# student/mother wanting to seperate not sure how



## bwb5328 (Sep 25, 2012)

Hi all, I am new here...

I have been married for 8 years. I got pregnant at 18 and my catholic parents/his catholic parents said that we had to get married in order for me to keep the baby. I will now be 27 next week. We had only dated for three months and I had just come out of an intense long-term high school relationship as well. When my son was 13 months old I got pregnant again with our second child, a girl. My husband's parents offered to buy a condo in their town across the country so that we could rent from them while we got on our feet. It was Jan. 2007 when we made the big move.

My kids are now almost 8 and 6. My in-laws are quite annoyed with the fact that we are still in a situation of having to rent from them. My mother-in-law is constantly trying to "up" the rent, make us meet for serious money discussions, etc. My husband got demoted recently so is actually making less money.

Some facts about him: he is a pot-smoker, video-game addict who grew up with ADHD and I'm pretty sure still has it. He is on a new schedule of working nights and having days off so he stays home playing video games and watching TV all day while I go to school full time at a local university. I come home to the house completely trashed, have to get kids at the bus stop, help them with homework, and am too exhausted to have to run around and do housework as well. He is very controlling in that he gives me very little privacy to watch what I want to, and is always in my face wondering what I am doing, where I am going, etc. He does the same creepy thing where he watches me sleep that some others have mentioned on here. He's also made some very odd comments, such as saying that he would "kill me if i I ever cheated on him" and that I was "stuck with him until I was at least 80." 

Unless I am bawling my eyes out upset he will not get the clue to help out around the house. I am exhausted from it all and his lack of help. He does not like doing things together as a family and refuses to take the kids out places alone on the weekends. He rather stay home, unwashed and unshowered and play video games and tune everybody out.

It is beyond exhausting and I have been out of love for him for quite some time. I am sick of his parents controlling my life -- they can say very dark, controlling things and like to mock us for being too poor to afford a new car, etc. I just can't take the negative controlling behavior anymore. Both him and his family have put such a damper on me.

I am not sure what to do as I have just started a new semester at the local university. I am having such a rough time getting homework done and staying focused though. I find myself job searching and apartment searching often, dreaming of escaping. 

I've been in school for the past few years and have my associates degree now which is a start. Part of me wants to drop out of school and try to find a job with my associates. I really wish I could stick it out and finish another 2 years. I just don't know if I can handle pretending everything is okay with him for that much longer, or dealing with his controlling family. 

I don't have much job experience except for part-time jobs either. I just don't know what to do. I feel so depressed, broken and lost. I transitioned from a community college to a big university and I don't know anyone. Most of them are young kids with their parents paying their way through school. I just can't relate to them. I really like my classes and my professors but I am lonely at school as well. 

I have considered going to see a counseler at school as they offer free counseling for students. I just have to brave up and do it. Then again if I plan on dropping out maybe not? I already got student loans so I don't necessairly want to mess with that either. Dealing with him is killing me though and I just don't know how much longer I can handle it.

Any advice would be helpful.... thank you.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

His behavior is pretty typical. It took me years to get my H to help around the house and with the animals. If you can stand it I think you should stick it out and get your degree- then go searching for a job and get your independence. Just make sure you're getting a degree in something that has job potential.


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