# Hello



## BaldDad83

i


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## EleGirl

You are wrong that if you divorce your wife you will lose everything. Assets are generally divided 50/50 and 50/50 custody is becoming very common. Did you know that only about 15% of men ever pay any alimony and when they do pay, the average amount is $300 a month paid for 3 years.

You keep saying things like "there's no middle ground with women". The problem with statements like that is that the mask the truth. "Women" are not a have brain group. Nope, we are all individuals. The problem with you putting all women in one bucket is that you then see it as something that you cannot tackle because it's what all women do. Your wife's behavior belongs to her... it has nothing to do with me and the other 3 billion women on earth.

You are approaching the 7 year itch time in your marriage. For some reason a lot of couples have this sort of problem.

Your marriage and relationship with your wife need an overhaul and complete restructuring.

My bet is that the two of you stopped dating each other a long time ago. Is that right?

There are two books that I think would really help you and your wife fix this: "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". The idea is for you and your wife to read them together and do the work that they say to do.


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## She'sStillGotIt

BaldDad83 said:


> Even if I don’t hit her and she files for divorce I lose it all. Marraige really is a lose lose for men.


What a crock of ****. Where do you *live* that a simple divorce would give HER 100% of *everything*, and you 0%? I'd really like to know because it obviously isn't the US. 



> I remember watching this bit by Bill Burr. Women hate it when their men have fun without them. It’s so true. My wife hates it when I’m doing my own thing or having fun without her. She gets even more upset if I look bored when I’m out with her. It’s not my fault I hate hours and hours of mindless shopping.


Bill Burr is a god. However, I don't have a problem at ALL when my husband is having a good time doing something he enjoys. I don't even _understand_ that type of sick mentality, begrudging your spouse some joy in life. Your wife sounds like a real peach.



> My biggest peeve is she never listens to me yet says I don’t speak up enough. How many of you guys go through this? They want your opinion, you think about it and tell them but they do the exact opposite of whay you told them.


So what? She supposedly asks for your OPINION, not an iron-clad instruction she HAS to follow just because it came from you.



> Seriously there’s no middle ground with women.


Nooooooo...there's apparently no middle ground with your WIFE. Do you know how ridiculous you sound trying to convince everyone that your _wife's_ shortcomings are also the shortcomings of *every female on this planet*? Why, I didn't know you were omniscient and able to speak for the entire female gender. 



> I’m trying my best to just go through the motions and avoid getting into any arguments with her. I try and spot the triggers and avoid them, try to look happy and interested but it takes alot of mental alertness and it takes alot out of me. I just don’t know what to do anymore.


 Not sure if you're just here to complain about women or actually seek advice since you only wanted to talk to men.

I think I'm seeing a potential candidate for the MGTOW group. :rofl:

It appears that neither one of you seems to respect the other very much at all. This is so cliche and such a standard response on a message board, but I guess you should try marriage counseling to re-learn how to speak to each other and how to interact with *respect*.


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## Blondilocks

How would hitting your wife make you feel better? It wouldn't. Learn some anger management techniques. You're allowing your wife to anger you - it's in your power to not become angry.

Have to ask - why did you marry her?


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## Spicy

Get a toupee.


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## Mr.Married

Your sure mentioned hitting your wife more than enough ..... Get a hold of yourself.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Wow! You guys need help. To paraphrase From the move “Cool Handed Luke”what we have here is a failure to communicate.


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## SunCMars

EleGirl said:


> *You are approaching the 7 year itch time in your marriage.* For some reason a lot of couples have this sort of problem.


Thank you!

Ah, I finally got this out of one of you *omniscient* Ele-gant gals. 

@She'sStillGotIt beat me to that word. Ah, tis' synchronicity.

It is true, these cycles.
For some, not all. Thank you.

The some adds up to some majority, say ~sixty percent. 
These cycles affect more than marriage, it can be health issues, legal troubles, accidents, violence visited upon you, financial woes.

...........................................................

OP, you come across as a Misogynist. A woman hater. 

Get divorced, stay that way. 
Get, be happy.

..........................................................

Thank you for being honest with your thoughts about hitting your wife. This tells us you are aware of the temptation. This anger and resentment needs to addressed.
Saying you would be arrested and sent to jail if you hit her, misses the greater point.

Holding back, not hitting your wife, or hitting anyone, should come from feelings of right and wrong, and not from only the legal consequences of doing this.


KB-


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## MattMatt

Question for you. Do you believe to any extent that atheists are better, smarter or cooler than religious people?


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## SunCMars

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Wow! You guys need help. To paraphrase From the move “Cool Handed Luke”what we have here is a failure to communicate.



www.youtube.com/watch?v=452XjnaHr1A

This is @Blondilocks favorite scene. She has the hots for the whip handling Captain of the guards.


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## OnTheFly

BaldDad83 said:


> We are very different people.


Did this only become apparent after marriage?

It's works for some people, maybe for those who don't mind compromising on non-essentials in love.

But, otherwise, it seems very risky.


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## BaldDad83

Was having a bad day and needed a rant. Knew I should have stuck to a men’s only forum. No I’m not a misogynist but then again anything can be construed as misogyny these days. Yea I know it’s wrong to hit people and I’m working on the anger issues, I started going to a group meeting and I have taken up MMA to learn how to manage my anger. It really does help. 

I’m not sure how to communicate with her anymore. Like for eg yesterday I tried to cheer her up by cracking a joke to make light of a bad situation and she just starts going off on me. I felt hurt at her rebuke but instead of shouting back and escalating the problem I just walk away, do my breathing exercises and calmed myself down. But she wouldn’t stop and attacks me again bringing up **** that happened years ago. 

I try my best to stay calm and I do, I don’t rise to the bait and I keep breathing and focusing on a calming image. But my calmness infuriates her even more and she keeps at it. Left with no choice I leave the house and remove myself from the situation. I stayed at my friend’s place last night. 

A part of me wants to try and salvage the relationship another part of me wants to end it. Seriously I’m at a cross roads.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

I'm just trying to simplify a bit.

1. This you know already; when one uses sentences like "I get so mad I want to hit her" that's the worst train of thought and action. Only a weak man would strike a woman unless she's pounding him with a baseball bat, even then, not. 

2. What cruel things has she said to you? For example?


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## MattMatt

BaldDad83 said:


> Was having a bad day and needed a rant. Knew I should have stuck to a men’s only forum. No I’m not a misogynist but then again anything can be construed as misogyny these days. Yea I know it’s wrong to hit people and I’m working on the anger issues, I started going to a group meeting and I have taken up MMA to learn how to manage my anger. It really does help.
> 
> I’m not sure how to communicate with her anymore. Like for eg yesterday I tried to cheer her up by cracking a joke to make light of a bad situation and she just starts going off on me. I felt hurt at her rebuke but instead of shouting back and escalating the problem I just walk away, do my breathing exercises and calmed myself down. But she wouldn’t stop and attacks me again bringing up **** that happened years ago.
> 
> I try my best to stay calm and I do, I don’t rise to the bait and I keep breathing and focusing on a calming image. But my calmness infuriates her even more and she keeps at it. Left with no choice I leave the house and remove myself from the situation. I stayed at my friend’s place last night.
> 
> A part of me wants to try and salvage the relationship another part of me wants to end it. Seriously I’m at a cross roads.


Are you mistaking calmness for indifference? Or smugness?

Do you feel superior to your wife?


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## Mr. Nail

Scarry opening post. I'm not at all reassured by your use of MMA training as anger management. Seriously dangerous relationship. An angry man, who feels emotionally abused. Sounds like a powder keg to me. 

On the face of it, I'd recommend supervised separation.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

BaldDad83 said:


> I’m not sure how to communicate with her anymore. Like for eg yesterday I tried to cheer her up by cracking a joke to make light of a bad situation and she just starts going off on me. I felt hurt at her rebuke but instead of shouting back and escalating the problem I just walk away, do my breathing exercises and calmed myself down. But she wouldn’t stop and attacks me again bringing up **** that happened years.


What I said earlier.....failure to communicate. You guys should consider marriage counseling if you want to make this marriage work. Otherwise, it is time to throw in the towel and part ways.


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## BaldDad83

What is it with you people? I wasn’t being smug just keeping my cool and trying not to escalate the problem. She was the one screaming at me. Why is it my fault for not losing my temper? Women are just as capable of being mean and abusive. Enough of the white knight bs. I though this forum would be helpful. Obviously not. Adios.


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## Tasorundo

So, what did she bring up from years ago?

You seem pretty high strung if a couple posts on a forum have run you off. Maybe you are thin skinned?


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## BaldDad83

Yes please continue with the personal attacks. Bravo.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

BaldDad83 said:


> What is it with you people? I wasn’t being smug just keeping my cool and trying not to escalate the problem. She was the one screaming at me. Why is it my fault for not losing my temper? Women are just as capable of being mean and abusive. Enough of the white knight bs. I though this forum would be helpful. Obviously not. Adios.


Partner, presently folk here are asking for more info to tailor responses, and sharing views and different perspectives. 

It's a normal give and take exchange, no one is attacking you personally so it's curious to see such an abrupt and FU response. 

My original question remains, unless I missed it; what cruel things has she said, an example?

Whether you continue to explore different perspectives and objective advice is of course up to you.

There's a saying when reading a poster enters any forum and may see different advice, to "take what helps and leave the rest".

Generally not FU because "you all are idiots because you don't see it my way" right off the bat.

Good luck!


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## Blondilocks

Now, you know that humor won't work to calm her down. You also know that engaging with her mano y mano doesn't work. There is a button to push to calm her; you just need to find it. 

Have you tried agreeing with her? Even if it goes against every fiber of your being - agree. When she is calm you can sort the fallacies. Don't count on this being the answer as it is just an example of a technique to try.


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## Tasorundo

BaldDad83 said:


> Yes please continue with the personal attacks. Bravo.


Keep focusing on the unimportant parts, Bravo.

People are asking you questions, all you say is that your wife is horrible and you are a poor victim who would like to hit her.


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## aine

Charming post OP, looks like all of us women are being tarred with the same brush. Seems to me, perhaps you have a problem, not your wife. You become aggressive and overly sensitive when asked to clarify. This is not normal. 

Seems to me you are not genuinely interested in your wife or family life, it bores you. Maybe you are not cut out to be married or a family man or alternately maybe you have some issue such as Aspergers, etc that makes you disconnected.


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## notmyjamie

BaldDad83 said:


> I used to think of men who hit women as weak but I know realize they must have been pushed to their limits by their wives.


You need therapy if you truly believe this is true. Abusers hit women for the pure joy of exerting their power over the woman. It has nothing to do with the woman's behavior. They work to destroy her self esteem first and then start physically abusing her. Please understand that now. If you hit your wife, that will be all on YOU and not on her. 

I understand being so frustrated you think you're going to snap though. It sounds like you both might need some individual therapy and some marriage counseling if you want to save the marriage. If not, then just divorce and move on. Take a long break from women and continue some therapy.

Did you hate women this much before you got married or has she just made you so frustrated you think all women act like she does? They don't for the record.

If you don't want to be with her anymore, consult with a lawyer and find out what it would really cost to get a divorce. The answer might surprise you.


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## Casual Observer

Blondilocks said:


> Now, you know that humor won't work to calm her down. You also know that engaging with her mano y mano doesn't work. There is a button to push to calm her; you just need to find it.
> 
> Have you tried agreeing with her? Even if it goes against every fiber of your being - agree. When she is calm you can sort the fallacies. Don't count on this being the answer as it is just an example of a technique to try.


Another thing to try- “I understand what you think. I need help understanding why. Let it all out. What’s been bothering you the past x years that you don’t think I understand or know?”

Ohmygosh when my wife and I got into serious trouble over some really old stuff, this is what I did. We were going to spend the night apart because we just seemed to need some space, because anything we said to each other seemed so hurtful and we were trying to avoid more of that. So I did the opposite. I asked her to take notes of all the stuff that’s been bothering her during our 39 year marriage, and I’d do the same, and meet at an outdoor restaurant after work and go over things. 

I let her go first. We never even got to my list. I’m telling you, I honestly had no idea the level of resentment she held for many things. I felt like my heart was ripped out and stomped on. She didn’t have any clue what effect that would have on me. 

The good thing- it allowed me to hit bottom really fast. And sometimes you’ve got to hit bottom before you can get up. 

I would never want to put my wife through that. I don’t know if she’d survive it. But it was what I needed to hear, so I could have that “Come to Jesus” moment. And change. 

It’s taking one hell of a continuing effort. Pretty much entirely on my part. But things are improving. I still deal almost daily with her tending to forget what she agreed to, while I stick to my new routine of doing tons more around the house, bringing her flowers, spending time talking with her. 

What am I saying. Seems like I made it all about me. I think my point is that fixing things in a relationship might not work if you’re expecting a 50/50 effort. It might require 99/10.


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## Mr. Nail

No one was saved.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Damn, why did he post here in the first place, he needs some solid counseling as does his wife. I have deduced they are what one might refer to as “dysfunctional “.


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