# Husbands friend is Living with us!! and we have NO privacy



## WifeONedge

Ok so my husbands invited his bestfriend to live with us about 3 months ago with out "asking" me first. Anyway its a total disaster....the guys pays no rent he eats all our food and he takes up the few hours I have with my husband when he gets home form his long winded job. I've told my husband to make him leave, but he wont...im overly frustrated because as a young married couple with a baby, we should be living on our own, his friend took over my sons room and now my son has to sleep in our room, to make matter worse we finally were having the most amazing sex this morning and his friend walks right in with out knocking on our door first, so after he leaves we get back to it and then he does it AGAIN!!  we have NO privacy anymore and its terrible! I don't know what to do anymore...this guy has no where else to go until he saves up enuff money to leave, but why would he leave when he can live the mooching life of riley with us?? what do I do, how do I cope? I've already said all I can say to my hubby and it just strikes an argument..please please help!!!!


----------



## Thoreau

Well, there's always an ultimatum. Him or you.


----------



## The Middleman

You want his friend out? Just tell your husband you think his friend is cute and you find him sexually attractive. He'll be gone in 60 seconds. (I'm just kidding with you, but you know, it just might work).


----------



## EleGirl

If the guy is going to stay for a while...
1) lock your bedroom door for privacy.
2) charge him room and board and put the money in an account to save it for him. That should get him out of your place in 2-3 months.

Is he a vet? If so there are places they can stay for free for a while to get back on their feet.

Does this guy have family?

There are people who rent rooms. He could go rent a room.


----------



## diwali123

What a disaster! He came back in to get a second look? Are you kidding me???? 
Do you have somewhere you could go? I'm sorry but that would creep me out! Next he'll be trying to join you in bed. 
I think I'd say he either gets out or you and baby are leaving. He crossed a boundary and needs to leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bellavista

Your husband has to understand that when he married you, he made you first in his life, not his mates.

And you are right, the friend will never leave while he has free accomodation & free food.

If the sitution is such that your husband will not listen to rational arguments about his friend, then it may come down to you issuing an ultimatium to your husband, as suggested, either the friend goes or you & the child go.

And I am sure I have read similar stories to this and those people were given similar advice.


----------



## jd08

Agree with the above poster. Seriosuly, your house is not a bachelor pad or college dorm. Time for this guy to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wiserforit

WifeONedge said:


> Ok so my husbands invited his bestfriend to live with us about 3 months ago with out "asking" me first. Anyway its a total disaster....the guys pays no rent he eats all our food and he takes up the few hours I have with my husband when he gets home form his long winded job. I've told my husband to make him leave, but he wont...im overly frustrated because as a young married couple with a baby, we should be living on our own, his friend took over my sons room and now my son has to sleep in our room, to make matter worse we finally were having the most amazing sex this morning and his friend walks right in with out knocking on our door first, so after he leaves we get back to it and then he does it AGAIN!!  we have NO privacy anymore and its terrible! I don't know what to do anymore...this guy has no where else to go until he saves up enuff money to leave, but why would he leave when he can live the mooching life of riley with us?? what do I do, how do I cope? I've already said all I can say to my hubby and it just strikes an argument..please please help!!!!


Not just over the line, but unconcscionable. I'd be taking the baby and moving to my parents' house, and downloading divorce papers from the clerk of court. He can have sex with his friend from now on. 

The "nowhere else to go" is bullsh11t. It isn't your job to figure out what he is supposed to do. Moving him in without talking to you was treason. It has to be dealt with accordingly. If you accept this, get ready for a lifetime of the same thing.


----------



## humanbecoming

*Re: Re: Husbands friend is Living with us!! and we have NO privacy*



diwali123 said:


> What a disaster! He came back in to get a second look? Are you kidding me????
> Do you have somewhere you could go? I'm sorry but that would creep me out! Next he'll be trying to join you in bed.
> I think I'd say he either gets out or you and baby are leaving. He crossed a boundary and needs to leave.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah...once is an inexcusable accident, the second time was for his jollies.... That's just wrong.


----------



## Dollystanford

I do understand how difficult it is to say no - my ex husband's best friend was round every single night when he was splitting from his wife, I used to come home from a full day's work and cook dinner for both of them. But at least he had his mum's to go to at night

There is no way I would have put up with that level of intrusion though - you need to give your husband an ultimatum I'm afraid

He can either kick his mate out or they can go and get a love pad together


----------



## lovelygirl

WTF?????

Your husband is such a child and so is his friend!!!!

Your husband didn't have the common sense of asking you if you were okay with his friend living in your house and again this husband doesn't have the courage to make his friend leave or at least make him give financial support for all that you're doing for him.

Your H's friend is too immature to understand that YOU CAN'T WALK IN SOMEONE'S ROOM WITHOUT KNOCKING FIRST, *especially when it comes to a couple*!!!!

You're not a priority for this childish husband who doesn't understand who should be the most important person in his life. 

And what is this idea of making him have your kids' room all by himself??
Let him sleep in the sofa!

wtf. I'm so pissed. He is not respecting your needs! - which actually are perfectly normal. 
You didn't get to have a say in this. 

How old is your husband?


----------



## WifeONedge

Thanks for all of the advice guys, my hubby is 27, and I am 23....im just so frustrated because it seemed that he sometimes takes his friends side over mine, and when we get into an argument his "bud" happily brings himself into, making it even worse!! our son had special needs and is havinf surgery soon and I had the conversation that the friend needs to get out so our son can have his own bed room back, my husbands respone was "no just use our bedroom and I will sleep on the couch" I was thinking you have got to be kidding me right? I really cant take this anymore and my husband says imoverreacting


----------



## curlysue321

I think he was hinting that he wanted a threesome lol.


----------



## lovelygirl

WifeONedge said:


> Thanks for all of the advice guys, my hubby is 27, and I am 23....im just so frustrated because it seemed that he sometimes takes his friends side over mine, and when we get into an argument his "bud" happily brings himself into, making it even worse!! our son had special needs and is havinf surgery soon and I had the conversation that the friend needs to get out so our son can have his own bed room back, my husbands respone was "no just use our bedroom and I will sleep on the couch" I was thinking you have got to be kidding me right? I really cant take this anymore and my husband says imoverreacting


Your husband is behaving like a 17 year old boy.

I can't believe it! Some people need to grow up asap, especially when they now have a kid and a wife to take care of!!


----------



## Prodigal

WifeONedge said:


> ... I had the conversation that the friend needs to get out so our son can have his own bed room back, my husbands respone was "no just use our bedroom and I will sleep on the couch" I was thinking you have got to be kidding me right? I really cant take this anymore and my husband says imoverreacting


Okay, I'm going to be blunt. Why? Because you have your plate full with a special needs child and an immature husband. Also, I remember being 23 back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth ... I would have been complaining, getting nowhere, and not knowing I had to put on my big girl panties and lay down the law.

So here it is: You talk to the buddy. You have husband present. You remain calm. Do NOT start crying, raising your voice, or showing any emotion. You are NOT running a homeless shelter. This clown works. He pays. He doesn't like that arrangement, you give him 48 hours' notice to remove his belongings and body from your premises.

If hubs starts putting up a fuss, you stand firm. Tell him if he wants his buddy leeching off of him fine; you aren't going to put up with it. I'm assuming you are in an apartment. Check your lease. As a rule, leases limit house guests to a specific period of time. After that, they either pay rent or get on the lease.

I understand you don't have a lot of confidence, given your husband is acting like a kid and not supporting you. But, in this case, YOU ARE RIGHT AND YOUR HUSBAND IS WRONG. Period.

Let us know how it plays out. Now go hike your big girl panties up around your waist, take a deep breath, and get this leech out of your home.

P.S. - Walking in on your during sex "accidentally" .... I call total b.s. on that. And your husband should kick this azz clown to the curb after that infraction!


----------



## Wiserforit

WifeONedge said:


> I really cant take this anymore and my husband says imoverreacting


Blame the victim. He's manipulating you. 

So there is no discussion. You have to act. If you can't stand up for yourself now, you have decades ahead with him pooping all over you.


----------



## Hicks

Tell your hus band you are going to stay with your mother until he chooses to become a man.


----------



## StargateFan

Your husband should be in some serious trouble for not consulting you. Not acceptable. 

He does not get your sons room! He gets the floor or couch. Or a tent in the back yard. 

Start wearing booty shorts around the house and thin tight tops, no bra. 

Set some boundaries right now with your husband. You cannot have him act like this. This is toxic.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

It seems pretty simple to me. Tell your hubby, "There'll be NO MORE SEX until your buddy moves out! I'm not a porn star and this ain't a peep show. I cannot feel comfortable having sex with you while Frankie walks in to get his freak on!" If hubby suggests getting a lock on the door, tell him, "No! I just don't feel right. I expect Freaky Frankie to drill a hole through the wall, or peep through the keyhole, or stand with his ear pressed up against the wall. Sorry, I just CAN'T have sex while HE'S around."

Then WALK AWAY. Get dressed in the bathroom with the DOOR LOCKED. When hubby tries to get friendly, give him the cold shoulder because you're too 'embarrassed' in front of COMPANY. Really lay it on thick. He'll either get TIRED of no sex or he'll choose buddy over you....in which case it's time to high-tail it away from their Bromance anyway!


----------



## diwali123

Are you close with his mom? Would you feel comfortable talking to her about talking to him? 
This situation is so wrong for so many reasons.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sharkeey

The friend isn't the problem, he's just a symptom of a much greater problem.

Your husband doesn't give a rat's ass about your wants and needs.

It's not going to get better.


----------



## RClawson

Your husband presently has "dolt" status. It is absolutely ultimatum time. If you have any extended family close by ask if you can burden them a bit and see if your husband will wake up. Something tells me he won't.

The other option would be putting his friends stuff out on the lawn next time he leaves the house. He absolutely has no right to be in your home.

Talking it out is not going to change anything here evidently.


----------



## BarelyThere

It really sucks that you might have to be the one leaving, but you absolutely do need to do something, and something big, right now. By letting him walk over you like this now, you are laying the groundwork for a lifetime of being disrespected and taken advantage of.

He NEVER should have let that guy in without asking. We had a house guest last year. It was a friend of mine and I hated it. Ended up kicking him out. You don't need your husband's permission to kick that leech out. It's your home too. More importantly, it's your home with YOUR BABY. Completely unacceptable. Call the police and ask them to escort the guy out.


----------



## Cdelta02

The guy wouldn't have waked in twice unless it was prearranged with the husband. Did your husband act shocked? Was he really? What did he say the second time?


----------



## EleGirl

Cdelta02 said:


> The guy wouldn't have waked in twice unless it was prearranged with the husband. Did your husband act shocked? Was he really? What did he say the second time?


I was thinking something similar.. that her husband had set this up. Maybe to gauge the OP's reaction of having a 3 way.

One time can be just stupid guy not thinking. Two times, the second right after the first... the friend knew that your husband was not going to be upset about him walking in and getting a peep show.

This alone is reason to leave. Her husband has put her on display sexually for his friend.. and why would he do that?


----------



## pink_lady

EleGirl said:


> I was thinking something similar.. that he husband had set this up. Maybe to gauge the OP's reaction of having a 3 way.
> 
> One time can be just stupid guy not thinking. Two times, the second right after the first... the friend knew that you husband was not going to be upset about him walking in and getting a peep show.
> 
> This alone is reason to leave. Her husband has put her on display sexually for his friend.. and why would he do that?


:iagree:


----------



## lovelygirl

Put sex on hold until this retard leaves!
How many times a week do yo get intimate and is it very important to your husband?
If it is then you'll have good results by not having sex with him at all. You'll see...he'll have to kick that guy out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## StargateFan

EleGirl said:


> I was thinking something similar.. that he husband had set this up. Maybe to gauge the OP's reaction of having a 3 way.
> 
> One time can be just stupid guy not thinking. Two times, the second right after the first... the friend knew that you husband was not going to be upset about him walking in and getting a peep show.
> 
> This alone is reason to leave. Her husband has put her on display sexually for his friend.. and why would he do that?


Yep, scratch what I said about wearing the booty shorts. 

He has one week to be out or you are taking your son to a Residence Inn with your husbands credit card. 

Better yet make an appointment with a lawyer and invite your husband.


----------



## sinnister

Free food? Check
Free rent? Check
Free utilities? Check
Free amatuer live pron? Check

He is going nowhere unless your hubby makes him.


----------



## Caribbean Man

sharkeey said:


> The friend isn't the problem, he's just a symptom of a much greater problem.
> 
> Your husband doesn't give a rat's ass about your wants and needs.
> 
> *It's not going to get better.*


:iagree:

"..._Ok so my husbands invited his best friend to live with us about 3 months ago with out "asking" me first_......."
^^^^^^
This is just a symptom, he , neither his friend respects you.

The only thing that would work is giving him an ultimatum.


----------



## See_Listen_Love

sharkeey said:


> The friend isn't the problem, he's just a symptom of a much greater problem.
> 
> Your husband doesn't give a rat's ass about your wants and needs.
> 
> It's not going to get better.


:iagree:

Unless you do something about it you will end up in misery and divorce later on in your life.

You have to man up untill he mans up...Do it!


----------



## galian84

Oh dear, I'd be REALLY p.o'ed in your situation!! I don't even like friends/family staying over for more than a few nights, when invited to do so. I think I'd be even less tolerant of this when I'm married / living with someone, and especially with a child in the house. 

Draw your boundaries NOW, or he will keep doing this over and over.

What's even more concerning, is that your H never even discussed this with you. That is completely unacceptable. I agree that walking in on you guys twice "accidentally", is no accident.

Since you have tried to talk to him, numerous times, about this and he doesn't seem to get the hint. At this point, the only thing left for you to do is give him an ultimatum--his friend, or you. If he chooses his friend, then you know where you stand, and you're ultimately better off without him. What he did shows a total lack of respect for your (his wife's) wishes and that should never be tolerated in a marriage / long term relationship.


----------



## Starstarfish

First - I agree with others, there would be no more sex going on until the friend left, and even then I might have second thoughts about whether or not that was a setup. I might even get a touch of paranoia and begin to wonder if there aren't cameras set up. 



> This guy has no where else to go.


False - he has no where else he might -want- to go. But there are places he could go. Call a men's shelter, call a church. A halfway house. But - why should he want to go there - when he can live with you rent free, eat all your food, and now as a bonus - get free peep shows, like others have said. He has himself in the perfect set up - and your husband sees no issue with him busting his ass working for this guy to leech off him. 

What required him to move in to begin with? He lost his job - why hasn't he looked for another? Why didn't he have any savings? What exactly is he doing all day if he isn't job hunting - because it sounds like sit around eat all the food and trying to find opportunities to see you nude.


----------



## IsGirl3

I agree with everyone above. It is a violation of your trust, respect, and marriage vows for him to have invited his friend to live with you without speaking with you first. How dare he? And he says that you're overreacting? Your husband has incredible nerve. It's disgusting what he did to you. Not only do you tell your husband that it's his friend or you, but even if the leech leaves, you have to decide if you want to stay married to such a thoughtless, blameshifting, manipulative, child. 

You're probably nice to this guy because you're a nice person and you don't want an uncomfortable situation and he's your husband's friend and that you should be nice to people, but they have both crossed the line. Give the guy 3 days to get his a** out of your house and out of your life. How dare both of them. I'm livid over this.


----------



## dallasapple

> .this guy has no where else to go until he saves up enuff money to leave,


In 3 months of rent free/no food bill he still doesn't have enough money to leave?If he has a job he could well have afforded by now even to rent one of those extended stay hotel rooms.The ones with a kitchenette.

My son and DIL have a similar situation except its more my DIL who made the decision to let a mutual friend of theirs move in.They live in a 2 bedroom apartment maybe 1000 square ft.They have one 4 yo (my grandson) and she is pregnant with #2 ..they just got married in Dec..So "newlyweds" one preschooler and pregnancy.He was supposed to like your friend stay long enough to "save" money to get his own place ..pay a modest rent contribute some with groceries ..sleep on the couch.Like your situation he only paid rent one month..starting eating all their food(he occassionally orders a pizza and thats his contribution for food) and has taken over my grandsons bedroom..and even though he clears about $1800/$2000 a month hasn't saved a dime in 4 months.He also has no car..and has taken advantage of my sons big heart and awakened him at 4 am for a ride to work.

I don't get these people..I would love it if EVER my husband and I in 25 years got 3 or 4 months to "save" by cutting out our mortgage and grocery bill(not to mention water gas air conditioning) because someone else was kind enough to shelter us and feed us.And I certainly would make sure I wasn't an utter nuiscence.

As the saying goes.."no good deed goes unpunished" unfortunately I think is what you are experiencing.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

Wow, michzz, that's ELEVEN days LONGER than I'd give him!


----------

