# Not sure what to do.



## ally102399 (Jun 23, 2010)

I'm not sure what to do anymore I've been married for 10 1/2 yrs, but together for 13 years. I'm 28 and he's 47 something's not right in our marriage, and I can't figure it out. I just don't feel like he loves me anymore he says he does, but I don't see that look in his eyes anymore. I don't feel the spark anymore when someone says his name, or if he looks at me. He can touch me but that doesn't even do it. We have good sex, but I just don't feel the spark at all.

I'm tried talking to him and that's like pulling out teeth. He has told me he felt the spark once with us, but that was it. Not sure if I should take that as a bad sign or not. Things changed once we got married the touching and everything stopped only when he wanted sex. Something, deep down, tells me he thinks he loved me and not really in love with me. We got along fine except for this it's almost like we're roommates with benefits at times. We have four children and I want to do. What's best for them? If I bring it up things will get better for a few weeks, but then it goes downhill again. I'm confused and not sure what to do.


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## fordgrl21 (Jun 21, 2010)

Well let me start off by saying I know what you are going through almost exactly, expect im not married. my boyfriend and I have been together for 7yrs and we have a son together. Not that long ago he had told me that the puppy love/ spark that we had is gone. He told me theres day were he loves me to death and just wants to hold me all day and theres those day where hes just blah and shows no emotion at all. When he first told me that I asked him to explain and he couldnt so I automatically took it as he wasnt in love with me anymore, and yes it hurts when you have to think that about a significant other. So as i started to think more and more into it instead of really being upset I though back when we had that spark and what we used to do back then, and tried to be more spontaneous with things again. That part of it started to work out its self out and we kinda got that spark back again. Maybe you could do something for you husband that you know back in the day before you got married that made him crazy about you? Or do little dates with just you two so you can have that time to your self again and be kids. My boyfriend and I try to go out once a week for "US" time so we can still have that young back in the day feeling again. Good luck and hope everything works out. And also men are very hard to read and have try to explain things so you just kind of have to take things in your own hands and see how that goes.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Pick something from this list. Start PUTTING the spark back by dating or finding new things to enjoy together. It's recommended that you spend 15 hours a week together doing such things. Marriage takes a lot of work. Line up a good babysitter for at least one night a month, where you can be adults together.

Read a book together
Take turns picking out a movie to watch
Bring out the board games, at least once a week
Start a solitaire club with some neighbors or friends, play solitaire against each other one night a week or month
Start gardening together
Grow herbs/vegetables/fruits
Take walks
Start a sport together; take classes at a community college, such as racquetball or volleyball
Get bikes and start riding bikes together
Sign up for an MS 150 and train for the bike ride all year
Plan some day trips, start taking one every month
Try out one new restaurant every week, take turns choosing and surprising the other with it
Go to bookstore and get a book like “52 great invitations to sex” in which you both have 26 invitations for a special evening to invite the other one, and you set it up, give the other the invitation (included in book) and then put on the evening
Join an online gaming community together (but don’t get addicted!)
Buy a Wii or Guitar Hero and play together
Give each other foot rubs
Take massage class together and practice giving each other massages
Go back to school together
Get a pet, take it to obedience school and learn to train it (if applicable)
Join a neighborhood dinner club or other club
Volunteer together
Join a church or get more involved in your church
Take a cooking class together and take turns cooking for each other
Go to HGTV.com and pick out a project to do for your house together
Take free classes at Home Depot on how to fix something at your house
Start a business together
Organize a block party
Organize a family reunion
Start working with a financial planner or learn about stocks together
Take dancing lessons together; if you like it, start entering in competitions
Go online for your city and look up 'activities' and 'family' and maybe even 'free' if your city is big enough; subscribe to those websites and go there every month to look for upcoming activities you can all do together; you can find plays, music events, art things, sports things, picnics, etc.


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## dsfg_lover_001 (Jul 4, 2010)

Well i understand how you feel.Maybe you and him just cant communicate and connect to each other.You should tell him that how you feel about him and everything.Maybe you just dont feel appreciated by him enough.Anyway thanks for sharing.


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