# Is this what my wife felt?



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

I won't bore you with the details, if you haven't seen my post: I caught my wife with another man, red-handed. Didn't think it could happen to me. The rest is in previous posts...

So a couple nights ago, intent on having a good time despite feeling like crap 4 months out from d-day, a few lady friends of a friend showed interest. I did nothing but I liked the attention, something I haven't had at home for as long as I could remember. Since then, I told myself I wouldn't be running into anyone soon. I ran into one of them today, on my own, passing through town. It still felt good. She still thinks I'm unattached. No numbers were exchanged, no emails. Just polite conversation, a few smiles and hints of attraction...which I could be completely misinterpreting. I spent the day thinking "I could roll the dice on life, love and everything and maybe, just maybe, have a chance at a happier life."

Was this what my wife thought? Was this way of thinking that drove her to the EA/PA she had? She has shown too few signs of "sorry"...and now that I've had time to digest it all, I almost feel, at times, that I would be better off on my own, single, coming home to an empty house without problems, without worry of an angry wife, a bitter mother-in-law etc...but I am still here. 

My wife and I enjoyed a nice DVD tonight...although there were complaints from her leading up to our entertainment. I kept thinking "What if I started all over with this other girl...what if...what if it didn't work out, would I still be better off? What if things worked out better...am I doing myself harm by staying?" For the first time since I married my wife I thought of life with another woman, the possibilities. But what if these were the same feelings my wife had, the same that made her do the regrettable thing she did...regrettable only if she's actually sorry for it happening...

Is this the path, the way a cheater thinks? "I may be happier here..." and then "Oops...I'm not, I better back-peddle."...I hate this feeling...she was the center of my world and now she isn't...I want her back there if that's what's meant to be...I wish I knew if it were or not...for certain...but I know that's asking way too much


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## i_feel_broken (Jul 5, 2010)

This is a tricky question. I have read and kept upto date with your story so I know how difficult your situation is and what you have been through. I am going through similar so I know.

I think you should not feel guilty about your feelings. you haven't done anything and you can't help feelings.

I know how hard it is to drag yourself away from your wife no matter how bad the circumstances are. You love her like I love my wife. You deal with her and her mothers problems like I dealt with my wife's OCD/anxiety/depression. People think I am mad to want her back after her 2 year affair and tell me that after a while I would be happier and find someone easy going and fun who loves me. Although i know they maybe right I still want my wife and my family back together. 

Despite the fact I know how you feel your situation just seems so hard on you. You deserve more. Imagine if you weren't in love with your wife and couldn't forgive what she had done and moved on. It would appear life would be so much easier for you, even on your own. Your own time back, to workout, lie in, watch films, go out with friends etc etc. 

I would never advise acting on these feelings while with your wife. You should maybe even talk to her about it - she probably couldn't handle it but maybe after what she did she should at least be able and willing to understand and try and make things better for you. If she can't then maybe her heart and mind isn't in the right place with regards to your marriage.

If you truly can't deal with what has happened and the resulting situation and you have given all you feel you can give and tried your hardest. I think leaving your wife to be alone, initially, would me a much better option than finding another woman.

take care


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## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

Leaving my wife: I think she would let me go, she would say "If that's what you want." and then stew in her guilt and self-pity...none of which would make me feel any better about leaving. I know she would not have time to herself, she would be 100 percent dedicated to her mother, out of obligation. Once that has ended, she would find time for herself, but at 40, almost 41 she would feel as though she has missed out on being a mother...something she wished she had become long ago, but as circumstances would have it, she hasn't yet become. Not that it would be impossible, but in a society like the one we live in, re-marrying at that age would be difficult...and for some reason I feel as though I've dragged her this far, who am I to drop her now, as much hurt as she may have caused, to pursue what 'may be...'? 

For some this is an easy question, one friend has chimed in as saying "Leave, I know plenty of women half her age who are beautiful and fun and want a man even half as good as you." Another says "You made it this far, what a waste it would be to leave it all behind. Show grace and I'm sure you'll find what you had at one time." One may sound better than the other, depending on whose ears they fall upon...A few years older I may not be asking this, a few years younger and I may not even have stumbled on this site for advice...in any case, I hope a year from now, 2 or 3, I'm back with a happy story.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

i hope u dont take this the wrong way but.....

coming from another "thinker"

u "think" too much!











*Time to piss on the "fire" and call the dogs!*


sometimes, u just gotta "woof-woof"


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