# Blindsided and heartbroken



## Shaken77 (Nov 15, 2020)

Hi, to all. Looking for others to help get me through the hardest time of my life.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Welcome to TAM and I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. Take your time in posting more. There are a lot of helpful people here who have a lot of good information that may be able to help you!


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## Shaken77 (Nov 15, 2020)

thank you for your words. My hubby of almost 14 years called me from Brazil to let me know he has been thinking of this but hasn’t had the heart. He wants to leave me and our two girls to move to Miami where he lived as a child. He has plans to start a new company and start making money... to live his dream out. He says I’m too jealous and he wants to be able to go and do what he wants when he wants. He knows he won’t be able to
Do what he wants without fights. If I take a minute to stop crying don’t worry I am balling again two minutes Later. Friday the 13th my gorgeous hubby broke my heart.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

What does he mean by too jealous? Why does he think he can't go do what he wants, when he wants without fights?


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## Shaken77 (Nov 15, 2020)

When I met my hubby we worked at same company he has been with since he was 15. A month after we married I stopped working to traveling with him while he worked. After our second child which is 9 yr old now we stopped gng with him and stayed at home w kids in school. My hubby grew up at a young age. He has lived hard and worked harder. He travels all over the world and the line of work means he surrounds himself with men that party go out and drink. We have seen so many coworkers loose their marriage to the job and the choices they make on the road. I agree I get jealous. But to have made a long distance marriage work all these years says something. He likes gng out with the guys his attraction is to the islands and the island life. Big boats. Beach and bars. I’ve struggled over the years with him in other countries and having faith he is doing what he is saying and I have never gotten used to it. When my hubby says from st Lucia he is gng to dinner and gets back 5-6 hours. Over and over this has been our struggle. He wants to go out.. go wherever and whenever. And I shouldn’t care.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I'm sorry you're going through this. Honestly, it seems like he has never been very invested in the marriage or your family. He shouldn't be able to walk away so easily from his marriage and especially from his children. It doesn't sound like he cared at all about protecting your marriage (with all the travel, bars, cheating friends, lifestyle, etc) or keeping you comfortable. 

He can walk away from his marriage and his family but do not let him walk away from his responsibilities. Get a lawyer and make sure he is responsible for child support, and probably alimony as well.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Any parent that's selfish enough to walk away from their children is someone you're better off without.

Get a lawyer and get child support. You can't for him to parent but your kids are entitled to his financial support.

I know it hurts but you're better off without him. He wants to ditch his kids and live where he grew up? Boo freaking hoo for him. I live 2000 miles away from where I grew up and i miss it, but I never considered moving because my kids have their father here, and I'd die before I abandoned them. That's what a parent does....they needed both of us.


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## Shaken77 (Nov 15, 2020)

I am thankful for your reply’s, I am feeling in denial as my hubby has not been effected. He has always said and made me feel like I was so jealous and insecure because of all that he has put me through. He truly believes that it’s okay and normal. My hubby normal works at exotic places do this has always added to it. Him living on a beach “for work”. Is a killer to know and live through. But I’ve done it. I sat at home sucked everything around our kids and have tried to get him to quit this job. But I knew after all these years that wouldn’t happen. He always said he has worked too hard and made too much money to just go quit and work at a normal job. I begged over the years but no He didn’t believe that he could be happy. Money rules in his head. Just breaks my heart to know I haven’t worked almost my whole adulthood now and now I need to start over without my love.


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