# possibility of reconciliation after spyware



## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

Not sure if anyone has read my previous threads but fiance and I have been separated since Feb. Last month of so things have been going good and I was hoping to be on the path of reconciliation. We started communicating more, talking, joking and getting along. I snuck in a couple kisses on the cheek and hugs. However she still didn't want to be together.

I messed things up this past saturday by leaving the website open for the spyware I had on her phone. She got pretty upset saying she was hurt that I would do that, but she wasn't angry. We have a 2 year old son. We havent spoken since sunday since she found out. We are going to sit down and talk tomorrow after I get off of work. What should I expect and is there hope for reconciliation still?


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

There is always hope for reconciliation if both of you want to put the work in. 

Her feelings are her own. If you want to feel love for someone you are with, you have to put love into the relationship. That's on her, sure if you are doing things to annoy her it makes that hard. So, you need to work on that. 

Sounds like she broke things off with you rather than staying with you and looking for someone new at the same time. That's a good thing. Something positive you should try to focus on.

Regarding the spyware, just let her know what you are thinking. Why you did it. Her pulling away from you had you suspecting maybe she was getting close to someone else. it's a classical sign of a cheating spouse. You did your digging and didn't see any evidence of it. 

Let her know what you want in your relationship.


----------



## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

gssteve said:


> Not sure if anyone has read my previous threads but fiance and I have been separated since Feb. Last month of so things have been going good and I was hoping to be on the path of reconciliation. We started communicating more, talking, joking and getting along. I snuck in a couple kisses on the cheek and hugs. However she still didn't want to be together.
> 
> I messed things up this past saturday by leaving the website open for the spyware I had on her phone. She got pretty upset saying she was hurt that I would do that, but she wasn't angry. We have a 2 year old son. We havent spoken since sunday since she found out. We are going to sit down and talk tomorrow after I get off of work. What should I expect and is there hope for reconciliation still?


Spyware shouldn't be a problem. Why is it on her phone? Did she cheat? Did you?

I'd say you just fess up to your reasons and get it all out. If you break it all now and rebuild it maybe you can start getting somewhere.

I'm 100% reconciliation if it's a possibility.. both parties want it and it makes sense. 

Good luck!


----------



## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Tell her when she told you she needed "her space", you went on TAM and everyone told you those words mean that she was cheating and then they told you that you need evidence so that you could expose her and her OM. So you followed what everyone said, bought spyware, and purchased two VARs. In fact, you can go under her car seat and show her the VAR with the industrial strength Velcro that she never noticed.

After all the spying, you find out she was cheating on you at all. In fact, she felt that your marriage was just in a rut and she wanted some time out. 

Blame it all on TAM. She should forgive you for it, but if she doesn't, then she is surely hiding something, and seriously cake-eating.

Okay. I hope you didn't take anything I said seriously. 

Be honest with your wife. You'll be fine.


----------



## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

"People with nothing to hide hide nothing"

That saying isn't always applicable (e.g. we probably don't all want our financial information strewn about for the world to see), but in matters of marriage, I fully believe in that saying.

I could see how a SO could be confused about finding out about spyware, but I don't buy offended. A normal person, IMO, would say, "Oh, wow, ok, you have spyware on my phone. That's weird, maybe a little creepy, but what have I done to make you suspicious? All you had to do was ask and I'd have shown you whatever you needed."

Your fiancee is hiding something. She's guilting you by acting like it's some huge invasion of her privacy.

In a healthy marriage, the only privacy that should exist is that which both parties have agreed upon (if any), and they usually don't involve hiding phones, FB, email, texts, etc from a spouse.

You should be posting in either the CWI forum or the General Relationship forum, because what you're doing is not reconciliation.


----------

