# My marriage is failing and I don't know if anything can be done...



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

I'm 28 years old and she's 28 years old as well. We've been married for 1.5 years now; however, we've been in a relationship off and on for the past 8 years.

I don't want to go into a lengthy description of our relationship up until now as I feel that my writing skill combined with not wanting to write too much would portray the wrong idea. Also, in part because I'm biased towards my side of the story so to say.

After we were initially married everything was going great as we've already been through all of our up's and downs... or so I thought. It wasn't up until now that I was made aware of how unhappy she has been the past 6mo to 1 year. She told me recently that divorce has been on her mind often and that she hates being at the house because of how unhappy it makes her. Coincidentally I have noticed that she avoids spending any time at the house unless I'm home, always at her moms or with friends but never home alone. She doesn't know why but she just isn't happy and some of the key phrases she used in her talking that stuck in my head were "didn't imagine it would be like this", "love me but she doesn't know if she's in love with me like she used to be 8 years ago", "our relationship has changed, it's not the same", "it's me that's ****ed up in the head, nothing you can do about it", "it's my daddy issues, nothing you can do about it" She also told me that the reason we haven't had sex recently (over a month) is because she just doesn't want to/insecure in her body/too pushy/doesn't know why. Each time I've even tried to just touch her / be intimate I'm told either that I'm being annoying, not now my show, not now I'm feeling fat or she slithers away from my hands with a annoyed/discussed look on her face. I'm so broken in my head about my own attractiveness/insecurity about being shot down now that I don't even know how to make a move like we used to. Now it feels not only weird for her, but weird for me. Imagine trying to be intimate with the person you love but they kind of look at you with annoyance and disgust. I never was insecure and always thought of myself as good looking but now I'm feeling worse than ever.

Also, over the past 6 mo to a year she started to have girl's night's out. I never had any issue with this and her girlfriends always told her how it's weird that I don't care if she goes out. However, now those nights when she goes out make me feel horrible inside. There's a reason why too. She used to call me when she got out of the bar, used to call me to pick her up, her phone stayed on and didn't die all the time every time while at the bar and she actually came HOME the same night. The past few months, if she goes out she always spends the night at Britney's house because she doesn't want to drive drunk (I would always be waiting at home so I could pick her up, but that call never comes anymore). Her phone dies approx 11pm guaranteed; but even if that's probable to happen, she doesn't call me when she gets out of the bar nor does she come home. I'm left at home just calling a phone that goes straight to voice mail. Sitting at home, by myself with my imagination going rampant. The next morning I'd get upset about her lack of communication and she pretty much says **** like " Then just divorce me ". As if I'm trying to lock her into the basement away from the light of day, all I ask is some shred of consideration / communication when your out and about with your friends. To call me and let me know your ok, to let me know what your doing and where you're staying if not coming home; to give me the option of coming to pick you up as I'd like to sleep not by myself but with her in my bed.

This Sunday morning after another one of her girl's night out where her phone died, she spent the night at Brittney and I couldn't reach her all night I confronted her about her rude behavior towards me and our relationship. She basically said that she feels that she's subconsciously sabotaging the relationship because she is unhappy.

I have suggested that we go to counceling which she's not receptive to. Also, the more I seem to want to give her attention, be more romantic and attentive to show her how much I love her; the more she pushes me away and acts distant. I'm almost to the point where I feel like I have to resort to high school jealousy games in order to get my wife to be interested in me again. I hate my life now, I didn't know how she felt at all and now that she's held it in so long I feel like it's far too late to re-kindle our passion. I feel lost and very very sad.
TL;DR - Wife been acting more and more distant, going out not coming home; says she's unhappy and subconsciously feels like she's sabotaging the relationship.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Are you monitoring her whereabouts, emails or text's?

Her behavior is the same as any other cheating spouse.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

kensai01 said:


> TL;DR - Wife been acting more and more distant, going out not coming home; says she's unhappy and subconsciously feels like she's sabotaging the relationship.


Nothing subconscious about it at all, she's actively sabotoging the relationship.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

She is being unfaihful to you. She is probably with other men but that is not my point. You wife going out all night and having her phone die at 11pm is absurd. This is not a marriage.

Nothing good here. If you start investigatin like many will tell you to do you will only feel disrespected and somehow responsible for her behavior. She does not love and is highly likely havin sex with other people.

Why in the world would any man put up with this?


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

No I haven't, I guess I was in denial about it. It wasn't until I talked to a friend recently that I began thinking she was cheating. I guess I'm too trusting and I thought that after 6 years of up and down that I wouldn't have to deal with this.


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

keko said:


> Are you monitoring her whereabouts, emails or text's?
> 
> Her behavior is the same as any other cheating spouse.


My previous post was in response to this. Should I be looking for evidence?


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

kensai01 said:


> No I haven't, I guess I was in denial about it. It wasn't until I talked to a friend recently that I began thinking she was cheating. I guess I'm too trusting and I thought that after 6 years of up and down that I wouldn't have to deal with this.


You thought wrong. 

Now get cracking. 

Better late than never.


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Dude, writing is on the wall. She's cheating on you. There are some red flags going on.

1. The "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech is classic for a cheater.

2. Frequent girls night out. Turning into not coming home at all. Her girlfriends are amazed that you let her do this. Translation, they're amazed that you let her sleep around. They're trying to give you hints without selling out their friend.

You stated that you try to give her more love and attention and she rejects it. It's because she feels that she doesn't deserve it because she's betraying you.

If she goes out on another girls night out, I would meet her at Brittney's to drive her home. No need for her to inconvience Brittney any longer than she has to!

Get a voice activated recorder (VAR) and velcro and secure it under her drivers seat of her car. Find out who she's talking to. Place some VAR's around the house. Places you know she makes her phonecalls. Then put a keylogger on the computer. Catch her e-mails and see if she's communicating with someone electronically.

If snooping makes you feel creepy just remember, you have EVERY RIGHT to know what's going on in your marriage. If you feel that your wife is not being truthful, then there's nothing wrong with finding out the truth yourself.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

The smart thing to do is divorce her immediately. That's what most guys do under these circumstances. Let me ask you an oddball question, though; when was the last time a woman hit on you?


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

kensai01 said:


> My previous post was in response to this. Should I be looking for evidence?


Well you're marriage is doomed to fail by continueing like this. You can gather evidence and expose her to her family, friends, coworker's only then she'll realize her fault then you might have a shot at reconciling.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Time for you to stand up, and be counted----she is controlling the situation, and you are allowing it

You may have started your relationship with her, to young, and now 8 yrs. later it is boring to her---

Right now, she is doing what she wants, and defying you to do something about it---so call her bluff----tell her point blank, the GNO's end, as of yesterday----she goes to counseling, and she makes an active effort to get back into/contribute to the mge., or she can get herself an atty., to defend a D. action

You MUST take some kind of action, if it is harsh as in D., so be it---YOU CANNOT JUST SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING

Stop the moaning and groaning, stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop groveling---and take charge of your own life---if she doesn't wanna be part of it---so be it---HER LOSS!!!!!


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If you want hard evidence,

install a keylogger on her computer, and monitor her emails, deleted/junk/sent.

Place a VAR(voice activated recorder) in her car, and listen to her phone calls. Its very likely she'll talk to the guy(s) she slept with or her friends and admit it.

Place a GPS in her car, see where she is going. If she is going out tonight, you can follow her and see what she's up to.


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> She is being unfaihful to you. She is probably with other men but that is not my point. You wife going out all night and having her phone die at 11pm is absurd. This is not a marriage.
> 
> Nothing good here. If you start investigatin like many will tell you to do you will only feel disrespected and somehow responsible for her behavior. She does not love and is highly likely havin sex with other people.
> 
> Why in the world would any man put up with this?


I know what you're saying; I almost don't want to know and I know the truth could scar me seroiuslly. But I'm not the type to make myself feel better by not knowing, the fact I don't know is eating away at me. I'd rather get really hurt and find out then heal then just always just wonder and not know. I can't stand the thought of her cheating on me. 

I called her today at 5pm to see how she's feeling, she had an issue with her eye. I told her to call me later if she'd like; no call yet and I doubt i'll get one. I could die in a fiery crash tonight on the way home because I'm tried and if nobody called her she'd probably wonder tomorrow evening why I didn't show up. Even if they did her phone would probably be off; it's funny because I want to call her because I'm sitting here by myself yet I am dreading calling the number because if it goes to voice mail I'll just sit here and start freaking out more.

It almost feels like when she got married it was because that was what people do, and now it's like time to move on again; life is getting stagnant and just like her parents, time to get divorced. I took her with all her flaws for life, I imagined us old and there for each-other because... life is cruel and hard and it's good to have somebody who will have your back 100%.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

No children? Then it's up to you to see to it that there is divorce in her future. She apparently feels that you don't care if she runs around on you or you wouldn't have permitted it to start with.
She's gone and you need to make plans on leaving too.


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

keko said:


> If you want hard evidence,
> 
> install a keylogger on her computer, and monitor her emails, deleted/junk/sent.
> 
> ...


Any suggestions where you buy things like this? I'm not exactly a detective and I don't want to buy something that's wrong. If you could point me in the right direction...


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

kensai01 said:


> I know what you're saying; I almost don't want to know and I know the truth could scar me seroiuslly. But I'm not the type to make myself feel better by not knowing, the fact I don't know is eating away at me. I'd rather get really hurt and find out then heal then just always just wonder and not know. I can't stand the thought of her cheating on me.
> 
> I called her today at 5pm to see how she's feeling, she had an issue with her eye. I told her to call me later if she'd like; no call yet and I doubt i'll get one. I could die in a fiery crash tonight on the way home because I'm tried and if nobody called her she'd probably wonder tomorrow evening why I didn't show up. Even if they did her phone would probably be off; it's funny because I want to call her because I'm sitting here by myself yet I am dreading calling the number because if it goes to voice mail I'll just sit here and start freaking out more.
> 
> It almost feels like when she got married it was because that was what people do, and now it's like time to move on again; life is getting stagnant and just like her parents, time to get divorced. I took her with all her flaws for life, I imagined us old and there for each-other because... life is cruel and hard and it's good to have somebody who will have your back 100%.


I am saying you know enough. Get outa dodge. Don't put yourself through the added humiliation. 

This is not the wife you are looking for.


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Is she out on another GNO? If this is the case, I would be casing out Britney's place. It sounds like Britney is an enabler. They'll probably bringing guys back to her place. And if Britney comes home alone, call her up! If she says she's staying at Britney's, well you know that's a lie....


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

kensai01 said:


> Any suggestions where you buy things like this? I'm not exactly a detective and I don't want to buy something that's wrong. If you could point me in the right direction...


Keylogger's can be found for free on the internet, just google keylogger. All you need is the site's she visit's and her password's for emails.

VAR, can be bought from electronic stores, radioshack, best buy, etc.

GPS, I only know them online(might take days/weeks to get). For this do you have any very close friend that you can follow your wife?


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

crossbar said:


> Is she out on another GNO? If this is the case, I would be casing out Britney's place. It sounds like Britney is an enabler. They'll probably bringing guys back to her place. And if Britney comes home alone, call her up! If she says she's staying at Britney's, well you know that's a lie....


You know what? I stand that I would know enough, but I would do exactly this. I honestly would do this.


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

keko said:


> GPS, I only know them online(might take days/weeks to get). For this do you have any very close friend that you can follow your wife?


Or if she has an iphone, you can just activate the GPS already in there. Andyou can usually get a good VAR for about 20 to 25 bucks.....far cry cheaper than hiring an PI


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

The red flags are obviously there that she already is cheating or maybe considering it.I wonder what kind of self-talk she goes through when her friends are always telling her how weird it is that her husband doesn't care that she goes out all the time.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Is she out tonight?


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> You know what? I stand that I would know enough, but I would do exactly this. I honestly would do this.


Well, I'm kinda second guessing this. If they do bring guys home, I wouldn't want him to confront right then and have it turn violent. If you could do this without violence,then okay. But, people don't know what they'll do in the heat of the moment.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

crossbar said:


> Well, I'm kinda second guessing this. If they do bring guys home, I wouldn't want him to confront right then and have it turn violent. If you could do this without violence,then okay. But, people don't know what they'll do in the heat of the moment.


More like catching them all into each other, photo's of her sent to her family, friends, coworkers might help her hit rock bottom.


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

hookares said:


> No children? Then it's up to you to see to it that there is divorce in her future. She apparently feels that you don't care if she runs around on you or you wouldn't have permitted it to start with.
> She's gone and you need to make plans on leaving too.


I see all these crazy guys who would go nuts if their wife would go out with her friends. I was trying to be trusting and understanding; what a dumb idiot I am. So if I trust her enough to go out with her friends, and that goes on for a few months, it ends up being that I should have told her NO YOU CANT. I mean, seriously speaking; if I would have prevented her from going out; think about it, it would almost 100% back fired on me as things like this always do. I feel so stupid for not seeing happening before my eyes.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

crossbar said:


> Well, I'm kinda second guessing this. If they do bring guys home, I wouldn't want him to confront right then and have it turn violent. If you could do this without violence,then okay. But, people don't know what they'll do in the heat of the moment.


Nothing wrong with violence per se, but the OP needs to understand his local laws before confronting any his wife's paramour(s).


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> You know what? I stand that I would know enough, but I would do exactly this. I honestly would do this.


Brittney never answers her phone when they are out. Always religiously calls me the following day like hey missed your call. What a bastard, yet I know she has her phone so far up her ass that she never misses a call; ever.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

kensai01 said:


> I see all these crazy guys who would go nuts if their wife would go out with her friends. I was trying to be trusting and understanding; what a dumb idiot I am. So if I trust her enough to go out with her friends, and that goes on for a few months, it ends up being that I should have told her NO YOU CANT. I mean, seriously speaking; if I would have prevented her from going out; think about it, it would almost 100% back fired on me as things like this always do. I feel so stupid for not seeing happening before my eyes.


Live and learn. If you're under 40, you've been programmed that way, but now you're getting the red pill forced down your throat. Any idea which clubs they're hitting?


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Nothing wrong with violence per se, but the OP needs to understand his local laws before confronting any his wife's paramour(s).


I'm not trying to find proof so I can catch her in the act. I just want to know if I'm being cheated on before I go see a lawyer. I need answers, not a confrontation. What good would come from a confrontation; I'd be on the loosing side of that emotional battle. Because ultimately the douche would be there, her support; and I would be alone.. to leave and deal with the situation. I don't need this... but I do need to know if shes cheating.


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

keko said:


> Is she out tonight?


No, she's at home she says. I don't doubt it because she had an allergy attack. She won't go out again until Friday night, I'll be working until 3am and I bet you money she won't come home again nor will I be able to reach her phone.

I'm not a drinker you have to understand, so unless I'm out to get women I don't go to bars. She's a drinker and likes to drink, so lately I was inquiring about going with her. Every single time she blocks the request with like "why dont u just go out with your friends" and "but it's just girls, that would be so GAY" etc. Also, her telling me this makes me feel so ****ing stupid, I mean to realize that your WIFE is telling you that she'd rather go out with her single-looser-no-guywillevermarrycrazychick- friends without you is crushing. If she wanted to go out with me and my friends I'd be proud to have her at my side. F me


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

kensai01 said:


> I see all these crazy guys who would go nuts if their wife would go out with her friends. I was trying to be trusting and understanding; what a dumb idiot I am. So if I trust her enough to go out with her friends, and that goes on for a few months, it ends up being that I should have told her NO YOU CANT. I mean, seriously speaking; if I would have prevented her from going out; think about it, it would almost 100% back fired on me as things like this always do. I feel so stupid for not seeing happening before my eyes.


IF she is cheating on you, then that ISN"T YOUR FAULT!!! You did nothing wrong. You know what? It's actually healthy to have time away from your loved ones for a little bit. It's okay to have different hobbies or interests. And going out for a drink with the girls every once in awhile is perfectly okay if it's done with respect to your partner. This is where we're going, this who's going and this is the time we expect to be back. If there's a change in the plans, I'll call you and let you know. That's the correct way to handle things. 

Now, I can kinda sense that you're a little worked up. You need to calm down and try to pretend that everything is okay in the Universe. If you start confronting her with absolute NO EVIDENCE, she will deny it all and the ONLY thing you taught her is to hide her affairs better if she's having them. Act like nothing is wrong.

If she's cheating on you, it's not your fault. It was her choice.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

kensai01 said:


> I'm not trying to find proof so I can catch her in the act. I just want to know if I'm being cheated on before I go see a lawyer. I need answers, not a confrontation. What good would come from a confrontation; I'd be on the loosing side of that emotional battle. Because ultimately the douche would be there, her support; and I would be alone.. to leave and deal with the situation. I don't need this... but I do need to know if shes cheating.


Then don't confront. Just stake out the place and take pix. Depending on the size of your city, you may be able to cruise the lots of the meat markets. Is your wife driving?


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Live and learn. If you're under 40, you've been programmed that way, but now you're getting the red pill forced down your throat. Any idea which clubs they're hitting?


Always singles bars, 21-25 year old crowd mostly. Her friends are all a lil younger and all single. I know that her friends are probably a constant news-reel of negative publicity about me because they would nothing rather than her be single. You see, they arn't as good looking as her so they depend on her to probably be the girl to reel in groups of guys (speculating).


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

kensai01 said:


> No, she's at home she says. I don't doubt it because she had an allergy attack. She won't go out again until Friday night, I'll be working until 3am and I bet you money she won't come home again nor will I be able to reach her phone.
> 
> I'm not a drinker you have to understand, so unless I'm out to get women I don't go to bars. She's a drinker and likes to drink, so lately I was inquiring about going with her. Every single time she blocks the request with like "why dont u just go out with your friends" and "but it's just girls, that would be so GAY" etc. Also, her telling me this makes me feel so ****ing stupid, I mean to realize that your WIFE is telling you that she'd rather go out with her single-looser-no-guywillevermarrycrazychick- friends without you is crushing. If she wanted to go out with me and my friends I'd be proud to have her at my side. F me


Don't beat yourself over it. At the end of the day you can rest knowing full well you never did the things she did, while she will continue to let herself be used to a point no one would be interested in her for long term. 

Gather your evidence, expose it to her family, friends, and coworkers so they know the truth, otherwise she will feed them lies and you'll end up being the bad guy.


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> The smart thing to do is divorce her immediately. That's what most guys do under these circumstances. Let me ask you an oddball question, though; when was the last time a woman hit on you?


I honestly don't remember. I am trying to start up 2 businesses simultaneously (freight brokerage/trucking and medical field related) as well as have a full time job as a manager in the logistics fields. I don't see many females my age, mostly truckers on my day to day. I guess, it's my way of rationalizing the fact that; no I don't get the cute girl at the gas station randomly strike up an open ended conversation w me. I don't think this happens unless your like godly good looing as a guy, if you're a girl it's different - hot girls get hit on all the time.


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

keko said:


> Well you're marriage is doomed to fail by continueing like this. You can gather evidence and expose her to her family, friends, coworker's only then she'll realize her fault then you might have a shot at reconciling.


I couldn't stay with a cheater because I couldn't ever get a good night's sleep unless I knew exactly where she was at any given moment. I'm too trusting, so once that trust would be shattered like this I couldn't just "bounce back".


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

kensai01 said:


> *Always singles bars, 21-25 year old crowd mostly.* Her friends are all a lil younger and all single. I know that her friends are probably a constant news-reel of negative publicity about me because they would nothing rather than her be single. You see, they arn't as good looking as her so they depend on her to probably be the girl to reel in groups of guys (speculating).


A married woman out always at singles bars ... and out all night, stays at someone elses place, won't answer phone.

Where is your boundary? Serious question. What activity do you consider a deal breaker? Then you will know how much information is enough.

I agree that you should not get worked up. She is not worth it.


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Dude, she TOLD YOU and is SHOWING YOU that she really don't want you. So don't go wasting your money to spy. Have some dignity and save yourself the pain. Walk away. Just make sure to protect your new businesses. Years later when you look back, and has retired at a young age. Send her a TY note


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> A married woman out always at singles bars ... and out all night, stays at someone elses place, won't answer phone.
> 
> Where is your boundary? Serious question. What activity do you consider a deal breaker? Then you will know how much information is enough.
> 
> I agree that you should not get worked up. She is not worth it.


I'm apparently in serious denial, I justified it because I'm not a drinker and I didn't want to deny her what she enjoys doing (drinking at a bar with some friends). I should trust my gut instinct, it's telling me somethings wrong. I need to get myself a VAR and a tracker to see exactly what's up.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

OldWolf57 said:


> Dude, she TOLD YOU and is SHOWING YOU that she really don't want you. So don't go wasting your money to spy. Have some dignity and save yourself the pain. Walk away. Just make sure to protect your new businesses. *Years later when you look back, and has retired at a young age. Send her a TY note*


Seems like the best way to get back at her.


----------



## kensai01 (Apr 10, 2012)

OldWolf57 said:


> Dude, she TOLD YOU and is SHOWING YOU that she really don't want you. So don't go wasting your money to spy. Have some dignity and save yourself the pain. Walk away. Just make sure to protect your new businesses. Years later when you look back, and has retired at a young age. Send her a TY note


You are right and I know and am starting to face the music. Regardless if she's cheating or NOT - based on my post; re-reading it again and trying to look at it objectively... F man, cheating or not cheating it doesn't look good. I mean she is telling me that she wants out, why am I trying to make this work...


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

kensai01 said:


> I honestly don't remember. I am trying to start up 2 businesses simultaneously (freight brokerage/trucking and medical field related) as well as have a full time job as a manager in the logistics fields. I don't see many females my age, mostly truckers on my day to day. I guess, it's my way of rationalizing the fact that; no I don't get the cute girl at the gas station randomly strike up an open ended conversation w me. I don't think this happens unless your like godly good looing as a guy, if you're a girl it's different - hot girls get hit on all the time.


Whether or not you get rid of your wife, which you absolutely should, you need to step up your game. You need to move her along before any of your businesses take off. Take up HIT weight training, either way. It's very time efficient and will make you more appealing to women.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Your next go around. Find a woman more comapitble with you. Don't marry another party girl.


----------



## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

I;m glad to see you're starting to think. Just think how you would feel 10 yrs from now if this had happened. Kids, businesses, home, all split because of an immature woman. So stop spending your down time worrying if she is coming home, and spend it putting those business plans together. And if you are in Fl, I have a class A CDL, LOL


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Single friends in 21 -25 range? You are most likely f*cked. That is the worst crowd your wife can hang out with. And you know why they don't pick up? Your wife asks them not to. 

Even in the rare chance that she is not actually cheating, the disrespect is more than enough to separate. She is treating you worse than garbage. Next time she brings up divorce, tell her fine, you will do it. And make a lawyer appointment the next day and proceed with it. This is no way to live in a marriage. Her drinking has to stop. Her GNO with single friends has to stop. 
What kind of phone does she have? Can you hire a PI? I hope other members already helped you with VAR and GPS advice through PMs


----------



## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

kensai01 said:


> I see all these crazy guys who would go nuts if their wife would go out with her friends. I was trying to be trusting and understanding; what a dumb idiot I am. So if I trust her enough to go out with her friends, and that goes on for a few months, it ends up being that I should have told her NO YOU CANT. I mean, seriously speaking; if I would have prevented her from going out; think about it, it would almost 100% back fired on me as things like this always do. I feel so stupid for not seeing happening before my eyes.


 You know, Kensai, denial is not just a river in Egypt. Don't feel stupid; we've all been there. Your wife has shown complete disrespect for both you and your marriage. Unless she does a complete about face, we all know where this is going. The fact is that you can't and shouldn't try to control her. But you can control your responses to her actions. Search this site for Morituri's post "Let them go" and read up on the 180. Start working on yourself; that's where your happiness lies. Good luck to you.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

It's pretty hard to not beat yourself up for not realizing what's been going on with you spouse. The fact that you are energetically trying to work at three endeavors in order to build financial security for your "family" can easily cause you to overlook the obvious if you trust her even a little. 
Just know this. You are better off cutting her off and finding someone you can rely on than to stay with her for another ten or twelve years and then find out she's been doing you all along.


----------

