# Wats w all the women cheaters?



## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

As I sit here daily and look at all the posts, I cant believe the amount of men coming here to look for support after their wives have screwed them over....and thats me included. Back in the day, it seemed that men were the creeps and did most of the cheating...at least those were all the stories i would hear.....now it seems, with the big help of technology, that women take full advantage of having their egos pumped up, by facebook msgs, text msgs and emails. I dont get it. Im not saying all women are like this but since my separation, I have decided to live a little and talk to the ladies. They all seem to be taken but they have no problem talking to me, either by msg or text. That was one problem i really had with my stbxw, was talking to other males behind my back thru text. She lied and lied until she was caught. Im wondering if all the women ive been msging let their boyfriends know that theyr'e talking to me. My bet is no, they're not and they all seem to love the attention.....thoughts?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have been messaging women? You are married right?

These days women cheat at a rate a bit lower than men cheat. Now that women are not as dependent on men finacially and legally, they are doing the same thing men have always done.

Also keep in mind that all those men who used to cheat.. they cheated with women right? Probably more single women than married women... but there was at least one woman involved with each man who cheated.

We've had discussions here on TAM about what seems to be more BS males than females here. The concensus tends to be that women are more likely to have a strong support group in real life. So fewer women look for this online.


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## Cabsy (Mar 25, 2013)

Women are working more these days and are crossing boundaries with guy friends and co-workers. Many women don't understand what makes men tick, what signals they are giving off, and they just enjoy the flattery of someone liking them and being interested. They like the attention. They like the danger, the newness, the butterflies. They like being one of the guys, the acceptance. Maybe some of them have daddy/abandonment issues. There are plenty of reasons to go around.

Women are empowered today and more independent - think of the "Mad Men" era (or go further back to Game of Thrones =) where men were probably cheating at a much higher rate than women, and compare that to the situation a woman finds herself in today.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I dunno. What's with all the men cheaters?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I dunno. What's with all the men cheaters?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

There is a higher concentration here at TAM. TAM only represents a smaller part of the world. That being said there are a lot of cheating going in secret.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

i think the op is commenting on the prevalence of men in CWI with cheating wives.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Cabsy said:


> Women are working more these days and are crossing boundaries with guy friends and co-workers. Many women don't understand what makes men tick, what signals they are giving off, and they just enjoy the flattery of someone liking them and being interested. They like the attention. They like the danger, the newness, the butterflies. They like being one of the guys, the acceptance. Maybe some of them have daddy/abandonment issues. There are plenty of reasons to go around.
> 
> Women are empowered today and more independent - think of the "Mad Men" era (or go further back to Game of Thrones =) where men were probably cheating at a much higher rate than women, and compare that to the situation a woman finds herself in today.


I've watched a couple of episodes of "Mad Men". That show is so full of stereo types that it's really a bit hard to watch. A lot of the things they show are not at all what it was like back then. For example the things the doc said to the young secretary when she went in for birth control pills.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

When heterosexual sex occurs it takes a man and a woman. My assessment is that both men and women have always cheated in roughly equal numbers. Our perceptions may need to be adjusted to accept this reality.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

cheating only requires one of those 2 people to be in a relationship, so whether men cheat more or women cheat more is not affected by that it takes 2 peopel to have sex


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I think men are more surprised and shocked when their wives cheat. They also do not usually have as many close friends as women do for support when it does happen and they end up here looking for support. I think the percentage of men and women cheating is probably very similar.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Just remember unless you have a homosexual situation---for every man that is cheating---there is a woman cheating with him-------whoops---I guess one of the partners doesn't have to be married---but then again---for the unmarried partner---they are also scum, as they are aiding in the destruction of a mge,, and the innocents in that mge.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Maybe the question would be better posed as; Hey whats with all the humans cheating?

What cha think?


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

jnj express said:


> Just remember unless you have a homosexual situation---for every man that is cheating---there is a woman cheating with him-------whoops---I guess one of the partners doesn't have to be married---but then again---for the unmarried partner---they are also scum, as they are aiding in the destruction of a mge,, and the innocents in that mge.


Not necessarily. It is possible that the married one lies to their AP about the marital status (telling they are single).


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> You have been messaging women? You are married right?
> 
> These days women cheat at a rate a bit lower than men cheat. Now that women are not as dependent on men finacially and legally, they are doing the same thing men have always done.
> 
> ...


I have a hard time believing men and women do not cheat in equal numbers. When it comes to sex, it has long been held that women under report their activity due to modesty and the fear of being labeled a ****. Men on the other hand, inflate their behavior so as to appear more macho. LOL and all the power is in the ladies hands.

A good example of the way things are headed. The owner of the AM cheaters website, reported a year ago that Australia now has more women signed up to cheat than men. According to him, Australia is more advanced than other developed nations when it comes to equality in the work force. The work place being where most infidelity thrives.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You have been messaging women? You are married right?
> 
> These days women cheat at a rate a bit lower than men cheat. Now that women are not as dependent on men finacially and legally, they are doing the same thing men have always done.
> 
> ...


I am separated after an affair by my wife in may of last year followed by a profile on ****** ******* 2 months ago. The red flags were there for a bit. the secrecy of her cell phone, not giving passwords to n e thing etc. Either way we are done and the house is sold......in regards to talking to women. Im just talking and would never screw a guy over since i know exactly how it feels. My question was more or less that it seems that a lot more men do come here and explain their story. And im totallly aware that there is male scum out there too lol


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

both gender cheat,steal,murder...etc equally in my book!


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## Cabsy (Mar 25, 2013)

I wasn't holding Mad Men up as a real life example, obviously it's a bit inflated, but it's true certainly true that women weren't as exposed to the same daily level of interactions with other men that they share now. The workplace is a prime place for cheating, and more women work now than in the past, so it makes sense to see a rise there. It's even easier to see a link when you consider the change in societal roles, the empowerment of women, etc.

I don't think the purpose is to say women cheat more than men, but I'd be surprised if the numbers didn't support that women are cheating more now than they did when women had more traditional roles. Nothing wrong with women straying from those traditional roles, I was raised by a single working mom and I value strength in women, but times have definitely changed in a number of ways. Women have become more active and equal partners and men have become somewhat softer. 

Many women don't seem to understand that there are millions of men out there who would have sex with them at the drop of a hat, and they're flattered when someone comes along and gives them that attention. Being a guy, hanging out with many types, hearing them talk about women... if a woman lets herself be objectified in that way, there are plenty of guys out there who are more than willing to oblige.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

How's the guy with most wayward wives on his friends list in here?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I've seen fairly equal numbers when it comes to men and women cheating. For one thing, some are "doubles", meaning both spouses cheated in some way. Second, some don't create heir own threads. Instead, they post on other threads about their own experiences.

Last, but not least, I am puzzled. You are separated from your cheating wife... and chatting with women doing the exact same thing your own wife did. Do you feel justified in doing so? I mean, these women are likely lying to their spouses/SOs, saying everything is cool... or lying to YOU saying that their SO knows. Does that make it alright? Did it make it alright for your wife to do the same thing? I just don't understand how someone can say to a spouse "it's not ok that you were doing this, but now it's ok when I'm doing the same with attached women"....


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

A woman in her mid forties likely grew up in a household where the man was the man of the house, the bread winner, and the woman was the stay at home mom. If married in her mid twenties, would have likely married a man who had shared notions of these gender roles.

That woman typically attained a higher level of education than her mother and went on to have children. Perhaps she spent a few years at home raising the babies and built a community of friends about her.

Her husband has settled nicely into his role as the bread winner, and begins to age as we all do. He pursues activities outside of the house with friends. Perhaps becomes a little detached, and certainly very comfortable with his good wife. Perhaps the sex becomes rather stagnant - three times a week, roll on, roll off. The kids make sure that there can be no acrobatics, or loud orga$m$. His belly becomes a little larger, the finger nails are not cut as well as they should be, farting under the covers becomes a snigger. His mode and method of dress loses it's lines, jeans sag in the seat yet are tight around the belly. Doors are no longer opened for the wife, chairs not pulled, a gentle kiss on the neck, or a reassuring touch is nowhere to be found. "Can I help you" becomes a faint disinterested grunt without looking up from the TV. This is the leftover from his day at work - where this same man was more energetic and dynamic.

She no longer looks at him with her adoring eyes. She sees a middle aged man, sexually uninteresting, yet comfortable. She loves the way he handles common tasks with the kids, but she no longer invites intercourse, spoken or physical. 

She enters the workplace. A competitive place strewn with men who are thinkers, active, out to impress. They compliment, open doors, dress well, are on the ball etc. These men pay attention, want to engage her in interesting discussions about interesting topics. These men have interesting lives that she knows nothing of.... 

I think there will be more and more women cheating. I'm single and the perfect target for this woman. You would be surprised how many women I know who exactly fit this profile. Every single one of them would have an affair under the right circumstance. Sadly, for most of them, it's just a matter of time.

The magical allure of being seen as a strong, intelligent, independent, EQUAL woman is here. The next generation may show that the percentages of affairs among the genders equals out, and the total percentage of affairs declines. The societal shift that we see today will dissipate, and the allure of affairs may decrease as span of equality increases.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I think it is because who the site attracts. 

We attract betrayed men more easily than betrayed women, because women have more social spots and helpful places than men do. 

When I first found out my XW cheated, I looked around my city. My church had a thing for men that had cheated and wives who dealt with cheating husbands, and a simple MC-ing which seemed to focus more on reconciliation/forgetting over making sure this never happens again.


As for myself, I want to keep it very private that I had a WXW. I mean VERY QUIET. 

My reason is because, I find it humiliating and emasculating. 
Here I am, at 6'2" with the body of an amateur body builder, and a good job, and I couldn't even keep my XW from cheating on me. What could she possibly have needed that I didn't provide? (Well, some people may joke about my older hobbies and how that may have contributed...)

But it is, if nothing else, embarrassing. 
I don't want to go to some AA meeting, or some church group, with people I may see, and tell them, for everything I have done and did, I had a cheating XW. 

And I imagine it is probably similar for other BH on this site. 

We don't want to tell the world, or even our workmates, that we have a cheating wife at home. 
But we don't know what to do, or how to handle it. 

And instead, we find an embracing community online here, that we can vent to, talk with, and share our problems with.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

There are sites just for women that have sections just for women with WH. I don't think there are male hang out forums in general. 
When women stayed home they used to just have sex with the mailman or milkman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> There are sites just for women that have sections just for women with WH. I don't think there are male hang out forums in general.
> When women stayed home they used to just have sex with the mailman or milkman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


pool boy for the rich women.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Gardner...


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

This question seems to pop up every few months.

That's just this particular site. On the other site, BH are in the minority.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think that men come here more because they lack support networks to help them deal with their awful cheating wives. Women tend to have more emotional support in their lives where as men are expected to fix things themselves. Do they come here for the help they lack in their regular lives.

I think there is also a difference between male and female cheaters. Yes I'm biased as a make, but the women cheaters seem harsher and harder than the men. 

Men are simple creatures who want love and sex. When they cheat its because a woman is offering them sex with a much lower barrier to entry than they have at home.

When women cheat it's a much deeper emotional betrayal and rejection of the man as a partner and husband. It's a fundamental rejection of the man as a valued person and as a worthy partner. 

I think it's because biologically men are able to father many children but they only stay with the woman they value, where women can carry only one mans baby, but can get any schmuck to raise it,

When a woman selects or rejects a man it's a much bigger thing than when a man does the same. Meaning men can be awful dogs and cheat all over the place but they do do without the same degree of malice and out right rejection of their BS that a woman's cheating entails.

I full admit as a guy that I'm biased.

Cheating by anyone sucks hard and is just about one of the worst and most abusive things you can inflict upon another person., but when a woman chooses to do it , I see it as a much harsher choice to reject the BS.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

I don't know who cheats more, or more often, or with more people.

But just about any women can have sex at any time and has the option to do it with allot of different men if she so chooses.

Men have to work at it more to get what they want. I don't know if more women are cheating, or women are cheating more, but it's certainly allot easier for them to find a willing male than visa versa.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

The opportunity for women to meet more men than before mainly through the workplace has given them far more opportunity to have affairs. 

A woman in the workplace sees herself as educated, intelligent and deserving of a good life, and if her husband quits measuring up to her expectations, if she feels continually disappointed by him it is extremely easy for her to find the missing satisfaction in an affair. 

Marriages are more and more like cars. Rather than a life-long commitment, they are often seen as something you drive for a while and when they get too much engine trouble, you buy a new one.

I don't think that the main reason there are more men here is that men lack the emotional support structure of women. We all suffer from a bit of isolation in today's world. A lot of it is a perception, but one with some hard facts behind it. Men have been brought up to believe that they have to take care of their wives and fulfill her needs as part of their masculine self-image. When a man finds out that his wife is actively sleeping with another man it can be shattering in a way that's not the same as it is for a woman. Men have to be strong, but suddenly he feels weak and impotent. He feels less than a man, a completely pathetic half-man. The pain can be unbearable (for both women and men of course, but for men there's the added humiliation of measuring up as a man and failing miserably).


Picking yourself up and trying to be a man after that seems almost impossible, and some men would rather just not be rather than be nothing, which is why the suicide rate among betrayed husbands is much higher than betrayed wives.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Gardner...


Ohhhh the gardener! Now, i would take the gardener! Toned and tanned and rough dirty hands....hmmmm

We could be talking Lady Chatterley's Lover here! The banned 50 shades for the 1960's....I wonder if it had the same effect then as 50 shades seems to have had now on a few marriages recently.

Ooops! Forgot where I was for a moment. No, I would NEVER take the gardener. How could you say/think such a thing.


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

It really is this site, just has way more betrayed men. It's not the norm, compared to other sites. 

And the pain of betrayal is a awful sting, whether you are male or female.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

betrayed2013 said:


> I have decided to live a little and talk to the ladies. They all seem to be taken but they have no problem talking to me, either by msg or text. That was one problem i really had with my stbxw, was talking to other males behind my back thru text. She lied and lied until she was caught. Im wondering if all the women ive been msging let their boyfriends know that theyr'e talking to me. My bet is no, they're not and they all seem to love the attention.....thoughts?


So...basically, you're doing what you said you wouldn't do - screwing over other guys by talking to their "ladies". You totally contradicted yourself in this very first post...



betrayed2013 said:


> I am separated after an affair by my wife in may of last year followed by a profile on ****** ******* 2 months ago. The red flags were there for a bit. the secrecy of her cell phone, not giving passwords to n e thing etc. Either way we are done and the house is sold......in regards to talking to women. Im just talking and would never screw a guy over since i know exactly how it feels. My question was more or less that it seems that a lot more men do come here and explain their story. *And im totallly aware that there is male scum out there too lol*


Hate to point out the hypocracy from the first post, man...but I can't help it. You're "just talking"...hmmm ~ now where have we heard THAT before? :scratchhead:

Bueller...Bueller...Bueller...


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

i don't think there has been a rise in cheating by women per say, i just think men have become more receptive about discussing it; especially on an anonymous board.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> So...basically, you're doing what you said you wouldn't do - screwing over other guys by talking to their "ladies". You totally contradicted yourself in this very first post...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


At least SOMEONE else noticed the same thing I pointed out...


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

From your first post on this page, I think you are wrong in saying that they want their "EGO'S" pumped. JUST SAYING.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

That would be a joke, for those of you that are keeping track of me!


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Just a theory, but maybe men are more likely to search for answers online, when they're having suspicions/problems etc.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> So...basically, you're doing what you said you wouldn't do - screwing over other guys by talking to their "ladies". You totally contradicted yourself in this very first post...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Not at all. I've had offers from women with kids and long term boyfriends and i've made it clear that thats exactly what happened to my family and i could never do the same.


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

I work in an office environment with many women. And although there are many male "players" (ahem, i was one of them) ... I see far more aggressiveness in the women (always have). I realize this is anecdotal as its just been my experiences, but I've always felt it's the women that are the bigger cheaters.

It's as if the male "players" like to brag about their conquests so they get all the attention and therefore are branded as the worse sex when it comes to infidelity. But something tells me the women are just as bad if not worse ... because they are more quiet about it and it gets under-reported.

Just my 2 cents.

PS: Besides, it takes 2 to cheat.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Statistically I think men still cheat more than women but men are more likely to seek anonymous forums like TAM because there is not support group. At least it's not something men will converse with their buddies or family about as often as women will. Therefore you'll see more men being cheated on in anonymous avenues.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

sunshinetoday said:


> It really is this site, just has way more betrayed men. It's not the norm, compared to other sites.


:iagree:

Take for example surivivinginfidelity.com. The ratio of female betrayed spouses to male betrayed spouses is something like 10 to 1. Here, it's the opposite for some unknown reason.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

I went to another site before this one with a much higher female to male ratio. I don't remember which. When I posted looking for advice there was an obvious attitude that she must have had a good reason because having a penis made me wrong. I came to this site after that.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Ovid said:


> I went to another site before this one with a much higher female to male ratio. I don't remember which. When I posted looking for advice there was an obvious attitude that she must have had a good reason because having a penis made me wrong. I came to this site after that.


Was that SI by any chance?


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Was that SI by any chance?


Might have been. I just remember the reaction was that I must have drove her to it. If I was a better man she'd be faithful etc. I didn't go looking for another forum for awhile after the trashing I got. I was at such a low already it took me awhile to recover from it.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Remains said:


> Ohhhh the gardener! Now, i would take the gardener! Toned and tanned and rough dirty hands....hmmmm
> 
> We could be talking Lady Chatterley's Lover here! The banned 50 shades for the 1960's....I wonder if it had the same effect then as 50 shades seems to have had now on a few marriages recently.
> 
> Ooops! Forgot where I was for a moment. No, I would NEVER take the gardener. How could you say/think such a thing.


My Ws AP was a tree trimmer...


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Ovid said:


> Might have been. I just remember the reaction was that I must have drove her to it. If I was a better man she'd be faithful etc. I didn't go looking for another forum for awhile after the trashing I got. I was at such a low already it took me awhile to recover from it.


Then it can't be SI. Because most of what I've learned, I learned over there. They are just as hard on female WS and supportive towards BH's.

The end of the saga of Abbondad


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Then it can't be SI. Because most of what I've learned, I learned over there. They are just as hard on female WS and supportive towards BH's.
> 
> The end of the saga of Abbondad


The site I was on was the opposite. I wish I could recall which. It needs a warning label.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

betrayed2013 said:


> Not at all. I've had offers from women with kids and long term boyfriends and i've made it clear that thats exactly what happened to my family and i could never do the same.


I just wanted to simply point out that you're talking to women via chat, text, etc., who are already involved with other men. So...I mean, what do ya's talk about? Again, just as someone who sees a lot of stuff here on this very forum, are YOU a friend of those women's marriages/relationships?

Just something to ponder. That's all.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

From a personal experience, I have had several dozen, yes, dozens, of women approach me either directly (few and far between) or indirectly (via social media) in a manner that would not be appropriate. Some just came out with it. Others were roundabout (all you Yes fans should be smiling!) with it. My wife claims that not one person has hit on her. I've noticed an influx around me of cheating women, but I would say that is just my experience. Looking back on it, I probably bear some of the blame because I wouldn't be stern with it unless they were direct. Maybe it's wrong to do so, but I pride myself on my proclivities to be faithful.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

LanieB said:


> I will have to say that since there is an abundance of BH's on this site, I do see some female bashing occasionally, but I try to understand that these men are hurting and venting, so I just move on to another thread. And I will also say that none of the bashing has ever been directed at me personally, thank goodness!


Ya know, I can't say I have actually been "bashed" per se... but the closest I came to that, it wasn't from men...it was other ladies on here. Perhaps because I recognized my own screw ups and questioned whether I even had the right to be upset about my husband's own EA? Dunno. But over all, I haven't been bashed. However, I HAVE seen a few men knocked down a bit. For some of them, it was the most effective way to get them to take their blinders off. For the most part, though, bashing (or the like) occurs toward trolls and those who are not remorseful... the ones who keep trying to justify their actions.


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