# Men, how long of a mourning period b4 dating?



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I don't know where to post this but I will start here.

I divorced my cheating husband a year ago and have not dated. I have no interest in marriage again but the thought of a boyfriend for companionship is nice. Seeing someone twice a week would be ideal for me.

While out with friends, I ran into a guy from college. We never dated, just knew of each other. 

This guy is recently separated from his wife. (Her choice). The only thing I know is that there will be no reconciliation. (His words)

I think he is hurt and not ready to date but I like him.

In my perfect world, he would spend a year grieving his wife while dating a few transitional women and eventually ask me out when ready.

Of course this is not a perfect world and I'm keeping my distance for both our sakes right now.

How long did it take you to mourn your wife/marriage until you were comfortable being around another woman? And not just for sex.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It will vary tremendously based on many factors: how long they were together, who left and why, how much of the mourning/adjustment took place BEFORE they split, personality factors (some are more resilient than others), etc.

I was happily dating within weeks of moving out, but had a long period beforehand to prepare myself.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Like you, I know that I desired companionship toward the end of the 2+ year old divorce process, but just held out until the gavel finally fell on it. I've talked with a couple of ladies but have scheduled no firm dates.

Playing a pair of dating websites, but when I come to feel reasonably comfortable with a lady, then I'll ask her out.

My advice is not to go out until you're 100% ready to do so!*


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I think this guy is still in shock. I think his wife wanted to seperate out of the blue. I think he was totally happy. 

He was out having what seemed to be a genuinely good time. 

I would consider a date if asked but i don't want to be with someone who is not over their wife/marriage. At least as much as they can be. I'm thinking a couple of years maybe for someone who was completely blind-sided. ??


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

I think you're ready when you feel you're ready. I personally wouldn't date anyone not divorced though. I feel as though dating while they are separated is just to soon, and you don't want to be a rebound for anyone.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Depends upon the individual and YOUR awareness.

I have dated several women where I was the rebound ... and I knew it. Was fine with me.

They needed someone who understood what they were going through. Wasn't going to ask a great deal but could be supportive.

As long as you know what you are signing up for, and recognize that the relationship may have a lifespan, you can enjoy it for whatever it is going to be.

To answer your question, a year is a pretty good benchmark, but not an absolute.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Rugs said:


> How long did it take you to mourn your wife/marriage until you were comfortable being around another woman? And not just for sex.


I was dating before I even moved out of the house, about a week or so after she filed the D papers.

I had already been on a few dozen first dates and I had been in about 3 relationships of about a year or so in duration before the ink was dry on the divorce papers 3 years later.

But I tend to jump into things.


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## vandal_xx (Feb 28, 2014)

My wife left me 2 months ago. Jumped on a dating site a couple days ago. I don't know if it's the right thing to do or if I am ready, but it helps my head and I gotta get on with my life. Fake it till you make it I say.
Good luck


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

I would recommend at least 3 months, maybe 6 depending on the other people involved, after the divorce is finalized; when children are involved. 

Other than that one thing, I would say that it's about when you feel comfortable with yourself. Know what who you area and that you are back to "you". As long as you're honest with yourself and others though then go for it. I dated a couple people before I was ready for anything real after my divorce. They knew going into it though that things could change at the drop of a hat and there was no expectation of a normal, healthy or long term commitment.

I recommend the 3months when children are involved because it removes complications from the divorce process.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

One wild card.

Some states take a month to divorce... Some take years.

How many people want to go without for say three years?


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> One wild card.
> 
> Some states take a month to divorce... Some take years.
> 
> How many people want to go without for say three years?


:iagree:

NOT ME!


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> How many people want to go without for say three years?


I don't. I'm not ready for love or a relationship, but I could use some now.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This is all going to depends on the individual man and where his heart is. If he is not over her yet, then no matter who he dates, it's not going to be good. If he is over her, that is your best bet. Some take longer than others.


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## Craigthinks (Mar 16, 2014)

it is 2 questions
1) how long before dating? I don't know yet. I plan to as soon as the ink is dry on my marriage, but she cheated on me.

2) should you date a married person?
2nd one easy, Dating 101 on planet earth don't date a married person or a person in a relationship you home wrecker. You could be friends, but I would speak to her first.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Craigthinks said:


> it is 2 questions
> 1) how long before dating? I don't know yet. I plan to as soon as the ink is dry on my marriage, but she cheated on me.
> 
> 2) should you date a married person?
> 2nd one easy, Dating 101 on planet earth don't date a married person or a person in a relationship you home wrecker. You could be friends, but I would speak to her first.


I am confused on your #2. The guy is separated. Rugs wasn't involved in the separation. I would say if the separation is permanent and working toward divorce, that he is fair game...should she want to take that risk.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I don't want to date anybody right now. I don't want to date anyone not divorced when I am ready. 

I was just curious how soon most guys get over their walk-away wife when they have been blindsided. 

I think the guy I was referring to is still devastated so I'm not going anywhere near that. Sometimes walk away wives come back too. Just curious how long the mourning period was/is?


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