# My husband won't admit his affairs



## Chadandjulee (Jul 6, 2017)

Hello, my husband had an ex that ended up passing away. Her and I became friends. 
She told me they slept together a few weeks after him and I started dating and again a few years later at his job. Then a girl who was 22 and he was 36 said she and him slept together in our suburban and he even drove our daughter to daycare with this woman in car. She gave me details about his tattoo on waist, the car etc. he admitted to being with her that day but not refuses to admit they had sex and refuses to admit that he did with the ex. 
Well we owned a daycare for 7 years and an ex manager told me he slept with Def 2 employees and 1 possible because she witnessed her and my husband walk out of the office after closing sweaty and clothes ruffled. He will not admit to any. I know in my heart it's true there's no reason for the former manager to make it up. And she told me 4 years after we closed it because I had a feeling and just asked her to tell me the truth. One of the girls is her best friend and the other a close friend. 
What should I do? I have told him I would drop the subject if he would just be honest and he won't admit to it.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Cheaters will never be honest. From his perspective

1. if he lies, he gains a chance of you dropping it and the status quo continuing, meanwhile you will spend years agonizing over it, it destroys you mentally and emotionally

2. He tells you and you dump him of course this is not a good option for him

YOu already have enough evidence, I know the desire for closure/exposure/truth from him but tbh you do not need it.

What do you want to do?

If you want to leave him, get a lawyer, expose to family and friends, do the 180 to detach and get those papers.
Get STD tested too.


If he agrees to come clean, ask for a polygraph.

He knows if he stays quiet, option 1 is still open, but at what cost to you?

Do you have kids?


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

Welcome to TAM. I know your pain, dealing with your partners infidelity is tough, it comes down to how much you are willing to take from him, how much pain you can take before it destroys you, the man will never admit to nothing so you have a decision to make for your own sanity. You are obviously a savvy woman with good instincts for when things are not right, use that common sense to ask yourself if you really want to be with this man who only brings you down. 

Love and peace.

KevinZX


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

They never admit - particularly brazen serial cheaters. Doesn't sound like much of a catch


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Either "he starts talking" or "you start walking" ~ right over to a good family attorney's office to help lose you from this walking, talking, serial-cheating scourge and for you to further "walk away" with some 50% of his total assets!

Be sure to tell him that in no uncertain terms! I do believe that he'll receive your message rather clearly!*


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

If he ever tells at least some trickle truth -- Have him write a timeline of events of his activities. Each time, date and time and what they were doing or going before and afterwards. What kind of sex they had. Was it protected sex or not. As you give these instructions, watch him. You can tell a lot from his reaction. You too, write down events as you know them. 

(BTW, You can use this written evidence later against him if you need to)

Regardless, bring him along to see your doctor and get tested for STDs. Both of you. He has exposed your life to dangerous health related threats. Even if he denies, get checked. Trust your gut. It will let him know you are bloody serious about this matter.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

How would an admission change your quality of life? 

In your mind he is already guilty. If he confesses, any doubt is erased. He can't prove he is innocent, so either way you live with the pain of a betrayed spouse. Give it some thought. It's no way to live, in my opinion.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Trying to pry the truth out of a cheater is usually a losing game. They see no benefit to telling the truth so they don't.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

He doesn't need to admit it. You already know. He's a serial adulterer and you apparently plan to turn a blind eye to his many past and future affairs, so what does a confession change?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You know what happened. What is the goal in getting him to admit? Are you looking for an admission or an apology? Or given that you know he cheated, do you just want to leave?


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Chadandjulee said:


> Hello, my husband had an ex that ended up passing away. Her and I became friends.
> She told me they slept together a few weeks after him and I started dating and again a few years later at his job. Then a girl who was 22 and he was 36 said she and him slept together in our suburban and he even drove our daughter to daycare with this woman in car. She gave me details about his tattoo on waist, the car etc. he admitted to being with her that day but not refuses to admit they had sex and refuses to admit that he did with the ex.
> Well we owned a daycare for 7 years and an ex manager told me he slept with Def 2 employees and 1 possible because she witnessed her and my husband walk out of the office after closing sweaty and clothes ruffled. He will not admit to any. I know in my heart it's true there's no reason for the former manager to make it up. And she told me 4 years after we closed it because I had a feeling and just asked her to tell me the truth. One of the girls is her best friend and the other a close friend.
> What should I do? I have told him I would drop the subject if he would just be honest and he won't admit to it.


He wont admit it, my XW was openly seeing another man and still denies it to everyone and everyone knows it a lie. 

You need to show him you are serious will not accept it anymore or just accept he will always cheat and lie to you and live your life like that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Chadandjulee said:


> Hello, my husband had an ex that ended up passing away. Her and I became friends.
> She told me they slept together a few weeks after him and I started dating and again a few years later at his job. Then a girl who was 22 and he was 36 said she and him slept together in our suburban and he even drove our daughter to daycare with this woman in car. She gave me details about his tattoo on waist, the car etc. he admitted to being with her that day but not refuses to admit they had sex and refuses to admit that he did with the ex.
> Well we owned a daycare for 7 years and an ex manager told me he slept with Def 2 employees and 1 possible because she witnessed her and my husband walk out of the office after closing sweaty and clothes ruffled. He will not admit to any. I know in my heart it's true there's no reason for the former manager to make it up. And she told me 4 years after we closed it because I had a feeling and just asked her to tell me the truth. One of the girls is her best friend and the other a close friend.
> What should I do? I have told him I would drop the subject if he would just be honest and he won't admit to it.


Why are you still with a liar and a serial cheater?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He probably will never change.


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## Chadandjulee (Jul 6, 2017)

WHY well I obviously like to punish myself I suppose. The details of one of the stories alone was horrible. I was taken to work and he dropped me off and picked her up. I have lupus and at that time it had started creating a bunion on my foot and I was in a boot and ha did to leave the house I was cleaning since he didn't show up to pick me up and I spent 3 hours walking from one city to another trying to locate his phone. 
IF he would admit it and apologize I feel like I could move past it and forgive him and stop obsessing over it and mentioning it. I don't know.


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## Chadandjulee (Jul 6, 2017)

He knows I have said if he would admit it I would def drive it. I made an appt at a therapist for us to go see next week and even told him if he would just admit it we didn't even have to go.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Chadandjulee said:


> He knows I have said if he would admit it I would def drive it. I made an appt at a therapist for us to go see next week and even told him if he would just admit it we didn't even have to go.


You seem to think that if he admits it he won't do it again. Wrong. Do you honestly want to stay with a man who lies and cheats and deceives? He isn't to be trusted. 
He has shown that he is a terrible husband and isn't going to be faithful. If you are ok with that then fine.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

So, your husband made your marriage a sham and your life a lie, he lied to and betrayed you repeatedly with multiple other women, risked your health, and risked your financial future by putting himself in a position to possibly knock up another woman or women and be hit for child support, but all you want is for him to apologize so you can rug sweep?

I..just.. can't.


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## Chadandjulee (Jul 6, 2017)

Look i guess I made a mistake I thought this website was for advice and opinion she are fine too but the attitude doesn't have to be so critical no I don't think all of that Is ok and no I don't think he won't do it again if he simply confesses and still want to go to therapy I have kids with him and have auto immune pancreatitis and one kidney that has failed due to lupus and will be put into a medically induced coma soon so I am very scared for my life as well. I am heartbroken. My daughter absolutely loves her daddy and loves us together plus I am in the hospital so much at the moment so my life is just not secure right now. I guess I just fee like if I were to split from him I would miss him so much but in reality I would miss who I wished he was not the person he has actually become.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

With the medical crisis going on, leave it simmer. Once you are past the crisis you can think about it all and make decisions.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

You have a lot challenging you right now, the one thing you don't need is stressing a confession that may never come.

This is one of those times that you need to prioritize the suffering you have that is not much in your control (health), and the suffering that is in your control (marriage).

He has repeatedly shown you who he is, and it sounds like you believe of his inability to remain true to you or treat you respectfully with kindness. Such actions are called "cake-eating" and it means that he is getting something from you too in addition to all the others.

You have a value in you that keeps him in your life, why do you think he treats you as such and still remain married to you?

I am not asking you this because you are not worthy... you are more than worthy and deserve better love than you receive. What I would like you to think about is why you have taught him it is ok to be like this with you? I know you are in a vulnerable place with the medical conditions and the need to keep your family together, but the last thing you need to to be loving yourself less when your heart, mind, and body need you aligned in more self-love.

May I ask who is watching your daughter when you are in the hospital and will be watching your daughter when you undergo this induced coma?

I am not a medical professional so please allow me to ask why that is necessary?


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> With the medical crisis going on, leave it simmer. Once you are past the crisis you can think about it all and make decisions.


I agree... let it go until you are in a better place to evaluate how you want life to be in your marriage.


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## Chadandjulee (Jul 6, 2017)

I was adoptied at birth (my adopted mom who I consider my real mom that raised me wonderfully passé daughter away when I was 24 and I am now 38) and found my birthmom in 2002 and she has become my best friend. She has been staying at the house when I am in hospital and helping my husband with her plus she's also gone to his mothers house and sisters house and been to the beach a few times with them this summer. So luckily we have good family support that helps with kids.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Chadandjulee said:


> I was adoptied at birth (my adopted mom who I consider my real mom that raised me wonderfully passé daughter away when I was 24 and I am now 38) and found my birthmom in 2002 and she has become my best friend. She has been staying at the house when I am in hospital and helping my husband with her plus she's also gone to his mothers house and sisters house and been to the beach a few times with them this summer. So luckily we have good family support that helps with kids.


So you don't actually need to stay with this cheater. 
Why are you being put into a coma?


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## Chadandjulee (Jul 6, 2017)

Medically induced coma for pancreatitis it's only a last resort. He tried sayin I started all this when I talked to my first two sons biological dad when got out of prison. We had terminated his rights and this husband adopted them then we had two kids together. With that being said he had the ex girlfriend two time before we even married say they slept together then come to find out he admits to only kissing one of our employees and the other one kissed him and he supposedly pushed her away. The other he says never happened. The only one that actually happened after I talked to my ex husband (which was only about the kids not to get back together) was the 22 year old and another incident with the ex girlfriend that later passed away. So in reality him flipping on me so terribly when he saw I had spoke to my ex makes no sense. At all.


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## Chadandjulee (Jul 6, 2017)

I guess I am just being stupid. He says one of the girls (an employee when we owned our child care center) kissed him and he pushed her away, the other one he said at first heavy kissing almost making out, the third employee he says never happened. Then he says the 22 yr old he just kissed (when I was stranded walking from one city to the next searching for him and he left me at work) and the ex girlfriend he says he never had sex with her not any of the times she claims. She says they had sex two weeks after he and I started dating and he left me at work that time with no ride home. Then a year later she said she had been going to his job and having sex with him a few times. Then they shared a hotel room together after him and I got married after he saw I talked to my ex and she says they kissed and cuddled he says they never laid in bed together. If she was gonna lie I told him she would have wanted to make me mad and said they had sex not just kissed. Anyways him not admitting is what drives me crazy cause I admitted whatever I have done wrong. He would flip when I made mistakes and demand truth and I would feel so bad I would tell. I did kiss one person after I found out about the 22 yr old. I went ahead and decided to file for divorce. I said we can co parent from same house til we can figure everything out but for now I need space. It hurts too much. I really know I will get backlash from saying this cause I know how dumb it sounds but I think I could forgive if he would admit and continue therapy with me and allowing himself to be an open book. He doesn't use internet he's not at all good with computer he doesn't even have a smart phone. We are always together as we have a cleaning business/handy man business together now. But I was just wondering anyone else hats been in this situation? Did you forgive and move on and if so was it because they admitted? Did it work out? Thanks in advance. God bless.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Look OP, you know you're married to a cheat and a liar, so accept it. If you've determined that there are other reasons you want to stay married to him that's your decision, so own it. Women have been making that decision since the dawn of man so you're not the only one. 

Stop worrying about it. Assume he'll cheat and lie and go about your business. Just think carefully about whether you want to have sex with a guy who will jeapordize your health beyond what you're already dealing with.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I think you've made the right decision to file for divorce. If he does come to you and apologize and you do decide to stay with him, just accept he's a cheater, live your life, and assume he's not a safe sex partner and insist on condom use. Frankly, with your health issues, you don't need to catch some funk from him. As @lifeistooshort said, women with philandering husbands have been turning a blind eye since forever.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Chadandjulee said:


> I guess I am just being stupid.
> CAJ I do not know what you are looking for. Noone here is going to tell you to stay with your WH beacuse he is a serial cheater, he will not change and nothing you have done justifies what he has done
> 
> He says one of the girls (an employee when we owned our child care center) kissed him and he pushed her away, the other one he said at first heavy kissing almost making out, the third employee he says never happened. Then he says the 22 yr old he just kissed (when I was stranded walking from one city to the next searching for him and he left me at work) and the ex girlfriend he says he never had sex with her not any of the times she claims. She says they had sex two weeks after he and I started dating and he left me at work that time with no ride home. Then a year later she said she had been going to his job and having sex with him a few times. Then they shared a hotel room together after him and I got married after he saw I talked to my ex and she says they kissed and cuddled he says they never laid in bed together. If she was gonna lie I told him she would have wanted to make me mad and said they had sex not just kissed. Anyways him not admitting is what drives me crazy cause I admitted whatever I have done wrong.
> ...


 Very difficult to get over a serial cheat, one off maybe but not the continous lies and infidelity, dump him, you will be better off 1-2 years down the road and will have peace in your life


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## HB2014 (Oct 30, 2014)

They rarely ever admit. Unless they r sure u can prove without a doubt. Even when i met a girl in bed with my WH he said they didn't have sex. Cheaters lie and lie and lie. Focus on you for now. You ha e your health issues to manage. Do the 180 and detach for your sanity. Don't let him keep stepping on you and taking you for granted. You deserve much more.


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