# Nooner quicky turns into argument!



## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

so wife and I were sexting each other this morning. her specific text says "I can come home by 12". Then 10 minutes before 12 she texts me "I wont be home till after 12". "OK no problem" I say to her. 12:15 I get another text "Leaving work now" (Her work is 30 minutes away). Needless to say I wasnt happy cause I left work early for this rendezvous and I had things to do. Plus she was making me feel not so important. So she gets home at almost 1 and says "Im home" I said yeah really at 1 not 12 huh? She says "So your mad at me?!" anyway this escalates to a fight. 

I told her she could have just come home and said I am sorry I am late gave me a kiss and had sex. She said she has nothing to be sorry about. Im like WTF seriously if Im late I have to grovel at her feet. If she would have just said I wont be home till 1 (instead of 12) I would have been fine.

Im sticking to my guns on this one!


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## The Seahorse Guy (Apr 17, 2013)

A scene from my own life movie. I know how you feel.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

What do you seek to gain by "sticking to your guns on this one" besides the very real possibility that a nooner won't be on the table any time soon?


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

What was the reason for the delay?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> She said she has nothing to be sorry about.


Poop test.

One thing we are zealots about is agreements on when to meet.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So - did you decide on this nooner ahead of time, and thus you had planned this for a while and asked for the day off? Or - the day of you both decided to take the afternoon off/take an extended lunch? 

If it was the latter - I think there should be some appreciation about the short notice to her employer. And perhaps, while originally, it was estimated that she'd be able to leave earlier, given the short notice that didn't prove possible. Unfortunate, but true.

And - how is that a sh!t test? Should she have told her boss - "Sorry, I'm due home for a nooner?" If she was straight pressed on why this last minute time off was needed, what was she meant to say?


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## firefly789 (Apr 9, 2013)

SOP, how exciting to have a nooner! Then, what a downer not to have one. Okay, I'm a little envious that you two can even do this. I don't know what your job is like and if you can be late back to work, so that you could have actually had the nooner? I could never be late. No way. So, did your wife have a good reason for being late coming home? Was this a one time thing or an on-going issue of you being on-time and her being late? Also, if she makes a big deal when you are late, this is a separate issue that needs to be dealt with.

First, I think you need to talk about why she was late and how disappointed you were. If she had a really good reason then so be it, but if not, then let her know you felt like you were a lower priority just sitting at home waiting. Not pleasant.

Also, turn it around. Ask her how she would have felt in your shoes. She needs to know how it makes you feel (not as in angry, but that you're a lower priority when you've taken the time to make her a priority) and not just see it as a control issue. Frame it as an importance issue.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Next time, have sex and then fight. 

What wrong with you! Your priorities are screwed. What's more important, being right or being fvcked? :scratchhead:


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

Getting stuck at work to take care of job related tasks is more important than taking care of your sexual needs. Take the whole "I feel less important" pouting bit and just put it aside, it's immature, as is the fighting over her delayed arrival.

However

If she gets all pissed off at you when you are late, for GOOD reasons such as getting stuck at work then she's being unreasonable in that regard and you need to calmly sit down with her and discuss it and explain that, just as she sometimes gets caught in last minute work tasks, so do you and it's not something you can control. No matter what I'd never grovel at her feet like you do. I'd explain my delay and she can take it or leave it.

Fighting over this petty crap is a big waste of time.


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> Im sticking to my guns on this one!


Ohhhhh boy...ya know, I've come to believe the worst part of being married is that sometimes, even when I "know I'm right" in an argument, I still suck it up and apologize. Sometimes, I don't even have anything to actually be sorry for, so the easiest way to start is "I'm sorry we fought today..."

Sure, it was rude of your wife to be late. But, soon as she walked in the door, you got sassy about her being late, she knew you were mad and it escalated. 

All ya gotta do is tell her why you got upset. You felt taken for granted, used, hurt...whatever. Try again for another nooner soon!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> And - how is that a sh!t test?


Because acknowledging your feelings instead of saying you have nothing to be sorry about is what a decent spouse will do.

You don't come in saying "I'm home". Duh. Really? You come in apologizing for being late like you would for any other person, let alone your husband. 

Classic abusive behavior is to be late, not acknowledge it, then attack the person for mentioning it.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

You gave her time more value than yours. Arguing and getting upset underscores that. Next time text: " gotta run hun but ill take a rain check on the nooner."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Problem is if he were late she'd hold it over his head till he "groveled".

But if she does it then that's different.

That's what he's pissed about.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> I told her she could have just come home and said I am sorry I am late gave me a kiss and had sex. She said she has nothing to be sorry about. Im like WTF seriously *if Im late I have to grovel at her feet.* If she would have just said I wont be home till 1 (instead of 12) I would have been fine.
> 
> Im sticking to my guns on this one!


I get the feeling this is about a whole lot more than her just being late ... Thus my bolding your statement above. I lived with this type of entitlement mentality for many years. If my husband wanted to behave like a royal flaming a$$, I could put up or shut up. Me? Heck, I'd look at him wrong and he'd tear me a new one.

I eventually gave up my expectations of reciprocity as it pertains to the Golden Rule. 

Stick to your guns, but be willing to accept the fact that you will probably be at the shoot-out alone.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Guess it cant be a nooner if it took all afternoon to resolve...


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

Sounds like a stern punishment was in order. Maybe that's what she was hoping for? Just a thought


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Mavash. said:


> Problem is if he were late she'd hold it over his head till he "groveled".
> 
> But if she does it then that's different.
> 
> That's what he's pissed about.


It goes without saying that groveling needs to stop. Sorry I'm late babe. Got caught up trying to finish this spreadsheet. Nothing much more than that.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Take it from me, enjoy the nooner and quit worrying about poop tests.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Prodigal said:


> Stick to your guns, but be willing to accept the fact that you will probably be at the shoot-out alone.


Let me clarify what I mean by this statement. You "grovel." She doesn't. Stop the "grovel" routine. My guess is she will probably go silent treatment; thus, you will be fully armed but alone at the O.K. Corral. 

The bottom line is, you have some built-up resentment, which may very well be justified. However, unless she is willing to come around to at least acknowledge you have a valid point for being p.o.'d, then I think you are not going to get anywhere by sticking to your guns.

I calmly explained to my husband why I didn't care for him showing up whenever he felt like it for a previously agreed-upon meeting time without calling me with the heads-up to why he would be late. He STILL didn't get it.

Maybe your wife will see your point of view if you have a sit down discussion; maybe not. But get rid of the groveling act.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> What was the reason for the delay?


I don't think that matters at this point.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> so wife and I were sexting each other this morning. her specific text says "I can come home by 12". Then 10 minutes before 12 she texts me "I wont be home till after 12". "OK no problem" I say to her. 12:15 I get another text "Leaving work now" (Her work is 30 minutes away). Needless to say I wasnt happy cause I left work early for this rendezvous and I had things to do. Plus she was making me feel not so important. So she gets home at almost 1 and says "Im home" I said yeah really at 1 not 12 huh? She says "So your mad at me?!" anyway this escalates to a fight.
> 
> I told her she could have just come home and said I am sorry I am late gave me a kiss and had sex. She said she has nothing to be sorry about. Im like WTF seriously if Im late I have to grovel at her feet. If she would have just said I wont be home till 1 (instead of 12) I would have been fine.
> 
> Im sticking to my guns on this one!


She should have called you to let you know she would be late. It's called common courtesy aka respect. I'm sure the nooner had been on your mind so you were really frustrated.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

I'm assuming she was at work and got there as fast as she could. She did say after 12 and got there at 1....I understand you left early and were eager, diasapointed but getting out of work at all mid afternoon is a challenge for most and to be held to a strict time seems beyond reasonable.....I know when I'm at work sometimes an hour can go by and it feels like ten minutes when alots going on. I'm sure she would rather have been in bed with you....you would have blown my mood completely with that attitude after jumping through hoops to get there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

inarut said:


> I'm assuming she was at work and got there as fast as she could. She did say after 12 and got there at 1....I understand you left early and were eager but getting out of work at all mid afternoon is a challenge for most and to be held to a strict time seems beyond reasonable.....you would have blown my mood completely with that attitude after going through hoops to get there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really?

She was the one that set the time....WTF!!!!!!

I regress, I am the same way with my doctor. SOB sets an appointment for 2:00 PM...one would figure the damn doctor could keep the appointment ...and yet he expects me to be all happy and pleasant while grapping my balls and asking me to cough, when the phucker is an hout late! 

Seriously, isn't the hoops your spouse goes thru that makes it that more meaningful? 

Again aspecially when that said spouse set the time!:scratchhead:


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## nothingtodeclare (Apr 13, 2013)

*Re: Re: Nooner quicky turns into argument!*



suspiciousOfPeople said:


> Im sticking to my guns on this one!


Good Alpha move. One up it by making her wear a Flavor Flav style clock around her neck during the next romp. Now she's on your time!


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

That's my point...the hoops she went through to get there should have made it more special even though she was late. We don't have control over all things that happen at work...can't just say oh we'll...I'm going too bad...unless you're the boss....he should have let it go she likely wasn't late due to disrespect or lack of consideration....imo
_Posted via Mobile Device_

Btw...I'm the same way with the damn doctor. Drives me crazy but they have no regard and are not your spouse....
When did a quickie become an overriding factor to midday job responsibilities???


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Suprised that his wife coming home late is taken to be so life altering. 

I dont know your story and i dont make light of the problems you and your wife are having. Looking at this with no history behind it, you and your wife agreed to meet at home for some hot sex. 

You made sure to be there at the appointed time and she was an hr late. She did not apologize for being tardy.

I never thought I would say this sincerely but sex would have solved this, rather minor wrinkle. 

It would have been nice if your wife reacted to your hurt reaction by jumping on your azz and humping the hurt out of your bones. 

But for some reason, a well deserved love-break from your labors, was wasted on expressions of anger. Either of you could have stopped the spiral down and had sex. 

You could have discussed her tardiness at a less potent time. She may have had a good reason for disappointing you. Plus she really had no way knowing that you would feel disrespected. 

You are right she should have apologized but did you give her a chance? She announced her arrival and you expressed your displeasure. You could have made light of it and tell her she was going to be spanked. 

After you had sex you would not have felt so displeased. So you see sex would have solved your problem.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

It sounds like you are taking score instead of accepting a relatively small glitch in your plans. That's a control issue. That indicates a lot of resentments have built up. If my husband were an hour late for a nooner, then I would be mildly annoyed...but I would have had my fun with him and got over it. Instead, for you, this became a major issue. Little issues like this don't become so inflated if there aren't other major issues uplifting their status. 

Next time, make it quickie. Have your fun. If she likes it a little rough (if), then take your frustrations out on her ;-)

And consider addressing the major underlying problem contributing to your anger toward her. You may have a solid justification for being angry, and I'm not attempting to belittle that.

However, being a little late for a nooner and apologizing...while still being up for the fun...shouldn't have triggered this much anger...not as an isolated issue in an otherwise happy marriage. 

Just something to consider.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Suprised that his wife coming home late is taken to be so life altering.
> 
> I dont know your story and i dont make light of the problems you and your wife are having. Looking at this with no history behind it, you and your wife agreed to meet at home for some hot sex.
> 
> ...


I agree. Unless the OP comes back with more there is way too much being inferred here and his approach due to percieved disrespect just caused defensiveness and ruined the moment. I understand his feelings but they could have been expressed differently. Maybe they could have enjoyed the afternoon...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

What a lot of drama over nothing. Make love not war and just get on with your life. 

Plans don't always go as they should but getting angry over it is a waste of good energy.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SouthernMiss said:


> ...shouldn't have triggered this much anger...not as an isolated issue in an otherwise happy marriage.
> 
> Just something to consider.


:iagree:

You'd been waiting, there was no time to waste with talk. Just get naked pronto and enjoy.


Resentment prevented you having that attitude. Maybe it's time to deal with that and sort out the bigger issue at play.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> Classic abusive behavior is to be late, not acknowledge it, then attack the person for mentioning it.


This. When one spouse is consistently late and refuses to apologize, but is angered when the tables are turned, that's hypocritical at least


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## Saluki (Apr 6, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Problem is if he were late she'd hold it over his head till he "groveled".
> 
> But if she does it then that's different.
> 
> That's what he's pissed about.


:iagree:


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Starstarfish said:


> So - did you decide on this nooner ahead of time, and thus you had planned this for a while and asked for the day off? Or - the day of you both decided to take the afternoon off/take an extended lunch?
> 
> If it was the latter - I think there should be some appreciation about the short notice to her employer. And perhaps, while originally, it was estimated that she'd be able to leave earlier, given the short notice that didn't prove possible. Unfortunate, but true.
> 
> And - how is that a sh!t test? Should she have told her boss - "Sorry, I'm due home for a nooner?" If she was straight pressed on why this last minute time off was needed, what was she meant to say?


Totally agree. Work comes first- if she was late, she was late. At
Least she showed. I would be angry if I went through all that effort only to find a pouting husband at home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

TeaLeaves4 said:


> Totally agree. Work comes first- if she was late, she was late. At
> Least she showed. I would be angry if I went through all that effort only to find a pouting husband at home.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Men, please don't ever let the words "work comes first" come out of your mouth. That's precious. Like I said he should have went back to work if he needed to. No need to argue or stress on women doing women things like having no concept of time but the excuse making for this lady has been priceless.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Have you ever noticed that some people don't apologize for making someone wait when the reason was something beyond their control? It completely ignores the fact that the person made to wait was inconvenienced. It's a common courtesy to apologize for that. When you don't you're saying that their time isn't valuable. 

The OP left work early to make the rendezvous at the time his wife designated, so clearly his time is valuable. It's not like he was sitting at home all day playing video games. 

That said, the OP didn't have to return to work after the rendezvous, so he probably could have picked a better time to discuss the situation. If his wife is a chronic offender in this regard, then it shows a lack of respect and he should bring it up. He could also arrange to return the favor by missing an appointment and making her wait just to see her reaction. That would be very illustrative.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

inarut said:


> That's my point...the hoops she went through to get there should have made it more special even though she was late. We don't have control over all things that happen at work...can't just say oh we'll...I'm going too bad...unless you're the boss....he should have let it go she likely wasn't late due to disrespect or lack of consideration....imo
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> Btw...I'm the same way with the damn doctor. Drives me crazy but they have no regard and are not your spouse....
> When did a quickie become an overriding factor to midday job responsibilities???


Being late demonstrates shows how special it was? Not sure I get that, but even if so, this seems to miss the point that she never treats his being late as something other than extreme disrespect. The OP would be forced to grovel if the roles had been reversed. 

In light of that, expecting him to act like her being late does not make much sense to me.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> Plus she was making me feel not so important.


I think this is where the problem begins and ends. 

IMO you can stick to your guns and stay pissy with her over this, but it doesn't sound like it will matter much to her. She's de-prioritized you anyway. 

I would have had sex with her, but kept her tardiness in my mental rolodex for the next time she got bent for your tardiness. You missed an opportunity to get your needs met here. Sucks that you have to play this game with her, but you both sound like you have some issues with resentment and hurt feelings all around.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

TeaLeaves4 said:


> Totally agree. Work comes first- if she was late, she was late. At
> Least she showed. I would be angry if I went through all that effort only to find a pouting husband at home.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Kind of a "take it or leave it attitude, eh?" I get that work comes first. I work in a position that divides my time between projects, issues of different urgencies, and problems. I have a backlog so big that if I had to wait for my plate to be clear I would never leave the office. What that means is that I have to prioritize work versus non-work, recognizing that there are some non-work things that are more important than work things. 

Watching my kids promotion/graduation ceremonies? That's a can't miss. Going to Probate court to testify that I supported my brother having power of attorney for my father? That's a can't miss. Picking my wife up at the airport? Can't miss. Burning issues are always waiting at work when I get back. 

I think this is a case of the OP not being a priority to his wife. If he was a priority, at least she would have been apologetic when she finally did arrive.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

TeaLeaves4 said:


> Totally agree. Work comes first- if she was late, she was late. At
> Least she showed. I would be angry if I went through all that effort only to find a pouting husband at home.


All what effort? Explain that in detail. Because she couldn't even be bothered to utter the two words "I'm sorry". 

This is a great lesson in internet buzzards seeing someone hurt and relishing the idea of tearing a little more flesh off his bones.

Nobody - not one person - thinks that she should have been irresponsible about work.

"Work comes first" does not remove the obligation upon all of us to apologize when we are late for an agreed-upon appointment regardless of who it is with.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

She definately should have given a sincere apology. Of course you have to balance work and personal responsibilities. Your family shouldn't suffer from a lack of this balance. This was a spur of the moment let me get out of work for a quickie not a pre planned occasion.

I guess I need to find a job where I can come and go as I please.

Maybe some of you know the history with the OP, I don't. If his wife is typically inconsiderate and disrespectful then I see his issue. Looking at this as more of an isolated incident I just don't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Being late demonstrates shows how special it was? Not sure I get that, but even if so, this seems to miss the point that she never treats his being late as something other than extreme disrespect. The OP would be forced to grovel if the roles had been reversed.
> 
> In light of that, expecting him to act like her being late does not make much sense to me.


No, being late didn't make it special. Getting herself out of the office and whatever that entailed does make it special imo even though it took longer than she expected
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> :iagree:
> 
> You'd been waiting, there was no time to waste with talk. Just get naked pronto and enjoy.
> 
> ...


Ding, ding, ding!!!

And we have a winner, folks! 

Seriously, she was late. Big deal. THAT wasn't what you were upset about. Have sex or don't have sex, but deal with the real issues at hand.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So - what ended up happening with all this?


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