# How would you feel?



## SeekingEcstasy (Jun 20, 2014)

I may post more than one example.

Example 1: 3 months married my wife says, "The biggest mistake I ever made was divorcing my first husband." Similiar statements weremade twice more in the first two years. Never anything like, "But that lead me to you." Never anything like being glad we were together connected to those statements. Three other times I created chances for her to say something like that. Never happened.

How would you feel?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Slighted and insecure in what our marriage meant.

My mother said to me in 2 different times ..." I need a new family".

Well, I haven't spoken to her in 6 months...so I hope she's having some luck with that.

Words hurt. Your wife is cruel.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I would start thinking about D. That is over the top rude, insenstitive and probably telling.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

SeekingEcstasy said:


> I may post more than one example.
> 
> Example 1: 3 months married my wife says, "The biggest mistake I ever made was divorcing my first husband." Similiar statements weremade twice more in the first two years. Never anything like, "But that lead me to you." Never anything like being glad we were together connected to those statements. Three other times I created chances for her to say something like that. Never happened.
> 
> How would you feel?


Wow. How the heck are you supposed to get that out of your head... That would be deflating.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Lack of communication here.

When she makes these "statements", what is the context, ie, after a fight? Then after the statement is made, what do YOU do beside trying to "create chances for her to say something"?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'd feel like divorcing her so I could find someone who thought I was an improvement over the ex!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I hope this is a rhetorical question.

Because, really.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

She was either trying to hurt you or is lacking in the empathy department. Either one is a bad sign.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

SeekingEcstasy said:


> 3 months married my wife says, "The biggest mistake I ever made was divorcing my first husband."


And my response would have been: "I'm beginning to agree with you". 

I'm sorry. Those are words you just can't back into the bottle. 

Your wife lacks empathy, sensitivity and tact. I'd be very hurt if the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with wished they were still spending theirs with someone else.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

"The biggest mistake I ever made was divorcing my first husband."

....and not shooting him instead? 

so is she still in contact with her ex? does she othewise speak favorably about him? or is she just trying to jab you for something else?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Emerald said:


> Lack of communication here.
> 
> When she makes these "statements", what is the context, ie, after a fight? Then after the statement is made, what do YOU do beside trying to "create chances for her to say something"?


I have to put comments like that into the "context is irrelevant" category.

It's like calling your kids stupid or your wife fat.

There's NEVER a moment or situation where you can absolve those type of statements and should never be made.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

SeekingEcstasy said:


> 3 months married my wife says, "The biggest mistake I ever made was divorcing my first husband." Similiar statements weremade twice more in the first two years.


 I would tell her that "knowing how you still feel about your first husband and thus me by comparison, I now feel that the biggest mistake I ever made was marrying you." 

You need to think about staying married to someone that tells you to your face that she wishes that she were married to someone else. Do not have children with this woman.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

I would feel that I was just second best, a rebound, someone that they settled for. That if given the chance, they would choose the ex over me.


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## SeekingEcstasy (Jun 20, 2014)

Thanks guys and girls. Some answers. The discussions were not arguments, just normal discussions. The worst thing she ever said about husband 1 was, "There obviously were problems but I should have worked them out." Husband 2 was abusive so I hear a good bit about that. But I only hear what she wants to say. If I ask questions, it's none of my business.

This is also a relationship that went from intimate on fire (15 to 25 times a week and wild) to blah (2 or 3 per month and simple swaping pleasure) between the marriage and the second annivary, to dead stop by the third. Threat of divorce improved that to 2nd year level.

There is more but I want to think.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Hmm, my response if my hb said that to me would be "well pack your sh!t and go stay with her". Then I'd file for divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

I have a better one:

"I wish you where gay"

(...so we could live together and be friends and you still pay for everything)


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ScrambledEggs said:


> I have a better one:
> 
> "I wish you where gay"
> 
> (...so we could live together and be friends and you still pay for everything)



Wow, i'm speechless! And that's not an easy thing to accomplish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tmj4477 (May 3, 2014)

I would feel like I was a third place trophy


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## naminagupta (Jun 20, 2014)

I'd feel like poo....

You have every right to be offended IMO.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

SeekingEcstasy said:


> I may post more than one example.
> 
> Example 1: 3 months married my wife says, "The biggest mistake I ever made was divorcing my first husband."
> 
> How would you feel?


 I would tell her, "well lets correct that mistake" then go get her coat and purse, hand them to her, open the door and tell her to go work it out with him.

I would also let her know that maybe she should call him first because no doubt, he doesn't feel the same, then close the door and let her go "work it out".


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

SeekingEcstasy said:


> I may post more than one example.
> 
> Example 1: 3 months married my wife says, "The biggest mistake I ever made was divorcing my first husband." Similiar statements weremade twice more in the first two years. Never anything like, "But that lead me to you." Never anything like being glad we were together connected to those statements. Three other times I created chances for her to say something like that. Never happened.
> 
> How would you feel?


I would feel like "damn I married too soon. Won't do that again"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SeekingEcstasy said:


> I may post more than one example.
> 
> Example 1: 3 months married my wife says, "The biggest mistake I ever made was divorcing my first husband." Similiar statements weremade twice more in the first two years. Never anything like, "But that lead me to you." Never anything like being glad we were together connected to those statements. Three other times I created chances for her to say something like that. Never happened.
> 
> How would you feel?




I'd ask her what she meant first. That's just in case her thought was that she should have just hired a hit man.

If on the other man she lamented leaving because life was better with him or she still is in love with him.. I'd tell her to leave and file for divorce.

Did you ask her to explain?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'd be very hurt by the comments and in no way would I just simmer with them...and try to stuff... but call her out on them..

To see where her heart is really at...I do wonder what faltered in your relationship to go from up to 25 times a week sex to sexless in just a few yrs.....what emotional needs have slipped through the cracks, what do you fight about... or stuff about?.... as this is causing her to regret what she has lost...she is comparing marriages.. 

If these exchanges were spoken in the heat of a fight...this would almost be more understandable.. especially if she realizes that hurt, seared you, then wants to make up for it.. but without this happening... it's left hanging in the air... it's very hurtful...


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Retort: The biggest mistake I ever made was marrying you.


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

There's a reason you're husband number 3..she's a terrible wife.


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## SeekingEcstasy (Jun 20, 2014)

During marriage counciling during my first divorce the therapist, a woman, told me, in front of my then wife, that I could get along with anyone because I try so hard and put up with so much. I guess I'll never get over that. 

The intimate life went south because I got to the point that I couldn't finish. Some recent reading I've done offers the possible reason that subconciously it was something I couldn't give to her, like she didn't deserve it. It made her less interested which was a bit of a relief. When I said I was thinking of divorce because I wasn't ready for my sexlife to end, it started a project for her. I was able to restart things by thinking about sensations only. But intimacy never returned, at least for me.

She talks about the importance of a relationship where we can care for each other through failing health. I think that is all it is now. Unfortunately, she may soon feel that marrying me was her worse mistake when she is old and divorced.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

SeekingEcstasy said:


> Thanks guys and girls. Some answers. The discussions were not arguments, just normal discussions. The worst thing she ever said about husband 1 was, "There obviously were problems but I should have worked them out." Husband 2 was abusive so I hear a good bit about that. But I only hear what she wants to say. If I ask questions, it's none of my business.
> 
> This is also a relationship that went from intimate on fire (15 to 25 times a week and wild) to blah (2 or 3 per month and simple swaping pleasure) between the marriage and the second annivary, to dead stop by the third. Threat of divorce improved that to 2nd year level.
> 
> There is more but I want to think.


Sounds like you're plan C.

Sorry bro. I'd be crushed by those words too.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

SeekingEcstasy said:


> During marriage counciling during my first divorce the therapist, a woman, told me, in front of my then wife, that I could get along with anyone because I try so hard and put up with so much. I guess I'll never get over that.
> 
> The intimate life went south because I got to the point that I couldn't finish. Some recent reading I've done offers the possible reason that subconciously it was something I couldn't give to her, like she didn't deserve it. It made her less interested which was a bit of a relief. When I said I was thinking of divorce because I wasn't ready for my sexlife to end, it started a project for her. I was able to restart things by thinking about sensations only. But intimacy never returned, at least for me.
> 
> She talks about the importance of a relationship where we can care for each other through failing health. I think that is all it is now. Unfortunately, she may soon feel that marrying me was her worse mistake when she is old and divorced.


This post is both incredibly sad, and incredibly hopeful at the same time. Good luck!


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

SeekingEcstasy said:


> ...
> She talks about the importance of a relationship where we can care for each other through failing health. I think that is all it is now. ....


Is that enough for you?

Do you want more than that out of your married life?

That wouldn't be enough for me. You gotta decide.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I think that your wife and my wife must be related. They know how to say the most awful things. I caught my wife on the phone to her friends saying that our marriage was a mistake...but maybe she was right, I wasn't happy either and I wish that I would have divorced her early on when we were broke.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

SeekingEcstasy said:


> I may post more than one example.
> 
> Example 1: 3 months married my wife says, "The biggest mistake I ever made was divorcing my first husband." Similiar statements weremade twice more in the first two years. Never anything like, "But that lead me to you." Never anything like being glad we were together connected to those statements. Three other times I created chances for her to say something like that. Never happened.
> 
> How would you feel?





jb02157 said:


> I think that your wife and my wife must be related. They know how to say the most awful things. I caught my wife on the phone to her friends saying that our marriage was a mistake...but maybe she was right, I wasn't happy either and I wish that I would have divorced her early on when we were broke.



Sorry to hear this guys.

I know if my wife ever said anything like that I would be out the door in less than a min. Why be disrespected like that?

People treat you how you let them treat you, so why let them do it?


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