# Something I found.



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)




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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

It would be nice to have some context for some of these stats. For instance was the bars the number 1 place where men met affair partners? How many people were sampled and which countries. I feel like the USA has WAY more cheaters than this. I am biased. I’ll admit.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Don’t know. I came arcoss this at another site and found it interesting. I really thought coworkers would have been higher then friends.


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## Thumos (Jul 21, 2020)

I think the percentage estimates of actual cheaters is far too low. Recent surveys indicate much higher percentages and basically parity between genders. probably between 25-40 percent for both genders

Also probably too low an estimate in evangelical/Protestant ministerial community. Probably higher.

what’s interesting is no stats in this info graphic for “successful” reconciliation. I think that would be a passingly small number but the reconciliation pushers wouldn’t want that out there.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Thumos said:


> what’s interesting is no stats in this info graphic for “successful” reconciliation. I think that would be a passingly small number but the reconciliation pushers wouldn’t want that out there.


And the divorce pushers would argue it, regardless of the number.


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## Thumos (Jul 21, 2020)

That makes no sense at all. If there were a large number of documented successful reconciliations, people would be applauding it — since divorce rates in this country are at 50 percent and a large chunk of those are infidelity related, that’s unlikely.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Good points. But I’m really interested in where they get this data, and how many of those people who did cheat actually admit it. I mean we are talking about people who somehow are always the victim of circumstance, or the spouse or the vixen, they’d have to actually admit they are cheaters to themselves to tell the truth... I think the number is more than even 40% of people. Just my opinion of course, there is no way to actually ever know.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Any poll out there can be skewed in one direction or another. It all depends on the out come you want.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

It shows at the bottom where the information was gathered. Here again, they pulled the info they wanted for the results they wanted to share.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Thumos said:


> That makes no sense at all. If there were a large number of documented successful reconciliations, people would be applauding it — since divorce rates in this country are at 50 percent and a large chunk of those are infidelity related, that’s unlikely.


No, many would not be applauding it. They would be saying the couple can't possibly be happy, are kidding themselves, in 5, 10, 20 years they will come to their sense and divorce, etc.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Thumos said:


> I think the percentage estimates of actual cheaters is far too low. Recent surveys indicate much higher percentages and basically parity between genders. probably between 25-40 percent for both genders


Agreed, only the numbers could easily be double that, based on the research I've seen. The range is all over, but more recent studies indicate higher rates, and women have pretty much caught up with men.

"Researchers agree that men cheat more than women. In Alfred Kinsey’s, _Sexual Behavior in the Human Male_, he found that 50% of married men cheated. In 1953 he found that 26% of woman cheat. Both those numbers have gone up since the 50s. In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that *70 percent* of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well. According to a 2004 University of Chicago study, 25 percent of married men have had at least one extramarital affair. In 2010 a study by The Kinsey Institute found that *66%* of married mean cheat."


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## Thumos (Jul 21, 2020)

bobert said:


> No, many would not be applauding it. They would be saying the couple can't possibly be happy, are kidding themselves, in 5, 10, 20 years they will come to their sense and divorce, etc.


I guess we can’t know since there aren’t voluminous numbers of well documented reconciliation success stories - the widespread absence strongly suggests it is probably not that common. Ironically lots of people do come to their senses years later, and they show up on message boards like this and talk about regret for trying to reconcile with the irreconcilable


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Some stats I'd be interested in:

What percent successfully reconcile after an EA (I'm betting about 25-30%)
What percent successfully reconcile after a PA (I'm betting about 5-10%)
What percent end up marrying their AP (probably <10%)


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Thanks for posting this! I often question things like this...Because, who is surveyed, and where were the surveys conducted? I, for one, have never been surveyed. Also, one serious qualm with this...why Angelina Jolie? I actually don't find her attractive at all.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Married but Happy said:


> Agreed, only the numbers could easily be double that, based on the research I've seen. The range is all over, but more recent studies indicate higher rates, and women have pretty much caught up with men.
> 
> "Researchers agree that men cheat more than women. In Alfred Kinsey’s, _Sexual Behavior in the Human Male_, he found that 50% of married men cheated. In 1953 he found that 26% of woman cheat. Both those numbers have gone up since the 50s. In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that *70 percent* of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well. According to a 2004 University of Chicago study, 25 percent of married men have had at least one extramarital affair. In 2010 a study by The Kinsey Institute found that *66%* of married mean cheat."


That seems about right to me.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Gabriel said:


> Some stats I'd be interested in:
> 
> What percent successfully reconcile after an EA (I'm betting about 25-30%)
> What percent successfully reconcile after a PA (I'm betting about 5-10%)
> What percent end up marrying their AP (probably <10%)


Cheating in a Nutshell, by Wayne and Tamara Mitchell, has tons of these kinds of statistics and research in it. Marrying the affair partner was much less than 10%, I believe it was 3%. And most of them unsuccessful at the 5 year mark. I can try to find that section. 
They make many arguments about why betrayed physiologically feel the way we do, based on research, disgust for instance...evolutionarily important to keep us from doing something harmful to ourselves again, rooted in tainted food. And how it’s now manifested to mental harm and serves exactly the purpose it is supposed to. “Don’t let this happen again.” It’s argued that our bodies tell us exactly what we need to know and that at a base level we want out. It’s our psyche that screws with us because of a litany of things. Hence why people spend decades where their body and mental state cannot align with our emotional desire to reconcile. It’s akin to eating something we know is poison and doing it anyway.
Very interesting read and I found it to be well researched and studied.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

QuietRiot said:


> Cheating in a Nutshell, by Wayne and Tamara Mitchell, has tons of these kinds of statistics and research in it. Marrying the affair partner was much less than 10%, I believe it was 3%. And most of them unsuccessful at the 5 year mark. I can try to find that section.
> They make many arguments about why betrayed physiologically feel the way we do, based on research, disgust for instance...evolutionarily important to keep us from doing something harmful to ourselves again, rooted in tainted food. And how it’s now manifested to mental harm and serves exactly the purpose it is supposed to. “Don’t let this happen again.” It’s argued that our bodies tell us exactly what we need to know and that at a base level we want out. It’s our psyche that screws with us because of a litany of things. Hence why people spend decades where their body and mental state cannot align with our emotional desire to reconcile. It’s akin to eating something we know is poison and doing it anyway.
> Very interesting read and I found it to be well researched and studied.


Thank you for posting that. It certainly helps to explain my extremely long attempt to reconcile (that was ultimately unsuccessful). Logically, I wanted out from the beginning but my emotions overrode that and I stayed. It never stopped being a struggle and I only found peace once I got out.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Interesting, and I think it would be different in a physical affair. My wife had an emotional affair, lasted a few months, with a long time guy friend of hers who I knew pretty well also (because of her). And it cut very deep. Given the ages of our kids, and the fact they refrained from taking it physical, I was determined to get my life back. To fix it. That's just my nature. And yes, it was very hard. But to me, it was the default position, rather than the thing that needed to be different. So after an initial 9 month reconciliation, I discovered they were still talking behind my back. Not romantically, but as friends, like right up to the "line". Once I discovered that, I was ready to end the marriage. I gave her one last chance to cut him off 100% from her life, or I would divorce her. Said it flat out. And then she ended it permanently. That was in 2012. 

In 2013, we both lost a parent and had other tragedies happen which really bonded us. From there, things got better slowly and by 2014, I had gotten to full trust with her again. It was a painful journey of about 3 years. But we got much stronger after this.

Had they slept together, I would have just admitted defeat and never wanted to touch her again. I'd have been done and my focus would have been totally different regarding my life. I probably would have take the revenge route, actually, and flaunted any relationships in front of her. I would have been bitter beyond belief.

So I think the stats for EAs and PAs would be different regarding reconciliation, just based on my own feelings and experience.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Gabriel said:


> Interesting, and I think it would be different in a physical affair. My wife had an emotional affair, lasted a few months, with a long time guy friend of hers who I knew pretty well also (because of her). And it cut very deep. Given the ages of our kids, and the fact they refrained from taking it physical, I was determined to get my life back. To fix it. That's just my nature. And yes, it was very hard. But to me, it was the default position, rather than the thing that needed to be different. So after an initial 9 month reconciliation, I discovered they were still talking behind my back. Not romantically, but as friends, like right up to the "line". Once I discovered that, I was ready to end the marriage. I gave her one last chance to cut him off 100% from her life, or I would divorce her. Said it flat out. And then she ended it permanently. That was in 2012.
> 
> In 2013, we both lost a parent and had other tragedies happen which really bonded us. From there, things got better slowly and by 2014, I had gotten to full trust with her again. It was a painful journey of about 3 years. But we got much stronger after this.
> 
> ...


That could be true, there may be some differences however, this is a gender difference as well. Females seem more willing to look past a PA while are more damaged by the EA, where males tend to be the opposite. Obviously case study and statistics always have the outliers... you may be one! I’m glad that you have a good marriage now.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Totally agree with your m/f distinction. Makes perfect sense and applies to me as well.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Thanks. That was interesting.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

GC1234 said:


> Thanks for posting this! I often question things like this...Because, who is surveyed, and where were the surveys conducted? I, for one, have never been surveyed. Also, one serious qualm with this...why Angelina Jolie? I actually don't find her attractive at all.


It looks like the sources were many and varied and some of them pretty outdated. A statistics mashup. Maybe these Angelina Jolie cheaters were speaking from the early 2000s when she was less... skeletor chic. 
I still like the chart though, it’s interesting.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'm thinking the women who cheated are under represented. But I may be wrong.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

QuietRiot said:


> It looks like the sources were many and varied and some of them pretty outdated. A statistics mashup. Maybe these Angelina Jolie cheaters were speaking from the early 2000s when she was less... skeletor chic.
> I still like the chart though, it’s interesting.


Yeah it's definitely a good chart.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Agreed, only the numbers could easily be double that, based on the research I've seen. The range is all over, but more recent studies indicate higher rates, and women have pretty much caught up with men.
> 
> "Researchers agree that men cheat more than women. In Alfred Kinsey’s, _Sexual Behavior in the Human Male_, he found that 50% of married men cheated. In 1953 he found that 26% of woman cheat. Both those numbers have gone up since the 50s. In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that *70 percent* of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well. According to a 2004 University of Chicago study, 25 percent of married men have had at least one extramarital affair. In 2010 a study by The Kinsey Institute found that *66%* of married mean cheat."


The Kinsey institute has very flawed data collection methods including the times by a stopwatch rape and sexual torture of children.

Kinsey was a lunatic and should not be considered for researching real sex statistics.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

A lot of that is nonsense and skewed. Women cheat as much as men.

My wife has cheated before meeting me and I never have technically.

I know from personal interaction and experience that women cheat at least at the rate men do. They are less likely to admit it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm thinking the women who cheated are under represented. But I may be wrong.


Women are less likely to be truthful about cheating in a questionnaire.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ABHale said:


> View attachment 71863


In your opening post on this thread, the image is posted twice. It makes it a bit confusing to read so it would help if you removed on of the copies of the image. Or, if you are unsure about how to do it, just let me know and I'll do it.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> In your opening post on this thread, the image is posted twice. It makes it a bit confusing to read so it would help if you removed on of the copies of the image. Or, if you are unsure about how to do it, just let me know and I'll do it.


If you could fix it for me thanks. Still can’t figure out how it posted twice.

Thanks Elegirl


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

10% of men and women would have an affair with Angelina Jolie?

Ok...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bobert said:


> No, many would not be applauding it. They would be saying the couple can't possibly be happy, are kidding themselves, in 5, 10, 20 years they will come to their sense and divorce, etc.


I think that most who stayed together would admit that its never going to be the same. I guess the trust has been shattered and that can have life long effects.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> 10% of men and women would have an affair with Angelina Jolie?
> 
> Ok...


Not me, a husband stealer who isnt even attractive.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Thumos said:


> I think the percentage estimates of actual cheaters is far too low. Recent surveys indicate much higher percentages and basically parity between genders. probably between 25-40 percent for both genders
> 
> Also probably too low an estimate in evangelical/Protestant ministerial community. Probably higher.
> 
> what’s interesting is no stats in this info graphic for “successful” reconciliation. I think that would be a passingly small number but the reconciliation pushers wouldn’t want that out there.


I also think it is much higher in reality. 

If you could extract the truth out of 80 years olds on their deathbeds about if they have cheated at some point during their lives, I think that number would probably be well into the majority. 

People lie in those surveys (cheaters lie? Gasp!!). 

And the questionnaire can only reflect what that person has done up to that point in their life. They may have honestly answered no at the time they answered the survey but then hooked up with Sven From Yoga the next day. 

Death bed confessions from 85 year olds over what they have done at some point in their 85 years on earth will be a much different number IMHO.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> A lot of that is nonsense and skewed. Women cheat as much as men.
> 
> My wife has cheated before meeting me and I never have technically.
> 
> I know from personal interaction and experience that women cheat at least at the rate men do. They are less likely to admit it.


I always chuckle to myself whenever a study says men cheat more than women.

Who are these men cheating with? Other men LOL

Are there so many closeted gay men that it skews the data because they’re getting down with other dudes? 

And I can totally see women lying on a survey questionnaire about their outside activities.

A dude would just check a box and not even think of it, that is if he bothers to answer a survey at all.

A woman will sit there and wonder whether that guy she blew in the bathroom of the bar even counts as cheating since she was drunk and was with her GFs at a bachelorette party. 

A woman will also be afraid that the survey will have some kind of retinal scanning capability to identify her on the computer and then send an automated notification to husband or that it it was a paper survey that the paper would have some kind of DNA tracing material or fingerprinting property to trace those who answered they had cheated. 

If anything women cheat more simply do to greater opportunity and ease in which to score some extra. 

If something is quick and easy to achieve, you have a much greater chance of getting away with it vs someone who has to put in some time and effort to do it.


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## Thumos (Jul 21, 2020)

Actually a couple of years back a survey unwittingly revealed that women tend to lie on surveys about cheating. The survey asked if they had cheated and then also asked if they would cheat if they thought they could get away with it. The percentages were so out of whack it indicated that a certain chunk of women had not answered the first honestly. Even in an anonymous survey. It also is readily apparent to anyone living on the planet that women are often just better liars than men. As a broad truism, Men will spill their guts; women will take it to their grave.

and as pointed out above women are saturated with sexual opportunity every day.

That’s why they so easily say “it didn’t mean anything” when caught cheating


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

I think there are a lot of gender differences. I think a lot more single females are willing to start an affair with married man, especially the young stupid ones. But I beleive men are more apt to have one night stand affairs. Women are more so looking for the whole kabob, the emotions the flowers the glitter and the sex. Women in relationships I think are looking for the next best thing. I may be wrong! But I’m just going off what I’ve seen over the course of my life.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

that chart is WILDLY optimistic. Only 2% of children are secretly born from cheating??? 
yeah, sure. probably more in the 10 to 20% range.


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## timcarp1964 (Mar 26, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> I always chuckle to myself whenever a study says men cheat more than women.
> 
> Who are these men cheating with? Other men LOL


Well you asked and I assume it wasn't a rhetorical question, so I will answer. As a former cheater, I can tell you who I cheated with and with one exception they were all unmarried women. I fully believe more men cheat than women, but there's really no way to prove it is there. Heck they're cheaters; why would they tell the truth about cheating? They're liars too...


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

timcarp1964 said:


> Well you asked and I assume it wasn't a rhetorical question, so I will answer. As a former cheater, I can tell you who I cheated with and with one exception they were all unmarried women. I fully believe more men cheat than women, but there's really no way to prove it is there. Heck they're cheaters; why would they tell the truth about cheating? They're liars too...


So does that little technicality that the women you cheated with were single mean that women are the more virtuous sex???

Did these single women have boyfriends or partners? 

Does a single woman that gets down with married men always remain faithful once she marries? 

If you want to believe men cheat more than women, knock yourself out. Believe what you want. 

But I will go back to what I said above, who are these men cheating with? Are they not cheaters too despite the technicality that they aren't married? Does that absolve them of all liability? If you are screwing a married man, do you have the moral high ground if you are not married? 

If you roll around in the mud with pigs, are you cleaner because you had clean, white underwear on when you jumped into the mud?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

timcarp1964 said:


> Well you asked and I assume it wasn't a rhetorical question, so I will answer. As a former cheater, I can tell you who I cheated with and with one exception they were all unmarried women. I fully believe more men cheat than women, but there's really no way to prove it is there. Heck they're cheaters; why would they tell the truth about cheating? They're liars too...


I never cheated but had a very large number of married women and women with boyfriends try their damnedest to get me in the sack.

I also went into ministry in my twenties and that gave me access and insight into many marriages and relationships.

The level of female cheating I encountered through the late 90's and through to today is staggering.

I have only ran across a tiny fraction of male cheaters in comparison.

I want to make it clear that my experience is anecdotal and I'm positive that men cheat, lie and manipulate just as much but make no mistake, women are equally as sinful in this area as men and I've personally seen them behaving worse and more often on average than the men I've encountered.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

QuietRiot said:


> I think there are a lot of gender differences. I think a lot more single females are willing to start an affair with married man, especially the young stupid ones. But I beleive men are more apt to have one night stand affairs. Women are more so looking for the whole kabob, the emotions the flowers the glitter and the sex. Women in relationships I think are looking for the next best thing. I may be wrong! But I’m just going off what I’ve seen over the course of my life.


I have been propositioned by two wives at the same time while one was holding her less than a year old baby.

They both had homes and hard-working husbands and I was waiting tables at a casino and just starting out.

They had no intention of leaving their husbands and were probably fairly satisfied with their marriages and maybe even loved their husbands.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> They had no intention of leaving their husbands and were probably fairly satisfied with their marriages and maybe even loved their husbands.


Similar experiences. 

Unlike you, I did take some up on it and was with several married women in my mid-upper 20s. 

That was over 25 years ago and I know at least 3 of them are still with their H’s.

I doubt if their extra curricular activities were ever known and I’m sure none of them would check the “yes” box on some survey. 

They would all likely go down in the annals of happy marriages and faithful wives. Hah!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> I want to make it clear that my experience is anecdotal and I'm positive that men cheat, lie and manipulate just as much but make no mistake, women are equally as sinful in this area as men and I've personally seen them behaving worse and more often on average than the men I've encountered.


Again, who are men cheating with? They can’t all be gay 😂


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

ABHale said:


> Any poll out there can be skewed in one direction or another. It all depends on the out come you want.


AB,

My MC who studied under Dr. John Gottman, a leading marriage and relationship expert, 
says from his experience over last 22 years 45% to 50% of men are unfaithful at some point in their marriage, while women are 35% to 40% and gaining ground. He cites technology as the primary increase in female infidelity over past ten years.

As for men of the cloth cheating, it happens more than you think. My brother in law and his wife a members of a large southern Baptist church and twice in the last five years their congregation has dealt with A cheating pastor. Both times it was with a married member of their congregation. Both confessed to the Church deacons who took care of the matter after the BHs complained.

My favorite story I was told is of a businessman in a western Kentucky town who was a “pastoral counselor” at a Baptist church. He was found to be having affairs with six ladies. One of the husbands found out and had posters printed with the mans name and noted he was a fornicator and adulterer on the poster. These were staples to telephone poles, placed under windshields of parked vehicles, and lastly he took a baseball bat and beat the **** out of the guys new truck.

it also made the local small town newspaper. Somehow I was told the guy who “counseled women” stayed married.

Crazy but true.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Found another article with more statistics on cheating. 



https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/age-married-men-most-likely-044145609.html



And apparently there is a certain generation of males that are the highest in cheating... and they are 70 year olds. Lol. Pretty sure viagra has a lot to do with that.


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