# How Long Do We Sit Out?



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Once again, after reading over so many other posts, I see that there are some waiting 3-6 months to a year and over in being separated before they get the answer that they have to move on without their spouse. Sitting on the sidelines, waiting to see if we are going to be taken back by our significant others... putting our lives and time on hold.

They have continued on with their lives doing whatever and whomever they please. Here we sit like a dog waiting to be thrown a bone and for a little bit of attention. 

Maybe they feel that we would never pursue anyone else because they know that we love them and that we may have deep feelings for them. They know this because we keep telling them that and we give up a part of ourselves just to beg them to please turn around and look our way once again... for one more try.

So, my question is... how long are we supposed to wait to see someone else or actually live again?

I mean... we've played by the rules, we've given it all that we could and still ended out in the cold. What are we supposed to do when someone else shows us some attention? Being alone and wondering what will become of our lives while our spouses live it up and try to figure out just what it is that they want. How long are we supposed to put our lives on hold while they have moved out and on? I mean... I'm human too!


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well I don't think you should ever put your life on hold for them. Once they move out, Plan A is over. You have to start working on Plan B.

Plan B is moving on with your life and making yourself as happy and attractive as you can be. Either your partner responds to that and wants back in, or they don't. You can't control their choice here. Either way though you are putting yourself in a better place.

I think if your partner wants to walk out on you on one of these selfish "breaks", you're completely entitled to seek your own happiness and new love. There is absolutely no assurance that they will ever return. The longer it drags on, the less chance you ever have of seeing them come back.

I don't hard hard data on time seperated to % chance of getting back together, but I doubt there is much point waiting beyond the first month. I don't know if I would wait much longer than that personally.


----------



## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

I think only you can decide that DS. I guess you have to determine why your W has left, I know thats hard, and if she really wants to come back or if she is just using you as a safety net. 

I read your other thread and I would ask if she is finding herself or just looking for another man. She knows you love her and probably will keep you on the hook as long as she can. The question you have to answer is if she loves you the same. 

I wouldn't go out and find a new girl friend now as it will complicate the situation even worse. I'd probably give your W one last chance to come back.


----------



## cpt_confused (Dec 29, 2009)

Man - that is a great question... I wish I had the answer. I so badly want my wife back, but I'll be damned if I am just going to wait on hold indefinitely.. I mean really - even IF they wanted to come back this second, would we take them back unconditionally? I know I wouldn't. Things have to change, and I think we are willing to change on our parts, but they have to be willing to change too. They have to grow up and be an adult and work through the issues together like they promised to when we were married. But now, those promises are but hollow and ash.

IMO, my will wait much longer than a month for my wife to come around, but that's me. I do love my wife, unconditionally, just like I promised to do - I am a man of my word. But I will continue to make myself happy, do things that make me happy (although I have not found those things yet - everything I do is forced, there is no happiness in my life at the moment), and try to imprive myself. If she comes around and grows up, great. If not - well I will cross that bridge when I come to it...


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

I was just throwing the question out there. Yes, I do love my wife and I do want for her to come back home... but then again, this is the second time that she has walked out of the door in her quest to "find herself". So, where does that leave me... again?

I guess that this question and others have been running through my mind due to the fact that my birthday is coming up soon and I know that I am going to be spending it alone. I hate to sound like a little kid instead of an adult, but I don't think that anyone should be left alone on their birthday. If the tables were turned, I would cook for her on her b-day and do something nice for her. But I have to resort to finding something other than drinking myself into a drunken stupor.

I have had some friends and associates who have offered to treat me out on my b-day, but I have a sneaky feeling that if I accept their offers, then she will feel that I am somehow sleeping with my female friends or out looking for women with my male friends. So it turns out to be a no win situation... and I get to spend my b-day alone.

You see... this is the very thing that I am talking about. We sit around waiting on them to make up their minds, and in the process we put ourselves on hold. I have invited my wife to come and have an evening at my home and I have offered to spend some time with her. I do not suggest these things or ask her for these things on a regular basis, but at least I am trying to show her that I am attracted to her both mentally and physically. At first, she accepts... and then at the last minute, she calls to tell me that she can't make it. So what do I do? Well, I have always said that it was okay and that I understand. When does this happen in the reverse? When does someone else understand me. I'm the one who played by the rules, and yet... here I am.

So the question is a very valid one. I'm not looking for "paybacks", I'm just trying to get my life in order. I can't live this way forever.


----------



## cpt_confused (Dec 29, 2009)

Man - that is tough..

If my wife wasn't still living in my spare bedroom I would invite you down here for your birthday.. h3ll, depending on when it is, she may be gone... I have a boat too you could sleep on  Not huge, but not too shabby either 

That really sucks what she did to you at the last minute - but as far as going out - you really shouldn't worry to much about what she thinks if you go out - some of the books I have read said that placing a little jealousy in your wife's mind may be a good thing... they say women in this state of mind want what they can't have, and if they know you will always be there, then you become boring... BUT - if you are out, enjoying life, doing what you want to do - you all of a sudden become interesting again and something they want, because they cannot have you on their terms.. Now I am no expert, but I am trying this (not that I am dating or anything, but she doesn't know that), and she is being nicer to me, but nothing had changed in our relationship - yet.. I have just started this.

You are always there with great words of wisdom and insight, and I wish I had your articulation at this moment. But I can tell you to hang in there and keep your head up.. Your a good man, and in the end, good things will happen to good people - it's karma, and you can't fight it....


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi, 
I don't know why we sit and wait and why we seem to think it's okay to do this. I feel that somehow we have lost a little of our own self respect and somehow it seems alright just to wait and hope for the answer we want.....If I heard a story of someone else doing this I would say why would they do that, if the spouse left why would they wait around and hope......
I think you can hope they come to their senses but I think we must keep our self respect and move forward with our new lives and find happiness in a different way then what we are used to. 
If they come back and it all works out I think we would all be overjoyed and I'm sure we would all be different people. 
We can only control ourselves, I think we all have wasted a bit of our precious lives, looking needy and feeling helpless.
I say keep busy, keep an open mind to new opportunites and let's just see what happens.....
Just a thought better than just sitting around.......waiting for what


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You do not sit and wait, as has been said. You begin moving on as though things will NOT go back as they had been before (and of course, they never can go back to what they were, so it's logical, not just good news!).

Do not date unless you really, really want to. Some people may pressure you to do so, but that is the least important part of this gift you've been given--a chance to explore your life alone. Embrace it as a gift, and phrase all the sad stuff in a way that highlights a new opportunity: "Well, since I can't spend Saturday evening with him/her, what do I want to do?" Be venturesome--go bowling on your own or with a friend. Browse bookstores alone. Honest to goodness, you can learn to love being on your own and you may find that you are perfect company for yourself. The reality is, IF your partner wants to return, you may have discovered that you do not "need" him/her around at all, and you will then be able to think clearly about what you want, and at what cost. I do not mean, play a game of revenge and punish them for leaving--I mean, take the opportunity to get to know yourself really well, and rejoin (if that's what you choose) from a position of (inner) strength. 

Live each day fully and you won't have any regrets, regardless of what happens. Sadness, maybe, but not regrets. Good luck.


----------



## cpt_confused (Dec 29, 2009)

Sisters,

While I appreciate and agree to a point with what you said, I have some philosophical questions...

I am not putting words int DS's mouth, but some of us have a deep desire to share our existence with someone.. I know that I hate coming home to an empty house.... I have so much love to give that I feel if I cannot share it with someone that it is a waste....I do truly enjoy my life, and life is so much better when there is someone there to share all the joy with, that it is hard for guys like us to get over the fact that we no longer have that person in our lives to share the joy and love with... and that really hurts... it is very hard for us to imagine not sharing that joy with someone that we truly love, because in our minds that is the only person who understands our feelings... am I making sense? So how do we become happy with ourselves when our lives and happiness had been built around our ability to share our joy and happiness with the one the we truly loved?


----------



## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

Hope for the best but plan for the worst my friend. I will uphold my vows until the papers are final. I am a man of my word. 3 months have passed with 3 more to come. 

While I will seek out conversation with women, I will not take it past a stage where emotions become involved. No way. I hate that my wife cheated and continues to act as if her vows are no longer valid. She is in her own little world and I can no longer worry about her anymore. I need to concentrate on our kids and myself.

That does not mean I put everything on hold until I get the papers to sign. No, I still need to deal with the everyday challenges of being a single parent while building up myself - getting the kids to school on time, helping with homework, cooking, going to work out to stay in shape, sleeping regularly, eating well, working or at least looking for work), etc.

Do what's best for you whether she comes back around or not.


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

I was thinking that this is a question that maybe we have all had somewhere in the back of our minds. I mean you either know for a fact or you may have some round about ideal that your significant other is spending time with someone new. Now, that doesn't have to mean that they are involved romantically with someone. It's just that they aren't spending the time or doing things with you (speaking in general terms) that you would do as a committed couple. I think that also adds insult to injury.

From what I've read, this situation has hit us coming from out in left field. You might be aware of some turmoil, but for the most part, you don't see this nightmare coming. So... you feel ambushed, betrayed, and anything else that rips your heart from inside of your chest.

We seem to be slaves to some extent to what our significant others are going to do. We're like kids in a way trying to get the cute new girl/boy in our class to like us and hold our hand during recess. Jessi's comment was rather interesting... "If I heard a story of someone else doing this I would say why would they do that..." I couldn't agree more! That would go under the category "Giving Advice & Not Following It Ourselves". 

For the most part, we are pretty well aware of the fact if our spouses are interested in working things out or not. If you can't save the ship, you head for the lifeboats and protect yourself. Eventually, we're all heading for the lifeboats. 

There is nothing wrong in trying to patch up your marriage/relationship, but it takes two. If the other person isn't willing to do what it takes to make things better, then begging surely isn't going to work.


----------



## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

This is a good question. Someone posted to me not long ago that after what I have been through who would want to spend time with me. Its true I have lost 20 pounds and I wasnt overweight to begin with. Im an emotional freaken wreck right now. Lonely is putting it mildly. My self esteem sucks. I want to say its because the person I was with for 18 years told me they didnt love me any more and they decided to love someone else. I dont plan on ever letting another person define who I am again ever. This has been too painful. I will work on myself. I will go to the divorce care meetings. I will read my bible. I will get myself in shape. I will spend as much time with my kids as possible. I will read as many self help books as it takes. I will not break my vows because I am honorable if I am nothing else. The question was should we put our lives on hold. The answer is a resounding no. However the ones that are unfaithful are still putting their lives on hold because they are moving on with another person not by themselves. They are not growing or maturing in a spiritual or mental way. They are just looking to another person to fill what they should have been looking for in themselves. They will not find it there and we all know that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cpt_confused (Dec 29, 2009)

Noidea - well said.. and 100% correct!!!

20lbs eh? why is it that we all lose weight when this happens? I have lost 30 (i didnt consider myself that overweight before, but now I feel I look good - as should you).... This is one good thing that has come of this - I have totally changed my eating habits (I eat totally healthy now, as junk food makes me sick) and I eat about 1/8 of what I used to.. combined with working out, I have transformed myself into a healthier person during this most trying of times (with exception of drinking - I still tie a good one on every now and then)  we are not perfect 

Good post and advice well worth heeding..


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Dreaded_Soulja said:


> I have had some friends and associates who have offered to treat me out on my b-day, but I have a sneaky feeling that if I accept their offers, then she will feel that I am somehow sleeping with my female friends or out looking for women with my male friends. So it turns out to be a no win situation... and I get to spend my b-day alone.


Well actually having attention from other women is a huge attraction trigger. The idea that you may be getting hit on is going to get her attention. She may seem pissed, but she'll get a gina tingle. You hiding under a rock for your birthday is just going to be viewed by her as weakness = no gina tingle.

Also you may have fun.


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

The more that I think about it, the more that I feel that I should accept these offers by others for my birthday. Why should I have to suffer anymore than I already have? I deserve to have a good time on my b-day.

I have been pondering this over the last few days. Part of the reason of why I have rejected previous offers was because I was saying to my self that if she saw me with any of my female friends, then it might make her feel uncomfortable about herself and further this divide.

Then I've said... this has been about her all along. Not once did I sign up for any of this. I did all I could to reason with her to not leave. Yet, she's gone (like the Hall & Oates song). 

I don't have a solid answer on how long I should sit out, but I can say this... I am not going to sit out for my birthday!

cpt_confused... we might have to meet up one day anyway, just to have that beer. I'm sure that it will do us both some good. At some point, we all have to start living again.


----------



## cpt_confused (Dec 29, 2009)

You are on - anytime...I will buy!! 
I spend a lot of time in Clearwater too - for work - which is closer to you I believe... But seriously... have some fun on your b-day... you deserve it for all the kind words of wisdom you have shown for so many here.. me included!


----------



## findingpeace (Mar 14, 2009)

DS I feel exactly the same as you I have been on the fence for over one year now it seems like the longer we wait the answer to our question about waiting gets answered for us and we no longer have a choice except move on no matter how painful the decision is I am a christian man who strongley believes in forgiveness and reconciliation but it takes two people in a relationship for it to have any chance at all I have been faithful even till now but being alone in limbo is a very painfull place to be and eventually we have to decide to let go so we can heel and find someone who will love us the way they are suppose to but I ahve learned that we all have our own time frame in wich we decide to move on really nobody can make that decision for us it is ultimatly our own choice good luck to us all that are in limbo hell take care ....


----------



## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

ds -I'll speak plainly
don't stay at home on your birthday if you have an invite.
why do you care what she thinks?
you can't drive her away ds -she's gone 
and you having fun on birthday with people of any gender aint gonna sway the balance -
enjoy the attention from the rest of the human race
I know she is the one you want - but she is only one person


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I've agreed to a six month trial separation - so I'm giving it six months. Been criticised on here for giving it that long, but I still think its better than living together and being at each other's throats for six months.

I think the B-day invites are great - but remember that you are still married, so don't do anything you'll regret.

I'm separated - but I'm not "dating" - not so sure about her though. Hell, I thought she was dating when we were together - she thought she was just spending time with friends.

I turned down a lunch request from an old friend one day - and have kicked myself for it ever since. I don't think I need a female "drinking buddy", but I do think I need more friends - men or women.

We know what is and isn't appropriate. As long as we are still married, we need to be faithful. But we also need to broaden our social support networks too.


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

knortoh said:


> ds -I'll speak plainly
> don't stay at home on your birthday if you have an invite.
> why do you care what she thinks?
> you can't drive her away ds -she's gone
> ...


Good morning everyone. I agree that everyone has their own time frame and circumstance as to when things are going to happen for them. In my experience, I've learned that the best way to handle certain things is to face them head on.

I don't mind being told no or even some rejection. But it is when I am constantly rejected and told no that I feel that I have to really re-think my position on a lot of things. They say that time heals... and to some degree I completely agree with that. On the other hand, time is something that neither of us have a lot of.

Yes, I do appreciate the time and attention that my spouse would give me. But that is the issue... she's not. How long am I to wait around for her to decide whether or not she wants to take part in our marriage again? A marriage is a union... a union of two people. What we are living and going through is not a union. We can call it what we would like, but this is not the way that it is supposed to be.

My grandfather passed away 25 years ago, and my grandmother is still in love with him. She hasn't dated anyone since him. Whatever happened to that kind of love? A love that is so strong that it binds the two together for the rest of their days. We live in a very "me-istic" society in where people feel that it is easier to forget than to try to manage and communicate.

When I think of someone trying to "find themselves" (I still have no clue as to what that means), I think about someone taking a walk or a hike and enjoying the experience and the adventure. By doing these types of things, they feel a closeness with their god and creator (if they believe that way). How is it that this means leave your spouse, throw in some confusion, do whatever, and painfully hurt the one who you took a vow to love and cherish for the rest of your days? How does all of that fit into the equation?

I love my wife... yes, but I am also a human. My life has been placed on hold long enough. The choice for her to leave was her choice. It's not like I didn't do all that I could to save whatever I could and stop her from walking out that door. And I am sure that a lot of you guys have done the very same thing. I have cried in front of her... and that did not move her. I have talked calmly to her... and that did not move her. I have reasoned with her in a question and answer session... and still, nothing would sway her to stay.

In my case, I have done all that I feel that I could do. She has to make up her own mind, and in a lot of ways... I feel that she already has. I don't run to her anymore. I don't call her in the morning to hear her voice anymore. I don't call her to say good night or ask her how her day was anymore. She goes out and visits friends and whatever else. As for me... well, I sit at home hoping for a phone call or a visit from her. How insane is that?! Love is a funny thing... although, I haven't been laughing too much as of late.

knortoh... you are correct and I will go out for my birthday. A friend of mine has scored some tickets to go and see "The Phantom of the Opera". I love that play and I am going to take them up on their offer to see it. I can't possibly do anymore damage than what has already been done. She left me, now I have to find a way to live without her. If she comes back, then we will discuss how our lives will be together. The door is always open for her if she wants to come back.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Dreaded_Soulja said:


> When I think of someone trying to "find themselves" (I still have no clue as to what that means),


For valentines day, we should get these people a mirror and a GPS.


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> For valentines day, we should get these people a mirror and a GPS.


I agree! Although I am still inclined to believe that they will still fail in meeting the objective. And I am saying this while still having faith!


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

> So how do we become happy with ourselves when our lives and happiness had been built around our ability to share our joy and happiness with the one the we truly loved?


You redefine what makes you happy. People do it all the time. We will all still feel sadness at a loss--that's normal. But too often we invest too much of ourselves in what should be an additional source of joy, not an "essential." We give another the power to break us by thinking, "I couldn't live without him/her." Of course you can--you did before that person came into your life, and you will after. Often, too, the sense of loss is also a sense of fear/insecurity--don't know if that is the case here, but it's worth considering. On a gut level, it's the assumption, "I'm worthless without his/her love; I was ok b/c s/he loved me, so without that love, I must not be ok." How much is your self-esteem tied up in what other people think of you? Losing one's lover is a scary blow to those who have not learned to be truly happy and content with who they are. 

Think about it this way: if you hear a joke, can you laugh and think it is funny even if your partner isn't there to share it with? Sure you can--it's funny to YOU. So you really like sharing the joke with your partner, but even if you cannot, you still enjoyed it. Start thinking about what made you smile, laugh, and feel good--even before you had a chance to share it with anyone. Those are good clues to who you really are. Do you like the way a workout makes you feel whether or not anyone is there to appreciate how fit you are, for example? Does listening to jazz help you relax? If you weren't obsessing over how your partner isn't there to hear it with you, would it help you relax? (or maybe it helps you stop obsessing; even better). There is an emotionally self-sufficient person inside each of us--tapping into who that person is and what makes him/her "happy" is not only important for our mental health, but really is the way to prepare one's self to be an excellent life partner--willing and eager to share, but never dependent on the other for your happiness. Hope this helps.


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

sisters359 said:


> Think about it this way: if you hear a joke, can you laugh and think it is funny even if your partner isn't there to share it with? Sure you can--it's funny to YOU.


Excellent analogy. This is why I believe that we should grieve for awhile and then turn our boat so that our sails can become full in the winds.


----------



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

How long too wait..less than 2 months isn't enough time. After that...more than a year is too long. 

That's is purely an opinion with many variables. 

The waiting is the hardest part.


----------



## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

I totally understand Mr. Dreadloc's. 
I feel the same way. I keep thinking I am going to do something or say something wrong and really seal the deal. How stupid am I? Its been a friggin year and 11 days. After my complete losing it moment I really pushed him away. We haven't even spoken in over a week. Just text messaging (so personal, ugh) So now I feel like I really screwed up. Because I am paying for it even more. At least before that he was hanging around and helping with the kids at least 5 days a week. Now I doing everything by myself. He just rented his first place and will be taking the kids from me some days. Which is too much for me right now! 
I obviously do not have an answer. Don't follow my lead I suck in this department.


----------



## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Dreaded_Soulja said:


> My grandfather passed away 25 years ago, and my grandmother is still in love with him. She hasn't dated anyone since him. Whatever happened to that kind of love? A love that is so strong that it binds the two together for the rest of their days. We live in a very "me-istic" society in where people feel that it is easier to forget than to try to manage and communicate.


Wow great question DS, same with my mother when my Dad passed. I don't think that type of love exists too much anymore. Loss of faith, loss of purpose on earth, loss of values ? I don't know. But you are correct things have changed. That's why I think there will never be another for me, because I'm afraid I could find no one that shares my old fashioned values. It's hard to say if I could trust anyone again either. 

Hope you had fun on your Birthday !!


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Thanks Notaclue... but my b-day is a few weeks away. Not too far away though.


----------



## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Dreaded_Soulja said:


> Thanks Notaclue... but my b-day is a few weeks away. Not too far away though.


LOL, sorry have a great birthday anyway !!! I think you deserve to have some fun.


----------



## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

Your question is one that i dont think has a set dead answer but is only a answer we ourselves as individuals can answer, i no the love i have for my wife and kids is nothing short of true love and i for one honestly did set out on two different occasions to move on dispite my feelings.. I went to my old town seen old friends and word got out i was in town , i even met up with a ex girlfriend who i had strong feelings for and it turned out she did still for me as well, but to make it short she was all about doing something and when it was that time i was not .. I too am a man of honor and i respect and honor my vows to my wife i will not do anything till it is final and so far she hasnt even made that move yet.. I want to be hopefull exspecially after i got a IM today that has my mind just going in circles but i am also trying to harden my heart and put walls up as well , and i am finding that more difficult then i thought ..
As for wanting to live again i too want that as well just dont seem to be happy without my kids and her in my life all the time .. I know her and i still get along very well and have so much in common and still "click" when she isnt being or acting so cold cause sometimes she does break down exspecially lately it seems ..

But the fact is i dont think there is a time but there is a time when being complacent has to end and i think this is where the so called alpha male part has to come in we all act as the beta right now to show our soft supportive side 

but how long do you do that before you put that foot down and put a little force to the issue?? Now that might be something to look at .. what you think on that part ?
I am like vivioid in this to me my wife and kids are worth waiting for and doing what ever it takes, to me giving up is not a option in this , i feel if i gave up i give up on my family and that is something i dont think i can live with..
But if someone does have a sure answer and sure path to recovery in these situations please let us all know , cause we all hurt deeply im sure


----------



## cpt_confused (Dec 29, 2009)

DS - How are you doing today... didn't see any posts, want to make sure you're ok..


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

I'm okay. Thanks for asking. I've been a little busy the last few days and when I came home, all I wanted to do was shower and sleep. And in that order!

It's nice to see that someone misses me! Thank you.


----------



## dumped4another (Dec 16, 2009)

Hey DS, I haven't posted here in about a week or so, but I just stumbled across your EXCELLENT question. January 29 will be 1 year since my wife broke the news to me, and yes, I'm still clinging to the fantasy that she'll come back. I cherished my family with all my heart and it's been ripped from me. I've been replaced and it hurts pretty much the same as this time last year. I WISH I could be the kind of person who mourns for a couple of weeks and moves on. This Sunday, my borthers and sisters are coming here to start emptying out the house. I'm, at long last, starting to take the first steps of the rest of my life. I'm scared, excited, depressed, happy at the same time.

NOIDEA brought up a great point in that, in the long run, I'm going to be the one who works on myself, by myself, to become the stonger, new and improved person, on my own terms. My W has NEVER been on her own and has some issues, like all of us. She, like me, needs to work on growing spiritually, mentally, etc instead of looking to another person to fill in what she should be doing for herself. 

I guess the answer varies according to the person. I'm very sentimental by nature therefore it's no surprise to me it took this long. Of course, still being in the same house around the women I was absolutely crazy for didn't help either. So bring on Sunday! Finally some steps in the right direction, albeit baby steps.


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

D4A... Congratulations on moving forward. The steps are never easy, but at some point, we all have to make them. One day, your wife will really see what it is that she gave up. These things have a way of haunting people who feel that the grass is greener on the other side.

Yes, everyone has their own time frame as to when they feel that they can get back into the game. It's like learning how to walk again. We're always a little nervous and it takes a little time, but eventually, we're up and running.

Sometimes, the best revenge (not to say that any of us are looking for revenge), is to live well and be successful in whatever it is that you do. With that being said... go on and live your life showing her as little attention as possible and move forward.


----------



## lovinghimforever (Dec 14, 2009)

I have decided to move on. I learned last night that I am putting too much effort into something that just isn't there anymore.

It's hard and it sucks but I know that I can do it. I don't plan on dating for a long while as I'm still married and respect that, plus I can't even picture myself with anyone other than my Husband. But as far as calling him, texting him to wish him a good day, to reassure him that I love him, I'm done. I get nothing back and I'm the one that looks like the pathetic fool who can't move on.

Someday he'll realize what he lost and by then it will be too late.


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

lovinghimforever said:


> I have decided to move on. I learned last night that I am putting too much effort into something that just isn't there anymore.
> 
> It's hard and it sucks but I know that I can do it. I don't plan on dating for a long while as I'm still married and respect that, plus I can't even picture myself with anyone other than my Husband. But as far as calling him, texting him to wish him a good day, to reassure him that I love him, I'm done. I get nothing back and I'm the one that looks like the pathetic fool who can't move on.
> 
> Someday he'll realize what he lost and by then it will be too late.


...and another has reached their limit. This is what I was talking about. It's not always about trying to find someone else for the absent intimacy... but it's more about how long are we supposed to put our lives on hold?

Our spouses have us pretty much figured out. It even seems like that they become sickened by our wanting to love them, desire them, and just make things work out with them. Eventually, you can only be turned away so many times. After that, the thinking changes and the self preservation kicks in.

You may find it hard to ever be with anyone ever again because you are still in love with the person who you've dated and married long ago. Your husband is no longer that person. You never know what the future has in store for you. Never say never.

Right now it is good for you to do what you have to do to get your mind and spirit back into shape. Take this time out for you and spoil yourself a little. Yes, by the time he figures it all out (if he ever figures it all out), you'll surely have moved on and you'll even smile a little more.

Congratulations.


----------

