# I don't know if I can do this anymore!



## claytonfairway (Aug 9, 2009)

I have been with my wife for about 5 years. I have been married to her 2.5 out of those 5 years. Recently my wife has become very comfrontational about everything. Anything from me asking her simple questions (i.e what are you up to today? or have you fed the cats.) To more complicated things like bills and money. This has been going on for about 6 months now and its getting worse day by day. Everything is a battle with her. The communication in our marriage has become non-exsistant. She has also stated multiple times that If I can't except what she says then she will find someone who will. 

She is constantly blowing up on me telling me to back off and and will start yelling and then hang up. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what to think. I do know, that I'm not happy anymore, and its really effecting me. I can't eat, I really don't sleep much and I'm constantly walking on egg shells with her. Please render some advise as I am lost with out a light.


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

sorry to hear that you are suffering. i can relate to the not sleeping and not eathing. What else is going on? It's hard to tell from what you wrote if you two have any other problems.

If her attitude is the only problem...it seems an easy fix. communication and understanding work well. But I doubt you would be on here if that was everything, right?

Stress can cause all kinds of problems...so can hormones....and those two combined are much more likely to cause irritability in women. So.....can depression.

These things won't go away without lots of understanding..love and patience on your part. So is there anything else?

Here to help as much as I can...so post more.


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## claytonfairway (Aug 9, 2009)

Imagine dealing with someone who is really dramatic about everything and blows everything way out of proportion. Everything that I say or do is wrong. I think the word I'm looking for is unresonable. She is always comparing our life and marriage to un-realistic situations. (i.e. The Note Book) she is always saying to me why could'nt we have that relationship. 

She wont talk to me about anything and will not go to counsling with me. On that note, she gets so mad that she will not talk to me for days. If I don't say sorry then it could go for months, which I could not handle. She also has a bad spending problem, I cant tell you how many times she has drained our account on useless crap. If i try to talk to her about it she just walks away and leaves.

The attitude is a big part of it but, so is maturity. She refuses to except the way she acts and blames it on me. I just don't get it I really don't. I hate giving up, but I don't want to live the rest of my life like this.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Moving on is not giving up! If she won't go to counseling, go yourself. It will help you so much in deciding what you want out of life. Maybe you will find ways to make the marriage work well. Maybe not. But you will have taken a very positive step to improve your own life, one way or another.


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## claytonfairway (Aug 9, 2009)

My father is a counsler and I have talked to him serveral times about my problems and he reffered me to this counsler who I have been working with for about 3 months. The problem is I can only change myself and without her going I feel things will never change. In order for a marriage to work both husband and wife need to realise that it takes work and understanding to push through the hard times. 

The bigger picture is how it is effecting me on the job. People trust me to save thier lives and I need to make sure that I'm not putting myself or them at risk to my mind being some where else.


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Wow....the comparison to that movie is really unrealistic. No one has that kind of life....and I wouldn't want it. But. we women sometimes do that....and it is wrong. Tv..is evil...lol.

Seriously.....her refusing counseling is a bad thing. that is your sticking point because it would do a lot of good. Do you go on your own? It might be a good idea.....wouldn't hurt.

As I thought...communication. She has completely shut down, right? That is the core of marriage, communication. Maybe to her things are bigger than you see them. Has her personality changed or was she always like this? Can you not talk at all....even about things that aren't in regards to her attitude?

If you want to work this out....and that is what you need to decide...then you may have to give more for a while. NO...it's not fair...but it's a strategy that sometimes works. That is only if you think it is worth it to work it out.

I'm a believer in doing all you can until you can do no more. The fact that you are on here tells me that you want to work things out.....am I right?

I do know how horrible it is to divorce and how much it takes out of you...and I strongly advise against it if there is any other choice. 

Maybe you could try taking her away on a secret getaway....something so romantic that she is swept off of her feet. Then....get contol of the money situation. I mean ..until she behaves responsibly with money.

It's just a suggestion...but you know more about your situation than I do. I sure dont' blame you for not wanting to live like that forever. But if you change the way you respond to her...then she might be forced to wake up. I don't know what else to tell you....except that when she asks why you can't have that type of relationship...I would say...." hey we will have something much better...."and throw on the romance.

Hang in there....read some of the other posts....to get an idea how others deal with similar situations. And keep on talking...it helps and some others might have even better advice than me.....take care.


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## claytonfairway (Aug 9, 2009)

Thank you for the advise. I really do love my wife and I don't want to walk away. Its always nice to have a different perspective on the situation. We do talk here and there but its not for long maybe 5 minutes or so. She has always been very difficult to deal with. I think that I just was blinded by love that I did not see it. However, maybe this is a sign of how strong my marriage is and what is expected of me. The journey is long but, I love her and I will just keep trying.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

I think I can relate on this. My wife is queen of drama. My wife also has NO clue about relationships good/bad. We were kids together. She has it good but doesn't know how bad it can be... Just tonight she had so much anger. Hatred for everything. Her kids are afraid.. Well our 8 year old gets nervous around her. Blame seems to get a women gets when she is at this point. Running and I don't care. It's the end of a womens wits I think. I have seen this before.. They need to clear their head.. It's not easy and only time can do it. Be patient. Let her do what she wants. Eventually she will have to face the issues..


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

sounds to me like your wife may be hiding something... something big claytonfairway.... better take a good hard look as she may be doing something really bad behind your back and her attitude in being confrontational is a screen to stop you from seeing it.


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