# Have access to his email!!



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I guessed his email password nad now have access. I didn't find much, but did find an email he sent to anohter woman back on Nov 6th. At this time we were talking everyday on the phone and text every night. He asked a woman out to dinner and a movie or to bowling, pool etc.

I didn't find anything from the woman he seemed to have a relationship with and I know he had sex with, but this one email and during the time frame incriminates him.

I'm all sorts of feelings now, since he was supposed to committed to me in November


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

do not confront or he will change his email

put a keylogger on his computer


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Too late, I sort of already did. I didn't say anything about his email account. I just said I didn't know he liked to play pool. Then I wanted to leave it at that, but he kept saying who said this. I just said no one, its nothing, but he kept up. He said something is on your mind...He just kept at it. Until I said the girls name and then part of what he emailed and then the date he emailed her. He said he didn't remember her at all. 

Now as it stands everything is off


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

put a keylogger on anyway. then u get the new password if it gets changed. And any new account. He said he doesn't remember? He is a liar. That is just an easy route to ending a conversation and questions.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Remains said:


> put a keylogger on anyway. then u get the new password if it gets changed. And any new account. He said he doesn't remember? He is a liar. That is just an easy route to ending a conversation and questions.


His computer is 800 miles away from me now. I have no idea how I would even go about putting a key logger on it. Would it even help me by constantly monitering him, ready for the next shoe to drop? 

From what I saw on his email, he hardly uses it at all. There was only 1 new email and none of the emails were about anything really. He has a strange obession with doing surveys and almost all the emails were survey related or complete junk.

I found that one email that was incriminating him. I'm sure he remembers her or he would not have made a huge deal out of it tonight. The email was dated Nov 6th and that was the time that I took the restraining order off him. 

Because of me mentioning that someone sent me a copy of his email to me (which is not the way i came out with it at all. He beat it all out of me, figurativly speaking) he went on a texting rampage all night long.

He said I knew you didn't trust me.

Heres some of his screwed up texts "so I guess in ur ***ed up family. U show luv by busting a guys balls & making him feel worthless & small"
"it doesn't matter if I say I luv u, U dont & won't believe me 
Here it is JULY & u still don't believe me or believe in me
I guess u can stay in the states and drive ur precious van & I'll go do what a good ***** does & work!"


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I think u just said it with the 'I'm sure he wdn't have made a big deal about it'. He knew exactly what u were on about and wanted to know how much u knew. He was desperate to know all, and then when he knows all he says he can't remember! As soon as he found out he dropped it? And then laid into u. Well, that sounds like defensive behaviour to me. If he had nothing to defend he wouldn't be so angry IMO. 

As for constantly monitoring him, it would only help u if u are staying with him. If u r not waiting for the 'next shoe to drop' then no, there is no point monitoring him.

I think defensiveness is the key to if anything is being hidden. If u are not attacking him or throwing accusations all the time, the defense is unreasonable.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Remains said:


> I think u just said it with the 'I'm sure he wdn't have made a big deal about it'. He knew exactly what u were on about and wanted to know how much u knew. He was desperate to know all, and then when he knows all he says he can't remember! As soon as he found out he dropped it? And then laid into u. Well, that sounds like defensive behaviour to me. If he had nothing to defend he wouldn't be so angry IMO.
> 
> As for constantly monitoring him, it would only help u if u are staying with him. If u r not waiting for the 'next shoe to drop' then no, there is no point monitoring him.
> 
> I think defensiveness is the key to if anything is being hidden. If u are not attacking him or throwing accusations all the time, the defense is unreasonable.


I have a feeling that woman works in a sports bar or something because he said in the email about him being her favorite customer. 

I won't be able to monitor him since I can't be with him.

I now know he is such a flirt and he can easily pick up women anywhere. I wish he would flirt with me that way. Its kind of hard to do 800 miles away though. 

Now because of tonihgt he said in one text " I'm hurt, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm pissed
So obviously u don't really readwhat I txt when I tell u my feelings
Should be suprised, but I'm not 
Cause u never listen"

All that is from my finding that email.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Defesiveness, attacking u, anger at u, over something wrong he has done...usually means very very guilty of what he is being accused of.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You should go dark on him. Forget about driving up for your anniversary.

Or, investigate keyloggers and take one with you to put on his computer. Although the way he acts, I wouldn't even bother. There's no way I'd reconcile with someone who acted the way your husband does.


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## Readytogo (Jul 11, 2012)

ummm...restraining order lifted? Get out of that relationship.
end it fast. You deserve better!
Dont waist your time and money on a Keylogger. 
He's defensive for a reason. there's your sign.


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

Yup. He's putting it on you. Making it your fault. "Where there's smoke, there's fire" -- Uncle Remus

He's pissed you're digging. They act that way cuz they hope it'll stop you from doing more. Like it's really gonna scare you off, right? 

Not worth the drive.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Whether he is up to something or not is not really the issue. The fact that you found an email proving that he was at the very least less than forthcoming and he reacted with anger and defensiveness instead of compassion and understanding tells me all I need to know about his level of remorse. He is not ready to resume a meaningful relationship with you or anyone else. He is still acting from selfishness and manipulation.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I was suprised that he even text "morning " to me this morning then half hour later "luv u" I did text back "morning" to him 15 min after he text, but I idn't repond to his "Luv U" I want him to start being remorseful and being afraid that I might just stop loving him. All day hes been pretty needy. Hesw at work from 5-3:30 and hes been texting more than usual and most time I've been unable to respond because of Driving, kids dr appt or me sleeping. So the less contact from me has been having an effect on him.

His previous cheating with the 1 crazy girl I knew about and thought was the only one, he had lessened his guilt by telling me it started during our seperation when we were headed for divorce. This time though he can not say that.

I only slightly had a chance to tell him anything I feel, but so far none of it looks like he gets it from his replys. I said "I thought you were committed to me at that time, so thats why I'm very upset"

He came back with "well I thought we were ok cause I was going to counseling b4 I was kicked out"

So that makes no sense, he just wants to think of his own feelings of that he was still hurt of something from me kicking him out of the house. He is still going on about that and its almost been a year!!!


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Beowulf said:


> Whether he is up to something or not is not really the issue. The fact that you found an email proving that he was at the very least less than forthcoming and he reacted with anger and defensiveness instead of compassion and understanding tells me all I need to know about his level of remorse. He is not ready to resume a meaningful relationship with you or anyone else. He is still acting from selfishness and manipulation.


Your right. I wish he was remorseful, he would make me feel like he wouldn't do it again. NOw today he is wanting to talk about his feelings, hes never been so needy at work before. he was at lunch and he sent a couple texts that I didn't respond to because I was asleep. Then he sent a text " so u r ignoring me, even when I'm trying to communicate
Thats y I don't tell u any of what I feel"

Then after that he sent a text in a different mood " I was thinking that I wish u were down here cause there is a tattoo convention here this weekend"

Then he reverted back to being angry and defensive because I only said "oh" to his texts...I was half asleep and did have enough time to soak in what he had said.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Good grief, it sounds exhausting, all that bullsh!t. Why don't you just IGNORE him? He's playing head games with you.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

Is he doing this because all he has to do is send a few "i luv u" texts or act like he cares for a day or so and you're back to believing in him again?

This back and forth and all this drama seems rather pointless. Only you can put an end to end by setting some firm boundaries.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

I meant to say type an "end to this" but I'm sure you know what I mean.

There have been quite a few threads from you in the last two days and you seem to be going in circles. I don't think it's accomplishing much and I don't think it's helping your R. I think it might be time to start taking some advice instead of just venting as at this point it sounds like you need solutions or you're going to drive yourself crazy with worry.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Zanna said:


> I meant to say type an "end to this" but I'm sure you know what I mean.
> 
> There have been quite a few threads from you in the last two days and you seem to be going in circles. I don't think it's accomplishing much and I don't think it's helping your R. I think it might be time to start taking some advice instead of just venting as at this point it sounds like you need solutions or you're going to drive yourself crazy with worry.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

PLEASE start listening to the people of TAM!


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

This horse I'm beating was dead like two weeks ago:

Drop this POS, undeserving, false R having, empathy lacking, rug sweeping, "just get over it already," blame shifting, remorseless, narcissistic, poor excuse for a man, like a bad habit. Take care of yourself. Get to a good place physically and mentally. Serve him the D papers, and find a man that will love you properly, like an adult. You deserve no less. He is the worst kind of man there is. Attacking you because his pride wont let him be humble and own his betrayal. You dont need him, you can do better.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> Good grief, it sounds exhausting, all that bullsh!t. Why don't you just IGNORE him? He's playing head games with you.


Yes He does and its exausting too!!

We ended up having better commucation later on. I was able to express to him with me now knowing he was loking at several girls, I really feel like I was the back up plan. I never been able to see any remorse from him, but this time I think I might have. 

He still did say that he did nothing wrong because we were not together. Jesus! We were in reconsilation and he was at the family home often.I told my husband that he emailed this girl Nov 6th and 4 days later I was with him when he got his autism tattoo.

My husband wants to go to marraige counseling. I talked to our current counselor who knows about the 1 affair he had...she was unwilling to counsel us with my husnand in AZ on facetime. So I talked to my husband about going to our previous marriage counselor. Hes in agreement of going to her. I have emailed her asking if she could counsel us again and if she would be willing to do it with my husband on facetime. I hope she is willing. Shes a real good counselor and I think will make my husband really see what he did was wrong.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

blueskies30 said:


> He still did say that he did nothing wrong because we were not together.



<sigh> I really do hope for the best in your case, but it seems you are content seeing the situation through your own filter. Maybe its because you dont think anyone else will want to be with a woman who has three special needs children, but I guarantee, there is a better man out there for you. Make sure that when/if you got to MC, he totally owns what he did, if he refuses, your marriage will fail later down the line.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Paladin said:


> <sigh> I really do hope for the best in your case, but it seems you are content seeing the situation through your own filter. Maybe its because you dont think anyone else will want to be with a woman who has three special needs children, but I guarantee, there is a better man out there for you. Make sure that when/if you got to MC, he totally owns what he did, if he refuses, your marriage will fail later down the line.


I really do agree with you....I have no proof that he is doing anything like infedilty now though. My mother in law is in agreement that I may need to get away from him. My father in law however says this latest dirt I found on my husband happened over 8 months ago, so I should not get myself totally worked up about it. That if hes doing it now than thats a different story. 

I'm hoping our previous marriage counselor will help us. I'm sure there is little hope if she can't. 

My husband and I were doing pretty good before he left to work out of state. 
I know its pothering my husband greatly that I don't trust him, hopefully the counseling can let him know the steps to increase trust after infedility. She will also set him straight on infedility and keep him from saying he did nothing wrong. Hes admitting a couple times in the begining that he betrayed me in the worst possible way, so he knows he did cheat, he already had admitted it. 

Even though its cheating....if I file divorce on my husband I will start dating right away.


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## charnettcooper (Jul 14, 2012)

blueskies30 said:


> I guessed his email password nad now have access. I didn't find much, but did find an email he sent to anohter woman back on Nov 6th. At this time we were talking everyday on the phone and text every night. He asked a woman out to dinner and a movie or to bowling, pool etc.
> 
> I didn't find anything from the woman he seemed to have a relationship with and I know he had sex with, but this one email and during the time frame incriminates him.
> 
> I'm all sorts of feelings now, since he was supposed to committed to me in November


I know how you feel. I went through my husbands email and I found emails he sent to other women and it bothers me that he did that. I guess what the emails were about and what he was saying really hurt my feelings.. Am I over reacting?


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Charnett, please start your own thread.We'll be able to help you better.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

charnettcooper said:


> I know how you feel. I went through my husbands email and I found emails he sent to other women and it bothers me that he did that. I guess what the emails were about and what he was saying really hurt my feelings.. Am I over reacting?


I don't know about your situation, but since my husband knows I know about somehtng he tried to do during the time he was trying to reconsile we are both acting really weird.

He wants really badly for me to trust him and I think he wants this all to magically go away sicne he has not done anyhting wrong since he moved back in. He already for weeks has been saying I don't trust him. I don't trust him and its killing me that I don't. I want to be able to just live a happy life taking care of our children while hes out of state working. We were really happy before he left. As far as the trust building. I have just contacted a marriage counselor that we have previously gone too that is willing to work with us with me there and my husband live on Iphone.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> Good grief, it sounds exhausting, all that bullsh!t. Why don't you just IGNORE him? He's playing head games with you.



Yea, too much drama to be a mature, loving relationship.

Cut the shet and just stop it.

He shouldn't "change" because he's scared to lose you. He should want to be a decent man because he's your husband.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

that_girl said:


> Yea, too much drama to be a mature, loving relationship.
> 
> Cut the shet and just stop it.
> 
> He shouldn't "change" because he's scared to lose you. He should want to be a decent man because he's your husband.


We had made great great progress before he left to go to work. We were actaully together like 24/7 for 6 months. Even if we were in the same house and I disappeared upstairs for a while he would text me (yes I carry my phone with me) and ask "hay babe watcha doing?" or "Where you at?"

We were very very happy. I felt like I had the husband that I always had wanted. I read the book The 5 Love Languages and I think I was speaking his Love Language and in return he was speaking mine too

The distance is triggering me majorly and I know its triggering him. Hes taveled in the past and it was never this hard.

I may have found evidance in his email of what he tried to do with another girl in the early stages of our reconsilation, but I didn't find anything else. I searched thourally.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

So you can't be in a happy marriage unless you are together 24/7?

I'm sorry, this whole situation is just bad.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its funny when the wayward..during an R starts to spout off with the "you don't trust me" line.

I mean really

In my case I told Mrs. the_guy that this was the price to keep her marriage... " we wouldn't even be having this discussion if you handled our unhealthy marriage in a better way.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

that_girl said:


> So you can't be in a happy marriage unless you are together 24/7?
> 
> I'm sorry, this whole situation is just bad.


Thats really not what I mean....Just mean that we were very happy even though we were together 24/7. he was laid off 30 days after he moved back home. Thats why we were togethr 24/7. Everything just seems bad timing. 

I'm driving out to visit him Aug 7 or 8th. Hes expecting me on the 8th even though he wanted me to come on the 9th.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Blueskies...I cannot believe what I am reading. He is doing all the classic childish guilt defense/attack bullsh*t...it was lie reading u talking about my man. I believe he will say all the right things to keep u - the defense, anger, abuse...followed by the 'morning' and 'I love u' the nxt morning as if nothing happened. Testing the water, hoping u will just forget it and move on, hoping he doesn't have to address his latest misdemeanor. Saying any old almost believable bullsh*t to make u doubt your own feelings and thoughts on the subject. As soon as the issues are brushed under the carpet he will revert back to type and stop making all the effort he does to bring u back round again. Hope 1964 is absolutely correct. He is playing games with u, messing with your head. He is probably only barely aware of it himself...this is how he operates. Your head will be a permanent mess with this man. How is your head now? A mess? Is he helping? No? So get out and stop torturing yourself with something u will never get and never change.

If u visit him in August (don't go) then make sure u get something on that computer to monitor his activity. It will confirm very quickly his true intentions and is the only way u will get the answers u crave and need.


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