# Divorce, 401k, and finances



## momma2four (Aug 9, 2012)

I filed for divorce this past Tuesday. My husband has yet to be served the paperwork, and I assume it will be today or tomorrow. The question I have now is should I put the divorce on hold due to financial reasons?

We have about 30k in credit card debt. He is the only one working and makes decent money. I stay at home with our 4 children ages 5, 6, 8, and 10. We can only put about 1k toward our debt each month. At this rate it is going to take forever to pay this off. Most of the debt is in his name on his credit cards, but I did contribute to some of this. 

He wants to cash out a 401k worth 24k to pay of some of the debt. Of course we will loose a big chunk right of the bat to taxes and fees, but about 19k would be left to pay off some debt. I am wondering if I should agree to this or not.

I was also considering allowing him to stay in the home to save of having to support 2 households. I would also remain on his insurance (again saving $$). We would alternate every other weekend with the kids. I would stay with my parents on my weekend off and he would stay with a friend on his weekend off. 

I don't know how this will work as I still have feelings for him even after all his affairs. Some days I think it is best for him to just move out so that I don't have to see him everyday. Also I would not want either of us to be dating or sleeping with someone else while we are still living together. I am afaid I would be worried all the time about him hooking up with a women while he was away on his weekend. I would not be able to enforce this as we are "separated" yet still living together. I don't know if this could work. I might be worse off emotionally than I am now and I couldn't afford another set back.

I am kinda lost. I don't know what to do. 

Should I just break the ties and go thru with the divorce and take the huge financial set back. 

Should I allow him to cash out the 401k to pay debt then have him move out?

Should I try to stay "separated" but living together to reduce debt and stay on insurance?

I want to get on with my life as I know there will be no chance of R. He is a serial cheater with a sexual addication and he won't change. 

Any advice would be appreciated.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> want to get on with my life as I know there will be no chance of R. He is a serial cheater with a sexual addication and he won't change.
> 
> Any advice would be appreciated


Divorce him. I know its hard with finances, as I have had to deal with the very same circumstances. 4 kids, large debt. My ex stayed at home, too. 

The freedom of being released from the emotional pain is worth any financial setback. It's hard, I know. But, do this for you. I'm sure his cheating has affected your self confidence. You need to do this to find yourself and your identity.

However, he needs to move out, and the kids need to stay in the home, with you.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

I agree with Dedicated2Her. I am also going through a divorce, lost my job, and we have a new car to pay for which will be left in my name. He doesn't make much and what he does make over half goes to child support for his 2 kids from his 1st marriage. Financially this will be hard, but I know that it is time to get away. I've been putting this on hold for quite a while now and I've learned that I just have to do it. Every time you come up with a reason to stay, it will just make it harder to leave. I think you need to go through with the divorce, but make a plan on how you are going to get out of debt - with or without him. Good luck!


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I agree with the above posters. Continue with your divorce. He NEEDS to move out. I made mine move out when I caught his affair. He was sleeping on couches, with the married OW, and in his car for 5 weeks until he found a place on his own. My 4 kids and I slept so gooood ever since he was out the house. You and your kids need this for your sanity!


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I have to add that he complained that he didn't have any money and didn't know if he had enough money for gas to get to work when he was homeless. Turns out that he *did* have some money - money that he was setting aside for the day he decides to move out and serve me the divorce papers. So, like I said before, he needs to move out.


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