# Terms of endearment from a stranger?



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

What does everyone think of receiving terms of endearment from a stranger?

I travel a lot for my career. I have been a lot of different places. One of the things that really burns my hide is having a woman working at the register of a convenience store or anywhere for that matter, start of our interaction with the word "darlin", or "sweetie". It doesn't matter to me what their age, weight, or beauty is. I straight piss3s me off. My interactions consist of ma'am and sir. That's it, just straight business. This actually happened today, again.

I am from the south, so I know it more prevalent and part of it is just upbringing in many cases. There really is something to be said for southern hospitality. In many cases there is such a thing as being to friendly. 

About 90% of the time, it's creepy, the other 10% is just annoying. It's 100% unwanted.

How does everyone else feel about this?

How do you react?


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

I don't really care for it much, but then I find myself doing it sometimes. LOL...


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

JustHer said:


> I don't really care for it much, but then I find myself doing it sometimes. LOL...



Interesting. 

Are you conscious of when you do it? Especially, considering that you don't really care for it.

The reason I ask, is because for me, it would take me to be actively flirting or being overly friendly in order for me to do it. And that just isn't happening.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Well, usually it is other women that do it. I have always looked young for my age and took it as though they were talking down to me because they thought I was so much younger than they. That is basically why I don't like it.

I do it sometimes for basically the same reason, it is just a motherly thing, only to younger women, girls. But sometimes to very elderly too. I don't talk this way to men and I am not gay, so I do not look at it as a form of flirting, just trying to come off more friendlier, or caring.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I don't use those terms. People around here don't use them much either. When someone does it does not bother me. Usually it's someone that I will never see again anyway. Why would I care?


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I find it weird, as I don't use those terms, but it doesn't really bother me. I don't put much thought into it. 

I work in retail and get a number of people, men and women, who say those things to me. I wouldn't say those things myself, but if someone else wants to, they can. I know a few women who just use those terms for everyone, no special meaning or anything. There is also a guy who regularly comes in to buy certain items at the store I work at. I'm typically the one who helps him get one item from the back and he usually says "thanks sweetie". He has a gf and I'm married(he knows). I don't think he means anything by it, just trying to be nice, since I know I'm not his type(and he is not mine). 

I just smile. No need for any other reaction, as I don't think it's a big deal.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

I live in the south...

Happens a lot. Doesn't bother me at all..

I enjoy it.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm a woman and I don't mind it if it comes from a woman. I get it sometimes from older ladies who call me "sweetie" or "hun"... that kind of thing is common where I live. It's also common to give a quick hug to people you've just met. It's part of the culture. It's nothing sexual or romantic.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Doesn't bother me at all.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I'm not fussed by it at all. Except when used in the military the terms ma'am and sir are seldom used in the country I am from.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I interact with a lot of people from all over the United States on a daily basis in my job, and so this happens to me quite regularly, and it doesn't bother me. Now, when the woman tells me she'd love it if I could read bedtime stories to her every night...yeah, that's happened more than once...


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## Kvothe_The_Raven (Apr 6, 2014)

A local term of endearment here is "love" which to a foreigner such as my mum, can be quite distressing when first encountered 

When my mum first moved to this country and was greeted by a local as "love", my mum ran out of the shop back home to my father and implored his help because someone had just professed their love for her! :rofl:

It's something that comes with the local territory here and I look upon it simply as friendliness, so I welcome it. There's not enough warmth in society between strangers in my opinion.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Oh gosh...I am guilty! I don't even think about it. I say hon or sweetie to people all the time. I mean nothing by it.
> 
> Guess I better stop doing that...i find i even do it when writing comments here.
> 
> ...


Just keep being you, Mrs JA.

I admit, though, that I don't like this one guy who my W barely knows calling her "Dear" all the time.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

This guy is the same age as my W and doesn't seem to have any reason to use such a term.

Repeat for emphasis: Just keep being you, Mrs. JA.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think it's sweet.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

If you were referring specifically to my situation, jld, I disagree. It's presumptuous.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Philat said:


> If you were referring specifically to my situation, jld, I disagree. It's presumptuous.


Not referring to you. Just in general, and specifically when women are addressed this way. Jmo. I know some women hate it.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm Southern. If I was offended every time I had a relative stranger call me some variant of honey or sweetheart, I'd never be able to leave the house. People here are also big huggers, which likewise doesn't bother me. With the rare exception, there is absolutely no sexual or romantic intent behind it, and also usually no condescension or offense intended. I've never not been able to tell when someone is doing this with ill intent.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Oh gosh...I am guilty! I don't even think about it. I say hon or sweetie to people all the time. I mean nothing by it.
> 
> Guess I better stop doing that...i find i even do it when writing comments here.
> 
> ...



Whowaaaa!

Hold on! I like it. Coming from any female, at any time, through any medium. It's nice. So please stop........NOT!


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

There's an English man that works at a market I go to that uses "love". Again it doesn't bother me because he uses it with every woman.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If it's from a stranger, I don't really care since I will probably never see them again. 

Everyone communicates differently.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Interesting. In the South it's friendliness, and I think it's more common for women to use the terms for men or women equally, though when living in the South I got it less from men, i.e. men don't use it as much.

In the North, if you call someone you don't know a term of endearment, it's perceived, and often meant, to be derogatory and/or insulting.

Body language comes in handy, as does situational awareness.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Doesn't make the top 1,000 of things that bother me.


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## UsernameHere (Sep 26, 2013)

jaharthur said:


> Doesn't make the top 1,000 of things that bother me.


:iagree: 
Not even on my radar.

In the UK it's more unusual to get staff over endearing, BUT on occasions it brightens the day


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

nuclearnightmare said:


> Whowaaaa!
> 
> Hold on! I like it. Coming from any female, at any time, through any medium. It's nice. So please stop........NOT!


Lol. I like it, too, nn. Melts my heart every time, even if meant unkindly. 

Soft and naive here, I guess.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Oh gosh...I am guilty! I don't even think about it. I say hon or sweetie to people all the time. I mean nothing by it.
> 
> Guess I better stop doing that...i find i even do it when writing comments here.
> 
> ...


I cannot imagine a world in which YOU, of all people, could offend anyone. I am not a huge fan of that kind of language. Not that it would ever offend me. But the sincerity, or really lack thereof, is the thing that would irritate me the most, if I allowed that sort of thing to irritate me. The one thing you are not is insincere.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I don't think it's endearment so much as diminutive. That said, I would not even notice if it were said to me. But we don't talk much like that up here in the heathen north country.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I‘m Canadian and I like it so long as it‘s not meant to condescend.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

I guess most people are not really bothered by it.

I have had a couple of experiences where I have walked into a gas station to get waters and whatnot for the day. The woman behind the counter has started out with a sweetie or something else. I in turn give her a concerned look or really to her. There have been time when it's happen 2 days in a row from the same person. My reply is wow, that's uncomfortable.

It doesn't happen a third time, because I just don't go to that store again.

I guess it's all about comfort level. I myself think of it along the lines of is it acceptable to flirt outside the relationship?. I see any interaction as business.

One person mentioned hugging. I guess that happens to women far more then men, but the thought is pretty disturbing for me. I would immediately be creeped out.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

Depends where you are, in some places in England they say "sorry love" for things like bumping into you in a crowded place. 

I am in states now and they say sweetheart and hun a lot. The mam and sir is more for upscale dining and such. Where I work it is sweetheart and hun, it doesn't bother me, I do it too, the only time it bothered me was when older guy called me that all he time and left me a big tip. That was a little creepy.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> Depends where you are, in some places in England they say "sorry love" for things like bumping into you in a crowded place.
> 
> I am in states now and they say sweetheart and hun a lot. The mam and sir is more for upscale dining and such. Where I work it is sweetheart and hun, it doesn't bother me, I do it too, the only time it bothered me was when older guy called me that all he time and left me a big tip. That was a little creepy.




Interesting.
I have always thought of ma'am and sir as formal signs of respect.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Believe it or not, the only one I hear/see doing this on a regular basis is my sister. It grates on my nerves when I see her write "hun" or "sweetie" to people online, UNLESS she is using it in a way that is meant to calm them down. Like if they are hysterical about something, ya know? Maybe it bothers me because she's my sister. Dunno. I'm a hugger. I use words like that with close friends. But strangers? No.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Windwalker said:


> Interesting.
> I have always thought of ma'am and sir as formal signs of respect.


Military "ma'am" a lot especially the Marines we run into. We're near a Marine Corps base. It makes me feel like about 80 years old.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> Military "ma'am" a lot especially the Marines we run into. We're near a Marine Corps base. It makes me feel like about 80 years old.


Yeah, you never forget the first time someone calls you "Ma'am" instead of "Miss".


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Two words for it:

inappropriate and disrespectful

P.S. You still have that signature, lol.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I'm from England and people of either sex will regularly call others (both sexes) "darling", "love" or "honey/hun".

If I was called "Madam" by anyone other than a waiter I would have to consider very carefully whether I was being given a veiled insult.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

It irritates me if someone is doing it to me where I live or further north.It's out of place here and comes off like they're talking to you as they would to a child. 
It really burns me when a man does it or when a girl younger than me does it. It happens every time I take my car in to get the oil changed. Usually a gentleman in his 50's or older "ok sweetie,now which car is yours? alrighty honey we're gonna get that all fixed up for you now you just sit tight." ugh. really? I'm 32 years old so stop talking to me like I'm your 8 year old granddaughter. 

I've already corrected the receptionists at my office for that crap.
"Please refer to ALL clients as Sir/Ma'am or Mr/Mrs/Ms SoandSo.Calling someone honey,sweetie,hun,or babe is NOT appropriate." 

I've vacationed in the south and let it roll off because I know that's how most southern people talk to everyone. It's their thing.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> Yeah, you never forget the first time someone calls you "Ma'am" instead of "Miss".


I don't think my sister has forgotten... she was 16. She was called "ma'am" because a cashier thought she was my mother... I was 18.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

We use it all of the time down here.

Both male and female.

Men would adress a female as " dear."

Women would use terms like " love", sweete" or " darlin."

If the person wanted to be b!tchy, cold and formal , they would address you as "sir" / "madam." Mostly civil servants act like that.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> Yeah, you never forget the first time someone calls you "Ma'am" instead of "Miss".


We don't typically address women as "Miss" in the South. But, then you are also unlikely to hear something like, "Yes, Mrs. Johnson" here. We use "ma'am" as respectful address. Any woman you aren't close personal friends with is addressed that way - including strangers, and your own female relatives or family friends who are any more than a couple of years older than you. 

I've been a "ma'am" to someone since I was about 12 and started babysitting, and men began addressing me that way pretty universally by the time I could drive, so it doesn't make me feel old. For me, it was just an indication of being a grown-up, like a right of passage.


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