# She cheated.



## Spouse (Jul 13, 2009)

She was being very uncommunicative, always irritated, and just generally staying out, although most of the time she had a legitimate reason (work, school, etc). 

We argued often but I never thought she would actually go ahead and do it, but one day I was upgrading her phone and came across text messages with her and another guy - about how good the anal sex was, out of all things. 

This happened a few months back and though I've been able to let go of most of the anger, deep down I can't really forgive her. I see her as being weak-willed and just generally untrustworthy. 

Another major problem is that her and me are sort of stuck together. She has no family here and so a divorce is completely out of the question unless I'd like to completely ruin her life (she'll literally be out on the street). She knew this and cheated anyway, and then blames me for not spending time with her.

I don't know what to think or feel. I don't know what I can do. My self-esteem is in the gutter and deep down I'm developing a hatred for her. Especially because I view her as being very weak-willed and .. idiotic.

She's always angry; We have sex once every 2-3 months and it's the worst sex of my life; and we have completely different interests and values. I don't know if the marriage is worth 'saving' or if it can be saved at all. The fact that she cheated adds more incentive to just let it all dissolve and start anew. 

*HELP. Just say something!* I'm too ashamed to mention the fact that she cheated to anyone, and have nobody to talk to about this.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

How many children do you have? That is the only reason I would even consider keeping her. Cheating has consequences and you can't be someones savior in this case without destroying your own self respect. Sex every 2 or 3 months? You're just going through the motions. Have you taken her name off your bank accounts and credit cards. You need to. Dump her and go find someone who won't cheat on you.


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

Spouse said:


> Another major problem is that her and me are sort of stuck together. She has no family here and so a divorce is completely out of the question unless I'd like to completely ruin her life (she'll literally be out on the street). She knew this and cheated anyway, and then blames me for not spending time with her.


She was very selfish to cheat on you- don't take the blame. If you don't want to be with her anymore- tell her that because she cheated you don't trust her and she needs to move out or move back to where she has family, she needs to take responsibility for what she did. Don't put her out on the streets, but don't just let her off the hook because you don't want to ruin her life... or go to counseling and try to work through this.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

for gosh sakes she had anal sex with another man, she needs to be on the streets and you need to start over. yes it will be painful, but it will get better with time.


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## XiaSulin (Jul 5, 2009)

If you think there is no hope, and no way to repair what she did, or the relationship at all and you can't leave her because you don't want her on the streets, then I'd recommend helping her get to a point where you'd feel more comfortable in leaving her.


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## Spouse (Jul 13, 2009)

We don't have any kids. Just a crappy marriage.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Done deal. Dump her. She can always go back to her family in her country of origin. If they ask why. Just copy her e-mail to them regarding her penchant for anal with the OM.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Tip of the iceberg. If she is willing to do that with another man, she is not worth keeping. So she is on the street! Her problem.

If she is willing to risk her marriage and all your support of her for a little backdoor with another man, then let her go and YOU find someone decent to be with.

That she blames you for her failings is galling.

Divorce her.



Spouse said:


> We argued often but I never thought she would actually go ahead and do it, but one day I was upgrading her phone and came across text messages with her and another guy - about how good the anal sex was, out of all things.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Don't settle for being her second choice, she uses you for your paycheck and then gets it from another man. You deserve better then that. show her the door and divorce her.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I believe her cheating is enough of a reason for you to leave. Cheating can be worked through within a marriage, but the cheater needs to take full responsibility and want to regain trust, work through the issues within the marriage and show true remorse.

IMO, if those things are lacking, it will be difficult for you to forgive her and move past this.

She works...she can figure out what to do...she can probably rent a room from someone for cheap in the short term.


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