# she wants space but cant talk about devorce



## northan_mick (Jun 25, 2012)

hi every 1 , im mick .and im going through a reel tough time at the moment my wife turned round after the jubilee celebrations and sed she just couldn't do this any more and wants space to get her self together ,which i was blowen away by 
yes wev had sum tough times since we got engaged really.
i fell ill and recovery was almost 2 years in the time she lost 1 grand parent we then we got married then we lost our business with my family as the just threw me out( for unbelievable reasons)
i then started working again and managed to get a full time job on decent money but due to cut backs i lost 4 month ago she has then lost the last grand parent who was the matriarch of the family and was devastated .
her work life is so manic at the moment .she is the main bread winner and i now work for her . on shift work while shes on 24 hr call . 
we had a lil brake about 13month ago but we both couldn't separate at the time we were best friends who loved each other too much and still are .. 
she cant seem to give me a reason for her wanting space apart and says she will always love me . i have mentioned devorce but she wont talk about it and im stuck in this limbo just waiting for her , my family say its because we c her friends having baby's (due to my medication i know we cant have any for a few year) getting houses cars etc and were stuck in this rut at the moment . 
i adore her she made my life when i met her i live for her and every thing i do is for her .i dont want to lose her but im now staying at my grand parents house 4 days and at our home 4 days due to work and travel . i cant help feeling if i get a job closer to my grand parents house ill not be able to ever get her back .. but i need to prove we can move on together hopefully

this might be a bit all over as i am at the moment any help or advice would be much appreciated thank you for reading ,mick


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Mick,

I'm sorry you're going through this. You're dealing with a well known and frequently experienced situation called the "walkaway wife". From your post, I see no mention of abuse, drugs, infidelity or other major issues that would justify your wife's behavior. She simply wants to believe she can find someone better than you.

There's a very high chance of your wife already being in an extramarital affair. Her words (wanting space, always loving you but not being 'in love' with you, not wanting divorce right away) match those of a cheating spouse who is not sure about the outcome of her affair and wants to maintain plan A and B in parallel. This is not for certain but very much possible (more than likely)

You need to first stop blaming yourself for the situation you're in.  Your marriage is a tango of 2 people and clearly your wife has chosen the 'cowardly' act of leaving it without staying committed to her vows. That's not your fault. She's fully responsible for her action. Don't feel guilty about her wanting to leave. She's selfish and uncommitted. Her actions are proof.

You also need to investigate and find out if she's in an affair. DO NOT ASK HER. She will not give you the truth. Do not fool yourself into believing her. Find out for yourself. 

The pain you're experiencing is indeed gut wrenching and seems to have no end to it. As you read more threads around here, you'll realize that the pain will in fact fluctuate in severeness for a while and eventually subside to more tolerable levels. It's perfectly normal for you to feel betrayed, angry, sad, guilty and confused. Invite those feelings with open arms and feel them, but don't act on them.

Keep posting under this thread and you'll receive some very good advice from men who have walked in your shoes before. You're not alone.


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

I am in a similar situation. It is a rough time, but hold your head up, don't try to hurt her, and don't let her hurt you. 
Have you discussed MC or have you gone to IC for yourself?


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## northan_mick (Jun 25, 2012)

right sorry iv bin away for a while i just found things to hard . we have separated im livng with my grandfather and she is still in the flat. i caught my wife and best friend at it not long after i wrot my first message .. thing is its clear its over as hes moved into the flat . i want to get a devorce or separation started asap but iv bin informed i have to wait at least a year ... can any one shine any light on this situation i would have bin married for 2 year in September


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

northan_mick said:


> right sorry iv bin away for a while i just found things to hard . we have separated im livng with my grandfather and she is still in the flat. i caught my wife and best friend at it not long after i wrot my first message .. thing is its clear its over as hes moved into the flat . i want to get a devorce or separation started asap but iv bin informed i have to wait at least a year ... can any one shine any light on this situation i would have bin married for 2 year in September


Synthetic is also from the north country - as are many others. They can advise you how to maneuver in the northern legal system to rid yourself of your philandering wife and posOM.


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## northan_mick (Jun 25, 2012)

synthetic said:


> Mick,
> 
> I'm sorry you're going through this. You're dealing with a well known and frequently experienced situation called the "walkaway wife".
> 
> Keep posting under this thread and you'll receive some very good advice from men who have walked in your shoes before. You're not alone.


hi you posted on my thread about my situation a member has suggested i contact you as you know about the law regarding devorce in the north east .. any help wold be much appreciated. we were married in rhodes greece on the 21 sept 2010 . so its coming up to 2 year we have been apart since the week i started this thread .. regards mick


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I assume you've cut off her access to shared money credit and your paycheck?

If your name is on the lease to the flat have the OM kicked out and you move back in. If she does like it, she can leave.


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## northan_mick (Jun 25, 2012)

the flat is her farther's i have had to pack my job in for the time been im going in a different direction in life . she was my boss and i couldn't cope with seeing her or taking calls from her telling me where my next assignment was . pluss iv had to move 50 mile away and driving 50 mile after 12hr shifts in my state of mind was not a good idea .

i have nothing of value in the flat as i took most of it with me a few weeks ago . i have set up my mail to be redirected and as soon as the letters turn up i will start to cancel the phone tv etc . i just need a bit info on how to go about seeking legal aid and if my situation would be a straight forward devorce she has already mentiond i can name him as a reason, and have spoke to his wife who is already a step ahead of me naming my wife as a reason for there devorce ..


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