# Kids



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Any women here wanted kids but never had them? How about regret having kids or not having them.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I have three adult children all in their 30's and early 40's. Not for one second have I regretted having them. We planned to have 2 originally but ended up having three, all planned. Of course then come the grandchildren, wow, they are such a blessing and a joy.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Having children was challenging, because it's years of self-denial and thankless (at the time) work.

But what you are doing is creating your very own TRIBE, and it's really the best and most fun thing in the whole wide world!!!! My kids are all in their early 20s now, and they are all still home (thank you, Covid), and we have THE BEST time!!! We watch and discuss movies and shows, we debate current events and politics, I referee arguments between my youngest daughter (who has a fearless attitude) and her two older brothers, we cook things together, we joke and pick on eachother...my favorite thing is to sit back and watch them all interact with eachother, because I think they are THE MOST AWESOME PEOPLE EVER!!! And I look at them and I remember when they were born, and nursing them, and them learning to walk and talk, and all the experiences I've had because of them - all the things that are the actual fabric of LIFE itself...and I am GRATEFUL!!! And I realize that all the self-denial I did for them is really the BEST work I could do in my whole life, and has given me back more than any pension or paycheck ever could!!!!!!

One of my sisters (who will be 50 soon), never had kids. I fully supported her decision, because everyone should do what is right FOR THEM. And for awhile, when my kids were little, it looked like SHE had the way better life than me...Lol!!! 
She was always so dressed up and beautiful at all our family gatherings, she could sit and talk at will, she could get in the car to go somewhere in 5 seconds (it took me about 10 minutes! Lol!), she was never covered in food or juice or mud or snot or puke, etc etc...Lol!!! But now, with her husband and her TONS of money...well, to me, she looks a little sad and lonely. Her and her husband have homes in Boston, New York, and Miami...but how many times can you sit on the beach and drink all alone and enjoy it...or drink in a bar in NY...or Boston...?? And maybe she does, I even HOPE she does!!!! But I can see she is sorry that she doesn't have what I and our other sisters have - our own TRIBE. We can make her part of it sometimes, but it's not really HERS. And when her and her husband get drunk, they WILL talk about the regret they have for not having kids, and blame eachother for it. And it makes me SAD...I encourage them every time that they also made a great choice for them, but that sadness is deep and unfixable now.

And I am GRATEFUL for the choice I made to have kids!!!!


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

When I was young I wanted 4 kids. I had two and I stopped there. One thing is saying you want kids and another is actually having them and caring for them.

Why do you ask?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

No regrets. Have 2, wish it could have been 3.


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## downfall69 (Sep 23, 2012)

I am a father and have full custody of my 2 kids I am 50/50 with my feelings about having kids. 

My older son who is in his young 20's, took me to court because he wanted to be placed in foster care because I wouldn't let him sleep at his GF's house every night when he was in his teens. It was a horrific experience cost thousands of dollars and the lies he told were heart breaking something a parent would never dream that thier own blood would do to them
. Our relationship distroyed for a relationship with a girl that lasted a year and a half.

We haven't spoke in years.

My younger son no problem all is great 

So yeah I'm on the fence.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

As someone who has always wanted to be a Mum but it never happened, I can honestly say that there is an ache in my soul that I will take to my grave with me. I cry all the time thinking about it, and can not quite believe I'm 48 and have no bio children.

I often imagine what my family would look like, had we had our own children, we'd have my stepdaughter (who I raise full time with my husband) and our two children (would have had four but by the time we met we were too old). We tried for years, but it just never happened, and as I approached mid 40's and him almost 50 we decided to call it. It just wasn't in the cards for us, but oh how I wish it was.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I wanted one child and I had one child. No regrets.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

frusdil said:


> As someone who has always wanted to be a Mum but it never happened, I can honestly say that there is an ache in my soul that I will take to my grave with me. I cry all the time thinking about it, and can not quite believe I'm 48 and have no bio children.
> 
> I often imagine what my family would look like, had we had our own children, we'd have my stepdaughter (who I raise full time with my husband) and our two children (would have had four but by the time we met we were too old). We tried for years, but it just never happened, and as I approached mid 40's and him almost 50 we decided to call it. It just wasn't in the cards for us, but oh how I wish it was.


I am so sorry that for you it never happened. A hard thing to come to terms with.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

frusdil said:


> As someone who has always wanted to be a Mum but it never happened, I can honestly say that there is an ache in my soul that I will take to my grave with me. I cry all the time thinking about it, and can not quite believe I'm 48 and have no bio children.
> 
> I often imagine what my family would look like, had we had our own children, we'd have my stepdaughter (who I raise full time with my husband) and our two children (would have had four but by the time we met we were too old). We tried for years, but it just never happened, and as I approached mid 40's and him almost 50 we decided to call it. It just wasn't in the cards for us, but oh how I wish it was.


All I can give is loving-kindness in the shape of a like...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Having that tribe in my head is nice, having the flesh and blood one's, sitting before me is a blessing.

Your children are the only blessing that is *truly* yours....
Edit: Um, a spouse, or a SO, also has a biological share in that blessing.

And, no other's.

Mates, come and maybe go.

Children and grandchildren do not, in truth, have that option.

You live inside them,

There is no escape, for them, nor, for you.

A very wonderful thought, this one! 

Those, not having children, are themselves, children of parents, and, children of some great power.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

May your good deeds and good words be your progeny, akin, and in kind.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> When I was young I wanted 4 kids. I had two and I stopped there. One thing is saying you want kids and another is actually having them and caring for them.
> 
> Why do you ask?


I’m asking because I’m getting up there in age and I don’t have kids but want them. 

My friend and her bf just broke up and she is 37 starting over again and she wants kids and a happy family really bad. She was talking to me about freezing her eggs.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> I’m asking because I’m getting up there in age and I don’t have kids but want them.
> 
> My friend and her bf just broke up and she is 37 starting over again and she wants kids and a happy family really bad. She was talking to me about freezing her eggs.


Freezing eggs is an option. I have a 40 yo friend who just had a baby after a few rounds of IVF treatments. It's been a very hard and long process for her and her husband.

My personal opinion is women don't really need a husband or boyfriend to have a kid. I have a family member who got pregnant while dating, the guy didn't want any kids, they broke up, she had her baby. She was a happy single mom. 

If I were single, and I really wanted a baby I would find a way to have one. I think it's easier for a woman to be single and have a kid vs. a single man wanting a child. 

My opinion might not be popular but that's my point of view.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> Freezing eggs is an option. I have a 40 yo friend who just had a baby after a few rounds of IVF treatments. It's been a very hard and long process for her and her husband.
> 
> My personal opinion is women don't really need a husband or boyfriend to have a kid. I have a family member who got pregnant while dating, the guy didn't want any kids, they broke up, she had her baby. She was a happy single mom.
> 
> ...


I think the "single parent by choice" thing is getting more common. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. There are many different types of families and sometimes it doesn't look the way we thought it would, and that's okay. I don't have a problem with it as long as a woman does it ethically (a sperm donation bank rather than say a ONS).


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

pastasauce79 said:


> Freezing eggs is an option. I have a 40 yo friend who just had a baby after a few rounds of IVF treatments. It's been a very hard and long process for her and her husband.
> 
> My personal opinion is women don't really need a husband or boyfriend to have a kid. I have a family member who got pregnant while dating, the guy didn't want any kids, they broke up, she had her baby. She was a happy single mom.
> 
> ...


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

bobert said:


> I don't have a problem with it as long as a woman does it ethically (a sperm donation bank rather than say a ONS).


I wonder how often a woman chooses a ONS to become pregnant?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> I wonder how often a woman chooses a ONS to become pregnant?


I hope to god it's not often, but I've read about it happening. And of course, everything we read on the internet is true.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pastasauce79 said:


> I wonder how often a woman chooses a ONS to become pregnant?


Its pretty unusual to get pregnant from one time.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Its pretty unusual to get pregnant from one time.


Why do think it's pretty unusual?


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## ewam (May 28, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Its pretty unusual to get pregnant from one time.


i got pregnant after having sex one time so it definitely happens


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Its pretty unusual to get pregnant from one time.


Two of my kids, and two pregnancies that ended in miscarriage, were conceived from us having sex once that month. It only takes one time if the timing is right. Sperm hangs out for like 5-7 days so...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pastasauce79 said:


> Why do think it's pretty unusual?


The average time that a couple who are trying for a baby take for her to get pregnant is apparently 8 months. The liklihood being that they will have sex at her fertile time and quite a few times. So having sex once with a random person isnt going to result in a pregnancy too often especially if the women is in the older age group.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ewam said:


> i got pregnant after having sex one time so it definitely happens


Didnt say it doesnt happen occasionally. If you are young and have sex when you are ovulating its more likely.

To me the thought of having sex with a random stranger just to get pregnant seems pretty desperate. You wouldnt know the first thing about him, his physical or mental health, any issues in the family, or what he iwas involved in. I just hope that child wouldnt learn how they were conceived. They would never be able to find out who their dad was, and its important for a person to know that.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

ewam said:


> i got pregnant after having sex one time so it definitely happens


Yes. All it takes is once. Some, maybe many, women are really fertile.


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## ewam (May 28, 2017)

some women can get pregnant easily even at older age, my friend who is 43 is now 4 months pregnant.she is with her partner in distance relationship, they had sex just once when they met in july(well, probably few times but just during one weekend) and she got pregnant(it wasnt planned and they got quite a shock but they only used pull out method and pregnancy happened)


Diana7 said:


> Didnt say it doesnt happen occasionally. If you are young and have sex when you are ovulating its more likely.
> 
> To me the thought of having sex with a random stranger just to get pregnant seems pretty desperate. You wouldnt know the first thing about him, his physical or mental health, any issues in the family, or what he iwas involved in. I just hope that child wouldnt learn how they were conceived. They would never be able to find out who their dad was, and its important for a person to know that.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Its pretty unusual to get pregnant from one time.


Not for ME...Lol!!! I got pregnant the first month I tried with the only one I TRIED to have...and got pregnant using condoms for the other two!!!!!! (and YES, we knew how to use them correctly)

Needless to say, he got "fixed" after the third! Lol!!!


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I’m sure it’s happened a plenty.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> The average time that a couple who are trying for a baby take for her to get pregnant is apparently 8 months. The liklihood being that they will have sex at her fertile time and quite a few times. So having sex once with a random person isnt going to result in a pregnancy too often especially if the women is in the older age group.


I got pregnant on my first try (after stopping birth control) both pregnancies. My grandma used to say she only needed to smell male underwear to get pregnant! I come from a very fertile family. My aunts and many of female cousins got pregnant on accident. 

You can have a ONS with someone you know, it doesn't have to be a stranger.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

when my kids were small, this was hard time for me, and the thoughts were running through my mind (that I was trying to hide deep even from myself) that this is not the life I wanted... I loved them, but it was hard for me. But with time, they grew, became more independent, and it got easier. Now, as teenagers, they are a lot of fun (and headaches too,lol).
I am simply not a baby person. that was a tough one for me. When I see young couple on the beach, with baby and a toddler, and see how they can not really relax, I have PTSD....


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

WandaJ said:


> when my kids were small, this was hard time for me, and the thoughts were running through my mind (that I was trying to hide deep even from myself) that this is not the life I wanted... I loved them, but it was hard for me. But with time, they grew, became more independent, and it got easier. Now, as teenagers, they are a lot of fun (and headaches too,lol).
> I am simply not a baby person. that was a tough one for me. When I see young couple on the beach, with baby and a toddler, and see how they can not really relax, I have PTSD....


Amen! It’s like the puppy stage with a dog. Exhausting!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> Not for ME...Lol!!! I got pregnant the first month I tried with the only one I TRIED to have...and got pregnant using condoms for the other two!!!!!! (and YES, we knew how to use them correctly)
> 
> Needless to say, he got "fixed" after the third! Lol!!!


I got pregnant the first month we tried with all my 3 children, but of course we had sex several times, and I was only early to mid 20's, so at a very fertile time. As I said the average time it takes women to get pregnant when they are trying is 8 months and so many women struggle to get pregnant at all, even with IVF, and many cant have them, so it varies enormously. Its also getting harder now women wait longer as fertility wanes each year that passes.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pastasauce79 said:


> I got pregnant on my first try (after stopping birth control) both pregnancies. My grandma used to say she only needed to smell male underwear to get pregnant! I come from a very fertile family. My aunts and many of female cousins got pregnant on accident.
> 
> You can have a ONS with someone you know, it doesn't have to be a stranger.


Yes you can, but is that best for a child to know they started with a ONS? Many who will never even know who their dad is? I think its always best to have 2 parents who want that child, and to deliberately set out to have a baby alone isnt what I think is best for a child. OK accidents happen if you have sex unprotected or with unreliable protection, but to set out to find a guy just to get pregnant seems mercenry to me.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> when my kids were small, this was hard time for me, and the thoughts were running through my mind (that I was trying to hide deep even from myself) that this is not the life I wanted... I loved them, but it was hard for me. But with time, they grew, became more independent, and it got easier. Now, as teenagers, they are a lot of fun (and headaches too,lol).
> *I am simply not a baby person*. that was a tough one for me. When I see young couple on the beach, with baby and a toddler, and see how they can not really relax, I have PTSD....


I agree. Not all of us are. I never regretted having a child but I didn’t cope well with the endless demands and stress and exhaustion of the very early years. I felt like I was constantly on red alert. A wonderful moment was when I was finally able to go somewhere without a giant diaper bag stuffed with juice and toys and snacks and wipes and a change or two of clothes along with a pack of diapers and other miscellaneous “essential” things. That was a permanent part of my life for awhile and I was really glad when that time was done. I only had one child to deal with and can‘t imagine trying to handle a baby and a toddler together because apparently I don’t multi-task well.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Yes you can, but is that best for a child to know they started with a ONS? Many who will never even know who their dad is? I think its always best to have 2 parents who want that child, and to deliberately set out to have a baby alone isnt what I think is best for a child. OK accidents happen if you have sex unprotected or with unreliable protection, but to set out to find a guy just to get pregnant seems mercenry to me.


I only meant men and women can have a ONS with anyone, including someone who is not a stranger. I didn't mean getting pregnant by it. That's why I wonder how often this happens.

People go to sperm banks too, whether they are married or not, I don't know!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

pastasauce79 said:


> My grandma used to say she only needed to smell male underwear to get pregnant!


You have a kinky Grandma!!!!


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Openminded said:


> I agree. Not all of us are. I never regretted having a child but I didn’t cope well with the endless demands and stress and exhaustion of the very early years


Oh God yes! I love babies, but they are exhausting! 

I was really scared of SIDS and I couldn't relax. I had to check on them while they slept. I felt always on alert which made me feel exhausted all the time.

I enjoyed them a lot when they were toddlers. I was busy chasing them around but they were fun. 

I could have another child if I can skip pregnancy, childbirth and infancy.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I constantly worried that something would happen because I knew it could. But it didn’t. I completely exhausted myself thinking it might anyway. I remember my husband asking why I felt it was necessary to check in the middle of the night and I said it just was. That first year was not something I was ever tempted to repeat so one child was it for me.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I love love LOVE kids. They are so funny and interesting and entertaining. But I never, for one milisecond, wanted any of my own. Honestly, I didn't want to make the necessary sacrifices to raise a child, hoping they'd come out to be successful, productive, and most important, kind and contributing members of our society.

I had a fleeting regret once--I think I've told this story before. I was getting a pedicure and 3 generations of women came in to get pedis, too. The granddaughter was holding on to grandma so lovingly and helping to guide her. Granddaughter's mom was right beside them. I went home and cried to my husband and stepdaughter--who would do that for me?

The next morning my husband gave me a note from my stepdaughter with instructions to give it to me before I put on my makeup for the day. Lol she knows I'm a crier. In it, she told me for the first time that she loved me (!) and she will take care of me when I need her. Of course I still have that note.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

lucy999 said:


> I love love LOVE kids. They are so funny and interesting and entertaining. But I never, for one milisecond, wanted any of my own. Honestly, I didn't want to make the necessary sacrifices to raise a child, hoping they'd come out to be successful, productive, and most important, kind and contributing members of our society.
> 
> I had a fleeting regret once--I think I've told this story before. I was getting a pedicure and 3 generations of women came in to get pedis, too. The granddaughter was holding on to grandma so lovingly and helping to guide her. Granddaughter's mom was right beside them. I went home and cried to my husband and stepdaughter--who would do that for me?
> 
> The next morning my husband gave me a note from my stepdaughter with instructions to give it to me before I put on my makeup for the day. Lol she knows I'm a crier. In it, she told me for the first time that she loved me (!) and she will take care of me when I need her. Of course I still have that note.


You have a wonderful *daughter*.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I wonder how often and how strong is the urge of having children in men. At what age do you guys feel like having a child? 

I know my husband wanted children. He waited but he told me he needed to have a child before turning 31. I could have waited a little longer. 

We had our first child 20 days before his 31st birthday. He was ready for the second child as soon as I was ready. 

Recently he said we should have had another one (he had a vasectomy) and I kinda liked the idea, if only I could skip pregnancy and newborn stage.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

pastasauce79 said:


> I wonder how often and how strong is the urge of having children in men. At what age do you guys feel like having a child?


I convinced my wife to get pregnant when we were 21-22, and we had already lost a baby before that. She wasn't ready but I (stupidly) thought I was. I was the only one in my friend group getting married and having kids that early and I thought I was _so _smart and ahead of the game. I had a checklist of graduate, get married, buy a house, have kids, now life is grand and you get to cruise through the rest (HA!). I also wanted to be done having kids by 30 because I didn't want to be old with little kids. When we were 30 we realized we weren't done and bumped the age up to 35, mostly because we had a son with Down syndrome and stopping at 35 was suggested at the time. 

My friends on the other hand, most didn't even want to _think_ about kids before 30-35.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Elizabeth001 said:


> I’m sure it’s happened a plenty.


I always disliked that song. She cheated on her husband and made him a cuckhold.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

pastasauce79 said:


> I wonder how often and how strong is the urge of having children in men. At what age do you guys feel like having a child?
> 
> I know my husband wanted children. He waited but he told me he needed to have a child before turning 31. I could have waited a little longer.
> 
> ...


My personal experience, and also in talking to other women of my (older) generation, is that wives were basically the ones who wanted children and husbands just went along with it. That’s not as true for my child’s generation where males tend to be much more involved in the “having children” discussion and also as fathers. As for age, my generation married very young and mostly began to have children young. My husband and I were barely in our mid-20’s when our child was born but all of our friends the same age already had children at that point so I felt we were really late in having a first child (that sounds really ridiculous now).


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

lucy999 said:


> I love love LOVE kids. They are so funny and interesting and entertaining. But I never, for one milisecond, wanted any of my own. Honestly, I didn't want to make the necessary sacrifices to raise a child, hoping they'd come out to be successful, productive, and most important, kind and contributing members of our society.
> 
> I had a fleeting regret once--I think I've told this story before. I was getting a pedicure and 3 generations of women came in to get pedis, too. The granddaughter was holding on to grandma so lovingly and helping to guide her. Granddaughter's mom was right beside them. I went home and cried to my husband and stepdaughter--who would do that for me?
> 
> The next morning my husband gave me a note from my stepdaughter with instructions to give it to me before I put on my makeup for the day. Lol she knows I'm a crier. In it, she told me for the first time that she loved me (!) and she will take care of me when I need her. Of course I still have that note.


Wow! amazing girl


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

pastasauce79 said:


> I wonder how often and how strong is the urge of having children in men. At what age do you guys feel like having a child?
> 
> I know my husband wanted children. He waited but he told me he needed to have a child before turning 31. I could have waited a little longer.
> 
> ...


My wife was getting pregnant while on the pill. She had 6 miscarries, a tubal then 2 boys. Never felt the urge to start having kids. Wife wanted 9, after couple she changed her mind. She has 9 though, lost 7 and have 2 boys now. She will meet the others some day.

When wife was pregnant the bond i felt with her was amazingly strong. To know she wanted to carry my child and was. I could not keep my hands off her. She was 5'03 size 1 when we married. She got big belly wise. Thought twins, dr said big babby, 12-13 pounds. Be big like daddy. I am 6'05" 285 36" inseam.
Our 15yr old now is 6'06" and wears 14 shoe.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> My wife was getting pregnant while on the pill. She had 6 miscarries, a tubal then 2 boys. Never felt the urge to start having kids. Wife wanted 9, after couple she changed her mind. She has 9 though, lost 7 and have 2 boys now. She will meet the others some day.
> 
> When wife was pregnant the bond i felt with her was amazingly strong. To know she wanted to carry my child and was. I could not keep my hands off her. She was 5'03 size 1 when we married. She got big belly wise. Thought twins, dr said big babby, 12-13 pounds. Be big like daddy. I am 6'05" 285 36" inseam.
> Our 15yr old now is 6'06" and wears 14 shoe.


Was he a big baby? When I was expecting my first I had been ultra thin, underweaight actually. I got VERY big with him, yet not once did any doctors or nurses suggest I had a big baby(no scans then). He was nearly 10 lbs. Big babies run in the families. My SIL had 2 babies of about that weight, nearly 10LBS, and my three were all big. 
It doesn't always follow that big babies end up big though. My last child was 9lbs at birth yet now she is slim and average height.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pastasauce79 said:


> I wonder how often and how strong is the urge of having children in men. At what age do you guys feel like having a child?
> 
> I know my husband wanted children. He waited but he told me he needed to have a child before turning 31. I could have waited a little longer.
> 
> ...


My first husband always wanted children and my now husband did as well with his first wife. My first husabnd was 25 when we had our first and my now husband was about 26. His wife got pregnant on their wedding night!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Openminded said:


> My personal experience, and also in talking to other women of my (older) generation, is that wives were basically the ones who wanted children and husbands just went along with it. That’s not as true for my child’s generation where males tend to be much more involved in the “having children” discussion and also as fathers. As for age, my generation married very young and mostly began to have children young. My husband and I were barely in our mid-20’s when our child was born but all of our friends the same age already had children at that point so I felt we were really late in having a first child (that sounds really ridiculous now).


My first was when I was 21, and my 2 best friends at the time has their first at ages 21 and 22. It was normal then, we had all married at age 19. I do think that people these days wait too long and have more problems as a result.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Divinely Favored said:


> I always disliked that song. She cheated on her husband and made him a cuckhold.


I never liked it either. The thread just brought it to my mind. I mean...how can you go from Barracuda to that crap? 

I still do believe that it happens more than we think. The urge to be a mother (or father) can be overwhelmingly strong. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> Its pretty unusual to get pregnant from one time.


But it does happen. Some states have given rapists the right to deny their victim an abortion and the right to visitation after the child is born.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

I wanted kids pretty badly when I was young. But I had fertility issues. I got pregnant once in the 8 years I was married, and then miscarried. I wanted to adopt but my husband at the time changed his mind about kids and didn't want them any more. What could I do? I thought about adopting when we divorced, but instead decided to get my PhD. My focus is working on language with preschoolers. 

There's a part of me that's sad that I didn't have kids. But I've gotten to be auntie with my friend's kids and now my brother has a son. And I love and enjoy all of them so much. I feel like because I don't have kids I have energy to put into other things and I am able to accomplish things that I never could have done if I had children. If you had asked me when I was 30 to make a choice of getting a PhD or having kids, I would have chosen kids. But I didn't get what I wanted so I made due with what I had, and I don't spend a lot of time lamenting it.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

lucy999 said:


> I love love LOVE kids. They are so funny and interesting and entertaining. But I never, for one milisecond, wanted any of my own. Honestly, I didn't want to make the necessary sacrifices to raise a child, hoping they'd come out to be successful, productive, and most important, kind and contributing members of our society.
> 
> I had a fleeting regret once--I think I've told this story before. I was getting a pedicure and 3 generations of women came in to get pedis, too. The granddaughter was holding on to grandma so lovingly and helping to guide her. Granddaughter's mom was right beside them. I went home and cried to my husband and stepdaughter--who would do that for me?
> 
> The next morning my husband gave me a note from my stepdaughter with instructions to give it to me before I put on my makeup for the day. Lol she knows I'm a crier. In it, she told me for the first time that she loved me (!) and she will take care of me when I need her. Of course I still have that note.


I ADORED my step-mom, almost as much as my real mom - the love is similar and just as strong!! She was an amazing example of a strong, giving woman, and some of my best qualities as a person are things I learned from her! 

I miss her every day!!!!!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Its pretty unusual to get pregnant from one time.


All pregnancies are from one time. It’s not something that is a cumulative effect that you build up to. 

You just don’t always know which one time it was.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> All pregnancies are from one time. It’s not something that is a cumulative effect that you build up to.
> 
> You just don’t always know which one time it was.


It’s just like Covid. It only takes one person to give it to you!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> It’s just like Covid. It only takes one person to give it to you!


yes but unusual to get pregnant from having sex just once with a stranger.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> yes but unusual to get pregnant from having sex just once with a stranger.


Conception doesn’t know or care how well you know someone or how many times you’ve had sex with them in the past.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> yes but unusual to get pregnant from having sex just once with a stranger.


If the stars line up they line up.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> yes but unusual to get pregnant from having sex just once with a stranger.


If a women really just wants a free egg doner all she has to do is teach her cycle, know when she ovulates, then have a one night stand. It’s literally no different than doing that with your husband.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Was he a big baby? When I was expecting my first I had been ultra thin, underweaight actually. I got VERY big with him, yet not once did any doctors or nurses suggest I had a big baby(no scans then). He was nearly 10 lbs. Big babies run in the families. My SIL had 2 babies of about that weight, nearly 10LBS, and my three were all big.
> It doesn't always follow that big babies end up big though. My last child was 9lbs at birth yet now she is slim and average height.


No 8+. Had alot of amniotic fluid.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> My first husband always wanted children and my now husband did as well with his first wife. My first husabnd was 25 when we had our first and my now husband was about 26. His wife got pregnant on their wedding night!


My 2 boys were concieved on a holiday and 2nd on Anniversary to the day 9 mo.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Elizabeth001 said:


> I never liked it either. The thread just brought it to my mind. I mean...how can you go from Barracuda to that crap?
> 
> I still do believe that it happens more than we think. The urge to be a mother (or father) can be overwhelmingly strong.
> 
> ...


A good reason to DNA all children so dad know for sure and if a divorce ever occurs paternity can not be denied.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> My first was when I was 21, and my 2 best friends at the time has their first at ages 21 and 22. It was normal then, we had all married at age 19. I do think that people these days wait too long and have more problems as a result.


My wife is 3.5 yrs my senior. Our 1st she was 31 2nd 36. When she would go to elementry to pick up the teachers thought she was their grandparent. So many girls look 17 and have 3 kids now a days.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Elizabeth001 said:


> I never liked it either. The thread just brought it to my mind. I mean...how can you go from Barracuda to that crap?
> 
> I still do believe that it happens more than we think. The urge to be a mother (or father) can be overwhelmingly strong.
> 
> ...


I knew a woman that obtain a specemine and used a turkey baster, now she is a single mother.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> My wife is 3.5 yrs my senior. Our 1st she was 31 2nd 36. When she would go to elementry to pick up the teachers thought she was their grandparent. So many girls look 17 and have 3 kids now a days.


Yes when I had my children you were considered an 'elderly mother' if you were over 30,(this was in the late 70's) It was very common to have children way before that and it was normal to us. I see so many children now with older carers and I honestly havent a clue if they are an older mum or a young grandparent. Its very common to leave having children so late now.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> If a women really just wants a free egg doner all she has to do is teach her cycle, know when she ovulates, then have a one night stand. It’s literally no different than doing that with your husband.


I used natural birth control for years. I thought I was kinda "safe" when I conceived my second child. I had sex a few days before ovulation, one of those swimmers survived and got me pregnant. 

One can have sex before or during ovulation and get pregnant. The sperm can live up to 5 days? You have to be careful for about 10 days every month if you are regular. Throw those numbers out the window if you have an irregular cycle. 

The chances of getting knocked up are pretty big to me. No wonder many get pregnant by accident.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

pastasauce79 said:


> I used natural birth control for years. I thought I was kinda "safe" when I conceived my second child. I had sex a few days before ovulation, one of those swimmers survived and got me pregnant.
> 
> One can have sex before or during ovulation and get pregnant. The sperm can live up to 5 days? You have to be careful for about 10 days every month if you are regular. Throw those numbers out the window if you have an irregular cycle.
> 
> The chances of getting knocked up are pretty big to me. No wonder many get pregnant by accident.


Supposedly the "male" sperm travel faster but die off quicker as well, while the "female" sperm are slower but live longer...SO, if you are ovulating when you have sex, you are more likely to have a boy, and if you ovulate a few days later, you are more likely to have a girl!

SUPPOSEDLY...


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> Supposedly the "male" sperm travel faster but die off quicker as well, while the "female" sperm are slower but live longer...SO, if you are ovulating when you have sex, you are more likely to have a boy, and if you ovulate a few days later, you are more likely to have a girl!
> 
> SUPPOSEDLY...


Hmmm  Maybe that's why I only make boys  I've got my wife pregnant 5 times with boys. Two sons, another on the way, and two of her miscarriages were boys (unsure of the others). The boy on the way, my wife said we couldn't have sex because she was ovulating and well... whoops.

Gender swaying is a huge thing apparently, no idea the accuracy on it though. But to further prove the "it only takes once" point, some couples only have sex once in a cycle (a few days before ovulation) to try and sway for a girl. This is the kind of **** my wife decides to teach me about when I try and talk to her about Reaganomics or something equally as boring to her.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

bobert said:


> Hmmm  Maybe that's why I only make boys  I've got my wife pregnant 5 times with boys. Two sons, another on the way, and two of her miscarriages were boys (unsure of the others). The boy on the way, my wife said we couldn't have sex because she was ovulating and well... whoops.
> 
> Gender swaying is a huge thing apparently, no idea the accuracy on it though. But to further prove the "it only takes once" point, some couples only have sex once in a cycle (a few days before ovulation) to try and sway for a girl. This is the kind of **** my wife decides to teach me about when I try and talk to her about Reaganomics or something equally as boring to her.


Lolol!!!! That reminds me of something my first husband used to say, something about shooting bullets of metal or some silly thing like that...we had 2 boys and 1 girl...my daughter saved me (although she's TOUGH!), if I had a third boy, I think I would have lost all my hair...Lol!!!!


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> Supposedly the "male" sperm travel faster but die off quicker as well, while the "female" sperm are slower but live longer...SO, if you are ovulating when you have sex, you are more likely to have a boy, and if you ovulate a few days later, you are more likely to have a girl!
> 
> SUPPOSEDLY...


Yes, that's what happened to us. I have a boy and a girl.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

pastasauce79 said:


> I wonder how often and how strong is the urge of having children in men. At what age do you guys feel like having a child?


Never had a strong urge, until about 4 years into our cohabitation and engagement — maybe around age 32. I suppose I had thought my life ideally would include kids, after finding a life partner, but hadn’t put much thought into it.

The increase in interest in it was brought on by a sense of urgency about timing. I was ~33 and she ~36 when our first was born. She was 40 when our second was born.

I had a vasectomy a couple (?) of years later, that I thought she was on board with. Told me a few years ago (we are in 50s now) she resented me for the vasectomy because she had wanted to have another kid. (First I had heard about it.)

I might have liked to have had another one, had we started earlier. The reason we did not was her apparent ambivalence or fear about tying the knot.

I’ll add that kids changed everything. Very challenging, even though we have been extremely lucky in many ways. Very glad we had them. Two was a good number for us.


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