# What's going on



## overmyhead056 (Jul 10, 2011)

after a 7 month affair she ended it saying “sometime apart maybe good for us” for the last few days before ending it, she said i was applying stress and pressure, but i was only concerned because she was being distant – a few days after finishing with me, she responded to my texts with “get you” as a prefix to starting her texts?

i was gutted and tried to change it but she was adamant its the right decision then i got a text saying she was being “chatted up” to which i responded with "i miss and want you” again she responded with “made the right decision” and how my text was “snippy”

A few days later we had a telcom, subsequently it became obvious / the penny dropped, she had a ONS with someone who flattered and impressed her

I cut off comms, but 14 days later i got the “hello stranger” text – again we had a telcom where i put her on the spot and her response re ONS was “that was going no where” and again with me “it was the right decision” – i ended the telcom and again radio silence from me for another 7 days when i got the “hello hun – hows things ” text – this time i delayed my responses but got the “i want to talk – you can't talk” then “miss you xx” texts followed by a couple days avoidance reponses from me till we spoke 3 days after latest 1st contact, preceded by a “arn't you glad you dont have to worry about me" text? – the conversation was short and sweet / polite but it was obvious she didnt want to talk then said i was grumpy and ended the conversation???

My head says its over, but whats going on?


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Seems like she wants a fallback option.
You need to take it away - now.
It's not easy, but it is necessary.

Best wishes


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She's cake eating, it was her call to stop the relationship, so move on. Find someone that can be commited to only you,100%.

She is not....she only wants you when there is no one else. 

No one diserve to be second choice, you diserve better so go out and find it.

The continued contact beyween the two of you will only hold you back emotional from finding that special someone. 

She may or may not know this but I bet if you told her you met someone else it would hurt her.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

the guy said:


> She's cake eating, it was her call to stop the relationship, so move on. Find someone that can be commited to only you,100%.
> 
> She is not....she only wants you when there is no one else.
> 
> ...


:iagree: Most cheaters do this.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

She has to know that you still love her. She gets strength from it. Change your phone number, find a go between. The more you talk to her the more strength she takes from you. Stay strong.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Numb-badger said:


> Seems like she wants a fallback option.
> You need to take it away - now.
> It's not easy, but it is necessary.
> 
> Best wishes


:iagree:

It's clear that she fishes once in while to make sure that you're still hooked on her. Cut that line and move on. Otherwise you can expect this behavior from her (cheating) for the rest of your life. And don't you believe for a second that it was just a ONS. It hardly ever is.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You aren't her cup of tea but you beat nothing. She doesn't want to be alone and she is willing to stoop to hanging out with you until the next great thing comes along. She's good for a roll in the rack if you use protection but that's about all I'd invest in her.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Listen to your head above your shoulders, it's over and she's just playing you like everyone says.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Find someone else-if you stay with her, she will be "mind gaming" you for a long time.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Pop smoke and move out.


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## overmyhead056 (Jul 10, 2011)

Many Thanks - I guess all the responses confirm what my head tells me or at least since i found out about the ONS 2 weeks after she ended it - tho the ONS happened a week before we finished - ironically i wanted to see her 2/3 days (unknowingly) after the ONS and she spent 2 days avoiding me saying i was applying stress and pressure, which i now suspect to of been guilt. When i think back she had told me that she and her colleague on this business trip were meeting this guy who was her colleague's friend, hence friend of a friend, who her friend knew from previous trips - something i took as innocent

She ended it sighting very justifiable examples of my marriage troubles in that i was on the verge of leaving my wife after over 25 years (the marital problems stretch back many years before the affair, and the EMA remained secret) but she said "I was not hers" and highlighted i was in counselling as mentioned in my original post. Frankly my focus was now on the ending of my marriage and not the EMA. OW never made any demands on leaving my wife, ironically if anything quite the opposite - i made a concious effort not to discuss my marriage. In fact we spoke more of her ex - primaraly regarding our home lives we spoke of our children

Yes i am still with my wife but things are worse than ever / there are probably only days left.

OW wanted to move on, saying maybe after being with me perhaps she was ready for a committed emotional relationship - ours is a long distance affair and she spoke of locally being asked out, but had turned men down, and that when she had been away on business there had been 2/3 opportunities where she met "someone nice" with opportunity to go back to hotel room with them... When we spoke 3 weeks ago just after she returned, within 2 minutes of the call starting she told me how the hotel barman called her room to invite himself up for the night???? She told him "its not going to happen" - then went on to ask if i had met anyone else?

It did start as NSA and feelings changed that - it was an amazing time and i will say that i have never met anyone like her - she told me things like, all the men "like" me are Married and not available on the dating scene... i gave her "everything she wanted (i am a protector type) from a relationship" as a single woman / mum trying to make her way in the world and how difficult that is because there are no men available who could cope with typical situations she found herself in - how she had been getting all her emotional support from me - she made me feel, well.... wow... the chemistry was the best i have known, but i always wondered how far we could go....

I know she considered herself a strong woman, straight talking, and is considered so in her peer group - she said that frightened the majority of men but not me. Apparently i am the only man who could handle her. I am a very strong character and yes she is, but when put on the spot she always struggled. She would say how face to face she struggled with my strong manner. Strong personality is OK but there has to be some humility, and i aways believe in, if you "live by the sword then you must be prepared to die by the sword" 

Above all the last 8 weeks we were together my marriage got to be more of an issue because of all the hostillities at home - i told my wife i was leaving and started to end the marriage, but agreed to live under the same roof untill i had somewhere to go for the benefit of my teenage children - but yes now know that was a mistake. During this time there was counselling as in earlier post - OW saw this as trying to work it out and save the marriage, all of which i have spoke of. So i guess there are at least two sides in my three sided situation. As said messy / very messy. All the complications from my side

The last 30 days my head is straight... Its over... I have to sort my real life out... but all the texts and calls mean that although i do not want to offend, it was her call to end our affair, and i accepted that (tho not in possesion of all the facts)

She is away on business and back this week and i have had no contact for 6 days - in fact after the last call i am not expecting contact 

when i questioned her about content of texts the response is along the lines of... it meant nothing... we are still friends... as one friend to a friend who knows her very well... good to stay in touch "if you want to that is".... and when i put her on the spot the responses are, you are snipping... you are grumpy 

Its not all her fault and she is single, and had we met under different circumstances? but i can do no more.... 

Time to move on


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I was under the mistaken impression that you are the Betrayed Husband and your wife was having an affair. Instead you are the cheater and your OW was/is cheating on you. So how are you surprised that a woman that would engage in an affair with a married man, would cheat on you?



overmyhead056 said:


> Yes i am still with my wife but things are worse than ever / there are probably only days left.


Cheating on your BW certainly isn't going to make things better for you. From what I can see from your post, all you're concerned about his your feelings toward your OW.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I, too, made the same error of perception.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Over, either divorce your wife or repair your marriage (if your wife will have you back).

The OW has made it clear she doesn't want to be with you and mde the right decision.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So...you're married, you're having an affair, and your affair partner cheated on you? 

Karma's a *****, ain't it?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Buddy, you had us fooled! Man, did you pick the wrong place looking for sympathy! Maybe you deserve what your getting!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Post and run?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

The guy actually wanted our sympathy.

I am willing to bet his wife doesn't even know----cheaters tend to lie about most everything---he is trying to justify to us his mge., is dead, even as he is being kicked to the curb, by his now X-Lover

What comes around goes around---only one in the whole mess who might deverve some respect and sympathy is his wife.

See you all at the next round-up


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I am SO glad that is not my life.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

You misrepresented yourself by not divulging that YOU were a cheater also.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Wait, I'm confused... the OP came on here asking about advice on how to deal with his cheating MISTRESS???

holy f, this reaks of trolling, or else the guy needs some serious slaps up the head.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

You think he's got the b***s to show up here again?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I hate when they don't come back!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

if it helps, I can pretend to be him so we all can teear him to shreds...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LOL


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

It felt like I was reading a post at TOW.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ More like TOM

LOL


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

More like a dissatisfied A****y M*****n customer who wants his money back!


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