# losing faith in the female species



## Enigma77 (Jul 25, 2011)

just recently broke up with my girlfiend that i was living with for 2 years after she cheated on me i dont know how many times...she lied to me constantly even when i knew the truth about what she was upto...i now have so many trust issues i dont think i could ever fully trust another woman again..

i need some advice on how to move on and get her out of my head cause for some stupid reason i still love her..even tho there is no way i would ever go back with her..

What have u guys done to get over someone that u realy loved?

and i dont mean sleep with someone else..tho i know that would kinda help but not realy a cure


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Recognize that your infatuation and trust issues are yours. You own them. Sucks that you got hurt, but what you choose to do with it, says far more about you as a person.

Don't wallow. Go do stuff. Either the things you used to do prior to the girlfriend, or find some new things.

Don't blame the species.
Do more active research on the species. You weren't the guy for her. She wasn't the girl for you ... Certainly not if she's sleeping with other guys.

Plenty of information here. Any questions, just ask.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

I sure hope you don't get blasted for this "species" comment but I will say this....

Not all women cheat.....
I believe (and I've heard this over and over) that cheating isn't the problem, it's a symptom. Something wasn't right...be thankful you weren't in a 20 year relationship and it ended....imagine how messed up I am! 

BUT! I get up everyday, I go to work and I try to enjoy life. Trust me, we don't know how long we have on earth, so try and enjoy your life....you will get through this!

Why would you want someone who treated you that way? HUH? Exactly


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

I am truly sorry about what she did to you..that being sad, women get cheated on just as much, maybe more, than men do. My H had an EA, so I know how much it hurts...cheating isn't gender specific...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Generalizing when you'er hurt is a normal human reaction and is a way to adapt for a short period of time while your head clears. I dont think you will continue to distrust all women. As you recover and think about the relationship, there might have been read flags that you ignored early in the relationship. Was she dishonest in her dealings with people, self centered, did she disceave you about derails of her background? 

Knowledge is power so read all you can about relationships and how men and women are like in them. You will become more decerning. Also plan to date at lest 10 women before committing to one. Be honest and be yourself. Honesty is important because what you do will eventually come back to you, good and bad. 

Just take this period to get your bearings and think about what happened and pick out the red flags. They are always there, just need to recognize them. Next time will be better, you'll pick the right woman for you. Another thing to think about - do you love the person she really is or the person you hopped she was? It was probably the former, the real person is probably not someone you would fall in love with. She is deceptive and does not seem worth any investment of emotions. Best of luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Sorry to hear about the cheating. Cheating is something that has gotten out of control - it goes both ways - women and men cheat almost the same amount these days.

But yes, life is short. Be grateful that you found out the kind of person she is before you got married and it happens somewhere down the line.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

After I divorced my ex-wife, my problem was not so much losing faith in women but losing faith in my ability to judge a woman's character.

You may find this interesting



> *“How to Judge a Person’s Character”* by Marius Panzarella.
> 
> The biggest mistake a person can make is to get into a relationship (be it business, personal, or romantic) with the wrong person. You can literally ruin your own life.
> 
> ...


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Some people lie. Some are habitual and compulsive liars. She sounds like one. I am guessing you are quite young because if you were not I would assume you would have experience of these kinds of people. I went out with a man at 16, he lied constantly, cheated on me in the most horrible way, absolutely digraceful behaviour. You would be shocked at what he did if I put it down here. But he was my education in bulls*it detection. After him, I could spot it a mile off. it doesn't mean I never got hurt again, doesn't mean I never met another sh*t of a man, hence I am here, bit it did mean I never went for another person like him. Can't even associate with people like him now. He was truly awful. People like him though are NEVER happy! How can they be happy if they behave like that. And how can they be happy if they can never be close to someone. She will never have a close loving relationship, will never experience that, because to be close to someone is to be honest with them. And to care. She will probably never really care for anyone. How sad.

BTW I am a woman. And I am totally honest. Not brutally so, but definitely a bit too honest sometimes. I am in touch with my feelings too. There4, my partner, my friends, anyone who knows me, knows that my word is true, knows exactly where they stand. And there4 can completely and utterly trust me. And if they cannot trust me, I would tell them so, there4, they know exactly where they stand. Easy. 
Easy for me. But not so easy for others. Life is an education, just make sure you use it as such. Otherwise, what is the point.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Don't even bother with her. And get over her by going on dates and finding someone better, going out with friends. People who do actually care for you. That 10 different people to go out with is good advice too (above) I wish someone had told me that when I was young. Helps you know what you want from a person. And what you don't want.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Take some pride in yourself.

Let your anger and hurt channel into positive emotions. Use that energy to go work out, work on a hobby, get out of the house.

She cheated on you many times because you were a door mat. She introduced the risk of disease in to your relationship. That should piss you off. 

She came to your bed after banging one out with some other piece of trash. Why would you want that in your life?

It is not "all women" you have a trust issue with. It is yourself, because you made bad decisions. Don't blame people you don't know and haven't met yet for your bad choices.

Learn to make better choices and you'll be surprised how much better the people you meet will be. Learn not to be a doormat. Learn why you chose a broken girl in the first place.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think cheaters are a species.
Be fed up with that rather than the gender.
Please.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say, 
For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away; 
But when hunter meets with husbands, each confirms the other's tale— 
The female of the species is more deadly than the male. 

The Female of the Species - Kipling


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Lon said:


> Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
> For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;
> But when hunter meets with husbands, each confirms the other's tale—
> The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
> ...


i cant stop reading this AWESOME :smthumbup:


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Along with Kim, one of his best writings. 
I once bought a book of Kipling's previously unpublished works...and then I realized, yes, that's why they're unpublished...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

The other stanza that I profoundly am realizing some truth in, at my point in life:

She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity—must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions—not in these her honour dwells—
She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I've lost all faith in humanity, male or female, father or mother, president or bum, and I held my belief that there is no right or wrong, no such thing as morality, only action and consequence, and that if anyone can get away with something - they will.

My wife however, is still defying my reality. She may not be perfect, and hell she even broke her promise to me by coming here on this forum (which she justifies it by saying that I broke my promise to her that I'm not going to let anything else come between us - pffft). But no one has come as far as she has in terms of trust in her loyalty - and I'm actually very paranoid.

It's never who I trust, it's what I trust them to do. Follow your instincts, always, but don't be clouded or deluded by pain or hurt. Do that, and you'll realise not all of humanity are that weak-willed.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

As the great Greek philosopher Mediocrates said "Aim low, ya can't miss"


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> As the great Greek philosopher Mediocrates said "Aim low, ya can't miss"


:lol::rofl:


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## PaGuy (Feb 1, 2012)

Enigma77 said:


> just recently broke up with my girlfiend that i was living with for 2 years after she cheated on me i dont know how many times...she lied to me constantly even when i knew the truth about what she was upto...i now have so many trust issues i dont think i could ever fully trust another woman again..
> 
> i need some advice on how to move on and get her out of my head cause for some stupid reason i still love her..even tho there is no way i would ever go back with her..
> 
> ...


Unfortunately, I have no good advice other than to preoccupy your mind with other activities. Keep this in mind, it has happened to all of us, we have all been there. Asking why, what if, I should have... it takes time.


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## KJ5000 (May 29, 2011)

Most women are financially independent now so the incentive to behave better than us is gone.
This is why you see increased cheating among women. Accept that women are no better but no worse than men in that area and proceed accordingly.

Oh- and the "something is/was missing" excuse to cheat is horse**** for BOTH genders.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> i need some advice on how to move on and get her out of my head cause for some stupid reason i still love her..even tho there is no way i would ever go back with her..
> 
> What have u guys done to get over someone that u realy loved?


You have to first take off the rose-colored glasses, put aside your fantasy of who she is, put aside your fantasy of how great your relationship "could have been if only she weren't a lying cheater". 

Your perception of her needs to change. Lying and cheating on you is just one sign of the person she is on the inside - think back and realize she's always been (needy, greedy, shady, attention-*****, insecure, fill in the blank) and that's why she cheated. 

Once you start seeing her for who she really is, you'll feel less like idealizing her and the "awesomeness" of the relationship you thought you had. The love you feel for her will fade once you see that you actually can't respect her as a person. It's hard to be infatuated with someone you can't respect.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

The best revenge is success. Be the best you, you can be. Right now put ALL your efforts into yourself.


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## GoodLove (Feb 19, 2012)

I'm a woman who has been done wrong by more than a few guys, but I still believe you have to keep your heart open. Each person is a whole new universe, and you can't blame all women for what one did to you--even though it's perfectly normal to feel this way. I'm sure you have a lot of anger to get through, which isn't fun. To avoid cheating women in the future, just ask your new prospect about her past (but with a grain of salt, mind you). Has she cheated in the past? Her answer will reveal what's in her heart, and what you can probably expect from her in future relationships. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior.


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## mattmf01 (Jan 24, 2012)

Man i am so sorry. I too have been in this situation before. I made it through by focusing on me and my needs. It's going to take a while, especially if you loved her with everything you have. Stay close to family and talk to your close friends, the ones that won’t judge you, about it. Hope this helps.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Time and distance.


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