# I am still in shock with some anger.



## BrokenHearted15 (Feb 6, 2012)

I have been with my husband for 16 years in Nov. We have 2 children (15 and 10) I was 21 when I met him and I fell so hard so fast. As I look back on it now, I was so native. I am a very cautious and guarded person. I have been through so much with men (all bad) that I was extremely careful when I met my husband. All of that did no good. I only recently found out that he kept deal breaker stuff from me while we were dating because he knew I was on the opposite end of the issue. I was blown away when I found this out. There were things he kept from me that I found out just through time, but the one thing was a huge deal breaker. I would NOT have dated him If I had known his stance from the beginning. 

I had posted in here awhile back that our counselor had recommended an in house separation. It lasted until Aug. 20th. That was when we BOTH agreed that it was over. I had written 5 pages of MAJOR relationships issues, reasons that I don't want to be with him. I have known in the back of my mind for a long time that it was over. There is a lot involved when you have been together 16 years and have 2 children. You may know it is over for awhile, but it is doing something about it that is the most difficult. 

I am still in shock that I am going through this. I am also feeling some anger, I am angry at him because he has hurt me in so many ways, and all I ever wanted was for us to work out....honestly. I am angry at myself for staying so long though the verbal abuse, the betrayal, the constant mistreatment and disrespect. I watched him connect with women on a purely friendship level, but I always felt that was wrong and chipped away at our relationship. He has NEVER said sorry for anything. While I am not perfect I have never mistreated him, or hurt him emotionally. I tried and tried through it all. 

I know the truth and that is going to have to be good enough. I have been through hell. I wish he had been honest with himself and me a LONG long time ago. I had told him for many years that he was mean, cold and that he didn't love me. We have gone on for so long going through the motions. I need to move on and get on with my life.

We are still living together, as I have no way to leave. My money is tied up in bills that must be paid. I am not ruining my credit for anyone. I have no money for a lawyer and I am on disability. I feel trapped, living with someone I don't want to be with, who also feels the same way. I am in a living hell. This is torture. I just want my space, I need it.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

can or will you both seek counseling


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## BrokenHearted15 (Feb 6, 2012)

I already have IC set up. he has no iterest.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Will legal aid help in your state? 
Be sure you protect yourself. Verbally abusive men tend to wear us down, make us think we getting "all we deserve" when we are entitled to so much more, emotionally and financially. As this process progresses ask all the questions you like here, people will help.
Remember you are not alone.


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## BrokenHearted15 (Feb 6, 2012)

I could only get Legal Aid if he was abusing me or if he files first. I want to be the one to file, and no physical abuse, so they told me I DO not qualify.


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