# treats me like his child :(



## gallimorefamily10 (Nov 6, 2012)

Ok I worked my butt off today with laundry, floors, dishes, a 6 month old, a 4 year old, my online business, and my friend came over and helped with some chores, well my husband comes home and notices I have the Christmas Decorations out, and the tree up, well he goes to get a spoon and says "who done dishes" I said me and "sally" (name changed) both done them, he shows me a spoon that has WATER SPOTS ON IT... not food or anything like that just some water spots... starts fussing snd complaining and has the nerve to "mumble" Ill just do it myself next time... i was like WHAT??? he said Im just gonna have to do it myself then I get all deffensive and was like YOU NEVER APPRECIATE A D*** THING I DO!! I did dishes, laundry and took care of your kids today and you ALWAYS find something to complain about its NEVER good enough.... he then says I act like a 16 year old and need to quit complaining... i then yell I am your WIFE not your child.. treat me like it!!!!! now we arent speaking  what the heck... i feel as if he ALWAYS treats me like my parents did 10 years ago... now how do we fix this because we have talked a gazillion times and he hasnt changed at all.... tia!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Play the same game back, he wants to belittle you, belittle him back for being an unappreciative spoiled little boy. But I dunno, I'm a bloke... but if my wife did that it would give me a taste of my own medicine so I can understand her point of view more.


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## Pinkme (Oct 15, 2012)

I wish I had some great advice for you but I would not put up with that Cr*p for nothing. If he doesnt like the way you do it then leave it for him.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

oh sh*t that sounds EXACTLY like my exhusband.I have no advice for you because I was never able to fix this issue in my marriage to him.It was awful and I hated it.It got so bad that I developed stress related health issues.Get thee to counseling ASAP and I'm wishing you a sincere good luck on this.I hope it gets better.


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## TheEruditeOne (Nov 12, 2012)

Is your husband older than you? Did he rescue you from something? How long has he been treating you like this? Did he display this aggression in front of your friend or after she left?

TEO


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. That would not fly with me. Stop doing shet.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I would never put up with that or even treat anyone that bad. Your husband sounds extremely controlling. 

Heck, I wash the dishes before they hit the dishwasher. If I miss something or the kids put food stuck on the dishes and it comes out dirty, we just rewash it without a fuss. 

You sure have your hands full!


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Man oh man, you are not appreciated. I have 3 kids under 13, an online business too, do laundry, clean, cook, juggle kids schedule after school. Right now, at 11pm, my sink is filled with dirty dishes and I aint doing them but I'm not getting lip from my husband. He knows I'm running around all day unsuccessfully trying to get it all done and he appreciates it all. 

I don't think the issue is that he's treating you like a child, because even a child would not be treated that way. He's treating you like an employee. Is he that anal with everything? Does he treat people at work that way? Does he berate his underlings (if he has any) if the job is done 99.999% well? What an ego he has! Did he always treat you like this?

You have to figure out how to change your behavior, since you've talked and he's not changing. A long time ago, I read the book, The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Lerner. The basic premise is that you can't change other people, you can only change yourself. Since you and your husband are in a dance (the same pattern of arguing and behavior over and over), once YOU change the dance step (learn how to respond more assertively, confidently, differently, more positively for you) the dance will have no choice but to change, because you changed it. 

Don't put up with this BS.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I don't know what to say other than I am appalled when one spouse disrespects the other. I would probably not talk to him. It's tough to understand why people act like idiots.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

OP's not back, but for future readers...if your husband complains that you didn't wash dishes well enough, and 'threatens' to do them himself the next time, here's what you do:

Smile, hug him, hand him the towel, and say 'THANKS, hun!' and walk away.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

turnera said:


> OP's not back, but for future readers...if your husband complains that you didn't wash dishes well enough, and 'threatens' to do them himself the next time, here's what you do:
> 
> Smile, hug him, hand him the towel, and say 'THANKS, hun!' and walk away.


 LOL.. love it!:iagree:

However... Mine will never do them. He says passive aggressive crap like that "I'll do it myself next time.. If I want it done right, I guess I have to do it myself".. "oh forget it, if you don't want to eat on clean dishes...." Just to make me feel guilty, so that I do it the way he wants next time.


Hell.. I'd love it if he treated me like a child. Paid for all my stuff... loved me unconditionally... made sure I wasn't alone...


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

yep I think if mine said 'I'll do it myself next time' I think I would just say joyfully 'yay break for me' kiss him on the cheek and skip merrily out of the kitchen.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

abitlost said:


> yep I think if mine said 'I'll do it myself next time' I think I would just say joyfully 'yay break for me' kiss him on the cheek and skip merrily out of the kitchen.


Yep this is what you do.

When I was married to my son's father... he used to complain about my cooking (only person who has ever done so). If the mean had a sauce he's go on about how sauce makes a meal all gooey and blah blah blah. If it did not have a sause (like steak w/o gravey) he'd go on about how the meal is dry and needs gravey. This was of course all said in very angry tones.

Then he started to do this complaining and threw his dish across the table at me a couple of times. So I told him that since I cannot cook a meal he likes I'll never cook for him again.

It was 5 years (yep 5 years) before I cooked another meal for him. He never complained about my cooking and ever complimented any meal I cooked.

You have power here and need to use it. You don't need to be mean, nastry, etc to use it.


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