# I must learn to accept



## Stuck11 (Jun 12, 2013)

We have been married for 12 years. Have a wonderful 8 year old daughter. Looking back at our life together I realize the warning signs were there and that it's my own fault that I got into this situation in the first place. Even though I don't think my husband has ever had an affair he came close to having one while I was pregnant. He's always had a way of bending the truth a bit. And was never very helpful or supportive to me. Five years ago my husband started his own business. I was dead against it in the first place, also told him so but promised that I would be supportive. Over the next several years the business went through ups and downs. lots of downs. More than ones it was due to the fact that my husband would not listen to my advice. I have made huge loans to keep the business and our lifes going. The business is not failing and has great potential if managed right.But also not capable of paying me back real soon.

I work for 4 companies and earn a very good salary. We have a reasonably good life. I am very supportive and are always there for my family. Life could be good if not for a couple of problems.

My husband is not supportive of me at all. Hardly listens to me and not in the least interested in my work, my plans, my dreams, my problems - my anything. He is always chatting on his phone to somebody. Asking him for help around the house is met with promises that never realize. 

I am going for an operation in two weeks time, even trying to discuss that with him ended up in him a huge argument. I tried to show him what the operation involves and he did not even listen, was watching movie clips on his phone. Totally unsupportive.

I would have left him years ago but due to the huge loan I have to pay and the fact that I am the one that financially runs the business I am stuck. Leaving will mean the business WILL fail, we will loose everything, house, cars, everything. I am not that young anymore and will never recover financially after a loss like that. Plus my daughter does not deserve what will follow.

So I stay. I work my butt off, try to ask for nothing but give everything in return. I have spoken to my husband on several occassions, have even threatened to leave but he knows I won't. He knows I cannot leave. I have no where to go, no family and I don't share our private life with friends.

All I can do is learn to accept my fate at least for the next few years. If all goes well the loan will be paid off in 5 years and hopefully then we can sell the house, pay off that loan and I can move on. I am not in the least interested to get married again so its not like I want to move on to be with someone else. I am stuck, either loose everything I worked for my whole life or carry on like it is now. Husband is not going to change, he has promised that toooo often without anything changing.

All I want is to try and accept my life and my fate and to not give up. For my daughter.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Why can't he leave?


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## Stuck11 (Jun 12, 2013)

He will not leave. I also can't afford the house alone. Financially we need both salaries to cope.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Don't you think this is why he takes advantage of you? Can you find a partner for the business?


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## Stuck11 (Jun 12, 2013)

I still love my husband and I think he still loves me, he just loves himself alot more than he loves me.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

What have you done to work on your marriage? Have you tried marital counseling? Have you heard of the 180?


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## Stuck11 (Jun 12, 2013)

Can't get a partner, the business does okay but is not big enough to support 2 partners. Yes he takes advantage of me because of the situation. The answer is either I am prepared to loose everything or accept being taken advantage of, he knows that, i know that.


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## Stuck11 (Jun 12, 2013)

Tried counceling. I made him go with me. Did not work. Got lots of promises and no deliveries. Don't know the 180.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

IF he takes advantage of you, stop letting him. Start acting as though you are single. He does his own laundry, own food, own everything. He won't change until his life is less comfortable.


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## ALotOnMyMind (Jun 15, 2013)

If I were you, I would start a search for a good lawyer or two. Divorce lawyer and business lawyer. Meet with them in secret; do not tell your husband. 

Also, do not act like there is no other option. There are always options which will not ruin your life. You must find them; talking to good lawyers will help you explore options which you may not know exist. Don't give up.


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## Fallen Leaf (May 27, 2013)

Why is divorce always an option so easily?

Stuck11, like mablenc said, he is taking advantage of you. What would you do if your child is always asking for things, toys, junk, money, etc? Would you willingly let her have what she wants? Yeah, your husband is acting like a spoiled baby. You either continue feeding his spoiledness or you stand your ground but don't complain if you choose to spoil him. I know you're afraid to lose everything but that's the consequence and for some reason the consequence is much more difficult for you to bare then standing your ground. I personally would stand my ground, lose everything if so, and start over stronger.

Seriously, it looks like he is your teenage son: talks to his friends, ignores you, doesn't support you (what kid does, or even understand what this is all about?), works but needs your money, on and on.


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