# "easy to date"



## Lady1010 (Dec 28, 2010)

This guy i am dating (a month) told me recently that i am easy to date and that he likes it. I don't know what that means. (sex has not happened and it wont happen for a while. though we did kiss on the third date when i had said i wanted to take it slow.)

I am enjoying his company, we're laughing a lot. He's smart and very considerate. He has made 2 comments that got me thinking/a little annoyed. One I asked about, other I let go. I would see if it happens again and bring it up then. 

I would like for him to message me during the day, but he doesn't. If we do ever end up sending messages back and forth during the day, he ends the conversation after a few messages. Messages me regularly in the morning and before bed. 

I am not a very demanding person. I am easygoing. Could this lead to him taking me for granted? What can I do to keep that from happening?

He's quite consistent with contact and lets me know often that he likes me - in various different ways.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

You have been dating him for a month and he has complimented you. I feel, but I could be wrong, that he finds you agreeable and easy going, a plus. He messages you in the morn and before bed, maybe he can't message you during the day because he is working. It sounds like he is very interested in you, try to back off a little. Keep us posted!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Take him at his word. "easy to date" means he finds you easy to get along with, you are not overly demanding (this is good), you are not a princess (being a princess is bad). 

I'd say that it's a compliment.

Is he at work during the day like Over20 suggests? If so then his not texting you is very acceptable.

Plus, texting someone all day long it not taking it slow. I would most likely be concerned about some guy who was texting me all day long after only one month.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

over20 said:


> You have been dating him for a month and he has complimented you. I feel, but I could be wrong, that he finds you agreeable and easy going, a plus. He messages you in the morn and before bed, maybe he can't message you during the day because he is working. It sounds like he is very interested in you, try to back off a little. Keep us posted!


:iagree:



EleGirl said:


> Take him at his word. "easy to date" means that you are he find you easy to get along with, you are not overly demanding (this is good), you are not a princess (being a princess is bad).
> 
> I'd say that it's a compliment.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

"Easy to date" is better than "difficult to date." It's a compliment.

Do you think you are being taken advantage of?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Well my view is a little bit different from the others.

Knowing what passes for " dating" nowadays , I think one could probably factor in that he might actually be " multi dating" or dating you whilst dating a few other women at the same time. 
Texting and instant messaging has made this easy .

Would you be opposed to the idea of him seeing other women and possibly having sex with them , whilst dating you?

If you are thinking of investing your time and emotional energy into a relationship with him, and are opposed to him having sex with another person ,then you should probably ask him if he's seeing or having sex with anyone else.

If he's not, then " easy to date" in that context would be a huge compliment.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well my view is a little bit different from the others.
> 
> Knowing what passes for " dating" nowadays , I think one could probably factor in that he might actually be " multi dating" or dating you whilst dating a few other women at the same time.
> Texting and instant messaging has made this easy .
> ...


I'm with CM on this matter. "easy to date" could be code word for "cheap date" or something worse. "Easy" in the olden days meant easy to get in bed. It may be that the term "easy" is still be used for something negative in the dating context.

the sad fact of the matter is that a guy may step up to the plate for a woman who is a challenge.......I was certainly on the short end of that stick ie, I paid for my bus fare to and from dates and then I found out that HE was paying taxi fares for his just a friend ex. Once I addressed that issue and suggested that I could go out and find a real bf like she did, he finally did step up to the plate.

It would be nice to know the red flags as they arise.

Maybe we should ask the men here, does "easy to be anything" necessarily a negative in the dating context?


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## WillinTampa (Jun 18, 2014)

Lady1010 said:


> This guy i am dating (a month) told me recently that i am easy to date and that he likes it. I don't know what that means. (sex has not happened and it wont happen for a while. though we did kiss on the third date when i had said i wanted to take it slow.)
> 
> I am enjoying his company, we're laughing a lot. He's smart and very considerate. He has made 2 comments that got me thinking/a little annoyed. One I asked about, other I let go. I would see if it happens again and bring it up then.
> 
> ...


Be careful that you don't analyze your way out of a potentially good relationship. 

I'm pretty sure he meant that you are easy to be with -- you said yourself you are easy going. ------ Its a complement. 

If he's consistent with contact, he's not taking you for granted. He's probably trying to read you too and is trying to balance out how often he contacts you, so that it is enough but not too much. 

Frankly, I don't know how anyone survives dating these days. I'm not looking forward to getting back into it. 

.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I agree with the others. Don't obsess on texting - for some people it can be a huge nuisance and interfere with their work, etc. He already texts you plenty, it seems. Expecting more could seem needy and clingy, and push him away.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Talk to him about it. I don't see any need to hide your feelings. 

You are only a month in. If it is not going to work, just because you share your feelings, find out now.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

WillinTampa said:


> Be careful that you don't analyze your way out of a potentially good relationship.
> 
> I'm pretty sure he meant that you are easy to be with -- you said yourself you are easy going. ------ Its a complement.


This pretty much.

"Easy to date" to me just means he likes that you are easy going. Alot of woman are VERY high maintanence or just plain neurotic. I'd take that as a compliment. He may or may not be dating anyone else at the same time but if neither of you have mentioned "exclusivity" then he's not doing anything wrong if he is. I also personally think it really won't be fair to ask him for that if you have no intention of sleeping with him anytime soon.

He messages you everyday. I don't understand why it needs to be during the day. I don't know if he works but for me I'm always super busy at my job so I'd rather message before and after work too. That seems completely reasonable to me. At least there is daily contact which is a very good sign.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Lady1010 said:


> This guy i am dating (a month) told me recently that i am easy to date and that he likes it. I don't know what that means. (sex has not happened and it wont happen for a while. though we did kiss on the third date when i had said i wanted to take it slow.)
> 
> I am enjoying his company, we're laughing a lot. He's smart and very considerate. He has made 2 comments that got me thinking/a little annoyed. One I asked about, other I let go. I would see if it happens again and bring it up then.
> 
> ...


I'm playing devil's advocate in order to hopefully open your eyes if this relationship is moving in a positive direction.

On the positive
1. You've been dating a month and you're already past 3 dates and you communicate daily (that's a huge positive, it shows he's into you. Within the first month, a lot of guys are every 3-5 days for communicating. And this is without having sex, so it's not like he's communicating with you simply for a booty call, it show's he's into you.

Now a couple things I picked up,
1. You've only been dating a month, he texts you during his non-work time, both the morning and evening, but instead of seeing the positive in this, you're focusing on how he doesn't communicate with you while he's working....
2. You're already building walls of defense to ensure he doesn't take you for granted.

I'd be careful, you say "I am not a very demanding person. I am easygoing." but those two points sound pretty demanding.

Again, I'm not trying to be hard on you, just pointing out that you MIGHT (only time and actions will tell) have a great guy on your hands and you could drive him off. There's nothing more frustrating in a relationship than when you're really putting your heart and soul into the relationship, and your partner takes what you're doing and spins it into you not being good enough.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Lady1010 said:


> This guy i am dating (a month) told me recently that i am easy to date and that he likes it. I don't know what that means. (sex has not happened and it wont happen for a while. though we did kiss on the third date when i had said i wanted to take it slow.)
> 
> I am enjoying his company, we're laughing a lot. He's smart and very considerate. He has made 2 comments that got me thinking/a little annoyed. One I asked about, other I let go. I would see if it happens again and bring it up then.
> 
> ...


Firstly, easy going and not very demanding are wonderful traits as long as you don't avoid conflict when it's necessary and have personal boundaries.

So what were the two comments that annoyed your and their context? Nothing you've indicated so far sways one way or the other without more information IMO.

Does he work during the day or go to school?

Does he know you want him to converse during the day. You can't assume he knows it unless you've specifically asked why he doesn't reply during the day and you have to specifically say you'd like for him to.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

When my H and I met we had each just divorced after 23 years with a high-maintenance spouse. They were "work"... mentally and emotionally draining, without any of the good stuff....like smiles, dates, laughter and sex. 

So for each of us, the other seemed so easy. Easy just to be with... easy to be around. Not negative or hard to figure out. It was way more than just a breath of fresh air. 

And ya know....I doubted it. I wanted to make sure that I was not just jumping into the first nice man I dated. I questioned myself, my feelings (all that niceness kind of scared me), my intentions, his intentions, etc... 

But we TALKED. We talked about these feelings.... maybe fears, maybe uncertainty, whatever you want to call it. We talked about everything. 

So just ask! Ask nicely....like "what did you mean when you said I'm easy to date?" ...and then LISTEN. 

Now is the time to see if ya'll can communicate well....because if you don't have communication, then you have nothing.

Edited to add: 10 years later....we still marvel that it (this relationship) really IS easy!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I agree with Sunny.

OP, I talked my dh's ear off at the beginning of our relationship. I'm not kidding. I remember his telling my brother that I talked from the time he got off work at 4, until 10, when we went to bed. And I talked most of the days Sat. and Sun. I had a lot to work through.

So after about five months, I turned to him and said, "Aren't I wearing you out with talking about my feelings all the time?" 

And he said to me, "J, you are a 100 watt bulb. And I am a nuclear power plant." 

The right guy for you won't be put off by your emotional needs, OP.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> When my H and I met we had each just divorced after 23 years with a high-maintenance spouse. They were "work"... mentally and emotionally draining, without any of the good stuff....like smiles, dates, laughter and sex.
> 
> So for each of us, the other seemed so easy. Easy just to be with... easy to be around. Not negative or hard to figure out. It was way more than just a breath of fresh air.
> 
> And ya know....I doubted it. I wanted to make sure that I was not just jumping into the first nice man I dated.


Question: did it feel different from dating your first spouse? Like, was the first spouse "work" when dating, too or just something that changed with time? Was it ever "easy" to date them?


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

Lady1010 said:


> I am not a very demanding person. I am easygoing. Could this lead to him taking me for granted? What can I do to keep that from happening?
> 
> He's quite consistent with contact and lets me know often that he likes me - in various different ways.


If you want to hear from him during the day, ask him. If he says he's busy with work then believe him. With the schedule you listed, it seems he's just busy during the day. 

Mention you'd like to hear from him and see how he reacts. It's still early. If he cares about you then he'll text you a bit more, and that should hopefully be enough (even if its not quite as much as you want). I know early one I dated another girl that would text me and if I didn't respond till later I'd look at my phone and have dozens of messages, each crazier than the other. Nowadays I do text my girlfriend a decent amount, and her me, but sometimes it can be quite a while till there's a response. Life intervenes


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Question: did it feel different from dating your first spouse? Like, was the first spouse "work" when dating, too or just something that changed with time? Was it ever "easy" to date them?


Yes.... it was alot different than dating my first spouse. I was young and stupid... age 20 then. I grew into myself over the years, and after 5 kids and a ton of water under the bridge... at age 43 I knew alot more about myself, expectations, standards, security, finances...... lol, alot more about everything. 

So, not easy. He was/is.... difficult. Hard to understand, hard to read, confusing in his presentations.... and almost never "authentic". Of course I didn't understand all that way back then. The whole "authentic" thing is an aspect that both now H and I really, really appreciate. 

But yes, there is no way I would date someone like my ex after "growing up". There's that whole, if I'd only known then what I know now! So yes, red flags everywhere back then....when I didn't even know what a red flag was. 

I also do not regret that time and that man. All the struggles, all the turmoil.... pain, heartache, financial destruction and more, brought me to be THIS person in THIS place in time... and I am loving it. And of course, that is where I learned how important values/standards/expectations are.... with regard to self and mate. I certainly knew all the things I DIDN'T want!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Lady1010 said:


> This guy i am dating (a month) told me recently that i am easy to date and that he likes it. I don't know what that means. (sex has not happened and it wont happen for a while. though we did kiss on the third date when i had said i wanted to take it slow.)
> 
> I am enjoying his company, we're laughing a lot. He's smart and very considerate. He has made 2 comments that got me thinking/a little annoyed. One I asked about, other I let go. I would see if it happens again and bring it up then.
> 
> ...


You answered your own question. Guys call this the jackpot


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

SunnyT said:


> Yes.... it was alot different than dating my first spouse. I was young and stupid... age 20 then. I grew into myself over the years, and after 5 kids and a ton of water under the bridge... at age 43 I knew alot more about myself, expectations, standards, security, finances...... lol, alot more about everything.
> 
> So, not easy. He was/is.... difficult. Hard to understand, hard to read, confusing in his presentations.... and almost never "authentic". Of course I didn't understand all that way back then. The whole "authentic" thing is an aspect that both now H and I really, really appreciate.
> 
> ...


After dealing with a battle axe for so long or a wall, having it easy especially if your needs are met across the board will be the greatest feeling in the world. The wall or battle axe made you appreciate it so much more.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I'm with CM on this matter. "easy to date" could be code word for "cheap date" or something worse. "Easy" in the olden days meant easy to get in bed. It may be that the term "easy" is still be used for something negative in the dating context.
> 
> *the sad fact of the matter is that a guy may step up to the plate for a woman who is a challenge*.......I was certainly on the short end of that stick ie, I paid for my bus fare to and from dates and then I found out that HE was paying taxi fares for his just a friend ex. Once I addressed that issue and suggested that I could go out and find a real bf like she did, he finally did step up to the plate.
> 
> ...


Depends I think on age and experience of the guy I think. In my twenties I dated and married a woman who was a challenge. Now older not interested at all. When dating I want a woman to meet me halfway. Jumping through hoops is nothing that interests me anymore.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

How much of this relationship is a friendship and how much of this is romance?


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## Lady1010 (Dec 28, 2010)

NextTimeAround said:


> I
> 
> the sad fact of the matter is that a guy may step up to the plate for a woman who is a challenge.......I was certainly on the short end of that stick ie, I paid for my bus fare to and from dates and then I found out that HE was paying taxi fares for his just a friend ex. Once I addressed that issue and suggested that I could go out and find a real bf like she did, he finally did step up to the plate.


That's my concern. I mean, in a sense he's doing stuff most guys don't. But there are also certain things missing that most people do. For example, we haven't been on a single dinner date - which is very common for me. 

I don't know if I am trying to find problems in a good situation.


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## Lady1010 (Dec 28, 2010)

marduk said:


> How much of this relationship is a friendship and how much of this is romance?


Hmm.. what do you mean?

By romance, do you mean some level of physicality?


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## Lady1010 (Dec 28, 2010)

treyvion said:


> After dealing with a battle axe for so long or a wall, having it easy especially if your needs are met across the board will be the greatest feeling in the world. The wall or battle axe made you appreciate it so much more.


Thanks for saying that. From what he's told me about his exes, it seems like they were quite a bit of work.

If I am to speak of my exes, I chalk it up to the situations that lead to the breakup, not their personalities.


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## Lady1010 (Dec 28, 2010)

Wolf1974 said:


> You answered your own question. Guys call this the jackpot


Lol, I would definitely let this make me feel good


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## Lady1010 (Dec 28, 2010)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well my view is a little bit different from the others.
> 
> Knowing what passes for " dating" nowadays , I think one could probably factor in that he might actually be " multi dating" or dating you whilst dating a few other women at the same time.
> Texting and instant messaging has made this easy .
> ...


Does "officially dating" mean exclusive? Or does it just mean dating? He has used the word "relationship" to refer to us.

Lol, how sad would it be if I am in a relationship and don't know it? I am not seeing anyone else though.


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## Lady1010 (Dec 28, 2010)

WillinTampa said:


> Be careful that you don't analyze your way out of a potentially good relationship.
> 
> I'm pretty sure he meant that you are easy to be with -- you said yourself you are easy going. ------ Its a complement.
> 
> ...


Thanks for pointing that out. I most definitely don't want to talk myself out of a good situation


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## Lady1010 (Dec 28, 2010)

Dad&Hubby said:


> I'm playing devil's advocate in order to hopefully open your eyes if this relationship is moving in a positive direction.
> 
> On the positive
> 1. You've been dating a month and you're already past 3 dates and you communicate daily (that's a huge positive, it shows he's into you. Within the first month, a lot of guys are every 3-5 days for communicating. And this is without having sex, so it's not like he's communicating with you simply for a booty call, it show's he's into you.
> ...


Sigh. thanks for pointing those out. Really don't want to mess up a good situation but you also have to keep your eyes open. People can be messed upppp!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Lady1010 said:


> That's my concern. I mean, in a sense he's doing stuff most guys don't. But there are also certain things missing that most people do.* For example, we haven't been on a single dinner date - which is very common for me. *
> 
> I don't know if I am trying to find problems in a good situation.


What kind of dates have you been on? Does he pay for you at all? Or is everything 50 /50? 

Ironically, with my (future) fiance, he put on hi FB profile that he was in a relationship; told me that he loved me; told his parents about me; wanted me to meet them when they came to visit; took time off from work to accompany me at my oncology appointments (he is able to declare that he was working from home very easily) and yet he was still in touch with his just a friend ex discussing when they might get together again.

When I think about it, even for our first Valentine's Day, while he took me to dinner at a restaurant that I liked (it wasn't cheap but he liked it as well and I know now that he took his just a friend ex there as well); I took the bus to the restaurant -- little did I know at that time that he had already paid for taxis for his just a friend ex on many occasions, even when he knew that she was f*cking another guy; 

after dinner and dessert, he suggested that we go somewhere for one more drink before we go home (by that time I was staying over at his place fairly regularly). 

When we got to the second place, he hassled me to pay for those drinks. I can't remember if I did or not.

and while February is a very cold month over here and we were less than a mile from his place, he still didn't hail a taxi for us.

I want to point this out because I think men get it in their heads, it's so nice to have an easygoing girlfriend or even just date, but for those for whom they feel strongly, they will step up to the plate.

OK, this was 3 years ago and we have it straightened out, since we are still together. But it's not forgotten on me that he didn't let go of this charades of "just friends" with that other woman and started making it easy for me to be with him (as I was getting chemo at the time, I wasn't working) to show how much he cared about me _only when I threatened to dump him._

Sorry guys, but the one resource that you put where you really value is your money. Time, another resource, well, when there is no one else around, you have a lot of time to burn with just any woman, especially when she allows herself to be a cheap date (and "cheap" is a relative term depending upon how much disposable income the guy has).

Lady1010, make sure you are not that. This is why I am very wary of men using the word "easy" in any context when describing a woman whose time and other resources they are taking up.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Sometimes, a decent guy gives a compliment, but must suffer the sins of jerks and past experiences. He meant no harm. Use common sense. If you see good signs and are happy, keep going out. Jerks can be great too in the short term - but cracks soon appear. 

That's what dating's about. Getting along and filtering rest for the trash. An interview, if you will. No one is perfect, so keep on being the right one. If you're the right one, you'll find the right one.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Go out to dinner with him. What do your dates consist of?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Lady1010 said:


> Hmm.. what do you mean?
> 
> By romance, do you mean some level of physicality?


I'm just asking you to bucket it.

To be honest, you sound more like friends than lovers (by which I don't necessarily mean sex).

Which is fine -- romance can grow out of friendship, or the reverse.


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## Lady1010 (Dec 28, 2010)

marduk said:


> I'm just asking you to bucket it.
> 
> To be honest, you sound more like friends than lovers (by which I don't necessarily mean sex).
> 
> Which is fine -- romance can grow out of friendship, or the reverse.


How do you differentiate the two?


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