# If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?



## SepticChange

I've read discussions here and there and heard different friends points of view on the matter. A lot of times it's one partner who is all hung-ho on seeking help and the other is resistant, typically the one who helped create many of the problems in that relationship. Does that mean that the guilty party doesn't want to admit their wrongdoings because of pride? Or is it just a case of "it's nobody's business to say what goes on in our marriage?" Just interested in knowing what other's takes are on this.


----------



## Mavash.

I was the guilty party and I resisted therapy. My reasons were I thought it was a sign of weakness, thought we could fix it ourselves and was just generally naive about what therapy actually was.


----------



## Waking up to life

My H reluctantly went to two MC sessions with me at my bidding...the aftermath after each was awful. After the first one he broke down and act completely devastated and scared that I would leave him if he didn't "do better" even if he really tried, then the next time he got angry and said the therapist was worthless, and he doesn't subscribe to the pop psychology psychobabble about feelings and compromise. Then he said therapy is expensive and if I wanted to drag him somewhere just to make him feel like crap, we can stay home and do that for free. He refuses to go back. He refuses to "let" me go on my own. He refuses to discuss our problems anymore. He believes our problems are a product of my imagination and/or desire to dwell on the negatives and refusal to see the good.


----------



## TryingandFrustrated

It could mean that the other partner doesn't feel like airing out everything to a 3rd party is the way to solve anything. It could also mean that he/she isn't comfortable sharing their emotions with others also. I was adamant about not wanting to go to counseling because I felt it was a waste of money and felt we could work things out on our own.

I'm currently in counseling with my wife because she insisted we go, and I could tell that things were not going to get better if I didn't give in to this one.


----------



## scatty

It means they are weak. Only the strong ask for help, from what I've seen. The weak continue to deny, and even twist reality to their liking.


----------



## TryingandFrustrated

scatty said:


> It means they are weak. Only the strong ask for help, from what I've seen. The weak continue to deny, and even twist reality to their liking.


Quite the generalization there, isn't it? Can't people get help in different ways other than MC? While in MC I've probably read 30-40 different relationship books. My wife who wanted MC, she has read 1. I think people can get help however they feel it will help them most. Just because someone doesn't believe in therapy doesn't necessarily mean they are weak.


----------



## Flygirl

I've been going for years. I've asked my husband to go more times than I can count. He went one time and it was painful to watch. I give him credit for trying but if he's not open to the process, it's pointless. My therapist has even reached out to him a few times. He's either not willing or not capable of opening up to a stranger. I don't know. He knows it helps me and he loves to hear about my appointments. When I first started going he hated it. He even accused me of messing around with the therapist. He came around though. Now when my crazy comes out, he tells me to call my therapist.


----------



## unbelievable

The one refusing help doesn't believe the one asking will actually leave or they want them to.


----------



## Maneo

There are a number of reasons why someone is reluctant to go to counseling. Simply assuming to know or generalizing and attaching that generalization as the reason is dangerous and can cause more damage. 

If the reluctant person can't or won't say why counseling is a no, then it would be advisable to look for multiple clues that might indicate why before jumping to a conclusion.


----------



## growtogether

You know they can be a lot of reasons behind someone's decision, and most of the time is a lake of understanding and judging the offer service (counseling, therapy, life coaching...).
I think the better thing to do before bringing the idea of consulting for help, is to know the information about the service. 
-What is it?
-What are its benefits?
-What would we get from this experience?
Just have an open mind when you talk about it. You don't need his/her commitment to go for a session, just talk and explore the subject.
What about reading articles from those professionals to give you an idea?
Here's an example of one where you can have a better understanding before making a decision. 

How relationship coaching can help me!?


----------

