# Considering leaving husband 2010



## jasmine (Nov 9, 2009)

It has reached that point in my marriage where i just want to walk and never return. I regret not living with my husband before getting married. We had a long distance for a while and then marriage. Everyone back home thinks our relationship is so perfect but behind closed doors is so different. We clash with everything, he is not the same person i met those years ago. i feel so miserable.

I feel i have made the biggest mistake of my life and dont know how to move forward? I am the first child to be married and can not bare to face my family with it. As days go by i am slowly accepting this is not going to work. i spend most of the time in tears and i am so lonely. I have no one here apart from him and he lacks empathy. I am ready to make 2010 a new year, new start... i keep planning in my head over and over again how i need to do this. Leave this nightmare forever..

At the same time i so terrified.. but then what are you supposed to do when you are so unhappy?


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

If this is what you really want your family will understand, they would not want you to stay where you are not happy. You will find the strength when you decide that it's really over. 
Good Luck with your decision....


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

Jasmine, sorry to hear this. It seems to echo my own story.
I never lived with my wife prior to marrying her.
We had a long-distance courtship also.
Others think we have such a great marriage as well.
Not so.

On the other hand, I have stuck with my wife so far for 7 years.
And it's not because we have 3 kids together.
I *decided* (and that's all it is - a decision) to stay because not only do I love her, but my convictions compel me to see the best in her and have hope that she will mature, grow into the marriage and enjoy it more with time.

Now this is my own case - in no way do I expect that to be the same for anyone else. In fact, with your story, my first impression was that you have a good case for divorce, particularly as there are no children to complicate matters. But again, I'm sure this is not the full story.

What there needs to be is genuine communication between you.
Lay out all the hurt and feelings on the table - being vulnerable to him - and he to you. Otherwise, the resentment will just fester.

Seek counselling, suggest it to your husband, and if he doesn't agree to it, you go alone and get professional advice. Take the time to make the decision - hold off for now until your family are well informed of your hardships and are supportive in your plans, and be strong.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

I agree with Weathered. You two should embark on some serious, genuine conversation before calling it quits. You'd be surprised how revelations through open conversation can break down barriers that you both may have built up over time without even knowing it.

Sometimes people lose sight of the little things during the course of marriage, which creates a snowball affect that makes things that used to be simple impossible. I say declare your relationship a state of 9-1-1 and do everything in your power to make some kind of connection with each other to gain understanding. If that means cutting the cable off and taking time off from work so that you can bunker down and spend time or go wherever you need to go to focus on each other, then so be it. 

Also remember to speak without offending and listen without defending. A series of misunderstandings can do great harm to a relationship, and whatever arguments you may have are a mute point. It doesn't matter whose fault things are, you should bunker down and go into this like a mission to fix things, sort of like Congress coming up with solutions to fix the economy.

If you all have spiritual convictions, this would also be the time to pray and lean on faith, while also doing everything in your power to steer things in the right direction. Be patient and attack this problem with tenacity.


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## crossfire (Dec 26, 2009)

Sounds so familiar. My wife and I also courted for about a year....long distance.....before getting together. We did live together for 2yrs before getting married though. Been together for 10yrs, married for over 7yrs. We have 3 children together...all under the age of 7. Counseling came up in conversation but it never happened. I have much love for her, but she doesn't have it for me........not sure she ever really did (see my original post). I've accepted the fact that she wants a divorce. I don't like it, I don't want it, and I felt that if we both put a true effort....an honest compromise on BOTH sides, and of course.....faith and prayer. I've not been perfect. No one is. But, I've recognized my areas that needed improvement and changed those things. I've always been a devoted husband, faithful, never cheated, never hit or threatened her. But, the arguing (on both sides) didn't help matters any. Not showing her enough affection was one of my biggest blunders. You can "say it", but you must "show it" too......every day. I must say this ........coming from a man who does not want his wife to divorce him.......if you feel it is the best thing for you to do, if you've tried everything, if he is unwilling to try........you gotta' do what you gotta' do. For your own emotional and physical well-being. I believe in my wedding vows.......in good times and in bad, etc. I believe God does not approve a union breaking apart......one that He bonded together. But when one person is unwilling .....there is only so much you can do. You must do what is right for yourself but as mentioned others earlier.....be absolutely sure you've done all you can, be sure its what you REALLY want. If there is any love left in your heart for him, please reconsider the divorce option. If you know in your heart that love does not live there......you should leave. Best of luck to you. God Bless.


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