# Trickle truth and Separation - 1 month out



## henley (Feb 29, 2012)

I feel like I don't even who my husband is or has been for the past few months.... 

It will be a month tomorrow since Dday. I discovered via facebook messages that my husband had been having a EA/PA with his coworker that lasted 4 months. It took me a while but I had come to the conclusion that i wasn't ready to "quit" without at least making an effort to make our marriage work. We have been married for 2 and half years and together for 7. I was clear to my husband that just because I wanted to try to fix things, I couldn't promise him R at this point.

He has been the one on the fence during this whole thing. He says he doesn't want to have anything to do with the OW but NC has definitely not been maintained - as I found out from our phone bill last week - they had been texting back and forth. 

He says he doesn't know what he wants - he has moved out and is living with friends 3 hours away. Some of our conversations go well, others not so much! Yesterday we had a great conversation about how we were both feeling but then he told me that both his psychiatrist (he was depressed/suicidal) and therapist think he should open his own bank account and a new phone line. They also think it is good for him to be away.

I am devastated. I moved to our current city for him because it is where is family is... but I have no one and now he is gone too. He is talking about how much he loves the place he is staying and it makes me feel so bitter since I do not have the luxury of picking up and leaving (he has been at his job for almost 7 years and has great short term illness leave benefits... I started my job 3 weeks before I found out about the affair and therefore have a first impression to make!)

On top of all these feelings of being abandoned he told me today in the spirit of being "open and honest" that he had been using marijuana and MDMA over the last 4-5 months. I knew about the week but the fact he dabbled in something harder really has me shaken up. This is NOT the man i fell in love with and married. It is one thing to try to fix a marriage with someone that you have known for so long but when that person has apparently changed so much how can I find it in myself to get over the deceit.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

henley said:


> I feel like I don't even who my husband is or has been for the past few months....
> 
> It will be a month tomorrow since Dday. I discovered via facebook messages that my husband had been having a EA/PA with his coworker that lasted 4 months. It took me a while but I had come to the conclusion that i wasn't ready to "quit" without at least making an effort to make our marriage work. We have been married for 2 and half years and together for 7. I was clear to my husband that just because I wanted to try to fix things, I couldn't promise him R at this point.
> 
> ...


Sorry.

First get yourself counseling.

He has serious problems and he has no remorse.

others will advise as to how you should proceed.


Sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi henley sorry you are here I agree he is caught in the grips of affair fog 
And probably seems 180 degrees from the person that you fell in love with
The dfurther away from the affair ea or pa along with no contact he will start to appear himself
Again if this is what he wants as the wayward spouse he should be willing to do anything 
To win yr love back if he is fence sitting or appears as he is that means he I still in contact
With the ow. Everytime he talks to her he will go back to day one etc this is how you can tell he is contact
I would suggest setting yr boundaries on what you want in a relationship or marriage
I believe that a marriage cconsists of 2 parties not 3 I would let him know that 
If he wants to be married to you then these are your expectation
No contact with ow under no circumstances 
He writes a letter. Of no contact to the other party that is approved by you and you can mail it 
Mc for recovery of yr m 
These are just examples feel free to add more based upon what you want 
You can start working on yrself immediately exercising ating healthy etc 
And possibly the 180 program in order to take and protect yr self 

More will be by shorty 
Take care 
Good Luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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