# Feeling justified but no one to talk to



## drifting_alone (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi all,

Been married nearly 13 years, 2 kids (9 & 7 years old), eldest has high functioning autism. I am a recovering alcoholic with almost 7 months up. Wife gave up her job to be a full time mother 9 years ago.

So where to begin...for years now we have been drifting apart. We are close but more like best friends than husband and wife. She has no sex drive, mine is high. Sex maybe once a month for the past 4 years, maybe more. She drinks almost daily and neglects everything else. The kids are left to their own devices while she drinks the night away. She says she wants to go back to work, has great plans but nothing ever gets done. Like for at least 3 years. 

I have lost all respect for this woman. I no longer care about sex with her, Redtube is my friend. I have been very unhappy, on medication now and the kids can tell.

I am on the verge of leaving, finding a place nearby so that I can see the kids as much as possible and getting on with my life.

Am I going insane or does this marriage sound like a joke to others? I have no one to talk to about this so am reaching out to you all...

Thanks.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sounds pretty similar to my marriage, except my wife had no plans. She was content to work in a coffee shop when it suited her.

I've been separated now for over two years, and seeing a wonderful woman for most of that. And get this... She actually LIKES sex with me!

C


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## drifting_alone (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks PBear, good to hear a nice ending. I guess I am torn because I know I am not perfect and she has been patient and kind through some tough times. Especially concerning the kids, she is a good mum apart from the neglect while drinking.

She is a "gonna" not a "do-er" in all facets of life. Her own health, work, you name it. Hard to respect or believe someone who always talks through a red wine haze and NEVER follows through.

The sex thing has been an issue for a long time and it always gets blamed on me. I am too moody, not doing enough around the house, not doing enough with the kids, she is too tired (must be real tiring sitting at home all day on the iPad). I have given up trying to instigate intimacy at all. I just end up going to bed alone every night while she sits up drinking or watching **** on TV. And bringing it up just makes her feel "pressured".

She is not a bad person, but is totally different from the woman I married. And I am different too I am sure. But I don't want to wake up in 20 years thinking, "Well, that was it. That was your one shot at life WASTED". We want different things in life I believe, I want to improve myself, challenge myself, raise our children properly, while she is happy with the status quo. ****** that. I think I know what I have to do.

We have had counseling sessions both for our marriage and sex issues, things improve for a while and then it is back to normal. I have had individual sessions too and believe that while I am not perfect, I am trying. Which is more than I can say for her.


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## LongRoadtoRuin (Apr 3, 2013)

Hi drifting. I've been married for about 12 yrs. my issues are different but like you I don't have anyone to REALLY talk to. I hardly know where to start. I'm completely new to forums.

My husband has broken every vow he took and wasn't even considerate enough to do it in one fell swoop, that by the time he got to the "forsaking all others" part it wasn't even the most painful. 

I don't think your insane or me either for that matter


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