# How is attractive confidence displayed?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I've noticed it mentioned here a lot about a person having "confidence" in themselves as being attractive. What is the line between being confident and arrogant? What are the characteristics of each? I'm talking about before you really get to know a person. When someone just walks in a room or has a conversation with you, what is the difference.

I see a lot of people that have confidence in themselves, but it often appears arrogant and snobbish. Isn't it also possible for someone to appear too confident, even if they aren't snobbish? For example, if someone is Goober Pyle, but tries to put on a George Clooney persona, can't that come on as weird?

I remember a guy i worked for years ago in his 50s at the time. we would go to restaurants for lunch regularly, and he always put on a "cool" persona with the waitresses. I wouldn't call it being heavily flirty, nor did he say anything inappropriate. He actually was just being himself, but he would make little wise-cracks to the waitresses and I'm sure he thought they felt he was a cool guy. I met one of the waitresses in a store later and she said something like, "That guy you work with apparently thinks he's something, but I've got news for him, he's not."


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Do you mean confidence in who they are or confidence in how attractive they are?

Arrogance is not at all attractive to me, it is a self centred trait. Being confident in who you are, happy with who you are come across as attractive.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Holland said:


> Do you mean confidence in who they are or confidence in how attractive they are?
> 
> Arrogance is not at all attractive to me, it is a self centred trait. Being confident in who you are, happy with who you are come across as attractive.


I suppose just overall confidence. I just see it mentioned a lot here as an "attractive" trait, and I'm just wondering what actions other people view as a display of confidence.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

If you have to tell me how good-looking you are, don't!
If you have to tell me how popular you are with the ladies, save it for some drunken babe who'll be impressed!
If you think dropping your key chain (with a BMW/Lexus/Lincoln logo) on the bar is going to impress me, it's not!
Neither is flashing a huge wad of cash, flashing a gold card, name-dropping, bragging about your career/income.

Also, can't stand when people act so world-weary and bored by their upscale life ("Oh, I used to go to St. Barts/Mallorca/etc. but it's just gotten SO FULL of TOURISTS"...um, you mean tourists like YOU?!?)

If you're good-looking, I'll notice. If you're charming, I'll notice. If you have lots of cash/credit, a flashy car, expensive vacations, I'm sure we'll get around to hitting on that subject at SOME POINT. But, it doesn't have to be THE FIRST TIME I MEET YOU! In MY BOOK, having a lot of money does NOT make up for being a jackass. You're just a jackass with a lot of money. Perhaps you've mistaken me for a golddigger...don't worry, I'll disabuse you of THAT notion in no time at all!

Keep it real. If I don't like you for "you", then there's nothing you've got or can get that will make me like you.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

southbound said:


> I've noticed it mentioned here a lot about a person having "confidence" in themselves as being attractive. What is the line between being confident and arrogant? What are the characteristics of each? I'm talking about before you really get to know a person. When someone just walks in a room or has a conversation with you, what is the difference.
> 
> I see a lot of people that have confidence in themselves, but it often appears arrogant and snobbish. Isn't it also possible for someone to appear too confident, even if they aren't snobbish? For example, if someone is Goober Pyle, but tries to put on a George Clooney persona, can't that come on as weird?
> 
> I remember a guy i worked for years ago in his 50s at the time. we would go to restaurants for lunch regularly, and he always put on a "cool" persona with the waitresses. I wouldn't call it being heavily flirty, nor did he say anything inappropriate. He actually was just being himself, but he would make little wise-cracks to the waitresses and I'm sure he thought they felt he was a cool guy. I met one of the waitresses in a store later and she said something like, "That guy you work with apparently thinks he's something, but I've got news for him, he's not."


Having confidence in oneself is endearing (I can't think of a better word so I'll go with that for now.) Admirable?

For me in particular, confidence is more about being comfortable with who you are. I'm thinking across the board here with friends AND potential partners. I have a good friend who is pretty geeky looking and very awkward, particularly around the ladies. The thing is, he has no illusions about who he is, and often jokes about himself and joins in with other people's jokes.

The thing is, people flock round him. He's quite happy with being him, and that kind of confidence in himself shows outwardly.

My husband is incredibly good at faking confidence. I think it's more of a "let's just get on with it" frame of mind but socially and also to do with handling practical stuff around the house, you would never realise he feels quite shy and with the latter... Well it was a small incident a few weeks ago where he'd been sorting out doing some tasks around the house, we were talking about it and he told me he actually didn't really know anything about what he had to do, but I'd had the impression all along he knew exactly what he was doing. I admired that he didn't feel fazed but just tackled it head on.

I hate arrogance. Boasting when you've just met someone is offputting. My husband's stepfather is terrible for it. It stems from (I think) a need to assert his masculinity mainly amongst other men which involves taking on tasks he can't do and pretending he is very knowledgeable on traditional "guy" stuff (cars mainly.) Sadly my husband has often been told by other guys who have encountered him that they thought his stepfather was a "bit of a nob." 

I think eye contact and a smile go a long way for first confident impressions btw


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

snobs, and those who are arrogant and appear confident are not really. True confident people accept themselves for who they are they do not have to build up a superiority complex or look down on others or run others down they do not need to brag, they are lets say vulnerable almost they are in love with life, others and themselves. 

For years of my life when i was younger i always appeared to be the most confident guy in the room and also the biggest jerk and very arrogant. Truth be told i was not really the most confident i had to build myself up among other things do all the things an insecure person does aka a snob or a jerk. Truly attractive confident people are humbled they are humble 

that's my belief at least.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

southbound said:


> I've noticed it mentioned here a lot about a person having "confidence" in themselves as being attractive. What is the line between being confident and arrogant? What are the characteristics of each? I'm talking about before you really get to know a person. When someone just walks in a room or has a conversation with you, what is the difference.
> 
> I see a lot of people that have confidence in themselves, but it often appears arrogant and snobbish. Isn't it also possible for someone to appear too confident, even if they aren't snobbish? For example, if someone is Goober Pyle, but tries to put on a George Clooney persona, can't that come on as weird?
> 
> I remember a guy i worked for years ago in his 50s at the time. we would go to restaurants for lunch regularly, and he always put on a "cool" persona with the waitresses. I wouldn't call it being heavily flirty, nor did he say anything inappropriate. He actually was just being himself, but he would make little wise-cracks to the waitresses and I'm sure he thought they felt he was a cool guy. I met one of the waitresses in a store later and she said something like, "That guy you work with apparently thinks he's something, but I've got news for him, he's not."


Why such negativity about confidence? You come across as being envious of confident people.


A confident person is a person who believes they can overcome any problems they come across, achieve any task they take on or set for themselves, it’s the same with self-esteem. It’s the fundamental belief that no problem is irresolvable, no obstacle insurmountable.


People who believe those things about themselves, who have confidence and trust in themselves to perform, come over as confident.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Why such negativity about confidence? You come across as being envious of confident people.
> 
> 
> A confident person is a person who believes they can overcome any problems they come across, achieve any task they take on or set for themselves, it’s the same with self-esteem. It’s the fundamental belief that no problem is irresolvable, no obstacle insurmountable.
> ...


No, I thought the question was clear; I want to know the difference between displaying confidence and being arrogant. I notice that some list confidence as attractive; however, we all meet people who act arrogant, like they think "I'm all that." As I've heard it said before, some guys act like they're "Gods gift to women." I assume that's not attractive.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

southbound said:


> No, I thought the question was clear; I want to know the difference between displaying confidence and being arrogant. I notice that some list confidence as attractive; however, we all meet people who act arrogant, like they think "I'm all that." As I've heard it said before, some guys act like they're "Gods gift to women." I assume that's not attractive.


Arrogance is, well arrogance: _unpleasantly proud and behaving as if you are more important than, or know more than, other people._

On the other hand truly confident people (people who don’t even think about their confidence) can be quite humble. Which is the opposite of arrogance. But then again their humility may be insincere, false.

Is “confidence” a quality you wish to acquire to make you more attractive to women? Or are you just venting about arrogant men and pick up artists?


Confidence comes from belief in yourself to do things. As we go through life gaining say homes, cars, pensions etc. etc. we become more and more confident in our belief that we get things done.


If we go through life and reach an age of say 40 or so having accrued nothing of any material value at all, then a man becomes seriously sad and depressed and will either have thoughts of suicide or actually pull his finger out, realise his whole philosophy of life was wrong and got him nowhere whatsoever and just maybe he’ll start making a success of his life.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I so appreicate those who are just plain good hearted people....there is a vibe with these types...they are a little more open minded, they are not prone to clickishness & they do not always judge a book by it's cover... they do not see themselves as superior...(if that temptation comes upon them, they try to put it down) ... like their class is above anothers class - based on what they own ~ how they dress ~ education ~ climbing the social ladder ~ physical beauty ......such people recognize that all of us have unique gifts/talents & something of value ...to contribute. 

These types do not come off with a 'c0cky confidence"....but a human confidence - a confidence seasoned with some *humilty* too...that irregardless of their social standing / beauty....they value other people in addition to themselves....and our different roles in society . 

These people will still speak his or her mind, being who they are -even if going against the wind of the crowd -without fear & without camouflaging themselves in order to be accepted by others. They also do not need to brag, or boast of their accomplishments when one is 1st getting to know them....

I once had a young lady at my house, she was friends with my oldest.....I was sitting among them talking about stuff, their lives...she didn't go on about herself, was more of a listener...she joined in , laughed ....a little while later, I learned this girl had a magnificent voice ....heard her sing in church...such passion/strong/confident/ she blew me away....she even had a CD out and honestly, if she climbs to fame someday, I wouldn't be surprised. I was sooo impressed..... the next time she came to my house, I made it a point to praise her ....just because. 

Now that was a girl who had some inner confidence. 

There is a scripture that says ......"*Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips*". Prov 27:2 

And I think people have confidence in different areas, some are blessed with people skills, some are better with computers, cars, some hobby they have a passion for...you might see them Light up. Maybe others just need to see them "in their element".

We need not all be the same. 

I don't think any of us like a TRUE bragger, that is just annoying .... but people will always be attracted to someone who is capable, knows what they want, can speak about it with a sparkle in their eye, has a plan & a purpose to go about getting it ~ making a success out of himself or herself. 

How Honorable they are in acheiving these things speaks to their* character*....... Do they just use people to get where they are going or inspire and help others along the way. 

Here is a Self Confident Test >>> Are You Confident? Take the Self-Confidence Test! 


Probably didn't even answer the question Southbound, but those are my thoughts !


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

If you're arrogant you don't have the ability to be humble. If you're confident you have the ability to be humble and practice it regularly.

Confidence is warmly saying thank you and smiling when someone gives you a compliment. 
Arrogance would be smirking and saying Thanks in a way that states "yeah,i know that.i don't need YOU to tell me."


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Putting the soles of your feet into peoples faces is total arrogance. As is sitting with your feet on a desk pointing your soles at people.


In some cultures there is no bigger insult than touching a person with the soles of your shoes.


Just in case you were totally unaware of it and it's not (a) deliberate or (b) a reflection of what goes on inside of you.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Arrogance speaks first.

Confidence listens first.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Mistys dad said:


> Arrogance speaks first.
> 
> Confidence listens first.


Yes.

It’s in that way that a person “displays” (probably better term would be “demonstrates”) confidence.


Maybe arrogance is displayed (as per the feet in your picture Southbound), confidence demonstrated.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Yes.
> 
> It’s in that way that a person “displays” (probably better term would be “demonstrates”) confidence.
> 
> ...


You've mentioned my avatar twice. Are you saying it offends you?

I can assure you that when I put an attractive woman's feet as my avatar, arrogance is the last thing I intend to display.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Southbound, you are correct. The 'God's Gift' approach rarely works with me (and most of my female peers), but I'm usually always the oddball around here 

Confidence is someone who quietly knows who they are. Arrogance is a loudmouth at a party telling everyone who they are.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

And I like your Avi!


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Confidence is being happy with yourself. Quietly knowing that you are capable, worthy of esteem and also that you don't know (or need to know) everything. It means that if you need help, or someone else knows something you don't, you are secure enough to ask for that help.

Being confident means you aren't afraid to try something because you're not scared you'll fail. You love to win, but you're not afraid of losing. 

Confident people know themselves and have a reasonably accurate sense of their strengths and weaknesses. They don't put themselves down, they don't put others down. They give credit where credit is due and are able to own their mistakes gracefully. 

Arrogant people need praise and acknowledgement. No point being fabulous if no-ones there to see. Confident people are able to enjoy their successes without needing outside validation or feeling that someone else's success, or difference in opinion, is an attack.


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