# what do i do......crushed



## bec26 (May 29, 2009)

ok so here is my story

warning.....this will be long

my husband nd i have been together for 4 years married for 2
we have 3 kids 
Kayla 6yrs (mine from a previous relationship, doesnt know her real father has always considered damian her dad)
Paige 2yrs
Zoe 10mths
im 7wks pregnant with #4

we moved in with my mum in feb as we are building a house so we could save money.

damian and my mother have never gotten along 
anyway thing hit boiling point on the 16th may (saturday) and damian moved back into his mums place

he decided to go out drinking with his brother 
my birthday was the next day 17th may (sunday) 

anyway i was getting txts every hour or so from him telling me he loved me and missed me and to relax and he would have a special day planned for me the next day. he was supposed to be coming and staying back at my mums place for the night so we could spend my b.day together

anyway next thing i know i get a txt from him saying he was gonna stay at his mums and that we needed to talk...
i tried to call him but he kept hanging up on me

he sent me a fe more txts that didnt really make sense cuz he was soooo wasted
but they were along the lines of i dont think i love u anymore...been feeling this way for a while....if it wasnt for the kids i would have left already....

then he rang me at 3am and pretty much said he was done and he was sorry but he loves me but is no longer IN love with me....
he was sorry he did it on my b.day but cuz he was drunk he had the balls to do it and so on

i was/am crushed

he rang me again at about 4pm (17th) once he woke up
he didnt remember the phone convo...but remembers txting me

he said we needed to meet up to talk about it, so at about 730pm i went ot his mums and went to go out for dinner but i was a mess i couldnt barley breathe so we went and sat in the car and talked

he said he loves me and he just doesnt feel IN love
he said he doesnt feel much of anything cuz he works so hard and carries the complete financial load yadayadayada
(i carry the comlpete household and children load plus im studying)
damian is a work-a-holic and buries himself in work i have tired to get him more involved with the family and friends (inviting friends over for dinner and stuff)

we have started marriage counseling once a week and its gong well.

we have gone out for dinner together and its been nice too

he says he loves me and it hurts him that i am hurting but he thinks he needs to feel more than hat he does....

i am no longer head over heels IN love with him....but i love him because he is my husband the father of my kids and my partner....the counselor has said that i have made the transition from a new relationship kind of love to a mature love but damian has not....
that if he always wants that rush he will only go from relationship to relationship till those IN love feelings go.

damian said that he kind of understands that but still believes he should feel more than he does

he still txts me telling me he loves me calls me from work on his breaks 

when he comes and visits he kisses, cuddles and tells me he misses me initiates sex (which has always been great in our relationship)
he says its cus he always has been/is very attracted to me

he wants to work on things and move into our house (once its built (sometime b4 xmas)

we are going away to sydney for a night just the 2 of us on the 20th june (he suggested it)

he wants to do whatever it takes to fall in love with me again....but there is no garentee that he will

he says he has been feeling this way for a year but didnt say anything cuz he didnt want to hurt me and wanted to try and fix it by himself cuz it was his problem not mine

im trying to stay positive but i dunno whats gonna happen
the kids miss their daddy so so so much

i have good days and bad days some days i think it will all be fixed and we will be stronger cuz of all this then other days i feel there is no hope 

my heart is shattered

if it wasnt for me/our relationship damian would still be living at his mums place smoking pot n a dead end job with no hope and none of the things we have worked so hard together to achieve.

i always had to make him get up in the morning make him shower and brush his teeth.....he is working on doing that all himself while at his mums because he wants to 

i just dont know what to think/feel/do


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

I am in a very similar situation as you are. I think it's very hard to deal with someone who wants the IN love all the time. If you are together long enough there are bound to be some times that are not very exciting. Unless of course you are with someone who is unstable, but who wants that? 

Be patient and try and ride out the counseling. That is where I am at. We are going to be going to counseling starting next Wednesday. Do you best to stay true to yourself.


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## bec26 (May 29, 2009)

i know im trying to be patient and wait it out but im constantly hurting

we went out for lunch today and i asked if he was 100% committed to me...he said yes
but then he said if i wasnt u'd be the first to know

i hate all the ...buts with a negative after them


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## bec26 (May 29, 2009)

bec26 said:


> we went out for lunch today and i asked if he was 100% committed to me...he said yes
> but then he said if i wasnt u'd be the first to know


well that was bull****, he ended up having an affair for 3 months...behind my back, 
**** it


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## lucy mulholland (May 18, 2010)

Hang in there!


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