# Separation worked - moving back in together



## kar (Oct 19, 2012)

My wife and I just finished a 6 month separation (while in therapy throughout the time apart). We are rebuilding our relationship much better and stronger than it was previously (and also from after an affair). Thought I would post here as I had previously posted about it months ago looking for support. Also to give hope to any of those that are needing it. I was the one that was left and did not want it to end. My wife and I have done a lot of healing work both in therapy and between ourselves by reading the same books, taking note and really both committing ourselves to the process. We are now mending a marriage that my spouse and I both never even dreamed was possible. We have both grown so much and are learning so much about what a marriage can be like. We are both optimistic about our future - and this is coming from at one point, I was 95% sure we were getting a divorce.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

May I ask what books you both read?


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## fbwatcher (Dec 6, 2012)

Congrats...Still holding out hope for mine as well and interested in your reading selection as well.


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## kar (Oct 19, 2012)

I went on a book rampage and read a lot. I did not find anything helpful until I came across Harville Hendrix books "getting the love that you want". I read it first - then passed it on to my spouse. It really changed how we saw each other. One of her biggest issues was that we are just such different people - this book really helped for us to put it in perspective and we really have started to appreciate each other and respect each other in a new way. Other books that I then ordered and skimmed through that helped to a lesser extent were "everybody marries the wrong person" (the part on "your feelings are not an emergency" was helpful) I also learned a lot about relationships in general and read a lot of articles online about fears in relationship (fear of abandonment and fear of engulfment) and how they come out in relationship - and just a lot about learning to connect in newer ways. I am really learning HOW much energy you NEED to give a relationship to make it a safe and thriving place. Before any of this - my wife and I really never did that.... we are really now seeing our marriage as an amazing opportunity for self growth and healing. Hope this helps!


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Congratulations. It's nice to see some success stories on here.


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## JillsJourney (Feb 23, 2013)

Congratulations, kar! That is great news!


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Thanks for sharing this heart-warming news, and congratulations!

All best wishes to you for continued success!


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