# Are you married to a habitual liar?



## trlsntribs (Oct 24, 2011)

Shortly after marriage I discovered that my spouse is a habitual liar. Examples -

My spouse tells lies to strangers and acquaintances about themselves.

My spouse lies about debt/finances.

My spouse tells lies about me and others.

We all know why people lie (fear, shame, guilt, selfishness, etc.).

I have tried confrontations, discussions, arguments, promises and counseling. None have worked to change the behavior.

If you have decided to stay with a spouse who habitually lies, how do you cope?


----------



## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

I have a friend whose husband is like that , i think we're falling appart... hopefully. He's really that bad. I couldn't take it!


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I couldn't live with a liar.


----------



## Wheels65 (Jul 17, 2011)

I tried to make it work with a habitually lying wife for too many years, glad I'm divorced


----------



## DeenaBoBeena (Sep 20, 2011)

I was just coming here to post this same exact question.

My husband admitted to cheating on me, and in the two months since, a ton of really irrelevant lies have come up, in addition to the big ones. I can tell he's trying hard, but then he'll lie about something so completely pointless, and I just don't get it. He knows that lying is a deal breaker, so why would he lie about something completely irrelevant?

For instance, tonight we had a long talk, and towards the end, after we had pretty much decided to provisionally end our in-house separation (because he's been trying hard to fix things), he told me that he found out this week that my cousin is considered the queen of 'cuckold porn' - that he was looking to 'meet his own needs' and stumbled upon a video of her. We know she was stripping and have definitely suspected that she was in porn, so it wasn't a big surprise.. and we have very little contact with her, so I don't really care.

But then a half hour later, while I was trying to establish if I felt 'safe' enough to give him a hug before going to bed, we were talking about lying, and I was giving him the opportunity to get any lies or omissions out in the open, and he said, "Okay, I have a minor confession.. I actually found out about your cousin a few months ago, but forgot about it until earlier this week when I accidentally stumbled upon it again."

So.. there's no good reason for him to lie about this, right? If he admits to having seen my cousin in a porn video, does it matter if it was a few months ago or a week ago? I told him I was very glad he told me the truth, but I declined to give him a hug.

I mean.. WTF?


----------



## Michelle27 (Nov 8, 2010)

My husband lies, but in his case, it's usually about either making him look better or more likely, avoiding responsibility for a mistake or something on his part. An example that has been repeated hundreds of times is now legendary in my family. My sister and her family were at my house for dinner, and my husband went out to pick up dinner for us all. It was a simple order....certain number of pieces of chicken, family box of fries, gravy and a chicken sandwich for our 3 year old who wouldn't eat "chicken on the bone". When he got back, I unpacked the food and couldn't find the sandwich. When I asked him, the response was stammered out..."ah...um....there was a sign...and they were all out of sandwiches". I was used to this kind of thing from him and let it go and started making something else for our daughter and my sister looked at me, trying to hold back laughter and said, "are you going to let him get away with that??". It wasn't a big deal that he forgot to order the sandwich but he just couldn't admit that. 

That said, my husband has also been struggling with depression for about 5 years, so I think this need of his to avoid people thinking badly of him is tied to that. But it's very frustrating, nonetheless. Just a couple months ago he was camping and riding a friend's mini motor bike when he had a minor accident and injured his knee. How he portrayed it to me was this: "I was riding along and a deer came out of the bush and distracted me and my knee ran into a rock". I called him on this one...and said accidents are accidents. It's ok to say that you got distracted, but blame the deer is ridiculous. He's actually thought about this and is trying really hard to take responsibility now for his actions and inactions. Coincidentally, he's also working on his depression in ways he hasn't until now. I am hopeful that as he works his way through it, the lies will stop.


----------



## lovemybabies (Oct 4, 2011)

yes, my hubby is too, and about the dumbest things. On a number of occasions I've been so embarassed because I know he's lying, even other people know he is and he makes a complete a$$ out of himself. He's also a "one Upper" meaning, someone will say something and he'll have a better story than theirs or he has a "buddy" that does this or that. We've been together since I was 15...34 now and my GOD some stories I'll sit back and think, when the heck did that happen....


----------

