# Love is Fading



## Truly Unloved (Jan 20, 2010)

For a good six or seven months everything was really good in our relationship. Or at least I thought. Then about a month ago, things started getting bad again. He started wanting to sleep downstairs more, saying one thing and doing another, not keeping his word, things like that. I have tried everything under the sun. I have been outspoken with how I feel, I have kept it to myself, I have sucked it up and just moved on. Everytime he asks me whats wrong and I say "Nothing" he sighs and says Oh my god or something like that. When I tell him whats wrong, same thing. 

So, I did a horrible thing. I read his journal. After I went on a three day trip for my cousins wedding I came home and it was like a never left, or I wasn't gone long enough. So when I read his journal thinking something had happened or was starting, I read that he is Miserable with me and what I've influenced him to become. He's gained some weight since he stopped running. I have given him every opportunity to go running. He chooses not to. I take a zumba class and make ALL the money. I pay the rent and electric except when he brings in some money from odd jobs. Now he's getting his inheritance and I feel like he's planning on leaving me. 

He keeps mentioning in his journal he has found his dream girl, who is described nothing like me. 

He considers me a slob, regrets meeting me and says that if he had known what my family was like before he would never have gone past the first date. 

I feel bad about reading it but at the same time, I realize he has NEVER been completely honest with me. 

His last sentence mentions how he CANT marry me, yet he's let me believe this whole time he wanted to. What do I do?
I love him and his daughter and want to marry him.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Truly Unloved said:


> I love him...and want to marry him.


Why, exactly? I must have missed that part


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## Truly Unloved (Jan 20, 2010)

I love him because he used to be so sweet... I still do. Aside his cruelty i do want to marry him... always will. My life would be worthless without him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I wouldn't marry him if he's talking about his Dream GIrl. Who is she? If she has a husband/boyfriend, tell them


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

But he doesn't love you. Free him, let him go. Move on to someone who will refer to you as "his dream woman". Why be with a man who does not want to be with you. 

Let this one go.


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## FaithHopeLove (Apr 21, 2011)

Truly Unloved said:


> I love him because he used to be so sweet... I still do. Aside his cruelty i do want to marry him... always will. My life would be worthless without him.


Before you work on your relationship with this guy, work on yourself. 

Your life would be worthless without him? Ya right Sweetie--- trust me, you'd probably be WAY better without him.

You're not happy now, right? Well don't expect him to change and really stop wasting your time. 

Please start treating yourself like the queen you are and deserve to be treated as!


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## jackhei60 (May 5, 2011)

Let him go.


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

jackhei60 said:


> Let him go.


:iagree: There is someone else out there for you! Don't keep wasting your life on him.


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## Truly Unloved (Jan 20, 2010)

I know this man is supposed to be with me forever. Its not him thats the problem, it's my parents. I want us to be a family but they hate him and we never can. They have done nothing but cause us trouble, and thats why he said he didn't want to marry me. 

We talked last night and decided we don't need to be married to be together. I am comfortable with this. Some people date for years. That's okay. As long as I have him with me. 

Some women cannot understand what it's like to be separated from the man who loves you, someone you love no matter what. It isn't a good feeling. I have no one left but him. I've been betrayed by all my family, every single friend I had betrayed me. I am alone without him. 

Dont you see? I supposed I needed to hear that I was overreacting, or taking it too seriously. I need some ideas on how to cope with this. 

Thanks for all your help, I appreciate it.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

FaithHopeLove said:


> Before you work on your relationship with this guy, work on yourself.
> 
> Your life would be worthless without him? Ya right Sweetie--- trust me, you'd probably be WAY better without him.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

Truly Unloved said:


> For a good six or seven months everything was really good in our relationship. Or at least I thought. Then about a month ago, things started getting bad again. He started wanting to sleep downstairs more, saying one thing and doing another, not keeping his word, things like that. I have tried everything under the sun. I have been outspoken with how I feel, I have kept it to myself, I have sucked it up and just moved on. Everytime he asks me whats wrong and I say "Nothing" he sighs and says Oh my god or something like that. When I tell him whats wrong, same thing.
> 
> So, I did a horrible thing. I read his journal. After I went on a three day trip for my cousins wedding I came home and it was like a never left, or I wasn't gone long enough. So when I read his journal thinking something had happened or was starting, I read that he is Miserable with me and what I've influenced him to become. He's gained some weight since he stopped running. I have given him every opportunity to go running. He chooses not to. I take a zumba class and make ALL the money. I pay the rent and electric except when he brings in some money from odd jobs. Now he's getting his inheritance and I feel like he's planning on leaving me.
> 
> ...


Writing seems on the wall (or rather in the journal) for this situation very clearly. Why would you want to stay with a man who's thought of you this way? Love doesn't cure dysfunction or disrespect, I hope you know you are worthy of better.


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## anon_4_now (Mar 23, 2011)

Truly Unloved said:


> I know this man is supposed to be with me forever. Its not him thats the problem, it's my parents. I want us to be a family but they hate him and we never can. They have done nothing but cause us trouble, and thats why he said he didn't want to marry me.
> 
> We talked last night and decided we don't need to be married to be together. I am comfortable with this. Some people date for years. That's okay. As long as I have him with me.
> 
> ...


To cope with this, you have to figure out some things about yourself.

What happened that all of your family and all of your friends left you? I hate to be this blunt but before you think about anyone else, you need to figure out what *you* are doing that has driven EVERYONE away from you.

Once you take care of yourself (love yourself first), you will be able to love another and accept their love for you.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You mention that some won't understand being separated from the man who loves you--but this guy does not love you. He's made that clear. You are unhappy b/c you are with someone who does not value you, does not cherish you. You deserve that. Because you are responsible enough to be the major earner for the two of you, you can leave. Take time on your own to figure out why you are so unhappy, why you choose friends and lovers who betray you (his journal reveals that he has betrayed you). Let go, and get some counseling. Probably you are re-creating the conditions from your past, trying through friends and lovers to correct whatever went wrong with your parents. Maybe they are just dysfunctional people, and you gravitate toward dysfunctional people in an effort to re-write your childhood script. That's usually what we all do until we realize it, and then we slowly learn to avoid making the same mistake over and over again. 

It sounds like your self-esteem is pretty low. Counseling would really help with that too. You could be a much happier person if you took the time to figure out how you got to this point in life and worked to fix that. If you are afraid of being alone, that's ok; lots of people are. You will know you are on the road to happiness when you realize that being alone is not the worst thing--it is a gift, because then you will only choose friends and lovers who make giving up your precious time worth it. God bless.


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## FaithHopeLove (Apr 21, 2011)

Truly Unloved said:


> I know this man is supposed to be with me forever. Its not him thats the problem, it's my parents. I want us to be a family but they hate him and we never can. They have done nothing but cause us trouble, and thats why he said he didn't want to marry me.
> 
> We talked last night and decided we don't need to be married to be together. I am comfortable with this. Some people date for years. That's okay. As long as I have him with me.
> 
> ...


This post made my stomach turn over on itself--- so many of your statements tell of major relationship issues and self-esteem issues that honestly I don't think you'll get it until this guy ruins your heart and soul.

Take it from a person who loved exactly how you are loving this guy and who ended up emotionally, mentally, and physically abused by two different boyfriends in my life. 

If your family are having issues with him I really hope you at least take them into consideration. My parents hated my fiance for the longest time and they only stopped when they realized what he was going through and that he was shaping up. 

Anyways, I don't think you'll want to listen to certain viewpoints as you've already set your heart on loving this guy even if he doesn't value you and your love. I know this will sound harsh, but I won't be surprised if you end up heart broken over him. He really does not sound like he's in it for the relationship with you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

TrulyUnloved, check this out: if someone doesn't want to be with you or give you 100%, and that is what YOU want, you're wasting your time.

You need to work on you, focus on you and stop putting him at the center of the universe. There are 6.9 billion people on this planet. He isn't the only person walking around nor are you chained to him.

Get some self-respect and move on. 

When someone rejects you, don't stick around waiting for them to do it again.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

anon_4_now said:


> To cope with this, you have to figure out some things about yourself.
> 
> *What happened that all of your family and all of your friends left you? I hate to be this blunt but before you think about anyone else, you need to figure out what you are doing that has driven EVERYONE away from you.[/B
> 
> ]Once you take care of yourself (love yourself first), you will be able to love another and accept their love for you.*


*

It's not fair to place blame if we don't know what the reason is.
My family does not talk to me because I refuse to allow my mother to be abusive. I also refused to let her hijack my wedding plans. Everyone in my family is so afraid of my mother, except me. I am not to blame her pathology or others cowardice.*


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## anon_4_now (Mar 23, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> It's not fair to place blame if we don't know what the reason is.
> My family does not talk to me because I refuse to allow my mother to be abusive. I also refused to let her hijack my wedding plans. Everyone in my family is so afraid of my mother, except me. I am not to blame her pathology or others cowardice.


If one states that all of her family and all of her friends have left her, there is a 99.9% chance that it is something she has done. 

If it was just family, then I would agree with you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I wonder if the boyf somehow isolated her from everyone else? Like in abusive relationships?? 

Anyway at this point we're all mind-reading. No way to tell until she says why.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I wonder if the boyf somehow isolated her from everyone else? Like in abusive relationships??
> 
> Anyway at this point we're all mind-reading. No way to tell until she says why.


That is a strong possibility; he could be keeping her away from them.

It's true. Nobody really knows.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Try dating one of the Nice Guys and not the jerk for a change.


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## The Grey One (Dec 9, 2013)

Truly Unloved said:


> I know this man is supposed to be with me forever. Its not him thats the problem, it's my parents. I want us to be a family but they hate him and we never can. They have done nothing but cause us trouble, and thats why he said he didn't want to marry me.
> 
> We talked last night and decided we don't need to be married to be together. I am comfortable with this. Some people date for years. That's okay. As long as I have him with me.
> 
> ...


You need to grow up and stop watching hollywood romances. You have zero self-esteem and self respect. He's walking all over you - largely because you've made it impossible for him not to.

When you make yourself into a doormat and push yourself under his feet...

Again - grow up. Break it off with him and be by yourself long enough to learn how to actually enjoy yourself.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Zombie thread...you're responding to a post from over two years ago.


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## The Grey One (Dec 9, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> Zombie thread...you're responding to a post from over two years ago.


My bad. Curse those 'similar thread' links...


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