# Smacked my verbally abusive husband's mouth and now in a cheap hotel, I had to move o



## Ladycoco (Jul 30, 2016)

*Post deleted*

Sorry had to delete this.. Thanks for all inputs...


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

You were wrong to hit him.

He has problems dealing with frustration and anger.


Does your husband have medical insurance that will cover counseling? Because you seem to need help with your communication.

Everyone fights when they are married. Heated conversations are fine; even good. 

Screaming matches and physical assault are on a different level and don't accomplish anything.

It's good you left the house.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And we needed to know the rating of the hotel because of what, exactly? :scratchhead:

Incidentally, I think counselling is required, here.


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## Ladycoco (Jul 30, 2016)

Thanks for your comment, yes we have an insurance that covers counseling. He was undergoing counseling before actually but he quit. He said he doesn't need it anymore. That was when he had a bad divorce that took 2yrs and it consumed him so much emotionally and financially. I was there for him. I know, I shouldn't have smacked him.. Not sure what to do, go home and apologize? Can't think of what to say. I just hate him for saying a lot of things to me and yelling at me and calling me names after several times I've asked him to stop.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You didn't just physically assault someone, you physically assaulted someone while they were driving, with a child in the car as well. Your husband may be an abusive creep, but what the hell are you?


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## Ladycoco (Jul 30, 2016)

You are right! Things that I need to hear...


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

There is never an excuse for violence, unless defending oneself. 

There is never an excuse for starting violence. 

If your hb is verbally abusive either demand counseling or leave. 

Go home and apologize for putting your hands on him, tell him that is never acceptable. 

Then tell him that you're done living with his nasty mouth, so he can either deal with that or you're gone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Apologize for your actions. Mean it. You prove you mean it bt stating that you will both be going for help with communication. Dont make it optional...you know the problems, take the steps to fix them.

It can get better
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ladycoco (Jul 30, 2016)

Really thank you! 😔
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

If it were the other way around, everyone would be telling the wife to call the police and go to a women's shelter. Why is it different if the woman is the abuser?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

karole said:


> If it were the other way around, everyone would be telling the wife to call the police and go to a women's shelter. Why is it different if the woman is the abuser?


This.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

karole said:


> If it were the other way around, everyone would be telling the wife to call the police and go to a women's shelter. Why is it different if the woman is the abuser?


This is just my point of view...i could be wrong...but the advice would be different simply due to level of danger....as a young man, i recieved plenty of slaps from women. Usually well earned. I never did feel worried for my safety after the slap. 

Right or wrong a man striking a woman is power based violence. The woman striking the man tends to be frustration based, and unlikely to produce physical damage.

That is not to say that physical assualt is ever ok
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

karole said:


> If it were the other way around, everyone would be telling the wife to call the police and go to a women's shelter. Why is it different if the woman is the abuser?


I know a woman who slapped a man and he took her to court. The judge apparently laughed him out. It was like David and Goliath. Maybe if she'd used a slingshot she would've been able to do some damage.

Violence is never the answer and I've never slapped a person, man, woman or child in my entire life (or attacked in anger). This however, would be because I've led a fairly good life and I wasn't abused as a kid or suffered abuse from a spouse or felt physically threatened enough to lash out.

In the case of a person who is larger and meaner subjecting their smaller spouse to frequent and violent outbursts, even if not physical, is to place that person in a state of near-constant fear. Why is this okay but her lashing out not? Because we don't count it as crossing that line until it has become physical. We don't see the psychological impact on her up to this point. It doesn't excuse what she did, and she was definitely wrong, but if what she says is true, I would consider her an emotionally battered spouse.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There has to be a line somewhere and I draw it at physical assault. 

Verbal statements can be terrible, and the victim has every right to leave. I don't see them as criminal unless they are combined with a threat (direct or implied) of harm.

Physical assaults come in a range of severity from a slap to murder. Because of the danger of escalation I think any physical assault should be taken very seriously and considered criminal.


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## Ladycoco (Jul 30, 2016)

Just to let everyone know. Hb and I both agreed to get counseling. It all worked out. We both have personal issues to settle. I felt terrible of slapping him, I asked him an apology and he forgave me. We both love each other and it really hurts to be in this situation. I'm thankful for your thoughts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Greygeese (May 10, 2016)

*Re: Post deleted*

Early in my marriage my wife got frustrated and punched me and I did nothing. Another time she popped me with a wet towel also in frustration. I grabbed a frying pan and slapped her on the butt. That was the last of anybody hitting each other. She still brings up that frying pan.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Ladycoco said:


> Just to let everyone know. Hb and I both agreed to get counseling. It all worked out. We both have personal issues to settle. I felt terrible of slapping him, I asked him an apology and he forgave me. We both love each other and it really hurts to be in this situation. I'm thankful for your thoughts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No offense, but agreeing to counseling does not equate to "all worked out." All he did was put a bandaid on a gaping wound. Your husband is verbally abusive, you can pretty much bank on there being no long term changing in his behavior. Not without serious therapy and effort on his part. He will continue this cycle of abusing, apologizing (if that's what you call it), promising change to reel you back in, quiet for a stretch of time, then abusing you again. This will go on as long as you allow it by sticking around.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Is her verbally abusive or does he react to negative stimuli?


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