# Don't know what to do.



## monson (Jul 25, 2012)

Ok where to start? I dont know! 
I do suffer from anxiety, depression and anger. i do have a counsler i go see at a mental health team but everything we talk about and about trying my wife shoots down and wont even talk to me about, like she is mad i dont talk to her about instead but when i do try to talk to her she accuses me for starting crap.

I just dont know what to do.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Explain this to your wife. Tell her that when you try to open up to her, she gets defensive and mean....and now you feel like you can't talk to her. Tell her that you avoid opening up to her because you know it will just lead to a fight. Tell her that when you open up about your feelings to her, you are not looking for answers or solutions, you just need someone to vent to. You just need someone to listen.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I agree with Ano. Tell her it's really important for you that she hear you out and as your partner/wife and spouse, she should support you as you would her in the same situation. Let her know it hurts your feelings when she doesn't.


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## monson (Jul 25, 2012)

Ano said:


> Explain this to your wife. Tell her that when you try to open up to her, she gets defensive and mean....and now you feel like you can't talk to her. Tell her that you avoid opening up to her because you know it will just lead to a fight. Tell her that when you open up about your feelings to her, you are not looking for answers or solutions, you just need someone to vent to. You just need someone to listen.


I have done that in the past, she'll ask me if my meds are helping or not, she in a way blames it on "my problems" and well im just so frustated.....


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## HowToMoveOn? (Apr 25, 2010)

monson said:


> I have done that in the past, she'll ask me if my meds are helping or not, she in a way blames it on "my problems" and well im just so frustated.....


This is exactly what I have been going through with my husband. I guess it's not just me, my husband thinks that my anxiety is my problem and only I have to work on it to fix it. If I bring up any form of conversation he thinks I'm attacking him or causing arguments for no reason. I actually just posted asking for help on how to bring up the subject because i now know where the problem is, i just need us both to realize it and work on it from there, and my fear is that he'll go back to thinking this is my problem, because I'm the one with the anxiety not him, and maybe i'm better off going back on my meds.

Going to therapy is the only way i have found that helps me understand that in a marriage if one of us has a problem, we BOTH have a problem. ask your wife this....if instead of anxiety you had cancer, would she leave it for you to fix and get well on your own?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Having lived with a man who suffered from anxiety/depression/anger I can tell you that how you speak, or the delivery, it almost as important as what you say. My STBX spoke to me in an accusatory, angry manner, which as you can guess, made me defensive and fearful. Then if he saw I was fearful, he'd get mad at me for being afraid! We had a MC who suggested he record our conversation so that H could listen to the way he spoke to me, but at that point in MC he refused to return. He still denies any problems with his delivery. I'm not saying this is an issue with you, I'm just sharing what was a big issue with us.


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