# He gave me high-risk HPV, now I don't wanna have sex!



## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

Has anyone been through something like this? I know HPV is very common (like 80% of population gets it at some point in their lives by age 50), and the high-risk type doesn't produce yucky warts, but cervical dysplasia in women instead, which means painful colposcopies or worse procedures to remove the bad pre-cancerous cells. 

Well, we've been together almost 2 years and have been living together happily for the last 7 months. I'm in my early 40's and when we met, I'd never had an abnormal pap in my life. When we started dating, we both got tested for STD's and showed each other our results which were all negative; then a few months after we started having unprotected sex, I went in for my annual pap exam and the results came back abnormal with HPV and low-grade cervical dysplasia which is caused by contracting what they call high-risk HPV from sexual skin to skin contact. I got a colposcopy done which scrapes the bad pre-cancerous cells off the cervix and then started taking certain recommended vitamins in hopes that my body would fight the HPV off on it's own over the next year, and I just let it go up to the Universe. This was all around this time last year.

Now here's the kicker, there is NO high-risk HPV TEST for men!! WTF?? The only way a man can tell if he has this is by giving it to his unwitting female partner who then shows the HPV on her pap test!! So last year, my man realized that he's the link to my high-risk HPV, or a carrier if you will, since his past two serious relationship partners also had abnormal HPV paps after having unprotected sex with him & one of them even had to have that scary LEEP procedure done to her cervix (Loop electrosurgical excision (LEEP) -- During a LEEP, a thin loop wire excises visible patches of abnormal cervical tissue. LEEP is performed with local anesthesia and has a 90% cure rate). This scared me alot, but I stayed hopeful that my body could fight this off and we went on with our couplehood, moved in together, and things have been going well for us.

Then two weeks ago I had my annual pap, hopeful that the results would be normal now, but to my total disappointment & horror, they weren't. I still have HPV and low-level cervical dysplasia and DO NOT want to go through the awful colposcopy yet again, or worse! 

I am so upset, feel tainted and gross since this thing just won't go away! I don't feel sexy at all and deep down am mad at him for doing this to me. He feels awful about it as well which helps, but...I'm the one who has to go through the pain and inconvenience of getting my cervix scraped and being scared of it progressing into cervical cancer eventually! 

Now I have a bit of a wall up with him, am more quiet than usual, and have avoided having sex all this week. I just don't know how to cope with this! He keeps telling me to let it out and talk about it with him, but I just can't because I know that the feelings churning inside me will just make him feel worse because HE CAUSED THIS! 

Any advice on how to deal and get past this hump would be greatly appreciated!!


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

You really need to talk to him about your feelings about sex with him now. Keeping it inside does no good. Yeah, he may feel hurt but he has to wear a condom now!! Sounds like he is the carrier of this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

You definitely need to get your bad feelings out.Holding them in will only make them stronger leaving no room for good feelings to grow.

I think your reaction is completely normal.
But also you have to realize he had no idea he had this problem.Think of what you know about this man,do you really think he deserves your anger and this wall you've put up? I don't know if he does or if he doesn't,that's up to you.
yes this is happening bc you slept with him unprotected but he didn't do this TO you.The act of unprotected sex did this to you.

How would you want him to handle it if the situation reversed itself and you had given him a high risk std unknowingly?


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## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

Thanks ladies! Scarlet, I logically get what you're saying, but my emotions are running away from me! I'm so dang terrified of eventually having to have my cervix cut out! I can't use condoms because I'm highly allergic to any material they are made out of, latex, polypropelyne, whatever that stuff's called, I get mad yeast infections when I use them. Though from alot of what I've read and my Doc. said, you can't keep ping ponging the same strain back to each other, which is a relief. His ex-wife never had an abnormal pap after having that LEEP procedure done & continuing to have unprotected sex w/him for years afterward because her body cleared the HPV on it's own. I just need to boost my immune system more to clear this thing I guess. 

I just don't know what else to do and though he says he's here to support me, being a manly guy, he kinda sucks at it, & I know if I really voice some of my anger & fears about the trials ahead of me he'll just feel worse & get angry at me for feeling what I feel, so I just hold it all in. I just can't win in this and feel hopeless.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Kaori said:


> Thanks ladies! Scarlet, I logically get what you're saying, but my emotions are running away from me! I'm so dang terrified of eventually having to have my cervix cut out! I can't use condoms because I'm highly allergic to any material they are made out of, latex, polypropelyne, whatever that stuff's called, I get mad yeast infections when I use them. Though alot of what I've read and my Doc. said you can't keep ping ponging the same strain back to each other, which is a relief. His ex-wife never had an abnormal pap after having that LEEP procedure done & continuing to have unprotected sex w/him for years afterward because her body cleared the HPV on it's own. I just need to boost my immune system more to clear this thing I guess.
> 
> I just don't know what else to do and though he says he's here to support me, being a manly guy, he kinda sucks at it, & I know if I really voice some of my anger & fears about the trials ahead of me he'll just feel worse & get angry at me for feeling what I feel, so I just hold it all in. I just can't win in this and feel hopeless.


 I feel so bad for you hon,this is really wrecking your emotions right now. 
I am not saying this to minimize your fears but just to give some hope about the cervix issue.I had my cervix removed a while back and it had no negative impact on me at all thus far.So if you DO end up needing yours removed,while it will feel like the end of the world,I promise it is NOT.

As far as the man is concerned,he cannot tell you to share your feelings then ambush you with anger.That does NOT build trust and it doesn't say much for his character.When we share our feelings about something we are showing the other person we feel safe with them and showing them we have deep trust.If he turns on you then you may want to reconsider your relationship with him.I'm not saying this hpv thing is a free pass to brow beat him to death but you should be allowed to get your sadness and your fear and your anger out in a healthy way.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

And I just caught this.So he had two exes with this issue and he didn't think to mention that to you before you had unprotected sex???


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## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

"And I just caught this. So he had two exes with this issue and he didn't think to mention that to you before you had unprotected sex??? "

Yeah, he didn't see the real connection until I got it too! Though I recall him once saying that he thought he 'might' be a carrier after we'd already had unprotected sex & the part that really pisses me off is that I looked it up online after that and most medical websites make out like it's no big deal since such a huge amount of the population gets it! Most sites say "your body/immune system will likely clear it in 2 years" and it's rare for women to have to have the invasive procedures, "so don't worry about it." Even my doctors act like getting a colposcopy is a walk in the park; I suppose it is compared to having cervical cancer, but who wants to deal with any of this mess at all, really? One medical site dedicated to HPV that I went on even had a q&a section for men with the question of "should I tell my partner I have HPV?" and the answer was "no need to cause undo worry by disclosing". WTF?? 

So I read all that and believed the medical hype, now I'm living the supposed "rarities." That makes me the most angry, how the medical community is minimizing this because it doesn't really affect men; just us women. If men had to get pieces of their penises cut off due to this, I bet there'd be all kinds of stuff being done about HPV!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Blaming your husband is like blaming your baby for the pain of child birth. People have bad sh!t happen all the time and lots of times it is no ones fault, just as it is this time. Who do you get mad at when you catch a cold virus, get a sinus infection, or a flat tire?

You say he had no idea and no way of knowing he was a carrier. Your anger is displaced. Work on getting rid of the anger because it serve NO PURPOSE. Accept what has happened and focus on getting through the procedures.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Kaori said:


> "And I just caught this. So he had two exes with this issue and he didn't think to mention that to you before you had unprotected sex??? "
> 
> Yeah, he didn't see the real connection until I got it too! Though I recall him once saying that he thought he 'might' be a carrier after we'd already had unprotected sex & the part that really pisses me off is that I looked it up online after that and most medical websites make out like it's no big deal since such a huge amount of the population gets it! Most sites say "your body/immune system will likely clear it in 2 years" and it's rare for women to have to have the invasive procedures, "so don't worry about it." Even my doctors act like getting a colposcopy is a walk in the park; I suppose it is compared to having cervical cancer, but who wants to deal with any of this mess at all, really? One medical site dedicated to HPV that I went on even had a q&a section for men with the question of "should I tell my partner I have HPV?" and the answer was "no need to cause undo worry by disclosing". WTF?? I think the attitude is so nonchalant because the majority likely have the "harmless" type of hpv.
> 
> So I read all that and believed the medical hype, now I'm living the supposed "rarities." That makes me the most angry, how the medical community is minimizing this because it doesn't really affect men; just us women. If men had to get pieces of their penises cut off due to this, I bet there'd be all kinds of stuff being done about HPV!!thankfully the awareness is growing and they're trying to keep these things from happening to young women by producing vaccines for certain types of hpv.


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## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

I get it and am working on it Anon. I'm mainly upset about the painful, expensive procedures on my future horizon. Being over 40 & on the verge of menopause, my immune system isn't what it used to be, so I anticipate years of procedures to remove the bad cells over & over which is just depressing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kaori said:


> Now here's the kicker, there is NO high-risk HPV TEST for men!! WTF??


Unfortunately the medical field has focused on HPV test for women. But it can also cause cancer in men: anus and oropharynx — the back of the mouth and upper part of the throat.

Men can prevent the types of HPV that cause most genital warts by receiving Gardasil, which was originally approved as a cervical cancer vaccine for girls and young women.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are not being fair to your boyfriend in blaming him for your dysplasia.

You most likely were infected with HPV 5 or more years ago.

“In general, the latency period between persistent HPV infection and low-grade cervical dysplasia is 5 years, and between low-grade lesions and the development of invasive cancer is about 15 years.”

Human Papillomavirus: Confronting the Epidemic—A Urologist’s Perspective


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

This makes him more likely to have prostate cancer?


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## SolidSnake (Dec 6, 2011)

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about this just yet. If you have only had one abnormal pap, ask your Dr. about having a second pap test done. If it comes back abnormal, only then have the LEEP procedure. Don't assume that one abnormal pap absolutely means HPV. Folic acid deficiency can also cause the same type of cell abnormalities in the cervix which show up on an abnormal pap. Moreover, HPV is known to clear from the body in 6 months or so. Your partner could be asymptomatic by now if he contracted it from a former partner. That is why people don't always know if they have HPV, and even if they suspect that they do, it can't necessarily be transmitted to a new partner years later. I have heard advice given on this forum in favor of not informing future partners unless you have had a recent outbreak. It not like herpes or HIV, so I wouldn't freak out about it. I encourage you to do your own research on the subject and seek a second medical opinion.


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## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

Thanks SS but this is my second annual pap with an abnornal result & it's definitely HPV & LSIL caused by HPV per my Dr. (the pap I had this time last year had the same results for the first time in my life). It's been almost 2 years since we started having unprotected sex & I still have HPV/Dysplasia, so ours must be a tough strain. I've never had an abnormal pap of any sort since I started getting paps as a teen, and I've never missed an annual exam. 2 of his past sexual partners did have abnormal paps w/displaysia caused by HPV only after having unprotected sex with him, so we see the direct connection to him. There is not enough known about this aspect of the virus ie, some people being carriers of the higher-level strains of HPV, and it seems like there's still alot of guessing going on in the scientific/medical community. Even my Dr. can't give me clear answers about these things when I ask her. So we're going by what seems pretty clear in our unique situation. I was in a long-term monogamous relationship before meeting him, so there's no way I caught this 5+ years ago & it just popped up a few months after he & I had unprotected sex, that just doesn't make any sense. 

I also believe the scientific/medical community purposely fuzzes info. on the contraction modes of this virus since it's so common/rampant & to keep broken families/ltr's due to the blame game to a minimum, and because they simply do not know enough about how this virus works. Just my opinion of course.

I'm taking supplements with B6, B12 & Folic Acid in them, so we'll see if that helps my situation at all.


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## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

"I have heard advice given on this forum in favor of not informing future partners unless you have had a recent outbreak. It not like herpes or HIV, so I wouldn't freak out about it."

Comments like this make my blood boil! I'm sorry, but how can I NOT freak out about having yearly painful colposcopies or worse due to this? I've already had one colposcopy and it was terrifying, stressful, painful, and very expensive to go through. Plus, the cutting & scraping weakens my cervix. This is not just a minor inconvenience!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes, it's serious. But you do not know if you got it from him for not. 

Isn't a big part of the issue here your anger at your current boy friend who you are blaming for your problems?


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## SolidSnake (Dec 6, 2011)

Kaori said:


> "I have heard advice given on this forum in favor of not informing future partners unless you have had a recent outbreak. It not like herpes or HIV, so I wouldn't freak out about it."
> 
> Comments like this make my blood boil! I'm sorry, but how can I NOT freak out about having yearly painful colposcopies or worse due to this? I've already had one colposcopy and it was terrifying, stressful, painful, and very expensive to go through. Plus, the cutting & scraping weakens my cervix. This is not just a minor inconvenience!


I agree with your previous post where you said that the scientific community doesn't entirely understand HPV.


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## talin (Apr 25, 2012)

Kaori said:


> So last year, my man realized that he's the link to my high-risk HPV, or a carrier if you will, since his past two serious relationship partners also had abnormal HPV paps after having unprotected sex with him & one of them even had to have that scary LEEP procedure done to her cervix


He had not one but TWO sex partners with abnormal HPV paps, he is obviously quite familiar with HPV and yet he decided not to share this information with you prior to engaging in unprotected sex even though you were cautious enough to both check for STDs prior to engaging in nonprotected sex.

He's been rather deceitful. I highly doubt he just realized he might be the link to 3 women who have the exact same STD that he has.



Kaori said:


> Now I have a bit of a wall up with him


Can't say I blame you. 

I'm almost surprised you're still with the guy.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I sense a guy that probably had some idea he was the common factor here but decided to bury his head in the sand and hoped he wouldn't be forced to deal with it. He may have also gotten the message, like so many others, that it was no big deal. I doubt he did anything maliciously, though if you're that angry it might be best to move on. That's up to you. Fwiw, I had a high risk strain about 11 years ago, though I never needed any procedures, and it continued to be positive until about two years ago and my tests are all negative now and my paps are all normal. Just wanted you to know that just because it hasn't cleared in the typical two year timeline doesn't mean it won't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

"Isn't a big part of the issue here your anger at your current boy friend who you are blaming for your problems? "

Well, it's not as simple as that. I get that this is common/rampant & am not really mad at him, especially after you guys setting me straight on that. I think I'm just pissed that I am the one who has to go through all these painful procedures, stress, & expense from something he clearly gave me, yet he suffers not one bit from it! I'll admit it, I'm jealous of the unfairness of it all and angry with the fact that there isn't even a test for these men out there who are obviously carriers of high-risk HPV!! I also hurt for the other unwitting women like myself who are going through what I am as well. I'm a bleeding heart type.

So, yeah, I'm more mad at this situation I've been put into and asking y'all how to cope with it all and still be able to relax & enjoy sex with him and my life in general, knowing I have pre-cancerous cells brewing in my lady bits.

As for him being deceitful, he admitted that in the past, he hid his head in the sand about it & hoped he wasn't the link, especially since alot of info we find about it negates this carrier theory, & there is no test for men. It was clearly a tough conundrum for him that I understand he feels bad about and at this point, since we're pretty sure he gave it to me and we are in a committed, monogamous relationship, I really need his support through this. I'd hate to have to go through this all alone.


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## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

Thanks for that Lifeistooshort! It actually does make me feel better and you hit the nail on the head about his being deceitful. Can I private message you with questions about what you've been through if I need to?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Kaori said:


> Thanks for that Lifeistooshort! It actually does make me feel better and you hit the nail on the head about his being deceitful. Can I private message you with questions about what you've been through if I need to?


Sure, I'll tell you more of my situation that way. It might make you feel even better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

We actually had a good long text conversation about all this today and he has been uber supportive and talked me down from having a crying fit here at work! We really love each other & will get through this. 

Thanks everyone for your input and support. I love this board!


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Kaori said:


> Has anyone been through something like this? I know HPV is very common (like 80% of population gets it at some point in their lives by age 50), and the high-risk type doesn't produce yucky warts, but cervical dysplasia in women instead, which means painful colposcopies or worse procedures to remove the bad pre-cancerous cells.
> 
> Well, we've been together almost 2 years and have been living together happily for the last 7 months. I'm in my early 40's and when we met, I'd never had an abnormal pap in my life. When we started dating, we both got tested for STD's and showed each other our results which were all negative; then a few months after we started having unprotected sex, I went in for my annual pap exam and the results came back abnormal with HPV and low-grade cervical dysplasia which is caused by contracting what they call high-risk HPV from sexual skin to skin contact. I got a colposcopy done which scrapes the bad pre-cancerous cells off the cervix and then started taking certain recommended vitamins in hopes that my body would fight the HPV off on it's own over the next year, and I just let it go up to the Universe. This was all around this time last year.
> 
> ...


My understanding of High-risk HPV was that you could have it for up to 20 years before developing pre-cancerous cells. Are you sure it was him? As so many of us have this virus the fact that his two previous partners had it doesn't mean that you didn't before you got together.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How do you know that you did not have HPV before you started sleeping with your current boy friend?


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## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> How do you know that you did not have HPV before you started sleeping with your current boy friend.


Well, simply because I'be never had an abnormal pap in all these years of my life & his past history of his monogamous partners coming up with it only after having unprotected sex with him. If he didn't give it to me outright, then i feel at least something about his chemistry triggered it to activate in me. But it's just all too odd to be pure coincidence, ya know? That's moot now though, I have it for sure & just want to get through this mess intact if I can!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Kaori said:


> Well, simply because I'be never had an abnormal pap in all these years of my life & his past history of his monogamous partners coming up with it only after having unprotected sex with him. If he didn't give it to me outright, then i feel at least something about his chemistry triggered it to activate in me. But it's just all too odd to be pure coincidence, ya know? That's moot now though, I have it for sure & just want to get through this mess intact if I can!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think it is possible to to go from an HPV infection to having pre-c cells in such a short time. I could be wrong, but I thought it took years. 

I think that you probably had this infection before you met him. In fact there is an 80-90% chance that you did, assuming you had been sexually active. 

I think you are convicting him on unsafe evidence.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kaori said:


> Well, simply because I'be never had an abnormal pap in all these years of my life


It generally takes years for dyplasia so occur after contracting HPV. Did you even read the info I posted on this very topic? I spent time looking that up for you. I posted a link for you.

It apparently takes at least 5 years for the abnormal cells to show up. There is no way you got this from your current boyfriend. You already had it before you started to date him.


Kaori said:


> & his past history of his monogamous partners coming up with it only after having unprotected sex with him.


It does not matter. You must have had it before you started having sex with him due to the number of years it takes for the abnormal cells to develop.



Kaori said:


> If he didn't give it to me outright, then i feel at least something about his chemistry triggered it to activate in me. But it's just all too odd to be pure coincidence, ya know?


Now this sounds like you just want to blame him. Really? His thingy is so toxic that it just triggered an of HPV infection you have had for years to turn your cervix cells into abnormal cells? Really? 

There is little doubt that you would have those abnormal cells right now whether or not you had ever met your current boyfriend.

Listen, I understand that when something bad happens we often look for someone to blame. It’s a lot easier to blame someone then to either just accept that it’s the luck of the draw. And it’s even better to blame someone than to take responsibility for the consequences of our own behavior. You had unprotected sex in the past (before this guy) with someone who had HPV. A full 80% of the population has it. You have slept around some. So there is nothing unusual in that you came down with it. It’s a huge bummer, but not surprising.



Kaori said:


> That's moot now though, I have it for sure & just want to get through this mess intact if I can!


I disagree that its moot now. You started out this thread blaming your boyfriend. And above you said that if he did not give you HPV, his chemistry has something to do with you having abnormal cells now. You have got to find a way to quit blaming him. If you don’t, it will destroy your relationship. It sounds like you have him convinced that he gave it to you. What a guilt trip!!
You have to let him off the hook. It sounds like he is not at fault here. And you have to let him know he’s off the hook.

I hope your health situation gets better very quickly. I know it’s a bummer.


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## Snow cherry (Apr 24, 2013)

I can't speak for the emotional part that your going through. I had a bad pap smear in 1988-- at my post natal checkup. I had that colposcopy or whatever it's called and was told I had pre cancerous cells that they needed to freeze off. I did that and that was that. It wasn't painful and I was just told to regular paps in the future because
anything treated early is curable etc...I went on to have normal paps until 2002..I stopped getting them because my health insurance ended and I still don't have insurance. I plan to get health insurance in the near future but I've been saying that for years...I really can't afford it. 
I guess I should be a little concerned but I'm not. I spend more time stressing over my root canals and crowns that need fixing.
As for blaming anyone for my HPV (I was never told I had it, just assumed from my own research back then)...I assume I got it years earlier as a teen by who knows...it doesn't really matter..it's just life.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I read through most but not all of this thread. I'm just going to be blunt and I could be wrong on how to solve your dilemma. 

Just take your dam cervix out. What do you need it for? If your so worried about cervical cancer and cells growing....take the thing out. 

Your 40. Are you going to have any more kids? I had my uterus taken out cos I was sick of bleeding...I had the option to have my cervix taken out because your cervix can bleed also...and the world didn't end. My point is was done using the stuff....had no need for it...got tired of the problems (periods) so hey...took them out...

Take it out. Done.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I had this myself and I have no clue where it came from(now that I read Elegirl's post, my ex h gave it to me). I did have an unfaithful ex h, but it showed about 4-5 years after my divorce. I had 2 leeps done. The last leep hit an artery and I was bleeding like crazy! I had to go into urgent care to have the my cervix cauterized. I was at stage 4 when it was found in the first place. It was important that it was to be removed immediately. 

I never re contracted HPV since and I'm unsure which strain I had in the first place. This happened over 14 years ago and I never had it again. I had 2 children after this incident.

I was dating my current husband when I had all of this happen to me. Luckily, my husband(bf at the time) was very understanding. It never stopped him from proposing to me.


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Just to underscore what EleGirl said earlier, it is my understanding from my own OB/GYN that testing for HPV during annual exams is *not* routine. She said normal Pap results didn't mean HPV wasn't present. She also said up to 80% of adult women in the US have it or have had it, it's very common, and many never know unless they are specifically tested for it.


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## Sunshine Cadillac (Apr 30, 2013)

My Bi-annual Paps are always abnormal and nobody has said anything to me (dr or hospital etc) but I go to the hostpital about twice a year to get scraped also, it is VERY Painful especially if you have a ***** for a doctor. I actually got a different doctor last time in December and he was SO much better than the lady doctor i had prior and he talked to me and made me feel so much better. The lady doctor i cannot stand sits you on the table scrapes you and addresses you to leave, not a single word of compassion at all. So i was instructed to talk to the doctor I just had and explained my concerns and worries and he was so great and so were his colleagues cause there is never just one person in the room. I have never been told I have anything or where it came from and they said sometimes we never know why the results are abnormal but my results have never come back positive with cancerous cells.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Let me give you some facts and some good news....

Virtually all sexually active men and women aquire one form or another of HPV during their lifetime.....

The high risk HPV that your husbands former partners had did not necessarily come from him....

Many cases of HPV resolve with time...It just go's away....

You can not get it again from your partner, since you already have it, so not having sex has absolutely no basis as far as your health is concerned......

There is a vaccine for high risk HPV currently being studied, so, a trial cure is going to be available soon.......

New vaccine could help women who already have HPV | Fox News 

has an article about it....This could save millions of women pain and suffering, and save lives....

So, all is not lost, there are effective treatments, and a cure is on the way....

I hope this makes you feel LOTS BETTER and informs other women as well

the woodchuck


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Uh - regardless of whether or not she got it from him, I still think not mentioning that you had two previous partners who had STDs would be something worth mentioning. I mean - if he'd slept with previous partners who had AIDS, I think she'd have the right to know that and weigh her options accordingly.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> It generally takes years for dyplasia so occur after contracting HPV. Did you even read the info I posted on this very topic? I spent time looking that up for you. I posted a link for you.
> 
> It apparently takes at least 5 years for the abnormal cells to show up. There is no way you got this from your current boyfriend. You already had it before you started to date him.
> 
> ...


The man had unprotected sex with 2 other women who have high risk HPV, and then had unprotected sex with her and now she has it. CLEARLY he is the one who gave it to her. Why are you so adamant that he didn't? Because you read something on the internet? LOL! Ragging on her about this is not helpful, and its not sensical either. 

OP as long as you are having sex with him, you are continuing to reinfect yourself. I have a feeling that as long as anyone is with him, they will be dealing with cancer. He MUST MUST MUST disclose this from now on. Unfortunately now you do too if you two don't stay together. 

I am so deeply sorry that this happened to you. I can only imagine how much your head is reeling over this. My best friend is going through the same thing right now. Shes had everything removed she can, and her last pap was abnormal again. I don't know what the next step is for her. She married her man earlier this year if that makes you feel any better.


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## HangingVine (Jul 1, 2013)

It could have very well have come from him.But unless she had never slept with anyone else it could have come from another partner as well.

Knowing two of his ex-partners ended up with cervical problems ?Sorry most women and men don't even know that's highly likely to be STD related.

And in his case he submitted to being tested for any STD's and tested clear.

I don't see this guy as being deceptive.


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## HangingVine (Jul 1, 2013)

> When we started dating, we both got tested for STD's and showed each other our results which were all negative;


And since HPV is very common its possible you had it.One of you obviously had it when you tested negative.Unless you are suggesting he cheated on you after you got together?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

According to the CDC, there's no test being done for HPV when you get STI testing.

STD Facts - Human papillomavirus (HPV)

So getting a "clean" test doesn't mean someone didn't have HPV.

C


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## HangingVine (Jul 1, 2013)

PBear said:


> According to the CDC, there's no test being done for HPV when you get STI testing.
> 
> STD Facts - Human papillomavirus (HPV)
> 
> ...



Exactly right.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

If you had sex before him ( Im assuming you have had sex with others) then HPV could have come from anywhere. It can lay dormant in the body for years just like anything else from my understanding, so he may or may not have given it to you. The fact that you said, you had never really had a normal pap tests, may indicate something had been wrong all along. I did not read all of the replies so if this was already mentioned I apologize in advance.


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## Kaori (Sep 18, 2012)

Wow, thanks for the new feedback & info! I'll def. look into that new vaccine.

To clarify, I said I'd never had an abnormal pap in my life before being intimate with him. There is no HPV test for men & it's typically only tested for in women over 35 during their annual pap exam. 

With the approval of my Dr. I'm trying the homeopathic supplement route to boost my immune system so my body can fight and hopefully clear this ****** on its own. Taking a multivitamin w/folic acid, vitamins A, B6, & B12, as well as a regimen of cimetidine which has been reported to clear warts (caused by HPV) in as little as 2 months. I don't have genital warts thank goodness, but figure it's worth a shot to try it for 2 months. I plan to go back for another HPV test in Feb. Wish me luck please!

I don't believe he was being purposely deceptive about it. As they say, third time's the charm & I think my getting it directly after being intimate with him was the final proof he needed to confirm he's a carrier. I rarely bring it up now or ever brow beat him about it though. We're doing fine & sex life's back to normal. I can't dwell on this constantly and am just focusing on enjoying my life with him, & living in the moment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Kaori said:


> I don't believe he was being purposely deceptive about it. As they say, third time's the charm & I think my getting it directly after being intimate with him was the final proof he needed to confirm he's a carrier.


Except that, as noted above, it does not fit the timeline.



> I rarely bring it up now or ever brow beat him about it though. We're doing fine & sex life's back to normal. I can't dwell on this constantly and am just focusing on enjoying my life with him, & living in the moment.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am glad to hear that you are moving forward with life. Good luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Kaori said:


> though he says he's here to support me, being a manly guy, he kinda sucks at it, & *I know if I really voice some of my anger & fears* about the trials ahead of me *he'll just feel worse & get angry at me* for feeling what I feel, so I just hold it all in. I just can't win in this and feel hopeless.


 Um, say what?

He does this to you and you aren't allowed to grieve?

And what's worse, YOU control yourself so as not to make him angry?

What's wrong with this picture?


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

You have many people in the same boat with you so please don't feel alone. You know even if you wear a condom some strains of the HPV can be passed on. When I found out I had the higher strains of HPV (went through all the procedures listed and ended up have a complete hystrectomy) I ranted and yelled when I found out because I knew I would have to tell anyone who was looking for a long term relationship with me that I carried the virus. I have been clear of the virus for several years and I don't have to have the constant worry about cancer lurking in the background. Yes, it was my x h that gave it to me but you know after I told him, he never disclosed it to his future relationships. 

It's a tough pill to swallow I must admit but sounds like you are going in the right direction now. It does get better, I'm proof of that. Best Wish and Good Health to you.


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