# Is anyone else's spouse still their fantasy?



## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

Okay, I read a lot of negative comments about sex within marriage on here. Some of it is sad, and I mean that genuinely, it is sad and a shame. Maybe we can try something a bit more positive here? For me, my wife even after over a decade of being together is still my fantasy. I still lust after her as much as I did when we first met, multiple children she has bore and all. None of that has changed. Other than the couple weeks of healing after her pregnancies we have never gone without sex. We still have sex 3-4 times a week for sure. So more or less, every other day. All I can ask is, is this way above normal nowadays? I honestly didn't think it was until I heard different testimonies from friends and people on here and so on and so forth. I realize that every other day is actually a very high end amount for married couples to do. 

My question is, why is that? My wife and I work opposite shifts and there are times when I can't wait until she gets home so I can rip her clothes off and ravage her. I never have gotten sick of her. I still to this day think I am the luckiest guy in the world every time we have sex. That has never changed and I realize that for a lot of couples it has. 

Part of it is that we keep things fresh and exciting. The odd kinky thing, lots of lingerie and nightgowns being worn (by her of course). I never get tired of it. Who is with me in this regards to their spouse? Are they still your fantasy?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

God bless you!


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## SA2017 (Dec 27, 2016)

this is good. keep this habit.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

My spouse is the dream man I didn't think existed. He is exactly who I need. I love loving him.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Clockwork said:


> Okay, I read a lot of negative comments about sex within marriage on here. Some of it is sad, and I mean that genuinely, it is sad and a shame. Maybe we can try something a bit more positive here? For me, my wife even after over a decade of being together is still my fantasy. I still lust after her as much as I did when we first met, multiple children she has bore and all. None of that has changed. Other than the couple weeks of healing after her pregnancies we have never gone without sex. We still have sex 3-4 times a week for sure. So more or less, every other day. All I can ask is, is this way above normal nowadays? I honestly didn't think it was until I heard different testimonies from friends and people on here and so on and so forth. I realize that every other day is actually a very high end amount for married couples to do.
> 
> My question is, why is that? My wife and I work opposite shifts and there are times when I can't wait until she gets home so I can rip her clothes off and ravage her. I never have gotten sick of her. I still to this day think I am the luckiest guy in the world every time we have sex. That has never changed and I realize that for a lot of couples it has.
> 
> Part of it is that we keep things fresh and exciting. The odd kinky thing, lots of lingerie and nightgowns being worn (by her of course). I never get tired of it. Who is with me in this regards to their spouse? Are they still your fantasy?


I often go outside the marriage for sex; all I have to do is imagine I am not married to my spouse and then have (forbidden) sex with her. 

No really, I don't have time to fantasize much about her. Too busy living out those fantasies.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> I often go outside the marriage for sex; all I have to do is imagine I am not married to my spouse and then have (forbidden) sex with her.
> 
> No really, I don't have time to fantasize much about her. Too busy living out those fantasies.


Yeah, been there with the old "isn't your wife going to be coming home soon" routine. My wife is actually always the one that initiates that.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Clockwork said:


> Okay, I read a lot of negative comments about sex within marriage on here. Some of it is sad, and I mean that genuinely, it is sad and a shame. Maybe we can try something a bit more positive here? For me, my wife even after over a decade of being together is still my fantasy. I still lust after her as much as I did when we first met, multiple children she has bore and all. None of that has changed. Other than the couple weeks of healing after her pregnancies we have never gone without sex. We still have sex 3-4 times a week for sure. So more or less, every other day. All I can ask is, is this way above normal nowadays? I honestly didn't think it was until I heard different testimonies from friends and people on here and so on and so forth. I realize that every other day is actually a very high end amount for married couples to do.
> 
> My question is, why is that? My wife and I work opposite shifts and there are times when I can't wait until she gets home so I can rip her clothes off and ravage her. I never have gotten sick of her. I still to this day think I am the luckiest guy in the world every time we have sex. That has never changed and I realize that for a lot of couples it has.
> 
> Part of it is that we keep things fresh and exciting. The odd kinky thing, lots of lingerie and nightgowns being worn (by her of course). I never get tired of it. Who is with me in this regards to their spouse? Are they still your fantasy?


*God only knows that when I fall in love with the next woman, I sure as hell want her to be my unfettered fantasy, just as I hope and pray that I'm hers! 

But that certainly does not extend to either of my unconscionable exes! Their unbridled, covert deceit laid waste to all of those dreams!

I'd have to say that you two are one extremely lucky couple! I wish you nothing but continued marital bliss and success!*


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

My wife is in all of my fantasies. I love her deeply and genuinely lust her as well. Physical touch is my love language so that may play a factor.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Boy, absolutely. All is anytime even after 33 yrs.


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## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

I really don't know what o say to that.
Assuming you're being honest, it's hard to believe that.
Sounds like a movie reading this.
And I dare to say, I'm speaking on behalf of many folks here.
Man don't lose that, ever.
That's rare, that's odd, that's unique.
You and your wife should be giving marriage conferences.

Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Pepe1970 said:


> You and your wife should be giving marriage conferences.
> 
> Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk



Preferably with demonstrations, ‘slide’ shows and pie charts 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

It has to be. Never heard of that story before.


inmyprime said:


> Preferably with demonstrations, ‘slide’ shows and pie charts
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Yes!!! I think he is maddddd hottttt. I just need to get him to give it up more.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

My wife was my perfect dream girl for the first 23 years of our marriage, despite our having very little sex. That is probably a part of why I stayed.

Now she has had surgery and physically is no longer my dream girl. Which makes tolerating the lack of sex easier. And frankly since her surgery and cutting out sex entirely our marriage is much better than it was before.

So maybe being the other person's "fantasy" is not always best. Our marriage is much better since I stopped objectifying her so much. After all, we are married to a real flesh and blood person with their own thoughts and feelings. Our spouse is not just an avatar for our fantasies.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Clockwork said:


> Okay, I read a lot of negative comments about sex within marriage on here. Some of it is sad, and I mean that genuinely, it is sad and a shame. Maybe we can try something a bit more positive here? For me, my wife even after over a decade of being together is still my fantasy. I still lust after her as much as I did when we first met, multiple children she has bore and all. None of that has changed. Other than the couple weeks of healing after her pregnancies we have never gone without sex. We still have sex 3-4 times a week for sure. So more or less, every other day. All I can ask is, is this way above normal nowadays? I honestly didn't think it was until I heard different testimonies from friends and people on here and so on and so forth. I realize that every other day is actually a very high end amount for married couples to do.
> 
> My question is, why is that? My wife and I work opposite shifts and there are times when I can't wait until she gets home so I can rip her clothes off and ravage her. I never have gotten sick of her. I still to this day think I am the luckiest guy in the world every time we have sex. That has never changed and I realize that for a lot of couples it has.
> 
> Part of it is that we keep things fresh and exciting. The odd kinky thing, lots of lingerie and nightgowns being worn (by her of course). I never get tired of it. Who is with me in this regards to their spouse? Are they still your fantasy?


Good for you, it is nice to hear some positive stories, I hope this is me in twenty years.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

I fell in love with my husband when I first saw him when I was 13. It took about three years of pining for him before we actually began dating, and going on 12 years down the line we're still as strong as ever. At 27 I've technically been in love with him for over half my life already! We often joke about how he'll have to wait until he's 38 before he can say the same thing hahaha But anytime I look at him I feel that same incredible desire and couldn't imagine being with anyone else. He is my everything, my fantasy, whatever anyone wants to call it, and that's never wavered. Even after birth both times we couldn't wait more than two days, and even with my sexual restrictions after my hysterectomy (no intercourse for six weeks), we had daily outercourse and couldn't keep our hands off each other. We show physical affections daily in one form or another, and I honestly can't imagine, even after our heaviest arguments, going to bed without reaching out to him.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My wife is still my fantasy. Sadly the opposite is not true.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Preferably with demonstrations, ‘*slide*’ shows and pie charts


I read that as *side* shows. Oh boy!

OP, what you have IS rare. Hang onto it, and keep doing what you guys are doing!


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## criticalthinker (May 17, 2018)

Hello all. This is my first post and I'd like to share my thoughts on this subject. 

My wife and I are coming up on our 20th year married and I still believe she is still my fantasy in every way!... She's beautiful, very smart, and an independent women. 
And, yes, the sex is still extraordinary! It just seems to get better as we age. When we're not together she's all I think about. I often fantasize about new ways I
could satisfy her. She isn't ashamed to let me know what I mean to her. We both gained quite a bit of weight over the years. Now we're both on a mission to loose the weight,
get in shape and we agreed to do it together. A couple that sweats together, stays together, right?!...


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

criticalthinker said:


> Hello all. This is my first post and I'd like to share my thoughts on this subject.
> 
> My wife and I are coming up on our 20th year married and I still believe she is still my fantasy in every way!... She's beautiful, very smart, and an independent women.
> And, yes, the sex is still extraordinary! It just seems to get better as we age. When we're not together she's all I think about. I often fantasize about new ways I
> ...


or they both look good in divorce court 

My wife and I are also losing weight together. We both have 5-10lbs to go...and those last 5-10 seem to be the hardest. Congrats on the move to get healthier. Your penis is going to look bigger


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

Holdingontoit said:


> My wife was my perfect dream girl for the first 23 years of our marriage, despite our having very little sex. That is probably a part of why I stayed.
> 
> Now she has had surgery and physically is no longer my dream girl. Which makes tolerating the lack of sex easier. And frankly since her surgery and cutting out sex entirely our marriage is much better than it was before.
> 
> So maybe being the other person's "fantasy" is not always best. Our marriage is much better since I stopped objectifying her so much. After all, we are married to a real flesh and blood person with their own thoughts and feelings. Our spouse is not just an avatar for our fantasies.


Part of what you are saying I get. You need a lot more than just lust for each other to make a marriage work. Please don't think just because my wife is my sexual fantasy that she is that and only that. 

My question to you though is how bad can things have gotten that your wife is no longer attractive physically to you? I don't know your story, so I can't pretend to guess it, but she is still the same person, no? Plus, how can things be "better" without sex? You mentioned 23 years of marriage. That could put you still in your 40s or maybe 50. To me at least, that is pretty young to swear off sex the rest of your life.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

ButWeAreStrange said:


> I fell in love with my husband when I first saw him when I was 13. It took about three years of pining for him before we actually began dating, and going on 12 years down the line we're still as strong as ever. At 27 I've technically been in love with him for over half my life already! We often joke about how he'll have to wait until he's 38 before he can say the same thing hahaha But anytime I look at him I feel that same incredible desire and couldn't imagine being with anyone else. He is my everything, my fantasy, whatever anyone wants to call it, and that's never wavered. Even after birth both times we couldn't wait more than two days, and even with my sexual restrictions after my hysterectomy (no intercourse for six weeks), we had daily outercourse and couldn't keep our hands off each other. We show physical affections daily in one form or another, and I honestly can't imagine, even after our heaviest arguments, going to bed without reaching out to him.


Wow, that's gutsy with the hysterectomy, haha! But I understand. Each time after kids we tried and I'd penetrate a bit in her and she would tell me if she was too sore or not. I remember after our first child, it was a couple weeks and I remember coming home from work one day and the baby was sleeping and she basically just motioned for me to come upstairs. She was ready.


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## criticalthinker (May 17, 2018)

Thank you... That's what I'm hoping for. To get rid of this ****ie-do (My tummy sticks out further than my ****ie do!)


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I crave him. I got it bad..!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

here is the thing. You can MAKE your wife your fantasy! You just have to find her attractive to you. Since you two already love each other, and that is a big part, you are well on your way.

But boredom does creep into married sex lives. So you need to mix it up a little. Lingerie. Sex in new place. New sexual techniques/positions. Kinky stuff.


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## Clockwork (May 2, 2018)

Another thing I do, and maybe others do as well, is that I fantasize when I see old pictures of my wife. Ones from before we met. I fantasize being with her then as well. I have had her wear her prom dress once and it was kinky. I didn't know her then (met about 3 years later) and she was a virgin then too. I certainly never grow tired of stuff like that. But there are pictures of her (current and past) that get me aroused instantly. There is this picture of her when she was 20 in a bikini walking her dog on the beach. This is a year before we met but I have fantasized many times about hooking up with her then and ravaging her.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Married going on 31 years and she is most definitely still my fantasy.

I still fantasize of all the things we will do together, how often, and how intense it will be.

But then again, fantasy is primarily reserved for that which does not happen in real life. So it appears I am destined to always have her as my fantasy.


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## Pepe1970 (Aug 25, 2017)

Hat off to you guys


Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Married going on 31 years and she is most definitely still my fantasy.
> 
> I still fantasize of all the things we will do together, how often, and how intense it will be.
> 
> But then again, fantasy is primarily reserved for that which does not happen in real life. So it appears I am destined to always have her as my fantasy.


Sent from my QMV7A using Tapatalk


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Clockwork said:


> Okay, I read a lot of negative comments about sex within marriage on here. Some of it is sad, and I mean that genuinely, it is sad and a shame. Maybe we can try something a bit more positive here? For me, my wife even after over a decade of being together is still my fantasy. I still lust after her as much as I did when we first met, multiple children she has bore and all. None of that has changed. Other than the couple weeks of healing after her pregnancies we have never gone without sex. We still have sex 3-4 times a week for sure. So more or less, every other day. All I can ask is, is this way above normal nowadays? I honestly didn't think it was until I heard different testimonies from friends and people on here and so on and so forth. I realize that every other day is actually a very high end amount for married couples to do.
> 
> My question is, why is that? My wife and I work opposite shifts and there are times when I can't wait until she gets home so I can rip her clothes off and ravage her. I never have gotten sick of her. I still to this day think I am the luckiest guy in the world every time we have sex. That has never changed and I realize that for a lot of couples it has.
> 
> Part of it is that we keep things fresh and exciting. The odd kinky thing, lots of lingerie and nightgowns being worn (by her of course). I never get tired of it. Who is with me in this regards to their spouse? Are they still your fantasy?


I still very much lust after Mrs. Conan, even after 27 years. She would never walk straight a moment in her life if I had my way.

As for her being my fantasy??!!?? I would never treat her, or pretty much any other human being, to what I fantasize about!>:wink2:


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## His_Response (Jun 14, 2018)

My wife and I have been married over 25 years now, and yes, she is still my fantasy. I'd keep her in bed all day if I could. For me, sex is very important, and she's been the object of my desire since we met. There's a lot more to our story, but that's for another time.


-H


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

My spouse has only recently become my fantasy. We've had a very troubled sex life from our honeymoon onward, and his anorgasmia made me feel unwanted and unworthy. But a few weeks ago, he climaxed with me for the first time and it's like a switch has flipped that I didn't know was there. I can't get enough of him. Sometimes, I can climax just thinking of him, without using my hands!


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## Where there's a will (Feb 10, 2014)

That is amazing and I am pleased for you. Having fantasies about someone that you are married to is for many a two edged sword though. I find it very destructive when it is not possible to fulfill those fantasies which I guess is why many need to go outside the marriage in order to make up the gap. For many of us in long term relationships the other half has become a non sexual partner especially after menopause and it is hard to live with.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Where there's a will said:


> That is amazing and I am pleased for you. Having fantasies about someone that you are married to is for many a two edged sword though. I find it very destructive when it is not possible to fulfill those fantasies which I guess is why many need to go outside the marriage in order to make up the gap. For many of us in long term relationships the other half has become a non sexual partner especially after menopause and it is hard to live with.


I have had some pretty vivid fantasies about my wife.

I have shared some of them with her. While it's clear most of them are never going to happen, she likes the fact that she is still at the center of them, even if she's not up for actually doing it. 

In our case, it's not a problem for me or our marriage, at least in terms of it inducing desire to go outside the marriage to fulfill them. For me, the with her part will always override the what we're doing part. 

On a side note, overall, things have opened up slightly in the immediate post-menopausal era.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Dear God yes. Married 33yrs.
Sex long sessions Sat and Sun, and 3-5 times during the week. If I or wife go to bed at 8:00pm and turn Alexa on our rule is we're both going by 8:15. TV is never more important than sex and the intimacy generated. This is our pattern, YMV.

I created a rule don't come to bed at 9:00 and think that's a good time to start fooling around. That stuck, and all is great.

Whatever works for a good marriage is ok, goes w/o saying.


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## Dave25 (May 24, 2019)

Clockwork said:


> Okay, I read a lot of negative comments about sex within marriage on here. Some of it is sad, and I mean that genuinely, it is sad and a shame. Maybe we can try something a bit more positive here? For me, my wife even after over a decade of being together is still my fantasy. I still lust after her as much as I did when we first met, multiple children she has bore and all. None of that has changed. Other than the couple weeks of healing after her pregnancies we have never gone without sex. We still have sex 3-4 times a week for sure. So more or less, every other day. All I can ask is, is this way above normal nowadays? I honestly didn't think it was until I heard different testimonies from friends and people on here and so on and so forth. I realize that every other day is actually a very high end amount for married couples to do.
> 
> My question is, why is that? My wife and I work opposite shifts and there are times when I can't wait until she gets home so I can rip her clothes off and ravage her. I never have gotten sick of her. I still to this day think I am the luckiest guy in the world every time we have sex. That has never changed and I realize that for a lot of couples it has.
> 
> Part of it is that we keep things fresh and exciting. The odd kinky thing, lots of lingerie and nightgowns being worn (by her of course). I never get tired of it. Who is with me in this regards to their spouse? Are they still your fantasy?


Yes, I have been married ten years. I still fantasize about my wife, I desire her, I enjoy every inch of her. I'll think about what I want to do with her throughout the day and then do it when I get home. We are emotionally, spiritually, and physically close. I believe that's something almost anyone can have. It is a delight to be married.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

After nearly 20 years, my wife still figures large in most of my fantasies. My long-term poly/FWB sometimes does as well - usually as a threesome (which we've actually done). My wife is by far the best lover I've ever had, so fantasy and reality are almost identical.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I think this thread I stared a few months ago says it all- https://talkaboutmarriage.com/gener...-sexy-lingerie-thing-worked.html#post19856317


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

After 20+ years, my husband is absolutely still my fantasy, and according to him I am his. Unfortunately, due to current stress (death in the family) neither one of us seems to be in the mood very often. Even still, there is no one else that inspires my pleasure, or his. We do discuss things very openly, and always have.

We still have sex, just not as frequently as we'd both prefer. Hopefully that will change soon.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Yes.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

I think my husband is very hot. I am a one-man woman. I tend to stay very focused, like, I don't fantasize about Brad Pitt or whoever else is supposed to be the sexiest man alive, etc. 

Unfortunately, it doesn't work the other way. Sometimes I'm sad about that but different guys are different in that regard. I would have let him go early on had I known his mindset earlier. Unfortunately, too much time has passed and it's too late to start over. 

He is the type of guy who likes a lot of variety. It's not overt behavior, it's very secretive obsessions with women he meets, he knows, he works with, wherever. 

He says he loves having sex with me - and I've kept myself up well over the years - but he just likes the idea of having a lot of variety and likes to keep it a secret. 

I've tried getting him more comfortable with an open and honest sexuality - even gone to swingers clubs (didn't have sex with anyone) and meeting with some swingers (didn't end up having sex with anyone) but when all is said and done, he prefers having secret obsessions and masturbating to those fantasies.

We're not a great match in that regard.


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