# Confused and in need of help



## I love my kids (Apr 9, 2014)

Hello there everyone, I am here for some advice. I will try to make my story brief. I am 34 and my wife is 30, we have been together 8 years and married almost 5, we have a son who is soon to be 4 and a 1 year old daughter. For almost two years now we have been struggling financially, have borrowed money from my folks a few times and are behind on several bills. As you might guess when ever money talk starts the fighting starts. I work full time and she stays home with the kids. It just seems that no matter what we do there isn't enough money and thus we are always fighting. She claims to be looking for work as a babysitter to bring in money but every time she finds something she finds something wrong with it. Today we were involved in one of our all too regular fights and she told me the last job offer which would bring in about 150 a week was no good because it didn't pay enough. I got really upset about this as in my mind 150 a week is something, better than 0 a week. 
Well the fighting about money turned into fighting about everything and she told me she was very unhappy being married to me and she was taking the kids to her parents for the night. I know she tells her mom everything but I feel she puts a spin on it to make me the bad guy who is picking on her. To be honest I am unhappy too and have been for a while. I just don't know what to do anymore. I love my kids and don't want to only see them every once in a while but I don't know if staying married is a good idea. My wife points out all the time that we shouldn't fight in front of the kids and I agree 100% but when the kids aren't around I can't usually get her to even acknowledge I am in the room. She usually say she just needs time to relax and not be stressed.
I know she works hard as a stay at home mom but I work my butt off to provide for the family as we'll. unfortunately it seems that I can't make enought money to get us out of the hole. I ask if here are things we can cut back on for a while but I never get any constructive ideas. Usually what I get is a sigh and the in tears she will tell me how she will go back to work full time and we will have to find daycare but then all her money will go to daycare and it is pointless.
I guess what I am looking for advice wise is where to go from here. She is unhappy I am unhappy and we are broke. I don't want to be away from my kids but I don't want to constantly fight with my wife. Any suggestions?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Look into something like the Dave Ramsey courses? Find some financial counselling help? Cause if you think you're broke now, wait till you see how you feel when you're paying spousal and child support, as well as another household. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## I love my kids (Apr 9, 2014)

PBear said:


> Look into something like the Dave Ramsey courses? Find some financial counselling help? Cause if you think you're broke now, wait till you see how you feel when you're paying spousal and child support, as well as another household.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for the advice. Problem is that it seems that no matter how much money we have we need more. I guess I am in for it if we separate but I also don't know if all the money in the world will help our marriage. I have asked her about going to marriage counseling regarding our other, non financial issues but she has refused saying she is not the "counciling type". I guess I should have included that the money issues are just one of our issues. To be brief there is next to no intimacy, no matter what I do around the house it is not enough or done wrong, she feels that I am a control freak but will not let me make any decision regarding our kids. I could go on but most of you get the point by now. So I guess I am up a creek. Separating will leave me more broke and staying the way it is now will make me more crazy, bitter, and unhappy.


----------



## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

I'd put money up there as one of the top reasons for marriages crumbling apart. If you had extra cash on hand, highly doubtful your wife would be feeling this way. 

Separation or divorce will be the worst thing for you in my opinion. I would look at your finances well and see how you can trim expenses. There is always something that isn't necessary to have. 

How far do her parents live? Maybe they can help watch the children? Have your wife enter the work force even if it means part time. When she finds something she enjoys, she will feel some self worth.

You're in a tough situation but gut it out if you want to save your marriage.


----------



## I love my kids (Apr 9, 2014)

Alpha said:


> I'd put money up there as one of the top reasons for marriages crumbling apart. If you had extra cash on hand, highly doubtful your wife would be feeling this way.
> 
> Separation or divorce will be the worst thing for you in my opinion. I would look at your finances well and see how you can trim expenses. There is always something that isn't necessary to have.
> 
> ...


Her parents and my parents both live about 30 minutes away. But they all still work full time. One of our problems is my work schedule rotates every week. I am a police officer and my hours change every week. She as gotten job offers where she could work from home and others that would allow her to bring our children. All offers are in childcare which is what she says she wants. One was actually at a preschool and the school said our children could go at a highly discounted rate when she worked. Each time she has found a reason why the job wouldn't work. Sometimes I feel that she only appliesnfrnjobs son she can say that she did but that she truly doesn't want to find something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

She's scared to work, probably was raised sheltered. You're in law enforcement, you need to lay down the law in your own house. Take charge and convince her without being too forceful that she needs to take that job. Tell her that your marriage needs it and that she will find work to be fulfilling.


----------

