# Caught my wife kissing



## scott1987 (Sep 3, 2012)

My Wife Kissed Another Man

I have been married for 2 years together 4 and have 3 children ( 2 step 1 mine ).

Things went bad not long after being married as i took on a job which after a while she didnt like due to me being away most of the time and only being home a few hours a day.

But to cut a long story short basically what has happend so far is.....

iv seen her having flirty sexual chats with a complete random online even though she wasnt being the dirty one on the chat she also didnt say to the other guy look shouldnt say that to me im married..... she classed this as having a laugh cos she was bored.

Deleting messages to her ex and from her ex and finally admited after a few weeks saying he said he still had feelings for me etc and i didnt want to upset you by you seing them. My defence was why delete them if there was nothing to hide on your side just what he was saying ????

Now the main one is this.....

Her mother my mother in law had a get together for a drink i agreed to watch kids.

She from the state i saw her was in a complete state and when i come downstairs at 5am for work i saw her on top of another guy who i also know as its her cousins best friend and has been a good friend also to my wife for years and never anything flirty etc gone on between them. she was sat on top of him kissing him.

They both denyed this at first her saying she was asleep and he said she was shutting curtains when i text him.

It finally come out because i told her cousin the guys best mate and she went mad at him and he said he cant remember anything from the night hardly but he could remember a kiss.

She still denied it after him admiting it and said she honestly could not remember doing it she has never been that way or felt that way towards him.

She has told me she is extremely sorry and nothing like this would ever happen again.

My problem is im hurt , and recently got found not guilty of some trouble i got roped in off her brother. Other wise i could of been in prison at this time and keep thinking if i was in prison or even if i didnt have to come down and go to work how far would that incident of gone ????

I love her to bits and after all the arguing we used to have her telling me to just leave her etc we seemed to be finally getting back to normal until this.

Can i ever forget about it ? get over it ? forgive her ? trust her again ?

I feel like a complete fool and keep thinking of it all the time.

Also our sex life has gone from every other day to possibly once every 2 - 6 months but this was also since having our daughter in June 10 who is still sleeping in our bedroom.

All i need to know was this a mistake or did she do this so that i would catch them as she knew i was getting up for work that day early so that i would go mad and possibly leave her ?


Im now in the position where i make jokes out of it and she also laughs and says look nothing like that will ever happen again it was a one off and i cant even remember it so doesnt feel like it happened. But for me it does as i saw it at first i though it cant be real i will wake up soon , so im either dead or it did happen 

Now im left with should i stay or go ? 

Possibly leave over a totally honest drunken mistake also id like to add this guy if you knew him is one of the most honest nice people geunine you could meet and he even said he has never been like that and can only apologise sincerely and keep out of the way of me and my family as its happended to him befroe which makes it worse.



NEED HELP !


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She is having an affair. It wasn't just a kiss . It was a kiss that you caught!! She is already cheating on you for sometime. You are in denial. The faster you come out of it, the better for you.

You can recover her deleted texts if she has a smart phone.(on most of them atleast). What phone does she have?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You saw what you saw. You heard the lie she told to cover for what you saw. You're the one she's been withholding sex from. You've got two stepkids and one that's your biological child. Is it possible that she married you primarily because she needed financial support? That would explain a lot. I've been around a pretty good while. I've done lots of living. I've been sort of drunk and I've been extremely drunk. Never accidently made out with or had sex with another human being. Before she was drunk she made the decision to party without you and she made the decision to drink. While she was intoxicated but still lucid, she made the decision to continue to drink. At some point, she knew she had inappropriate feelings for this dude. She didn't back out and return to her husband. She proceeded and escalated her dangerous course of action. The whole couch scene took place between her ears probably hours, maybe days, before it actually occurred. It was the logical outcome of a deliberate course of action. Can't really call that an accident or a mistake.


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

Warlock is dead on, she's having affair(s). 

Flirting online with strangers...texting her EX.....now caught kissing?

Let me say that again...YOU CAUGHT your wife kissing another man. This is a BIG deal, one that must be addressed quickly and firmly. I am sorry you had to see that, your in shock and denial right, you have to make some tough decisions now.

You have to, unfortunately, snoop now. Check her cell records I bet you find a certain number being used A LOT.
Retrieve those deleted texts from her phone etc.

Get a key logger and get her passwords and check her email and any other online accounts.

She is NOT a happy person, it doesn't sound like anyway. She's looking outside your marriage for something, what is that something? thrills, emotional connections, or just sex?
What's her stated reason, not that it's an excuse, this is HER fault. But why was she doing these other things you caught her doing, texting ex, flirting online etc. These are BIG red flags!

Find out what she wants to do. Does she want to even be married? You may just have to wash your hands of this and move on. If she does really want to be married to you, then, do you want to be married to her?

If you do want to stay married then get the details of what she has done, she has to come clean, she has to be transparent giving you ALL passwords to her accounts. You have to know everything.

I am afraid your in for a rough ride, stay strong, get your answers, denying is not an option for her. Trust your gut, if something just doesn't sound right then it probably isn't. And.....Get those cell records!


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

a kiss 99% of the time=full on sex. don't believe a damn thing she's telling you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your focused on what you saw and its natural but what you fail to see is the big picture, and that picture is she has secrets and she is not behaving like the wife you diserve.

So you have this kiss, what about the online chating and staying incontact wirh her ex?
These issues are just as important to focus on.

So with that said, simple ask her if she wants to be married to you, and if she say yes then tell herwhat she will need to do to stay with you.
Like transparentcy and accountablity. deleting text is now unecceptable, no more GNO (girls night out), no more chatting online and to start affair proofing her marriage by learning the tools from a counselor that specializes in infidelity.

This is no longer about what she remembers or not this is about you keeping her around as long as she does the heavy lifting to stay.

Do not let her gaslight you into thinking this is just a drunken mistake.....the issue here is her inablity to behave like you are always next to her, even when your not!


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Grown ups don't just kiss. I'm sorry, she is cheating on you. 

In my signature line is a link on What NOT to do. Please read it.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

As the others before have said.

All you SAW was a kiss. There usually is more to it.

Read again the post by betrayed1. Follow his advice, and the advice of others. Don't allow yourself to live not knowing.

Find out what's going on.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

scott1987 said:


> Things went bad not long after being married as i took on a job which after a while she didnt like due to me being away most of the time and only being home a few hours a day.
> 
> iv seen her having flirty sexual chats with a complete random online
> 
> ...


Sounds like there's an epidemic of the "I can't remember" virus sweeping through your neighborhood.

What do you think of the story that no one remembers anything, just one of them kind of remembers a kiss? Does it sound like a lie to you?

You have a lot of circumstantial evidence. INVESTIGATE a little further and see if you can find out what your wife is up to, if anything.

Buy a few voice-activated recorders and some heavy-duty velcro and put one under the seat of her car and others in the house where she is likely to talk to any other man when you are not around or are asleep. Maybe put one under the kissing couch. Keylog the computer. Look at cell phone records for an unusual amount of communication with any particular numbers. Look at her cell phone for deleted texts. Look at facebook. You should be able to get your answer in a week.

Based on the other man's "can't remember" reaction, her own not being able to remember anything, and the other stuff going on (lack of sex, deleted texts with ex, sexual chat with random online stranger), something definitely is going on.

You have been married only two years? That's a lot of incidents for just two years married.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

She's living life as a single woaman - but with your financial support and baby sitting service. I' m sure she finds your "jokes" about what you saw very funny and amusing but for a different reason. She may even be sharing those anecdotes with her online friends. You need to gather your courage and SEE CLEARLY what kind of marriage you're in.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Don't tolerate the mushroom treatment sir! 
Stop being afraid of confronting! 
You know dang well you weren't on any hallucinogens when you saw that! You should have spoken up right when you saw.
Your sex life has gone that way because she is feeding that to someone else.

I am sorry for this, but start changing yourself now!
180, give her mushroom treatment, dont chase her or sweet talk to her, no i love yous.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

67flh said:


> a kiss 99% of the time=full on sex. don't believe a damn thing she's telling you.


Hate to agree, but this. A kiss is very personal.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

forgetit said:


> you are a fool not divorcing her after seeing that or maybe you pretend like you are a fool, provocative story here from this idiot man


WoW.. You must hold the record.I mean 3 post and banned already .WTF:scratchhead:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

scott1987 said:


> My Wife Kissed Another Man
> 
> I have been married for 2 years together 4 and have 3 children ( 2 step 1 mine ).
> 
> ...


No mistake. This is her choice. Do not rug sweep this. All the evidnece is here that she is not behaving like a marriage woman. 

Do not rug sweep this.

She needs to go full NC with whoever she has been chatting with. No more drunken overnight GNOs.
Stop enabling her behavior. She is gasligting you

A kiss is very bad. But her on top of him is as not much different than you finding her riding her cowboy style.

This is just another one of those I can do what I want and will use alcohol as my plausible denial.

She is having her sexual needs met elsewhere.

This seems cruel but in all seriousness get checked for STDs and do make sure you are the father of this child.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

This reminds me of a saying: "Who are you going to believe, me, or your lying eyes?".

You actually caught her in the act, and now you're joking about it? Seriously? This is some major rugsweeping, and that's putting it mildly. 

And chalk up yet another instance of an Opposite Sex Friend (OSF) going beyond friendship.

Like everyone has said, you need to investigate now! This may just be the tip of the iceberg. And you are your WW need to have a serious talk about boundaries here. All this getting drunk and partying without you needs to stop. There's just too much temptation here.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Everybody already covered it sufficiently. You should listen to them as I've found they are immensely wise about such things.

Cheating is like mice. If you actually see it, it's the tip of the iceberg. There are many many more.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Love the word "accident"

Uuuups sorry baby i just banged the next door hot neighbour... Careless of me after accidentally banging that pretty co-worker just the other week... Oh well... Accidents happen!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

scott1987 said:


> Im now in the position where i make jokes out of it and *she also laughs and says look nothing like that will ever happen again it was a one off and i cant even remember it so doesnt feel like it happened. *But for me it does as i saw it at first i though it cant be real i will wake up soon , so im either dead or it did happen


My Goodness,
What a piece of work.
Evil human being.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> This reminds me of a saying: "Who are you going to believe, me, or your lying eyes?".
> .....
> .....
> 
> ...


Wow, please not so loud, not too sure if badblood would disapprove of these friendships.

I completely agree about ending the party. She's had too many rodeo's, the rides on these guys have to stop. With all seriousness, she is living the single life and you are the funds and safety net she needs.



Stop, drop everything and 180!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Want to be why you weren't at the get together? I bet your wife has been seeing this guy and wanted some grown up time with him without you cramping her style with him.

She's also out fishing with her ex to see if she can get some there too. Meanwhile even though she's out fishing for other men, you're cut off. 

Time to put 2+2 together and don't let her snow you with I can't remember etc.

There's a web site for cheaters called Doccool .com - go visit it and read about cheating wives who almost get caught - how they try to blame it away on other things and that their husband didn't really see what he say. Read how they play the game of laying low and divert their husband's attention. Read how in situations like this they relent a bit and step up the sex life a little a home to placate hubby and make him blind again.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She's not doing you and that's reason enough to throw her crap into the street. Things changed between you "shortly after the marriage". Things change for the rat about the same time the spring is tripped on the trap. That's a pretty good indication that whatever she was presenting before the marriage was only cheese.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Wow, please not so loud, not too sure if badblood would disapprove of these friendships.
> 
> I completely agree about ending the party. She's had too many rodeo's, the rides on these guys have to stop. With all seriousness, she is living the single life and you are the funds and safety net she needs.
> 
> ...


Calling me out by name? Have you read the civility and respect guidelines, lately?


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> This reminds me of a saying: "Who are you going to believe, me, or your lying eyes?".
> 
> You actually caught her in the act, and now you're joking about it? Seriously? This is some major rugsweeping, and that's putting it mildly.
> 
> ...


This hasn't a thing to do with friendship, and everything to do with his wife's cheating ways. Like I said before It isn't the OSF , it's what you do that counts. OP , if your "friend ", is sucking face with your wife, then he isn't your friend, is he? If your wife is letting him do it, then she isn't your faithful wife, is she? You definitely need to get to the bottom of this, and like most other posters have said, there's a lot more than you know about.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> There's a web site for cheaters called Doccool .com - go visit it and read about cheating wives who almost get caught - how they try to blame it away on other things and that their husband didn't really see what he say. Read how they play the game of laying low and divert their husband's attention. Read how in situations like this they relent a bit and step up the sex life a little a home to placate hubby and make him blind again.


There's another one called The Other Woman thats specifically for OW. Like Doc Cool, it's a learning tool, and provides insight into a person's mindset while they're in an affair. These sites really do reinforce what we know to be true about affairs and wayward behavior.

For example: In many instances, when a BH tells his WW that she must have NC with the OM in order to save the marriage, did you know that the WWs fear is NOT that she'll lose her marriage, it's that she fears losing contact with the OM! 

And then a lot of the time, the WS is hoping that DDay will blow over and they can resume the A. And like Shaggy says, some WW will manipulate their BHs with sex, one WW even saying _she will f*ck his brains out for a few nights _to get him off the trail.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Oh dear. Sadly all the above posts hit the nail squarley on the head.
Use of chatrooms, selective deleting (a major issue I have always hated) and alchohol fueled kissing session where you were able to catch here (so very disrespectful) What will the furure hold for you now in terms of trust. The next stage if not acted upon is staying at a "friends" home, nights aways all of which are going to drive you wild mentally as you wont beable to get the actual pictures of what youve seen and what you think is going on out of your head - You need to become grounded. Youve got the initial evidence and make a decison front up to her, lay down the bounderies and seek MC or serve her with a nice ont let this fester inside as its going to eat away at you mentally very quickly.
Good luck


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Everybody already covered it sufficiently. You should listen to them as I've found they are immensely wise about such things.
> 
> Cheating is like mice. If you actually see it, it's the tip of the iceberg. There are many many more.


 I love this analogy.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

scott1987 said:


> My Wife Kissed Another Man
> 
> I have been married for 2 years together 4 and have 3 children ( 2 step 1 mine ).
> 
> ...


Here's a picture of multiple facepalms for how you've been fooled.












On a side note, Scott how old are you? 

Frankly, not even a 5 year old kid would buy all the lies she said and how she covered her affair. 
And to even think that now you joke about it...I wonder what your wife must be thinking and how she laughs behind your back.

Wake up!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

circle the wagons and start your exit plan....you picked a bad apple.

act like everything is ok and start collecting evidence then leave her a$$ at the curb and file.

then be the best dad you can be and live life for you. 

sound simplistic and overwhelming at the same time but pull up your boot straps and have some resspect for your self and set the bar higher and find a worthy woman .....they are out there.

good luck!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

When most of the men might be running to lawyers you are joking about her betrayal and making fun of it... REALLY?????????? 

You saw the tip of the Ice berg.......


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Satchel Rage said:


> What are you doing texting your wife while you caught her kissing another man?...All hell should have broke loose.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

But why you did that instead of kicking on his A$$:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> You saw the tip of the Ice berg.......


Even if he saw the whole iceberg, even if this was the whole story/truth..., this is not something to joke about in the first place.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

I don't know whether the OP was ready for the kind of responses he got. I mean, if he thought that this was a joking matter, then why be worried , at all? Let them kiss some more, that way you will have lots more jokes. But who is the "joke", on?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

For the OP, joking may be a defense mechanism. If he laughs it must not be a big deal.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

The OP posted exactly once so far.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> The OP posted exactly once so far.


:iagree:

For someone who "NEEDS HELP", its been over 24 hours. Another hit and run most likely.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

67flh said:


> a kiss 99% of the time=full on sex. don't believe a damn thing she's telling you.


Agreed, kissing is just a prelude to bigger abd better things in most cases.


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