# Is she possibly cheating?



## clintbrodery (Aug 13, 2020)

I think I need advice. I don't know what's going on and to be honest, I need help. We are not married. Engaged, with two loving kids.

We met 15 years ago. She was my first girlfriend. I was her third boyfriend ever. Our beginnings were great. Passion, love, sex. Everything.

We moved together a year later. In a one bedroom tiny appartment. Everything was cool. She didn't have many friends so we would be together all the time, except when she was at work. We gave each other rings so we were "engaged" but never got married. It was symbolic. But I knew she wanted to get married one day. Which I wanted to. Years passed and we moved to different, bigger appartments.

Sex was good but after a few years, it went away. We had sex maybe once a week but then it became once a month, once every 2 months... All the time I was trying to initiate. Nope. Always a different excuse.

A few years later, we bought our first house. We decided to have our first child. She gave birth to our daughter. After a few years, we sold the house and moved to a new one.

Then she added this guy on facebook. A guy she went to school with him. A single dude. Saw from the corner of my eyes that she was texting him. Started asking questions.. who are you talking to? "oh I'm talking my sister about xyz". Started asking questions. She put a password on her computer and on her phone. Long story short, she didn't change her facebook password so I logged in while she was at work. Yep, they were talking. Everyday. I read everything. They both initiated the chat. Innocent texting but the guy was clearly into her and was obviously trying to get her. I was pissed off. The trust was breached because, even if they weren't talking about shocking stuff, she lied to me. She didn't cheat. But she lied. He asked her to send photos. She sent face selfies. Phew! But then she told him to send pictures to a email address I didn't know about! Then she said to him that she doesn't go out very often and gave him her phone number ending with three dots. I went crazy and I made some dumb excuse about stumnbling upon this when I was "packet sniffing the network" (good one.. lol). I waited until she came home, logged on to her facebook and showed her the chat log. She didn't say a word. She was speechless at first. Then she told me that I was paranoid and changed all of her passwords. I made threats of leaving because I believe this was obviously the start of an emotional affair. Let the dust settle down. Weeks passed by and they stopped talking ot each other. Other guy found a new girlfriend and is now engaged. I've put this all behind me but the trust was (and still is) fragile. Why? Because she lied. I became paranoid because of this and the lies.

Fast forward a few years later. We had our second child. Sex was once every 3-4 months. She told me that maybe if we got married we would have sex more often! I honestly don't believe her. We agreed on not having a third child. She didn't take the pill. I really didn't want a third kid so I ended up having a vasectomy in the hope we had sex more often. Nope. No change at all.

Fast forward to present day. Nothing has changed. Sex once every 4-5 months and I'm always the one who initiates it. I am under the impression that she doesn't want me to see her phone. Ringer is always off. Notifications are sent to her watch I gave her on her birthday. Oh and she doesn't even buy me birthday or christmas gifts. She made me a cake but didn't put icing on it, she told me to do it myself. I feel miserable. She say she's faithful yet she doesn't want to give me her phone password. She told me that she gave me once and I don't remeber so that's my problem. She gave me her computer password but deleted her facebook password from the autocomplete thingy.

Recently it seems that she started caring more about her appearance. New hair color, new clothes (tighter clothes she never wanted to wear before), started doing her nails, started posting a lot on facebook and instagram. Started waxing, shaving more than often, new underwear, new bras. Told her Hey you bought new bras? And she replied Are you spying on me??? Even when she's not working she spends entire days shopping. Leaves the house at 10 then won't be back before 5. All this time for one or two bags of ****? Also she disabled her facebook location and online status and told me that it was because I was being paranoid so she disabled it. Geez, I can't deal with insecurities like this. She lied to me in the past with that muscular douche. Told her I won't forget.

Today we fighted about her cluttering. She told me that I'm ****ing annoying. Out of anger earlier tonight I told her well what do you want? do you want me to sell the house and we part ways or what? she said do it!

Next day, came back from work early. She was sitting outside on her phone. We talked a bit and the conversation turned into an argument. Then she told me out of the blue that she wasn't sure she loved me anymore. We fight sometimes, we disagree on things, we agree on other, we're a good team taking care of our 7yo and 9yo kids. I didn't expect that.

I asked for details. Explanations. She said she wants time for herself and that she's tired of putting everyone and everything before herself. The spark isn't there anymore like it was back in the days and sex isn't as good as it was when we were young rabbits (duh! she rejected me so much before that I stopped trying).

Asked if she loved me, she said I don't know. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Apparently she was thinking about it for a while (a year) but things got clearer in the last few months. Asked if there was someone else, she said no.

She never told me anything about this. Except for the usual complains I made (lack of sex, lack of discipline in chores, lack of patience with our kids), I was a loving bf and a great dad.

Also she said I used to falsely accuse her of being unfaithful and having an affair (yeah the guy she was texting with a few years earlier) and it broke the trust and saddened her that I thought about this. I know... when I saw her on her phone, I would "joke" hey stop texting to hot guys. Many times a day. Many times a week. Many times a months. I would punch myself in the face if someone else was doing that to me.

Then she talked about sex. Told me I last less than 10 minutes and she can't feel a thing and it aint even fun.

Before penetration, I make sure to get her to orgasm with my tongue. Seems that it's not enough.

I can't last for more than 10-15 minutes. It's not enough for her!

She told me that we were at a crossroad and that sex isn't working for us and she is contemplating leaving. A few weeks ago, she told me that sex wasn't important and that she could live without sex without any issue. She even told me that she had LL and maybe was asexual! Now she's telling me that she wants to leave me because of bad sex?

Everyday when I came back from work I would hug her and kiss her. I told her that I loved her everyday. I cared for her.
Told her it saddens me that she didn't tell me a word about it and that it deeply saddens me that our relationship might end. She told me that it saddens her too. I asked her then what we do??? She said she don't know. I said Well why would be stay together if you don't love me? I didn't say I don't love you!

Next day. I felt so bad. She came at me and hugged me. I couldn't hold it. I cried in front of her and told her about my insecurities and the fact that I absolutely love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. We ended up hugging and kissing. Both of us looking in our eyes and kissing. She told me that she wanted that too and she loved me. Perfect way to end the day. I explained my fears, my concerns and my expectations about transparency and honesty. Sincere conversation, gazing, love was there.

Then today. She couldn't leave her phone. Was laughing at something. "Whats so funny?". Nothing, she said. Then she locked herself in the bathroom with her phone. Locked herself in our bedroom with her phone. Obviously something on her phone made her laugh. But she got angry. Told me I was annoying as ****. Explained her that we must be transparent to each other and no more secrets. May I see your phone? "Why???". Then did my whole speach about transparency and honesty. She told me wow so you don't trust me at all. then said "I don't think we will spend the rest of our lives together. love is ephemeral. nobody knows what could happen". Ok so why are you always putting your phone on silent, screen facing down, and you dont give it to me when I'm asking? I said Okay than if you don't care why don't your give me your phone??? She unlocked it, cleared notifications and angrily threw it at me saying **** you. Told her that I didn't forget about the time she texted that muscular douche behind my back. Why is she hiding her phone every time I enter the room. Ask me to go check out our kid, take it to look at it and hides it back???

Honestly I don't get it at all. What is going on? I don't know what to think/do. I feel so bad. I love her, I want our family to stay a family, but this hit me hard in the face. Is it because I am paranoid? Am I right to be paranoid? Am I completely crazy or simply well gaslighted?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@clintbrodery , sorry you are here. 
Something is not right and you need to get to the bottom of it, you have played your hand by showing you are suspicious of her.
What type of place does she work? I would suggest you back off for now and quit calling her out or spying on her that she will know off. Go into stealth mode and start writing down what she says, note her behavior. Suscpicious activity with phone, etc but don't confront her. If possible put a VAR in her car, eyes wide open, mouth shut.
Act normal while you are in stealth mode. Try to get you mind of it, go out with friends, start exercising, etc. See what you discover.
It could be that she is cheating, or it could also be that the marriage has become stale and you and she need to consider working together to get back on track.
How much quality time do you spend together without kids?
How many time do you take her on a date?
Do you buy her gifts, just because?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

clintbrodery said:


> Honestly I don't get it at all. What is going on?


Yes, you do "get it", and you know very well what's going on.

Whatever else you do, do not marry this woman. What you wrote is smack off the pages of the "Cheater's Handbook". You have been completely and totally gaslighted, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not paranoid. You are normal. You have been lied to before, and you are being lied to now.

10-15 minutes should be long enough to produce another orgasm, or maybe even 2 more. The problem here is, that she DOESN'T WANT sex with you. If you lasted 10 hours, it wouldn't be enough......

My advice is this..... just get out. You aren't married to her. You don't want to be married to her with all that broken trust. It will NEVER come back, unless she gets plugged in and completely transparent with you. Find a way that you can co-parent your children in the most healthy way possible. Find another woman who wants to have sex with you and wants to be a morally-upright, trustworthy life partner.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

In regard to your question ... *Is she possibly cheating?

Well, DUHH!*


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Hey! Thanks for sharing that with us. Honestly, I think she's definitely having an emotional affair, maybe not cheating...yet. That's why she's no longer invested in the relationship with you, because her mind and emotion is elsewhere, not with you. She clearly has no respect for boundaries, or else she would have stopped hiding the phone. I would also say put a VAR somewhere to see if she's having inappropriate conversations with other people. I'll tell you, my husband always says social media ruins relationships, and reading all of these posts, I'm starting to see that too. Maybe it's time she get off social media, if she is willing to. It doesn't seem like it though.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Get it ...... Admit it

Those two phrases sound alike but mean totally different things.

You definitely “Get it”. The problem is that your not ready to “Admit it”.

You past inaction with the first guy has set up the present foundation that you will just take it up the a$$ with no problem.

You already have an endless list of red flags that look like the index list from “The Cheaters Handbook”.

Don’t forget to keep getting her better places to live and paying for those shopping trips.

DUDE......WAKE UP !!!!!!


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

The cheating is beside the point. Even if there is no cheating, you are unhappy in the marriage and so is she.

She is not hiding her unhappiness. She has acted that way for a long time. I doubt she has been cheating the whole time since the first time you caught her, when the marriage fell apart. I believe she is cheating now. Main reason is secrecy of phone and increased grooming and sexier clothes and missing time on shopping trips. Those three reasons, to me, results in it being about 90% probability of cheating.

As you said, she lied about the muscular guy (I would call it an emotional affair).

You are wondering why she is going hot and cold with you. She is confused. She has values. Her values are to be monogamous and honest. She was able to lie to you about muscular guy because she rationalized it wasn't cheating (not sexual or romantic) and that she thought you'd go crazy if you found out. Truth is she was feeling/wanting this guy but did not overtly act on it, but she let him go on and on and she enjoyed the attention.

Then she stayed with you but was treading water. Same as you. You both were treading water in that marriage.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

She is hitting all the indicators listed in Cheaters 101.

First step....DNA the kids. I know you look on them as yours no matter the results. But that would be definite confirmation of cheating if one or both are not yours.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Yes, she has checked out of the relationship.
Yes, she is cheating on you emotionally at least. At this point, it is probably physical as well.
You know what you want. I'll give you options either way.
If you want to stay, study up and implement the 180.
Get some new clothes, new hairstyle, new cologne, etc. Focus on self improvement.
Spend more time with friends and cultivate new friend groups.
Engage them, without her.
Be father of the year. She gets dry ice.
Get DNA tests done on the kids. It sets a tone that you need to create if you even have a minimal chance.
She needs to see you pulling away. She needs to see that she no longer is in control.
She sees you as a "Plan B." You need to eliminate her safety net. She needs to see that you are unwilling to be a default option.
I give this maybe a 10% chance of success. I think she's gone. Even if you fall in the 10%, You both would probably need some intensive counseling, and much hard work to make things work. Is she worth it?
Your best play, since it appears you are not married, is to have a custody agreement drawn up, divide things up, and move on with your life. Looks like she has.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

She was my first girlfriend.....

Maybe not but this is often a red flag on your part.

Do you have self value or perhaps you think you were lucky to just get a woman to like you?


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

*I cried in front of her and told her about my insecurities and the fact that I absolutely love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her.*

_Under the circumstances (her pulling away and the inappropriate secret texting/relationships), crying and pleading does not work. In fact, it has the opposite impact. In her state of mind, she sees your tears (and fear of loosing her) as weakness and a free pass to continue her inappropriate behavior._


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Sorry buddy, not only is she cheating, …She has been cheating for a long time. 

Further, you have allowed too much because you are insecure and weak and inexperienced. 

The real question is, why do you want to stay with a woman that has been cheating on you for a long time. 

And yeah, you need to DNA test your kids like last year. 

For my money, file for joint custody, grow a pair and move on already....


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Man are you settling. You need to get some more experience, your first girlfriend kinda sucks. Honestly dude you are not married. You should have dumped her as soon as you stopped having sex years ago. This is one of those cases where without any experience you didn't know there is MUCH better out there. Well there is.

And unfortunately I have to reiterate this. DNA test your kids.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

clintbrodery said:


> Honestly I don't get it at all. What is going on? I don't know what to think/do.


Yes you do. You've been deluding yourself for years. I'll assume you've kept your head buried in the sand because it felt so nice and warm around your ears.

Why on earth you chose to stay and have another kid with someone who has clearly shown you over and over and over and over and over and over how she DOESN'T respect you is a mystery for the ages.

Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Yes you do. You've been deluding yourself for years. I'll assume you've kept your head buried in the sand because it felt so nice and warm around your ears.
> 
> Why on earth you chose to stay and have another kid with someone who has clearly shown you over and over and over and over and over and over how she DOESN'T respect you is a mystery for the ages.
> 
> Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting.


What makes you think HE HAD KIDS WITH HER???? 

Sounds like the odds of that are pretty low.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

BluesPower said:


> What makes you think HE HAD KIDS WITH HER????
> 
> Sounds like the odds of that are pretty low.


LOL...this?

*"Fast forward a few years later. We had our second child...."*


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

You know damn good and well what is going on. What you are experiencing is classic cheater. Get her phone, hack it, and you will likely find a treasure trove of communications between her and her AP. My next question is why do you tolerate this situation and let her walk all over you.

Be a man! Take charge and decide if you are going to wallow in misery or live and thrive.


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## clintbrodery (Aug 13, 2020)

Hey everyone,

First of all, thanks for the replies. I'll take the time to reply layer today because I'm at work.

As for the DNA test, I have absolutely no doubts. They both are replicas of me!

Later!


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

clintbrodery said:


> Hey everyone,
> 
> First of all, thanks for the replies. I'll take the time to reply layer today because I'm at work.
> 
> ...


Yeah, maybe, there is a whole school of thought on this. Test them, just make sure. 

I really hope you are right about that part though, because as far as her cheating, it really could not be much worse unless she is actually an escort...


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

clintbrodery said:


> Hey everyone,
> 
> First of all, thanks for the replies. I'll take the time to reply layer today because I'm at work.
> 
> ...


I can't tell you the times we have heard that. I know the idea is gruesome but test them anyway. Better for them to find out now then years later. Read some stories about people who find out when they are adults they feel like their whole lives are a lie.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Just read your thread.
Conclusion:
She’s been cheating for years.
She hasn’t been in love with you for years.
You aren’t getting sex, you aren’t getting love, you aren’t getting anything from this woman. 
You love her, you don’t want anyone else, you are wanting the emotional safety net being in a relationship gives you. Only one thing to do here, move on. You won’t like it. But hey, it’s not like you’re liking what you have now.
she is too much wanting the safety net you provide, so she won’t leave you.

seriously, the only thing to do here is leave. She flipped the switch on you years ago. Emotionally, she could care less if you lived or died.

if you are a healthy man, I assure you that there are other women to be with.
You’ve been very weak to have stayed with her through years of sexless, loveless marriage. She should be begging you to stay, not the other way around.

get out.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

There really is no relationship with you.

her energy seems to be going to someone else.

move out - get half custody of your kids(after dna testing them) and start a life with someone that actually participated in a kind and loving way!

she’s been checked out for most of the union... get professional help to find out why you stay when someone isn’t treating you right!

Leave her today. One more day with someone betraying you is a day you allow yourself to be treated like crap... and that’s just wrong.

tell her you are done. Done with her - and she can go be unfaithful and unkind to someone else!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

One reason why DNA tests are important is because some women in order to hurt their spouse will pretend they aren't the father of the children.

DNA tests put a stop to that.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

clintbrodery said:


> Asked if she loved me, she said I don't know. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.


When a woman sez she doesn't know if she love you, it means she doesn't love you. Ain't no going back from where your are now my man. You can honestly start referring to her as your future ex-girlfriend. Think of it like this. When a woman has a horse she use to ride every day or every other day drops the exercise to twice a month, then to once a month, you can conclude she's no longer gets a charge out of riding that horse. You're that horse Dawg.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She’s obviously been bored for awhile. And she’s found a solution for that. You may want to make the relationship work but she doesn’t if you’re not willing to let her have another boyfriend every now and then. It’s new-relationship excitement she’s after and you’re not that anymore. Unfortunately, you have children with her so you’ll never be really free but don’t let her talk you into marrying her. That could be her price for staying with you. Again — don’t. You think you’ve got problems now? Just imagine being married to her and dealing with all those new boyfriends when she realizes marriage doesn’t cure boredom.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

have a forensic test done to her phone
and regardless of what you think the little amount of sex
that you have had with your wife chances are they are not
your kids no matter what you think you see.

also DNA test your kids because from what you have told
us your WW has been cheating on you for years.


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

I couldn't finish the first post. It was just too pathetic. OP stop backing down at a little bit of a challenge from her. Stop tolerating the disrespect. She is laughing you, at least internally. See a lawyer, work on a custody agreement. Let her go. Focus on your kids. Even if, as highly improbable that it is, she's not cheating, she does not deserve to be your girlfriend just from the way she's treated you over the years.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

OddOne said:


> She is laughing you, at least internally.



I got news...... it ain't only internally.... it's with her affair partners, too. You are the subject of their jokes. There is a day coming, when they will have to tell God a joke. I can tell you of a certainty, because of my long relationship with Him, He ain't gonna find it funny. He didn't make you for people to laugh at.


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

TJW said:


> I got news...... it ain't only internally.... it's with her affair partners, too...


Most likely.


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

clintbrodery said:


> Hey everyone,
> 
> First of all, thanks for the replies. I'll take the time to reply layer today because I'm at work.
> 
> ...


You have confidence here, but not confidence as to what your GF is doing and how to respond. I find that curious.

It's time to redirect that confidence toward getting away from your GF.

As far as paternity testing goes. I'm not going to tell you you absolutely should have a DNA test done, but it may be a good idea, assuming you don't decide to do it behind her back, to bring up the idea to your GF to see how she reacts. She may laugh and tell you to go right ahead. While the laughing may hurt, it's a good indication that the kids are yours or at least she's confident they are (potentially slept with another man/men during the windows of conception but is convinced you are the father). But if she acts defensive and tries to dissuade you from having paternity tests done, then you know to have serious doubts.

As far as tracking her phone, or even a polygraph. Why bother? Closure? A need to know every detail? I get it, but I think you are setting yourself up for more pain once she shows you she doesn't an ounce of regret, let alone remorse, for any cheating that may be uncovered or admitted.

If you leave, which you should, be strong if she comes crying back to you about how sorry she is, etc. Only your kids matter now.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

It doesn’t even matter what she says at this point or what she does. Her history shows she doesn’t value you as her partner!

file for divorce and do your best not to speak to her again. Correspond only email - and when found so use yes or no as your only responses to her.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

BTW Clint, if you want to track her movements via her car. Whistle 3 Dog & Cat GPS Tracker & Activity Monitor, Blue - Chewy.com Got one on the coller of my redbone hound and it will put me within 5 ft of her anywhere in the U.S. and will notify me the minute if she's out of self defined boundaries.


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## Hacker1234 (May 29, 2020)

You lost me at sex every 3 to 4 months, how does that even happen. After one week I start getting irritated, 2 weeks im breaking things. At 3 weeks, there better be some medical reason. How the heck did you go months.........


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Hacker1234 said:


> how does that even happen.


Easy answer. When a chick doesn't dig you, she doesnt want to give it up. When she did, it was due him giving her whine.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

GPS her car (secretly), put a VAR in her car as well. If you have to hire someone to follow her. Drive by her work occasionally to see if her car is there. I'm sorry to say but she's cheating on you. Personally her treatment of you should be enough to pull the plug on this relationship.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

maree said:


> Personally her treatment of you should be enough to pull the plug on this relationship.


I almost think that this is maybe a bigger point here. WHY WOULD HE EVEN REMOTELY want to stay with this woman. 

I mean, you would have to have negative self respect, meaning less than none, to stay with a woman like that. 

And he of course is 99% sure she is not cheating. Oh if I had a dollar for every time we have heard that...


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Paul Simon said it years ago...."A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest".


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

While many folks on here are telling you to get a VAR, dissect her phone, etc., I can tell you that the moment you catch her cheating and she knows she's caught, that's when you get to see the real devil in that lady. I can almost guarantee you when that happens, her response will be along the lines of "yeah, I ****ed them, because you couldn't **** me like a man, I needed a real man" She will then start screaming at you and probably throwing things. 

You don't need that ****. You don't need evidence of her cheating. I can tell you that when you make the decision to leave for good, that big weight you're carrying on your shoulders will start to get a lot lighter.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If you want sex in your marriage, I think you better switch partners. She's just not into it anymore. She loves you like she loves a family member, but not like a sexual mate anymore. She feels trapped and confined and like you're spying on her (you are) and she's seeking entertainment online however she can, anything to make herself laugh. Neither of you are happy. Why beat it to death? It's run its course. It's great you are still good parents because that's ALL you'll have to be sharing joint custody.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Clint, your wife has been resentful and angry of you for a long time.

You are focused on sex. You are not pushing the right buttons, so you ain't gonna get much, and probably starfish sex when you do.

Elaborate the third child. Might she want one?

Elaborate the vasectomy? Was she enthusiastically on board?

Elaborate why she believes she is putting everyone and everything before herself?

Elaborate the not marry decision - which she tells directly will include more sex. Does she want to be married?

Elaborate your problem with her "cluttering." Can't you find a more petty reason to fight about? I normally would call that is a "proxy" for some other reason. Same as her not having sex with you is a "proxy" of other problems she has against you.

After years of never initiating sex with you, always giving an excuse not to give you any, passwords protected on everything, all the other stuff you posted - you say the "don't love you" was "out of the blue"?

Cheating is based on secrecy and behavior. 

When did secrecy start (and end) (and start again)?

When did behavior start? Each time of behavior that shows distance from you?

Those two factors - secrecy and behavior - will tell you when she started cheating (even if she was just plotting it).


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The relationship was already in decline very early on, before your first child. Why you didn't cut loose at that point I have no idea. The love is very one-sided I'm afraid.

You need to work on yourself and your own self worth. This is beyond tolerable.


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

While I suggested patience and encouragement in another thread, my honest sense about this is that such an effort will fall on deaf ears. I highly doubt OP is going to return with any meaningful updates. I predict this thread is soon to be closed.


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## QuickerPickerUpper (Aug 4, 2020)

clintbrodery said:


> I think I need advice. I don't know what's going on and to be honest, I need help. We are not married. Engaged, with two loving kids.
> 
> We met 15 years ago. She was my first girlfriend. I was her third boyfriend ever. Our beginnings were great. Passion, love, sex. Everything.
> 
> ...


She's not only gaslighting you, she is manipulating your valid suspicions and using them to justify her stupidity and entitlement.

Like I asked another poster - what about HER (not your familial unit, not your kids, not her abilities in the sporadic romps in the sack) are you scared to lose? What is so great about her as an individual that you are scared to leave?

I feel that you are falling into analysis paralysis. You are focusing on the irrelevant details of her behavior in order to excuse pulling the trigger and finding out the truth. 

You have multiple instances of her talking to trashy meat heads, she is being awful to you and she is begging for a ring before your sex life comes back. 

You have two kids already, so why is sex still an issue? 

You know the truth. Stop giving her the benefit of the doubt.

How far are you willing to martyr yourself before you understand that she is not a good person?

If something smells rotten, find the source. Don't try and cover it up with fufu bathroom spray. 

You can do this. You and your children deserve so much more.


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## clintbrodery (Aug 13, 2020)

I found the truth.

Just found out that she was in fact sleeping with a guy I suspected. He is also in a relationship and he have kids.

Installed a keylogger on her pc. Gained access to her phone bill.
A number was appearing every day. Also dozens of texts sent and received everyday associated to this number. Called the number and managed to get his name. That was it. Instantly recognized her new fb friend that liked every single post and picture she posted.

The keylogger also took screenshots.

One screenshot was enough to prove her guilty. They were talking about sex obviously, the one they had this afternoon when she told me she was going to do groceries!

I found his girlfriends number. Called her. Told her who I was and told her about the affair. She was devastated.

She haven't wake up yet. Her phone is likely off. I expect a ****storm in the morning. I'll keep you updated.

Thanks again

i am not even mad
I get closure
finally I'll be on my own
this relationship needed to end and whatever she will say in the morning, I will face it and defend my honor

i stayed for the kids.
this is the only reason
it was over for years.
it was a safety net
but now I get it

I love my kids, I didn't want to share custody. I didn't want to see them grow every other week.
but for my own good, I need to leave

i can finally leave her knowing the truth

thanks again, I'll update asap


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## QuickerPickerUpper (Aug 4, 2020)

clintbrodery said:


> I found the truth.
> 
> Just found out that she was in fact sleeping with a guy I suspected. He is also in a relationship and he have kids.
> 
> ...


Keep steadfast. Do not betray your convictions when the waterworks and blame shifting start. You have done nothing wrong.

Seriously, don't allow the flowing boogers to deter you from your right to be free of her abuse. 

I'm glad, in a melancholy way, that you found the truth. You need it to move forward. 

Just please please please do not give into any theatrics on her part. She is willing to play any part to get what she wants. 

You deserve so much more than her half assed version of commitment.

She reminds me of my aunt. She is in her late 40s and still chasing the mighty "d." It's pathetic and cringe worthy. You are worth so much more. 

God speed, Sir.


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

Well. I was wrong. I'm glad I was. Best of luck, OP.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@clintbrodery Make sure you keep tabs on the both of them. Do not trust them for a minute.


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

Best of luck on this. Let her know of the betrayal, the fact you have to get tested for STDs and STIs due to her poor. The fact she lied to your face. Please seek legal advice from a shark lawyer. 
One day at a time
Buffer


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

Well done OP, yes above all keep your honor, don't go all crazy back calling her names or whatever, don't step down to her level ever.... Stay calm, firm and collected as hard as it might be

Sent from my SHT-W09 using Tapatalk


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

clintbrodery said:


> I found the truth.
> 
> Just found out that she was in fact sleeping with a guy I suspected. He is also in a relationship and he have kids.
> 
> ...


Get in front of her lies to her family. Let her family know she has been cheating so she can lie on you for something.


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## mickybill (Nov 29, 2016)

She will try to do damage control and paint you as the bad guy, it'd good if you are able to get the truth out first. 
They don;t need details, something as simple as my wife has a boyfriend, a married man and we are divorcing. She may tell them some wacka doodle tale but you are telling the truth
Most people tend to believe the first version of a story to be the truth and it's harder for you to convince them hat she is lying.


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

How did she respond to your discovery as well as informing the AP GF?
One day at a time 
Buffer


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## Mr loyal (Apr 29, 2020)

Sorry you found the rest of the iceberg, stay strong.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

clintbrodery said:


> She say she's faithful. Asked if there was someone else, she said no. I absolutely love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. She told me that she wanted that too and she loved me.


Clint, this happens so frequently that it should be pre-written into the new posting template



clintbrodery said:


> Just found out that she was in fact sleeping with a guy I suspected.


Clint, this is almost always the result.

You are not alone.


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## Hacker1234 (May 29, 2020)

I have read a ton of these stories.

correct me if I am wrong, but it appears what happens next is. She is about to get dumped by the OM since the wife knows, and Clint is going to tell her to get lost. She is about to be very single with 2 kids, she will be running back and trying to do anything to keep the marriage together.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

clintbrodery said:


> I found the truth.
> Just found out that she was in fact sleeping with a guy I suspected. He is also in a relationship and he have kids.
> Installed a keylogger on her pc. Gained access to her phone bill.
> A number was appearing every day. Also dozens of texts sent and received everyday associated to this number. Called the number and managed to get his name. That was it. Instantly recognized her new fb friend that liked every single post and picture she posted.
> ...


Hahahahhahahahah!










I envy you the satisfaction! Keep it up, you are on the right path and we are all proud of you!!!!

You are worth much more than this!!!!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Also, now that you are warpath, some battle plans - others have already mentioned what to expect and what to look out for.

I don't know the laws where you live, but to be safe until you know your rights (remember to seek out a lawyer ASAP so you know where you stand), do not mention or admit to the keylogger or any surveillance whatsoever. How you came to the evidence does not matter.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

clintbrodery said:


> I found the truth.
> 
> Just found out that she was in fact sleeping with a guy I suspected. He is also in a relationship and he have kids.
> 
> ...


Sorry it came to this but now you know and its what many of us suspected.
Expose her and the OM to all friends, family on both sides. This is her shame and cross to bear.
Do not let her have the opportunity to paint herself as the victim. Expose, expose, get the information out there parents, siblings and close friends. Then go see a great lawyer and get good advice on how to proceed and ensure you get shared custody of the kids. Is your state a fault state? Sue the pants of her!
in the meantime take care of your health as this will have emotional consequences, eat sleep, exercise, join friends, get out of the house.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Robert22205 said:


> *I cried in front of her and told her about my insecurities and the fact that I absolutely love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her.*
> 
> _Under the circumstances (her pulling away and the inappropriate secret texting/relationships), crying and pleading does not work. In fact, it has the opposite impact. In her state of mind, she sees your tears (and fear of loosing her) as weakness and a free pass to continue her inappropriate behavior._
> 
> ...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Keep your resolve. Get out of this relationship at all costs. Your gf us a serial cheater and this guy is not her first affair partner. 
very sorry you’re going through this. We all feel your pain.


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## clintbrodery (Aug 13, 2020)

Hi there, just checking in. The last few days have been.. interesting?

I'll post an update regarding the discovery, the confrontation and whats up right now.

Being single... No more doubts. I don't care anymore.

I have never felt so ****ing great.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Sounds like you had began to distance yourself from her and the marriage a while ago. Now that you have confirmation you can begin your new life.

Waiting for the update.


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## Buckeyedad (Aug 4, 2020)

Hate to say this,

But you need to get out of the marriage. She doesn't love you. She is using you.

She is lying to your face constantly.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

clintbrodery said:


> Hi there, just checking in. The last few days have been.. interesting?
> 
> I'll post an update regarding the discovery, the confrontation and whats up right now.
> 
> ...


What this tells me is that you had probably checked out of the relationship long ago also, but you just weren't aware of it. Sometimes the heart and mind are not in unison, especially when the caretaking of kids is involved.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Are you still here @clintbrodery ?

Hope everything is going well for you.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@clintbrodery how have you been doing?


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## EmmaGray (Sep 3, 2020)

Hi, if you have any such thoughts, you should ask her. However, there is a chance that you will not hear the truth. Then you will have to become a detective and make a small investigation. I would do this because it's important for me to know the truth. I can also recommend a good blog that I recently found https://marriage-professor.com/. There is a lot of useful information and thoughts about marriage in this blog, I think that there you can also find tips that will help you understand your relationship.


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