# What a mess I’ve made



## Bill77 (Apr 9, 2021)

Hi, I’m a guy, 43 married with 2 kids. I’ve been with my wife since I was 22. 

I’m bisexual although I’ve never strayed (well up until few months ago) since we met. I love my wife but our marriage is sexless. She just doesn’t want sex. We love each other, we’re best friends and have a lovely life, but there’s no sexual intimacy. It’s been a problem that has developed over time but it’s always been an issue. We’ve had sex twice in 18mnths and both times it was clear that she was going through the motions which makes me feel uncomfortable.we've done counselling etc but nothing works. Neither of us want to split. 

I need sex. That might sound awful but I do. I’ve managed with porn up until now but a few months ago I cracked and met a guy. We blew each other. I’ve done it once more since. I’m not proud but it did give me a release. Hooking up with a guy was easy- emotionless and purely about sex. In a misguided way it felt less of a betrayal than meeting a woman.

I do feel guilty now and don’t know if I should confess to my wife? 

I know I’ve messed up.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She blown you off for many years.

However, she did it up front.

You have blown a dude behind her back.

Two selfish puffs, make not a right.

Get divorced, choose your proper gender. 
..........

It might be that she knows of your true sexual proclivities. 

A clever wife can read the hand writing on her man's balls.


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## Bill77 (Apr 9, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> She blown you off for many years.
> 
> However, she did it up front.
> 
> ...


Thanks for posting, I know I’ve been deceitful. I actually wouldn’t want a relationship with a guy even if I was single. It was purely about the sex. Do I tell her what I’ve done?


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

This forum is filled with sexless marriage stories. It sucks, no pun intended, because after 21years you could potentially have a lot to lose in a divorce. 

What's keeping you two together? Don't give me the we're best friends line again. Sex is the glue that holds a couple together. Sex is why you talked to her in the first place over 20 years ago. 

You guys need some type of solution because as of right now if you tell her what happened then you are the bad guy. Ever think that maybe her interest is just not with you? Before you throw yourself at her mercy do some digging, she might not be an angel either.


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## Bill77 (Apr 9, 2021)

Al_Bundy said:


> This forum is filled with sexless marriage stories. It sucks, no pun intended, because after 21years you could potentially have a lot to lose in a divorce.
> 
> What's keeping you two together? Don't give me the we're best friends line again. Sex is the glue that holds a couple together. Sex is why you talked to her in the first place over 20 years ago.
> 
> You guys need some type of solution because as of right now if you tell her what happened then you are the bad guy. Ever think that maybe her interest is just not with you? Before you throw yourself at her mercy do some digging, she might not be an angel either.


You may have a point. I get your Point about sex being the glue but we genuinely do have a good life in every other way. I’m just not sure if not telling her is fair


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

What do you think her reaction will be if you come clean and tell her?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

So how did you like blowing and getting blown by a guy? If you found it exciting and exhilarating, you need to come to grips (sorry) with that reality, as well. Unravel this question before you come clean.


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## Bill77 (Apr 9, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> What do you think her reaction will be if you come clean and tell her?


I think she would be very unhappy, understandably


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Does your wife know you are bisexual?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Bill77 said:


> Thanks for posting, I know I’ve been deceitful. I actually wouldn’t want a relationship with a guy even if I was single. It was purely about the sex. Do I tell her what I’ve done?


No, just amicably divorce her.

And stay away from gay men. You are seriously inviting STD'S into your life.

Oh, you are bi/gay. No way around that.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Torninhalf said:


> Does your wife know you are bisexual?


This is my question as well. I agree dev is the glue that holds a marriage together. Why live in constant compromise just to have someone to watch tv with? That is not fulfilling.

With that being said, the cheating was in poor taste. I would advice deciding if you can manage a sexless marriage before confessing. If you can’t, spare her the details and just divorce. No reason to cause further hurt if you are already on your way out.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

My sexless story is long and you probably won't want to slog through it in my considering divorce thread. The bottom line is I escaped from a sexless marriage. I'm in sex heaven now, but I had to go through ten years of sexless Hell to get there then do something about it once the last kid was out of the house. No excuse for cheating though, I never did even though it turns out my ex did. I have no other advice than to escape.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Ok, you feel guilty but I wouldn't tell her.. Maybe keep trying/talking to her about how important intimacy is in a relationship. Prehaps, go to counseling for yourself--- you can share your guilt and find out what's next..


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Your sexuality and the fact that your marriage isn't working need to be tackled as different issues. It would not matter if you were bi/straight/gay, etc. If your primary relationship is not sexually fulfilling then it isn't working and you are in the middle of potential affair territory.

You really need to have a discussion with your wife about the future of your relationship before making more bad choices.

Also, please ignore those posters on here who seem to have a problem accepting that bisexual people do actually exist.


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