# Does it bother you that your wife masturbates?



## Ano

We have all these threads of us wives being hurt/upset that our husbands masturbate frequently to porn. But what if we did it too? Would it bother you hubbys?.....even though you're doing it as well?


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## dormant

I'd have no problem with it. At least that would tell me that she thinks about sex sometimes!


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## Ano

dormant, what if it affected your sex life and her desire for you? As if she had already taken care of business and would rather just go to sleep at night.


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## hldnhope

I have an issue with it because we have not had sex in 5+ months AND she no longer even touches me; BUT she admitted to me that she does this 'as a stress reliever' in the shower from time-to-time.


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## Maricha75

Ano, I can safely say that there are some men who would say "oh yea! I have no problem with it!"...simply because they want their wives to be ok with their porn/masturbation activities. NOT ALL but SOME would not be ok if it actually came to fruition. Why? Because it takes away from them. Because it means the wife is not having sex with them, for whatever reason. I know, there are some who will argue that it's perfectly fine for either spouse to do this. Generally, I would agree. If both are ok with it, fine, do what you want. However, as with ANY activity...if it takes from the marriage, from the marriage bed, from the relationship at all...if anything done drives a wedge between the couple, then it needs to stop or they move on.... this is IF they can't come to an agreeable compromise for BOTH parties.

I feel fortunate that mine doesn't fall into this category.


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## Maricha75

hldnhope said:


> I have an issue with it because we have not had sex in 5+ months AND she no longer even touches me; BUT she admitted to me that she does this 'as a stress reliever' in the shower from time-to-time.


Then that is a BIG problem. In that situation, she should NOT be relieving stress in the shower but having sex with you. That's messed up. I mean, even if it was once a month but she didn't masturbate... I'm sure you would feel a LITTLE better. Seriously, why is someone married if they have no intention of having sex with their partner? *smh*


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## CandieGirl

Peuh. I could do it till the cows come home; it is no replacement for actual sex. Never has been. In fact, it usually frustrates me even more!


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## dormant

Ano said:


> dormant, what if it affected your sex life and her desire for you? As if she had already taken care of business and would rather just go to sleep at night.


Right now we don't have one. That's my point.


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## tacoma

It only bothers me when she doesn't set up her iPad to Face Time me when she does it.



I think it's ridiculous to be upset about your partners "normal" masturbation habits.

I think it's beyond controlling to ask them to stop
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75

tacoma said:


> It only bothers me when she doesn't set up her iPad to Face Time me when she does it.
> 
> 
> 
> *I think it's ridiculous to be upset about your partners "normal" masturbation habits.
> *
> I think it's beyond controlling to ask them to stop
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not to mince words but, what is "normal"? LOL
I do agree that you shouldn't TELL your partner "you can't do that!"... However, I do think that if it affects the sex life: i.e. no sex or drastically decreased, it isn't "normal"


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## Drover

hldnhope said:


> I have an issue with it because we have not had sex in 5+ months AND she no longer even touches me; BUT she admitted to me that she does this 'as a stress reliever' in the shower from time-to-time.


DING! We had a fight the other night because she's not having sex with me, but I'm having to listen to her comments about men on TV shows she finds sexy. And she watches the damn shows just for the men. 

I told her how it made me feel. She got pissed because I asked her not to watch them while we're working through our sexual issues and not having, and I got pissed because she still insisted on watching the shows. I kinda blew up and over-reacted honestly. That's on me. But it bothers me that she had so little regard for my feelings that a TV show is more important to her.


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## tacoma

Maricha75 said:


> Not to mince words but, what is "normal"? LOL
> I do agree that you shouldn't TELL your partner "you can't do that!"... However, I do think that if it affects the sex life: i.e. no sex or drastically decreased, it isn't "normal"


Your definition of "normal" is mine as well.

If it has no averse effect on you or your relationship have at it


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75

Drover said:


> DING! We had a fight the other night because she's not having sex with me, but I'm having to listen to her comments about men on TV shows she finds sexy. And she watches the damn shows just for the men.
> 
> I told her how it made me feel. She got pissed because I asked her not to watch them while we're working through our sexual issues and not having, and I got pissed because she still insisted on watching the shows. I kinda blew up and over-reacted honestly. That's on me. But it bothers me that she had so little regard for my feelings that a TV show is more important to her.


WTF????????? She's unreal! No, she shouldn't be expecting you to listen to who she finds sexy.... unless you are telling her the same thing about women?


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## Drover

Maricha75 said:


> WTF????????? She's unreal! No, she shouldn't be expecting you to listen to who she finds sexy.... unless you are telling her the same thing about women?


Normally it wouldn't bother me. I mean big deal, it's some TV star, and I'm not really that insecure EXCEPT she's doing it when she has no interest in me.


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## Zippy the chimp

I see nothing wrong with it of course I know if my wife does it she will be tapping me on the shoulder to say lets go I need some not too long after. But you are right she would just come to me to relieve the stress unless I am working and am not around. I know for a guy masturbation can take away from regular sex but for a woman? A guy has to reload so he might not be ready or able to preform, a woman doesn't have that problem other than being tired so I don't know.


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## JoeRockStar

Dear God NO, I'd encourage it!


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## rankinsmedic

We just had this talk yesterday! We haven't had sex for over a month, but then I found porn on my internet history. I knew it wasn't mine. But she said that yes she had gotten herself off. This actually turned me on thinking about her doing that, but then pissed me off when I think that she didn't use any of that sexual energy with me. She always said our sex was amazing. So you can imagine my frustration.


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## Maricha75

Zippy the chimp said:


> I see nothing wrong with it of course I know if my wife does it she will be tapping me on the shoulder to say lets go I need some not too long after. But you are right she would just come to me to relieve the stress unless I am working and am not around. *I know for a guy masturbation can take away from regular sex but for a woman? A guy has to reload so he might not be ready or able to preform, a woman doesn't have that problem other than being tired so I don't know.*


Without going into great detail... yes, sometimes, it works the same for women. When disconnected from my husband, I would do it. If he knew, he never said a word. I think he did. But it DID keep me from being able to orgasm. And, I always told him I refused to fake it (I still hold to that). And masturbating DID tide me over for awhile....until I felt I "had to". Again, this was when we were emotionally disconnected from each other. Now? I don't do it. Even with sex only being once a week, I would prefer that I build up the tension and release WITH HIM, than risk him being in the mood and me not being able to orgasm. And yes, I am weird that way... for some weird reason, I can't have more than one on any given day. In my case, it's about priorities. I choose to wait for my husband to be in the mood.


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## SoWhat

If it started affecting our frequency, I'd ask her to tone down some.

But I can't imagine asking her to stop - that's her business.

And, I'm going to go out on a limb here, but women who masturbate probably have a higher drive than those who don't, or think it is gross, dirty, or wrong. 

My GF masturbates sometimes. I think it's a gift, as it is a sign that she's into sexual experience. 

Those who find masturbation or porn morally abhorrent are, in my experience, more opposed to sexual experiences as a whole. Not every person, of course, but I think the correlation is higher.


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## Santa

Not at all!! I encourage my wife to! Even bought her "The Pearl"!!

I love watching her, and would have no problem with her doing it alone or whatever anytime even without me and think it would be a good thing actually.


I think its normal and healthy actually and think both sexes need to ease up on the whole "OMG!! You masterbate!!" perspective.


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## Maricha75

SoWhat said:


> If it started affecting our frequency, I'd ask her to tone down some.
> 
> But I can't imagine asking her to stop - that's her business.
> 
> And, I'm going to go out on a limb here, but women who masturbate probably have a higher drive than those who don't, or think it is gross, dirty, or wrong.
> 
> My GF masturbates sometimes. I think it's a gift, as it is a sign that she's into sexual experience.
> 
> Those who find masturbation or porn morally abhorrent are, in my experience, more opposed to sexual experiences as a whole. *Not every person, of course, but I think the correlation is higher.*


Glad you put the qualification in there. 

I'd consider my drive to be high... not as high as some, but definitely not low. I could easily have sex every day. And, I am up for a lot of different sexual experiences...as long as it pertains to him and me and no one else.


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## Santa

Maricha75 said:


> Generally, I would agree. If both are ok with it, fine, do what you want. However, as with ANY activity...if it takes from the marriage, from the marriage bed, from the relationship at all...if anything done drives a wedge between the couple, then it needs to stop or they move on.... this is IF they can't come to an agreeable compromise for BOTH parties.




I agree 100%


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## SoWhat

Maricha75 said:


> Glad you put the qualification in there.
> 
> I'd consider my drive to be high... not as high as some, but definitely not low. I could easily have sex every day. And, I am up for a lot of different sexual experiences...as long as it pertains to him and me and no one else.


Every day! I think we'd all consider your drive pretty darn high here


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## Maricha75

SoWhat said:


> Every day! I think we'd all consider your drive pretty darn high here


Ahhh, but I said I easily COULD go everyday.... sadly, hubby isn't up for that right now. But once we get all his meds sorted out and ask the doc what we can do for him to help HIS drive...I'd be satisfied with 2-3 times a week, since we have young kids who like to climb into bed with mommy and daddy lol


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## sinnister

My wife's passion is so non existent I'd be surprised if she's done this more than 5 times...in her life.


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## GhostRydr

As long as it didnt affect our sex life, HECK NO!

I wanna watch her masturbate. I wanna watch her watch porn and masturbate...I wanna watch her watch porn, and masturbate with toys bigger and thicker than me!

I have ZERO emasculation, esteam issues with this.


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## MooseAndSquirrel

It doesn't bother me that she masturbates, it bothers me that she won't let me watch.


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## GTdad

MooseAndSquirrel said:


> It doesn't bother me that she masturbates, it bothers me that she won't let me watch.


I'm with Rocky on this. Assuming the sex life is okay, it's hard to see how a husband could get upset. I'd be interested in hearing that perspective.


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## sandc

Ano said:


> What,
> 
> We have all these threads of us wives being hurt/upset that our husbands masturbate frequently to porn. But what if we did it too? Would it bother you hubbys?.....even though you're doing it as well?


It would bother me if she did this as a replacement for sex with me, yes. If she did it to enhance our sex life, like doing it for me, then I would of course enjoy it. She gave herself an orgasm once on a long car trip at night to keep me awake. 

It worked.


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## Little Bird

I don't think it bothers my H because he likes to watch me...


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## SimplyAmorous

Ano said:


> We have all these threads of us wives being hurt/upset that our husbands masturbate frequently to porn. But what if we did it too? Would it bother you hubbys?.....even though you're doing it as well?


It wouldn't bother my husband so long as I wasn't neglecting his needs but in the past... I was ....and I was secretly masterbating too. 

Our story was the total reverse of the norm... I learned 3 yrs ago ....He never masterbated while married (but 1 time in hopes of depleting his sperm count to conceive a girl later that night -which we did ironically)... he felt it was "cheating" (his words not mine)... then I had to tell him I was a "cheater" then.... as I was off masterbating in the middle of the night sometimes -cause I felt he wouldn't want woke up...(half the time I woke him up, half the time I didn't)...it was my little dirty secret I guess. He is the type who needs his sleep. 

He told me waking him up for that would be like waking him up to tell me the house was on fire, ha ha .... loved that comment. His point, I should have bothered him every single time. 

Meanwhile he was silently suffering wanting more from me....and I never really KNEW the depths of that ....so He was Shocked I DID... and I was shocked he DIDN'T. 

We missed each other pathetically.  Lesson here.. talk openly about SEX! I felt everything was taboo, huge mistake. 

SO now, we both prefer we wait for each other, the waiting is just a day, maybe 2 ......For both of us, there is no comparison on this green earth....We both thrive on the romantic connection. 

At least we are on the same page in this.  

Once night when my drive was raging, we just had sex, I put in some porn, he was asleep beside me, I got aroused again, had some fun with that, I told him the next morning... he just laughed- it didn't bother him....he just told me he wished he could have given it to me again...but some things are just asking a little much at his age.


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## bubbly girl

My husband gets turned on by it. I'm sure if I was denying him sex, he wouldn't be as thrilled about it, but that's not the case. The more sex he wants, the less need I have to take care of myself. He also loves if I put on a show for him.


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## anchorwatch

Lets just imagine that she does. Then imagine I know. Then I could imagine I wouldn't be bothered by it.


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## Ryan_sa

I agree if shes masturbating, and not having sex with me, I'd have a problem.However the way things are in our relationship (pretty good) I have absolutely no trouble, in fact I encourage it because maybe she'll be able to discover more about her sexuality, which would benefit me in the long run.


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## diwali123

My h is bothered by it. He is the LD and his drive has gone way down. I think it is a control issue. He says it makes him feel like he's letting me down. Well guess what, he's letting me down whether I do it or not. I'm still horny whether I do that or not.
We are in therapy with a sex therapist because of it. He says it's not because he's afraid I'm thinking about someone else, he's not jealous of toys, he just doesn't want to know I'm doing it. 
Hopefully therapy will help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tinbanger

I'm in the camp of "I have no problem with it, as long as she isn't neglecting my needs". A while back we even had a discussion about this, and I told her what a huge turn-on it was for me.

Unfortunately right now my needs are being neglected, and I have my suspicions that she's taking care of herself after we've gone to bed. Stealth masturbating, you might say. I've been trying to catch her in the act (so that she can't deny it), but nothing so far.


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## Goldmember357

my wife is hurt when i look at porn i dont look at porn anymore but it bothered her when i looked and masturbated to porn. If she where to look and masturbate to porn she would be a hypocrite and yes it would bother me. However if she masturbates without porn that does not bother me i dont look at porn anymore and i would be a little weird-ed out of she did the very same thing and was getting off to other men.

However i know she masturbates from time to time i have caught her masturbating before it was so hot. I dont think she does it as often as i do since she has told me she only does it when she goes without sex and i am not around.


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## donny64

Not at all does it bother me. But we have a great sex life, so why should it? In fact, she does it more now she says than at any time in her life because of the great sex we have.

The thought of it turns me on incredibly. And she often tells me when she does do it when I'm not there. And she feels free to do it with me there (though that doesn't happen a lot). If I get her going down that road though, and she knows I want to see it, she'll get to handling herself while I do the same.

I'm in the camp that believes masturbation for a female does not detract from sex with their man. My gawd, the W and I go at it pretty good 2 to 3 times a week. And she is VERY into it and often initiates. If she stops having sex with me, the problem is going to be more than her masturbating. If she has to hold out from doing that just to get horny enough to have sex with me, we have much deeper issues than her masturbating.


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## Stonewall

not at all. In fact II wish she did it ore often. I think its hot!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man

No it would not.
Sounds good to me!


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## Randy52

I have absolutely no problem with it. My wife and I openly masturbate in front of each other AND sometimes in private. Many times after beginning solo, it finishes as a "shared" activity.


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## deejov

So I will the only one to admit this?
Probably because the LD wives not wanting sex with their husbands aren't really posting here....

But there is nothing wrong with my drive. It's just not tuned to my stbxh. Hasn't been for a long time. 

He might think I have no sex drive. Or no passion. But it's there... when I get time to myself and he isn't around. 

And I can't imagine I'm the ONLY woman who feels this way.

Maybe for a woman.... IF there isn't an emotional connection in the relationship, sex might go off the table. A woman's sex drive usually declines when she isn't having regular sex, but it can turn to masturbation instead. 

It's not something we talk about at tea, either.


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## effess

In my situation it would bother me. But that is unique to me (very LD wife, HD husband/me - she has a big problem with porn).

If my wife had a more healthy active sex drive and it she didn't use the porn to replace me or compare me to the d-bags in those videos, I might not mind so much. Basically, if she used the porn as charcoal lighter and thats all. I probably wouldn't have a issue with it, however, I don't have the greatest self-esteem, so Im sure I would feel somewhat threatened.


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## Runs like Dog

I wish my wife would masturbate furiously, noisily.


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## donny64

Perfect example tonight of why it does not bother me. Haven't seen her for a couple days. She tells me tonight that she "couldn't wait", got horny, and "had to rub one out" today. Told her I wanted her to show me what she did. After a little teasing on the couch, she proceeded to do so for me. Then we went to bed and had incredible sex.

I could care less if she's doing it 3 times a day as long as it's not taking away from us. I know her, and the more she does it is usally a result of her being so turned on by our sex, and not out of frustration or lack of desire to have sex with me. So, for me, the "more the merrier" if she wants to masturbate. Her sex drive with me is very high, and I love it.


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## losing my mind

I wish she would. Maybe it would put her in the mood more often to do it with me. Currently I don't think anybody including herself could get between her legs with a crowbar.


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## WadeWilson

Not really, actually I liked a line said in a movie somewhere.... "If you don't want to have sex with yourself, why would a guy want to?"... Okay rough paraphrase...


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## lovelygirl

MooseAndSquirrel said:


> It doesn't bother me that she masturbates, it bothers me that she won't let me watch.


Isn't it too personal to watch? 

I mean, if someone's okay with being watched then I don't care.
But I'm not sure if I'd be okay with being watched.


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## Cosmos

Drover said:


> DING! We had a fight the other night because she's not having sex with me, but I'm having to listen to her comments about men on TV shows she finds sexy. And she watches the damn shows just for the men.
> 
> I told her how it made me feel. She got pissed because I asked her not to watch them while we're working through our sexual issues and not having, and I got pissed because she still insisted on watching the shows. I kinda blew up and over-reacted honestly. That's on me. But it bothers me that she had so little regard for my feelings that a TV show is more important to her.



No wonder you're unhappy with this. Her behaviour is disrespectful, uncaring and unhelpful. She needs to concentrate on the real thing, with you, not satisfy her fantasies the way she is doing.


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## Dad&Hubby

I'm 100% in the camp of "as long as it doesn't take away from me".

My wife and I have talked about it and I have no issue with her masturbating as long as I don't lose out. I have the higher drive between the two of us so I'm ready to go basically everyday. If we didn't have sex because she took care of business earlier in the day, I'd be mad. I don't masturbate. I've done it once in our marriage, at my wife's prompting, and it just felt....empty. It relieved a tiny bit of tension but I actually felt worse after. Like I just lost an opportunity to give her a bigger "explosion" (she likes to watch me "explode" because I'm a big shooter LOL)

We also have an agreement, if she does masturbate, she tells me about it and tells me what her fantasy was (maybe, if it's one I might get a little "derrr" about she can say, no to that) so even if there wasn't sex between us, I can still feel that connection with her.


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## frustrated hubby123

Caught my wife using toys and it upset me that she had to feel she had to hide it from me. She drops hints about squirting when she does it and that is something I would love to share with her but she said it's a private thing. We have been married for 14 years and 3 kids, so it's not like we haven't shared special moments together, so I feel a little cheated she can't share or feel comfortable to do it in front of me or add it to our sex life. I have no issue with her doing it as I am the one that bought the toys for her on the thought it would spice up our sex life and for us to both enjoy and not once has it ever come up in conversation. Maybe I'm being to harsh and she needs her time.


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## committed_guy

Ano said:


> We have all these threads of us wives being hurt/upset that our husbands masturbate frequently to porn. But what if we did it too? Would it bother you hubbys?.....even though you're doing it as well?


It would bother me if my wife did it because she refuses me. 

I believe that spouses should have right of first refusal and if they aren't up for it then take matters into your own hands is acceptable.

If we had an otherwise healthy and satisfying sex life then I would not have a problem with her doing it in between. A long, long time ago, she told me she did it once when I was at work and it turned me on like crazy. 

I see MB as a healthy thing, getting to know one's own body. So I see it as a good thing as long as it's not used selfishly and there is still refusal.


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## Constable Odo

I only get upset when she masturbates but doesn't call me on the phone to let me listen in.


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## chillymorn

deejov said:


> So I will the only one to admit this?
> Probably because the LD wives not wanting sex with their husbands aren't really posting here....
> 
> But there is nothing wrong with my drive. It's just not tuned to my stbxh. Hasn't been for a long time.
> 
> He might think I have no sex drive. Or no passion. But it's there... when I get time to myself and he isn't around.
> 
> And I can't imagine I'm the ONLY woman who feels this way.
> 
> Maybe for a woman.... IF there isn't an emotional connection in the relationship, sex might go off the table. A woman's sex drive usually declines when she isn't having regular sex, but it can turn to masturbation instead.
> 
> It's not something we talk about at tea, either.


Just curious if you tried to communicate this to your stbxh? or if the spark was gone and just didn't feel like trying.


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## CrazyFrog

My gf of 8 years is turning me down and saying she is not feeling like it then masterbates as soon as i am away for more than 15 minutes.. it really hurts because i really want to be with her and only her.

She says she is not interested in sex but reads erotic and BSM stories while masterbating.

I caught her and challenged her about it and she says its none of my business if she masterbates. Masterbating an having sex are two different and unrelated things. I don't agree or understand.

Help, because its killing me.


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## EleGirl

CrazyFrog said:


> My gf of 8 years is turning me down and saying she is not feeling like it then masterbates as soon as i am away for more than 15 minutes.. it really hurts because i really want to be with her and only her.
> 
> She says she is not interested in sex but reads erotic and BSM stories while masterbating.
> 
> I caught her and challenged her about it and she says its none of my business if she masterbates. Masterbating an having sex are two different and unrelated things. I don't agree or understand.
> 
> Help, because its killing me.


If you want input, you need to start your own thread. Just copy your above post into the new thread.


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