# The worst insult ever



## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

I was wondering for input on something that has been brewing for a while. 

Is there any good way to tell my wife she is becoming like her mother? 

I have never said it and don't want to say it to be hurtful or in moment of anger but I'm not sure if I can get the point across any other way.

My wife and her mother have always had a horrible relationship to the point where I can't stand being anywhere near them when they are together. They seem incapable of talking about anything without it developing into an argument and frequently a screaming match. A big reason seems to be an abrassive style of communication in which all topics begin as arguments and then the other responds. It almost borders on comedy when they accuse each other of starting the argument or using a harsh tone, since from what I see they are never not arguing and they both use cringe-worthy tones.

When we were younger, I would have put the majority of blame on her mother since she seemed to be constantly anxious, irriated and hyper. But in recent years, my wife is taking on more of those traits while with age her mother is becoming more mellow and seems to be making an effort to improve the relationship. 

It is no where near as bad but she is more frequently using this kind of tone with me and my son. I often bite my tongue in order to avoid responding in kind since it will simply repeat the pattern and I'm not prepared to live that way. Also I am very rarely truly angry but when I am I stay angry and have the capacity to be deeply hurtful and biting in what I say. I have tried to use the "I feel ...when you...." approach. It seemed to work at the begining but now I get the feeling that she sees it as me just being "oversenstive" which again is a mutual charge between her and her mother. She truly seems oblvious to how she sounds.


I don't want to be hurtful but I feel like it would immediately make it clear what I am talking about and how serious an issue it is becoming for me.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

There is no good reason to compare your DW to anyone else. The problem is how her behavior affects you. Next time, wait for a pause, look her directly in the eye and say:

"Was it your intention to be this disrespectful?"
She may respond, "You are being too sensitive".
You retort, "Either my feelings are important to you, or they are not... Which is it?"

You sometimes need to create a little shock to reset this behavior. I have used this exact script before. You can also use it to discuss needs (HNHN).


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Tell her "You will not speak to me in this manner" and walk away. No yelling, just a simple statement.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

It's an inherently hurtful thing to say, there's no unhurtful way to say it. The fact that you want to tell her that means you're probably angry at her about this.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I wouldn't f6ck your mom with the Wolfman's d6ck so what makes you think I'd listen to her scream at me right now like you are?


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Tell her "You will not speak to me in this manner" and walk away. No yelling, just a simple statement.


This. When she has one of her fits, tell her that she's being extremely disrespectful in a calm voice and then leave. That will give her time to think about what she's doing without causing a blow-up. Hopefully, she'll come to her senses and want to calmly (and hopefully rationally) discuss what's troubling her.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Next time you're both calm you might try telling her that her arguments with her mother are nasty and you feel you're starting to get fallout. Ask her if she's considered changing how she deals with her mother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Whenever the wifey comes over (we don't live together full time) she puts on 'Parenthood' or 'Gilmore Girls' on Netflix. I've decided that my tolerance for bullsh^t in the real world is so low you'd need a satellite in deep space to measure the temperature of it. I really can no longer comprehend how anyone has the patience to put up with control freaks, power tripping narcissists, martyr complexes, hysterics, whiners, fast talkers, bullies, emotional terrorists or anything else. 

Don't get mad and don't answer. Just leave. Or they leave. 

So I was talking to my crazy mom the other day who told me this long story how she wound up in the hospital for 3 days because she 'thought' she was having a 'heart attack' (this is an 85 year old woman who skis). So it turns out after about $40,000 tests they couldn't find anything and told her blood sugar was low. I then had to hear about that nonsense about how no one understands blah blah blah. You were in the hospital because you didn't eat an orange? Is that what you're telling me? That's your big f^cking story? Want me to fly up there hold your hand? You're a nutcase. I'll send you a box of oranges. Buh bye.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It can be done if nothing else gets through to her. It can't be a stand alone statement or an argument ender.

I have said it to Mrs. Conan a couple times when reason had left the building. I am super good at confrontation and conflict resolution however.

Starting a fire can be useful but be sure you can put it out first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

Address the behaviour,, not what, or who it reminds you of.

OR,, next time you're ha.ving sex with her, finish with, "Ohh, Vicky!", or whatever her mom's name is. Let her figure it out for herself.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

I don't know about your wife, but I do not respond well to insults. Once said, you cannot take these words back, and if she is the type to hold onto resentments, you will have to get over the thick wall she will build to protect herself. Very bad for open communication.

Something short, curt, and firm is required here. No emotion. Cut her off as soon as she starts in with the offensive tone. You will continue the discussion when she can be civil and respectful to you.


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