# Leave before Christmas???



## daisykay

I have been dealing with trying to leave (or get him to leave) my husband for quite some time. I have been unhappy for years, and over the past year things have gotten to the end. I left him in July but came back so he would be closer to the kids. But, since I came back, he thinks everything is fine. When I comfront him about this, he says that he knows things aren’t good with us, but he is trying. And I will give him that, he is trying, but I am at the point where I am done trying. We tried councilling several times before, but he wasn’t into it. but now that I have left, he wants to serisouly try it. I don’t, but agreed to go, and there is nothing that this councilor is saying that I have not heard already. I am at the end. I can’t stand to look at him, yet he thinks it is fine to ask me for sexual favors, even though I have told him many times before I am not into it, and won’t be, so stop asking. The councellor even told him. But, he still thinks it is my duty to satisfy him. I know that it will be over soon, I will not stay with him, I am beginning to truly deep down hate him, but I feel bad leaving before Christmas. We have two small daughters (ages 3 and 5) and I don’t want to break their heart with having daddy not there at Christmas. But in the next breath, they are not close to him because he is so mean to them and yells at them all the time. I really don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do, but I don’t know if I should now, or wait until Jan. Is there ever really a good time to leave?

Advise????


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## turnera

Wait until January 1; that'll give you time to make better arrangements. Plus, he'll know for 2 months that you're leaving and if he's truly serious about saving the marriage, you're giving him a last chance at it.


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## missconfused

daisykay said:


> I have been dealing with trying to leave (or get him to leave) my husband for quite some time. I have been unhappy for years, and over the past year things have gotten to the end. I left him in July but came back so he would be closer to the kids. But, since I came back, he thinks everything is fine. When I comfront him about this, he says that he knows things aren’t good with us, but he is trying. And I will give him that, he is trying, but I am at the point where I am done trying. We tried councilling several times before, but he wasn’t into it. but now that I have left, he wants to serisouly try it. I don’t, but agreed to go, and there is nothing that this councilor is saying that I have not heard already. I am at the end. I can’t stand to look at him, yet he thinks it is fine to ask me for sexual favors, even though I have told him many times before I am not into it, and won’t be, so stop asking. The councellor even told him. But, he still thinks it is my duty to satisfy him. I know that it will be over soon, I will not stay with him, I am beginning to truly deep down hate him, but I feel bad leaving before Christmas. We have two small daughters (ages 3 and 5) and I don’t want to break their heart with having daddy not there at Christmas. But in the next breath, they are not close to him because he is so mean to them and yells at them all the time. I really don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do, but I don’t know if I should now, or wait until Jan. Is there ever really a good time to leave?
> 
> Advise????


Im in that same boat. What a terrible time to end your marriage. I too, have been unhappy for what seems like a long time.


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## greeneyeddolphin

On one hand, there's no sense dragging it out if you're unhappy and set on ending it. But at the same time, this is a bad time to be totally changing your daughters lives. 

Plus, if you wait until after the holidays, he's getting this other chance he seems to so desperately want, and you never know...he might change your mind.


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## Anonny123

you sound as if you've already checked out... I pesonally would leave already. I am in this dilemna now w/ Thanksgiving being this week but I don't see myself waiting another month (I have checked out I know it for a fact) BUT with C'mas only being a monh away maybe you can stick it out for the sake of your girls but no more excuses after that b/c if you're always going to come up with a "oh it's this event" "oh it's that" you're never going to leave and you're just going to give him more and more chances and be more and more unhappier. If you're goingt o stick it out until c'mas make sure your husband knows you are elaving right after and only doing this for the sake of the kid. If he doesn't care - I'd kick him out and spare your daughters the yelling and meaness from him


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## nel

I am also in the same situation as you...although my kids are all grown up... I am busy trying to arrange a removal and stuff all before xmas...I will never know if im doing the right thing but for now it seem its my only option..


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## ColoMarriage

Perhaps you should talk to someone who's gone through a horrible divorce prior to giving up on therapy and counseling. Perhaps you should look at what you didn't contribute to the marriage prior to making judgments.

You have no...and I mean NO...idea of the pain and suffering you're going to bring on the heads of yourself, your spouse and more importantly your children should you divorce. If you're not in an abusive relationship, then I highly suggest you overturn every stone prior to making that decision.

You made a commitment before yourself, your spouse and your God to be in this marriage. Your children will suffer greatly and require years of therapy to understand why mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. You will have fights and destroy relationships within your family and with your friends. You will spend thousands of dollars on attorneys only to discover the money you spent would be better put towards therapists and your kids' college fund.

Don't be stupid. TALK to your husband. TELL them how you really feel, and that if they don't go to counseling and take it seriously that you will leave for good.


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## sbbs

Don't worry so much about the timing. Worry more about the thing itself--the relationship you have with your husband, and the prospect of divorce.

If you're still divided on whether to leave your husband, you're not really ready to go just yet. unless you feel that you're in physical danger if you stay. Once the marriage is really over, you'll know it in your bones. You'll stop mulling over when or how to leave, and you'll just know you have to go, come hell or high water.

From the sounds of it, though, you're not at that point yet. Leaving is something you can't take back, so it really is the last resort. If there's even a prayer of reconciliation with your husband, try your best to make that work out first.

If you don't mind my asking--what's going on in your marriage that's making you (and probably him, too) so unhappy?


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## jahenders

I agree with Annony that it sounds like you've checked out already and are, seriously, coming to hate him. That being the case, you should really take a hard look at whether he's "being mean" to your daughters or if, in your anger and/or hate, you see EVERYTHING he does or says in a negative light. If that's at all possible, you should consider waiting, giving him AND YOURSELF some time to try and improve things.

My wife asked me to move out just a few days before Christmas a few years back. We're back together now, but I will never forget how painful that season was and how cruel her timing seemed.


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## hgranger

The timing is hard. My husband asked for divorce this past Sunday. He has been checked out for the past few months & decided he wanted to start the new year fresh. Being on the other side, it's really hard, but I don't know that doing it right after Christmas would be much better. Divorce and separation are awful all year round.


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## PBear

Tis the season, I guess... It came out this Monday that I want a separation; we've been in counseling to the fact that our marriage of 18 years is in trouble isn't a surprise. We decided to keep Christmas as "normal" as possible, as we're not fighting with each other at all, and things are still amicable. But Monday was a day for hard truths, and a decision for which way we were headed.

To be honest, I'm feeling much less stressed now than I was last week, simply for having gotten that out. She seemed really stressed the day after that discussion, but we're back to talking about normal family stuff. Haven't gone back to a serious relationship discussion since then, though. Probably get back to that next week.

C


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## amanda1959

yes we are all going through a shift that is for sure but honey you have two very young children. I teach children between 2 1/2 to 6 and it is called the "sensitive period" in a childs development. This is the age when their brains are developing the fastest in their lives. They are very impressionable. If you stay with him just make sure you are a very good actress in front of them. It could be the last Xmas where Daddy is in the picture. Maybe Daddy out of the picture sooner is better than later so they can adjust without him in the picture as much. You are in a very difficult spot. Get counselling around the children is need be. They are tender little spirits right now. My love to you and the girls this Xmas season. xxoo


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## hgranger

Article on msnbc.com (Here's a Christmas surprise: You're dumped! - Health - Healthy Holidays - msnbc.com) came out yesterday on this topic. Their advice is to wait until after Christmas. I now wish my husband did. I'm still in the shock and awe phase. He had been acting distant for months, but insisted all was fine. Thursday night he asked what I wanted for Christmas and on Sunday he asked for divorce. He won't even see me on Christmas or New Year's because he thinks "it's for the best". It's just incredibly painful.


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