# Support Today-not managing to let him go!



## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Help I am struggling today to just let him go. I need to bring up the subject of finances for when husband leaves. I have not done begging or pleading yet, just asked him to try to see if things would work out while he was waiting to leave , but he said his mind was made up. I know he had not made the decision lightly, took 7 months and me pushing him at that. 

Was hoping he would see what he is going to loose, but time running out and I know he is a bit troubled with other things and part of me knows he needs to sort himself out.

I just feel cheated that when he said I am only 20 % of the problem that we cannot try to work through this.

I am really tearful today and think I am going to say lots to him today about how it all could be ok. My rational side knows however that this is just my thoughts, not his. Am I going to blow it, or shall I try. He needs to know that I don't want to loose him without a fight.

Thought of telling him first that I am not in denial. have phoned my son in Australia to tell him we are separating, but need to tell him how I feel.


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## girltrax101 (May 6, 2011)

Oh my lord Reindeer, I do know what you're going through and I'm so very sorry someone else is in my shoes. It's heartbreaking isn't it....


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Thanks girltrax, I can feel your empathy. Sorry to hear you feel like this as well. Must really try to be cool if just for my own self esteem, but not sure if I can....


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## Momof2inMT (Apr 9, 2011)

You CAN do it. Beathe, and keep busy today.


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## 52flower (Mar 4, 2011)

It's a waste of time but thoughts keep running through my mind wondering if I didn't handle it well and our marriage could have been saved if I did better. But without him wanting only me and only us, it wouldn't have been good. I would have had only half a husband and half a relationship. It hurts so much because you want them to want the relationship but that choice is in their hands. I feel your pain. Know people care about you.


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## BluePink (Apr 2, 2011)

It's disturbing how many of us are in the same situation. I feel so sorry for those in the past who've gone through this without the help of message boards to get them through it. 

No matter what you do, it's what you needed to do at the time Rein. Just remember to keep trying and hope that it gets easier. I'm seeing that I'm a bit better most days now but it's mostly because he's still here.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Yes this forum does help so much, no judgment but lots of support from people like yourselves who really understand are here on a day to day basis. Thanks for your replies.

Well it's the morning after the 'night before', and yes-Idid the 'talk'. It got me nowhere, but I don't regret trying.

I won't go into it all as it would be too long. BasicallyI asked him to stay so we could work on changes we had both begun to make. He said he has made his mind up to go, does not want to change his mind and said he has so much resentment towards me that he does not love me. Thinks some of that might change if we are apart. His main 3 difficulties with me.

He does not like the person I have made him become-which he feels is controlling. I don't agreethat people should pass responsiblity on to someone else for making them who they are. I do accept responibility that my behaviour may have influenced that.

In the past I have had a few episodes of drinking too much, mainly to drown out problems. By episodes I mean a day every now and again, not a dependency problem. At these times I bring all my feelings up. I don't shout or be viloent, but I do tell the truth about how much he has hurt me in the past. I no longer drink in that way, have not since before Christmas. Have no inclanation to, especially at the moment. Only had one glass of wine in the past week. He thinks it will start again.

He thinks I have no interest in him!!!! I am in a no win situation here. If I ask him things he thinks I am checking up on him.

He still wants his wedding ring, does not want a divorce. Now what, do I start to practically ignore him while he is still here. Do I remain friendly, I don't want to play games, just to do what is the easiest thing.

No doubr he will ask me to walk the dog with him which we do together on Sundays. Wonder if I will go. If I do will Italk more?...... I just don't know


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Bluepink I just read your thread. I am pleased that you have gotten through your cancer. You said your husband is still with you. How is that going with the two of you, as you said things seem a little better?


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