# How to deal with a husband who hates his 18 year old stepdaughter



## kimr

I have been married for 5 years (second marriage) I have 2 teenage daughters 18 and 15. My oldest and my husband in the beginning were ok but in the last 3 years things here have become so out of controll with them. We sat all the kids down after we were married and went over the rules that we all abide to (that even goes for myself and my husband). His 17 year old son became a handfull and decided to move out for he said he couldn't follow our rules. The rules are; 1) to leave a note letting us know where you were going and a phone number incase we need to contact you. 2) No phone after 9:00 that also includes cell phones (friends calling all hours of the night).
3) Please bring down you dirty laundry and to please try and keep your room picked up. Since his son left my husband had become so angry at myself and my kids that we walk around the house on eggshells. He knows how to push my oldest buttons and just wants her to do something so that he can tell to get out. He goes at me for he knows that will set her off and she thinks that she needs to protect me. My first marriage was a very abusive, physical, emotionally and verbally and she saw what her father use to do to me. I have talked to her and told her that I am a big girl and that I can handle myself, but she feels that she needs to protect me. He was taken out of the house 3 years ago and put into the R wing at a hospital for he went off the deep end. Went to counseling didn't really deal with what sent him over the edge always directed everything towards myself and my kids. We were the problem in his eyes, well that lasted maybe 1 year and then he stopped going. They had an altercation last April and he told me that he had an order of protection against my daughter. She was never served with any papers nor was I so I thought that was a little weird. Come to find out this past November that he was lying for once again he called the police to have her removed from the house and I asked the officer if he could check to see if there was really an order of proptection againt her. Well come to find out it was just his way of controlling everyone. He took $2500.00 out of the account and told me that it was a retainer fee for a lawyer. That I was going to be served divorce papers on December 15, 2009 but he contacted his lawyer and told him to hold off. I have been trying to keep peace at home for I have lost my job back in May and have no place to go. He picks at everything that my oldest does and I know he is just waiting to kick her out. She is a senior in school and she will not go live with her dad for when she is there it's not any better. If anyone has any advice please I need help.


----------



## turnera

Why do you stay married to him?


----------



## kimr

I was let go from my job back in May and have been looking for work. So when you don't have a place to go and with the little unemployment I receive I put food on the table and take care of the girls. I wish that I could just walk away but hands are tied.


----------



## turnera

Move to Houston! We have tons of jobs here.


----------



## kimr

If I could I would


----------



## Magdalen

I am sorry if I seem insensitive, but there is no way I would let a man treat my daughter or ME that way. Job or no job- you are living like a prisoner and causing emotional damage to you and your daughter.Every day you stay with him is another day of hell you endure. 
I know it's hard to be on your own, I was on my own from age 16 til I met my husband six years ago.(I am now 36). I had a child to raise alone and it was extremely hard, but I feel if there's a will, there's a way. Somehow you make it through, but nobody deserves to be a whipping post for anyone.
I hope you find strength and employment.


----------



## Big Bear

Job or no job, I would find some place to go. Family, friends, somebody should be willing to help you if your willing to ask. I'm afraid you situation is likely to only get worse and these are pivitol years for your kids.


----------



## karilynn

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. If someone has not been there, they do not know!!! IT is easy to say leave but not so easy to do. I am in the same situation, although a little different. My husband hates my 19 year old daughter - she came home to stay with us for 3 months and he can't deal with it. SHe is going into the Army Reserves in 3 weeks and I don't know what is going to happen before then. They don't get along at all and he does the same things - he ignores her or says snotty comments, treats her like crap and says he does it because she is rude to him. It just goes round and round. There is a lot of anger in our home right now. We also have a 2 year old daughter and he has a 13 yr old son. We've only been married for 1.5 years and together for 4.5. I want to just leave and I don't know what is holding me back. I have a good job and can afford to live on my own and support my kids. I guess I am afraid that he will blame her forever for our marriage falling apart, he has already made comments....but I don't know if I can ever forgive him.............its all very confusing!


----------



## turnera

So stop letting him blame everyone but himself. Tell him that every time he disparages one of you, you will leave the room. And do it! He can't gripe to an empty room. By listening and saying nothing, you are giving him permission to continue. I know, I lived it too. And I am ashamed of myself for putting my own desires and fears ahead of the well-being of my child.


----------

