# He's Never Wrong



## Jemm (Sep 18, 2012)

Hoping for some good advice. I'm considering leaving my H, don't want to but see no alternatives. Our entire marriage is a set of double standards that benefit him and his daughter. Whenever I bring them up its instant deflection of the subject on his part that turns into an argument about the things I've done wrong in the past. I don't know how to achieve resolution to this and its making me resentful towards them both. He lectures, nags and gives speeches endlessly about my son not doing his chores, and what my role and responsibilities are as a mom, literally while he's preaching I point out his daughter did none of her chores and he just starts yelling that I don't like her. It has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the pot calling the kettle black. Most recently he told me he is going to pay her car insurance till she's 18, he threw fits and speeches if my boys even asked for a loan to help with insurance. They had their own policies at the age of 16, when I brought that up he told me I was crazy, they were on our insurance. I called the company just to prove a point and again his response is I don't like his daughter. I'm at the end of my rope, this is total BS and my kids look at me like WTH. Any advice on opening up a line of communication with Captain denial would be appreciated.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Not that I think it will work, but the best tactic is to refuse to participate in the conversation when it moves off topic. If you bring up something that is on your mind and he takes a tangent, stop him cold. Tell him he is free to bring that up another time but the conversation now is about XYZ. If he persists, disengage and tell him you are done talking for now.

Keep in mind, this goes both ways. If he initiates a conversation, you have to respect the topic until he is done with it.

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Jemm,

Has your son done his chores?

Yes or no?


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## Jemm (Sep 18, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Jemm,
> 
> Has your son done his chores?
> 
> Yes or no?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jemm (Sep 18, 2012)

Jemm said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Jemm said:


> No
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So, his child should do chores and yours gets a pass?


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## Jemm (Sep 18, 2012)

No that's not what I'm saying he yells at me and my kids when there stuff isn't done I'm not upset about that his daughter doesn't do hers and its completely overlooked, he doesn't say one word to her about. I should have given more background. This may sound so petty bit my kids look at me with those hurt faces. Its chores, bedtimes, privileges, jobs u name it. One set for her and another for mine and he made them both. No matter how I approach it he's angry defensive and its an argument. I feel like my kids think I don't have their backs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Hhhmmm, maybe you could try introducing a new set of rules and see if everyone (namely your husband) is willing to accept them. Make them as fair as possible, so fair (maybe even a hair easier on the daughter for good measure) that he really couldn't possibly argue against them. Make them public, write it on a big board in the house somewhere, and then challenge him to enforce them. When anyone starts to slip up, your kids or his, point to the board and insist on adherence (or consequences, depending on how you approach it) and see if he throws a fit over it then?

I will add however, that boys and girls are very different, should be raised differently, have different expectations/responsibilities, etc. I don't have a son yet, but if I did I know I'd be a little tougher on him as it relates to him working hard to make money to pay for things like a car and insurance than I would be on my daughter. I believe things like a first car mean very different things to teenage boys than teenage girls, so I don't necessarily think the car insurance example you provided is a bad thing if you husband feels like it's ok to help out with a daughter's car insurance but not a sons.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Get into MC. Have a third party hear your issues. That way you get what you need to get off your chest and maybe he can be challenged in that type of place.


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