# Is this a normal trend?



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I have been reading TAM only a few months and have noticed that the ppl that are getting closer to R are the men on here. Is this normal? From what I have read when a woman is the one to decide to end a marriage it is more likely to occur (to end in a D). 
Maybe it's just the men on here that just get lucky!?

Have there been any men changing their minds on separating am I forgetting someone since this NYE?


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

The "end" of a marriage is not the same thing as a formal divorce.

I stay in my marriage because I don't want to be a part time father. If I thought that a divorce would result in my son living with me and my wife paying child support it would be easier to consider.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

remember there are also lots of false reconcilliations on this forum too


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

In my case I am heading to D. I did post a question in the R section but it was mostly a question. I am fed up with her actions of permanent separation. I have changed my mind and will continue in the D mindset. I have asked to get back together to multiple "No"s. Many things were up to her, now it is up to me. I wonder what that will be like. I will not be an ego booster, a back up, or a friend in an unrequited(in every aspect) relationship. I hope you are doing well.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

I've seen that too..the women are more ready for separation or divorce where the men want to reconcile..don't know why but I've seen alot of that too..My husband never gave up on me and I really felt like we were done..I am so thankful for his determination because now we are way more connected.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Agast84 said:


> In my case I am heading to D. I did post a question in the R section but it was mostly a question. I am fed up with her actions of permanent separation. I have changed my mind and will continue in the D mindset. *I have asked to get back together to multiple "No"s. Many things were up to her, now it is up to me*. I wonder what that will be like. I will not be an ego booster, a back up, or a friend in an unrequited(in every aspect) relationship. I hope you are doing well.


That's been the case men asking and the women coming back and trying. False R or not, it seems to be the women are the ones that left/came back but not so much for the men coming back to the women. Not that I want a False R, I would just like some hope/faith. I know this abandonment that they are going through I would never want them to feel again. I was reading the MLC forum and just felt like I should set him free... and move on. I guess I am not ready for it yet ... it must be the meds talking


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Men will put up a lot and second guess their decision once they've left but their ego won't let return feeling vulnerable. A lot of times men just need to feel that the chase is worth it and that they are worthy protectors, or feel nurtured. This is what I know from leaving bad ex gfs before marriage, and the only ones I've considered returning to where the ones that showed me I was a better provider and protector still after a long time going dark. It's similar with women but men need to feel more "mothered" in a way.

You have to keep determination at this time if you have any hope or true reconciliation. People are just babies and will pitch a fit until they get their way, such as divorce, even when it's the worst possible option. Sometimes you just have to let them get their way and see they've made a grave mistake. As I like to think of it, if you were a good person and made him happy for most of your marriage he will miss you eventually. It's up to you if you want to give him another shot months or years down the line.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

Mamatomany said:


> That's been the case men asking and the women coming back and trying. False R or not, it seems to be the women are the ones that left/came back but not so much for the men coming back to the women. Not that I want a False R, I would just like some hope/faith. I know this abandonment that they are going through I would never want them to feel again. I was reading the MLC forum and just felt like I should set him free... and move on. I guess I am not ready for it yet ... it must be the meds talking


She wanted to separate forever.She didn't really want to try to fix things, originally wanted to live as friends till death. The thought of little to no affection made me unbearably depressed. I had been through that for 2 years.


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