option of sex toys which you include in your sexual life to add spice in your married life.
Good Luck!


__________________
Adult Toys UK


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

If my wife were bi curious it wouldn't bother me at all after all we are who we are but adding 3 some is fraught with all kinds of danger. It would take a very strong relationship to do that successfully. Be careful with this idea!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I think an old adage applies here. *Curosity killed the cat.*


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

wantmyselfback said:


> Yea i've been thinking of those too, i guess there really is no way to be sure or be completely safe. I really appreciate all the advice I don't have many people who I can this question to. I guess I just feel like I don't wanna hold either of us back from anything but also don't wanna mess up our amazing relationship.


Are you really truly sexually attracted to men? Do you think you might be bi-sexual or are you wondering if you are lesbian?

You seem to be thinking about the negative pssible outcomes, which is good that you are considering the pitfalls. Some couples do get into an open marriage lifestyle and seem to be ok, while many others try it and end up divorced. 

The bigger issue though is what is the underlying motivation? Are you just a bit curious or is there something a lot more here? If you think you might be bisexual, would it be something you would want in your life in order to be fulfilled? It is not a judgment of you in my asking that, it is a real question of whether you will want bisexual experiences in order to feel fulfilled in your life, and it is a legitimate thing for you to have whatever needs you have. But if you are going down that road your husband needs to be in the information loop.

If it is just a curiousity, it is better left that way. There are a lot of women I have been curious about what it would be like to have sex with. I just admit to myself that it is ok to have those thoughts, but it would not be within my goals of keeping a marriage to act on those thoughts.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*ohh no no I just meant if me and my husband decide not to do it again we won't have ties to the person we can just part ways with no string attached *

I have to wonder about your H's point of view... He might enjoy this fantasy, and if it happens he may enjoy that too. Altho I'm not sure where he comes into it since you said it was YOUR fantasy to have sex with another woman. 

I'm just thinking that after this happens, whether it worked out well for you or not.... it opens up a new can of worms. Because after you do this you can't say "our marriage is sacred, sex is sacred to our marriage, we wouldn't ever jeopardize that". Seems to me...after that, if anyone gets some on the side, it's no longer cheating. You've already opened up the gates to allow others into your marriage. 

And what about, IF this goes well and you both are satisfied... your H comes to you with a specific girl in mind... doesn't it start feeling icky then? Like he's CHOOSING girls other than YOU to have sex with.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> 1. what if you don't like him being with the girl, but he feels cheated on and rejected if he doesn't get to use her too.
> 2. what if your husband sees you with another person, and realizes you aren't really all that special after all.
> 3. what if you both look back and realize that the intimacy and bond you once had between you is now just sex.
> 
> you do realize btw that having another person sexually when you're married isn't exploring, it's cheating. Ask yourself seriously how your husband is going to react to seeing you cheat, and how you will react to seeing him cheat.


I agree that this is not without its risks to the relationship. But to look at this another way (few things in relationships are so simple and one-sided, right?), you could end up like many of the couples here who live the 'straight and narrow' and drift apart going from regular sex to once a week sex to once a month to never --and also lose all intimacy as a couple.

I'm certainly not saying that experimenting with another woman will bring you a life of good sex and life long intimacy, however, suppressing all of your desires to live a life on on the straight and narrow does not guarantee anything either. Nothing in life is risk free.

Suppressing and lack of sharing and openness in a relationship is a big killer. While doing what you describe is certainly not for everyone, it sounds like your openness about your fantasy and your discussions together about the pros and cons and risks sounds pretty healthy to me no matter what you decide in the end.

I don't think you should surprise him with another woman. That's a risky thing to do and puts him in an awkward position where he might feel forced into it. Likewise, I think setting something up with a stranger in a hotel room doesn't sound very good to me either. Why don't you experiment 'softly' and try some touching and kissing, for example, if you go out dancing, etc? This would enable you and him to test the waters to see how comfortable you are with it before you make any decisions.


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