# What do I do now???????



## f'nidiotneedshelp (Feb 1, 2009)

Quick recap... raising5boyz is my wife, we had a fall out last year, almost divorced because I was unfaithful and because I was a HUGE FREAKING IDIOT. I had criminal charges pending, was charged and convicted of Assault 4, served 30 days in city jail for it, since being back with her. We split up in November, decided in January to break restraining orders and work on our marriage. Things have been great, till now. Today she read the police report from the night she caught me with the other girl at my house that I was renting, prior to starting the divorce proceedings. (Sorry if this is jumbled and all over the place, trying to see the screen through the tears.) She says that I have been doing everything "right" since I've been back, been a good husband, father, etc. Well today she read the report and I guess when I filled that out back then I said that she was abusive to my kids. The only thing she ever did was cuff my son to a chair with toy handcuffs because he wouldn't listen and wouldn't stay out of things. After all the kids play with them all the time and get themselves out of them all the time, what's the harm right? Well I guess I said she was abusive to them. Now she says she just doesn't feel that she can love me the way she did before I was unfaithful. She says she loves me, she knows I love her, but doesn't feel loved. I have been doing what I can to keep her happy, helping with the kids more, less TV, less work hours, closed the business, went to work for someone else, solid 40 hours a week, no OT. The OW has never been an issue since, haven't seen her, haven't talked to her, haven't thought of her, nothing. My wife says she is done, she doesn't want to continue being with me, she can't feel the same about me as she used to. WHAT DO I DO??? I love her with all my heart, she is my life, everything I could ever want in a woman. She keeps telling me she isn't what I want. She says I want some "hot" girls not her, she is SO wrong. I want her. I am devastated. I don't want to be without her, but she says she can't be happy with me, knowing what I did to her back then. Am I at the losing end of the tug of war rope?? Please give me your ideas here, I am desperate to save my marriage. I want my wife to be happy with me, I want her to feel my love, I want her to know I love her as much as I used to, and more. Please help me.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

If you really REALLY love her...give her two options. Option 1, give her a divorce if she wants it. Option 2, ask her to go to counseling with you to try to repair the damage. You are really under the gun here. Cheating and falsifying police reports to make he look like a bad mom...I cant think of anything more insulting and hurtful to a wife and mother then those two things.




John


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## f'nidiotneedshelp (Feb 1, 2009)

Option 1, give her a divorce if she wants it. Option 2, ask her to go to counseling with you to try to repair the damage.


> She seems to want to work things out with me, after talking last night she feels better. Divorce doesn't seem to be what she wants at this point. Thank goodness. We have gone to counseling right now it's just a matter of trying to get past this.... I am hoping that she can see I am proving my love for her. I want her to be happy with me and not regret her decision to stay with me. I know she loves me, I can feel it, I can see it. We just have to try to get beyond all the heartache and pain that I reflected on her. One day at a time I will continue to fight for her. She is my life


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Did she break off all communication with the OM? Or are they still in contact?


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## f'nidiotneedshelp (Feb 1, 2009)

init.... 
they broke off all contact months ago things were fine yesterday, now today it's over again... I don't know what to do... I love her with all my heart, and I don't EVER want to lose her, she seems convinced that she is better without me, I hope that I am just misreading that.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

You will need a boatload of patience in your situation. She thought you were the perfect husband before all of this hit the fan...absolute he77 she went thru since she found all this out...and the love and safety she felt within your marriage was gone...in an instant.

She is trying to keep it together, probably thinking of you before all this stuff hit...and reading that police report probably made her feel the reality of the situation...you acted selfishly. With the other women, maybe thinking she'd never find out or be hurt...but with the police report...direct hit to her...no regard for her as the mother of all these kids...

you will need to be really patient now.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Hmmm...I didn't even know he wrote this until tonight when I was browsing through reading posts. 

I was so upset reading that. Incredibly upset. I felt like he lied to me all over again. When we got back together he swore up and down that he never thought or said that I was mean to his children....and then I read it in his own writting. When confronted on it....he said he did not remember writting it at all. More bs? I don't know. That was a very emotionally charged night....but now there is an accusation of abuse against me FROM MY HUSBAND!!!

I am so wishy washy and back and forth about what I want and how I feel. I wonder if part of that is the time of year. Although I didn't know it at the time, Aug was when he started his escapades. I'm sure thats not helping the situation.

Ugh! I hate this! All of it!


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## Treadingcarefully (Sep 1, 2009)

raising5boyz said:


> Hmmm...I didn't even know he wrote this until tonight when I was browsing through reading posts.



Ugh? :scratchhead: If I knew my wife was on this forum, I wouldn't post intimate details for others to read. I'd just send her a PM... what was this guy thinking??

Anyhow, he's owning up for something at least, but that won't count too much against what he did.


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## GM17 (Aug 11, 2009)

If everything was going well up until that point, then maybe she is just angry & hurt all over again. You gotta butter her up & mean it, and prove to her that she is the one you want. That she is the HOT girl you want. I strongly recommend counseling. Sometimes you just need someone else's help to open your eyes to things you both ignore. Don't give up!


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