# Should graphic content be deleted from "sex in marriage"?



## marriedwithkids1 (Nov 10, 2010)

Please forgive my redundancy as i posted this is somewhat redundant to my post yesterday that was titled "do things get deleted from this forum or am i losing it" I thought the new title would get the proper attention from those who may be interested. I had an interest in a posting yesterday concerning "deep throating but, later noticed it gone" I am not sure how you can discuss this without being being graphic. 

That said, let me start out by saying I fully respect and appreciate that choosing content for deletion can be challanging. There is a fine line between instructional, informational and that which can arouse or be fantasy. In fact there could be cases where there is a BIG overlap. 

I think alot of people spend thoughtful time writing responces and post to help out people as an act of reciprocating for all the wonderful advice they get from others. 

Perhaps if there is a dissclaimer (IE possibly graphic) in the topic heading users could simply steer clear if they don't like reading about graphic sexual acts. I think that readers have a right not to be exposed to explicit manner against their will. 

I had asked the forum moderaters some time ago about requesting advice concerning enhancing sexuality with my wife when there are others with real problems like infidelity, ED, extreme incompatiabilty or lack of sex entirely. The response i got was that it all should be included as it all was germain to the topic. 

I think readers who do not wish to be exposed to graphic material should steer clear of topics that make refernce to deep throating. If someone does not take the time to read the topic then shame on them. If some people have to sift through yet another "husband keeps looking at porn" or "incompatable sex drives" when it may not be necessarilty a topic that relates to theim then is it not resonable to ask the faint of heart to pass over threads that by their name will be inherintly graphic to even be worth talking about? 

I have been to "hipforums.com" as it has some open discussions about sexual issues. Candidly it can be a little juvinile (or some of the posts can be) and some do tend to be more about fantasy and arousal then may be necessary. But, on some level it is informative I am not sure if there is a more appropriate forum for frank discussions like this. 

Again, thanks to the moderators who take the time to do their job.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

To my knowledge, posts in the sex forum walk the line between requests for information versus soft-trolling. 

In other words, if the mods deem that you are genuinely looking for insight, input, or information they will let the post stand. If it appears the tenor of the post is simply fishing for graphically explicit exposition for your own curiosity or gratification, it will be removed.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

If they were to allow "how-to" talk that may become graphic, I'd think it would be necessary to add a forum that is opt-in for those with a higher post count. Allowing that kind of talk inside an openly public forum would invite a lot of creepers to TAM. Running a forum is hard enough without adding trolls to the mix.


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## marriedwithkids1 (Nov 10, 2010)

I am not sure what trolling is. 

Does opting in mean that you are chosing to read this kind of thing and are ok with it. If so can/has TAM thought of this. 



Suppose for example i want to have get advise about bjs, mutual masturbation, anal sex or engaging my husband in a particular fantacy he may have. How can I really do this without somehow being graphic. 

Perhaps a section that was limited somehow from outsiders/vs regular and responsible contributors that would be helpful. 

There was a post for example on "facials". Now by nature this lends itslef to being graphic. I found it to be interestesting given the relative appeal for men. Understanding the "why" gives insight to women who want to improve our sex with our partners. 

Perhaps some may in fact get some jollies at posting graphic content for the sake of iliciting a response. Just like some men wank off to victoria secret brochure but, is this reasonto not run the brochure.......

If someone however, is a regular contributor to the site and has posted 100s of posts shouldn't that individual be given the benefit of the doubt? 

Is there some legal/ethical notion that i am missing?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

marriedwithkids1 said:


> I am not sure what trolling is.
> 
> Does opting in mean that you are chosing to read this kind of thing and are ok with it. If so can/has TAM thought of this.


With VBulletin (the forum software) you're able to create opt-in forums. In the user cp, under networking, there's a link to "group memberships." They can list the requirements for joining (100 posts, 30 days on forum- for example), what the forum is about, and a brief warning about explicit content. The only way someone would be able to see the forum would be if they requested to join. 

I'm not sure if TAM has thought of it, but I will say running a forum is a lot of work. It looks fairly simple, but there's a decent amount of behind the scene work. Trying to moderate a forum that allows graphic material might be a bigger pain than it's worth!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

marriedwithkids1 said:


> I am not sure what trolling is.


Trolling is an individual who makes outlandish, crude or insulting comments in a thread to generate a response or argument. In this thread the trolling is someone trying to generate a sexual response from another for their jollies or a hook up. That will get a permanent ban just about every time.

I have asked Chris H, the site owner, to give some direction on this. While yes, we could limit the exposure by setting up a thread area that requires so many posts before one can enter (As done in the private member section) but it still wouldn't address the possible problems with advertisers pulling support because of what "they" consider graphic content. Those nuances are not something I have much knowledge on.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I think it boils down to the intended purpose behind it, and the moderators can only infer what that is based on what they read in the original post and the responses to it. 

I do feel very strongly that just as with TV, books, etc., if something offends you, change the channel, put the book down...or back out of the thread. What offends you may be very different from what offends me and I should not be denied the opportunity to read/watch what I want simply because it offends you.

But there is also a limit to that. If someone is clearly just out to get their jollies, then certainly, their thread should be eliminated and they should be warned/banned/whatever they do to deal with that here.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

The heading near the top of the page whenever you are in the sex section clearly states:



> *Sex in Marriage* Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.


Similar info is on the homepage under the category description.

Other than putting a pop-up window (which everyone hates), I don't know what else to say about it.

The purpose of the section is for people asking for help with problems, and for others to offer advice. Anything posted other than that is subject to deletion, and I just don't have time to explain to the whole community or the OP why it was deleted every time I do it. It's not an "offense" that requires being banned or anything, so it shouldn't be a big deal. 

The purpose for the strict guidelines is to keep people from using the site for sexual gratification, we want the site to be educational, and not something we are afraid of our kids seeing when they are of age to read this kind of stuff.

So unless it's a specific personal problem you're posting about here, asking for help with, it is subject to deletion.

Believe me, before we started deleting stuff in the sex section, we were getting some crazy and bizarre posts. It attracts a totally different crowd, who would be better off posting on forums that encourage that type of stuff. 

We want the site to be focused on helping marriages and relationships, which of course sex is often a big part of. The problem is, I truly believe if we left that section uncensored, it would take over the site. Just have a look at how many people are browsing it at any given point in time compared to other sections.

Also, like Amp said previously, people can and often do delete their own threads, so don't just assume a mod deleted something because you don't see it anymore.

That's one thing I believe we do better than other forums - giving people the ability to delete anything they have posted. Most other forums I know of don't do that.

The advertising thing isn't a big deal. Google complained about some threads, so we just took their ads off the whole sex section. I'm not going to let advertisers dictate our content.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

Also I should mention, that what could be called "graphic content" is often times left up on the site because it is necessary for people to explain a problem or a possible solution to a problem. 

So deleted threads aren't necessarily deleted for being graphic. I just deleted one where someone asked if the women here like lingerie. It wasn't graphic at all, but it's against the sex section guidelines because that person didn't clearly post it to solve some personal problem they were dealing with.


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