# Would you leave your husband if he committed a crime?



## arod3410 (Feb 13, 2011)

My husband committed a crime and it seems to have caught up with him. When the crime occurred, I was unaware. But I noticed suspicious behavior and I questioned him. At that point I was hysterical, I cried and begged and pleaded for him to stop what he was doing. 

I couldn't believe I was married to a criminal and I couldn't believe he would risk losing his family (we have a son who was a newborn then). He told me he would stop, but he didn't. He continued committing this crime for a few months until he felt it was likely he would get caught and he stopped.

If we did not have a son I would have left him. The crime did not harm anyone else and it did not involve drugs. He is otherwise a good husband and father. The only other problem I've had with him is him sexting other women.

Since then, he has enlisted in the US military. Now that he is facing charges from the crime he committed prior to enlisting,he is risking being discharged from the military if found guilty. That will mean he will have ruined his career and ability to support us as a family. In the event that this happens, I am considering divorce (even f he only gets probation). 

I feel bad because I do love him, but he went against my wishes and committed a crime, didnt consider how his actions would affect me and his son.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It sounds as though he wasn't even thinking about you and your son when he committed the crime. And the fact he is "sexting" other women. He doesn't exactly sound like a person of high moral character and integrity . Even if he does "beat the rap", is this the type of influence you want your son to be around on a daily basis? Life is hard enough without this unnecessary influence. I guess the seriousness of his crime should also be considered.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

It would absolutely depend on what the crime was. Anything sexual in nature (such as rape or molestation) would cause me to head to the first lawyer's office I could find. 

He has not totally lost his ability to provide for his family. He can see first hand what his actions have cost him (most likely his military career), but there are other jobs to be had. Unless he's looking at a felony conviction, then he can kiss most jobs goodbye. Even Lowe's does background checks. 

Sounds like he's got little impulse control. He's going to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it, regardless. Not exactly someone who's going to be a good life partner. I'd seriously re-evaluate staying in the marriage.


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## arod3410 (Feb 13, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arod3410 (Feb 13, 2011)

The nature of the crime was non-violent and non-sexual. However it is still a felony offense, so not only would he ruin his military career but also any other chance at getting a job. So the actual nature of the crime was not all that bad, but according to law its bad enough to be a felony offense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm assuming this is drug-related, since you say he didn't hurt anyone else (although even then, that's not true. Drug-trafficking hurts a lot of people and, as your case shows, his drug use hurt YOU and your son).

It is easy for anyone to sit back and say, of course I'd leave. We haven't been in your shoes, though. I found out once a guy I was dating had done something morally/ethically wrong, so I wouldn't see him anymore. No marriage or kids involved, so not exactly the same question.

Are you leaving him only if he is convicted? Why? If he cannot get a "good" job, does that mean he cannot get any job? It seems to me y ou are more worried about his earning power than what he did right or wrong, whether he listened to you or ignored you. That's your right, but be clear about what you are seeing as "the problem," or you will make similar mistakes. If you could live with and love him despite knowing he did the crime before, why does the conviction matter? Sounds like it matters mostly b/c he can't make the kind of financial contribution you want from him. Is that all? If you love him, would you be satisfied with a different financial contribution IF he stopped his impulsive (and, apparently, sometimes criminal) behaviors? 

The sexting would be a deal breaker for a lot of folks, but so far you've taken it. Again, I'm not judging, I'm asking you to consider what is the REAL issue and focus on that. Also, I'd suggest you get some counseling b/c if y ou have put up with crimes and sexting already, you may suffer from low self-esteem and be afraid of the financial and other responsibilities of being a single parent. If so, you will simply find another inappropriate partner. Counseling will help you develop better self-esteem and make better decisions. Good luck.


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## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

Man advise.....

Based on your screename, you already have your eyes on other men.

Seriously though, it depends on how you feel about him as a man otherwise.

Is he sorry about this?
Does he want to improve himself?
Has he addressed the thinking that led him to the criminal charge?
Has he committed to changing, and proven it?
Have you addressed the sexting woman situation?

Honestly, it does not look very good for a positive future together. However, people are capable of changing.
If convicted of a felony, it will make the job search more difficult.
There are several careers (tradesmen, owning a bus) that a felony charge would not interfere with.
What do you think?
What kind of guy do you think he is capable of becoming?


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## arod3410 (Feb 13, 2011)

The crime was not drug related either, but a significant amount of money was involved. The felony charges he's facing are actually too steep for the crime he actually committed, but the prosecutor has exaggerated and done everything he could to make the charges as severe as possible. All of that aside, if it were only me and him, I would have left him long before the crime ever occurred. The sexting issue was what I consider a deal breaker, but the thought of my son growing up without his father at home breaks my heart. That is the number one reason I am with him. So if his ability to provide a good life for his son is gone, I don't have any other reason to be with him. Although I do love him, I don't think love is enough to sustain a marriage. And yes, I do believe I have low self esteem and I am afraid of being a single parent. Its also very difficult to believe the person I fell in love with has become someone I don't know. For years he seemed to be a great guy, with morals and strong character. Everyone who knows him can't believe he would do the things he's done. I am confused and unsure if this is who he's been all along or if he simply has fallen off track and made mistakes. I am not sure if he regrets the crime he committed. I think he regrets getting caught. I am not even sure he's regretful of sexting other women either. He sure didn't seem remorseful until I caught him. But I am not inside his brain and I can't know what he feels or thinks.



To the person who said my screen name indicates I'm interested in other men. What about my screen name makes you think that? My name is just a combo of my initials/nickname and numbers that are significant to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arod3410 (Feb 13, 2011)

Something else keeping me from leaving him is I am afraid to hurt him. When I found out about the sexting, I told him I wanted a divorce and he cried like I've never seen a man cry before. Like painful sobbing curled up in the fetal position type of crying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Sounds like embezzelment or fraud. Possibly Katrina fraud. Would I leave depends on the crime. We can't give our honest opinions unless you name the crime.


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