# Dh just not picky?



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I read stories on here about how this type of sex is not good enough, or that type is not good enough, mostly from men. I asked dh about this, and he seems to feel like laid is laid, and it's all good.

Anybody else see it this way? Or is the satisfaction level also related to the emotional connection in the relationship? 

In other words, if people are unsatisfied, it is not just the sex itself they are unsatisfied with, even if that is the thing they are complaining about, but more the whole relationship?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Sex is like Pizza.

When it's good, it's great.
When it's bad, it's still pretty good.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Hicks said:


> Sex is like Pizza.
> 
> When it's good, it's great.
> When it's bad, it's still pretty good.


Lol! It sounds like you are not picky, either! Would you say you are generally happy with the relationship as a whole, too?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Good sex means different things to different people. For me, there are some things that make for bad sex - at least if those things are all there is. Good or bad sex is possible whether or not there is an emotional connection, but it can be better when there is.

And yes, some will complain about the sex when it is the relationship that's lacking, because a lack of enthusiasm for your partner is a sign of relationship problems that are usually obvious during sex.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

I'm picky in the sense that vanilla duty sex doesn't do anything for me. Lack of enthusiastic sex is actually more of a beat down to me and ruins my spirit for the entire relationship. Your husband may have a completely different outlook than me, although there was a time that I would have answered the same way as you say he did.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Married but Happy said:


> Good sex means different things to different people. For me, there are some things that make for bad sex - at least if those things are all there is. Good or bad sex is possible whether or not there is an emotional connection, but it can be better when there is.
> 
> And yes, some will complain about the sex when it is the relationship that's lacking, because a lack of enthusiasm for your partner is a sign of relationship problems that are usually obvious during sex.


We were typing essentially the same thing at the same time


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

okeydokie said:


> I'm picky in the sense that vanilla duty sex doesn't do anything for me. Lack of enthusiastic sex is actually more of a beat down to me and ruins my spirit for the entire relationship. Your husband may have a completely different outlook than me, although there was a time that I would have answered the same way as you say he did.


What changed for you?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

jld said:


> I read stories on here about how this type of sex is not good enough, or that type is not good enough, mostly from men. I asked dh about this, and he seems to feel like laid is laid, and it's all good.
> 
> Anybody else see it this way? Or is the satisfaction level also related to the emotional connection in the relationship?
> 
> In other words, if people are unsatisfied, it is not just the sex itself they are unsatisfied with, even if that is the thing they are complaining about, but more the whole relationship?


If I'm not satisfied in the relationship then the sex will be complete garbage to me. DH is the same way. his sexual satisfaction is deeply rooted in his emotional satisfaction. My connection of sex with emotions is pretty recent,within the last 8 years or so. He has always been that way though. He says he never had a one night stand bc "I just can't get it up for a chick I don't care about."

We haven't gotten to a point of being unsatisfied with the relationship so any sex we have is really great still LOL


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

jld said:


> What changed for you?


Laid wasnt laid anymore, it wasn't satisfying


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

"if people are unsatisfied, it is not just the sex itself they are unsatisfied with"

I agree with this. 
I think almost all people require emotional engagement, When you are in a relationship that has that you do not really think of it. You only think about it when you do not have it.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

For me, I have never been a laid is laid kind of guy. For me, there is such a thing as bad sex, and I would rather go without than have bad sex.

I think the root of the problems we see here with this is not good enough, or that is not good enough really boils down to sexual mismatch between partners.

My STBW and I have sex. A lot. 10-15 times a week. It is always of the highest quality. We are both completely satisfied every time, unless you coun't wanting to go at it again right away as not being satisfied  The thing is, there are some people here who would be completely bored with what we do because by some standards, we are pretty vanilla. Standard oral, about five diffeent positions we use, but maybe only two in any given sesion. We don't use toys, very rarely does she wear any lingerie. No anal. Each session lasts 45 minutes to an hour. Rarely outside of the bedroom...but we are both very happy and satisfied with that. We are completely in sync with each other as far as wants and desires. And yes, we do talk about our sex life. A lot


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I'd pass on so-so sex. Top shelf, or forget it!

However, due to our very high levels of intimacy, even our simplest missionary vanilla sex is top shelf.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I believe that people lie with their words more often than with their actions. Here's a little experiment for you. The next 3 times you have sex with Dh just lay there. At the 2 minute mark pretend like you're stifling a yawn. At the 3 minute mark check your watch and ask him if he's close to finishing. After this experiment ask him again if "laid is laid".


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## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I believe that people lie with their words more often than with their actions. Here's a little experiment for you. The next 3 times you have sex with Dh just lay there. At the 2 minute mark pretend like you're stifling a yawn. At the 3 minute mark check your watch and ask him if he's close to finishing. After this experiment ask him again if "laid is laid".


Lol,

For me, vanilla sex just doesnt cut it.

For someone to just lay there in missionary and silent throughout the whole act just kills it for me. 

I would rather masterbate than have that kind of sex all the time. Srs.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

I could handle vanilla and quickies if it was offset by a few mind blowers.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Janky said:


> Lol,
> 
> For me, vanilla sex just doesnt cut it.
> 
> ...


The missionary might be a vanilla *position *to some, but the position doesn't mean the sex has to be vanilla. Worlds can be rocked in that position.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> I could handle vanilla and quickies if it was offset by a few mind blowers.


Athol Kay makes that point that half of all sex with your spouse is by definition below average (technically below median for you math geeks, but you understand).

So sex is better at different than others with my wife. There are times it is just a quicky or fairly tame for a number of reasons. And there are times it almost kills both of us. 

The key for us is that both of us want to be there for the other person. Even the most tame occasions are about us connecting. There is no more eye rolling or sighs to just get it over with. It is about us recognizing a need in the other and wanting to help them with that need. And sometimes what starts out as tame gets pretty wild very quickly.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Tall Average Guy said:


> So sex is better at different than others with my wife. There are times it is just a quicky or fairly tame for a number of reasons. And there are times it almost kills both of us.
> 
> The key for us is that both of us want to be there for the other person. Even the most tame occasions are about us connecting. There is no more eye rolling or sighs to just get it over with. It is about us recognizing a need in the other and wanting to help them with that need. And sometimes what starts out as tame gets pretty wild very quickly.


Beautiful post.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I believe that people lie with their words more often than with their actions. Here's a little experiment for you. The next 3 times you have sex with Dh just lay there. At the 2 minute mark pretend like you're stifling a yawn. At the 3 minute mark check your watch and ask him if he's close to finishing. After this experiment ask him again if "laid is laid".


Lol. I get your point. Thanks for the post.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

JustPuzzled said:


> Sex varies. As long as it's frequent and varied (intensity, positions, locations around the house, quickie or full on "session", etc.) it's all good.


Agreed, once a month or less with zero enthusiasm, no


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I believe that people lie with their words more often than with their actions. Here's a little experiment for you. The next 3 times you have sex with Dh just lay there. At the 2 minute mark pretend like you're stifling a yawn. At the 3 minute mark check your watch and ask him if he's close to finishing. After this experiment ask him again if "laid is laid".



This calls for a trained professional with clipboard, protocol checklist, graph paper, and all :rofl:

Seriously, the laid is laid could well be just for physical satisfaction, not emotional enhancement...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Thanks, everyone, for the responses.

Dh just read the thread and still thinks that laid is laid, lol. He said even if it is not always 10/10, even 8/10 or 7/10 is still a good score. And he totally agreed with the pizza analogy.


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