# My Husband is taking our newborn to his mistress.



## Em18 (May 1, 2018)

I'm totally distraught. The whole divorce issue btwn me & my husband is still fresh. Neither of us has filed. For me it's due to funds bc he makes the money & I was pregnant had a c section & our first child together is only 7 weeks. I'm losing my patience. We've been separated since I was about 4 months pregnant but at the time I didn't know he was having an affair. I left our gome due to unhealthy living of the home itself & moved in with my mother under the impression he was getting us a home soon. 2 weeks before giving birth he broke it to me after I asked repeatedly what was wrong with him that we "just didn't work out". When our son hit 1 month he confesses of this affair he's been having and though I pleaded for a reconciliation he chose the mistress and not our 12 yr relationship. I've let him take our son on 3 separate occasions under a certain time frame which he doesn't respect. The last time I was without my infant son (7 weeks old) for 6 hours. He has been living with this other woman and wants to take our son at Night which I haven't allowed. He's taken our son to spend time with him & his mistress on the occasions that I let him leave with him alone. He doesn't respect me when I say he's confusing our young baby by doing this. I've been scared to tell him no until recently. I want him to spend time with his son but it's deeply hurtful when he pushed me aside throughout my pregnancy and ignored me yet wants to take our son and play house/family with his mistress. I said if I have to accept this then we should all sit down and meet bc I have a right to know who our infant child is around. He won't even give me his address that he lives at with her and tells me it's none of my business that our son is fine bc he's with his father. I have zero trust in him. He told me he just wants our son and to get the hell away from me yet he hasn't even been with me for months. I'm so hurt and upset and betrayed. How is it supposed to be easy finding out your husband had an affair while pregnant and wants to toss me off to the side as if I'm nothing but play happy family with another woman. To top it off he left me without a home & I'm currently living with his parents bc I don't have family to help & my mother kicked me out before my son was a month old. The amount of stress I'm going through is unimaginable. Please help.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Get a lawyer. Now. You need to have alimony, child support, custody, and visitation settled by the court.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You posted something very similar a few days ago...... here's the link.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-.../419961-separated-pending-divorce-infant.html

You need to see a lawyer and get a custody plan in place, child support, etc. 

There are lawyers who will give you a half hour appointment. They do it in hopes of you hiring them. But you can use that time wisely. Talk to at least 2 or 3 of them and see if you can find one who will take your case. They can go to court and ask to just to have your husband pay your legal fees. This is done all the time.


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## Em18 (May 1, 2018)

Yes. I've been trying numerous places to get a lawyer but even the bare minimum want a grand upfront. 
I'm so conflicted trying to show that I'm giving him time with our son but he's taking our newborn to his mistress as if she's his mother. 
My only other option is going to pro bono legal aid & that worries me as well. If he hires a good lawyer? And I don't have the money to compete against him. I'm fearful of losing my son.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Em18 said:


> Yes. I've been trying numerous places to get a lawyer but even the bare minimum want a grand upfront.
> 
> I'm so conflicted trying to show that I'm giving him time with our son but he's taking our newborn to his mistress as if she's his mother.
> 
> My only other option is going to pro bono legal aid & that worries me as well. If he hires a good lawyer? And I don't have the money to compete against him. I'm fearful of losing my son.


The money he makes right now is 50% yours. You need to get an attorney. Did you actually talk to an attorney? Did you ask them about filing to get him to have to pay your legal fees?


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## Em18 (May 1, 2018)

I've spoken with 4 attorneys. 2 local & 2 outside of my city. The minimum any would start any work is 1000 up front & 1000 In 1 month. 
Other lawyers are 5000 minimum.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Yes, but did you ask that they have your husband pay those fees?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Regardless of your lack of funds, have you put in a child support order for this POS to start paying for your child? Acting like an ass-hole and hiding his address from you while keeping the baby for a whole 6 hours is NOT 50/50 custody.

Get a child support order in place NOW. You don't need a lawyer to do that. Go to your Division of Family Services.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

While nothing beats an actual expert in the field. The fact that you have access to the internet means that you have access to all of the on-line sources that you might be able to use for your own benefit. You may be able to file your own paper work, or find some group online who will assist you, find a legal aid society who will represent you for free. Research and look for options, track down leads, use the time and resources you DO have for your benefit.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Em, what state do you live in, if I may ask. Maybe we can help look for places you should be going to to get direction. For me, the retainers were all $3K but the initial consultation was usually from $100-$300. Seems like there are women's groups that would help with this kind of debacle that this loser put you in.


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## SA2017 (Dec 27, 2016)

call the police on him the next time he does that! You're still in childbed and he harms the newborn AND you! ENOUGH. you don't know what they are doing with the newborn. Are you breastfeeding? if so, he can't take the baby just away. this is crazy!


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Sorry how very ugly of your H, but you need to get a financial settlement against your H before he gets his mistress pregnant.

In the meanwhile expose the OW to her parents, grandparents, workplace, facebook, linkedin, church etc, etc.

Tamat


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Go to a crisis pregnancy center and ask if they know of any resources. 

Get on-line and start researching your rights and what you can do about this. Start with your state family services department website. Information is power. Your spouse should be supporting you while you are recovering from childbirth and surgery.

I'm very sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds horrible, but despite feeling powerless, you aren't. You are not powerless unless you do nothing. Right now you can start researching your options.


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## Em18 (May 1, 2018)

I filed the child support weeks ago. That I did do as soon as he started acring secretive and shady. I'm in Texas. I asked if they could get him to pay but where the $ racks up is if they have to continually serve him. I'm actively trying to get proof. Not sure if this mistress may be pregnant and there are other ramifications to this whole ordeal. He wasn't too happy at all upon getting the child support info in the mail. But I had to do something. I can't depend or trust on his word. No telling where he's spending his moneys.


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## Em18 (May 1, 2018)

And he's pretty mad about his family and a few of his friends knowing. Told me I embarrassed myself telling everyone but I wasn't about to suffer in silence. I wanted everyone to see how imperfect he is bc he's never acted tgis way and no one saw this coming.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Start telling him NO! Don't allow him to take a newborn! You need to be sure the baby is fed and cared for!

IF he wants to see the baby he can visit at your house for short periods of time. Did you file abandonment papers/charges?

He should be paying support money! Make sure he's served at work since you don't know where he lives.

No need to say yes to anything he requests - be strong and say no way!

If nothing else do not answer his calls or communicate in any way. He can contact through attorneys when that time comes.

You take care of yourself and the baby.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Em,

You wrote, *And he's pretty mad about his family and a few of his friends knowing. Told me I embarrassed myself telling everyone but I wasn't about to suffer in silence. I wanted everyone to see how imperfect he is bc he's never acted tgis way and no one saw this coming. *

In that case tell EVERYONE, he's trying to pin this on you, guess what he failed.

Do not suffer in silence for a crime you did not commit, you have no obligation to keep his secrets.

Also put the heat on his mistress.

Tamat


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You're not embarrassing yourself! Be honest with everyone!

He should be embarrassed!!!! It's HIS behavior, not yours! 

Remind him of that!


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Here's an alternative point of view. If you expect him to pay child support then he is entitled to see his child too. It is unacceptable for a person to expect an ex-spouse to pay to support a child and then not get the opportunity to know that child, and it is bad for the child too to not have two willing parents in their life. If he has the mistress around and you don't like her, that is none of your business as long as she's not doing anything to harm your child. I agree with the other posters that you need to file the appropriate paperwork and get this through the court. But where I disagree is that you don't get to dictate how your STBXH spends his parenting time as long as it isn't detrimental to your child. As part of the divorce I'd recommend you run a background check on his mistress and if there is any criminal history then you'd have cause to not want her around him. I'd also like to point out that you are using your child as a pawn to control/hurt your husband and that needs to stop to be able to optimally co-parent. Try thinking about how it's good for your son to know his father and have his father in his life and make that a priority over hurting the guy for being a scum bag.


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## Em18 (May 1, 2018)

I want him to be apart of his child's life. My issue is not knowing who or where my son is. I'm not trying to dictate it. I've told him numerous times if he's in this serious relationship I have a right to be assured there isn't any criminal history. At this point he tells me nothing and when I have given him time he runs over the time we agreed upon by hours. He's an infant. He can not tell me who or where or how he's being treated. This is why I attempted the whole co parent but he's refusing to give me any respect back. And he hasn't been given me any help. I've applied for state assistance including his health insurance bc my son has yet to see a cardiologist that was requested by his pediatrician. I've always let my husband dictate everything in our lives. And when I expected he would respect my request to at least know where he lives and who he's with he denies. He's been spending $ living with this mistress while his wife & newborn are living with his parents and I'm supposed to just be okay with him popping in unexpectedly and taking him for hours??


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Em18 said:


> I want him to be apart of his child's life. My issue is not knowing who or where my son is. I'm not trying to dictate it. I've told him numerous times if he's in this serious relationship I have a right to be assured there isn't any criminal history. At this point he tells me nothing and when I have given him time he runs over the time we agreed upon by hours. He's an infant. He can not tell me who or where or how he's being treated. This is why I attempted the whole co parent but he's refusing to give me any respect back. And he hasn't been given me any help. I've applied for state assistance including his health insurance bc my son has yet to see a cardiologist that was requested by his pediatrician. I've always let my husband dictate everything in our lives. And when I expected he would respect my request to at least know where he lives and who he's with he denies. He's been spending $ living with this mistress while his wife & newborn are living with his parents and I'm supposed to just be okay with him popping in unexpectedly and taking him for hours??



Start dictating!!! Seriously! We are talking about a helpless baby here!

Let him see the baby when you are with him! No way taking the baby away from where you are!

Be firm! Be strong! And don't back down! It's not a dog it's a baby!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Get a good family attorney who will literally stick your H up the backside!

He has no damned business taking your infant son anywhere! Period!

Will be praying for both you and your precious son!*


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