# Why is he so scared



## Queenbee79 (Feb 14, 2018)

My husband is such a wuss. He hasn’t talked to me. He goes and tells my dad what he needs to tell me instead of being a man and coming to talk to me. This morning my dad asked him so is this just a separation or do you want a divorce from her. He said well it’s obvious that it’s gonna be a divorce. Well this is news to me. At first when he was talking to me he said he just need to be away from the kids and I. Now he can’t even tell me to my face that he wants a divorce. This man is out everyday. He doesn’t sleep at home anymore. He went out and bought me a house to get us out of his. I don’t know who this monster is. This last year has been crazy. He admitted that he cheating on me but he said he wanted to work it out. Well I guess he was just blowing smoke up my a**. I really want to make things work. I still love him. I’m hanging on to false hope. I know I am. I gave him 9 years of my life that I can’t take back. I’m just lost and confused. Sad and mad. My heart is broken in a million pieces. My kids don’t want to leave. I don’t understand why he can’t see that he is not only hurting me but he is hurting my children too.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Queenbee79 said:


> I don’t know who this monster is.


Unfortunately I think sadly you do. Some people just don't have the stuff to have a long term marriage. Sorry. Maybe it's time to accept this is who he is and move on.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

He won't talk to you directly because he knows he's being schmuck (nicest word I could think of).

So sorry you're in this position. You seem like a great person and you deserve a husband who is as committed as you are. Unfortunately, that seems out of reach at this point.

At least he got you your own house. I know you're not materialistic and you'd much rather have a solid union and an intact family, but most of these jackasses wouldn't have the decency to try to do at least a little something like this. You need to take advantage of this far too tiny slice of his awareness of his being a schmuck and keep pressing to ensure the best possible deal for you and your kids.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He told your dad because he knew that your dad would tell you.

If you want to get him talking to you, just text him something like "My dad told me about your intent to file for divorce. You of course expected him to tell him. Now can we talk?"

It's better for you that the topic is now on the table and the cat/mouse stuff stops. It's a lot easier to live with the truth then to play the wait and see until he gets a back bone... which will probably never happen.

So now that you know what he's up to, start preparing and get on with your life.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

He is telling your dad because he does not have the stones to tell you to your face. You know that. You think he is a wuss. He cheated. He wants you and the kids out of his house. He does not come home.

But you love him.
You want to work things out.

He is doing you a favor by telling your dad. You dad can, hopefully, help you move on.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Now that you have the BETA male view on him (and he may very well be) it's gonna be tough for you to get any respect for him down the road anyways.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'd be far greater concerned that by his own admission that he's been cheating on you, that he's in a full-blown affair mode, that he's not remotely willing to give up! That's exactly why he wants you out of the house so that he can carry on his lurid cheating activity with you hopefully being "out of sight, out of mind!"

I'd highly advocate that you shuffle on off to a good family law attorney's office for an immediate consultation on both your property and custodial rights!

At the same time, please get checked out by your MD for the presence of any possible STD's! *


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Queenbee79 said:


> My husband is such a wuss. He hasn’t talked to me. He goes and tells my dad what he needs to tell me instead of being a man and coming to talk to me. This morning my dad asked him so is this just a separation or do you want a divorce from her. He said well it’s obvious that it’s gonna be a divorce. Well this is news to me. At first when he was talking to me he said he just need to be away from the kids and I. Now he can’t even tell me to my face that he wants a divorce. This man is out everyday. He doesn’t sleep at home anymore. He went out and bought me a house to get us out of his. I don’t know who this monster is. This last year has been crazy. He admitted that he cheating on me but he said he wanted to work it out. Well I guess he was just blowing smoke up my a**. I really want to make things work. I still love him. I’m hanging on to false hope. I know I am. I gave him 9 years of my life that I can’t take back. I’m just lost and confused. Sad and mad. My heart is broken in a million pieces. My kids don’t want to leave. I don’t understand why he can’t see that he is not only hurting me but he is hurting my children too.


Why is your Dad acting as the go between, tell your Dad to tell him to be a man and do his own dirty work. Your Dad should not be the messanger, he is only enabling your husband and not letting your H deal with consequences of his actions. If he wants the divorce, then he has to pull up his big boy britches and deal with it face to face. He cannot do it, because he knows he is a dirtbag. YOu are well rid of him.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your father made a mistake. A well meaning mistake, but a mistake nevertheless.

When your husband gave your father that message your father should have said: "You have to man up and be the man my daughter and my grandchildren deserve.

"I am not going to pass your message on to her. If you want a divorce you must be the one to tell her."


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Queenbee79 said:


> I still love him.


Why? He's not who he was or who you thought he was. He's a narcissistic jerk that is putting his short term pleasure ahead of everything important in his life. He's severely harming the woman he promised to love forever and the children that he helped bring into the world. Why do you still love him?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Why does it matter? He wants a divorce. He is a cheater. What's the discussion that you deem necessary?

I will point out that your contempt for him comes across loud and clear. Despite the fact that he may well have earned that contempt, what possible reason could he have to face you now? He doesn't want to fix things, he just wants you gone. His motives mean little at this point. Game over.

Are you sure you "love" him? Perhaps you simply don't want change or can't accept failure of the marriage. Change is a constant and you don't have to shoulder the entire blame for the failure of your marriage. I suggest you move on and build a new, better life for you and your kids.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

If one of your children were in your situation, what would you want for them? To keep loving their partner who wants nothing to do with them?

Your stuck in the center and its hard to see it from the outside in.

If you keep looking at your past (9 years with him) as something that will be wasted if you divorce then you are just holding yourself back. Think about TODAY and the future, forget the past because its all regrets.

He doesnt want you, and even if he did.. he clearly doesnt know how to be a good husband OR father. Divorce him, take what money you can.. and maybe you can find a better man to help raise the kids.


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## AKA Broken Arrow (Feb 19, 2016)

It sounds like he could use some therapy if he's not already seeing someone.


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