# She wants to take a break



## muttley (Oct 10, 2016)

HI all

so we have been together for 8 years we have 3 children under 7 .
we dont fight really & up until a month ago i thought everything was fine.

let me go back to 2years ago when it started for her. i had issues that lend me to go onto anti-depression medical
it changed me in the worst way, i felt empty inside i didnt feel anything . so as a result she felt unloved & felt i didnt care about her i told lies to avoid conflict i was a real ****ty partner. we nearly broke up then. i stop taking the pills & i thought returned to a good normal life. the problem was we never really dealt with the hurt i caused & when she brought it up a few months after i stopped taking the pills i felt a great deal of shame & lied about things. which she hated.
we got through it together i thought. this year i thought we were going great we were having great sex most nights we talked during the day. sent her cute messages etc during the day. mothers day came around i brought her gift a week early & gave it too her then. on mothers day the kids gave her gifts & i thought it was ok. the problem was i didnt make her feel special that day & all the old hurt came back. she started talking to a guy online to feel special he was the otherside of the world. she sent him pictures of her & flirted i found out a few weeks later . told her to stop it if she wanted us to work. she did but i didnt believe her at the time & checked her phone. brought up something that was old & she lost it how can we be together if you dont trust me. 

i understand checking her phone was wrong i understand i messed up with everything else i love this women with everything i am. she is the mother of my children the love of my life & my best friend.

so last week she decide it would be best if she spent sometime with the kids at her sisters (its school holidays) 
i was in our house alone all week. i hated it i messaged her way to much begged her to come back. i was needy weak & pushed her future way. this week i have the kids i still have had the old night i messaged being needy pushing her away.

so last night she tell me she want to take a longer break (these 8 days have killed me so far) a few months at least
the she goes on tell me she has felt alone in a house full of people for a long time now & she found doing things for her self brought her joy & she want to be alone to work out what she wants.

i had no idea she felt like this. i have been working too much i know u haven't given her the attention she needs.
i work full time & started studying full time this year to give us a better life.

so when she come back from her sister on Sunday we are telling our 3 children that mummy & daddy are trying to be happy again & mummy needs to move out to do it. & that we both still love all you children & this is in no way their fault.

i want her back so bad it hurts me so much inside. she has been gone 8 days & they are the worst days of my life so far.i understand i need to give her space & time to work out what she wants & i have no control over the decision. ive told her what i want. she needs to work out if we are going to move forward as a team or spilt. i really hope we can work it out.

i know i havent been a great partner i have things to work on. i let her fell unloved & i regret it everyday

i dont know what to do. im lost im broken & i fear the worst


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

You've already caught her cheating once and you better understand right now that when a married woman wants to "take a break", especially after she has had a taste of the ego kibbles from another man, the overwhelming number of the times it is because either she has another man or is planning on trying one out.

You have already made the first major mistakes that you need to immediately reverse
(1) this is your fault
(2) that you love her so much you will tolerate anything she does and play what is called the "pick me game"
(3) that you feel guilty for snooping. Im going to put this in capital letters. YOU CAUGHT HER CHEATING IN CONTACT WITH ANOTHER MAN. That fact negates her right to total privacy especially with the attitude she has now.

You wife wants to expl;ore what is out there without you in the way, and it appears her relatives are OK with that so that adds to your problem./

You just posted. You are in shock and pain, but if you stay if you do not act aggressively and take the "punches" they are going to keep coming.

You can get a lot of advice here. i do not think much of it will tell you to beg her to come back and do whatever she wants to.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

So she took a break to see how things would go with this other man? Relatives aren't protesting this? It looks bad, OP, real bad. You need to stop being a slobbering mess and live your life to get her off your mind. Be a good father too. The choice is this, OP: you can "love" her and put up with the disrespect or you could respect yourself and tell her to make up her mind immediately if she wants to stay or go. Be firm in your actions. Not really the sentimental kind so I can't relate much but grow a pair, OP. She knows she can do this to her wet-rag-of-a-husband and get away with it and that's why she is doing it.

Okay, you did something wrong back then. So what? Idiots get married expecting a fairy tale, eh? That doesn't give her grounds to be unfaithful. Act now, OP, or forever hold your hurt.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

She is thrilled that you gave her the freedom to explore her online (and perhaps) IRL affairs.
She is fully enjoying this "break" while you sit on the sidelines being completely destroyed inside.

Married couples go through hard times, and they work things through together. If she doesn't want to do that, she probably doesn't want to be married either.

Time to firm up some boundaries my friend. If she doesn't want to play within those reasonable boundaries, she will earn her permanent break. 

Sorry you have found yourself here.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Get your head out of your BUTT!!! you are giving her an opportunity to cheat some more...tell her there is no separation there is working on our marriage or their is divorce no middle ground.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

What she wants is to have her cake (her new boyfriend) and eat it too (you hanging around). That's why this behavior is called "cake-eating".

Serve her with divorce papers. Maybe that will wake her up. Nothing else will.


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## muttley (Oct 10, 2016)

OK i think everyone has the wrong idea here. she isn't online cheating or anything like that . her sisters are really good they are my family as well. she doesn't have a new boyfriend i know this for sure. there is no guys in the mix. she know i wont put up with it.

this is just for her to decide if she wants to try & repair our relationship move past the hurt she has. or if she wants to walk away.
she isn't a bad person. 

i think i explained it wrong in my opening post. this has nothing to do with an affair or wanting another man. its her herself she wasn't happy.

but i understand what everyone is saying. im not sitting around waiting anymore i have the children we are keeping busy she has time to herself to work things out but its not endless time


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

Sorry it's too late whether or not she's with another guy she apparently hates your guts and this isn't from the last day or week or month or year.

Once the cow is out of the barn it's almost impossible to catch it.

Well cows aren't really that fast so it's a poor analogy it should probably say once the "wild stallion is out of it's stall" but that's how the saying goes so just try to roll with it.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

muttley said:


> OK i think everyone has the wrong idea here. she isn't online cheating or anything like that . her sisters are really good they are my family as well. she doesn't have a new boyfriend i know this for sure. there is no guys in the mix. she know i wont put up with it.



Well she already was cheating online and you put up with it. 

Do you think you are the 1st person to come here with similar story? Or the 50th?

They nearly always end the same way. 

Let's face it. There is really only one thing that will make a mother leave her kids. One thing. Another guy.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Wow, she did a number on you. She was exchanging communications and pictures with another guy, but you are the villain because you snooped? You have depression, stopped taking pills to please her and you are the bad guy?


No. Just no. I told my wife, when she had her friend, "there are no breaks, just divorce." Snooped her phone as well and have zero regrets and give zero Fs to those who believe it is an invasion of privacy.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Dude listen to what we are all telling you. She is most likely still cheating on you. How would her sister even know. This story has been written thousands of times on this site and others. It all follows the same pattern. 

Never "take a break" just end it. There is blue skies and happiness on the other side of this but you have to start the journey. The longer you wait the longer it will take to get there.

I would print out divorce papers and hand them to her the next day with the words permanent break written on them.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

When you're married, you don't get to just up and leave to "find yourself". And you don't fix your marriage by separating, you work on the issues together.

Such a throw away society we live in. I know not all marriages should stay in tact but so many people have the attitude that everything is disposable.

If my husband did this, and I've told him this before, that I would be done. I would consider that abandoment of me and our marriage and we would be over.

Stop whining and begging and starting telling her to get her a$s back home or you'll file.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She's cheating on you. She's not going to stop either.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Keep a check on your phone bill. Separation is always prep for divorce or spend time with an other man.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Dude, you have got to take your balls and lock them away. It's tough, but you have to break free. She isn't yours anymore. You have to accept that and move on. These days that are so bad are actually good. You are a junkie and she is your addiction. It's fine when the addiction is a good one. But the time away is you in rehab and the pain is recovery. Forget about it ever being the same again. That ship has sailed. You won't believe it, and you'll keep on trying to be pathetic. It's not an insult, 90% of is have been pathetic too. Eventually you'll come back here and be like, "damn, you guys were right." And well all go out for beers or something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

muttley said:


> OK i think everyone has the wrong idea here. she isn't online cheating or anything like that . her sisters are really good they are my family as well. she doesn't have a new boyfriend i know this for sure. there is no guys in the mix. she know i wont put up with it.
> 
> this is just for her to decide if she wants to try & repair our relationship move past the hurt she has. or if she wants to walk away.
> she isn't a bad person.
> ...


Sooo...

What you're saying is that you DON'T know who she's seeing?


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

When I read what you just said OP, all I could do is shake my heads.

We will be here when you find out what she is really doing. Unfortunately for by you, you will need the support. I urge you not to be too embarrassed to return.

Denial is your worst enemy. Remember that


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Checking her phone was not wrong. Your gut was telling you something was up, so you did what you needed to do. You are in denial...the woman is cheating on you. Let her go.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

You are giving her the space and time she requested. However, it's not for her to find herself, it's to find another man.

If she hasn't found him already.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

she started talking to a guy online to feel special he was the otherside of the world. she sent him pictures of her & flirted i found out a few weeks later . told her to stop it if she wanted us to work. she did but i didnt believe her at the time & checked her phone. brought up something that was old & she lost it how can we be together if you dont trust me. 


This is cheating. 

How are things? 

Is she still taking a break?

Has she been by to see the kids?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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