# guy's please



## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

hello, just wanted a guys opinion on why stbx acts like he can still control me. a little history, him 45 me 43 he asked for divorce in jan, we went to mc in nov cause he said we had problems, only thing he could tell the c was I didnt rinse out the shower. I said thats all u got he said yup. we never fought much because i was passive nothing really bothered me, i mean he went clubbing with his friend everyother sat and didnt bother me, we have a 6 yr old son. i am a stay at home mom and always had everything done and taken care of. our sex life was excellent I thought, i mean I did everything, mabey I did to much and he got bored becuase when we came home from the c one nite i asked him what that was all about and he said our sex life is boring,(I have a bag of toys and believe me I did everything) he said to me he wanted to join a sex group, i was shocked as i did everthing but i drew the line there. anyway so he called me late jan and asked me for a divorce, I didnt beg cry or plead with him i said fine I wont degrade myself begging, I dont want him back if i have to beg, I was sad for a week and a half and then my son snapped me out of it, I had to be strong for him, it would be him and i now. so i picked myself up and went on. always looking at good as i did while we were together, he never seen me cry i wasnt *****y, i went out with friends, im moving on without him this is his choice. anyway found out later he hd gf, fine with this to, i figure he wasnt happy i couldnt make him happy, and i am not mad at gf cause if it wasnt her it would have been someone else. but stbx is nuts, he was told by both our attns not to call here but twice a day to speak to son, he was calling all day and i mean 5 times in a row 101 103 104 and soon. i still live in the maritial home until it sells, and he pops in all the time, he dropped son off the other day and hung around, said by to son but proceded to follow us up the driveway when i went out to ride bikes with son. then he got into his car and parked it on the street and watched us from his rearview mirror. he still continues to call all the time while son is at school, i dont usually answer, today i did the second time he called, he says where were you i just called, i said shower, he goes on to say you smoke to much, andrew tells me sometimes you smoke alot, i doubt he does, and he said how much are you smoking i said none of your business. really what the hell does this guy want from me, i let him go and all he does is bust my balls. he calls for the stupidest reasons after he was told not to by his own attn. is this just his loving the control. he said he was only worried about my health with the smoking. i ended up just hanging up on him. he wants to still know everything i do. when i am in a good mood it seems to kill him and he hangs around more. I am truely done with him, and if he wanted out with his gf(there not living together) then why not leave me alone????? just wanted an opinion from a guy. thanks


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

#1 - stop talking to him. Your attorney told you not to, listen to him (or her).

#2 - It doesn't sound like he's controlling you. You seem to be in control of yourself now. Congrats.

#3 - Stop smoking, for your son's sake.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Easy diagnosis: You married a selfish, controlling, potentially abusive person. Possibly just an immature moron, could be a sociopath. Change the locks on the door. Make firm, reasonable arrangements for him to see the child (once a week for a few hours, or every other weekend, etc). Set a firm, reasonable time for him to call his child once a day. Inform him that he's going to jail for stalking, trespassing, or telephone harassment if he violates the rules. You can also pursue a restraining order. What you do is not his concern. If he asks, tell him so. If you have a garage, park your car inside it and lock it. These controlling types don't like to be told "no". I would assume that the idiot will cross any boundary put before him and make appropriate plans to deal with it when he does. Keep a diary handy and write down each contact or attempt. That information is handy if you need to persuade a judge to issue a restraining order or as evidence in a stalking charge. He sees and feels no boundaries or restraint. You must be firm in your mind that you will protect yourself and your child at all costs.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

Thank you for your responses. I havent been answering the phone. He left a couple messages today but I just erased them. my son didnt have sholld today so we took off early for the library. he is very arrogant, thinks the laws do not apply to him, must be because he was brought up with money and could have anything he wanted, I have started a log of the phone calls. He has a gf so I wish he would just leave us alone. I wish i knew who she was I would have her straighten his ass out. In the beginning I kinda liked it as I guess I wanted him back, but now I am over that I just want to be left alone. I am hoping things will change when this friggin house sells and I get my own place. He really thinks he is doing nothing wrong. I will quit smoking once this is over, I did quit last yr for 9 months but started again because of his stress. I think my moving on is the biggest thing bothering him. his mother was a basket case when she was going through her divorce and stbx was 13 I think so he seen it and i guess thats what he thought I would be. crying to him begging laying around not taking care of my son for a couple yrs, like his mother did. she was so bad she put the hose in her husbands car and filled it with water, she spray painted his house, she was at the police station all the time, with the boys. so they seen the way she acted he must have assumed I would fall apart and give in to all his demands. He is still trying as of last week to settle this out of court because he dont want to lose the money he is going to lose. his father is a big influence on him and i know his dad prob said she is weak and stupid offer her a condo and 10 grand and she will take it. screw that im stronger than they all thought, I want everything. there will be plenty leftover for him as I know he hid alot of his cash. just praying for the market to get a little better so this house sells and I can really move on.


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## Frost (Aug 2, 2010)

It sounds like it is definitely eating him up that you are not crying and broken up that he left. This is very common with control freaks, and is exactly how my ex reacted when she opted to leave and I didn't beg her to stay.

If money is not an issue, I would suggest getting out of the house asap. As long as you are there he will not leave you alone, and changing the locks won't help. If he still has his name on the mortgage or can provide any documentation that he lives there (driver's license, utility bill, etc.) a locksmith will simply let him in if he says he lost his key and probably make him a key at the same time.


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