# I want the truth please...



## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

I don't know any of you personally but I want to know....and only the truth cuz no one is watching you...

Do all men cheat? 

I don't know why but lately all I've been hearing from friends, coworkers, etc that all men cheat, whether the woman finds out or not, they do. Sometimes is cuz they can't resist the temptation and there is another woman available, or whether is emotional. Is this true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

No not all men cheat. I'm in a sexless marriage period of almost three years and I don't cheat. Watch porn sometimes. Cheat no.

Now I will say many men probably do cheat. Especially if a wife doesn't keep them interested.
Men have needs.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I don't think so..

Do all women cheat as well?


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## Airbus (Feb 8, 2012)

Just curious, but have you posted this before, or was that someone else?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I cheated. And even I wouldn't claim "all men" cheat. Heck, I wouldn't even say "most men". And as far as I know, the percentages are running pretty even between the genders.

C


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I'm a man, I don't cheat, ergo "all men cheat" is false.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If men cheat they are presumably cheating with a woman, and it's my guess they're not necessarily single women... I think the question might better be asked of both genders?

I'm a middle-aged woman and I've never cheated on anyone, and have no intentions of ever doing so.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Ok, I dont remember posting this up before but I have my doubts. Yes, you are right, there is a woman for a man that cheats but I have taken sexuality classes in my past and even the WOMAN professor stated that most men have and will cheat in their lifetime due to their increasing amount of hormones.

Women are more sentimental. We mostly cheat based on emotions...men are just, well...to put it nicely, if a good looking woman came up to a guy and offered them sex, without the SO ever finding out, c'on, I believe a man that says they wouldn't take it is lying.

I'm just a little bummed. Statistics show that at least 70% of men cheat, and that's only the ones that have admitted to doing it. Yes, women cheat also but that's the last resort when we're emotionally abused...men mostly do it for sexual satisfaction.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Women only cheat because they are emotionally abused?

I'm not sure what your "Sexuality" professor has her degree in, but - sorry to say, I'm calling BS on her "statistics" that 70% of men cheat and that women only cheat because of emotional abuse. 

Some women cheat for the hell of it, some women cheat for revenge, some women cheat because they like the power or the thrill of the forbidden, shock of all shocks, cheat for sexual satisfaction because they are in a sexless marriage with an uninterested spouse. 

So - just because one "professor" somewhere said something, that doesn't mean its automatically correct. I mean - there are history "professors" that deny the Holocaust - are they automatically right too?


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Trying2figureitout said:


> No not all men cheat. I'm in a sexless marriage period of almost three years and I don't cheat. Watch porn sometimes. Cheat no.
> 
> Now I will say many men probably do cheat. Especially if a wife doesn't keep them interested.
> Men have needs.


You can be one of the few exceptions then I guess. But why do men cheat if their wife is keeping them happy? I mean, lets say a wife cooks, clean, does a good job with the kids, has sex with you every day, communicates with you....yet the man goes out there and cheat...why?


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Starstarfish she didnt say that women cheat because they're emotionally abused, she said that men have a high hormonal balance therefore, they are most likely to cheat. 

Women cheating for revenge is emotional, getting satisfaction elsewhere because of their uninterested spouse is also emotional. Women are emotional beings, unless is those few exceptions that most likely have resulted from some kind of unbalance emotionally that another man has caused them in their past. 

I'm not asking because 1 professor said anything, is actually almost every guy I have met, even family members, counselors, etc. In one way or another, they do think that if a couple stays in a relationship for a long time, the man most likely will cheat. As do women but since I am a woman, Im just interested in knowing about men.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Starstarfish she didnt say that women cheat because they're emotionally abused, she said that men have a high hormonal balance therefore, they are most likely to cheat.


Of course. And we must surely cheat with one another in homosexual relationships since women cheat less?!



> to put it nicely, if a good looking woman came up to a guy and offered them sex, without the SO ever finding out, c'on, I believe a man that says they wouldn't take it is lying.


But women usually don't do that much and there is always the risk of the spouse finding out in non hypothetical situations. Plus, i think you are underestimating the response of women to that question. Replace "a good looking woman" with some good looking TV star and you'll have women jumping on it without a doubt. 

Hell, i'm betting some would even outright dump their partners just for the chance to pork Brad Pitt or equivalent.

And your professor can say what she wants. Without reliable stats her words have as much credibility as the next guy.



> Women cheating for revenge is emotional, getting satisfaction elsewhere because of their uninterested spouse is also emotional. Women are emotional beings, unless is those few exceptions that most likely have resulted from some kind of unbalance emotionally that another man has caused them in their past.


Are you really saying that when a woman cheat a guy is always 
to blame in some way? 

You want to learn about men? Many of us absolutely dislike that kind of bullcrap. I would advise you not to ever say that in the presence of a man you're interested in.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

costa200 in case you didn't know, there are far way more women than men. Refer to the birth statistics in your area and you will find out. Also, statistics show that men cheat wayyyy more than women do so regardless of the professor saying it or not, is a fact!...Yes, you're right, a man would get so uptight if this conversation would be brought up, why? because in some way, they know it can be true...or why would you get mad about it?

I came here looking for opinions....facts I already know about. I just wanted to be reminded that there are good men out there regardless if they see a good looking ass or not...


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

msgarcia000 said:


> professor stated that most men have and will cheat in their lifetime due to their increasing amount of hormones.


Not true. Men's hormones, specifically testosterone, peaks in their 20s and gradually decreases over the rest of their lifetime.

Women's hormones peak in their 40s, which is why the term "cougar" was invented.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I was married 18 years, and there were many, many periods that my sex life wasn't what i desired, but i didn't cheat. The thought never crossed my mind.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

msgarcia000 said:


> ...to put it nicely, if a good looking woman came up to a guy and offered them sex, without the SO ever finding out, c'on, I believe a man that says they wouldn't take it is lying.


This is an outrageous (and heinous) statement. The underlying assumption of this statement is that all men are “horny teenage boys” and consistently act on impulse. 

IMHO, the frequency of cheating is not a gender issue but rather a character issue (assuming no mental illness is present). People cheat for many reasons … sexual gratification, self-esteem boost, boredom, etc. … however, the character flaw that allows them to cross the line and actually cheat is a sense of entitlement. In other words the attitude that says "I’m entitled to have my needs/wants met in any way I choose, regardless of the consequences to others”.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I'm a woman, and *I'M* angry!

ALL men do NOT cheat.
MOST men do NOT cheat.
Men with morals, self-respect and class do NOT cheat on their wives/SO just because 'no-one will ever find out'!
Men are not some gutless creatures unable to stand up against the onslaught of their hormones and penises.
Women are not some better/holier/worthier/saintlier creatures better able to stand up against the onslaught of their hormones and vaginas.

These ridiculously STUPID arguments are the gender-equivalent of racism. ALL black people like watermelon. ALL hispanics are illegals. ALL blondes are idiots. ALL big-breasted women are sl*ts. ALL men are horndogs who cheat.

Might I remind you that the 'counselors' who are espousing this ALL MEN CHEAT theory are people who work with couples (or individuals) who are ALREADY IN TROUBLE. Their perception is skewed because so many of their clients HAVE CHEATED, or WANT TO CHEAT. They are not seeing the billions of men who are not cheating...because THOSE MEN are not in need of a counselor! So the counselors are jaded/biased by virtue of their clientele.

It's like talking to cops or DAs, they see the dregs of society day in and day out, OF COURSE they're jaded!

I thought multi-culturalism was supposed to help rid us of these STUPID, racist, sexist stereotypes.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

msgarcia000 said:


> Women are more sentimental. We mostly cheat based on emotions...men are just, well...to put it nicely, if a good looking woman came up to a guy and offered them sex, without the SO ever finding out, c'on, I believe a man that says they wouldn't take it is lying


I had that exact opportunity. I said no. I am not lying. It has happened more than once.

I know women who had the same opportunity and said yes.

Therefore I must respectfully disagree with you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> I came here looking for opinions....facts I already know about. I just wanted to be reminded that there are good men out there regardless if they see a good looking ass or not...


It's my guess that you'll believe those 'facts' of yours, no matter what any of us tell you...


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

With all this talk, I decided to do a little quick and dirty research. Here are three different websites that showed some signs of validity in their research but came up with dramatically different numbers. But these three sites also said that accurate numbers are difficult to come by because admitting infidelity is such a taboo subject.

This link is from TruthAboutDeception.com, and while it does not mention a lot of concrete statistics, it does have a ton of references and appears well researched.

This link is from The Kinsey Institute, but it discusses infidility on a global canvas, and it does not explicitly mention trends in the US.

This is from a site called, appropriately enough, InfidelityFacts.com. It is a bare bones site that does not cite specific reference, but it mentions that their research includes, but is not limited to "university research, psychological surveys, mass public polls and the recordings of marriage and family counselors." And it appears to me that this site reflects a number of others which have similar--but also uncited--statistics.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

No.. all men do not cheat.

My husband hasn't cheated in the past 23 years since I've known him.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is a sad indictment on ones own personality to think that ALL/MOST of either gender act in certain ways. Probably more a mirroring issue to do with the people that expouse these types of stereotypes.


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

msgarcia000 said:


> You can be one of the few exceptions then I guess. But why do men cheat if their wife is keeping them happy? I mean, lets say a wife cooks, clean, does a good job with the kids, has sex with you every day, communicates with you....yet the man goes out there and cheat...why?


Because that man is a douche bag.
If such a woman exists, to cheat on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If a hot woman just approached me and offered me sex, I'd figure either I was being Punkd or she's a hooker.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

No all men do not cheat. I've never cheated, not once.

All women don't cheat either.

I do think some of cheating statistics are double or triple counting cheating men and women as most cheaters are repeat offenders.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Never cheated. 25 years and counting.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Msgarcia, maybe portraying men as all cheaters is just your way of letting yourself off the hook and dodging blame for your inability to find a great man? It allows you to victimize yourself and removes any blame for one or more bad relationships. Werent you the one that kept taking back a cheating BF or husband?


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Looks like i am about to throw my own gender under the bus. Ha

I think most people are not good this goes for men and women. I think with that said most men are almost like programmed to cheat and will cheat at some point in their lives. This is of course only because i do not view most people as good and because men lead civilizations and are the inventors most of the time they are also the ones to act on impulse more (violence) and go to war etc. I feel because of that among many other things in the male condition and the evolution of the male vs that of the female and the clear differences between the sexes (we are not equal despite what everyone wants to say) men are designed and programmed not necessarily to cheat but not for monogamy. Now before the feminist attack me saying "oooh but but but women can love sex too and don't need to be married"... Realize that the female has played a much different role in the evolution of man kind and her position throughout human history has been much different, heck her sexual organs being different means she cannot behave like a man can behave in certain instances.


Anyhow without side tracking too much.

I think a good portion of men will cheat like 3/4 or 2/3. I deal with divorces for a living i see and hear things and see stats all the time. I so often hear why ___ is divorcing ___ and its because of infidelity. FACT of the mater is most divorces are not occurring because of "financial reasons" they are occurring because of abuse, or infidelity or total lack of compatibility (rare usually people cheat on the other by than) nobody can just call it quits when they are not compatible! someone always has to cheat it seems.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

this thread wont go anywhere because people want to play devil's advocate for everything

"'oooh but but ____ does not act like this that means that ___statement is wrong and i disagree"

look we can assess behavior based off the differences in the brain between males and females and the evolution that makes them so different ALONG with how they are raised and their positions throughout human history that will play an effect on their brain. We can also come to some reasonable conclusions based off observing differences between the sexes and how they conduct themselves on average. ........ However there are those who wishes to ignore reality in favor of their own world they create so that is why this thread may not go anywhere. 


Also sad but likely someone who commented in this thread has a spouse that has cheated, is cheating, or will cheat. How well do you really know another human being? that is the question. It seems by browsing TAM one can infer that a good portion of our users do not truly know their spouse. So i would not be surprised if a large % of the users are being cheated on. 


I wish everyone best of luck though i might like to add.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> Looks like i am about to throw my own gender under the bus. Ha
> 
> I think most people are not good this goes for men and women. I think with that said most men are almost like programmed to cheat and will cheat at some point in their lives. This is of course only because i do not view most people as good and because men lead civilizations and are the inventors most of the time they are also the ones to act on impulse more (violence) and go to war etc. I feel because of that among many other things in the male condition and the evolution of the male vs that of the female and the clear differences between the sexes (we are not equal despite what everyone wants to say) men are designed and programmed not necessarily to cheat but not for monogamy. Now before the feminist attack me saying "oooh but but but women can love sex too and don't need to be married"... Realize that the female has played a much different role in the evolution of man kind and her position throughout human history has been much different, heck her sexual organs being different means she cannot behave like a man can behave in certain instances.
> 
> ...


How many women cheat?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

I was in a sexless marriage. For 14 years.

I had opportunities to cheat and could have justified them to myself.

I didn't.

Because it was the right thing to do. And I had respect for myself, my vows and my wife whom I loved even without the sex.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Wazza said:


> How many women cheat?


women are poor liars (imo). so when they cheat it gets found out relatively quickly. Generally when men come into to file for divorce one of two things has occurred and is the reason for them filing for divorce.

1) there wife cheated on them, they found out and are leaving their wife. They often come see a lawyer before they confront their wife in order for them to be able to get the most out of the divorce and not be screwed over in losing lots of say assets. 

or 

2) they meet another woman and become serious with this woman. They than come in and file for divorce before their wife can find out that they are cheating. Because if the wife finds out that the husband is cheating that is all the ammo/evidence she needs in order to walk away with a rather large amount of the assets the married couple shares. So the men who are "smart cheaters" who are seriously involved with another woman will come file for divorce/seek legal advice ahead of time in order to avoid the affair from eventually being found out by wife. They in other words eventually drop the papers on the wife unexpectedly and have it all figured out and are set to walk away with a sweet deal usually.

Also in before i get attacked by people wishing to argue and be the devil's advocate. 

I can see it now "NOT ALL WOMEN ARE POOR LIARS"----yes i know that!

Oh and the courts favor women and its not because of some conspiracy against men, but rather because men have a horrible track record at the courts. In divorce cases considering so often when divorce occurs its the female filing for divorce and so often its because the male has cheated, or committed some form of abuse or a combo of things. So because the courts favor women ,men who are being cheated on will often prefer to come in and get legal advice before they even confront their wife in case she runs to get legal advice before him.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Wazza said:


> How many women cheat?


id say around 1/5th overall (counting non married women)

and id say around 1/4th of married women. 1/2 is way to high at tops 1/3 and that 1/3 would be for lower income, less educated women.

No doubt women cheat but far more evidence exists that suggest men cheat at higher rates. About two or, three times as much as women. People so often forget that most of the U.S. is not college educated, living in the suburbs doing okay/decent financially. An increase in education, quality of life, living conditions, mental health, and financial well being (moving up the ladder) correlates with lower divorce rates and rates of infidelity.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> *women are poor liars (imo). so when they cheat it gets found out relatively quickly. Generally when men come into to file for divorce one of two things has occurred and is the reason for them filing for divorce.*


Actually everything I have read on the subject says the complete opposite, women are much better at hiding their indiscretions and can have long term affairs without being caught.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Holland said:


> Actually everything I have read on the subject says the complete opposite, women are much better at hiding their indiscretions and can have long term affairs without being caught.


In the long run i do not feel women are better liars. They tell their secrets to everyone the way their brains function vs that of men suggest to me that they are more likely to spill the beans. Women are also more neurotic than men, precisely because men are less open with their feelings and less likely to go seek help.

Females are the more compassionate sex, more emotional and in ways stronger because they can deal with their emotions in ways so many men cannot. Women have a larger limbic system in their brain this makes them more emotional, also women have a befriend and tend strategy towards stress while men fight or flight. I also might like to say that women say far more words than men a day and love to talk. Women cannot seem to keep secrets 

Men have secrets they never tell anyone. Just think of all the hidden things in history men in governments have hidden or how serious men take secret societies and fraternities so often. Men do not have the need or drive to want to socialize to the level that women do nor do men have the programming to be as emotional as women because of this men can easily TURN OFF. The fact that men can turn off and commit acts lets say violent acts that traditionally women would never do because they are the more compassionate sex might be suffice evidence to suggest that women are poor liars.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

i realize some of what i said was a poor analogy but so be it. Its late

I think back to Law School also. Men are more brash more in your face with truth even if it hurts your feelings women tell little white lies hear and there. But i do not recall females being better in the long run at lying i do not see this either in human history. While Law Schools are almost all 50% or more female now and while women are certainly out performing men in many area's. Fact still remains that for big top firms when dealing with litigations the people who exist at the top of these firms are men who (usually jerks, arrogant, and wonderful liars, cunning and deceptive) these men look and prefer to have another man come and be trained in their dark arts of lying. They view the female as more compassionate not as tempted by power lets say. 

ha that's an honest to god truth though. Find corruption at the highest level of any field in the world "e.g." government, corporations, etc, and you will find predominantly men. Women do not seem to have that in them the capacity to be so cold truly cold towards others and live with emotions turned off. 

Also inb4 "i take offense to that"


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> In the long run i do not feel women are better liars. They tell their secrets to everyone the way their brains function vs that of men suggest to me that they are more likely to spill the beans. Women are also more neurotic than men, precisely because men are less open with their feelings and less likely to go seek help.
> 
> Females are the more compassionate sex, more emotional and in ways stronger because they can deal with their emotions in ways so many men cannot. Women have a larger limbic system in their brain this makes them more emotional, also women have a befriend and tend strategy towards stress while men fight or flight. I also might like to say that women say far more words than men a day and love to talk. Women cannot seem to keep secrets
> 
> Men have secrets they never tell anyone. Just think of all the hidden things in history men in governments have hidden or how serious men take secret societies and fraternities so often. Men do not have the need or drive to want to socialize to the level that women do nor do men have the programming to be as emotional as women because of this men can easily TURN OFF. The fact that men can turn off and commit acts lets say violent acts that traditionally women would never do because they are the more compassionate sex might be suffice evidence to suggest that women are poor liars.


I think you might be surprised if you do some looking around on the subject that women are in fact very good at hiding their affairs and can be much more non emotional about the affair partner than men. A quick google will bring up dozens of articles.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

yes dozens of articles written on "love sites" blogs and gossip columns by college Journalist counts as suffice evidence?. The very statements in which these articles are promulgating as truth are questioned by me when i take note of what actual psychologist, and neurologist think about the human mind and condition. Its also seems a bit of a contradiction that women can be so emotional, so compassionate and honestly less destructive than men, while also being more neurotic yet at the same time be better liars?? That just does not seem to go hand in hand. Males are the ones who are notorious for selling their "souls" to the "devil" for power. Its males who are proven to be less emotional and can almost turn off emotions.

Id prefer to stick to periodicals and what is widely considered to be true among the minds who deal in this field that is psychology. Also my own observations off what i have learned can help. In addition i might like to add that i can also search google and find dozens of articles that tell me the earth is "6000 years old". It does not mean its true though. I can also search "women are horrible liars" and get more searches.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

msgarcia000 said:


> I don't know any of you personally but I want to know....and only the truth cuz no one is watching you...
> 
> Do all men cheat?
> 
> ...


Well, what is the definition of "cheat"?

At one end of the spectrum, cheating is having sexual activity with a person who is not your relationship partner. At the other end, the Bible says that any man who looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery in his heart. Somewhere in the middle, I'm sure some folks would argue that a man flirting with a woman while in a relationship is cheating.

If you are using the typical definition of physical affair, no way most men cheat. Even those of us with crappy wives tend to expect better out of ourselves. I certainly did - have multiple opportunities over the years but did not act on them.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Spice channel has a show called "all wives cheat." Should I believe that? Of course not!

Had many opportunities but have never even considered it as a possibility. No no cheating here. 37 years and counting!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Goldmember, on a daily basis, an oncologist is more likely to be consulted by people with cancer than, say, a rheumatologist. Perhaps this analogy won't work for you, but people consulting a divorce lawyer are people from marriages that are already badly damaged - male or female - and I don't believe your statistics are a true reflection of things.

Regarding men not being programmed for monogamy... Neither are women, and there is a reason why 'killer sperm' evolved. Men might historically have had more opportunities to cheat, but I don't believe that is still the case.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

msgarcia000 said:


> costa200 in case you didn't know, there are far way more women than men.


Actually as a biology teacher i know for a fact that in civilized countries the proportion of men and women is around 51% women and 49% men. So what you're saying is only true for countries were war is continual. 



> Refer to the birth statistics in your area and you will find out. Also, statistics show that men cheat wayyyy more than women do so regardless of the professor saying it or not, is a fact!...


Actually more men are born than women. Research it if you don't believe me. This fact is known since the 19th century. Difference is small but it is there. The reason why there are more women in the end, even in civilized countries is due to infant mortality being superior in men (X chromosome related health conditions being the major factor here).

And about statistics about cheating you can't trust them at all because people lie in them. Specially women will deny being cheaters to their graves and some men will actually brag about it. 

If you want some eye opener just cruise around infidelity related boards and check how many times the affair partner is married too. Men don't cheat alone, and most of the times not with each other. 




> Yes, you're right, a man would get so uptight if this conversation would be brought up, why? because in some way, they know it can be true...or why would you get mad about it?


So if a black guy gets offended if i call all blacks criminals it's because he knows it is true? Thinking like that, is there a place for righteous indignation over an unfair label? Or do all people who protest against a prejudice do it because they deep down know it is true?






> I came here looking for opinions....facts I already know about.


By the sample given there is a lot you think of as "fact" that isn't. 



> I just wanted to be reminded that there are good men out there regardless if they see a good looking ass or not...


Alright, be assured there are still some of us left. You may have to look for a while and not be swayed by the first rebellious biker that winks your way, but there are lots of good guys out there. 

Problem is that often women don't actually fall for those guys and sometimes "settle" for them and them make them miserable. 

If a guy is a "playa" when single you can expect the behavior not to magically stop. Don't think you can dramatically change such a guy and you won't be disappointed.


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## Oregondaddy (Feb 10, 2012)

you know, i think things like this can't be quantified. Simply put there are plenty of men who cheat for every reason under the sun. And there are plenty of women who cheat for every reason under the sun. I do think you see a lot more women cheating now percentage wise than in the past.


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## Relate2u (Oct 11, 2012)

OK there's a lot of simplified answers here that don't cut it, just like that other thread. There's a book called "when good people cheat" or something like that. I gave it a brief scan but haven't read it cover to cover. Good people DO have affairs. Sometimes it just happens. All it takes really is a "perfect storm" to brew: You and your W are having a brief rough spell, you're away from home at a location where it would be impossible to get caught, maybe had too much to drink, and some incredibly hot vixen is ALL over you.

You wake up the next morning, feel horrible and say "OMG what have I DONE!?!? 

No not _all_ mean cheat. But many more men will cheat, given a perfect opportunity to do so, than what their wives who post "my H will never" or men who post "Verily, I am too strong and noble to commit such a heinous deed!" say. 

NO marriage is 100% affair proof. You could be smoking hot, a sexual dynamo, witty, charming, and everything else and still get cheated on by a husband who apart from that mistake, is normally an extremely loving happy and decent man. It happens more than some of you would like to (or don't wish to) believe. 

The only way to affair proof your marriage is to be a good spouse but also a diligently observant one.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Never have cheated in 35 years.

Why would I?

She is beautiful, intelligent, loving and loyal.

I would have to be insane.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Posts like this seem like total trolling, as - no matter what someone posts, angry, jaded people aren't going to accept the answer, so why bother? 

What exactly are you hoping will happen here? Some embodiment of Christian Grey or Edward Cullen (yar har, they are the same), is going to post on here, that you could live together forever, he'd never cheat on you, and he's been spending his days just waiting for a cynical woman to come along so he could prove her wrong? 

Also, while I congratulate people for being able to bring up obscure vocabulary like, "promulgating" - using big works doesn't make a flimsy, unsupported argument work. It does, however, make it look like you are trying far too hard. 

Also, just to add to the male to female ratio conversation, let's not forget there are countries where they still routinely kill female infants, or selectively abort, and that throws off the ratio as well.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> No.. all men do not cheat.
> 
> My husband hasn't cheated in the past 23 years since I've known him.


Im sorry, but how do you truly know? do you follow him 24/7 to work, hang outs, etc?...are you with him 24 hours a day for 365 days a year? I dont know you nor your husband but one cannot KNOW a person has not cheated on them unless it is revealed in some way.



Dr. Rockstar said:


> With all this talk, I decided to do a little quick and dirty research. Here are three different websites that showed some signs of validity in their research but came up with dramatically different numbers. But these three sites also said that accurate numbers are difficult to come by because admitting infidelity is such a taboo subject.


Exactly. Not even with the tests being anonymous researchers can be certain because many people rather say no to feel better about themselves. 



Holland said:


> It is a sad indictment on ones own personality to think that ALL/MOST of either gender act in certain ways. Probably more a mirroring issue to do with the people that expouse these types of stereotypes.


Once again, I didnt say ALL, there are billions of people to assume all do. Unfortunately, this is why society is the way it is, because people would rather turn the eye than look at the reality of things...reality is, most men have cheated, will cheat or are contemplating on it one way or another. Cheating is not only physical and people have to remember that. People also have to remember that just because you never discovered an infidelity doesn't mean the other person hasn't even had it cross their mind. Reality.



WalterWhite said:


> Msgarcia, maybe portraying men as all cheaters is just your way of letting yourself off the hook and dodging blame for your inability to find a great man? It allows you to victimize yourself and removes any blame for one or more bad relationships. Werent you the one that kept taking back a cheating BF or husband?


Yes, I was. Before him I was in a long term relationship that didn't end because of cheating but for financial situations. He was a great man and I STILL thought the same way, so no, is not because of my current spouse. I asked for opinions because that's what I see around me, not in my life only, but everywhere...the men at my job that have wives, yet they throw themselves at women, the fathers of the children for the day care that I volunteer in, even though they have wives also, they still act the same, the clients that come to me on a daily basis....I can continue though Id rather not because you get the point.

I am not trying to victimize myself lol...I've had quite a few good relationships in my past that ended for reasons other than cheating.



Goldmember357 said:


> I think most people are not good this goes for men and women. I think with that said most men are almost like programmed to cheat and will cheat at some point in their lives. This is of course only because i do not view most people as good and because men lead civilizations and are the inventors most of the time they are also the ones to act on impulse more (violence) and go to war etc. I feel because of that among many other things in the male condition and the evolution of the male vs that of the female and the clear differences between the sexes (we are not equal despite what everyone wants to say) men are designed and programmed not necessarily to cheat but not for monogamy. Now before the feminist attack me saying "oooh but but but women can love sex too and don't need to be married"... Realize that the female has played a much different role in the evolution of man kind and her position throughout human history has been much different, heck her sexual organs being different means she cannot behave like a man can behave in certain instances.


Couldn't have said it better. Aside from all of this, I think many people live in an unreal world...same as when everyone thought that the world was flat, of course it was a belief and anyone that said that the world was round was called "crazy". Kind of sounds the same.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

I realized that instead of getting answers, I'm getting people angry. Not my intention. 

I also have to understand the analogy in which "many kids would rather believe in Santa Claus", meaning that instead of finding out facts, many people would rather live in an unreal way. 

Like I stated before and I'll say it again....NOT ALL MEN CHEAT! There are those men that know how to control their thoughts and actions. Yes! Maybe faithfulness existed more in the classic era but in this generation, is becoming harder with the way that technology is advancing.....


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

OK, so the men replying to you here are in denial and the women are like gullible children who still believe in Santa, and we all live in a world of unreality...

And how does that make you feel?


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> OK, so the men replying to you here are in denial and the women are like gullible children who still believe in Santa, and we all live in a world of unreality...
> 
> And how does that make you feel?


please read what I wrote. Where did I specify on gender in my last posts? I said "people".

It makes me feel like I posted in the wrong forum for opinions. Thats how it makes me feel.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You said you wanted to know if all men cheat. No, not all men do.

You seem to be dissatisfied with that answer? I am not sure what you're looking for.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

No, all men do not cheat. My ex did not - I did not have to follow him around.

You say if a woman did the housework, cooked, had amazing sex with the guy and a deep emotional connection and the guy would still cheat and this has been your experience? Then the relationship was NOT what you thought it was. Because when that exists, both parties are getting what they need from the relationship.

But keep being a jaded hater. See where that gets you.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> You said you wanted to know if all men cheat. No, not all men do.
> 
> You seem to be dissatisfied with that answer? I am not sure what you're looking for.


Not dissatisfied at all. I was fine until I was started to get attacked as if what I'm asking is an end of the world question.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> But keep being a jaded hater. See where that gets you.


It will get me to open my mind to more REALISTIC aspects of life so that if it ever happens, I don't die inside like most women do because they chose to believe otherwise.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

msgarcia000 said:


> please read what I wrote. Where did I specify on gender in my last posts? I said "people".
> 
> It makes me feel like I posted in the wrong forum for opinions. Thats how it makes me feel.


You didn't specify gender in your last posts. I was summarizing my perception of the thread as a whole.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

msgarcia000 said:


> Not dissatisfied at all. I was fine until I was started to get attacked as if what I'm asking is an end of the world question.


I don't believe you've been getting attacked, OP. It's just that your reality on this subject isn't the same as most of the people who have posted here, yet you appear to be implying that we're deluded because of our opinions.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband would not even have sex with a woman - without the "emotional" in his youth, he was never the type to "use" a woman......but I want to say something here.. he is a lower Testosterone male... he was also never the aggressive type, ... He has said to me a few times -when I was trying to get him more aggressive in bed .... "I am a lover, not a fighter" .... He is very romantic & sensual...... he believes in "one love" and faithfulness/loyalty till the end.... 

Even if I became a Paraplegic...or gained 100 lbs....& he lost attraction to me.... burning for sex, he's told me he would never take another woman, he couldn't do it.... but stick by my side.... using his hand ...all in the name of love........we've talked about these things....... I believe him -cause I've been with the man for 31 yrs of my life... I know him inside & out. He's never let me down, even when things were sexually dryer than they should have been in this department -yrs ago. 

Not all men cheat.... I see you are grilling some on how they know this... To believe that noone ever speaks the truth in this life is also a little crazy......though I would agree most do lie to save their own Azz sometimes, but really.. .there ARE good men to be had. 

In reality, some of this comes down to Hormones....*Testosterone* (the higher it is - the more likely hood of cheating, statistically this is proven....such men are more ANTSY, have an insatiable LUST for variety, novelty & conquering ...unless their self restraint & morals can counter this....... and something called *Vasopressin*... 

Interesting article on this subject....this covers a little about those 2 hormones... Genetics, Physiological Indicators & Environmental/Behavioral Factors.... Will Your Man Cheat?

The New View on Sex: Oxytocin, vasopressin and a tale of two voles

Monogamy gene found in people


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm in a sexless marriage and havent but I have teatered on the edge numerous times to be honest. 34 is too young to give up sex and I am never setting up a situation to see my darling babies partime.

So I suffer....


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

msgarcia000 said:


> Women are more sentimental. We mostly cheat based on emotions...men are just, well...to put it nicely, if a good looking woman came up to a guy and offered them sex, without the SO ever finding out, c'on, I believe a man that says they wouldn't take it is lying..


I would not have cheated in that situation. I'm not hoping for the "saint" award, it's just something that is not on my list of things to do. I think there are some things embedded in our minds, due to just being who we are, that we won't do without giving it thought. 

For example, if most people found themselves in need of $1000, robbing a store would not be an option in their mind; it's not something they would have to make a decision about, it's just something they automatically would not do. there are those that would, but not everyone. The same goes with cheating with me. It's just one of those things that wasn't on my list for consideration. So no, not "all" men cheat.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Cheating and Infidelity Statistics: Are men cheating more than women? Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship.

Here is the site Cheating and Infidelity Statistics: Are Men Cheating More Than Women (article) by Stephany Alexander on AuthorsDen


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> Goldmember, on a daily basis, an oncologist is more likely to be consulted by people with cancer than, say, a rheumatologist. Perhaps this analogy won't work for you, but people consulting a divorce lawyer are people from marriages that are already badly damaged - male or female - and I don't believe your statistics are a true reflection of things.
> 
> Regarding men not being programmed for monogamy... Neither are women, and there is a reason why 'killer sperm' evolved. Men might historically have had more opportunities to cheat, but I don't believe that is still the case.


killer sperm does not at all refute what i was saying or trying to say. I never stated that the female must remain monogamous rather it has historically been in her interests more so. In addition you cannot compare the progression of our minds to that of the progression of male sperm and humanoids having more killer sperm than other primates. Some say the existence of killer sperm debases the notion that "alpha male" always wins out and i would have to agree to an extent however because it does that it can also state that the females did not always mate with the alpha male and they were a little more choices. Furthermore because of that i think its safe to say that the female is more choice among humans and that combined with her differences in the progression of her brain as she ages vs that of the males can lead us to the belief and conclusion that perhaps monogamy along with fastidiousness choices works to a females advantage. In addition the exclusiveness of her choice in engaging in consensual sex and for reproduction is something to take note of. To assert that she is perhaps mating for its portentous reasons might be a little out of sync with what we can have observed from the past? Mind you i am speaking directly on development of differences not current human mind.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

ladybird said:


> Cheating and Infidelity Statistics: Are men cheating more than women? Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship.
> 
> Here is the site Cheating and Infidelity Statistics: Are Men Cheating More Than Women (article) by Stephany Alexander on AuthorsDen


Thanks - I knew 70% was rediculous - it sounds like the professor is a tad bitter and maybe had some experiences they are projecting onto the students.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

You said " Okay, instead of getting answers, I'm just getting people angry...".


THe problem is... You're just not getting the answers that YOU want to hear. 

That YOU for some reason WANT to believe that all men cheat. Just Because we are not giving you the one answer you want to hear, that means we're getting angry?? Sorry doesn't jive.

Okay, I get it , that maybe you are jaded against men because you have been cheated on. Fine. you are entitled to your thoughts, views, opinions.

But, please don't mistake my knowledge from deep in my heart that my husband has not cheated on me ... don't mistake that as being angry. I am not angry.

Even though you tried to stir up stuff saying "how do I KNOW?" "Do I follow him 24/7. ?" Well, I don't think you have been in a very long term relationship with a loving friend that you both are totally committed to each other. If you did feel like that & have the long term relationship like that .. then you just "know".

Just like some women get the intuition & just "know" when their man is cheating.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

For every man who cheats, there's a woman who's willing to sleep with a married man.

Men and women cheat in mostly equal numbers, otherwise the math doesn't add up. Who exactly are men cheating with? Women right? Often times married women.

It's our biology. Men and women have different mating strategies. Men are polygamous. Women are hypergamous. 

When it comes to the mating game, men are opportunistic and women are targeted, specifically towards dominant men with resources.

Do all men cheat? No, but men and women are equally pernicious with their infidelity.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Not to throw a wrench into the works, but - there are indeed, married men who are on the "down low" who cheat with other men. I'm quite sure the opposite is true as well - that some women cheat with other women.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Viseral said:


> For every man who cheats, there's a woman who's willing to sleep with a married man.
> 
> Men and women cheat in mostly equal numbers, otherwise the math doesn't add up. Who exactly are men cheating with? Women right? Often times married women.
> 
> ...


what do you mean the numbers do not add up?

is this a joke?

this is like when comparing number of sexual partners people have and stating that men cannot "possibly have higher sexual partners than women" LOL 

simple

X number of females who are promiscuous= large amount of satisfied males 

X number of females = sleep with X number of cheating males


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Per Wikipedia:

"More recent research, however, contradicts the assertion that heterosexual women are largely monogamous. A 2002 study estimated that 45% to 55% of married heterosexual women engage in sexual relationships outside of their marriage.[19] While the estimates for heterosexual males in the same study were greater (50%–60%), the data indicate that a significant portion of married heterosexual women have or have had sexual partners other than their spouse as well."


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Thank you Viseral.. You have made our point.

Not ALL men cheat. Only about 50-60%.


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