# Need some advice



## Gossimer (Mar 2, 2017)

My wife definitely is a cellphone-aholic, there's no question about that. She has never given me a reason to suspect her of anything. When she says she's going out somewhere it's usually confirmed by some kind of social media post by her or a friend she's with. Yes, we have had problems but nothing that I'd call major. Typically arguments about how much she works and how it always seems she puts her career ahead of me and our family.

Recently she has become somewhat withdrawn. She gets home from work, eats, makes a drink and goes up to bed to watch TV by herself and eventually falls asleep. If I go up before I normally go to sleep or before she falls asleep, she'll ask me what I'm doing coming up so early. I have also noticed that she's become more protective of her phone, she literally takes it everywhere she goes and never lets it out of her sight. So I logged onto our cellular account to look and see if there was anything suspicious. All the numbers on the call and text logs look fine, I know all of the numbers that shown up repeatedly. However, her data usage has increased. Now it doesn't show what the data is being used for but it does show when and how much data is being used. It's usually around the time she wakes up, before she goes to sleep and sometimes a couples times during the afternoon.

I have put voice activated recorders in her car and in the bedroom and there as been nothing suspect on them at all. I have security cameras around my house and have checked the footage from times that I'm out of the house for long periods or away and there's been nothing. I had asked her to see the phone, not to confront, but because I'm looking to replace my own phone. She did let me see it but she seemed to be hovering the entire time so I couldn't poke around too much. I know I'm not being paranoid, her behavior is off and I know something is going on.

I guess at this point my question is this, is there a way to access an android phone or extract data from one without knowing the password and without leaving any trace that the phone was messed with?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Is she depressed, perhaps?


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## Gossimer (Mar 2, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> Is she depressed, perhaps?


She has seemed a little depressed but anytime I try to talk to her she says she's just tired or stressed from work. Since she always says that, I had said once that maybe she should go talk to someone if she felt she couldn't talk to me about it. Her response was "I don't believe in therapy"


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

This is an odd one and definitely sounds fishy. Something is up. 

You've already VAR'd the car and came up empty. How long did you do it for?

You may want to consider a GPS tracker. Helped me tremendously when VAR came up empty.

Theres dozens of apps out there for communication that wont show on the bill. If you share the same andriod ID then go see what apps she has already downloaded from the store. If she has Whatsapp or anything like that you will know why its not showing on the phone bill.

Time to get super Sherlock here because it sounds like your gut is screaming. From an objective perspective i think your gut is right on point.

Where there is smoke there is fire.

There are also apps out there that will backup phones to recover deleted texts etc but im not sure if they work for installed 3rd party s/w like whatsapp on the phone. hopefully those more knowledgeable will be here to help out.


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## Gossimer (Mar 2, 2017)

Grapes said:


> This is an odd one and definitely sounds fishy. Something is up.
> 
> You've already VAR'd the car and came up empty. How long did you do it for?
> 
> ...


The recorders have been there for about 3 weeks, but even looking at the phone records, she doesn't talk on the phone much at all. I know she has WhatsApp and uses it to talk to friends overseas and when we leave the country on vacation or something like that. And yes, the gut is screaming, lol. The couple recovery or backup programs I've looked at either don't mention anything about if you don't have the password for the phone, and some have said that after the recovery the phone will basically be reset to factory settings, so that's no good. I need to be able to get into the phone somehow and leave no trace of being there.


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

OK - confirming your gut is in fact screaming. Im very glad your are listening to it. Some just put their heads in the sand and pretend. Glad you arent one of those. Always trust your gut.

Request the mods, @MattMatt, to move this thread to the coping section as you will get more traction from some very seasoned vets.

Listen to their advice.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Do you have the email address and password associated w/ her Google Play account?


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

If she is indeed using WhatsApp, I'm not sure there's any way to view the messages beyond accessing her phone and using it to log urself in online via the pc. You'll be able to see all of her existing messages and the new ones as they come in.

But yes, you will need access to her phone. You need to get that password somehow... Maybe secretly stalk her for a bit to take note of the code as she enters? Or if it's one where you swipe in a password, you can usually see the outline of her repeated password swipes by angling the phone against the light.

Or you can arrange for her phone to get 'stolen' hehehhehe


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## Gossimer (Mar 2, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> If she is indeed using WhatsApp, I'm not sure there's any way to view the messages beyond accessing her phone and using it to log urself in online via the pc. You'll be able to see all of her existing messages and the new ones as they come in.
> 
> But yes, you will need access to her phone. You need to get that password somehow... Maybe secretly stalk her for a bit to take note of the code as she enters? Or if it's one where you swipe in a password, you can usually see the outline of her repeated password swipes by angling the phone against the light.
> 
> Or you can arrange for her phone to get 'stolen' hehehhehe


"STOLEN", I like that, lol. I wish it were that easy. Lately she never lets it out of her sight. I've seen a couple programs that basically say just plug the phone into the computer and extract the data, but it doesn't say anything about if they work without the password. There has to be a way though.


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## Gossimer (Mar 2, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> Do you have the email address and password associated w/ her Google Play account?


I tried that too, accessing her google account to look at the backups. It says her email isn't on record and I don't know of any other email accounts


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Gossimer said:


> I tried that too, accessing her google account to look at the backups. It says her email isn't on record and I don't know of any other email accounts


so she has a secret email account....not good


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## Gossimer (Mar 2, 2017)

Xenote said:


> so she has a secret email account....not good


It's not that I think she has a secret account. I remember way back when she got rid of her Blackberry and went to Android, I remember her thinking she needed a gmail account to be able to set the phone up so she created one for that purpose. I know the email account exists, I just don't know what it is


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Does she use a personal computer at home?


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## Gossimer (Mar 2, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> Does she use a personal computer at home?


Tried that too, I'm not sure if she changed the password or if I'm just not remembering it right. I never use her laptop and when I set it up for her years ago, I never wrote down what I set the password as.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Gossimer said:


> Tried that too, I'm not sure if she changed the password or if I'm just not remembering it right. I never use her laptop and when I set it up for her years ago, I never wrote down what I set the password as.


*cough* keylogger!

ETA: No keyloggers installed on any employer-issued computers, phones, etc, lest you wind up in the crosshairs of a lawsuit.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

Apps to look for on her phone- WhatsApp (though that may get deleted at certain times of the day), Snapchat (a big one!), Skype (what my ex was using because he knows I never cared to download it). My ex was sneaky. He never texted or called from his phone. They used Skype, so that it wouldn't show up on our joint account call logs and Snapchat. He had created a log in, that I was unaware of, to use specifically for his OW.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife is protective of her phone and I know with certainty that she is not cheating for various reasons. I have her password and even my thumbprints will open her phone. She just does not want to see what she writes about me to her other girlfriends. They tend to complain about their husbands to each other and elicit support and sympathy. Small stuff but still something she would be embarrassed for me to see. I also have access to her email account as she does mine. Even though she knows all my passwords I will still shut down this site and a few others if she is coming near. She does not like me to talk about our sex life, even to her. She is the most freaky sexual woman I have ever known and yet she is embarrassed by her appetites and does not want to talk about it. It is due to her upbringing because all that she did goes against what she was taught. So she has her little secrets that have nothing to do with cheating. The only time I look at her stuff is when I am updating her equipment or troubleshooting. I found out my married boss was having an affair with a married man in our company that way. Job security! 

There are many things people want to keep quiet other than cheating. BTW, I suffer from depression and am very different when I am not medicated. I would not even be posting anywhere. Nothing interested me, not even sex. Once I took medication my libido went crazy and I wanted sex all the time and you could not shut me up. I have stated many time that the secret to great sex and a great marriage is great communication. There is always a reason and if the person really does not know, talk to a doctor. That is what I did. I had no idea why I was depressed. I have a great job, no money worries, a fantastic wife and living in a tropical paradise. Yet I was depressed. I fought taking medication but when I did, my life was so much better. Seek help if needed.


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

Gossimer said:


> I tried that too, accessing her google account to look at the backups. It says her email isn't on record and I don't know of any other email accounts


not a good sign! put this in the potential red flag column dude.


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

should be relatively simple to get the laptop password - just go to use it and after you type a wrong PW in a few times just simply ask. 

Depression could also be a factor but if i read the OP right she is still going out with friends etc. Its not like shes just always sitting in her room. Just when she is home with OP.

Better safe then sorry IMO in this situation.


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## johnsondr80 (Feb 22, 2017)

@Gossimer

Forewarnings:
The following information I am going to provide you with will probably take you a great deal of time to set up (your computer), complete the download, and finally analyse the data contained.
For an inexperienced person.... I'd say the better part of an entire day. 
But don't let that worried you. You can easily break it up into parts and portions over several days and your activity could go un-noticed.
Here is a blog link that highlights a tool that you can use for backing up an Android device. 
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.xda-developers.com/ultimate-backup-tool-no-root-required/amp/ 

Here is the actual forum link where you can download the tool and get the installing directions.
https://forum.xda-developers.com/showthread.php?t=1844032

Now also know that reading through the forum you can gain inside on how to use and over come most any errors you encounter. Also a pretty good place to ask any question you might have.

Next One tricky step:
One all that is installed on your PC and functioning (test it with your phone) you got to find a way to get access to her phone for only a few moments so that you can turn on the Android debugging feature.

Next (maybe at a later day)
Simply plug in the device and run the back up tool.
Depending on the devices processor and the data size it could potentially take an hour or more. So maybe do this at night while she sleeps?

Once you have a backed up copy on your computer, you will need a device exactly like hers.

Once you have that you can "restore" the copy to the duplicate device. Essentially cloning her phone (except with out cell service or number)

What this will give you is access with out having to know any passwords (aside form device unlocking password) like Facebook and WhatsApp etc etc
And every recorded message or photo at the time of back up.
The beauty of it will be that as long as you are connected to wifi with the duplicate device you can even witness message exchange in real time.

All notification she gets, you'll get. And being the same device restored she shouldn't get a warning that her account has be accessed from somewhere else.
Savvy?

Final warning. 
What you uncover could potentially destroy you. Think long and hard if you really want to see something. 

I have no idea what legal ramifications would result from this, if any. But if you do this successfully, never reveal how you got the evidence, should any evidence be found and used. 

I sencerly hope you just find only the price of mind of knowing she's being faithful. 
And on the chance she is complaining about you to her friends... You will be armed with the knowlage from then on, and surprise her with how your changing into a man she has little to complaints about.


Sent from my Nexus 6 using Tapatalk


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Can you borrow her phone and check her browsing history or see what apps are installed?

I know my carrier (AT&T) does data dumps every three hours so if I'm on Pandora, UTube or another app, the data updates at 3:00, or 6:00, etc...

And look for those apps. You might ask her if she closes the apps. My son had a habit of running Pandora even when not listening to it and the data register just keeps clicking away.


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## GTNBoom (Oct 24, 2016)

Alternative theory 

Have you thought about how you are nurturing and behaving in the relationship?

If she's withdrawn perhaps part of that is because you are not doing that things to make her feel nurtured in the relationship?

What do you do to make her feel safe, special and happy on an ongoing basis? Have you thought about this?

Women live in the moment. What does this mean? It simply means that whatever they feel on the moment is how they think they will feel forever. Thus, what you did to nurture the relationship two years ago is moot if your are not doing the right things today. 

Two things: without trust and safety a woman can't give her heart to her man. And without feeing safe, special and happy she won't be able to have deep, loving feelings for her man.

It's the man's role in the relationship to continually nurture it and make her feel safe , special and happy.

This includes:
- praise
- appreciation 
- listening and connecting and not trying to "fix" her problems 
- affirmation
- supportive acts 
- kind gestures 
- affection
And many more behaviors. 

This is just a start but a different path. Spying is the path to anxious behaviors and weakness. Behaving In a secure and loving manner is the way to nurture her love for you and the part to a wonderful relationship. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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