# Filed for divorce



## Katie2 (May 18, 2021)

I am still emotionally attached, but rationally want everything to get over.

Updates:
Last night I was a mess when I posted the above short note with typos.

I have been married for 17 years and have no kids. I am 55 and my Ex-to-be is 68. We had only three things in common: dancing, outdoors, and... . But, we fight and argue over everything else. Main thing was that we have had so many arguments over having kids 16 years ago. After he agreed to have kids, (he had three from his previous marriage), we tried, but I started miscarrying. I miscarried 5 times. He barley accompanied me during those though times. He even didn't come to take the test, when doctor required both of us to get tested.

I had so much emotional attachment that it was very hard for me to make a decision about my own life. That's why I couldn't file for divorce.

Other main reason for me was that he always put me down, telling me you had nothing, you were nothing, you have short memory, you have alzheimer disease and many many other humulative and abusive words. For instance, one time in the car when we had an argument over something, when he told me I have alzheimer, I screamed and hit on my own head and on the dashboard. Why am I still living with him? I don't know.

In summer 2019 he sold his house (he had before) and put $150K on top of it to buy another house. I was so happy that we got a house with swimming pool and Jacuzzi and had no idea of separate and common properties until few days later when he started nagging to sign the deed off to him. I signed it, but I felt very sad inside that why he doesn't trust me after 16 years. This thought was killing me until fall 2020 that I realized that I cannot stand his verbal abuse, and I am becoming 56 soon and my whole life will be with him arguing about small things and when he has no trust on me, I eventually, filed for divorce.

Now he is trying to proof that everything he has is his separate property, including the second house he purchased. He agrees about the house in which we live in and I am contributing to its mortgage. Not to mention that until few months ago when he declared his (our) assets, I had no idea about his financial statements and I never asked and of course he never shared with me. He has millions and I didn't know till few month ago, but we used to go to cheap hotels or camping or sleeping in the back of the car. We've had only two big vacations and I paid the hotel and tickets. Even he cashed the stimulus checks and tax returns without me knowing about it.

I always asked myself, why am I staying in this marriage and I had no answer. I always blame myself of being so weak, so emotional, too kind, and he might be right that I forget, because I always forget what he has done to me.


----------



## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Tell us a little more about your circumstances? How long were you married? How old are you both? Any kids ? What brought you to this decision?


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Wish you well. Fill us in further when you are up to it.


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Katie2 said:


> I am still emotionally attached, but rationally want everything to get over.


Who filed and why?


----------



## Katie2 (May 18, 2021)

joannacroc said:


> Tell us a little more about your circumstances? How long were you married? How old are you both? Any kids ? What brought you to this decision?


Thank you for asking. I updated my post.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Katie2 said:


> Thank you for asking. I updated my post.


Hopefully you have a good lawyer. He can only control a certain amount of his assets. You have claim to some of them, maybe more than he likes.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

hire a lawyer and have them do all the research on the assets...if you contributed any part to the mortgage you have interest in that property...do not sign anything with out a lawyer


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

One other suggestion -- you may want to have your lawyer get a forensic accountant -- if he has all of these accounts that you know nothing about, a forensic accountant can figure all that out and determine what would be community property that you should rightly have as part of the divorce.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Lostinthought61 said:


> hire a lawyer and have them do all the research on the assets...if you contributed any part to the mortgage you have interest in that property...do not sign anything with out a lawyer


If she even helped maintain the household in which he lived that enabled him to earn money to pay the mortgage, she has a claim to a portion of the assets. That's why most courts start at 50/50 and take a lot of persuasion to move from there. SAHM's even get half of super dad's millions. She stayed at home to raise his children and wash his underwear. That's an equal contribution to his success.


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Oh boy honey, you married a bully and a Narc most likely. No wonder you were emotionally deteriorating. 16 years of abuse take a toll on anyone. I'm glad you finally filed. Now you are seeing what a piece of crap this man truly is. 1. Get a lawyer and don't talk to this man directly ever again. 2. Contact a lawyer and let him handle your bully STBX. 3. Any communication you have with this bully needs to be written. Use Text or email. That will give you proof. 4. There is no shame in being loving, forgiving and naive. He took advantage of that and emotionally beat you to tear you down. You survived. That is what counts now. 5. You are a survivor. Now go live your life in peace and let the courts get you the money and assets you deserve. Don't stop until you get a fair settlement.


----------



## Katie2 (May 18, 2021)

Bibi1031 said:


> Oh boy honey, you married a bully and a Narc most likely. No wonder you were emotionally deteriorating. 16 years of abuse take a toll on anyone. I'm glad you finally filed. Now you are seeing what a piece of crap this man truly is. 1. Get a lawyer and don't talk to this man directly ever again. 2. Contact a lawyer and let him handle your bully STBX. 3. Any communication you have with this bully needs to be written. Use Text or email. That will give you proof. 4. There is no shame in being loving, forgiving and naive. He took advantage of that and emotionally beat you to tear you down. You survived. That is what counts now. 5. You are a survivor. Now go live your life in peace and let the courts get you the money and assets you deserve. Don't stop until you get a fair settlement.



Thank you so much for your support. This is what I really needed these days. I'll try to stay strong.


----------



## Katie2 (May 18, 2021)

Lostinthought61 said:


> hire a lawyer and have them do all the research on the assets...if you contributed any part to the mortgage you have interest in that property...do not sign anything with out a lawyer


My lawyer drained my account without getting me to nowhere. I had to fire him. I am looking for another one.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Katie2 said:


> My lawyer drained my account without getting me to nowhere. I had to fire him. I am looking for another one.



If they did drain your account you can request a detailed breakdown of everything they did.....make sure the were legit fees


----------

