# Acceptable levels of flirting



## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Just wanted to ask because it seems as though flirting is something that troubles some. I’ll explain: I’m at a local restaurant with a friend and sitting by us is a couple in what looks to be in their 50s.

Halfway through our dinner, my friend makes a comment about the wife making eye contact with him constantly. I make nothing of it but at one point I hear her husband ask her “What are you looking at?!” in an agitated tone, to which she replies “Nothing! Just looking at their food!” I knew she was looking at my friend and we just chuckled. I mean, my friend is a gym bug with tattoos and that’s probably what she really likes but, IMHO, she was way out of line. My friend said they locked eyes at least 15-20 times, and that it was always him who neither started nor stopped the “eye f-cking”. In front of her husband too.

This got me thinking, why on God’s Good Earth would make a married woman do this in front of her husband?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

The games people play. 
Every night and every day.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> This got me thinking, why on God’s Good Earth would make a married woman do this in front of her husband?


I would say she’s probably like many of the waywards we hear about and is getting some ego kibbles by your friend looking back at her. If he didn’t, she would have stopped.

Probably if your friend went to the restroom in the back, she would have gone too for a chance at close contact.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

She’s disrespecting her husband and has probably cheated before.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Yep I've had this happen as well. Felt very uncomfortable as my wife was with me as well. The OM did notice and the couple left before they'd truly finished their dinner. Brought this up to my wife. Hey she had guys ogle her as well and even make passes. I've had at least one waitress, while my wife excused herself, press a napkins in my hand with phone numbers, I showed my wife, or start taking our orders and ignore my wife. Some can be pretty blatant.
Hey if someone looks longingly at my wife or makes an innocent pass at her. I'm good. At least I'm not with a "dog"! Good ego boost for both of us I can take advantage of later! To openly be aggressive in looks, verbage or touching, Um, no. Best way to get a trip to the urgent care clinic with me! Ex military with a bad anger management issue!


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

TinyTbone said:


> Yep I've had this happen as well. Felt very uncomfortable as my wife was with me as well. The OM did notice and the couple left before they'd truly finished their dinner. Brought this up to my wife. Hey she had guys ogle her as well and even make passes. I've had at least one waitress, while my wife excused herself, press a napkins in my hand with phone numbers, I showed my wife, or start taking our orders and ignore my wife. Some can be pretty blatant.
> Hey if someone looks longingly at my wife or makes an innocent pass at her. I'm good. At least I'm not with a "dog"! Good ego boost for both of us I can take advantage of later! To openly be aggressive in looks, verbage or touching, Um, no. Best way to get a trip to the urgent care clinic with me! Ex military with a bad anger management issue!


I have NEVER understood the boldness of some people. Literally. Are you THAT desperate you need to slip your digits to a married individual? Like dang.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I have NEVER understood the boldness of some people. Literally. Are you THAT desperate you need to slip your digits to a married individual? Like dang.


I don't know either? I'm not some hunky looking guy, even at the age it happened. She knew I was with another woman as well! Oh well wife and I got a laugh at it though.


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## KayJC (5 mo ago)

BoSlander said:


> Just wanted to ask because it seems as though flirting is something that troubles some. I’ll explain: I’m at a local restaurant with a friend and sitting by us is a couple in what looks to be in their 50s.
> 
> Halfway through our dinner, my friend makes a comment about the wife making eye contact with him constantly. I make nothing of it but at one point I hear her husband ask her “What are you looking at?!” in an agitated tone, to which she replies “Nothing! Just looking at their food!” I knew she was looking at my friend and we just chuckled. I mean, my friend is a gym bug with tattoos and that’s probably what she really likes but, IMHO, she was way out of line. My friend said they locked eyes at least 15-20 times, and that it was always him who neither started nor stopped the “eye f-cking”. In front of her husband too.
> 
> This got me thinking, why on God’s Good Earth would make a married woman do this in front of her husband?


Why? Basically she's on the make, is totally/completely/without question disrespectful of her husband, probably not the first time. Sadly that scenario works both ways. I've been in situations where some male dinner partner of my husband and myself was constantly doing same to me. And I could slowly feel my husband's temper beginning to rise even though I did zilch to get such from the jerk across the table.
I remember a business couple of ours with the wife telling the tale of she and husband taking out a client and his wife out to dinner one night. During the meal all of a sudden she felt a hand on her thigh trying slowly to push her dress up......she told me she looked at his wife across the table who had her head bowed and it was very very obvious his wife knew what he was up to, evidently this wasn't the first time jerk husband of hers had done this and I would imagine his wife was praying that a uproar wasn't about to take place right there at the dinner table when my friend's husband was either told or else my friend started raising Cain about that. My friend said she looked at the guy with probably a drop dead look, pushed his hand away, got up from table with excuse she was going to lady's room. 
My friend after that meal told her husband what the client attempted to do and after her husband went ballistic he then went to his sales manager and told him he would never again call on that customer for any circumstances at all. 
Sad to relate that but I'm not doubting it happened. 
From what you posted above that guy has serious troubles coming his way with what appears to be a very uncommitted marriage.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Several years ago not after I was divorced from my first wife, my friend and I was at a club.
While at the bar 2 young women approached and began chatting us up.
My friend and I thought it was going to be our lucky night.
Then a few minutes later 2 men appeared and asked us; what are you doing flirting with our wives?
We told the guys we had no idea those women were married, it almost broke out into fight. The women walked away and my friend and I walked away to another part of the bar.
It appeared to us that those women were trying to make their husbands feel jealous making us the fall guys.
I live in Thailand and there was a case where an American guy meet a woman on a dating site believing she was single.
They went back to the American`s hotel room. While doing the deed suddenly the door burst open, it was the woman`s husband with 3 of his mates. They beat the crap out the guy, almost killed him.
Beware guys, these women are tretuious and can get you killed..


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Flirting between "single" people, both of them?
Whatever they both find acceptable.

Flirting and mutual seduction with our partners and only?
IMO the more the better, the best thing to do.

Flirting when at least one of the flirters is in some kind of relationship of the ones supposed to be exclusive?
None at all is or should be acceptable.

Of course all the above from my personal view and for my own life.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

My friend @ConanHub has told about being hit on by a woman while he was sitting beside his wife. 
That takes a certain amount of chutzpah. 
I once sympathised with a woman when her mother had died.When I hugged hershe whispered her hotel room number to me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> My friend @ConanHub has told about being hit on by a woman while he was sitting beside his wife.
> That takes a certain amount of chutzpah.
> I once sympathised with a woman when her mother had died.When I hugged hershe whispered her hotel room number to me.


That takes being "comforted" to a different level.

Were you married at the time?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> The games people play.
> Every night and every day.


As witnessed by the pub owner.

Glances turn into grins, turn into glasses-high, those concurrent whiskey wiffs, with both looking for tonight's, off site, tongue mashing.

Aye, “Sláinte !”


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I just bought lottery tickets a few hours ago at the local _Mom and Pop_ convenience store.
I go there, often.

The lady wished me good luck, then said," If you win, go on a wonderful vacation. Make sure you take me with you. I mean it"
"Seriously".

She touched my hand.

She was not smiling, when she said it.

Her husband was in the back of the store, stocking shelves.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> That takes being "comforted" to a different level.
> 
> Were you married at the time?


Yes.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> I just bought lottery tickets a few hours ago at the local _Mom and Pop_ convenience store.
> I go there, often.
> 
> The lady wished me good luck, then said," If you win, go on a wonderful vacation. Make sure you take me with you. I mean it"
> ...


She says that to all the Lottery guys ...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

BoSlander said:


> Just wanted to ask because it seems as though flirting is something that troubles some. I’ll explain: I’m at a local restaurant with a friend and sitting by us is a couple in what looks to be in their 50s.
> 
> Halfway through our dinner, my friend makes a comment about the wife making eye contact with him constantly. I make nothing of it but at one point I hear her husband ask her “What are you looking at?!” in an agitated tone, to which she replies “Nothing! Just looking at their food!” I knew she was looking at my friend and we just chuckled. I mean, my friend is a gym bug with tattoos and that’s probably what she really likes but, IMHO, she was way out of line. My friend said they locked eyes at least 15-20 times, and that it was always him who neither started nor stopped the “eye f-cking”. In front of her husband too.
> 
> This got me thinking, why on God’s Good Earth would make a married woman do this in front of her husband?


Why didnt your friend just avoid looking in her direction?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Why didnt your friend just avoid looking in her direction?


Because he liked it and had about as good of morals as the wife looking at him.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What are being described are examples of unacceptable levels of flirting.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Why didnt your friend just avoid looking in her direction?


I don't know. I did make a comment to him that her husband was getting pissed.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> I don't know. I did make a comment to him that her husband was getting pissed.


Is your friend married?


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Is your friend married?


No.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> What are being described are examples of unacceptable levels of flirting.


Are there acceptable ones?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

BoSlander said:


> I make nothing of it but at one point I hear her husband ask her “What are you looking at?!” in an agitated tone, to which she replies “Nothing! Just looking at their food!” I knew she was looking at my friend and we just chuckled. I mean, my friend is a gym bug with tattoos and that’s probably what she really likes but, IMHO, she was way out of line


was it flirting or was it staring? Two different things.

Maybe he was really tripping her trippers and making her Jay-Jay tingle.

But sometimes people stare due to novelty and something is drawing their even when it’s not sexual attraction. People get tatted up and get full sleeves so they stand out and get noticed. That doesn’t mean that everyone that looks at them wants to get in bed with them. He may have simply been the most unique person the place and that was drawing her eye to him.

I guarantee you, If you were sitting there in a night pink Easter Bunny costume, every woman would have been staring at you instead LOL


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Yes.


Did she know you were married?


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

BoSlander said:


> This got me thinking, why on God’s Good Earth would make a married woman do this in front of her husband?


The conversation the two had may make it sound like they are attached, but are you sure he wasn't her pimp? 🙁

For my part, there is no acceptable level of flirting with me or my wife. I do not flirt even when single and definitely not while married.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

I'm not even sure if I know how to flirt at my advanced age


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Did she know you were married?


Yes. She was a friend of my wife’s.


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## Marca1984 (11 mo ago)

BoSlander said:


> Just wanted to ask because it seems as though flirting is something that troubles some. I’ll explain: I’m at a local restaurant with a friend and sitting by us is a couple in what looks to be in their 50s.
> 
> Halfway through our dinner, my friend makes a comment about the wife making eye contact with him constantly. I make nothing of it but at one point I hear her husband ask her “What are you looking at?!” in an agitated tone, to which she replies “Nothing! Just looking at their food!” I knew she was looking at my friend and we just chuckled. I mean, my friend is a gym bug with tattoos and that’s probably what she really likes but, IMHO, she was way out of line. My friend said they locked eyes at least 15-20 times, and that it was always him who neither started nor stopped the “eye f-cking”. In front of her husband too.
> 
> This got me thinking, why on God’s Good Earth would make a married woman do this in front of her husband?


how old are you, and your friend?
She is in her 50s as u mentioned, it might be a simple eye contact to a younger guy, fit, with tattoos... She got carried away with looking, enjoying what she saw, fantasizing about the guy, since her husband is old enough to begin to faulter...


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Jimi007 said:


> I'm not even sure if I know how to flirt at my advanced age


Oh I gotta agree with that now!


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Ok, so as to the staring thing. There have been times when out I've noticed a couple together and they were tatted up and specifically a time where the woman had an amazing piece of artistry on her arm and neck. After a couple looks their way, I got up approached them, introduced myself to them and out of respect and Courtesy inquired if it would be to observe the particular tatts closely for a moment. They happily agreed and I thanked them for the closer inspection, complementing both on their art and wishes them a good evening. 
This I felt appropriate to do so as ensure I crossed no boundaries for them and caused any discomfort to either.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When I was young and single I spent a lot of time in hotels and I had a sure fire flirting technique. 
I would buy a bottle of champagne and get two glasses. Then I would sit at a table until a suitable candidate caught my eye. After some eye contact I would raise the empty glass and gesture towards the bottle of champagne.
And they always came over. Every single time. 
The eyes are the window of the soul.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Jimi007 said:


> I'm not even sure if I know how to flirt at my advanced age


I never did learn how.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> What are being described are examples of unacceptable levels of flirting.


I'm thinking flirty type behavior is different than making a pass or hitting on someone. Flirting could lead to it but it isn't the same as expressing intent.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Yes. She was a friend of my wife’s.


That's very interesting behavior. Kind of cut throat.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> When I was young and single I spent a lot of time in hotels and I had a sure fire flirting technique.
> I would buy a bottle of champagne and get two glasses. Then I would sit at a table until a suitable candidate caught my eye. After some eye contact I would raise the empty glass and gesture towards the bottle of champagne.
> And they always came over. Every single time.
> The eyes are the window of the soul.


Sounds more on the level of a good pick up technique.😉


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Sounds more on the level of a good pick up technique.😉


In my twenties I was a master of the pick-up.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> In my twenties I was a master of the pick-up.


When I was single, I was a master at getting picked up.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> That's very interesting behavior. Kind of cut throat.


When I started reading on tam I was having problems in my relationship. My then fiancée (Now wife) was been told by some of her friends that I was cheating on her. It’s important to remember that she had a kid already so we didn’t get to spend every night together.
I wasn’t cheating.
But the same friends were trying to hookup with me.
She couldn’t understand this even when I showed her text messages on my phone. Then very late one night when she called over to my house she got a call from her “best friend” to tell her I’d just left a bar in Boston with another woman.
She finally accepted that her so called friends were toxic.
But it was too late and I dumped her.
But that didn’t last…..


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> When I was single, I was a master at getting picked up.


I’ve told you before that when you were young you looked like a roadie for Bon Jovi. 
Of course you got picked up!


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

ConanHub said:


> When I was single, I was a master at getting picked up.


My situation as well, with women teaming up in some instances to lasso me. Just Mr. Average, but in two cases they may have been in competition for a virgin experience.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Marca1984 said:


> how old are you, and your friend?
> She is in her 50s as u mentioned, it might be a simple eye contact to a younger guy, fit, with tattoos... She got carried away with looking, enjoying what she saw, fantasizing about the guy, since her husband is old enough to begin to faulter...


I'm in my 50s and he's in his 40s.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ElOtro said:


> Are there acceptable ones?


Yes. If done in front of the spouse and it's clearly a joke.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Yes. If done in front of the spouse and it's clearly a joke.


I understand your view of it, almost a social accepted mainstream one.
Nothing I woud personaly do or accept anyhow,
Not at all because of "higher" rules of mine.
But because I don´t put too much weight in the individuality of "intentions" as meaning makers.


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