# Married for 10 months and feeling like its all a mistake!



## Mumofone (Mar 16, 2010)

Hi, I am new to this forum and looking for a bit of advice, I am 27 years old, with British Citizenship and live in Canada with my Husband, he is sponsoring me to Immigrate from the UK. We have been together for 4 1/2 years, we have a 3 year old daughter together. My Husband also has 2 13 year old sons (twins) from a previous marriage. 

I became pregnant with our daughter only 6 months into our relationship, everything was great between us until our daughter was born, the moment we brought her home everything changed, he became much less attentive to me, to the point where I felt like I am invisible. From then on we had problems in our relationship, we would have fights frequently, mostly over money as I am not allowed to work in Canada and my husband supports our family. To add to that he has a liking for playing poker and has lost lots of money in the past few years! 

In 2008 I decided to leave him and take our daughter to the UK for a break. I thought that maybe this would make him realise that things were not ok. Any time I had tried to talk to him he got really aggressive with me. 

During my Time in the UK we both had time to think, he begged me to return and admitted he has a gambling problem. So in 2008 we decided to give things another go after 5 weeks we got engaged and got married in May 2009. For the past 10 months I have felt like I could have made a big mistake. In 3 weeks time we are mailing my application for permanent residency however I get the feeling that my Husband is just going through the motions of being married for the sake of our daughter, but doesn't really want to be in the marriage with me! 

I bend over backwards for him but get little in return, we hardly even sleep in the same bed together as he comes home from work 11:30 and falls asleep on the couch, we have what feels like token sex that happens once a month. He puts me down in front of his 2 children every other weekend (they live with their mother) and I am at the point where I don't even know why I came back to Canada and married him! Any advice on how to turn my marriage around for a happy future is very much welcome.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

Ask him if this marriage, with him sleeping on the sofa every night and sex only once a month, is what he wanted for himself out of marriage. And if it's not, what suggestions does he have for fixing it so the marriage is like what he wanted.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

are you truely looking to turn the marriage around... and if so then it has to work both ways or it will not work. 

he needs to give you a plan for how it will change, if he can't do that i would say leave... i am all for marriage and making it work but with that said children are not always better just because both parents are living together they see a broken family they grow up thinking broken is ok.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ask him WHY he became distant after the birth of your daughter. Men often pull back after a birth because the woman becomes totally absorbed with the baby, and forgets she has a husband. I'm not saying you did this, but it's worth asking yourself if you did.


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## Photoninja (Mar 21, 2010)

I just want to say I am sorry that you are in this situation, and that I know it's hard my husband works weir hours because of the line of work that he does and i feel like the little sex we do have is just to say we had it. Just remember to not blame your self for the things that are going on, i know thats not always an easy thing to do but thats what you have to remember.


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## Mo Simpson (Jun 3, 2009)

6 months into the relationship and to find yourself pregnant is pretty quick for both of you. Those months and first year or so, was really the time the two of you should've been getting to know each other without the outside pressure of a pregnancy and a new baby.

That being said, these things happen and you both now have to come to terms with where you are.

It seems like some straight and honest talking needs to be done right now or you will never save your marriage. Both of you have to want to save this marriage or it can't be saved with any happiness.

Do you want to be married to him? Does he really want to be married to you? You both need to talk!

Good luck


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

does he still have his gambling problem? or has that obsession been replaced by another one?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Maneo, look at the posting dates. This is from a couple years ago.


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