# Should I be upset



## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

My wife and I are both on our second marriages and we both have custody of our kids. My ex-spouse isn't in the picture at all, but hers is. We have a cordial relationship, and see each other in social settings when it comes to her kids - despite the fact that I know without a doubt he would do anything to get her back. In fact, she meets him to pick up or hand off the kids, he comes to school functions where she teaches and his daughter attends and I am not there, and they text and talk at least once a day - which is normally about kid's schedules or things like that. They even went Christmas shopping together for the kids in 2011 and last year, her ex-husband came to our house and their kids opened Christmas with both parents present. Of course that was awkward as hell for me and my son.

Yesterday, I picked up her phone and noticed a text that was on the screen where she was conversing with her 19-year-old son. Apparently her ex-husband purchased some pepper spray for my wife and asked their son to give it to her. Apparently he knew someone that had to use it to defend off an attacker. She replied to her son that it wasn't appropriate that his dad give her the pepper spray and to give it to his girlfriend. The problem I was having was, she never mentioned it to me. Later into the night, I asked her "Do you think Chris still has a thing for you?" (She did leave him BTW) She said "No, I think he has moved on with his life." I said, "I just get the feeling sometimes that he still does. Would you even tell me if he said or did anything out of the way or inappropriate?" She promised me she would. I could NOT believe that a text she replied to a couple of hours earlier mentioned exactly that, and she was keeping that from me. So I went further, "Even with having kids, because you know I would say something to him and may cause friction." She again promised she would. I waited about an hour - giving her time to think about what I asked and to decide if she should confess. She never did. So I told her I read the text. She was offended that I read her text and tried to make it about that, however, I would not allow the dispute take that route and kept coming back to her not telling me, then lying to me about it.

My question is, "Should I not be upset, or do I have a right to be?

Thanks in advance for your replies!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Something like this IMO wasn't worth mentioning to you. Especially in the context of what you're saying here... her ex having a 'thing' for her. 

Do you have a right to be upset? Sure. Is it worth it? Not in my opinion.


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

I think not mentioning it was originally upsetting, but what is more upsetting was that she didn't admit to it when I asked. It felt like she was lying to me. Why not say, "Well, now that you mention it, I have something I should tell you about Chris buying me some pepper spray"? Why just sit there and act as if there isn't anything - if there isn't anything to it?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Livestrong2001 said:


> I think not mentioning it was originally upsetting, but what is more upsetting was that she didn't admit to it when I asked. It felt like she was lying to me. Why not say, "Well, now that you mention it, I have something I should tell you about Chris buying me some pepper spray"? Why just sit there and act as if there isn't anything - if there isn't anything to it?


Because it's not important. Do you want her to run everything Chris says and does for her past you? If so, then you need to come right out and tell her so.

It was pepper spray. It was something she didn't ask for, and didn't accept and told her son to relay the message back to Chris regarding it. In other words, she handled herself beautifully. It wasn't worth sharing.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

It is possible that she didn't even think twice about it until you told her you had read the text. How she handled it after that is not the way I would have. She reacted poorly, but it is a natural reaction to become defensive like she did.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Do you trust her in regards to Chris? Are you afraid he'll find a soft spot in her and 'work' her back into his camp?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I have an ex husband, and we shared custody with my son... I'm happily remarried and it would bug me that my husband got upset over something like this. It was pepper spray. So what if the man still 'wants' me? I don't want him or his random gifts. I didn't report every little silly thing my ex did or said to my husband, and I can say that my husband was fine with that. He fully understood that I was and am 100% HIS wife and I was over my ex in every since of the word.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I'm sorry, I don't even understand the question.

Upset about what? You asked her to tell you if her ex ever said anything out of the way or inappropriate in connection with still having a thing for her. And then you got mad because she didn't tell you about the pepper spray?

She didn't mention the pepper spray because she didn't consider that as a sign that he was still into her. I wouldn't either. As you explained, they are exes but they are still friendly and are co-parenting. 

Her ex didn't make a pass at her, or invite her over to watch tv and cuddle, or tell her he's into her, or try to kiss her or hold her hand...he offered to give her pepper spray and through their son, at that, not even to give it to her personally.

I think you are way over-reacting and causing yourself grief. I actually would have taken the pepper spray and stuck it in my purse for emergencies.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I would see the line of questioning as entrapment. You want to find something nefarious in the entire scenario when in actuality it's all innocent.

She responded poorly after you told her you read her text, but who wouldn't be defensive after that exchange? Just come right out and say that you read the text and ask what it was about. To keep asking questions around the issue rather than be direct was just too much.


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

Let me be clear about something. She didn't tell her son to tell her ex it wasn't appropriate. She only told her son it was. I am not upset with how she handled the situation. I am upset she wasn't open and honest with me about it. I don't think she would ever go back to him, no. She knows and I know he still wants her back, but I think I am pretty open minded about their relationship in general. What I don't like is the dishonesty. Had she told me up front, and how she handled it, I would have been perfectly fine with it.


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

I do trust her when it comes to Chris. But I've always felt she was perfectly open about things and usually tells me things like this. But then, maybe that was when other guys have said things to her or done things. I'm nor a raving lunatic or anything like that, and always handle things in a very mature way. That is why this was sort of a real shock to me.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Livestrong2001 said:


> Let me be clear about something. She didn't tell her son to tell her ex it wasn't appropriate. She only told her son it was. I am not upset with how she handled the situation. I am upset she wasn't open and honest with me about it. I don't think she would ever go back to him, no. She knows and I know he still wants her back, but I think I am pretty open minded about their relationship in general. What I don't like is the dishonesty. Had she told me up front, and how she handled it, I would have been perfectly fine with it.


The same could be said for you. You read her text and didn't tell her you did until she didn't give you the answer you wanted to your questions (which didn't have anything to do with her ex sending her pepper spray).

Look, if you want it to be your hill to die on, that's your prerogative. I just don't see how it's worth it. 



> I asked her "Do you think Chris still has a thing for you?" (She did leave him BTW) She said "No, I think he has moved on with his life." I said, "I just get the feeling sometimes that he still does. Would you even tell me if he said or did anything out of the way or inappropriate?" She promised me she would.





> So I went further, "Even with having kids, because you know I would say something to him and may cause friction." She again promised she would.


What's for her to 'confess' as you put it?


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

Well, let me say that she admitted that she would not like it if my ex gave me a gift because she was concerned about my safety. So, I'm not sure the mindset when she admits she would be upset, yet, doesn't think I should be.

As far as the text goes, it was an honest mistake. We have identical phones and both were on the bed. A text notification rolled in and i went to check my phone, but grabber hers. The text string was already open to their conversation and i saw the part about the pepper spray.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Livestrong2001 said:


> Let me be clear about something. She didn't tell her son to tell her ex it wasn't appropriate. She only told her son it was. I am not upset with how she handled the situation. I am upset she wasn't open and honest with me about it. I don't think she would ever go back to him, no. *She knows and I know he still wants her back*, but I think I am pretty open minded about their relationship in general. What I don't like is the dishonesty. Had she told me up front, and how she handled it, I would have been perfectly fine with it.


That's not true. She doesn't agree that he still wants her back. When you asked her, she said:



> I asked her "Do you think Chris still has a thing for you?" (She did leave him BTW) *She said "No, I think he has moved on with his life." *


Is that the source of your discomfort? She doesn't think he's into her, but you do and you are upset that she doesn't see it?


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

This hasn't caused a huge fight between us or anything like that. More of a civil discussion. She actually called him this morning and told him he should never have done that, and it wasn't his place to buy her gifts. She even told him that his GF would not like it if she bought him a gift and he didn't tell her. 

I admire that she did that, and I am sure it won't happen again. I just am not certain why she felt like she either A. Couldn't tell me or B. Feel like it wasn't a big thing to tell me, yet at the same time be upset if it the shoe was on the other foot...

WOMEN!!!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Livestrong2001 said:


> Well, let me say that she admitted that she would not like it if my ex gave me a gift because she was concerned about my safety. So, I'm not sure the mindset when she admits she would be upset, yet, doesn't think I should be.
> 
> As far as the text goes, it was an honest mistake. We have identical phones and both were on the bed. A text notification rolled in and i went to check my phone, but grabber hers. The text string was already open to their conversation and i saw the part about the pepper spray.


There't nothing wrong with reading the text, let me be clear. There's no privacy in a marriage IMO. 

He didn't give her a gift. I completely get her perspective, and why she wouldn't like it if your ex gave one to you, IF YOU ACCEPTED IT. Again, he didn't give her anything... he 'tried' to through her son, and she never accepted it. She handled it right. I'm sure her son told his Dad she didn't want it, thanks but no thanks. 

If you want her to call him and tell him herself, then tell her so. Would that make you feel better about any of this?

EDIT: I see in your subsequent post she already called him and spoke to him directly. She's ON it.


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

She KNOWS it, but she doesn't admit to it. I think it, her best friend thinks it, and her kids think it. She plays "dumb" to the fact, because it is more problematic if she admits to it.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Livestrong2001 said:


> This hasn't caused a huge fight between us or anything like that. More of a civil discussion. She actually called him this morning and told him he should never have done that, and it wasn't his place to buy her gifts. She even told him that his GF would not like it if she bought him a gift and he didn't tell her.
> 
> I admire that she did that, and I am sure it won't happen again. I just am not certain why she felt like she either A. Couldn't tell me or B. Feel like it wasn't a big thing to tell me, yet at the same time be upset if it the shoe was on the other foot...
> 
> WOMEN!!!


She COULD tell you. She didn't feel it necessary. And if you handled it like she did, there would be NO reason for her to be upset. I'm not sure why you aren't understanding that.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Livestrong2001 said:


> She KNOWS it, but she doesn't admit to it. I think it, her best friend thinks it, and her kids think it. She plays "dumb" to the fact, because it is more problematic if she admits to it.


And what would admitting his possibly wanting her back do? Problematic for whom? Her? I doubt that. She's over him. I think it would be problematic for YOU. This thread is very telling.


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

@NoraJane No, the reason I'm upset was that she didn't mention it to me. She admitted to her son it was inappropriate, but didn't bother to let her ex know (until this morning). If she felt it was inappropriate, and if she would be upset if the shoe was on the other foot (which she admitted to), then why wasn't it worth mentioning to me then take it further by sitting there and not being open about it when I asked those questions? I don't understand the mindset...AT ALL.


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

No, the reason it would be problematic for HER would be because she would have to be more on guard when it comes to dealing with him. He will make up some silly excuse to call her, and will say "I have NO idea why he felt the need to call and tell me that." If she admits he still has a thing for her, she will have to address things like that with him when he does. I've been in the exact situation in my previous marriage when I was the one that would not admit to something I knew was true. I was married 20 years, and it became VERY problematic for me when I did - in the 18th year of marriage.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Livestrong2001 said:


> She KNOWS it, but she doesn't admit to it. I think it, her best friend thinks it, and her kids think it. She plays "dumb" to the fact, because it is more problematic if she admits to it.


The above would irk me a bit but this incident I would let it go. I think she at least respected your feelings by calling him back. Both you two should on occasion check each other's phones there is no privacy in marriage. The christmas thing could have been done at his place imo you are right that is awkward.


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

She didn't tell her son to tell Chris - at all. You all missed that point.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Again, if you want her to report every exchange with her and Chris, you need to let her know. Big or small, you want to know what they talk about. Just come out and tell her so you can let this go and prevent future discord.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Livestrong2001 said:


> No, the reason it would be problematic for HER would be because she would have to be more on guard when it comes to dealing with him. He will make up some silly excuse to call her, and will say "I have NO idea why he felt the need to call and tell me that." If she admits he still has a thing for her, she will have to address things like that with him when he does. I've been in the exact situation in my previous marriage when I was the one that would not admit to something I knew was true. I was married 20 years, and it became VERY problematic for me when I did - in the 18th year of marriage.


Why don't you think she's already on guard with him? She seems to have him in place from what you describe about her. He's no threat to her or your relationship.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

I agree with the others, your question was "should I be upset", the answer in NO.

Your wife is trying to maintain a formable relationship with her ex, for her children's sake. Her telling her son that the pepper spray was inappropriate was a term used for her son's sake. It was a totally different definition than if she was telling YOU that something he did or said was inappropriate. Therefor, in my opinion, she did not think it was worth bringing up to you. 

You need to chill dude. You have a good wife but you are going to screw it up if you don't settle with this.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Livestrong2001 said:


> My question is, "Should I not be upset, or do I have a right to be?
> 
> Thanks in advance for your replies!


You have the right to be upset, but you are upset over the wrong things. 

I can't imagine why on Earth you agreed to your wife and her ex going Christmas shopping together or opening gifts for the children at your house. I would never allow that, no way.

But the pepper spray? Are you kidding me? She didn't do anything wrong, and she probably didn't mention it because she doesn't want to waste your time by reciting each and every detail of her communications.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Livestrong2001 said:


> She didn't tell her son to tell Chris - at all. You all missed that point.


No one said she told him that, I just wonder why you would assume her son wouldn't say something. "Hey dad, mom doesn't want the spray, I still have it."


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

A Bit Much said:


> There't nothing wrong with reading the text, let me be clear. There's no privacy in a marriage IMO.


Sure there is. I'm not going to demand that my wife let me in the bathroom when she is on the toilet. 

Even with cell phones, a spouse may legitimately need privacy, for example, when discussing a gift her spouse that's supposed to be a surprise, etc.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Theseus said:


> You have the right to be upset, but you are upset over the wrong things.
> 
> I can't imagine why on Earth you agreed to your wife and her ex going Christmas shopping together or opening gifts for the children at your house. I would never allow that, no way.
> 
> But the pepper spray? Are you kidding me? She didn't do anything wrong, and she probably didn't mention it because she doesn't want to waste your time by reciting each and every detail of her communications.


Yes christmas shopping together? I found that peculiar to put it mildly. You should be going with her WTH.:scratchhead:


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Theseus said:


> Sure there is. I'm not going to demand that my wife let me in the bathroom when she is on the toilet.
> 
> Even with cell phones, a spouse may legitimately need privacy, for example, when discussing a gift her spouse that's supposed to be a surprise, etc.


OK no not the bathroom, or for planning a surprise, but we'll have to agree to disagree about the notion in general. My cell is open for my husband to look at anytime he wants to. He knows my passwords to everything. I don't care he knows. He is in agreement with me on these things. What works in your relationship is great for you. Nobody is knocking it.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Theseus said:


> You have the right to be upset, but you are upset over the wrong things.
> 
> *I can't imagine why on Earth you agreed to your wife and her ex going Christmas shopping together or opening gifts for the children at your house. I would never allow that, no way.*
> 
> But the pepper spray? Are you kidding me? She didn't do anything wrong, and she probably didn't mention it because she doesn't want to waste your time by reciting each and every detail of her communications.


:iagree:

THIS doesn't upset you OP, but not receiving pepper spray and not telling you about it does. :scratchhead:


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

You're obviously sensitive about her ex. Your wife picks up on this and so she's not going to tell you "meaningless" stuff because you're not fostering that level of openness.

To me the bigger issue here is you SETTING UP your wife in the conversation. You set a trap and then waited to see if she fell into it. That is REALLY bad behavior. Much worse that your wife not telling you about a meaningless situation THAT SHE HANDLED RIGHT!

You want honesty....drop the judgement. 

You wanna try something different. Ask your wife this question.

"I want you to be 100% brutally honest with me. Your answer will not have a backlash. Do you feel I put you under a microscope when it comes to your ex, or that I'm insecure about your relationship with him?" You'll have to reassure her again that you won't respond negatively...and you better not. I bet her answer is surprising. 

Work on yourself first, then worry about your wife not telling you things that she handles exactly how you'd want her to handle them.

My thought is she probably didn't even give it a second thought because she HANDLED it. It'd be different if he tried to kiss her. I'm sure she'd tell you that.


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

As far as reporting everything with her ex-spouse, I've never requested it and don't think I should have to. I am perfectly comfortable with her communications with him - even daily, which some might think is a bit too much. What I think "A Bit Much" is missing here is that for some reason, her actions were different than in the past. For instance, when we were dating we were out shopping and he had the kids that weekend. He was going to take them to a movie, and he called while we were in a store. She was on her way to the bathroom, and walked away from me while talking to him. When she came back, she said "Chris just told me if I wanted to meet them at the movies, he would get an extra ticket." I started smiling and asked, "Did you tell him you were out with your Finance?" She replied, "I said, Chris - I'm not going to the movies with you, even if I wasn't engaged and wasn't on a date with him right now. Why in the world would you ever ask me that?" She also said she asked him "Please don't continue to do things like this in the future. I feel obligated to tell [Me], and it will only cause trouble with our relationship in the future." 

There were other times when he offered to check a low tire for her (after we were married) and try to advise her on things like trading her car in - without her asking for his advice.

As far as the Christmas thing goes. I agreed to the shopping thing ONLY because it was there first one after we married and they had previously done that in the couple of years before. They have 4 kids, and they combine money so that the Christmas seemed bigger and it was easier on the kids to think of it as being Christmas from "mom and dad"... So I did that purely for the kids sake. Last year, he came to our house because I too have a kid that lives with us, and we would have spent Christmas morning alone had she gone to his house (which is miles and miles away).


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

From what you've described, your wife is perfectly capable and does handle her ex just fine, with no need for concern on your part. She has no problem shutting him down when she thinks he's going too far, and she is perfectly clear with him. I commend her for keeping things civil and friendly - I'm sure the children benefit greatly from that.

You seem insecure about him despite your wife maintaining her boundaries with him, so that is coming from inside you, not due to your wife's actions. You have a choice as to whether you let it eat away at you and your marriage, or not. If you keep picking at it, your wife will start to think you don't trust her, and then you will have a real problem.


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

@Dad&Husbby - Understand I've never questioned her about her ex, and never felt threatened or insecure about him. I've never been given a reason to. I have NO idea what they really talk about and don't give her the 3rd degree when they talk. She normally will mentioned she talked to him and even be forthcoming with their conversation. The problem here for me is that she saw it as inappropriate, why not tell me? Especially when she has told me things in the past. I've never went off about anything she has ever told me, never called him up to confront him, and never quizzed her. Just by an honest mistake did I read that text. I gave her all afternoon to mention it to me. She had mentioned talking to her son thru texts about where they were and when they were expected home. She mentioned talking to her ex (and I realize now it was after her son tried to present her with the pepper spray). She didn't mention the spray to Chris, and didn't mention to me about the spray. While most of you are of the opinion "it meant nothing", then why did she omit that part of her conversation with her son? I can understand her wanted to keep a healthy relationship with the kids father - totally, but I would think the better option would be to address that with him to prevent future events. Yes, she eventually did - but after I was already aware. I don't think she would have had I not been aware. If she wasn't going to discuss it with me, then why not just address it with him? I can assure you her son would never tell his dad, and my wife's direction was for her son to give it to his girlfriend and not mention it to me. Why am I the only person who sees a problem here?


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

I didn't say it wasn't upsetting. The point was, I handled it very well. It was upfront and open. It wasn't under the table and it wasn't threatening. Did I want my wife seen out shopping with her ex, and possibly fanning rumors about them getting back together? NO, of course not. But I knew about it. I would have even been there had I not been out of town that day.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Livestrong2001 said:


> As far as reporting everything with her ex-spouse, I've never requested it and don't think I should have to. I am perfectly comfortable with her communications with him - even daily, which some might think is a bit too much. What I think "A Bit Much" is missing here is that for some reason, her actions were different than in the past. For instance, when we were dating we were out shopping and he had the kids that weekend. He was going to take them to a movie, and he called while we were in a store. She was on her way to the bathroom, and walked away from me while talking to him. When she came back, she said "Chris just told me if I wanted to meet them at the movies, he would get an extra ticket." I started smiling and asked, "Did you tell him you were out with your Finance?" She replied, "I said, Chris - I'm not going to the movies with you, even if I wasn't engaged and wasn't on a date with him right now. Why in the world would you ever ask me that?" She also said she asked him "Please don't continue to do things like this in the future. I feel obligated to tell [Me], and it will only cause trouble with our relationship in the future."
> 
> There were other times when he offered to check a low tire for her (after we were married) and try to advise her on things like trading her car in - without her asking for his advice.
> 
> As far as the Christmas thing goes. I agreed to the shopping thing ONLY because it was there first one after we married and they had previously done that in the couple of years before. They have 4 kids, and they combine money so that the Christmas seemed bigger and it was easier on the kids to think of it as being Christmas from "mom and dad"... So I did that purely for the kids sake. Last year, he came to our house because I too have a kid that lives with us, and we would have spent Christmas morning alone had she gone to his house (which is miles and miles away).


Oh I'm not missing any points. I have the same point everyone else on this thread has made, and that is you are making something out of nothing here. And for the record... sharing meaningless exchanges with you about Chris when you were dating is for a very strong purpose.. it was to put you at ease that she is NOT in any way hiding anything from you in regards to her ex. It was for YOUR benefit that she do that, so that you may trust her when it comes to her interactions with him. To have to keep doing that well into your marriage seems, well... unnecessary.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Livestrong2001 said:


> I didn't say it wasn't upsetting. The point was, I handled it very well. It was upfront and open. It wasn't under the table and it wasn't threatening. Did I want my wife seen out shopping with her ex, and possibly fanning rumors about them getting back together? NO, of course not. But I knew about it. I would have even been there had I not been out of town that day.


Ex and I plan christmas eve and christmas day d gets gifts on both days. Usually a call 3 weeks before and work it out.


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## Livestrong2001 (Jul 18, 2013)

Was out of town on business... which is rare. Else, I would have been.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

norajane said:


> From what you've described, your wife is perfectly capable and does handle her ex just fine, with no need for concern on your part. She has no problem shutting him down when she thinks he's going too far, and she is perfectly clear with him. I commend her for keeping things civil and friendly - I'm sure the children benefit greatly from that.
> 
> *You seem insecure about him despite your wife maintaining her boundaries with him, so that is coming from inside you, not due to your wife's actions. You have a choice as to whether you let it eat away at you and your marriage, or not.* If you keep picking at it, your wife will start to think you don't trust her, and then you will have a real problem.


:iagree:

This is about more than pepper spray.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Livestrong2001 said:


> @Dad&Husbby - Understand I've never questioned her about her ex, and never felt threatened or insecure about him. I've never been given a reason to. I have NO idea what they really talk about and don't give her the 3rd degree when they talk. She normally will mentioned she talked to him and even be forthcoming with their conversation. The problem here for me is that she saw it as inappropriate, why not tell me? Especially when she has told me things in the past. I've never went off about anything she has ever told me, never called him up to confront him, and never quizzed her. Just by an honest mistake did I read that text. I gave her all afternoon to mention it to me. She had mentioned talking to her son thru texts about where they were and when they were expected home. She mentioned talking to her ex (and I realize now it was after her son tried to present her with the pepper spray). She didn't mention the spray to Chris, and didn't mention to me about the spray. While most of you are of the opinion "it meant nothing", then why did she omit that part of her conversation with her son? I can understand her wanted to keep a healthy relationship with the kids father - totally, but I would think the better option would be to address that with him to prevent future events. Yes, she eventually did - but after I was already aware. I don't think she would have had I not been aware. If she wasn't going to discuss it with me, then why not just address it with him?  I can assure you her son would never tell his dad, and my wife's direction was for her son to give it to his girlfriend and not mention it to me. *Why am I the only person who sees a problem here?[/*QUOTE]
> 
> Good question, you have received several answers which you seem to not want to take in, not to come off rude, but why don't you think on it for a while?
> 
> As I stated earlier, the word "inappropriate" can have several different meanings depending on the person whom you are talking with, or the situation. In this instance it was similar to a child saying something rude at the dinner table. When he called to ask her to the movies while you were on a date, that was totally different. He was making a pass. If I were your wife, I would have done the same thing. In my mind this would be such a minor event that to me it would not render mentioning. She is a grown woman and is behaving like one but for some reason you are coming across as if you want us to crucify her. You need to examine what is really going on with you.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Live in the long run I think you guys will be fine believe me I would have told you if I saw any red flags.If this is the worst that happens you'll be fine.


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