# Wife moved out, need advice please.



## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

Well here I am finally. I have read 100's of stories and 1000's of comments in the last month. But I now would like to share my story and get some views / opinions from others. 
I am 27(m), wife is 24(f). We got together pretty young, moved out together, had a baby and got married 2 years ago. So, have a 5 1/2 year old son, and lived together for 7 years. 
During the time we have had different jobs, a few rocky times, arguements about nonsense, all the good stuff that comes with life. In the last 4 months we both started new jobs.
With my new job I was working some crappy hours, swing shift, and I was letting it affect my personal life (wife, son, family). Nothing abusive, just laziness and didn't want to do anything while home. Also I would say I'm a jealous person, and tried to limit who/what my wife did. That's a fault of mine that needs work.
Well 1 month ago my wife said she was sick of my crap, and moving her and our son to her moms house. Leaving me. (We rent). My first 3 days was wasted on begging, crying and all the wrong crap to do. I didn't believe she really was doing this. 
4th day I looked at phone records, and found out that she started talking to a guy from her work 2 weeks previous to her move out. Called him, he said they were just friends, I threatened all that. Confronted her about it, said they are just friends and he's going through same thing. (Right). 
So I kept reading, found the 180 and tried to implement it. Mainly to get her back. During the week while dropping off or picking up son, she came in crying, saying she's lost and sad. I fell for it, tried telling her we could work on it. We kissed(sexually) and hugged. Then she left, saying she would talk to me tomorrow. Turns out she went and hung out with OM. A few days later while son was at my parents for the night, I Got drunk and busted some stuff up at her parents house trying to get new "friend". He stayed inside wife's parents house, I left and ended up replacing broke stuff next day.
Retrying 180, went and payed lawyer. Got the paperwork to file. Hadn't talked to her much besides about son. She still denies everything about OM, saying she would never be with him blah blah. I see his car there all the time. 
Last night she comes over to drop off some cloths for son, comes in and starts saying she doesn't think I should be divorcing so fast, that she is lost and doesn't know what to do, says she misses and cries everyday about me...So I tell her if she wants to start working on things, the first thing she has to do is stop talking to the OM. She said she doesn't want to lose her new friends when she's not sure if we would work out. I told her that's not good enough, that I won't be number 2, that I want someone who loves me as much as I love them, and that she clearly doesn't if she can't throw away someone she's known a couple months.
Now I'm writing this, she just called making more sad crap. I asked her what she did when she left. She said nothing, I told her I drove by and his car was there, and that in filing for divorce today. (Which I am, paperwork done). She tried saying he has no where to stay, I said I don't care, ended conversation.


Thank you to anybody that can read this whole thing, I know it's long. Any advice on whether it's worth saving? I know that I shouldn't, I just had always believed we would be together forever. Also, after reading stuff, I realized she had been telling me she was sick of my attitude, and that she wasn't happy. I ignored it because I didn't realize how big of a deal it was.
One more thing, my wife says OM is married but seperated, with a kid, and wife is pregnant. I can't figure out how to find who she is. Would love to contact.

Also if it wasn't clear, (writing this throughout my work day), I am not over her, I feel like I ran her off. I'm just lost. I'm doing the 180 again but then I think it has worked and ruin the progress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

I moved this thread from general discussion. Thank you everybody that posted over there.
Update: divorce papers filed, don't think she's going to change her mind anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> 4th day (after she moved out) I looked at phone records, and found out that she started talking to a guy from her work 2 weeks previous to her move out. Called him, he said they were *just friends,* I threatened all that. Confronted her about it, said they are *just friends* and he's going through *same thing*. (Right).


Just friends. Sigh!


> So I kept reading, found the 180 and tried to implement it. Mainly to get her back. During the week while dropping off or picking up son, she came in crying, saying she's lost and sad. I fell for it, tried telling her we could work on it. We kissed(sexually) and hugged. Then she left, saying she would talk to me tomorrow. Turns out she went and hung out with OM.


Cake-eater and able to turn on the tears when necessary. 


> A few days later while son was at my parents for the night, I Got drunk and busted some stuff up at her parents house trying to get new "friend". He stayed inside wife's parents house, I left and ended up replacing broke stuff next day.


 OP, you don't want to end up behind bars, won't look too good for possible custody arrangement. Understand your anger but keep the lid on it. 


> Retrying 180, went and payed lawyer. Got the paperwork to file. Hadn't talked to her much besides about son. She still denies everything about OM, saying she would never be with him blah blah. *I see his car there all the time.*
> Last night she comes over to drop off some cloths for son, comes in and starts saying she doesn't think I should be divorcing so fast, that she is lost and doesn't know what to do, says she misses and cries everyday about me...So I tell her if she wants to start working on things, the first thing she has to do is stop talking to the OM. *She said she doesn't want to lose her new friends when she's not sure if we would work out. *


Smart girl, keeping the two of you on hold while she decides who she wants. Or is she waiting for OM to offer her a commitment e.g. ask her to move in with him though he just separated, has one kid and his wife pregnant! This just gets worse and worse. 


> I told her that's not good enough, that I won't be number 2, that I want someone who loves me as much as I love them, and that she clearly doesn't if she can't throw away someone she's known a couple months.
> Now I'm writing this, she just called making more sad crap. I asked her what she did when she left. She said nothing, I told her I drove by and his car was there, and that I'm filing for divorce today. (Which I am, paperwork done). *She tried saying he has no where to stay,* I said I don't care, ended conversation.


WS really will use any excuse - first time I heard that one. 



> Thank you to anybody that can read this whole thing, I know it's long. Any advice on whether it's worth saving? I know that I shouldn't, I just had always believed we would be together forever. Also, after reading stuff, I realized she had been telling me she was sick of my attitude, and that she wasn't happy. I ignored it because I didn't realize how big of a deal it was.
> One more thing, my wife says OM is married but seperated, with a kid, and wife is pregnant. I can't figure out how to find who she is. Would love to contact.
> 
> Also if it wasn't clear, (writing this throughout my work day), I am not over her, I feel like I ran her off. I'm just lost. I'm doing the 180 again but then I think it has worked and ruin the progress.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry turnedupsidedown. It's truly is a mess. 

You seem to be doing the right things and now you have the D papers. Maybe it will take you giving the D papers to her to shock her out of the fog. 
What a fog she's in especially with that POSOM. He may be using her as if his wife kicked him out he may actually have nowhere to stay. And his wife is pregnant! Hard to believe it's not PA. Would that be a dealbreaker? 
I'm sorry I have no real advice to offer. If he's separated contacting his wife may not achieve much. 
What may do is to tell your WS that he's likely using her because it sounds as if he is.
Whatever issues couples have, betrayal is NEVER acceptable. She lined him up 2 weeks before she left you.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Continue to push your wife to divorce... seriously.

The only reason my wife and I are attempting R is I caught her red handed texting I LOVE YOU twice to OM minutes before I checked her phone. A half hour later she ended her 3 year EA/PA? with the OM. That she defended as a friendship only for three years.

Without proof your wife is justified continuing this "friendship" with the OM and NOTHING YOU SAY means anything.... when she moved out she showed where her heart currently is. Make her make a decision fast....continue 180 be nice an push it to D.

Then you will force her to decide if her fantasy guy is worth her marriage. Don't play games with WW spouses. Smack them in the face with reality.

Whatever you do MAKE HER END either your marriage or the inappropriate relationship do not accept anything less she* can not* have you and the OM do not let her negotiate you absolutely need to force the issue on her inappropriate relationship she decided to have. She also chose to leave (to be with him)
SHE made those choices.

Remember affairs are a personal decision..the moment she decided to connect with OM she blew it.

Actually I'm happy you get to avoid dealing with this now rather than years of pain...stay strong!

One truth is women who have affairs leave to spend more time with their OM not to repair their marriage...it a truth about women in affairs. Men conversely stay while having the affair.

DO NOT GROVEL..DO NOT CHASE..make her decide her future and pick one of you.

Its easy if she would "Never be with him" you will be her choice.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Can you get her phone from her? want to verify if this is "just" and EA or its the full affair?
If so you need to act NOW and let me know.
Need model, carrier and brand of phone.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Another possible way to find out truth is to threaten polygraph. It will often get what we call a parking lot confession.

The ONLY thing that makes this even remotely possible not a full sex fest is its her parents house. But I would put odds of no sex at 3%.

Let me ask a silly question. how many beds are in her parents house? Is it even possible for them to have separate beds there?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You have his number from the phone bills. Go to spokeo.com, whitepages.com etc. You might get his wifes name and address.

He cheats on pregnant wife, he's a winner, but you can't believe anything your wife says either.

Her parents let him stay there? Have you talked to her parents, she is lying to them too.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Another possible way to find out truth is to threaten polygraph. It will often get what we call a parking lot confession.
> 
> The ONLY thing that makes this even remotely possible not a full sex fest is its her parents house. But I would put odds of no sex at 3%.
> 
> Let me ask a silly question. how many beds are in her parents house? Is it even possible for them to have separate beds there?


Wife is how old? 24?
Nailed on the first night.

Don't need a bed to f*cuk in.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> ...
> He cheats on pregnant wife, he's a winner, but you can't believe anything your wife says either.
> 
> Her parents let him stay there? Have you talked to her parents, she is lying to them too.


Your wife is a liar and a cheater. Her parents are toxic. The OM is scum.

Try to move forward with the divorce. You have to accept that you may never know all the answers/truth, but that's okay. You don't need to get yourself in trouble over this mess of a situation SHE has created. 

BTW, the 180 is about you, and it's not about winning back your ex (though that can happen from time to time, it's not the goal of the 180).


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My advice: change the locks.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> My advice: change the locks.


that may be illegal, check with your locality before pulling that stunt.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

You also read as too desperate in the way you interact with her. You dont' want to be saying things to her like 'if you want to work on things", etc... if she's screwing another guy, you don't talk to her like that.

Waywards are like animals, they can smell fear.

"I won't be number 2", etc.. it's all too casual. You have to tell her you dont want HER around. Push HER away.

If she pushes away, you push away father. Do NOT pursue, verbally or otherwise.

And your interactions with her read like disguised pursuit.

End conversations before she does.
Your default answer is "NO"
Do not talk to her until OM is GONE.
Do NOT even TELL her that. She needs to feel like you are leaving.
If you drop hints like "if you want to work on things" that leaves her thinking she has the upper hand.

Just shut her down and don't look over your shoulder.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

What kind of relationship did you have with the inlaws? Seems like that are enabling her in her affair if they are letting the OM stay there.

Seems like they still see her as their little girl, resent you for getting their 17-18 yo daughter pregnant and are using this whole situation to get you out of her life. There is I no way you want to be a part of this family.

Get you affairs in order. Divorce her. Work hard. Be the best father you can be to your little boy.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

She's cheating on you and her family approves.
Don't listen to a thing she says but watch what she's doing.

I think you're better off without her and her skanky family in your life.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Your doing the right thing. File and let her know that her wishy washy behavior isn't cutting it and if she isn't willing to stop being friends with the OM then you have your answer.

When she said he didn't have a place to live, you should have told her that she doesn't either, that's why she's bunking out at Mumsy's house.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

OP, stick to this course:

_Last night she comes over to drop off some cloths for son, comes in and starts saying she doesn't think I should be divorcing so fast, that she is lost and doesn't know what to do, says she misses and cries everyday about me...So I tell her if she wants to start working on things, the first thing she has to do is stop talking to the OM. She said she doesn't want to lose her new friends when she's not sure if we would work out. I told her that's not good enough, that I won't be number 2, that I want someone who loves me as much as I love them, and that she clearly doesn't if she can't throw away someone she's known a couple months.
Now I'm writing this, she just called making more sad crap. I asked her what she did when she left. She said nothing, I told her I drove by and his car was there, and that in filing for divorce today. (Which I am, paperwork done). She tried saying he has no where to stay, I said I don't care, ended conversation.
_
If she doesn't cut it off with OM and devote herself to marriage 100 percent she was gone anyway.


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

Have a good update: 
Thank you all a ton for your replies. I appreciate it and it helps reading clear thoughts.

Alien your right, and that's what I'm moving to right now, but more because I realize she is f'ing another guy and still choosing him over what we had. Hurts.

Weightlifter I can't get her phone unless I were to steal it. And I already know she how she would react to a lie detector (say I don't trust her blah blah and refuse). But, I realize that they are f'ing. So it doesn't matter too much I guess.

Now for juicy update. :

Papers signed, being filed tomorrow by lawyer. 

Found out OM's wife's name through a friend of a friend that knows them. Contacted on Facebook, waiting for the phone call.

That's about it so far, in done talking with her because it's making me sick thinking about what she's doing. Any more tips and advice would still be read and appreciated =). I will be following this thread as well as others, hopefully find a nicer woman in the future. ( which is another thing I worry about, the one I "had" is beautiful on the outside, and I felt was beautiful on the inside as well most of our relationship. I fear I will have a hard time finding a new perfect

Again, thank you all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you talked to her parents?

Do you get along with her parents?


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

Also, altered some stuff in story for privacy. WW lives with just mother. Who is an alcoholic, and basically did the same thing her daughter is doing to me, in 2 of her failed marriages. Mother in law says she feels terrible but she wants to stay out of it. No help from her family. My son will always be taken care of and loved, I just had hoped so much to do it as a family under the same roof.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

turnedupsidedown said:


> Also, altered some stuff in story for privacy. WW lives with just mother. Who is an alcoholic, and basically did the same thing her daughter is doing to me, in 2 of her failed marriages. Mother in law says she feels terrible but she wants to stay out of it. No help from her family. My son will always be taken care of and loved, I just had hoped so much to do it as a family under the same roof.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Document MIL's condition for court.
Living part time with an alcoholic whoa!


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## distraughtfromtexas (Apr 25, 2013)

Seriously, what the hell kind of family is okay with that...

Dude, I'm sorry you're going through this, but you need to get angry and stay angry, tell her where she can go and let her sit in it for awhile. She's playing you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Keep up with the 180 to help you cope and detach.

Follow up with the OMW if you don't hear back from her within a few days. These exposures often get intercepted or 'interpreted' by the WS. The OMW deserves to know. The POSOM (and he truly is a POS) may well be lying about being separated. In fact, I would probably bet on it.

Stick to your guns on the divorce. This puts you in a position of strength and control no matter what you choose to do as things unfold further.


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## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> My advice: change the locks.


They rent - I guess the house owner will be not very happy if tenants would change the lock...


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

turnedupsidedown said:


> He stayed inside wife's parents house.





turnedupsidedown said:


> I see his car there all the time.





turnedupsidedown said:


> I told her I drove by and his car was there





turnedupsidedown said:


> She tried saying he has no where to stay


 In telling you that "he as no where to stay", she just told you that he is staying with your wife at her parents house. 



turnedupsidedown said:


> Confronted her about it, said they are just friends and he's going through same thing.





turnedupsidedown said:


> One more thing, my wife says OM is married but seperated, with a kid, and wife is pregnant.


 She just told you that he left his wife to move in with your wife at her parents house. That is the reason that he has nowhere else to stay. It is not a coincidence that the timing of your wife finding a reason to blame you for moving out fits exactly with the timing of the other man (OM) separating from his wife and moving in with your wife. I find it sick that her parents are a part of this, such that you were on the outside of their home not allowed in, while the OM was allowed inside to live there with your wife and children. Very sick.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stay the course, she is no were near being out of the fog.

Until she can admit the OM was wrong and hates him and this can be confirmed she is a lost cause.

Confidence and strength brother...fake until you make it...so smile wish her the best, and showing indifference to her crap is the best approach.

Just so you know what ever happens...there is no querentee that she won't do this again in another 7 years!!!!!!!

And that my friend is the bottom line to all of this infidelity crap.


I mean really....all the current drama is sure really crazy, but at the end of the day are you willing to go through this again when the both of you a 30 something and a couple more kids?????

This is no longer about her and her being confussed. Its about *now* about protecting your self from more emotional torture from her.

Tell her this...tell her the ship has sailed...then set your boundries when it come to contacting you for any other reason other then your kid.

Main point bro is stay the course!!!!!

Put up the wall you need to emotionally protect your self from her emotional torment she is giving you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

your mil is a piece of work!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

TRy said:


> She just told you that he left his wife to move in with your wife at her parents house. That is the reason that he has nowhere else to stay. It is not a coincidence that the timing of your wife finding a reason to blame you for moving out fits exactly with the timing of the other man (OM) separating from his wife and moving in with your wife. I find it sick that her parents are a part of this, such that you were on the outside of their home not allowed in, while the OM was allowed inside to live there with your wife and children. Very sick.


Exactly!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

TUD

You filed. Good for you.

Never ever settle for being second choice.

Speak to the OMW and inform her of what is really going on.

Be a good coparent and stop talking to your wife about anything but your kid and the divorce.

She will be back with plenty of tears.

Do not listen. Judge her by her actions. She needs to grow up on her time not yours.

You will not be lonely for long. But next time find a woman that is mature. A woman that is 100 times more beautiful on the inside than the outside.

You will be much happier in the long run.

HM


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> Weightlifter I can't get her phone unless I were to steal it. And I already know she how she would react to a lie detector (say I don't trust her blah blah and refuse). But, I realize that they are f'ing. So it doesn't matter too much I guess.


TU - you don't necessarily need to physically have her phone to check the data. We will if she has an Android. But if she has an iPhone AND you know her Apple ID and Password (which she uses for her iTunes library). 

If you don't have that info, perhaps you could ask her credentials so you can _share her tunes with your own library_ or some other innocuous excuse?

With that info, we have a good chance of getting the texts AND the deleted texts.

In the end, I don't know how much it matters. She's seeinig him in her break from you. Kinda impossible for her to reconcile her things with you when the POSOM has corned that market.

File the papers, have her served, keep on with the 180. As long as she has the comfort on her perch on the fence, she has little incentive to choose. Make the choice for her. You are no longer available for her. You are not an option. It will put her into an all-out tailspin...stay strong. And stay reading here.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good job filing. Your wife is trash from a trash family. The apple never falls far from the tree.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

turnedupsidedown said:


> Mother in law says she feels terrible but she wants to stay out of it.


 Your MIL allowing your wife to move into her home with your wife's affair partner is not staying out of it, it is enabling it. Calmly call your MIL out on this the next time that you speak with her.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Agree with the above. Your mil is not neutral she is supporting posom and the affair at your expense and at the expense of her grandchilds home life. 

Your wife has no problem shacking up with a man who left his pregnant wife. Wow! 

Keep the hammer down on the divorce. 

Get tested for stds this has probably been going on longer than you know. 

Your wife and mil are both liars.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Did the wife of OM throw him out because of his affair with your wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

UPDATE: 
Still haven't heard back from OMW, going to try contacting again today.

Thank you all for the advice, and as hard as it is to accept, i feel it's what I need. I have been having a really hard time sleeping (cold sweats and panic when I awake). And I feel terribly lonely walking into empty house after work. BUT, I have been rereading this entire thread each time and by the time I finish I feel 70% better. So I want to say Thank You to all here for that.

She has changed all passwords since the split, including her Apple ID. But it's obvious anyways. 

She came to get sons snow boots today, I told her to get the rest of her clothes. She said she didn't want them all yet and would get the rest in the D. I didn't talk about us while she was here. It was just terrible when she left though, we didn't argue, and she acted as if nothing were wrong.

Anywho, will pursue OMW until she hears truth. And just going to go on each day with the D. And will continue to get son as much as possible.

Thank you all, I have read all answers about 12 times lol. And would love to see more to aid in comfort.

Lonely
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> that may be illegal, check with your locality before pulling that stunt.


Not at all! Perfectly legal. How?



> "Dear wife. I lost a set of housekeys. As a result I have had to change all the locks. When you leave your lover and move back in as my wife, you can get your copy of the keys, then."
> 
> Signed, Loki, Lord of Misrule. "


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I'm sorry things have turned out this way. Now comes the 'but,' which is the inevitable reciting of the truth - that you will survive and even thrive.

You are young and time passes surprisingly quickly. It may be hard to imagine, but this part of your life will pass into the greater part of your adulthood where most of your life takes place.

So, do your best to focus on your son and your own health. Mark my words that a few decades from now you may well remember that a bunch of older folks here told you that you would come through happier and wiser, and it will be true.


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

Update, could use some knowledge. 

Have sent friend request and message via Facebook to the OMW. No response, going to try again today, but can anybody think of another way to contact? I have first and last name.

Second, WW came over to drop off son last night and sits down trying to talk. She said some crap about how her and OM are just friends (blah). I told her I didn't believe her and to expect to be served with D papers in next few days. She then says in a joking/serious way, "we should have sex one last time before divorce", (don't think she meant that night). I said no, and she said that "we always said we would still do it if we ever split up*inside joke*). Anyways, I told her that could of been if she wasn't already screwing another guy. 

That was the extent of our conversation (which I planned on not having one period), and then I started getting mad thinking about OM and made her leave. She was trying to act bubbly and I kept my serious face on.

My question is why? Just to try to see if she can have her foot in the door? Even knowing she is choosing this other guy/life over me it's hard to believe it. And it is haunting my thoughts, I know I'm the same ol song and dance, but this is all new to me I never knew how common this was, and sure never seen it happening to me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

turnedupsidedown said:


> She said some crap about how her and OM are just friends (blah). I told her I didn't believe her and to expect to be served with D papers in next few days. She then says in a joking/serious way, "we should have sex one last time before divorce", (don't think she meant that night). I said no, and she said that "we always said we would still do it if we ever split up*inside joke*). _Posted via Mobile Device_


 The fact that she was so unemotional about the divorce, and made no serious effort to work with you to try to stop it, says it all. You are her backup plan in case it does not work out with the other man.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

turnedupsidedown said:


> She then says in a joking/serious way, "we should have sex one last time before divorce", (don't think she meant that night). I said no, and she said that "we always said we would still do it if we ever split up*inside joke*).
> 
> My question is why?


She wants to maintain some semblance of control over you, and sex is the most manipulative tool she's got. She just found out it's not going to work. 

My ex pulled a similar stunt. No infidelity in my marriage, we just forgot how to get along, but as I was moving my stuff out of the house she started coming on to me. Maybe it was "sellers remorse" or she was just lonely or something, who knows. At that point it was just sad and pathetic.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Your wife is seriously deluded. POSOM had nowhere to stay. Whose fault was that? Where does he park his penis when he sleeps over at her parents' place?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

How long do you guys think they will last? And if/when they split do you think she will realize what a tramp she has been? I know it doesn't effect me, but i think I would feel some immature satisfaction... Any thoughts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

turnedupsidedown said:


> How long do you guys think they will last? And if/when they split do you think she will realize what a tramp she has been? I know it doesn't effect me, but i think I would feel some immature satisfaction... Any thoughts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Most of the time only a few months to maybe a year at most. 

But a small percentage of waywards do go on to get married after their respective divorces, and some even have happy marriages until they die with their affair partners.

Don't believe all these posts you hear about cheaters getting run over by Karma. Many times that is what happens, but not always. I have known many older couples who's mrriages were the result of affairs, who had been married for over thirty years. 

Live for yourself now. Get the D done and move on and do your best to push her as far out of your life as you can. She may get her comeuppence or she may not. Don't wait around to find out. Don't get your hopes up.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

The key is to get your life in order and be happy with yourself. 

If you focus on yourself then her outcome is of no consequence to you.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

turnedupsidedown said:


> How long do you guys think they will last? And if/when they split do you think she will realize what a tramp she has been? I know it doesn't effect me, but i think I would feel some immature satisfaction... Any thoughts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can google infidelity statistics for some interesting facts.

They have a 10% chance of lasting three years. If they make that, they have a 10% chance of making it 10 years.

The last woman I know to cheat got married to her affair partner, that divorce was announced about a year later. BTW, it was with her neighbor.:rofl:


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

turnedupsidedown said:


> ... Any thoughts?


DNA the kids. Tell her you're doing it.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"She then says in a joking/serious way, "we should have sex one last time before divorce", (don't think she meant that night). I said no, and she said that "we always said we would still do it if we ever split up*inside joke*). Anyways, I told her that could of been if she wasn't already screwing another guy."

This is good.

Make it very clear to her you will NOT be friends after the D as you do not keep friends who stab you in the back.

This is a blatant attempt by her to keep you as a Plan B in the background...a classic example of trying to cake-eat.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

turnedupsidedown said:


> My question is why? Just to try to see if she can have her foot in the door? Even knowing she is choosing this other guy/life over me it's hard to believe it. And it is haunting my thoughts, I know I'm the same ol song and dance, but this is all new to me I never knew how common this was, and sure never seen it happening to me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Another possibility is that she MIGHT be pregnant with OM's child and having sex with you would leave doubt about who the father would be. 

Or most likely, trying to keep you as Plan B.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You are absolutely doing the right thing by divorcing her. How could you reconcile and eat Thanksgiving turkey with the in-laws? 

Your wife must have bad-mouthed you to the max to get them so amenable to letting POSOM fxck their daughter in their house while married. Bizarre folks.

Having sex with her would only signify that your were desperate to reconcile.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

turnedupsidedown said:


> Update, could use some knowledge.
> 
> Have sent friend request and message via Facebook to the OMW. No response, going to try again today, but can anybody think of another way to contact? I have first and last name.
> 
> ...


She is probably unsure about them and is testing waters if you are still an option


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

UPDATE:

Finally was contacted by OM'wife. I told her all that I knew. She is pregnant, she didn't know OM was with my wife, and she is devistated. The OM is 11 years older than my wife. I pretty much told her everything I knew from my perspective, but do plan on talking to her again to add a few more details that I forgot to mention. 

Can you guys think of anything to let her know? Tips or whatever. 

As far as I'm going, have been doing the 180 (for me more than her, finally). Following through with divorce. Still lonely when at home.

From what I have hold everyone, my situation....it would be a terrible idea to consider R when she crawls back, wouldn't it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> UPDATE:
> 
> Finally was contacted by OM'wife. I told her all that I knew. She is pregnant, she didn't know OM was with my wife, and she is devistated. The OM is 11 years older than my wife. I pretty much told her everything I knew from my perspective, but do plan on talking to her again to add a few more details that I forgot to mention.
> 
> ...



good work! Feel very sorry for the other W. but now she knows and has choices....
Let me ask you a question.... are YOU WILLING to R. with her?


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> How long do you guys think they will last? And if/when they split do you think she will realize what a tramp she has been? I know it doesn't effect me, but i think I would feel some immature satisfaction... Any thoughts?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OM is a married man...an expecting father...and he is having an affair with a married woman...he is a piece of crap...how long can it last?? Unless she is as big a piece of crap as he

also...married men have affairs with married women for a reason...they are forbidden fruit, attached, available for sex only...once the married woman gets the D and is single, expecting a relationship, romance, the white picket fence, the cheating OM will be gone...he will find another piece of forbidden fruit and hope it can stay casual


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

My "wife" moved in with her mom, and the "OM" seems to be living there as well. probably for 3 weeks now. This all started a bit over a month ago
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

turnedupsidedown said:


> My "wife" moved in with her mom, and the "OM" seems to be living there as well. probably for 3 weeks now. This all started a bit over a month ago
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did his wife say why he had moved out? What was the reason?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What's with the OMW being pregnant in every thread?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Both turned" and the OM's wife need to be tested for social diseases.
Cheaters will do things that straight people never think of doing. (I.E. horses, dogs, chickens, etc.)


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Just curious, do you have any proof that your wife is actually sleeping with this POSOM ? How do you know if it has gone physical and to what extent ? Nothing in your posts suggests that you have any evidence of this other than the POSOM hanging out at your MIL's place (probably because his pregnant wife kicked him out?).


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

No evidence. Just seems pretty obvious. Other mans wife says he just up and moved out saying he didn't wanna be with her anymore. And it turns out he moved out the same night my wife did. Still think it's not physical?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

It's gone physical no doubt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> It's gone physical no doubt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Probably physical before moving out!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

They deserve each other. How sad.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

bandit.45 said:


> Don't believe all these posts you hear about cheaters getting run over by Karma. Many times that is what happens, but not always. I have known many older couples who's mrriages were the result of affairs, who had been married for over thirty years.


CDC and Mayo Clinic have studied this for the last 50 years... the best estimate is 2% of affair marriages succeed. 

I'll would rather bet on the ponies.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

RWB said:


> CDC and Mayo Clinic have studied this for the last 50 years... the best estimate is 2% of affair marriages succeed.
> 
> I'll would rather bet on the ponies.


I disagree. In fact many waywards we hear about on here from our BS posters never get any real cumuppence, and even when they do it's not enough to make them acknowledge that what they did was wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> DNA the kids. Tell her you're doing it.


I would do this to show what you think of her word.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

RWB said:


> CDC and Mayo Clinic have studied this for the last 50 years... the best estimate is 2% of affair marriages succeed.
> 
> I'll would rather bet on the ponies.


If you subscribe to Dr. Harley's numbers in his 40+ years of studying infidelity, only 2% of affairs even make it to the altar. Something like 60% of those that do get married last less than five years, and while I can't recall his percentage of fails between 5-10 years, you can imagine the odds of long term success aren't likely to improve much, if at all.

Compared to affairages working, betting the ponies is a sure thing.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

All I'm saying is I personally know of three hometown couples who's marriages began as affairs and they all grew old together. Maybe things are different nowadays, I dunno. All I'm trying to get through to the OP is to hope for the best but expect the worst.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> All I'm saying is I personally know of three hometown couples who's marriages began as affairs and they all grew old together. Maybe things are different nowadays, I dunno. All I'm trying to get through to the OP is to hope for the best but expect the worst.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're being persnickety . None of he cheaters I know have done well. The last one, divorced her husband, married her neighbor she was cheating with, they divorced a year later, shes working three jobs to pay off debt and her daughter got pregnant by her own affair partner,


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> You're being persnickety . None of he cheaters I know have done well. The last one, divorced her husband, married her neighbor she was cheating with, they divorced a year later, shes working three jobs to pay off debt and her daughter got pregnant by her own affair partner,


And for every WS who's life is going down the tubes you'll find one who's fat and happy and without regret.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> You're being persnickety . None of he cheaters I know have done well. The last one, divorced her husband, married her neighbor she was cheating with, they divorced a year later, shes working three jobs to pay off debt and her daughter got pregnant by her own affair partner,


Is the daughter the ex husband's? Imagine having to deal with that...First the scumbag bangs your wife then your daughter.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

BjornFree said:


> Is the daughter the ex husband's? Imagine having to deal with that...First the scumbag bangs your wife then your daughter.


Yes, several families broken up in this mess. Daughters affair partner left his wife and kids. His dad kicked him out of the successful family business.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Yes, several families broken up in this mess. Daughters affair partner left his wife and kids. His dad kicked him out of the successful family business.


Good grief what an idiot.:wtf:


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

tom67 said:


> I would do this to show what you think of her word.


Absolutely, which is why I recommend telling her the DNA test is in the mail. But it also makes good sense. There's lots of $$$ at stake.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> Just curious, do you have any proof that your wife is actually sleeping with this POSOM ? How do you know if it has gone physical and to what extent ? Nothing in your posts suggests that you have any evidence of this other than the POSOM hanging out at your MIL's place (probably because his pregnant wife kicked him out?).


You don't go to Disney Land without going on the rides.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> No evidence. Just seems pretty obvious. Other mans wife says he just up and moved out saying he didn't wanna be with her anymore. And it turns out he moved out the same night my wife did. Still think it's not physical?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well probably not but it also depends on what is really happening here ?

My take on what has happened so far is (and you can correct me if I am wrong):


You got together with your wife when she was 17 and you were 20 (very young!)
You and her had a baby boy when she was 18 and a half years old!
You then got married when she was just over 21 years old.
You both faced the normal (financial and other) pressures of marriage with a kid but at a very young age and probably neither of you was equipped to deal with this effectively.
You both then got jobs (recently) and this gave her a chance to meet with and talk to other men (maybe for the first time since she got together with you at 17 ?) - this set the stage for her to start having an emotional affair after having to mature at very young age.
The POSOM is 11 years older than her! He is a real predator who is married with a kid and a pregnant wife and "suddenly" had to leave his house with nowhere to go ??? Either his wife threw him out for cheating (which seems to be the case on contacting her) or he was having an affair with your wife and saw this as an opportunity to bed her - hence the move to the MIL's house
The MIL is a drunken cheat and is not one to rely on to uphold morals
Yet your wife still wants to have sex with you and does not want you to rush into divorce

So what do we make of all this. Firstly you guys got together very young and she was vulnerable. Secondly, you have been asked what the conditions at the MIL's house are - is it possible for them to have separate sleeping arrangements or not ? Finally, is it possible that she has latched on to him because she is unsure of you or is she really in it for the sex and everything ?

You need to really establish what exactly is happening in the MIL's house ? This guy needs to be removed from there ASAP and that is one of the things that needs to happen if you are thinking of getting back together. Also, as others have said and you realise already, you need to be able to let her go to have any chance of R.

Let me know if I am on the right track here. It sounds like she still loves you but is unsure about something or could very well have gone completely off the moral track already.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> Let me know if I am on the right track here. It sounds like she still loves you but is unsure about something or could very well have gone completely off the moral track already.



I think she is making up for lost time before the wedding ... I think as well that were physical, but after a courtship by him. I also believe that now she is confused and can not find the right way .... so help her by showing the divorce papers.


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

Thank you all for the advice.

So now that the OM wife knows, my wife has started calling/texting super mean things to me. Talking about keeping my son from me, basically just turned pure evil in one day (even though she left she still wasn't using son against me). I'm hoping it was just from being pissed about me telling the OM wife, but if she continues it I'm going to tell lawyer I need a court ordered schedule through the D.

So, here I am. Wtf
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK what this means that the OMW is still putting pressure on him and your wife is being told this. So either she does not want to lose him (as she told you "in case it doesn't work out between you two") or he is putting pressure on her to get you to back off. In either case go into full legal protection mode now and recover your son at any cost - this scumbag should not be around your boy! Full speed divorce!


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

turnedupsidedown said:


> Thank you all for the advice.
> 
> So now that the OM wife knows, my wife has started calling/texting super mean things to me. Talking about keeping my son from me, basically just turned pure evil in one day (even though she left she still wasn't using son against me). I'm hoping it was just from being pissed about me telling the OM wife, but if she continues it I'm going to tell lawyer I need a court ordered schedule through the D.
> 
> ...


All that means it that you hit a homerun with exposure. This is the typical fallout, and it's what you want. Would you rather her be smug and say that what you did didn't matter at all? Of course not.

Who else do you have as exposure targets? This should be done as swiftly as possible. She needs to be hit upside the head with a tsunami of exposure truth, not have it trickled out so that she can gather herself and make justifications/rationalizations for her behavior. The longer you drag it out, the worse it will be for you.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to put him on cheaterville.com as fast as possible. Kick him when he's down. Finish the job.

Then send him the link. He just wants your life for her bootie. Make it too much trouble.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Put him on Cheaterville today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Speak to a lawyer ASAP.
Do your best to get custody and minimize your kid's exposure to POSOM.
Use the fact your MIL is an alcoholic makes it dangerous for your child to be in that home.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

3putt said:


> All that means it that you hit a homerun with exposure. This is the typical fallout, and it's what you want. Would you rather her be smug and say that what you did didn't matter at all? Of course not.
> 
> Who else do you have as exposure targets? This should be done as swiftly as possible. She needs to be hit upside the head with a tsunami of exposure truth, not have it trickled out so that she can gather herself and make justifications/rationalizations for her behavior. The longer you drag it out, the worse it will be for you.


She works with him right?
Don't be surprised if they are found out at work and one or both are fired.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Wow! You did great. You will get to see your kids. No judge is going to keep them from you unless you have serious issues. Having said that, keep control of your emotions. Dont say anything threatning or do anything violent. I would also consider having a VAR on me at all times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Thound said:


> Wow! You did great. You will get to see your kids. No judge is going to keep them from you unless you have serious issues. Having said that, keep control of your emotions. Dont say anything threatning or do anything violent. I would also consider having a VAR on me at all times.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree:
Carry a var with you.
She will try to get you arrested.
You just ruined her fantasy.
Well done.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> Last night she comes over to drop off some cloths for son, comes in and starts saying she doesn't think I should be divorcing so fast, that she is lost and doesn't know what to do


Tell her she doesn't get to make that call. She is lost? So what, are you supposed to just let her use this lost time to explore with the OM until SHE makes a decision on which way YOUR life goes?

Stay on track with the divorce.




> So I tell her if she wants to start working on things, the first thing she has to do is stop talking to the OM. She said she doesn't want to lose her new friends when she's not sure if we would work out.


She wants everything to go HER way.

Again, stay on track with the divorce. Let her find out if her new friends and OM was worth it.

Oh, and a father already has 3 strikes against him with regards to custody if he wants it. But since she left, you might have a small chance to convince a judge that you are the more stable/fit parent.




> Now I'm writing this, she just called making more sad crap. I asked her what she did when she left. She said nothing, I told her I drove by and his car was there, and that in filing for divorce today. (Which I am, paperwork done). *She tried saying he has no where to stay*, I said I don't care, ended conversation.



Wow, just wow




> Thank you to anybody that can read this whole thing, I know it's long. Any advice on whether it's worth saving?


No, its not. She is even destroying the family over a guy that has "no where to stay"?? Then let her go stay with a man that has no where to stay. Get custody of your son, start making the case against her. Document everything she says with dates and exact times. Do it in a daily planner, it holds more weight in court. 

And give all documentation on your interaction with her to your attorney.




> Also if it wasn't clear, (writing this throughout my work day), I am not over her, I feel like I ran her off.


You feel that way because she gaslighted you into feeling that way. You can't run off someone that wants to go have sex with someone else anyway.

What are you really gaining if you keep her and she comes home? Just a "woman" who realizes she can't have a life with another guy, but if she could, she'd not be trying to talk you out of divorce. She'd move in with him in a heartbeat if it worked out. She even places these new "friends" of hers above the marriage.

Face it, she is only wanting to not divorce now out of desperation and not losing her familiar life.

Stay on track with the divorce. You will get over her once you realize how nice life can be without her.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> Thank you all for the advice.
> 
> So now that the OM wife knows, my wife has started calling/texting super mean things to me. *Talking about keeping my son from me*


DOCUMENT THIS and give it to your attorney. It can be the nail in her coffin with regards to custody.
Document EVERYTHING she says that you think can be used against her.

First off, even if she gets custody, she cannot deny you access to your son, otherwise she'd be in contempt of court.

Secondly, she basically abandoned the family by leaving to lay down with this guy. Now she is threatening to keep your son from you. You need to get down and dirty and unleash your attorney on her. Tell your attorney to take the information you give him/her and do whatever they have to do to keep custody out of this evil woman's hands.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

- Carry a VAR with you all the time, document everything. Be at your best
- Lawyer up and file ASAP.
- Go even darker on her, hard core 180. ANd be very kind with you.

It's all about self protection, legally, fiancialy, emotionaly...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Acabado said:


> - Carry a VAR with you all the time, document everything. Be at your best
> - Lawyer up and file ASAP.
> - Go even darker on her, hard core 180. ANd be very kind with you.
> 
> It's all about self protection, legally, fiancialy, emotionaly...


:iagree:

Don't send her any texts in reply, especially if you are pis*ed off. Don't give her any ammo.

You are in divorce mode - play nice. Let her self destruct.

If her mother is an alcoholic and is actively drinking, discuss this with your attorney, as far as custody goes. Might be something to use.

If you can, pay for one of those criminal background checks on the dude. Cost less then $50.00 and you might find some crap on him. Heck, he might be a child molester.

Watch what you say and to whom you say it.

Right now you want the best outcome for your divorce. Don't go tit for tat with your wife. Again, be nice.

Cheaterville for sure for the dude.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

turnedupsidedown said:


> Thank you all for the advice.
> 
> So now that the OM wife knows, my wife has started calling/texting super mean things to me. Talking about keeping my son from me, basically just turned pure evil in one day (even though she left she still wasn't using son against me). I'm hoping it was just from being pissed about me telling the OM wife, but if she continues it I'm going to tell lawyer I need a court ordered schedule through the D.
> 
> ...


TUD, you're taking the power away, she can't do this on her own schedule. It's very important for the WWs to control and regulate the detachment from their BHs so that their rationalization hamsters can keep their internal reality distortion fields in operation to justify all the wreckage they are creating in everyone's lives. When you seize the initiative and file on your terms, expose it all on your terms, you knock over the hamster wheel. You force them to face what they are doing, you blow up the RDF and clear the fog prematurely. Even more irrationality ensues, as you see.

Well done.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> TUD, you're taking the power away, she can't do this on her own schedule. It's very important for the WWs to control and regulate the detachment from their BHs so that their rationalization hamsters can keep their internal reality distortion fields in operation to justify all the wreckage they are creating in everyone's lives. When you seize the initiative and file on your terms, expose it all on your terms, you knock over the hamster wheel. You force them to face what they are doing, you blow up the RDF and clear the fog prematurely. Even more irrationality ensues, as you see.
> 
> Well done.


:iagree:


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

2 more things I would do if I were you:

1) Give the OM's BW your WW's phone number
2) Give the OM's BW your inlaw's address

Then grab a beer and some popcorn and watch the fireworks show.


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

I know I keep saying it, but THANK YOU all for the advice shared with me. It has helped tremendously first by keeping me sane, and second by waking me up. And even third now that I realize it, by helping me damage control. THANK YOU!!

Now for update: She got served today at her mothers house (hour before she was dropping off my son, which I wasn't sure if she was going to because of the OMW thing). Anyways she just shows up, soon as she got in the door she went crazy, saying that the papers said "going for full custody, want her to pay for lawyer, and want her to pay child support".....I didn't know they were going to say all that, but.....LOL. Anyways she started threatening me with all kinds of crap, (I used advice and had recorder on). I tried to tell her the lawyer probably just words it that way to aim high. She didn't care, grabbed her shoes and slammed door.

So here we are, she is super mad. But she also left our son to stay the night, even knowing that in going for custody.

Also OMW knows address and phone, she is pregnant and seems pretty level headed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Well done. Stay frosty.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Do not hesitate to put him on cheaterville.com. Its a game changer. Keep after him. You want his life to be a nightmare.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Didn't she want sex "one last time" a few days ago? Sucks you didn't record her saying that!!! I'm pretty sure the OM would be plenty pissed if he knew that the the woman he left his pg wife for was already "playing the field". Oh well, maybe he'll hear it from someone else!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> Well done. Stay frosty.


Do you get that saying from the movie Aliens? That's the only other time I ever heard anyone say "stay frosty"


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

vellocet said:


> Do you get that saying from the movie Aliens? That's the only other time I ever heard anyone say "stay frosty"


Read some books.

T


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

3putt said:


> 2 more things I would do if I were you:
> 
> 1) Give the OM's BW your WW's phone number
> 2) Give the OM's BW your inlaw's address
> ...


I like my popcorn buttered please.


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

Tobyboy said:


> Didn't she want sex "one last time" a few days ago? Sucks you didn't record her saying that!!! I'm pretty sure the OM would be plenty pissed if he knew that the the woman he left his pg wife for was already "playing the field". Oh well, maybe he'll hear it from someone else!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No doubt! However, save all your tricks (VARs and such) hidden for things that matter. In otherwords, dont blow the fact that you are recording her on something like trying to make OM jealous. Stick to plan. And yes,.,.,.,.stay frosty, or salty, or sharp, or raw, or all the above


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Well done. Stay frosty.


We are all glad you took the advice given.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> I know I keep saying it, but THANK YOU all for the advice shared with me. It has helped tremendously first by keeping me sane, and second by waking me up. And even third now that I realize it, by helping me damage control. THANK YOU!!
> 
> Now for update: She got served today at her mothers house (hour before she was dropping off my son, which I wasn't sure if she was going to because of the OMW thing). Anyways she just shows up, soon as she got in the door she went crazy, saying that the papers said "going for full custody, want her to pay for lawyer, and want her to pay child support".....I didn't know they were going to say all that, but.....LOL. Anyways she started threatening me with all kinds of crap, (I used advice and had recorder on). I tried to tell her the lawyer probably just words it that way to aim high. She didn't care, grabbed her shoes and slammed door.
> 
> ...


Document that SH!T

Good for you Bud

55


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

Congratulation! Your now normal. More than fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Today in America only 48% of household are married couples compared to 78% in the 1950's. Welcome to the community of divorcee's and their support group. 
Hold you head high you did the right thing. Ask anybody here. You didn't need advise you just needed support and you came to right place. Good Job. Now go get your wife's boyfriend and get them to divorce, you will feel better. I do have bit of advice. Try loving!


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

turnedupsidedown said:


> I know I keep saying it, but THANK YOU all for the advice shared with me. It has helped tremendously first by keeping me sane, and second by waking me up. And even third now that I realize it, by helping me damage control. THANK YOU!!
> 
> Now for update: She got served today at her mothers house (hour before she was dropping off my son, which I wasn't sure if she was going to because of the OMW thing). Anyways she just shows up, soon as she got in the door she went crazy, saying that the papers said "going for full custody, want her to pay for lawyer, and want her to pay child support".....I didn't know they were going to say all that, but.....LOL. Anyways she started threatening me with all kinds of crap, (I used advice and had recorder on). I tried to tell her the lawyer probably just words it that way to aim high. She didn't care, grabbed her shoes and slammed door.
> 
> ...



Write that in your log.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

There was another poster who's wife reacted the same way when she got served. I'll tell you what I told him: its all bluster and drama. 

Your wife is pissed because she really did not think you would do it. She thought you would wait her out and be there as her fallback. She is scared to death and know she has stepped in it big time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> I know I keep saying it, but THANK YOU all for the advice shared with me. It has helped tremendously first by keeping me sane, and second by waking me up. And even third now that I realize it, by helping me damage control. THANK YOU!!
> 
> Now for update: She got served today at her mothers house (hour before she was dropping off my son, which I wasn't sure if she was going to because of the OMW thing). Anyways she just shows up, soon as she got in the door she went crazy, saying that the papers said "going for full custody, want her to pay for lawyer, and want her to pay child support".....I didn't know they were going to say all that, but.....LOL. Anyways she started threatening me with all kinds of crap, (I used advice and had recorder on). I tried to tell her the lawyer probably just words it that way to aim high. She didn't care, grabbed her shoes and slammed door.
> 
> ...


LOL. Next time, there will be more, don't explain or excuse anything in a court document. She threatened to keep your child from you, of COURSE your lawyer should put in for full custody and child support. Threats like hers are not to be taken lightly.

She now understand this isn't a joke.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Upsidedown,

Congrats. You count as a BS who takes advice and gets good results. Your sex ranking is going up dramatically. POSOM seemed like he had his shxt together, but guess what, once his life started coming unravelled your wife has begun to see that he is not so hot. For one he didn't leave his home and move into a beautiful new condo where they could fornicate while your son slept in his own nice bedroom. No, they have to live with MIL who is no doubt charming.

Post POSOM on Cheaterville and your position will be even better. Make your post simple and factual. POSOM is commiting adultery with a married woman who is mother to xx year old son. His own wife is pregnant and he has abandoned her to live with his partner in adultery. The adulterers currently reside with the woman's parents as she has also deserted her family home.

Put up POSOM's Facebook photos and sent the link via an anonymous Internet cafe.

The question now is what your wife will do. Will she beg to return? Will she show genuine remorse? Can you accept her back? Will she walk away from both POSOM and you?

Decisions await you.


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> Upsidedown,
> 
> Congrats. You count as a BS who takes advice and gets good results. Your sex ranking is going up dramatically. POSOM seemed like he had his shxt together, but guess what, once his life started coming unravelled your wife has begun to see that he is not so hot. For one he didn't leave his home and move into a beautiful new condo where they could fornicate while your son slept in his own nice bedroom. No, they have to live with MIL who is no doubt charming.
> 
> ...


Also, and Ive posted this before
1) Create a fake email and facebook account using a name similar to his. If his name is Michael Kern. Then create the accounts like Michael_Kern_1212.
2) Make a list of people that he is friends with on facebook, linkedin, whatever you can find
3) Simply start peppering this people with friend requests containing a link to his cheaterville profile. 

This ensures that cheaterville doesnt go unnoticed. All it takes is 1 person in his inner circle to view the link and its game over for him. Everyone he cares about will know the deal.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

turnedupsidedown said:


> I know I keep saying it, but THANK YOU all for the advice shared with me. It has helped tremendously first by keeping me sane, and second by waking me up. And even third now that I realize it, by helping me damage control. THANK YOU!!
> 
> Now for update: She got served today at her mothers house (hour before she was dropping off my son, which I wasn't sure if she was going to because of the OMW thing). Anyways she just shows up, soon as she got in the door she went crazy, saying that the papers said "going for full custody, want her to pay for lawyer, and want her to pay child support".....I didn't know they were going to say all that, but.....LOL. Anyways she started threatening me with all kinds of crap, (I used advice and had recorder on). I tried to tell her the lawyer probably just words it that way to aim high. She didn't care, grabbed her shoes and slammed door.
> 
> ...


Do not discuss legal strategy with the other party. Next time have her lawyer call yours. Only discuss the kids going forward.


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## SteveK (Mar 15, 2014)

turnedupsidedown said:


> UPDATE:
> 
> Finally was contacted by OM'wife. I told her all that I knew. She is pregnant, she didn't know OM was with my wife, and she is devistated. The OM is 11 years older than my wife. I pretty much told her everything I knew from my perspective, but do plan on talking to her again to add a few more details that I forgot to mention.
> 
> ...


I just started a thread about this...men who chased married woman, and this MF takes the cake! I feel bad for you I really do.

Maybe the guy has Madonna /***** syndrome ( and I am not calling your wife a *****) ... It's when a man see his wife as a sexual object and really goes at it with her. Then she gets pregnant or has kids and know she's the Madonna and he looses interest in sex with her.....starts to look for an outlet...usually not another married woman though.

http://jellygator.hubpages.com/hub/What-is-Madonna-*****-Syndrome


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

vellocet said:


> Do you get that saying from the movie Aliens? That's the only other time I ever heard anyone say "stay frosty"


My dad was in the Old Corps and he used to say that back when I was little.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

*I didn't know they were going to say all that, but.....LOL. Anyways she started threatening me with all kinds of crap, (I used advice and had recorder on). I tried to tell her the lawyer probably just words it that way to aim high. *

I agree with the others about your statement. Don't talk legal strategy with her. Let her deal with the legal stuff on her own and let your attorney handle the verbage, etc.

What you need to do now is keep a tight lip.

Good job.

And "stay frosty".


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Tony55 said:


> Read some books.
> 
> T


Coming from the man who doesn't like facts presented to him and waves his pom poms for Obama.

Stalking me now are we? I must have really owned you something fierce.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Steve stop talking to her. 

If she comes in the room wanting to start a fight.... walk out of the room. Say nothing to her. 

Do everything you can to keep her away from you. The only way you will begin healing is to keep your physical distance from her.


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

Hello everybody, not much has changed since my last post. I am going to put OM on cheaterville, just haven't had much motivation.

For some reason I was picturing her feeling sad, or something about the whole situation, but actually I think it made her happier. None of which matters, just hurts my feelings.

Also to add insult, she filed our income taxes joint, and now won't give me the agreed upon half. She signed a paper saying she would, but is now going against it saying her lawyer told her to. My lawyer said don't worry about it, it will get worked out in divorce court. But that doesn't help much now while she spends the entire thing.

Feeling pretty down, still trying to hide it. But I've been feeling pretty low since the night of my last post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> Hello everybody, not much has changed since my last post. I am going to put OM on cheaterville, just haven't had much motivation.
> 
> For some reason I was picturing her feeling sad, or something about the whole situation, but actually I think it made her happier. None of which matters, just hurts my feelings.
> 
> ...


We feel for you man we really do.

But when my bank asks me for my mortgage payment I tell them I am trying as hard as I can.

They tell me we give you an A for effort but where is our money ?

Stop your personal pity party

Get your head right get support from friends and family

Do what you need to do and move on she is gone

Keep your chin up young man

The best thing ever made is another day

55


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

See your md for sometemporary help. They see this a lot. Work out, most here think weight lifting is best.....makes me feel better immediately.

Things look dark now but getting rid of someone that can cheat is a good thing and you will find you are better off. Invariably there will be other things about her you will realize just wasnt right.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In case she texts emails or messages you again ask for accounts at your lawyer so you can forwarded them to your lawyer. And unless they are a communication about child care, for example, DO NOT reply tothem.

Also it is likely they could all be drinking heavily together with your son present. Your MIL needs to be on Cheaterville, too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This needs to go private I think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> This needs to go private I think.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreeds.

Mods gettur done.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> This needs to go private I think.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Op only has 13 posts. He can make a donation.


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## turnedupsidedown (Mar 10, 2014)

Hey not sure what the private thing is. And as far as my 13 posts, I have read 100+ threads with all the comments. But I don't think I am in any position to give the advice that others here are sharing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

turnedupsidedown said:


> Hey not sure what the private thing is. And as far as my 13 posts, I have read 100+ threads with all the comments. But I don't think I am in any position to give the advice that others here are sharing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The 13 post thing just means you don't have access to the private forum yet.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> My dad was in the Old Corps and he used to say that back when I was little.


That explains it, because it was a Marine that said it in the movie.


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