# Happy anniversary to staircase



## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Ok guys, today was the day I have been dreading for a while. Sor far, so good. I am not the mess I thought I'd be. I got my morning run in. Going to lunch later, drinks and too much food with my friends tonight-I'm hopeful to hold steady. I think I'm going to take the afternoon off and have staircase day.


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## kristen11 (Jun 15, 2011)

I wish you the best of luck today! Let us know how it went


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Great news for you. Enjoy your day....and it is your day still ;o) Sounds like good plans to keep your mind off....you know ;o) Mine is coming up on the 25th, I think I will be fine too.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Thank you kristen, I appreciate that. My friend might need to bail for lunch because of her monstrous ex-husband.** He threatens her with court orders every single time she tries to do anything fun to keep her from going. This time he's demanding she takes her daughter to the doctor before a vacation.

**her stories rival just about anything I have seen on this site. I have never seen anyone put through hell and back like she has.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

hesnothappy said:


> Great news for you. Enjoy your day....and it is your day still ;o) Sounds like good plans to keep your mind off....you know ;o) Mine is coming up on the 25th, I think I will be fine too.


Good! It's hard sometimes to stay positive, but it works out in the long run.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

hmm friends...I think I remember having friends. 
have a fantastic afternoon/night!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I've lost a couple of really good friends this past year cd. It's broken my heart. I've been doing a lot of changing and growing, and I'm pretty sure these two people didn't like it at all. They were used to me doing whatever they said, whenever. I finally started putting my foot down and *poof*, gone. One could say I didn't need them, but they were two people I love dearly. I guess they didn't feel the same.

Couple that with the suprise divorce, and well it's not been a great year. My favorite picture in the world features these two fiends and my stbx. I had to bury it somewhere in my office. It's way too painful to see.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Happy Re-Birthday Staircase!
I will be losing lots of friends too. As unfortunate as it is, the intertwining of my life with my stbxw involved a lot of her friends from her highschool days, and we've all raised kids together, been thru all the ups and downs together, but in some of their cases, theyve simply known my stbxw longer than me, so for as much as they say they dont want to pick sides, i am seeing it happen already. We did so much with them, and our kids played together and all, but now my stbxw gets to continue, and I have to sort of back out of all that. For one I dont want to see my stbxw when shes seeing someone else, or how well they are getting along with my D9, nor do I want anyone to be uncomfortable. I can imagine them at home "Do I invite, her?,, or Him???" I wish I had held onto more of my friends from the past...


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Happy Re-Birthday Staircase!
> I will be losing lots of friends too. As unfortunate as it is, the intertwining of my life with my stbxw involved a lot of her friends from her highschool days, and we've all raised kids together, been thru all the ups and downs together, but in some of their cases, theyve simply known my stbxw longer than me, so for as much as they say they dont want to pick sides, i am seeing it happen already. We did so much with them, and our kids played together and all, but now my stbxw gets to continue, and I have to sort of back out of all that. For one I dont want to see my stbxw when shes seeing someone else, or how well they are getting along with my D9, nor do I want anyone to be uncomfortable. I can imagine them at home "Do I invite, her?,, or Him???" I wish I had held onto more of my friends from the past...


Ohh man, do I know this feeling. Such a sad loss all around! Divorce, or the threat there-of is so life changing - almost all aspects of your life change. Even if we were to reconcile, I just don't see the relationship with our friends being the same (our common friends). I mean, they already have an altered sense of who they thought you were, or how they knew you to be. So this is all so surreal and the feeling of ackwardness is not something I am partial to. This whole situation is a learning curve for all of us. It is so weird being my age and thinking that I will have to learn to care for myself first (which I know I can do since I have been caring for an entire family for 31+ years), and then eventually learn how to act single again. I don't like being without the companionship of a woman (a loving one, let's get that straight lol!), but I can do that as long as it takes.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

These weren't joint friends. I'd love to have a reason why they were gone that doesn't involve the fact they just didn't want to be my friends anymore for no other reason but me. I'm not sure I'll ever be done being upset about this. In fact, I think I'm more upset about my friends than I am about stbx. These two of the closest friends I have and I have known them for many, many years. They are not even friends themselves so I managed to independently piss off two people.


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

Stair,

Enjoy yourself. We are happy to have you around. Have a great day and don't let anything get you down.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I made the mistake of turning to some of these people who knew my stbxw for longer than I, becuase I could never ever simply communicate with my stbxw about anything serious. She would get so immediately defensive, and even knowing this mannerism, I often found myself in pretense, having to find ways to word things, and preconsider her reactions to my wording, long before the conversation ever started. Simply in hopes to get some resolution, to things that most adults already know, the need for some sign of affection, the need for financial prudence. I never came at her angry or hurtful, but the immediate and stonewalling defensiveness from her was absolutely guaranteed every time. 
So I had hoped some of her friends (whom I figured she respected since it obviously wasnt me), would be able to suggest, or talk, or something. this too was used against me when it was all said and done.
She hated the fact that I talked to her friends about things, and cited "communication" as one of the problems we had.
I didnt have a problem with it in all honesty!!

So, all these friends really didnt do anything anyways, but take my place when the stbxw went out to spend the last twenty bucks available on her 5K limit credit card. (one of them).

She did more things, and had more fun, doing really awesome stuff, with this one girlfriend in particular, (one who introduced us in fact), than I had EVER been able to have with her. I felt replaced so often. But it was also to our financial detriment that she did these things. In one sentence, "we need to slow the spending", and a day later, she'd want to go out.... 
Just about every situation between us, was a catch 22 damned if you do, damned if you dont outcome for me!!!!

Staircase, your "Friends" evidently were like some of these, just the types of people to "Get something" out of you rather than appreciation for the relationship. That sux.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

staircase said:


> These weren't joint friends. I'd love to have a reason why they were gone that doesn't involve the fact they just didn't want to be my friends anymore for no other reason but me. I'm not sure I'll ever be done being upset about this. In fact, I think I'm more upset about my friends than I am about stbx. These two of the closest friends I have and I have known them for many, many years. They are not even friends themselves so I managed to independently piss off two people.


stair, I'm so sorry about that. You didn't mention why they broke off your friendship but if they were truly your friends, I would have thought that they would be there for you in your time of need. Also, is it possible that your stbx has planted some negative thoughts in their minds about you. I dunno, just throwing stuff out there. Give them time if you are willing to forgive them, maybe they are in the anger period of feeling bad about your breakup.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I agree. I wonder what could have made them just end it like that? There has to be some snarky stuff going on that you dont know about....


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Neither of them talk to stbx. They hate him with a burning passion.

this is a lot of crap-it feels good to just purge it.

Friend 1: the most drama filled friend I have ever had. It never ended, and it was almost always around boyfriends and hook ups. He burned through friends left and right and did some really shady things to people, but we were really solid. One day he just...drifted away. The only thing that was different was he got fired from a consulting gig we were on together and I got brought on full time. maybe he thought I betrayed him by not walking? He's cut out friends for less. I could have done something that I don't know about, too. The thing that really upset me about this is I also came dangerously close to being fired right along side him. I did NOT throw him under the bus. Maybe he thought I did. I really don't know. Bottom line-he did do something wrong, he took not one but TWO laptops when he left. He was weird in retrospect.

Friend 2: she has been my closest friend since we were 14. She has a much stronger personality than me so I've often been steamrolled by her. She is the smartest person I have ever met so I listen to her most of the time even though she gets her point across in a very blunt and sometimes painful way. I've been getting a bit sick of that and pushing back. The last straw was something I did not see coming. We were supposed to meet up before a very busy festival. she ended up showing up late and there was no way I could fight the crowds to get to her.

She texts me afterwards but by then the person who drove needed to get back on the train. I couldn't stay behind because my son had the car and he was working. I got the nastiest message about how she's leaving soon (she teaches overseas) and it's a "new low for even for you" which stems from the fact I don't come out to the city a lot. I live over an hour away. Anyway, she has been to my house once in 12 years-literally. I always go out there. I am very hurt, but really I have had enough.

I know this all sounds very one sided, and that's because it is. I have no resolution or closure with these people. Just what happened as I see it.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Ouch with Friend 1 and friend 2. I guess you know now that they weren't worth your effort. 

Personally I have 0 close friends and now I pretty much have no one to call up to hang out with. This is due to the fact that I started dating stbx and my friends disappeared(yup). 
Also I moved around a lot before I got married 4 different cities in 4 years due to school and other circumstances, so I didn't bother making friends because I was always moving around. 
I figured I would always have stbx and his sisters/friends to hang out with. I was wrong. Now I have to try and meet new friends on top of later having to try and meet someone special. 
Or maybe I'll just be alone for the rest of my life :/

Where do you even go to make friends lol. Ive always been too shy and don't have a lot in common with other women.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Happy birthday


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## d1221 (Mar 13, 2011)

Hi Staircase,

I am glaf your anniversary turned out for you better than you anticipated. Mine was the 29th of last month bettrr than I thought as well. One thing we can be proud of is that we are stronger than we realize and although we may have some bad days, we probably have progressed more than we realize.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Anniversary almost over and still doing well!


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