# I feel sick to my stomach.



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

My STBXH and I had separated 2 months before I served him with divorce papers last week. Within that time to now, it seems, with the news officially coming out to public, people from the woodworks are contacting me. Some of them are his friends that I never knew about and some are mutual friends. I've got people telling me that he's always been a cheater, even before we were married, and two people telling me how they talked so often that they knew a lot about our daily lives. I HAD NO IDEA WHO THOSE TWO PEOPLE WERE! Let alone they were in such close contact with my stbxh! 

When he was home, he gave us 100% of his time. Never texted, called, or did anything out of the ordinary. I had no idea what he did at work (he's in law enforcement), but apparently, he talked to a lot of people and had a separate life outside of home. I wonder if some of his friends even knew he was married for 20 years and had 4 kids? 

I feel so stupid and so sick to my stomach for never seeing any signs. And if there were any signs, he would have a valid excuse for it...and I stupidly believed him.  I thought the relationship and home life was so good, I didn't have a reason to look for any signs.

He was such a good liar and covered his tracks so well, I'm glad I finally caught on (after 20 years) and beat him to his own game. I am angry at how I was taken for granted, treated with such disrespect, and I am also hurt that he chose his stupid HS GF over me and his kids. Last week, I was being wishy-washy after I gave him the divorce papers and actually had second doubts. Now, I have all this to keep me going. I have a feeling that it's going to get pretty bad in the next couple of months.


----------



## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

It can't be any worse than living a lie.

Don't beat yourself up. 

Human denial can be rather strong.


----------



## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

so so sorry, i was disappointed when i found about my stbxw affair & even asked why didn't you have the courtesy of telling me about it, supposedly it happened before our marriage, had i known obviously i would have never married her or stayed with her, i do not regret my 6 yr old at all but it would have saved me all this, i know if i ever hear stuff like that, even if it means loosing a friend i'll always be honest with people,


----------



## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Cheaters all all about image maintenance and avoidance of responsibility. Confessing to his affairs would mean he has to acknowledge he isn't as perfect as he would like to believe and is fully responsible for his actions. 

Some friends eh? Well don't beat yourself up over this. Those friends of his must not have liked him that much or they wouldn't be telling you all his faults now. Odd are they gave him as many "at a boys" as needed to keep him around but didn't trust him very much. If he cheated on his wife what's to prevent him from cheating with theirs? 

Just in case you're wondering what a man looks like years after losing his wife to an affair partner and then losing her, it's not a pretty picture. I've met a few of these guys who served in the armed forced and police department and they always look disappointed and miserable. LOL it's like they have a permanent expression of depression..... probably because their kids don't call anymore and the one woman willing to put up with their sh!t won't return their calls.


----------



## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

I'm glad you don't have the wishy washy feeling anymore. And now you know all the signs. Good thing now is that as soon as someone tells you "i always knew, just didnt say anything", you can put them in the "never want to talk to again" pile.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

our vision shattered said:


> so so sorry, i was disappointed when i found about my stbxw affair & even asked why didn't you have the courtesy of telling me about it, supposedly it happened before our marriage, had i known obviously i would have never married her or stayed with her, i do not regret my 6 yr old at all but it would have saved me all this, i know if i ever hear stuff like that, even if it means loosing a friend i'll always be honest with people,


I did the same thing! I asked him why he didn't have the courtesy to tell me about the affair! I can understand if it 'just happened' because do make mistakes, but for carrying on 8 months and me asking him if there were anyone else? WTF?


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Just in case you're wondering what a man looks like years after losing his wife to an affair partner and then losing her, it's not a pretty picture. I've met a few of these guys who served in the armed forced and police department and they always look disappointed and miserable. LOL it's like they have a permanent expression of depression..... probably because their kids don't call anymore and the one woman willing to put up with their sh!t won't return their calls.[/QUOTE]



I remember when we were young, he used to make comments and say how he feels bad for all those older officers who lost everything because they were stupid. Who knew, that many years later, he's doing the same stupid things those older officers did. 

I really hope this OW leaves him one day. I really don't want to believe that it's fate that brought them back together since high school. Did I already mention that she's still married and her lame husband is letting her cheat?


----------



## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

He knows had he told you he would have lost you. So he did everything he could to cake eat and try to balance both option A and option B. Don't even begin to beat yourself up over this. Just do your best to see him as the immature coward he is and cut your ties. You're going to see him again whether you like it or not so prepare yourself now for a life happier without him. 

Imagine how good it's going to feel months from now to wake up not worrying and do whatever the hell you want. Get yourself a divorced man whose been cheated on and left, one that's put in a ton of effort to better himself, and you've got yourself a great catch.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Matt1720 said:


> I'm glad you don't have the wishy washy feeling anymore. And now you know all the signs. Good thing now is that as soon as someone tells you "i always knew, just didnt say anything", you can put them in the "never want to talk to again" pile.



I'm going to start by telling them 'I don't even want to hear it.'


----------



## daybyday26 (Aug 5, 2012)

so sorry to hear this. Its not your fault. He will get whats coming to him im sure.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

OMG... you are telling my story. My STBXH is also in LE. Same MO as yours. Hooked up with his old flame from 22 yrs ago. He swears they are not having sex but its bad enough to me that he tells her all his problems and doesn't talk to me. Has not for years no matter hard I try to get him to open up. Secret lunches, texts, she calls his cell phone not our home phone, etc.

As for the woodwork people... turns out my STBXH has been telling everyone at work how miserable his marriage is, etc. Some of the LE wives have finally leaked it to me. I confronted him and he said "you can't understand how we support each other" referring to other cops. I am humiliated that most of the department knows about our personal lives.

He too, used to comment on how all his workmates were divorced, lonely and broke, missing their families, half their salary and half their pension. He said how stupid they were not to hold their marriage together. Swore he would never end up like that.

Seems the karma bus has arrived. Pls post more and share. Stay strong.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

brokenbythis - OMG!! My STBXH never opens up to me too! I've tried throughout our marriage and he always told me 'I don't talk about it'. It really sucks when you hear from these people how he confided in them, when he should have been talking to me about it. 

You're right, the karma bus has arrived. I need to get a lawyer to make sure I don't get taken for.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

There's something about the type of personaility the does that job. They all seem to be the same. Distant, emotionally unavailable. Maybe they pick them that way.

Mine would come home after some terrible call he had attended, I would ask him about it and all he would say is "its cool". How could a dead and beaten baby be cool? Why wouldn't he share with me?


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> There's something about the type of personaility the does that job. They all seem to be the same. Distant, emotionally unavailable. Maybe they pick them that way.
> 
> Mine would come home after some terrible call he had attended, I would ask him about it and all he would say is "its cool". How could a dead and beaten baby be cool? Why wouldn't he share with me?


I always wondered the same thing and I can't understand how or why he would open up to his OW and tells me that he can't talk to me like that.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

4.5: How are things going for you? Was thinking about you the other day!!


----------



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Not all LEO's are cheaters. I'm a LEO and my wife left me partly b/c she wants to live the single life and i could never forgive her fully for getting a DWI one night while i was working.


----------



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> There's something about the type of personaility the does that job. They all seem to be the same. Distant, emotionally unavailable. Maybe they pick them that way.
> 
> Mine would come home after some terrible call he had attended, I would ask him about it and all he would say is "its cool". How could a dead and beaten baby be cool? Why wouldn't he share with me?


Sorry, but you have no room to criticize until you walked in our shoes. I'm only 29 years old, but i have seen countless dead teenagers on the side of the road from mistakes they have made. Then i have to either tell the family or see the family being told they will never see their child again. It hits home and sticks with us for along time. Something me personally i don't like talking about to others close to me.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

legiox: I know your job is hard and believe me I'm not judging... But when you cut out your spouse from your feelings you're cutting your marriage in half. 

Our point is he can tell other women but not us. 

I guess I'm just a little bitter about being thrown out like trash and replaced so quickly after 13 years of sitting alone every night, no social life because he rarely got weekends off, raising our child literally alone, supporting him through his studies and basically his job, and being walked out on and replaced. I've been living the life of a single mom due to his work and now I've been left to pick up the pieces and its hard. But I'm getting there. 

I just found out yesterday he's been dating one of his old school friends.

I told him to today to move the rest of his stuff out of the house and I'll be filing for divorce as soon as I can afford to pay an attorney.

He's lost everything.. I hope he truly is happier. And I hope the other women are worth it.


----------



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> legiox: I know your job is hard and believe me I'm not judging... But when you cut out your spouse from your feelings you're cutting your marriage in half.
> 
> Our point is he can tell other women but not us.
> 
> ...


I understand. I'm on the other foot however. My wife disrespected me and my job with the things she did in the past. Like i have stated in threads before, I'm no angel and I fessed up to my mistakes, but i did not cheat on her and loved only her. In my opinion she decided to let her friends sway her in her decision making i feel it destroyed our marriage.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

You have every right to feel the way you do legiox. She definitely did you wrong. If you ever get married again and she sticks by you and supports your job and is there for you, cherish her and let her know she is important to you. Wish my STBXH had done that for me.

Your current wife does not deserve you. I know that won't make you feel better..


----------



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> You have every right to feel the way you do legiox. She definitely did you wrong. If you ever get married again and she sticks by you and supports your job and is there for you, cherish her and let her know she is important to you. Wish my STBXH had done that for me.
> 
> Your current wife does not deserve you. I know that won't make you feel better..


I was doing good about for 3 days, but I have all of a sudden hit a low point in my emotions. I'm trying not to let the negatives thoughts run throughout my head, but it sucks big time. I hate coming home to an empty apartment. Marriage is tough and takes alot of work. Sometimes i wanted to scream at the things she was doing, but i always had someone to come home to and someone to love. Now I'm looking at blank white walls..............

What hurts the most is that she didn't even attempt marriage counseling before moving out. She just decided to leave and take everything she owned within a 2 day span. Hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm still young (but not getting any younger). This job is already stressful as it is. I want a family, but most of all i want someone to love. I just hope i don't rush into anything later down the road looking for that.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

We all want someone to love. Someone who appreciates us, cares and listens. Most of all someone who you know you can rely on and will be there for you.

At least you're young. I'm in my mid forties, from another country and have been a stay at home mom for 9 yrs. I am truly alone!! But I'm trying to make the best of it.

I loved my husband with all my heart. I guess I knew something was amiss for about 5 yrs.. but like you I still loved him and wanted to make it work.

I miss him terribly, I miss being married, but I will not be his 2nd or 3rd choice any longer. I know I deserve better. 

Follow your dreams..


----------



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Yeah I told her I don't want to be in a rollercoaster ride of emotions. She is either 100% into saving it (like me) or im done. Obviously she said she was not. Not going to waste my time and heartache on crap like that. Best thing i did was block her from facebook, she loves using it. Can only imagine what i would find out there.....

Good talking to you by the way. Talking helps alot. Off to bed. Have to wake up at 5am EST time for work. OUCH!


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Facebook is evil. Responsible for 99% of my husband's "hookups". I deleted my account last month. More trouble than its worth.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> Facebook is evil. Responsible for 99% of my husband's "hookups". I deleted my account last month. More trouble than its worth.


That's where my STBXH did all his hooking ups. Me or the kids were never allowed to be his FB friends.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> 4.5: How are things going for you? Was thinking about you the other day!!


Thank you for asking Broken. It's been 5 1/2 weeks since I served him papers. He never responded so I went to the court this morning and filed a request to Default. From what I've read, the judge will basically give me everything I asked for because he either agrees or chose not to respond. 

As for holding up? I have my days. Some days i'm emotional and sad, others i'm great. I have to say that I have more good days than bad now. I pretty much stopped having any verbal contact with him. I cut the conversation really short and use email and text.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

So he called a little while ago and was getting very upset and irrational with me. I told him that I'm not tolerating that tone of voice from him and hung up. He called right back and was a little calmer (for 10 secs) before he started to get upset. Again, I hung up the phone. The third time he called, I just let it ring. I sent him an email explaining that I refuse to talk to him when he's upset and that 'email' would be our best form of conversation. We'll see if he responds.


----------



## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> So he called a little while ago and was getting very upset and irrational with me. I told him that I'm not tolerating that tone of voice from him and hung up. He called right back and was a little calmer (for 10 secs) before he started to get upset. Again, I hung up the phone. The third time he called, I just let it ring. I sent him an email explaining that I refuse to talk to him when he's upset and that 'email' would be our best form of conversation. We'll see if he responds.


stand your ground, you did good :smthumbup:


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Jeez I put up with the same BS from my STBXH. He calls me up carrying on about stuff, in an angry tone of voice. I tell him the same thing. I will not communicate with him by phone, send me an email or text, and preferably only about our son.

Yesterday I found out he's on dating sites. I signed up under a fake name and I read his profile and I felt sick, literally wanted to throw up. I also found out he is also dating some girl he knew from high school.

All this while he asked me not to file D papers so we could see if things work out! That was it for me. I am not anybody's 2nd choice, I'm done for good. I asked him to move the rest of his stuff out of my house as soon as possible, take one of the dogs and don't contact me anymore unless its about our son. I also told him as soon as I retain a divorce attorney I'll be filing papers.

I then received a phone call and multiple text messages with him completely going off the deep end. He even said he's sick of both of us (my son and I) and we "both deserve each other". He also said he would have the dog put down because he didn't want to pay for an apartment that took dogs. I ended the call.

Later he texted me saying he wants me to give him money for a deposit on an apartment (he's broke). I said no - his lack of budgeting is not my issue and he went off - threatened to stop giving me a portion of his paycheck. Telling me I need to move back to New Zealand (where I'm from). Its total craziness. Its like he's lost it.

I reminded him I don't know why you're so upset. I'm starting the divorce, its what you wanted and I'm making it happen. He's the one who chose to cheat and lie behind my back and chase bimbos and throw his family away.

Welcome to divorce.

Left: I hope you asked for half his pension, health insurance and a fat part of his paycheck!


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> Left: I hope you asked for half his pension, health insurance and a fat part of his paycheck!


Yep. I did!


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Good for you. Did you hire an attorney to do the whole thing, hire one to advise you on what you were entitled to or did you DIY it?

I keep getting told to hire an attorney or I'll get screwed.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> Jeez I put up with the same BS from my STBXH. He calls me up carrying on about stuff, in an angry tone of voice. I tell him the same thing. I will not communicate with him by phone, send me an email or text, and preferably only about our son.
> 
> Yesterday I found out he's on dating sites. I signed up under a fake name and I read his profile and I felt sick, literally wanted to throw up. *I also found out he is also dating some girl he knew from high school.*
> 
> ...


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> Good for you. Did you hire an attorney to do the whole thing, hire one to advise you on what you were entitled to or did you DIY it?
> 
> I keep getting told to hire an attorney or I'll get screwed.


I'm doing this all on my own. I'm going thru the law facilitator at the courthouse. They help you fill everything out. I originally wanted to hire a Paralegal but realized that I wanted to do it the other way and surprise him with papers served to him. (Loved the look on his face!) 

I pretty much knew that he wouldn't be hiring a lawyer/attorney because, throughout our marriage, 'I' was the one who took care of paperwork. So I knew he wouldn't be dealing with it. I was right, because he didn't bother to respond to my petition within the 30 days. His response to that was that he thought he had a couple of months to do it. Hello! The paper says 30 days!


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I originally thought I needed to hire a lawyer, but the more i research and read, the more I don't feel I need one right now. Maybe a limited scope representative type lawyer at the end, but that's about it.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Jeez you'd think a LE officer would know you have to respond to a summons within 30 days!

My STBXH won't be hiring an attorney since he doesn't have a cent to his name. He has spent all his money on chasing bimbos, my guess. Not my problem. I am going to see an attorney for a consultation because I want to know exactly what I can ask for - I'll only get one shot at this and I want to make sure I get what I'm owed.

I got a good full-time job about 7 wks ago, which I'm enjoying. Its contract for 8 mths then I'll try and get a permanent one in the same company since its right near home and the hours suit me well with my son in school. I'll still get spousal support but my biggest worry is health insurance after the divorce is finalized. I cannot be in this country without health insurance. I'm going to ask the attorney if I can demand he pay COBRA until I get a permanent job with health benefits. I know he has to pay for our son but me, the city will cut me off of the group plan once the divorce is finalized. As for the pension, I believe we have to hire an actuary to value the fund and give us a figure.

I'll keep you posted. Stay strong, I know what you're going through sister, it sucks but at least we won't be their doormat any longer. What fools they are, throwing away their family and future for a bimbo.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> J*eez you'd think a LE officer would know you have to respond to a summons within 30 days!*
> 
> That's what I was thinking!
> 
> ...


I think he's a fool to throw what we worked hard for but I would be a bigger fool If I stayed.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

So it finally happened. Five months after D-Day, he came over and apologized to me. I heard him out, told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore, asked him to give me my divorce, and showed him the door. 

He didn't ask for any reconciliation and I didn't expect one. I was surprised that I didn't feel any emotion. I think I am actually done and ready to move on.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Left With 4.5 said:


> So it finally happened. Five months after D-Day, he came over and apologized to me. I heard him out, told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore, asked him to give me my divorce, and showed him the door.
> 
> He didn't ask for any reconciliation and I didn't expect one. I was surprised that I didn't feel any emotion. I think I am actually done and ready to move on.


Wow. I wonder what bought that on. Guilt? New GF not working out? Misses you? Woke up to what he left? Fool..

Good for you showing him the door. How did he take your reaction? Did he look upset or indifferent?

I have a funny feeling my STBXH will be doing the same thing.. just a gut feeling. Won't be for a while but ... the grass is usually not any greener...

Glad you handled it so well. Good for you! I'm cheering for you!


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> Wow. I wonder what bought that on. Guilt? New GF not working out? Misses you? Woke up to what he left? Fool..
> 
> Good for you showing him the door. How did he take your reaction? Did he look upset or indifferent?
> 
> ...


Thank you Broken. I didn't expect it and honestly, I've wondered what I would do if that day actually came. I was surprised at my own reaction. It showed me that I was done and STRONGER than I thought. 

I don't know what his reasoning is. Maybe he realized that his kids really don't like him right now? Who knows. 

He got upset and started to do the blame thing on me when I didn't react/act the way he wanted. That is when I showed him the door.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

He was telling me that he doesn't know why this is happening, why he's doing this, why he's feeling this way. Said he was so lost and just wanted to go away and be alone. 

My guess is that I turned his world upside down by stopping him from cake eating and exposing to everyone. Oh well.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

He will keep saying those things.

Until you or someone else gives him a reason (in his mind) to blame again.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Left With 4.5 said:


> He was telling me that he doesn't know why this is happening, why he's doing this, why he's feeling this way. Said he was so lost and just wanted to go away and be alone.
> 
> My guess is that I turned his world upside down by stopping him from cake eating and exposing to everyone. Oh well.


I get the exact same words from my STBXH. I am stunned at how messed up he is. He has become unglued in a relatively short period of time. He used to have it so together I would not in a million years ever had expected to see the mess of a man that I see today. The word that keeps on coming to my mind is SELF DESTRUCTIVE.

My observations point to a combination of 3 things: Mid Life Crisis, Depression and mental illness (runs strong in his family).

Glad I have it together and feel pretty much fine. I have my bad days but they go away on that day

The longer I deal with his cr&p the more I detach and actually long for someday being with someone different. Someone not on the edge of insanity, someone not forever depressed. Someone somewhat normal.


----------



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Good thing when my STBXW left i was able to keep my retirement/no alimony. Whewwwwww When she signed that Separation paper alot of weight was lifted off my shoulders.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

legiox said:


> Good thing when my STBXW left i was able to keep my retirement/no alimony. Whewwwwww When she signed that Separation paper alot of weight was lifted off my shoulders.


Legiox: I'm glad she agreed to not ask for that. My case is different: We;ve been married over 10yrs. I was a stay at home mom for 9yrs. In CA, that changes what I'm entitled to. He has to give me half of his retirement, death benefits, alimony for an indefinite amount of time and child support for the next 9 yrs.

I gave up my career to move to the States to marry him. I further gave up my earnings to stay at home with our son (a mutual decision that he is now saying was not mutual). 

He is acting extremely agressive towards me, he's obviously pis&ed about how he's going to come out of this financially. Again, it's not my problem. This is what he wants and after learning what I know now, I want it too. The door is now firmly closed and locked.

Consequences of his actiions and choices, time for him to grow up.


----------



## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> Legiox: I'm glad she agreed to not ask for that. My case is different: We;ve been married over 10yrs. I was a stay at home mom for 9yrs. In CA, that changes what I'm entitled to. He has to give me half of his retirement, death benefits, alimony for an indefinite amount of time and child support for the next 9 yrs.
> 
> I gave up my career to move to the States to marry him. I further gave up my earnings to stay at home with our son (a mutual decision that he is now saying was not mutual).
> 
> ...



Good for you. He cheated on you, you deserve half of everything he has. In my case she was the one who left and i did no cheating. So im saying...Whewww i was able to keep all that your taking, and sucks to be him...LOL


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

A little update. After the apology, he went back to his normal self and tried to pick fights with me. I don't give him a chance anymore because I really don't care what he has to say to me anymore. A person can only take so much abuse. He also apologized to the older kids and that what he did was wrong BUT he's been unhappy since before the first child was born....Yes, back to the, "We never should have gotten married." belief. Geez, thanks! My oldest told me that he feels that he and his siblings are part the problem! He keeps asking them if they miss or worry about him, in which they either don't reply or tell him yes to get him off their backs. I don't get it, he apologizes but is still in denial. Actually, I do get it. It's sad to see who he's become and it shows the kids what role model he is. Thank goodness my kids are all too smart to see through him.

Anyways, I'm starting to get these sub-cautious stress symptoms. I could be having a good day, but my facial muscles would tighten up and my throat would feel like it's constricting. I'm not sleeping through the night now and have major headaches during the day. I was doing fine up until a couple of weeks ago. I don't know why my body is doing this.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

left with 4.5 said:


> a little update. After the apology, he went back to his normal self and tried to pick fights with me. I don't give him a chance anymore because i really don't care what he has to say to me anymore. A person can only take so much abuse. I agree.
> 
> He also apologized to the older kids and that what he did was wrong but he's been unhappy since before the first child was born....yes, back to the, "we never should have gotten married." belief. dont listen to this bs. They all say it, ive heard it, most of the people on this forum have heard it. Its the walkaway spouse's coping mechanisim - makes them feel less guilty about being an a%$hole.
> geez, thanks! My oldest told me that he feels that he and his siblings are part the problem! He keeps asking them if they miss or worry about him, in which they either don't reply or tell him yes to get him off their backs. I don't get it, he apologizes but is still in denial. the river denile. You'll be seeing this for a while.
> ...


 its not easy i know, im with you on that one. This is one of the most stressful things to ever happen to someone, not to mention the saddest especially when you have kids involved. One of the ways i cope is to try to plan ahead as a single woman. It helps me to visualize a peaceful life on my own without living with a lying cheat. I deserve better. Hang in there...


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

We short sold our house a year ago which started him on the walkaway path. His ego was so badly hit - he was afraid of what his workmates would say, he considered himself a loser. Mind you literally half of his workmates have done a short sale or foreclosure in the past few years. I for one was happy to get rid of the house, we should never have bought it in the first place (his idea) and could never comfortably afford it.

We rented a smaller house in the same neighborhood and the lease is up in January. I'm not going to stay here because the rent is too much for me alone and quite frankly cleaning and maintaining it now I'm working full time is wearing me out and leaving me no leisure time. When the lease is up I'm going to move into a nice apartment nearby and be more comfortable. I'm ok with it and my son it too. I will take one of the dogs and I've asked the STBXH to take the other and his response was it costs too much to rent a place with pets I'll have him put down. I was horrified. This is our labrador who we've had in our family for 11 years.

Who would say something like that?


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Wow, our lives really do mirror each other! We 'had' a laborador too! Had to let a friend take care of him after STBX left. 

I can't believe your ex would say such a thing about putting your lab down. That is horrible! I hope your children didn't hear any of this.


----------

