# I think he cheated and is ashamed of me



## a_rey1 (Mar 31, 2012)

My husband and I have been together for 3 years, married for 6 months. I just feel like he is ashamed of me. My husband joined the army in October '09 and left for basic in January '10. Before he left, he used to take me out and "show me off" he would always hold my hand and kiss my cheek and just be loving in public. A couple months after he came back from basic, I saw him talking to his ex girlfriend on myspace (I didn't snoop, they left comments on each others' page). She was telling him that she's so proud of him and he replied that nobody is ever proud of him or supports him like that. That is obviously a lie and it pissed me off. They also made plans to hang out and I told him not to because it made me uncomfortable. He still went and lied about it, I had to find out from my sister(she's friends with the girl) He was constantly ignoring me and I felt he only wanted to see me when he wanted to. He then got stationed in Washington so we had a long distance relationship for a year and a half. During that time he constantly told me he was alone and didn't talk to me, especially girls, and always made me feel guilty for hanging out with my friends. I came to find out that he had been hanging out with his friends and drinking. 2 months into our marriage I found him going through my message and he got really mad and jealous because I told my sister one of his friends was cute for her.

4 months later I went through his phone after we ha a fight and he left. He was messaging a girl he used to have feelings for just 5 months before we were married. They made plans to hang out and they were talking like they had seen each other multiple times and like they were in love. He'd always tell me that when he came home, he'd only see his family and me. Since he's joined the army he was never really touchy-feely with me in public. Now after we're married, he walks ahead of me or behind me in public, he never wants to take me out, if I try to hold his hand in public he moves away and looks at me weird. His friends are always inviting us out but he'll make excuses like "My wife doesn't wanna go an apparently that means I can't go either". It always makes me so mad. I recently went through his phone and facebook because this girl keeps trying to contact him and I found and old message of theirs. About a year ago she had gone to his house and something happened. In the message she said she wanted to see him again and he told her that he thought it would awkward because of what happened the last time an she told him that she really wanted to pick up where they left off and finish what they started. I think he cheated on me as well.

What do you think? If he's cheated on me then I need to leave him, but I need advice before because I don't want to be paranoid. Help me, please!

P.s. Sorry for the long story


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

You guys have a bad spiral going. He probably started it by talking to other girls, now you are mad at him, making him want to spend less time with you, making him want to talk to other girls. This is aggravated by the military lifestyle. Do you two live together now. I'd have a nonconfrontational talk and see if he wanted to work on your relationship. He is going to have to put you first, and perhaps you'll have to change a few things too. If he doesn't , before you have kids, I don't know if this relationship can survive.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Sit the dude down and give him a month to get his s*** together. Don't expect him to change much. Get yourself ready to divorce him.

Marrying military guys who get deployed is a very different lifestyle than the normal marriage. Are you sure you want to live like this? He doesn't sound like marriage material at all.

I would give him the divorce talk right away. He needs to wake up.


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## Valerie50 (Mar 30, 2012)

You really need to sit down and communicate how you are feeling. Maybe his feelings have changed and he wants out. You've been married for such a short time and his behavior is totally inappropriate. Really think about if this is how you really want to live. What he is doing is not your fault, he is a big boy and makes his own choices


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## a_rey1 (Mar 31, 2012)

Thank you all for your help. I just never understood WHY he would cheat on me since the start of our relationship, we were always so close. We were always there for each other and we'd both go to the ends of the earth for each other. Some days he's just like the person I fell in love with and some days he's just not.... He's changed so much and although he says he loves me and wants to be with me and only me, sometimes I just don't believe him. I'm packing up my stuff and heading back to my mom's. If he wants me still, then he's going to have to fight for me back. If not, I'm done.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

a_rey1 said:


> He's changed so much and although he says he loves me and wants to be with me and only me, sometimes I just don't believe him. I'm packing up my stuff and heading back to my mom's. If he wants me still, then he's going to have to fight for me back. If not, I'm done.


That's the right attitude to have. He sounds really immature and like he wasn't ready for marriage. If he isn't fighting to keep you, then you are better off without him. Sounds like you're strong and have the support you need. Go completely 180. Hang in there. If he isn't going to treat you well, then he doesn't get to keep you around to treat you badly! You deserve better.


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