# He is still in the house



## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

So awkward. It's been less than 2 weeks since he said he wants a separation. As much as I wish he would stay and change his mind, I know he is going to leave. I think he is looking for a place. Right now he is upstairs in the spare bedroom, the kids are out and I'm downstairs sulking and reaching out for help. 
This whole thing doesn't seem to be bothering him. I'm just wondering how many "separated" couples still live in the same house and deal with it. We are not talking at the moment and it's killing me. Do I force myself to do the 180 like nothing is bothering me? We have so many thigns to discuss, but I don't think he can look at me in the face since he knows he turned my world upside down.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

it always seems to be me posting on your threads but I can really relate to your situation
my H moved out for five days, came back for one day trying to work it out, went to his mum's for a day and then has been living back here but on the sofa for the last two weeks

it's total torture, we're talking about trivia and avoiding the 'elephant in the room', I had to go and stay with my mum and dad last week as I couldn't stand it

he refuses to enage in conversation about it and rolls his eyes if I get upset

luckily he's moving out next week, I don't think I could stand any more - it's impossible to pretend you don't care when living in the same house


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

We lived together for a month after he dropped the D-bomb. Total torture. I finally asked him to leave. He moved in with his mom. It was like this weight was lifted after he left. My depression started to lift and I felt a new sense of peace. As much as I would love to reconcile, I honestly can't see us living together again.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

So I just noticed he went out and bought a 42" flatscreen tv and hung it on the wall in the spare room that he is staying in. Why the heck would he bother hanging it and not use the stand if he is going to leave? Not to mention the fact that we can't afford that right now.
Yesterday we went to our sons baseball meeting together. No real communication. We get home and he goes straight to the room. It's just so hard with him here. I'm so torn. I want him to leave because I feel it would be a huge weight off of my shoulders, but on the other hand, I will be devastated when he goes.....I just want him to change his mind and realize what a stupid mistake he is making.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

You will get use to it. It is hard, but you will. Do not focus on him. Focus on those kiddies and get out of the house.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

He's the one that will leave. I wanted to sell the house and get a cheaper place for me and the kids and let him get his own apartment. For some reason, he wants to hold on to this house.....not sure what his motives are, but why would he want to keep the house if he's not living in it?


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## jtut21 (Mar 21, 2012)

jenny123 I am sorry for the tough time you are going through. I would suggest that you attempt talking to him. Perhaps he is still hanging around partly because he just wants you to show how desperately you desire him. Be sensitive and patient but try and talk with him.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

This is getting ridiculous. He was home all weekend when he could have been out looking for a place. He is being immature and not speaking to me. He is using the kids as messengers, which is totally wrong!
How can I put it bluntly that he needs to leave without breaking the "180" rule? I'm going to snap soon.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Going on a month and he's still here. I texted him yesterday advising him I spoke with a lawyer. I said we can settle this amicably and set a date for him to leave and I won't claim abandonment as long as he is still providing for the family OR I can file a lawsuit to get him out.
This must have hit a nerve with him. I guess he had no intentions of leaving! He wanted this, so he should have had a plan in place to move out. Period. 
He said some nasty things. He must have thought that I wouldn't seek legal guidance and just let him stay here. 
Bottom line, the tension is so thick in the house he HAS to leave! It is not healthy for the kids or myself. We don't speak. He doesn't ask anything about the kids because they are teenagers, so he just goes straight to them through texting. 
I told him I have to move on with my life. 
Anyone else having this issue?


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

mine moved out at the weekend and it's utter bliss (despite some of his stuff still being here but the rest of that's going this weekend)
there's no way to move on until he's gone - surely that's what he wants too? it's nearly impossible to live with, I do feel your pain


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> mine moved out at the weekend and it's utter bliss (despite some of his stuff still being here but the rest of that's going this weekend)
> there's no way to move on until he's gone - surely that's what he wants too? it's nearly impossible to live with, I do feel your pain


ahhhh that's what I want to feel "utter bliss"!  .....Well at least some relief anyway


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## [email protected] (Dec 18, 2011)

Mine is still here, he threw a wobbly when I got the estate agent out to put the house up for sale.. Refused to sign. I lost it & let rip. I felt better, he finally cracked and said he would do anything to stop the divorce. I realized he just was too proud to admit he was in the wrong, and had made a mistake. He is now acting as if we are reconciling and in complete denial. He thinks we can put this back together after he stomped all over it.. He is delusional. 

I am taking strength from his actions, he needs me more than I need him. My life will be better without him in it. I'm getting on with my life, and have a Nigel ing social life. He hates it!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

jenny123 said:


> ahhhh that's what I want to feel "utter bliss"!  .....Well at least some relief anyway


well it will be even more blissful once I've got the 5000 records, turntables and CD mixer out of my damn living room


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