# Young mother considering divorce from husband



## dreamflower (Feb 27, 2015)

Hello, I just need to get this off my chest and get some advice, please.. So, I am unhappy. We've been married for almost 8 years and it hasn't always been that great, but we worked together. Perhaps I made a mistake, I don't know, by marrying this guy to begin with. I was in a long relationship prior to him, but the guy had some commitment issues, so as painful as it was, I ended it and quickly jumped to the new man, on a rebound. I still often think of the ex-boyfriend today as we had some wonderful times, but I know he's moved on and is probably happy with his marriage; my husband however can't match the romance I had in that other relationship. So, we just kind of try to stay busy and it is more like a business relationship, but the household operates and bills get paid.. We had some good times too, some good romance in the earlier years, but in the past year something really changed and made me wonder if I want this anymore. He got a new job, a huge promotion. He's pulling in great money, but it has taken a toll on him. He works 12 hour days and the work setting is not very good, really high stress. He comes home, highly exhausted. We also have a young preschooler who has been extremely difficult to raise. She is overly emotional, everything is a "no", and to add to this, she does not sleep well at all. Some nights she won't sleep till 5 am, which leaves us just with an hour or so to sleep. We've talked to doctors and we were told nothing is wrong, we just got a challenging child, I guess. I have lost all patience with her. We have gotten a nanny to help part-time, the rest of the time I spend with her. I work part-time and I am also returning to school. We'd love to have more help, but I have no family even close, and his family and I do not get along, long history. Usually he just comes home, plays with the child for a little bit, then goes on to do his work stuff and then goes to bed. I hardly ever hear an "I love you". He never sits down with me anymore just to spend time. The only thing we do together is watch an occasional TV program, maybe once a week at most. Sex is maybe a biweekly event, and it doesn't even do it for both of us. I am really missing the love portion and I have considered leaving him.. I try to tell him, all the time, look, this is not what I want, I want the good old times when you cared. Maybe we just grew apart, I don't know. His response is, well, I am busy with work and other stuff. And no doubt, he is, but it's killing the marriage. I have asked him even to look for a different job, to have less hours but more time for his wife. He doesn't want to do it. He doesn't want to make any changes. We used to have less money and we did just fine, in fact, we were much stronger and closer together. It's all about him, when he is ready to talk, we talk. If he's too tired (which is 90% of the time), leave him alone. How dare I ask for any attention - then I am nagging him. So I am in my thirties, still young and good looking, and I am forced to go to bed every night, alone. I keep telling myself to suck it up, to be stronger. I don't know, maybe I have reached my point.. Sorry for rambling. I am afraid of going through all the divorce stuff with child custody and all, but I just want to be loved. Maybe it's naive, I don't even know. I am not a robot to live like this. If we try to talk, he doesn't take it seriously. And one more thing, lately he got more abusive in terms of his words. Actually he once cursed me out, and called me the most painful of words (that never happened before). Very short fused. I thought he'd even hit me. At that point I was confident I am going to move to the state where my parents are, and we'll be done (although not much help from my parents either, they are rather messed up themselves). I would have to be completely on my own, and with my child, who is not a piece of cake. That definitely scares me, the unknown, as well as the financial situation, and the fact that maybe this is it, and there is nobody out there who would love me.


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