# Friend lied to get out of giving me a ride



## crystalh12 (Apr 19, 2016)

Yesterday before my church group I asked a friend that goes there and lives near me if she could give me a ride home. She said sorry Im not going home to our town afterwards, so I had to ask thepastors wife for a ride home and she ended up having to leave early. As we were leaving I overheard some other girl talking to her saying ishe thinks shes going with the girl who coulnt give me a ride and her asking if she wants to ride with her or the girl that couldn't give me a ride (the girl who was deciding who to ride with lives near me too) So girl who couldn't give me a ride was lying about going back to our town afterwards?? That or she was willing to go out of 
her way to give this person a ride but not me ? Why would she lie to me?? Because of her I had to leave early before everyone else! Because she lied to me


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

:|


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You had to leave early because you needed a ride home. You need to redefine your definition of friend. You need to realize that these so-called friends don't owe you anything. Stop harping on them. Find something else to do besides trying to fit in with this church crowd. They don't like you.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

This one time at band camp....


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

How many forums have you posted this exact same story on?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

What are you getting out of these stories you keep posting?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

You go a ride home, disappointed in those that you thought were friends. Who knows what was inthis other person's head, maybe she had plans with someone els. It is hard o say. The thing is you did get a ride home. The rest I would leave alone. Your guess is as good as mine with the friend.


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## crystalh12 (Apr 19, 2016)

My pastor was officiating the wedding and said I wasn't the only one from my small group not invited and listed some people in our small group that werent invited but they don't go to small group regurarly or are new to the group (with th exception of this one guy). This was before the wedding happened. So he had access to the guest list? Why would he know the guest list? And after I saw the pictures I messaged him saying I saw all the girls from small group in the pictures and... thats when he listed these people from our small group that werent invited but who dont come very often or are new (except for the one guy).That doesnt matter to me because I have been going regularly, Im a girl and have been going for a long time and I was the only one out of the group of girls that goes regurarly that isnt new that was not invited. That is what makes me feel like there is something wrong with me because I was the only girlone out of the core group not invited, like do they have something against me or does somebody else in the group have something against me and they wanted them there and didnt want them feeling uncomfortable around me? I dont know


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## crystalh12 (Apr 19, 2016)

Oops I meant to create a new thread


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Do your "friends" find you as abrasive and annoying as the good folks here at TAM do?

Can't a mod do something about this?


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## crystalh12 (Apr 19, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> You had to leave early because you needed a ride home. You need to redefine your definition of friend. You need to realize that these so-called friends don't owe you anything. Stop harping on them. Find something else to do besides trying to fit in with this church crowd. They don't like you.


They didn't need to lie to me


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

crystalh12 said:


> They didn't need to lie to me


That's true.

See your pastor about this, too.

Is there anything about you they are prejudiced against?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Do your "friends" find you as abrasive and annoying as the good folks here at TAM do?
> 
> Can't a mod do something about this?



You can hit the report button OP has had several accounts with different user names.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

kristin2349 said:


> You can hit the report button OP has had several accounts with different user names.


It doesn't seem to do much good.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I had sushi for dinner.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

crystalh12 said:


> They didn't need to lie to me


They lied to you so as to not hurt your feelings. They don't want to be around you. You behave in a manner that causes them to avoid you. Because they already KNOW you.

Are you in therapy?

And why have you not changed churches?

Did you ever take the road trip with your friend that was moving?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> They lied to you so as to not hurt your feelings. They don't want to be around you. You behave in a manner that causes them to avoid you. Because they already KNOW you.
> 
> Are you in therapy?
> 
> ...


OP is a 28 year old that doesn't drive (sound familiar?) That "friend" is avoiding her too...I wouldn't want to go on a road trip with someone who doesn't drive and repels everyone she meets either.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

kristin2349 said:


> OP is a 28 year old that doesn't drive (sound familiar?) That "friend" is avoiding her too...I wouldn't want to go on a road trip with someone who doesn't drive and repels everyone she meets either.


Very familiar alright. 
The immaturity is on the same level of another poster. 
OP how many accounts do you have? 
Maybe getting a job & getting your own car will help. 
Nobody likes a needy Nelly, learn to become an independent person & then people will want to be friends with you. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MrsAldi said:


> OP how many accounts do you have?


She does not seem to use them simultaneously. She might be forgetting the passwords and just registers again. Or even forget that she was even here before.

IMO the woman is socially or mentally dysfunction and is sincere in her desire for friendships that she either cannot start or cannot maintain. The community of the church is probably her last resort, and even that has failed her.

I doubt we can provide any help to her here. It is sad.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> The community of the church is probably her last resort, and even that has failed her.


That is sad indeed... because kindness and compassion is a cornerstone of what Jesus taught, and the body of the following would present if they mirror such teachings.

Her ability see and understanding of spiritual path will be her biggest challenge if her emotional ability is not developed to understand, her outlook may be simply... simple, not really able to understand why people treat others as she has experienced. She might present herself as needy, a burden... to the selfish that is intolerable, the unselfish will create healthy boundaries that allow crystalh12 to grow and assist in that growth. 

MattMatt was wise to advise addressing the relationship of the church through the pastor, as the mentor of their faith's teachings, they should be in a place to guide her best to seek the counseling needed if they cannot provide it within the denomination.

The pastor should also be in a place to counsel those cold and impatient in their treatment of those who need, humility was also one of Christ's life lessons even a Buddhist can admire.

crystalh12 is fair in her statement they don't need to lie to her, but to reinforce this defeat in her group of people who think she doesn't deserve such respect is futile, perhaps their pastor can change their hearts, but she will not do so if she cannot find the welcoming and nurturing where she is, thus she will need to find it elsewhere where her first communication might be with the new clergy so she can be welcomed with support and love from the shepherd to flow down through the flock.

Random acts of kindness... be somebody who make everyone feel like somebody.

Maybe that is all she is looking for...


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> .
> 
> *crystalh12 is fair in her statement they don't need to lie to her,* but to reinforce this defeat in her group of people who think she doesn't deserve such respect is futile,


Is it more compassionate for the "friends" to tell her that they do not want her around?

Not many people can easily do that, so they think they are being kinder by lying, hoping that she will get the message.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

crystalh12 said:


> They didn't need to lie to me


They may have had to "lie" if you whine on endlessly to them like you do here. I think of it as self-preservation. They may not like you and may not even be able to tolerate you. You aren't friends of these girls, barely acquaintances, only co-parishioners.

Understand this, they do *NOT* have to give you a ride anywhere, ever. You need to arrange your own transportation to places you want to go. This other girl may have had a full car and no intention of dumping one of them for a whiney baby. If you were able to get there, you would be able to get home.

Tattling on them to your pastor will not only make these girls hate you, and completely avoid you, but will push your pastor away from you. I can't believe you carried on until the pastor's wife had to leave early to take you home. She has duties and they do *NOT* include giving whiney babies rides.

If you don't have a ride, take public transportation. If you think you are too good for public transportation, stay home. I doubt your presence would be missed.

IamSomebody


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Holland said:


> I had sushi for dinner.


I like turtles.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I think you need some mentoring. There is a disconnect going on in your mind. You are not understanding what is happening to you and how you are causing your own problems.
First off, your posting here shows some of what the problem is.
Why are you posting under different user names? Are you forgetting or are you trying to get around a ban? This is a big red flag, as you are behaving in an inappropriate manner socially by the way you post on this site. Do you realize that?
It seems that the problem is that you either do not understand or do not want to comply with social norms and that makes people frustrated and uncomfortable. If you are doing that here, you are likely doing the same things in your other social groups, such as church and small group. That makes people uncomfortable. They don't want to hurt your feelings, so they lie to you instead. It's not an ideal solution, but one that many people take when they don't know what else to do.
To begin with, it is wrong to go somewhere without a ride home planned and arranged before you get there. You don't show up someplace and expect others to change their plans to accommodate you when you did not properly plan for your own transportation. It is not someone else's responsibility to get you to and from the places you want to go. People should just say no and not lie, but many people have trouble doing that. They are uncomfortable and don't know what to do, so they lie.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> She does not seem to use them simultaneously.


 No, it doesn't matter. Go read the private thread. Long time users have been banned for having multiple accounts regardless of when, how old or whether they are being used simultaneously.



> She might be forgetting the passwords and just registers again. Or even forget that she was even here before.


Within days, weeks and months? Yet, she keeps using the same one, with multiple posts, until the tone of her threads shift? You are giving her(?) way too much credit.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Oh and it may not be a lie at all.


> As we were leaving* I overheard *some other girl talking to her saying i*she thinks shes going with the girl* who couldn't give me a ride and her asking if she wants to ride with her or the girl that couldn't give me a ride


You have no clue what happened after you left. This person said "I THINK" which means, she doesn't KNOW who is giving her a ride. Then she offers up a ride without the other person's permission. As someone who has been put in this position, it is not fun and it is not a lie.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Is it more compassionate for the "friends" to tell her that they do not want her around?
> 
> Not many people can easily do that, so they think they are being kinder by lying, hoping that she will get the message.


In this case alone with her church:

If it is a continuing problem, it is compassionate to have honesty within boundaries but it should be truthful nonetheless... "I will help you this time/these times while we find a solution for you to get to/from church because we want you here worshiping with us".

If there is not honesty in a church, where is there honesty?

We do not know the limitations of the OP to understand the world around her, how she see's it, how she relates to it, this may be more than a place like this forum can offer.

We are not all the same in emotional growth, CynthiaDe is right with needing mentoring, something to help the OP establish some emotional independence to the level and ability she can attain. Where she can't, I am sure a safe haven is needed and I would hope she could find it there by the structure intended, without outcasts.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

28 yo OP needs to make friends with the 28 yo "virgin"


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

OP

You need to find confidence really fast. 

You post a lot about your church group and how they slight you. You need to realize that you are the only one responsible for your mental well being. 

This will sound harsh, but I will say it anyways. It may not be true, but I can only respond to what I can deduce from your posts you make here. 

You come off as clingy and needy in these posts. Perhaps your "friends" also see this and they don't like the dynamics this creates in a friendship. I know I've avoided hanging around with an aquaintence or two that was very insecure and needy. Why? Because, personally, I found it too emotionally hard to keep up with someone like that. It drains you. And I didn't end up bonding with them like a true friend, someone that can deliver something positive to the friend dynamic. 



The best advise I can offer is to gain that confidence in yourself. Focus on your positives. Don't be focusing on the negative of whether you think people like you or not. Friends come and go. Some people will like you. Some people don't. If your comfortable in your own skin, none of this will bother you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> 28 yo OP needs to make friends with the 28 yo "virgin"


Getting together would pose a problem since neither of them drive and the "virgin" is abusive to those she is close to.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

But they could bore each other to death.

I have reported this poster under another ID, I'll report this one, too, and hope it does some good. I see this same person on multiple forums, all with different interest points. It gets banned from some of them, but keeps coming back.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

crystalh12 said:


> My pastor was officiating the wedding and said I wasn't the only one from my small group not invited and listed some people in our small group that werent invited but they don't go to small group regurarly or are new to the group (with th exception of this one guy). This was before the wedding happened. So he had access to the guest list? Why would he know the guest list? And after I saw the pictures I messaged him saying I saw all the girls from small group in the pictures and... thats when he listed these people from our small group that werent invited but who dont come very often or are new (except for the one guy).That doesnt matter to me because I have been going regularly, Im a girl and have been going for a long time and I was the only one out of the group of girls that goes regurarly that isnt new that was not invited. That is what makes me feel like there is something wrong with me because I was the only girlone out of the core group not invited, like do they have something against me or does somebody else in the group have something against me and they wanted them there and didnt want them feeling uncomfortable around me? I dont know


The only adult thing to do is have a conversation with your friend and clear the air, rather than make assumptions.


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