# Is science proving he was unfaithful?



## denenen (Jan 31, 2012)

5 months after I got together with my boyfriend I ended up with an STI. I did some research on it and talked to some nurses about it and I wanted to know what the incubation period was between contracting the infection and developing symptoms. I know we hadn't been together long, so I wondered if he or I could have had this prior to getting together and symptoms only showed up 5 months later? The unanimous answer from the DR's and nurses is that no that wasn't possible...the incubation period between contraction and symptoms is 4-28 days.

Well I know I haven't been with anyone else so now my thoughts turned to him...I asked him if he'd been with anyone else, but he swares up and down that he's only been with me....I'm really very confused, I want to believe him...I really do....he seems so genuine when he tells me he has never strayed.

Any thoughts on this? What would you do/think in this situation. At this point I'd be more upset with the lies if I found out it's true....I would never be able to trust him ever again. Am I being paranoid to think he has been fooling around? This is really eating away at me....any thoughts??


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

If the evidence shows objectively that the STI couldn't have been from prior to your relationship and you haven't been with anyone else then he has been with someone else.

That's the fact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My thoughts... You've lost your trust because everything is telling you that he's strayed, and he's not confessing to anything. Does he know why you're asking him if he's strayed? Does he have any brilliant ideas about how you managed to get an STI?

How long have the two of you been together? More than 5 months, I'm taking it. 

C


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

which sti? He could have had it prior to being with you without being aware of it


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

I so wish single ladies on the dating scene were bold enough to let the first date with their potential whatever be at the clinic. When you date a man and some time has gone by and you end up back together you should go to the doctor and share results. That way, when mess like this pops up, you can be confident and not doubt if he strayed. 

If more men and women would care enough about their life and body WANTING to know the status of the person they are dating, trusting and laying down with..................................

Ask yourself these questions:

Does this man look at me and see a *"clean"* woman because we have dated and slept together before?

Do I think he is a *"clean"* man because I dated and slept with him before? 

But when you end up with an STI, someone is ignorantly looking at a face or body and choosing not to use protection on looks or feelings/ no feelings. Now see what you ended up with? If he brought the STI into the relationship or if he brought it while he is in the relationship with you now still shows how careless he is. (both of you for that matter) Please learn a lesson in this. It may not be an STI the next time- it could be a full blown package dear.


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## denenen (Jan 31, 2012)

The ago is trichomoniasis....we were both treated for it with medication to not continue its spread. However, if u read up on it.....it does say most people are asymptomatic but should the develop symptoms which I did, it usually takes between 4-28 days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

denenen said:


> The ago is trichomoniasis....we were both treated for it with medication to not continue its spread. However, if u read up on it.....it does say most people are asymptomatic but should the develop symptoms which I did, it usually takes between 4-28 days.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If most people are asymptomatic then it`s quite possible your SO is telling the truth and has been faithful.

He could have been carrying it unknown to him for quite awhile.



> An asymptomatic carrier (healthy carrier or just carrier) is a person or other organism that has contracted an infectious disease, but who displays no symptoms. Although unaffected by the disease themselves, carriers can transmit it to others.
> Asymptomatic carrier - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You should talk to a health care professional about the asymptomatic part of the disease. I'm surprised it wasn't mentioned if it was a common or even possible thing, since the kind of mistrust an STI creates can destroy relationships. BTW, was your boyfriend diagnosed, or just treated? 

C


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## denenen (Jan 31, 2012)

My boyfriend was only treated.....not tested since we were in an intimate relationship. 
And yes I did consider that he could be asymptomatic and had no idea....so I spoke with a health care professional and told them we had been sexually active for almost 6 months before I developed symptoms....was this normal I asked her....her reply....no....symptoms develop 4-28 days after infection......beyond that time frame should there be no symptoms you are then considered asymptomatic. Therefore, if he did have this prior to meeting me I would have developed symptoms within a month of becoming intimate with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

denenen said:


> My boyfriend was only treated.....not tested since we were in an intimate relationship.
> And yes I did consider that he could be asymptomatic and had no idea....so I spoke with a health care professional and told them we had been sexually active for almost 6 months before I developed symptoms....was this normal I asked her....her reply....no....symptoms develop 4-28 days after infection......beyond that time frame should there be no symptoms you are then considered asymptomatic. Therefore, if he did have this prior to meeting me I would have developed symptoms within a month of becoming intimate with him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, in that light it looks like he was cheating.

There`s no other option based on the evidence is there?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I presume you were having unprotected sex with him all along? No condoms before?

I think he cheated. You could approach him with your concerns and say that medically it seems impossible that he had it before you met and only passed it to you recently. All the evidence tells you that he was unfaithful. But you want to give him the opportunity to prove the docs wrong, and he can take a polygraph test.

See how he reacts.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Denenen....

Your health care provider was wrong. Tricomonas infections are the most common STI. Plus, a FULL 70% of infected persons show absolutely NO signs of infection. Thus, he could have been a carrier for years and not have had the slightest clue. Then, by chance, you were infected. Perhaps you never caught the disease for several months, but then by chance, enough of the parasite was passed to you that you finally started showing symptoms. Or perhaps, you were infected immediately, but didn't show any signs at all, until further repeated infections by him your body jut had enough in trying to fight off the infection.

Yes. Infection symptoms will show after 5 to 28 days. But only after you become one of the 30% whom start to show symptoms.

Did he cheat? Possible. About 3.7 million people in the US alone are carriers. He could have caught it from one of them. Could he be telling the truth? Well...that's about 70% in his favor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Btw....

You can get tricomonas from uncooked steak. But....unless he's got a very very bizarre fetish...that's highly unlikely he got his junk messed up from uncooked meat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## denenen (Jan 31, 2012)

Ummmm.....well it just seems odd, because 2 months after becoming intimate with him I went for my annual pap test and annual sti testing....got a clean bill of health then, only to develop symptoms 3 months later.....something doesn't jive. If the health care professionals are wrong (which I doubt) then what relief is there in getting sti testing?? Why bother then. Just to add on a side note....I got sti tested after my last serious relationship a year prior....and nothing then either. I had not been intimate with anyone else in between, I'm sorry but I feel the cards are lining up against his favour here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

You have to remember that doctors are just people, not encyclopedias, and they are often wrong. Maybe he/she skimmed over that chapter in med school. Or only read the bold text in the book, indicating the incubation period. Nurses, well, they tend to agree with whatever a doctor says, and could just be parroting back this information to you.

Tricomonas is also very difficult to detect. In many cases it can lie dormant in your vagina and still show up negative on STI testing. Unless they happened to sample that exact spot in your vagina containing the parasite, it will show up negative on the tests. Until it blooms to life, and then they are in full production and start causing symptoms.

So...it's still possible he's telling you the truth. But I would still look for other indicators, such as behavior etc in him, as signs of being unfaithful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Isn't it true that many STIs, including HPV, HSV 1 and 2, etc, sometimes show NO symptoms?

The only way to prevent STIs 100% is abstinence....sounds to me like this guy's telling the truth; usually, cheaters bring on many 'symptoms' of their own in the form of red flags.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

denenen said:


> Ummmm.....well it just seems odd, because 2 months after becoming intimate with him I went for my annual pap test and annual sti testing....got a clean bill of health then, only to develop symptoms 3 months later.....something doesn't jive. If the health care professionals are wrong (which I doubt) then what relief is there in getting sti testing?? Why bother then. Just to add on a side note....I got sti tested after my last serious relationship a year prior....and nothing then either. I had not been intimate with anyone else in between, I'm sorry but I feel the cards are lining up against his favour here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 
And you are right. If he is looking you in your eyes and denying, just see it for what it is and that is a good liar. I have a co worker that confided in me because she wanted me to look it up on my computer and bring her the info. I asked her to think back on when she felt something different during sex and she said it was about two weeks from the last time they were together she said she felt really tender and she had to keep asking him to stop. She put plans in place to get her own place after that and she keeps her own protection in her purse now.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

denenen said:


> Ummmm.....well it just seems odd, because 2 months after becoming intimate with him I went for my annual pap test and annual sti testing....got a clean bill of health then, only to develop symptoms 3 months later.....something doesn't jive. If the health care professionals are wrong (which I doubt) then what relief is there in getting sti testing?? Why bother then. Just to add on a side note....I got sti tested after my last serious relationship a year prior....and nothing then either. I had not been intimate with anyone else in between, I'm sorry but I feel the cards are lining up against his favour here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When were you first initimate without protection? Some STI's don't transfer right away, particularly if you use protection.

Also, are there any other signs or red flags that make you think he is cheating? Unexplained time away, keeping his phone hidden while texting, etc. that would support your thinking that he cheated.


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## denenen (Jan 31, 2012)

Dear alphaomega,
Well if the contraction of an sti isn't an absolute red flag then what in your opinion would be an absolute indication in behaviour of infidelity short of catching him in the act?? If science can be filled with so many loop holes, so can psychology and human behaviour then. I could request him to take a plolygraph test as an other poster suggested....but wait....even that test isn't 100%

So if what you're saying is true....after taking my medication to rid myself of this parasite, they re-tested me and it came back negative....but maybe they didn't test the proper place in my vagina and I'm still infected??

I have to ask you, what makes you so knowledgeable on this topic and medicine? Are you a Doctor?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

denenen said:


> Dear alphaomega,
> Well if the contraction of an sti isn't an absolute red flag then what in your opinion would be an absolute indication in behaviour of infidelity short of catching him in the act?? If science can be filled with so many loop holes, so can psychology and human behaviour then. I could request him to take a plolygraph test as an other poster suggested....but wait....even that test isn't 100%
> 
> So if what you're saying is true....after taking my medication to rid myself of this parasite, they re-tested me and it came back negative....but maybe they didn't test the proper place in my vagina and I'm still infected??
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

denenen said:


> Dear alphaomega,
> Well if the contraction of an sti isn't an absolute red flag then what in your opinion would be an absolute indication in behaviour of infidelity short of catching him in the act?? If science can be filled with so many loop holes, so can psychology and human behaviour then. I could request him to take a plolygraph test as an other poster suggested....but wait....even that test isn't 100%
> 
> So if what you're saying is true....after taking my medication to rid myself of this parasite, they re-tested me and it came back negative....but maybe they didn't test the proper place in my vagina and I'm still infected??
> ...



That was good
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## denenen (Jan 31, 2012)

@ tall average guy. Well it's hard to say about other red flags in his behaviour....what is a red flag?? Are red flags defined as a change in their normal behaviour and habits? Couldn't that just be him settling into the relationship and becoming more comfortable. For example at the beginning of a relationship he was always on his best behaviour, trying to impress me.....after time his "true colours" so to speak emerged??
Anyway, he does do things that cause me suspicion....such as, for example...leaving his cell and wallet and other belongings locked in his car when we live together, for which I don't have a spare key to his car, but he expects one for mine....and he regularly snoop in my car....I asked what he looks for and he says anything.
Or the piece de resistance for me is catching him red handed doing something ( not cheating) but just as bad as he told me he would never do this act.....and lied to my face repeatedly. I told him that I needed him to be honest to me or it would destroy my trust, but he could never own it. I told him if he can bold faced lie to me about this....what else is he capable of lying about, he never answered just gave me that stupid puppy eyes look!
I would receive unknown callers hanging up in my face for a period of time...about a month or two...then it would stop for 6 months and start all over again.

And he would hide a relationship with a female that he knew caused conflict in our relationship even after he promised to end it......she keeps coming back up! And the list goes on and on So are those red flags?? Who knows I'm sure they can be explained away too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## denenen (Jan 31, 2012)

I feel I must add.....that I discovered the sti 5 months into the relationship.....3 days before we were to get married. I didn't have all the answers about the sti when I made my decision to go ahead with the marriage. The reason I chose to marry so quick was because I became pregnant 2 months in to the relationship and panicked. So @ nearly 4 months pregnant I developed symptoms and was diagnosed. !s I had mentioned earlier I had every test done for sti's when I first found out about the pregnancy 2 months into the relationship....and it all came back negative. Conveniently a month before developing symptoms....he was invited to a bachelor party for a friend of his....and spent the night out......within 28 days of that night I was experiencing symptoms that didn't feel typical of pregnancy.

Anyway, this all happened 7 years ago....we are still married, but I've been terrified of the other "red flags" along the way over the years.....and I was just wondering if I've over looked the biggest one.....the first one....that keeps haunting me, telling me I've made a HUGE mistake trusting this man!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## denenen (Jan 31, 2012)

I just wanted to add that despite the sti I contracted from him during my pregnancy and the potentially hazardous medication I had to take to rid myself of it.....I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy 9 pound baby girl, who is now 6 years old and the light in my life 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I feel for you. An awful situation. Sounds like he cheated. Sounds like he continues to, esp if he locks his wallet and phone in his car. And then snoops in yours. I would say that hiding wallet and phone is a bigger red flag than any you have written. That is not normal. Who on earth would leave those valuable possessions in the car? Why would you leave your phone somewhere you cannot be reached? What is the point having a phone if no one can get in contact with you! He is cheating. That is if this is a current behaviour rather than one that was 7 years ago. I would get his keys and go to the car and look at his possessions in there. See what else he hides in there. And if you cannot do it sneaky with no chance of being found out, tell him you are doing that, he has to remain in house while you look at his stuff. You will soon fond out for yourself. You will know by what you do or don't find, or by his reaction to you insisting that that is what you are about to do.
Good luck.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

denenen said:


> @ tall average guy. Well it's hard to say about other red flags in his behaviour....what is a red flag?? Are red flags defined as a change in their normal behaviour and habits? Couldn't that just be him settling into the relationship and becoming more comfortable. For example at the beginning of a relationship he was always on his best behaviour, trying to impress me.....after time his "true colours" so to speak emerged??
> Anyway, he does do things that cause me suspicion....such as, for example...leaving his cell and wallet and other belongings locked in his car when we live together, for which I don't have a spare key to his car, but he expects one for mine....and he regularly snoop in my car....I asked what he looks for and he says anything.
> Or the piece de resistance for me is catching him red handed doing something ( not cheating) but just as bad as he told me he would never do this act.....and lied to my face repeatedly. I told him that I needed him to be honest to me or it would destroy my trust, but he could never own it. I told him if he can bold faced lie to me about this....what else is he capable of lying about, he never answered just gave me that stupid puppy eyes look!
> I would receive unknown callers hanging up in my face for a period of time...about a month or two...then it would stop for 6 months and start all over again.
> ...



So u have someome hanging up in ur face and he hides and lies about ending a relatiohship. Sounds like u have ur answer. If he keeps his phone locked in his car but goes through your stuff you know wat that is all about . He burned you and he is lying to your face about it. Do you need convincing or youre jus venting? What do you plan to do about it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Denenen,

I'm not trying to convince you to stay. I'm only giving you possibilities, which is what the title of your post is asking.

Based on your posts about red flags, then I would say you have enough red flags to support your hypothesis that there is a high certainty he is cheating. Particularily if he's already hiding the fact about relationships with other women; that alone would give me enough evidence to make up my mind.

Btw..the second test they did after your medication would have been more thorough a test, as opposed to a broad spectrum STI analysis. So yes, your most likely 99.9 % parasite free now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Denenen, at first I was skeptical about your man cheating, until I read your last 3 posts. Now there's not a shred of doubt in my mind that this guy was unfaithful to you and brought you this STI as a consequence.

I'm so sorry, but the way he acts and hides things is a sure sign to me.


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## denenen (Jan 31, 2012)

thank you for all your input it is much appreciated. There is one other small detail I'd like to disect before making a final decision. As I mentioned earlier one of the "red flags" for me was this other woman he lied about cutting ties with....the woman that caused conflicts in our relationship.

This woman is his cousins wife. We all use to hang around together and were all fairly close, that is, until I discovered what type of people they were. She was bi-sexual and they frequently enduldged in threesomes and swingers parties, alot of those activities were centred around drugs and alcohol. This was just not my scene. Alot of her female friends were drug addicted prostitute looking like women....not pretty girls...trashy warn out looking girls. So my Husband and I had a chat about that and decided to distance ourselves from that circle. We deleted them from facebook and msn.

A year later I found out that my husband was secretly chatting with the wife on both his personal facebook and msn, which caused our first argument. He deleted her again and claimed innocence that he did not add her but rather she requested his friendship.

This is approx. when the unknown phone caller started and would hang up in my face.

A year after that I found out that twice a week while driving our oldest daughter to Army Cadets he would stop over there for 3 at a time hours behind my back....doing??? How I found out about this situation was on that fateful evening...I called his cell repetedly with no answer....when on the 6th phone call he answered and seemed a bit "off" he was telling me that he had bumped in to a fellow co-worker on the street and he stopped to chat....that he had left his cell in the car and didn't hear the phone ringing.....when suddenly I hear a child cry in the background and he quickly hung up! I had a pit in my stomache knowing he must be at her house. I called there with a blocked number...she answered and sure enough I heard him in the background. I confronted her and she admitted he had been there all along not answering his phone saying things like oh it's my wife I don't want to talk to her. She also admitted that he goes there twice a week behind my back on cadet nights. When he came home I was hurt and angry. I asked for his version and he said he goes to visit his cousin....but strangely most nights his cousin isn't there CUZ he's at work!!

We argued and he stormed out. Turned his cell off for the night. I noticed that a charge came through on my on-line banking for a case of beer...really?? My husband doesn't drink beer...but his cousin's wife and girlfriends sure do. The next morning My husband comes home sucking up and appologetic. I asked him where he spent the night....he said in the truck....I asked why did you buy beer....he said I was depressed and in the mood....I asked where is the case? He said I drank it all.....and through the case in the ditch....he said I was parked across the street watching the house to see if any strange men came over. I walked across the street in anger and saw no empty beer or caps or anything. I knew he was lying! I came home went upstairs and called that woman's house again....and surprise...one of her prostitute friends answered all groggy from sleep seeing as it was only 7 in the morning. I accused her straight out of sleeping with my husband....her reply....nothing happened I was on my period and hung up! So I got my answer again...and it wasn't from him! More lies.

He cried begged pleaded and appologized.....vowing on our marriage that he will forever cut ties with that woman forever. Stupidly I gave him one last chance. When a year later, almost to the day he walks in the door from work and his cell phone started vibrating.....I heard it in his pocket and he gave me a deer caught in headlights look. I asked who it was...he looked and said....just my dad and rejected the call. He never ignores his father...I knew something was up. I told him I didn't believe him and I wanted to see the phone...he said ok it wasn't my dad...it was....THE OTHER WOMAN AGAIN!!!! HOW?? how does she have the number to the new cell phones we just got not even 4 months ago!!! He admitted that he had bumped in to her a few months ago, and that his cousin had work for him. So My husband gave them the number for his cousin to call as soon as they were hiring. I couldn't understand this...my husband has a good secure job for the past 4 years that he loved....never telling me that he was looking for something else. The job his cousin offered was to go diamond drilling out of town for 3 weeks and home for one. I then asked my husband why did "she" call you then...his reply....because her husband is out of town for 3 weeks working!!! REALLY! Why wouldn't your cousin have called while he was at home for a week. I wanted to end my marriage right then and there. I can't take this. He tells me the only reason he hid it is because he knew it would upset me....that nothing was going on and that he only wanted info for a new job...that btw....he never ended up applying for.

That was 6 months ago and since then he has re-added her...not his cousin, just her...to facebook. I'm thinking I'm going to force him to take the lower paying insecure diamond drilling job....and while he's away for 3 weeks....make a clean brake for it!!


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Geesh, OP this thread keeps on giving new information that would have made it easier to respond to if all your info had been there early on. 
What did you expect him to behave like with his association with swinggers? And no one would have had to guess about his possible cheating either. Are you an author or hollywood soap-opera director?  This thread so reminds me of a soap opera,lol. Please,I beg you to contiue,lol. This is gettin' good kids!:rofl:


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Sometimes it takes months, even years depending on the infection/disease. In the future make sure the man wears a condom every single time. Do this until your married and ready to have children. I hope you didn't get something that is incurable. That would really be awful. 

Play it smart in the future. I think it's best to get to know them well before jumping in the sack anyways. I learned that from my own lesson. I had a child at a young age, married the guy and he ended up being very abusive and unfaithful towards me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bartimaus (Oct 15, 2011)

Well,I learn real fast! I found out my ex was a cheat the first year of our marriage. Then Sept.2011 I walked in her place of employment and caught her flirting with a co-worker and decided that was it. I only stayed with her 37 1/2 years! Pretty smart guy are I not? Yes mamm, I catch on real fast.
Ok,feeling silly this morning,won't respond anymore,I must be off.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

denenen said:


> *5 months after I got together with my boyfriend I ended up with an STI.* I did some research on it and talked to some nurses about it and I wanted to know what the incubation period was between contracting the infection and developing symptoms. I know we hadn't been together long, so I wondered if he or I could have had this prior to getting together and symptoms only showed up 5 months later? The unanimous answer from the DR's and nurses is that no that wasn't possible...the incubation period between contraction and symptoms is 4-28 days.
> 
> Well I know I haven't been with anyone else so now my thoughts turned to him...I asked him if he'd been with anyone else, but he swares up and down that he's only been with me....I'm really very confused, I want to believe him...I really do....he seems so genuine when he tells me he has never strayed.
> 
> Any thoughts on this? What would you do/think in this situation. At this point I'd be more upset with the lies if I found out it's true....I would never be able to trust him ever again. Am I being paranoid to think he has been fooling around? This is really eating away at me....any thoughts??





denenen said:


> thank you for all your input it is much appreciated. There is one other small detail I'd like to disect before making a final decision. As I mentioned earlier one of the "red flags" for me was this other woman he lied about cutting ties with....the woman that caused conflicts in our relationship.
> 
> This woman is his cousins wife. We all use to hang around together and were all fairly close, that is, until I discovered what type of people they were. She was bi-sexual and they frequently enduldged in threesomes and swingers parties, alot of those activities were centred around drugs and alcohol. This was just not my scene. Alot of her female friends were drug addicted prostitute looking like women....not pretty girls...trashy warn out looking girls. So my Husband and I had a chat about that and decided to distance ourselves from that circle. We deleted them from facebook and msn.
> 
> ...


 
*:scratchhead:So he is not your boyfriend he is your husband? Were you just testing us to see how we'd respond before you gave us the real low down gusto of the truth? :scratchhead:*


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

*Either way boyfriend, husband watever he is he is a liar and he is a cheater. He has some things going on that raise huge red flags. I understand you want advice but some people have been abused with trolls coming on here and making up crap just to get pages of replies. *


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

denenen said:


> @ tall average guy. Well it's hard to say about other red flags in his behaviour....what is a red flag?? Are red flags defined as a change in their normal behaviour and habits? Couldn't that just be him settling into the relationship and becoming more comfortable. For example at the beginning of a relationship he was always on his best behaviour, trying to impress me.....after time his "true colours" so to speak emerged??
> Anyway, he does do things that cause me suspicion....such as, for example...leaving his cell and wallet and other belongings locked in his car when we live together, for which I don't have a spare key to his car, but he expects one for mine....and he regularly snoop in my car....I asked what he looks for and he says anything.
> Or the piece de resistance for me is catching him red handed doing something ( not cheating) but just as bad as he told me he would never do this act.....and lied to my face repeatedly. I told him that I needed him to be honest to me or it would destroy my trust, but he could never own it. I told him if he can bold faced lie to me about this....what else is he capable of lying about, he never answered just gave me that stupid puppy eyes look!
> I would receive unknown callers hanging up in my face for a period of time...about a month or two...then it would stop for 6 months and start all over again.
> ...


Look, if you are only interested in playing gotcha games, that is fine. Please let me know and I can stop wasting my time. You never posted this information before, and I was asking because there were possible reasons why the STI showed up when it did that did not involve cheating (though I can't help but notice you refuse to answer the question about when you first were unprotected with him).

None the less, assuming you are legitimate, yes, those are huge issues and the STI is the merely icing on the cake. These are enourmous red flags, plus he lied to you.

So why are you with him (and noting your post below) why did you have his kid? He is not trust worthy, does not trust you, and has signs that he is having an affair, even before the STI. So why are you with him.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

shaylady said:


> *:scratchhead:So he is not your boyfriend he is your husband? Were you just testing us to see how we'd respond before you gave us the real low down gusto of the truth? :scratchhead:*


boyfriend when she got the std, married when he started up again with swinger cousin wife


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

almostrecovered said:


> boyfriend when she got the std, married when he started up again with swinger cousin wife


 
okay thanks


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Look, if you are only interested in playing gotcha games, that is fine. Please let me know and I can stop wasting my time. You never posted this information before, and I was asking because there were possible reasons why the STI showed up when it did that did not involve cheating (though I can't help but notice you refuse to answer the question about when you first were unprotected with him).
> 
> None the less, assuming you are legitimate, yes, those are huge issues and the STI is the merely icing on the cake. These are enourmous red flags, plus he lied to you.
> 
> So why are you with him (and noting your post below) why did you have his kid? He is not trust worthy, does not trust you, and has signs that he is having an affair, even before the STI. So why are you with him.


 
:iagree: and I actually think it is someone who is usually on this forum but came in under a different name because she didn't want to reveal it under the name she uses to post


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## denenen (Jan 31, 2012)

whoa ok...first of all This is my first time ever posting on here, I'm probably doing it wrong, but definately not playing games. I don't even know what gotcha games are? I didn't originally post this huge long winded life story of my turbulant marriage, because I could have had a very lengthy Original post. I did however, mention on the first page of the thread the details about me being married and other potential red flags asked by another poster.

@Tall Average Guy...we used protection from day one until a month and a half down the road. I was not on the pill (due to migraines) and had no protection and I knew it was my fertile week so I asked him to abstein until he made a trip to get some more condoms. The very next morning I woke up with him already inside of me....un-protected....I stopped him, but obviously too late as 2 weeks later I discovered I was pregnant. I Continued having un-protected sex with him after the discovery of my pregnancy. To answer your other question, I had a child before him from when I was young. I got pregnant by him before knowing anything about him.....I only starting discovering potential "red flags" 5 months down the road....already pregnant....and being diagnosed with an sti. It wasn't until almost a year after marriage that these other red flags as I've previously posted started appearing. So I don't continue to have children with him.
The good question is, why am I still with him. Because i love him, I love our family, and I'm terrified to leave. Or perhaps it's best to say i did love him, I had what seemed like an endless supply of hope in our love and our union....but that's being replaced with anger, resentment, and hostility. I'm very sad, very lonely, and most of all terrified. I have nobody to vent to or even ask an opinion....this seemed like a safe place, resting in annonymity. So Tall Average guy, if posting here seems to you a waste of time, by all means don't.

Hind sight is 20-20, and I was just curious if I missed the first red-flag being the sti...I was curious to see if others...if faced in that situation would go running for the hills....or disregard it and marry him as I did. I don't know I just wanted some input, not to be called a liar. I don't need judgement at this point trust me I hold myself in contempt already from the many mistakes staying in this marriage so long has already cost me.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Denen,

Don't hold yourself in contempt. This is not your fault. As spouses, we tend to overlook obvious signs because deep down we wish to truly trust those that we are supposed to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

denenen said:


> whoa ok...first of all This is my first time ever posting on here, I'm probably doing it wrong, but definately not playing games. I don't even know what gotcha games are? I didn't originally post this huge long winded life story of my turbulant marriage, because I could have had a very lengthy Original post. I did however, mention on the first page of the thread the details about me being married and other potential red flags asked by another poster.
> 
> @Tall Average Guy...we used protection from day one until a month and a half down the road. I was not on the pill (due to migraines) and had no protection and I knew it was my fertile week so I asked him to abstein until he made a trip to get some more condoms. The very next morning I woke up with him already inside of me....un-protected....I stopped him, but obviously too late as 2 weeks later I discovered I was pregnant. I Continued having un-protected sex with him after the discovery of my pregnancy. To answer your other question, I had a child before him from when I was young. I got pregnant by him before knowing anything about him.....I only starting discovering potential "red flags" 5 months down the road....already pregnant....and being diagnosed with an sti. It wasn't until almost a year after marriage that these other red flags as I've previously posted started appearing. So I don't continue to have children with him.
> The good question is, why am I still with him. Because i love him, I love our family, and I'm terrified to leave. Or perhaps it's best to say i did love him, I had what seemed like an endless supply of hope in our love and our union....but that's being replaced with anger, resentment, and hostility. I'm very sad, very lonely, and most of all terrified. I have nobody to vent to or even ask an opinion....this seemed like a safe place, resting in annonymity. So Tall Average guy, if posting here seems to you a waste of time, by all means don't.
> ...


 
I'm sorry for accusing- after reading this, you havent made any mistakes- He has. I understand feeling terrified and not wanting to break up your family and you also have to look out for you as well.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Based on that, the STI should have been a red flag (especially as it sounds like you were seeing other issues pop up). 

I am sorry you are at this point. I am glad you found this place, and hope it helps you deal with it. Answering your questions is not a waste, just recognize that we can only comment based on the information you provide. You need to figure how you are going to fix the mess you are in. You need to look out for yourself. You also need to consider your children and what you are teaching them in the way you act. I wish you the best in this.


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