# a letter from husband



## tygrelilly (Oct 22, 2010)

I couldnt load my facebook page for some reason so i will reply you here...

"Bee... i don't know if you know this.. lately i don't feel loved at all. YOu dont even show that you miss me.. i miss you alot.. i feel like i got all the attention when we were dating... you made time for me.. "

here we go again...when we were dating everything was dandy, but now...come on la...stop putting that guilt trip on me, we live with each other now, i still make time for you, i am home when you come back, but you are now too busy with your work which you bring home, so i dont want to disturb you...you are working, what do i do...disturb you? even when i do you get annoyed, so now where do i stand? 

"but now... i'm coming to hate comedy... you performing at night.. and sleeping during the day... when im home you're not... and days that you are.. some friend call you out... i;m not saying all the time but since singapore i must say i feel like you're not yourself or maybe you just lost the love for me... i know we're in a mess right now..with money being the issue... but i dont want us to fall apart because of this... but i'm scared that we might."

What can i do? thats how i make money now...this is a report from my jobstreet: 

Jobs Applied in Past 6 Months:106[View Details]
Under Consideration:0[View Details]


do you see what UNDER CONSIDERATION is? is this MY fault? do you think i like doing this? do you think i like the fact that i work at night? do you think i am doing ALL this on PURPOSE???? really? do you THINK? did you forget that singapore was last weekend and today in only THURSDAY? I was at home Monday and Wednesday, I had work on Tuesday which PAYS (after that i went to see a friend who just turned into a father, i still came back early because i thought you might still be awake) and today, what was i doing? was i out galavanting? was i out playing the fool? I was writing material, it wasnt a friend that called me, i needed some help, to do WORK... why cant you understand this...you know how many people make fun of me that its very hard to call me to go anywhere because i keep saying no because i want to stay home with you? why are you turning into this person who wants to keep me at home everyday? does it make you feel good seeing me at home feeling sorry for myself? 

"i hate seeing you like this.. like you gave up. I'm sure you're alot stronger than this... i dunno if this is giving up or it's just the way you are... bt this side i haven't seen before.. i call you from work to hear your voice cause i miss you.. but sometimes you're not even in the mood to talk.. it hurts bee... you might not know this.... "

then why the agro? why not talk to me? you ask me why i dont talk to you, because it is hard...i am used to not thinking when i talk, but you choose your words carefully, when i talk it comes straight from my heart, i say what is in my head, but i cannot expect you to understand what i am going through, i dont expect anyone to understand, do you even know that i am going through a depression? do i have to sit you down and tell you, "bee....i am going through depression!"? singapore i lost my phone, today my phone is barred...and you make big noise about the fact that i never call you? when last night, you just went to the room and shut yourself out, did i complain? no, i understood your situation and just made you comfortable? all i am asking is cut me some slack, you suffocate me so much, how not to push away? 

"i'm all chocked up with finance... i need your love and support to go through this... you i feel you're pushing me away...i go to sleep alone.. wake up alone.. go to work alone ... and come home alone... why bee?? have you thought abt me? i dont want to sound selfish... i'm sure you r feeling sad too... but talk to me... dont shut me out... i'm crying everyday.. thinking how things turned out.. but yes you'd say..why cry... yes bee..thats all i can do...somehow i need to relieve my emotion... i even thought lets have a child... at least i'll have something to put my attention to... forget abt u..."

YOU are choked up with finance? how do you think i am? galavanting with my money? I NEED YOUR love and support too, but MORE than that, i need you to UNDERSTAND, i am working my ass off trying to get us through this situation...it may seem to you that i am on my ass all day and i dont do anything, think about it, i dont have money to pay for petrol, i have no internet, what am i to do? have you stopped to think about me? i am at home ALONE all day...(at least you got people at work)...i cook for you when i am here (80% of the time)...I AM ****ING ALONE...i get up alone, i also sleep alone...you say you cry, have you seen a grown MAN cry? do you know i cry everynight thinking of what i put you through with this whole money thing? am i a useless bum? now that the cheque for the singapore gig got cancelled, i am working double hard this month to make ends meet...how does that make me feel? have you stopped and asked me, "how are YOU?" have you even asked me if I am ok? but i get the first degree when you feel a little pushed aside? i wish i could give you a kid...i wish we could have one tomorrow, but then i gotta think of another mouth to feed...do you even care that i dont even eat lunch anymore because i cannot afford it? i know you give me money, but i keep it at a minimum, i know i need money for petrol and groceries, but do i complain? no, i go through it because i think it will pass...but all i ask, as always, is just some love, undertsand me...

"i know all this sound pretty bad and you might think i'm so inconsidered abt your feeling but its human to think the same for myself too right.. im not saying this is wrong but i want us to talk abt it..... rather than saying u didnt understand or i didnt understdn.. let make amends..."

great, i would love to talk about it, you know i am all about talking...I am going through my depression, i dont want to bring you down with my thoughts, life sucks for me, and then you send me this email, and now it sucks more, because guess what, I didnt only fail as a human, you failed as a husband too...GREAT JOB by me huh? i would love to make ammends bee...I LOVE YOU, i say it sooooo much that it sounds like a phrase already, but if i could show you that i love you, i would...i wish that you would just stand by me in this hard time...just be my friend...just understand, but i DO love you bee, very very much...more than you would ever imagine!!!

"when was the last time you call me just to say.. that you were thinking of me... and that somehow u missed me... or overwhelm me wit your love... i long for it... latelly even when im home.. we just watch tv... we dont talk.. you dont ask abt my work anymore... how my day was.. like you dont care... then you'll be n your game.. like i dont matter... i can like that too... stay longer at work... which i do whenever you're not home... i mean whats the point right..??? it is an empty house..."

when was the last you did something for me? when was the last time you showed me you loved me? when was the last time you just held me for no reason? when was the last time you asked me how i was? for the past few weeks, every time you come home, you bring your books home and i dont get to talk to you...why dont you start a conversation with me? you say i dont care, but how are WE any different? it takes 2 to tango bee...I am sorry you feel this way...but i want things to change too, but its a bit selfish to blame me only isnt it?

"ask your self... if any of what i say make sense.. talk to me.. if not.. ignore this.. and i will too.. you can think of me being the selfish one.."

now dont get me wrong, i know what you are saying makes sense, but do you even know what worries me? have you asked? i want to talk to you, if you dont take what i say in the wrong way...i DONT want to ignore this...lets work it out, i love you too much to loose you, i dont ever want to...(please dont take this the wrong way) but i do wish you were a little more laid back...put yourself in my shoes...do you even know the amount of stress i am under? even my family thinks i am a bum that is not trying hard enough to look for a job, yes, i work at night, but PLEASE ask yourself WHY??? am i doing this for my own fun? i dont even like doing comedy anymore, its not fun anymore, feels like a chore for me now...but why do i do it, because i need the money...and worse, i hate that you make a big deal when you find out that i have a show and wont be home....ask yourself, do you think i can go along without doing this? 

I feel very hurt that you feel like this about me being out tonight, i was writing material with the ONE friend who is helping me, and i owe him a lot, but i dont expect you to understand that...i really dont...i didnt call you today, but YOU KNOW my phone was barred...i dont even want to ask you money to pay for my phone...because i feel bad thatYOU dont have money...

I love you bee, i really do, if you believe me, call me (i cant because my phone is still barred)

Your useless husband

pls help me.... i am trying to reach out to my husband but this is the kind of reply i get.. sometimes i think i cant talk to him because he's just too good to point out that you are at fault... mayb i should just give up


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Why don't you understand your own husband? He's simply asking for more love but you responsed with tons of complaints and blames. 
Can't you just simply say," I love you more than anything in the world. I will do whatever to make you happy.." I understand your work and I'm willing to make time with you." 
Stop complaining, you are making your husband feel he's an useless husband and you're being negative to his asking.
He asked for love and attention. You give. You sms him everyday to ask him, how's your day? You show you need him with a horny face, he would quickly come to satisfy you. Of course, not when he's busy at work.
You can whine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I don't know your whole history honey, so my advice my be way off. But I will throw out there what I see. It looks like instead of focusing on the topics that you both DO have control over, it gets shifted to the topics that you DON'T control. I think your H is similar to mine, where any "talk" ends up as him feeling attacked, so I have to really watch how I phrase things. 

EX: I hate it when you have to work so late -- ends up in an argument

I miss you so much when you are gone baby. When you come home can we snuggle and watch a show? Completely happy response.

I think you are going to have to find a way to get it across to him that you need him to be there for you when he can, without making him think its because of his job. Just that you want to feel like you are still important to him. Be understanding of his hours and job hunting, but also show him that when he is home, you need him to be there with you and build on your marriage. Does that make any sense or am I completely off?

BTW if he is like mine, he will not like whining. Whining is something children do, not wives LOL


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