# Help with continuing investigation...



## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

As my past posts have alluded to my W potentially having an affair last year, I have noticed a recent flag that I need you help in deciphering.

Recap
W stays in bed all the time, does not help with kids or chores. When she wants to spend money, everything is fine health wise, but rest of the time she does nothing. No affection...the usual 

After exhaustively investigating since last year (phone records, key logger, cell phone, etc) I have bits and pieces but nothing that screams loud and clear. Recently , I sent a fake anonymous text to her phone and it pretends to be a friend of mine thinking they sent me a warning (accidentally sending it to her number). The message had a guys first name in it and simply said that I should investigate her and this dude further. Sneaky right? She showed it to me and was quick to say nothing happened like that. He was only respectful to her. The next day she told me she was mad that someone would send this and add to problems we already have (basically I told her I was tired of doing everything and I was not happy at all anymore).

The next day...she does a 180 and is up now all the time, gets kids from school, fixes dinners, helps with chores. This change was extreme and immediate and has continued for over two weeks now. To me this a big red flag...changing like that on the day after a warning text.

What are your thoughts?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think if you truly have been exhaustively searching for an year and still have nothing then your wife isn't having an affair.

You're headed to the dark side my friend.

Lack of trust and unfounded suspicion can make you crazy.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Tough one because you also told her you were tired of doing it all

Could be she was worried about losing her meal ticket

I'd just keep monitoring for now


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## WTHISTHIS? (Dec 26, 2012)

Many of the behaviors last year showed something happened, I just don't know what. She even accussed me in Nov of having an affair. So I thought I would do the text thing to see how it would cause her to act...then boom, she changes to a different person.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

WTHISTHIS? said:


> Many of the behaviors last year showed something happened, I just don't know what. She even accussed me in Nov of having an affair. So I thought I would do the text thing to see how it would cause her to act...then boom, she changes to a different person.


What she possibly did back in november is called projecting. She may have been cheating then but projecting it on you to relieve/justify the guilt.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

How about putting a VAR in her car and 1 in the house.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

I doubt you or any spouse wants to play parole officer for the rest of their life. Stop spying for a while and really find yourself in tune with your wife. If you FEEL that she is distant, wayward, then start investigating again. You've been doing so thus far and found no HARD concrete evidence so I would say to stop and give yourself a break, for a while at least. You do not want to become a paranoid, cheating fearing obsessed freak.

If ever in the near future you still have an itch than pay attention. Most spouses KNOW their wayward has changed but choose to ignore. Make sure you can tell the difference. Sometimes spouses settle in and don't do things for a while until they get a little nudge from their loved ones to start moving again.

In the meantime, spend more time with her and as always no GNO, sleep overs etc etc etc


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

This behavior is in itself not a slam dunk, but is something to watch. It could be that she is deeply depressed and needs that shopping to pick up her spirits. The sneak text is interesting. Why would she hop to it after that. Like most have said if you feel something in your gut, then you need to discount the paranoia and turn it into solid facts, which support your gut.

You know your spouse, we don't. If something doesn't add up with current behavior, then you have questions that need to be answered. There are ways of finding these things out by well placed questions that could possibly expose her. If you have those questions like myself, the evidence thread has a lot of solid information, that you can chose from based on your finances or time critical.

IMHO, I wouldn't just sit back and do nothing. If you are thinking that things don't add up, then you need to make those connections to where they do. You will lose sleep and the possible mind movies can turn you into something you don't recognize in the mirror. That happened with me. 

Due diligence is needed, keep a low profile and do your "underground" work. If you find nothing then you can put all this to rest and focus on your marriage and make it the best you can. Good Luck.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You problem is not an affair.

It's tolerating a wife who stays in bed all day and shows no affection.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Hicks said:


> You problem is not an affair.
> 
> It's tolerating a wife who stays in bed all day and shows no affection.



I was thinking the same thing. Not all marital problems have to stem from some third party.


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