# Men with low sex drive



## struggle (May 13, 2013)

I have a friend who is dating a guy, she is in her early 30s and he's mid 30s. They have been dating for a few months now. They are "official" but are not yet in the saying "I love you" stage yet. She likes him and thinks he's a good guy but she's realized that he has a much lower sex drive than her. He doesn't always respond to her when she starts kissing him a bit, and now she's starting to get a little insecure and won't get it until he wants it. 

He has said something about that he used to have a higher sex drive but it's been low. But that's it. He's left her high and dry quite a few times too. He's not on medication but he did get a year of counseling for PTSD after his year in Afghanistan quite a few years ago.

She's starting to get a little desperate and was wondering if maybe it was HER. Which I quickly told her no, it wasn't her.
She's really sexual, so now I'm getting concerned about her being in a relationship with someone that doesn't have a matching sex drive.
We were talking about the ways she could bring it up to him. And it all sounds awkward, but she has to do it.
She's actually going to do a test run this weekend to see how he reacts, she's going to let her freak out and see if he responds, or rejects her.

Have any of you ladies been with men that have way lower sex drives than you? Did it get better or never change?
Also any men can jump in if they're reading
I've never dealt with something like that, so I don't have direct knowledge, but I do know that in the end she will end up frustrated if it doesn't change
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

She's in for a lifetime of hurt and frustration. Plus, at 6 months, if she just "likes" him, she doesn't really seem that into him. She should get out now and find someone who makes her go "OMG!"

Her sex drive will likely increase over the next decade. His sex drive peaked a long time ago. Things will not magically get better.

Speaking as a guy, btw...

C


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

She has no way of really knowing if his sex drive _was_ in fact any different before his deployment and subsequent PTSD, and how things are now could well be the best they are ever going to be.

I was in a virtually sexless marriage for 6 years and it impacted on my mental health very badly, and your friend is already asking herself the question "Is it me...?" She needs to think carefully about continuing in a relationship that has the potential to rob of her of her confidence, self-esteem and leave her depressed and chronically frustrated.


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

PBear said:


> She's in for a lifetime of hurt and frustration. Plus, at 6 months, if she just "likes" him, she doesn't really seem that into him. She should get out now and find someone who makes her go "OMG!"
> 
> Her sex drive will likely increase over the next decade. His sex drive peaked a long time ago. Things will not magically get better.
> 
> ...


This is what I was thinking, because they should really be at their "best" right now considering it's a new relationship and it should be exciting and passionate. 
So I guess her telling him she wants more sex won't make a difference because it's not HIM...?
She's confused because she's never had this issue before, ever. Her last bf was an amazing lover but he was a total lost cause, so I think shes clinging to hope with this one because he so far is a great guy. She does need to see him for who he is......the whole package
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> She has no way of really knowing if his sex drive _was_ in fact any different before his deployment and subsequent PTSD, and how things are now could well be the best they are ever going to be.
> 
> I was in a virtually sexless marriage for 6 years and it impacted on my mental health very badly, and your friend is already asking herself the question "Is it me...?" She needs to think carefully about continuing in a relationship that has the potential to rob of her of her confidence, self-esteem and leave her depressed and chronically frustrated.


She's already started asking these questions! You're so right. I had to tell her ITS NOT YOU! You're beautiful, sexy and there's no reason he should NOT want to rip all your clothes off after not seeing you all week (it's a long distance relationship btw, they only see each other on weekends, which makes it even more strange).
Yes and there is no way of knowing what caused his low sex drive, he doesn't really have a reason. I think she's just trying to come up with a reason WHY in her head.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It could be a mismatch o drives but ultimately it's going to be up to her to discuss this with him since it is their relationship. It may change. It may not.


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## 312cpl (Jan 27, 2014)

my first marriage was a big mismatch.
she was very vanilla and insecure. 
Anytime I'd try to introduce something different, 
she'd ask where did I learn that. Some girl or porn.

my current wife of four years is awesome.
no more vanilla sex and she loves to stretch me sexually and as a better person. We are both very oral and both givers. 
It is an awesome marriage when we aren't arguing! 

my wife knew I came from a vanilla past.
she held my hand bringing me into a deeper more enjoyable sex life. Of course, I was a very willing student. You didn't have to twist my arm too much.

Maybe he had a vanilla sex life and feels he may disappoint you. Maybe he feels you have higher sexual expectations than he can provide? 
My first lesson was to communicate out loud during sex. 
I was always quiet before that, with music in the background.
Now, my wife can't shut me up during sex.
It makes it a lot easier to hear the other person enjoy what your doing with them.

Good Luck


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I have a higher drive than almost every partner I've ever had.

I've also been in a sexless marriage, and have known lots of highly sexual women who have ended up sexless because the men they were with just weren't that sexual.

When a highly sexual woman encounters a less sexual man, it is odd to her and she doesn't quite "get it" because we are conditioned to think that "all men want sex all the time".

Now that I've seen less sexual men several times in my life (my own relationships and others)...I know that it shouldn't be assumed that men are always wanting sex.

Your friend should run.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

After being in a 20 year marriage with a very LD husband, I say she should for run for the hills. Trust me, if their sex drives are truly not in sync, she is setting herself up for a world of misery.

I am in a happy relationship now with the love of my life. There ARE people out there that will be way more compatible than this guy. Plus this is still the "honeymoon phase" and they are only still telling each other they Like, not Love, each other? Something is off here.


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## lookinforhelpandhope (Apr 10, 2013)

I also vote run for this hills!

Honestly, after 6 months if her feeling for him aren't stronger that's a bit of a red flag anyway.

Also, I had my marriage torn apart by PTSD. Please tell your friend to tread carefully in that respect. 1 year isn't that much time and it's very possible there are a lot of other underlying issues.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Hold on. There are a lot of people saying "RUN!" right away, and I'm honestly surprised that no one said one thing: testosterone. Hello? :scratchhead:
1. She said he had a higher drive, but now is low. How low is low? How long has it been low? And when did he notice the drop?

2. Has he ever been CHECKED for low T? I'm not saying OP should ask, obviously, but the friend could. And yes, even in mid-30s, it could be due to low T. Seriously, I am shocked that no one thought to bring that up before suggesting that she run for the hills. 

If he's willing to get it checked, and to fix it if it can be fixed, WHY would "run!" be the first suggestion made??? *smh*


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

This is a common complaint among my female clientele. This morning one told me she hasn't been shagged in over a year and wanted to know what she could besides divorce.

Basically, testosterone is what provides the basic sex drive. Take it away, no sex, raise it enough, sex all the time. Like pro athletes on steroids (artificial test). This is why they make a big deal at every olympic games about all the rubbers they have to deliver to the olympic village. 

Male testosterone peaks at age 25 and slowly tapers down before typical starting a more rapid slide at age 35. Then it falls off a cliff about 50.

Have him get his testosterone worked up. No matter what the number is, the doctor will probably tell him he's "normal." That number needs to be at least 800, according to numerous resources. If he won't go get it looked at, say "adios," because it's only going to get worse.


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## Depth.Inside (Jul 5, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Hold on. There are a lot of people saying "RUN!" right away, and I'm honestly surprised that no one said one thing: testosterone. Hello? :scratchhead:
> 1. She said he had a higher drive, but now is low. How low is low? How long has it been low? And when did he notice the drop?
> 
> 2. Has he ever been CHECKED for low T? I'm not saying OP should ask, obviously, but the friend could. And yes, even in mid-30s, it could be due to low T. Seriously, I am shocked that no one thought to bring that up before suggesting that she run for the hills.
> ...


Testosterone can be a problem but not always. I have ALWAYS had a healthy sex drive and everything "worked" with no issues, ever. 

I would have never guessed I had low T. I told my doctor I was always tired and he decided to test me. Come to find out I had Low T. Again, it affected my overall feel, etc.... however, it did not impact my sex drive or ability to have sex multiple times in the same day. I am now on the T rebound and it has helped with energy levels but the sexual nature of things has changed very little...

Not saying that cant be it but it is not necessarily the problem. 

If he feels sluggish, etc. it would definitely be worth checking out. However, how do you approach a guy you’ve been dating for six months with the suggestion that he is low T? That is another challenge. Guys are VERY guarded about this stuff and will act 10' tall and bullet proof when talking about manhood.

Just FYI, I wouldnt suggest running for the hills. If she really likes this guy cover all bases before deciding it isnt going to work.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

My ex used to tell me about how randy he was back in the day, too. Surprisingly though, I never met an ex of his who DIDN'T break up with him over the lack of sex. Never met one of his military buddies that told me what ladykillers they were back in the day. It just didn't add up. Ultimately, it was the biggest factor in ending our marriage.

Now that I've transitioned into the dating world, it's simple. A man that won't put out--no matter what a "good guy" he is--is useless. Move on to the next. Especially when you're talking about a total investment of two dozen dates. 

Sure, maybe he's sick. Maybe he has PTSD. Maybe he's low T. Frankly, it's not her problem to fix, particularly given her seeming ambivalence about him, the long distance relationship and the relatively short time invested so far.

Friendzone his a$$ and move on to the next lucky contestant.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Hold on. There are a lot of people saying "RUN!" right away, and I'm honestly surprised that no one said one thing: testosterone. Hello? :scratchhead:
> 1. She said he had a higher drive, but now is low. How low is low? How long has it been low? And when did he notice the drop?
> 
> 2. Has he ever been CHECKED for low T? I'm not saying OP should ask, obviously, but the friend could. And yes, even in mid-30s, it could be due to low T. Seriously, I am shocked that no one thought to bring that up before suggesting that she run for the hills.
> ...


If they were married, I would have said that.

But they've only been dating 6 months.

IMO, it isn't nice to try to change people or manage their health for them and THEN if they "get better" then you will stay with them.

Instead, when you are dating, IMO you should accept the person as they are and decide if that is what you want out of a relationship.

So because of that, IMO it doesn't matter "why" he is LD.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

+1 on what these last posters said. Trying to mold someone into an acceptable partner is a fool's game, IMHO. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

COGypsy said:


> My ex used to tell me about how randy he was back in the day, too. Surprisingly though, I never met an ex of his who DIDN'T break up with him over the lack of sex. Never met one of his military buddies that told me what ladykillers they were back in the day. It just didn't add up. Ultimately, it was the biggest factor in ending our marriage.
> 
> Now that I've transitioned into the dating world, it's simple. A man that won't put out--no matter what a "good guy" he is--is useless. Move on to the next. Especially when you're talking about a total investment of two dozen dates.
> 
> ...


The final four years of my marriage were sexless. Getting out into the dating world myself, I was not going to deal with a woman who wouldn't put out, and I didn't see it as my job to "fix" them.

What I ended up finding is a woman who loves me very deeply and consistently shows me in word and action, and wants a whole bunch of sex with me all the time.


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## KFS (Nov 4, 2012)

He will not change.

I am an HD woman married for 32 years to an LD man who I dearly love, but the frustration and disappointment through the years because of this issue has been immense. If your friend is not "crazy in love" with this person I would not get any further involved. From my own experience, even where deep love is involved, it is very hard for a person to change into something they are not. I think that a compromise can be reached if both partners are committed and willing, but again, it is most unlikely you can ever bring an LD person up to an HD wavelength.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Wow...I'm sorry, but I think that if she really does like this guy, having him get checked is for his HEALTH, not to just "mold him" to what she wants. If he doesn't want to get it checked, then yea, I'd say end it. But if there is something that HE can do to fix HIMSELF, and it would carry over to another relationship, even if they split anyway, I really don't understand why it wouldn't be brought up... they are, from what the OP said, exclusive. Yea, maybe it's not low T. I still think it's worth exploring rather than dumping him because he SEEMINGLY won't "put out"


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It wouldn't hurt for her to try...but I've been in some similar positions when dating, and really, it never goes well. Something like "you're not my wife or my mommy" might be his response, which IMO, would be a valid response. If she's willing to try, she should. Most us were giving our opinion of what we would do, and the specific question about if we've had experience with LD men.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Here's my take on that as well. My husband is 32. He has low T. If, God forbid, something were to happen to him and I were to reenter the dating pool, and I was dating someone of similar age, I guarantee that would come up IF low drive was brought up in conversation, which the OP has said it has been. He, himself, admitted that it has gone down. And, what would I do? I would suggest getting tested for low T, at least to rule it out. This is my own experience with a man whose drive was MUCH higher then dropped within the last year. It turned out that his T was in the low-mid 100s. And, if the guy's reaction is as you suggest it might be, FW, then she's wiser for it and can move on. If she's not willing to try, that also her choice. But, as you say, the question was asked "What would we do?"... That's what I would do... ask if he has been checked for low T.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

struggle said:


> I have a friend who is dating a guy, she is in her early 30s and he's mid 30s. They have been dating for a few months now. They are "official" but are not yet in the saying "I love you" stage yet. She likes him and thinks he's a good guy but she's realized that he has a much lower sex drive than her. He doesn't always respond to her when she starts kissing him a bit, and now she's starting to get a little insecure and won't get it until he wants it.
> 
> He has said something about that he used to have a higher sex drive but it's been low. But that's it. He's left her high and dry quite a few times too. He's not on medication but he did get a year of counseling for PTSD after his year in Afghanistan quite a few years ago.
> 
> ...


struggle, can you give us a hint of what HD and LD means in their case? How often does she want sex and how often do they.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

She could mention it to him, and it could go either way. It wouldn't hurt to try. She'll also know more about their compatibility when she "lets her freak out". 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Thundarr said:


> struggle, can you give us a hint of what HD and LD means in their case? How often does she want sex and how often do they.


And can you post some pics or video from this weekend? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Wow, you guys act like the guy is a serial killer or something. 

He currently has a lower sex drive than she does. They may not be a match over the long term but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the guy.

I do think that OP might want to consider moving on. I'm a fairly HD guy in a sexless marriage with an LD woman and it is no picnic.


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## sexless1970 (Feb 7, 2014)

My husband of 21 years has a low sex drive and it has gotten worse over the last 3 years since he has had chemo for stage 2 lung cancer. Slowly we have been talking about our lack of a sex life. He has said he just doesn't have much of a sex drive since chemo. Many, many years ago he went to our primary care doctor and supposedly the doctor did blood work and said everything was fine. I'm thinking now I should go with him to the doctor about this and ask if they can see if he has low T. Over the last few years communication has also been a struggle so to talk about our lack of our sex life is also a struggle.

I have a separate GYN doctor and wonder if we should go talk to her about testing for low Tor should it be his primary care doctor who has misdiagnosed him twice already and I'd like him to switch primary care doctor.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

No, not in the beginning  after 20+ years of marriage it get's harder to get super excited. We still have sex 1-3 times a week, but between life, kids, jobs, it's just not super high on the priority list like it was before.

I'm on TRT therapy and it has made very little difference for all of the people that love to hop on the TRT bandwagon.

I sometimes get fearful of the future......and wonder what will happen 10 years from now....lol.

The guys I know in there 55+ all say "Just wait and see you aints seen nothing yet!!" 

Now, I know all the guys here that age have sex 3x a day, but out in the world of the normal it seems:

AGE + LONG MARRIAGE = NOT TOO MUCH SEX OR DESIRE!!


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> If they were married, I would have said that.
> 
> But they've only been dating 6 months.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Run. He needs to fix his issues before he gets in a relationship. She shouldn't have to push him to fix it.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

COGypsy said:


> My ex used to tell me about how randy he was back in the day, too. Surprisingly though, I never met an ex of his who DIDN'T break up with him over the lack of sex. Never met one of his military buddies that told me what ladykillers they were back in the day. It just didn't add up. Ultimately, it was the biggest factor in ending our marriage.
> 
> Now that I've transitioned into the dating world, it's simple. A man that won't put out--no matter what a "good guy" he is--is useless. Move on to the next. Especially when you're talking about a total investment of two dozen dates.
> 
> ...


Lol :iagree:

If he wanted to 'fix' it, he'd be looking into all that himself, but it doesn't sound like he wants to, and what is the one thing everybody will constantly tell you before you get married...

DON'T stay with someone if you need to 'change' them to be happy with them.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

Im married to one! He is tired of leaving me hanging and disappointed. Thankfully he doesnt have to feel that way anymore, since im now questioning that im bisexual, and may actually be gay..


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

My husband had a low sex drive. He was also non communicative.

Your friends man is already mid 30's - so this may be about as good as it gets with him. Plus, factor in possible erectile dysfunction as he ages (speaking from experience). Your friends drive will only get higher especially when she hits the 40's (mine sure did). so the future is not looking rosy for the sexual side of their relationship already.

My husband has low t and is now on supplements. It took me a little while to convince him to go to the dr to even get tested, then he started getting ED so that was another sexual thing to deal with. I thought I'd never get laid :lolthank God for cialis). Lucky for me my husband ponied up when my drive went into overdrive).

If I was your friend I would get out now. A lifetime of rejection, unsatisfied desires, mismatched drives, unfulfilled 'rainchecks' and general unhappiness will be her lot in life.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *FizzBomb said*: *Your friends man is already mid 30's - so this may be about as good as it gets with him. Plus, factor in possible erectile dysfunction as he ages (speaking from experience). Your friends drive will only get higher especially when she hits the 40's (mine sure did). so the future is not looking rosy for the sexual side of their relationship already*.


This is one of the reasons I think women who go after older men are NUTS... cause his sex drive is going to TANK when she feels she is just getting started.. my H didn't hesitate at all when I wanted him to get his Test checked.. he was Ok.. just the lower side of normal (age 45) and I suddenly wanted sex like 3 times a day....it was unrelenting.. ..I felt soooo GOOOOD ~ IF I was getting laid...Or I'd get really moody....( I suddenly understood why young men act the way they do..I had a new appreciation for any High Test person...WOW, were my eyes opened suddenly !!)...

My H couldn't give me what I wanted as often as I wanted it...I would have killed for him to be young again.......but his attitude in dealing with me...what a TROOPER... couldn't ask for more...even wearing him out, he still told me to come to him and put my toys away....and thank God for some Viagra [email protected]#$%...

I had to calm my jets, had he rejected me and treated me like He didn't want me/ I was a burden... I swear it would have destroyed us.. 

I needed what I needed.. the intensity was one of the strongest things I ever felt....If sexual intimacy is very important to a person...whatever you do, don't compromise here...it may be less than 10% of the marriage, but when you feel rejected, not desired... this emotional hurt will build....suddenly this will feel like 90% of your marital issues...that's just how it works... 

At the very least buy this book... go through it....understand the needs of each other....








When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life 







...also *Exercises* in the back touching on "What I hope for in my Sexual relationship"...."Describing the Mismatch"..."The Cycle of misunderstanding"..."Reasons to stay, Reasons to leave"...




> *OhGeesh said*: The guys I know in there 55+ all say "Just wait and see you aints seen nothing yet!!"
> 
> Now, I know all the guys here that age have sex 3x a day, but out in the world of the normal it seems:
> 
> *AGE + LONG MARRIAGE = NOT TOO MUCH SEX OR DESIRE!*!


 I could be wrong... but I think my H has been revitalized by all the sex...he had his Test checked again last year and his number was higher than all 9 tests the years before...We've been together 32 yrs... he is still going pretty good at 50..(a 5 times a week man).... his desire is not what it was in his 20's/ 30's.. nor will he walk that way again ....mornings are his prime time....but his LUST for the emotional connection still drives him.....(I am so thankful for this!)......this inevitably leads to getting pumped up...

I feel this keeps us both feeling young .... they say...sex begets more sex..


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

SA, I've heard you talk before about your drive exploding in your 40's and always nod my head when reading b/c the exact same thing happened to me - it's wearing off a bit now unfortunately but still ok. I'm 47 and this all started about 4 or so years ago. My drive was always higher than my husbands but it honestly went berserk - that's the only way to describe it 

I could have done it 5 times a day I reckon - maybe more but had to be content with a lot less with a husband who had a low drive. When it all started we hadn't had sex for literally months - then everything changed nearly overnight.

I think women going for men much older than them are nuts too. If anything they should be looking for guys a bit younger. Ok I'll duck and run for cover now. :lol:

You just want a passionate, giving enthusiastic partner in the bedroom - is that too much to ask?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> This is one of the reasons I think women who go after older men are NUTS... cause his sex drive is going to TANK when she feels she is just getting started.. my H didn't hesitate at all when I wanted him to get his Test checked.. he was Ok.. just the lower side of normal (age 45) and I suddenly wanted sex like 3 times a day....it was unrelenting.. ..I felt soooo GOOOOD ~ IF I was getting laid...Or I'd get really moody....( I suddenly understood why young men act the way they do..I had a new appreciation for any High Test person...WOW, were my eyes opened suddenly !!)...
> 
> My H couldn't give me what I wanted as often as I wanted it...I would have killed for him to be young again.......but his attitude in dealing with me...what a TROOPER... couldn't ask for more...even wearing him out, he still told me to come to him and put my toys away....and thank God for some Viagra [email protected]#$%...
> 
> ...





FizzBomb said:


> SA, I've heard you talk before about your drive exploding in your 40's and always nod my head when reading b/c the exact same thing happened to me - it's wearing off a bit now unfortunately but still ok. I'm 47 and this all started about 4 or so years ago. My drive was always higher than my husbands but it honestly went berserk - that's the only way to describe it
> 
> I could have done it 5 times a day I reckon - maybe more but had to be content with a lot less with a husband who had a low drive. When it all started we hadn't had sex for literally months - then everything changed nearly overnight.
> 
> ...


Oh lord help me you two...my STBW is only 38 and right now is happy with about twice a day...I'm going to die...


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> > *FizzBomb said*: *Your friends man is already mid 30's - so this may be about as good as it gets with him. Plus, factor in possible erectile dysfunction as he ages (speaking from experience). Your friends drive will only get higher especially when she hits the 40's (mine sure did). so the future is not looking rosy for the sexual side of their relationship already*.
> 
> 
> This is one of the reasons I think women who go after older men are NUTS... cause his sex drive is going to TANK when she feels she is just getting started.. my H didn't hesitate at all when I wanted him to get his Test checked.. he was Ok.. just the lower side of normal (age 45) and I suddenly wanted sex like 3 times a day....it was unrelenting.. ..I felt soooo GOOOOD ~ IF I was getting laid...Or I'd get really moody....( I suddenly understood why young men act the way they do..I had a new appreciation for any High Test person...WOW, were my eyes opened suddenly !!)...
> ...


Awesome. Not only is my marriage sexless but at 46, if I leave then any woman in her sexually active years would be crazy to go after me. I'm doomed, lol. Oh well. Good thing me and my right hand have such a good relationship 

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I wonder how typical SA and FizzBomb's experience is. (I have no idea.)



I am fairly certain my wife did not experience an up tick in desire, except at about 5 years ago during her EA. At most it was up to twice a MONTH, from four times a year.




She is 51.



Perhaps, if she missed out, it was because our relationship was already broken. I won't go into that here, but seriously that could have inhibited her.



Just curious, FB, do you have many kids (if you don't mind me asking)?


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Oh lord help me you two...my STBW is only 38 and right now is happy with about twice a day...I'm going to die...







Yeah, but what a way to go!


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

PieceOfSky said:


> I wonder how typical SA and FizzBomb's experience is. (I have no idea.)
> 
> I am fairly certain my wife did not experience an up tick in desire, except at about 5 years ago during her EA. At most it was up to twice a MONTH, from four times a year.
> 
> ...


Hi Piece of Sky, I was actually going to abbreviate your handle but POS doesn't have the same cache :lol: sorry 

I have 2 children, a young teen and a tween.

I was ready to walk believe it or not when I was about 40 b/c we were hardly having sex at all. I told him that I just couldn't go on like that. Anyway he did try - we had it once that week and then ... that was it. Long dry spells intermixed. And when you have to ask tell your spouse to have sex with you, well. ......My drive just plummeted.

You can only take so much rejection, you know? It really does a number on you after a while. Even in the last couple of years, he's said to me 'I swear, that's all you think about' or give me a rain check then the next day when he walks through the front door from work he will loudly declare that he's really tired. So I asked him not to give me rain checks anymore b/c they never materialised. Anyway, after all that, things are a whole lot better - he puts in a lot more effort sexually now. More initiating mainly and hardly any knockbacks now.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

FizzBomb said:


> You can only take so much rejection, you know? It really does a number on you after a while.


Yes, indeed. Rejection is painful enough when it only occasionally happens. It just wears away a part of oneself when it becomes a way of life.



> Anyway, after all that, things are a whole lot better - he puts in a lot more effort sexually now. More initiating mainly and hardly any knockbacks now.


Glad it's better!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

struggle said:


> I have a friend who is dating a guy, she is in her early 30s and he's mid 30s. They have been dating for a few months now. They are "official" but are not yet in the saying "I love you" stage yet. She likes him and thinks he's a good guy but she's realized that he has a much lower sex drive than her. He doesn't always respond to her when she starts kissing him a bit, and now she's starting to get a little insecure and won't get it until he wants it.
> 
> He has said something about that he used to have a higher sex drive but it's been low. But that's it. He's left her high and dry quite a few times too. He's not on medication but he did get a year of counseling for PTSD after his year in Afghanistan quite a few years ago.
> 
> ...


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

PieceOfSky said:


> I wonder how typical SA and FizzBomb's experience is. (I have no idea.)
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I turn 50 this year. While I have spent the last several years on a very high dose of morphine for chronic pain, my drive started to spike at about 48. I don't know if hrt has anything to do with it but boy I wish I didn't live in a sexless marriage.


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## sjmoon (May 26, 2014)

hey "struggle"!

just read your initial post not anything after that....
so i might be jumping to conclusions....

been in the same situation. tell your friend to hold back for as long as it takes. and whatever it takes :smthumbup: tell her to not initiate, don't do anything until he comes around. and guys usually do. don't act like a sexual person for weeks if necessary. maybe he feels the need to conquer? maybe he is in some weird power game and he feels like he needs to decide when and where. leave him dry for a while!

gosh, guys are just plain weird! :scratchhead:


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