# Loveless Marriage



## Heather (Jan 21, 2009)

!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Heather-

Just a question here... was it after he developed ED that he stopped all other forms of intimacy? How long since he stopped the Viagra?


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## Heather (Jan 21, 2009)

Love making was the only form of intimacy. I have always been the one to pursue hugs and kisses for their sake. A year or so ago, As a experiment, I stopped hugging and kissing him, hoping he would miss my affection and come and hug and kiss me - he didn't. We tried Viagra 3 times in 2004.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

So you've had no sex or intimacy of any kind since 2004?

When you used to initiate cuddles and touching, was he amenable to that?


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## Heather (Jan 21, 2009)

No and No. He also refuses to discuss it.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Well if he's having erectile difficulties of course out of the bedroom intimacies like hugging kissing and touching are going to make him feel uneasy. Every loving gesture by you reminds him that (in his mind) he is less than a man and can't perform sexually.

If he distances himself from all intimacies then he is not reminded of his sexual problems and it lessens the feelings of guilt and shame.

This is why, in most sexless marriages, ALL intimate gestures stop. After a 20 year no sex marriage I feel uncomfortable even giving my wife a goodnight kiss although in my case the problem is not sexual dysfunction but lack of attraction but the results are the same.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Mr. B-

Have you read "Mating in Captivity"?


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Hi Mark...I haven't read it cover to cover but I have read excerpts. And I agree when she says that marriage can be a sexual trap which you can't escape without bringing your life crashing down around you.

But the methods for marital improvement she suggests are built on a base of the couple who love each other. In this she is not so different from the many other Sexperts out there. If there is no love and no sexual attraction or arousal her methods fail.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Mr B said:


> But the methods for marital improvement she suggests are built on a base of the couple who love each other. In this she is not so different from the many other Sexperts out there. If there is no love and no sexual attraction or arousal her methods fail.


No, that is not the main thrust of her book at all. It's about people who come from non physical parents, where no intimacy was demonstrated. Rather than repeat myself, just read my synopsis here under the heading *too much closeness*: Sexless Marraige? Although the article is primarily about women, this particular issue seems to span both genders equally.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Very interesting.. you did a nice job summarizing the book. Although I think the thrust of mt original ideas about the book are true. However perhaps I should have changed it to say that rather than love there has to be at least a willingness on the part of at least one partner. I myself am not looking for a guide to tell me how to wake up a dead horse, I need a book that tells me how to live with the smell....:rofl:


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