# wife left friday



## wantittoend (Jun 8, 2014)

im not sure where to start so here goes. i have been married for twenty years last month. im 54 and my wife is 49. we have a 20 yo daughter in med school.
i thought we were happy, but i guess not.
I came home from work friday and all her stuff, and alot of mine was gone. her phone was turned off.
i was completely blindsided... i spent hours calling her and texting her with no reply. when i finally got thru to my daughter, she said mom had called her. she said dad, mom says shes afraid of you. I was stunned. we almost never fight. She said when we do i get really loud, slam things and get up in her face. i am ashamed and lost. i dont know what to do from here


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear this. Do you throw things and yell when you fight? Did you get in her face?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Did you maybe not pick up on her detaching or didn't give her words much meaning? Or is it possible she left you for someone else and is not being truthful in her reason to leave you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

We all make mistakes and do inappropriate things. You can't undo the past, and there really isn't much you can do other than let your wife know that you're sorry if you've hurt her and that you would like to try to resolve the issues she has. 

There's the possibility of an affair too. If I were you, I would do the above and don't pressure her. Give her space. Sometimes we think we have control over the person we marry. That's an illusion. They can do whatever they want at any time. Just work on yourself, stay active and try not to obsess, as hard as that is. I hope things turn out well for you.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

There's gotta be another guy involved with your wife. Before beating yourself up over what YOU did wrong, find out if she has a boyfriend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

Sounds like another man (probably just an EA right now). Thats a classic pattern, projecting their guilt onto you. Don't grovel, plead for forgiveness like i did, it never works. Find out who the OM is and expose it, if you find out it is an EA/PA you can have closure that your wife stepped out on the marriage. File for divorce, save your time. Long tough road ahead for you regardless.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

She is not scared of you, that is guilt projection.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Sounds like cop out to me. Just to pick up and walk away after 20 years with no explanation tells me there is more and then to tell your daughter rather than you, she's bucking for support form your daughter to justify her actions. 

Have you ever hit her? If that's the case then she would have reason.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

First I would want to ask if it is true? Even if it was not intended to be intimidating, I think men can be more intimidating than we think. Want your take first though.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

hesitationmarks said:


> She is not scared of you, that is guilt projection.


How do you know, were you there? Do you know them personally?

Maybe the relationship was working for him but not her, that's why he thought they were happy. My ex was quite content with our marriage and was blindsided when I left him, despite my repeated attempts to tell him I was miserable. That's because the marriage worked for him; it didn't work for me though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cubby said:


> There's gotta be another guy involved with your wife. Before beating yourself up over what YOU did wrong, find out if she has a boyfriend.


No there does not have to be another guy involved. 

Women leave men who behave in a threatening manner. At least the smart ones do. 

And when this goes on, a woman is often advised to leave without warning her husband because he could get violent when she tells him.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> No there does not have to be another guy involved.
> 
> Women leave men who behave in a threatening manner. At least the smart ones do.
> 
> And when this goes on, a woman is often advised to leave without warning her husband because he could get violent when she tells him.


Let's also add that OP says they rarely fight, but maybe that's because when they do fight he throws things and gets in her face so she avoids fighting with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> Let's also add that OP says they rarely fight, but maybe that's because when they do fight he throws things and gets in her face so she avoids fighting with him.


The purpose of "really loud, slam things and get up in her face" is to intimidate and to let her know that she had better not do anything to get him upset. 

Typically between episodes, the intimidated person walks on eggshells in fear of letting things get to the point of another explosion.

As time goes on the intimidated person starts to feel safe, the intimidator senses it and will cause another "really loud, slam things and get up in her face" incident to occur to put her in her place.

It's called the cycle of abuse.

It's very likely that the OP's wife stayed until the her daughter was out of the house. Now that the daughter is gone and well on her way to her own life his wife felt that she could finally get away.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wantittoend said:


> im not sure where to start so here goes. i have been married for twenty years last month. im 54 and my wife is 49. we have a 20 yo daughter in med school.
> i thought we were happy, but i guess not.
> I came home from work friday and all her stuff, and alot of mine was gone. her phone was turned off.
> i was completely blindsided... i spent hours calling her and texting her with no reply. when i finally got thru to my daughter, she said mom had called her. she said dad, mom says shes afraid of you. I was stunned. we almost never fight. She said when we do i get really loud, slam things and get up in her face. i am ashamed and lost. i dont know what to do from here


Since your daughter also thinks that her mother has good reason to be afraid of you, you need to take this seriously.

If there is any chance of you wife ever coming back to you, you will need to work on your own issues. I know it's only a few days since she left so you probably have not had time to think this through.

What are you willing to do to change? Anger management counseling and classes might be a good start.


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## wantittoend (Jun 8, 2014)

I have read everyones post and I appreciate it.
I have had alot of time the past three days to reflect on things.
I could have been scaring her when we argued. I don't think I missed any signs of her trying to tell me though. We told each other EVERYTHING. I know, everyone thinks that, but its true.
She was my best and only friend. We shared the same dreams and wants. We made love the night before she left, and the next morning in the hot tub discussed dinner plans and vacation plans for next weekend. I have since discovered about $90,000 dollars removed from our savings account and almost $9000 from checking done two days earlier.
I stopped trying to call/text after the first day, because it felt pathetic... When I realized that maybe I was scaring her, trying to be loud to get my way, I sent her a text, telling her I had no idea, was extremely sorry and ashamed. I asked her if she would be willing to let me try and fix this, maybe her moving back in and I'd find an apartment for as long as I needed and I would go to counseling, anything she felt should happen so she would never feel afraid again.
I called and told my daughter about the text(btw, she told me she had no idea her mom was afraid of me until the day she left) and if she spoke to her to convey these feelings again for me. She did, but I have had no response.
I asked my daughter if she thought mom could have been that scared, and she said she never saw anything to indicate that. She did add that she hadnt lived there for two years but she still comes home almost every weekend.
I decided to just wait and give her time like some suggested....
Well about an hour ago I was served with divorce papers, and she wants everything....
I so confused,my heart aches,I feel so alone.
I cant wrap my head around walking away from 20 years without a word. Not a note, nothing......
I AM NOT that guy! I never threw things or threatened or belittled... I WAS loud.
It could be another man I guess, and I could even wrap my head around that. I would be hurt and probably angry, but I would get it.... this I just don't understand...


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Wow. There is no excuse for what she has done. She just took you for a hundred grand. Get an attorney ASAP.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

wantittoend said:


> I have read everyones post and I appreciate it.
> I have had alot of time the past three days to reflect on things.
> I could have been scaring her when we argued. I don't think I missed any signs of her trying to tell me though. We told each other EVERYTHING. I know, everyone thinks that, but its true.
> She was my best and only friend. We shared the same dreams and wants. We made love the night before she left, and the next morning in the hot tub discussed dinner plans and vacation plans for next weekend. I have since discovered about $90,000 dollars removed from our savings account and almost $9000 from checking done two days earlier.
> ...


I feel like the same thing that has happened to you could just as easily happen to me. As I have indicated, my marriage is at a very poor state and has been like that for years. I don't know if that's you or not but I have been just buying time until the kids are out of school and are on their own. All of them have said they hate her and don't want to be another her anymore. Maybe she figures the same thing and she might as well get out now. Anyway, I never thought this life would be mine either, and it's tragic that I don't know what I could have none to change it to make it work. I'm not sure being loud was the problem, maybe just a cop out to a bigger issue. Anyway it too bad it's always got to be something the husband did and he's always the bad guy. Makes me regret that I didn't do the crime that caused all this. I wasn't loud either, never threathened or belittled, always was the one the kids came to, never her. That's all I get to look back on now. I feel your pain my friend...and from what I understand there's hundreds if not thousands just like us. We played the game the right way, only to get f'ed in the end.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> No there does not have to be another guy involved.
> 
> Women leave men who behave in a threatening manner. At least the smart ones do.
> 
> And when this goes on, a woman is often advised to leave without warning her husband because he could get violent when she tells him.


It's unclear just to what extent the OP's manner is "threatening." Especially in light of the fact that I wrote this after his first of two posts. 

The second post he's more specific, but it's still unknown just how bad his behavior was. Maybe it was really bad, I don't know. It sounds like he was just loud and angry at times. So it's not clear if it's the kind of behavior where a wife might leave.

My point is when a wife leaves a husband, seemingly out of the blue, he's typically devastated and searches for reasons where HE was at fault. He often beats himself up analyzing every little thing he's done wrong and often magnifying those things because it's easier to justify in his mind why she left.

From what I've seen on this forum, almost every time a wife leaves, there's a boyfriend on the side. My advice to the OP is to investigate. It's easy to do, and whatever he finds, he can then start crossing off things on his "why she left" list.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

No one picks up and leaves just like that. You have to have a strong reason, if the OP is not 100% sure why he left, it's because he didn't do anything that merits divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

mablenc said:


> No one picks up and leaves just like that. You have to have a strong reason, if the OP is not 100% sure why he left, it's because he didn't do anything that merits divorce.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'd disagree with this. There's TONS of walk away spouses who, according to the spouses left behind, gave no warning of how unhappy they were. Sometimes there's another person involved, but sometimes the WAS just had enough of trying to effect change in the relationship. And sometimes, this attitude is deserved (leave, because the situation isn't going to change). 

In this case though, given the speed of papers and the amount of cash disappearing, I'd lean to less savory reasons for her leaving. To the OP, I'd be talking to a lawyer ASAP, and locking down everything in reach. Sorry you're here! :-(

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Who doesn't get loud when arguing? People have fights, people yell.
If you put your hands on her or threw things around, that would be a different story.

If you haven't done the latter, then here is what bugs me. She leaves, takes all of her stuff, some of yours, takes almost $100K out of your savings, and 9 grand from checking.
And to top that off, she gets to your daughter before you even know whats going on, and feeding her all of this to get a leg up on the "who is in the right" game.

Document how much was taken out of the accounts and when, and what of yours she took, then get an attorney. Because if it comes down to a divorce, then she doesn't get to take most of the money, then demand half of what is left on top of that.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

vellocet said:


> Who doesn't get loud when arguing? People have fights, people yell.
> If you put your hands on her or threw things around, that would be a different story.
> 
> If you haven't done the latter, then here is what bugs me. She leaves, takes all of her stuff, some of yours, takes almost $100K out of your savings, and 9 grand from checking.
> ...


:iagree::iagree:
Lawyer asap.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

exwife-to-be has declared war. She will probably become your worst adversary.

See an attorney ASAP. Better yet, get a few consults, and go with the one that you feel most comfortable with. 

If you've got any other shared accounts or credit cards you better close them all down before you're in an even bigger hole.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

That money isn't hers free and clear. Get a very good attorney - don't go for the "bulldog" always. They tend to create drama and the billing to go with it. Your wife has already tried to get your daughter on her side. Keep a good relationship with your daughter. She has her own life and needs your support. Don't put her in the middle. She is going to believe what she wants too. 

I'm not sure why your wife did this, but she did. My guess is she has been planning this for a long time. 

Keep your head about you. Don't flip out. If you feel angry, I understand this. Do NOT direct it at anyone in your family. In addition to getting an attorney, get a counselor now. No stigma, no shame. You need someone to talk to besides TAM.

HL


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

Yes...get into counseling. It will help you tremendously.


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## wantittoend (Jun 8, 2014)

I went to counseling today, originally planned to show her that I was willing to do whatever she wanted to make this right and for her to never feel frightened again. I also went because I wanted to understand if maybe I was missing something, that there were signs and I was oblivious to all. And if my actions were abusive. I say actions meaning getting loud and slamming doors. I'm being totally honest. Never threatening, or demeaning,or agressive. The counselor did say to me, after I had told her that we were best friends, did everything together,travel,sports,arts,blah,blah,blah...that maybe my wife viewed this as controlling or smothering... I am willing to accept that, but she never said a word, we talked about everything....I just dont get it....
Im going lawyer shopping in the morning...with much regret...
I cant stop beating myself over this.....
Thanks all for the thoughts and advice.....
And I agree with the advice about my daughter. At first I was desperate for any kind of information, but after the first day, I knew by what her mom was telling her that I wasn't going to play that game and put her in the middle. I told my daughter on the phone that I was sorry to involve her and now we talk about school and stuff! Were very close and that will never change. We talk 3-4 times a day...Bless all of you...I needed to hear what you had to say!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You are the victim of a very typical, by the book Walkaway Wife (WAW). She has been planning this for months if not years, and lying to you the whole time. 

There may be another man, there may not... Either way she most likely checked out on you long long ago and kept you oblivious. This happens way more than you realize.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

I agree with bandit, you are not the bad guy here, don't fall for that crap and self-loath. Go on the offensive, I wasted 6 months of my life doing that garbage. You'll lose 25 lbs and half your hair for nothing. Get over it fast and view her as your adversary. Be nice face to face, in case she has a VAR, but now she is indeed your enemy. I know it's tough and you can't believe but I'm telling you get your mind healthy ASAP and don't obsess, she put you in this weak position, you have to rise above gain strength, don't waste time in "what could of been". Do whatever it takes to get out of your funk, hookers anything and plot your offensive. Do it now, time is ticking. She is not the woman you married and never will be again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

Counseling will not help you get your wife back, I did it it's total bull****, use counseling to get yourself in a mental state where you don't need her anymore and can thrive without her. I know you can do it, we all know you can. I wish you well, but don't waste time on her, use the time on yourself. Even if she came back do you think the relationship would be healthy again, hell no, you would be going crazy believing she would do it again or obsess she is having an affair. Trust me. Move along.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Wallkaways rarely ever come back.


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

My WAS came back home for two months and it was the worst two months of my life. Doing everything i could to demonstrate to her I can indeed change and could care more and all she did was distance herself more and not do a damn thing to work on things? It was a fake R, a facade, it was murder on me, and she just took it in stride and then said its over. There is a reason they don't want to work on things or go see a counselor, its called guilt, they are guilty about their transgressions, hmmmmm. These cases are all the same. Once the D is final the truth will be told. Sorry brother.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Wallkaways rarely ever come back.




wantittoend,

SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE!

SHE IS ATTEMPTING TO HARM YOU!

SHE FEELS ENTITLED TO EVERYTHING!

RESPOND IN KIND!

Oh and change the beneficiary on the life insurance policy.
Be sure to let her know.

Your new life begins today, I relly wish you well.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Arendt said:


> Wow. There is no excuse for what she has done. She just took you for a hundred grand. Get an attorney ASAP.


 It is their money, not his money.



lenzi said:


> exwife-to-be has declared war. She will probably become your worst adversary.
> 
> See an attorney ASAP. Better yet, get a few consults, and go with the one that you feel most comfortable with.
> 
> If you've got any other shared accounts or credit cards you better close them all down before you're in an even bigger hole.


Agreed. She has declared war, by taking a portion of money without discussing *and *by involving the daughter.



hesitationmarks said:


> Counseling will not help you get your wife back, I did it it's total bull****, use counseling to get yourself in a mental state where you don't need her anymore and can thrive without her. I know you can do it, we all know you can. I wish you well, but don't waste time on her, use the time on yourself. Even if she came back do you think the relationship would be healthy again, hell no, you would be going crazy believing she would do it again or obsess she is having an affair. Trust me. Move along.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes. Personally, I am leaning toward the OM theory. The fear may be there but I would guess that your daughter would have known about it if there was really anything to it. Some of us are loud and slam doors, but aren't abusive. If that is the case in your house, then she had a responsibility to address it. If there had been anything thrown at her or physical abuse, I wouldn't put that responsibility on her though.

Regardless, she is not someone to be trusted. I am sorry that after 20 years, you have to deal with this.  It is incredibly hard.


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## wantittoend (Jun 8, 2014)

Well, I took some of your advice, and I now have the best PIT BULL lawyer in Palm Beach. He was highly recommended by some associates of mine. He's extremely aggressive, and just brutal,and after she tried to pollute my daughter with B.S.(btw,the attorney asked me if she was so afraid of me was a restraining order served with the divorce papers,I said no,of course not, and he said,if she told her lawyer of this "fear" he would have demanded one, so thats a load of CRAP!)So I'm DONE feeling like I did so much wrong. I want her living under a bridge in a USED cardboard box!
I'm done whining and crying....the gloves are off, so LETS DANCE BIT_H!
Stay tuned...its gonna get ugly and I'm READY for a fight!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

See if your lawyer has a private eye on call. It would be good to have her followed to see if she is indeed cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wantittoend (Jun 8, 2014)

He does have investigators and he's already on it!
I LOVE this guy!
Maybe I can pick out the box...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

wantittoend said:


> He does have investigators and he's already on it!
> I LOVE this guy!
> Maybe I can pick out the box...


If I were a betting man I'd lay money that she has moved in with another man. Hence her secrecy around your daughter. She doesn't want her daughter knowing momma is an adulteress. Let's see what the PI finds out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Subscribed.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

The only thing that would make sense here is there is another man. 

Either you are delusional and scared the crap out of her, or she is pretty wicked and manipulative and hit you with both barrels and the accusation of abuse to get the upper hand in all this.

Either way its over. Get counseling for the esteem issues and explore the whole anger thing. I am sorry you are going through this. Very bizarre story in your telling of it...


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

It's always another man, read the posts, may be a simple attraction, butterflies whatever, it's all bull**** and not your fault, maybe partially your fault, but she took the bait. GTFO of your self pitty demise, it's a complete waste of time now, no counseling to save the marriage it's a hoax, read the posts of other fathers they can indeed provide a cure to you and knock you back into your senses. It's a damn epidemic with all the same clues, outliers, history. You neglected her emotionally, but couldn't identify it timely, sure she have hints but there was very little communication and men think logically and think all is well. The fact is she took the step, to step out on the marriage, with no consideration of what it would do to you, know your enemy. No groveling will entice her back, play hard ball now, get your balls back. The marriage meant so little to her she did this to you without sitting down and saying you son of a *****, this is where we went wrong, she let it fester and went wayward, welcome to the club, which is in expansion mode at the moment. Read the post, listen to Conrad, and learn a lot it will help you cope and let go faster and get in a strong position. Snap out of the WAS lull ASAP, it's counterproductive and makes you look weak. And. 99/100 it fails at re-attracting your spouse. But ask yourself this honest question, as I have many times to myself, if she came back, what in the hell would that look like, it would indeed be the seventh level of hell, I can attest. I was there and so damn glad she is gone now. I can live again. Be myself, sorry this happened to you, but it is the norm around here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

WITE - Save your money. Its another man, let it go, getting a PI and obtaining proof is only obsessing and wont likely help any court case. She will say you drove her to another man or some BS with emotional neglect, save your money and file man. Don't go down the obsessive path it will only set you back a few months emotionally from acceptance that your wife is who she is, a wolf in sheeps clothing. Knowing she is banging some other dude will only hurt you more and hinder your recovery. Place her out of your mind, no texts no calls, its liberating. I live it. Read the posts and learn the truth, the truth will set you free.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

wantittoend said:


> Well, I took some of your advice, and I now have the best PIT BULL lawyer in Palm Beach. He was highly recommended by some associates of mine. He's extremely aggressive, and just brutal,and after she tried to pollute my daughter with B.S.(btw,the attorney asked me if she was so afraid of me was a restraining order served with the divorce papers,I said no,of course not, and he said,if she told her lawyer of this "fear" he would have demanded one, so thats a load of CRAP!)So I'm DONE feeling like I did so much wrong. *I want her living under a bridge in a USED cardboard box!*
> I'm done whining and crying....the gloves are off, so LETS DANCE BIT_H!
> Stay tuned...its gonna get ugly and I'm READY for a fight!


Why do you want your wife to end up homeless and impoverished? 

Why not seek mediation to save money?

You mentioned that you are close to your daughter and speak with her on the telephone 3 or 4 times per day. She is in medical school and has the time to speak with you so often. That sounds unusual to me. Is she married or have a boyfriend?
How do you feel about the men she dates?

I do not want to suggest that your wife's behavior is good. But I wonder if you are a very combatant, co-dependent person.

Your wife's behavior suggests she will never return to you.

Did she like your home?

What did or does she do for a living?

Do you share many friends with your wife?

What contacts do you have with relatives?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

LongWalk said:


> Why do you want your wife to end up homeless and impoverished?
> 
> Why not seek mediation to save money?
> 
> ...


Remember was it last year?
The governor of Fla. vetoed a bill that would have ended lifetime alimony.
Be firm and all business but be smart.
You were handed a sh!t sandwich and you are in the anger phase it's understandable.


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## wantittoend (Jun 8, 2014)

Look, you all can believe whatever you want.I KNOW I NEVER was over the top with arguing or yelling and I am done beating myself up. No, I dont even care about another guy,or using a PI. I just want to move on.
My daughter and I are close and always have been. You can make whatever you want out of that. She calls me on the way to class in the a.m. and then 1-2 during the day/night. Not that its any of your BUSINESS, but she's gay,so I dont think anything about the "guys" she dates. I DO like her girlfriend though.
I am not combatant, I DONT want her to return, she LOVED our home,shes a highschool english teacher, dont have alot of friends,and our relatives are dead.
I appreciate the words, but YOU dont know what you speak of.
What i was GUILTY of was spending 20+ years spoiling and doting on my partner and daughter and loving them with all my heart. I WAS just rambling last night. NO, I dont want her living in a box, I want her to be happy, shes my daughters mom............


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

wantittoend said:


> He does have investigators and he's already on it!
> I LOVE this guy!
> Maybe I can pick out the box...


While I applaud you using your anger to take control, I do want to caution you on 1) letting the anger impact your relationship with your daughter 2)Spending out of control thanks to the aggressive lawyer and 3)not taking the high road.

OK, now, taking the high road does not mean being a doormat. What it means is acting in a way in which your integrity is intact. Be fair, be firm and protect yourself and your daughter. I know she is an adult but this is affecting her in incredible ways. Be sensitive to that. Act in a way in which you can sleep well at night and that you will not regret. Be cognizant of the future, and don't let your current actions negatively impact it.

Congratulations, though, on finding your inner warrior. You will need him. Just keep him in check. 




eta: Welp, I just saw your last post.  It's ok to go on a verbal roll here...that is what this place if for!


Don't forget the self care aspect of this. You need to take care of yourself. Eat well, don't drink too much, exercise and stay outwardly engaged. It really helps battle the demons. Good luck!!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Of course we do not know you. We are only asking questions to help you figure out what is going on.

Is your daughter as close to your WAW as she is to you?

Your daughter, whether she wants to or not, has become a channel of information between you and your WAW. Sparing her this role as much as possible will make her life easier. Perhaps you can find some person other than a lawyer to help you and your WAW communicate. 

Is there divorce counseling that you could employ? You are seeking answers to many questions. Now is the time to listen carefully.

Do not beat yourself up, but at the same time you need to go to 50,000ft to make sense of what is going on.

To discover the OM, if there is one, check the phone records. If she messages and calls some number a lot, could be that your wife is cheating.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *
> Quotes of OP*
> We made love the night before she left, and the next morning in the hot tub discussed dinner plans and vacation plans for next weekend. I have since discovered about $90,000 dollars removed from our savings account and almost $9000 from checking done two days earlier.
> 
> ...












*If she did all of that to you because you got loud and slammed doors during an argument then there is a hell of a lot more to this story. * The “Loud” excuse is a huge cop-out on her part.



You have been stabbed in the back and she has started a war. *Get all the help you can with your emotions and get into combat mode; only the strong survive.*


According to your posts you were a decent husband that has a lot more good than bad. *Make sure that you do not get down on yourself, which is detrimental to your survival*. What I see so far is your wife is extremely selfish and is making you pay the price.


Unfortunately you may revert back to blaming your self or getting sentimental about your wife. *At this time you have to fight that and only think about your survival.*

You do not have to but if you want to you can keep us informed about this situation. I am willing to bet that there is a lot more to this story and a lot of selfishness on the part of your wife.


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## TheBaxter (May 19, 2014)

It's okay to be angry and use that anger in a good cause. Your wife is just like my ex wife was. My ex wife told everyone I abused her physically and mentally, that I cheated on her, and that I even stole money from our church when I served as a trustee. She told all those lies to take the focus off the fact she was having an affair with another man. 

Anger is okay as long as you channel it in the correct and legal fashion. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

wantittoend said:


> Well, I took some of your advice, and I now have the best PIT BULL lawyer in Palm Beach. He was highly recommended by some associates of mine. He's extremely aggressive, and just brutal,and after she tried to pollute my daughter with B.S.(btw,the attorney asked me if she was so afraid of me was a restraining order served with the divorce papers,I said no,of course not, and he said,if she told her lawyer of this "fear" he would have demanded one, so thats a load of CRAP!)So I'm DONE feeling like I did so much wrong. I want her living under a bridge in a USED cardboard box!
> I'm done whining and crying....the gloves are off, so LETS DANCE BIT_H!
> Stay tuned...its gonna get ugly and I'm READY for a fight!


This is what I orginially thought was going to happen when I first when to go see a divorce lawyer. I wanted the biggest, meanest, bastard lawyer I could to go to battle with. I wish you all the best and that you get through all the layers of bull**** that she will try to hit you with. Please keep us updated. I figure this will be what I could go through soon.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

OP, I get what you are saying and I did see your post about her living in a box as a man who just got abandoned by his wife. You have every right to be angry. 

I'm glad you got a lawyer. I would recommend you brace yourself as may uncover the truth about why she left. Make sure you are eating and sleeping well. See a doctor if you are not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

wantittoend said:


> We made love the night before she left, and the next morning in the hot tub discussed dinner plans and vacation plans for next weekend.


All the signs point to there being an OM, but the above is then strange behavior.


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## botti (May 28, 2014)

barbados said:


> All the signs point to there being an OM, but the above is then strange behavior.



Not really. She'd checked out long ago - goodbye sex was her check-the-box exercise to be certain this is what she wanted to do. 

How on earth did she move $90,000 and that didn't send a flag up somewhere?!


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

botti said:


> Not really. She'd checked out long ago - goodbye sex was her check-the-box exercise to be certain this is what she wanted to do.
> 
> How on earth did she move $90,000 and that didn't send a flag up somewhere?!


 I agree. That's a lot of money and if she took it then she should know that like in most states, everything is divided 50/50, so she might be paying some back unless you come up with a agreement where you re claim it.


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