# Not Accepting Divorce :(



## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

My husband filed in July. I have been in denial and not accepting it. We have been married 8yrs and together 12 yrs. We have two kids 3.5 and 7. He says he wants a divorce cuz he will never be able to trust me again. I believe over time that time heals the pain. I am rebuliding the trust but he still says he wont be able to trust me 100%. He wont go to counseling. I think going to counseling will help him deal with not being able to trust me. He says the other issues within the marriage can be resolved but not this one.  I cant afford a lawyer. He has borrowed money from his brother. I dont qualify for legal aid cuz they take his income cuz we are still inving in the same house. I feel in my heart that he may change his mind and not go thru with this. I have prayed to God and read the bible daily. When I have turned my issues to God in the past he has helped me out. I hope he can help with this one. I am a stay at home mom and if this goes thru I have no income no nothing. He claims he has weight the pros and cons of that.I dont believe that. If he knows that I wont have a income how can he do this to me if he loves me? If anyone has some advise or words of wisdom that would be great!


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

> He says he wants a divorce cuz he will never be able to trust me again. I believe over time that time heals the pain. I am rebuliding the trust but he still says he wont be able to trust me 100%.



Why doesn't he trust you ? Did you cheat on him ?


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

K1,

What caused this to happen?


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

When we were sperated I had a bf. When we were dated I did and the 2nd yr of marriage. He says he forgave me for those. he never talked about me braking his trust back then. so,what makes this any different. Also I think he is burned out for some mental health issues I have had since 2009. I lost my dad in 2009 to suicde and I seemed to have spiraled after the loss of him. I feel that my husband is abanding me and not accepting my for my faults.He also says the more I talk about it and fighting the less likely things are to work out. What does that mean? I am confused


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

So you had a boyfriend during the 2nd year of marriage?

The only advice I have is to not plead and beg. It will just make things worse. Try to be the best you can be. You mention he won't accept you for your faults. Well work on those faults. Show him you want to make things work, but don't push and don't argue.

It would be nice if you could convince him to seek counseling with you. If he says he doesn't trust you 6 years after you had a affair it sounds more like a excuse to leave to me. Otherwise this would have been an issue much sooner then that.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

He was busting his a$$ while you sit home and bang your BF ! 

Why do you want him back ? Because of $$$$$ ? Of course !

I hope he is a man with pants and nuts !


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> I am a stay at home mom and if this goes thru I have no income no nothing. He claims he has weight the pros and cons of that. I dont believe that. If he knows that I wont have a income how can he do this to me if he loves me?


Because you did this 



k12171976 said:


> When we were sperated I had a bf. When we were dated I did and the 2nd yr of marriage.


Your husband deserves someone better, who will always be faithful and loyal.


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Island of the Dumped Spouses


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Island of the Dumped Spouses
> 
> 
> A++ said:
> ...


You should come visit sometime. I run a bar on the south side of the island. Though there are some shady characters who frequent the place, BigMac being one of them , so be prepared!

And for the ladies I've installed multiple stripper poles. For exercise purposes of course 
Though my insurance demands I keep constant watch in case of accidents


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

BigMac-
I want him back cuz we ave 2 kids and I dont want to be a single parent. I was raised by a single parent and it was not pretty. the kids deserve their mom to get healthy and for me to be the best mom I can be.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> BigMac-
> I want him back cuz we ave 2 kids and I dont want to be a single parent. I was raised by a single parent and it was not pretty. the kids deserve their mom to get healthy and for me to be the best mom I can be.



Why didn't you thought about your kids when you banged your BF ?


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> BigMac-
> I want him back cuz we ave 2 kids and I dont want to be a single parent. I was raised by a single parent and it was not pretty. the kids deserve their mom to get healthy and for me to be the best mom I can be.


Right.

So, forget about your husband and fix yourself.

You are a serial cheater, at the very least.

There comes a point in everyone's life where they must grow up.

Looks like your time has come.


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

@ Nowhwere-
When he and I dated 12 yrs ago,I havebeen unfaithful and in our 2nd yr of marriage as well. He forgave me for those at never at that time did he mention anything about me breaking trust and that he would never be able to trust me again? But now it seems to be a big issue ? I dont get it.

I think he is afraid of working on the pain and hurt that I have caused him and dealing with some innercore issues that he might have. He says he is fearful I would be unfaithful again. I told him that is old behavior and I have learned from my mistakes. He makes me feel like I am a horrible person for what I did....I keep telling him not to dwelll on the past. The past is the past and it cant be changesd. I tell him to focus on thepresent moment and dont look too far in the future. I feel lke he is making excuses to want out of this marriage. If he leaves this marriage he leave me and the kids. I feel he would abandone me and the kids. I would find it very hard to reamin friends with him.I would have hatred for him. I feel be him filing papers has made the situation worse than the actions I did. I feel he is putting a wedge in this family that does not need to be. Alot of marriages have bumps in the road and they get thru them. Why cant he?


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

He is afraid because you won't stop ... EVER !

He forgave you twice hopping you'll change , respect him and won't do it again ! 

And to be thankful for his trust and love what did you do ? Cheated again ! 

Hope your BFs will help you out with your kids !


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Are you in counseling?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what happened leading up to July? He just out of the blue one day filed divorce papers? Are you doing anything now to work on your mental health issues?

Your best chance to turn things around now is to show that you're serious about taking ownership of your issues, and working to resolve them. 

C


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

HappyKaty-
Yes I am in counseling. I have made inprovements already. I think that the meds that I have been on played a part in what I did.they clouded my thinking.I have this disorder where the person can be impulsive,reckless,emotionally disregrelated,verbally and emotionally abusive.I have not done this behavior since I have started counseling and I will continue not to do this. I have begain weaning off my meds and I am feeling better than ever!


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

Pbear-
He had metioned that he wanted a divorce in March. I knew he wasnt able to do that cuz he could not afford it. But he asked his brother for money. How sad is that ? Yes,for my MH issues I go to counseling once a week and I attend a depression support grp once a week


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> HappyKaty-
> Yes I am in counseling. I have made inprovements already. I think that the meds that I have been on played a part in what I did.they clouded my thinking.I have this disorder where the person can be impulsive,reckless,emotionally disregrelated,verbally and emotionally abusive.I have not done this behavior since I have started counseling and I will continue not to do this. I have begain weaning off my meds and I am feeling better than ever!


That's great!

Continue to focus on you.

Begging for him to give your marriage a chance is only going to push him further away.

He has to see the changes you've made, but please believe YOU will never be able to make him see it.

Your actions will prove it.

Love yourself and your children.

The rest will fall in place.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

k12171976 said:


> Pbear-
> He had metioned that he wanted a divorce in March. I knew he wasnt able to do that cuz he could not afford it. But he asked his brother for money. How sad is that ? Yes,for my MH issues I go to counseling once a week and I attend a depression support grp once a week


My point is, what led up to him deciding he wanted a divorce? Was there a fight? An incident? Or did he just say it out of the blue one day?

BTW, you should also investigate your own legal counsel. Look for free services like Legal Aid, or law school services. Start figuring out what your rights are, if the divorce does go through. Don't let him think that he can just walk away without meeting his responsibilities. 

And have you checked to make sure there's not someone else in the picture?

C


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

All this pleading with him and rationalizing with him will get you no where. You can't control his actions. Only he can. 

I pleaded and begged my wife not to leave me. I said all kinds of things. One being that all marriages hit bumps in the road and you have to work through them, but no matter how much I analyzed the situation, no matter how much I rationalized with her, no matter how much my heart ached for her not to leave me, no matter what I said or thought. In the end I couldn't control what she did.

The point is no matter what you say he is going to do what he wants to do. Your best course of action is to just show him you are a great person by your actions. And you do this by being a strong, dependable and good person inside and out. 

You are right you can not go back 6 years and undo what you did, but from what you have told me I don't think that is the reason he is truly leaving you. It is only the reason he is giving you to do what he has already set his mind to do. Otherwise this would of happened 6 years ago. He didn't all of a sudden after 6 years decide. "She cheated on me 6 years ago and I don't trust her". Unless of course you have been doing things to make him suspicious it is happening again? Or worse you are cheating again?

Katy is right. For the sake of your child and yourself. Take this time to work on yourself. Look deep into yourself and be open and honest about your faults. Write them down and read them every day and go over what you will do that day to fix them. You will become a happier person, more independent and in better control of your life. Your husband will see these changes and sense them in you. He may or may not come back to you, but again there is no reason to dwell on something you can't fix. It only will make things worse for you and make you depressed.


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

I know there is no one else in the picture. He isnt that type.I am working on myself by going to counseling. He says he sees the changes and improvements. So actions do speak louder than words. I have check into legal aid and I dont quilify. I cant afford a attorney. So I dont know what will happen if this does go father.

I feel likes he judges my behavior each day. I sense that he judges as to if the house is picked up and dinner is ready. I feel like I am a little kid and not his wife...I am so frusterated.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

My wife wasn't the type either. 

As far as the Lawyer you can consult with some lawyers free of charge. If you have no income they can make your Husband pay for it. After all in most states everything you two own is split down the middle. Also there are divorce attorneys that provide help Pro Bono, but usually you will get a Law student straight out of school.

You will just have to go through the phonebook and call around.


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

Pbear-
We seperated last fall. I then began dating someone else. That is what triggered the filing


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

@Nowhere-
Yes, i am thinking of asking my husband to pay for the lawyer.I have checked into divorce lawyers that might provide pro bono and there are non.I am a little weay of of getting a law student out of law school. I called around and have not had any luck. I told him i would only agree to mediation if he would pay for it.. I asked him about this a month ago and I have not heard anything.The last time we were in court was in Sept and we have not taken any more steps in the divorce process. I wonder if that is normal?


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Why were you in court back in Sept?


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

i dunno.The judge would recommend the best thing for us to choose to work out so it would not have to go to court


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Why don't you get a job like everyone else ?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

k12171976 said:


> Pbear-
> We seperated last fall. I then began dating someone else. That is what triggered the filing


Ok... So now why did you separate last fall? And when did you start "dating someone"? Did the two of you have a discussion about what was going to take place while you were separated? As in, were you trying to work things out, or was the marriage over then?

You may also want to start looking at making yourself marketable in the workforce, as well as child care options. How long have you been a stay at home mom? Did you have a career before?

C


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> He had mentioned that he wanted a divorce in March. I knew he wasnt able to do that cuz
> he could not afford it.


You knew that your husband wasn't afforded a divorce, right!
Do you continue cheating him after March?


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

A++ said:


> Do you continue cheating him after March?


I bet five bucks she is !


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

I am a stay at home mom. That is my job.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> I am a stay at home mom. That is my job.


That job will likely not suffice after the divorce.


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

We still lived in the same house when we were seperated. during that time we did not talk about what te next step would be. I have been a stay at home mom since 2008. Kind of hard to find a job when being at home is your job. Plus I go to counseling 2x/week


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> We still lived in the same house when we were seperated. during that time we did not talk about what te next step would be. I have been a stay at home mom since 2008. Kind of hard to find a job when being at home is your job. Plus I go to counseling 2x/week


The fact remains that you're holding on to what was and what could be.

You have to assume he is divorcing you, because well, he said he is.

How are you going to support you and your children?


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> I am a stay at home mom. That is my job.



Is cheating included into your "job" or was added to your duties on a later stage ?

Now he fired you from your "job" , is this why expect severance package ( money for lawyer ) and retirement money ( alimony ) ?


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

No it isnt in my job,Yup, I expect to get all of that .He is a emotional train wreck who is taking the easy way out and not dealing with the issues at hand. He is abandoning his family and kids. HE was like many yrs down the road we can get back together. What the hel is he thinking. I told him it is now or never to work on things, There is no taking him back.He made his bed not he has to lay in it with the decisions he has made


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

You cheated on him while you were dating, then again 2 years into the marriage, and then you separated about 6 months ago and you screwed some other guy again.

Has he ever been with another woman this entire time that you were with all those guys?

I bet the answer is no.

So you've got a loyal devoted husband, and yes you've got some marriage problems but he's been there for you and all you think about is another penis.

Of course he doesn't trust you, and so what that he seemed to forgive you for the first few times, he obviously never got over it and that's understandable.

Your reasons for staying with him include "you don't want to be a single mother and your kids need their mom to be healthy"

So go get healthy without him. You have betrayed him repeatedly, you have broken your marital vows, it's not up to him to be there for you anymore.

He wants out, let him go and stop thinking for yourself, until you do, don't fool yourself, you haven't learned a damn thing.


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

I have learned from my mistakes. If he never got over it this should have happened along time ago..He failed to do that . He broke vows to : through sickness and health until death do us apart. He never cared about me.He just did not want to be alone.There were issues all alone and they were never worked on and this is his way of working on it? That is ****ed up.I dont care,he can be misrable the rest of his life but dont he dare let it affect the kids which I know he will. I am thinking about myself. I am not being selfish. I am getting healthy to be ther for the kids which he has never been. I have been the sole carataker of the kids NOT him.HE does not know how to be a parent of a husband..He does not communicate or admit when he is wrong.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> @ Nowhwere-
> When he and I dated 12 yrs ago,I havebeen unfaithful and in our 2nd yr of marriage as well. He forgave me for those at never at that time did he mention anything about me breaking trust and that he would never be able to trust me again? But now it seems to be a big issue ? I dont get it.
> 
> I think he is afraid of working on the pain and hurt that I have caused him and dealing with some innercore issues that he might have. He says he is fearful I would be unfaithful again. I told him that is old behavior and I have learned from my mistakes. He makes me feel like I am a horrible person for what I did....I keep telling him not to dwelll on the past. The past is the past and it cant be changesd. I tell him to focus on thepresent moment and dont look too far in the future. I feel lke he is making excuses to want out of this marriage. If he leaves this marriage he leave me and the kids. I feel he would abandone me and the kids. I would find it very hard to reamin friends with him.I would have hatred for him. I feel be him filing papers has made the situation worse than the actions I did. I feel he is putting a wedge in this family that does not need to be. Alot of marriages have bumps in the road and they get thru them. Why cant he?


Forgive doesn't mean forget.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> I have learned from my mistakes. If he never got over it this should have happened along time ago..He failed to do that . He broke vows to : through sickness and health until death do us apart. He never cared about me.He just did not want to be alone.There were issues all alone and they were never worked on and this is his way of working on it? That is ****ed up.I dont care,he can be misrable the rest of his life but dont he dare let it affect the kids which I know he will. I am thinking about myself. I am not being selfish. I am getting healthy to be ther for the kids which he has never been. I have been the sole carataker of the kids NOT him.HE does not know how to be a parent of a husband..He does not communicate or admit when he is wrong.


I think you are being selfish and unreasonable. You cheated on him, TWICE and you have the nerve to talk about him breaking his vows!? IMO, its a mistake when your do it once. When you continue to engage in the same mistake, then its a lifestyle.

Him being miserably married to a cheater, is not healthy for the children either. Actually, sets a bad example for them.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Memento said:


> Forgive doesn't mean forget.


And I doubt he will ever forget, but it still does'nt make sense why it would not be a problem for 6 years! then all of a sudden it is. Nope its more likely he wants out and when asked why this was something he could use as a reason. Or she is doing things to make him think its happening again, but I doubt it _is_ the reason all of a sudden. Maybe its the icing on the cake and there are many other reasons we just don't know about.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

NoWhere said:


> And I doubt he will ever forget, but it still does'nt make sense why it would not be a problem for 6 years! then all of a sudden it is. Nope its more likely he wants out and when asked why this was something he could use as a reason. Or she is doing things to make him think its happening again, but I doubt it _is_ the reason all of a sudden. Maybe its the icing on the cake and there are many other reasons we just don't know about.


Perhaps he thought that time would make things easier. I don't know. But most likely, it is a combination of several issues.


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

NEver forgetting it not going to get him anywhere.Yes, That is what I am confused about to. It not being a problem 12yrs and 6yrs ago and now all of a sudden it is. I think this is a cop out from him. He just does not want to work out the issues and stuff them inside and pretend this never happened? Usually the couple would try marriage counseling and if that does not work then take the final step. It just does not make sense why he skipped that part. He is hurting the kids by not working on the issues and not forgiving and working on letting go of the past. He says he has and that he has moved on. "moved on"??? What the hell does that mean.Hard to move on when you are still in a relationship. How can you"move on" in a yrs time with 12 yrs of memories?


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> I have learned from my mistakes. If he never got over it this should have happened along time ago.


Wrong. There is no time limit to get over a deceptive cheating spouse's affair. ESPECIALLY given that you've done this at least 3 times during the course of your relationship with him. 



k12171976 said:


> He broke vows to : through sickness and health until death do us apart.


Wrong. You broke them first by allowing another man's penis inside your body. His breaking of the vows is in direct response to you doing the same thing only much worse. 



k12171976 said:


> He never cared about me.


Wrong. Of course he cared about you. That's just silly. That's your way of shifting the problems to him. Did you tell the guys you cheated on him with that he doesn't care about you and that's why you're screwing them instead of him?



k12171976 said:


> He just did not want to be alone.


True. Most people don't want to be alone. You don't want him to leave you because YOU don't want to be alone and have to raise your kids on your own.



k12171976 said:


> There were issues all alone and they were never worked on and this is his way of working on it?


Yes. He chooses to walk away from you and the issues. You choose to go screw other people. We all have our own ways of dealing or not dealing with our problems. It's not wrong or right, just different.



k12171976 said:


> That is ****ed up.I dont care,he can be misrable the rest of his life


You obviously don't care about him anymore. 



k12171976 said:


> but dont he dare let it affect the kids which I know he will.


Yes, children are always adversely affected by divorce to some degree. 



k12171976 said:


> I am thinking about myself.


Of course you are.



k12171976 said:


> I am not being selfish.


Of course you are.



k12171976 said:


> I am getting healthy to be ther for the kids


Great. You don't need him to be healthy.



k12171976 said:


> I have been the sole carataker of the kids NOT him.HE does not know how to be a parent of a husband..He does not communicate or admit when he is wrong.


So then you're better off without him. 

Good luck!


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

3 times Memento. That she has admitted too.

Another woman having multiple affairs wanting and expecting to suck him dry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

I am usually very understanding. And I am usually the one who always reminds people, that everyone can make a mistake and deserves a second chance. 

I am sorry, I just find very hard to have empathy for someone who dishonored their spouse with several men. 

You did not change. Because when you found an opportunity, you cheated on him. 

If you want that man back, you have to make serious changes i your life and regarding your attitude. And even then, it is not guaranteed that he will return home.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Thoreau said:


> 3 times Memento. That she has admitted too.
> 
> Another woman having multiple affairs wanting and expecting to suck him dry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Ouch! I feel sorry for him and for the children.


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

I do care about him. I love him uncondtionally. He does not believe that . He wants to be friends with me after and I told him I dont care to be. I have alot of hatred toward him. I am human people make mistakes. I feel that he is holdin this over my head. That isnt fair to me. He is acting like I am a crimnal.Who the hell does he think he is? GOD? Far from it.He nees to turn his problems over to GOD and he will lead the way from him. HE says the more I talk about it and agre the less likely it is for things to work out. What does that mean? That ihe is constanley judgeing me.That is not fair


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> I do care about him. I love him uncondtionally. He does not believe that . He wants to be friends with me after and I told him I dont care to be. I have alot of hatred toward him. I am human people make mistakes. I feel that he is holdin this over my head. That isnt fair to me. He is acting like I am a crimnal.Who the hell does he think he is? GOD? Far from it.He nees to turn his problems over to GOD and he will lead the way from him. HE says the more I talk about it and agre the less likely it is for things to work out. What does that mean? That ihe is constanley judgeing me.That is not fair



You love him, but you feel "hatred towards him"? You love him, but you cheated on him 3 times? That does not make sense.
You should have remembered what God, said about adultery before you cheated.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> I feel that he is holdin this over my head.


No, it sounds like he gave you the reason he no longer wants to be with you and he's finished. 



k12171976 said:


> HE says the more I talk about it and agre the less likely it is for things to work out. What does that mean?


It means he's done talking and he's finished.



k12171976 said:


> He nees to turn his problems over to GOD and he will lead the way from him.


Yet another person who refuses to acknowledge their mistakes, writes them off as being acceptable because "hey they're only human", and turns to some invisible bearded dude in the sky to fix the mess they created.

Life isn't fair.

Get used to it.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

3 times that she has admitted. How many times, really?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

Yeah I know life isnt fair. The actions/behavior I did in the past are do to some mental health issues I have. I was not being skillful when I did those things. They say some people stray from a relationship when they are not connected and emotionally and physically there which he was not


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

3x's is all that I did


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

k12171976 you have to try and see his point of view. He feels you have betrayed him before many times. From the sound of your posts you blame him for everything without taking much of the blame yourself. Saying he doesn't know how to take care of kids , doesn't communicate, never admits when he is wrong etc.. Its obvious you belittle him and talk down to him blaming him for most everything. So he decides he will be happier away from you. He has to listen to you begging and pleading over and over trying to change his mind. which drives him away further.

If you are saying the things you are posting here to him and acting like you are here. There is no doubt he will continue on this path. 

I understand you can't change the past and what you did, but if you ever want a future with this guy you need to look hard in the mirror and fix some things. Quit blaming him for everything. You do not control him only yourself. Just because he leaves or even files for divorce that does not mean the relationship is over for good, but if you continue on this path it will be.

Make yourself someone any man would want to be with. A great caring, strong, independent person who's fun to be around and dependable, loving. These things are attractive to a guy. Whining, pleading, begging, blaming, finger pointing, nagging, crying etc. These will drive a guy away for sure.

Quit worrying what he is doing wrong and worry about you. Fix yourself and if he chooses to leave. Let him.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Skillful? I bet you were using all of your skill on the 3 penis' s that weren't your husbands.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> Yeah I know life isnt fair. The actions/behavior I did in the past are do to some mental health issues I have. I was not being skillful when I did those things. They say some people stray from a relationship when they are not connected and emotionally and physically there which he was not


You blame him, you blame your mental health issues.

You messed up.

You made a conscious choice to be with those other men and betray your husband and your marital vows.

*OWN IT.*

And realize he never got over it, he just buried it and that's understandable and he's been suffering for a long time because of your actions.

Who knows maybe if you finally accept responsibility and stop blame shifting he'll see a part of you he didn't realize existed and you might have a chance. Maybe not.

Either way it will be a positive step for you to take.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

"Whining, pleading, begging, blaming, finger pointing, nagging, crying etc. These will drive a guy away for sure." 

Unless that "guy" is really wanting the spouse back. 

Funny how it all works, right? 

Everything is opposites in this world, isn't it. 

If you're the left behind spouse, all these would make you cry. 

If you're the leaver, all these things will push you away.

PS> I just got into this thread really. BTW, YES, YOU NEED TO OWN YOUR SH.T! If you can't, don't expect anything good out of it. Plain and simple. No ownage, no happy. 

You have to be true to yourself, and then others. The only way to do this is to see that this (cheating)was ALL YOUR decisions! and until you get this sh.t under control and find out what you have to do to stop, you're just gonna continue to be a wrecking ball to relationships.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

k12171976 said:


> 3x's is all that I did


I'm torn between laughing, and saying something that will get me Banned For All Eternity.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I'm torn between laughing, and saying something that will get me Banned For All Eternity.


Yeah I saw that line about how it was "only 3x" as if it wasn't all that bad, and decided to let that one just pass right on by.

I mean what can you possibly say to a person who dismisses 3 other penises as if it's some sort of acceptable quota?

It was "only 3 times" it was "a long time ago", he "seemed to be over it and he really wasn't and that's NOT FAIR", it's "all because of my mental health issues", he's a "lousy father and husband", he "never cared", he "can be miserable forever" yet "I love him unconditionally".

I've read lots of stories, I've dealt with lots of people in my time, but I've seen few people functioning at such a low level of self awareness and self accountability.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

The only wonder is that it took her husband this long to bail.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

I bet she's really hot and it probably contributes to her sense of entitlement and justification.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Thoreau said:


> I bet she's really hot and it probably contributes to her sense of entitlement and justification.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's just crazy talk.























So why does it make sense in a way?


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

I do have accountability. I have owned up and are making changes forthe good. I have reviewed my past behavior and I saw where I went wrong. People do learn from the mistakes. It was just me that let this marriage hit rock bottom. He has some faults in this that he has yet to own up to.He says the other issues can be resolved but no this one. The others are just as important as this one.Our kids will know the truth when they get older that their father bailed on them and their mom.That does not look o nice if you ask me


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> Our kids will know the truth when they get older that their father bailed on them and their mom.That does not look o nice if you ask me


Just make sure when the kids are old enough to know the truth you make them aware that dad never had sex with anyone else besides their mom, however mom had sex with 3 different guys during the time mommy and daddy were married, and let them draw their own conclusions.

It's only..um.. "fair".


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

You brought this on, not him. If you are so concerned about him bailing on the kids then you leave, and let him have the kids.

You did this....not him. Let the kids be raised by the decent, morally secure partner.

Do it for the kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

I am asking for 50/50 custody.That is fair.I am not going to let him have the kids when he does not know how to be a parent.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

And its ok for someone to raise them who doesn't know how to be a decent human being?

Poor kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

The kids will be just fine. they know that both of their parents love them. I was raised by a single parent and it was not fun.Alot of bad memories. I dont want the kids to possibly go through the same thing


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

But you said you are going to tell them dad abandoned them???

Do the right thing and let them live with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

My wish is for him to realize that I am making postive changes within myself and in time his heart will heal it will be a long road to recovery and there is alot of work that needs to be resolved in this marriafe. I wish he would stand up and do the right thing and work together with me to get back on track for each other and the kids


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

He doesn't want to. He probably does not want to spend the rest of his life with a pin cushion.

Let him go and go have your own fun on your own dime.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

Nope. I believe he will have a change of heart and that may happen after the divorce. He should have realized that b4 he made a irrational decision


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

What???

HE made an irrational decision???

Was yourb decision to sleep around rational? Or did you accidently trip and fall on all those otherb penises?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

yes he mad a bad decision to walk out of the marriage and not try to work on things. Anything is possible to work on. He just wants to take the easy way out and put this behind him.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

He tried to do the right think all those years that he stayed, knowing what you did. Clearly, it did not work for him. Ultimately you have only yourself to blame for creating this mess. Most likely, if your had not cheated on him, he would not have walked out on you.
Another important detail is that he is divorcing you, not his children. He is done with you, not necessarily them.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

And what about your decision to hang an open for business sign below your navel?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## k12171976 (Dec 4, 2012)

I didnt hang a sign you dumbass. You guys should stop whipping out your ****s like candy..It is ok for guys to cheat but not girls? That is totally wrong.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> I didnt hang a sign you dumbass. You guys should stop whipping out your ****s like candy..It is ok for guys to cheat but not girls? That is totally wrong.



Where did anyone here say ijt was ok for men to cheat?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Its not OK for anyone to cheat, but yeah the cheap shots are getting old. Regardless of what you did you didn't come here to be harassed. 

I understand some people here are trying to get you to accept your hand in the falling out of your marriage and its obvious there are probably a lot of issues on both sides as there usually are.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

k12171976 said:


> I wish he would stand up and do the right thing and work together with me to get back on track for each other and the kids


You wish HE would stand up and do the right thing?

You're the one that was on your back with your legs in the air.

Three times.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Sometimes, you gotta pay for your mistakes. Just how the world is, there is no fairy tale land here.

I cheated, my wife took me back. She had every right to leave me and honestly, she still has every right to leave me now if she wants, even though we have 3 kids together.

Would I be sad, yes if she were to leave now. Not going to lie, I would probably blubber like a little baby (unless she cheated) but if that's what I get for cheating on her then that's my punishment.

He wants out, let him go. You never no, maybe he might come back after some time alone.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Here we have quotes from 2 people who have cheated on their spouses.

One of them has accepted full responsibility for their mistakes, they do not blame others, they have learned, they have grown, and they are in a better place.

One of them has a ways to go yet.

See if you can tell which is which.



CH said:


> Would I be sad, yes if she were to leave now. Not going to lie, I would probably blubber like a little baby (unless she cheated) but if that's what I get for cheating on her then that's my punishment.





k12171976 said:


> I have alot of hatred toward him. I am human people make mistakes. I feel that he is holdin this over my head. That isnt fair to me. He is acting like I am a crimnal.Who the hell does he think he is? GOD?




oƃ oʇ ʎɐʍ ƃuol ɐ sɐɥ ǝuo puoɔǝs ǝɥʇ puɐ ǝɔuǝıɹǝdxǝ ǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ pǝuɹɐǝl sɐɥ oɥʍ uosɹǝd ǝɥʇ sı ǝʇonb ʇsɹıɟ ǝɥʇ


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