# When you hate your job



## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I’ve been at my current job 8 years. It’s a professional position ( working in the field I attended college for) but I resent it. My boss has made provenly false accusations and is an overall ****. It’s a small business so if I ask for references I’ll have to leave. My husband can’t stand my boss and had suggested I leave. He earns 4 x my income, so I could leave. However, thinking about it and doing it are different things. My income is my kids tuition and vacation money. Do I suck it up for 5 more years and leave? Take a job outside my field and work to earn $$? I love my coworkers but loathe my boss


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Good question , right back at ya. I'm in the same boat


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So I've also been at my job for 8 years. It's been a great company but was acquired by another company last year and that company has terrible senior management. I've become unhappy for a number of reasons.....my boss is great but a lot of things are out of his control.

I'm the sole income earner as bf and I don't live together and my 2 college age sons aren't self sufficient yet. I've got 3 interviews this week (one this morning) and a 4th next week. And I've just started looking over the last few weeks. Since your hb makes so much more you have a little cushion.

If you're miserable look for another job. I have the benefit of my field always having jobs open and I'm not jumping ship without a decent salary bump. What does your field look like?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My wife hates her job and is considering quitting due to burn out. I have suggested she quit many times and take a year off.

Like you she says oh I want this money for A, B, and C. I said well let’s sell this and that, open up a Roth IRA and put your “retirement” into it and it will completely replace your income. She’s on my insurance anyway but uses her own vision, so swap hers to mine. So really there will be no change.

Her answer is that she never wants to hear she can’t buy something because she’s not working. Ok?


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Essentially monkey branch to a new job. Inside or outside of your field doesn't really matter. Granted, the grass isn't always greener, but it's cliche, most people don't leave their job, they leave their manager. You're hardly unique and a hiring manager would certainly understand your lack of references from your current job, if they don't know you're actively looking for a new one.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Made too many assumptions and gave unsolicited advice, removing this post as unhelpful. Sorry.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Education. I need references. When I ask for them I won’t be renewed.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

@snowburn 

Do you have any close friends on the job who can be trusted not to blab if asked for a reference? What about other people who have left the company? 

Yes, a reference from your current employer would be nice but do you really need that up front at the application stage? Can't you just hold off a potential new employer saying you will provide the references upon request? Then name a former teacher or colleague so your job search remains secret until you have something lined up. Most employers know that a potential employee doesn't want their present employer to know they are looking.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

My thoughts here is life is too short to be miserable with a job where your boss is not pleasant to deal with. You probably dread going to work every day and then go home with the headache of what you endured that day. I know years ago as a single mom I was self employed and every client I had was important. One of the ladies was just awful to deal with and I tried to replace but could not. Many years later I still think of her as the most awful person I have ever had to deal with. 

If your husband can financially support the family himself until you can become employed again I would definitely take that route.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

You don't need references from your current job to apply for others. Most if not all employers understand that is a touchy subject. I've never provided them myself, or expected when hiring.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Applications require you send 3 letters of reference. The letters I have are 7 years old. I do have to provide them at time of application.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Education is different animal.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

The thing is once you ask someone to be a reference the assumption is you’re gone. And I’m not ready to definitively leave yet.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Applications require you send 3 letters of reference. The letters I have are 7 years old. I do have to provide them at time of application.


So go back to the 3 people who wrote them for you 7 years ago. Ask a parent. Ask your minister. As a neighbor. Don't you have colleagues at different schools who can speak about you? Ask anybody other than your present employer. Heck, I wrote a letter of recommendation for one of my friend's kids last year even though I knew very little about her academic achievements. It's a matter of having them; not who wrote them.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

snowbum said:


> Applications require you send 3 letters of reference. The letters I have are 7 years old. I do have to provide them at time of application.


Then send those. That would not be a problem for me as a hiring manager.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

The people who wrote them haven’t seen me in 8 years. They should be current job specific letters. Not general references


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Education. I need references. When I ask for them I won’t be renewed.


Is it possible to get references from your peers and not your boss?


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Then start networking. Get those folks back in your life. General references are still better than no references. When asked for a more current reference if those folks have any common sense they will ask Qs about your life / work so they can be more specific. Invite them out to lunch so something so you can catch up & they can give you the reference you need. 

You are making excuses out of fear now. (I do the same thing) Seriously. You have to try.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

That's why I work for myself... and I am my own boss, and I'm a pretty tolerant boss...


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I know I have to reach out. I will. I can’t stay here.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

How long is your current contract?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

snowbum said:


> Education. I need references. When I ask for them I won’t be renewed.


My son was recently job hunting at a professional level. He interviewed with several companies and got 4 very good job offers. Not one of them asked for references. They all said that they do background checks. I guess now many employers consider that more reliable than references. After all what would any reference you provide say about you except something good? You would not give a reference who you know would be negative. So basically, references are not all that reliable anyway.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

snowbum said:


> I’ve been at my current job 8 years. It’s a professional position ( working in the field I attended college for) but I resent it. My boss has made provenly false accusations and is an overall ****. It’s a small business so if I ask for references I’ll have to leave. My husband can’t stand my boss and had suggested I leave. He earns 4 x my income, so I could leave. However, thinking about it and doing it are different things. My income is my kids tuition and vacation money. Do I suck it up for 5 more years and leave? Take a job outside my field and work to earn $$? I love my coworkers but loathe my boss


It's much easier to get a job when you already have a job and especially one that you've had for some years. Not that all HR or hiring people are smart but many would take into consideration the fact that you'd been there for so many years before taking any lack of references seriously because if you were bad you wouldn't still be there. 

The good thing about applying for jobs when you already have one is you can just tell them that no I'm afraid you can't check this reference because I would lose my job if you don't hire me. They have to understand that. 

Don't tell them that you're having a conflict with the boss. Tell them you were just looking to move up and that you don't think you can do it there because it's a small company.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Are you able to start a business of your own and build it on the side? It would be nice to get off the treadmill.

My wife had personal service businesses that earned more per hour on the hours she chose to work than I did on a job I did not like and ground through 60+ hours a week just to pay the bills.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

OnTheRocks said:


> You don't need references from your current job to apply for others. Most if not all employers understand that is a touchy subject. I've never provided them myself, or expected when hiring.


Education requires references and most require a principal within the last 2 years


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

D0nnivain said:


> @snowburn
> 
> Do you have any close friends on the job who can be trusted not to blab if asked for a reference? What about other people who have left the company?
> 
> Yes, a reference from your current employer would be nice but do you really need that up front at the application stage? Can't you just hold off a potential new employer saying you will provide the references upon request? Then name a former teacher or colleague so your job search remains secret until you have something lined up. Most employers know that a potential employee doesn't want their present employer to know they are looking.


Agreed. I'm not asking my current job for a reference even though they really like me.

I'm good friends with a former boss and he'll give me a glowing reference. And I'll call on another close friend for a personal reference.

I've done it for her.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

8 years in the same company is a very good reference in its self


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