# are kids and love enough?



## Stresseshubby (Jun 22, 2015)

I'm new here and don't know what to do. I love my wife. All indications are that she loves me back. We have a child together (4yo) We've been married 6 years. There are also step-children in the picture (2, hers). She's been out of work due to an injury that isn't going away. No work, no disability (yet) means we've been surviving off my paycheck alone. I've recently found out that she hasn't bee completely honest, helping her sister financially. After we seemingly got our debt organized with a home equity loan, I find out we are way in credit card debt because she's taken several advances on the card to help her sister and some harebrained plan to stay ahead of the debt. I don't want to be away from my kid like I would be if we were divorced. I can't help but ask myself if I'm allowing myself to be dragged down or if it's too late since marriage and children completely change the landscape. Should I be thinking of jumping boat and divorce my wife so I can try to get things back financially for the the sake of my kid and myself or should I stick it out for love too? I told her I'd rather be miserable for a long time before jumping to divorce because I've always felt divorce was too easy but divorce doesn't feel like the easy choice leading me to wonder if I've done what I've said and it still isn't working. I just feel like I am at my wits end!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well you told her that you would rather be miserable for a long time, so you gave her the go-ahead to make you miserable. Perhaps you should re-think that and let her know of your new mindset.

It's completely wrong for her to give her sister money and put you in debt. It's especially wrong since she is not brining in any money. And then she sneaks around about it and lies.

You need to read her the riot act and tell her that if this continues you will divorce her. And then, if she continues, divorce her.

Do not set a goal to be miserable for years. Do not let her drag you down financially.

If she is married to you, can she even get disability? Have you looked into that?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Also, whose name is on the card that she is running up debt under? 

One thing that works to keep spouse honest with each other is to pull both credit reports at least once a year and then both of you go over them. That way she knows that if she pulls anything sneaky, you will find out. You can even make an account on one of the credit burrows and pull all the reports you want on one person. It might be worth a few bucks every month to keep her honest.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

If I were in your position, I would definitely divorce. The injury is understandable, but she is purposely making your situation worse.

Everyone is replaceable, and if you do move on, you would be in debt in your next relationship, and make life more difficult if you choose to find another potential mate.

If you do decide to stay, Ele has some good suggestions.

People often have the mistake that their marital relationship will last until one or the other ceases to be, but really, I think of it as a long term relationship that lasted a long time. Even now, you're thinking about divorce. Others actions impact us on whether we want to be involved with them or not. You may not feel it as keenly now, but given enough time, actions like these will destroy the love you have for her. When you become stressed over making ends meet, resentment will come naturally, and you will start associating her with negative emotions, and memories.

If she wants to save the relationship, she will have to change her behavior. She can also run up debt, and divorce you as well. It is no guarantee that she will stay with you forever as well. So, is she worth the risk at the moment?


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