# got a letter from her lawyer



## 2005tahoe (Aug 23, 2013)

Apparently when my wife left she didnt take any of her winter coats with her. I got a letter from my lawyer asking me to schedule a time for my STBEW to come by the house and pick some of her stuff up. It also said that her mother would be coming with her. The last time she came by I had to call the cops to protect myself so they couldnt say that I did something to them while they were moving some of her things out.

My thought is to get a list of what she wants and have it setting in the garage. She still has one of the garage door remotes. 

Keep in mind that my Ex has made this separation extremely difficult and is not working with me on anything in this.

Of course it is a request and I could say no but what would the point in doing that?

I dont trust them in the house now and deffinately dont care to see her mom. SHe is so evil that she could plant something here to get me in trouble.

Whats your take on this and what would you do?


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

2005tahoe said:


> Apparently when my wife left she didnt take any of her winter coats with her. I got a letter from my lawyer asking me to schedule a time for my STBEW to come by the house and pick some of her stuff up. It also said that her mother would be coming with her. The last time she came by I had to call the cops to protect myself so they couldnt say that I did something to them while they were moving some of her things out.
> 
> My thought is to get a list of what she wants and have it setting in the garage. She still has one of the garage door remotes.
> 
> ...


Why don't you just volunteer to load up ALL her stuff and take it to her... or a 3rd location?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

2005tahoe said:


> Apparently when my wife left she didnt take any of her winter coats with her. I got a letter from my lawyer asking me to schedule a time for my STBEW to come by the house and pick some of her stuff up. It also said that her mother would be coming with her. The last time she came by I had to call the cops to protect myself so they couldnt say that I did something to them while they were moving some of her things out.
> 
> My thought is to get a list of what she wants and have it setting in the garage. She still has one of the garage door remotes.
> 
> ...


Pack up everything of hers and put it in a rented storage unit. Use a combination lock and pay just the first month, then send the lawyer the address, unit number, combination and the date she has to have it all out to avoid further charges. Let the lawyer know she is not welcome in your house or anywhere on the property and if she or any of her ilk show up you'll call the police.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I know that when I finally get to retrieve the balance of my physical property from my XW and our former home, I had asked that her brother be sent there as an intermediary. XW rejected that because she is somewhat on "the outs" with him and that he remains friendly with me.

She has voluntarily offered to hire a uniformed peace officer to walk through the house with me, and permitting me to color-code-label things that are mine, and she would go through later to verify ownership.

Trust me, I will be there quite a while, insuring that her peace officer friend racks up several hours, all at her expense!

What-me-worry? She suggested it as she doesn't want her brother there for some strange reason; if that is truly the case, then she can well afford it!*


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Firstly, _speak to your own lawyer about your concerns_. 

You might also stipulate that that you would prefer someone other than her mother to accompany her. Also, by the sounds of things it would be very wise to have someone else present when your W comes to your house, and I wouldn't leave your W and whoever accompanies her unattended at any time.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Get the list and have her sign for them before they are removed to protect yourself. And get that remote or else change the code.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Just because the attorney sent the letter doesn't mean anything. I received plenty of these letters from my stbxw asking for the silliest little things out of the house. 

Then a letter asking not to pack her items as some are "delicate" and need special packing. They should have sent the letter to your attorney, not directly to you. You can just avoid the letter if you choose to, they can always spend money and go to court and ask for an order to retrieve certain items if they wish. 

Or inform them that all the stuff is packed ready to go and make it a package deal, it all goes or none goes. Its an open invitation to allow her stop with her mother as a witness for a fight or drama. They may also want in the home to look around see valuables etc they may have forgotten about. 

Mine wanted her shorts out of the home as it was summer, so I packed all her clothes and had them in the driveway to pick up. She didn't like that I had it ALL ready and in driveway so she used her car to tear up the lawn. Guess she got the last laugh on me. Doing it piece by piece will be asking for nothing but problems in the long run. If you can the storage facility works well. Im not because of how are temp order was written up but the less she can roam around the house and create chaos in yours the better off you will be. 

Make sure that anything that is given to her is documented. I ran into the problem of her thinking something was still in the house and I know she removed it already.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Your lawyers response should be to coordinate a time that your STBX can come over and make one final retrieval of personal items. Assets that may be part of property division should not be considered part of this without good documentation. She should provide to you a listing of expected items prior so those items are identified, agreed upon and can be rounded up ahead of time. 

You should have a witness present. If your state is a one-party recording state you should have a digital voice recorder, MP3 player, what have you, ,recording from the time they arrive to the time they are out of view. Do NOT engage in any baiting games. Photograph everything to note it's condition at the time it leaves. A video recorder is handy here as well. 

If the local PD has been out for domestic calls already and is familiar with a toxic situation, they may be willing to send a patrolmen out to help facilitate and keep peace. More likely if you're in a smaller community.

*** By "Final Retrieval" I mean that she will come and get items. She will leave. She will not return after that for items until the court has finalized a division of assets and ordered you to release more items. No more nickle and dime tactics. This is her ability to bait you and antagonize you until you get pissed and say/do something to give her the golden egg.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If you are indeed duly represented by legal counsel, then her lawyer has absolutely no right to correspond with you in any shape, form, or fashion, provided that your lawyer has consented to let them do that, or you have notified the court that you are coming before the court as pro se, or representing yourself.

And I seriously doubt that this is the case. Please get this letter to your lawyer immediately so he can offer it to the court. Her lawyer can get his backside severely sanctioned by the presiding judge for doing this!*


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> *If you are indeed duly represented by legal counsel, then her lawyer has absolutely no right to correspond with you in any shape, form, or fashion, provided that your lawyer has consented to let them do that, or you have notified the court that you are coming before the court as pro se, or representing yourself.
> 
> And I seriously doubt that this is the case. Please get this letter to your lawyer immediately so he can offer it to the court. Her lawyer can get his backside severely sanctioned by the presiding judge for doing this!*


Listen to this OP. The reason we hire laywers is to protect your rights and worth their weight in gold when dealing with high conflict divorces. 

Given your history with her, you need to limit your presence with her to avoid any false allegations of violence and personal and property damage. A friend of mine when to pick up some of his belonging (against his attoryneys advice) and he told him fine, it's all in the garage. He went through and he asked her about some missing items and a verbal argument ensued. She called the cops and she claimed he hit her. Friend of mine swear he never touched her but the cops simply told him to leave or face arrest. He was lucky that day. Will you be as lucky?


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## 2005tahoe (Aug 23, 2013)

I emailed the lawyer this morning telling her that I was uncomfortable with my EX and her mother coming in the house and that I didnt want her mother on my property. I have told my lawyer that her stuff would be in the garage on friday and that I would be a safe distance from the house with a county cop to sit with me, so they cant say that I did anything to them while they were there.

Any more advice?

I have a court order from the judge giving me temporary order of the house. Plus, she signed a restraint order against me for some reason when she left me. I have never been violent with her or anyone for that fact, I dunno why she would do that.

Whos to say that if she was allowed in that she wouldnt plant something illegal in the house or put a voice recorder somewhere, not that im doing anything wrong, just being protective of whats mine.


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## 2005tahoe (Aug 23, 2013)

Ok, I got an email back from my lawyer. She advised me to contact my wife and get a list of stuff that she wants and when to meet her with it. I have a problem, she has changed her cell phone number and will not answer my emails, plus she has a restraining order against me. I have no way to contact her and her mom hangs up on me when I tried to call her months ago. 

So, how can I give her belongings back to her when shes not communicating with me over anything?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

2005tahoe said:


> Ok, I got an email back from my lawyer. She advised me to contact my wife and get a list of stuff that she wants and when to meet her with it. I have a problem, she has changed her cell phone number and will not answer my emails, plus she has a restraining order against me. I have no way to contact her and her mom hangs up on me when I tried to call her months ago.
> 
> So, how can I give her belongings back to her when shes not communicating with me over anything?


*That being the case, then your lawyer must contact her lawyer as your proper legal communication protocol! They'll have to work it out, at both the expense of you and your wife.

But that's largely why they are in business! To make money off of you!

Sorry! But I like the earlier storage locker answer just a whole lot better!*


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Ship her stuff to her mother. Send a certified letter to her at mom's (or her work) as well, with a list of what you could not ship, and advise her that if she does not contact you by email regarding the items left, you will be taking them to the nearest Goodwill in 30 days.

Or... you could drop it all off at her lawyers office.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Quit playing cat and mouse with her lawyer. You cannot meet with her with a TRO in effect. If she refuses to communicate with you that is not your fault. Do not meet even thought her lawyer suggested it. That seems like a set-up to me.

Do as one poster suggested. Pack up everything belonging to her and put it in a local storage unit with one of two months paid. Send the combination of the lock to her lawyer BY DELIVERY CONFIRMATION REQUIRED" OR "DELIVERY SIGNATURE REQUIRED" MAIL. Remember - you got a letter from her lawyer - your response should also be in the form of a letter - not a phone call, email or text.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

2005tahoe said:


> Ok, I got an email back from my lawyer. She advised me to contact my wife and get a list of stuff that she wants and when to meet her with it. I have a problem, she has changed her cell phone number and will not answer my emails, plus she has a restraining order against me. I have no way to contact her and her mom hangs up on me when I tried to call her months ago.
> 
> So, how can I give her belongings back to her when shes not communicating with me over anything?


I think you have to speak to your attorney instead of TAM. You need proper legal advice on everything but I do encourage you to NOT allow her to be on the property, at least while you are present.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

2005tahoe said:


> Ok, I got an email back from my lawyer. She advised me to contact my wife and get a list of stuff that she wants and when to meet her with it. I have a problem, she has changed her cell phone number and will not answer my emails, plus she has a restraining order against me. I have no way to contact her and her mom hangs up on me when I tried to call her months ago.
> 
> So, how can I give her belongings back to her when shes not communicating with me over anything?


You remind your lawyer that there is an Order of Protection that prevents you from contacting her. Your lawyer can get the list from the other side and coordinate. 

You DO NOT violate the order of protection. But you also DO NOT allow them into the home if you have an order from court granting you sole use. You NEED TO re-code your garage door opener and change locks if you haven't.

You DO NOT give any property to any third party, such as her mother. Anyone other than yourself, your STBX and both lawyers(and any other court officers) are Legal Strangers. You give stuff to your STBX-MIL and next thing you'll hear is "where is my stuff?" in an accusation of improper disposal of property.

That said - When is the hearing for the order of protection and how come that hasn't been dropped/dismissed? Never ignore one of those. You need to have it heard and dropped.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Tell the attorney that she threw everything in the fire along with your heart when she ripped it out of your chest. 

Seriously, I would not let her in your garage. 

Take it to her attorney's office and get a receipt.

Unless, she had the attorney file a restraining order against you at their office as well.


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## 2005tahoe (Aug 23, 2013)

Im just going to ship it to her address UPS signature required and be done with it. Its soo stupid for her to act like she is acting.


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