# Why would a woman get married?



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

A few days ago there was an article in the Huffington Post titled "Why Would a Man Get Married?". I read it and it talked about men get married under the presumption of sex and chose a partner in essence because of it. It went on further to say that they want their partner to stay the same way, look the same way and behave the same way. The boards there were filled with men who had different experiences. Many were divorced after sexless marriages, wives were distant and cold or they were traded in for new models. Few seemed to think marriage was a good idea, yet the research (Census Bureau) shows that men get remarried more often than women. Why? They wanted a "caretaker". Women did not. They were done filling that role.

I would like to write an article titled "Why Would a Woman Get Married?". Women now earn their own income (most of the time) yet are still seen by society as responsible for the home, the children, the "image" and what not. Expected to stay the same way they were in their 20's. I have read that a man gets more value as he ages, where as a woman does not. She is forced to compete with younger woman often times and her value is solely placed on her looks. Men are after all visual and they make zero excuses about it. Aging = unacceptable. 

That same Census poll said that married men live longer than their unmarried counterparts, yet the married women lived shorter lives than un-married/widowed females. So why would a woman get married? What is in it for her? Getting old, undesirable and left?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> That same Census poll said *that married men live longer than their unmarried counterparts*, yet the married women lived shorter lives than un-married/widowed females. So why would a woman get married? What is in it for her? Getting old, undesirable and left?


There was another study that proved that men who were in bad marriages actually lived less than their single counterparts. I'll see if I can find it for you.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Honestly, getting married was not on my radar. I was one of those "let's live together, we love each other, that's enough for me" types. I never had the daydream of a wedding. He knew this from early on and was good with that until it became more important to him as we got older. I wanted to spend my life with this man, whether we were married or not. When he proposed, I of course said yes. I didn't really think about what was in it for me. I just wanted us to be together and was excited to take that step with him, even though I didn't know why that was even a step for us. We already owned a house together, we were already practically married. 

When vanity and insecurity gets the better of me and I wonder about these wrinkles developing on my forehead, he says he loves them because it signals I'm a thinker and he's glad to have an intelligent wife that thinks about important things. And yes, I lap that up.  He then reminds me there's beauty in aging gracefully. 

The importance of marriage is personal. It could be debated and I'm not sure I'm the best to answer constructively. What I _do_ know is that I'm cherishing this journey with him and I love having him around every day.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> It went on further to say that they want their partner to stay the same way, look the same way and behave the same way.


This sounds immature/naive to me. Everything and everyone is constantly changing. Relationships are about growing together, changing together, encouraging each other.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

morituri said:


> There was another study that proved that men who were in bad marriages actually lived less than their single counterparts. I'll see if I can find it for you.


And I'm sure unhappily married women live less then their happily married counterparts. Marriage still kills women earlier.

Also a woman who never marries is far less likely to end up living in poverty then a woman who marries and has children.

I hate seeing those articles on why men shouldn't marry, when women should be even more wary.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

After what happened with my marriage I'm not sure!
Financial security would be one thing but let me tell you having had a professional job as a single parent for many years it is waaaaaaaaaaaay eaiser to earn money at a legal job than as a sexual doormat and companion at the ready washing dirty pants and scrubbing a grown man's toilet. 
I know not all men are like my husband, I have got much better at flushing out the jerks, not just romantically but in all areas of my life. 

I am PRO-MARRIAGE. That is, I think it is wonderful to be married to someone who is your friend and lover and life partner, where you have each other's backs unconditionally. Of course, it is so difficult to live with someone on a day to day basis, even your friends. But it is an opportunity to practice zen thinking, and to manage your emotions. There are always going to be demons in one's home. Nothing is perfect. It is how you handle imperfect that makes marriage worthwhile. Anyone can do the 'perfect' stuff, even fake it, but when someone is imperfect then that is their soft underbelly, and how they handle imperfection or less than perfect (ie your true self, fragile ego and insecurities, etc) says a lot about someone else. In my experience someone who takes advantage of knowledge about achille's heels shared in an intimate relationship, is trouble for marriage. Someone who takes that knowledge and strives to help you grow a thick skin over your soft spot, or seeks to provide that thick skin, is a good marriage partner. 

Finances and parenting etc. they are bonuses in a good marriage, in a bad marriage they will suck you down trying to fix stuff that isn't at the core of the issues.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Syrum said:


> Also a woman who never marries is far less likely to end up living in poverty then a woman who marries and has children.
> 
> I hate seeing those articles on why men shouldn't marry, when women should be even more wary.


Agreed. What does marriage do for a woman these days? Bah, I know I am projecting. If I had daughters though, I would tell them to stay single.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Agreed. What does marriage do for a woman these days? Bah, I know I am projecting. If I had daughters though, I would tell them to stay single.


LOL. 

I have seen WAY more articles/things on "Why would a man get married?" than "Why would a woman get married?" Interesting.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> LOL.
> 
> I have seen WAY more articles/things on "Why would a man get married?" than "Why would a woman get married?" Interesting.


The articles about men getting married always say that in the event of divorce they loose half "their" money and access to their kids. The reality is that BOTH people loose half their money. In the case of child custody, the overwhelming number of men do not fight for it. So why the stink about never seeing the kids and child support then? 

Bah, marriage. Yup, I'm feeling it right now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My ex got nearly everything in our divorce, including our home. I didn't even get half the equity--nada. So yeah, it's annoying when I hear people saying how "women get everything."


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think that marriage is one of those things that can allow us to transcend above ourselves and our own selfishness, if we so allow it to. It is a great "people growing" machine if both partners allow it to be. It certainly isn't easy at times, though.

Here's another article for you to think about - not quite so biased about men only wanting sex and good looks and that women are just disposable pieces as they get older. Why Men And Women Get Married - Forbes.com

You know, you don't have to believe all of the crap about women being disposable as they age. As a woman, you have a lot of value more than just your looks and your sexuality - look at the article I linked and see what the Top 10 Traits Wanted in a Wife/Husband are.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Brighteyes:

This jumped out at me from your post: If I had daughters though, I would tell them to stay single.

My daughter just got married, and I am looking forward to grandchildren some day. Love and work are the cornerstones of our lives, and we should strive to make both meaningful. 

When two people love and care for each other, they provide strength for each other's weaknesses. They bring out the best in each other. 

I know people are bitter when marriage doesn't work out, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't strive to find another person to get it right with. I think we are hard wired for marriage.

Marriage and motherhood have taught me to be empathetic to others, to be aware of my own blind spots, and to grow as a person. I would not want to be a closed in, self-contained single person who will not open up to others because they fear being hurt by them.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Agreed. What does marriage do for a woman these days? Bah, I know I am projecting. If I had daughters though, I would tell them to stay single.


Wouldn't it be far better to tell them that if they want to get married, then be willing to focus on finding a man who is 'we'-focused instead of 'me'-focused? That is what is missing. Arguably, you could say that the reporter who wrote this was painting with a wide brush.

Sure, many men want little more than a wife to give them sex, and take care of them. Sometimes, though, I wonder if my only value is in my paycheck and my willingness to unclog stuck toilets, fix brake problems, call insurance guys, etc. But this isn't fair to say about my wife. She wants more. These are just some random practical needs that I dwell on too much.

A lot of men do buy into the dream of a great marriage. Personally, I think this has something to do with the nice guy issues. Those who believe in a comprehensive marriage still lack knowledge on how to do it, though. We cherish the wonder of her womanhood. Although my wife found it hard to believe, I looked forward to growing old with her. Those wrinkles on her face were my wrinkles too. Her gray hair was a milestone in my life. The brown eyes that show a hazel tint in the sunlight will never change. The fact that she chose to share this life with me is the thing that keeps me going when her depression and bipolar mood swings make me feel alone.

Don't get me wrong, though. So many times, I find myself wanting to tell my daughter to avoid marriage in general. Ultimately, I told her to hold out for someone who finally saw just how stubborn she is, loved her anyway, and could articulate a realistic view of marriage.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Halien said:


> Wouldn't it be far better to tell them that if they want to get married, then be willing to focus on finding a man who is 'we'-focused instead of 'me'-focused?


:iagree:

I think the minute you start reading or putting stock in these articles, you are just giving in to stereotypes and other people's misery.

If someone asks you to marry, why not just ask "Why would *we* want to get married?"... and if you can come up with good reasons, say yes. If not, say no.

You're always going to find ways to "prove" men or women get screwed in marriage if you are pessimistic enough.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Halien said:


> Those wrinkles on her face were my wrinkles too.


This is cute 

I think everyone would enjoy having a compatible life partner, one who puts the same effort they do into the relationship. 

Nonetheless, marriage isn't for everyone. 

I have sincere doubts over whether I'd ever do it again. It doesn't hold the same significance it used to for me, personally.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Why do women, or men, get married? I asked what the point of marriage was a little while ago, and for me it only comes down to this: Family.

To me, the marriage is the foundation of a strong family, we choose to make a lifelong committment to someone not because of the intensity of the passion, not because it is just good chemistry and someone we can have fun with, we marry them because we think they we make a great family together - a wonderful partner and parent and because we respect and apreciate their values enough to trust they will help raise children the way we want our children raised, and build our own little kingdom in the manner we want.

IMO, if you don't want to create a family with someone there is no purpose in marriage. And to me raising children doesn't mean until they are the age of majority, they are our children and remain so until we leave this world. Now you can still create a family without the marriage, but that is kind of like joining two buildings on separate foundations, it can still be wonderful but there will just be cracks, structural issues and other flaws that can be covered up but will always be there - you just have to live with those challenges, accept them and work with them - it may affects the "market value" but can still have just as much love as the strongest of families.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ So people who never marry and are families have "cracks?" That seems narrow-minded.

My uncle has been with his "lady" over 3 decades now, have 5 kids together, and they are still very much together, have a home, farm, life, etc. 

They are more together and happy than a lot of married couples I know, not "cracked" with a "bad foundation/structure" as you said. I don't see them as having "dminished market value" just because they never signed a marriage certificate.


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## e.p. (Jun 10, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So why would a woman get married? What is in it for her? Getting old, undesirable and left?


There are still a considerable number of stay at home moms. My wife and the majority of my wives' friends are. 

Read up on sexual dynamics post-feminism. The "cost" of sex is very cheap, with women being "liberated" to have more sex and men age gracefully compared to women, meaning an older man can swing a younger woman, and often times the older man and younger woman are more sexually compatible.

I think it has more to do with there are very few perks in marriage for a man. Especially in divorce. Any separation = child support from the man, even if the wife is working (even in cases where the wife makes more than the man!). The statistics for divorce are very, very favorably skewed towards the woman (awarding alimony, child support, child custody, estate allocations, restrictions on the man's movement after divorce, etc.) Same thing with respect to domestic violence, rape, etc. Despite the number of false rape allegations, despite the number of men who suffer abuse from their wives, we wind up with the "violence against women act" and special rules for women, which are exempted in the other direction.

That being said I'm happily married, and she's worth it. But if we ever divorced I'd be screwed, as a sole provider...

-e.p.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

e.p. said:


> There are still a considerable number of stay at home moms. My wife and the majority of my wives' friends are.
> 
> Read up on sexual dynamics post-feminism. The "cost" of sex is very cheap, with women being "liberated" to have more sex and men age gracefully compared to women, meaning an older man can swing a younger woman, and often times the older man and younger woman are more sexually compatible.
> 
> ...


Your post is why I would never marry again.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

e.p. said:


> The "cost" of sex is very cheap, with women being "liberated" to have more sex and men age gracefully compared to women.


Men age more "gracefully" compared to women? Haha. That may be true in "SOME" cases. Not all though. 



e.p. said:


> I think it has more to do with there are very few perks in marriage for a man. Especially in divorce. Any separation = child support from the man, even if the wife is working (even in cases where the wife makes more than the man!).


Wrong. "Any separation" does not automatically lead to child support from the man. There are cases children aren't even involved in separation (cases where there were not children had in the marriage). Also, some women who make more than the man are ordered to pay child support since they ar ethe higher earner.

Stereotypes are so much fun!



Therealbrighteyes said:


> Your post is why I would never marry again.


It did come across as a "little" sexist, didn't it?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> It did come across as a "little" sexist, didn't it?


Ya think?!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> ^ So people who never marry and are families have "cracks?" That seems narrow-minded.
> 
> My uncle has been with his "lady" over 3 decades now, have 5 kids together, and they are still very much together, have a home, farm, life, etc.
> 
> They are more together and happy than a lot of married couples I know, not "cracked" with a "bad foundation/structure" as you said. I don't see them as having "dminished market value" just because they never signed a marriage certificate.


Not narrow minded at all, definitely opinionated, but not a narrow view - I'd say there IS a crack and they have done a bang up job of dealing with it because they work with it. I never said that there is a "bad" foundation, it is just a different kind that intrinsically creates challenges that a proper marriage doesn't have... (of course marriages can have their own problems and isn't a magical fix for anything, as attested by the fact that most marriages seem to break up anyway). I'm just saying that what your uncle has is not what most would value, but it works for them and that is ultimately all that matters.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Men age more "gracefully" compared to women? Haha. That may be true in "SOME" cases. Not all though.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ha ha...someone should tell my mother how she was rolling in the dough after my parents divorce! 

She made quite a bit less than my father did, after years and years out of the work force staying home with us and still ended up paying him child support since he was the one with primary physical custody. Not to mention she had to pay a portion of our insurance and medical expenses as they came up too... She definitely had things pretty tight for a while, I'm sure.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Lon,
Why would marriage be a prerequisite for children?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lon said:


> Not narrow minded at all, definitely opinionated, but *not a narrow view *- *I'd say there IS a crack* and they have done a bang up job of dealing with it because they work with it. I never said that there is a "bad" foundation, it is *just a different kind that intrinsically creates challenges that a proper marriage doesn't have*...


"There is a crack" and an affected "market value" implies that their relationship isn't "as good" as those that are married and signed a marriage certificate.

Meaning, a different "standard." Meaning marriage is superior to long-term committed relationships without a signed marriage ceritificate. "Those relationships can be wonderful BUT..."

On the flipside of that, you said "if you don't want to create a family with someone there is no purpose in marriage." So what about those who marry and can't have children? Or choose not to have children? Are they not as good as the marrieds who DO have children? Are their marriages not up to the "standard?" 

Okaaay.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes:

Why would marriage be a prerequisite for children? 

Ask any child this question, and they will tell you that they want their parents to be married. They want the security of knowing that both parents are committed to loving each other and to taking care of them. Their parents are buyers, not renters in the relationship.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I have a girlfriend who would prefer her parents were NOT married. Her parents hate eachother. One of those "stay for the children"-type couples.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

lovesherman said:


> Therealbrighteyes:
> 
> Why would marriage be a prerequisite for children?
> 
> Ask any child this question, and they will tell you that they want their parents to be married. They want the security of knowing that both parents are committed to loving each other and to taking care of them. Their parents are buyers, not renters in the relationship.


But can't you be committed without being married? Heck, half of Europe aschews marriage and they have long term relationships and children. Take Sweden for example. Very family centric yet the marriage rate is hovering around 35% now.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

But can't you be committed without being married?

Yes, you can, but human nature loves contracts. Unfortunately we tend to be selfish, and a contract reinforces our resolve to maintain the relationship when things get rocky. Why stay when you run into problems?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

lovesherman said:


> But can't you be committed without being married?
> 
> Yes, you can, but human nature loves contracts. Unfortunately we tend to be selfish, and a contract reinforces our resolve to maintain the relationship when things get rocky. Why stay when you run into problems?


With a 50% divorce rate in the U.S. and infidelity rates that are near 65% depending on the gender, I would argue that that contract means very little to many people.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

You're right, and I wish we taught our young people how to maintain a relationship. So many of them are postponing marriage because they saw how their parents could not stay married.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Whoa! So postponing marriage leads to fertility problems? What?? 

There is no "handbook" on how to "maintain a relationship." Also "Why stay" is a very valid question--whether a couple is married or not. The willingness to work on a relationship is up to the two involved in a relationship. It has nothing to do with whether a couple is married or not. Like I said, I have seen miserables couples alike (married and not). Just as I've seen happy couples (married or not). It's not about whether they signed a certificate or not. Saying everyone should get married and have children or it's not "good enough" is basically dictating how things should go down.

Live and let live.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I was one of those young impressionable girls who dreamed of my Handsome Prince since in Elementary school , always loved those boys, they made me laugh, even cry -but never too much, I never let them get too close. I was always dreaming of the one who might steal my heart & want just ME -for ME. ALWAYS wanted to marry, have kids, screw the white picket fence, just give me a peice of land - the whole romantic wedded bliss euphoria is what swirled in my innocent mind, 2 against the world, soul mates, never questioned it, never wanted anything else more in life, no matter how many marraiges I seen fall apart growing up, even my own parents, even the drama of my step mothers 1st marraige-before my dad. That was scary! I guess you could say - " I had a dream" despite what I witnessed around me. 

It was 1 thing I ALWAYS clung too in my teens when things at home weren't so wonderful -(step Mom drama - we just didn't get along). 

I never accually dreamed of a career, I guess I wanted to be like my Grandmother or something, she was very important in my growing up years, with all her stories & advice, she had a good paying job she adored UNTIL she married, then her life was her family /home and she never looked back, she cooked from scratch, she took endless pictures & memories, always talked about them with a smile & laughter that inspired me . 

I am so much like her and very old fashioned. This WAS my impressionable example of a fine life & marriage. So my dream continued for that special guy to enter my life , I even prayed for him on my knees. 

It has been wonderful despite some of our trials-which seem so minor in comparison to some I read here. I have always cherished marraige. I would always here people say it got worse after marraige. For us, we always felt it got better- even with the hardships. We can't imagine being without the other. I want THIS experience for all of my children. 

Of coarse we can all change some as we grow older, emotionally, physically, intellectually, but I don't think our *Temperments *ever change in life , or our *Love Languages *, these things pretty much remain a constant. To understand each other in these things can be a life saver before committing to a lifetime. And generally our *morals *won't do a total about face either -hopefully. And can we fight and still love quickly afterwards ?! And how many change their life long goals and dreams? To know these strongly before setting out on the trip of a lifetime with another human being, how important is this - to know who you are and what you want. Me & my husbands "set goals" -what we agreed on before we married -NEVER changed as the years rolled past. 

Maybe that is not the norm, I don't know. 

But still, in this day and age, I WANT my only daughter to go to College- be prepared for a career, something I didn't choose to do (& have no regrets other than the exciting experience it might have been) . For her, it is more because of what society EXPECTS of her, and even men today expect it , many desire working wives, and I fear she will not be looked upon as valuable if she does not posses an education. I realize I should be looking at this more because a man may fail her and of coarse - that could happen also. 

But honestly, I hope she finds one just like her dad, that is my prayer for my daughter.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Aww. That is a really sweet post, SA


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

The irony in this thread is that the men who protest about marriage being a sexless prison sentence that lessens their financial value would appear to be ideally suited for the women who protest about marriage being a care-taking sentence that lessens their life span, and vice versa. They get together in whatever way they define acceptable, and if the woman becomes less desirable or the man requires more attention, they can just leave. Simple. Less investment put in, less hassle on the way out.

That seems so empowering and yet so hollow at the same time, at least to me.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Acorn said:


> The irony in this thread is that the men who protest about marriage being a sexless prison sentence that lessens their financial value would appear to be ideally suited for the women who protest about marriage being a care-taking sentence that lessens their life span, and vice versa. They get together in whatever way they define acceptable, and if the woman becomes less desirable or the man requires more attention, they can just leave. Simple. Less investment put in, less hassle on the way out.
> 
> That seems so empowering and yet so hollow at the same time, at least to me.


Wow and yet so true.


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

I was married and divorced. The reason i married him is because I was head over heels in love with him and he asked me I said yes. After the divorce, i am now in a 13 yr relationship that I have never taken the vows for and never will. Not because my marriage jaded me, but because with his 30+ yrs of drinking i do not want to end up being his caretaker and even though i've allowed him to abuse and manipulate me, I FINALLY realized I will never love this man, therefore will never marry him.

I guess i'm one who would marry for love. But I'm not sure I would ever be able to marry again...he would have to be very special 

In my divorce I got practically nil. Several women I know got next to nothing in their divorce also...so I'm not sure where men think they get the raw end of the deal in divorces (in these articles).

To be honest, it scares me that men think younger women and older men are more compatible in life. Ugh! How's this for compatible...my man is 10yrs older than me and can't get it up and I have a high sex drive. Yes, very sexy for me. I know this cougar thing is all the rage now, and when i have these young men hit on me, I feel flattered but I'm more thinking I want someone closer to my age. Someone who doesn't feel the need to tell me his woes in losing at his play station game, yet someone who can keep me happy in bed. Is that so much to ask for


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> This is cute
> 
> I think everyone would enjoy having a compatible life partner, one who puts the same effort they do into the relationship.
> 
> ...


In being honest with myself, I realized that my reason for asking for a divorce wasn't just because my wife refused to actively work on the bipolar depression that dominates her life. I also wanted a compatable life partner. In my case, though, I ultimately realized that I will continue to be the one who carries the banner of being a dreamer when it comes to our marriage. She'll be practical. She'll worry for the both of us. Our goal is to make these two types work out for happiness.

To your comment, though:

My wife had a recent health scare, and found conclusively that she carries a genetic marker that gives her a 50% chance of the familial breast cancer. Her younger sister has it, and my wife has the early cysts. She talks about 'what ifs?' all the time, and I realize that I would look at marriage differently if I had to do it over again. Don't think I'd completely give up the dream, though. When we married, I was completely trusting because she never had the abandonment issues I did, nor the violent past. Now, my motto is, "In God we trust, all else bring verification."


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ BPD is one helluva thing. Uptown always most the most fascinating threads on it. Does she take medication? I wondered if my ex husband was bi-polar- just couldn't understand how something could go back and forth from good to angry in so little time. I thought he needed treatment for a loong time (and still does).



stumblealong said:


> I was married and divorced.


How long were you married for, Stumble? I'm glad you found happiness. I am receptive to a long-term relationship but not so much marriage anymore.


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

I realize this is only my small world I have to use as a comparison to what has been written in articles and shown in hollywood...but in thinking about 3 women who are close to me and their relationships, I think the older male younger female aspect isn't so great. My sis's husband is 11yrs her senior and not only has ED, but can't keep up with her and she has no one to go out and have fun with. My close friend has the same problem. I think we may have been taught to go for older guys as security. Even tho i don't think that was my conscience decision. But, another friend of mine husband is 13yrs younger than her and they are happy as clams. Been together for 10yrs and can't keep their hands off each other. so, to the men that think younger women and older men are more compatible...the dynamics in relationships just may be changing? Ya'think?


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> How long were you married for, Stumble? I'm glad you found happiness. I am receptive to a long-term relationship but not so much marriage anymore.


Hi JB! I was married for 3yrs (with him a total of 7) he was my high school sweetheart. Sorry to have misled but I'm not happy but striving to get there. I am in the process of separating from my partner of 13yrs, he is the one who has put me through the ringer, not my ex H. My ex was a great guy, our marriage fell apart mostly because of us being young and immature.

I've read your threads and I don't blame you for not trusting in marriage anymore. I feel the same way. had I married the guy I am currently with, it would certainly be harder to get out of. Let's just say that me NOT marrying him was one of the better decisions i've made in my life.


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## newdaddy79 (Aug 15, 2011)

I don't get it. People get married because they want to commit to one person and have that companionship the rest of their lives. It sounds like the article you read and want to write are more about people that apparently don't want that. 

There are a lot of people that foolishly go into marriage for all the wrong reasons. But why would place value in what they say? If a man truly says that he expects his wife at 40 to still look like she was at 25, after kids and everything else, than obviously he is not a man to be emulated nor to a man to seek after. 

I married my wife at 21, and although we are still young (32) we never have viewed marriage with pre-conceived notions, other than the fact that we are committed to each other. 

A wise person once told me that in a marriage you go through many trials. But these trials, when endured, are like making deposits in the bank. You are depositing for your future, TOGETHER. Life will never be perfect and never will marriages, but you work on it together and stay committed, and nothing will allow that marriage to break up. And you will be blessed for it.

So stop wasting time getting all upset at people that obviously have no clue what it takes to have a strong marriage and start looking at ones that have successful marriages.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

stumblealong said:


> Hi JB! I was married for 3yrs (with him a total of 7) he was my high school sweetheart. Sorry to have misled but I'm not happy but striving to get there. I am in the process of separating from my partner of 13yrs, he is the one who has put me through the ringer, not my ex H. My ex was a great guy, our marriage fell apart mostly because of us being young and immature.
> 
> I've read your threads and I don't blame you for not trusting in marriage anymore. I feel the same way. had I married the guy I am currently with, it would certainly be harder to get out of. Let's just say that me NOT marrying him was one of the better decisions i've made in my life.


Thanks for sharing. Hopefully you guys get everything sorted out, wehther it's together or apart.


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## newdaddy79 (Aug 15, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> But can't you be committed without being married? Heck, half of Europe aschews marriage and they have long term relationships and children. Take Sweden for example. Very family centric yet the marriage rate is hovering around 35% now.


Nobody can honestly say that unmarried couples having kids is the ideal family arrangement. Sure, some may make it work. But this world has forgotten about the very foundation of our society - FAMILY. And that starts with a healthy marriage, a commitment between man and woman. 

I know people have been scarred by bad relationships, but the bottom line is a healthy marriage leads to a healthy family. So I don't care how family centric Swedes are, it is not an ideal way of doing things. Just look at this generation of kids and how misbehaved and erratic they are, and then look at the divorce rates, and tell me how the two are not connected in some way or another.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> ^ BPD is one helluva thing. Uptown always most the most fascinating threads on it. Does she take medication? I wondered if my ex husband was bi-polar- just couldn't understand how something could go back and forth from good to angry in so little time. I thought he needed treatment for a loong time (and still does).
> .


Bipolar spectrum disorder is a lot different than what most people think. Many assume Bipolar I. I'm not an expert, and every doc seems to have a different name for it. No wild mood swings that include euphoria, just normal to depressed swings. Most anti-depressants lead to suicidal tendencies, at least so far. Not to generalize - that's just her. BTW - I think BPD usually refers to borderline personality disorder, but I'm not sure.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

newdaddy79 said:


> But this world has forgotten about the very foundation of our society - FAMILY. And that starts with a healthy marriage, a commitment between man and woman.


We’ve over one million single parent (mother) families in England. It contributes to this sort of thing:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-East-Ham-Argos-looter-stole-toddler-tow.html.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...gan-shooting-sparked-police-beating-girl.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...London-lockdown-David-Cameron-flies-home.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...says-good-samaritans-threatened-stab-him.html

They are basically feral kids. Animals. And there are very many of them.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Lon,
> Why would marriage be a prerequisite for children?


biologically its not... but morally for me, it is because that is what I believe.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

^^^ See the above. It's the alternative to marriage as we knew it.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

AFEH said:


> ^^^ See the above. It's the alternative to marriage as we knew it.


I think suggesting that the inevitable alternative to marriage is looting, rioting and anarchy is a bit of a stretch but I can appreciate the humor.

I've been thinking a bit about "societal expectations", and I realize there will always be those that go with the flow on any given issue, and those that will go against the grain. I think many people miss the point because they use their direction of flow as a way to define their own identity. For me I understand that their is a collective wisdom in the way in cultural and social expectations determine what is right and wrong, but I also realize that it constantly changes thanks to those who want to change it, and I think it is all a good thing.

It is good to question the importance of a legal and/or religious marriage in the family structure, it is also wise to understand that the institution of marriage has stood up to centuries of challenges for a reason. Its not about forcing societal expectations on everyone - each individual has to do what works for them, but we wouldn't all be posting on a MARRIAGE website if we didn't see how important it is not only on the family but on society.

So I will stand by my opinion that a marriage, for the right reason will always be the best foundation for a healthy family, because, again imo, that is its main purpose. As to how individuals define their own "marriages" in the general non-legal, non-religious sense, I leave that completely up to them.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Lon said:


> I think suggesting that the inevitable alternative to marriage is looting, rioting and anarchy is a bit of a stretch but I can appreciate the humor.
> 
> I've been thinking a bit about "societal expectations", and I realize there will always be those that go with the flow on any given issue, and those that will go against the grain. I think many people miss the point because they use their direction of flow as a way to define their own identity. For me I understand that their is a collective wisdom in the way in cultural and social expectations determine what is right and wrong, but I also realize that it constantly changes thanks to those who want to change it, and I think it is all a good thing.
> 
> ...


I disagree with your opening statement. But otherwise for me you have exceedingly good sentiments. It does me good to hear them.


Children are a real commitment. My goodness, you should see the English with their dogs! But joking aside, children are a total commitment until they are the age of majority, 18 in the UK. Marriage is for me an earthquake, tsunami surviving commitment. Personally I think that’s what marriage is all about. The commitment, the biggest one we will ever make in our life. It’s because human children are helpless for so very very long. They need nurturing, comforting, making that they really feel safe, secure and protected and teaching. That is why human’s commit to one another for such a very long time.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Lmao. I say go for it ladies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sameold (Aug 11, 2011)

I got married because he's lots of fun and I could see myself hanging out with him for the rest of our lives. We could talk to each other. He wanted kids, I wanted kids.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Back to the original post, I think that a number of recent articles about the walk away wife syndrome would really shed some light about changing perceptions of marriage among women. These are not about women who leave for other men. They just leave marriage period. Not saying that I agree with every element of these, but there are some valid points. Women's role in our culture is evolving, but our expectations tend to stay behind. Many women in the articles just came to feel like all they got out of marriage was just more work. They work hard at a job, gain confidence, but then come home to a person that seems resistant to their attempts to stay connected. The key is that their husbands, from their descriptions, mostly thought that things were okay. Their needs were being met.

I'd like to believe that many of the men I know would be horrified to think that this was how their wives described marriage, but some seem to really take a different view of marriage, so its hard to say.

Just curious about what everyday women really think.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Halien said:


> Back to the original post, I think that a number of recent articles about the walk away wife syndrome would really shed some light about changing perceptions of marriage among women. These are not about women who leave for other men. They just leave marriage period. Not saying that I agree with every element of these, but there are some valid points. Women's role in our culture is evolving, but our expectations tend to stay behind. Many women in the articles just came to feel like all they got out of marriage was just more work. They work hard at a job, gain confidence, but then come home to a person that seems resistant to their attempts to stay connected. The key is that their husbands, from their descriptions, mostly thought that things were okay. Their needs were being met.
> 
> I'd like to believe that many of the men I know would be horrified to think that this was how their wives described marriage, but some seem to really take a different view of marriage, so its hard to say.
> 
> Just curious about what everyday women really think.


Incredible insight Halien. I think this is also why 70% of all divorces are initiated by women. Is it that women are financially motivated to do so? Not in this day and age of negligible alimony if at all. I think it is because she just gets fed up and has options. The husband is left blindsided. 
Also, men tend to remarry in these situations where as a woman does not. Is it because she is older, etc? Not so sure. I think more and more chose to remain single because they have no desire to be a caretaker anymore. The man on the other hand wants this and therefore remarries, usually someone younger who hasn't been a caretaker before. 
Generalizing for sure but I think there is some truth here. It seems to be a trend at least.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

My opinion (which has nothing to back it up but my friends and acquaintances) is that in a bad marriage, men are more likely to "make the best of it" and be the immovable rock while women are more able to see life outside the box and the potential after divorce.

I don't know if one is any better than the other. I think the woman is much more likely to be the one to realize that life could be better divorced. I think she is also much more likely to be the one to come crawling back if her vision didn't work out so well. Again, just my opinion.

I don't know about the caretaking angle - I have heard that many women post-divorce will just realize that their social needs are met within their framework of friends and family, and with children now off the table, they have little use for marriage. Men tend to have smaller social networks in general so their needs would be greater, thus accounting for their higher remarriage rate.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Acorn said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I think the minute you start reading or putting stock in these articles, you are just giving in to stereotypes and other people's misery.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I think it all depends on who you ask. If you ask my mom...well, you will want to run to the hills screaming. 

I'd get married all over again, and even go through this crap all over again. 

Just different people, I guess. 

In general, I think women get married to try to secure her mate to the family. Even though we know it's not necessarily permanent, many women want that security in order to start bringing offspring into the world.

Before I had my 2nd daughter, I had no desire to get married. I was fine raising my first daughter and dating. I had been engaged a couple of times (it's so hard to say no!! And I was young) but broke them off because I wouldn't mean my vows. Then I met my husband. Couldn't deny it.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i know i'm never getting married again and i hope my daughter never gets married either. it's not worth it.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> ^ BPD is one helluva thing. Uptown always most the most fascinating threads on it. Does she take medication? I wondered if my ex husband was bi-polar- just couldn't understand how something could go back and forth from good to angry in so little time. I thought he needed treatment for a loong time (and still does).
> 
> 
> 
> How long were you married for, Stumble? I'm glad you found happiness. I am receptive to a long-term relationship but not so much marriage anymore.


Just to clarify....BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder...I have it. That is what Uptown's EXW has.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I've heard it said time and again that women enter into marriage with greater expectations while men enter marriage with very few expectations. Do you think this is true?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

e.p. said:


> There are still a considerable number of stay at home moms. My wife and the majority of my wives' friends are.
> 
> Read up on sexual dynamics post-feminism. The "cost" of sex is very cheap, with women being "liberated" to have more sex and men age gracefully compared to women, meaning an older man can swing a younger woman, and often times the older man and younger woman are more sexually compatible.
> 
> ...


Your post is very wrong.

After marriage and because they are most likely to be left still raising the children, women are many many more times likely to end up living in poverty then men. 

And what false rape allegations are we talking about?:scratchhead:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Since more than half of all children in America are born outside of legal marriage, it can't be that. Since the average marriage lasts a little less than 9 years, it can't be looking for the stability of old age. 

I think people marry for the same reason people go to college. It's expected of them and more or less everyone in their milieu does it. I also think that men and women are more upfront now than they were thirty years ago that their own expectations are low and that quite possibly they are embarking on a 'starter marriage'.

Last but by no means least, we have fewer and lower expectations of younger people now. This society sees it as entirely normal for parents to substantially support their kids, financially, well into their late 20's. We infantilize them to some extent. And low and behold they act immaturely. So we have a gaggle of 20-somethings running around in a state of neither childhood nor adulthood but a permanent adolescence and they decide they LOVE! each other and have a wedding and EVERYTHING! KISS KISS HUG HUG with little realistic expectations of what constitutes a mature adult monogamous life with the intent that it's anything more than a fling. And since, as I noted most children aren't born into marriage anymore, it's not a stigma for a mother of 1 or 2 kids to 'strike off' on her own and foist her kids off on her mom while she culls the herd for Mr Right; 2.0. Meanwhile Brotard Guy in his Ed Hardy shirt realizes now that he's 30 it's time to stop spending all day getting chest waxes and playing golf. So he hitches up with Little Ms. Associate's Degree, ankle tat and toddler in tow.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

e.p. said:


> There are still a considerable number of stay at home moms. My wife and the majority of my wives' friends are.
> 
> Read up on sexual dynamics post-feminism. The "cost" of sex is very cheap, with women being "liberated" to have more sex and men age gracefully compared to women, meaning an older man can swing a younger woman, and often times the older man and younger woman are more sexually compatible.
> 
> ...



Funny, when I divorced my EXH I didn't get child support. I can't remember the wording verbatim in my divorce papers but, it was something along the lines of...the issue of child support is reserved until such time the lazy @ss gets a job. Guess what? He NEVER got a job. Our kids are now 22 and 18 and he never helped support them. Then again, he just now came back into their lives last year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## e.p. (Jun 10, 2011)

Syrum said:


> And what false rape allegations are we talking about?:scratchhead:


There's been a number of stories on this sort of thing, but here's a pretty well sourced one. (numbers in the quotes below = citations)

RADAR: About Half of Rape Allegations are False, Research Shows




> A review of 556 rape accusations filed against Air Force personnel found that 27% of women later recanted. Then 25 criteria were developed based on the profile of those women, and then submitted to three independent reviewers to review the remaining cases. If all three reviewers deemed the allegation was false, it was categorized as false. As a result, 60% of all allegations were found to be false.1 Of those women who later recanted, many didn't admit the allegation was false until just before taking a polygraph test. Others admitted it was false only after having failed a polygraph test.2
> 
> In a nine-year study of 109 rapes reported to the police in a Midwestern city, Purdue sociologist Eugene J. Kanin reported that in 41% of the cases the complainants eventually admitted that no rape had occurred.3
> 
> ...


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

e.p. said:


> There's been a number of stories on this sort of thing, but here's a pretty well sourced one. (numbers in the quotes below = citations)
> 
> RADAR: About Half of Rape Allegations are False, Research Shows


This is discouraging, but I don't agree with the inference that many seem to make that most rapes, not just allegations, are false. Consider that many women's advocates estimate that only a third of rapes are even reported in the first place. What does that say about our culture when young women hear law professionals spending so much energy on discounting rape allegations, and not alot of energy in making them feel safe to report rape? Sure, men get hurt by false allegations, but women get emotionally destroyed by rape. By generically stamping rape cases as false, it takes away from discrediting the true root cause of the problem: inadequate controls to prevent innocent people from being charged. In the case of the Air Force, one would even wonder if there are perceived incentives for false claims. Either way, it's sending signals to women who have really been raped that the burden is on them to prove that they were really raped.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I wonder what the percentage of rapes go unreported? More than you could possibly imagine I'm sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Halien said:


> Either way, it's sending signals to women who have really been raped that the burden is on them to prove that they were really raped.


Exactly!!!  "She was wearing a bikini top and jean shorts, therefore she was prompting it." She was in her own backyard.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

e.p. said:


> There's been a number of stories on this sort of thing, but here's a pretty well sourced one. (numbers in the quotes below = citations)
> 
> RADAR: About Half of Rape Allegations are False, Research Shows


There is no doubt that there are false accusations being lobbed at men for rape. Happens quite often. And as the mother of two teenage sons, I can empathize with men that this is a tight rope to walk on. 

On the flip side, there are plenty of rapes that occur that never get reported. I was a little sister in a fraternity many moons ago. What I saw was nothing short of rape. Drugs being poured in to drinks, drinks that weren't what they said they were, physical coorcion while drunk, etc. Only one woman ever came forward to report to campus police and later the LAPD that she had been raped. I counted at least 19 that would have very valid claims for sexual assault. 1 in 19 reported? If anything, from my experience, rape is underreported. 

Not sure how that has anything to do with why would a woman get married though. :scratchhead:


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Why should a woman get married?

Why not? Woman wants her husband, and lover, to be one big happy family


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Why should a woman get married?
> 
> Why not? Woman wants her husband, and lover, to be one big happy family


Wow, is that even an option? I mean I know it works for Tilda Swinton but other than her.....


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Wow, is that even an option? I mean I know it works for Tilda Swinton but other than her.....


Don't get distracted. The working theory is that this would only create more work for the wife, remember? One more man to clean up after.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> why would a woman get married though. :scratchhead:


Because now she has the same opportunities of cheating on her husband that married men have had in the past of cheating on their wives, and since our little fragile male egos can't handle the idea of our wives betraying us, she can get away with it multiple times and with many men, if she so chooses. 

Don't you know that scientific studies have proven that cheating wives live longer than faithful wives? C'mon RBE, get on board the cheating wives bus and have the ride of your life.

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Halien said:


> Don't get distracted. The working theory is that this would only create more work for the wife, remember? One more man to clean up after.


Wait, so my lover wouldn't be self cleaning? Bummer.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

morituri said:


> Because now she has the same opportunities of cheating on her husband that married men have had in the past of cheating on their wives, and since our little fragile male egos can't handle the idea of our wives betraying us, she can get away with it multiple times and with many men, if she so chooses.
> 
> Don't you know that scientific studies have proven that cheating wives live longer than faithful wives? C'mon RBE, get on board the cheating wives bus and have the ride of your life.
> 
> :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


So we marry so we can cheat? I think you are trying to be funny of course but just in case, please explain.

Ride of my life? Snort. Nice pun. With my luck, if I ever tossed my dignity out the window and stooped so low to cheat, it would turn out to be a one pump chump and an angry inch, not exactly the ride to Pleasureville.


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So we marry so we can cheat? I think you are trying to be funny of course but just in case, please explain.
> 
> Ride of my life? Snort. Nice pun. With my luck, if I ever tossed my dignity out the window and stooped so low to cheat, it would turn out to be a one pump chump and an angry inch, not exactly the ride to Pleasureville.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

That would be my luck too!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So we marry so we can cheat? I think you are trying to be funny of course but just in case, please explain.


Of course I'm being facetious.



> Ride of my life? Snort. Nice pun. With my luck, if I ever tossed my dignity out the window and stooped so low to cheat, it would turn out to be a one pump chump and an angry inch, not exactly the ride to Pleasureville.


Now ladies don't sell yourself 'short', you could get lucky and get a 'jackhammer' man - see urban dictionary for definition.

Jim: Can we go Doggy tonight?

Alicia: Doggy is getting boring, lets mix it up, JACKHAMMER ME YOU MOFO!!

Jim: Who's your daddy now? BIOTCH!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Halien said:


> Don't get distracted. The working theory is that this would only create more work for the wife, remember? One more man to clean up after.


Or pick one dude to He-B!tch Man-Slap around, clean up, do your errands, and give you foot massages with his tongue. Go all Alpha on both their a$$es.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Or pick one dude to He-B!tch Man-Slap around, clean up, do your errands, and give you foot massages with his tongue. Go all Alpha on both their a$$es.


Just when I thought I was pretty comfortable being monogomous, you go and put thoughts like this in my purdy little head. Damn it Burgundy!

And since this has been jacked more times than Morituri's example, I will share what I learned last night. The cricket has the largest penis in proportion to his body than any other creature. Having said that, I doubt the phrase "Hung like a cricket" will be seen as a compliment by most men.

And now back to why women would want to get married.....


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> The cricket has the largest penis in proportion to his body than any other creature. Having said that, I doubt the phrase "Hung like a cricket" will be seen as a compliment by most men.


"Needle dlcked bug F###er"

- Bette Midler


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Wait, so my lover wouldn't be self cleaning? Bummer.


I suspect somethings gonna' be polished, just not the linoleum.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Halien said:


> I suspect somethings gonna' be polished, just not the linoleum.


Oh God, you went there. :rofl:

Can we get back on track?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I actually have a lot to say. But cannot do so at work whilst people wonder what I'm doing on a hot-pink website. Hope to post later.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Wow, is that even an option? I mean I know it works for Tilda Swinton but other than her.....


Why hasn't Tilda Swinton just come out of the closet already?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

e.p. said:


> There's been a number of stories on this sort of thing, but here's a pretty well sourced one. (numbers in the quotes below = citations)
> 
> RADAR: About Half of Rape Allegations are False, Research Shows


I am very dissapointed that you used a group that is well known for it's biase against women and severe skewing of the actual facts and stats.

A non biased government agency or the United Nations, would have been a far better place to get more accurate and non biased facts on sexual assaults.

I think you will find on investigation, that sexual assault is the number one most under reported crime there is. And that false reporting sits at 2% or less of those actually reported (which is all ready very very low). The unfounded rape allegations figure is sometimes put at 8% but it is made clear that unfounded and false are not the same thing and false still sits at 2%

The facts are that if you have a daughter, consider between on third and half of all females are sexually assaulted in their life time, and only a tiny percentage of perps ever get charged and an even tinier percentage ever get sentenced. The real injustice is towards victims of sexual assault, who are more likely to be female. 

While it is awful that a small percentage (2% of the very tiny amount reported) of rape allegations are false, the chances of a man being falsely accused are extremely rare and very low. The chances of your daughter being sexually assaulted however and her attacker never ever having to answer for what has been done are huge. 

So in short, the fact that people get worked up about a tiny percentage of people being falsely accused of rape, but not worked up about the huge percentage of women sexually assaulted, baffles me.:scratchhead:

I honestly just see it as a way to falsely demonize women.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I have no opinion on the above article or topic because I am no expert in the area by any stretch but the United Nations as a credible source? Are you joking??? You mean between the UN troops raping women in Africa and them knowingly falsifying scientific data on climate change???


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Deejo said:


> I actually have a lot to say. But cannot do so at work whilst people wonder what I'm doing on a hot-pink website. Hope to post later.


Can we add a choice of style sheets in our profiles. Even a blue one would be helpful.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Can we add a choice of style sheets in our profiles. Even a blue one would be helpful.


I assumed that mine is blue. I'm color blind, so I'm still trying to understand where the pink is. Are we talking about the gray sidebars?

Just kidding, I did a screen capture and broke it down it in my graphics program. Sure enough, its pink. Bummer. Just like the gray shirt I wore to work for months before a coworker told me it was pink.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Well since this thread is shot to hell, I will add that there is a guy here (name redacted) who has over 2400 posts and been a member since 2009 and did not realize that this site is pink until some new guy pointed it out. And he is NOT color blind and typically very astute. 
It was hilarious as all get out.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

He voted for Farah Fawcett wallpaper in the Men's Clubhouse.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Actually Chris is considering some design changes to the site now. don't forget "Dogs Playing Poker" TRB.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> Actually Chris is considering some design changes to the site now. don't forget "Dogs Playing Poker" TRB.


If they get Farrah, can we get the mens Brazillian soccer team shirtless in the the Ladies Lounge? Pretty please. ray:


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Let's not start that again.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Well since this thread is shot to hell, I will add that there is a guy here (name redacted) who has over 2400 posts and been a member since 2009 and did not realize that this site is pink until some new guy pointed it out. And he is NOT color blind and typically very astute.
> It was hilarious as all get out.


What an idiot!!!

Remember those lesbians who used to post in the Men's Clubhouse all the time - Trenton and Brennan? Wonder whatever happened to them...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Halien said:


> I assumed that mine is blue. I'm color blind, so I'm still trying to understand where the pink is. Are we talking about the gray sidebars?
> 
> Just kidding, I did a screen capture and broke it down it in my graphics program. Sure enough, its pink. Bummer. Just like the gray shirt I wore to work for months before a coworker told me it was pink.


:rofl:

Some men can pull off wearing pink shirts. They are just not usually the ones that do.

I would prefer a style to choose from that looks more like T-nation.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> What an idiot!!!


Ha!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

God bless you Brighteyes...God bless you...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Two dudes = eww to a straight guy.
> Two chicks = a helluva good time.
> 
> One is "gay" while the other is not.
> ...


Yes. What you are saying is correct. Really. Two chicks are just double down hot. At least before I was married to my wonderful wife.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> Yes. What you are saying is correct. Really. Two chicks are just double down hot. At least before I was married to my wonderful wife.


How can one be gay while the other is not? That makes no sense. :scratchhead:

And NG, you should be thanking Entropy here not me. He is the one who provided you with your weekend viewing material.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Oh - missed that.

Already filed away in my "spank bank!"


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Amp's watching this like a hawk I see.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

No, like a ceiling cat!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> No, like a ceiling cat!


That cat looks like a furry Ninja.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)




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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Damn it, Amp! You want to warn someone before you post something like that!!
I was sipping water with pebbles of ice in it and just choked. Full on spaz coughing attack. Red face, ice down some random pipe, sputtering, etc. 
Holy hell.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Sorry


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> choked. Full on spaz coughing attack. Red face.


Sorry didn't know you were allergic to cats.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> How can one be gay while the other is not? That makes no sense. :scratchhead:
> 
> And NG, you should be thanking Entropy here not me. He is the one who provided you with your weekend viewing material.


I guess it is that body agenda thing. It is easier to repopulate the world two at a time.

Then again I get in trouble with two at a time of anything. A few weeks ago on a business trip I got into ordering two Bourbon and Cokes at a time. :slap:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> Sorry didn't know you were allergic to cats.


You sir, are one hilarious guy. I saw that photo and just about died laughing and now you post this. Well played. 
If you aren't a comedy writer, you should be. Or at least a comedy coach to teach up and comers about "delivery".

and :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: for the ninja cat that almost took me out.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> I guess it is that body agenda thing. It is easier to repopulate the world two at a time.
> 
> Then again I get in trouble with two at a time of anything. A few weeks ago on a business trip I got into ordering two Bourbon and Cokes at a time. :slap:


Err, I don't think guys are thinking "let's repopulate". Not sure though. Always found it interesting that "straight" porn has two women in it and oftentimes no guy whatsoever but a video that has two dudes in it and no woman is "gay". Very much a double standard there.

About the getting in trouble on the business trip, your trouble started my friend when you added Coke to Bourbon. Turn in "the card" and I'll hand you an umbrella and some fruit on a stick for your drink.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Always found it interesting that "straight" porn has two women in it and oftentimes no guy whatsoever but a video that has two dudes in it and no woman is "gay". Very much a double standard there.


My wife and I had equal and opposite reactions when watching "Black Swan" vs. "Kiss of the Spider Woman"


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> My wife and I had equal and opposite reactions when watching "Black Swan" vs. "Kiss of the Spider Woman"


Does it have anything to do with hoping it would turn on a guy? I can't imagine watching would be anything special.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Err, I don't think guys are thinking "let's repopulate". Not sure though. Always found it interesting that "straight" porn has two women in it and oftentimes no guy whatsoever but a video that has two dudes in it and no woman is "gay". Very much a double standard there.


Pure coincidence. Most of us guys only judge movies based upon the artistic merit. Every movie that I've ever seen with two women and one man was nothing more than a side note within an incredibly artistic movie. Such dramatic quality that a few chance scenes deserve the slo-mo button until the women are finished ...err the scene is complete.

Reminds me of a recent video on the Onion's smart phone app, where a FCC representative was arguing that full nidity by this one actress he admired was acceptable, but every other instance would result in fines.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Does it have anything to do with hoping it would turn on a guy? I can't imagine watching would be anything special.


Chauncey Gardiner didn't seem to care either way!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Halien said:


> Pure coincidence. Most of us guys only judge movies based upon the artistic merit. Every movie that I've ever seen with two women and one man was nothing more than a side note within an incredibly artistic movie. Such dramatic quality that a few chance scenes deserve the slo-mo button until the women are finished ...err the scene is complete.
> 
> Reminds me of a recent video on the Onion's smart phone app, where a FCC representative was arguing that full nidity by this one actress he admired was acceptable, but every other instance would result in fines.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Oh God, between Amp and you, somebody needs to pay my health insurance premium. I'm near death over here.

You make it sound like a Federico Fellini film when the reality is it is a poorly dressed "non-UPS" driver wearing brown who is there to deliver a package to two women who just happen to be sitting around in nothing but stillettos and playing with their hair.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> You make it sound like a Federico Fellini film when the reality is it is a poorly dressed "non-UPS" driver wearing brown who is there to deliver a package to two women who just happen to be sitting around in nothing but stillettos and playing with their hair.


Or a pizza delivery man, or the nerd next door, or plumber, or door-to-door salesman, or the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. Come on, we like a little variety.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> Or a pizza delivery man, or the nerd next door, or plumber, or door-to-door salesman, or the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. Come on, we like a little variety.


All in the name of "artistic merit". 
If Halien isn't in marketing, he really needs to be. I half believed him and had to read it twice he was so convincing. 

:rofl::rofl:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Err, I don't think guys are thinking "let's repopulate". Not sure though. Always found it interesting that "straight" porn has two women in it and oftentimes no guy whatsoever but a video that has two dudes in it and no woman is "gay". Very much a double standard there.
> 
> About the getting in trouble on the business trip, your trouble started my friend when you added Coke to Bourbon. Turn in "the card" and I'll hand you an umbrella and some fruit on a stick for your drink.


I like Bourbon and Coke! So i drink it. I suppose if you were there we would have all been doing Jello Shots. 

Anyway, drinking at that sweet Coke made me drunker than I had been this millenium. Not something I would normally do. Usually just get a nice buzz and ride it.

What is this trhead again?

I don't know why a woman would get married these days unless you buy into hypergamy. I suppose it is good to have a hubby who is home cooking and taking care of the kids while one is out partying with the Alpha guys. With all the cheating that seems to go on it can't be for faithful monogamy.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> I like Bourbon and Coke! So i drink it. I suppose if you were there we would have all been doing Jello Shots.
> 
> Anyway, drinking at that sweet Coke made me drunker than I had been this millenium. Not something I would normally do. Usually just get a nice buzz and ride it.
> 
> ...


Jello shots? No, that's too fancy for me. Cold Duck. Bourbon should be on the rocks and that's it. 
Finally, somebody got back to the thread! Isn't hypergamy about marrying "up"? Why would somebody "up" stay at home when the "down" goes out and parties? Wouldn't it be the other way around?
Also, you are perilously close to getting back to the whole GNO leads to cheating and dancing with a group of women leads to sex aren't you?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Amplexor said:


> Chauncey Gardiner didn't seem to care either way!


He likes to watch


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Entropy3000 said:


> He likes to watch


I wondered who was going to grab that first.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Sorry, no clue who that is? I am sure I will regret asking too.

**Just read on IMDB and still not getting the reference. The movie sounds great though. I was 8 apparently when this came out so forgive me if I fail to understand what you two were referring to**


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

The reference was pretty remote if you haven't seen it. E3K obviously has a very sophisticated theater palette. A quirky little film called "Being There" with Peter Sellers. Catch it some time.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> The reference was pretty remote if you haven't seen it. E3K obviously has a very sophisticated theater palette. A quirky little film called "Being There" with Peter Sellers. Catch it some time.


I just edited my post. Saw that it was a character in a movie. I was 8 when this movie came out so I get a pass.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Jello shots? No, that's too fancy for me. Cold Duck. *Bourbon should be on the rocks and that's it. *
> Finally, somebody got back to the thread! Isn't hypergamy about marrying "up"? Why would somebody "up" stay at home when the "down" goes out and parties? Wouldn't it be the other way around?
> *Also, you are perilously close to getting back to the whole GNO leads to cheating and dancing with a group of women leads to sex aren't you? *


A woman who knows the proper way to drink Bourbon. Cool.

----

I think hypergamy is used in different ways. Some see it as marrying, gaining assets in the marriage and then marrying up from there. Gathering wealth along the way. I would think this would work better in societies where there is inequality between the sexes. Now that women are on completely equal ground, I see this as less important. So economically marriage is less important to a woman than it was.

From the body agenda perspective women are free to seek out the fittest male they can at a given time. Easier when not married I would think, but hard to tell that by this forum sometimes.

Not a requirement but it may be more convenient for women to raise children with a husband. At some point the husband could become excess baggage. This happens now.

I do think you pose an interesting question. I will go back through the thread and read the opinions I missed. 

----

I knew you would go for the GNO persepctive. 

All kidding aside, I don't believe in the drunk excuse. But I am saying I had too much to drink and that is not smart. At these kind of things the women do usually come sit with me. Make of that what you would like. I guess they think I am safe because I drink Bourbon and Coke. Pre-selection applies here as well. I think my role is to be the c0ckblocker. I am a technical AMOG type. There is another. When we get together we pretty much hold court.

Anyway I am going to give you what you want on the party / GNO topic. Your double standard. And I am not even going to defend myself. How is that for being submissive? Here goes. I think if the roles were switched ... My wife on a distant business trip out in the evening surrounded by a bunch of guys drinking, I would be uneasy about it. Yes I trust her more than anyone else in the world. I am old school and see women as a bit more vulnerable here. I don't trust the guys. That said, in no way do I think my wife trusts the women either. Now dancing is another thing. That would cross a defined boundary for us. It would be playing just the tip for me.

Also for what it is worth, it is the women who are the most outrageous and flirty at these things. They are having a blast at letting down their hair and competeing with one another for the least little attention.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Really? Pink? That's pretty f^cking gay.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Amplexor said:


> I wondered who was going to grab that first.


I was just Being There for you


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

A woman is only ever going to ask the question:

"Why would a woman get married?"

If she has already been through the trauma of a failed or failing LTR, or marriage itself.

We all have ideas of what marriage is supposed to be. Those ideas are generally sacred, pristine, positive and uplifting. Even more easily buoyed up if one is in love.

You don't see how the sausage gets made until you are in the kitchen.

Had my heart broken six months before I was to be married at 30. Met someone else. Fell in love with her had all of those same ideals, even though they were tempered with the reality of disappointment that life sometimes tests you with.

I wanted to be married ... to her.
She wanted to be married ... to me. 

No one was going to convince us, no one could convince us that we were just like everyone else. Nothing special. Nope. You just don't see it that way. We were going to make it. We were grown ups, not wide-eyed kids. It always will look and feel special ... mostly because that's how it's supposed to work.

We were full of the reason that anyone gets married, men or women.

We were full of 'Hope'. 

Hope is why a woman would get married. 

It is the thing that will ultimately drive anyone into matrimony.

And you should never, ever lose it. Even it means finding someone new to share it with.

That's why.

The practical doesn't matter. How you communicate or not doesn't matter. How much you have sex doesn't matter. How much money you make doesn't matter. Hope makes them not matter. Take hope out of the equation, and you start asking questions like:

"Why should anyone get married?"


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## TenderLove&Care (Aug 27, 2011)

Marriage is just a piece of paper.

If your love is strong and pure enough it would work either way with out being a status.


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