# Wife's Arousal After Time Apart



## ukdanielj (Oct 24, 2014)

My wife and I have been married a bit less than one year. Before marriage, we courted for 1.5 years. I am 30, and she is 29. We both grew up in a very strict Christian group that strongly (and mostly successfully) discourages any kind of physical intimacy outside of marriage. Even though we were both in our late 20s (and perfectly "normal"), we shared all of out firsts (first hand-holding, kiss, etc) with each other. And although we definitely pushed the limits of premarital physical intimacy acceptable in our community, we did manage to save any kind of sex until our wedding night.

My wife and I have a very good relationship in every respect, and we are both very understanding of one another and desirous to fulfill one another's needs to our best ability. During our courtship, I did a lot of reading here and learned a great deal. Several months into our relationship, I spelled out my expectations concerning sex in our potential marriage. Although I didn't exactly understand the psychology of physically intimacy, I did recognize my high drive, and I (gently) let her know that any expectation of unreasonable sexual refusal would be a deal-breaker for me. I had no particular reason to fear this from her, but my reading motivated me to put it on the table. She was completely to me and with me.

So, since the beginning, we have both had the understanding of no unreasonable sexual refusal, and we have enjoyed sex more or less daily since the first week. Both of us initiate regularly, and my wife seems also to have an above average sex drive (though somewhat less than mine).

At the time we were courting, my wife would get highly aroused incredibly easily. She would often get visibly wet through her pants or skirt from pretty innocent touching. Later, during the first months of marriage, she would get so wet before and during intercourse that she would drip down her legs. Admittedly, over the course of the past few months, I began to take shortcuts during foreplay, and she told me that she needed more time to get ready for penetration. I understood that and have been making more effort to give her a lot of touching, kissing, oral, etc before penetration. The whole time, she has always enjoyed sex, though her levels of arousal had been tapering off.

Here is my current scenario: recently, my wife went away or a week to visit relatives in another part of the country. The first few days after returning, she was incredibly easily aroused again--like back to our early encounters pre-marriage (and pre-sex). The first night after her week away, she was moaning and gasping (not acting) and getting wet from completely innocent touches in the car. I had not seen that kind of easily triggered arousal since the earlier times. This atmosphere lasted a few days with sex occurring twice daily (her making it clear that she wanted it). None of this coincided with ovulation.

My question is: does this experience indicate some optimal sexual frequency for her arousal/enjoyment that is less than what we have currently? I am starting to realize that I have been carrying this back-of-the-mind preoccupation of needing to establish the sexual precedent early in our marriage. However, I don't really believe this is an issue given our attitude toward one another and our worldview and mindset concerning marriage. I know I am extremely fortunate. Now I am just wondering if others have had experience of conscientiously lessening frequency of sexual intimacy in order to improve the quality for the other partner.

Please feel free to share thought or ask me any questions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

I'd say that you haven't been married long enough to draw any conclusions.

Be glad that your wife is enjoying sex with you. Talk her about it. Tell her you like it.

Sounds like behavior you want to encourage.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

In my experience, if I have been away from my husband for any length of time, I can't wait to reunite with him & get it on. 
I think about him a lot when away!!
I know I'll be ravenous & extra turned on that first few times. I just miss him & feeling close to him. 
Your wife could be the same? I think that's pretty normal.

On another note, I notice that if we don't go at it too often, (when we are both home in normal routine,) the sex is way better. 

I always look forward to it when we do it because it's not every day. 
Even if he wanted it everyday, which is possible, most of the time we keep it to every few days because it just feels hotter to me. Although sometimes we wind up going a couple times in a day, or a few days in a row, it always goes back to a few times a week. 

My desire rises as those days pass & we usually really enjoy each other once we get to it. That may be possible in your case too.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Yes, for people who enjoy having sex together, a little absence does make the heart grow fonder and the sex spicier when you are together again. So you might very well find if you sometimes skip a day or two, it ramps up the excitement when you connect again.

And there is such a thing as quality over quantity. Doing it every day might lead to, as you said, less effort on foreplay, etc. A drop in quality can lead to a drop in excitement for it. A break of a day or two can help recharge the appetite for more effort.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

We have similar backgrounds and I have been married for 30 years. You really are leaps and bounds ahead of where we were at the same time. You really need to feel good about that. If she is telling you to slow down then slow down. It sounds to me like you guys have a really healthy thing going. Do not ever stop communicating about it!


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