# Cub scouts/Boy Scouts -



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

My son is an indoor, reading, serious little man, at nearly-8. He has intense interests, and has little interest in most outdoor things like biking or hiking. He tends to gravitate towards girls in his year, which I have no issue with. He loves swimming so I encourage that, but is otherwise uninterested in sports. But his BFF (the rare boy who is a friend) who is a little older has talked up boy scouts. He is living most of the time with me (Mom) and I worry he doesn't mix much with kids his own age, especially doesn't bond with boys. I was wondering - is it a bad idea to sign him up for cub scouts or boy scouts? I thought it might teach him some skills to be a little more confident in the outdoors, and hopefully making friends with some boys to see they aren't all bullies. I asked him what he thought and because his friend likes it he thinks he would too. What do you guys think? I never did anything like that because we didn't have it in the UK. What was your experience with boy scouts? Is it worth the time? Is it fun? Did it help you? Any drawbacks?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

We do have scouts in the UK. My brother used to go to Cubs and scouts back in the 1960's and it's still going strong now. My ex was a cub scout leader. I believe it was actually started here. We also had Brownies and Guides for the girls which I went to. 
Yes do sign him up. Most kids love it and it will be good for him to mix more with boys and adult male leaders as well. Also learning new skills is always a positive thing.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Deleted


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

My son did scouts until he was heading to middle school. He liked it and I think it was good for him. It isn’t just outdoor activities like hiking and camping - they do a lot of community service projects and fun outings like bowling and laser tag. 

One issue we faced with scouts as divorced parents was who was going to take him to these activities. I didn’t want to sign him up because of the time commitment (he had a lot of other activities happening), but my XH had done scouts until he was a teen and was super excited about doing it with his own son. He promised to take him to all meetings and activities. Well XH flaked on every meeting and every outing so we had a distraught little boy. So I just took it over and explained to my son that due to work and schedules we wouldn’t be able to participate in everything every single time. I did give his dad dibs for every big thing like camping or field trips, but had to arrange my schedule so that I could take him if he was a no-show. 

The Pinewood Derby is a big annual event where kids make their own wooden cars and race them. When I took over the scouting stuff and got on the email list I found out we had less than a week to make his car while the other kids had working on them for months, yikes. I pictured that he would get a car-shaped thing and just decorate it, but I was very wrong. You literally get a block of wood and wheels and you need to carve the wood and there are weight minimums and maximums and tire balancing...it was a lot. Thankfully his step-dad was a cub scout and helped him use the tools and knew about adding graphite to the wheels. His car did pretty well, he was really proud of himself and he has great memories of building them. I am sure I could’ve figured it out myself if I needed to (tons of info online) but we definitely would’ve needed extra car kits for the screw ups. Just prepare yourself!

I say to go for it. If he hates it he can stop but I would suggest giving it a full year.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

The Scouts were awesome as a kid ( in the 70's)...The merit badges were a great way to teach young boys important concepts...Some of the other kids took it to Eagle Scout status, which is a very prestigious and noteworthy achievement...As an employer in a male dominated business, I will honestly say that all of the Eagle Scouts I have hired were all exceptional guys...Admittedly not a huge sample size, though...

That being said, I was the type that sounds like the complete opposite of the OP's son...I had a ton of male friends, was heavily involved in sports and was always outdoors and doing stuff that boys did back then...This was a natural thing for me and some of the boys in my circle...

I don't have a son, but my daughter did the Girl Scouts and that was also quite a bit of fun and was also good for the girls...I guess the only thing that was sort of annoying is how some parents had pro shops build their Pinewood Derby cars or they bought "ringer" car bodies off the net to try and win the event...What a bunch of asshats....

As for the OP's son, I guess I can see it going one of two ways...He'll feel out of place among those kids, or it will get him more acclimated to interacting with boys and getting out from the reading and alone stuff...I think it would be worth the risk of him potentially not fitting in....If that happens you can just drop out of it and that's that...If he does have a positive experience and effect, then it will be well worth the time and effort....

Good luck!


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

I am an Eagle Scout, my son is also, and both of my daughters were Venture Scouts. For years, we did Scouting as a family and I still volunteer today. My dear grandmother insisted that I get into Scouting, and my early male role models were all adult Scouting volunteers (broken home). I'm biased, so take this for what it's worth. 

Scouting is an amazing youth program. For years I've taught Scouts leadership, robotics, nuclear science, citizenship, and many other topics. The downside is that it does cost money to participate (dues, cost of activities, etc.). But so do youth sports programs. All of my children will tell you that their best and most impactful moments as youth involved Scouting.

Sadly, the competition with sports has had a major impact on what many young people are able to get from the program. I've had so many people over the years tell me that they wished their parents had chosen Scouting over sports. Soccer is good at the moment, but Scouting achievements last a lifetime. Today my kids love the outdoors and have learned a wide range of skills thanks to their Scouting experience.

One of my favorite memories is giving my son his first pocket knife when he was eight years old. He learned all of the safety and proper use in Scouting and got a "certification" (Whittling Chip). All of the moms in our cul-de-sac freaked out and complained because their kids suddenly wanted pocket knives. So, we had a neighborhood pocket knife class that my 8-YEAR-OLD SON gave to parents and kids in the middle of the cul-de-sac, and it wasn't long before all of the kids had a pocket knife. To this day my kids treat knives with respect.

This is one of many examples of where Scouting has been such a huge benefit to my kids. Not to mention all of the shared experiences. I love the program.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The sexual abuse claims and resulting bankruptcy aren't a problem for you?


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> The sexual abuse claims and resulting bankruptcy aren't a problem for you?


It does concern me any time my child is around an adult it is always in the back of my mind as a possibility because as a teacher we have been through frequent and rather harrowing childhood abuse prevention trainings. 

Sadly although statistics make it much more likely that he be abused by an adult if he is in an unstable home environment with a nonbiological caregiver present, growing up in communities with high rates of crime or violence, experiencing domestic violence, with caregivers who condone violence or aggression, or experiencing social isolation, it can happen to anyone. We are lucky that we don't have a lot of those risk factors. 

I already experience a lot of anxiety about it and have my radar up for most of the time because I am a worrywart. But I also worry about his missing out on being active, healthy, and experiencing real bonding with his peers. So I am going to worry and continue to inwardly freak out about every little thing, but I am also trying to temper that with what I think might be a good choice for him. He needs healthy social bonds.

I was curious what others' experiences have been because I guess it came from the UK but it wasn't something I ever heard of as a kid. We were too busy being nerdy and playing instruments an watching foreign films and stuff that basically made me pretty unrelatable to a lot of folks. I'm not looking to make him a mini-me. I want him to feel happy and confident. So that's why I was wondering what other people thought about scouts.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Bluesclues said:


> My son did scouts until he was heading to middle school. He liked it and I think it was good for him. It isn’t just outdoor activities like hiking and camping - they do a lot of community service projects and fun outings like bowling and laser tag.
> 
> One issue we faced with scouts as divorced parents was who was going to take him to these activities. I didn’t want to sign him up because of the time commitment (he had a lot of other activities happening), but my XH had done scouts until he was a teen and was super excited about doing it with his own son. He promised to take him to all meetings and activities. Well XH flaked on every meeting and every outing so we had a distraught little boy. So I just took it over and explained to my son that due to work and schedules we wouldn’t be able to participate in everything every single time. I did give his dad dibs for every big thing like camping or field trips, but had to arrange my schedule so that I could take him if he was a no-show.
> 
> ...


That does sound pretty cool - he loves to make and invent things so he'd probably be really into that. Community service is super-important too because we believe really strongly in giving back to the community, so it'd be good for him to see that in a group setting and not just think that it's something only he and I do. He is very interested in social justice so I think he'd probably like that.

I'm in the same boat and his dad is a flake, so it'd probably involve me being there a lot of the time. Hopefully that won't be too weird for him. Definitely want to give it a year if we do sign up because kids can be a bit reactive sometimes.


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## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

I was a scout as and teaches allot. Having said that there is potential for abuse as there is with any adult males ib these types of organizations sad to say. 

I think that any exposure to positive role models is good. His stepfather has a duty to do that as your partner and male leader in your family. 

If you and the stepdad get to know the other families perhaps you can carpool to reduce the burden.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

joannacroc said:


> My son is an indoor, reading, serious little man, at nearly-8. He has intense interests, and has little interest in most outdoor things like biking or hiking. He tends to gravitate towards girls in his year, which I have no issue with. He loves swimming so I encourage that, but is otherwise uninterested in sports. But his BFF (the rare boy who is a friend) who is a little older has talked up boy scouts. He is living most of the time with me (Mom) and I worry he doesn't mix much with kids his own age, especially doesn't bond with boys. I was wondering - is it a bad idea to sign him up for cub scouts or boy scouts? I thought it might teach him some skills to be a little more confident in the outdoors, and hopefully making friends with some boys to see they aren't all bullies. I asked him what he thought and because his friend likes it he thinks he would too. What do you guys think? I never did anything like that because we didn't have it in the UK. What was your experience with boy scouts? Is it worth the time? Is it fun? Did it help you? Any drawbacks?


I have both been a scout and for a short time a scout leader. 

Not much to say except that I enjoyed it while I was in it, especially earning the merit badges and the large regional jamboree every year. I did not have any negative experiences, and a few very positive ones. Try it for a set period and let your son decide if he wants to continue would be my advice.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> The sexual abuse claims and resulting bankruptcy aren't a problem for you?


They are of course a huge problem when they happen, but not the norm. I suspect that some safeguards have been put in place recently too (my guess).


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I liked scouts. As long as you feel good about the people who are running the den for the kids it will be fine. My neighbors remarked I am always prepared for emergencies and stuff around the block and they’re like, “I bet you were in scouts.” Yes ma’am I was.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> We do have scouts in the UK. My brother used to go to Cubs and scouts back in the 1960's and it's still going strong now. My ex was a cub scout leader. I believe it was actually started here. We also had Brownies and Guides for the girls which I went to.
> Yes do sign him up. Most kids love it and it will be good for him to mix more with boys and adult male leaders as well. Also learning new skills is always a positive thing.


Scouting began in England. Lord Baden-Powell founded and formalized it, though he was influenced by the Woodcraft League of America. Look the badges in Cub Scouting; they are derived from the "Jungle Book" by Rudyard Kipling.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I was never a boyscout, obviously, but I have seen some very good results from those involved.

There are positive real life lessons and good character traits to be learned.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

joannacroc said:


> My son is an indoor, reading, serious little man, at nearly-8. He has intense interests, and has little interest in most outdoor things like biking or hiking. He tends to gravitate towards girls in his year, which I have no issue with. He loves swimming so I encourage that, but is otherwise uninterested in sports. But his BFF (the rare boy who is a friend) who is a little older has talked up boy scouts. He is living most of the time with me (Mom) and I worry he doesn't mix much with kids his own age, especially doesn't bond with boys. I was wondering - is it a bad idea to sign him up for cub scouts or boy scouts? I thought it might teach him some skills to be a little more confident in the outdoors, and hopefully making friends with some boys to see they aren't all bullies. I asked him what he thought and because his friend likes it he thinks he would too. What do you guys think? I never did anything like that because we didn't have it in the UK. What was your experience with boy scouts? Is it worth the time? Is it fun? Did it help you? Any drawbacks?


Of course you should sign him up for the scouts. That's what they're all about, teaching little boys to have some manly skills that they will enjoy and some survival skills and teaching them to appreciate nature. I have to say it's going to depend on which leader whether this is done well or if they're just phoning it in and not really taking them to do the important things. But it can only be good for him. He'll learn to do things and appreciate things like canoeing and being on the water and around the water and camping that will serve him well and round him out and give him some confidence. It's also a perfect atmosphere for being away from your parents under supervised conditions so that the first time that happens isn't college.


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## 10 minutes (Dec 30, 2020)

I would love my sons to join Scouts but their mum is a helicopter parent who won’t let them out of her sight for a moment.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

10 minutes said:


> I would love my sons to join Scouts but their mum is a helicopter parent who won’t let them out of her sight for a moment.


I'm a little guilty of that but I think some independence can be really good for kids.


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## suburbanmom (May 28, 2018)

If scouts where you live are anything like they are in my town, I think it could be a really good fit for your son. Because of organized sports taking up so much of kids' time these days, in our town scouts definitely tends to be the boys who are less sports-oriented. My son (very into sports, mostly friends with boys are also really competitive/athletic) tried it and liked the activities but didn't really mesh with the other kids, and then started playing a travel sport and didn't have time for it anyway.
The boys in scouts seemed nice, bright, more "indoor" as you put it, and definitely not bully-ish.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

10 minutes said:


> I would love my sons to join Scouts but their mum is a helicopter parent who won’t let them out of her sight for a moment.


Oh dear that's sad. It won't do them any good at all being so overprotected. How old are they?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

10 minutes said:


> I would love my sons to join Scouts but their mum is a helicopter parent who won’t let them out of her sight for a moment.


Tell her you will be the scout leader.


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## 10 minutes (Dec 30, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Tell her you will be the scout leader.


There’s more to it than that. She actually opposes any kind of independence or responsibility in children. In my wife’s culture it seems women are expected to do everything so sons remain dependent on mothers then wives for the rest of their life. Going out in nature is also regarded as pointless because it has nothing to do with the comforts of modern life.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

10 minutes said:


> There’s more to it than that. She actually opposes any kind of independence or responsibility in children. In my wife’s culture it seems women are expected to do everything so sons remain dependent on mothers then wives for the rest of their life. Going out in nature is also regarded as pointless because it has nothing to do with the comforts of modern life.


Sorry to hear that. Sounds like the men remain boys forever.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> The sexual abuse claims and resulting bankruptcy aren't a problem for you?


Not every pack has a rat in charge. 
Being paralyzed by fear (and from what-if's) is not a good thing.

Most parents are aware of these past abusive occurrences, and keep an eye out.

Without a doubt, a few bad apples (will/have/did) spoil the larger barrel of scouting organizations.

Cub Scouts are often organized and run by Moms.

Boy Scouts have now joined up with Girl Scouts, to: _Scouts, USA_
Girls can now get the Eagle Scout rating.

Some packs, _likely_, will not change much. 
Some will be, all boys, some, all girls, some mixed.

Mixing the two (boys and girls) makes it different but it is still a rewarding experience for young people.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Not every pack has a rat in charge.
> Being paralyzed by fear (and from what-if's) is not a good thing.
> 
> Most parents are aware of these past abusive occurrences, and keep an eye out.
> ...


I understand the annoyance if scouts are something you have fond memories of, but it was a reasonable question. Tragically any job that allows you access to kids could give you opportunities to do something evil, right? I am so very glad we are closely monitored at my workplace, where I teach because I don't ever want to be in a position where there's any question that I did wrong. Couple of years ago, one of my dearest colleagues was accused of hitting a child at school by one of her students. The other students who were with them at the time of the incident backed up the teacher and were confused why their teacher was told to stay home until they looked into it, but of course they had to investigate. Thank GOD there was video footage from the school's security cameras that exonerated her - at the time she was supposedly clobbering this boy, she was holding his hand and talking calmly to him. She never ever would hit a student, but it is important to ask the questions, and check what accountability there is at ANY job where there are kids because it can still attract a lot of sickos. But I agree, that's no reason not to have kids take part in things. They can't never ever go to church, or scouts, or school, or after school activities and sports. It just means let em go, but in the immortal words of Madeye Moody - constant vigilance (for any signs that could be concerning)!


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## think positive (Jun 24, 2011)

10 minutes said:


> There’s more to it than that. She actually opposes any kind of independence or responsibility in children. In my wife’s culture it seems women are expected to do everything so sons remain dependent on mothers then wives for the rest of their life. Going out in nature is also regarded as pointless because it has nothing to do with the comforts of modern life.


I can tell you from observing kids that were products of the environment you are describing that this type of parenting is NOT good for raising confident men. I work with a bunch of level-headed, hard working millennials that will lead the next generation to success. However, we rigorously vette our candidates to weed out the weak. 

Having said that, many of their male peers are not so fortunate. It is not that they are not alpha males but, moreover they seem to lack any confidence and many are anxious. Helicopter parenting can create anxious men who never seem to grow up. 

While you DO have to warn young men about the dangers in the world you also need them to develop independence. For me scouting and sleep over camp was the most empowering thing I have ever done for me and my sons. 

You should also consider the example you are setting. I fall pray to this too as my wife is..how should I say..”strong willed/mined” and she gets her way (IE allow her to coddle my boys) .

There is a strong body of evidence to suggest that what I am saying is correct. It took time and persistence and things have changed. You owe it to your son to take a stand.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Update - he started cub scouts this fall and it is SO fun. He is really excited and motivated to earn his patches so he ends up spending more time outdoors which makes me really happy. He benefits from time with other kids at the weekend and it's a mixed gender troop due to reduced numbers so he gets to have fun and do stuff with girls and boys. We have been camping and hiking together and had a lot of fun. I'm really glad for the push y'all gave me to sign him up.


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