# My husband told a coworker she was sexy and she turned him on.



## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

*My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*

My husband was out of town for training for his job. A group of coworkers and him (including three women) went to a karaoke bar. They were all drinking. This woman's husband was there and make a comment about another woman. My husband said she was upset, so he told her He thought she was beautiful and sexy and she turned him on. There were other conversations that day by text with her. Including her telling him she would sing at the karaoke bar with this other woman because she was hot. Then later that night she rode with him and another man back to the hotel before they all met up again at one of the guys hotel to have a bachelor party. My husband and the other guy went and bought condoms as gag gift for guy at bachelor party. He texted this woman " Got the condoms, are you ready to go again?". He said it meant was she ready to go to the party with them again. All of this i found out when i happened to check his texts after he got back from trip. I was curious because he was acting different this trip.
I did call and confront both women. They say nothing happened and thought they did nothing wrong. They both said they thought of him as a friend only. One even replied to him after he told her she turned him on that she thought of him as a brother.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

I could really use some advice on this. Each time I discuss this with my husband, something new comes up or he adds to the story. A lot of what he tells me doesn't make sense. Does he think I'm that dumb to believe he said those things without any encouragement from the woman? Please Help!!


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

OK. It would help to know the story from your point of view. It looks like to me you saw the texts, confronted him, and this is the story he gave you. If that is the case, it is highly likely there is more to the story. Especially if the story keeps changing.

If he gave you the story from the start, before you saw the texts, it may paint a different picture.

The woman's husband was supposedly there with them? Where was her husband when she and another woman went to the hotel with your husband and another man? That part sounded odd to me. And women going to a bachelor party? The only women at bachelor parties I've been to have been . . . well, umm, OK I'll leave that alone. 

It's hard to say without more info, but my initial reaction is that something more is going on. I'm getting a divorce because of my wife's affair, so my outlook may admittedly be skewed.

One more thing, trust your gut. If your gut is telling you something is going on, it is likely to be true.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Your most definitely not getting the whole story but you probably aren`t going to anyway.

The behavior is seriously inappropriate at best, let him know that in no uncertain terms.

Let him know that it will stop right now and he does`t leave town again on his own for awhile.

He`s lost that privilege.

Keep him on a short leash and keep an eye on him.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*

yikes, clearly innappropriate, the picture you paint has him fishing for extramarital affection without a doubt. Other than his different behavior before this trip, have any other things seemed different? Hiding his cell phone, logging out of computer, changing his passwords, buying new clothes, etc?? You need to get to the bottom of what is going on, this doesn't seem to me like its an isolated event, though maybe its early on in his attention-seeking...


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

If he created this story after you read the texts, I've got a bridge I would like you to sell you, also deal in ocean front property in Arizona, if you believe him that is.....


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

My point of view: he didn't call much while he was gone, he extended his stay from 1 wk to 2 wks ( which he explained), he told me nothing about going out with a group drinking or to a "bachelor" party for a coworker that was last minute. He definately never mentioned women at the group outings. He came home the day after his training ended, supposedly couldnt get a flight out of atlanta..And I know this is stupid, but when he got home and we had sex...i could tell a difference.??
So I was curious one night after he went to bed and read his texts. The first one said from woman "I will do it with her because she is my friend and she is hot". One from him said "got condoms, are you ready to go again?", one thanked him for giving him lisa's number, on from the woman said, " That was a wild night last night, do you want to go again?". Then of course, there was his "You are a beautiful sexy woman and you turn me on"


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

I confronted him immediately after reading the texts. He told me nothing about any of it til then. Oh yeah, halfway thru his trip, he dropped his phone in pool and i didn't work. Well, it started working a few days after he got back and that when i read the texts.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

the husband of the other woman was supposedly out with the whole group and the woman wanted to leave early and just rode back to the hotel with my husband and other guy. Most of the group stayed at same hotel. The were supposedly going to all meet back up at the bachelors hotel bar to hang out and that was what the condoms were for. They decorated the lights at the bar.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

Did you get all that?? Im new to this


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The condom text is really odd to me. "I got the condoms--do you want to go again?"

Go again where? Like, have sex again??


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*

He used to work out a lot. He takes lots of work details out of town. Buys lots of new clothes. What bothers me most is he keeps defending this woman, saying she did nothing wrong. I also sent him emails as the other woman: he told her that he gave me a "its all my fault thing" and Im good now and that he deleted his texts before leaving work now. And told her he wanted to get together when he was in town to hang out after hours.


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## Wingsoflove (Jul 7, 2011)

Umm ya... something fishy is going on. "That was one wild night last night" really? Condoms for the bachelors party eh? And I agree with HurtinginTN.. What woman goes to a bachelor party unless they are working at the party? Something happened and he's hiding it from you


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*

Is the other woman married? If so, out her to her husband. And do so without telling your husband or her beforehand.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

He explained the condoms: said he was telling her they were leaving and was she ready to go to the party with them. He had an answer for everything, but those answers sometimes changed up or had more detail.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*

the other woman is married. I emailed the woman and called her on everything. she said they were just friends and yes she thought my husband telling her that was inappropriate. And if she had known i thought hanging out after hours with opposite sex was inappropriate, she wouldn't have hung out with him.

The other woman, denied everything. She did nothing wrong. They were just friends.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wings is right--hadn't even thought abuot that--I have NEVER been to a man's bachelore party. Women don't typically go to a dude's party.

Is the other woman married? If so, out her to her husband. And do so without telling your husband or her beforehand.

Him changing his stories is not good. 

And this could be me being paranoid but the whole story kinda reads like the woman was saying she'd "do it again" with the "hot friend" = threesome? And the condoms were for sex? And "do you want to go again" = have more sex.

I don't want to put ideas in your head but reading all the comments together, the picture gets painted that way for me. I mean it coulda been something a lot less crazy but who knows.

What do you mean by he was acting differently this trip. What was different? When he came back??

Explain.

Also, GET A VAR (voice activated recorder). Put it somewhere nondescript where he won't find it and record. You might pick up on something.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

realistic,

I can`t honestly piece together even a fair scenario that would fit those texts considering they are all the evidence you have.

I can tell you if I were in your shoes I would...

-Demand he no longer has anything to do with these co-workers outside of the job. No texting, calling, e-mailing, face booking..nothing.
-Inform him he has shown that since he can`t remain respectful when he`s away from you so he isn`t going anywhere for awhile.No out of town business trips until you regain some sense of security.
-I would check the phone bill for his text/call logs to see how often he is communicating with these women.
-Demand all his passwords e-mail/phone
-Place a VAR (Voice activated recorder) in his car 

But that`s just me


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

realistic said:


> My point of view: he didn't call much while he was gone, he extended his stay from 1 wk to 2 wks ( which he explained)"


What was the explanation?



realistic said:


> So I was curious one night after he went to bed and read his texts. The first one said from woman "I will do it with her because she is my friend and she is hot". One from him said "got condoms, are you ready to go again?", one thanked him for giving him lisa's number, on from the woman said, " That was a wild night last night, do you want to go again?". Then of course, there was his "You are a beautiful sexy woman and you turn me on"


Wow. One, I don't think being hot has a correlation to singing karaoke. Two, are these in sequential order? I know it may be hard to remember, but if you had the dates and times for each text available, you would be able to put together a better picture. If the last one you listed came before the wild night, then got condoms, then will do it with her, it paints a totally different picture than the order you listed them. 



realistic said:


> I confronted him immediately after reading the texts. He told me nothing about any of it til then. .


That is not a good sign.



realistic said:


> Oh yeah, halfway thru his trip, he dropped his phone in pool and i didn't work. Well, it started working a few days after he got back and that when i read the texts.


Again, do you have the date and time of the texts? Maybe check the phone log or the phone bill. Was it really not working or did he just tell you it was not working during that time to keep from getting interrupted?



realistic said:


> the husband of the other woman was supposedly out with the whole group and the woman wanted to leave early and just rode back to the hotel with my husband and other guy. Most of the group stayed at same hotel. The were supposedly going to all meet back up at the bachelors hotel bar to hang out and that was what the condoms were for. They decorated the lights at the bar.


Suppose I'm out with my wife at a bar with several other folks drinking and partying. She wants to leave early and wants to ride back to the hotel with 2 dudes. Well, I'm thinking I would be the one taking her back to the hotel. That one sounds off, as well.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like there was much more going on than he is saying. I'd go back and check old phone logs to see if there is a pattern of calling either one of these women. It may have been going on for a while.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*

Oh my. Well yeah, all of this was inapprop. especially speaking about condoms and a "wild night" with eachother. That just seems so weird to me. 

...You have two threads going. I wrote on the other one.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*



realistic said:


> My husband was out of town for training for his job. A group of coworkers and him (including three women) went to a karaoke bar. They were all drinking. This woman's husband was there and make a comment about another woman. My husband said she was upset, so he told her He thought she was beautiful and sexy and she turned him on. There were other conversations that day by text with her. Including her telling him she would sing at the karaoke bar with this other woman because she was hot. Then later that night she rode with him and another man back to the hotel before they all met up again at one of the guys hotel to have a bachelor party. My husband and the other guy went and bought condoms as gag gift for guy at bachelor party. He texted this woman " Got the condoms, are you ready to go again?". He said it meant was she ready to go to the party with them again. All of this i found out when i happened to check his texts after he got back from trip. I was curious because he was acting different this trip.
> I did call and confront both women. They say nothing happened and thought they did nothing wrong. They both said they thought of him as a friend only. One even replied to him after he told her she turned him on that she thought of him as a brother.


He is being jerk. This is way inappropriate. He has "boundary" problems.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

Problem with phone logs: this is his work phone. And I have no way to get that info. All texts were on same night or day except - that was wild night.
I think it went: thanks for lisas number, lisa is hot, your sexy, got condoms, that was wild night.

Also, forgot to tell you: I pretended to be other woman and emailed him. He told her " Good at home. I gave me wife the "its all my fault thing" and I can tell you i delete my texts before leaving work now. He also told her he hoped they got picked to be on a committee together so that they could get together and hang out after hours.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

His reason for extending stay was. The second class he took was full at first but there was a cancelation and he got in the class.

His phone was messed up when he first got home. But it cleared up.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

realistic, you are plainly not getting, or not willing to accept, the whole truth here. Without knowing the extent of his innapropriate behavior you can't make an informed decision of what you need to do. But MOST CERTAINLY you can't trust anything that comes from his mouth right now, you need cold hard evidence and he is not going to be able to provide you with it, so keep reading through the infidelity board here, and do some heavy reconnaissance before making your plan.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

realistic said:


> Also, forgot to tell you: I pretended to be other woman and emailed him. He told her " Good at home. *I gave me wife the "its all my fault thing" and I can tell you i delete my texts before leaving work now. He also told her he hoped they got picked to be on a committee together so that they could get together and hang out after hours*.




He is definitely covering something up. " gave my wife the 'It's all my fault thing'". Something else happened, it looks like.

Realistic--*GET A VAR*!!!!!!!!!!!

Question: you said you checked his phone when he got home. Why? Was he acting weird or you do that out of habit? Or has he been unfaithful in the past?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

realistic said:


> Problem with phone logs: this is his work phone. And I have no way to get that info. All texts were on same night or day except - that was wild night.
> I think it went: thanks for lisas number, lisa is hot, your sexy, got condoms, that was wild night.
> 
> Also, forgot to tell you: I pretended to be other woman and emailed him. He told her " Good at home. I gave me wife the "its all my fault thing" and I can tell you i delete my texts before leaving work now. He also told her he hoped they got picked to be on a committee together so that they could get together and hang out after hours.


You`ve got a SERIOUS problem realistic.

Has he always had this kind of work lifestyle or is this type of behavior a new thing?

You need to start digging.

Get the VAR
Keylogger on his computer, get some evidence because it`s there to be gotten.

Take a look at my previous post put a stop to his personal relationship with these people...do it now.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

Oh yeah, the night this all happened he didnt call me. I texted him next morning. He said he was sick the night before and he was even going to be late to class that day. When I talked to him that night, he said he thot it was a virus and still didn't feel good. Never mentioned going out or drinking or hanging out with men AND women. Said he stayed in.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

realistic said:


> Problem with phone logs: this is his work phone. And I have no way to get that info. All texts were on same night or day except - that was wild night.
> I think it went: thanks for lisas number, lisa is hot, your sexy, got condoms, that was wild night.
> 
> *Also, forgot to tell you: I pretended to be other woman and emailed him. He told her " Good at home. I gave me wife the "its all my fault thing" and I can tell you i delete my texts before leaving work now. He also told her he hoped they got picked to be on a committee together so that they could get together and hang out after hours.*


Ding, Ding Ding ... we have a winner. Ok this does it. Wow. He is a total player.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

I made him text both woman and tell them no more contact at all. He showed the texts to me. He doesn't get on computer at home, only at work. He has had this job for about 8 yrs, had similar job before. Works in fire...gone alot.

I checked his phone a few days after he got home when he went to bed early. I thought he acted weird while he was gone and...sex was different when he got home...


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

realistic said:


> I can tell you i delete my texts before leaving work now. He also told her he hoped they got picked to be on a committee together so that they could get together and hang out after hours.


Well, they may have already discussed this text exchange. If so, he knows you faked being her and he knows you saw his response. That will make them take it deeper underground, meaning hiding things better.

He mentioned here deleting his texts before he leaves work. That means they are texting each other inappropriately during work or he wouldn't have anything to delete.

Two scenarios, neither of which is good.

1) They have been having an affair for a while. This trip was a chance for them to be together.

2) They started having an affair on this trip and are now planning to continue it. They are already talking about how to keep you from seeing their texts.

Either case, they are having an affair. I would say 95% probability it was physical on the trip, even likely a threesome with "Lisa". Even if it wasn't physical yet, it is definitely an emotional affair. He is talking to another woman about hiding their texts from his wife. 

I'm sorry you are here. There are lots of resources.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How was the sex different when he got home? New technique? Rushed? 

I would save the email where he said "I gave her the it's all my fault line" for future reference.

GET A VAR! GET A VAR! GET A VAR! TN can help you with that since he's an expert.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

I emailed him as the other woman for a while, then he figured it out. Im not sure exactly when he figured it out. He asked the other woman how well she knew lisa. and told her lisa had been texting him. 

Then, think he figured it out. I told him did he want me to hook him up with lisa. He replied: i got it covered. she is in town and going to text him tonite to meet up.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How were you able to email him as the other woman? 



realistic said:


> Then, think he figured it out. I told him did he want me to hook him up with lisa. *He replied: i got it covered. she is in town and going to text him tonite to meet up*.


WTF?


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

I found out i was faking being her when he called her and asked her if she was emailing him. I really think the first two or three emails were real and he didn't know it was her. I know i probably blew it by doing this, but i had to know. Things were adding up. 

I have no way to check on him now, he would delete texts.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

just pretended to be her on email from private email acct.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

well...the sex was rushed somewhat and his ejeculation was less. He had been gone for two weeks...hello??


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

realistic said:


> I have no way to check on him now, he would delete texts.


There are ways.

Paging TN... Paging TN... 

GET A VAR!!!!!!!!! Do it today!


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

I don't know what a VAR is...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

realistic said:


> I don't know what a VAR is...


Take this...

Walmart.com: RCA VR5320 1GB Digital Voice Recorder: iPods & MP3 Players

Stick some velcro tape to it and attach it under his car seat.

It records when it detects sound so it will be able to pick up his side of any cell phone conversation he has in his car.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

My problem is he had an answer or explanation for everything. We have been married for 23 yrs. I just have to know for sure. I need proof. Contacting the women didn't help me. They were vague and very evassive. Never admitting done anything wrong. He is getting irritated that im not over this.

I hate to say this...but maybe i deserve it. We had a really bad time about 10 yrs ago for about 8 yrs. I was at a very low point and he was very angry and mean...and i had an affair.. I think this may be payback.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Something is defiantly going on. I am 95% sure he is having an affair. 


"got condoms, are you ready to go again?" He went out to get condoms to have sex with her again.. The story he gave you sounds like total crap... 

That was a wild night last night." As in they had sex...

If you are having red flags going on every which way, which i am sure you are, then chances are he is having an affair.. your subconscious already knows the truth. I hope he is not, but from what i have read so far he is...

You need to get more evidence.. 

Dont confront him again, until you get more proof. He can say that the text messages meant something different. (even though they don't) Confronting him lets him know that you are suspicious and he will take the affair deeper underground and make it almost impossible for you to find the truth.. 


A VAR is a voice activated recorder, GET ONE. You can pick them up at walmart for pretty cheap... Put it in his car somewhere he will not find it. You might be surprised what you might find once you listen to it....


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

Realistic, what REASON did he give for lying to you? Why did he say he told you he was sick instead of just telling you he was going out with the group?

Has this been an issue in the past? Are you the jealous type? IOW, what would prompt him to lie (even if he was trying to get in the girl's pants)? I mean, it would be pretty easy to say "I went out with the group for some drinks last night" without admitting he ended up with a woman. So, what is in your relationship that he would lie about something that innocent and simple?


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## aeg512 (Mar 22, 2011)

One thing you can do and you need to be firm with this request is to tell him you want him to send you pictures of the party within one hour. One hour should give him time to obtain them. Tell him you will find it hard to believe that they would string up condoms and no one took pictures. Can anyone here remember a party of this type where pictures were not taken, even though they shouldn't have been? There is a whole lot more to this than he is telling you. Also, even though it is a work phone he should be able to get a call log for the two weeks he was gone. He could use the excuse that he received a business call and the number is not showing and he forgets which day it was. That could tell you whether the phone really was out of service for several days or not.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> GET A VAR! GET A VAR! GET A VAR! TN can help you with that since he's an expert.





Jellybeans said:


> Paging TN... Paging TN...
> 
> GET A VAR!!!!!!!!! Do it today!


Not a title I ever wanted. I think they covered it pretty well.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Contact the H. of the woman he said he was hot for----see what he knows, you might be able to use him as an ally

Matters not that you cheated in the past----he is cheating now, and you know it, it is now that you are dealing with!!

Don't take any crap from him, tell him what he is doing, the flirty conversations, the going out---tell him its inappropriate, and WILL stop---You are letting him know you won't tolerate this anymore, w/out giving up your evidence, and keep on working to get solid evidence

You MUST have some actionable consequences, if he continues to stray on you---words, are meaningless


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*

If that were my H, he would be in the doghouse for sure....what was he thinking? Surely, he can't blame it all on the alcohol...
Somebody seems to have forgotten his marriage vows.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> Not a title I ever wanted. I think they covered it pretty well.


Well, nobody ever wants these titles or to be a part of the "Coping" club but dammit, we are GOOD!


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## StrangerThanFiction (Jul 19, 2011)

he's lying through his teeth, obviously.

he will continue to text them but delete them before you can see them, and no way to verify he's not since its his work phone. Is it an Iphone and does he sync it from home? If so it is possible to recover text records from the computer.

you need evidence and since he's lying to you the only way to get it is by keylogging if he uses a home computer and/or using a VAR, as others have suggested.

you dont say if he knew about your affair 10 years ago but either way, i'd say it doesn't excuse his actions now...

i'd say the "explanation" for the "bought condoms, you ready to go again" was so ludicrous as to be beyond belief... that would seal it for me


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*

I would say he is having a affiar..those are all lame excuses and I would say go again, meant more sex....I am gettign out of a 11 year relationship right now and things that seem to ovious to others are very foggy when you are in the relationship until you are done....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*

Tell the OW's husband. That should cut off THAT avenue. How is your marriage?


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*

I thought our marriage was good, even though he is gone a lot. We had been working on things over past few years since my affair. I really want to believe him and would love to hear a positive turn on this. Maybe he is telling the truth and he did nothing but make a pass at a woman...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

*Re: My husband told a coworker that she was sexy and she turned him on*



realistic said:


> I thought our marriage was good, even though he is gone a lot. We had been working on things over past few years since my affair. I really want to believe him and would love to hear a positive turn on this. Maybe he is telling the truth and he did nothing but make a pass at a woman...


You`re fooling yourself, these are not the actions of a loyal spouse.

Tell the OWH.

Install the VAR and see for yourself.
This relationship isn`t innocent and I think you know it.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

He gave no reason for lying about not telling me about a group going to a party. He just said idk, didn't want you to worry. 

I wouldn't say I'm jealous. He has had a woman in a hotel room before and said they only kissed. He told me about this on his own and was very remorseful and cried. He also told me about a time when he was on a trip that he went to club and got a lap dance. He said it was all for me - so that when we had sex it would last longer.

In past he has been very emotional distant and has problems being compassionate.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

If he uses the computer at home, look at the internet history. That is where I found the hotel my stbxw was staying in with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. That is also how I found out he wasn't "just a friend" initially.

You can also install a keylogger if he uses it much. I never did this, but I found plenty with other methods.

I got a VAR at Radio Shack. Put it in his car, as mentioned. I got conversations with the boyfriend that way. My stbxw sat on the computer and played games a lot. I also put a VAR on the desk inside a box of checks (Nice little decoy). It caught another conversation or two.

If he uses the home phone much, Radio Shack also has other methods. I won't elaborate since I don't know the legalities. 

None of this is admissable in court, from my understanding. However, it will teach you to trust your gut. Every thing I found, I already knew in my gut. I gave up the surveillance game a good while ago. If my gut says something, I simply listen.


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## realistic (Sep 7, 2011)

My only question is if he wanted out of the marriage he could have got out when i had my affair. And now, he could get out if he wanted. We have been arguing over this for two months now. Why is he staying??


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## StrangerThanFiction (Jul 19, 2011)

realistic said:


> he went to club and got a lap dance. He said it was all for me - so that when we had sex it would last longer.


trust me, the lapdance wasn't for you...

It seems that he has a bit of an "i'll tell you part of the uncomfortable truth on my own, before you even ask, so you will believe its the whole truth" thing going on.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

realistic said:


> My only question is if he wanted out of the marriage he could have got out when i had my affair. And now, he could get out if he wanted. We have been arguing over this for two months now. Why is he staying??


Maybe he did it for the same reason I did. To see the look of total and utter devastation on her face. I'm not proud of it, but that's why I had my A after she had hers. Maybe he's staying because he still has feelings for you?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

realistic said:


> He gave no reason for lying about not telling me about a group going to a party. He just said idk, *didn't want you to worry.*
> 
> I wouldn't say I'm jealous. He has had a woman in a hotel room before and* said they only kissed*. He told me about this on his own and was very remorseful and cried. He also told me about a time when he was on a trip that he went to club and got a *lap dance. He said it was all for me - so that when we had sex it would last longer*.
> 
> In past he has been very emotional distant and has problems being compassionate.


These are CHEATER WORDS. I've seen the last one before, and I've seen the first 2 at LEAST 20 or 30 times by men who SWORE they didn't cheat - and then later got caught cheating.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

realistic said:


> My only question is if he wanted out of the marriage he could have got out when i had my affair. And now, he could get out if he wanted. We have been arguing over this for two months now. Why is he staying??


 Because you replaced his mother. You take care of him like a woman is supposed to. You keep him from having to cook, clean, wash, and take care of kids (if applicable). And you're free sex.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

turnera said:


> These are CHEATER WORDS. I've seen the last one before, and I've seen the first 2 at LEAST 20 or 30 times by men who SWORE they didn't cheat - and then later got caught cheating.



:iagree::iagree: "Cheating" is a whole different language than "English". 

"We're just friends" = "I either want to or actually am giving them the most amazing sex ever."

"You are paranoid" = "Yes, you are dead on, but I want to make you feel like a fool."

"You are just jealous" = "Crap, how do you know so much? I can't think of anything else to say. Oh, the jealous card."

etc.


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## Thumos (Jul 21, 2020)

Huge red flags. Huge boundary issues. Not the first time. Sorry.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

ZOMBIE thread from 2011.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your going to need a time machine


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Where there is smoke there is likely a smouldering fire. It sounds that 'something' bad happened that involved your husband. However, until he is PROVEN guilty by failing a polygraph of how the condoms were used, he should be given the benefit of the doubt.

I've been out of town a few times on business trips with female colleagues. Sexy banter happens, especially when alcohol is invloved after the business meetings have concluded for the day. Teasing words are shared freely as part of the process of winding down for the day. Sure, some of it is inappropriate, but it happens in mixed company and is mostly harmless banter AFAIC.

I NEVER followed up any inappropriate 'talk' on business trips with actions that compromised my marriage! I can't speak for my travel companions of course. What went on in their hotel rooms after hours is a complete unkown.

Ask Hubby to take a polygraph! If he refuses, he is guilty! If he fails it, he is guilty! Thank you Captain Obvious!!!

However, if he passes it, you'll both owe each other an apology!

JMHO.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

ah_sorandy said:


> Where there is smoke there is likely a smouldering fire. It sounds that 'something' bad happened that involved your husband. However, until he is PROVEN guilty by failing a polygraph of how the condoms were used, he should be given the benefit of the doubt.
> 
> I've been out of town a few times on business trips with female colleagues. Sexy banter happens, especially when alcohol is invloved after the business meetings have concluded for the day. Teasing words are shared freely as part of the process of winding down for the day. Sure, some of it is inappropriate, but it happens in mixed company and is mostly harmless banter AFAIC.
> 
> ...


You found a time machine ?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie Kitty has identified that this thread must be closed down.


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