# Left him after he hit me- 11 months of marriage and I am only 31.



## justme25 (Nov 27, 2011)

Hi everyone,

Hoping for some hope here. I got married after 9 months of dating and a whirlwind courtship. I was so blindly in love that I guess I missed some warning signs (damn you, hindsight). Our marriage had problems, but I chalked it all up to the adjustment period and thought it would get better. I wasn't perfect, but he started isolating me, stopping me from doing anything without him, and controlling all the money. I guess because he was from another culture, I just told myself things were normal and it would come right on its own. I lived with him in his home country in Europe and things were completely different than here in the US.

We got into a big fight in April which resulted in him smacking me in the head several times and leaving me bruised all over my face and side of my head. I was horrified. Even though we would have been celebrating our first year anniversary, I grabbed a bit of my stuff, jumped on the next flight and came home.

Now I am home and just devastated. I cannot believe I got myself into that situation, then married into it, and now am turning 31 and getting a divorce. I am so scared for the future- what happens to women like me? I don't want to give up on my dreams of one day having a healthy, normal family, but it all just seems like I let it slip away. I feel so old. I am seeing a counselor and I know I can't go back, as much as I want to sometimes. I have no money and didn't work the whole time I was with him, so it feels like this awful uphill climb. Has anyone ever been in this and survived? I never thought this would have happened to me, and feel like a huge failure. I don't know exactly what I am hoping anyone will say, but I just need some hope to think that things will get better and it might not be game over for me.

Thank you all for listening.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

What happens to women like you? They heal. They get smarter. They learn how to avoid bad men in the future, and they go on to have brilliant, happy futures.

You are young, you will survive this. You did all the right things -- you left, you are seeing a counselor, and you are working on a better future. You are already so way ahead of so many women. Trust me


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

you did absolutely the right thing - it would have got worse and you did what a lot of women don't do and got out quick

failure? anything but!!!
x


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## justme25 (Nov 27, 2011)

Wow. Thanks so much Iamaga and Dolly. I felt like I came back with my tail between my legs. I was also worried about what God would think about all this- when things started going to sh!t I started praying and reading about marriage and boy, do the Christian books really reinforce that God hates divorce. I honestly tried begging, pleading, bargaining and negotiating with him to change. He just blamed everything on me and still does. It's nice to hear your words of support.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You did the right thing! My ex h was abusive and I put up with it for 2 years. Reason being I was pregnant with his child. I had gone to bed with someone I didn't know. Big mistake(him, not my child).

I finally left. Packed my daughter and I up and began my life. I was working full time and college at night. My plan was to have a career in place to make it on my own. In that time I met my current husband. I fell in love and we married a year after meeting. I was in my mid 20's, he mid 30's. We have a beautiful family and 2 more children. 

The last 13 years with my husband have been wonderful! He is so kind, caring, gentle, and a genuine nice guy. We both adore each other and as time goes on our love for each other deepens. 

My daughter is grown, but she had her fair share of my exes very poor behavior. I could not stop visitation, but I did have supervised visitations for years. I made my ex take anger management classes, drug treatment and parenting classes before he had supervised visits.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

look I'm not going to pretend I believe in god (british heathen and all that), but you are someone that clearly does
your marriage was abusive, it would have become more so, you'd been hurt badly once and it would have happened time and time again

some things are more important than worrying about what god might think

you are young enough to find yourself a proper marriage with mutual love and respect - which is what it's all about no?
good luck with finding it x


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

And what do those Christian books say about men who beat up women?

You're doing fine, honey. Please keep posting. Or you can PM me anytime.


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## OutOfTheBlue (Nov 4, 2011)

justme25 said:


> Wow. Thanks so much Iamaga and Dolly. I felt like I came back with my tail between my legs. I was also worried about what God would think about all this- when things started going to sh!t I started praying and reading about marriage and boy, do the Christian books really reinforce that God hates divorce. I honestly tried begging, pleading, bargaining and negotiating with him to change. He just blamed everything on me and still does. It's nice to hear your words of support.


I am not a follower of religion, so I can't comment on what you have read. What I can comment on though, is how you reacted to a very bad situation - you did good, no, you did fantastic. Well done girl. Because of your actions, you now have your whole life ahead of you.

Once again, well done. The future is bright for you, I just feel it.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Have you pursued charges on him? What country is it?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

You are lucky.
You did the RIGHT THING!

At least you can start over without the baggage of a fatherless , traumatised child!
I have a friend who was in a simillar situation years ago, and still is today....
I told her to leave. She refused because of religion, status and culture. She wanted to be a " good Hindu wife." She got pregnant with first daughter. He was in a PA with another woman,even through the pregnancy. She pays ALL THE BILLS,Mortgage , Cable , Electricity,Phone, Grocery ,Medical , Insurance EVERYTHING!
He did not work. She even bought him sport cars at different times,yet he still treated her badly...
She had two more daughters for him. Today she is a complete mess.She feels powerless , and ashamed of herself. What is worse,is that he is physically sick and she pays his medical bills and takes care of him.
Her daughters have finished University [ got their degrees], got involved with men, and she is seeing the EXACT SAME CYCLE REPEATING ITSELF , in their relationships. Their boyfriends are abusive.


Again,
You did the right thing!


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Wow, I am starting over at almost 34 and want kids, well, yesterday...so I understand how you feel. Take heart in knowing you are soooooo lucky to just be 31...we both have time and now know what to look out for!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justme25 (Nov 27, 2011)

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who who have taken the time to cheer me on and offer hope. I cannot begin to say how grateful I am for the kindness of strangers. It is humbling and beautiful and I am so glad I posted.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

justme25 said:


> Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who who have taken the time to cheer me on and offer hope. I cannot begin to say how grateful I am for the kindness of strangers. It is humbling and beautiful and I am so glad I posted.


Would you say you were in a hurry to marry because of the biological clock?


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## justme25 (Nov 27, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Would you say you were in a hurry to marry because of the biological clock?


I definitely think that had something to do with it. I also just was so blissfully in love, after having been single for quite some time. And it was all so exciting, amazing, romantic. I felt like I was Cinderella. It sort of all seemed to be the right thing to do, and the right time to do it.


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## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

I applaud your bravery and listening to your instinct to escape his abuse. I am often frustrated listening to stories of women who stay for years in abusive relationships and raise children in them because they don't want to break up the family. You have saved yourself. Be proud of that. Heal yourself and move forward into a better future.


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