# How soon for sex?



## crazycat25 (Mar 31, 2011)

I am posting this for a girlfriend. I'm married. My girlfriend is dating a guy who is very prominent i'n business. Good reputation. She met him on dating website. She says he has tried to sleep with her on 2nd date. She was texting back and forth with him... After that night and he wanted phone sex. She did it. Well now he is inviting her to dinner at his house. She's scared that he is going to try to be s
Sexually aggressive again. She likes him but she doesn't want to sleep with him. He also asks her to text dirty pictures. Isn't 3 dates a bit early? I've been married for a long time so I told her if post here for feedback. Thanks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

crazycat25 said:


> I am posting this for a girlfriend. I'm married. My girlfriend is dating a guy who is very prominent i'n business. Good reputation. She met him on dating website. She says he has tried to sleep with her on 2nd date. She was texting back and forth with him... After that night and he wanted phone sex. She did it. Well now he is inviting her to dinner at his house. She's scared that he is going to try to be s
> Sexually aggressive again. She likes him but she doesn't want to sleep with him. He also asks her to text dirty pictures. Isn't 3 dates a bit early? I've been married for a long time so I told her if post here for feedback. Thanks!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If a woman wants the man to respect her, she should wait at least a month and 8-12 dates. Men do not pressure women that they want to build a relationship with. That was my experience when I was single. 
This guy is obviously only interested in sex! As a general rule, it is not a good idea to go to a man's home unless the woman is ready to go to bed. Men never invite a woman over for dinner with innocent intentions. I have nearly been raped like that!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

This has bad written all over it.

If your friend does not want, or is not ready to have sex with this dude then going to his house for dinner is a no-no.

If she goes to dinner - they have sex ... that is certainly his thinking, and the reason he asked her over.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Hmm my post got deleted. Wonder why? 

Anyway my vote was bad idea.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

She has sex when SHE is ready--and for some people, that takes time, time to feel comfortable and trusting. A man who is pressuring her is not respecting her needs. If she is filled with lust and wants to enjoy sex with him on the first date, fine. If not, don't. It isn't about timing--it's about whether or not she feels ready to have sex. His timetable--in the dating stage--is not relevant to her decision. It isn't important that he is well known, blah, blah, blah. He will make his decision about spending time with her based on his needs and wants (and if he thinks she is just "good enough" for sex but nothing more, he will stop dating her when she doesn't give him sex, or, right after she does). He has his agenda, she has hers. This is not a good or bad thing--it just is. She should never have sex just b/c he wants it (of course he does!) But she should not wait for some ARTIFICIAL indicator, like time or number of dates. She should wait until she is ready and comfortable with the thought. 

Either way, she needs to be smart and use protection. And discuss STDs (really romantic, huh?). Many a person with a good reputation in business can carry an STD. It isn't a moral failing, but she should know what she is getting into.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I say wait till at least the end of the first date. Anytime before that risks being awkward and setting wrong expectations.

Seriously, it sounds like they have different relationship goals. Nothing wrong with what either of them wants, but if onemperson is looking for a casual sex partner and the other one wants a long term relationship, there will be a disconnect. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

i'm not in the dating world yet, but what i learned through this love series that my church group had a speaker (who is a pastor) said that 'sex is meant for marriage.' clearly your friend's not comfortable and i do not know the values that your friend has, but i would talk with her to ask her her values and keep to them. 

then talk about the safety precautions such as, the warnings that statistics show this or that when people meet online often one or both of them have sexual intentions. CNN did a segment on this recently. 

and just to prove a point. i had a sister who met a guy online through the myspace forum. she has a multiple mental diagnoses and lack of social life, despite my family and i connecting her with local and county youth groups. at the time she was 17. this guy said all the right things, she would sneak out of the house to meet him, after her 18th bday, he raped her for 3 years, ended up drugging her a lot, and often kept her hostage. she contracted a vd: HPV (with precancerous cells) and has to have surgery to take those clumps out every so often. you're probably asking what we can or could not have done. my sister is not conserved, it was always reported to the police and they know her by name, DOB, and medical records. 

so please tell your friend to break up with this wierdo, dont even meet him anymore for her own safety.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> Hmm my post got deleted. Wonder why?
> 
> Anyway my vote was bad idea.


So was mine. Weird.

What I had said was if he can't respect her wishes to not go to that level, she is wasting her time w/ him.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Jellybeans said:


> So was mine. Weird.
> 
> What I had said was if he can't respect her wishes to not go to that level, she is wasting her time w/ him.


Maybe one of the moderators has a hot date lined up?


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

the right time is when *she* feels right for sex.


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## WiseOwlGuy (Jun 21, 2011)

Sex should only come after marriage. One of the reasons relationships don't work is because we're still living with the after-effects of the 'free love' hippy era.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Wow. . .you know. . .this forum has really been leaning liberal. It's actually refreshing to see the conservative side of things here. (I consider myself a moral moderate)

Um. . .you know. . .the internet and other social media (texting) really changes things in that often you do feel you have "dated" awhile, even if you haven't physically interacted.

When I was being "coached" back into the dating scene, I heard "3 dates" was the magic number where it's okay for the guy to make a move. Before that, you will look like a dote (like this knothead). . .after that, you run the risk of looking lame and not enough of a "guy" as some women are horny toads. Now. . .up til then, you should be a gentleman, not be sending dirty pictures through text. And no, that can end up on the internet so don't do that.

I mean, I have "sexted" before (just essentially getting each other worked up thru suggestion and maybe some dirty talk). . .but I never got the whole picture exchange thing.

Now. . .that doesn't mean the woman will be receptive necessarily at date 3 but remember. . .initiation is on us and we have to fight the "lame" label if we wait 8 to 12 dates before initiating.

We are being judged too.



> Men never invite a woman over for dinner with innocent intentions.


Well, I dont know about *that*. 

Isn't a little groping and pawing after dinner good for digestion


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## gypsygirl (Apr 6, 2011)

SImple answer is when she is ready and not before!! If this guy is half decent then he will be patient, he will wait. If not then he ain' worth it at all.

Have to admit when I grew up I lived by the three dates rule, and i ended up in a controlling marriage for 13 years. I'm now free of that and I have to say this time around.....it's my rules i play by and no one else's.

If a guy makes me feel presured in anyway, then it's aux revoir!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Take it off the table completely and cut out the bull**** wondering later on.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She is not 15. She should trust her instincts. If she doesn't want to sleep with him, then she should stand that ground no matter what he is or how prominent his position in his career is.

I have waited 9 months for sex and it was good. I have waited 3 days and it was good (married now). I also was in love with a man and never had sex (did a lot of other things) in my grown up life and it was amazing. 

Sex and the idea of sex should come naturally and when the person is ready. If your friend is "scared" of his sexual advances, then she should listen to herself and hold off.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

WiseOwlGuy said:


> Sex should only come after marriage. One of the reasons relationships don't work is because we're still living with the after-effects of the 'free love' hippy era.


My wife and I saved sex (intercourse) with each other until after marriage (neither of us were virgins, I had one partner before, she had a few more). Before we were engaged my view was that it was probably good to understand our sexual compatibility but she was the one whom decided to abstain from intercourse and I happily respected that. It didn't take long though for my wife to believe that her libido was well beyond what I could provide and apparently I somehow turned her into a sex addict which is what led her down the road of adultery (I had no idea I was that great a lover to turn innocent girls into nymphos, just can't get enough of me once you pop you just can't stop?)

Well atleast in my mind that is how I choose to view how her adultery went down. In her mind I suspect she thinks she roped me into marrying her in order to pursue sex with her and that the marriage was a mistake, I disagree it was a mistake but having a sexual relationship was definitely a motivator to make vows.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I do not think sex should be saved for marriage. I think people need to see what they like and how they like it. The few people I know who waited until marriage had serious sexual issues after being married.

I do, however, think sex is WAY better in marriage. I have had both (before marriage and after-- even with the same person) and sex is better after marriage. I do not regret sleeping with the people I slept with though (my husband is my lucky number 9).


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## jsgrl925ws (Aug 27, 2011)

No.. She should sleep with him whenever she WANTS to sleep with him, as long as she's not doing it _for_ him. That "women have to wait to be respected" thing is ridiculous and like 1950's thinking. Why don't men have to wait to be respected? A woman with control over what she wants and who does things on her own schedule is one that deserves admiration... not someone who is just waiting for some deadline according to ancient social expectations. So if she _wants_ to sleep with him, she should do it!!!


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