# Why men hate women venting



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

(I suppose "Why I hate women venting" would be a better title, as I don't know if I speak for all men here)

Conventional wisdom is that men don't like to just sit there and let their wives or girlfriends vent because they are problem solvers and like to fix things. Possibly true, but as I was doing some self-examination/introspection I have come to the conclusion that "problem solving" may be a means to an end rather than a goal itself.

I'm not so much trying to solve her problems as to get her to stop complaining, I've realized. After dealing with the stress of work, paying bills, etc, I want to come home to a peaceful, relaxing environment. Unfortunately, her desire to unload all the problems of her day crashes right into my desire for tranquility, which adds to my stress. When that happens, what runs through my head (subconsciously) is what is the quickest way to make it stop so I can get back to relaxing. And often the answer I come up with is "Here's a solution to your problem! Now we can stop talking about it!"

So that's why I try to solve her problems. Not to fix anything but to stop the complaining. Not saying I'm right or she's wrong, just a realization I had about myself and my motives.

Am I the only one who thinks this might be at least part of our motivation? Or, alternately, am I just now realizing something that is obvious to everyone else?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Joey2k said:


> (I suppose "Why I hate women venting" would be a better title, as I don't know if I speak for all men here)
> 
> Conventional wisdom is that men don't like to just sit there and let their wives or girlfriends vent because they are problem solvers and like to fix things. Possibly true, but as I was doing some self-examination/introspection I have come to the conclusion that "problem solving" may be a means to an end rather than a goal itself.
> 
> ...


have you told her this? 

It sounds like she hits you with all her complaining when you first come in from work. Did I get that right?

Have you asked her to let you have peace when you first come home so you can unwind? Maybe schedule a time where she can talk about this stuff?


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Oh yeah that is totally true. A few years back I was very unhappy with my job and drove my husband crazy with the venting. He admitted that it was just stressful to him so I've put a stop to it. Now I just learn to deal with my own crap and come to him when I actually need advice. I vent to my gfs.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Actually, I think some more introspection could be useful to you.

Venting can and often does sound like a stream of consciousness b!tch fest bringing down the mood for everyone in earshot. But it doesn't have to be.

You want things peaceful. Your frustration is because her venting interrupts your sense of peace.

I don't know if you have kids but my youngest is 17 and lemme tell ya no one can b!tch and moan better than a teenager! It wasn't until my second child was in her second year of college that I fully came to understand that no matter how much I loved and cared for her, no matter how well I could solve all of her problems, they were not mine to solve. It helped that she was a stubborn as a mule and I knew no matter what I said she was going to do what she wanted. 

So instead of listening closely and coming up with a list of actions to take to solve her problems, I listened to the emotions behind the message. "I'm a failure. No one likes me. I'm not good enough..." 

If your wife/gf were saying those honest emotions rather than moan about her day, your "fix" would be very different. You would hold her and tell her how wonderful she is and how smart, strong...etc she is and you would remind her that you are here to support her.

Instead of fixing, you're supporting. Giving someone you care about your support brings with it a measure of peace, knowing that you've given them a boost of confidence to deal with life's annoying things.

As a last resort, I simply say, it sounds like you've had a rotten day and I think we both need some quiet cuddle time to release the nastiness.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

One thing I told my W is that when I get home from work she needs to give me some time before any sort of unloading occurs. I would be gone from the house all day, just finished driving an hour plus home, and the moment I stepped in the door I had to hear everything about the kids, etc... just too much.

Part of it (at least in my case) is a difference in how my W and I handle stresses. For myself, I have no issues, and prefer to deal with things internally. Any stresses I have at work I leave there the moment I step out the door. Understanding that my W is different, I don't mind letting her vent a bit but it has to be within reason (excessive venting just turns into negativity which I can't stand).


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

It's ok for them to vent, and you should help and support her. 

What's NOT ok is to hear the same issues over and over, or to ignore the input you give. 

It may not be ok to simply fix her problems for her because that creates dependency. 

She needs to address her issues on her own with your support. Not for you to solve them. That works short term only.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Joey2k said:


> (I suppose "Why I hate women venting" would be a better title, as I don't know if I speak for all men here)
> 
> Conventional wisdom is that men don't like to just sit there and let their wives or girlfriends vent because they are problem solvers and like to fix things. Possibly true, but as I was doing some self-examination/introspection I have come to the conclusion that "problem solving" may be a means to an end rather than a goal itself.
> 
> ...


Why don't you ask for 20 minutes down time when you get home? That way you can rest a little and recharge before the vent. That is what my wife an I do at times. 

I get what your saying, the "hey I just worked here too you know, did we talk about this same problem yesterday" feeling, but the truth is it's part of our role, I look at it as part of being a being a provider in the 21st century. I used to try to fix it too, but I learned very quickly that she doesn't want that. I am a provider of a sympathetic ear. Also I think for some woman it's not complaining but more like an emotional discharge, kind of like Electrostatic discharge. We as men do this in a different way I think. For me right now it is playing Arkham knight after she goes to bed. But I suspect for her you are like her grounding wire. If you see it that way it is easier to do. 

Not sure if you wanted my 2 cents or just to vent. >


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

I don't offload as soon as he comes home. More likely to be pouring him a Scotch on the rocks.

But yeah he encourages me to vent to him as he wants to be involved in my life. the funny thing is that he actually loves and likes me. What a horrible place to be in if your spouse just thought you were an annoying little mozzie that had to be tolerated.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I would say I am a "Fixer" too... I have a need to reason things out.. find my bearings in any given situation, that "peace" with whomever or whatever is happening....sometimes writing helps me do this even.... Often I ask for outside perspective even... I want to choose the best path -to get out of the funk I am in...But true.. being a woman..I can get "emotional" at times ....

When I have something bothering me.. he has always invited my sharing it... I specifically ask for HIS INPUT, what he would do.. we talk things over.. I do feel heard... he's never been one who has shut me out.... I wouldn't like that -if so.. just imagining it.. but I understand.. I need to not get carried away.. being a clanging Gong rambling on & on & on either..


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

So you're complaining that your partner is complaining? Lol.

Distraction from the problem is always going to work better if it's just one of those types of issues that can't be 'fixed'. If you want to talk about something else, then talk about something else. Continuing to discuss it by trying to 'fix' it is like throwing gasoline on a fire to put it out.

Her: "I can't handle the workload"
You: "I'm sure you'll figure out a solution. You're a smart lady." 
You: "What do you want for dinner?"

There, 'fixed'. 

So, I think the weather is looking good enough that a trip to the pool this weekend is in order.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Joey2k said:


> Unfortunately, her desire to unload all the problems of her day crashes right into my desire for tranquility, which adds to my stress. When that happens, what runs through my head (subconsciously) is what is the quickest way to make it stop so I can get back to relaxing. And often the answer I come up with is "Here's a solution to your problem! Now we can stop talking about it!"


Simple solution.

Tell her, "You are not allowed to vent at me, until I get a BJ first."

Then after you are relaxed, she can go to town complaining to you.

And if she doesn't feel like giving one, you don't have to hear her whine.

Win/win


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

Joey2k said:


> Unfortunately, her desire to unload all the problems of her day crashes right into my desire for tranquility, which adds to my stress. When that happens, what runs through my head (subconsciously) is what is the quickest way to make it stop so I can get back to relaxing. And often the answer I come up with is "Here's a solution to your problem! Now we can stop talking about it!"


It's taken me over 5 decades to figure it out but that's exactly what it's about. Women need to vent and they do not want men to fix it, which is how we are wired. I for one do not try to offer a fix to shut her up, I try to offer a fix because I love her and care about her and want to make it all better, but at the same time I get where you are coming from, it can be anxiety producing at times.

I'll offer you a simple solution that you might not have considered.

Hidden ear plugs. A bit easier if your hair covers your ears or if you keep the lights dim. When you hear her come home slip one in each ear, and simply look at her occasionally to see if her lips are still moving and if so, just keep nodding until it's all over.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

caruso said:


> It's taken me over 5 decades to figure it out but that's exactly what it's about. Women need to vent and they do not want men to fix it, which is how we are wired. I for one do not try to offer a fix to shut her up, I try to offer a fix because I love her and care about her and want to make it all better, but at the same time I get where you are coming from, it can be anxiety producing at times.
> 
> I'll offer you a simple solution that you might not have considered.
> 
> Hidden ear plugs. A bit easier if your hair covers your ears or if you keep the lights dim. When you hear her come home slip one in each ear, and simply look at her occasionally to see if her lips are still moving and if so, just keep nodding until it's all over.


That's a horrible idea!!! You shouldn't do that. If your wife finds out you're ignoring her in such a blatantly disrespectful way it'll be WWIII.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Hate to admit this but I tend to just sometimes want to ''vent'' to my fiance, and he'll offer solutions to what he perceives as a problem, and I'll say...''oh, I just wanted to tell you about it.'' lol

Which is usually followed by this by him: :scratchhead: 

Strangely, I'm a good problem solver, of other people's problems, just not my own dilemmas. ^_^


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> That's a horrible idea!!! You shouldn't do that. If your wife finds out you're ignoring her in such a blatantly disrespectful way it'll be WWIII.


I prefer active noise cancellation. Works pretty well and no headphones are needed


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I may be a bit unique but I love open and honest communication. I don't mind venting one bit. But repeated venting on the same subject time and time again with no solution in sight. Yeah I can't get behind that.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I arrived home from work, after a stressful day of dealing with the people over there>>>









and my wife immediately began telling me how horrible her best friend was and how she hated her.

She basically repeated the same attacks on her best friend for three quarters of an hour, saying the same s**t (but with minor differences) every 30 seconds or so.

Eventually I had had my fill of this, so I said to her: "Well, if you hate her that much, don't have anything to do with her."

This resulted in something like this:-









She claimed that I didn't want her to have friends, that I was trying to isolate her from everyone, that I was horrible, my family was horrible and the ultimate: "My mother told me not to marry you!"

My response, before I could stop my mind from formatting the reply, was: "Actually, that's not true. Your mother warned me not to marry you." Then the fight started...


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Too many people complain about everything. Complaining doesn't help you feel better. It makes you think it does, but it just relives the situation and increases stress level. I am not saying to not be vocal about stuff. Quite the opposite. But too many people (men and women) let things bother them and it ends up infecting their souls.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Herschel said:


> Too many people complain about everything. Complaining doesn't help you feel better. It makes you think it does, but it just relives the situation and increases stress level. I am not saying to not be vocal about stuff. Quite the opposite. But too many people (men and women) let things bother them and it ends up infecting their souls.


This was very true for me. I didn't realize it until my H pointed it out. He was like "work is work" and went into why I was wasting too much energy complaining about the things I was complaining about. I realized I was just being a big ol' ball of negativity around him. And that's just not sexy.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

> NOMAD: That unit is defective. Its thinking is chaotic. Absorbing it unsettled me.
> SPOCK: That unit is a woman.
> NOMAD: A mass of conflicting impulses.



@Joey2k I quoted your signature statement above.

You don't seem to "connect" very well with women, except on a biological (sexual) level.

If your wife doesn't vent to you, then you won't become intimate with her. Having your spouse tell you about all their feelings, problems, ideas---is how intimacy grows. Non-physical intimacy that is.

Try the suggestion that a few people here have given; plain out tell her that you need a de-stress time when you get off work, before you can listen to her.

If there is a real problem with, for instance, the finances---you need to find out what it is and fix it.

If her needle is stuck and she can't course correct when she encounters difficulties, and she won't take your good advice, then she needs counseling

If that doesn't work, then tell her to talk to someone else (friend, family member) when she needs to be heard.

And don't expect her to listen to you talk about yourself either.

Btw, there are plenty of logical, intelligent women, some even get college degrees in math and engineering. You just aren't attracted to those types of women.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


> What a horrible place to be in if your spouse just thought you were an annoying little mozzie that had to be tolerated.



That ain't no lie^^^ @MrsHolland I couldn't have said it better.


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## AlphaMale74 (Oct 15, 2014)

I score more points with my wife when I really listen to her and validate her feelings and concerns rather than trying to fix her issues.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> If your wife doesn't vent to you, then you won't become intimate with her. Having your spouse tell you about all their feelings, problems, ideas---is how intimacy grows. Non-physical intimacy that is.


Good Gods, yes. This. Absolutely this. I would even venture to ask how you can claim to love his woman if her attempts to bond with you emotionally are so callously brushed aside?


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

AlphaMale74 said:


> I score more points with my wife when I really listen to her and validate her feelings and concerns rather than trying to fix her issues.


This too. Agree 100%. More men need to learn how to do this. My logical INTJ husband finally got the hang of this, after a few years.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Joey,
You are 1000 percent right. Anxiety is often contagious. It is possible to learn how to not become anxious yourself. 





Joey2k said:


> (I suppose "Why I hate women venting" would be a better title, as I don't know if I speak for all men here)
> 
> Conventional wisdom is that men don't like to just sit there and let their wives or girlfriends vent because they are problem solvers and like to fix things. Possibly true, but as I was doing some self-examination/introspection I have come to the conclusion that "problem solving" may be a means to an end rather than a goal itself.
> 
> ...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

HATE is the last drop of that which refuses to be diluted by Rationality...........for me.

I FEAR [and bide] when my wife vents. Why? I can do no right. It is a storm that must consume itself. If I speak, I get swept up in the maelstrom.

Any noise that passes my lips fuels the anguish and the anger.

I look her in the eye and listen!


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Good Gods, yes. This. Absolutely this. I would even venture to ask how you can claim to love his woman if *her attempts to bond with you emotionally *are so callously brushed aside?


Exactly! And later on these very same people come to TAM and complain about how their wives are no longer interested in sex with them.

Hmmm...

Think there just might be a connection? :wink2:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Vega said:


> Exactly! And later on these very same people come to TAM and complain about how their wives are no longer interested in sex with them.
> 
> Hmmm...
> 
> Think there just might be a connection? :wink2:


However! It is awfully difficult to get intimate with someone who rants on and on and on and on and on...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> I arrived home from work, after a stressful day of dealing with the people over there>>>
> 
> 
> 
> ...




WTH Matt? 16000 posts and you learned nothing? You should temporarily lose your mod status for that mistake. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> WTH Matt? 16000 posts and you learned nothing? You should temporarily lose your mod status for that mistake.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That was a mistake when I knew no better. (Several years before I found TAM.)


Boy! Did I learn then that she did not want answers she just wanted to vent!


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

"hate" is a hard word. I think "resent" (occasionally or frequently) is a more accurate description.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Wolf1974 said:


> *I may be a bit unique but I love open and honest communication. * I don't mind venting one bit. But repeated venting on the same subject time and time again with no solution in sight. Yeah I can't get behind that.


This *IS* my husband.. . he wants to know what is going on in my life, that openness, that honesty.....he's even said this to me before -when I've asked him if I am telling him too much... doesn't matter whether it's good or bad...he's always been very accommodating like that.. 

I've gotten out of sorts over things on this forum even (stupid I know).....he's even laughed, helping me see I think TOO MUCH, I shouldn't let things get to me like that... "Life is good" he'll say....He always makes me feel better ... just listening, and offering his 2 cents..


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Unless I want my husbands opinion on something or I want him to fix something I don't vent to him. I try to give him a play by play of the day, but I keep it short and sweet and stick to the important facts. I use to tell him stuff that bugged me all the time, but he always wanted to fix it and didn't know how to just listen which made me more angry than what I was venting about until one day I realized that I was trying to turn my husband into my girlfriend. So not fair to my husband so I save the venting for my girlfriends who know how to listen with out trying to fix things. I want my husband to be a man and act like a man so I don't expect him to behave like one of my girlfriends and understand how upset I am that my favourite hairdresser moved out of town...he could frankly care less about stuff like that and I know it and love him for it because when I need him to really step up for me, he does, like a man.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

My husband used to try to fix my problems whenever I would vent to him. After repeated attempts to get him to just listen to me and give me emotional support without much success, I stop venting. I also stopped sharing my personal life, thoughts, or feelings. This caused me to drift apart from him. Imagine how shocked he was when he couldn't answer simple questions about me to our marriage counselor. He learned the hard way what I was trying to convey to him a long time ago. 

Our relationship is much better now that he finally gets it. When I vent, and he listens and offers support (not a fix), I feel like he's taking care of me, that he loves me enough listen to the b.s. This is my definition of manly. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> This is my definition of manly.


My definition of manly ...


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Men are not the only ones that dislike venting. 

Most of my women friends vent to me because I'm a fixer and I tell it like it is. I'm a product of parents that were dominant right vs. left hemisphere, respectively. 

My women friends get tired of empty validation from their other girlfriends and call me last because I tell them what they don't want to hear but need to hear. My best girlfriend is constantly doing this. I really don't know why she doesn't just call me first.... And yet, I do know. 

I'm fine with venting, everyone needs to vent at times. What I want to see is, after the vent, when they're less angry/emotional and more clear headed, that they are DOING something about the thing that makes them unhappy. They are working to improve the situation and have a PLAN to do so.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> However! It is awfully difficult to get intimate with someone who rants on and on and on and on and on...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


^ This. I think there is a fine line between venting and outright complaining. Some people are able to vent within reason and move on. Others however are unable to let go, keep dwelling on the same topic over and over, to the point where it is pure negativity and falls in line more with "misery loves company" . There is nothing attractive IMO with someone who does the latter.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

AlphaMale74 said:


> I score more points with my wife when I really listen to her and validate her feelings and concerns rather than trying to fix her issues.


Talk about the same thing for six months at a time and let us know how the points add up. 

My wife hates her jobs, period. Not a job. Every job she ever worked. We're talking highly skilled six figure consultant type jobs. She hates her current job, basically two days a week real work and three days of relaxation, work from home, six figures, fantastic benefits. Noooooooo, I'm too good for that  last job was 60 - 80 hour weeks for 5 years. Hated that too.

What are you going to validate?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I always say a silent prayer before we go grocery shopping on the weekend. It is never an enjoyable experience with my wife, and lord help everyone around, if the store is out of something...


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I learned a long time ago to really limit my venting to my husband. I had started to get the eye roll from him which made me angry. I accused him of not caring. I didn't want him to fix my problems; I just wanted him to listen & empathize. However after thinking about why he started doing that, it made me realize that I was venting way too much & too frequently. I now do not vent too much at all. He actually vents more than me now-a-days.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This reminds me of my ex... that was never happy with anything at work. He's come home and start venting the minute he stepped in the door... on and on. Used to drive me nuts.

If people came over to visit, he'd vent after they left.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> This reminds me of my ex... that was never happy with anything at work. He's come home and start venting the minute he stepped in the door... on and on. Used to drive me nuts.
> 
> If people came over to visit, he'd vent after they left.


I actually got to know everything about wife's coworkers except what they look like from her complaining. When we went to company parties I loved to try to match people with my mental pictures


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

john117 said:


> I actually got to know everything about wife's coworkers except what they look like from her complaining. When we went to company parties I loved to try to match people with my mental pictures


And when you finally meet them, you can say "Oh it's so good to finally meet you! My wife has told me SO much about you!" LOL. :laugh:


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> I always say a silent prayer before we go grocery shopping on the weekend. It is never an enjoyable experience with my wife, and lord help everyone around, if the store is out of something...


Don't go grocery shopping with her. Give her a list of stuff you need.

Then tell her you'd rather use that time to mow the lawn, or something like that.


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## caruso (Sep 23, 2016)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> That's a horrible idea!!! You shouldn't do that. If your wife finds out you're ignoring her in such a blatantly disrespectful way it'll be WWIII.


I came up with a solution for that too.

If the wife realizes you're not listening to her then look at her and say "Be right back!" then run out of the room, pretend to use the bathroom or really use the bathroom if you need to then come back in and say. "Sorry I didn't catch that last part because when you seem to be so unhappy I think about taking you on a trip and my mind sort of wandered for a minute what do you think about a trip to Mexico?".


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Don't go grocery shopping with her. Give her a list of stuff you need.
> 
> Then tell her you'd rather use that time to mow the lawn, or something like that.


Better yet. She can go shopping for what she thinks she needs. He can go shopping for what he thinks he needs.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Better yet. She can go shopping for what she thinks she needs. He can go shopping for what he thinks he needs.


Yes, that's another option.

Although, I was thinking that if he does the yardwork while she does the shopping; they get two sets of household chores completed in the same block of time.

Whatever works best. :wink2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Yes, that's another option.
> 
> Although, I was thinking that if he does the yardwork while she does the shopping; they get two sets of household chores completed in the same block of time.
> 
> Whatever works best. :wink2:


Option #3 - use Amazon Fresh, get groceries delivered direct to your door :grin2:


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Option #3 - use Amazon Fresh, get groceries delivered direct to your door :grin2:


What does that cost?


Is it available everywhere?



For some reason, it seems like people know too much about me, if they know every food item I buy and fill and deliver an order every week. That's old-fashioned thinking; but something about it weirds me out.

Might work for the samyeager family though


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EllisRedding said:


> Option #3 - use Amazon Fresh, get groceries delivered direct to your door :grin2:


It's not available everywhere... not here where I live.

years ago there was a grocery store here that had online ordering. They then delivered to my home. I LOVED it. But they closed down all the stores in my area.

Walmart now has ordering.... you place your order and just pick it up at their front door.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> My definition of manly ...


That junk tho.......Is there something else going on in this gif?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

notmyrealname4 said:


> What does that cost?
> 
> 
> Is it available everywhere?
> ...


It is an add on to my Amazon Prime membership (I think an extra $90 annually). Price on groceries is comparable to going to the store. Woke up this morning and had groceries waiting for us at the front door :smthumbup:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

CatJayBird said:


> That junk tho.......Is there something else going on in this gif?


Well, at a minimum it takes the phrase "tea-bagging it" to a whole new level :surprise:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> It's not available everywhere... not here where I live.
> 
> years ago there was a grocery store here that had online ordering. They then delivered to my home. I LOVED it. But they closed down all the stores in my area.
> 
> Walmart now has ordering.... you place your order and just pick it up at their front door.


It is an awesome option if available. We also have a ton of farms out by here so we get a lot of local produce delivered to us (not that it matters to me since I don't eat veggies lol).


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EllisRedding said:


> It is an awesome option if available. We also have a ton of farms out by here so we get a lot of local produce delivered to us (not that it matters to me since I don't eat veggies lol).


I just grow most of my own veggies.. it's easier and cheaper.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

This might be my liberal arts education at work, but this thread title reads as follows: why men want women to stop expressing thoughts and emotions. Women should exist solely to support to mens' desires, thoughts and needs. I'm probably being over-sensitive or venting though


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> I just grow most of my own veggies.. it's easier and cheaper.



That is eventually my Ws plans ... darn woodchucks caused a lot of issues. We would save a lot more money though if we raised chickens and cows though :smile2:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Some men are venters/whiners/complainers, too. I think people with obsessive traits tend to get in a mental loop about things that bother them. A female friend of mine was just telling me the other day about her husband ranting and ranting about the same topics....and it is driving her crazy. She also feels bad for him because she knows he is obsessive like this and he is stuck in his own head. She doesn't know how to help him, but she is finally figuring out that listening to him rant endlessly doesn't make the ranting stop, ever. She does need some better boundaries, IMO.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I wouldn't mind it so much if what she complains about are about work and situations you can actually do something about. It starts here but then kinda morphs into what we have isn't good enough and things we can't do anything about. It's not really worth talking about if nothing can be done about it. I know she's upset that she doesn't have what she thinks she's entitled to and her relatives have more of everything than we do, but unless we hit the lottery I can't do much about that (and at this point I'm not sure I would even if I could) . I would be fine with if the list of complaints were things we could do something about. I would help her solve them one by one.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Better yet. She can go shopping for what she thinks she needs. He can go shopping for what he thinks he needs.


We always plan out our weekly menu and shopping list together, typically on Saturday for shopping on Sunday. I am usually awake a few hours before she is on Sunday, and have happily done the shopping without her. She was not happy about me doing that for a couple of reasons. First, she likes spending the time together even though she hates shopping and freely acknowledges it is a frustration for her. Second, it hits right at the core of one ongoing and underlying issue...she feels as if I already do more in the relationship, especially when it comes to day to day living things such as cooking and cleaning, and me doing the shopping without her just reinforces that feeling inside her.


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