# Husband watches porn ALL the time..should I be worried?



## starbrite (Aug 14, 2011)

Any opinions from the men would really be appreciated. I guess my husband doesn't know what "cookies" are...I've seen him on the computer almost every time I come home from work, or anywhere for that matter. If he thinks I'm going to be gone for any length of time..he's watching it. So, I check it out one day (and have now for several months) and boom...always looking at porn. I've actually seen some trailers he's watched of man/man having sex!!! This has only been a few times, but REALLY?? Should I be worried that my husband has homosexeual thoughts or fantasies?? Am I in denial?? Any thoughts appreciated...especially some of you guys...please help me out here!


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I am not a man, but I believe there is a lot of evidence that porn is harmful to relationships.

It certainly doesn't help the connection between two people.

If he is watching it all the time I see that as a problem. Personally i would want to have an open dialogue about sex, fantasies and masturbation.

In my relationship I prefer that we be able to turn to each other for sexual satisfaction. I would rather he came to me and am open for that. I really hope he is the same way and would prefer I came to him. 

I believe that when two people focus on each other instead of others (and porn) and look for the attractive things in each, if they flirt and are sexual with each it strengthens sexual connections and marriages. Both people need to be on board with this though.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Lots of men enjoy porn, as do women (prob more than women though, considering how it's usually portrayed)...it isn't necessarily a big deal if it's not a frequent habit, but it can be addicting, especially online. Don't think it means he doesn't dig you...he does, or he wouldn't be with you. But if it's ruining your sex life and impacting your relationship you should confront him calmly and firmly, tell him you understand why he'd watch it (maybe offer to join him if you're open to it), but you want him to do that to YOU (and vice versa) and you're concerned it may be slowing him down when it comes to satisfying you. Ask him to drop it for a couple weeks, *check up on his cookies and history*, and see if he doesn't come running to you in a couple days.

Also, if you try surfing for adult material, you will inadvertantly come across a link to something you didn't intend. So I wouldn't say he's necessarily "watched" any homoerotic stuff he came across, but the cookie remains. That said, it is certainly possible. I'd not worry about it unless sex life suffers, or if you consistently find that material in his history.

Overall, if it keeps up though, you may have to talk to him again. Can't imagine excessive watching of porn by one party in a relationship could ever be good for the long term.


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## WorldsApart (May 5, 2011)

If your really concerned with his activities, get a nanny cam, and set it up so you can see the screen and him. As Shamwow said, one wrong click and your seeing something you don't have any intrest in.

Porn is like alcohol, romance novels, or anything else really- It's fine in moderation. It becomes a problem when it's used as a replacement.

Are you satisified with your sex life? Have you had an honest conversation with your husband with his level of satisfaction?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Have you discussed how you feel about this with him? That would be the first step - and really listen to what it is he says in response.

How is your sex life together? Is it fulfilling for both of you?

Do you feel like he is neglecting you by filling up his tank with porn and that he has nothing left for you?

Do you feel like there may be unmet needs that he has but isn't able/willing to verbalize them?

God Bless.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My friend's husband had/has an addiction to porn. He even lost his job (at a church) for looking at it on work computers. It was ruining their marriage and their sex life.

She left him the day he came to her and said he touched their 2 year old daughter. She has never gone back and they are now divorced.

She went into therapy for this and did a TON of research about porn addiction and she said it's a gateway to so many things. 

I don't know what I would do in your situation, but my heart breaks for you.


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## jusplainlazy (Aug 15, 2011)

First things first. How is your sex life? 
If he tells you he is not in the mood and still doing this it should send up a red flag and you should call him out on it. 
Now if it is the other way around and he always wants it from you and you do not wish to partake, then you should be very carful in the way you approach it. If you are denying him on a regular basis then telling him not to do this he will immediatly see this as a control issue i.e. "if she doesn't wish to help me with it and I am not cheating then what is the problem". 
If you guys both seem to be fufiled with your sex life then you should probibly ask him about it aslo.


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## starbrite (Aug 14, 2011)

Thank you guys (and gals) for the opinions. Our sex life is fine...it just hurts me to see him look at these things so regularly. He's even come home at lunch to browse. To me, that's a problem. Also the gay porn he's looked at...by the names of the trailers, there was no clicking on it by mistake. That really bothers me. Curious?? Who knows. I don't like it though. :-( Thank you all for the help. Very greatly appreciated!


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