# He left tonight



## berries (Nov 4, 2013)

Well, looks like I am making my way through these forums rapidly. He left 4 days before Christmas, he will not see the kids for Christmas and today marks the 9th anniversary of the day we had to take my dad off of life support.

I wish I could say this doesn't hurt. How on earth do you make it through the first night?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

{{HUGS}} I'm so sorry for you and your family. I wish I had advice. Turn to your family for comfort and strength.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Well, why would you want such an as$hole in your life! You deserve better, I'm sorry you are here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## berries (Nov 4, 2013)

I shouldn't want him in my life. It is hard to erase 21 years though. I am mostly sad for my kids. I wanted them to have so much more.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Think of your life as improving going forward. Yes, the timing is bad a few days before Christmas. I won't pretend it doesn't take a lot of strength. It certainly does. But it can be done.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

The first night is very hard. My stbxh left after being married for 24&1/2 years. I looked back on your original thread the difference between you and I was I had no warning.
He came home from work, called me out to the car and told me he was leaving. There's more to it but I'm not going to go into it on your thread. I have threads here that explain it all.

I called my mother and she and my brother were here within an hour. My kids are older so we closed ranks and leaned on each other.
I barely slept that night. I couldn't go into our bed since we literally slept in there the night before. I fell asleep on the couch. My son on the loveseat across the room.

The next morning I woke up and pictures came down, pillows replaced, bed torn down and sheets washed and all his things bagged up and put in the garage. 

I'm not going to lie, the first night is hard, especially around the holidays, mine left January 2nd. See if family or friends can come over. Get on the phone and talk to family and friends. Watch something ridiculous on tv. I spent the night watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo - it was mind numbing and the only show with no triggers.

I will tell you this, even though you won't believe me right now. Things will and do get better. Please try to believe that. Keep posting here. This place is wonderful and supportive. It has helped me tremendously. I have met some absolutely fantastic people on here. ((Hugs)) to you.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Try taking something to help you sleep, it will do you no good to stay up crying. Take care of yourself and kids. Make most of what you have even if it's hard. Your kids will grow up and say, "my dad left us right before Christmas, but our mother still managed to save it". I know it's hard and I can't even begin to imagine the pain, but you will be happy again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## berries (Nov 4, 2013)

Luckily, I already have a therapy appointment set up for Monday. That may be my saving grace. I have my kids around me and my mom will drop everything if I need her to. She lives about 10 minutes away.

I may do Christmas on Christmas Eve. My oldest son works overnights and he has to Work the night of Christmas but he has off on Christmas Eve. So it will be easier on his schedule to do it a day early and since we are past the Santa stage, I may just make a CHristmas Eve dinner and then give the kids their gifts.

I had bought my husband a $475 italian leather jacket. I think I am going to return it. I can use the money.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Yes do that. Nothing bothered me more than the fact that he collected all his gifts an then left. 
Changing Christmas up wil be good for you too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kindone (Mar 14, 2013)

BIG HUG. Sorry you are here. It's a tough journey but it does get easier but do all on your friends and family when you need them and this forum is wonderful. This is how selfish and low our husbands/partners are; leaving your family at any time is bad but just before Christmas is unjustifiable mine left nearly 7 weeks ago. I will say though, if you need to cry please do so and pain gets more bearable too. Yes you will have some odd days and eventually you will reach an acceptance stage then no more tears.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

((((((((berries))))))))

Definitely return that jacket.

Your kids are learning things that will make them more understanding, compassionate people than they would have been otherwise. That is what difficulties offer to us, anyway-- a chance to grow.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

berries said:


> Luckily, I already have a therapy appointment set up for Monday. That may be my saving grace. I have my kids around me and my mom will drop everything if I need her to. She lives about 10 minutes away.
> 
> I may do Christmas on Christmas Eve. My oldest son works overnights and he has to Work the night of Christmas but he has off on Christmas Eve. So it will be easier on his schedule to do it a day early and since we are past the Santa stage, I may just make a CHristmas Eve dinner and then give the kids their gifts.
> 
> I had bought my husband a $475 italian leather jacket. I think I am going to return it. I can use the money.


Buy yourself something nice.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

smallsteps said:


> Yes do that. Nothing bothered me more than the fact that he collected all his gifts an then left.
> Changing Christmas up wil be good for you too
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We celebrated Christmas and all I got was moldy bagels.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Conrad said:


> We celebrated Christmas and all I got was moldy bagels.


Lol sorry about that Conrad . Actually I'm not even sure if he's going to see them for Christmas. Oh well his loss.

Sorry for the hijack berries. The bagels are an inside joke from my thread. Feel free to read it. It's amazing how my life went from complete sadness and devistation in January to where I am now. I am amused by the absurdity of the situation. 

I'm sure you will get there too in time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

The first night I slept like a baby because we'd talked for 3 hours and drunk a bottle of brandy whilst doing so. But then my insomnia started properly and I probably didn't sleep more than three or four hours a night for the next six months. 

Nothing anyone can say will take the pain away or make you feel better, it's about you and how you live through it. Try and make it as normal as possible for the kids but remember that he's the one that's done this, not you. Use the support you have available and if it means collapsing in bed in tears when everyone has gone to sleep well, that's ok too 

It's a cliché but it really does get easier every day - easy to say when I'm out the other side, when you're in it it's all consuming.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

So sorry! What a tool your pathetic STBX is! Your kids will see it and the fact that he doesn't even want to spend Xmas with them- they will remember. Return the jacket and retain a good lawyer. Take him for all he's worth (although he is morally worthless!)


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