# Husband is an arse



## Rejectedliver

Hi i am new my husband is an arse -no sex plays stupid mind games i just told him i am moving out of our bedroom he didnt even say a thing good i am as good as gone


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## MaiChi

I am one of the few people who believe that the arguments of the body's physical needs should be separated from the arguments of the intellect. 

If I am angry with my husband about money, or children or whatever, my body still needs sex so I still have sex with him. I never mix or confuse the two. 

I also do not like any disagreement to carry on once we are in the bedroom. We use our bedroom as a refuge place where no topic of disagreement should be discussed. If either of us is feeling like they need to say their mind out, then we stay in the living room till all is said. 

Once the system has broken down, like yours seems to have, you need to find a starting point where you can discuss it without arguing. You have just escalated the issues and made the situation worse. So now its you that needs to come back to him. He could just sit back and wait till you break, especially if he does not want sex like you say. What would be your next move? You boxed yourself in the corner. 

My reaction to no sex would have been to go to bed as normal and then use my hands on myself once he says no. Keep asking daily but use my hands every time he says no, so he knows I really need sex.


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## 2ntnuf

Why do you feel your liver is being rejected?  

:laugh: sorry, maybe a mod will change that for you?


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## Rejectedliver

MaiChi said:


> I am one of the few people who believe that the arguments of the body's physical needs should be separated from the arguments of the intellect.
> 
> If I am angry with my husband about money, or children or whatever, my body still needs sex so I still have sex with him. I never mix or confuse the two.
> 
> I also do not like any disagreement to carry on once we are in the bedroom. We use our bedroom as a refuge place where no topic of disagreement should be discussed. If either of us is feeling like they need to say their mind out, then we stay in the living room till all is said.
> 
> Once the system has broken down, like yours seems to have, you need to find a starting point where you can discuss it without arguing. You have just escalated the issues and made the situation worse. So now its you that needs to come back to him. He could just sit back and wait till you break, especially if he does not want sex like you say. What would be your next move? You boxed yourself in the corner.
> 
> My reaction to no sex would have been to go to bed as normal and then use my hands on myself once he says no. Keep asking daily but use my hands every time he says no, so he knows I really need sex.


I have tried that if he doesnt want it then no one is getting it its my last resort i have tried everything he just doesnt care


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## Rejectedliver

Lol lol the user name was already taken lo
Ty that made me laugh just a little 
l


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## Rejectedliver

He says no point saying anything if ive decided so he says nothing -its the whole attitude thats a kicker - he refuses to take any medication for the sex bit also


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## EleGirl

Rejectedliver said:


> Hi i am new my husband is an arse -no sex plays stupid mind games i just told him i am moving out of our bedroom he didnt even say a thing good i am as good as gone


You should consider using punctuation so we can read what you are writing and understand it.

How long have you been married?


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## EleGirl

Rejectedliver said:


> He says no point saying anything if ive decided so he says nothing -its the whole attitude thats a kicker - he refuses to take any medication for the sex bit also


Does he have low T?


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## MattMatt

Rejectedliver said:


> Hi i am new my husband is an arse -no sex plays stupid mind games i just told him i am moving out of our bedroom he didnt even say a thing good i am as good as gone


What kind of stupid mind games does he play?

Would counselling help, do you think?


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## Rejectedliver

25 years


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## Rejectedliver

EleGirl said:


> Does he have low T?


25 years no he doesnt have low testerone .? H has ed so its no sex for him and so none for me either .he is an arse


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## Blondilocks

Would you put up with any other roommate trying to control what you do with your own body? You don't have a husband - you have a roommate who is a control freak.


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## Rejectedliver

Blondilocks said:


> Would you put up with any other roommate trying to control what you do with your own body? You don't have a husband - you have a roommate who is a control freak.


Hmmm maybe ur right i am not sure really how u mean this ? wat i should do then ? Sorry if i sound dumb


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## Blondilocks

Rejectedliver said:


> Hmmm maybe ur right i am not sure really how u mean this ? wat i should do then ? Sorry if i sound dumb


You can explain that you need sex and if he isn't willing to oblige then you will make other arrangements. Do you want to remain married to him?


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## Rejectedliver

Been to councelling ok mind games ok eg like if i ask him something he will say yes or no giving the I'm pression that the actual item or whatever is lets say he doesnt have it But in reality it might be not in his actual possession but yes its in the car so yes he did bring it -of like the other day he says going to mcdonalds to get some dinner i didnt really want anything but he said i am not going to drive through till i decide ok we get to the windos he orders me a coffee sone chips -doesnt order himself anything -ok thsts odd cause he sajd he was there to get something for dinner -So i said you didnt order anything he said no i am going to have pizza at home What the i o ly irdered it cause i was prezzured into it and cause he said he was getting dinner for himself am i dumb ???


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## Rejectedliver

Blondilocks said:


> You can explain that you need sex and if he isn't willing to oblige then you will make other arrangements. Do you want to remain married to him?


The jury is out i am undecided i dont wanna go witbout it but i dont think i can be made to abstain forever


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## Blondilocks

How does he 'make you' abstain? Are you in a dom/sub marriage?


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## MattMatt

Rejectedliver said:


> Been to councelling ok mind games ok eg like if i ask him something he will say yes or no giving the I'm pression that the actual item or whatever is lets say he doesnt have it But in reality it might be not in his actual possession but yes its in the car so yes he did bring it -of like the other day he says going to mcdonalds to get some dinner i didnt really want anything but he said i am not going to drive through till i decide ok we get to the windos he orders me a coffee sone chips -doesnt order himself anything -ok thsts odd cause he sajd he was there to get something for dinner -So i said you didnt order anything he said no i am going to have pizza at home What the i o ly irdered it cause i was prezzured into it and cause he said he was getting dinner for himself am i dumb ???


Ahh. I see. So he goes somewhere, for a specific purpose, then doesn't do it, but blames you for it, somehow?

I knew a man in his early 40s who went like that. It turned out he wasn't playing mind games, or suffering from depression like his Doctors thought. He was actually going through early onset dementia. 

You might need to have this checked off just to make certain that is not what's happening with your husband.


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## Rejectedliver

By not having sex thats usually how someone abstains - so there is noooo sex of any sort


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## 2ntnuf

I think you need @turnera. At least, I think she should take a look. Something off here. I hope she will look at your situation.


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## MattMatt

@Rejectedliver I think that before we can offer meaningful advice, we need more information.

For example has he always been an arse? Do you have any children, etc?


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## Rejectedliver

Omg poir man he has ED and now dementia and i am a selfish ***** and i want sex lol lol maybe if he had dementia he would forget he has Ed and that would fix the problen Seriously idk wat to do not getting sex is driving me up the wall


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## Rejectedliver

Omg if only he got dementia thrn he would forget he has ED and so i could get some -No sex is just driving me up the wall


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## AVR1962

Rejectedliver said:


> Hi i am new my husband is an arse -no sex plays stupid mind games i just told him i am moving out of our bedroom he didnt even say a thing good i am as good as gone


Tell us more.....your opening line speaks alot...no sex? Been there. Plays games? Sounds like resentment and he is holding you accountable so he is going to withhold what you want from him. Lived it for 27 years. Look up "passive-aggressive" online and see if this fits the description of your husband.


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## Rejectedliver

MattMatt said:


> @Rejectedliver I think that before we can offer meaningful advice, we need more information.
> 
> For example has he always been an arse? Do you have any children, etc?


Children grown up -no hw hasnt always been an arse but the lack of sex and his unwillingness to do anything about it is driving me insane i dont want to not have sex ever again -


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## 269370

Rejectedliver said:


> Been to councelling ok mind games ok eg like if i ask him something he will say yes or no giving the I'm pression that the actual item or whatever is lets say he doesnt have it But in reality it might be not in his actual possession but yes its in the car so yes he did bring it -of like the other day he says going to mcdonalds to get some dinner i didnt really want anything but he said i am not going to drive through till i decide ok we get to the windos he orders me a coffee sone chips -doesnt order himself anything -ok thsts odd cause he sajd he was there to get something for dinner -So i said you didnt order anything he said no i am going to have pizza at home What the i o ly irdered it cause i was prezzured into it and cause he said he was getting dinner for himself am i dumb ???




Is he manipulating you into eating McDonald’s instead of having sex? I can’t quite grasp the problem.


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## Rejectedliver

I dont get how his response to I am moving out of our bedroom is to say nothing to just have no response at all i just dont get it


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## Rejectedliver

Lol lol lol i think hes fattening me up so i wont want it idk its an example of stoopid games he plays like when i told him i amoving out of the bedroom he said nothing not a thing - i asked him like u care so little and his reply if u have made up ur mind nothing i say eill change it


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## MattMatt

So, he has ED, and you are very frustrated about this.

Why has he got ED?


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## Rejectedliver

Ummmm well im not having sex with him and im not having sex with anyone else .. so i am abstaining forced not my choice


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## Rejectedliver

He has ED cause he cant get an erection


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## 3Xnocharm

Rejectedliver said:


> I dont get how his response to I am moving out of our bedroom is to say nothing to just have no response at all i just dont get it


Instead of ruminating how he can be such an ass, take this for what it is... your answer. He is telling you his stance on things and his feelings when he gives no response and appears not to care. He doesn't. So there is your ticket to get out. In the long run it just doesn't matter HOW or WHY he is like this, he just IS, and it hurts and alienates you. Grab that ticket and get the hell out.


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## personofinterest

I'll be frank. I have trouble following your posts. They are brief and don't always follow the questions asked. Obviously he is ED because he can't get an erection. The question posed is WHY can't he get an erection? Diabetes, obesity, bad health, psychological causes?

I am not sure if English is not your first language. But I am not even sure what you are saying at times. Do you and your husband communicate, or do you tend to just talk AT him? Have you TOLD him clearly what you need, or do you just move out and expect him to say something and get it?


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## Rejectedliver

2ntnuf said:


> I think you need @turnera. At least, I think she should take a look. Something off here. I hope she will look at your situation.


I am happy to listen to any advice -i think ir right something is very off in this marriage I really dont want to never have sex again -


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## Rejectedliver

personofinterest said:


> I'll be frank. I have trouble following your posts. They are brief and don't always follow the questions asked. Obviously he is ED because he can't get an erection. The question posed is WHY can't he get an erection? Diabetes, obesity, bad health, psychological causes?
> 
> I am not sure if English is not your first language. But I am not even sure what you are saying at times. Do you and your husband communicate, or do you tend to just talk AT him? Have you TOLD him clearly what you need, or do you just move out and expect him to say something and get it?


Lol lol i forget sometimes to put the quote in or i forget to make the reply to the person etc - He has ED probs because of diabetes but he had it b4 he was diagnosed with it We have seriously discussed it . Basically nothing helps he refuses to try anything else so he wont try and he makes no attempt - he doesnt want to be pressured so i have to back off whilst i am going nuts wanting it - it is very difficult


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## Rejectedliver

​


Rejectedliver said:


> Lol lol i forget sometimes to put the quote in or i forget to make the reply to the person etc - He has ED probs because of diabetes but he had it b4 he was diagnosed with it We have seriously discussed it . Basically nothing helps he refuses to try anything else so he wont try and he makes no attempt - he doesnt want to be pressured so i have to back off whilst i am going nuts wanting it - it is very difficult - he also doesnt have any libido and he is not interested in any intimate act of any kind


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## Rejectedliver

3Xnocharm said:


> Instead of ruminating how he can be such an ass, take this for what it is... your answer. He is telling you his stance on things and his feelings when he gives no response and appears not to care. He doesn't. So there is your ticket to get out. In the long run it just doesn't matter HOW or WHY he is like this, he just IS, and it hurts and alienates you. Grab that ticket and get the hell out.


Ty


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Can you provide more info;

From when things were good, when things changed, how did he start becoming a butt, when did you start talking with him on his "buttness", does he have medical issues he's sensitive about perhaps, and the last time you had sex, what finally brought on all this coming to a head? 

25 yrs married indicates some good times, what were the turns for the worse?

Kindly, can you use more punctuation and paragraphs?

Best,


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## MattMatt

Rejectedliver said:


> Lol lol i forget sometimes to put the quote in or i forget to make the reply to the person etc - He has ED probs because of diabetes but he had it b4 he was diagnosed with it We have seriously discussed it . Basically nothing helps he refuses to try anything else so he wont try and he makes no attempt - he doesnt want to be pressured so i have to back off whilst i am going nuts wanting it - it is very difficult


So, he isn't *actually* being an arse, he is suffering from a debilitating and potentially life-threatening illness that means he can't get an erection? 

And it is possible that his pre-diabetes ED might have been caused by diabetes, but that his diabetes might not have been diagnosed early enough.

And I do have a dog in this race, as I have Type 2 Diabetes so I am aware of the problems that can arise. (No pun intended, that just slipped out.)

You both need to see his diabetes nurse and a diabetes specialist at the hospital. 

I hope you can both move forward as a happy and non-frustrated happy couple.


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## EleGirl

You would probably benefit from this thread. *The Sex Starved Wife* 

It's a very long thread, so read at least the first few page as they list resources.


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## EleGirl

As I and others have said, your posts are hard to make sense of because you don't use sentences or much punctuation. But from what I can get out of them.....

Your husband has diabetes which is causing him to have ED. He most likely has no sex drive and that's why he does not want sex. It's like not being hungry and someone wants you to eat a big meal... ugh.

Plus, he's passive aggressive. Most people who withhold sex are doing it as a passive aggressive way to punish their spouse.

He is playing mean games with you instead of dealing with the issues head on. It takes two of play passive aggressive games. If you stop playing your part in them, he will not be able to continue. For example, if you stop bugging him for sex, he cannot use withholding sex to punish you.

He did not say anything about you moving to another room because he is pleased that you moved to another room. That way he does not have to deal with you when you are in the other room. It's a win for him. Being passive aggressive, he could not come right out and tell you that he wants you to disappear. But he won by driving you nuts until you moved to another room.

If you want to break the dynamics of your marriage to fix it, read the book "Divorce Busting" and pay special attention to the chapter on changing the environment. If you do this, give it no more than 6 months. If things are greatly improved in 6 months, file for divorce.

If you are done with your marriage, file for divorce. This is no way to live.


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## EleGirl

Also, why would a guy who has diabetes eat food from McDonalds? It's a diabetic's nightmare unless he throws out the buns, the fries, etc.


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## MattMatt

EleGirl said:


> Also, why would a guy who has diabetes eat food from McDonalds? It's a diabetic's nightmare unless he throws out the buns, the fries, etc.


A man with diabetes wants sex, probably very _very_ badly indeed.

But if he can't get a good erection, or comes too early, as a result of his floppy penis, he will feel too ashamed to even attempt sex. Especially if his wife might have made a remark like: "Don't start what you can't finish" or "Why are you such an arse?" (for example.) 

And a visit to McDonald's isn't too bad. They have salads and fresh fruit... and all the normal foods that stop you feeling like a such a ****ing sickly freak. 

Phew! Sorry! that all just sort of bubbled out.


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## EleGirl

MattMatt said:


> A man with diabetes wants sex, probably very _very_ badly indeed.
> 
> But if he can't get a good erection, or comes too early, as a result of his floppy penis, he will feel too ashamed to even attempt sex. Especially if his wife might have made a remark like: "Don't start what you can't finish" or "Why are you such an arse?" (for example.)


That's a good point. If this is what he is going through and his wife is not empathetic, then he would shut down.



MattMatt said:


> And a visit to McDonald's isn't too bad. They have salads and fresh fruit... and all the normal foods that stop you feeling like a such a ****ing sickly freak.
> 
> Phew! Sorry! that all just sort of bubbled out.


Yea, makes sense.


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## MattMatt

EleGirl said:


> That's a good point. If this is what he is going through and his wife is not empathetic, then he would shut down.
> 
> 
> 
> Yea, makes sense.


And I don't supersize my meals any more.


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## 269370

MattMatt said:


> And a visit to McDonald's isn't too bad. They have salads and fresh fruit...



Yeah that’s why people go to McD: fresh fruits and salads 



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## 269370

Is it reasonable to dissolve a marriage over a floppy penis? It’s not a trick question, I’m genuinely curious. And a bit scared (off to do some penis exercises...)


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## EleGirl

inmyprime said:


> Is it reasonable to dissolve a marriage over a floppy penis? It’s not a trick question, I’m genuinely curious. And a bit scared (off to do some penis exercises...)


Is it reasonable to dissolve a marriage over no sex? It seems that many here advocate for divorce when this occurs.


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## CharlieParker

inmyprime said:


> Is it reasonable to dissolve a marriage over a floppy penis? It’s not a trick question, I’m genuinely curious. And a bit scared (off to do some penis exercises...)


High blood pressure and then a side effect of my BP med gave ED. It was horrible and I was ready to set her free. It didn't come to that, an RX did the trick for me.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

inmyprime said:


> Is it reasonable to dissolve a marriage over a floppy penis? It’s not a trick question, I’m genuinely curious. And a bit scared (off to do some penis exercises...)
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I think most here would give the same response as they do to all the men who complain about frigid/unresponsive wives or otherwise sexless marriages. This is not a black/white question.

Is this just a lack of desire for your partner or is there a legitimate (physical or mental) health reason for the lack of responsiveness? If there is a health reason, what is the partner doing to rectify it? Does the partner care enough to bring out all the stops to fix the situation? 

If yes, then giv'em some time, love, and support. If not, then bail.


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## StillSearching

Rejectedliver said:


> He has ED cause he cant get an erection


Just this right here!!
That's all i need to know.


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## Ursula

Rejectedliver said:


> I dont get how his response to I am moving out of our bedroom is to say nothing to just have no response at all i just dont get it


To me, it sounds like you've both checked out, and while it's hard to get checked back in, it can be done. Have you thought about couples counselling? This forum here is also a really good sounding board. It helped me through my own separation, and eventual divorce.


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## Mr. Nail

I finally found @Rejectedliver 's story. It's good to get to know where she is coming from. I'm also a type 2 diabetic. And have degrading ED. Men at this age are prone to a nasty combination of medical conditions. Diabetes, Overweight, Low testosterone, and High blood pressure. Each one contributes to the others. Low Testosterone makes men grouchy and irritable, or as you say an Arse. 

My doctor is an endocrinologist and treats the conditions simultaneously. I think it would be very helpful for your husband. 

Also quite frankly, a person with low sex drive is not going to be interested in talking to his doctor about ED. You can't threaten a low Drive person with moving out of the room, it's a relief to them. Or at least that's what my wife says. 

Also I recommend some shopping at Tantusinc.com You will be able to think more clearly after a bit of relief.


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## 269370

EleGirl said:


> Is it reasonable to dissolve a marriage over no sex? It seems that many here advocate for divorce when this occurs.



Isn’t there a difference between involuntary no sex and voluntary no sex? It’s not like the husband can and doesn’t.


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## Rejectedliver

Ty everyone I am sorry i dont use pu ctuation . Have been very patient withhim and i am empatbeti but the thought of never having sex again or feel8ng him is so sad to me i am greiving the loss of our sex life .He really is a very good person and i do love him . BUT the thought of no intimacy of any sort with him is very difficult i am so sad . He really isnt an arse . I dont pressure him I have really tried hard through all the rejection when i have approached him .I understand he suffers from great anxiety and loss of self esteem and his loss of libido and not being able to enjoy sex anymore .I dont approach him anymore i try and be as non sexually threatening but it is very difficult so its like if he holds my hand it doesnt progress to anything more than that - its really hard for him i really do understand BUT is this a deal breaker ??


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## 269370

CharlieParker said:


> High blood pressure and then a side effect of my BP med gave ED. It was horrible and I was ready to set her free. It didn't come to that, an RX did the trick for me.




What’s RX?


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## Rejectedliver

Rejectedliver said:


> I am happy to listen to any advice -i think ir right something is very off in this marriage I really dont want to never have sex again -





inmyprime said:


> Is it reasonable to dissolve a marriage over a floppy penis? It’s not a trick question, I’m genuinely curious. And a bit scared (off to do some penis exercises...)
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Its dammm sad


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## Ursula

inmyprime said:


> What’s RX?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Rx is just shorthand for Prescription.


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## MattMatt

inmyprime said:


> What’s RX?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


It's an American term for prescription.


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## Rejectedliver

inmyprime said:


> Yeah that’s why people go to McD: fresh fruits and salads
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Lol he doesnt eat right and he knows he shouldnt eat thst crap -


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## StillSearching

Rejectedliver said:


> Lol he doesnt eat right and he knows he shouldnt eat thst crap -


What about oral sex? You do that?
Does he do that?


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## Rejectedliver

inmyprime said:


> Isn’t there a difference between involuntary no sex and voluntary no sex? It’s not like the husband can and doesn’t.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I only know that the situation is very sad for both of us . Calling him an arse and being angry with him is easier than facing the reality of never having sex again


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## Rejectedliver

MattMatt said:


> A man with diabetes wants sex, probably very _very_ badly indeed.
> 
> But if he can't get a good erection, or comes too early, as a result of his floppy penis, he will feel too ashamed to even attempt sex. Especially if his wife might have made a remark like: "Don't start what you can't finish" or "Why are you such an arse?" (for example.)
> 
> And a visit to McDonald's isn't too bad. They have salads and fresh fruit... and all the normal foods that stop you feeling like a such a ****ing sickly freak.
> 
> Phew! Sorry! that all just sort of bubbled out.


I have never ever said anything like that i have tried hard to back off and not pressure as u can appreciate i hope it is a difficult and very sad situation for us both and he really isnt an arse


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## MattMatt

Rejectedliver said:


> I have never ever said anything like that i have tried hard to back off and not pressure as u can appreciate i hope it is a difficult and very sad situation for us both and he really isnt an arse


You haven't called him an arse to his face, or at a time when he might have overheard you, speaking to a friend? Well, that's good.

Because once heard something cannot be unheard.


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## 269370

Ursula said:


> Rx is just shorthand for Prescription.




What??? How would one know this? None of the letters are even present in the word ‘prescription’? What does it stand for?


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## Rejectedliver

StillSearching said:


> What about oral sex? You do that?
> Does he do that?


Nope he doesnt like giving oral never has We have discussed this previously and he never has enjoyed giving oral with previous partners He of course loves to recieve it but even that is difficult then he feels he needs to perform even though i have lied and said its ok


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## Rejectedliver

inmyprime said:


> What??? How would one know this? None of the letters are even present in the word ‘prescription’? What does it stand for?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Its latin :nerd:


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

inmyprime said:


> What??? How would one know this? None of the letters are even present in the word ‘prescription’? What does it stand for?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I thought everyone knew this. Haven't you ever seen an old pharmacy with the letters RX in the sign? 

https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS818US818&biw=1000&bih=570&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=4jVCXMGEA6fajwTRx7CwBw&q=rx+pharmacy+sign&oq=rx+pharmacy+sign&gs_l=img.3..0.23682.25898..26160...0.0..0.149.1956.0j14......0....1..gws-wiz-img.......0i67j0i30j0i24.AX8B7hj__Yw

As for the origin, I never had any idea where it came from. Here's the scoop:
https://www.history.com/news/where-did-the-rx-symbol-come-from


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Rejectedliver said:


> Nope he doesnt like giving oral never has We have discussed this previously and he never has enjoyed giving oral with previous partners He of course loves to recieve it but even that is difficult then he feels he needs to perform even though i have lied and said its ok


Interesting. 

I gotta think that if I was unable to perform vigorous, extended intercourse, I'd be pretty serious about brushing up on my oral skills! But maybe that's because I like giving oral in the first place. Still, I gotta think I'd adapt even if if i didn't dig it to begin with. My first pleasure comes in pleasing my wife in whatever way works.

I'll never understand men who want to receive oral but have no inclination to perform it. I honestly can't wrap my head around that concept. If I dig getting it so much, why on earth would I not be at least equally motivated to do the same for my partner?

Trust me, I'm thrilled you don't honestly think your husband is an arse, but this does sound like cause for concern here, and your unfortunate situation has really brought it to light in a way you may have been able to avoid in the past.


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## Rejectedliver

MattMatt said:


> You haven't called him an arse to his face, or at a time when he might have overheard you, speaking to a friend? Well, that's good.
> 
> Because once heard something cannot be unheard.


R u being sarcastic ? He is a good man really its the need for me to completley turn off all my desires and needs so he doesnt feel pressured or inadequate . That makes me wanna scream at him YOUR AN ARSE but i dont i just pretend everything is fine and lovely even suggesting i move out of the bedroom basically so i wont be tempted to hVe carnal plays in my sleep


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## Rejectedliver

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Interesting.
> 
> I gotta think that if I was unable to perform vigorous, extended intercourse, I'd be pretty serious about brushing up on my oral skills! But maybe that's because I like giving oral in the first place. Still, I gotta think I'd adapt even if if i didn't dig it to begin with. My first pleasure comes in pleasing my wife in whatever way works.
> 
> I'll never understand men who want to receive oral but have no inclination to perform it. I honestly can't wrap my head around that concept. If I dig getting it so much, why on earth would I not be at least equally motivated to do the same for my partner?
> 
> Trust me, I'm thrilled you don't honestly think your husband is an arse, but this does sound like cause for concern here, and your unfortunate situation has really brought it to light in a way you may have been able to avoid in the past.


I could scrub myself with steel wool , i have tried chocolate syrup i have tried in the shower ,shaving etc etc everything i can think of i the start he just isnt into it -He has never had to work too hard at pleasing me cause i love it probs why i am finding it so difficult now He has never needed to perform vigorous extended intercourse


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## StillSearching

Rejectedliver said:


> Nope he doesnt like giving oral never has We have discussed this previously and he never has enjoyed giving oral with previous partners He of course loves to recieve it but even that is difficult then he feels he needs to perform even though i have lied and said its ok


For the life of me, I never understand why anyone would marry someone that would not give then oral sex??
It's like them saying "I Don't Love you enough, but love me more".


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## Mr. Nail

You know as you get old and things don't always work the way they used to, there comes a time when you have to branch out to meet each others needs. The most important thing you need to use is your imagination. You have to be open to new ideas. The sex my partner and I share is not much like the sex we had in our 20's. But we both still get our cookies.


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## personofinterest

Mr. Nail said:


> You know as you get old and things don't always work the way they used to, there comes a time when you have to branch out to meet each others needs. The most important thing you need to use is your imagination. You have to be open to new ideas. The sex my partner and I share is not much like the sex we had in our 20's. But we both still get our cookies.


It sounds like she is open, but he is not.

"This is uncomfortable for me so you just need to suck it up and do without." It's possible i am projecting because that was EXACTLY the message I got in my own previous marriage.


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## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I thought everyone knew this. Haven't you ever seen an old pharmacy with the letters RX in the sign?
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1....gws-wiz-img.......0i67j0i30j0i24.AX8B7hj__Yw
> 
> 
> 
> As for the origin, I never had any idea where it came from. Here's the scoop:
> 
> https://www.history.com/news/where-did-the-rx-symbol-come-from




Dude, what Rx would one need to stop repeating oneself? (Did I use it correctly?) 

Thanks for the ED (education). I don’t think we use it in UK.

Oops. I think you edited your post so the joke doesn’t work anymore...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370

StillSearching said:


> For the life of me, I never understand why anyone would marry someone that would not give then oral sex??
> It's like them saying "I Don't Love you enough, but love me more".



People seem to marry for all sorts of reasons that I don’t understand, it seems...

I remember when in school and I started hitting puberty, thinking about the intensity of how much I wanted to end up with my face buried between a girl’s legs was a pretty reliable indicator of how sexually attracted I was to her. 

When I met my wife, I once came from just the thought of it....Very embarrassing. But in that instant I knew that that’s the person I needed to marry...And said ‘I do’ soon after. With my tongue.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## personofinterest

On calling husband an arse....

I get it. When you are sexually starved and starved of affection, especially when that is something that is very important to you, it can color all aspects of the relationship. That party is so lonely and miserable that what might be just minor annoyances otherwise become magnified, just another item on the stack of unhappiness.

And when it's sex....and when you're a woman....and when your hubby has a "condition," then it becomes all about how we should be understanding and in sickness and in health and how mean we are for wanting sex from the poor man. So add guilt and shame to the loneliness and unhappiness.

It's oh so fun.

You have my complete empathy, OP. I've been there.


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## Mr. Nail

personofinterest said:


> It sounds like she is open, but he is not.
> 
> "This is uncomfortable for me so you just need to suck it up and do without." It's possible i am projecting because that was EXACTLY the message I got in my own previous marriage.


I felt a lot of that as well. it feels a lot like they are saying there is only one way to have sex and that isn't working. . . . . oh it's pointless guessing.
@Rejectedliver 

Has your husband talked to a Doctor about his ED?
Has he tried any of the medications for that?
Has he used any mechanical method to get an erection?
Has he considered an implant?

Is he willing to talk to anyone about any of this? Even you?

My wife is lower drive and for several years she didn't want to talk about any way to improve our sexual frequency, because she was happy and I shouldn't be pushing her to change. But miraculously she changed and like many women here she was happier. I'm not saying the trouble is over, because I let it go on for so many years, she got into the habit of not listening to me. And he habits of avoidance have continued to deny sex to us as a couple. I understand not wanting to push, but it didn't help me. If nothing else get him to a doctor.


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## MattMatt

Rejectedliver said:


> R u being sarcastic ? He is a good man really its the need for me to completley turn off all my desires and needs so he doesnt feel pressured or inadequate . That makes me wanna scream at him YOUR AN ARSE but i dont i just pretend everything is fine and lovely even suggesting i move out of the bedroom basically so i wont be tempted to hVe carnal plays in my sleep


Why on earth would you think I am being sarcastic? :scratchhead:

I wasn't. 

I think he needs specialist treatment for his ED and diabetes. Is he already getting that?


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## Ursula

inmyprime said:


> What??? How would one know this? None of the letters are even present in the word ‘prescription’? What does it stand for?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Good point! I Googled and found this:

Rx: A medical prescription. The symbol "Rx" is usually said to stand for the Latin word "recipe" meaning "to take." It is customarily part of the superscription (heading) of a prescription.


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## Rejectedliver

MattMatt said:


> Why on earth would you think I am being sarcastic? :scratchhead:
> 
> I wasn't.
> 
> I think he needs specialist treatment for his ED and diabetes. Is he already getting that?


No hes given up on the ED He is sorta getting treatment for the diabetics trying to get it under control and not having too much luck next step insulin injections hes a little bit overweight probs 10 kg ty for being so nice and asking


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## MattMatt

Rejectedliver said:


> No hes given up on the ED He is sorta getting treatment for the diabetics trying to get it under control and not having too much luck next step insulin injections hes a little bit overweight probs 10 kg ty for being so nice and asking


I was 21 stone in weight. With my wife's help (a lot of walking) I dropped to 13.5 stone.

Wait (or should that we weight? ha!) I'll convert that into KGs 133.3KG and then down to 85.7KG.

One thing that did help me with my blood sugar control was an injectible drug called Victoza. Worked like a dream!

It's different to insulin.

By the way, new evidence indicates that being fat might not cause diabetes. It is diabetes that makes you fat, as your body is trying to cope with the poor insulin use by needing large amounts of food.


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## Mr. Nail

Only 10 kg over weight and not taking insulin yet! There's life in them there hills. Get that man a better doctor. Turn around the hormone problem and you can save him from going where I am. And start walking with him right away. His moping around feeling sorry for himself is what's killing him.


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## EleGirl

inmyprime said:


> Isn’t there a difference between involuntary no sex and voluntary no sex? It’s not like the husband can and doesn’t.


Sure there is a difference.

When a person has medical and/or mental health issues that leads to them not wanting to have sex there are things that they can do. If they refuse to seek out the medical help that could reduce or fix the problem, then they are voluntarily deciding to be sexless.

We see men here on TAM telling women that all the time that even if they have a medical issue that gets in the way of them wanting to have sex, they should still have sex because their husband needs it. So why is it any different for men?

A man who has ED can still do oral on his wife. He can still use a sex toy to. He can still do all sorts of foreplay. And she can do similar things for him. I can think of all kinds of fun, enjoyable things that a couple can of even if the guy has ED. 

And if he were to get the medical help he needed, the ED might be greatly decreased.

The OP's husband does not care enough about his wife to explore medical treatments for his ED and/or to find other ways that they can still be sexual for each other.

From the sounds of it, he even cares so little for himself that he's not doing what he needs to do for his own health.


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## EleGirl

Rejectedliver said:


> No hes given up on the ED He is sorta getting treatment for the diabetics trying to get it under control and not having too much luck next step insulin injections hes a little bit overweight probs 10 kg ty for being so nice and asking


Your husband sounds depressed. People who are diabetics have a higher risk for depression. Has he sought any help for depression?

My take on this is that he needs to wake up and start taking care of himself and you. So that means help for depression if he has it, meds for his diabetes, medical help for his ED. And then he also needs to find way to be sexual again for you, for his marriage, for himself.

If does not, then you need to decide whether or not you are willing to live in a sexless marriage with a guy who does not take care of himself.


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## Mr.Married

Do you think he active avoidance is purely from the shame of not getting a hard on ?

Think he would be up for a penis pump?

You would have to figure out a way to present it as non-threatening.

Just a thought......


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## Rejectedliver

Mr.Married said:


> Do you think he active avoidance is purely from the shame of not getting a hard on ?
> 
> Think he would be up for a penis pump?
> 
> You would have to figure out a way to present it as non-threatening.
> 
> 
> Just a thought......


Idk he wont take viagra he wont inject himself and he definetly wont have any sort of operation to help - if i approach him he gets twisted and feels under pressure BUT he wants me to initiate so then i get rejected i cant win it is ridiculous


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## Rejectedliver

EleGirl said:


> Your husband sounds depressed. People who are diabetics have a higher risk for depression. Has he sought any help for depression?
> 
> My take on this is that he needs to wake up and start taking care of himself and you. So that means help for depression if he has it, meds for his diabetes, medical help for his ED. And then he also needs to find way to be sexual again for you, for his marriage, for himself.
> 
> If does not, then you need to decide whether or not you are willing to live in a sexless marriage with a guy who does not take care of himself.


He has meds for his diabetes but eats a **** diet -he has sought help but found it doesn't work so he has given up and refuses to try anything else . Your 100% right is a limp **** no sex or intimacy and 27 years a reason to head for divorce ??idk


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## Rejectedliver

inmyprime said:


> People seem to marry for all sorts of reasons that I don’t understand, it seems...
> 
> I remember when in school and I started hitting puberty, thinking about the intensity of how much I wanted to end up with my face buried between a girl’s legs was a pretty reliable indicator of how sexually attracted I was to her.
> 
> When I met my wife, I once came from just the thought of it....Very embarrassing. But in that instant I knew that that’s the person I needed to marry...And said ‘I do’ soon after. With my tongue.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Me too i have no idea either there are a lot of weird things that i think wat was i thinking


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## Rejectedliver

Mr. Nail said:


> I finally found @Rejectedliver 's story. It's good to get to know where she is coming from. I'm also a type 2 diabetic. And have degrading ED. Men at this age are prone to a nasty combination of medical conditions. Diabetes, Overweight, Low testosterone, and High blood pressure. Each one contributes to the others. Low Testosterone makes men grouchy and irritable, or as you say an Arse.
> 
> My doctor is an endocrinologist and treats the conditions simultaneously. I think it would be very helpful for your husband.
> 
> Also quite frankly, a person with low sex drive is not going to be interested in talking to his doctor about ED. You can't threaten a low Drive person with moving out of the room, it's a relief to them. Or at least that's what my wife says.
> 
> Also I recommend some shopping at Tantusinc.com You will be able to think more clearly after a bit of relief.


Sleeping in the same bed is like having a fridge full of food and not being allowed to touch it smell it let alone eat it - its like torture for me


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## Mr.Married

Rejectedliver said:


> no sex or intimacy and 27 years a reason to head for divorce ??idk


Holy Smokes !!!!! That's dreadful !!!!!

27 years of limp ...... NO

limp or hard doesn't exclude the possibility of being intimate. They are many ways around that. 

If you have TRULY given your best effort to communicate to him that you need intimacy and connection (oral sex wouldn't hurt for sure) and he makes no efforts
at all to provide that to you as his wife then he isn't a great partner. 

Simple human touch can go a long ways. Has he tried other forms of intimacy ..... massage, foot rubs, take a bath/shower together, body contact, foreplay, etc etc ?

A limpy doesn't end sexuality .....

Providing basic human need is what partners do for one another.......security, understanding, listening, trust, sex....and all the other stuff.

I think if I were you I would try my best to come to have him understand just how important this is for you. Don't do this just when your feeling like you need it. Do it
outside the bedroom in a nonthreatening manner. A conversation not based on his timely and present performance, but of what your basic requirements for happiness
are in a relationship. 

There are a lot of good books out there. While they are no sure bet, they can at least help you understand your situation.


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## Mr.Married

one more thing..... you might want to visit lovehoney(dot)com.

It's no replacement but maybe you can blow off some steam ...


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## Rejectedliver

Mr.Married said:


> Holy Smokes !!!!! That's dreadful !!!!!
> 
> 27 years of limp ...... NO
> 
> limp or hard doesn't exclude the possibility of being intimate. They are many ways around that.
> 
> If you have TRULY given your best effort to communicate to him that you need intimacy and connection (oral sex wouldn't hurt for sure) and he makes no efforts
> at all to provide that to you as his wife then he isn't a great partner.
> 
> Simple human touch can go a long ways. Has he tried other forms of intimacy ..... massage, foot rubs, take a bath/shower together, body contact, foreplay, etc etc ?
> 
> A limpy doesn't end sexuality .....
> 
> Providing basic human need is what partners do for one another.......security, understanding, listening, trust, sex....and all the other stuff.
> 
> I think if I were you I would try my best to come to have him understand just how important this is for you. Don't do this just when your feeling like you need it. Do it
> outside the bedroom in a nonthreatening manner. A conversation not based on his timely and present performance, but of what your basic requirements for happiness
> are in a relationship.
> 
> There are a lot of good books out there. While they are no sure bet, they can at least help you understand your situation.


Ty holy smokes its not 27 years without sex 27 years of marriage the last 2 years basically nil sex - He hates oral sex unless hes on the receiving end - ok so if i bj (he uses a range of avoidance techniques ) him then he does not reciprocate in any way .even then that's about once in the last 6 months I have explained this is slightly unfair - I have talked to him we have discussed it I really have tried very hard to be patient to be kind to be loving to be understanding to not be demanding to do everything that is against the essence of my self i have denied my true sexuality and i am not being true to myself -


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## Rejectedliver

Mr.Married said:


> one more thing..... you might want to visit lovehoney(dot)com.
> 
> It's no replacement but maybe you can blow off some steam ...


Lovehoney ? Sounds messy its not steam i wanna let off i am like a fire cracker with mo fuse ty i will have a look

Ok so its a sex stuff shop


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## Mr. Nail

Yes, a sex stuff shop. Because you need to get inventive. let your fingers do the talking etc etc


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## EleGirl

Rejectedliver said:


> He has meds for his diabetes but eats a **** diet -he has sought help but found it doesn't work so he has given up and refuses to try anything else . Your 100% right is a limp **** no sex or intimacy and 27 years a reason to head for divorce ??idk


Absolutely, 27 years of a husband refusing to have sex with his wife is more than enough reason to divorce. IMHO, a year or two of it is enough to justify divorce.


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## EleGirl

Rejectedliver said:


> Ty holy smokes its not 27 years without sex 27 years of marriage the last 2 years basically nil sex - He hates oral sex unless hes on the receiving end - ok so if i bj (he uses a range of avoidance techniques ) him then he does not reciprocate in any way .even then that's about once in the last 6 months I have explained this is slightly unfair - I have talked to him we have discussed it I really have tried very hard to be patient to be kind to be loving to be understanding to not be demanding to do everything that is against the essence of my self i have denied my true sexuality and i am not being true to myself -


IMHO, if he will not do oral on you, he should get no oral. What a crock.


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## EleGirl

Rejectedliver said:


> Lovehoney ? Sounds messy its not steam i wanna let off i am like a fire cracker with mo fuse ty i will have a look
> 
> Ok so its a sex stuff shop


Wow, so now instead of giving you real solutions, you are being told to buy toys and masturbate.

It's not just about having an orgasm, it's about being loved and the intimacy that sex provides.

I think divorce if a much better solution. At least then you could find a man who actually wants to have sex.


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## AVR1962

Why are you staying in the marriage?


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## Blondilocks

It sounds like you don't want a divorce. Why don't you give serious thought to a vibrator and talk to you husband about you mutually using it so that you can feel the closeness of him. He may be intimidated or feel embarrassed or ashamed that you have to resort to that; but, many couples routinely include this in their lovemaking. 

Otherwise, he's just a roommate - a grouchy one at that.


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## Mr.Married

EleGirl said:


> Wow, so now instead of giving you real solutions, you are being told to buy toys and masturbate.
> 
> It's not just about having an orgasm, it's about being loved and the intimacy that sex provides.
> 
> I think divorce if a much better solution. At least then you could find a man who actually wants to have sex.


Hence the part where I said it is NOT a replacement .... but can at least help blow off a little steam.

I agree it is about being loved. There is no comparison.


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## Rejectedliver

Mr.Married said:


> Hence the part where I said it is NOT a replacement .... but can at least help blow off a little steam.
> 
> I agree it is about being loved. There is no comparison.


Its not steam i wanna blow off lol lol
He is not interested in playing with a dildo to gelp me he is very selfish with sex .He never has had to try to hard even when i pretended played i didnt want it he just gave up -


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## Rejectedliver

Blondilocks said:


> It sounds like you don't want a divorce. Why don't you give serious thoyught to a vibrator and talk to you husband about you mutually using it so that you can feel the closeness of him. He may be intimidated or feel embarrassed or ashamed that you have to resort to that; but, many couples routinely include this in their lovemaking.
> 
> Otherwise, he's just a roommate - a grouchy one at that.


Ok we have one we used to use it when we were having sex now we arent having sex he isnt interested in using it. He isnt interested in pleasing me we have had all these discussion -he cant get it up so he is not going to do it and certainly not for me its so sad


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