# My husband doesnt see the true facts!



## panchic320 (Jul 22, 2015)

I met my husband 4 years ago. We married a year ago and now expecting our first child together. 
When we first met I was 21 and he was 26. I was into the party scene and just wanting to live my life how I wanted. He already had 2 beautiful girls and had his mind set with his responsibility. We dated for about 3 months, but I never was really into to him so I broke it off with hm. He wanted to be friends with benefit ,but I wasnt into doing any of that either. I just wanted to do me and not have an commitments with anyone or check in to anyone other than myself. I sing ,so I went out to sing at a lot of karaoke bars and restaurants and people began to notice me. He met me at a karaoke restaurant so he was aware people were beginning to notice me and anywhere we went they knew me. 

Well after breaking up with him, he moved to Florida with his daughters and tried his relationship again with the girls mother. They never married. During that time we never spoke or go in contact with each other. I never thought I would see him again. I continued singing, competing in talent shows and even going onto the radio I had become very well known. I made lots of friends and enemies in the time. Lots, of guys trying to get me to go out with them, guys come and give me their numbers. Where ever I went guys would just come and take pics with me. I went on dates but never anything serious and no 1 night stands either My mother taught me well and I always showed self respect for myself as a woman. No one to this day has been able to point a finger at me and said I have been around and have seen me with one with another and so far. 

Many women tried to make false ,but showing who I was to people was all I had to for people to know that all said about me was all envious women and gossip. I didnt have to open my mouth to defend myself. because of that. 3 years later I was out of town one weekend and I wasn't planning on going to my local karaoke bar ,but ended up going anyway. Now, I was never alone I always went with my younger brother and my aunt and uncle who was the Dj every sunday . I never went out alone .I was always with them.Anyway, so I ended up going that sunday to the restaurant and he was there. We were so surprised and I was actually happy to have seen him again . We hugged and it felt as if time had stopped and it was just us in that moment It was one of the best hugs I had ever had in a long time. We talked the whole night and I gave him my number call me. I anxiously waited for his call. He called me the next day. We set up to go out the next day . 

That week a good friend of mine was celebrating his birthday and a group of friends and I were just going out to have drinks. I didn't mention anything to him because I had just seen him and didnt think I had to inform him of where or what I was going to be doing. The day after going out with my now husband I went out with friends. He never asked and I never told him. We weren't anything serious and I honestly wasn't even thinking we would last let alone going into a deep serious relationship. We went out a couple times after that. Things were getting a little more obvious between us the attraction was there , but we had not kissed or anything yet. On our like 4th date he kissed me ,but he cut our date short because he had to work and it worked fine with me because I had a family dinner at my aunts. He asked what I was going to do and I told him that I had a family thing at my aunts. We kissed and he brought me home. My mom came home and we went to my aunts. After dinner and all we all wanted to do more it was a Friday night so went on to our faithful restaurant for karaoke. He calls that night and I go to the bathroom. He asked me where I was so I told him . At a restaurant but I came to the bathroom o talk to you. He asked me with who I told him my family we ended up going out after our dinner. I didn't see anything wrong with telling him and going to the bathroom to speak to him. 

Months past everything going well. Im still thinking maybe we are jut having fun with each other. But I know my feelings aren't just happening for no reason. Im falling for this guy. Im happy with him and always anxious and excited to see him.Our love grew and one night we talk about marriage . We are 6months or more into our relationship and everything for me is now him. I went out with him, I went to karaoke with him. It was us now. Went to friends parties together everything together. I didn't want do anything without him. In November 8months into our relationship we planned to moved in together. 2weeks later after talking about it I began to stay a his house. He lived with is cousin. I didn't feel comfortable ,but I wanted to be with him. 

One night I went to my house which is y moms house and it was almost 10 pm I texted him Im leaving my house and omw home. He works out of town mon-fri so I was only seeing him on the weekends. After texting him I stayed later talking to with my mom and watching our Spanish soap operas. When I got back to his house it was midnight. I didn't want to stay at my house because I had already texted him I was leaving my house . 2 days later he comes home and asks me what time I got home I told him I got home later than the time it was when I texted him. He got upset ,super angry, thought I was with someone else I explained to him and even got my mom to verify that I was with her , that she even tried to have me stay but I told her no because I had already told him I was leaving. We argued and few days past.

In December he asks me to marry him . We marry in March a year later and now Im 8 weeks pregnant. We since then haven't had any problems or miscommunication. A few weeks ago he is looking through my phone and I have never been paranoid or worried about him looking through my phone because I have nothing to hide from him. wile we were dating he asked to me delete pics I had with guy friends and I had no problem doing so. I have fb and apps that I never had been afraid to show him or ever hide from him. 
I had my app of instagram which I was never a big instagrammer to post everything on there. It had been more than a year since I posted something on their. He logs in and finds pics of an old karaoke friend which is married btw on there. My guy friend that celebrated his birthday with a group of friends and a guy that took a pic of me and tagged me in it. HE flipped out and says HE DOESNT TRUST ME BECAUSE I'VE LIED TO HIM, THAT I STILL HAVE PICS OF OLD FLAMES, PEOPLE I WAS PROBABLY SLEEPING WITH . 

I tried to explaining to him I didn't remember those were on there .The date on their tells you since when I was last on here . More than 1 yr ago, way before we even saw each other again. He feels betrayed that I lied and then brought up when I didn't tell him I was celebrating my friends bday and why I went to the bathroom to speak to him. So now im dumbfounded that he brings up all this crap now and says ive been lying to him the whole time. Im trying to make him see that I didn't lie to him and never have . that those pics were before his time and I didn't remember they were since it had been a year since I was last one there. He is so upset wit me and says he has lost all his trust in me because I have lied to him. I don't know what ESLE TO SHOW HIM, WHAT TO DO TO MAKE HIM SEE THAT I HAVE NEVER BEEN UNLOYAY ,UFAITHFUL, AND HAVE NEVER DISRESPECTED HIM SINCE WE HAVE BEEN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. 

He has been so mean and has said mean things that I feel I do not deserve because I have done nothing but defend and make my relationship the best it can be. Because its the best ive had. just need help or some word of advice. Because I don't know how else to make him see the real facts and the proof that's all there that I have been honest and faithful to him.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Sounds like he needs to have his head examined. He certainly has anger and jealousy issues, doesn't he?

You cannot "prove" a negative. This man needs counseling to deal with his trust and insecurity issues. Perhaps a good marriage counselor can help you two communicate clearly about this issue, and can help him see that his unwarranted lack of trust in you is very damaging to YOUR ability to trust HIM -- how can you count on someone who hurls false accusations your way?

Sorry you're here


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

I think you would get more replies if you broke your text up into paragraphs.


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

Tell him to knock it off pronto!

If he refuses to do so and refuses counseling then: Move on. Don't waste time on an immture, jealous twit.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

If it was not for you been pregnant, I would advise you to move on. Expecting a child is a different story. Said that, if he does not change, I would still consider to move on. You would be a better off without this constant false accusations.


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## Sure that could work (Jun 9, 2015)

I am confused. If I get this right he flipped out about thinking you are cheating after he found out he was going to be a daddy? Is the baby something you discussed ahead of time? Was it a mutual agreement to become parents? It sounds like he is flipping out about the baby and perhaps using this trumped up excuse to flip out. 

Stop defending yourself, you explained now let it go, do not engage in this trumped up drama. If he wants to flip out let him, just do not engage. Do not buy into the drama. 

I got nothing else......but try and communicate. Some people really flip out about becoming parents and maybe he is one of them.


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## panchic320 (Jul 22, 2015)

Having a baby was a mutual thing. He has 2 daughters so I don't think that's the case.


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## panchic320 (Jul 22, 2015)

@tryingtobebetter .Being new to this didn't think it would all run into each sentence like that. Should be better now. Thanks for your editorial correction!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

panchic320 said:


> @tryingtobebetter .Being new to this didn't think it would all run into each sentence like that. Should be better now. Thanks for your editorial correction!


Thank you . 

I'm sorry you're here . Was he cheated on before? You sound like a great woman and, sorry, he sounds like an insecure jerk. 

If you want to stay with this man, be prepared to walk on eggshells forever. This particular incident will have to blow over because there's nothing you can do about it. You don't have a time machine.

Do you??


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## confusedgirl20 (Jul 21, 2015)

He probably just has a lot of insecurities built up bc you have more friends (and admirers) than he does. Maybe he feels resentful from your breakup before or thinks that you still might not love him or want your old life back. Since youre expecting, id say to just try to tell him what he means to you calmly and let him know that you have a lot of respect for tour relationship and wouldnt do things to hurt him.
if he keeps up unfounded accusations, then maybe counseling?


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## Sure that could work (Jun 9, 2015)

panchic320 said:


> Having a baby was a mutual thing. He has 2 daughters so I don't think that's the case.


Same deal, quite defending yourself and just watch him flip out. He really has nothing and you are either going to have to walk out the door or stand and watch him, just do not engage in the drama. 

I am sorry you are going through this right now when you should be enjoying the pregnancy.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Honestly, this is the tip of the iceberg. He is showing you the drama and nasty crap you will have to deal with for the rest of your marriage with him. If you want to stay married, you need to lay down some ground rules NOW. No nasty crap is to come out of his mouth, or that's the end of it. You are not to be given grief over stuff that happened prior to your relationship because it was your life and you were not answerable to him.

You chase him, you apologise to him, you behave like you've wronged him and you give him power and he will make you regret it. Right now is the point where you have to decide what you will and will not put up with from your spouse. You are not weak. You have the power here to stop this in it's tracks. You've told him what it was about. If he chooses not to believe you, that's his choice and you don't have to live with a spouse who treats you like dirt. Now tell him to let it go or get out.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

If you have not done anything, then just be calm. At some point you can ask what he wants. I think part of this was a dysfunctional relationship with your having more power and people chasing after you. He could not ventilate this but now that he has some control, with you pregnant and now far more committed to the relationship, he can let out some of the jealousy he probably felt all along.


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

IMO, one of the worst things for a partner to do is to enable her partner's insecurity. Many people rather submit to their partners' demands to avoid conflicts or make them feel better, but the truth is that unless they face their own insecurity issues, these issues are just like black holes that will be harder and harder to satisfy. Today might be instagram photos, tomorrow might be talking to a male friend in the street or even having them in FB list.

It's important to be firm with your boundaries and be supportive and understanding at the same time. This way he can know that you do care for him and be there for him, but he still has to face the insecurity for the sake of himself and your marriage.


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