# Stay at home dad?



## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

Hello guys,
Any stay at home dads or husbands in this group? 
Looking to hear what your day-to-day schedule is. What do you do to keep busy and not loose yourself.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

If I were a stay at home dad, I'd make a schedule out and put a deadline on everything.
There is a principle in the work place that, if you want to get something done, give it to the busiest person.
They know how best to manage their time to get work done.
My reward, for filling out a schedule would be whatever time is left over is my time.
There is a saying that tasks take as long as the time one has to do that task.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> If I were a stay at home dad, I'd make a schedule out and put a deadline on everything.
> There is a principle in the work place that, if you want to get something done, give it to the busiest person.
> They know how best to manage their time to get work done.
> My reward, for filling out a schedule would be whatever time is left over is my time.
> There is a saying that tasks take as long as the time one has to do that task.


Thank you!


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I am both the breadwinner AND the stay at home parent. It gets hectic sometimes but I make sure that I make time for myself.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> I am both the breadwinner AND the stay at home parent. It gets hectic sometimes but I make sure that I make time for myself.


How do you manage to do both? Are you the husband or wife? What does your spouse do?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Kamerlytan said:


> How do you manage to do both? Are you the husband or wife? What does your spouse do?


After I divorced the XW I got full custody of the kids. Managing isn't always easy but I do what I have too. Having a cleaning service come in twice a week helped.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> After I divorced the XW I got full custody of the kids. Managing isn't always easy but I do what I have too. Having a cleaning service come in twice a week helped.


That’s amazing. Thank you for sharing.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Kamerlytan said:


> Hello guys,
> Any stay at home dads or husbands in this group?
> Looking to hear what your day-to-day schedule is. What do you do to keep busy and not loose yourself.


Getting a job helps.

I read your other thread and your husband needs a kick in the pants directly.

Does he know how you feel about him?

He needs to.

He's acting like one of your children instead of a husband.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> Getting a job helps.
> 
> I read your other thread and your husband needs a kick in the pants directly.
> 
> ...


Lol , that’s how I feel. He knows! I’ve told him multiple times but it’s like something just doesn’t click.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Kamerlytan said:


> What do you do to keep busy and not loose yourself.





Kamerlytan said:


> How do you manage to do both? Are you the husband or wife? What does your spouse do?


I read your other thread in the divorce section. 

Your issues are not scheduling issues and doesn't have anything to do with scheduling. The issues are your H is a low performer and what my mom would call a do-nuth'n. 

Just due to your verbiage above and the verbiage you used in your other thread, I can see that you are more of a traditional person that believes in more traditional gender roles. ie men don't "keep busy", they are productive or they are lazy. Your husband is lazy and is not producing. 

Men do not "loose themselves." They are always who they are and they are expected to do things and take care of business. Yours simply isn't. He's not loosing himself. He is being himself and that is the problem because he is a do-nuth'n. 

He had trouble at work and wasn't cutting it there, so you tried to do a role reversal and make him a Little Suzy Homemaker and he's dropping the ball there as well. Do you see the common denominator???? 

Now in the other thread some people suggested he may have some mental issues. Maybe he does have some clinical depression that could be helped with proper treatment and medication. That's something worth looking into. 

But either way, he's going to need to get his duff out of bed and get out and get a job. As it stands now, if you were to divorce him currently, you may have to pay him spousal support since you are the one with the paycheck. 

Some couples can function with a SAHD with the mom as the primary breadwinner. But both of them have to have nontraditional mindset in regards to gender roles and the SAHD has to be go-getter and has to be working hard providing benefit and productivity at home and using it as an excuse to be laying around doing nuth'n. 

This isn't about scheduling. It's about him getting off his azz and being productive and contributing.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Men do not "loose themselves."


What about Eminem? In his autobiographical track, “Lose Yourself” he describes loosing(sic) himself in the moment of a performance.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ccpowerslave said:


> What about Eminem? In his autobiographical track, “Lose Yourself” he describes loosing(sic) himself in the moment of a performance.


Too much coke.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I read your other thread in the divorce section.
> 
> Your issues are not scheduling issues and doesn't have anything to do with scheduling. The issues are your H is a low performer and what my mom would call a do-nuth'n.
> 
> ...


Wowwww! Thank you, this is deep (in a good way). I completely agree with everything you said. I really appreciate this.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> What about Eminem? In his autobiographical track, “Lose Yourself” he describes loosing(sic) himself in the moment of a performance.


What exactly does losing yourself mean? I’ve worked different jobs in my life, been off summers with my teaching and took care of my kids, etc. I never thought about losing myself in any of it.


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

southbound said:


> What exactly does losing yourself mean? I’ve worked different jobs in my life, been off summers with my teaching and took care of my kids, etc. I never thought about losing myself in any of it.


This...


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

southbound said:


> What exactly does losing yourself mean? I’ve worked different jobs in my life, been off summers with my teaching and took care of my kids, etc. I never thought about losing myself in any of it.





Slow Hand said:


> This...
> 
> View attachment 85146


@southbound this explains what I mean.


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## The Narcissist's Wife (10 mo ago)

Kamerlytan said:


> Hello guys,
> Any stay at home dads or husbands in this group?
> Looking to hear what your day-to-day schedule is. What do you do to keep busy and not loose yourself.


I work part time and am also considered a stay at home mom..I homeschool 2 kids..due to covid..take college classes online for my bachelors degree, do our morning farm chores, laundry, lawn care, dishes, cook 5 to 6 days a week, and manage our finances and utilities. We are also renovating our entire house so I always have those projects to tend to. Otherwise..if I find myself with lack of things to do..which is rare these days...I work on other projects..organization, diy crafts, refinish furniture, sew, paint, read, garden..etc. projects i enjoy are my self care. 
A day to day routine for me looks like this:
645am I make my H coffee and start his truck
730 to 830 is time to myself (coffee, social media)
830 I wake up kids and start them on school work
10am break for kids..i do farm chores outside
1045 to 12 homeschool
12 lunch time, do laundry, set out stuff for dinner
1pm to 330 school work
330 to 500pm laundry, dishes, projects, cleaning
5pm start dinner
6pm husband is home, eat, evening farm chores, dishes, laundry, cleaning
8pm family watches some tv and relax
930pm get kids around for bed
1030p relaxation time


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

A lot of stay at home dads get cheated on because their wives lose respect for them as a man. There are a bunch of posts here about it.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

The Narcissist's Wife said:


> I work part time and am also considered a stay at home mom..I homeschool 2 kids..due to covid..take college classes online for my bachelors degree, do our morning farm chores, laundry, lawn care, dishes, cook 5 to 6 days a week, and manage our finances and utilities. We are also renovating our entire house so I always have those projects to tend to. Otherwise..if I find myself with lack of things to do..which is rare these days...I work on other projects..organization, diy crafts, refinish furniture, sew, paint, read, garden..etc. projects i enjoy are my self care.
> A day to day routine for me looks like this:
> 645am I make my H coffee and start his truck
> 730 to 830 is time to myself (coffee, social media)
> ...


Wow! Your days so full. You sound like you are doing an amazing job.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

thunderchad said:


> A lot of stay at home dads get cheated on because their wives lose respect for them as a man. There are a bunch of posts here about it.


Awwww man, would I find these posts in the mens lounge?


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## The Narcissist's Wife (10 mo ago)

Kamerlytan said:


> Wow! Your days so full. You sound like you are doing an amazing job.


Thank you..some days I do great..other days I fall apart..lol. Just have to put your best foot forward and find inspirational things to do if and when you are bored. I enjoy being productive..it gives me purpose and pride. Its easy to get swallowed up in routine and boredom..sometimes u just change things up..be creative.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

The Narcissist's Wife said:


> Thank you..some days I do great..other days I fall apart..lol. Just have to put your best foot forward and find inspirational things to do if and when you are bored. I enjoy being productive..it gives me purpose and pride. Its easy to get swallowed up in routine and boredom..sometimes u just change things up..be creative.


Yes, love that!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Come ON.

The loser spends 80 hours a week on social media for god's sake. His lazy ass does the BARE minimum and he has no problem letting his WIFE support his worthless ass.

Is that what you signed up for when you married Romeo? Some lazy-ass grown man spending his days doing god knows what on the internet, yet thinks he's too good to hold down a job and support the family he CHOSE to have? Some lazy-ass grown man who has no problem acting like a parasite and living off his wife's paychecks while he barely lifts a finger around the house, yet claims he's a "stay at home dad?" Is _*that*_ what you signed up for?

He's just a stay at home loser, OP.

When are you finally going to ADMIT it?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm not a man, but I had a SAHD neighbor I really admired and respected. His wife was a doctor. He had been a server when they met. They had 4 kids lickety split, so it wasn't a question of looking for things to do, that's for sure. 

He enjoyed the outdoors, so he and the kids were outdoors a lot. He enjoyed gardening and he would enlist the help of the small children. They were surprisingly competent and helpful and took it seriously. They got chickens and the kids gathered the eggs and put the chickens out in the morning and in at night. One of the 4 was scared of the chickens, but most were carrying them around like a pro. 

Inside, I can only assume he was busy making probably simple nutritious dinners (he was pretty organic; hence the organic garden), changing diapers, and the usual small children fare. So he was very busy, but he incorporated those things outdoors he enjoyed and didn't have to give that up. He and the kids (now a bit older) and the wife built a fence themselves, with everyone pitching in. 

Eventually, they bought a farm. The oldest daughter is now in med school and working at her mom's clinic. Great kids. And I'm not a kid person. 

So I guess my message from observing is make the kids help you but make it fun and rewarding, and get them outside as much as possible. That gets them out of your hair for a bit.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Kamerlytan said:


> Hello guys,
> Any stay at home dads or husbands in this group?
> Looking to hear what your day-to-day schedule is. What do you do to keep busy and not loose yourself.


I was a stay at home dad for four years until my kids went to pre K. I just took things day by day. After that I went back to work but will never regret all that one on one with my kids when they were little.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr B said:


> I was a stay at home dad for four years until my kids went to pre K. I just took things day by day. After that I went back to work but will never regret all that one on one with my kids when they were little.


Its a precious time and opportunity.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm not a man, but I had a SAHD neighbor I really admired and respected. His wife was a doctor. He had been a server when they met. They had 4 kids lickety split, so it wasn't a question of looking for things to do, that's for sure.
> 
> He enjoyed the outdoors, so he and the kids were outdoors a lot. He enjoyed gardening and he would enlist the help of the small children. They were surprisingly competent and helpful and took it seriously. They got chickens and the kids gathered the eggs and put the chickens out in the morning and in at night. One of the 4 was scared of the chickens, but most were carrying them around like a pro.
> 
> ...


Thank you.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

Mr B said:


> I was a stay at home dad for four years until my kids went to pre K. I just took things day by day. After that I went back to work but will never regret all that one on one with my kids when they were little.


That’s sweet. Did you do any activities with them? I’m asking to see a man’s perspective. As a mom I’d always have activities planned and actual field trips but I know everyone is different.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Kamerlytan said:


> Thank you.


One of the cutest things is when the dad mowed the lawn, he has gotten the boy who was the second oldest but still just about 5 years old, a toy mower, and so he let him follow around behind him the whole time as he's mowing the lawn and help him. So as soon as the boy was about 10, he was ready to mow for real.

I think his approach was so good because instead of just helicoptering the children to keep them entertained, the activities were largely productive.

I wasn't in their own home more than twice, but I can tell you that with four kids, the living room is just totally cluttered toys and different things. So like many parents he was not able to keep a neat house all the time.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Diana7 said:


> Its a precious time and opportunity.





Mr B said:


> I was a stay at home dad for four years until my kids went to pre K. I just took things day by day. After that I went back to work but will never regret all that one on one with my kids when they were little.


the only strange part of my years as a stay at home dad was visiting the local park. We were living overseas in Latin America at the time and everyone with kids had Nannies, even lower middle class people, even people where the wife didn't work and stayed home. So when at the park the Nannies all kept their distance because they had never seen a white guy taking care of kids and they thought i was a weirdo.😄


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> One of the cutest things is when the dad mowed the lawn, he has gotten the boy who was the second oldest but still just about 5 years old, a toy mower, and so he let him follow around behind him the whole time as he's mowing the lawn and help him. So as soon as the boy was about 10, he was ready to mow for real.
> 
> I think his approach was so good because instead of just helicoptering the children to keep them entertained, the activities were largely productive.
> 
> I wasn't in their own home more than twice, but I can tell you that with four kids, the living room is just totally cluttered toys and different things. So like many parents he was not able to keep a neat house all the time.


Kids don't care that the house is a bit messy. They just care about being loved and having time spent on them.


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## Rooster Cogburn (9 mo ago)

Kamerlytan said:


> Hello guys,
> Any stay at home dads or husbands in this group?
> Looking to hear what your day-to-day schedule is. What do you do to keep busy and not loose yourself.



Hi, have read these forums for the last 2 years... your post prompted my official join.

I am a SAHD.

I have been doing it for 5 years. (3-year old, boy, and 5-year-old boy.)

It has been difficult. I struggled with the newborn stages... especially with the 2nd. 
However, over the past 12- 18 months I have started to master it. Naturally, that is partially due to not needing bottles or diapers any longer... but also a change in my mindset.

Our typical day looks like this:

Get up at.... 6 30- 7am
Cook the boys breakfast / make oldest school lunch...7 30am
Talk oldest to school 9am
Back at home... dishes/ laundry/ vacuum/ dinner logistics 9 30- 10 30am
Some small 'me' time while 3 year old watches a cartoon 10 30- 11 30am ('me time' is catching up on news/ sports teams/ planning weekend or dates/ researching stuff. I don't do social media.)
Snack and outside playtime with 3 year old 11 30- 12 30pm
Pickup 5 year old from Kindergarten 1pm
Make lunch / snack for both boys 1 30- 2 00pm.
Inside playtime for boys 2 00- 3 00pm (Legos, puzzles, books,etc... I may be involved and may not depending on their mood. If not, folding laundry, picking up toys/ rooms)
Outside playtime for boys 3 00- 4 00pm (I may be involved and may not depending on their mood. If not, prepping dinner)
Make dinner 4 00- 5 00pm.
Clean up dinner mess and do dishes 5 00pm- 6 00pm
Workout 6 00- 6 30pm
Shower 6 30- 7 00pm
Small 'me time' while boys are still having 'mommy time'... 7 00pm- 7 30pm
Nightime Wreslemania with the boys 7 30- 8pm.
Boys wind down time 8 00- 8 30pm (could be a short cartoon, a book, watching a history show with them and talking about it)
Bed time 8 30pm... usually asleep by 9pm.

9pm - 10 30ish... my time with my wife. 

Naturally, everyday is not the same but THAT is the general 'order' of things as I have laid out. I do all the grocery shopping as well. Library trips. Taking them to the park. Etc..

Like everyone else... my wife and I have had our issues... thus why I have followed this site for a while. 

My mindset change was- I am going to better than my wife could be a running a household (with no hidden contracts for a reward.) Just to know that I can do what I put my mind to. 

And actually, I CRUSH her at it. I am far more efficient... I spend 50% less on grocerries than she does and we eat very, very well. The boys don't get away with petty crap when it comes to discipline like they do with mommy. They walk the line. BUT... they don't get the tender/ emotional stuff, obviously, from me... but nothing I can really do about that. 

Not loosing myself WAS the mindset change. I have done a lot of things in my life and accomplished things over many different career paths. I assumed due to biology, I couldn't meassure up to the natural abilities of a woman to 'mind the house.' I wallowed in that for a while. Then, I said... HELL NO. 

Best of luck in your situation.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Rooster Cogburn said:


> Hi, have read these forums for the last 2 years... your post prompted my official join.
> 
> I am a SAHD.
> 
> ...


Well you sound very busy, but for sure you are getting things done and doing it well.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

Rooster Cogburn said:


> Hi, have read these forums for the last 2 years... your post prompted my official join.
> 
> I am a SAHD.
> 
> ...


Wow! Just wow. That is amazing, you’d crush me if I stayed home. It sounds like you have it down packed. Do you and your wife have date nights? Do you ever get time alone?


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## Rooster Cogburn (9 mo ago)

Kamerlytan said:


> Wow! Just wow. That is amazing, you’d crush me if I stayed home. It sounds like you have it down packed. Do you and your wife have date nights? Do you ever get time alone?


Keep in mind... I said I started to master it 12- 18 months ago. Prior to that... I was a basket case and just putting out fires from one minute to the next. 

If you asked my wife... she would probably say- 'Its about damn time.' 

However, thank you for the compliment. 

We do have date night about once a month. It's a really, really, long story but... we live in a rural area, we get ZERO support from my in-laws (my parents live 3000 miles away) or any other immediate family, and we live on 13 acres so there is a LOT to maintain on weekends/ evenings. I have been somewhat negligent in getting a sitter for every other Sat. night... BUT working on that currently. 

Time alone? When I am working outside the home. Again, another really, really, long story but the nutshell of it is- COVID came along and killed my business and our childcare... so my 'time alone' is largely composed of working on weekends servicing my customers from my previous business on a cash basis. 

I would estimate my alone 'alone time' (no one else... just me and my thoughts to 4 hours a week... just depends on how late I want to stay up.) 

Let me know if you have any other questions. I am an open book and try to handicap my prejudices. 

Best regards,
-Rooster.


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## Kamerlytan (10 mo ago)

Rooster Cogburn said:


> Keep in mind... I said I started to master it 12- 18 months ago. Prior to that... I was a basket case and just putting out fires from one minute to the next.
> 
> If you asked my wife... she would probably say- 'Its about damn time.'
> 
> ...


Thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback.


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