# Again with the "holding him back"...



## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

So yet again my husband is throwing another instance of how I hold him back in my face. 

I was asked to work this Saturday, which is overtime, and I want to take him to do something nice on his 40th birthday, which means extra money, so I said yes. 

Well, he was complaining about how my working Saturday was throwing off his weekend. "Now I can't go do anything fun because you're working." Aww...how sweet. He doesn't want to do anything fun without me, right? Wrong. He doesn't want to go do anything fun because he thinks it'll make me mad. I asked him that straight out, and he just said, "You WILL be mad." I just said, "No I won't. I'll be working. Why would I be mad that you're going and doing something without me when I'll be at work?" 

I may be a little wistful inside because I wished I was able to go have fun with him and our son, but not mad. Who wouldn't be wistful? Yeah...I'd much rather be having fun than working, but I'm not going to deprive someone else and expect them to sit in the house and not do anything just because I'm at work. I don't get it. 

It just kind of pis$es me off, too, that that is what it is about. It isn't about him not wanting to have fun without me, it's about him thinking I'll be pis$ed off at him about it. Am I insane for being irritated at that? WTF?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Hi 

Actually I think he doesn't know how to have fun without you being there. 

Does he know how to enjoy his time? 

My husband is very good at enjoying his solitude. If I am working, he goes to coffee shops, he reads, he goes out having dinner with his friend. Like you said, I am working, it is a great opportunity for him to enjoy some alone time!  I don't get mad. Why would I get mad? He is good at using his time. 

I understand your reasoning, and your husband needs to understand you and himself better!  Don't blame others for his own lack of ideas!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

My ex-boyfriend used to pull that, too. He'd always do or say something and if I asked why he did or said it, it was always "well, if I didn't, you'd just get mad/explode/blow up." Never mind that I don't do that, or that the things weren't things I'd get mad about, or that I would never even have thought of it to be upset about if he hadn't said anything. 

I've figured out now that some people just don't want to be responsible for their own happiness. So instead they blame their partner, even when it's not fair. By blaming their partner, they can be miserable or lazy or whatever and not have at admit that it's their own fault that they are that way. 

I wish I could tell you how to change this. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to try to change it in my relationship, because there were too many other things wrong, and that ended up being something really small by comparison to some of the rest.


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