# where to go for help



## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

Well as in my post in the womens forum, we tried and it's just not going tow work, so we are going to go our separate ways.

Neither of us know whhat to do at this point, right now we want to keep things civil, but my problem is I am the sole source of income, she can work but says she can't. so currently has no income, actually she has a job with good pay thhat she is going to resign from shortly she has been out for 2 months now.

We have been married for 8 years, (no kids thanks God) over that time with her issues, we had lost everything we owned that was in my name except for our house, her name is on it. 

we are currently in the process of trying the hamp program for a second time, I also have a second morgage and probably 2 liens from repos on the house. 

I could afford to live in the house with our 2 dogs, she could not. and if she takes alimony from me I won't be able to afford the house and our dogs will have no place to go. she knows that and in a previous argument said she wouldn't take alimony.


We basically separated this past sarturday, I went and opened a new Acct for my direct deposit to protect my money she is very spiteful, I left some money in our joint acct still to avoid any retaliation at this point.

I don't know what I am currently responsible for and having a hard time finding the right information, I can not afford a lawyer, I have debt out the wazzooo!

she has expensive dr's appts and medications coming up, her car needs to be inspected, she smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day.

Do I need to pay for these things? am I responsible for them?
she could work but chooses not too.


I really don't want things to get ugly as we are still in the same house, I can't see leaving and still paying for her to live there and let it go to hell plus I wouldn;t be able to afford to live somewhere else. I can't kick her out (vice versa) cause were both on the mortgage. AND I CANT AFFORD A LAWYER!!!!


It's been a long time coming and we'll both be better off it's just getting to that point.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

When she was working, how comparable were your incomes? 

First thing you should do is make a complete list of your assets and liabilities. Then find legal help. Look for public assistance or free consultations. 

C
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## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

Right now where she is employed, she makes about 6-7 dollars less an hour, but she works as little as possible, even though they want her full time. 
And she is now planning on resigning, saying she just can't do the work, to much for her. Even at 3 days a week.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, I sure wouldn't be offering her much money on a month to month basis. I'd wait for a lawyer or judge to tell me that was required. But again, find a way to get legal advice on what any spousal support would be, so you don't end up with more unmanageable debt. 

Has she asked you for support? Is there a medical or mental reason why her job is too much for her? 

C
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## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

well to be honest, she claims health problems, but I think they are caused by mental, I wrote a huge post in the womans section about my situaion and how it has been for years that expains all that. so that is a tough subject, but she can go out and do anything that is fun, including a trip to LV and be in no pain the whole time. it seems to be her pain issues are convenient more than anything. but surely not convenient for me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So again, has she ASKED for support?

C
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## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

Not yet, we just decided to separate Saturday, we are under the same roof still, she had mentioned in a previous conversatipon she wouldn't go after me for allimony, but I guartantee if I say I'm not paying for something that she wants or needs, she is going for it. I don't know If I legally can just stop paying for her things. Not sure how that works, I need to find out asap, I have to, I guess seek consultation somehow without paying for it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Are her medical items covered by anyone's insurance?

Around here (Canada), I suspect support is just calculated on income. There might be exceptional items, but they would be handled on a case by case basis by a judge. In your case, because you make more money than her, you MIGHT be obligated to pay her some money, but it would be fairly minimal. She, on the other hand, would be expected to be emoter and earning a full time wage, and covering the majority of her expenses that way. If she can't work due to disability, she would be expected to prove that, as well as apply for whatever social assistance she qualifies for. Whether your support payments go to cigarettes, Las Vegas trips, or rent isn't your concern. That's kind of the point of separating. 

Good luck!

C
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## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

Thanks, yes right now she is covered under my insurance, monthly dr's visits, prescriptions etc. she doesn't work enough hours to get full coverage at her job, she could work enough but says she can't.
And it is not proven that she can't work and would be really hard for her to get disability, otherwise she would have did that by now so she wouldn't have to work.

and as far as the use of the money correct, if she was awarded something I could care less what she did wirth it, but right now is my concern can she just spend my money, or can I cut her off now and then pay if something is judged against me. which I don't really have anything to give her anyways, now or if awarded.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

When I separated, I set up a new account under my name alone. I transfer over a certain amount to my STBXW every month. That amount is based on guidelines I found online. Google <your state> spousal support and see what comes up. But my wife doesn't have access to my account. 

In your case, you have options. But the first step I'd take is protecting your income. From there, you could wait for her to ask you for money. You could offer, say $250 per month in the hopes that keeps things amicable through the separation. You'll have to decide on a correct approach, since you know her best. 

You should also start separating bills and accounts, like credit cards, utilities, and cell phones. 

C
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## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

cool thank you for the advice, that seems to be the best bet right now, since she can work but chooses not to.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Corso said:


> cool thank you for the advice, that seems to be the best bet right now, since she can work but chooses not to.


Wish some others would post for you too... . But phone around and try to find some lawyers that offer an initial hour free consulting. Get their take on your specific situation. I also took a "Separation And Divorce" class for a few buck through a local "continuing education" program. It was pretty helpful as well.

C
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## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

Excellent, thanks again for all your input, I truely appreciate it.


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