# honest help needed from females



## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

Alright, so to start, I think I am pretty screwed. However, here it goes.

I am 18 she is 19 and we have known each other for a year. We hung out for a little bit and got close to each other, but she eventually moved on because I took my commitment too slow (stupid I know). That was when I was 17 and she was 18. After a year and a few months we finally REALLY started talking as just friends again, we never completely stopped, but it was like short conversations that were meaningless really.

When we first met she was into me, and I was into her. But then it faded etc.

So we finally hung out for a little at her house with a couple of her friends and had a nice time together. I finally convinced her to let me take her out to dinner, no intentions or anything just as friends, and we went. We spent 8 hours together that night including dinner and had a very nice time. We both didn't stop laughing or smiling for more than a minute.

After I drop her off and head home, we just talk a little bit and I make another stupid move of moving too fast. She said she was tired of dealing with guys because she has been hurt alot over the past year. I truly feel bad about that and want to prove to her I can make her happy. 

My problem is, now I really ****ed up. I wanted to hang out with her again and she was skeptical because she wanted to just be friends and stuff and I said I just want to treat her nice and make her happy. And she told me that was what she was wondering about. So she said that she doesnt want me to think hanging out with her is going to make her want me.

Well, I eventually told her everything, I told her how I felt, how I want to treat her right, want her no matter how much I have to try to make her happy etc.

And I think I scared her away.

I really need to know what I can do here. I know she has to have felt feelings for me, I think she for some reason she just does not want to let them out.

"Now she says You kind of ruined any friendship we could have had."

"Cause I can't be around you anymore"

Which really scares me. I wanted to take everything slow, but I love this girl so much. I really do. I am lost. Its so hard for me to sit back and be patient afraid I might lose her again. 

Please someone atleast close to my age who understands this help me. I just want advice on what to do here.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ignore her. She'll be wondering where you are and contact you.

Seriously, stop being a puppy dog. You are 18...go enjoy life and don't come off as clingy and needy. That's a BIG turnoff. Be cool and collected.

Plus she has a lot of baggage and issues. You can't fix that. You can't fix her.


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## camihuml (Jul 23, 2012)

If you were 28 I'd say pursue her. But at 18 I say ignore her, she will contact YOU, guaranteed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

Thank you for the responses.

are you sure she will? She is more of the stubborn type when it comes to that kind of stuff.

And I know I have to stop being clingy like that. But, I just wanted to show that I cared while I had the chance.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

If a girl runs from you when you tell her you care for her, she's someone you should stay away from. A girl who has feelings for you won't run.


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

She said "Cause I don't want to have feelings for you. I don't want to feel that. I could feel something last time we hung out. I don't know what It was."

I know she felt something, I just think she is afraid to trust or come out.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am not close to your age, ... but I'll give my thoughts anyway...

So many are afraid to *TRUST* today, because of piled up back to back hurts -which sounds you was a part of ....because you took the commitment too slowly (your words).... and now her saying she is tired of dealing with guys because she has been hurt alot over the past year....

So she has built an "emotional WALL" that she fears letting down...she wants to play it SAFE for awhile... not setting herself up for more let downs... 

I commend you for putting yourself out there....trying to get it right this time...that you want to prove to her you are different, that you want her & to make her happy. This should be your place if you hurt her in the past. 

I so agree with Norajane... if a woman wants to spit on a man who is vulnerable like that -with his feelings, she ain't worth your time....in the long run... Nothing worse than letting someone slip through your fingers cause you was too much of a coward to put yourself out there. Maybe a little fast I suppose, but those were your genuine feelings. It's not like you beat her into the ground. I am sure she will be replaying your words over & over in her head....and heart. Relationships get STICKY... it can't be helped !

Believe in what you spoke to her... but give her room to digest it. If she does not show signs of wanting to be with you, don't force anything....it may make her run.... Be there for her... if you feel the need to apologize for speaking too fast.... I can see that ..... But don't start denying your feelings either...you can keep them contained but if she asks you...don't LIE.... then you are getting into stupid game playing. The girl has already had enough "games " from men....so STAND FIRM..... if this is what you truly want. 

Look, if you remained "just friends" with her... what would happen when she started seeing someone else... it would destroy you... so you have drawn your line in the sand... You want HER, you want more than "just friends". 

The fact she said this


> Cause I don't want to have feelings for you. I don't want to feel that. I could feel something last time we hung out. I don't know what It was."


 ...sounds like you got something to work with....Surely some HOPE there.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

You have nothing but time. you are so young. Not terribly long ago, people used to actually wait months, even years for someone they loved. Sometimes it's worth the wait. Don't have to be sitting by the phone, you can date around if you want. But as long as you still love her, never pass up a chance to let her know it--let her see it in your actions--if she gives you one.


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

Thank you first off.

What happened in the past was we were close and she wanted to be together and I never pulled the trigger and when I did, she moved on. I understand I hurt her and it kills me, but over a year later I still feel the same about her so I know my feelings are real and not a joke.

That is exactly what I was worried about if we were just friends, what if she does that. But at the same time I figured atleast she is into my life and I can make her happy and see her happy. 

I understand that if a girl runs from you when you say that its a bad sign. But I dont want to leave because of the emotional wall blocking her from breaking through it and showing her emotions. I told her I want to handle her at her worst to show her that I want her, and I think I take the most solace in your statement 

" Maybe a little fast I suppose, but those were your genuine feelings. It's not like you beat her into the ground. I am sure she will be replaying your words over & over in her head....and heart. Relationships get STICKY... it can't be helped !"

I hope she goes through and read everything I said to her and realizes what she means to me.


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## RDL (Feb 10, 2012)

Hello,

Please be advised that based on what you said this is likely an attraction issue. She does not feel enough attraction to consider you as a potential partner. 

There are a few chief reasons that come to mind for this: 
- maturity while in the teenage years you being younger even by one year makes a big difference in how she perceives you, she will be far more likely to be attracted to older more mature confident more resource men
- your attitude. You present yourself to her as a lower value individual, low confidence and clingy. The nice guy in popular culture. Her natural reaction to this is to view you as at most a friend and be uncomfortable with your advances.

Regarding how you can address the situation. There are a couple of variants that come to mind: 
- persistence works. This has a decent chance of working if you can pull it off. If you persist in the face of her rejection and do so in a bold fashion that for one will make you appear more attractive to her and eventually she will let you in. Please note however that starting a relationship on this premise you coming in as low value bears an imbalance. You will still need to raise your confidence and skill level to be able to keep her

- raising your confidence level/ developing a better attitude. With this approach please keep in mind that a drastic change for the better in your attitude is difficult to pull off. It will likely take time for you to genuinely develop the confidence you need. This means that it is likely you will not be successful with this girl but have a far more balanced premise in the future.

Finally an important issue to note is that the feeling of love that you experience is equivalent to a series of hormones that is released in your brain in sequence and is part of natures powerful way to ensure the survival of our species. In other words it is overwhelming now but with time it fades. 

In order to begin getting informed on attraction and how to build it I suggest checking out seduction communities and take from there what you need.


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## alton (Jul 18, 2012)

Playing it cool is usually the way to go, there is no point pushing someone if they're not into in that way anymore. What you need to do is get her into you by showing her you're the type of guy to make her happy.

I had a really close freind in college and I told her how I felt about her. She said she only saw me as a friend and basically told me in an inderect way that she wasn't attracted to me. I was quite chubby at the time while she was one of those girls in college that could get any guy she wanted so it wasn't a big surprise. 
Things got awkward, we stopped talking properly for 2-3 months. I then texted her telling her I missed her, she replied saying the same and we became friends again. I decided I wouldn't persue her but just show her the kind of boyfriend I could be in a subtle way. And eventually it worked, she kissed me and caught me completely by surprise. We're very happily married now.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

willicks said:


> But I dont want to leave because of the emotional wall blocking her from breaking through it and showing her emotions.


Why would you want to be with someone who has an emotional wall? Wouldn't you rather be with someone actually capable of being open with you?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

camihuml said:


> If you were 28 I'd say pursue her. But at 18 I say ignore her, she will contact YOU, guaranteed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds crazy...but it works. Arghhh. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

I know I should just let her contact me, but Im afraid that might never happen.. just so painful because its processing in my head nonstop. But Im trying my best.

To Alton, that was what I was trying to do with her, I simply wanted to be her friend and show her I could treat her right and make her happy. I just wanted to hangout and have fun together. But then I inserted feelings too fast and she doesnt want to even hangout now. I hope she just thinks about everything I said to her and lets me in.

As to why I want to be with someone who has an emotional wall:

You cant blame someone for being protective of themselves because they have been crushed in the past, its natural instinct. Everyone has an emotional wall, it is just how tall that wall is to climb. Its not like she doesnt let just me in, she doesnt let anyone but her mom and best friend in. I want to break down that wall between us so I can show her everything I say is true, if that makes sense.

Thanks for the help again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Will,

She has told you how she feels. She's not that into you.

Fall back. Do it fast. And do not have contact with her beacuse any contact you have is going to screw you up in the head.

Stop making excuses and trying to make something out of nothing. She's already told you straight up she doesn't want anything with you so you need to believe her and stop making up fantasies. 

It's a harsh truth but you need to accept it and fast.


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

Im not sure if thats entirely true, she used to have feelings, she did feel feelings, I think she might just be afraid.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Man, you're right on the verge of being put into permanent friend zone. Don't be that guy. Ignore her. Move on with your life. Flirt with other girls. Go do something interesting. Don't appear needy or clingy. If you do it right she'll come sniffing around because women want interesting men who are in demand. If you do it wrong then you'll have learned something for the next one.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I want to break down that wall between us so I can show her everything I say is true, if that makes sense.


This is where you are so very wrong. YOU cannot break down her walls. Only SHE can do that. And she has shown you that she does not want to try to do that.

You cannot make a relationship happen no matter how much better you think you know her than she does, and no matter how much you want it.

Your best bet is to realize it's not supposed to be this hard to start a relationship with someone, and if it is this hard, then you are better off moving on and realizing there are millions of other girls out there.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

I am not you age but I do know a bit about women. Do not talk to her untill New Years 2012. During this time I want you to date three women. Teacher, Nurses, Doctors that are single are looking for young men to dance the night away, so meet some women, go out dancing, take them out for some light dinner and maybe a moon lit walk. Then in December if you still feel this way about this girl? Talk to her again./


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

I did do that over the past year and still thought about her.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ok. Ima tell you something I wish someone would have told me (and bashed into my stubborn, stupid head) when i was 18.

MOVE ON. She does NOT want to be with you or else she would be with you. Her "excuses" and "drama" are just a way to keep you at bay while she sees if there are better options available.

Sucks, but true. Move on. Just go live life. You will think of her, but she is toxic and not ready for anything (so she says). Fine. Let her be toxic while you go enjoy and not waste your life. You have ONE chance to be young and it goes quickly. I wasted SO MANY YEARS pinning over people who didn't deserve me. Some of them I did get to date and turns out, they were just too full of drama to really have any decent relationship. NOT worth my time. No. you can't save her or fix her. Find a girl without all this. There ARE girls out there who are not game players. Find one and have fun.

LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHEN THEY SAY/SHOW WHO THEY ARE! it is NOT a reflection on you or if you're good enough. No. No no no.

so there. that's the advice I wish i'd had at your age. Same advice I'd give my own daughter (she's 13).

I know you won't listen, which is the curse of the young...y'all think us old folks don't know our butts from a hole in the ground. but when you're 20 years older, you'll remember this and say, "omg, she was right".  true story.


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

I understand what you say, and it is the right thing to do. Im going to try to let her be and go live my life. 
I just dont want to abandon her when she has few people who care about her in her life. 

If she really cares at all eventually she would contact me like everyone is saying. But I doubt it will happen. Just time to accept the heartbreak I guess.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

How is it abnadonment>? Sje is not your child. She's a grown woman.


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

Yes true. But, by leaving it kind of is doing the same thing she has closed herself off from. Guys only wanting her for certain things. Right?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

willicks said:


> Yes true. But, by leaving it kind of is doing the same thing she has closed herself off from. Guys only wanting her for certain things. Right?


Dude, SHE was the one who told you that she can't be friends with you. You have no reason to feel that you are abandoning her or anyone.

You are NOT her savior. Let her live her own life.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, you have a savior complex. She is being left by people because she pushes them away! It's her problem to change, not yours.

But, waste more time trying to "prove" yourself to her. She KNOWS and it already doesn't change her mind. She's waiting for her "dream" man, who is probably a "bad boy". At that age, no woman-child wants a guy who is actually nice to her. Ok, some do, but she's not one. I just have this feeling.

Sorry to be blunt, but you are YOUNG! Go be young.


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## Smoke (Jul 17, 2012)

Dude, you're 18. Go be 18. Don't be hanging up on a girl that wants to go out and be a 19 year girl.

You only get one crack at 18. Don't waste it. You will get more girls than you can probably handle.

Go have fun. :smthumbup:


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

I know Im only 18 once, its not like I have a problem getting girls. I realize what youre saying about everything and yea I just have to leave her alone, maybe one day she'll realize it and stuff.

Just hard when youre not a normal 18 y/o. I dont think like 18 year olds, I dont act like 18. I mean while everyone was in high school I would be skipping to work and make money to buy my house lol. Just donthave the same mindset as an average 18 year old guy.


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

Hey, you all will probably think this is stupid, but.. I havent been talking to the girl the past few days (feels like an eternity lol but I am staying my path).

Actions speak louder than words and I was thinking a little more down the road do something nice.

I wouldn't talk or establish contact, but just do. I was thinking about getting her flowers and simply leaving them on her windshield for when she heads to class and leave. 

Even after if she were to contact me I still would let it pass for a few days and not contact back.


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

This post has been dead for awhile but I figured I should update it...

So, since about a month ago she started talking to me again and over the past 2 weeks we hung out like 3 times and went on 2 dates together.

It always goes great and we both have an awesome time, but I Dont know what to think of it because the last time we hungout

she came to my place and we fooled around a little bit while watching a movie, but then after the movie she abruptly said she had to go home and on the way home she was unusually quiet.

I am so lost.,


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I agree with Jellybeans. The more you pursue her, the worse it'll get. 

Let her go. If she comes back, it will be because she's willing to give it a chance. As it is now, she is telling you she doesn't want what you have to offer. Now that you've put your cards on the table, it is up to her to take the next step or not. You'll only regret it if you chase her and chase her.


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

Thanks for the response, I made another post:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/63237-confused.html#post1288941

But, Isnt her physical advances a sign? She was the one who came out and asked if I still liked her etc.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am not close to your age, ... but I'll give my thoughts anyway...
> 
> So many are afraid to *TRUST* today, because of piled up back to back hurts -which sounds you was a part of ....because you took the commitment too slowly (your words).... and now her saying she is tired of dealing with guys because she has been hurt alot over the past year....
> 
> ...


My 2 cents......She felt something! She likes it but is gun shy. If you back off I'll bet in time she will begin to think she misses that feeling and might coozy up to you but that will only happen if you back off. If you push she will run. Allow her the time to figure out what she wants.


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## willicks (Jul 25, 2012)

Could you guys review the other post I put up? It goes into alot more detail about what happened now, 
I appreciate your help



Stonewall said:


> My 2 cents......She felt something! She likes it but is gun shy. If you back off I'll bet in time she will begin to think she misses that feeling and might coozy up to you but that will only happen if you back off. If you push she will run. Allow her the time to figure out what she wants.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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