# I feel so conflicted



## Blue_eyes78

So it has been close to a year since I posted any updates. My husband had an EA with a much younger co-worker almost 3 years ago. At that time we had been married 6 years and we have 2 boys ages 8 and 6. I did everything wrong after finding out. I begged him to stay and did all of the heavy lifting of trying to repair our relationship for two years. This whole time he continued working with the home wrecker. I finally put my foot down and he said he wanted a divorce. We filed in March of last year. He moved out and I had a wonderful summer during which I met someone who was the complete opposite of my stb ex. I was so happy. My husband found out I was seeing someone else. He flipped out and was angry at first. That turned into begging me for another chance. To sum it up I put some hard boundaries down and agreed to give him another chance. He moved back in last September. It has been rocky to say the least but he has made some positive changes. We are both in therapy and on the surface things look good. I am really struggling with feelings of regret for letting him back in. I don't have any feelings towards him. I just feel anger and at times indifference. I feel like everything he is doing is fake. I don't know if I should end it or give it more time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue_eyes78

The other guy I spent the summer with understood and stepped back. I agree with you about my brain screaming at me. I feel like I need to escape from him. The things that are causing me to doubt that are the fact that my therapist is encouraging me to sit back and see if my husbands actions match his promises. She also feels that he is a sex addict and is emotionally anorexic and that he can be helped with therapy. I have a fear of I leave now and he changes I will always wonder if we could have been happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Are you in monthly therapy together? Do you have access to all his electronics? Is he spending quality time with you and the boys? Are you in IC to deal with what he did? Is he ACTIVELY addressing the negative aspects that make you feel dead to him, or is he just living with you day to day?

You have every right to say I'm done, after his cheating. I would only caution you to make sure you really HAVE done everything first, before you tear up your kids' lives - again.


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## Blue_eyes78

Yes I have access to all of his electronics and he is spending more quality time with us. He has stopped all contact with the OW and allows me to vent and be angry. He just takes it. Where he is falling short is getting IC for himself. He uses work as an excuse and I feel like it is the same old things again. I feel like no matter what he does I won't feel safe. He is trying, I am not giving him credit and always find what he isn't doing and focus on that. I am fearful that I was just too hurt. I don't know how to overcome that. I am IC. We have our first session together with my therapist to talk about emotional anorexia. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Then you should stay in therapy together for at least 6 months before you make any decisions that affect your children so drastically. It will take that long for MC to have any effect. And the MC may be able to get him into the IC.


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## morituri

I can't blame you for the huge amount of resentment you have for WH in light of his 3 year EA. But in the long run it is extremely toxic to your well being, whether you reconcile or divorce him. Keep in mind that old saying "resentment is like taking poison and expecting another to die".


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## Blue_eyes78

Thank you for your advice. My therapist had the same time frame. She said to give it until the first of the year to see how I feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

I forget which book I was reading, and the author, a therapist, said that he tells couples who come to him that he 'requires' them to commit to at least 10 sessions before giving up on whatever their goal is. He said in the book that it takes that long to find the problem, address the problem, and see if the problem goes away.


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## vi_bride04

Sorry you are here. Its going to be a very long and difficult road... Do you think he will step up and actually put work into R? 

To me it sounds like he only wanted to work on the marriage when he saw you being happy and moving on.......

I think your inner self is very upset you are back in his presence and that's why you feel conflicted. You know he is bad news for you deep down inside but have some hope he will change. 

Actions. Watch his actions. What do they say? IMO, Not willing to go to IC seems to be a red flag. He should be doing anything and everything to get to the root of his issues, especially since he was the one begging to come back.


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## Openminded

Sounds like he decided he wanted you back because you were seeing someone else and he woke up. The problem is that your feelings for him haven't come back -- and they might not. 

R is a very difficult road. The person you felt would never break your heart did just that. You no longer feel safe. Trust is very hard to regain (and often doesn't completely return). Triggers can last for years. 

Give it until the end of the year. If you don't feel there's sufficient progress then you can decide on your next step.


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## Blue_eyes78

I can't tell you how much the advice I get on here means to me. I had a really rough couple of days where I was really down on myself for letting him back. I am pulling myself back up however. I am going to make the best of it until the end of the year. We have our first session where we will both be meeting with my counselor tomorrow. I really hope it goes well. At least now I am not afraid or feel guilty telling him what I need. I let him know this weekend that while I notice what he is doing, it isn't enough for me. I feel good putting it all out there. Time and his actions will let me know. Again thank you all so much!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded

We're pulling for you!


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## vi_bride04

Thank you for the update. You have a solid plan in your mind and doing things for you (like expressing your needs) which is great. 

It will be difficult but at least you have a time frame in your head and resources to turn to.

You got this!


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## Thundarr

Blue_eyes78 said:


> The other guy I spent the summer with understood and stepped back. I agree with you about my brain screaming at me. I feel like I need to escape from him. The things that are causing me to doubt that are the fact that my therapist is encouraging me to sit back and see if my husbands actions match his promises. She also feels that he is a sex addict and is emotionally anorexic and that he can be helped with therapy. I have a fear of I leave now and he changes I will always wonder if we could have been happy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you're really angry at yourself for putting up with the crap he did and you're angry at him to doing that crap and your therapist doesn't have a clue. It feels fake because you don't trust him and have lost respect for him as you should have.


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## Blue_eyes78

You hit the nail on the head Thundarr. That is exactly what I am struggling with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vi_bride04

Do you think that is something you can work through?

I couldn't..... I felt as though I was betraying every ounce of me. Maybe things will be different in your R.

All I know is to watch actions.... The words that come out of his mouth are useless at this point.


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## Blue_eyes78

That is the million dollar question. I don't know if I can work through it. I have some good days but the bad days are much more numerous. And when the negative feelings creep up they are intense. Sometimes I feel like I am logically trying to convince myself to stay instead of letting my emotions guide me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

My only comment is that you will likely learn a LOT in the therapy that just never occurred to you, and/or you'll learn to respond to each other, communicate, in healthier ways. And IME, it's that lack of communicating healthily that ruins marriages, and it's LEARNING to communicate healthily that can improve them. Just be open to learning these next 6 months. Even if you end up divorced, you'll learn a lot that can help you in your next relationship.


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## Dude007

"I met someone who was the complete opposite of my stb ex. I was so happy." This is exactly why you NEVER get into another relationship until you are cleansed of the last one. This complete opposite that is attracting you to newman is leaving massive blind spots. BEWARE WILL ROBINSON DANGER DANGER


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## Dude007

Blue_eyes78 said:


> That is the million dollar question. I don't know if I can work through it. I have some good days but the bad days are much more numerous. And when the negative feelings creep up they are intense. Sometimes I feel like I am logically trying to convince myself to stay instead of letting my emotions guide me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"letting my emotions guide me."<----RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Blue_eyes78

Why is letting my emotions guide me a red flag? I was also wondering if any of you had advice on how to navigate IC and MC. We both have our IC but they seem to be giving us conflicting advice. It almost drives us further apart. For example my counselor says she feels that he is emotionally anorexic and his counselor disagrees. Both counsellors are part of a group of counselors. We have signed papers so that they could communicate and guide us that way. I am wondering if it is better to just see a MC. Any thoughts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Call both ICs and ask them to consult together and come up with a plan.


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## WorkingWife

Good luck, I think the time line is smart. Give it your all but be ready to walk, no guilt on your part.

BTW - Not to throw gasoline on a fire, but, if this was a "much younger coworker" I have a hard time believing it was just an EA and never got physical. Unless she works in a different state.

Also - isn't it fascinating how the wayward spouse can be so indifferent to the relationship and the pain they have caused you when they believe you are pining away for them? The second your attention shifts elsewhere, they suddenly find Jesus. I understand your resentment. I hope your husband steps up for your whole family's sake. But if he doesn't, it sounds like you will definitely land on your feet.


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## Dude007

Blue_eyes78 said:


> Why is letting my emotions guide me a red flag? I was also wondering if any of you had advice on how to navigate IC and MC. We both have our IC but they seem to be giving us conflicting advice. It almost drives us further apart. For example my counselor says she feels that he is emotionally anorexic and his counselor disagrees. Both counsellors are part of a group of counselors. We have signed papers so that they could communicate and guide us that way. I am wondering if it is better to just see a MC. Any thoughts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Following your emotions is a fools game, you know that right? Utilize logic my friend and save yourself a lot of pain. The other comment about an opposite dude making you happy is indicative of a person who frankly has a lack of emotional maturity(maybe even stability). Use your critical thinking skills, reread your post as if it was your sister writing it, and crush it with logic, not emotions. I'm here to help!


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## happy as a clam

I am also wondering how you are certain that it was strictly an EA, and never developed into a PA.

I'm very sorry for what you are going through.


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## ConanHub

Did you possibly give up or taint your future by having your H back?

Everything else aside. Splitting up, getting involved with other people intimately, splitting up with them to get intimate with each other again.

This is a huge mess and no wonder you are feeling like crap!

Maybe a break from relationships for a while to see if he can improve and clear your head?

Distance is sometimes good for perspective and in your situation, I think it may definitely be called for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue_eyes78

I am not 100% certain that it never got physical. I was able to read every message they sent back and forth to each other because my husband did not delete a thing from his burner phone. The messages talked about how good it would be if they were ever together and how they couldn't wait to be able to be together. I completely agree with you ConanHub. My actions during the divorce process were immature. I was desperate for love and affection from someone that I ignored my my logical side. Can relationships be built in logic? I got back with him because logically it made sense for the kids and financially it made a ton of sense. What I struggling with is my feelings of resentment and anger and just plain sadness. I am sticking to the timeline and I am going to try really hard to open up to him again and see if my feelings can resurface. It is just terrifying. Thank you all for your advice. I really respect what you all have to say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007

Blue_eyes78 said:


> I am not 100% certain that it never got physical. I was able to read every message they sent back and forth to each other because my husband did not delete a thing from his burner phone. The messages talked about how good it would be if they were ever together and how they couldn't wait to be able to be together. I completely agree with you ConanHub. My actions during the divorce process were immature. I was desperate for love and affection from someone that I ignored my my logical side. Can relationships be built in logic? I got back with him because logically it made sense for the kids and financially it made a ton of sense. What I struggling with is my feelings of resentment and anger and just plain sadness. I am sticking to the timeline and I am going to try really hard to open up to him again and see if my feelings can resurface. It is just terrifying. Thank you all for your advice. I really respect what you all have to say.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Could it be your are just grieving the loss of the marriage you thought you had? Now all your hopes and dreams are dashed and you have to re-adjust what makes sense for you logically. I'm not down playing the grief, just saying if you leave you will still grieve the enormous loss plus some. Make sense?


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## aine

Blue_eyes78 said:


> I am not 100% certain that it never got physical. I was able to read every message they sent back and forth to each other because my husband did not delete a thing from his burner phone. The messages talked about how good it would be if they were ever together and how they couldn't wait to be able to be together. I completely agree with you ConanHub. My actions during the divorce process were immature. I was desperate for love and affection from someone that I ignored my my logical side. Can relationships be built in logic? I got back with him because logically it made sense for the kids and financially it made a ton of sense. What I struggling with is my feelings of resentment and anger and just plain sadness. I am sticking to the timeline and I am going to try really hard to open up to him again and see if my feelings can resurface. It is just terrifying. Thank you all for your advice. I really respect what you all have to say.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



This is very tough for you as you had the decision made for you at the beginning and you got divorced.
It is a huge betrayal and it is normal you feel this way.
You have to give it time and cannot expect things to be good immediately. You have to work through the forgiveness part anyway whether you end up together or not. Remember forgiveness is for you, not him. However, you may find after all the counselling that it is good to move on to MC. Once you have given it all you got then you can decide what to do. You will have all sorts of positive and negative feelings throughout but making decisions based on your emotions alone is very dangerous.


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## Blue_eyes78

Thank you all again for your advice. I am hopeful that the feelings of anger, regret, and resentment subside. I have started getting panic attacks lately. It's awful. All of my friends and family who supports me through all of this cautioned me about how hard it would be to take him back. I just had no idea how hard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr

Blue_eyes78 said:


> Thank you all again for your advice. I am hopeful that the feelings of anger, regret, and resentment subside. I have started getting panic attacks lately. It's awful. All of my friends and family who supports me through all of this cautioned me about how hard it would be to take him back. I just had no idea how hard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The uncertainty is likely causing a lot of anxiety. Your in a holding pattern where you're unable to breath. It's like being lost and taking the road you hope is right but not being sure about it. If it's not the right road then you're going the wrong way and wasting time. In this case it may be necessary but it still takes it's toll on you.


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## turnera

Blue_eyes78 said:


> Thank you all again for your advice. I am hopeful that the feelings of anger, regret, and resentment subside. I have started getting panic attacks lately. It's awful. All of my friends and family who supports me through all of this cautioned me about how hard it would be to take him back. I just had no idea how hard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you have rules in place?


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## Dude007

Blue_eyes78 said:


> Thank you all again for your advice. I am hopeful that the feelings of anger, regret, and resentment subside. I have started getting panic attacks lately. It's awful. All of my friends and family who supports me through all of this cautioned me about how hard it would be to take him back. I just had no idea how hard.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF, Sound familiar???!!! You are just grieving the losses we talked about. All normal!!!

•Physical expressions of grief often include crying and sighing, headaches, loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, weakness, fatigue, feelings of heaviness, aches, pains, and other stress-related ailments.
•Emotional expressions of grief include feelings of sadness and yearning. But feelings of worry, ANXIETY, frustration, anger, or guilt are also normal.
•Social expressions of grief may include feeling detached from others, isolating yourself from social contact, and behaving in ways that are not normal for you.


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## Blue_eyes78

Thank you for the comment on the uncertain road. That sums up how I feel. The only rules we have is that he is to have no contact with OW and we need to go to counseling. I completely understand the grieving process. It's just frustrating because I don't see an end in sight. I also get very frustrated hearing that I have to give him time to show me that he has changed. There are days when I want to just walk away. Those days I remind myself what he provides and push through. It can only get easier right? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Ok, let's set up some specific things that you need to see, to alleviate your anxiety.

Has he either taken off passwords off all his electronics, or else given you those passwords?

Does he hand over his electronics whenever you ask to see them, so you can verify no contact?

Are you checking his personal spaces (car, etc.) to ensure there's no burner phone? And is he allowing it?

Has he written a No Contact letter to her to tell her never to contact him again, that he's choosing you and his marriage?

Has he told your parents or important people what he did and asked their forgiveness for hurting you?

Are you able to discuss the affair whenever you need to (i.e. he doesn't get angry, refuse to answer, or shut you down)?

Are you two spending 30 minutes a week discussing the state of your marriage so that both of you can safely tell how you feel about things?

Is he telling you where he is at all times for the foreseeable future, so you can be assured he's not cheating again?

Has he installed a GPS on his phone so you can verify where he is?

If these things are not happening, tell him that you need them. If he refuses, tell him that you'll thus make plans to separate as you therefore don't believe his remorse and willingness to 'do what it takes' are genuine. And then MAKE those plans. He has to fear losing you.


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## Dude007

Could it be the anxiety relates to the divorce you know is coming because deep down you have already decided to end it? This sounds like anticipatory grief to me but just guessing.


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## Blue_eyes78

He is doing all of those things. I have told my therapist several times he is doing everything right and it just seems fake. She said it sounded like I was just protecting myself. That it is right to be cautious of someone who changed so drastically in such a short period of time. Maybe deep down I do want it to end. I am just scared to lose what he provides. And now that he is doing everything right I have no reason to end it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007

" Maybe deep down I do want it to end. I am just scared to lose what he provides. And now that he is doing everything right I have no reason to end it" bingo! Sorry that's why it's so damn scary


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## Blue_eyes78

You're right Dude007. I have made a choice to get back with him solely on the fact that he provides well. I even said that to him in the beginning. He said that he was fine with that because he is sure he can win me back. I am just so wounded. I am just going to stick it out and hope for the best. My situation isn't nearly as bad as some of the people on here. He loves me and my kids and provides very well. What do I have to complain about? Time to put my big girl pants on right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007

I think you may walk. That's why anxiety is sky high. Have you already started imagining your life wout him?


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## aine

Blue_eyes78 said:


> He is doing all of those things. I have told my therapist several times he is doing everything right and it just seems fake. She said it sounded like I was just protecting myself. That it is right to be cautious of someone who changed so drastically in such a short period of time. Maybe deep down I do want it to end. I am just scared to lose what he provides. And now that he is doing everything right I have no reason to end it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It would be a shame to walk away now when he is really making the changes, give him and the process time. If you still feel like it is never going to be right then walk away knowing that you gave him and your marriage a chance. You will still have to process all the emotions regardless of the outcome, and will be a better and wiser person for it.
It is normal to go from point to point in the grief circle until you reach a stage of acceptance, true things will never be the same again, you will not look at your husband the same again but you could build something new and better, don't give up yet on that possibility. You just need time.


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## Blue_eyes78

I imagine my life without him everyday. You are right aine. That is why I am sticking it out. I don't want to have any regrets and wonder what if. Time will tell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## McDean

Logic: 1) Go for broke in making it work - if it works out could give you the strongest relationship you've ever experience, if not you can walk away knowing you did everything you can!
2) Set deal breakers in your mind (not your heart) - he is human and will stumble but how bad does he have to stumble in order for you to walk? Know the stumbles you will and will not overlook in the process so you have a trigger if needed. Overtime, if he makes good on his word and does well, these will naturally soften as you accept the changes he's made...but don't let your guard completely down for awhile.
3) Trigger gets pulled, walk if not run - your heart and your mind are already under great stress in this scenario, he pulls a trigger (see # 2), you run away and move on with your life. His mistake for wasting his chance with someone clearly capable of forgiving a lot....
4) Other men - bad idea, every way from Sunday - messes up both your head and your heart even more and they are already beat down.

Really hoping for a come back story in your case - logic: come back stories on this site inspire us all!


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## Dude007

Blue_eyes78 said:


> I imagine my life without him everyday. You are right aine. That is why I am sticking it out. I don't want to have any regrets and wonder what if. Time will tell.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is it possible you always considered infidelity a deal breaker?? Did you even specifically tell him long ago? If so, you ALWAYS knew you'd walk and thats why anxiety is flying high.


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## Blue_eyes78

That sounds like a reasonable plan mcDean. I can do that. Dude007. Yes I always said cheating was a deal breaker. After he told me he wanted a divorce after two years of me trying everything I could I became very upset with myself. I never saw myself as the type of woman who would practically beg someone to stay with them. I hated the fact that I did that. I would feel so weak and pathetic when I would try and take a stand and tell him he couldn't work with her and he would get upset and say I needed to get over it, that there was nothing going on. Time and time again I felt like he was putting her above me. My feelings meant nothingn to him. When he said he wanted a divorce it was a huge sense of relief. I was finally able to be myself and I felt GOOD about myself for the first time in a long time. It is just really hard to look at him and think that I could open myself up to him again. Time will tell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007

Yes I always said cheating was a deal breaker.<-Time won't tell, you already know where this is going hence all the anxiety. The relief will return once you go where the grieving is going to take you.(Out of there!)


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## Thundarr

Blue_eyes78 said:


> That sounds like a reasonable plan mcDean. I can do that. Dude007. Yes I always said cheating was a deal breaker. After he told me he wanted a divorce after two years of me trying everything I could I became very upset with myself. I never saw myself as the type of woman who would practically beg someone to stay with them. I hated the fact that I did that. I would feel so weak and pathetic when I would try and take a stand and tell him he couldn't work with her and he would get upset and say I needed to get over it, that there was nothing going on. Time and time again I felt like he was putting her above me. My feelings meant nothingn to him. When he said he wanted a divorce it was a huge sense of relief. I was finally able to be myself and I felt GOOD about myself for the first time in a long time. It is just really hard to look at him and think that I could open myself up to him again. Time will tell.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know how you're able to get past those things Blue_eyes. I assumed he had been trying to make things right since you found out but that's not the case at all. It sounds like when he was in control he wasn't willing to face any consequences and was mad at you for not letting it go. I don't think you should have given him this chance but I wish you good luck.


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## vi_bride04

I think your anxiety comes from him not really trying to step up and change. The core behavior traits and attitude that led to his cheating probably still exist and why your inner self is not comfortable at all.

I say this as I felt exactly like you did during R. For the entire 4 years we tried. He never addressed the deep issues as to why he cheated and started to go down the infidelity path again so I left. 

It was the best decision I ever made for myself. Good luck on your path, just be true to you. Once you are, the anxiety will start to subside.


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## turnera

Blue_eyes78 said:


> That sounds like a reasonable plan mcDean. I can do that. Dude007. Yes I always said cheating was a deal breaker. After he told me he wanted a divorce after two years of me trying everything I could I became very upset with myself. I never saw myself as the type of woman who would practically beg someone to stay with them. I hated the fact that I did that. I would feel so weak and pathetic when I would try and take a stand and tell him he couldn't work with her and he would get upset and say I needed to get over it, that there was nothing going on. Time and time again I felt like he was putting her above me. My feelings meant nothingn to him. When he said he wanted a divorce it was a huge sense of relief. I was finally able to be myself and I felt GOOD about myself for the first time in a long time. It is just really hard to look at him and think that I could open myself up to him again. Time will tell.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So she is 100% out of the picture now, right? No working together, no FB access, no nothing?


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## Blue_eyes78

She is still in the office she just works for another doctor. She just had a baby and will be gone for 12 weeks. He hasn't spoken to her at all since we have been back together. Even told her that the fact that they worked together and talked with each other was disrespectful to me. She just looked at him funny and said ooook. Kind of like he was crazy. But no talking after that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blue_eyes78

I know where my anxiety comes from. I have a feeling deep down that he will do it again. Maybe not for a long time, but it will happen again. To his credit he has been going to IC. He has acknowledged that he is a sex addict. He used porn in an unhealthy manner. He has stopped that all together. I check his phone frequently. He used to be so negative and now he is a lot more positive. I know things have been hard on him but he really believes that we will get through it. I really wish there was a talk about marriage support group. There is so much I'd like to ask certain people. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Blue_eyes78 said:


> Even told her that the fact that they worked together and talked with each other *was disrespectful to me*.





Blue_eyes78 said:


> I know where my anxiety comes from. I have a feeling deep down that he will do it again.


Well, of course he will.

He can't even admit that he did anything wrong.

All he said was that it was being 'disrespectful.'

If he can't even admit that he was COMMITTING ADULTERY, of COURSE he will cheat again.


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## Dude007

id bet my 401k you will walk. I think the grief will force you to leave. The grief will always take you where you need to go and you are not in a good place. Sorry, it's hard to see your new life but that's the last stage of grief. No skipping allowed.


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## Blue_eyes78

I have been fighting against these feelings of leaving from day one of R. There is a lot that complicates things. Most importantly is the fact that my parents gave us property right behind them to build a house. If we divorce I won't be able to afford the house and it will need to be sold. My parents were very sad when we were going to get a divorce. They didn't want to see me and my children go only to have strangers living in their back yard. When I told them about H wanting to come back they basically said why not give it a try. That if he had changed it could be good again. They don't understand what he did to me. I don't think anyone can understand it unless they went through it. So I feel trapped. They see the positive changes. How can I now say I'm leaving. Makes me feel guilty and selfish when I think that. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007

It's about bravery my friend, it's always been about bravery. You know who all you have to confront and very scary causing anxiety to sky rocket. Your grief will take you there regardless. The joy on the other side will be awesome!


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## Blue_eyes78

Thank you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007

No problem, I'm here to help!


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## turnera

So what's your plan for when she comes back in 11 weeks?


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## Blue_eyes78

There is no plan. He tried to do something about it and was told that they can't get rid of her because he doesn't want to be around her. He doesn't have any verbal contact with her. I just have to deal with it.

It is really hard. Especially when he bought another burner phone after he moved out and gave her the number so she could call him so he could talk to her about their relationship. He said he didn't want to get with her, just that he wanted to talk to her and see if she was just playing him or if she really had interest in him. He said he needed a confidence boost. She never took him up on it. After that he found out I was seeing someone and then wanted me back. I feel like plan B. Who knows what would have happened if she had talked to him. Oh and he tried talking with her after being told that if they had contact again he would lose his job. It's all disturbing. I'm supposed to trust that he really wants me and our family now. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Ok, so you can't make HER leave. What can you do about your HUSBAND? Is he consistently attending IC and MC to figure out how to keep this from happening again? Is he telling you where he is 24/7? Did he put a GPS on his phone so you could track where he is? Did he tell your folsk what he did and apologize to them for hurting you? You _said_ he's doing everything, but I'd feel better for you if I could hear exactly what that means.


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## Blue_eyes78

He is attending IC and MC regularly. He wrote a letter to my family apologizing. He gives me complete access to all of his electronics and online accounts. He has a gps in his phone. He tells me where he is at all times. Even let's me know if he needs to stop and get gas on the way home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dude007

And who wants to live like that..


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## McDean

Dude007 said:


> And who wants to live like that..


Agree with Dude007 - while his transparency is a good first step to rebuilding some trust, it's pretty extreme and most likely not sustainable long term.

It's evident you don't want him out of the picture yet but are uncomfortable with as well...for your own sanity you want to choose one and let it unfold!


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