# Ex keeps doing REALLY annoying things



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Shes been gone 3 years. I send him to school in nice clothes and she will send him back to me in the clothes that are too small and no good. She knows after a while, she is collecting the good clothes I buy and Im left to buy more.
She will amke it so that I have to buy the winter coats, gloves and all. She is content sending him in a hoody when its 30 out. 
She knows i will do it. If I pack a lunch that has tupperware in it,,you better beleive it aint comming back. 
If he wins a trophy and I have paid for the event, yes she keeps it. She does a million things like this and i rarely say anything bc I know if I do,, it will make her do it more. 
Anyway of stopping this!!!


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

You keep loving your kid and you let her keep using your kid to get back at you.

Kids aren't dumb. They know the score, and you "win" in the end when they know that you love him and she is just using him as a pawn.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Larry's right.

But if you don't like that answer - do you pay child support? If so, perhaps you should just email her that he needs something such as "I noticed that today it was below freezing and johnny only had a sweatshirt on and no gloves. Please make sure he is dressed for the weather. Thanks."

Don't send him home in new stuff. Let him wear the stuff you buy and send him back in the older things that you have accumulated. Personally my daughter packs a bag and brings it all back and I was all of it. 

Is her home his primary home? Then that's where the majority of his trophies, etc. should be. If it's 50/50 then ask the mother for some of the trophies as you are 'redoing his bedroom'. 

Yes, she's being PA. Maybe you should read up on how to deal with people like that. 

As to coat/gloves, that can be a personal safety issue so if she doesn't respond to an email by making sure he is dressed warmly then suck it up. 

Choose your battles - sounds like you haven't resolved your feelings about her.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> The trouble with this is also that your son loves you and probably wants to wear what daddy bought him since he doesn't get your affection as often as he used to. You are stuck in a very tough spot and reading would help. I experienced this and could not continue to purchase more and more clothes. I honestly did not have the money to do it constantly.
> 
> Your ex is just letting you pay for something that is costing her and she believes you should be providing so that she can use the money you are giving her for other things she deems are important to her relationship with your son.
> 
> ...


border on this issue too. In TX, cant touch the child support amount...period. Just have to document and take back to court someday. I feel your pain though.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

And let me share something that I learned from the book Divorce Poison which I thought was counter intuitive but correct.

We are told by everyone we know to not bash the other parent. So often we take the high road and simmer in our anger at being taken advantage of and our kids never know the full extent of what we do for them or how the other parent is abusing the system in that grey area.

We should not BASH, however, children do need to understand that no one is perfect. We can be honest without putting kids in the middle. I learned that I can acknowledge that kiddo's father is frequently late. I am not bashing him. I can SAY that I feel being late is rude because it implies that their time is more important or that the other person has nothing better to do than to wait around. I can tell her that I feel being punctual is important even if her father doesn't think so.

You can certainly tell your son that he will need to leave the clothing that you buy at your home because Mom needs to buy clothing, too, and that you realize all of the stuff you buy seems to end up at her house. Your son will realize that it's not fair for you to buy stuff and then never see it again. You aren't bashing her to him; you aren't insinuating that she misappropriates funds. You are merely stating how you feel about your purchases and what you want to see happen. 

If your son feels strongly enough about not having decent things at his Mom's he will have to ask her or you will have to broach the subject with her by saying "Ex, Johnny has expressed that he wishes you would buy him some new pants. I bought some for him to leave here that are a better fit so now he needs some new ones at your house. He doesn't want to complain so I thought I'd let you know".

Different ex's require different approaches - maybe it needs to be more direct "I provide child support and I don't mind buying him things on occasion but I've noticed he always has on old, ill fitting clothing when he comes here even though I've purchased 3 new pairs of pants, 4 shirts and a pair of sneakers. Will you be buying him some new things, too?"


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Sort of in a similar situation..

I would text or email her everything you are saying here but in a nice way.. 

Just wondering so I don't have to read all your past threads, are you the Wayward or Betrayed Spouse.. Not that it matters but if you're the WW I can understand why your Ex is like that.. 

Doesn't make it right.. Just understandable..

You need to document stuff though.. If you went into court and gave dates and instances it holds a lot more weight than just I did all of this and this is what she does.. 

Take pictures.. 

My Ex does similar stuff with school trips and paperwork.. Medical bills and such.. She might buy my son 1 thing to my 4 or 5 things.. She says she is financially strapped as she needs my CS to help pay the rent for the apartment her and the other man live in.. 

I text her and explain she needs to pay her part of the medical bill regardless. Dentist doesn't take IOUs.. And should be thanking me for paying her half of the bill instead of giving me excuses..

The other man already uses my truck for his work, you think he could afford the rent.. 

But I tell you I hate this d0chebaggery people pull once divorced.. Ruining everyone life just isn't enough..


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