# I added an old crush on Facebook even if I’m in a committed relationship. Now I regret it. How can I fix this?



## Crybaby87 (10 mo ago)

Hi. This is long but thanks for reading.
I’m not married but my boyfriend and I live together like a husband and wife. Previous to meeting my boyfriend, I was married to someone else but got divorced. 
While being married, me and my ex husband used to be friends with a man. Let’s call him Sam. Well, Sam was also married and him and I became good friends. We never crossed any boundaries and respected our spouses but I felt really comfortable with him because we just clicked well. I had a chemistry with him that I’ve never felt with any other man, not even my ex husband. With time, I developed a secret crush on him but I always knew he was off limits. 

Long story short, my ex husband ended up divorcing due to financial and sex problems. I lost contact with a lot of people, including Sam. Then I met my current boyfriend who was perfect. He treated me like a queen and I only had eyes for him and thought I found “the one”. Well, that only lasted a while because my boyfriend is now emotionally abusive and has many anger problems. He gets upset easily over small things. He even deleted me from Facebook over something stupid and never added me again. So it’s been a year that my boyfriend and I are not Facebook friends because he won’t add me.

I know Facebook is a waste of time but I use it to keep in touch with my family and friends who live overseas. Since I don’t feel appreciated in my relationship, I thought: “Even if Sam is married, I prefer to have him as a friend than to lose a friendship with a good man”. So I added him on Facebook after 3 years of not talking to him. He accepted the request and I felt happy. But now I feel so stupid and embarrassed. What was I thinking of? Him and I can’t even be friends because we’re both committed to someone else. I guess I wanted him as a shoulder to cry on. Wow far, we haven’t talked or anything but now I can’t stop thinking about him from the moment I added him. Whenever I go on Facebook, I want to know what he’s doing and I get depressed if I don’t see any posts from him. Adding him just made my life harder than what it is. Now I’m stressing and being sad over a man I can’t have. I realize my mistake and wish I could delete him from Facebook but that will look immature and childish on my part. He was a good friend. It’s not his fault that I was delusional and fell for him! 

What can I do now??? I am so confused. I have Sam in my mind while being with my boyfriend who continues to be abusive. Not always, sometimes he can be sweet but he has a very difficult personality. I wish I didn’t add Sam on Facebook. He can’t be my friend and he’s not the solution to my problems. How can I fix this mistake and not obsess over Sam? I’m a coward to break up with my boyfriend because I don’t want to start all over again. I hate going through the “dating phase” again. I just want stability in my life.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Crybaby87 said:


> Hi. This is long but thanks for reading.
> I’m not married but my boyfriend and I live together like a husband and wife. Previous to meeting my boyfriend, I was married to someone else but got divorced.
> While being married, me and my ex husband used to be friends with a man. Let’s call him Sam. Well, Sam was also married and him and I became good friends. We never crossed any boundaries and respected our spouses but I felt really comfortable with him because we just clicked well. I had a chemistry with him that I’ve never felt with any other man, not even my ex husband. With time, I developed a secret crush on him but I always knew he was off limits.
> 
> ...


Unless you want to pursue a relationship with Sam, you block him. 
It's that simple. 
However, if you do pursue a relationship with Sam, you have to end your current relationship and block him.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

jonty30 said:


> Unless you want to pursue a relationship with Sam, you block him.
> It's that simple.
> However, if you do pursue a relationship with Sam, you have to end your current relationship and block him.


Sam is married. He is not an option regardless of her relationship status.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Crybaby87 said:


> Hi. This is long but thanks for reading.
> I’m not married but my boyfriend and I live together like a husband and wife. Previous to meeting my boyfriend, I was married to someone else but got divorced.
> While being married, me and my ex husband used to be friends with a man. Let’s call him Sam. Well, Sam was also married and him and I became good friends. We never crossed any boundaries and respected our spouses but I felt really comfortable with him because we just clicked well. I had a chemistry with him that I’ve never felt with any other man, not even my ex husband. With time, I developed a secret crush on him but I always knew he was off limits.
> 
> ...


How do you fix this? You delete and block him. This is one of the few "mistakes" in life that has an undo button. It shouldn't matter what he thinks when you won't have any further contact with him. Refusing to delete him is just an excuse to keep that door cracked open.

If you are in an abusive relationship that makes you this miserable, you should end it. If you feel you cannot do that right now, look into therapy. It would be a huge help for you.


----------



## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Men and women cannot be friends. No good will ever come from it. People get "chemistry" just like you say. Delete him.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I suspect that you see Sam as a tethered line to the past and also to a time you saw him as a positive emotional bond, very much unlike you are currently experiencing with your current relationship. Even while he (Sam) is unattainable for various reasons, you are looking for him to emotionally rescue you from your current situation. What you really need to do is rescue yourself first, you need to look in yourself to tell your BF that this relationship is not okay and that you need to extricate yourself from him.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> Unless you want to pursue a relationship with Sam, you block him.
> It's that simple.
> However, if you do pursue a relationship with Sam, you have to end your current relationship and block him.


Tsk, tut, not quite.

Sam is married.

Sam also needs to become unencumbered, so said, divorced.

If our OP wishes to continue on with Sam, with him being married, she is wasting her life, soon, maybe his.

Our OP seems to enjoy the fantasy world more than what is reality.

Sigh, some in my world do the same.



_King Brian-_


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

You already know what to do, so hopefully we can give you the push you need to do it.

When affairs happen, people tend to say things like "Oh, it just happened," but no it didn't. They put themselves in positions like this, and they know it. Don't blow up Sam's life just because yours is a mess. Fix yours.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

"Sam" is someone you've idealized in your mind. The "Sam" you friended on Facebook probably doesn't exist. He's a Prince Charming. You could replace him with a celebrity and it would be just as meaningful, because at this point you're "remembering" someone you've turned into a white knight. 

What confuses me is why you're staying with an abusive boyfriend. He's not your husband, he's your boyfriend. I don't see anything about children involved. Why are you staying? That's the question you need to be asking, not what to do about imaginary Facebook boyfriend. Settling for "stability" is, as you say, very cowardly. This "Sam" person isn't the problem here; if you unfriend him on Facebook you'll still be thinking about "him" because he's your escape. The problem is you seem addicted to being a fairy tale princess, living in a fantasy waiting to be rescued from a tower, instead of taking the reins of your own life and fixing your real problems.


----------



## Trustless Marriage (Mar 1, 2021)

I think you know what you have to do but are desperately looking for some magical way out of this. Staying with your boyfriend just because you don't want to start over is just horrible logic. What you will end up doing is wasting more time when 10 years from now you finally come to your senses. Cut your losses now. As for the other Facebook dude - you sound like you still have feelings for him. Do him and yourself a favor and remove him as a Facebook friend immediately. After this, go seek counseling. You have a lot to fix. In the end I think you will be much happier. The ocean is full of fish - sometimes it takes time to catch one.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Is Sam _*STILL *married????

You said spoken _for so I’m just making sure…


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What you apparently wanted to do was monkey branch to Sam (if he cooperated) so you could dump your abusive boyfriend and have someone waiting in the wings. That way you wouldn’t have to search for a new relationship. However, Sam is married so he’s not appropriate to be your shoulder to cry on. Get rid of your boyfriend and take a long time getting to know the next one.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Crybaby87 said:


> I had a chemistry with him that I’ve never felt with any other man, not even my ex husband. With time, I developed a secret crush on him but I always knew he was off limits.


When you recognized those feelings you should have backed off from him as much as possible. He and you were both married. You can't always control who you develop a crush for, but you can control your actions. It wouldn't surprise me if your feelings for him contributed to the sex problems you mentioned as being a reason for your divroce.




Crybaby87 said:


> Long story short, my ex husband ended up divorcing due to financial and sex problems. I lost contact with a lot of people, including Sam. Then I met my current boyfriend who was perfect. He treated me like a queen and I only had eyes for him and thought I found “the one”. Well, that only lasted a while because my boyfriend is now emotionally abusive and has many anger problems. He gets upset easily over small things. He even deleted me from Facebook over something stupid and never added me again. So it’s been a year that my boyfriend and I are not Facebook friends because he won’t add me.


Why are you still with an abuser? Getting out of that situation should be a top priority.



Crybaby87 said:


> I realize my mistake and wish I could delete him from Facebook but that will look immature and childish on my part. He was a good friend. It’s not his fault that I was delusional and fell for him!


Who will see it as immature and childish beside you? He probably won't even notice since you haven't even been talking to him. He is a married man and is 100% off limits. If you really value you him as a true friend, then the most mature and adult thing you can do is cut ties with him completely.



Crybaby87 said:


> What can I do now??? I am so confused. I have Sam in my mind while being with my boyfriend who continues to be abusive. Not always, sometimes he can be sweet but he has a very difficult personality. I wish I didn’t add Sam on Facebook. He can’t be my friend and he’s not the solution to my problems. How can I fix this mistake and not obsess over Sam? I’m a coward to break up with my boyfriend because I don’t want to start all over again. I hate going through the “dating phase” again. I just want stability in my life.


This may not be easy, but it isn't confusing. Cut ties with Sam completely. He isn't your "one", he is someone else's "one". Does being with an abusive person really fit what you would call a stabile life? You know you can live life without a boyfriend. Maybe you should learn to live with yourself for a little while, so that you aren't so scared that you can't remove yourself from an abusive relationship.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Crybaby87 said:


> Hi. This is long but thanks for reading.
> I’m not married but my boyfriend and I live together like a husband and wife. Previous to meeting my boyfriend, I was married to someone else but got divorced.
> While being married, me and my ex husband used to be friends with a man. Let’s call him Sam. Well, Sam was also married and him and I became good friends. We never crossed any boundaries and respected our spouses but I felt really comfortable with him because we just clicked well. I had a chemistry with him that I’ve never felt with any other man, not even my ex husband. With time, I developed a secret crush on him but I always knew he was off limits.
> 
> ...


Just unfriend him. If you don't then hell just hook up and see what happens. Got to pick a direction to get off the fence.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> "Sam" is someone you've idealized in your mind. The "Sam" you friended on Facebook probably doesn't exist. He's a Prince Charming. You could replace him with a celebrity and it would be just as meaningful, because at this point you're "remembering" someone you've turned into a white knight.
> 
> What confuses me is why you're staying with an abusive boyfriend. He's not your husband, he's your boyfriend. I don't see anything about children involved. Why are you staying? That's the question you need to be asking, not what to do about imaginary Facebook boyfriend. Settling for "stability" is, as you say, very cowardly. This "Sam" person isn't the problem here; if you unfriend him on Facebook you'll still be thinking about "him" because he's your escape. The problem is you seem addicted to being a fairy tale princess, living in a fantasy waiting to be rescued from a tower, instead of taking the reins of your own life and fixing your real problems.


I was going to say the exact same thing. Op, you are asking the wrong question. You should be asking why am I staying with a man who abuses me and how can I leave. You aren't even married, you don't seem to have children you have nothing keeping you there. Please just pack up and go.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

First, your current relationship doesn't sound like a keeper. Second, maybe deep down you know that and were fishing mentally for someone else. Sam is not the answer, he's committed.

It is time to break it off with your current bf and go back on the single scene.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Crybaby87 said:


> What can I do now??? I am so confused. I have Sam in my mind while being with my boyfriend who continues to be abusive. Not always, sometimes he can be sweet but he has a very difficult personality. I wish I didn’t add Sam on Facebook. He can’t be my friend and he’s not the solution to my problems. How can I fix this mistake and not obsess over Sam? I’m a coward to break up with my boyfriend because I don’t want to start all over again. I hate going through the “dating phase” again. I just want stability in my life.


1. Block Sam on Facebook.
2. Leave the abusive boyfriend
3. Work on yourself. This may include therapy for the abuse you've endured. 

Is Sam simply a distraction to what's going in your life? Meaning if everything in your life was better, Sam would not even be a thought in your mind, nevermind "obsessing" over him.

Also, do you not think Sam knows what he's doing? Meaning he's a married man, he more than likely knows you obsess over him, so for his own ego (or whatever), he keeps in touch with you? Does that sound like a great guy?

I left an abusive marriage (it was physically abusive). After I was out of that marriage (it's a long story, but I posted a post about it here if you're curious), I worked on myself. I went to therapy and it really helped me. 

I focused on rebuilding my life. When I left the abusive marriage, I lost everything, my house, all my belongings, I eventually returnd my car to the dealership -- all I had left was what I could fit into a suitcase. I also lost my family's support (my dad, siblings and my mother to an extent) due to cultural reasons (for lack of a better word).

I didn't date during this time. Dating probably would've been a distraction, but I didn't need a distraction because I knew I couldn't/shouldn't be distracted from my reality, and I kept my eye on the prize -- getting to a good place. 

Years later I met my second husband and today we've been happily married for 14 years. 

The point of my long post is that I think a person has to be in a good place to have a happy and healthy romantic relationship with someone. 

Work on yourself, girl. Go get strong. Don't worry about men for now. Go back to school or take a few classes if that will make you feel good about yourself. Build yourself up. Live your best life. I think if you do this, once you're in that awesome place, you'll meet a man--not one that's abusive and not one who's married--but one who will love you like you deserve.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Come on, let’s be honest, you added mr perfect because you were hoping he would chase after you. This was a classic fishing exercise that netted you nothing. Besides, don’t you think it is F’d up to interfere in another woman’s marriage, which is what your fishing attempt would have done if he took the bait.

If you’re boyfriend is so abusive, why don’t you just leave. You’re not married and I’m guessing you don’t have kids together, so why do you need the crutch of another man to lean on. Is it because mr abuse is supporting your lifestyle?


----------



## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

I think you need therapy to develop some self confidence. You were secretly hoping to get something started with Sam that would give you the confidence to leave your boyfriend. You need that confidence without having it built up by another man and continuing a string of bad relationships. You need to leave, then look - and look at single guys.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Unless you and Sam start sending erotic texts to each other...i would not make a big thing about it.
i have "friends" on social media from 30 years ago. the fact that you added him as a friend is not troublesome,

the worrying you have about doing that makes me wonder if, at least subconsciously, you are checking out of your current relationship. So work thru that? Have you really tried all you can to fix the current relationship? make sure before you start fantasizing about leaving it.


----------



## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Why are you choosing to remain in an abusive relationship?

That should be your first priority.


----------



## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

I heard a stat a while back that said a full third of broken marriages can be traced back to Facebook. One spouse or the other using it to reignite old crushes and relationships. So if it's responsible for a third of breakups, why would you even allow that crap in your home?


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Dump the boyfriend and do not enter another committed relationship until you can cut the old flame loose.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

You need to rescue yourself out of the abusive relationship you're in, not another guy. I would end the relationship with the abusive man you're with, and start working on yourself. Then, and only then will you be ready for a healthy relationship. I'm not sure what to make of Sam, neither here nor there...but, he may have accepted your friend request because you were safe in the past, and he's married and doesn't see you as a threat.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why would you insert yourself into another's marriage?

That's just low class.

By all means leave the abuser, then get some therapy. When you're in a good place emotionally look for a single guy.


----------



## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Crybaby87 said:


> I have Sam in my mind while being with my boyfriend who continues to be abusive. Not always, sometimes he can be sweet but he has a very difficult personality.


Posting again to add something--

Please don't make excuses for your abusive boyfriend. It doesn't matter if he's sweet sometimes. That sounds like classic text book abusive behavior.

My abusive ex-husband once gave me diamond earrings after beating the crap out of me the night before.

Pretty sweet, right? --to be clear, that's sarcasm.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Crybaby87 said:


> ......I’m not married but my boyfriend and I live together like a husband and wife. Previous to meeting my boyfriend, I was married to someone else but got divorced.
> 
> .........Well, Sam was also married and him and I became good friends. We never crossed any boundaries and respected our spouses but I felt really comfortable with him because we just clicked well. I* had a chemistry with him that I’ve never felt with any other man, not even my ex husband.* With time, *I developed a secret crush on him* but I always knew he was off limits.
> 
> ...


Where to start. What can you do? 

Figure out how to develop mature relationships. Yes, men and women can become friends, but each of you has to have boundaries and understand your own emotions. They can even be Facebook friends.

From your post it is clear that you are obsessing about "Sam," and have some significant issues regarding abuse from your current partner. Both of those things indicate you need to modify your relationship skills and choices. 

One of the things I have read about is women (and probably men as well) who are serial monogamists that like to line up their "next" relationship on Facebook. Yes, this is a thing, sort of like in baseball having someone warming up in the bullpen. That is what your post sounds like to me.

Personally, my high school graduating class has been communicating annual picnics on Facebook. There are lots of men and women, who played significant parts of my life back in the day that I now get to see how they are doing. It is nice to see who has new grandchildren, how they are interacting with their children and grandchildren, what kind of things they are doing in retirement, etc. I do have the distinct feeling that a couple of the women are keeping tabs on me, but so what, I am happily married. The things I post are about me, my wife, and my life, including hobbies, travel, children and grandchildren. I see no reason to "unfriend" any of them. The only people I have "unfriended" are people who have insulted me on multiple occasions.

Now back to your question on what can you do. Figure out your relationship with your live in boyfriend and either fix it or end it. Second, if you ended it, work on yourself and your emotional health. Part of that means figuring out how to not obsess about Sam or any other attached man. Then start looking to develop a relationship with someone who is available and not toxic. 

Good luck to you.


----------



## Crybaby87 (10 mo ago)

Hi. Thanks for all your responses. I already know that the best thing is to unfriend Sam or block him, but it’s not that easy. Let me explain why. 
Sam was really supportive in the past and just really nice. Even when my ex husband and I were about to get divorced, he tried to help us get back together and said he was sad about our divorce.

I think adding him as a friend and just block him out of nowhere is kind of rude. 
What if I’m just honest with Sam and tell him I realized we can’t be friends since we’re committed and that I made a mistake??
Will he appreciate my honesty or will I embarrass and humiliate myself???
At least he’ll understand why I deleted him. Again, he was just friendly in the past but I fell for him and it’s not his fault. I really wouldn’t like it if he thinks I’m rude and immature. I appreciated him as a friend and that’s the reason why I added him. I wanted to surround myself with good people and not abusers.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Crybaby87 said:


> Hi. Thanks for all your responses. I already know that the best thing is to unfriend Sam or block him, but it’s not that easy. Let me explain why.
> Sam was really supportive in the past and just really nice. Even when my ex husband and I were about to get divorced, he tried to help us get back together and said he was sad about our divorce.
> 
> I think adding him as a friend and just block him out of nowhere is kind of rude.
> ...


The best way is to block him without any discussion.

If you MUST explain, then explain and block WITHOUT waiting for a response from him.
But once there is a conversation started, you’ve lost this and will slide into much much more.
You know this… you’re already wanting to be validated, maybe even praised by him.

Friend or no friend, you goofed up and need to fix it without helping him destroy his married life in the process.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I wouldn't reach out privately to 'Sam.' There's simply no need. Just unfriend him. It's the easiest solution, and he may not even notice.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

There is no plausible outcome of your contacting "Sam" that doesn't end with you being the bad guy.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Crybaby87 said:


> Hi. Thanks for all your responses. I already know that the best thing is to unfriend Sam or block him, but it’s not that easy. Let me explain why.
> Sam was really supportive in the past and just really nice. Even when my ex husband and I were about to get divorced, he tried to help us get back together and said he was sad about our divorce.
> 
> I think adding him as a friend and just block him out of nowhere is kind of rude.
> ...


You are living with an abuser so how is that working?


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Its not a good idea to be looking for support from another woman's man. Period. Think about how you'd like another woman looking to your guy for emotional support.

I agree that you should just unfriend him...no discussion. People drop off my friends list sometimes and I don't bat an eye.

Find a girlfriend and/or family member for support. Looking to another woman's husband is poor boundaries.


----------



## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

*Deidre* said:


> I wouldn't reach out privately to 'Sam.' There's simply no need. Just unfriend him. It's the easiest solution, and he may not even notice.


^ this.

You're speculating what Sam will think of you if you unfriend him, but it's just your worst-case-scenario imagination running away with this.

The truth may be he doesn't even notice, as FB doesn't inform others re unfriending. Or if he does, he may simply assume you've moved on to a better relationship and will be happy for you. You can't know, and you shouldn't try to imagine what he's thinking. 

You're feeling embarrassed about your choices, but it's not as big a deal as you're imagining it to be. You've made the right choice by coming here and questioning your decisions, that's great. Keep pushing forward and do the right thing for everyone involved.

Then use that gained strength to reevaluate your current relationship.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I think if you're being honest with yourself OP, it's not that you would feel humiliated, it's that if he doesn't reach out asking why you unfriended him or blocked him, that will make you feel worse (being ignored by Sam) because you've built this guy up in your mind. I'd just unfriend him and if he doesn't notice, that's a blessing because you need to move on and work on just being on your own, healing. You may not see it that way now, but you will.


----------



## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Crybaby87 said:


> Hi. This is long but thanks for reading.
> I’m not married but my boyfriend and I live together like a husband and wife. Previous to meeting my boyfriend, I was married to someone else but got divorced.
> While being married, me and my ex husband used to be friends with a man. Let’s call him Sam. Well, Sam was also married and him and I became good friends. We never crossed any boundaries and respected our spouses but I felt really comfortable with him because we just clicked well. I had a chemistry with him that I’ve never felt with any other man, not even my ex husband. With time, I developed a secret crush on him but I always knew he was off limits.
> 
> ...


You don't want your current boyfriend you have settled for him. Likely he knows this. Certainly he doesn't trust you. 

_*I’m a coward to break up with my boyfriend because I don’t want to start all over again. I hate going through the “dating phase” again. I just want stability in my life. *_ He is a safety net and a provider to you, nothing more.

Do both yourself and your boyfriend a favor and part ways. If he is abusive you have nothing to gain by staying. Get out while you are ahead. Find someone you are more compatible with, someone that you are actually attracted to.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

marko polo said:


> You don't want your current boyfriend you have settled for him. Likely he knows this. Certainly he doesn't trust you.
> 
> _*I’m a coward to break up with my boyfriend because I don’t want to start all over again. I hate going through the “dating phase” again. I just want stability in my life. *_ He is a safety net and a provider to you, nothing more.
> 
> Do both yourself and your boyfriend a favor and part ways. If he is abusive you have nothing to gain by staying. Get out while you are ahead. Find someone you are more compatible with, someone that you are actually attracted to.


Jeez, work on trying to LOVE the current bf.
you can train yourself to do so!
it happens all the time in other cultures, where they have arranged marriages.
He ALREADY sounds like a stable keeper....


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Crybaby87 said:


> .............Sam was really supportive in the past and just really nice. Even when my ex husband and I were about to get divorced, he tried to help us get back together and said he was sad about our divorce.
> 
> I* think adding him as a friend and just block him out of nowhere is kind of rude.
> What if I’m just honest with Sam and tell him I realized we can’t be friends since we’re committed and that I made a mistake??*
> ...


The problem is not Sam, the problem is you. Let me repeat the problem is YOU.

You need to learn how to be a mature woman who can have a male friend who you can keep from having romantic feelings for. This is an issue about you and your emotional maturity.

Are you capable of having a male friend or must you forgo all male friends because of your inability to control your own emotional boundaries. You certainly have a compounding problem because the man you live with you feel is abusive and are just settling for because of emotional stability issues. 

You need to do a whole lot of emotional maturing. You need to figure out who you want to live with and the type of people you want to be emotionally involved with. I think that your first priority should be the man you live with. You need to either fix that relationship or end it. Then you need to recognize that the relationship you have with Sam is a "friend" not a romantic relationship, even if you might want it to be romantic.

You need to start living in the real world not a fictional word you have made up in your mind.

My suggestion is to end your relationship with an abusive man, heal your own emotional problems and then find a man who is not in a relationship who cares for you. That man is not Sam.

Good luck.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> You need to learn how to be a mature woman who can have a male friend who you can keep from having romantic feelings for. This is an issue about you and your emotional maturity.


i would go farther. You can have friends who you have romantic feelings for. 
you just have to keep those feelings completely to yourself.

Who knows, maybe when you are totally single some day, and so is he, he might confide that he has feelings for you too.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Crybaby87 said:


> Hi. Thanks for all your responses. I already know that the best thing is to unfriend Sam or block him, but it’s not that easy. Let me explain why.
> Sam was really supportive in the past and just really nice. Even when my ex husband and I were about to get divorced, he tried to help us get back together and said he was sad about our divorce.
> 
> I think adding him as a friend and just block him out of nowhere is kind of rude.
> ...


You are thinking in very selfish terms. You don't want to be seen as rude or immature. That is all for you. You are afraid of embarrassing yourself, again all about you. Do Sam a favor, and really yourself too, and block him with no discussion. Telling him you have a crush will not make you seem less rude or more mature. At the same time you are completely in the wrong to be friendly with a married man that you have romantic feelings for.

You have no right to imposed your emotional issues on a married man that is committed to someone else by telling him you have a crush. All it does its stand a chance to negatively impact him and his marriage.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Crybaby87 said:


> Hi. Thanks for all your responses. I already know that the best thing is to unfriend Sam or block him, but it’s not that easy. Let me explain why.
> Sam was really supportive in the past and just really nice. Even when my ex husband and I were about to get divorced, he tried to help us get back together and said he was sad about our divorce.
> 
> I think adding him as a friend and just block him out of nowhere is kind of rude.
> ...



I think you are missing the entire point....sam is not the problem the main issue here is your current relationship, you are getting side track with sam......sure you should let him down gently but you have to deal with your current BF in breaking up with him otherwise you will get side track again


----------

