# He is always ANGRY



## WannaRun (Aug 11, 2012)

I have been married for less than 2 months, although we have been together for over 3 1/2 years. My husband has become so ANGRY all the time at me. I just dont know what to do. I am a disabled veterand and am unable to work, but that is not new - it was the same when we met. In fact, when we first started dating, he wasnt employed (he lived with his parents and didnt even have a car....mind you we are in our early 30's). He moved in with me after 6 months. For the first 1 1/2 years we were together, he didnt work and I supported us both. In October 2010, I ended the relationship because of his drinking - itt hadnt gotten so far out of control and he had gotten physical with me while drunk. We were apart for 3 months and he stopped drinking during that time. We really had been best friends and I missed him so I gave him another chance. 

Last July, we moved to another state. I guess around November/December, he just changed. All of the sudden, he was treating me as if I was his employee and making me account for every minute of my day. He started putting me down and yelling at me, threatening to leave. He stopped wanting to have sex with me. In January, I caught him on dating websites and he was having phone/internet sex with different women. I was very angry but I decided to try to work through it. Two days later, he would get extremely upset if I even brought it up - he thought I should just forget about it. I finally got him to go to couple's therapy (we went 3 times) and then he decided we couldnt afford to go anymore. We got married in June. 

The problem is: he can be so amazing for a few days or a couple of weeks or so - just like the man I fell in love with and then BAM!!! He screams and yells at me and puts me down for even the smallest thing. For example, I had to go to the emergency room this week and after I was released, he brought me home and then after about 20 minutes, he left me home alone and went over to a coworkers house to help work on her boat. He didnt come back for over 2 hours. Of course, I was upset. He did the same thing the next two nights. He is constantly doing all these things for other people and then starts a WAR when I ask where he is or why isnt he spending any time with me? 

If I dont keep the house SPOTLESS at ALL times, or forget to do even one thing that he has decided I should do that day - he berates me and talks about how no one cares about him and everyone uses him and how he is just going to quit work and let me figure out how to pay the bills, etc.

He cannot see how he is acting and treating me - its only how I am lazy and he has to do everything, and no one cares about him and uses him, and how he never gets to have any fun and we never have any money...etc

I just dont know what to do anymore. I cannot handle being screamed and yelled at all the time and put down and berated. He even screamed and yelled at me this morning because our landlord came by while he was using the bathroom and I invited her in the house. Really? So no one can come in the house if he's going to the bathroom now???? When we are in public, he is always telling me "smile more", "talk more", "dont talk so much", "you're walking to slow", "why cant you get out of car faster", etc etc etc. 

I cant take this anymore. I am so miserable.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

He's not working on her boat, he's working on her.

Why marry someone you knew would cheat on you, lie to you and treat you like you are nothing? Annul the marriage and move on. FAST.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

re-read what you wrote. What would you tell a person who wrote this?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He's physically abusive, emotionally abusive, an alcoholic, a cheater and has anger issues.

You've been married 2 months.

Get an annullment. 

RUN, baby girl. Fast as you can.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

kick this guy to the curb.

You shoulda left the trash out the first time you cleaned house with him. But you took him back... ( I didn't really see why) .

Yes, you could try to work it out, but this one... just screams mistake all over it. I feel that you will be miserable for years if you try to stick with this one. Make him go back to his parents house where you found him.

You've got enough of your own problems/issues to deal with. Why would you want to take on such a challenge as this guy? Why did you marry him? & don't say "because I was in love with him". Sounds like you were in love with the idea of someone loving you. & clearly, he doesn't truly love you.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I think the first trouble sign was likely that he was a 30 + year old man who is unemployed and still lives with his parents. That he was drunk and physically abusive to boot, yikes. 

My guess is ultimately, he wants to recreate that dynamic, where he has no responsibilities and is free to do what he wants. He resents having to be an adult and having to work. 

Given his behavior, I'd say he's likely fallen off the wagon, even if he's gotten slightly better at hiding his drinking. Further, he's likely working on a EA if not a PA with the "boat" co-worker, given that he's open about searching dating sites on the home computer, showing he has no respect for boundaries or you. 

I'm usually the last one to recommend divorce, but - you gave him a chance even after he was verbally and physically abusive. Please don't give him a second chance to get physical. 

Leave.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

I guess I don't have much more to add to what the others have said except to reinforce that you really need to get away from him. He is an abuser. 

I questioned why you would marry him in the first place but I don't think that you have much self confidence. How could you if you chose him for a partner? Harsh, yes, but you need to wake up and see that he is dragging you down a scary, miserable (as you have stated) and lonely path. It will not get better and for all that few moments when he acts like a "nice guy", do they outweigh the bad ones and even if they did, why act like that at all? No, he is nothing but trouble and misery and you need put yourself first now. You do not deserve this treatment - you are better than this.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

If you feel that you can't leave, you need to seek counseling. Work out why you are in this abusive relationship and make sure you don't get into another one in the future.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> He's physically abusive, emotionally abusive, an alcoholic, a cheater and has anger issues.
> 
> You've been married 2 months.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## spite (Aug 19, 2012)

WannaRun said:


> I have been married for less than 2 months, although we have been together for over 3 1/2 years. My husband has become so ANGRY all the time at me. I just dont know what to do. I am a disabled veterand and am unable to work, but that is not new - it was the same when we met. In fact, when we first started dating, he wasnt employed (he lived with his parents and didnt even have a car....mind you we are in our early 30's). He moved in with me after 6 months. For the first 1 1/2 years we were together, he didnt work and I supported us both. In October 2010, I ended the relationship because of his drinking - itt hadnt gotten so far out of control and he had gotten physical with me while drunk. We were apart for 3 months and he stopped drinking during that time. We really had been best friends and I missed him so I gave him another chance.
> 
> Last July, we moved to another state. I guess around November/December, he just changed. All of the sudden, he was treating me as if I was his employee and making me account for every minute of my day. He started putting me down and yelling at me, threatening to leave. He stopped wanting to have sex with me. In January, I caught him on dating websites and he was having phone/internet sex with different women. I was very angry but I decided to try to work through it. Two days later, he would get extremely upset if I even brought it up - he thought I should just forget about it. I finally got him to go to couple's therapy (we went 3 times) and then he decided we couldnt afford to go anymore. We got married in June.
> 
> ...


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## spite (Aug 19, 2012)

He is a bipolar narcissist..had one.. common law. I got out..thank god.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

spite said:


> He is a bipolar narcissist..had one.. common law. I got out..thank god.


Same here only I stuck it out for 9 years only to have a child (unintentionally) and leave after 13 when I realized this was NOT the right environment to raise a child.

Read The Verbally Abusive Relationship - it will open your eyes.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

WannaRun said:


> I have been married for less than 2 months, although we have been together for over 3 1/2 years. My husband has become so ANGRY all the time at me. I just dont know what to do. I am a disabled veterand and am unable to work, but that is not new - it was the same when we met. In fact, when we first started dating, he wasnt employed (he lived with his parents and didnt even have a car....mind you we are in our early 30's). He moved in with me after 6 months. For the first 1 1/2 years we were together, he didnt work and I supported us both. In October 2010, I ended the relationship because of his drinking - itt hadnt gotten so far out of control and he had gotten physical with me while drunk. We were apart for 3 months and he stopped drinking during that time. We really had been best friends and I missed him so I gave him another chance.
> 
> Last July, we moved to another state. I guess around November/December, he just changed. All of the sudden, he was treating me as if I was his employee and making me account for every minute of my day. He started putting me down and yelling at me, threatening to leave. He stopped wanting to have sex with me. In January, I caught him on dating websites and he was having phone/internet sex with different women. I was very angry but I decided to try to work through it. Two days later, he would get extremely upset if I even brought it up - he thought I should just forget about it. I finally got him to go to couple's therapy (we went 3 times) and then he decided we couldnt afford to go anymore. We got married in June.
> 
> ...


Bi-polar????? very down on himself, takes his emotions out on you, everything is a problem. yea that sounds like pretty good charateristics of a bipolar candidate.

If you knew he was this way before why did u marry him?:scratchhead:


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Shiksa said:


> re-read what you wrote. What would you tell a person who wrote this?


To expand on Shiksa,

What would you tell your daughter to do if you had one? 

Is this the kind of relationship you would want to expose future children to?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

He disrespects you, he doesn't love you, he's probably cheating and he mistreats you.

Please leave him.


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

LEAVE. Please leave. This is not a marriage. 

And whatever you do, do NOT bring a child into a relationship like this. I made that mistake. I would also suggest counseling, it was immensely helpful for me in figuring out why I stayed with someone like that for so long.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

delirium said:


> I would also suggest counseling, it was immensely helpful for me in figuring out why I stayed with someone like that for so long.


How are you doing now post-therapy? Have you been in any relationships since?


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> How are you doing now post-therapy? Have you been in any relationships since?


I am so much happier. It honestly took me over a year after leaving him (with a lot of family support and counseling) to realize all the damage that was really done to me during 3+ years of emotional abuse. You don't realize it is abuse while it's happening, even if you know you're unhappy, they still have the ability to manipulate and control you and it's extremely hard to leave. 

I was fortunate in that my entire family knew him and could see what was going on even if I couldn't. My sister begged me to leave him for months and is the one who moved my stuff out when I finally agreed (my daughter is what pushed me to finally leave, though I wish I'd left years earlier). 

I am happy to say that I met someone AMAZING (about a year after I had left) and we were just married on April 27th this year. He couldn't be more wonderful, he is uplifting and sweet and makes me laugh and would just never do anything that would intentionally make me feel bad about myself. He is a great step-father to my daughter, and I consider myself so lucky that I left while I did and was able to find this guy. I still have a lot of lingering self esteem and trust issues and my husband helps immensely with all that. 

Sorry if this ended up super long and scatter-brained. Just woke up!


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