# Cannot seem to trust My Husband at work ever since texting/calling female co-worker



## OneSmartWife (Dec 12, 2012)

Hello! I'm having problems trusting My Husband while He's at work due to Him texting Female Co-workers in the past. Is it possible to ever trust again or should I just say forget this? That's not what I want but I don't deserve to go through all of this stress and worrying. I'm 27, My Husband is 37. He's a quite kind of Guy except around People He knows. Which obviously that doesn't matter. I would have never expected this from Him at all but it has happened with 2 Females from work now. The first time I found Her number in His call log. I called Her and She said it was nothing like that and what ended up happening was She quit the job because I threatened to come up there out of anger. So the trust ended up building back up. Keep in mind that happened after a year or so of being married. A year or two later on New Years day 2011 I find a message in His phone when I needed to use it because Mine was dead. The message said "I can't stop thinking about You". When I read that, My heart dropped as I sat there for a minute I said to Him "Who's number is .." He paused for a minute and I could see the nervousness setting in. He replies that He doesn't know. I said apparently You do know since You cannot stop thinking about Her. Meanwhile I'v already called and got no answer but hear the name Joy on the voice mail. I ask who She is and He finally admits She's a temp worker at His job. Then I find out from Her that She is not a temp worker, she had worked there a year but He'd never mentioned Her as He talks about works a lot. She tells Me I'm over reacting and taking it way over board and that They hardly talked. So how the hell couldn't He stop thinking about Her? Come on now! I dug into call logs where I could only go back to November where I found calls lasting up to an hour sometimes longer. All during work hours some after while I went out to dinner with Friends. She said nothing sexual ever happened but They both lied at some point so I don't trust either! Since then, I don't trust My Husband at work with any Women and He gets mad when I bring that up as to why I don't trust Him there. Oh and when I visit His job they don't look Eachothers way or say anything but when I'm on the phone with Him I hear Her yell His name in background or hear Her sing or laugh and it just instantly makes Me mad. I love Him so much and never expected this but I'm just getting so overwhelmed and aggravated when He's at work that I wonder if it's even worth it anymore .


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## OneSmartWife (Dec 12, 2012)

Oh i forgot to mention the cake on the topping to Him and Joy is one night My Husband said Him and some guys from work were going to dave and busters. I was okay with it although i had a funny feeling because He doesn't like those sort of People. He was gone until about 2am and I was furious when he got home and I knew something didn't seem right. I soon found out that She went that night but he sure didn't mention that. In fact i asked if it were all males and he said yes. That was october of 2010 so when the January thing happened I asked if She were there and She said yes but that They didn't even talk. My husband called her and told Her not to tell Me that She was there. She told on Him. She also said They'd not be talking anymore unless work related. I just don't believe it.


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## OneSmartWife (Dec 12, 2012)

Doesnt like those sort of Places not people. Sorry typo!


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Simple answer here. You are only 27. He is a 37 year old dog who is a cake eating cheater. You don't mention having any kids so time for you to move on.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

There is no doubt that he is chasing, and perhaps, bedding other women. He is adept at hiding it from you.

I think it's time to go as he has no respect for you and is betraying your faith and trust.


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## OneSmartWife (Dec 12, 2012)

I didn't mention the Children because staying together for the sake of the Children isn't something I agree with because it's not healthy. I have a 10yr old Daughter and We had a 3month old Daughter. I am not sugar coating anything, Just asking for advice. He has no phone unless He has a secret one. He chooses not to use one after that whole situation. He says He learned His lesson and that He just wants Me to trust Him again and blah blah. It's just difficult when I'm constantly wondering while He's at work. He also still never mentions Her or any female at work hardly and when I asked why He only mentions the males He says that I over react about the smallest things so He saves the argument. To Me that's still lying even in the smallest way. It's just these small things that make it to where I seriously wonder if trust can even be regained and if I'm wasting My time.


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## OneSmartWife (Dec 12, 2012)

HAVE a 3month old Daughter *


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It sounds like your H is having a long-term physical affair with Joy. He's not even hiding it very well. It's really up to you whether you want to live your life this way. You're young. You still have plenty of time to find a man who will be faithful to you. There are lots of them out there. The one you have isn't one of them. Sorry.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

Wow! Your story sounds almost identical to mine, except my stbxh has admitted to EAs with two female co-workers (among a whole bunch of other crap) but still denies it ever going PA. 

What explanation did your H give for the texts and calls?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> It sounds like your H is having a long-term physical affair with Joy. He's not even hiding it very well. It's really up to you whether you want to live your life this way. You're young. You still have plenty of time to find a man who will be faithful to you. There are lots of them out there. The one you have isn't one of them. Sorry.


:iagree:


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

I agree, it sounds like he is still having the affair. Get some VAR's (Voice Activated Recorder) and place one in his car and any other places he talks in private and you'll have your proof soon enough.


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## creative (Apr 23, 2013)

*Cannot seem to trust My Husband at work ever since texting/calling female co-wo*

Trust in how you feel. I was a type of guy in your husbands position; loving the attention the woman gave me at work, keeping secret texting and phone calls from my wife, pretending to go out with the 'guys' making up fabricated stories because why I did it at the time?: the lie was exciting. The lie grew into an affair, the other one fell in love, I didn't feel the same, the wife was wanting to know why I was spending so much time texting (trying to smooth thing over between the fling & keeping the lie going ) until...I came to find myself. I realised that it was all fake. I wanted the wife at home for security but wanted 'fun' on the side. But it wasn't fun, it was an ego-feasting exercise to loose myself & disconnect from my wife and reality. It's not real, it's all fake but seems like an exciting journey at the time. 

Your checking is all justified and the red flags are behavioural traits he's expressing to keep the lie going. What worked for me to change? Taking responsibility for my own actions and to admit that it is only a game & I was spending wasted energy & time to keep it on the treadmill. What can you do? Know that you are his security, & what happens when his security is taken away? He feels insecure. I'm not suggesting a separation or a divorce but if he thinks the cat and mouse game is worth it, then it requires you to gain some power back. What you can do is to change your focus in how you deal with it. Remember now, the tide has turned & he NO LONGER has the power to control how the course of the relationship goes with his co-workers or with you, cos YOU HAVE THE POWER NOW! What is that power? You are now armed with KNOWLEDGE about him and his little secretive BS club he belongs to. If he is being an immature little F***HEAD like I was, then make him choose what he wants & out right (be assertive is the key to break the cycle), that if he wants to grow up being a family I.e., have you, him & your kids under on roof & continuing the life journey together, then tell him "TO FIX IT" (get angry, get REAL ANGRY!!!). Remember who has the POWER to control the course of your own happiness? That's right, YOU DO! He doesn't.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

OSW, trust your gut feeling, always. If you feel that your husband is up to something, he probably is. Keep reading threads here to get a better idea on what you can do to figure out what he's up to. 

Don't let him know that you post on this site if you can help it. You don't want him knowing what your game plan is.

Stay strong.


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## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

OneSmartWife said:


> Hello! I'm having problems trusting My Husband while He's at work due to Him texting Female Co-workers in the past. Is it possible to ever trust again or should I just say forget this? That's not what I want but I don't deserve to go through all of this stress and worrying. I'm 27, My Husband is 37. He's a quite kind of Guy except around People He knows. Which obviously that doesn't matter. I would have never expected this from Him at all but it has happened with 2 Females from work now. The first time I found Her number in His call log. I called Her and She said it was nothing like that and what ended up happening was She quit the job because I threatened to come up there out of anger. So the trust ended up building back up. Keep in mind that happened after a year or so of being married. A year or two later on New Years day 2011 I find a message in His phone when I needed to use it because Mine was dead. The message said "I can't stop thinking about You". When I read that, My heart dropped as I sat there for a minute I said to Him "Who's number is .." He paused for a minute and I could see the nervousness setting in. He replies that He doesn't know. I said apparently You do know since You cannot stop thinking about Her. Meanwhile I'v already called and got no answer but hear the name Joy on the voice mail. I ask who She is and He finally admits She's a temp worker at His job. Then I find out from Her that She is not a temp worker, she had worked there a year but He'd never mentioned Her as He talks about works a lot. She tells Me I'm over reacting and taking it way over board and that They hardly talked. So how the hell couldn't He stop thinking about Her? Come on now! I dug into call logs where I could only go back to November where I found calls lasting up to an hour sometimes longer. All during work hours some after while I went out to dinner with Friends. She said nothing sexual ever happened but They both lied at some point so I don't trust either! Since then, I don't trust My Husband at work with any Women and He gets mad when I bring that up as to why I don't trust Him there. Oh and when I visit His job they don't look Eachothers way or say anything but when I'm on the phone with Him I hear Her yell His name in background or hear Her sing or laugh and it just instantly makes Me mad. I love Him so much and never expected this but I'm just getting so overwhelmed and aggravated when He's at work that I wonder if it's even worth it anymore .


Please come back and let us know you are alright.

It seems as though your H isn't all he's made out to be, unfortunately, it would seem, like a lot of our spouses.

But being here to off load and share with people who are going through similar might afford you some advice on what you should do next.

Many veterans here to give advice on moving forward, in evidence finding and so on....or simply to just be an ear when you need to blow off.

Hope you are OK.


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