# I don't want to



## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

I can't hold it anymore, I have to vent or I'm going to do some thing dumb

The arguing has become a constant, I can't remember the last time we went the whole day with out arguing. I am so frustrated with being angry all time. I love her when we're apart  every time I hear a sweet song I think of her. We talk ok over the phone and txting but as soon as we are in the same place at the same time , , , not 5 minutes and it's on ! ! ! 
We are in our mid 40's kids most all grown, last is in HS. Got 2 grand-kids to spoil. Making over 130k a year that helps us get thru the arguments and the kids seem to get the rest :scratchhead: We been thru a lot and it just would be a shame it loss it just when we're about done doing the work.
So I need to vent some and if anyone listening to me notices what I'm not seeing please through me a rope. . . 

Sorry for my bad grammar and cussing in advance


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

A little about our personalities, I'm easy going, like to laugh and make others laugh. I like to mingle and often volunteer to organize the party. I'm not the smartest but have real good commonsense. With my age I've slowed down on weekend projects and I think that's what my girl like about me 
Her , , , well she's perfect :smthumbup: So she is Hot blooded, quick to say what she thinks before thinking about it and will never admit that she's done wrong. I guess she's a bit of a loner, She doesn't care if some one likes her or not. Once she finds a friend she is all laffs and good time. She has endless energy and a clean freak. She won't admit that she is jealous but she is and requires a lot of attention but i'm thinking most women are and most men aren't.


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

We are total opposite's, , , from personalities to appearancs :awink::crazy: but fell in love and been able to make it this far. Since I can't say 100% what she's think I'll give my thought's and ass-u-me what she is thinking. I'll assume she is not at fault and that it's all me (a least that's what I feel she is thinking) 

She gets mad at me: 
1. For not helping out with cleaning the house
2. Not cooking or cooking and not cleaning my mess
3. For not making the bed or doing laundry
4. Not doing enough yard work or cleaning the garage
5. Not paying attention to her or helping her with her issues
6. Not listening to the kids or helping them with their issues
7. GIVING OTHERS MORE ATTENTION THAN TO MY FAMILY


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

We've both said to each other that we would not give up on each other and would see this marriage through. We separated 20 yrs ago for 5 yrs and feel it's better to be with the parent of our children vs being with some one that's not connected to our kids


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

lost soul said:


> We are total opposite's, , , from personalities to appearancs :awink::crazy: but fell in love and been able to make it this far. Since I can't say 100% what she's think I'll give my thought's and ass-u-me what she is thinking. I'll assume she is not at fault and that it's all me (a least that's what I feel she is thinking)
> 
> She gets mad at me:
> 1. For not helping out with cleaning the house
> ...


Euh... all of the above could be valid issues. Are they?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

lost soul said:


> We are total opposite's, , , from personalities to appearancs :awink::crazy: but fell in love and been able to make it this far. Since I can't say 100% what she's think I'll give my thought's and ass-u-me what she is thinking. I'll assume she is not at fault and that it's all me (a least that's what I feel she is thinking)
> 
> She gets mad at me:
> 1. For not helping out with cleaning the house
> ...


Do you not help out with these things? Does she have good reason to believe these things?


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

Those are things I feel she would say is my problem. I love her and wouldn't want to come off as bashing on her and have it look she is an awful person.
I do all those things, some really good others not to well. She has crazy energy ! I don't understand how she does it. She goes to work comes home (screams LOL) cleans the house makes dinner, cleans that up then goes and does laundry :scratchhead: R E A L L Y who does that !!!! she's amazing, I wish she could laugh more. Anyways I don't do things to her standards. And after so many years (sorry guys) I learned I'm gonna get yelled at anyways so why do it and get yelled at , , , just take the ass wooping :whip: 

As for the big one. . . Paying more attention to others. I'm guilty :slap: but c'mon would you wanna sit next to a sour puss or go chill with the guy's


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Can you hire a house keeper?


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

Thank you to those who took interest in my drama, I think either (male or female) we just want to be heard. Being able to vent this out Really Really Really helps me get through this. Will she ever change probably not. Will I , , , I don't know but I recognize I have faults and feel that's big. I wish she could recognize she has faults but she feels she does no wrong :smthumbup:


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

Trickster said:


> Can you hire a house keeper?


we talked about that :smthumbup: but our older kids still live with us (a different topic lol) and they leave a trail where ever they go. Thats kind of another thing. My wife comes home and see's a mess but instead of yelling at the kids , , , , yup ! ! ! She diggs into me.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

My wife was a SAHM for the longest time. I would get home and the work that I expected my wife to do wasn't done in the way that I wanted...I never helped for me to get mad about it.. That was my problem...

Now my wife works and I.. The husband does 95% of the house work...Now, I want to bring the housekeeper back... Cleaning the toilet really sucks. No wonder why my wife didn't want to do it...


Help your wife clean or hire somebody to help...


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

We are so close to the beginning of the Golden years, when the kids are all moved out. If day ever gets here I think things would be so much smoother. I love having the kids around but . . . some might know what I'm feeling


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Somebody will still have to clean the toilets and scrub the tubs!


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Why aren't the kids doing their share? Especially the older kids? Are the grandkids living with you too and their significant others? Are they living in your home for free?

If they are, you and your wife should be coming home to a clean house and dinner on the table. Even my 18 year old daughter makes dinner once a week and she's in college and working.


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

_Posted via Mobile Device_

Yea the pay and help but its like a one step forward two steps back kinda deal. I feel everyone that's shaking there heads but trust me having our grand kids with us is awesome ! To be able to get a hug before bed , , , priceless and to know that they will have memories of us for the rest of there life. . . They are gonna love us with all there heart and as much as we spoil them. We are defiantly gonna be there favorite nana and papa !!!


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

so back to the divorce

I'm just tired of arguing, and I have thought about that also. If I wasn't tired and still had some fight in me would I be complaining. Maybe she's not tired of fighting yet and can still go a few more rounds. Is it fair for me to cry uncle when she still wants to spar ?

Women are to complicated ! ! !


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

Hey Trickster: thanks for the motivation , , , I did 2 loads of colored clothes. She don't let me touch the whites


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

lost soul said:


> Those are things I feel she would say is my problem. I love her and wouldn't want to come off as bashing on her and have it look she is an awful person.
> I do all those things, some really good others not to well. She has crazy energy ! I don't understand how she does it. She goes to work comes home (screams LOL) cleans the house makes dinner, cleans that up then goes and does laundry :scratchhead: R E A L L Y who does that !!!! she's amazing, I wish she could laugh more. Anyways I don't do things to her standards. And after so many years (sorry guys) I learned I'm gonna get yelled at anyways so why do it and get yelled at , , , just take the ass wooping :whip:
> 
> As for the big one. . . Paying more attention to others. I'm guilty :slap: but c'mon would you wanna sit next to a sour puss or go chill with the guy's


Surely, you have the chance to clean the house while she makes dinner?


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

lost soul said:


> Hey Trickster: thanks for the motivation , , , I did 2 loads of colored clothes. She don't let me touch the whites


That's funny... I don't like the way
my wife does the laundry... She mixes everything. Towels, T-shirts, whitee, darks, jeans... Then leaves them in the dryer until all my shirts are wrinkled...

I do most of the laundry now.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

lost soul said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> Yea the pay and help but its like a one step forward two steps back kinda deal. I feel everyone that's shaking there heads but trust me having our grand kids with us is awesome ! To be able to get a hug before bed , , , priceless and to know that they will have memories of us for the rest of there life. . . They are gonna love us with all there heart and as much as we spoil them. We are defiantly gonna be there favorite nana and papa !!!


You gotta stay married to spoil the grandkids. It would be easier that way...to me, I would rather pay somebody to clean so I could spend quality time with the kids and grandkids. If cleaning is the stressed, that is an easy fix, especially if you can afford to do that...I know I am much happier after the housekeeper comes once a month. I would like her more often. Its just not in the budget.


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

so those are issue's I believe she may have with me. 

Issue I have with her:
1. Jealousy and Insecurity
2. She's not very Social
3. Only see's one side of a story
4. Not willing to reflect on herself or her issue's
5. She's smart but has little common sense
6. She's Mean and doesn't care if people don't like her 
7. Not easy for me to converse with her


So a lot of times she get's things wrong , , , and when I correct her she say's I am putting her down. I tell her I'm not putting her down just saying whats correct and that it's not my fault she is wrong. It frustrates my that she accuses me of putting her down. I don't like to correct her but when she's talking to some one say crazy stuff and I gotta tap her foot to stop. My wife is beautiful, has a high paying job, full of energy ! I want nothing but the best for her but she feels like I belittle her. It's not me saying the wrong things so I don't understand how I get blamed for correcting her.

Well we can start with that and see what else pops up


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Give us some examples of the things she says that you feel you need to correct.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How much time a week do you spend with your wife doing date-like things, just the two of you?


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

EleGirl said:


> Give us some examples of the things she says that you feel you need to correct.


nothing real big just little things for a lil bit it was kinda cute even the kids would laff saying Mom your so crazy. But then it would become more frequent and of coarse she thought I was picking on her. 



EleGirl said:


> How much time a week do you spend with your wife doing date-like things, just the two of you?


we argue so quickly that its been awhile since we've spent the weekend alone.


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