# wife acting friendly now, need advice?



## lostdad (Apr 2, 2011)

So I won't go into my whole story because frankly it sounds like a million other stories on this board, "love you not in love with you" discovery of affair blah blah blah, same old tale. 

So here's where i'm at. I've been doing the 180 for about 3-4 weeks now after I finally woke up from the pathetic heartbroken rut i was caught in. And I should say I haven't been really doing the 180 on purpose I just have genuinely wanted nothing to do with her the last few weeks, her and her family destroying affair disgust me and frankly I don't even want to look at her at this point. So up until very recently she's been extremely cold and distant, no contact at all except about our son or our work schedules to plan out who's going to be watching our son. But about a week and 1/2 ago that all changed. She has been texting me random questions out of the blue that have nothing to do with anything like the other day she asked me how many calories i thought were in dunkin doughnuts iced coffee. She's been randomly trying to joke with me via text. 2 months ago she flat out refused to do anything with me and my son when i asked her to for his sake. Now this past weekend she stayed out all night saturday night....a common occurrence, but then sunday she texts me and asks me to goto the park with her and our son. So I agreed since I had already told my son i'd take him to the park that afternoon. And at the park she's acting friendly she's trying to talk to me about movies (which is a passion of mine not hers). She decides we should take our son out for ice cream, she tried very hard to buy me ice cream at the ice cream place , she's talking and smiling. If she hadn't just spent the night out banging some other guy I would have thought she was trying to open the door to reconcile. 

So just when I finally start to become happy without her she pulls this crap. I dunno what she's up to or how I should react.
Do I just keep ignoring her like i had been doing? Should i be friendly back? And why is she being friendly in the first place? Why all of the sudden invite me to the park after months of wanting nothing to do with me? It makes no sense with the other guy still in the picture, why do anything at all with me? She's still talking about us moving out of our house and splitting finances and stuff so she clearly doesn't seem to want to get back together or anything, so why is she being so friendly all of the sudden?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I smell set up big time. Keep ignoring her and contact a lawyer.


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## lostdad (Apr 2, 2011)

Amplexor said:


> I smell set up big time. Keep ignoring her and contact a lawyer.


Maybe i'm an idiot, but setup for what? She made it clear about a month ago that she wanted a seperation or divorce, we haven't legalized it yet for financial reasons. So it's not like she's gonna take me by surprise there. 

I think I'm definitely going to error on the side of continuing to ignore her until I can figure out what she's up to.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Who knows but she's already betrayed your trust. Listen to that little voice, it's there for a reason. Keep it cordial but business like. Keep a journal of her actions. Staying out all night.....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She may not be setting you up, but at best softening you up. I mean she may be hoping if she's nice now that when the divorce comes and things start to get divided you maybe more inclined to let her get more things and not fight as much for certain issues.

If she is pissed at you...you are more likly to go all out, but if shes lovey dovey you may hold back on the punches and not take her to the cleaners.


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

Is she one of those people who can't stand it when someone doesn't like her? 

Maybe she wants her guilt to go away and being friends with you would do that for her?

Who cares, just smile and wave:moon:


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## lostdad (Apr 2, 2011)

Our finances are in such bad shape that there's really nothing to take each other to the cleaners for. So I don't think she's trying to keep me from going to all out warfare mode. If i took her for everything she's got I might end up with a cat....i never did like that cat though 

It could be a guilt thing, i know she's been struggling with guilt. I know she doesn't sleep at night anymore because I see the sleeping pills disappearing from the package on the counter.

I don't know if it's a can't stand me not liking her thing. I mean truthfully she's never had a lot of friends and she's never been very good at making friends. All of her good friends are people that were my friends first. Her best friend for example was a girl I grew up down the block from and was friends with for 10+ years before even meeting my wife. So i don't really know how she reacts to people not liking her, she's always been just very close to home so to speak, hanging out with me or one or 2 close friends.

She did say about a month ago that she misses my friendship terribly. But we never even tried to work on our marriage through counseling (she refused to go). Frankly I'm not interested in being friends after all is said and done. I like my friends to generally be people that don't lie to me and betray me. I'm going to be missing out on part of my sons childhood just because she had to go and get laid. She's destroyed my family, everything i've ever worked for and everything I ever wanted in the future. She's got to be insane if she thinks i'd want to be friends with her after she does that to me.


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## hanpet (May 4, 2011)

I know it's so hard to forgive after all she has done. But there might be something that she realized and try to fix things up. I suggest you try to convince her once again to go to a professional marriage therapist.
If she still refuse, just observe her for days or weeks. Any more changes to her actions (staying out all night,and more) might lead to something very good and save your marriage.


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## lostdad (Apr 2, 2011)

hanpet said:


> I know it's so hard to forgive after all she has done. But there might be something that she realized and try to fix things up. I suggest you try to convince her once again to go to a professional marriage therapist.
> If she still refuse, just observe her for days or weeks. Any more changes to her actions (staying out all night,and more) might lead to something very good and save your marriage.


The optimist in me wants to believe this. But she's still staying out all night and still talking as if we're on the path to divorce or separation (she flip flops on that). Can a cheating wife even start to try and reconnect while still being with the other man? Is that even possible? 

As for forgiveness, I don't know. My heart is pretty hardened right now, but if she came to me showing genuine remorse I don't honestly know how I'd react. She treated me pretty badly in the week following the death of my father (which happened right in the middle of all this), she didn't even call her mother in law to give her condolences, that's some hard stuff to forgive.


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