# Marriage is Hell and THIS is what I choose to be upset about.



## WideAwake (Dec 19, 2012)

I recently came across a message on the family computer--- it was from my husband to an old friend of his.

He talked about the good times but seemed extremely focused on a girl he dated 20 years ago. He even went so far as to say that losing her was the biggest regret in his life.

He didn't mention me and he somewhat mentioned his children but was engrossed in finding out how is ex was doing. 

We already have really serious problems. He cheats -- thought we'd gotten past it, but five years and two years later here we are. 

I feel like he never loved me at all --- just thought I was his last chance and I wasn't the worst. We were great friends but never would have even started dating if it hadn't been for the tantrum he threw when I was dating someone else. This was odd to me because he'd already told me how in love he was with some other chick who was ignoring him at the time. But we were best friends and we had a very strong physical attraction so we went with it.

I was really committed to things but he hasn't been. He just puts on such a good show. He wants to try counseling but I really don't have anymore hope.

**I'm having a hard time even expressing what I'm feeling or what I'm needing to know. We have two very little ones and I'm quite flustered and miserable trying to deal with this and keep a strong front for them and do what needs to be done and the like. 

I wanted our marriage so very badly but I do not see how I can stay. The ex thing seems petty but it makes me feel like I at least can know why he keeps rejecting me.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> He cheats -- thought we'd gotten past it, but five years and two years later here we are.


Is he a SERIAL cheater....two different affairs?



> He even went so far as to say that losing her was the biggest regret in his life...he'd already told me how in love he was with some other chick who was ignoring him at the time


Well, you know where YOU stand (in case the affairs weren't a big enough clue.)



> I at least can know why he keeps rejecting me.


He didn't want you in the past (so he had affairs), he doesn't want you now (so he rejects), he doesn't want you in the future (so he inquires about ex-gf).

BUT:


> I was really committed to things but he hasn't been...He wants to try counseling but I really don't have anymore hope.


I'd say you've hung in there MORE THAN long enough. Take your little ones and make a life for yourselves where YOU are valued. Show your little ones how people are SUPPOSED to love their spouse (and it ain't with that jackazz you're married to!)

Finally, HE wants to try working on your marriage!?! NOW, after all his cr*p!!! *WHY* should HE get to make the decisions that you should keep taking his disrespect and he should get YET ANOTHER attempt?

Find a really good divorce attorney FIRST THING, THEN tell him to hit the road! Dump this sorry cheating loser before you waste ANY MORE OF YOUR LIFE on him!

You'll be VERY GLAD you left him!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I have to agree with SGW. You H has cheated on you and you have now seen with your own eyes that, given the chance, he'd probably do so again. At the very least, he's finding out the lay of the land with his 20 years ago ex. It sounds like he could be one of those people who simply cannot (or won't) commit to one person, and life with someone like that can be absolute hell.

You're worth more than a man who cheats, hankers after an ex and rejects you.


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## WideAwake (Dec 19, 2012)

I know what has to be done...

Just so scared of being alone the rest of my life... I will be after all, since he gave me what he gave me. 

Can't believe I was so stupid.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

You're NOT STUPID! *When you KNOW better, you DO better. Well, now you KNOW better, so now you're DOING better...for yourself AND your kids!* Tell yourself *THIS* EVERY DAY, if you have to! MULTIPLE TIMES a day...until you BELIEVE it and LIVE it!

And just because he gave you an STD does NOT mean you will have to be ALONE the rest of your life! EDUCATE yourself about your disease...from REAL websites...MEDICAL websites...support groups/forums (like THIS ONE) for people who have your disease.

You're NOT WORTHLESS, DAMAGED MERCHANDISE!!!!! You're an important, worthwhile person with a LOT to offer your kids, yourself, your community, your family, your friends and (someday) some REALLY LUCKY MAN who appreciates all of your GREAT qualities!

*Get yourself some COUNSELING, honey*, so you can be STRONG for your children. Show them GRACE under fire, show them STRENGTH of character, show them the JOY of life and love, show them DIGNITY and SELF-WORTH. Show them a happy, loving home and a WONDERFUL childhood! You have a LOT of important lessons to TEACH your little ones....get yourself to a better place mentally and emotionally so you can be the TEACHER, the LEADER, the EXAMPLE that your kids need to be the successes (as good people) you want them to be!


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

WideAwake said:


> I know what has to be done...
> 
> Just so scared of being alone the rest of my life... *I will be after all, since he gave me what he gave me. *
> Can't believe I was so stupid.


Did he give you the gift that keeps giving?

Better to be alone than with a man who would rather be with another.
You'll find someone else, but first you need to get rid of this one first.


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## WideAwake (Dec 19, 2012)

No... it's a bit worse than that. 

I would by no means be in a position for another relationship anytime soon anyway. But there is little chance that would happen.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

One step at a time. Dont worry about other future relationships, concentrate on NOW and getting yourself out of this toxic situation. You are much better off by yourself than with someone who treats you this way.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

WideAwake said:


> I know what has to be done...
> 
> Just so scared of being alone the rest of my life... I will be after all, since he gave me what he gave me.
> 
> Can't believe I was so stupid.


 I assume you're talking about an STD. Many people marry and find ways to deal with it. If you love someone, you'll find a way.

Just move on. For both your sakes.


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## pandorabox (Dec 7, 2012)

We are not stupid girl - we are just suckers. But you reaching out so it's good. Now get angry - that's a next stage and take care of yourself. And don't let him suck you back in - they always try.
From the day I told my H it's time for him to move out and I'm getting the D - he started fixing things around the house which I asked for 2 years ago.
Seriously!?!


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Great, pandora! Let the lazy b*stard fix 'em! ...then divorce him ANYWAY!


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

From the day I told my H it's time for him to move out and I'm getting the D - he started fixing things around the house which I asked for 2 years ago.

It's a damn shame it has to get to this point before they adjust their attitudes. Told my ex in Jan I was leaving in June (this was in 93); after 13 years together, that was the first Valentines Day, Birthday, and Mother's Day he bought me something. Sheez....by then they didn't mean anything. I'm the type that once my mind's made up, there's no changing it. He's still alone after all these years. Seems no one else will put up with his crap either. 

I agree.......get you and your kids away from this bozo! You are worth so much more than what he's dishing out.


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