# So far



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

the hardest thing I have had to adjust to so far has been my STBX's boyfriend buying things for my kids and interacting with them. I'm insecure about losing my kids to another man. I know that's my issue, but I just feel it's way too soon for them to have someone brought around. My two year old can easily be confused. My STBX doesnt see anything wrong with it and brings him around. divorce isnt even in the final stages. She's been seeing the guy 6 months. I asked her nicely to not do it and she went against it, i had the lawyers ask her not to and she disregards it. What do I do?


----------



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Without a lot of money, and a shrewd lawyer to slap an injunction on her, I dont think there is a lot you can do. Its almost like for their own benefit of feeling like they didnt just screw the pooch for themselves and their kids, they attempt to move on as fast as possible to validate and justify their sh!tty actions as a spouse.
"SEEE,, I KNEW this was the right thing to do...." 
(so that absolves me of any wrong doing, because the ends justify the means)

The courts make you take these parenting classes that specify a time period to wait after divorce before involving your kids with another person. Then you have to take a test on it and pass it, the ramifications being,,, who knows...

theres a girl who was one of the toxic-***** friends of my wife that has five kids. her divorce was on the same day ours was and we saw her there at the courthouse that day. Five months ago.
Shes now engaged, and regularly posts pictures of her kids sitting on her new mans lap, with captions "they love their new stepdad" all smiles and sh!t.
So shove it down everyone's throat and insist that those smiles relate to this whole disaster she created by cheating on her husband and family, that all of it was the right thing to do.
Thats another one of the lesser-discussed sides of divorce, dealing with the fallout from embarassingly selfish decisions the psychotic ex makes in order to be able to look at herself in the mirror again..

GAWWWWW,, that just freaking makes me livid..
Gimme five minutes with her and a three foot length of garden hose..


----------



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

I have told her so many times that i could care less if she is with this dude or not, but to just give our kids the time they need to adjust. This has nothing to do with controlling who she is with but my kids and their bond with me is as strong as possible. It bothers me when my son tells me that her boyfriend got him something that I was supposed to get him within the next few days. Or my two year old daughter talking about him. I dont know this guy from adam and her decision making has been questionable and selfish. She becomes infuriated at me when I even tell her that I have asked her to not bring him around. It pisses me off that she doesnt look at the big picture but simply is worried about what I ask her to do.


----------



## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Rico, you are your kids father and as long as you're ALWAYS there for them whenever they call, you spend quality time with them when they are with you, and you be the best father possible to your children. They WILL know who their father is. 

Sure they will might grow a bond with OM, but wouldnt you rather them have a healthy realtionship with someone their mother is seeing instead of having a house divided and making the mother of your child pick between your kids and someone she may Love. 

I know this may seam harsh, but you can not control who their mother is seeing if they do not pose a threat to the children. The courts only care about the children not becoming a burden on the tax payers. 

I've learned The only thing I can do for my own daughter is answer the phone when she calls, drop whatever im doing and pick her up when she wants to see me, and spent the quality time with her when I have her instead of quantity. (Keep in mind my Ex Wife was seeing a new man around my daughter 3 days after i left, which means she was seeing him months before i left)


----------



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

You're right......and I know its my own insecurity as I was the ONLY man in their lives. I admit it is something I have to come to grips with. I cant compete with them and try to buy the kids everything they do and try to be more grandiose than them. I can make it quality versus quantity. You're right. it's just that I have made my own decision to not bring another female into their lives until I was sure and ready for them to meet a new person. I have put them first and I believe in the chance to let them adjust. If I have to be alone the rest of my life in order for them to be ok, I would do it. I would sacrifice everything for them and never want to see them hurt or confused.


----------



## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I used to feel the way you did. Until I realised I can only control my actions. You will make it through this. Kids are very protective of parents that love them and if you are there for them. They will always love you. 

Being a Disney land dad is terrible for kids. If you always do that, the only time they will want to come to your house is when youre taking them somewhere. Taking them sledding down a huge hill at a local school for free instead of bringing them out to eat is much better for bonding!


----------



## mmomof3 (Apr 19, 2011)

I would be worried about someone being in your child's life who may not be there long term. I imagine should they split your daughter would be very sad if she has grown attached to the OM (especially given the recent split of mom and dad). Perhaps she would be more understanding that you want to protect your daughter from more heartache. Good luck


----------



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

No way, she completely sees nothing wrong bringing OM into their lives. She doesnt see anything wrong with it and doesnt see the potential of there being any issues. Like I said she does what she wants and I'm left to accept it.


----------

