# Please explain?????



## interesting (Oct 27, 2014)

OK, men….what is up with this?

My significant other rarely, if ever, compliments me on my appearance. I notice his haircuts and always comment positively on them……I tell him when he looks nice. We went out last weekend………both dressed to the "nines"…….I made a point of telling him he looked "hot"….so handsome…….as I spoke to him I was ready to go……looking the best I can……..nothing was said to me. Typical.

I figured I will never look better than I did last weekend. If he didn't notice me then……he never will.

Yet….he does notice other women.

Feeling invisible.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It seems that some men are just non-verbal about such things. Does he show his appreciation in other ways?

We have sort of an inverse situation. I frequently notice and compliment my wife. However, I may fail to notice that her hair looks like road-kill before we go out, and so neglect to mention that she needs to fix it. She looks so good to me that little things like that don't always register.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I'm sure he noticed, just wasn't verbal about it.

Ask him why that is the case. If you would like to hear it, ask him to be more verbal about it.

Read: your husband does not read your mind.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

but why can he make it clear to her that he notices other women? 

I don't think she's asking him to be a mind reader. 

I stopped complimenting my husband for the same reason. talking never seem to get through. 

a guy even non-verbally can make it clear that he is attracted to other women then he can find a way to do the same thing for his woman. only one way to interpret the fact that he doesn't do it. 

Op you are only dating. Move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

I can only speak for myself but I am not very verbal. I do however look at my wife a lot during the course of an evening out, she normally doesn't see that but does see when I notice another women. I would say for every woman I see I look at my W 5 to 10 times more, she just usually doesn't catch it.


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## interesting (Oct 27, 2014)

We are a little more than dating……we have lived together for 5 years.


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## interesting (Oct 27, 2014)

Do you comment on her appearance?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

You still aren't married.

NoChoice, why do you hide looking at your wife but not looking at other women? Your behavior makes no sense.


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## interesting (Oct 27, 2014)

We decided not to marry when we met…..because of our ages….inheritances, taxes, etc.


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## AlphaMale74 (Oct 15, 2014)

Laziness and taking you for granted. We men are generally this way. It takes a concerted, conscious effort to get outside of ourselves to make compliments.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I would be more concerned about him fvcking another woman for five days.

I honestly don't know what you see in this guy.


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## interesting (Oct 27, 2014)

So why do you compliment other women? We have gone out for the evening before……come home and he will say…."Boy, Judy sure looked nice tonight." Well she did……..but guess what….so did I!

Come on…….If you can comment on another woman….you can take time out of your day to comment on your partner as well.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

interesting said:


> My significant other rarely, if ever, compliments me on my appearance. I notice his haircuts and always comment positively on them……I tell him when he looks nice. We went out last weekend………both dressed to the "nines"…….I made a point of telling him he looked "hot"….so handsome…….as I spoke to him I was ready to go……looking the best I can……..nothing was said to me. Typical.
> 
> I figured I will never look better than I did last weekend. If he didn't notice me then……he never will.
> 
> ...


Because you are his meal ticket, bill payer, and housemaid/cook. He doesn't see you as a significant other, not anymore.

This is the man who cheated on you with another woman for five days -- with a plane ticket YOU bought him and spending money YOU gave him (he toted his Viagra along, too). You are his plan B. And people rarely compliment plan B's unless there's no one else there to look at.

I read your other posts ... and wonder the same thing myself. Why are you still with this man?


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

He automatically assumes you know that that you look extremely good to him, because he is with you.

Does he tell you when you look like crap? Probably not. Because he figures you already know.


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## interesting (Oct 27, 2014)

You guys are all right……of course……..that doesnt make it any easier. I know what I have to do…….and trust me I am concerned about him fu--ing another woman for 5 days! He ripped my heart out with that one. 

I don't deserve this…I know. I have been faithful….always…..because I know too well what it feels like to be odd man out!

Some of you are being pretty bold in your comments…..but I need to hear them. I have tolerated way too much from him…...


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## Pinkpetal (Jan 2, 2014)

I read your other thread too, interesting. Whether or not Dan compliments you is the least of your worries IMO. A man who spends YOUR money but notices other women, to me, is a player. Are you absolutely certain that he was cheated on before and was not the cheater? Have you looked into what Dan does in his spare time? Is he in contact with this other woman that he spent a week with? Have you checked his email and phone logs?

You sound like a sweet, kind person - unfortunately I think that that's what has gotten you into this mess. You are being too nice about all of this. Dan is taking advantage of you big time. You are right, you absolutely don't deserve to be treated this way. 

Life is not over at 65yo. My mother is 70yo and is just re-entering the world of romance after 4 years on her own. 

Don't feel you have to stay and put up with this second rate treatment. Dan doesn't believe you are going anywhere. Look at how much you have let him get away with without any consequences at all. It's time to stand up and start taking control of this situation. Show Dan what a strong woman who has made some decisions looks like! 

I am positive that there is another man of Duane's calibre out there somewhere just hoping to find a special woman like you.


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## interesting (Oct 27, 2014)

I am embarrassed to say I have checked his phone…….he always said I could…..well…….after his 5 days with the OW he sent her many texts……….I read a few and found out he had sent her flowers……….for Mothers Day……I got a card. He always says he can't afford flowers. 

I don't have access to his e-mail….I would guess he e-mails her.
I told him that Dr. Phil said if you are e-mailing someone anything you would not want your significant other to see….that is cheating. I asked to see her e-mails but he said no.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Why do you need to see the emails? Do you want to see if he complimented you to her?

You have seen and experienced enough. Kick him out.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

interesting said:


> You guys are all right……of course……..that doesnt make it any easier. I know what I have to do…….and trust me I am concerned about him fu--ing another woman for 5 days! He ripped my heart out with that one.
> 
> I don't deserve this…I know. I have been faithful….always…..because I know too well what it feels like to be odd man out!
> 
> *Some of you are being pretty bold in your comments…..but I need to hear them. I have tolerated way too much from him…...*


I can only speak for myself .... Please understand I'm not being bold to hurt you. Sometimes we ALL need a swift (figurative) kick in the butt to realize when a situation is unhealthy or worse. (Trust me -- I've needed one MANY times over the years.) 

As the other posters have said/implied, you have tolerated WAY too much from this guy. You have paid his bills, fed and clothed him, given him a rent-free home to live in (at least, that's what I'm reading from your current and previous posts), and license to pretty much do whatever he wants. He knows how you feel about his behavior -- and yet, he won't change it.



interesting said:


> *We have gone out for the evening before……come home and he will say…."Boy, Judy sure looked nice tonight."* Well she did……..but guess what….so did I!


Complimenting another woman to your face??? Oh, HECK no. No way. This is but one symptom of the problem that is him. I don't know about you, but I would have kicked this leech out long ago. I'm willing to bet he doesn't even give you anything toward bills, food, or anything else.

Do you really want a relationship like this?


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