# Wife filed for divorce...



## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I am 40 I was with my wife 13 years. married 5. No kids. Joint mortgage for 10 years. We've had financial problems for years. I was verbally abusive towards here family. I had anger issues, punched walls etc. I went on medication and solved problems. But we grew apart. I didn't provide the atention she deserved. Recently she starting drinking and going out with friends. She was even drunk at my family outings. She has suffered from depression from her childhood because her father abandoned her and later on in life at age 17 her "dad" was murdered. I sensed distance. We were to go on a weekend trip with another couple but could afford to kennel dogs and I allowed her to go. When the other couple arrived there was a single man in the car. I let her go because I trusted her and the other couple. Unkown to me she had an emotional affair with 1000's of texts with the guy. 2 weeks later she left for a weekend and said she wasn"t coming home. He was there. She came back home and wrote and emotionaless 9 page letter give our marriage 6 months. Thats was Sunday. The following week was bliss. I took my mother out of state for high school reunion and she left. 2 days later filed for divorce. She has removed all belongings from house and moved in with her mother to find her "self worth." I started gym and I work full time and started school at night. 13 hours days. She lets the dogs out during day. She recently emailed and said she will let dogs out but wants no contact and NOTHING from the relationship but her "self worth." It's been a month, I am going to counseling and am on a couple antidepressants. I realized my problems and I am fixing them, I am fixing me. Should I even care about her and us? Should I just move on? Mutual friends have confirmed her EA never became physical....he's just a "nice guy" I miss her dearly....do I?....or just because I am alone in a house. Oh yeah, she ahs refused to pay 1/2 of mortgage. Help!!!


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

Most of your questions will be answered for you in the near future. Maintain the mortgage. get a quit claim signed by her. Protect yourself. Counseling is good, if it's for YOU. You arent going to fix her passive aggressive nature. Nor her depression and whatever childhood event she decides to blame that on. She's doing what has been called "geographing" but in an inner sense. Gym, school, is she tanning or coloring her hair or changing her wardrobe, etc.? 

One more thing: you have no obligation to "fix" yourself for her. Fix yourself for YOU. And Good luck and God bless you.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I am so alone....I miss her so much...I don't want a divorce...I want her back! 13 years is one third of my life!! What can I do???


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Well the cold hard truth is that she chose her affair partner over you, you can only control yourself and not her

is the OM married?


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Well the cold hard truth is that she chose her affair partner over you, you can only control yourself and not her
> 
> is the OM married?


No he isn't and I am afraid you are right....I just couldn't see my dear sweet wife doing that and she denies it to this day...her brother said all she does is cry...it's the only thing that makes sense we you look at it. I am total mess...a shell of the man I was two months ago. She blames me not "trusting her" as 1/3 of the reason she left...the other 2; communication and things I've said about her family. We had a wonderful week together after the first weekend she left...could it be guilt because she screwed the guy and then came home and screwed me?


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

...she walked out on her home, her husband,....her 2 loving dogs....her whole life! left me to pick up the pieces.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well cheaters will blame shift and attempt to validate their affair. The truth is that there is not one reason to cheat.

She could have approached you about the marriage and how unhappy she was

yet she chose to have an EA instead and you can be damn sure it's PA by now. Do damage control among your mutual friends and family and expose her affair for starters.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Sorry to hear what your going through Anewlife unfortunately your story is not at all uncommon just read around. Main thing you need to focus on is taking care of yourself. Make sure you read the 180 and start going through that list and making the necessary changes.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Mutual friends (I trust) have said there is no PA from the EA...it's all about me ignoring her emotional needs...she never sat me down and said "if things don't change....." I want to be angry....I don't want to miss her.....after she left it took me and my boss (a pillar of strength through this ordeal) 8 hours to clean the house? How did I not even realize the filth I was living in? I was 244 lbs....here 3 weeks later I weigh 217. Been in the gym...best shape of my life...back to college at night to finish degree...I am scared ****less on what to even say to another woman after 13 years....I am 40 and want at least one child..I have never been so lost in my life.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Here's her last communication from Monday September 12th....

Honestly, I picked up my last belongings, I probably have a few things in the kitchen......and I will walk the dogs during lunch time until you are done with school....I can no longer have any contact with you. Please respect my wishes and please know I want nothing but my self worth back from this relationship.
Thank you for listening.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> Here's her last communication from Monday September 12th....
> 
> Honestly, I picked up my last belongings, I probably have a few things in the kitchen......and I will walk the dogs during lunch time until you are done with school....I can no longer have any contact with you. Please respect my wishes and please know I want nothing but my self worth back from this relationship.
> Thank you for listening.



I know its hard but sometimes you got to walk away.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She went away for a couples weekend with her affair partner and a week later left you again? Yes she had sex with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> She went away for a couples weekend with her affair partner and a week later left you again? Yes she had sex with him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Filed for divorce 2 days after leaving the 2nd time. I am a mess!


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

You can bet this goes back for a while. This is usually how it goes. Just keep your head up and you will get through it. It feels like its going to kill you but it will only make you stronger. Its probably the worse thing most of us have been through but we are here for you. Don't let her see you hurting, do not beg or plead with her or none of that stuff just tell her ok I will sign the divorce papers and act like it dont phase you. I know its easier said than done but you can do this.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> Mutual friends (I trust) have said there is no PA from the EA...it's all about me ignoring her emotional needs...she never sat me down and said "if things don't change....."


Because she is LYING to them so she can justify her actions to your friends


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

EA is worse than PA in my book. She probably did check out a long time ago. The woman I loved and married is dead. What else can she do to get through my head it's over. Oh yeah, I got the old, I love you but I'm not in love with you cowardly statement. Do snakes like this ever come slithering back?


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> You can bet this goes back for a while. This is usually how it goes. Just keep your head up and you will get through it. It feels like its going to kill you but it will only make you stronger. Its probably the worse thing most of us have been through but we are here for you. Don't let her see you hurting, do not beg or plead with her or none of that stuff just tell her ok I will sign the divorce papers and act like it dont phase you. I know its easier said than done but you can do this.


Thank you. This is worse than losing my father.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> EA is worse than PA in my book. She probably did check out a long time ago. The woman I loved and married is dead. What else can she do to get through my head it's over. Oh yeah, I got the old, I love you but I'm not in love with you cowardly statement. Do snakes like this ever come slithering back?


Sometimes they do attempt to come back but by the time that happens you will not want her back. Don't be waiting for her to come back get this over and start living your life and if she comes back guess what the ball is in your court but me personally would you want to take a chance and go through this again? Me personally I cannot endure the hell Ive been through a second time so no thank you.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So how did he just happen to be in the car that picked her up? How is it he was known to thus mutual couple ?

You bet it's been going on a while and he is clearly working her to leave you and it's working.

So let him have her. As a wise poster said, let her go.

Shes already gone anyway, so don't chase her. Instead cut off contact and especially cut off any money see has access too. Expose to her family.

There is a chance btw that she has gotten pregnant by him. Her sudden urgency to ditch you is very suspicious, what is motivating her?

Also, hire a PI and find everything you can about the OM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Sometimes they do attempt to come back but by the time that happens you will not want her back. Don't be waiting for her to come back get this over and start living your life and if she comes back guess what the ball is in your court but me personally would you want to take a chance and go through this again? Me personally I cannot endure the hell Ive been through a second time so no thank you.


My train of thought right now is yes...just to make myself feel good that she realized she made a big mistake...not because I want her back. I just want to get to a place where if she did...I could care less!!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> So how did he just happen to be in the car that picked her up? How is it he was known to thus mutual couple ?
> 
> You bet it's been going on a while and he is clearly working her to leave you and it's working.
> 
> ...


I hope she's not pregnant. I had unprotected sex with her the week she came back. She made me where condoms for a LONG time when we met. She is crazy and depressed..not stupid. Phone records show no activity with this clowns number prior to trip. I was invited to go on the trip. Just couldnt afford to kennel dogs.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So how did he come to be in that car? Did the friends set her up with him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> So how did he come to be in that car? Did the friends set her up with him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She went out with him months ago to "hook" him up with her friend. I didn't feel like going out. He ended up sleeping in my basement. I should have known then. It was awkward driving him home the next day. I am a fool for trust a woman so much. I've known the other couple longer than my wife. Total betrayal all around.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I've learned something here. When she came home to work things out, I confronted here about the trip...the texting....she said what has she ever done to make me think she would do something like that. She said don't blame someone else for problems we've had for a long time. The classic deflect blame tactic. I printed out the phone bill showing all the texting. How do 2 36 year olds text over 1000 times. I'll bring that folder to court for sure.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

Anewlife said:


> Here's her last communication from Monday September 12th....
> 
> Honestly, I picked up my last belongings, I probably have a few things in the kitchen......and I will walk the dogs during lunch time until you are done with school....I can no longer have any contact with you. Please respect my wishes and please know I want nothing but my self worth back from this relationship.
> Thank you for listening.


I dont know but it sounds like she was going to a self esteem class. While some of these classes are legit some of them are filled with manhaters who fill the woman up with all kinds of stories of abuse and find abuse even where it doesnt exist.

I would advise you to do some soul searching, did you abuse her mentally? verbally? at the bottom line all people have room for improvement. The best thing you can do is find the areas you need to improve in and make the improvement for yourself.

Become a better person than you were and learn the lessions you can from this experience and see where life takes you is really the best thing you can do. If you get another chance at this relationship make sure you learn from this experience and make the improvement necessary to keep this a happy relationship.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hey you were not a fool you done what you felt just as many of us have. Your suppose to be able to trust the person your married too but in a lot of cases its not a good thing no more. People dont take marriage as serious as they use too.

And yes bring all the evidence you can too court, also if she is pregnant get a paternity test if that ever came out that she was. I feel your pain and know exactly what your going through my wife done same thing moved out then a couple weeks later wanted a divorce. I did not argue at all and just went and filed. Im sorry but im the type if I have to fight to keep you or expose you and make you feel bad about something because you couldnt remain faithful in the first place then I dont need that kind of person in my life I will just cut my losses no matter how much it hurts.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Read Shamwow's experience. He handled his problem better than anyone I have ever seen. You can learn a lot about how to handle this from the way he did. I have never been more impressed with a guys intestinal fortitude than I was with him. Really no BS read it!!!!


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ls-lot-sex-life-has-stalled-worried-help.html


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Stonewall said:


> Read Shamwow's experience. He handled his problem better than anyone I have ever seen. You can learn a lot about how to handle this from the way he did. I have never been more impressed with a guys intestinal fortitude than I was with him. Really no BS read it!!!!
> 
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ls-lot-sex-life-has-stalled-worried-help.html


 Thanks Stonewall, just dealing with the reality that came my way, as Anew unfortunately is now.

I had the same thoughts reading this just now, so similar to my situation. Similar ages (within 4-5 yrs), no kids, 2 dogs, EA gone physical, complete denial from my STBXW that she did anything wrong (still denying, at least to me), deflecting her A that she wasn't admitting to any personal failings of mine she could come up with in the midst of confrontation (crying, saying how no one could love her or find her attractive - wtf I tried to b*ng her everyday for 2 months during this), weight loss and feeling like you're crazy, and on and on. Only difference is your W left first...which my W would've done if I hadn't caught on to her game. (for the record, I've since told her I won't pay half the mortgage as well, that's the way it goes)

So...she says she has self worth issues...heard the same from my W days after she finally slept with the D-Bag. Guessing the same happened to you my friend, sorry. She has no self worth because she knows she's acting horribly, NOT because of you or your marriage. Don't believe it for a second, as hard as it is.

I've only been moved out for a few weeks but I'm already getting used to not trusting anything she says, she's not the same girl. Treat her as such. You want to forgive her. DON'T. Would she forgive you if it were reversed? (thanks Jellybeans for that) Unless she does massive heavy lifting to regain your trust. If you ask her home or tell her it's okay what she did, you will lose more respect from her (and for yourself) and any reconciliation will be even harder. Treat her as if she's a doppelgänger in your wife's body. She is. She thinks she loves the OM. She may.

Get yourself tested for STDs immediately and don't even consider sleeping w your W, if she for some reason throws herself at you out of the blue. Tell her "after the other guy I wouldn't touch you with my ten foot pole."

She asked "what have I done to make you doubt me like this?" (paraphrasing) say, "ummm, THIS. Texting with, giving your emotional bond to, giving our intimate marital details to, and sleeping w another man." That's what she did to make you doubt.

You're lonely...I hear ya. I miss the s**t out of my wife, but she's not there anymore, the affair has changed her. Remember that, miss the great girl you married, but try not to miss her as she is now. Please, it's hard, but save yourself at least a little pain and remember that SHE caused this. We all can look back and see our own failings and things we'd like to have done better, but you didn't give up and cheat. She did. Give her the consequences that go with that. It's a world of s**t right now, but at least I know I'm doing the right thing and being the man in charge...not the OM. Did that with the advice I received here as well as from my therapist (are you seeing one yet?). Do the same, sounds like your instincts are serving you well so far, keep it up man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Oh, and sorry, but those "friends" that took her on a couples' weekend with the OM? They are not your friends. They are her friends. Don't have to be a dck to them or anything, just don't hang out with them anymore, if at all possible. If they call to ask how you're doing, just say "Fine, thanks for asking", and then ask them how work's going (or something).

I'm dealing with lots of mutual "couples friends" and it's like navigating a minefield. If you're really close with any of them, definitely don't shut them out, but don't try to open up to all of them, or tell them too much about the pain you're in, they know you're in pain. If you break down to them, that may get relayed to your W. And while part of you may want her to know how much you care (I have these thoughts all the time), it won't do you any good right now as long as she's in love with the d-bag.

Guys - any ideas on breaking up the affair? My wife's OM was married, so that was pretty easy to do by contacting the OMW. If he's not married, what can Anew do? Do they work together? Workplace rules being broken? Does he have a gf (besides your W)?

Do you know for sure that she has filed for D (as in you've been served)? If not, she may just be telling you that. If that's the case, YOU go ahead and file.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

She definately filed I was served. She came with her family and got all her stuff last Sunday. Her family helped. They are quite upset. My stbxw acdted tough loading truck then started bawling before she left. I can't stomach the though of any of this. 2 months ago I was a happily married man.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Dont pay the crying crap no attention mine was crying the day she left too. Then the next weekend she went to the movies with her new friend.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Shamwow said:


> Thanks Stonewall, just dealing with the reality that came my way, as Anew unfortunately is now.
> 
> I had the same thoughts reading this just now, so similar to my situation. Similar ages (within 4-5 yrs), no kids, 2 dogs, EA gone physical, complete denial from my STBXW that she did anything wrong (still denying, at least to me), deflecting her A that she wasn't admitting to any personal failings of mine she could come up with in the midst of confrontation (crying, saying how no one could love her or find her attractive - wtf I tried to b*ng her everyday for 2 months during this), weight loss and feeling like you're crazy, and on and on. Only difference is your W left first...which my W would've done if I hadn't caught on to her game. (for the record, I've since told her I won't pay half the mortgage as well, that's the way it goes)
> 
> ...


Yes I am in therapy. Like I said I lost 28lbs I'm 6'2' I was a fat slob at 245. My day starts at 7 in gym...work 9 -4, school 5-8. Then I come "home" to a "house." Without my 2 dogs I would lose it. I miss the hell out of her. I wish I could go back 6 months but I can't. I have never had a human being tell me not to contact them. We spent 13 years together and she sh*t all over it. Now she's living at home with her mother. Crying all the time according to her brother, "trying" to be happy accord to my friends wife I trust. I think she knows she made a BIG mistake. I will respect the NC as I planned to do it myself. This is the most trying time of my life.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> I've learned something here. When she came home to work things out, I confronted here about the trip...the texting....she said what has she ever done to make me think she would do something like that. She said don't blame someone else for problems we've had for a long time. The classic deflect blame tactic. I printed out the phone bill showing all the texting. How do 2 36 year olds text over 1000 times. I'll bring that folder to court for sure.


a few questions

what kind of phone?

did she sync this phone to a computer?

do you have the computer she synced it to?


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

No. It was a "loaner" until she was up for a free one. I went online and was shocked to see over 2000 texts in the last month. One number stood out for more than half of the, So I *67 the number at 6:00. Voicemail came on and said, "hello this is Bill..." She was texting him the week she came home BEFORE and AFTER we had sex....sometimes until 1:50am while I was sleeping. I am getting very angry right now rehashing this!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

That sucks because if you had access to the sim card of that phone you could retrieve the texts even if deleted (with a sim card reader)


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> That sucks because if you had access to the sim card of that phone you could retrieve the texts even if deleted (with a sim card reader)


I don't think I would want to even know. It's been 5 weeks...I am slowly healing. Keeping the house...while she cries at mom's. She was closer to my mother than my 3 sisters. She walked out on that too. We had money problems but my father left behind a considerable estate. I can't can't get a handle on this. Yes I was far from perfect and didn't meet her "emotional" needs, probably played Black Ops too much....but it wasn't anything major that couldn"t be worked out. I shares 13 years...1/3 of my life with her!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I am so so so lost..........a shell of the man I once was....


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Ride it out man, it's really really hard...I'm having a bad morning myself, you get more used to it, as much as that concept sucks.

Let her cry at her mom's...things will firm up in both of your heads eventually and hopefully she'll want to talk then, at least a little, as I guarantee she misses you too. My guess is she's crying over herself right now, or the OM - my W was a wreck for weeks after what I later found out was a huge spat with D-Bag. And after I left, I know she told a friend that she's been crying because she effed things up with the OM, and that soon she'll probably be devastated at losing ME. Not what I wanted to hear in terms of order, but puts the mindset into perspective.

I guess try not to dwell on all the little (and big) things you may have been able to do better. That's marriage, that's pretty much everyone, though I imagine many people make serious changes the next time around (I plan to). Who knows, maybe make a list of all the things you'd change about your behavior over the years, seeing it all in front of you might help to get it off your chest. Then put it in a drawer and watch some TV or go to the gym.

Keep posting here, helps with the sanity.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Also, I know what you mean about not wanting to see the actual texts...but it helped me for a while to remember why we were in this boat. When things get heavy I could just glance at that stuff (still can, though it's been a while), it would make me so angry that I didn't feel sad or guilty anymore. Remember, you weren't perfect, but she gave up on herself, you and your marriage by having an A. So if you could get that sim card, it might actually be therapeutic, at least for a little while. Remind you of the things she did to firebomb your marriage...not you.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Thanks for all the support. I am enjoying this sense of "company" while in a world of loneliness. Ironically her brother called and said "give her some time...don't chase her now." I suppose the EA went PA but people I truly, truly, truly trust said now way, he was just there at the right time and place and took advantage of a depressed, emotional woman. There were tons of texts but zero phone calls (probably because he was WITH her) What's the differance anyway, and EA is an opening of heart, mind and soul...sex is 15 minutes of lust. She tells my friends wife (I 100% trust her) that she's sad and just "trying to be happy." Of what a tangled web they weave!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

5 days no contact and it's helping. but we have a divorce to handle...it's gonna get broken one way or the other..


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

This might be too soon but let me paint a future for you.

You work and study. You finish your schooling. You find a great job that fits your work experience and your education. You meet a younger woman. You fall in love. You have kids. You wonder how life can get any better.

All is possible.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I have actual return to church with my mother, praying for the day that what you said comes true. Thank you so much!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Her sister texted me and said she is, "managing."


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Curious, are you asking for the updates, or are people just sending that info your way?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

both.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I would not be asking about her especially to family members. The reason being that by doing that they will tell her that your asking about her and she knows that she still has you and if your her Back up plan then you dont need to be letting her know nothing. You want her to think your fine with this.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Shamwow said:


> Also, I know what you mean about not wanting to see the actual texts...but it helped me for a while to remember why we were in this boat. When things get heavy I could just glance at that stuff (still can, though it's been a while), it would make me so angry that I didn't feel sad or guilty anymore. Remember, you weren't perfect, but she gave up on herself, you and your marriage by having an A. So if you could get that sim card, it might actually be therapeutic, at least for a little while. Remind you of the things she did to firebomb your marriage...not you.


Again Sham nails it. For everything there is a time. Now is the time for anger. As much as it hurts you need the anger to displace the sadness. Its easier for you to deal with anger than sadness plus it adds perspective. You can't just look at it as being sad she is gone you must remember why she is gone.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I don't know what i would do without you guys. Finally got out to a picnic and I swear to God I kept looking for her like she should of been right there with me. Then i saw a couple of babies and man i almost lost it! I just want to be normal again. That's not too much to ask?


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Well after some thought....I am changing the locks today. 2 friends, one of their mothers, and my own mother has comittted to letting my dogs out during the day. My stbxw will no longer have "one foot in the door." She left me. She left the dogs. She told me to cease all contact. Well that includes the dogs too. Probably going to lose my house as i can not refinance, there is no equity, and she wants her name off mortgage. Again, I cant re-finance alone so will the court make me sell? Another thing I thought of...does she have some type of disorder because she has no long term firneds. Only friends I have introduced her to. The girl that hooked us up was a childhood friend then one day my stbxw CEASED ALL CONTACT. They did not reconnect for 11 years. Seems very odd!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Does anyone know if she has a LEGAL obligation to pay 1/2 the mortgae (in both our names) and household bills until divorce is final?


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> Does anyone know if she has a LEGAL obligation to pay 1/2 the mortgae (in both our names) and household bills until divorce is final?


 Prob have to ask a lawyer in your state to be sure. My lawyer told me I don't have to because it's just my W's name on the mortgage after our refi a few years ago. If it was both our names still, then I would be on the hook right now. So there's a good chance your W is responsible for half of the mortgage until you work out a different agreement.

I think a general rule is that if the mortgage went delinquent, who could the bank come after for the money? In your case, it would be both of you, so you may be in luck on that one.

Don't let her take her name off the mortgage! I wouldn't think she could anyway, without you agreeing to it. Taking her name off a substantial joint loan should require both of you to confirm that w the bank.

I think she could quit her claim on the deed to the home if she wants, just not the mortgage loan.

As for household bills, that may be trickier, as she doesn't live there anymore, so she could prob get away with not paying utilities, etc, and she supposedly has her own new bills to pay (though it sounds like she probably doesn't, staying w family). She can take her name off utilities easily just by calling them and saying she doesn't live there anymore. From that point those utility "debts" would probably be yours alone, unless your lawyer tells you differently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm very much not a lawyer, but my understanding is that if your name appears on a mortgage and loan then, you are responsible for paying it.

I would not agree to letting her take her name off any debts you have with her until the divorce has been processed by the courts. 

She seems to be trying to simply walk away from the marriage and leave behind all her responsibilities and obligations. That isn't how it works, so she is in for a real shock. Haven't you got a lawyer yet to guide you? If not then do it tomorrow!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oh_henry_oh (Sep 18, 2011)

I don't believe you, Sir.

Oh, I believe the facts as you present them. Yes I think you've become a victim. That much I believe.

But I also think that the two of you should have been working on your marriage, for years, long before things got like this.

Now though, AND BELIEVE THIS: You are not at fault. She is. I'm sorry, I really am. But you need to take the good advice others are giving you and start to let go, to see an attorney, to take his advice, to do things FOR YOU.

Maybe, if you decide it will help you -- I'm not sure that it will -- sue the OM for damages. Because he certainly has damaged you, your kids, and even though it will be years before your wife see's things this way, he's also further damaged your wife.

One more thing, set a date, say 18 months to get off the anti-depressants. Take them now, you obviously need them, just make a plan, as part of your own rebuilding program, to get off of them.

And love your kids. Love them as much as you possibly can. Because now, more than ever, your kids need you.

I do a little counseling, not as a professional, but people do seem to benefit from my counsel, and most of the people I have spoken with about life's issues have parent's who divorced. (Me too.)

Well you may not be able to change their future that way, they may need counseling; Okay. But help those five kids so much that they'll be able to look back and say to themselves, even over and over again, that their Dad loved them.

Yeah, their Mom, she wasn't perfect. But wow!, their Dad, he was the best.

Right now that maybe all you can do. Be a good Dad and don't allow your ex-wife to continue to hurt you.

Let us know how you do.

One more thing, do you have someone you're talking with?, a good friend, someone who knew both of you, NOT to try to repair the break. This break is permanent and should remain so. But a person who knew both of you will get up to speed faster and should be able to get past the junk you may throw up, because he'll know better.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Oh henry - FYI you misread his first post. No kids in the picture, they have dogs...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> Does anyone know if she has a LEGAL obligation to pay 1/2 the mortgae (in both our names) and household bills until divorce is final?


As opposed to what? Foreclosure?


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> As opposed to what? Foreclosure?


True indeed. What are a mess. My life is in shambles.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> True indeed. What are a mess. My life is in shambles.


I think we all feel like this as first. I know its hard to do but right now focus on yourself and picking up the pieces of what you got left. Everything will fall in place.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

would it be easier to let go if she spat in your face and blamed you for her loss of "self esteem"??? essentially, she's done em both. She's a lying, adulterous sinner. You cannot fix that. No amount of empathy toward her wretched soul can repair that. I onlt wish I would have listened to the folks on this board early in my separation. Maybe the choice to divorce would not have been so hard. Move forward my friend, and God bless you. No one deserves the torture you're being put through.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

voivod said:


> would it be easier to let go if she spat in your face and blamed you for her loss of "self esteem"??? essentially, she's done em both. She's a lying, adulterous sinner. You cannot fix that. No amount of empathy toward her wretched soul can repair that. I onlt wish I would have listened to the folks on this board early in my separation. Maybe the choice to divorce would not have been so hard. Move forward my friend, and God bless you. No one deserves the torture you're being put through.


Powerful, simple statement. Thank you. I texted that I changed the locks and she won't see 2 dogs we raised from 8 weeks old pups (now 7 & 9 years old.) No response. Cold blooded!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

From Love Shack.......

"I love you but I'm not in love with you"

Translation*:

"I'm having an affair because I am insecure and need another person to validate me, make me feel worthy, sexy and important. The only reason I am telling you this is for two reasons: I feel guilty; and I am actually afraid to lose you emotionally, socially, financially. Now go away while I get what I think I deserve - but don't go too far away because this hormone-driven adventure might not work out long term and I might need your support in a few months, maybe a year, or even two. Who knows? Love you! (but not myself.)"


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## oh_henry_oh (Sep 18, 2011)

I'm sorry I got it wrong -- you don't have any kids.

These folks are giving you really good advice. If you can arrange things to keep your house, by all means do so.

Go to your bank, see what they say. But you just might find having that house to be a very good thing. Say you meet someone and she has kids.

Hang on to your house if it's feasible. Yes, all of us get that now you don't feel this way.

So brush your teeth, comb your hair, and look for a restaurant where you might just be able to talk to a single women having dinner there too.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

oh_henry_oh said:


> I'm sorry I got it wrong -- you don't have any kids.
> 
> These folks are giving you really good advice. If you can arrange things to keep your house, by all means do so.
> 
> ...


After 13 years.....what the hell am I going to say to another woman????? LOL! Frightening!


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## oh_henry_oh (Sep 18, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> After 13 years.....what the hell am I going to say to another woman????? LOL! Frightening!


You are going to look at her, quietly explain that you are heart broken, that you are not promising much, because you really don't think your ready to date, but that your friends have been encouraging you, people you respect, so, here you are.

Then look her in the eyes and ask her what she'd like to do for the rest of the evening.

I promise you, she may have heard every line ever spoken, since Adam invited Eve to watch the submarine races, but she's never heard that one.

And whatever she wants to do, that is exactly what you'll do. And no, I am not trying to get you laid. I'm trying to get you back in the company of women.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

oh_henry_oh said:


> You are going to look at her, quietly explain that you are heart broken, that you are not promising much, because you really don't think your ready to date, but that your friends have been encouraging you, people you respect, so, here you are.
> 
> Then look her in the eyes and ask her what she'd like to do for the rest of the evening.
> 
> ...


Bravo. Certainly worth a try. Normally I would say, "i have nothign to lose." Nowasdays it's, " I have nothing ELSE to lose!"


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Last night was real bad for me. In spite of everything...I miss her badly and living in a house alone is like prison. It has to get better................


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

It will get better, hang in there. We all go through the roller coaster and time does make things better. What helped me through some dark times was reconnecting with old hobbies and exercise. Both of those sought to regenerate my interest in other things and helped take my mind off of my situation. Initially I had no desire to do either but I forced myself and soon found that I was actually enjoying myself again.

Words are easy and your situation is hard but trust that you will get through it. Connect with friends, have some fun, get some exercise to burn off excess energy/stress and you will get through it.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Sod said:


> It will get better, hang in there. We all go through the roller coaster and time does make things better. What helped me through some dark times was reconnecting with old hobbies and exercise. Both of those sought to regenerate my interest in other things and helped take my mind off of my situation. Initially I had no desire to do either but I forced myself and soon found that I was actually enjoying myself again.
> 
> Words are easy and your situation is hard but trust that you will get through it. Connect with friends, have some fun, get some exercise to burn off excess energy/stress and you will get through it.


I've been doing all of that. Nothing seems to work...for long. Don't get me wrong, I have good days too. It's just that she was my best friend, she was by my side for 13 years, maybe 15 -20 night total we didn't sleep next to each other. I am lost...it's have to have fun. Certain stores and places we enjoyed going are triggers...and they sting liek daggers.


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

Completely understandable and normal. Right there with you as my wife and I were inseparable for 10 years (married for 9). You will have your ups and downs. If you must focus on it (hard not to), think about some things that you could have done better and work on improving yourself. None of us are perfect and there is always something we could have done better to not be in this situation. Think about those things and change what you can for your benefit - no-one elses.

This grieving process is painful but know you are not alone. We are all working through it as best we can.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Sod said:


> Completely understandable and normal. Right there with you as my wife and I were inseparable for 10 years (married for 9). You will have your ups and downs. If you must focus on it (hard not to), think about some things that you could have done better and work on improving yourself. None of us are perfect and there is always something we could have done better to not be in this situation. Think about those things and change what you can for your benefit - no-one elses.
> 
> This grieving process is painful but know you are not alone. We are all working through it as best we can.


What else can I do? Stuck with house, dogs, mortgage and bills...while she sits sad at her mothers. Oh what a tangled web they weave!


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

Volunteer your time, go for a walk, hang out with friends, take a trip to see something you always wanted, go for a hike, take a class in something that you have never done (I took an advanced driving course). Dont limit yourself - try something new!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Sod said:


> Volunteer your time, go for a walk, hang out with friends, take a trip to see something you always wanted, go for a hike, take a class in something that you have never done (I took an advanced driving course). Dont limit yourself - try something new!


I RETURNED TO SCHOOL TO FINISH MY DEGREE. She knew this, she knew I needed her support. I joined gym. I workout 7:30 - 8:30. I work 9 - 4. School 5 - 8. I have a support team letting my dogs out due to long days. I get home and their is no satisfaction because there's nobody else to console and comfort me (except dogs) The loeliness is like a prison. I wake up every night between 3 and 4 am. It's a grind. I am broke holding down all the bills. Searching fruitleely for a roomate. I wish I had a time machine......


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

Anewlife - I'm not criticizing you nor accusing you of anything. If I have offended you I apologize. All I was doing trying to throw out some things that may be new and break routine. Thats what helped me


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Sod said:


> Anewlife - I'm not criticizing you nor accusing you of anything. If I have offended you I apologize. All I was doing trying to throw out some things that may be new and break routine. Thats what helped me


Sorry about caps! I didn't want to type over. I honestly and sincerly appreciate your advice. No need to apologize over my typing caps, my bad! I just can't get past empty and lonely. She screwed me and I miss her with all my heart. Everyone says, "it will get better..." Well thanks you very much, but when?


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Anewlife When is not a question any of us can answer. Im 2 months in and still have good and bad days. Here lately its been a run of bad days. I can say it will get easier as time passes but as with anything its time and we dont control the clock. Just try and keep your head up the best you can, the loneliness is the worst part coming home to a empty house with just you and your thoughts and it sucks.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I am also tortured by the week she came home....said we'd work it out, lots of sex, planned on having a child.......then up and left and filed for divorce. My head is my worst enemy right now.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

There are several of us here that kind of know that feeling of being blindsided. Our thoughts are the worst contenders to deal with going through this mess. Just try and keep them under control as best as you can. Are you in IC right now?


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

If IC meand individual counseling then the answer is yes....going NC starting today (she actually demanded it 9/12) but we had some "business" to handle.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

bank accounts...insurance...etc.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Yes that is what I meant that is a good step. Also definitley go NC as that will help you along because each time you have contact with her or anything it will stir emotions and that is not good during this time.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I just want to feel "whole" again.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

That might take a while unfortunately it is no quick away around this stuff as bad as we want it to be. Being whole again will come again in time just focus on yourself right now and everything will fall into place. You have a long journey ahead of you but as many others have you will also make it.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I haven't felt this good since this whole ordeal happened. If you have been following, she left me with a mortgage payment, 2 dogs, and a pile of bills to move to her mothers. I gave her a key to let dogs out at lunch since with gym, work and school I have 13 hour days. Well she got to texting and emailing after 7 days of NC dictating what items I can leave outside for her.

Maybe I am stooping to her level.....but I texted i would put all the items outside. Then something "clicked" in my head....I texted, "I hate you with a passion greater than any love I ever had for you." No response (she problem doesn't even care, look how she left me.) But it felt liberating. The "feeling" in my stomach is gone. I suddenly did not mind being alone in my house, I actual enjoy as i have a potential roomate coming.

After 5 weeks I have accepted my situation. I am by no means happy (yet) but I feel like a big burden has been lifted off my shoulders. Going to lawyer Thursday to hammer her and take half her 401k and all the mortgage payments she's missed.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Good to hear that it made you feel better. I will be getting some stuff off my chest once this stuff ends. Keep your head up and looking forward.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Good to hear that it made you feel better. I will be getting some stuff off my chest once this stuff ends. Keep your head up and looking forward.


She kept demanding I leave this and that outside for her to pick up. I texted "F*** You, C***....You want the rest of your crap send your brother over. Cease and desist all contact with me. I am sorry I ever met you and wasted 13 years of my life with you!" 

Now I realize that wasnt very nice and she probably could care less....but it's like I turned a page...anger finally set in. While any Jedi could tell anger is the path to the dark side...I feel relief today....I don't feel like a helpless victim. I am taking care of ME because she ain't around to do that anymore!!!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

oddly I still miss her.....my mind is playing tricks on me. My outburst of anger did relieve my pain.....but after 13 years, I truly miss her. I would NEVER take her back.....but why the hell do I miss her?


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

When you say angry statements like that. You are showing her that she still has all the control over you... You saying how you hate her is just telling her you really still want her. 

Stop giving her all the control. We all have setbacks but just don't speak to her unless it is about the divorce. Hey, we all have setbacks but don't say those messages anymore. You might feel better right away, but in the long term you are just showing her that you are weak and that she still has your wrapped around her little finger.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

paperclip said:


> When you say angry statements like that. You are showing her that she still has all the control over you... You saying how you hate her is just telling her you really still want her.
> 
> Stop giving her all the control. We all have setbacks but just don't speak to her unless it is about the divorce. Hey, we all have setbacks but don't say those messages anymore. You might feel better right away, but in the long term you are just showing her that you are weak and that she still has your wrapped around her little finger.


That i so true and now i regret it. It simply justifies her replacing me. Obviously I'm a mess. NC means NC...I am sticking to it without making a jackass out of myself.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> That i so true and now i regret it. It simply justifies her replacing me. Obviously I'm a mess. NC means NC...I am sticking to it without making a jackass out of myself.


Don't be to hard on your self. We all have setbacks, you just need to learn from them and stick to the NC.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Might be stroking my ego as dumpee....but after 13 years does she miss me too? Does she feel any pain? Any regret?


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> Might be stroking my ego as dumpee....but after 13 years does she miss me too? Does she feel any pain? Any regret?



Probably not. Not yet anyway. I have also been married for 13 years. I miss mine like crazy sometimes too. It is diminishing. I'm stronger when I uphold no contact. When I get into conversations with her, etc., I later miss her again. I'm pretty sure mine doesn't miss me. She has loverboy to keep her company. Someday, your wife and mine will most likely see what they threw away in us and regret it. That's what I tell myself, at least.

Hang in there. This just sucks. There is no way around that. We just have to accept it, work on ourselves, and move on.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I agree with hurting right now she is not missing nobody just like my wife does not miss me. In the long run one day they will have to face this reality too.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

This roller coaster sucks. I want to get off the ride. God day, good day, bad day, good day, bad day, bad day, bad day. I can't take it anymore!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Like the old saying goes, you don't miss your water till your well runs dry. They don't miss us yet because generally speaking in this group we are the leavees and not the leavers, so they hold all power. They are doing what they think is best for them and what they want. The minute they realize they have let go of some of the best support staff ;o) and love they ever had or will have...they will miss us. Thank God for in my situation, it will definitely be too late, it already is ;o) I would not go back to my H for all the tea in china. And that makes me feel good!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I hoped I am healed if and when that day ever comes. I hope I would be stronger enough to resist the temptation to allow her to crush me like this again. I slept next to her for 13 years. I miss her beyond what words can describe. 5th Anniversary would be September 30th. That my friends is going to be a long sad day.......


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Hang in there. Eventually, there start to be more good days and fewer bad days. It does suck. No doubt. But, we will get through this crap.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I just can't take the emptiness anymore. I am going insane. I can't take the loneliness. I just can't stand this anymore.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

have you seen a doctor yet? You definitely need antidepressants and antianxiety pills.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Settle down. Breath in, breath out. You can take it. You can do this. I have felt like that several times in this whole ordeal. Go out and take a walk in the fresh air if you can. You are not alone on this roller coaster ride from hell. There are lots of us on here, some ahead of you and some behind you. There are lots that are much further down the line than both of us. They made it through this scary part. We will too.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> have you seen a doctor yet? You definitely need antidepressants and antianxiety pills.


Do this. There is no shame in getting some meds to help you through a traumatic experience. Divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences you can go through. Get some meds to take off the edge of the pain. I PM'd you my number. Please call me if you start to have any crazy thoughts. 

You can get through this. It does get better. You are not alone.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I'm on Wellbutrin & Zoloft. Seem to work very well 99% of the time. Sometimes I am overwhelmed. But it passes. Thanks so much for all your help and concern.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I have had lots of times I felt completely overwhelmed with this garbage. I've made friends here that seem to reach out to me at such perfect times I wonder if they are human or angelic. Please, if you need to talk, the offer stands. At any time. Hang in there, brother.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> I have had lots of times I felt completely overwhelmed with this garbage. I've made friends here that seem to reach out to me at such perfect times I wonder if they are human or angelic. Please, if you need to talk, the offer stands. At any time. Hang in there, brother.



Thank you and God bless!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> I'm on Wellbutrin & Zoloft. Seem to work very well 99% of the time. Sometimes I am overwhelmed. But it passes. Thanks so much for all your help and concern.


I would still see the doc

he could modify the dose or add some valium or ativan or xanax
not only are you depressed, but you are having high anxiety and those meds could take the edge off

I went on them for 2 months and weaned off


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I would still see the doc
> 
> he could modify the dose or add some valium or ativan or xanax
> not only are you depressed, but you are having high anxiety and those meds could take the edge off
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Anewlife keep your head up man. Some days are better than others, there are days that I just dont want to continue going through it but hey its life and its not fair. We all are walking that same path just some are behind and some are ahead as hurting said.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Anewlife keep your head up man. Some days are better than others, there are days that I just dont want to continue going through it but hey its life and its not fair. We all are walking that same path just some are behind and some are ahead as hurting said.


I am 40 and broke...and broken hearted...I want a least one child and I fear it's too late.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Its not too late for a child. As far as the rest Im in same boat just younger. 40 is still young keep your head up


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> I am 40 and broke...and broken hearted...I want a least one child and I fear it's too late.


In my early 20's, I thought I would be a millionaire at 40. Not too lofty a goal with serious investing starting in your early 20's. I'm 41. I have a negative net worth. My heart is broken into a million pieces as well. 

It is not too late for you to have a child. Heck, you may get out there and find some knockout half your age that is just absolutely crazy about you and wants to have your baby. Who knows what your future holds? We are still pretty young, dude.

I never dreamed this is where I would be at this point in my life. I'm sure you didn't either. But we are here. We have lemons. We just have to learn to make lemonade.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> In my early 20's, I thought I would be a millionaire at 40. Not too lofty a goal with serious investing starting in your early 20's. I'm 41. I have a negative net worth. My heart is broken into a million pieces as well.
> 
> It is not too late for you to have a child. Heck, you may get out there and find some knockout half your age that is just absolutely crazy about you and wants to have your baby. Who knows what your future holds? We are still pretty young, dude.
> 
> I never dreamed this is where I would be at this point in my life. I'm sure you didn't either. But we are here. We have lemons. We just have to learn to make lemonade.


I hate lemonade. lol!


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> I hate lemonade. lol!


well make it and sell it lol:smthumbup:


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> I hate lemonade. lol!


:rofl:

We may be out of luck, then. :rofl:


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Hello all...I am still here. I opened a match.com account and I've been in contact with some decent women. A couple of which we on the recieving end of our pain...might not amount to nothing with any of them....but it's a good warmup at least speaking to women. I mean after 13 years....what the hell am I gonna say in a club? A player at 25 I vowed never to "that guy" the old sad 40 year at the club sitting at the bar.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Glad to hear you are still around. Just make sure you dont jump into nothing as a rebound is no good at all. Just keep your head up and sort through everything. 40 is the new 20!


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

40 is not a bad age..I am going to be 41 next month and I think I have a ton to offer to a woman ( whenever that day comes ) 

You will no doubt find someone and the chances of having a child are pretty good I think....

I would caution you to listen to Lost and try not to do the rebound thing .....Be careful with your heart...it is good that you have found some woman to talk with...

That is my next step..find some woman friends


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Anewlife said:


> Hello all...I am still here. I opened a match.com account and I've been in contact with some decent women. A couple of which we on the recieving end of our pain...might not amount to nothing with any of them....but it's a good warmup at least speaking to women. I mean after 13 years....what the hell am I gonna say in a club? A player at 25 I vowed never to "that guy" the old sad 40 year at the club sitting at the bar.


40 isn't old, I'm 41 and when I was on Match a few years ago (I was separated and the W was living with the OM) I had girls in their 20s hitting on me. I was on it back when I was in my 20s and for me it is easier now to get dates then it was back then. 

Some advice, don’t talk about your situation or your “ex”, that’s a huge no-no. Just relax and don’t take them or yourself seriously. Every date I went on for the couple of months I did it the women ended up asking me out. I made my profile humorous and with very little person info and never acted too interested in them (I will talk to them about stupid stuff but never fully come on to them). 

Treat it like a hobby, you may or may not meet someone good on there but the less you take it seriously the more fun you’ll have.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Anewlife-- Do you think that getting on dating websites is a good idea? You are very vulnerable right now and your wife just hit you with one of hte most traumatic things a human being can go through. Is getting on internet dating sites really the best thing right now? 

Why not spend some time along (single) after your divorce, grieve your marriage, surround yourself with loved ones, exercise. Jumping from a fire into another one isn't a good idea. Not to mention you'd have to eoxplain the whole "Oh I'm still married but getting a divorce thing."


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Anewlife-- Do you think that getting on dating websites is a good idea? You are very vulnerable right now and your wife just hit you with one of hte most traumatic things a human being can go through. Is getting on internet dating sites really the best thing right now?
> 
> Why not spend some time along (single) after your divorce, grieve your marriage, surround yourself with loved ones, exercise. Jumping from a fire into another one isn't a good idea. Not to mention you'd have to eoxplain the whole "Oh I'm still married but getting a divorce thing."


I know. I know. It is a distraction with a significant detour. It's just my support network is tiring of my whining. Like I can just "snap out of it." I am waiting for the day everybody tells me is going to come....the day when "everything is alright." Still waiting.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I agree that you probably have more to offer now than you did 20 years ago. I do. We're about the same age and have been married about the same amount of time. Your ego has had a nucleur bomb dropped on it. It does feel good to have women interested in you. Absolutely. I don't see anything wrong with the dating website if it will help you to build back some confidence. You are very vulnerable right not, though, to a rebound relationship. It would pretty much be doomed from the start. Maybe set a limit. No more than __ amount of dates / phone calls / texts / emails with any one particular woman for a period of ____ months.

I'm thinking personally, no more than 2 dates with any woman for at least a year. It will be a while before any first dates for me. I think we need some type of guideline to give us time to heal pretty good in order to give that next relationship the best chance.

It's like walking a tightrope. Dating is great medicine for a totally destroyed ego. But we are also very vulnerable to falling head over heals with the first woman to give us a bunch of attention. Man, nothing about this ride is easy.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Not that it helps....but there is no OM....the EA never went PA....he just told her things that made her feel good. We had a total breakdown in communication. A mistake I will never repeat. I am now almost 2 months out....I am in the best physical shape I've been in for the last 20 years. My house is spotless clean. I was 245 lbs living in a pig sty when she left. We were both very unhappy. And while I still have bad days...I am having more good. I wasn't in a good place when we were together either. We took each other and life for granted. I am starting think maybe the best thing she ever did for me (and herself) was leave. Everything happens for a reason. Hang in there guys....make a positive out of the negative.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Today is probably the best day I've had since this happened. Good work out at gym. School is going well. Still scared to lose house and dogs...but I think my marriage was pretty lousy now and someone had to leave. I think I've found acceptance and closure. Support form friends and family is waning. I am on my own now. It's my life to make! DDay is Jan 3. Just a date...I feel great!


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

:smthumbup:


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Slept ALL the way through the night for the first time since break -up and divorce filing. Refreshing to say the least.


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

Great news! Glad to see the upward trend for you, keep it up!


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Awesome! I haven't had a full night of sleep in a good while. I still wake up a few times at night. It is getting better, though. I hope you keep improving. Don't be too surprised if you hit some more lows on this roller coaster ride though. I'm on quite a high streak myself this week. Some parts of this ride are pretty fun.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> Awesome! I haven't had a full night of sleep in a good while. I still wake up a few times at night. It is getting better, though. I hope you keep improving. Don't be too surprised if you hit some more lows on this roller coaster ride though. I'm on quite a high streak myself this week. Some parts of this ride are pretty fun.


I just came to the realization that I control MY destiny. My marriage just got stagnant, lost the fire & passion. Like I said many times, "I let myself go..." She had her own issues. Then that little bastard she went on trip with whispered sweet nothings in her ear. I am so much healthier and self aware now it's starting to feel GOOD. Still sucks going home to an empty house. At least I have my dogs. They remind me that she left them too. My mother told me that maybe, just maybe, her leaving was the best thing that can happen to you. I weigh 215...215!!!! So when the healing is done and I meet another woman (or 2 or 3 lol!!!) I will NOT reapeat my past mistakes, and lead a healthy lifestyle. Slowly but surely I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Met with a lawyer today. I will be fine. At worse, I'll have to ask court for 3-5 years to refinance or sell since she left. Rehashing the whole thing brought the knot back into my stomach but it went away pretty quick. I just want the divorce to run its course and END! Jan 3 is a long way off.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> I just came to the realization that I control MY destiny. My marriage just got stagnant, lost the fire & passion. Like I said many times, "I let myself go..." She had her own issues. Then that little bastard she went on trip with whispered sweet nothings in her ear. I am so much healthier and self aware now it's starting to feel GOOD. Still sucks going home to an empty house. At least I have my dogs. They remind me that she left them too. My mother told me that maybe, just maybe, her leaving was the best thing that can happen to you. I weigh 215...215!!!! So when the healing is done and I meet another woman (or 2 or 3 lol!!!) I will NOT reapeat my past mistakes, and lead a healthy lifestyle. Slowly but surely I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel!


Nice! Enjoy the high, because it's the truth. Might come back down from time to time, but you'll be there again soon enough, you seem to be really doing well.

Congrats on the fitness boom...you're at 215...curious, where did you start? I'm down 50 since June, around 205. Feels awesome, doesn't it? All it took was a divorce to get on it. Why didn't we do this earlier?


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I was discussing the weight loss thing last night with a woman whose divorce was final in May. She has lost 70 pounds. I've lost about 40. It does seem to just fall off when you can't really eat. lol


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Started at 245. Down 30 lbs. MAJOR setback today. Since we're technically still married, today is our 5th anniversary. Best night of my life...followed by best week of my life in Cozumel. Just so damn tired of lonely. My support network of friends and family is fading, they're sick of hearing about it and want me to wake up. I'm fine ALL day until I come home to solitary confinement. Stuck paying mortgage alone I have little funds for social activities. She burned me bad, yet I still miss her. Still anxiously waiting for that day when everything is alright.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Well I made through a pretty lousy 5th anniversary day. A friend blew me off. I sat home alone (as usual) and got through it. We don't even communicate anymore. I think I've been blocked from her phone. We have details to iron out for the divorce. I am feeling better today but can't stand the loneliness. In the past week I've gotten 3 blocked calls that hang up right after I say hello. Odd. Just trying hard to move on. I no longer love her for the way she left me holding the bag. I just can't stand the emptiness, the loneliness, the fear I will be alone for a long time.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Acceptance of your loneliness is the first step towards moving on.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I hope so. What other choice do I have?


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Thats the sad part is we have no choice but to accept it. Main thing is focus on you and doing things you like to do. Call up old friends and get out and about. Im officially divorced and having a hard go at it today for some reason but it will be ok.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Thats the sad part is we have no choice but to accept it. Main thing is focus on you and doing things you like to do. Call up old friends and get out and about. Im officially divorced and having a hard go at it today for some reason but it will be ok.


I wish i had a dollar for every time I've been told that. Nobody wants to listen to me anymore.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> I wish i had a dollar for every time I've been told that. Nobody wants to listen to me anymore.


I know what you mean just keep your head up and come on here and express all your feelings it has helped me tremendously!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> I know what you mean just keep your head up and come on here and express all your feelings it has helped me tremendously!


:iagree:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

aug said:


> Acceptance of your loneliness is the first step towards moving on.


the loneliness of losing a cancerous limb.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I just don't care about the witch anymore. She has blocked my phones, home, work, cell, and email. We have a divorce to work out. We have to meet with my attorney so she can sign a "hold harmless: & "quit claim deed" on the house. No way she not shacked up with the OM...and finally I could care less. But it pisses me off she won't respond for the "business" of divorce. Well, at least I am not a trainwreck anymore....I actually go out on weekends now.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Sorry man, that sounds like hell. Does she have an attorney? Or are you both working with the same one?

Can you just have her served with the papers you need her to sign? If that's not doable, at least registered mail with a cover letter from your attorney putting a little pressure on her?



Keep going out on weekends. Enjoy as much as is possible right now. If she wants to drag this out for one reason or another, she will find a way to do it.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I am doing well...the only torture my mind puts me through is how she just "erased" me from 13 years of her life. When she picked up her stuff to move to her mother's...she didn't say goodbye to me or the dogs, nor did she take a single picture. Is it a mental defect to "flip a switch" like that? Or is she in the "fog" of her affair. Life goes on.......slowly.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Fog of her affair more than likely.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Fog of her affair more than likely.



I fell like a fool missing her after all she's done. I will never get those 13 years back. She was my best friend too.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I could not imagine after 13 years but I know all about the feeling like a fool part. Just keep your head up and know it will get better in time.


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

I am reading a lot of pain. I've been there and I'll likely be back. There is a list of behaviors I was given recently about emotional divorce. I'm trying the best I can to model those and it is helping me get through the day. The crux of the message is being complacent to their behavior and not letting it control your mood. Thinking about what has happened repeatedly just isn't helpful to you. It is very destructive. I would recommend you do things that distract you from those thoughts to help you heal. 

I have also been with my wife for 13 years, in that time I've grown a lot and much of that growth is as a result of her. I'm not going to let the last 6 months to a year ruin those memories. I hope that we all can reach a place like that and stay there.

You now have the opportunity to find a new best friend and maybe even a more attractive one. 

GearHead


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Gentlemen, thank you. All I can hope for is to continue my progress. I pray she never tries to come back. That would be a very tough conversation to have. It would reopen all the wounds. I would of course, say, "No thank you." I just hope I can let another woman "in" and love again without fear of being hurt like this again.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

She is officially dating the EA OM. The truth has set me free. He just got dumped after 11 years by his girlfriend.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> Gentlemen, thank you. All I can hope for is to continue my progress. I pray she never tries to come back. That would be a very tough conversation to have. It would reopen all the wounds. I would of course, say, "No thank you."* I just hope I can let another woman "in" and love again without fear of being hurt like this again*.


Time heals. A cliche for sure but has merit.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> She is officially dating the EA OM. The truth has set me free. He just got dumped after 11 years by his girlfriend.


Now friends are going to have to pick a side. After 13 years she jumps into a rebound with a rebound. What a slap in my face. A pox on them both.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> She is officially dating the EA OM. The truth has set me free. He just got dumped after 11 years by his girlfriend.


Probably harder than hell to do.... but smile. It will never work between them two....


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

UPDATE: I am doing very well. Since she is now "openly" dating her 5'4" oompa loompa...I have filed a Cross - Complaint with court for Adultery. CT is a no fault state, however, adultery is taken into serious consideration due to the economic hardship her affair had, causing her to leave, and burdening me with motgage and home bills & liabilities. I also filed Pendent Lite for exclusive use of family home and requested allocation of all household marital expenses and liabilities.

PS: Her 5'4' Napolean boyfriend sent threatening text challenging me to fight (I saved it.) I replied...Your "girlfriend" is a ***** that chose to have afffair as a married woman. I pack heat bro. But don't worry, I will just call the police if you ever come anywhere near me. 

I have made remarkable progress. Called my doctor, my March physical weigh in was 249. I am now down to a buffed 214. I have decided not to date nor enter into any affair until after divorce is final,...and yes...I am finally used to living alone working on the most important project of my life, ME!

This site, and all your encouragement has help far more than my therapist who simply bores me as I repeat the same things over and over. I'll keep the $35 co-pays thank you. Now back to primary care physician to ween me off anti-depressants.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Glad to hear you are doing well ANL. Well at least she is helping your case out what a idiot. Just wait until shes kicking herself in the butt one day. Congrats on the weight loss its a hell of a program for anyone that can handle it sadly.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> Glad to hear you are doing well ANL. Well at least she is helping your case out what a idiot. Just wait until shes kicking herself in the butt one day. Congrats on the weight loss its a hell of a program for anyone that can handle it sadly.


I am focused like never before in my life with school & gym....my friend even did the Six Million Dollar Man intro for me...

Colonel Joseph (name omitted for privacy) insurance agent, a man barely alive....we can rebuild him...make him better, stronger, smarter than he was before....These are dark times...but I consider myself a caterpillar entering it's coccoon, I will emege graceful and beautiful.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

By the way, how are you holding up Lostoutthere?


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Im holding up pretty good. Its getting better as time goes on still cant believe that I went through all this mess and came out sane. I know its still going to take time so im just doing the same as you working on myself and doing things I like that keeps my mind occupied.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> Now friends are going to have to pick a side. After 13 years she jumps into a rebound with a rebound. What a slap in my face. A pox on them both.


I hear you on this...it totally sucks. My stbxw is not "openly" dating someone, but she has been hitting on an old hs friend that is recently divorced, and I know for a fact she has asked at least one couple ("friends" of "ours") if they wanted to double with them sometime.

Her new douche isn't an oompa loompa, more like a homeless troll with the world's most boring job, plays in a band on the side (and is terrible, btw), just got left and steamrolled by his ex. Amazing how she downgraded for whoever was available. He can have at it...I got a thousand bucks she hasn't told him why I left her either (because she turned into a lying and cheating ***** who showed no real remorse for her actions). Not my place to interfere because I'm gone anyway, but would be nice to drop a truth bomb on him. Don't get me wrong, if he digs her I'm sure he'd look past it for easy sex.

A pox on them both, indeed. Maybe literally! I'm guessing she also hasn't told him that she had unprotected sex with her d-bag OM (who dumped her after I blew up the affair and left) and that she hasn't been tested for STD's. Ahhh, all the intricate workings of life. 

Hang in there man, you sound great these days.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Shamwow said:


> I hear you on this...it totally sucks. My stbxw is not "openly" dating someone, but she has been hitting on an old hs friend that is recently divorced, and I know for a fact she has asked at least one couple ("friends" of "ours") if they wanted to double with them sometime.
> 
> Her new douche isn't an oompa loompa, more like a homeless troll with the world's most boring job, plays in a band on the side (and is terrible, btw), just got left and steamrolled by his ex. Amazing how she downgraded for whoever was available. He can have at it...I got a thousand bucks she hasn't told him why I left her either (because she turned into a lying and cheating ***** who showed no real remorse for her actions). Not my place to interfere because I'm gone anyway, but would be nice to drop a truth bomb on him. Don't get me wrong, if he digs her I'm sure he'd look past it for easy sex.
> 
> ...


I do thanks. A lot of credit goes to you guys and this website. I just hope I don't have to shoot Napolean. I carry daily. RUGER LCP. I don't want to lose my permit...I will just call Police. He just got dumped by GIRLFRIEND (***** could man up and marry)
so these 2 dolts are doomed in the DOUBLE REBOUND.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Napoleon. LOL Good to hear you are doing well. I think it's considered a hate crime here if you beat up a "little person" . BTW dump the Ruger and get a Browning HI-Power Mark III. LOL J/K the Ruger is a fine gun.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> Napoleon. LOL Good to hear you are doing well. I think it's considered a hate crime here if you beat up a "little person" . BTW dump the Ruger and get a Browning HI-Power Mark III. LOL J/K the Ruger is a fine gun.


I'm just a Ruger guy...SR9c...Mark III..LCP. The LCP feels like a wallet in my pocket. Been in my pocket since day 1. The SR9c goes in an IWB Kholster, I carry 17+1. THe LCP is just so nice to carry. Only 380, 6+1...I group well! LOL!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Funny how many people recommended I take said weapons out of my home when this all went down....like any woman is worth killing yourself. Plus she moved out and wouldn't have to scrub my brains off the wall...just kidding..lol!


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> .I group well! LOL!


I hope so, that POS sounds like a tiny target.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> I hope so, that POS sounds like a tiny target.


and there wouldn't be very much grey matter to scrape off the wall. Mutual friends have described him as, "nice", "gentleman", "dimwitted."


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> Funny how many people recommended I take said weapons out of my home when this all went down....like any woman is worth killing yourself. Plus she moved out and wouldn't have to scrub my brains off the wall...just kidding..lol!


I took mine out of the house not for my own safety but for theirs!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Lostouthere said:


> I took mine out of the house not for my own safety but for theirs!


If I was nuts (might have been for a while there..) I'd belly shoot both of them.....they'd be a LONG time dying. Poor form of a joke I understand...but I wasn't rational...I din't ask for, nor did I derserve what went down. I have freed my mind of mental torture. The mirror pleases me after all the work I've put into my body and healthy. Is it pride that makes me miss the witch at times...of was it sleping next to someone for 13 years. That is my only affliction right now...the rollercoaster between my ears is gone. I just sometimes miss her in my empty house.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

If I would have kept mine in the house it would be some bad stuff that would have already went down. Which I am past that now but as of a few weeks ago nope. Like you I did not deserve what went down but hey karma is a *****. I seen a quote I hate you but Im to tired to bother with you so I will just sit back and let karma kick your ass. And likewise that is when I miss my ex sometimes is just the empty house but hey Im good without her.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

She started EA July 24th, filed for divorce August 17th. Now she's telling friends she didn't start "dating" the midget until 3 weeks after she filed. My best friend's wife believes that. We had a nice screaming match about me being "angry" "hateful" and "spewing hatred" towards her when she has not said one disrespectful word about me since this happened. (Actions speak louder than words) I told her what would you do/say if your husband spent a weekend with a man texted him 1700 times but waited 3 weeks post filing to enter "relationship" BULL**** it what any sane human would say. I am concerned about my anger and hatred lately. Though I prefer this to spineless crybaby.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

I am still alive. Weigh in at 213. Bench press up to 155. I filed motions for exclusive use of home & allocation of household and marital expenses and liabilities. I also filed cross complaint for adultery. I will see the witch in court for round one wednesday. i am fine...but still have a hard time being alone in house at night. lost my wife to texting....talked to a couple women...got their numbers...all they want to do is text! what has the world come to in 2011? does any talk? well at least court starts...hence the battle begins....we have moved from the end of the beginning.....to the beginning of the end. I hope all of you following this are done well also...I haven't checked in in a while....a good thing i guess!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

How is everyone that was following this thread. I hammered her in Court. I got exclusive use of home and she was ordered to pay me $150 a week towards joint mortgage. $1844 in unpaid motgage was ordered to be applied in my favor towards final agreement. She looked like a deer in headlights. A formerly curvy woman....she cant weigh 90 lbs. I pitied the sight of her. Life goes on...I am doing well!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Anewlife, that is what you call comeupings ;o) Congrats on having a banner day.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

It brought me no joy. I am moving on but it is sad to realize one third (13 years) of your
life...your hopes, dreams & aspirations are gone in the blink of an eye to the selfishness
Of infidelity. She looks horribly thin..lives with her mother...broke and anirexuc looking
and I pity her. BF or no...I am in a much better place. I wish it never happened. But it did.
I've lost 38 lbs and am closing to finishing my degree.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bluburn (Nov 13, 2011)

hi anewlife. just take care of yourself and kids. as for her, she will die horribly with her SOB. both of them are son of *****s, their mothers are *****s.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

bluburn said:


> hi anewlife. just take care of yourself and kids. as for her, she will die horribly with her SOB. both of them are son of *****s, their mothers are *****s.


No kids. She lied about trying to concieve.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Hang in there man. Does she seem remorseful at all? Not that it makes much difference now.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

No it doesn't. She still mantains he's just a. "friend." Yet my buddies wife pointed out they officially started, "dates" 3 weeks after she filed. BS! And I don't give a damn. F YOU! Pay me!


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> No it doesn't. She still mantains he's just a. "friend." Yet my buddies wife pointed out they officially started, "dates" 3 weeks after she filed. BS! And I don't give a damn. F YOU! Pay me!


:rofl: OUTSTANDING!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Joe Kidd (my name is Joe too..) How you holding up?


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> Joe Kidd (my name is Joe too..) How you holding up?


Pretty well. We still have our days , we have come close to calling it quits a few times but hanging in there. Thanks for asking.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Well done, now she can be someone else's dirty baggage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Well done, now she can be someone else's dirty baggage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am passsed even wishing bad....I just don't care anymore. The only thing thats gets me sometimes is the loss of 13 years of my life...


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> I am passsed even wishing bad....I just don't care anymore. The only thing thats gets me sometimes is the loss of 13 years of my life...


 Yeah. Makes you wonder if the whole thing was a lie from day one. Well, now you can go be happy.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Well....Thanksgiving sucked!!!


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Anewlife said:


> Well....Thanksgiving sucked!!!


Sorry to hear that man.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

So sorry.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

She sent Thanksgiving card to my mother...and put my court ordered mortgage check in the card!

Ma,

I miss you. I hope you and your family have a peaceful Thanksgiving.

WTF!


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

Shamwow said:


> I hear you on this...it totally sucks. My stbxw is not "openly" dating someone, but she has been hitting on an old hs friend that is recently divorced, and I know for a fact she has asked at least one couple ("friends" of "ours") if they wanted to double with them sometime.
> 
> Her new douche isn't an oompa loompa, more like a homeless troll with the world's most boring job, plays in a band on the side (and is terrible, btw), just got left and steamrolled by his ex. Amazing how she downgraded for whoever was available. He can have at it...I got a thousand bucks she hasn't told him why I left her either (because she turned into a lying and cheating ***** who showed no real remorse for her actions). Not my place to interfere because I'm gone anyway, but would be nice to drop a truth bomb on him. Don't get me wrong, if he digs her I'm sure he'd look past it for easy sex.
> 
> ...


Jeez, I just had a thought on the STD's, talk about unintended revenge. I got herpes years before I met my wife and we always abstained if I had an outbreak. I always wore a condom for years until she basically said " We are married, so what if I get it, I get it". She did have some symptoms of it, but was never tested, it's harder to spot with a woman than a man. The chances of after 20 years of intercourse of her having picked it up from me are pretty good. I doubt she's even given it a thought....I can't imagine what happens when the OM comes down with it, it should be interesting....


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

She wants visitation rights for dogs. She wants to be friends. WTF???


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

^^^^

Tell her she's a good sport, but unfortunately "No." Ask her why she wants to see the dogs when she's got OompaLoompa in her life now. Is he no longer holding her interest anymore? 

If I was a betting man, I'd say she is trying to work her way back into your life.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

That ship has sailed! Little does she now I filed for a continuance of the divorce hearing for 60 days. I need time to refinance and get physicals and teeth worked on while I am on her insurance. Plus the $150 the court orderd her to pay me weekly for mortgage aint too shabby!


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Just checking in. Haven't been here for a while. Doing as good as I can. At 40 I returned to finish my computer engineering degree. A B B D...considering where I was...I'll take it. Court is going to force sale of house. Comps have been on market three years. I should have time to graduate (December) I will continue to receive $150 a week for mortgage and health insurance. Could be worse. Finding it awkward to speak with women still...but I am at least trying. If you are new to this...hang in there....it doesn't get BETTER quickly...just less BAD.


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## Anewlife (Sep 15, 2011)

Divorce is final. She cancelled my health insurance. I kept house and dogs. I could give 2 sh its about her. There is just a 13 year void in my life. It's like someone I loved died. Moving along....but damn....this isn't easy. it's tough to connect to another woman. Seems everyone else is damaged too....at least the available ones i've run into. I didn't ask for this...yet here I am dealing with it.


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