# Mid Life Crisis = Get out of jail free?



## masterclicker (May 16, 2013)

Hello all,
Reading through many of these stories of infidelity, I notice a very common theme in many of them...particularly when the wayward spouse is the woman. She was going through a "mid-life crisis". This phenomenom seems to hit women in the age group between 35 to 45 years of age. Many of the cheating wives AND their betrayed husbands accept that this is an acceptable reason for the cheating to begin. 
I think this is complete baloney and is just another form of "rug sweeping". To justify their behavior of unfaithfulness using this excuse is, in IMO, totally unacceptable. 
For everyone, changes in your life are something we all have to experience throughout our lives, from the moment you are born, until the day you leave this earth. We all go through all kinds of changes, going to school, developing into a teeenager, reaching adulthood, job changes, family changes, health changes, deaths of friends and family, and many other changes throughout your life. From an early age, people experience change, and learn how to cope with new circumstances. This is part of the maturing process. HOW you deal with these changes defines what kind of person you are. 
In the end, you really started cheating because you were selfish, didn't think of your betrayed spouse and children, in fact, had total disregard for their happiness and security, and pretty much showed that you simply threw everything away for a few moments of thrills. You have major character flaws. Why not just own up to this fact instead of trying to excuse your behavior by claiming "mid-life crisis"? Get real! Grow up!


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

I don't know if it is a get out of jail free card, but like everything in life, when something breaks we want to know what happened so that we can fix it. I too believe that it is nothing more than an excuse, as are all of the reasons that people give for cheating. It just seems that we as a society have the idea if it was something psychologically (or through chemicals such as drugs/ alcohol or an imbalance) that changed within the person it is easier to accept that the person may actually be remorseful for what they have done and not had full control of their senses regarding the cheating. If we can prove something happened medically then it is somehow easier to accept and not as bad as just choosing to go out and f someone else just for the fun of it. Society tries to find a way to "excuse" actions if we can "prove" it was beyond their control. 

I still say nothing justifies cheating, but people accept reconciliation and forgiveness more if the person was "medically" affected and not just showing blatant disregard for everyone and everything and driven only to gratify themselves. If a person cheats when "medically" debilitated and they are forgiven, people look at it as an act of kindness, but when the person just is blatant about cheating and treats their spouse like crap, no one looks kindly upon the forgiving spouse (so we dream up ways to make it so we can forgive and still be judged good in the eyes of society).

My $0.02.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

BSs are running from one site to another like a 100mtr race, so that they can find a reason for their WSs cheating and usually they wont get any so they will agree on a common ground Mid Life Crissis. So that they can R. 

But if you ask this men what is this Mid Life Crisis the will say ITS AN ITCH IN THE PU**Y, WHICH CAN ONLY BE CURED BY APPLYING OMs CUM AS FREQUENTLY AS POSSIBLE "


But my question is Only few women cheat, what does the rest of the faithful women do to get rid off this Mid Life Crisis, What medicine they are using?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

MLC, fog.. whatever required to distance themselves from their deliberated choices or minimizes personal responsability... somehow.
Both WS and BSs.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

masterclicker said:


> Hello all,
> Reading through many of these stories of infidelity, I notice a very common theme in many of them...particularly when the wayward spouse is the woman. She was going through a "mid-life crisis". This phenomenom seems to hit women in the age group between 35 to 45 years of age. Many of the cheating wives AND their betrayed husbands accept that this is an acceptable reason for the cheating to begin.
> I think this is complete baloney and is just another form of "rug sweeping". To justify their behavior of unfaithfulness using this excuse is, in IMO, totally unacceptable.
> For everyone, changes in your life are something we all have to experience throughout our lives, from the moment you are born, until the day you leave this earth. We all go through all kinds of changes, going to school, developing into a teeenager, reaching adulthood, job changes, family changes, health changes, deaths of friends and family, and many other changes throughout your life. From an early age, people experience change, and learn how to cope with new circumstances. This is part of the maturing process. HOW you deal with these changes defines what kind of person you are.
> In the end, you really started cheating because you were selfish, didn't think of your betrayed spouse and children, in fact, had total disregard for their happiness and security, and pretty much showed that you simply threw everything away for a few moments of thrills. You have major character flaws. Why not just own up to this fact instead of trying to excuse your behavior by claiming "mid-life crisis"? Get real! Grow up!


So you accept that people can learn and can change as they grow. I agree.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> BSs are running from one site to another like a 100mtr race, so that they can find a reason for their WSs cheating and usually they wont get any so they will agree on a common ground Mid Life Crissis. So that they can R.
> 
> But if you ask this men what is this Mid Life Crisis the will say ITS AN ITCH IN THE PU**Y, WHICH CAN ONLY BE CURED BY APPLYING OMs CUM AS FREQUENTLY AS POSSIBLE "
> 
> ...


If life were only this simple.

Only a few women that you hear of.. the rest might just be getting away with it. The medicine might be that they are better liars. 

Or..... You're over generalizing, painting with a broad brush for the sake of hyperbole.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I don't see how it's a 'get out of jail free' card. 

I don't see _anybody _saying, "oh, you cheated on me because you're going through MLC, no problem."

If you're saying cheaters use MLC as a rationalization, they're just talking to themselves. Cheaters find all kinds of reasons to rationalize their behavior, but that doesn't mean anyone else accepts their rationalizations except themselves.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> But my question is Only few women cheat, what does the rest of the faithful women do to get rid off this Mid Life Crisis, What medicine they are using?


A daily dose of morals


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

MLC to me is the same as soul mate, the fog, "needs" or any number of labels that are popular. They are created to explain or qualify a set of behaviors that appear to be common among a group of individuals. I agree that these behaviors are used to explain cheating but they cannot be used to justify infidelity. I am part of the selfish behavior group here.

If you are not happy with your spouse or your marriage talk to each other. If that does not help then divorce and go your merry way and let your spouse move on.

I know all of this is an over simplification and several other things are in play but why can people not just be honest. I think it is because most cheaters do not think they are going to get caught. Truthfully, a lot don't.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> MLC to me is the same as soul mate, the fog, "needs" or any number of labels that are popular. They are created to explain or qualify a set of behaviors that appear to be common among a group of individuals. I agree that these behaviors are used to explain cheating but they cannot be used to justify infidelity. I am part of the selfish behavior group here.
> 
> If you are not happy with your spouse or your marriage talk to each other. If that does not help then divorce and go your merry way and let your spouse move on.
> 
> I know all of this is an over simplification and several other things are in play but why can people not just be honest. I think it is because most cheaters do not think they are going to get caught. Truthfully, a lot don't.


My wife *was* happy with me. But she still 'needed' to cheat.


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## masterclicker (May 16, 2013)

I guess in most cases, MLC equates to some kind of fear of getting older, or realizing you're about halfway through your life and wondering if you made the right choices. 
Well, every time you lift your head off of the pillow, and rise to a new day, you are a day older. It's going to happen every day for the rest of your life! get used to it! Changes are going to be a constant throughout your life. 
Why can't people maintain their integrity and learn to accept life's gifts and troubles, and roll with the punches? Instead of questioning the choices you've made in your marriage, why not try to focus on the good things about your spouse, that attracted you to them in the first place? If you come to the realization that you've definately made a poor choice, do the right thing and talk with your mate and see if things can be fixed. OR tell your spouse that you want the marriage to end....period. 
Potentially destroying your husband/wife, your children and families, and all of the dreams and plans made for your future, is a cowards way of dealing with fears. Your cheating, rationalized by your excuse of a mid life crisis is not going to make anything better.
Grow a pair, and try to deal with the real issues.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> My wife *was* happy with me. But she still 'needed' to cheat.


I think people confuse "need" with "want".

You need food, water, shelter, and air to survive. Everything else is something you want. As in selfish.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

masterclicker said:


> Hello all,
> Reading through many of these stories of infidelity, I notice a very common theme in many of them...*particularly when the wayward spouse is the woman*. She was going through a "mid-life crisis". This phenomenom seems to hit women in the age group between 35 to 45 years of age. Many of the cheating wives AND their betrayed husbands accept that this is an acceptable reason for the cheating to begin.
> I think this is complete baloney and is just another form of "rug sweeping". To justify their behavior of unfaithfulness using this excuse is, in IMO, totally unacceptable. ...


Happens to just as many men as women. 

MLC may feel like your partner changed over night, but it's often a product of long-term issues developing over time. There can be a final catalyst which shifts the whole crisis into overdrive, and that may seem like the beginning of the crisis to the BS, but in reality it can be the straw the broke the back, or "final nudge" for the MLC'er.

It's not so much to justify as it is to help understand. People do grow, and often grow apart. Sometimes people can go for years "accepting" things that they aren't thrilled about, but something happens, they snap, and no longer "put up with it". Outward, that looks like a MLC to the BS, so that's what they call it....typical MLC, even though situations that cause this are unique.

Nothing ever justify's an affair.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

masterclicker said:


> I guess in most cases, MLC equates to some kind of fear of getting older, or realizing you're about halfway through your life and wondering if you made the right choices.
> Well, every time you lift your head off of the pillow, and rise to a new day, you are a day older. It's going to happen every day for the rest of your life! get used to it! Changes are going to be a constant throughout your life.
> Why can't people maintain their integrity and learn to accept life's gifts and troubles, and roll with the punches? Instead of questioning the choices you've made in your marriage, why not try to focus on the good things about your spouse, that attracted you to them in the first place? If you come to the realization that you've definately made a poor choice, do the right thing and talk with your mate and see if things can be fixed. OR tell your spouse that you want the marriage to end....period.
> Potentially destroying your husband/wife, your children and families, and all of the dreams and plans made for your future, is a cowards way of dealing with fears. Your cheating, rationalized by your excuse of a mid life crisis is not going to make anything better.
> Grow a pair, and try to deal with the real issues.


For the record, not all MLC'er's cheat. Also, sometimes the person has been ignored or neglected for half of their life and has simply had enough. You can't roll with every punch for ever...that's called a punching bag. Sometimes you gotta fight back...not every "mid life crisis" is someone running from their problems. It can also be someone who is tired of running from their problems and finally getting the ballz to stand up for themselves. It can be the realization that you DID make some bad choices, but you aren't going to spend the rest of your life miserable.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> BSs are running from one site to another like a 100mtr race, so that they can find a reason for their WSs cheating and usually they wont get any so they will agree on a common ground Mid Life Crissis. So that they can R.
> 
> But if you ask this men what is this Mid Life Crisis the will say ITS AN ITCH IN THE PU**Y, WHICH CAN ONLY BE CURED BY APPLYING OMs CUM AS FREQUENTLY AS POSSIBLE "
> 
> ...


their healthy marriages are all the medicine they need. I do not see mid life crisis as a reason more like a thinner for boundaries. If there is something missing in the relationship they become more apt to go look for it elsewhere. IMO


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Mid Life Crisis = Convenient Excuse

I honestly don't even believe in MLC.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

nogutsnoglory said:


> their healthy marriages are all the medicine they need. I do not see mid life crisis as a reason more like a thinner for boundaries. If there is something missing in the relationship they become more apt to go look for it elsewhere. IMO


Sometimes they don't even have to go looking, it comes to them.. makes it even easier. "your husband doesn't appreciate you" means more when you're feeling unappreciated.. "you look beautiful today" sounds better coming from that guy at work than the guy you've been with for three decades... Another thing I've noticed, is family history is a big factor.. did mom and dad cheat? Grandma and grandpa too? Aunts and uncles? Was it what you learned growing up? In my wifes case, her entire family all had the 'good kind' of affairs. You know, the ones where everyone makes out great, nobody gets hurt, it's all fun and rainbows. Every action is justified and all folks made out okay in the end.. In this case, Mom married the OM (of course she later cheated on him, but they're still together.. he goes to IC because he's messed up, her, she's perfect) The aunt cheated because her AP's wife never left the house, so that made it okay.. of course when she wanted him to commit, he vanished. So now she's alone and hates men. Grandma died lonley because the 'love of her life' (her OM), loved his wife and she was just his plaything. 

I'd like to see that trend and pattern of self-destructive behavior broken with my two daughters. My wife can set the example by not gas-lighting, not blame-shifting and owning that what she did was horrible and not something that's acceptable.

In my family, I've never had any relatives that cheated, in fact my aunts and uncles all had good marriages and my parents are still together. I had a strong idea about what marriage was. Throwing it away if you feel like you're ready for a divorce by cheating, wouldn't even be an option for me. It's not how I was raised.


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## 2yearsago (Jun 28, 2013)

I believe mid-life crisis is a real thing. It absolutely does not make it "ok" to cheat.

My wife is a perfect example of this. She had her affair just before she turned 40. All I heard about was how little she has accomplished in life and how it was all my fault. She was and is an unhappy person. The key is she is unhappy with HERSELF yet it's easier to blame me or life for what she is unhappy with instead of looking in the mirror. Taking responsibility.

In MC she recently told our therapist how I'm not the same person she married 20 years ago. The therapist asked why and my wife told her. The therapist said "It sounds like he got more responsible so he could take care of you and your daughters". Somebody's got to do it.

That's the thing. People who have an affair and chalk it up to MLC are finding an excuse for their behavior. If you aren't happy with your marriage then open your mouth and say it. Or change something in your life. It's that simple.


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