# Facing divorce



## bmtgrl (Nov 2, 2007)

My husband wants a divorce. I don't. If it does go through I don't know what's going to happen to me and my son. When I married my husband I moved across the country to be with him. I made the decision to spend my life with him. Now he's making a decision that will change my life and my sons life forever. We moved 2 years ago to be closer to my family and his other son from his first marriage, however, we are still 4hrs away from them (and 8 from my mom). Now that he is talking divorce, he expects me to stay in this area. I may want to move (with my son of course) to be near my family for support. If I try to leave, he will fight me for our son. He is trying to control this whole process, and rush it. I told him that if he rushes this process I will dig in my heals. He wants me to move out, us to establish visitation for him and child support amount, and then he will file. I don't know if this is the best way to deal with this. He is trying to set is all up so that he gets the house and I can't leave the area. The house is not my concern because I know I can not afford it on my own, even with child support. I am scared to death of not getting full custody of my son. I truly need to have him, this is not just a want, it really is a need. I'm sure you moms out there will understand this. I have plans to get an attorney, I hope he's a good one.


----------



## sarahdale24 (Feb 3, 2008)

Are you going out of state with your son? If not then I don't think he can do anything. My advice would be to look into state laws that deal with that issue. Did he give you a reason for the divorce? Keep us posted hope things work out in your end...


----------



## bmtgrl (Nov 2, 2007)

Yes I would consider moving out of state, however he has a son from a previous marriage already out of state. I would move to the same town.
His reason for divorce changes. One day he doesn't love me, another day we want different things for our future. We had a heart to heart talk last night and I really feel like he still loves me and wants to stay married. He has been hurt and he has a huge wall put up. I can not get through the wall and he will not let me in. He is affraid of being hurt again.


----------



## sarahdale24 (Feb 3, 2008)

Can u go see someone? Maybe talk it out? If he wants the marriage to work, then maybe he would be up for it. Just let him know you are there and wanna work things out, but that you both need to communicate...


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

bmtgrl said:


> He is affraid of being hurt again.


Did you "hurt" him or are you refering to his ex?

draconis


----------



## bmtgrl (Nov 2, 2007)

I believe him being "hurt" is cumalative over the years of our relationship. It's been a horrible cycle, one of us does something (or doesn't do something) and that causes a reaction and so on and so on. We are both very stubborn people (of course I think he's more stubborn than I am) Our communication has been broken down for years, heck, maybe we never really had good communication. Whenever we try to talk about serious stuff (involving feelings) one of us tends to 'shut down'. He is afraid to open up to me (or at least that's what he says). I am trying to be patient (which is very difficult since I'm not a patient person). I am trying to be loving toward him and I just hope that this wall he has up will come down. I don't know how long I can continue to put in the effort without getting anything in return.


----------



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

bmtgrl said:


> I believe him being "hurt" is cumalative over the years of our relationship. It's been a horrible cycle, one of us does something (or doesn't do something) and that causes a reaction and so on and so on. We are both very stubborn people (of course I think he's more stubborn than I am) Our communication has been broken down for years, heck, maybe we never really had good communication. Whenever we try to talk about serious stuff (involving feelings) one of us tends to 'shut down'. He is afraid to open up to me (or at least that's what he says). I am trying to be patient (which is very difficult since I'm not a patient person). I am trying to be loving toward him and I just hope that this wall he has up will come down. I don't know how long I can continue to put in the effort without getting anything in return.


Have you tried pillow talk? Most people after sex are much more open and trusting. If that doesn't work find a quiet place with no distractions which might help.

draconis


----------

