# Wife is in a long distance emotional affair and I have nobody to talk to.



## thee (Feb 7, 2013)

Ok so I am in the Military stationed overseas and I just got done with an unaccompanied year long tour in Korea. Since the wife and I have been back together things have been rough getting used to being with each other again after being apart for so long. When I first got here to my overseas location the wife had to wait an extra month back in the states to finish up some moving stuff since we could not get it done in time before I had to come here. This put a lot of stress on her and caused some serious issues on top of us getting reacquainted. After about a month and a half of us being back together she forgot to log out of her facebook on my phone and I stumbled upon some messaging between her and an ex boyfriend and I was in such shock at the time that I didn't get a chance to read all of it before I confronted here, but from what I did see it was clear there was without a doubt an emotional affair going on. I confronted here and since I love her so much I forgave her and she said she would end it. Being the trusting guy I am I believed her and as time went on I just never brought it up again. As time went on we were still having some troubles in our marriage and she mentioned being miserable due to being so far from friends and family. Moving here meant she had to start fresh and make new friends. She stated a few times the possibility of us divorcing and moving on with our lives. However, I am not one to give up so we worked through all of that and just recently she has said that she finally feels happy and that our future is looking bright. She has made friends and everything finally seemed like it was as it should be. Regrettably though, I found out her phone password and snooped again today because I was curious deep down still. Come to find out this emotional affair has still been going on for the past 6 months. I read all emails and facebook messages. I was heartbroken to see the word love thrown around in every message. There was talk of them being together in the future, talk of waiting for me to leave for work or go to bed, talk of communicating on skype, etc. Now you might think that the obvious thing to do is to confront her and possibly divorce, but there is a minor complication. The last emails were 8 days ago and looks like she was possibly having mixed emotions about the whole thing and frustrated he called it off and appears to have blocked her on facebook. She seemed very sad, but also sent him a message saying she regretted the whole thing with him etc. However 2 days later sent an email apologizing saying she didn't mean that and what not. It has been 8 days since then and that is when I noticed a positive change. So....should I confront her and risk divorce or should I just leave it alone and see if we can improve things from here since it seems to be over for good now. Please I really need help. I have nobody to talk to about this


----------



## thee (Feb 7, 2013)

We have been married 4 years and some change


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Thanks for your service, Thee. Sorry your stuck with this but being away from your spouse for long periods of time doesn't allow for much bonding. 

She needs to break contact with him in order to bond with you. She is hooked on the addiction of the affair, like a junkie. He is her drug and she can't break free of the addiction. Love Chemical - Love Chemicals and Chemistry of Love. This must be broken by going no contact with him, so withdrawal can occur. 

Yes you should confront her. But not until you have undeniable evidence, so she can't bluff you. Print out and save the emails, FBchats, ect to a safe place. 

Monitor her communications

Put a keylogger on any computer that she uses
Put a spy wear on her cell phone
Put a VAR in her car and the house
Check her email, chat and FB histories
Get your carrier's phone logs for calls and text to numbers and verify who she is in contact with. 
When you find out who the OM is, find out his family situation, home address and employment.

Exposure is another tool you may use to kill the affair also. 

Then comes the hard part. You can't make her do anything. You can decide what you will do. Tell her you will not live in an open marriage. She can either cut off contact with him under the conditions you have set or divorce so you can move on with your life. Then stand on it. 

Here read this, it will be a big help, http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

Get this book too, Surviving an Affair: Willard F. Jr. Harley


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

And ask to move your thread to the Coping with Infidelity area, for more advice.


----------

