# Undecided



## Spike9294

So im new here and erm feelin abit unsure how to start this off but i'll introduce myself as a hard working man with a wife and 2 kids the usual...I have been married for 10 years and dont get me wrong the marriage hasnt always been easy, we have had our ups and downs like any other couple..whether it was insecurities on both parts or financial difficulties but we got through them and stuck it out...my problem is my wife landed a job a year and a half ago and things really looked up as the extra income and benefits..ie colleague discounts and whatnot made things so much easier and even took the weight off me as before she was a stay at home mom which i never had a problem with but it did make our lives abit uncomfortable due to being skint 85-90% of the time after bills, rent and food went out which left us with basically nothing so more or less I was genuinely happy for her as its really helped her come out of her shell and gave her back some independence... She ended up making friends with her boss right from the get go who seemed really nice at first and then I met her so I ended up getting along with her myself, even established a friendship that I even hate to say ended up throughout sometime getting stronger than my wifes and her relationship..We would go to luncheons together(which my wife knew..I didnt keep it from her..she was completely fine with it) would go to pub meals...(we didnt do food dates all the time just like once every 2 weeks or so..wasnt a daily or even weekly basis) even arranged to go see a film together as we both love musicals which my wife aint really into but my wife was ok with it provided I make it up to her by watching the kids so she could have a girls night out or whatever..My problem is...only a few months ago I found myself thinking about my wifes boss more than I should have after i had a sex dream about her, it was unplanned and unprovoked in any way but I kind of developed feelings for her as at first it was just a crush but it turned into something a little more but i dont know what that is..i know what being inlove is as thats what i am with my wife but i dont know what to call this


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## Diana7

Lust, that's what it is. 

You made a terrible decision to 'date' this lady whether your wife was ok with it or not. BIG mistake. We all need good boundaries with how we behave the opposite sex, and you don't seem to have any. 

You need to cut off all contact and not see her again. Don't feed the fire and it will eventually go out, which includes not letting your mind dwell on her, and thinking of what you love about your wife. Get you mind and focus back on your wife and children, and the devastation that you will cause if you let this progress.


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## OnTheFly

100% No contact…..starting now. Ghost her. If your wife loses her job, deal with it.

Many bad decisions led to this point, but it doesn't have to be a catastrophic ending.

If you are committed to your wife, do some introspective soul searching to find out why this was able to happen, then plug those holes.


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## Marc878

Cut it off. Time and distance will do the rest.

You are actually dating another woman. This is how affairs start and you are way past the boundary you should have had.


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## GHaynes

I agree with everyone else. Stop it now before something starts. Whether or not your wife finds it acceptable, it's not. It's perfectly natural to be attracted to other people when you're married, but what you are describing is very dangerous. I'm sorry that you have to lose a good friend but you can't keep both and if you continue, you'll likely lose both. Find another friend to spend time with or a hobby so you have a legit reason to duck her. 

Furthermore, she sounds suspicious anyway. I can't imagine spending time with one of my friend's husbands solo, much less an employee's husband. I wouldn't trust her.


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## anchorwatch

Spike9294 said:


> ..i know what being inlove is as thats what i am with my wife but i dont know what to call this


I find it hard to believe you can be this naive. 

Where are your boundaries, man? 

You are sliding down a slippery slope. This is how marriages end, by giving away what belongs to your spouse. 

Chose now before it gets harder... Your wife and family or this woman. 

She is Not "Just Freinds"


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## MJJEAN

Tell your wife about the sex dream and the feelings and see how ok with this "friendship" she is...or make it easy on yourself and stop having contact with this woman all on your own.


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## aine

Spike9294 said:


> So im new here and erm feelin abit unsure how to start this off but i'll introduce myself as a hard working man with a wife and 2 kids the usual...I have been married for 10 years and dont get me wrong the marriage hasnt always been easy, we have had our ups and downs like any other couple..whether it was insecurities on both parts or financial difficulties but we got through them and stuck it out...my problem is my wife landed a job a year and a half ago and things really looked up as the extra income and benefits..ie colleague discounts and whatnot made things so much easier and even took the weight off me as before she was a stay at home mom which i never had a problem with but it did make our lives abit uncomfortable due to being skint 85-90% of the time after bills, rent and food went out which left us with basically nothing so more or less I was genuinely happy for her as its really helped her come out of her shell and gave her back some independence... She ended up making friends with her boss right from the get go who seemed really nice at first and then I met her so I ended up getting along with her myself, even established a friendship that I even hate to say ended up throughout sometime getting stronger than my wifes and her relationship..We would go to luncheons together(which my wife knew..I didnt keep it from her..she was completely fine with it) would go to pub meals...(we didnt do food dates all the time just like once every 2 weeks or so..wasnt a daily or even weekly basis) even arranged to go see a film together as we both love musicals which my wife aint really into but my wife was ok with it provided I make it up to her by watching the kids so she could have a girls night out or whatever..My problem is...only a few months ago I found myself thinking about my wifes boss more than I should have after i had a sex dream about her, it was unplanned and unprovoked in any way but I kind of developed feelings for her as at first it was just a crush but it turned into something a little more but i dont know what that is..i know what being inlove is as thats what i am with my wife but i dont know what to call this


You, sir, are playing with fire. Tell me, how would you feel if your wife started having cozy luncheons, pub meals, films, etc with your male boss on a regular basis. Would you be down with that? Your wife is too trusting. It is never a good thing when you share an intimate one on one times with a person of the opposite sex period, it more often than not leads to EA and even PA. Cut this out immediately, otherwise, you will lose your marriage.

My husband has always said, no-one should have one on one time (for lunches, etc) with someone of the opposite sex unless there is others around to keep them accountable. I agree. I know of a poor friend whose husband (doing a good deed) started to give a lift to a lady to church (too many kids so needed 2 cars). His wife went with the kids and he went with the other lady. Well, it ended up in them having an affair and destroying the family. They are still married but the wife took the kids and got a job overseas and left him behind. They get together but it is clear the wife tolerates the WH nothing more.


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## Mr.Married

Both you and the boss have very poor boundaries...you are in over your head. 100% no contact.

On the other hand ..... maybe you would enjoy your wife dating someone else...or maybe she already is just like you are doing.


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## newmarriageguy

Hello and first of all let me say thank you for allowing me back here I was involved in a scandal like 3 yrs ago. 

Well. Do you know if your wife’s boss is married to begin with? And now is your wife ok with you as a married guy to date other women and this date to develop into something else? Do you also work with her boss? Or just hang with her?

You know where this is leading, the next thing will be sex. Talk to your wife about this as see how she takes it, but it all depends on how your wife will react, she may feel betrayed or she may just react the same way she has been doing “open minded” since you started getting so closed to her boss. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


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