# Protect VS Survive?!



## TMCK (Jul 15, 2012)

I'm not a parent. Reading many things in the media and listening to various family members, it appears that the focus has changed from teaching children to protecting them to a fault. What I mean by that is this, many children now wouldn't have the first idea of what to do to ensure they survive because it was never taught. 

Thoughts?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

As a teacher and a mother, I would agree.

Many children have NO common sense these days because they are never given choices, they are never allowed to fail and learn, they are never told, "Figure it out."

My kids (in class and at home), learn to fail and thrive, they learn to figure things out (even if it takes FOREVER) and they learn their limits because I don't hover. I guide.

Just a couple weeks ago, my almost 13 year old daughter was invited to a sleep over at a friend's house. It fell on our "family night". We only do family nights on Fridays...movie, popcorn, games, etc, because that was our deal (we had a family meeting). She told me she was invited and I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to go to the sleep over. Cool. I didn't say anything else. We had family night with our younger daughter and it was fun.

A couple days later, while talking about the fun at the party, she told me she wished she would have stayed home with the family because she missed out and now has to wait til the next Friday...I told her that we missed her on Friday, but she made a choice. I told her not to feel bad, we'd have another Family Night, but she realized how much she loves Family Nights. MY mother would have never given me the choice. She would have told me NO to the sleep over and I would have resented her throughout Family Night...which would have, and did, drive me away.

At the park, SO MANY PARENTS of children over the age of 3, hover over their children, never more than 5 feet away. "be careful" "not too high" "don't go so fast!" "don't eat that!" "watch out!"....Yea. no. My daughter is 3.5 and I sit on a bench and let her play. Sometimes she falls and I comfort her and ask if it was a good idea to go so high...nope. Once she ate a bug--- it was nasty. I didn't stop her from eating the bug. It's a bug. She now tells me we DO NOT EAT BUGS. lol :rofl: She is learning her limits and she is learning to make choices.

My older daughter had 50 dollars from Christmas. She bought a bunch of crap that she didn't need. Whatever, it's her money. Then she REALLY wanted this backpack. It was 40 bucks. She begged me for the money...I replied that the backpack was not a need, because she had a nice backpack that we bought her in September. She asked for a loan, I said no--- I didn't feel comfortable loaning money to someone who had no money. All that crap didn't look so good to her then. She has since learned to save money.

I don't make my kids feel bad about their choices, but i do want them to think about the choices they make. The only way they can do that completely is to make bad choices once in a while.



Now, if you put my children in the forest and ask them to survive....i don't know about that :lol: Maybe we need a "Survival Family Night." :rofl:

My students are so used to people GIVING them the answers and not making them think. They MUST think in my classroom. Even if their response is WRONG, that's ok! Tell me why you think that and we'll go from there. It's tough for them in the beginning of the year. They wait for me to give an answer. I'll sit down and wait for them to come up with something. I've sat for 10 minutes in silence waiting for ANY answer to build on.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Time is a big thing I try to teach my children.

Just today, my older daughter had chores to do. She told me she'd do them later. I advised her to get them out of the way, because then they'd be done and she could go about her day. She said she would do them "soon". I said, fine...just have them done by 3pm. At noon, a friend called her to ask her to hang out and stay the night in the friend's new house. She was SO EXCITED! She asked me and I asked if her chores were done. They weren't.

Guess who had to do her chores before going to her friend's house and missing out on going to lunch with her friend? Yep. lol. It's all about choices. Make a choice and if it is a wrong choice, ask yourself, was it worth it? My stepdad ALWAYS asked me that when I'd eff up. Was it worth it? And ya know what? Sometimes it WAS worth it--- like the time I snuck out to meet this guy (I was 16 and grounded) and he and I met on "the hill" for a couple hours to talk and kiss. I got caught, but, TOTALLY WORTH IT...even though my parents added another week to my grounding. Psh. Totally worth it.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Yes, I agree.... And I am paying the consequences now for trying to shield my child too much.

Unfortunetly, with his health. So in essence he is paying the consequences too. For my poor parenting.


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