# cant lose baby weight quick enough for husband



## triplelove (Sep 15, 2016)

i had a pretty good shape before i got pregnant and was relatively active. while i was pregnant(with TRIPLETS) i barely gained any weight and actually looked better than before i got pregnant lol. unfortunately a couple months later i got a hormonal iud and i blew up 40 pounds in roughly 6/7 months(i way more now than i did while i was pregnant). anyways my husband wont touch me. he doesnt even want to cuddle or really hug me. he blames me for the weight gain and i recently just got the iud taken out and started working out even more but my feelings are extremely hurt. he says hes happy about everything else in our relationship but im just so gross to him basically he cant help but want to go to someone else..now that i know that i dont want him to even be around me.plus his depression has became very overwhelming as of lately so its just so much im upset over. ive considered staying at my mothers for a week just so we can have some space. is that too harsh? id really appreciate some men's perspectives too.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Well, that's good that you got the IUD taken out. And I'm so sorry that you had such a bad experience; though I'm not surprised, I've always thought they were a bad idea.

Your husband sounds like an absolute stinker. You *are* working on losing the weight. And you only gained it because of a bad reaction to a birth control product.

Plus, you gave birth to TRIPLETS, and apparently didn't gain overmuch during that pregnancy. That's really commendable.

May I ask if that was a natural conception, or fertility treatments were involved. I'm just curious because it's very rare for that to be natural. 

I hope you and the babies are doing well.

Your "husband" is thinking of going to someone else, huh?

What a sh.thead. This is a pro-marriage site, and we're supposed to encourage staying together when healthy to do so.

But he told you that you were "so gross to him". It's hard to forget when men say such hurtful things; I know, believe me.

Go to your mom's for a while and really think this over. It's completely unacceptable.

It's not like you were just sitting around stuffing your face with cookies and not exercising. Your body went through a very challenging time.

And your husband wasn't understanding or compassionate about that.

Threatening to cheat is just scumbucketsville.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

triplelove said:


> *he says hes happy about everything else in our relationship but im just so gross to him basically he cant help but want to go to someone else.*.now that i know that i dont want him to even be around me.plus his depression has became very overwhelming as of lately so its just so much im upset over. ive considered staying at my mothers for a week just so we can have some space. *is that too harsh?* id really appreciate some men's perspectives too.


Really???


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## triplelove (Sep 15, 2016)

Thank you they actually were natural. Im a stay at home mom obviously so i don'5 get out he house often so im sure that mightve helped me gain some extra weight, im definitely not a muncher so youre right i dont sit and eat all day. 
He says he feels ****ty for being unattracted to me


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

What he don't realize, due to his shear ignorance of women, is that his comments and actions about your weight has caused you to lose interest in him, that will continue to fester, and will never come back. In short, you have discovered the kind of pri-k you married and will chip away at your respect and desire for him, unless he make a dramatic change; and you know how likely that will be. You see milady, you are now experiencing what its like to be yoked to a boy-male. A man of steel and velvet (stolen from a book) understands a woman's body is fluid thatchanges with pregnancy as well as over time and accepts that. However, he knows she also has the same plumbing, and doesn't fall short of proper care a maintenance while she recovers; and especially if she's doing her best. 
If it were me, and speaking from my male perspective, (I was a lion once when I was younger) I'd tell him when he decides to venture elsewhere, that door swings both ways. You'd be surprised at the number of men who desire women with a little meat on their bones. I've always found the full figure hourglass girls extremely desirable. I'd probably want you to keep some of that 40 on especially if distributed to the butt and breast.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Your Husband is a d$kc


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Tell you husband when he stops being an a**hole, you'll start losing the weight. Making you feel bad and threating to cheat is not going to give you any desire to lose weight. If he doesn't change his tune and learn to support you and not put you down, I'd lose the weight and then lose him.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Your husband is a complete and utter a$$hole jerk. I do not care what the reason or how much weight you've gained - a husband should NEVER EVER EVER tell his wife that HER APPEARANCE is forcing him to cheat. The fact he even MADE that comment should tell you all you need to know right there.

You need to do a serious evaluation of your relationship, and tell - yes TELL - that sh!theel husband of yours that you are doing so. Think about whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with such a shallow d!ckwad. His entire attitude towards you and the threat of him cheating like that is completely uncalled for, and there needs to be a seriously huge consequence to him for it. Whether that ends up being divorce is up to you. You may not want D, but that may be your only choice, unless you want to allow him to cheat on you and continue to disrespect you.

You also need to think about what kind of message your kids are going to get if your husband treats you that way, and you let him.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

*


Daisy12 said:



Tell you husband when he stops being an a**hole, you'll start losing the weight. Making you feel bad and threating to cheat is not going to give you any desire to lose weight. If he doesn't change his tune and learn to support you and not put you down, I'd lose the weight and then lose him.

Click to expand...

Now there is some pretty good advice and tell him that when you do lose the weight since he is threatening you maybe you'll get a boyfriend who likes your "new" shape.

And maybe he should reread the vows he took because some day he may lose his shape, not be able to get it up so easily, lose his hair, etc. Ask him if that means its OK for you to find another lover if anything like that happens??

And if he does not stop acting like a fool, lose the weight and find another husband.*


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

my wife has gained about 30 lbs since we got married (3+ years).
she knows this and it bothers her.

does it bother me? of course it does. she's not lazy, but she works a lot of hours and just doesn't have time to work out.

i let it go. i encourage her to work out and that's it. she's still beautiful and sexy to me.
i would never say anything hurtful.

what a [email protected]!


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## triplelove (Sep 15, 2016)

Like i said i looked pretty good before babies so all this extra weight ive gained kills me. Im not confident at all anymore and to be told what i was hurts me even more. I know i could do more and work harder at it but im the one at home cleaning and taking care of the 3. Its tiresome. 
I can't help but blame myself like I should've paid more attention to myself then i would never be in this situation


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Forget about him for a while and focus on you. You've had quite a pregnancy, no doubt, and now have 3 little ones to focus on. They're your pride and joy anyway, so the H can take a back seat.

We've had a couple sets of multiples so I get it. But multiples strain marriages, and a lot of women only focus on the kids and a lot if guys check out. Sad but true facts. H could be one of those guys who can't handle it, and is showing it this way. Maybe he feels pushed aside by the rifle waves of new babies (VERY common) and is lashing out to hurt you back.

Who knows, but it's not important now. First priority is a healthy mind and attitude. If YOU want to lose weight - and I am not suggesting you should or shouldn't - then I say hire a personal trainer to come to your house twice a week and help you out.

Don't worry about the money - I'm not kidding. With lots of kids you will always have things you want to spend your money on, so you will never have enough for YOU going forward unless you decide you're worth it. I started paying $400 per month for a trainer over a year ago (8 sessions 45 min each $50 each) at a health club in my office building and I'm showing huge progress I couldn't get myself.

If you focus on you right now a couple of things will happen. H will see you gaining some self esteem and independence, which will be interesting, a little scary, and a little attractive. Spending that much on yourself (can be less but should be something a little eye raising) WITHOUT asking him will also put him on notice that you can take care of yourself and your babies. It shows strength and independence in the relationship, which is always good (independence doesn't have to mean you're not 100% close too).

I'm not going to diss on H because I don't know enough about his situation or depression yet. Others surely will though so you'll get plenty of support.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Using your weight as a way to justify *possible cheating* on his end is ridiculous, and I'd take that as a *threat* if it were me.
People threaten when they feel cornered, threatened themselves, or because they are just a general arseh0le.

Also, you don't just gain 40 lbs overnight. You gained the weight over time while having the IUD.

So, if he had a problem with your *increasing* weight gain, *over time*, did he communicate to you in an honest way that he was having problems with your weight gain?

If he didn't bring it to you before, and just blew up at you suddenly once you'd gained 40 lbs, then he needs to own his lack of communication and feelings more. If he *did* bring it to you previously, my question would be - why did you not act sooner on removing the IUD or working with him to find a solution that would bring you better together, like making an exercise plan together or something similar?

Just want to get a better picture of the background here before I dig into this one.

I'm not saying he isn't at fault for some terrible things here and I'm not sure this is salvageable, but I think there's a piece of the story that isn't being told.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

A guy here. You're husband is a shallow, superficial, d1ck, a$$hole. 

Before you gained weight did you ever witness him making disparaging comments about other people based on their appearance or other superficial characteristics?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

LOL 40 lbs. After triplets? Honestly, I thought you were going to say 70-100. Seriously, 40? No, the actual weight doesn't matter at all, but I just expected something much higher than 40 lbs for triplets? Did he fail biology? A hormonal imbalance is not your fault.

I'd make sure he understood what his affair talk meant to you. Then I'd make sure he understood what a weekend dad looks like with 50% or less custody. Yes, if someone says "I may have an affair," I'm going to say "cool there WILL be a divorce." Yes, this "but im just so gross to him basically he cant help but want to go to someone else" is an affair threat, no semantic games necessary.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

If your husband is going to threaten to leave over not liking your weight gain, let him go. Last I heard marriage is little more than just an extended date for those who manage to keep their bodies in shape. Don't fight him leaving a bit, I wouldn't even suggest that you consider to leave. Would you actually want to be with someone who is constantly going to judge your weight? I would worry that if you did lose the pounds, what would be next?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Triplets,

So let me net this out for you. 

His fat phobia is not attractive, but it's probably real. The bigger issue BY FAR is that he hasn't offered to get a vasectomy.

While a vasectomy has risks, they are lower on average than those from an IUD. 





triplelove said:


> i had a pretty good shape before i got pregnant and was relatively active. while i was pregnant(with TRIPLETS) i barely gained any weight and actually looked better than before i got pregnant lol. unfortunately a couple months later i got a hormonal iud and i blew up 40 pounds in roughly 6/7 months(i way more now than i did while i was pregnant). anyways my husband wont touch me. he doesnt even want to cuddle or really hug me. he blames me for the weight gain and i recently just got the iud taken out and started working out even more but my feelings are extremely hurt. he says hes happy about everything else in our relationship but im just so gross to him basically he cant help but want to go to someone else..now that i know that i dont want him to even be around me.plus his depression has became very overwhelming as of lately so its just so much im upset over. ive considered staying at my mothers for a week just so we can have some space. is that too harsh? id really appreciate some men's perspectives too.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

triplelove said:


> i had a pretty good shape before i got pregnant and was relatively active. while i was pregnant(with TRIPLETS) i barely gained any weight and actually looked better than before i got pregnant lol. unfortunately a couple months later i got a hormonal iud and i blew up 40 pounds in roughly 6/7 months(i way more now than i did while i was pregnant). anyways my husband wont touch me. he doesnt even want to cuddle or really hug me. he blames me for the weight gain and i recently just got the iud taken out and started working out even more but my feelings are extremely hurt. he says hes happy about everything else in our relationship but im just so gross to him basically he cant help but want to go to someone else..now that i know that i dont want him to even be around me.plus his depression has became very overwhelming as of lately so its just so much im upset over. ive considered staying at my mothers for a week just so we can have some space. is that too harsh? id really appreciate some men's perspectives too.


I honestly can NOT believe your husband told you those things. Perhaps his actions might be making you really think he feels this way. So for the love of god, actually go ask your husband to confirm that is how he actually feels. If he confirms it, then I am sorry. If he says that he is still attracted to you, then your intimacy problems are very tied to the stress of having TRIPLETS.

It is very possible he sees you unattractive now because his instincts may be indicating to him you want to have another child. Regardless at this point, even if you were a beauty queen he may find you sexually unattractive from STRESS.

Hope that helps,
Badsanta


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## tripod (Jun 18, 2016)

How tall are you? 40-50 pounds on someone 5-feet tall is certainly different than one someone 5'8". I have no sympathy for people who allow themselves to become fat and gross. 

You've been "out of action" for how long--including gestation, birth, recovery, etc? And, then the 6-7 months on the IUD and since then? Maybe he's supremely frustrated and it doesn't sound to me like you care, just got your butt hurt.

I don't agree that your husband's comment, even as you relayed it, is malicious and makes him all the naughty words others have used. Ill-spoken perhaps and bluntly honest certainly. Had he complained about you being fat before? Did you just blow his concerns and communication off? If you had accepted it and given it some attention and action, then he wouldn't have upped the ante with his comment. 

How were things before the babies? Any other kids? 

You mentioned in passing that he's depressed. Have you been doing anything to help him?


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

I got nothing, other than to say that your husband is a piece of crap.


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## triplelove (Sep 15, 2016)

We have spoken about getting a vasectomy but we do want more kids later on, we are only in our 20's. However since I did get it taken out and I'm just on the pill for now he might go get it done anyways. Again i've known him since highschool so over the years he has spoken about how much he does not like heavier women, and a couple years ago my little pooch bothered him, but I lost it and we were fine. I've always weighed 170 but I was muscle, now im just soft and gushy+40 pounds. 
A couple months ago he did tell me my weight was starting to become a bit of a problem but he said he was still attracted to me, of course I started working out BUT my IUD made it really hard for me to lose the weight(which is why I got it taken out). It wasn't until last night we were just talking about us when he brought up now how big the weight is an issue for him. He is at the point now where he has to force himself to touch me and to give me compliments because he doesn't look at me and think of me as his sexy,cute or even attractive wife anymore. He explained to me how it makes him feel bad, that I give him everything else that he would want in our relationship but the physical attraction is not there anymore. He knows that if he went to another woman he would be happy, but only physically because he loves what he has here. 

I don't know if this is something I can live with. I don't know if I want to live with a man who will turn to a complete donkey everytime i gain some weight. It's going to make my life more stressful than it is already.


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## triplelove (Sep 15, 2016)

I literally do everything I can to help him with his depression. I've tried to take him to the hospital, get him into therapy on medication everything. I sit and talk to him for hours when he has a trip. That is emotionally draining which again leads to me not having as much energy as I would like to be able to go work out. 
the 7 months I was pregnant he had 2 suicide attempts and one of them were while I was in the hospital on bedrest. I had a c-section so my recovery and body was all messed up.
Things were great before I got pregnant(which is how we got pregnant). These are our first kids.


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## tripod (Jun 18, 2016)

Your husband is suicidal...has attempted to kill himself twice, and is severely and clinically depressed. And your feelings are hurt because he said that with your weight at 220-230 pounds he no longer found you sexually attractive?

You've got more problems than him saying that he'd think about looking elsewhere for sex. Identify and work on those.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

triplelove said:


> i had a pretty good shape before i got pregnant and was relatively active. while i was pregnant(with TRIPLETS) i barely gained any weight and actually looked better than before i got pregnant lol. unfortunately a couple months later i got a hormonal iud and i blew up 40 pounds in roughly 6/7 months(i way more now than i did while i was pregnant). anyways my husband wont touch me. he doesnt even want to cuddle or really hug me. he blames me for the weight gain and i recently just got the iud taken out and started working out even more but my feelings are extremely hurt. he says hes happy about everything else in our relationship but im just so gross to him basically he cant help but want to go to someone else..now that i know that i dont want him to even be around me.plus his depression has became very overwhelming as of lately so its just so much im upset over. ive considered staying at my mothers for a week just so we can have some space. is that too harsh? id really appreciate some men's perspectives too.


Tell him to kiss your a$$.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

First, the depression thread and now this. He won't get treatment for his depression, and he treats you like this?

If he gets treatment for his depression, his treatment of you might change. Then again, it might not.

I would advise him that if he decides to cheat, then you will file for divorce. Full stop. Let him know that there will be consequences if he carries through on his threat.

But you need to seriously think about if you want to spend your life with someone who treats you this way. I certainly wouldn't. 

Lots of excellent advice already on this thread. I agree with pretty much all of it.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Ok guys, which one would you pick?


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## triplelove (Sep 15, 2016)

Well first of all i weigh 195 right now. So im nowhere near 230-250 pounds and im 5'6. 
He has been suicidal and he is depressed but if you let him tell it he has it under control and it kinda all falls back on being my fault somehow.

Yea i tried talking to him last night about his depression after the advice i got on my other thread and this crap came out.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Your H's psychological problems (depression, lack of empathy, and shear selfishness) are much bigger barriers in your marriage than the number when you step on the scale.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

His depression may stem from having the responsibility of three babies at the same time. Some of these guys raised is homes where their biggest concern was if the volume on their X-box was loud enough to drowned out the lawn maintenance guy's equipment are not use to a lot of responsibility?


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## triplelove (Sep 15, 2016)

he's had depression literally as long as ive dated him. i know our new life situation probably adds to his depression but its always been an issue


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So what if he's depressed? That doesn't give him carte blanche to tell his wife he intends to screw around on her because of the way she looks.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

triplelove said:


> i had a pretty good shape before i got pregnant and was relatively active. while i was pregnant(with TRIPLETS) i barely gained any weight and actually looked better than before i got pregnant lol. unfortunately a couple months later i got a hormonal iud and i blew up 40 pounds in roughly 6/7 months(i way more now than i did while i was pregnant). anyways my husband wont touch me. he doesnt even want to cuddle or really hug me. he blames me for the weight gain and i recently just got the iud taken out and started working out even more but my feelings are extremely hurt. he says hes happy about everything else in our relationship but im just so gross to him basically he cant help but want to go to someone else..now that i know that i dont want him to even be around me.plus his depression has became very overwhelming as of lately so its just so much im upset over. ive considered staying at my mothers for a week just so we can have some space. is that too harsh? id really appreciate some men's perspectives too.


Jesus, triplets? When do you find TIME to work out?

Why in hell would you lug 3 infants over to your mother's house? Tell Prince Charming *he* needs to leave. What a complete as*shole. I'm willing to bet he does very little to nothing as far as sharing the responsibilities for 3 babies, so it's not like his absence would actually make a difference - except you'd have a week of not dealing with an a*sshole, so there IS a payoff in that.



> He explained to me how it makes him feel bad, that I give him everything else that he would want in our relationship but the physical attraction is not there anymore. He knows that if he went to another woman he would be happy, but only physically because he loves what he has here.


Poor muffin, *HE* feels bad for verbally and emotionally abusing you, does he? Poor, poor victim. Let me run and get my crying towel.

And THIS is the jerk you want to tether yourself to with MORE kids? 



> He has been suicidal and he is depressed but if you let him tell it he has it under control and it kinda all falls back on being my fault somehow.


He's a hot mess. He chooses NOT to fix himself, so I'd be choosing NOT to deal with his sorry ass anymore.

I have zero sympathy for him because you said this crap with his depression has gone on since you *met *him. He's had YEARS to get himself figured out. Sounds like he prefers the victim role and abusing you and blaming you for everything wrong in this world. Is he such a special snowflake that he'll melt if he - _*gasp*_ - goes to a shrink to fix what ails him? 

You've pandered to this guy for FAR too long.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

triplelove said:


> he's had depression literally as long as ive dated him. i know our new life situation probably adds to his depression but its always been an issue


It hasn't been "an" issue, it is "THE" issue as to why he has self-esteem issues and thinks that if you were slimmer it would build his confidence. Your weight is not THE problem, he will never be self-fulfilled until he works out his own issues, and your marriage can't grow unless he can get himself back on the path to self-actualization. I'm not saying you don't bring your own set of life challenges that make growth more difficult, but before you can fix any problem you need to understand what the problem is (and with your weight issue you seem to me to have a clear understanding of the cause and have taken some steps in the right direction to fix it?). So now, what are the steps your H wants to take to begin fixing his issues?


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I'm sorry he said those awful things to you. 

We women go through many changes through life. Some of them are quite hard on us. I wish that every woman had the unconditional love of a man through these changes. I'm in my late 40s now and my friends are going through peri menopause which is making them crazy. I work out and watch what I eat every day - every day. Much more than I ever have in my life and I have gained 20 pounds over the past 5 years. 

Bodies change. And bless your heart being the new mom of triplets. Children are a joy but it also does a number on you! 

I wish he was helping you feel better about yourself and supporting your efforts instead of undermining them.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

He's a douche - that's the long and short of it.

There have been times when I want attracted to my wife (nothing physical, more just problems in the relationship manifesting themselves) - but i would never in a million years tell her something like that. That's the kind of thing that sticks with a person for a lifetime.

Feelings of attraction ebb and flow throughout the course of a relationship, everyone knows that. But to tell your wife you're probably going to cheat is just downright mean. It's actually worse if he doesn't really mean it.

I'd suggest you call him on it and tell him how that makes you feel.


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## tripod (Jun 18, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Jesus, triplets? When do you find TIME to work out?
> 
> Why in hell would you lug 3 infants over to your mother's house? Tell Prince Charming *he* needs to leave. What a complete as*shole. I'm willing to bet he does very little to nothing as far as sharing the responsibilities for 3 babies, so it's not like his absence would actually make a difference - except you'd have a week of not dealing with an a*sshole, so there IS a payoff in that.
> 
> ...


Wow. I guess I just stumbled into Mr. Rogers' Compassion Corner.

By the OP's postings, here's a guy who is and has been for the length of their relationship clinically depressed, has tried to kill himself twice and remains suicidal.

News flash for y'all...mentally ill people who try to kill themselves can't just "get themselves off to a shrink..." figure themselves out, pull themselves up by their boot straps, or start riding unicorns. 

And your concern is for the OP because her feelings where hurt when he said she was so fat that he wasn't attracted to her sexually.

She says she used to be a "muscled 175" and then gained 40 pounds AFTER the kiddos were born. (BTW, at 175, she'd have to be 6 feet tall to have a 50% BMI, ie, normal, (but we all know that muscles weigh more.) If she gained 40 pounds, she gained 22 percent of her previous body weight and at 215 pounds deserves an honest expression of her husband's angst and disapproval. She got it, and to her credit is working at becoming healthier. 

I see two struggling people. One desperately needs psychiatric help, and though a social or legal intervention if he's too sick to commit himself. The other is foundering with three babies and all the related pressures of being a new parent, and with a sick mate. 

None of those problems are going to be resolved by ham-handed TAM comments disparaging a sick and vulnerable man. She should consult county social services to see what aid is available and seek it for both. If no governmental resources are available, then nonprofit and religious organizations often provide assistance. 

Good luck OP.


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## Legend (Jun 25, 2013)

There are really only two basic rules men generally have to follow in their relationships (marriage or otherwise):

#1: Don't be a pv$$y. # 2: Don't be a d!<k.

Your husband sounds like rule #2 is difficult for him to follow.

How would you feel if your husband desired you and wanted you in all ways despite the extra weight?

You should feel cherished by your husband. It's good to want to look good for your spouse but I wouldn't accept the way your husband expresses his disapproval. 

He she be there to help and love, not tear down.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Tell him that you agree....that you need to lose weight and quickly.

Tell him to GET LOST......There!!......there goes 200 lbs. of FATHEAD gone.

You feel the weight on your shoulders getting lighter already. Don't you? !


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

tripod said:


> Wow. I guess I just stumbled into Mr. Rogers' Compassion Corner.
> 
> By the OP's postings, here's a guy who is and has been for the length of their relationship clinically depressed, has tried to kill himself twice and remains suicidal.
> 
> ...


Good Post....pays to read up on prior posts...I usually do....get the Crow in the Oven. I did not delete my prior post. He still is a.............hand [basket] full.

Thank you. Reality in the face of a Hurricane works best.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

ugh. i gained a lot of weight after baby #2 on a hormonal IUD.
ex hubby complained a lot.

when i left him and got it taken out, the weight just melted off without too much extra effort.
Hormonal birth control does that to a lot of women.
I was just talking to my SIL about it the other day. How many women go on it, so that their partners don't have to wear a condom. and then they gain weight, and then the sex drops off, and their partners b!tch and moan about the extra lbs. and then they break up, stop the bc and slim down. vicious cycle.

You don't deserve to be treated that way. You had 3 kids. your body did some amazing things. and now you weigh more. big whoop. it's not forever, and you are trying. 
i feel like he is taking his frustrations with himself out on you.


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## triplelove (Sep 15, 2016)

Update: So I'm back home just because it wasn't working and my Mom's. All day yesterday he was really flirty and wanting me to play in his hair and giggle. Before bed he tried to have sex with me and I rejected him. As much as I wanted to enjoy it mentally I just couldn't do it. I've lost 10 pounds since I got my iud taken out 2 weeks ago so I''m feeling better already but Still not sure how I feel about my husband. I dont want to feel uncomfortable about my body for the reat of my life with him


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Sorry - you REJECTED him?? wtf. What do you mean, 'mentally' you couldn't do it?

Time to sh!t or get off the pot here.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

This made me LOL! Thanks, I really needed it! 



SunCMars said:


> Tell him that you agree....that you need to lose weight and quickly.
> 
> Tell him to GET LOST......There!!......there goes 200 lbs. of FATHEAD gone.
> 
> You feel the weight on your shoulders getting lighter already. Don't you? !


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Of course she rejected him! That is the right thing to do. He has a lot of making up to do if he wants in her pants now. 
Stick to your guns! You treat people how to treat you. Don't be nice to him or sleep with him until he has fully apologized for what a insensitive jerk he was and he has made it up to you.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Of all the men on this board i can tell you that i am the father of triplets and then another after that.....i can tell you that my wife looked fantastic before pregnancy and now 20 years later looks even better......but NEVER after the birth of our girls did once say anything about how she looked, to me looked wonderful, and our last child was our first weekend away in year of having the triplets....and between much needed sleep i would constantly be wanting my wife. whether your husband has a case of depression or not, his words were not called for.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Sorry - you REJECTED him?? wtf. What do you mean, 'mentally' you couldn't do it?
> 
> Time to sh!t or get off the pot here.


I mean the first thing men will throw out if a husband isn't up to performance is "work stress." But your partner being a total douchecanoe and threatening to cheat on you shouldn't have an effect?

I'm guessing what she means is the thought of having sex with someone who has put it out there they've actively considered cheating on you and have no problem just casually using that as a weapon in a conversation is revolting. And then for them to just act like everything is fine doesn't make that comment disappear. It's red flag central. 

Sorry, if this was a male poster and he commented how his wife had casually threatened to cheat on him, this BS would be a labeled a "$h!t test" and men would be crawling out of the woodwork to recommend exactly what to do with it. And they'd likely comment that she's probably cheated already or come close to it, when you are at the stage of verbalizing your justification for cheating to your spouse you've gone past the casually thinking about it zone and might already have someone lined up. VAR in her car, randomly show up at her work.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Either sleep with him or divorce him, is what I meant. If you don't want to have sex with him then get rid of him. Which is what I think you need to do anyways. Really, withholding sex is just childish.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> Of course she rejected him! That is the right thing to do. *He has a lot of making up to do* if he wants in her pants now.


I don't like this recommendation. Rejecting your partner is what you do after you have given up on the marriage. Withholding sex to get even is childish and perhaps an even bigger breaking of the marriage vows. If you don't want to have sex with him, tell him that and why. But, whatever you do, I would not play games and start lying to get even. Being inauthentic is destructive and counterproductive.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Nobody is playing games. It's near impossible to want to have sex with ur husband after this treatment. I'm sorry but it is not ok to let your husband make you feel bad about yourself, and say super hurtful things and make you insecure then go have sex with him.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

It's not withholding sex. It's choosing not having sex with him because you don't FEEL like it. This is not childish. I get that he is still her husband but you always need to have some self respect.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> Nobody is playing games. It's near impossible to want to have sex with ur husband after this treatment. I'm sorry but it is not ok to let your husband make you feel bad about yourself, and say super hurtful things and make you insecure then go have sex with him.


Of course it's impossible to want to have sex with him after what he did. That's the whole point. If she DID want to have sex with him there'd be a problem. But the fact that he did what he did and that isn't being addressed by either him or her is the REAL problem here. What she SHOULD be doing is kicking his a$$ to the curb, not just withholding sex!! Withholding sex is something people do when they don't want to address the REAL problem. So yes, withholding sex IS playing games.


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## triplelove (Sep 15, 2016)

I'' not playing games. It disgusted me that after him telling me how he felt about me physically just days later he felt ok to try to have sex with me. I never reject my husband this was the first. We spoke about it the next day and he understood why I said no and even though it did hurt him he wasn't upset. He has aplogized for the things hes said to me.


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

Glad to see you talked about it not just reject.


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## GreyEcho (Sep 28, 2016)

I think your husband is being very selfish and self centered. He should be supporting you and working on solutions that make you happy and get your confidence back up!! Shame on Him


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

triplelove said:


> He has aplogized for the things hes said to me.


So what?? If you believe he's actually sorry, then you believe he doesn't mean what he says (is that you're gross), therefore how the hell can you believe he's sorry????? DO YOU SEE the position he has put you in here?

He has all but TOLD you he is going to cheat on you (if he hasn't already) and you're going to accept that he's SORRY?!?!?!?

I have no words.


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## lisamaree (Nov 2, 2014)

tripod said:


> Wow. I guess I just stumbled into Mr. Rogers' Compassion Corner.
> 
> By the OP's postings, here's a guy who is and has been for the length of their relationship clinically depressed, has tried to kill himself twice and remains suicidal.
> 
> ...


There's nothing wrong with telling your spouse you want them to lose weight.

*THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH THREATENING TO CHEAT ON THEM THOUGH.* 

Let me tell you - I am not stranger to mental illness. I myself have deep depression and anxiety issues. I've been on anti-depressants for a good portion of my life. It does not give me a free ticket to emotionally blackmail my husband to get what I want.


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## lisamaree (Nov 2, 2014)

OP,

Your husband is extremely immature. There is nothing wrong with him having a discussion with you about losing weight. But there is a problem with him blackmailing you with infidelity. To tell you that he is going to cheat on you if you do not do what he wants?

And no, I don't buy the assumption that depression gives him a "free ticket" to be a jerk. 

So you aren't the perfect "eye candy" that you were for him before you had three of his children. But you are working hard to lose the weight. After having two of my own children I can tell you that the body never goes back to what it was before, that's my experience.

If my husband ever told me that if I didn't lose weight he was going to cheat on me, I would instantly lose a lot of faith in the marriage. I would have to ask myself if he could already be having an affair. Most likely he is just manipulating you but I would have to wonder if he was also trying to make himself believe that such a thing would be justified.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Daisy12 said:


> Tell you husband when he stops being an a**hole, you'll start losing the weight.


i am going to buck the trend here and suggest you just lose the darned weight without any ultimatums. That is, if you want your marriage to survive. Some men can handle some extra weight, some guys absolutely can not. Your husband is the type that can not. But you probably knew that already about him, so it should not be a surprise he is turned off now. The MOST you can do is tell him you are joining a gym and getting a trainer, and it will cost him some money!


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