# young man hitting on wife a month ago



## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

My wife and I have had a great five months since we got back together. I used some advice from here and my own methods to restore my marriage. We have been open and no secrets. 

Then yesterday wife saw that I had fb searched some young man . She asked me why. I said he keeps popping up on tv friend suggestion. He is a th friend of hers n her cousins. 
She then told me he is a little punk who had hit on her on fb a month ago but she told him he was toooo young (20). That she had a husband and that he knew she had a husband and that that wasn't right. 

Would have appreciated though had she told me at the time(last month) but she says she handled it and I shouldn't be worried. 

She has changed for the better since last yr. She's home right after work. Always wants to spend free time with me. Has photos of us all over fb. And said she's learnt from her stupid mistakes from last yr when she had two flings. One with a younger male. 

Any pointers?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

shakazulu2420 said:


> Then yesterday wife saw that I had fb searched some young man . She asked me why.


a - she should have told you when it happened considering her history.

b - She asked you why when she already knew? :scratchhead:

c - (edit). Just reviewed a couple of your other posts. She should be 100% open with you on facebook. You've got problems.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Shaka,

I'm glad to hear that things have turned around. But as a woman, I am still concerned about how your wife handled that young guy. She told him that one of the reasons why she is turning him down is because of his age. All that is telling him is "come back in a few years", she is still leaving a window of hope for him. Then she happens to mention that she is married & that is wrong. She knows why you were searching that guy, playing the dumb role is an insult to your intelligence. It just sounds like her boundaries aren't 100% tight. People with loose boundaries aren't good candidates for social media accounts.

Hopefully, this will be the last time you ever have to deal with this.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm not the most computer savvy person around. If he keeps popping up as a friend suggestion, doesn't that mean he is already on a "friend" list of someone close to you? Like, maybe your wife accepted his friend request?


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

tell her from now on a guy hitting on her can't be a secret...full transparency. 

she had two flings, any secrecy on her part should be a huge red flag now.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

Click onto your wifes friends list from your own account and if he is there then he will be shown as in her list, perhaps you should have done so before asking her who he is as maybe she has removed him for now?


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Yes he is on her friends list. He has been .


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

She lost the privilege of handling things without telling you when she cheated. It doesn't matter how innocent she says it is. I think she's trying to get away with the minimum heavy lifting she can which usually means someone is sorry they were caught but not remorseful. It's possibly a misunderstanding on her part of what transparency means but I doubt it.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Two "flings" just last year and she's FB friends with some guy she says hit on her? Not the sort of action I'd expect from someone who was going out of their way to turn over a new leaf. 

"She then told me he is a little punk who had hit on her on fb a month ago but she told him he was toooo young (20). That she had a husband and that he knew she had a husband and that that wasn't right."

If this pretty accurately depicts her words, notice that the order of her objections. 1. - you're too young. 2. I'm married. People usually lead with what is most important. The most obvious clue, however, is that she is still FB friends with him. If she didn't want attention from him, wouldn't he be off her FB friends list? Under normal circumstances, I don't think a woman needs to tell her husband every time some guy flirts with her but she's had at least two inappropriate relationships in the past year or so and she's allegedly in rehabilitation mode? If she was serious, I'd think she'd be avoiding even the appearance of screwiness and that she'd be going out of her way to be transparent with you.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

shakazulu2420 said:


> Yes he is on her friends list. He has been .


It's time for him to get blocked then. He is not a friend of the marriage. Your wife should be on board with that. If she isn't, that's a red flag for sure.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

The offending 'punk' should have been un-friended.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The offending punk isn't the problem. She's the gate-keeper to her FB account. She's the one with the wedding ring, the one who took the vows, the one who owes her husband some level of honesty. Whether she is forced to block this one guy or not, she will talk to whomever she pleases and she will talk to them however she pleases. If she wants to flirt around with other guys, she needs to be in an open marriage or be out of the marriage game.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Love the replies. They are sober and mature


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

I do think the short break up we had last yr was the best. She was having two flings. Then after I left she realized how much our marriage meant. she's home after work. Takes me everywhere. Doesn't see her girlfriend n sister that she used to spend all the time with and meet men at their houses any more. We just came from vacation. It was wonderful. Many said to give up. Others here told me to hang in there. 
Just dissapointed I wasn't informed about this punk. He is living at home. No job. No car. Playa. Wanting to sleep with my wife. And looking at his fb page he seems depressed that some girl left him recently.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

shakazulu2420 said:


> Just dissapointed I wasn't informed about this punk. He is living at home. No job. No car. Playa. Wanting to sleep with my wife. And looking at his fb page he seems depressed that some girl left him recently.


LOL, what kind of chicks would get with that?!?!?


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

JustTired said:


> LOL, what kind of chicks would get with that?!?!?


That's what i used to think until it happened lol, 
Shakazulu, glad things seemed to be on track for you there but this is a serious breach and needs a better explanation of just some punk, it doesn't add up that she would just add a young punk who hit on her and not tell you until asked who he was especially one with no prospects soi is this an accurate description of him for a start?, perhaps time to start doing a spot of investigating before you speak to her about this but don't leave it more than a few days to reinforce your disappointment


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

UN FRIEND. Or better yet, DELETE FB


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Please allow this "straying husband" to tell a story of a recent "dialog" that my wife had with a young man.

I really don't have a horse in this race as I do not have the most "stellar" record of fidelity, yes? But my wife on the other hand...is a classy lady and I really still am befuddled as to why she keeps me around (with conditions now...that I am fulfilling)...

She is a moderator on a cannabis forum and she is held in high regard for her knowledge. Since D-Day (mid December of '14), a young man began a "dialog on the forum with my wife. I noticed the attention he was giving her and I knew exactly how she was being played. I said nothing. After a few weeks of him asking her about nutrients and application of teas, he began asking her about how "she was doing"...LOL!

Now mind you, I know of him, but he knows nothing of me other than I am her husband. Suddenly he begins "liking" my posts regardless of the fact that he and I have never had any dialog. I know why he is doing it...This guy is a rookie.

Now here's the deal...My wife never tells me about this kid (in his twenties I believe and diagnosed Asperger's all of 120lbs with health issues). The subject somehow comes up about him and I ask if he has actually come out and propositioned her. Her reply was "He wanted to buy me a plane ticket to the Denver Cup so we could meet."

Her reply to him was "I cannot accept that offer, but thank you." He of course made one last half hearted attempt by replying with "I don't suppose I could challenge your morals could I?"

To which she didn't even offer an acknowledgment. And he never tried anything again.

Another guy on FB that knows both me and her who happens to be on that same forum sent my wife a pic of himself, his phone number and an invitation to skype if she ever wants to "talk"...LOL!

She never once replied to his gracious invitation. I have previous issues with this one from a business deal that he burned me on and I am prepared to bury this guy for it, so she opted to not tell me about this one in spite of the fact that she handled it well. 

As for both these guys, how would I look in the eyes of the woman I love if this 200lb lifter/runner was to get all "uppity" with a twenty something, 120lb kid that has no social skills or a forty something obese dude that just had a stroke looking to get some nookie from a well known cannabis grower, yeah?

She could have had either of these guys...Instead she opted for me...her husband who doesn't have a great track record...Aside from feeling like a cad when I compare my behavior to hers, the lesson here is...

If she is committed to you...Is it necessary to tell you everything that happens?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It seems weird to me that he even tried to hit on her, unless her behaviour on fb led him to believe she was open to his advances. Why was he even messaging her to start with? Did he just hit on her out of the blue? I doubt it. Lol, maybe I just don't understand it because it was never easy for guys to hit on me. DH had to outright ask me if it was ok because I was so hard to read. Maybe your wife is just one of those ppl that gives signals to everyone without even trying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> She then told me he is a little punk who had hit on her on fb a month ago *but she told him he was toooo young (20).* That she had a husband and that he knew she had a husband and that that wasn't right.


She gave him those reasons in that order. Hmmm, IMO, there's only reason that she's not interested and it's nestled between reason 1 and reason 3.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Agree: You're too young shouldn't have been a reason at all. What if he was 30? 

"I'm married, back off" should have been enough. It seems that 30+ year old guys are 50% into her pants right off the bat.

But I could be wrong.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Get out, mate. She's a bad apple. She's still messing around on FB after last years flings. She should have deleted it FB completely.

Get out. Now.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

shakazulu2420 said:


> I do think the short break up we had last yr was the best. She was having two flings. Then after I left she realized how much our marriage meant. she's home after work. Takes me everywhere. Doesn't see her girlfriend n sister that she used to spend all the time with and meet men at their houses any more. We just came from vacation. It was wonderful. Many said to give up. Others here told me to hang in there.
> Just dissapointed I wasn't informed about this punk. He is living at home. No job. No car. Playa. Wanting to sleep with my wife. And looking at his fb page he seems depressed that some girl left him recently.


So where does the issue stand if another punk hits on her? Have you said that you want to know this type of thing and she said okay I'm sorry and will remember that. Or is it still a disagreement?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

For some people Facebook might be too much temptation.. I think that's a shame however. I think the only way to go forward from something like this is full transparency.. as others keep saying.

What LED HER TO DO THESE THINGS.. was their unresolved Resentment in your marriage.. APATHY.. BOREDOM ?? 

Have you & her discussed these roots .. and weeded them out of your lives.. this is JUST AS IMPORTANT to do over "proper boundaries" and carrying Transparency forward.

Please read my thread.. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...parency-what-means-our-marraige-what-you.html

possibly share it with your wife.. there is no greater , deeper way to find intimacy with your partner.. ..if she would have come to you...saying "Hey honey, this young guy just said this to me".. if this was common place in your marriage, you wouldn't even BAT an eye.. because the trust would be BUILT ever so high with each other... just being used to openly discussing all things that come.. conversations we have out & about.. Maybe myself & Husband are just weird. but that's how we've always been...it also helps you stay in line.. accountable to each other.. 

2 other good articles here..

Living a High Definition, Transparent Marriage 


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/articles/993-sex-lies-secrets-secrecy-destroying-your-marriage.html


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Good Replies. Who else is having trouble with this new layout? Can't click on page 2 or three.... And it's slow


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

shakazulu2420 said:


> She then told me he is a little punk who had hit on her on fb a month ago but she told him he was toooo young (20). That she had a husband and that he knew she had a husband and that that wasn't right.
> 
> Would have appreciated though had she told me at the time(last month) but she says she handled it and I shouldn't be worried.





shakazulu2420 said:


> Yes he is on her friends list. He has been .


 If she still has him on her FB friends list, then she "handled it" wrong.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wow, she hasn't learnt much has she?

I was hit on, on FB a couple of months before my wedding, by a guy on my friends list. His messages started off a bit inappropriate because I was engaged (and made no secret of that fact, pics of me and hubby all over my FB), but nothing rude...he didn't take my first hint that I was uncomfortable and then proceeded to tell me that he wished he was the man getting married to me, and blah blah blah.

I shut him down immediately, told him I didn't wish to continue the conversation or our FB friendship, and that he was being very disrespectful to my fiancé. I showed my (then) fiancé both messages, in case this guy then tried to message him saying I'd been flirting or something - who knows what these people might do. If that had happened, hubby knew that it was bs because I'd already shown him.

I then deleted and blocked him.

100% transparency. There is no place for secrets in marriage.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Wow, she hasn't learnt much has she?
> 
> I was hit on, on FB a couple of months before my wedding, by a guy on my friends list. His messages started off a bit inappropriate because I was engaged (and made no secret of that fact, pics of me and hubby all over my FB), but nothing rude...he didn't take my first hint that I was uncomfortable and then proceeded to tell me that he wished he was the man getting married to me, and blah blah blah.
> 
> ...


This is important Shak. Frusdil is expressing how a woman who loves her guy acts (and thinks). Not only did she not respond to the creeper but she was angry that he disrespected her guy.


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