# Mother-in-law lied about me...what to do?



## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I'll try to make this as short as possible. In my first marriage, my in-laws were a total nightmare! They were a bunch of greedy, using, backstabbers. When that marriage ended, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.



When I met my now husbands family, I thought they were all so wonderful. We all got along so great, and my mother-in-law and I hit it off tremendously! 



My father-in-law passed away about a year later, and mom-in-law was having a really hard time dealing with it. She moved to my state and was staying with my husband and I for a while. My husband had warned me about how manipulative she is, but she and I got along so great that I didn't see a problem.



I know that she was looking to fill that void in her life. The problem was that she expected my husband and I to do it. She also had a problem not being the woman of the house. She was drinking ALOT. Eight months later, she moved back to her original state.



We talked on the phone all the time. She would call and vent and use me as a sounding board and for support. We still got along great. We had a trip planned for going to visit the family about a year after she moved back there. A few weeks before we were scheduled to visit, she quit calling me. I just figured she was busy with her work schedule and new boyfriend.



Well, when we got there, we started hearing all these stories she was telling about me. The one that really stands out is that she was saying that I went on a 4 day binder and she had to take care of my kids. There is not an essence of truth to that!!!!! I was so mad and betrayed by that. My husband was also furious that she would make up stuff like that about me. She was still drinking alot, drunk every day by 11am on her days off. 



My husband told me that he would deal with her and for me to just not answer her phone calls. Well that wasn't hard because she doesn't call me anymore. 



Well, it's been 5 months and nothing has been done. She tried calling me once, but I didn't answer. She called my hubby telling him she needed $500. So, I had to go to my boss and borrow the money (grrrrrrrrrr). She did call my hubby a week or so after she got the money to thank him. I have heard nothing.



I guess I'm sitting here waiting for an apology or explanation for why she told those lies about me. The problem is that she doesn't know that we know about them. At this point there is no way to work this situation out. I am getting bitter about it. Do I call her and address this? If I do, then my husbands siblings will bear the brunt for telling us what she had said. I just want this resolved and to move on. How the heck do I do that? Any advice?


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## WarmFront (Nov 10, 2009)

scarletblue said:


> Well, when we got there, we started hearing all these stories she was telling about me. The one that really stands out is that she was saying that I went on a 4 day binder and she had to take care of my kids. There is not an essence of truth to that!!!!! I was so mad and betrayed by that. My husband was also furious that she would make up stuff like that about me. She was still drinking alot, drunk every day by 11am on her days off.



Was she saying these things to people that you know or was she talking to her friends? 

The reason I ask as she may just be trying to make herself feel better by making you look bad. Sometimes when a person goes through a traumatic event (losing her husband) they have a tendancy to fly off the handle and do things opposite their nature to cope. 

There is really no reason for her to bad talk you to other people, however it may be a situation where you just have to get over it and move on. If she is drinking heavily it could be a case where she was BS'ing just to have something to say and you became the brunt of negative gossip.

I would definately talk to her about it though. The fact that she doesn't know that you and your husband knew about it could actually make it easier to talk about the issue.

You could say that you heard this from 'unknown source' and that you wanted to clairify what was actually said. You could also ask her if she really feels this way about you and get your feelings about it out on the table. 

Either way, you might not get an apology from her if she doesn't want to give one. Just prepare for that when you confront her, although I really hope she does because it sounds unwarranted.

I hope this helps.

Good luck!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

What I would tell you to do is practice good boundries with her, something you should have done from day 1... I understand you really liked her but to hold back some in new relationships is always a good idea, until you have established your boundries.
its sad she has leaned so hard on you, but she feels safe she can lean. The only thing to do now is to talk to her about how much you would like to help but limited. 
You can't control if she will bad mouth you any more, and hopefully you haven't revealed too much about your personal life and marriage that she can inflict any real damage.

I was blessed with my in laws in first marriage, they were awesome. I dont know my in laws much in this marriage because we live so far from them, its not possible to know them well.
Which may be a blessing ! 

I agree with your husband on this:
My husband told me that he would deal with her and for me to just not answer her phone calls. Well that wasn't hard because she doesn't call me anymore.

Let him deal eith her... but stop talking to her and answering the phone.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

scarletblue said:


> She called my hubby telling him she needed $500. So, I had to go to my boss and borrow the money (grrrrrrrrrr). She did call my hubby a week or so after she got the money to thank him. I have heard nothing.


you _had_ to go to your boss...no, no, no, you _chose_ to go to your boss. that wasnt very smart. you loaned money to an alcoholic that trashes you behind your back. what did you really think was going to happen.

ive been in your shoes. not with my MIL, but with my sister. my sister said horrible things about me behind my back, and i knew about it, yet i still chose to help her. dumb. but i was more afraid of doing somethign 'mean' then standing up for how i felt. even when i knew what kind of person she was i still chose to help her because i didnt want to offend her. it was dumb. i learned my lesson. we dont talk anymore and i basically hate her. what i should have done was not helped her from the start. 

so learn your lesson. it wasnt smart to lone her money. you need to cut her out of your life. go to some al-anon meetings to help you deal with the guilt.


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