# I did all the wrong things. Should I do something now?



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My husband has been a serial cheater for years. I didn't find out the extent of it until 2010. At that time I was dealing with serious health issues. 

He promised to stop and that was the end of it.

Well recently, I found this forum and realized I did EVERYTHING wrong. The more I read here, the angrier and more resentful I get.

His family was never told, the other women were not exposed and now I am angry. 

Right now I have not decided on divorce yet. I do want a divorce but may wait until my daughter graduated HS. 

We live as roommates now and there is no intimacy. For me, it would be like sleeping with a dirty bum. I am not attracted to my husband at all.

Because of rug sweeping and lack of intimacy, he will cheat again. I will not put myself through another investigation. Once was very draining and enough for me to know the kind of person he is.

Do I expose the affairs? A few we're married but most women were single. He did escort services too and I'm not really interested it going through every piece of videnc again.

Should I tell his family. Should I tell the married Cheater's families? Should I save my strength and move on?


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## domah (May 18, 2012)

Sounds like you moved on (at least emotionally). If you want to wait till your daughters graduation to file for divorce, then so be it; however, exposing the other parties and bringing up all the emotional pain is probably not worth it IMO. The point of a divorce is to move on, its not intended to hurt others or to be used as a means of revenge. Sounds like you have mostly moved on, why would you want to jeopardize that? The most important thing is your emotional well-being and that of your daughter. Do you think exposing other parties and digging into his affairs will do anything for that, especially when you know he is a serial cheater? 

I really think you should remove yourself from the situation and your husband.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

If you are decided on divorce and your heart is set on it, then you have to ask yourself why you would tell the OW's families etc...

You may want to expose his behavior to his family, but be warned they may get mad at him, but he will probably give them a bunch of BS then rally behind him. Do you want that in your life?

If you divorce your kids will want to know why. Are you prepared to tell them? I told my boys and I put them in counseling. I don't know if it was right, but their lives were being affected by what was happening and when my EX would do things that hurt us, I told them what was going on.

My kids never wanted their parents to get divorced. I made sure they knew it was not their fault. It has been tough on them. They do not have good relationships with their mother but that is between them and her. I actually paid $150/session for my kids counselor to work on the relationship between my kids and EXW... Messed up to me, but it was for them so I did it. Didn't help that much but they were able to talk to someone.

The best thing you can do is to make yourself the best person you can be and find out how you want to spend the rest of your life and get started now.

I am sorry you are here.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I think reading so much on this forum has stirred up a lot of anger. I just see so many people hurt and spouses getting off Scott-free and I am irritated.

My father is a cheater, my brother is a cheater, my husband is a cheater, I know of three friends who are cheaters. It just angers me.

I am on the high road and I do feel pretty good. I defiantly have moved on emotionally in my own case and it feels really good. Fortunately, I never felt responsible for my husband's cheating and I think that made a big difference. 

Thank you, It may be best to leave things alone.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Wait for graduation. Expose the married cheaters. This isn't to hurt him. It's to protect the husbands involved. Do you think they don't want to know?

File and don't sugar coat. If asked by any family or friends, just say "Harry cheated on me with X women. I have evidence and established it to MY satisfaction. I've stayed with him for my daughter after I found out. I am not discussing the matter further."

The single chicks are either lied to or shameless home wreckers, so leave them alone.

He deserves as much warning about your intentions as you care to give him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Meyer (Apr 22, 2013)

Rugs said:


> My husband has been a serial cheater for years. I didn't find out the extent of it until 2010. At that time I was dealing with serious health issues.
> 
> Do I expose the affairs? A few we're married but most women were single. He did escort services too and I'm not really interested it going through every piece of videnc again.
> 
> Should I tell his family. Should I tell the married Cheater's families? Should I save my strength and move on?


There is nothing you did wrong. It is extremely difficult to deal with a cheating spouse. There is no right or wrong answer. I encourage you not to expose or drag things back up. If you do, I fear it will renew the hurt cycle for you all over again.

Also, your husband's cheating, whether in the past, present or future has nothing to do with lack of intimacy or anything related to you. He may well be a philanderer.

Link is to an article at Psychology Today. A number of perspectives are discussed but pay close attention to the section on philandering and see if it describes your husband. It described my WW's OM to perfection.

Best of luck.

Beyond Betrayal: Life After Infidelity | Psychology Today


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