# Would you let you wife go out to dinner with a freind that's a guy?



## westbank23

I know I sure in the world will have a big problem with that better yet wtf you have a guy freind?
Now I'm not talking about a freind from work(as long as its work related)or that works at a spot where she goes out to ,I'm talking about a freind that hangs out with her..F**k that if I can't go out on you and your guy freinds dinner date its defiantly going to be a problem..some people may say that I have trust issues or what not but I feel like it's a respect thing,I know If I was married or in a reltionship I won't go out on any dates unless my girl is with me just so she won't feel left out and start to suspect things..
I've never had that problem before because I'm 24 and only had a couple girlfriends and one fake marriage but I've been reading some threads on here and it seems like some guys let there wife's go out with "guy freinds" and stay out late at night.. I also know a couple people who sleep with married women,like my boss he's banging 2 married chicks and when I was out at the club one night I saw him there with one of the married girls,i was just thinking to myself,where the hell is her husband at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GTdad

No. I'm not okay with my wife dating.


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## tacoma

No I wouldn't let my wife go out to dinner with a man I don't know.

However if he were a friend of mine and it wasn't a regular thing I wouldn't have a problem with it depending upon the circumstances.


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## anchorwatch

Married women don't go on dates.

The only "guy" friends my wife has are related or part of couple friends. Period. Always been her choice and I've always been good with that.


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## GoodForNothing

westbank23 said:


> I know I sure in the world will have a big problem with that better yet wtf you have a guy freind?
> Now I'm not talking about a freind from work(as long as its work related)or that works at a spot where she goes out to ,I'm talking about a freind that hangs out with her..F**k that if I can't go out on you and your guy freinds dinner date its defiantly going to be a problem..some people may say that I have trust issues or what not but I feel like it's a respect thing,I know If I was married or in a reltionship I won't go out on any dates unless my girl is with me just so she won't feel left out and start to suspect things..
> I've never had that problem before because I'm 24 and only had a couple girlfriends and one fake marriage but I've been reading some threads on here and it seems like some guys let there wife's go out with "guy freinds" and stay out late at night.. I also know a couple people who sleep with married women,like my boss he's banging 2 married chicks and when I was out at the club one night I saw him there with one of the married girls,i was just thinking to myself,where the hell is her husband at.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree it's a terrible idea, though I think I wouldn't even make an exception for "work related" reasons unless absolutely necessary. I've seen way too many work meetings turn into social or romantic ones over the years.


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## Hope1964

Any woman that seriously thinks this should be OK is not invested in her husband or her marriage.


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## Ostera

No it's not okay. And why in the first place would this type of thing be happening? 

There would be absolutely no reason for my wife to go to dinner with another man without me being there also.


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## Entropy3000

GTdad said:


> No. I'm not okay with my wife dating.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Exactly this.


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## I got this

No and if either of them came up with this idea I would make it very clear its not appropriate and dont come up with any more stupid date ideas going froward.


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## SadSamIAm

There are circumstances that I wouldn't care. If it was her gay guy friend, then no problem.

If she was away with one of the kids for a tournament, it could end up happening that she ends up at dinner with a father of one of my kids friends. This has happened to me and I would have no problem.

If it was someone I didn't know, or knew, but didn't trust or some one that I feel she has been too close to, then I wouldn't allow it.


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## Agast84

I was in a similar situation. Not cool with it. She and others may think I have been unreasonable, but I stick with what I know is right. Friends can distract from a marriage just as much as "friends" can. Even if it is not an EA or PA type of situation it should not be a constant thing.


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## Shoto1984

Not just "no"...."hell no". If she has guy friends then they become both of your friends and you see them together. That's the only way I can image that being OK.


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## norajane

I have men friends that have been my friends for decades. Yes, I go out to dinner with them, sometimes alone and sometimes not. It's not a question of "letting" me do it, either. It's not an issue we have, so it's not a matter of getting permission.


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## westbank23

norajane said:


> I have men friends that have been my friends for decades. Yes, I go out to dinner with them, sometimes alone and sometimes not. It's not a question of "letting" me do it, either. It's not an issue we have, so it's not a matter of getting permission.


I don't know about all that...I heard to many horror stories about women having guy freinds..my future wife is pretty much going to have to end what ever guy freinds she has or just like someone else mentioned if she's going out with them I better be invited to go out with them at all times..
I can't have my wife straying off with "guy freinds".it just ain't gona happen
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## westbank23

Shoto1984 said:


> Not just "no"...."hell no". If she has guy friends then they become both of your friends and you see them together. That's the only way I can image that being OK.


Straight up that's what I'm talking about
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Agast84

norajane said:


> I have men friends that have been my friends for decades. Yes, I go out to dinner with them, sometimes alone and sometimes not. It's not a question of "letting" me do it, either. It's not an issue we have, so it's not a matter of getting permission.


You are lucky for there to be no issues like that. 

I am coming from a place where there was a double standard, so it is hard for me to be accommodating to someone that wasn't that way towards me, plus bent the truth several times as well What I didn't state previously was that I think it should be a mutual agreement between both parties in the relationship. If either violates the agreement, the agreement breaker should expect the other member of the relationship to feel wary of future activities.
I wish it was a non-issue for more people.


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## The Middleman

Under no circumstances what so ever.


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## bbdad

If it is some one we both know, and I trust them, then I would have no issues. If it becomes a regular thing, then I would have issues.


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## Gabey

Some of these responses are really pathetic, to be honest.

If two married people,
1) love each other, 
2) are open and honest with each other,
3) don't take advantage of each other,
4) secure in their relationship,
5) and trust each other, 
this should not be an issue.

My brother-in-law is so jealous, that he sneaks into *church *when my sister-in-law goes without him (*AND she takes her kids no less*) just to verify she's there and no men are involved! There have been no affairs and she is a very trustworthy person.


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## jfv

westbank23 said:


> I don't know about all that...I heard to many horror stories about women having guy freinds..my future wife is pretty much going to have to end what ever guy freinds she has or just like someone else mentioned if she's going out with them I better be invited to go out with them at all times..
> I can't have my wife straying off with "guy freinds".it just ain't gona happen
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are only 24 but you seem to have a decent grasp of the way things work between men and women. Good for you. There are way too many guys in this generation that are afraid of seeming jealous or insecure. You have respect for yourself and you're a realist, don't marry anyone who has a problem with that.


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## Lonely&frustrated

I LOVE how protective you men are, it's refreshing!! Love a man who is willing to defend/protect what is his, (who has his heart)


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## Thound

No! 2 things I don't loan out. My truck and my wife, cause someone might throw a rod in either one of them.:rofl:


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## Adex

I find it funny how some women find this acceptable. To go out with a guy friend on her own and not let the husband go along? :rofl:

If my wife said that, I'd think it was a joke. If i wanted a ***** or **** as a wife, I would have married one. A woman that does that does not respect her husband and worse than that, doesn't see her husband as a MAN. Because a man wouldn't put up with that BS.


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## the guy

You're crazy!

No way!

Not even with me....screw that!


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## Lonely&frustrated

omg lol hehe!!


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## 67flh

you go,,,,,you're gone...simple


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## ScarletBegonias

SO answered "only if it's that one dude you kept in touch with after high school who is so flamboyantly gay he's practically growing a vagina"


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## LadyOfTheLake

A one on one dinner for no other reason than just to go out to dinner...no. I wouldn't do that. I think DH would have a problem with it as well.

If there was a reason, business meeting, social gathering with others, or whatever then, yeah I would. And I have. I've gone out to dinner with a group of guys without hubs. I go fishing with guys that hubs doesn't even know. I travel with them, get changed in the bushes...pee in the shrubs....it's all good. I'm an independent woman, even though I'm married. My guy friends all know I'm married, most of them are too. We are all cool with the boundaries and DH has gotten used to it. Some of them are surprised by how relaxed he is, but I don't see why. This is 2013. Not 1913.


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## Malcolm38

No. As it was already well stated, I wouldn't be okay with having my wife out on a date. But good for those who are. Good for them!


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## Wiserforit

westbank23 said:


> I'm 24 and only had a couple girlfriends and one fake marriage


What is a fake marriage?


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## Entropy3000

LadyOfTheLake said:


> This is 2013. Not 1913.


Birth control. Yes. Much less risky. But now that I think about it with DNA testing it may be more risky now than then. 

I think there is much more risk these days though of EAs happening with just the existence of social media. However back then you never really knew who was going to end up with the carrier pigeon.

Women in general are at less risk in 2013 financially as they tend to have more financial independence from their husbands than in 1913. So if an affair does occur they have better options for support.

In 1975 the laws changed as it pertained to husbands actually shooting thier wives lovers. So less risk there.

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On a more serious note I avoid any one on one dinner time or bar time for that matter even in work conditions. The appearance of an issue can be as damaging as anything else. But I regularly go out to dinner with colleagues as a group. This is way different from a date atmosphere. But I have witnessed married people over time get way too comfortable even in these settings.

If I am arriving in a city and waiting to meet a group of collegues at the airport, I have no problem waiting in a restaurant bar with a female colleague until the others arrive. Then again they are a colleague. I will never leave my wife at home so I can go have a steak dinner with a female friend. I do not care how platonic the relationship is, it is still a date. Intent does not change the activity. You are still bonding in a one on one situation. Intent is a very slippery slope and depending on how you feel is not much of a boundary. I can tell you from experience that EAs feel fine. Just like a close friendship. The brain chemcals make it seem fine.

Another factor in my life is I do not have that kind of time. If I really have time to go out to dinner, or a movie or any couple type of activity, I need to be taking my wife out.


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## JCD

There is always a mental calculus in a marriage. How much will I give for how much I get. And everyone has a different set of boundaries.

That being said, and I hesitate to say this, but some of the women posters seem to value their principles and independence more than their marriage. If hubby has a *RATIONAL* concern about his wife dining and socially bonding with a close friend, well...from the tone of the posters, that's too damn bad!

Even a short perusal of CWI section shows that this is a danger. Look at Annie Ashe's posts. Coffee and homework and two months later, she's seriously thinking of running off with another man. COFFEE!

Now...maybe Annie is weak. But here is the thing: men will pick up anything with a vagina for sex. Women always seem to find partner a) whom they work with, b) whom they are neighbors with or c) *whom they are friends with*.

And we get this missive "Oh...I was just having drinks with my friend Bob and I don't know what happened...how do I keep this from my husband/help him get over this quickly?"

We know what happened. The wife thought it was more important to be 'independent' and 'have friends' than to apply boundaries. She got complacent and a bit too cozy...and now her husband, derided for his 'lack of trust and jealousy' gets to suck up his wife fvcking around by 'accident'.

It's like watching ******** playing with rattlesnakes. We know how it's going to end, but somehow, no one does anything to stop 'the fun'.


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## Entropy3000

JCD said:


> It's like watching ******** playing with rattlesnakes. We know how it's going to end, but somehow, no one does anything to stop 'the fun'.


:rofl::rofl:

This would be hilarious if it was not so serious.

Instigation
Isolation
Escalation

Again it is about risks. What is the marriages value versus as you say friends? Many people go on to say that that they would never cheat. Whatever that is. 

Marriages we see on this site range from radical monogamy to full open.
Excluding the fringe stuff we see a bell curve of different boundaries. 

Some of this falls into what I would call a stricter monogamy region which includes boundaries to maintain tighter emotional monogamy. It has its own range of course. But typically this region does not call one on one time with OSFs hanging out. They think of it as dating. At the more liberal side they are ok with occasionally having coffee with a friend. This may actually be a situation where they meet with two friends and one of the friends leaves sooner that the OSF friend. A very natural thing. Some folks will linger on for bit and then they will leave. A stricter view is that if one leaves they all leave. This last option is what I do when on a business trip lets say in the hotel bar. I will not be left alone with any woman at a hotel bar no matter how safe it may seem. Why? At the very least the appearance of that situation. 

There is another region with slightly more liberal views of monogamy or at least the boundaries of monogamy. That they are adults and can hangout with OSFs. At the far end they define their faithfulness as never cheating. This group puts a high value on extended family OSFs that include stronger emotional bonds and one on time. This region of course has a range as well. One on one time for some may be a cup of coffee in a public area with an old friend while at the other end involves one one one time at the OSFs place to watch movies and or sleepover. You know when there has been too much drinking and one needs to crash. 

Anyway it is shades of gray but there seems to be groupings defined by boundaries of how much isolation is ok. One on one time seems to be a key. Some call this isolation.

I also get that we may have someone in their late 30s that has been married before perhaps. Has an investment in friends that they reconnected with after their previous marriage ended and they are not willing to give up the investment in their friends this time around.


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## westbank23

ScarletBegonias said:


> SO answered "only if it's that one dude you kept in touch with after high school who is so flamboyantly gay he's practically growing a vagina"


Yea if he's gay ill give her a free pass to go out with him lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

westbank23 said:


> Yea if he's gay ill give her a free pass to go out with him lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Idunno some chicks really dig good looking gay guys and wish they could get them to change teams. 

No gay would not work for me. The appearance of my wife dating someone is a non starter.

WTH would my wife be going out to dinner with a gay guy anyway?


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## CH

If she says it's only me and him and YOU CAN'T GO, then I'll have a problem.


Good
Wife - I'm having lunch with an old friend and he's invited you along, let's go.

Bad
Wife - I'm having lunch with an old friend and it's only the 2 of us.
Husband - Where are you eating at? Oh that place, I would like to try the food there.
Wife - Ummm, strange deer in headlights look, ummm, let me check it was supposed to be only me and him....

Husband - F*** that with a bat, that s*** isn't going to fly at all.


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## Almostrecovered

I'd let her go to Chipotle's so she'd be too gassy to have sex afterwards


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## lovelygirl

The concept of dinner is more intimate, romantic and it implies closeness.
What would a woman (especially a married one) and a man talk about in this dinner..... *unless*:
1) they are dating (or plan to)
2) this dinner is for work-purposes.

?

If they are just friends then the dinner is a bit over the top. They could still hang out for a coffee...but for dinner?

I mean...I am single myself and I have never gone out to dinner with a guy FREIND. (who was/is just a friend to me). I've gone to dinner with guys whose intentions were to be more than friends with me and my intentions were the same.

If I were a married woman I don't think it would make any sense for me to leave my H at home while enjoying a dinner with a guy "friend".

This goes the same for married men who want to have a one on one dinner with a woman friend. 

If it's just a friendly dinner then why not take your SO with you?


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## Entropy3000

No. Just no. Oh he's gay. I don't care.


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## ScarletBegonias

LOL ok my gay friend does NOT look like that at all


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## tacoma

JCD said:


> It's like watching ******** playing with rattlesnakes. We know how it's going to end, but somehow, no one does anything to stop 'the fun'.


I'm stealing that awesome analogy.


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## Entropy3000

lovelygirl said:


> The concept of dinner is more intimate, romantic and it implies closeness.
> What would a woman (especially a married one) and a man talk about in this dinner..... *unless*:
> 1) they are dating (or plan to)
> 2) this dinner is for work-purposes.
> 
> ?
> 
> If they are just friends then the dinner is a bit over the top. They could still hang out for a coffee...but for dinner?
> 
> I mean...I am single myself and I have never gone out to dinner with a guy FREIND. (who was/is just a friend to me). I've gone to dinner with guys whose intentions were to be more than friends with me and my intentions were the same.
> 
> If I were a married woman I don't think it would make any sense for me to leave my H at home while enjoying a dinner with a guy "friend".
> 
> This goes the same for married men who want to have a one on one dinner with a woman friend.
> 
> If it's just a friendly dinner then why not take your SO with you?


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

This says it all.

Thank you Lovely Girl.


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## Entropy3000

tacoma said:


> I'm stealing that awesome analogy.


Yeah. He got all of that one and kinda hit that in the upper deck or maybe just clear out of the park. Nice.


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## Wiserforit

lovelygirl said:


> If it's just a friendly dinner then why not take your SO with you?


Because she probably won't like seeing my hand down her panties while I am french kissing her?


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## lovelygirl

westbank23 said:


> Yea if he's gay ill give her a free pass to go out with him lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gays and lesbians are not different. I wouldn't want my H around a lesbian girl because to me she's still just another girl and just because she's lesbian doesn't mean he won't fantasize about her. 

It's the same for gays. Who says a woman doesn't fantasize about good looking/hot gays? Who says she doesn't flirt with them?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I would never go out with a male without my husband. It's wrong. My husband would never go out with another woman either.

It's completely out of line.


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## MissBrittB87

Hanging out alone with the opposite sex- outside of a work setting where you obviously will always have to interact with members of the opposite sex-is just an all around negative idea. I don't even hang out with one of my closest male friends alone and we have been friends for 10 years. My fiance knows and likes him, they have a buddy buddy relationship and when we do things, it's in groups.


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