# Am I wrong for getting turned on by this?



## Munson

Hi,

I could use some advice from a ladies point of view, since I know what the majority of guys would say. 

My GF of 3 years and I moved in together two months ago. We have been fighting a lot as we adjust, but decided we both need to work on our relationship together to make it work. A few nights ago my GF put on some soft-core porn on one of the movie channels. She asked me if I liked and tried to get me in to it. I felt pretty uncomfortable about it because I know she is very jealous (as am I too though) and they are pretty lame. I just joked around about how cheesy it was and the such. Every night since then she has kept putting it on, until finally last night I got slightly turned on by it. When she realized that she flipped out and started yelling at me and saying some mean things. She also said that this is why she can't trust me to go out in public because I can get excited just from looking at other girls. She feels that since I watched the other nights and didn't get turned on that when I did this time it was on purpose.

I understand that she is hurt because she thinks I found the girls in the film attractive and I apologized and told her I didnt and the she is the only girl for me and that it was only the entire situation of watching the film with her that was getting me slightly excited...trust me it wasn't that much "excitment". I also realize would be hurt if I thought other guys turned her on. So I see her side.

Unfortunately though we are still fighting about it because I can't swallow my pride. I feel as though she trapped me by turning the films on but then getting upset when I got turned on by them. She feels as though I control when I get turned on. I apologized that she was upset and that I didnt like the girls in the film, but at the same time I don't want to lay down and let her run me over. I also tried to explain how humans are hardwired to react to some things and that guys are visual beings and sometimes we can't help it. I told her that doesn't mean I found them more attractive than her.

While I want her to apologize for her part she wants me to completely apologize and stop trying to act like it was okay for me to get turned on. Am I wrong for wanting her to realize that she tricked me? Am I a disgusting person for getting slightly turned on by watching this film with her? Am I way off base here?

Thanks for a different perspective on my problem.


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## EleGirl

How old are the two of you?

She did play a nasty gotcha game with you. What was her point it doing this? Porn, even soft porn, is meant to turn people on.

You have nothing to appologize for. Your reaction to the porn that she forced on your is a normal reaction. 

She does need to appologize to you for putting you in this position.

To be truthful, I think that you are going to have a lot of trouble with her. Think long and hard about marrying this girl. The game she played with your is a form of abuse because she is now using it as an excuse for not wanting you to go out in public. It's a control issue.


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## tacoma

You need to dump this chick.

Waaayyy to much instability/sexual manipulation going on in her head.

You can`t win this one, she`s evil.


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## The_Swan

Wait...she viewed soft-core porn with you a few times then gets angry when you get turned on :scratchhead:

Does she think that you are going to tear your clothes off and chase attractive women down the street 

I have gotten turned on watching sex scenes in movies and my husband probably has, too. 
Is she planning to never let you watch a movie again? Shut you in a room forever so you will never look at another woman again? 
Let this one go, man. She's not worth the trouble!


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## uphillbattle

DO NOT APOLOGIZE TO HER. If you do all you are doing is nutering yourself and setting a bad precedent. You have done nothing wrong here and she needs to grow the **** up.


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## DanF

tacoma said:


> You need to dump this chick.
> 
> Waaayyy to much instability/sexual manipulation going on in her head.
> 
> You can`t win this one, she`s evil.


:iagree:
That woman is going to manipulate you forever. And no matter what you do, it is going to be WRONG.


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## F-102

In the legal world, I think they'd call this "entrapment". Face it, she's going to be testing you, and god help you if you give the wrong response-which seems to be ANY response.


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## bubbly girl

Wow. She was looking for a reason to get mad at you. She set you up, and you have nothing to apologize for.

I can't even imagine what would possess someone to do something like that. Get out now before you put a ring on her finger and have kids. She has alot of growing up to do. What she did wasn't about jealousy, it was immaturity. If that's how she normally acts, she'll never make any man happy.

She needs to be made aware of how wrong she was and apologize to you. Don't let her walk all over you on this one.


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## SimplyAmorous

OH my....this is soooooo utterly rediculous, she wanted you to watch, purposely trying to get you into it -and would be pleased if you were bored, uninterested, what the H is the point of that ! Is this how she tests you , to set you up ?

Ok, you are young, but trust me, getting aroused by some porn is NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL, it is the sole intent of the industry..... Man, I would be upset if my husband didn't get aroused ! We watch it together too, soft is the best. He knows I get turned on by those guys, this is no threat to him, he is happy I am horny - I let him watch solo woman sometimes while he lays back with my head under the covers making him a happy boy. 

Doesn't bother me a bit, just fantasy- we are totally monogamous -just enjoy some porn. *If she is getting aroused by it, why can't you*? Or is she going to say she wasn't aroused by it ? 

That was way over the top what she did.

The type of jealousy you both have is fueled by insecurity with each other. It is too much. You are young yet though, I think many times these things need to be grown into.

But you shouldn't have to apologize, you really didn't do anything wrong! 

If I was you , beings you are totally new here, I would even show her this thread you started , let her get on here & post herself -give her perspective so we can reason with her.


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## Lon

She wants to control not only how you behave but also what you think. She most clearly has control issues, that is something you will always have to cope with in your relationship with her.


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## Munson

Thank you all for the responses. I am still fairly young, and by that I mean in the scheme of things. We are both in our late 20s, but this relationship has had a lot of immaturity in it, on both our end. I am not going to try and play the role of a saint.

Another reason why this is confusing to me is because she is always giving me crap about my "manhood". She sees me do something she doesn't agree with and question if I am straight. Example; I bought a step ladder to change light bulbs and smoke detector batteries our new condo and she thought I should buy a 12ft fiberglass ladder, and then one night I baked cookies while watching a basketball game. To her that makes me not a man. But then I get turned on by this movie, like most straight man would, and I am wrong. I feel like I can't win.

We argued about it again last night. After I went to bed (I go to sleep before her because I have to wake up early for work) she left a few notes in the bathroom and kitchen saying I am a jerk and if I was nicer to her she would be nice to me. I just ignored the notes and left for work. On my commute to work she text me saying that she can't believe that I put no effort into our relationship and that I am a-hole. 

I don’t understand what she was expecting me to do? Wake her up at 4:30 AM after I take a shower and apologize to her? Finding notes calling me a jerk first thing in the morning really does not make me want to do that, especially since I feel like I already apologized for more than I should have and that she should now own up to her part. 

I feel like I am in a catch-22, I do not want apologize and be overly nice to her since she wont admit she was wrong and keeps yelling at me, and she just gets more and more mad at me for not apologizing and for saying she is wrong. I am not trying to "change her", but how can I help her see the problem with what happened so she can understand both sides and help so it doesnt happen again.

Again thanks for the responses, I am just trying to get a gauge on the situation from an outside perspective.


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## Wheels65

Run away...Monty Python - Run Away! - YouTube

That's no ordinary rabbit!

All kidding aside, I agree with all who have mentioned control and manipulation issues.


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## The_Swan

Munson said:


> Thank you all for the responses. I am still fairly young, and by that I mean in the scheme of things. We are both in our late 20s, but this relationship has had a lot of immaturity in it, on both our end. I am not going to try and play the role of a saint.
> 
> Another reason why this is confusing to me is because she is always giving me crap about my "manhood". She sees me do something she doesn't agree with and question if I am straight. Example; I bought a step ladder to change light bulbs and smoke detector batteries our new condo and she thought I should buy a 12ft fiberglass ladder, and then one night I baked cookies while watching a basketball game. To her that makes me not a man. But then I get turned on by this movie, like most straight man would, and I am wrong. I feel like I can't win.
> 
> We argued about it again last night. After I went to bed (I go to sleep before her because I have to wake up early for work) she left a few notes in the bathroom and kitchen saying I am a jerk and if I was nicer to her she would be nice to me. I just ignored the notes and left for work. On my commute to work she text me saying that she can't believe that I put no effort into our relationship and that I am a-hole.
> 
> I don’t understand what she was expecting me to do? Wake her up at 4:30 AM after I take a shower and apologize to her? Finding notes calling me a jerk first thing in the morning really does not make me want to do that, especially since I feel like I already apologized for more than I should have and that she should now own up to her part.
> 
> I feel like I am in a catch-22, I do not want apologize and be overly nice to her since she wont admit she was wrong and keeps yelling at me, and she just gets more and more mad at me for not apologizing and for saying she is wrong. I am not trying to "change her", but how can I help her see the problem with what happened so she can understand both sides and help so it doesnt happen again.
> 
> Again thanks for the responses, I am just trying to get a gauge on the situation from an outside perspective.


She's being abusive and controlling. You have done nothing wrong. 
Nothing will ever make her happy, no matter how hard you try. 

Put your foot down. Stand up to her. You don't deserve to be treated like poo-poo. 
Eventually she will wear you down and you'll always feel miserable. 
It'd be easier to let her go now.


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## LovesHerMan

You can try gentle humor with her, teasing her about her black and white attitudes and ignoring her controlling behavior. Deejo has some good posts about how he handled sh!t tests with his ex. He tried to calmly point out how he did not agree with her opinion of his actions.

However, I agree with the others that she is not good wife material. Do you really want to spend your life with a woman whose emotional jealousy and dismissive, controlling attitude will make you miserable?


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## Bottled Up

The overwhelming majority of responses in here with all the same reaction/consensus should be all the proof you need that you're in a bad abusive relationship.

You admit that you have your own immaturity, which is great that you recognize it, but 2 immatures don't cancel each other out to make it right. In fact, maybe some of your immaturity is because of the company you keep. Maybe if you found yourself with a more mature, supportive woman who earns your trust then you will build a maturity in that relationship that's not possible with this girl.

One thing I can tell you right now which is absolutely certain, this girl has all the makings of instability/abusiveness at an early age which doesn't paint a good picture for your future together. You may want to do some soul-searching to figure out if you want to live with this drama for the rest of your life....


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## that_girl

Your gf is a psycho. Move out. Now.


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## Shaggy

She's set you up and is playing you.

Its called a sh1ttest , look up the term and how to respond to them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Munson

lovesherman said:


> You can try gentle humor with her, teasing her about her black and white attitudes and ignoring her controlling behavior. Deejo has some good posts about how he handled sh!t tests with his ex. He tried to calmly point out how he did not agree with her opinion of his actions.


Thanks to all for the suggestion to look up sh!t tests. It sounds like I am on the right path for dealing with this. I had already told her I was sorry she was feeling hurt but that me disagreeing with her opinion didn't make me a jerk, ahole, and prick, as she called me.

We have really been going back and forth for a few weeks before all this happened. And during that time I was just as bad as her during the arguments. Yelling and throwing stuff around. I was out of control. Very childish. Most of the arguments would be started by her, but finished by me. I realize I was out of control and apologized and told her I would try my best for it to not happen again. I am so embarresed by it. I think about it and have no idea what was wrong with me. She is always yelling and screaming at me, so I guess I just couldnt take it anymore since we were living together, I had no place to get away from her. So I think she is still upset by how I act prior to this so she is making a point of not letting it go. 

We have had one similar issue like this before. When we werent living together she came into my house suddenly. I was standing over my laptop with one hand down my basketball shorts. She knows I stand with them there when wearing workout shorts. But she freaked out that I was masturbating to porn, even though she didnt see the screen and didnt confront me about it. She just left without even telling me she was there and called me and yelled at me, so she obviously has some issues with me looking at porn. Which I wasn't. She told me she doesnt want me to, so I dont. As I told her, if I was, I wouldnt do it standing up! She couldn't be convinced.


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## F-102

I'm thinking of one of my favorite Pink Floyd songs: "Run Like Hell".


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## RandomDude

I find it ironic that my wife who can force me erect against my wishes and even did it once to torture me sexually (making me ban hand-cuffs and restraints even to this day) actually understands how the male body reacts and works.

Oh wait... maybe your gf DOES understand, and is using it against you! Just like darth wifey! Heh come to think of it, rather clever. I wonder why the missus hasn't pulled this one on me yet... oh thats right, she knows that I know that she already understands


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## heartsbeating

Put me in a room full of chocolate then ask me if my mouth watered.


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## RandomDude

heartsbeating said:


> Put me in a room full of chocolate then ask me if my mouth watered.


:rofl:
:smthumbup:


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## Debbie Roxs

After reading everybody's posts I agree. Leave now before it gets worse. When you are dating you are on good behavior. If there is abuse or drinking or cheating it usually gets worse after marriage not better. Please leave this abusive relationship then get counseling to find out why you let yourself get involved with this girl and any anger issues you might have.
I think it is awesome that you would go online to a relationship site to get feedback for your problems. That suggests that your willing to learn. I hope the best for you.


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## AFEH

Munson, you have something like a one in twenty chance of marrying a mentally disordered person.

Your “symptoms” for example apologising when you’ve been seriously manipulated and have done nothing wrong, are an exceptionally big sign that your girlfriend has a serious mental health problem.

What will happen, the prognosis is that you will become a codependent, look up and research the term In essence she’ll consistently feck both your mind and your emotions and you will consistently try and fix her, which is impossible for you to do. The term codependent was first used to describe a person who lives with an alcoholic. That’s what you are facing accept it’s not alcohol that’s the problem, the problem is your wife’s mental health.

So spend a while when interacting with her asking yourself “Is she mentally healthy”. Don’t whatever you do mention it to her, just sort of monitor her and be aware she could have deep psychological problems that have a direct impact on you.

You’ve already felt that impact, that’s what brought you here in the first place.


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## Dellia

wifeofhusband said:


> I'm anti-porn but even I can see that this situation is messed up. She put porn in front of you, made you watch it and was upset that you got aroused by it? Not fair. Even if you weren't interested in the women, the thought of engaging in sex, as you are seeing, would probably be arousing. She set you up to fail. And no, you aren't bad for getting aroused by something she pushed on you.


EXACTLY! 

She totally set you up.
Is she always manipulative?


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## some_guy

Reminds me a little bit of my own wife. Had I seen the signs early on, I would have left before I got married. This girl is evil. Run as fast as you can.


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## Munson

Again thank you for the replys.

I went home on Thursday night and talked to her about the issues she was still having with the situation. I apologized that her feelings were hurt but refused to let her believe it was my fault and that she put us in that position.

Everything that has been going on with us, including my own issues, has made me realize that I am not happy in the relationship, and I am pretty sure she is not happy with me. I guess now we need to figure out if we can ever be happy together.


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## ManDup

Munson said:


> We have really been going back and forth for a few weeks before all this happened. And during that time I was just as bad as her during the arguments. Yelling and throwing stuff around. I was out of control. Very childish. Most of the arguments would be started by her, but finished by me. I realize I was out of control and apologized and told her I would try my best for it to not happen again. I am so embarresed by it. I think about it and have no idea what was wrong with me. She is always yelling and screaming at me, so I guess I just couldnt take it anymore since we were living together, I had no place to get away from her. So I think she is still upset by how I act prior to this so she is making a point of not letting it go.


You see there is a huge difference between the two of you though. You recognize you were being childish, and immature, and that how you acted was wrong. Does she? There is no indication of this. My ex went for 21 years without ever once apologizing or being wrong. Somehow it was always my fault. Your soon to be ex is showing many of the same signs as how mine started out. She ended up cheating on me blatantly and wanted me to "share" her. The one and only time she apologized was after I divorced her. Long after. Caveat emptor.


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## tm84

I'm in on this conversation late, but, yeah, she's going to be even more trouble if you decide to stay with this woman. At least you recognize your immaturity, it seems that she has yet to deal with her part in this situation. 

She's being completely unrealistic about your reactions to the porn that she put on and sounds like she has no clue about how basic sexuality works differently for men and women, not to mention the psychological games she seems to be playing. From your post and comments, I'd try to get out of this relationship sooner than later. If this were to get to the marriage stage, you'd be in for a hell of a bad ride.


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## Jellybeans

that_girl said:


> Your gf is a psycho. Move out. Now.


Exactly. She sounds like a NUT.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kobo

Run


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## jezza

Daffodilly - you beat me to it!! Thats exactly what I was going to post! 

Oh well....great minds think alike!


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## sirdano

Wow really she got mad at you getting arrosed from porn???

We have some of the most amazing sex after seeing some and usually all night thing not just a quicky. But this is only in hotel room due to our kids.


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## sisters359

Neither of you is mature enough to be in a successful relationship. If you admit that you'd get jealous of her getting turned on by another man, you are as immature as she is. Please consider getting professional help so you understand that jealousy has *nothing* to do with love. It tends to lead to a lot of ugliness.


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## starburst

RUN


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## hurtnohio

That's the most twisted thing I've ever heard. What's next? Cooking a steak dinner for you and then stabbing you with a steak knife if you salivate? 

Get away from this nut quickly. Change your phone number and locks, too. I'm serious.


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## ozwang

With all due respect mate, your lady friend is crazy.

Good luck with that one!


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## Wifemother

She needs to stop being insecure. I had to learn this myself. You are alive! You are a man! Of course you get excited about porn! She needs to learn to instead of getting jealous about it, to use that as a fun sexy way to have an intimate night with you! I watched real porn with my husband and then we had sex because he got excited and so did it I! She needs to learn that as she gets excited about a sexy man, so do you about a woman and that doesn't mean you want to cheat or that she is not sexy. It takes maturity and willingness to grow together to understand that!


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## Erom

drop her like a hot potatoe.. if she's this freaked by a video THAT she brought into the picture.... it's only going to get worse.... stack a little cash, sneak things out that you're sure she hasn't paid attention too and you know you don't want to have 
dissapear. then walk..run...drive... get get away


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## DocHoliday

It sounds like you BOTH need to grow up.

This is one of the most sicko set ups I have heard of.
She is not going to change (not easily - probably not ever.)

Do both of yourselves a favor and take a break from this DISASTEROUS relationship (you do not even have to give any more details, this one scenario tells VOLUMES about your dynamics.)


And go work on yourself to find out why you were even attracted to/participated in- (yes, you have your part) this behavior in the first place (be truthful, there were probably indicators). If that personal growth is not discovered by you - on your part, you will just find another unhealthy girlfriend.


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## LoveIsWork

From a womans point of view...yea, she played a game to test you. OF COURSE you'll get turned on by porn...ITS PORN...that's kind of the point! She wasn't watching it because she enjoyed it; she watched it to see your reaction. In my opinion she needs to grow up a little bit (I know that sounds mean and I don't mean it as harshly as it comes across). i get jealous when my man gets turned on by other women, but people are people. You don't meet someone and suddenly find all others ugly. She will be that girl that tells you not to even talk to other women.


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## vickyyy

If both of you still wants to works on relationship,you both can go for individual counseling.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

RUN.... What a dirty little game she played. Tell get she needs to grow up and stop playing these games. If she can't trust you, you'll live miserably and she will constantly accuse you of cheating or looking at other women. 

I personally would not marry her. She is not going to change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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