# Back from Iraq, wife is living in my house with new guy



## lostiniraq (Nov 5, 2009)

Hello,

Just from the title you would probably say its over, and I dont necessarily disagree with you. However, love is love. Before I deployed to Iraq I tried to be the best husband I could be. I have never cheated but our relationship had its ups and downs like everyone else. We have been married for 3 years. About half way through my deployment my wife had told me that she was done and my daughter (from another marriage) needed to find a new place to live. I was furioius to say the least. Being over there it was hard for me to deal with everything in a calm structured manner, as you can imagine. Since I have been back I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life. I have recently contacted her and everytime we talk we both cry and it is very difficult. I found it very hard to ask what happened or why because I am always afraid that it would hurt too much to know why. Now that it has been a few months since I have been home, I believe I am ready to deal with this. She had told me that the man she was with pursued her non stop while I was gone. She was also believing that I was unfaithful to her in Iraq. She has since let the car she kept be repossed and she relies on her new man to get to work and help pay the rent. All this sounds so crazy she is so dependant on him. I finally saw her a few days ago and it was extremely difficult for me, she said she was so sorry for hurting me and my child, she also asked if I was still in love with her. I told her yes and that I could not believe we were at the place we were at. She informed me that her new man checks her emails and phone texts kinda implying not to write her. She also said that everyone in her life told her that I was cheating on her. I tried to explain that our relationship was between us and not everyone else. So my question is this, is there anything to save? I have not filed for divorce yet because I still love her and need to deal with this before I can make a decision. I know I left alot of holes in this story but any help will help. ty


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## lostiniraq (Nov 5, 2009)

Not even one comment...anyone?


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

To me it sounds like she is playing both sides - she has a man right now - and it sounds like she's bringing you in from the reserves to catch her if he leaves (or she gets sick enough of his controlling behavior). She kicked your daughter out while you were off serving your country - she cheated on you while you were off serving your country - I'm not seeing any bright sides there. I don't care if she heard you were cheating - that doesn't give her the green light to go find a boyfriend of her own. Sounds like an excuse to justify what she did.

Its a 3 year marriage with no kids - cut your losses and get divorced. She doesn't respect you. She probably didn't realize how hard it would be married to a soldier who could get deployed for a year or more at a time and she found out she didn't like it.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

divorce her. She is worthless to you. If she could not be faithful while you were serving your country, she is simply a waste of your time. Find someone who will love only you.


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## taiwife (Nov 5, 2009)

You love her, no doubt about that, wait a little longer to see if she truely love you as you do, then decide the way forward. Be watchful and careful.


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## lostiniraq (Nov 5, 2009)

thank you for the replies...I am proud of myself that I was able to deal with this once I got home. It has been a few months and I am just now dealing with this emotionally. It is apparent that she does not want a relationship with me. Its funny, part of me just doesnt want to quit, I am so proud I feel that way. However, you can not force someone to love and respect you. I do forgive her, and wish things could of been different. I will be filing for divorce in the next few weeks. I so want to learn from this.


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## FLgirl (Nov 7, 2009)

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know being a military wife can be very difficult... I was a military wife for several years. My H was also in Iraq for a year... but there is NO excuse for her betrayal. I agree with the earlier post that she is making excuses for her discusting behavior. You did not deserve this (even if she really thought you were cheating). You did nothing to cause this and you could not have stopped her from doing this. In other words you did nothing wrong and she holds all the blame. Do not let her blame you or a simple issue of miscommunication for her terrable decisions. I am sure you will find love again. Truely she probably did you a favor. She showed her true colors before you had children. Do not waist any more time on her. Your true love is waiting once the time is right.


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## LoveTo (Nov 8, 2009)

Care for yourself and your daughter first. Be selfsih when the time is right.


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## LOVEASIANCHERRY (Nov 8, 2009)

Move on.


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## frozensprouts (Aug 1, 2009)

Hi
I am a military spouse, but in my situation the roles are reversed. my husband cheated before he left, and I am here while he is in Afghanistan and it's really horrible to be worrying about whether or not your spouse is being faithful to you and they are thousands of kilometers away. Mind you, this IN NO WAY EXCUSES HER BEHAVIOR!!!
I really feel for you and your daughter too. All I can recommend is that you find a good counselor and see if the two of you can honestly decide whether or not there is anything left to save- maybe there is, but she has to be honest with herself and decide that. I can see how horrible this is for you- you know your feelings, but you don't really know hers, and she's the one " in the drivers seat" right now.
Hang in there! nobody deserves to be cheated on. but if I have one piece of advice ( and I didn't get a chance to do this myself before my husband deployed) make sure that, if you two do decide to stay together, that you let her know exactly what she has put you through and that you may need some "extra reassurance"f or a while.
Best of luck to you and yours!


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