# Maybe he knows he wrong



## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

Could my husband already know he slacking on his hubby duties? And that's the reason he is distancing himself away from me? Does he know not to come and want sex? To me it seems like he doesn't care ANYMORE!


Do mean know when they are respectful denied or the women is not in the mood because of there actions?

Or is sex suppose to be the remedy???


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think more information or context is needed... Maybe he's distancing himself because football season is starting up?

C


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

No that would be me I am the die hard sport fanatic he is the computer geek !


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

curious0 said:


> Could my husband already know he slacking on his hubby duties? And that's the reason he is distancing himself away from me? Does he know not to come and want sex? To me it seems like he doesn't care ANYMORE!
> 
> 
> Do mean know when they are respectful denied or the women is not in the mood because of there actions?
> ...


How is he slacking in his hubby duties?


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

He works 11 hrs days, we don't talk much. He doesn't get to spend anytime with me . When he is home he is still working. He is brunt out on wanting to spend quality time as a couple he can only make him self available for a quickie that he wants me to initiate. He can only rub my leg or ase to get me aroused.etc etc'


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

I don't ask him to help me around the house other then put up a towel rack or setup an Ikea furniture thingy . Oh and kill a rodent or pick up a died rodent because unless my child is in danger I'm not touching or killing a spider. He has to much on his plate to worry about laundry or washing a dish. His kids demand his attention enough so I don't delegate them task to him at all. My womanly duties I hold him accountable for he must take of me ... as I should take car of him but he has been so caught up in the military and work I've been on the neighbors back burner that's how far outta the picture I am. 

P.s I have had a lot to drink so excuse the run ons .....


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Working 11 hours per day plus overtime while at home is NOT slacking in his duties.

He's working hard to provide, and you're thinking of your own needs.

Or, he's using work as an excuse to avoid you.

Instead of the "what", you need to determine "why".


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A man's "duties" to his wife are not just for him to work and bring in an income.

I believe that the OP is using the word "duties" to mean sex with her, spending time with her, etc. He does seem to be slacking in those 'duties'.

The "why" is always the issue. In most marriages that get to this point, one of the biggest problems is that the person who is not living up to their 'duties' will not open up about it.


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## Gorky75 (Aug 22, 2012)

curious0 said:


> Could my husband already know he slacking on his hubby duties? And that's the reason he is distancing himself away from me? Does he know not to come and want sex? To me it seems like he doesn't care ANYMORE!
> 
> 
> Do mean know when they are respectful denied or the women is not in the mood because of there actions?
> ...



Well, there is not enough information to make an educated guess but the work good be a symptom or the cause. You may wabt to try increasing the frequency of sex for a while and see if things change. If not, you know it is not the sex and you can move onto other things. As always, open comm with your partner is the best way to go - so you could try that too!


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Working 11 hours per day plus overtime while at home is NOT slacking in his duties.
> 
> He's working hard to provide, and you're thinking of your own needs.
> 
> ...


Yes he is working hard to provide, but to the point where he isn't home nor do with get the chance to be together? I appreciate him for being successful but to what cost? 

As longs as he is working and provising is that an all exclusive excuse to forget the whole reason he got married and had children? 

Do I not get to yearn for my husband's Love and affection beside sex. Or do I train my mind that I don't need anything from him other then his sex and money?


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

curious0 said:


> Could my husband already know he slacking on his hubby duties? And that's the reason he is distancing himself away from me? Does he know not to come and want sex? To me it seems like he doesn't care ANYMORE!
> 
> 
> Do mean know when they are respectful denied or the women is not in the mood because of there actions?
> ...


As I know your issue from other threads, I'll weigh in here.

I'm not going to say that he doesn't care, as I don't know that. What I think is more likely is he doesn't know how to care.

On the flip side, it could be a protective measure related to sex in the marriage as well.

Some men (women I assume as well) do distance themselves from their spouse after sexual rejection, even if it's not a repeated thing. For some men, sex is their way to connect and feel close to their partner. When they get told no, it's like a rejection of themselves.

Think of it in a different scope. If you were feeling not as close to your husband and you needed a hug from him. If he turned to you and said 'I'm not in the mood to give you a hug now, maybe I will in a day or two,' you'd be hurt. 

To some men, sex = that hug.

It can be a rock and a hard place though. He may not be doing the things you need, whether conciously or subconciously, because there isn't enough sex. Meanwhile, you aren't in the mood for sex because he's not meeting your needs. It's just a vicious cycle that goes on and on, and spirals more and more out of control.

As I said in the other threads, I think the biggest issue in your marriage isn't the sex or even him not meeting your needs, it's a lack of open and honest communication. He very well may not understand your needs. Meanwhile you have asked some questions in the above quoted post that really, you should be able to ask your own husband.

Build that communication level up first, and then you can start to delve into what will and won't improve the situation. He may very well think he is doing everything right (goes to work, earns a pay cheque, view all his hours as working for you and the family, etc.) and not see where he's weak or lacking. The same applies to you.

Hopefully the two of you can start to build that communication level up soon.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

curious0 said:


> Yes he is working hard to provide, but to the point where he isn't home nor do with get the chance to be together? I appreciate him for being successful but to what cost?


He needs to find a happy balance. I understand the value financially of working hard to pay off a house in five years, but what good is that if no one is there to share it with? It's only a house. It becomes a home when you share one with your family.



curious0 said:


> As longs as he is working and provising is that an all exclusive excuse to forget the whole reason he got married and had children?


No. If you were working all the time, should you be allowed to forget his needs, such as sex? Nope, and he shouldn't be allowed to forget your needs under the guise that he's taking one for the family by working so much.



curious0 said:


> Do I not get to yearn for my husband's Love and affection beside sex. Or do I train my mind that I don't need anything from him other then his sex and money?


You shouldn't train your mind at all. You should expect, at the bare minimum to get from him now what you got from him the day you married him. You married him for what he offered at the time with the understanding that would continue. It clearly isn't on some levels.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

when I started worrying that my man and I were growing apart and he wasn't giving me the "attention" I needed I started having sex with him more. no strings attached. I gave him BJs and HJs and climbed on top and did my thing. I decided that from now on going forward sex was the "default" and not the "reward" for a job well done elsewhere. 

and guess what? he started being nicer. more attentive. listened to me. told me about his day. what he was worried about. sought me out to help him work out issues. doing things around the house. coming home from work earlier. 

going back to this OP: I have watched your threads and all of the myriad requirements you foist upon this man (not that he might not DESERVE some of them, but that is another story and very ancillary to my point.) keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting. why not do a 180 and just seeing what happens? if you have even 25% the result I got I have a feeling you will be amazed. 

it's true sometimes I don't feel the love but I do it anyway and then I find I do get into it, at least a little. but if I don't no big deal. I do my workout, take the dogs for a walk, etc. every single sex session does not need to be a full-bore "love event!"


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## VickyInmano (Aug 24, 2012)

I am the die hard sport fanatic he is the computer geek !


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

mina said:


> going back to this OP: I have watched your threads and all of the myriad requirements you foist upon this man (not that he might not DESERVE some of them, but that is another story and very ancillary to my point.) keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting. why not do a 180 and just seeing what happens? if you have even 25% the result I got I have a feeling you will be amazed.
> 
> it's true sometimes I don't feel the love but I do it anyway and then I find I do get into it, at least a little. but if I don't no big deal. I do my workout, take the dogs for a walk, etc. every single sex session does not need to be a full-bore "love event!"


U say the myriad requirements that I put on him as if he isn't required to put in an effort. If you follow my post u would no I require him to do the bare minimal. My thing is the only thing I want from him, is him to be there for me. I do get into the sex when he wants to but he wants the "love event" I'm good with him being satisfied because I don't need the sex to make me feel love or desired. Yes I've always thought it was sad that the simple act of sex would allow him to move mountains, but I quickly learned the value of sex to him. No if I need to initiate and and satisfy his love language I need to feel mine.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> A man's "duties" to his wife are not just for him to work and bring in an income.
> 
> I believe that the OP is using the word "duties" to mean sex with her, spending time with her, etc. He does seem to be slacking in those 'duties'.
> 
> The "why" is always the issue. In most marriages that get to this point, one of the biggest problems is that the person who is not living up to their 'duties' will not open up about it.


A man that works all the time is a sign that he doesn't get the validation and respect he wants and needs from his family.

A man who's good at his job and works hard will get the respect he craves there. People will admire him, and the more he tries, the more he will get there. It comes in the form of raises, promotions, the extra perks and the 'atta boys' affirmation.

If a guy tries at home and can't get that, it is incredibly addictive to get it at work. Men are rather logical, and if people appreciate him at work and not home, that is where he will devote his time and energy.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

[QUOTEA man that works all the time is a sign that he doesn't get the validation and respect he wants and needs from his family.][/QUOTE]

that can be but FAR too cookie cutter for In general man" IOW plenty of men dont get the respect and validation and "wants and needs" at home and do NOT work all the time as a result..As well as there are plenty of men that have the respect and validation needs and wants met at home but its not the same as the respect and validation they feel earning more money and getting the respect and validation you get in the workplace form colleagues and superiors......

A man who works "too much" isnt necessarrily beign neglected at home..a man being neglected at home doesnt always work too much...


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