# Has anyone gotten ED from being cheated on?



## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

I was wondering if anyone here will admit to ED like symtoms as the result of being cheated on, dogged out and left. Confidence drop.

I was wondering if it all worked with other women, and what was done to bring it back and was the problem completely eliminated after sufficient time?


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

OK, obviously I'm not a guy but I do know a little about this. I read a lot. LOL 

ED issues are caused by both mental and physical circumstances. If you find that you can get and maintain an erection watching porn and/or any other masturbating activities then the problem is likely mental. If you are with a woman who betrayed your trust and challenged your manhood then of course you are going to feel self conscious about your performance with that person. And if you let it really get to you then you are going to carry those feelings of insecurity into future sexual experiences. 

But the problem can certainly be eliminated if you just recognize the source of the insult. The woman who cheated on you and "dogged" you out is a broken person who can't take responsibility for her own behavior. She cheated on you but instead of owning her sh*t, she blameshifted. She blamed you for her stepping out because god forbid she take any responsibility. Gosh, I bet that made her feel good, huh? Like I said, she's broken. You could have been Cassanova in the bedroom and she likely still would have cheated. 

Just remember the women before her that were completely satisfied by you. Do not let one stupid woman take up any more space in your head..... or in your head!  

Your confidence will return, I promise.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

I had ED for a couple months. Wife and I were ready to divorce and 
decided to reconcile . During reconciliation is when it started because
I was sure she cheated and it was all I could think about
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabadoo (Mar 22, 2013)

Doubt is a big part of the equation. When I found my wife had an EA, and I was constantly worried that it was secretly a PA, I wanted nothing to do with her. I didn't have ED per se, but I definitely lost my mojo so to speak. This doubt can be about what the WW did, it can be about what will happen to your marriage, or it can be about yourself after marriage ends. My wife never left and we're working to reconcile, but time was the thing that helped to heal the situation the most for me. Either way, ED is pretty common in these situations.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

movin on said:


> I had ED for a couple months. Wife and I were ready to divorce and
> decided to reconcile . During reconciliation is when it started because
> I was sure she cheated and it was all I could think about
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The thoughts and memories of that relationship still have not been overcome by sufficient new memories. So it devalued me,and never had sufficient time in new situations to build up enough confidence there.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Doctor told me 80% of ED is in mentally not physically 
after what I went through, I believe it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Btw I confirmed wife had a couple ons with guys she didn't know.
I don't know why but ED went away after I confirmed she had PA.
Maybe it was because of all the adrenaline when I found out. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

movin on said:


> Btw I confirmed wife had a couple ons with guys she didn't know.
> I don't know why but ED went away after I confirmed she had PA.
> Maybe it was because of all the adrenaline when I found out. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did you let her go?


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

No we are still together
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

movin on said:


> No we are still together
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's been transparent, realized what she's had at home and happy to hold onto it?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

DLS, yes I've been there, am still trying to emerge - I will say that yes it can work just fine again with someone new, in my case there have been more than one new partner and in all cases I was gunshy and was very frustrating (being completely aroused but unable to perform that way), however with enough intimacy together it will spring back, you just gotta have someone you trust enough to be patient with you so you can ease your mind and not have to worry/doubt so much. Also, in my case, it didn't all begin the moment I was cheated on, I just never even came to the realization until then that my sexless marriage was in part from any kind of ED - in hinndsight it's hard to tell if it was ED or just disinterest... but either way it manifested as ED (or performance anxiety?) that lasted into the exciting parts of new relationship.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Yes.. She is the person I fell in love with once again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

I take it you are no longer with your significant other ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

And also DLS, I didn't intend to be insensitive in case you are in R, just giving you my perspective that yes ED can go away with new partner but it's certainly not instantly fixed, just as I'm sure it could come back with your spouse assuming that the R goes well and you begin restoring attraction and trust.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

Lon said:


> DLS, yes I've been there, am still trying to emerge - I will say that yes it can work just fine again with someone new, in my case there have been more than one new partner and in all cases I was gunshy and was very frustrating (being completely aroused but unable to perform that way), however with enough intimacy together it will spring back, you just gotta have someone you trust enough to be patient with you so you can ease your mind and not have to worry/doubt so much. Also, in my case, it didn't all begin the moment I was cheated on, I just never even came to the realization until then that my sexless marriage was in part from any kind of ED - in hinndsight it's hard to tell if it was ED or just disinterest... but either way it manifested as ED (or performance anxiety?) that lasted into the exciting parts of new relationship.


Lack of interest or rejection and unacceptance as the common reactions or responses you are getting from your second half will shrink your confidence in your erections and cause you to doubt yourself and perhaps cause ED. It's kind of a brainwashing that's going on that she's programming you that you shouldn't expect it and you aren't good enough.

But as you see you can get over it. Just like old relationships in the past, after enough time in a positive and new one, the old one is minimized. Your frame of sex, your masculinity is tied up within the new one.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: Has anyone gotten ED from being cheated on?*



DaddyLongShanks said:


> Lack of interest or rejection and unacceptance as the common reactions or responses you are getting from your second half will shrink your confidence in your erections and cause you to doubt yourself and perhaps cause ED. It's kind of a brainwashing that's going on that she's programming you that you shouldn't expect it and you aren't good enough.
> 
> But as you see you can get over it. Just like old relationships in the past, after enough time in a positive and new one, the old one is minimized. Your frame of sex, your masculinity is tied up within the new one.


Yes, and where I was at in my prior marriage she didn't even have to do anything to make me feel not good enough, I did that part well enough on my own.

her cheating was almost a sigh of relief in some ways (and not a good one) it confirmed to me that I wasnt good enough, and it unburdened me from having to worry about being good enough for her. At the same time it forced me to realize that SHE want good enough either, certainly no better than I was, but the whole boondoggle was just entirely messed up.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

Lon said:


> Yes, and where I was at in my prior marriage she didn't even have to do anything to make me feel not good enough, I did that part well enough on my own.


My ex gave an insane amount of assistnance for me to feel that way. There was nothing I could have done but taken on a lover and looked at my life with her as a joke, and I did not do that. Still recovering from it. My story is the story you hear about and you say that has to be an exaggeration.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

So what's the story ? If you don't mind me asking
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

movin on said:


> So what's the story ? If you don't mind me asking
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The typical entitled narcisisstic cheater story. For her version to make sense there was denial, gaslighting and blame shifting. She. hated me because her affair and to add to her gorilla pimping added abuse verbal, she hated me so hard it was killing me. And just mental and physical abuse. Tons of it. If I tried to communicate for outside support she would flip it and blame it on me. I swear I felt as bad as the man on misery. I thought she would come out of it for the kids sake. But I hanged in there till I accepted she was gone this in 2009. Not sobstorying here either. My question to myself at the time was "do you really want someone who treats you this way?" and the other "do you want your son think its normal and what he should expect" . She was never worth it wish I accepted it was over long before this but you feel like your kids are getting taken from you. You know its nearly impossible for dads to get custody. But looking back if I had access to these resources then I may have been able to get them. And a part of me wanted to save her from herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

I wish I had known about this site when I was suspicious .
I would have been able to do a he!! of a lot more .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

movin on said:


> I wish I had known about this site when I was suspicious .
> I would have been able to do a he!! of a lot more .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What would you have done differently provided the information?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

She had a ons and put some comments on her twitter about this guy.
She didn't have it set to private. Two months later she has a girls week
end at the beach. Had I known how to get into Facebook and twitter 
when I first suspected her after her first ons I would have had the proof.
And she wouldn't have had her beach trip. Btw she meet a guy at the
beach and had sex with him both nights she was there .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Everything I needed to find out was right in front of me for 4 months
before I found the confession . Two of those months I had ED because
I was sure she cheated and it was all I thought about .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

movin on said:


> Everything I needed to find out was right in front of me for 4 months
> before I found the confession . Two of those months I had ED because
> I was sure she cheated and it was all I thought about .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Some of the ED is because she's not attracted to you anymore cause she's with the other dude and you can feel it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

Seems to be a theme, wife refused me any contact but when we separated she had six possibly seven sexual relationships.After reconciling I found I didn't want to have sex with her. BTW I did not and have never cheated.


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