# So if all we have to do is ask, why not just let us delete threads again?



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Apparently all someone has to do, when they don't like the replies they get, is ask a mod to delete it.

So, what sense does that make? Why not just let us delete our own threads again?


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## Administrator (May 8, 2013)

To what are you referring? Can you give an example?

Kyle


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TAM users used to be able to delete their own posts and threads. Now they cannot.

She's asking that members be given their delete permissions back.

It's not true that a person can just ask a mod to delete their posts/threads and the mods will do it. A moderator might do it if there are extenuating circumstances. But otherwise we do not delete posts or threads just because a user asks.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> TAM users used to be able to delete their own posts and threads. Now they cannot.
> 
> She's asking that members be given their delete permissions back.
> 
> It's not true that a person can just ask a mod to delete their posts/threads and the mods will do it. A moderator might do it if there are extenuating circumstances. *But otherwise we do not delete posts or threads just because a user asks.*


*And exactly what's the rationale behind that?*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> *And exactly what's the rationale behind that?*


Because the admins of this site decided months ago that users cannot delete their posts/threads. They basically said that users were deleting so many of their posts that threads were looking like 'swiss cheese' with big holes missing from discussions.

Mods are not clerks working for the users. So we do not carry out commands give my users.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Wait... what? This is destroying the very nature of TAM! I didn't even notice until this.

Now I'm troubled, at its core TAM existed for people to seek answers to VERY sensitive and personal topics and one core feature of this site was the ability to delete your own posts and threads to maintain your privacy and remove your shame on very deep personal thoughts and topics. These are people's lives, relationships, and marriages we are talking about. WTF?! 

It's seriously becoming very obvious that the administration does not understand the founding ideas of TAM and seems to be just corporate BS at work.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Someone mentioned that tam is a business now.

Now i guess it will be all about the money .and liability, and political correctness. OH ans tracking your use! So they can make more money.

But they will say its making the site better bla bla bla.

So the down fall will begin.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Not being able to delete posts or threads is a big negative. I was gone for a while for health reason, came back and discovered this recently.

I have decided not to start any new threads.

I am posting less, I guess weaning myself away again.

I think the deleting permissions should be restored personality.

It changes the nature of the forum, its more for the business than the support.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Guys, nothing that's been going on here is new IMO. 

It's been this way for some time, just more pronounced as we've had a fresh influx of trolls, specifically tailored advice requests, and lack of follow-ups from OPs who took a mental dump and then ran.

TAM has always operated on a business model, we just don't see it as such because we're posting in the weeds.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

RandomDude said:


> Wait... what? This is destroying the very nature of TAM! I didn't even notice until this.
> 
> Now I'm troubled, at its core TAM existed for people to seek answers to VERY sensitive and personal topics and one core feature of this site was the ability to delete your own posts and threads to maintain your privacy and remove your shame on very deep personal thoughts and topics. These are people's lives, relationships, and marriages we are talking about. WTF?!
> 
> It's seriously becoming very obvious that the administration does not understand the founding ideas of TAM and seems to be just corporate BS at work.


I concur. I have been away from the forum for over a year so this was news to me. When I first began posting on TAM, it was under a different handle. I quickly realized that handle would be recognized by my wife and some select family members and friends. I deleted all my posts and came back as Amplexor. I would support a change back to the old format. I think it makes sense.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I can see not allowing posters to delete threads and having mods only do so if there is a breach of anonymity, but if posters can have threads or posts deleted because they don't like what they hear we should all have the ability.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

chillymorn69 said:


> Someone mentioned that tam is a business now.
> 
> Now i guess it will be all about the money .and liability, and political correctness. OH ans tracking your use! So they can make more money.
> 
> ...


It is, and always has been, a business, Chilly. It has different owners now, so different management practices apply. This does not justify it, but don't make the mistake of thinking it has only just now become a business.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> I can see not allowing posters to delete threads and having mods only do so if there is a breach of anonymity, but if posters can have threads or posts deleted because they don't like what they hear we should all have the ability.


Right now a person can edit their posts and remove the content of their posts. You can see this often where they just leave a "." or a few characters.

No poster has had their thread/posts deleted because the poster did not like what replies they got on their thread.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

I always like it when @farsidejunky breaks it down to the basics... 

Member support only goes so far and even if every participant purchased a lifetime membership up front as the cost of net services, upgrades, maintenance, and support tech monitoring would require a recurring source of income to keep things flowing.

Supply and demand, meet advertising.

If abuse occurs, I agree that threads should be removed and we have a volunteer staff (mods) who will happily do that.

If abuse doesn't occur, then perhaps a new view is something we should consider if it is spoken in truth, kindness, and necessity so threads do not have to be removed. I have learned many things silently as I observe what people say here in their "drop the mic (keyboard)" moments.

In the end for me, if I have that ability or not makes little difference because if I dislike what is being said or how it is being said, I can simply leave it.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Because the admins of this site decided months ago that users cannot delete their posts/threads. They basically said that users were deleting so many of their posts that threads were looking like '*swiss cheese*' with big holes missing from discussions.
> 
> Mods are not clerks working for the users. So we do not carry out commands give my users.


As I understood it the Swiss cheese was referring to the database, not any discussions. A deleted thread does not leave any holes in the discussion. As witnessed by the large thread issue, the database is not nearly as robust as one would hope for.

Thanks mods, you are really earn your pay :grin2:, but seriously thanks.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CharlieParker said:


> As I understood it the Swiss cheese was referring to the database, not any discussions. A deleted thread does not leave any holes in the discussion. As witnessed by the large thread issue, the database is not nearly as robust as one would hope for.
> 
> Thanks mods, you are really earn your pay :grin2:, but seriously thanks.


While it was said at some point that the database had holes in it, that's not exactly right.

Even if a post is deleted (meaning not visible on the public forum) it still exists. Nothing is ever actually deleted from the database. As mods we can still read the deleted posts and threads. Even when someone replaces the content of a post (edits it) the old content is there. The database keeps every version of every post.

Nothing is ever actually deleted from TAM.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> While it was said at some point that the database had holes in it, that's not exactly right.
> 
> Even if a post is deleted (meaning not visible on the public forum) it still exists. Nothing is ever actually deleted from the database. As mods we can still read the deleted posts and threads. Even when someone replaces the content of a post (edits it) the old content is there. The database keeps every version of every post.
> 
> Nothing is ever actually deleted from TAM.


If nothing else motivates me to be sure I mindfully say what I mean to say and spelled correctly, this does!


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## james5588 (Mar 22, 2017)

Wouldn't this just encourage regular users to adopt a single use persona when needing to discuss something highly sensitive?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

james5588 said:


> Wouldn't this just encourage regular users to adopt a single use persona when needing to discuss something highly sensitive?


No. Because that is expressly forbidden by the rules of the board.

Incidentally, every forum that I belong to (and moderate on) has had to remove the ability of posters to delete their posts or threads.

This is for a variety of reasons, all of them valid.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

james5588 said:


> Wouldn't this just encourage regular users to adopt a single use persona when needing to discuss something highly sensitive?


Do you mean create a new account? People who do this are permanently banned.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> I concur. I have been away from the forum for over a year so this was news to me. When I first began posting on TAM, it was under a different handle. I quickly realized that handle would be recognized by my wife and some select family members and friends. I deleted all my posts and came back as Amplexor. I would support a change back to the old format. I think it makes sense.


Exactly! Now the alternative is to manually edit every single post and that is a VERY time-consuming process that most people do not have the luxury of - especially in LARGE threads! This isn't like other forums, this forum handles VERY sensitive and VERY personal topics that can lead to identification! True, posters should mind what they post but what if the topic at hand requires posters to exchange VERY personal information to the public are they going to be robbed of the potential advice out of fear that they can be identified?

Argh! The owners may have experience with other forums but TAM should be handled differently as are the topics being discussed!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

The sensitive and personal nature of posts is up to the poster's discretion. Additional information helps and is sometimes requested but if you don't want your personal life indexed by Google and free to the Internet then don't post it. 

Many posters have successfully de-identified their stories enough to lower the risk of discovery. Posting your life on the Internet without a filter is risky, I'm surprised more people here don't seem to take that into consideration. 

This is not SI or advertised (to my knowledge) as a "safe place." It's a resource for advice. While I agree it would be nice to have the ability to delete posts and threads, TAM doesn't owe anyone anything for simply existing.

I came here after my divorce was final, for the purpose of understanding men better so I could eventually date again (or decide if I wanted to bother trying). I decided to stay because I received a lot of insight from others, many of whom are no longer here. After meeting my husband, he posted here for a time before he was banned, accordingly for his silly breach of rules. I'm still here, although I take breaks, and am contemplating stepping away for longer so I can focus more on things going on in the world of Satya.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

farsidejunky said:


> It is, and always has been, a business, Chilly. It has different owners now, so different management practices apply. This does not justify it, but don't make the mistake of thinking it has only just now become a business.



I never really thought of it as a business. I guess I always thought of it as a community. I thought the ads were just defraying the cost and that it was coming up relatively revenue-neutral. 

I've got to re-set my thinking here.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Wolfman1968 said:


> I never really thought of it as a business. I guess I always thought of it as a community. I thought the ads were just defraying the cost and that it was coming up relatively revenue-neutral.
> 
> I've got to re-set my thinking here.


And in fairness, people often enter into a business venture in which they can make a difference in something that matters to them while concurrently earning money. My wife and I do for our own small business. 

At the end of the day, the business' ability to earn more than it spends affords us the ability to keep making a difference. 

Conversely, when our business decisions negatively affect our client base, we will feel it in the bottom line. TAM is at a real risk of experiencing such. 

I rarely use the actual site anymore due to the overwhelming number of ads. Nearly everything I do is through the Tapatalk app now.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Wolfman1968 said:


> I never really thought of it as a business. I guess I always thought of it as a community. I thought the ads were just defraying the cost and that it was coming up relatively revenue-neutral.
> 
> I've got to re-set my thinking here.


The owners of the domain, the hosting, the ISP, the technical support and services... those are the business.

Members are the community...

There are many ways to be fed, but one way surely takes profit to do so...


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## Administrator (May 8, 2013)

farsidejunky said:


> And in fairness, people often enter into a business venture in which they can make a difference in something that matters to them while concurrently earning money. My wife and I do for our own small business.
> 
> At the end of the day, the business' ability to earn more than it spends affords us the ability to keep making a difference.
> 
> ...


What ads are you seeing? logged in you should only get at maximum 4 for a given page of the site, 3 in fact for this one as I don't believe it has one of our standard placements, and more often less I see 2 right now for instance. 

Kyle


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> No poster has had their thread/posts deleted because the poster did not like what replies they got on their thread.


Really? This from March:



EleGirl said:


> Are you talking about Ella's thread? She asked one of the mods to delete her thread because she felt that the responses were too harsh.


I started this thread when another thread disappeared, in which the OP didn't like the responses she got. It then reappeared in Private, for us to discuss.

I'm not even here a whole lot - I am sure other people could find other examples of threads that have been deleted.

I'm not trying to be a **** disturber, I am simply curious. The rules seem to be fluid, with no input from the community. I get that the owners want to make money, and like someone else said, you need to adjust your thinking, and stop having the feeling that TAM really IS a community. Which isn't surprising - it's the way of the world now. No one truly gives a rats ass as long as their bottom line is agreeable to them.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

And now I can't find the thread that I originally started THIS thread about. Was it deleted?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Face the facts folks. TAM is no longer a safe place to post anything sensitive. Do that on other forums. TAM is for fun, games and softball marriage issues. The naive who post the real issues will lose more than they gain from this place. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> Really? This from March:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Some times posters will start a thread. Then at some point they will go back and edit their posts, removing the content of their posts. When they do that, it leaves a thread that makes no sense because the OP's posts are all removed. 

If I recall correctly, Ella removed the text from her posts. Then she sent me an PM asking that her thread be deleted. AT that point, thread was full of hole and made no sense. In that case, deleting the thread made sense.

What you might want to consider is that you do not have all the information.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yungster said:


> What ads are you seeing? logged in you should only get at maximum 4 for a given page of the site, 3 in fact for this one as I don't believe it has one of our standard placements, and more often less I see 2 right now for instance.
> 
> Kyle


For Forum Supporters there are only 3 or 4 ads that display. Sometimes those ads take up so much in resources that they freeze the browser. 

For example there was one that had some guy skiing down a hill. I ran in a loop so the video never stopped. And when it did run, it froze my browser.

Today the 2 ads in the right hand column are not displaying very often. Though I have not been online a lot from about mid afternoon until now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > No poster has had their thread/posts deleted because the poster did not like what replies they got on their thread.
> ...


Yes, that was the short answer. She asked that the thread be deleted after she edited every one of her posts on the thread so that they had no content. The tread no longer made sense. The answer I gave that you quoted above was a brief answer. I did not think I had to go into every little detail related to that thread.



Hope1964 said:


> I started this thread when another thread disappeared, in which the OP didn't like the responses she got. It then reappeared in Private, for us to discuss.


Some of the mods discussed this and decided that the discussion on that thread was over. The thread was started by a user, so we were not comfortable leaving it visible on the forum. You could always start your own thread discussing the topic if you wish.



Hope1964 said:


> I'm not even here a whole lot - I am sure other people could find other examples of threads that have been deleted.
> 
> I'm not trying to be a **** disturber, I am simply curious. The rules seem to be fluid, with no input from the community. I get that the owners want to make money, and like someone else said, you need to adjust your thinking, and stop having the feeling that TAM really IS a community. Which isn't surprising - it's the way of the world now. No one truly gives a rats ass as long as their bottom line is agreeable to them.


If it was up to me, I would allow users to delete their posts and threads. It was like that for years. 

I tried to explain what the admins told us was their rational. Beyond that you need to take it up with the admins.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> Apparently all someone has to do, when they don't like the replies they get, is ask a mod to delete it.
> 
> So, what sense does that make? Why not just let us delete our own threads again?


In your case, Dear, I will never let it happen.

I kept all of your colorful threads and [from them] made a thinly veiled Canadian Quilt. 

It will not keep anyone warm North of the Border. But, for those living in the desert? Oh, yeah! Keeps the skeeters from getting through. Might work during your summer "Month" of mosquito hell.

I have stored your posts on my own cloud. Away from the likes of Chris and @Amplexor. And @MattMatt

@EleGirl knows about them. She made a pact to keep mum.

I am keeping her Mum..........hostage. A price I extracted for her silence. If she tells you that her Mum has passed, it matters not. I go back two thousand +years. I hold cross generational power.

Cross generational terror......I do.

And I did. And I will. 

As Willed, Shall.......

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
And yes, we shall protect the weak ass Liberals living in the Tundra. I will be coming for you..... When the Loon seeking Missiles are launched from the hamster of North K. Mountain.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Oh, dear TAMMERs...

It is all lies, never truths.

Many of my posts have "mysteriously" disappeared. You have seen only the "tame" ones.

The Good Ones are in the sack in the vault, locked away by the man hiding behind Chris's mask. 

Hidden by an advanced encryption, coded by Rijndael's evil Doppelganger. 

The Red Queen holds these there. I have looked and looked at Chris's face....not a Red Hair "Shews eeself from hind' theez Mask.

But, looking carefully, I may have seen strings.....that move as his hand moves.....dunno. My eyes be failin. My Ayes be failin.....only Nays be comin, or Neighs from me past life Centaur form.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> For Forum Supporters there are only 3 or 4 ads that display. Sometimes those ads take up so much in resources that they freeze the browser.
> 
> For example there was one that had some guy skiing down a hill. I ran in a loop so the video never stopped. And when it did run, it *froze my browser*.
> 
> Today the 2 ads in the right hand column are not displaying very often. Though I have not been online a lot from about mid afternoon until now.


Whew!

*Some of EleGirls posts have froze my browser.
*
I had to unzip and lay it in the Sun to unthaw the old thing.


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## Administrator (May 8, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> For Forum Supporters there are only 3 or 4 ads that display. Sometimes those ads take up so much in resources that they freeze the browser.
> 
> For example there was one that had some guy skiing down a hill. I ran in a loop so the video never stopped. And when it did run, it froze my browser.
> 
> Today the 2 ads in the right hand column are not displaying very often. Though I have not been online a lot from about mid afternoon until now.


would you be able to take a screen shot of the ads? 

Lee


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yungster said:


> would you be able to take a screen shot of the ads?
> 
> Lee


Yeah!

Take the ads and change the signs to minus.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Do you mean create a new account? People who do this are permanently banned.


How can you tell the difference between one person with two accounts versus 2 people sharing the same computer or wifi?


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## Administrator (May 8, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> Yeah!
> 
> Take the ads and change the signs to minus.


I'm not sure what that means.
Can you please take a screen capture of the 2 ads not displaying correctly?



NextTimeAround said:


> How can you tell the difference between one person with two accounts versus 2 people sharing the same computer or wifi?


Honestly, we are unable to see that forward facing, though members often reach out then they find that their accounts have been flagged. 
Then the team here on TAM are quick to respond and sort it out for them. 

Richard.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yungster said:


> I'm not sure what that means.
> Can you please take a screen capture of the 2 ads not displaying correctly?
> 
> 
> ...


I sorta, kinda got my browser, viz., Firefox, to run around in TAM's playground.

I turned my AdBllocker off, within TAM confines, only. You do thus by clicking on its Icon and clicking its Logo at the top of pop-up. It then goes dim...like some of our posters. Uh, not me!

I was [the one] howling at the Moon last week about being hacked. TAM locked up on me, etc. 

For my efforts, I received a Tin Foil hat. Thanks, though, it is a little too large. It settles down a tad too low. It blocks off my eyes.

Probably a good thing, THAT. The eyes are a Window into one's soul. I need not anyone peeking THERE. 

Too many skeletons dancing in THERE.

Some of those boneheads are thousands of years old, mind you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> While it was said at some point that the database had holes in it, that's not exactly right.
> 
> Even if a post is deleted (meaning not visible on the public forum) it still exists. Nothing is ever actually deleted from the database. As mods we can still read the deleted posts and threads. Even when someone replaces the content of a post (edits it) the old content is there. The database keeps every version of every post.
> 
> Nothing is ever actually deleted from TAM.


I have a theory that pretty soon background checks will include the message boards that you signed on to. EleGirl, at the moment, is there a reason that a law enforcement official can require the release of someone's activity on here?

Remember the flash in the pan celebrity that came out of the town hall debate last year. Some guy named Ken with a red sweater. I can't remember the reason why but he got set up with his own town hall after the debate but he immediately fell from grace after that. He used Reddit for the town hall and also his usual profile name. Turns out he had made disparaging remarks about women. 

What an idiot that he didn't think that people would not search on his name.


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