# Don't want to feel like this



## Rachel24 (Jul 26, 2015)

This is my first time posting, not sure how long this post should be. My husband and I have been married for 14 years, we have a pretty good relationship. But I think we fight a lot. When we fight we don't talk to each other for weeks afterward. I am having hard time bringing up an issue that has been bothering me for few months now. I don't feel comfortable with him going to a hooter sport bar. I think it's disrespectful towards women and towards me. I simply don't want him staring at other women's boobs. I know if I bring up this topic, he'll say I can't tell him what to do and he will just go more often. If someone has some suggestions, please help. Thank you


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You fight a lot and don't talk for weeks afterward. That would suggest that you don't talk much. You don't feel comfortable telling him you don't like him going to a hooter sport bar because it will cause and argument and he'll go more often. That also suggests you both don't talk to each other much.

What exactly is it about your relationship that you find is "pretty good"? Might help to have a little balance here.

Also, how often is he going to the bar and how long has this been going on? Have you ever discussed it previously?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Well...

First, don't "Tell him" you don't want him to go to Hooter bar.
Instead, maybe explain that when you go to the hooter bar, I feel that you're not attracted to me anymore. I don't think I can compare with the attractive breasts offered for display there. It makes me feel awful that you want to watch that so much... ... 

Maybe that will open up a discussion.. Instead of accusing him of going there just to watch the titties, ask him why he goes there.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Chelle D said:


> .. Instead of accusing him of going there just to watch the titties, ask him why he goes there.


Probably also for the legs and ass.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Probably also for the legs and ass.



It's the wings!


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Yep, it's the wings. That why everyone goes there.

Why do you guys wait so long to speak after a fight? 

You have to decide, do you want to fight and stay separate or would you rather be together and have fun. Rethink how you speak to each other, are you attacking and accusing. Or are you softer and creating a discussion and a conversation. Learn how to speak to each other with love, kindness and respect.

You might hate him going to hooters but instead of yelling at him and making accusations, try to get a discussion going on the why he goes there. Is the wings really better there? 

Then, after you are in your discussion, you can tell how you feel that hooters is disrespectful to women. That by going there you feel that he is disrespecting you. You are trying to make him understand how you feel. This has to be you persuading him to understand your side of the issue. Or whatever other topic you are discussing. 

Good luck. They have great wings and the girls are really nice. It's their job, they have to earn a buck too.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I've never been there but I wouldn't complain if my wife got one of their t shirts to wear.


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

It seems that you both need to work on the communication as you have difficulty communicating with each other without a fight that lasts for weeks.

How do fights sually happen? How do you or him react? Do things escalate quickly? How aggressive or passive each of you is? Do you have empathy for each other's feelings?

One of the things we can do is to express how we feel towards a situation instead of stating an accusation or assumption - start saying "I feel ..." instead of "You are ..." can help.

Also, saying things in a non alarming tone can make the other person feel less defensive or negative, therefore more willing to listen.
Humor can also help.

Perhaps you need to sit with him in a good day and tell him calmly that you feel that you both seem distant in terms of communication, and how you would like to be more intimate with him emotionally.

Ask him how he feels, sometimes letting the other person express first can make them feel less defensive, in contrast to stating what troubles you first as it might make the other person feel accused.

By working on the communication you can learn what ways to let him know what you feel towards different things that works better with him.


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