# Do you ever feel this way?



## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

We just celebrated by son's graduation from High School at my place (Woo Hoo!). My wife was there, her family, and all had a great time giving my son his day in the spotlight. When it was over, my wife left with my daughter, the family left, and my son left to spend the night with friends. A great day once again ends with the hard truth of a broken family, and an empty house. I felt angry, frustrated, and am so tired of my wife looking at me with bitterness underneath her superficial smile. I have changed, attempted to reconcile, asked for forgiveness, and have been rejected at all attempts. I feel like I should be dumping her for this broken family she can't seem to decide is worth saving. Do any of you feel you should change roles from trying to save the marriage, to being the one who ends it.


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

Have you tried treating her with respect, but pulling back a bit? If you say your the one trying to save the marriage, it sounds like your doing a lot like I was and pushing maybe a bit much. 

If she wants to reject you, don't give her the chance. Take away the things that she was rejecting and don't do them anymore. 

If your son graduated, you should have more time on your hands to possibly pick up some old hobbies and put some satisfaction back into your life. Who knows, maybe that bit of change for yourself might be just the trick for her to start seeing the person she loved at one time!

I don't know your story, so that could be way off, but it is helping me to take control of my own life again.


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

jdlash said:


> Have you tried treating her with respect, but pulling back a bit? If you say your the one trying to save the marriage, it sounds like your doing a lot like I was and pushing maybe a bit much. QUOTE]
> 
> Hi jd and thanks for the reply. I have indeed pulled back since she moved out two months ago. I am definately in a better place, and am learning to establish boundaries regarding her treatment of me. Our separation has actually allowed me to consider moving on without her, and regain my lost self confidence. Not long ago, I couldn't even consider this. I've noticed it is during family events with the kids, that my emotions really surface, causing anger and frustration.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Andy,

I changed the dynamic between my wife and I.

I also set a mental time limit as to how long I would wait.

From rock bottom (for me) to my awakening was a full year.

I decided to allow her that full year (from the day I woke up).

It took 7 months.

I would rejoice that your son got his day and you all cooperated to give him that.

The process you are in takes diligence, time, and patience. But, once you are on the right road, patience is a virtue. There is no "easy" button.

And, yes, it was becoming increasingly tempting to pull the plug.


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