# Contagious?



## skb

Well, who thinks divorce is contagious? Divorcing my husband had not even entered my mind until I had lunch with a close friend. She announced she was getting a D and gave me the details over lunch. I promise you on the way back to the office I suddenly began thinking I should probably go ahead and divorce my H. In all honesty I no longer love him and there have been OM. I had lunch with her Wednesday and since that time all I’ve thought about was yes, I need to go ahead with a D. I’ve been through it before so I know the drill. Have a D talk with my H and make an appointment with an attorney. That should get things started.


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## east2west

Great.

When you have the talk with your H tell him to come here for advice.

We will show him how to deal with his cheating and deceiving POS wife.


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## daisygirl 41

Remember to tell him how you've been cheating on him then and don't blame shift!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skb

east2west said:


> Great.
> 
> When you have the talk with your H tell him to come here for advice.
> 
> We will show him how to deal with his cheating and deceiving POS wife.


STBX can deal with his own problems regarding our D. I don't appreciate the reference to a POS wife. Not necessary.


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## skb

daisygirl 41 said:


> Remember to tell him how you've been cheating on him then and don't blame shift!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now why would I want to go and admit ANYTHING? Of course the D is partially his fault. If he had taken care of things in the bedroom I would not have looked outside the marriage.


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## that_girl

Wow. What was the purpose of this post? :lol: Damn.


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## east2west

skb said:


> STBX can deal with his own problems regarding our D. I don't appreciate the reference to a POS wife. Not necessary.


You came here looking for opinions.


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## skb

that_girl said:


> Wow. What was the purpose of this post? :lol: Damn.


>Well, who thinks divorce is contagious? Divorcing my husband had not even entered my mind until I had lunch with a close friend.<

Peer pressure involved in the divorce decision process, perhaps?


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## that_girl

Perhaps for dead marriages or weak people. Is this middle school? What? I don't get it.

I read about divorce on here all the time and I'd not divorce my man


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## This is me

Contagious! Yes indeed. 

When my wife mentioned the D word, her sister who she works with and spends too much time with was breaking up with her boyfriend. 

One of my sisters confided in me that early in her marriage one of her coworkers was going through divorce and had her start going down the same path. She came to her senses and is now happily married for over 35 years.


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## that_girl

I just can't see how it can be contagious. If you love your mate, your friend's divorce will not make you want to divorce  ...I have been single for a long time. I wouldn't go back to that just because my friends are divorcing :rofl:


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## skb

that_girl said:


> I just can't see how it can be contagious. If you love your mate, your friend's divorce will not make you want to divorce  ...I have been single for a long time. I wouldn't go back to that just because my friends are divorcing :rofl:


Of course I didn't decide on a divorce because my friend is divorcing. But it started me considering a divorce whereas previously it had never crossed my mind.


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## that_girl

Why not though? Divorce is an every day situation. You are cheating. Why would you stay? Selfish reasons, I'm sure.


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## skb

that_girl said:


> Why not though? Divorce is an every day situation. You are cheating. Why would you stay? Selfish reasons, I'm sure.


You're right. My reasons for staying were selfish. OK, so now I'm doing the right thing and divorcing my H.


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## skb

This is me said:


> Contagious! Yes indeed.
> 
> When my wife mentioned the D word, her sister who she works with and spends too much time with was breaking up with her boyfriend.
> 
> One of my sisters confided in me that early in her marriage one of her coworkers was going through divorce and had her start going down the same path. She came to her senses and is now happily married for over 35 years.


Thanks for your comments. Happy you worked things out with the W.


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## familyfirst09

Are you really looking for advice or for someone to tell you its ok? Because you won't find it here. I among others are devastated to be going through this horrible thing called divorce. Do you have children? Does your husband know you've cheated? Did you talk to him about your needs in the bedroom? People are not mind readers. Do you think you're life will be better? Do you think about all the friends and money you will lose? All the respect you will lose when people find out what you did? Do you think about how HE is feeling and what this will do to his life? Do you think how YOU will feel when your husband finds a new woman to "replace" you? Are you thinking at all? You're obviously a grown woman since you are married, don't blame peer pressure. Your husband did not make you cheat, he wasn't there to pull down your pants and put a man on top of you. GET HELP before you ruin countless lives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon

skb said:


> >Well, who thinks divorce is contagious? Divorcing my husband had not even entered my mind until I had lunch with a close friend.<
> 
> Peer pressure involved in the divorce decision process, perhaps?


no, not contagious, but possibly enabling, just a little more justification in your mind for the decisions to break your vows.


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## skb

familyfirst09 said:


> Are you really looking for advice or for someone to tell you its ok? Because you won't find it here. I among others are devastated to be going through this horrible thing called divorce. Do you have children? Does your husband know you've cheated? Did you talk to him about your needs in the bedroom? People are not mind readers. Do you think you're life will be better? Do you think about all the friends and money you will lose? All the respect you will lose when people find out what you did? Do you think about how HE is feeling and what this will do to his life? Do you think how YOU will feel when your husband finds a new woman to "replace" you? Are you thinking at all? You're obviously a grown woman since you are married, don't blame peer pressure. Your husband did not make you cheat, he wasn't there to pull down your pants and put a man on top of you. GET HELP before you ruin countless lives.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry to hear of your unhappiness during your divorce. You certainly ask a lot of questions! Yes I have a three, almost 4 yr old from my first marriage. Yes we covered his shortcomings in the bedroom twice. He would improve just a bit and then back to the usual. My husband has no idea I'm cheating. I plan to keep it that way. I don't plan to lose any respect or $$$$ due to the D. H will remarry and have a family I'm certain. And that's perfectly OK with me. I'm not blaming peer pressure for our D. I was simply pointing out I had not even considered a divorce until my friend told me the details of hers. I would imagine you and I differ on most topics. But then that's OK is'nt it? I just don't see where I'm ruining anyone's life. And finally: NO, he did not pull my pants down. LOL


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## skb

Lon said:


> no, not contagious, but possibly enabling, just a little more justification in your mind for the decisions to break your vows.


I really don't feel I needed any justification or enablement for breaking my vows. But thank you for pointing that out.


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## familyfirst09

Wow, are you really that niave?? I asked all those questions because those are the questions I wish my H would think about or thought about before he did what he did and quite frankly I wish I would have thought about them too. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break it. Own up to some of the responsibility. And you laugh at cheating on your spouse???? That is very heartless of you. Do you think at least what this could do to your children?? How old are you? Are you seeing a therapist? You should because I think you need help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon

skb said:


> I really don't feel I needed any justification or enablement for breaking my vows. But thank you for pointing that out.


So you have no conscience then? Because most people, especially those who marry have some set of morals that tells them cheating is wrong, and when we ourselves do something that goes against our own morals we create "cognitive dissonance" and we have to find some method to cope with that or we just won't function, in this case, the fact that your peers and those around you are divorcing too normalizes it so that you minimize or completely ignore the damage your actions have caused and are about to cause in order to take the immorality of the equation for you (and it is very apparent, especially from your comment that your H will have no difficulties healing and moving forward - is if you could even comprehend what he does or will feel).

To me, you sound very disconnected from reality right now... but I don't know you so maybe this is just the way you are, if so it is a pretty unique character that I don't see too many others having in common with you.


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## skb

familyfirst09 said:


> Wow, are you really that niave?? I asked all those questions because those are the questions I wish my H would think about or thought about before he did what he did and quite frankly I wish I would have thought about them too. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break it. Own up to some of the responsibility. And you laugh at cheating on your spouse???? That is very heartless of you. Do you think at least what this could do to your children?? How old are you? Are you seeing a therapist? You should because I think you need help.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Once again I'm sorry for your failed marriage. I hope your D is quick and you recover quickly. I didn't laugh at cheating on my husband. I laughed because YOU said he didn't pull my pants down and throw another man on top of me. Yes I thought that was funny. As I mentioned my daughter is from my first marriage. I think she'll do fine losing a stepdad. She spends every other weekend with her dad. I'm 26 if that matters. No I'm not seeing a therapist. I'm very strong willed and I seriously doubt I would be receptive.


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## skb

Lon said:


> So you have no conscience then? Because most people, especially those who marry have some set of morals that tells them cheating is wrong, and when we ourselves do something that goes against our own morals we create "cognitive dissonance" and we have to find some method to cope with that or we just won't function, in this case, the fact that your peers and those around you are divorcing too normalizes it so that you minimize or completely ignore the damage your actions have caused and are about to cause in order to take the immorality of the equation for you (and it is very apparent, especially from your comment that your H will have no difficulties healing and moving forward - is if you could even comprehend what he does or will feel).
> 
> To me, you sound very disconnected from reality right now... but I don't know you so maybe this is just the way you are, if so it is a pretty unique character that I don't see too many others having in common with you.


Well Lon, I'm good at compartmentalizing what you consider my immoral arena. Yes I lie and cheat in that arena. It goes with the territory. Outside that arena I'm straight as an arrow, believe it or not. To my knowledge I've never had anyone cheat on me. So I can only guess what his feelings will be. He's attractive, he has a good career. He'll do well.


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## Lon

skb said:


> Well Lon, I'm good at compartmentalizing what you consider my immoral arena. Yes I lie and cheat in that arena. It goes with the territory. Outside that arena I'm straight as an arrow, believe it or not. To my knowledge I've never had anyone cheat on me. So I can only guess what his feelings will be. He's attractive, he has a good career. He'll do well.


in that case, no I definitely don't think you caught a case of divorce, yours will be a new strain, so to speak.


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## familyfirst09

I don't know you and frankly wouldn't want to. You think because he's attractive and has a good career he will be fine? Sure he will be once he's done with your cheating [email protected]@ but for the next 2 years or so his life will be hell and so will yours. And whether its a step dad or not, you are breaking up your childs home, by the sounds of it for the second time. I feel sorry for your child. You really should talk to someone, really. You may think your strong willed but you're not. If you were, you would not have cheated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Cro-Magnon

skb said:


> Now why would I want to go and admit ANYTHING? Of course the D is partially his fault. If he had taken care of things in the bedroom I would not have looked outside the marriage.


definitely a genuine poster.


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## familyfirst09

Is this a joke?? Serioulsy??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

Shhhhh everyone just calm down and stop dealin...


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## DavidWYoung

I think you should you get a divorce. Don't tell your husband the truth! That would be wrong! Just tell him that you have done this before and its no big deal! ... What, you think I am being sarcastic! WELL\, I HAVE NEVER!


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## Toffer

skb said:


> Now why would I want to go and admit ANYTHING? Of course the D is partially his fault. If he had taken care of things in the bedroom I would not have looked outside the marriage.


WOW!

Your cheating is all 100% you Baby!

While your husband may be responsible for some of the marriage issues, you are the one 100% responsible for YOUR actions and YOUR affairs!

No real surprise that you've already been down this road at least once before!

SHEESH!


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## thinking

I'll go on record and say that, yeah, maybe you should think about getting divorced. What is marriage doing for you?

To your original question: Sure, I think that contemplating divorce could be contagious in the same way any particular idea can be contagious once expressed. Why not? That does not mean that that is necessarily a good (or bad) thing.


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## the guy

Sorry to go off topic but at 26 and going on your second divorce...now thats some funny sh1t!!!LOL

Divorce is very contagious, especially in your case,


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## the guy

Maybe the best way to not get the divorce bug again is to stay way from marriage for the rest of your life.


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## Stella Moon

Sooo you go around cheating on your husband and 'that' didn't make you ever consider you needed a divorce until someone else told you about hers? What are you? Two? You have got to be thee most self-centered poster I have ever read on here. Omg. Are you for real? You are a narcissist. You definitely should get a divorce and never ever marry again. You don't take the vows seriously at all. Your not a grown aZZ woman. Your a mere child. A destructive one at that. You don't even deserve the uterus God gave you for the child you do have. Your disgusting. Your not just a cheater.. you mock the 'entire sacrament' of marriage. It's a game to you. Your husband should definitely find out the truth so he can get his weanie checked...there's a name for women like you I cannot type here...although my fingers are indeed twitching. 
I can tell you this...and in your self centered nature right now it won't matter but it will stick with you...this chosen life style of yours...will come back to haunt you. In some form or another you will end up with some kind of heart ache or pain or loss and endure what it is you have been and will be putting others through. You will reap what you sow. _Trust me in this chick._issed:


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## Waking up to life

skb said:


> >Well, who thinks divorce is contagious? Divorcing my husband had not even entered my mind until I had lunch with a close friend.<
> 
> Peer pressure involved in the divorce decision process, perhaps?


I am as dumbfounded as everyone else here. So...this idea of divorce just popped into your head 4 days ago after lunch with a friend? In less than 4 days time, you "thought about" divorce and pulled the trigger? Wow. Talk about treating men as disposable. I've been married 19 years and am struggling with the whether I should stay or leave my marriage. I've been struggling for months and probably will continue to struggle with this for months to come, whatever happens. I can't fathom making a decision like this in a few days time. 

Your behavior and attitude are pathological without a doubt. You probably have Bipolar disorder, definitely sounds like Narcissistic Personalilty Disorder. Yep, do your husband a favor and divorce him. Then do yourself and especially your daughter a favor and get yourself some mental healthcare. You might feel justified in doing what you want to do because you're "strong willed", but you're messing with your daughter's emotional stability in ways you will never know.


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## arbitrator

skb said:


> *Well, who thinks divorce is contagious?*


*Obviously, you do!*





skb said:


> *Divorcing my husband had not even entered my mind until I had lunch with a close friend.*



*Yeah! That's a certainty! Your subconscious had probably been entertaining it the entire time!*



skb said:


> She announced she was getting a D and gave me the details over lunch. I promise you on the way back to the office I suddenly began thinking I should probably go ahead and divorce my H. In all honesty I no longer love him and there have been OM. *I had lunch with her Wednesday and since that time all I’ve thought about was yes, I need to go ahead with a D.*


*And exactly what major contributions have you made in order to keep your marriage solvent?*




skb said:


> * I’ve been through it before so I know the drill. Have a D talk with my H and make an appointment with an attorney. That should get things started.*


*Just who on God's green earth are you trying to fool? This last statement has reeking premeditation written all over it! And despite your red herring in having professed that it's "contagious," it's richly evident by the fact that this ain't exactly your first time at the rodeo since you have already admitted to knowing the "routine!" *


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## EleGirl

skb said:


> Well Lon, I'm good at compartmentalizing what you consider my immoral arena. Yes I lie and cheat in that arena. It goes with the territory. Outside that arena I'm straight as an arrow, believe it or not. To my knowledge I've never had anyone cheat on me. So I can only guess what his feelings will be. He's attractive, he has a good career. He'll do well.


How long have you been married to your current husband?


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## CH

You married him for his $$ didn't you? You already knew he sucked in bed but the $$ was just too much to dump him and get someone new.

We got a word for what kind of person that is. But hey, he married you so that's really his problem. Sometimes the gold diggers are really great actors/actresses.

So, you'll get half his crap most likely along with a good alimony payment. Guess he's paying for a super high priced wife or ex-wife.


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## damcel

Why exactly are we giving this person the time of day???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

CH said:


> You married him for his $$ didn't you? You already knew he sucked in bed but the $$ was just too much to dump him and get someone new.
> 
> We got a word for what kind of person that is. But hey, he married you so that's really his problem. Sometimes the gold diggers are really great actors/actresses.
> 
> So, you'll get half his crap most likely along with a good alimony payment. Guess he's paying for a super high priced wife or ex-wife.


She has a 4 year old child from a previous marriage. So she's not been married to this guy for long. She has a job. So no she will not get half of his stuff. Nor will she get alimony.


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## arbitrator

EleGirl said:


> She has a 4 year old child from a previous marriage. So she's not been married to this guy for long. She has a job. So no she will not get half of his stuff. Nor will she get alimony.


No! I'm really afraid that all she'll likely get is some new young stud who doesn't quite need viagra yet and hopefully might transmit an STD to her~ but the realistic probability of that occurring would be more prevalent with her giving one to him! Either that, or she will just end up repeating the cycle and finding herself another Daddy Warbucks who'll naively supplant her financial needs, but will not meet her expectations in the sack.

I'm not one to really wish ill-will upon anyone, but God has been known to do things like that to people richly as a matter of "tough love!"

Just saying!


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## arbitrator

damcel said:


> Why exactly are we giving this person the time of day???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Are you all starting to smell the presence of a "troll" also?*


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## Leading Man

I know I am displaying my ignorance here, but can someone define troll as used in this context. Thanks.


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## arbitrator

In my definition, a troll is someone who starts or enters a provocative online conversation with the sole intent of irritating a lot of people, who have been duly victimized by the actions that the troll so richly purports!


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## familyfirst09

That seems to be the case since she has not responded in quite a while. Maybe she was drunk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered

skb said:


> I don't plan to lose any respect


too late


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## WanderingLost

I think you should consider being honest with him and yourself. It seems like you are trying to fill some void in your life with men instead of filling it yourself. Do some soul searching find things that make you happy other than cheating.


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## bfree

So you are a two time loser at 26 and you wonder why your husband doesn't want to have sex with you? I'd imagine most people who really know you wouldn't want to have sex with you. I don't know you and frankly don't like you much less want to bed you.


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## skb

I work. I'm not on the internet during the day. I felt this forum was likely 50/50 BS and WS. From the flames I received I was obviously wrong. Believe me, you won't have to suffer through the details of my life again. BTW, I just asked one simple question to start and the interrogation began.


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## EleGirl

skb said:


> I work. I'm not on the internet during the day. I felt this forum was likely 50/50 BS and WS. From the flames I received I was obviously wrong. Believe me, you won't have to suffer through the details of my life again. BTW, I just asked one simple question to start and the interrogation began.


It's not really an interogation. 

The forum format leads to conversation. Generally people ask questions to get more clarity.. that's part of a conversation.

If you feel good about what you are doing why would people asking questions bother you?


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## familyfirst09

And I don't think its the question you asked, its the way you asked it with laughter and a non challant attitude like this is nothing for you. Most people who are contemplating divorce struggle and are really torn up about it. You seem to have already made your decision and are looking for people to support it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skb

EleGirl said:


> It's not really an interogation.
> 
> The forum format leads to conversation. Generally people ask questions to get more clarity.. that's part of a conversation.
> 
> If you feel good about what you are doing why would people asking questions bother you?


 One Post! Sounds like an interrogation to me!
I start answering the questions and get accused of purposely inciting the BSs on here. Now that is annoying. 

>Are you really looking for advice or for someone to tell you its ok? Do you have children? Does your husband know you've cheated? Did you talk to him about your needs in the bedroom? Do you think you're life will be better? Do you think about all the friends and money you will lose? All the respect you will lose when people find out what you did? Do you think about how HE is feeling and what this will do to his life? Do you think how YOU will feel when your husband finds a new woman to "replace" you? Are you thinking at all?<


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## the guy

Rough crowd here at TAM!

I suggest you start a poll and ask your guestion...and leave out the part about having a OM. 

Anyway I do think poeple think infidelity and divorce are contagious. I have witnessed poeple tell me "sorry" and how about the weather today...... Its like they are afraid I will get "it' on them so they change the subject. 

I think most folks don't want to address and infact deny the possiblity that this sh1t could happen to them.

Granted one can get sympathy/empathy (IDK witch) from someone that went thru it, but for one that still has a desent marriage they doen't want to get any of this divorce crap on them.

SO be it a unhealthy marriage like the one you have or a healthy marriage, say like Dr. Phil's( LOL) this, either way, poeple think its contagious and either stay away or inbrace it like you did.

Were as my good friend that is still married didn't want to talk about my unhealthy marriage cuz maybe he feels it was contagious.

Its wiered, folks with good marriages don't want any on them, but folks with unhealthy marriages promote divorce.


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## familyfirst09

Those questions you should be asking YOURSELF
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

I'm afraid to ask anymore questions.....LOL


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## the guy

Its so much easier to judge you then address your question. But since I posted about your question, I'm dying to know about your adultory.....

Come on, answer some of these questions maybe we can save your marriage???? would you entertain the idea? ops another question...my bad! LOL


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## skb

the guy said:


> Its so much easier to judge you then address your question. But since I posted about your question, I'm dying to know about your adultory.....
> 
> Come on, answer some of these questions maybe we can save your marriage???? would you entertain the idea? ops another question...my bad! LOL


Sounds like a bait to me. Like I said earlier, I won't be getting the BSs here hot and bothered again. As far as saving my marriage, not doable. Sorry I'm not teary-eyed but it's something I want and need. Someone said I had already pulled the trigger. I have an appointment with an attorney later this week but I have yet to have the D talk.


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## familyfirst09

Why did you even come here then? I WISH I would have known about this site 2 years ago, its almost better than a crystal ball.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skb

familyfirst09 said:


> Why did you even come here then? I WISH I would have known about this site 2 years ago, its almost better than a crystal ball.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Please look at the name of this thread. I had a legitimate question which several here have done quite well answering.


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## bfree

You sound like my ex wife. You really don't want to know what her life turned out to be. Even she was smart enough to not bring children into her sordid existence. Carry on.


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## familyfirst09

Maybe you should enlighten her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree

I would but I'm probably wasting my time. Just like I wasted my time with my ex. Short version, after cheating on me, going through many men and cheating on them, she is now a broken down excuse for a woman. She is now an aged cougar picking up those men left at the bar that can still stagger to a cab. She is still bitter and looks like hell. Funny thing. When we were divorcing one of her friends told her that is exactly where she would end up. She of course didn't believe them. I'm sure the OP won't believe she will end up in that place either. But she will. Because you can only push the envelope so much before it pushes back. Eventually beauty fades but even when youthful beauty loses its luster, good women will still have class, integrity and elegance. Unfortunately skb is not mature enough or intelligent enough to grasp what I am saying. She is a 26 year old two time divorce and adulterous. Can she turn it around? I doubt it but I wish her well all the same.


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## EleGirl

skb said:


> Please look at the name of this thread. I had a legitimate question which several here have done quite well answering.


This is how internet forums work. People say, ask whatever they hey they want to. It's all open discussion.

If you did not want your marriage and your adultry to be discussed/questioned then it would have been better to just ask your question and not bring up personal details.


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## whitehawk

lt's contagious among gullible, shallow and weak people that put themselves above children and partners. you'll ruin at least 3 lives and 1 for a second time from what i can tell. and that'd make you on your 3rd marriage next time to so i wouldn't give you much of a future long term either with your attitude .

did you make him happy in the br , what are your shortcomings with 2 uninterested husbands ? weight , looks , shallowness , materialistic , all you do is talk crap day in day out , your actually about as romantic as a house brick yourself , you disregard everything he actually likes and dislikes , boring , expect partners to do everything , selfishness. it's a long list that kills this stuff , goes on , and on , and on .

casuals one thing but keeping it's another. takes two to make a marriage and a sex life, never know - could be you that's pretty fg hopeless at both.


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## RAN

*Well, who thinks divorce is contagious?*

CHEATING in M is EVEN MORE CONTAGIOUS


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## skb

bfree said:


> I would but I'm probably wasting my time. Just like I wasted my time with my ex. Short version, after cheating on me, going through many men and cheating on them, she is now a broken down excuse for a woman. She is now an aged cougar picking up those men left at the bar that can still stagger to a cab. She is still bitter and looks like hell. Funny thing. When we were divorcing one of her friends told her that is exactly where she would end up. She of course didn't believe them. I'm sure the OP won't believe she will end up in that place either. But she will. Because you can only push the envelope so much before it pushes back. Eventually beauty fades but even when youthful beauty loses its luster, good women will still have class, integrity and elegance. Unfortunately skb is not mature enough or intelligent enough to grasp what I am saying. She is a 26 year old two time divorce and adulterous. Can she turn it around? I doubt it but I wish her well all the same.


"Nature lends it's beauty to a select few, and then it's but for a short duration." Read that somewhere and firmly believe it to be a truism. Too bad I'm not mature or intelligent enough to get it. But then you made your judgement and hung those two lablels on me w/o knowing squat about me. So intelligent women, and mature women do not have affairs, right?


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## skb

RAN said:


> *Well, who thinks divorce is contagious?*
> 
> CHEATING in M is EVEN MORE CONTAGIOUS


I totally agree with you RAN. I can't say anything about the men out there but I can tell you in my circle of close women friends all have cheated but one. And she's on the fence right now.


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## arbitrator

skb said:


> *So intelligent women, and mature **women do not have affairs, right?*


Wasn't even vaguely aware that being either "intelligent" or "mature" was a needed prerequisite for joining the "Affair Club." 

Guess that I just need to convey that newfound info over to my STBXW, as she firmly believes that being "wealthy" and "religious" also entitles her to meet that very same conclusion!


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## RAN

skb said:


> I totally agree with you RAN. I can't say anything about the men out there but I can tell you in my circle of close women friends all have cheated but one. *And she's on the fence right now*.


Men or Women, Cheating is Cheating & it is Contagious. They can get Divorced & do what ever they want, but being in a M & Cheating is not acceptable as I said men or women.

The words which are in Bold, Is she is on the fence for a Divorce or for more cheating behind the back ?


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## skb

Arbitrator, 
Not a prerequisite. I was attempting to point out that lableing someone as not intelligent or mature because they're in an affair is not valid. Adultery crosses all bounderies. Intelligent and mature women do have affairs as well.


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## familyfirst09

Are you currently in an affair or cheating with someone right now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skb

RAN said:


> Men or Women, Cheating is Cheating & it is Contagious. They can get Divorced & do what ever they want, but being in a M & Cheating is not acceptable as I said men or women.
> 
> The words which are in Bold, Is she is on the fence for a Divorce or for more cheating behind the back ?


She's been faithful during her entire marriage.(two yrs) Now she's texting a guy she met more and more. I would guess the texting is turning to Sexting. And she's close to letting it turn physical.


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## RAN

skb said:


> Arbitrator,
> Not a prerequisite. I was attempting to point out that lableing someone as not intelligent or mature because they're in an affair is not valid. Adultery crosses all bounderies. Intelligent and mature women do have affairs as well.


Well if Adultery crosses all boundaries I have no words to say 

Also as you said about Intelligence & maturity of affairs, unbelievable !! 

Just think of the Trauma of the Children of these Intelligent & matured parents of affairs after Divorce go through. Well the people have to live that live to go through it.

Unless they would not commit such sins.


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## RAN

skb said:


> She's been faithful during her entire marriage.(two yrs) Now she's texting a guy she met more and more. I would guess the texting is turning to Sexting. And she's close to letting it turn physical.


Agreed she has been faithful, Wonderful etc etc, fantastic, my suggestion he or she can get a Divorce & do all the Texting, Sexting, flirt have a EA & even more a PA.

Please do not justify affairs & set this as an example to others, my humble request.

All the best.


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## bfree

skb said:


> Arbitrator,
> Not a prerequisite. I was attempting to point out that lableing someone as not intelligent or mature because they're in an affair is not valid. Adultery crosses all bounderies. Intelligent and mature women do have affairs as well.


I was not insinuating that your affair was due to any lack of intelligence or maturity. I was stating that you lack intelligence and maturity and it is causing you to continually screw up your own life. I also painted a picture of where your future lies but concluded that your lack of intelligence and maturity would not allow you to see this eventuality.

So your entire group of friends has cheated except for one who is already now in an emotional affair and will probably escalate it to a physical affair very soon. Well, I would say that the entire breadth and width of your behavioral patterns are reinforced by your choice of friends. You are toxic. Your friends are toxic. And until you mature and get some sense you will always cycle through men and relationships.

Its funny. I read many blogs on the internet having to do with relationships and how men and women interact. A couple of them describe women who allow their hypergamic impulses to rule their lives. How these women will ride the c0ck carousel for years until they hit their early 30's. They discover that their promiscuous behavior has resulted in them not being capable of emotionally connecting with a man and having a truly fulfilling relationship. Then then panic when they realize that no self respecting man wants them anymore. I always thought these blog writers were crazy. I thought these women they describe were fantasies or nightmares much like the dodo bird or the boogie man. I see that they were correct after all. You and your friends seem to fit their descriptions to a tee. And I guess you will follow the path they have already predicted for you.

But I suppose you and your friends are providing a service after a fashion. Pick up artists need to have some naive women in the world or they wouldn't have anyone to pump and dump. And drunks in a bar certainly deserve to get laid too. As I said before carry on.


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## skb

bfree said:


> I also painted a picture of where your future lies but concluded that your lack of intelligence and maturity would not allow you to see this eventuality.
> 
> *You are Mr Doom and Gloom. You should consider changing your screen name to Mr Doom and Gloom. You did make several good points I have to admit. You don't know me. I have a number of things going on for me other than just looks. Did you see my quote? "Nature lends its beauty to a select few. And then it's but for a short duration." Hey I believe that trust me. But I will avoid your doomsday scenario.*
> 
> So your entire group of friends has cheated except for one who is already now in an emotional affair and will probably escalate it to a physical affair very soon.
> 
> *I'll have to tell my friend. She'll be happy to know you think she's about to give in to her guy.*
> 
> Well, I would say that the entire breadth and width of your behavioral patterns are reinforced by your choice of friends.
> 
> *Good point MR D&G. Yes, birds of a feather do flock together don't they? *
> 
> ride the c0ck carousel for years until they hit their early 30's.
> 
> *OK Mr D&G, if you say so.*
> 
> Pick up artists need to have some *naive* women in the world
> 
> *"Naive?" One of my friends is a chemical engineer. Naive? I think not, she's a bonafide genius!*
> 
> And drunks in a bar certainly deserve to get laid too. As I said before carry on.
> 
> *Pretty caustic remark Mr D&G!*


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## bfree

_You are Mr Doom and Gloom. You should consider changing your screen name to Mr Doom and Gloom. You did make several good points I have to admit. You don't know me. I have a number of things going on for me other than just looks._

*Attitude is certainly not one of them.*

_Did you see my quote? "Nature lends its beauty to a select few. And then it's but for a short duration."_

*I saw your quote. Did you understand your quote? What will happen when the day comes that you no longer have looks to attract a man and your lifestyle has worn you down?*

_Hey I believe that trust me. But I will avoid your doomsday scenario._

*You can deny the scenario but it will come nonetheless if you continue down this path.*

_I'll have to tell my friend. She'll be happy to know you think she's about to give in to her guy._

*She's already in an emotional affair. How far do you think it is until she takes it further. You couldn't help yourself. So you are saying she is a more moral person than you?*

_Good point MR D&G. Yes, birds of a feather do flock together don't they?_ 

*And I believe this answers your original question does it not?*

_OK Mr D&G, if you say so._

*I don't have to say so. You and your toxic friends are saying so with every action you take.*

_"Naive?" One of my friends is a chemical engineer. Naive? I think not, she's a bonafide genius!_

*Since when are intelligence and naiveté related? She may be intelligent when it comes to her job. She is obviously not very smart when it comes to love and relationships.*

_Pretty caustic remark Mr D&G!_

*The truth is often very painful. But ignorance is not bliss either.*


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## arbitrator

As one of my law profs often quipped in class: "People: the world is just crammed full of "over-educated idiots!"


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## RAN

*"Naive?" One of my friends is a chemical engineer. Naive? I think not, she's a bonafide genius!*

No Offence ment, your friend a Chemical engineer & a bonafide genius, did she or he treat you chemically to be so hot, that you have forgotten your M Vows.


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## skb

RAN said:


> *"Naive?" One of my friends is a chemical engineer. Naive? I think not, she's a bonafide genius!*
> 
> No Offence ment, your friend a Chemical engineer & a bonafide genius, did she or he treat you chemically to be so hot, that you have forgotten your M Vows.


No chemical treatments. When I took my marriage vows I intended to keep them. However, situations change, people change, and relationships change.


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## bfree

skb said:


> No chemical treatments. When I took my marriage vows I intended to keep them. However, situations change, people change, and relationships change.


You are 26 years old. You already have a child. This is your second marriage. You could not have been married for long in this 2nd marriage. How much could anyone have really changed? Let me take a wild guess. You've been married for about 4 years right?

Infidelity, Cheating Wives - Women's Infidelity

When you drop the divorce bomb on your husband and he finds out you've been cheating on him, please have the empathy to send him here so we can help him deal with the aftermath of your betrayal.


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## skb

bfree said:


> You are 26 years old. You already have a child. This is your second marriage. You could not have been married for long in this 2nd marriage. How much could anyone have really changed? Let me take a wild guess. You've been married for about 4 years right?
> 
> Infidelity, Cheating Wives - Women's Infidelity
> 
> When you drop the divorce bomb on your husband and he finds out you've been cheating on him, please have the empathy to send him here so we can help him deal with the aftermath of your betrayal.


Married a total of 4 yrs. Married to my EX 3yrs. Married almost a year to my STBX. I doubt he'll find out I've been cheating. If he does I'll forward him to you guys.


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## MrK

Sorry to bring a zombie thread back to life, but I'd love to hear how the story ended.


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## BlueCalcite

Ugh. I actually was worried there for a minute that this was my stbxw and that she found TAM six months before me to announce that she was about to walk out. The revelation of the child eased my mind, but with what I know about my stbxw now, I imagine this is exactly how she would talk if she was being honest and anonymous.

The world is full of sad, sad people.


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## skb

Blue C,

I'm curious. In what way does your STBXW and I sound similar. BTW, why did you two decide to end your marriage?
SKB


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## skb

MrK said:


> Sorry to bring a zombie thread back to life, but I'd love to hear how the story ended.


Happily divorced of course. Second EX has been dating since the breakup. Same for me. One of my relationships is just to the point of maybe getting serious.


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## manfromlamancha

I have just caught up with this thread.

I guess a lot of the posters were wondering why you had asked the question given your situation (which had to be further developed in order to understand it). Nobody would answer that question out of context.

Were you originally asking because your marriage was on the rocks and you were worried about hanging out with a pro-divorce crowd (you had not thought of divorce until talking to them) ?

Or were you confused because you hadn't thought of it originally and it suddenly popped into your head (and maybe it wasn't an original thought and maybe not valid) ?

Or was it just morbid (yes, morbid given the forum you are on) curiosity ?

And now, 2 divorces later at a fairly young age, have you really learned anything from this ? I guess if you read the CWI section here, you will understand that there are certain behaviours that should generally be avoided for your well being as well as those of others (no matter what your background, intelligence level, experience, age, education etc is) - one of these is the fact that you should avoid having affairs while being married. The fact that you were married, had other men, and possibly thinking of divorce as a way forward came across as callous and wrong (again, no matter what was happening in your marriage).

You are happily divorced (a very curious phrase which implies that this is something that you could get quite used to). A normal response would have been "unfortunately we had to get divorced but both of us are trying to recover now".

Finally, what's in store for potential hubby no. 3 ? Entering into a relationship while still being part of a divorce-infectious group of friends does not bode well for him - or have you got wise and understood that it does not matter if it is infectious or not, you need to change your behaviours and thinking if you want any chance at a proper relationship.

Good luck going forward!


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## skb

manfromlamancha said:


> Were you originally asking because your marriage was on the rocks and you were worried about hanging out with a pro-divorce crowd (you had not thought of divorce until talking to them) ?
> 
> *"No, not at all. One of my GFs gave me the details of her divorce over lunch and before I got back to the office I realized a divorce was exactly what I needed. Getting a divorce had not really come to the forefront for me. Lunch with the GF and suddenly I decide on a divorce too. Hence, is it contagious? I take it your referring to my GFs as the pro divorce group. You would certainly have to add me to the group.*
> 
> And now, 2 divorces later at a fairly young age, have you really learned anything from this ?
> 
> *Yes, I mistakenly thought this forum was 50/50 BS and WS. It's in fact almost entirely BS. Most here lost sight of my valid question and flamed me.*
> 
> one of these is the fact that you should avoid having affairs while being married. The fact that you were married, had other men, and possibly thinking of divorce as a way forward came across as callous and wrong (again, no matter what was happening in your marriage).
> 
> *Ever had an affair? Of course you shouldn't have an affair while married. Believe me when I tell you avoiding an affair was not always possible for me. You have a lot of emotions coming into play. I think the general consensus here was I was a terrible person because I wasn't upset about my divorce.*
> 
> You are happily divorced (a very curious phrase which implies that this is something that you could get quite used to). A normal response would have been "unfortunately we had to get divorced but both of us are trying to recover now".
> 
> *Does it make you happy to get something you want and need? It certainly does me. I was tired of sneaking and never being able to get out of the house enough.*
> 
> Finally, what's in store for potential hubby no. 3 ? Entering into a relationship while still being part of a divorce-infectious group of friends does not bode well for him
> 
> *I'm afraid the divorce infectious group is my GFs. They're a permanent part of my life.*!


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## Trickster

SKB

I can understand why you ask your question in the OP.

Several of the parents of my daughters friends are Divorced. Most of our neighbors are divorced women. I have several friends who are Divorced. I think Divorce is horrible. 

Because I see what they go through, I see nothing glamorous about it. I've been thinking about divorce and working hard on fixing our issues for over 3 years now. I've been on TAM for a while now. My wife and I have so many issues to deal with that I am not sure if we will actually make it. I feel like I failed at marriage. 

I know some people seem to want to wear the divorce badge of honer. 

I do believe we take thew advise from people that resonates with us...Birds of a feather ...whether its here on TAM or our friends.


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## BWBill

_When I took my marriage vows I intended to keep them. However, situations change, people change, and relationships change. 
_

When you took your wedding vows did you speak the caveats out loud, or just in your head?


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## skb

BWBill said:


> _When I took my marriage vows I intended to keep them. However, situations change, people change, and relationships change.
> _
> 
> When you took your wedding vows did you speak the caveats out loud, or just in your head?


Yes I spoke out loud. Does it make a difference?


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