# Am I doing someting wrong?



## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

First to give you some background: Married 22 years (first marriage) I am 43, wife is 46. Two children, 14 and 12. Sex life has been generally good. Wife has some minor hangups, but nothing severe.

Since we dated, my wife has never been able to orgasm from PIV. She had a couple partners before me, and was not able to with them either. She claims that she has never masturbated... ever in her life. 

Since we dated, I have been getting her an orgasm after foreplay, before PIV. Usually things start with touching, then oral, then me manually stimulating her to orgasm, then PIV. She cannot orgasm from oral or a vibrator. (Trust me, I tried over the years). Also, she won't touch herself during PIV. 

When I manually stimulate her to orgasm, it takes only a couple minutes. It's never one, most of the time it's 4-5, and sometimes up to 10 or so. After the first one, the others some very quickly; like in 5-10 seconds. Then after a 15-30 second rest, I can start rubbing her again and she will have another orgasm. Usually the intensity keeps growing with each subsequent one. 

I have tried many times to quickly switch to PIV, hoping that being exited from the manual stimulation she would orgasm from PIV, but it has never happened. No matter how hard or long, or what position. She says it feels great, but no O. I have also tried oral after manual, without success.

I have been reading other posts where some have "figured it out", but I am at a loss what I could do differently.

Any advice is appreciated.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

are they clitoral or g-spot orgasms? i think you'd have better results if they were g-spot and you changed the angle of your penetration when you're ding piv.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

A simple question. Is she satisfied with how it is now?

I am asking because I am trying to see if this is about her, or about you.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I would go PIV after #1 Orgasm but also try to become one with her. In other words, don't just do the porno thing and start banging. Get inside, as far as you can and bear hug, go slow, go deep and talk to her, kiss her and massage her, all the while PIV.

I used to think that PIV was all penis at work, but it's not. It's mental work and using every part of your body to stimulate her while doing PIV. At least this is an option to try.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

Married&Confused said:


> are they clitoral or g-spot orgasms? i think you'd have better results if they were g-spot and you changed the angle of your penetration when you're ding piv.


Exclusively clitoral. I have not been successful in getting her a g-spot orgasm.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> A simple question. Is she satisfied with how it is now?
> 
> I am asking because I am trying to see if this is about her, or about you.


She says that she's satisfied. However, in the past when we talked about it, she has expressed disappointment of not being able to orgasm from PIV. But it's not like she brings it up often.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

UMP said:


> I would go PIV after #1 Orgasm but also try to become one with her. In other words, don't just do the porno thing and start banging. Get inside, as far as you can and bear hug, go slow, go deep and talk to her, kiss her and massage her, all the while PIV.
> 
> I used to think that PIV was all penis at work, but it's not. It's mental work and using every part of your body to stimulate her while doing PIV. At least this is an option to try.


I have tired slow, fast, medium... quickie.. romantic... dirty.. Had a lot of practice in 22 years..


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

One other thing to note, for the first 10 years or so, she could only orgasm by tensing up her muscles and clenching her legs closed.. so I would rub on her clit with an extended finger. The last several years she has been able to relax her legs after the first orgasm.. so the second and subsequent ones are with her legs spread.

I am mentioning this because I suspect some of this may be psychological. Perhaps a mind issue?


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## sscygni (Apr 13, 2016)

It may be a technique thing. My wife comes easily from manual or oral stimulation. She can also come by PIV, but 9 times out of 10 it is by "grinding" against me to stimulate her clitoris rather than thrusting. One of the best positions for that is a "scissors" position which applies plenty of pressure and allows her to control it.


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## sscygni (Apr 13, 2016)

WhySoBlue said:


> One other thing to note, for the first 10 years or so, she could only orgasm by tensing up her muscles and clenching her legs closed.. so I would rub on her clit with an extended finger. The last several years she has been able to relax her legs after the first orgasm.. so the second and subsequent ones are with her legs spread.
> 
> I am mentioning this because I suspect some of this may be psychological. Perhaps a mind issue?


It sounds to me like there is a lot of sexual repression at play as well. It seems like she is slowly evolving with time, but it will always be an issue. Sounds familiar, unfortunately.


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

WhySoBlue said:


> She says that she's satisfied. However, in the past when we talked about it, she has expressed disappointment of not being able to orgasm from PIV. But it's not like she brings it up often.


Does she say this because it bothers HER, or is it because you've communicated a disappointment that she now feels responsible for?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

WhySoBlue said:


> I have tired slow, fast, medium... quickie.. romantic... dirty.. Had a lot of practice in 22 years..


25 years here. My wife has just started having PIV orgasms without manual stimulation.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

sscygni said:


> It sounds to me like there is a lot of sexual repression at play as well. It seems like she is slowly evolving with time, but it will always be an issue. Sounds familiar, unfortunately.


I think you are right. Which I believe is one of the reasons why she claims to have never masturbated. I actually talked to her about this recently when it came time to have "the talk" with our son (actually a couple years ago). We both agreed that the message to our kids is that masturbation is natural and normal in a private setting. She wholeheartedly agreed.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

Capster said:


> Does she say this because it bothers HER, or is it because you've communicated a disappointment that she now feels responsible for?


I think it used to bother her, but then she did some reading and read some statistic that 70% of women don't orgasm from PIV, and rationalized it as normal.

The couple times I said something, it was along the lines of "wouldn't it be nice".. not that I was disappointed. I still feel the same way.. that it would be nice, but it's not something that is bothering me. What prompted me to post was reading about this topic on several other threads where (usually) the guy says that once he learned how to please his woman, their sex live improved. So I just wanted to see what/if I was missing the boat in some regard.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

UMP said:


> 25 years here. My wife has just started having PIV orgasms without manual stimulation.


I'm all ears!!


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

If we start off with PIV, it's not often that Mrs. Lurkster will O. 
If we start off with oral, or manual, or a toy, and she O's from any, she will have a O when we switch up to PIV. 

For one, she had to get into it all and let loose She was a bit uptight at first. 
And, she needs to get primed, before being pumped up. :wink2:

Took some years for us to figure it all out. 
The practice isn't a problem though!

:laugh:


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

WhySoBlue said:


> I'm all ears!!


re-read my post #4.
I think the bottom line is increasing your emotional connection with your woman. Yes, I like to F%CK, so does my wife. However, sometimes you just need to "make love" instead of f$cking, grasshopper.:smile2:
That is what works for me.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

UMP said:


> re-read my post #4.
> I think the bottom line is increasing your emotional connection with your woman. Yes, I like to F%CK, so does my wife. However, sometimes you just need to "make love" instead of f$cking, grasshopper.:smile2:
> That is what works for me.


Yes! can't be mechanical about it all!
Generally speaking, gys can cum easily. 
Women, not so much. 

I put a great deal of effort in making Mrs. Lurkster orgasm, something that she really doesn't need to do with me. 
I love doing it.
I love the results.
It's fun.
She loves it.
And it proves turnabout is fair play. 

:grin2:


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## sscygni (Apr 13, 2016)

WhySoBlue said:


> I think you are right. Which I believe is one of the reasons why she claims to have never masturbated. I actually talked to her about this recently when it came time to have "the talk" with our son (actually a couple years ago). We both agreed that the message to our kids is that masturbation is natural and normal in a private setting. She wholeheartedly agreed.


My wife's repression is less than yours, but it still impacts our sex life. She is fully aware of it, and further aware that it is a product of her Eastern Orthodox sex-shaming culture, and is committed not to pass that on to our children. Sounds like you are in a similar place, which is a good thing for the sake of your kid(s).


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Lurkster said:


> Yes! can't be mechanical about it all!
> Generally speaking, gys can cum easily.
> Women, not so much.
> 
> ...


It seems to me, this is the downside of porn.
I think it took me over 20 years to learn how to make love, which is very different IMO than f$cking.
I would always want to f$ck and my wife would always want to make love. I thought they were the same. Not so.

If I take my time and make love to my wife with a full emotional investment, I can ALWAYS get a good f$ck in during the process.

Win-win.

F$ck = Penis

Making love = Penis, brain and soul, basically EVERTYHING you got.
The only time I can get my wife to O with only PIV is if I am having a ZEN moment with her.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

UMP said:


> re-read my post #4.
> I think the bottom line is increasing your emotional connection with your woman. Yes, I like to F%CK, so does my wife. However, sometimes you just need to "make love" instead of f$cking, grasshopper.:smile2:
> That is what works for me.


I am sure you didn't intend to, but your comment implies that I have not ever made love to my wife and just ***d her instead. Sometimes we make love, sometimes we just ***. And everything in between. 

Same result.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

sscygni said:


> My wife's repression is less than yours, but it still impacts our sex life. She is fully aware of it, and further aware that it is a product of her Eastern Orthodox sex-shaming culture, and is committed not to pass that on to our children. Sounds like you are in a similar place, which is a good thing for the sake of your kid(s).


Interesting! I am Eastern Orthodox myself. My wife grew up methodist/lutheran. However, I was not raised in an American Eastern Orthodox community, so perhaps the difference with your wife. The cultural views towards sex where I come from are much less traditional than the US. There is a huge difference between modesty in public and what happens in the bedroom.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

WhySoBlue said:


> I am sure you didn't intend to, but your comment implies that I have not ever made love to my wife and just ***d her instead. Sometimes we make love, sometimes we just ***. And everything in between.
> 
> Same result.



I thought I was making love for over 20 years.
Again, IMO, if you increase your emotional connection in and out of the bedroom, I believe your chances of getting a PIV orgasm increase dramatically.
Some might say that it's impossible. They might say some women can and some women simply cannot.

In regards to implying that you have never make love, one thing I have learned in my quest for amazing sex is NEVER, EVER assume that you know ANYTHING.

Male sexual pride is NOT my friend, it is MY own worst enemy.

Learning ONE woman fully is like learning Kanji (katakana and hiragana). You cannot EVER learn it all.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

WhySoBlue said:


> I have tried many times to quickly switch to PIV, hoping that being exited from the manual stimulation she would orgasm from PIV, but it has never happened. No matter how hard or long, or what position. She says it feels great, but no O. I have also tried oral after manual, without success.
> 
> I have been reading other posts where some have "figured it out", but I am at a loss what I could do differently.
> 
> Any advice is appreciated.


It could very well be that her anatomy makes it impossible for her to get enough stimulation from PIV - it depends on the distance between clitoris and vagina, among other things. It also depends on how well your two anatomies work together.

Have you discovered the coital alignment technique? (You can google that if unfamiliar).


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

UMP said:


> I thought I was making love for over 20 years.
> Again, IMO, if you increase your emotional connection in and out of the bedroom, I believe your chances of getting a PIV orgasm increase dramatically.
> Some might say that it's impossible. They might say some women can and some women simply cannot.
> 
> ...


Thanks UMP. I don't assume that I know everything, hence my post in the first place. I appreciate your response and perspective.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

WhySoBlue said:


> Thanks UMP. I don't assume that I know everything, hence my post in the first place. I appreciate your response and perspective.


It is difficult for me even to put it into words. 
Think of your penis as a temporary umbilical cord to her soul.
Let me put it this way.
Last Friday was my BJ to completion day because she was on her period. Instead of me laying there like a couch potato I was all over her, interacting and communicating to her soul.
When it was over she told me "I almost came" and "I feel like we just had sex." 

All this and I never even once touched her vajaja.

That's what you need to do.

Having said all this, maybe I am full of shiit. Regardless, I am having the time of my life (sexually speaking) to a woman that I have 3 kids with and been married to for 25 years. I think that says it all.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

OliviaG said:


> It could very well be that her anatomy makes it impossible for her to get enough stimulation from PIV - it depends on the distance between clitoris and vagina, among other things. It also depends on how well your two anatomies work together.
> 
> Have you discovered the coital alignment technique? (You can google that if unfamiliar).


Just looked it up. Haven't tried this before, but willing to give it a shot. Thanks Olivia.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

WhySoBlue said:


> Just looked it up. Haven't tried this before, but willing to give it a shot. Thanks Olivia.


You're welcome. It's pretty effective, IME.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

UMP said:


> It is difficult for me even to put it into words.
> Think of your penis as a temporary umbilical cord to her soul.
> Let me put it this way.
> Last Friday was my BJ to completion day because she was on her period. Instead of me laying there like a couch potato I was all over her, interacting and communicating to her soul.
> ...


Not at all UMP. I'm happy that you found the answer that works for you and are having the time of your life.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

WhySoBlue said:


> Not at all UMP. I'm happy that you found the answer that works for you and are having the time of your life.


Thanks, I hope you find your answer too.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

A couple more bits of information.. My wife loves oral.. doesn't want me to stop. So we have pretty long oral sessions as part of foreplay. However, she has never had an O from one. Regardless if I go slow, fast, hard, soft, etc. Even if I combine manual with oral, still nothing. 

Also, she loves PIV. Says that it just "isn't complete" without it and she feels "left out" if we don't end it that way.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I think you may want to try tantric PIV since she says she enjoys penetration. One technique is where you insert your penis using ample coconut oil and remain *motionless* but applying pressure. The sensation for you will not be the friction, but more feeling the subtle internal movements of her vagina drawing you into her. This buy itself can be extremely erotic, but my point being is that this will allow her to take all her focus off of you and perhaps help her relax. 

If you use this scissor position:










...you should be able to gently reach down and provide her with the manual stimulation which she is accustomed to enjoying. 

If successful she will orgasm while you are inside. If you have remained completely motionless you will be able to feel her orgasm from the inside in great detail, likely again and again since she is multi orgasmic. Once she becomes comfortable with this you can likely find yourself edging and easily thrust very lightly to have a simultaneous orgasm with her. 

THEN you'll have some bragging rights!

In the meantime PIV is rarely something women find stimulating enough to orgasm from that alone. There is most always some form of additional stimulation. You may want to try gently rubbing her nipples once she is very aroused. Sometimes just that and PIV are all it takes.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I'm also a big fan of coital alignment. For me it isn't so much about thrusting as it is about good foreplay and a more grinding, pressure-like technique. Over the top thrusting does nothing for me. 

And is the opening to her vagina further than 2.5 cm from her clitoris? These women will find it very difficult to orgasm from piv alone
The phases of orgasm in women - arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution of orgasm


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

badsanta said:


> I think you may want to try tantric PIV since she says she enjoys penetration. One technique is where you insert your penis using ample coconut oil and remain *motionless* but applying pressure. The sensation for you will not be the friction, but more feeling the subtle internal movements of her vagina drawing you into her. This buy itself can be extremely erotic, but my point being is that this will allow her to take all her focus off of you and perhaps help her relax.
> 
> If you use this scissor position:
> 
> ...


Thanks for the advice! I think this may actually work if she can get mentally over the change-up. I will definitely try this.

Do you think I should give her the first O manually, since that one is the hardest, and then try this?


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

Giro flee said:


> I'm also a big fan of coital alignment. For me it isn't so much about thrusting as it is about good foreplay and a more grinding, pressure-like technique. Over the top thrusting does nothing for me.
> 
> And is the opening to her vagina further than 2.5 cm from her clitoris? These women will find it very difficult to orgasm from piv alone
> The phases of orgasm in women - arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution of orgasm


I will take a closer look next time. My guess is that her clitoris is further than 2.5cm from the opening.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

WhySoBlue said:


> Thanks for the advice! I think this may actually work if she can get mentally over the change-up. I will definitely try this.
> 
> Do you think I should give her the first O manually, since that one is the hardest, and then try this?


I would *explain* to her exactly what your goal is along with the idea of motionless penetration to help her relax while she hopefully enjoys manual stimulation. Once she is on board with the idea *allow HER to suggest what she might think will work the best.*

Way worse would be for you to try this without explaining to her the purpose or intentions. If you manually stimulate and then suddenly penetrate mid stream for motionless sex, she may not understand why you are not moving and she will likely worry that you are just not enjoying it enough to even bother to move. That has the potential to be AWKWARD!

Badsanta


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

WhySoBlue said:


> Exclusively clitoral. I have not been successful in getting her a g-spot orgasm.


If I were you, I would look into getting a Fiera for clitoral stimulation during PIV. The Fiera is not a vibrator, but a gentle sucking device. It supposedly can be used simultaneously with PIV, although I've not used the device myself. I think you could have great orgasms together if you can stimulate the clitoris right during PIV. Oh and the stuff UMP suggested is good... :grin2:


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

WhySoBlue said:


> ... However, she has never had an O from one. Regardless if I go slow, fast, hard, soft, etc. Even if I combine manual with oral, still nothing.


Have you ever tried gently sucking on the clitoris when you give her oral?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

WhySoBlue said:


> I will take a closer look next time. My guess is that her clitoris is further than 2.5cm from the opening.


...word to the wise...

Before making formal measurements, start by practicing with a digital caliper:










to measure the inside of an ear of an angry cat










Once you can successfully do this without being harmed, THEN try to measure parts of your wife's vagina.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

wantshelp said:


> Have you ever tried gently sucking on the clitoris when you give her oral?


Yes, I have done that and still do occasionally. I haven't seen/heard much of a reaction, so I figured it didn't feel all that great to her. She usually reacts (vocally, body language) when it feels super pleasurable and tells me to keep doing whatever I'm doing.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

badsanta said:


> ...word to the wise...
> 
> Before making formal measurements, start by practicing with a digital caliper:
> 
> ...


On second thought, separate orgasms help build individuality. :grin2:


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

wantshelp said:


> Have you ever tried gently sucking on the clitoris when you give her oral?


So, maybe switch things up?
Work on her clit manually, and tongue her vagina? 
It works! (for Mrs. Lurkster anyway!) 

No real rules to all this!

:grin2:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Here is something you might get some success with.

When you stimulate her manually, using your hand, you probably focus on THE spot. Instead of focusing on the spot, use your whole hand and press and rub all around her vulva. Use a hearty amount of coconut oil so everything slides easily without friction. Do this for many minutes. The goal isn't specifically to orgasm, but to wake up all the nerve endings in the entire region. You can vary the tempo, the speed, the amount of pressure but you are just kind of kneading the entire area. Once you've been at this for several minutes go ahead and focus on the spot, but keep massaging the entire area. As she begin to orgasm, start dipping into her vag. Dip in, rub inside pushing up toward her pubic bone and with the other hand continue to focus on the spot.

My thought is that in the quest for orgasm, it might have become formulaic; a series of specific moves done in a specific way, for a specific amount of time all because you want to duplicate that which produced success. But as we age, and especially after kids, our bodies do change. The same things that worked 15 years ago might need updating.

Secondly, as UMP has already mentioned, unless your wife wants to have an orgasm during intercourse, you're kind of setting yourself up for acrimony no marriage needs. She begins to feel like she's letting you down because she can't offer your ego her penetrative orgasms. 

While I hope your wife can learn to let go of the repression that shame produces, she will only do that if it is her goal. She won't let go because you want her to. 

You have a very orgasmice wife. It's okay if she experiences orgasm in one way and not in other ways.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

WhySoBlue said:


> She says that she's satisfied. However, in the past when we talked about it, she has expressed disappointment of not being able to orgasm from PIV. But it's not like she brings it up often.


I don't see the problem then. She's satisfied. She likes what you do. Her disappointment probably stems from the fact that it seems to bother YOU that she doesn't orgasm from PIV. So she feels like she's letting you down. Which means the harder you try, the more anxious she gets about it, and the LESS likely it is that anything will happen.

Of course, continuous experimentation is always loads of fun. Don't set it up with an end goal of PIV orgasm for her though. Just try different things and see what happens.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

I have found this site helpful in so many ways. It is a Christian site, based on biblical principles which I found quite refreshing. While the author gives hope about trying to learn to orgasm during PIV, she also is spot on how I feel about it, and possibly many other women too, because we haven't orgasmed that way - ever. For years I thought I was broken, till I found out I am in the majority. Be careful that you don't give your wife the feeling you are trying to fix something that is broken in her.

https://awaken-love.net/2015/05/11/disappointment/#more-1006

Ideally, the efforts should come because she wants to see if she can with some changes. It's Ok to be open to trying new things, and new possibilities, but don't make this a grueling quest for the holy grail for her, that she feels the amazing holy grail she has now is not good enough for you or her. Do you know how many women would love to be able to have multiples the way your wife does now?

If you are both open and want to try here are a series of posts directed towards the possibility of learning to orgasm during PIV. It starts here, read all of her links. It would be helpful for you both to read them.

The Big Question ? Awaken Love

Again be very careful going down this path. I agree totally with Hopeful. Do not make PIV orgasms the end goal. Just relax and try these suggestions with open minds and see what happens. Be sure the end goal is that your wife enjoys these journeys and feels good, and gets her orgasms, when she wants, any way that works for her. That she enjoys sex with you - that is the only end goal you should strive for.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

WhySoBlue said:


> Yes, I have done that and still do occasionally. I haven't seen/heard much of a reaction, so I figured it didn't feel all that great to her.


I still wouldn't rule out the Fiera (or Womanizer). I use a Womanizer on my wife and the success rate and speed to orgasm of that is way beyond what I can do with my mouth+tongue, this despite me trying to simulate (at times) what it's doing. >


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

WhySoBlue said:


> A couple more bits of information.. My wife loves oral.. doesn't want me to stop. So we have pretty long oral sessions as part of foreplay. However, she has never had an O from one. Regardless if I go slow, fast, hard, soft, etc. Even if I combine manual with oral, still nothing.
> 
> Also, she loves PIV. Says that it just "isn't complete" without it and she feels "left out" if we don't end it that way.


All women are different but I can tell you what works for me. I find that doing circles with your tongue around the clit makes my wife go crazy. I also make sure that I don't just focus on that one area. You can work on the inside of thighs, her lips, etc. to give her a little break so that she the pressure can build up more. Lastly, and this really works well. When I'm using my tongue I take two fingers, insert them, and move them back and forth as if I'm motioning for someone to come here. You should feel a patch that feels kind of rough in there and that will be her G spot. Try this. Hopefully it will help.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Here is something you might get some success with.
> 
> When you stimulate her manually, using your hand, you probably focus on THE spot. Instead of focusing on the spot, use your whole hand and press and rub all around her vulva. Use a hearty amount of coconut oil so everything slides easily without friction. Do this for many minutes. The goal isn't specifically to orgasm, but to wake up all the nerve endings in the entire region. You can vary the tempo, the speed, the amount of pressure but you are just kind of kneading the entire area. Once you've been at this for several minutes go ahead and focus on the spot, but keep massaging the entire area. As she begin to orgasm, start dipping into her vag. Dip in, rub inside pushing up toward her pubic bone and with the other hand continue to focus on the spot.


Yes, I have been focusing on THE spot, because that is what works. It took me several years to get her to relax after the first O and spread her legs. Once she realized that she can do that, she loves it. I do touch her entire vulva and mons, but when it's time to get to business, I got to THE spot.



Anon Pink said:


> My thought is that in the quest for orgasm, it might have become formulaic; a series of specific moves done in a specific way, for a specific amount of time all because you want to duplicate that which produced success. But as we age, and especially after kids, our bodies do change. The same things that worked 15 years ago might need updating.


You're right on: it is formulaic; but because I am following her lead. She has it stuck in her mind that there is only a particular way she can orgasm. And I think if I suggest anything new she will have anxiety which will thwart any progress.




Anon Pink said:


> Secondly, as UMP has already mentioned, unless your wife wants to have an orgasm during intercourse, you're kind of setting yourself up for acrimony no marriage needs. She begins to feel like she's letting you down because she can't offer your ego her penetrative orgasms.


Let me clarify that I have no expectation for her to orgasm during PIV. It was clear while we were dating that was not going to happen. It was (and still is) not that big of a deal. We both feel satisfied afterwards. However, I do welcome it to happen. While I was reading a couple threads on TAM, several have mentioned the epiphany they had when this happened, so I thought I would ask the question. I have absolutely put no pressure at all on my wife. I can't even remember the last time we discussed it (at least a 2-3 years ago), and when we did discuss it, it was brought up as "wouldn't it be nice", and she agreed, and then I said that based on what I've read, most women can't.




Anon Pink said:


> While I hope your wife can learn to let go of the repression that shame produces, she will only do that if it is her goal. She won't let go because you want her to.


I do honestly believe that she has a significant level of repression. If her anatomy/physiology is keeping her from fully liberating herself when it comes to sex, I totally understand that. However, if it is repression, I would like to attempt to open her up.





Anon Pink said:


> You have a very orgasmice wife. It's okay if she experiences orgasm in one way and not in other ways.


Yes, I know that I am very fortunate to have a wife that is multi-orgasmic. Its really fun to bring her to that point several times in a row. And she is very accommodating to my needs. I am just looking for potential new experiences for both of us to enhance what we already have. 

Thanks for your perspective Anon.:smile2:


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> I don't see the problem then. She's satisfied. She likes what you do. Her disappointment probably stems from the fact that it seems to bother YOU that she doesn't orgasm from PIV. So she feels like she's letting you down. Which means the harder you try, the more anxious she gets about it, and the LESS likely it is that anything will happen.


I sure hope not. I have never said or implied that I was disappointed; unless she read into it too far.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

mary35 said:


> I have found this site helpful in so many ways. It is a Christian site, based on biblical principles which I found quite refreshing. While the author gives hope about trying to learn to orgasm during PIV, she also is spot on how I feel about it, and possibly many other women too, because we haven't orgasmed that way - ever. For years I thought I was broken, till I found out I am in the majority. Be careful that you don't give your wife the feeling you are trying to fix something that is broken in her.
> 
> https://awaken-love.net/2015/05/11/disappointment/#more-1006
> 
> ...


Thanks for the reply Mary. Perhaps I will not say or do anything. I don't want to stress her out about something that is really not that big of a deal.

However, I just wish that she wasn't hung up about certain things in the bedroom. For example, in my opinion, the easiest solution to the O during PIV in my opinion would be for her to rub herself during penetration. However, the couple times I suggested this, she did not feel comfortable doing so. If she would, I am sure she could get herself to orgasm easily. But now I'm not sure if it's worth pursuing because I don't want her to stress over it.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

wantshelp said:


> I still wouldn't rule out the Fiera (or Womanizer). I use a Womanizer on my wife and the success rate and speed to orgasm of that is way beyond what I can do with my mouth+tongue, this despite me trying to simulate (at times) what it's doing. >


I would love to try those on her, but she never took to any toys. She doesn't like them. We tried. I think it has to do with her hang-ups.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

niceguy28 said:


> All women are different but I can tell you what works for me. I find that doing circles with your tongue around the clit makes my wife go crazy. I also make sure that I don't just focus on that one area. You can work on the inside of thighs, her lips, etc. to give her a little break so that she the pressure can build up more. Lastly, and this really works well. When I'm using my tongue I take two fingers, insert them, and move them back and forth as if I'm motioning for someone to come here. You should feel a patch that feels kind of rough in there and that will be her G spot. Try this. Hopefully it will help.


I have tried to stimulate her g spot in the past, but not recently. I will try it again to see if anything changed. I remember her saying that she liked it, but it never resulted in an O.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

WhySoBlue said:


> I would love to try those on her, but she never took to any toys. She doesn't like them. We tried. I think it has to do with her hang-ups.


I think some women feel toys are too unnatural and/or it makes them feel inadequate that a mechanical device is required for them to feel pleasure. 

While I do not invest much hope that these types of things help, you could try an arousal gel like KY Intense










I think such products help increase blood flow and sensitivity. I tried it once on my wife, and while she liked it, she was too skeptical about putting chemicals into an area of her body where she was recovering from a yeast infection from having recently taken antibiotics from something unrelated. 

I bring up these products because I was reading about a woman (in a blog) that enjoyed using arousal gels as a way to help tease herself beyond her known limits during self exploration. She did not use them until she was already extremely aroused and about to orgasm, and she used such a gel to maintain an extended edging session that would eventually make her go uncontrollably over the edge without any further stimulation. It may be important to note that she was not following the instructions as the product was intended for use, so obviously results will vary.

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

I rarely orgasm from PIV alone. And the only position that it has happened in is me on top, where I can control the angle. Otherwise, some additional stimulation is required.

I don't see myself as broken or repressed or inadequate because of it. It is just the way I am.


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

OK, so I have an update from this weekend... On Friday night the kids were both out of the house and we had some time alone. We started some foreplay and I stimulated her to orgasm per usual. Then for the second one, I told her I was moving down there to see if she could cum while I was down there (usually she wants me to lay next to her and reach down with my hand). Well, it worked. So then I told her to spread her legs so I can try to do it orally. After about 30 seconds she was screaming with joy!! It worked!! So I did a couple more that way, then I inserted a finger and tried to rub her clit the same time. She asked me what I was doing, and when I told her, she said that won't work because it's too much for her to focus on. 

So all in all, I am very very happy! The experience was something new and it was a huge turn-on for the both of us!

Thanks for all the help!


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

WhySoBlue said:


> I would love to try those on her, but she never took to any toys. She doesn't like them. We tried. I think it has to do with her hang-ups.


Well, I have a wife with hang-ups as well. She at one point banned the purchase of toys for her. So I got the womanizer and hid it until she owed me big and said I could do whatever to her. I think I also said I wanted to try something new and just wanted her to be open to trying it once. When it was time, I told her to close her eyes and that's when I started oral on her. She was surprised that I didn't go straight for PIV or one of my favorite positions. Then I moved down to her vagina while I turned on and applied the womanizer to her clitoris, repeating the order that she can't look. The experience went VERY well for me. But, I do see how it could go badly too. Only you know your wife, but sometimes a surprise can be a lot of fun and open new doors. You know you need to make a change. I think it's hard for her to fault you for trying something new to break you out. Nothing is going to change if you don't do anything different and try to stay in this box that she has defined for you.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Deleted


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

WhySoBlue said:


> OK, so I have an update from this weekend... On Friday night the kids were both out of the house and we had some time alone. We started some foreplay and I stimulated her to orgasm per usual. Then for the second one, I told her I was moving down there to see if she could cum while I was down there (usually she wants me to lay next to her and reach down with my hand). Well, it worked. So then I told her to spread her legs so I can try to do it orally. After about 30 seconds she was screaming with joy!! It worked!! So I did a couple more that way, then I inserted a finger and tried to rub her clit the same time. She asked me what I was doing, and when I told her, she said that won't work because it's too much for her to focus on.
> 
> So all in all, I am very very happy! The experience was something new and it was a huge turn-on for the both of us!
> 
> ...


Success is a wonderful thing no?

:grin2:


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

OliviaG said:


> Nicely done!


Thank you!:smile2:


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## WhySoBlue (Oct 16, 2014)

Lurkster said:


> Success is a wonderful thing no?
> 
> :grin2:


Yes, for sure.. Haven't tried anything outside the norm for years.. sort of gave up on it. I'm sure glad I tried this past weekend.. This opens up the door to more experimentation!! :smile2:


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

WhySoBlue said:


> Yes, for sure.. Haven't tried anything outside the norm for years.. sort of gave up on it. I'm sure glad I tried this past weekend.. This opens up the door to more experimentation!! :smile2:


Exactly!
One good discovery can lead to others, as well as opening up communication! 
And yes, it can happen after years! 
I know!

:grin2:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The most effective means of overriding inhibition is total arousal. 

Well done Romeo.


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