# My marriage sucks and Its my fault



## StarLight83 (Jun 23, 2013)

We have been together for 7 1/2 years but married for 3 1/2 yrs. I am a VERY VERY affectionate person but he is not. I have very low self esteem and I have been self harming in the past. We have a 2 yr old that I gave birth to via c section so now I absolutely hate my body. We have sex like 3-4 times a month it varies and he is the only one that initiates sex. Why? Because I lkke to kiss but he doesn't and kissing turns me on...plus I just don't know when he wants it. We don't kiss, hold hands, hug, go out on "dates", we do nothing as a couple. I have talked to him about it but things are still the same. He doesn't say I love you, the last time he said it was 7 yrs ago. We are just very distant and that is not how I want things to be. But I guess its my fault. I am not a "real" woman. I can't cook, don't drive, I am a sahm so no job that pays. I am completely useless to him and I guess he deserves a real woman because he is a real man. He works has a good job, he works from home. I can't really talk to him about my depression because he thinks people like that (depressed) are just crazy and selfish. So I just keep things to myself. The one time he saw me reading about suicide the first words out of his mouth were "stop that foolishness or else I will take our daughter and leave". He never asked me why I felt that way or was there anything he could do to help. Well from that point I knew I was alone and no one cared. Hopefully my pain will end soon. Its all my fault and I am sorry that I even wasted his time. He deserves better.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad and it is very concerning that you are to the point of saying you hope your pain is over soon. Is your depression recent or has it been since giving birth or even longer than that?

Was your husband this non affectionate when you were dating or is this a new thing?

Did you seek help in the past for self -harm and do you have resources for seeking help now? Regardless of what your husband thinks - depression is very real and very dangerous. I'm sorry he is not supporting you in this way but if you are having these thoughts and urges you need to go around your husband and get what help you have available. 

Believe me, I know what it feels like. Depression lies to us and tells us those we love would not miss us, that they are better off if we are gone. This couldn't be further from the truth. You have a child who's life would be forever altered and destroyed if you took yourself out of it. Forever she would feel she wasn't important enough to keep you here. 

I very much hope you will seek help quickly.


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> I'm sorry you are feeling so bad and it is very concerning that you are to the point of saying you hope your pain is over soon. Is your depression recent or has it been since giving birth or even longer than that?
> 
> Was your husband this non affectionate when you were dating or is this a new thing?
> 
> ...


Yes please get help however necessary. Emotional isolation is horrible and terrifying. It shouldn't matter what your husband thinks, he is not a professional and has no right to blow off how you feel. I highly doubt you are the fault you marriage is what it is. Partners need to support each other and you need that now. Believe me I know depression. I got on meds which worked wondered what te heck I was thinking all those years of trying to brave it without. I am not saying go get anti-depressants, just saying that until you get help, you are just sinking deeper and deeper, eventually you stop caring about yourself, then hating / harming yourself. Tohe feelings are so real yet the world around you see to function effortlessly. Get some help please - you are a good person who deserves help!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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