# how to handle taking a break



## hillbilly_loser (Jan 1, 2013)

my girlfriend told me she wants to take a break. She said she doesn't want to see other people and that she loves me and cares about me. She has to figure out what shes feeling. She said if its meant to be itll workout. we haven't texted or talked in 2 days. she did forward an email today that was a bible scripture. I still have some of my stuff at an ex's house and ithas been there for over 6 months. My current girlfriend thinks I was seeing the ex because she stopped into my apt and caused trouble with my new girlfriend. My current girlfriend now thinks I want my ex because I have stuff up there and because of her showing up at my apt. I don't want my ex. I am going to get my stuff on sat and that will end that. I haven't been seeing my ex and I have no desire to. my current girlfriend wanted to stop by my apt and I told her not till I get my stuff from the ex's cause I don't need more trouble. 

my current girlfriend says our relationship is the best she has ever been in. She says I am kind and loving etc and that we get along 99.9 percent of the time. She states that because I have neve got my stuff and because of the apt incident that she don't trust me and this scares her. I love this woman and I haven't cheated on her and have no desire to cheat on her. 

It has killed me not to text her or call her or contact her because we talked all the time. I really miss her bad. I have read a lot of articles and they all say to not contact her no matter how bad I want to and no matter how bad it hurts. They say I must give her a chance to miss me and to think. I have been extremely sad because I don't want to lose her over some stupid stuff that I wasn't doing. I will admit that I should have never left my stuff at my ex's house because it looks like I was keeping ties with the ex but that wasn't the reason. 

So does the no contact thing work? Is it best to wait for her to contact me and to pursue me? If I contact her during this time apart will it do more damage etc? I feel like I have hurt and missed her for the past couple days and I feel like she isn't even thinking about me at all. She knows that I am getting my stuff from my ex's over the weekend and I am hoping that she will eventually text me and ask me if I did. I think she feels like if I do this on my own that it will prove to her that I love her and that I don't want my ex. I don't want my ex and I love my girlfriend right now with everything in me.

Please help?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If she said that she does not want you to contact her, you have to respect that. 

What things are at your ex's? If you have not had them for 6 months, do you really need them? 

If you do go and get your things, take a friend with you. If you don't your current gf can then say that you must have messed around with your ex, that's why you went there on the weekend.

How long did you date and live with your ex?

How long between the time you broke up with your ex and you started to see your current gf? Did you cheat on your ex with your current gf?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Sounds like she is very good at communicating.
That kind of setup with things at ex-gf and ex-gf showing up would cause me to put on the brakes too. It sounds like you need to tie up loose ends you left behind and make a clean break with the ex.

Did your gf give you any way to communicate with her about changes that you made? I'd suggest getting involved in some kind of classes or projects that will have a lasting and positive effect on your life, regardless of what happens. Also, you could use the free time to take on a second job if that appeals to you, and save up some money for your future, whatever that might be. 

It sounds like she wants to see a show of sincerity and is mature enough not to stay when she feels unsettled and understandably upset at having your former lover show up in what she should rightfully consider to be hers and yours private space.


----------



## hillbilly_loser (Jan 1, 2013)

I have some bike riding gear and a desk there at the ex's house. I left the ex to be with the new girlfriend. I was with the ex for 7 years and I have known my current girlfriend for 18 years. I have always loved my current girlfriend since I first met her. No cheated went on. My ex shoed up at my apt and sais things to make my current girlfriend think something was going on when it wasn't . my current girlfriend thinks that because I have some stuff at the ex's I done that to keep hanging on and its not true. I love my current girlfriend I have no desire to be with anyone else. 

My current girlfriend talked me two days ago via phone and texting. She didn't exactly say no contact but that she felt smothered and wants to take a break. My current girlfriend told me she loved me enough a month a go to marry me but now has reservations about how she feels because she sorta things I was cheating when I wasn't. I am hoping that if she asks me in a couple days if I got my stuff I will say yes because I am getting my stuff tomorrow. I hope that shows her. she says she still oves me and carea about me and everything was really good until I wuldnt let her stop at my apt this weeke because I didn't want the ex stopping and causing no trouble. Which I figure most likely wouldn't happen but I didn't want to chance it. I told my current girlfriend tat she can have a key to my place next week cause I will have my stuff and won't have to worry about my ex haring us. BTW tis si the first time ex ever done this.

I really don't want to lose my girlfriend and I really don't think she wants to lose us but she has reservations. I am hoping that by not contacting her that she will miss me and see that I have my belongins and that I want her and no one else. Does the no contact really work and help to get her back or doesn't it not?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You have to learn how to manage your relationships. You can't be leaving stuff at a former lover's house and therefore giving her an excuse to be contacting you. You may be squeaky clean but the deck is stacked against you. A woman wants to feel secure, she wants to know her man is what he says he is. Why would you want to set up any kind of scenario that will work against your favor? It doesn't make sense. Hire a moving company to go over to her place and get the stuff and bring it to your place. Yes it will cost. But it's only $, not the kind of cost you incurred by leaving it there in the first place and giving your ex the impression she could just come over into your apartment like you two had some kind of ongoing relationship.

Sorry to say, your gf is doing what works best for her.
You can say you are sqeaky clean, no cheating, but you are still not doing what works best for you, if what you want is a ltr with current gf.

Right and wrong has no bearing in this matter.


----------



## hillbilly_loser (Jan 1, 2013)

Current girlfriend didn't say we couldn't text or talk. she just said she was taking a break. she also admitted that and that the apt deal caused a lot of this and that it hurt her bad. She said that maybe she is just freaking out and she needs to figure out how she feels. I don't want to screw up anymore and push her away. I just want to bring her closer to me because she even admitted that our relationship is the best that she has ever had and that she enjoys being with me and has fun. We were planning a trip next month until she wanted to stop at my apt this week and I said not until I get the rest of my stuff from the ex this weekend. She knows I am suppode to get my stuf tomorrow and I keep thinking that she won't ask me to get it because she feels if I get it on my own then she knows I an done with the ex as opposed to her making me and then thinking I did it not on my own free will and love for her.


----------



## hillbilly_loser (Jan 1, 2013)

My stuff will be 100% moved tomorrow from the ex's with nothing left behind and any ties broken from then on. I admit I messed up by leaving my stuff there and none of this should have never happened. I made a mistake and didn't manage things properly I am 100% to blame. No excuses! I know I love my girlfriend and I am sorry I hurt her and for what happ at the apt. It hurt her and I am clean but the perception makes me look guilty. I do think I have a chance with girlfriend since she said she doesn't want to date other people and that she is freaking out. She does have good reason I admit that. She also said that she loves me and cares for me and that if its meant to be then itll workout. That doesn't sound like someone who has thrown in the towel completely to me.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It sounds like she is willing to do what it takes no matter how difficult in the short run, to have a relationship. If she didn't care, she would have just said nothing. Standing up for something you think it worthy of standing up for is a good thing. I wouldn't view this as her having any kind of tantrum and getting her own way. It's not that kind of a situation, and in a relationship prior to marriage, taking a break is entirely legitimate, if one feels a need to do so. It's not the most pleasant for anyone, but it is good to get a breather and get perspective. 

Now might be a good time to ask her if there is anything else she is concerned about (and she'll probably ask the same of you.)

You sound like you two are 'getting there.'


----------



## hillbilly_loser (Jan 1, 2013)

I really think my current girlfriend loves me. we have a great sex life and both admit that we have never been this fulfilled by anyone when it comes to making love to each other. also she says that she really loves doing things with me and has a really good time. when she said we get along 99.9% of the time we really do. I believe in love at first sight because when I first laid eyed on her 18 years ago I literally fell in love with her and I have never stopped loving her. 

IF she wanted totally out she could have bailed and said no hope. So should I continue with the no contact and let her miss me and let her make the first contact?


----------



## hillbilly_loser (Jan 1, 2013)

I'm off to get my stuff in an hour from my ex's place. I hope it isn't to late to fix things with my current girlfriend. I should have never left my stuff at my exes place this long. It was a huge mistake. I am actually excited about getting my stuff and closing that chapter of my life and moving on and working things out with my current girlfriend. I love her and I think we both add value to each others lives. She has told me the blow up at my apt hurt her bad. I'm trying to over come that and I don't want to make anymore mistakes in the process. I wish she would just say go get your stuff but I think thSt is to easy. If she asks me to I think she feels like I didn't do it cause I was genuine but because I was just trying not to lose her. I love this woman and I really beige she loves me. When I get all my stuff today I am not going to text and tell her. I think I'll wait and let her ask me if I did. I know its important to her for me to get my stuff and prove to her thSt I have broke any and all ties to my ex so that we can move on. Do u think its best to wait and let my current girlfriend ask me if I got my stuff instead of texting her the first thing and saying, hey I got my stuff? I don't want her to think I got my stuff outta desperation and for fear of losing her I had already made plans before she said we needed to take a break. I want to make sure I don't lose this woman cause she is my dream come true and I have literally loved her every since I met her. Idk how I could have been so stupid and left my stuff at my exes house. My girlfriend woukd always say get your stuff and let's to this right. I guess now actions must speak louder than words and I want her to see that I truly love her and that I've made a clean break from my ex and that I've done it on my own and that I was sincere in getti g my stuff because I love my current girlfriend not cause she forced me into it by taking a break. I am being genuine I love my current girlfriend and want to spend my life with her. She said she was maybe just freaking out when she asked for the break but what I think she is saying is that my stuff being at my exes and my ex stopping g at apt and then me not letting my current girlfriend stop at my apt this week untill I got all my stuff from my ex finally made her put the brakes on and to step back. I can understand thSt for sure. So hopefully ill hear from her in a week and I can make her feel better a out us knowing I have all my stuff and no ties to the ex. 

One last question, valentines day is Thursday And do you think it is ok for me to send her flowers? The take a break was made on good terms and she stated she doesn't want to c other people and that she loves me and cares about me and that if its meant to work out it will. Like I said she wants me to get my stuff and prove to her I don't want my ex. We were planning a weekend trip for next month until I wouldn't let her stop at my apt now this. Anyway I don't want her to feel left out and I love this woman and I don't want to play games so want to put an end to my prior life and I want to move forward with my current girlfriend and show her that I love her and thSt I want to build a life with her. 

I'm waiting for suggestions. Thanks so much!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Hillbilly

Get your stuff. Period. Tell your ex never to come to your apt. Again. End all this drama.

Now you have been with new GF 6 months. I understand you know her longer but slow down bro.

Just take it slower.

I see nothing wrong acknowledging valentines day. In fact you might get in trouble either way but if the girl loves you and you love her then show it.

And sign the card "Hope to be with you soon"


----------



## hillbilly_loser (Jan 1, 2013)

happyman64 said:


> Hillbilly
> 
> Get your stuff. Period. Tell your ex never to come to your apt. Again. End all this drama.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hillbilly_loser (Jan 1, 2013)

hillbilly_loser said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I got all my stuff today and I have nothing left at my ex's house I hadn't heard from my girlfriend whom I'm taking a break with. Her choice. She is at a concert outta town today with a bunch of girlfriends. I have in and texted her and told her to be careful on the two hour trip and that I hoped she had a good time tonight. She texted back in less than thirty seconds and said "thank you we r already here". I replied with ok cool. And that was two hours ago. Nothing else was said. Do you think that her responding back in less than 30 seconds was a good sign since we hadn't talked or texted in 2 days? I feel like she could have ignored me for a couple hours or not even have texted me back let alone in under 30 seconds. And does her response to me sound cold or impersonal?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

No. She responded. She did not have to. Give her the space she asked for.

But let her know you care and you love her.

Be cool.

Everything will workout.

Patience.


----------



## hillbilly_loser (Jan 1, 2013)

I have been texting my girlfriend that is taking a break from me. We have texted quite a bit today and she has been friendly. I informed her that I went and got all my stuff from my exes place and that I have no more ties there. She asked me if I was glad? I told her yes that I was big time glad and that I had no regrets at all. None! She said that's good. She didn't say anything else. She asked me where I moved my stuff to and I said my apt and a storage rental. She has been real nice today and I am trying to not push her at all. I just needed to let her know that I told her I was getting my stuff and that I meant it. So I am hoping that she now will be thinking during our break that wow he's serious he says he loves me and wants me and he got all of his stuff and broke those ties. I wish I had done that a long time ago. That was a big mistake on my part. I love this woman and I am doing everything in my power to let her know that she is totally welcome at my apt now. She can even have a key if we get back together. As a matter of fact, I would love for her to be at my place as much as she wants. I miss her big time right now. I have love for her and no one else!

So what's your thoughts? Should I text her tonight and ask her if I can call her or facetime her on my iphone or should I just text a little and then be done without rushing it? She didn't say we couldn't text or talk. and everytime I text her she always texts me back and doesn't act like I am bothering her. She actually texted me and told me thanks for checking on them while they were outta tow at the concert. That sounds like someone who is glad that I didn't ignore them over the weekend and was glad I actually texted. What do you think?


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Keep it to text.

Be patient.

And let her know you miss her.

Keep it simple and be patient.

Take this time to work on you.......


----------



## totamm (May 1, 2012)

hillbilly_loser said:


> I don't want her to think I got my stuff outta desperation and for fear of losing her


She already thinks that. 

It's totally obvious that you're finally getting your stuff from your ex because you're desperate and afraid of losing her. 

If it was me I wouldn't be so quick to get the stuff from your ex it makes you look very weak as if you'll do anything necessary to get her back even groveling at her feet if that's what it takes.



hillbilly_loser said:


> She asked me where I moved my stuff to and I said my apt and a storage rental.





hillbilly_loser said:


> I have some bike riding gear and a desk there at the ex's house.


Wait, what?

All you had over there was a desk and some bike riding gear and you had to go and rent a storage unit even though you put some of it in your apartment?

Either your apartment is really small, or you've got a ton of bike riding equipment or you had a lot more stuff at your ex's house than you said. I'm thinking it's the latter.

No wonder your girlfriend was pissed. I bet she asked you about all the stuff still at your ex's house many times during the relationship, and you just blew her off.

Now that the relationship is in it's end game, all you say is that you "messed up" by leaving what is now apparently a whole bunch of stuff at your ex's house.

You don't seem to realize there's a reason why you left all that stuff there even though it was causing the girl you love so much, so much anguish.


----------



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I don't know. Something's not right. 

You had a desk and some biking gear at the ex's place? That's all - so what? It wasn't like you were constantly going over there, were you? Also, your ex GF showed up and some incriminating things to your current GF but they were lies? And she believed her, not you?

If she's still not sure you haven't had something going on with your ex, offer to take a freaking lie detector test. If she declines, ask her why? 

I just hope she's not using this stuff with your past GF as an excuse to distance herself. Any chance she's seeing somebody else? I just don't like how she's not afraid of losing you to ex GF. She should be if she wants to be with you. Or she should be angry and trying to kick you out. Instead she talks about you smothering her. To me that means she's rejecting your affection. And if she's rejecting your affection it could be because she wants it from a certain someone else. Not to make you paranoid, but you need to find out if there's someone else. She could be shifting this all on to you - you definitely seem a little love lost at the moment. There could be some manipulation at play.


----------



## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

Stop texting her for a few days. Let her initiate.

Don't respond right away..keep her guessing a little bit. 

She knows how you feel.

Add some mystery to the equation...


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

well hillbilly_loser in the words of a ******* god jeff foxworthy if a woman asks for a break its because she has another horse she is riding or has one picked out and the saddle out of the barn


----------



## hillbilly_loser (Jan 1, 2013)

My girlfriend that is taking the break stopped by on Valentines evening on her way home. She was outta town with her daughter for doctor appointments. That was the first time ive seen her in person in a week. We hugged and kissed and talked a little. I told her that i loved her and she said i know! We talked more and i asked her if she loved me and she said yes. She said we need this break cause i need to decide if she is what i want and she needs to decide if im what she wants. Once again she admitted that she things i was seeing my ex-girlfriend and I wasn't. She admitted that she would still want to marry me if my ex hadn't stopped at my apt and made her think i was cheating on her. I can assure you that I wasn't cheating on her with my ex or no one else and I have never had sex or even looked at another woman since I have been with her. Its like she keeps fightingher feelings for me etc. I told her that we have everything to lose cause I have loved her for the past 18 years and that I am in love with her now and no one else. I told her she could have a key to my apt if she wants. I have nothing to hide. Valentines night was the first time she has been back to my apt since the blow up at the end of December. She called and said as she was pulling in is it ok to stop. I said yes my ex isn't here and she won't be here no more. I told her that I wasn't interested in seeing no one but her and that she has admitted that she would still marry me if the apt incident hadn't happened. We have had the best relationship for the past year and she admits it all the time. Its like she is scared to death to get close to me now etc and is holding back how she feels. I love this woman and we have come so far in the past week when it comes to talking. When she left my apt last night we talked and i told her how i felt etc and she said i don't wanna fight. I said i am not going to fight with u we never fight. I told her that I loved her and that she is making a big mistake because I wasn't cheating and that i will do everything to prove it. I mean her kids, family and everyone likes me and she is crazy about me but she is so hesitant now. SHe admitted in a text last week when we broke up that she is scared. I asked after spilling my guts last night to call me when she got home and she said she will. I figured she would text and that would be it. SHe actually called me when she got home and we talked a little and she had to call her mom and said I will call oyu back and can you beleive she facetimed me on her iphone and we spoke on video. 

That doesn't sound like someone who deosn't want to be with me. its like she wants to be with me but is so scared because of the apt blow up. I don't want to not talk to this woman anymore and do that while she figures it out. I know I love this woman and I know in my heart she loves me as she admitted last night that she would still marry me if the apt incident hadn't happened. I need to know how to fix that and prove toher I wasn't cheating and move forward and get her back in my life as I really love this woman and was happy being with her. We are meant to be together. She even said we get along so good that its scary. Like she said 99.9% of the time our relationship is perfect. She told me that before we broke up that she has never loved anyone as much as me and has never connected with anyone like me. I feel like if I stop taling to her and let her go it will hurt our relationship because we are both it seems reaching out to each other and contacting each other and we went from 2 days of no texting or talking to communicating big time. I feel like if she really wanted a break and didn't want to see me she wouldn't text and that she wouldn't cal and that she wouldn't face time and that she definitley wouldn't have stopped at my apt on Valentines Evening to give me a gift.

What are your thoughts as to this and what can i do to prove to her I love her and that she is making a mistake by taking a break all over something that wasn't happening. I was not cheating and I Promosie!


----------

