# Husband hanging with female neighbors...



## needopinion (Sep 10, 2010)

My husband is causing me concern. We just moved to a new neighborhood. We have a 5 year old. The homes are very close together. The neighbors have kids and they play in the front yard. Sometimes in OUR yard. Well the moms all sit outside and drink wine. They haven't been all that friendly to me. I try to take our son inside when we arrive home etc because I feel pretty uncomfortable. Well these women LOVE my husband. Every chance he gets he takes our son out there. I woke up from a quick nap this afternoon and found them all out together again. I texted and told him that I was a mess after just waking up (just got back from a crazy 2 day work trip and no sleep). I asked if he would come in because it was dinner time. He said yes. He didn't for another 30 minutes. Then he told me that everyone was going to hit on him or think he was gay because I don't hang with him. Well... I was out of town while he was bbqing with them Saturday night and today... HE suggested I take a nap while they were watching the football game. I told him I didn't know they were going to be out there. He said "our son has friends now I'm not going to curtail his fun because you are upset". 

What do I do? There are never men out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Get out in the yard with your son and husband and put yourself in the social dynamic. It may not be exactly what you want to do but it's not really reasonable to expect your children and husband to hermit inside the house because you live in a social neighborhood. I'm sure your H enjoys the attention of all the women - he's a red blooded male right? That doesn't mean there's anything inappropriate going on but you do need to get out there and let him and them see you next to him. Just your presence will likely handle it and by being there you will be able to see first hand if any of the neighborhood ladies are behaving inappropriately towards your H or not.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, put yourself out there. Women are rarely "nice" to new women so maybe they just need to get to know you. Stake out your territory. Show them you are a big part of your son and husband's lives.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Yea, put yourself out there. Women are rarely "nice" to new women so maybe they just need to get to know you. Stake out your territory. Show them you are a big part of your son and husband's lives.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

A few dynamics here. You do need to get yourself out there.
You need to be hanging with your husband. 

But he does need defined boundaries as it pertains to the opposite sex. It is one thing to hang outside with the kids. However, this should not morph into him going over these ladies houses alone with them. I suggest you do His Needs Her Needs together and discuss, define and agree to boundaries for the both of you.

You want this to get under control quickly.

And yeah where are the other men? You need to find out what the deal is.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

I wish I could move to a new neighborhood where my wife lets me drink with the hot moms while our kids play together. 

Just sayin'


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

You seem unusually worried about your husband having an affair. What does that stem from? Is there anything in your past that would cause this feeling of fear?


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

I had neighbor ladies that love my man too. There was 2 of them and they would always bring their kids around him and sit there talking forever, as soon as I would come out...they would up and leave. EVERYTIME, now if that isn't noticeable what their intentions were. Or if they wouldn't be able to get away quick enough, hence gathering up kids, the ladies would talk amongst themselves and snub me if I tried to join the convo. If your neighbors do this, don't trust them for sure!!!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

MrK said:


> I wish I could move to a new neighborhood where my wife lets me drink with the hot moms while our kids play together.
> 
> Just sayin'


I didn't read anyone saying they were hot.you sounds like a trouble maker.

definatly be more visible when your husband and child are out there. 

Buy a bottle of whatever you like to drink (could be iced tea) and say sorry I didn't get to meet you guys sooner what you talking about.or have a funny joke to tell when you go over but don't be bullied by their catty actions.


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## needopinion (Sep 10, 2010)

I have a very high profile job. These women are stay at home moms. I just don't fit into their group and to be honest I don't want to. I've always Been find with my own close friends. I don't need to prove anything to anyone and I really don't appreciate fake people. I guess what surprises me most is that my husband is hanging with these people. It's not like him. He and I have always had similar personalities regarding these types of people/women. It's just hard for me to watch. And much of this happens when I'm not home. That's the problem. I rarely leave our son but as soon as I do he decides to go outside instead if spending quality time with him. 




chillymorn said:


> I didn't read anyone saying they were hot.you sounds like a trouble maker.
> 
> definatly be more visible when your husband and child are out there.
> 
> Buy a bottle of whatever you like to drink (could be iced tea) and say sorry I didn't get to meet you guys sooner what you talking about.or have a funny joke to tell when you go over but don't be bullied by their catty actions.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

needopinion said:


> I have a very high profile job. These women are stay at home moms. I just don't fit into their group and to be honest I don't want to. I've always Been find with my own close friends. I don't need to prove anything to anyone and I really don't appreciate fake people. I guess what surprises me most is that my husband is hanging with these people. It's not like him. He and I have always had similar personalities regarding these types of people/women. It's just hard for me to watch. And much of this happens when I'm not home. That's the problem. I rarely leave our son but as soon as I do he decides to go outside instead if spending quality time with him.
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hmmmmm. Yeah I would be a bit concerned too. The son give shim some plausible denial BUT he for sure is enjoying the chatting up by the SAHMs. 

Time for His Needs Her Needs and setting of boundaries ... at the least.

So what is his job situation?


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## needopinion (Sep 10, 2010)

He is employed full-time. We just have different work hours. I think it's his way of escaping being a parent. He blames our son by saying I'm not going to curtail his exercise and time with new friends just because you want me to. It's odd. He could easily take him for a bike ride or to the park you know?



Entropy3000 said:


> hmmmmm. Yeah I would be a bit concerned too. The son give shim some plausible denial BUT he for sure is enjoying the chatting up by the SAHMs.
> 
> Time for His Needs Her Needs and setting of boundaries ... at the least.
> 
> So what is his job situation?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Yes, he could easily take your son to the park or have him play elsewhere, but consider your husband's ego here. He has these SAHM's "panting" over him. Believe me, there's plenty of flirting going on during these little get-togethers. He's using your son as an excuse to hang with his new "friends." I don't see it from the perspective of him blaming your son; it just sounds as if he has an excuse to hang around bored women who like oogling a new man.

They may not be your kind of people, but you can either stay inside and stew or you can go out there and make it clear that these lovely ladies don't have a monopoly on your husband's time. Heck, I'd be in their faces asking them all sorts of personal questions and being as friendly as could be. Ever consider scoping out their husbands and having them join the group so you can talk to them? I mean, they have to be somewhere in the vicinity when your husband is hanging with the girls.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

OK, Me, I'm a hermit. I don't like people in general. I dislike parties and do my best to wiggle out of them when the wife drags me out to them. We moved last year to our first house. In all the years we have been married, we have always rented. Any way, now that I'm here in this actual neighborhood, a switch in my head has flipped. I feel obligated to talk to the neighbors and the wife sees me talking to them all the time, which is extremely out of character for me. While I would rather saw off my own arm than go to their homes or inviting anyone to a BBQ, I do feel obligated to become part of the neighborhood. 

Perhaps your husband feels similar. Plus, I feel bad for my daughter. Because I'm not social, she isn't social. So If she began having friends in our neighborhood, I would do everything in my power to try and keep that going.

Perhaps your husband is truly just helping the kids be kids and being social in the process.

On a side note, I cant help but feel that you have a strong dislike or disdain for these women. I may be wrong, but your post seems to suggest that they are beneath you in some way. 

While I'm not wealthy, I am very well groomed and fashionably dressed at all times. I would fit in perfectly in an upper class night club or a country club. The people on my neighborhood are mostly died in the wool ********. One older woman in her late 60's is covered in tattoos, goes everywhere barefoot and has no teeth. I have absolutely no problem with these people. There is room in this world for everyone. Besides the old lady tells great stories of her lively past. 

Perhaps your over reacting because they are so unlike you in any way


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## inmygut (Apr 2, 2011)

needopinion said:


> My husband is causing me concern. We just moved to a new neighborhood. We have a 5 year old. The homes are very close together. The neighbors have kids and they play in the front yard. Sometimes in OUR yard. Well the moms all sit outside and drink wine. They haven't been all that friendly to me. I try to take our son inside when we arrive home etc because I feel pretty uncomfortable. Well these women LOVE my husband. Every chance he gets he takes our son out there. I woke up from a quick nap this afternoon and found them all out together again. I texted and told him that I was a mess after just waking up (just got back from a crazy 2 day work trip and no sleep). I asked if he would come in because it was dinner time. He said yes. He didn't for another 30 minutes. Then he told me that everyone was going to hit on him or think he was gay because I don't hang with him. Well... I was out of town while he was bbqing with them Saturday night and today... HE suggested I take a nap while they were watching the football game. I told him I didn't know they were going to be out there. He said "our son has friends now I'm not going to curtail his fun because you are upset".
> 
> What do I do? There are never men out there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to get outside with your son and husband. Are you certain that you go inside because the neighbors are unfriendly, or are they being less than friendly because you are acting so standoffish? Based on your other remarks, it would suggest the latter. It is unreasonable for you to expect them to remain indoors because you are uncomfortable. You have a choice whether you exclude yourself. Don't exclude yourself from your family
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

I dunno- if it makes her uncomfortable, he should knock it off. The fact the she asked him about it and he blew her off is kinda poor, don't you think?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Can't help but think that there's some room for compromise here.

OP could spend a bit more time outside - get to know these ladies while spending time with her H.

And her H could maybe make an effort to not play party host while his W isn't around.


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## needopinion (Sep 10, 2010)

I will give it a try. I will say this to the person who feels I have disdain for these women. That's not true. I actually feel they feel I'm beneath them because I work. This one made a huge deal about it. She knocked on our door. I answered (a week after we moved) and had 2 parents and 3 kids and said they thought they knocked a ball into our backyard. I said oh! Let me help. I turned around to get my shoes and they were parading through my house. I felt bad about the mess. I said please excuse the wreck... We are just moving in and I'm trying to juggle work too. The lady said on the way out... Oh. Don't worry about your mess. I won't tell a soul. I'm sure it must be awful to have to work. I was so saddened that someone could be so fake nice and down right mean. 




nice777guy said:


> Can't help but think that there's some room for compromise here.
> 
> OP could spend a bit more time outside - get to know these ladies while spending time with her H.
> 
> And her H could maybe make an effort to not play party host while his W isn't around.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

I still think that your husband could be more solicitous of your feelings.

Maybe, in the spirit of compromise, you can frame it as "okay, can you spend a little less time with these ladies, and, hey, you know what? I'll hang out, too, so they don't get mad at you when it's time to go in for dinner" or whatever.

Don't know what to tell you about the "throwing a party with them while you're gone" thing. That's pretty uncool, IMO.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

needopinion said:


> He is employed full-time. We just have different work hours. I think it's his way of escaping being a parent. He blames our son by saying I'm not going to curtail his exercise and time with new friends just because you want me to. It's odd. He could easily take him for a bike ride or to the park you know?
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I see. Yes, taking him for a bike ride makes a lot more sense.

Working differetn hours puts a strain on most marriages. My wife and I did this for a while and it was not good for us at all. Never again.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

It sounds like you don't even know these women but have decided that they are fake and that you won't like them. 5 year olds are social, and it's great for them to be in a social neighborhood! I think you should meet the women, and if you don't like them then don't hang with them, or only hang with them when it's YOUR turn to sit outside and watch the kid play...someone has to do it. 

I've met awesome neighbors in some of the cruddiest neighborhoods, because we sat outside with the children. I've made friends with the kids dad's too..... its what neighbors DO. Having decent neighbors can be a Godsend. Some of them turn into lifelong friends, no matter where life takes you....and others you'd just as soon forget. 

I don't know why you worry about your h visiting with them, unless you don't trust him, which is another case and has nothing to do with the neighbors.

Plus, what is the alternative? Son should stay in the house vs. going out to play cuz there are women out there?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This is all b~llsh~t, ask him if he wants to stay married to you, when he responds let him know you can't control him so now is the time to make dam sure he does b/c you do not. It is his choice, he can change your mind by doing the things that will protect the marriage or he can continue with this unhealthy behavior. 

It is his choice and you will leave the boy out of this. It is between you and him. You have no problem finding some one that will respect you and have some that has healthy boundries for a M.

Again it is his choice, but in order to stay M he needs his own boundries that will secure and protect the M and his curent behavior will drive the M apart.


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## useable (Aug 31, 2011)

this is a red flag, he already cheated i am sure. expose this to his family


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

needopinion said:


> I have a very high profile job. These women are stay at home moms. I just don't fit into their group and to be honest I don't want to. I've always Been find with my own close friends. I don't need to prove anything to anyone and I really don't appreciate fake people. I guess what surprises me most is that my husband is hanging with these people. It's not like him. He and I have always had similar personalities regarding these types of people/women. It's just hard for me to watch. And much of this happens when I'm not home. That's the problem. I rarely leave our son but as soon as I do he decides to go outside instead if spending quality time with him.
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This attitude is going to screw you over. My husband was always so lonely as a SAHD when I travelled and never found this kind of acceptance in our neighbors.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

useable said:


> this is a red flag, he already cheated i am sure. expose this to his family


was this intended as sarcasm?

a red flag - maybe; but red flags aren't evidence - just warning signs; can't really "expose" warning signs

Just seems like everyone is on "one side" or the other - while the issue doesn't seem that black and white to me

I still say there's a ton of room for compromise.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Your making it sound like he is spending every waking moment leaning on the mailbox chatting to some bimbo in high heels sipping wine and making eyes at him. Its my bet that its not really this extreme. If he has a Job, that cuts down massively the amount of time he has to be social. Is he being social mostly in public for all to see, or does he spend time behind closed doors at a neighbor ladies home?


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