# Wife's married friend flirting with me, did I do the right thing ?



## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

She has been doing this in a very subtle way, over a period of 2 years. We used to meet with other friends around 2 times a month. 

In the beginning it was prolonged eye contact during conversations, I used to look away first. The conversation were at a lower sound level, little more than whispers.

Cheek to cheek wishing for occasions were slightly longer and it usually included a whisper like "how are you these days ?".

However earlier this year at an occasion at my house she raised the level. I was seated next to her when during the conversation I felt her hand which was placed between us touching my outside thigh. 

In subsequent meetings I noticed the following:
She used try to be next to me during group talks in such a way that when using her hands when talking it used to lightly touch my clothing, she used to do this with my wife around.
Another sign was lightly brush against me whenever she walked by or touch my elbow whenever I made her laugh.

However over a week ago at a common friend's event when seated directly opposite me (about 10 feet away) she parted he legs not too much but enough to display her inner thighs. She avoided looking at me when doing this. To make things worse she repeated the same later, this time when seated next to my wife but her body pointed in my direction.

I then decided that I've had enough and wrote her an email saying whatever is happening (I did not specify details) needs to stop.

She replied back saying " What is happening ?? I am a married woman and a mother, I'm also your wife's best friend, let this friendship remain pure, DO NOT SEND ME ANYMORE MESSAGES.

My last reply to her was "Thank you, this puts my mind to rest, no more messages".


I have the following questions:

Was this flirting or more than flirting, what were her intentions ?

Did I do the right thing ? informing my wife would have destroyed her friend circle, also this woman is not a bad person by nature and has always been there whenever needed.

Since we are most certainly going to meet again what do I say to her to ease the underlying tension ?

I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this but any advise is much appreciated.

Thanks,
Ross


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think you did the right thing. I'm not surprised she denied everything, she was fishing to see if you were interested and left herself an out. I would save those emails just in case.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Her intentions were to entice you into flirting right back. You know of course where that would lead. I personally would have told my wife about it first. Less drama that way. She probably wouldn't have ended the friendship immediately, but in the future she would be watching more closely. People like her friend eventually show their hand. But since you were never planning on acting on it anyway I guess its kind of a moot point.


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

ReformedHubby,

That display of inner thighs, this surely means more than flirting, does it not ?

Thanks


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

I guess I don't understand the rationale for not letting your wife know. I would want to be aware of someone's true character so I could make the choice on whether to put energy toward any friendship or not.

I have had the opportunity in my own life to make such a decision and was so grateful to my husband (then fiance) for being transparent to me.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I think you may have an overactive imagination. Maybe you find her attractive and are imagining that it's reciprocated. Have you ever checked if she does the same thing regardless of who she's talking to, or sitting next to or across from? She is probably clueless about your imaginings.

I don't think you did the right thing at this point. I think you should have ignored what you perceive as flirting, and avoid putting yourself in any position where you could misconstrue her body language.

Then, if she really is flirting, she'll seek out ways to get closer to you as you try to avoid her, and that will be your confirmation - and it she doesn't, it will show you that it's your imagination.


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

Married But Happy,

I did have such doubts, however that incident where she touched the outside of my thighs whilst I was seated next to her seemed like a definite sign.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

ross105 said:


> I did have such doubts, however that incident where she touched the outside of my thighs whilst I was seated next to her seemed like a definite sign.


Again, I think you're projecting. Many of our friends engage in casual non-sexual contact, hugs, etc., and we don't consider it to be flirting. People have different comfort levels with closeness and touch, and based on that will interpret things differently.

Also, when you wrote her, you did not say you thought she was flirting, just said whatever is happening needs to stop, which SHE could interpret as you coming on to her if she wasn't flirting with you, because she'd have no idea what you meant. You made her uncomfortable by not specifying, and open the door to more inaccurate speculation.


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

Thank you Married but Happy,

If however her intention was to flirt with me, then what would her state of mind be after the exchange ? I'm sure she would feel humiliated and angry.... I need a woman's perspective on this.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I have had a couple of friends that are like this. Just casual married women that my wife and I both know.

They give me signs like they are checking out my interest level. I think of it is partly about their own insecurities and want me to show I like them more than having a sexual interest. But I am not sure.

When at gatherings, they seem to seek me out. It annoys my wife. They will do the whispering, 'how are you doing thing?' They would send me text messages to start conversations usually with some off the wall excuse to them. I would tell my wife and she would be annoyed and quite often say, 'Why don't they text me that?'

My response has been to avoid them. I walk away when they approach me. My responses to texts are short and typically including my wife in the reply.

Only you know how obvious she was. The prolonged eye contact is pretty strong as is the touching, but I think we would 'have to be there' to really have a good opinion. You might have acted appropriately or you might have jumped the gun. 

You really should tell your wife though. If this gets back to her, she might not like that you kept her in the dark and allowed her to remain friends with this person she shouldn't trust.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

I agree with married but happy...your original message to her was way too vague...what's done is done...but it would've been beneficial to let her know what actions she as doing that gave you the impression of flirtation...specifically her rubbing her hand on your thigh...letting her know that a boundary had been crossed as ask her to please respect it. That would allow her to respond to something specific.

How do you feel your actions, if any, have contributed to this "miscommunicative flirting"?

When my husband and I were dating... we were a part of larger social group...and I often would turn a "blind eye" to some of the flirtation form the men in the group...I was unconscious in how I allowed boundaries to be pushed against...I can't control someone else's actions, but I can be respectful and enforce boundaries so there is no "guessing game".


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

You really should tell your wife though. If this gets back to her, she might not like that you kept her in the dark and allowed her to remain friends with this person she shouldn't trust. 
:iagree::iagree:
Tell your wife.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Tell your wife. Tell her that you really had no idea if she was flirting with you intentionally or not. You sent her a note saying if it's intentional or even it's unintentional to please stop. She responded that she was doing nothing intentional. So we're all good.


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

I agree with tell your wife. Just tell her you were uncomfortable and it was probably nothing. 

My girlfriend told me about a guy that she THOUGHT was hitting on her (married guy). She was all worried about it, and at the same time thought she was over-reacting. I'm glad I know. I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt and have seen nothing to indicate her concerns. So it's all good and I'm glad she told me about it. I told her I would not do anything about it without talking to her, and luckily we haven't had to do anything.

If the same thing happens to me in the future I would tell her.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I would've done it a bit different.

First, I would've spoke to my wife about the little things.

2nd, I would've NEVER sent an email. That is NOT right at all. If you are going to confront someone you do it face to face.

I also think that you went ahead and did this WAY too quickly and misjudged the situation. Her sitting across from you and showing you her upper legs can simply be due to her clothes and NOTHING to do with that.

Should've gave it more time......and confront her WITH your wife if it escalated. But I don't really think it was due for one JUST yet.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You did great.

Don't worry about it.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

If I were you I would have told the wife first. Don't keep your wife in the dark even now. Tell her what happened.

I wouldn't address this by email either. It's best to do it in the moment when it happens. 

I have a male friend who has a friend ( a woman) who lightly touches his arms and squeezes them. She makes comments about how good he looks. He has an athletic upper body. She's married. He's married. It's getting to the point he's very uncomfortable, so he's planning on calling her on it the next time she does it. I also told him to let his wife know. Wives need to know what kind of girlfriends they have.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Coffee Amore said:


> If I were you I would have told the wife first. Don't keep your wife in the dark even now. Tell her what happened.
> 
> I wouldn't address this by email either. It's best to do it in the moment when it happens.
> 
> I have a male friend who has a friend ( a woman) who lightly touches his arms and squeezes them. She makes comments about how good he looks. He has an athletic upper body. She's married. He's married. It's getting to the point he's very uncomfortable, so he's planning on calling her on it the next time she does it. I also told him to let his wife know. Wives need to know what kind of girlfriends they have.


Yep,agreed


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## jessielee1 (Apr 7, 2014)

Good on you OP... You should tell your wife, even if you were mistaken (I honestly don't think you were- especially judging by this woman's defensive responce). Just tell your wife you felt uncomfortable and noticed some behaviours over time, you may have been wrong but you can't help what you feel. You confronted this woman to clear the air, and she denied and acted stupid. I agree she was testing to see if you'd bite.... you didn't so now she has to play dumb and make you feel like the idiot for even thinking she was flirting.

Good thing is you put an end to it, you made it known it wasn't flying with you. Now if you tell your wife, she knows the full story and can keep her eye out on this friend of hers. Maybe she will admit she noticed some weird behaviour on her end too. I have 1-2 friends that are like this woman, the flirty type. The kind of woman who wants every male in the room to have his eyes on her. I have noticed subtle flirting in the past towards my fiance, but like you- he was not tolerating it. The woman eventually stops and moves on to easier "targets".

I think your wife will be happy you told her and she probably has seen this side of this friend before and won't be surprised.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

The lines are so blurry. Every person has their own personality, some people are just more touchy-feely. Intent is the unknowable, and that's what it really comes down to as far whether the person is really being inappropriate. I mean, to know if THEY have improper intentions, you have to be inside their head, and you can't be. This situation comes down to, what makes YOU uncomfortable. A couple things, whether she was really opening her legs for you, are pretty grey, I mean it's hard to take offense to something that doesn't necessarily occur in your personal space (yes, it may make you feel uncomfortable, but very hard to say "they're doing it to you."). OTOH, any touching, whispering, leaning in, etc...., if that makes you uncomfortable, then it does, and you have a right to either, a) keep yourself out of those situations, or b) somehow express to the other person your discomfort. I guess what I'm saying is, it's very hard to say, for sure, that the other person's intentions are improper, but it is relatively easy for you to decide your boundaries, and adjust the situation to fit those.


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

jessielee1 said:


> Good on you OP... You should tell your wife, even if you were mistaken (I honestly don't think you were- especially judging by this woman's defensive responce).


Thank you JessieLee,
I think the "defensive response" is something that failed to catch my eye,
However can you explain why you thought the response was defensive, I mean what would a non defensive be like ?

I'm kinda dumb about these things.

Regards


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ross105 said:


> ReformedHubby,
> 
> That display of inner thighs, this surely means more than flirting, does it not ?
> 
> Thanks


I am not sure what culture you are from but seeing inner thighs is not uncommon. 

Her sitting next to you and being a bit touchy may or may not mean anything. I would not have sent her a private message BTW. I am guessing she will no longer sit next to you any more.

There may not be anything to this.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

Non-defensive would've been something like...."I'm not sure what you meant is happening, but if I gave you any impression of flirtation, I apologize. I respect my friendship with your wife and our circle of friends."


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ross105 said:


> Married But Happy,
> 
> I did have such doubts, however that incident where she touched the outside of my thighs whilst I was seated next to her seemed like a definite sign.


Hmmmm. I would not. Inner thighs ... sure. Outer thighs in a close situation? No. It would depend on the type of touch as well. I don;t think a momentry touching of my leg would set off an alarm per se.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Deejo said:


> You did great.
> 
> Don't worry about it.


:rofl:

Mr Chill. Indeed he must play the hand he has now. It is done.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

I have to disagree with discussion on interpretation of intent. Boundaries are about what YOU feel they should be for you. If we shift our concern over to the other person's intent (good or bad) we lose sight of the boundaries we have for ourselves.

I used to err on the side of "they didn't mean anything more than being friendly"..only to discover (more than once) that their intentions were not respectful (to me or my husband).

I found it was much more respectful for all involved, that when a similar situation arose, I respectfully voiced my boundaries. Once it led to someone feeling offended, but it also led to others being respectful and adult about the whole thing. 

In the end, who's feelings have priority? This friend or my spouse?


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

The right thing would have been to act cooler to her in the beginning so she didn't take it so far. The letter was fine, but you could have subtly handled it earlier and avoided the whole situation. 

When you catch her staring, act surprised and look away. When she touches you too often or too long, move so that she disengages. If she sits near you, move away after a few minutes. Likely, she was getting the feedback she wanted and kept escalating. If instead you showed you weren't interested, she would have moved on.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

If you had any concerns, you should have talked to your wife first. Your wife is your best friend, no? If you felt uncomfortable, you should be comfortable talking to your wife about it.

Better talk to her. What's stopping you?


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## jessielee1 (Apr 7, 2014)

cons said:


> Non-defensive would've been something like...."I'm not sure what you meant is happening, but if I gave you any impression of flirtation, I apologize. I respect my friendship with your wife and our circle of friends."


Bang on - if someone isn't guilty that's a type of response you would expect.. If one of my hubby's friends wrote me a messaging saying what you did and I legitimately was innocent I'd say "Stop what???? Huh I'm confused and not sure what you mean?" Since you were a little vague. Once you questioned the flirting I'd be like, "omgggggg that's embarrassing, I never meant to give you that idea and never ever felt I was flirting with you? I'm
So sorry you thought that"!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I'm probably projecting here myself with this comment but how come men never get the benefit of the doubt when we say a person or situation makes us uncomfortable? Several posters seem to think its all in the OP's head. Even if she didn't want to jump his bones, if her behavior makes him uncomfortable that's really all that should matter.

I've been in the spot the OP is in with one of my wife's relatives who seems to like every man she comes into contact with except her own (yet nobody notices!!!). I told my wife about her suggestive behavior for years only to be told its all in my head. It wasn't until she left a really suggestive birthday voice mail message that my wife finally "got it". OP, your instincts could be right on this one.


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## Binji (Jun 25, 2014)

It's dicey, but if you felt you did the right thing, then that's all that matters. 

Some women are naturally flirtatious or touchy feely, but don't realize the signals that they give off, and some women like to test men to see if the sweet honey can make him falter. You might have killed an ant with a sledge hammer, but in the end if you felt what you did was necessary, than there's nothing more to it.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I'm probably projecting here myself with this comment but how come men never get the benefit of the doubt when we say a person or situation makes us uncomfortable? Several posters seem to think its all in the OP's head. Even if she didn't want to jump his bones, if her behavior makes him uncomfortable that's really all that should matter.
> 
> I've been in the spot the OP is in with one of my wife's relatives who seems to like every man she comes into contact with except her own (yet nobody notices!!!). I told my wife about her suggestive behavior for years only to be told its all in my head. It wasn't until she left a really suggestive birthday voice mail message that my wife finally "got it". OP, your instincts could be right on this one.




I don't think it's in his head. In fact, I find that men tend to be a little dense about these things so if he's picking up on it then it's very likely there. I think it's impressive that he put a stop to it, so many men (and women) would use it to feed their ego.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

The way things are today, to see her inner thigh isn't really something that I would be concerned about. Different story if she spread them wide and shot you a look at the goods.


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## Mrs.Sav (Mar 13, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't think it's in his head. In fact, I find that men tend to be a little dense about these things so if he's picking up on it then it's very likely there. I think it's impressive that he put a stop to it, so many men (and women) would use it to feed their ego.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: I have a friend who i believe is histrionic. She is extremely flirtatious (has breast implants, dresses provocatively and also 'accidently' brushes her boobs against a guy's arm)...almost to the point of not being able to ever have a non-flirtatious conversation with the opposite sex. I think it fuels her need for attention and I have seen many men eat up the attention themselves. I always say...without her, men wouldn't have egos. 

So i do not think it's only in OP's head either and I applaud him for nipping it in the bud.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

6301 said:


> The way things are today, to see her inner thigh isn't really something that I would be concerned about. Different story if she spread them wide and shot you a look at the goods.


That is why I was wondering about the culture. A glimpse of inner thigh in today's world seems very commonplace. :scratchhead:

This said, she may have indeed come off this way and was doing this on purpose.


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

Thank you all for your replies,

Another question, what would her behavior towards me be like in the near future? (if she was indeed flirting with me in the past ) 

Anger/Avoidance ???


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> That is why I was wondering about the culture. A glimpse of inner thigh in today's world seems very commonplace. :scratchhead:
> 
> This said, she may have indeed come off this way and was doing this on purpose.


True, however I did forget to mention the culture is quite conservative. I've never seen my wife's other friends doing anything like that. I certainly would have a word with my wife if she revealed anything like that. At that time I was having a conversation with another prettier woman, I wonder if that had anything to do with it. I fail to understand women.... :scratchhead:

Also, do women get an added adrenaline rush when they flirt with you when your wife is around ?


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

Ross - 

Why are you concerned at how this woman will act in the future? Again, your focus is on her and her feelings. 

Have you told your wife about all of this?


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

ross105 said:


> Also, do women get an added adrenaline rush when they flirt with you when your wife is around ?


Absolutely yes. A big draw of affairs is the illicit nature. The danger of being caught increases excitement.

If you don't mind, what culture are you in? Please don't take this the wrong way, but some of your comments seem like you're quite inexperienced with flirting. When you held her gaze back at the beginning, you were flirting back. If you want to avoid these situations in the future, you'll need to learn not to respond when a woman shows an unusual interest in you.


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

Thanks Wilson,

We are asian indians living in the UK, I had girlfriends in the past when I was single but never did much flirting. Will surely avoid this in future. 

Now when I recall the past I must say her flirting techniques were rather ingenious (or maybe I was dumb). Especially on occasions when she ended up positioning herself closer to me (than my wife) when having a conversation with my wife. Her technique was like: have a face to face conversation with my wife, next excuse herself start walking away, when just about passes next to me then turn around and continue the conversation, at this point she is so close that she brushes against me every time she used her hands in the conversation. Have you noticed women doing this ? She must have done this at least on about 5 occasions !


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Have you told your wife about this?


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

I'll be informing my wife tomorrow.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Is the other woman in question a UK Indian as well?


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

You know, none of us were there, so I don't think we can say that you're imagining it and that it's all in your head. A lot of us women know how to get the message across that we're interested with it being subtle to the man. I believe that she was coming onto you. And honestly, you did do the right thing and I would have told you it was no big deal if she hadn't responded that way.

Her RESPONSE is what leads me to believe that she was hitting on you, because she's really embarrassed that you rejected her like that. 

Definitely tell your wife! Why are you waiting until tomorrow? Don't you see her everyday?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ross105 said:


> True, however I did forget to mention the culture is quite conservative. I've never seen my wife's other friends doing anything like that. I certainly would have a word with my wife if she revealed anything like that. At that time I was having a conversation with another prettier woman, I wonder if that had anything to do with it. I fail to understand women.... :scratchhead:
> 
> Also, do women get an added adrenaline rush when they flirt with you when your wife is around ?


Wow. You opened up the whole preselection discussion.

Some men and some women get off on excatly waht you are suggesting.

No telling her motivation but perhaps she is not as conservative as the rest. Is she the same culture?


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

Coffee A,
Yes, she is UK indian as well.

Ariel,
Yes I should, but right now my wife is a bit stressed over school admissions.

To be precise the response was 
Excuse me...Ross..wot r u talking abt? Wot is happening ?. Wot ... I really dont understand. I hope my friend ----- (referring to my wife) kids are okay. And I hope you knw you r talking to ---'s Wife n ---'s Mother. ---- (my wife) is my best friend n lets keep this family friendship as pure as it is. PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME ANY MESSAGES IN FUTURE.


Does this change anything... ?


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

I understand you not wanting to overload her with this when she is stressed out from school, but it really is important that she knows before her friend tells her a different version of the story. The friend is probably embarrassed and angry right now and might tell your wife a story to clear her name that makes you look bad. I wouldn't hold off on this. Your W will be glad you told her instead of keeping it from her. No matter what is going on in the life of us women, our husbands are always #1 to us.

Also, really the "PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME ANY MESSAGES IN THE FUTURE" is what makes me think that way. And the way she made it seem like you were sending the message to the wrong person. A normal response would be "I'm sorry I made you think I was hitting on you, but I would never do that because I'm happily married. Is there anything that I'm doing to make you feel uncomfortable that I could change?"

And really, the most appropriate way this could have gone is with your wife involved.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Sounds a little CYA in light of what you just told us. 

Women can troll for men in that way. I've seen it, my W has pointed it out to me (when I was oblivious) and in my younger years I've been taken in by that behavior. 

I echo an earlier post that I would not have done this via electronics. Face-to-face is best, that way the message can be clear. Text/email is far too easy to plan and plot before you write it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Also just because someone flirts does not mean they intend for it to go further. Sometimes the allure is the perception of safety. Meaning she may have fun doing this and only this much.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Looks like you enjoyed the attention for several years. Was she fishing? Maybe, were you slightly enjoying it for that extended period? Tell the wife?

Sure the lady initiated, but not putting a stop over 2 years...? Please evaluate your boundaries. I've experienced this and more, but was single and merely did not respond except to politely step away if there was contact. They got the message and there were no further adventures. Now married, I've got even stronger boundaries. And tell spouse as soon as possible.


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

Told the wife, she is not talking to me at the moment. Did not tell her I'm getting advice on TAM.

Q tip,
That is true, I was kinda of enjoying it. I must say when you are 40+ it boosts your self esteem. But lessons learnt... no more of this. For about 1.5 out of the 2 years it was entirely on extended eye contact, never the less I should not have encouraged it.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

What is she mad about - the omission of telling for past few years or the confrontation a few days ago? Too late for it now but rather than the big call out email I would have just said something light in the moment of the flirtation and called her out then. Something like, 'please don't touch me, I'm not comfortable with anyone but my wife touching me especially me leg'.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Boricha (Sep 29, 2013)

You said you did enjoy the attention and that it was an ego booster for you. You had eye contact with her. So why would you send her an email after all this? 

You just made an awkward situation way worse. You should have never told your wife. Why destroy a friendship over something you participated it? All you had to do was show disinterest.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Boricha said:


> You said you did enjoy the attention and that it was an ego booster for you. You had eye contact with her. So why would you send her an email after all this?
> 
> You just made an awkward situation way worse. You should have never told your wife. Why destroy a friendship over something you participated it? All you had to do was show disinterest.


I don't see how he "participated" simply by looking at her when she was looking at him. And enjoying the attention doesn't necessarily make him complicit in it. Especially since it seems like it made him uncomfortable at the same time and it doesn't sound like he did anything to encourage it.

And he absolutely should have told his wife about her friend's behavior. He really should have done so before he sent that email, which IMO should not have been sent. At least not until he spoke with his wife beforehand about how to handle the situation. I think THAT made the situation more awkward than it should have been.

But at the end of the day the blame lies with the wife's friend. OP isn't the one risking his wife's friendship, the wife's friend flirting with her husband is. Why should he keep his wife in the dark about her friend who flirts with him, behaves inappropriately, and disrespects her friend's marriage??


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

It is true that I messed up with email and informing my wife. But I guess I was just not ready for it, never had any close encounters in my 12+ years of married life. 

When one consider the flirtatious and seductive moves she tried on me I just wonder what her relationship with the husband might be like, can she really love him ?
Personally I know he is a nice quiet chap however in the last 2 years I've noticed that whilst he has physically (looks) gone from a 5 to a 4 she has moved from a 6 to an 8. 

This whole incident has got me doing some research topics like flirting etc.

I'm going to run into her at an event tomorrow, any ideas how I should deal with her if I meet her ? What should I do / not do ?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

For the time being I'd just avoid her. At least until you see how things play out with your wife. If you do have to speak/interact keep it quick and cordial.


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## CoralReef (Jul 1, 2014)

I think that you were pure in your heart when you sent the email. In other words I don't think you meant any harm.

However-I don't think you should have sent that email without talking to your wife first. From what you have said I don't think you are overreacting. She very well sounds to have been being inappropriate. She is inappropriate but not stupid. Her response to you was what I would call a self-protection email. She isn't naive enough to think that her emails cannot be used against her. Now you have to worry about her showing the emails to your wife and saying "did you know you husband sent this? It made me VERY uncomfortable". You will look like the pursuer or like you are crazy.


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

CoralReef said:


> She very well sounds to have been being inappropriate. She is inappropriate but not stupid. Her response to you was what I would call a self-protection email. She isn't naive enough to think that her emails cannot be used against her. Now you have to worry about her showing the emails to your wife and saying "did you know you husband sent this? It made me VERY uncomfortable". You will look like the pursuer or like you are crazy.


Damn, women are much smarter in these matters ! I fail to understand their thought process....


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## Boricha (Sep 29, 2013)

"And he absolutely should have told his wife about her friend's behavior. He really should have done so before he sent that email, which IMO should not have been sent. At least not until he spoke with his wife beforehand about how to handle the situation. I think THAT made the situation more awkward than it should have been."

If you read the entire post the OP admitted there was back and forth subtle flirting for the last couple years. I have a feeling OP forgot to mention that part.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ross105 said:


> It is true that I messed up with email and informing my wife. But I guess I was just not ready for it, never had any close encounters in my 12+ years of married life.
> 
> When one consider the flirtatious and seductive moves she tried on me I just wonder what her relationship with the husband might be like, can she really love him ?
> *Personally I know he is a nice quiet chap however in the last 2 years I've noticed that whilst he has physically (looks) gone from a 5 to a 4 she has moved from a 6 to an 8. *
> ...




So very naive it seems as it comes to flirting yet very adroit at sex rank. Wondermous.


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## ross105 (Aug 6, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Do bery naive it seems as it comes to flirtig yet very adroit at sex rank. Wondermous.


I see no connection between the two, sex ranking women requires no communication of any kind with women, was into sex ranking of women ever since high school I think...


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