# Review of Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program



## Chris H.

I just wanted to let you guys know about this thing. Mort Fertel has been advertising his Marriage Fitness programs on my websites for a long time. Some might say I'm bias because of that, but I have a ton of people who advertise on my sites so if I were to lose one or gain one it would really be no big deal.

Anyway, his Marriage Fitness program has been around a long time, and my wife and I have a good relationship so I never thought to sign up for the free newsletter or buy any of his products. Well, the other day I went to his website, took his free marriage assessment, and signed up for the free newsletter.

The assessment was great. Pretty accurate, and as I suspected, my wife and I had a good relationship (according to the assessment). But even while taking the assessment I realized some things it asked about that I could do more of that would probably improve our relationship. Very good 

Then I started getting his newsletters in my inbox, and I was surprised at the helpful stuff he had in them. My wife and I don't have the kind of problems that most people who sign up for these things are having, but there are tips that will improve _all _relationships, not just those teetering on the verge of collapse. Best of all, it's free. 

So I give it the "thumbs up.":smthumbup:

Here's Mort's website if you want to check out his program:

Marriage Max .com

Let me know what you guys think about it as well.


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## Russell

I concur... my marriage is on the verge of divorce, and he has some very well thought out arguements not only for buying his product... but just for relationships in general. You don't even have to be in trouble and he is giving good advice.


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## BrokenFrag

Not sure if this thread is supposed to be added to, but I have received Mort's program and I have finished reading his book. I have to say that it speaks to my soul. I believe that everything he says is true. I don't know if this arrived in time to save my marriage, but I truly, truly believe that if you follow his guidelines, and you are with someone who believes in the same or is willing to try them, then you can build something truly incredible with your partner.


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## draconis

To tell you the truth I really don't think I need help, but often I look for ways to improve things here and there and pick up magazines, books, e-mail, websites, forums etc that can be used to improve or strengthen my relationship with my wife so I will be looking into it and getting the news letter just because it might help.

It also stands to reason for other sdvertizers that after years it might be their turn to get a review. All the more reason to stick with you.

draconis


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## AZMOMOFTWO

I'm on chapter 4 and I have to say, I recommend this. I bought the DVD set the Marriage Fitness Program. It makes a lot of sense and has helped me to see things through a different perspective and some ways to improve things.


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## AZMOMOFTWO

I finished the CDs and I found a lot of very helpful advice. My husband started listening, he got about half through (hoping he will finish)... anyway we are implementing some of these ideas. One huge one for us is that "business" type things should just be handled once a week....i.e. discussing bills & finances and other business like things necessary in a marriage. We also run a business. One thing that we discovered is that when we first were married my husband did not want to deal with anything related to finances. I handled all of it. Somewhere maybe even 10 years ago he no longer wanted to be in the dark but he wouldn't say anything. It gave him stress to not know and I was stressed being the one person who had to handle all these things. Neither of us talked about it. He finally said something, I was really surprised. Anyway, I'm happy to share those responsibilities with him but bringing him up to speed will take awhile (as I also handle the books in our business as well). We're going to start this week with the "business meetigs" in which for an hour or maybe 90 minutes we'll start going over these things and handline more financial decisions together. We always handled major purchase decisions together but things like how much should we pay on a credit card etc. was always up to me. Anyway that was just one thing but we got several out of it. It was worth the money we spent.


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## voivod

i'm about to purchase mort fertel's program/book. (i might as well, i've bought every other resource out there!) anyone have an opinion on lee baucom? or dr phil's workbook. i'd love to hear a success story from someone here. were you on the bring of collapse? did ya save it? which program did you use? how? note: i'm at the point where i think it's all common sense, but i'd love to know there's some "technique" out there that improves the odds.


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## Kiwi

Hey everybody,
Im kiwi and my wife has recently left me....and im totally heart broken as the love of my life,best friend,lover and soul mate isnt here right now. In my desperation/hurt and all the other emotions you get when your arrive at this point, i started looking around on the internet (....and not just for porn either....hahahaha) for help. After quite a few hours of research(because there is a lot of stuff out there!...and so much to choose from) I decided on Mr Fertel's site and must have read every bit of info twice. The reason im writing this is that even though there was a lot of info there, i dont think there was enough of the right kind of info.....like what you can do straight away, a feeling of that "any body" can do it (as at the time you have soooo much doubt, no matter what anyone says on their website)because at the time your really desperate and you just want it to stop. Because lets face it......you dont get nothing for free, and im not putting that down.....but the cost of the course is a big ask of you at a low time of your life! (and once again you think, hes only saying this to get some cash!) So what im going to do is everyday im going to post on here how im getting on and how i think the course is helping (or not) and ill record all my successes (failures too if i have any) and let you all know how i get on. Hopefully not only will this help me on my jounrney but will help others to pick(or not) this course! rather than just seeing a whole lot of testimonals which any one could of written! So........wish me luck and send me your love and prayers as i start my new journey to a BETTER ME and a OUTSTANDING MARRIAGE with my wife. please feel free to say stuff.
Today is 2nd February 2009 and i got woken up by the damm courier at 0600 (lucky i was already up)who delieverd my brand new Marriage Fitness course. Well straight away i looked at all the stuff and read about the stuff i was meant to have and found that i was missing a autographed book (got the book but it hasnt been signed) by the man himself!...now i know what your thinking......so what!....but at the end of the day....they are provding a service and we should get EVERYTHING we were promised (promises are a big thing in one of his steps).....also what happened to quality control?????....and making sure things get checked before they go out? NOT A GOOD START, but dont let that stop me....only a minor thing. Ill email them and see what they say.....ill keep you all informed and we can see what there customer service is like. So far ive listened to disc one- and im impressed and have just completed exercise 1.6. Oh by the way guys....im not getting paid for this, i just thought maybe i could help someone make a informed choice......see ya all later - Kiwi


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## MarriageFitness

Hi Kiwi,

We apologize that you received a book that was not autographed. Please email [email protected] with your address and we will send you an autographed copy of the Marriage Fitness book promptly.

Thank you,

Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel
Marriage Fitness - Mort Fertel


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## Kiwi

Hey everyone, its kiwi here. Hope you are all well and things are just that little bit better for you. Havent been on for two days because i couldnt find the original thread, DOH, my fault because i had put on a duplicate thread...sorry guys. Well as you can see there is some good news as at least i got a reply from marriage fitness about not getting a copy. Have already sent them my details, they want me to send the book back....but dont i need to use it?????????? so ill just wait out and see, but at least a speedy reply, good on ya guys! Well as promised, the next day 4th February (remeber im in New Zealand so time maybe out of whack). Anyway have read chapter one (and listened to the next disc)and it has really given me something to think about the MEANING of love and has made me have a good look at myself.....some not good stuff but also ive found some good bits too! As part of the course you get to have a live Q&A time with him on the phone (which i admit is pretty cool), i told them that because i was in NZ i might not be able to attend as ill be at work and if i do, ill just catch the end and i may not get a chance to put my question across. I was pretty impressed when i got a reply saying i could email them my question BUT (there is always one) it had to be 100 words or less.....hmmmm what do you reckon guys? can you do in that? not sure if i can but ill give it a go. I must admit, even though there is some really good stuff, it is a bit hard to see (well at this stage anyway) how if you are doing it by yourself (as i am) how you can help things (as Mr Fertel is really big on that it only takes one determined side to get it rolling), i suppose it would help if he had a few more success stories you could hear about in the lone ranger track (as thats what a single person doing the track is reffered as) about how one spouse was able to turn it around....dont get me wrong you do get a few discs to listen too, i just think you need a bit more success stories, because lets face it, at this low time we all need to hear about how they did it....espically on their own. Otherwise guys the course is going really well....now off to see if i can get everything down to 100 words, so until tommorw folks....stay well and look after yourselves and remeber tomorrow is another day to make your NEW relationship BETTER.....see ya!


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## Kiwi

Oh hey.....forgot to say, that today my wife and i met as we have to do some stuff togeather about our house we are building (its 2/3 finished) and i kind of brought up the idea about seeing a outdoor cinema in the park (this friday evening)....later on the day ( i mentioned it once again then left it at that as i didnt want her to think i was pressuring her) as i left for work and she headed back to where she is staying, i sent her a text to thank her for coming over and helping me sort out the stuff we had done this morning...and without any input from me she texted back saying "thank you moto(our pet name for each other.....dont ask, long story) look forward to friday" now im not pining my hopes on it or anything, but its a start....as i dont know if it was geniune or if she was just feeling a bit sorry for me.....i know people would say..."you should know your own wife".....but you know, thats a bit irrelevaant because your own emotions are so out of whack...you just dont know- but dont worry folks....i will keep you posted! - its really hard not to text or call, but team you really have to learn to give them time and space!.....damm hard though, i think i may have to break my fingers.....hahahahahahahaha........Kiwi


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## Debby

I have been receiving emails from Mort Fertel, and all of what he says does make sense to me. My problem is that although I understand what he is saying, I really don't feel like trying to improve things in my marraige anymore. I have given up totally. Husband refuses to take responsibility for things he says and does, when he is confronted with said things, he denies it. His favourite words are "you are wrong and I am right and I will prove it". Try living with that for a while.


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## Kiwi

Hey Everyone! Its your favourite guy from down under. Hope you are all a bit better today and things just might not look as bad as yesterday. Debby, read your post. My heart truely goes out to you!If you can find it in your heart (and im sure itll be really hard) please Dont give up!!!!! remeber what 'ole Mort said "it only takes one" ........let it be you! (i said that....lol) Well team today is 05/02/09 (sorry for the states itll be the other way round...lol) and today i read chapter 2 (you know the book that wasn;t autograhped,lol) and it was really eye opening as it talked about you and your spouse being soul mates. WELL....i thought i knew what they were all about till i read the book and now i reliaze i was on the right track but i forgot to take a map! in other words, it was really broken down for me, in that they are ways where you only play lip service to the words and then there is the true way where you connect!!!!! and thats the difference. On a lighter note i got a text from my wife saying " look forward to the movie nights (as we are going saturday as well), hope its warm" See one thing i am struggling with is that to a poor humble guy like myself, i get mixed messages from my wife as she has said that she wants us to stay friends and still wants me in her life, but at the same time she has also said she doesnt want to try anymore!!!!!!....figure that one out!!!!! Also guys i used the auto feature for the Q&A im going to send.......857 words!!!!!!!!......lol.....hell....lots of editing needed!!!!
I really hope someone is getting something out of this and please, drop a line.....dont be shy! well till the next time folks, take care and my love and blessings to you all, just remember, everyday above grond is a good day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luv Kiwi


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## Kiwi

Hiya Everyone, Well today is another lovely sunny day here (even better is that its a public holiday). Been listening to CD2 "how to live love"...and it was really helpful.....going to try some of the stuff tonight! Well im REALLY looking forward tonight as my wife and i are going to this outdoor cinema thingy tonight!!!!! i know its slightly against what Mort suggests but i think this time........it is a start and i believe a positive thing (well it makes me happy). I was just thinking.....(see what you think).....i believe the course is a big investment and i wonder if maybe we could actually email the guy directly.....maybe two or three, i did try to email him, but his assistant said that due to his scedule he cant email......hmmmmm???????.....yes im sure he his, but if he REALLY cares......would it hurt? and im damm sure people wqould respesct/appreciate him more....as sometimes people cant say what they want to but they can write it (though one good point is that you do get a chance to have a one-on-one phone call with him)....food for thought guys. You know one point that Mort makes is that......"slow is fast and fast is slow" and that it only takes little steps to get everything going the rightway again! Well just checking in guys......ill let you know how it goes tonight. Stay safe team and see ya tomorrow. See ya . Kiwi


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## Kiwi

Hiya Team, Well im back, and you would of noticed that i havent written for a couple of days.Well i do have a good excuse....i got hurt at work and wasnt able to write as my arm was in a sling. Well we had our night out and it was really good.....BUT she was like a cold fish and that was really hard! she said she didnt know how to react so as not to give me a false impression. All i wanted was to spend time with her! it was hard as i feel she really doesnt want to try!....a bit of a low point for me at the moment. I really tried to put this out of mind and try to implment/remeber what Mort said....but it kind of went in one ear and out the other! So i'm not sure what to do next. i guess i need to go over all the stuff agin to try and get back into the zone.


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## Kiwi

Hiya Guys, Hope you all are doing a little better. As part of the programme today i took a marriage assessment (this is actually free off Morts website even if you didnt get the course! which i think is awsome!) and it wasnt good....i scored an 8! Also i learnt about the compatibilty myth......and as far as i can make out, thats exactly what it is....a myth!...."....its not falling in love with the right person but falling in love with the person you have found!" a great quote!!!! and now one more..... cinderalla asked "do you love me because im beautiful or am i beautiful because you love me?" these were some great quotes for me to ponder on. You know as i said before that this would be an even better course if there were a few more sucess stories about different situations because (and Mort does talk about the fact that every situation is different) i think people might be able to relate better. Oh by the way, i never did hear back from Mort again in regards to getting another book???!!!!! which kind of makes me a little sad and angry as it kind of makes me think that the little guy has lost out.....again, yes im sure hes busy but does he have not staff????? i thought they were meant to be helpful. Now dont get me wrong, if they put it right then i will definately tell you guys- the reason for all this is not to be a place to slag this course but to help people make a informed decison. My wife and i did meet up again and we decided to have no contact for 3 weeks (true, may have broken one of Morts rules but to be honest at the time i think it was the right thing to do) Well off to do other stuff......need to keep busy! Take care everyone and speak to you all soon.


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## Kiwi

Hiya Guys,

Well at the moment im watching the DVD that was supplied with the course, its a live session with Mort (put love first). So far it looks good. Well back to how the course is going......i must admit, im struggling at the moment.....as i really miss my wife and i find it hard to not be in contct with her; but on the other side of the coin, if you dont have ANY contact then you cant get back togeather! you see guys my thinking was.... give my wife space and time to think....but one danger is that she may come back and say "i love you but i dont want to be in a relationship with you" as she has said this in the past. Also i am now on phase 5, i have quickly skimmed through the course and i did not notice we get to write a marriage contract, which im really looking forward to doing. Guys, i think one of the really good things about this course is that its kind of fun as your not talking about the negative things (though you dont ignore it totally) but concentrate on being better and keeping it better! well just a short one today folks, want to go and watch the rest of the DVD, enjoy the rest of your day (or night)......see ya later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Kiwi

Hiya Guys, I finished the DVD.....sorry but didnt think that much of it, it started off well......but well it wasnt that great....it was ok. Im in a better place these days, even though it is hard, espically if you are on the lone ranger track and you dont live with your spouse........i have to remain positive! Sorry guys, just a short post today


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## Kiwi

Hey guys! sorry have been away. Well tonight i started doing my template for my "intimacy interview" and i must amit, i really enjoyed it, though not as easy as i thought it might be....still can put more into it so its a work in progress! though i am looking forward to "interviewing" my wife! plus i suppose it will also be an indication of where i stand. About to rewrite my marriage misson statment (this will be my second version) so ill let yoa know how it goes. Well guys just a short post, as need to go to sleep as have an early start. take care all:smthumbup:


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## Chris H.

Thanks for keeping us updated with your progress, kiwi!


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## picabu

Kiwi where are you????? I would like to keep up with your thread. I am considering Mort's program.


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## picabu

Kiwi,

I hope everything has worked out for you and your wife. I pray that Mort's program worked for you and that you and your wife are so busy reconnecting that's why you have stopped posting. God bless you and your family. I wish you much happiness and success.


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## brenz

Hi there...I am wondering if anybody has Mort Fertel's emails saved anywhere. There was one a few weeks back that talked a bit about "mirroring". I saved all but that one and I kinda need it now...darn it!! If anybody has it, could they cut and paste it here? THanks!


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## RCM

I would love to see that too. I have been getting his e-mails for the past 2 weeks and his insight seems to be very good. So good I just bought the home-flex set-up. Should be here tomorrow, just in time!!!


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## picabu

I have been receiving Mort's emnails & purchased the Home Flex program (Lone Tracker) & got it last Thursday...just in time for the 1st teleconference. He does give very good advice, however sometimes I feel I am playing a door mat to my husband. I have not seen the "mirroring" email yet, but will certainly post it here if & when I do.

RCM -- I would love to compare notes with you to see if we can help each other with ideas using the Home Flex program. What do you say????

My situation is exactly as Mort explained in his "Did I marry the right person" email. We are at that cycle of our relationship where someone else's grass is awful green & pretty compared to mine. Obviously I am doing to "Lone Ranger" version & my husband has no idea.


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## east coast bias

I also received Morts program lasat week and have been trying the talk and touch charges to no avail.My wife is having an affair and says she doesnt know if she wants to stay together.She is resistant to my touch and doesnt want to talk.I know Mort says one person can make a difference but this is really frustrating.Its only been a week so I'll keep plugging away.Its just tough knowing every time she goes out shes going to see him.Plus she works with him so that makes it doubly tough.Please keep posting with your progress


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## picabu

I have also been trying talk & touch charges with little response. Mort is right that this is damn hard!!!! I put my feelings out there just to be rejected time & time again. My emotions are all over the place and I am hating myself & my life right now. Cannot beleive it has gotten to this point. 

My husband is also involved with someone from his job and says he doesn't want to work things out. Knowing how I feel, I am sorry for what you must be going through. I know how much it hurts. My husband wont admit that their is someone else, but I know. I used to do enough spying that what I gathered was enough fo me to know.

I'll keep you in my prayers.


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## east coast bias

Well maybe touch charges are working.Wife actually gave me a little peck goodbye as we left for work this morning.It aint much but hey its a start.Picabu I will also keep you in my prayers.I hope things work out for you.Keep up the good fight


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## picabu

i am barely holding on. once this week he left the house wihout his wedding ring. the next day he almost did again & then I reminded him & he put it on. (who knows if he keeps it on) Last night he came home from work in a decent mood. we were able to have pleasant casual conversation. then his text messaging started to go crazy. attitude changed to irritated. i am sure his mistress (who also works with him) is pressuring him to make a move. I am hurt & try my best not to show him. this morning i went to kiss him good by & he basically turned to give me the corner of his mouth.

i just don't understnd him. he says he is no longer in love with me & doesn't think he could be again. i asked him if i could get the house refinanced w/o him, would he leave & didn't he still want to move on. He replied yes, but let me think about it for a couple of days.

it's been three weeks & he hasn't brought it back up. he still sleeps in the same bed, even though we have a guest room with a better mattress. we still have sex at least once a week. although most times he will not kiss me while we are or concern himself with foreplay for me. he used to be all about me getting my orgasm first, now could care less if i get one at all. 

this past sunday we had very passionate fulfilling orgasmic sex, he actually kissed me very passionately. I was amazed...hadn't been that good in some time....now this week he wont even acknowledge me pleasuring myself while he is in the same room.

i don't understand why he still sleeps in the same bed & why he hasn't mentioned the refinance thing. is he just confused???? I hope her pressuring him, if she is will put him off. he hates to be told what to do.

i often wonder should i contact her, but that is a question that I have not found Mort to address.

I am so lonely, confused, scared and so damn depressed I dont know how much longer i can keep up this constant set up for rejection. i want desperately to save this marriage!!!!!!


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## ladylouise

I am new, thinking of this program. How is the program working for you that have been doing it awhile? Have you stopped? Can we get an update? Thanks.


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## picabu

ladylouise,

sign up for his free emails first. i can tell you most of the materials are redundant. the discs that come with the work book are the same as the pre-recorded teleconferences. the book is also repetative of the discs & teleconferences. basically i would recommend this if you are going to be doing the duo tracker. i think it would work far better if you both are willing to work on it.

i am doing the lone ranger & it is very slow going. but mort even says do this if you want to change & fix yourself. my best hope is that my husband & i will reconcile, but if we don't i beleive i will be a better partner for the next man as a result of this program.


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## ladylouise

Picubu:

Thank you. I have been getting his emails. I thought the program might be a little more indepth?


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## east coast bias

I agree with Picabu.I am also doing the lone ranger track and the progress is very slow,but I do feel like I am making progress,mainly because I think the wife wants to reconcile and shes seeing some changes in me.Mort has some very good advice but it is very repetitive.The workbook seems a waste of time.I am getting more out of the CDs and the book.I will be attending my 1st Q&A conference tonight so I am looking forward to that


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## ladylouise

East Cost: Thanks. So, you do not feel the program is worth it. Just use the book?


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## picabu

thanx east coast bias... i was thinking tonight was a regular tele-conference... i am looking forward to the Q & A call too.


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## Sensitive

I received his emails and read his book, and was very inspired. I tried to get hubby to read the book, but he never finished it. According to my hubby, Mort Fertel's method was too rigid. For example, he recommends expending all your emotional energy into your spouse. He even discourages platonic friends of the opposite sex. I really think his seminar would be amazing, but I don't believe my husband wants a marriage where we are joined at the hip, and have no other bonds to other people.


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## Magnolia

Debby said:


> I have been receiving emails from Mort Fertel, and all of what he says does make sense to me. My problem is that although I understand what he is saying, I really don't feel like trying to improve things in my marraige anymore. I have given up totally. Husband refuses to take responsibility for things he says and does, when he is confronted with said things, he denies it. His favourite words are "you are wrong and I am right and I will prove it". Try living with that for a while.


Wow Debby. When I read this I almost wanted to throw my hands in the hair and yell, "YES!! Somebody else feels the way I do!!"

I have been living with the "I am right, you are wrong and I will prove it" mentality for nearly 12 years. I am also exactly like you. I don't even want to try anymore.

It's all I can do to stay.


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## qtrcowpony

I would really love to hear more about anyone who has used Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness program and what their experiences were. At this point, I feel like our marriage is so far gone, I'm not sure it can be saved. But on the upside, it seems that neither of us are quite ready to let go either. I just don't know. I'm willing to try, whatever it takes but I'm terrified to spend that much money when I don't know what the future holds. I may need every penny I can put away just to stay afloat if this ends in divorce. Saving my marriage would be worth every penny, and you can't put a price on something like that, but what do you do????:scratchhead:


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## Michael S.

:smthumbup:
Hey everyone, I just wanted to put my input on the Mort Fertel class. I purchased the class (Lone Ranger) and I listened to most of the CD's and have been working on the workbook and reading the book. As a typical man that DID NOT want to change for years my wife, but God got ahold of me and led me to Morts site. I investigating many of "counselors" you name it I looked at them. Well while I was going throught the CD's as a newbie trying to change and get out of the "roomate" relationship with my wife, on Feb 13th she asked me for a divorce. I can tell you that this floored me and my stomach and heart was RIPPED OUT. But I stayed true, if I can say ONE thing. Words or CRAP, it is actions. If your spouse wants you out which my did and I was not leaving, I at first was up her butt like a gnat and all that did was irritate her, I kept asking her to get something to eat, etc you know like all guys do, trying to talki about our marriage, our issues. What was I doing???? PUSHING HER even further away! She told me she HATED ME. The biggest thing I was doing wrong was not listening to Mort, I am not going to go into his whole program, but let me just say that 1 month later, she is seeing the change, it is only because of Mort, no I did alot of praying and sought gods face. YOU HAVE to work the program deligently and when I figured that out it helped and that is no lie. Get the divorce thoughts, the other man thoughts, the whatever thoughts OUT OF YOUR HEAD and make your spouse PRIORITY #1 PERIOD. I own my own business and have for 9 years,is what I fell in love with and I had it as priority #1. Not any more!!!!! Do it, I am sorry to say this, but you people that worry more about $400----are the same ones that may do something that is to good to be true. Your heart has to be in the right place and just because something is not working for one person doesn't mean it will not work for you. If you REALLY want to put the time and effort into your relationship AND I MEAN ALOT, then you can repair it. If you have children, remember when they were born how it turned your life upside down and they were your main focus, not out of feeling sorry for yourself, etc and your every moment was spent with them. Well that is what Mort has done for me again. I love my wife and she is #1 priority.
Now are we back to where we were not yet, it is going to take time, time that I am willing to invest for as long as it takes. If this is not how you feel----well then I am sorry, NOTHING is gonna help you, you need to examine yourself first and seek God's face. 

Thank you and God Bless and Good luck, let me know if you have any questions.


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## lost soul 01

Chris H. said:


> I just wanted to let you guys know about this thing. Mort Fertel has been advertising his Marriage Fitness programs on my websites for a long time. Some might say I'm bias because of that, but I have a ton of people who advertise on my sites so if I were to lose one or gain one it would really be no big deal.
> 
> Anyway, his Marriage Fitness program has been around a long time, and my wife and I have a good relationship so I never thought to sign up for the free newsletter or buy any of his products. Well, the other day I went to his website, took his free marriage assessment, and signed up for the free newsletter.
> 
> The assessment was great. Pretty accurate, and as I suspected, my wife and I had a good relationship (according to the assessment). But even while taking the assessment I realized some things it asked about that I could do more of that would probably improve our relationship. Very good
> 
> Then I started getting his newsletters in my inbox, and I was surprised at the helpful stuff he had in them. My wife and I don't have the kind of problems that most people who sign up for these things are having, but there are tips that will improve _all _relationships, not just those teetering on the verge of collapse. Best of all, it's free.
> 
> So I give it the "thumbs up.":smthumbup:
> 
> Here's Mort's website if you want to check out his program:
> 
> Marriage Max .com
> 
> Let me know what you guys think about it as well.


hi, my marriage is in deep trouble and i am thinking about trying these programmes, can you please tell me which one is better: Mort Fertel or Dr.Ellen Kreidman?? thanks


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## HurtingHelpmeet

I am new here but found you through google while searching for reviews on Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel. I see on the website that there is the big package at $399 or what I guess is a basic package of the cd series for around $70. I realize that any investment into my marriage is well worth it but I a just unsure of what I would benefit most from. 

Synopsis of my issue: Although it takes two, I can say that in the 11+ years that we have been married, I have hurt my husband more than I care to admit. I have said vile, horrible things to him, I have not respected him, I have not loved him unconditionally. I have accused him of cheating, even though I know he has never nor would ever. Long story short, I have allowed my past insecurities from my upbringing and other life experiences over shoot my actions and words in our marriage. I truly love my husband and will not give up on our marriage. He has never wanted divorce but I have used that word like it was nothing, in our marriage. I regret so deeply the hurts that I have caused him and now he says he loves me but he is not in love with me. He says that he is done and he's had enough. He said I have broken him so badly...emotionally. He says he feels like he will never be able to prove himself to me in our relationship....all because of my insecurities. He has been married twice before but this is my first and only marriage. I have told him that I am not giving up on us, and that I do love him. He says he is not in this relationship anymore and that the only thing he is putting into it is his paycheck. I hold onto the fact that GOD is not in divorce & that he says he still loves me. I am praying and relying on the LORD to help change me and to restore and redeem our marriage to better than we could ever dream. But I know that I the LORD guides us and leads us to help, so that is why I am curious to know from user experience if this program sounds like something that might help my situation, and if so, which program would be of most use. Thank you in advance for your help.


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## elenap

I read Kiwi's posts with interest, so I'm going to repeat that for anyone else who might be interested. I have signed up for Mort Fertel's Tele Boot Camp and the first tele-conference is tonight. 

My background story: _I_ was the one who introduced the word divorce to my marriage. I married my husband knowing that I wanted kids and that he would not consider it - I thought I could live with that. After 12 years, I had a crisis that sent me to a therapist asking for her help EITHER letting go of motherhood OR choosing to end the marriage. I couldn't deny the therapists' argument that my husband had a right to know what I was thinking, but once I told him, the marriage crumbled. 

I found Mort Fertel's site early on, but rejected his don't-try-to-work-out-your-problems start because I was 38, and postponing the decision to have children seemed like making the decision not to. My husband has refused to talk, claiming he's not ready for 2.5 years, and I've pushed pushed pushed that whole time, convinced that he would eventually be ready to talk and we'd have a chance to work things out. Two weeks ago he stopped wearing his ring and told me he's decided it's time to let go and try to make a solo life for himself. 

I'm doing Mort Fertel's program now because I have been so LOST for the past few years and I need a way to start digging myself back out. I feel like I'm going crazy. Obviously, I'm doing the lone ranger program, and if I can save my marriage, you'll hear me dancing in a future post, but more likely I can finally get some clarity about how I lost it in the first place, and perhaps a chance of being happy again at some point in the future.


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## elenap

First teleconference was a pep talk - don't try to rush it and work on rebuilding your relationship before you try to tackle what you see as the problems. It rings true insofar as my previous attempts to tackle the problems clearly made my husband avoid me instead of joining me in the tackle. He prescribes a couple of small tasks to reconnect, which again seem sensible. We'll see what comes up next week.


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## bella09

Elenap- I just want to say THANK YOU! I wish you all the best and I look forward to reading your posts about Mort's Marriage Fitness. I've started looking into the different package options and researching reviews just over the past few days and I'd love to hear from anyone who is or has done this.

My story:
We've had a few things happened that have majorly affected our relationship over the past year, but whenever I've tried discussing them to get them resolved, he always thinks I'm starting an argument. When all I really want is for us both to feel better and not argue at all. We have always acknowledged the issues that we have, but in attempt to resolve things we've always wound up fighting more and pushing each other away. I understand Mort's philosophy of not discussing your problems and focusing on reconnecting, but I try doing that alot and my husband always says, how can you act like nothing's happened. I don't, but I try to put it behind us and move forward and he wakes up everyday with a chip on his shoulder just being mean to me. There hasn't been any infidelity, it's a communication breakdown if you ask me. 
I'd really like to reconnect and then address issues as they come along, but I don't know how. My husband is so stubborn sometimes and I know I can be too, but this is our life and I'm doing everything I can think of.
I look forward to hearing from anyone!


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## elenap

Bella09, I hope things are going well for you, and I'll be curious to hear what you end up doing.

I have now been through the second tele-seminar in which Fertel develops some of his ideas about what you should DO to begin to build goodwill in your relationship. I was disappointed with the beginning of it - he invites the listeners to respond if they've made certain priorities in their lives and no one does, and then he says, "see, I knew it, none of you," when actually we're all listening to a recording and it was impossible to respond. That felt disingenuous. That said, his advice continues to ring true and to offer me specific things I can do to attempt to make progress in my marriage.

I have also listened to a bunch of past Q&A tele-seminars, and I'm at a place where I can say what he will say before he responds to his callers. He has a single firm image of what a marriage should be like (e.g. you should have joint finances in a joint account only and it's divisive for you to agree as a couple to do anything different) that I don't always agree with, but he has a clear and coherent argument for everything he says. 

Similarly, he is socially conservative with a strong Christian background, and while his program doesn't need you to share that foundation, I can imagine some people (my husband) being put off by his references to the Bible. It's not a fair criticism, though, since the Bible is just one of many wisdom traditions that Fertel draws on for examples and pithy sayings. If you are worried that he will try to push couples into traditional gender roles or something like that, have no fear - he is ABSOLUTELY evenhanded. 

I find myself feeling a bit hopeful about my own marriage, if for no other reason because my husband remains the sweet, indulgent man he always was while I'm listening to so many other people struggle with extremes like repeatedly adulterous spouses. That hope scares me - I fear I'm setting myself up for another crash. But I know what Mort Fertel would say: attempting to fix the relationship IS a risk, and it IS hard, and some of it WILL hurt. It's fine if you decide not to take the risk, but be honest with yourself and make the choice consciously. And looking at it that way, it's clear my husband is worth it and I'm staying in the program.

Until next week...


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## elenap

I have since gotten the book and workbook and CDs. It's interesting to listen to the Q&A CDs, although I've listened to him enough now that I find I know what he will say before he says it. Likewise, the CDs that come in the package, at least the ones I've listened to so far, say basically the same things as the evening call ins for the TeleBoot Camp. I think the point of the call in schedule is (1) not everyone has home internet, and it could be really hard to listen to a 90 minute lecture about saving your marriage from your work or library computer and (2) it puts you on a schedule - you can't try to fly through it too fast, and there is a schedule to keep bringing you back for seven weeks.

I am currently struggling with the exercises in the binder. One piece of advice is to put your issues aside and just build goodwill for now. Another is to institute talk charges, touch charges and date night. So what if one of our issues was that I wanted to continue with date night and my husband wants me to stop imposing on his time. Mort advises that you NOT give your partner space, but he also advises you not to address the issues for now, and I'm confused about what that means in my case. I WANT to spend more time with my husband, but if that's the issue...

Another challenge for me right now buying into the Marriage Fitness philosophy is about affairs. My husband has just, in the past month, started talking about a "friend" who doesn't have a name. That is, he lives about two hours away and everyone else he's met there he's talked about in terms of their name and how he knows them. Just in the past few weeks, I called one night and he was having dinner with "a friend." Day before yesterday he had to see the doctor and since anesthesia was involved, he had "a friend" take him to and from the appointment and it was the friend that the doctor was advised to talk to while hubby was coming out of anesthesia (I cannot begin to tell you how jealous I am that taking him to his appointment did not fall to me). And then we were talking about his vacation this summer and he has scheduled a second camping trip when he didn't have time to go anywhere with me, during the time that I'm on vacation, with "a friend." I am certain that they are all the same person. Mort says affairs never last because the one thing he knows about the other woman is that she's willing to get into a relationship with a married man. So have no fear it will fail. I have all kinds of fears. She offers the fun and lack of baggage of a new relationship and while I am acutely aware that if I try to start something new before I understand how I screwed up the old one, I'll just be condemned to repeat the same mistakes, but the old one lasted for 12 wonderful years, so how do I know that his new relationship won't last 12 wonderful years. (Do I even want him to lose out on that if he really can't be happy with me?) And I DON'T know that she's the sort of jerk who dates married men. He lives in a different town, he doesn't wear a wedding band, and in his head it's just a matter of getting the legal stuff taken care of. She could be completely amazing and wonderful and think of him as single.

Sigh. Lone ranger track SUCKS.


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## toolate

I think the point of the spend time with each other but dont talk about any of your issues. Talk about things you would talk about on a date. 

Sorry about the "friend" that can be a tough possiblity to swallow. Perhaps it truley is a friend, and I understand your struggle.


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## elenap

I understand what you mean about talking like it's a date, and I'm good with controlling my topics when I talk with him. What I'm confused about is that asking him to spend time with me is one of the issues. So how do I get the time to hang out and NOT talk about our issues if I'm butting heads with one of the issues by continuing to call him daily on the phone or continuing to ask him to spend time with me?


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## elenap

Tele Seminar 3 is about giving gifts. Fertel spends a bunch of the time arguing that although we all know that loving someone encourages us to give them thoughtful gifts, it's also true that giving someone thoughtful gifts creates love between the two of you. There is also some discussion of what kinds of gifts to give, and encouragement to be all the more generous if you don't feel like giving because your spouse is being a butt. Seems simple enough, and can hardly hurt, so I'll put this into practice to a greater extent than I have been doing.

I was irritated again by Fertel's comments about his live tele-seminars and how he's not reading from a script but speaking from his heart. Maybe that was true when he recorded them, but they're not live. Some of the "live" tele-seminars are happening at the same time as he's taking questions in the telephone Q&A sessions.

Oh, warning to those of you thinking you'll sign up and take advantage of the money back guarantee: it's got several catch-22s in it, so be careful. The guarantee says you can get your money back if you (1) attempt the program - which would include filling in the workbook which is copyrighted and you're expressly forbidden to xerox it without permission, and (2) return the materials in resellable condition - which would require not filling in the workbook; if you (3) have had your one-on-one laser session - supposed to be scheduled for late in the seven week program, and (4) ask for your money back within 30 days - the beginning of the seven week boot camp.

I'm sounding negative but the truth is having a "program," even if it doesn't work, has allowed me to switch my focus and stop driving my husband crazy by trying to make him talk about our problems, so for that alone it's worth it to me.


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## elenap

Teleseminars 4 and 5 are around his idea of "moving from me to we" and he tells a number of stories to illustrate the necessity of acting as a team rather than looking to have your spouse meet your needs. One argument he makes is that if you look to have your needs met you'll always find that you have more needs and you're still not happy. If, on the other hand, you make it your life's work to make your spouse happy, you'll get the joy of pleasing someone you love and a happy marriage, and that will make everything else you don't have okay. This seems like wise advice to me, although these two weeks seem more aimed at people in the Duo track. 

That reminded me that there really isn't any difference between the Duo and Lone Ranger tracks in the program - the difference is just that some participants see themselves as being in one group or the other. But the teleseminars, the Q&A conferences, the book, the CDs and the workbook are all the same for both groups. Some of the exercises in the workbook do describe small tweaks to how you should do the activity based on which track you're in. For example, he rails in one teleseminar about the craziness of writing your marriage mission statement alone - you and your spouse might come up with different missions for what is supposed to be the same marriage - but if you're in the lone ranger track you have no choice. If your spouse comes around and you eventually come to the duo track, you can re-write it.

One other thought about the program that was on my mind listening to these most recent teleseminars (which, by the way, are the same content as the CD of the same number) was I wonder what his success rate is. A lot of the program is based on the idea that you should tolerate just about anything your spouse dishes out while you're trying to get them to join you in reconciling the marriage and just have hope that it will pay off. Mort claims his techniques are the MOST likely to work and quoted a statistic in the first teleseminar something like 75% of couples who go to marriage counseling are divorced or say things are worse a year later. I'm certainly in that 75%, but he doesn't say anything about what his stats are. He has a lot of testimonials on his web site (dozens to hundreds) but since he claims to have worked with thousands of couples, that means at least 90% of them aren't represented in his testimonials. Which could just mean people were successful but wanted to keep their private lives to themselves. Whatever - that's my review for this week.


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## elenap

Well, I finished reading the book. I realized that the book, the CDs and the teleconferences are Fertel's way of giving you the same information in a bunch of different formats. One of the CDs, teleconference 6, and one chapter of the book is about "save yourself". I have a hard time taking seriously the idea that you should avoid touching people of the opposite sex so that you can be more in tune to the thrill when you touch your spouse, although the truth is I have very little human contact now that my marriage is on the rocks. Maybe "needing" my husband more makes me more committed to fixing things - now if I only knew HOW to fix them.

There is just one teleconference left, and if I want to have my ten-minute laser session with Fertel, I have to do it in the next week. I don't really have any questions for him - the program is pretty clear - I should keep doing touch charges and talk charges and sending gifts to my husband and eventually he will come around, and if he hasn't come around yet I just haven't done it enough yet. Now that this program is winding down, the emails I get from Fertel are encouraging me to sign up for a continuing program that would allow me to listen to future Q&A teleconferences and would keep me on his email mailing list. I am completely sold on the idea that if my marriage had turned around in these first seven weeks, I could ruin it all by stopping the things that had caused that turn-around. But I am also feeling really cynical about the money - Fertel sells a paperback book, a binder of exercises that largely parrot the book, pre-recorded teleconferences, spends one night a week doing Q&A teleconferences with his bootcamp participants, and gives each participant 10 minutes of his solo attention. Even if he'd had to earn a professional psychology degree to do this work, $400 per person is a pretty fee for this time commitment on his part. I don't know that buying the whole program got me more than I'd have gotten from buying the book (with all its advertising to join the pay program). I do think listening in to the Q&A has made me feel less alone, although it doesn't give me much hope, since I'm only hearing from the other people whose problems are still overwhelming to them.


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## elenap

There's a nice overview of the program in this radio interview: Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel 8/28/2008 - jsforeman | Internet Radio | Blog Talk Radio


I was also intrigued that at the end of the Tele Boot Camp, there was a mass email asking for a recommendation. I'm sure mine won't end up on the web page since I can't say that anything has changed in my relationship (I'm hoping to fall into that bamboo tree metaphor) but it's clear he's trying to get some sense of how the program served his clients (and of course get positive feedback to post on his web page). Also, in the radio program, the host mentions that she found Mort Fertel because when she mentioned on the air that her marriage was in trouble, tons of her listeners called her to recommend Mort to her.


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## elenap

Five months in to the program and I'll post a couple more observations:

A couple of online reviews have accused Mort Fertel of offering a thinly veiled faith-based program. I would argue that it is not faith based in the sense that you need to share his religious beliefs to be able to follow his arguments. But it is faith-based in the way that faith healing is: if you believe him and follow his instructions precisely, he claims that he has seen very few cases where it didn't work. If you reply that his plan didn't work, he will respond that you haven't followed it carefully enough or for long enough, and you should just stick with it, so it can never be the case that his program isn't successful enough. Fertel is very self-assured and he considers his participants "arrogant" if they question his advice (although you should have a buyer beware attitude to the advice of any competitor who offers competing advice). 

Fertel claims that you don't need to worry about your spouse's affair because affairs never last - if they did why don't we all know stories of long-lasting marriages that started with affairs? Well, one of my cousins is married to a man she started dating before he left his wife, and they've been married, apparently happily, for 22 years. I thought maybe Fertel was right, and my cousin was that rare exception. But check out this brief radio story Infidelity | This American Life and you'll hear that as affairs lose their social stigma, more and more couples are writing in their New York Times wedding announcements that they started as an affair. Ick.

If your spouse is cheating on you, Fertel will argue that you need to be really good to them and your behavior will eventually tug on their heartstrings and they'll have to start treating you well. He believes that no one can stand to just take advantage of their generous spouse forever. I am lucky to be married to someone who isn't just a leech, but I know other relationships where one spouse is quite happy to take and take and take and I suspect that Fertel's advice would fail completely for those marriages.

It would be much easier to take his claims seriously if he offered information on how often the lone ranger track actually "works" (both spouses claim the marriage was renewed and is now happy), but they only post the positive testimonials on the web page (and while there are several saying "we're making progress", there are few to none saying "I started in the lone ranger track and the program lived up to my hopes.")

I hate posting this. Fertel's program may kind of suck and STILL be the best thing out there, and I can't imagine you can make it work without believing in it, so I fear I'm ruining it for someone who could benefit. On the other hand, my five months of listening to and reading his advice (and following it for the most part - I have not given up on shaking hands with people of the opposite sex) leave me convinced that he likes claiming that he is the unquestionable authority and taking your money but isn't so committed to making sure that his program actually works.


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## risingphoenix

Elenap, I want to thank you for your latest update. 

Mort's program was recommended to me by a friend after I told her about my husband's affair. I signed up for the daily emails, then eventually ordered the CDs and book package. My husband is extremely willing to do this with me-in fact I think he's more into it than I am. He suggested we "upgrade" and sign up for the boot camp-the full $400 program. I considered it-until I read your latest post.

My story is this: My husband of 12 years just dropped the bomb on me that he'd been having an affair for the past two months. He said he felt guilty and wanted to make it up to me. He told me the affair made him realize just how much he loves me, and made him see how badly he'd been treating me all these years. (He's emotionally distant and I've been here day after day waiting for him.) His affair was over and I had no idea about it before he came clean.

What you said about Mort's thoughts on affairs wouldn't apply to my situation. Since it's my husband's affair that was what put on the road to needing help, I need something that has a different philosophy than "you have to treat the cheating spouse good so they'll feel guilty and end the affair". I have been nothing BUT good to my husband for the better part of our marriage. It didn't prevent the affair, and I don't need to worry about making him end it because he did already. So, what is his advice for DEALING with the pain, the betrayal, the mistrust? That's what I need help with. Reconnection is good and all, but let's be realistic. Trying to recover from all the damage an affair does requires more than touch charges, talk charges, and date nights. None of that is going to help me reestablish trust, ease the pain of the betrayal, or erase the fact that my husband stepped out on me while our marriage was good and I was the supportive wife, dutifully raising our child and caring for our home-all the while waiting for him to connect with me.

And I know more than a few couples that are happily married and together as a result of an affair. My mother cheated on my father with his childhood best friend. The friend and my mom just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary. My uncle and his current wife were cheating on their spouses, they left them, and now have three kids together and have been married to each other for over 10 years. "Affairs don't last"...yeah, right.

If that's the kind of stuff he's selling, I ain't buying.


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## JohnR617

Last week my wife served me with divorce papers. I signed up for Mort's program with high hopes - but honestly after reading Kiwi's account then he dropped off the map is very disappointing. For I could completely relate to his situation, hopes and desires.

It's tough overcoming issues- I was no saint and didn't make the marriage a happy place for my wife, thus pushing her away and into another's arms. I even started a blog exposing everything about my past and how jacked up it was. 

Going to be starting therapy soon for myself (like I said, I have issues as well) and maybe with Mort's help I can stop some of this anti-relationhip behaviour and start making myself a better person of integrity.

Would like to know how Kiwi faired though - anyone know?


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## elenap

RisingPhoenix, may I suggest another option for you? I have long since finished all the steps of Mort's program without any significant change and am now working with a coach from DivorceBusting.com. Marriage Fitness is $400, which buys you a binder, a book, and some pre-recorded telephone lectures and CDs. My coach will cost me more than that ($120 for an hour-long session every three weeks) because she talks directly to me and helps me craft a plan specific to my circumstances, but it's worth it to me because I don't think Mort's one-size-fits-all was working for me (and I resent his response that if it doesn't work for you, you must not have done what he says to do for long enough). My coach has calmed me down when I'm feeling crazy, given me very specific advice, and ended each phone call with a discussion of how to measure whether what we're trying is working. The folks at DivorceBusting are also willing to say how often their clients are successful (about 90%). And I find this program a little easier to trust because the professionals at DivorceBusting have training beyond their personal experiences and are connected in to an international network of marriage counselors and educators who share best practices with each other. If what you need is help grieving your husband's betrayal, I suspect that talking to an actual person is more likely to help than just having Mort tell you that you need to figure out to what extent it was your fault.


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## elenap

p.s. I also recently joined a face-to-face support group of other people going through what I'm going through, and it really helps to hear other people's stories. Both www.DivorceBusting.com and [url removed by request of website owner] have discussion boards now where you can get support from other program participants.


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## Robert T.

i've been following this and guess i'll chime in. i just signed up for mort fertel's lone ranger track. i've done my homework and except for some of the posts above, he gets high marks all over the web. i first heard about him on the radio. i finally decided to pull the trigger when my counselor and my priest both recommended mort's program IN THE SAME WEEK. they both told me stories of people they've worked with who are in similar situations to mine who said that mort's program saved their marriage. i figure if professionals are recommending the program and they know of people personally who it worked for that's good enough for me. i hope it works. my wife's having an affair and i'm totally devastated. i'll keep you posted. wish me luck.


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## troy

There are two things I like about the program. (1) Its an education in the institution of marriage and how to go about building a strong marriage that keeps love at its core. (2) If your marriage is not saved, you will know a whole lot more about how to create a good marriage the next time around so you dont have to relive the horror of a broken heart.


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## Robert T.

i agree troy, but my concern is my current marriage not another one. i'm having second thoughts and wondering how i can turn my marriage around if it's only me working on it.


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## Robert T.

well, i received my package from mort yesterday, on time and as promised. very professional looking. everything he said he would send he did. 

i started with the dvd (that was an extra i ordered) and it was VERY helpful. i'm starting to see what mort means when he says that one persons efforts can change a marriage. i tried just a little something mort recommended in the dvd and it worked! it was the first time my wife smiled and the first time we laughed together in months. 

i'm still getting mort's free emails even after i ordered the program. they continue to be helpful.

my heart still aches from her affair. it's very hard to be the one trying when i'm the one being betrayed. i love my wife though and i'm not giving up. 

i hope to have more time to get into the materials tonight and then thurs night is the first teleconference with mort. i'll keep you posted.


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## Robert T.

hi everyone. just thought i would update you. 

i'm feeling very encouraged. mort's marriage fitness program has already been worth the $400. 

i'm starting to see how all the different materials he sends work together. i listened to cd 1 (good stuff) and did a related exercise in the workbook which helped me then apply what mort was teaching to my situation. once again, my wife responded positively, which given her coldness over the last few months is a miracle.

so far mort rocks!


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## Robert T.

i heard mort talk about affairs and it was very helpful since my wife is having one. i checked out what he said doing some online research and i also talked to my counselor and it seems mort is right - affairs almost always die. they don't last. of course, there are exceptions, but they're rare. so i now understand that one key to my succeeding with my wife is, in mort's words, "endurance." because if i can hang in there, the affair will end, and she'll see everything differently. in the meantime, i have to admit i'm suffering. and although everything mort says makes sense it doesn't make this any less painful and difficult. 

mort's entire approach to reconnecting when infidelity is involved makes perfect sense to me and gave me a path and some sanity dealing with my wife's affair. it's still painful, but at least i know now how to respond to it and what i need to do to get my wife back.

the teleseminars are great. really helpful. clear advise. every time after them i know what to do next, which is a lot better than moping around wondering what i can do to make a difference and feel frustrated. it's such a relief to have someone like mort giving me regular instruction, and i like that i'm getting it from different places i.e. the cd's, workbook, teleseminars...it all reinforces each other. 

i am still battling occasional depression. and when i think about my wife with another man i'm pained. 

i also still have many unanswered questions that mort didn't get to yet. he's promised answered to these questions and i hope he gets to them. 

i did read somewhere that mort's success rate is over 90%. i hope i'm one of them. i'll keep you posted.


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## Very Hopeful

Robert T... I am so glad that you have posted this information. I have been looking for recent reviews of Mort's program and yours was the most recent I have found. My husband too is having an affair. (although our situation is very complicated) It is time for me to start doing something to change the situation as what I have been doing has not been working and in fact has probably made things worse. You seem to be having postive results so thank you for posting. It makes me hopeful that ordering the program is all going to be worth it.


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## elenap

RobertT, I'm glad Mort's program is helpful to you. I also found that having a program "do THIS" helped keep me sane during the weeks that I had teleseminars, reading, and workbook activities to look forward to. Before that, I felt like a victim, not knowing what to do next. 
Two factual things, one a question and one a statement: 
(1) it seems to be the general consensus of the various counselors and marriage educators who go to the SmartMarriages conference every year that although it feels awful to be in the lone ranger track, if a divorce-prevention program is going to work, that's how it has to work, because the overwhelming majority of divorces are the result of one partner giving up while the other still wants the marriage.
(2) I'd love to know where you found that statistic that 90% of the people who do Mort's program save their marriages. I could use the encouragement of knowing the odds are in my favor!


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## Robert T.

hi elnap. i'm not sure where i saw that stat. sorry. my wife who said she wanted a divorce continues to soften. she said she was moving out, had an appt with an attorney, told me i would be served papers, etc. but none of that has happened. and she's not out as much so i'm wondering if the affair is dying like mort said it would. i'm not going to ask, as per mort's advice. i keep implementing the program. you know what mort says "slow is fast and fast is slow." it is slow but it does feel like i'm moving in the right direction. i'll keep you posted.


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## NewZealand

Hi there everyone, I also wanted to keep you all updated as to how things are going with Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness. Well firstly I did heaps and heaps of research and found a lot more positives then negatives - so let me focus on the positives. I started the course 2 days ago on 01-03-11 I am desperate for things to turn around (like we all are) I am married 19 years to the love of my life, we have 5 children and 2 are teenagers. Things are rough, my wife and I continually argue and things get ugly. The relationship my wife has with our 2 teenagers is really bad. This causes a lot of marriage pressure and so it has come to the time where my wife says she can no longer live with the teenage girls and wants out. She feels I take there side - but the truth is, I have to step in when things turn ugly - I see myself as the "protector" of my family. My wife gets real angry sometimes and has often become real aggressive with the girls, and she really gets out of hand - I just have to step in. I wonder if Mort can help. Much of the stuff I have heard to date and advice from his emails, I am doing already. We will see when I get the CDS and stuff, that I have ordered. I will keep you posted!


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## NewZealand

Hi Everyone - today is TOUGH. I am so down in the dumps, and feel like death, it is really horrible. No matter what I say, what I do, it is all just thrown back at me. I bought my wife a beautiful gift - it was a voucher for a massage, a facial and full on treatment, just for her. I could see by her response it was not received. I am sworn at, and sent really nasty emails. My response is - I love you. Not once yet have I responded back with fire, I just humble myself. I am spoken to harshly, and so rudely, with zero respect. How much more can I take? I am still waiting for the cds from Mort, I am sure they on the way.


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## elenap

Hey, New Zealand, it's been nine days since you posted, but I wanted to mention a couple things to you.

First is an article I'll suggest you read from DivorceBusting dot com: www dot divorcebusting dot com/blog/do-nothing-a-novel-approach-to-solving-marriage-problems/
It's about another couple dealing with the fact that one partner felt the need to protect their child from the harshness of the other. Maybe it will help you find a different way to respond to your wife that doesn't produce a fight between you.

The other thing I wanted to mention is the danger of responding "I love you." Every time you say that when your wife doesn't feel it, you remind her that she doesn't feel it, and you may make her feel like you're pressuring her to respond in kind. I think Mort's advice would be to SHOW her that you love her, but stop saying it.

Best wishes - I hope things are looking up since your last post.


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## kap74

I have been maried for 16 years. As any marriage, we have had our ups and downs. 4 years ago my husband cheated on me. It wasn't sexual, only emotional but still tore my heart. I got through that and worked at our marriage. We had recovered and things were good. One day, 6 months ago, my husband tells me he is not sure if he is in love with me. He doesn't want to be committed. He wants to come and go as he pleases without having to tell me when and where. AT the same time, he says he wants to try to get back that "it" feeling and that"love"feeling and try to save our marriage. We don't sleep in the same room and have very little physical contact. No hugs, carresses or kisses. Is it over, is this just a midlifecrisis. I want to save my marriage. What can I do?? Is there hope if I am the only one really trying?? He refuses therapy or counseling or talking about it. How can I bring back that love we once had. I know it is there, or else he would have walked out by now. How can I convince him it is there and to let it out again? Can this program really help? Is there something better??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ser Pounce-A-Lot

kap74 said:


> I have been maried for 16 years. As any marriage, we have had our ups and downs. 4 years ago my husband cheated on me. It wasn't sexual, only emotional but still tore my heart. I got through that and worked at our marriage. We had recovered and things were good. One day, 6 months ago, my husband tells me he is not sure if he is in love with me. He doesn't want to be committed. He wants to come and go as he pleases without having to tell me when and where. AT the same time, he says he wants to try to get back that "it" feeling and that"love"feeling and try to save our marriage. We don't sleep in the same room and have very little physical contact. No hugs, carresses or kisses. Is it over, is this just a midlifecrisis. I want to save my marriage. What can I do?? Is there hope if I am the only one really trying?? He refuses therapy or counseling or talking about it. How can I bring back that love we once had. I know it is there, or else he would have walked out by now. How can I convince him it is there and to let it out again? Can this program really help? Is there something better??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi,

Absolutely. I feel that Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel really saved my marriage. I did the program by myself and it helped me see the problems I was bringing to marriage and I was able to embrace what love really means (love is described as a 'verb' by Mort). Once I focused on what I could do change the relationship the dynamics started to change and I felt really connected to my spouse. Eventually we reconciled and have been happily married ever since.

If you have more specific questions, feel free to let me know.

Take care.


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## Odis

Hello all. I too am seeking some valid reviews of the Marriage Fitness Program. I see many positive reports regarding the program, but little information as to what the program actually entails and in what ways does it effect relationships. As many others have suggested, I signed up and have been receiving the emails from Mort Fertel's website. The emails inspire hope, however they appear to me to be nothing more than enticements as used on the evening news; stay tuned... more interesting stuff to come. He offers the what, but not the how! One person mentioned that Mort suggests giving gifts. OK, but that doesn't seem overly insightful information to me. Giving gifts is one of the languages of love described by Gary Chapman in the "The Five Languages of Love". Seems pretty simple, common sense information. I don't mean to criticize or discredit the program by Mort Fertel. I just want to know that what he offers is valid. If so I might consider enrolling in his boot camp!


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## Ser Pounce-A-Lot

Odis said:


> Hello all. I too am seeking some valid reviews of the Marriage Fitness Program. I see many positive reports regarding the program, but little information as to what the program actually entails and in what ways does it effect relationships. As many others have suggested, I signed up and have been receiving the emails from Mort Fertel's website. The emails inspire hope, however they appear to me to be nothing more than enticements as used on the evening news; stay tuned... more interesting stuff to come. He offers the what, but not the how! One person mentioned that Mort suggests giving gifts. OK, but that doesn't seem overly insightful information to me. Giving gifts is one of the languages of love described by Gary Chapman in the "The Five Languages of Love". Seems pretty simple, common sense information. I don't mean to criticize or discredit the program by Mort Fertel. I just want to know that what he offers is valid. If so I might consider enrolling in his boot camp!


Hi Odis,

The e-mails are definitely enticing but the real work does begin in the program itself. I found that the program really helped my situation. A basic outline would be:

1) Focus on fixing yourself
2) Talk charges (how to connect with words)
3) Touch charges (how to connect with touch)
4) Date night (how to discipline yourself to a designated date night every week)
5) How to rebuild trust
6) Effective ways to understand your spouse

That is just a basic summary as the program offers alot more than that. 

Let me know if you have more questions.


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## learningAsIgo

A message to all from the Cheater and unbeliever. Three years ago I tainted my marriage and revieled a 2yr affair to my husband. We were about to have our second child and we worked things out as best we could going to counseling and me being as honest as possible. 
Fast forward 3yrs later and his forgivness never really was there that entire time, but for me it was too late. I had worked so hard to regain his trust and love him as best I knew how. We just were not on the same page all that time, and I thought we were.
A few months ago we separated, moving into different homes and I was DONE, given up and ready to enjoy the "single mom life" as we have been together since I was 16yrs old. 
Fast forward again 6 months later and my husband has tried so hard to patch our broken marriage. After finding Morts website he realized many things he had neglected in our marriage. He began sending me Mort Fertel emails a few months back and on occassion I would read, but remember I was in a different frame of mind, done with trying! Last night I finally put in Morts CD that my husband left for me to listen to a few weeks ago. I thought, "What the heck, why not listen while I clean house just to appease him". After a slow start I found myself sitting on the couch actually listening and understanding what he meant. Words that seemed SO SIMPLE yet turned on a switch in my heart, in my mind and I continued on to CD #2 and now I'm on #3 and have told my husband I'm ready to TRY! Those were words he thought he'd never hear again. 
This may seem crazy, but this is coming from someone who felt her 10yr marriage after many little issues that built up and one major issue of my affair, is finally ready to realize that I have one amazing person to LOVE in my life. He has stood by me through thick and thin and I know I married him all those years ago for a reason. *Finding a new partner in my life would only result in the same or similar issues we face now, and most of which can be fixed. * My affair years ago was in result to my unhapiness in my marriage and I can guarentee wouldn't happen again. I know for those of you out there being cheated ON, you must find a way to help detour your spouse from feeling they are getting more love away from home, because they are BLINDED by the affair right now and in that "falling" stage thinking everything is new and fun and exciting. It may be hard to even reason with them, but if your dedicated enough like my husband was and they are able to remove themselves from the affair, thing CAN get better.

I will try to update everyone as we go and share my story. I am open to helping others so if you want to ask me questions, feel free. 
This won't be something to fix overnight, as we've had some problems for a few years now, but I have a good feeling we are both ready for change and to CREATE LOVE as Mort says.


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## learningAsIgo

Kap74 - I am the female version of your husband - I cheated emotionally and physically. We worked on things and several months ago told my husband the SAME thing your spouse told you. I just wrote a post about where I am today and how Mort Fertel has played a major role in that. 
I too like your husband needed that "it" feeling that was there when I first met my husband and thought that finding someone else would solve that problem. 
I hope your husband realizes that as exciting as meeting someone new or being with someone else it's really only a temporary releif to that Need we all have - which is LOVE! I was lost and confused about why I had this empty need and so far I'm on CD#3 and Mort has made me realize it's a need we ALL have and I'm normal! Who would of thought - this is not a mid-life crisis as I suspected, it's just something all marriages go through and you have to be willing to work on.


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## starting over

Hi all - I've given much consideration to joining the Tele-Boot Camp, and your posts have given me more confidence in the program. My hesitation is based on my fear that my marriage is already over, despite my unwavering commitment to save it. 

Two years ago I had a miscarriage, 4 months after that my mother-in-law passed away. Neither my husband nor I were in a good place, but I denied the miscarriage was significant to my unhappiness, and my husband is non-communicative about his emotions to begin with. I felt like I was failing him and regretfully had an affair. It was short-lived, and ended as soon as my husband (finally) agreed to go to counseling with me. After 9 mos of counseling things were slowly improving and we had talked again about starting a family, but then my husband found out about my affair (which ended 10 mos earlier). He kicked me out of the house and asked for a divorce 2 days later. We've been living separately for 5 months and have signed divorce papers (my reason for doing so was to give him what he wanted in the hopes that it would lead him to forgiveness faster, and with that the possibility of reconciling). The only contact we have is in regards to our dog (shared custody) and when he asks me to remove items from the house (most of which has been completed). I also know that he's been physically involved with at least one woman (she was in my bed the morning he asked me to come over for furniture), and emotionally involved with others, over the course of the last month or so. I know that he's hurt and angry, as well he should be, but I still believe in _us_ as a couple. I'm 100% committed to him and to our marriage.

If I join Mort's program, I'd clearly be in the Lone Ranger track, but based on the experiences of anyone reading this - is there any point anymore, or is my marriage too far gone? He just says he needs his space, so what can I do?


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## Ser Pounce-A-Lot

starting over said:


> Hi all - I've given much consideration to joining the Tele-Boot Camp, and your posts have given me more confidence in the program. My hesitation is based on my fear that my marriage is already over, despite my unwavering commitment to save it.
> 
> Two years ago I had a miscarriage, 4 months after that my mother-in-law passed away. Neither my husband nor I were in a good place, but I denied the miscarriage was significant to my unhappiness, and my husband is non-communicative about his emotions to begin with. I felt like I was failing him and regretfully had an affair. It was short-lived, and ended as soon as my husband (finally) agreed to go to counseling with me. After 9 mos of counseling things were slowly improving and we had talked again about starting a family, but then my husband found out about my affair (which ended 10 mos earlier). He kicked me out of the house and asked for a divorce 2 days later. We've been living separately for 5 months and have signed divorce papers (my reason for doing so was to give him what he wanted in the hopes that it would lead him to forgiveness faster, and with that the possibility of reconciling). The only contact we have is in regards to our dog (shared custody) and when he asks me to remove items from the house (most of which has been completed). I also know that he's been physically involved with at least one woman (she was in my bed the morning he asked me to come over for furniture), and emotionally involved with others, over the course of the last month or so. I know that he's hurt and angry, as well he should be, but I still believe in _us_ as a couple. I'm 100% committed to him and to our marriage.
> 
> If I join Mort's program, I'd clearly be in the Lone Ranger track, but based on the experiences of anyone reading this - is there any point anymore, or is my marriage too far gone? He just says he needs his space, so what can I do?


Hi,

I can tell you that Mort has helped people who have gone through divorce and then have re-married. So, it is not too late. I went through complete and total disconnection with my spouse only to re-connect and build a wonderful life together. I was in the Lone Ranger program too. Even if you don't end up getting back together with your ex-husband the voyage of self-discovery and self-confidence I gained from program was immense and would help you succeed in future relationships.

So, in other words, I can't recommend it highly enough 

Good luck!


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## learningAsIgo

starting over said:


> Hi all - I've given much consideration to joining the Tele-Boot Camp, and your posts have given me more confidence in the program. My hesitation is based on my fear that my marriage is already over, despite my unwavering commitment to save it.
> 
> Two years ago I had a miscarriage, 4 months after that my mother-in-law passed away. Neither my husband nor I were in a good place, but I denied the miscarriage was significant to my unhappiness, and my husband is non-communicative about his emotions to begin with. I felt like I was failing him and regretfully had an affair. It was short-lived, and ended as soon as my husband (finally) agreed to go to counseling with me. After 9 mos of counseling things were slowly improving and we had talked again about starting a family, but then my husband found out about my affair (which ended 10 mos earlier). He kicked me out of the house and asked for a divorce 2 days later. We've been living separately for 5 months and have signed divorce papers (my reason for doing so was to give him what he wanted in the hopes that it would lead him to forgiveness faster, and with that the possibility of reconciling). The only contact we have is in regards to our dog (shared custody) and when he asks me to remove items from the house (most of which has been completed). I also know that he's been physically involved with at least one woman (she was in my bed the morning he asked me to come over for furniture), and emotionally involved with others, over the course of the last month or so. I know that he's hurt and angry, as well he should be, but I still believe in _us_ as a couple. I'm 100% committed to him and to our marriage.
> 
> If I join Mort's program, I'd clearly be in the Lone Ranger track, but based on the experiences of anyone reading this - is there any point anymore, or is my marriage too far gone? He just says he needs his space, so what can I do?


Dear Starting Over,

I'm sorry to hear of your situation and I can definately relate to portions of it. Fortunately my husband forgave me for my infidelity, although it took a VERY long time - about 3yrs to be exact for him to say the words "I forgive you" and to let go of the anger. 
After all that happened we had yet gone through another "down time" which is where we are now and I asked for my "freedom and space" from my husband. He did move out, however he never gave up and continued to show his interest and what I saw at the time as pestering I now appreciate that he never gave up. Don't give him complete freedom, it only causes more distance and allows him to move on. That's my perspective from being someone who wanted space from my husband. Had he given me the space, I would of felt like I was ready to move on and gone forward with a divorce. 
I can't say we are totally on page with one another yet, but there is at least still a chance and I'm giving him that chance because of Mort's CD's. 
My husband left me the at home CD's to listen to and they sat for weeks because I didn't care. Well I finally took a listen and it made a big difference. Maybe try that with our ex-husband. Give him the option to listen and don't force anything. Either way, Morts CD's are good for current and/or future relationships for anyone.


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## NakashimaTaiki

SO, by taking and reading the book, since I can only afford the book, this will help me grow stronger together with my fiancee and help us patch alot of holes from our past and now up?


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## Ser Pounce-A-Lot

NakashimaTaiki said:


> SO, by taking and reading the book, since I can only afford the book, this will help me grow stronger together with my fiancee and help us patch alot of holes from our past and now up?


The book is excellent if you can't afford the Boot Camp or CDs. I would also suggest signing up for the free e-mails on Mort's website.


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## Svensk

Today is Monday 6/6/2011. I just signed up for the CD’s based on the postings in this Blog. Thank you all for helping all the people with your support and comments. I hope I can find the same solace in this that others have; but I worry that I’m not a strong enough person.

I have been crying and angry and depressed for 2 days now since my wife of 15 years told me that she has become emotionally invested in another man. She tells me the feelings that she has for this person are real and that she doesn’t want to hurt me or the children, but she needs things between us to change. She says that she is willing to work on this together. I found Mort’s program because I need to find a way to look into myself and fix the broken patterns of my relationship. I’m hoping we will stick with it.

Here is our story. We have 3 children, one an early teen and two approaching the teen years. I lost my job nearly 4 years ago and have been building a business out of my home for the past 3+ years. Financially it has been very difficult, but we’re very close to making it all work. There are issues of debt that still will need to be addressed and certainly savings for the future as it has taken all of our savings to avoid having to sell the house. This has helped bring quite a bit of stress to our lives and we’ve grown distant with each other. I have always thought that things were relatively amicable between us. Sure we’ve had our share of disagreements, but we always seemed to resolve them. As I look at the situation, we haven’t been terribly kind or thoughtful in the ways we approached each other as of late, but I chalked it up to the financial stresses we’ve been under. My wife works a the local elementary school where two of my children still attend and is your typical soccer Mom. She volunteered to be the team manager for all 3 of my children’s teams and does a very good job of it. It has become her favorite hobby/pastime. She has seemed to never get enough of it. On Saturday she announced to me that the person she is emotionally attached to is my daughter’s soccer coach (who is also married). He has returned the emotion and advances from my wife. She had always joked that she liked him and thought he was sexy; I never saw it coming! The pain is unbearable!

For the past two days we have been trying to improve communication and work through some glaring issues the best we can, but we need more help. I am trying to work past her relationship with him. She has told me that she will give up the soccer responsibilities and the constant communications with this man – no phone calls and no texting – to work on our marriage. She has told me that she will no longer go to practices and be there near him. But she believes that moving my daughter to another team or club would be disastrous for the child and that we can still have this man be her coach without issues. I don’t know if I can ever get comfortable with that. And I fear that the biggest obstacle we face will be trust issues going forward. Am I wrong, but isn’t trust really the basis for sound relationships? Can people really work through major trust issues when trust has been so badly broken?


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## Svensk

Monday 6/13/2011 and things have really been up and down for the past week. We haven’t received our package from Mort yet, but expect to get it when we return from our extended travels. In the mean time, I’ve been listening to some of his recordings on the web and reading some of his writings. The pain is still with me and has been since my wife told me that she has emotions for another man. At times it is unbearable – tears, general feeling of sick, inability to eat, inability to sleep, nothing good. I’ve not seen anything from him about how to deal with that; just put your trouble behind you. Much harder to do than to say!

We had a “date” night on Tuesday and had a really nice time. Wednesday was good and things seemed to be going along – still talking and trying to make sense of all this. On Thursday we all left for an extended family vacation; my wife and three kids and me. The long drive that day was full of conversation, some good and some bad. We tried to table our problems without much success. After checking into the Hotel, my wife and kids went to the pool, I went in search of a wifi location as I wasn’t able to hook-up from the room. I walked into the pool area and there was my wife on the phone with the soccer coach again. No remorse, no excuses. Things escalated to the discussion on divorce/separation and separation/divorce. The kids were dragged into it at this point. Shame on us! We went to the airport the next day in Chicago to send my wife back home and I would travel on with the kids to their Grandmother’s. At the airport we couldn’t find a flight on short notice and had a lengthy discussion over the right thing to do. Long story short we ALL traveled on to our destination. Lots of heavy and unhappy discussion pursued for the next couple of days.

Then an epiphany for me! Reading Mort’s emails, it became clear to me that I was very much the problem. I lost my way. We started out wanting each other to grow and mature. We started to have a family. Somewhere along the line my attention was more on the kids and my work than was on my wife. I stopped learning about her, cherishing her, and I just figured that she would always be there. Guess what? I was wrong. She is a person that needs lots of friends and lots of attention. I am a person that doesn’t; I am quite self sufficient and expect that everyone else should be. I neglected my wife, I was critical of her, I rejected her, I was often short with her (she just saw that as me being angry with her), I was blind to her needs, I took her for granted. Shame on me! Now I’m trying to focus on my growth and my missing tools and making her the center of attention.

This is not to say that I am all to blame, my wife bears some culpability in all this as well. She gave up trying to communicate with me. She lost faith in me and she stopped trying to be my friend. The soccer coach is still and A**Hole and I have no respect for the cad, but I can’t do anything about it without hurting my child or my wife’s wishes. Oh, how I’d like revenge and vindication, but it will have to be at the hands of another.

Can’t wait for Mort’s stuff. We may need to have a neighbor send it to us as it didn’t arrive before we left.


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## AFEH

Svensk, you may want to repost this in the Coping with Infidelity forum, loads of help there.


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## InsuranceRater

risingphoenix said:


> So, what is his advice for DEALING with the pain, the betrayal, the mistrust? That's what I need help with. Reconnection is good and all, but let's be realistic. Trying to recover from all the damage an affair does requires more than touch charges, talk charges, and date nights. None of that is going to help me reestablish trust, ease the pain of the betrayal, or erase the fact that my husband stepped out on me while our marriage was good and I was the supportive wife, dutifully raising our child and caring for our home-all the while waiting for him to connect with me.
> 
> And I know more than a few couples that are happily married and together as a result of an affair. My mother cheated on my father with his childhood best friend. The friend and my mom just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary. My uncle and his current wife were cheating on their spouses, they left them, and now have three kids together and have been married to each other for over 10 years. "Affairs don't last"...yeah, right.
> 
> If that's the kind of stuff he's selling, I ain't buying.


That is where I am...dealing with the affair. I think my husband has had more than one, but he will not admit or deny any of it. He is my best friend of 21 years, and husband of 10. We did not meet under the best circumstances, all those years ago. We were both married to other people, but our marriages to our spouses were already on the rocks. 

We lived together for 11 years before we got married, we had a 7 year old daughter together. To give you an idea of timeline, our daughter is now 18. During the years _before_ we married, my 'husband' would spend 2, 3, 4 days away, and come home...with no explanation about where he had been or what he had done. He would say it was none of my business because we weren't married. I was so frightened and scared about being on my own I tolerated it because I had no job, no money...and our daughter to take care of. He provided a roof over our heads and groceries in the cabinet. The years wore on....and when our daughter turned 7, she asked me why my last name was different than hers. Well, that started the beginning of the really bad stuff between me and her dad. Her dad and I went to the courthouse and got married. 

As his wife I started demanding to know about these absences. After we married, he didn't do it as much. It turned from being gone several days, to a very late nite, or one over night. When I would ask him about it, he always seemed to have a plausible explanation. I never followed up though to see if he was telling me the truth, because I didn't want to find out if he had cheated. I preferred to live in ignorance and strife.

In 2006, it finally smacked me in the face and I couldn't deny it any longer. Buy this time, our daughter was now 14. My husband's father had passed away, and I insisted his mother live with us who was suffering from Alzheimers. I do not have to tell you who 95% of her care fell to. I worked all day at my stressful job, came home to take care of his mother, give her her meds, feed her, clean her, and put her to bed. My weekends were non existent, the mother/daughter Saturdays I used to spend with our daughter stopped. 

On the Saturday before Mother's day, my husband was out on a martial arts tournament weekend. These happened one a month, always within the state. He would drive to where ever it was, and come right back. But the last couple of months they turned into 1 and 2 night trips. I suspected. I went to our business that he ran, to get a little cash I knew he kept stashed there as I needed to grocery shop. I went in, and found flowers there...daisys, a bouquet laying on a counter. I broke in half. Life went on, and I still did not confront him. The following September, I was putting away his socks in the sock drawer, and something made me check the box of condoms he kept there. I knew it should almost be full. No, there was only two there, and one was a brand that did not belong to the box. Still, I did not confront him. By this time the martial arts season was done. 

I finally confronted him on Christmas night. He would not admit or deny. And that is how we have been living life. He has said he was sorry he hurt me and would never do it again. I have been getting Mort's emails and have been reading them with great interest. Forgetting about the problems and moving on seems like a terrific idea. My husband moved out New Years eve, and we are both struggling financially. However, as I visit my husband at our business and we go on weekly dates, I can't forget the affair he won't admit to. I have no problem touching my husband, talking with him...he laps it up like water. I get big bear hugs from him in return, and he tells me how much he misses me. I miss him. But damn it...all the infidelity...all those years ago. 

They say love is a crazy thing. I have no doubt we love each other. I can't get past it. I am sure he would love to live with me again and act like nothing happened. I am the one who can't do it. I have not looked at another man or considered one. After the failure of my first marriage, I made a commitment to myself I would never do that again. If I married again, it would be for life. So for now we are in limbo. He lives 20 miles away in a little three room apartment he shares with his disabled brother. I live in a big two income house struggling along on one income. We can come together and talk, have fun, eat out...do things together. But to have an intimate life under the same roof? I throw up a brick wall. I hope Mort's stuff can help. Right now it is only the emails. I have no money for anything else. Per one of Mort's suggestions, I have tried giving my husband things...since money is scarce for me, I have to be creative. One thing I bring him on these hot days after a long day of work is a large container of iced water, with slices of lemon in it. He loves it. I got a jar of his favorite jam...seedless blackberry. He didn't know what to say. And occasional touch, a simple kiss.

But in the back of my mind it is always there. "You cheated on me...you cheated on me..." It is eating me alive.


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## jayde

Hey . . .hate to sound cynical, but, is this thread a big long info-mercial. I see some of the posters have a bunch of post, but there's enought with just a handful. Just wondering. . .


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## roxygirl398

*help!*

I am also interested in getting Mort's marriage fitness program. My husband and I have been struggling for years and just the last 6months has been cheating(both sides) reconcile and now seperation again. I love this man so much and there is so much hurt and anger but I am willing to work it out and he doesnt think it can work. Can this really work with me not living with him and doing it all on my own? I am scared to lose him and dont even want to. Im so sad. He is also in the navy and leaving for a year, I feel so defeated.


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## krisc82

I realize it's been a long while since any of you have posted, but I'm hoping you see this. I googled Marriage Fitness and found this forum. Ok, here goes my story.

I have been married for almost 5 years. 1st and only Marriage. I loved once before and got crushed. Husband was married fresh out of high school at 19. Had his daughter at 21 and rasied his ex-wife's two boys. 6 months or so after he divorced, we met. I had just gotten out of a terrible relationship of one yr. He consoled me and made me feel good about myself. We helped each other become whole again. 

We have fought a LOT. At first it was me trying to adjust to a settled calm life with new 7 yr old soon to be step-daughter. I am to blame for most of that back then. I didn't know how to share my husband with his little girl. We got thru it and I became a wife and mother. My husband had some trust issues from his first marriage. She cheated and lied most of their marriage but, he stuck it out for his daughter until he called her bluff on a "break" and filed for divorce. So, I understood the trust issues with him and I reassured him as much as possible. I adjusted to the family life and I completely trusted him. I felt safe. After a year, most of our fights were only stupid little disagreements here and there and about money and the usual. No big deal, right?

We bought a house closer to the Air Force base(he's in the USAF) and things got a little tough again. Sept. 2010 he had to go to a 6 week school in Biloxi. I knew I'd miss him but, I was also looking forward to being on my own with my step-daughter and having the freedom to do what I want when I want. Plus, I knew I could trust him. No worries. I went to see him that first weekend aafter he'd gotten there. I It was great. Hated to leave him to go back home. A week or two went by where he would call before class and as soon as he got out of class, texting in between. Always telling me how lonely it was and how much he missed us. . Then he started to seem to busy for me. Was drinking every night and going to the casinos. I didn't think much of it and figured he'd never gotten the chance to have no responsibilities because he got married and had a kid. 

He'd tell me how the few girls there were ****s and how one of them screwed their instructor and a classmate and how gross that was. I flew down for his graduation at the end of the six weeks as planned. I could tell he really didn't care for me to come anymore. Even said I'd be bored because I didn't know these friends he bonded with. That didn't make sense to me. After grad. at a casino there, he was wasted and disappeared for an hour. I ignored it and we had fun. Drove home the next day and things were weird. Hiding his phone. Texting constantly telling me he'd made these friends and blah blah blah. I accused and tried to believe it was nothing bad while fighting constantly because of it. I wised up after a week and checked the numbers he was texting on my phone account. Figured out it was the **** he'd spoke about. Called him out and he flipped it on me all the while he was making feel crazy for suspecting. Said they were friends and she was like hanging with a guy. I told him if he continued that, I was gone. I caught him again soon after and the hurt and pain went on and on and on. Multiple secret emails. Facebook messages. He cheated on me emotionally at the very least. I kept catching him talking to her again. Said I was crazy for checking up on him and It was my fault. I caught him yet again and left ready for a divorce. Finally, he said I was right and realized he'd made an emotional connection with her. Talking to her rather than me and that its was ruining us. 

All of the sudden, he wants to fly to CA to see his mother without me and that it should be fine by me even tho, he hadnt had a good relationship with her before and was terrified to fly. We fought about that for a month before he decided he was going. Said he needed time to clear his head about everything. So, there again, I'm at home taking care of his daughter except for every other weekend when her Mom has her. Nothing made sense while he was there but I had to let it go. Two months later I find a picture of him and the girl in CA. He said she happened to be coming thru there the same time. Told his Mom she was a friend. He cried and said he'd do anything if I stayed. 

Ok, so now we haved moved to another base. We are fighting constantly. He has started questioning me about everything, but I haven't given him a reason to not trust me. We are on the verge of a divorce. He says I don't like him anymore. May love him but don't like him. We are constantly clashing and this is out last leg. 

How do I save my marriage? I need my family. My step-daughter would be devistated, also. 
He is willing to try anything before we end it with regret. I have tried letting anything that upsets me go and changing the way I say things and so on. I don't think I can do it anymore. I start noticing things he says or does to me that he gets all over me about when I do it to him, but he can't understand that. 

Help, please. I don't know what the right answer is. Is div. the right thing to do?
Is there no hope?
How do I completely let go of how he broke my heart before with that girll that he may have slept with but would take a bullet before he admitted it. 
Should I order this program I can't afford?
Does it work?

I am sorry for the long detailed story. lI am frantic trying to figure out what is right? I would appreciate anyones advice here.


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## desperateguy

How well would the lone ranger track work if your partner wants NOTHING to do with you not related to the children? Even the most simple compliment is met with extreme hostility. Do I just need to wait for her to calm down a little?


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## SFSunrise

I have read through this thread and am anxious to receive Mort Fertel program in which I just ordered today. Marriage issues seem to come in various forms and times of our lives. I find it amazing that I am ordering this after 26 years of marriage but we may not complete the 27th year if I don't get something from Mort Fertel's program.


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## Lost13

So I've read all of these and feel like i'm reading my life with the tears welling up. I have been married for 10 years. He's the only person I've ever been with. We have 2 children aged 6 and 1. My daughter was about 5 mos old when I felt the distance, after a business trip he took with a coworker of his who also had a child just shy of 5 mos old. They would play hookie for work and going skiing together. I wondered what kind of mother she was travelling and going out after work till all hours of the night and so on. I chalked a lot of issues up to the first year with a baby is always hard. He had a hard time with my son. It'll get better once she's a year old. I don't even remember how the conversation started but he came out and said he felt distant, disconnected but not ready to give up - wants to make this work, when I mentioned my discomfort with his relationship with his coworker he told me I'd have to get use to it - they work together - they are the future of the company and she is a part of his life, I felt he could work with her and at times they would need to travel together but did they need to do so much outside of the office - including playing games through their phones and constantly texting in addition to skiing together at night and going out drinking together after work- this was back in Feb. So I made the effort - hired the babysitter to do a date night - where he would sit there sullen and quiet and disinterested in being there, I even changed jobs that was less stressful - and feels like a step down from my career for my family. He tried to push me into being friends with her, in May I was frustrated - he was distant - I couldn't remember the last time he told me he loved me, let alone hug, or a kiss that was more than a peck, but he did want to continue sexual intimicy and pushed back at me if I wasn't interested, finally in may I tried forcing him to talk to me - threatened to move out if he didn't. I heard the "there is no spark" I don't want to be in a marriage with no spark, I don't think we should feel we need to stay together just because of the kids, its not fair to us or them and he feels guilty about how he's treating me etc, in later arguments he said his life is "not perfect and should be" that he's had issues for years but thought it was work so he changed jobs and since he still has issues it must be me and our marriage. In the meantime he continued to text and play games and go baby clothes shopping and they texted photos of their children to each other. But I'm the crazy one accusing him of having some sort of affair - whether or not its physical or emotional, in the midst of this he decided without discussing with me to get a vasectomy - my role was to take him there and pick him up. But there was no real discussing it. In a later argument I was told yeah 2 kids suck (not that they suck to clarify - but not what he intended in his life) He said he was happy with none and that was my fault (although he never really argued against it or trying - wasn't like I sneaked it in) He also proceeded to blame me for the vasectomy. Told me I was acting like a douche for being upset by things and I also play a role in our problems. In some sense I do - I have abandonment issues from losing one parent at age 14 and another moving out of the country at 17. So the wall starting coming back up. He refuses counselling - I tried to read his needs her needs with him - he basically said the writer was an "a**" - his comment for avoiding things. He even says he's an a**. When he gets caught on things - he says he's sorry, he'll try harder and then continues to do what he wants thinking he's being less obvious. He got caught in a lie and told me I pushed him to it, anything related to her he feels he needs to lie about. When that put me over the edge and broken any trust I had - he put that on me. He's tried to blame me for not initiating sexual advances accusing me of having an affair - I tried explaining that my sleeping with him without any other intimicy, respect, or even an I love you I feel like I might as well be someone that sleeps around with anyone randomly. Again I get the I don't want you to feel that way and I'm sorry I know I'm distant I don't know what's wrong with me, but stop pushing me away. And yet he still continues to play his games with her, is constantly on his work computer ignoring me, but I'm suppose to stop everything in my life to cater to his needs when he wants/needs them.

How am I suppose to keep doing this when I feel like my feelings aren't being respected - when you point blank tell them what bothers you and they point blank continue doing it and just pretend or lie to you about continuing it. How can I believe anything he says when he blatantly lies to me. How am I suppose to fix something like this by myself. I've considered the Mort Tele boot camp - I received the emails for 3 mos - I tried to do some of the stuff - but felt how much of this can I keep doing with not even a thank you or an I love you. One I don't know if I'm strong enough to keep continuing like this as well as I feel like I have a lot more respect for myself to keep letting someone treat me this way. I don't want my children to be in a marriage like this - it's not ok, and so I don't want them to see this is how it is. At the same time I love him (sometimes I wonder why) But he wasn't always this way and I want to get back to what we were like before, but how do I go back. I resent him making me feel this way after everything I've given up. Sorry this is so long - I guess I needed some outlet of release. I really want to know if I spend the $400 (as this is my bday gift to me) does it really teach me how to get past my issues to fix things. I already feel like it's over - so if the marriage is unsalvagable then it is - but I don't want to quit without trying something - but I don't want to waste my money if it's not worth it. So for those who posted - please tell me if it worked and if not what did or if nothing worked. I just need to know what I'm up against and if its worth it.


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## Camellia

However, compared to traditional counseling it's a relative drop in the financial bucket. And here's some good news; Fertel offers two introductory modules absolutely free of charge so you can get a feel for the program before pulling out your credit card.

FREE Memory Improvement Newsletter - You’re One Email Course Away from Awakening Your Perfect Memory…


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## Nikkis

I was in a position where I really didn't think things could get any worse with my marriage. Things were awful. Though my experience was not as traumatic as some of the stories here, at the time it felt like every day I was just sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of depression.

My husband and I were dealing with serious trust issues in the wake of infidelity. He cheated, than I cheated, the trust was broken, and even when I went to a therapist to seek help, my husband came once and then refused to ever go back there. I felt guilty but also angry and it just seemed like because I'd done something wrong too I couldn't make him ever love me again. It just felt so hopeless. I'd have to say it was the darkest period of my life. This was about a year ago and since then things have improved alot. Though regular therapy wasn't a good fit for us, I started with the Lone Wolf track of mort's program and slowly started to turn things around. 

He says it can take two years to truly return to normal or to decide to separate for good so I've still got a ways to go. But, the good news is it feels like we are on the upswing.

Despite all the hurt and lies and misery, we ultimately decided that marriage is worth putting in effort. It's not easy. It's never going to be easy. We might even mess things up again tomorrow - who knows - but the point is today, we are trying. 

I just wanted to mention my story because reading my journal from a few years ago, I never thought my marriage would turn out ok. I never though I could be a "success story". So if people are feeling really low and think their marriage is done for, it might not be. There could be a chance for better days again.


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## Fightforyourmarriage346

thanks for sharing this with us. 
For those who are Christians. I have a website. Homepage 
This website contains spiritual writings focusing on topic marriage. you guys might enjoy them. check it out. 

Thanks.


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## carrieg123

I have just recently found out my husband has been "chatting" with girls on sex websites. Talking completely gross to these "woman" giving out his number and wanting to text/chat/play, he swears up and down its just words and he has never actually met with anyone. My heart is broken especially because I caught him doing this a few months ago and he told he he isn't talking with anyone and obviously he was lying to me. The words I saw on this website he found make me sick to my stomach! There is no reason to get specific but just know they are WRONG! He agreed to go to counseling and I am going to try this program for myself. I am looking forward to starting it and hoping it will help me gain any small thing I may have left of my trust.


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## pan

So it seems that elenap is the only user here who bought the full Fertel course, fully examined it & provided their results upon completion of the course (for which I thank you very much!). Of these users, the success rate was 0%. That does not speak highly of the course. So frustrating.


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## Monkie04

What if one person sees things that needs work and one is completely oblivious to things being wrong?


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## personofinterest

Interesting that almost all the posters on this thread have only a handful of posts.....and they are on this thread.

That's some elaborate marketing!


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