# Do you ever wonder if you did the right thing in filing for divorce?



## SilverPanther (Feb 2, 2012)

I know if I sat here and described my situation (I have in past threads) and asked you if you think I should regret my decision, you would most likely all say no. Everyone is supportive of me. Friends, family, priests, pastors, no one I have gone to has felt I would be in the wrong to seek legal divorce from my crazy husband.

But what really eats away at me is he forced me to be the one to file. He treated me like dirt, he was cruel, selfish, deceptive and mentally unbalanced. He had no interest whatsoever in changing himself, believing any and all blame for our marriage's failures rests on my shoulders. For months I was pretty much living in hell. It was so clear he wasn't really serious about working on our marriage, but kept demanding it was up to me to crawl to him. He even told me he was going to leave me if I didn't come running asap. But in the end, I had to be the one to tell him it's over and done with. I had to be the one to tell him I'm not giving him another chance because I can't trust him. And I had to be the one to get a lawyer and file a divorce.

I took action. It's just what I do. But in the this case I took an action I had never believed I would. I believed marriage was forever, and for months I wanted to die because I believed since I had chosen my husband, this was my bed now I had to sleep in it. 

And even though things were so bad, and I felt so scared and miserable and broken because of him, I do still ask myself all the time, should I have given him another chance? Should I have given it more time? Should I have tried other things?

Do others ask themselves these things? If so, how do you deal with these questions? If not, how do you feel so certain you have done the right thing?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

sure, i asked myself the same questions.

but i looked back at all the things she did and all the chances i gave her and realize, i made the right choice.

i wasnt going to have her keep doing the same things and keep giving her just one more time and have it go on and on.

there had to be a time for it to stop.

if you can look back and see that you did all you could and things just kept repeating, you did the right thing. no sense to keep beating yourself up about it.

i figure in a situation like yours, the bed you made is not the bed youre in now.

he changed the rules, so must face the out come.


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## SilverPanther (Feb 2, 2012)

Yeah...and truthfully, while he forced me to be the one to say it's over and take action, there were actions all along the way he could have taken, or done differently, that would have changed the outcome. Even after I felt sure things were over, had he really seriously wanted to change things and work at reconciling, I still had an open mind to it. But he wasn't interested unless I did everything on his terms, and since it was clear he still thought I was scum of the earth and that I should be crawling to him, his terms just weren't going to get us anywhere.

I know that. And I know that he still has my number, he still knows where I am if he had a change of heart, and I havent heard from him at all in over a month, no way to contact him, etc. Sometimes its just hard to believe I'm where I am right now, and I keep thinking I must have really tripped and fallen down into a big hole as I was going along. I feel like I should have been able to prevent this somehow...but I also realize that some things I just don't have control over.


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