# Here's one for the Guys who had a Walk Away Wife...



## frigginlost

So over the weekend I was asked a question regarding my marriage/ex. The question really made me ponder, and quite honestly I did not know if I was the only guy that felt this way after his divorce.

The question was simple; Do you regret having married your wife?

I tell ya, it really stunned me as I had not really thought about it in that sense. But after telling the woman I was talking with to give me a few minutes to process it, I did in fact come to a conclusive answer:

Yes. I regret it.

I know that folks say "Ahhh look at all the great times and things you shared, blah, blah, blah." But, honestly, I look at my marriage as a waste of a good chunk of my life. Maybe it's because I had absolutely no clue, or no say in any of my wife's walking out the front door. Maybe I'm just still a little bitter, but I simply feel as if my marriage was a waste...

I was wondering if any of you other guys out there who had Walk-Away wives felt the same?


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## Shooboomafoo

Yep, however, in my particular instance, I think there was an influence in the terms of prescriptions she was taking that had her mind all messed up, it was only then that she started changing into whatever it was she is now. 
If it werent for that child we had together, I would feel like it was a waste of time. Time lost that could have been given to a woman with deeper convictions. 
But to say so, would somehow diminish how blessed I am with this wonderful little human being that calls me Daddy.


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## COguy

That's a great question. I am glad I married her, because it taught me a lot about myself and who I am and who i want to be. The downside is it cost me the best years of my life.

I regret being a doormat for so long, and I regret bringing children into our mess.

Tough question...

I know for sure that I'll make the best of it and learn from my mistakes.


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## Lon

Yes I regret it, but what's the point? We do not have the gift of seeing the future, it was a risk I was willing to take, just one I didn't think she would gamble away the way she did. If I knew then what I know now OF COURSE I wouldn't have married her, or brought children into the mess I'd have found one that I knew was going to be loyal and faithful instead.


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## papa5280

Not at all. After 16 years of marriage, I ended up with two great kids (well, one great kid, and one work in progress), plus a step daughter who thinks of me as dad, along with HER three kids, to whom I'm "papa".

Now, if I had it to do all over again, I would have changed my behaviors in the marriage, stayed away from the nice guy traps, and had a pre-nup. But the marriage itself? Nope, can't regret that.


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## Shoeguy

I don't regret it. We had a lot of great years and there are a couple of great kids as a result.

Plus I'm starting to like the new person I'm growing into. Without being totally blown up emotionally and financially I would have never been able to get out of the rut I was in.


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## mule kick

Three kids and adopted her son. Had most of 12 years doing pretty well. No I don't regret the marriage and I don't regret the divorce.


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## frigginlost

I think if the ex and I had kids I don't think I would regret it as strongly as I do now. Maybe in time the feeling will fade. But, I was with her for a heck of a long time and it has not even been a year from the Sep and Divorce being final and she is already moving in with some bloke. Yup, I pretty much regret it.


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## the guy

Kids make all the difference in the world when it come to that question.


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## Hoosier

I was married 30 years, have three great kids. While I do regret the time lost with the marriage, I HATE the loss of the last year following D, spent thinking about her, analyzing what happened. To just move on seems so easy for some, this last year has been a total loss for me, that time lost I regret. The fact that I control and haven't been able to adds to the frustration.


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## frigginlost

Hoosier, you hit the nail on the head on how I feel. It's the loss of time that just goes down wrong. I went on a 5 mile hike in the hills where I live today, and I could not believe how much I thought of ex. Wasted thoughts and more wasted time.

I think I'm thinking of her more because our Marriage Anniversary is coming up. First year I don't get to surprise her and celebrate how much I love being married to her...


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## ferndog

Wow this is tough
My wife (ex) was a walk away wife but in reality I don't blame her because I had my issues and neglected her for so long.
Do I regret it? No
I married the love of my life and she thought me so much and gave me love. I just don't see how another woman can measure up to her.
I guess I'm just disappointed that she gave up on me but I can see why. But she was wrong I am changing and morphin into the man I've always wanted to be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goobertron

My son makes it worthwhile. Otherwise it was a complete waste and I regret I lost the years and the opportunity to select a better match. When she said "I never loved you" during the break-up it hit me like a sack of nails that she was full of it and a waste of space.


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## MSC71

No, because I learned a lot. I learned so much that there is some lucky lady out there that will benefit from it all. :smthumbup:


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## zebulona

Friggin you are a sweet guy it seems and fern, I was the WAW just like yours in the similar case. Except my X doesn't improve.


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## ferndog

zebulona said:


> Friggin you are a sweet guy it seems and fern, I was the WAW just like yours in the similar case. Except my X doesn't improve.


My ex isn't conning back but her leaving made me realize I was sleep walking through life. She woke me up and I have a lot of work to do but I am changing.
I want to be the best I can be and i will be the best partner to my next girl when ever that is.

I'm
Going to miss my ex wife so much but she couldn't forgive me ;(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound

That is a good question that is difficult to answer. In one sense, yes, I do regret it. There are some things that will be gotten rid of or replaced in life, but I just never believed that a spouse was one of them. I spent 18 years with her, and for what? 

Why couldn't I have married someone who wouldn't have walked away?


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## ferndog

southbound said:


> That is a good question that is difficult to answer. In one sense, yes, I do regret it. There are some things that will be gotten rid of or replaced in life, but I just never believed that a spouse was one of them. I spent 18 years with her, and for what?
> 
> Why couldn't I have married someone who wouldn't have walked away?


Well true I feel the same way. I don't think any man on earth can love my ex like I can but instead of trying to question it or hold anger I try and better myself. Realize the reasons why she left and improve them so my next relationship won't fail
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MSC71

ferndog said:


> Well true I feel the same way. I don't think any man on earth can love my ex like I can but instead of trying to question it or hold anger I try and better myself. Realize the reasons why she left and improve them so my next relationship won't fail
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What's that saying, better to love and lost than never loved at all.........seems like a good way to look at this.


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## ferndog

MSC71 said:


> What's that saying, better to love and lost than never loved at all.........seems like a good way to look at this.


At the end I tried everything to save the marriage she wasn't having it. Yes it hurts but what can I really do? Should I be angry and hurt her physically or verbally ? No way . I love her so just let her go every one is responsible for their actions and I chose to progress. 

If I sit here thinking of another man kissing (at the minimum) my ex wife yes I will hurt its natural. I would feel betrayed,
But honesty is key here and my ex put up with a lot so her leaving me was the best thing possible because I'm becoming a better person.

I don't know the future but I know that it consists of me being a great partner to my next gf/wife.

At the end of the day you have to love yourself more than your ex. You have to water your grass with love patience and honesty and also respect and be conscious of your pain. This just shows that you know how to love and hurt that your ex doesn't notice or care.

Keep watering your grass and I guarantee it will be the greenest in the neighborhood.
Your options will be open. Just chose wisely and take your time meeting a quality woman.

I realize and believe that a woman is like a flower as long as you water her with love affection and appreciation she won't leave.
Build the foundation out of communication love respect and understanding and you will never fail.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

my old lady banged a sh*t load of guys during our 22 yrs of M and if you ask me if I regret marrying her.... no.... she.s fun in bed and she pushed out 2 great kids for me. The other ten aren't mine.LOL


My point is I could never hate this chic but she gave me my kids and besides she didn't start sleeping around until after I started pusing her around and that was a few years aftet the last kid.


Regrets are for p***y's... if you reget something then change it for the better and quit pissing about it!


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## southbound

This is a feeling that is difficult to put into words. I am past the shock and resentment, but it just seems like such a waste; it's difficult to compare it to other things in life.

I think it would be like this: Let's say coming out of high school, a particular person's desire is to be a farmer, but if he had to choose something else, there is this "one" other career he thinks he might like, but it requires college. So, he thinks it over and decides to go. All along he's picturing a bright future. Then, when he gets his degree, he finds the job no longer exists, and that is the only reason he went to college. What a bummer! If he had known this, he could have have used those years to have built a nice farming operation. 

I'm sure that scenario can be picked apart and a lot of positives can be found, but I hope everyone understands the feeling I'm trying to convey. It just seems like something was wasted, and that's how i feel about getting divorced after 18 years.


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## ferndog

southbound said:


> This is a feeling that is difficult to put into words. I am past the shock and resentment, but it just seems like such a waste; it's difficult to compare it to other things in life.
> 
> I think it would be like this: Let's say coming out of high school, a particular person's desire is to be a farmer, but if he had to choose something else, there is this "one" other career he thinks he might like, but it requires college. So, he thinks it over and decides to go. All along he's picturing a bright future. Then, when he gets his degree, he finds the job no longer exists, and that is the only reason he went to college. What a bummer! If he had known this, he could have have used those years to have built a nice farming operation.
> 
> I'm sure that scenario can be picked apart and a lot of positives can be found, but I hope everyone understands the feeling I'm trying to convey. It just seems like something was wasted, and that's how i feel about getting divorced after 18 years.


Well there is no guarantee in life. My mother died 4.5 years ago my father still can't get over her. So that's what I start thinking. Just love yourself and you'll never fail no matter what happens through life's twists and turns
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orpheus

hmm. 

first time posting in this section of the site. i got hit with papers a couple of days ago.

my marriage was only about 3 years. i've had a number of deep relationships that were about that long. this is my first marriage. the pain is different but it's hard to not start to shelve it away with some ex-girlfriends. and i guess that's what she wants with her blazingly fast march towards D.


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## ferndog

Orpheus said:


> hmm.
> 
> first time posting in this section of the site. i got hit with papers a couple of days ago.
> 
> my marriage was only about 3 years. i've had a number of deep relationships that were about that long. this is my first marriage. the pain is different but it's hard to not start to shelve it away with some ex-girlfriends. and i guess that's what she wants with her blazingly fast march towards D.


Did she state the reasons why she is choosing divorce over working it out ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orpheus

FD: not in depth. and something that Conrad points out in the Going Through part of this site. A number of people think she fits the affair profile but our circumstances are such that i don't think that was the case. She just wrapped up law school and has some prevalent childhood issues that are not dealt with. She has an amazing facility and success in life. When things go poorly for her she cuts and runs because the next thing will likely work out. I've seen her perform a similar dance on projects and old friends. I just never thought i would stare down the same gun.

We had a tough final year and in my numerous failures, i didn't realize how much she had been detaching in that process.


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## ferndog

Orpheus said:


> FD: not in depth. and something that Conrad points out in the Going Through part of this site. A number of people think she fits the affair profile but our circumstances are such that i don't think that was the case. She just wrapped up law school and has some prevalent childhood issues that are not dealt with. She has an amazing facility and success in life. When things go poorly for her she cuts and runs because the next thing will likely work out. I've seen her perform a similar dance on projects and old friends. I just never thought i would stare down the same gun.
> 
> We had a tough final year and in my numerous failures, i didn't realize how much she had been detaching in that process.


My ex left without saying why but I knew I had a lot of issues so I tried to fix them and win her back. She didn't want any part of me so I continue to work on these so it won't happen again on my next serious relationship. 

Do you feel you had a big part of it? 
I was detached showed no emotion or affection she felt unappreciated.

I'm just trying to figure out if you are dealing with a walk away wife: 
Do to things you contributed to
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Paradise

You know, I don't post here much but I read a lot and most of you guys and gals sound a lot like myself on here. We are all trying to find that magic gold nugget that answers the "why?" 

This use to drive me crazy. Finally I realized that there is no concrete answer and I quit chasing the bunnies. We all brought good things to our marriage. We all brought bad things to our marriage. Same with our ex. No one is perfect. Every marriage has rough spots. Some of these rough spots last for a few days, weeks, and some of them go on for a few years. 

Heck, I know a couple that are absolutely in love with each other. They went about 3 years of their marriage in pure hatred. Neither one of them cheated, neither one of them left. But, when they put it all together they ended up having an awesome partnership. 

On the flip side, I know a guy who pretty much had the perfect marriage. I know both of them very well and neither one of them had any issues. One day he came home and his wife just told him that she was leaving. They divorced a few months later. No infidelity and now the kids are raised in a broken home. 

Thing is, do you think either one of these couples went into the marriage expecting it to end? Nope. And the marriage that most people would look at as complete crap turned out to be a perfect match. 

Back to the point....When it comes down to it, it's a day at a time decision that 2 people make and it only takes 1 to break it. It just simply is what it is. My ex wife decided to leave. Who knows what would have happened if she stayed. I'll never know so there is no sense in worrying about it. No sense in worrying about her. No sense trying to dissect that one "thing" that could have saved it. Only thing I can control on a daily basis is how I live my life and how I respond to everything that happens. 

Guess I've finally reached the point where my focus isn't on my ex anymore and it took me a good deal of time to get there.


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## Orpheus

ferndog said:


> I'm just trying to figure out if you are dealing with a walk away wife
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



FD, i don't want to completely jack your thread with my story. but as quick follow-up. I was certainly at fault for a large share of our problems. She had a handful of specific issues that were working against us including law school and unresolved behaviors that became prevalent in the stress of the last year. After the last fight she immediately moved out. Barred me from communicating with her while she studied for the bar for six weeks. and then as soon as it was over served me with papers. Seems like WAW to me, but maybe i'm missing something?


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## DrunkenH

Absolutely. My marriage was a ship that was launched to sink, mainly due to my own destructive habits. We never had kids, so all my marriage accomplished was wasting a decade and a half of two people's lives. I realize now that I never had any business getting married in the first place.


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## ferndog

Orpheus said:


> FD, i don't want to completely jack your thread with my story. but as quick follow-up. I was certainly at fault for a large share of our problems. She had a handful of specific issues that were working against us including law school and unresolved behaviors that became prevalent in the stress of the last year. After the last fight she immediately moved out. Barred me from communicating with her while she studied for the bar for six weeks. and then as soon as it was over served me with papers. Seems like WAW to me, but maybe i'm missing something?


Don't know if you love your wife or not but I've studied WAW for sometime now and 
This is how it plays out. Man shows lack of Interest or no emotion. Woman asks him to change. Man tries but goes back to his old self she stops asking (or as man sees she stops nagging). She is now detaching. The day comes and the guy gets blind sided. If he signs or moves out or whatever. The chance of her coming back is slim to none.
If the guy doesn't agree to divorce and fights for her the chances of being together increases.

Just so you may plan the next step
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

Paradise said:


> You know, I don't post here much but I read a lot and most of you guys and gals sound a lot like myself on here. We are all trying to find that magic gold nugget that answers the "why?"
> 
> This use to drive me crazy. Finally I realized that there is no concrete answer and I quit chasing the bunnies. We all brought good things to our marriage. We all brought bad things to our marriage. Same with our ex. No one is perfect. Every marriage has rough spots. Some of these rough spots last for a few days, weeks, and some of them go on for a few years.
> 
> Heck, I know a couple that are absolutely in love with each other. They went about 3 years of their marriage in pure hatred. Neither one of them cheated, neither one of them left. But, when they put it all together they ended up having an awesome partnership.
> 
> On the flip side, I know a guy who pretty much had the perfect marriage. I know both of them very well and neither one of them had any issues. One day he came home and his wife just told him that she was leaving. They divorced a few months later. No infidelity and now the kids are raised in a broken home.
> 
> Thing is, do you think either one of these couples went into the marriage expecting it to end? Nope. And the marriage that most people would look at as complete crap turned out to be a perfect match.
> 
> Back to the point....When it comes down to it, it's a day at a time decision that 2 people make and it only takes 1 to break it. It just simply is what it is. My ex wife decided to leave. Who knows what would have happened if she stayed. I'll never know so there is no sense in worrying about it. No sense in worrying about her. No sense trying to dissect that one "thing" that could have saved it. Only thing I can control on a daily basis is how I live my life and how I respond to everything that happens.
> 
> Guess I've finally reached the point where my focus isn't on my ex anymore and it took me a good deal of time to get there.


I agree. If one keeps wondering or trying to find out why , he will be stuck in that moment and not improve.
The questions that are now important is ;
What do I feel I did wrong in my relationship ?
(this may include financial, emotional , and partnership)
Do I value myself enough to start dating?
Trying to fix issues and knowing that you have something to offer or chose to be alone

At this point it's not about the ex. It's about accepting your faults and improving. I only wanted to get married once but now that that plan is out the window I'm not going to ruin the next one (if there is another).
I can't fix or worry about other people . I can only control what I do. And I chose to be better
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound

Paradise said:


> You know, I don't post here much but I read a lot and most of you guys and gals sound a lot like myself on here. We are all trying to find that magic gold nugget that answers the "why?"
> 
> This use to drive me crazy. Finally I realized that there is no concrete answer and I quit chasing the bunnies. We all brought good things to our marriage. We all brought bad things to our marriage. Same with our ex. No one is perfect. Every marriage has rough spots. Some of these rough spots last for a few days, weeks, and some of them go on for a few years.
> 
> Heck, I know a couple that are absolutely in love with each other. They went about 3 years of their marriage in pure hatred. Neither one of them cheated, neither one of them left. But, when they put it all together they ended up having an awesome partnership.
> 
> On the flip side, I know a guy who pretty much had the perfect marriage. I know both of them very well and neither one of them had any issues. One day he came home and his wife just told him that she was leaving. They divorced a few months later. No infidelity and now the kids are raised in a broken home.
> 
> Thing is, do you think either one of these couples went into the marriage expecting it to end? Nope. And the marriage that most people would look at as complete crap turned out to be a perfect match.
> 
> Back to the point....When it comes down to it, it's a day at a time decision that 2 people make and it only takes 1 to break it. It just simply is what it is. My ex wife decided to leave. Who knows what would have happened if she stayed. I'll never know so there is no sense in worrying about it. No sense in worrying about her. No sense trying to dissect that one "thing" that could have saved it. Only thing I can control on a daily basis is how I live my life and how I respond to everything that happens.
> 
> Guess I've finally reached the point where my focus isn't on my ex anymore and it took me a good deal of time to get there.


Sounds very much like something I would write. I searched for the "why" a lot. Sure, she gave some reasons, but none of them seemed like the caliber of things that should end a marriage. 

The weird part to me is that a person doesn't have to be a scum-bag for someone to want to divorce them. I know I'm a decent person; my x even told me so before she divorced me, but she said i just wasn't what she needed after 18 years. Very puzzling.


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## MSC71

ferndog said:


> At the end I tried everything to save the marriage she wasn't having it. Yes it hurts but what can I really do? Should I be angry and hurt her physically or verbally ? No way . I love her so just let her go every one is responsible for their actions and I chose to progress.
> 
> If I sit here thinking of another man kissing (at the minimum) my ex wife yes I will hurt its natural. I would feel betrayed,
> But honesty is key here and my ex put up with a lot so her leaving me was the best thing possible because I'm becoming a better person.
> 
> I don't know the future but I know that it consists of me being a great partner to my next gf/wife.
> 
> At the end of the day you have to love yourself more than your ex. You have to water your grass with love patience and honesty and also respect and be conscious of your pain. This just shows that you know how to love and hurt that your ex doesn't notice or care.
> 
> Keep watering your grass and I guarantee it will be the greenest in the neighborhood.
> Your options will be open. Just chose wisely and take your time meeting a quality woman.
> 
> I realize and believe that a woman is like a flower as long as you water her with love affection and appreciation she won't leave.
> Build the foundation out of communication love respect and understanding and you will never fail.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I'm right there with you. I did everything a human being can possibly do to make it work. At the end of the day I had to ask myself "Do I really want to be with someone I have to convince to be with me?" "Is my self worth so bad that I would be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?" 

Everything in life happens for a reason. We either learn from it and grow, or be depressed and sad the rest of your life. It's a choice we each make for ourselves, be happy or be sad? No other person is responsible for our happiness but ourselves. :smthumbup:


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## time2startover

For me its not a question of regret, but slightly different though may seem the same. I dont regret my marriage but I do feel like, or worry, that I simply wasted 10 years of my life. I am not ambitious in my career so my path after college was to get a job that paid the bills and have a happy family. Now Im 10 years older, have not progressed in my career at all, and am going through a divorce. We have no kids, except our dog lol. It seems like a waste because my family was the only thing I was concerned about but blew that when just kind of went autopilot for a while. Not asking for suggestions on my situation but just in general does it seem like wasted years ? All those great times seem to have less value when she discards them so easily. typical fashion - rewriting history and literally throwing out objects like pictures and random things that were shared and were special to us once. I almost wish it were as easy for me to simply throw it all away and not even seem bothered - she just looks ahead and not really back at all.


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## ferndog

time2startover said:


> For me its not a question of regret, but slightly different though may seem the same. I dont regret my marriage but I do feel like, or worry, that I simply wasted 10 years of my life. I am not ambitious in my career so my path after college was to get a job that paid the bills and have a happy family. Now Im 10 years older, have not progressed in my career at all, and am going through a divorce. We have no kids, except our dog lol. It seems like a waste because my family was the only thing I was concerned about but blew that when just kind of went autopilot for a while. Not asking for suggestions on my situation but just in general does it seem like wasted years ? All those great times seem to have less value when she discards them so easily. typical fashion - rewriting history and literally throwing out objects like pictures and random things that were shared and were special to us once. I almost wish it were as easy for me to simply throw it all away and not even seem bothered - she just looks ahead and not really back at all.


Well it's easy for her because she is disconnected. She fell out of love . You still love her or at least have great affection towards her so it's hard for you to relate to her.it was for me also but that's life. The best thing is to admit your faults, fix them, become motivated again so you can become your best and then find a great woman to share them with. It will take you time but you'll get there.

You will have to because you can't live in the past. She is gone so you are standing there looking down still wondering what, how, why. And when you look up you'll see that your talking to yourself. She is moving on and you will too or else your stories will always be "I remember when I was happily married" 

You'll get there. You have 10 years of experience reflect and remember what worked what didn't and improve. They were not wasted, I beg you'll become a great partner to your next love (there will be another) just get better first
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## time2startover

ferndog said:


> Well it's easy for her because she is disconnected. She fell out of love . You still love her or at least have great affection towards her so it's hard for you to relate to her.it was for me also but that's life. The best thing is to admit your faults, fix them, become motivated again so you can become your best and then find a great woman to share them with. It will take you time but you'll get there.
> 
> You will have to because you can't live in the past. She is gone so you are standing there looking down still wondering what, how, why. And when you look up you'll see that your talking to yourself. She is moving on and you will too or else your stories will always be "I remember when I was happily married"
> 
> You'll get there. You have 10 years of experience reflect and remember what worked what didn't and improve. They were not wasted, I beg you'll become a great partner to your next love (there will be another) just get better first
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks Fern. Its hard to move on completely. I started to move on and started to improve myself as it was all happening. I pushed myself to do things I never would have before and wasn't sure I could. I wanted to change for myself and for her but lost my momentum once it was absolutely over and Im now on my own. Odd being someone who thinks family first but is (seemingly but not really) suddenly without the closest part of my family. Of course there are no guarantees but how do you even want to bother with other women that you know nothing about when the one person you thought you loved and knew everything about quit - meaning if I was soo wrong about her how could I ever trust that the next great match for me wouldn't do the same thing. I don't want to live in the past but I'm not a quitter and I don't believe in divorce really. I don't know how I can say that but move on before anything is official - she has said she is done and absolutely seems to be but I haven't gotten papers yet. Its been over 6 months since she said she wanted a divorce and almost 3 since I moved out. I agree with the idea of - why would I want to be with and fight for someone who gave up on me/us without even really trying, but that doesn't really make it any easier for me to say I'm done. I want the situation to be over with but I don't want to quit. hard to move on when taking that stance. I guess I'm forcing myself into limbo until I get the papers, dumb and making it more painful on myself I guess but I don't know how else to be.


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## ferndog

Wish I could talk to you in person and tell you what I've learned through all this.
Well if you want to talk. Just send me a private message I'll give you my number and I'll try to help you.
What I can tell you is . This
You probably hurt very much because you got blind sided by this
You thought , sure we have problems but not this bad
And now I bet she wants nothing to do with you , no contact no nothing
And your still wanting to fix it because you love her
Right?
Truth is way before she asked you for the D she was looking at you and realizing (yes I love him but he is never going to change)
We're you affectionate, did you help around the house? Did you show and tell her you love her?
Well that's what happened to me. You have a walk away wife and chances are your actions made her this way. She lost hope in you she thinks your never going to change.
If you research you will find that most never come back no matter what.
There is a slim chance if you convince her during the first month or so. That window is closed.

I'm not saying it won't ever work but just being realistic. It's been 6 months and if she's missing you she sure ain't letting you know.
I want you to try your hardest to tell her and show her you live her. Do all you can don't give up. And when you reach out to her be ready because her answer will most likely. Be what you don't want to hear. But this will let you progress because in your heart you'll know you didn't quit you did all you could and you'll be able to move on. Go to YouTube and type walk away wife there is a video from a female (older lady about in her 50's wearing a red coat) the video runs a little over 5 min
See it twice and listen and you'll realize so much .

Get better my friend I believe in you. Now I want you to believe in yourself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frigginlost

time2startover said:


> For me its not a question of regret, but slightly different though may seem the same. I dont regret my marriage but I do feel like, or worry, that I simply wasted 10 years of my life. I am not ambitious in my career so my path after college was to get a job that paid the bills and have a happy family. Now Im 10 years older, have not progressed in my career at all, and am going through a divorce. We have no kids, except our dog lol. It seems like a waste because my family was the only thing I was concerned about but blew that when just kind of went autopilot for a while. Not asking for suggestions on my situation but just in general does it seem like wasted years ? All those great times seem to have less value when she discards them so easily. typical fashion - rewriting history and literally throwing out objects like pictures and random things that were shared and were special to us once. I almost wish it were as easy for me to simply throw it all away and not even seem bothered - she just looks ahead and not really back at all.


Bingo! You are at a place most of us are in or have been through. I can tell you that it has been 10 months since my divorce was final and I still feel as if the time with her was wasted. No kids, but we did have a cat. And believe it or not I miss that little furball.

The single hardest thing right now for me to deal with is the complete rewrite of history she has done and just how fast she moved forward. The two feelings I fight with most are missing her, and being absolutely pi**ed at how she ended it.

It's tough, but what choice do we really have? Our decisions were made for us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

frigginlost said:


> Bingo! You are at a place most of us are in or have been through. I can tell you that it has been 10 months since my divorce was final and I still feel as if the time with her was wasted. No kids, but we did have a cat. And believe it or not I miss that little furball.
> 
> The single hardest thing right now for me to deal with is the complete rewrite of history she has done and just how fast she moved forward. The two feelings I fight with most are missing her, and being absolutely pi**ed at how she ended it.
> 
> It's tough, but what choice do we really have? Our decisions were made for us.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Boy did you hit it right on the head.
What is it that walk away wives are so easy to throw away a marriage. The history the moments the value is just puff gone and they don't look back. I was with my wife for 20 years . Yup 20 faithful years (and I'm only 36) . And I never gave up and one day she tricks me to leave the house and a day later I get an email??? What an email saying she wants. A divorce. Wtf . And sure enough she did it fast and no contact. For a long time I was in shock thinking "just fix all your issues show her you love her and she'll be back just keep focus and remain faithful"
Nope. She already has a boyfriend and he sleeps over where I used to lay my head.

20 years you think you know someone you don't. And yes your right. Half the time battling the other half pissed.
You know how damaging it was for me. An email. Wow in her eyes I'm an email throw away husband. 

Well my next partner will be the luckiest girl in the world because as my ex said I wouldn't change. I thank her and now I'm better at showing love
And if you want to be happy forever I'm going to tell you the secret

A happy healthy relationship should be based in a foundation (meaning right from the beginning) consisting of honesty truth trust loyalty respect and COMMUNICATION (this one is key)
And in time it may grow into love and if it does then you go into phase 2

Phase 2
A woman is loyal and loving she is like a flower and her love will blossom but as a man you must water her (or shell die just like our wives did) with love affection and appreciation
Show her you love her in poems letters drawings flowers words and actions (or your special way)
And never. Never stop showing her and she will remain faithful and true always (if and only if she is a quality woman)
And that's the secret
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## muskrat

I'm not divorced yet, but the papers have been filed. I don't regret marrying her. She gave me 2 wonderful kids and we shared many great years together. My regret is in myself for not showing her how special she was to me until it was to late.
Ferndog, at least you got an email, my stbxw never mentioned divorce and then one day the mail man brought me a certified letter and I was served. From reading your posts we sound very similar and our marriages both failed. Like you I am determined to make myself a better person for the future.


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## ferndog

muskrat said:


> I'm not divorced yet, but the papers have been filed. I don't regret marrying her. She gave me 2 wonderful kids and we shared many great years together. My regret is in myself for not showing her how special she was to me until it was to late.
> Ferndog, at least you got an email, my stbxw never mentioned divorce and then one day the mail man brought me a certified letter and I was served. From reading your posts we sound very similar and our marriages both failed. Like you I am determined to make myself a better person for the future.


Iol. I am currently running and stopped to read the mail since my phone just vibrated. Yes that's all we can do. All I know is that who ever I wind up with will feel loved everyday. But for now that love is completely for me.
Here something I strongly believe in

" the love you give Is = to the love you'll get it's just a matter of time and that's a fact" - evidence

Well I wonder how your ex got you out of the house? Mine lied to me I was devastated when I got that email. I felt so lost and lonely. Now I get girls that ask me out but I know better. I need to rebuild myself more . A year later I reached out to her and she didn't even want to speak to me. She text me saying maybe one day I'll get a call from her. Not needed I won't answer. I forgave myself. She can live with the anger I won't . My love was true, still is but it will never come out. Stay up you'll be ok. Just curious about your situation at the end
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## muskrat

ferndog said:


> Iol. I am currently running and stopped to read the mail since my phone just vibrated. Yes that's all we can do. All I know is that who ever I wind up with will feel loved everyday. But for now that love is completely for me.
> Here something I strongly believe in
> 
> " the love you give Is = to the love you'll get it's just a matter of time and that's a fact" - evidence
> 
> Well I wonder how your ex got you out of the house? Mine lied to me I was devastated when I got that email. I felt so lost and lonely. Now I get girls that ask me out but I know better. I need to rebuild myself more . A year later I reached out to her and she didn't even want to speak to me. She text me saying maybe one day I'll get a call from her. Not needed I won't answer. I forgave myself. She can live with the anger I won't . My love was true, still is but it will never come out. Stay up you'll be ok. Just curious about your situation at the end
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She moved out. We also have 2 great kids so I see her often as they are 6 and 3 years old. I just hired a lawyer yesterday and tomorrow is 2 weeks since I was served so this is far from over.


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## ferndog

muskrat said:


> She moved out. We also have 2 great kids so I see her often as they are 6 and 3 years old. I just hired a lawyer yesterday and tomorrow is 2 weeks since I was served so this is far from over.


I don't have kids so I am different in that part. I gave up all our mutual friends. I kept 3 good friends and scrapped the rest. New start new life new me. And I like where I'm headed. I chose myself for the first time ever I see I still need work but I'm always focused. I wished in your case you both could work it out because there are too many broken homes. She will look for another man in time and that person will not compare to you because you realize your errors and fixing them. Well keep your head up and keep that spark in your eyes. 

When anyone asks me what happened I tell them "I didn't show her how much she meant to me" if they ask why did you divirce her I say "I didn't she divorced me, she stopped seeing my value"
Because of the divorce I see my self worth and it's pretty good 

I walked out of the divorce literally with my clothes and my vinyl (records) collection. That was it. 
So I'm glad you have a lawyer. 

A woman reaches a point and they rarely come back. 
Your doing ok?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## muskrat

ferndog said:


> I don't have kids so I am different in that part. I gave up all our mutual friends. I kept 3 good friends and scrapped the rest. New start new life new me. And I like where I'm headed. I chose myself for the first time ever I see I still need work but I'm always focused. I wished in your case you both could work it out because there are too many broken homes. She will look for another man in time and that person will not compare to you because you realize your errors and fixing them. Well keep your head up and keep that spark in your eyes.
> 
> When anyone asks me what happened I tell them "I didn't show her how much she meant to me" if they ask why did you divirce her I say "I didn't she divorced me, she stopped seeing my value"
> Because of the divorce I see my self worth and it's pretty good
> 
> I walked out of the divorce literally with my clothes and my vinyl (records) collection. That was it.
> So I'm glad you have a lawyer.
> 
> A woman reaches a point and they rarely come back.
> Your doing ok?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'll survive, I have to for my kids. I already gave up all mutual friends. I spend my time alone on TAM or with my kids. I really wish we could work things out for our kids, but her heart has already left. I just have to accept it and move on and be the best dad I can be.


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## ferndog

And you will. It's easy for me to say this because I've gone through the worst already but it's true
Motivation
Music (no love songs)
Work
Exercise
Analyzing my self and changing
Positive hobbies
Careful with the alcohol (if possible don't drink at all)
You will get better you will see your worth just stay focused everyday. You love her and that's ok. You have your faults but you never gave up. She gave up on you so keep your head up.
Give your kids a hug from me. Enjoy them and get better.

No one can love you like yourself. You will not turn your back on you. So spend time and appreciate yourself. And don't stay home all the time. Go out. Go jog . Keep the mind busy. Observe learn do better be better 
Your next relationship will be the best. Your more focused you just have to get through this first
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet

I must have had 30 or so women ask me that very same question. And to them I said the same thing every time.... I never regretted marrying her, it was one of the sweetest chapters of my life. And I do not regret chasing after her for years when she left because it was in that time that I became a wonderful husband. 

However, I do regret I treated her during our divorce. She made the decision to have multiple affairs and forsake her vows, to string me along, and divorce me in secrecy on graduation day. I made the decision to not speak up and let the anger build until I unleashed on her, and for that I am very sorry for my actions.

Would I marry again? The answer is an undeniable and astounding YES! I enjoyed every minute of marriage, the good and the bad. The headaches and heartaches, the love and the devotion, the commitment to being faithful and working to improve the marriage. Next time I will sure of one thing above all doubts, I will be the best husband if not father I could ever be and work to keep the marriage as romantic as it is nurturing.


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## ferndog

Nsweet said:


> I must have had 30 or so women ask me that very same question. And to them I said the same thing every time.... I never regretted marrying her, it was one of the sweetest chapters of my life. And I do not regret chasing after her for years when she left because it was in that time that I became a wonderful husband.
> 
> However, I do regret I treated her during our divorce. She made the decision to have multiple affairs and forsake her vows, to string me along, and divorce me in secrecy on graduation day. I made the decision to not speak up and let the anger build until I unleashed on her, and for that I am very sorry for my actions.
> 
> Would I marry again? The answer is an undeniable and astounding YES! I enjoyed every minute of marriage, the good and the bad. The headaches and heartaches, the love and the devotion, the commitment to being faithful and working to improve the marriage. Next time I will sure of one thing above all doubts, I will be the best husband if not father I could ever be and work to keep the marriage as romantic as it is nurturing.


Yes!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frigginlost

Been asked that question plenty. My answer is simply this; "Does not matter if I regret it or not. I'll keep the best of me, improve on the worst of me, find a better woman, and have my ex wife to thank for it."

I'll never apologize nor will I second guess how I acted during the divorce. It would not have changed a damn thing, so why second guess it now? 

Damn straight I'll marry again if the right lady comes along...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

frigginlost said:


> Been asked that question plenty. My answer is simply this; "Does not matter if I regret it or not. I'll keep the best of me, improve on the worst of me, find a better woman, and have my ex wife to thank for it."
> 
> I'll never apologize nor will I second guess how I acted during the divorce. It would not have changed a damn thing, so why second guess it now?
> 
> Damn straight I'll marry again if the right lady comes along...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not afraid of marriage. I married the love of my life it's just she gave up on me. Her love was not true but mine is 
I'm true to myself and out here there is a beautiful woman that will want everything I offer

Yes keep the best. Throw out the bad super charge me with the good qualities.
All I ask for is a partner that wants to be loved and will love me. That will happen.
Need the right one though , not the one right now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trapped1

Ferndog mentioned a YouTube video upthread about the WAW. While I couldn't find that particular one, I watched one under the same name, from Michele Weiner-Davis. It made sense enough, and I wish I had known about it long ago.

However, I'm confused by one part of the video, where she says "it's never too late... even if your wife says it's over" (about 5:00) "don't give up hope", etc.

See, I've resigned myself to the loss now, and think I'm doing a pretty decent job implementing the 180. To me, that largely means forgetting and moving on, whereas the phrase "not giving up hope", etc. reminds of where I was a few months ago, suffering quietly and hoping that she would understand, etc. and come back.

Are these two things contradictory, or am I missing something?


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## 36Separated

I dont regret marrying her, but i do regret taking her back 8years ago when she left me the first time.


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## ferndog

36Separated said:


> I dont regret marrying her, but i do regret taking her back 8years ago when she left me the first time.


Still together? Or what happened the second time if you don't mind sharing. I like to learn fro
Others so I can become well rounded. Thanx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostOneForGood

Had to jump in here. I am victim to also from the "WAW" my bestfriend for six years and together for six years. I dont regret marrying her, I regert that we didnt get to get married the way we wanted. I regret not being a more positive person and not taking her out more. She is a social butterfly, I am more reserved.

We are three months seperated, she filed for "D" two weeks ago. I had to move back to my hometown due to we just bought a house four months ago and she told me two weeks after we moved in. I miss the huge down payment we just pissed away!!

I dont know that I will ever marry again, this was my second. I was her third. My trust in relationships is Null and Void due to things like "Texting" considering she was talking to her soon to be new guy right beside me! and FB the #1 destroyer of "R's"


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## ferndog

Communication the number 1 saver in all relationships. Once that gets shut down the respect, love, honesty then follow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xirokx

together 5 years, not married but she walked into another guys arms and whatever else that came with it, he was a widower with a child, 10 years older and I told her the day she left it will not work because she doesnt like being number 2, and it didnt last, still havent heard from her...

I did all the things alot of guys dont do:

- communicate
- cook
- clean
- listen
- help her when asked (so to avoid smothering)
- I used to send her random texts how much I loved her or a quick i love you so much
- I used to take her out alot
- Encourage her to improve her self confidence. I taught her so much
- Support her whenever I saw she was down and on a daily basis.
- always discussed the importance of strong foundations
- respected, listened, was honest, loyal, caring, sharing, 
- always kept her in the loop about why I was doing things
- never lied to or made a fool out of her

Granted the only thing I didnt do was marry her and have kids because I wanted to be in a more stable position, I was in the processing of going to university and explained if she didnt want to to wait to get married I would marry her first and have kids and then go to uni, she was fine with it...

What gets me is that you read alot, my partner doesnt talk, is not positive, doesnt do x y and z....

I did and she still walked...what about her role in all of this? her responsibilites? her duties towards me? if anything she was the one who couldnt communicate, (I used to randomly bring up every month, what do you like / dislike, what can we change just to ensure she wasnt keeping things held inside) she was the one who would sweep problems under the carpet...

Its like I really don't know what more I could have done and am glad I didnt marry her because this would have been alot worse.

I do regret her coming into my life, she took so much of my time, energy, sanity all so she could just walk out of my life...

I feel chewed up and spat out, used beyond anything...

I don't think I am a walk over by any means, however when someone plays you on your emotions thats just pure coldness...sick, calcuated and psychotic.

The thing is while we are change throughout the duration of our relationships etc if there is love there, no matter what, it will work, everything changes but love? that deep feeling you get everytime you see them even if it disappears momentarily, if it truely existed then by no means will it go...

Trouble is I dont think it was ever there for it to have gone...

Either one of us could be the perfect partner but I believe we all have our quota of suffering due to us and when we invest all our energies into 1 person so much so we cut off from everything else, that 1 person then is used an instrument to deliver to us that killer blow. Thats just the law of karma.

So whilst I think all this self help, counselling, therapy and all the changes we make under the sun will help us restore our self confidence and self esteem. There is nothing we can do when its time for us to suffer but to take it.


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## ferndog

xirokx said:


> together 5 years, not married but she walked into another guys arms and whatever else that came with it, he was a widower with a child, 10 years older and I told her the day she left it will not work because she doesnt like being number 2, and it didnt last, still havent heard from her...
> 
> I did all the things alot of guys dont do:
> 
> - communicate
> - cook
> - clean
> - listen
> - help her when asked (so to avoid smothering)
> - I used to send her random texts how much I loved her or a quick i love you so much
> - I used to take her out alot
> - Encourage her to improve her self confidence. I taught her so much
> - Support her whenever I saw she was down and on a daily basis.
> - always discussed the importance of strong foundations
> - respected, listened, was honest, loyal, caring, sharing,
> - always kept her in the loop about why I was doing things
> - never lied to or made a fool out of her
> 
> Granted the only thing I didnt do was marry her and have kids because I wanted to be in a more stable position, I was in the processing of going to university and explained if she didnt want to to wait to get married I would marry her first and have kids and then go to uni, she was fine with it...
> 
> What gets me is that you read alot, my partner doesnt talk, is not positive, doesnt do x y and z....
> 
> I did and she still walked...what about her role in all of this? her responsibilites? her duties towards me? if anything she was the one who couldnt communicate, (I used to randomly bring up every month, what do you like / dislike, what can we change just to ensure she wasnt keeping things held inside) she was the one who would sweep problems under the carpet...
> 
> Its like I really don't know what more I could have done and am glad I didnt marry her because this would have been alot worse.
> 
> I do regret her coming into my life, she took so much of my time, energy, sanity all so she could just walk out of my life...
> 
> I feel chewed up and spat out, used beyond anything...
> 
> I don't think I am a walk over by any means, however when someone plays you on your emotions thats just pure coldness...sick, calcuated and psychotic.
> 
> The thing is while we are change throughout the duration of our relationships etc if there is love there, no matter what, it will work, everything changes but love? that deep feeling you get everytime you see them even if it disappears momentarily, if it truely existed then by no means will it go...
> 
> Trouble is I dont think it was ever there for it to have gone...
> 
> Either one of us could be the perfect partner but I believe we all have our quota of suffering due to us and when we invest all our energies into 1 person so much so we cut off from everything else, that 1 person then is used an instrument to deliver to us that killer blow. Thats just the law of karma.
> 
> So whilst I think all this self help, counselling, therapy and all the changes we make under the sun will help us restore our self confidence and self esteem. There is nothing we can do when its time for us to suffer but to take it.


So I must ask you this. Knowing you did all you could and knowing that you gave yourself completely to her and it still wasn't enough. Will you give yourself completely again to someone else? Or will you have walks built up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xirokx

> So I must ask you this. Knowing you did all you could and knowing that you gave yourself completely to her and it still wasn't enough. Will you give yourself completely again to someone else? Or will you have walks built up?


I am a true romantic at heart so have no choice in a way but to give myself again to someone else. However this time I would be alot more aware...actions speak louder then words...I would take action at the red flags and not just turn a blind eye. 

Since we split, 2 weeks after (this was 9 months ago) I started a course about spirituality etc (for 3 months) and then I moved into a voluntary work centre for 3 months.

It became apparent there through a lot of self reflection I was not venting, releasing my pain and that was holding me back.

I moved back in with parents and the last 3 months have been torture.

I am due to start a mens support group on Friday and then IC on tuesday.

I would give myself again but this time be responsible and accountable to myself only, I will not love "blindly" as I have too much to lose when I do.

Also when you are intimate with someone he changes your entire psyche. So I would wait a while before I got physical to try and find out more about what she is really like....

Easier said then done I know. I read this forum alot and its fab. I just get tired of reading my man should do x, y and z and think what the hell do you do back?


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## hope4family

I was only married 2 years, so I do not think I am suffering from walk away wife syndrome. However, one thing my s2bxw constantly talks about is the "regret" of marrying. 

I do not regret a thing. I made vows, and I am proud to say despite all the crap that I stuck by them. Its just that now, against all my hope, dreams for reconciliation, she wants out. So, she may go. 

For a brief moment I was in denial over the fact it was something I did during the marriage. Because I want to fix it. But when she expressed her real feelings to me and then to the MC I knew it wasn't a ploy to hurt my feelings. She had come to believe it all as truth. However, she hasn't said a single negative thing about the way I treated her in the marriage.

I will take note of the mistakes I made and work to improve upon them.


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## ferndog

Once you believe in yourself trust me there will be woman to spare. Just focus on yourself and when the time is right you will find a special woman .
I have had beautiful women ask me out but I am not ready. I still need more time for myself. I'm not making the same mistakes again. I will become a better person for myself before I get involved with anyone else
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet

xirokx, sounds to me you fell for the "damsel in distress...... child in disguise" like I did. You know the woman you do everything for and still keeps saying "but what about my needs? You're supposed to take care of meeeeeeee.". If that's the case consider yourself lucky she's almost out of your life and can ruin someone else's credit/sanity/life because you do not want to reside yourself to the role of a thankless parent to a "helpless" woman for the next forty or fifty years..... or until you die of a stroke repressing all the ways you want to tell her to shut up and think for herself.


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## hope4family

Dude that is exactly the riot act I am getting from my s2bxw. Damsel in distress was really a child.


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## ferndog

zebulona said:


> Friggin you are a sweet guy it seems and fern, I was the WAW just like yours in the similar case. Except my X doesn't improve.


Still alive  still working on me. Earning my masters and deciding what to do next for my life. I miss my ex when I stop and think deeply. Which Is rare. Today was one of those days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DayOne

Zombie thread.


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## SamuraiJack

ferndog said:


> Still alive  still working on me. Earning my masters and deciding what to do next for my life. I miss my ex when I stop and think deeply. Which Is rare. Today was one of those days.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good to hear Ferndog!
Well.
I originally thought my wife was a WAW, and she might still be, but evidence lately tends to point to an EA or PA instead. 
She certainly left abruptly. She was quiet for an entire year before she left and I had no say in the matter…whatsoever.
She made me pay for it in spades and dragged me over coals that were clearly meant for someone else.

Regrets? Well I have two great kids so it clouds the issue.
If they weren’t in the picture, I would have to say that I regret the waste of time that was my marriage. I did everything I could to make her happy and I WAS attentive, loving and helped out around the house etc.
My current GF says I’m wonderful and would like to marry me.
So I have to ask myself…”If I was doing everything I could to participate in the marriage and she still left…Did I EVER have a decent chance?”

If you take the high view approach and be brutally honest with yourself…the answer is “no”.

The phrase about “Rescue princess…child in disguise” comes to mind.
I don’t honestly think there was ever anything I could have done except cater to her ego until there was nothing left of me.
It may have actually come to that. Yes, I may have shut down or trickled off in the ned of the relationship. I mean, what man wouldn’t. When the sex tapers off and she is living to work, and consumed by World of Warcraft, where does that leave me?
Once again there is NO room for my needs.
So really I got involved in something that was just going to suck me dry no matter how long it took.
To this day, I really can’t remember anything pleasant about the marriage that hasn’t been eclipsed by her behavior at the end of the marriage. I try to remember the good things, but as soon as I do, they are immediately replaced by memories of her screaming and yelling. Blaming, throwing drinks in my face and abusing me. 
I was doomed from the start.

In the end I can see all the WAW’s saying that their men shut down and weren’t available.
My question to them is…what did you do to make them withdraw?


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## pragmaster

ferndog said:


> Wow this is tough
> My wife (ex) was a walk away wife but in reality I don't blame her because I had my issues and neglected her for so long.
> Do I regret it? No
> I married the love of my life and she thought me so much and gave me love. I just don't see how another woman can measure up to her.
> I guess I'm just disappointed that she gave up on me but I can see why. But she was wrong I am changing and morphin into the man I've always wanted to be.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds about like my situation. I regret the mistakes I made. I regret naively marrying a broken woman who I thought I could heal in time. 

In the end, I did a lot of self-exploration that I would have never done unless this all happened. I've grown a lot since I first got married and in a ways it is thanks to the divorce.


----------



## Cinema79

This is a great question. I have not given much thought to this but now I'm conflicted.

I hate what she has done to me. I hate the pain she inflicted on me. I feel like it was completely underserved. I loved this woman with everything I had and never felt like I was good enough. I regret meeting her in that way.

I learned a lot, however.

1. If a person comes on strong, they have an agenda, and 99% of the time its self-fulfilling.

2. Never get engaged after 11 months of dating. Date years in order to get the full scope of someone's personality. Live with them as well.

3. Set firm boundaries and never let someone walk all over you. It shows self-respect and they’ll respect you for that. If I’m totally disrespected, I have no trouble walking away and my current girlfriend knows that.

4. Never date anyone who is on 4 different mood stabilizers!!!!

We didn't have kids, she has remarried her affair partner, and it's weird to think I was even married. My memories are beginning to fade and I see a stranger when I see old photos of her. I sometimes think she wasn't even real and my marriage was some sort of strange detour.


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## whitehawk

l really couldn't say yea or neigh tbh.
Both l think.
But how could l bc of my beautiful d , really.

Our sitch and life was very unusual. We had a huge life. We traveled for yrs , lived in places most people only dream , did the same .
Later though there were huge choices and decisions that l just would not have chosen if it were up to me . They changed or direction , costed us hugely an were eventually what brought us undone . l warned that they would but at the same time , l can understand why we did what we did it's just that unfortunately ,l was right .

l just don't know , l sure regret it in ways and in big chunks .


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## movealong

I don't regret the past, nor do I wish to shut the door on it. It is all a part of becoming the man I am today.

I loved my 2nd XW dearly, and I tried everything I could to save the marriage. But by the time those things were tried the writing was on the wall. I have my beautiful daughter from the marriage, so I couldn't regret it anyway. I have a great relationship still with my step-kids and step-granddaughter, so there is that, too. No, I don't regret the marriage, I do regret that the ending of the marriage hurt so many people other than just she and I.

My first marriage gave me my two sons, and after 20 years, she and I are friends. While it may have been a mistake to marry so early, and someone from such a different background, I don't regret my first marriage, either.


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## DayOne

No, i don't regret it.


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## devotion

I know this is a zombie thread but since its alive now I'll feed it. 

Yes, I believe my marriage -- all fourteen years of it -- was a waste. It doesn't matter because its done and I learned from it (hopefully) for future relationships, but I still wish I had not all in all wasted that time. I know I'd have to throw out the good with the bad, but all in all I wish I'd get the TIME back to replace it all with something new.


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## Wolf1974

I deeply regret it. to this date marrying my x wife was my greatest mistake and the only thing in life I regret.


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## Healer

The only thing I don't regret about my marriage is my kids. And that's a huge one! I wouldn't trade anything in the world for them. If it wasn't for them, I'd regret the day I ever met my ex wife and everything about our marriage.


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## Lon

Healer said:


> The only thing I don't regret about my marriage is my kids. And that's a huge one! I wouldn't trade anything in the world for them. If it wasn't for them, I'd regret the day I ever met my ex wife and everything about our marriage.


I love my child and would do/give anything to make sure he has the best life he can.

That being said, his chances at success and to reach his ultimate potential has been seriously curtailed because of the immaturity and poor choices of his mother. Not that I ever thought either of us were perfect, but atleast if I never made the mistake of marrying her the consequences wouldn't have to be inflicted so severely on a beautiful young child.


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## toolforgrowth

Short answer: yes.

Long answer: no, with a but. I have the most precious little 7 year old girl as a result of my marriage. I can't begrudge any action that led to her existence.

Otherwise, my marriage to my xWW was a COMPLETE waste of time, and if it were possible for me to keep my daughter and yet completely erase my xWW from my life, I would do it in a heartbeat. Absolutely no question.

I'm in an enviable position, though. I had a vasectomy about two years after my daughter was born so I can't pump a baby into anyone else. I also never want to remarry, and my new GF has no issues with being committed to someone without actually getting married. SCORE.


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