# Worked at 'our' house tonight



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

As I've mentioned in another thread, I'm a happy DIY-er, crafter, etc. We are getting ready to sell the house so we can get through the D, and it needs some projects to be finished. I was there about 10 days ago, and it was really triggering. First time there myself and my son since I left in July. It seemed so dark and oppressive. I just kept telling myself that every floor board I put down was one step closer to selling the house and getting money to start over.

Was there again tonight, and it was surprisingly better. STBXH was supposed to be gone shortly after we got there, but his plans changed and he was around for over an hour. I just went upstairs, put Pandora on the laptop and got to work. That stupid station played so many songs that had 'meaning' with us, many that I hadn't heard in ages. One in particular I loved before I'd ever met STBXH. I decided that if I gave up everything in my life that had a connection to him, I'd have very little left, including my son. So I turned up the music as loud as I could and started singing along. It helped. It also helped when I realized : Gee, this is just like before I left. I'm working my a$$ off and he's getting ready to go out with friends all night. Good reminder. Got over 1/2 the floor done now and it looks great. 

I also found a box of our wedding photos. On our 10th anniversary last year, he told me that he doesn't like to think of our wedding because he remembers how depressed and angry he was inside. HUH? That's not how I remember it. There was absolutely nobody involved who said anything other than that they could see how happy we were and how much in love we were. They told us our wedding was one of the best and most fun they'd been to in years. I opened the box of photos and looked to see if I'd notice anything different in his face after hearing what he said last year. Nope. He still looks happy and we still look like we were in love. 

I'm really beginning to think my IC is right. He's doing the history changing and black/white thinking. He needs to make his decision feel right. I wonder what he would see in those photos. 

I also found myself thinking that I wish I'd had someone who appreciated it that I knew how to lay flooring, bake a cherry pie, balance a budget, sew, change my own oil, run a small business and give a dynamite BJ. (Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.)  I've already lost 30 lbs, and when I get done working on my issues, I'll be damn near perfect. :biggrinangelA:

Geez, I hope a crash isn't coming...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LOL.... good to hear it went well and you have a good attitude!


----------



## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Well done.
I hope I'm where you are at soon
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

LOL - I am sure if you put that list of your attributes on an online dating site men will be lining up at the door! 

You sound like you had a great day.
I always worry about those crashes too.


----------

