# curbing masturbation



## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

simple question, has anyone tried to quit or reduce masturbation frequency, and been successful?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Why? 

What is current frequency? Is it truly too much? Why do you think so? What is the basis of your concern?

Is it interfering with a relationship? Life in general?


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Why?
> 
> What is current frequency? Is it truly too much? Why do you think so? What is the basis of your concern?
> 
> Is it interfering with a relationship? Life in general?


 2x day, yes to all questions. just seems like i could save it up more which always makes it better with SO. and its kinda a waste of time 
mostly it has become an uncontollable habit.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It can be come a habit and it is a problem if it reduces the intensity of sex with your partner. It can become an especially bad problem if you do it while watching porn. You can develop a feedback that makes that the only sexual activity you can enjoy - which would be very sad. 

I would probably never do it if I had a willing partner.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Gseries said:


> simple question, has anyone tried to quit or reduce masturbation frequency, and been successful?


I think the question's real answer has a lot to do with how one views masturbation. Is it a shameful thing one does in private or is it a healthful natural thing that one is willing to share with their spouse.

Obviously, it isn't something done in public, but if done in front of a spouse and they want sex, maybe they will either "lend a hand" or thank you for the show and warming yourself up for them.

Unless you are rubbed raw/numb; it is hurting your relationship; or you are keeping part of sexuality a secret from your spouse, I really don't see the problem.

If you want to change any human trait, you can. There are lots of self-hypnosis techniques out there to change everything from loosing weight, exercising more, stopping smoking, etc. They should apply equally to masturbation. Ask your wife to help you and help motivate you. If she approves of the change, she might find a way to really motivate you to stop. :wink2:


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

It really is as simple as doing the opposite of the old Nike slogan-- just don't do it!

If you can't control yourself, find something to replace it with--when you feel like tossing off, get on your bike and go ride hard for an hour instead. Or run, or hit the gym, or play your guitar or ......
People often turn to masturbation when they start to feel bored. Find another way to entertain or employ yourself.

Learn to meditate.

But back to the impact this is having on your relationship-you say sex is better when you don't. Is that because you're unable to perform after masturbation or is it because your sensation is diminished or is it something else? Can you predict when partner sex is likely and just abstain prior to that?


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> It really is as simple as doing the opposite of the old Nike slogan-- just don't do it!
> 
> If you can't control yourself, find something to replace it with--when you feel like tossing off, get on your bike and go ride hard for an hour instead. Or run, or hit the gym, or play your guitar or ......
> People often turn to masturbation when they start to feel bored. Find another way to entertain or employ yourself.
> ...


i try to time it so as not to interfere, but honestly if i did it less i would ask for more sex. our sex life is v good. but as i age, i cant do both anymore. it takes me a long time to finish with wife. yea i should replace the habit, but i think im addicted.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Apparently....corn flakes:

Corn Flakes Were Invented as Part of an Anti-Masturbation Crusade | Mental Floss


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Transitioning from private masturbation to masturbation with your wife (if she is willing onto her body), then assisted masturbation from your wife - will be considerably more rewarding. Porn will become very boring if you have some sexual intimacy twice a day - even if it is non-penetrative. Non-sexual intimacy becomes increasingly pleasurable when you reduce or cut out private masturbation. If your wife is not into sex every day you may want to consider the benefits of building up sexual tension etc. 

See it as experimental rather than deprivation. Good luck.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Yea your addicted to porn most likley 

One day at a time sex is much better if you let the pipes back up before sex.

Look up no fap. Very interesting. Theres a whole community that advocates limiting masterbation.

Better vision
More energy
Thinking more clear
Sex is way more intense
Extra time


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

i dont think porn is the issue, i dont need it or use it much. 
my wifes views are that private time is a normal healthy but private activity. she hasn't realized i am asking for help, maybe too subtle. and the inverse nike slogan has been incredibly unsuccessful.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Gseries said:


> i dont think porn is the issue, i dont need it or use it much.
> my wifes views are that private time is a normal healthy but private activity. she hasn't grasped the cries for help, maybe too subtle. and the inverse nike slogan has been incredibly unsuccessful.


So its not something she is willing to do with you??

How often does she like sex? How do you gauge your masturbation time?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Gseries said:


> i dont think porn is the issue, i dont need it or use it much.
> my wifes views are that private time is a normal healthy but private activity. she hasn't grasped the cries for help, maybe too subtle. and the inverse nike slogan has been incredibly unsuccessful.


You say your sex life is very good, so it's *not* like you're deprived. Just because you're oversexed and need to masturbate two times a day on TOP of an already relatively satisfying sex life is your own issue. I say relatively satisfying because I would suppose you'd prefer to have sex two times a day *every *day. Well, I don't know too many women who would be happy to do that but I would imagine they're out there. But they're probably the exception, not the rule.

But your statement about her not having heard your '_cries for help_,' as though your compulsion is somehow HER fault and HER issue to solve, is ludicrous. Your wife wasn't put on this earth solely to be YOUR sexual outlet and it's unfair of you to think that just because *you're* highly sexed, that she has to be one to take care of it.

Go see a doctor for your issue and stop the passive aggressive nonsense about your wife not hearing your 'cries for help.' You're not terminal, for God's sakes.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I can't say I'd be very excited about being used to "transition" from masterbating to sex. 

I don't want to be involved or help you masterbate. Have mutual sex with me or leave me alone. 

Just stop. Keep yourself busy so you're not doing it. I'm sure there is plenty to be done around the house or with your wife. When you feel the urge, go do something else.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

Fasting is good, food, alcohol, masturbation. It adjusts you back to a healthy level, if you're drink too much go dry for a month. If you're eating too much read up on fasting, it will work to adjust your consumption back. There are actually support groups called NoFap and others. 2X a day is a lot but not too crazy. If I'm not getting sex regularly I'll easily do it 2X, morning and night.

Obviously the best way to curb it is to stop watching pornography.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

i didnt mean to imply that this was life or marriage threatening......looking for ways to improve both, hoping that is acceptable here? minor edit above.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Gseries, whether it is healthy or unhealthy, moral or immoral is not really the reason you are here. You posted this because YOU think it is becoming an issue. So as others have suggested, find a positive substitute. Ride your bike, play your guitar, learn a new language, develop a hobby or skill. Whenever you get the urge to masturbate, do that instead. Eventually one habit will replace the other.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Ynot said:


> Gseries, whether it is healthy or unhealthy, moral or immoral is not really the reason you are here. You posted this because YOU think it is becoming an issue. So as others have suggested, find a positive substitute. Ride your bike, play your guitar, learn a new language, develop a hobby or skill. Whenever you get the urge to masturbate, do that instead. Eventually one habit will replace the other.


 update, so far completely unsuccessful..


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Gseries said:


> update, so far completely unsuccessful..


Or you could embrace who you are, behave as you do, accept all of that and carry on happily.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Have you been direct with your wife about this subject?

Have you examined the times, places, circumstances of indulging? Are you using it as a stress reliever? More info will provide better strategies.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

What makes you think that reducing the amount of masturbation will help your life or your marriage?
Is it equally possible that masturbating helps your life and your marriage? If not, why not?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Gseries said:


> update, so far completely unsuccessful..


There was this person that had a problem eating too many french fries, so after a certain point he would purposely poor ketchup all over his plate and ruin his fries as a way to prevent himself from eating too much. 

So how does one apply this wisdom to address the topic of this thread?

Mix oragel into your preferred bottle of lotion. At first you will not notice anything, but after a certain point you'll probably decide to just give up.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Or take a SSRI med. There are a bunch of them. Keep trying different ones. Eventually you will find one that makes it completely impossible for you to orgasm. At that point, there is a good chance masturbation will hold no interest for you. Plus, your wife may enjoy that you can last as long as she wants you to when you have sex. But she might not like that she can't get you off. Still, highly likely to work to eliminate masturbation entirely.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

,.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

OP says he has a hard time finishing with his wife because he masturbates so much.

I'd have a hard time getting excited about having sex with a man who had a hard time finishing with me because he was masturbating multiple times a day.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

With a willing wife you could curb masturbation out completely. Talk with her and let her know your need to release and frequency and ask her to help. I know I cannot go more than 48 hours with a release and usually do not go 24 hours but my wife is willing to make it happen in various ways.


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## Trieste (Nov 28, 2017)

Pornography is a problem when you are really trying to avoid being further stimulated.
I find that is worth the disipline required to reduce the frequency of masturbation because of the increased excitement in pleasuring my DW.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Keep doing it 2x a day, but instead of masturbating, find your partner and get laid instead. You will get a better sexual thrill that way

sometimes i think masturbating is just a lazy way to have sex.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> Keep doing it 2x a day, but instead of masturbating, find your partner and get laid instead. You will get a better sexual thrill that way


It's that easy, folks!


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

The amount of grief you're getting here puzzles me. You say you don't use porn much, so that isn't the problem. You say you have good sex with your wife, so that isn't the problem. You haven't developed aversions or hangups in partner sex because of masturbating, so that isn't the problem. 

The only real issue you mention is lasting too long and feeling like sex could be better with a bigger head of steam. The solution is simple: Masturbate as you like, but refrain from orgasm at least some of the time. Edging will increase your drive for actual sex and improve your control during.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Why?
> 
> What is current frequency? Is it truly too much? Why do you think so? What is the basis of your concern?
> 
> Is it interfering with a relationship? Life in general?


I recon excessive masturbation is often a subconscious distraction/stress relief technique caused from something in life. Escapism lets say.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I don't have an addictive personality, so my only advice would be to "just stop", but that obviously won't help you.

The thing is, you have to _want_ to actually stop. You're not there yet. When you reach that point, you'll stop.

Just about everybody I've known who smoked, for example, and eventually quit, did so on their own. The first few times they tried, they announced it to everyone, they researched it, looked for advice and encouragement, got all prepared, and then... nothing. Failure. Usually this happens multiple times.

When they're actually, really, truly ready to quit smoking, they... just did.

You're in the preliminary stages of wanting to quit this - which is good. But you're not quite there yet - which is okay. One day, I'm sure of it, you'll wake up and simply say "no more". You won't worry about it, research it, look for advice and encouragement, or stress about it - you'll just stop. Until you reach that point, you won't be successful.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

so many good replies. Here are some fill-ins:

"embrace who you are" - agreed, and said that, actually out loud (while alone...) "i just did that and i have no regrets..."

"direct with wife about subject" - i have tried many times. 1)she doesn't see it as a problem and 2)doesn't know why it stresses me and 3)hasn't grasped that it actually does effect her

"stress reliever" 110% yes, but then, is that really a good thing that i'm constantly relieving stress (but potentially adding some)

"does it equally possibly helping my life" - i really don't know. its like i'm here asking you great people to answer that for me  maybe root cause here is that I know it is reducing the amount of intimacy time with my spouse who i also know is probably ok with that (do not read in here that she doesn't like sex or the frequency or me) i think she's ok knowing i have my own avenue and that she is satisfied with what she gets

"French Fries" - hilarious. Then i got serious about what exactly oragel does (assume numbing agent) then i realize this is something i will probably actually do...

"SSRI" have to think about this one

"find your partner" - i agree with this logic, and read a lot about couples who do this - but here's my problem - i KNOW when my wife isn't in to it. I know that sometimes even a slow start might get her into it eventually? But i'm getting too old to make the charity thing work. maybe charity is a wrong word - but can't think of another way to respond. again, not her fault and not blaming her. if i can't resond, that's my problem

"edging" have actual been doing this for a while (but didn't realize it had a name). is a new to the relationship and wife doesn't know anything about it. probably TMI. but that "full" feeling isn't fake - it does increase control and essentially makes it so that when we do make love i pretty much decide when i'm going to finish - if i can get to that point. its getting there that concerns me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If you are without a partner or for some reason, or are not sexually active with anybody, I don’t really see the harm!

If you feel that it’s perhaps impairing in the potential of relationships, then just don’t do it. Ride the bike, jog, walk, hike, anything to take your mind off of it! 

If you do, however, have a relationship partner, then that person is most privy to any solo sexual activity that you may be subjecting yourself to, as it can have a direct and definite impact upon your sex life with that person in your life!*


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You may not have been direct enough with your wife. It seems you are fearful that eventually you won't be able to perform with your wife - is this correct? If so, then she obviously doesn't understand what you have been trying to tell her - so spit it out. I can pretty much guarantee she'll sit up and listen then.

As for the stress, you can find an alternative behavior. Hopefully, something that occupies your hands and doesn't involve your genitals. How about a stroll with hand weights?


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

spit it out...ugh...i will get the "look" and i will be 9 shades of red


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## Trieste (Nov 28, 2017)

Mywife is away and I was doing it every day but have decided to try and stop.
I have gone 9 days so far without having an orgasm. It does have side effects though.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Just an observation.

It sounds to me as though your wife is hoping you will stop bothering her for sex. 

People observe you may not have been direct enough with your wife regarding your concerns. I posit that you have, and your wife understands, and would be content with that result.

You claim your sex life is good, but you are evasive about details. Perhaps you are shy. But perhaps details would reveal your wife has no interest in sex, herself. 

Of course these are just my opinions, and we all know what that means.

I do think if you would be more specific regarding your interactions with your wife the advice you get might be more useful.

Good luck, in any case.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Gseries said:


> spit it out...ugh...i will get the "look" and i will be 9 shades of red


Get over yourself. This is a problem affecting your marriage. Share the truth with your wife. Even if you get the look and feel embarrassed. If you can be daunted by "the look" then your wife will never be able to feel you can keep her safe. If she does not feel you can keep her safe, then you will never receive the full measure of the love she is capable of providing. She wants you to be able to slay dragons. How are you going to be able to slay dragons if you back off as soon as they look at you funny?


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

I masturbate a lot because I orgasm very easily and sometimes I just want to get off. It doesn't have to be a big thing for me and sometimes i do it when i go to the bathroom or just whenever. Like if i'm bored or stressed. It can take less than 30 seconds sometimes.

I've actually tried to stop at various time because i've been raised very religious and I think i do it too much. And the "impure thoughts" that go with it etc. But im less worried about that now but still try not to do it too much. I feel funny about it sometimes. My husband has no idea that I do this.


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## Trieste (Nov 28, 2017)

JustTheWife said:


> I masturbate a lot because I orgasm very easily and sometimes I just want to get off. It doesn't have to be a big thing for me and sometimes i do it when i go to the bathroom or just whenever. Like if i'm bored or stressed. It can take less than 30 seconds sometimes.
> 
> I've actually tried to stop at various time because i've been raised very religious and I think i do it too much. And the "impure thoughts" that go with it etc. But im less worried about that now but still try not to do it too much. I feel funny about it sometimes. My husband has no idea that I do this.


You say 'impure thoughts' but what if you imagine your husband making love to you, doing what you find the most arousing and stimulating; is there anything wrong with doing that do you think?
Your husband would probably really enjoy seeing you do it but I can understand how hard it might be for you to invlove him if you are not sure how he would react.
The only problem that I see with what you are doing is that he is not getting a chance to share in a very attractive part of your sexuality.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Maybe start migrating to healthy masturbation.. that includes pleasuring yourself without using visual stimulation (no porn) or mental stimulation (no made up porn in your head)
Masturbate and enjoy the sensations you give yourself... doing this, sometimes I stop before i even finish because the sensation dies down and i want to do something else.

Many say (including monks) that ejaculating is a release of energy that could be built up and expended towards other manly things... like learning skills, getting a new job, etc.. etc... If your constantly drained of this 'powerful energy' you become a timid couch potato

If your in a relationship, use this new-found energy to find ways to increase her desire for you, and ejaculate with her

I*n the end, its ALL willpower. Do your desires rule you, or do you rule them?*


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Gseries said:


> simple question, has anyone tried to quit or reduce masturbation frequency, and been successful?



If you have a higher and healthier sex drive, the only way to eliminate self masturbation is your spouse takes care of business and your desire for self masturbation should almost disappear....


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## marriedfor27years (Oct 29, 2009)

no


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