# Under New contract



## Gaming Your Wife (Jun 16, 2011)

Ya know,I can't believe how on earth how one could live in a relationship without sex and still be kind and considerate to the O/P. Just what the hell has happened to the human race. If we wanted a roommate we would of stayed single. If one person in marriage has a inability to perform,or a unwillingness to correspond sexual with the person they married,Then why don't they raise the white flay and surrender their ring. Maybe I am wrong. But I call B.S. on all the lame excuses for not wanting to per-take in a well balance sexual relationship with your Other.
All you hear is I'am tired ,Sick, Headache,Not tonight,Maybe tomorrow,Later, It all come down to attraction for the other.When the attraction stops so does the sex.I would bet that the L.D. person if seperated would be all over the new person in their life.So why don't they all come clean and just admit they just don't care anymore.
Here's my deal cause I 'am in the same boat.I made a pact with my wife. She could careless for sex. But not my fault???So instead of fighting about it for all these years I said how about I will be the model husband and you give me 10 mins of sex a week. I will not ask for more.So what I get is sex eather once for ten mins. or twice for 5mins.or 3 times a week for 3 mins.she could care less. I am happy and she is happy.I have never been in such a ggood mood.Talk about quickies.Think about it all the troubles are gone. And we love ea other so much. Should of done it years ago.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I'm glad it works for you.

I'm not happy or satisfied with a room-mates agreement that includes 10 mins of sex a week. I'd rather be alone, and be free to seek a full rewarding relationship and fall in love. I'd feel very used.

That's just me, though.


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## Gaming Your Wife (Jun 16, 2011)

I get where your coming from. But at least the battle is over for now.I do Love her very much. And she is worth the pain. I try to give her space for her to be the way she is. And in return she takes care of me the best she can.We are still in love,And not sexless.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My plan is to pray this business in Israel turns into a full scale war and I'll get some deployment orders. This rejection crap stinks to high heaven and I'm beyond ready to go somewhere where it's legal to kill people.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

I'm glad you're currently satisfied. I doubt it is a long-term solution. Most men can't settle for 10 minutes of their wives rolling their eyes and asking them to hurry it up. If all it's about is an orgasm, why not just use a prostitute? A prostitute can at least fake interest. And your wife doesn't even have to be involved at all. And 10 minutes with a prostitute can't be very expensive.

In any case, I hope things work out both short-term and long-term.

Good luck.


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## sweaty teddy (Nov 13, 2012)

Gaming Your Wife said:


> Ya know,I can't believe how on earth how one could live in a relationship without sex and still be kind and considerate to the O/P. Just what the hell has happened to the human race. If we wanted a roommate we would of stayed single. If one person in marriage has a inability to perform,or a unwillingness to correspond sexual with the person they married,Then why don't they raise the white flay and surrender their ring. Maybe I am wrong. But I call B.S. on all the lame excuses for not wanting to per-take in a well balance sexual relationship with your Other.
> All you hear is I'am tired ,Sick, Headache,Not tonight,Maybe tomorrow,Later, It all come down to attraction for the other.When the attraction stops so does the sex.I would bet that the L.D. person if seperated would be all over the new person in their life.So why don't they all come clean and just admit they just don't care anymore.
> Here's my deal cause I 'am in the same boat.I made a pact with my wife. She could careless for sex. But not my fault???So instead of fighting about it for all these years I said how about I will be the model husband and you give me 10 mins of sex a week. I will not ask for more.So what I get is sex eather once for ten mins. or twice for 5mins.or 3 times a week for 3 mins.she could care less. I am happy and she is happy.I have never been in such a ggood mood.Talk about quickies.Think about it all the troubles are gone. And we love ea other so much. Should of done it years ago.


so you get to be the model husband and for that you get 10mins of pity sex....wow I guess it will work for you but after a while it would get stale.

I would take the exact oppisite aproach. quit asking for sex. quit being a model husband and tell her your done unless she opens up about why she don't want to work on a real marriage.

by the way most women need much more than 10,5,3 mins of sex to orgasm.could it be that your just not as good as you think you are between the sheets?

when I first got married I thought I was the man....during pillow talk I would ask if she orgasmed and she would respond that she did. only to later find out i was a dud. now mind you when I would ask her what she liked she would always say everything you know what i like. she was also very vanilla. then one day as I was surching the web for porn i came accross a web site showing women giving themselves orgasms. and how they can ejuculate and how their pu$$y contracts and spasms during orgasm. the light went off and i realised that I wsn't the man I thought I was. I researched and read everything I could about being a good lover.

now I was pi$$ed at first because she never told me espically since I would have been happy to do whatever for how ever long it took to give her an orgasm. But I put thoses feelings behind me and started all the new moves i learned and her sex drive came alive like ...WOW

it take a long time to give my wife an orgasm and at first she would stop me because she was embarrassed about it and how messy it can be .....but now she is so glad I learned how to be a good lover.

if you have to ask if she came ....she didn't! and if she didn't she will fake it or lie and say she did so as not to hurt your feelings.


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## Gaming Your Wife (Jun 16, 2011)

Dude,Are you trying to be a hero?What your point?


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## sweaty teddy (Nov 13, 2012)

Gaming Your Wife said:


> Dude,Are you trying to be a hero?What your point?


you mught be a poor lover and thats why she don't want to have sex with you. come on 10 min a week and that is going to be good for her, listen I opened up and tried to help I ani't no super hero.

sorry but you soud like a dud in the sack!


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Lol, his point is that you may be bad in bed. Which is a very valid possibilty i'd say. Especially sine you're getting so defensive about him even mentioning it as a possibilty.

Women (or men) don't enjoy doing things that aren't pleasurable to them. And if your wife doesn't want to sleep with you, it may very well be because you don't pleasure her well or worse, don't pleasure her at all. 

A woman who's only willing to dedicate 10 minutes of her time of of the 112 hours she's awake each week is a woman that is either incredibly unsatisfied or has a terribly low libido (which is unlikely if she's relatively young and healthy). I have a few illnesses but I still manage to get it on with my hubby at least 3 times a week. And that's because he makes it very worth it for me.

All I'm saying is, its very possible that you're just an unsatisfying lover, and it couldn't hurt to look into that.



Gaming Your Wife said:


> Dude,Are you trying to be a hero?What your point?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Lol, his point is that you may be bad in bed. Which is a very valid possibilty i'd say. Especially sine you're getting so defensive about him even mentioning it as a possibilty.
> 
> Women (or men) don't enjoy doing things that aren't pleasurable to them. And if your wife doesn't want to sleep with you, it may very well be because you don't pleasure her well or worse, don't pleasure her at all.
> 
> ...


That's something that every guy should consider when the sex starts dropping off. That, and that he has somehow become less attractive to his wife (too much of a doormat nice guy, too controlling, too jealous, too angry, etc.).

My W was the woman so many men complain about. She admits it. With her ex, towards the last years, if they had sex twice a year, he was lucky. He sucked in bed (all about himself...roll on, get his, roll off) AND he had the "double whammy" of being a drunk jerk. 

She said she often wondered what the hell was wrong with her. How could she have NO desire for sex? 

Oddly enough, that's not a problem for her now. But then again she orgasms on average 4 or more to my one. I make certain of that! Somehow, I've not once even gotten an offer for pity sex. Nor would I ever accept it.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

sweaty teddy said:


> you mught be a poor lover and thats why she don't want to have sex with you. come on 10 min a week and that is going to be good for her, listen I opened up and tried to help I ani't no super hero.
> 
> sorry but you soud like a dud in the sack!


I think you're projecting Teddy. Just because you were lousy doesn't mean GYW is. We get low desire women and their husbands all the time. And rarely is the issue the husband's performance.

GYW didn't suggest 10 minutes a week because that's all he wants or needs to satisfy himself. Or because he has no interest or ability to satisfy his wife. He suggested it because he thinks that's all his wife will give him without a fight. So, he gets a minimal amount of time and his wife gets out of fighting. It's really nothing new on these boards.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Gaming Your Wife said:


> Ya know,I can't believe how on earth how one could live in a relationship without sex and still be kind and considerate to the O/P. Just what the hell has happened to the human race. If we wanted a roommate we would of stayed single. If one person in marriage has a inability to perform,or a unwillingness to correspond sexual with the person they married,Then why don't they raise the white flay and surrender their ring. Maybe I am wrong. But I call B.S. on all the lame excuses for not wanting to per-take in a well balance sexual relationship with your Other.
> All you hear is I'am tired ,Sick, Headache,Not tonight,Maybe tomorrow,Later, It all come down to attraction for the other.When the attraction stops so does the sex.I would bet that the L.D. person if seperated would be all over the new person in their life.So why don't they all come clean and just admit they just don't care anymore.
> Here's my deal cause I 'am in the same boat.I made a pact with my wife. She could careless for sex. But not my fault???So instead of fighting about it for all these years I said how about I will be the model husband and you give me 10 mins of sex a week. I will not ask for more.So what I get is sex eather once for ten mins. or twice for 5mins.or 3 times a week for 3 mins.she could care less. I am happy and she is happy.I have never been in such a ggood mood.Talk about quickies.Think about it all the troubles are gone. And we love ea other so much. Should of done it years ago.


You're joking -- right?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

The whole thing just sounds sad. Are you sure this is love for both of you?

You have never been in such a good mood, really? 10 mins of pity sex with my partner would make me miserable. 10 mins a week would not even cover the amount of kissing we do.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Sorry but I cannot relate. I can get a good 10 minutes with a righty or a lefty and some Jergens. I am interested in intimacy. Emotional and Physical pure and simple. Physical is on the way back to normal. Emotional has a long way to come and it has to long term because the physical is just not enough for me.


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

His wife could be going through some period if her where intimacy and sex is not tops for her. It happens.

And instead of nagging and making his wide feel like **** he purposed a solution tha t
works for them. Good for them
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Ten minutes! Come on. You need to renegotiate more time. If she does not care then why not an 45 min a week. Thats not much more time and it gives you both more time for skin to skin contact. 

Maybe her hormones will kick in and she will care. I think a model husband is worth his weight in gold. But that's me. If you love each other why not talk about more time. 

Although I think it is sad that it has come to this, I am glad it works for you. Make sure to be affectionate at other times if she likes that. She knows it won't lead to sex. But you never know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

If this was the most my wife could manage for me - 10 minutes a week - I would make some major adjustments. 

That means she really dislikes your touch.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Michie 
You must have partners who are either not worth much or really spineless. 

This isn't about it not being a priority for the LD partner.


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## sweaty teddy (Nov 13, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> I think you're projecting Teddy. Just because you were lousy doesn't mean GYW is. We get low desire women and their husbands all the time. And rarely is the issue the husband's performance.
> 
> GYW didn't suggest 10 minutes a week because that's all he wants or needs to satisfy himself. Or because he has no interest or ability to satisfy his wife. He suggested it because he thinks that's all his wife will give him without a fight. So, he gets a minimal amount of time and his wife gets out of fighting. It's really nothing new on these boards.


just throwing it out there. its worth upping your game in the bedroom.

worked for me. and I not ashamed to admit it. I'm confident and secure in my love making. and my wife is more receptive scince I did a little research.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. This makes me sad. 10 minutes? I'd rather masturbate.


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

Maybe it has absolutely NOTHING to do with him, and won't be help by a partner who constantly guilts you, which then in turn builds resentment and bitterness, then it will be about not wanting anything to do physically with her husband.

So again for the short term if this works for them why is everyone hating on this guy?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Michie said:


> Maybe it has absolutely NOTHING to do with him, and won't be help by a partner who constantly guilts you, which then in turn builds resentment and bitterness, then it will be about not wanting anything to do physically with her husband.
> 
> So again for the short term if this works for them why is everyone hating on this guy?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because between some White Knight syndrome and female groupthink, nobody has even asked or wondered all the great efforts this guy may have done or not done... There are other threads where some woman or man is being neglected and they find sympathy. Here, it's because he's a bad lover, he pops his cork in 10 minutes, etc... People are really hating in this one and assumptions are raining...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Interlocutor said:


> Because between some White Knight syndrome and female groupthink, nobody has even asked or wondered all the great efforts this guy may have done or not done... There are other threads where some woman or man is being neglected and they find sympathy. Here, it's because he's a bad lover, he pops his cork in 10 minutes, etc... People are really hating in this one and assumptions are raining...


Try reading all of the post before you pop your cork prematurely.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Try reading all of the post before you pop your cork prematurely.


I did... Would you like me to list all the guilty posts that I'm referring to for you in a format easier on the eye? Did you quote me just to admonish me, or do you have anything to add?

Posters except Catherine: Again, there was so much focus on what he might have been doing wrong regarding her needs in some posts that they're ignoring the possibility (an inquiry should be made to the OP) that he did nothing wrong, something's wrong with her, and he is building and brewing a dangerous resentment in her that might explode later, meaning that he seriously needs to back off, 180, and respect himself more because those 10 minutes are obviously not ideal for him... He's just settling, in addition to seriously botching long term repair chances by seriously damaging her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Wow. This makes me sad. 10 minutes? I'd rather masturbate.


I would rather take matters into my own hands as well. If I was doing this to/with my wife, I would feel like I was using her like a piece of meat... No offense intended OP. That's just how *I* would feel.

Best,


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

20 minutes AT LEAST!!!!

Come on...a model husband for 7 days, and she only has to give you 10 min?

I'm glad this is working for you and you are happy, but the 10min deal seems pretty cheap.


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

Idk what to tell you. Looking from the outside in, its a waste. Why would you let alone she settle for such a thing? Are you a PE? Put two and two together lol. If you are and/or you are not making her climax, deadly combo for distaster. If you are a PE, you need to figure her body out fast, start asking questions and experiment with what gets her off. I myself would never except such a weak option. I might not even be close in 10 minutes. Hell foreplay can last 5-15 minutes based on how long it takes for the W. Are you trying to make statement by accepting this? So you present you being the model husband, you deserve 10 minutes a week or you can split it up right? She being the model wife...... Oh that part wasnt included right? She already is huh? Yet you get 10 minutes of pumping a week? Its nothing spectacular about that, you're on a timeframe! Good luck with that. Have fun pulling your hair out waiting on your 10 minutes of fame. If it thats what youre satisfied with, enjoy.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Interlocutor said:


> I did... Would you like me to list all the guilty posts that I'm referring to for you in a format easier on the eye? Did you quote me just to admonish me, or do you have anything to add?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I did add something but you didn't get it, not surprised though. 

This "Because between some White Knight syndrome and female groupthink" It's offensive and puts whatever you say in the "not worth more than an eye rolling glance" category. 

It's obvious that you could not possibly know anything about the way anyone thinks let alone "females".


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

needguidance said:


> Idk what to tell you. Looking from the outside in, its a waste. Why would you let alone she settle for such a thing? Are you a PE? Put two and two together lol. If you are and/or you are not making her climax, deadly combo for distaster. If you are a PE, you need to figure her body out fast, start asking questions and experiment with what gets her off. I myself would never except such a weak option. I might not even be close in 10 minutes. Hell foreplay can last 5-15 minutes based on how long it takes for the W. Are you trying to make statement by accepting this? So you present you being the model husband, you deserve 10 minutes a week or you can split it up right? She being the model wife...... Oh that part wasnt included right? She already is huh? Yet you get 10 minutes of pumping a week? Its nothing spectacular about that, you're on a timeframe! Good luck with that. Have fun pulling your hair out waiting on your 10 minutes of fame. If it thats what youre satisfied with, enjoy.


Many are misreading his post. 

His wife restricts his time because she does not want to have sex. From what he wrote, he would be happy to take what ever time she needed to be pleased but she is the one that has restricted the time not him. 

That is what makes this so sad. He seems to know how to make love to his wife but she is only interested in him having sex virtually unpartnered.

He does not need a lecture on how to make love to his wife. His wife needs a lecture on how to make her husband feel loved! 

Don't blame him.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Many are misreading his post.
> 
> His wife restricts his time because she does not want to have sex. From what he wrote, he would be happy to take what ever time she needed to be pleased but she is the one that has restricted the time not him.
> 
> ...


Partly true. But a lot of the blame does rest with him. Hate to say it, but it does. The moment he accepted pity sex from her, he "gave up"....and she followed. 

He needs not possibly a lecture on how to make love to his wife, but rather on how to get her to make love to him. And that is certainly not via the path of accepting pity sex. 

He's going to "be a model husband" for that?!!! Sorry, but I'd be a model husband when my w starts being a model wife. Every time he goes to her and puts "p to v" while she lays there like a luke warm washcloth, he loses ground with her. 

Better option is to start pulling a 180, and refusing to go near her sexually, until she starts coming to him...fast, hard, and often. If she doesn't, there are women who will. The moment he helps her come to that realization, and the realization that he's not going to accept this from her or anyone else, the sooner she'll be tripping over herself trying to please him to make sure he doesn't leave.

Assuming one is otherwise a good man and husband, accepting pity sex from a woman while she lays there completely uninterested is probably the single most damaging thing a man can do, IMO, to ruin any chance of a real sex life with said woman.

Go without, and do the 180 on her. If she doesn't come around, keep right on 180'ing your butt out the door.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> I did add something but you didn't get it, not surprised though.


This: "Try reading all of the post before you pop your cork prematurely," does not add any kind of advice to the OP whatsoever. 

What's funny is that your other posts also lay claim to assumptions and blame incorrectly directed to the OP, exactly my position.



Catherine602 said:


> This "Because between some White Knight syndrome and female groupthink" It's offensive and puts whatever you say in the "not worth more than an eye rolling glance" category.


Acknowledged... If it truly puts it in that category, I'd like to know how to relegate what I say even further for you to lose even the merit of your mere glance... If you didn't get the hint in my last post to you, I'll be more direct now. I'd love it if you left my posts alone... Stop quoting me. You're not interested in anything I have to say, which is perfect since I have no interest in your e-reprimands and e-nagging. I'm quoting you, again, to ask you to leave my posts, worthless to you, alone... Do you mind? Seriously, hop off. In what category, seriously, do you believe your e-reprimands are to me? Not much, just the "annoying" category... Why is there some lady following me around TAM annoying me, someone I'm neither quoting nor PM'ing, quoting me with pseudo-witty quips and jabs about my highly offensive opinions? Some of your posts are worthless to me, especially the dumb ones you had on an MMSL thread once. Should I follow you around quoting you and riding you? No, I leave your posts alone.





Catherine602 said:


> It's obvious that you could not possibly know anything about the way anyone thinks let alone "females".


Then it's a good thing I was advising the OP, a man, who has been blamed and misunderstood until well into the second page... I know what he's thinking and why he's thinking it. 

Now please, my posts are worthless to you, stop quoting them to e-reprimand me... Quoting someone is typically etiquette to invite discussion referencing the topic of the post, not to e-reprimand someone while having no interest in discussing anything... Thanks in advance.


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## Gaming Your Wife (Jun 16, 2011)

I am under new contract.But I can see others would go on strike?It really opened my eyes that my deal is to others a POS.And for them it would not work.And because it would not work for them They attact me for what is for me.First off I would of loved a better deal.This is what is working for me.It is a inprovement from masterbating for 10 mins. a week. My wife loves me and I her.She could be A-sexual. Don't know? But at least we are at a place that we can build from.I have to say,I was proud of my deal. It has remove alot of bitterness from my life.And it is certenly better than what I was getting before.No its not what I would want if I could change it all over night. But I have a wife who does not requirer alot of sex.But She is willing for the first time in yrs to help me out.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Gaming Your Wife said:


> Ya know,I can't believe how on earth how one could live in a relationship without sex and still be kind and considerate to the O/P. Just what the hell has happened to the human race. If we wanted a roommate we would of stayed single. If one person in marriage has a inability to perform,or a unwillingness to correspond sexual with the person they married,Then why don't they raise the white flay and surrender their ring. Maybe I am wrong. But I call B.S. on all the lame excuses for not wanting to per-take in a well balance sexual relationship with your Other.
> All you hear is I'am tired ,Sick, Headache,Not tonight,Maybe tomorrow,Later, It all come down to attraction for the other.When the attraction stops so does the sex.I would bet that the L.D. person if seperated would be all over the new person in their life.So why don't they all come clean and just admit they just don't care anymore.


You were on a roll, until...



Gaming Your Wife said:


> Here's my deal cause I 'am in the same boat.I made a pact with my wife. She could careless for sex. But not my fault???So instead of fighting about it for all these years I said how about I will be the model husband and you give me 10 mins of sex a week. I will not ask for more.So what I get is sex eather once for ten mins. or twice for 5mins.or 3 times a week for 3 mins.she could care less. I am happy and she is happy.I have never been in such a ggood mood.Talk about quickies.Think about it all the troubles are gone. And we love ea other so much. Should of done it years ago.


One of the saddest, lowest things I've ever read on TAM.

Change your username to "Being Gamed by my Wife".


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Oooops. Sorry I had no intension of stalking you, just commenting on a post. I don't recognize your name or any of your comments on other threads. 

Calm down. Put me on your ignore list if you find what I post bothersome.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Gaming Your Wife said:


> Ya know,I can't believe how on earth how one could live in a relationship without sex and still be kind and considerate to the O/P. Just what the hell has happened to the human race. If we wanted a roommate we would of stayed single. If one person in marriage has a inability to perform,or a unwillingness to correspond sexual with the person they married,Then why don't they raise the white flay and surrender their ring. Maybe I am wrong. But I call B.S. on all the lame excuses for not wanting to per-take in a well balance sexual relationship with your Other.
> All you hear is I'am tired ,Sick, Headache,Not tonight,Maybe tomorrow,Later, It all come down to attraction for the other.When the attraction stops so does the sex.I would bet that the L.D. person if seperated would be all over the new person in their life.So why don't they all come clean and just admit they just don't care anymore.
> Here's my deal cause I 'am in the same boat.I made a pact with my wife. She could careless for sex. But not my fault???So instead of fighting about it for all these years I said how about I will be the model husband and you give me 10 mins of sex a week. I will not ask for more.So what I get is sex eather once for ten mins. or twice for 5mins.or 3 times a week for 3 mins.she could care less. I am happy and she is happy.I have never been in such a ggood mood.Talk about quickies.Think about it all the troubles are gone. And we love ea other so much. Should of done it years ago.



It seems to me that this arrangement may be an acceptable short term solution for you but I don't think you and your wife should give up trying to figure out how she can get her drive back. Both of you will benefit if you can achieve that.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

Gaming Your Wife said:


> Ya know,I can't believe how on earth how one could live in a relationship without sex and still be kind and considerate to the O/P. Just what the hell has happened to the human race. If we wanted a roommate we would of stayed single. If one person in marriage has a inability to perform,or a unwillingness to correspond sexual with the person they married,Then why don't they raise the white flay and surrender their ring. Maybe I am wrong. But I call B.S. on all the lame excuses for not wanting to per-take in a well balance sexual relationship with your Other.
> All you hear is I'am tired ,Sick, Headache,Not tonight,Maybe tomorrow,Later, It all come down to attraction for the other.When the attraction stops so does the sex.I would bet that the L.D. person if seperated would be all over the new person in their life.So why don't they all come clean and just admit they just don't care anymore.
> Here's my deal cause I 'am in the same boat.I made a pact with my wife. She could careless for sex. But not my fault???So instead of fighting about it for all these years I said how about I will be the model husband and you give me 10 mins of sex a week. I will not ask for more.So what I get is sex eather once for ten mins. or twice for 5mins.or 3 times a week for 3 mins.she could care less. I am happy and she is happy.I have never been in such a ggood mood.Talk about quickies.Think about it all the troubles are gone. And we love ea other so much. Should of done it years ago.





Gaming Your Wife said:


> I am under new contract.But I can see others would go on strike?It really opened my eyes that my deal is to others a POS.And for them it would not work.And because it would not work for them They attact me for what is for me.First off I would of loved a better deal.This is what is working for me.It is a inprovement from masterbating for 10 mins. a week. My wife loves me and I her.She could be A-sexual. Don't know? But at least we are at a place that we can build from.I have to say,I was proud of my deal. It has remove alot of bitterness from my life.And it is certenly better than what I was getting before.No its not what I would want if I could change it all over night. But I have a wife who does not requirer alot of sex.But She is willing for the first time in yrs to help me out.


This is the first time I've posted on this thread, but I've been following it. I'm sorry you feel attacked, some responses can be harsh and judgemental, but I think it's worth it to look into the other POV. Are you truly happy??

I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is a huge difference in a woman being LD, or having some hang ups and just disregarding your needs. I can't say who is at fault here, probably both, because I'm not in your marriage, but to have to bargain for 10 minutes of sex weekly? Who's needs are really being met here yours or hers?

People on this board have called me controlling before regarding sex and I had to step back and look at that, but this here is one of the reasons I even thought I way I did. I never want my husband to be in a position to have to beg. This thread sort of hit home for me after some of the things i've learned. Sorry for the rant.

I'm glad you feel things are getting better, but I hope this isnt all you will accept regarding your sex with your W. All the best.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I didn't assume that he was the all innocent one, or she was, or whose fault it was.

I just know that if my husband said, "Fine, I'll give you 10 minutes of sex a week..." then I'd give him my finger.

That's just me. It's not even a full session of sex. It's just a "get in a get out without getting naked". So again, I'd rather masturbate.


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## Gaming Your Wife (Jun 16, 2011)

jaquen said:


> You were on a roll, until...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Not to take away from my thread.But I have to say you make one beleive that you have a very healthy sex life and you would not intertain mine.But what I question is your healthy mental state. To which where I come from.One does not judge one another.One man's roof is another man's floor.I did not sign-up for a life sentence for my format.Its just whats works for now


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Gaming Your Wife said:


> Not to take away from my thread.But I have to say you make one beleive that you have a very healthy sex life and you would not intertain mine.But what I question is your healthy mental state. To which where I come from.One does not judge one another.One man's roof is another man's floor.I did not sign-up for a life sentence for my format.Its just whats works for now


So we have something in common.

Because I do likewise question the health of your current mental state that you believe accepting sex three times a week, for three minute intervals, is a happy medium and what you deserve for being a model spouse.

I would never entertain that nonsense, not because of my healthy sex life with my wife, but because I have healthy enough self respect not to even think about settling for some mess like that.

I recommend you start dealing with the real reasons your wife doesn't want to touch you, instead of cheering your head off about what is objectively a horrifying, belittling, potentially detrimental compromise. Your wife is treating you like garbage, and you're on TAM rooting her on for it.

You didn't fine a happy compromise. You just found a new way to lower your standards.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

that_girl said:


> *I didn't assume that he was the all innocent one, or she was, or whose fault it was.*
> 
> I just know that if my husband said, "Fine, I'll give you 10 minutes of sex a week..." then I'd give him my finger.
> 
> That's just me. It's not even a full session of sex. It's just a "get in a get out without getting naked". So again, I'd rather masturbate.


my post wasn't directed at any one person besides the OP. I was just trying to get the point across that even if a response is harsher than you'd like it's still worth it to look at from that POV, it helps. 

I'm not as direct and straight forward as I need to be, something I'm working on.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Gaming Your Wife said:


> So what I get is sex eather once for ten mins. or twice for 5mins.or 3 times a week for 3 mins.she could care less.


I'd be in heaven since I'd be having sex 10 times a week 

Seriously, you have settled badly. This in light that your wife gets a good guy all week. That isn't how a marriage works.

I can almost guarantee you that sooner or later, your resentment and frustration will grow because you will realize that while you have been meeting her needs, you have compromised on your own.

Sex is obviously not important to her in the marriage. If that's the case, why not have a contract with her that you will get your sexual needs taken care of elsewhere? Since sex isn't important in the marriage, she shouldn't mind, right?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I have a LD wife. I have to initiate all the time and get rejected often. The problem is in getting it started.

There is no way that it could happen in 3 minutes. Once she gets started we are good to go. I won't stop until she gets turned on. I sometimes might get off too fast (because it has been a couple of weeks), but with the use of my tongue or a toy, we virtually always get her there.

Put a bit more effort into one of your two minute quickies and maybe she can get something out of the lovemaking as well.


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## landon33 (Jul 13, 2012)

jaquen said:


> One of the saddest, lowest things I've ever read on TAM.
> 
> Change your username to "Being Gamed by my Wife".


Thx—made me laugh.


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## Gaming Your Wife (Jun 16, 2011)

I think I am staring to come around? Not one person said hey nice contract.So what comes to mind is after years of rejection and just wanting to lay some pipe. I have settle for something that no one else would of.I really think its because of being beat down for yrs.You are are right in saying .I have nothing.Even myself I have fought for sexual bonding,Touching, Kissing,Togetherness, These are all the things I dream about.
Problem is I Love a person that can't give me that.I am totally in love with my wife for 30 yrs.And she has no sexual interest in me. And for all the one's that are going to say is she cheating on me. She says it does not matter who it is.She just does not care about sex.Theirs been times when this was a deal breaker for me.And sometimes I get used to it.But Indeed there is no fulfilling act of love here.Most female would say Hey I am not a piece of meat.Not just a hole.But this is what mine offer me.How demineing for her to say to me. OK lets just get this done.For all the one's that wonder about me. Yes Iam a good guy,Father,Make good money,good lover { I think}
Could a human being have no sexual interest.Does there have to be a reason for it. Or could it be . Its just that way? I swear other that sex the lady loves me.Just not sexual.I am very confused as what to do.We have a good life together other than this.I know some will say {what life}Its a mess I know


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

That last post broke my heart. I'm sorry you are feeling that way and having to life like this. It's not right.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

Gaming your wife, it's very heartbreaking to read that. I guess if your wife had said lets try to have sex once or twice a week that would have been different. I don't doubt she loves you, I just get the strong feeling that your needs are WAY on the bottom of her list. Honestly to me she sounds very selfish. 

Have you tried sex therapy? Or MC? I don't know your story but I do hope you can get to a better compromise for your own mental health and self esteem.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Gaming Your Wife said:


> I think I am staring to come around? Not one person said hey nice contract.So what comes to mind is after years of rejection and just wanting to lay some pipe. I have settle for something that no one else would of.I really think its because of being beat down for yrs.You are are right in saying .I have nothing.Even myself I have fought for sexual bonding,Touching, Kissing,Togetherness, These are all the things I dream about.
> Problem is I Love a person that can't give me that.I am totally in love with my wife for 30 yrs.And she has no sexual interest in me. And for all the one's that are going to say is she cheating on me. She says it does not matter who it is.She just does not care about sex.Theirs been times when this was a deal breaker for me.And sometimes I get used to it.But Indeed there is no fulfilling act of love here.Most female would say Hey I am not a piece of meat.Not just a hole.But this is what mine offer me.How demineing for her to say to me. OK lets just get this done.For all the one's that wonder about me. Yes Iam a good guy,Father,Make good money,good lover { I think}
> Could a human being have no sexual interest.Does there have to be a reason for it. Or could it be . Its just that way? I swear other that sex the lady loves me.Just not sexual.I am very confused as what to do.We have a good life together other than this.I know some will say {what life}Its a mess I know


GYW, I think it's really, really time to ask yourself the question "What does love really look like?".

Because someone who loves you, truly is IN love with you, doesn't deprive you of a basic, vital act like sex for decades, and then agree to throw you a tired, sorry 10 minutes a week of "hurry up and get off me" sex.

You're still in love with your wife. But there is a high chance your wife is not IN love with you.

You need to sit down and ask her point blank:

"Baby, are you still in love with me? Are you still passionate about me?".

Her answer will be clear no matter what she says out her mouth.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

:iagree: jaquen, kind of puts into perspective things I've learned myself. I wonder if it the I love you but not in love you deal.?


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

As I keep thinking about this I want to retract my statement. Love I believe is an action word. Her actions aren't showing she loves you.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

jaquen said:


> You need to sit down and ask her point blank:
> 
> "Baby, are you still in love with me? Are you still passionate about me?".
> 
> Her answer will be clear no matter what she says out her mouth.


I disagree with this approach. I think the following two scenarios are the most likely result. First, she believes that she does love you, so she says that she does. She just believes that marriage is when sex slows down and rare sex is an understandable reaction to the stress of everyday life. Second, she knows that she doesn't really love you, but she'll lie either to keep you hooked, or to spare your feelings.

Either way, if she were willing to be honest with herself and with GYW, she likely would have been before now.

I recommend running the MAP and letting her actions speak for her. She will either start having sex with GYW, or she won't. At that point, where his self-esteem has recovered and he understands that he isn't a prisoner of his marriage, he can make an ultimatum.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> I disagree with this approach. I think the following two scenarios are the most likely result. First, she believes that she does love you, so she says that she does. She just believes that marriage is when sex slows down and rare sex is an understandable reaction to the stress of everyday life. Second, she knows that she doesn't really love you, but she'll lie either to keep you hooked, or to spare your feelings.
> 
> Either way, if she were willing to be honest with herself and with GYW, she likely would have been before now.
> 
> I recommend running the MAP and letting her actions speak for her. She will either start having sex with GYW, or she won't. At that point, where his self-esteem has recovered and he understands that he isn't a prisoner of his marriage, he can make an ultimatum.


Yes, I know the typical TAM answer, which inevitably involves some kind of game or strategy pulled from a self help book.

That's not my approach. I specifically said the following:

*Her answer will be clear no matter what she says out her mouth.
*

There is plenty of time to run games, throw down ultimatums, and the like. But the first line of action should almost always be going straight to the source, and asking the right questions. The man has been in love with his wife for thirty years. In that thirty years don't you think it possible that he can read her body language? That no matter what escapes her mouth, if he's in tune at all with this human being, that she'll tell him a wealth of information even if she lies? I know I can always tell when my wife isn't being truthful, even when she's normally being untrue with herself about her real feelings on a matter. And I have barely been alive longer than this man has been in love with his woman.

Giving somebody a long, elaborate plan of action before first having them try to be direct, and honest, with a spouse is a bad idea in almost all situations. Marriage isn't based off the latest TAM book offering. This OP isn't even new to TAM, and if you read his other posts you'll see that he tried plenty of the usual tactics that TAM members threw his way, and none of them worked.

If she answers him directly, and he can't tell if she's lying, then sure he can try, yet again, the usual TAM offerings.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

jaquen said:


> Yes, I know the typical TAM answer, which inevitably involves some kind of game or strategy pulled from a self help book.


I don't think self-improvement and distance from his wife's torment is a game or gimmick. I think it's exactly what GYW needs.



jaquen said:


> That's not my approach. I specifically said the following:
> 
> *Her answer will be clear no matter what she says out her mouth.
> *


Yes. I read your post and I understood it. Here's my viewpoint.

*Her attitude is already clear. There is no need to ask her about it.*

The OP has spent many years in a sexless marriage. That's not accidental. Let's try a thought experiment. Say GYW's wife has spent the last 10 years kicking him in the balls every Saturday at noon. Like clockwork. Would you recommend he ask her about that? Do you think there is a munificent reason she could be doing it? Do you think he could be misunderstanding her kicking him in the balls? I don't.



jaquen said:


> There is plenty of time to run games, throw down ultimatums, and the like. But the first line of action should almost always be going straight to the source, and asking the right questions.


I'm not saying that talking to his wife will be harmful. I'm just saying it will likely be a waste of time.



jaquen said:


> The man has been in love with his wife for thirty years. In that thirty years don't you think it possible that he can read her body language? That no matter what escapes her mouth, if he's in tune at all with this human being, that she'll tell him a wealth of information even if she lies?


Perhaps. Perhaps he can tell whether she's lying. Perhaps he's so damaged by her withholding sex that he wants to believe her implausible excuses. To some, denial is more attractive than the understanding that your wife just isn't into you.



jaquen said:


> This OP isn't even new to TAM, and if you read his other posts you'll see that he tried plenty of the usual tactics that TAM members threw his way, and none of them worked.


I see where he said he tried some things, but he wasn't specific. He never said he ran the MAP, or lowered the thermostat, or did a 180. He hasn't ruled out an affair, or taken his wife to a doctor for hormone tests. He's just stated that he believes she is asexual and he has accepted it and tried to make peace.

Even if he has tried the MAP, 180, etc. he obviously has the wrong attitude. Few men who have raised their sex appeal, attracted the attention of other women, and gained self-respect would accept GYW's wife's offer of being a human fleshlight for him for 10 minutes a week.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> I don't think self-improvement and distance from his wife's torment is a game or gimmick. I think it's exactly what GYW needs.
> 
> 
> Yes. I read your post and I understood it. Here's my viewpoint.
> ...


All of which he won't know for certain if he never asked, assuming he hasn't. You have no idea how his wife will respond. None whatsoever. Neither do I, and neither does he.

That's why I recommended he ask, if he hasn't. Just to ascertain where she is, and where he is.

There is nothing lost in asking her the question. Nothing whatsoever.

You even acknowledge yourself that the worst that can happen is it likely being "a waste of time". Big deal, clearly there has been a lot of time wasting already going on in this marriage.

You haven't even bothered to provide one solid reason why he _shouldn't_ ask his wife such a simple, and potentially very revealing, question. No you're just, yet again, disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing. I'm not running down yet another derailing debate with you. 

OP you've read my suggestion, and if you take it up, please let me know how it works out for you.

PHTlump, enjoy the debate-for-the-sake-of-debate. I'm sure you can get somebody else to play.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

jaquen said:


> All of which he won't know for certain if he never asked, assuming he hasn't. You have no idea how his wife will respond. None whatsoever. Neither do I, and neither does he.


Not at all. I have a very good idea of how his wife will respond. She will, most likely, insist that she is in love with him and continue to give him the same reasons she has given in the past as to why she doesn't want sex.



jaquen said:


> There is nothing lost in asking her the question. Nothing whatsoever.


There actually is. The longer a husband accepts his wife's lame excuses for withholding sex, the more respect she loses for him and the less attracted she is. If he asks her point blank, and she gives him an honest answer that she has no intention of having sex with him because he repulses her, and he accepts that, well, there's not much left to salvage after that. Even if she just repeats her standard lame excuses, when he accepts them, it's just one more nail in his coffin. I just realized that after I wrote that it likely wouldn't hurt. I think it may well hurt.



jaquen said:


> You haven't even bothered to provide one solid reason why he _shouldn't_ ask his wife such a simple, and potentially very revealing, question. No you're just, yet again, disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing. I'm not running down yet another derailing debate with you.


I have given my reasons. Most likely, it will simply waste time. It is possible that it will hurt his cause. It has a one in a million chance of his wife acknowledging her fault in the situation and resolving to work to repair it.

Is there any reason you believe that his wife would suddenly, after many years, come to her senses and drop her pretense of love for GYW?



jaquen said:


> PHTlump, enjoy the debate-for-the-sake-of-debate. I'm sure you can get somebody else to play.


Not at all. Most agree with my suggestion of running the MAP before he forces the issue with his wife.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> Is there any reason you believe that his wife would suddenly, after many years, come to her senses and drop her pretense of love for GYW?


If you honestly believe that's why I made that recommendation to him, with the naive hope that his wife will magically give him an honest verbal confirmation of the truth, then you don't really gather my point at all.

Either way, the advice was for him, and it's up to him to take it, or not.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Ok... I’ll throw you some kudos. It is a start. That is good. Actually, I also remember reading an article that women’s libido will go up with regular sex. I also know that a lot of women, even if they weren’t “into it” when sex started, once physically engaged tend to enjoy it.

Now that said, you need to have the right attitude. One women hate and I’ll get bashed for, but whatever. Do not try and satisfy her. Learn to be selfish lover. She’s offering herself as a wipe rag. Accept her terms and treat her as such. Pound her through the bed, blow your load, get off and go do your own thing. Do not cuddle, do not feel guilty. Don’t pout, don’t apologize, or do anything that she might read you were dissatisfied or have any concern for her experience. Plow her... Just take her and use her like that. Enjoy, show it, but don’t dwell. It seems counter-intuitive... but it really isn’t.

What happens is things get interesting. She will probably complain how unrewarding it was for her. Agree. Tell her if she too wants satisfaction, she’s going to have to take some responsibility for her own sex life; She didn’t make that offer for herself. What I found is that when she knows I’m no longer willing to try or feel responsible for her satisfaction, then she started becoming an active participant. The sex got a ton better when she started trying to reach an orgasm before me knowing that when I finished, I finished. And on a deeper level; Some women just sort of want to be taken in a passionate fit of lust rather than be bothered thinking anything deeper like the “meaning of sex, duty or responsibility in a romantic relationship (which is part of marriage)”. Enjoy it. Might even be where her hangup is.... Bypass the mental rationality and just go with the physical and emotional.

Or she’ll be offended and withdraw the agreement.... Don’t let that be your fear. Keep in mind that duty sex eventually just becomes another shaming action of masturbation. You don’t have anything to lose that you haven’t already lost.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I agree with racer. You only get 10 minutes...get yours.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

Gaming, I'm rooting for you, but I think some of these ideas are dangerous... There's the possibility that your wife is "acting" like she doesn't care, but you might be damaging each other long term... Tread carefully... Something might be brewing inside each other, a hatred for each other... I don't know... It's hard to explain...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Tell her to keep her 10 minute snack and find a real banquet elsewhere.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Racer said:


> Ok... I’ll throw you some kudos. It is a start. That is good. Actually, I also remember reading an article that women’s libido will go up with regular sex. I also know that a lot of women, even if they weren’t “into it” when sex started, once physically engaged tend to enjoy it.
> 
> Now that said, you need to have the right attitude. One women hate and I’ll get bashed for, but whatever. Do not try and satisfy her. Learn to be selfish lover. She’s offering herself as a wipe rag. Accept her terms and treat her as such. Pound her through the bed, blow your load, get off and go do your own thing. Do not cuddle, do not feel guilty. Don’t pout, don’t apologize, or do anything that she might read you were dissatisfied or have any concern for her experience. Plow her... Just take her and use her like that. Enjoy, show it, but don’t dwell. It seems counter-intuitive... but it really isn’t.
> 
> ...


But that's what she wants. It's OK for him to pound away, finish and then GTFO so she can go about her business and he can go back to being a good guy.

Ask her what her needs are and ask if you are fulfilling those needs. If you are telling us the truth, she will say yes.

Then tell her that you cannot meet her needs if she cannot meet yours.

I'm sure she's insisting on monogamy, right? And you've agreed to monogamy, but not to celibacy. and 10 minutes of "sex" per week is celibacy.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Here's my thoughts... You posted in here all happy about your new "contract". Not really asking any questions, just saying that you had a new agreement. So people commented on it, almost all saying that it wouldn't be acceptable to them and you were selling yourself short.

If that works for you, knock yourself out. It wouldn't work for me though, and obviously for the majority of people in here. You spend hours a week being a "model husband", and you get 10 minutes of pleasure a week? How bout you give her 10 minutes of being a "model husband", and be an ass the rest of the week in exchange? Or tell your wife that if sex is so unimportant in a marriage, you're fine with outsourcing that responsibility, finding someone else to fill that need for you. Since it obviously doesn't mean anything to her, after all. And has no place in maintaining that bond that only a husband and wife should have.

BTW, what happens if you go over by 30 seconds one week? Do you have to cut it short the next week? Can you use a chess clock, and just slap it when you finish? At 10 minutes per week, every second is precious!

C


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Or tell your wife that if sex is so unimportant in a marriage, you're fine with outsourcing that responsibility, finding someone else to fill that need for you. Since it obviously doesn't mean anything to her, after all.


I agree, 10 mins pity sex is worse than no sex at all for me. I would feel disgusted and ashamed of myself if it comes down to that. I would rather outsource and find someone who can appreciate who I am then someone who puts out of pity, bleh!


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