# Just Wondering...



## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

This is a source of frustration and something I often question, frequently: How do the cheaters who have decided to reconcile with their wives/husbands, feel about the OW/OM, now? Do you still care for them, despise them or feel indifferent? This is very important to my recovery process.

Please give me your honest opinions, as I wonder about it, probably all too often.

Thank you in advance for your honest replies!


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

I think the answer will be different for everyone. For me, I knew all along that I was not looking to replace my husband with the OM. That being said, it was not easy to stop thinking about him after I'd cut ties. 

Now, 2 years later, if I think of him, it's usually just in passing and there is zero desire to see/talk/be with him. If I think about him (and the affair) more than just in passing, I get completely disgusted and ashamed. I guess I am mostly indifferent, leaning towards disgust.


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## frozensprouts (Aug 1, 2009)

"This is a source of frustration and something I often question, frequently: How do the cheaters who have decided to reconcile with their wives/husbands, feel about the OW/OM, now? Do you still care for them, despise them or feel indifferent? This is very important to my recovery process.

Please give me your honest opinions, as I wonder about it, probably all too often"

that is an excellent question- I often wonder the same thing myself. After all, this was a person he told me that he had "feelings for" and he also told her that " he loved her" Mind you, they were only together for about a month.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

I can't answer first hand but what my H has displayed is total indifference. He says he plain doesn't think about her. After reflecting he said he realized it wasn't her, she was convenient. Problem was him and rather than fix it or consider he might be the issue, there was an opportunity and he took it. He swears it was never about her. I tend to believe him now..took me awhile but even so he still developed a connection. He was lost for awhile, she was lost and they bonded on that level. 

I do think it takes time though if there is a connection and was not purely physical for that part of it to end. 

I'm interested in hearing other people respond as well.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Thank you for your replies, as I was very interested in others' opinions and thoughts concerning this. I have obsessed and obsessed about it. I guess I mainly just wanted to know that I am not alone with these painful feelings. My husband has reassured me that he doesn't think about the OW, but I don't know what to believe, anymore.


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## lorithehun (Sep 22, 2009)

foolz1 said:


> This is a source of frustration and something I often question, frequently: How do the cheaters who have decided to reconcile with their wives/husbands, feel about the OW/OM, now? Do you still care for them, despise them or feel indifferent? This is very important to my recovery process.
> 
> Please give me your honest opinions, as I wonder about it, probably all too often.
> 
> Thank you in advance for your honest replies!


I would love to know the answer to this, too. 
I think my husband must still have feelings for her since he was with her several times a week for over a year. That's a long time, I don't think indifference is possible.
Can I ask you how long it's been since you learned about the affair, Foolz1?


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

lorithehun said:


> Can I ask you how long it's been since you learned about the affair, Foolz1?


It has been fourteen months, since I found out for sure.


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## lorithehun (Sep 22, 2009)

foolz1 said:


> It has been fourteen months, since I found out for sure.


Not so long ago. It's been 3 years for me and I'm still thinking the same thoughts.


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## joybro1 (Oct 20, 2009)

Wow! I just found out about my husbands affair 3 months ago, These same thoughts are in my head also! My husband meet the ow on fridays for about 6 months and also said it was just a conveinant thing. He did tell me about it ! I knew nothing. This happened about 12 years ago.


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

The OW/OM is a drug, its the excitement of strange and enticement.

No doubt thoughts go on after discovery and quasi repair of marriage.

The taste of spice always lingers.

Its call being human.


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