# sex questions from your children



## shell10297 (May 31, 2013)

*Sex questions from your children*

Well i am new to this forum and glad i found the site. I am not in a relationship at the moment, but have kids so good to find a parenting forum.

Well i had my daughter come to me recently and ask questions around sex and masturbation. Look i have a real good and open relationship with my daughters, but i guess you are never really prepared when they come out of the blue.

I was a little embarrassed at first, but thought I handled it ok? I didn't go into any details, but mentioned it was ok to masturbate as its very natural and a good way to understand yourself.

I know there are people on here who would say you should keep this subject taboo and sweep it under the carpet.

My thoughts are you should have open lines of communication with your kids and teach them about things like this as it is good parenting.

Look i am no prude and think this is very natural part of life. As i am a single mum and do it myself, it would very hypercritical on my part if i tried to talk her out of it and say its wrong!!

I said to her if she needed more advice or help she should come to me anytime.

I would be interested to find out what people thoughts are on this and how they have gone about this conversation?


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

Depends on the age how in depth I go... how old is/was she when she asked?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

My daughter is 15yo and we have ALWAYS talked openly about sex. Since she was little, I ALWAYS insisted on correct terminology (breasts, NOT boobies....there's nothing cute and funny about them, they're a body part with functions; penis, vagina, testicles. I also taught her the slang expressions so she would know what other people/kids were talking about.)

When she asked what erectile disfunction is (damned tv commercials), I told her. When she asked about periods, I talked about it. She has come to me and told me about girls in 9th grade giving boys bj's. She knows she can ALWAYS come to me with questions, problems, concerns and I will NEVER laugh at her, or lecture her, or make her sorry she brought it up. I don't always APPROVE (that's my job as a parent/adult), but I DO discuss how better choices could be made by kids her age and even as they're all growing up!

Glad to hear your daughter is COMFORTABLE enough to discuss this. If she's OLD ENOUGH to ask, she's old enough for an HONEST ANSWER. More details as she gets older....general facts as she's younger!

You sound like an AWESOME mom your kids will be able to rely on in stressful times, shell10297!

.


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## SweetAltina (May 30, 2013)

I'm new to the forum too, but I agree with the OP. It's important to not lecture or make sex taboo. My mother had me covering my eyes until I was 16 whenever people would kiss on TV. I wasn't allowed to watch people make out/etc. It made sex very fascinating to me because I was just a child and forbidden things are always attractive.

I also never told her when I slept with someone the first time or when I had boyfriends because I knew she'd freak out and tease me. I use to hide a lot, much better to be open.

When my son/daughter grow up and want to know about sex I'm hoping I can be as open as you all.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

My wife is a bit uncomfortable talking to our kids about it. We both think it's good to be as open as possible, but she has a bit of a hard time doing so even if she thinks it's what we should do.

Both girls have figured out to come to me with questions because I will talk to them about it without embarrassment (on my end). My oldest (16) is a bit like mom so she doesn't talk as much. But the younger girl (13) is quite curious and open.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I try to be as open and straightforward as I can with their questions. But, yeah, some questions are easier to answer than others!


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

One thing that *I* think helps is to let them know when they're little... 'there are only TWO kinds of people in this world, people built like THIS and people built like THAT.'

It helps them realize when they're YOUNG that everybody is the same (despite physical differences, we're all MEN or WOMEN), and helps them realize as they grow that there is NOTHING NEW under the sun! EVERYBODY has felt like they do, or wondered what they wonder, or feared what they fear...they're not strange and different, just inexperienced, ignorant or curious. And those 3 things are all NORMAL!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My youngest is the only one that asked about masturbation. We've always been a very very open family and since I have daughters nudity is normal for us, except not with Mr. Pink. 

When my youngest was 11 I told her the word masturbation and explained touching ourselves in places that make us feel good- is GOOD to do. I wanted to differentiate masturbating from the normalcy, though socially unacceptable behavior, of say picking her nose. Everyone does that too but it is frowned upon for germ reasons. So masturbation is good to do cause it makes us feel good and helps us learn about our bodies. 

I told her about orgasm and fantasy, for her age orgasm would be a feeling of "completion" like the tension that was building was all gone and she would feel relaxed. I told her as she got older, that feeling of completion would become stronger and more easily recognizable as an orgasm. I explained that boys masturbate and as they are hit with the hormones of puberty, they would reach orgasm as well, but for a boy it is much more recognizable because of the ejaculate.

I told her that lots of people fantasize when they masturbate. They imagine someone special holding them or touching them. I explained sexual fantasies at her age might look like a kiss and a hug but as she got older those fantasies would change too. 

I told her she should always feel comfortable touching herself and that it was a healthy thing for everyone to do.

Two days later she asked me how often should she do it and at what age should she start doing it.

I told her babies masturbate and 100 year old people masturbate so touching yourself is something only you can decide if you want to or not. As far as how often a person should masturbate, whenever they are assured privacy and they feel like touching themselves. Some people every day, others less frequently.

Since that conversation we've had many many others. She has asked about kissing boys, why it feels so good... She asked this question last summer and it rather stumped me because I was not at all prepared.

"I just like kissing so much! I want to have (13 year old "boyfriend") over so we can kiss. Would that be wrong?"

So now the conversations are centered on normal surges causing sexual desire and want for emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. Age appropriate limits on physical intimacy, kissing on mouth with close hug okay for 13-14, but no touching private body parts. We talk about promiscuity, kissing the whole class of boys by the end of the year...not a good idea. We talk about saving oneself for a very special trusting, mature relationship. She asked me to get her a purity ring so she could have a tangible item that shows she is saving her virginity for marriage.

I was raised with NO information. I would rather give my girls too much information than too little.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

There are several good books that help discuss this topic in a light, fun way. We have some of those, but communication is the key as many have said. My son is now 12, and we have talked about many different aspects of how kid's bodies change, and the masturbation topic has came up too. Kids are getting lots of info from their friends very early, so it is smart to have these conversations early. My son is very comfortable talking to me about it, but is scared to ask Mom about it. He says it is more like "guy stuff". We continue to have an open dialogue any time he has questions. Information and communication is key here.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My kids have the my-body-my-self book for their genders, and when I recommended that they switch off books when they were done reading, they told me they'd already made arrangements to do that. 

We don't talk about it a lot, but it's talked about in approximate proportion to its presence in our lives. Which is to say, maybe 1-5% depending on what's going on in their lives. My son used to have quite a few girls sweet on him, not sure now what's going on with that. I think it's the age, he's nearly 13 and the girls his age are much more mature, on average, than the boys. My daughter has a boy friend but she is 9 so it's mostly in name only, and she is quite open about enjoying the many crushes she has besides the one so-called boy friend. 

Mostly my kids are friends to each other and they're close, even sharing a room and having to take turns changing in the a.m. and p.m. now that they're of the age where they have more modesty (my son more than my daughter, she still is unconcerned about being shirtless, but has no reason for modesty there, yet.) They have no sense of mystery about the opposite sex, I think this does change things a bit. They also talk to their friends about stuff, and are well-informed with their books regarding go-to facts vs. the various myths that are floating around.

I've also told them where the boundaries should be with their friends, and with others who are older and younger than them. They go to overnight camp, not that it's the only place where kids can run into confusing circumstances.


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

*Re: Sex questions from your children*

I haven't had to have that chat yet with mine, but it is natural and everyone does it... In fact, it is believed to be healthy.

The darkness of it was created by school kids who translated masturbation into "You're too much of a loser to have real sex"... Meanwhile, they were doing it too...

As grown ups, our spouses seem to take it personally or as a stab if you are doing it. Some almost view it as cheating. 

C'mon people! My wife can get mad about it all she wants but I know she does it too!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

*Re: Sex questions from your children*

Talking to a kid? I believe I'd approach it like this. Masturbation is natural, healthy, etc, etc. Taking a dump is natural and healthy. Both need to take place in private and your preacher or grandmother don't need to hear about either and I don't want to see any photos or video on the internet about it.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

To the OP...I applaud you! We did not do a very good job with our boys, partly because of or religious affiliation at the time. I would do exactly as you did if I had it to do over again. 

Neither my wife nor I got much from our parents. She got a little, I got nothing. It may have prevented getting her pregnant at 16 years old. Oh we'll, it turned out ok...we celebrate 41 years this summer.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

*Re: Sex questions from your children*

This book is a great one for girls. I got it for my daughter

Toni Weschler&apos;s Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen&apos;s Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body

It starts out by telling her to take a mirror and examine herself 'down there'. It's about girls being comfortable with their bodies and getting to know them.

I never really discussed masturbation with my kids - when they were quite little I told them it was something to do in private, when I would see them playing with themselves. But as they got older, the subject never came up.

Anything that did come up, I just answered their questions in an age appropriate manner.


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## greatpeter (May 24, 2013)

*Re: h*

A- life without sex is posible but not normal to my poin of view.
B- it feasible & reasonable to keep it alive if only your partner had an accident or sickness & you are having children making separation difficult. but even so he or she should aloud you have it else where 
C-without sex or intimacy you are room mate .


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## shell10297 (May 31, 2013)

Good to see the positive reponse from people. Wasn't sure if this was topic to bring up but can see some good parenting out there. 

I guess it is something that comes up in most households and everyone is different in how they handle it. 

From most peoples responses being open is the best practice. I guess embarassing to a point but rememeber they are your kids and how you teach them is how they turn out!


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## shell10297 (May 31, 2013)

Happy to chat to anymore if they want to chat further to discuss! Sharing best practices is good advice!


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