# I asked for a divorce and am not sure it was the right thing to do



## fml (Mar 26, 2012)

I love my husband with all my heart but four days ago i asked him for a divorce. we have been together for 4 years married 2 and seperated for 4 months. 

We have a rocky relationship. He yells and screams and its his way or the highway. I get pissed and leave. he is very unpredictable and i am scared to talk to him about things because i dont know how he will react. He is mad at me for not working full time (I am trying so hard to finnd something) 

My family doesnt like him, and when we seperated we both ended up going home. We have dated for the past 4 months in hopes to get things back on track, but we have created a faulse sense of progress because we still have no idea how to communicate. I said that we should go to counselling and he refused. I was told that I had to leave my house by the end of this month (we were planning to get back together ) if i want to stay with him or that I could stay if i was divorcing him. 

I told hi this and we were suppose to rent his parents basement becuase we could save and the needed the help fiancially but then when I asked when I should bring my stuff over he started to go on about how horrible my parents were and that if I get kicked out then I could come there. 

I have been through hell with this guy and stuck by his side, and now he is telling me that the only way that I can come there is if i have no where else to go? Is he not my Husband. He is at home being catered to ot having a care in the world, his mother does everything for him. I said to him before that i think he loves being home and does not want to leave.  I was told that I am to messy and that his mom (who i love but is a clean freak ) points out if I leave a piece of paper on the coffee table to him (not me) but she wants him out and tells me not him. He was making excuses about me movinng in now sayinng that we are not ready. 

I am fed up. He told me that I should come up with 1st and last not him because he supported us for a year alone. 

This is not a marrige. I cant do this anymore. I asked him for the divorce on friday and he was so angry. i insisted that we talk in person but he acted like he had no time for me that one of his friends were comming over and that I would have to wait. when I insisted that this was more important (mind you I am crying) he said what are you going to divorce me. when I said agai I wanted to talk face to face he told me that I had 10 seconds to tell him or he was hanging up. Annoyed I said yes I want a divorce to which he told me that he cant believe that I would upset him when he is quitting smoking and having a bad day. 

This marrige has been about him from start to finish. The problem is I dont want to divorce him, I know that we could be happy together if we started to work togethet. Dont get me wrg the marrige has not been all bad. 

I have called him 3 or 4 times in the last 3 days and he wont pick up or return my calls. WHAT DO I DO?


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

Leave him alone and put on your big girl panties. you can not force someone to treat how you want them to treat you. He is enjoying his freedom. You need stop saying things you don't mean when mad. What would he miss about you? Because you can't compete with a single life when a person enjoys it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sounds like you did the right thing to me! You're just codependent. Be strong!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

the first thing to do is stop calling him - he sounds like he's being a real as* so why keep chasing him and trying to make him behave in a certain way?

you shouldn't be scared to talk to your husband - I never used to be but mine became so negative and cynical all the time that I started to become so

and our marriage is most definitely over, because he's not the person I married (well I think he is, I am the one who's changed and I don't want to put up with it any more even though he was the one who left)

ignore him for a while and see how he likes it when he doesn't have you to bully...


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## SilverPanther (Feb 2, 2012)

Sounds like your husband is extremely immature. I think you're probably right, he is enjoying being catered to and being able to pretend he is still a child living at home.

It sounds to me like from what you are saying, he is not interested in making things work. He is not acting in a way a husband should. But this doesn't mean you have to divorce him, if that's not what you want. But if you want him to grow up, you are probably going to have to start intiating some tough love. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing he is hurting you. And don't let him always get his way.


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## fml (Mar 26, 2012)

Thank you all so much for your advice. I have to stop texting him or calling him. Its like i know that I should not be doing that but i cant stop myself. like one of you said I have to put on my big girl panties. lol i am going to say that in my head whenever I want to contact him. 
I guess I am just scared that it is over.
But I am not even giving him the chance to miss me.
This is so hard.


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