# Help me learn to trust again



## nirvanaozzy (Jan 11, 2010)

Those of you who remember my story THANK YOU SO MUCH! My wife and I are doing very well. I just have one thing I am having a hard time with. She is going to Vegas AGAIN next week for about 5 days. It is for school. A dental hygiene convention. She is going with some friends from school, all married. I just hate the idea of this because Vegas is where her "affair" happened. I can tell she even feels kinda bad about going. I cannot go because of work. I trust her, I just get bad thoughts thinking of her in Vegas again. Any suggestions?!?


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

I read some of your other posts. I'm glad I'm not you. I'd be a wreck. My wife's late night clubbing brought me to this site as well. I'm not sure there's anything you can do but see how she is when she gets home. See that she doesn't sneak out of the room when a text or call comes in. Her cell should be available to you at all times. She should go out of her way to leave it somewhere you can see it. 

Don't interrogate her, but she should be able to talk for hours about how her trip was and what she did. My wife would go to lunch with a friend and tell me about it for hours. Five hours at the clubs, however, and NOTHING. Not even telling me where she went. 

I know that's no help. I guess I just wanted to give a little solidarity from someone with a similar problem. 

Good luck.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Why worry..what goes on in Vegas, stays in Vegas.:scratchhead:


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

2Daughters said:


> Why worry..what goes on in Vegas, stays in Vegas.:scratchhead:


I'm sure that helped.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I haven't read your other posts, but I'm getting the basic idea that she cheated on you and you guys are working it out. That's a great thing. I would, instead of dwelling on negative thoughts about her being in Vegas, look at this as an opportunity to give your trust to her. It's a chance for you to give her that trust, and for her to show she deserves that trust. If you really are concerned about what might happen there, tell her before she leaves. Try to be as nonaccusatory as possible, maybe phrase it as "You know, I'm still working on getting past what happened before. I'm a little nervous about this trip. I know you regret what happened and that you won't do it again, but I can't help feeling a little worried." This way, she can reassure you, and if she's truly trying to make it work, she might even take extra steps to ease your mind, maybe calling you more often while she's gone or doing something to go the extra mile to prove that she really loves you and won't mess up like that again. And you...work on telling yourself that if she didn't love you and didn't want to be with you, she wouldn't be. When those negative "what if" thoughts start coming into your mind, shove them out with more positive thoughts of things she's done to prove she can be trusted, things she's done to prove she loves you, etc.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Really? You are not helping his trust issues.
Cody5 and Atruckersgirl gave some sage advice however.


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## nirvanaozzy (Jan 11, 2010)

Thank you so much, that is great advice, I totally agree with you, great to hear it from someone else. Thanks again. This really helps


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Have you heard from her?


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## nirvanaozzy (Jan 11, 2010)

She just left this morning. We had a very good talk before she left this morning. She assured me everything is great between us and that she would never want to put me/us through that again. It really helped. Now I just have to make it till Sunday...


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Oh. Good for you. It's over a weekend...


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Come on man! I'm on pins and needles...


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

:rofl:


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

Well I'm a little late coming to this thread but I was thinking you could have asked her to pass on the convention this time until the trust and relationship were back on solid ground again. We have a right as a cheated on spouse to ask for relationship boundaries that are comfortable to both parties while there is a healing process...and out of respect and love for the hurt spouse it should be honoured.


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## nirvanaozzy (Jan 11, 2010)

Amanda, I did think about doing that but this was a once in a lifetime opportunity so I let her go. She called me often while she was there and went with a good married friend of hers. Everything went great. I missed her and she missed me. Her going on this trip without me and everything going well helped me regain that trust a little. Thanks so much everyone!


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