# found out and trying to figure out how to bring up the subject



## melis38 (Sep 1, 2017)

ok, so I know what everyone has said before about my history and believe WH is a serial cheater. I am not going to say your wrong and I know you are probably right. that even though things are good now, I worry about the 2 years from now. But I would like your thoughts on this and once again I know I did everything the wrong way...
So even though I know the history with WH and what he has done, I still feel compelled to look into things and snoop. I downloaded dr.fone to his old phone and found nothing. however, I left evidence of it on the computer. he got upset because I told him I wouldn't snoop after I found out about his last "mistake " texting a girl with an anonymous app and I'm pretty sure if she texted him back he would have met her.
So during this time I had access to his old phone and could see his current history, emails and facebook messages. 
however, since he found I used dr. fone, he has changed his Google password and found the old phone and did a factory reset. Now I know this looks suspicious, but is it my fault for saying I wouldn't snoop in the heat of the moment? and that is the reason he changed them....or is he going to be up to something. Right now my gut tells me he wouldn't do anything again so soon...if we follow the pattern....but if he has nothing to hide why change these??


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

You have every right to snoop. Just lay low for a while and be very observant. If he does it again, he'll slip and you'll find out. Just no more chances if you find 100% proof he's talking to other women.

I'd demand access to all his passwords if it were me. He has no right to privacy after show he's capable of lying and being deceitful.

Are you in love with this guy or feel stuck? Maybe it's time for you to talk to other guys and see if he likes it?


----------



## melis38 (Sep 1, 2017)

I think that is what I am going to do, just stay low and pay attention. I have come out of my shell and have started to demand respect from him. I do love him, but as I told him ...love shouldn't hurt so much. as for demanding his passwords...i don't know why I haven't. maybe it's because I have always had access to them, something I think he forgot about that was until I slipped up and left something on the computer.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Here's the things......

1) once a cheater, always a cheater

2) all cheaters are liars

3) all cheaters get pissed off if you "snoop". But, reason for that is they want to be able to hide.



melis38 said:


> Right now my gut tells me he wouldn't do anything again so soon...if we follow the pattern....


4) all malefactors "escalate" with time. All. Serial killers, bank robbers, all. The dormant time between "jobs" gets shorter and shorter. That's "the pattern".



melis38 said:


> is it my fault for saying I wouldn't snoop in the heat of the moment?


5) with adulterers, NOTHING is "your fault". NOTHING. Adulterers commit adultery, and that is the reason why. It is THEIR CHOICE. They choose it because it
feels good. No other reason. Just like all other malefactors. They WANT TO. It's not because anyone else does anything, or doesn't do anything.



melis38 said:


> if he has nothing to hide why change these??


My wife knows all my passwords. I leave them for her in a list in case she forgets, like I do (and that's one reason why I have the list) - she can see everything.
I have nothing to hide from her, because I am not a malefactor. I have never cheated on any of my wives in a total of 31 years of marriage, and I am not going to
start doing it. I don't keep secrets from my wife. She is my life's partner. I don't have anything to hide.

6) adulterers "change" passwords and install "keystroke monitors" because they are adulterers and have something to hide.


----------



## melis38 (Sep 1, 2017)

keystroke monitors what is that? I am just so tired of feeling the need to "snoop". Analyzing everything and then feeling guilt because I am finding nothing new. however, being able to lool at his Google history on his phone every now and then was like a security blanket for me, because he didn't know I could do it and therefore wouldn't erase anything. it felt good when I saw he was looking up ways to earn my trust back. like he was really thinking about it and wanted it. Now that security blanket is gone and I feel a little lost. having to trust just my gut again. Again I am not really worried about now or even this month or next....its more in the year to come and the year after that. I looked at him the other day, we were enjoying each other and laughing. I just looked at him and started crying and all I could say was that I wish I could trust you. Why do WS make it so darn difficult? I absolutely hate every single part of this as I know most people do...


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

The cheater has no right to get angry and offended over the betrayed spouse doing some snooping. They should be a willing open book with any and all accounts. You have every right to look at whatever you need to in order to help you heal and start to regain trust. I would take his actions regarding this as him not being willing to be transparent, therefore not completely serious about this reconciliation. 

By the way, NO MAN IS WORTH THIS CRAP.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

He should be interested in giving you all the "security blanket" that he can. After all, it is a husband's No. 1 job to make his wife feel as secure as possible.



melis38 said:


> all I could say was that I wish I could trust you.


We who have been the victim of the WS understand that fully. But you can't "trust" until over time, and I mean years of it, you have had transparency.


----------



## melis38 (Sep 1, 2017)

I know you are right.....maybe I'll bring it up at MC today. is it bad of me though that I don't want him to know that I can see? that way what I find is more genuine.....


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

No, you don't want him to know what you can see. And go ahead and bring it up. His reaction will be telling. If he objects then goes and shuts you out of everything, I would suggest you call off the R and tell him he needs to get out.


----------

