# A Tip For The Hubs of TAM



## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

When your wife complains that you guys don't spend enough time together or have date nights.

Money and babysitter (if needed) are no excuse.

We aren't looking to go to an expensive high class restaurant or even go out at all.

Is be soooo excited if hubs made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and rented a $1 movie from the blockbuster kiosk! Put our son to bed early and stay up late together!

Its not the money spent that makes it special. I think men tend to forget this sometimes.

With that in mind, have a great weekend everyone!!


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Well, what you're saying really works for some women. Yet, there are a fringe who will not be please by that. They say something along the lines of "he doesn't make an effort". 

I distinctively remember a female colleague telling me that she felt her husband took her for granted because he took her to some cheap restaurant instead of a romantic restaurant with... "atmosphere" she said. So its all about knowing your woman.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Ano said:


> When your wife complains that you guys don't spend enough time together or have date nights.
> 
> Money and babysitter (if needed) are no excuse.
> 
> ...


Ummm...yeah, right. that's pretty much what a lot of people do every night. That's what the wives complain about.


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## AbsolutelyFree (Jan 28, 2011)

Heh. I can easily imagine reading a post on here of a disappointed wife, writing "My husbands idea of a date night was us making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and watching a dollar rental from Blockbuster! Why do I even try?!"


Edit: I don't want to seem lik I'm piling on or anything. I do think that Ano's point is a good one.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Ano, I appreciate the effort.
I wish more people were pleased with the simple things like you are. That's a great quality to have.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

As far as my marriage goes, my husband going out of his way to pick out a movie and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...now that's an effort on his part. If he buys popcorn too...BONUS!! 

I guess this would pertain more towards the wives that have very unaffectionate hubbys.

My hubs never has been very romantic or affectionate..so this is an effort for him..and I love it!


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

AbsolutelyFree said:


> Heh. I can easily imagine reading a post on here of a disappointed wife, writing "My husbands idea of a date night was us making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and watching a dollar rental from Blockbuster! Why do I even try?!"
> 
> 
> Edit: I don't want to seem lik I'm piling on or anything. I do think that Ano's point is a good one.


I can totally see where you're coming from! Some women prefer extravagant, costly things. While others prefer to more thoughtful things. 

IMO picking out a movie and making sandwiches shows that more thought and effort was put into the night vs. getting in the car and paying a high price for a meal.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Ano said:


> When your wife complains that you guys don't spend enough time together or have date nights.
> 
> Money and babysitter (if needed) are no excuse.
> 
> ...


This was so true in the hungry years when my wife and I were young. 

--I would be 'wearing' the peanut butter and jelly sandwich if I tried that today!


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## Jimbob82 (Jun 29, 2012)

Its such a nice idea having some snacks and a cheap film on a saturday night, me and the wife still make a point of doing this every week! I must add though, that's it not always a green light for sexy times!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I completely agree. I'd be FLOORED if hubby did this... :sigh:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Jimbob82 said:


> Its such a nice idea having some snacks and a cheap film on a saturday night, me and the wife still make a point of doing this every week! I must add though, that's it not always a green light for sexy times!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pop open the bottle of red wine! That might get the blood flowing!  

Or rub her feet during the movie, then slowly work your way up massaging her legs, to the inner thighs, etc.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Its not the money spent that makes it special. *I think men tend to forget this sometimes.*

Yes, it's the man's fault, for sure.

Those dastardly men, they come home to a wife that is already dolled up for date night, big seductive smile on her face, kids at Grandma's house for the night. She is happy, attentive, sexy, playful, complimenting, teasing, appreciative and supporting. All those things *she* would never forget to be.

Then those damn men just forget stuff, again.

God, how do you live with us sometimes..........


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Ano,
Her favorite activity by far - my second favorite, is tennis. Close to free. About $1. 

Her second favorite , is word games. My third favorite is word games. 




Ano said:


> When your wife complains that you guys don't spend enough time together or have date nights.
> 
> Money and babysitter (if needed) are no excuse.
> 
> ...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

costa200 said:


> Well, what you're saying really works for some women. Yet, there are a fringe who will not be please by that. They say something along the lines of "he doesn't make an effort".
> 
> I distinctively remember a female colleague telling me that she felt her husband took her for granted because he took her to some cheap restaurant instead of a romantic restaurant with... "atmosphere" she said. So its all about knowing your woman.


I have to terribly agree with this, some women would be HAPPY... but some expect alot more...& might even spit on such an effort. I think we are all "High maintenace" in one area or another, the trick is for the man to figure out where....For me...its affection, his Time, a little gushy Romance. 

But on High Class anything, I could pretty much care less.... take me for a walk and we can eat berries on a trail -I'd be happy ! Pick me up some flowers on the side of the road -coming home & hand them to me - to put in my own vase, I'd  at such things....but all women are surely not this way...they'd think ..."Boy is he ever cheap!! and go rant to a friend!" 

Its all in one's priorities and what makes her TICK, her level of expectation too. I think when the Chemisty is flowing....you can have a blast anywhere... laughter in an elevator, sharing a cone at a little ice cream stand along the road.... It's not about the restaurant, or even the movie, but who you are with & how you feel about them....and how they feel about you.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I'd be happy if he would cook dinner... just once a week. I'd be happy if he made any effort at all. Our dates the last few months have been planned by me. He just went along with it. And that includes our anniversary! Kids were at my parents' house all night... he wanted to sleep at the normal bedtime/early. So much for long night of plans. Sigh...


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think it's pretty easy to fall into the rut of taking our spouses for granted...we forget to do those little things for them that show we care about them...and like you said, Ano, those things don't always have to be big things...it's really just being willing to take the initiative and simply DO for them.

And Mistys dad is right too...it goes both ways. As wives, we should also be looking for the things, big or small, that we can do for our husbands, that will enrich their lives, support them, show them we appreciate and care for them. 

Best wishes.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Have any of you seen this thread >>> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/51062-money-evil.html

It is so outrageous, one has to wonder if the poster is a Troll, if not, he might as well :BoomSmilie_anim: himself in the head to please her.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

The OP,[Ano] is 100% correct in all of her assumptions.
There is no " free size " or " one size fits all " solution to this problem.
Men sometimes think of it in that way.
So, I love to purchase expensive fragrances for my wife etc. I like to carry her to the finest restaurants,etc. It makes me feel good!
But what does she like?
She likes it when we are snuggling under the covers looking at one of her " fuzzy chick flicks."
She likes it when I shampoo her hair and massage her scalp.
She likes it when I help her with her garden plants.
She likes it when I do stuff [ non sexual ] with her.

Funny how the simple non sexual stuff she likes,always have a big spill over effect in the bedroom.......


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Ano said:


> When your wife complains that you guys don't spend enough time together or have date nights.
> 
> Money and babysitter (if needed) are no excuse.
> 
> ...


Sounds pretty boring to me. *yawn*


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Enchantment,
A few months ago we were having a tough weekend - with each other. I am sure it was a mutual thing and I don't even recall what the tension was about. What I do remember was early Sunday afternoon my w comes into the bedroom and says: the rest of the day is "all about you, so tell me what you want and it will happen". And of course - that - was part of what we did but I just remember feeling this glow the whole rest of the day and most of the following week. 


OTE=Enchantment;908064]I think it's pretty easy to fall into the rut of taking our spouses for granted...we forget to do those little things for them that show we care about them...and like you said, Ano, those things don't always have to be big things...it's really just being willing to take the initiative and simply DO for them.

And Mistys dad is right too...it goes both ways. As wives, we should also be looking for the things, big or small, that we can do for our husbands, that will enrich their lives, support them, show them we appreciate and care for them. 

Best wishes.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Last night, H made popcorn (sooo good...oil in the pan!) and we watched old westerns. (We're getting into old westerns and have been watching them a lot!). It was great!


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

We usually do dinner and a movie or dinner and shopping just about every weekend, and maybe one weekend a month we will stay home and order in chinese food and rent a PPV movie.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> Not to get too personal into your own psyche here, but what attracted you to him in the first place.


I would have to say his funny, dorky personality. He's really very childish within and at some points its aggravating, but overall I love it. We laugh a lot.

When I see something so cute at the toy store while were letting our son pick something out, he'll secretly buy it for me a few weeks later and be like "I have a surprise for you!" Not that I would ever play with it, but it does put a silly smile on my face when he gives it to me. 

I think its the pointless silly things that attracted me most to him.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> Its not the money spent that makes it special. *I think men tend to forget this sometimes.*
> 
> Yes, it's the man's fault, for sure.
> 
> ...


Lol! Aww.. I didn't mean it in a sexist way, I just mean that -usually- its the wife complaining that their hubbys are not giving them enough attention vs. the hubs complaining that the wife are ignoring them.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Ano said:


> Lol! Aww.. I didn't mean it in a sexist way, I just mean that -usually- its the wife complaining that their hubbys are not giving them enough attention vs. the hubs complaining that the wife are ignoring them.


Well I guess you know that men and women generally have very different yardsticks against which they measure attention 

(Sorry, couldn't resist. I do know what you meant..)


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> Ano,
> Her favorite activity by far - my second favorite, is tennis. Close to free. About $1.
> 
> Her second favorite , is word games. My third favorite is word games.


MEM...I'm taking a wild guess here but is your very favorite activity sex with your wife?? BTW...that activity is usually free .


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm sure this bothers wives just as much as it bothers husbands when wives dont initiative fun time.

It sucks and they (we) need to do a better job there.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Oh my... lol. A tip for you women who pine away for a date night. When your no good lazy husband finally gets off his rear and gets the babysitter, and tickets to the concert, and dinner.... Do not make your husband wait an ungodly amount of time while you doll yourself up only to later complain about how fat you look. Do not start with snarky comments “about time”, do not act all miserable all evening because he should have ‘known’ you were in the mood for whatever (he picked something ‘wrong’). Do not spend your evening complaining, talking about the kids, and your terrible day at work; radiating negativity. AND when you get home, do not go straight back into mommy mode and nagging housewife because the babysitter didn’t clean the kitchen and the kids aren’t asleep yet and bark out orders.. Just because you are home doesn’t mean date night is over.

Basically, there may be a perfectly valid reason your husband parks his butt on the couch every night... it is simply more enjoyable, has a lot less frustration, takes a hell of lot less effort and planning, and you seem actually less mad about it than a date night. I might as well be a disappointment on my own terms rather than yours.	

Learn to appreciate what he gives as icing to the cake. This way, you won’t see any date night as some sort of failure and critique it like he’s being graded... It’s a date night, not some sort of test.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> The OP,[Ano] is 100% correct in all of her assumptions.
> There is no " free size " or " one size fits all " solution to this problem.
> Men sometimes think of it in that way.
> So, I love to purchase expensive fragrances for my wife etc. I like to carry her to the finest restaurants,etc. It makes me feel good!
> ...


I remember when we were so happy. I would stop and buy my wife her favorite chocolate bar. I would color her hair. I would sit and watch a chick flick with her and twice even cried with her. We would touch and talk and the magical way she touched my heart would cause me to make slow sweet love to her. I remember having a few candles for her and the bath water run. Rubbing her shoulders. Rubbing her feet then kissing them and more till we lost ourselves in each other. Talking with each other instead of at each other. Looking into her beautiful eyes and losing myself to thoughts of her precious love. Sharing the duties of living. Doing as many things as we could together. Hearing the sound of her voice and feeling my breathing stop for a second or two.
Sorry. Had to get that out.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

I've gone for the expensive angle, I've done the inexpensive angle. My wife has not been on a "date" with me in a few years and won't go. She always has an excuse/reason of some kind. One time she said no but asked me for the money I would have spent so she could put it on her credit card. After about the 10th rejection I told her if she wanted to go on a date to let me know or ask me out. That has not happened. Needless to say I began to slack off around the house. Not doing the little things that everyone says make such a difference to the relationship. In other words not giving a sH*t. It always astounds me that counselors offer "help out around the house a bit more to get her in the mood" - is the opposite true? - "have a little more intimacy to get him in the mood for more house helping" -


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Its all in one's priorities and what makes her TICK, her level of expectation too. I think when the Chemisty is flowing....you can have a blast anywhere... laughter in an elevator, sharing a cone at a little ice cream stand along the road.... It's not about the restaurant, or even the movie, but who you are with & how you feel about them....and how they feel about you.


That's it!

But when the chemistry isn't there, then it all falls apart. Funny thing, too, is what men do in place of that chemistry: spend a lot on the dinner, or let her pick the place even when they don't really like it, act way too nice to her, etc. 

So, my tip to the TAMs is to listen to your woman, make her laugh, connect with her, make her feel like $1M and it won't matter where you take her, she'll be happy.


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