# On Sleeping with the Ex Wife



## matt82 (Jun 28, 2012)

Been a while since I posted here.

As I've mentioned in other posts, my ex-wife was a compulsive liar and probable cheater (although I don't have proof on that). We have been divorced for about two years and have a three-year-old little boy of whom we share custody.

Well, a few months ago, she asked me out of the blue if I'd like to go with her out of state to a baseball tournament for my step-son. She said that it would be so I could help with my son so she could watch the games... right. 

My first thought is, "Oh, she's trolling for ****." I'm not dating anyone as I'm broke from all the legal expenses and child support, plus it's been slow on the Craigslist/POF front, so I agree.

We're driving down and I tell her, "I know we're going to sleep together on this trip, but there is absolutely no way in hell we are reconciling. I am enjoying my freedom too much." She looks surprised that I'd bring this up, then starts laughing. I asked her how many partners she's had since we separated. She says, "None."

I think to myself, "Liar!"

She asks me the same question and I tell her "none" as well (also a lie).

So we get there and have sex several times. She asks if I'd like to do this on a semi-regular basis since she misses the sex. I tell her sure, but there is no guarantee I won't sleep with other women as well. She says, "That's fine."

I know this is a bad idea and all, but where she was really short with me and giving me a hard time before, now she is very friendly and flexible with our schedules.

That said, she has also invited me to do other things with her and my son and step-son when it isn't my week. I'll say no to some things and yes to others.

My question: How bad is this really? There is no chance of pregnancy (snip) and she doesn't try to come around my place at all. She pretty much just calls when she's in the mood, after our son falls asleep (usually a few times a month).

Does anyone have experience with this?

Oh yeah, I did tell her I'd slept with other women. She briefly got upset since I lied to her. I told her I didn't understand why she wasn't trying to find a guy who loved her, since I would never be anymore than an FWB to her. She calmed down soon after.

If you saw us together, you'd wonder what the hell she is doing with me since physically, she's out of my league. This is what makes it all the more baffling to me. Why would she sleep with me when I offer no additional benefits? I'm not even that nice to her.


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## Mike11 (Aug 25, 2011)

Matt

To my opinion and experience the definition of "out of league" for a woman comprises much more than just the physical appearance

from asking several Lady friends (and my wife) I have been told that most woman tend to look at a men through a "whole package deal" type of eyes of which Life accomplishments, Education , Financial status, disposition are setting the sex rank of a men and Physique or looks are on the list but not top ranked.

I think your ex has needs that she need filled, what better than ex partner whom she has a child with who has very little chance of abusing her or causing her any harm, that would be the safest way to get these needs met.

I personally think there is nothing wrong with this, Sex rank is in the eye of the beholder, I don't think you are out of her league as she would not have sex with you if she thought so 
Woman are not much different than men in the needs department, only in how society is viewing these needs.


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## matt82 (Jun 28, 2012)

Mike11 said:


> Matt
> 
> To my opinion and experience the definition of "out of league" for a woman comprises much more than just the physical appearance
> 
> ...


Interesting points! Not exactly what I expected to hear on this board, but thanks!

I should change what I said above a little. I am nice to her, but I don't go out of my way to do anything really special for her.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

I'd say, "beat it up," just don't get attached or allow her to get attached.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

I say why not. 

And maybe she isn't quite as good looking as you think. If she really wanted sex and she was as hot as you say, she'd have no trouble meeting that. 

But if you've been with other women since, and she hasn't been with other men, maybe you're still looking through goggles. (or your self esteem is shot. Or both)


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

your crazy for dipping your toe(or c*ck) in the water that jaws lives


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Wherever there's cheese, there's usually a trap.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

If she's sleeping around, why would you want to risk the surprise of an unwanted STD? Or have all of her "Johns" been duly "USDA inspected?"

From the emotional standpoint alone, I wouldn't even think of touching her with a 40 foot fork!


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Invest in quality latex condoms if you are heading down this path to protect yourself from stds. 

I would not even consider it with my xw but every persons situation is different.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

workindad said:


> Invest in quality latex condoms if you are heading down this path to protect yourself from stds.
> 
> I would not even consider it with my xw but every persons situation is different.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Latex hell, I wouldn't settle for less than stainless steel.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Protection from STD? I'd be more worried about protection from this woman's attempt to get pregnant and forcing me back into a bad relationship or a support check. Wouldn't be the first guy trapped by similar means.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Play with fire...


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## Pomlover (May 15, 2013)

I think it's ok


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Well hell looks like I am in the minority. Here is the deal some people a rare few can keep sex purely as just sex and not get emotionally entangled. Not me but I hear some others can but here is the deal you are having sex with her and you are spending more time with her.......Sounds like a perfect plan if you want to rekindle the old emotions. In fact if I wanted to get with and ex that is exactly what my plan would be.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

It's not healthy.

You are not EVER going to develop another relationship with a woman without sexual desire.

If you are getting your needs met by your wife, you are not going to be so interested in seeking out or attracting another woman.

It feels good now, but in the long run this type of relationship will ruin your life.


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## damionco (May 13, 2013)

I agree that it is a bad idea. You are relying on comfort with someone you know very well...perhaps too well. When my separation happened, I thought several times about trying to hook up with my ex-wife again. Who knows if she even would have considering she is now schtuping my ex-best friend, but I never did. You can call it what you will, but there is always going to be some connection and unless what she did was so heinous that you can't get past it (and if it is, why would you want to do that anyway) you are going to hit some feelings that will make it that much worse when she bolts. Like my father says, "if they do it once, they are bound to do it again". Drop it like it's radioactive.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

For me, I would rather shave the hair off my pen** with a cheese grater than ever have sex with my EX... I don't think you are being wise but it's your life.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

matt82 said:


> My question: How bad is this really?


*It's only as bad as the psychological damage you sustain when she finally hooks up with another guy and blows you off.*

T


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It's a bad idea, and when you do meet a decent woman she's going to judge you poorly for it.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Exs are exs for a reason, IMO, its a bad idea.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

If it wasn't an issue for you, you wouldn't be writing here. You act blase about it but my guess is if she stopped coming around for sex because she was getting it somewhere else it would be an issue for you.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You initially identified this person as a liar. A liar with a vagina is frequently called a plaintiff or a petitioner in court. If I intended to have sex with someone I knew I couldn't trust, it'd be with someone who didn't know my real name or address.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

some men and women learn from their bitter experiences, in a way bitter experiences teach us a lot of lessons but some wont learn.........

I think you didnt learn your lesson may be you need another experience........


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I wouldn't sleep with my STBXW, even if were conveyed to me that "pure gold" was literally dripping out of there!

I couldn't bring myself to do that even if I ate a bag of cocaine!


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## imsohurt (May 13, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> I wouldn't sleep with my STBXW, even if were conveyed to me that "pure gold" was literally dripping out of there!
> 
> I couldn't bring myself to do that even if I ate a bag of cocaine!


wow...love the humor....so true....to the original poster....

stop being so lazy....get some new strange man.....you are going back to an old shoe....

are you a gluten for punishment? come on...have some class...

all ex...no bone territory...principle man....

but if your 'slow on craigslist/POF'....you are a cheap man...and i suspect that cheap p**sy is your gig......so going back to the ex like this is like better than a date on CL...blowing 60 bucks...and maybe not getting some....

so if this is the case.....and it's like 100% a$$ for you....with no investment....and you are only trying to blow one off....then you know what to do....since you are doing it...

but i have an idea for you...why don't you pony up 24.99 a month...and join match....and find a decent lady.....?


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

Wrap it up!!! Then look up hysterical bonding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

What I'm hearing is that you think you need money to have a lover or partner, and so you might as well settle for the ex even though it means possibly getting an std, or giving her or any other woman you sleep with one, and not being in a good place should you get over your need-money-for-love issues and meet someone you truly fall for. For me, if I couldn't have what I wanted, I'd rather have nothing at all, and be prepared for what I did want. And, it worked out that way. It sounds like you have a mindset of things being a certain way. I think you'd be better off being open-minded about how your life is going to work out regardless of what financial problems and obstacles you think you have, vs. sex with the ex, but that' s me. I know I wouldn't date someone who had that mindset about money, or about sex with someone they didn't really care for out and out.

Your actions will define you and the person you evolve into...vs. justifying actions to fit with the person you think you are. There is a difference. You live the life you create by your current actions, not the life you imagine you could have if circumstances were different.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Well, If you like TRAIN WRECKS, this is the way to go.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

There is not a right or wrong answer here, but I would give you a couple of things to think about. First as long as emotionally this does not keep you from seeking others, then tear us that thing. The sex has to be as if it was a ONS and never seek it out, she must seek you. Secondly understand that this is transitional stuff and you need to get out there to develop a real relationship.


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## Rollin (May 18, 2013)

I don't see anything wrong with that, but the faster you move on the better


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## barcafan (Jul 25, 2012)

lol just bone her until you find a good replacement if you can refrain from getting attached. As a matter of fact..now is a good time to get rough with her!


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