# 50 shades good or bad?



## 50shadesoftrash (Sep 17, 2013)

Im sure everyone here has read a thousand questions about 50 shades of grey and its probably been talked to death but its a new issue for me so please be kind. My wife has just started reading it and she seems already obsessed with it. Im out of town most of the week and we usually talk a couple times a day and then a little longer before bed. Lately she has been acting like she is so tired you cant talk long and then I find out she was up another hour reading this book! I cant help it, it hurts my feelings terribly. I think we have great sex (since we aren't together every night especially) we are both somewhat adventurous but to me her reading this book is no different than me watching porn. I know it would hurt her feelings and make her feel like she wasn't enough so I don't. Part of me is a little excited about her reading this book because I know she is getting turned on by it and she is going to want to try some of the things she is reading, but then I think.....IT WONT BE ME SHE IS THINKING ABOUT IT WILL BE THIS FICTIONAL GUY FROM THIS STUPID BOOK !!!! AM I nuts here? do other men feel the same way or was everyone just happy to have their wife hot even if it wasn't really for them?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

One question: How do you know she's getting turned on by the guy in the book? How do you know for sure that she's not getting turned on by the idea of doing the _things_ the characters are doing in the book _with you_? Just another thing to consider...and I guess that was two questions.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

I think that this damned book is, and will be the cause of many a women leaving their husbands. I've no doubt this has happened already. 

I think it's a curse for all marriages.


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## 50shadesoftrash (Sep 17, 2013)

I guess I don't know for sure what she is thinking. I know she isn't a cheater and I know she loves me. I just cant help but feel like she wouldn't be reading this stuff if I was all she needed.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

It's most likely a bit of jealousy man. 

I wouldn't worry yourself too much.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I've not read any of the books or any other type of romance/erotica, 
BUT if i did and my husband had a problem with it.... I would hope he would talk to me about it.

Talking and communicating openly with each other is the key to most of our marriage problems.

Can you talk to her about this?


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## librarydragon (Aug 20, 2011)

Seriously? Take a look at my user name and guess what I do for a living. You should probably visit your local public library next and have it banned for all the infidelity it will cause in your community. Or, maybe, you should grow a pair.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Ahem... be more dominant with your woman in bed, more indulgent out of it, and she'll fantasize about nobody but you.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

50shadesoftrash said:


> I cant help it, it hurts my feelings terribly. I think we have great sex (since we aren't together every night especially) we are both somewhat adventurous but to me her reading this book is no different than me watching porn.


But it shouldn't hurt her if you watch porn either. So it definitely shouldn't hurt you if she reads that book. 

My advice to you is the same as I give to women who freak out about her husbands watching porn. Read it for yourself and see what all the fuss is about. Maybe you'll like it. You certainly don't need to be jealous over a book.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Relax and enjoy the results. You have no way of knowing what she is fantasizing about anyway.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> One question: How do you know she's getting turned on by the guy in the book? How do you know for sure that she's not getting turned on by the idea of doing the _things_ the characters are doing in the book _with you_? Just another thing to consider...and I guess that was two questions.


Question: 
How does she know he's getting turned on by the sexy , silicone boobie porno girls in porn?
How does she know for sure that he's not getting turned on by the idea of doing the things the characters are doing in the porn , with her?


I think 50 shades is to women what porn is to men,
Unrealistic sexual fantasy. So the issue is not whether it's good or bad, if it is good or even fair in the case of your marriage ., given his wife's stated request that he abstain from the erotica of _his _choice,porn.

If a wife loathes the idea of her man looking at porn , how can she justify herself indulging in written erotica?

So ,she likes the idea of a him being a dominant man like Christian Grey?
_Can she pull off a Jemma Jamieson or an 18 yr old Sasha Grey act in bed?_

It would be much better if they can both come to an agreement about all erotica , and openly discuss their sexual desires and fantasies.

Sounds like she's cake eating to me.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

From what is posted here the OP has made an assumption that him watching porn would hurt his wife - he has not said that she has forbidden it.

The OP has also made an assumption that his wife would not read 50 Shades if he was all she needed. Wrong. It could be that she started reading it because all of her friends have and have recommended it and she does not want to be the odd one out. That's why I read it in the end. I have to say that whilst a lot of the things in the book are huge turn ons for me, the sex scenes are so boring and same-y that in the end I found myself skim reading them if I read them at all just to get on with the story, which I did enjoy enough to plough through the whole trilogy.

I think that the OP should take full benefit from the book. She has made no secret of reading it so why not ask her what stuff she enjoyed and suggest they try some of it out in the bedroom.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

50shades is the most awful piece of trash book I ever tried to finish.I actually find myself thinking less of people when they say they love the series.

I think erotica,REAL erotica without all the fluffy romance thrown in,is healthier than romance novels and porn if read as a couple. I don't think someone is justified in being hurt by porn viewing when they're in a corner reading 50shadesofsh*t. You need to talk to her about this and express how you feel.

If she wants to continue reading about how Christian Grey fists some nearly virginal chick in an elevator then you should get to watch a dude bang some huge busted porn woman.

I mean seriously,this is the utter crap she's reading:

"He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string – what?! – and gently takes my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy f*ck. Sweet mother of all … Jeez. And then he’s inside me … ah!"


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## 50shadesoftrash (Sep 17, 2013)

Why would a woman who considers herself to be a good Christian, good mother, etc want to read about someone being fisted on an elevator? I would be less concerned if she was watching porn, I never fantasized about having a relationship with a woman I saw in a porn....


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

50shadesoftrash said:


> Why would a woman who considers herself to be a good Christian, good mother, etc want to read about someone being fisted on an elevator? I would be less concerned if she was watching porn, I never fantasized about having a relationship with a woman I saw in a porn....


LOL I don't know if the fisting actually takes place in the elevator,that particular tidbit was something I read from someone who was ranting about the books.I do know there's fisting in there somewhere though


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> 50shades is the most awful piece of trash book I ever tried to finish.I actually find myself thinking less of people when they say they love the series.
> 
> I think erotica,REAL erotica without all the fluffy romance thrown in,is healthier than romance novels and porn if read as a couple. I don't think someone is justified in being hurt by porn viewing when they're in a corner reading 50shadesofsh*t. You need to talk to her about this and express how you feel.
> 
> ...


Well said SB, I agree with you totally.

I have read part of the first book .... it is absolute drivel, it is an insult to books to call it a book, it's garbage, poorly written, nonsense. I didn't find it erotic at all. In fact, I find the lead male character's treatment of the female character to be abuse, nothing romantic about that at all. If anybody I knew had that sort of relationship with a man I would be very worried about them.

And as for the sex .... it absolutely turned my stomach at times .... anal f*sting and the like .... horrific, absolute torture. And the incessant repeating of "oh my, oh my" ... pathetic!

I don't understand how so many women rave about these books, they are a complete turn off for me. I imagine it's the fantasy element, fantasising about being swept off their feet by a dominant man. I do know a few women who no longer have sex with their husbands who love love love these books. So maybe it's a turn on for them. I also know women who do have great sex lives who also love these books. But, it's not a turn on for me, quite the opposite in fact.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *angelpixie said: *
> One question: How do you know she's getting turned on by the guy in the book? How do you know for sure that *she's not getting turned on by the idea of doing the things the characters are doing in the book with you?* Just another thing to consider...


 I haven't read the book... waiting till my sex drive dives after menopause and I need some inspiration.. when I watch some porn, it's not that I want/salivate over those men & they are in my fantasies.....I like to get ideas to take back TO US... if she is reading, then taking care of herself, you have every right to be livid...but if the book is turning up her horniness & she's coming after you...unless you feel her mind is elsewhere.. ENJOY....My husband would never be upset over something like this... he would even encourage it...so long as I was coming after him. 

I asked him once if it bothers him that I enjoy watching porn, he lays beside me real close and watches me watch it.. ..he replies ..."are you slipping out to go to the studio while I'm at work?" Ha ha... his point was..so long as whatever turns me on comes back to him and I am not sharing it elsewhere, he's happy!!



> *ClimbingTheWalls said*: From what is posted here the OP has made *an assumption* that him watching porn would hurt his wife - he has not said that she has forbidden it.


 Maybe he feels it is wrong as well...deep down ...feels guilt about it...so assumes she would be up in arms..though the majority of women are......IF she has a problem with his viewing.....even if he comes back to her with his releases...or waits for her... then this wouldn't be right/ fair ....as in the scheme of things...Women's erotica such as this and Men's visual porn = the same ....an aid to arousal...can anyone deny... Most of us enjoy a little fantasy...there is no shame in this...even according to sex therapists... Unless one takes it to limits where they have lost the passion for each other...ignoring each others needs...while secretly obsessing over another. 



> I think that the OP should take full benefit from the book. She has made no secret of reading it so why not ask her what stuff she enjoyed and suggest they try some of it out in the bedroom.


 Yes, show an interest, engage her in conversation about it...make your own Erotica... I think it's great to get inspiration somewhere else and make it our own reality.. Again, I know nothing about this particular book...so no comment there.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

porn is bad for us guys to look at, but for the women, its ok to read any kind of book you want, books dont cause unrealistic expectations


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Lordhavok said:


> porn is bad for us guys to look at, but for the women, its ok to read any kind of book you want, books dont cause unrealistic expectations


:smthumbup:


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Lordhavok said:


> porn is bad for us guys to look at, but for the women, its ok to read any kind of book you want, books dont cause unrealistic expectations


Have to disagree with that. Books turn loose the wildest source of unrealistic expectations - your imagination. If you have trouble realizing that these thoughts are just fiction, then trouble is coming.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Lordhavok said:


> porn is bad for us guys to look at, but for the women, its ok to read any kind of book you want, books dont cause unrealistic expectations


I'm going to say this depends on the individual man and what type of porn..how often...other variables....mine likes SOFT only...it's never caused a HINT of unrealistic expectations..

Though he looks at still photos more so than the live stuff......It's best to enjoy these things together...if possible...this has the power to open our sexual communication & creativity.



> *TDSC60 said*: If you have trouble realizing that these thoughts are just fiction, then trouble is coming.


 I've never had trouble with this..sure a "rape fantasy"-like those played out in the steamy romances - sounds kinda hot... but not loosing any sleep over this...

I guess this is like anything else...People can take Religion too far, politics..loose balance with work -becoming workaholics...fall into Mommy mode with kids...all manner of getting off balance......

The question is.....Is this wife ....or is HE feeling insecure over this book....and why? 



> *RoseRed 14 said*: I do know a few women who no longer have sex with their husbands who love love love these books.


 That's very sad. Has to be some other issues at play though...resentment..etc.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Okay so I'll talk from my experience.

My wife read the books and saw the parody musical that came out. The books were meh to her (we're open minded sexually and try things so it's not a situation for her about wondering what she wants to do in real life, there was no "sexual awakening" for her). The parody, she said, was hilarious as it made fun of the books.

Erotica of any kind, printed, video, sound whatever, is all the same. I don't watch porn, not because my wife "forbids it" but I don't need to. My wife and I watched some porn together and it got old quick. We would just roll over and look at each other and start playing with each other.

Is 50 shades good or bad for marriages, like anything else, it's how it's applied that makes the difference. My wife read it for light reading and she was out of other books (she's a Jodi Picoult, Luanne Rice, Jennifer Weiner fan). It had ZERO impact on our marriage. 

The biggest thing I see with the OP is confidence. I wouldn't worry about your wife rushing off to read. My wife, who NEEDS to be asleep at a certain point, will stay up 1 to 2 hours beyond "bedtime" if she has a very good book. You should still tell her your feelings, that your call at the end of the night is very important and maybe you need to change how it's done because you love her and need that connection before going to sleep. You feel it's a little disrespectful of you and your feelings to be rushed off the phone so she can get back to her book." But aside from that, be confident. Don't worry about the book. When she's done reading it, talk to her about if she wants to bring any of it into the bedroom.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Porn is about sex. Pure and simple.

These books are more about a complete unrealistic lifestyle and partner.

On them the guy isn't just rich, he's super rich. He has connections, power, and can provide anything and everything without any effort.

Just like the sex. He never ever ever does a wrong thing. He just happens to know the perfect way to do everything to her, regardless f her personal fears or opinions on the subject.

All she does is coo , melt, worry, get into it, and cum.

She's feeling moody - no worry he fixes her right up, because while she didnt know it before hand, what she really needed was a harsh spanking and then sex. Whamo - bad mood cured perfectly.

These books create reasonable expectations about every aspect of a persons life, and they also remove all responsibility from the woman - the heroines job is to be lead by Christian as her shows her one mind blowing wonder after another. Never making a mistake , never failing to take her higher and higher.

Where they ruin relationships is that they get the woman interested in trying these things which blew her mind and body, but they also want to try them with the guy who is perfect every time even the first time.

Then they look at their husband and see a real person and they realize he is a full blown real person, and what they want is that other guy who's been trained in the ways of BSDM for years by the rich and powerful woman who trained him.

For most they move on, but for a bunch of others they've been shown a glimpse of the perfect life, so they seek it out by having an affair with a guy who isn't a full person to them, but instead a fantasy.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

I actually don't have an opinion one way or the other. I just wanted to put up that pic for the longest


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

^^^ I wish I could like that multiple times. :rofl:

Yes. The 50 Shades books are ridiculously badly written crap. A book marketer's wet dream, if you will. To take something so bad and make it such a phenomenon. 

But--- one thing that seems to be at play here is that this is bringing aspects of BDSM and other less 'vanilla' sex practices into the mainstream. It's like what happened two generations ago with the Story of O. We've become accustomed to things that were considered really racy once upon a time (anyone remember hearing about how the 'butter' scene in the X-rated Last Tango in Paris was so 'hot' and controversial? pretty tame compared to what's on cable now), so everything is getting more and more out there to get people interested -- and buying.

As to the OP's situation, I think Shaggy brings up a really good point that gets to the heart of what bothers many men and women about erotica vs. porn. Porn bothers a lot of women because of the the unrealistic bodies portrayed on video. No, CM, most women will not ever look like Jenna Jameson. They can't afford or don't want the implants, and their lives don't allow for all of the tanning, workouts, airbrushing, etc. So, yes, they feel quite inadequate next to the Barbie dolls their men are jerking off to. Not for a minute do they think that their men are picturing them in the place of the porn star. Body image is a huge problem for many women anyway, and this feeds right into that. 

OTOH, if Shaggy is right, more than a few men are troubled by the possibility that women are carried away by the fantasy of the relationship (including sex) with a character like the guy in 50 Shades, whose qualities touch on things that hit at mens' feelings of in/adequacy: how much money they make, how confident they are, how well they perform sexually. 

I think this could be a really good starting point for a discussion between couples, IF both partners could leave their defensiveness and feelings of entitlement aside for a while. Instead of focusing on each person's 'right' to watch porn or read erotica, listen to the real issues that are making the other partner insecure or nervous. I think the hurt related to the other partner's dismissal of feelings digs deeper than the actual act of watching the porn or reading 50 Shades. 

I would totally and absolutely disagree that women reading 50 Shades has ended marriages, unless these women are dim-witted to begin with. If a woman really thinks she's going to walk out of a marriage and into the waiting arms of a rich, dominant man with all kinds of kinky sex tricks that he's just waiting to use on her, well, she deserves what she'll end up with.  It (and other romance/erotica) _could_ make a woman realize that there's a lot more to sex if what she has with her partner is same old/same old. And if bringing this up with her partner, either through talking or trying to spice things up herself, isn't getting any response from her man, yes, she may be unsatisfied. But then you guys say the same thing to justify some of the things you do after watching porn. 

So how many of you are willing to level the playing field and outlaw all porn and erotica? Anyone? Bueller? 

Yeah, that's what I thought.  

If both partners could really talk and really listen from the heart when these issues come up, I think a lot of the hurt and anger would dissipate.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

The books are waaayyy tamer than everyone seems to believe! There was no fisting, not that I can remember anyway. It started out pretty strong, but never really went anywhere, in my opinion. I was pretty disappointed actually. The "heroine" was unlikable, Mr Gray was ridiculous, and the writing was awful. The Sleeping Beauty trilogy was much wilder than anything in these books, if your wife wants smut, those are the way to go!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

The Sleeping Beauty books were some freaky sh!t. I couldn't get through those, lol.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Read all three,loved them.They were way more freaky than 50shades. The writing was absolutely fantastic.Also,it never pretended to be some sort of romantic comedy erotica fantasy rolled into one.It was straight up bdsm erotica naughtiness. 

Then again,I'm not a God fearing christian wife and mom so they may offend a lot of people.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Read all three,loved them.They were way more freaky than 50shades. The writing was absolutely fantastic.Also,it never pretended to be some sort of romantic comedy erotica fantasy rolled into one.It was straight up bdsm erotica naughtiness.
> 
> Then again,I'm not a God fearing christian wife and mom so they may offend a lot of people.


Yep, I had read them before I read 50 Shades, so to me, 50 Shades was pretty much a yawner! People who think it was racy need to read Sleeping Beauty!

(for those of you who are now curious, Google The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by A N Roquelaure!)


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Sleeping Beauty was off the chain.

I refuse to read the 50 Shades just like I refused to read the Twilight series. I have ZERO interest in either. The SB series had me thinking... WHOA. Anne Rice (A.N. Roquelaure) has quite the imagination... which I gathered from all of her other books. Read them all.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

50 Shades = Twilight + S/M. 

Neither's particularly well written or believable. I couldn't get through either series, but finished 1-2 books of each.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I'm glad this book came out and has caused such a frenzy....because ultimately it causes more communication between spouses.

The whole porn/erotica thing is something that I think couples should discuss and negotiate. If you didn't bother to have those discussions with your spouse (about their preferences and boundaries in marriage) and just go ahead on your own and dive into erotic material, you can expect you might get a surprise when your spouse catches you.

Why not just discuss these things to begin with so there won't be any misunderstandings or hard feelings?

This book has caused a lot of open discussions and a lot of sex, so it isn't all bad.

The future will be paved with women being more sexual in general. Speaking more sexually, behaving more sexually, viewing and reading more sexual material. Men need to get ready for this and they need to let go of the notion that they are the only ones who "need porn". Mommies need porn, too.

Soon it will not be the books, more often, it will be videos. The numbers are already rising so quickly that the people who are young now will both (men and women) be watching porn in equal numbers. Once that happens - - and it will be sooner than we think - - these open discussions will need to happen more often. Because even though a lot men think "heck I'd like it if my woman watched porn"...many men don't actually know what this will be like when it happens to them. They will be in for quite the shock when they realize just how sexual women really are.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I actually like these books. 

Being jealous of these books and the character in the book is surprising to me. They are just books, and the character was a creation. 

Christian Grey has a unique personality, and that's what kept me interested. He was always playful, and I think that's what sex needs. We need to be playful when we have sex.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Your wife is merely interested in the book. If she DOES think about anything in the book, she is thinking about what she wants to do with you. If you are uncomfortable with her reading it, you should just tell her how you feel and ask her to stop. I'm sure if she thinks it hurts your feelings she will stop.

It's not amazing literature. I find it kind of interesting to think about the effects of childhood abuse/sexual abuse. It isn't a healthy relationship but they both work through a lot of their issues.

(I think there was fisting in the elevator but I don't recall ANAL fisting. ow. actually, ow to both.)


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> 50shades is the most awful piece of trash book I ever tried to finish.I actually find myself thinking less of people when they say they love the series.
> 
> I think erotica,REAL erotica without all the fluffy romance thrown in,is healthier than romance novels and porn if read as a couple. I don't think someone is justified in being hurt by porn viewing when they're in a corner reading 50shadesofsh*t. You need to talk to her about this and express how you feel.
> 
> ...


:allhail:

Best review I have read! The book is totally rediculous, with a very good marketing plan. 

OP, maybe your sex life needs some spicing up, but don't pull out the nipple clams just yet.

Just let this go, not everything you read is something you want to act upon. Look at porn, is what you see really a reasonable expectation?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

I'm planning on buying the Sleeping Beauty books for my wife about 5 weeks after our baby is born. (Gotta give her 1 week to rev up  ). 50 shades didn't bring ANYTHING into our bedroom. We even tried reading it together (a fun activity we do together) and got through about 5 pages LOL.


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

I don't know if you need a woman's perspective in this regard. but trust me i have read that series 3 times now and i am still addicted to it. And i do NOT get turned on by reading all that sis printed. This book is an addiction and there is nothing wrong in it. Every night after saying goodnight to my husband, i read for half an hour or so and then go to bed. I tell him I am too tired and this is my relaxation mantra. The book is not just about sex but also about the relationship between two of them and way it takes shape n all. there us much more to it. SO stop worrying unnecessarily. talk to her if you need to.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Dad&Hubby said:


> I'm planning on buying the Sleeping Beauty books for my wife about 5 weeks after our baby is born. (Gotta give her 1 week to rev up  ). 50 shades didn't bring ANYTHING into our bedroom. We even tried reading it together (a fun activity we do together) and got through about 5 pages LOL.


I read them. I didn't enjoy it much. 

To me the sex is like animal sex, no feeling in it.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

greenpearl said:


> I read them. I didn't enjoy it much.
> 
> To me the sex is like animal sex, no feeling in it.


Yeah, and for the most part it won't do anything, but I know my wife, the pure "raunch" being well written will probably perk her up a bit. It's not about the actual act revving her up, she's not going to want to do the things in sleeping beauty, but the issue of how UNREALISTIC it is will do more for her. It's hard to explain.

But we did have a very enlightening conversation a while ago. The difference between hot and fantasy. There are things my wife finds "hot and steamy" but would NEVER want to do it or even dream of herself and/or me in the situation. But she can still appreciate the sexuality of it. Those are the "hot" things. Then there are fantasies which she CAN imagine herself and/or me in. The Sleeping beauty books would definitely be very "hot" for her.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> Have to disagree with that. Books turn loose the wildest source of unrealistic expectations - your imagination. If you have trouble realizing that these thoughts are just fiction, then trouble is coming.


I was being sarcastic, thanks scarlet.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

50shadesoftrash said:


> Why would a woman who considers herself to be a good Christian, good mother, etc want to read about someone being fisted on an elevator?


How do these things have to do with one another? I'm a Christian myself and I love BDSM. Plenty of "good" women have rape fantasies too, there's nothing wrong with that.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> The Sleeping Beauty trilogy was much wilder than anything in these books, if your wife wants smut, those are the way to go!


The Sleeping Beauty series was decent, but not for everyone.

I'm surprised to see so many people on this forum like them. Ann Rice (the real author) seems to have something against heterosexuals. *Everyone* is bisexual in her books, and almost all the sex described is either gay or lesbian.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

There is a reason AM Cheatersite recommends this book.

It has woken up a dark side in a small but siginificant minority of women who have had affairs to scratch that particular itch with a paramour because they were too embarrassed to ask it of their husbands.

There are numerous cases in CWI where 50 shades was a significant factor. Were there other issues? Of course.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> It has woken up a dark side in a small but siginificant minority of women who have had affairs to scratch that particular itch with a paramour *because they were too embarrassed to ask it of their husbands.*
> 
> .


Don't forget the ones who weren't too afraid to ask their H's were turned down... 

I was extremely turned on by the first book (by the second I was so tired of the same ol'/same ol' and her lip biting that I wanted to cry.) But I never fantasized about anyone except my H acting any of it out with me. He just wasn't interested. Dang!

FTR, no I did not go seek some other man to play it out with me! I just tried a few other tricks to spice up our nightlife.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

MyHappyPlace said:


> Don't forget the ones who weren't too afraid to ask their H's were turned down...
> 
> I was extremely turned on by the first book (by the second I was so tired of the same ol'/same ol' and her lip biting that I wanted to cry.) But I never fantasized about anyone except my H acting any of it out with me. He just wasn't interested. Dang!
> 
> FTR, no I did not go seek some other man to play it out with me! I just tried a few other tricks to spice up our nightlife.


Disagree, though some obviously were. Simply, if you are married already and decide if you have a certain kink and the other person will not go along with it, simply they can not have it in their life OR they are free to divorce first. Sorry destroying another person because you have a kink, bad juju. 

Part of every one of those pre wedding classes should be a solemn promise by each of the intended to tell each other all their secret kinks and a vow to try one on their wedding night and the other persons the night following.

The only things I can think of that should be completely taboo are illegal acts and bringing extra people into the marriage. IE 3somes and swapping which are often disasters.

I am very very glad you turned to H for your kinks. He is a lucky man to have such a loyal loving wife. The majority did not cheat but there are probably somewhere in the millions of affairs triggered by that book. Yes there were other issues but if that book never existed, those affairs would never have happened.

Random idea for you. If you are still interested and its not into the too wierd category... (fisting a woman on her period is kinda out there, actually fisting a woman at all is kinda out there, plus not alot of men are going to willingly enlarge the vagina of the woman in their life.) Ask for it for the only gift on your birthday. If Im reading you correct and he deeply loves you, perhaps...

Light s/m aka spanking, b aka a lil rope or blindfolds or d/s. Not my thing but it the wife asked, I would be willing to on occasion for her. Not that it will happen.

Tried reading 50S. Was at Target. Read the first chapter. Was harder to read than "the sun also rises" that they made me read in college, and that is saying something.

Did he at least turn you down nicely and not make you feel like a freak?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I really don't understand what's the big " turn on" in this book.

I've read some really hot erotica in the past , especially Victorian era themed erotica and I think from what I've read in the reviews , this story line in this book is really crap.

Don't understand how so many women could be so aroused by such a dysfunctional , deranged character.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

but,but...they can FIX him!! He's a project! A wounded little boy in need of love and understanding in the form of allowing him to whip and fist his way to sound mental health.

oh and don't forget,it's a LOVE story.It isn't just raw slave sex and submission, it's loooooove

*vomit*


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

CM...It is just popular because the particular demographic who got into this book were mostly chicks who had simply never heard of these things before.

Most of the women who were already into erotica declared this book total crap.

But the women for whom this was a first time type of mental journey for them found themselves swept away by the idea. Two gals in my office were reading it at the same time and they both told me "omg you have to read this it is so hot!" Well, these were both young, fairly inexperienced women who had never had anything close to these type of experiences in real life and basically had never even met someone who has to ask about how "real" this whole thing was. Of course a woman reading it knows it is bullcrap, the characters are just characters, etc. But the sex stuff really shocked them because they hadn't been already introduced to any BDSM.

I just told them I was gonna pass on the book because my real sex life is better than the book. They didn't believe me, but only because they are still young enough to not know that it is even possible to have a really great sex life...they are still just trying to figure things out.

A lot of young women really want a great sex life, but do not know how to get one.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

My daughter just sent me the 3 books last week, got them yesterday. I started reading the first one last night. I am getting a D so not sure how I will relate to the books. Daughter thought I could benefit so what the heck, may as well read them


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I've never seen the attraction to anything by Anne Rice. 

The characters motivations seem contrived and beyond unrealistic., and the one ongoing theme seems to be - give in and surrender, followed by that being the path to happiness.

Sorry, but surrender is the easy cowards way of meeting the universe.


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## GeddyHouser (Dec 15, 2012)

There's going to be a movie adaptation of the book.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I can't wait to see the movie actually, just to see if they can come up with anything even remotely "hot" or not.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

GeddyHouser said:


> There's going to be a movie adaptation of the book.


It's a money maker...Of course there will be.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

The best part for me was that this virgin, whose never masturbated, orgasms _twice_ in her first sexual encounter, ever. Once when her nipples are being stimulated(rofl) and then I think the second was when they were having intercourse, after he'd pounded into her...because virgins can take roughness like that, and then orgasm. Not to mention the writing was unbearably atrocious. 

 It was NOT stimulating or arousing in any way at all. It was the creepiest thing I've ever ready. I was more aroused by romance novels when I used to read them.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> but,but...they can FIX him!! He's a project! A wounded little boy in need of love and understanding in the form of allowing him to whip and fist his way to sound mental health.
> 
> oh and don't forget,it's a LOVE story.It isn't just raw slave sex and submission, it's loooooove
> 
> *vomit*


Oh yes, a wounded little boy who happens to be one of the richest men in the world. Oh yes, it's all about love and kinky sex.

Let's take a quote from a Woody Allen movie shall we? Addressing a certain woman who's disappointed in his real status he replies,

"You wouldn't be caught dead in bed with a cashier!"

That says it all about this particular book.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"You wouldn't be caught dead in bed with a cashier!"

....unless he is 6'4" and full of muscles.


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## GeddyHouser (Dec 15, 2012)

I would like be 6'4" and full of muscles just one day to see what its like :smthumbup:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's just a book. And from what I have heard, a really bad one where the protagonist has zero personality and is a doormat.

Ugh. No, thanks. Not interested in reading it ever.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Twerking > Fifty Shades








Just sayin'


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOL SW :rofl:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> I really don't understand what's the big " turn on" in this book.
> 
> I've read some really hot erotica in the past , especially Victorian era themed erotica and I think from what I've read in the reviews , this story line in this book is really crap.
> 
> *Don't understand how so many women could be so aroused by such a dysfunctional , deranged character*.


And I heard the writing is AWFUL. Yuck.

Oh and I agree with the bolded part.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I bought the first one for the wife. We both agree the writing is crap. However, I'm convinced it got some ideas rolling around in her head that maybe weren't at the forefont of her mind. Or maybe they were and she's just getting more comfortable with them. Either way, win.

If it helps me get laid, I'm glad that I paid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> I've never seen the attraction to anything by Anne Rice.
> 
> The characters motivations seem contrived and beyond unrealistic., and the one ongoing theme seems to be - give in and surrender, followed by that being the path to happiness.
> 
> Sorry, but surrender is the easy cowards way of meeting the universe.


and now that she's a born again Christian her motivations finally come into sharp focus.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

I absolutely hated "50 Shades", it's a sad, pathetic series of books which has absolutely no real basis in what a healthy relationship should be like.
The sex didn't offend me, the sick, twisted co-dependent relationship is what offended me.
She's so pathetic, it's really sad to me how many women want to be like her & I don't mean the BDSM part. 
If someone thinks that this book represents a healthy, adult relationship they want to aspire to, then I think they need to re-evaluate what they think a healthy relationship looks like.
That so many woman have responded positively to this book/ series shows just how a lot of people are really confused when it comes to romanticizing unhealthy relationships & fantasy lives.
I believe it's the co-dependent, jacked up relationship that women are responding to, NOT the sex, as there are other books written with much better sex scenes that aren't even considered erotica.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Considering that 50 Shades started out as Twilight fan-fic, it doesn't surprise me at all that the relationship would be dysfunctional, and that the books would be just as popular as Twilight.

Admiring Emotionally Abusive Relationships: What Our Attraction to Twilight's Edward Means for Us


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Phenix70 said:


> The sex didn't offend me, the sick, twisted co-dependent relationship is what offended me.
> She's so pathetic, it's really sad to me how many women want to be like her & I don't mean the BDSM part.
> 
> 
> I believe it's the co-dependent, jacked up relationship that women are responding to, NOT the sex, as there are other books written with much better sex scenes that aren't even considered erotica.


This is what I have heard over and over again about the book. Like, I said, no thanks. I am sick of reading about women in books with zero personality who are doormats, who hang their entire existence upon being in a relationship and/or fawn all over some dude with no life outside of him. Dime a dozen in the literary world, sadly.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

And there's _much_ better erotica out there, too, just sayin'


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Indeed!


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

50shadesoftrash said:


> Why would a woman who considers herself to be a good Christian, good mother, etc want to read about someone being fisted on an elevator? I would be less concerned if she was watching porn, I never fantasized about having a relationship with a woman I saw in a porn....


It gets SOME women to enjoy what is considered taboo. Read the book and reenact the good parts


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Caribbean Man said:


> Don't understand how so many women could be so aroused by such a dysfunctional , deranged character.


Because nice guys finish last. In "erotica" and real life.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My husband is an extraordinarily nice guy.

And a sex god.

A man can be both.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> And I heard the writing is AWFUL. Yuck.
> 
> Oh and I agree with the bolded part.


Because he is the super rich bad boy that changes his ways because he falls in love with this girl so hard. She accepts that he is a sexual deviant and he expands her horizons and she is sooo special because he stops all of his bad behaviors for her. That 's sooo dreamy. Plus he buys her a Audi R8. Despite the fact that probably ten years down the road he gets bored with her. Likely falls back into his old ways. She becomes just another special slave, and starts recreating his harem behind her back. 

Yea that's reality.


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## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

The writing was abysmal, the sex scenes were meh. Go to literotica.com and find yourself something better.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> My husband is an extraordinarily nice guy.
> 
> And a sex god.
> 
> A man can be both.


Woot! :smthumbup: You're lucky, Faithful!



badbane said:


> Plus he buys her a Audi R8. Despite the fact that probably ten years down the road


:rofl:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Boottothehead said:


> The writing was abysmal, the sex scenes were meh. Go to literotica.com and find yourself something better.


Will put that site on my to-do list (muahaha)


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

I haven't read the other responses so my apologies if this has been talked about already! 

Men are (in general) more visual and straight-forward when it comes to sex. You see sexy woman, you want sex with sexy woman! Simple!

Women and sex... a bit more complicated. Emotions come into play a lot more for females when it comes to being aroused (generally speaking again, of course). We need a lot more fuel to light our fire. Be it an idea, a fantasy, a strong emotion, something MORE is needed along with visuals to get us to the same level of arousal as men would feel looking at a sexy naked woman.

Neither is weird or wrong, we are just DIFFERENT.

Now lets approach the topic of Porn.

The regular Porn industry is predominantly made for men. It fuels the mostly visual needs to become aroused.

Porn for Women, is essentially romance novels, and books like 50SoG. The most important aspect is that the stories, and emotions that surround the sexual parts of the novel fuel the emotional fire that leads to true arousal for many women. Visuals are less important, as women are more internal imagining a sexual situation the way they like it.

SO to get to answering your question: NO you are not wrong or weird to be bothered by your wife reading the book. You have a right to feel the way you want about it, and I believe you should speak to her about your feelings. In fact, you are describing the almost exact situation many wives find themselves in when confronted with their husbands Porn use.

HOWEVER I must ask; Do you watch Porn? Do you read playboys, Maxim, etc? If you do, having an issue with your wife's reading of HER porn is somewhat hypocritical, and you may have issue there. Also consider that even though you are happy with your sex life, she may be missing some kind of emotional connection needed for her to be as happy as you, and is now looking for that in books like 50SoG. I suggest talking to her and finding out if there is something more she needs in the bedroom.

Even if so, you still have a right to let her know if her Porn usage is interfering with your happiness. So let her know how you feel!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

CBL... Some really good stuff there!

Women are visual to a certain extent. The wife lusts mightily for the property brothers and that basement converting guy on HGTV to the point of looking up their bios and their wives/girlfriends.

LOL. Doesnt bother me. I know damn well they are hotter than me. Im hetero and can can see it.

The problem with 50S is that it woke up a dark side of a small fraction but still large overall number of women who would never done anything outside the marriage until they read the books. AM cheatersite has it recommended for a reason.


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