# Need Second Opinion



## Paris90 (Jan 3, 2014)

I'm new to this in seeking help and advice and would appreciate it. Just need to make sure I'm thinking this right. I rather be smart and follow my brain than get hurt more following my heart. 

I'm 23 and have been married for 3 years. I'm the youngest of four and was the first out of three to get married. At the time I was 20 and had been with my husband for a year. He's 28 and is the only child with a larger family than mine. A few months after the wedding, he was deployed for a year so we've only really been married for 2 years some people say. We did live together before getting married despite his parent's not agreeing to it. I did live alone and worked while he was deployed. When he returned home, we lived in West Chester before moving to Lancaster which is where we are now.

I don't know how to describe my husbands behavior, but it always repeat itself. In the beginning, he had a huge problem with opening mail. Any type of mail. It would pile up til I was annoyed and opened them myself. By doing so, I would find bills and other important letters he never mentioned to me. Most dealt with school loans. I confronted him and told him to stop and he did (so I thought). He fell back in the cycle and it started again. This time, more serious than before. 

He had a car that he never paid for 4-5 months. I was driving that car to and from work so it was important for me at least to have the car paid. I found out in August and demanded to know why he didn't tell me up front. His response was he didn't want me to worry about it. I told him if he needed help with the payments to let me know. I can not be without a car. I even offered to split the car payment 50/50. He said okay, fine. Told me with his next check he'll make a payment and catch up since he got paid weekly and I got paid bi-weekly. When we land in October and the car is repossessed. I told him that morning this would happened and I thought he was going to make this right. His response? 'I didn't have the money'. Apparently my half wasn't enough. Hey, I tried. I asked him what am I going to do now and he said he didn't know, that I had to find some other way to get to work now. Great. Loving the support. So I missed three days of work while he drove the other car we had to where he had to go. 

Now it's January, and we still don't have the car. Caught up on it (I had to take a small loan out), but don't have the cash flow to pay the towing fees and storage fees to get the car 2 hours away. We'll we have til the 12th of this month. Family has given him money to get the car and he's spent it. He now doesn't work so it's me and I work retail. My checks are okay, but it leaves me living paycheck to paycheck so I'm paying all bills even if its late. Every month, I manage, but I'm annoyed that he has done nothing since the beginning of December to get a job and help out. I've realized that everything is my name and that I paid solely for the car insurance on both cars. When I ask him to help, he asks me what I want him to do. He was never like this or maybe he was, but not as much and I missed it. His parents will most likely side with him so they are of no help and my mother retired. Not asking her for anymore money. 

The lease for our apartment ends in May and I'm thinking I should move on. That I can no longer help someone who can't help himself or even try. Thankfully there are no children involved so by leaving, I lose nothing. I will probably gain my dignity back and whatever else I lost. My mother will most likely hate my plan since she feels like I should stick around and be supportive, but I'm seeing things she doesn't see. 

I no longer share a room with him. I moved all my things in the second bedroom. No words have been spoken between the two for a week. I've told him he needs to seriously do something and realize that this is beyond unhealthy and I feel like I'm talking to myself or a wall. I have set up an appointment to see a therapist, but nothing for our marriage. He keeps saying we should do it, but nothing comes of it, so I'm no longer into what he says, but more into what he does. I can't force him to do anything so I'm working on myself, but a part of me wants May to hurry up and come around. My effort has worn thin and I'm back on my antidepressants so my health has become #1. A part of me wants to cut him off completely, but then what would I live with? If I'm going about this the wrong way or missed something, let me know. Thanks in advance


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