# Luxury Vacation or Marriage Blessing? Please weigh in!



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

My husband and I had a wedding that left me wanting more. We had something small because it was what we could afford and we just wanted to be husband and wife. :smthumbup:

I have made a lot of progress with my regrets. A wedding is not a marriage, although I still feel a bit sad when I see a bride. I am sure that this will eventually pass.

I was thinking of having a marriage blessing in a church for our fifth anniversary. I am not a Christian, but I still believe in God and I always wanted to marry in a church. I wanted to have all our family and friends, along with the reception I never got to have. I would wear a wedding dress, but have no attendants and refer to the ceremony as a "marriage blessing" and nothing else. 

My husband, God bless him, is willing to do this just to make me happy. Mr.G does not see the point since he is atheist and we are already married. He just feels bad about not being able to give me what I wanted. My parents would only help if I let them plan the wedding, which was not acceptable. My husband would much rather spend the money on a luxury tropical vacation. I love that idea too! :scratchhead:

What do *you* think?? Vacation or Marriage Blessing?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you are already planning on getting the marriage blessed in 5 yrs, I'd go with the vacation.

Ultimately though, it's up to you.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> My husband and I had a wedding that left me wanting more. We had something small because it was what we could afford and we just wanted to be husband and wife. :smthumbup:
> 
> I have made a lot of progress with my regrets. A wedding is not a marriage, although I still feel a bit sad when I see a bride. I am sure that this will eventually pass.
> 
> ...



I think that Unitarian Universalists welcome atheists. AND christians of all stripes. That may be a good church to think about. They accept many different views, so a ceremony to celebrate an existing marriage probably would not even cause anyone to blink.

In MY opinion, for what it is worth, it is in social poor taste to have this kind of thing. It basically (inadvertently no doubt) says to the guests, you were not good enough to come to the real thing, but we want you now to accommodate my desires / to bring gifts.

Life sucks and sometimes you don't get do overs. But until at least 25 years at a renewal of vows or some such, I personally think it is in poor taste.

Others may differ. So take this with a grain of salt.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I'm with Mom on this. Go for the vacation!

Also, most pastors will want you to go through counseling before they agree to officiate a wedding. A UCC/UU minister may be your only option if DH is an atheist. But I agree about the guests/gifts, it does seem socially awkward at only 5 years.

There must be some kind of win/win solution somewhere in all of this.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mom6547 said:


> Life sucks and sometimes you don't get do overs.


I like this quote. 

Mrs. G--I know you said you aren't Christian and want to get married in a church. Have you considered having a spiritual blessing instead of getting blessed at a church that you don't believe with what their ideology is?


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I'd definitely go on the vacation. I think you'll find if you go with the do over wedding that you'll be more stressed than happy. I agree with others that you can renew vows and have a beautiful party any time in the future. You have the love of your life within your arms, go on a beautiful vacation and enjoy every minute of it!


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I was NEVER planning on asking for gifts! 

Life apparently doesn't suck for everyone; I know more brides that had a real wedding, instead of the sad little thing our pockets would allow. My prom was messed up by a principal who didn't like me. Maybe I'm just not meant to enjoy special rites of passages like other people. It will never be my turn. 

It was beautiful for what it was, just not what I wanted. 

I'm leaning towards the vacation. I don't want to force my husband to participate in something that is supposed to be meaningful. It is lovely that he wants to make me happy, however, his wishes are important too. 

Ma (hubby's mother) told me that if we did something like that, she would not attend because we are already married. I would hate that since I love her much more than even my own mother; Ma has been much more supportive and kind.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I like this quote.
> 
> Mrs. G--I know you said you aren't Christian and want to get married in a church. Have you considered having a spiritual blessing instead of getting blessed at a church that you don't believe with what their ideology is?


I prefer my husband's religion; he was raised as a liberal Protestant in the United church. They have many similarities to Catholics, minus all the guilt and narrow minded outdated views on birth control. I love the way gays can get married and become ministers in the church. I also love the way ministers can marry. If we did do the marriage blessing, it would be in a United church.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> I was NEVER planning on asking for gifts!


A wedding or wedding like thing is a gift giving event. By social convention.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> I think that Unitarian Universalists welcome atheists. AND christians of all stripes. That may be a good church to think about. They accept many different views, so a ceremony to celebrate an existing marriage probably would not even cause anyone to blink.
> 
> In MY opinion, for what it is worth, it is in social poor taste to have this kind of thing. It basically (inadvertently no doubt) says to the guests, you were not good enough to come to the real thing, but we want you now to accommodate my desires / to bring gifts.
> 
> ...


I appreciate your polite candor. I like it when posters can disagree without resorting to insults or assumptions. :smthumbup:

Did you like _your _wedding, Mom6547?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mrs.G

People who live in big mansions may not have a happy life. 

People who have grand weddings may not end well. 

People who wear fancy clothes may have empty heart. 

People who drive bigs cars may run a huge debt. 

Please don't bring misery upon yourself. 

If you keep on dwelling on it, you are going to lose respect from others. 

What your Ma said is sending your signals. Make them respect you!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you decide on having a wedding, you can stipulate in the invitations "We request that you do not give us gifts" or something of that nature.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> I appreciate your polite candor. I like it when posters can disagree without resorting to insults or assumptions. :smthumbup:
> 
> Did you like _your _wedding, Mom6547?


I would never admit this to my husband. He went along with the big wedding when he would have preferred wearing sandals in a park somewhere. The tuxedo, the dress, the church, the lots of people. 

I wish I knew then what I knew now and had a wedding that was actually fun to be at instead of a show. 

The one nice outcome is that 2 other people got to have a pretty wedding dress because I let them use mine. I wish I had gone to the second hand shop and gotten a dress and gotten married at the park and a bbq.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> A wedding or wedding like thing is a gift giving event. By social convention.


I have only seen gifts given at actual weddings, not vow renewals or marriage blessings.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> I was NEVER planning on asking for gifts!
> 
> Life apparently doesn't suck for everyone; I know more brides that had a real wedding, instead of the sad little thing our pockets would allow. My prom was messed up by a principal who didn't like me. Maybe I'm just not meant to enjoy special rites of passages like other people. It will never be my turn.
> 
> It was beautiful for what it was, just not what I wanted.


My wife feels your pain! We were hit with an unplanned pregnancy about a year into the relationship, so we had very little time to do the wedding. We probably spent about 5k which was mostly facilities and catering, had LOTS of help from others, and about 100 or so guests. For the honeymoon we just took a long weekend at a timeshare in the mountains, using some points my parents had saved up. For me, it was just perfect, not too big and not too small, but I think both of us regret not having a _real_ honeymoon. She has told me before that she 'feels robbed' not getting her dream wedding/honeymoon, but it's just something we have to live with.

That said, I think that given the choice, the guy in the relationship will almost always choose to spend more on the vacation/honeymoon over the wedding.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Green makes some good points.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> I have only seen gifts given at actual weddings, not vow renewals or marriage blessings.


I got a lot of gifts and $ at my marriage blessing. That is why I think if you go with that, then stipulate that you don't want gifts in the invites


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mrs.G,

Things don't bring us real happiness. 

I really hope I can help you see that! 

I won't respect you less just because you want something, I want you to have inner peace.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Mrs.G
> 
> People who live in big mansions may not have a happy life.
> Of course!  I have not asked for a mansion, nor do I need one to be happy.
> ...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I am just trying to tell you some facts about people!

It is not about you!


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Mrs.G,
> 
> Things don't bring us real happiness.
> We all have different definitions of happiness. Some material things make me happy, but they are not the be all and end all. For example, I told my husband that my wedding set has to be very nice, because I was not getting my wedding; I needed to have at least SOME things that I dreamed of.
> ...


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I am just trying to tell you some facts about people!
> 
> It is not about you!


Okay, I understand now.  I will probably end up going with the vacation anyway. It would make both of us happy, not just one of us. It is only the first year, I will get over it. :smthumbup: The sadness lessens when I look at our beautiful pictures or our wedding video. It also goes away when I meet divorced ladies who had huge weddings. 

Greenie, you are so smart and wise. I like your advice.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I had a much more miserable childhood than you did. 

For many years I kept on asking myself why I was born in that family.

But then one day something dawned on me! That's my life, I was born in that family, that's what I could have. Other people had better parents, they had better things, they are luckier. I didn't have the luck to have what they had. 

I tried to look at what I had and what I have. 

I still have lots of good things in life. 

I have what others don't have. 

You have a lot of things others don't have.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I had a much more miserable childhood than you did. Really? Did anyone ever molest *you*? :rofl:
> 
> For many years I kept on asking myself why I was born in that family. I was born into my family to teach me lessons about life.
> 
> ...


True. I have a loving husband, a job I love and great friends. :smthumbup:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok this thread is making me want to go on vacation now....


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> Okay, I understand now.  I will probably end up going with the vacation anyway. It would make both of us happy, not just one of us. It is only the first year, I will get over it. :smthumbup: The sadness lessens when I look at our beautiful pictures or our wedding video. It also goes away when I meet divorced ladies who had huge weddings.
> 
> Greenie, you are so smart and wise. I like your advice.


That will make your husband very happy! 

He wants to make you happy! 

When he sees that you are sacrificing your happiness for his happiness, he will appreciate and love you even more! 

Love builds up this way!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I was never molested!

But I had a father who I didn't even dare to call when I met him on the street. 

Emotionally I was really shut down! 

I don't want to talk much about my family!

It is only pain!


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> That will make your husband very happy!
> 
> He wants to make you happy!
> 
> ...


A luxury vacation would still be a lot of fun. :smthumbup: Not much of a sacrifice as it is a compromise.

I no longer discuss this issue with Mr.G; I hate to see the pain in his eyes. He says: "I feel so bad that you didn't get what you want, because we couldn't afford it." No need to heap negativity on the poor man and remind him that he lost his job right when we got engaged. 

I love all your posts.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Ok this thread is making me want to go on vacation now....


Sorry if I upset you. I was merely speaking to the fact that Green said her childhood was "much worse than mine." Few things are worse than being molested, which I was for a year when I was seven. I have forgiven the person that did that; he has lupus now and lost his father.

Did you like your wedding, Jellybeans?


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I was never molested!
> 
> But I had a father who I didn't even dare to call when I met him on the street.
> 
> ...


I agree. What is the sense in dredging things up? I only mentioned the sexual abuse, to show that my life was not as easy as you might think.

My story has a happy ending; I married a nice man and I have almost gotten over my issues. Not yet, but soon.:smthumbup:


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Luxury vacation.... including a romantic evening where the Maitre D' thinks you are celebrating a very important anniversary. You get absolutely beautifulled up. (I love making up words.) Princess for an evening. If not the same.... maybe fun. Get your hair and makeup professional done.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> I no longer discuss this issue with Mr.G; I hate to see the pain in his eyes. He says: "I feel so bad that you didn't get what you want, because we couldn't afford it." No need to heap negativity on the poor man and remind him that he lost his job right when we got engaged.


Do you know what my husband would tell me if I tell him that I didn't get what I wanted. 

He will just tell me to " Shut up" ! 

:rofl:

We have built our sweet life together!

You and Mr.G will build a sweet life together! 

And that's much more important! That's the goal you should focus on!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> You would have loved my wedding then. Here is a lovely picture of the setting...
> 
> 
> Bernadette & Kyle's Wedding Day
> ...


Beautiful! Is that you? If so I am concerned about your privacy on the internet.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> I can't give my dress away; my hubby bought it for me and he would be offended.


Hey, in this area your husband and my husband are the same! 

I like to give things away. 

But I never dare to give away what he bought for me! He warns me every time when I want to give things away. He said he will never buy anything for me anymore if I give away what he buys for me! 

I want him to buy things for me! So I don't give away what he bought for me! So obedient!


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Do you know what my husband would tell me if I tell him that I didn't get what I wanted.
> 
> He will just tell me to " Shut up" !
> 
> ...


Your husband is gangster. :smthumbup: I hope that he doesn't tell you to shut up whenever you have an issue.

We are slowly building a nice life...it will take seven years for us to finally buy a condo.  I will be nearly 40 when I own a home; much too late in life.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Hey, in this area your husband and my husband are the same!
> 
> I like to give things away.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I know some women who give their sisters or cousins jewellery their husbands bought them.  That is so mean and ungrateful. My husband is too sharp to miss anything he gives me. He runs after me with my wedding rings if I do not have them on: "I spent a lot of money to show the world that you are my wife. Wear your rings please!"


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Hey, in this area your husband and my husband are the same!
> 
> I like to give things away.
> 
> ...


How can he buy things for you? Is the money his? We share money. The whole give things thing never made sense to me. Things are just things. But obviously not every one feels that way. IIRC gifts is one of the love languages.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> Your husband is gangster. :smthumbup: I hope that he doesn't tell you to shut up whenever you have an issue.
> 
> We are slowly building a nice life...it will take seven years for us to finally buy a condo.  I will be nearly 40 when I own a home; much too late in life.


Real problems he is always very sympathetic. 

But he doesn't allow whining and self-pity. He just tells me he doesn't like women who are like that. 

You live in a big city, so buying a place is more difficult! 

Vancouver is the only place which I don't find too cold. But I can never think of living there. Your city is even more expensive, isn't it?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> Yeah, I know some women who give their sisters or cousins jewellery their husbands bought them.  That is so mean and ungrateful.


Slow down there Mrs G.... You got annoyed when you thought GP was judging you for wanting a wedding. Now you are judging others (by pure accident me) harshly for not valuing stuff. I actually LOST my wedding and engagement rings, both family heirlooms. I am now wearing a piece of **** ring from the jewelry cart at the mall. I have never once been able to fail to lose a piece of jewelry. It just is not me.

If SH were to buy something for me that I did not wear, he would be the first one to tell me to get rid of it so it did not clutter up our lives with stuff.

Different strokes.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I responded to your other post before. But I let me weigh in again, I completely understand where you are coming from.

However are you still looking at wedding magazines? I know we had to compromise on a few things since we were paying 100% for the wedding and I didn't want to spend 30K+ even though we could scrape that money together.
The reason I ask is because I know when I look at Martha Stewart etc. I sometimes want those things! I know it's silly... but I keep looking at those 10K dresses and weddings at estates and I wonder what it would be like.

So ask yourself- is this you who wants this or is it because you keep looking at things?
My one friend always wanted a "fairytale" and they spent 60k on their wedding, half the people never showed and they now owe 60k in loans, on top of bills such as mortgage and new baby. The guy works 2 jobs, and she works 1- they never see each other and they do't have anything saves. They couldn't even throw their 2 year old a B day party because they could not afford it.

What are your priorities.. and are you making this look better then it really would be? A normal reception, if you simply wanted something nice, with 100 people, DJ, photographer.. at least 15K+.

I say stop thinking about it, put money away and once you hit the 5 year mark you can decide how you would like to spend it!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> How can he buy things for you? Is the money his? We share money. The whole give things thing never made sense to me. Things are just things. But obviously not every one feels that way. IIRC gifts is one of the love languages.


Anniversary gifts we consider his gifts for me! 

And jewelry we consider his gifts for me! 

Whatever he wants to buy for me we consider his gifts for me! 

We share money too!

But we have our interesting rules!


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> How can he buy things for you? Is the money his? We share money. The whole give things thing never made sense to me. Things are just things. But obviously not every one feels that way. IIRC gifts is one of the love languages.


Mama, forgive my ignorance, but what does IIRC mean? :scratchhead:

He will buy me things with his money and I will do the same with my money. We share a lot, but not all. 

My main love language is Touch; gifts is a close second. 
His are Acts of Service, as well as Quality Time. Mr.G showers me with hugs and kisses, as well as buys lovely gifts. :smthumbup:

I give my husband gifts, spend time with him and try not to ignore him by being on the computer or on the phone; that is my husband's pet peeve. I'm surprised that an introvert needs so much undivided attention. I also make sure he has a good meal at night. 

My husband was not a cuddler until he met me; he came from a rather cold WASP family. Jamaican families are often very affectionate; albeit abusive.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Anniversary gifts we consider his gifts for me!
> 
> And jewelry we consider his gifts for me!
> 
> ...


Ah. We don't buy gifts for anniversary. We make plans to do something special together.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

bunny23 said:


> I responded to your other post before. But I let me weigh in again, I completely understand where you are coming from. Thanks babe.
> 
> However are you still looking at wedding magazines? I know we had to compromise on a few things since we were paying 100% for the wedding and I didn't want to spend 30K+ even though we could scrape that money together. I had to compromise on everything. I do not look at wedding magazines because they make me sad. Why torture myself?
> 
> ...


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> Mama, forgive my ignorance, but what does IIRC mean? :scratchhead:


If I recall correctly


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> Ah. We don't buy gifts for anniversary. We make plans to do something special together.


We only celebrate anniversary, my husband feels bad if we don't spend some money on me! 

We usually go to a fancy motel, have a nice meal in a good restaurant, he also gets to have a cup of expensive coffee. 

And the last, a lot of sex!


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> Slow down there Mrs G.... You got annoyed when you thought GP was judging you for wanting a wedding. Now you are judging others (by pure accident me) harshly for not valuing stuff. I actually LOST my wedding and engagement rings, both family heirlooms. I am now wearing a piece of **** ring from the jewelry cart at the mall. I have never once been able to fail to lose a piece of jewelry. It just is not me.
> 
> If SH were to buy something for me that I did not wear, he would be the first one to tell me to get rid of it so it did not clutter up our lives with stuff.
> 
> Different strokes.


It is more about respecting the husband by appreciating his gifts and not giving them away. The gift could have been a pair of socks; the idea is to appreciate the thought and not carelessly palm them off to someone else. That is very disrespectful.

It is sad that you lost your wedding jewellery.  Mine has a lot of sentimental value; I would be beside myself if I lost mine.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> We only celebrate anniversary, my husband feels bad if we don't spend some money on me!
> 
> We usually go to a fancy motel, have a nice meal in a good restaurant, he also gets to have a cup of expensive coffee.
> 
> And the last, a lot of sex!


We will do a weekend away or a piece of jewellery for me, but not both. The weekend would probably be at a resort, not a motel. 

Our first anniversary will be spent with his family. We are taking two days alone at a lovely inn, to have some private time. I would not feel comfy having sex in Mémé's house. If she ever caught us, we would be dead meat. 

My mémé, God bless her, is a very traditional woman. She talked to me about the importance of taking the surname because "every wife since the 1800's takes the G***** name. None of this feminist nonsense!" Good thing I wanted it.  Mémé also thinks that kissing is not proper. The woman has two kids, you'd think she would have kissed at some point. :rofl: Sometimes the old people are fussy. 

Dad, on the other hand, is the most comical man you will ever meet. He was watching scantly dressed women dance in the annual Carribean parade that is held every year. :rofl::rofl: Called my husband to ask if he was "watchin the fun." Dad also likes to sing sea shanties and drink rum. He would likely laugh and tease us if he caught us in bed.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> It is more about respecting the husband by appreciating his gifts and not giving them away. The gift could have been a pair of socks; the idea is to appreciate the thought and not carelessly palm them off to someone else. That is very disrespectful.


That is my point. It is very disrespectful TO YOU. It would not be disrespectful to me or my husband. Be aware of that before you cast asparagus on the disrespect of others!




> It is sad that you lost your wedding jewellery.  Mine has a lot of sentimental value; I would be beside myself if I lost mine.


I am less sad about the fact that it was my wedding ring. I only ever wore it for dress up occasions. Neither DH nor I attach a lot of sentimental value to things like that. I am sad that the wedding ring was my grandmothers, and I won't be able to offer to hand it down to one of my kids. And the engagement ring I guess did have sentimental value. DH bought it at a pawn shop. we did not have 2 nickels to rub together. So we went to pick my ring out from a pawn shop and give it another chance.

Well the marriage is fine. But I would bet a buck that the ring is at the bottom of our septic tank.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Real problems he is always very sympathetic. Good!
> 
> But he doesn't allow whining and self-pity. He just tells me he doesn't like women who are like that. I know you didn't mean to imply that I am a self pitying whiner. :smthumbup:
> 
> ...


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I like all the different perspectives!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I like the idea of a Unitarian Church -that accepts all faiths -for one- if your husband is willing to go along with a little ceremony of sorts. 

If it was ME ....and you are still struggling with missing out on the whole "wedding" thing, I would try to do both , but take a less expensive vacation afterwards so you can afford both celebrations. A luxurious vacation can always be had in the future. 

And like one poster mentioned, "no gifts please" - this is more about the "experience", a gathering of your friends & family. *Nothing wrong with doing something "different". People LOVE parties! If their is food, they will gather, If you add some booze, they may flock! * It will cost some money on your part to throw both of these together, but it will be VERY memorable and I feel you will get this "out of your system". Make sure to have a decent photographer , even if a good friend handy with an SLR & some video taping. Have Music ! 

Gift Declining Wording Ideas here >> 



> We wish to share our happiness with you, our family and friends. No gifts please.
> 
> The only gift you should bring is yourself.
> 
> ...


 I skimped on part of our Wedding Plan - My little story.....

Me & my husband are VERY frugal- and back then, both of us very shy, I did NOT like being the center of attention, but I felt in my heart if I didn't do a BIG wedding, I might regret it someday. That whole being envious of other Brides & their special day- so I decided to go ALL OUT , no skimping as we only live once! 

I spent 8 months & planned every blessed detail, I decorated the Hall SO MUCH the Firehall wanted pictures to put on their wall of our reception. I made a variety of take home favors, Ballons gallor -all types shapes sizes, colors, We had 400 guests, I got the best DJ around, a "wedding float" friends decorated for us -pulled by a truck for our whole party to ride on, I had 2 Photographers, we even had a pianst play in the church, I am surprised looking back that the Pastor allowed him to play Richard Marx (soft rock) tunes in the background. (He was a cool Pastor), he even cracked a joke about how detailed I was in the ceremony telling my husband he better be on his toes cause I don't miss a thing. 

So I spent all this $$ on my Wedding (I must mention I saved hundreds on my dress & choose a T-length gown), then what did we do, we drove 2 hours to our Honeymoon destination (I did little planning here), looked at the prices for the Hotel, turned around and walked out and drove home !!!! We literally SKIPPED our honeymoon! 

Looking back, this was purely rediculous, :scratchhead:We had the $$, we were just cheap! And I felt we short changed ourselves. I always felt bad about this, so I was determined to GO BACK there (same exact Hotel) & we did after we had 4 kids, so I got that "out of my system". 

Sometimes we just aren't thinking! :slap: But we can make up for these things we missed if we do a little "creative" planning.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

it's typically the husband who is in charge of honeymoon planning ... that would be hugely disappointing.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

nader said:


> it's typically the husband who is in charge of honeymoon planning ... that would be hugely disappointing.


 I do not blame my husband at all, it was me who felt the overnight stay was too steep. I am not at all up on what is traditional- or even typical for who to do what. 

We did everything out of the box - my dad did not even walk me down the isle, I had my husband meet me half way, kissed my hand & we walked back together , we even played some heavy metal at our reception - I even danced too it - probably looked like a fool but I had a da** good time, It was my day & I wanted a little of my type of music, even have a picture of my Aunt covering her ears . Ha ha 

My husband is NOT a planner, he always leaves these things purely up to me. Just one of those things I screwed up - had I had the internet at the time, the planning would have been superb, no surprises. We did at least spend much of the day in that area in a beautiful park & got some nice pics/memories. 

We also decorated the hall ourselves with some friends AND cleaned up the hall afterwards. Yes, the bride & the groom. And we paid for every dime except the food -which his parents picked up the tab-having a friend who was a caterer. 

I have no inkling what is typical or traditional, I just knew what I personally wanted & did it pretty much "my own way". I only regret MY tightwadness on the Honeymoon, nothing else, can only blame myself for that one!!


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

The husband plans the honeymoon?? No kidding... I got duped then!

I went "normal" on wedding (16k or so) and did a crazy honeymoon in Barcelona! Will never forget it.

Simply.. that sounds a bit romantic going back years later! I'm from a big family so we do 400ppl typically , but ended up with 140 or so. We did things a bit non traditional too.. I wore a mini! Our religious backgrounds are very different, but "strict" in that men marry couples. We had one of my close female friends do the ceremony with her female partner reading some things for us!

You have to do it your own way I say!


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I only spent about $10,000 for the wedding and honeymoon. Ahh, the joy of eloping-all that saved money! :smthumbup:

To focus on the positive, we both got to wear what we really wanted to. I found a lovely dress that was perfect for the setting and my husband was able to find a suit by his favorite designer. I loved the autumn leaves!

I want to go back to that same place on our second anniversary!:smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mrs.G said:


> I only spent about $10,000 for the wedding and honeymoon. Ahh, the joy of eloping-all that saved money! :smthumbup:


 I don't think one has to spend an arm & a leg for a darn good wedding & reception with ALOT of guests. We choose to do ours at a FIREHALL, this is SO MUCH CHEAPER than some grand restaurant that requires you pay $20 a plate (??) & you can not bring in outside decorations, props etc. 

We choose to have light beer only (bought that on sale)-no mixed drinks- friends played bartender for a night to hand it out, had a little set up. 

We decorated just how we wanted-as much as we wanted, can even get a little "wilder" in a firehall setting, they are much more LENIENT, we rented a large wishing well & some other things I can't remember now, I shopped around & compared prices. My entire day was paid for before we married. No bills in the mail. 


I know I spent 1/2 or more LESS than the average wedding /Receptions I attended who had less guests & a more controlled atmosphere -sometimes even directing you where to sit. Never cared for that. I got to choose everything I personally wanted individually and shop around for the best prices I could find.

Now a days with the net, you have even MORE Choices- compare shopping. I am simply amazed at some of the deals that can be had online....(example)....

My son lost his glasses last week, I was furious  thinking OH my lord, I am going to have to pay out of pocket over $170 or more to replace these things, I was NOT a happy MOM! -(as my insurance will not pay again for another year +) so online I went. I found Discount Prescription Eyeglasses and Sunglasses - 39DollarGlasses.com Sounded too good to be true, so I searched reviews, sounded legit, so I ordered. I paid less for the entire package of glasses ($43 with shipping!) than I would have paid for the polycarbonate lenses ALONE at the eye Docs office! They arrived 5 days later, son said they were better than what he had! HIGH quality- even the case was better & had a metal key chain tool for replacing the small scews. I can not tell you how impressed I was! I will write a shining review.

Take your time, plan something special, search out deals for each & every thing you want at your unique celebration-*IF* you decide to go for it. Get the phone book out, Make a list -call every hall in town, ask many questions, pay as you go, so the event will not be a burden financially.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Luxury vacation it is! :smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mrs.G said:


> Luxury vacation it is! :smthumbup:


Mr G will be very happy!


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> I prefer my husband's religion; he was raised as a liberal Protestant in the United church. They have many similarities to Catholics, minus all the guilt and narrow minded outdated views on birth control. I love the way gays can get married and become ministers in the church. I also love the way ministers can marry. If we did do the marriage blessing, it would be in a United church.


Hubby and I are both Protestant too. Hubby's british and most of them are Christian-Protestant and I was raised as a Catholic but always hated it but want to remain Christian so I chose to be a Protestant too and it really suits me


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