# Tired of being Sad



## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

I'm not trying to save my relationship. I had 16 great years with my wife and kids and in April she asked me to leave and like a dope I did. Over the last 8 months I have grown as a person and asked for Gods guidance. I have been chasing this woman in a 16 year one-sided relationship because I loved talking to her, providing affection and support, helping build her career, and I truely loved caring for her and the kids, and about bankrupt myself to provide for the family. I had purpose. Now... not so much. In the end she stated that I am controlling, needs space, wants to find herself, gave too much to everyone but herself, and etc, etc just like the cheaters script. I have given up on trying to control or improve the situation. I believe God is telling me to move on and that it's the best for me although it hurts terribly. Nothing I tried ever got her to turn around and want me again so I take that as a sign...

The problem I have is it is obvious that she is seeing someone else (although she says different) and it irritates me she will not admit it. I found some stuff on a keylogger and VAR and still she does not admit it and just pushed me and all my dreams away. What do I do with this heartbreak? It is hard to understand these cheaters. Since I gave her so many years, tackled so many of her problems, you would think a good fella who has risked everything and loved her unconditionally would deserve the truth. It just hurts to be taken for granted and tossed out like trash.

So I sit here in my flat and think about it. I know I can find better if that's what I want...but I hate loosing my family but I figure it's what God wants. I guess...

How do I break the cycle of feeling the loss and feeling sorry for myself? How did my beautiful fall for the boys of summer? Doesn't she know that about no one is going to support her like I did? Do these guys in bars really get her or plan to love her and support her and my kids like did? When will she realize that she has screwed up big time? Will she ever?


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## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

Another sad fact is I keep talking to her and accepting most of the blame. I was not meeting her most important emotional needs or speaking her love language. Now she wants freedom...

Why didn't I wake up years ago? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result...it's insanity.


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## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

I got a VAR in her bedroom and have countless recordings of her masterbating and talking to men on the phone... hurts so bad. Mid life crisis.... it sucks.


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## dredredre1 (Dec 13, 2011)

WhyinSC...I'm sorry to hear your pain as I'm going through the same thing with my stbxw. Your last post is painful, i can only imagine the extra heartbreak. I wish you the best in life and to move forward from here. We have to accept that we cannot change the way they feel and focus on fixing yourself.

How many kids do you have btw? I have 3 and the hard thing is I really do want to move forward in life without possibly dealing with her but i know that I'll have to because of our kids. Try to keep yourself occupied and to be surrounded by those that provide you emotional support.


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## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

I have two kids 14 and 18. I don't know what to do with myself. I helped raise my stepson for 18 years and now i feel a little taken advantage on. How can people screw you over so easily?


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## KatiezMomma (Nov 17, 2011)

I am in the exact same place was you Why, I gave my all to my stbx and he found someone else after 15 years and suddenly its done. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for him, I gave up my fantastic career that I loved to be a stay at home mom for our daughter because thats what he wanted. Nothing was good enough, including me. Nothing is more painful than this. As cliche as it sounds, it will get better. When you are at the bottom of that deep pit, the light looks so far away but take small steps towards and one day, you will find it.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

I know how you feel I wake up everyday and remember she cheated and has played me like a grand piano living a totally deceptive life.
Feel like I'm in such a rut while playing make believe 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

WhyinSC said:


> I got a VAR in her bedroom and have countless recordings of her masterbating and talking to men on the phone... hurts so bad. Mid life crisis.... it sucks.


I stil ldon't know what to do with this in my head.... anyone got any ideas? Friggin sad.


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## cyan (Dec 4, 2011)

Yeah... stop torturing yourself. Don't use anything to check up on her; just let it go and move on. The only thing this sorta stuff does is cause you heartache and grief.



WhyinSC said:


> I stil ldon't know what to do with this in my head.... anyone got any ideas? Friggin sad.





WhyinSC said:


> I got a VAR in her bedroom and have countless recordings of her masterbating and talking to men on the phone... hurts so bad. Mid life crisis.... it sucks.





WhyinSC said:


> I found some stuff on a keylogger and VAR and still she does not admit it and just pushed me and all my dreams away. What do I do with this heartbreak?


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## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

cyan said:


> Yeah... stop torturing yourself. Don't use anything to check up on her; just let it go and move on. The only thing this sorta stuff does is cause you heartache and grief.


Thanks for the advice. I'm going to stop it and move on. It's very sad it came to this but I cannot control it. It's not my fault. She is taking a road that will bring her pain but I cannot help her anymore. In time I guess I will get over this...


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## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

KatiezMomma said:


> I am in the exact same place was you Why, I gave my all to my stbx and he found someone else after 15 years and suddenly its done. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for him, I gave up my fantastic career that I loved to be a stay at home mom for our daughter because thats what he wanted. Nothing was good enough, including me. Nothing is more painful than this. As cliche as it sounds, it will get better. When you are at the bottom of that deep pit, the light looks so far away but take small steps towards and one day, you will find it.


I feel for ya Sister... I just want to know what God wants us to learn from this? It can only make me jaded and what good is that? I'm not a religious person but I throw God in there because I don't know who else would allow such a thing. I'm not "better" yet but hope in time I will be.


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