# Decided to split



## BlindFaith69 (Aug 21, 2013)

Hi all, 

This is my first post and I have been reading this site lately to try and get some perspective on what I have going on in my life right now.

Well, I have been married for 6 years and with my wife for 10 total. We have sex 2-3 times a month and when we do it is a chore. She is in nursing school and cannot devote any time to me or us to fix the issues I feel we have. She has told me numerous times that school is the only thing keeping her in this marriage, although she only says that after a fight that I usually start by doing something stupid (coming home drunk, her thinking I am cheating, etc...). I feel selfish when I try to reconcile with her or garner her attention because she is so busy with school. I know it is hard and it takes up so much time, but she has been in school for 5 total years now and doesn't plan on stopping at her BSN.

I have made mistakes in the past. While I have never cheated on her, I have thought about it and looked into it as far as online stuff goes, but I have never followed through. She is always suspecting because she has caught me snooping around before. 

I am 30 yrs old and have spent my entire adult life with this person. As cliche' as it sounds, we have simply grown apart. I like to drink (good beer mind you) and I brew my own. She doesn't drink. I like to go out and have fun, but her idea of a good time is quilting or sitting on the porch. There is no real passion and I feel like we're both just faking it when we are at home or in public (when we aren't fighting about nonsensical stuff). 

We have no kids, but we do have a nice house and other materials. I decided this last Friday that I'd give her an ultimatum (something I have never done in the 10 years we have been together). I told her that there had to be WHOLESALE changes (on both ends) or we'd have to figure out how to split this all up.

Her first reaction? "You're probably right because I can't change all those things about myself right now." I wasn't expecting that. It has been wishy washy the last few days with her saying she is ready to separate one minute and then crying the next. Mixed signals.... Problem is that she can't leave because I pay all the bills and she has no real income due to school. 

So, we have decided (more me than her) that we will just stay in the house, keep it together mentally and function as, essentially, roommates until she gets done with school in about 10 months.

I put this in the "considering" forum because there is still 10 months before we ACTUALLY split up and then another year of separation (state doesn't have a no-fault clause) and I thought I would get some opinions from some fellow unhappily married folks.

I just do not think that I can be happy in this relationship. I don't really want the traditional married life anymore (never really did) and I think that now is the best time to call it quits. I have never really been single as I have been with her since I was 20. 

Is it completely selfish that I want to be happy? I feel bad because I know this is throwing a giant wrench into her plans (which don't match mine either), but I think it would be better to go through this rough patch and then NOT be miserable. I am tired of wanting to be free or independent and not doing anything about it. I do want to see other people, but I have always quelled that emotion because I know it is "wrong" to cheat. Also, I am not religious and neither is she; so that boat has sailed as far as either one of us feeling shame or some kind of damnation due to divorce.

Sorry I am so winded, but the only other person I have gotten to talk to about this all is my mother. Thanks for any feedback.


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