# Don’t know what to do



## Smooth1981

I’m 36 and wife is 35, we have 2 kids together and been married 10 years. I’ll go straight into the issue. At our 8 year mark, I deployed for 9 months while she was in school. Come to find out she was extra friendly with another man on an emotional level. We were Seperated when I came back from the deployment for 7 months and moved back in. Ever since then, things haven’t been the same. We barely have sex, I noticed she’s drinking often and she’s working/Back in school for her RN. I think she is having a midlife crisis, depression or something. She totally shut me out and now all she cares about is her friends. We been living in separate rooms living different lives. I try all the time to communicate, tell her how I feel and it seems as if she cares less. I total her if she truly wanted a divorce, I would let her go. We live in military housing and we would need to be Seperated 1 year according to NC. She doesn’t respond to me when I ask that. We have been living in a Limbo state for over a year and a half now and it’s miserable. I know she recently started going back to church and she is on Prozac/adderral. I just don’t know wether it’s a mental thing or what. She never was like this until she started hanging around her friends and started drinking. Now she’s always on her phone ect...please give me advice because I’m so hurt and confused on what I should do.


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## chillymorn69

Quit chasing her!

Start taking things as they are be aloof . Ignor her! See a laywer!

Seperate your finances!

Get good sleep!

No kids? Then kick her to the curb!


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## Personal

Just dump her and move on for your own sake. Seriously your life will be so much easier, not being in a sexual relationship with someone you shouldn't trust and who doesn't want to have sex with you.


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## Evinrude58

Your wife was with another man and fell out of love with you. She cheated, it’s obvious. 
Once that happens, the feelings for you never came back. They won’t.
Honestly, your only option is to file for divorce and find another woman who will live you. Don’t let her treat you like this. She’s using you for a roommate.
Don’t live that way.

It’s your choice. Divorce would be far better than living as you describe.
She broke the vows.

Set yourself free to find happiness. Let go of the albatross around your neck.


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## BluesPower

*Re: Don’t know what to do*



Evinrude58 said:


> Your wife was with another man and fell out of love with you. She cheated, it’s obvious.
> Once that happens, the feelings for you never came back. They won’t.
> Honestly, your only option is to file for divorce and find another woman who will live you. Don’t let her treat you like this. She’s using you for a roommate.
> Don’t live that way.
> 
> It’s your choice. Divorce would be far better than living as you describe.
> She broke the vows.
> 
> Set yourself free to find happiness. Let go of the albatross around your neck.


This is spot on. And to be even more explicative, No she was not emotionally involved with another man while you were deployed, she was banging him, and probably still is. 

So you were kind of stupid to believe that in the first place but I understand that you are young for the most part. 

She won't talk about it and won't say she wants a divorce because she does not want to lose that base housing. She is trying to finish school on your dime, in your base housing, and more than likely she is still seeing the same guy. 

At this point, you need to file for divorce, it is about your only option...


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## SunCMars

Mixing alcohol with any of those drugs you listed is very bad, indeed.
It compounds her problems.

Yes, it is a mental thing.


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## Marc878

Check your phone bill her boyfriends number will be there.

Sorry man


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## Smooth1981

I do have children and we currently live together. Cause I’m in the military and she is my dependent, I just can’t kick her out. I am financially obligated by the military to support her until the divorce is finalized. So I’m going to have to move out and room with someone till it’s finalized. I have to seek legal advice first before I moved out the house because she already told me she’s not moving. She said she never cheated which is a bold faced lie cause I caught her chatting with this guy


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## Smooth1981

EVINRUDE58, I totally agree with you. I was hoping we could throw all of our problems on the table. All I ever asked for was honesty. I gave it a year and a half...I know I might be stupid, but we have children together and I know she drinks a lot more than she didnthe 8 previous years. It’s just heart breaking


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## sokillme

@Cromer

Ask her if she cheated on you. Sounds like she did and is dealing with the aftermath. Force the issue. Get the book "Not just friends" read it together.


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## Smooth1981

I did ask her if she slept with him, she denies it. She said he was just a friend she hung around. I have a hard time believing it cause this guy is such a piece of s**t. He ended up knocking up some girl while he was married, and apparently he was cheating with lots of woman. My wife and him where in class together so I guess they built that emotional connection. Regardless, she overstepped the boundaries and tried to down play it. Coming back from a 9 month deployment I was devastated cause she had my kids around him as well. She is in straight denial. Not sure if it’s the alcohol, her being selfish, mental issues or all of the above. I’m not saying I didn’t have my faults as a husband but she could have communicated that with me and we could have sought counseling. It’s miseravle living like roommates


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## jlg07

Have her take a polygraph -- you will find out that she is full of it. VERY sorry you are going through this.
Make sure you get your finances protected, and get a legal review to protect yourself and your children.


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## Openminded

Then put those actions you need to take in motion because for sure she no longer cares about you.


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## Smooth1981

It’s mind of obvious she doesn’t care or we would be working it out.

I asked her if we could talk to as mature adults to figure everything out to make it a smooth transition. She responded back via text “I never Cheated on you. Goodnight”. She is trying to avoid it all. I revisited it this morning and sent a text and told her we just need to be mature about everything. She hasn’t responded back. At this point I’m ready to move forward because I gave it all I had to right the wrongs and to also give her the opportunity to be honest and straight forward. She changed dramatically and I hope she gets the help she needs. I just have to figure everything out financially because I pulled loans to help out our family and it won’t be easy paying support and trying to live on my own. It’s crazy how the one that gets played is often the one who continues to feel the blow so to speak.


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## farsidejunky

Knowing she has lied to you, why would you ask her an additional question that requires honesty?

She has shown you who she is. It sounds like you are starting to believe her.

Look, man. So you have to bite the bullet and live in barracks for a while... Yes, it will suck not seeing your kids everyday. But at least you will be. Of somebody who's shown her willingness to stab you in the back.

Love yourself enough to refuse to tolerate the Intolerable.

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky

*Re: Don’t know what to do*



Smooth1981 said:


> It’s mind of obvious she doesn’t care or we would be working it out.
> 
> I asked her if we could talk to as mature adults to figure everything out to make it a smooth transition. She responded back via text “I never Cheated on you. Goodnight”. She is trying to avoid it all. I revisited it this morning and sent a text and told her we just need to be mature about everything. She hasn’t responded back. At this point I’m ready to move forward because I gave it all I had to right the wrongs and to also give her the opportunity to be honest and straight forward. She changed dramatically and I hope she gets the help she needs. I just have to figure everything out financially because I pulled loans to help out our family and it won’t be easy paying support and trying to live on my own. It’s crazy how the one that gets played is often the one who continues to feel the blow so to speak.


What has talking with her gotten you to this point?

I would send her one more text.

"Wife, I will be filing for divorce no later than May 20th. It would behoove us both to work out the terms of our divorce without attorneys being involved."

Also, the next time she answers a question that you did not ask by insisting she didn't cheat, say this:

"Whether you cheated or not is irrelevant, and I no longer care. What I do care about is that I don't trust you, and I won't remain married to somebody I can't trust."

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## rv10flyer

*Re: Don’t know what to do*

Cheaters lie, deny, hide and will blame you until the end. Some even lie when you have solid proof. She does not want her affair out in public, as it will hurt her and her lover’s reputation. There are easy ways to prove it. There is no such thing as “just friends”. I bet she has her phone password protected and does not let you near it. Like was mentioned above, she is using you until she gets her RN and bringing in $50K+. Good luck.


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## Smooth1981

RV, I totally agree with you. I just have to find the courage to go through with it. It’s hard giving 10 years and 2 children out of it. I went through a bad divorce in 2003 after I returned from Iraq (have 1 son with my ex wife). She cheated and I spent thousands going through the court system and still lost even though she cheated (Had no solid evidence). All of you posters are right. I know what I have to do. She is just using me as a safety net. I honestly was hoping she would move out, cause why should I have to redirect my whole life because of her messed up decisions. A part of me is holding on to what she used to be and how she used to treat me. It baffles me how someone can do a 180 that fast after 8 years of marriage.


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## BluesPower

*Re: Don’t know what to do*



Smooth1981 said:


> RV, I totally agree with you. I just have to find the courage to go through with it. It’s hard giving 10 years and 2 children out of it. I went through a bad divorce in 2003 after I returned from Iraq (have 1 son with my ex wife). She cheated and I spent thousands going through the court system and still lost even though she cheated (Had no solid evidence). All of you posters are right. I know what I have to do. She is just using me as a safety net. I honestly was hoping she would move out, cause why should I have to redirect my whole life because of her messed up decisions. A part of me is holding on to what she used to be and how she used to treat me. It baffles me how someone can do a 180 that fast after 8 years of marriage.


You know, you are not a stupid man. You read and write well. You serve you country well or you would not still be there, and thank you for your service. 

But let's admit that our picker is broken, and I mean that your picker is seriously screwed up. And if you are going to stay in the military, then maybe you don't want to get married again until you are out. 

I mean, if you stay in the military, you are libel go have to deploy again, and it really takes a special women to deal with that, and frankly you don't seem to be choosing the right women in the first place. 

So maybe hold off a while, and for goodness sake, divorce this leech of a woman and get her out of your life. 

And, you know she is lying about the cheating, right. She is just trying to keep you buffaloed and off her back until she gets out of school...


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

*Re: Don’t know what to do*



Smooth1981 said:


> It’s mind of obvious she doesn’t care or we would be working it out.
> 
> I asked her if we could talk to as mature adults to figure everything out to make it a smooth transition. She responded back via text *“I never Cheated on you. Goodnight”.* She is trying to avoid it all. I revisited it this morning and sent a text and told her we just need to be mature about everything. She hasn’t responded back. At this point I’m ready to move forward because I gave it all I had to right the wrongs and to also give her the opportunity to be honest and straight forward. She changed dramatically and I hope she gets the help she needs. I just have to figure everything out financially because I pulled loans to help out our family and it won’t be easy paying support and trying to live on my own. It’s crazy how the one that gets played is often the one who continues to feel the blow so to speak.


Hopefully you divorce her soon enough that you never get a response like that again. That should be the last. If not I hope your response next time is "Goodbye".


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## Smooth1981

UPDATE: So today is her pinning ceremony for her Nurse Program. All through the week we had been arguing and she told me on a few occasions that she just wanted her family (Mom/Dad/Sister/Kids) there. Everyone but me. So today roles around and I told her I would have her mom pick up the kids to take them to the pinning. She responds that I’m “immature and that our marriage is over”. I proceeded to tell her that I’m sorry she felt that way and that if a divorce is what she wants that I’m ok with it. Told her I was tired of all the disrespect and lies anyways plus living like roommates was getting old......she didn’t respond back. In my heart I wanted to be there to support her, but I don’t get along with her sister and I didn’t want the drama of it all plus seeing all the other happy families there and I’m miserable with my wife. So instead, I’m going out with the boys to have a few beers. At the end of the day I was transparent and communicated my feelings towards everything. I upheld my portion and now she can feel how I felt.


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## Smooth1981

If she wants a divorce, I’ll be waiting on the papers. In the meantime, I’m going to do what’s best for me and my children.


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## Marc878

Like a lot you can't make a decision so you'll linger in this awhile.

Hard 180. You keep talking and it's getting you nothing.

IN this situation letting her drive is a real bad idea.


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## Smooth1981

MARC, I had a come to god moment...I’m not happy anyways, so it can’t be any worse than the way she is treating me. I told her to go ahead and file. Told her I’m done putting up with the crap


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## Marc878

*Re: Don’t know what to do*

Sorry youre here but thats just more talk. no action which means you are keeping yourself under her control.

File yourself. weakness will keep you where you are letting her decide your fate.

wake up and take charge of your life. if you want to have one.

the only one keeping you where you are is you.


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## Openminded

You should be the one who files. If she files, that puts her in control of the process and she can delay it -- or stop it -- any time she feels like it. You don't want that.


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## Kamstel

I’m sorry for you, but I’m glad you have come to the conclusion you did.

Open minded is 100% correct.

YOU need to file and be in control over the process!

Can you see a lawyer on Monday?

Good luck


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## Marc878

As long as you continue to give yourself as an option you'll just get played.

You can't take yourself out of the equation you'll remain where you are. Stuck


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## Smooth1981

As you know lawyers are not free, moving out is not free. Unless someone wants to help give me some money I’ll get it done today!!! I know what I have to do.i been through a divorce and it costed me thousands. Have to prepare financially


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## Marc878

A hard 180 is free


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## Smooth1981

I agree marc. It’s tough living under the same roof. I wish she would move out


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## arbitrator

*Re: Don’t know what to do*



Smooth1981 said:


> I’m 36 and wife is 35, we have 2 kids together and been married 10 years. I’ll go straight into the issue. At our 8 year mark, I deployed for 9 months while she was in school. Come to find out she was extra friendly with another man on an emotional level. We were Seperated when I came back from the deployment for 7 months and moved back in. Ever since then, things haven’t been the same. We barely have sex, I noticed she’s drinking often and she’s working/Back in school for her RN. I think she is having a midlife crisis, depression or something. She totally shut me out and now all she cares about is her friends. We been living in separate rooms living different lives. I try all the time to communicate, tell her how I feel and it seems as if she cares less. I total her if she truly wanted a divorce, I would let her go. We live in military housing and we would need to be Seperated 1 year according to NC. She doesn’t respond to me when I ask that. We have been living in a Limbo state for over a year and a half now and it’s miserable. I know she recently started going back to church and she is on Prozac/adderral. I just don’t know wether it’s a mental thing or what. She never was like this until she started hanging around her friends and started drinking. Now she’s always on her phone ect...please give me advice because I’m so hurt and confused on what I should do.


*Alcohol and those two particular drugs are a consummate "no-brainer." She ought to know better given the fact that she's got kids to help raise! Sounds like the only reason that you're back together is that you are her "Plan B" until such time that her "Plan A" comes along!

I'd be talking to competent legal counsel pronto in helping to put an end to such a sham of a relationship!

I'd say that you deserve far better out of life!*


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## Smooth1981

Can you do a divorce 180 while living under the same roof? I’m trying to get my finances in order before I am even able to make moves. It’s been hard for the children living in this environment as well. She is very selfish and I’ll give an example. I asked her to go to the beach with me and the kids because it was my sons birthday the following day. She refused to come and told the kids that she will gonwith the kids a different day. Later that day after me and the kids get home she says “Are you going to be home later, cause I wanted to go out with my friend “Khylene”. I am so ready to get this behind me and date someone who actually wants to be with me. I doubt I ever get married again cause the 2 I selected proved to me not to be faithful


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## Smooth1981

She can go out with her friends, but can’t spend the day with our family. That’s all the answer I need


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## Marc878

Her actions tell you all you need to know.

A 180 can be achieved anywhere. She's doing it to you.

Most will make every excuse to talk, talk and talk. It gets you nothing.

If you can't get strong and go your own way this is what you get.

The only thing that keeps you where you are is lack of willpower.


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## Smooth1981

Marc, I hear you but you make it seem so easy to do. It’s really tough. It sucks having emotions and I know I have to move on with my life. It would be easier if she wasn’t living under the same roof. As you suggested though, I have nothing to lose by doing the 180.


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## Vinnydee

My fiancé cheated on me when I was in combat for a year. Had sex with a friend of mine who is now out as gay. If not for my best friend finding out, I would have married her as planned as soon as I got back to the States. We broke up. My next girlfriend got distant and was stoned all the time. One day she walked into our living room where three of my combat buddies and I were watching a football game. We were all still in the Army with less than a year to go on our enlistments. She entered and boldly asked my three friends if they would gang bang her. No kidding. As I write this I still cannot believe it. Found out that she was dating one of them. Someone I trusted my life to in combat. 

I learned a lesson that women can cheat just as much as men can and seem to be better at keeping it a secret. After that I never trust anyone 100% when it comes to sex. Many women know guys through their male partners and form an emotional feeling for which starts as friendship. That makes it easier to lead to sex and as we all knows, sex can lead to love. 

Sometimes you just need to know when to walk away. My ex girlfriend used to be a cheerleader and was very hot. As she got a few years older she gained a little weight and needed constant validation from men that she was still sexually desirable. What she did not know was that men find all sure things sexually desirable. After I left her she continued for a few months until she called me. We met for lunch and she shocked me when she said that she wanted me to impregnate her due to my good genes. I did have it all back then but now I am old and balding. 

She wanted to have a child and go back to the farm to live with her mother with no man in her life. She did not want me to have any contact with a child we made. I told her no regardless of any terms she had. Plus I would leave myself open to paying child support should it not work out with her mom. She realized that what she was doing was ruining her life. Drugs, sex with strangers, seeking group sex and as I found out, a secret bi girlfriend whom she saw on occasion. 

I am married 46 years. There was a time when my wife got like yours. She started drinking and never wanted sex again. Turned out that she is bisexual and her religion and upbringing let her believe that she was an abomination and yet she could not stop fantasizing about women. We got her a girlfriend who we shared and she got better again. It took awhile to get used to living with two women, but it worked our very well for all of us and we had a happy life together, if somewhat non traditional. I went through stuff myself and in my case anti depressants fixed it. First thing to do is have her see a doctor. Either family doctor, Psychiatrist of Psychologist. Going to church seldom cures things other than having a Placebo effect which does not work most times. I find it interesting that people will brush off why God lets kids dies horrible deaths by saying free will and that God does not interfere in human affairs. Yet they pray to a God to end wars and cure their illnesses. You cannot have it both ways. 

Have her see a doctor. Most of them think they are gods anyway,


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## Smooth1981

UPDATE: I talked to my work and I will be moving in the barracks for a few weeks to get away from everything. I will be seeing Legal on Thursday and see what my rights are.


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## Smooth1981

I apprecite all your responses, especially Marc. After ready many different stories on the Divorce 180 Site, I realize I’m not alone. I need to focus on ME and move forward with my life. Today was my first 180 day and she already tried texting me and I ignored it. Tried calling me 5 times and I ignored it. I shouldn’t have to feel as though I’m plan B or an option. She will realize when I’m gone what she is missing. Affairs wether emotional or physical will fizzle out and one day that “Fog” will disappear and they will realize what they are missing out on and it will be too late. I’m already starting to feel better about myself. Just have to work on my confidence to get through it all and show her that I no longer care not just to her but for me. I will keep everyone posted and I appreciate all your responses. I will be packing up my bag tonight and moving into the Barracks. I will give her what her actions have showed me. I am in control of myself!!!


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## Adelais

If you move into the barracks, and your wife doesn't care about your children, who will take care of them?

Is it just that easy for you to move out on your children????

I feel more sad for your children than I do for you, if you can just move out on them so easily after being away from home for months at a time.


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## Smooth1981

Ara, she refuses to move out. It’s more toxic to have them in an toxic environment, which has affected them the last 2 weeks I been back. They don’t need to be around it. I will still pick them up from school. The only difference is I won’t be sleeping there. What am I supposed to do, be the baby sitter while she is out having her cake and always having me as a safety net/babysitter and let her walk all over me as a doormat? I did that for almost 2 years while she is in her “Fog”. I have to take action to show her I’m serious. If not, I will always be a sorry excuse for a man and a poor example for my children. I will always be there for my kids.

What would you do in my situation? I asked her to leave. She won’t.


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## Smooth1981

She does care about the children. She is just being selfish in the marriage. I’m done playing the “pick me” dance


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## Smooth1981

You think I like what I’m going through?? I tried my hardest the last 2 years since she had this emotional/physical affair. The question is why can’t SHE get the help she needed to keep our family together? I did everything in my power. I can’t make a marriage work by myself


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## jlg07

*Re: Don’t know what to do*



Smooth1981 said:


> I apprecite all your responses, especially Marc. After ready many different stories on the Divorce 180 Site, I realize I’m not alone. I need to focus on ME and move forward with my life. Today was my first 180 day and she already tried texting me and I ignored it. Tried calling me 5 times and I ignored it. I shouldn’t have to feel as though I’m plan B or an option. She will realize when I’m gone what she is missing. Affairs wether emotional or physical will fizzle out and one day that “Fog” will disappear and they will realize what they are missing out on and it will be too late. I’m already starting to feel better about myself. Just have to work on my confidence to get through it all and show her that I no longer care not just to her but for me. I will keep everyone posted and I appreciate all your responses. I will be packing up my bag tonight and moving into the Barracks. I will give her what her actions have showed me. I am in control of myself!!!


The ONLY thing you need to communicate with her are for two things: a) related to divorce, and b) related to your kids. Other than that, continue to ignore her. AND this is NOT to try and punish her -- it is so that YOU can start to detach for your own mental health. Focus on YOU and your kids. Get/stay healthy (work out/sleep/eat) and get your finances/lawyer lined up.


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## Smooth1981

Jlg, that’s EXACTLY what I’m doing. I was consumed by what she was doing and not focusing on the things I have control of. If that’s the life she wants to have now, she can have it. I know have the dignity and self respect I didn’t have before to move forward. I asked for the honest truth, but I don’t think she is even mentally capable of telling me it and she still lies about thing I know that are fact cause my kids where around it while I was deployed. She had no respect or remorse, so why should I even care about a person who doesn’t even have good morals or respect for herself much less her marriage. I don’t even try to reason anymore. I’m going to focus on the best father and man I can be. I will continue the 180 and proceed with going to legal


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## jlg07

^^^^^
Amen. Way to go! you got this...


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## Smooth1981

After doing a full 180 she reached out to me. She said if were able to repair things good and if not at least will be able to communicate better for our kids. I don’t think that’s a bad option right now. At least I’ll be able to get closure on all the unresolved answers that I had in our marriage. I did tell her if she had sex with another man that is a game changer and I would never be able to stay married to her. We haven’t tried marriage counseling it all in our almost 10 years of marriage, so I figure I will give it a try at least for my kids and for peace of mind on all the questions I have.


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## Herschel

That’s not the 180. That’s a 90 and looking over to see if she is making a move. She did and you are back to where you were. This isn’t going to end well.


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## Smooth1981

Had a weak moment. Everyone does. After reconsideration I’m going back to the 180


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

S1981, don't give her conditions, don't telegraph what you are thinking. She already knows and has repeatedly lied, gas lighted, minimized, insulted you and brushed you off like something she stepped on. Now it starts getting real. It is up to her to make the changes that are required. Like being honest to start. 

180 180 180. You know she cheated, she knows she cheated. 180 and file. Sorry you are here.


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## BluesPower

*Re: Don’t know what to do*



Smooth1981 said:


> After doing a full 180 she reached out to me. She said if were able to repair things good and if not at least will be able to communicate better for our kids. I don’t think that’s a bad option right now. At least I’ll be able to get closure on all the unresolved answers that I had in our marriage. I did tell her if she had sex with another man that is a game changer and I would never be able to stay married to her. We haven’t tried marriage counseling it all in our almost 10 years of marriage, so I figure I will give it a try at least for my kids and for peace of mind on all the questions I have.





Smooth1981 said:


> Had a weak moment. Everyone does. After reconsideration I’m going back to the 180


Dude, am I reading this right? You actually considered taking her back, why I don't know. 

And then you changed your mind? 

I hope to hell that you changed your mind. 

I gather from these post, that you still, somehow, believe that she did not have sex with this other guy? 

And I reading that part right? 

Please tell me that you are not that stupid, are you?


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## ABHale

*Re: Don’t know what to do*



Smooth1981 said:


> I’m 36 and wife is 35, we have 2 kids together and been married 10 years. I’ll go straight into the issue. At our 8 year mark, I deployed for 9 months while she was in school. Come to find out she was extra friendly with another man on an emotional level. We were Seperated when I came back from the deployment for 7 months and moved back in. Ever since then, things haven’t been the same. We barely have sex, I noticed she’s drinking often and she’s working/Back in school for her RN. I think she is having a midlife crisis, depression or something. She totally shut me out and now all she cares about is her friends. We been living in separate rooms living different lives. I try all the time to communicate, tell her how I feel and it seems as if she cares less. I total her if she truly wanted a divorce, I would let her go. We live in military housing and we would need to be Seperated 1 year according to NC. She doesn’t respond to me when I ask that. We have been living in a Limbo state for over a year and a half now and it’s miserable. I know she recently started going back to church and she is on Prozac/adderral. I just don’t know wether it’s a mental thing or what. She never was like this until she started hanging around her friends and started drinking. Now she’s always on her phone ect...please give me advice because I’m so hurt and confused on what I should do.


File for divorce.


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## ABHale

*Re: Don’t know what to do*



Smooth1981 said:


> It’s mind of obvious she doesn’t care or we would be working it out.
> 
> I asked her if we could talk to as mature adults to figure everything out to make it a smooth transition. She responded back via text “I never Cheated on you. Goodnight”. She is trying to avoid it all. I revisited it this morning and sent a text and told her we just need to be mature about everything. She hasn’t responded back. At this point I’m ready to move forward because I gave it all I had to right the wrongs and to also give her the opportunity to be honest and straight forward. She changed dramatically and I hope she gets the help she needs. I just have to figure everything out financially because I pulled loans to help out our family and it won’t be easy paying support and trying to live on my own. It’s crazy how the one that gets played is often the one who continues to feel the blow so to speak.


Get a good lawyer that knows their business.


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## Smooth1981

I’m not saying if she did or didn’t have sex with the other guy. I am saying that her attitude completely changes after coming g back from my deployment a few years ago. You pretty much go through the stages of death honestly. I keep going through most of them but I am at the acceptance stage now. I don’t hurt as much anymore. I just wish I could get thebtruth and closure to move forward. Everyone can call me stupid all they want. Until you been in my shoes and felt what I feel, you know it’s not easy. I been doing hobbies and everything else to take my mind off it all. Been reading a few books I bought “divorce busting” and “panic to power”. Trying to make sure I make improvements within myself for me, so I don’t bring the same mistakes in my next relationship


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## BarbedFenceRider

So, now it is almost the end of the year....What has happened to dear ole' "smooth"???

Did the 180 stick? Did she up and leave?


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## jlg07

@Smooth1981, any updates? Hope you are doing well and moving forward...


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