# The guilty sometimes telegraph their true nature



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I'm far enough out from the divorce that I can now find humor in some of the goings on during the worst of it all.

When my ex-wife was cheating, and still denying it, she was convinced that I was recording her somehow. I wasn't, but she was convinced.

Anyway, our house was on a slope, so the more open part underneath was a workshop area, the rest a progressively narrowing crawlspace. Piping, heater ducts, wiring all under there, including phone wires.

One day I had to redo the phone wires, extending them to bedrooms as we modernized the house. I was under there a couple hours on a Saturday. She kept coming down to check on what I was doing.

I put in extension jacks in the bedrooms.

After that? She accused me of bugging the house. I mean, would bring it up all the time. It was annoying.

Finally, out of frustration, I said "maybe I did! But you'll never know!"

So after a month of so of this crap, she decides to go inspect under the house, convinced that she would find the "bug" I must have planted.

I could hear her under there crawling around with a flashlight. The kids were really curious as to what she was doing under there too. 

I don't know what got into me but when she was under the tightest part of the crawlspace, I went over there, than stomped hard on the floor, right where she was.

She screamed under the house and must have dropped the flashlight, was dark under there. Ex had a bit of a terror moment and fury when she came out, all dirty, her hair a mess.

At the time? It was a big drama.

But later? Hilarious!

Why? 

Because she was cheating, using the phone to talk to the jerk and was afraid I'd busted her.

I should have realized it back then that she had tipped her hand, her guilt was giving her away. 

She had no reason to think I was bugging the house. OK, after a month of her accusing me any chance she could, I made that snappy comment. But she was convinced way before then.

I really enjoy now thinking of her so worried that I'd bust her that she would crawl around with the dirt, spiders, cobwebs, and plumbing trying to cover her tracks--in the dark!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ha!


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## Knips (May 23, 2017)

If my wife would accuse me of bugging the house i would say: So what, what are you worrying about... unless you have something to hide... tell me more.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

What an idiot! She should have been looking for cameras not microphones...this isn't the 60's.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Bananapeel said:


> What an idiot! She should have been looking for cameras not microphones...this isn't the 60's.


This occurred in the early 1990s. She thought since at one time i worked for a major telephone company that I had some clever way of putting something on the phone line.

As if!


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Michzz,

I remember we were at a shopping mall and my wife had a mini breakdown when she thought I said I saw one of the men I suspected of being an OM and had asked her about. This OM is the worst possible one of the current known set.

She also telegraphs her attraction to men who look like this potential OM.

You sometimes wonder why the waywards leave these landmines in their lives never knowing when they are going to step on one.

Tamat


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## Ljwin (Nov 21, 2017)

I actually bugged my house last year, listened live to every detail. That how I got her to finally admit to it. Her response to this now is “I cant trust you you’re crazy, you bugged the house” my response “you ****ed another man behind my back and took everything away from me for an old man who has a trail of broken homes behind him, good luck being step mum to 4 kids from 0-16 (his new wife was pregnant and has just had the baby) who’s the crazy one now loser! Oh and me and the kids are off backpacking round the world, se ya!”


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

yes this was a big red flag and a bona fide "sign." Cheaters are often the most suspicious, jealous and paranoid people on earth. 

Had you wrote here back then about her suspicious and paranoid behavior, you would have been advised to actually go ahead and bug the house and check her phone records and computer etc. 

when people have a seemingly irrational fear of someone else doing fishy things, they are often the ones up to no good.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Knips said:


> If my wife would accuse me of bugging the house i would say: So what, what are you worrying about... unless you have something to hide... tell me more.


Lmfao. If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to be afraid of or anxious over.


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## Sauvie Island (Jul 4, 2018)

Looking back, my 'well duh" red flag, was her sleeping ONTOP of her cell phone for a year and a half straight.


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

Ex-boyfriend gave me the keys to his house, and often said that he would really love it if one day I visited him by surprise.

One day he said he was feeling down and depressed. We talked on the phone, and I was busy with work. After much thought, I decided to surprise him to lift his spirit, and I thought I could finish my work in the evening.

On my way to his place I stopped at his favorite bakery and bought him his favorite flat bread (He LOVES it), and just popped at his door. I used one key to open the gate (he lives in a gated community), but didn't use the key to his actual house. I knocked on the door.

He was sooooo startled, not a bit happy, to see me at his door. Instead of thanking me for the flatbread, he asked why didn't I bring two! After he slowly came back to his mind, he asked me, "what if I didn't answer the door, what would you have done?" I replied, "I would have opened it with the key!" and he almost fainted at my answer. Seeing him becoming pale, I said, "I would have called you before I opened the door." 

I was puzzled at his weird reaction and weirder question, because he had always said that his dearest wish was to see me standing at his door unannounced. 

A couple months later I found out he was having an affair with a married woman. She would come regularly to his place while her husband works late into the night waiting tables at a restaurant. 

Now I laugh when I remember his panicked face


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

In retrospect, the red flags, the telegraphing of a cheating spouse can seem pretty obvious when finally caught cheating. I guess time together and trust blur the lines. 

When my WW was cheating with OM1, I was pretty much un-educated to the classic cheating wife script. The only real suspicion I had was my gut. In retrospect there were more red flags waving than half time on a Friday night. 

So she is a Teacher and having an affair with her Principal at the school, imagine that!. The thing is this guy was a real jerk. She and I both knew him as a fake pretty boy that would say anything (lie) to make himself look better. For years, she would just roll her eyes when ever a topic of conversation came up about him and the school. 

Then a couple of years after he got the job her attitude suddenly changed. He now is this kind, genuine man that would do anything for his teachers. Maybe the best principal she has worked for. WHAT? I worked out at the same gym with him. He was nothing more than a 2 face player.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

RWB wrote, 

*Then a couple of years after he got the job her attitude suddenly changed. He now is this kind, genuine man that would do anything for his teachers. Maybe the best principal she has worked for. WHAT? I worked out at the same gym with him. He was nothing more than a 2 face player.*

Funny how another part of the script is that women gradually grow towards someone they previously scorned, although hate can be a form of hidden love. Perhaps women like men they don't love, and love men they don't like, as Oscar Wilde observed.

My W follows a similar trajectory with OMs, I hear about the guy and the amount I hear grows until it goes silent. 

My W never notices that the OM is talking about things most people don't discuss with others, but she has a special relationship.

The most recent guy is "cute" according to my W, goes to the same church. We'll see if this one goes anywhere. He is much younger I believe, but my W looks like his W.

Tamat


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

Currently going through divorce process. Decided to end it for a multitude of issues of which one is infidelity.

She called me while I was on a business trip a few months ago. Never does this. The tone was immediately obvious that something really bad was up. Our "family friend" had died very suddenly. I was shocked and unable to come up with much other than to say, "that's terrible". All the while thinking "At least the POS won't be ****ing my wife anymore!" No, I did not attend the funeral.

True story...
Not kidding


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Idyit said:


> Currently going through divorce process. Decided to end it for a multitude of issues of which one is infidelity.
> 
> She called me while I was on a business trip a few months ago. Never does this. The tone was immediately obvious that something really bad was up. Our "family friend" had died very suddenly. I was shocked and unable to come up with much other than to say, "that's terrible". All the while thinking "At least the POS won't be ****ing my wife anymore!" No, I did not attend the funeral.
> 
> ...


Why didn't you call her on it? maybe something like "i guess you really wore him out...was he at least smiling?"


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Why didn't you call her on it? maybe something like "i guess you really wore him out...was he at least smiling?"


At that point it really didn't matter. I was already preparing for divorce and want this to go as smoothly as possible. And try to take the good advice here that my best revenge is a life well lived.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Idyit said:


> At that point it really didn't matter. I was already preparing for divorce and want this to go as smoothly as possible. And try to take the good advice here that my best revenge is a life well lived.



While I get that, there is certainly nothing wrong with calling her out on her illicit actions, that has nothing to do with a well life, it has everything to do with not being played a fool.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Behavioral characteristics like hers only goes to prove that "A guilty conscience is always telling!"

No matter how deep she dug her hole, she still couldn't dig it quite deep enough to fully conceal the body of her wanton and covert corpus dilicti!

It all ultimately "comes out" through either her conscious or unconscious reaction to have been a willing participant in it!*


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

Lostinthought61 said:


> While I get that, there is certainly nothing wrong with calling her out on her illicit actions, that has nothing to do with a well life, it has everything to do with not being played a fool.


Ah, I see where you are going with this now. At the time of her telling me that he died I chose not to let my inner demons fly. Since then I have made it very clear that she hasn't fooled me at all. Her expert tactic was to try and hide n plain sight. Didn't work.

And. With her being a solidly diagnosed and frequently displayed BPDer the art of war is more effective than shock and awe.

Maybe I should start a thread to get some help on this.


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## frustratedinphx (Dec 29, 2007)

Projection is a funny thing... I’m a reformed WS/BS. My real life hacker husband started tracking my every move on all my devices post D-day. I understood why & let him- have nothing to hide. His paranoia wouldn’t end, even when he looks foolish accusing me during legit, completely verifiable moments.

Turns out, he’s hid lots from me post-D day. Unfortunately because of his tech skills (runs a digital privacy company), I’ll never really know the full extent. Let’s just say it’s a full time job hiding & covering up dirt, but eventually everyone gets sloppy. 

He’s already told everyone about my sins, but would DIE if I outed his new ones. They’re the kind you can’t explain. I won’t bc life’s too short to be vindictive, but dang!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

michzz said:


> This occurred in the early 1990s. She thought since at one time i worked for a major telephone company that I had some clever way of putting something on the phone line.
> 
> As if!




Do you two still talk?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Jharp said:


> Do you two still talk?


Absolutely not. I want nothing to do with her.


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