# Wife has no trust or belief in me anymore



## Welsh TXN (Feb 4, 2012)

I am a 32 yr old male who married the woman of my dreams in 2009. I am originally from Great Britain, my wife is from Texas.

Today my wife and i were having a discussion, about everything that has happened in the last few months. I am dyslexic which doesn't help this situation. 

When we discuss things, she tells me why I am doing things she thinks it through and she comes to the conclusion she believes is correct and then tells me that it is the only reason why i could be doing these things.

I say I want to change which is what i truly want to do but i keep making the same mistakes over and over, like smoking i say i would quit nearly a year ago but i keep breaking down and having a smoke every now and then mostly when i am stressed work and relationship issues.

I am very bad about if things are out of sight they are out of mind and i dont address these issues when things are good but when things go bad they go real bad because.
She now says she doesnt trust me, she doesnt believe anything i say about changing anymore shes say she has had her heart broken too many time by me to know how she feels.
I want to change these habits and work on them becase i love her so much and i dont want to lose her


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## Welsh TXN (Feb 4, 2012)

please if anyone has any suggestions about how i can deal with this or approach her about this and how to win back her trust and belief in me it would be wonderful.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Continuing smoking is not a mistake. It’s a choice.
Out of sight, out of mind is not a mistake. It’s a choice.
Being dyslexic has nothing to do with this situation.
Your short post is full of excuses… you even try to blame it on your dyslexia.
You have not stopped smoking because you have chosen to not stop smoking. It’s hard to stop smoking. What steps have to taken to stop? Have you seen your doctor about it? Did you get the meds? The pathches? Joined group? What have you done to stop smoking?


Out of sight, out of mind means that you have bad organization and time management skills. So look up on the internet on how to get organized and manage your time. Make a list of all the things that you ignore. Then schedule when you will do them. Set your cell phone, or your computer calendar to give you an alarm when it’s time to do one of the things on your list. Ask your wife to help you come up with the list.

Do you see how you have chosen to not address these issues in the only manner that will work?The only way you will accomplish something it is to have a goal, make a plan and execute the plan. Anything else is not trying and having to intent at all of doing whatever your promised to do.

Your wife is right to be upset about this. You are making empty promisses


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

There is saying that goes

'I cannot hear what you say as your actions shout so loud"

You need to back up words with actions and time will show her you are a man of your word.


But you know this already I suspect.


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## Welsh TXN (Feb 4, 2012)

I am trying to be a man of my word, the problem is me I know this, I work on the problems when we discuss them, yet when my wife is happy again i stop working on the problems we have, because times are good. out of sight out of mind. 

I am wanting to change so very much so that i can be the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

I don't know when i stop thinking about working on the problems i have but it happens. I am going to see a counselor and talking to my priest about this.

My wife says she will go to marriage counseling with me so we can work on the issues we have. 

I hope i can resolve this issues so i can spend my life with the woman of my dreams.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Only you can keep YOUR word.

I believe you can do it! Your obviously love your wife and she seems to feel the same.
Just do the right thing! Keep your word!

OR risk losing your lovely wife and marriage...the choice is yours in the end.

PS: I gave smoking 10 years ago...the best and hardest thing i have ever done. Once your conquer the nicotine monster you can do ANTHING!!!


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

It's a good thing that you and your wife are talking about your problems and trying to work them out. Don't give up.

You say that she thinks things through but you're an out of sight out of mind kind of guy. Well, technically, that means she can only trust you as long as she can keep an eye on you to make sure you don't screw up. No woman wants to play babysitter to her man.

You're going to have to learn how to think more deeply about the issues that are causing you conflict so that you can have the conviction to keep your promises even when things are going good and no one is nagging you to behave. You've got to learn how to improve who you are and that will only happen when you really make those changes because you believe in them.

Make a list of 5 problems that you are supposed to change, that you have told your wife you would change. That is, pick things you've committed to. Put it on the wall where you can see it. Now, put a calendar next to it. Every day you make progress on those things, give yourself a grade and write it on your calendar. Did you get an A on that thing today or an F? That way you can truly track your progress over time. This helps when people are trying to lose weight, build a new habit, or any number of other things. I use this to track progress visually on projects in order to keep up my discipline and motivation. I'm not trying to downplay your issue....even Benjamin Franklin used this system to improve himself. It's worth a try....


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## Welsh TXN (Feb 4, 2012)

Well since I wrote this I am divorced. Things did not work out. Not for trying on my part my now ex wife decided enough was enough and was also having an affair which I think was a very big deal in the divorce, but hey she never spoke to me once I moved out two days after I wrote this post a year has gone by and she and the affair partner who was a friend I use that term or so I thought was a friend are now dating I wish them the best. I know my flaws and the things I do I have been to see council it's and therapists multiple to get my life back on track. Thank you for the answers on this thread they shed a lot of light
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I'm sorry that your wife was having an affair.

It's not because of your behaviour, her affair was her choice.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Knowing of her affair now does shed some light on things. She was probably looking for things to use as an excuse to leave you.

I hope you can find peace and a woman who can love you for who you are. 

Also hope you kick that smoking habit sooner than later.


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## Welsh TXN (Feb 4, 2012)

EleGirl things have been on the up and up, I don't say that lightly I have cut down on the smoking for sure, and I have been dating again living in a new town, we have discussed my past marriage and I have told her my problems and we have worked on them from the very start I am a happier person for sure life throws things at us and it how we deal with them makes us into people we are, the biggest thing in my life and the happiest I have felt was last weekend when my mom was on the phone and she is in another country said I could not be prouder of you and the way that you have handled things and come out on top of it all. I love my mom she is an amazing woman
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## elizabethdennis (Jan 16, 2013)

waiwera said:


> There is saying that goes
> 
> 'I cannot hear what you say as your actions shout so loud"
> 
> ...


I agree. Making a promise is not enough. You need to do what you promised your wife to do.


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## Welsh TXN (Feb 4, 2012)

i agree the promises i made needed to be kept and i would have if we had stayed together but due to an affair she was having i did not have chance to keep those promises future relationships will be better i have learnt from this failed marriage


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Welsh TXN said:


> EleGirl things have been on the up and up, I don't say that lightly I have cut down on the smoking for sure, and I have been dating again living in a new town, we have discussed my past marriage and I have told her my problems and we have worked on them from the very start I am a happier person for sure life throws things at us and it how we deal with them makes us into people we are, the biggest thing in my life and the happiest I have felt was last weekend when my mom was on the phone and she is in another country said I could not be prouder of you and the way that you have handled things and come out on top of it all. I love my mom she is an amazing woman


Life takes some turns that we never anticipate. You seem to be moving along just fine. Good for you.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Agreed with Elegirl.

Make sure you closed the door fully on your ex. Statistically she has a 3% in having a relationship with that guy, sooner then later she'll be ringing your phone.


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## Welsh TXN (Feb 4, 2012)

i have fully closed that door for myelf I know this sounds harsh but i could never go back to her after what she did to me and what her faily have said to and about me. She is nolonger a factor in my life.


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## elizabethdennis (Jan 16, 2013)

I'm so sorry to hear that your marriage did not work out. Well at least you learned something from your failed marriage and hope this will guide you in your future relationships. But bear in mind, you wife's affair is not your fault. It was her own choice.


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## CrazyGuy (Dec 30, 2011)

Welsh TXN, You sound like a nice guy. Marriage for better or worse? I think you had some faults that were not deal breakers in your original post. I also think you let those faults get your self esteem down. Probably fueled by your ex pointing out your faults.

Married people should inspire each other to be their best, help form strength together, not point out your weakness. I am dyslexic myself. I have a list of things that I know I will always need improvement on. But I am sure you have some other ways that you exceed to compensate. I myself have always raised to the top in the correct environment. Organization, Ha ha no thanks.

Anyways from this short thread the only deal breaker was your wifes affair. Sorry about that. But it sounds like you are doing very well now. Sounds like you are much better off and in a more healthy relationship. It is great that you talked things over with your new partner. Communication is key to growing stronger.

Good Luck!


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## Welsh TXN (Feb 4, 2012)

well things have progressed even further and i am very happy still working on myself and my flaws, my new gf is an ispiration as well, but i have found out that my now exw and the POSOM are having troubles he has been offered a job in another state (and she cannont leave) and is going as it is a great opportunity, well i am being vigilant and making sure that if she or her family tries to contact me or my family the door is closed.


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