# Moving forward while continuing to investigate



## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

How many people find themselves doing this? After my wife's most recent (and severe) EA, we are going to begin working on things. I'm trying hard to believe everything she has said, and after repeatedly confronting with respect to any info she has withheld, her story has remained consistent for the most part. She's either speaking from the bottom or her heart, or an amazing liar. I hope the former is what I've gotten. 

It is clear she wants to be in this relationship, and she is doing everything that one would need/expect to help repair things. I suppose that would be enough to really begin the recovery for some. I'm become very focused on her ability to spill her guts though, and it's quite possible it is all out on the table...yet I'm not fully convinced it is all out, and I'm not ready to accept that yet as it's only been about 7 weeks since D-day.

Still, given my vulnerable state, a few things remain suspicious to me, which will only become clearer with time. This is with respect to locations she has been for work, in which she'll need to return to within three months or so. I've grown wise to not just ask her to help me add up the facts, and given her line of work, I can't ask her co-workers cause the 'brotherhood' would just cover for her. So instead I will keep my information to myself and cross-reference when she has made the trips.

I've explained the deal-breaker aspect to this R, and it upset her (no surprise) that I still couldn't fully believe her, but I said what I needed to. 

I'm crossing my fingers things add up once I have the info I need, but dear god, in the event they don't, I'm going to try with all my might to stick to the plan and just move forward with the separation process. Here's to hoping :toast:


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Hope all goes well for you. And, no...concerns like yours are no unusual. I'd be more surprised if you DIDN'T have them. You are in a position innwhich your trust in your wife must be rebuilt. I'm in that same place, myself. It's only accomplished by verifying that her actions match her words.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Your concerns absolutely make sense, it is called trust issues. That's what happens when one party cheats on the other. It happened to me, stbxh had EA, still doing it. Didn't live up to his fantasy but...his problem.

I don't think I could ever trust my stbxh again. That is the truth. I am his third marriage, duh.

Good luck and I hope all turns out as it should which it will.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I'm with both you guys. Not unusual at all. It is unfortunate that what you've sort of started is setting her up to trip if she's going to.

And why do I get so incensed that they have the gall to be 'upset' when we can't fully believe them once they've "spilled their guts"...? 

You say you are 'not convinced it is all out yet' and 'a few things remain suspicious' to you. I feel that the more this is true, the more it's needed on the part of the BS, because until you don't feel in your gut that there's more, it will gnaw and gnaw and gnaw at you and take over as a blocker to your allowing any real work toward R.

Good luck, hope she proves worthy of your effort for your sake.


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