# will he really change?



## chelle (Apr 9, 2008)

Hey im new to this so hope what i write makes sense!
I will start from the beginning sorry if its really long but i dont have any close friends to share this with and its been bottling up!!

Im 24 and live in the uk and have been with my boyf for just over 3years and am nearly 7months pregnant with our first child. We agreed we wanted a baby and he encouraged me to come off the pill. My boyf is 26 and in the army based in germany. When he is home we have the best time together and when he is away we speak numerous times everyday and txt throughout the day. 
We had a few trust issues in the first year but i thought we had worked them out. i do everything i can to show him he can trust me but its not quite the same for him. 
When in germany he has this habit of disappearing on a fri nite after going down the army bar for drinks with his army mates-he tells me next day he was so drunk he fell asleep when he got bak to his room (he always used to ring me wen we first got together he used to chat some crap but at least i knew he was bak in his room!) A few times when home on leave he's gone out with mates and fell asleep back at their house after promising he will come home at end of night like he always used to or at the very least call me which he doesnt do either but his mates verify he has been there though. Each time he promises he wont do it again and is good for a few wknds then slips up again.

Last year he brought a laptop to take to germany with him so he can watch films and play games. We share an email account and hes never said about setting one up just for himself- i sed i didnt want him to have an email account as he doesnt need a separate one and was honest and said i didnt trust him to have one. He promised me he wouldnt.

Little did i no he already had one! - i caught him out one day when he was in shower at his parents it was purely by accident i was going to check our joint email account and logged on to hotmail and found email address saved on screen i wrote it down and when he came out shower confronted him. He said it was on old account and he couldnt access it. Me not being to great with computers believed him and forgot about it untill last fri- I managed to get into his email account and boy did i get a shock. He has been on numerous profile sites posting his pictures chatting to 'friends' inviting 'sexy' girls to chat to him. 98% of his contacts are females, These emails are from before we got together untill currant day! i read his messages on his email account and the messages on the profile accounts and it doesnt appear he has met any of them but then he invites them to the live messenger chat thingys so i dont no!?!? 


He's in germany at the mo we spoke over wknd and i explained how upset i am he is aware i class this as cheating as last year we had a discussion after we watched a program on telly about different types of cheating and he even agreed with me. I was unsure if i could get over this and told him this. He was really apolagetic and sed he had become addicted to these sites as was boared in the eves &at wknds and all his army mates are on the sites aswell. i asked if i was enough for him and he sed yes and that he must be insecure. Hes promised he wont go on them again and when hes home next he will leave the laptop with me. But hes promised me things before and always lets me down. I said this to him and he said this is different he realises what he has to lose me and the baby and im the perfect girlfriend. He has been making more of an effort but im still unsure as the usual pattern is he slips up but he has never said before he knows what he has to lose?!? He said when hes home with me hes really happy but when hes in Germany he gets really boared and lonely &all his mates are single &on the internet having a laugh. He promised me hes never cheated on me!

One of the big problems for me is he wont marry me. To live on army base together we must be married and i feel this is the best thing for our baby-otherwise it will only see dad every 2 or 3weeks just for the weekend-to be honest it upsets me everytime he has to go back i dont know if im strong enough to watch it upset our baby aswell! His main reasons for not marrying me is i will hate it in germany as the base is boring, he hates it there and is trying to get a posting bak home in england, the men on the base are like dogs and harrass women reguardless if they married and also hes watched other marriages fall apart out there! Im thinking the only way i can trust him now is if we are married and living together otherwise how can i be sure he wont be tempted by these profile sites again!?!?


Any advice would be appreciated as im not sure if im just going mad and paraniod and reading to much into things coz of all my pregnancy hormones!!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

My mother and father lived on the US base in germany and my mother actually liked it. Tell him that you deserve the choice, if you go out there and don't like it you can always go back can't you? If you do like it you can stay! It sounds like he is hiding something from you, but that just might be me.

draconis


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