# Sex is different after marriage!



## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

Hubby and I (ages 55 and 53, respectively) had a very adventurous sex life before we got married. I won't get into details but we had some specific activities we engaged in and that I thought were all part-and-parcel of our relationship. Since we got married six months ago, we've engaged in our "special play" maybe twice. I'm disappointed and frustrated and he gets defensive if I bring it up. 

I understand that our "play" requires more energy and involvement than vanilla sex but heck. It's been MONTHS. I'm disappointed. I love the man like crazy but I feel a bit betrayed here. 

Not sure what I want from y'all. Just needed to vent a bit I guess.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

yeah mine got all vanilla once we got married too, like he didn't have to try any more!


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## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

Somehow I thought it would be different this time around. Maybe it IS me. Sigh.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Maybe your husband thinks wives don't do those things? Maybe he was doing them beause you like them and now he thinks he won't lose you?

Seems odd. nothing changed in our sex life. Thankfully.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

its called complacency. i have experienced it with my wife too, although she is the complacent one


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Maybe tell him you'd like to have a special "go all out" night... say on Sunday night maybe. That way he can rest up and be ready to have some fun with you.


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## Good Dog (Mar 28, 2012)

For us it stayed the same after marriage. If anything she's gotten more experimental as she's felt more secure. I think you can turn this around if you keep connecting in other ways too.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Depends on the type of play you are referring to. If its swinging maybe he's feeling a little more territorial now that you are married? What type of play are you talking about?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

If you want answers, you need to talk to him. Otherwise, you'll have to be more specific if any of the guys on this board can help.


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## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

Definitely not swinging!  We're light BDSM, nothing too harsh. But I think it takes a lot of effort on his part and now that we're all "said and done," it's just too much work. I have tried to talk to him about it but he gets defensive. Plus, from previous bad experience, I do NOT want to have to ASK for it. I don't want it if he doesn't want it....although I want it, lol. Make any sense?!


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## pjuk (Jan 5, 2012)

makes perfect sense.
what would happen if you didn't ask at all, but just initiated?


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## lovinmyhubby223 (Jan 31, 2012)

Has he given you any idea as to why he’s reluctant to “play” now that you’re married? 

I understand your plight. I read it here in posts all the time, the ol’ bait and switch. And no, it’s not fair for someone to do something before marriage but not after. It’s like false advertising.

Find a way to let him know that your “play” times are something you not only enjoy but really want to continue. If he has issues try to compromise and do whatever he needs to make this an activity that you can both enjoy again.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

i think it gets better maybe i have not been married long enough but i am far more experienced than ever before and more comfortable as is the lady.


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## DonnvWarner (Apr 9, 2012)

yeah mine got all vanilla once we got married too


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

If you want "special play" let him know, you want it. Do not keep it to yourself and hold inside to build resentment or doubt yourself. Communicate and make it clear what you need from him, otherwise you just absolutely will not be satisfied. If he still acts stubborn and ignores your needs, you know where he stands for the rest of your relationship. His needs, not yours.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi His_Pixie ~

I agree that the first step should be open communication with him. Tell him just what you have told us here.

Do you think it's possible that he did not really like the things you did prior to marriage and was doing them simply to humor you?

Do you think there could be anything going on with him physically that may make some of those things more difficult to do now and he may not want to tell you about it?

Best wishes.


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## wifewifewife (Apr 8, 2012)

His_Pixie said:


> Definitely not swinging!  We're light BDSM, nothing too harsh. But I think it takes a lot of effort on his part and now that we're all "said and done," it's just too much work. I have tried to talk to him about it but he gets defensive. Plus, from previous bad experience, I do NOT want to have to ASK for it. I don't want it if he doesn't want it....although I want it, lol. Make any sense?!


Boy, do I understand what you mean when you say "I don't want it if he doesn't want it." We don't want our men doing something for us because WE want it. We want them to want to do it. 

So - I think one real difference between men and women is that women are not as likely to enjoy a sexual activity that the man does but doesn't want to do, but men can really enjoy a sexual activity that he wants a woman to do even though she doesn't want to.

Example - oral sex. It would be hard for a woman to have an orgasm while the man is giving oral sex to her knowing he hates doing it. But the man would have no problem having an orgasm while the woman is giving him oral sex knowing she hates it.


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## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

We have talked about it and then he just feels terrible, no matter how gently I put it or assure him I love him. And no, he can't enlighten me as to why he's less interested. He says he's still interested but when it comes down to it....nothing. 

My husband is an awesome guy and we are so well suited to each other and he *cherishes* me which is something I didn't have in my previous 25-year marriage. So I feel bad even thinking of complaining of this but...at the same time, I'm disappointed that this area where I thought we were so good together has dwindled.


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## marriedinnh (Mar 25, 2012)

I could not disagree more.



wifewifewife said:


> Boy, do I understand what you mean when you say "I don't want it if he doesn't want it." We don't want our men doing something for us because WE want it. We want them to want to do it.
> 
> So - I think one real difference between men and women is that women are not as likely to enjoy a sexual activity that the man does but doesn't want to do, but men can really enjoy a sexual activity that he wants a woman to do even though she doesn't want to.
> 
> Example - oral sex. It would be hard for a woman to have an orgasm while the man is giving oral sex to her knowing he hates doing it. But the man would have no problem having an orgasm while the woman is giving him oral sex knowing she hates it.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

wifewifewife said:


> Boy, do I understand what you mean when you say "I don't want it if he doesn't want it." We don't want our men doing something for us because WE want it. We want them to want to do it.
> 
> So - I think one real difference between men and women is that women are not as likely to enjoy a sexual activity that the man does but doesn't want to do, but men can really enjoy a sexual activity that he wants a woman to do even though she doesn't want to.
> 
> Example - oral sex. It would be hard for a woman to have an orgasm while the man is giving oral sex to her knowing he hates doing it. But the man would have no problem having an orgasm while the woman is giving him oral sex knowing she hates it.



Correction some men would have a problem with it if she hates it. I would be sad that I wasn't going to get that kind of attention anymore as I would not allow her to do it to me if I knew she hated it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

wifewifewife said:


> Boy, do I understand what you mean when you say "I don't want it if he doesn't want it." We don't want our men doing something for us because WE want it. We want them to want to do it.
> 
> So - I think one real difference between men and women is that women are not as likely to enjoy a sexual activity that the man does but doesn't want to do, but men can really enjoy a sexual activity that he wants a woman to do even though she doesn't want to.
> 
> Example - oral sex. It would be hard for a woman to have an orgasm while the man is giving oral sex to her knowing he hates doing it. But the man would have no problem having an orgasm while the woman is giving him oral sex knowing she hates it.


Project much?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

wifewifewife said:


> Boy, do I understand what you mean when you say "I don't want it if he doesn't want it." We don't want our men doing something for us because WE want it. We want them to want to do it.
> 
> So - I think one real difference between men and women is that women are not as likely to enjoy a sexual activity that the man does but doesn't want to do, but men can really enjoy a sexual activity that he wants a woman to do even though she doesn't want to.
> 
> Example - oral sex. It would be hard for a woman to have an orgasm while the man is giving oral sex to her knowing he hates doing it. But the man would have no problem having an orgasm while the woman is giving him oral sex knowing she hates it.


yeah i love unethusiastic sex, drives me crazy


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

His_Pixie said:


> Hubby and I (ages 55 and 53, respectively) had a very adventurous sex life before we got married. I won't get into details but we had some specific activities we engaged in and that I thought were all part-and-parcel of our relationship. Since we got married six months ago, we've engaged in our "special play" maybe twice. I'm disappointed and frustrated and he gets defensive if I bring it up.
> 
> I understand that our "play" requires more energy and involvement than vanilla sex but heck. It's been MONTHS. I'm disappointed. I love the man like crazy but I feel a bit betrayed here.
> 
> Not sure what I want from y'all. Just needed to vent a bit I guess.


Hard to believe that you didn't know that marriage would kill your sex life. Like day follows night........


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