# Sex addiction or something worse?



## Nevergoodenough (Mar 17, 2014)

I'm worried my husband has an unnatural obsession with sex. My husband is always saying I'm "cold" towards him because we don't have sex everyday. I don't consider myself cold I am a very affectionate and loving person! I'm always kissing him hugging him snuggling with him while watching movies holding hands etc. and we have sex several times a week or we used to until he started obsessing over it non stop. he says he wants "romance because guys like romance too!" I leave him love notes in his car he tells me to stop it because that's stupid. I send him love note texts he says that's stupid.I planned a big surprise plus romantic gesture for him on our 24th anniversary. front row seats to see his favorite rock band a meet n greet afterwards plus a stay at a beautiful B and B with an entire cottage to ourselves wine tastings and tours and candlelight dinners. Guess what? He didn't appreciate one minute of it why? Because he was too busy obsessing non stop about the amount of sex he DIDN'T think he was going to have. He says none of those romantic gestures mean anything because the only thing that means anything is having sex everyday and because we don't do it every day I'm a cold fish and a ***** and BTW he calls me a ***** the way other husbands call their wives "hunny" He never shuts up about sex. almost every word that comes out of his mouth is about sex..when he sees a hot girl he makes rude sexual comments about her or me and her together. It doesn't stop there. It also trickles down to my girlfriends. He obsesses non stop over them. making sexual comments about them or me with them. I found on our computer sexual fiction that he had written about my girlfriends who by the way I dumped because of that. Now I'm alone with no friends for the past five years. His guy friends call him a " pig" . I was in the bathroom at his best friends wedding and I over heard the bride telling her friend" yep he's a pig all he talks about is sex. He's got a strange obsession with it and it's so creepy!" 
I was mortified. I told him about this convo I overheard and he was shocked and speechless. Did it have an impact on him? Yes..for a few days then it was back to non stop obsessing over sex. Every conversation makes it's way to be about sex. When I ask what would he like for dinner or where would you like to go for dinner..he replies every time with Something sexual in nature. We are painting the bathroom I'm in the store looking at paint samples he turns to me and says what color did you choose? Pu--- pink? He said it several times and loud enough so others could hear it! When I told him to stop he got very angry with me and said if I didn't shut up he would "make a scene".
This has been going on for 25 years in the past five years it's gotten really bad. He is always looking at porn on the internet and our computer is overloaded with pictures of women having sex with each other that he has downloaded from porn sites. He has hundreds of porn movies an entire chest of drawers and every drawer is filled with porn.plus plastic storage boxes filled with movies porn catalogs etc. I even found pictures he's taken of my collectible barbie dolls in sexual positions! When I confronted him about the dolls. He said "I'm just clowning around". The non stop obsessing over sex has driven me to the point where I don't have interest in it at all. I've told him this many times and he blames me for it. he says he obsesses over it because we don't do it every day but he " will try to change" He will stop obsessing for a week or two and things get much better then eventually it's right back to obsessing again. A few months ago we went on another trip to see his favorite band. I told hime before we left that if I hear one complaint about the amount of sex we did or didn't have. If you make one rude sexual comment about me or anyone or anything you WILL be served with divorce papers when we come home. It was the best vacation we had in 25 years. Any thoughts?


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

He clearly has a mental problem / sexual addiction. 

The real question is why you put up / allowed this behavior in your marriage for a quarter of a century ?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Well, my husband is a sex addict, and only a professional can make a diagnosis about sex addiction

Sex Addiction Therapist Directory, Find a Sex Addiction Therapist

He sounds like he thinks it's funny or something to act this way. I wouldn't put up with behaviour like that - how have you done so for 25 years??


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## Nevergoodenough (Mar 17, 2014)

I don't! we argue about it all the time. I don't put up with it. But he's short tempered and flies off the handle so easily. sometimes I'd prefer to just let him obsess over it non stop and keep all of his porn than to spend another night arguing about it. These arguments drag me down for two days or more sometimes. I used to be able to bounce back from them and shrug it off but not anymore. He has thrown away a lot of stuff but eventually more just works it's way in and pictures work their way onto the computer again. I'll tell him he's got to grow up and act like a 50 something man not a teenager. He stops for a while and eventually it's back to obsessing non stop again. 
I have nobody other than him and my two pets. I gave up my life and left my friends and family to move hundreds of miles to be with him. I have no job because we live in an economically depressed area where jobs other than working the drive thru at Mcdonalds are few. His family and friends never accepted me. My mother died. my dad hates me for moving away. he got remarried and his lady friend will not allow him to visit me. My sister is a horrible person who has spent the better part of the past 10 years in and out of jail and she has turned my nephews who live with their Dad against me. His parents never taught him how to be a responsible adult who is also respectful of others. He's not nearly as bad as his sister. He and his sister basically raised themselves. His Dad was either working or bar hopping and his Mom was indifferent to them. The "family trait" is to NEVER EVER accept blame or responsibility for anything. His parents were like that and they instilled those same traits on my husband and his sister. Yes he obsesses non stop over sex and has a short temper but you take that away and you are left with a kindhearted and compassionate person who would do anything for anyone. This is why I'm so upset. He is a good person with a good heart but I worry about his constant obsession over sex! I've suggested therapy but his insurance at work is weird over it. He'll say I'll look into it and he never does.


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## Nevergoodenough (Mar 17, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> Well, my husband is a sex addict, and only a professional can make a diagnosis about sex addiction
> 
> Sex Addiction Therapist Directory, Find a Sex Addiction Therapist
> 
> He sounds like he thinks it's funny or something to act this way. I wouldn't put up with behaviour like that - how have you done so for 25 years??


He does think it's funny. He does a lot of this to agitate me but I can't take it anymore. He says "I'm too sensitive" I need to lighten up. I can't even go to the Dr. Without him making his comments. I have a female Dr. And also had an appointment last week. My husband had the morning off and he agitated me non stop with sexual comments about her. My blood pressure was sky high when I got there. 
He never was like this until years ago before we were married he started hanging out with a guy from work who was just horrible and rude always making rude sexual comments. My husband and the other guys at work thought he was hilarious. The others got tired of him real quick. My husband kept hanging around him until we got married and the guy caused so much trouble at our wedding ultimately ruining our wedding video. After that I said you will never ever talk to him again. He didn't talk to him again. 
He says I'm just as bad as him because I have a crush on a famous actor. Well there is a big difference between what he does and following your celebrity crush on twitter and Facebook. And watching all of his movies. My Mother used to tel me to "don't tell him what to do or what to say that's being controlling" . I don't know what to do anymore I have nobody to talk to.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

You _do _put up with it. Evidenced by the fact that you're still there, after all these years, putting up with it. If you weren't willing to keep tolerating this, you would leave. Since you haven't, your husband doesn't think you're serious. He knows if he just behaves for a couple days until you simmer down, he can go right back to this behavior. Because, obviously, you're not going anywhere. 

Does he have other addictive behaviors? This sounds like it could be an impulse control issue. Or, maybe he just enjoys being an asshat.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Nevergoodenough said:


> I have nobody other than him and my two pets.


Good. That means no kids. Get Out Now.



> I gave up my life and left my friends and family to move hundreds of miles to be with him.


Move back. Find friends and family that will take you in until you are back on your feet. 

This guy is crazy.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Rowan said:


> You _do _put up with it. Evidenced by the fact that you're still there, after all these years, putting up with it. If you weren't willing to keep tolerating this, you would leave. Since you haven't, your husband doesn't think you're serious. He knows if he just behaves for a couple days until you simmer down, he can go right back to this behavior. Because, obviously, you're not going anywhere.


:iagree: :iagree:

Exactly. Your second post above is all full of BS excuses as to why you can't leave. Well, he knows you won't leave so why should he change his behaviour??? 

How can you say he is kind hearted and compassionate?? If he was he'd be willing to change this since he KNOWS how important it is to you. He isn't kind hearted and compassionate. He's obsessed and selfish and narcissistic.


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## a sweet guy 30 (Mar 22, 2014)

yeah this is sex addiction i fear i have it too but i think its my fear of dieing alone more so then sex anyway he is the 1 with the plomem u have to make a choice live with it or break free of it


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## NostalgicOne (Mar 24, 2014)

WOW- I thought 16 years of my ex being a S.A. and doing many things like yours was WAYYYYY too long! 25yrs is certainly WAY TOO long!
Are you afraid to leave? I do understand it's hard but in a marriage like this it's caustic and eroding everything,i.e. self esteem,health,relationships with family and friends, etc etc...
I got out after 16 yrs. It wasn't an easy ride but it is much better than being chained to this nonsense. 
I TRULY thought I wouldn't make it without him, he was part of my identity as I was so intertwined with him,especially backing him thru his career. 
Interestingly,I was the one with money in the beginning and when I built him in his career all these things surfaced(he didn't always act poorly)
I held on,like so many, to the person whom he used to be and so hoped would resurface in time once he sowed his oats.

Long suffering was just that...L-O-N-G S-U-F-F-E-R-I-N-G!!!
Find strength in any family or friends you do still have or go to a shelter even...living like this isn't living...it's a slow death.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Sex addiction?

Something worse?

None of the above, he is simply a man!!!

I think you should embrace it and be happy. Plenty of neglected women out there that would love to be in your shoes.

Give your man what he wants. Remember, to us the ULTIMATE way to express love is intimacy.

But of course also make sure that he does the same for you (in romantic ways).


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

He might have a high sex drive. I do too, and I find it hard to go on without sex at LEAST every other day. Twice daily woukd be perfect for me lol. Thankfully, these anti depressants have helped suppress my appetite a bit.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

I wish my husband wanted sex like your man does! Appreciate it lady , and go fulfill your wildest fantasies . 

To me, its about the connection, not just to 'get off'. Its possible this is what he is seeking. There is a spiritual/emotional fulfillment I get from intimacy with my hubby that I cannot satisfy otherwise.


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

How is it when you guys do make love? Is it Vanilla or is it like to young folks who stayed home on a rainy day? I ask because I had some issues with my W regarding frequency. I realized that if was that wow sex when we did it, the frequency thing "Kind" of faded.


LOL at your H wanting everyday. I used to get pissed if it wasn't multiple times a night.


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## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

> I have no job because we live in an economically depressed area where jobs other than working the drive thru at Mcdonalds are few.


Then why aren't you working at the McDonald drive-through?

Honestly, you've been dealing with this for 25 years and the last 5 he's got this unbearable and you haven't been trying to get independent so you can make a choice to get away from this colossal jagoff? In 5 years working at McDonald's you could have saved enough to move.

Why is he doing it? Because he's got a psychological issue and you keep staying around and putting up with it.

Time to put on your big girl panties, stop being a financial dependent to a butthole and move on with your life.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Nikita2270 said:


> stop being a financial dependent to a butthole and move on with your life.


:iagree:  This should be someones signature. EVERYones signature.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Nevergoodenough said:


> I'm worried my husband has an unnatural obsession with sex. My husband is always saying I'm "cold" towards him because we don't have sex everyday. I don't consider myself cold I am a very affectionate and loving person! I'm always kissing him hugging him snuggling with him while watching movies holding hands etc. and we have sex several times a week or we used to until he started obsessing over it non stop. he says he wants "romance because guys like romance too!" I leave him love notes in his car he tells me to stop it because that's stupid. I send him love note texts he says that's stupid.I planned a big surprise plus romantic gesture for him on our 24th anniversary. front row seats to see his favorite rock band a meet n greet afterwards plus a stay at a beautiful B and B with an entire cottage to ourselves wine tastings and tours and candlelight dinners. Guess what? He didn't appreciate one minute of it why? Because he was too busy obsessing non stop about the amount of sex he DIDN'T think he was going to have. He says none of those romantic gestures mean anything because the only thing that means anything is having sex everyday and because we don't do it every day I'm a cold fish and a ***** and BTW he calls me a ***** the way other husbands call their wives "hunny" He never shuts up about sex. almost every word that comes out of his mouth is about sex..when he sees a hot girl he makes rude sexual comments about her or me and her together. It doesn't stop there. It also trickles down to my girlfriends. He obsesses non stop over them. making sexual comments about them or me with them. I found on our computer sexual fiction that he had written about my girlfriends who by the way I dumped because of that. Now I'm alone with no friends for the past five years. His guy friends call him a " pig" . I was in the bathroom at his best friends wedding and I over heard the bride telling her friend" yep he's a pig all he talks about is sex. He's got a strange obsession with it and it's so creepy!"
> I was mortified. I told him about this convo I overheard and he was shocked and speechless. Did it have an impact on him? Yes..for a few days then it was back to non stop obsessing over sex. Every conversation makes it's way to be about sex. When I ask what would he like for dinner or where would you like to go for dinner..he replies every time with Something sexual in nature. We are painting the bathroom I'm in the store looking at paint samples he turns to me and says what color did you choose? Pu--- pink? He said it several times and loud enough so others could hear it! When I told him to stop he got very angry with me and said if I didn't shut up he would "make a scene".
> This has been going on for 25 years in the past five years it's gotten really bad. He is always looking at porn on the internet and our computer is overloaded with pictures of women having sex with each other that he has downloaded from porn sites. He has hundreds of porn movies an entire chest of drawers and every drawer is filled with porn.plus plastic storage boxes filled with movies porn catalogs etc. I even found pictures he's taken of my collectible barbie dolls in sexual positions! When I confronted him about the dolls. He said "I'm just clowning around". The non stop obsessing over sex has driven me to the point where I don't have interest in it at all. I've told him this many times and he blames me for it. he says he obsesses over it because we don't do it every day but he " will try to change" He will stop obsessing for a week or two and things get much better then eventually it's right back to obsessing again. A few months ago we went on another trip to see his favorite band. I told hime before we left that if I hear one complaint about the amount of sex we did or didn't have. If you make one rude sexual comment about me or anyone or anything you WILL be served with divorce papers when we come home. It was the best vacation we had in 25 years. Any thoughts?


It is really sad you have to say that for him to shut up.

If you tolerated it that long you may not need advice to get you through the next 25 years.


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