# Need Advice



## confused9900 (Mar 29, 2014)

Just a little background info….we have been married for 19 years, together for 22. We have had a lot of ups and downs. We have separated 4 times in the past and filed for divorce once 7 years ago but decided to work it out. We have had intimacy issues for many years (as noted in a previous post) That really hasn’t changed much but have just learned to live with it.

Last year in Feb I found out my husband was talking to someone. My military daughter had just landed back in states and we were texting, and my phone locked up, so I went to use his. When I turned it on, I saw that he had a text from “Charlie”. He works with a guy named Charlie but still thought it was weird. I didn’t read the text bc I didn’t want him to know I saw it. I wrote the number down and then began trying to find out who it belonged to. I ended up calling the number and a girl answered, it ended up being a girl named Missy that he had dated back in high school and messed around with after some. I know her and he knows I can’t stand her (not because he dated her but for other reasons). 

So, I went to cell store and got call/text log history and there were hundreds of texts to her over a 2-month period and a few calls. I also realized he was friends with her on Facebook which blew my mind.
So, with all the info in hand I confronted him. He came from taking a shower and I just asked him if he was in love with her? He of course looked at me like I was crazy. I told him I knew he was talking to someone and he denied it. I then showed him my proof. So, he admitted to talking to her but just as friends. The next day, he told me that he actually met up with her once and that she asked to borrow a cigarette and tried to kiss him. He said that was all that happened, and I had no proof of anything else. He said he was only “playing the game” with her and he would never be with her. Still to this day not really sure what that even means. Also, want to add she lives in a different state hundreds of miles away. She was visiting her mom at Christmas when they met up.

Later in June, I found that he had made a fake Facebook page. I ended up logging in and looked at page. He had no friends and no messages but low and behold that only thing in search bar was her name. I was furious but he gave me some excuse that he was trying to see if she blocked him for some reason. Said he was just curious and there was nothing to it. I did call her and ask if they had spoken since Feb and she said no but I later realized her husband was with her so she definitely could have been lying. 

So, we have tried to put this behind us and move forward. Fast forward until this Feb…I just had a nagging feeling. He seemed to be on his phone a lot and it was keeping it in his pocket a lot. I went to go snoop and he had its password protected. He has never done that before. So, I confronted him, and he said he done it so I wouldn’t snoop. So, I asked if he had talked to her and he told me that the day before she text him ( he didn’t respond) but did take the time to FB message her ( thought he had blocked her on phone and FB) and tell her that she was going to cause issues by contacting him. It also came out that when they met up the year before, she didn’t ask to borrow a cigarette. She asked for a hug which he done, and they kissed. So again, here we were trying to figure out if we could move on or not. We decided to try. 

I still have moments where I am terrified that he is talking to her or anyone else and it consumes me and there are times when it doesn’t. Last week, we were leaving really early for a road trip to go see my daughter. His phone was on table and I happened to notice it was blinking for a notification (this is 3:30 in the morning). He walks by right after and sees it, walks to side door and sticks his head and phone out of it and then comes right back in?????????????? I didn’t say anything bc my son was in the room at the time. A few days into the vacation, we are sitting on bed in hotel watching tv and I notice him get on Facebook and go to search something and her name is the first name I see in his searches (he wasn’t searching her at that moment). Again, my son is room, so I didn’t say anything, and I don’t think he knows that I saw it. 
I know that if I confront him, he is just going to say it was from back in Feb, which may or may not be true, but I know that I won’t believe him anyway. I have no other proof that he is talking/seeing anyone including her but just tired of living in fear all the time that he may or not be.

I am sorry this is so long and if you have read to this point, bless you LOL.
Any advice, thoughts or ideas would be greatly appreciated.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

How do you "borrow" a cigarette?  Yeah, I know, just a figure of speech but it amuses me.

And she tried to kiss him and he manfully resisted. Yeah, right, sure he did.

Time to visit a lawyer. Or several, actually, to block him from the best attorneys? Petty? Mean? Yeah, that's me, though.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Why are you keeping yourself in this?

No one else has that power over you.


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

It really appears, at the very least, he is pursuing her and she has replaced you in his heart. Why would he continue to seek her out and lie to you? His actions are wholly inappropriate and disrespectful to you.

To be really honest, I don't see how he will ever stop. He has repeatedly dogged her out, lied to you about it repeatedly, and continues to seek her. 

The only conclusion I can reach is that he simply doesn't love you. Why else is he chasing this woman? 

You can continue to try and work this all out, but I don't see the point. Were it me, I would call 'bull$hit' on his lies and leave. If he really wants your relationship to work, he can start by _proving_ to you the truth- no matter how bad it is and then work with you to resolve the issues.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

You do know you dont have to put up with this ****, right? You do know you are more valuable than that, right?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

By putting it behind you I'm guessing you mean it got rug-swept and wasn't resolved by counseling or transparency (not with a phone passcode you didn't know about) or real sustained work on his part to make the marriage better? Just forget about it and move on?

You can keep trying to make your marriage work but he's very likely not going to change. The trust you once had is gone and based on his actions you're not likely going to get it back. That means if you stay with him you'll be playing marriage cop the rest of your life.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Openminded said:


> That means if you stay with him you'll be playing marriage cop the rest of your life.


 @confused9900 I did that for 5 years. I was a different person, a crazy paranoid person. The things I thought I saw, the things I gave hidden meaning to. It was all so ridiculous! My former boyfriend's cheating changed me as a woman forever. I'll be damned if I play marriage cop again. Worst job ever.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

There are always polys and VARs, but this has been ongoing disrespect over a long time. Would be interesting what he'd say to a polygraph request. A loving, devoted spouse does not deliberately hurt his or her mate.

He has chosen to meet up with her, keep in contact with her. Neither of you have put this behind you. Your trust has been broken. What would he say if you had a male friend like this? Miserable way to live.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Oh boy, stop believing his lies!

They didn't just kiss, they did the nasties. You have been on here long enough to know that a kiss means they had sex. Find a lawyer and take him to the cleaners. Contact her husband and tell him that his wife is cheating on him with your husband.

Go scorched Earth on his cheating ass!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Tell him he will take a polygraph next week or you will be filing for divorce. 

See what he does.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Bibi1031 said:


> Oh boy, stop believing his lies!
> 
> They didn't just kiss, they did the nasties. You have been on here long enough to know that a kiss means they had sex. Find a lawyer and take him to the cleaners. Contact her husband and tell him that his wife is cheating on him with your husband.
> 
> Go scorched Earth on his cheating ass!


Exactly right. He has been in an affair for a while now and you are enabling it with your fear. Stand up for yourself.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

I'll echo what you've been told so far and add that I was the WS in a situation very similar to your H's. An old HS gf looked me up on FB... hadn't heard from her in over 20 years. A few days of exchanging message and we were off the races. Old flames are always dangerous. Most people know this and that's why they leave them alone. He isn't going to quit her unless you make him. He's not being transparent with you... example my wife and I just got new iPhones, the ones with facial recognition. I programmed my face into mine and then immediately programmed my wife's. Didn't even ask her, just gave her my phone and told her to put it in there so she could unlock it. And understand, my EA was over 9 years ago. Now that doesn't mean if he suddenly gives you the code to his phone you're in the clear. He could have burner phones, alternate accounts (as you found on FB) and any number of other things... 

You have a very tough fight on your hands if you want to drag him out of this. A very tough fight that you may not win in the end and if you do you'll mostly likely wonder for the rest of your married life if there is anything you don't know. 

Best of luck, sorry you're having to deal with this.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Let him know that he is more than welcome to continue his relationship with this woman... but that it wont be as your husband. You are going to have to file if he contacts her again, because nothing else is going to get his attention. You can stop a divorce at any point.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

turnera said:


> Tell him he will take a polygraph next week or you will be filing for divorce.
> 
> See what he does.


I say just file for divorce. Why subject herself to any more years of feeling insecure and wondering over this guy.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You thought he had blocked her on his phone and on FB. Maybe so but it take about 2 seconds to remove a block.

Every excuse he has offered is BS. 

Do not be afraid to call BS on him and contact Mr. Missy to let him know the affair is alive and well.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

So sorry Confused but he has been giving you the run around, gas lighting you for ages now and giving your excuses that do not stand up to scrutiny. If he had any respect for you he would have quit the first time you called him out. He knows he can pull one over on you because your fear is holding you back from holding him accountable.

Tell him if he wants her, he can have her but he wont have you also, nor your family. Then do the 180 on him, go see a lawyer and file papers for divorce. See his reaction. If he is glad to get rid of you then you already know it is not worth staying with such a man because you will spend your life looking over your shoulder and that is no way to live.
You must go hard ball and be willing to lose this marriage to save it, tell him now all bets are off and you have had enough of his bull sh**. You are done.

You know her name, look her up and see if she is married, out her to her husband so she will be busy doing damage control on the other side. Time to go scorched earth and show him that you are not a push over.


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## confused9900 (Mar 29, 2014)

It's been a year since I posted this and just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and input. I got freaked out that he would find out I was up here and deleted all knowledge of it and didn't get back on ( and yes I know how stupid that sounds).

So thought I would give a little update. We ended up having a long discussion (actually very long enduring days of discussions) and decided to separate. We weren't able to live separately at the time due to finances and plus my it was my youngest's kids last summer at home before he went off the college, so the plan was for one of us to move out after a few months. Well, after a month we ending up reconciling. We are still together but honestly still having a hard time forgiving him. We also haven't had sex in 2 years, I haven't been able to sleep with him since I found the fake Facebook profile and found out they had contact again. I can go for weeks and think ok, we are getting somewhere and I think I can trust him and out of no where all that goes away. I don't believe he is still talking to her or anyone else but I still can't get over the initial EA (or whatever it was). Talking to him isn't easy and seriously thinking it may be best if end things for good this time and get divorced. Any insight would helpful but not necessary at the this point. Just wanted to give a thanks to everyone and an update.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

confused9900 said:


> It's been a year since I posted this and just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and input. I got freaked out that he would find out I was up here and deleted all knowledge of it and didn't get back on ( and yes I know how stupid that sounds).
> 
> So thought I would give a little update. We ended up having a long discussion (actually very long enduring days of discussions) and decided to separate. We weren't able to live separately at the time due to finances and plus my it was my youngest's kids last summer at home before he went off the college, so the plan was for one of us to move out after a few months. Well, after a month we ending up reconciling. We are still together but honestly still having a hard time forgiving him. We also haven't had sex in 2 years, I haven't been able to sleep with him since I found the fake Facebook profile and found out they had contact again. I can go for weeks and think ok, we are getting somewhere and I think I can trust him and out of no where all that goes away. I don't believe he is still talking to her or anyone else but I still can't get over the initial EA (or whatever it was). Talking to him isn't easy and seriously thinking it may be best if end things for good this time and get divorced. Any insight would helpful but not necessary at the this point. Just wanted to give a thanks to everyone and an update.


Has he ever confessed everything to you? If not, of course you can't forgive him... you don't even know what you're trying to forgive.

You say you cannot trust him... What has he DONE (not said, actually done) to earn back your trust? He should be the one bending over backwards and putting in all the work.

You could read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald. It will show YOU what he should be doing, and ideally he'd read it too.

Do you have full access to his phone, computer, etc. at all times? You should. He should also be leaving his phone sitting around, not in his pocket.

Have you two seen a marriage counselor? Or you an individual therapist?


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## confused9900 (Mar 29, 2014)

bobert said:


> Has he ever confessed everything to you? If not, of course you can't forgive him... you don't even know what you're trying to forgive.
> 
> You say you cannot trust him... What has he DONE (not said, actually done) to earn back your trust? He should be the one bending over backwards and putting in all the work.
> 
> ...


Hey bobert,

I have full access to his computer as it is a household computer but he does most stuff on his phone. The last time I asked him if I could see his phone and started going through it, he was fine at first but got started getting angry while I was doing it (this was last June). I haven't looked at it since and it is always in his pocket-driving, cutting grass, goes to bathroom, etc. The only time it is not in his pocket is a the dinner table and when he goes to bed. This bugs me but I haven't got up the courage to go through it while he was sleeping because he got so angry the last time I done it.

He says he has told me everything that happened, but it is so hard to really believe when I got a different story a year later. I honestly don't know if ever know if I have or not regardless of what he says, or that I will ever believe that I have.

I have not been to a therapist and I have mentioned marriage counseling on more than one occasion but he has always shot it down.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

confused9900 said:


> Hey bobert,
> 
> I have full access to his computer as it is a household computer but he does most stuff on his phone. The last time I asked him if I could see his phone and started going through it, he was fine at first but got started getting angry while I was doing it (this was last June). I haven't looked at it since and it is always in his pocket-driving, cutting grass, goes to bathroom, etc. The only time it is not in his pocket is a the dinner table and when he goes to bed. This bugs me but I haven't got up the courage to go through it while he was sleeping because he got so angry the last time I done it.
> 
> ...


This is why your reconciliation isn't working... You aren't reconciling, you are rug sweeping.

You should be able to look at his phone whenever you want, and you shouldn't feel bad or scared to do so. My wife had two LTA's and she purposely left her phone laying around all the time. If I ever asked for it, she'd hand it over no problem. She was doing that because she had nothing to hide, she wanted to prove that to me, and she wanted to help me heal anyway she could. She always went out of her way to make me feel better. Your husband should be doing the same.

You said you are scared to look at his phone because he reacted poorly last year. Are you also scared of what you might find? Burying your head in the sand won't help.

He said he has told you everything, so he has no need to guard his phone. I assume he has said that he wants to stay together, then why isn't he doing the work?

His words don't mean **** if his actions don't match.

If he won't do the work, won't bend over backward to make YOU feel better, and won't go to therapy, then you are doomed, sorry to say.


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## confused9900 (Mar 29, 2014)

bobert said:


> This is why your reconciliation isn't working... You aren't reconciling, you are rug sweeping.
> 
> You should be able to look at his phone whenever you want, and you shouldn't feel bad or scared to do so. My wife had two LTA's and she purposely left her phone laying around all the time. If I ever asked for it, she'd hand it over no problem. She was doing that because she had nothing to hide, she wanted to prove that to me, and she wanted to help me heal anyway she could. She always went out of her way to make me feel better. Your husband should be doing the same.
> 
> ...



I completely agree with you on the rug sweeping, it is what we do best. Anytime there have been issues over our marriage, we tend to rug sweep. I think once you do it for so long and so many times, it becomes a habit that is so hard to break. I am just as much fault as he is when it come to the rug sweeping and I completely own it. 

I also agree that I should be able to look at his phone whenever but he thinks I am treating him like a child when I do it and I am just looking for anything to cause issues ( like is EA isn't the main issue and why I feel that I should be able to do it whenever)

He does say that he wants to stay together, he is probably the reason why we reconciled this last time. He was emotional about everything and wanting to work it out. Not saying I wasn't the same but it made me feel like maybe there was a chance.

I honestly feel like we are past doomed anyway. I think I just needed to write it out and put it out there. I don't really feel comfortable talking to anyone else about this right now. My best friend is supportive and she knows of our history but she has her own stuff right now. 

Thanks bobert for you input, it is greatly appreciated!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

confused9900 said:


> I completely agree with you on the rug sweeping, it is what we do best. Anytime there have been issues over our marriage, we tend to rug sweep. I think once you do it for so long and so many times, it becomes a habit that is so hard to break. I am just as much fault as he is when it come to the rug sweeping and I completely own it.
> 
> I also agree that I should be able to look at his phone whenever but he thinks I am treating him like a child when I do it and I am just looking for anything to cause issues ( like is EA isn't the main issue and why I feel that I should be able to do it whenever)
> 
> ...


If you're done then you're done, but I'm just wondering something. If your husband did a 180 of sorts (not _the_ 180) and was ready to do the work, would you still be done? You said he thinks you are treating him like a child, looking to cause issues, etc. and won't go to MC (and previously refused to see a doctor about the ED). Has he accepted that he had an EA or, in his mind, was it not cheating? 

If he's reluctant to accept the reality of his actions, reading "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass _might_ help. If he really wants to stay together, wants it to work out, etc. then he should be willing to at least read a book. 

Or, like last time, maybe he will choose to separate again rather than working on the problems. 

It seems like divorce has been a long time coming over the years, but I wanted to throw that option out there. 

Honestly, I think most people (at least people who end up here!) need to write out their thoughts to get it out there and think more clearly. If it helps you then keep writing, there are lots of people who have been there, done that. It is good that you have people you can lean on IRL as well. That will be helpful to you as you move forward, whichever direction. 

You might want to have consultations with some attorneys. Most offer free consultations and it will at least let you know where you stand if you do divorce. It may help take away a bit of the fear of the unknown.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

From the outside, you don't have what looks much like marriage.

You are chocked full of resentment and overflowing with suspicion. 

Excluding the trust issue and the phone, you guys haven't had sex in 2 years. 

He won't deal with his ED. Can't get it up for you. And probably can't get it up for another girl. Not sure totally what you are worried about. Does he really have much going for him?

You're just roommates. 

Kids are nearly out of the house. 

What is the point of staying married to him?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

As you’re now aware, not all cheaters want to divorce their spouse. I had one of those too. My husband absolutely didn’t want a divorce but he also didn’t want to work on the marriage. He just wanted things to remain as they were. I lived with that for decades and finally, long after I should have, I got out. Some cheaters are willing to put in the hard work necessary to rebuild their marriage but many are just like your husband. You’ll have to decide if that’s how you want to spend the rest of your life. As I said last year, you’ll be playing marriage cop forever if you stay because there’s no way you can ever trust him. How does that sound — not too appealing is it?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

confused9900 said:


> Hey bobert,
> 
> I have full access to his computer as it is a household computer but he does most stuff on his phone. The last time I asked him if I could see his phone and started going through it, he was fine at first but got started getting angry while I was doing it (this was last June). I haven't looked at it since and it is always in his pocket-driving, cutting grass, goes to bathroom, etc. The only time it is not in his pocket is a the dinner table and when he goes to bed. This bugs me but I haven't got up the courage to go through it while he was sleeping because he got so angry the last time I done it.
> 
> ...


Please stop wasting your time, it is time to pull the plug. He is the one who ****ed up and then He gets angry! why are you still with him? There is no remorse, no empathy, no nothing. You are also in a sexless marriage, what is left really, you are nothing more than a room-mate and ones that don't like each other much eitehr. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? Quietly get your ducks in a row, go see a lawyer, I hope you are financially independent. You are in the same place you were a year ago, you are rug sweeping, letting him walk all over your boundaries, you haven't seen a therapist, this is all within YOUR control! Stop making excuses for him and do something for yourself, get rid of him first.


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## confused9900 (Mar 29, 2014)

bobert said:


> If you're done then you're done, but I'm just wondering something. If your husband did a 180 of sorts (not _the_ 180) and was ready to do the work, would you still be done? You said he thinks you are treating him like a child, looking to cause issues, etc. and won't go to MC (and previously refused to see a doctor about the ED). Has he accepted that he had an EA or, in his mind, was it not cheating?
> 
> If he's reluctant to accept the reality of his actions, reading "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass _might_ help. If he really wants to stay together, wants it to work out, etc. then he should be willing to at least read a book.
> 
> ...


Honestly, if he did a 180, I am not sure if I would want to stay. While he has admitted that he shouldn't have been talking to her, he is adamant that it wasn't an EA, he says he was just "playing the game" with her. He also shared a lot about our marriage and daily life with her, which she threw in my face when I confronted her. He had supposedly told not to contact him anymore (when I first caught him) but she sent him a text one night while I was sitting there and I saw it but he went outside and deleted it. I ended up messaging her and telling her not to contact him again.

Thanks again bobert, I appreciate your insight and your advice and will take it to heart.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

confused9900 said:


> Honestly, if he did a 180, I am not sure if I would want to stay. While he has admitted that he shouldn't have been talking to her, he is adamant that it wasn't an EA, he says he was just "playing the game" with her. He also shared a lot about our marriage and daily life with her, which she threw in my face when I confronted her.


Of course you understand that this is the EXACT definition of an emotional affair. 

I just want to make sure.


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## confused9900 (Mar 29, 2014)

Tron said:


> From the outside, you don't have what looks much like marriage.
> 
> You are chocked full of resentment and overflowing with suspicion.
> 
> ...


I will add here that after I found out about the EA, one of my conditions for trying to work things out was for him to go to the doctor. He did go and has ED and was put on medication (DH also believes some of it has to do with us). We did have sex after that but then I found the fake Facebook I haven't initiated since then and neither has he.

Sadly, I agree with you that we are just roommates at this point.


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## confused9900 (Mar 29, 2014)

Openminded said:


> As you’re now aware, not all cheaters want to divorce their spouse. I had one of those too. My husband absolutely didn’t want a divorce but he also didn’t want to work on the marriage. He just wanted things to remain as they were. I lived with that for decades and finally, long after I should have, I got out. Some cheaters are willing to put in the hard work necessary to rebuild their marriage but many are just like your husband. You’ll have to decide if that’s how you want to spend the rest of your life. As I said last year, you’ll be playing marriage cop forever if you stay because there’s no way you can ever trust him. How does that sound — not too appealing is it?



The whole marriage cop thing, not appealing at all and I hate the person I have become. I don't want to constantly want to spy on someone or wonder who they are talking to, it's exhausting.


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## confused9900 (Mar 29, 2014)

aine said:


> Please stop wasting your time, it is time to pull the plug. He is the one who ****ed up and then He gets angry! why are you still with him? There is no remorse, no empathy, no nothing. You are also in a sexless marriage, what is left really, you are nothing more than a room-mate and ones that don't like each other much eitehr. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? Quietly get your ducks in a row, go see a lawyer, I hope you are financially independent. You are in the same place you were a year ago, you are rug sweeping, letting him walk all over your boundaries, you haven't seen a therapist, this is all within YOUR control! Stop making excuses for him and do something for yourself, get rid of him first.


No, I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this which is why I am at the point of wanting to leave. We don't hate each other and get along well as roommates just not to much as husband and wife  I am financially independent and no issues with taking care of myself. I will say I am not making excuses for him though. What he done was wrong and he broke our marriage, no matter what place we were in before that, this is on him. I honestly do love him but also know that love isn't enough. I tried to stay and make it work because I didn't want to look back and regret not trying if I walked away before this point. I do get this is all in my control and that I have to do what is best for me.



BluesPower said:


> Of course you understand that this is the EXACT definition of an emotional affair.
> 
> I just want to make sure.


Oh, believe me I get that 100%, he is the one that doesn't get that. He thinks just because he says "he had no intention of leaving me for her" that it makes it less that an EA


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Many cheaters (including my ex-husband) don’t want a divorce and will fight to keep the marriage. They want all the comforts of home along with the excitement on the side of the shiny new toy. Mine swore his suspected AP’s over the years were just friends and that I was completely over-reacting and totally imagining things. For decades I bought his lies because he was very convincing and I believed in marriage then.

I finally woke up when I found an email from a suspected AP where she told him that she loved him and he responded that he loved her too. When I confronted him, he said he didn’t mean it in that way and it was just to make her feel better since she said it first and, really, they were just friends as he had always said. The light-bulb moment had finally arrived and I felt like the absolute most stupid person alive to have bought his lies for so long. I realized that the pull of the shiny new toy, someone who didn’t really know him, was always going to be more important than working on our marriage.

He fought the divorce but at that point I was immune to all his tears and pleas and promises. I saw him for what he was — a very weak and insecure man who needed constant attention and admiration and validation from other women. I would never be enough for him so I let him go. He remarried the moment the judge signed the divorce decree (but not to his AP).

Serial cheaters rarely change. They’ll always keep looking to find that fix they need. Keep that in mind.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

The fact that he won’t admit that what he did was an affair is what will prevent any type of real R from happening. Period. 

Even if he did every single thing right and became your version of the perfect husband... you may never be able to fully get past what he did. And THATS OK. No one gets to tell you how to feel or what you should do. Personally, I think his behavior is awful, and encourage you to kick him to the curb. Cheaters shouldn’t get another chance in my opinion, and he isn’t appreciative of the gift you’ve given him. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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