# I am happy & love him, why do I feel this?



## amberash (May 21, 2013)

deleted


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I would suggest breaking it off with your boyfriend. Your attraction for him is fading, and you are not committed. He deserves better.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

amberash said:


> I have been with my bf for just over 1.5 years.. he is an amazing person, we’re best friends, he makes me laugh, he treats me amazing, he has an awesome family- the type of man you know will be a good husband/father.. I describe our relationship as best friends who are attracted to one another.. We have so many things to our relationship that I see us being happy when we are 60. I am 31 and he is 30, I feel like I have dated a lot before him, been through many ups & downs, I have been engaged to Mr. Wrong, had 3 long terms prior and many short things in between.. I feel that when I met my bf he had everything I wanted on paper and just personality wise, he was a good man with a ton of great qualities, why wouldn’t I have fallen in love with him!
> 
> As I mentioned, we’ve been together just over a year & half and although our sex life is still GREAT, it has faded lately. I would say due to my lack of interest.. I still love him, we’re affectionate together- but my interest in sex has diminished and I haven’t been sure why. We are at a high point, we have been in our new home together 3 months now, I have a feeling a proposal could be coming very soon. I have zero complaints about our relationship or him that would affect me not being with him. The only change I have noticed is my sex drive plummeting.. I enjoy our time together and cuddling, but my sexual interest for him is definitely taking a turn for the worst even though he is awesome in bed!! Is that normal? I just don’t feel like myself… I don’t feel excited to have sex, I don’t feel that urge to be passionate with him or even kiss him sexually. Lovingly, of course- I constantly kiss and hug him- but in a sexual way NO. Not for any reason, I really can’t put my finger on it. I sometimes go to bed and pretend I am sleeping when he tries to touch me, so that I don’t have to make love (that’s awful). When we are sexual it’s great, feels amazing and I enjoy it. The urge is just not there to do it often- I wondered if medically I had a problem, but I have never experienced this before?
> 
> ...


 The infatuation period of being with your boyfriend has worn off and now that it's time to put some effort into keeping the spark, you are going on girls night out and flirting with other men. It's okay, your not married. Just don't get married. To anyone. Your boyfriend deserves a chance at an honest adult relationship. So give him that chance. Just so you know the grass is greener on the other side so you will be happy with your choice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eight2Six (Nov 27, 2013)

Sounds like you are afraid of commitment. You said you feel a proposal is coming and that scares you maybe. It is okay to want to be sure your boyfriend is your soul mate. And it is okay to be attacted to other people. I have been married 24 years and I assure you I have been attracted to other women and like the feeling of being flirted with but that is where is stops. Anything beyond that is not okay or fair to my wife. You need to decide real quick on what you are doing and why. You need to stop contact with the tall man immediately at least unless you break it off with your boyfriend first if that is what you decide to do. You should not try to do both at the same time. Not fair to either guy. It's not all about you. Don't string anyone along. Don't become Ms. Wrong.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Sexual attraction, and that is exactly what this is, is a function of the limbic system, it's autonomic. It's not a decision you make because someone is vaguely pleasant to be around. You've already "friend-zoned" your BF, so it's time for you to move on. If you marry him, you will "coincidentally" run into an endless string of men just like your new man and you'll be like a beetch in heat, always looking to recapture that magic 'gina tingle. That's the way it works when the guy you're with doesn't measure up to you subconscious sexual requirements.


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## amberash (May 21, 2013)

I figured I must get some negative, cut me some slack, I didn’t cheat, I haven’t met the guy I haven’t done anything wrong at this point that makes me a terrible human. I realize attraction may fade, and I guess that is what I am trying to figure out is that normal even if you love your husband/wife? I am not married yet… I have not committed to anything. I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting to make SURE before I do commit the rest of my life to my partner. I would want HIM to be also… I have a very high value of marriage, my parents have been marriage for over 40 years. I don’t want to be another statistic and be divorced. I want to get married once and until the day I die… Which is why, sure maybe it scares me a little, I want to make absolute sure I am with the right person so I won’t have these feelings when I am actually married. I want to resolve this now, even if that meant being honest with my boyfriend and not making any decisions about marriage until these feelings go away. I don’t feel like I have done anything wrong, you can’t control your feelings- they are there for a reason. Doesn’t mean they are the right feelings, but that is what I am trying to do is to understand them and figure out WHY I feel this way. If I have to go to a counselor I will also do that, I’m not exactly sitting here happy and excited about this situation, I haven’t eaten for three days it makes me feel sick!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

amberash said:


> I figured I must get some negative, cut me some slack, I didn’t cheat, I haven’t met the guy I haven’t done anything wrong at this point that makes me a terrible human. I realize attraction may fade, and I guess that is what I am trying to figure out is that normal even if you love your husband/wife? I am not married yet… I have not committed to anything. I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting to make SURE before I do commit the rest of my life to my partner. I would want HIM to be also… I have a very high value of marriage, my parents have been marriage for over 40 years. I don’t want to be another statistic and be divorced. I want to get married once and until the day I die… Which is why, sure maybe it scares me a little, I want to make absolute sure I am with the right person so I won’t have these feelings when I am actually married. I want to resolve this now, even if that meant being honest with my boyfriend and not making any decisions about marriage until these feelings go away. I don’t feel like I have done anything wrong, *you can’t control your feelings*- they are there for a reason. Doesn’t mean they are the right feelings, but that is what I am trying to do is to understand them and figure out WHY I feel this way. If I have to go to a counselor I will also do that, I’m not exactly sitting here happy and excited about this situation, I haven’t eaten for three days it makes me feel sick!


You are right, you can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions. You actively sought out the other man and made contact. I suspect you have not told your boyfriend because contrary to what you have said here, you actually do feel that your actions are wrong.

True, you are not married yet, but this deep into a relationship where you are considering the idea of marriage, your level of commitment should already be at the marriage level as in not seeking out other men.

I have been with my STBW for about the same time you have been with your boyfriend, and we have gone in the opposite direction...our attraction towards each other has continued to grow every day.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Also reading back over your original post, it seems that you have constructed a fantasy life around the other man already even though you know almost nothing about him. Seeing him as someone you would absolutely marry? Really? What is lacking with your boyfriend that your imagination would run this wild about a man you know almost nothing about?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

> I want to resolve this now, even if that meant being honest with my boyfriend and not making any decisions about marriage until these feelings go away.


You've already started an emotional affair. You describe your boyfriend as a great guy so he doesn't deserve to have you cheating on him. You think he's ready to commit to you. You need to come clean so he knows where he actually stands with you.

So be honest with your boyfriend. Print out this thread and give it to him.


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## amberash (May 21, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Also reading back over your original post, it seems that you have constructed a fantasy life around the other man already even though you know almost nothing about him. Seeing him as someone you would absolutely marry? Really? What is lacking with your boyfriend that your imagination would run this wild about a man you know almost nothing about?


I did make a comment that I know nothing about this tall man really- just the little information I have- I just meant his appeal is the same appeal as I see my boyfriend- he's a good guy type. I see sometimes women have the nice guy at home, yet they have sexual fantasies of these bad boy types... I don't want a bad boy, I'm over that and has absolutely no appeal to me. This new guy seems like a husband/father type as well- my attraction to him that I don't have with my boyfriend (and never had really) is that isn't chemistry feeling.. Butterflies? I don't know I have never had them before lol. I know I hear often people saying I want butterflies, I always thought this sounded stupid because I'm almost 32 and I have never had those not even when I was like 12 lol.. I have them with this new guy- that is VERY weird for me and I don't know what it means and I'm trying to figure out why. I wasn't searching for this, I didn't want this feeling, I didn't sit there everyday with my boyfriend and think god, I want some butterflies! I didn't even see this coming a mile away and I don't know what it means.


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## amberash (May 21, 2013)

If I hear from one married person (male or female) who has had this feeling before and tell me I'm being an idiot, and just ignore it and go ahead and love and marry my boyfriend I will feel better. I am worried this feeling I have for this new person, is a sign I am not supposed to be with my boyfriend? But why? I was happy before that night- I didn't think there was any men out there who could ever peak my interest. I was happy saying, "this is it!" and thinking of my future with my boyfriend.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

amberash said:


> I have been with my bf for just over 1.5 years..
> 
> I am 31
> 
> ...


OK, your only 31. You have been engaged

You have dated A LOT (your words)

3 long terms prior and "short things" in between.

And now, at the 1 1/2 year mark, you are bored. 

You like sexual variety, plain and simple. I make no value judgements against you for it, but its clearly who you are, at least at this time in your life.

The choice here is simple. Be honest with current BF, cut him loose, and you both can continue with your lives.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

amberash said:


> If I hear from one married person (male or female) who has had this feeling before and tell me I'm being an idiot, and just ignore it and go ahead and love and marry my boyfriend I will feel better.


Sorry, but I don't have that kind of power over people's life...



amberash said:


> I am worried this feeling I have for this new person, is a sign I am not supposed to be with my boyfriend?


One night of an emotional attraction and this is the conclusion that you draw? Do you think that none of us see and meet other people that we are attracted to? Most of us are happy with the person that we are with and do not want to risk losing all of that, and might I add, hurting someone who we love.



amberash said:


> But why? I was happy before that night-


Ummm... no you weren't.... You said yourself that you were faking being asleep. You said yourself that you were concerned about your feelings of desire waning.



amberash said:


> I didn't think there was any men out there who could ever peak my interest. I was happy saying, "this is it!" and thinking of my future with my boyfriend.


In other words you were happy with "settling" for your boyfriend. 

You know what?  There is nothing wrong with settling with someone. I think there is a point in all of our relationships where we say I "think" I have found the one I want to build a life with. Seeing as how every day is new and every day has new challenges how can any of us be 100 % sure that this relationship we are in is going to work out?

But we give it a chance and we love with all of our heart. I do not see you loving your boyfriend with all of your heart anymore. Are you sharing everything that is in you with your boyfriend? If you are faking sleep now what will you be trying to pull on him in the future?

Ultimately you have to decide for yourself. You need to make your own choices. You know nothing about this other man, and that is good, because now you have to make a decision about your future as an adult makes one - with no guarantees that ANYTHING will work out for the better.

That's is the cold hard reality of life and relationships.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

amberash said:


> I did make a comment that I know nothing about this tall man really- just the little information I have- I just meant his appeal is the same appeal as I see my boyfriend- he's a good guy type. I see sometimes women have the nice guy at home, yet they have sexual fantasies of these bad boy types... I don't want a bad boy, I'm over that and has absolutely no appeal to me. This new guy seems like a husband/father type as well- my attraction to him that I don't have with my boyfriend (and never had really) is that isn't chemistry feeling.. Butterflies? I don't know I have never had them before lol. I know I hear often people saying I want butterflies, I always thought this sounded stupid because I'm almost 32 and I have never had those not even when I was like 12 lol.. I have them with this new guy- that is VERY weird for me and I don't know what it means and I'm trying to figure out why. I wasn't searching for this, I didn't want this feeling, I didn't sit there everyday with my boyfriend and think god, I want some butterflies! I didn't even see this coming a mile away and I don't know what it means.


It's Mother Nature. Most women get a big urge to move on between 4-7 years of a relationship, then again at the 12-14 year point. They used to call it the Seven Year Itch. Psychologists have several theories on why this is, most say it's an inherent reproductive strategy. Whatever the reason, you've lost sexual attraction. When women do this, jealousy or free of replacement by other women is about the only fix. I take it your BF isn't exactly having to pry strange women off his leg all day.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

amberash said:


> If I hear from one married person (male or female) who has had this feeling before and tell me I'm being an idiot, and just ignore it and go ahead and love and marry my boyfriend I will feel better. I am worried this feeling I have for this new person, is a sign I am not supposed to be with my boyfriend? But why? I was happy before that night- I didn't think there was any men out there who could ever peak my interest. I was happy saying, "this is it!" and thinking of my future with my boyfriend.


Again, this is nature. However, this usually crops up 4-7 years in when it's a committed relationship. For the first 20 years of my marriage, I was approached by women all the time, some were very attractive and hard to resist. Since I was married and committed, these women were easy (usually) to turn away. You aren't committed and you aren't married. Your BF is not the BF you are looking for.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

amberash said:


> I figured I must get some negative, cut me some slack, I didn’t cheat, I haven’t met the guy *I haven’t done anything wrong at this point *that makes me a terrible human. I realize attraction may fade, and I guess that is what I am trying to figure out is that normal even if you love your husband/wife? I am not married yet… I have not committed to anything. I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting to make SURE before I do commit the rest of my life to my partner. I would want HIM to be also… I have a very high value of marriage, my parents have been marriage for over 40 years. I don’t want to be another statistic and be divorced. I want to get married once and until the day I die… Which is why, sure maybe it scares me a little, I want to make absolute sure I am with the right person so I won’t have these feelings when I am actually married. I want to resolve this now, even if that meant being honest with my boyfriend and not making any decisions about marriage until these feelings go away. *I don’t feel like I have done anything wrong,* you can’t control your feelings- they are there for a reason. Doesn’t mean they are the right feelings, but that is what I am trying to do is to understand them and figure out WHY I feel this way. If I have to go to a counselor I will also do that, I’m not exactly sitting here happy and excited about this situation, I haven’t eaten for three days it makes me feel sick!


Actually, you have done something wrong IMO. People in committed relationships should not be chatting up strangers in bars or clubs (check out the thread started by Tears to see where this leads). If you feel that denying yourself this freedom is too confining then you are not really committed to your relationship.

ETA: Girls' Night Out strikes again...


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## firefly789 (Apr 9, 2013)

Amberash, it's actually good that you are facing this now, before you are married. Hopefully, when you do marry whomever, you will be affair-proof for having to face this and think through this now.

I don't believe in soul mates or love at first sight. (I do recognize lust at first sight.) Does this mean that your bf is not the one for you? I don't know. 

I've been married for 24 years. Has it always been butterflies and intense emotions? No. There are times when it's drudgery going through life together. Kids, aging/ailing parents, work issues, health issues, you name it. But, we're partners together and that has never changed. Once you're married, I think you have to be a little hard headed to stay married long term. Does that mean you're never attracted to someone else? Being married doesn't mean that you have both eyes poked out and no longer feel things. No, you just keep that bubble around you and never, ever act on it. It's a part of life that you accept. No looking up the person on social media, no fantasizing about a life with them, no wondering what if.

However, you're not married. That's why it is good that you face this now and chew on it. You are attracted to this man. Would life be better with him? Hard to know. Why did he divorce? What issues does he have? Will you be happy long-term without an intense attraction? Will the intense attraction wane?

Sorry, but I don't know the answer to any of the above questions. My biggest concern would be that you have no sexual attraction to your bf. Where do you go from there? That one I can answer. Your bf will end up in a sexless marriage after you have kids. Then he'll be posting here, unless you come to terms with this. Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. 

I would opt for counseling, or just letting the bf go and seeing how this works out with the new guy. Just remember, the grass may not be greener and sometimes there is no going back. It is interesting that this comes at a time when you should be super happy with the bf and think a proposal is coming soon.

Sorry I don't have any answers for you. Maybe counseling to talk through this?


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## A.non.y.mouse (Jul 26, 2013)

First of all, some people have been very harsh. I don't think you're a bad person--you are just very confused.

You think your problem is your feelings for this new man, but that isn't your problem at all. Here are your problems as I see them: 

1) you have lost sexual interest in your man

2) you have allowed yourself you become infatuated with another man and then pursued him. Look, I go on girls nights out quite a bit, so no judgement. But to let yourself be cornered into a `chat` with a man you are attracted to is wrong. It`s asking to cheat. If you cannot behave yourself, then you shouldn't go to bars alone, period. And then you actually tracked him down on twitter?! Come on, you had to know what you were doing is wrong. It`s basically cheating. You are just inviting trouble... Because you subconsciously want it,

It`s time to move on from your boyfriend. Maybe the new guy is the guy for you.. Who knows. But your boyfriend clearly is not.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

It sounds like you're not ready to be in a committed relationship yet. I'd urge you to come clean to your BF and free both of you to pursue the type of relationships you are really looking for. The grass will always seem greener when it really isn't. Just different grass. I think you also need to look within to see why you aren't content. Otherwise this will keep cropping up throughout your life. Best of luck.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

You wanna know why he is divorced? Cuz some woman was sick and tired of his Sh!t! Seriously, it sounds like you have poor boundaries around men. Most people in a committed relationship would not talk (meaning flirt) , hug, or follow someone of the opposite sex on twitter.

So I can advise you to do one of three things-
-you and BF take a break and see if new guy is better (while being aware he may find someone better and if things don't work out with new guy, you lost it all!)

-It seems you have already emotionally cheated, so might as well have sex with new guy and risk whatever you gain (STDS) or lose (your Bf finding out.)

-You stay with BF and spice things up, knowing that relationships are ebb and flow. But without you having proper boundaries, will an engagement or marriage change that? If not, do not commit to anyone and just have fun.

I give this advice, not in haste, but because I have lived it! I have done things I am not proud of in the names of being "in an open relationship." It all made me just feel like I loved my current love even more, but I risked my bf finding someone better, which he almost did! We have been together almost 24 years now. 

Just know that if you don't put boundaries around you two to protect the relationship, you will always think there may be someone "better". Maybe he will find a younger, hotter, thinner, botoxed, face llifted, tummy tucked bleach blonde who he thinks is "marriage material." How would you feel then?

Have an honest talk with bf, he may be feeling the same way. Once you are married there will be less room for error (Sorry hunny, been following this guy on twitter and I am pregnant with his baby!)

Good luck!


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## questar1 (Aug 4, 2011)

You're overthinking this IMHO.

It's really fairly straightforward. Everything you describe is very human and normal and it doesn't necessarily "mean" anything. It's not really an emergency. 

What it is, though, is a clear signal to take a break--from all of it. You need to be with nobody right now. You are going to make yourself and two guys crazy otherwise. 

Gut feelings are incredibly important and you don't have to understand them to heed them. Get out. Go away. Take some time off. Sit and think. 

Mr Right? Mr Wrong? EA? Fiance? 

No one has an answer, least of all you. And that's a perfect space to be in. Take a break. You need it.


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## Kaci (Mar 11, 2013)

sandc said:


> It sounds like you're not ready to be in a committed relationship yet. I'd urge you to come clean to your BF and free both of you to pursue the type of relationships you are really looking for. The grass will always seem greener when it really isn't. Just different grass. I think you also need to look within to see why you aren't content. Otherwise this will keep cropping up throughout your life. Best of luck.


:iagree:


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## Daisy2714 (Sep 22, 2013)

amberash said:


> I have been with my bf for just over 1.5 years.. he is an amazing person, we’re best friends, he makes me laugh, he treats me amazing, he has an awesome family- the type of man you know will be a good husband/father.. I describe our relationship as best friends who are attracted to one another.. We have so many things to our relationship that I see us being happy when we are 60. I feel that when I met my bf he had everything I wanted on paper and just personality wise, he was a good man with a ton of great qualities, why wouldn’t I have fallen in love with him!


OMG you are writing my dating experience with my husband! Please do not marry this guy. I'm not even concerned or addressing the issues or attraction you have to Mr. Tall and Electric from the bar... that is only a symptom of a bigger problem. Read through some of my posts and you will understand what I'm saying but trust me, you are not in love with this guy and you should break it off, move out and find out what you really want.

Oh, and, you should disconnect from Mr Tall and Electric at the same time. All that chemistry you are feeling is just exactly that... CHEMISTRY! You really need to figure who you are and what you want without the interference and cloudiness that comes with being emotionally connected to someone.


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## Cobre (Feb 24, 2013)

instead of talking with your bf about the lack of sexual interest, and how you have never really had feelings for him like a gf should. you dived head first into a new prospect who caught your eye.asking your gf about mr.tall and then looking for him on twitter, then chatting your feelings with him? When you don't talk to your SO about problems that come up in a relationship you can't then wonder why you are confused and wondering what to do, why not talk with the person who you are living with and have been in a relationship(more like friendship when you don't want to have sex with him and fake sleeping) with for more that 1.5 years?!!? Have you been talking relationship problems with mr.tall and not your bf? the next shoulder to cry on, turns into a d*ck to ride on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cobre (Feb 24, 2013)

all that energy you put into finding mr.tall, when you have problems in your own relationship that you could have contributed it to instead into something positive to the both your bf and yourself. There is more that just yourself in the relationship you share with your bf, he should know about this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## browneyes74 (Sep 1, 2013)

Maybe your BF ISN'T the one for you.. 

I broke up with a BF of 3 years, b/c I found myself looking at other men.. B/c I knew if I had interest, then he was no longer for me.. That's just how I am wired.. It's a little more in depth than that.. I gave myself heart and soul to that man, and he just wasn't as in to me, I think, so it was a good thing.. 

I figured after 3 years, and not married, and started to have feelings, it meant, this was not to be.. 

When you are married, it's a different thing.. And quite honestly, I was with my H for 10 years, married for 8, and I won't say I wasn't exposed to temptation, but he was my everything.. He was my family.. Even 5 months out of finding out he was cheating on me for months, and he's moved in with some [email protected], I still have a hard time imagining myself with someone else, even though we haven't been together since then.. 

If, at this early stage, you are dazzled by someone else, honestly, I think it means he's not the one.. 

Just because someone looks great on paper, doesn't mean they are great for you.. And maybe they will be even better for someone else.. who knows..


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

amberash said:


> If I hear from one married person (male or female) who has had this feeling before and tell me I'm being an idiot, and just ignore it and go ahead and love and marry my boyfriend I will feel better. I am worried this feeling I have for this new person, is a sign I am not supposed to be with my boyfriend? But why? I was happy before that night- I didn't think there was any men out there who could ever peak my interest. I was happy saying, "this is it!" and thinking of my future with my boyfriend.


Break up with him.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

OP, While your relationship is at a low point, your boyfriend has no chance to compete with a fantasy in your mind. You already think that the guy at the bar is "marriage material" and you hardly know him. If you stay with your boyfriend at this point, you might always feel you settled and wish you had tried for more. 

However if you feel that this fantasy guy of yours is going to be an endless dream that leads to a wonderful marriage, you're almost certain to be very disappointed. Your current boyfriend might be the love of your life, but you won't know for sure until you lose him.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

You are my wife 22 years ago. Please leave your boyfriend. For HIM, not you. It would have killed me back then, but I'd be happy now. My wife settled for safe, not passion. I found out recently that my life has been a 20+ year lie. Pretty bad. Ever have your PAST change? Me neither, until I went through it.

Please do not do that to him.


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## browneyes74 (Sep 1, 2013)

Guys, c'mon.. you're beating up someone who's actually doing something right here, if you think about it.. 

Dating is about forming attachments, breaking attachments, until you meet the right one.. 

You are crucifying someone who is DATING someone for not committing for LIFE. REALLY?!?! C'mon.. this is life.. 

Obviously, she HASN'T met the right one.. Let's not use our own sad stories to paint everyone with the evil brush.. 

She is NOT married, she is NOT engaged.. Let's get real.. 

She's asking if she should commit to someone when she has feelings for someone else, and you are all jumping on the bandwagon that YES! she should! THIS is dating.. 

She is NOT a bad person for this.. A bad person is cheating on their spouse or even someone they are engaged to.. 

She has not cheated.. She is questioning whether her feelings mean she truly loves her BOYFRIEND.. let's get that straight. BOYFRIEND. 

And the answer is.. probably not.. 

BUT.. that doesn't make her the anti-Christ.. In fact, I think it makes her a better person, b/c at least she's THINKING about it.. 

let's face it.. our cheaters, said, hey, here's this nice person, who wants to marry me, but I'd like to get some strange *** on the side, so, I'm just going to lie and get that strange *** and tell my spouse how much I love them, b/c i do, in my own way, as much as I'm capable, and hope it ends up well.. 

what's better? 

I'll take an honest person any day, thank you..


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## Daisy2714 (Sep 22, 2013)

browneyes74 said:


> Guys, c'mon.. you're beating up someone who's actually doing something right here, if you think about it..
> 
> Dating is about forming attachments, breaking attachments, until you meet the right one..
> 
> ...


With no offense meant, I'm actually suggesting that she should NOT marry him. I don't think she is evil. I think she is genuinely confused. She doesn't understand why she's so conflicted when she has such a great guy. I've been there. 

I'm simply suggesting that regardless of how great a guy he is, she's not in love with him and it would be best to quit the relationship and find out what she is looking for. At the very least, take a step backwards and move out to gain some clarity. 

I agree with you that she has not cheated although she treading on dangerous ground. But no, I don't think she's awful. I think it takes some bravery on her part to come to a forum like this and even verbalize how she is feeling. 

Kudos to her for that.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

browneyes74 said:


> Guys, c'mon.. you're beating up someone who's actually doing something right here, if you think about it..
> 
> Dating is about forming attachments, breaking attachments, until you meet the right one..
> 
> ...


LUST is what it is. I mean is LUST that important? She might not have enough maturity to understand this is all it is. People out in the game are out in the game for a reason, they aren't trying to find a wife. So for her to marginalize the one who wants and has shown he will be committed to her gets no adios from me.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

Speaking of a woman's sexual drive, are you taking oral birth control? I myself and my sisters and girlfriend have made coloration between decreasing sex drive and a pill. 

As far as your interest in a stranger, sounds like you are bored and just want butterflies. I am surprised it is that soon, only 1,5 years..


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

browneyes74 said:


> You are crucifying someone who is DATING someone for not committing for LIFE. REALLY?!?!





amberash said:


> we have been in our new home together 3 months now, I have a feeling a proposal could be coming very soon.


That's a little more than dating, dude. And yes, it looks like a life commitment is in the works.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

I'm afraid to say that you will just get hung for a crime that you have not committed at this point, if you post on this site. I have never encountered so many self-righteous people who say they are 'giving advice' in my life before.
I feel for you, I think you should maybe confide in a close friend and talk it through...you probably know the answers, but can't see them whilst in the middle of the crazy, confusing things going on in your head at the moment.
It is actually very easy to get caught up in something like this, it is how you deal with it, and your following actions that count. I would suggest that you have a bit of time away from you bf while you sort your feelings out, and stop making contact with the other guy also until you know what you want to do.
Good luck


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Jule99 said:


> I'm afraid to say that you will just get hung for a crime that you have not committed at this point, if you post on this site. I have never encountered so many self-righteous people who say they are 'giving advice' in my life before.


Self righteous is as self righteous does....

It seems to me that if you are asking for opinions you are going to get ... wait for it... opinions.

I don't have to agree with her to give her my opinion. And I don't see where anyone has really beat her up.

 But you are new here (23 posts is new) and you don't know the types of threads that are so similar to this one - but have already gone too far to be saved.

If this gal is as independent as she says she is then she will be able to handle the strong opinions and find her own truth. 

YOU should read a lot of these posts again. Many of them were speaking from experience. 

THAT is not self righteousness....


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

you've checked how many posts I've made? hmm, that's interesting. My opinion counts as much as yours, I was simply saying it as I see it. I live in a different country to you all, so very, very rarely look on here, and this girl's post just made me feel for her as she is obviously in a dilemma - that's all there is to it. I honestly think that sometimes people get put on trial on here, instead of given advice. That is just MY OPINION, and I am sure if this girl thinks my response is rubbish then she will just ignore it, as she should if that's the case.
Your response to my post just proves my point - comment to the person with the problem.


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## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

treyvion said:


> LUST is what it is. I mean is LUST that important? She might not have enough maturity to understand this is all it is. People out in the game are out in the game for a reason, they aren't trying to find a wife. So for her to marginalize the one who wants and has shown he will be committed to her gets no adios from me.


I agree - love at first sight is usually lust... But it might be a very powerful feeling which is difficult (but possible) to resist... 
The question here - does OP has enough reasons/motivation to resist? 

OP didn't have such chemistry with her bf at all - and that makes the situation more difficult.

I had such "love at first sight" twice in my life and should say it's very powerful feeling. However, it usually it wears off within 2 years. If you don't start the relationship, probably, even sooner.

The decision is fully up to the OP and depends on her values list.

I personally believe that every person should experience such crazy love in life - but not on the other person expense, of course...

Amber,

I don't know what to advise, really... Put a list of all pros and cons - see what you can loose and what you can gain - and try to make the decision on rational level.

You have enough dating experience to choose a man who is good match for you - and you told us you found such a man... Do you want to let him go? 

In 2 years time (if you marry your bf), the new guy will be just a memory...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I didn't read everything in its entirety but will say this: if you do not want to be with your boyfriend, then let him go. As for New Guy, you barely know. It's normal to feel sexually attracted to others (we are human, after all)/to find them attractive, but acting on it is not good, as you already know, so you do not need a lecture on that. If you do leave your boyfriend, just know that there is no guarantee of anything with this new person. You said he's recently divorced and IMO, recently divorced folks some times have to sort through their sh!t before getting into another relationship (I speak from experience).


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