# I’m the worst



## FasterEddy (Jun 20, 2019)

I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and recently found ourselves in the others arms. I don’t want to confide in my wife but need to decide what to do about it. 
Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice. 


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Not surprised.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

FasterEddy said:


> I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and recently found ourselves in the others arms. I don’t want to confide in my wife but need to decide what to do about it.
> Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Start by being honest with yourself, then move on to being honest with your wife and with us.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You ****ed up. Now the question is: do you want to stay with your wife:


Yes: don't do it again ever. You owe her complete forgiveness if she does the same. 

No: Tell her you want a divorce. 


Not sure: Well decide 









FasterEddy said:


> I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and recently found ourselves in the others arms. I don’t want to confide in my wife but need to decide what to do about it.
> Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

June 2019: "Unfortunately, right now, I’m more attracted to the receptionist who winks at me than the mother who blows me.
...and maybe it’s all related because she has a job but it’s all I can think of despite our son being taught all beautiful values our family is built on and not the nanny’s values."


Let's see, you have been dating a co-worker for a while, telling her all your complaints about home. Is she married too? Sounds like it.

The affair went from an EA to a PA. Of course you don't want to confide in your wife, you confide in your AP.

You knew where you were headed. What kind of sage advice are you looking for? You did not follow the sage advice from TAM in 2-2020.

My advice is to find some integrity to go along with the beautiful values your wife is teaching your son.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

sunsetmist said:


> June 2019: "Unfortunately, right now, I’m more attracted to the receptionist who winks at me than the mother who blows me.


Him describing his wife in such ignoble and vile terms gives us insight into his character. FasterEddie, you're like an unemployed teacher; no class.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Yes, you are.
Tell your wife now.
Set her free.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

FasterEddy said:


> I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and recently found ourselves in the others arms. I don’t want to confide in my wife but need to decide what to do about it.
> Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Why do you come here? You don't listen to a thing anyone says. You are making horrible, mean decisions and you are doing it willfully. What do you want from us? 

Of course you need to tell your wife and while you're at it, give her this web address so we can help her extricate herself from your lying, cheating ass.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Fix yourself, faster, Eddie.


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

Don't act like you didn't see this coming. You are an adult, you knew what was brewing and you let it happen anyway. My sage advice? Tell your wife and set her free. She sounds lovely, I'm sure a better man would love the opportunity to make her happy again.




FasterEddy said:


> I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and recently found ourselves in the others arms. I don’t want to confide in my wife but need to decide what to do about it.
> Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Well, it appears the A bomb is poised to drop. Your W deserves better. Advise? Tell you W. Divorce amicably. Good luck Eddy.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Saibasu said:


> Don't act like you didn't see this coming. You are an adult, you knew what was brewing and you let it happen anyway. My sage advice? Tell your wife and set her free. She sounds lovely, I'm sure a better man would love the opportunity to make her happy again.


:iagree:

As a student of life, friends, coworkers, etc. I have seen a lot. Most people who cheat "tempt" themselves saying that "nothing will happen." They either appear to enjoy the emotional rush of the temptation and feelings that "nothing happened" until one fateful day that they discover they are weaker than they thought.

After that, they start to convince themselves they are actually under control while they unconsciously sabotage their marriage until their affair is obvious to all around them including their spouse. At that point their spouse triggers the divorce they have been working to implement all along.

Yes, you fix yourself. You can either tell your wife and beg her forgiveness or you can take your secret to your grave and pray each night that she never finds out. Either way your actions will have huge emotional consequences.

Good luck. You might talk to an IC or to a priest/minister to help you sort some things out in your own mind.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Young at Heart said:


> :iagree:
> 
> As a student of life, friends, coworkers, etc. I have seen a lot. Most people who cheat "tempt" themselves saying that "nothing will happen." They either appear to enjoy the emotional rush of the temptation and feelings that "nothing happened" until one fateful day that they discover they are weaker than they thought.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Pretty much what happened with me. I was actually moments away from having sex (unprotected at that) with my Emotional Affair partner when I realised what I was doing and stopped.

Stupid drunken revenge affair, between two psychologically damaged lushes. Unbelievable how dumb apparently intelligent people can be.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

Fast eddy: yes, you're no good. Tell your W that you've found someone else and it's over. 
Your W at least deserves the truth. She definitely doesn't deserve someone like you.


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

I look upon my fellow man as my brother.
Till they prove they're not.


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

Be honest with yourself, get tested for STDs/STIs, figure out through IC what you want to do move on or stay in your marriage. 
Be honest with your wife regardless. She also needs to be tested etc. If the OW is a co worker, stand by to loose your employment.
Sorry
Buffer


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## Music_Man (Feb 25, 2017)

Like others, I'm wondering what you are looking for here? You're like a teenager who has been told over and over and over that drugs are bad and that there will be serious consequences for taking them, but you snort the coke anyway, crash your parents car, and wind up in jail. 

You screwed up- seriously. You can't undo it- ever. What you can do is work on yourself. Get counseling ASAP. Be 100% honest with yourself about who you are and what you've done. 

Above all, be 100% honest (which looks like uncharted territory for you) with your W. She deserves to know the full, unaltered truth. 

Work on yourself pal, work on yourself.


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## FasterEddy (Jun 20, 2019)

I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up. Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise? 


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

I would argue it's VERY WRONG because YOU'RE MARRIED. But that doesn't seem to concern you, or even stop you from putting yourself in dangerous situations. 


And I can already tell you won't tell your wife. You're too selfish. 

So here is the bigger problem you're going to have: 

That women you were with? 
Does she want more? Will she want more? If she does, she might want you to get divorced. Or, maybe she'll force it by calling your wife or sabotaging your marriage to get a divorce. Or maybe, one day after you realize how stupid you've been acting, you'll break it up with her. Or maybe you'll see that she's crazy, or realize that you can't stand her, anything is possible. She might be vengeful, call your wife, and tell her everything. There's an awful lot that can go wrong here. 

And another issue: you live in the information age. 
Maybe your wife checks your facebook one day and catches this. Or you leave your work email up, and she does. 
Or, and this is something I doubt you considered, HR! Companies don't like this. It leaves them open to lawsuits. Maybe HR does a random email search for documentation and stumbles across this? Or maybe some executive in your company gets in trouble, so HR has to start reading a bunch of emails. And they might stumble across yours and realize what is going on. Or maybe someone hears a bit of office gossip and it gets to HR? Maybe a coworker has been the BS in their marriage, hears about what you're doing, and reports you. Or maybe a coworker and you are battling for a promotion. That coworker might fight dirty, discover this secret, and report you. There's an awful lot that can go wrong. 

Do you see what I'm getting at? 
You're probably going to try and hide this. 
Problem is, you can't.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

FasterEddy said:


> I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up. Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I would recommend you offer for her to do the same thing you are doing. She can have a man to have sex with that she can love in addition to you. It shouldn’t bother you, since you are so wise and open minded about love.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Oh I'm sorry, you asked for Sage advice, not back-handed advice. 

First thing is realize that even if you think you can love multiple people, (which I'd argue you can't because if you loved your wife, you'd know this is going to hurt her, but that's another conversation) your wife didn't marry you so you could love her and whoever else happens to come along. Just like I imagine if your wife could love multiple people at once, you didn't marry her for her to love you and anyone else that she might fancy. 
So, I'd confess that affair. Because it will be better coming from you than someone else. 

Second piece of advice, since this was a coworker affair (if my memory is right), you're probably going to get fired. Maybe you'll be allowed to resign if you're highly placed in a company, but yea, you're in trouble at work. So I'd suggest working on that resume, and sending it out. Because you'll be needing a new job. 
And this will help show your wife that maybe you are trying to actually help the marriage, and not look out for your own interest. Then once you stop acting like a teenage boy wanting to boink everything you see, you'll realize this was a good move and how stupid you were to do this. 

Last piece of advice...you better start a budget, and cook, and start saving. Because if your wife decides to divorce, and since you'll be losing your job, you'll be paying her attorney fees, your attorney fees, plus the other bills, like the mortgage, I assume you want to keep the health insurance, the auto insurance, car payments...

And just think! You could have avoided all this if you had listened to the forum the first time! Don't feel bad though, I wasn't very good at listening when I came here either.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

FasterEddy said:


> I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up. Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Gross. It's gross because she doesn't know what you are doing and hasn't made the decision to stay in this situation knowing what's going on.

You are a horrible person if you don't tell her what you have been up to.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FasterEddy said:


> I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up. Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?


Anyone can love more than one person at a time. Nothing special there. What's special is having enough character to not lie and cheat.

You have made a choice here. So why don't you give your wife the chance to make her own choices in life? Let her decide what she wants from a husband. Who knows, she might decide to start dating too. Why not? Or she might chose to divorce and then date and find someone else.

Shouldn't she have the right to choose what she wants in her life? She needs the full truth so she can live her own life.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

FasterEddy said:


> I agree with all of you.


That's really interesting. Everyone is saying you have the capacity to decide your own actions. You believe the opposite. But you think you agree?



> Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop


You can stop. You just have to stop telling yourself this nonsense.



> but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?


Of course you can love multiple people simultaneously. Many people have that experience, probably a majority. It's not special or unusual, it's the norm. You don't have to *act* on it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

When will you be introducing the girlfriend to the Missus? Your wife has a right to know what type of person has been housing that lollipop she blows.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

FasterEddy said:


> I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up. Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You are not special, it's called 'cake eating' meaning some people are opportunistically selfish and only think about what is good for them, meeting their own needs etc. Be a man, tell your wife and I'm sure she will make the decision for you. You don't have the balls to , do you?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

FasterEddy said:


> I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up.


Well of course you don't want to lose the mother that "blows" you. I can see why you're such a babe magnet.



> Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?


"Love" whoever you want. Just be sure to stop by the free clinic afterwards.


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## Rushmore410 (Oct 4, 2017)

I think you are getting off writing about your little affair. You like bragging how you can use women as your little toys. You are a failure as a husband and a man. I'm ashamed to share your gender.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

FasterEddy said:


> I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up. Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


So, these multiple people that you love simultaneously. Why would you need to **** all of them?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FasterEddy said:


> I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up. Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe I can love multiple people simultaneously. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You are not free or available to be with another woman, you are married and have a small child as well. Also what sort of immoral woman cheats with a married man?


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

FasterEddy said:


> I had been having lunch w a coworker and we’ve been venting to each other for a few months and *recently found ourselves in the others arms. *I *don’t want to confide in my wife* but need to decide what to do about it.
> Feel free to tell me I’m the worst but I need to hear some sage advice.


"found yourself in the others arms" is dancing around the subject. Like if you don't say it out loud, it didn't happen. Did you literally just embrace, or are we talking sex here? Be blunt, to yourself as well as us. Don't candy coat it, or be deceptive about the full extent. The vague wording deflects responsibility, akin to "it just happened" right out of the cheater script. You didn't mysteriously find yourself anywhere, and it didn't just happen as though you were a passenger or spectator with no control. You created the circumstances in which it could happen, and then you chose to do it. Whatever it was. There were a whole bunch of decision-points that led up to it, and you actively chose wrong every single time.

You don't want to confide in your wife? Then your marriage is probably doomed. Your wife should be your first confidante, not this coworker. You set up the problem months ago. The only way out of it is to confide in your wife. If you can't do that, start the divorce process. Right now, you are keeping her in the dark about events that changed her marriage and affect her health and future, like you don't consider her an equal decision-making partner in her own marriage. Talk about selfish.



FasterEddy said:


> I agree with all of you. We have the best mother for my family and selfishly don’t want to break that up. Maybe it’s my nature or the nurture that can’t stop but I believe* I can love multiple people simultaneously*. Is that wrong just because you were raised believing otherwise?


There isn't anything wrong with loving multiple people simultaneously. It's call polyamory. It only functions if all people involved are fully aware of the circumstances and agreed to it ahead of time, and have a foundation of trust and honest communication to make it work. You have already broken the trust, so you can't establish the rest.

If you didn't want to break up your family, you shouldn't have done it. It's ALREADY broken. Your wife just isn't aware of it yet. Right now, you are deceiving her and treating her like an unpaid nanny, housekeeper, and sex worker, because you are no longer being a husband.

What do you want from us, exactly? Help deciding what to do about it?

You have five choices:

Tell your wife, and try to save the marriage.
Tell your wife, and end the marriage.
Don't tell your wife, and try to save the marriage.
Don't tell your wife, and end the marriage.
Don't tell your wife, and carry on as you are with the coworker.
Which one are you leaning towards?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@FasterEddy

I think you created this thread to just get a rise out of people. Look at the title... geez.

I'm closing this thread.


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