# Stickies?



## Deejo

I don't recall ever seeing a policy on creating sticky posts.

I just keep thinking that there are perpetual common issues posted here, and it would be nice for some of the threads which have received excellent feedback, input, insight or information pertaining to those issues to be allowed to stay at the top instead of disappearing in a few hours.

I just keep thinking about the endless stream of 

"Low/No sex drive"

"How do I know if they're cheating?"

attorneys vs. mediators

"Want to get my spouse into swinging" 

Has this ever been considered?


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## Chris H.

This is a good idea, maybe we can use this thread to nominate sticky threads.


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## 827Aug

The one I see repeated a lot is on the subject of best friends who are the opposite sex.


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## Deejo

I know that I have come across some great threads - pertaining to consistent and recurring themes.

I'll try to keep some helpful threads in mind while I'm trolling ...


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## BigBadWolf

Deejo,

I agree and would like to see this considered.

Your suggestions are good so I will borrow some and add some of my own, although I will not nominate the swinging question and leave that for someone else.

1. If your wife is not interested in sex click here.

2. If your wife is having an affair click here.

3. If your wife wants "space" click here.

4. If your wife says "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" click here. 


So in this stickies, as I have wondered about this myself, what of the disagreements in techniques or solutions? 

I know some things I believe are very effective simply are not believed by others, and much advice I see from others in my own opinion is, well, worse than throwing keresone on a fire. 

So in what theme will these be? Starting a new open ended discussion back and forth with ideas and experiences for each topic? Or perhaps a simple page of links to threads on these subjects already being discussed?

Again, this is a good idea that I believe would be beneficial, even for good men and women to see they are not alone. Often in these relationship scenarios patterns certainly emerge, and when there are patterns, there is predictibility. 

Predictibility sets the stage to turn feelings of chaos into feelings of ordered structure, even if the ordered structure is emotionally painful, at the very least the unknown can become known, and for many good people this will give them great hope and motivation to fix what needs fixing in the relationship.


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## cherrypie18

That would be great!


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## Atholk

Why not a wiki?


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## Deejo

I think a Wiki is far more suitable - but don't know if it's within the scope of the TAM forums.

Maybe a FAQ forum? The initial post is the common question and some of the "greatest hits" responses to those questions could be pasted in? Or new responses could be posted.


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## Chris H.

A Wiki on relationship topics? That actually sounds like a great idea. You guys must love working me to death


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## Atholk

Well we keep repeating the same ground with so many new people and there is increasingly a TAM "method" to dealing with common crises. It gets tiresome to repeat ourselves over and over and we're not progressing much as a community because of the endless repetition.

There's 15-20 or so key commenters offering constructive advice that would probably help out on a wiki.


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## Chris H.

Maybe we could start a sticky thread on each stereotypical topic, and use a few anonymous posts as examples, then chime in with advice that was given?


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## Deejo

I think that would be a good way to get started. May mean a bit more work for the mods, as it is highly likely that such threads will become monstrous.

But ... that is the very reason why they are also necessary.


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## Deejo

K here is my first contribution, mostly because it's what I've been dealing with and found very helpful.

I recall there being some great discussions about dominance in the Ladies Lounge circa early 09, but I couldn't find them.

I'd like to get this sticky'd in the Mens Clubhouse, and we can append the list if others have suggestions. I'll post the thread, and if it gets the thumbs up, great - if not, it will live or die by the click and reply.
Content of post below ***

The Man Up and Nice Guy Reference

All of the following links address an array of questions that pertain to men changing their behavior with a goal of improving how they are perceived by their parnters and themselves.

If you are in a sex starved relationship, if you can't understand why your woman is pulling away despite the fact that you hold her up on a pedestal and do everything in your power to please her and make her happy, then odds are that you will either see yourself and your relationship in these threads, or you will find information that will be useful in attempting to recover it.

While recognizing that there are any number of ways that our relationships fail, these particular topics are geared towards recovering a sense of health and balance within ourselves and our failing marriages and relationships. 

None of the information here is intended to address significant emotional disorders, such as anxiety, depression, addiction or other mental illness. Please seek professional help if you suspect that any of these are a factor in your relationship.

 Mens Clubhouse - I need to Man Up

Mens Clubhouse - Does Your Wife Ever Initiate Sex?

Mens Clubhouse - Wife Denies ... I Don't Buy is just one story detailing the arc of infidelity and the common emotions and behaviors associated with both parties.

Mens Clubhouse - Manly Ways to Work on Yourself

Mens Clubhouse - Modern Men

Sex in Marriage - Husbands who are not Dominate enough & Wives who are - how to reverse roles?

Sex in Marriage - Wife Doesn't Like Sex?

The Mens Clubhouse - What Advice to Tell My Sons About Marriage

Mens Clubhouse - Nice Guys and Other Types

Mens Clubhouse - Man Up Books

Ladies Lounge - Do Women Want a Dominant Man?

Ladies Lounge - Dominance

Mens Clubhouse - How About Them Apples?

General Relationship Discussion - Elle Magazine on Sexless Marriages

Married Man Sex Life A blog maintained by TAM contributor AtholK


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## Affaircare

Ah ha! This is an EXCELLENT idea, as Tanelorn and I find ourselves typing the same info over and over quite often! It would be nice to have stickied topics for the ones we refer to very often (and from Chris' point of view, it would keep things "in house" too). So we will get to work ASAP on such topics for the Coping With Infidelity area and possibly some additions that may be beneficial for the Considering Divorce and Going Through Divorce areas too.


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## Affaircare

The first proposed sticky for the "Coping With Infidelity" area: 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ded-rebuild-trust-dss-honesty.html#post208407

We actually have to type this out over and over again, so it's my first suggested sticky, and if you'd like you can close comments to that thread so that it's "reference only."


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## Affaircare

WOOHOO! Thank you so much  

I'm all happy now. :biggrinangelA: :toast::woohoo:


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## Affaircare

The SECOND proposed sticky for the "Coping With Infidelity" area: 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...isloyal-you-being-controlling.html#post238370

I see this topic coming up a lot in the threads right now, so rather than type this out over and over again, it's my second suggested sticky.


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## Chris H.

I like it, but I think it may be better if we don't pathologize the LS calling them controlling, and focus more on the benefits of transparency first, then talk about controlling behaviors. (wow, I sound like a social worker again now)

Just my opinion, I think it will come off a little nicer like that. I was initially skeptcial about it because I was thinking, "who cares if a LS is a little controlling after they've been cheated on, who wouldn't be!"

I really like how you contrasted the two behavior types and gave examples of them though, great job!


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## Mom6547

BigBadWolf said:


> Deejo,
> 
> I agree and would like to see this considered.
> 
> Your suggestions are good so I will borrow some and add some of my own, although I will not nominate the swinging question and leave that for someone else.
> 
> 1. If your wife is not interested in sex click here.
> 
> 2. If your wife is having an affair click here.
> 
> 3. If your wife wants "space" click here.
> 
> 4. If your wife says "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" click here.


Because... after all... it is always the wife and the weird nonsense that the wife is spewing. Not.


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## Chris H.

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Because... after all... it is always the wife and the weird nonsense that the wife is spewing. Not.


Off-topic :redcard:


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## Affaircare

I have another proposed sticky for the Coping With Infidelity forums: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/21172-never-say-never.html

This one is written by Pit-of-my-Stomach, but MAN it is so well written! He explains in easy-to-understand terms and I think it's helpful for both Loyals and Disloyals to see what "the fog" is and why.... It's a perpetual topic.


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## sweetpea

Affaircare,

Thanks for the suggestion! We will look at it the idea and get back to you.

Jen


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## sweetpea

We (moderator) have changed our minds and have combined the stickies into one thread. We can add threads to the sticky in the future but we can use tags in the future. Tags can be used to highlight certain themes, or words in the future.

Thanks,

M22+
.
/*32


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## Affaircare

Oh I just realize that the link to the http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/21172-never-say-never.html thread that Pit-of-my-Stomach wrote is ... well it's broken or something. It says "No thread specified" and tells us to talk to an Admin...and that thread is GOLD I tell ya! 

Can someone please fix the link? The thread is there so I'm not sure why it's being weird....


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## Chris H.

Thanks, it is fixed now.


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## Affaircare

Thank you so much--that is SUCH a good post and really explains some of that disloyal fog I think in terms that a layman could understand. Pit is really good.


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## Affaircare

I have another suggestion for a sticky under "Coping with Infidelity" It's this thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/23594-180.html#post284932 because people are always asking about the 180 and we have to type it over and over. 

Thanks!


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