# Too big?



## levma (Apr 7, 2015)

My wife and I were both virgins when we met, so intercourse was something we had to figure out from the start. While I don't think we ever got really "good" at it, we did have it relatively frequently up until we got pregnant. But after giving birth (it was a c-section), we have not had intercourse since, though we have tried a bunch of times. My wife always tells me that I'm too big and that even when we were having sex, it was uncomfortable. From what I've read, I think I am average at best - 6 inches long and 4.5 inches around. 

Personally, I think she either has a metal hangup or she has some physical issue that may be preventing her from having intercourse. Anyone experience something similar or have any thoughts on this? While we still manage to have some fun in the bed, I would like to get back to being able to make love to my wife.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Did it hurt her before she gave birth?

How long ago was the c-section?

Contrary to what you may assume, sex after a c-section can hurt VERY much. I've had 2 c-sections. It took quite a while, maybe up to 6 months, for it to not hurt anymore. Talked to the dr. about it she said it's normal and due to hormones.


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## Propel (Aug 1, 2014)

If its a logistics problem, then the answer to use lots of lube and prolong foreplay. Getting highly aroused also requires relaxation. As arousal increases the vagina balloons out like a tent. This of course will reduce friction so some people actually avoid going for peak arousal.

A complication in all this is the relaxation part. Why she can't relax maybe anxiety, fear, relationships issues, feeling unsupported or simply not getting enough foreplay and needing a massage or something. All other things aside, check with your doctor there maybe a physical ailment that causes the pain.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

She needs to go to her OB/GYN and tell them she is having trouble. It sounds like she is willing but not able to comfortably. Given she was pregnant and had a C-section her hormones and her body are going to take a while to return to normal.

Her doctor may be able to help her get back to her normal self a bit quicker if they figure out what has changed.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

At he next gyno appointment have her ask her doctor about vaginal dialators. They are used to stretch a vagina so that it can accommodate a penis. Some older women, expecially widows shrink quite a bit with time and when they find their next love, find they also have problems, but the older you get the less elastic you skin/muscle becomes so it is even harder for them. 

Our sex therapist was really concerned about my wife in our sex starved marriage, because my wife didn't masturbate and when we started therapy had been about 5 months since our last intercourse. The therapist stressed that as you age you need to use it or loose it and explained this to us in detail. As with most things, there are cures, if both parties want to change things.

You might also make sure that your W has no emotional or mental problems with PIV making love to you. A lot of women undergo incredible emotinal changes after childbirth. 

Good luck.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

There are some special exercises you can do to reduce the size of your penis. 

Tip 1: gain a little weight if it is healthy for you to do so. The added fat in your pubic region will prevent you from penetrating as far as you can now. 

Tip 2: masturbate prior to sex, just enough that your refractory period has just started to reset. This will reduce you girth as your erection will not be as strong. 

Tip 3: Eat a lot of soy in your diet. The natural estrogen in soy will counteract your testosterone.

Soy's Negative Effects | Men's Health

_Among other changes, the daidzein-exposed males produced less testosterone, had softer erections, and experienced biochemical changes to their penile tissues that left these tissues less elastic and less capable of complete blood engorgement._
​
Hope that helps and good luck!

Badsanta


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Maybe she is lacking estrogen causing her vagina not to expand and lubricate. That can be painful.
I actually know someone who gets a cream prescribed to her that has estrogen in it and she says it makes a difference.


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## levma (Apr 7, 2015)

Thanks for the response. A few things ...

- My wife gave birth 3 years ago, so I think her body should have returned to "normal" by now if there was any issues caused by the c-section.

- She does have a high level of general anxiety, but for the most part this does not inhibit her ability to get aroused while we are fooling around. There is nothing in her past that should be causing any anxiety when it comes to sex. I think it is just a general fear of it possible hurting. 

- Unfortunately, I don't think this is something she would ever discuss with her OB/GYN as she does not feel comfortable. I may try to convince her to a some point, but it will be a tough sell :-(

To be fair, we haven't really tried a lot lately since it is frustrating for both of us. Honestly, I don't think she really cares if we ever have intercourse again. She is satisfied with the foreplay activities that sometimes go on for 1-2 hours. I do enjoy them as well, but would still like to be able to have intercourse as it does feel like something is missing. Maybe I'm being selfish since she's not the one complaining :-(


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I don't think either one of you are being selfish. Her problem is real, but so is your frustration. She's lucky she has a caring and patient husband.

Some women experience painful sex their whole lives. My mom was one of those people, and that pain crossed over to the GYN office as well. At her last visit (which her dr. agreed can be her final internal exam ever), my sister had to go with her and she could hear her screaming in pain from the waiting room. 

There was a recent thread about painful sex here; maybe you could find it and have her read it. It is nothing to be ashamed of and there are things that may help, but she has to be willing to talk to a dr. about it .


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

levma said:


> *- Unfortunately, I don't think this is something she would ever discuss with her OB/GYN as she does not feel comfortable. I may try to convince her to a some point, but it will be a tough sell :-(*
> 
> To be fair, we haven't really tried a lot lately since it is frustrating for both of us. Honestly, *I don't think she really cares if we ever have intercourse again*. She is satisfied with the foreplay activities that sometimes go on for 1-2 hours. I do enjoy them as well, but would still like to be able to have intercourse as it does feel like something is missing. *Maybe I'm being selfish since she's not the one complaining* :-(


First, yes sell and sell hard to hve her talk to her OB/GYN, especially the dialator perscripton and estrogen level checks.

You are not being selfish. You are trying to protect your marriage and the marriage that is critical to your child's happiness. A sexless marriage or one where there is huge sexual frustration is far more likely to end in divorce than a marriage where both partners freelly share love and sexual love for one another. If she doesn't ever care about having sexual intercourse with you then she really isn't committed to a full marriage with you. Get some marriage counseling from a sex therapist, but first have a long talk with her and then get her to see her OB/GYN.

Good luck.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Could she be confusing lubrication levels with size? Try Astroglide or something similar.


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## levma (Apr 7, 2015)

I would say that I might be able to do without the sexual intercourse if my wife showed a bit more willingness to pleasure me in other ways. As it stands right now, I will pleasure her for a long time (which I really do enjoy), but then I rarely get anything in return. I might get finished with a hand, if I'm lucky. I just feel if we were able to have intercourse, our intimacy would feel more complete and satisfying.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

Sex changed a lot after becoming a mom especially when the kids were younger i. e. 0-5 years of age. Having little people grabbing on me requiring my constant attention so that at night the last thing I wanted was to be touched by my husband. I wanted peace because I was the one taking care of the kids, working and the house. On the occasion that I wanted to be physical with my husband found it hard to switch from"mommy" to "sex" kitten and by the time it got good a child would be crying causing me to lose my desire and lubrication so at that time I avoided sex by placing the kids between us. I also had post partum depression,  so encourage her to talk with her doctor and encourage her to take time for herself without the kids and be willing to assist with household duties and encourage her to do these things for herself without feeling guilty that she is abandoning her kids to do things for herself. So, if it wasn't too big in the beginning of your relationship, she might be avoiding intimacy for different reasons. Just a thought, I hope it helps.


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