# Ex is such a selfish butt



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Had a great time on my vacation in NYC and had a very rare few days to relax and enjoy my pool. Returned to work today and immediately felt stressed. Working as a manager in IT dept, I am feeling very nervous and uneasy about my future at company since they are outsourcing more and more jobs. Juggling staff, fighting for my job, divorce feelings, DD high schoo startsl in 10 days and many marital bills that are lingering have brought me to the brink this week. 

Besides the divorce feelings and finding my footing, I came home to find my ex did not pick up the signed quit claim deed papers for his house that he was suppose to file last week with county to take my name off property. I filed my papers last month. He promised he would do it. Yet another promise ex managed to break. 

WHile in NY, I suggested my daughter buy a tshirt for dear old dad since he normally gets her something when vacatioing with his sugar mama. She texted him 3 times to come by and get it but she NEVER heard back from him. He lives a whole 20 blocks away so you can understand the hassle and commute. today while we are leaving the gym, she gets a text from ex saying he would be over. When he came in, I immediately took papers and out on his drivers seat. 

He hasnt spent any time with my DD in 8 weeks other than a stop by at house and I am pretty pissed tonight. Boy what a selfish pr**k!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I guess that's just a reminder of why you are divorcing him.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

The stuff with your ex will eventually get resolved and become history and you will be in a better place. Still, it is he'll getting there but get there you will. So sad he doesn't seem to have time for his daughter. 
Your work situation is a struggle many of us have.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Could she walk the 20 blocks and take it to him?

The beauty of IT is you are always needed somewhere at least. Focus on what you CAN control - don't worry about what you can't aside from prepare. Don't set yourself up for disappointment with the STBX - he isn't going to keep any promises and if he does, consider it a stroke of luck. It will minimize the stress. And don't forget to choose your battles. 

One day this will all be so far in the past you'll rarely think of it.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Sounds like you still have a lot of emotions here, what are you doing to detach?

Also, did he just walk into your house or did you let him in? Maybe that's not weird to other people and I'm overanalyzing because my wife is a nutjob, but that sounded weird. And so does you going into his car...

Anyway you can't force someone to act responsible. The faster you lose expectations the better for all of you. And trust me, it could be a lot worse....


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Breath.....

"He does not control my emotions"
"He is a non factor in my life"

Repeat that. Own your emotions, do not let him rule them for you.
Detach, detach, detach but by all means, keep venting and posting here. It helps in the healing proccess.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

EXPECTATIONS and DETACHING 

2 keywords that are clear and VERY hard habits to break. 

Detaching - I am trying to detach more and more from him but am still 8 weeks out from final divorce date and still have some emotional baggage

In my mind, no matter what he did to me, I keep thinking (expecting) that he will bend over backwards for his precious kid. Proves me wrong each time.

Ex rings bells now and never walks in to house. I switched locks but garage still has code that he can use. 

The divorce thing SUCKS.  not telling anyone something new...


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Call the garage company and get a new code. Most will give you one.

I completely understand your frustration about his lack of parenting responsibility. It hurts your DD. Sadly, this is one more thing you need to release. He will be the kind of father he chooses to be. Maybe he will wake up and see what he's missing, maybe not. Either way, you have to stop your expectations. (Easier said than done, I know). Your expectations give him power over you. This also means you need to be there even more for your DD so she won't feel abandoned by her dad. Remember you suggested the t-shirt she got for her dad, so you had expectations from the get go and maybe those expectations were left over from the marriage. By that I mean, one parent in a marriage can nudge the kids to include a parent or buy a gift for the other parent, and that's perfectly fine. Not so much after a D. Let your DD work out her relationship with her father. She's starting high school, she can do it.
I know how hard this is.


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