# Broken Heart



## lemonade (Oct 18, 2010)

Here it goes:
We were married June 2010, I found out he was texting another woman excessively on my birthday, November 2010, after going over the phone bill. He told me that it was his coworker, but denied an affair, I met up with her privately and she said nothing was happening and that the excessive texts would stop. In July 2011, I had a gut feeling something was not right, as he was distant again. I found out he was secretly chatting with her through the app "words with friends," he said "Wishing you were here next to me" and she replied with "Saturday." Followed by him saying "I want to explode inside of you." I confronted him about it and he said they just talk dirty to each other and that nothing had happened, and that nothing will happen. Again, I forgave him, but told him to send her a message saying it was over. He said he did, and I believed him. 

This November I found a secret email account he had created late November 2010 and I read some of the recent messages (everything else had been deleted). Turns out they had sex last year, and she had lied to my face. He confessed to everything and to be honest, I felt relieved to hear it all. Now, I have his password to that secret email and have changed it, so he can't log in. I told him to write her an email ending the EA and that I would send it via his secret email. He wrote it, but I have not sent it, instead, I wanted to see how she would react to him not responding to her messages. She has not sent much other than "good mornings" and "what are you doing"? He told me there was not much substance to their affair, but I did read an email where he asks her, "do you think we could work out"? She replied to him with, "I don't see why not?" At this point, I don't think I want her to know that I have found out everything unless I am ready to leave him. There's a part of me that just wants to send her an email pretending to be from him saying something like: "it is over...it was all just for fun, you mean nothing to me." To see how she reacts (Afterall this is what he tells me about her).

He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me and only me, but I am having trouble comprehending all of this. And it's incredibly hard for me to get over this because they work in the same office (although not necessarily working closely), but the thought of them seeing each other everyday bothers me. I am not sure I am "in love" with him anymore, but I know that I have never loved a man like I have loved this man with all my heart, and that is all that is keeping me in the relationship. I know I neglected him last year when I was studying late most nights-but I think he should have told me there was a problem. He said he kept our problems bottled up inside and that it was him who reached out to her for attention. He said, it was not a continuous affair but rather off and on. But of course, I don't know what to believe anymore. I feel like I've been lied to most of my marriage...I feel I have given him chance after chance and he has not given me a chance to be his wife. 

Considering we don't have children, moving on with my life sounds like the easy way out... but what if he really wants to stop? As a side note-he does not want to go to counseling, he just wants to move on, but I feel like I'm at a fork in the road and don't know what to do.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

he wants to rug sweep and that is no sign of true remorse

true remorse would be quitting his job and finding another
you bet your butt that the affair is still ongoing if he works in the same building


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

You've given him too many chances already. 

You're being played.

Sorry


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He no doubt has told her that you've found out. So forget the email pretending to be him.

His has a separate loyalty to her from you. He will take steps to protect her and his PA. Common, they both lied to your face without batting an eye or feeling guilt.

He doesn't want counselling,he wants to not do anything. That's called rug sweeping.

Are you really sure the PA has really ended? If it went on that long, and they already lied to your face, I really doubt they've just ended it like it seems.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> he wants to rug sweep and that is no sign of true remorse
> 
> true remorse would be quitting his job and finding another
> you bet your butt that the affair is still ongoing if he works in the same building





HerToo said:


> You've given him too many chances already.
> 
> You're being played.
> 
> Sorry





Shaggy said:


> He no doubt has told her that you've found out. So forget the email pretending to be him.
> 
> His has a separate loyalty to her from you. He will take steps to protect her and his PA. Common, they both lied to your face without batting an eye or feeling guilt.
> 
> ...


Yup, Yup and Yup. 

I don't think you're to the bottom of the bad news yet. Affairs just don't magically evaporate, their ending is usually very bloody with lots of emotions, feelings, lies, promises, betrayals and confrontations all over the walls.


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## sinkingfeeling (May 20, 2011)

So sorry. Sounds such a familiar story, I could have written it myself. All I will say is my D-Day (1) was 2 months ago and the range of emotions i've been through in that time have been numerous. It is a rollercoaster and, though conventional wisdom says that this looks very bleak, take your time. It's only now that time has elapsed and i've been through the stages that I'm starting to act based on rational thought rather than in blind, emotional heat-of-the-moment.

I hope you get a happy ending. I hope I do too. But the only way these guys are going to wake up and realise their mistake is when they wake up and realise what is heading out of their lives. Keep searching for that inner strength, lemonade.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

Lemonade, I have been going through a similar situation, as far as length of marriage and time of discovery goes. Got married April 2010, started finding funny stuff May 2011, discovered full blown EA ready to go PA September 2011 by way of reading the same disgusting type of chats, the kind I hope nobody ever has to see.

We also didn't have children and because it we had only been married for a year, I too was bothered that it seemed I had too many reasons to leave, and felt like I was just taking the easy way out. So I stayed, and only got screwed over less than a month later.

Like I read someone else say "do you really want to continue a marriage that has this deep of trust issues this early?" I know all to well how it feels to have been cheated out of a chance to even make it passed a year, or have the dreams you had growing old with someone be shattered so quickly. I didn't have the guts to walk away the first time, but I found the guts to walk away after getting hurt a second time. I hope you don't have to go through getting hurt again, but this community will be here if you do.


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## lemonade (Oct 18, 2010)

I'm borderline ready to leave, it's just so hard...but I suppose he lost me a long time ago...and I need to see that. Do you guys think I should expose him to his coworkers, friends, family? Or will that make me look like a psycho soon-to-be-exwife? I feel everyone should know she's a home wrecker and he is a selfish jerk who never deserved me.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

exposure helps lift the fog in some

does OW have an SO?


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## lemonade (Oct 18, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> exposure helps lift the fog in some
> 
> does OW have an SO?


OW does not have a SO but she claims to be very christian and is involved in church things...makes me want to tell her whole church who she really is...a *****.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

then do that

start with her pastor


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

You're in what I just went through, and what I've now learned is commonly called 'Limbo'. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/26360-betrayed-spouse-script.html

I had every reason to move on but I waited because I was searching for reasons to stay so I could weigh both options. All I ended up finding out was there wasn't a reason to stay. 

I exposed my WW to her sister and parents when I was committed to an R because they were the only people I could trust on her side that could help get her out of the fog. I don't think its entirely wrong for you to expose your H even if you've decided to get a D, but you should consider if it will benefit you in the short-term and long-term. 

I'm personally glad I outted my WW to her immediate family because they showed me some compassion. If there's a chance you're H's family, friends, etc won't believe you, it may end up making you feel worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

There is the martyr aspect of it outting them tho. I'm sure there's a lot of people at her church that would not be happy with what she's doing whatsoever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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