# Advice Please



## sas (May 19, 2010)

I am trying to ensure that I have my feelings and emotions in check. This is my second marriage and my first ended based upon trust and infidelity on her part. So one coming from that carries some emotional baggage. 

Recently my second wife went of travel and met up with some female co-workers. They went out drinking together to burn off a little steam, something I think nothing of. 

Well the following evening she tells me that the met up with a male co-worker as well and ended up going to his room hoping for a mini-bar. He ended up pulling the sofa bed out and she and a female coworker crashed on the sofa bed and another in the bed with him (clothed). She text me that evening she was going to bed that evening, but it wasn't her hotel bed. 

"I have a personnel rule, married you make it back to your bed hell or high water."

Now she tells me that nothing happen, and that she new she was sleeping on the sofa bed, but when they woke up they felt it was so wrong at so many levels. 

This does upset me, it damages my trust, and I question if she new where she was, but so drunk she didn't think it was wrong then how can one think she didn't think everything else through. How does one know that she didn't just pass out and get taken advantage of? And many more questions. 

We spoke of this over the phone, and I expressed my appreciation that she told me the situation. I expressed that I was disappointed and that she put her career at risk and we should discuss further upon her return. 

She has no past history of doing something so stupid, but I am hurt, and concerned for her and it hurts that this damages the ultimate trust I had in her. This pushed me to question her state of mind when she goes drinking.. 

Feedback is appreciated.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

After reading your post I can see why you would have trust issues because of your previous marriage. But from my point of view, nothing wrong happened. She was up-front and honest with you, she could have just as easily not told you. 

I know if I were her and you jumped on me for that, I'd be pretty darn upset at you. Your current wife from what I have read has given you no reason not to trust her implicitly. You are (understandably) using your previous experiences to shade your view of the situation. I personally don't see any issue or problem with what she did. Both my wife and I have done pretty much the same thing before and we thought nothing of it. She's never given me any reason not to utterly trust her, so I do. I know when I was in San Francisco on business once a female co-worker stayed in my hotel room because she couldn't stand to be alone, she just wanted company. My wife had no problem with it either because I've never given her a reason to not trust me.

So honestly, if roles were reversed and I was your wife you would need to prepare for a big discussion about trust.


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## sas (May 19, 2010)

Crypsys said:


> So honestly, if roles were reversed and I was your wife you would need to prepare for a big discussion about trust.


Can you elaborate a bit about your last comment? Are you saying that my wife should be prepared for a big discussion about trust or that because of something I said during our call I would have to? 

Sorry. 

I appreciate your feedback, and the whole reason that I had to seek some outside few points as my few points are a bit tainted and it unfair to my current wife not to check them before discussing.


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