# A 3way past?



## Bryce (Jul 2, 2013)

So I have been with the same girl for 8 years...we started dating when she was 14 and I was 15...I had pretty much no experience when we started dating, i could have counted on 1 hand the number of girls i'd kissed, I'd only made out with 1 girl and only touched one girls breasts...so pretty unexperienced...but thats what comes with being 15...so I thought...Given my Soon to be fiance' was 14, I'd assumed she was just as experienced, she had told me she had only had sex one time before we started dating, but she was raped, so I didnt really consider that to be a sexual history... well I recently found out that she began her sexual history at 11! before getting with me at 14, she had given 5 guys oral and 12 guys HJ's, and even had a 3 way with 2 guys where she gave oral to one while the other fingered her...now all of this was BEFORE we started dating over 8 years ago, but the initial shock of finding this out 2 days ago is bugging me, I told her its not a big deal, because ultimately to hold it against her is unfair, but at the same time, I am struggling to comprehend this activity at such a young age, especially the 3way scenario...I know I'm being obnoxious letting this bother me, but as someone who had pretty much no experience and has fantasized about a FFM 3way(not necessarily even with me pentrating the other woman, just having 2 women in the bed during sexual activity, the other woman could do nothing but enjoy her and I would be fine with that) I am a bit jealous that she has more experience and I just dont know how to handle it because I do think it would be unfair to hold it against her given it was before we were together...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

How is she sexually right now? Does she withhold? Is she adventurous? Is she prudish?


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## Bryce (Jul 2, 2013)

pretty much the only thing that prevents us from having sex is that she currently lives with her parents for the summer(we are both finishing college this year) and that awful 4 days a month...other than that our sex life is good! little to no complaints...don't see where that comes in though...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Lots of red flags.

Please please please don't marry this woman until she's had A LOT of therapy.

Women don't become sexually active that young unless there is abuse in their past. She may 'appear' normal and well adjusted now cause she's young but I assure you she's not. The closer she gets to 30 the more her skeletons will come out to play and you will pay for what her abusers did to her.


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## Bryce (Jul 2, 2013)

her and I have had extensive and intensive talks about what happened... not to be too graphic but it was an isolated incident from a guy she had gone on a date with and was fooling around with him but he refused to stop at oral... it's obviously not a happy memory but we have had extensive talks and she has told me countless times that though its nothing she can forget, the talking her and I have done has done wonders for her self esteem...
and this also happened well AFTER she had already had some sexual experience... she was a bit prudish for a short time around the time she told me about it, but honestly now she is pretty kinky, so she seems to have little holding her back anymore


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Lots of red flags.
> 
> Please please please don't marry this woman until she's had A LOT of therapy.
> 
> Women don't become sexually active that young unless there is abuse in their past. She may 'appear' normal and well adjusted now cause she's young but I assure you she's not. The closer she gets to 30 the more her skeletons will come out to play and you will pay for what her abusers did to her.



I too agree sex at 11, HUGE RED FLAGS!!!

Was she forced to give HJ's, BJ's and do the 3 ways to all those guys? Or was she just sexually active at that young age?

If this was all abuse, she will need serious therapy because as she gets older, those faded memories will re-surface.

But if she was just sexually active, even at that young of an age, which I find hard to believe, she is a HD lady. But I'm also thinking abuse and then she didn't know any better.....

I wish you both a great marriage and congrats on finishing your college programs. :smthumbup:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Bryce said:


> well I recently found out that she began her sexual history at 11! before getting with me at 14, she had given 5 guys oral and 12 guys HJ's, and even had a 3 way with 2 guys where she gave oral to one while the other fingered her...now all of this was BEFORE we started dating over 8 years ago, but the initial shock of finding this out 2 days ago is bugging me, *I told her its not a big deal*, because ultimately to hold it against her is unfair, but at the same time, I am struggling to comprehend this activity at such a young age, especially the 3way scenario...*I know I'm being obnoxious letting this bother me, but as someone who had pretty much no experience and has fantasized about* a FFM 3way(not necessarily even with me pentrating the other woman, just having 2 women in the bed during sexual activity, the other woman could do nothing but enjoy her and I would be fine with that) *I am a bit jealous that she has more experience and I just dont know how to handle it *because I do think it would be unfair to hold it against her given it was before we were together...


First, stop lying to her. This is bothering you, so don't tell her it's not a big deal. It's clearly a HUGE deal to you.

Second, stop dating her. If you think the way you do, you will find it almost impossible to stop thinking that way. You will forever be "jealous" of her experience and feel cheated because you didn't have those kinds of experiences with anyone. 

Your other option is to get over it, but retroactive jealousy and feeling like you missed out because you're "stuck" with her and no other sexual experience is one of those things that people have a really, really hard time letting go. Some end up cheating so as to "even up" the sexual experience score. Or they end up sl*t-shaming their partner for having had a past. Or both.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I'm being obnoxious letting this bother me, but as someone who had pretty much no experience and has fantasized about a FFM 3way(*not necessarily even with me pentrating the other woman, just having 2 women in the bed during sexual activity, the other woman could do nothing but enjoy her and I would be fine with that)* I am a bit jealous that she has more experience and I just dont know how to handle it because I do think it would be unfair to hold it against her given it was before we were together..."



Are you trying to use this as an excuse to have a three way? The bolded comment sounds like you have thought/planned this through:scratchhead:


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

After what she's been through, you. as her loving hubby to be, should be just the two of you, no 3 - ways!!! And let her take the lead but never turn down her fantasies or advances. Let her be herself.


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## Bryce (Jul 2, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> I too agree sex at 11, HUGE RED FLAGS!!!
> 
> Was she forced to give HJ's, BJ's and do the 3 ways to all those guys? Or was she just sexually active at that young age?
> 
> ...


I know its semantics, but she was not actually having SEX at 11, but I know what u mean...she was doing these things on her own, but she also was not in the best environment...she was never abused(outside of the incident described above), i dont know what HD lady is...but I can say that fidelity has never been an issue...we have maintained a very close and loving relationship over the years...


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## Bryce (Jul 2, 2013)

mablenc it was not as if I was trying to spin it that way, its just I thought it was odd how she always got mad at me for bringing up 3ways when she had one herself... lol

cuddlebug...good points...I do try to never tell her no in bed


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

norajane said:


> First, stop lying to her. This is bothering you, so don't tell her it's not a big deal. It's clearly a HUGE deal to you.
> 
> Second, stop dating her. If you think the way you do, you will find it almost impossible to stop thinking that way. You will forever be "jealous" of her experience and feel cheated because you didn't have those kinds of experiences with anyone.
> 
> Your other option is to get over it, but retroactive jealousy and feeling like you missed out because you're "stuck" with her and no other sexual experience is one of those things that people have a really, really hard time letting go. Some end up cheating so as to "even up" the sexual experience score. Or they end up sl*t-shaming their partner for having had a past. Or both.


I can only compare my story on some levels but to me they are relevant so I will share. Married 14 years found out this year my wife prior to our marriage with her past BF had a three way with another woman. This ate me up at first and I still have moments that suck. Mostly because she lied to me in the beginning of our relationship and because prior to this knowledge it was my only mental fantasy. Now the fantasy depresses me so that is gone. 
Here is the deal though. I love my wife more than life and our life together is great. I would not give it up for anything. So wanting to have her with another woman sounds great, but I would never share her with anyone. Having an FFM threesome is great but I would never cheat on her. it took me a couple months but I am pretty much over it now. So I think if you truly are in love you will get past it. I would be more concerned about the red flags others have mentioned. 11 is way too young and had to impact her in some way that you and possibly she are unaware of at this time.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Bryce said:


> mablenc it was not as if I was trying to spin it that way, its just I thought it was odd how she always got mad at me for bringing up 3ways when she had one herself... lol
> 
> cuddlebug...good points...I do try to never tell her no in bed


Ok got it, thanks for clarifying. Just thought it was interesting.

Carry on...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Women don't become sexually active that young unless there is abuse in their past.


He did say she was raped.



Mavash. said:


> She may 'appear' normal and well adjusted now cause she's young but I assure you she's not. The closer she gets to 30 the more her skeletons will come out to play and you will pay for what her abusers did to her.


:iagree:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Bryce said:


> mablenc it was not as if I was trying to spin it that way, its just I thought it was odd how she always got mad at me for bringing up 3ways when she had one herself... lol


She gets mad because _she _doesn't want to share you with anyone else. She is upset and offended that _you _do want to share _her _with someone else, and that you aren't satisfied with "just" her and you sexually - you want to bring a third person into your relationship.


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## Bryce (Jul 2, 2013)

nogutsnoglory ...My friend, we are cut from the same fabric I feel...im pretty much in that same boat...the biggest thing for me is that she kept it from me...honestly I never expect a 3way and its nothing I really concern myself with, its just that typical male fantasy...

norajane I completely agree and understand that, which is why i dont ever actually try to get a 3way...in our 8 years ive mentioned it probably 3 times, mostly with a sarcastic tone to it anyways...she knows I have the thought, but knows I would never try to make her feel like she needed to


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Bryce said:


> nogutsnoglory ...My friend, we are cut from the same fabric I feel...im pretty much in that same boat...the biggest thing for me is that she kept it from me...honestly I never expect a 3way and its nothing I really concern myself with, its just that typical male fantasy...
> 
> norajane I completely agree and understand that, which is why i dont ever actually try to get a 3way...in our 8 years ive mentioned it probably 3 times, mostly with a sarcastic tone to it anyways...she knows I have the thought, but knows I would never try to make her feel like she needed to


I let my wife know what her admission did to my fantasy life. It was fair to let her know the consequence of keeping the information from me.
For me it was the simple fact that before marriage I was adamant in only wanting a marriage partner with a similar sexual past so as not to wish I had done what they had done etc... No guy wants that and I knew that. Unfortunately that information is also what caused her to lie to me back then, so she could keep me. It stung a lot, but that little lie has me with my best friend and my beautiful 2 kids. Don't share your wife and don't "kid around" any longer sarcastic or not she knows its all males fantasies and it will always ring as truth in her ears, even if it is not intended to come out that way. Don't ask her to share you either. She is special and never lose sight of the gift you received the day you met her. Treat her like a gift everyday. Marriage (happy ones) are all about not losing sight of the foundation of love that brought you to the alter. Too many lose sight of that. It takes work. Every new car loses its smell. You have to wax, wash and perform regular maintenance to get the quality of it for as long as possible. Marriage is similar to this. It takes work. I wouldn't trade that job for anything though. Show her love my friend. From the sounds of her past, she deserves to feel true love and most likely has been searching for it for a long time. She may not admit abuse yet (or even recall it as such) but it was either mental or physical and it did happen. Something caused an 11 year old girl to search for love and use giving sexual favors to try and feel loved. It was not sexual desire that caused her to do those things at a young age. Good Luck..


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## Bryce (Jul 2, 2013)

thank you good sir...definitely agree and it has been a long time since mentioned the idea of a 3way... when she told me all of this she could tell that I was a bit shocked and told me if I needed to I could go "catch up" but I knew she would be hurt if I did, and I could even tell it in her voice and on her face when she said it...I would never do that because I know it would kill her and I don't want anyone else anyways...


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Put your focus on having an open, honest, passionate sex life with your fiance. That will bring you so much more pleasure and satisfaction than focusing your thoughts on jealousy about her sexual experience.

If you're in this for a lifetime marriage, holding onto thoughts that undermine your bond will get in the way of a healthy sex life.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I would assume she'd been molested as a young child. I have an 11 year old. They are children. They would not normally be giving blow jobs. Shes likely been molested AND raped before she was even a legal adult. Nothing to be jealous of. Kids who have been molested very often become promiscuous as a result. Either because they already feel ruined or because they learned at a very young age that they had to trade sex for love and security.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> I would assume she'd been molested as a young child. I have an 11 year old. They are children. They would not normally be giving blow jobs. Shes likely been molested AND raped before she was even a legal adult. Nothing to be jealous of. Kids who have been molested very often become promiscuous as a result. Either because they already feel ruined or because they learned at a very young age that they had to trade sex for love and security.


Some kids grow up to be sexual... When I was pre-teen kids would expirament, you didn't talk about it because you kinda thought you where the only one. But between two young kids that don't know any better, they've been expiramenting probably back to the cave man days.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Some kids grow up to be sexual... When I was pre-teen kids would expirament, you didn't talk about it because you kinda thought you where the only one. But between two young kids that don't know any better, they've been expiramenting probably back to the cave man days.


I would wonder how old her partners were. Two 11 year olds experimenting is one thing. An 11 year old girl giving bj's to a 15 year old boy, for example, is a whole other thing.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Ya'll are seriously naive to think that this girl was just doing normal preteen experimenting without something driving her to behave that way.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Go find an 11 year old and picture her giving 12 guys a hand job. And the guy who raped her before she was 14 should have gone to jail. Did he? If she couldn't report the crime its just one more suggestion that she had sexual abuse in her past.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I have an 11 year old girl and her best friend is 12.

They still play with barbies. :scratchhead:

They are LITTLE girls not women.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

norajane said:


> I would wonder how old her partners were. Two 11 year olds experimenting is one thing. An 11 year old girl giving bj's to a 15 year old boy, for example, is a whole other thing.


Oh yeah, your right.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I have an 11 year old girl and her best friend is 12.
> 
> They still play with barbies. :scratchhead:
> 
> They are LITTLE girls not women.


:iagree:
Mimicking a women and being a woman are two totally different things.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> Go find an 11 year old and picture her giving 12 guys a hand job. And the guy who raped her before she was 14 should have gone to jail. Did he? If she couldn't report the crime its just one more suggestion that she had sexual abuse in her past.


Ok, thats right.

Kids have been expiramenting back to the stone ages. The question is whether we have forced activities and sex with a minor type problem. 

I have daugthers. Don't want them doing anything, but at some point they will. I definately don't want a much older kid taking advantage of their youth, because that's a problem.

But young kids expiramenting like they always have, I'm not sure.

12 HJ's... Yeah, that's a problem.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I have a 12 year old D, and I do my best to protect her innocence. She would be completely grossed out by BJs and HJs (thank God). Sorry for the thread jack.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She was having sex at 11!! It doesn't have to be PIV to be sex.

This is very far from normal development for a child, I predict there is something she's not telling you about her past that drive her to sex as a child. Very likely molestation by someone, very possibly a family member or close family friend that she is protecting.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Bryce said:


> I know its semantics, but she was not actually having SEX at 11, but I know what u mean...she was doing these things on her own, but she also was not in the best environment...she was never abused(outside of the incident described above), i dont know what HD lady is...but I can say that fidelity has never been an issue...we have maintained a very close and loving relationship over the years...



No actual sex at age of 11 but still doing the motions.....

Maybe she isn't tramatized and just had a high curiosity?!

HD = high sex drive (all the time, almost every day and multiple times each day)

LD = low sex drive (1 - 2x month or less)

AD = average sex drive (2 - 3x per week)

Always be there for her, emotionally, listening, etc. Let her take the sexual lead, if that's her thing and never turn down her sexual fantasies or ideas. If she likes you taking the sexual lead, then lead then.

Now I wouldn't encourage a 3 - some in any marriage because that's breaking your marriage vows and why get married then?

All I'm saying is, be careful if this was abuse to her. But if its not abuse in her eyes, then go for it but her past is her past and don't bring it up unless she wants to talk about it. No one is perfect and we all screw up big time.

"Let those who haven't sinned cast the first stone."

The first time I had an orgasm, I was in my early teens, at home, alone and didn't really know what had just happened, but it felt really great. From that point, sex, sex, sex.....but at age 11, nope. I wasn't mentally and emotionally ready for a gf and real relationship until my late teens.

Wish you guys the best.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

You are jealous of something your girlfriend did when she was ELEVEN YEARS OLD? 

11 year olds are not sexually mature, physically or mentally. Some kids do experiment early, but it's just that--experimenting. If she wasn't being coerced or abused, her sexual behavior at that age STILL was no promise of what sexual boundaries she'd settle into upon reaching maturity. 

Let it go. She was a child.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Bryce said:


> ... well I recently found out that she began her sexual history at 11! before getting with me at 14, she had given 5 guys oral and 12 guys HJ's, and even had a 3 way with 2 guys where she gave oral to one while the other fingered her...now all of this was BEFORE we started dating over 8 years ago,...


Having worked for 6 years as a detective in the Crimes Against Children Unit, I can, with conviction tell you that children under the age of 16 CANNOT give sexual consent for ANY sexual activity involving touching of the buttocks, vagina, female breast, penis, anus, or mouth of either participant. 

In some states, (USA), they even have stricter "age of consent" laws governing juveniles as old as age 17. 

So, Bryce, when you say she participated willingly on her own, at the age of 11 up to 14 that is neither, here nor there.

I've had perps in their 20's tell me the 12 year old girl came on to them, and they were just giving them what they wanted. 
Absolutely, disgusting, and it is a felony punishable by imprisonment.
Even if the male participant is just a couple years older, it is still a felony of a lesser degree.

I find it quite surprising that knowing her past you would even hint, at bringing in another person to share her sexually. I think she's been shared enough sexually already. 

I am of the same opinion as most of the others here. She should probably seek some form of counseling, even if it's just short term. 
I've had hundreds of women in their 30's and 40's come into report a rape or molestation that took place when they were in their early teens, because it's only now, mentally, and emotionally wreaking havoc in their current relationships with husbands and boyfriends.
Unfortunately, there wasn't really anything I could do for them criminally because of the statute of limitations.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I have been SO disturbed by this all evening. It might be mostly because I have daughters who are 11 and 14 right now. I'm seriously sick for this girl, being raped as young as she was.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Seriously, are you for real? You`re jealous of your girlfriend because she was molested at 11 years old. That's right, she was molested! Whatever acts she was performing I'm pretty sure she was coerced into doing. She needs counselling but so do you if you think performing sexual acts at 11 is normal. 

Disturbing is right MissScarlett. When my daughter was 11 she was still playing with dolls like Mavashs daughter.


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