# Sacrifice Issues



## Mistress (Oct 6, 2013)

I've been with my boyfriend for a little bit over 10 months now. A while ago, he went to a concert to see his favorite band. I didn't really want him to go because I didn't want to be left home alone, while he would be out having fun. 

He went anyway and then I confronted him about it. I mentioned that "relationships require sacrifice" but he said "why should we sacrifice in our relationship?" If he thinks like that right now, what will happen when we're married? I don't want him to 'keep score'. What should I do? If he doesn't want to sacrifice a small thing like a concert for me, how will we deal with big things in our relationship?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why should he have sacrificed the concert for you, when the reason you wanted him to stay home was purely selfish.

Have you considered that the right thing here was you to sacrifice your need to have him keeping you company for the night so he could see a band he really liked.


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## Mistress (Oct 6, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Why should he have sacrificed the concert for you, when the reason you wanted him to stay home was purely selfish.
> 
> Have you considered that the right thing here was you to sacrifice your need to have him keeping you company for the night so he could see a band he really liked.


This isn't the first time this happened. I just gave an example one out of many. But when he wanted something, I had to give it up for him.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

why should he sacrifice going to a concert just because you're scared? How old are you? You sound too immature to even consider marriage.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Why wouldn't you want him to go to a concert? Do you not like it when he goes out with his friends alone? If so, why?

I could understand if he was doing it all weekend, every weekend but every now and then should be fine - you should encourage him to spend time with his friends both with and without you.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Why didn't you sacrifice staying home over accompanying your BF to see his favourite band in concert? Surely that would have been a smaller thing than your BF missing his favourite band?:scratchhead:


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I think happy relationships have compromise and the understanding of each other's wants and needs. Allowing someone to see his favorite band is allowing him to fulfill some of his wants and needs. This seems totally normal to me. I would bet he would do the same for her if the circumstances were reversed and she wanted to go out with the girls... Just my opinion.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Mistress said:


> This isn't the first time this happened. I just gave an example one out of many. But when he wanted something, I had to give it up for him.


What s it that you are giving up?

Relationship do mean making the other person a top priority in your life, and I feel the other person always has an open non revocable invitation to join you.

But it doesn't mean you give up having a life with interests that you go participate in.

That's not to say that you don't also spend lots of time and energy with your SO too.

For example if you are dating a cyclist and they spend every weekend out without you riding, that's not a good relationship and you should think about ending it.

But a concert or friends or family here and there should be ok,


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I completely agree that relationships require sacrifice but they don't require that people cease being autonomous humans. He wanted to go to the concert, you were invited, you declined. Both of you exercised your rights. If you were hungry, thirsty, sick, injured, on fire, or in danger and he did nothing, you'd have a problem. Sacrifice doesn't mean he is compelled to quit being himself and must agree to be "you".


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Sounds like he should he the one worried about the future. Your post suggests that you are selfish and immature. It does not bode well that you want him to give up his interests to babysit you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

A relationship doesn't mean that each party cannot go out and have fun with their respective friends. I've been married nearly 20 years and encourage my wife to go out and have fun. I have no reason to worry about her banging someone else, so why shouldn't she hang out and have a drink or two if she wants? 

And she is the same way with me. Nothing wrong with it a all and I feel it is quite healthy in a relationship. Trust, etc


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mistress said:


> This isn't the first time this happened. I just gave an example one out of many. But when he wanted something, I had to give it up for him.


You gave one instance, this concert, as an example. In isolation there is nothing wrong with him going to a concert alone. 

If you want us to understand that there is a bigger picture with a bigger problem you really need to give us more information and more examples.

What do you have to give up for him? Explain this.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Mistress said:


> I've been with my boyfriend for a little bit over 10 months now. A while ago, he went to a concert to see his favorite band. I didn't really want him to go because I didn't want to be left home alone, while he would be out having fun.
> 
> He went anyway and then I confronted him about it. I mentioned that "relationships require sacrifice" but he said "why should we sacrifice in our relationship?" If he thinks like that right now, what will happen when we're married? I don't want him to 'keep score'. What should I do? If he doesn't want to sacrifice a small thing like a concert for me, how will we deal with big things in our relationship?


I think you need to ask yourself why you're so uncomfortable being "alone" while he's "out having fun." It's not really healthy for a relationship if one person isn't capable of letting the other person have fun without them. It's normal to have fun without each other sometimes, and even should be good for the relationship. Do you have any reason not to trust him? Are you afraid of being alone? It's true that we have to "sacrifice" for each other in relationships, but that's not the same thing as saying that anytime you want him to do something he should do it, whether reasonable or not. After all, by your own logic, why shouldn't you have to 'sacrifice" your need for company so that he can see his favorite band?

It's be one thing if he was going out without you all the time, like more without you than with you, but what you're telling us here is just he wanted to go to a concert, and you think that he shouldn't just because you don't want him to. That's selfish.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

How old are you two?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband sacrifices his ears and his time to go to concerts I LOVE when he wouldn't mind just staying home.... and because I love him....I go with him to things he loves to do... like Coin shows where this is not really "my thing"... We'd both rather be together and enjoy than one of us stay home...

Your expecting him to stay Home cause you didn't want to be alone....this sounds so "needy" -- in a bad way... Geez...read a book, call a friend, do something you enjoy...while he enjoys something he loves.... I'd NEVER expect my lover to give up a concert of his favorite band or one he really enjoys -if they were in town ! You may call this a *small thing*.. but maybe to him, if he is heavily into music... it is a *BIG thing*... 

We don't always see things the same....this is lesson #1...so yes, compromise... I think it's best to be willing to put ourselves down and GO with our Significant others, if they would like that... 
If this is not doable or you hate the idea.....just find other plans while he does HIS thing...you do yours...it's only a night...this is good for all.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> How old are you two?


I was wondering the same thing myself...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

2galsmom said:


> Sounds like a threat Mistress. Not everyone is into masochism.


:rofl:

Hysterical!


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

Sure you make sacrifices in a relationship. He wanted to go to the concert and your sacrificed by staying at home. Nothing wrong with that as long as he is someone you can trust. Next time you can go out with friends without him. If for some reason he won't have it then you have a right to expect him not to go out with his friends.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

It was his *favorite* band!! 
I would say it's YOU that needs to learn to compromise.

As your partner my concern would be if you make such a big deal out of such a small issue/a concert.... how will you ever cope with any BIG deals or problems. 

You're the one in the wrong and you over reacted... IMO.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I think he should be angry at you for not attending with him.It's his favorite band and something he obviously enjoys...why wouldn't you want to be part of that? It may even grow on you and you can turn it into something that can be done together in the future.

It wouldn't even cross my mind to tell my husband he couldn't go see his favorite band provided he had the tickets and made the plans ahead of time just bc I didn't make plans for myself and didn't want to be alone.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mistress, are you going to come back an talk to us so we can get more info on your situation and thus be of more help.


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## Hopeless318 (Oct 7, 2013)

I'm as curious as the others. This may have been a poor example of how you feel he is not willing to sacrifice. My husband is unwilling to do things that he doesn't want to do for me. I should have seen this as a problem 20+ yrs ago when he "didn't feel like" coming to my baptism, I mean who does that??? He refuses to sacrifice his wants and needs even for his children,(other than that he's a great father) though he has found ways to justify his behavior. He doesn't even realize he's doing this and when I point it out I'm over reacting. Please don't run away because you feel some aren't sympathetic. I'll hear what you have to say.


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## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

Were you invited to go to this concert and said no? Then find something to do so you aren't alone. Relationships don't require sacrifice, but they do require compromise. And communication. If you feel like you are bending more than he is, then tell him openly; don't play games by trying to take something away from him so he can have hurt feelings too.


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## jen53 (Apr 26, 2013)

you can't stop your partner from doing things on their own, especially if you don't want to join them - soon this becomes smothering, if you wanted to go to a concert etc you liked and your partner didn't want to go he would in return tell you not to go - it would soon turn into a revenge denial thing- and you will both feel resentful of each other, its not so much sacrifices need to be made, rather compromises, long term no one can give up their individuality to become a permanent couple joined at the hips


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Did he ask you to go with him? If he did you had an option to be together,
Was this concert booked before you both settled into a more serious relationship? If it was then it is unreasonable for you to ask him to forego something he arranged 10 moths prior.

Is it bothering you who he went with rather than his going to this concert? 

Could you not have had a night out with your friends on the same night?

By providing us with this one issue it has as you see made it look like youve reacted with some immaturity and selfishness. If he makes these nights out a regular event and excludes you then we need to know the circumstances so we can at least try to draw some conclusions and respond in a more appropriate manner.


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## James C (Sep 6, 2013)

Whats flawed in this is that his FAVORITE band was in town and you didn't go out and surprise him with the best tickets you could afford.

This hits home because my wife has moved mountains to surprise me with tickets to events she knew I wanted to go to but knew I wouldn't buy them. Networking, getting and accompanying me to concerts she wasn't into overnight at a casino and such. There have been many instances on both of our parts to do things we didn't want solely because we knew how much it meant to the other. 

I know you are only dating ten months but if neither of you take pleasure in making each other happy then you are not right for each other. If you are with someone who's only concern is their own happiness, get out and if you're only concerned about your own happiness, just get a F buddy.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

jen53 said:


> , long term no one can give up their individuality _to become a permanent couple joined at the hips_


Ha! This is exactly what my ex-husband told me he wanted. He wanted us to be "permanently attached at the hip".

Did I mention that he's my _*EX*_-husband?!

Vega


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

This is one of those threads where we the posters will ask so many questions. The thread will keep going, but the original poster won't come back to shed light on the situation or answer any of the questions asked. I say this is a hit and run poster...


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## jennyh80 (Oct 14, 2013)

I think you scared her away with the tone of your replies.


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