# found nude photos of my wifes ex



## inlovebuthurt (Nov 3, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for 4 months and a few days ago I accidentally found/saw nude photos in an e-mail of her that she had sent to an ex when they first started dating as well as nude photos of him that he had sent her. I know she has a past just like I do. Hell, we have both been married before but out of sight, out of mind I guess.
I lover her more than anything and am well aware that she is with me and he is in the past. I almost didnt say anything to her because I am sure it was inadvertant. I just felt like I had to say something to her and be honest about how it made me feel that she still had things like that.
Now I know they were from before we were together but I still feel hurt, shocked, insecure, and inadequate. For example, his penis is larger than mine, she has told me she prefers me to be clean shaven and thats what the heading of one of his e-mails said. It said "I AM SMOOTH", and sure enough it was a smooth d**k pic of himself.
Finding these is hurtful. Especially since they were done shortly after they met as well. It was all laid out there with their introduction e-mail (they met on a dating site), their flirting back and forth, and then within a few days, there are these nude pictures. Also plans were discussed about him meeting her in a bar and then staying with him in his hotel afterward. 
She and I met through the same site but it was weeks and weeks before we met, let alone talking the way they were and sending nude pictures. How should I feel? I know it was in the past but it slapped me in the face in the present. I am having a hard time getting images of them together out of my head or with the d**k I now have seen doing things. Also dealing with a few feelings now of how she was soo "fast" with him yet we did things slow. I am very happy about the slow though. It was the right way to do it I think. Are my feelings normal? Has anything similar happened to anyone else out there?


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Maybe she saw the other guy as someone to have fun with for the time being and then saw you as marriage material. If she sent you the nude pics right away, maybe you would have thought of her differently and the two of you wouldn't be married. 

She didn't marry the other guy; she married you!


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Maybe she saw the other guy as someone to have fun with for the time being and then saw you as marriage material. If she sent you the nude pics right away, maybe you would have thought of her differently and the two of you wouldn't be married.
> 
> She didn't marry the other guy; she married you!


You'll understand that doesn't make us feel better right?

Because that is like saying "I wanted to have sex with this guy because he was fun and hot, and I want to marry you because you are secure and safe." 

Plus, why was the other guy deserving to have nude pics sent to him right away, while her husband wasn't? Why is he not worthy enough to receive that privilege but some other loser in the past is? 

If you ask me, I would feel like she is 'settling' for me. Like I am her safety. Her back up plan. Her 2nd place. And I don't feel special. No one likes second place. And this guy shouldn't either.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Being totally honest. I think you are in danger of falling into one of the nice guy traps you read about so much on this board. The good news is that you just got married so you are dealing with a clean slate, not a totally broken situation.

I would not discuss your feelings with your wife. If you feel the need to share them do it here. Read MMSL. Run Athol's MAP. If nothing else to boost your self confidence and give yourself the right framework for building and maintaining the attraction in your marriage. 

Good luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So what some are saying here is that once a woman does something really stupid, like exchange nude photos and goes to a hotel room quickly after meeting someone stranger on a website she has to do the same stupid thing forever with every guy?

Are you saying that a woman cannot learn from a mistake.. she cannot then realize that what she did was stupid and dangerous?

The way I'd look at this is that your wife did something very stupid and learned from her mistake. That's why she took time to get to know you. 

Would you rather that your relationship with her be short lived as it was with that guy? Or would you rather that she took the time to form a special relationship with you so that you are now married?

She's not very brite for keeping those photos and email exchanges either.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So what some are saying here is that once a woman does something really stupid, like exchange nude photos and goes to a hotel room quickly after meeting someone stranger on a website she has to do the same stupid thing forever with every guy?
> 
> Are you saying that a woman cannot learn from a mistake.. she cannot then realize that what she did was stupid and dangerous?
> 
> ...


That might make sense if the pics were destroyed. But she kept them. She did not see this as a mistake. She just doesn't feel as sexual with her husband. He's the one she settled for. The other guy is the one who got away.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> That might make sense if the pics were destroyed. But she kept them. She did not see this as a mistake. She just doesn't feel as sexual with her husband. He's the one she settled for. The other guy is the one who got away.


Who says? You're adding to the story now with now evidence!
We all do different things with different partners. But there are also things we carry into different relationships. She liked him shaven, she likes you shaven, so what. It's what she likes!
I slept with an ex on the 2nd date, didn't sleep with H for 3 months! Does that mean I fancied my ex more? Course it doesn't!
This is her past. You can't change it. You just need to get over it sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Who says? You're adding to the story now with now evidence!
> We all do different things with different partners. But there are also things we carry into different relationships. She liked him shaven, she likes you shaven, so what. It's what she likes!
> I slept with an ex on the 2nd date, didn't sleep with H for 3 months! Does that mean I fancied my ex more? Course it doesn't!
> This is her past. You can't change it. You just need to get over it sorry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WEll, that is according to your opinion. A woman's opinion. 

To a guy, the exact situation you described DOES sound like you fancied your ex more than your husband. 
And I believe you will be hard pressed to find a guy that doesn't agree with that. (and don't ask your husband if he agrees with you or me) 

Because why did it take 3 months for you to feel those feelings for your husband but only 2 days for your ex?


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

I'm curious as to how exactly you found the e-mail.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

My god.... when did men become so idk... emotional?

Inlovebuthurt, your wife hasn't done anything to wrong to you by sending nude pics to that guy, she didn't know you and didn't even know you existed actually. She hasn't hurt you so don't decide to be a victime, that's not attrctive. Differenent circumstances inspire different outcomes. You can never know exactly what her circumstnaces were at that time or with that guy. And it doesn't matter.

She's your wife. You want nude pics from her. Create circumstances that inspire her to send you some. You be hot, be sexy, turn her on, get her panties wet. You want flirty, naughty emails... be a flirty, naughty boy. You've been given a heads up by finding those emails,you know what type of words have turned her on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I didn't say I didn't WANT to sleep with him!!!! So there's the difference!
And the ex? It lasted 3 months! So the attraction obviously sore off. I finished it. 20 years later H and I are still together. H knows everything from my past and doesn't feel threatened by any of it so he KNOWS I didn't fancy the other guy more. He's got no insecurities there! 

This isn't about what SHE has done in her past its about HIS insecurities.

OP, communication is the key. Talk to her. Get it out there and resolve it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I don't see the insecurities. I think you have to be smart about the red flags you find. You are right. Talk. Communicate, then decide whether you want to accept it or not. Do what you feel is best for you. You do not have to be unhappy.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Ok,
There is ALWAYS a problem when people refuse to
_flip the script_.

What if the OP was a woman, who saw pics of her husband's ex gf, in his email and she was a curvy woman with nice perky tits and the shape of a fitness model?
Suppose this female OP was just a plain Jane girl next door type with small tits?

Hell, even naked pics of anonymous women posing on a computer is enough to make some women insecure.

The OP is feeling insecure for the exact, same reason any woman will feel insecure given the exact , same scenario.

ETA.
When I got married an my wife moved into my home, I had some nude photographs of two of my exes in a box of stuff. She flew into a rage and ripped them to pieces. She threw away all the old " love letters" from different women etc.
I was not upset, I understood how she felt.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Who says? You're adding to the story now with now evidence!
> We all do different things with different partners. But there are also things we carry into different relationships. She liked him shaven, she likes you shaven, so what. It's what she likes!
> I slept with an ex on the 2nd date, didn't sleep with H for 3 months! Does that mean I fancied my ex more? Course it doesn't!
> This is her past. You can't change it. You just need to get over it sorry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Broken at 20 said:


> WEll, that is according to your opinion. A woman's opinion.
> 
> To a guy, the exact situation you described DOES sound like you fancied your ex more than your husband.
> And I believe you will be hard pressed to find a guy that doesn't agree with that. (and don't ask your husband if he agrees with you or me)
> ...




Sorry Daisygirl gotta agree with broken here. I'm not saying it is a correct attitude or that I think it means you love your husband any less. But I'm pretty sure most guys would be going "2nd date 3 months 2nd date 3 months?" "Yikes" "What has he got that she likes more than I've got?"


Edit, Sorry Daisygirl saw after I posted that you had already replied to Broken.

Props to your Hubby though, must be a very secure guy.

I must be a wuss because it would make me a little insecure.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> That might make sense if the pics were destroyed. But she kept them. She did not see this as a mistake. She just doesn't feel as sexual with her husband. He's the one she settled for. The other guy is the one who got away.


Are you assuming that sex is the most important thing to her. It apparently is not. Remember that if a very sexy guy does not meet most of her needs it will not be long before he does not consider him sexy any longer.

For all you know she's the one who ended the relationship with the other guy. what makes you think that he 'got away'? Maybe she threw him away.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> You'll understand that doesn't make us feel better right?
> 
> Because that is like saying "I wanted to have sex with this guy because he was fun and hot, and I want to marry you because you are secure and safe."
> 
> ...


Why cant the husband be fun & hot AND safe & secure.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> Ok,
> This is ALWAYS a problem when people refuse to
> _flip the script_.
> 
> ...


This is why keeping naked photos of ex's is a really bad idea. A lot of people are too insecure to handle it. They will compare every detail of the ex to find problems.

My son's dad had lots of pictures of his ex's. I did not care. They were his Exs. But I did not let him take any photos of me either because I did not want to be just one more set of photos in his collection. Now I'm glad I stuck to that.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

This idea of "learning" from mistakes when it comes to sexual matters is ridiculous.

What if your husband dated a woman years ago who he took on trips overseas but then found out she was only using him for his money. Now he is with you and refuses to take you on expensive trips because he "learned his lesson."

This is a very common theme on here:

1. Loser ex gets wild monkey sex that the wife loved.
2. Husband, who is supposed to matter to her more than any other man gets vanilla sex.
3. Female posters insist that the fact your wife does not have an animal attraction to you is actually a compliment.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> That might make sense if the pics were destroyed. But she kept them. She did not see this as a mistake. She just doesn't feel as sexual with her husband. He's the one she settled for. The other guy is the one who got away.


That is a pretty bold conclusion to jump to.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

WyshIknew said:


> Sorry Daisygirl gotta agree with broken here. I'm not saying it is a correct attitude or that I think it means you love your husband any less. But I'm pretty sure most guys would be going "2nd date 3 months 2nd date 3 months?" "Yikes" "What has he got that she likes more than I've got?"
> 
> 
> Edit, Sorry Daisygirl saw after I posted that you had already replied to Broken.
> ...


There's always more to a story though isn't there?
My H was a sexy hot marine when we met so he had nothing to worry about! Lol!
That reminds me, I'll have to get him to dig that uniform out one day!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Better to deal with the person she is now and not the person she was in the past and it's probably a good idea to get rid of the pics and emails.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I am with the OP.

If my wife kept pics of her ex, (especially the OM) she'd be out of my house. 

And I return the favor. I don't keep pictures of my ex's. 

Why do you need to keep the pictures of an ex when you married, or even dating?
That tells me you are either:
Still hung up on that person, and you are just with me because things didn't work out with that person
Or you still miss them. That person had some qualities that I didn't, and you look fondly back on those memories. Otherwise, you would have gotten rid of those photos and emails. 

I don't blame the OP for being upset. He has every right to be! 
If you are spending the rest of your life with someone (or plan to) then why do you have these old memories? You should be focused on creating new ones with this love of your life. 
But if this love of your life is only 2nd place to your ex, then leave now. Because you deserve to be with your first place. And if you can't make your spouse your first, then don't make them your second.

EDIT:
Also I like Zig's point. 
If you aren't attracted to your husband enough to want to have crazy hot wild sex, then what are you attracted to him for? 
Because maybe he would like to have crazy hot wild sex. 
Don't assume just because a guy is nice doesn't mean he doesn't want that crazy side of you. 
And don't hide it from us either.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

I found out somethings about my wife after we had been married 7 years. I knew a little bit about it but not all of details so when I found out it was hard.there is something hard about finding out things that were unexpected about someone you love. My wife didn't even have a bad past but it was a surprise. I have never really looked at her the same since
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

But men aren't women. And it's not just the penises and vagina's that are different.
Women are the more emotional, insecure one's. It's our thing.
Men are supposed to be the less emotional, more secure ones. That's you guys' thing.

Comparing a woman's reaction to every given scenario to that of a man just makes men seem feminine and womanly. I'd reckon that all of the married women on this site are married to men, so they don't want to sleep with women or womanly men.

Being hurt about something that happened before you were even known to exist is chosen victimation. That's not an appealing trait.

You know what's appealing? Doing something about it. Men are doers, so inlovebuthurt should DO SOMETHING. Preferably something hot and sexy to and with his wife 



Caribbean Man said:


> Ok,
> There is ALWAYS a problem when people refuse to
> _flip the script_.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

I can't imagine being told that the fact my wife dropped her panties for some loser after a few days and I had to wait months is some wonderful compliment.

There are alpha males, beta males and then there are just punching bags.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Now, why the heck are women commenting on this when they obviously don't have a clue on what is going in the OP's mind? His problem isn't exactly the idea that she wasn't a virgin. It's that one of those men actually became real now. Penis real in fact. 

This messed up his image of his partner. Because one thing is to know she has been with other guys, the other was to learn who the guy is and how he is and have that engraved in his mind and triggering every time he looks at her. That's the issue here. 


OP evaluate your life and you relationship. What is your status? How was the sex before this? Is she a good wife to you? Did you feel that she was settling with you before this?


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Zig said:


> I can't imagine being told that the fact my wife dropped her panties for some loser after a few days and I had to wait months is some wonderful compliment.
> 
> There are alpha males, beta males and then there are just punching bags.


Thanks for that!
Nice hit n run comment.
You don't know anything about me or my H so keep your snidey comments to yourself!
Just for clarity this thread isn't about MY sex life!
Back to the op....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

I'd like a woman to answer this question: 

Your husband spent lots of money on an ex (jewelry, clothing) but then found out she was only using him for his money.

Now that he's with you and since he's "learned his lesson", should he never buy you things because of how an ex used him?


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Also, I want to say this to all the women out there:

You say "She is with you now. The past is the past. GEt over it."

Well, let's say in my 20's I banged a different girl everynight, had more ONS that I can remember, and I have so many notches on my belt that it doesn't function as a belt anymore. 

But I suddenly decide to settle down for marriage. Would you want to be with me? Probably not. 

ANd yes, this is an extreme example. 

But you don't understand what this does kind of situation the OP is facing does to a male psyche. 

When my wife had an affair, the biggest question running through my head was "What did this OM have that I didn't?"
I was the picture definition of alpha (personality wise, probably not). Tall, big ripped muscles, 6 pack, cut and lean, why should she have to look else where?

It made me question my manhood. And that is the worst thing you can do to a man. Make him question his manhood. 

So to all of you saying "It is the past, and some memories, get over it." learn, we men, don't get over that kind of stuff.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Zig said:


> I'd like a woman to answer this question:
> 
> Your husband spent lots of money on an ex (jewelry, clothing) but then found out she was only using him for his money.
> 
> Now that he's with you and since he's "learned his lesson", should he never buy you things because of how an ex used him?


Your analogy doesnt fit....

It would fit if the op's wife doesnt have sex with him. Nude pics are just one sexual thing out of many.

What if a woman had anal sex with an ex and it didn't go well and she doesnt want to do it ever again. Does that mean the man she marries who doesnt get anal sex is runner-up to the ex who got it?


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Zig said:


> I'd like a woman to answer this question:
> 
> Your husband spent lots of money on an ex (jewelry, clothing) but then found out she was only using him for his money.
> 
> Now that he's with you and since he's "learned his lesson", should he never buy you things because of how an ex used him?


A+ for persistence!


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Juicer said:


> Also, I want to say this to all the women out there:
> 
> You say "She is with you now. The past is the past. GEt over it."
> 
> ...


But your wife betrayed you while the two of you were together. I get what ou are saying, but i think your situation is different.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

The OP said that he had to talk to his wife for months before she could decide if he was good enough to bed. The ex had to wait a few days.

The OP also implies that his wife would NEVER even consider the idea of nude picks despite the fact that their relationship is more serious (marriage).

WHY on Earth does she still have nude pics of an ex?

Who would you be more likely to give a $5000 loan to: your brother or some random guy on the internet?

BTW, if the OP posts again, how much do you wanna bet that his sex life with his wife sucks?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Juicer said:


> ....
> 
> EDIT:
> Also I like Zig's point.
> ...


Who says that she had crazy wild sex with the guy in the photos?

Who says that did does not have crazy wild sex with her husband?

I see a lot of poeple making huge assumptions here.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Juicer said:


> I am with the OP.
> 
> If my wife kept pics of her ex, (especially the OM) she'd be out of my house.
> 
> ...


To the last part of your post......

The OP never said anything about his wife not having hot wild crazy sex with him.
Just because she didnt give him nude pics doesnt mean she isnt giving him hot wild crazy sex.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

more concerning to me is why she kept them...


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

It's a safe bet that if she could trust some random guy with nude pics but not her husband, she probably can't get worked up by her husband enough for other things too.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

To quote Jamie foxx it sounds like the ex had a nine inch ding dong and was knocking the bottom out of that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> To the last part of your post......
> 
> The OP never said anything about his wife not having hot wild crazy sex with him.
> Just because she didnt give him nude pics doesnt mean she isnt giving him hot wild crazy sex.


^^^^^^exactly!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> more concerning to me is why she kept them...


I was thinking this also!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

daisygirl 41, I was not referring to your posts. I was referring to the OP's post (that mentions months versus days).


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I would ask her to delete all pics of him and his tackle.

When she did that I would send her a picture of my willy with a little bow tied on it. I would caption it 'An Early Christmas Present'.

Don't use holly though, Ouch!


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Got to laugh at the "she is with you now, so clean slate" crowd... Sorry, doesn't work that way for lots of guys! Not saying it's right or wrong, it just is...


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Perhaps she found that the type of guy she met in that manner was not for her and she decided to change tactics, take longer and make a more intelligent decision.......

She tried a more thoughtful aproach, bumped into you, and said to herself "Hey, I think this guy is allright", and wound up married to you.......

I would feel pretty pummped to think my gal put a lot of thought into our relationship, compared me to past partners, and said "Ya. this guy is for me". 

Whats to feel bad about, you went through a rigorous selection process and won.....

Congratulations everyone likes a winner.....


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## Earl Dibbles Jr (Nov 1, 2012)

Grandpappy always said bigger d1cks get better licks. You are her second choice. The big c0ck always gets the hen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Zig said:


> daisygirl 41, I was not referring to your posts. I was referring to the OP's post (that mentions months versus days).


Ok Zig
Sorry for the misunderstanding!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Earl Dibbles Jr said:


> Grandpappy always said bigger d1cks get better licks. You are her second choice. The big c0ck always gets the hen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's just not true!
Do you think woman are really that shallow!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm not sure why she didn't delete the emails but if she hasnt deleted any emails it could be that she just forgot about them. 
I had ONS with men who had bigger penises than my h now. With him we waited until our third date and I'm glad that we did. The ONS were when I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, and with him I wanted to be sure that we didn't go straight to sex, I wanted it to be more and so did he. 
The penis size doesn't matter to me, he is above average and the extra inch or two don't matter to me. 
I would be really hurt if my h really thought that the ONS were hotter than him or that he was second because nothing could be further than the truth. 
I just don't know why she hasn't deleted those.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Earl Dibbles Jr (Nov 1, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> That's just not true!
> Do you think woman are really that shallow!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No ma'am. That is what my grandpappy said. Not me. He also said reading comprehension is very important.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> Perhaps she found that the type of guy she met in that manner was not for her and she decided to change tactics, take longer and make a more intelligent decision.......
> 
> She tried a more thoughtful aproach, bumped into you, and said to herself "Hey, I think this guy is allright", and wound up married to you.......
> 
> ...


She put a lot of thought into the relationship with regards to what he could do for her (marriage) not what she could do for him.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

This all comes down to one thing:

She trusted a loser more than she trusts her husband.

She gave the greater gift to the lesser man.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Earl Dibbles Jr said:


> Grandpappy always said bigger d1cks get better licks. You are her second choice. The big c0ck always gets the hen.


Good grief, this guy comes here for help and this is the kind of 'help' he gets? Could you and others be any less sensative? I don't think so.

It's not true that a big d!ck means that she would prefer that guy. What a load of nonsense. There is a complete human attached to that d!ck and apparently it human was not enough to keep her with him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zig said:


> She put a lot of thought into the relationship with regards to what he could do for her (marriage) not what she could do for him.


You know this how? Did you talk to her?


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## Earl Dibbles Jr (Nov 1, 2012)

See Zigs response above.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You know this how? Did you talk to her?


She can give nude photos to a stranger she met online but can't do the same thing for a man who promised to spend the rest of his life with her and is probably paying to keep a roof over her head and the kids in school.


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## hunkydorey (Nov 3, 2012)

OP- I understand your concerns and don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I would agree with some who have posted that you should focus on the fact that she is with you. Knowing the other guy is/was larger than you shouldn't mean anything....larger isn't always better. Unfortunately I know that to be the case myself as the lady I'm currently seeing has a very hard time with my size and actually complains about how she has to "recover" for days after an energetic session. Larger does not mean greater pleasure for all women and it is possible that for your lady you are the "perfect" size for her and that she doesn't miss the other guy. So focus on the fact she chose you to spend her life with and continue to prove to her that she made the right choice.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

This has nothing to do with size and everything to do with what she (of her own free will) was willing to do for an ex "who meant nothing" and how little she is willing to do for her husband.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

hunkydorey said:


> OP- I understand your concerns and don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I would agree with some who have posted that you should focus on the fact that she is with you. Knowing the other guy is/was larger than you shouldn't mean anything....larger isn't always better. Unfortunately I know that to be the case myself as the lady I'm currently seeing has a very hard time with my size and actually complains about how she has to "recover" for days after an energetic session. Larger does not mean greater pleasure for all women and it is possible that for your lady you are the "perfect" size for her and that she doesn't miss the other guy. So focus on the fact she chose you to spend her life with and continue to prove to her that she made the right choice.


Right. Because ladies are always less adventurous with the guys they prefer. They always make the guys they prefer wait. They give it up right away to the guys they don't like to get it over with. Ya, that's the ticket.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Zig said:


> This has nothing to do with size and everything to do with what she (of her own free will) was willing to do for an ex "who meant nothing" and how little she is willing to do for her husband.


You keep twisting the op's words...he never said anything about how little she does from him


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zig said:


> She can give nude photos to a stranger she met online but can't do the same thing for a man who promised to spend the rest of his life with her and is probably paying to keep a roof over her head and the kids in school.


So because he sent some nudes to a guy it means that she did not give any thought to what she could do for her husband...

:scratchhead:


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So because he sent some nudes to a guy it means that she did not give any thought to what she could do for her husband...
> 
> :scratchhead:


The ex clearly generated a raw sexual attraction in her that her husband can't generate.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Zig said:


> The ex clearly generated a raw sexual attraction in her that her husband can't generate.


LOL,
Zig you're on fire!


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> LOL,
> Zig you're on fire!


Thank you very much. You're also one of my favorite posters.

I'm going to write a long post on this topic soon that will hopefully generate vigorous debate.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

He is twisting the OP's words. Where the heck is the OP anyway lol


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> He is twisting the OP's words. Where the heck is the OP anyway lol


If the OP posted again I'm willing to bet that what he would say about his relationship with his wife would not help your position.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Someone earlier said something about women posting on here....

But i think the women on here are speaking about his wife's (a fellow woman) side of things. 

I wanted to bang my DH the first night I met him, but i didn't b/c i thought being a party s!ut for a night wasn't going to get me far wih him.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Zig said:


> If the OP posted again I'm willing to bet that what he would say about his relationship with his wife would not help your position.


Well i am responding to what the OP actually said. I guess you are not.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Well i am responding to what the OP actually said. I guess you are not.


The OP said that his wife felt comfortable enough to give a stranger nude pics after a few days but that she won't even consider the same thing for a man she's been married to for years.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Zig said:


> The OP said that his wife felt comfortable enough to give a stranger nude pics after a few days but that she won't even consider the same thing for a man she's been married to for years.


That's not the comment i am calling you out on. 
If the OP said the things that you have been saying, i Would think differently about the situation and be more on your side of things. But OP hasnt said his sex life sucks....yet. I am going off of what he has posted.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> That's not the comment i am calling you out on.
> If the OP said the things that you have been saying, i Would think differently about the situation and be more on your side of things. But OP hasnt said his sex life sucks....yet. I am going off of what he has posted.


I understand. But I'm pretty sure that the picture thing is a symptom of a much deeper problem that exists in his marriage.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Zig said:


> I understand. But I'm pretty sure that the picture thing is a symptom of a much deeper problem that exists in his marriage.


I get ya


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

The OP is offline....


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> I get ya


On a personal side note:

missymrs80, while I was a lurker I read many of your posts. You and your husband seem to have an amazing relationship and I hope it stays that way forever. 

I'm sick tonight so I'm on here. I didn't mean to get into a back and forth with you.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Zig said:


> On a personal side note:
> 
> missymrs80, while I was a lurker I read many of your posts. You and your husband seem to have an amazing relationship and I hope it stays that way forever.
> 
> I'm sick tonight so I'm on here. I didn't mean to get into a back and forth with you.


Ah, the back and forth is all part of the fun.

That is very kind, thank you


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So what some are saying here is that once a woman does something really stupid, like exchange nude photos and goes to a hotel room quickly after meeting someone stranger on a website she has to do the same stupid thing forever with every guy?
> 
> Are you saying that a woman cannot learn from a mistake.. she cannot then realize that what she did was stupid and dangerous?
> 
> ...


That is one way to look at it. Here is another:

"I had this TOTALLY stupid relationship with Raul. I mean public sex, sex on the first date, threesomes, bondage. Heck, I even blew him on a roller coaster! But I finally got smart enough to put those childish things aside. WE. Have a DEEP. And REAL relationship. Which means I'm giving you my body forever...if by forever you mean 2 x a week, with the occasional oral action ateast as long as I feel like it and menopause doesn't come early. But that missionary position will be FABULOUS!'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JCD said:


> That is one way to look at it. Here is another:
> 
> "I had this TOTALLY stupid relationship with Raul. I mean public sex, sex on the first date, threesomes, bondage. Heck, I even blew him on a roller coaster! But I finally got smart enough to put those childish things aside. WE. Have a DEEP. And REAL relationship. Which means I'm giving you my body forever...if by forever you mean 2 x a week, with the occasional oral action ateast as long as I feel like it and menopause doesn't come early. But that missionary position will be FABULOUS!'


I'm sticking with the story of the OP. I do not recall reading anywhere that his wife has taken the attitude towards him that you are descibing here. For all we know they have wild monkey sex daily.

And maybe the other guy was a dud in the sex department.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

Let's not forget the point that she still has naked pics of the guy. how is her husband supposed to act


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zig said:


> The ex clearly generated a raw sexual attraction in her that her husband can't generate.


I've had a few partners. Some with which I jumped into the sack on the first date. From what you have said, this means that they generated "raw sexual attraction". But not necessarily so. 



I was much more sexually attracted to my husband (son's father) but we dated for about 3 months before anything happened. Why? It's just the way the relationship developed. And I came to realize that guys tend to disappear if it all goes too fast. I wanted to make sure he was 'stick around' material.


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

I love this topic!

Anyway, I agree with most of what other guys said and the OP. Let examine this detail for detail. First, how did the OP get in to the email? Maybe he has the password or I am assuming he has the password to his W's PC or laptop and she has her email set as saved log in? Next why is she is saving these photos? If its a regular email she is using I would think those conversations could have been archived for later reference (check them, or reminders of good memories)? Maybe she is a lazy deleter and forgot? They should have been deleted though, MARRIED NOW so no excuses! Next who cares about how the guy was swinging? Realistically, maybe why thats why she slept with him so fast. Maybe she did have an instant attraction to him that she didn't have to the OP, just raw attraction vs acquired attraction. I never understand why women don't 100% of the time married the guy they have raw attraction to vs the guy they have acquired attraction to. 

IMO, I'd be pissed depending on the situation*. Cant really be mad about the 3 days and 3 month switch a roo. I think the fun factor goes back to the ex filled the not serious role in the W's life AT that point in time and the OP filled the serious role when he came along. It's like when men have there FWBs, NSAs, ONSs, flings, whatever you wish to label them prior to being married. For me, I've done more and have had a few first with my W other than any woman Ive previously encountered. Meaning trips, buying things, etc. I mean there was a serious relationship or two I had before my W but I never treated those women better than how I treat my W ever. 

It just really boils down to value though. A stranger should hold no value to someone who is love and/or someone you're married too. If you are going to take to any extreme measure or next level it should be with your spouse or future spouse. Like an old friend/ex told me. "I like having fun now but I try to restrict some. If and when I get married, I am going to be the biggest hoe, ****, nasty girl, *****, and then some for my husband". Point taken. I think that should be for all womankind lol. Like seriously, if you're were once a nasty girl (sending pics, making videos, exclusive sexual acts) and now you are conservative with the man you married and supposedly love, slap yourself twice. I hate those stories about how guys meet those women that were all kinds of freaky with some loser or some guy who treated them like crap but then they meet the so called man of their dreams or hell the guy that actually treated them to their liking, they become reserved all of a sudden. WAKE UP!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

homebuilder said:


> Let's not forget the point that she still has naked pics of the guy. how is her husband supposed to act


Maybe the same way I reacted when I saw all the pictures my husband had of his ex-girlfriends. Meh... who cares.

I realize that some people cannot handle it that casually. But it assume that this means all the things that people are saying here is reduculous. To day with cell phones and email over half of this country has mailed or sent by cell naked photos of themselves.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I'm sticking with the story of the OP. I do not recall reading anywhere that his wife has taken the attitude towards him that you are descibing here. For all we know they have wild monkey sex daily.
> 
> And maybe the other guy was a dud in the sex department.


Let's just say that the wife SHOULD be willing to do anything for the husband that she did with the other men in her life that doesn't involve other people, farm animals, or is physically painful to her. And if it WAS painful but she did it for the other guy willingly? Sorry, you owe it to me too or you diminish our relationship.

Her reticence with her husband re photos speaks volumes and he doesn't like what he is reading.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Jcd, forget it. Women just don't get this. It's like you're speaking a foreign language.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JCD said:


> Let's just say that the wife SHOULD be willing to do anything for the husband that she did with the other men in her life that doesn't involve other people, farm animals, or is physically painful to her.


I mostly agree with the above.

In the course of our loving making, I would probably do it if I enjoyed it before. If I did not enjoy it before I have the right to not do it again. No one have the right to demand a sexual act from another person.

On the other hand, if my husband demanded something because he found out that I did it before, that’s a HUGE turnoff. If I was told that I had to do xyz because somehow he found out about me doing it before… I might walk out on him. 

Intimacy is about love. Love is not about demanding anything.



JCD said:


> And if it WAS painful but she did it for the other guy willingly? Sorry, you owe it to me too or you diminish our relationship.


That is a disgusting statement. 

So she tried it with someone else willingly but it was painful. But because she tried it with someone else she has to do it with you even though it hurt her?????? You have got to be kidding me!!



JCD said:


> Her reticence with her husband re photos speaks volumes and he doesn't like what he is reading.


I’m with her on this. I’m glad that she woke up and realized that it’s a bad idea to let anyone take naked pictures of her. They end up on the internet. Men show them to their friends. And when you break up who knows where the pictures will show up. 

There are plenty of famous cases of people who let their spouse take intimate photos and now they are all over the internet, often sold to the highest bidder.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My wife (who has an extensive sexual history) has openly admitted to me that she's had bigger willies inside her. She even taunted me once (guessing it was a test?), and I told her "well, he obviously didn't know how to use it otherwise you wouldn't be here" lol
Never let insecurity rule you, and don't ever talk about it with your wife either - unless you want to p her off or turn her off or something.

Still... my wife has zero pics of past partners. So, I wonder why your wife has an email here, a nude pic there... only time I keep sh-t like that is when I'm fond of something enough I want to remember - and I'm assuming it's the same with women. Bad sign that one =/


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> My wife (who has an extensive sexual history) has openly admitted to me that she's had bigger willies inside her. She even taunted me once (guessing it was a test?), and I told her "well, he obviously didn't know how to use it otherwise you wouldn't be here" lol
> Never let insecurity rule you, and don't ever talk about it with your wife either - unless you want to p her off or turn her off or something.
> 
> Still... my wife has zero pics of past partners. So, I wonder why your wife has an email here, a nude pic there... only time I keep sh-t like that is when I'm fond of something enough I want to remember - and I'm assuming it's the same with women. Bad sign that one =/


Exactly. Its like when you have an old pair of shoes you stumble upon in your closet. You didn't throw them out even though they are no longer in wearable condition but you look at them and remember all the good times in them....

Anyway as far as backtracking with old stuff you did for someone that you won't do now with your now spouse? Thats a huge turnoff if you won't. Two examples. If my W said she ever mentioned had someone she use to do anal for all the time or was open to it but not open to it for me, I'd be heated. Two, if I told her that my ex before I use to give her oral everyday sometime twice but with her it grosses me out now and I have no interest in it anymore, how do you think that would boil over....? I just hate when women can't be logical about something. Its something either completely outlandish or it never sticks the subject, veering out of bounds somehow. The thing is if you did it and liked for one guy, you can't expect your H to accept limitations with him.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Allow me to clarify. If she did anal with Ted once and didn't like it and never did it again, that is one thing.

If she were with Ricco Suave and had anal but it was uncomfortable but SHE DID IT ANYWAY when asked but she will not with ME, that says something very pungent about her feelings for one vs another. So she IS an independent person. But a statement like that has consequences.

I can understand how it would be a turn off, Men have been counting what turns women off the last few millennia and we finally stopped at one billion. Want to know what's a huge turn off for me? Of course not! That's not how the game works. I'm supposed to CRITICALLY care about her sexual feelings but who gives a fig for mine?

I don't like being second place in her heart. SHE should care too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Anyway as far as backtracking with old stuff you did for someone that you won't do now with your now spouse? Thats a huge turnoff if you won't.


That is true... unfortunately my wife and I have that problem -> She gives herself completely to me, and allows me to do anything to her, but... she has had MFF/MMF threesomes before and won't do it with me >.< (And she's bi-sexual in denial I swear)

I know I know... it's different, but still!!!!


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> That is true... unfortunately my wife and I have that problem -> She gives herself completely to me, and allows me to do anything to her, but... she has had MFF/MMF threesomes before and won't do it with me >.< (And she's bi-sexual in denial I swear)
> 
> I know I know... it's different, but still!!!!


Whoa thats a tough one. Experiencing he same thing but honestly, I wouldn't want to experience MFF with my W and Ill never consider MMF ( done it twice and it was interesting from a hetero stand point). Id love the MFF experience in general but when I asked her while were dating she had so many restrictions I was uninterested. It really boils down to if you want MFF with her would you accept it only if she wanted MMF with you?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> That is true... unfortunately my wife and I have that problem -> She gives herself completely to me, and allows me to do anything to her, but... she has had MFF/MMF threesomes before and won't do it with me >.< (And she's bi-sexual in denial I swear)
> 
> I know I know... it's different, but still!!!!


You know...she should give it to you. And when you have mental movies of her having thunderous orgasms with another man, I wish you exactly what you deserve. Or worse... Thunderous orgasms with a WOMAN. Now you need to worry about her running off or cheating on you with with men AND women

Perhaps it's sarcasm. Best analysis of MFF I heard was listening to 'are you done yet?' in stereo.

Or as I put it: I prefer to disappoint my women one at a time, thank you very much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farside (Oct 27, 2012)

I am shocked how insecure people are. The past is the past. It warrants discussion between them, but its tough for someone to be angry for something that happened before the relationship. Why does she still have it is a legit question? What was he doing in her email is an equally good one.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

homebuilder said:


> Let's not forget the point that she still has naked pics of the guy. how is her husband supposed to act


:iagree:.....and not just naked pics of him posing in a 
" double biceps front pose "

She has pics of his shaved , smooth penis!
Why would a MARRIED woman keep those pics,
except for......


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

farside said:


> I am shocked how insecure people are. The past is the past. It warrants discussion between them, but its tough for someone to be angry for something that happened before the relationship. Why does she still have it is a legit question? What was he doing in her email is an equally good one.


This is not called 'insecure'; it's called 'boundaries'. Her...sloppiness? Idiocy? Latent Lust? has now opened a can of worms regarding her relationship, who she wants and how she acted. She has operated outside HIS boundaries. Now they need to talk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farside (Oct 27, 2012)

JCD said:


> This is not called 'insecure'; it's called 'boundaries'. Her...sloppiness? Idiocy? Latent Lust? has now opened a can of worms regarding her relationship, who she wants and how she acted. She has operated outside HIS boundaries. Now they need to talk.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How can someone violate boundaries before they are even in a relationship or know the other person? I agree they need to talk, but this isn't a relationship sin at the level its being painted here.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

It isn't the pictures per se. Denying the husband the same IS an issue...now!

When he asks her, if she goes 'oh sh*t! They are still there?' That's not a bad response. But she should offer to delete EVERYTHING from that guy...and block his email account. She should still realize the doubts she raised as well.

It wasn't taking the pictures, but keeping them. That is a pretty clear boundary! Can you imagine that request? 'Hey honey! Can I keep pictures of my ex BFs junk?' How many women are stupid enough to ask that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reggie500 (Nov 4, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Now, why the heck are women commenting on this when they obviously don't have a clue on what is going in the OP's mind? His problem isn't exactly the idea that she wasn't a virgin. It's that one of those men actually became real now. Penis real in fact.
> 
> This messed up his image of his partner. Because one thing is to know she has been with other guys, the other was to learn who the guy is and how he is and have that engraved in his mind and triggering every time he looks at her. That's the issue here.


First time poster here…I've been reading this forum for a while now because I've been looking for answers to the same issue. 

I had an almost identical experience to the OP, and it just gutted me. I can't explain it rationally, nor can I say that it is fair to my wife to think this way, but nevertheless some sort of damage has been done that I don't entirely understand. The post I quoted encapsulates part of what I feel. 

I explained my feelings to my wife, but I don't think she really understands. She's rightfully upset that I can't resolve it. I felt emasculated, which I've discovered is a tough thing to turn around. 

All I know is that I need help, and I don't really know what to do about it. I've been to therapy before, but never really got anything out of it.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

reggie500 said:


> First time poster here…I've been reading this forum for a while now because I've been looking for answers to the same issue.
> 
> I had an almost identical experience to the OP, and it just gutted me. I can't explain it rationally, nor can I say that it is fair to my wife to think this way, but nevertheless some sort of damage has been done that I don't entirely understand. The post I quoted encapsulates part of what I feel.
> 
> ...


Probably better to start your own thread rather than jacking this one.

Put in as much detail as you are comfortable sharing and hopefully someone may help.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Can't believe I just read all of those pages.

Bottom line here is, the guy is insecure, and in danger of looking like a wimp in front of his wife by whining and crying about this thing. Yea, she's likely to react the same way as most women on this thread; "What I did in the past is none of your ****ing business", even though that attitude is rooted in stupidity like most of the men have pointed out. *Newsflash ladies: Men have feelings too.*

I told him to go run the MAP which gives him productive to focus on, will boost his confidence, and will help his relationship with his wife, regardless of what state its in, which is unknown. 

I still think that was good advice.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I would have said damn I wish I would have kept all my pics!


then I would say If you are commited to this marriage then you would get rid of thoese. and never mention it again. then start being a little more alpha.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

LearninAsWeGo said:


> It is definitely rooted in stupidity. If you don't learn from the past, it was a waste. If you have a secure and confident partner, then sharing past good and bad sex experiences and sharing and discussing your fantasies is a GREAT GREAT way to share intimacy and stay hot for each other. Sharing lets you repeat past enjoyments, keep each other satisfied long term, and act out your fantasies together.


Fine and good. But if you have an insecure partner like the OP, then this sort of thing can cause the whole relationship to unravel. So the solution is for him to get more secure so he can better deal with her past.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

farside said:


> I am shocked how *insecure* people are. The past is the past. It warrants discussion between them, but its tough for someone to be angry for something that happened before the relationship. Why does she still have it is a legit question? What was he doing in her email is an equally good one.


You are being judgemental. Words like insecure are demeaning and hurtful and in this case are discounting the OPs right to their feelings. Sorry folks. Sorry to burst the bubble. Men do have feelings too. That is why they have emotional needs. I guess some women think men are just driven by some overwhelming physical desire separate from who they are. I suggest those women stop focusing on just women's feelings and realize men are people too. I find the term insecure to be very controlling. Judgements flow both ways. How unfair of me.

The past matters to at least many people. There have been threads on that topic so I will not pursue here. This stuff matters to many men. Attacking them for having feelings is disengenuous.


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## Zig (Oct 6, 2012)

LearninAsWeGo said:


> Yep, Thread over. Didn't need to read any more than that.
> 
> Women will do the panty drop right away when they see a guy as a fun fling but not much relationship potential. That usually means he's too selfish, too different age/midset, or just out-of-their-league in the looks department. That doesn't mean he won't be fun in bed, though. They're usually just going to do this on vacation or do it conspicuously when in the mind frame that they want a serious relationship (rebound from a LTR, busy with their kid or extended fam, etc). It might be an athlete, a biker, or a suit guy. They might not find out his last name, and they don't care. This is the 21st century in America, and women know men do it, so why can't they?
> 
> ...


It's great that you and your wife have amazing sexual chemistry.

BUT based on my inferences from what the OP wrote and what I have read from other men on this forum, if she can swap nude pics with an ex (and keep them WHILE MARRIED) but won't even consider doing the same thing for the man who MARRIED HER, we can KNOW that she has much stronger sexual feelings for the ex and she likely married the OP because he's a safe provider.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

I understand this would but hurtful to a man. 
FroM a woman's perspective though, it is not like the men on here are portraying it. many of the men on here are reading too much into the OP's story and commentiNg on things the OP never said.

The OP never said his wife refuses to do nude pics for him; she just has not done them. 

The OP never said she doesn't please him sexually.

the OP never said they are in a sexless marriage.

I think most woman wouldn't offer up nude pics right away to a legit guy that they had feelings for. Now if you were bored and met a dipsh!t guy to mess around with, different story. This is how all of my friends operated during our single days. When we date, we want to put our best selves forward, & maybe this woman's best self didn't include sending nude pics online.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

ALL NUDE photos of Ex's get deleted when you get married. ALL.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

LearninAsWeGo said:


> *You are insecure and jealous.* That's unattractive. Read my post above.
> 
> This would be like my wife saying, "why did you bang that skinny blonde girl three times that Friday night years ago after the dance club... but not date her?" That's obvious: it was just for fun. It was just about sex. I didn't want a relationship with her (and I am a pretty good guy, so I made sure she knew what she was getting also). It happens.


More judemental attitudes about how men have the right to feel.

Also notice the rationalization of men do this stuff. This has been discussed time and again of course here as well. A woman having lots of sex with a bunch of alpha males in no way justifies her behavior to the more beta husband she settles for.

The attitude that a woman has fun sex with other men but at some point "settles" down. See this IS the point. That more beta male does not see himself as being less sexual. But finding this out about her past is an indicator that she is not as into her husband as he thought. He wants to be desired by his wife not just because he has other positive traits but he needs to feel she cannot control herself with him. The fact women may bang guys on ONSs and yet will withhold from a guy with "higher value" is not a good argument from the man's perspective.

Jealous, isecure and of course controlling. Is there a book on emascualting men that is required reading? Oh yeah there is. It is called the internet. Unfortunately there are men with this fetish that help it along.

See for me I want to be in order :

1) My wifes exclusive lover
2) My wife's best male friend.
3) My wife's husband

I married my wife to have a life long affair with her. A husband wants to be the man his wife finds most sexually attractive. He does not want to be the guy who got chosen because the guy she found so hot was just too much of a jerk. This says nothing positive about the husband. Quite the opposite.

Let me be clear here. The husband may indeed be quite alpha in his own right. But he may have more beta qualities than the guy the wife is so hot for. keeping pictures of the hot guys junk speaks volumes. Is this thread contrived? Perhaps. But then again life can be crazy too.

A man wants to be loved by his wife because she is in love with him and wants to be his lover for the rest of her life. Not because he has a steady job and can support her life style. That is so very shallow.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

so women are saying that if your a dipsh!t and they really don't like you enough to be serious they will ride you like a bull and share naked pics with you, but if your husband material your just sh!t out of luck. Interesting thought process, [email protected] we're such lucky men


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

LearninAsWeGo said:


> Sorry you had to find out about your wife's fling the hard way, but don't pretend you thought she was a virgin and you were the biggest/best she's ever had. I know about my wife's past threesomes MMF and FFM, her moresome, *her Vegas wedding week where she had 5 guys in 6 nights*, her first bf's 9" thick **** and fetish for anal, etc. I don't care. I'm very GLAD to know she has that kind of sexual energy, and besides, that stuff was the past. I'm certainly no saint myself, and gradually sharing our erotic stories and our sexual pasts helps us remember what we've liked, what we didn't, and what me might want to try in the future. JMO


This is the type of fetish stuff I am talking about. 
Not being jealous or insecure here is really some form of ambivalence or fetish thinking in my opinion. Ooops. More jugemental comments.



Her Vegas wedding banging five or six guys!? Right. Fine for anyone to have levels of open marriages if that is what they agree to but that is not what the OP person has stated.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

In other threads, women say they need to feel safe and trust their partner in order to act like a freak. Then here they say they can be a freak if its just a for fun thing, but not if you're serious husband material. It's all bs. More proof that women don't really know themselves, why they do things, or what turns them on.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> I think most woman wouldn't offer up nude pics right away to a legit guy that they had feelings for. Now if you were bored and met a dipsh!t guy to mess around with, different story. This is how all of my friends operated during our single days. When we date, we want to put our best selves forward, & maybe this woman's best self didn't include sending nude pics online.


This sounds insane but it also has the ring of truth. Women believe, incorrectly, that if you want respect from a man then you have to make him wait for sex. Making a man wait is what earns his respect. Yea right. Waiting doesn't mean he respects you it means he doesn't know how to get into a woman's pants. This is how she ends up with married Mr Nice Guy and fantasizing about Mr Horse C0ck.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

homebuilder said:


> so women are saying that if your a dipsh!t and they really don't like you enough to be serious they will ride you like a bull and share naked pics with you, but if your husband material your just sh!t out of luck. Interesting thought process, [email protected] we're such lucky men


Yes. They do not see it that way though do they? It is the whole bad boy versus good guy thing.

I think a good guy who marries a woman who has had a bad boy thing going as a life style is asking for a world of hurt ... but that is another thread.

Of course we can criticize the good guy for being jealous, insecure and controlling. Even worse we can call him a Nice Guy for caring.


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## Earl Dibbles Jr (Nov 1, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> I think most woman wouldn't offer up nude pics right away to a legit guy that they had feelings for. Now if you were bored and met a dipsh!t guy to mess around with, different story. This is how all of my friends operated during our single days. When we date, we want to put our best selves forward, & maybe this woman's best self didn't include sending nude pics online.


If I knew about behavior like this ahead of time, the walk down the aisle never would have happened. Not marriage material in my humble opinion. 

Its one thing to put perfume on a pig, its quite another when the pig does it herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> I understand this would but hurtful to a man.
> FroM a woman's perspective though, it is not like the men on here are portraying it. many of the men on here are reading too much into the OP's story and commentiNg on things the OP never said.
> 
> The OP never said his wife refuses to do nude pics for him; she just has not done them.
> ...


FWIW this is exactly the type of woman I advise men to avoid. The woman who puts on a fake persona to land the money guy. The woman who really likes sex with the bad boys. Understand that this makes a fool out of the husband. Men see this as disrespect. Go figure. It suggests there are boy toys and there are sugar daddies. Yes that is an extreme representation that really has shades of gray. But that husband wants to be the most desired guy period.

This risks that at some point the woman goes back to her old behavior pattern and desires, becomes just too bored with the husband for whaever reason and she may start contacting old friends and lovers or perhaps just seeks out new interests. She may just make sure she is surrounded by a lot of guys friends. The current husband is not meeting her needs ... He is supposed to know how she likes it. Intuitively. 

Anyway this is all in explaining why some men have feelings about this stuff. Interesting that the validation for the feelings is coming from the argiments against.

BTW when a guy writes book or has a blog about this stuff he is attacked. Heaven forbid men should get a clue about this stuff. Best to keep them in the dark and under control.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

If your a husband and you know that your wife was so loose with ONS and guys she dated and you have to pry sex out of her that's supposed to make you feel better and more confident how? Women wh*** around with guys and then won't be sexual with their husbands and then tell them they are insecure. WTF The fact is women marry guys based on stability,finacial security, and how nice and sweet they are knowing all along it's the hot dangerous guy that gets their panties wet. I don't understand getting married to someone your not physically attracted to. I wouldn't marry someone I didn't find attractive no matter what. POINT BLANK


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

So...where is the OP? 
Got any extra information to help us out?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

homebuilder said:


> so women are saying that if your a dipsh!t and they really don't like you enough to be serious they will ride you like a bull and share naked pics with you, but if your husband material your just sh!t out of luck. Interesting thought process, [email protected] we're such lucky men


This is a complete misinterpretation of what some of the women are saying.

We are saying that just because a woman sleeps with some guy on the first date does not mean that he's hotter than the guy she finally marries. It does not mean that she is not as sexually attracted to the guy she married.

Turn this around... so if a man has one night stands and sex quickly with women before he meets the woman he eventually marries... does this mean that if he does not have sex with his eventual wife withing days of meeting her that he finds his wife less sexually attractive than the other women?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

homebuilder said:


> If your a husband and you know that your wife was so loose with ONS and guys she dated and you have to pry sex out of her that's supposed to make you feel better and more confident how? Women wh*** around with guys and then won't be sexual with their husbands and then tell them they are insecure. WTF The fact is women marry guys based on stability,finacial security, and how nice and sweet they are knowing all along it's the hot dangerous guy that gets their panties wet. I don't understand getting married to someone your not physically attracted to. I wouldn't marry someone I didn't find attractive no matter what. POINT BLANK


Who said that anyone has married someone they are not attracted to?

Geez talk about taking twisting around what is being said.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

aribabe said:


> My god.... when did men become so idk... emotional?
> 
> Inlovebuthurt, your wife hasn't done anything to wrong to you by sending nude pics to that guy, she didn't know you and didn't even know you existed actually. She hasn't hurt you so don't decide to be a victime, that's not attrctive. Differenent circumstances inspire different outcomes. You can never know exactly what her circumstnaces were at that time or with that guy. And it doesn't matter.
> 
> ...




This is more of a problem of discovering something very important about the character of the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with.

One thing you learn on this site is that there are warning signs that come up that signal problems ahead. 

I would never marry a woman who cheated in her previous relationship. Also if she is capable of ONS before marriage then you know she doesn't need an emotional connection to get busy. To me this all matters.
The fact that this woman kept the pics is an indication of improper boundaries and lack of respect for her current relationship.

I don't know...maybe my expectations are too high, but I feel this has protected me in all the relationships I've had to date including my 22 year and still going marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> In other threads, women say they need to feel safe and trust their partner in order to act like a freak. Then here they say they can be a freak if its just a for fun thing, but not if you're serious husband material. It's all bs. More proof that women don't really know themselves, why they do things, or what turns them on.


So some women here say that they need to feel safe with their husband to be a freak in bed.

Some OTHER women say that they can be freaks in one night stands.

What one woman does is not the same as what another woman does. Women are individuals. We each have our own outlook on dating, sex, marriage. So don't lump us all into on bucket as though there is one female personality and one way of thinking.

I'm a woman who does not need to be into some long term relationship and feel 'safe' to get freaky. My husband knew that and had no problem with it. As a matter of fact he loved it. That's me. It's not ohter women.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

But what is it about her charachter that he discovered that he was unaware of before? She was married before and meeting men on a dating site, he was already aware of that and met her on the same site. Is it shocking that an older divorced woman would have sex with other men when she isn't married? It shouldn't be.

Regarding your stance against ons, nothing wrong with that. Everyone has personal guidelines that they believe keep them happier.

Keeping the pictures was wrong I suppose. Though I can't totally say. I have pics of me with ex's as does my husband and neither of us mind. 

But him playing the hurt victim because his wife sent nude pics to a guy before she eve knew he existed is just... feminine. I don't know another way to say that honestly.



dogman said:


> This is more of a problem of discovering something very important about the character of the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with.
> 
> One thing you learn on this site is that there are warning signs that come up that signal problems ahead.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

needguidance said:


> Exactly. Its like when you have an old pair of shoes you stumble upon in your closet. You didn't throw them out even though they are no longer in wearable condition but you look at them and remember all the good times in them....


No come on, does anyone really keep old shoes for memory sake? LOL


needguidance said:


> Anyway as far as backtracking with old stuff you did for someone that you won't do now with your now spouse? Thats a huge turnoff if you won't. Two examples. If my W said she ever mentioned had someone she use to do anal for all the time or was open to it but not open to it for me, I'd be heated. Two, if I told her that my ex before I use to give her oral everyday sometime twice but with her it grosses me out now and I have no interest in it anymore, how do you think that would boil over....? I just hate when women can't be logical about something. Its something either completely outlandish or it never sticks the subject, veering out of bounds somehow. The thing is if you did it and liked for one guy, you can't expect your H to accept limitations with him.


I agree with the above with a few exceptions. If she found that the anal was painful then she has good reason to not have it now. Things happen like hemorrhoids, polyps and tears in the rectum. These can cause a lot of pain. So I really hope that you would not expect your wife to suffer this pain now to get you anal because she had anal with someone in the past before she had these conditions.

Your example of giving oral to an ex but finding it disgusting with his wife is a good one. But that is not what is going on with the OP. He has not said that this wife finds anything with him disgusting.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Elegirl, i think we are theonly 2 that see how much word twisting is going on. And flat out making up stuff that the OP never said.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

aribabe said:


> But what is it about her charachter that he discovered that he was unaware of before? She was married before and meeting men on a dating site, he was already aware of that and met her on the same site. Is it shocking that an older divorced woman would have sex with other men when she isn't married? It shouldn't be.
> 
> Regarding your stance against ons, nothing wrong with that. Everyone has personal guidelines that they believe keep them happier.
> 
> ...



I hear what your saying but personal preferences aside its disrespectful to keep NAKED pictures of exes. And on top of that to keep the email interactions that led to the sex and pics. 

I'm cool with a spouse who has experience but the character problem comes in when they can't understand what's disrespectful.
This leads to not being on the same page with moral and ethical situations in the future.
Character....for instance....past actions give light to future possible actions. Not the rule but an indication. If you have a history of stealing, I'm not cool with you having keys to my house.
If my wife had a habit of ONS in bar situations I'm not cool with GNO to bars without me, and so on. It's just a self protection that makes sense to me.

In this case he's not sure what it means but in isn't good.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> Elegirl, i think we are the only 2 that see how much word twisting is going on. And flat out making up stuff that the OP never said.


There are one or two others but few for sure. Reading this would make any woman afraid to be honest with a man about her past. 

They all seem to want virgins who somehow are hot lovers and only drop their pants for them.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

LearninAsWeGo said:


> ...Dude, we are all adults here. Every woman has had one night stands... whether they'll admit it or not. If they haven't, then they're probably sexually repressed or inexperienced to the point where they wouldn't keep me interested anyways. I'm not into "training" a lover... I prefer them having their own creativity and style. There's also no way I'd waste a lot of expensive dinners, my weekends, etc if I didn't even know how good it was. A big part of adult dating is to have fun and have sex, and there's no reason you can't determine compatibility while being intimate... or continue to have MUTUALLY AGREED no strings fun for a bit after you've realized someone's not necessarily a good long term match yet the sex was nice (just don't do this to single moms or naive young girls... that's a dirt bag move that gives them false hope)


I was ok with your post till you said *all women have one night stands* i don't and i'm not sexually inexperienced or sexually repressed, mind i did state on my dating profile that i was frigid and suffered vaginal dryness. 

Haha no one should give you false hope  

To OP any man i really had respect for, i wouldn't give naked pics off the bat, i would take my time to get to know him as i would want him to respect me also, so she was sexually playing him and it means nothing to her, she most likely forgot those pictures as they had no importance to her, her bad for not deleting.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> There are one or two others but few for sure. Reading this would make any woman afraid to be honest with a man about her past.
> 
> They all seem to want virgins who somehow are hot lovers and only drop their pants for them.


In a perfect world. Haha!

No not really. But I expect class when it comes to keeping the past in the past and not in your husbands face.
I actually didn't want a virgin but I also don't want to see the slong she had right before me. You have to get this? Really. 
In my world this is wrong, and the fact that it needs to be explained scares me for my son as he looks for a wife.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dogman said:


> I hear what your saying but personal preferences aside its disrespectful to keep NAKED pictures of exes. And on top of that to keep the email interactions that led to the sex and pics.
> I'm cool with a spouse who has experience but the character problem comes in when they can't understand what's disrespectful.


Not everyone thinks that keeping old pictures and mail is disrespectful. My ex had pictures of all his old girl friends who allowed him to take nude photos. He showed them to me when we dated. I did not care about them. I never asked him to get rid of them. There is another poster here to just posted that she and her husband have naked pictures of old flames and neither of them care.

This is a topic that should not be assumed. A couple should discuss this BEFORE they get married. What to do with photos, letters and mementos from past relationships.


dogman said:


> This leads to not being on the same page with moral and ethical situations in the future.


If this is important to him, then he should have brought it up BEFORE he married her. IT’s not fair to her for him to hold this against her if he did not discuss that he wanted all photos, emails and mementos from pervious relationships discarded. Not everyone one feels the same way about this stuff. So he should have brought it up.

Shoot she might not even remember that the stuff was there. I have most of my email going back to about 2008. Just archived it. It just too much of a hassle to go through email and delete things. I just dump it on and disk and forget about it unless needed.



dogman said:


> Character....for instance....past actions give light to future possible actions. Not the rule but an indication. If you have a history of stealing, I'm not cool with you having keys to my house.


A person who steals has a physiological malfunction. Stealing is a way of filling needs or of paying for drug use. It’s completely different.


dogman said:


> If my wife had a habit of ONS in bar situations I'm not cool with GNO to bars without me, and so on. It's just a self protection that makes sense to me.


So if a man had ONS in the past he cannot be trusted to be monogamous in a marriage? Since most men have had ONS I guess most women need to keep a very short leash on their husbands because obviously they will just be looking for the first opportunity for a ONS.

I’ve had ONS in the past. I’ve been married a total of 31 years with breaks between due to divorce. I have never cheated nor thought of cheating. There are many stories on these forums of women who never had ONS before marriage but cheated up a storm after. Sure past behavior and indicate a possibility of future behavior but it does not absolutely dictate future behavior.


dogman said:


> In this case he's not sure what it means but in isn't good.


The double standard is alive and well.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

dogman said:


> I hear what your saying but personal preferences aside its disrespectful to keep NAKED pictures of exes. And on top of that to keep the email interactions that led to the sex and pics.
> 
> I'm cool with a spouse who has experience but the character problem comes in when they can't understand what's disrespectful.
> This leads to not being on the same page with moral and ethical situations in the future.
> ...


Maybe it's my age? (23) but I'm actualy not against my husband having nude pics of his ex's... I've seen them all. As long as he doesn't have any intention of meeting up with/talking to them I just think of it as porn for him. And he and I both enjoy porn and are both highly sexual. It isn't disrespectful to me that he has them, but that does not mean that that inlovebuthurt shouldn't feel that's disrespectful. That's his choice.

And like I said, nothing wrong with having personal rules about what you want in your life. We've all got them. Maybe his boundary is no naked pics of ex's. That's fair. But she was unaware of the boundary so he should inform her of it, and then she delete them and they move on. What he shouldnt do is act as a victim about the fact that she sent them, and how big the ex is and how long it took her to send them. That would be very unattractive behavior.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dogman said:


> In a perfect world. Haha!
> 
> No not really. But I expect class when it comes to keeping the past in the past and not in your husbands face.
> I actually didn't want a virgin but I also don't want to see the slong she had right before me. You have to get this? Really.


Yes I get that she should have deleted the photos and emails a long time ago. 

But the photos were not in her husband’s face. They were in some email account probably long forgotten.

Some people do not care if their spouse has photos, even nude, of exs. I never cared when my husband did. This is something that a couple should discuss before marriage. They apparently did not discuss it. So now they will have the discussion after the fact.

Unfortunately he’s overly sensitive and letting this make him feel insecure. And yes he is overly sensitive about this. I saw naked, full spread photos of my husband’s girlfriends. Some of them had one thing or another ‘better’ than me. So what we are all different.

So this guy just found out that he is extremely sensitive about this sort of thing and his wife needs to go clean out everything and make sure there is no old email hanging around that could offend him in the future. She needs to do that out of love for him.


dogman said:


> In my world this is wrong, and the fact that it needs to be explained scares me for my son as he looks for a wife.


We need to teach our children well because of the promiscuous society we live in. Perhaps add this to the list of things he needs to discuss with any future wife BEFORE they marry.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Not everyone thinks that keeping old pictures and mail is disrespectful. My ex had pictures of all his old girl friends who allowed him to take nude photos. He showed them to me when we dated. I did not care about them. I never asked him to get rid of them. There is another poster here to just posted that she and her husband have naked pictures of old flames and neither of them care.
> 
> This is a topic that should not be assumed. A couple should discuss this BEFORE they get married. What to do with photos, letters and mementos from past relationships.
> 
> ...


Your right I should never assume that others feel the way I do...except the OP is clearly not cool with it and I was hoping to shed light on how he is possibly seeing things. He clearly does not share your opinion or else we would not be reading his thread.

I do feel that, to me, ONS are a bad thing on either side. I didn't do it and I expect same from my wife. This is not the OPs problem. They did not establish that keeping this stuff was cool. He now has to establish something he thought was an implied thing. Now he wonders what else is not clear between them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

michzz said:


> Um, no. I'm likely starting new life dating women in their 50s. I'd have a real problem with a 50+ virgin.


Yea and you will likely find women who have had ONS.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dogman said:


> Your right I should never assume that others feel the way I do...except the OP is clearly not cool with it and I was hoping to shed light on how he is possibly seeing things. He clearly does not share your opinion or else we would not be reading his thread.
> 
> I do feel that, to me, ONS are a bad thing on either side. I didn't do it and I expect same from my wife. This is not the OPs problem. They did not establish that keeping this stuff was cool. He now has to establish something he thought was an implied thing. Now he wonders what else is not clear between them.


I have had ONS and still agree that they are not a good thing. We live and learn. Life is a journey. 

It is very common that people do not discuss the things that they should with their spouses before they get married. Despite what a lot of people say here, many people are not bothered by photos, even naked ones, from their spouse’s past. So this is a topic that should be discussed before marriage. 

How does someone get married and not even know that the other person has a completely different outlook on this topic. That they never discussed it tells me that they did not cover the basis before marriage. There is probably a lot that is not clear between them since something as obvious as this was not even discussed and dealt with before marriage. But the fact that there are things unclear between them does not make her a bad person. IT just means that they have some work to do and things to clear up.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Yea and you will likely find women who have had ONS.


Let's just forget about the ONS thing. The OP is not concerned about that. 

He's bummed he saw the naked ex and the build up that he should have never seen. That's why I view keeping this stuff as disrespectful of her spouses feelings.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

aribabe said:


> Maybe it's my age? (23) but I'm actualy not against my husband having nude pics of his ex's... I've seen them all. As long as he doesn't have any intention of meeting up with/talking to them I just think of it as porn for him. And he and I both enjoy porn and are both highly sexual. It isn't disrespectful to me that he has them, but that does not mean that that inlovebuthurt shouldn't feel that's disrespectful. That's his choice.


You are the same age as my son. I’m 63. It’s not about age. I have the same attitude as you on all of this. My husband had naked photos of his ex’s. I did not care.



aribabe said:


> And like I said, nothing wrong with having personal rules about what you want in your life. We've all got them. Maybe his boundary is no naked pics of ex's. That's fair. But she was unaware of the boundary so he should inform her of it, and then she delete them and they move on. What he shouldnt do is act as a victim about the fact that she sent them, and how big the ex is and how long it took her to send them. That would be very unattractive behavior.


Yep, they did not discuss it before marriage so they need to do that now… and move on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dogman said:


> Let's just forget about the ONS thing. The OP is not concerned about that.
> 
> He's bummed he saw the naked ex and the build up that he should have never seen. That's why I view keeping this stuff as disrespectful of her spouses feelings.


They have different view points about keeping photos and emails of ex's. This should have been discussed before marriage. IT was not. So they discuss it now. She deletes them. They move on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

michzz said:


> Doesn't bother me -- as long as there is no overlap. I won't tolerate being in a rotation.


I agree with that.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> They have different view points about keeping photos and emails of ex's. This should have been discussed before marriage. IT was not. So they discuss it now. She deletes them. They move on.


I agree.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Ladies,

You have no problem sleeping with guys for fun or having ONSs.

Yet when you see a man you think is "relationship material", you behave like a different kind of girl.

And you can't see how this strikes us as dishonest?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

east2west said:


> Ladies,
> 
> You have no problem sleeping with guys for fun or having ONSs.
> 
> ...


Don't put me in that bucket. 

I never said that I have ONSs and then behave differently when I date someone who is 'relationship material'. Not all women do that.

So don't try to make that a characteristic of all women.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> There are one or two others but few for sure. Reading this would make any woman afraid to be honest with a man about her past.
> 
> They all seem to want virgins who somehow are hot lovers and only drop their pants for them.


Does not need to be a virgin but yeah we want a woman who is just so into us she forsakes all for us. Just us. So yup. This is it. This is about choosing a life long partner not interviewing someone to work in the mall. So one can indeed be this choosy. And should be.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Does not need to be a virgin but yeah we want a woman who is just so into us she forsakes all for us. Just us. So yup. This is it. This is about choosing a life long partner not interviewing someone to work in the mall. So one can indeed be this choosy. And should be.


This is what women want as well. No one is suggesting anything less.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Exactly one post from the OP. Just sayin.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I'm going to take note of this thread.
When someone disagrees with me when i say women do things that are hard to swallow and often reward guy's jerk behaviors i'm going to point here.

Many women (not all thankfully) will reward a guy who is not marriage material with fast sex. But if you are unfortunate enough to be considered marriage material (presumably defined as not really that hot but with good personal qualities), they put on their "good girl" suit and make wait for it. 

This, ladies is why men learn at an early age that being goodie do doer will take you nowhere. They then learn that being jerks who won't commit is rewarded with easy sex. This is learned behavior caused by women who do this kind of stuff. 

And this is also the same kind of women that crucify a guy when he says that he doesn't want to be with a woman who jumps easily into bed with men and has just found out that he was lied to by a woman who put her "good girl" show just to entrap him.

Apparently they don't see lying as a personal fault, it seems.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Costa,

So i see you acknowledge that there are men out there who don't want a women who jumps into bed easily.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

And to be honest....i didn't have ONS's before my husband. But i wanted to wait b/c i wanted him to know i wasn't just going to be a ONS


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Plenty of women will marry a guy who can provide for her and any children which may the result of the marriage. Hell, some will marry for security while having other guys children and play the dummy she marries for all she can get. (mine) What's important is what she does after the marriage while with you and how you feel she treats you.
If she's treating you the way you wish, then you really have no complaints. If she isn't and doesn't want to level with you as to why, dump her.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

It gives me great happiness to know that my H is the one I got the most freaky with. It makes our relationship feel special. As a woman I totally get where OP and many men on this thread are coming from.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

I'm guessing that well in excess of 50% of the posts in this thread assume facts that are nowhere to be found in the OP. 

*Nothing in the OP supports the conclusion his wife REFUSED to provide him with nude pictures, or even that he wanted them.

*Nothing in the OP supports the conclusion that his sex life is poor.

*Nothing in the OP supports the conclusion that the pictures were in his face. Crikey, I have about 20,000 old emails! I've forgotten what's in most of them.

*Nothing in the OP supports the conclusion that the past guy was a loser.

*Nothing supports the statement of one poster here that "The OP said that his wife felt comfortable enough to give a stranger nude pics after a few days but that she won't even consider the same thing for a man she's been married to for years." For one thing, the OP states they've been married for only 4 months. And as already noted, nothing in the OP indicates that the W won't allow her H to have a nude pic.

*Nothing in the OP indicates that the W was asked to delete the photos and refused or was given a chance to explain why she still had the email containing them.

Maybe all the speculation is accurate--but we can't know that if the OP doesn't return. Until he does--and fills in the many blanks--it's impossible to provide a meaningful response.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

Of I have to ask my wife to delete naked pictures of her ex then we have a serious problem
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

It's so interesting to see how our brains work to fill in empty holes from our own experiences and even fears...

The op never said the guy was huge, just "larger than me" that could be taken many ways, like maybe he was 6" but the op is 5"? Nor did I see anything written about their sex lives, yet here it is people fill in gaps with the experiences they are familiar with, and they may be right, or wrong, since to op is absent we might only be left with speculatuion, but it's interesting.

I also find it interesting that the op never responded to anyone yet there are 11 pages of commenting and discussions.

To the op, I hope you realize your wife married you, not anyone else. I'm not saying that you don't have the right to feel hurt or whatever, feel however you need to feel but realize that she choose you to spend her life with. I hope this helps.


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## inlovebuthurt (Nov 3, 2012)

As the original guy to post I need to clarify a few things. My wife never deprived me of sex and she did send me a few pics as well. She sent me similar pics but it was months later. 
It was the simple fact that I found them accidentally and it hurts horribly.
I was going back into her e-mail to find my old pics I sent her when we first met because I was going to post a success story on the website we met on. I wasnt snooping. I simply hit the back button a million times and went back a little past where I was I supose and when I looked up I was actually on an e-mail sent from her friend saying how she didnt agree with her meeting this guy in a bar and then staying with him in his hotel. That made me say, WTF! Then I clicked out of it and there was an e-mail saying "IM SMOOTH", when I clicked on it it was a few **** pics. Then there were a few of her pics she had sent him. It was discovered accidentally but after finding them, I looked of course.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

inlovebuthurt said:


> As the original guy to post I need to clarify a few things. My wife never deprived me of sex and she did send me a few pics as well. She sent me similar pics but it was months later.
> It was the simple fact that I found them accidentally and it hurts horribly.
> I was going back into her e-mail to find my old pics I sent her when we first met because I was going to post a success story on the website we met on. I wasnt snooping. I simply hit the back button a million times and went back a little past where I was I supose and when I looked up I was actually on an e-mail sent from her friend saying how she didnt agree with her meeting this guy in a bar and then staying with him in his hotel. That made me say, WTF! Then I clicked out of it and there was an e-mail saying "IM SMOOTH", when I clicked on it it was a few **** pics. Then there were a few of her pics she had sent him. It was discovered accidentally but after finding them, I looked of course.


Did you confront your wife and ask her why these pics of this other guy are still floating around on her computer?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

inlovebuthurt said:


> As the original guy to post I need to clarify a few things. My wife never deprived me of sex and she did send me a few pics as well. She sent me similar pics but it was months later.
> It was the simple fact that I found them accidentally and it hurts horribly.
> I was going back into her e-mail to find my old pics I sent her when we first met because I was going to post a success story on the website we met on. I wasnt snooping. I simply hit the back button a million times and went back a little past where I was I supose and when I looked up I was actually on an e-mail sent from her friend saying how she didnt agree with her meeting this guy in a bar and then staying with him in his hotel. That made me say, WTF! Then I clicked out of it and there was an e-mail saying "IM SMOOTH", when I clicked on it it was a few **** pics. Then there were a few of her pics she had sent him. It was discovered accidentally but after finding them, I looked of course.


while finding these pics might be hurtful to you ....realise that she married you and loves you I personaly feel if you even mention this it would be a mistake. you will come off as sounds week and un confident. and that is not very sexy. she probley just forgot to delete then and they got lost in all the email BS.

be happy and feel good about the fact that you have a good marriage and the sex is also up to par. If I were you I would ramp up the sex somewhat you are married to a sexualy women rejoice and partake and live long and prosperious. you have what a lot of men wish they had.....and thats a woman with a sexy attitude try to bring it out further


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

inlovebuthurt said:


> I was going back into her e-mail to find my old pics I sent her when we first met because I was going to post a success story on the website we met on*. I wasnt snooping. I simply hit the back button a million times and went back a little past where I was I supose and when I looked up I was actually on an e-mail sent from her friend saying how she didnt agree with her meeting this guy in a bar and then staying with him in his hotel. That made me say, WTF! *Then I clicked out of it and there was an e-mail saying "IM SMOOTH", when I clicked on it it was a few **** pics. Then there were a few of her pics she had sent him. It was discovered accidentally but after finding them, I looked of course.


I think that if you had to " hit the back button a million times" then she may have forgotten to delete it.

Yes?

I don't think she purposely had it there.
Its not like it was in a folder tucked safely away for her future , secret, pleasurable viewing.

Though it may have shocked you , you should probably understand it from that angle and try to move forward.

It was not intentionally done by her.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

inlovebuthurt said:


> She and I met through the same site but it was weeks and weeks before we met, let alone talking the way they were and sending nude pictures. How should I feel?


Ok firstly remember the context which you met and the site you met. If it's an adult dating site then why are you surprised? 
Those sites have made people treat dating and relationships like a Lands End catalogue. Always going back for their "fix". 
If she still has pictures of him despite being with you then thats a very bad sign. Maybe you should talk to her but I doubt that will ever change.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

inlovebuthurt said:


> As the original guy to post I need to clarify a few things. My wife never deprived me of sex and she did send me a few pics as well. She sent me similar pics but it was months later.
> It was the simple fact that I found them accidentally and it hurts horribly.
> I was going back into her e-mail to find my old pics I sent her when we first met because I was going to post a success story on the website we met on. I wasnt snooping. I simply hit the back button a million times and went back a little past where I was I supose and when I looked up I was actually on an e-mail sent from her friend saying how she didnt agree with her meeting this guy in a bar and then staying with him in his hotel. That made me say, WTF! Then I clicked out of it and there was an e-mail saying "IM SMOOTH", when I clicked on it it was a few **** pics. Then there were a few of her pics she had sent him. It was discovered accidentally but after finding them, I looked of course.


Notice how all the speculative posts here about his supposedly evil wife turned out to be unfounded?

I'm still scratching my head about one thing, though. Instead of looking through her email, why didn't you just look through YOUR email for the one you sent to her with your pictures? Sounds like there are trust issues in any event.


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## williamjones (Oct 12, 2012)

as a "smaller" guy this would not amuse me 
but you have to realize that your wife (spouse) had a past. and past is past. she is with you, and that is what counts.

everything in her past (including this) helped to turn her into the woman you love and married.

get over it.


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## inlovebuthurt (Nov 3, 2012)

For all of you guys who jump to conclusions, I understand. I cant always get every detail in words I guess very good.
The reason I went into my wifes e-mail is because I had the pictures on my laptop but it died and she had them in her old e-mail. I didnt have them on e-mail.
I know she didnt keep them on purpose to look at or anything like that. At least I hope not. There was a few pictures of her with another ex in her e-mail as well. We met on a dating site but not a trashy adult sex site or anything like that at all.
I just seem to find stuff left and right. **** pics, her pics, pics with yet another ex in her e-mail, stuff like that. Even found a card from her family adressed to her and her daughter and another ex from like 10 years ago. She seems to never get rid of anything.
It just hurts to see another mans **** that she has had. I know she has a past. Thats not the issue. The issue was just that it hurt horribly to see and I feel like she was disrespectful for still having those.
If the whole thing was reversed I would assume she would feel hurt as well. Just a shock and slap to the face. We will move on and all. Just hurts.
Do I just seem unreasonable to feel hurt, insecure, and disrespected?
Some of you said we should have talked about all this before we got married. Sounds great in theory but how was I to know we even needed to talk about this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

inlovebuthurt said:


> For all of you guys who jump to conclusions, I understand. I cant always get every detail in words I guess very good.
> The reason I went into my wifes e-mail is because I had the pictures on my laptop but it died and she had them in her old e-mail. I didnt have them on e-mail.
> I know she didnt keep them on purpose to look at or anything like that. At least I hope not. There was a few pictures of her with another ex in her e-mail as well. We met on a dating site but not a trashy adult sex site or anything like that at all.
> I just seem to find stuff left and right. **** pics, her pics, pics with yet another ex in her e-mail, stuff like that. Even found a card from her family adressed to her and her daughter and another ex from like 10 years ago. She seems to never get rid of anything.
> ...


The way things are today with sexting and so many people sending out nude pictures and racy pictures it's probably something every couple should discuss. But it's probably something few talk about.

The fact that she has all kinds of things going back 10 years or more probably means that she did not go out of her way to keep them.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

inlovebuthurt said:


> For all of you guys who jump to conclusions, I understand. I cant always get every detail in words I guess very good.
> The reason I went into my wifes e-mail is because I had the pictures on my laptop but it died and she had them in her old e-mail. I didnt have them on e-mail.
> I know she didnt keep them on purpose to look at or anything like that. At least I hope not. There was a few pictures of her with another ex in her e-mail as well. We met on a dating site but not a trashy adult sex site or anything like that at all.
> I just seem to find stuff left and right. **** pics, her pics, pics with yet another ex in her e-mail, stuff like that. Even found a card from her family adressed to her and her daughter and another ex from like 10 years ago. She seems to never get rid of anything.
> ...



I hear you. Bit to make you feel better, it's not really a matter of her not respecting you.

I know I mentioned respect in one of my earlier posts but after thinking about it I take it back.

I went through this with my wife when we first married, except she was the one finding stuff. Not nude pics but all kinds of other stuff. Even someone elses panties in my filing cabinet, i have no clue how they got there. I was totally committed to her but just kinda unorganized and didn't keep track of all that stuff. She seemed like a magnet for it. It caused a few fights. But I never meant disrespect.
Work on blocking out the pics of the private parts and move forward. Have her go through her stuff to avoid more discoveries.

Good luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dogman said:


> I hear you. Bit to make you feel better, it's not really a matter of her not respecting you.
> 
> I know I mentioned respect in one of my earlier posts but after thinking about it I take it back.
> 
> ...


:rofl: So what do you file panties under?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

inlovebuthurt said:


> For all of you guys who jump to conclusions, I understand. I cant always get every detail in words I guess very good.
> The reason I went into my wifes e-mail is because I had the pictures on my laptop but it died and she had them in her old e-mail. I didnt have them on e-mail.
> I know she didnt keep them on purpose to look at or anything like that. At least I hope not. There was a few pictures of her with another ex in her e-mail as well. We met on a dating site but not a trashy adult sex site or anything like that at all.
> I just seem to find stuff left and right. **** pics, her pics, pics with yet another ex in her e-mail, stuff like that. Even found a card from her family adressed to her and her daughter and another ex from like 10 years ago. She seems to never get rid of anything.
> ...



I don't think that your feeling that way is unreasonable. But please understand the context of how this entire situation developed.
Sometimes we just have to let go of negative feelings. It may take some time.
She has not done anything on purpose to hurt you, and you should understand that.
Try looking at it from that perspective.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> FWIW this is exactly the type of woman I advise men to avoid. The woman who puts on a fake persona to land the money guy. The woman who really likes sex with the bad boys. Understand that this makes a fool out of the husband. Men see this as disrespect. Go figure. It suggests there are boy toys and there are sugar daddies. Yes that is an extreme representation that really has shades of gray. But that husband wants to be the most desired guy period.
> 
> This risks that at some point the woman goes back to her old behavior pattern and desires, becomes just too bored with the husband for whaever reason and she may start contacting old friends and lovers or perhaps just seeks out new interests. She may just make sure she is surrounded by a lot of guys friends. The current husband is not meeting her needs ... He is supposed to know how she likes it. Intuitively.
> 
> ...


Dude,

Did u not see that i put "won't offer up nude pics RIGHT AWAY"? 
No one ever said the "good guy" won't get his money's worth.

Just B/c a woman doesn't blow her stbh/husband the first night they met doesn't mean she will never blow him.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> :rofl: So what do you file panties under?


 Haha! G... For good times!


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Sounds great in theory but how was I to know we even needed to talk about this?


How long was the relationship before you committed to marriage? Also, if she sent you racy pics, what made you think she wasn't exchanging them with other guys?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

aribabe said:


> My god.... when did men become so idk... emotional?


Men didn't "become" emotional. Men, by our biological design, are emotional creatures. Societies, at various times, across history have put up barriers that don't allow men to express our natural emotional expression, but that doesn't change the fact that we are inherently able to feel, and express, emotion. Women do not have the corner market on human emotion.

Thinking like this is why we have a nation filled with repressed, hurting, stifled men.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Men didn't "become" emotional. Men, by our biological design, are emotional creatures. Societies, at various times, across history have put up barriers that don't allow men to express our natural emotional expression, but that doesn't change the fact that we are inherently able to feel, and express, emotion. Women do not have the corner market on human emotion.
> 
> Thinking like this is why we have a nation filled with repressed, hurting, stifled men.


:iagree:
Thank you for responding to that.

Its a pity men are no longer supposed to feel

1] Insecure
2]Hurt
3]Vulnerable

Because somehow, some women now feel that they own the franchise rights on these emotions, and anyone wanting to express such, must first seek their permission and validation.

The OP is simply seeking and explanation for his feeling vulnerable, yet he is being chided for how he feels.

he has every right to feel how he feels. IMO, he wife didn't do it on purpose,but that doesn't lessen the impact on his self esteem.

Over time, it will heal.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> :rofl: So what do you file panties under?


Accounts Receivable
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> Dude,
> 
> Did u not see that i put "won't offer up nude pics RIGHT AWAY"?
> No one ever said the "good guy" won't get his money's worth.
> ...


I am talking about the women you mentioned in faking their background. The ones who play with the low lifes but want to put their best foot forward with the men of quality. Stick with the guys that turn you on.


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

To the OP. what did your wife say about all of this?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Right. Because ladies are always less adventurous with the guys they prefer. They always make the guys they prefer wait. They give it up right away to the guys they don't like to get it over with. Ya, that's the ticket.


It is really sad reading this thread ...seems a match between the men & the women...I found myself agreeing with almost all of the men (but clearly not LearninAsWeGo's posts).

I felt strongly in agreement with their feelings...putting myself in their shoes as this husband, likely a decent man. 

Furthermore...what does it say about this new wife......it should be a betrayal in her







towards her husband - once she walked down that aisle....to have these pictures saved on her phone...heck while she was dating [email protected]#$% forsaking all others. Speaks volumes, regardless of her past.

I also agree with CM... turn this around and hear how the women would handle such a thing....The husband would never live it down till Kingdom Come, in fact, he wouldn't even need a photo of his naked ex, it could be a porn star & she'd be climbing the ropes of insecurity. 



> *LearninAsWeGo said*: ...Dude, we are all adults here. Every woman has had one night stands... whether they'll admit it or not. If they haven't, then they're probably sexually repressed or inexperienced to the point where they wouldn't keep me interested anyways. I'm not into "training" a lover... I prefer them having their own creativity and style. There's also no way I'd waste a lot of expensive dinners, my weekends, etc if I didn't even know how good it was. A big part of adult dating is to have fun and have sex, and there's no reason you can't determine compatibility while being intimate... or continue to have MUTUALLY AGREED no strings fun for a bit after you've realized someone's not necessarily a good long term match yet the sex was nice.


 And just as you despise and would spit upon *my type*.. I feel the same about the way you just described yourself here .... Take no offense to this, we mutually agree ...











> Sorry you had to find out about your wife's fling the hard way, but don't pretend you thought she was a virgin and you were the biggest/best she's ever had. I know about my wife's past threesomes MMF and FFM, her moresome, her Vegas wedding week where she had 5 guys in 6 nights, her first bf's 9" thick **** and fetish for anal, etc.* I don't care.* I'm very GLAD to know she has that kind of sexual energy, and besides, that stuff was the past. I'm certainly no saint myself, and gradually sharing our erotic stories and our sexual pasts helps us remember what we've liked, what we didn't, and what me might want to try in the future.


 Yes, you clearly don't care.... I feel women would be wise to notice the difference between the men who DO care (even if it stomps on their toes a little) in comparison to those who DON'T CARE -by paying close attention to the other things they say about







& how they treat a woman ... Clearly some only care about the Almighty FvCk chemistry....she doesn't even deserve a dinner out till he bangs her & knows he's satisfied ....(his words) "There's also no way I'd waste a lot of expensive dinners, my weekends, etc if I didn't even know how good it was" . That's lovely.

Good men are far more considerate than THIS...but yes.. such things will hurt their







's. I'll happily take the insecure man with the big heart, Thank you! 





> *Entrophy3000 said :* You are being judgemental. Words like insecure are demeaning and hurtful and in this case are discounting the OPs right to their feelings. Sorry folks. Sorry to burst the bubble. Men do have feelings too. That is why they have emotional needs. I guess some women think men are just driven by some overwhelming physical desire separate from who they are. I suggest those women stop focusing on just women's feelings and realize men are people too. I find the term insecure to be very controlling. Judgements flow both ways. How unfair of me.
> 
> The past matters to at least many people. There have been threads on that topic so I will not pursue here. This stuff matters to many men. Attacking them for having feelings is disengenuous.


 Again, Thank God men do have feelings....













> *Entrophy3000 said* :I married my wife to have a life long affair with her. A husband wants to be the man his wife finds most sexually attractive. He does not want to be the guy who got chosen because the guy she found so hot was just too much of a jerk. This says nothing positive about the husband. Quite the opposite.


:iagree:


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> More judemental attitudes about how men have the right to feel.
> 
> Also notice the rationalization of men do this stuff. This has been discussed time and again of course here as well. A woman having lots of sex with a bunch of alpha males in no way justifies her behavior to the more beta husband she settles for.
> 
> ...


E,

You just always get it spot on for me. I should start giving you the money I am giving my therapist.


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## LearningLifeQDay (Oct 20, 2012)

WorkingOnMe wrote: "That might make sense if the pics were destroyed. But she kept them. She did not see this as a mistake. She just doesn't feel as sexual with her husband. He's the one she settled for. The other guy is the one who got away." I think we, as humans, hold on to things we find precious and dear. Why didn't she DELETE the pictures from her phone? Obviously they hold some type of sentimental value for her. Hell, I'd be a bit peeved to find such pictures on a phone. I'd first ask her to delete them and then I'd ask her why she didn't do that previously. Hell, they've been married for 4 months. How would you feel to find that s#%* on your spouse's phone? (Not letters but a pic of a male appendage -women think of a pic of female genitalia) I think your blood pressure would be a little elevated. You may find this to be an overreaction, but if it is, a very good explanation should put any negative thoughts to rest.


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