# My TOO BIG friend is lonely. Need advice.



## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Hello, Ladies. 

I have a friend who is also a client of mine professionally. He has a rather unique problem that is seriously impacting his happiness, and I thought I would try to vett him some ideas.

He is a very nice person, never married, no kids. His problem is that his penis is about 12 inches long and as thick as a tube of cookie dough. A BIG tube of cookie dough. 

In addition to this, he suffers from a rare form of priapism, which means he has an erection most of the time. He has to wear biker compression shorts to keep it compressed to his thigh to avoid drawing unwanted attention. He's a very sensitive person and does not like to have to share his private issues with each new potential date, so it severely limits how much he puts himself out there in the dating pool, which is not good, because he knows that only a very limited number of women will be interested in him once they find out. It literally scares a lot of women away. 

I am not making any of this up. I have seen him in "revealing" clothes, and this is a real problem for him and it's causing him a great deal of sadness. 

I tried to cheer him up a little, I told him that I have seen toys built like he is, and somebody must be buying them, or they wouldn't be so readily available. 

I had seen his dating profile on a site we both use, and I mentioned to him that I noticed that he had not made any reference to his unique..build..and that I thought that certain women might be attracted by that ...feature. He does not feel hopeful of finding a woman who can accommodate him. He hates having to go through the whole discussion over and over. He told me that they do not do reduction surgeries for that. He takes medication which only partly helps. He's stuck with it.

My question is this: what ideas do you have for how he could seek a partner with better chances of finding someone who might be a "fit" for him? How could he word his profile so that it does not sound creepy or boastful (he's neither) and still give women a sense of what he's up against? I am a very creative person, but I'm having a difficult time trying to think of ways to help him. 

I know this is one of those things that it's hard to resist poking fun at, and you're only human, so whatever, do your worst. But also remember that this has been keeping this poor guy lonely for 20+ years, and give some thoughtful advice, too, if you can. Thanks for your ideas.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I know for sure there'll be women out there who would find a way to accommodate him. How to let them know without sounding like a pervert or boasting is a bit of a dilemma though. That said, does he want to find someone because they like large penises and may/may not come to like him, or does he want to find someone who likes him and may/may not like large penises?

That said, he's tired of having the conversation over and over, so maybe being straight up about it in his profile may avoid this, but I doubt it. I think it would actually make that issue worse. It would become a topic of conversation before everything else. People may want to talk to him just because of that and not because of any great interest in him.

There's no easy answer here, but if he feels that a different approach is worth trying, I would suggest he be just completely honest about it. He should include the info that you have here in your post. It'll open him up to some negative comments, but I think, if it comes from the heart, if it includes his difficulties in finding a partner and his discomfort in having to discuss it again and again, he may find some very compassionate ladies out there.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If I were him, I'd spend the good money for the professional dating sites (match.com, etc.) and in it, tell the truth about his situation. That way, he doesn't waste the time of people who would be turned off, and he brings in the people who don't have that problem.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I agree with Turnera. From my point of view, if I were a single woman, I wouldn't mind such a situation if it was something I went into with both eyes open.... meaning, just be up front about it and describe everything pretty much just the way you did. Here's why: if he is a neat man, then guess what? I could intelligently choose to continue because I liked him enough to work it out--or I could intelligently say "sorry I'm not up to dealing with that." 

In my mind, EVERYONE has some baggage or physical flaw or issue. The point is that you find someone to whom you're willing to say "Hey whatever your deal is, I'm willing to work on it together as a team because of who YOU are." Right? 

Some women like an endowment like that. Some women are more flexible and could find the size enjoyable. And even if that's difficult, there are plenty of other ways to interact physically in addition to PIV! So as long as he's honest and whoever responds is getting involved knowing what's they're "getting into" ... then it should be cool. 

Likewise with the priapism. Hey my Dear Hubby has lung issues. Another guy has heart issues. Your friend has penis issues. Seriously it's not really the center of the universe--just a body part.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

he needs to find a size queen they are out there as someone that is bigger I have crossed paths with them when I was younger

i dont know how to word it to not sound boastful he11 i used to ask my girl now my wife if she wanted a 5 or a 10 ala boogie nights and i am not packen the world changer your buddy is 

he can maybe see the guy that did the reduction on the kid with the football sized penis Teenager has world's first penis REDUCTION surgery | Daily Mail Online or do porn and find a fan or a nude beach, ladies will know then and they can come to him or maybe work on a boat http://www.defense.gov/dodcmsshare/homepagephoto/2015-02/hires_150219-N-VO234-026c.jpg 

bad jokes aside he has to except who he is or any woman will smell the noconfidence coming off of him and he can forget a second date much less sex


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## Amorous (May 14, 2015)

What an awkward problem to have, yikes!


Affaircare said:


> The point is that you find someone to whom you're willing to say "Hey whatever your deal is, I'm willing to work on it together as a team because of who YOU are


Great advice, I too think he should not focus on it or even mention it on his profile until he makes a strong connection. I would focus on finding an open minded kind of woman instead, an MD or a nurse would be great options I think, less hassle explaining due their knowledge in anatomy and less likely to get scared off. Of course a loving patient one would do regardless of her profession or age, but this issue needs mental and sexual maturity for sure... So those should be at the top of his list in his search.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Tell the truth and use the marketing tools that are proven aka the dating sites. 

It doesn't matter how many take a pass. It only matters how many are intrigued by his features. 

I liked the efficiency of the dating sites where I met my wife of 16 years because I was able to cast a wide net out to those interested and those that were eliminated by my profile preferences or that I eliminated because of their profile preferences wasted no one's time chasing after bad "fits"

The truth will set him free. 

This is not complicated in light of the popularity of the truth and the proven effectiveness of online dating sites. 

There is a poll on TAM about how spouses met. Online was number 2 after at work.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

It's not complicated, but it may be difficult for him to find someone who loves him for him, and not for his "other" qualities.

This, I think, is his main problem. Finding someone who he knows is with him for the right reasons, not a huge penis. Which is why he may want to keep this off any dating profiles. Wait til the 3rd date before bringing it up. Enough time to get comfortable, not enough time to feel like you wasted it with somebody.


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## Kresaera (Nov 8, 2014)

Wow, and I thought I had it rough with my husband. I agree with the legit dating sites, Match.com etc and maybe not putting it out there until the 3rd date or so. I don't have much experience in the dating scene as I've been with someone since I was 15 (33 now) but I know a few Match success stories. 

I wish him good luck!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Pretty much just agree with turnera. It is his best chance to find an accommodating woman. There are a small percentage of women that would actually be very happy with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

How many women here could accomodate him? Any hands raised?

Wouldnt the great majority of women look down at their vajayjay and run?

Had a female friend in college. Blunt as hell. Loved guys who were "like 8 inches" which is well above the median. Turned down a guy who was "much bigger". Friend of a friend has same thing. 47 and single. Calls it his curse.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

weightlifter said:


> How many women here could accomodate him? Any hands raised?
> 
> Wouldnt the great majority of women look down at their vajayjay and run?
> 
> Had a female friend in college. Blunt as hell. Loved guys who were "like 8 inches" which is well above the median. Turned down a guy who was "much bigger". Friend of a friend has same thing. 47 and single. Calls it his curse.


Here's my honest opinion: I'd like to get to know him first based on personality, goals, morals, values, compatibility, and physical attraction before he disclosed this issue to me. If all that I mentioned was there before this was disclosed, I'd be willing to try to at least TRY and see if it could be overcome. Who knows....maybe I'd love it.... 

I think I'd be much more apt to give it a try with WTB (way too big) than WTS....if that helps at all.... I think that might have to do with my assumption that someone with a WTB problem would be more tender and gentle than someone with a WTS problem who might feel like he had something to prove....


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## Amorous (May 14, 2015)

weightlifter said:


> How many women here could accomodate him? Any hands raised?
> 
> Wouldnt the great majority of women look down at their vajayjay and run?
> 
> Had a female friend in college. Blunt as hell. Loved guys who were "like 8 inches" which is well above the median. Turned down a guy who was "much bigger". Friend of a friend has same thing. 47 and single. Calls it his curse.


*It is a curse*, a guy like that will probably not be able to enjoy a quikie or oral sex like other guys do. But if he starts talking about his penis before we met or on the first date I would simply run without considering he might be the most awesome guy ever... Because an awesome guy will not focus on his negative points, or health issue or bad luck.

I must admit I was quite intimidated first time I slept with hubby, he is very very thick, never experienced something like that. But I was head over heels by that point so I got to confirm that things can get quite stretchy down there if there is enough arousal, hubby was used to making sure that was the case, thank god.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> Hello, Ladies.
> 
> .....
> 
> I know this is one of those things that it's hard to resist poking fun at, and you're only human, so whatever, do your worst. But also remember that this has been keeping this poor guy lonely for 20+ years, and give some thoughtful advice, too, if you can. Thanks for your ideas.


Sorry, I'm no lady...but the title draw my attention.

It should be no problem for him if he reversed the process of handling this. Advocate first the issue of his penis, and then select the ladies coming on his path.

So you know beforehand the one lady that attracts him on all the character based connections, will not in the end have a problem with his penis.

The choice will be his instead of the other way around, which obviously has not worked out well for him.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If she is in love, a woman can work to accommodate quite a large unit. Probably not all the length though.

Probably no quickies but with a lot of foreplay, it could work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

intheory said:


> The problem is that if he attracts women because of his size; then what happens if at some point in the future, he becomes paralyzed or otherwise impotent.?? His penis was a major part of the attraction, and now that's gone.
> 
> As tempting as it may be to discuss this upfront; I don't think it's the _best_ idea. Especially since he sounds kind of sensitive.
> 
> I think if he found a woman who was attracted to him for his _overall_ looks and personality; then they could somehow work around the physical aspects of sex, if his size was a bit challenging for her.


I don't think the OP was suggesting he might want to disclose his size up front as a way of attracting women, but more as a way of disclosing it as a possible turnoff to weed out women from the get-go that just would not be able to deal with it (to save him some heartache).


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Talk about the grass always being greener on the other side of the fence lol!


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## Propel (Aug 1, 2014)

Its a difficult problem, but ultimately I think he needs to be upfront about it. Not frank, but subtlety. So something akin to, "I love sex and pleasing my partner. However, in the past my size has been an issue. If you are still interest, despite knowing that, then lets talk.." Basically acknowledging size is an issue, but not revealing what end of the spectrum is the issue. From there, field questions about it by saying why don't we get to know each other first, then I'll feel comfortable talking about it.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Poor guy. Let me add him to my list of people I feel sorry for. I think I have a spot open between Bill Gates and Channing Tatum. 

Seriously though, I'd say be upfront. I would imagine not a lot of women would even be willing to try something that big. If they are I'm in worse shape than I ever thought.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I don't know that there is really a way to raise this until it gets to the point where he has gone out with someone a few times and things look like they're going in the direction of sex. At that point, he should probably bring it up, before entering the bedroom for sure. I'm not going to say every woman would be able to accommodate that, but most women would work with what they have so to speak if they are really drawn to someone. If they're not willing to even try, surely that's a sign that they're not really compatible and/or not a very compassionate human being, which has got to be a pretty unattractive thing for your friend anyway, right?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> Hello, Ladies.
> 
> I have a friend who is also a client of mine professionally. He has a rather unique problem that is seriously impacting his happiness, and I thought I would try to vett him some ideas.
> 
> ...


Never thought I'd say anything even remotely resembling this, but here goes...

Damn. Poor guy.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I don't think he should disclose it right away. Find out if he even likes the girl first. Why should he have to give away such personal info straight away? Wait until there is some connection first...I wouldn't want to disclose this to everyone on a dating site and I wouldn't want someone to like or not like me for the size of genitals. I think once you have a connection...you would want to try to make it work somehow. I wouldn't rule out oral for Too Big and although I don't think I could accomodate that for PIV...I would certainly be willing to try other things for someone I grew to love. It's a tricky problem but not insurmountable.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

intheory said:


> The problem is that if he attracts women because of his size; then what happens if at some point in the future, he becomes paralyzed or otherwise impotent.?? His penis was a major part of the attraction, and now that's gone.
> 
> As tempting as it may be to discuss this upfront; I don't think it's the _best_ idea. Especially since he sounds kind of sensitive.
> 
> I think if he found a woman who was attracted to him for his _overall_ looks and personality; then they could somehow work around the physical aspects of sex, if his size was a bit challenging for her.


That would be the right thing to do when you start. But after so many years of misery? Reverse order to see where that leads.

He could become a 'porn star' first and go from there. There must be a reason for his handicap.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> My question is this: what ideas do you have for how he could seek a partner with better chances of finding someone who might be a "fit" for him? How could he word his profile so that it does not sound creepy or boastful (he's neither) and still give women a sense of what he's up against? I am a very creative person, but I'm having a difficult time trying to think of ways to help him.


Any man talking about his wang on his dating profile would get an immediate "next" from me.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

You said do your worst so . . . .
Usually when I see a post like this I'm tempted to remind the OP that this forum is not for advertising. . . 
But I checked and you have posted a lot, and this seems to be genuine. Unfortunately This is a problem I've never had and never will. I will say that what is keeping this person lonely is his own feelings about himself. In other words what is between his ears and not what is between his legs. The sad truth is at his age most men are so set in their ways that transitioning to a committed relationship is almost impossible, regardless of physical limitations.
MN


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

As a woman, would I bypass someone as a potential partner if I knew up front about his penis issue? When you describe the size, I might. If it is so huge that intercourse would potentially always be painful, I'd have to pass. But I know there are vaginas out there that can accomodate someone his size, it's a matter of finding one. Or there might be women who would be okay with perpetual oral and no intercourse. The fact that he almost always has a boner is kind of hot, actually, but I get that not everyone would agree.

In terms of disclosure, I think he's better off going on one or two dates first, getting in some hints about how awesome he is at oral, and then disclosing. I think by putting it on his profile he is scaring off people who might otherwise think twice if they get to know him. But I appreciate people who are open and honest on their profile and anyone who isn't willing to respond because of that - good riddance, right? I think either could work. But I also agree it's about his attitude. His pool of partners is smaller, but it exists. He just needs to be persistent.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Sometimes a troll has to deal with their issues, some days they win.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Go to any adult industry for an audition.

I guarantee you he'll get a job as a male porn star fast making huge money.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> Go to any adult industry for an audition.
> 
> I guarantee you he'll get a job as a male porn star fast making *huge* money.


I see what you did there...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

You noticed that....heh heh.


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## BBF (May 21, 2015)

Actually, there is an online support group for men and the women who love them. Perhaps he could fine advice and understanding there. I have. 

Not sure about rules here for giving out specific information, but if one were to google large (body part) support group, the answer would pop up.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

If it were me, as a woman, I would much prefer to like/love him for who he is first...then I am quite sure we could work out the rest of the details at the appropriate time.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

He sounds like the very guy my ex has been looking for since before we married. Fortunately, I don't have any way to contact her since she has been homeless for the last eighteen months so I can't help him.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Dash 74 gave me a link to the story about the teen with the football sized one that was the first surgery. I emailed it to him, as though I had found it myself searching Google. He was really quick to blow it out of the water, saying nope nope nope, his doc had said there was no way to correct it surgically. ( I get it that when his doc told him that, there WAS no way. But now THERE IS. So, some denial and avoidance there. I can empathize that if I had his situation, the thought of surgery would not sound wonderful to me, either.) But at least now he knows, whether he's willing to admit it to himself or not is another matter. The support group idea is a good idea. He's a bit too shy for porn, and has a 6 figure job he enjoys, so... he'll figure it out.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Thanks for your thoughts.


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