# Need some advice



## someguyga (Mar 25, 2013)

Hey all,

So, made a post a couple months back (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/70177-sex-just-about-gone.html)

Still having same issue. We've talked and tried to fix it, but I just can't figure out why we're not having sex. She's said she's still very much attracted to me, not mad at me, and it's just a problem on her end and doesn't know why she doesn't want it as much as I do. I'm not saying I need it every single day, 3 times a day, etc. I'd be happy with two or three times a week to be honest, but once a month or once every 6 weeks is just... maddeningly frustrating. Feeling utterly defeated and enraged.

I've talked to her and tried a number of fixes - having it scheduled on certain days, trying to have it early in the morning when we get up, codewords to say "hey, let's go". Just... nothing. We still love on each other and cuddle and such, but it's just the sex is almost never there. 

I don't know if I'm just not bringing the right questions, but it's been a year since this started and honestly I'm pretty fed up with it. Hoping you guys might be able to help direct me in how to approach this issue as I'm completely lost now. 

This post might seem vague, so any questions, feel free.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Are you initiating?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Go to Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. and run the Marriage Action (or Mindful Attraction) Plan (MAP).

Good luck.


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## someguyga (Mar 25, 2013)

I try to initiate every couple of days - she brought up a time or two that it's like I want sex all the time, isn't necessarily true but not looking to hound her about it. But typically get blown off almost as though it's not a serious thing, or if in bed "trying to sleep" or similar.

Will look into the book.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

I know you asked the guys but thought I would pop in and recommend a book called "woman code". It deals with hormonal imbalance in women from a holistic approach. Basically diet and exercise to balance out hormones. It deals with low libido as well. My sister just bought it for this very reason.


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## 4understanding (Oct 23, 2011)

I went through the same senario a few years back. Turns out my ex-wife was sexually abused as a child and it started coming to the surface.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

In addition to what FemBot suggests, it can take direct intervention to balance hormones. Most doctors will just test, see if the levels are "in normal range" and if so, do nothing more. Normal can be far from optimal! If you have a hormone specialist near you who will strive for optimal health, see if you can get her to go. It is likely that they would also test cortisol levels to see if there are stress factors, and also adrenals, etc.

Also keep in mind that if estrogen is low, it may not be a good idea to raise it as it can raise cancer risks - that would depend on family history as well as certain genetic markers.

She may be happy with a greatly reduced sex life, so she may find it difficult to motivate herself to do anything about it. Hopefully, her concern over your unhappiness will at least be sufficient motivation to look for solutions.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

I think I may have been 21 or 22 when I had been on the pill for about a year. My drive went WAY down. I still had sex with my H whenever he wanted anyway and for 2 years manage to carry on but it was HARD. After 2 years I got off the pill to try and get pregnant so sex was basically to conceive. Somewhere in that first year after getting off the pill I realize my drive was back and even a little higher than before. Took me a minute to realize the pill was the difference.

One thing I will add is that it was getting started that was the hard part during my low drive period. In the midst of having sex I would almost always start to enjoy it


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