# divorce and how I think I know it's right.



## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

I've been debating a lot about whether this is the right decision for me. Because my (soon to be) ex is not a bad guy... but I can't help but feel like he really doesn't love me at all, once all the pieces are put together. He SAYS he wants to fight for me now, but I think he just misses the comfort of NOT living with his parents to be honest (only married 2.5 years, no children). 

So how do I know?
1. He finally made a marriage counseling appointment (after a month of leaving... and wasn't exactly rushing to make the appointment)... and once he made the appointment, I realize how much I really dont' want to go, because I don't want to work on it anymore. 

2. If we were still just dating, he would be long gone because I would never put up with being treated like this. Does being married mean giving someone endless chances? I dont' think it should. 

3. In the beginning (things started going sour after we got engaged), I tried my butt off, every day, to do loving things for him to try to get him to connect with me, want me, etc. But he turned to another female friend from school to talk to late at night, porn, etc. (for example, he'd turn me down for sex at say 10pm, say he was too tired, then talk to her until 2am???). Then I backed off after about a full year or more of trying, wanting him to meet me half way.... it's never happened.... now he wants ME to meet him half way.... but I feel like he should go the full distance, like I did in the beginning. But I realize that won't happen, and he feels like I owe it to him to meet him half way now. 
....I think its just impossible to love someone that selfish.
"love is not selfish..." that was in our vows... I feel horrible, but my feelings are obvious. He'll never know how much I care about him, or still love him. But my love has changed, and I want good things for him, but I'm not willing to give up anything for him anymore. For that I am sorry. But what can I do?


----------



## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I am no expert by ANY means but it sounds like you want him to do certain things to "win" you back. 
I still wish my wife would give me another chance, she is totally gone, having sex with random guys and not taking good care of the kids etc. 
Anyway if there is still a small chance you want him to be the one tell him what you posted here and give him the ultimatum. Do these things or get out.
Take care,


----------

