# Hoping we can reconcile... what do you think?



## Lanilla

I'm posting this in a diff forum for a different perspective... pls read...
Me (28) and my husband (25) have only been married for 10 months... We have a 1 year old child together... He told me he doesn't want to be married anymore., and actually gave me an explanation, here it is:
When considering marriage (after our child was born) he had a lot of pressure from his parents and other elders that we should be married, even though it wasn't something he really wanted. I told him that I loved him and wanted to be married, but didn't want to force him...he thought it was best for the baby (& also thought that if he didn't marry me I'd move back home- I have no family here- and did I mention I moved across the country to be with him?) so... he married me.
Like any novice marriage, we had our fights... I needed love and affection and he needed space (that doesn't go together). We fought (ALOT) the first few months (over petty things)... a few months ago, when he told me that he wanted a divorce, I told him I was thinking about moving back home (HE WAS LIVID & Hurt) and said he didn't want to be married to someone who would threaten to take our son away... 
He says that he doesn't trust me either, b/c I've went thru his phone several times w/o his knowledge and blew up at him for the things I've seen (he works as a nightclub promoter and always has an explanation for the women he flirts with)... IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A YEAR!!! I'm so frustrated and think we can work on it... He's given me the ring back and moved out into another apartment w/ a friend of his and said that his decision is divorce, BUT, he needs space to clear his head to see if his mind will change, but if I get tired of waiting then he'll sign the papers...
We have to see each other b/c of the baby (back and forth) when I'm around him, I cry and beg to come home... which makes him more frustrated and want to leave me more... How should I be around him? I want him to come back, but it's hard to hide my feelings as if everything is okay and it's not...


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## oklahoma1701

The prognosis sounds bad... just from the information you've provided. Of course, when I first separated, I thought it looked bleak too. If you want it to work, it is important for you to not give up, but at the same time, don't crawl to him. Cut off as much ties as you can and get busy with new hobbies, etc. The mystery will help make you more attractive to him.


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## Hope1964

Wait - he flirts with other women and you're OK with that? I don't care WHAT line of work he's in, that is NOT ok.

The guy has told you in many ways he does not want to be married to you. Why on earth would YOU want to be married to HIM?


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## kenn

I read alot on the forum and everybody talks about the 180 rule. I've been trying to follow this, but at what point do you start to make contact with them??? Mind you I am 750 miles away from my wife so her seeing things isn't going to happen. Much less hear things, cause she has no connection where I'm at. I do love her and miss her alot, but she wont respond to any messages or anything. We have a house that she is living in and NOT paying the mortgage. I have been paying the 2nd mortgage, and need to know what her plans are for the house. I gave her permission to sell the house (she is a realtor and as well as I was). She wants me to quit claim the house to her for only $10 while the house has equity of $24,000. She stated over a month ago that she wouldn't buy me out and that she'll let it go to foreclosure. In Virginia, there is nothing I can do until we are separated for 1 year. If we would agree to a property settlement agreement within 6 months, then we could get divorced within 6 months. But if contested, then have to wait 12 months or more.


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