# Did you lose that 'loving feeling' but re-gained it?



## ConfusedGuy82 (Nov 18, 2011)

A little background about me: I have been in a LTR for 5.5 years. We own a house together and have pets together. For probably at least half the relationship, I just have not felt a 'spark' anymore. I feel like we are good friends, but nothing more. I care about my partner but I question if I am IN love. There's a lot more detail I could add, but for the purposes of this post, it's not needed. 

From reading posts on this forum, I know many people have been in my situation. My question is this: are there people out there who felt the way I do and left the relationship for greener pastures? If so, did you find something better...or did you regret your decision? OR did you have a change of heart and were glad that you stayed with your partner? If so, how did this change of heart come about? Many thanks in advance for your responses.


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## SandyLady80 (Sep 14, 2012)

I'm wondering the same thing. You and I are in a similar boat.

I'm reading a book, "I love you but I'm not in love with you". I'm on just about the third chapter, but it really seems to be speaking to me. You should go check it out.


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## ConfusedGuy82 (Nov 18, 2011)

Thanks for the reply. Care to share your story? I did check out the book on amazon this morning. I think I just may buy it. Thanks for the recommendation.


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## SandyLady80 (Sep 14, 2012)

ConfusedGuy82 said:


> Thanks for the reply. Care to share your story? I did check out the book on amazon this morning. I think I just may buy it. Thanks for the recommendation.


I've got details all over this forum, but in a nutshell: I've been married 5 years, in the relationship for 8 years. Everything started perfectly awesome. The only thing was that my husband had a weird fetish of me being with another man, but I was totally against it. He kept pushing it, and after I had been with my husband 4 years, I developed an attraction to a married man. Me and the married man became very good friends, but it remained completely platonic until he got divorced after a few more years. By then, I was totally in love with him and my husband realized that it wasn't just about sex, so he freaked out and cut off all contact, then changed his mind 8 months later and let me resume contact. Then I realized I couldn't live duplicitously, so I cut off the contact myself, although I haven't been perfect at no contact. 

So now I'm heartbroken that I can't be with the OM, and I can't figure out why I feel absolutely nothing but contempt and emptiness for my husband, who actually treats me very well and is being very patient as I mourn for the OM. So... yeah... I've told him "I love you but I'm not in love with you", and I don't know how I can ever really develop feelings of happiness, love and trust again, but I'm trying to just keep working on faith that it's possible, but part of me just longs to run for the hills and start over somewhere. If I didn't have a 13 year old son, I may very well have done that by now.


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