# Wife had affair. 2kids..please advise on how to deal



## wifehademotionalaffair (Jan 25, 2013)

My W and I have 2 young children.. 2 and 3 1/2 ... been together for 6 years...Shes 30 i'm 40 ..We traveled everywhere together and then had 2 kids back to back.. I took a consulting job which required extensive travel at her encouragement ..and we had arguments ever since... she has always resorted to violence when mad about anything and last year it got out of control... she said she wanted seperation and then joined 3 dating websites and then starting communication with a man 50 years old everyday.. meeting for lunch and God knows what else.. I confronted her about it and she took the defensive.. She moved out and we now live in separate houses for the past 4 months. I spend more time with the kids than I ever have before but long for my marraige to be reconciled. She has said that she feels like the past 6 years have been waisted and spends her weekends putting the kids to bed and then hanging out in clubs until 3 am every weekend.she had her you get sister move in with her to watch the kids at night while she parties She reverting back to the life she lived at 24 and completely disregarding our marraige.. She would take her ring off whenver she got mad and would use punishment as a tool to get me to do whatever she wanted. She recently said that she feels like I'm winning in this because I do not have to care for the kids full time and am on my own. However, I have never cheated on her and want my family restored. Currently, she talks to different men on dating websites everyday and goes out on dates .. but I have focused on working out, learning a new language and my kids... I went through the stage of sending flowers and being overly caring but to be honest I always been that way. Now I stopped everything because my actions were only returned with no affection or every vitrial... and friends who have gone through similar situation have said to leave her alone. My emotions have been a roller coaster.. sometimes extremely high and sometimes extremely low wanting to bury myself in wine. Am I a fool for thinking we could get back together or should I just move on? and another note... my wife is a beautiful woman and has never been faithful in previous relationships until she met me (in a non sexual way) meaning talking to multiple people at once. Until the 50 year old man.. she has been faithful to me but with 2 new kids not like we have had much time to each other or anything else. Has anyone experienced something like this ... While she actively dating? should I date too? I would have no trouble getting someone but know that if I go that route I might never come back. Please advise.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

File on her ass, but first document the heck out of her abandoning the kids at night to go get laid. Your attorney probably has a couple of PIs he uses. Go for full custody as your WW is not fit to be a babysitter.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Please reread your post as if it was written by someone else. What would you say to them? You judge a person by their actions and her actions speak volumes. How much humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure? I strongly suggest you contact an attorney to understand your options. 

You may also wish to ask yourself why would a woman respect a spouse who allows them to humiliate them in such a terrible way without consequences to their actions. You are enabling her to continue with her massive disrespect to you and your marriage. Enough is enough!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you start dating it justifies her affair and her behavior will continue. You will then be the bad guy in all of this. Its funny how they can rewrite history....

Get the divorce and then date.

You might get her to turn a corner by stop caring about her and show her that you can and will let her go. 

I have a feeling she can have you and the new life style, cuz in her mind you ain't going anywere. Maybe I'm wrong but until she starts to think twice in what she is about to loss and second guess her choices in how she behaves she will continue.

Its time to give a taste of reality by showing her indiference and an emotional detachment from you.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

This is a no-brainer.

File.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

There are many, many kind, loyal women in the world who would love to meet you.

You shouldn't want the rest of your life to be like the past years with your wife. She is a terrible wife. You should not try to reconcile.

Get a divorce and get out there to discover how much better it can be.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

I am as confused as you appear to be. Your post keeps referring to a "wife". Yet you failed to describe a wife in any shape or form. 

For a minute or two I thought perhaps you meant that aging bar fly who goes to bed with anyone who can snap their fingers. She could have been someone's wife at one time but only a fool would seriously consider having her act as a responsible role model for children.

You are in urgent need of couseling with a 2x4 for the sake of your children.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wifehademotionalaffair said:


> Until the 50 year old man.. she has been faithful to me but with 2 new kids not like we have had much time to each other or anything else. Has anyone experienced something like this ... While she actively dating? should I date too? I would have no trouble getting someone but know that if I go that route I might never come back. Please advise.


If you don't have time for each other because you have 2 new kids, then how does she have time to chat up guys and date? Makes no senses.

Do not start dating until you file for divorce. So file soon so you can start to date and move on with your life. And do not date or marry anyone with a history of cheating. they will cheat on you.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

You need to remove her "Soft Landing" from her desire to seek out Other Men!! That means see a lawyer and file for divorce and learn about 180!! There by showing her the consequences of her cheating and forcing her to chose now on your schedule and not hers!!!


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

1. She resorts to violence when she doesn't get her way.

2. She punishes you when she doesn't get her way.

3. She has manipulated you to get her way. In fact, you are now paying for her to live in her party shack, where she can do whatever the hell she wants while toxic sister babysits.

4. She is actively dating and fvcking other men.

Sorry WHEA, but you married what we call a "pretty princess." They are selfish, and have an unreasonable sense of entitlement. Everything is all about her. She is most likely a cluster B personality disorder (narcissistic or histrionic). She's broken, and you can't fix her.

Your marriage is a sham, and she is not your wife. Cut off her funds, file for divorce and custody, and then run fast and far. 

Learn to avoid these types of women in the future.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

You should have filed for D yesterday. Why should she stop when you are not doing anything to stop her A?

File for D and start dating.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

wifehademotionalaffair said:


> My W and I have 2 young children.. 2 and 3 1/2 ... been together for 6 years...Shes 30 i'm 40 ..We traveled everywhere together and then had 2 kids back to back.. I took a consulting job which required extensive travel at her encouragement ..and we had arguments ever since... she has always resorted to violence when mad about anything and last year it got out of control... she said she wanted seperation and then joined 3 dating websites and then starting communication with a man 50 years old everyday.. meeting for lunch and God knows what else.. I confronted her about it and she took the defensive.. She moved out and we now live in separate houses for the past 4 months. I spend more time with the kids than I ever have before but long for my marraige to be reconciled. She has said that she feels like the past 6 years have been waisted and spends her weekends putting the kids to bed and then hanging out in clubs until 3 am every weekend.she had her you get sister move in with her to watch the kids at night while she parties She reverting back to the life she lived at 24 and completely disregarding our marraige.. She would take her ring off whenver she got mad and would use punishment as a tool to get me to do whatever she wanted. She recently said that she feels like I'm winning in this because I do not have to care for the kids full time and am on my own. However, I have never cheated on her and want my family restored. Currently, she talks to different men on dating websites everyday and goes out on dates .. but I have focused on working out, learning a new language and my kids... I went through the stage of sending flowers and being overly caring but to be honest I always been that way. Now I stopped everything because my actions were only returned with no affection or every vitrial... and friends who have gone through similar situation have said to leave her alone. My emotions have been a roller coaster.. sometimes extremely high and sometimes extremely low wanting to bury myself in wine. Am I a fool for thinking we could get back together or should I just move on? and another note... my wife is a beautiful woman and has never been faithful in previous relationships until she met me (in a non sexual way) meaning talking to multiple people at once. Until the 50 year old man.. she has been faithful to me but with 2 new kids not like we have had much time to each other or anything else. Has anyone experienced something like this ... While she actively dating? should I date too? I would have no trouble getting someone but know that if I go that route I might never come back. Please advise.


You made a common mistake a lot of BS make. As others have said you can't nice your wife out of an affair.

Not sure if you're going to come back but I do want to ask you, why do you want this marriage back exactly? I didn't hear anything from you about actually loving your wife.

Do you want her back or do you want the lifestyle back you were accustomed to? Because those are two very different things.

I also find it distubring how you claim she treats you. It sounds like she's been running around partying and ****ing like some college kid. Supposing she did come back, how would you handle her? What would you expect to change? What would you be willing to do to work on the marriage and what type of expectations/restrictions would you put on her?

The best thing to do in situations like these I think are to file for divorce. Doesn't mean you actually have to go through with it but WS need to see there are consequences for their actions and behaviors. From what you've said it sounds like you've been doing the exact opposite. 

Anyway I hope you come back. You'll find plenty of support here. I also think you need to seriously ask yourself if this marriage is the best thing for you. It might be better to move on.

And here are some books you might want to try reading and a favorite thread of mine that seems to give BS a different perspective.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html


The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011: Athol Kay: 9781460981733: Amazon.com: Books

Surviving an Affair: Willard F. Jr. Harley, Jennifer Harley Chalmers: 9780800717582: Amazon.com: Books


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## wifehademotionalaffair (Jan 25, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wifehademotionalaffair (Jan 25, 2013)

I came back.. Everyone and thanks so much for your comments . To answer some of your ?s. why do I want my W back? I love her and believe that she needs help. She was basically abandoned by her mother until she was 8 and her mother married and had another child. She has survived on her beauty, quit very job , school class when it became difficult and I was there to support her. I should have never allowed the violent outburst from the beginning. Regardless of what is happening now, throughout the 6 years of our relationship she had been faithful .. We shared everything l, we had no passwords protected. She is a good mother to our children she just has complete disregard for anyone else emotions including her family. I love my children which is why I have not files divorce yet. She has ended the relationship with the 50 yr old but is still constantly seeking admiration from others on line. She is not a **** just uses flirtation as a way of distraction. Can I move on? Yes, will I find someone else ? Yes. But isn't that the easy way out. I could file the divorce to force the issue... Just not emotionally ready to pull that trigger yet. What I have done is stop contact and reaching out. Pick kid up from daycare and drop them off there. No contact on weekends. She does reach out but if I don't respond , she sends hateful messages. I am only responding to positivity. At this point I don't have a plan.. But it's what u am doing now. Thanks again for all your comments... It's nice to have a forum to vent. Lastly afrr reading the early comments it may be my w has a type b personality disorder... Any one experience a relationship with someone like that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Throughout your relationship you have told your wife, through your words and actions that she has permission to do as she pleases:



wifehademotionalaffair said:


> *... I love her and believe that she needs help. I'm sure she knows that deep down you excuse her behavior. Which oddly enough, makes her disgusted with you
> 
> *She was basically abandoned by her mother until she was 8 and her mother married and had another child. This is an insult to every abandoned child who grew up to be a respectable, honest, trustworthy spouse. You enable her with lame - yes lame! excuses.
> 
> ...


You say she is a good mother yet in the very same breath: _"...she just has complete disregard for anyone else emotions including her family."_

She and YOU are teaching your children how to interact with family and in relationships. Your wife's actions are showing them that shunning others and spewing words of hate are acceptable. 

If you had a crystal ball you would see that in 15 years your very own children will be in troubled relationships. Your boy acting like you - being cheated on. Your girl ... well, let's not go there. 

But you are setting your kids up for a failed life. So a good mother? hardly. And you're not doing them any favors either. They depend on YOU. Your wife betrays you. You betray your children's future.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

wifehademotionalaffair said:


> My W and I have 2 young children.. 2 and 3 1/2 ... been together for 6 years...Shes 30 i'm 40 ..We traveled everywhere together and then had 2 kids back to back.. I took a consulting job which required extensive travel at her encouragement ..and we had arguments ever since... *she has always resorted to violence when mad about anything* and last year it got out of control... *she said she wanted seperation and then joined 3 dating websites and then starting communication with a man 50 years old everyday.. meeting for lunch and God knows what else*.. I confronted her about it and she took the defensive.. *She moved out* and we now live in separate houses for the past 4 months. I spend more time with the kids than I ever have before but long for my marraige to be reconciled. *She has said that she feels like the past 6 years have been waisted and spends her weekends putting the kids to bed and then hanging out in clubs until 3 am every weekend.*she had her you get sister move in with her to watch the kids at night while she parties She reverting back to the life she lived at 24 and completely disregarding our marraige.. *She would take her ring off whenver she got mad and would use punishment as a tool to get me to do whatever she wanted.* She recently said that she feels like I'm winning in this because I do not have to care for the kids full time and am on my own. However, I have never cheated on her and want my family restored. Currently, *she talks to different men on dating websites everyday and goes out on dates* .. but I have focused on working out, learning a new language and my kids... I went through the stage of sending flowers and being overly caring but to be honest I always been that way. Now I stopped everything because my actions were only returned with no affection or every vitrial... and friends who have gone through similar situation have said to leave her alone. My emotions have been a roller coaster.. sometimes extremely high and sometimes extremely low wanting to bury myself in wine.* Am I a fool for thinking we could get back together or should I just move on?* and another note... my wife is a beautiful woman and has never been faithful in previous relationships until she met me (in a non sexual way) meaning talking to multiple people at once. Until the 50 year old man.. she has been faithful to me but with 2 new kids not like we have had much time to each other or anything else. Has anyone experienced something like this ... While she actively dating? should I date too? I would have no trouble getting someone but know that if I go that route I might never come back. Please advise.


Dear whea,

You ask, "Am I a fool for thinking we could get back together or should I just move on?" The answers are yes and yes.

As others are telling you, you can stop being a doormat and start being a man, or you can continue to put up with all the sh*t she is giving you; it's your choice. If you choose the latter, stop complaining because your misery will be on your own head.

Below is something I sent another BH. It applies equally to you and your situation.

+++

Let's start by putting your situation in perspective. None of your children have died. You have not been diagnosed with terminal cancer. You do not live in an impoverished or oppressed nation with no hope for the future. Actually, despite your present difficulties, you have a life that billions of fellow human being would swap theirs for in a heartbeat if they could. So stop looking at this as the end of the world and start counting your blessings.

You are at the beginning of a new journey that will change your life. You can choose to look at that as "bad news" but it may also be "good news," depending on how you respond. If you take charge and start doing what you need to do, I can all but guarantee that you will end up with a much better life than you ever had before.

I'll describe in a minute the things you should do now, but let me first explain why you need to do them. Basically, your goal should be to make yourself into the best man you can be. If you do this, one of two things will happen (or maybe both): (1) you will attract desirable woman and eventually find one who appreciates you, loves you and wants to spend her life with you or (2) your WW will come out of her fog, realize what she is losing and desperately want you to take her back. You will regain your confidence and life will be fun again. You will make new friends, do many more fun things than you ever did before and be more successful professionally. Your children will respect you more. You will find life more satisfying and fulfilling than ever before. OK, I know this sounds like an infomercial for some wacky diet plan but, trust me, it's true.

What do you need to do? It's all about the three A's: appearance, attitude and actions.

Appearance

I put appearance first on the list because it's the easiest category of things you can do right now to improve your life.

There's an old saying that "appearance is everything." While this is a bit of an overstatement, it nevertheless holds a lot of truth. Human beings react to others' appearance -- and this is the important point -- the way people react to us affects us profoundly. It's no coincidence that good looking people generally have a better self-image: people treat them better so they feel better about themselves. Thus, our appearance is critical to our mental well-being.

The goal is to be as physically attractive as possible, to both men and woman, young and old, friends and foes. The more attractive you are, the better people will treat you -- all people. The better people treat you, the better you will feel about yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the more able you will be to make the other changes that you need to make in your life to be happy.

There are four aspects of attractiveness: health, physical fitness, dress and grooming. Let's take them in the reverse order.

Good grooming is the easist way of improving your attractiveness and showing others that you respect yourself. I assume you know what a well-groomed man looks like (good haircut, shaved, teeth brushed, nails clean, etc.). Make this the first thing you do everyday so that everybody (including your WW and children) always see you in the best light.

Dress is also important. You don't have to look like a million bucks but you should look good. That means wearing stylish clothes that project the proper image. Again, you need to dress well for all occasions, even if you're just kicking around the house. Your WW, your children, your family and friends and even strangers need to see you as a well-dressed man at all times.

Physical fitness is important because a lean, muscular guy gets more respect from everybody, and the respect of others translates into more self-respect. Being physically fit isn't hard, but it does require self-discipline, effort and consistency. Lay off the booze, eat well, exercise regularly, get enough sleep. These things may be hard right now but, if you really try, they will become easier over time and the rewards will be amazing.

Finally, health. If you have any health problems, now is the time to address them. Sick people are just not attractive, nor do they have the strength and stamina to make improvements in their lives.

Attitude

I know what you are going through is playing havoc with your emotions and this will continue for quite some time. But, as human beings, we all have the ability to put on a face to mask our pain and disappointment. It's easier for some than for others but everybody can do it if they really want to. As Shakespeare said, "All the worlds a stage and all men and woman ... players." Attitude is all about acting the part that's right for you.

What should your attitude be right now? You should project personal integrity, warmth and kindness, emotional and physical strength and stoic indifference to your personal problems. I know, you don't feel like this but, trust me, if you play the part, your feelings will actually change.

Your WW should see a man whose attitude says, 

"I'm disappointed with what you've done but I understand that there is nothing more I can do to win you back so I'm going to get on with my life. I don't hate you for this and I even understand that I failed you in some ways. But you're the one that decided to cheat and, in the end, you will have to live with that for the rest of your life. I wish to get along with you for the sake of our children, whom we both love. But I will not let what you've done prevent or what you do in the future me from being happy. If you need something from me, I will give it to you if I can, but not at the expense of my own needs. I wish you happiness and hope that you wish the same for me."

Your children should see man whose attitude says,

"I love you very much and will always be here for you. I am sad about what has happened between your mother and me but I will not let that affect in any way how I treat you. I still respect your mother and want her to be a part of your lives. I will do what I can to comfort you but I will also expect you to make good decisions and act appropriately at all times. I am and always will be your father and you are and always will be my children, and there is no power on earth that can ever change that. You can trust and rely on me.'

Your family, friends and colleagues should see a man whose attitude says,

"My wife has dishonored her marriage vows and shown no remorse despite my attempts to win her back. Therefore, I have no choice but to divorce her and get on with my life. I will continue to be a good father to my children. I will also continue to meet my professional and personal obligations. I am strong and dependable and will get through this just fine. I am confident that, eventually, I will be happy again. While I am naturally disappointed with what has happened, I am at peace with myself and the world."

And, most importantly, you should see a man whose attitude says,

"I can deal with the pain this has caused me because I must for the sake of my children and, most importantly, for myself. I may cry from time to time but I will do it in private. I may get angry at times but I will never let my anger show. I am unsure of the future but I will move forward in confidence because I have already proved to myself that I can face up to life's challenges and overcome adversity. I will do my best to treat others, even my WW, in the way that I wish to be treated. I will always try to act in a way that I can look myself in the mirror in the morning and say, I did my best no matter what adversity life threw at me. If I make a mistake or fail in any way, I will admit it, learn from it, pick myself up and do better the next time. I will live my life, grateful for what I have and not complaining about what I don't. I will be the best man I can be, not only for myself but for all the people who love and depend on me."

This is the attitude that you need to project to the world. At first, it will be hard and you will slip up often. But you'll get better at it and, eventually, it will become easier. Why? Because eventually you will begin to believe it and your attitude really will change.

Here's a tip. If you're ever in a quandary over how to deal with a situation, think about an actor or two who played roles you really admire. For an old guy like me, it's John Wayne (the strong, silent type) and Cary Grant (the devil-may-care sophisticate). When I'm in a situation and am not sure what my attitude should be, I ask myself how they would they have reacted. It's amazing how quickly it helps you figure things out.

Here's another tip. Smile a lot. A smile denotes happiness and contentment. People react positively to a smile. And a smile can disarm many a difficult situation.

Actions

Sorry, but I need to give you another adage: "Actions speak louder than words." No truer statement was ever uttered. It is not what we say but what we do that reveals our goals, values and character. I left this for last because it is the hardest part of our lives to change, precisely because our actions are a reflection of our goals, values and character. A dishonest person finds it difficult to be truthful, a self-centered person difficult to be kind to others, etc. Nevertheless, despite our failings, we can -- if we try -- begin to act in a manner that more closely resembles the person we want to be and, in the process, we can actually change ourselves. The thing to understand is that action proceeds change, not other way around. We don't start doing the right thing because we've changed, we begin to change when we start doing the right thing.

So, if for example we want to be happy, we have to do the things that happy people do. You're not happy right now, but nothing prevents you from doing the things that will make you happy. Perhaps it's spending more time with your children, or being more socially engaged with family and friends, or becoming active in community service or charitable work, or playing sports, or ... well, you know better than I what will make you happy. The point is to start doing the things you would do if you were happy with your life and, lo and behold, you will actually start to be happier.

As I said, this is the hardest of the three A's but, ultimately, this is what you are working toward. Appearance and attitude lay the groundwork for your return to a happy life, but you won't get there until your start to live a happy life. And there's no reason you can't start living it now, if only in a small way (taking baby steps at first).

Of course, do not lose sight of your two main responsibilities -- your children and your profession. Do the things a good father does -- spend time with your kids, do fun things and be patient with them. And be the best you can be at your job -- you will advance your career to the benefit of your children and the person who you eventually decide to share your life with.

This may sound like a daunting list of tasks but, if you think about it, you will realize that you've been doing most of it all your life. You just need to refocus and improve in the areas where you were a bit lacking. Having a conscious plan of improvement will help take your mind off your problems better than any drugs or counseling could do (although, if you need counseling, don't be afraid to get it). Don't just think about what you need to do, write it down, keep a list, check it from time to time to help yourself stay on track. When you've gotten comfortable with one goal, move on to another. Keep making progress. Don't just sit around thinking about your problems, do something about them.

It's your life. Begin to live it the way you want, starting with small improvements. As Lao-Tzu said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Take the first step today.

+++

Good luck.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Your wife has been using you as a white night doormat to take care of her when her ventures fail because the become too much work.

Then she met someone else and dumped you cold. He didn't pan out, so now she is hitting the clubs on weekends looking for yet another guy and fun with hookups as she hunts for him.

And you continue to love and want her back.

In her eyes she has no respect for you for being someone who would accept being blatantly cheated on and still take her back.

File, it may be the only way to get her to see you are willing to stand up for yourself.

Also if she is dumping the kids on another adult so she can club and hookup, then sorry she's not being a good mom in any sense. The kids know they are being dumped.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Get rid of that KISA complex you have.
Stop selling yourtself excuses for her, start adressing your marriage, your wife, yourslef with more accuracy.
Choose self respect, put boundaries around you to protect yourself.
You are not ready to pull the trigger... help yourself to go there.

The Healing Heart: The 180
Just Let Them Go


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## wifehademotionalaffair (Jan 25, 2013)

Wow .. Tuff words but the last 2 post are exactly right. First I must admit that I have been weak when it came to this situation. However, I am not being total naive. I cut her off financially, she had to get a job because she wasn't working. I take care of my kids... We have a lot of fun together, we spend more quality time than ever b4. I have burried myself in the gym and am in my best shape in 10 years, I am learning French, and dress to impress whenever I go out. There is a reason she fell for me. At the end of this process I will be better off emotionally, physically and finacially than I was b4. I'm confident I'm going to be okay. It doesn't make day to day life any easier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Did you file for D yet?

If not, why not?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There are many really excellent, good, kind women out there.
Sadly, your wife isn't one of them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's a possibility that your wife has some kind of personality disorder. But the bottom like is the same whether she has one or not. She has to be willing to learn new ways to behave. She has to get counseling to find ways to cope as she seems to need a lot of attention and validation.

It sounds like you were not spending as much time with her that she needs and she looked for attention elsewhere. A couple has to spend a minimum of 15 hours a week together maintain the love and passion in a marriage. 

There are some books that I think you would benefit from. The first one is "Surviving An Affair" By Dr. Harley. 

The others, to be read afterwards are linked to in my signature block below for buildng a passionate marriage.

If you want a chance at saving your marriage they will give you good guidance on how to do this.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

If you want to continue to live in limbo, just keep doing nothing.
But, if you want to get this settled, then file.
Filing, will NOT end the marriage the next day. It usually takes time to actually get to court.
What you will be doing is showing your wife you are NOT going to be emotionally blackmailed anymore.

My man, I can see wanting your wife back, but how many men will be too many before you say,,, ENOUGH !!!
Do you actually know any of these men she is dating ??
well you better find out a few things before saying you will take her back.
She may come back with a few life threatening surprises. 

I don't know about you, but I love my LIFE way more than a woman.
Women, just like us men, are a dime a dozen, just ask the guys she's seeing. easy come easy go.
But self respect, that's not easy to replace.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I know you can't file on a Sunday, but you can on a Monday.

Listen, my friend. Your wife doesn't respect you as a man. I don't care what she says to you; actions speak louder than words. 

I can tell you that because my wife also walked all over me when I extended an olive branch to save our family. 

She will respect you more if you start showing strength and resolution. More importantly, you will respect yourself more. 

The changes you are making for yourself are good but you need to make the big move. Be prepared to lose the marriage in order to save it (if that's what you want). You're still stuck in neutral gear but with gas on the accelerator. You're wasting fuel and making a lot of noise. Let her see you pulling out of the driveway and never coming back.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

staystrong said:


> I know you can't file on a Sunday, but you can on a Monday.
> 
> Listen, my friend. Your wife doesn't respect you as a man. I don't care what she says to you; actions speak louder than words.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

It is not your job to fix her. She is not fixable anyway.

Your dating value is higher at age 40 than 50. If you try to reconcile you will be here again and again as you waste good time after bad. 

While you reorganize hit the gym. Up you dating value with lower weight and higher muscles. One the divorce is fully filed start dating. Read about the alpha beta male thing. You don't have to be full alpha to get a good woman.... Sorry to say I see too much beta in you.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Seeking other men but in a Non-Sexual way ? Hard to believe.
It seems she has always cheated on you, but somehow succeeded in convincing you that she was a victim of circumstances etc, and her acts are non-sexual in nature etc etc.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

DNA test the kids asap.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Look up borderline personality disorder, this sounds like what several other posters have been through. Hopefully this will not be the case.


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