# How much should love cost you?



## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

How much should love cost you?

When it comes to love, most people are willing to sacrifice a lot to obtain it. Some will give up friends for the sake of their relationships. Others are willing to cut family members out of their lives. Some even give up a part of their identity to obtain love, but what about financial sacrifices? Is there a certain amount of financial gain you are willing to give up for love?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Love shouldn't cost your more than it s healthy for you to bear either emotionally or financially.

This boundary will be different for everyone but crossing it will always bring more pain than you can easily deal with.

I have given up more than one dream job that would have put me at the apex of my career potential because of love.
An apex that the vast majority in my field would have given blood or limbs just for the opportunity to try for.

There was no hesitation in my refusal nor is there any regret but there was a bit of sadness directly confronting the fact that I had limited myself to this boundary, that I would never go farther than where I am now.

Was a fair price to pay in my mind.


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Love shouldn't cost your more than it s healthy for you to bear either emotionally or financially.
> 
> Was a fair price to pay in my mind.


Tacoma, I totally agree and am glad your sacrifices were well worth it. I have also passed up a few great professional opportunities for the sake of my family, and don't regret it one bit. Still, like you I realize that everyone has different limits, and am curious to hear what they are.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

It’s an impossible question to answer. No one can predict once in a relationship, job opportunities, if someone gets sick, kids the list goes on and on. 

I am an overachiever in my field. I have more success in my career than I thought I would and I owe it be getting married. I wanted to succeed; I wanted to provide for a family to the best of my abilities. I wouldn’t be here today in the position that I am in had it not been for that. I had other job opportunities that I passed on over the years but there was no guarantee those would have worked had I taken the chance. 

My marriage is in divorce and my success will cost me financially. If you’re worried that much about the financial loss or impact of love then don’t fall in love. Like most things until you are actually faced with the decision for real at that moment in time it’s impossible to answer.


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

honcho said:


> It’s an impossible question to answer. No one can predict once in a relationship, job opportunities, if someone gets sick, kids the list goes on and on.
> 
> I am an overachiever in my field. I have more success in my career than I thought I would and I owe it be getting married. I wanted to succeed; I wanted to provide for a family to the best of my abilities. I wouldn’t be here today in the position that I am in had it not been for that. I had other job opportunities that I passed on over the years but there was no guarantee those would have worked had I taken the chance.
> 
> My marriage is in divorce and my success will cost me financially. If you’re worried that much about the financial loss or impact of love then don’t fall in love. Like most things until you are actually faced with the decision for real at that moment in time it’s impossible to answer.


While I agree that most people don't know how much they would give up for their marriage, some have predetermined limits in their minds. It's the same as saying if my spouse cheats on me I'm leaving. They have set conditions on their marriage before anthing actually happens. How will they react if it really happens, nobody knows, but that doesn't mean people don't have limits in their mind. Heck, just read through some of the reply's to post on this board and you will find people sharing their limits.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I am a big believer in being with a financial equal. When young couples start out it is easier because often they both have little in the way of assets and grow their assets together.

The bigger issue IMHO is later in life and in second marriages. I am a woman that has considerable assets and no emotion in that regard. It is simple for me, the only man I would consider for a LTR or marriage is one that is a financial equal.
I think that later in life if people hook up with a new partner that does not have similar assets they are being foolish.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I got into major debt with my first wife who was on disability and didn't work. I was the bread winner but underemployed. 

Money never meant that much to me, but you have to pay the piper when you get into debt.

I really tried to make it work, and would have stayed with her till her cheating.

As an aside, I was sitting in a bar one day talking to a young guy, told me about his girlfriend that she treated him like crap and he lost about 50 grand on her.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

As to your question though, I've always believed that love is more important than money. Love can make up for the lack of money up to a point (going into debt is beyond that point).

To quote the beatles: "money can't buy me love"


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

jorgegene said:


> As to your question though, I've always believed that love is more important than money. Love can make up for the lack of money up to a point (going into debt is beyond that point).
> 
> To quote the beatles: "money can't buy me love"


As long as you are honest about that from the beginning, what's the problem, right?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

"How much should love cost you?" mrD.E.B.T.

Here's another way to answer the question from my POV.

I'm certainly not rich. Financially struggling a bit, but making it.
Someone offers me a million bucks. That would take care me me the rest of my life without working, easy.

What would I rather have? A million bucks and financial security the rest of my life, or true love and keep struggling?

That's an easy answer. Wouldn't even think about it for two seconds.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

"As long as you are honest about that from the beginning, what's the problem, right?" mrD.E.B.T.

My wife and me did talk about it before married.

I several times offered to write up a pre-nuptial to keep our finances separate so she would never have to suffer for my debts. Told her how up and down my business is. She refused. didn't want any part of it.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

honcho said:


> I have more success in my career than I thought I would and I owe it be getting married..


Thank you Honcho.

You've made me see something I hadn't before.

If I hadn't been married and raising a family I would not have been in the right place at the right time to receive those opportunities I rejected.

If I hadn't been married I may not have been as driven as I was to have earned and keep the position I have in my field.

Thanks


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## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

honcho said:


> I have more success in my career than I thought I would and I owe it be getting married.


Hear my heart all aflutter...:butterfly:


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## Phil Landers (Apr 26, 2014)

$10,423.52


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Phil Landers said:


> $10,423.52


Was that the lawyers bill?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Was that the lawyers bill?


That would be a very cheap Lawyers bill. I have friends that have spent $80k between the two parties during divorce. 
I hate wasting money, lucky ex feels the same so we didn't spend a cent to get divorced other that the required paper work which was a few $100.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Holland said:


> That would be a very cheap Lawyers bill. I have friends that have spent $80k between the two parties during divorce.
> I hate wasting money, lucky ex feels the same so we didn't spend a cent to get divorced other that the required paper work which was a few $100.


I know, that's why I was asking.

Saw a sign in my local pub awhile back...

"Marriage is grand, divorce is 30 grand"


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

How much are you willing to wager?

That will differ for many. Me personally? I already lost everything once. I only have so much left!


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