# Please , please read this.........



## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

In my few posts i explained about my partner and my difficultys, i didnt contact him for 2days he cameover on the third day for a chat heasked me could he come over the next day i said ok, we talked he said he still loved me and could he have the keys back i said yeah he could have keys, he was going to work he was finished at 12am he saked me if he could come home after he finished i said ok, i went to bed woke up at 1.30am nobody here, said to myself ah no not again, igot dressed and drove the car to the bar we have between us its all locked up i rang his phone no answer, i went to were this other woman lives and the two of them were sitting on her balcony chatting away, i called up is j there here face was a picture, contorted it was, i saw her tap him on the arm he ducked down i asked was JB there... knowing quite well he was she said no hadnt seen him all night i left i sat in the car for 8hours and eventually he appared out of the complex, have to say at this stage i lost it rage wasnt even in it,i slapped him across the face as hard as i couldand was like a thing posessed, i went home he followed me same again me screaming, i asked for the truth once and for all and he is still insisting they are only friends, he said he was only having a drink and the time went he said he was going to tell me were he was and that he was coming over to our house today to ask to get back together....... am i losing my mind


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

forgot to say that when she said he wasnt there or she hadnt seen him i left the complex only to go back in about 5mins later why i dont know but anyway they were both gone off the balcony, shutters were pulled tightly and i could hear the air-con unit ,cosy or what, should i ring her and ask why she lied to me when i asked was he there.. also he said he doesnt really rembember her telling me he not there, i asked him did he tell her to say that he said he doesnt rembember, am fuming the cheek of her to look over her balcony and say she hadnt seen him, also the cheek of him to go along with it, why wont he tell me the truth i think its an EA, but cant get any further as he clams up


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

and he also said that was his first time in her place since i asked him to leave 4wks ago, yes of coarse it was....... hum. feel numb here,no anger, hurt, pain , anxiety is this normal do you think
on a lighter note when i say i feel numb that doesnt include the neckache, backache, sore legs from sitting in a cramped car for 8hrs and a blinding headache


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Dump your partner now.


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## clb0208 (Aug 15, 2011)

Absolutely get rid of him!!! No questions asked. It is obvious he is a liar, and does not care about your feelings. Run as fast as you can!


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

this was the first episode that i noticed......iv never seen such a change in anyone we have been together for nearly yrs, we have a bar together this woman is a customer of the bar i was friendly enough with her in a professional manner and thought it was the same with him, the first time he stayed out i was at home cooking dinner and he was working an supposed to be home at 8ish, 8-9-10pm went i text him to find out what time he was coming home he said about 30mins that hewas still working, ataround 11.30 that night we had a bit of a storm all the electrics went i texted him to tell him his ans AH NO WAY .... the lights came back about 3am i then texted him to say thanks for coming over ...not... and for leaving me in the pitch dark on my own, no reply,, thatmorning 9ish he came in i asked what had happened he said he just went to this womans house for a drink as she was going away next day and must have fell asleep. to be honest at the time i believed him thought it was a bit strange but nevertheless believed him, 4 days later he recieved a text off her to say she had to come back as there was a problem with her summerhouse, i still didnt click


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

3 days after her return he stayed out again, came home in the morning i was annoyed to say the least i asked him where he was hesaid he was in this womans place as she was upset over the damage to her summerhouse, by now im feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation i asked him was anything going on that i should know about his reply..... dont be silly we are just good friends... SINCE WHEN I REPLYED... left it at that also around about this time i noticed that this woman wasnt coming into the bar when i was working in it said that to him and he said he didnt know why, anyway 3 nights later he comes in at 6.30 am he said he was in a local late night bar, strange i said as it closes at 4am andby the way your stone cold sober he had a couple of hours sleep on sofa went to work and didnt come home again that night until late afternoon


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It sounds like the OW set her sights on him and has done everything she could to rope him in.

He doesn't seem too swift, I mean telling you he was going over to another woman's house to have a drink after working in a bar for hours. I'm sure she had already had a few herself.

Then the blacony incident. Just how dumd he think you are?

Look, this OM is throwing herself st him. She is no doubt using every feminine trick in the book to reel him in to her and away from you.

He is return is going along with her, and asking you to turn the thinking part of your brain off and accept his rediculous lies.

At this point don't waste time by trying to engage in the drama, or get him to come clean. Clearly he doesn't have the man parts to tell you the truth.

So just tell him to get out. If he wants to tell the truth you'll listen, but until then it'd strictly business only between you two.
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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

again i asked what was going on nothing he said i swear we are just friends and she needs somebody to talk to at the moment has some problems.. anyway 4 days later same thing i gave him an ultamatium stop or leave he said he would stop but that i was being stupid to think that anything was going on with him and her that was a sun. tue we were on opposit shifts he in day i on evening, he came home at 5 we ate i went 2work at 7, when i came home at 12.30 the house was empty i text him no ans, rang hin asked where the f--k he was guess what with her in her apt i just hung up, next morning he came home i asked him how he ended up out with this woman again and guess what he rang her about 8ish that evening he said she was in need of a friend so he went out and met her in a bar for a drink, at ntime that evening did he let me know he was out, i asked him howcome he ended back in her place again he said he was walking her home and they just ended up going in,asked him why he didnt ans my text said he knew he would be in trouble, asked him considering the fact that you have to pass our little bar to get to her complex why didnt he drop in and let me know , no sensible answer, he said that when i rang she was going to ask me up to her place but i had hung up before she could


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

im rambling here i know but have to get all this of my chest as i havent told a soul whats going on, i am like i dont know what , not sleeping, eating just smoking an cleaning the house constantly.
2 days later we had a blazing row about her, he said that people need other friends intheir lives apart from their partners, i told him to leave he did, i stayed out of work i couldnt handle seeing anybody, no contact apart from me being nasty in text and emails, once he came over and after a couple of hours i asked him to leave i couldnt look at him so angry i was am still very angry, our dog of 10yrs took sick suddenly had to get him to bring me to vets every day for a week, he came in stayed couple of nights on sofa, the dog had to be put asleep got the vet out to my house and got the deed done i was devastated he stayed for about an hour left said he going to get cigs never came back that day got a text to say he be over in a few mins, no show


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Stop engaging him. Come on he keeps spending the night at her place. Even if they aren't in bed together, that is completely unacceptable for an SO to do once. He keeps doing it.

Is he the worlds best lover? Is he the funiest man in the world? We already know he isn't the smartest. So why not tell him to leave and you can be rid of his cheating ways?
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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

never put a weekend in like that, he texted methe next day could he come over fora chat i told him f--k off, he came over monday evening i didnt let him in, i was still sending nasty messages to him and threatening all sorts, next weekend i got myself done up went to the bar for a drink we ended up going somewhere else and he ended up coming home he slept in the bed no sexual relations involved, next morning he kept saying how sorry he was to hurt me so bad, he came over next evening stayed late at night i told him to leave in fact i ran amok, there was no feedback from him nothing only im sorry, and anytime i mentioned her he was on the defensive about her, she did nothing, she doesnt even know that we split up, she this and she that couldnt get past it,as far as he is concerned she has nothing to do with this


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

this week he wanted to comeover to talk again i gave him every oppertunity to be open still claming up about him and her still only friends.... NONSENCE.. hesaid he thinks he had some type of breakdown, i asked him how he was getting on in his new apt and did he miss me at all he said yes he missed me more so in the first couple of wks but was kinda enjoying his freedom, i said to him do you know that we are split up over a month now he said it didnt seem like that,,, did to me love.. the last few days i didnt contact him it was him that was phoning , texting and emails, it was him that was coming over here asking if we could try again, he even asked me out for a meal for tonight and i had said maybe, and then he asked for his keys back so he could come over last night,,, then all this again last night wtf is he playing at


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

i dont know if he has slept with her or not i asked he said no, he wont even admit to having an ea with her, keeps insisting just friends, strange friendship i say , both of us are 50yrs old this other person is 65 yrs old a glamorous 65 i admit but... i would love to know what hold she has on him, also last night he said she was in the bar and that it was his idea to go back to her place when i had trusted him enough to give him keys back when he asked could he come back over after work, i suppose it doesnt reallymatterwhose idea it was he went


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If he wants the marriage to work, he is old enough to know that any continued contact with her is a red flag to you. So what does he do? He goes to her place and spends the night?

Seriously?

Is possibly the thickest man alive?

Actions speak louder than words, and his actions are screaming at you.

Sorry, but stay strong.
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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

Shaggy thanks for your replies, does anybody think i should bring this out into the open and start telling people that we are no longer together...... and also does anybody think that i should pack his clothes and drop them up to her place and just say... when you see J tonight or tomorrow night will you give him these and also how dare you tell me that you hadnt seen J when he was sitting or hiding i should say right beside you and then just walk away
any feedback appreciated


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Personally, do the things with the least drama. The drama just ends up making you feel like crap later on.

Tell him he needs to come get his stuff. Arrange a date and time fir him to retrieve it,

I would tell friends or people you see daily so there won't bey drama there. You don't need to get into it all. Again choose whatever has the least drama.

You going all adult and anti drama may actually shake him up a little.
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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

shaggy your probably right why am i worried about getting his clothes to him for anyway , and in that way seems like attention seeking and probably is a form of attention seeking and as for telling her that i know he was beside her she already knows that and him as well, damn the 2 of them leave them to it for now, in saying that by bedtime i will probably be an emotional wreck, wed night i thought i was going to end up in hospital waves of panic all night, nausea and the shakes finding it very difficult to sleep the odd hour here and there seems to do me for 2 days


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## southernmagnolia (Apr 12, 2011)

marcat, I know you are hurt by what is going on. You need to put him out of your life as your continued contact will only drive you more insane. The man is a **** and is proving it to you time and time again. 

Stop the insanity and get off of the roller coaster. Let him go.


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

yeah he is a p---- for treating me like something you step on, it should be good fun in work... not... have decided im going back to work monday will have to do opposite shifts in the bar and when paths do cross in work be very professional and biz like, we live in a fairly small community with a fair bit of local trade this woman is local and knows a lot of people in our area,im going to have to decide the best way to deal with her and his relationship or friendship as he calls it as i dont want to create ill will in the bar with people ie customers taking sides, cant have a fall off of trade as in this present climate its hard enough to keep your head above water


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

When you think about him try realizing what a weak spineless guy he is being. He can't find the spine to come clean and admit what he is up to. He is 50 years old and he is still wimping out like he is 15. Honestly are you attracted to a guy that weak? You can trade way up to a guy with a spine.
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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

i am trying my best but he has left me devastated, humiliated and embarrased an i dont know why im embarrased, and that on the balcony last night was unreal i think thats the straw that is going to break the camels back, an all this is just crazy to me, if anyone had have said to me a few mths ago that im going to be out spying and looking for my partner in the middle of the night and then seeing and hearing him only to be told he wasnt there by some woman that i thought was just an aqquaintance i woulld have laughed at them an said no way, have mixed emotions now im discusted with myself not for going to where she lives but for walking away when i knew he was there , im not really into confrontation and when i heard and seen them , i think maybe i should have run amok there and then, dont know what i should have done


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

this morning when i was outside he didnt see me such satisfaction i got from giving him such a slap across the face, and thats not me,so far today i havnt contacted him by any means, proud of that and i have her email havnt sent her a message either, i feel so tired its 8.45pm where i live and iv been up since 1.15am fri night.sat morn, i hope i sleep tonight an not just for an hour or so, weary i am


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I hear you. You feel the way you do because someone you trusted and believed in is now acting like a completely different person and is lying to you. You are reaching out to make it work, and he is just not. Your feeling abandoned and alone. You know what, he is the one who is too spineless to be honest, to spineless to make a commitment and honor it.

What should you have done? Well you did it. You called him on his bs, and stayed there long enough to catch him red handed.

Now you are gonna skip drinking for the next week, cause that will make you do stupid stuff, and your gonna realize that this guy has shown himself to be a boy not a man. Oh, and he's running to this old woman to solve his pro ben's, like a little boy running to his momma.
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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

thanks for the support shaggy, i got through today ok.. ish , well i think i did considering what happened this morning, tomorrow hopefully will be ok will see, and monday back to work UH... 
whats bs
and as for staying there long enough my neck and shoulders killing me.... ah yes do you know what i said to him this morning ..... that when i called up on to the balcony and her face was a picture totally contorted it was, i said that if her teeth hadnt have been screwed into her gums they would have ended up on the balcony floor ah the miracles of modern dentistry


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

he emailed me this morning asked me how i was i said ok nothing else, he emailed back that he wasnt too good and that he never felt so down in his life i shouldnt have answered but did i said i know the feeling been like that for last 6wks or so go over to momma she will make you better, i also said that he has proved to me time and time again that he didnt give one iota about me,my feelings or our relationship even when our dog died you gave me no support and had proved it on many many occasions and that he was a liar, also i said that i thought that you and her were two creepy people and you and her make me sick you for scuttling over there at whatever hour in the night and her for letting you in, he asked me to stop i said i am not starting anything just stating facts not hysterical, not accusing, none of this you did , you did, i was just stating facts, maybe i should have ignored him but this is the first time that i have emailed or texted him without getting myself upset, and i am being honest in saying that they both make me sick


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So you engaged in s little drama. Learn that it solved nothing an do not do it again.

From his tone it sounds like your most effective thing would to go completely dark on him. Do not respond to any contact that is not work related from him. His tone is poor poor me, I'm so bad, feel sorry for me and forgive my cheating....

Really this guy seems to not have any alpha male inside at all. You know he likely did run to momma after you told him off. What a little wimp.
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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

You have a problem. You say you own a bar together? He wanted keys..you gave them to him! Watch. His interests are his own, not yours. 

He spews lies after lies and you want to believe he is telling you the truth. 

He is in an affair, for sure. You won't get any truth from his lying mouth. 

You are not insane. What he is doing is abuse, mental abuse and it is on the road to destroying you. 

Vent, ramble and anger here. People will help. Get it off your chest. Just don't think you are losing your mind. Some Cheaters try to make you think you are the crazy one. 

You've got a joint business. Right? Time to take time out and think about YOU. Rally in some friends and if you don't want to do that, think about here. 

Make sure he doesn't leave you high and dry with lots of business debts. 

Take a step back. You are going through the rollercoaster of emotions at the moment.

Have a look at "Just let em go" but you need to first look at what risks you have have been exposed to both physically STDs and from a business point of view.

Don't do anything rash. Ask here for advice, if you feel you need to do that in order to protect yourself. You might need to lawyer up sooner rather than later.


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

shaggy i think your right he is now looking for sympathy from me saying he never felt so bad and that he shouldnt have done what he did.... that getting to be his swan song... shouldnt have done if i heard it once... he hasnt been in contact since i said that they were 2 creepy people and made me feel sick, and do you thats the truth the thought of him slithering over there late at night for and these are his words JUST A DRINK AND A CHAT, he can chat all he wants now because at the moment im not interested in him or her, how long this will last with me i dont know but i think the balcony incident and waiting there all night did it for me, also i said to myself that night when i was sitting in the car... you know he is in there just go home... but also knew that if i didnt wait he try and twist things does that make sense
lazarus we both have keys of the bar it was the house keys he asked for back and i did give them now have them back, im working tomorrow evening and will have a look at bills and all stuff ect to see that everything is kept up to date, i know the wages bill is a lot higher coz i havent been too reliable for the past month and havent been in work since last tuesday at all, the last week i was in work i felt totally strange dont know how to explan but did you ever start a new job and you dont know anyone and you feel a bit out of it thats the way i felt was like i was a complete stranger


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

what a night i shouldnt have done this i know but whats done is done and everything i needed to now i know it now, i spyed on him tonight saw him leaving wk and followed him he was on the phone to her i presume and didnt see me, i lost the plot when he turned into her apt complex started screaming and ranting i tried to get his phone and he wouldnt give it to me, i draggged him up to her door rang the bell think she thought it was him and was she opened the door i was screaming wtf is going on she had a look of panic on her face and said ASK HIM i screamed he wont tell me she said she wasnt getting involved and closed the door he went walking down the path i ran after him trying to get the phone out of his hand i nearly had it he threw it into the gardens of the apt and went i found the phone how i dont know looking for ages but eventually found it , i sat in my car for about 15min and do you know what he came slithering back to her place, anyway the phone i have all the text mesages all the sordid little messages they were sending each other i keep going through them again and again and again cant believe it , an the call log as well back and forth they ringing each other every hands turn shaking here, and it wasnt just a friendship as he said and it wasnt just an ea as i thought was a full blown affrair dirty rotten pig


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You went with the drama, and now your feeling awful. I know it hurts and you feel rejected and humiliated buoy him. Stop going back fir more of his lies and crap.

He is not responding to you confronting him. It isn't going to work any better tomorrow than yesterday.

You need to go dark on him, and let him be alone. There is a good chance that once the old woman sees you've du,ode him, that he will lose whatever attraction he had to her. He will just be a weak spines man boy and not attractive.

Your continued pursuit is making him have more status with her because it makes him look wanted. If you really cast him off then he is just another dud.
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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

your right i went with all the drama, feel terrible devastated gettin sick all night, dont know which was the worst knowing in my gut or knowing 100pc feel myheart is geting ripped out of me dont know what to do here and i know theres nothing i can do, he came over today the usuall im sorry it only happened once lark i dont want to lose you its not like we were all that nonsence, told him to leave


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## marcat (Aug 31, 2011)

its like thepast couple of months have been a dream and now reality bites, think the dream was less painfull


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