# Ladies, Are you insulted by coaching?



## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

My GF and I were discussing BJ's the other day and when I suggested that she use some different techniques to get me off faster, she was a little insulted. I suppose every woman thinks they give great head and that men should just be happy that they're willing to do it, but I take my technique in all aspects of sex very seriously and am always open to suggestion and improvement. Sexual preferences are very personal and everyone is different and likes different things, so I don't really understand why anyone would be insulted if their SO asked them to do things differently or try something new. In fact, when I got divorced and had to start dating again, I read several books on all different kinds of technique for oral and otherwise because I figured a long marriage had made me rusty and complacent. 

So I guess I'd like to know if other women (or men, for that matter) are insulted when the SO suggests they change how they give head or move in bed or whatever. Obviously, it has to be approached constructively and non-critical. Thoughts?


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Tommy518 said:


> I suppose every woman thinks they give great head ...


I know my wife thinks that she gives the best head of all.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I've never been insulted by "coaching" as you call it. (I'm a woman)


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I just put a book on my wife's kindle. Let's see what her reaction is.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

For me it would depend how you say it. There's nothing wrong with the suggestion per se but one should be careful with the tone and when to say it. 

Overall, I don't see anything wrong with it.


----------



## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I've never been insulted by "coaching" as you call it. (I'm a woman)


Maybe "coaching" was the wrong word. Just suggesting different techniques in a tactful way.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Tommy518 said:


> Maybe "coaching" was the wrong word. Just suggesting different techniques in a tactful way.


Oh, no, it's a fine word!  I only put it in quotations because I've never used the word in that way. All good! I didn't mean to make it sound like I was offended or anything!


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I give great head.


OK now that is out of the way, no I am not insulted when he tells or shows me what he likes, it is his body and I am there to make him happy as he is for me.

My man has a particular way that he like to be held while giving a HJ which is different to past lovers, how would I know unless he showed me.


----------



## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

I'm always open to help with how to please my man more. I think I'm not very good at BJ's my boyfriend would say otherwise. He says I could make him finish if I kept going just a little bit longer but unlike him I can't push past that pain barrier to continue so need breaks. It kills my jaw haha so no, never offense taken if he could suggest a new move


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I wouldn't be insulted by "coaching" or flat out asking/telling what works for him. It would be horrible to think he was wishing I would do something in a different way and not saying anything. If it has the added bonus of getting him off faster during a BJ, me and my jaw would be all for it.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I wouldn't be insulted at all by suggestions as long as they were made in a tactful and nice manner. In fact, when we did have a sex life, I would have welcomed some sort of feedback (any sort of feedback) from my H instead of spending most of the time wondering if he liked what I was doing. Whenever I asked him he always said everything was fine, but he never seemed to be getting a buzz out of any of it and it all seemed rather mechanical. Whenever I tried to give him some feedback he ignored it totally and carried on doing the things that he though made him a red hot lover, even though most of the time I was just in pain and hoping he would finish quickly and stop hurting me. The only feedback I ever got from him was one time when he was pounding away at me he said "I love it when you yelp in pain"!


----------



## BBF (May 21, 2015)

Sigh....


----------



## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

The only thing my H has ever said was that he does not like his balls to be touched. I was surprised because that seemed sexy to me, but of course I stayed away from them once he told me.

Unfortunately I am very sensitive to "coaching," which I see as criticism. Stupid ego problem. Have to be perfect. Little Miss Can't Be Wrong. So the best way to approach someone like this to offer non-verbal cues. Get into the position you like best. Moan when she does the right moves. Ease out if she is being too rough. 

Another thing to try is to ask her what she likes with oral and then tell her what works for you. I know it is annoying, but choose your words very carefully so you do not give the impression that you do not appreciate her efforts. Give her time to absorb your suggestions, and keep trying.


----------



## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

> Another thing to try is to ask her what she likes with oral and then tell her what works for you. I know it is annoying, but choose your words very carefully so you do not give the impression that you do not appreciate her efforts. Give her time to absorb your suggestions, and keep trying.


I've asked for oral tips, but she says I know more about her vagina than she does and can't think of anything to tell me. I've also suggested we masturbate in front of each other to see how we touch ourselves and what we like. She says she doesn't want to see me masturbate and isn't comfortable with me watching her. I think I'm just going to have to give her subtle tips during and take baby steps. 

I'm sure part of the problem is just that she's reluctant to be too good at it because she doesn't really want me to get off for fear that I will lose interest and not reciprocate, even though I've assured her that's not going to happen as I love going down on her and seeing her get off. This is probably a common issue with women, but you all can respond if not. I would think most guys will follow through if they're taken care of first.


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I think that comes with maturity. For a while when I was learning what my H liked, I would ask him (hell, I still do sometimes) a few times during the act itself if I was doing it right or what he would like me to try differently.

He's "coached" me through it enough to where now, I am damn good at it (for him). It never hurt my feelings at all to learn what he did and did not like. 

If your gf gets insulted, she needs to work on herself a bit. Why would she want to continue doing something that gives you little to no pleasure? How does she expect to get any better?


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Tommy518 said:


> So I guess I'd like to know if other women (or men, for that matter) are insulted when the SO suggests they change how they give head or move in bed or whatever. Obviously, it has to be approached constructively and non-critical. Thoughts?


No way, I'm anxious for feedback. I don't have a penis so I have no idea what feels good.


----------



## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

staarz21 said:


> If your gf gets insulted, she needs to work on herself a bit. Why would she want to continue doing something that gives you little to no pleasure? How does she expect to get any better?


We've talked about that. She knows she's overly sensitive to criticism (in all areas) and needs to work on it. Her Ex was very critical and there's some residual baggage there. Nothing serious, but there, none the less. We all have some.


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Tommy518 said:


> I've asked for oral tips, but she says I know more about her vagina than she does and can't think of anything to tell me.


:scratchhead:

W/all due respect, that's a weird response. As the owner of my own vag, I know it best.


----------



## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

lucy999 said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> W/all due respect, that's a weird response. As the owner of my own vag, I know it best.


Agreed.


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

That actually sounds like EXACTLY the kind of thing my wife would say.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Nope.


----------



## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)

Not at all. I often ask my husband if there is anything I can improve on in bed. He also wants me to share my honest opinion about how he satisfies me as well. 

Another way we change each other's bedroom techniques is completely non verbal. I only need to shift my body or grimace if something is not feeling good and my husband picks up on that immediately. If I am giving my husband a BJ and I am moving my head too slowly, he will put his hand on the back of my head or move his hips up to meet my mouth some more. We are very in tune with each other. 

As long as spouses are being polite and loving when they share their critiques, I don't see why there's anything to be offended about.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Tommy518 said:


> I've asked for oral tips, but she says I know more about her vagina than she does and can't think of anything to tell me.


So my two cents. If your oral is on her vag and not on her clit, then you are doing it wrong!


----------



## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> So my two cents. If your oral is on her vag and not on her clit, then you are doing it wrong!


hilarious...

It's a broad playing field down there. Nothing is excluded.


----------



## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

Nope. Not insulted and i welcome the feedback. I try to pay attention to his response to see what he likes more, not hard to figure that out. I also flat out ask what he likes, even asking for feedback during the act - do you like THIS or THAT better, etc.

True, everyone is different. And it might change from day to day for the same person.


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> I just put a book on my wife's kindle. Let's see what her reaction is.


There was pinching and middle names thrown about, but she's reading it.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I was married to a guy who would not talk about things related to sex. I did try to talk to him about some things that would have improved sex... after a few attempts, with him sulking and stomping off I gave up.

It's a people think, not a woman thing. Some men and some women just cannot take input and/or don't want it. why? Your guess is a good as mine.


----------



## J.deere (Jul 8, 2015)

I do the same thing making suggestions for which I like. Sometimes it works sometimes it don't. But how you say it makes her reaction . if she isn't comfortable doing something well not much that you can do other than hope for the best


----------



## lilbitoluv (Aug 14, 2015)

doobie said:


> I wouldn't be insulted at all by suggestions as long as they were made in a tactful and nice manner. In fact, when we did have a sex life, I would have welcomed some sort of feedback (any sort of feedback) from my H instead of spending most of the time wondering if he liked what I was doing. Whenever I asked him he always said everything was fine, but he never seemed to be getting a buzz out of any of it and it all seemed rather mechanical. Whenever I tried to give him some feedback he ignored it totally and carried on doing the things that he though made him a red hot lover, even though most of the time I was just in pain and hoping he would finish quickly and stop hurting me. The only feedback I ever got from him was one time when he was pounding away at me he said "I love it when you yelp in pain"!


That's pretty horrible that your husband enjoys your pain. smdh


----------



## letmeletgo (Aug 9, 2015)

We have spells where we will send sexy texts while at work/out with friends/even together and describe what explicitly we would like the other to do. We find it hot and can't wait to get together to do it.

Also good old fashioned body language, moans, 'ooh right there feels great.' A subtle or, depending on the mood head push. Arching body, etc. Often we just talk about it outside of bedroom. We ask eacb other lots of questions about preferences. Total non-threatening and un-offensive-for us. 

Sometimes instructions are needed-it's not called a job for nothing. Be sure to reciprocate and ask her what she likes you to do for her maximum pleasure.


----------



## BBF (May 21, 2015)

Did you cum? "Yes." You're so quiet. "You are too." All that time in prison. "Prison?" Just kidding. First marriage.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

OP, I'm going to maybe offer a opinion that hasn't been mentioned (at least I don't think it was). Going out on a limb here, but based on your description of what happened, it may have been your execution that upset her.

If you're going to suggest things subtly to her, such as: "you know hon, when you do this... it'd be kinda better if you do something like this with your tongue, then do this and blahblahblahblah...." She's going to get offended. The desire is going to leave her eyes, and all she's going to hear in her head is that she's not pleasing you and she sucks at giving head. The more you discuss with words, the more she's going to think it's criticizing. 

However, If you're in the heat of it and you start groaning and say "oh god hun that's so good, do XXX!", just blurt out for her to DO something different while she's already going at it, you might actually see a more enthusiastic response. Let her feel as though she is doing everything RIGHT. Guide her head and play with her hair.


----------



## LainyLove22 (Aug 22, 2015)

Not at all !! I appreciate him " coaching or suggesting " since every guy is different with his wants and needs so verbalizing and sharing this with me is important to any intimacy I have with a man.

If it helps me to make him feel good and provides that much more pleasure then I'm all ears ....... so to speak !?


----------

