# Looking for some advice



## Tiger86 (Apr 29, 2013)

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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

So... umm... married 3 years... and youve been with eight other women? Why exactly are you married? Was it some sort of political power thing? Is she rich? You dont have a marriage, you have a live in housekeeper that occasionally lets you have sex with her. You dont respect or love her, so why bother? Just file for divorce, let her go back to India and find happiness with a person who will treat her like... well.. like a human being..


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## Tiger86 (Apr 29, 2013)

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## Tiger86 (Apr 29, 2013)

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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

There is never a "reason" to cheat. Regardless of the repercussions of D, you owe it to your W and to yourself to do the right thing. 

Confess to your wife. Let her decide the fate of your marriage. Perhaps she has quietly known about your behavior all along and THAT is why she does not wish to be intimate with you. "It is what it is" doesn't sound as if you feel any remorse for your behavior at all, or even concerned that your wife may be shattered to find out what you've been up to. But, if you are not happy in your marriage and the stakes are high for both your families, perhaps you should tell your parents and your in-laws how you feel and how you've been coping with your unhappiness. They may decide your behavior is not worth the risk to family honor and give you a ticket to freedom.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

I dont know much about "arranged marriages" but as stated above, maybe she knows, or has an idea. Maybe she doesnt really care because she lives here, rather than India? I dont know, Im just trying to figure it out in my own mind.

I think you owe it to your wife to tell her, you also need to tell your parents no matter what damage that will cause. You dont need to be in a marriage if you cant be committed and if you intend to be committed to her from this point forward she needs to know what you have done and choose for herself what makes HER happy!


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## Tiger86 (Apr 29, 2013)

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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

Its amazing to me that you continue to look for ways to justify and excuse your deplorable behavior. You want to find ways to be closer to your wife? Try telling the truth. You can not have a relationship built on lies. You don't want to hurt her? Wake up, you've already done that, on many, many occasions. You say you are not a bad person, I disagree, from the way this reads, you certainly are just that. You would be willing to divorce your wife and send her packing because you are afraid of what people will think of you and what telling the truth will do to your family. You should have thought about that when "it just happened" over and over and over again. Grow up, learn to be a man, accept responsibility for what you did. Anything short of that will simply prove that you are a coward, and a shallow one at that.


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

Post deleted by moderator.

User warned.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Tiger86 said:


> I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of confessing, and I'd rather try to approach this from a different angle. I can't confess and I think at that point, its better to push for divorce rather than come clean and hurt her, embarrass my family, and just cause a lot of drama.
> 
> I'm fairly sure she doesn't know. Believe me, its bothered me a lot of why she isn't interested. It does a number on your self-confidence, but it was like this before and after the cheating. And I've been told I'm an attractive person, so I don't think its that. I don't know and I don't get it. Maybe she is asexual? I suspect she would care because she is a very traditional person.
> 
> If there is any advice on how to better connect with her, I'd be very eager to hear it. I don't know how we can develop that bond. Its just difficult... sometimes I feel closer to other women who I've known for a couple weeks more than I do to her. Its not that she is a bad person or I am a bad person... I just think its tough situation.


Be a *man* and confess to your wife! At this point, it doesn't really matter if your marriage was arranged or not. You made a promise, you broke it, you need to step up to the plate and own what you did. It's going to be embarrassing for you but you deserve it!


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## Tiger86 (Apr 29, 2013)

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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Tiger86 said:


> Is there a delete function on this site?
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the advice. I'm not ready to talk about this all right now, but appreciate the time/effort.


You can't hide from the truth.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Secon time today. Coincidence? I think not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> Secon time today. Coincidence? I think not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What do you mean - was he a troll? :scratchhead:


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

The other guy came in here with a good story...then - poof...he said the same thing: (changing voice to that of the other OP) - well, I came here to post what people should do not take advice, therefore I'm gonna delete my post and thread. 

But - I will not "call" someone a troll cuz that's like against the rules and I've been permanently banned TWICE already.


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> The other guy came in here with a good story...then - poof...he said the same thing: (changing voice to that of the other OP) - well, I came here to post what people should do not take advice, therefore I'm gonna delete my post and thread.
> 
> But - I will not "call" someone a troll cuz that's like against the rules and I've been permanently banned TWICE already.


Being permanently banned once and still being here is cool ... but twice? That's awesome! :smthumbup:

Thx


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

PastOM said:


> Being permanently banned once and still being here is cool ... but twice? That's awesome! :smthumbup:
> 
> Thx


Shhh...my celebrity is supposed to be undocumented.

But thanks...lol

Hey, OP ~ seriously, why would you make a huge dramatic post only to decide to delete it? I mean, there aren't enough threads that serve to poke at these topics that you've brought up and I think it'd be a disservice to deny the TAM membership and the thousands of guests this dialogue.


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## Tiger86 (Apr 29, 2013)

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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Tiger, I don't know much about Indian culture, but back when Europe had arranged marriages, there was no expectation of actual male monogamy aside from the legalities. Wasn't India traditionally a polygynous society? And didn't men have the freedom of their servants, harem, etc traditionally?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Wife needs to know and get tested for STDs if you were man enough to cheat you should be man enough to confess to her. You are taking away her right to be happy and you have put her at great risks regarding her health. She does not deserve what you did, the only way to make it up is confessing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Tiger86 said:


> Sending you a PM, SomedayDig


I'm more of a morning person, but thanks anyways - I don't accept gifts from strangers on the internet.

See, your discomfort with telling her about all of your cheating and blaming it on hurting her, embarassing your family and creating drama is pure and simple fear. You're afraid of the consequences of your actions. That's dishonorable, in my opinion and shows not only immaturity, but a bit of cowardice.

You're able to leave your wife at home or whatever and go have sex with a bunch of other women simply by projecting this: "maybe she's asexual" idea out there and saying she's "disinterested".

There are only two words I can think to tell you, but instead I'll say these two - Grow Up.


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## Tiger86 (Apr 29, 2013)

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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You actually don't want advice, you seem to want someone to tell you what you want to hear. Unfortunately no one is going to do that because what you are doing is wrong. You need to tell your wife that's the honorable thing to do, the right thing. You are putting her on serous risk by not doing so. Do some research on STDs, for woman some of them can give you cancer besides what the virus does to males. Man up and tell her, I'm sure you want to do the right thing but you are just scared to. You should have thought about that before you cheated. Time to face the consequences, if you feel anything for her you will do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

PastOM said:


> Post deleted by moderator.
> 
> User permanently banned.


Have I been banned? I've not been notified!

If so - nice participating with you all ....


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

PastOM said:


> Have I been banned? I've not been notified!
> 
> If so - nice participating with you all ....


You were mostly banned ...

Please keep the forum guidelines in mind folks. You can voice your disagreement with what someone has to say, or call them on their issues.

Don't project, don't make it personal, don't lose your cool.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Deejo said:


> You were mostly banned ...
> 
> Please keep the forum guidelines in mind folks. You can voice your disagreement with what someone has to say, or call them on their issues.
> 
> Don't project, don't make it personal, don't lose your cool.


All of a sudden I'm thinking of Deejo playing the role of Miracle Max in 'Princess Bride'...He's _mostly_ dead.

Ooops...gotta keep with guidelines against threadjacking...

Umm - so...Hey, OP - Did you even know this girl before the marriage was arranged? Like did you grow up together like Raj and that girl on 'Big Bang Theory'?


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