# Dreams of my wife



## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Every night I dream of her. Shes home and Im happy.

It makes for a terrible morning. No matter how much I convince myself im going to be fine. The dreams make it worse. 

It makes it very hard to get through the day. I end up driving to work thinking about her.

One of my dreams felt so real I was almost convinced that her leaving was the dream.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Every night I dream of her. Shes home and Im happy.
> 
> It makes for a terrible morning. No matter how much I convince myself im going to be fine. The dreams make it worse.
> 
> ...


You are grieving, very common!! DUDE


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## survive_to_die (Oct 21, 2015)

I also have dreams of my wife. Usually they involve events that leave me more anxiety ridden when I wake up. Regardless, I still think about her every morning on the way to work, while at work, driving home from work and right up until I fall asleep. Then the next day is more of the same.

I try to remember that instead of this being a bad experience and something that signals something negative inside of me, these constant thoughts are the mourning of something I destroyed that I can't recreate. In actuality, I wouldn't want to recreate all of these daydreams (so to speak). Rather, I desperately hope for the chance to create new moments of happiness with my wife.

Just think of how many times in your life that you experienced something very happy, filled with joy. These events aren't sequential, meaning they are surrounded by bad times and times filled with struggle and hurt and despair. Right now we've forgotten the struggles, the despair, the hurt and it seems like we have lost a HUGE chunk of joy. I refuse to give up hope and have instead dedicated myself to focusing on my wife's needs and her desires. When we find ourselves focused on all the happiness we've experienced with our wives, we are overlooking periods of time, long and short, where she wasn't happy. Periods of time where we should have been better men than we were.

I'm trying to switch my focus to being a better man now. For myself and to be whatever support and help to my wife I can. I hope one day this creates more attraction and bonding between us, but that can't be the goal. It's what we both need and deserve right NOW, in this exact moment.

I started reading this book last night and it has helped restructure my thinking. The best way to rebuild a connection and regain attraction from your spouse is to learn to be agreeable with their wants and needs. Find out what it is they are really searching for and try to be that.

Hopefully you still have some contact with your wife. I don't know the circumstances, but if you're not in contact, perhaps really thinking about what led to this point in your relationship and reaching out to her on her terms and with a heart of agreement might spark just enough to allow a tendril of re-connection to happen.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Every night I dream of her. Shes home and Im happy.
> 
> It makes for a terrible morning. No matter how much I convince myself im going to be fine. The dreams make it worse.
> 
> ...


Are you separated from your wife?


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

She is moved out. We are divorcing.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> She is moved out. We are divorcing.


Those dreams, triggers, etc are there to SCARE THE HELL OUT OF YOU so that you are much more cautious in your next relationship. They are also breaking the bond so you can detach and be whole again with someone else down the road, rather than being hung up on your ex. Make sense? DUDE


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

Yeah I guess but it sure does suck. I dont know how to turn off loving her.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Yeah I guess but it sure does suck. I dont know how to turn off loving her.


The "sucks" part is turning it off naturally over time. Indifference my friend is where you are headed but there is no magic pill. The grieving is the cost of being able to love. DUDE


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## NoMoreTears4me (Oct 21, 2015)

The big question is does it leave a mark on her? Will she have regrets? What she is doing cant be undone.

The scars on our kids will last a lifetime.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Nah there will be no scars and you won't give a rats ass about her marks. You have a dream girl awaiting you. Can you begin to imagine her? Short hair? Athletic? A real smart ass that turns you on? Start dreaming of her. Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Those dreams fade with time. I remember after my ex left and I had a particularly sad "everything is ok again" dream... only to be awakened by the baby crying and realizing I was the only one here to take care of him and his two siblings. That was tough. I got through it. You will, too. You have no choice.


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