# this sucks



## jilted husband2013 (Sep 18, 2013)

I have been married for 14years been with my wife 16 years I am currently in Afghanistan I got on to check a phone bill and noticed that my wife had been callin this number and talking for hours so I asked her about it and she said we are just friends chatting and told me his name which I was suspicious I told her that. she did not stop texting him I am not going to say what I do over here but I was able to get into his and her phones and read the messages turns out they were having sex like rabbits he has no job no car no license nothing a loser 33 years old I just found this out sept 11 2013 I told her that we are thru and we are getting a divorce and we are going to tell my 11 year old daughter why we are divorcing I am so angry about this and don't know really what to do there not much I can do from 7,000 miles away


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

OP,

Sorry you are here.

How did she react to your confrontation?

What was her reason for cheating with this dirtbag POS?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This isn't your fault #1

When I was going thru this crap I would tell my self "I diserve good things" I would repeat this over and over again...especially when the mind movies would try to get in my head...I would force them out "I diserve good things"!

Do you have someone back home that can keep an eye on your daughter, to make sure she is all right?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

How much longer before you get back?


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I am sorry you are going through this. I am very worried about you being deployed and having this crap run through your head. You need to keep your head in the game. How much longer are you deployed? I would suggest you talk with the Chaplain about what is going on.

What was the reaction of your wife when you confronted her? Does this POS have a wife or GF? Exposure is always a good thing but I am not sure you want to do that with your daughter here and you there. Are your parents close by to your wife?


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

That does suck!

Some things seem to be in your favor, even though you are 7,000 miles away...

You have hard evidence. You didn't have to suffer through the typical gas-lighting that cheaters often do to their BS.

You want a D and know that it is over. Many suffer because they can't accept the fact that their WS is so bad.

Sorry this is your plight. It would make sense to let the daughter know sooner instead of later. She will be given false info by your STBXWW. I would also let your close friends and family know the truth before she starts with the blameshifting.

I admire your determination to face this head on.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Also,

Inform your command about what is happening.

Get legal advice immediately from JAG about how to protect yourself.

Immediately expose the A and your plans to divorce to both your families and all close friends.

Expose the POS as much as possible.

Find out if he has a significant other/wife and inform her.

Find his parents and thank them for raising such a 'wonderful' son, who would cheat with the W of a soldier deployed to a combat zone.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> Also,
> 
> Inform your command about what is happening.
> 
> ...


Do this^^^^:iagree:


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

jilted husband2013 said:


> I have been married for 14years been with my wife 16 years I am currently in Afghanistan I got on to check a phone bill and noticed that my wife had been callin this number and talking for hours so I asked her about it and she said we are just friends chatting and told me his name which I was suspicious I told her that. she did not stop texting him I am not going to say what I do over here but I was able to get into his and her phones and read the messages turns out they were having sex like rabbits he has no job no car no license nothing a loser 33 years old *I just found this out sept 11 2013 I told her that we are thru and we are getting a divorce and we are going to tell my 11 year old daughter why we are divorcing I am so angry about this and don't know really what to do there not much I can do from 7,000 miles away*


The days immediately after finding out are very tough.

You feel you have no control from 7,000 miles away, but the truth is that this happens all of the time to spouses who share a bed every night.

I think it's still too soon to decide whether to divorce or not.

How long has the affair been going on? How does your wife know this guy? What did your wife say when you told her you are divorcing her? What was your opinion of your wife before this happened?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I would be concerned about whether or not your daughter is being exposed to the other man, and what risk that might pose to her.

Can you talk to your family and your wife's family to let them know what is going on and ask them to check on your daughter?


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## jilted husband2013 (Sep 18, 2013)

how do I see what people post on my thread so I can replie back


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## jilted husband2013 (Sep 18, 2013)

only been going on 4 4months our relationship is great ya my daughter has never met the guy so she kept him away from her and I have talked to her parents so it just sucks that I am over here I will be back in oct


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## jilted husband2013 (Sep 18, 2013)

ya I have done that and already went to jag so all that is squared


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## jilted husband2013 (Sep 18, 2013)

oh ya everybody knows


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## jilted husband2013 (Sep 18, 2013)

her reason was because she was lonely and she got needs I get back in oct


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

Incredibile! feel badfor what happend to you and pixxed-off as well!
Wonder if she knows what is going to hit her!!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I wish I could give you some awesome advice. All I can do is say sorry you are going thru this, and I thank you for your service to our country.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

This crap kept me busy when I was in Iraq. Can't tell you the number of guys that threatened to kill themselves over this stuff, wives cheating while they were in combat. One of my jobs was to work with these soldiers to keep their heads together. We did not send any of them home and fortunately none of them pulled the trigger. Some came close, one soldier when we kicked in his door to his room had the barrel of his M-4 in his mouth and his finger on the trigger. Believe it or not it was his wife who alerted us to what he was doing (they were skyping) and she told him that she was cheating on him with his friend. 

Brother, hang in there. Talk to your buddies, work out extra hard when you can. Get plenty of rest. Save all the evidence and have a plan when you get home. You do not want to confront her while you are still in combat mode. 

I don't know how you are wired but if you feel yourself slipping let someone know about it. I was an E-8 and soldiers came to talk to me quite a bit. I remember the first time a soldier came into my office and handed me his 9 MM and his M-4 and sat down. He was a SSGT, an MP, a tough guy and he was ready to do something bad. I am like, what the F are you doing handing me your weapons. Never had that happen before and we were in country about a week. I had the same thing happen to me over a dozen times. Soldiers or Marines would walk into my office and hand over their weapons and sit down. Most of these guys did not know me but had heard that they could come talk to me if they were having problems. 

Don't hesitiate to get help if you need it. None of the guys that came to me did anything to hurt themselves but they were thinking about it. 

In my job I could not report anything a soldier or Marine shared with me. Not a thing. The Supreme Court upheld this decison that my position had complete confidentiality. I could not report a soldier raping a baby, killing civilians, another soldier, etc. I could not report a dam* thing. Command sgt. Majors and commanders would come to my office demanding that I tell them things about their soldiers and I would ask them to get out of my office and talk to JAG or the freaken Supreme Court. I would not even tell them who I talked with. 

Too many of our deployed military members go through enough stress while deployed that they don't need their wives or husbands cheating on them. But that does not stop this from happening. 

Do not go home and pull out a can of whoop arse on her.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Thousands of other military wives, have needs and they didn't destroy their H, to satisfy those needs---they waited like a loving wife would/should do

This woman needs to be gone---she not only KNOWINGLY wrecked your life, but that of her won daughter also---this done while you are in harms way---and doing everything possible to make sure she is safe and in a good world----and t do you get for gratitude!!!!!!

Tell her to go live with her loser of an AP----tween the 2 of them, they might survive under a freeway somewhere----soon as you are back---kick her off the military post----lets see how well she satisfies her needs then


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> This crap kept me busy when I was in Iraq. Can't tell you the number of guys that threatened to kill themselves over this stuff, wives cheating while they were in combat. One of my jobs was to work with these soldiers to keep their heads together. We did not send any of them home and fortunately none of them pulled the trigger. Some came close, one soldier when we kicked in his door to his room had the barrel of his M-4 in his mouth and his finger on the trigger. Believe it or not it was his wife who alerted us to what he was doing (they were skyping) and she told him that she was cheating on him with his friend.
> 
> Brother, hang in there. Talk to your buddies, work out extra hard when you can. Get plenty of rest. Save all the evidence and have a plan when you get home. You do not want to confront her while you are still in combat mode.
> 
> ...


For guys with W wives back home, do they have trouble concentrating on their combat assignments? Which I assume could be disastrous, as other poster alluded to.


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## motherofone (Jan 10, 2013)

My family has many service members. And while neither party has life easy, there is no excuse for cheating in my book. 

As someone with a mountain of problems converging all at once I have still found happiness and peace. You've made a decision now you have to detach. When things get difficult, feel free to message me or anyone else. My heart goes out to you. From afar your number one job is to be a great dad and a great soldier. The divorce and drama is all just white noise. Yeah it needs to be dealt with but having those moments for you or for you and your daughter should be treasured. 

When I started down my own path, I did start praying, reading and writing my own mantras. Looking back but still not through the process I see the growth in myself. It makes a better me. 

My first mantra to share is: Make each day matter. 

Thank you for your service and I am sorry the military community is so tight knit some times.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Sigh. Thank you for your service. Sorry it cost you your marriage. I know like 10 military. like 7 were cheated on.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

Dude, you deserve better. There's never an ok time to cheat, but the fact that you're in a foreign country in danger makes it a little worse. My wife was faithful to me while I was in Iraq in 2005, and on top of that, she didn't blow our money. You deserve not to be cheated on. There are faithful women out there.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP thank you for your service to our country. I am sorry for the spot you are in. 

Is this your first deployment? Just wondering if she is a repeat cheater. 

I know the situation sucks. I had a cheating wife also. 

Did yours display any remorse? Does she want th divorce? Do you care what she wants at this point? 

Stay strong and active. Watch the booze i fell into that trap and it only made things worse. 

All the best
Wd
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

To cheat on a spouse who is serving in the military is a special kind of despicable...while he is out risking his life for our freedom and security she is betraying him....actually makes me want to vomit...


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> To cheat on a spouse who is serving in the military is a special kind of despicable...while he is out risking his life for our freedom and security she is betraying him....actually makes me want to vomit...


:iagree::iagree:


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

JH, if you have some leave built up, talk to your command for a hardship return, or tell them the nature of your problem. They are pretty open minded about these things. This issue can interfere with the military's mission statement. Conflict can bring safety issues. When I did my turn, I had a similar for my dad. Was on a plane two days later. They can live without you, unless you're doing secret squirrel stuff. Make sure you tell them about the physical problems as well, they don't play when it comes to a person with issues like this. Good luck.


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## Baablacksheep (Aug 29, 2013)

I'm sorry to hear this .Thank you for serving our country and it hurts to hear that this is affecting you and your child. This is NOT your fault ! Please talk to your chaplain or someone when you feel discouraged or down. She's not worth your life ! You are doing an honorable thing and she's not holding up her end.


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## Foghorn (Sep 10, 2012)

Lonely. Right.

Get a dog!

I am so sorry you are going through this. Put your head down and power through it until you can get home. Your daughter needs her Dad.

And, thank you for your service to this country.

-FH


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Man, edit your post, take out the reference to what you might have done to get proof, as I will delete this post as soon as you do. And never, ever speak of that to anyone again. you have enough problems.


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