# "women aren't that visual"...wtf?



## OrangeCrush

ladies, do you feel this way? i've seen it so many times on this board and heard it from people IRL, and i cannot imagine that being true or that anyone could believe it. 'women aren't visual creatures like men are', 'women care about other things' (implied that it's ok if a guy isn't fit or good-looking he can still pull women no problem), 'personality makes a man sexy' (i agree a good personality is a plus for _anyone_- male, female, or otherwise. but imho that has nothing to do with physical attractiveness!)

I can't believe that most women would be truly satisfied with a man who is obese/overweight, out of shape, no sense for how to dress nicely, way older (idk, i'm sure i'll find 40-year-old men attractive _when I'm 40 too_...until then, no)...because 'looks don't matter to women' or 'as long as he's got money/a sense of humor/'personality'/'he makes me feel cared for'...yeah all those things are great but he needs to be physically attractive as well, there's just no way around it. Not criticizing anyone who genuinely feels that way and looks don't matter to them- just saying I think that's an incredibly rare position and looks DO matter to most women. 

Is this a thing guys tell each other/themselves, that women care very little or not at all about how they look or how physically appealing they are? Or are women really saying that appearances don't matter? (And if women are saying it, is it really how they actually feel, or are they just saying it to not hurt someone's feelings?)

don't get me started on the double standard where if a guy wants a 'hot' woman it's totally normal and expected because 'men are visual' but if a woman has the same standards (or any standards at all for a man's looks) it's 'sooooo shallow!'


----------



## Almostrecovered

it was an 80's trend that got blown out of proportion

Billy Joel/Christie Brinkley
Dan Akroyd/Donna Dixon
Ric Ocasek/Paulina Paulovich


----------



## Faithful Wife

I started a whole thread about this topic. It went round and round and round...

Yes, it is something guys tell each other. Especially when they aren't very attractive (since attractive men would never say that looks don't matter to women, they KNOW they do matter).

No, it isn't true for women. We do care about how a man looks.

However, having said that....what each of us believes is attractive is on such a large variety, there ends up being someone who is into everyone!

Isn't that nice?


----------



## ScarletBegonias

OrangeCrush said:


> do people really believe this? ladies, do you feel this way? i've seen it so many times on this board and heard it from people IRL, and i cannot imagine that being true or that anyone could believe it.
> 
> I think it's silly (and not true in most cases), the idea that most women would be truly satisfied with a man who is obese/overweight, out of shape, no sense for how to dress nicely, way older (idk, i'm sure i'll find 40-year-old men attractive _when I'm 40 too_...until then, no)...because 'looks don't matter to women' or 'as long as he's got money/a sense of humor/'personality'/'he makes me feel cared for'...yeah all those things are great but he needs to be physically attractive as well, there's just no way around it.
> 
> Is this a thing guys tell each other/themselves, that women care very little or not at all about how they look or how physically appealing they are? Or are women really saying that appearances don't matter? (And if women are saying it, is it really how they actually feel, or are they just saying it to not hurt someone's feelings?)


Appearance matters to a point.The 3 main relationships I've had wouldn't be an indicator of that though 
One was overweight,one was old enough to be my dad but still very physically fit,and my current SO is tall,lanky,and has no muscle tone. 

I say appearance matters to a point bc they all had a lot of physical things that attracted me but their personality kept me around til the incompatibility reared its ugly head with the first two.
I think if SO gained a lot of weight,I'd still love him,cherish him,and want to be with him but I'd have to close my eyes a lot more during sex so I could remember the lanky sexy man he once was 

Looks do matter.But what is sexy to one woman may not be sexy to another which is why men might think looks don't matter.I can be attracted to a short chubby dude if he has pleasant facial features and a killer smile,just as an example.


----------



## EleGirl

When women could not earn their own income, the only way they had to ensure that they had the money to raise their children and live a life style that they wanted was to marry a man with money. So they often married unattractive men. That's why people think that women are not visual. It is of course nonsense.


----------



## OrangeCrush

EleGirl said:


> When women could not earn their own income, the only way they had to ensure that they had the money to raise their children and live a life style that they wanted was to marry a man with money. So they often married unattractive men. That's why people think that women are not visual. It is of course nonsense.


but people still believe it apparently! which makes me wonder, where are they getting it from? leftover old mindsets from 50 years ago? women telling them that looks don't matter? idk but i'm listening to a conversation in the library right now about just this. 

dude 1 talking about how he should be able to get girls 'way out of his league' and 'i deserve a hot woman even though i'm busted- girls don't care about that sh*t as long as you got personality' (exact quote!), dude 2 agreeing, and i'm like 

also, was working on a project outside in a very busy downtown market-area this weekend and could not believe how many guys were out in public wearing old ratty sweatpants, dirty wife-beaters, clothes with holes and stains, hadn't shaved in ages, looking like they rolled out of bed and went out on the street...  how are they picking up women? (or maybe they're not, idk...)

maybe it's because a few women really do like fat/older/fill-in-the-blank with something that's not considered conventionally attractive, and people hear that from one or two women and assume it's that way for everyone? i do know one girl who thinks it's quirky and cute when a guy dresses like a slob...but i pity the guy(s) who hear that from her and think 'oh cool, women like this'.


----------



## Faithful Wife

OrangeCrush...yes it is unfortunate that men actually think that. Yes, it does happen everywhere, all the time.

And when these guys CAN'T get girls who are way out of their league, they assume there is something wrong with the girls. And then they get bitter and angry, and end up alone.


----------



## Deejo

OrangeCrush said:


> dude 1 talking about how he should be able to get girls 'way out of his league' and 'i deserve a hot woman even though i'm busted- girls don't care about that sh*t as long as you got personality' (exact quote!), dude 2 agreeing, and i'm like


Let them be OC, I'm sure they will be wildly successful with women if that is their belief system.

Actually, you should encourage them. "Hell yes dude. You should totally be going for HB 9's and 10's and make them work for it."


----------



## AnnieAsh

For a long time I thought I was weird because I am intensely visual. And I kept hearing about how MEN are but women AREN'T. Now I know LOTS of women check out men and are into good-looking guys. And Annie is not a freak. She is normal!


----------



## TiggyBlue

This is something I haven't heard many woman say (or act like they aren't).
For me personally I have always been extremely visual.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Women are visual, _very visual_.
It's something I've always known since I was a teen, but I never bothered to argue with guys who thought otherwise...
It worked to my benefit.

With respect to sexual attraction, I do believe however, that women are multi dimensional and men are generally attracted to looks alone.
Women are attracted to looks , smell ,feel [ touch ] and tone of voice.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

Women are as visual or more so.

You're just better at hiding it 

men and women are much more similar than different when it comes to sexuality.

You're also more "complex" when it comes to "visual".

Men focus more on a few physical aspects (T&A for instance, although you can throw legs in there). Some men go to the hair, eyes thing, but that is low on the list.

Women...you look at EVERYTHING!! I've heard compliments like "You have the sexiest forearms I've ever seen.".....What? So are my forearms that good or is the rest of me that bad.... LOL. Hands, shoulders, etc....I've heard more compliments about my parts than my sum LOL.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Dad&Hubby...yes, hands, arms and shoulders are where we can see just how manly and muscly you are.

It isn't a mystery.


----------



## TCSRedhead

Women are visual but I think we're visual in a different way. My hubby is a very attractive man but it isn't 'seeing' him that turns me on most, it's what he says, does and how he touches me that gets things revved up.


----------



## Holland

It is just another one of those things that men tell each other because they think they know about women. Reading here it is obvious that many of them know very little about women, women's sexuality, desires, wants, needs etc. But they keep asking men for advice about women, IDK it just makes no sense.

It is a fallacy that women are not visual.


----------



## Holland

Broad shoulders, strong arms and hands, woohoo, very very sexy. Just thinking about Mr H's big strong arms makes me all weak at the knees.


----------



## ocotillo

OrangeCrush said:


> ...i cannot imagine that being true or that anyone could believe it....


It's an old saw, but I've *never* taken it to mean that women don't care what a male partner looks like. Who believes that? We all know that's not true.

I've always taken it to mean that men and women mentally process arousal differently. 

And it does seem to be true that as general demographic groups, men favor visual forms of pornography more strongly than women, while women favor literary forms of pornography more strongly than men


----------



## Cosmos

If we weren't visual we wouldn't be able to recognize, almost at a glance, what we're looking for to enhance our gene pool. There are many other factors at play, but a man who doesn't pass the initial visual attraction phase is unlikely to be explored further.


----------



## Faithful Wife

"...but a man who doesn't pass the initial visual attraction phase is unlikely to be explored further."

No, that's what game is for. So guys can try to hook up with women who have already visually rejected them. Sometimes it works, for the hookup anyway. It will not work in the long run nor will it support long term attraction. But some of these guys just want the hookup anyway.


----------



## wifenumber2

Looks get your attention when you first meet but kindness and personality keep it!


----------



## Cosmos

wifenumber2 said:


> Looks get your attention when you first meet but kindness and personality keep it!


:iagree:

And a number of other important factors, too. Intelligence, integrity and honesty - to name but a few.


----------



## CantePe

Uhm, very visual. Sorry to burst any guys bubble.


----------



## that_girl

I am visual.

However, I don't get off by looking...that's more in my mind and how I'm feeling with that person. I don't just look at someone ...wait...that's a lie. I do look at someone and get turned on--- that someone being who I'm with. If I don't get turned on, there's a problem.

But I'm visual. Hells yes.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Faithful Wife said:


> OrangeCrush...yes it is unfortunate that men actually think that. Yes, it does happen everywhere, all the time.
> 
> And when these guys CAN'T get girls who are way out of their league, they assume there is something wrong with the girls. And then they get bitter and angry, and end up alone.



Yeah, and they p$ss and moan about how women don't like nice guys, cause we all know they're just looking for a nice woman and that's all.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## just got it 55

CantePe said:


> Uhm, very visual. Sorry to burst any guys bubble.


Visual works for me  I am kinda stupid though


----------



## celestialsunberry

It's nice when my husband dresses up. Sure, it'd be cooler if he did more often, perhaps. But I don't think that'd be him, so, I'm afraid I have to say it doesn't really hit very high on the priority list. Looks are only looks.


----------



## plasmasunn

What an interesting question...After reading all these posts...I have to wonder...does "visual" equate to "shallow" in any way?

To say a woman isn't visual is just stupid. We have eyes for a reason, don't we? I also don't think we're more or less visual than men. I do believe everyone is different...but I think a guy is just as likely to go after a hot piece of tail with no brains as a woman is to go after a rich old man with gross old balls. Again, this makes me think "visual" and "shallow" are similar. 

I look at my husband's face/body and love it wholly, flaws and all. Looking at him makes me happy/aroused/peaceful, you name it. Sometimes it makes me feel rage, just depends. Judging from my hub's words and action, he has the same reactions looking at me. Thing is...basic attraction initially connected us. Neither of us are GQ/Maxim models, but to us...sh*t, may as well be. I think my husband is preposterously handsome (he doesn't see it) and he thinks I'm positively gorgeous (I don't see it)...and while that initially brought us together...that attraction certainly doesn't keep us together. As others have mentioned...if you want something that lasts, there better be some fan-dam-tastic personality traits that keep it alive. 

I have no idea why anyone would say "women aren't visual." It does seem like archaic thinking that's pretty sexist when you think about it. Almost says to me "Women just don't care! And they shouldn't! They're women!" ya know?


----------



## treyvion

lifeistooshort said:


> Yeah, and they p$ss and moan about how women don't like nice guys, cause we all know they're just looking for a nice woman and that's all.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Some of us want a real nice woman who loves to be in the sack with us.


----------



## waiwera

Well I'm a 'lights on during sex' kinda girl.
I like to see my man.

I also have the hots for the THOR actor...Chris someone.. and it's not his personality I'm looking at, that's for sure!


----------



## AnnieAsh

waiwera said:


> Well I'm a 'lights on during sex' kinda girl.
> I like to see my man.
> 
> I also have the hots for the THOR actor...Chris someone.. and it's not his personality I'm looking at, that's for sure!


Chris Hemsworth. Deeeeeeeelicious.


----------



## hookares

Faithful Wife said:


> I started a whole thread about this topic. It went round and round and round...
> 
> Yes, it is something guys tell each other. Especially when they aren't very attractive (since attractive men would never say that looks don't matter to women, they KNOW they do matter).
> 
> No, it isn't true for women. We do care about how a man looks.
> 
> However, having said that....what each of us believes is attractive is on such a large variety, there ends up being someone who is into everyone!
> 
> Isn't that nice?


Maybe some guys say this.
But a lifetime of experience has shown me that if a great looking chic (my ex), appears to fall for a very average or even less looking guy with any number of faults that some insist "don't matter" (me), she more than likely harbors alternative motives for getting involved with him and "love" is far from the equation.:bsflag:


----------



## Stella Moon

I'm visual...and own my own drool cup...


----------



## Stella Moon

...and size _does _matter...






:smthumbup:








ok I was just being silly... don't go freakin' out guys...


----------



## PreRaphaelite

Stella Moon said:


> ...and size _does _matter...


I know. That's what the women all tell me, and that they lie just to make men feel better. Yep, the size of my wallet really turns them on. Oh wait. . . .


----------



## Gruff

Total nonsense.


----------



## Suspecting

Caribbean Man said:


> With respect to sexual attraction, I do believe however, that women are multi dimensional and men are generally attracted to looks alone.


I think this is not true. Most all guys I know, me included, agree that the tone of woman's voice has a HUGE effect how sexy or attractive she is. Same with natural body scent.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Dad&Hubby said:


> Women are as visual or more so.
> 
> You're just better at hiding it
> 
> men and women are much more similar than different when it comes to sexuality.
> 
> You're also more "complex" when it comes to "visual".
> 
> Men focus more on a few physical aspects (T&A for instance, although you can throw legs in there). Some men go to the hair, eyes thing, but that is low on the list.
> 
> Women...you look at EVERYTHING!! I've heard compliments like "You have the sexiest forearms I've ever seen.".....What? So are my forearms that good or is the rest of me that bad.... LOL. Hands, shoulders, etc....I've heard more compliments about my parts than my sum LOL.


I agree with this I've complimented SO on his forearms,shoulders,his neck...the way that little muscle on the side comes out when he's umm...working out LOL

and that little dip in his waist around his hip bones.YUM!!

I've only gotten compliments from men on the major things. "I love your breasts,butt,vag,eyes,lips,shape.."


----------



## Faithful Wife

"I've only gotten compliments from men on the major things."

Really? The men in my life have been the type to compliment very small things as well as the usual things. I have found men to be able to get deep into a mental high when delving into any part of me, including my mind.


----------



## karma*girl

I think I am very visual...I learn ten times better through visual means.

During sex, I want to see what's going on- seeing the close-up details makes me super turned-on!

If he's behind me, I'm always wishing I had eyes in the back of my head to watch him & see exactly what's happening, haha!

Although, I can't say that I feel physically aroused by simply looking at a hot guy, aka, my man...although I get excited & interested, my body is not feeling horny...well, unless I'm ovulating because then I'm super sensitive to stimuli.

And I fully agree with the forearms comment, YUMMMM!!! Such a sexy part on my husband..the way the veins look, the contour of the muscle, even the soft hair..the way it travels down onto part of 
his hand...it's just masculine & it sucks me in. I love it! So, it may not make me physically all horny right then, but it does make me think of jumping him because he's hot to me...which in turn develops into aroused feelings. 

I think it's funny though, how some guys would have sex with an attractive woman only based on her looks, when personally, I'd need so much more knowledge about the guy before I let him even come near my holy grail ; ) If he was hot, I'd be thinking...damn, you're nice to look at, but are you worth my time/effort? I need more to go on that a hot body & attractive face. Maybe I'm picky!? : )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## committed4ever

karma*girl said:


> I think I am very visual...I learn ten times better through visual means.
> 
> During sex, I want to see what's going on- seeing the close-up details makes me super turned-on!
> 
> If he's behind me, I'm always wishing I had eyes in the back of my head to watch him & see exactly what's happening, haha!
> 
> Although, I can't say that I feel physically aroused by simply looking at a hot guy, aka, my man...although I get excited & interested, my body is not feeling horny...well, unless I'm ovulating because then I'm super sensitive to stimuli.
> 
> And I fully agree with the forearms comment, YUMMMM!!! Such a sexy part on my husband..the way the veins look, the contour of the muscle, even the soft hair..the way it travels down onto part of
> his hand...it's just masculine & it sucks me in. I love it! So, it may not make me physically all horny right then, but it does make me think of jumping him because he's hot to me...which in turn develops into aroused feelings.
> 
> I think it's funny though, how some guys would have sex with an attractive woman only based on her looks, when personally, I'd need so much more knowledge about the guy before I let him even come near my holy grail ; ) If he was hot, I'd be thinking...damn, you're nice to look at, but are you worth my time/effort? I need more to go on that a hot body & attractive face. Maybe I'm picky!? : )
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Everything Y'all said plus hands. LOVE my H big hands! And I know he loves it when I take his hand and play with it. 

I have a love/hate relationship with having to look up at him when we're standing and talking. I hate that I love it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VermisciousKnid

"Women aren't that visual" is a completely meaningless statement. I can't believe people are actually debating it. It's like saying the sky is blue, but it isn't THAT blue. What the heck is THAT?

I've heard it said that men are MORE visual, and that pertains to two things. One is watching porn. The other is those informal surveys that rank what qualities are important in a mate. According to those polls, men rank looks higher than women do. I don't know if those surveys are hokum. Probably.


----------



## karma*girl

Yes..big, strong hands...okay, for some weird reason, THAT made me tingle! : O
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000

Holland said:


> Broad shoulders, strong arms and hands, woohoo, very very sexy. Just thinking about Mr H's big strong arms makes me all weak at the knees.


And this is why I have to kick those guys doing curls out of my Squat Rack!!! LOL.


----------



## notperfectanymore

If I weren't visual I wouldn't want to destroy all hubbys Crocs :BoomSmilie_anim:


----------



## Suspecting

karma*girl said:


> I think it's funny though, how some guys would have sex with an attractive woman only based on her looks, when personally, I'd need so much more knowledge about the guy before I let him even come near my holy grail ; ) If he was hot, I'd be thinking...damn, you're nice to look at, but are you worth my time/effort? I need more to go on that a hot body & attractive face. Maybe I'm picky!? : )
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Some women only need to see the 'tool' and they are game. Yep, definitely visual.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Faithful Wife said:


> "I've only gotten compliments from men on the major things."
> 
> Really? The men in my life have been the type to compliment very small things as well as the usual things. I have found men to be able to get deep into a mental high when delving into any part of me, including my mind.


yup,just the major stuff.I've gotten compliments on humor,intelligence and things of a mental nature but when it comes to physical,never anything truly unique has been thrown at me.

*crying* Just ONCE i want someone to tell me I have nice forearms or that my elbows are so pretty and soft!!


----------



## Stella Moon

karma*girl said:


> I think I am very visual...I learn ten times better through visual means.
> 
> During sex, I want to see what's going on- seeing the close-up details makes me super turned-on!
> *
> If he's behind me, I'm always wishing I had eyes in the back of my head to watch him & see exactly what's happening, haha!*
> 
> Although, I can't say that I feel physically aroused by simply looking at a hot guy, aka, my man...although I get excited & interested, my body is not feeling horny...well, unless I'm ovulating because then I'm super sensitive to stimuli.
> 
> And I fully agree with the forearms comment, YUMMMM!!! Such a sexy part on my husband..the way the veins look, the contour of the muscle, even the soft hair..the way it travels down onto part of
> his hand...it's just masculine & it sucks me in. I love it! So, it may not make me physically all horny right then, but it does make me think of jumping him because he's hot to me...which in turn develops into aroused feelings.
> 
> I think it's funny though, how some guys would have sex with an attractive woman only based on her looks, when personally, I'd need so much more knowledge about the guy before I let him even come near my holy grail ; ) If he was hot, I'd be thinking...damn, you're nice to look at, but are you worth my time/effort? I need more to go on that a hot body & attractive face. Maybe I'm picky!? : )
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All you got to do is set up the mirrors...'just so' ....and there ya go... >


----------



## treyvion

Sure women are visual just as much as men. Does the visual image beat out loyalty, committment, history, priority, dependability?

I'm sure it depends.


----------



## Faithful Wife

"Does the visual image beat out loyalty, committment, history, priority, dependability?"

If the guy looks like an ape, who cares?


----------



## Faithful Wife

Or....let me put it another way....

If a man isn't physically and sexually appealing to me, I will not want his loyalty, his committment, his dependability, or to be his priority.

Luckily, there are beautiful men who ARE sexually appealing to me who ALSO have these good committment qualities.

They are not reserved for only the ape men.


----------



## treyvion

Faithful Wife said:


> Or....let me put it another way....
> 
> If a man isn't physically and sexually appealing to me, I will not want his loyalty, his committment, his dependability, or to be his priority.
> 
> Luckily, there are beautiful men who ARE sexually appealing to me who ALSO have these good committment qualities.
> 
> They are not reserved for only the ape men.


I was saying. If your wife or husband who at one time was very physically attractive to you, provided you all these qualities over the years... But he cannot keep his "single game" up to those who are not married, so he's not going to look as hot. Is a great single going to appear more desireable to compared to him or her?


----------



## Faithful Wife

The aging process is what it is. Having said that, there are so many ways to be fit, healthy and attractive to your spouse at ANY age....I see no reason to try to fit in there "but what if your spouse can't".


----------



## treyvion

Faithful Wife said:


> The aging process is what it is. Having said that, there are so many ways to be fit, healthy and attractive to your spouse at ANY age....I see no reason to try to fit in there "but what if your spouse can't".


I was alluding to a single is going to have less responsibilities and can spend more time maintaining and holding their physical image. They can be more selfish for example and it's ok.


----------



## Faithful Wife

The point of the Marriage Builders program to which I (try my best to) adhere to, is that you need to keep courting your spouse, the same or even more than you did when dating.

So I still don't make any allowance for the point you are making.

I think there is way too much "oh I'm busy and married and I can't keep doing those courting behaviors" excuses.

Court me for life! And I will do the same.


----------



## treyvion

Faithful Wife said:


> The point of the Marriage Builders program to which I (try my best to) adhere to, is that you need to keep courting your spouse, the same or even more than you did when dating.
> 
> So I still don't make any allowance for the point you are making.
> 
> I think there is way too much "oh I'm busy and married and I can't keep doing those courting behaviors" excuses.
> 
> Court me for life! And I will do the same.


I'm also of the belief that you never stop dating your spouse. It's the right way for the long haul.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

I've always been a VISUAL maiden..... I do the same darn thing men DO...(if the brain is not engaged elsewhere while I am looking)...there is an immediate separation going on...lasting just seconds... 

A "*mmmm  / Smokin!!"*....
to a "*Not too bad, some potential there!*"... to  *- NO !*" and a quick look away... 

I'd say my husband was the 2nd when we met... I had to mentally remove his glasses & re-dress him to envision the HOT.... though 31 yrs later, and considering half the men his age have lost significant hair with growing bellys above the belt...he's gained in the "*Smokin*" department for me.


----------



## Faithful Wife

I've seen your H. He is hot and tall. Doesn't matter if he doesn't see it. Heh, sometimes it is just as well that these guys don't know how hot they are, keep 'em humble.


----------



## heartsbeating

I have eyeballs. I thought my visual appreciation was unified with observing behavior...and then I was crossing through the city with a friend, hurried pace, listening to her chat, not looking at anything in particular until toned arms were in my line of vision. 

I have awkward moments at times. I nearly bumped into him and said "oh sorry.." except in a jumbled nonsensical way. Friend was laughing afterwards. I shook my head and told her "I was looking at his arms..." Apparently she was looking at him too and thought he was really attractive. I didn't look at him long enough to notice anything beyond the arms, what with being aware of traffic and all. Thought process didn't go beyond "Hot arms..awkward..watch the cars.."


I'm physically (and visually) attracted to my husband, and of course it's because of how I feel about him too.


----------



## heartsbeating

I love how my husband works a pair of jeans. And something about the way he rocks a skullcap. Frickn adorable and sexy at the same time. Sexy hands, dig his bow-legged walk...when I see him doing push-ups, I think that's sexy as hell. The visual of my husband arouses me. It's related to that connection and knowing him.


----------



## MyrnaLoy

Apparently I am in the minority because IME women do seem to be less visual than men-- at least in terms of relationships. I think we can recreationally appreciate a hot guy just as much as a man can appreciate a hot woman. It's not like we don't have eyes. But I think that 'hotness' is more important to guys in choosing a girlfriend/wife than it is to women. It's not like we see an obese guy and start salivating-- that's ridiculous-- it is more that we get to know guys and become attracted to them for other attributes ( humor, kindness, money, success, aggressiveness, whatever). 

And obviously this is not for ALL women, since everyone is different. However I do think it is true in general for women. I have lots of beautiful female friends who have fallen in love with unattractive (IMO) guys. Honestly, I think it is healthier that way-- since looks fade and all. 

Of course some guys marry women less attractive than themselves too. I think it depends on the people and what they're looking for in a spouse. I do think it is silly for guys to say that they should be able to get a hot girl no matter what they look like. I think it is true in concept-- but they'd have to be attractive in other ways-- I think that's the part they don't get.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered

I think the myth persists since most men are ugly


----------



## Faithful Wife

AR, I assume a straight man kind of can't determine which men are attractive maybe? I dunno. Straight men do not seem to really have a great handle on what women find visually appealing, except the obvious things like tall and muscular.

I kind of want to point out that when I make comments like "but luckily there is someone who is attracted to each of us", but also I say things like "only unattractive men would say such a silly thing as women aren't that interested in looks"...it may sound like I am being cruel to "unattractive" men, but really, I haven't openly said what exactly I find attractive, which is a very wide range.

I know that I am attracted to a whole slice of "guy type" that many other guys likely wouldn't find attractive at a glance and possibly, when a woman is with a guy like this, other straight guys then conclude "women aren't that into looks" because to these straight guys, the guys I'm talking about probably look unattractive.

One of these types is what I call the "bookish-nerdy" type.

Examples of this type would be:

Ted Allen, host of the TV show Chopped

Stephen Colbert

D*ck Cavett (look him up if you don't know...you might be too young) (can't type his real name as it gets edited out)

The common thread about these three guys is amazing brains and wit and talent....BUT....they do all three ALSO have amazing good looks, IMO. This is the type of look that other straight guys "don't get".


----------



## Caribbean Man

Entropy3000 said:


> And this is why I have to kick those guys doing curls out of my Squat Rack!!! LOL.


lol ,I think that^^^ one passed over everyone's head...
Except mine of course.

But I feel your pain , bro!


----------



## Entropy3000

Caribbean Man said:


> lol ,I think that^^^ one passed over everyone's head...
> Except mine of course.
> 
> But I feel your pain , bro!


I think it was just given the attention it deserved.


----------



## Faithful Wife

I thought you guys were always just looking at your OWN arms in the mirrors.


----------



## Entropy3000

Faithful Wife said:


> I thought you guys were always just looking at your OWN arms in the mirrors.


Is this something your hubby does often?


----------



## Faithful Wife

Heh! Good one.

But no. We don't go to a PUBLIC gym.

Ew.

Ha!


----------



## Entropy3000

Faithful Wife said:


> Heh! Good one.
> 
> But no. We don't go to a PUBLIC gym.
> 
> Ew.
> 
> Ha!


Ok, so just in a PRIVATE Gym. I see.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Well, of course!

The home gym/sex dungeon combo. Mirrors everywhere! How can we NOT look?


----------



## Theseus

Well, I guess I'll have to go against the grain here, and will probably get jumped by a herd of cats. But most of you are completely blind! 

Just look at the evidence. Who looks at porn more - men or women? Even _Playgirl_'s readers are overwhelmingly men (gay men, but still men nonetheless).

Now there are some caveats here. Men are certainly more visual when it comes to their partners, but not to themselves. Women certainly pay much more attention to their *own* looks than men do to theirs. So in men, the visual target is more outward, in women it's more inward. 

Open up any page of a men's magazine (Playboy, Maxim, etc), and chances are, either in an article or ad, there's a picture of an attractive woman. Now, open up any woman's magazine (Cosmopolitan, Elle, etc) and chances are, either in an article or ad, there's a picture of an attractive woman. See a pattern here? I was once surprised when I actually counted and noticed my wife's issue of Cosmo had more naked women in it than most men's magazines do! (Although in Cosmo, any naked women are typically lying sideways or their arms in just the right pose to cover their intimate parts...)

Now of course that doesn't mean that women don't care about a man's attractiveness. It would be equally silly to say that men care nothing about a woman's personality. But the die is cast, the trends have been there for thousands of years, and it's pretty freaking obvious which gender cares more about their partner's looks!


----------



## TiggyBlue

FrenchFry said:


> A few, non-jumping, thoughts.
> 
> I think porn, in general, is a terrible measure of how to measure women's visual response.
> 
> It's true Playgirl was created in response to Playboy, but it is/was created and lead by men. It's cool that they saw a niche that needed to be filled, but unfortunately like most porn, it's the male eye ultimately dictating the content. Playgirl was also owned by a media company whose major money makers were hardcore porn for straight guys. My point being, Playgirl almost never really tapped into female sexual visualization. No shame,
> I also think that doing so is much more difficult in print than in film because of the other intangibles that women add into their visualization...which filmed porn almost always ignores as well.
> 
> 
> This study is interesting and also touches on what I believe to be true: Women and men are both very visual, but we have different strategies exemplified by:
> 
> 
> .


:iagree: This is soooo true, I would have liked 100 times if I could.


----------



## just got it 55

Faithful Wife said:


> AR, I assume a straight man kind of can't determine which men are attractive maybe? I dunno. Straight men do not seem to really have a great handle on what women find visually appealing, except the obvious things like tall and muscular.
> 
> I kind of want to point out that when I make comments like "but luckily there is someone who is attracted to each of us", but also I say things like "only unattractive men would say such a silly thing as women aren't that interested in looks"...it may sound like I am being cruel to "unattractive" men, but really, I haven't openly said what exactly I find attractive, which is a very wide range.
> 
> I know that I am attracted to a whole slice of "guy type" that many other guys likely wouldn't find attractive at a glance and possibly, when a woman is with a guy like this, other straight guys then conclude "women aren't that into looks" because to these straight guys, the guys I'm talking about probably look unattractive.
> 
> One of these types is what I call the "bookish-nerdy" type.
> 
> Examples of this type would be:
> 
> Ted Allen, host of the TV show Chopped
> 
> Stephen Colbert
> 
> D*ck Cavett (look him up if you don't know...you might be too young) (can't type his real name as it gets edited out)
> 
> The common thread about these three guys is amazing brains and wit and talent....BUT....they do all three ALSO have amazing good looks, IMO. This is the type of look that other straight guys "don't get".


Play a game with your wife/husband when you are out .Say look around pick out 3 men/women that on visual criteria alone would you yes or no ? The people may suprise us


----------



## Cosmos

FrenchFry said:


> A few, non-jumping, thoughts.
> 
> I think porn, in general, is a terrible measure of how to measure women's visual response.
> 
> It's true Playgirl was created in response to Playboy, but it is/was created and lead by men. It's cool that they saw a niche that needed to be filled, but unfortunately like most porn, it's the male eye ultimately dictating the content. Playgirl was also owned by a media company whose major money makers were hardcore porn for straight guys. My point being, Playgirl almost never really tapped into female sexual visualization. No shame,
> I also think that doing so is much more difficult in print than in film because of the other intangibles that women add into their visualization...which filmed porn almost always ignores as well.


I agree, FF. The type of porn on offer is actually a turn off to me. I don't get turned on watching bug eyed women choking on penises, nor close ups of their boobs and orifices. I can't identify with gay porn (male or female), and the male porn stars I've seen are certainly not the sort of men I'd fantasize about...


----------



## BrockLanders

Of course both genders are motivated by visual stimuli, but the internalization of it is different. There's a study where they observed men and women watching porn. Women for the most part were turned on by empathy, they imagined they were the woman they were watching. Men just got off on the sight. This is why I think so many women on this site disapprove of porn, they think their significant others invest in porn emotionally. In reality it is no more than a means to an end, a way to enhance a bodily function; it's no more significant than dropping a deuce in the bowl.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TiggyBlue

Men look at faces more in porn than women (was all on this documentary need to find the study they conducted), women look at the actual sex more but I wonder if that's because there is many male porn stars with very attractive faces.


----------



## Cosmos

BrockLanders said:


> Of course both genders are motivated by visual stimuli, but the internalization of it is different. There's a study where they observed men and women watching porn. Women for the most part were turned on by empathy, they imagined they were the woman they were watching. Men just got off on the sight. This is why I think so many women on this site disapprove of porn, they think their significant others invest in porn emotionally. In reality it is no more than a means to an end, a way to enhance a bodily function; it's no more significant than dropping a deuce in the bowl.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You raise a good point, BL. However, rather than thinking that their SOs might be emotionally invested in porn, I think that many women are concerned that their SOs might start to emulate the apparent lack of empathy portrayed in porn...


----------



## committed4ever

just got it 55 said:


> Play a game with your wife/husband when you are out .Say look around pick out 3 men/women that on visual criteria alone would you yes or no ? The people may suprise us


Playing with fire.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000

committed4ever said:


> Playing with fire.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This was my thought exctly when I read that as well. 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Pandoras box.


----------



## Faithful Wife

I don't really see why that is playing with fire? I think couples have a pretty good idea of who their spouse's types are.


----------



## BrockLanders

Faithful Wife said:


> I don't really see why that is playing with fire? I think couples have a pretty good idea of who their spouse's types are.


I agree. My wife and I routinely go through magazines and rate the men/women from 1-10.


----------



## Holland

I don't think it is playing with fire either. It is actually very interesting to see what your partner finds appealing. SO seems to think I want to perv on younger men with 6 packs, probably because that is the stereotype, but give me a suave, middle aged guy in a suit and I am happy. 

I have no problem with who or what type of woman he finds attractive, fact is he is with me, loves me and desires me. he can look at any woman he wants, I have no desire to control his mind.


----------



## bbdad

> And this is why I have to kick those guys doing curls out of my Squat Rack!!! LOL.


That is such a major pet peeve of mine!!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I am more turned OFF by certain things than turned ON by others.

Take a certain group of men - I am more inclined to notice things that turn me OFF, i.e. deal breakers than I am the things I admire, then once I've weeded those out, the rest is down to individual personalities and attraction to them as a person. I would want to get to know all of them and see where our personalities take us vs. a physical check list.


----------



## treyvion

bbdad said:


> That is such a major pet peeve of mine!!


It's a major disrespect to the gym, the equipment and it's members.


----------



## hookares

Stella Moon said:


> ...and size _does _matter...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ok I was just being silly... don't go freakin' out guys...


Sure you were.:sleeping:


----------



## kilgore

Stella Moon said:


> ...and size _does _matter...
> Stella - that's not "visual", that's just common sense
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ok I was just being silly... don't go freakin' out guys...


----------



## Stella Moon

Faithful Wife said:


> AR, I assume a straight man kind of can't determine which men are attractive maybe? I dunno. Straight men do not seem to really have a great handle on what women find visually appealing, except the obvious things like tall and muscular.
> 
> I kind of want to point out that when I make comments like "but luckily there is someone who is attracted to each of us", but also I say things like "only unattractive men would say such a silly thing as women aren't that interested in looks"...it may sound like I am being cruel to "unattractive" men, but really, I haven't openly said what exactly I find attractive, which is a very wide range.
> 
> I know that I am attracted to a whole slice of "guy type" that many other guys likely wouldn't find attractive at a glance and possibly, when a woman is with a guy like this, other straight guys then conclude "women aren't that into looks" because to these straight guys, the guys I'm talking about probably look unattractive.
> *
> One of these types is what I call the "bookish-nerdy" type.*
> 
> Examples of this type would be:
> 
> Ted Allen, host of the TV show Chopped
> 
> Stephen Colbert
> 
> D*ck Cavett (look him up if you don't know...you might be too young) (can't type his real name as it gets edited out)
> 
> The common thread about these three guys is amazing brains and wit and talent....BUT....they do all three ALSO have amazing good looks, IMO. This is the type of look that other straight guys "don't get".



Urkel?


----------



## just got it 55

Faithful Wife said:


> I don't really see why that is playing with fire? I think couples have a pretty good idea of who their spouse's types are.


Thats the point It can be fun unless you allow it to be a serious and not a game


----------



## BrockLanders

just got it 55 said:


> Thats the point It can be fun unless you allow it to be a serious and not a game


You also have to be honest enough to realize that there is always someone more physically attractive than yourself. You are not a snowflake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

BrockLanders said:


> You also have to be honest enough to realize that there is always someone more physically attractive than yourself. You are not a snowflake.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We know that. Physical attractiveness isn't everything.


----------



## eyuop

I've always known that women are visual. Actually, studies show that women are just as visual as men or more so:
New brain research challenges the myth that men are more visual than women.

However, it has also been proven that men think about sex far more often than women do on a daily basis (a little hormone called testosterone at 20 times the dose in men helps that to happen).

Although women are just as visual, they tend to be more integrated in their selection processes. A guy might not be the hottest dude, but he could have a whole bunch of other things going for him that are also very attractive. I've seen some fairly unattractive guys with beautiful women draped on their arms. Usually they are either wealthy and/or have a lot of other qualities/talents. Sometimes personality and charm can win out over raw good-looks, too; but for some women, looks have to be there, too.

My wife readily admits that she was physically attracted to me when we met. I'm tall (6' 3"), dark hair, brown eyes, slender (170lbs) yet muscular frame with strong arms, chest, back and slender waist (32). She has expressed to me that looks are important to her, so I believe her. I've only gained about 10 pounds since I married her 18 years ago, and I keep in shape.


----------



## TiggyBlue

eyuop said:


> However, it has also been proven that men think about sex far more often than women do on a daily basis (a little hormone called testosterone at 20 times the dose in men helps that to happen).


That would be true if female sex drive solely relied on testosterone.


----------



## Holland

eyuop said:


> I've always known that women are visual. Actually, studies show that women are just as visual as men or more so:
> New brain research challenges the myth that men are more visual than women.
> 
> *However, it has also been proven that men think about sex far more often than women do on a daily basis (a little hormone called testosterone at 20 times the dose in men helps that to happen).*
> 
> Although women are just as visual, they tend to be more integrated in their selection processes. A guy might not be the hottest dude, but he could have a whole bunch of other things going for him that are also very attractive. I've seen some fairly unattractive guys with beautiful women draped on their arms. Usually they are either wealthy and/or have a lot of other qualities/talents. Sometimes personality and charm can win out over raw good-looks, too; but for some women, looks have to be there, too.
> 
> My wife readily admits that she was physically attracted to me when we met. I'm tall (6' 3"), dark hair, brown eyes, slender (170lbs) yet muscular frame with strong arms, chest, back and slender waist (32). She has expressed to me that looks are important to her, so I believe her. I've only gained about 10 pounds since I married her 18 years ago, and I keep in shape.


Well not this little chicken. I spend way too much time thinking about the sex I have had and the sex I am going to have. 

I think we (humans) think a lot about whatever it is that makes our world go around. I spend huge amounts of time thinking about all sorts of great stuff and my thoughts can go from sex to the stock exchange to house renovations to my kids to planning what I need to do next, all in the space of one minute.


----------



## Stella Moon

Holland said:


> Well not this little chicken. *I spend way too much time thinking about the sex I have had and the sex I am going to have. *
> 
> I think we (humans) think a lot about whatever it is that makes our world go around. *I spend huge amounts of time thinking about all sorts of great stuff and my thoughts can go from sex to the stock exchange to house renovations to my kids to planning what I need to do next, all in the space of one minute*.


Me too...


----------



## WellyVamp

As a woman, I can say that looks are totally important, but what I find visually attractive doesn't generally conform to the clean shaven, hunky six pack stereotype. I like my men beardy, hairy and a little rough around the edges. For some reason glasses are a huge turn on too. 

Nevertheless, if a man has a good enough sense of humour, he could probably laugh me into bed, even if he wasn't all that attractive looks wise.


----------



## treyvion

WellyVamp said:


> As a woman, I can say that looks are totally important, but what I find visually attractive doesn't generally conform to the clean shaven, hunky six pack stereotype. I like my men beardy, hairy and a little rough around the edges. For some reason glasses are a huge turn on too.
> 
> Nevertheless, if a man has a good enough sense of humour, he could probably laugh me into bed, even if he wasn't all that attractive looks wise.


You'd like a construction worker who took baths versus a clean and in shape business executive.


----------



## committed4ever

treyvion said:


> You'd like a construction worker *who took baths *versus a clean and in shape business executive.


Glad you included that part!


----------



## Phenix70

I've never dated, nor had sex because of or in spite of someone's personality.
First & foremost it was their looks that got my attention.
If I wasn't physically attracted to someone, they could have been the coolest guy ever & I wouldn't have given them the time of day.
Then again, what I find attractive another person may not. 
What mattered to me was whether or not I was attracted to him.
And if not, then nothing would make it so.


----------

