# Poll: Second thoughts?



## biggie (Apr 12, 2009)

I am doing some therapy with a married person who sometimes gets thoughts that he may have married the wrong person. He is convinced that this means something is definatley wrong so we have decided to do a survey. Therefore I would be most greatful if people could answer the following questions:


1. How long have you been married?

2. Do you ever get the thought "She's not right for me" or "I've married the wrong person"?

3. If so. How often?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

2nd marriage
married 9 yrs together 14
i now have real thoughts thats hes not the right person to be with n e more.
how often? more often now in the last couple of months.

first marriage

married 15 months - together 6.5 yrs.
realised i'd married the wrong man.
how often? realised as soon as he starting using me as a punch bag.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Married 17 years

Yes...I think she isn't right for me.

Off and on throughout the marriage, but constantly for the past 4 years.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

1. 28 yrs

2. No

3. Never have


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

1. 21 years
2. Yes
3. Frequently at different points throughout the marriage, esp. after the first 5 years. Daily during those times. some long periods when I'd "recommit" and be ok with things for a while, a few months. Then those thoughts would recur.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

biggie said:


> 1. How long have you been married?
> 
> *Almost two years*
> 
> ...


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

1. Six years

2. Yes

3. Often, married but still alone........nice.


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## randy mckay (Apr 10, 2009)

justean said:


> 2nd marriage
> married 9 yrs together 14
> i now have real thoughts thats hes not the right person to be with n e more.
> how often? more often now in the last couple of months.
> ...


realized


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

Realised is the British spelling of that word. it's not incorrect.

just fyi for anyone wanting to know!


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

1. married 3 years , together 5 years

2. yes , once or twice

3. Only when we were really mad at one another,,, therefore, I discounted it as a feeling based on anger, and hurt.


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## unhappy at home (Mar 21, 2009)

1. married 18 years

2. yes, 

3. all the time -


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## Oneday (Apr 21, 2009)

what makes a person think they married the wrong one? Are there specific incidents that make you realize that or is it just a general feeling? fall out of love? 
Im not married just yet but it scares me to think that my future husband will feel like he shouldn't have married me...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Oneday said:


> what makes a person think they married the wrong one? Are there specific incidents that make you realize that or is it just a general feeling? fall out of love?
> Im not married just yet but it scares me to think that my future husband will feel like he shouldn't have married me...


specific incidents. 

It is scary. Its sad. but its not the end of the world. its just a learning process.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

biggie said:


> I am doing some therapy with a married person who sometimes gets thoughts that he may have married the wrong person. He is convinced that this means something is definatley wrong so we have decided to do a survey. Therefore I would be most greatful if people could answer the following questions:
> 
> 
> 1. How long have you been married?
> ...



1. 10 years
2. I often get thoughts that I made a huge mistake, and I could have done better.
3. I get this feeling often, more since we had our second child.


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## Icee (Mar 31, 2009)

1. five years, together 10yrs
2. yes- I think this is natural, b/c i often have the thought/feeling there is no one else in the world that would suite me better...he's perfect. 
3. When we fight, don't come to an understanding or my words/feelings/expectations fall on deaf ears.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

Married 19.5 years together 23 years

Never questioned the thought, always knew she was the one for me.

Yep I wonder about my ability to make her happy... I have these thoughts a few times a week of late..


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

My ex-wife and I were married 19.75 years.

Never questioned my ability to make her happy.

Yes, during the last few years.

We separated, later divorced. We had become room mates and not sleeping in the same bed. Subsequent GFs were more expressive.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

My husband and I BEFORE we married talked about this happiness thing and we both are aware true happiness comes from within, nothing external or someone elses approval.
What we try to do is be kind to each other as neither of us is perfect and tolerate differences we don't like.
I would never even consider if I could make my husband "happy"...
his happiness is his responsibility as mine is.
Our objective as a couple is to work as a team to accomplish daily activites of life and work together to accomplish these short term as well as long term goals.
Neither of us expect the other to make us happy, but then we are older
and both been in decades long relationships... so this is what we know to be true as we have both had similair experiences with partners who seek perfection and had unrealistic expectations
about relationships.
So,,,,,,,,,,, I really can't vote on this poll.


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## tdr64am (May 2, 2009)

27 years
Yes, had those thoughts due to insecurity and immaturity issues; never doubted I could make her happy - she is easy to please and is never happier than when I am happy.
Much less than before. I know I did the right thing.


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## TabbyCat (Jun 13, 2009)

I've been married 5 1/2 years. I have NEVER had a doubt, before the wedding or after. I made sure. This is the first and only marriage that we will ever have, unless one of us might die.

Speaking from a female stand point, a lot of women will have a little red flag come up inside regarding their relationship, but will ignore it and marry anyway thinking they can deal with what ever the little "red flag" is, because they want to get married. That's just wrong for all parties involved. Note: I also knew who I was and what I wanted and didn't want in my life by the time I married at the age of 37.


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## phather (Jun 16, 2009)

1. 10 years

2. Of course, anyone who would say otherwise is lying - the essence of being human is wondering "what if?"

3. Every couple years - nothing I ever dwelled on too long


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