# Bad/Ugly Temper Unfeminine?



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

I understand if this comes off as sexist but I was curious to get your feedback on this particular topic. 

Do you believe that a bad/nasty temper can cause a man to view his wife as lacking in femininity therefore losing that "chemistry" or attraction? 

The reason I post this is I just realized that even though I still find my wife physically pleasing and attractive, when she opens her mouth I start to picture an angry bitter Rachael Maddow or Rosie O'donnell. Now that i'm older its not all about boobs and butt anymore (although nice) but the whole package. You could say I grew up and no longer so shallow. Thoughts? Discuss.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Sanity said:


> I understand if this comes off as sexist but I was curious to get your feedback on this particular topic.
> 
> Do you believe that a bad/nasty temper can cause a man to view his wife as lacking in femininity therefore losing that "chemistry" or attraction?
> 
> The reason I post this is I just realized that even though I still find my wife physically pleasing and attractive, when she opens her mouth I start to picture an angry bitter Rachael Maddow or Rosie O'donnell. Now that i'm older its not all about boobs and butt anymore (although nice) but the whole package. You could say I grew up and no longer so shallow. Thoughts? Discuss.


 Rachel maddow, Rosie? ickth!!!!! I hope she dont look like them! 
Personally I like when women get *****y and angry it usually meas they need some richard. 

I would be happy with any kind of attention from my wife but all she talks about is her job:sleeping:


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

Sanity said:


> I understand if this comes off as sexist but I was curious to get your feedback on this particular topic.
> 
> Do you believe that a bad/nasty temper can cause a man to view his wife as lacking in femininity therefore losing that "chemistry" or attraction?
> 
> The reason I post this is I just realized that even though I still find my wife physically pleasing and attractive, when she opens her mouth I start to picture an angry bitter Rachael Maddow or Rosie O'donnell. Now that i'm older its not all about boobs and butt anymore (although nice) but the whole package. You could say I grew up and no longer so shallow. Thoughts? Discuss.


Could you give some examples of her nasty bad temper? That could mean different things to different people. Is she swearing at you? Throwing things? Screaming and yelling? Is she getting angry over things that aren't worth the effort of getting angry over? Or does she have reason to be angry? On the other hand some people will accuse their spouse of being angry and hard to get along with just because the spouse doesn't take their crap and stands up for their self.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

franklinfx said:


> Rachel maddow, Rosie? ickth!!!!! I hope she dont look like them!
> Personally I like when women get *****y and angry it usually meas they need some richard.
> 
> I would be happy with any kind of attention from my wife but all she talks about is her job:sleeping:


Wow. One person to add to the list of people I don't envy.

To answer the op's question:

IMO, yes, the whole package is important to maintain attraction.
In my experience, both women and men who habitually lose their temper become less attractive.
When someone is a loose cannon who frequently needs to be "handled" till the waves pass, it becomes a tedious turn-off...not to mention fosters resentment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

franklinfx said:


> Personally I like when women get *****y and angry it usually meas they need some richard.


Ha Ha I have to personally laugh at this because I was bit**y for many years over stupid little things (basically nothing really). Looking back, I really feel this was MY problem all along, I just didn't have any clue. 

And because I was like this more than I should have been, it kinda killed the husband's mood when he came home from work on too many occasions. I was messing it all up, he really wasn't doing anything wrong, it was all ME. 

I think where he failed is he should have wrestled me down to the ground & spanked me, cause I had no reason to be so out of sorts over virtually nothing, our life was good. 

Why do you feel your wife is so angry? What have you done to alleviate some of her frustrations? 

Are you missing her love languages ? Does she want more Time with you, more verbal affirmation (I know hard if she is bit**ing all the time), Physical touch, Acts of Service, Gifts, financial issues, children issues ?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Unfeminine? Just unhuman.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Not unfeminine. Just unattractive. Like those girls you remember from high school who were really popular and really pretty, but in actuality not even their friends liked them very much. I've been around some women I was very attracted to physically but soon disliked because they were so unpleasant to be around.

But it's not a female thing. It goes both ways.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Unfeminine? Just unhuman.


True. My ex was angry all the time. It sucked.

I can sometimes be really sad because I am so far from my fiance, but I don't think I'm nasty or angry.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Sanity said:


> Do you believe that a bad/nasty temper can cause a man to view his wife as lacking in femininity therefore losing that "chemistry" or attraction?


when i was trying to overcome my temper i picked up a workbook directed towards women. One of the first things the book said was that there is a strong stereotype that a women shouldnt get angry because its unfeminine. That thought had never crossed my mind, but then i grew up playing sports so following the feminine stereotype was never on my agenda. I have always thought I should act how I felt and if i was pissed at my H then he was going to know it. 

Maybe anger is unfeminine, maybe its not, but anger in anyone is ugly and unattractive. Its unhealthy, its a sign of pain, and it shows poor coping mechanisms. Male or female anger is destructive to themselves, those around them, and any relationships they have.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think where he failed is he should have wrestled me down to the ground & spanked me, cause I had no reason to be so out of sorts over virtually nothing, our life was good.


Now IMO we can agree that this would fix a lot of problems in some marriages. :smthumbup: If i was being a pain in the butt for no reason, I hope my fiance wouldn't let me walk all over him, and the above suggestion sounds even better to me.


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## littlebear (Apr 9, 2011)

You said your wife does not seem as feminine when she opens her mouth yet you compare her to two women that are gay and say they are loud mouths. That is sexist!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Cussing like a sailor and giving folks the finger probably isn't the most ladylike thing a woman could do, but I doubt it would kill most male libidos. Disrespecting her man sure would. If she's targeting her husband with her hostility, that's disrespectful and love doesn't exist without respect. (Ok, maybe there are a few folks into S&M, but the rest of us don't get horny over being yelled at and called names).


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

Have you discussed this with her? Is her negativity a growing thing, a newer thing? Or has she always been somewhat aggressive? I can speak as a woman who's very opinionated myself, I'm still not mean (or if it comes to a topic I'm passionate about like politics I leave the arguments to the internet , so that's unnecessary to having a viewpoint on something. Maybe she feels repressed or dissatisfied. I'm wondering if you've had a discussion with her about it and what her response was if so.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think my H used to provoke me.
What would happen is he would do or say something crazy making. I would respond by talking calmly to him about my feelings.
He would do something to up the ante, such as saying I could take it or leave it, I was insecure, he was going to go sleep at work or move back into his friends' house...etc. He would accuse me of not loving him, etc. Having a boyfriend. Anything to provoke me. Then when I became angry and upset he would use it as justification to have the affair with his married ex-girlfriend. He would tell her about how 'difficult' I was and to earn her sympathy. Really sick. I don't feed into this any more. Instead, I go to places where I know that people act normally towards me. I can recognize this behavior in him and I know it is pathological. 

Don't throw stones at a b*tchy woman's behavior without examining your own first. 

Obviously, I allowed myself to be provoked.
But when I went for exam at the hospital following my anaphylaxis, the psychiatrist did not seem particularly alarmed by my description of having thrown glasses in an empty room to smash them when I felt angry after being 'disenfranchised' by my husband. To be clear, once before I realized what was going on, and was provoked by him in one of these sitautions (he wanted to go on a climbing day with a woman he used to be intimately involved with - had two relationships with her actually not just one so there was this on again off again thing with her in terms of history, and chance of it being on-again, we were living together but not married or even engaged at the time, but clearly in a committed relationship - he started in with other stuff and I even asked him to take me to a pscyh hospital because I was so unseated, and he refused and said he would not let me go either. I was told later this was medical neglect. 

Whatever, when I did not behave in a way that he could use to justify his cheating on me, he felt the need to create the situation. 

The more I think about this, the more troubling it is to me. He has been away for a year. I am not really sure someone with such deep-seated issues can change.

Normally I am a very quiet person. I give others the benefit of the doubt. I don't expect perfection. It is when I have felt particularly trapped and stuck and with someone who creates a dichotomous situation where there is a huge schism between what I am told is reality and what is true, and I am backed into a corner, then I get upset. It takes quite a lot for me to lash out at someone personally. It wasn't until my husband violated my physical boundaries and put me at risk of being pregnant without my consent that I became absolutely enraged. 

I really think I should leave this relationship.
Am I stupid to stay with someone who pushes my buttons so badly so that he can continue to ignore his own issues and justify when he strays?


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

For some time my OH has been saying my temper is as bad as or worse than his - something it's taken me a while to even concede might be possible. Then one day I was trying to explain how skewed his perceptions sometimes are and he admitted never previously understanding that what he saw as temper from me was simply me venting frustration at situations I seemed unable to alter/control/deal with. Maybe that says something about me and control, but it also means I'm maybe not throwing hissy fits as much as venting when I become totally frustrated and despondent.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

The William Shakespeare "Taming of the Shrew" has been repeated a lot in literature.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> But when I went for exam at the hospital following my anaphylaxis, the psychiatrist did not seem particularly alarmed by my description of having thrown glasses in an empty room to smash them when I felt angry after being 'disenfranchised' by my husband.


Okay Nellie Olson.

The reason your psychiatrist didn't say anything is becuase they have seen and heard it all and sometimes as a doc, you just don't say anything to a certain patient where you know it's not going to get through.

Throwing glasses around the room is not stable behavior.

I'm sure Nellie Olson felt "disenfranchised" when Harriet and Nells didn't buy her a new pony. That doesn't mean you kick and scream and throw things in life.

Later on down the _The Little House_ series though, Nellie did meet a good man who "Tamed" the shrew.

A lot of women are shrews waiting to be tamed. IT's just that we, as men, are hamstrung by the law preventing us from spanking you and locking in your room.

My attorney has advised me this constitutes assault. 

Years past, this was normal husband-wife relations.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> Okay Nellie Olson.
> 
> The reason your psychiatrist didn't say anything is becuase they have seen and heard it all and sometimes as a doc, you just don't say anything to a certain patient where you know it's not going to get through.
> 
> ...


Oh, my - I haven't thought of Nellie Olson for years! I used to love to hate her guts, especially since I had my own Nellie Olson in real life!

As far as the spanking and locking in a room - I think a smart, mature man would actually be able to find a way to control a shrew by methods other than physical assault. It might not be as fun for him, but there are ways.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

It's my opinion that "shrewness" is essentially a byproduct of women being spoiled.

How many fathers spoil their little girls? I'm going to guess 60-80%.

How many women here would admit they were spoiled? I'm going to guess 10-20%. Actually, I think that's generous. 

In fact, I am going to guess a lot of women would post how they aren't spoiled and never were and yet, if their husbands were sitting beside them on the computer, they would be saying, "Yes dear. . .and you should wear leather too."

Women have a very hard time admitting that our culture tends to spoil them. I recall of an episode of Friends when Ross siad that Rachel was a little bit spoiled and it wasn't meant for her ears. She couldn't handle it (the truth) and broke up with him.

Not exactly literature. . .but they were a group of clever writers to feel like such a small admission could definitely cause a break-up.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yeah, a lot of women who grew up on Little House loved to hate the villian of Nellie Olson.

That was Michael Landon's genius.

I kind of "collect" villians.

Good villian.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> It's my opinion that "shrewness" is essentially a byproduct of women being spoiled.
> 
> How many fathers spoil their little girls? I'm going to guess 60-80%.
> 
> ...


Too true! What used to be called a "shrew" we would call a "drama queen" now. As they say, "spare the rod and spoil the child". Darn - there's that physical violence again!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

*As far as the spanking and locking in a room - I think a smart, mature man would actually be able to find a way to control a shrew by other methods than physical assault. It might not be as fun for him, but there are ways. 
*

LOL. . .I see you disagreeing with the methods, but not disagreeing with the principle that women need to be tamed.

Again, Shakespeare was a genius.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

YouTube - ‪Never hit a woman‬‏

As usual Chris Rock hits upon this. . .


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> *As far as the spanking and locking in a room - I think a smart, mature man would actually be able to find a way to control a shrew by other methods than physical assault. It might not be as fun for him, but there are ways.
> *
> 
> LOL. . .I see you disagreeing with the methods, but not disagreeing with the principle that women need to be tamed.
> ...


Well, you know - it takes QUITE a man to want to take on a shrew.

If they can survive not killing each other, the end result can be quite satisfactory. 

And, ironically, some of us (both men and women I think) are quite tame enough and likely need our chains yanked a bit too - in a good way of course.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Why Nellie was such a good villian:

A good villian, from writers, causes us to hate them, to despise what we have in ourselves.

Nellie Olson (and Laura Ingalls Wildler wrote this from a little girl's perspective), you loved to hate, becuase she couild be a "shrew" and get away with it, without repercussions from her parents. Every woman knows they have acted like a shrew, maybe even is a shrew, but hated seeing also that that character was the "villian" in the heroine's eys.

Yes, women need to have repercussions when they act like shrews I have come to learn.

It's up to men to be judge, jury and executioner, complete with whips, chains, and all that, LOL 

LOL. . .anyway to answer the question - according to Shakespeare, it can only be attractive as the man who is capable of taming the temper.

In the case of movies, Richard Burton found Elizabeth Taylor attractive after he tamed her in Hollywoods version of the Shakespeare classic.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

And yes, ladies, if you yourself are a shrew, I welcome you to my place for "therapy."

I'll be sipping a brandy, waiting. . . ready to corner you in debate, yell louder than you can scream, scare you, lock you in your room, and to finally. . . break you of your shrewness.

Rather than any woman being banned from this forum in the future, I personally think they should just be required a few days with me.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There is a word which can be used to either describe someone who has a nasty temper or someone who is female. I'd say it has become a classic female identifying feature.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Scannerguard said:


> Yes, women need to have repercussions when they act like shrews I have come to learn.
> 
> It's up to men to be judge, jury and executioner, complete with whips, chains, and all that, LOL


Scanner ~

I hope that you see that it goes the other way as well. Substitute "men" for "women" and vice versa in your quote above (and maybe "jerk" or "d!ck" for "shrew"). 

Honestly, I think it is unbecoming of either sex to have an explosive temper.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Syrum said:


> True. My ex was angry all the time. It sucked.
> 
> I can sometimes be really sad because I am so far from my fiance, but I don't think I'm nasty or angry.


I don't think overt expressions of violent anger is something women are programmed to do. Gangbanger girls, sure. But otherwise women are programmed for a long war of emotional and psychological torture. Being mad implies getting over it. Women don't 'get over it'. It just goes underground and gets darker and dirtier. 

My wife will never get an ulcer. She's a carrier.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

My subconscious picked up on another woman's smell on my husband. A carnal smell.

It was well after the glass throwing that I discovered he'd been cheating and lying and accusing me of it and not believing me when I told him I hadn't been. I then asked to be taken to a psych intake because I felt that something was terribly wrong with me. Up didn't seem like up and down didn't seem like down. I doubted myself. My husband seemed so sincere in his version of the truth, and he was settling in nicely after making an argument about pizza ordering and delivery and wanting to sit down and watch a man movie that was violent rather then discuss my fears with him. Take someone's reality away systematically and trap them at home economically and with children and see how long they can go without blowing. I don't blow at people, I blow at objects. It's saner.

FWIW I was in therapy for a year and the bottom line was no psychosis, only sanity. Scanner you can take it or leave it. I am taking it and leaving my husband.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

franklinfx said:


> Rachel maddow, Rosie? ickth!!!!! I hope she dont look like them!
> Personally I like when women get *****y and angry it usually meas they need some richard.
> 
> I would be happy with any kind of attention from my wife but all she talks about is her job:sleeping:


That would explain why, when I was angry and bitc&ing and throwing stuff in the bedroom that one time (not angry at hubby...but at someone at work) while I was getting changed, he got all turned on? I thought that was rather odd...


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