# Becoming a new stepgrandpa!



## miserableinlove_35 (May 21, 2011)

Try to make this quick and get to the root of the situation. Me and my spouse have been together for 6 years now. I had 2 girls of my own and she had a 12 yo daughter when we met. The relationship between my and the daughter has always been strained, in part I think because her real father was never around. Also partly because grandma spoiled the hell out of her, and I tried to bring that down because it affected my kids and because she was becoming... well, spoiled.
She has now at 17 moved out, or as we call it "ran away". She lives with grandma now, big shock there. This has strained my spouse and I's relationship too so more fights and more sleeping apart.
Now the fun part. The teen is pregnant. We just confirmed that yesterday and also learned that the dad is a real loser we told her from day one to stay away from. Drugs, skinhead, no schooling, can't hold a job, and a womanizer. So we have been hearing about this kid for months and haven't liked him, but yesterday I get woke up and told he is here and wants to meet us. Great! How do I handle this? Of course moments before he walks in the door the spouse tells me, "remember we agreed to be nice to him." Uh what? Suddenly because the pos is a dad I'm supposed to welcome him with open arms?! Oh hell no!
So he walks in and I basically wait to see what he will do or say. Nothing, not a word about his intentions, his plans, if he cares. So it was fairly civil, nothing was said. But later the spouse is "dissappointed" in me, because I didn't welcome him in. 
As a man I know I'm going to handle things differently then she would, I will probably warm up to this kid sooner or later but he's going to have to show me something. I'm not going to kiss his butt just for the sake of whatever. The thing is I would have asked the important questions and said what needed to be said if I wasn't restrained by the "be nice" edict.
Help me: Did I screw up or is the spouse not trusting that I know what I"m doing as far as the guys relationship and how it should progress?


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## Mom#2Bliss (Jul 11, 2011)

Your spouse was probably scared you would create a scene.. Like my mother would be of my dad. However, as a female I'm more like my dad than my mom... and would have informed my spouse I would handle and direct the conversation. I would have explained to the boy, what your expectations are as your daughters, boyfriend, grandbaby's father, etc. I would have also explained as politically correct as possible, my concerns with his lifestyle and the effect they may have on my kid, and soon to be grandkid. 
Who cares if this POS is disappointed in your not welcoming him in... He is the one who should be stepping up and working on your approval. Good Luck with this one.


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