# Husband has son just found out was his



## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

Here is my story, husband got letter from attorney general office regarding child support for a child whose mother used to be my best friend (since we were 5). Go throughout the procedures get a DNA test, child is his. The child is about to be 15, he & my husband have never met. The time that the child would have been conceived around oct 97, my husband & I were 10 months into our relationship. In march of 98 I became pregnant with our first child & we married in Sept. 98. The child was born in July 98, at the time I was still friends with this person, even witnessing the child's birth, not once did she tell me this could be my boyfriend's baby. Through out the years my friend became distant until all of a sudden we were no longer talking. I then started to here rumors that this was my husband's baby, I confronted him, first he denied having sex with her, then he admitted it, but he claim to not know anything about the baby being his because she had said close to 5 other people were the father. I confronted her, she denied him being the father, I left it at that. Fast forward to this week when we get the petition from child support court along with the DNA test results. I feel so betrayed, I just wish they would have been honest with me back in 97, if I would have known he slept with her, especially after to finding out she was pregnant, I would have left him alone. I feel that they took parts of my life out of my hands by keeping that away from me. I really resent her for waiting all this time, I mean almost 15 years. My husband & I have 2 kids 14 & 11, I don't even know how to explain this to them. To be honest I don't even want this child in their lives, I don't know him. I'm not even sure I still want to be in the marriage, we were already having problems & now this.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I would start talking to a therapist asap.....this is some heavy emotional stuff!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I really don't know if I believe the 'he just found out' part to be honest. He got a letter from attorney general which is not a route most people take immediately.

I'm pretty sure he had a good inkling before and may have been in denial. 

You heard rumors... Where did those come from? Your kids may have heard the rumors too so they may already know is my point.

You have a lot to take in here.

What is best for you...
What is best for your family...
What is best for your kids...
What is best for all the children...

The child who is 15 is innocent in this. Please remember he is a child and he is innocent in this. I know there is a ton of hurt going on now, just don't let the boy become your lightning rod.

Your H will have to deal with the child at least financially. You will have him in your life at some extent or another.

I am sorry you are here. I know there is a lot to deal with now and it can overwhelm you so try and focus on one issue at a time.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Take a deep breath and try to relax. I know it's difficult.

The rumors were out there so you knew there was a possibility -- especially after he admitted having sex with her. I'm sure he preferred to think he wasn't the dad because it got him off the hook in so many ways. Now he's going to have to pay child support although why the mom waited until the child was 15 to do this is strange. And there's the question of whether or not he will want the child in his life and your children's lives. 

Your life is affected by all of this, obviously. The question is whether this is a deal breaker for you. And only you can determine that.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Goodgrl said:


> I'm not even sure I still want to be in the marriage, we were already having problems & now this.


Spend some time alone to answer this question for yourself. The answer to this question drives how you should handle the situation. 

If you don't feel it's worth saving the marriage, this is the time to end it. If you want to try, you need to be all in (as does he). It won't be easy, and even if you try, no guarantee it will work out. The magnitude of the betrayal here is huge.

You can't really hide it from your kids. They have a 1/2 brother. They are going to find out someday. Best that you control how that news is broken to them. It's not the kids fault your husband and your ex-friend are idiots.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I'm sorry you had to be here.


Goodgrl said:


> My husband & I have 2 kids 14 & 11, I don't even know how to explain this to them. To be honest I don't even want this child in their lives, I don't know him. I'm not even sure I still want to be in the marriage, we were already having problems & now this.


Seek professional advice/counseling. It's way better to have a handle, control on how things are going to develope than letting things happend to you and your kids.
This child could contact them or your husband. It's natural. This woman also can run her mouth now things are in the open. You can't afford to have no control in how your kids will be informed. They could learn about this by third parties and they can feel betrayed by your husband and you.
It's also possible they want (now, in the future), meet this half brother. It's their story and life at the end.
I know it's not the same but this kind of secrets (like learning they are adopted) almost always find a way to be brought to light. Control it.


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

I wish I could go to counseling or even go be alone for a while. But my husband is not working right now so all the financial burden of our home & kids is on me right now, then this. That's another thing, I don't want the responsibility of his outside child. I've started my own business & I'm building something for my 2 kids, I don't think it's fair that I share that. I have a strong resentment for my ex-friend and my husband right now. I wish he would leave the house, but since both of his parents are deceased & he is an only child, he has no where to go. I pay the bills so me leaving is unfair to me. I am so embarrassed & feel so betrayed I don't even want to talk about it to my family & close friends. 

After receiving the petition, I contacted the ex-friend, because I felt at the time this happened, she was closer to me than him, I feel most betrayed by her, because he was just some guy to me, but she was like my sister. I feel that her motive is money, she was like all my husband has to do is deal with the state, she has nothing more to say to us.


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

I did ask my daughter when the rumors came out if there was a possibility of her having an older brother would she be interested in meeting him, her response was no. She is very protective of her family structure, she is the only one out of all her close friends who has both her parents in her life full-time living in the same home. I think this will be heart breaking for her, especially if I choose to leave the marriage, which I am considering the more I think about it. This is just to much for me right now.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

The really sad part is with you the only one working they might make you pay the child support. Go see an attorney specifically about this asap first! Then talk about d later, ugh what bs!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Could you avoid you paying support for the child by divorcing your husband?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Could you avoid you paying support for the child by divorcing your husband?


That's what she has to find out NOW.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Specialized legal advice ASAP.
Many potential scenarios. Only local family lawyers know probably.

Hope your husband is kicking his a$$ job hunting.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

tom67 said:


> The really sad part is with you the only one working they might make you pay the child support. Go see an attorney specifically about this asap first! Then talk about d later, ugh what bs!


I don't think that's true, but she will need to separate finances. If they file joint taxes she will need to file as an innocent spouse. She is not liable for his child, but since he's not working it will be her that ends up paying. OP,, if you even want to stay in this marriage (I wouldn't) a prerequisite needs to be that your hb gets a job and pays the support himself. Your trashy ex friend might just be out for money but if its his kid she is entitled to it. Have you had a dna test to confirm? The state will take the sl$t at her word unless he forces the issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Unfortunately, it won't be up to your children (or you) whether or not their half-brother is in their lives. That choice will belong to your husband. And if he chooses for them to meet his other child then it will happen. 

It's a sad situation and you have been betrayed but it's reality. You need to be strong for your children. And start thinking about a plan. You don't have to decide this moment to stay or go. But you do need to start thinking ahead to the day when you do make that decision and what you will do once you make it.


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

In our state, they cant require me to support his child with my income. My business is in my name alone as well as my business acct.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Goodgrl said:


> In our state, they cant require me to support his child with my income. My business is in my name alone as well as my business acct.


That's good to hear.


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't think that's true, but she will need to separate finances. If they file joint taxes she will need to file as an innocent spouse. She is not liable for his child, but since he's not working it will be her that ends up paying. OP,, if you even want to stay in this marriage (I wouldn't) a prerequisite needs to be that your hb gets a job and pays the support himself. Your trashy ex friend might just be out for money but if its his kid she is entitled to it. Have you had a dna test to confirm? The state will take the sl$t at her word unless he forces the issue.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, there has been a DNA test confirming he is the father


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

Goodgrl said:


> I wish I could go to counseling or even go be alone for a while. But my husband is not working right now so all the financial burden of our home & kids is on me right now, then this. That's another thing, I don't want the responsibility of his outside child. I've started my own business & I'm building something for my 2 kids, I don't think it's fair that I share that. I have a strong resentment for my ex-friend and my husband right now. I wish he would leave the house, but since both of his parents are deceased & he is an only child, he has no where to go. I pay the bills so me leaving is unfair to me. I am so embarrassed & feel so betrayed I don't even want to talk about it to my family & close friends.
> 
> After receiving the petition, I contacted the ex-friend, because I felt at the time this happened, she was closer to me than him, I feel most betrayed by her, because he was just some guy to me, but she was like my sister. I feel that her motive is money, she was like all my husband has to do is deal with the state, she has nothing more to say to us.




See its hoes like this .........

Although what she said is its true (about your husband dealing with the state and not her)but she is something else not even apologizing... wow what happen in her childhood....


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

Her mom was a crackhead, we used to be have to go get her out of crack houses when we were just 8 & 9 years old, she has 10 other brothers and sisters. We had to call the ambulance at least 5 times I can think of from her mom overdosing. When I say we were best friends I mean I was with this girl through thick & thin, I had a stable home environment & my family was pretty well off, we did a lot for her, I threw her a surprise sweet 16 pool party in my backyard, that was the first birthday party she had ever had. I guess that's why this is so hard for me. Although the betrayal was long ago it feels like it just happened because there is child that to me will be a constant reminder


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Goodgrl said:


> Her mom was a crackhead, we used to be have to go get her out of crack houses when we were just 8 & 9 years old, she has 10 other brothers and sisters. We had to call the ambulance at least 5 times I can think of from her mom overdosing. When I say we were best friends I mean I was with this girl through thick & thin, I had a stable home environment & my family was pretty well off, we did a lot for her, I threw her a surprise sweet 16 pool party in my backyard, that was the first birthday party she had ever had. I guess that's why this is so hard for me. Although the betrayal was long ago it feels like it just happened because there is child that to me will be a constant reminder


That is a horrible betrayal sorry to hear that.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I hear ya. I wouldn't want to pay child support for another kid he fathered and had the audacity to lie to your face about.

What has he said about all of this?

Is he looking for a job?

What do YOU want?


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

He acting all sad about the situation. Then i tried to discuss some things like our finances & how i feel & he gets snappy so I'm really not talking to him. I honestly can't stand the sight of him right now, I wish he could go somewhere for while, but he refuses to leave. 

Yes he is looking for a job, & trying to get back in school, he was doing this prior this situation. 

Right now I want to go slap the cramp out of my ex friend, other than that I don't know. I'm not sure i can deal with this, it's just too much.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Goodgrl said:


> Yes, there has been a DNA test confirming he is the father


This is bugging me? When and how did they get your husband's DNA? He had to meet up to give them the DNA and he never told you?

I had more, but I'll wait for the answer.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ah, the plot thickens. Had not even thought about that Phillybeff.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Has he apologized at least?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Oops, my bad.


> Go throughout the procedures get a DNA test, child is his.


I see that was probably supposed to be an "S." My apologies. I'll ask a different question. Do you know how long they had contact? I work and know single fathers. When something like this goes down, it is usually after a huge fight. You need to find out if he was paying her "child support" under the table behind your back. I mean it is awfully coincidental that he loses his job and suddenly child support papers appear.....


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> This is bugging me? When and how did they get your husband's DNA? He had to meet up to give them the DNA and he never told you?
> 
> I had more, but I'll wait for the answer.


He received a letter to come to the attorney general office, he went there and had the test done, this was on May 9th, he got served with the lawsuit from the state on yesterday with the test results and a court date to determine child support. She just filed child support in the past few months, they don't tell us the day she did it, they automatically request a DNA test when child support is filed & no father is listed on the birth certificate


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Has he apologized at least?


Yes


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Oops, my bad.
> I see that was probably supposed to be an "S." My apologies. I'll ask a different question. Do you know how long they had contact? I work and know single fathers. When something like this goes down, it is usually after a huge fight. You need to find out if he was paying her "child support" under the table behind your back. I mean it is awfully coincidental that he loses his job and suddenly child support papers appear.....


He got laid off in 2011, as far as I know, they have had no contact, he has never met his son. The girl moved to another city with the child & just came back here about 3 years ago.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Oof im sorry your here, that's a tough one. Its obviously gonna set him back with the back arrears of child support. And all for a lie that's been festering for over a decade. It must feel like the ultimate betrayal. I wish you luck in what you need to do next.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Goodgrl said:


> He got laid off in 2011, as far as I know, they have had no contact, he has never met his son. The girl moved to another city with the child & just came back here about 3 years ago.


I'd check, it is just strange to wait fifteen years to get money. Get your business protected now. If she is being vindictive they can hit him with 15 years of child support arrears.


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I'd check, it is just strange to wait fifteen years to get money. Get your business protected now. If she is being vindictive they can hit him with 15 years of child support arrears.


That's what I'm worried about, I just got a bigger house before he lost his job, a new car, we have taken family trips to Europe, the Caribbean since she has been back in town, I'm sure she is hearing things from others about our life. But this is done with my money. 

I have asked him to be completely honest about their contact & I'm sure he has, I don't believe it was a secret relationship going on, but if it was & he lied about it, that will be the end of my marriage right then.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I think the OMW was probably collecting money from the state..With the father still alive, the state is now pursuing the WH


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Goodgrl said:


> That's what I'm worried about, I just got a bigger house before he lost his job, a new car, we have taken family trips to Europe, the Caribbean since she has been back in town, I'm sure she is hearing things from others about our life. But this is done with my money.
> 
> I have asked him to be completely honest about their contact & I'm sure he has, I don't believe it was a secret relationship going on, but if it was & he lied about it, that will be the end of my marriage right then.


Still wondering how they got h's dna. Was he ordered by the court? Strange.


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Still wondering how they got h's dna. Was he ordered by the court? Strange.


I answered that, he got a letter after she filed child support, on My 9 he submitted his DNA to the attorney general office.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> I think the OMW was probably collecting money from the state..With the father still alive, the state is now pursuing the WH


Could be. GG, were the documents in her name or the state representing her?

You'll then know if she filed herself or if it is for DES.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Goodgrl said:


> I answered that, he got a letter after she filed child support, on My 9 he submitted his DNA to the attorney general office.


Thanks sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Could be. GG, were the documents in her name or the state representing her?
> 
> You'll then know if she filed herself or if it is for DES.



The petition is her vs him, she is the plaintiff, he is the defendant


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Okay, then she most likely filed by herself. My ex fiance was on assistance and I put myself on child support. All of our court documents were "me vs her" with mention of the state agency that filed. It may be different in your state, but a record check will let you know who filed for sure.


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## Loving hubby (May 31, 2013)

I aplogize if i didn't see it before, but from what i understand, you knew he had sex with the woman while you were together. you also said that you and her were closer then you and him, so you probably were not that serious with your husband at the timeat the time. While I despise cheating before or after marriage, from what I understand you are upset at him for getting the woman pregnant and having a child even though he never knew about the child. If he has been faithful ever since and you have already accepted his apology, then just because that affair led to a baby that no one but the mother knew about shouldn't push you over the line to divorce. I would be very upset at the mother for dropping this on you now instead of telling you about it when it happened. If I were your husband, I would be upset at her also for taking away all of those years with his son (I couldn't live without my daughter). That being said, I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this and I hope you and your family can get through this. God bless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goodgrl (Jun 21, 2013)

Loving hubby said:


> I aplogize if i didn't see it before, but from what i understand, you knew he had sex with the woman while you were together. you also said that you and her were closer then you and him, so you probably were not that serious with your husband at the timeat the time. While I despise cheating before or after marriage, from what I understand you are upset at him for getting the woman pregnant and having a child even though he never knew about the child. If he has been faithful ever since and you have already accepted his apology, then just because that affair led to a baby that no one but the mother knew about shouldn't push you over the line to divorce. I would be very upset at the mother for dropping this on you now instead of telling you about it when it happened. If I were your husband, I would be upset at her also for taking away all of those years with his son (I couldn't live without my daughter). That being said, I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this and I hope you and your family can get through this. God bless.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I found out after the fact they slept together, but yes at the time I was closer to her than I was to him & I would have broken up with him. I found out they slept together after we had been married and had our second child.

Thank you to everyone, I really hope my family & I can get through this, but right now it's not looking so good


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