# So, she calls is depression



## fireguy001 (Jan 23, 2011)

My wife and I have been married 2 and 1/2 years now. She had a very rough childhood. Parents left her and came in and out of her life sparingly. She was raised by her grandparents and her grandmother thought the world revolved around her. She was always in beauty pageants, talent shows, stuff of that nature. More or less to appease her grandmother.

That's the backstory. I married her knowing that she had many issues from the past. Mainly depression and self-esteem issues (she has NONE). She gave me the whole song and dance about how I was her knight in shining armor and how she could work on her problems now that I was in her life. 

She went to therapy last year at my urging. She was getting to the point of being depressed all the time and saying things about how she wasn't pretty and typical low self esteem issues. 
The thing that gets me is she wanted to go to faith-based counselors only. Struck me as kinda wierd but I'm ok with it. After a few sessions she doesn't want to go to him anymore. She wants to go to somebody else. Same thing. Presently, she's been to 4 different ones. 

My thinking is that when they start to get to the root of the problem, she freaks and won't go see them anymore; plus faith-based counselors aren't going to tell you to do anything extreme (divorce, separation, medications, etc). I'm starting to think this whole thing is a front. She thinks that as long as she's going to see someone that's good enough for me. 

Anytime something comes up that she doesn't want to do or could upset her, she starts getting depressed and lays around the house all day. I know she's using her depression as a crutch and I'm starting to think maybe it's all a front. There's no talking to her about it either because when I attempt to bring it up, she starts saying that she's too depressed to talk about anything right now. 

I have told her before that if she didn't go to see someone who could really help her (i.e. a doctor or clinical physcologist) I would separate with her. She started threatening to kill herself. She never tried; just threatened. 

I'm really stuck on what to do now. Tell her to 'man up and get over it' and risk her really trying to hurt herself or have her committed or just separate and see how she deals. I'm really lost!


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

You need to be firm, and set boundaries. Your wife is mentally unstable. You have to be the strong one here and get her help. 

Now if you do leave her, she may well make a suicide attempt. Just to get your attention, and hardly likely to do any real damage. Be ready for the guilt trip and manipulation. You may need some counseling yourself to cope with all of this.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You dont mention if you have kids or if she works. The best way to beat depression is to be occupied.


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