# Agrument over anniversary gift



## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

We celebrated our 21st anniversary a couple of weekends ago while out of town on a previously committed trip for a different reason. A couple of weeks prior, I told my husband what I would like because he had not asked. Over the past few years I've picked out several pieces of jewelry and a nice watch...I didn't need or want anymore jewelry at this time so I asked for a table that I had found for the hallway. It was easy, all he had to do was order it and pay for it online and pick it up when it came in. If he had done this when I asked, the table would have been here before leaving for our trip, and no, it didn't need to be put together 

So we get to our destination and I realize not only did he not order the table but had not bought me anything. While in the gift shop I comment on a necklace that was cute...a hint so he would know what to buy even though I didn't need it. 

The following day, our anniversary, he gives me the bag and I see it's from a jewelry store, not the gift shop and I start to worry. Some history here...he has a really bad track record for "blind" buying me anything and instead of buying a particular item I personally pick out he will buy me what he likes. I put off opening the gift because I already know 1) it's not the table 2) it's not the necklace from the gift shop, and 3) it's from a jewelers.

I finally open it...not only is it not my style, not even close, it doesn't fit properly. I let him know and show him but he doesn't care, just says he likes it. I did wear it dinner that night but hated it. 

Now I'm stuck with something that I will never wear and he's mad at me because I didn't appreciate the thoughtful gift that he took the time to pick out himself. I'm pissed because, once again, he didn't listen to me and we are stuck in this circle of whose right and whose wrong:scratchhead: 

BTW, I ordered the table myself when we got back


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

My hubs stinks at jewelry shopping too. I get gift cards, which I LOVE!

That said, I know a lot of women who receive nothing at all for their anniversary. Many would be grateful for any gift....

BTW...What did you give him?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Am guessing your love language is gifts? No one is right or wrong, you are just both different. The right thing to do would be to work towards understanding each other better. The wrong thing would be to blame each other and resent your differences.

I am not into receiving gifts so I can't empathise. Personally I would have just ordered the table myself, asking for specific gifts to me is a bit tacky.

We are more inclined to do activities as our gifts. Eg we will book a weekend away as our Anniversary gift, the real happiness for us comes from spending the time together, not getting "stuff".


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

*On one hand *he may resent that you are being 'controlling' about receiving gifts from him. 

My exh used to do what you do. That is, he would tell me the name of the thing, the size, color and INSIST that I order it from one of his catalogues, so he also knew the price. It kinda takes the fun out of buying gifts for someone. There's no real 'surprise' because they're already expecting it. I think to myself, "Why don't you just buy the dam* thing_yourself_?" 

*On the other hand*, he expects you to "appreciate" what HE decides to give you (a.k.a. what HE likes), even though it's something that YOU may not even like. It shows a lack of involvement in your life, not knowing what your 'tastes' are. 

Then again, buying you what HE likes and insisting that you're not 'appreciating' what he gets you, might be a passive-aggressive response to what I wrote in the first paragraph. 

What ever the problem is, it sounds like BOTH of you need to get to the nitty-gritty about what's going on. 

Maybe some short-term counseling will help. 

Vega


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

So, what did you get him?

You sound ungrateful and petty. Something more is going on here


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Telling him what to get you is tacky. He apparently did not appreciate it since he got you something else.The fact that he ignored your request leads me to believe that he's letting you know that he does not appreciate you trying to tell him what he should get you in the way of gifts. 

You do sound ungrateful. You should have graciously accepted the gift. And yes you should wear it sometimes when you are with him.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I tell my SO what to buy me for birthdays, Christmas, everything. I send him links to a few different items he can choose from, so there's still some element of "surprise" when I open it, lol. But he loves that I help him because he'd be lost otherwise. He has learned over the years that chocolate is never a bad gift. 

I'm with you - I'd rather get nothing than something I have to pretend I like but will NEVER use or wear. And he'd never want to waste money that way, either, and I wouldn't want him to.

Maybe it's time for a discussion about gifts. Or maybe wait a while until this dies down and feelings aren't as raw.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Don't hint, tell him straight or don't tell him at all.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

norajane said:


> I tell my SO what to buy me for birthdays, Christmas, everything. I send him links to a few different items he can choose from, so there's still some element of "surprise" when I open it, lol. But he loves that I help him because he'd be lost otherwise. He has learned over the years that chocolate is never a bad gift.
> 
> I'm with you - I'd rather get nothing than something I have to pretend I like but will NEVER use or wear. And he'd never want to waste money that way, either, and I wouldn't want him to.
> 
> Maybe it's time for a discussion about gifts. Or maybe wait a while until this dies down and feelings aren't as raw.


Giving hints when he's on board with it is one thing. I often ask people for hints. But I might just find something else and that should be ok as well.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

If you're telling someone what to get you just buy it yourself.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

People usually get upset over something very trivial. 

Very often a good relationship becomes sour because of arguments over petty things. 

But who is perfect? Who knows exactly what to do? What seems trivial to us might be important to them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> People usually get upset over something very trivial.
> 
> Very often a good relationship becomes sour because of arguments over petty things.
> 
> But who is perfect? Who knows exactly what to do? What seems trivial to us might be important to them.


Yes, what is important to one person might not be to another. However the issue here is that she is trying to control her husband to make sure she gets the gift she wants. Her husband apparently does not buy into her way of thinking.

It's important for him to see things from her perspective. 

But it's equally as important for her to see things from his perspective.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

a table for an anniversary gift? how totally unromantic. and I think asking/hinting for a gift is totally tacky, too. it takes something special away from giving a gift. it changes from a gift from the heart to some kind of expectation and obligation. like you have your hand out demanding a gift - and it better be good. i think you are putting too much weight on gifts - like the physical object carries the weight of the world. If you want something so badly, get it yourself. I'd feel mad, too if I was your husband. If I got anyone a gift - my husband, mother, sister, friend, anyone, and they turned around to let me know how disappointed they were in the gift, I'd be real pissed. You have totally lost the meaning of a gift.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

How is not wanting your spouse to spend money on something you don't want and won't like controlling? 

Edited to add: Particularly jewelry, having to wear a piece of jewelry you don't like because it was a gift and you are obligated too just screams "bad Christmas sweaters from Aunt Susie" and being forced to wear them as a kid to me. 

And - we have no idea what his perspective is. Ultimately, she's only going to find that out by asking him.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, what is important to one person might not be to another. However the issue here is that she is trying to control her husband to make sure she gets the gift she wants. Her husband apparently does not buy into her way of thinking.
> 
> It's important for him to see things from her perspective.
> 
> But it's equally as important for her to see things from his perspective.


I have checked her other threads. They have more serious issues than this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> I have checked her other threads. They have more serious issues than this.


I'm sure that they do have more important problems. That does not change my comments...

It's important for him to see things from her perspective. 

But it's equally as important for her to see things from his perspective.

Whether or not they can do this is up to each of them.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

norajane said:


> I tell my SO what to buy me for birthdays, Christmas, everything. I send him links to a few different items he can choose from, so there's still some element of "surprise" when I open it, lol. But he loves that I help him because he'd be lost otherwise. He has learned over the years that chocolate is never a bad gift.
> 
> I'm with you - I'd rather get nothing than something I have to pretend I like but will NEVER use or wear. And he'd never want to waste money that way, either, and I wouldn't want him to.
> 
> Maybe it's time for a discussion about gifts. Or maybe wait a while until this dies down and feelings aren't as raw.





Starstarfish said:


> How is not wanting your spouse to spend money on something you don't want and won't like controlling?
> 
> Edited to add: Particularly jewelry, having to wear a piece of jewelry you don't like because it was a gift and you are obligated too just screams "bad Christmas sweaters from Aunt Susie" and being forced to wear them as a kid to me.
> 
> And - we have no idea what his perspective is. Ultimately, she's only going to find that out by asking him.


I agree with these posts, my H & I give each other Wish Lists of what we want for our bdays, anniversary & Christmas.
It not only makes life easier for the giver, we know that the other will love their gift. 
My idea of giving a gift is to give a gift the recipient wants, not what I want to give them.
Just another reason why I stick to Wedding Registries, I want to give the couple something they want, NOT something to be put aside because they hate it.
I think it's selfish to give a gift you want to give, with no regard to what the recipient wants.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

That may stem from my background of family drama though. 

I had a big gift-giving relative when I was a kid who'd give you gifts she wanted to give or thought you needed whether or not you wanted it, and then she'd expect elaborate thank yous. If she didn't get the appropriate amount of praise, she'd be epic butthurt and would start family drama about how ungrateful you were, and may even demand the gifts back if she deemed you "unworthy" at a later date. 

So yeah - I prefer to tell people what I want. 

For two anniversaries, my husband has asked me what I want, I didn't have an answer, so in the end, lol, I didn't get anything.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Telling him what to get you is tacky. He apparently did not appreciate it since he got you something else.The fact that he ignored your request leads me to believe that he's letting you know that he does not appreciate you trying to tell him what he should get you in the way of gifts.
> 
> You do sound ungrateful. You should have graciously accepted the gift. And yes you should wear it sometimes when you are with him.


I agree 1,000%.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> I'm sure that they do have more important problems. That does not change my comments...
> 
> *It's important for him to see things from her perspective.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

This is important for all of our relationships!

My husband never buys me gifts, but I never feel hurt. Because he knows it is difficult for him to get me something I like. I am very picky. If he doesn't get the right thing, I will feel it's waste of money. What works for us is we buy things for me together. He always goes shopping with me. Yes, this is not romantic. But I have never felt bad in this area.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

It's awkward and a huge waste to buy a spouse a gift they don't want that will take up space in the house and then sit in a landfill. Personally if I need to give someone a gift I want to have a good idea of what they actually want. 

Buying a gift YOU like the but the RECEIVER will not is not thoughtful- it's something little kids do. Adults need to think about the other person, not themselves, as the entire point is making the receiver feel special. Otherwise the whole ritual is pointless.

Gifts that can be 'used up' (soap, food, massages) can be a good option, or an experience instead of an object.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

This is why my wife and I do not give gifts. I can not stand the highschool games of trying to figure out the hints and hidden meanings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kokonatsu (Feb 22, 2013)

I've gotten a gift from a family member that she loved, and I couldn't eat it (it was candy, too sweet for me. she had made it before and I didn't like it then. i didn't make a big show of liking it or anything either). 

I just feel it shows that the giver doesn't really think of the receiver when they do something like this, so how can it be considered as thoughtful?


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Gee, idk. I'd be happy with anything I guess. For our anniversary I learned how to make him a red velvet roll (cake) from scratch and made him a homemade lasagna for dinner. We "celebrated" at my parent's house because my kitchen isn't worthy of cooking in and when all my nieces (aged 12-6) showed up unexpectedly, they all said "Happy Anniversary" to us. My SO however, never said anything along the lines of "HA, or TY". Let alone give me a gift. A few days later he did comment that instead of doing something around the house in the way of cleaning or working on one of his projects, I was "dragging him to my parents' house." I was a tad upset to say the least. I would have appreciated any gift at all. Or even an acknowledgment of our 6 years together. 
Sorry, off on my own tangent. As for gifts, I don't think asking out right for one particular thing is right. Hinting at a few things you've been eying would be more appropriate.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I know that I am terrible at picking up on "hints" from my wife as to what sort of gift she might want for a birthday / Christmas / anniversary and in the past this (and the amount of money spent on luxury gifts) has been a source of tension / argument.

Our solution for occasions when we exchange gifts is to set a budget and each by our own gift, the personal bit is the letter or card + message that accompany it, this make sense for us as we have a joint bank account so the money all comes from the same pot anyway.

This way my wife’s gift to me might be the new set of throttle bodies I wanted for the track car and hers will be just the right gold charm to add to her bracelet.

For my wife birthday I fall back on asking our daughter for ideas as they do understand her hints / taste so much better then I.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

pink_lady said:


> It's awkward and a huge waste to buy a spouse a gift they don't want that will take up space in the house and then sit in a landfill. Personally if I need to give someone a gift I want to have a good idea of what they actually want.
> 
> Buying a gift YOU like the but the RECEIVER will not is not thoughtful- it's something little kids do. Adults need to think about the other person, not themselves, as the entire point is making the receiver feel special. Otherwise the whole ritual is pointless.
> 
> Gifts that can be 'used up' (soap, food, massages) can be a good option, or an experience instead of an object.


I agree that getting people things that you (general 'you') like but you have no idea if it's what they like it a waste. 

But the point of gift giving is to take the time to find out what the person likes, wants, needs. I put a lot of effort into finding out about what a person would want without directly asking. If I have no idea what they want, then I do ask them to give me some ideas. But that's the point.. the giver asks for the input.

That's a lot different than someone just coming up and saying hey I want xyz when the giver has not asked for input.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Gift giving is the classic lose lose gaime that husbands have no way of winning.

You get your wife what she told you to get her, this means you are unromantic, uncreative, lazy, and don't care about her.

You get your wife something she doesn't like: you don't know her well enough, therefore you don't care about her.

You get her something she can use: You are a jerk, since you are not romantic.

You get her clothes: I won't even go there.

That's why husbands after a time, just get what they want to get her and let the chips fall.

A man who gets a gift for a woman cares about that woman. Period.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

pink_lady said:


> It's awkward and a huge waste to buy a spouse a gift they don't want that will take up space in the house and then sit in a landfill. Personally if I need to give someone a gift I want to have a good idea of what they actually want.
> 
> Buying a gift YOU like the but the RECEIVER will not is not thoughtful- it's something little kids do. Adults need to think about the other person, not themselves, as the entire point is making the receiver feel special. Otherwise the whole ritual is pointless.
> 
> Gifts that can be 'used up' (soap, food, massages) can be a good option, or an experience instead of an object.



You just sucked the fun out of gift giving  and while its a more logical and safer way to go, think about the idea of giving gifts, there is also the element of surprise and the thought that you picked out something that you think and hope they will like. So it actually gives the giver warm and fuzzy feeling too. 

We pick out our own gifts, and laugh at the gifts we didn't like at the beginning of our relationship. But I think the way the OP expresses the situation seems a bit cruel, I hope she didn't tell him she thought it was ugly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> But the point of gift giving is to take the time to find out what the person likes, wants, needs. I put a lot of effort into finding out about what a person would want without directly asking.


I think one difficulty is that in the OPs case, given how divergent what the husband got her and her reaction to it - I'm not 100% that kind of effort is being put into it. So yes, he may resent being told directly, but - this seems to be the end result otherwise, he gets a gift -he likes- whether she likes it or not.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> I think one difficulty is that in the OPs case, given how divergent what the husband got her and her reaction to it - I'm not 100% that kind of effort is being put into it. So yes, he may resent being told directly, but - this seems to be the end result otherwise, he gets a gift -he likes- whether she likes it or not.


It's his choice whether or not he puts a lot of effort into gift giving. She is trying to control him by telling him exactly what she wants. He did not ask her for input. This is the point. 

He is not even obligated to give her a gift. Many people never exchange gifts on anniversaries. It's up to him what he gives and when he gives.

The OP was asked what gift she gave him for their anniversary. She has yet to answer that.

This is such a small thing compared to other problems.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

*this is how you are coming across, I wish you came back and clarified:*



bobbieb65 said:


> We celebrated our 21st anniversary a couple of weekends ago while out of town on a previously committed trip for a different reason. A couple of weeks prior, I told my husband what I would like because he had not asked. *This seems makes you look very controlling, did you ask him what he wanted?* Over the past few years I've picked out several pieces of jewelry and a nice watch...I didn't need or want anymore jewelry at this time so I asked for a table that I had found for the hallway. It was easy, all he had to do was order it and pay for it online and pick it up when it came in. *Again a bit controlling* If he had done this when I asked, the table would have been here before leaving for our trip, and no, it didn't need to be put together *You sound like my mom here, when I failed to do what she wanted me to do (Nagging?)*
> 
> So we get to our destination and I realize not only did he not order the table but had not bought me anything. *I see the trend of controlling* While in the gift shop I comment on a necklace that was cute...a hint so he would know what to buy even though I didn't need it. *Should have said "if you have not bought me anything, but would like to, I want this"*
> 
> ...


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

If my wife asked for a 'table' for an anniversary gift, I might get it for her, but it wouldn't be for the anniversary.

My wife is very picky. I have had terrible luck buying her things she truly likes. I would have my daughters come with me and we would pick her out a couple of things. A couple I remember are a diamond necklace and diamond ear rings. Also, some gold ear rings. My wife wears them the odd time, but I know she doesn't 'love' them. Partly because she is cheap and thinks I paid too much for them. 

Lately we don't buy gifts at all. We typically plan a vacation or a night out around things like birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Even Christmas we don't get each other gifts. 

The best is when we go shopping together and I can talk her into buying herself something that is nice. If she is by herself, she might buy lots of things, but they are always cheaper and on sale.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Interesting that we haven't heard yet what OP gave hubby for anniversary. How much thought / effort did she put into his gift? Did he like it? Did he give hints on what he wanted? Or was there nothing to like at all - as in no gift?

Anniversary gift giving is a two-way street. You both were there when you said your vows, after all. So we are speculating in a vacuum here. He should get credit for trying to come up with something original, even if he stumbles in execution. His efforts look particularly noble (and OP would look somewhat ungrateful) if he gets no gift/effort in return. 

More context is needed before we banish this guy as the ultimate gift-giving bozo.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

MarriedTex said:


> Interesting that we haven't heard yet what OP gave hubby for anniversary. How much thought / effort did she put into his gift? Did he like it? Did he give hints on what he wanted? Or was there nothing to like at all - as in no gift?
> 
> Anniversary gift giving is a two-way street. You both were there when you said your vows, after all. So we are speculating in a vacuum here. He should get credit for trying to come up with something original, even if he stumbles in execution. His efforts look particularly noble (and OP would look somewhat ungrateful) if he gets no gift/effort in return.
> 
> More context is needed before we banish this guy as the ultimate gift-giving bozo.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I'm going to take a wild guess that for a lot of people responding to this thread "Gifts" isn't one of their "Primary Love Languages." Which - it isn't mine either, really. But it may indeed be for the OP which is why this is such a big deal to her. 



> It's his choice whether or not he puts a lot of effort into gift giving.


Which is arguably the same as anything else - how much effort you put into sex, your appearance, chores, and anything else that might mean a lot to your spouse. Yes, ultimately, its always your choice about how much effort you put into it. 

I mean ...



> She is trying to control him by telling him exactly what she wants.


And



> He is not even obligated to give her a gift. Many people never exchange gifts on anniversaries. It's up to him what he gives and when he gives.


When your spouse tells you exactly what they want for sex is that "trying to control you?" Or is that expressing a legitimate need of theirs that they are hoping you will then take efforts to meet? Why because the thing in question is tangible rather than intangible is that "controlling?" 

I mean if we changed this to say "She is not even obligated to give him sex. Many people never have sex on their anniversaries. It's up to her when she wants sex and when she gives it." Would that really seem like a reasonable response?

Or - if for example, rather than a gift you wanted your spouse to plan a nice meal for your birthday, and they made an reservation at a seafood restaurant because its what -they- like to eat, but you hate fish - should you be grateful because "it's their choice how much effort they put into it?" And "they didn't ask for your input?"

If you know something means a lot to your spouse, and you put no effort into it, I don't think you should then be surprised when they aren't happy with the results - whether that's sex, gifts, or anything else. When you start balancing the things you do for your spouse about whether or not you are "obligated" to - there's already a failure there. 

I just think overall there's a heavy-handed level of dismissal going on here.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Your husband is a little lazy and sucks at the gift thing. Accept that and move on with life. Here is my suggestion, quit exchanging gifts. My wife and I no longer do Christmas gifts, it is stupid to hand each other a list and buy things that you really don't even need half the time. If you want a table for the hall, buy it...period. At Christmas we donate money to causes that is special to the other person (ie...Breast Cancer for her). They need the money, more than I need another shirt and it is tax deductible, everybody wins.  

Most men don't know how to buy gifts for women. They want to buy one big thing, they think that gives them big points....wrong. Women count one gift, one point in the love bank. Men get lots of little gifts throughout the year and you get lots of points. Buy flowers for her on August 31. Why you ask? Because it is unexpected. I created a whole holiday revolving around my wifes birthday and she gets a little gift bag (and card) every day for a week. It isn't the size of the present, it is the thought that you put into the idea. Many husbands hate me for this idea. I am working on things for her now and it is 4 months away, make it a fun event not a chore.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

The OP has discussed her husband's passive-aggressive behavior toward her in other threads. From what she's written, it appears to me that the way he buys gifts for her is simply another manifestation of that behavior.

It's not about the gift itself. It's about the deliberate dismissal of her wishes. A P-A person feels they have 'won' when they obstruct the happiness of their spouse (their adversary). If you have not lived with a P-A, it's very difficult to understand.

I don't think the OP is being too harsh, and it's not because gifts are my 'love language'. Personally I think humans need to begin thinking differently about 'stuff' and move on from gift giving rituals. I've tried to convince my family and my STBXH's family to celebrate occasions without buying me or each other yet more junk. Our landfills are overflowing and oceans are filling up with plastic bags as it is. But that has little to do with the *underlying issue* fueling the OP's unhappiness in this situation.


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## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

I'm the original poster and I have to give a solid shout out to Starstartfish and Pinklady who understand my side of this. Yes my H is PA and we are working through things since early 2011 after he cheated. Yes we have been in MC, for the first year and took a year off and have been back and will be going back regularly otherwise I'll go crazy. 

I'm starting to think it's not just the PA but also his self-focus (instead of being selfish) that is the problem. Another incident happened tonight...

I suffer from HBP and has been really high the past few days and makes me feel like crap. We talked yesterday and I said I have to really start taking care of myself and cut back on certain things, sugar being one of them. So he calls to check on me and find out if I have something for dinner, which was very nice of him and he does do this when I'm not doing well or hit a bad patch. He comes home from work with toys for the dogs, which he does a few times a year, and I jokingly ask if he bought me one. He says he got something for me and pulls out a box of fudge. Fudge. I just told him the day before about cutting back on my sugar intake and more importantly, I don't eat fudge, never have. He knows this, we talked about it the last time he brought some home...I tried it but I don't like it. So does he do these things as his PA tendencies or is he so self-focused that he can't remember anything about me:scratchhead: He likes fudge and that's fine, but don't try to pretend that you bought it for me, that pissed me off. I didn't expect anything and just the fact that he got toys for the dogs thrilled me. BTW, this isn't the first time he's done this.

Back to the anniversary gift issue...I'm not big on gift giving or receiving, never have been. Before the bottom fell out of our M, I could count on my hands how many actual gifts I got for my b-day, anniv and xmas. Sometimes just a card or candy, but usually nothing. Xmas was the only time we bought each other presents because how could we not in front of our son. Most years the item was still in the bag and not even wrapped, too much trouble I suppose. 

Everything changed after he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar...tried to buy me off with material items to make up for what he'd done, but even then it smacks of PA-ness. I'm glad some of you are with wonderful gift givers but sadly some of us are not. To be honest, the only gifts he ever appreciated were the ones he asked for instead of me just guessing. The first xmas after this he asked what I wanted and I made a list so he could pick. He bought things on the list but instead of the actual item he picked out something different. For example I wanted a purse, a certain brand and size. He bought the same brand but it was the size of my carry on tote when all I wanted was the smaller bag. 

Controlling on my part? I think not. PA, anti-social and self- focused from his side? Could be. And BTW, he's always been this way, it's just that now I am less willing to tolerate it. And for those that need to know what I got him...nothing. I asked what he would like and he said it wasn't an item but something I could do for him. I'm not a mind reader and since we are working on our non-existing communication skills I told him I wasn't about to guess and be wrong, once again. I asked him several times to just tell me and he refused to open up, another problem for him. He had to settle for sex with a lot of extra foreplay and seemed happy with that.

I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong place, which I believe I did. I will post where I should for now on...I have a lot to ask about.


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