# He Wants Me And The OW



## CantTakeAnymore (Aug 22, 2017)

Suspected hubby was having an affair starting sometime in June. We have been together for twenty years and he cheats in some form about every two years. He has a porn problem and likes massage parlors as well. Thing is that on all other fronts he is the perfect husband. We have been best friends in our day to day lives since we were 17 & 18. He just can't keep his willy in his pants. I have learned to live with that to keep the good. Well, I started getting emotionally abandoned in June, knew something was up and I left the house after I caught him lying about his whereabouts. For about three weeks he wouldn't even answer the phone for me. This has never happened before. He fed me a bunch of crap about my anger & jealousy and said he wanted us to both work on ourselves and com back together at some point. Then he would go out ever night and turn his phone off. Totally physical and emotional abandonment. I found out in Aug. that he had been in a relationship with a customer's wife. They thought that she might be pregnant. They were going to therapy and church together...wth?

I moved out permanently. Filed for divorce. Her husband and I have been working together on divorces. I have two grown children and one teen. They have two under age 7. After D-Day...hubby was talking about R before I ever filed for D. I was rightfully pissed and didn't care. At some point over the last few months I just stopped being angry. I just got more comfortable with the idea that they were going to be together. Hell, I planned to take her ex out after the D...lol (He is a nice Dr. with good morals & integrity). Anyway, I still work in conjunction with my husband. We run a business that we are partners in. I work from home in a city almost 2hrs from him. We have maintained a strange friendship where he calls me several times a day and we talk about her, me, us, her kids, her divorce. We get along better now that we don't live together. At first I just saw it as us maintaining a friendship to work/co-parent together. We have sent some sexually suggestive txts and he has come here to have sex with me twice. I'm a microwave...not a crock pot and I won't step outside the marriage. What can I say? I have needs. So, I think he has become more disenchanted with her and now he does not want a D. Wants me to hold out on signing. He is going to individual therapy and says he wants to figure out his core problem and fix it. 

So, here is where we are as of today. He fights with her on Sunday comes here to have sex with me on Monday. Fights with me on Tuesday...spends the night with her Tuesday night. He calls me first thing this morning, tells me he loves me, calls me baby. I'm sure he probably had lunch with her. She has my crock pot & Kitchen Aid. I ate her zucchini bread. She relayed a thank you for use of my crock pot. Jokes are being thrown around about his city wife and his country wife. The reality is that I would be ok with the situation if I got more sex and didn't have to hide the fact that we are sleeping together and that he is spending time with me. I have become the other woman. The truth is that I don't have to deal with the marital bs anymore. I come and go as I please, set my own schedule, do as I wish. I still get the friendship...I just need more sex. I would be ok with it if she knew and I got at least every other weekend.Its so warped! And I know that I have gone Bat Sh*t crazy.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You have to decide what you want and what is best for you. Doesn't sound like being the wife and the OW is working out for you. He is a serial cheater. Officially he is with the OW so he cheats on her with his wife?

Amazing what people will do.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

stop having sex with him. you are feeding his infidelity and catering to his selfishness.

no more cootchie coo as long as he is with her!


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Looks like you have settled in a somewhat comfy niche!

What will happen if you send her recent pictures of the two of you in a position where it is obvious he is cake eating with you and her? Will she dump him, or agree to sharing like you have? 

I would not do what you did, but I am not you. You do what is best for you. If this is it, then so be it. Why is he going to counseling? It looks like he is in hog heaven to me. No psycho babble is going to fix this man. He likes his life the way it is. You do too with a few tweaks. I think this can be arranged. 

Best of luck being the OW! Maybe that hat will be a better fit for you after 20 years of wearing the wife hat. 

By the way, I don't want to contradict anyone here. So with that said, you prolly are bat **** crazy! Enjoy it though. The hell with what others may think. Enjoy the ride and ride him all you want...(all pun intended)>

If you don't mind me asking, what nationality are you? I'm Hispanic and in my neck of the woods this is very common with the exception that the wife is always the wife and she will never divorce and give her husband the chance to take on more wives. That crown belongs to her and he is King of course...(eeK!!!)

My sister lived like this for many years until her last child was out of the house. She finally dumped the King and is quite happy with her new friend. He went off and married a girl 24 years younger. 10 years later, she dumped him and their 2 kids. Now he is raising his two young boys alone because mom is painting the town red. My sister gets along with him very well. He flirts with her and of course many others. He wants her to come back to him, but she is no fool. She likes her comfy life with her new man. In a joking manner she told him he got his just desserts. He now is a single great grandfather that is the single daddy that takes care of two boys under 10 and whom he prolly will not live to see them become men. The king's crown is being tainted all over town with a *****s brush...LOL The "king" is actually his last name in Spanish. Poor fool, he is more like the joker than the king. A king as a last name only, but a cuckold joke in a small town big hell of a place.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

What a deal for this crock pot...cracked pot.

He has two women! Any man's dream.

Fight with one, Ef the other. Switch days, switch women.

Wow!

Uh, Oh My..

What to do.

Simple.

Pull the plug on your washing machine.
That way the wash and rinse cycle stops working.

You get horny, you need you needs met? You are not alone in this. Every healthy women and man needs this.. Has this urge.
But they are choosier than you who gets THE HONOR.

Yes, the HONOR. Your body is YOURS to share and YOU decide who gets to play with it.

He is not worthy of that honor. He is so far from that privilege it is no longer funny or cute.

Get an official divorce from this smelly buzzard of a man and then get your rocks off. With another honorable person.

In the mean time, when horny, go masturbate in peace.


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## CantTakeAnymore (Aug 22, 2017)

Bibi1031 said:


> Looks like you have settled in a somewhat comfy niche!
> 
> What will happen if you send her recent pictures of the two of you in a position where it is obvious he is cake eating with you and her? Will she dump him, or agree to sharing like you have?
> 
> ...


I actually think she might be OK with the situation. If we were both OK with it and everyone's needs were being met here why is Polygamy looked at so negatively? I think he is in love with both of us at this point and we are both in love with him. But, I guess if she decides she doesn't like the fact that we talk daily and are screwing...too bad...she can leave...I was here first.

*I'm just an American white girl.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> ...In the mean time, when horny, go masturbate in peace.


BOB is a great friend that never cheats and is always ready if the batteries are still good. Doesn't even care to share with other BOBs either.:grin2:




CantTakeAnymore said:


> *I'm just an American white girl.



Well, surprise surprise. I didn't do what my race does but what your's does. You did what my race does. Crazy world for sure!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

The idea that you’re somehow OK with making just enough room in your life to accommodate the whims of a serial cheat that you’re unable to move on notwithstanding...

Want to find out how “OK” everyone is with the current arrangement?

_Move back into your house._

And not into the guest room, either — 

Back into the master bedroom.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> The idea that you’re somehow OK with making just enough room in your life to accommodate the whims of a serial cheat that you’re unable to move on notwithstanding...
> 
> Want to find out how “OK” everyone is with the current arrangement?
> 
> ...


Won't that be an harem instead of a queen of her castle? She wouldn't have the freedom she now possesses. I think she may be on to something here. Not a choice most of us would make, but not a terribly bad choice in my book. Different strokes for different folks...again, all pun intended! :nerd:


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## CantTakeAnymore (Aug 22, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> The idea that you’re somehow OK with making just enough room in your life to accommodate the whims of a serial cheat that you’re unable to move on notwithstanding...
> 
> Want to find out how “OK” everyone is with the current arrangement?
> 
> ...


I would do this except "home" is in a very small tight knit community where every one now knows that we are divorcing and he has a girlfriend. I personally just don't want to deal with explanations. Also, I am happy where I am. I have acreage and what was our vacation property. I have begun to make a life for myself here. If we were to be in a tri-relationship one couple has to be the "front" couple. Most people are less cool with seeing a man with a woman on each arm than they are homosexuals getting married. Just saying. It will all come out in the wash. She is just going to have to get brought into the loop. She's a good cook. I haven't had to cook since I left the house. Maybe we can work something out. She can cook I will clean?


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Move to Utah; they don't mind that arrangement over there.:wink2:


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Bibi1031 said:


> Move to Utah; they don't mind that arrangement over there.:wink2:


In fact, they even drink to it...


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

Hmmm - this husband-lite thing? Either the relationship you have with him is meeting your needs or it isn't. And if it isn't (and that won't change), wouldn't you rather invest time and energy in finding someone who wants you every day of the week? Who'll be there when you need him. It does seem to me that you are settling for the occasional takeaway rather than the possible gourmet feasts that may be out there. You know exactly who and what your (ex) husband is (and counselling is very unlikely to fix that). I get that the T-shirt is comfortable, but you've been there and done that.

No reason you shouldn't go shopping for new clothes...


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Weirdly enough it sounds like the one who has the hardest time with this triangle is your H. He has to pick a fight with whichever of you he's setting aside sexually for the moment so that he can cast his own choices as reactions instead of owning them. Any workable "poly" arrangement would have to dispense with that crap for sure.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

I used to know an old guy. He married a girl 24 years his junior. After 10 years she told him she wanted more sex and was looking for a boyfriend. He allowed her to look for and find another man. He moved both of them into another house on his property. The woman came over to clean, do the laundry, and cook for him. The OM did all his yard work and fixed anything that broke down. They stayed married and all were happy. But there were no secrets between them.

I did not know any of this until I was visiting one day and saw his wife working in the yard next door and asked him what she was doing over there.

This went on until the day he died. He left them the house that her and OM lived in and left the rest to his brother.


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## CantTakeAnymore (Aug 22, 2017)

Phil Anders said:


> Weirdly enough it sounds like the one who has the hardest time with this triangle is your H. He has to pick a fight with whichever of you he's setting aside sexually for the moment so that he can cast his own choices as reactions instead of owning them. Any workable "poly" arrangement would have to dispense with that crap for sure.


I agree with that. Personally we could all live and sleep together(I don't want to have sex with her,not into that) and I would be OK with it. He would be mighty warm in winter. But she would have to get on board and really...I just feel like we would have to hide so much of our lives.


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## CantTakeAnymore (Aug 22, 2017)

To those of you touting masturbation.....It is just not the same. There is not all of the physical contact, bonding, emotion, smell of the other person. It lacks for a lot!


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Stop sleeping with him


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

You have to get out of this toxic triangle. Situations like this happen more than you would think. Not at all proud of it but I found myself in your husband's shoes not too long ago. I had a wife and a mistress. I tried everything I could to get both of them to let me go. But neither of them would, it got to the point where they would have phone conversations about me with each other. Both would say they didn't want me, but they were only doing so to get the other one out of the picture. Currently I am alone which is for the best. I saw what it was doing to both of them, and even though the door is open for me to go in either direction. I know that both of them are better off without me, even though they don't think so right now. Go find someone that wants only you.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Haha.....you are bat **** crazy. One day you are gonna wakeup and slap yourself for being stupid...

Divorce him and you will love the freedom of not being his wife even more. Some really hot dude might come around and make your head spin.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@CantTakeAnymore And when he visits "friend" Number 3, and brings you both the present of an STD... my! How you two girls will be able to laugh and laugh about all his shenanigans! 

Or not.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

CantTakeAnymore said:


> I actually think she might be OK with the situation. If we were both OK with it and everyone's needs were being met here why is Polygamy looked at so negatively? I think he is in love with both of us at this point and we are both in love with him. But, I guess if she decides she doesn't like the fact that we talk daily and are screwing...too bad...she can leave...I was here first.
> 
> *I'm just an American white girl.


Where is your self respect?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The only thing your H really wants is just an open, unoccupied orifice!

Sad!*


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You seem to be CWI just fine. What's the problem?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think you should put a definite stop to his cake-eating.

Divorce him and find yourself a new, exciting FWB. Why keep your options so narrow? There's a whole world of great men out there.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

If you are happy to be in an open marriage and him treating you like **** that's your call.

However if you have some self worth and hate the situation you are in cut him off from sex and continue with Divorce


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

CantTakeAnymore said:


> Suspected hubby was having an affair starting sometime in June. We have been together for twenty years and he cheats in some form about every two years. He has a porn problem and likes massage parlors as well. Thing is that on all other fronts he is the perfect husband. We have been best friends in our day to day lives since we were 17 & 18. He just can't keep his willy in his pants. I have learned to live with that to keep the good. Well, I started getting emotionally abandoned in June, knew something was up and I left the house after I caught him lying about his whereabouts. For about three weeks he wouldn't even answer the phone for me. This has never happened before. He fed me a bunch of crap about my anger & jealousy and said he wanted us to both work on ourselves and com back together at some point. Then he would go out ever night and turn his phone off. Totally physical and emotional abandonment. I found out in Aug. that he had been in a relationship with a customer's wife. They thought that she might be pregnant. They were going to therapy and church together...wth?
> 
> I moved out permanently. Filed for divorce. Her husband and I have been working together on divorces. I have two grown children and one teen. They have two under age 7. After D-Day...hubby was talking about R before I ever filed for D. I was rightfully pissed and didn't care. At some point over the last few months I just stopped being angry. I just got more comfortable with the idea that they were going to be together. Hell, I planned to take her ex out after the D...lol (He is a nice Dr. with good morals & integrity). Anyway, I still work in conjunction with my husband. We run a business that we are partners in. I work from home in a city almost 2hrs from him. We have maintained a strange friendship where he calls me several times a day and we talk about her, me, us, her kids, her divorce. We get along better now that we don't live together. At first I just saw it as us maintaining a friendship to work/co-parent together. We have sent some sexually suggestive txts and he has come here to have sex with me twice. I'm a microwave...not a crock pot and I won't step outside the marriage. What can I say? I have needs. So, I think he has become more disenchanted with her and now he does not want a D. Wants me to hold out on signing. He is going to individual therapy and says he wants to figure out his core problem and fix it.
> 
> So, here is where we are as of today. He fights with her on Sunday comes here to have sex with me on Monday. Fights with me on Tuesday...spends the night with her Tuesday night. He calls me first thing this morning, tells me he loves me, calls me baby. I'm sure he probably had lunch with her. She has my crock pot & Kitchen Aid. I ate her zucchini bread. She relayed a thank you for use of my crock pot. Jokes are being thrown around about his city wife and his country wife. The reality is that I would be ok with the situation if I got more sex and didn't have to hide the fact that we are sleeping together and that he is spending time with me. I have become the other woman. The truth is that I don't have to deal with the marital bs anymore. I come and go as I please, set my own schedule, do as I wish. I still get the friendship...I just need more sex. I would be ok with it if she knew and I got at least every other weekend.Its so warped! And I know that I have gone Bat Sh*t crazy.



Divorce him and meet some other decent man who will be more than willing to give you all the sex you need as well as treat you with some respect and human decency. How can you let this sorry excuse of a WH lead you on like this, he is cake eating big time, cut that BS out of your life and move on.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Its incredibly sad that you will put up with such an awful man who treats you so terribly just because you want to have sex. Where is your self respect?


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