# The little things



## Crypsys

The Mrs. and I have been married now for over a decade and we are still going strong. One of the things I feel that has kept us going strong are the little things we do called "love pokes". Through the day we send each other txt messages or e-mails that say 2 things. The first is what the other did yesterday that made us happy and the last is always I love you. For example I told her I appreciated that she helped me find my socks this morning. She told me she appreciated me getting her up this morning with a kiss and a hug. 

I know it sound really corny, but through "forcing" ourselves to find something different each day we are thankful for has really always helped us to keep that emotional bond strong.

Have we ever had our downs? Sure we have (we just got over one of those bumps recently). But, with that strong emotional bond we have going it helps us to come out of those downs quickly and stronger than before. It allows us to let go of the pride/arrogance and focus on our spouse. 

How many other "long timers" do things like that?


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Crypsys said:


> One of the things I feel that has kept us going strong are the little things we do called "love pokes". Through the day we send each other txt messages or e-mails that say 2 things. The first is what the other did yesterday that made us happy and the last is always I love you. For example I told her I appreciated that she helped me find my socks this morning. She told me she appreciated me getting her up this morning with a kiss and a hug.
> 
> I know it sound really corny, but through "forcing" ourselves to find something different each day we are thankful for has really always helped us to keep that emotional bond strong.
> 
> How many other "long timers" do things like that?


 We don't text or email each other (on rare occasions I send him one- he is simply not the writer type), and I have no name for the encouraging comments but I definetly, even daily, remind him of all the "little things" he does that I Love, enjoy & look forward too, especially the out of the blue things - when that happens. Sometimes I feel like I am a broken record, but he tells me I can never say that kind of stuff "too much". 

He is not as verbal as me, so I do not get as many verbal comments in return, but I KNOW that my encouraging appreciative words about his affection towards me HELPS keep it coming my way- every day and this indeed keeps the flame burning for us both.


----------



## pochael

The little things are the most important. No doubt. 

Simply- I have seen you write... And as much as I respond, I am not much of a writer either. I am sure you would wear him out. LOL.


----------



## Lasr60637

My H and I have been married 23 years. Its the little things that makes all the difference in our marriage. We are trying to get back on track since I discovered he was in a 10 year EA with a fellow coworker. I wanted a divorce and he didnt. He has not apologized or acted like he was remorseful - but he has done a million little things that to me says "I'm sorry" everyday.

Examples:
If I mention something I wanted from the store, he would go get it;
If I do not go to work (we work at the same place) he would get my morning coffee and newspaper; He gives me the last of what he eats or drinks - he NEVER finishes before offering me some; he stays home more; on weekends he prepares breakfast and brings it to me; he does the laundry; he gives me half his paycheck every two weeks (use to give me what he thought I should have); takes me out to dinner when I thought I had to cook; surprises me and buys clothes that he saw me looking at; when I had my knee replacement surgery and therapy - he took me to therapy and brought me home and then drove all the way back to work for 3 times a week for 11 weeks and never complained or acted like he didnt want to do it.

There are so many more "little things" he has done and I'm so grateful and thankful for him.

I look at his EA as a "bump in the road" and the street is easier to drive on now.


----------



## cherrypie18

What about the big things? what if that's missing? what then?


----------



## Crypsys

Dunno cherrypie18, what do you mean by big things? I think it's the little things that build up to make the big things.

With physical love it's the holding hands, kissing, hugs, etc. My wife to this day still hold hands when we walk around outside. 

With emotional love its the I love you's, affirmations, listening and laughter.

With trust it's about saying what your thinking, not holding back. It's allowing full access to everything (if asked) by your spouse. It's helping out when asked, and helping out before you are asked. 

I think what most consider "big things" I just consider a collection of little things. IMO, that makes it easier to decide what needs to be increased/decreased.

I try to live by the axiom KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid)...


----------



## cherrypie18

Crypsys said:


> Dunno cherrypie18, what do you mean by big things? I think it's the little things that build up to make the big things.
> 
> With physical love it's the holding hands, kissing, hugs, etc. My wife to this day still hold hands when we walk around outside.
> 
> With emotional love its the I love you's, affirmations, listening and laughter.
> 
> With trust it's about saying what your thinking, not holding back. It's allowing full access to everything (if asked) by your spouse. It's helping out when asked, and helping out before you are asked.
> 
> I think what most consider "big things" I just consider a collection of little things. IMO, that makes it easier to decide what needs to be increased/decreased.
> 
> I try to live by the axiom KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid)...


Well honesty for me is big, devotion, openness etc I could find my husband's socks any time he wanted or I could do him favors for I all care, he will go get me stuff from the store too if I ask, but when there's no honesty what does it matter right?


----------



## cherrypie18

oh and loving to me means never having to keep score of the good you do for your spouse, unlike someone i know.


----------



## Crypsys

cherrypie18 said:


> Well honesty for me is big, devotion, openness etc I could find my husband's socks any time he wanted or I could do him favors for I all care, he will go get me stuff from the store too if I ask, but when there's no honesty what does it matter right?
> 
> oh and loving to me means never having to keep score of the good you do for your spouse, unlike someone i know.


For some, acts of service take up a huge portion of the way they process love. For some people helping to find their socks is more important to them than saying giving them a hug. And conversely that person may go to the store for their spouse even though they are tired (they are trying to show their love) and maybe not give enough hugs. 

But yes, I agree if there is no honesty it's impossible to have a strong marriage.


----------

