# Husband says kids are used as pawns...I say he's pouting, can't get his way



## Yummy2011 (Jun 1, 2011)

So now my stbxh is mad because I don't want him at my house everyday to see my newborn and because I won't continue to let him dictate when he will see the older kids. I told him Saturday night after he left my home that him being at my home everyday made me uncomfortable. I said he could come over but only every couple of days. I also suggested he should take the kids Sunday night so that they could get out and play, I'm home on leave after having a C-section. He had to beat around the bush and try to negotiate the time he wanted to get them and Monday afternoon was set. I told my daughters what time daddy was coming to get them. My oldest daughter hesitated about going but agreed saying she missed daddy. My youngest daughter needed time to think about going to daddy's house (a first time for her.) I think she wants to stay with her new baby sister. Now he had plans that he made before we talked about him getting the kids (why didn't he say something then.) I have stopped my kids from going over there for two weeks, first time I ever did that. My kids were coming home complaining about the same things for months at that time. They would come home dirty and hadn't bathed since they left my house. They complained about wanting to be alone with him as his friends and girlfriend were always over when the kids were. So I decided that it couldn't be that important for him to see them if he could ignore them and tell the girls that he does what they want (same thing he would tell me.) I can't control what goes on in his house but I will do whatever I need to do to get him to pay attention to the girls and their needs. 
After two weeks of not seeing the kids, he claimed to have understood why I did what I did and that he would be more attentive to the girls.
The four days he was at my home after my baby was born he was short-tempered with the kids. He could even give up 15 minutes of his time with the baby so that my 8 year old could hold her. He told her "You see her everyday, this is my time," even though he was planning on being there everyday. Of course I barely saw him while I was pregnant, no calls to check on me, on for sex if he did contact me. Now he's "proud papa" and I guess I'm supposed to go along with this charade. I think he's been using my kids to look good for everyone while ignoring their complaints. 
When he told me about his plans, I told him that I was not on his schedule anymore, he either get them when we agreed (first time he's not dictating when he wants to get them) then he'll just have to wait until I say pick them up. Petty maybe a tiny bit but I've been giving into for far too many years and I will not continue to watch my kids be ignored by him unless he gets his way. 
He now says I am using the kids as pawns. I figured if I were using them as pawns I'd be trying to win him back or hurt him. I'm doing neither. I'm not giving exactly what he wants when he wants so now its a problem. I'm sick of him. I told him basically to f*ck off as I'm tired and now is not the time to be concerned with his wants. I'm by myself, fresh off a c-section, newborn and two older kids at home, I'm on an unpaid leave with no money and he hasn't helped me financially in 3 months. I hadn't stopped him from seeing the kids until they began to complain about things over and over. I have been cordial enough and I have been spit on every step of the way. I'm standing up for myself and I'm not allowing him or anyone else for that matter to stress me out right now. I have enough on my plate.
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