# Need men's advice.



## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

I'll start by admittin that yes, I do have self esteem issues. I don't whine and complain about my weight all the time but I do notice and am upset by the fact that I don't look like what my husband fell in love with years ago pre-2 kids. Anyway here's the deal. I am overweight and am currently working hard on that. I recently lost 14 lbs but have a long way to go...about 60 more lbs. My hubby and I have been invited to his friends birthday party and he really needs to keep his contact with this guy because he is a great reference for when a certain job opens up...anyway...this friend has a girlfriend who will be having a bunch of her friends at this party. These girls are bikini calendar models. I can't help but feel like when we go to this party my husband is going to be looking at all these women realizing that he could have had his friend hook him up with any of them and comparing me to them and being ashamed that I am his wife. We married very young and I love him very very much but I know I am not as attractive as I could be for my age and I am terrified that at this party he may start to think he made a mistake and wish he stayed single longer so he could play around or that he is going to feel like he wishes he could be with one of them. I know I am going to be super uncomfortable at this party and hate every minute there. What should I do? Should I go and act as if I am having a great time? Should I stay home and let him go alone? No..that will probably make me worry even more. UGH. I never used to feel this way and I have no reason not to trust him but lately I have been feeling like he missed out on his youth. I am only his 3rd girlfriend ever and he married me.


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## azmo (Jul 8, 2010)

Well, if you have no reason not to trust him, you shouldn't think like that.
If you keep wondering about that, he will notice it and it will do nothing good for your relationship.

Everyone doesn't look the same, so you shouldn't worry. And great job losing weight! 

Keep us updated.


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

I think that if you are secure in the fact that he loves you then you have nothing to worry about. It's funny how women think that we see them as they see themselves. My wife says that she is fat, out of shape, and unattractive. I really don't see that. She's put on a little weight over time, but so have I. 
If your husband loves you then he isn't going to be falling all over himself when he sees these other women. I'm not saying that he won't notice them, but it's not like they're a big deal. They're women just like others. They all have personalities, some nice, some not so nice. But when it comes down to it, he shouldn't be willing to throw away what the two of you have worked so hard to build. There is more to a relationship than just a beautiful wife. Your personality, then memories you two have, and the way that you treat him all combine to form your relationship. It's not worth losing that for some pretty good looking girl who may have the personality of an angry grizzly. 

These are just my feelings though. I will say however if you think that his friend has intentions of hooking him up and you and your husband are having problems, then that's a different story. If you do decide to go, then walk in confident. That's *your* husband and he belongs to you. You walk in there with you head held high and take a seat. Relax, unwind. Have a drink if you choose. You don't need to hang all over him unless that's what he wants. If some of the women are getting out of line, then flash them that look. You know the one I'm talking about. Every wife has that look they give a women who is checking out their man. 
Understand that he married you because of who you are and he loves that. 

Sorry for the long post, but I hope this helps.


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## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

Thanks so much! My hubby and I do love eachother very much and he always tells me I am beautiful, sexy, etc. I had a long talk with him last night about my feelings regarding the party and other girls. I just figured I would get it out and be honest and he told me that I had nothing to worry about and that he knew he was going to be with me no matter what. His friend is not the type at all to encourage him to hook up with any other girl unless he was single and his friend and I get along well. I was just worried that he would feel like there are many opportunities he may have missed since getting married to me so young (19) and not dating around more. He is 27 now so we have been together a long time. We dated since he was 17 and friends since he was 14 with a crush on me. LOL I know I am just over reacting in my mind. Lately we have had some intimicy and sex issues but we have been talking through it and discovering that it is mostly because of the 2 toddlers we have that are in a crazy stage and the money worried we have had lately that contributed to that. I was happy to learn that it had nothing to do with him not being in love or unattracted to me. I am still on the fence about actually going to the party because I know I will be uncomfortable but if it will make hubby happy I will go and put on a happy face


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

You decided to worry about this party, but your husband is not a hermit. He sees other women every single day. Counseling should help with your self esteem issue because something like this is insane to worry about. The bigger question is whether or not to go to the party. The answer is yes. Go and enjoy yourself.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Congrats on loosing weight. It takes time. My wife could gain 100 lbs and i would still love her. It sound like your husband probably feels the same way. 

Sounds easy but, work on your esteem issues. Even when i have gained weight i feel better when I am excersizing. Plus it will give you more stamina for pleasing him GRRRRRRRRRRRRR LOL. 

Not going to the party should not be an option. Since it is something he needs go go to and you are a couple...Personally, I think am totally turned on by a confident women. I been attracted to bigger women but, only if they are confident. Even if you are a bit self-confident try not to act it. My best friend's wife who struggles with her weight avoids situations where she is around younger and/or skinnier women. It is obvious and keeps her husband from some social activities. I know he resents it. To me this is a far worse offense to a relationship than puttin a few pounds on. 

If you decide to go (again this should be the only option)...If you do happen to catch your husband inandvertantly looking at one of these women it is likely to be just that (inadvertant). Don't stare at him to see if god forbid his eyes happen to point in the direction of one of these girls. Let's face it if some georgous man was there you would likely look at him more than the average guys there. This would not mean that you are unhappy with your husband. Naturally, your husband should be respectful ESSPECIALLY considering your insecurities but, don't look for reasons to get mat at him because of your insecurities. Worse than you staying at home would be to go and be overly clingy, protective, *****y etc. Have a good time. You are with your solemate who loves you. 

Good Luck


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

AmorousWarrior said:


> I think that if you are secure in the fact that he loves you then you have nothing to worry about. It's funny how women think that we see them as they see themselves. My wife says that she is fat, out of shape, and unattractive. I really don't see that. She's put on a little weight over time, but so have I.
> If your husband loves you then he isn't going to be falling all over himself when he sees these other women. I'm not saying that he won't notice them, but it's not like they're a big deal. They're women just like others. They all have personalities, some nice, some not so nice. But when it comes down to it, he shouldn't be willing to throw away what the two of you have worked so hard to build. There is more to a relationship than just a beautiful wife. Your personality, then memories you two have, and the way that you treat him all combine to form your relationship. It's not worth losing that for some pretty good looking girl who may have the personality of an angry grizzly.
> 
> These are just my feelings though. I will say however if you think that his friend has intentions of hooking him up and you and your husband are having problems, then that's a different story. If you do decide to go, then walk in confident. That's *your* husband and he belongs to you. You walk in there with you head held high and take a seat. Relax, unwind. Have a drink if you choose. You don't need to hang all over him unless that's what he wants. If some of the women are getting out of line, then flash them that look. You know the one I'm talking about. Every wife has that look they give a women who is checking out their man.
> ...




Agree totally and not all men need their woman to be shaped like an eleven year old boy. IMO women are sexy in all shapes Don't try to be like what the media says is sexy. Wear a nice outfit and tease your husband about what he's getting when you guys get back before you leave  He'll be trying to find a way to leave all night.


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## Chet8625 (Jul 13, 2010)

He doesn't need to go to the party to see sexy women. They are all over the place. Yet every day, he comes home to YOU.

Doesn't that tell you something?


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## Sad_in_NY (Jun 23, 2010)

TJ - well said , my wife has gained 80+ since we met and I have never been more attracted to her. 

Pie - it seems like you have a great marriage, no need to worry. My wife is my 3rd "real" g/f - I am the dating type and I have zero regrets. To me it is more about what you did in your youth vs how many folks you dated, my point being is that I cerainly had my fun in my teens and twenties which is why at 37 I have no regrets. No mid-life crisis for me.


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## mjr810 (Aug 24, 2008)

Pie- It doesn't sound like there is going to be a problem. I can tell you this much if YOU are satisfied regarding lovemaking, then he is. 90% of his satisfaction comes from you being satisfied. 

I'll bet he also knows that a woman doesn't have to have a coke bottle figure to be a great lovemaker.


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## mjr810 (Aug 24, 2008)

Oh, and as far as your weight loss goes, congratulations and I wish you more success. Don't you think, though, the first person you have to please is YOU? If you're not happy with your body, everyone else will know.....and vice versa.


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