# Well. What’s next



## TBY1

If you read my previous posts you will understand the issues here 
I decided myself after my wife put me up in an air b n b for a week to make a choice
She wanted me to move into a shared house for 6 months and to see how we got on and if things improved as we both claim we want. 
She invited me back to her family home for the last 2 nights of the air b n b cos I said I’m not hanging around here and I’m gonna head back towards my family 160 miles away. 
We had 2 very emotional days, tears and cuddles. If it was even offered to screw I’d have declined. I wanted her to actually genuinely want me and her feelings expressed
Im about to leave she breaks down tells me she truly loves me and doesn’t want me to go 
I take our car, drive 3 hours and have 2 interviews and secure both if i want them. 

Phone her today and offer her the chance to meet up but she declines saying we need this space and to work things out! 

Now she has blocked my lines of communication! If I didn’t love her so much i wouldn’t care, she is everything to me and all I want on this earth 

Fak my life 

What should I do


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## Jamieboy

Take the job, work on your issues, give her and you space. See my previous post on your other thread. My advice is still the same


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## TBY1

Jamieboy said:


> Take the job, work on your issues, give her and you space. See my previous post on your other thread. My advice is still the same


How long is space needed. 2 days in and I’m craving her like never before


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## farsidejunky

TBY1 said:


> How long is space needed. 2 days in and I’m craving her like never before


You are asking the wrong question.

The right question is how long are you willing to tolerate this yo-yo nonsense?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## LisaDiane

You have ALL the answers to your questions from posters in your previous threads. 

You are craving her like never before...? Get a GRIP...do you honestly believe THOSE feelings are the ones you should be paying attention to when making this major decision?? You are making choices based solely on your emotions, which are totally unstable and all over the place. 

If you stay with her right now, you have no one but yourself to blame when it blows up in your face (AGAIN).


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## TBY1

farsidejunky said:


> You are asking the wrong question.
> 
> The right question is how long are you willing to tolerate this yo-yo nonsense?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


I’m not willing to tolerate any of this, I want her by my side and us working on our marriage


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## Jamieboy

TBY1 said:


> I’m not willing to tolerate any of this, I want her by my side and us working on our marriage


I do feel for you, and have had similar struggles myself. I used therapy, its not for everyone but was a good fit for me.

Making decisions to alleviate short term pain will ultimately lead to more pain further down the road. Rarely is doing what's best easy, your relationship is toxic. You need to look to yourself sort yourself out.

You have many issues that make you unappealing to healthy well adjusted partners. Hence you will only attract unhealthy relationships. Do yourself a favour and sort yourself out while you're younger, investing now will mean a bigger pay off later.

Dont do it to win back your lady, do it for yourself.


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## Ursula

TBY1 said:


> How long is space needed. 2 days in and I’m craving her like never before


When my former H and I separated, we gave it 3 months of no contact, then we were to meet back up with the therapist to discuss our future together or apart. Granted, I was completely done with our marriage at that point, so I had zero plans of getting back together. The separation was my ticket out of a toxic marriage, and I took it and ran. Your wife may just need some space to think things over without distraction. Or, she might be like me, and this is her ticket out. 

You need to discuss the separation boundaries with her, decide together what those will be, and you both need to abide by them. When that time is up, you get together and discuss things again, and move forward either together or separately.


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## DudeInProgress

I don’t know what to tell you at this point.

You have received all kinds of guidance, you act like you understand and are ready to take control of your situation - and then you keep coming back with vacillating victim minded weakness and emotional feelings vomit.

Stop wallowing in your feelings, it’s weak, pathetic and counterproductive. When you let your emotions drive your decisions, you get bad decisions and bad outcomes.

It’s like you sort of, almost find your strength and resolve for about 5 minutes but can’t maintain it.

You need to create a plan, based on the life you want, to further your own best interests, not based on emotions - and go execute it.
Take control of yourself and your own ****ing life dude.


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## blackclover3

@TBY1 if I was your wife I would not take you back because you cant man up and stop being needy and doormat. \
sorry for the harsh words - I'm truly sorry. 
it is time for you to wake up and smell flowers or coffee. 

you are a Plan C not even B. 

She doesn't love you - all the cuddling and tears are fake and women are very good with that. 

I'm done from this post - you are wasting your time and our time.


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## Diana7

Take one of the jobs and move away.


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## TBY1

DudeInProgress said:


> I don’t know what to tell you at this point.
> 
> You have received all kinds of guidance, you act like you understand and are ready to take control of your situation - and then you keep coming back with vacillating victim minded weakness and emotional feelings vomit.
> 
> Stop wallowing in your feelings, it’s weak, pathetic and counterproductive. When you let your emotions drive your decisions, you get bad decisions and bad outcomes.
> 
> It’s like you sort of, almost find your strength and resolve for about 5 minutes but can’t maintain it.
> 
> You need to create a plan, based on the life you want, to further your own best interests, not based on emotions - and go execute it.
> Take control of yourself and your own ****ing life dude.


Thing is i dont life without her. She is my everything


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## DudeInProgress

TBY1 said:


> Thing is i dont life without her. She is my everything


And that is why you are failing.
You cannot make her your everything, it’s pathological, weak, wrong and destructive. And it only makes you unattractive, turns her off completely and causes her to feel disrespect and contempt for you.

If / when you are actually ready to take responsibility for, and control of your own life - there are people here who can probably help.
Until then, there’s nothing anyone can do for you. You’re just wasting your time and everyone else’s.
Good luck.


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## She'sStillGotIt

TBY1 said:


> *What should I do*



Go wherever it is your wife is, take her purse, open it up, dig around in it until you find your testicles, then take them BACK.

Good Lord, grow a damned *spine* and show yourself the RESPECT and DIGNITY you've so willingly swallowed in order to be this nasty woman's lapdog.


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## TBY1

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Go wherever it is your wife is, take her purse, open it up, dig around in it until you find your testicles, then take them BACK.
> 
> Good Lord, grow a damned *spine* and show yourself the RESPECT and DIGNITY you've so willingly swallowed in order to be this nasty woman's lapdog.


I’m a lapdog because I love me wife? And want to save my marriage which we both wanted and we both wanted to move to Australia. Just this scumbag ex friend has ruined things


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## TBY1

So she called me tonight and said the fact I brought up the past even thou we both agreed today to forget the past upset and annoyed her 
I can agree on that.

She says she still wants to carry out the plan we have in place
Spend time alone and apart working on each other and then when we’re both ready we meet up and try again 

How long do I give it thou? I’m in bits after only 3/4 days 

I love her so much and never want to lose her


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## karole

TBY1 said:


> So she called me tonight and said the fact I brought up the past even thou we both agreed today to forget the past upset and annoyed her
> I can agree on that.
> 
> She says she still wants to carry out the plan we have in place
> Spend time alone and apart working on each other and then when we’re both ready we meet up and try again
> 
> How long do I give it thou? I’m in bits after only 3/4 days
> 
> I love her so much and never want to lose her


Ugh!!!! Man, just go.


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## Diana7

TBY1 said:


> I’m a lapdog because I love me wife? And want to save my marriage which we both wanted and we both wanted to move to Australia. Just this scumbag ex friend has ruined things


No it's not just him that ruined things, it's her as well. She was just as responsible.


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## Diana7

TBY1 said:


> So she called me tonight and said the fact I brought up the past even thou we both agreed today to forget the past upset and annoyed her
> I can agree on that.
> 
> She says she still wants to carry out the plan we have in place
> Spend time alone and apart working on each other and then when we’re both ready we meet up and try again
> 
> How long do I give it thou? I’m in bits after only 3/4 days
> 
> I love her so much and never want to lose her


I think most of us here can see that she just isn't committed. She just wants to keep you hanging on.


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## Tdbo

TBY1 said:


> Thing is i dont life without her. She is my everything


That's why she holds the power.
Take one of the jobs.
Make her eat your road dust.
Move on without her.
If she has any interest in you, she will make the move.
Operate from a position of strength.
Life is a finite process. 
Don't waste time on drama.


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## Evinrude58

TBY1 said:


> Thing is i dont life without her. She is my everything


And therein lies your problem


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