# Is it fair?



## oviid (Sep 27, 2013)

I know that question probably does not matter when you are in the process of a D but still I ask it.

Married 18 years.

Four kids.

We both work, I make more.

She's unhappy and wants out. There's no abuse, fighting or other things that you hear about ending a marriage. The problem is poor communication for years resulting in a breakdown of our marriage.

We tried MC in 2006 and late 2007 both times with improvement but not long term so here I am again but this time there's no talk of MC just D.

My question really is why should I be the one to take all the "lumps?" She wants the house, full custody and thinks I will pay close to $2,500 a month in support. I think that's crazy, I have an attorney and I will find out what my obligations are.

She makes good money, not as much as I do but she can afford an apartment, her own bills and be alright. I can afford this house and all the bills myself. We can both do those things without support from each other. 

I want 50/50 custody and there's no reason in my mind why I can't have that. I'm a great father, hard work, respectable and a law abiding citizen. There's nothing that says I can't have 50/50 custody she just think, in her mind, that the kids would be better off with her most of the time and visitation with me, I say BS to that.

Once the legal wheels start turning I fear things might get ugly because I refuse to be a door mat or to lay down and take these lumps.:soapbox:


----------



## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

No that is not fair.

IMO whichever party that wants out of the marriage should be the one to move out.

She will also not get full custody. I don't know what state you live in but that is very rare these days. My STBXH wanted 50/50 custody and I didn't fight him in on it because there would be no point. 

You will have to pay child support and possibly spousal support again depending on your states laws and how much income she makes, etc.

Talk to your attorney. She will have to get one also.


----------



## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> No that is not fair.
> 
> IMO whichever party that wants out of the marriage should be the one to move out.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

She's just trying to push your buttons and cause you pain. There is no rationality behind it. My first did the same back when the laws _were_ slanted heavily into always giving the mother full custody. Anything to cause me more pain - even though she was the one that cheated repeatedly and was a miserable person. She was highly angry that I was actually happy without her. She and her lawyer pulled every dirty trick in the book, but I persevered and stayed myself throughout. The kids saw all of this and now realize what kind of person she really is... and what kind of man I am.

Stay strong and don't stoop to her level. Don't let her railroad you either.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

try to remember, in most states the grounds for obtaining a divorce are unrelated to the division of property, unrelated to child custody, and unrelated to child support.


----------



## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

Did she mention you are to be on call 24 - 7 for home repairs as well? 

Obviously your lawyer will spell it out for you but methinks your wife is deep in denial...perhaps a reality check will have her re-think her plans?


----------

