# someone help me please..i can't lose my marriage



## michelle_caspersen (Sep 10, 2009)

okay, so i am desperate for some good advice on what to do now. lately my husband and i fight all the time, he is very distant and says he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore and i just have to deal with it. there are too many things to explaine but the main thing is that lastnight he told me that he wants to send me to washington to see my family and friends and clear my head,think about what i want. he says that i am not happy here. than he goes on to tell me that he thinks i should see other people while i'm gone, and if i decide to come back we will see how it goes but if i decide to stay and i meet someone than oh well. that was like a knife to my heart. i am so confused!! he says he loves me and he hopes i come back, he also says he doesn't plan on seeing anyone but why would he tell me to leave and see other people? see, he works out of town and he is always gone. he says he's not seeing anyone but he has been acting very differant for a while now and he doesn't answer his phone when i call, he calls me back a few minutes later and it is very quiet. like, i knew this was coming, i could feel it. we have been together for 13 years now and i know when something is up ya know. he is sending me mixed signals. he loves me but he is willing to send me away to find myself, saying that he wants me to be happy. since when has he ever cared about my well being? he is not like that. he is very mean and selfish lately and all of a sudden he drops this on me. he says he hopes i come back when i ask him, but i think he is doing this hoping that i will meet someone and decide not to come back and be done with us..ya know..that way he is not the bad guy. i will be the one to leave him. i don't know what to do. all i want is to be with him and to be happy as a family with our children, but he isn't willing to work on this together. he just wants me to accept that he is a **** and doesn't really care about me. and all i want is for him to really love me again. what should i do?? this is breaking my heart..


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

It's unfair that he's telling you how YOU feel. That's not right. Only you can decide how you feel. Don't let him control what he thinks is the right thing to do. You have input in this relationship too. 

It seems that there is more to this problem than what he is sharing.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

It's a sad fact that many of us on this forum can attest to the fact that often in these situations the other party is pretty short on the truth. Follow your instinct on this - it will be right. Although it was tricky when I was going through a similiar situation I had to train myself to read my H.s ACTIONS and not his WORDS...honestly folk will say anything to get themselves off the hook and not 'take the guilt'. 

Why on earth would anyone want to start seeing 'other people' when they are in a relationship already? 

You know it's not logical - unfortunately you have brace yoruslef for a battle - hold on tight to yourself and try not to let him persuade you of what you may want to hear as opposed to what is really going on....

TRUST yourself not HIM


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## KeepLoveAlive (Sep 7, 2009)

The truth is he does want to the relationship to break up, but he doesn't want to be the one to do it. So he's giving you the go ahead to find someone new so YOU'LL break up the marriage.

He probably does have someone else, or has his eyes on someone else.

Now you have to decide what you want to do. Don't leave town though. You have to decide if this marriage is worth staying or if you should move on. But you have every right to go back to him and tell him the whole, "you can date other people" thing is a lot of garbage. Tell him to be honest, no matter what his feelings. Then you can go from there.


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## variety (Sep 6, 2009)

you are entitled to know what is happening to your marriage - so that you can make the right decision for the future. 

Take the guilt, blame, shame whatever out of the picture - your H owes you the truth.

Stay to discover what is happening to your marriage. Perhaps you can forgive, perhaps you can forget, perhaps you can work thru it and perhaps you go on separate ways. It is better to make decision after knowing the truth rather than imagining what it may have been.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Sorry to say, but your husband sounds pretty shallow and uncaring. No man would ever tell a woman he loves, to be with another man. Thats just wrong. On the bright side, I see you're in AK ,from what Ive heard, theres alot more men than woman there, so you should be able to replace him pretty easy:smthumbup:


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## alwaysalone (Nov 17, 2007)

It seems DH is deciding to take the easy way out the marriage, which I hate to say. As the other stated, he is telling you in a nice way, that you can go find someone else, and leave, he is giving you an out, so to speak. Not very fare of him that is for sure. 

Personally, talk to him. Tell him he needs to be honest with you, if not to himself. You have the right as his wife to know the truth. You will need all the strength you have. Hold yourself up high and don't back down! Insist on the truth!

Good luck


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I would think that he's thinking about having an affair or else he has already started one.

Time to play spy and get into his emails and phone. Find out where he's going and what he's doing and with whom.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

:iagree:

Unfortunately, this was my first thought as well. As soon as you are gone, it gives him the opportunity to tell whomever 'I'm separated' or 'my wife left me'

Otherwise, makes no sense.


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