# how am i going to live my life with this hanging over my head



## marianne47 (Oct 18, 2011)

I have been married 24 and half years and with my husband 27,he had to move to america to try and make a new life for us a year after we got married ,at this stage i had 2 children,he came home for christmas and we had a lovely time as far as i can remember and then i went out to see him in march,what happened in them few weeks have devasted me,he came back home with me and a week or so i was itchy down below and checked myself and i had got crabs,well believe me i hadnt gone with anyone else!! i asked my husband how the hell did i get them?he said he thinks he got them from a toilet seat,im not stupid but i put it to the back of my mind!!i thought my husband that i had just married a year and half before that would never go off with another,he told me he loved me everyday .so once in a while i would get upset and ask him again and it was always i dont kno,finally 3 weeks ago ,only 3 weeks ago after all these years i got it out of him,he met a girl in a bar and he was drunk(no excuse)he went home with her and the rest is history,well i blew my lid!!he said he felt sorry the minuite he done it but lied to me because he dodnt want to lose me,i feel our marriage has been one BIG lie!!im devasted,i feel betrayed,decieved,and all because he had sex with a dirty ***** while i was at home minding his 2 kids,we have had 2 since.i want to leave but i cant because of the younger ones,i havent eaten and ive lost 14llbs,he is so sorry he keeps telling me ,he said it was 22 years ago but to me it could have been yesterday,,what will i do with my life im 47 now and i could have chosen to go down another path if he was brave enough to tell me then,


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## marianne47 (Oct 18, 2011)

just to add on to above,he never even thought of getting condoms,only for she had some in her drawer,god knos what else he could have given me,and its only now when i said it to him that he releasized it could have given me aids,that was 1989,HELLLO.is he stupid or what,he said he never cheated since and still lives with immense guilt!! SHE didnt rape him!!he knew what he was doing!!


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I'm going to take a different position here on this one. How has he behaved since that dumb decision 22 years ago? Has he done things over those many years to prove to you that he made that one dumb decision, and has since been faithful and true? What if it happened yesterday, would you expect him to do things to save your marriage, or would you just file for divorce right now? 

I'm not justifying what he did, and that he get a "pass" on what he did. You both need to talk at length, and perhaps consider marriage counseling as well. Consider everything in your decision.


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## marianne47 (Oct 18, 2011)

he has been a brilliant husband since and i kno i was in denial that my newlywed husband would do that to me.but it was the once continious lie that i cant deal with,im so sad and lonely and just feel that he didnt love me enough when we got married to keep it in his pants!!he said he didnt realize how much he loved me until he was unfaithful,i just feel that i cant look at him without seeing him when he was young and handsome and he had to go off and do that,and to bring me back something nasty,i kno it could have been worse but i dont think i can get over this that easy!!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

A boyfriend of mine gave me crabs, He told me he got them off a toilet set also... RIGHT. He also gave me chlymida(sp?) about a year before that. So happy i got rid of him when I did, there is no telling what else he would have given me if i hadn't

I think you should go to marriage counselling. Even though it happened 22 years ago.. You just now got the truth from him, so it might as well have been yesterday.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

If he won't own up to having given you crabs from a sexual infidelity than he is not being honest.

Not much room in that to repair a marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

He was obviously scared of losing you. That's no excuse for lying. I also wouldn't consider giving him a pass, but people make mistakes. It sounds like he has been a wonderful husband and father and that he does have a moral compass. Again I wont discount what he did, or compare it to what you are going through. But, I do believe that good people do make mistakes and carry a horrible guilt about it. I'm certain that it was difficult to live with himself knowing what he did and it sounds like he has spent a lifetime trying to make amends if only to himself. 

He did tell you the truth, he could have taken that secret to the grave and I would think after coping with that guilt for so many years it would have become easier for him to continue to carry or forget about. It wasn't and he didn't.... This is a horrible thing to find out, and I'm sure it stings like it was yesterday I'm sorry for your pain. I really think you should consider counseling, please do not let this fester. Give him a chance. I only know what you have said, but it sounds like you have a very good man that had a very bad night that he has been living with his mistake whole life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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