# Trying to fix things



## mistrusting11 (Sep 25, 2011)

About 2 weeks ago I found out my Husband cheated on me a week before our wedding. He says it was a one time thing and that it won't happen again, that he was unsure of things. The issue is doing a little back checking I found messages from the person dating back to a few weeks ago. He continues to deny everything but is now evasive to my questions. I wouldn't care but we haven't been married long (about 6 months) and he is preparing to deploy. I'm not sure how I can be married to someone I can't trust, how can I know he will stay faithful when he's down range when so many soldiers don't.


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## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

You married a rat...once a cheater, always a cheater...I take it you have no children with this little boy? Get out, and fast!!! He can NEVER be trusted....


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

He cheated a week before the wedding??? That is unforgivable in my opinion. That week should be when he can't do anything but think about how much he wants to be married to YOU. I agree with ThirdTime, this guy isn't worth spending your entire life wondering about. And definitely don't add any kids to this mix... get this sorted out and preferably BEFORE he is deployed.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

I assume you don't have children with this man.

Take a step back and rationalise what you want.

Youve been married for 6 months and he can't or wont tell you the full truth, and he is still in contact with her.

How did you find out about his cheating?

He cheated a week before your marriage, the period before and during the first years of marriage are normaly the times when you are "most loved up" , yet your husband chose to cheat. It is highly likley he will cheat again. Do you want to live your life with doubt , do you want children and when they are four or so years old find out he is having sex with another woman. Your husband has dubious morals and the deployment will be an opportunity for him to be single and to carry on playing the field while wifey sits at home hoping he is being honest.

You may want to stay with this man , does he want to stay with you ? He may say the words but his actions need to support this.

I suggest you expose his pre marriage cheating to his family and yours and if he has a shred of remorse and wants to remain married you have him sign a post nup giving you full access to his pension , half his salary and all the bills are his to pay should you divorce him. He hand writes a letter of no contact that you approve wherein he commits to permanent no contact, he gives you all passwords and full access to every detail of his life. Harsh words, biased - yes , he has already proven he is willing to cheat and place your health at risk from STDs.


Experience from others will say your marriage is not going to make it .

Decide what you want out of your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

mistrusting11 said:


> About 2 weeks ago I found out my Husband cheated on me a week before our wedding. He says it was a one time thing and that it won't happen again, that he was unsure of things. The issue is doing a little back checking I found messages from the person dating back to a few weeks ago. He continues to deny everything but is now evasive to my questions. I wouldn't care but we haven't been married long (about 6 months) and he is preparing to deploy. I'm not sure how I can be married to someone I can't trust, how can I know he will stay faithful when he's down range when so many soldiers don't.


well you have no foundation for a successful R

1) He's still contacting OW
2) He's not being transparent and is hiding things
3) he's not remorseful and blameshifting (using cold feet as an excuse to cheat)

I'm sorry you can't do this without a willing partner and right now you don't have one.
If you just accept it and not do anything about it this will lead to him continuing affairs.


It's time to put your foot down and say "It's me or her and this is what you have to do (insert terms above) or else I will not stay in this marriage" and go from there. (heck, you might not even want to stay with him.)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

When was your wedding?

How did you find out he cheated?

Bottom line--he lied and was still in contact. It's no wonder you can't trust him --he's not trustworthy.

What do you want to do?

Is the OW married/partnered? If so, out of her to her significant other with zero warning to your husband or her.


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

If he is getting ready to deploy...how long do you have before he leaves and how long will he be gone?

While he is gone take advantage of this time to take care of yourself and explore your emotions. There is no reason to rush into a decision about divorce or anything...take your time and take care of yourself.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sounds like he wants a marriage where he can do what he wants and you "shut the hell up". He will cheat on deployment. They call it TDY and that's the way most soldiers see it-Temporarily Divorce Yourself.


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