# When does an affair no longer count as an affair?



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

A different thread got me thinking about this question. When does an affair no longer be considered an affair? At what point does it become an actual relationship even if the BS's and their families don't like it? 

So let's say two married people start seeing each other on the down-low and begin an affair. Then let's say they either get caught and their respective BS's leave them or let's say they each leave their BS's and take up their relationship full time out in the open. 

At what point is it no longer an affair?

Is it when they formally say, "I split with thee" to their spouses and change their Facebook status to 'in a relationship' with the AP?

Is it when the final divorce decree is signed and the gavel comes down in court? 

Is it a relationship when they say it is a relationship even if they are still legally married to their original spouses? 

At what point can one no longer point the finger and say that they are cheating or that they are having an affair??

At what point does a relationship become a bona fide relationship if it started out as an affair?


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## dawnabon (Mar 11, 2017)

I think when both parties are legally single. Jmo. 

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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Some believe that once the BS knows, then it is accepted that it's an open marriage.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Almost everyone will have a different take on this.

For example, my father's marriage to his slore OW/now wife will never be legitimate to me, and I don't give a **** that they have a legal document that says otherwise.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

You can marry your AP, that doesn't change the stigma that it started as an affair. People will alwsys see your relationship as tainted because it is.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> A different thread got me thinking about this question. When does an affair no longer be considered an affair? At what point does it become an actual relationship even if the BS's and their families don't like it?
> 
> So let's say two married people start seeing each other on the down-low and begin an affair. Then let's say they either get caught and their respective BS's leave them or let's say they each leave their BS's and take up their relationship full time out in the open.
> 
> ...


When both are legally divorced and therefore single.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bibi1031 said:


> You can marry your AP, that doesn't change the stigma that it started as an affair. People will alwsys see your relationship as tainted because it is.


Trus, and relationships that began with cheating rarely last for obvious reasons.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I have only known one relationship borne out of cheating which lasted. Mind you, this particular instance was among the generation past. It was a first cousin of my Mom's. S C A N D A L !!!!. Nobody in this family was talking to her. Then she divorces husband, marries AP. Family first, as I was told. So, AP is accepted. Life goes on. They stayed married up til the ends of their lives. 

That would be an interesting statistic, though. When our parent's generation, say before the baby-boomers, encountered an A, and divorce and remarriage occurred, did those marriages last?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'm afraid that it's not really their choice! But in their marginal favor, the law says that it occurs whenever the scurrilous couple are bound as being deemed legally single again!

However, by Biblical precepts, God takes "matrimonial vows" far more seriously than what "the law" prescribes!!*


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *I'm afraid that it's not really their choice! But in their marginal favor, the law says that it occurs whenever the scurrilous couple are bound as being deemed legally single again!
> 
> However, by Biblical precepts, God takes "matrimonial vows" far more seriously than what "the law" prescribes!!*


Yes and he gives strong warnings for those who a)cheat and b)who abandon their wife or husband for another.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> Almost everyone will have a different take on this.
> 
> For example, my father's marriage to his slore OW/now wife will never be legitimate to me, and I don't give a **** that they have a legal document that says otherwise.


Yeah children and immediate family members will likely always view the new relationship with disdain and no legitimacy. 

One of my good friends from childhood's parents divorced and his father married the AP when we were like 9 years old. 

It is now over 40 years later and they are still together and he is in rapidly failing health and she has been by his side the whole time. However the 3 kids who are now in their upper 40s and early 50s still do not embrace her or their marriage at all. 

They accept that she is a permanent fixture in his life and they treat her with the common courtesy that they would to a stranger on the street, but that is about it. 

He was married to his first wife for about 10 years and has now been married to the OW for over 40. But to the kids it doesn't matter a bit.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

When people who are not having an affair separate with no intention of reconciling, and then start dating someone else seriously and exclusively, it's called a relationship. I think the same criteria would apply: separation from prior relationships, with no reconciliation, and exclusivity with new partner. Of course, many people who have been affected by the affair, will always count the start of the relationship as an unethical beginning. I'd agree with that.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *I'm afraid that it's not really their choice! But in their marginal favor, the law says that it occurs whenever the scurrilous couple are bound as being deemed legally single again!
> 
> However, by Biblical precepts, God takes "matrimonial vows" far more seriouslyge than what "the law" prescribes!![/COtimes more powerful.LOR]*




THIS GOD:

God has broad shoulders. 

While many of his mandates and prescriptions are are written in Scripture, in Canon and other laws of men, there are arcane, spiritual and [materially effective/reflective/reflexsive laws], consequential laws, unwritten but powerful, even deadly in their outplay. We can attribute this to some form of retribution, Karma.

I call it a violation of Good Order and Behavior. 

A married women has an affair with another man. Her husband finds out and kills both of them. Affair is now over, without a doubt. I say No! It is not!

No man or women is an island unto themselves. We live in a soup of living things, from bacteria, [STDs], up the food chain. Right up to inter-human interaction.

Any action that disrupts the The Good Order of Life is going to have a ripple effect.

The affair ends when the ripple effect can no longer be "felt".


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## idekanymore (Aug 26, 2017)

IMO, it's no longer and affair once out in the open and separation from the marriage has occurred, however, personally, I have difficulty believing that an affair will likely lead to a lasting healthy relationship. Not saying it would be impossible, albeit unlikely.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Still tainted... but no longer an affair after divorce.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

When it's over. But branded as cheaters in perpetuity.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

They are always "cheaters".

But I guess technically they are not having an affair once the divorce is done and its out in the open. 

I don't believe in friendship with AP after destruction of family.

Kids will never forget.

I don't know where I read it - but some BS woman some-how or another became okay with the OW who married her exhusband. Some junk about "getting over it" - that the OW was always nice to the kids, etc. F-that.

I know of a couple who are cheaters. She is very much still the cheater and he isn't happy about it. They are in a legit relationship... she has publicly apoligized for hurting him... but whatever.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> A different thread got me thinking about this question. When does an affair no longer be considered an affair? At what point does it become an actual relationship even if the BS's and their families don't like it?
> 
> So let's say two married people start seeing each other on the down-low and begin an affair. Then let's say they either get caught and their respective BS's leave them or let's say they each leave their BS's and take up their relationship full time out in the open.
> 
> ...



Does it really matter? If it started as an affair it will be tainted forever, simple.


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