# oh the things I do for women...



## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

not a bashing thread or anything but im going through yet another tough time. I just need some support, talk.

ive always been put down by women for one reason or another and I never get a chance. I always go all out, spending money i.e for travelling or dinner or whatever but get nothing in return. It's a long story but lets not get into that.

This one does take the biscuit.

I lost $4000 on this person I thought I was going to see but only somewhat broke up the whole thing yesterday/day before and pretty down about it as I thought for the first time someone actually wanted me and stuff. it was really good - that feeling. we spoke almost everyday on skype for the past 2 months. she was excited that I was going to see her in 2 weeks from now.

i just dont know how to feel and I do feel down and upset about it in addition to losing that money! Tickets are non refundable. just when you think you can trust someone or at least know them resaonably.... wrong.

i may not even make sense here. she just was a hypocrite and lied about a few things which I then found out about. she tried to shout at me for no real reason, causing drama and making me feel very small and spoken to like a child - I just dont appreciate that at all. no matter what I said, nothing would go through to her. yes she was great looking and an American (im not america but from europe) - love americans. but she really did put a damper on me.

the things I do for women - its laughable 
no matter what I do, i always get controlled or always some excuse/some drama over here where I am. but this was really the first person I truely connected with and can talk to about anything and freely and be just "nice" you know? you would get that warm feeling rather than typical attitude from people where I live who play games and have this attitude and think that even a single peck on the cheek is "too much" - literally.

but anyway im just really down and ive been through alot in life and have been feeling pretty low in the past few months for one reason or another. then I had this shining light...and now it has burned out, and also down the plane fare tickets.....
im a passionate person and a romantic to some extent and would do anything for a person you know? Commitment is my thing....

anyway i will stop rambling. i feel silly and.... i dunno. just lost. 
of course im sensible and intelligent and i do things bit by bit and so on.... and it had lead to this. of course 2 people have to meet in person and me being the man, make the effort to do so.

i do question alot of things in general to be honest. i just hope someone sees where I am coming from here.

I am human, I do have REAL emotions and feelings... not a robot.... like so many are these days and say the cliche's which really dont help or make much sense.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

We teach people how to treat us and no one can do anything to us that we don't permit. If you're ending up controlled by a string of women, the common denominator must be you. They will treat you better when you treat you better. Maybe you don't believe you deserve to be treated with respect. Maybe you have convinced yourself that you are unlovable and that you must do something to earn a woman's attention.


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

thanks.

its difficult to explain.... its got nothing to do with me. i know how to improve myself and have done whatever i can. the point im getting at is..damned if you do, damned if you dont.

women say they want this that and th other...i do it...and still the same. if you dont do it...they dont wanna know. at least i tried and an honest effort at that.

im saying i cannot believe someone would do this to me, spending all that money to see them you know? doing all i can because a man has to do all the work...the chasing...you name it.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

How old are you?
Have you ever been in a real relationship??
Are you popular with girls or you're quite the opposite?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

double post.


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

thanks.

im 30 but its not about age. im getting older. popular with girls? not sure - probably not because im not "sexy". i wasnt trying to impress with money at all but the effort here....it costs to travel. money doesnt grow on trees either. im just saying i always do everything and make an effort but always let down because there is someone else or they are controlling and like i said before i dont stand with such people.i dont sleep around either and keep myself to myself

im just a guy looking for a decent girl. its simple but too much crap these days.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

4000 is a lot were they asking you to send them money


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

no not at all. it was money for the airfare - I was paying for myself to travel there.
over the months and years always spent money on dating sites and got nothing out of them at all. just wasted money. time and time again one let down to the next. And when I thought there was a glimmer of hope.... bang, gone once again. I know im not the one at fault here, anyone can see that. even my friends, who are always critical as I tell them to be, say the same thing.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

where is the plane ticket too. you might as well take the trip and enjoy yourself


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Lost, look at your OP. You ALWAYS go all out. You ALWAYS get zilch in return. ALWAYS get controlled, ALWAYS get some lame excuse. Women don't have a club where they meet and discuss ways to make your life miserable. If you're getting the same result from a variety of women, there's something wrong with you. Apparently, you are setting yourself up for failure in your selection process.


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

Thanks Tigger.
I agree with you. The problem is I would then need to spend more money for hotels and I wouldnt know anyone. And I would probably still feel "odd" and may even think about her... so best not going since I wouldnt enjoy it.

it was to Chicago from london.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

lostandfound2012 said:


> thanks.
> 
> im 30 but its not about age. im getting older. popular with girls? not sure - probably not because im not "sexy". .


Well, not all girls are the same and as a result not all them like "sexy" guys as you would call them.
I'm sure there are a lot of girls who are more attracted to CONFIDENT guy rather than the "sexy" ones. 
Sounds like confidence is missing in you and you try to compensate it by spending _money_ on girls. That's not how it's supposed to work for a 30 year old guy. 
If you can't make your woman like you for WHO YOU ARE and JUST THE WAY YOU ARE then money means nothing.


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

thanks "unbelievable". i think you are quick to judge...and dont really know the full facts or me at all and are very quick to dismiss and say there is a problem with me when there is not at all. sorry i cant be "hot" or "sexy" or "attractive" for these women but thats life. we are born how we are born and you completely missed the original post altogether.


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## lostandfound2012 (Apr 23, 2012)

lovelygirl: Thanks. I know what you mean but things cost in life. its not free. as a guy I have to travel, I have to pay for dinner or whatever.... 
i know how to act with my age. I have always been sensible and mature for my age since I was in my teens. so please dont be judgemental. 
i lack confidence? yes - only because I get put down all the time. confidence doesnt grow on trees or you cant buy it.... so please, dont try to make it my fault when i am telling you HOW it is... not what you think it is. im telling you how it is in reality and what happens to ME - not you.

i sense that I was wrong to post here in the first place. I get nothing but put down and no support then you say im the one with the problem when im not.

i thought this was meant to be a supportive and understanding place but clearly not. its ok for people to judge... then you wonder why there are less people these days who are "confident" as you put or or are "decent".

the things I do... just never good enough.

thanks for your support (any decent and sensible human who has intelligence can see that this was not the case)
once again... put down and dismissed by women. sorry but you make it like this, not me AT ALL. of course im going to feel like this if you make it like this. jeez.

i wasnt the one being "bad" or "nasty" at all. just innocently posting how it is...and then i get this nonsense. ok.. i get it. i get how it is. all confirmed my thoughts


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

troll.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

lostandfound:

Have you tried 'cutting your losses' on this trip by advertising the plane tickets for sale? You can sell them on the internet or in a newspaper ad and recoup SOME of your money. Even if you only get 50% of what YOU paid for them, you would get SOMETHING back out of it. Something is better than getting nothing and throwing the tickets in the trash.

You should consider coming to Chicago anyway! It is one of my FAVORITE cities here in the US. They have a FABULOUS art museum, FABULOUS aquarium, Navy Pier (an outdoor amusement center right on Lake Michigan), two baseball teams (you'll meet a ton of fun people - guys & women - at a baseball game), zoos, gardens, terrific restaurants, nightclubs, outdoor cafes, horse-drawn carriage tours, skyscrapers, old architecture, shopping, people-watching. I wish I was there right now!

If you're not going to come to Chicago, try to mitigate your financial losses as best you can.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

lostandfound2012 said:


> we spoke almost everyday on skype for the past 2 months. she was excited that I was going to see her in 2 weeks from now.
> 
> ....she just was a hypocrite and_* lied about a few things *_which I then found out about. she tried to _*shout at me for no real reason*_, causing drama and making me feel very small and spoken to like a child - I just dont appreciate that at all. no matter what I said, nothing would go through to her.


Lostandfound, With respect to your initial post.. what exactly did she lie about? And what exactly did she shout at you about? There is not much information on what happened that caused you to break up. Did you break up with her or did she break up with you?



lostandfound2012 said:


> I lost $_*4000 *_on this person I thought I was going to see ..
> 
> ...it was _*money for the airfare*_ - I was paying for myself to travel there.
> 
> ..it was to _*Chicago from london*_.


Also, Other than the air ticket you purchased did you loose any more money due to this girl? Round trip air fare from London to Chicago 2 weeks from now is around $1000, at the max should not be more than *$1500*, (unless you plan to travel business class). Had you also booked your stay at the hotels? If so, were they non-refundable as well? The math doesn't seem to add up... Are you aggregating the fees you paid for all the dating sites that you signed up for so far to come up with the $4000 figure that you say you lost due to this girl from Chicago?


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

lostandfound2012 said:


> im just a guy looking for a decent girl. its simple but too much crap these days.


When looking for a girlfriend, I only had 2 requirements
1 - not crazy
2 - is motivated

I tend to let math and statistics guide my decisions, so I was betting on the odds. I'm a pretty average person, so I should aim for the average. It turns out the average is a lot lower than I thought it was. My idea of the "average" woman is more like the top 10% of women. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world because the woman I found meets those 2 simple requirements. 

I wonder if women experience a similar problem. Just set up a simple standard of 
1 - not crazy
2 - has a job


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Sounds like you are not choosing very well. How about trying someone who is not your usual type?

Also, take the trip -- plenty to do in London! You might even meet someone...


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

You have a screaming case of "nice guy syndrome".

Start here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Read the links. all of them.

Get Dr. Glover's book "No more Mr Nice Guy".

Stop being a doormat and get your coconuts back.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Didn't catch which city you're in, but last time I checked, neither Chicago or London had a shortage of women... The Internet may be great for lots of things, but unless you can travel affordably (to you), you may want to stay local.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AbsolutelyFree (Jan 28, 2011)

Was she travelling to you, or vice versa? Can you at least have a nice vacation if the tickets are non refundable?


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

lostandfound2012 said:


> i know how to improve myself and have done whatever i can. the point im getting at is..damned if you do, damned if you dont.


Have you actually "don't" before. It almost sounds like you try too hard.



> women say they want this that and th other...i do it...and still the same. if you dont do it...they dont wanna know. at least i tried and an honest effort at that.


Women in general are idealist, they tend to think they want one thing and yet are attracted to something else (and many are in denial about it). I'm not saying it’s bad, men do it to, it’s that there is a biological element to attraction that many people want to believe they are not motivated by.



> im saying i cannot believe someone would do this to me, spending all that money to see them you know? doing all i can because a man has to do all the work...the chasing...you name it.


There’s a saying, treat someone like a King/Queen and they will treat you like the servant you become.
Sometimes you don’t chase them, you make them chase you. Women like a challenge, the easier you are, the less interesting you are. Keep that in mind.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

why on earth do you need to find a chick in the US when you live in London???? There's women everywhere, it's not like you live in the sticks!!!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

lost,

You're obviously a "pleaser". What I see typically happens to pleasers is that people take advantage of them more often than not. I know because my wife is an admitted pleaser and a volunteer for a number of organizations. Other volunteers often agree to do a certain task and then fail to do it, leaving my wife to pick-up the pieces.

Not to insult you but have you considered some individual counseling to see why you are this way?


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