# Update



## guiltygirl (Aug 8, 2008)

I took the day off because I went to the NKOTB concert last night, so I wanted to get on the forum and give a quick update. I haven't been on in awhile...partly because I've been so busy, but also because I'm trying not to be totally dependent on this support. I am trying to learn to deal with things from day to day on my own. It's incredibly difficult, but I'm doing okay.

I have started counseling, and my husband came to the second session. We've had a little bit of therapy, and the therapist is completing various assessments in order to obtain a correct diagnosis of my illness. We will be going to counseling weekly for the time being.

I hurt my husband at the last session by admitting that I haven't really felt attracted to him lately, which is why I haven't been giving him the love and affection that he needs and deserves. Last week, the outcome of this was a huge blow-up on his part. It was scary...no abuse or anything like that, but still a shock! He did apologize though and we've moved on.

My husband and I have had great communication, but I often end up feeling like a horrible person when we are done talking. He is seeking out a great deal of reassurance...I understand why, but it causes me more anxiety. I am making an effort to give him the attention and affection he needs, even when I don't feel like it. Maybe eventually, this will feel normal again.

We have a long road ahead of us...I only pray that through the help of our therapist and a psychiatrist, that I can get to the point where I can _live_ my life, instead of riding a rollercoaster of emotions while my life passes me by.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think right now you are trying to think your way through your relationship. Maybe once you let it happen, everything else will fall into place.

draconis


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## guiltygirl (Aug 8, 2008)

Yeah, it feels like I'm trying to force something. Letting go of this "thinking" problem has been troublesome for me though. I analyze eveything to death. Thank God my husband is so understanding...it's amazing he is supporting me despite my disclosed feelings. I keep remembering what several people have put on the forum...love is not something you feel, it's something you do. So, right now, I'm just trying to show him I love him in my own way. 

It seems as though there's not much else to say on the subject. It was good to hear from you. Thanks for the input.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Like all writers will tell you they have a goal of what they need to write everyday. At times you look at the paper and start to write I am bored, in a hundred different ways. Other times you write about writers block. But then through the effort sometimes it clicks and you can not write enough because you are being flooded with ideas. Think of it that way and I hope your love(r) block is lifted soon.

draconis


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## md250r (Sep 8, 2008)

It is really great to hear that you guys are working on this. I have still been in the same boat really. My wife and I have still been going to couseling, but she still can't seem to make herself start moving toward anything. She is still feeling like you were, that she doesn't think her feelings can change and she hasn't done anything to make them change yet. I really beleive that if you both keep working and encouraging each other that the feelings will return and will be even stronger than before. If they don't return then a least you will both know that you gave it your best effort. I also have been staying away from this site a bit. I think that continuing to talk about and focus on why we feel like this only hinders us from moving forward. My wife has been a little more open to talking lately and I think she is starting to realize that depression is hindering her thoughts. I continue to pray for her and for your situation as well. I don't know how you or your husband feel, but trying to find a locla church and getting involved will only make things better for both of you. You can surround yourself with others that have probably been through similar situations and can guide and encourage you both.


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## guiltygirl (Aug 8, 2008)

Draconis- you definitely think like a writer...I should know, I'm an English teacher. I get your point though. I also hope this block dissipates.

md250r- It's good to hear from you. It's interesting how similar our situations have been. My husband has changed so much over the past month or so...I hardly recognize him. He does nice things for me all the time without any expectations. He talks openly with me and is extremely supportive of the bipolar situation. This is why my guilt continues to increase when I don't feel like I "love" him. It's a complicated thing, I guess. Maybe I'm making it harder than it has to be. 

Over the past couple of days, he has left me a nice note and given me a rose just to cheer me up. I love that he is doing these things for me, and I think it is helping me to feel closer to him. I'm just not sure that I am as giving as I should be...hence the guilt. 

I agree about moving forward. Dwelling on the negative emotions can be very damaging. I am glad you and your wife are making some progress with counseling and talking. Keep working at it...what else can we do, right? I will also continue to pray that your relationship grows stronger. My husband and I have been members of a church for many years...but we really don't have a support network there unfortunately.

Best wishes...and thanks for you comments.


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