# wifey and sex.....



## blkcpl4u2c (Jan 26, 2012)

hello all here is my situation.......the wife and i have married for just over 10 years,as with all marriages sex was great in the beginning(all the time everywhere)now not so much. the wife says she just isnt in the mood as much as i am but i found out she has "fun in the shower" almost daily,now i dont have a problem wit that at all:smthumbup: i just want her to add me to the fun sometime.....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The problem is with the rest of your marriage. Fix that and the sex will come back.

Tell us about things.

How old are the two of you?
Do you have children? How man and how old?
Does your wife have a job?
Do you?

How much time do you and your spend doing things together, just the two of you?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Eroticism begins at breakfast and continues through out the day. Sneaky touching on the bum, little pats and rubs (not groping) whisper in her ear, wrap you arms around her from behind and kiss her neck... You should be doing those things all day long.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

How did you fimd out she has fun in the shower?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Thound said:


> How did you fimd out she has fun in the shower?


VAR the shower stall. Change that shower massager head pronto!:rofl:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> The problem is with the rest of your marriage. Fix that and the sex will come back.
> 
> Tell us about things.
> 
> ...


while I don't disagree with this. Its really passive agressive to with hold sex and masterbate when you have a loving willing partner. Why wouldn't she just say I feel disconnected and would love to spend more time together. 

I say call her on it and open the line of comunication. Don't do it in a crappy judgemental way just say you would like to open up to eachother and strenghten your marriage.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> while I don't disagree with this. Its really passive agressive to with hold sex and masterbate when you have a *loving* willing partner. Why wouldn't she just say I feel disconnected and would love to spend more time together.
> 
> I say call her on it and open the line of comunication. Don't do it in a crappy judgemental way just say you would like to open up to eachother and strenghten your marriage.


A warm body with an erection doesn't make a person loving.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> A warm body with an erection doesn't make a person loving.


it dosen't make them unloving either.

But a person passive agressive with holding love dosen't make one loving either.

does a person being responcible with providing for their mate make them loving?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> it dosen't make them unloving either.
> 
> But a person passive agressive with holding love dosen't make one loving either.
> 
> does a person being responcible with providing for their mate make them loving?


This is true and I don't think anyone has assumed that the OP is an unloving person. But as we've seen countless times, meeting a spouse's emotional needs is how they feel love. If your top emotional need goes unmet, you don't feel their love. 

You can't assume his wife is being passive aggressive, nor can we assume he isn't meeting her emotional needs. The OP needs to come back and fill in the blanks.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> This is true and I don't think anyone has assumed that the OP is an unloving person. But as we've seen countless times, meeting a spouse's emotional needs is how they feel love. If your top emotional need goes unmet, you don't feel their love.
> 
> You can't assume his wife is being passive aggressive, nor can we assume he isn't meeting her emotional needs. The OP needs to come back and fill in the blanks.


while more info is helpful her masterbating and not comming to her husband is definiantly a passive agressive move.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

Anon Pink said:


> Eroticism begins at breakfast and continues through out the day. Sneaky touching on the bum, little pats and rubs (not groping) whisper in her ear, wrap you arms around her from behind and kiss her neck... You should be doing those things all day long.


I agree one thing that has turned our sex life around is the little Text messages that goes back and forth all day and the grabs and touches that happen unnoticed to others in the room.

I have to work on my kissing though it seems I fall short in giving her enough unprompted kisses during the day.

A good question to ask her is what does the perfect husband look like in her eyes.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> while more info is helpful her masterbating and not comming to her husband is definiantly a passive agressive move.


Not necessarily. When you're kinda angry at your spouse but at the same time horny, rubbing one out might make the conflict less tense.

We just don't know enough yet.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

It might also be that her sexual needs aren't being met.

We hear a lot about women's emotional needs, and I get why: these are important. Certainly I wouldn't want sex with someone I was losing respect for or resented.

But for me, anyway, the main reason I would turn to masturbation over sex with my h would be that I would get to have the orgasm I want, and not have to deal with the resentment cause by crappy sex.

Too many guys seem to think because they got off, the sex was good, but she may have a very different than perspective. And he may not want to hear it.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Eroticism begins at breakfast and continues through out the day. Sneaky touching on the bum, little pats and rubs (not groping) whisper in her ear, wrap you arms around her from behind and kiss her neck... You should be doing those things all day long.


Jealous.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon all
There are all sorts of possible reasons for this. We can all speculate based on our own experience, but really he has to ask her.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

blkcpl4u2c said:


> hello all here is my situation.......the wife and i have married for just over 10 years,as with all marriages sex was great in the beginning(all the time everywhere)now not so much. the wife says she just isnt in the mood as much as i am but i found out she has "fun in the shower" almost daily,now i dont have a problem wit that at all:smthumbup: i just want her to add me to the fun sometime.....


 Then let her know that if she's going to short change you and lie that she's not in the mood and then has sex with a shower nozzle then tell her to ask the nozzle if it makes enough to support her because your getting nothing out of this deal. 

Time to open your mouth and call her out on it and if she gets embarrassed about it then it's her problem for lying to you.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> A warm body with an erection doesn't make a person loving.


This post is sig worthy :smthumbup:


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

6301 said:


> Then let her know that if she's going to short change you and lie that she's not in the mood and then has sex with a shower nozzle then tell her to ask the nozzle if it makes enough to support her because your getting nothing out of this deal.
> 
> Time to open your mouth and call her out on it and if she gets embarrassed about it then it's her problem for lying to you.


Maybe she earns enough to support the hubby and the shower nozzle.

The posts that automatically assume the wife has no career just grinds my gears


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> while I don't disagree with this. Its really passive agressive to with hold sex and masterbate when you have a loving willing partner. Why wouldn't she just say I feel disconnected and would love to spend more time together.
> 
> I say call her on it and open the line of comunication. Don't do it in a crappy judgemental way just say you would like to open up to eachother and strenghten your marriage.


Having sex with him won't solve marital problems for her. Sex may solve his problems which, may not include hers. If she has sex with her husband, he may think everything is ok and not address her problems. She is right back to the situation that made her decrease sex with him in the first place. This is hypothetical of course and in response to your post.



OP, do you think your wife is withholding because she is mean? Does she show love in other ways, is she otherwise loving toward you, does she have orgasms and enjoy sex, has she told you about problems that you have not addressed? This is a bit of a paradox maybe but I'll ask anyway, do you feel respected in other areas of your relationship given that lack of sexual satisfaction may seem disrespectful. 

This is tricky. One set of assumption may be wrong and send you in the wrong direction. The way you approach this has a lot to do with the quality of your relationship in areas other than sex, the presence of small children, her employment status, the amount of busy work she does, etc. Can you give more info about these things?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Personally, I'm curious as to how the OP came about his username.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

6301 said:


> Then let her know that if she's going to short change you and lie that she's not in the mood and then has sex with a shower nozzle then tell her to ask the nozzle if it makes enough to support her because your getting nothing out of this deal.
> 
> Time to open your mouth and call her out on it and if she gets embarrassed about it then it's her problem for lying to you.


I agree they should discuss it, but he is right to seek advice before laying in to her. Being confrontational may backfire. What's to stop her from defending herself against accusations of lying? Resentment and anger will not make her want to have sex. He wants to get the problems out of the way of between them so they can come together, not increase the gulf. 

I've seen a number of post that suggest an angry and sometimes demanding approach. I have never read of a poster who reported back that his wife begins to have sex as a result. It's understandable to be frustrated and angry about denial of sex, and lack of transparency in this case. 

She is wrong. She knows he is unhappy with their sex life, yet she does not tell him that she'd rather have sex with water than him and why. He has the right to at lest know if it is fixable or not. To me, its like a man masturbating to porn while denying his wife. Do people get addicted to masturbation with water? :scratchhead:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

pidge70 said:


> Personally, I'm curious as to how the OP came about his username.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Looks like he is not coming back to tell.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> I agree they should discuss it, but he is right to seek advice before laying in to her. Being confrontational may backfire. What's to stop her from defending herself against accusations of lying? Resentment and anger will not make her want to have sex. He wants to get the problems out of the way of between them so they can come together, not increase the gulf.
> 
> I've seen a number of post that suggest an angry and sometimes demanding approach. I have never read of a poster who reported back that his wife begins to have sex as a result. It's understandable to be frustrated and angry about denial of sex, and lack of transparency in this case.
> 
> She is wrong. She knows he is unhappy with their sex life, yet she does not tell him that she'd rather have sex with water than him and why. He has the right to at lest know if it is fixable or not. To me, its like a man masturbating to porn while denying his wife. What would we say in that situation? We should say the same thing here but in keeping with this unique circumstance. Do people get addicted to masturbation with water? :scratchhead:


 I wont argue with you on what your saying. If he knows that she's getting her kicks from the shower head and blowing him off, then yeah you talk about it but when she tells him either no or I'm not in the mood which in other words is lying to him while knocking on off with a pulse of water, then he has every right to be pissed and lay it on the line. 

Maybe if he did that she would tell him what's on her mind either that he's a dud in bed or she needs something he hasn't provided for her. But don't lie about not being in the mood and twenty minuets later come out of the bathroom breathing real heavy and every bit as sweaty as you were before you went in.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

6301 said:


> I wont argue with you on what your saying. If he knows that she's getting her kicks from the shower head and blowing him off, then yeah you talk about it but when she tells him either no or I'm not in the mood which in other words is lying to him while knocking on off with a pulse of water, then he has every right to be pissed and lay it on the line.
> 
> Maybe if he did that she would tell him what's on her mind either that he's a dud in bed or she needs something he hasn't provided for her. But don't lie about not being in the mood and twenty minuets later come out of the bathroom breathing real heavy and every bit as sweaty as you were before you went in.


The problem with this thread is that the OP is not coming back.

For all we know she has told him a gazillion times that the issues are and they are significant issues. But they are not his issues so he ignores them. IF this is the case... I would not blame her for not wanting sex with him.

But we will never know, speculating and then arguing over the speculations gets us nowhere.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

I personally would be a little more assertive in dealing with her. If she is in the shower stall getting off, I would just unannounced enter the shower stall, and start rubbing her. If I could get her to cum in the shower, she MIGHT like it better than masturbating by herself. Also, she might feel the need to reciprocate, and provide some soapy fun to me. THAT would be a step in the right direction. No discussion needed, just some action.

IF she starts enjoying the dual showers....then it might respark some fun outside of the shower.

And just FYI, a product called "summers eve cleansing wash" is just about perfect for her soapy fun. You do NOT want to use plain soap.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> I personally would be a little more assertive in dealing with her. If she is in the shower stall getting off, I would just unannounced enter the shower stall, and start rubbing her. If I could get her to cum in the shower, she MIGHT like it better than masturbating by herself. Also, she might feel the need to reciprocate, and provide some soapy fun to me. THAT would be a step in the right direction. No discussion needed, just some action.


Personally, I LOVE this idea! Love love love this idea!




> And just FYI, a product called "summers eve cleansing wash" is just about perfect for her soapy fun. You do NOT want to use plain soap.


You don't want to use anything other than water *inside* the vagina!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

What about saliva?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> You don't want to use anything other than water *inside* the vagina!


yes I do not. But rubbing the vagina lips with just water...there needs to be SOME sort of lubricant. Soap just dries out the skin and screws up the PH. The summers eve seems to provide lubrication without any after-effect, such as yeast problems.

I am all ears if you have some other way to keep it lubricated in the shower!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> What about saliva?


well its not that practical. 

You can certainly lick and suck nipples while the shower is running. your head is high enough for that that you can still breath.

But actually kneeling down and licking a vag while the shower is running...I would probably drown. And any saliva would wash off around 10 seconds later.


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## blkcpl4u2c (Jan 26, 2012)

Thound said:


> How did you fimd out she has fun in the shower?


 walked in while she was showering and heard her....


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> yes I do not. But rubbing the vagina lips with just water...there needs to be SOME sort of lubricant. Soap just dries out the skin and screws up the PH. The summers eve seems to provide lubrication without any after-effect, such as yeast problems.
> 
> I am all ears if you have some other way to keep it lubricated in the shower!





murphy5 said:


> well its not that practical.
> 
> You can certainly lick and suck nipples while the shower is running. your head is high enough for that that you can still breath.
> 
> But actually kneeling down and licking a vag while the shower is running...I would probably drown. And any saliva would wash off around 10 seconds later.


No you won't drown, I promise.  You just have to work on the right positioning so that the water doesn't drip over your nose.

But if you talking about using your hand, water alone will lubricate just fine especially if the water is running down your arm or down her belly.

Shaving foam for bikini area is also a possibility. 

I personally don't think anyone should buy any product marketed to women to keep their vagina clean. It is not necessary, is often harmful, and it plays on women's insecurity about her vag. So on principal, even if the Summer's Eve is only being used on her vulva, don't give that company your money!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Interesting username.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Maybe she is bitter because you call her "wifey".


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

chillymorn said:


> while more info is helpful her masterbating and not comming to her husband is definiantly a passive agressive move.


No, it's not passive-aggressive. passive-aggressive is intentional, you want the other person hurt. In this case we do not know if she does it to hurt him, or this is simply her preference. For some reason, she'd rather do it by herself, than wiht him, which means there is emotional disconnect in the marriage. Why, we do not know.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

blkcpl4u2c said:


> walked in while she was showering and heard her....


Well. Have you barged in on her to play yet??


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Looks like he is not coming back to tell.


Don't blame him. You have a guy that desires his wife, is concerned that she likes to pleasure herself but won't get intimate with him, and there are the usual suspects here assuming the worst about him.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Diabolical. I like it.


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