# so complicated - i need some support / advice



## HELP ME. (Jun 10, 2009)

I am currently living with my wife but we are barely co-existing.... no love, no appreciation, not much talking, etc..We tried counseling but nothing is changing. We are discussing my moving out which makes $ for me extremely tight (wage attachments and rent is most of my income). 

On top of that, all of the sudden my job has become very boring. i think partially due to the economy (our sales are down) and partially due to me being here 13 years and maybe partially due to me having such a horrible home life right now???

I am going crazy thinking about all of this. Nothing in my life is going well right now. I started taking Lexapro about 2 weeks ago but it has not really helped. I don't have any local family and very few friends (i focused on my kids instead of friends the past 15 years) and just a few co-workers.

How do i stop dwelling on my work sucking, how do I stop worrying about $, worryng about living alone after 18 years, etc.. I am hoping there is someone else out there for me.... I am fairly fit, reasonably funny, etc.... I am just a basketcase right now though...

Any advice is appreciated. This is new to me and I feel like I have completely lost at life right now.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Yeah, well, you're not lost...suck it up. If you're headed down the road to divorce then you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your act together. Make an exit plan...and if you're that broke and have wage attachments, then file bankruptcy.

Don't worry about someone else for the time being, work on you and getting stable fiscally and mentally. Someone else will come along when the time is right...

It sucks but it does get better. For me, it got a lot better in a hurry, met and married my wife...living the good life. I make a conscious choice not to let the last divorce beat me...

You're not alone and you're not the only one to have ever gone through this...

Take your time...get it together...

Preacher


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## feylovelyheart (Jun 13, 2009)

HI Help me....

I understand that you aren't in a good condition right now...just like me. I feel frustrated sometimes but I think the only thing we can do is just being positive (even though sometimes it's hard to be positive). 

It's scary to imagine living alone after we get used to be with someone. But I see that people can move on. I think it will be hard at first but I am sure we can go back on track. 

What JD said is true...The right person will come in the right time. Just take it easy and Don't worry too much about this matter.

The most important thing right now is you need to figure out what do you think it's the best for you. Just look into many possibilities you have and then try to make decision. (at least that is what I am doing right now)

About friends....I am sure you will find them and I think people would love to be your friend since you are funny guy. People love funny guy, right? 

I wish you luck....


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

there's a great book out there called Feeling Good by David D. Burns. I have been to many counselors for my depression with very little luck, but this book helped me tremendously.


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## HELP ME. (Jun 10, 2009)

Hi All.....

thanks for all the replies....i am trying to get a game plan.... 

This stuff is annoying. I wish it was simple and would involve no arguing, etc....

I am debating staying in the house until we get the details ironed out.... i feel like if i move out i will lose any negotiating power that I may have had...

blaaaa

happy pills take me away..... lol...... it is funny... i act like a total dorky fun guy around certain people but then lapse into a coma when i get near her.....


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Sometimes antidepressants take time to work and sometimes one may not work well at all and then another works well.

It isn't easy...to go with antidepressants, it is trial and error. Often a doc prescribes one because the doc has a favorite drug rep and that rep pushes the "anti-depressant" of the month.

So, if you think you need an anti-depressant, but this one is not working...get it changed.

OR fix and manage the issues you have. Fixing and or managing the issues is much better than drugs.


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## feylovelyheart (Jun 13, 2009)

HELP ME. said:


> Hi All.....
> 
> it is funny... i act like a total dorky fun guy around certain people but then lapse into a coma when i get near her.....


:iagree:

I am not surprised with this statement. I still don't know why this thing happens.


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## Kayla (Jul 4, 2009)

Do you love your wife? Do you want your marriage. If so I don't think you should suck it up and make an exit plan. I think you should suck it up and see if you could work things out with her. You said you focused on your kids for the last 15 years is that a bad thing? That is what you should do. Is she seeing someone else? I understand you went to marriage counseling but is that your last hope?


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## HELP ME. (Jun 10, 2009)

we just don't "click" anymore...not sure if we ever did really but we certainly don't now.... anything i think is funny ("that's what she said" kind of stuff...) she thinks is stupid..... I am not a neat freak..she is.... we grew apart a zillion years ago and stayed together for the kids.... the kids are damn near independent now so I can either stay and be in a coma or plan an exit.... 




Kayla said:


> Do you love your wife? Do you want your marriage. If so I don't think you should suck it up and make an exit plan. I think you should suck it up and see if you could work things out with her. You said you focused on your kids for the last 15 years is that a bad thing? That is what you should do. Is she seeing someone else? I understand you went to marriage counseling but is that your last hope?


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