# Cheating Husband!



## Dixie_girl3 (2 mo ago)

I can’t even believe I’m posting this publicly. I’m so torn and hurt that I don’t even know if I can get my words out or across. Over the weekend my husband of 8 years was out of town on a legitimate work trip. I DO know it was a real trip & two of his co workers went with him at a shared hotel. (All men) 

Well, I was home alone so I just decided to take that time and do a de clutter on our home. As I’m cleaning I saw his old phone. It was no secret where he put the phone after he got his new one. My goal wasn’t to plunder thru his phone, but to just look at his pictures. As I’m strolling I found nudes of 3 women. 1 being an escort. 1 being someone local that I know and the other some one he met thru work.

These pictures date back months-year ago. I called him and asked him what the hell? He immediately admitted he has talked with them but it was nothing more than him asking them for nudes. That they didn’t go about meeting up or not even so much of really sexting. After I got off the phone with him and I literally cried my eyes out. I reached out to the women to ask for their side of the story. Out of the 3, 1 responded. Her story completely vouched with his and it was no more than her just sending him pics and they never had sex. In fact, they only saw each other once while at work but she’s originally from GA. The second 1 is an escort so asking her for any information was a complete waste. The third one that I actually freaking know read my message but wouldn’t even respond back.

He has literally cried his eyes out. States he has no clue why he did it. That he has so many things balled up inside him and so much hate and bitterness from all the stuff we’ve been thru in the last 2 years. (We’ve lost 2 children/miscarriages, his dad) I told him I think that was just a sorry ass excuse. And that he wasn’t sorry. He was just sorry he got caught. He swears he didn’t do anything sexually with them. But I’m just having a hard time believing that’s true. I love him with my whole heart but I don’t want to look stupid. I already feel stupid! The one girl was on my damn fb and all the “I love you” post I had posted about him and the fact she liked/loved them knowing that was going on just doesn’t sit right with me. I’m just so so hurt.

Any advice? How do I trust him again? Should I trust him again? I just want to know the truth and I don’t know if he’s telling me all of it. He seemed sincere when we talked and he apologized but I know guys can put on that front and just go back to their same ways and tell us what we want to hear at that time and then it’s back to it again.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Clearly you shouldn't trust him now. Whether or not you can trust him about 5 years from now is up to him and his actions.

He sounds like a serial type cheater, and you should consider what you found to be the tip of an iceberg until proven otherwise. Probably just the few things he forgot to delete or the ones he didn't use his burner phone for.

I would ask him to write a detailed and specific timeline of all events involving other women.

After he gives it to you, tell him he will be taking a polygraph test about it.

You'll then realize that you are getting more lies and he is simply trying to admit to what you already know.

Good luck... you didn't deserve this.... but remember you can't forgive what you don't know... and currently there is a lot you don't know.

ETA: Does the women you are fb friends with have a husband?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Of course you should trust him(insert eye roll) He has screwed you over on three different occasions and once was with a hooker. If you think he hasn’t had sex with at least with one of them I’d think you are crazy.


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## Dixie_girl3 (2 mo ago)

re16 said:


> Clearly you shouldn't trust him now. Whether or not you can trust him about 5 years from now is up to him and his actions.
> 
> He sounds like a serial type cheater, and you should consider what you found to be the tip of an iceberg until proven otherwise. Probably just the few things he forgot to delete or the ones he didn't use his burner phone for.
> 
> ...


Oh no, he definitely doesn’t have a burner phone. That phone was legitimately messing up. People would call/text and it wouldn’t go off. With his work, missing calls/text will land him with no job. I personally witnessed it myself. So that’s why we had to get him a new phone.

I deleted her off my Facebook as soon as I found out. And no. She’s not married. In fact he dropped to an ultimate low with her. She literally lives off the government. I think it was just a easy target in getting a fix.

He has been willingly talking to me since Saturday about all of it. Any questions I’ve asked, he’s answered. He states he feels something is wrong with him. He desperately asked for help. And that he doesn’t know why he had urges to get pictures from them. He even stated that he knew they would be easy to just get pictures from and he just wanted to see the real thing and not porn - because I asked him if he wanted to see other nude women - why not just look/watch porn - not that I want him to/ but damn, atleast with that I know he would’ve never been ableto have the opportunity to meet up with them.


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## Dixie_girl3 (2 mo ago)

Mr.Married said:


> Of course you should trust him(insert eye roll) He has screwed you over on three different occasions and once was with a hooker. If you think he hasn’t had sex with at least with one of them I’d think you are crazy.


please re-read what I wrote I said trust him AGAIN. Do I trust him now? Hell no!Could he earn it back - sure. Im sorry but I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater/ because I was once in the situation myself many years ago.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> please re-read what I wrote I said trust him AGAIN. Do I trust him now? Hell no!Could he earn it back - sure. Im sorry but I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater/ because I was once in the situation myself many years ago.


Three different times on his phone. That’s called a serial cheat. That is only the ones you have proof of.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. 

I think you’ll have to decide if you can trust him again. It’s way too soon to see if your husband is truly remorseful; right now, he’s in damage control mode and doesn’t want to go through a divorce and a massive upheaval to his lifestyle. Not that he isn’t sorry, he may be. But, you’ll just have to decide if you want to go through all you will go through, in order to trust him again. Reconciliation is a tough process, and I don’t have it in me. If my husband did all of this, I really think I’d just leave. But, you may have it in you to reconcile. Everyone is different.

Reconciliation is more than just the betrayed forgiving the cheater. It changes the betrayed person, makes them on edge more, and less trusting that they once were. Is reconciling worth that? You’ll have to think on if you see yourself having a quality marriage after all of this.

Edit to add- I tend to see these scenarios as dealbreakers because in essence, your husband doesn’t like being married 24/7. He likes it…sometimes. But not all the time. A marriage won’t work if one spouse is 100% committed and the other is pretending to be single part of the time. That’s why it’s a dealbreaker to me, because serial cheating tells me that this is a guy who doesn’t really want to be married, all the time. But that’s marriage. You don’t get to date and sext others, if you’ve agreed to a monogamous marriage.

If he is that unhappy, he should communicate that. He could have done a million other things than turn to other women. So, it’s not just a few mistakes in judgement - to me, it seems like he really doesn’t want to be married 24/7.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> Im sorry but I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater/ because I was once in the situation myself many years ago.


With your husband or someone else?


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## Dixie_girl3 (2 mo ago)

re16 said:


> With your husband or someone else?


With someone else. I’ve never cheated nor thought about it in any of my relationships aside from that one. It was just a toxic relationship.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

what do you want us to tell you ?
We don't know why he did it and the reason he is giving you is making him sound more like a sex creep than a husband ,
why he would ask and why they would give , sounds strange to me that the escort would give a nude they are used to getting paid for anything , 
as SOMEONE THAT HAS INTREST IN PHOTO , sometimes models will send a nude in exchange for something I know of some models that ask for men to buy things for them on amazon list and some sell books of photos for anything from 5 to 300 or more there could be anything from 100 photos to 1000 photos of her ,

he knows why he did it
he just does not want to say why i think


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> Oh no, he definitely doesn’t have a burner phone. That phone was legitimately messing up. People would call/text and it wouldn’t go off. With his work, missing calls/text will land him with no job. I personally witnessed it myself. So that’s why we had to get him a new phone.


I wasn't suggesting his old phone one was a burner.... I'm suggesting that he could very well have another one that you don't know about....

Have you searched his car / your house etc thoroughly for one?


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## Dixie_girl3 (2 mo ago)

re16 said:


> I wasn't suggesting his old phone one was a burner.... I'm suggesting that he could very well have another one that you don't know about....
> 
> Have you searched his car / your house etc thoroughly for one?


No, I haven’t. But honestly I doubt he does. I mean I know it’s possible but he’s not tech savvy AT ALL so for him to setup a whole new phone would surprise the hell out of me.
But I’ll look. I don’t think he would’ve had that on his phone. If there was another phone involved. But who really know anymore. I’m just so hurt an confused about all of it.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> Any advice? How do I trust him again? Should I trust him again? I just want to know the truth and I don’t know if he’s telling me all of it.


As others have said, it's highly unlikely that you're getting the full story.
In the vast majority (100% ? ) of stories here on TAM the betrayed spouse doesn't have the full story the first time.

Reset your thinking, get it in your head right now that he is not trustworthy. You are in for more revelations (trickle truths).

Having nude pictures of women would be one thing if those women were inaccessible. But these women were accessible. Excluding the hooker he didn't just pick up the phone and ask for a nude. There is a whole process to go through if you want a woman to send nudes. And if they go that far? They will meet for a hookup.

Sorry @Dixie_girl3 but you're just touching the tip of this iceberg.

Keep posting here, there are a LOT of betrayed people here and a vast amount of experience.

Take what is useful to you but listen to all.

I hope the best for you.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> He swears he didn’t do anything sexually with them.


Um, what?
I think the fact that he has naked photos of them makes it sexual. Sending naked pics is usually for sexual purposes.

Also, quite possibly he sent naked photos of himself.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

He has “no clue” why he did it?

YEAH FREAKING RIGHT!!


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## Dixie_girl3 (2 mo ago)

BoSlander said:


> He has “no clue” why he did it?
> 
> YEAH FREAKING RIGHT!!


I stated the same thing to him. Like man there was a reason!! U don’t just do that for no reason other than try to get sex.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> I stated the same thing to him. Like man there was a reason!! U don’t just do that for no reason other than try to get sex.


And that dear ….. is the only reason!!!!!


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## Dixie_girl3 (2 mo ago)

frenchpaddy said:


> what do you want us to tell you ?
> We don't know why he did it and the reason he is giving you is making him sound more like a sex creep than a husband ,
> why he would ask and why they would give , sounds strange to me that the escort would give a nude they are used to getting paid for anything ,
> as SOMEONE THAT HAS INTREST IN PHOTO , sometimes models will send a nude in exchange for something I know of some models that ask for men to buy things for them on amazon list and some sell books of photos for anything from 5 to 300 or more there could be anything from 100 photos to 1000 photos of her ,
> ...


I don’t know if I’m really asking for anything from any of you. Really just venting/ like I feel like I can’t even talk to my best friend about this. It embarrassing. I’m just hurt and just want to scream.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Unfortunately you reacted so quickly he now has had time to start covering his tracks. It would have been a big plus if he handed you his new phone for you to search, but too late now. You should certainly search where you can, home computer, tablet, even look thru his personal space like car or garage. Check credit card statements, especially around the same times he was getting nudes. You may find unusual charges that indicate meetups with his women.

Sadly even if nothing turns up the trust is broken, he behaved very badly. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he did it with three different women that you know of. That is a pattern of of both intent and deception, it's hard to get past that level of betrayal.

Personally I tried for ten years to forgive my then wife for her indescritions, all that got me was ten wasted years. Good luck to you.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> I don’t know if I’m really asking for anything from any of you. Really just venting/ like I feel like I can’t even talk to my best friend about this. It embarrassing. I’m just hurt and just want to scream.


That's why we're here. You're among friends, the betrayed of the world.
Vent, rant, and scream all you want. No one here will blame you. We've all been there.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

*Dixie_girl3*

adding my $0.02

go here and read - lots of pointers on what to busy yourself 









Standard Evidence Post


VARs and Evidence Gathering The usual disclaimer of reverse the sexes if necessary, we get mostly betrayed husbands here. Do your legal research etc. Your wife is acting funny. Her phone and email suddenly have passwords you don't know. She shuts down phone apps or changes windows on the...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com





Know that you are in for a carnival ride - the roller coaster as it's called. Your thoughts are going to 
oscillate from good (well, not painful) to bad - painful or ?? 
Time is your friend - you have to apply youself to the task of verifying your husbands story. The earlier post regarding a written time line followed up with a polygraph is a very good tool to invoke.
Whether or not a polygraph is "valid" is not my point - the act of having to do one often elicits disclosure of more info not proffered willingly. aka "the Parking Lot Confession"

Get your phone records from your provider and see what he has been doing with his phone.
Check his phone for "apps" that are messenger apps or even secret - for example - there are apps that masquerade as something like a calculator or a picture - and have a "trigger" to open to a not-so-obvious messenger.

Ever watch many shows featuring a detective and their investigation methods? the "timeline" is always 
part of their job. So - can you account for your husbands whereabouts and activities? Has there been times he could have indulged in some nefarious shenanigans? 

What kind of friends does he have? Do you know what their morals are with respect to fidelity? 
Some folks will step over into the dark side given just a little support from their friends. Such friends are termed "not friends of the marriage." The need to go if they exist.

Be sure to get all your banking and other credit expenditure records. Consider that one can build up a "kitty" of cash by getting $5 or ?? cash when checking out a cart of groceries or ?? and the Dollar Store.
I don't know how much an ESCORT costs but I suspect a couple hundred $$ for openers. 

Look through his clothes and car/truck for receipts that may indicate something purchased or paid for that is "off" with regards to normal.

Car mileage? Example - work is 50 miles round trip - 55 with a side trip to a shopping mall/grocery or ??
But do you know for sure the five miles extra with just that? Consider a GPS on the vehicle.

Do you have passwords/logins for EVERYTHING he owns or uses? Install something like "Life360" on phones and turn on location service on phones and he is NEVER to turn off either! Then - if android phone - look into Google - his account will have his location history. Others here can suggest how to use Applie phones to investigate. Check the browser history. Tidbit: when you start typing on the URL space, browsers willl start "autofill" and you can find some "interesting" info with that little bit of effort. (Hoping for you that you don't find any horrors)

Watch and see what he does ON HIS OWN to start fixing his lack of integrity. Buy a few books? Read/watch things on his PC? And I would hope he is investigating the option of some Individual Counseling with a specialist in infidelity. 

As a general rule - you can tell if a cheater is lying very easy - their lips are moving! To be sure - some cheaters lie less that others and it is a RARE cheater that comes clean when challenged. In your situation - I lean towards the "RARE" but beware - don't get "sucked in." as the Gipper said - "Trust but Verify."

I hope you have uncovered all there is but be preparing yourself for more things to be discovered.
Trust has been broken and it will (very likely) never come back 100%. Given he appears to have made no effort to hide his inappropriate activities - you may have caught his issue in time to ward off a worse happening later in your marriage - but now that you have suffered - you will be forever more vigilant. It's a gift that keeps on giving as long as you live.

Please take advantage of the group knowledge all the members of TAM have acquired and post your questions and/or ask for suggestions on how to move forward with your marriage. 

Or just as a "sanity check!"

Hate to mentions this but - if you suspect he has been wick dipping - you should see your physician for a checkup - specifically STDs. Even if he has "only kissed" - crap can be shared given the exchange of body fluids. (sorry to be graphic - but women have a LOT more to lose with some STDs.)


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> please re-read what I wrote I said trust him AGAIN. Do I trust him now? Hell no!Could he earn it back - sure. Im sorry but I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater/ because I was once in the situation myself many years ago.


The answer to that is you’ll likely never trust him 100% again now that you know what he did. And you shouldn’t. I can tell you from experience that it’s a big mistake to ever assume there’s not at least a possibility he’ll cheat again. The truth is that you don’t know and maybe he doesn’t even know. My husband swore it would never happen again but it did. Maybe he even meant it at the time but it still did. Be cautious going forward. I wasn’t.

PS
You never know for certain if you’re getting the entire truth. Cheaters lie and minimize and deflect. Regret is not the same as remorse. He doesn’t want a divorce (cheaters rarely do) but you have to determine whether he wants that enough never to cheat again. That’s a tough thing to determine. I guessed wrong. I hope you don’t.


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## Dixie_girl3 (2 mo ago)

Cooper said:


> Unfortunately you reacted so quickly he now has had time to start covering his tracks. It would have been a big plus if he handed you his new phone for you to search, but too late now. You should certainly search where you can, home computer, tablet, even look thru his personal space like car or garage. Check credit card statements, especially around the same times he was getting nudes. You may find unusual charges that indicate meetups with his women.
> 
> Sadly even if nothing turns up the trust is broken, he behaved very badly. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he did it with three different women that you know of. That is a pattern of of both intent and deception, it's hard to get past that level of betrayal.
> 
> Personally I tried for ten years to forgive my then wife for her indescritions, all that got me was ten wasted years. Good luck to you.


I even told him if Im not making him happy anymore than I will just leave on good terms. That he could have all the women he wanted. I just wanted no part in it. And he’s like no, I don’t want that/ I want you / I love you. But I’m screaming your actions show differently. There no sense in wasting anyones time if your whole heart isn’t in it for that one person. And it’s a sad world that we live in that so many good people get hurt.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> I even told him if Im not making him happy anymore than I will just leave on good terms. That he could have all the women he wanted. I just wanted no part in it. And he’s like no, I don’t want that/ I want you / I love you. But I’m screaming your actions show differently. There no sense in wasting anyones time if your whole heart isn’t in it for that one person. And it’s a sad world that we live in that so many good people get hurt.


You have to watch out for him "love bombing" you. 
That's a distraction to pull you back in line so his activities can continue.
Of course he will be more careful next time.

I'm not trying to convince you what your husband has or has not done.
That's for you to decide after looking at your situation and evidence more objectively.
But if he's like the rest of the wayward spouses in the world, he is in a massive cover-up and blowing smoke up your butt mode now.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> I even told him if Im not making him happy anymore than I will just leave on good terms. That he could have all the women he wanted. I just wanted no part in it. And he’s like no, I don’t want that/ I want you / I love you. But I’m screaming your actions show differently. There no sense in wasting anyones time if your whole heart isn’t in it for that one person. And it’s a sad world that we live in that so many good people get hurt.


He wants you _and_ attention from other women. Most married cheaters don’t leave their marriages or even want to, because they want the comforts of marriage, but they also like pretending to be single.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> No, I haven’t. But honestly I doubt he does. I mean I know it’s possible but he’s not tech savvy AT ALL so for him to setup a whole new phone would surprise the hell out of me.
> But I’ll look. I don’t think he would’ve had that on his phone. If there was another phone involved. But who really know anymore. I’m just so hurt an confused about all of it.


Thanks to human nature, most cheaters follow basically the same script. Many of us have seen it play out hundreds of times on TAM. Allow a space in your mind to start thinking what we are saying is possible and only after you fully investigated this should you begin to even think about believing his story.

There is a 99.99% possibility that he hasn't told you the full truth. His answers about not knowing why he was contacting an escort etc... no way...


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> No, I haven’t. But honestly I doubt he does. I mean I know it’s possible but he’s not tech savvy AT ALL so for him to setup a whole new phone would surprise the hell out of me.
> But I’ll look. I don’t think he would’ve had that on his phone. If there was another phone involved. But who really know anymore. I’m just so hurt an confused about all of it.


Have you had a look through his new phone? Checking for things that were deleted? Can you see who he has been texting or messaging? I hate to say it, but the odds that he didn't do anything physically with a woman near by that sent him a nude photo is slim to none. Same with the stripper. You know at the very least he has masturbated to their nude photos. 

You will never be able to trust him again, nor should you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

As has been said, ask him to write down all the details and then say that you are going to book a lie detector test. 
Say that if the test shows he has lied, the marriage is over. You may well get the truth before the actual test but it's unlikely it was just asking for those 3 photos, even though that is bad enough. 
Sadly, its likely it was more but it's doubtful he will tell you unless he has to. Thats why you need to book that test.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> I don’t know if I’m really asking for anything from any of you. Really just venting/ like I feel like I can’t even talk to my best friend about this. It embarrassing. I’m just hurt and just want to scream.


THAT IS the thing about been here
often just reading your own post can bee all you need to see the wrongs
All so no one knows who you are so post in knowing that even if the ***** you hate most is reading she has no idea it is you


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

This marriage is unfortunately over.

No matter what,
You'll never trust him again.

You'll always be on edge and extremely paranoid. You'll always think about it. 

You'll always worry. It will always be on every part of your mind as you and him maneuver daily life. 

As he is in your presence but away from you, when he's on his phone in front of you, when he's in the bathroom, when he's someplace that you're not in the house, when he's outside away from you, etc...


You'll start snooping more, and he'll "perfect" covering his tracks.



You'll never get the full truth or know it.

Chances are, it is highly likely that he's been cheating on you the entire relationship or most of it. Consistently or in spurts.

(Whether you've always been aware or had your suspicions only you know that truth).


It is highly likely that he may have cheated when he allegedly was on this "work" trip.

It's likely that he has another phone, email accounts, social media accounts that you don't know about, and it may be from a phone, computer, tablet, other at work or someplace else you don't know about.


You'll always be stressed, worried, and paranoid.

You can't and won't ever trust him again.

You can't even trust the words of these affair counterparts.



I wouldn't put myself through this any longer.

I would end things. 

He's not going to stop.
If he does, it won't be for long.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> I stated the same thing to him. Like man there was a reason!! U don’t just do that for no reason other than try to get sex.


By the by Dixie_girl3, I was going to say that, since his story checked out with 1/3 of the girls, to give him a pass BUT then I re-read your comment and that one girl ghosting your FB account + her taking the liberty to like/love some of the comments/pictures is a red flag. That is behavior that denotes a level of closeness and intimacy that goes beyond merely exchanging pictures and/or texts.

From now on, shut it and keep your ears open. VAR in the car and and key log your computer’s keyboard.

Don’t ask me how or why but… I have a good feeling about your predicament. All in all, from a guy’s perspective, the way he reacted to you finding out isn’t in line with how cheating filth react.

Good luck.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> *He has literally cried his eyes out.* States he has no clue why he did it. That he has so many things balled up inside him and so much hate and bitterness from all the stuff we’ve been thru in the last 2 years. (We’ve lost 2 children/miscarriages, his dad) I told him I think that was just a sorry ass excuse. And that he wasn’t sorry. He was just sorry he got caught. He swears he didn’t do anything sexually with them. But I’m just having a hard time believing that’s true. I love him with my whole heart but I don’t want to look stupid. I already feel stupid! The one girl was on my damn fb and all the “I love you” post I had posted about him and the fact she liked/loved them knowing that was going on just doesn’t sit right with me. I’m just so so hurt.


Oh diddy boo boos, he cwied wike a widdle baby. Barf.

You're absolutely right OP there is NO excuse for what he did. None.



Mr.Married said:


> Three different times on his phone. That’s called a serial cheat. That is only the ones you have proof of.


Yep. For every rat you see there's 50 you don't.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Quoted from BoSlander :

" Don’t ask me how or why but… I have a good feeling about your predicament. All in all, from a guy’s perspective, the way he reacted to you finding out isn’t in line with how cheating filth react. "

I actually agree with this assessment ...

Unfortunately, many here on TAM many will give advice that is the worst possible senerio. 

This is because they are projecting thier own hurt and experiences. Things you should hear but definitely Not written in stone .

The only proof you have of anything is nude photos on his phone ... obviously, he has made some poor choices and further investigation is warranted.

This idea that your life is over ( I cringe when I read some of theses replies ) is complete Bullsh!t. 

Take what you need from TAM. Ìt doesn't mean he's done all of these horrible things that many here have posted. 

If anything, you now have the tools 🔧 to really think about things and have that informed conversation with your husband. 

Good luck , Jimi


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> I can’t even believe I’m posting this publicly. I’m so torn and hurt that I don’t even know if I can get my words out or across. Over the weekend my husband of 8 years was out of town on a legitimate work trip. I DO know it was a real trip & two of his co workers went with him at a shared hotel. (All men)
> 
> Well, I was home alone so I just decided to take that time and do a de clutter on our home. As I’m cleaning I saw his old phone. It was no secret where he put the phone after he got his new one. My goal wasn’t to plunder thru his phone, but to just look at his pictures. As I’m strolling I found nudes of 3 women. 1 being an escort. 1 being someone local that I know and the other some one he met thru work.
> 
> ...


Sorry but no, your husband cannot be trusted.
There must be more to this if these women are sending your husband nude images of themselves.
I hope you grabbed those photos as evidence?
I suggest as regards woman no 1 and 3 is to find out if they are married and if so, send their husbands copies of their wife`s nude photos and explain from where you obtained them.
The worse that can happen is your husband threatens to divorce and doubt that would be a great loss.
Take action rather than wondering, if, but or maybe. Let your husband see you are no pushover and won`t tolerate this crap without consequences even for your own self esteem and let him realise your demand respect as his wife.
People get treated how they allow themselves to be treated.
Think about it.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Jimi007 said:


> Quoted from BoSlander :
> 
> " Don’t ask me how or why but… I have a good feeling about your predicament. All in all, from a guy’s perspective, the way he reacted to you finding out isn’t in line with how cheating filth react. "
> 
> ...


I 100 % go with this 

all so it takes 2 to make a marriage some times it takes just one to brake it but what can be helpfully is having a truthful look into the marriage and where it is going and where it has been , 

my wife used to hate paper work she would do all the heavy lifting hard work if she did not have to sit through long meetings filling out paper and in france we love paper , it seems there is a friend of a minister that has a factory making paper, it got to the point I was filling out every thing for her and responding for her ( talking for her and she was been left out ) and I saw she was becoming more left out so I started to stop , when a meeting was programmed I made it a point that I was not around and it made both the people that liked it when I made their job easy and it gave her back her self respect to do the things and to show her she could do it , 

if the husband is willing to fix this he has to be open if the op is willing she has to help him to be open


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> ,,,,,my *husband of 8 years* was out of town on a legitimate work trip. ........ to just look at his pictures. As I’m strolling I found *nudes of 3 women. 1 being an escort. 1 being someone local that I know and the other some one he met thru work.*
> 
> .....asked him what the hell? He immediately admitted he has talked with them but it was nothing more than him asking them for nudes........
> 
> ...





Dixie_girl3 said:


> .......He has been willingly *talking to me since Saturday about all of it. Any questions I’ve asked, he’s answered. He states he feels something is wrong with him. He desperately asked for help.* And that *he doesn’t know why he had urges to get pictures from them*. He even stated that he knew they would be easy to just get pictures from and he just wanted to see the real thing and not porn - because I asked him if he wanted to see other nude women - why not just look/watch porn - not that I want him to/ but damn, atleast with that I know he would’ve never been ableto have the opportunity to meet up with them.





Dixie_girl3 said:


> *I don’t know if I’m really asking for anything from any of you*. Really *just venting*/ like I feel like I can’t even talk to my best friend about this. It embarrassing. I’m just hurt and just want to scream.





Dixie_girl3 said:


> I even told him if Im not making him happy anymore than I will just leave on good terms. That he could have all the women he wanted. I just wanted no part in it. And he’s like no, I don’t want that/ I want you / I love you. B*ut I’m screaming your actions show differently.* There no sense in wasting anyones time *if your whole heart isn’t in it for that one person.* And it’s a sad world that we live in that so many good people get hurt.


Vent away. 

I think that you posted the critical issues, now you just need to think about them and how your really feel. You are absolutely correct in that his actions are what you need to focus on.

If you do decide to part friends, tell him to get some counseling to find out why he did what he did and to gain control over his actions.

Oh, and just in case, even though it has been a while, get tested for STD's and tell him to get tested. Even if it was just a kiss (wink wink), you can't be too careful.

Good luck, figure out what you want. You owe him nothing.


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## TheSkyIsBlue (3 mo ago)

Jimi007 said:


> Quoted from BoSlander :
> 
> " Don’t ask me how or why but… I have a good feeling about your predicament. All in all, from a guy’s perspective, the way he reacted to you finding out isn’t in line with how cheating filth react. "
> 
> ...


I couldn't have said it better myself!


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Past behavior normally predicts future behavior so be very aware that there is more than likely more to his history with other women than he will ever tell you. He is going to give you as little information, and in fact may not even be truthful with his replies, just to get you to stop asking about it. He very likely will now try to make things up to you some how and you will take this as his true love for you but in reality he has to keep you where you are. With time he will go back to his habits, you will catch him again and then you start they whole ride all over again. 

Can you trust him again? Probably not and I don't think you should.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Dixie_girl3 said:


> Oh no, he definitely doesn’t have a burner phone. That phone was legitimately messing up. People would call/text and it wouldn’t go off. With his work, missing calls/text will land him with no job. I personally witnessed it myself. So that’s why we had to get him a new phone.
> 
> I deleted her off my Facebook as soon as I found out. And no. She’s not married. In fact he dropped to an ultimate low with her. She literally lives off the government. I think it was just a easy target in getting a fix.
> 
> He has been willingly talking to me since Saturday about all of it. Any questions I’ve asked, he’s answered. He states he feels something is wrong with him. He desperately asked for help. And that he doesn’t know why he had urges to get pictures from them. He even stated that he knew they would be easy to just get pictures from and he just wanted to see the real thing and not porn - because I asked him if he wanted to see other nude women - why not just look/watch porn - not that I want him to/ but damn, atleast with that I know he would’ve never been ableto have the opportunity to meet up with them.


something IS wrong with HIM! And IF HE isn’t willing to find out why he cheated and how to fix that part of HIM that is broken - he will cheat again!

what is HE doing to fix the broken part of him?

he doesn’t respect you. What’s he going to do about that? Or what are you going to do if he doesn’t understand how to respect you AND the marriage?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

@Dixie_girl3 How are you doing? How did the confrontation go?


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