# Exposure? When is this right?



## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Just had a question about exposure. So, I get proof of the affair, but I've decided I can't take my husband back, even if he wanted to come back. Right now he is high in the fog, and has the scorched earth mentality. I think if I showed him the proof he'd justify it and say it just started right after we separated. He already set me up for that. 

Anyhow, he's shut out most of his friends, thought they've talked to me. He has blocked most people from his facebook wall. He thinks he can fool everyone and just say "we grew apart". He even has his parents fooled. Is exposure even worth my time in this situation if I don't want to save the marriage any longer? I used to want to save it at any cost, but I've decided my dignity is not something I'm willing to give up, and I don't see how I could ever trust him again. 

If exposure is necessary, what's the right and wrong way to do it? Would it be wrong to message all of their facebook friends? Her family? His parents? I just don't know if I let it all go and don't give it an ounce of attention, or if I still expose. KWIM? What do you guys thing?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

If you are done with the relationship, then be done with it. Don't volunteer the info to anyone, but tell the truth if asked. Keep the proof of the affair in case he comes back in the future saying that it never happened.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

I suggest you expose this to his parents, siblings and yours. If you happen to know if the OW is married or her parents do the same. You do this in a manner to set the record straight, ensure they know that the separation and marriage breakdown is due to the affair , you do this for you to ensure you are protected from his lies, thereafter if friends ask you tell them the truth and do not water down the words, adultry is adultry do not be shy to use the word. 

Protect yourself, do not debate this , this limited exposure is for you and your future well being. Keeping this a secret enables his lies and deceit that makes you an accomplice. Honesty and truth are your tools for recovery if not of your marriage then for yourself . A simple letter from yourself explaining the affair in a words will do it .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Yes, via facebook I have access to his friends, her friends, her family, etc. I can contact his family members directly. I did email his mother and let her know the truth (she had shared my suspicions) but she is stonewalling me in true parent manner. I wouldn't expect any different. 

He has shut everyone out, so I have no doubt they would believe me, although it's completely uncharacteristic. His closest friends know, even though he won't admit it to them. I want to walk away with my dignity, but I do feel like people should know the truth about his new special friend. And what really has me all worked up is how this is affecting the kids and he is not a part of being here to explain or console them. But my son is almost 9 and I think he's figured things out. 

OW's divorce was final last week. She filed in January when my husband went out there to see her. He hasn't even filed. Not sure if she knows those details. But basically, at this point, he spent Easter with her and her kid instead of his own kids, and he's dipping out on them on Thursday visitation this week. Not Cool.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Are you going to expose this , if you have access to Facebook and her list of friends list you can get the truth out. Your husband is cake eating, he is with her while he has you in reserve I would personally shatter that fantasy. 

If you choose to go this route post there are words we can give you as a template.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> Yes, via facebook I have access to his friends, her friends, her family, etc. I can contact his family members directly. I did email his mother and let her know the truth (she had shared my suspicions) but she is stonewalling me in true parent manner. I wouldn't expect any different.
> 
> He has shut everyone out, so I have no doubt they would believe me, although it's completely uncharacteristic. His closest friends know, even though he won't admit it to them. I want to walk away with my dignity, but I do feel like people should know the truth about his new special friend. And what really has me all worked up is how this is affecting the kids and he is not a part of being here to explain or console them. But my son is almost 9 and I think he's figured things out.
> 
> OW's divorce was final last week. She filed in January when my husband went out there to see her. He hasn't even filed. Not sure if she knows those details. But basically, at this point, he spent Easter with her and her kid instead of his own kids, and he's dipping out on them on Thursday visitation this week. Not Cool.


I think purpose of exposure is to make their relationship uncomcomfortable when trying to save relationship - not revenge. They are pretty open with their relationship and he has claimed your marriage is over. It would make you look bad too. Given timing - he just looks like he's moving on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Eli-Zor said:


> Are you going to expose this , if you have access to Facebook and her list of friends list you can get the truth out. Your husband is cake eating, he is with her while he has you in reserve I would personally shatter that fantasy.
> 
> If you choose to go this route post their are words we can give you as a template.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Eli-zor, he isn't cake eating. Yes he had affair but for past while has stated marriage is over. Wife isn't on reserve, he has asked for divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Almost all waywards say the marriage is over it Is what make the affair legit in their minds ; if it is truly over he would not object to the good news being spread as for revenge well that word is used frequently when exposure is opposed. Telling the truth is not revenge , the final voice is the posters . As for cake earing , he is preparing his bed with his mistress he has not filed because his plans are not complete , he wants to ease his exit,, that is cake eating. From experience I highly recommend she expose the affair.

Futhermore this is not a debate with yourself the advice given is for a betrayed spouse it is from a working process and not a pesonal opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lonely, i think exposure works best when the affair is still being hidden. In his case, he has told you to your face that he is with her and was unfaithful to you w/ her. So he has made it public knowledge.

If you hadn't have spoken to his parents already, I would have advised you telling his mother "FYI: The current state of our marriage is because Mr. Lonely is actively involved in an affair with SkankBag." But you said his mother is frends with her on FB so she already knows.

Showing him pictures... he will just call you psycho and ask if you were following him and tell you, "Well what is there to know? I already told you I'm with her now."

I think right now the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to put your game face on and retrieve with dignity.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Eli-Zor said:


> Almost all waywards say the marriage is over it Is what make the affair legit in their minds ; if it is truly over he would not object to the good news being spread as for revenge well that word is used frequently when exposure is opposed. Telling the truth is not revenge , the final voice is the posters . As for cake earing , he is preparing his bed with his mistress he has not filed because his plans are not complete , he wants to ease his exit,, that is cake eating. From experience I highly recommend she expose the affair.
> 
> Futhermore this is not a debate with yourself the advice given is for a betrayed spouse it is from a working process and not a pesonal opinion.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Everyone knows. They post loving hearts to each other on fb - their families are fb friends and how anxious they are to see each other. I believe exposure would make Lonely look foolish - everyone knows
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Well, here's the thing. NO ONE knows, really. My guess is that he made up some excuse for being gone for the week to his parents, and the skankbag has blocked his mom from her page. He denied having anyone else to his best friends, family, everyone. So, it isn't public knowledge. She doesn't know I can see their hearts and lovies to each other. I'm sure of that. I talked to his best friend last night and he said that he doesn't think H will ever tell him he is with her, because he knows he'd catch crap for it. Everyone would see right through it. 

If anything, SHE is trying to make it public and he thinks it's hidden. She used to have everything on lockdown, but then changed her settings so her fb wall is open to friends of friends. This allows all of his facebook friends to see her page and know what's going on. He has even blocked all of our mutual friends from seeing his wall. He's got something to hide and he's still hiding it. But she went to great lengths to block all of my closest friends and family because she doesn't want to be bothered. He knows full well that no one would buy his story of "he's just moving on."


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Your husband is playing a game, prepare yourself and expose this then close the door and move on . Do not be part of this deception, if you so wish words can be provided.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I agree I want to take the high road and proceed with dignity, but I feel that people should know the truth. Especially those that sat at our wedding and watched him cry. Those that sat with us at Christmas dinner and saw us happy together. Those affected by this and being used as alibis. I am the only one that he's admitted his "talking" to her for 4 weeks. And he lied straight to my face and told me he wasn't seeing her this weekend. 

There's also the issue of him trying to look like this super dad, but he chose to spend Easter with his mistress and her child instead of his own kids. He's also already ditching them on Thursday in favor of his new family. And let's just say my son is putting pieces together and overhearing things. Not good for H at all. I don't know how to smooth this over, nor am I going to. All my son knows is that daddy is burying his head in the sand and running off without at least sitting down and having the balls to tell the truth to his son or at least let him know what's happening. And he's watching mommy try to hold it together and be his rock. Unfortunately, I think he's already caused a lot more damage than he realizes. I spent an hour last night trying to reassure my son that his father loves him and he thinks he's doing the right thing, but he's going through some things and only thinking of himself right now. That I'm going to be there and his dad will be there, but sometimes grown ups make some bad choices that they have to learn from. I explained to him how I went through several divorces as a child, but it meant a lot to know my mom was always there and never lied to me. And that we will all be fine. He got pretty upset, and we talked about counseling. I told him how I thought he might be feeling and he said I was right. And I told him he didn't need to worry himself with our issues, and he needed to just know that he was loved and cared for. 

Pisses me off that he's off in lala fantasy land while I'm comforting our crying children. He's off galavanting around feeling good about himself and he's single handedly decided the lives of our kids in his selfishness to have his ego stroked. I was so mad after I put the kids to bed I was tempted to call or text him. I wanted to blow it all up to the world. He needs consequences, and right now there are none.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Eli-Zor said:


> Your husband is playing a game, prepare yourself and expose this then close the door and move on . Do not be part of this deception, if you so wish words can be provided.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'd love words to help. I want to expose it with dignity, and I'll let people know I'm moving on. But I think it does need to be exposed...to his family, his friends, her family, her friends, our friends. Funny thing is, he is always talking about how I'm playing games. And this is obviously his game. I feel like I'm helping him by sitting idle and quiet. He thinks he's got me all under wraps. He admitted what little he did in order to keep me at bay.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Hi lost :

Below is a template that you can use for a facebook message to her friends and family , messages are to be 60 seconds apart or facebook will block you. Adapt it as you feel fit, please note in its current format or similar this has been very effective against OW's and OM's 



> Dear friend of XXXX,(full name of OW)
> 
> 
> It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends and family should know that XXX is having an adulterous affair with my husband , (your husbands first and last name) . They started the affair in ZZZZ.
> ...


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Eli-Zor said:


> Hi lost :
> 
> Below is a template that you can use for a facebook message to her friends and family , messages are to be 60 seconds apart or facebook will block you. Adapt it as you feel fit, please note in its current format or similar this has been very effective against OW's and OM's


Thanks, I can definitely adapt that. But I feel like he needs to take some of the responsibility too. I can send it to her parents as well. How about his family and friends? And her divorce was final last week, and I had contacted her ex with my suspicions and he didn't seem to care. Who knows what she's told people.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> Thanks, I can definitely adapt that. But I feel like he needs to take some of the responsibility too. I can send it to her parents as well. How about his family and friends? And her divorce was final last week, and I had contacted her ex with my suspicions and he didn't seem to care. Who knows what she's told people.


Yes you may certainty harden it and target her parents directly. Who cares what her ex thinks, let all know as everyone who meets your husband will know he is a cheater. 

Below is one for his family and friends change as you require. 



> Dear friend of YY( husbands name)
> 
> I am writing this to ask you to support myself and my family though this difficult period . As you may already know my husband, YYY is in an adulterous affair with XXX ( OW's name). This affair is affecting the well being of our marriage, our family and our son.
> 
> ...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And sending that on FB would do what exactly?

He has already left Lonely, told her he's basically with this chick and openly admitted to cheating on her. 

If people ASK then yes, tell them, We split because he had an affair and chos ethe affair over our marriage.

They are GOING to know you're not together since he left. 

I firmly believe she has her profile public so that Lonely can view everything, to bait Lonely.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> And sending that on FB would do what exactly?
> 
> He has already left Lonely, told her he's basically with this chick and openly admitted to cheating on her.
> 
> ...


Believe me, I've considered that she's rubbing it in my face, just as she was when she posted things on his wall a few months ago. No doubt about it, she's a dirty skank. BUT, what purpose would this serve for her? What is she baiting me to do? I don't get it.

People will know we aren't together, and he thinks he can keep up the facade as the good dad who was in a marriage that just grew apart and he did everything to save it but we decided together that we couldn't. BS alert. I think people should know what he's done to his family and his children. I won't do it until she's back cozy at home. People aren't going to ask. Most will draw their own conclusions, but he's kept this so in the dark it's unbelievable. He's so defensive because he knows he's stuck. Too many people close to him have drawn their conclusions from what I've said. 

I guess I'm kind of stuck between exposing them which would make it uncomfortable and who knows what would happen. He'd get so angry for me "dragging people into it" he might become hard to deal with. But then would he and she both still wonder what would have become of their love affair if they do break up? I'd rather watch it crash and burn all on its own and have him realize what he's done and live with the regret and guilt. If I force them out of a relationship, I don't want him back, so he'll have resentment and bitterness towards me, and his regret will be that he never played out his fantasy completely with her. KWIM? Maybe I'm losing it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> BUT, what purpose would this serve for her? What is she baiting me to do? I don't get it.


While I can't mind-read, she *knows* you are upset by his affair, he's telling her you are crazy and she is riling you up by posting these things so that you go off and it plays right into her hand with him. She is clearly a very conniving person if she has no problems shacking up with a married guy who has children. So her posting allt hat stuff for you to see...she knows it will upset you, you will tell your hub about it, he will go to her to complain about you again and she will say, "Omg you are right...she IS totally nuts" all while thinking "I've got this in the bag." It works in her favor if you go off on him.

Stop looking at her page. For real.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Never thought of it that way. It's got to be driving her crazy that I'm not all up in their business. She's really underestimated me, though.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Lonely there is no right answer however what you do know is if your husband is capable of behaving as he is now he will be a lot worse when he is with her , do yourself a faviour send the messages then close down, at a minimum you have told the truth and no one can hide away and distort it. Why worry what he says when you send the message , any sane and rational person will understand what is happening and your message will be forever a reminder to them of their adutry. Thereafter move on with your own life and monitor what happens , do not let his affair overwhelm your recovery.

At a point is time when the fog clears and should he ask to return it will be your decision as will be the terms of recovery.

Btw If he is angry that is good as his lie is catching up with him and he has to face the real world.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Eli-Zor said:


> Lonely there is no right answer however what you do know is if your husband is capable of behaving as he is now he will be a lot worse when he is with her , do yourself a faviour send the messages then close down, at a minimum you have told the truth and no one can hide away and distort it. Why worry what he says when you send the message , any sane and rational person will understand what is happening and your message will be forever a reminder to them of their adutry. Thereafter move on with your own life and monitor what happens , do not let his affair overwhelm your recovery.
> 
> At a point is time when the fog clears and should he ask to return it will be your decision as will be the terms of recovery.
> 
> ...


Yes, I think you're right about the anger. Chances are, if he's lying like this to me, he's also lied to her. Probably all along. I've never directly even contacted her. Do you suggest I do this? 

I feel like exposing would cause the fantasy world to come crashing down. His justifications just wouldn't hold up. However, my concern would be that members of his family that I've always had a good relationship with would think I was out to bash him, just as he's tried to tell people already. It's not about that, it's more about letting people know of his choices and how they are affecting everyone. 

I am done with sitting in limbo. I do not want to be married to this man who has treated our family like this and lied again and again. A man who has betrayed me twice. Just can't do it. Last time, no one found out about it because I was so embarrassed. I think he might be banking on this. I'm kind of afraid of how crazy he'll become once the cat is out of the bag. Eek!

So in the letter, do I mention that this is his high school girlfriend and she lives 2500 miles away, and that he chose to spend Easter with her and her kid over his own children?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Right now he doesn't care about the cat being out of the bag since he is openly involved with her. He's a fool who has cheated on you more than once w/ different people.

You KNOW you deserve better. Don't stoop to his level.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Keep to the template , make minor changes where you wish to , short and sweet no other details are required . You may receive some replies both positive and negative do not respond to any of them. The next step is to switch to a Plan B , when you are ready I can post details on this part of the processes. Adulterers fear the truth anyone who berates you for telling the truth is ???? well you decide if you would want them in your social circle of friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

At a high level plan B is to protect you from his nonsense, there is process that works for most with slight tweaks for each case
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I don't respond to any replies from people? I guess I'm really weighing my options here. All his closest friends are supporting me and aware of the affair, but won't confront him about it because they don't want to look like they've betrayed him. The people I'd expose to would be like current and former work associates, as well as other Vegas sleaze that are associated with her. See, back in February they had no mutual friends. Now that number is growing exponentially. I guess I feel like his family should know. The ones that know me and sat there and watched us exchange vows. How do I decide who to tell and who to skip?

I guess a big part of my concern is making anyone and everyone feel uncomfortable around either of us. I don't want to stoop to his level, or have someone say I'm harassing them. But the letters are short and to the point. He might claim he's been open about being with her, but he hasn't. And I think even his parents are shielding it from the rest of the family. Or they know and are embarrassed. And what if they lash out at me? I guess it doesn't matter. I have my friends and family and they support me no matter what. 

This is a LOT to think about. Hmmmm. Thanks Eli-Zor, I do appreciate your insight. I hate that I'm even in this predicament! Grrr.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> I don't respond to any replies from people? I guess I'm really weighing my options here. All his closest friends are supporting me and aware of the affair, but won't confront him about it because they don't want to look like they've betrayed him. The people I'd expose to would be like current and former work associates, as well as other Vegas sleaze that are associated with her. See, back in February they had no mutual friends. Now that number is growing exponentially. I guess I feel like his family should know. The ones that know me and sat there and watched us exchange vows. How do I decide who to tell and who to skip?
> 
> I guess a big part of my concern is making anyone and everyone feel uncomfortable around either of us. I don't want to stoop to his level, or have someone say I'm harassing them. But the letters are short and to the point. He might claim he's been open about being with her, but he hasn't. And I think even his parents are shielding it from the rest of the family. Or they know and are embarrassed. And what if they lash out at me? I guess it doesn't matter. I have my friends and family and they support me no matter what.
> 
> This is a LOT to think about. Hmmmm. Thanks Eli-Zor, I do appreciate your insight. I hate that I'm even in this predicament! Grrr.


Be honest with yourself, if you were the one opening that message, what would your opinion be? At best, not your business at worst, you come off a loon. You just said it - his friends support you - his parents support him. She's open with her people - so who is left? If I got that email, I'd think sender is off the deep end. If I'm close enough to care, I'm close enough for whole nitty gritty first hand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Be honest with yourself, if you were the one opening that message, what would your opinion be? At best, not your business at worst, you come off a loon.
> 
> If I got that email, I'd think sender is off the deep end.


I agree totally.


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## psionivy (Apr 4, 2011)

I know you are going back and forth with the desision to write this letter. My view point is that, and I am kind of going through the same thing- my boyfriend is in contact with his HS GF from 20 years ago and it has caused problems with us and he is thinking of leaving- if he does I will confront her- What would it hurt, you have nothing to lose and if it will help you with closure then by all means. This is your choice and your alone and you have to live with whatever comes out of it. I am sorry for your hurt and I also have a 9 year old who thinks of this man as her daddy and it hurts us for our kids also- double the pain and we are left picking up the pieces. I say go to town girlfriend


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> My brother cheated on his first wife. First wife fell in a depression and committed suicide. OW was eventually welcomed in my brother's circle. You don't get more betrayed than that. We didn't approve of what he did but he is family. Point is eventually all is forgotten.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow that's just horrible!Did he have any kids with the first wife?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I think you should expose to whoever you need to in order to gain emotional support. If that includes sharing something on facebook like, "I wish he could have walked away before seeking an affair", I personally think it's okay. Keeping these things inside can do damage. I'm sure that many people will disagree with me about FB, though. 

You're not planning on seeking emotional support from his family or friends, so I don't think you should contact them. You'll be casting yourself in a negative light and you don't need that. 

I do think that the name calling and trying to convince him to do the right thing needs to stop. He's gone. It's time to build your strength and move on.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

psionivy said:


> I know you are going back and forth with the desision to write this letter. My view point is that, and I am kind of going through the same thing- my boyfriend is in contact with his HS GF from 20 years ago and it has caused problems with us and he is thinking of leaving- if he does I will confront her


The major difference between your situation and Lonely's is that her husband has already moved out, told her he wants a divorce, admitted to cheating on her with OW and has admitted his involvement with her. Therefore, it's not a secret.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

psionivy said:


> I know you are going back and forth with the desision to write this letter. My view point is that, and I am kind of going through the same thing- my boyfriend is in contact with his HS GF from 20 years ago and it has caused problems with us and he is thinking of leaving- if he does I will confront her- What would it hurt, you have nothing to lose and if it will help you with closure then by all means. This is your choice and your alone and you have to live with whatever comes out of it. I am sorry for your hurt and I also have a 9 year old who thinks of this man as her daddy and it hurts us for our kids also- double the pain and we are left picking up the pieces. I say go to town girlfriend


Exposure is done to stop the affair. If you're going to expose you want to do it before your boyfriend leaves. When they're gone it seems more like revenge than trying to repair the relationship.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

notreadytoquit said:


> Wow that's just horrible!Did he have any kids with the first wife?


No kids but it was 20 years ago and still leaves bitter taste!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

OMG Lonely, don't do it. They are already in a freakin' relationship for all to see. You will look desperate and kinda crazy, especially if all of these people (like his family) are FB friends with her.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> Be honest with yourself, if you were the one opening that message, what would your opinion be? At best, not your business at worst, you come off a loon. You just said it - his friends support you - his parents support him. She's open with her people - so who is left? If I got that email, I'd think sender is off the deep end. If I'm close enough to care, I'm close enough for whole nitty gritty first hand.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. Depending on how it was worded and my relationship with the sender. My friends, my family, and his closest friends support me. No one else knows about it, or they are keeping it in the dark. 



golfergirl said:


> My brother cheated on his first wife. First wife fell in a depression and committed suicide. OW was eventually welcomed in my brother's circle. You don't get more betrayed than that. We didn't approve of what he did but he is family. Point is eventually all is forgotten.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's nuts. Those demons will haunt him forever.



psionivy said:


> I know you are going back and forth with the desision to write this letter. My view point is that, and I am kind of going through the same thing- my boyfriend is in contact with his HS GF from 20 years ago and it has caused problems with us and he is thinking of leaving- if he does I will confront her- What would it hurt, you have nothing to lose and if it will help you with closure then by all means. This is your choice and your alone and you have to live with whatever comes out of it. I am sorry for your hurt and I also have a 9 year old who thinks of this man as her daddy and it hurts us for our kids also- double the pain and we are left picking up the pieces. I say go to town girlfriend


I am going back and forth. At least I am pondering it and I didn't just jump and do it only to regret it later. Still deciding...



WhereAmI said:


> I think you should expose to whoever you need to in order to gain emotional support. If that includes sharing something on facebook like, "I wish he could have walked away before seeking an affair", I personally think it's okay. Keeping these things inside can do damage. I'm sure that many people will disagree with me about FB, though.
> 
> You're not planning on seeking emotional support from his family or friends, so I don't think you should contact them. You'll be casting yourself in a negative light and you don't need that.
> 
> I do think that the name calling and trying to convince him to do the right thing needs to stop. He's gone. It's time to build your strength and move on.


Here's the thing. I don't think I'd send a letter to every person on his and her friend list. But I do feel like reaching out to his aunts and uncles (who for sure have been lied to by his parents) that I knew personally. And then mutual friends of H and OW, which would include her family. 

Did you mean sharing on fb, as in my status?! Because his family would flip. His mom is already being rude to me this morning. She said she doesn't like my sarcasm via text, because she doesn't treat me that way, and I replied that no, she just stonewalls me. Her reply was that she doesn't agree with posting a very private issue in a public domain. I haven't posted anything that makes it apparent what's going on, just that people have figured out I'm sure, that I'm going through something with my marriage. His mom blocked me from her wall after I blocked her from mine. But she is friends with the OW. I made some fine points via text about his priorities being straight, the truth being obvious & sad, and them protecting him and supporting his wreckless choices and how ashamed I am for him. 

He dipped out on the kids last night. They called and he said he wasn't coming to get them tonight. I called him and he said he told me that, but he never did. I have the emails. I'm so disappointed in him.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

KathyGriffinFan said:


> OMG Lonely, don't do it. They are already in a freakin' relationship for all to see. You will look desperate and kinda crazy, especially if all of these people (like his family) are FB friends with her.


HER family is friends with him, so they see it all. But they might not know he left his family for her. Who knows what kind of lies he tells her, you know? Like the fact that he hasn't filed or even sat down and told his kids he wasn't coming back?! 

However, HIS family is friends with ME and not her. So, he told me, if anyone is a mutual friend with me, they are blocked from his wall. I believe his parents know the truth, but probably his distorted version, but no one else knows it from him. He is making sure of that. Little does he know the [email protected] skank has her page set to friends of friends, which means any of those people that he blocked can click on her page and see it in all its glory. :rofl:


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

Lonely, 

I have some relatives in the family that are royally screwed up. This entire side of the family (all men) cheat on their wives and their wives take them back.
Anyhow, this one relative on that side of the family, left his wife at 8 months pregnant. At the time, he said it was because she did not cook/clean, have sex with him, and gave all the excuses he could muster.
The real reason he left? He left to be with his own cousins girlfriend. This girlfriend has a baby by the cousin.
Now this guy and this chick are in a full blown relationship. They get together with their kids. Imagine when they get older, and if they are still together, that the one kid of hers is gonna know that his dad is actually cousins with his moms boyfriend.

Anyhow, everyone despised this chick at first. Everyone said the same thing, we'll never like her, what a ****. The former wife even called relatives to try and get them on her side. Two months later, they are all best friends with the new skank and go out and party with her. They are all FB friends and say how much they love the new girl, in the mean time, they are friends with the ex-wife on FB. I imagine she reads those posts. They've all gone out of town together and are planning a trip to Vegas shortly.

The loyalty to the ex went out the window and stayed with this relative.

The new chick slowly began to become FB friends with all our relatives. They did take her in. Now, when the ex-wife posts a picture of the baby that her and my relative share, the new GF will post a pic right on top of that showing that they were all out together, including the newborn (remember, this relative left the ex when she was 8 months preggers).

I'm sorry it is quite confusing and VERY disgusting.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

^ Yeah, that is disgusting. Poor woman and child! I don't know where this will go with her. He said the same thing in a conversation where he denied anything going on with her, "Where would that go exactly?" I really don't think he'd leave his kids and move back there. But she's got nothing to lose, she's a freaking nail tech. I don't see his friends being accepting of this at all. His best friend is rather disgusted and is telling me to leave him. H won't admit it to him though.


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