# How to let go of...



## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

How to let go of the hatred, the disgust and the raging anger toward my WW???

It seems like every time we talk about her cheating, I get this raging anger that creeps up and I start calling her names, almost yelling at her. I try to contain myself for the sake of the little one, but at times it's almost impossible and I cannot control my lashing out at her. She has no bloody clue as to what I am going trough at the moment. I even emailed her a short article that explains what betrayed spouses go through after finding out about the betrayal. In response to that, she sent me a link to some women discussion board, more specifically to a thread where the main discussion topic was mental/psychological abuse... Wouldn't mental/psychological abuse be when a person does it on purpose? I am at loss why she would direct me to that particular thread...

I really want to be able to get past the anger stage and start accepting the situation so that I can start my healing and be on friendly terms with her, if only for the sake of the little one. She is moving out in two weeks, so I hope that will help a lot.

I've been trying to get an appointment with psychologists in the area, as I need guidance in going through this firestorm in my head, but it seems like everyone I call is either on vacation or could not be bothered to return my calls. It's a living hell for me, as I have to remain strong, for the sake of the little one, but inside, I am a crushed man. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel...

Any suggestions or ideas will be welcomed.

Thank you...


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Hamster2 said:


> How to let go of the hatred, the disgust and the raging anger toward my WW???
> 
> It seems like every time we talk about her cheating, I get this raging anger that creeps up and I start calling her names, almost yelling at her. I try to contain myself for the sake of the little one, but at times it's almost impossible and I cannot control my lashing out at her. She has no bloody clue as to what I am going trough at the moment. I even emailed her a short article that explains what betrayed spouses go through after finding out about the betrayal. In response to that, she sent me a link to some women discussion board, more specifically to a thread where the main discussion topic was mental/psychological abuse... Wouldn't mental/psychological abuse be when a person does it on purpose? I am at loss why she would direct me to that particular thread...
> 
> ...


Hi,

About 6 weeks ago my anger was getting out of control. I just found a counsellor and the simple act of making an appointment seemed to fix the worst of it.

I have called her names a few times since then, but it's been limited and I make myself walk away as I feel it building up.

My spouse does follow me, badgering all the way sometimes and if that happens I tend to allow myself to call her names. This stops her from following me and allows me to calm down.

As was suggested on here, I have started jogging but that does not seem to have helped with the flare ups - usually after finding/figuring something else out.

So, get that counsellor and make yourself walk away when you feel the anger rising.


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## blindsidedwife (Sep 7, 2012)

I'm sorry you're here. I'm in a similar position to you - there was a lot of yelling for the first few days after DDay, and then once or twice since then. I think you are right though, it will be easier when she is gone. 

I'm also stuck with my WH for the next week or so (already been a month since DDay), feel like I'm stuck in limbo at the moment.

I don't think yelling at her will help her understand how much she has hurt you - it's probably only going to make her go on the defensive. Perhaps you could just avoid contact as much as possible until she moves out and your anger subsides a bit?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I understand about the anger. This post has been offered to me a few times. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/50217-initial-foray-32.html#post938243 I have read it and read it but not yet really put it into practice.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well what you are describing is verbal abuse whether or not you want to do it intentionally


I understand where emotions get the best of you but to fly off the handle at any time the affair comes up will only breed resentment on both sides and sever bonds. 

it is okay to be angry, it is okay to express your anger in a controlled manner, but you are stuck in a rage rather than being able to work through the periods of anger 

maybe you just aren't the type of person who can overcome this type of betrayal during R, not everyone is and it is understandable and not uncommon at all. Maybe you need to learn tools of anger management or coping for you to be able to get past this. 

Perhaps see a qualified MC or IC, while the betrayal is not your fault at all, living with uncontrollable rage is not beneficial to either one of you.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Say your money on a shrink.

Buy the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.

Normal response to rage.....once. After that it becomes abusive. You want to save your marriage you have to make your WW feel safe. Get this book and learn how to response to your WW and to start the marriage recovery.

How did you find out about the affair?

Has your WW told you everything that you want to know about the affair?

If not get it all out ASAPand then don't talk about it any more. As things are revealed you will have to man up and not rage. To rage will only make your WW not feel safe and clam up and not tell you any more about the affair.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

another way to rid yourself of the anger is to execute the 180. Read up on that. Realize the 180 is for you and your sanity. When you are in a better place mentally, you are more capable of handling your emotions.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

theroad said:


> Say your money on a shrink.
> 
> Buy the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.
> 
> ...


I have to wonder, theroad, if you have been through this?

It isn't possible to "get it all out" as things simply come into your mind that haven't before and, one way or another, you have to deal with it.

To say "man up and not rage" is the same as telling somebody with clinical depression to "cheer up and stop being so moody".


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hamster2 said:


> How to let go of the hatred, the disgust and the raging anger toward my WW???
> 
> It seems like every time we talk about her cheating, I get this raging anger that creeps up and I start calling her names, almost yelling at her. I try to contain myself for the sake of the little one, but at times it's almost impossible and I cannot control my lashing out at her. She has no bloody clue as to what I am going trough at the moment. I even emailed her a short article that explains what betrayed spouses go through after finding out about the betrayal. In response to that, she sent me a link to some women discussion board, more specifically to a thread where the main discussion topic was mental/psychological abuse... Wouldn't mental/psychological abuse be when a person does it on purpose? I am at loss why she would direct me to that particular thread...
> 
> ...


She directed you to that thread because she doesn't understand what she did to you.

SHE mentally abused you!

You need counselling in order to help you.

Here's an idea. Say to her: "Thank you for that link. I think now you are starting to understand the terrible mental abuse you heaped on me. I am sorry for the verbal abuse I have given you, but this is just mirroring the mental abuse you have heaped on me. Please remember this, I did not make you have the affair, that was all your own doing. You cheated on me, you cheated on our child."


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Al the BS goes through this phase of anger and resentment but dont allow this to cloud your judgment.

Many BS goes through this stage because they rug swept the A, they are not aware of the full extent or full details of A, Their WS may not be truly remorseful or not doing the heavy lifting. In many cases BS believes that WS dont understand the pain and damage caused by their cheating.

Get some IC, Dont sit idle. Find some new hobbies, talk to her what you need and what she should do. This may help you to overcome this stage.


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Chris989 - I started to go to the gym, 3 times a week, but it also does not help, even though the trainer is making me push my limits. So, not sure if I will continue that program at the end of October. 

BSW - Yeah, it feels pretty much like I am stuck in a closed loop. Get up in the morning feeling okay. As the day progress, all these images keep coming stronger and stronger, even when I try to read a book or go for a walk. Some days, I feel like my head is going to explode.

Thanks Harken, I bookmarked it and will read it later on today. Busy with little one today as mom is working.

AlmostR - There is no reconciliation happening, she is moving out in 2 weeks. Initially, after D-Day, I suggested a MC, but she brushed it off as useless waste of money. She is also checked out of the relationship.


Theroad - This is not about reconciliation, aint gonna happen. See my above comment, and no, she has not told me everything. There is one small detail that I asked her tell me, for my own enlightenment so I don't get blindsided again, but she absolutely refuses to tell. Her words, almost, "I can help you as much as I can, but forget about that information, not going to tell you ever". All I want to know is how did she managed to go to this guy's place, for 8 months, and I never saw anything?? She was either at work, at home or shopping with or without the little one, always coming back with heaps of shopping bags. You ladies on here understand what I mean. Without that information, I cannot complete piecing everyting together in my head so that I can move on. So, what I see is that will partly cooperate in my healing. 


aug - Yes, I have to read that thing and print it on the walls of my house, after she's moved out. 

Matt - Indeed, she does not understand, or very little, even if she says she is sorry. For 2 weeks now, I have been trying to get a hold of a psychologist, but I'm still in limbo, waiting for a call to set up an appointment. Meanwhile, I'm buying books on amazon, read here and other sites hoping to find THE magic pill that will help me, but to no avail.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

It took a bit for me to realize that I was angry enough to run him down with my car but what helped me stop being that angry was the realization that I could control it.
Once while yelling and cussing my H the phone rang, I picked it up and calmly said hello. as soon as the conversation on the phone was over I was back to yelling at my H........Although angry enough to boil in my own skin I did not have to act in that anger.
I had become some one I did not want to be. I was not about to let what my H did to me, us, and our family change who I am.
Not to mention I was done letting what he did destroy me. I did start doing more for me and the kids. I had to stop my self from acting in anger and hurt (anger is a secondary emotion) because I was letting my self be changed by what he did.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Anger is part of the grieving process. It sounds like you are not going to R, so you are in fact grieving the death of your marriage and the spouse you *thought *you had. 

I went through 2 months of complete anger, of which I did not even TRY to control. I turned into an ugly, scary, almost violent person that I didn't even recognize. While I thought this was normal to not hold back the anger, I ended up feeling very ashamed of myself for those episodes. To this day (3 1/2 months after d-day), I still wake up angry almost every morning and have to calm myself down before I get going for the day. 

No magic secret though. I've read articles and researched on controlling anger - some of it does help. Just need to figure out how to control it so that you don't do something that you'll regret. It's just like you yourself said, you want to be on somewhat good terms for the child. 

I believe that, in time, the anger will fade. That will help with the new chapter that's about to start in your life.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I don't think she's stopped contact with her AP


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Once she is out of your life it will get better, hell in 2 weeks you will see a big difference, so count the days and tell your self that her crap will not define who you want to be and for now keep your distance with a strong 180. You will be surprised how effective the 180 can be in relieving the emotional torture you are dealing with.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Hamster2 said:


> See my above comment, and no, she has not told me everything. There is one small detail that I asked her tell me, for my own enlightenment so I don't get blindsided again, but *she absolutely refuses to tell. *Her words, almost, "I can help you as much as I can, *but forget about that information, not going to tell you ever*". All I want to know is how did she managed to go to this guy's place, for 8 months, and I never saw anything?? She was either at work, at home or shopping with or without the little one, always coming back with heaps of shopping bags. You ladies on here understand what I mean. Without that information, I cannot complete piecing everyting together in my head so that I can move on. So, what I see is that will partly cooperate in my healing.


This is the most difficult part. I have the first hand experience of this. I don't think you can overcome this ever. She might be thinking that she is saving you from more mental trouble - but in fact she is ensuring it that you will NEVER COME OUT OF IT.

About overcoming all this - I think only TIME is the answer. Another thing is that, only the time which was spent on reading similar experiences of other people on TAM (I didn't know any other site before) - was bit relieving. As soon as I stopped reading, my grief came back stronger.

Yes, Time is the only answer for now, but it is sure-shot. I hope you come out of all this very fast.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

How long ago did you find out?

In my case, I let my anger build for months. There is no magic bullet, there's no timetable, just one day you will be able to make the choice to accept what she did to you, and let go of the anger. In the meantime, you need to try to control it, don't allow yourself to just cut loose on her. Walk away. Continue doing things for you, like the gym. Try to keep busy, try to wear yourself out. Search google for ways to deal with anger. Read threads on this forum, they will help you realize that you aren't alone. Does your work have an employee assistance program?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Hamster2 said:


> There is one small detail that I asked her tell me, for my own enlightenment so I don't get blindsided again, but she absolutely refuses to tell. Her words, almost, "I can help you as much as I can, but forget about that information, not going to tell you ever". *All I want to know is how did she managed to go to this guy's place, for 8 months, and I never saw anything?? She was either at work, at home or shopping with or without the little one, always coming back with heaps of shopping bags.* You ladies on here understand what I mean. Without that information, I cannot complete piecing everyting together in my head so that I can move on. So, what I see is that will partly cooperate in my healing.


She could have called in sick to work or taken vacation days and not told you about them. Go in to work late, leave early. Lunch hours. Business meetings outside of the workplace. Services that do your shopping for you, all you do is pick the stuff up. Other man could travel to meet her. Hair, nails.

Stop talking to her except about the kid and finances.


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

This is where my story is located elsewhere on this site.

D-Day was a month ago, August 13....

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/52986-good-bad-ugly.html


When she gets home from work, I try to ignore her as much as I can, sitting quietly in the living room, reading news and what-not on the internet. She always find something to "chat" about, but I just want her to get out of my face. What I find irritating at times, is her happy-go-lucky attitude, nothing seems to bother her.

The thing is, I retired this past January, young retiree, and it seems like my life has been crumbling since then. So, it makes it even harder, all the stability in my life is now gone, just like it has been pulled from under my feet in an instant. So much for enjoying life after almost 40 years in the work force.

She has limited amount of vacation days and she plans them well in advance. She works in the private industry and they have to be booked almost 6 months in advance. So, that possibility is not the one. Sick days, I guess she could have done that, but they are also limited and they required a medical certificate from the MD. So chances are minimal here too. Possibly, the only possibility would be pretending she had a medical appointment of some sort in order to leave the office early. But, to do it all the time, in a private company, especially the one she works for, would be enough to get fired. People there have been fired for being late more than 3 times, without a very good reason. She is a very shrewd person and every penny has to be accounted for and she would raise a stink if I wasted some money on what she would consider a frivolous purchase. So, I don't know....

I guess I have to come to term with the fact that I will never know how she managed to do it without me noticing anything.


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

You let go by GETTING ANOTHER WOMAN. You raise your self esteem by GETTING ANOTHER WOMAN. Why would your wife want you now? You're obsessed over her banging other dudes and give excuses as to why you can't date now.

Move on and you will feel sooo much better. Your mind will be occupied instead of worrying what guy your wife is going to be with next. 

It will also show show your wife that someone else is getting the best of you now instead of the depressed, angry, pity party you.

Please date without any expectations and you will be happy. Don't be afraid of rejection.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Maybe this will help:

Originally Posted by Stephanie Anderson, Editor-in-Chief, Marriage Sherpa 

3 Ways to Erase Post-Affair Anger

Have you been cheated on and since turned into an “angry” person?

The majority of people who have been cheated on will experience anger as of the many emotions they feel after finding out about their spouse’s affair. And for some, they find that, where they were once a happy person, they now feel angry all the time—and people are noticing.

Today’s blog will help you, if you’ve been cheated on, to defuse post-affair anger 3 different ways, as well as offer an explanation for why anger is lingering. And if you haven’t been cheated on but still experience bouts of anger in your relationship with your spouse, the same tips can help you, as well. Read on…

Why Post-Affair Anger May Linger

You’ve been cheated on—you have every right to be angry. For your spouse to betray you by developing a sexual relationship with someone else is the worst kind of double-cross.

You’re hurt, humiliated—and feel a deep sense of anger that your spouse could do this to you, and that anger doesn’t seem to let go. It’s tearing you apart inside, literally, causing sleepless nights, changed appetite and hostile, negative thoughts.

Anger is a normal emotion and nothing to be ashamed about. We all experience anger at times, unless you’re a saint. But if anger is clinging to your life and coloring your world a dark shade of gray, you need to find a way to let it go.

If it is the result of your spouse’s betrayal, the betrayal itself may have taken place months ago, but the anger still lingers today. There’s a point where your anger can become chronic—a bad habit—and you become what people refer to as an “angry person.”

One explanation for why anger can become chronic is because there is some issue that remains unresolved. It could be that your spouse is not being remorseful or hasn’t completely cut ties with the paramour. Or, it could be that you have not given yourself the time, space and attention to work through and process all of your negative emotions.

After you found out about your spouse’s affair, have you:

1- Been acknowledging and working through the post-affair anger?

2- Trying to ignore, sidestep or otherwise tamp down those angry feelings?

3- Allowing the angry thoughts and emotions to take over, unchallenged?

If you are working through the anger, then you are on track for being yourself once again, taking pleasure in life and feeling positive.

But if you have been ignoring your anger, it remains below the surface, festering and growing. If anger has taken over and become chronic—and you allow this state to go on—then you are heading into becoming an angry person who is recognized for their anger instead of for your true, underlying personality.

Next, I’ll share with you how to defuse anger so you can begin to heal.

The 3 Different Ways to Defuse Anger

If you have tried to ignore anger in hopes it goes away, or allowed it to invade your life to the point that it defines you, I want you to try any or all of the following three methods for defusing anger. When you’re caught up in the post-affair, emotional maelstrom—you need a life buoy to cling to until you get to safety. These methods will help pull you safely from the turmoil you currently find yourself in to a place where you can once again feel solid ground beneath your feet.

Anger Defuser #1: React to Angry Thoughts Immediately

When you experience an angry or hostile thought, don’t let it slip past without a reprimand or challenge of some kind. Otherwise, angry thoughts can begin to feel a little too comfortable invading your mind and hijacking your emotions any time they like.

Angry thoughts serve a purpose—to let you know that something isn’t sitting right with you—so acknowledge that, but also challenge the thought itself: on what basis is this thought coming forward? Is it steeped in truth, or the work of imagination? Is it something that is true all the time, or in just one or two instances?

Anger Defuser #2: Cool Down Using Distractions

When you feel angry thoughts taking over, distract yourself with something else. Some people swear by exercise, working up a sweat and letting the anger ebb away. Others pick up a book, turn on the television, or cook. It’s difficult to focus on angry thoughts when your attention is needed elsewhere. And it is much more pleasant to focus on something that makes you happy until the anger passes.

Anger Defuser #3: Catch Anger Early

Often, we allow anger to simmer and then it boils over into a rage. At that point, the horse is out of the barn and difficult to lead back.

When you feel anger simmering, write out what is going on inside instead of waiting for it to build and then lashing out. Most people have a negative feeling about themselves after lashing out in anger, and you do not want to heap more negative feelings on yourself as you are trying to heal from post-affair pain or otherwise work toward saving your marriage.

My best to you as you work to defuse anger and heal.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

chapparal said:


> Maybe this will help:


Beat you to it.


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Thanks for the comments and advice everyone. The raging bull anger is mostly gone, I only get "pissed off" at her now and then. But, I still get the occasional moments where I get teary eyes, because of a song I just heard on the radio, or because I just read something in a book where I recognized myself or the situation here.

Only one more week to wait before she moves out, so I'm trying to maintain the 180 attitude with her and keep things peaceful in the house. I spend a lot of 1-on-1 time with the little one after school. 

Also, I have decided to inform her family in Russia. The letter is gone for translation and as soon as I get it, I will email it to my brother-in-law. This way, they will really see her for what she is. Anyone want to give their opinion/views about me sending them the letter?

Thanks


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Hamster2 said:


> Thanks for the comments and advice everyone. The raging bull anger is mostly gone, I only get "pissed off" at her now and then. But, I still get the occasional moments where I get teary eyes, because of a song I just heard on the radio, or because I just read something in a book where I recognized myself or the situation here.
> 
> Only one more week to wait before she moves out, so I'm trying to maintain the 180 attitude with her and keep things peaceful in the house. I spend a lot of 1-on-1 time with the little one after school.
> 
> ...


I think it's a damn good idea.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Ok, it could be someone at her workplace. Maybe the OM is a co-worker. There are stories here where WW confessed affair with a different guy to save the OM from BS wrath or still continue the affair. Or she did it at your home(assuming you are out quite often). It must be something terrible for her to still hide that information from you. 

You will find out soon enough. Also try hiring a PI if only for your mental peace.

You wife is a piece of work. Her answers are some of most cold, emotionless answers I've seen on this forum. Almost like those Russian(or eastern european ) stereotype you see in the movies


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Well, she IS Russian, born and raised in far East Siberia...

I'm not bothering pushing the issue anymore, not worth my time and sanity. I'm still debating between filing for divorce based on her infidelity, which I can apply for anytime, or wait after 12 months of separation and file for a "no fault" divorce. That is how it works where I live in Canada.

I'm still riding the emotional roller-coaster, but some days are better than others. Mostly better days now, but still tough to come to terms with all this bull*t. It seems like my life has been on hold for 2 months now, and at times, I feel so tired of it all and wish it could just go away.

Rebirth time will come... eventually, but it seems to be so far away.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Do you know who the OM is? I'm assuming it's still going on or is on the low down for the moment.

My guess is she's hooking up at lunch or before work.

The other possibility is that she's either having someone do the shopping for her, OR she is reusing bags and the stuff in them?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ah I re-read your old thread. 

She either met him on her lunch, but I'm betting it's a guy at work. That's why she's not telling you how she did it.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Here is something that helped me,al lot..
may not work for you ,but its worth a shot

But try it.And only do it for your own sake


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness_(psychology)

Youtube

mindfulness - YouTube


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Possibly she kept shopping bags from previous shopping trips, I don't know.

Although she is refusing to tell me some of the information I asked her, she did say that she picked up that POS on AffairHotel.com, where she was advertising herself as looking for discreet encounters for sex only, no string attach and no commitment. Said that they exchange emails for a while, met a few times for coffee and chat and then decided to go to his place.

She is so a bazillion light years away from the woman I thought she was, strong with high moral values.

Not that it will make any difference for me, but I'm hoping that her family and relatives will give her a ton of crap next time she goes there. She's planning on going back home next May, as she was mentioning it this morning.


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

A small follow up....

This is the moving out week-end for her. She's working today and tomorrow and has the day off on Monday. So today and tomorrow, we'll be moving tidbits after supper, with the big push on Monday. Lucky me, I get to have the little one for the first week.  She says she needs time to clean and fix the apartment before bringing in the little one. Whatever...

Two days ago, I also sent the email (translation) to her brother and one of her cousins. Well, she's pissed off now because her cousin wrote back asking what's going on. On the other hand, her brother wrote back and he's upset and in shock for what she has done, and wants her to call him.

She sent me a text message saying: "I can see you are not any time. Why did you remove me from your FB. What did you tell "her cousin", as she sent me mail asking what is going on. Wanna piss me off, go ahead. This is not what I expected of you. This is just showing your true nature."

My response to her was: "You want me to be out of your life, out of your way, so no reason to give you access to my FB.... I told "cousin" and "brother" what is happening here, as I see it. You can tell them whatever you want. Speaking of :that's not what I expected of you", I can say the same thing about you. You are upset??? How do you think I have been for the last couple of months??? It's only fair that I get a chance to tell them my side of the story, so that they see you for who you really are, and it's probably the last time I communicate with them, I don't speak Russian and they don't speak English."

She is really ticked off, still sending me text messages and calling me names. I guess she does not appreciate to be exposed to her family back home. 

Oh well, let the storm go by, peace and quietness is coming in a few days...


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Hamster2 said:


> A small follow up....
> 
> This is the moving out week-end for her. She's working today and tomorrow and has the day off on Monday. So today and tomorrow, we'll be moving tidbits after supper, with the big push on Monday. Lucky me, I get to have the little one for the first week.  She says she needs time to clean and fix the apartment before bringing in the little one. Whatever...
> 
> ...


Is her English good enough to understand the word 'irony' ?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think you need to assure her that you are only speaking the truth about her actions - and of course she is proud of her actions and wants everyone to know what she has chosen to do!


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Hamster,

Sad about your story.

How did you miss her A? Are you taking care of yourself?

See the links under AlmostRecovered's signature.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> This is just showing your true nature.


Which is nothing to be ashamed of unlike hers.

You told the truth and she is the one that cheated and cannot even come clean. Possibly the last person in your life that you want to take "intergrity" lessons from.


Did you find out the identity of the OM ?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Does she have citizenship? Maybe you should look into having her cheating a$$ sent back to Siberia!


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Malaise...

She is fluent in English and understand very well that word. She is moving out this week-end, and the irony of it is that today would have been our 12th wedding anniversary. How much more ironic can it be? 

Shaggy...

Her cousin sent her a copy of the email I sent her. She was upset, saying I portrayed her almost as a prostitute. She is still boasting about her affair with her "f*ck buddy", as she keeps referring to him, even defending him that he is a nice man. Whatever...

AngryandUsed...

I still don't know how I could miss it or see the signs. After I asked her to tell me how she did it, to enlighten me so I don't get blindsided again in the future, she said she will never tell me how she managed to do it.

I am trying to take care of myself, but I am still loosing sleep and weight over this crap. Some days, my patience is very short with the little one. I really need time alone to deal with my crap, but it seems that when I hit those moments where I **really** need to be alone, the little one is more clingy and just won't let me sit quietly in the living room, or she just get very unruly and mischievous. I know she is also affected very much by all of this, and I have to force myself to be extra patient and understanding with her. It's not easy...

Warlock...

Last evening, she was on the phone with her brother, for a long time, but I fell asleep before she got off. From what I could hear, there was a lot of argumentation, but I don't know what she was saying. With my limited knowledge of Russian, picking up a word here and there was not enough for me know what she was saying. She said her brother will be sending me an email, but she wants to do the translation because she says that the professional English-Russian translator that I used may not do the translation properly. Like hell I will, I don't trust her and I cannot believe anything she says anymore.

No, I do not know who he is and she says she will never tell me the details about him or how she managed to blindside me since March last year.


KanDo...

She got her citizenship 10 years ago, she is full fledge citizen since then.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

It wasn't one guy and it wasn't once. You know that, right ? No wonder she won't tell you anything.


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

Indeed warlock, she is only admitting to the one guy, since March last year, seeing him about once a month.

During my initial forensic search and spying, after I got access to one of her email accounts, she has half a dozen that I know of, I saw one message with one guy, in a reply with the whole conversation below. She had proposed that they meet at the YMCA, where she goes for swimming, and "do it" in the car... When I told her about this one, she laughed and said that it never happened because the guy refused to get involved with a married woman, was against his moral value. Yeah right... If they were exchanging mail for a while, the subject of marriage would have come up early in the conversation.

So yeah, I am certain now that she has had more than one, probably quite a few. But I will never know the complete truth, and I have to come to terms with that and move on...


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Hamster2 said:


> Warlock...
> 
> Last evening, she was on the phone with her brother, for a long time, but I fell asleep before she got off. From what I could hear, there was a lot of argumentation, but I don't know what she was saying. With my limited knowledge of Russian, picking up a word here and there was not enough for me know what she was saying. She said her brother will be sending me an email, *but she wants to do the translation because she says that the professional English-Russian translator that I used may not do the translation properly.* Like hell I will, I don't trust her and I cannot believe anything she says anymore.
> 
> No, I do not know who he is and she says she will never tell me the details about him or how she managed to blindside me since March last year.



You dont need her to translate. Google translate works well. Since it an email, you can cut and paste into the translator.

Bet you she offered to translate because after her argument with her brother, she wants to know what he will email you. 

Probably info about one of her lovers in Russia?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Google translate is not yet at human understandable for some languages. Better go with the translator. 

Perhaps you should take up her offer and see what she will translate and talk with the translator anyway.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Would be interesting to know what the email says, then let her translate.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Dude just let her go, she is a waste of space and air. It sounds to me as though she is enjoying tormenting you.

Your best revenge is living well.


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