# Is my husband bi sexual



## cat1 (Dec 2, 2011)

So, my husband would rather have anal sex with me than vaginal, first sign, secound found many different condom sizes in he drawer, 3rd likes to watch porn almost everyday of the week at the dirty book store, which I know frequents gays, Help me I just need to know the truth!!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I'd say he's GAY, and not bi. 

Sorry.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Call me naive, but what does the different condom sizes have to do with it?

What kind of porn is he watching?


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

None of those signs indicate whether he's gay, straight or bi. 
Have you tried asking?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

cat1 said:


> So, my husband would rather have anal sex with me than vaginal, first sign,


I don't know if this means he is gay. My wife isn't into anal sex, but she seems to like me touching her there during oral and/or intercourse. I hope she doesn't think I am gay because I touch her there. If you really enjoy anal, then maybe he is doing it for you. If you are OK with anal, then maybe he does it because he prefers it. If you hate anal, then he isn't being very nice. None of these mean that he is 100% gay or bi sexual.



cat1 said:


> secound found many different condom sizes in he drawer,


I have no idea about this one. I didn't even know there was many different sizes. I only thought there was normal and large. I have some of both sizes as I was curious about the different sizes. (I find they both fit, I am thinking large is for quite large as all condoms are quite elastic). Just this in itself doesn't mean he is gay or bi sexual.




cat1 said:


> 3rd likes to watch porn almost everyday of the week at the dirty book store, which I know frequents gays,


This doesn't sound good. Sounds like he has an issue if he is watching that much porn. Again though, doesn't mean he is gay or bisexual. I am sure straight people also watch porn at the dirty book store.

I think you need more evidence. Like browser history showing he is checking out men or gay web sites.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

How does he feel about musical theatre and Judy Garland?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cat1 (Dec 2, 2011)

he does not use computer, I ment many different condom types when we do not use them,he said he was playing some pranks on co workers with the condoms, as for the book store I caught him last week and waited for him to come out, there was anthor guy there saying he sucks **** and has sex there, which is when I asked him if he was gay and he totally denies it!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

cat1 said:


> he does not use computer, I ment many different condom types when we do not use them,he said he was playing some pranks on co workers with the condoms, as for the book store I caught him last week and waited for him to come out, there was anthor guy there saying he sucks **** and has sex there, which is when I asked him if he was gay and he totally denies it!


I think there are more instances in your husbands behavior that you haven't mentioned here that would make you leap to him being gay. I think you already KNOW something but want it desperately to not be the case.

What else has been going on, if you don't mind me asking? do you no longer have vaginal sex or is it just once in a while? How bad is this porn addiction? What type of porn is it??


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> How does he feel about musical theatre and Judy Garland?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



was watching TV with a gay friend a few years back and we were watching some news program about religious groups trying to convert gay men into being straight and the camps they attend, etc. They interviewed some man who claimed he was gay and how the group changed him to stop sinning and now he is married and has three girls.

My friend then piped in and said, "I bet their names are Liza, Judy and Barbara!"


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## cat1 (Dec 2, 2011)

The only porn he has not watched is is men on men but enjoys group sex videos the most, I had surgury on my anus due to having kids and i am not allowed to have anal sex due to possible problems that can occur from it. he continues to try to have anal. Once in awaile i did enjoy anal sex but i can no longer do it, as per DR. he also likes to recieve anal, and said he would have sex with a man if I wanted him to, that was about 5 years ago.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

cat1 said:


> and said he would have sex with a man if I wanted him to, that was about 5 years ago.


gee, that might be some important info


I like group porn and I'm not gay but I have no desire to have sex with a man to please my wife


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

cat1 said:


> The only porn he has not watched is is men on men but enjoys group sex videos the most, I had surgury on my anus due to having kids and i am not allowed to have anal sex due to possible problems that can occur from it. he continues to try to have anal. Once in awaile i did enjoy anal sex but i can no longer do it, as per DR. he also likes to recieve anal, and said he would have sex with a man if I wanted him to, that was about 5 years ago.


It's not a good thing that he continually tries to do something that you can't do sexually. Shows a lack of respect for you as his spouse...not that he's gay or bi, but he's disrespectful to you and your condition.

And the sex with a man comment lends me to think he's gay. Not so much just the sex with a man statement, but how he's treated you sexually in general. The various condoms could be for other men since he likes receiving anal. He could very well be letting other men have sex with him at that place.

The bottom line is his behavior has you panicked and feeling uncomfortable. That should be communicated to him immediately.


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## cat1 (Dec 2, 2011)

I do not know what the hell is going on if he would just tell me the truth I could move on. with or with out him


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

cat1 said:


> I do not know what the hell is going on if he would just tell me the truth I could move on. with or with out him


You may never get him to admit anything. So then what will you do? All you have is what you've got right in front of you.


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## cat1 (Dec 2, 2011)

that the thing he won't talk about it, I was very calm when I asked him, he says he loves me with all his heart, then why can't he tell me the truth.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

because he knows you will leave him if he admits he's bi?

(which isn't a valid excuse btw)


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

cat1 said:


> that the thing he won't talk about it, I was very calm when I asked him, he says he loves me with all his heart, then why can't he tell me the truth.



Stop asking him and tell him what you see and how it makes you feel. Either he will hear you and make some changes or compromises, or he will continue to do what he's doing without any regard for your feelings.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Liking anal sex doesn't make you gay. For future reference.


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## cat1 (Dec 2, 2011)

But is it enough to leave, on signs when you do not have hard evidence, if he is gay or bi sexual thats fine, I just need to know so I can move on with my life, if he does not tell me truth I will hate him, we have 3 kids, If its going to end I do not want to hate him for it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Unsure in Seattle said:


> Liking anal sex doesn't make you gay. For future reference.


in fact not all gay men engage in anal sex or like it


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Unsure in Seattle said:


> Liking anal sex doesn't make you gay. For future reference.


Sure doesn't.

Liking anal sex from other men if you're a man?? Well that's debatable.


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## cat1 (Dec 2, 2011)

The part that is killing me is that he is sneeking around I don't know for sure if I would leave him, its that I do not know who or what he is messing around with and it scares me, is he using protection all the time?


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## cat1 (Dec 2, 2011)

I know liking anal does not mean your gay, it is the other circumstances also


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well if you suspect he is with other men (or women) then get a STD test for starters

secondly, you need to start spying on him to verify your suspicions

try putting a VAR in his car (voice activated recorder) and a GPS, also a keylogger for teh computer


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Desire for anal sex is not the red flag. If he said he would have sex with a man then that's all you need to know. A completely straight man would never say something like that. Ever. Also the video arcade porn stores are full of weird guys who like to watch other men masturbate. Ask him if you can go with him and see what happens.


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## cat1 (Dec 2, 2011)

I think I will see if i can go with him, maybe I will get some answers. I just do not want to be groped by all the men. AWWW


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I think the big thing is he told you he would be willing to have sex with a man. This makes him at the very least bi-sexual.

I agree with doing some spying and a VAR in the car. Enough red flags for you to believe he is having an affair (probably with a man). Get evidence that you can confront him with.

Condoms - count them and check them periodically (spying)
Anal Sex - make sure he is aware of your medical condition, do not tolerate him forcing himself on you in that way


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## cat1 (Dec 2, 2011)

thanks for all your help, anymore Ideas let me know, thanks again!!


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Your husband at the very least is being unfaithful to you by having sex with other men at the porn shop. The fact that he's got condoms tells me he's having sex somewhere with someone.

He may have a sexual addiction and is acting out with men (something some straight men do when they are sex addicts....doing riskier and riskier things with all sorts of people). 

You have a right to be concerned. I would start to spy on him in secret. Pretend that nothing is wrong. I would try to get into his email accounts and also use a VAR. If you can follow him one day in secret, I would do that, too. You may also have a friend go to the sex shop where he frequents to see what he is up to.

Once you have more "dirt" on him, I would demand that he have an honest conversation with you. If he is gay, you need to decide what you want to do. If he is bi or straight, he's still been cheating and this needs to be addressed.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

And if all that doesn't work, strap him to a poly. He's gay for sure. There's no such thing as a bi-male. Gay is gay. If you like penis....

And gay men WILL get their fill, pun intended. The male sex drive is strong and there is no female to say no. I'll bet he's had a lot of sex partners. I can just about guarantee you there has been sex in that bookstore each and EVERY time he walked in.

How interesting that we look at gay infidelity differently. What if he was frequenting massage parlors and requesting women in bed with you? You not only have infidelity here, but a lot of it. Add to that lying about his sexuality when he married you...

Get ready to walk. I hate to say it, but this is as bad as it gets.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

SadSamIAm said:


> I have no idea about this one. I didn't even know there was many different sizes. I only thought there was normal and large. I have some of both sizes as I was curious about the different sizes. (I find they both fit, I am thinking large is for quite large as all condoms are quite elastic). Just this in itself doesn't mean he is gay or bi sexual.
> .


I've never compared "regular" and "large" sizes before to see if there's any difference, but for many years, I've had a theory that the "large" size is, as much as anything else, a placebo.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

MrK said:


> And if all that doesn't work, strap him to a poly. He's gay for sure. There's no such thing as a bi-male. Gay is gay. If you like penis....


So it's your contention that there is absolutely no man who is aroused by and attracted to both women and men?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

Gay vs. Straight is so overblown...in sexologist Kensey's studies (possibly the most extensive study ever on sexual behavior), it was found that only 15% of the population was truly "straight", only 15% of the population was truly "gay" and that the rest of the 70% was bisexual to some degree or another.

Whether or not a person can admit to it is another thing.

Personally, although I've had a few di*ks in my mouth, I am not at all attracted to men on an emotional level and would never consider anything beyond a sexual encounter with a man. Moreover, the only times, other than as a 16 year old, that I even had sexual encounters with other men was with my wife part of the mix. But one on one sex with another man...nooooo. Anal sex of any kind...noooooo. Lying back and enjoying a good BJ, whether from a woman or a hot guy....sure, why not?!


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

MrK said:


> And if all that doesn't work, strap him to a poly. He's gay for sure. There's no such thing as a bi-male. Gay is gay. If you like penis....


And IGNORANT is IGNORANT. Of course there is such a thing as bisexuality.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

CalifGuy said:


> And IGNORANT is IGNORANT. Of course there is such a thing as bisexuality.


You must be a Democrat. You're RIGHT, damn it! And only an idiot would disagree. 

It's not so simple, and you KNOW it. MANY Gay men will marry a woman to hide their sexuality then go NUTs (pun intended again) at the bookstore glory holes. Oh, and if they're found out? They're not gay, they're "Bisexual".

Ok, here's where I'm a bit ignorant: If you like hard penis in your mouth, you're gay. Period. I don't care if you'll do wet vagina if that's all that's available, you're still gay and prefer men over women.

And if you're lying to your spouse about it, does it really matter anyhow?


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

MrK said:


> You must be a Democrat. You're RIGHT, damn it! And only an idiot would disagree.
> 
> It's not so simple, and you KNOW it. MANY Gay men will marry a woman to hide their sexuality then go NUTs (pun intended again) at the bookstore glory holes. Oh, and if they're found out? They're not gay, they're "Bisexual".
> 
> ...


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

MrK said:


> It's not so simple, and you KNOW it. MANY Gay men will marry a woman to hide their sexuality then go NUTs (pun intended again) at the bookstore glory holes. Oh, and if they're found out? They're not gay, they're "Bisexual".
> 
> Ok, here's where I'm a bit ignorant: If you like hard penis in your mouth, you're gay. Period. I don't care if you'll do wet vagina if that's all that's available, you're still gay and prefer men over women.


Indeed, it's NOT so simple, and YOU know it.

Undoubtedly, the scenario you describe most certainly exists.

At the same time, there are men who are attracted to both sexes. It's not a matter of having sex with a woman "if that's all that's available." It's a matter of finding both genders attractive and appealing. Some bi men find one gender somewhat more attractive than the other, while some find them equally attractive. I, too, find that the Kinsey scale is more accurately reflective of the broad spectrum of human sexuality than just those three labels of "heterosexual," "bisexual" and "homosexual." 



> And if you're lying to your spouse about it, does it really matter anyhow?


This, while being a whole 'nother kettle of fish, I can agree with for the most part.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CalifGuy (Nov 2, 2011)

MrK said:


> You must be a Democrat. You're RIGHT, damn it! And only an idiot would disagree.
> 
> It's not so simple, and you KNOW it. MANY Gay men will marry a woman to hide their sexuality then go NUTs (pun intended again) at the bookstore glory holes. Oh, and if they're found out? They're not gay, they're "Bisexual".
> 
> ...


Again, your ignorance is shining brightly. 

Personally, I like to think of myself as about 98% straight and very rarely does a guy catch my eye, but a woman does not have to be Angelina Jolie to catch my eye.

I have been with a couple hundred different women sexually, while most of the sexual encounters I have had with other men, have happened with my wife present in the middle of all the fun (maybe about 5 times, total). Some of those times, the other man's wife or girlfriend was present while a couple times it was just a threesome with another guy. 

Never, in the above situations, was there any anal involved, and not sure I even kissed a guy in any of the above situations, but, yes, I LOVED getting blown by the guy and even enjoyed blowing the guys, although not to completion. For me, it is about the freedom to live without labels and if a guy is hot, then why not.

While a woman for me to consider may only have to be about a 7, a guy has to be a 9 or a 10, and only if my wife is in on the fun, which hasn't happened in a couple years but which I am not opposed to in the future. We have played with individual men, individual women and couples but, again, not for a couple years.

Does my wife consider herself bisexual because she has been with women? No, not really. Although, in your limited worldview, she would have to be a lesbian, applying your same logic that any man who has been with another man is gay.

To me, that is comical and denies the fact a man or woman's primary interest may remain in the opposite sex and they merely enjoy having occasional fun with a member of the same sex. Whether or not the hubby of the OP is more gay than straight, who knows. But, I am addressing the ignorance of your own post rather than the subject of the the OP.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cat1 said:


> that the thing he won't talk about it, I was very calm when I asked him, he says he loves me with all his heart, then why can't he tell me the truth.


Maybe because he knows he will lose you if he tells you the truth?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> I think the big thing is he told you he would be willing to have sex with a man. This makes him at the very least bi-sexual.
> 
> I agree with doing some spying and a VAR in the car. Enough red flags for you to believe he is having an affair (probably with a man). Get evidence that you can confront him with.
> 
> ...


I agree with the counting the condoms thing. My ex had many affairs. Counting condoms was one of the first that made it clear he was cheating and I was not nuts. I not only counted them but marked them. The mark was just a small dot with a permanent marker. Nothing that was really easy for him to notice. That way, when he replaced them I would know if the condom was one I had already counted.

I also searched his car. Took his car keys when he was asleep and had a copy made. Then when he was in the shower or asleep I would search his car. I found condoms hidden in the trunk where the jack it kept and in the spare tire compartment. There were some in his glove box as well. I counted/marked all of them. They were being used/replaced on a regular basis.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Maybe because he knows he will lose you if he tells you the truth?


:iagree:

Regardless what some people would like to think bisexuality exists. If your husband is in fact bi, he will be worried that you will stereotype him and divorce him. Just because he might be attracted to guys doesnt mean he cant love and be devoted to you. Heck, straight men are attracted to women, and are able to be devoted to one woman.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cat1 said:


> The part that is killing me is that he is sneeking around I don't know for sure if I would leave him, its that I do not know who or what he is messing around with and it scares me, is he using protection all the time?


Cat, does you husband use condoms when he has sex with you?

Being bi-sexual or gay does not give a man the right to cheat on their spouse.

At this point I think it wise to assume he is having sex with men at the shop. This most likely means that he is having sex with many men.. whoever is there at the time. It's a very risky sexual behavior. 

Would you really stay with him while he is having sex with random guys at a sex shop? Really?


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

CalifGuy said:


> Again, your ignorance is shining brightly.


CalifGuy: Im trying to think of something funny and clever to say. I want to call you ignorant for trying to talk sence to someone who only deals in nonsence. It would have been funny. Heck, you'd still be laughing your ass off.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Would you really stay with him while he is having sex with random guys at a sex shop? Really?


I hear time and time again that EA's are worse than PA's. Its due to the meaning behind the affair. Getting your rocks off with someone else is less harmful than giving your emotional self to another.

I think being bi, and seeing how certain people act towards them will fill the husband with incredible shame and guilt. He could very well feel like a bag of ****, just because of how he was born, and because of what a bunch of jerk-offs say about "those types" on TV.

These feelings could lead him down a dark path where he thinks poorly of himself and puts himself in dangerous situations.

Im not saying cheating is ok, but the meaning behind this mans possible cheating is very muddled. Even if he happens to be a cheater, I wouldnt judge him for it, as I see far too much possibility that it is due to his environment and cultural upbringing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> I hear time and time again that EA's are worse than PA's. Its due to the meaning behind the affair. Getting your rocks off with someone else is less harmful than giving your emotional self to another.
> 
> I think being bi, and seeing how certain people act towards them will fill the husband with incredible shame and guilt. He could very well feel like a bag of ****, just because of how he was born, and because of what a bunch of jerk-offs say about "those types" on TV.
> 
> ...


I am not making any judgements based on sexual orientation.

Having sex with random guys (or women), many of them, is the quickest way to get AIDS. Typically men who go to those shops and have sex with whomever is there at the time are having sex with other men who have exposed themselves to a lot of STDs. It's a fact.

Are you suggesting that Cat should have more sympathy for her husband's cheating because he might be bi or homosexual? It's not an excuse at all. The man cheating, he is endangering his and his wife's health.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

SockPuppet said:


> Even if he happens to be a cheater, I wouldnt judge him for it, as I see far too much possibility that it is due to his environment and cultural upbringing.


That's the problem here with our responses. We're worried about labels. OK. He's Bi. You win. (Even though I'm not really sure at all what that above post is supposed to mean. Because society thinks his behavior is wrong she needs to put up with it so he can feel better about himself?)

1 - He lied to her about liking to cuddle naked men before he married her.

2 - He married her fully intending to have a lot of casual sex with other men through bookstore glory holes. 

3 - He's going out at night having a lot of casual sex with other people behind his wife's back. 

You guys did good. You sold an ignorant moron (me) on the correct label to use with this guy. Now what does she do?

She leaves him. BISEXUAL men who REALLY like casual sex with other BISEXUAL or maybe even gay men (I'm not sure what any of it means right now), is going to continue to partake in this behavior. OP, can you live with that?


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

MrK said:


> That's the problem here with our responses. We're worried about labels. OK. He's Bi. You win. (Even though I'm not really sure at all what that above post is supposed to mean. Because society thinks his behavior is wrong she needs to put up with it so he can feel better about himself?)
> 
> 1 - He lied to her about liking to cuddle naked men before he married her.
> 
> ...



I agree with your #'s 1-3 points. That really is the issue in all of this, and he needs to be honest with his wife at this point. 

But then again, I'm a Democrat, so you probably don't want me to agree with you. 

In regards to the labels, I'll leave that to the rest of you to debate. The major issue here is the husband not giving the wife the full story.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Soccerfan73 said:


> I agree with your #'s 1-3 points. That really is the issue in all of this, and he needs to be honest with his wife at this point.
> 
> But then again, I'm a Democrat, so you probably don't want me to agree with you.
> 
> In regards to the labels, I'll leave that to the rest of you to debate. The major issue here is the husband not giving the wife the full story.


I'm with you on the labels; they are not useful, especially in this situation. And I’m a Republican… so there 

I would say that there are more than one major issue. 1) the dishonesty on his part 2) the infidelity and 3) very risky behavior.


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