# So I started dating.....



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Finally made the leap to dating. My body and mind can't seem to wait for papers to be signed at some undetermined point in the future. I have lived alone for 8 months now so it's not like I'm doing this in front of the stbxw or anything. Anyways, POF, Zoosk and ******* accounts. Same profile and pics on each. Started off with something that really described me as a lonely loser so I changed it up and went hyper reality mode and turned the table bashing the girls profiles for being so similar and not having good pics, etc. What it's got me so far:

Girl #1
I sent the first message. Four messages later I asked for dinner. Very good humor chemistry. She was the same size I expected from the pics and definitely a few extra pounds. Dinner, drinks, made out for 30 minutes in her car almost getting her shirt off in the process. It's all about the small victories. Agreed to another date in the future. Good banter on phone text next few days. Less the days after. Then a feeling like I was bugging her because of one word responses. Been over 3 weeks since the date and I send the occasional Have a nice day text or try to initiate conversation but she seems distracted. She's going on other dates and I figure with the schedule conflicts and distance (about 45 miles) she's probably writing me off too. Too bad cuz she had 42DD's I really wanted to get my hands on...lol

Girl #2
I sent the first message. I mean, she had a Harley parked in what looked like her living room. That's the kind of chick I need to be talking to. Her story: single for six years. Married twice, both times to abusers. So she wrote off men for a few years apparently. Great on text. Went from get to know you on ******* to text (she gave me her number first). Banter turned to sex stuff. A few short phone calls. Meet for a date last saturday night where we both happened to be close enough even though we were both going out of town. Dinner, move to bar, darts, drinks, hands, kiss, hotel.......and let's just say I ended up trying on nipple clamps. haha.... but no intercourse. Actually she kept her jeans on and bra all night. We didn't sleep much due to all the making out. Plans to go to a concert in two weeks on the way to our cars. Text has been....interesting....very sexual....I think she's making up for six years of repressed sexual frustration.

Girl #3
Too far away to date. I think she said hi to me first. She gave me her number pretty quick. Very fresh divorce papers. This one's just going to be a friend because of the distance. Meeting her this saturday to take her out "just as friends". yeah I know, we'll see how that works out.

Girl #4
Close enough to see regularly. Younger by about 9 years. No kids. never been married. Doesn't want either. Kind of an emo or goth type chick but our humor chemistry is off the charts. Seeing her Friday night for the first time. Then already have plans to go next tuesday with her to a comedian in houston with her cousin in tow. That's assuming Friday goes well.

Girl #5
Separated, no reconcile happening. Kind of churchy on text and talks a lot about God being good to her and watching over her. Which I have no problem with but I think she's just looking for someone to talk to. Flat out told me up front she looks at sex as cheating until papers are signed (regardless of the fact her stbxh is already living with his girlfriend). No plans for a date. Took me over a week to get the rapport to get her number.

Girls #6,7,8
All got to phone texting with them but the conversation fizzled or they just aren't seeming interested anymore. IDK. maybe i'm just not getting the right conversation mode with them. No plans for dates.


So, if you do the math, that's new girl friday, new girl saturday, visit from the 6 yr single Sunday, then 6 yr single and her coworker Monday night, then new girl form friday on tuesday....

Whew.....

I'm not finding the kinds of girls I would expect to see myself going after. But at this point my attitude is strictly in practice mode. I'll have done more dating in the past two months than I ever did to this point. I'm honest on my profile about being separated and I don't lie about myself having a few extra pounds. But I find that when I let myself just be who I remember and the humor and wit flows then the girls respond. 

And if someone wants to be more than friends I'm certainly not going to try and stop them. hell, the nipple clamp girl says she wants to tie me down and have a man buffet......and I fully intend to let her.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Wow! You've been busy!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I guess this is what you have to do with regards to dating. Just throw a bunch of lines in with hooks that have bait on them and hope something nibbles. But the whole "making out on the first date" thing is NOT for me. Any guy who tries to get his hands on my 38Ds on the first date is going to have his arm in a sling! That's NOT how I roll. 

I was in a conversation with my female friends recently about this. Seems the consensus is that it's "expected" that you have sex on the third date or so. Third date? :wtf: I can't imagine liking ANYONE that quickly so as to do the very intimate act of engaging in intercourse with them, no matter HOW much they turn me on. I just never like or get comfortable enough with ANYONE that quickly. Heck, I don't even LIKE most people when I first meet them! 

Obviously I'm in the minority in this. Or not. Not sure. I get conflicting stories. The women I meet agree with me but it seems from what I hear from guys there are plenty of women out there who will just hand over the keys to the Temple of Love before they even know your middle name. It's bizarre. :scratchhead:


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I met someone on a dating site last summer, no attraction on my part, but we kept in touch. A few weeks ago he texts to say hi, so, I asked him how his dating life was going. He responds "all the chicks wanna do is f*ck". lol So, I'm starting to think that a lot of the women that are on the sites are looking for hook ups, which is fine I guess, women are certainly in charge of their sexuality, just surprised. There doesn't seem to be a middle, either people are looking for very serious or very casual. That same friend of mine said he also met someone that actually told him "it takes a while for me to even kiss someone", I guess he didn't ask for a second date.

It's all in fun


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I guess this is what you have to do with regards to dating. Just throw a bunch of lines in with hooks that have bait on them and hope something nibbles. But the whole "making out on the first date" thing is NOT for me. Any guy who tries to get his hands on my 38Ds on the first date is going to have his arm in a sling! That's NOT how I roll.
> 
> I was in a conversation with my female friends recently about this. Seems the consensus is that it's "expected" that you have sex on the third date or so. Third date? :wtf: I can't imagine liking ANYONE that quickly so as to do the very intimate act of engaging in intercourse with them, no matter HOW much they turn me on. I just never like or get comfortable enough with ANYONE that quickly. Heck, I don't even LIKE most people when I first meet them!
> 
> Obviously I'm in the minority in this. Or not. Not sure. I get conflicting stories. The women I meet agree with me but it seems from what I hear from guys there are plenty of women out there who will just hand over the keys to the Temple of Love before they even know your middle name. It's bizarre. :scratchhead:


I think it really depends. With the guy I'm seeing now, I waited for the three date rule. But, we had long dates, one was like 6 hours, we knew each other fairly well. With Mr. Unavailble, yikes, I was very sexually attracted to him, and on the second date, hardly knew him really, but we just connected so well, same separation experience etc. Hanging out in his hot tub made things progress quickly. I didn't regret it, it just depends on the chemistry, how one feels etc.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I guess this is what you have to do with regards to dating. Just throw a bunch of lines in with hooks that have bait on them and hope something nibbles. But the whole "making out on the first date" thing is NOT for me. Any guy who tries to get his hands on my 38Ds on the first date is going to have his arm in a sling! That's NOT how I roll.
> 
> I was in a conversation with my female friends recently about this. Seems the consensus is that it's "expected" that you have sex on the third date or so. Third date? :wtf: I can't imagine liking ANYONE that quickly so as to do the very intimate act of engaging in intercourse with them, no matter HOW much they turn me on. I just never like or get comfortable enough with ANYONE that quickly. Heck, I don't even LIKE most people when I first meet them!
> 
> Obviously I'm in the minority in this. Or not. Not sure. I get conflicting stories. The women I meet agree with me but it seems from what I hear from guys there are plenty of women out there who will just hand over the keys to the Temple of Love before they even know your middle name. It's bizarre. :scratchhead:


There are some guys here on TAM who say that they will not go out with a woman who will not put out by the 3rd date. They think it means that she's not 'into them'. These are usually the same guys who say that they look down on woman who have high numbers of sex partners. This makes no sense.

I will generally not have sex with a guy by the 3rd date. That's basically having sex with someone you know little to nothing about. Not a good idea.

He a guy won't go out with me again because I did not put out on the 3rd date.. it's his loss.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I was in a conversation with my female friends recently about this. Seems the consensus is that it's "expected" that you have sex on the third date or so. Third date? :wtf: I can't imagine liking ANYONE that quickly so as to do the very intimate act of engaging in intercourse with them, no matter HOW much they turn me on. I just never like or get comfortable enough with ANYONE that quickly. Heck, I don't even LIKE most people when I first meet them!


 Well I was the same way. I'm amazed anyone has sex on the third date. Personally I wanted to move real slow. Met someone and went out for drinks, dancing. Slept with her on the first date. Screwed that up.


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## 4understanding (Oct 23, 2011)

I've noticed the same thing, I am recently divorced and the women that I've met online or just in a casual meeting are all open to sex very early on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I've had chemistry and slept with someone the first date. I'm fortunate (I guess!) that they wanted to see me again. But in all instances (obviously, LOL, since I'm single!) I later on didn't want to continue to date them for one reason or another because I hadn't given the relationship enough time to evolve that way. If I had waited for sex, I would have eventually realized there wasn't good long-term mate potential.

Kissing on the first date, well yeah, I'm good with that. But for more I would rather wait and see if I enjoy spending time with them OUT of the bedroom first. Chemistry will fizzle pretty quickly if I don't enjoy being with them in general.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I've had chemistry and slept with someone the first date. I'm fortunate (I guess!) that they wanted to see me again. But in all instances (obviously, LOL, since I'm single!) I later on didn't want to continue to date them for one reason or another because I hadn't given the relationship enough time to evolve that way. If I had waited for sex, I would have eventually realized there wasn't good long-term mate potential.
> 
> Kissing on the first date, well yeah, I'm good with that. But for more I would rather wait and see if I enjoy spending time with them OUT of the bedroom first. Chemistry will fizzle pretty quickly if I don't enjoy being with them in general.


Funny, I would never kiss someone on the first date. It just seems so intimate for someone you have known for an hour, or even a couple of hours. But hey, like I said previously, it really depends on the situation I think.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I could see kissing someone on the first date if I'm attacted to them but having intercourse with them? No. Maybe it's a matter of principle but it's not happening. Same with the third date. If they don't like it then too bad. I like to take it slow. I think I'm worth the wait.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> There are some guys here on TAM who say that they will not go out with a woman who will not put out by the 3rd date. They think it means that she's not 'into them'. These are usually the same guys who say that they look down on woman who have high numbers of sex partners. This makes no sense.
> 
> I will generally not have sex with a guy by the 3rd date. That's basically having sex with someone you know little to nothing about. Not a good idea.
> 
> He a guy won't go out with me again because I did not put out on the 3rd date.. it's his loss.


I personally think it would be hard to have trust and respect long term if it started with sex too soon.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

zillard said:


> I personally think it would be hard to have trust and respect long term if it started with sex too soon.


Unless she insists.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> Unless she insists.


Exactly. It happens and can happen quick if the chemistry is right. The girl that I am now dating, we had been out of about 6 times as friends. When the dam broke, it broke. 

It happens when it happens. Each relationship is different.


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