# Seperated but husband would like to reconsile



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

OK I'm seperated with Divorce pending. My husband would like to reconsile and so would I. We have been talking on the phone nad texting. Hes living with his parents. We have 3 children who all have autism. We have gone out to lunch/dinner as a family, but not much as just a couple. He talks about the future as "we" and has made big future plans for us. I might add we are also going through bankrupcy and giving up our house with it. So he talks about the future as if he believes we will stay married, but he can only hug me at the end of a visit. There is no hand holding, no I love you at the end of a phone or text conversation. I asked him just tonihgt if maybe he would spend the night with me while the kids are at his parents house. He said he will have to think about it. He said he is very sad and wants to go to counseling to quit being sad. We each have our own seperate counseling that we go too. We have gone to marriage counselors in teh past and he wants to go to our old counselor. I'm very nervous about going to counseling because it didn't work before. 

This weekend we have planned to spend Sunday together without kids. Its nothing remotly romantic where we will have privacy though. We are going to look at RV's. He wants to save $$$ to buy a large used RV for us to live in because he has to travel large portions of the year for work and we have always had to stay home.

So with Thanksgiving coming up I was hoping to have some alone time with him before Thanksgiving. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for Thanksgiving. I always go to his parents house where they host a dinner. Me and my husband always sit together after the Dinner. With this seperation and him being relationship love wise distant I'm not sure I go. If I don't go I will stay home alone. I don't have family in this state except for my parents who have now made it clear they don't want me in thier life. They have been very distant since I told my mom I was working on reconsilatiuon. Then I got an FYI text last Sunday that they will be busy all day on Thanksgiving helping the military for those people who don't have any family.

During this seperation I have also relized teh abuse I endured both physically and emotionally by my parents as a child and emotionally as an adult. I ask my self Why could I not see that it was very wrong for my mom to call during my youngest daughters birthday party that she can't make it to the party because my dad was on a gambling winning streak? That for x-mas they often left gifts in front of the garqage door for my kids or said they couold not stay long because they were headed to Cripple Creek to go gambling...That my mom could never complete a conversation longer than 5 minutes with me on the phone or in person because my dad was always calling her....

I know in my heart that I have relized that my parents have caused so much harm to me that I have only just recently accepted. So how can I deal with this loss that I feel for my whole family and my husband?

Thanksgiving is about being thankful, but I'm not sure what good feelings I can feel this year


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