# New here, joining right in!



## Wits End (Mar 9, 2009)

Hello I'm the new kid and I've been lurking for a few days and I feel this forum will be a helpful place for me and I believe with my extensive nightmare relationship experience I could prove helpful to others. :lol:

My situation. 37 years old, married and living in Chicago with my husband. I have an 18 yo dd, going to school in Michigan. He has 2 dds, 4 and 15. They live with their mother only a few miles away, we do not see them anymore (more to come on that). One would think that living on our own with no children, the stress would be a lot less. It's really amazing to me how so not true that is.

We've been married 8 months, together 5 years. This is the third marriage for both of us. Oddly enough, when we met and got together we vowed we would never marry as it was something we were both not good at. With one another we found our perfect mate and were so afraid marriage would mess that up. We talked long and hard about getting married because of our pasts. That is something we've been very, very diligent on is keeping an eye on our relationship and open communication because we are very committed to not letting this become what our other relationships had. It has proven to be the perfect solution for us, we are great together and quite often make others sick. Heh.

Enter life.. 

He works, I stay home and it works great for us. Our home runs like a well oiled machine 89% of the time. There are days there are bumps because I have Lupus and I'm not well quite often, it just is what it is and we deal day to day. This is still the happiest home I've ever lived in and the same for him.

We have the same uncertainty as everyone else in this economy and we worry about his job daily and the stress is unbelievable but I do not think we are any different than most these days so I don't think it's our major issue.

That would be his ex, his kids and one happenstance, one thing that most would think was a very good and positive thing and it's turned out to be a nightmare.

1st, his ex.

There are so many who come on and say evil things about the ex but I have some doozies myself but there is nothing like this one. She's a walking trainwreck who has lived outside of her means all of her life. Their 18 yrs of marriage she has completely ruined her and my husbands financial situation like you would never believe. Since he moved out, she has taken out not one but TWO fraudulent loans in my husbands name. ADMITTEDLY SO, oh yeah.. she has the most warped sense of entitlement you'd ever seen. When these loans went to collections and they called my husband on it, she flat out says.. "oh yes, I signed your name to them - I needed the money." My husband was given her TWICE what the courts eventually ordered him to pay back then, her need for money is never ending. The house, he told her to sell it right away as she could not afford it (hell, they couldn't when he lived there and the loss of the major income would dictate he was right) No, she kept it going into foreclosure 3 times. Finally, the judge ordered his support less than half what he was giving her for the first two years of their split. The judge ordered she sell the house immediately (2 yrs ago when the market was better) and he also ordered her to pay many of the debts she incurred. We left the felonies alone and very much to my dismay, MY HUSBAND PAID one of them. Leaving a $40,000 outstanding and someone b/c my husband never spoke up.. we got stuck with that one in the divorce. Um, hello? All it would have taken was mentioning it was FRAUDULENT and things would have gone differently.

Ok, you can see I'm bitter and angry. Ya think? :rofl: 

There is more, A LOT more when it comes to his ex. So much more but I won't go into it atm, over time it will probably come out here but I think you may have a sense of what it is going on. 

His kids? A real big mess there. Suffice it to say, we do not see them and atm my husband has no contact with them either. It's heartbreaking for all involved and at this time there is not a good solution. We are working with professionals to try move things forward and find some resolution of real painful things for my husbands history with physical and emotional abuse by his father and his ex but it is not working and I see him slipping worse into his depression. 

The one thing we thought would be a very nice blessing and an amazing turn of luck for us.. is my husband is a musician, a very good hobbyist. He works a very good day job but has a great little side thing for himself. By chance, 20th century fox contacted him out of the blue and wanted to use a song of his for a movie. After a long 8 months, that movie opened recently and was a smash hit and broke all records. Exciting times! One might think that it was A LOT of money and that it changed our lives forever. No, it was a VERY small amount of money and we were paid in exposure really. However, everyone assumes we are loaded now. Well the movie made over $50 million in one weekend, surely we must see some of that. Ahh, no. 

We've had more worms crawl out of their holes in the last year than we ever imagined could be possible. If my husband walked past someone on the street three years ago we heard from their lawyer and they think they deserve some money. Mainly it's been family of his ex that feel they should get a part of this well, because they are just that kind. What is effin amazing to us is that it's HER family and friends, we can clearly see where she gets her spending habits and sense of entitlement! Only ONE of the 8 that we've heard from has a legitimate claim but fortunately that little debt was given to the ex in the divorce. (ahhh, not that she's paid anything!) 

I need help, I don't know what more to do. I'm so angry and bitter over his ex. I feel his behaviors during their marriage and during the divorce and since have led her to not understand the boundaries. She still attempts to take control of him and he has a hard time seeing it, often times acting on things just because "it's easier that way" (he's afraid of her, she was abusive and I understand) BUT there comes a time when the strings need to be cut.

Anyway, my god.. I'm sorry for the novel. Things have just gotten out of control in our normally very quiet lives and it has taken a horrible toll on us. We are under massive amounts of stress and my husband depression due to past abuse and genes, is out of control. It's wearing on my own issues with depression and I feel like we're falling apart. We hang on to each other dearly, we are so madly in love and we are able to sometimes hide from it and have wonderful moments. Unfortunately, these moments are fewer and farther in between than ever. We walk around with our brows furrowed and a painful longing in our eyes.

Please.. comments, suggestions, advise? If you need more info.. ask away. I'm desperately grasping here and I'm hoping maybe having a place to talk may help. I don't know!?


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i would say talk to a lawyer. to me it's sounds like she's doing a bit of harassment. don't know if it's possible but if you could get court ordered counceling for her, that might help.

you do have me curious as to which movie and song it was


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