# Went from thinking maybe we could recover to knowing we're done :(



## StartingAgain (Jun 29, 2011)

The last week or so has been very confusing for me. The STBXH and I have stopped railing into each other in emails, instead speaking like respectful adults. For the first time since I told him I wanted a divorce in March, I felt like maybe, just maybe change really could happen and there was a possible future for us once we worked out all the issues between us.

On Sunday, he invited me to see a movie with him and the girls. I tagged along, and it was very amicable. He even reached out and took my hand on the way back to the car and I didn't feel any need to pull away.

Unfortunately, things went downhill from there. For the last 5-6 weeks, the STBXH has been telling me he's been packing things of mine I forgot when I moved out (carefully and with much respect). He refused to give me any indication of what it was or when I could have the items, instead saying that this was his last act of honoring me, by treating my belongings with care and respect and delivering them safely to me, all at once. He assured me that this was stuff that he felt I would want, not just junk. How true his intentions were unfortunately was tarnished when he published a photo on Facebook of the boxes stacked in the garage and the discussion turned to bonfires, dumpsters and delivering it to Good Will.

When we got home from the movie, we agreed that it was probably time for me to take the boxes and he helped me load it up. There were _40_ of them! This was a tense time, I recognize and we had a few heated words as we loaded the car, but eventually I made it back to my house with and began to unload.

Of course, I had to open everyone to see what all this stuff was.

40 boxes of junk. Many of which came from his "man cave" that he refused to organize or clean for 15 years. 2 copies of Windows 95, a computer power supply, 3 old video cards. An unopened box of Easter Peeps, these are just a few of the items I came across. An empty cordless phone box, a bag of tangled phone cables. 

I sorted through 40 boxes and the only real thing of value I found, my college diploma. 

So now I have to take a trip to the dump, which is fine. But I'm so very burned by the "loving gesture" he did for me, I see no point at all in trying anymore to try and walk a path of reconciliation.

This turned into his final gesture to remind me of the reason I left.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

Was he being vindictive or just trying to get rid of some junk? Maybe a little of both. Divorce has its way of changing many people. It often has a way of bringing out the worst in people especially in regards to selfishness. I am sorry you had to go through with this. Don't let the little things he does affect you because then he "wins." If he is trying to make you mad by doing or saying things, and then you get mad, then he has accomplished what he was hoping for.


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

My ex did this to me as well. kept texting and emailing about a bag of belongings that he needed to bring round, when he did it was a bag of stuff that had just been in a drawer in the kitchen - a spare cat collar bell, some old prizes from christmas crackers that kind of thing.

He did it again in February when he put an envelope through my door which had a pen in and a picture of a child I had never seen before. It just shows me the man I married has gone...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I guess I should take my donation boxes, to Goodwill or thrift store or the giveaway table at one of the local transfer stations (formerly known as dumps), and not leave them in the garage for him to dispose of. My children happily decluttered when they discovered we were going to move. 

Sigh.

Sorry about the 40 boxes of junk. 
That is weird. 

I once loaded up a guy's car with all of his stuff including food I'd bought on his behalf. I put a DVD copy of "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk" on his dash and had it towed to his brother's house where he was staying. I wish I'd kept that DVD, it might have prevented marriage to current H.

Guess I should get another copy.


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## StartingAgain (Jun 29, 2011)

I started my day thinking I was going to go with a no contact rule, but I broke it before long. Sent him an email saying that I didn't really understand some of the stuff he sent, but I understood he was doing it for him, not me and I was just going to be ok with it.

Basically, he wanted to give me anything that was mine or he associated with me so that I could make the decision to toss it or not. 

We went round and round some more all day long. Sometimes ok, sometimes biting at each other. Sigh.

Got home tonight, and there were 8 more boxes on my doorstep. But, he did make a concession and bring 2 small items that I had been asking for. 

When I called to say goodnight to the girls, I asked to speak to him and I could here him sarcastically say 'Oh Great' to my youngest. His level of maturity astounds me some time.

I was quick, just thanked him for bringing over the rest of the stuff and said good night.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

StartingAgain said:


> I was quick, just thanked him for bringing over the rest of the stuff and said good night.


Way to be civil and respectful. Just because someone disrepects you, doesn't mean you have to stoop to their level and disrespect them. Good job!


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