# this is an email from my H oct 11th PLEASE READ



## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

this part is from me .. and I havent talked to him since oct 11 no contact what so over to give him space and everything because up until this point i havent gave him space.



me....

Michael,

I see what you are saying . I know I was in the wrong for the things I had Done to you . I said my Sorry's I know it takes nothing away that I did Wrong but, I said what I felt I needed to say and what was from my heart. I am sorry I bring us Up alot Its Just I wanted to fight for my Marriage and well you have been a big part of my life and I have a heart and can't erase you from my heart as if I was a cold hearted person. 

you talk about how you drink right? Cause your in Pain? Well every Morning My stomach is in knots and theirs a burning feeling at the pit of my Stomach. and I feel Sharp pains threw out my body as the memories of us begin to replay in my head. Everything reminds me of you. Tv shows,movies,songs,food, Objects... everything makes me think of you so I dont know what to do with myself. theres not one day I am not in pain i sit and write and let it all out. but, the good thing is I am not drinking and havent I dont and wont have that in my life. that would kill me.. even if I feel I am slowly dying of heartace now. Just be careful with the drinking mikey. please write back. I am truely not trying to get on your bad side with bring us up but come on you know how I feel about u.. 


H..... 

his reply

I know how you feel just it's the probelms we hade in our marriage that I don't want to go on with. I know it's hard why do u think I don't ever stay home, there has been days when I call your name from my room where I live knowing your not there. But it's something I have to move pass n you say I am living it up. I go throught my days I don't even like comeing home from work everday cause I know if I did I will lose my mind. So I try n find stuf to do all day long. I read alot of books now no more video games n stay out as much as possible now. But these are thing I have to do to get ready for the life in front of me.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It seems from his response that he is in pain but it would be even MORE pain to come home. 

He is obviously trying to "busy" himself and forcing a good time. 

If you can better yourself during this time. If you can keep the no contact going for maybe many weeks or months until he reaches out....then you will up your chances. When he does reach out (and I think he will) then being as attractive (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc) will bring him further to you. 

There are no guarantees but this sounds like your best bet.


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## New Beginnings (Sep 9, 2009)

I took some time to read all of your threads about your situation to better understand what all is going on. First, I have lived in a situation that is somewhat similar to your own. Except I was more like your husband excluding being abusive. So here is what my thoughts are with you and your situation.

To me this relationship is just plain bad. Your husband is abusive which to me is a deal breaker period. You’ve done some serious damage in cheating but it’s not necessarily the end all yet. The obsessive gaming is taking a considerable toll on you from the neglect it is causing for you. Then there is the alcohol and sleep meds. I actually have a person in my own family who has your disability. She also lives a lifestyle for which she has no job, no car, no license even to drive, and is living in a very confined environment without her own freedom to live. She also is dependant on pain meds, specifically pain killers, OC’s and such to numb herself. To me that is a recipe for disaster from what I think I have identified above as issues. It does make me curious though with you if there is more meds, chemicals, and such involved with you, your husband, or both for that matter. To me it just adds another layer to the problem, a very significant layer.

Please don’t take this as judgmental as I do not want you to feel judged by what I said or will say. I truly can understand what frame of mind your in from my own family members situation as well as living in a very similar relationship.

I think first of all, you should do exactly what has been said so far, and not contact him AT ALL! You both need a cooling off period. But I also think that at some point if this relationship is something you really truly want to save then the rules and boundaries must be established between the two of you. You need to really sit down and think about what you are willing to tolerate in this relationship, and think of these independently first so you can wrap your mind around each one of them. 

Are you okay being in a physically and or emotionally abusive relationship? That is a very serious question because at this point I just don’t see that as something I would personally want to be a part of or do I really see your husband changing from what you have said either.

Do you want to feel neglected by your husband because his interests in WoW consume him? Will you be okay with potentially sitting alone every night just so he can play? Or joining him playing, which I think you alluded to doing already when you said “he was online”. I assume that means your also playing so you can be closer to him or attempt at spending more time with him. It’s good to sometimes take up a hobby with your partner but I think you would agree that this one is obsessive and there isn’t any regulated moderation.

This one to me is big also. Okay so we established that you have cheated on him. Do you think this is something you yourself could live with if he had did it to you instead? With his best friend whom both of you betrayed your husband? Personally, I wouldn’t want anything to do with either individual after something like this but it can be overcome, maybe…. I would venture to guess this is probably what ultimately broke the chance at this ever working out for your reconciliation. If you look at all the threads on this site, you will see that it is devastating but somewhat recoverable. 

Is there more drugs or alcohol abuse involved than what has been said so far? I think this has a huge impact on the situation being that it can greatly effect individuals and their moods etc. I don’t think anyone here would judge you for being open with us and honest but this is something you should think about. Gaming is obviously addictive as you can see with your husband but so are chemicals and alcohol to some degree. More or less this is a pattern with your husband I just wanted to ask about to understand if there is more to it.

So you need to identify if this marriage is truly something you want to attempt to save after thinking about the above questions. If it is then there must be boundaries established between the two of you and both parties have to agree to them and mean it in their hearts. If you can do that then in my honest opinion you are probably going to have to make the first step in reaching out to him. He has to really feel your remorse for the infidelity for him to believe it. You can not lie about it or really anything for that matter. He has to trust you and believe in you. Secondly, he has to completely change his own behavior as well. He can not ever be abusive verbally or physically to you. He needs to understand that if he is, it will be the end of it. That he will have consequences for his actions. If the two of you really do end up trying to reconcile, I would say to get marriage counseling. 

If you do end up deciding to not try to save it then people here can help you with the recovery of you and make suggestions to find your way into the next chapter of your life.

Something my own therapist tells me every time I see her, “there are better days ahead of you” She was completely right! You may not believe it yet but trust me there are better days ahead for you!!


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