# Is going back going backwards?



## simplelife (Aug 25, 2009)

Hello,

I have just joined this site and was really relieved to see that there is a place to post these questions, so I hope you can help..
I have been separated for 9 months. Before this time after six years of unsuccessful fertility treatment, we decided to go travelling. I gave up my job, we sold the car, rented the house out and I set off a few weeks earlier. When my husband joined me it turned out that he had met someone else (several months previously) and did have the heart to tell me until we were travelling (all of 3 days).

I have spent the last months putting myself back together again (which I think will take some time). I could go on and on but the point is he has just contacted me and wants us to go to counselling.

I know I am rambling but I have found this so upsetting as I was trying to close a door and move on. But when your best friend calls and you could go back to your old life, it is so tempting....but then, although lonely and unknown, I feel excited about new things too?

Any advice on my ramblings would be really appreciated

thanks


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

I don't see anything wrong with counseling... it can help you if you decide to go back or continue on your own. Maybe you can tell him that you'd rather see someone on your own and then together...or not. New and exciting is fun too


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

simplelife said:


> I know I am rambling but I have found this so upsetting as I was trying to close a door and move on. But when your best friend calls and you could go back to your old life, it is so tempting....but then, although lonely and unknown, I feel excited about new things too?


I know what you mean. you were probably ready to move on and then he opened the door again. that would be hard. just give yourself some time to work through it. you did it once, you can do it again.


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## fhaye (Aug 26, 2009)

Going to a marriage therapist for counseling is good for you both. He is trying his best to make things work out and able to continue with your life together. It shows that he really loves you and able to know what you need and not for the basis of what you don't have. click here to learn more about counseling.


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## simplelife (Aug 25, 2009)

Thanks for all your thoughts. I know the main thing is to give it time. but I want an answer so I can go back to my life without feeling like there is a mountain of uncertainty staring me in the face. It is really hard to get on with other parts of my life. I am buying a house (as our house was sold) it feels like I am just 'playing' at being single. 
I could do the counselling thing but we have been there. Maybe I am just not ready to meet him yet. I know I want to I just seem to be an emotional washing machine on the spin cycle


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

I think you should go talk to someone on your own to help you figure out if you even want to give it another try. You don't owe it to him to give him another chance, he had his chance and he messed it up so you need to do whats best for you now and he will just have to deal with that. He was very selfish in cheating on you, maybe he doesn't deserve you anymore. Don't feel bad about hurting his feelings, just worry about you


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

anytime I went back, it turned out bad... 
I'm not one for going back.


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## angiesh2 (Aug 26, 2009)

I read all these posts and it reminds me very much of where I was less than a year ago. I was the one getting dumped and it felt like it was something I would never recover from. It’s amazing how much we beat ourselves up, usually after WE were the ones getting dumped on to begin with. I ended up going to a life coach, because it seemed the breakup was spilling over into every avenue of my life and I had no idea how to move on and move up. Part of me didn’t even want to. But, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. She taught me how to heal, move on, and (probably most importantly…) how to seek out people who were not just good for me – but great for me. I guess I did find I had some insecurities and things from the past that I had hung on to which put me in a stuck place with no idea how to grow past the pain of being dumped. I now have an awesome person in my life who doesn’t MAKE me who I am, but compliments my life and it feels great! I guess I would encourage you to find someone, whether it’s a close friend, life coach, mentor, etc., who can help you walk on in your life and make good decisions so you can get the most out of the short time we all have here. Good luck to you!!


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

preso said:


> anytime I went back, it turned out bad...
> I'm not one for going back.


Going back can work if both decide to work on what caused you to seperate. If only works and te other doesn't then it won't get better. My wife and I seperated 5 years ago and got back together for the kid and didn't fix the problems. Now here we are in same boat 5 years later and she hesitates on working on it cause it didn't work last time but she didn't work on her issues either and this time we are seeing a MC.. All depends on how much effort you give it. I refuse to give up on us..


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Blonddeee said:


> I think you should go talk to someone on your own to help you figure out if you even want to give it another try. You don't owe it to him to give him another chance, he had his chance and he messed it up so you need to do whats best for you now and he will just have to deal with that. He was very selfish in cheating on you, maybe he doesn't deserve you anymore. Don't feel bad about hurting his feelings, just worry about you


:iagree:


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## simplelife (Aug 25, 2009)

thanks for all of your advice. I have decided to see a counsellor on my own next week. Hopefully that will help me get a handle on it.


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