# Question for married men



## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

If your "goal" is to get more attention, affection and kinky sex from your wife why would you give her the cold shoulder, be mean to everybody in the house and threaten to divorce, sell house etc? I feel like he's pushing me further away


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

Not enough info here to work with.


Im going to assume you cut him off a while back and resentment has set in.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Yup...not enough info.
However....maybe because he feels that he has been pushed into a corner - maybe you haven't given him what he needs etc - and now he's biting back.....

For years my wife pushed me aside sexually....saying she wasnt interested...why should she do something she doesnt like doing...calling me a sick pervert for wanting oral...etc etc.

She has made me SO resentful that I no longer have any interest in her sexually or otherwise. Even if she offered (yeah right!) to blow me to completion I wouldn't be in the slightest bit interested.

Just sayin......


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

passive aggressive tantrum.

not getting what I want, so I pout and act out


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

hbgirl said:


> If your "goal" is to get more attention, affection and kinky sex from your wife why would you give her the cold shoulder, be mean to everybody in the house and threaten to divorce, sell house etc? I feel like he's pushing me further away


He's insecure.

How about just accepting a divorce?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Or he's getting what he wanted somewhere else...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

In his mind he's been "cut off" as you put it. The thing is he's never satisfied. He says I always get what i want and he doesn't get anything he wants. The thing is I never ask him to do anything he's not comfortable with and have always been content until he does this over and over again. He's building resentment and pushing me away instead of what he's supposedly trying to do.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Manipulation to get one's way is not a good approach in a happy marriage.


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## bild-a-loco (Jan 22, 2014)

Not knowing your whole situation, maybe he's been asking you to do things, or for attention, or he's been feeling neglected, for a long time and it's finally just gotten to him? 

That's kind of the boat I'm in right now, my wife's just kind of exhibited a long term pattern of taking me for granted, and now I feel very distant from her. Perhaps something similar has occurred there? If he's like me, he may have reached a point where he's just "put his shields up" to defend himself from being hurt again and again and this is making him seem distant. Don't know. :scratchhead: 

Good luck tho, always hate to hear of problems like this.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Resentment. Given up. Done. Over it. Checked out. Moved on.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

hbgirl said:


> In his mind he's been "cut off" as you put it. *The thing is he's never satisfied.* He says I always get what i want and he doesn't get anything he wants. The thing is I never ask him to do anything he's not comfortable with and have always been content until he does this over and over again. He's building resentment and pushing me away instead of what he's supposedly trying to do.


What have you done to try to satisfy him? What is he wanting you to do? I'm not saying you haven't tried, I'm asking because I don't know your situation. Saying someone is never satisfied is basically telling them they are wrong. That their desires are wrong or don't matter. Certainly there are times when someones wants are excessive, but I think it would help us to know what it would take to satisfy him. 

For example my ex said I was "never satisfied", but what SHE thought should satisfy me was sex once every 1-2 weeks. She was right I was "never satisfied" because that simply wasn't enough for me and even when we had sex there was a let's get this over with attitude.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

I would guess its resentment, but there are two sides to every story, whats the underlying issue that sex became less than desirable?


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

9 * 2 * 10.
Maybe.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

"Not enough info here at all.........





.........but here's a bunch of advice based on my assumptions filling in all the gaps."


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## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

My post from 2011 can give you a little history, this is what he wants. Just me is NEVER EVER good enough so forgive me if I'm not in "the mood" very often......End of long work day not feeling well & the thought of taking a nap makes me smile. That smile quickly vanishes as I'm coerced into "getting ready" for what he wants. Two hours later, in full costume and camera ready to record it starts....1st several objects inserted fast & furious until I was crying and his excitement grows. 2nd he pleasures himself inside me while I feel like I'm being torn inside. Finally he gets his way and inserts fists fast, hard as my tears and cries become loud & I begin to worry about my kids hearing and he's satisfied at last. The next day I ache inside in every way possible and he's mad because I'm grouchy


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

Loose weight, get friends, hang out a lil more, dress a lil better, and stop being a slave to wife/kids. You will get what you desire. I stopped being a good guy and it has done wonders for me. And a lil arrogance and swag wont hurt either. 


Good luck.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

homedepot said:


> Loose weight, get friends, hang out a lil more, dress a lil better, and stop being a slave to wife/kids. You will get what you desire. I stopped being a good guy and it has done wonders for me. And a lil arrogance and swag wont hurt either.
> 
> 
> Good luck.


 See that dot over on the horizon? That's the boat. You missed it, with regards to this thread. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

hbgirl said:


> My post from 2011 can give you a little history, this is what he wants. Just me is NEVER EVER good enough so forgive me if I'm not in "the mood" very often......End of long work day not feeling well & the thought of taking a nap makes me smile. That smile quickly vanishes as I'm coerced into "getting ready" for what he wants. Two hours later, in full costume and camera ready to record it starts....1st several objects inserted fast & furious until I was crying and his excitement grows. 2nd he pleasures himself inside me while I feel like I'm being torn inside. Finally he gets his way and inserts fists fast, hard as my tears and cries become loud & I begin to worry about my kids hearing and he's satisfied at last. The next day I ache inside in every way possible and he's mad because I'm grouchy


Your H has a serious problem. He enjoys hurting you. Since you don't get off on what sounds like pretty awful pain inflicted inside your vagina, this is definitely not for you. 

Without going into it, your H needs therapy. You need to be treated with understanding. It doesn't sound like you are denying him, you are just being treated like an object to inflict pain on and video it.

If he does not get help and get better, are you willing to be abused for his sick need to hurt you on video for the rest of your life? You are right to worry about your children as well.

He hurts you to the point of crying and thinks it is funny? Gets off on it? It might be hard emotionally, but I think you can do better than that. Has he always been eager to rip you up inside?


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Use some of the gear on him. Then he can relate. You're a human being and a woman, not a pin cushion. Give him a taste.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

hbgirl said:


> If your "goal" is to get more attention, affection and kinky sex from your wife why would you give her the cold shoulder, be mean to everybody in the house and threaten to divorce, sell house etc? I feel like he's pushing me further away


Not sure, but from reading your other post your H really needs to understand your point of view. He is selfish and uncaring. These traits are bad in a spouse.

If he is pushing you away and threatening you, then he is likely trying to manipulate you to doing what he wants. He wants you to beg.

Try to keep it in mind that love and sex are suppose to make you feel good, wanted, and desired. Not like an old toy. I hate to see anybody treated this badly.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

bild-a-loco said:


> Not knowing your whole situation, maybe he's been asking you to do things, or for attention, or he's been feeling neglected, for a long time and it's finally just gotten to him?
> 
> *That's kind of the boat I'm in right now, my wife's just kind of exhibited a long term pattern of taking me for granted, and now I feel very distant from her. Perhaps something similar has occurred there? If he's like me, he may have reached a point where he's just "put his shields up" to defend himself from being hurt again and again and this is making him seem distant. *Don't know. :scratchhead:
> 
> Good luck tho, always hate to hear of problems like this.


This. 

This is a much stronger impact than any rejector understands.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

hbgirl said:


> My post from 2011 can give you a little history, this is what he wants. Just me is NEVER EVER good enough so forgive me if I'm not in "the mood" very often......End of long work day not feeling well & the thought of taking a nap makes me smile. That smile quickly vanishes as I'm coerced into "getting ready" for what he wants. Two hours later, in full costume and camera ready to record it starts....1st several objects inserted fast & furious until I was crying and his excitement grows. 2nd he pleasures himself inside me while I feel like I'm being torn inside. Finally he gets his way and inserts fists fast, hard as my tears and cries become loud & I begin to worry about my kids hearing and he's satisfied at last. The next day I ache inside in every way possible and he's mad because I'm grouchy


Well, that certainly sounds excessive. Now my question would be why do you care if he leaves? He's hurting you for his amusement. I don't think you can ever satisfy someone who wants to do that.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

thats some crazy $hit your husbands does! way out of the normal zone in my mind.

my advice is to leave him. I wouldn't even leave my dog with this guy I think he has some serious mental problems.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Please take charge of your life, don't let him use you in any way you don't enjoy. No sex is better than being used as disposable sex doll. I am trying to be kind here, but your description of what he does to you makes me just want to separate you from him. I know this is a marriage forum, and we all try to make the best of our marriages and make them better. But just imagine for a moment what it would be like if somebody actually cared and wanted to make you feel really good.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Couples can fall into a trap of "I want X, Y, Z or I'll divorce you." and "Well, I want A, B, C. Give me those and you'll get X, Y, Z." "I'll only give you A, B, C if I get X, Y, Z first." And nobody makes the first move that would improve things for the couple as a whole.

That said, your husband's X, Y, Z is apparently to rape you. If you're not into that, there is no A, B or C that could ever justify it, either before or after. Get out.


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

hbgirl said:


> If your "goal" is to get more attention, affection and kinky sex from your wife why would you give her the cold shoulder, be mean to everybody in the house and threaten to divorce, sell house etc? I feel like he's pushing me further away


I behaved like this towards my STBXW but it was after years if trying to get her to change. I started giving her the cold shoulder after I finally realized she was never going to change. I filed shortly thereafter and started dating someone more in-tune with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

Wel, we asked for more info...:-O!!

That sounds very twisted, deviant. Yikes.


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## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

Somebody has been watching too much german porn. if both parties aren't into that sort of thing than to me that is just plain old abuse and not normal at all. So he is giving you the cold shoulder for not allowing him to hurt and torture you.

The most extreme I've ever done is pull my wife's hair (after she begged me to start doing it)

He is treating you like an object.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Lord Summerisle said:


> Somebody has been watching too much german porn. if both parties aren't into that sort of thing than to me that is just plain old abuse and not normal at all. So he is giving you the cold shoulder for not allowing him to hurt and torture you.
> 
> The most extreme I've ever done is pull my wife's hair (after she begged me to start doing it)
> 
> He is treating you like an object.


Totally unrelated, love the avatar and screen name. Great movie.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

He's been doing this since 2011 and you haven't done a thing about it, meaning you're still there. He takes this as a sign that no matter what he does, you won't leave.

Got news for you... until you leave (or die from an internal hemorrhage), it's going to continue.

Think about that.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Chris Taylor said:


> YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
> 
> He's been doing this since 2011 and you haven't done a thing about it, meaning you're still there. He takes this as a sign that no matter what he does, you won't leave.
> 
> ...


Pretty much. I get so frustrated with people who will put up with anything and make excuse after excuse about why their sh!tty spouse does sh!tty things to them. He/she really does love me! But I still love him/her! Well maybe I don't know what love is, but I never in a million years would have thought it was hitting you, or ramming my fist in you until your pillow was covered in tears, or pushing you down a flight of stairs, or burning you with a cigarette because you back talked. The worst part is usually the abused person thinks it's their fault and that's what they deserve.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
> 
> He's been doing this since 2011 and you haven't done a thing about it, meaning you're still there. He takes this as a sign that no matter what he does, you won't leave.
> 
> ...


Yes lets blame the victim, like all those women who were "asking for it" by having vaginas and wearing clothing outside of the house. Did you even read what you wrote? Making me sick a little


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

hbgirl said:


> My post from 2011 can give you a little history, this is what he wants. Just me is NEVER EVER good enough so forgive me if I'm not in "the mood" very often......End of long work day not feeling well & the thought of taking a nap makes me smile. That smile quickly vanishes as I'm coerced into "getting ready" for what he wants. Two hours later, in full costume and camera ready to record it starts....1st several objects inserted fast & furious until I was crying and his excitement grows. 2nd he pleasures himself inside me while I feel like I'm being torn inside. Finally he gets his way and inserts fists fast, hard as my tears and cries become loud & I begin to worry about my kids hearing and he's satisfied at last. The next day I ache inside in every way possible and he's mad because I'm grouchy


He sounds like a nut.....Things like this dont get fixed without intense therapy imo. Sorry to be blunt, but no one should be subjected to that unless it is what they want. Where is he getting these ideas? Fisting, recording? I dont get it thats just weird.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

After years of this treatment she does bear some blame. That does not in any way make it ok, but there does come a point when staying is giving tacit approval. It's a little different than a woman being raped at random. No one is saying the OP asking for it, but she is the only one who can stop it too.

As far as her not meeting his needs. His "needs" are ****ing rediculous. No sane person would want to do that to an unwilling partner. 

OP no one deserves to be treated this way. Do yourself and your kids a favor and get out. Are these his children btw?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

hbgirl said:


> If your "goal" is to get more attention, affection and kinky sex from your wife why would you give her the cold shoulder, be mean to everybody in the house and threaten to divorce, sell house etc? I feel like he's pushing me further away



I wouldn't. But i don't think that is the question you are really asking. What is your real question
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stoney1215 (Jun 18, 2012)

Paladin said:


> Yes lets blame the victim, like all those women who were "asking for it" by having vaginas and wearing clothing outside of the house. Did you even read what you wrote? Making me sick a little



She is not a victim. Unless she is being forced against her will , which is rape and should be reported to the police. She had chosen to stay in this relationship for years. If she does not want to have the kind of sex she has been having she does not have to and should not do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Paladin said:


> Yes lets blame the victim, like all those women who were "asking for it" by having vaginas and wearing clothing outside of the house. Did you even read what you wrote? Making me sick a little


Sorry I'm late getting back to this. It's not her fault that this guy does this, it's her fault for allowing it to continue. At some point in time (ideally after the first incident), she should have walked. Period. 

Staying in these situations sends a message to the abuser that his/her behavior is not worthy of ending the relationship.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

I can not believe no one is challenging these misguided statements about sexual assault and domestic violence. Please take some time to educate yourselves about this kind of abuse before you continue to make statements like "its her fault," "if she doesn't like it she should leave," "she is not a victim," "she is choosing this."

The question should be "why is he sexually assaulting her?" not "why doesn't she just get up and leave?" 


I know TAM can do better than that. Here is a blurb from an article that relates to this issue



> A common mistake in understanding domestic violence is to scrutinize the survivor and avoid looking at the perpetrator. People believe that if battered women REALLY wanted to leave they could just get up and go. Many people overlook the environmental barriers that prevent women from leaving and too often focus on psychological "characteristics" of women instead. Although men’s violence is the crucial question,many people wonder why women stay –and advocates of battered women have made the following suggestions.
> 
> Some battered women are held prisoner in their own homes. Assailants use psychological terrorism and abuse to break down the victims' will to resist and bring them under control. A worthwhile model is the "Stockholm Syndrome", which describes how those who are taken hostage begin to identify with,become attached to,and take the side of their captors as survival reactions to life-threatening situations. Batterers employ knowledge gained in an intimate relationship to attack the woman's spirit,her sense of self worth and thus her ability to resist. Sexual abuse and domination are particularly degrading to the spirit and weaken the capacity to resist. Torture and murder of pets -particularly those special to the woman - is also not unusual


I will edit in the link in a min, on my phone at the moment...

http://www.stopviolence.com/domviol/whytheystay.htm


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Paladin...you must not read around here much, that attitude is pervasive here at TAM.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

You both need professional help. Him for understanding why he wants to physically hurt someone he supposedly loves, and you for allowing him to do it.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

I realize this is very touchy and I don't want to come across like I don't care. I do. I hate that he does this to her. I think he's a special kind of sicko, and I have no sympathy at all for him. 

That being said, there is another pervasive attitude here at TAM: You can't change someone else, only yourself. Just like any other situation you either accept this is how it is or grow yourself and move on. It seems different because he is physically hurting her, but in the end the advice is the same. It's really the only advice we can give. Telling her he's an ass isn't going to help her. Telling her she's a victim isn't going to help her. Telling her she needs to get out is really the only thing that MIGHT help. But I know how abuse cases work too, and I don't have much hope that she will until SHE decides she deserves better. Very sad.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

My mother taught me that if a man hits me or abuses me ONE time that it was MY JOB to make sure there was not a second time. I should run, not walk away from the person and never look back.

I think it's when the abused gives a second chance that is when the cycle starts. I do have formal training in this area and I do understand the abuse cycle. She is the victim, no doubt about it. But she also is also the ONLY one who can stop it. There are resources, she just needs the empowerment to utilize them. There are only two scenarios where this situation ends.

1) she leaves
2) one of them is no longer living


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Abusers are just like everyone else, they do what they are allowed to do. My W's first husband was physically abusive. I hate that she went through that, but at the same time she stayed. She tolerated it. Hell she did even more to try to please him. I get it. I know she was conditioned from childhood to accept that kind of treatment. I know she stayed because she didn't think she deserved better, she had kids with him, and a million other reasons. Everyone told her to leave him, he's going to kill you, and on and on. But she was the only one who could decide enough was enough. It sucks that that's the way it is, but it's reality. Even now when she complains about him not doing this or that with their kids, first thought in my head is you should have been more careful who you had kids with.


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## dykdeuykdek (Jul 9, 2014)

Not enough info here to work with.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

*Re: Re: Question for married men*



where_are_we said:


> My mother taught me that if a man hits me or abuses me ONE time that it was MY JOB to make sure there was not a second time. I should run, not walk away from the person and never look back.
> 
> I think it's when the abused gives a second chance that is when the cycle starts. I do have formal training in this area and I do understand the abuse cycle. She is the victim, no doubt about it. But she also is also the ONLY one who can stop it. There are resources, she just needs the empowerment to utilize them. There are only two scenarios where this situation ends.
> 
> ...


I dont know what kind of experience you have with sexual and domestic abuse cases, particularly when a female is being abused, but saying she is the only one who can stop it, and saying she is "allowing, excusing, and refusing to change it" are two completely different things.

This thread is not very long. Read the replies and see how many of them are blaming her for the situation. See how many said she was not a victim. Its disgusting, and needs to be called out. Even after I posted a short and easy to read article about the issue, the ignorant attitudes about abuse and blaming the victim for the situation continue to be expressed.

I sent a request to TAM moderators to have this thread reported the the authorities. If its a troll, some comeuppance is in order, if its real, she needs help and IMO her descriptions of the situation can be viewed as life threatening.


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## hbgirl (Feb 15, 2011)

*Re: Question for married men-UPDATE*

I stay because I blame myself. I shouldn't have went along with his demands for so many years to keep the peace in our house. Now each time I don't give in to his demand he plays the kids, tells them I don't love him, we're going to sell everything, your mother is evil, etc. The most recent started because he wanted me to take pornographic pictures of myself and send them to him. How can you have any respect for your wife and ask her to do this? I told him there are several things I've done (and shouldn't have) but I'd like to make it right now. His reply is I must have another man taking care of me...WHAT?!?! That's absolutely insane.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

hbgirl, I really sympathise with you and my advice (like that of so many other TAM members here) would be to pack up your kids and leave this man. However, I do appreciate that this is much easier said than done when you have children that you're responsible for. Bringing up kids solo is difficult and if you've never experienced what it's like it can seem overwhelming and impossible. You have to provide for your kids - accommodation, food, education, the wherewithall to make sure they are able to take advantage of the opportunities that are presented to them as they grow up - that's a big enough job for two parents, let alone one. 

However, it is possible - I brought up my two kids alone in the UK from when the oldest was just a baby - I elected to remain single when I had another child. Yes, it was tough - accommodation was hard to afford and we moved on average twice a year over more than 20 years. However, my kids grew up happy and healthy. They were loved beyond reason, they ate healthy food (and learned about healthy eating), they had a great education, they were able to take advantages of most of the opportunities that came their way (although it was tough financially and I often went without myself in a big way), they've both had a university education and now have good jobs. They also have great relationships with their partners. The oldest is married and my son in law is an absolute dream man - I love him as much as I love my own kids and he's a great husband and brilliant father to their baby. Yes, it was difficult, yes I went without - would I do it any other way? No - I have a great relationship with my kids and I know that they will have much easier lives than I have had. Am I unhappy about the way my life has been - No again - I have wonderful children and grandchildren and any other issue in my life fades into the background compared with how important my kids are to me. 

So, take heart - you may live a life of poverty if you leave your husband, but you will have peace of mind and the most important love of all, the love between you and your children.

I know it will seem difficult, but you're being abused. This goes beyond a bit of firm or rough sex - this is physical abuse. Please get out now if you possibly can and take your kids with you.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

*Re: Question for married men-UPDATE*



hbgirl said:


> I stay because I blame myself. I shouldn't have went along with his demands for so many years to keep the peace in our house. Now each time I don't give in to his demand he plays the kids, tells them I don't love him, we're going to sell everything, your mother is evil, etc. The most recent started because he wanted me to take pornographic pictures of myself and send them to him. How can you have any respect for your wife and ask her to do this? I told him there are several things I've done (and shouldn't have) but I'd like to make it right now. His reply is I must have another man taking care of me...WHAT?!?! That's absolutely insane.


Umm...consider divorce??

I would get the kids and yourself away from this dude, pronto. Tell him he needs to get help.

This is some messed up situation. Honestly, why are you staying with him?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

hbgirl... your relationship is warped, sick.

Please consider professional counseling as well as meeting with an attorney.

What are you possibly hoping to gain by posting here for years without attempting to change your situation?

Your marriage is toxic...


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

WTF?


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

I read 1st page and I am done. You let him fist you? You rock but I wouldn't want to do that to my wife tho.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

*Re: Question for married men-UPDATE*



hbgirl said:


> I stay because I blame myself. I shouldn't have went along with his demands for so many years to keep the peace in our house. Now each time I don't give in to his demand *he plays the kids*, tells them I don't love him, we're going to sell everything, your mother is evil, etc. The most recent started because he wanted me to take pornographic pictures of myself and send them to him. How can you have any respect for your wife and ask her to do this? I told him there are several things I've done (and shouldn't have) but I'd like to make it right now. His reply is I must have another man taking care of me...WHAT?!?! That's absolutely insane.


This sounds so abusive. Using the kids as a tool to beat up on you? This is no way to fight fair! 

I agree, the picture request does not sound respectful. And if you complied I would expect him to use the pictures against you (once they are in his control, you never know what he may do with them .. can't trust him).

His accusation of having another man taking care of you is also an attempt to put blame on you and control you. More abuse. 

He needs to be put back in place and stop abusing you. If he can't, then it is time for you to take action - you are the only person you have control over. I rarely suggest this sort of thing, but for you I would suggest you take action .. and get out of harms way.


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## MrsFrench (Sep 9, 2014)

*Re: Question for married men-UPDATE*



hbgirl said:


> I stay because I blame myself. I shouldn't have went along with his demands for so many years to keep the peace in our house. Now each time I don't give in to his demand he plays the kids, tells them I don't love him, we're going to sell everything, your mother is evil, etc. The most recent started because he wanted me to take pornographic pictures of myself and send them to him. How can you have any respect for your wife and ask her to do this? I told him there are several things I've done (and shouldn't have) but I'd like to make it right now. His reply is I must have another man taking care of me...WHAT?!?! That's absolutely insane.


So, the fisting and penetrating you with random objects until you cry, liking it, and video taping it - you're cool with, but him wanting nudes is disrespectful? Is this post legit? I've only been here a handful of days, but this comment:


hbgirl said:


> My post from 2011 can give you a little history, this is what he wants. Just me is NEVER EVER good enough so forgive me if I'm not in "the mood" very often......End of long work day not feeling well & the thought of taking a nap makes me smile. That smile quickly vanishes as I'm coerced into "getting ready" for what he wants. Two hours later, in full costume and camera ready to record it starts....1st several objects inserted fast & furious until I was crying and his excitement grows. 2nd he pleasures himself inside me while I feel like I'm being torn inside. Finally he gets his way and inserts fists fast, hard as my tears and cries become loud & I begin to worry about my kids hearing and he's satisfied at last. The next day I ache inside in every way possible and he's mad because I'm grouchy


... is hands down the most crazy thing I have read thus far.


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## MrsFrench (Sep 9, 2014)

Personal said:


> My wife enjoys being fisted, we only do this on limited occasion since she has to be in the mood and it requires plenty of lead up activity as well. This also has to be done carefully with a considerable amount of communication involved. It is also worth noting that I am not always keen to do this, since it isn't always easy on my wrist.
> 
> For some of us fisting is simply just another item in the toolbox of sex.
> 
> ...


The biggest hands bit made me crack up. But, I think I would probably die if H attempted to fist me, I'm a tiny person. LOL.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

*Re: Question for married men-UPDATE*



hbgirl said:


> I stay because I blame myself. I shouldn't have went along with his demands for so many years to keep the peace in our house. Now each time I don't give in to his demand he plays the kids, tells them I don't love him, we're going to sell everything, your mother is evil, etc. The most recent started because he wanted me to take pornographic pictures of myself and send them to him. How can you have any respect for your wife and ask her to do this? I told him there are several things I've done (and shouldn't have) but I'd like to make it right now. His reply is I must have another man taking care of me...WHAT?!?! That's absolutely insane.


How old are the kids? God this is wrong for me to even think but, if they are old enough to understand, next time I would be tempted to tell them exactly WHY he thinks you don't love him.

Ok, so you did some things you didn't want to do. That doesn't mean you have to do them forever. It really is that simple. 

What is your H like in areas outside the bedroom? If you don't cook dinner does he pull the same sh1t? Or is it just when it involves using you as his own personal porn star? Do you tell him it hurts? Do you tell him it crushes you emotionally that he WANTS and LIKES to hurt you? I know it should be obvious from your reactions, but he may be so warped from violent porn that he actually thinks women enjoy being hurt like that. Not that I really think it will matter to him or that he doesn't already know, but I guess it's worth a shot. You know my vote is leave him and don't look back. But if you're not ready to do that, sit him down and really lay it out in plain terms he can understand. This DOES NOT feel good in any way. It ONLY hurts. This DOES NOT make me feel loved or valued by you. This DOES NOT cause me to have feelings of love for you, and it certainly is NOT me showing you I love you. That was me going along with something YOU wanted because I didn't want you to throw a fit and because I felt like I had to for you to love me. I did not like it the first time, the last time or any of the times in between.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

*Re: Question for married men-UPDATE*



I Don't Know said:


> How old are the kids? God this is wrong for me to even think but, if they are old enough to understand, next time I would be tempted to tell them exactly WHY he thinks you don't love him.
> 
> No, don't tell the kids - it's not fair to them. Children don't need to know any details of their parents' sex life and will be horrified by it, whatever your sexual practices are. It would be inappropriate to discuss your sex life with them.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

*Re: Question for married men-UPDATE*



doobie said:


> I Don't Know said:
> 
> 
> > How old are the kids? God this is wrong for me to even think but, if they are old enough to understand, next time I would be tempted to tell them exactly WHY he thinks you don't love him.
> ...


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

*Re: Question for married men-UPDATE*



I Don't Know said:


> doobie said:
> 
> 
> > No I agree and wouldn't actually do it. But if he wants to use the kids to guilt her maybe some guilting of his own is in order. Not the kids but maybe his family or friends?
> ...


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP, As I read this I am in somewhat a state of awe. If you are not exaggerating in your post then there is something seriously wrong with your husband. Does he know how you feel about this? You said you sometimes cry and he is okay with this? Do you cry from the pain or do you cry from the embarrassment and frustration of what your doing. Does he think you are "acting" for the camera? I am a fairly large man and if I ever fisted my wife there would be a significant amount of blood involved and probably a trip to the hospital. If he knows you are in real pain and continues anyway, then he needs serious help and you would be wise to get away from him. Also, in regards to what some have said about it being your fault; I believe what they are saying is "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". I do not believe anyone should be subjected to that kind of abuse and they are saying to you stop letting yourself be. That can be monumentally more difficult to do than it is to say, I understand that but it really falls to you and how much you can stand. I feel deep sorrow for you and wish you every good thing.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Therapy...


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Q tip said:


> Therapy...


Yes serious couples therapy needed here!


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