# In short, police were called on me by my wife.



## Vader07d (Jul 9, 2020)

It all started Wednesday morning on my way to my first job site, about two hours away from my hotel. The night before, my wife and I were planning to talk during that time, while she was on break. I called her after I received a text telling me that she available.

The conversation started going ok, but I could hear in her voice that something was bothering her so I asked her what was wrong, but as always, she told me that everything was fine, which is a constant lie from her, but I always brush it off as her trying to psych herself up by saying that. After a few minutes of her talking about how my mother and her future sister-in-law (they aren’t related to each other) are both causing her immense stress, she then drops a bomb on me.

She says that she found an app on my phone through my Google account and told me that I was watching porn while I was in the hotel room after I got off the phone with her the night previous. (for some backstory, I previously struggled with porn when we first met until just a few months ago) I immediately tell her the truth about how I was doing a few puzzles and an idle clicker game to help me relax since I have a hard time sleeping when I’m not home. She begins to raise her voice at me and tell me that I am lying and that I should get my story straight.

I, stupidly, raised my voice back at her, but since I am out in the boonies, the call dropped and I didn’t get reception for another 10 minutes. I called her back and she said that she talked to a computer guy and he told her that the app could only be installed with my permission, so I calmly asked her that when she finds out the truth, if she could just apologize to me for accusing me of doing this and not believing me. She out told me no. Me, hearing this, felt like my world was falling apart and that I was being abused for everything I do… I know this was the wrong decision, but I then hung up on her.

She then flooded my phone with texts, which, since I was driving, couldn’t read them for another good hour or so. Unfortunately, as soon as I arrived at the site, I was bombarded by a coworker and didn’t get a chance to look until after that job was designed. I then sat down, about noon and looked through the texts. They were copies of the same screenshot over and over of this one app that was “viewed” in the Google play store, that I have no recollection of ever seeing, it was timestamped for Tuesday, 6:35pm, which was actually before her and I were speaking for the evening to tell each other goodnight.

That day, I was working on a job until about 4pm, then got to my hotel and I remember doing some puzzles on my phone before grabbing dinner and calling her. Anyway, back to Wednesday. Because of the mass texts of these screenshots, I put in a text that she “should probably sleep in the spare room or somewhere else tonight”. She replied to me with a thumbs up emogi, so I took it as she agreed with me. We went the entire rest of the day without any words to one another.

I got home Wednesday evening and waited for her to get home from work, while I worked on some designs on my computer. She got home and ignored me and went straight upstairs to bed (about 8pm).I was hoping to get a conversation from her… about a half hour later, I finished up my work for the evening and went upstairs to get ready for bed. She was not in the spare room, but in our room, so I thought she finally thought about the whole situation and regrets her actions against me, so I got in bed with her.

Over the next couple of hours, she was scooting her pregnant pillow closer and closer to me, enough so, that my arm no longer had any room on the bed and was falling off the side, so I nudged her and asked her to please scoot. She grunted and elbowed my side. I did this a dozen more times until she raised her voice and told me that she was calling the police. She then flipped toward me and put her stomach on my elbow and told me to stop hurting the baby or she was calling the cops.

I said once more to please scoot, I did not move my elbow this time. She sat straight up and called her brother and she told him I was hurting the baby, who told her to call the cops. I called her mom, in response and asked if she had any advice on how to deal with her daughter. All she said was “is she in HER bed?” I asked her what difference does that make? She is in OUR bed and I just need some advice. She repeated herself over and over until I hung up.

Upon doing so, I heard my wife talking to someone on the phone and telling them our address, so I called my dad and asked him what I should do, and that I think she called the cops on me. He told me just stay the night with him and my mom, so went to leave. Luckily, my overnight bag was still packed, because I was beat from the drive home, so I went to leave with my stuff and she rounded the corner full force, running into me while I was reaching for the garage door knob and she slammed the door on me on my way out, then I left for my parents house.

Later that night there was a police officer at my parents house, so I was correct in assuming that she did call the police. The officer got my statement and said that she has to document this and send it to the prosecutor, since my wife called this as domestic abuse.

So what should I do? I still love her and she is carrying my child, but I don’t know if I can trust her, now that she called the police and possibly lied to them about what actually happened…


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Assuming everything you said here is true, you really need to start protecting yourself. Are you allowed to go home, or did she get a protection order against you?

If you do go home, or have ANY interactions at all with her, you need to keep a VAR (voice activated recorder) on you at all times. She WILL do this again, no doubt about that. 

Contact a lawyer.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

When you get in front of the judge tell them she is mentally unstable and ask that a psych review be done on her.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

You are currently in the he said she said situation. There is no evidence of anything actionable. You need to protect yourself. You do this by never being alone. Always have a witness to where you are. Tracking software should be ok in the car and work. Do not talk to her without a legal recording being made. Legal requirements vary by state. Preferably only talk to her in the presence of your lawyer.
Most adversarial partners only want your money. This one wants to get you raped and beaten. Do not confuse her with someone who cares about you. 
Find out about the other man.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

honestly, i know you love her, but if she is going to pull this b.s. (and it probably wont be the last time), i suggest you leave her.

nobody should put up with this horse manure. as far as the porno, look into how you can prove your innocence, just for your own sanity.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Get out now. She sounds very unstable. Find a lawyer and find out your rights as soon as possible.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

ask for divorce. never be alone together. There is no going back from this, you will always be worried, and she will keep you on short leashes by just a threat of calling cops again.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

jorgegene said:


> honestly, i know you love her, but if she is going to pull this b.s. (and it probably wont be the last time), i suggest you leave her.
> 
> nobody should put up with this horse manure. as far as the porno, look into how you can prove your innocence, just for your own sanity.


I will go further than some... IF what you said was true, all of it then I say this...

This is not the first time something like this has happened, is it? Not calling the cops but her being unreasonable. 

I know hormones can really effect women while pregnant, but she has be like this or similar before.

Is that correct?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Talk to a lawyer asap. You need to protect yourself. Truth is not enough. With your lawyer's approval, record every interaction you have with her either in person or on the phone. Follow your lawyer's advice on whether to be at home or stay elsewhere, whether or not to talk to her, etc.

The court assumes you are a wife beater. The court will not want to be in the news for being lenient on you and then you later kill her. What I mean is, the court is predisposed to protect itself from bad publicity, so they are not going to presume you innocent.

The most benign thing you do could be twisted to make you look evil. This is why you need to talk to a lawyer asap.

Once the legal stuff is ironed out, then you can start thinking about the relationship stuff.


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## Vader07d (Jul 9, 2020)

Yes, but the past altercations were from my own stupidity because I had been caught with porn. I thought that since I was innocent this time, I could stand up for myself and wait for the truth to arise so she could see that I was, in fact, telling the truth. I thought wrong...


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Vader07d said:


> Yes, but the past altercations were from my own stupidity because I had been caught with porn. I thought that since I was innocent this time, I could stand up for myself and wait for the truth to arise so she could see that I was, in fact, telling the truth. I thought wrong...


Getting physical because of the porn is justified?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Someone is helping her generate evidence. Someone is coaching her. It isn't her mother.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Vader07d said:


> Yes, but the past altercations were from my own stupidity because I had been caught with porn. I thought that since I was innocent this time, I could stand up for myself and wait for the truth to arise so she could see that I was, in fact, telling the truth. I thought wrong...


Nope. Those past "altercations" are completely unacceptable unless she actually had to defend herself from you. She could walk in on you banging her sister and she still has no right to hit you, make false allegations, etc.


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## Vader07d (Jul 9, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> Getting physical because of the porn is justified?


I never said I got physical over those, I said she got in a fight with me (meant to say verbally)


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Vader07d said:


> I never said I got physical over those, I said she got in a fight with me (meant to say verbally)


are these the only time you got into verbal fights? only about porn, or is this is part of the pattern?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Who cares. It sounds like you lie a lot and she has a temper. The truth is you guys will always fight if you Stay together and you will create a toxic environment for the baby.
Divorce and learn how to co parent without all the drama.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Give her some space. If you can, go live somewhere else. Maybe are her hormones, or just the way she is, immature, selfish, ...
If I call the police on my husband, that’s the end for me. I would not want him near me again.


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## Vader07d (Jul 9, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> are these the only time you got into verbal fights? only about porn, or is this is part of the pattern?


We never got into verbal fights about the big stuff, like money, family, etc. Just when she would find remnants of my past porn issue. Two months ago, me and my dad scoured my computer for anything that might set her off and deleted it. That worked until a few days ago when she went off the wheel over something that I would guess is an ad on one of the 2 games I was playing in my downtime for work. She found it buried in my google account history. I had a hard time finding it, myself, when I went all Sherlock Holmes trying to find out where and what this "love academy" even was. I eventually found it and screen-capped a pic of there being no activity on any device.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Vader07d said:


> my dad scoured my computer for anything that might set her off


Your dad was cleaning up your porn stash...?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

It's he said/she said. I wouldn't be nudging a mad wife who is pregnant. Being she is pregnant, I think you ought to have given her the bed and just slept elsewhere. Unless she had it on film or had bruises she took photos of, it is just he said/she said. But you two need to de-escalate and not do anything physical whatsoever. I mean, you know now she's not going to take it. If you need to get into counseling, do it.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's he said/she said. I wouldn't be nudging a mad wife who is pregnant. Being she is pregnant, I think you ought to have given her the bed and just slept elsewhere. Unless she had it on film or had bruises she took photos of, it is just he said/she said. But you two need to de-escalate and not do anything physical whatsoever. I mean, you know now she's not going to take it. If you need to get into counseling, do it.


Being pregnant isn't an excuse for being a *****, nor does it place them in a bubble. Plus, they had already discussed _her_ sleeping in the spare bedroom. Instead of communicating like an adult she sent a 👍and the OP assumes that meant she agreed. 

Some of this is a communication error, but it's still no excuse for her behavior.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Maybe being pregnant, she wouldn't have been comfortable and had everything nearby she needed in the spare room or wasn't close enough to the restroom. 

This whole thing is still a question of who you believe.


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## Vader07d (Jul 9, 2020)

bobert said:


> Your dad was cleaning up your porn stash...?


My dad was with me helping me locate the files that like to hide in temp folders and anywhere else, like the virus it is.


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## Vader07d (Jul 9, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Maybe being pregnant, she wouldn't have been comfortable and had everything nearby she needed in the spare room or wasn't close enough to the restroom.
> 
> This whole thing is still a question of who you believe.


The spare room is right next to the bathroom, while the master bedroom is down the hall a bit more. The spare room is also where she stores her pregnancy pillow and where the extra blankets are. The only real difference is that it's a queen size bed instead of a king.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Why do you think she didn't go to the spare bedroom? Do you think maybe she didn't like being told to do so?


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## Vader07d (Jul 9, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Why do you think she didn't go to the spare bedroom? Do you think maybe she didn't like being told to do so?


I never outright told her go there, I suggested that she should sleep in the spare room or find somewhere else to stay that night. I got a thumbs up emoji as a response. So I thought she was going to do one of the 2 suggestions I made.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Vader07d said:


> My dad was with me helping me locate the files that like to hide in temp folders and anywhere else, like the virus it is.


I don’t understand this. Why hide the porn? Why not delete it? 

I would be upset if my husband told me he stopped watching porn and then I found it. It seems like you are hiding things and lying and that’s why she flips out when she finds something.


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## Vader07d (Jul 9, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I don’t understand this. Why hide the porn? Why not delete it?
> 
> I would be upset if my husband told me he stopped watching porn and then I found it. It seems like you are hiding things and lying and that’s why she flips out when she finds something.


I wasn't hiding anything, it was hidden from me in many many folders that I didn't know about. Many of which were from long ago and the timestamps proved that they hadn't been accessed. I deleted as much as I could find on my own, but my sleuthing skills are not nearly as good as my wife's, which is why I tried to have her look with me and find all the rest, because it kept popping up, long after I had been clean of it. 

Also, why would I need to lie about any of this? I don't know any of you and never will. I am trying to find a solution to this, not get an imaginary prize for having the worst day.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

Vader, if it wasn't about porn, it would be about something else. If you go home to her, you risk having the police called on you again. Even if the police clear you of wrongdoing, ANY police involvement looks bad in front of a judge if and when you divorce. You need a lawyer immediately and you should not go anywhere near your wife unless you are absolutely sure that she will not try to lie to the police about you ever again. What if they haul you off in handcuffs next time and she refuses to clear your name? Is she worth a permanent charge on your record as an abuser? Is she worth the social stigma and the hit to your career? Think through this and then think again. No one is worth your reputation and future.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Love can be a terrible reason to be married if that is the only reason. If what you are saying is the truth she is not capable of being a wife to you only a danger. This probably infects her whole life so your kids are going to need at least on stable parent.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Obiously you pissed her off about telling her to go to the spare room, she told her mom, and they all believed you were lying about the porn, so she pushed you when you were in the bed and would have done that until you were out.

As an aside, you and your wife agreed porn was forbidden, you had an argument over it, because porn is addiction and you probably lied about it in the past, over and over, and now she doesn't trust you about it - but I find it strange that you've got the whole family involved in your argument about porn watching and you telling her to sleep in the spare bedroom, and her not doing it.

I believe you need to set some boundaries - anyone who falsely accuses you to the police is somebody you should stay away from. That should be one of your guiding principles going forward. Get an attorney and get some advice. I'm pretty sure you'll be told to stay away. Please protect yourself. Are you still living with her? See if your attorney believes that is a good idea. Go stay with your parents or get a hotel or find somewhere else to live. If you need stuff from the house. let someone else go get it for you. Unless you look good in orange, then ...


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