# What I’ve Learned From TAM



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

I feel like I could write a FAQ for this website based on what I’ve learned in the last week.

Q: “My wife worked 15 minutes late last night and took longer than normal to return my texts”

A: “You can rest assured that she is cheating on you. Most likely this has been going on for some time now. You need to place a tracking device on her car, plant a VAR in her vehicle, get access to all her email and Social Media accounts, and see an attorney. Good luck”

Q: “My husband left the toilet seat up last night for the first time in our 40 years of marriage, not a question, just venting”

A: “You have to ask yourself if this is something you are willing to tolerate. Do you want to be with a man child who would do something like this and disregard your feelings. I think at this point divorce is your only option”

Q: “My husband just came back from a 2 week stint in the oil fields and said he was super tired and said we could have sex tomorrow morning”

A: “It’s porn”

This is all tongue in cheek but damn some of y’all jump to conclusions.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Gold!!!


----------



## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

Truth! The speed with which some people jump to "he/she is cheating!" is truly remarkable. Also I'm amazed at how many guys instantly assume a woman who doesn't want sex has found another man, when based on my discussions with other women, chances are pretty good she's "cheating" with her own hand or an electronic device.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I think there’s validity in trusting your gut, but agree that some get carried away, jumping to conclusions not supported by facts or behavior that’s actually out of the ordinary.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

CallingDrLove said:


> Q: “My husband left the* toilet seat up *last night for the first time in our 40 years of marriage, not a question, just venting”


Hey, there was a post here a while back that started off with suspicious toilet seat activity. That lead to a whole **** storm you would not believe (sorry for the pun).


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Hey, there was a post here a while back that started off with suspicious toilet seat activity. That lead to a whole **** storm you would not believe (sorry for the pun).


my scenario was meant to be a joke but somehow that doesn’t surprise me.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

But we at TAM are one big dysfunctional family! The Man-haters, the women-haters, the cheaters, the betrayed....all one big happy family!


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Over a decade and a half's worth of posts, relegated to a meme, or maybe a TikTok.

NICE ...


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Chaotic said:


> Truth! The speed with which some people jump to "he/she is cheating!" is truly remarkable. Also I'm amazed at how many guys instantly assume a woman who doesn't want sex has found another man, when based on my discussions with other women, chances are pretty good she's "cheating" with her own hand or an electronic device.


Those damn BOB's stealin' da womenz!


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

I recently got great advice from truly awesome people here. The advice really helped me.

I understand the OP post is "tongue in cheek", as stated, but nonetheless I thought I'd mention my recent positive experience.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

@so_sweet We'll take all of the positivity we can get.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

your missing

"my wife has started exercising and eating better, should i be concerned ?"

Yup you should she is cheating...DNA all the kids.


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> But we at TAM are one big dysfunctional family! The Man-haters, the women-haters, the cheaters, the betrayed....all one big happy family!


We sure are!


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Lostinthought61 said:


> your missing
> 
> "my wife has started exercising and eating better, should i be concerned ?"
> 
> Yup you should she is cheating...DNA all the kids.


Get an STD test


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

What you wrote is not too far from the truth, but it you will spend a LOT of time reading through some very long threads here, you will be surprised at how often this "impulsive" advice is dead on the money. This group is EXPERT on detecting cheating. You're dealing with experienced victims.


----------



## Housecat (Nov 27, 2021)

The BS detectors on this forum are fine tuned to go off at everything. It is amusing and can be a bit frustrating. Luckily, there are plenty of useful points of view from all sides of the equation to make this forum a positive place with useful advice.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Sfort said:


> What you wrote is not too far from the truth, but it you will spend a LOT of time reading through some very long threads here, you will be surprised at how often this "impulsive" advice is dead on the money. This group is EXPERT on detecting cheating. You're dealing with experienced victims.


When I was new I challenged one of the regulars who was jumping to conclusions. He told me not to disagree w/ him b/c he was never wrong. At the time you could pull up all of a member's posts so I did and the first thread I looked at was him saying the same thing and the TS disagreeing the whole time. Unfortunately I felt like dragging that into the first thread would be thread jacking so my research didn't go anywhere.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

CallingDrLove said:


> I feel like I could write a FAQ for this website based on what I’ve learned in the last week.
> 
> Q: “My wife worked 15 minutes late last night and took longer than normal to return my texts”
> 
> ...


Stick around.

You might learn some stuff.


----------



## Coloratura (Sep 28, 2021)

Sfort said:


> What you wrote is not too far from the truth, but it you will spend a LOT of time reading through some very long threads here, you will be surprised at how often this "impulsive" advice is dead on the money. This group is EXPERT on detecting cheating. You're dealing with experienced victims.


Truth!! I posted about my husband’s behavior 8 years ago and people immediately said “he might be seeing someone else.” I didn't believe it and defended his honor for paragraphs about how he would NEVER do that to me. But sadly, TAM was right! I should have listened to all that advice I got all those years ago. In my current situation, TAM is literally my lifeline to survival.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Your FAQs are far too short…


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Hahahaha very true.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Hey, there was a post here a while back that started off with suspicious toilet seat activity. That lead to a whole **** storm you would not believe (sorry for the pun).


LOL I remember that hahahaha  

_Something_ went down cause the police/detectives and what not got involved lol


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> Your FAQs are far too short…


I think he might be cheating. I mean…for real just read those FAQs!!!!


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> LOL I remember that hahahaha
> 
> _Something_ went down cause the police/detectives and what not got involved lol


That was a truly tragic story. Man, I felt for that guy. I was hoping against hope TAM was wrong.


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> That was a truly tragic story. Man, I felt for that guy. I hoping against hope TAM was wrong.


I remember his post too. Very sad outcome. I've thought about him a few times and I'm hoping he's OK.


----------



## Junebug86 (Mar 16, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> But we at TAM are one big dysfunctional family! The Man-haters, the women-haters, the cheaters, the betrayed....all one big happy family!


It’s really too bad that people jump to conclusions and give little thought about their response to others.


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Q: (anything)

A: POLYGRAPH! 

It is unbelievable how much faith there is on this board in a JUNK SCIENCE.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

OnTheRocks said:


> _*A: POLYGRAPH!
> 
> It is unbelievable how much faith there is on this board in a JUNK SCIENCE.*_


I don't usually advise anyone to give their lying cheater a polygraph, but there's a lot of leverage a betrayed spouse gets from bringing the polygraph into play.

You're making a big deal about it being "junk science" but that's not the POINT of it. What you're not understanding is that to the average cheater, the mere* thought *of being strapped into the hot seat with wires attached to them and a complete stranger asking them incredibly private questions which will expose their lies and betrayal to their spouse is enough to make MOST of them sing like canaries. Make no mistake - the truly arrogant ones aren't intimidated by a poly and feel they can lie right through it but I'm not talking about them.

I'm guessing you don't have much experience reading about this type of situation with cheaters or you'd know that a good amount of them end up singing like a canary BEFORE they're strapped into the hot seat. It's called a "parking lot confession" because lots of cheaters believe their lies are about to be exposed and as they pull into the parking lot of the poly office, they panic and end up admitting to something they'd been lying about since D Day because they don't want to be exposed. This is why it's commonly called a "parking lot confession," because it happens in the polygraph parking lot. It can also happen the morning of the appt before they leave, or the night before, etc. But most commonly, it seems to be the parking lot confession.

So don't ever underestimate the *POWER* of the Poly - whether you believe it's "junk science" or not. The mere _thought_ of it - for a lot of cheaters - is enough to get a confession. Personally, I'd never resort to this type of desperation to get the truth from a worthless cheater, but some are more than willing to take this route.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

If you read here long enough you’ll find something that seems initially innocuous like “I found a toilet seat left up”.

Then you say, meh… it could be lots of things.

More snooping, guy finds thong panties he hasn’t seen and a dildo hidden in the house.

Still meh…

Guy wires house with cameras everywhere, catches something and poof.

So yeah it’s a meme, but it’s a meme for a reason and the reason is that patterns emerge in the cases detailed here. Sometimes a toilet seat is just a toilet seat and sometimes porn didn’t do it, but I think people end up here for a reason.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> If you read here long enough you’ll find something that seems initially innocuous like “I found a toilet seat left up”.
> 
> Then you say, meh… it could be lots of things.
> 
> ...


Add "They are just a friend" to the list


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

BTW I have changed my own behavior based on TAM to try and avoid situations I have read about here that led to ruin.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> Add "They are just a friend" to the list


Ah and the all time #1, “I know they’d never cheat but…”


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> Ah and the all time #1, “I know they’d never cheat but…”


I have always loved the "I am positive they aren't cheating" argument


----------



## Coloratura (Sep 28, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> I have always loved the "I am positive they aren't cheating" argument


I used that same argument on TAM years ago and am starting the process of divorce now because of all the cheating.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Coloratura said:


> I used that same argument on TAM years ago and am starting the process of divorce now because of all the cheating.


Don't feel bad, I said the same thing! 🤣🤣🤣


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

I never knew what a VAR was until I stumbled upon these here streets of TAM city. 🤷‍♂️


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

OnTheRocks said:


> Q: (anything)
> 
> A: POLYGRAPH!
> 
> It is unbelievable how much faith there is on this board in a JUNK SCIENCE.


It is the psychological impact of subjecting a cheating spouse to this. I enjoyed the tension it created with my FWW.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

There was a thread running a few years ago when a man came home from working away during the week to find his very heavy antique bed had moved out from the wall. He got suspicious and came on tam for advice. It transpired that his wife and her boyfriend were so energetic in the sack that the bed had moved.
As for what I’ve learned from tam I wouldn’t know where to start I’ve learned so much.
The most important thing is that nobody really knows how they will react the first time someone cheats. It’s very easy to say you would divorce straight away but very few people actually do it.
The second thing I’ve learned is that you put your family first, above everything and everyone else.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> If you read here long enough you’ll find something that seems initially innocuous like “I found a toilet seat left up”.
> 
> Then you say, meh… it could be lots of things.
> 
> ...


This is the only toilet seat thread I can recall. Don't recall it involving police/detectives, though. Actually, suspected the topic was a piece of fiction.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

I know what he means about people jumping to conclusions 😂. Some say that members are good BS detectors. But it's more like they just don't trust anyone of the opposite sex and then wonder why they are having issues. I mean even a dead clock is correct once every day 😆.

My wife went to the grocery store alone for an hour..... She is definitely cheating! Must be banging the bag boy in the parking lot 🤣

Also, God forbid you or your spouse having a girls or boys night out. The thought of doing something without your spouse is always frowned upon 😂.

Or you get someone posting my spouse hits me, verbally abuses me, threatens me, etc. This has been happening for years and they keep saying they will stop..... You give blunt, but honest advice and you are labeled as being mean and insensitive 🙄

But it is a big happy super dysfunctional family that provides some good advice, laughs, and makes you go wtf 😂


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

It should be called the IMAX message board because of the amount of projecting going on.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Thought of the day:

So many people complain about TAM yet are still here posting. 🤔


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Numb26 said:


> Thought of the day:
> 
> So many people complain about TAM yet are still here posting. 🤔


It's not all bad. There are some good people here. But I also believe there are people just lashing out because they are hurt as well as people who just want to cause harm 

Conanhub really helped me out when my daughter was suspended from school. I followed his advice and the school admin must of gone into panic mode 🤣


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> It's not all bad. There are some good people here. But I also believe there are people just lashing out because they are hurt as well as people who just want to cause harm
> 
> Conanhub really helped me out when my daughter was suspended from school. I followed his advice and the school admin must of gone into panic mode 🤣


The Barbarian is one of the good ones!


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> There was a thread running a few years ago when a man came home from working away during the week to find his very heavy antique bed had moved out from the wall. He got suspicious and came on tam for advice. It transpired that his wife and her boyfriend were so energetic in the sack that the bed had moved.
> As for what I’ve learned from tam I wouldn’t know where to start I’ve learned so much.
> The most important thing is that nobody really knows how they will react the first time someone cheats. It’s very easy to say you would divorce straight away but very few people actually do it.
> The second thing I’ve learned is that you put your family first, above everything and everyone else.


I came on here back in 2016... left because it was too much for me at the time.. I was married to a truly terrible person... but, was so much in love that I knew he was bad yet stayed because I didn't have anywhere else to go, low self-esteem looking back now.. FFWD to 2019... I discovered his coworker at our then home (I was across the USA in FL while he was in CA). I flipped out on him and a week later he files for divorce, the week after she did (they had the same lawyer, both were in the military). He left me homeless when I finally flew back while he moved her into his new house. Back then, I was a hot mess.. emphasis on hot still today because I am a sight to be seen now that I truly see myself... 

I came back after all this time to TAM to let everyone know that we aren't together.. I'm stronger and much more independent now, I learned so much.. I read on here everyday.. some of us have handled the whole cheating thing a lot better than I did... I guess after rambling, what I'm trying to say is that when it comes to TAM, you either take it or leave it. The people here are amazing, I even made a couple of friends... I try to share this forum with girlfriends that I know are in need, but they aren't there yet... when one has a problem, all they are doing on here is just speaking based on their experience which is what they did to me in 2016.. I just couldn't handle it.. But now, I'm sure is I was thrown a 2x4 I could handle it, catch it and probably even chew on it. 😉 So to speak.. not literal...

Sorry about the ramble again.. Happy Friday.


----------



## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I don't usually advise anyone to give their lying cheater a polygraph, but there's a lot of leverage a betrayed spouse gets from bringing the polygraph into play.
> 
> You're making a big deal about it being "junk science" but that's not the POINT of it. What you're not understanding is that to the average cheater, the mere* thought *of being strapped into the hot seat with wires attached to them and a complete stranger asking them incredibly private questions which will expose their lies and betrayal to their spouse is enough to make MOST of them sing like canaries. Make no mistake - the truly arrogant ones aren't intimidated by a poly and feel they can lie right through it but I'm not talking about them.
> 
> ...


I've been around TAM for a while, and have been cheated on a few times. Are you've saying you've counseled this and seen it work IRL? I don't recall any stories on here where the fabled 'parking lot confession' actually happened. 

The mere thought of my partner asking me for a poly would make me........ laugh hysterically.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> Add "They are just a friend" to the list


This is a bit like "The plane is not going to crash", in that we're more likely to hear about it when it's wrong.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> ...the mere* thought *of being strapped into the hot seat with wires attached to them and a complete stranger asking them incredibly private questions which will expose their lies...





OnTheRocks said:


> The mere thought of my partner asking me for a poly would make me........ laugh hysterically.


I've always found the polygraph a bizarre request/demand.

Though I could be wrong, I don't think too many (who consider themselves innocent with nothing to hide) would line up to have the dark corners of their inner lives interrogated and revealed for the whole world to ogle.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

minimalME said:


> I've always found the polygraph a bizarre request/demand.
> 
> Though I could be wrong, I don't think too many would line up to have the dark corners of their inner lives interrogated and revealed for the whole world to ogle.


I never understood it either. I don't need it to believe what my gut is telling me.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> I never understood it either. I don't need it to believe what my gut is telling me.


Exactly. If you don't trust someone, then that's that.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

minimalME said:


> Exactly. If you don't trust someone, then that's that.


What would a poly done to change what went on with my XW? Not a damm thing


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I know this was just tongue in cheek humor and appreciate that we can laugh at ourselves because, yes at times we can get out of control but I think the TAM consensus is on point way more than not.

For instance in that toilet seat up thread, many were ridiculing him for being concerned about something like that. After answering probing questions, and getting advise on TAM, he indeed did find out that his wife was betraying him. It’s too bad that he hasn’t come back to update on the latest.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> What would a poly done to change what went on with my XW? Not a damm thing


I think a polygraph is more useful when the BS is leaning towards R or is undecided. If the BS wants a divorce regardless, then a poly would just be a waste of time, money, and emotional energy.

I doubt it would help restore trust, but I could be wrong - I didn't have my wife do one. It can be a good tool for sometimes getting the truth out (which may help a BS decide) or seeing how remorseful the WS really is. If I asked my wife to do one and she refused, I don't imagine that would have gone over well.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

minimalME said:


> I've always found the polygraph a bizarre request/demand.
> 
> Though I could be wrong, I don't think too many (who consider themselves innocent with nothing to hide) would line up to have the dark corners of their inner lives interrogated and revealed for the whole world to ogle.


I could go into a long explanation about how they work and more importantly how to fool them. I am speaking from experience, as a young man I worked for a company that made them. But to cut a long story very short if you are capable of getting annoyed just thinking about something and you can hide your annoyance then you can fool them.
Remember that you only get to ask four or five questions.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I could go into a long explanation about how they work another more importantly how to fool them. I am speaking from experience, as a young man I worked for a company that made them. But to cut a long story very short if you are capable of getting annoyed just thinking about something and you can hide your annoyance then you can fool them.
> Remember that you only get to ask four or five questions.


Right. I wouldn't be bothered with trying to learn to lie during a polygraph - and I'd never agree to take one. 😊


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

CallingDrLove said:


> It should be called the IMAX message board because of the amount of projecting going on.


And yet, here you sit.

Considering you aren't really posing any solutions, and you appear to be intent on little else beyond stirring the pot, I have to assume you are looking to test the limits of moderators tolerance for trolling. If so, please continue. 

Otherwise, there is a forum to make suggestions. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

Lostinthought61 said:


> your missing
> 
> "my wife has started exercising and eating better, should i be concerned ?"
> 
> Yup you should she is cheating...DNA all the kids.


YES!!!!!


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

CallingDrLove said:


> Get an STD test


'I told my wife that she's fat and needs to lose weight and stop eating so much, it's not fair to me that she can eat whatever she wants and I can't do coke. Now she's going to the gym and she is obviously seeing somebody there because she wants to go on a friday night while I'm out of town, camping with my buddies'

It must be the coke


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> This is the only toilet seat thread I can recall. Don't recall it involving police/detectives, though. Actually, suspected the topic was a piece of fiction.


I don't think it was fiction. It was a guy with 3 daughters and a wife running a flower shop. He didn't think in a million years there would be something going on with her stoner employee or her dumpy looking delivery guy. He found something on cameras he hid while away for work. He stopped posting because he found more than just infidelity. It end up involving law enforcement. I would really like to know how that turned out. It all started with him finding the toilet seat up in a guest bathroom after being away, which was odd because he was the only man in the house. Hard to believe something so small could be the first sign of something so nefarious.


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I don't think it was fiction. It was a guy with 3 daughters and a wife running a flower shop. He didn't think in a million years there would be going on with her stoner employee or her dumpy looking delivery guy. He found something on cameras he hid while away for work. He stopped posted because he found more than just infidelity. It end up involving law enforcement. I would really like to know how that turned out. It all started with him finding the toilet seat up in a guest bathroom after being away, which was odd because he was the only man in the house. Hard to believe something so small could be the first sign of something so nefarious.


Sounds similar to when I've read on here, check the phone bill... a whole world of wtf... I didn't know.. eyes wide open.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Works said:


> Sounds similar to when I've read on here, check the phone bill... a whole world of wtf... I didn't know.. eyes wide open.


Phone bill, word on the street and a video. I didn't know either.


----------



## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

CallingDrLove said:


> Q: “My husband just came back from a 2 week stint in the oil fields and said he was super tired and said we could have sex tomorrow morning”
> 
> A: “It’s porn”


Three years ago, my oil worker husband came home after a 4 week hitch, didn't want to get it on immediately that night...after he fell asleep, checked his phone. Turned out he was tired, because my daughter in law met him at a rest stop and had already done it for me. Sometimes a gut feeling is exactly that...a punch in the gut.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> Three years ago, my oil worker husband came home after a 4 week hitch, didn't want to get it on immediately that night...after he fell asleep, checked his phone. Turned out he was tired, because my daughter in law met him at a rest stop and had already done it for me. Sometimes a gut feeling is exactly that...a punch in the gut.


Ouch


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> Three years ago, my oil worker husband came home after a 4 week hitch, didn't want to get it on immediately that night...after he fell asleep, checked his phone. Turned out he was tired, because my daughter in law met him at a rest stop and had already done it for me. Sometimes a gut feeling is exactly that...a punch in the gut.


Wow. This is terrible on so many levels. Sorry.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> Phone bill, word on the street and a video. I didn't know either.


My now ex was away for work (2017) for a week.. we were fighting back and forth and I tried to get into his bank account to see what was going on, I was also on it.. He changed the password.. I said what hasn't he changed the password to?? The phone bill... I sat down and analyzed.. one number texted from 7am to 11pm for a week straight.. yet he wouldn't bother messaging me good morning because he didn't have to do it everyday... I called my friend who was a PI and gave him what I found.. within 5 minutes I knew everything about this woman.. Come to find out she was driving 45 minutes to and from base to pick him up and take him to lunch and dinner... I was oblivious until I checked that bill, when he got back I said, if I hadn't seen it, would you had told me?? He said nope.. We are divorced now (not cause of that), but to this day, he maintains that her and him never did anything and he just didn't wanna be on base bored after work.. they met at a bar and she complimented him on the boots I bought him, and invited him to sit with her friends.. even spending the night at the friend's house. I asked, where did you sleep? He says in a bedroom, I said where did she sleep? He said on the floor.. I said a woman that looks like her does NOT sleep on the floor..

Anywho.. good thing I got past the anger from that time.. the memories this post is brining up for me..

I still maintain that he cheated on me back then and that's when it all started...

So, check the phone bill is indeed, VERY true.. when I discovered the other girl in my house in 2019 and I called him flipping out (her car was in my driveway) I said to him.. who the eff is in my house and don't effing lie to me.. it was sooo funny.. I was in FL and him in CA.. he said, and I'll never forget this.. You have cameras inside?! I said no mothereffer... my cameras are outside.. who the eff is it?! And I guessed.. his coworker he'd left me for..

Vent over... 😊


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> Three years ago, my oil worker husband came home after a 4 week hitch, didn't want to get it on immediately that night...after he fell asleep, checked his phone. Turned out he was tired, because my daughter in law met him at a rest stop and had already done it for me. Sometimes a gut feeling is exactly that...a punch in the gut.


Holy crap!! So double betrayal, you and your son. How disgusting. I'm so sorry to hear that.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> I never understood it either. I don't need it to believe what my gut is telling me.


Think of all those lie detector tests on Maury though.

Maury: We asked have you ever cheated? You answered no…
Maury: <opens envelope>
Maury: The lie detector determined that was a lie.
Audience: <oooooooh>
Maury: And not once… but 5 times!
Audience: <oh no you didn’t>
Poor lady: <starts slapping at scumbag>

I mean it never gets old. So to do a reveal like that IRL would certainly be interesting.


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Works said:


> My now ex was away for work (2017) for a week.. we were fighting back and forth and I tried to get into his bank account to see what was going on, I was also on it.. He changed the password.. I said what hasn't he changed the password to?? The phone bill... I sat down and analyzed.. one number texted from 7am to 11pm for a week straight.. yet he wouldn't bother messaging me good morning because he didn't have to do it everyday... I called my friend who was a PI and gave him what I found.. within 5 minutes I knew everything about this woman.. Come to find out she was driving 45 minutes to and from base to pick him up and take him to lunch and dinner... I was oblivious until I checked that bill, when he got back I said, if I hadn't seen it, would you had told me?? He said nope.. We are divorced now (not cause of that), but to this day, he maintains that her and him never did anything and he just didn't wanna be on base bored after work.. they met at a bar and she complimented him on the boots I bought him, and invited him to sit with her friends.. even spending the night at the friend's house. I asked, where did you sleep? He says in a bedroom, I said where did she sleep? He said on the floor.. I said a woman that looks like her does NOT sleep on the floor..
> 
> Anywho.. good thing I got past the anger from that time.. the memories this post is brining up for me..
> 
> ...


The best thing about my situation was that Karma got her quickly!! 🤣🤣🤣


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You do have to ask yourself this question. How often does someone come here with big red flags waving and it turns out it isn’t what it looks like?


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> The best thing about my situation was that Karma got her quickly!! 🤣🤣🤣


Oh man.. I know my ex and the girl he left me for aren't together anymore it was too volatile. I think this was a year and a half or so after he moved her in.. when he told me I said, nooooo.. you mean the grass wasn't greener on the otherside?! 😱


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> You do have to ask yourself this question. How often does someone come here with big red flags waving and it turns out it isn’t what it looks like?


This too... so far mine came in attached to me (past when I posted on here).

But it's true.. I wanted to posted about a situation I am sort of having now.. and when I stepped back and took another look, there was not a red flag... but just myself over-analyzing my current situation.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> You do have to ask yourself this question. How often does someone come here with big red flags waving and it turns out it isn’t what it looks like?


How many of those situations end with any sort of resolution on here? How many times do they just disappear?


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Works said:


> Oh man.. I know my ex and the girl he left me for aren't together anymore it was too volatile. I think this was a year and a half or so after he moved her in.. when he told me I said, nooooo.. you mean the grass wasn't greener on the otherside?! 😱


Mine ended up in prison, lost custody of our kids and is generally miserable now


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> It's not all bad. There are some good people here. But I also believe there are people just lashing out because they are hurt as well as people who just want to cause harm
> 
> Conanhub really helped me out when my daughter was suspended from school. I followed his advice and the school admin must of gone into panic mode 🤣


When @ConanHub does pushups he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> Mine ended up in prison, lost custody of our kids and is generally miserable now


I think people want me to be miserable, but the last 5 years have been the best of my life. 🤗


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

CallingDrLove said:


> How many of those situations end with any sort of resolution on here? How many times do they just disappear?


It doesn’t change the basic facts though does it?


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

minimalME said:


> I think people want me to be miserable, but the last 5 years have been the best of my life. 🤗


Best revenge is to live a great life!


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

jsmart said:


> I know this was just tongue in cheek humor and appreciate that we can laugh at ourselves because, yes at times we can get out of control but I think the TAM consensus is on point way more than not.


Maybe, but have you asked yourself how TAM would be different if you were wrong?


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> Thought of the day:
> 
> So many people complain about TAM yet are still here posting. 🤔


There is such a thing as constructive criticism. I would consider the post before yours to be a constructive suggestion that people not project.


----------



## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> It doesn’t change the basic facts though does it?


My point being that some seem to think they are batting a 1000 with their assessment of situations when they really aren’t.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

CallingDrLove said:


> My point being that some seem to think they are batting a 1000 with their assessment of situations when they really aren’t.


Yes. 

If my spouse was having an affair, I might learn it was true and tell TAM. If not, I can never prove anything and the illusion of batting 1000 lives on.


----------



## marissa2017 (Jul 9, 2020)

CallingDrLove said:


> Get an STD test
> [/QUOTE ]





CallingDrLove said:


> My point being that some seem to think they are batting a 1000 with their assessment of situations when they really aren’t.


What I find missing on TAM is about walk away wives, some times the women have tried for years to get through to their husbands what they need, then they finally decide they are done and all the men on here are convinced they are having an affair, when all the woman wants is to get away from their husband and they at that point are so likely disgusted with men that another man is not even on their radar.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

CallingDrLove said:


> My point being that some seem to think they are batting a 1000 with their assessment of situations when they really aren’t.


So. Nothing is 100% certain except death and taxes.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

marissa2017 said:


> What I find missing on TAM is about walk away wives, some times the women have tried for years to get through to their husbands what they need, then they finally decide they are done and all the men on here are convinced they are having an affair, when all the woman wants is to get away from their husband and they at that point are so likely disgusted with men that another man is not even on their radar.


Frankly, men tend to blame the waw for not being able to get through to her husband. A guy can go through his marriage with fingers in his ears and singing the Star Spangled Banner so loudly it drowns out a jet engine; but, it is his wife's fault that she can't get him to listen. She isn't using the right tone of voice or the right words or she isn't bringing it up at the opportune time or he has a tummy ache or whatever. 

It is *always, always, always, *going to be her fault, dammit!! We old-timers get used to it.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> It is *always, always, always, *going to be her fault, dammit!!


That's right!😋


----------



## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> You do have to ask yourself this question. How often does someone come here with big red flags waving and it turns out it isn’t what it looks like?


What I came on here for advice for, really wasn't what it looked like. He did apologize to me for jumping to conclusions and I absolutely did tell him that he had every right to.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I don't think it was fiction. It was a guy with 3 daughters and a wife running a flower shop. He didn't think in a million years there would be something going on with her stoner employee or her dumpy looking delivery guy. He found something on cameras he hid while away for work. He stopped posting because he found more than just infidelity. It end up involving law enforcement. I would really like to know how that turned out. It all started with him finding the toilet seat up in a guest bathroom after being away, which was odd because he was the only man in the house. Hard to believe something so small could be the first sign of something so nefarious.











I Found The Toilet Seat Up


I came home a day early from a business trip about six weeks ago and found the toilet seat up in our upstairs guest bathroom. This may not be remarkable in most households, but I (51) live with my wife (44) and our 3 daughters (17, 15, and 13). Living with four women means always putting the...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


----------



## FarmTownGirl (Feb 18, 2021)

Chaotic said:


> Truth! The speed with which some people jump to "he/she is cheating!" is truly remarkable. Also I'm amazed at how many guys instantly assume a woman who doesn't want sex has found another man, when based on my discussions with other women, chances are pretty good she's "cheating" with her own hand or an electronic device.


Or she just doesn't have that high a sex drive and isn't doing either.


----------



## Goo (9 mo ago)

By the time someone is writing to TAM for advice they feel something is wrong. They just don't want to admit it.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Chaotic said:


> Truth! The speed with which some people jump to "he/she is cheating!" is truly remarkable.


That's because those of us who were initially blind saw that light and with our experience can smell bulls*** a mile away. If it doesn't seem like cheating, we will say so.
But sometimes it's as plain as the nose on our faces.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

drencrom said:


> That's because those of us who were initially blind saw that light and with our experience can smell bulls*** a mile away. If it doesn't seem like cheating, we will say so.
> But sometimes it's as plain as the nose on our faces.


Yep, I think there is an important distinction....

Those that think we are jumping to conclusion are actually just slow on the uptake, and it is proven out time and time again.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

CallingDrLove said:


> How many of those situations end with any sort of resolution on here? How many times do they just disappear?





CallingDrLove said:


> My point being that some seem to think they are batting a 1000 with their assessment of situations when they really aren’t.


That is a known rule of TAM...

If the OP disappears, we were right.


----------



## Junebug86 (Mar 16, 2021)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> Three years ago, my oil worker husband came home after a 4 week hitch, didn't want to get it on immediately that night...after he fell asleep, checked his phone. Turned out he was tired, because my daughter in law met him at a rest stop and had already done it for me. Sometimes a gut feeling is exactly that...a punch in the gut.


What did you do after you discovered this? I cannot imagine the hurt, betrayal and anger you must have felt.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> That's right!😋


Yes it is always the woman.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Junebug86 said:


> What did you do after you discovered this? I cannot imagine the hurt, betrayal and anger you must have felt.


oMG ! F’d to the max!


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> Think of all those lie detector tests on Maury though.
> 
> Maury: We asked have you ever cheated? You answered no…
> Maury: <opens envelope>
> ...


Those are OK, but the baby daddy ones are the best.

Maury: We tested these three men to see who was the father
Maury: Darnel, you are not the father
Audience: Ooooooh
Darnel runs around stage doing saumersaults

Maury: Josh, you are not the father
Audience: Ooooooh
Josh falls to the ground does "the worm"

Maury: Jim Bob you are not the father!
Baby Mama: Runs off stage crying
Billy Bob moons the Audience
Audience: Oooooooooh

But the follow ups are gold, when she comes back 3 months later with another 3 men to test.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

The all time greatest, 13 year old has sex for “stuff”.

Maury: Is it true you once had sex with a man for a cheeseburger?
Girl: Yea..:
Maury: Why would you do that? You’re much better than that!
Girl: Cheeseburgers are tasty Maury.
Maury: ?!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> The all time greatest, 13 year old has sex for “stuff”.
> 
> Maury: Is it true you once had sex with a man for a cheeseburger?
> Girl: Yea..:
> ...


I do what I want, Maury!


----------

