# Lonely



## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

It's only been 2 1/2 weeks but I'm already lonely.

Is this normal? I'm miss my wife's companionship..


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Yes, it is normal.

It is going to affect you more now than it will in a few months. I am four months in, and still get lonely. I don't have kids and live alone, so that will happen.

We all miss companionship. We miss a lot of things. But we have to accept that this is where we are right now, and do what we can to be around other people even when we don't feel like it.

Friday nights have always been the hardest night of the week for me to be alone. Still are. Probably because growing up it was always family time. My sister and her family lives in the same town I do, but I still feel alone on nights like tonight when I am home alone.

TAM has been great for times like these. Post away, my dear, it will help!


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## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

yup, friday night, date night. so over..


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Yep.. I have my girls here but it just isn't the same. I would really like to cuddle up to her on the couch.. 

I was at Walmart tonight and saw a bunch of people holding hands shopping, and a couple in their 70's holding hands.

Crap like that sets me off. It just makes me sad.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Nights like tonight I cuddle up to my friend Baileys. He's on the rocks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

My youngest just crawled into my lap for a rock-a-bye.... that helped a ton...


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## AUGUSTBABY (Aug 2, 2012)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> My youngest just crawled into my lap for a rock-a-bye.... that helped a ton...


Tonight is the first night without my kids. My H took them to his folks for a week. The longest the kids & I have been apart since they were born is 3 days. ( girls 6 & 8 and I'm a SAHM). we are separating when he gets back.

But both you and I will be OK. The internet and cable TV bring distraction, companionship and understanding. This website is great and makes me feel better (but time passes fast posting). Watch shows or movies on TV or the internet that make you laugh - right now I'm watching 30 Rock episodes. My Name is Earl, Arrested Development, Will and Grace make me hoot! It feels good to laugh. Give it a try. Thinking of you tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Well... for the first time in about 5 years I went to the library by myself.

I grabbed a magazine and plopped my butt in a chair. I even got a library card.

I looked around me... some seemed to really be enjoying themselves... others looked pathetic like me 

I stayed for a half hour then left.


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## AUGUSTBABY (Aug 2, 2012)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> Well... for the first time in about 5 years I went to the library by myself.
> I grabbed a magazine and plopped my butt in a chair. I even got a library card.
> 
> I looked around me... some seemed to really be enjoying themselves... others looked pathetic like me
> ...


Good for you! I know how hard that is and that's a big, great step. The unhappy ones are probably hiding from someone and the content ones have been doing it for a while!
You see the same scene at Starbucks or Barnes & noble (people can talk there but there's no talking at the library!)
There are groups I've seen on Meetup that do things on Fri/sat nights and you can sort it by place (groups meeting at Starbucks tonight) you don't even have to meet up with them, just watch.
Big step tonight fella. Good for you.
Also, the library here has really new movie DVDs and TV series DVDs too.check them out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I checked out some videos while I was there. I went to the big library in the local city and I am able to drop them off at the local library for return ( big bonus ). I saw a few tv series that I would like to see on there.

I might just check-out a few videos the next time I go in. I should take the kids next time since they have a HUGE kids section.

Both my girls love reading so I should make it a THING we do every week.

I'm also thinking about cooking classes for the girls and I so i'm not just making hamburger helper and Kraft Dinner all the time.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

They say a book can be your best friend. 

I spend hours at Barnes and Noble when my sons with my husband. It can be very relaxing unless i drift into the marriage help books. I will get an iced tea from Starbucks and relax in one of their big comfy chairs and read. 

Keep your mind occupied.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

It is just weird to be out by yourself... not having her text me to ask when i will be home, not having to care when I got back home, not having to ask where we should eat.

It is just plain weird.


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## AUGUSTBABY (Aug 2, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Yeah...it still makes me a bit sad but the weirdness goes away. Hey you can eat a big sandwich now in bed while watching tv without her *****ing at you. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

Don't think of it as weird. Think of it as 'free at last"..


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## ScottH454 (Jun 3, 2012)

Sounds like your doing better than me at moving forward if you actually went to the library. My biggest accomplishments still are to mow the yard. Starting to look like my wife left me an I turned into a hermit outside. Haven't talked to any neighbors yet, but after two months they must notice somethings up.

Put my contacts in (haven't bothered in a few years) an went to walmart, I know don't want to look to purdy there, but just to help the self-esteem out. Been working on the showing myself there is other women out there. Checking women out, but feels creepy.

I was a miserable lonely computer nerd before my wife an only went out at night to get food. I see myself right back there now an can't let myself be that guy again. I've lived here for eleven years an haven't made friends so kinda hurtin.

I know my relationship with my wife was messed up an she done me wrong. So what I think is the biggest loss for me is the companionship, not so much the wife. Maybe we need to get dogs.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I agree.. I fight to get the stuff done outside... 

Now it's the first long weekend here since she's left. She hasn't talked abut seeing the kids so I guess it's party time for her.. 

That makes me lonely in itself


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi Scott - 

I don't know if you are anywhere near a CrossFit gym, such as the two in Kennewick:

Natural Selection CrossFit
RSA CrossFit

or the one in Richland:

FallOut CrossFit – Exercise Fitness Training

But I have found that my CrossFit gym is the best thing ever for getting healthy, finding community and building confidence. And you will meet plenty of friendly, athletic women! I don't know what I would do without my CF workouts and community -- highly recommend checking it out if you can. It can change your life  

Hugs, - A12


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Today I went to a family event with the girls. Everyone around me was married. I felt like the odd person, I know some know of my separation to Lisa. It makes me feel like they are scared to talk to me because they don't know what to say. Like being on eggshells around me.. I just sat there and played on my phone while the girls swam in the pool.

It sucks......I feel worse today after the family event.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Sad - Feeling lonely is normal. I am almost three months in and still feel lonely. I do have my family around and a couple of friends. I also am thinking of going out and make new friends. But I just can't pull myself up to do it. That and I can't take any rejections, perhaps. And how will I put a happy face on when I am not really happy.  I wonder whether our spouses who left us have any loneliness feeling or they are just glad it's over. Oh well,.. I am doing it again, preoccupying with what they are thinking...


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Muriel, just DO it. Do not think. Just get dressed, make yourself look nice, and go to a meetups or something. There will be no rejection -- talk to the first person who smiles at you. Ask them to introduce you to anyone they k.ow. if they are new like you, circulate together. The biggest step is just leaving the house, even if you don't feel like it. Tell yourself it is as necessary as going to work or the grocery store -- for now it is a chore, but you have to just grin and bear it. I promise you will have more fun than you think. I had to force myself at first...I still do. Did last night in fact. May not have had the time of my life, but today I feeel like i was at least living, not stuck at home feeling sorry for myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Thanks, Myself.  I just wish you live right next to me and I'll ask you to go to gym with me.  I have been hanging out with family or friends every weekend. Most of my close friends are in other states. and I haven't even told them yet. I know, at some point, I'll suck it up and let the world know. Just too early for now. I have all coping mechanisms in place and yet if I ever become idle for a few minutes, guess where my thoughts are. I am still young and have a good job and family around. I should appreciate what I have and excited about the world awaiting for me to enjoy. And that and of course feeling like will I ever meet my Mr. Right. Ever.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

It is weird, 6 months separated, and if I'm out and I look at another man, I start comparing,, I don't see anyone "attractive"... I look at them and think, "could I be intimate with him"? NO... 

So, I know I need to focus on "ME",, not finding someone else right now anyway... since not divorced anyway.

I do think it will be a long time till I could let my walls down to open up to someone again.. but it is lonely... very much. Especially since we didn't ask for this.. we didn't ask for them to cheat or fall out of love ,, we were happy and content.


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## ScottH454 (Jun 3, 2012)

Thanks A12, that is taking exercise to extreme. My issue is I can't seem to get the motivation for it. I am working on the habit of exercise at home with crunches, situps, an now pushups. I hear an read the advice being given, but still stuck in the same rut.
So this will be a life change for me not so much getting over my wife. Myselfs' post is what I need to do, babysteps. I know I don't want to live the same lonely hermit life I had before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I have already found myself comparing other women too. I'm finding that I'm looking for rings also.

I still think my wife is very beautiful and it's hard to find someone that looks better in my eyes.

But then again I'm just coming on 3 weeks. All of this is very new to me.


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## daybyday26 (Aug 5, 2012)

Numb in Ohio said:


> I do think it will be a long time till I could let my walls down to open up to someone again.. but it is lonely... very much. Especially since we didn't ask for this.. we didn't ask for them to cheat or fall out of love ,, we were happy and content.


Exactly this for me. ^

But i know it gets lonely It's only been 5 weeks for me and I get lonely all the time it doesnt help that im still living in same place with same stuff.

Least I have 2 cats to keep me company . But Exercising does help its been the real main thing thats been getting me through this.

The first week I was seperated I joined a boot camp that I got to 3 days a week and get to meet intersting new people and whats better is know onw knows anything about me so I can be myself. That followed by Gym another 3 days a week It has really helped me get some self esteem back (Woot lost 7kg so far). 

I agree that Meetup is good as well. I havent been to many meetups but found a lot of fun groups. 

I think extending friend circles plus followed by re-discovering yourself will help getting into hobbies you have always wanted to.

But I agree it is hard sometimes and it does feel weird I've been so used to doing things with my wife and always having her there asking how my day was or always having someone to be close to and it takes a lot of adjustment to get used to not having that.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

That is the main thing... we got USED to it.

I think it will be difficult for me to let down my walls... I'm still so hurt.

It also seems like the idea of dating is going to more work than it's worth.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

I am 4 months in and have been hit by a wave of loneliness on the weekend just gone. I am child free every second weekend and it is when my son is with my ex that it can be hard. I have friends that ask me out often and I take them up on the offer a lot just to take my mind of things. For a while this works but when I come home to a quiet home the reality of my loneliness kicks in. So I think it comes and goes in waves. Only 2 weeks ago I was rejoicing in my new found freedom but I was at a party on Saturday night where 99% of the attendees were partnered/married...I was amongst a bunch of great friends but at the same time felt more alone than I ever have (if that makes any sense)

But good on you for getting out to the library. Even if it felt odd at least you got out. I know how tempting it is to hole up in your home and try to ignore the outside world. 

Hang in there and post here often. There is some great advice on here.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

I am one full year into the separation (divorce should be done next month). I'm still lonely. It was an 18-year marriage, and I'm still no where near ready to date. 

But it is gradually getting better. I'm sometimes one of those solo people in the library on a Friday night. Come sit with me, we'll keep each other company.


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## Going Mental (Apr 8, 2012)

If its any consolation, I had my first night out only a week after separation, that I initiated. I went out for the first time in about 22 years without obligation & I felt the same way. Considering I finally called quits on our marriage, I thought I would have been more enthusiastic, but all I could think about was do I really have to reenter this meat market?? Methinks I'm going to need a lot of time to grieve this change in my life. Keep your chin up,you are not alone.


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## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

Was out looking at new places to live today, and after the first few stops, it was just too much to bear. I guess it's still to raw after six weeks, but I have to force myself to move on and get as far away from this home we shared together as soon as possible..

Nothing will clear my mind faster that new furniture..


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Lonely again this morning. Feeling pretty down. It is a holiday here in Canada and is the first time we've been apart on one. I could really use a hug from her today.


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## 94nole (Aug 2, 2012)

Well, I'm glad I found this place and that all the feelings I have are felt by others...and I'm not weird! Trying not to hijack this thread...really.

But, I just left a 25 year marriage...she had no interest in making any effort in keeping the marriage alive and was willing to literally live together for the rest of our natural lives. I felt strongly that if I was going to live alone, I'd would prefer to be alone. I actually moved to a new town a few hundred miles away. Jury is still out on whether that was a wise move (I work from home and can live anywhere there is a high speed internet connection.) There was no infidelity...just two people who shared no common interests. Not sure we ever did...but I do miss something. Not sure if it is her I miss or simply having someone to live/interact with and she has the dog (we have two grown sons).

Anyway, they do say that misery loves company. So, I am not happy to have so many who are dealing with the same issues but it is nice to have confirmation to know that a lot of my feelings are not mine alone.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

You are not hijacking. This thread is about being lonely. we can all be lonely together in one place.

This morning I'm fighting going out to cut the lawn. I keep thinking.. what's the point.

Even with full custody, I'm still lonely. Even with them on my lap and telling me they love me, I'm still lonely.

Humans are meant to have someone with them, to care for them, and for them to care for.

Love is powerful, is can make you the happiest, it can make you the sadist, it can make you conquer all, it can make you hide from the world.


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## 94nole (Aug 2, 2012)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> You are not hijacking. This thread is about being lonely. we can all be lonely together in one place.
> 
> This morning I'm fighting going out to cut the lawn. I keep thinking.. what's the point.
> 
> ...


I hear you...and I look forward to a real relationship somewhere down the road..

But for now, the one thing I do make sure I do is get out of the house as often as I can. Sometimes it seems pretty pointless but just a change of scenery will do wonders for you.

Unfortunately, I live in a rented townhouse so there is no yard work to do (the home I left had a nice yard that I maintained). But about a 1/4 mile away, there is a lake with a 2.25 mile walking/jogging/running/biking path around it. I try to make 2 laps around that every week day and on the weekends if I feel like it. I don't have to interact with anyone if I don't feel like it or I can simply smile at someone...we're not there to socialize but sometimes nice non-verbal communication is a real boost.

Make yourself get out and exercise...endorphins are your best friend right now. And this is from one whose only exercise prior to about a month ago was walking to the mailbox. I made myself do it and I feel great while I am out doing it as well as after I am done. I am down about 15 lbs and look forward to losing more weight...I have totally changed the way I eat. The social part will come later when I have more confidence and have determined what I am missing the most.

So, thanks for posting your story...it helps us all and perhaps a couple of things said here will help you.

But really try to get out and get some exercise...it will make you feel better...wish I had bought into this many years ago...my life may have been a lot different.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I'm glad you are getting out. I find making myself go to work is the best thing. I'm self employed and have considered just staying in bed a few days and call in staff to cover for me but know that is not healthy at all.

Everyone that is lonely should post here. Tell us why your lonely, how you deal with it.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi All - 

For what it is worth, in dealing with feelings of lonliness, sadness, fear, anger and anxiety, that have come up because of the rift in my marriage, I have found the following book extremely helpful:

Embracing The Now: Finding Peace And Happiness In What Is
Amazon.com: Embracing The Now: Finding Peace And Happiness In What Is (9780615240688): Gina Lake: Books

I downloaded it on my Kindle and found it to be a VERY useful resource.

Cheers, - A12


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## Going Mental (Apr 8, 2012)

I am seriously struggling to get out and exercise...my bad eating habits are back with a vengence & its flu season here in Australia so that has derailed my exercise goals as well. *sighs* 

PS the point of mowing the lawn is to do something in spite of how crappy you feel. Guaranteed you will feel better after


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