# Trying to move forward, but can't seem to let go.



## Celenithil (May 28, 2016)

I want to move on from my divorce, but I still seem to be stuck in many of the emotions that I had when everything started last year. He left me for his controlling ex girlfriend who is now his girlfriend for the 4th time. I admit that I wasn't perfect in the marriage and have worked very hard to improve myself on those short falls, but they seem so minor now that they have been cleared out of the way. I still can't help but think what else did I do wrong to have this happen. I miss who he was before his ex came back into the picture, and from what his parents tell me, always happens when she is around. He just isn't a good person when she is there. 

Since the divorce he has moved to another state to be with her and living it up like nothing bad ever happened. He didn't even skip a beat in his life and acted like I was just a big mistake. He blamed me for the marriage falling apart and he did no wrong. He even blames me for his cheating, because "I drove him to it". I know I shouldn't but part of me believes him. They played nasty head games on me by trying to have me committed, they said I was suicidal when I wasn't. He even tried to have the papers filed in time so the divorce would have been finalized on our 3rd wedding anniversary. This has all left a lasting mark on me that I can't seem to break. I am so ashamed of the divorce and that fact I couldn't make a marriage last more then 2 years. I truly believed believe him that it was all my fault, which I know it wasn't now. 

Since the divorce, I went back to college and graduated with my bachelors, fixed my finances, working on my weight and worked through the feelings of my mothers death. All things he held against me for causing the divorce. Really tiny things compared to the affair he had in the end. I have everything going for me and should be happy with they path has taken since he left me. I just don't understand why I can't just let it go. 

It really bothers me is that he is happy with her and I am still here alone. He said the last time I saw him was that no one will love you. This message comes up in my head every time I think about dating again. I find nothing but scum bags that want to use me for sex and nothing else. I can't seem to find anyone who wants to get to know me for me. I am starting to lose hope and believe maybe he is right. Maybe I don't deserve to be loved. 

I am also afraid of what men will say when I tell them I am divorced after just 2 years of marriage because my husbanded cheated and left for another woman. I fell like it is just turning off all the good men. The men I want to date see me as nothing more then a friend. I want to be happy but just not sure what that happy is going to be. I keep thinking about when things were good and wanting those times back. It hurts knowing that I will never have that again. I just don't know what to do to just let go of this. It is not doing me any good but I can't break the cycle, even with therapy. I was doing really good till Thursday when a radio show brought up cheating and it triggered a lot of feelings I had not has for some time, on top of it it would have been our anniversary. I have been in a downward spiral since then. 

I just want to be free of this stigma, guilt and embarrassment so I can have my life back. I just want to finally free of what he did to me and hope that there really is someone else out there that will love me as I am and truly keep his word of always being there.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

I can relate to a few things you wrote, particularly your end line.

Look, although I'm certain it feels like an eternity, your situation is still pretty new. The feelings you are having are pretty normal for right now. You said you are working through your feelings re: your mom's death...are you seeing a counselor? 

Keep doing what you are doing and don't assume your ex is having a great life- after all, this is time numero quatro with his ex gf. There's clearly a lot of discord in that situation, don't you think? 

My divorce has been final for a little over a month, and I have you beat. My marriage only lasted a year and a half! We were together for sixteen and ran out and got married as soon as the same sex marriage laws changed in my state. I now have the dubious honor of being what is probably the first same sex divorcee in WI! 

Chin up- get out there and meet people. I know it's hard (I'm a massive introvert, hence my username) but join some groups and act in a confident way, even if you're not feeling it right now. It will soon follow.

Best of luck to you...


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

" It hurts knowing that I will never have that again."

Yes, you won't have the good times or the BAD times. I was embarrassed as well...after 3 years of dating, we married. After 4 months of marriage, he relapsed (meth) and I kicked him out. He went to rehab but really for 3 years we had a lot of difficulty. We divorced at 3 years of marriage. 

I was heartbroken but in the marriage I felt alone. Life is to short. 

I don't want to live the rest of my life with someone who is self centered. 

You will find quite a few frogs as the men you described. They are out there. Keep filtering them out. 

You are on your way to become a better version of you. Congrats on all of your accomplishments. Keep building your confidence and know your value. 

If you find yourself to vulnerable... don't date. If you think you are ready..then put yourself out there. Get a dating coach. 

Eventually this grief will fade. Don't judge it but keep walking.......


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I can understand feeling like a failure when a relatively short marriage ends like yours did. But try to look at it in a positive light - at least you didn't waste most of your life staying with a narcissist and cheater.

He has said awful, reprehensible things to you. No one deserves to be told they'll never be loved - especially someone with what seems to be a gentle and caring heart like you. He was lucky to have someone as good as you for those couple of years - he didn't deserve you.

I know you don't see it that way now, but I promise you'll come to a place where you will. Not because you'll fool yourself into believing it - because enough time and distance from him will show you it's the truth.


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## db52993 (May 7, 2013)

You wrote: "I want to be happy but just not sure what that happy is going to be. I keep thinking about when things were good and wanting those times back. It hurts knowing that I will never have that again. I just don't know what to do to just let go of this. It is not doing me any good but I can't break the cycle, even with therapy. I was doing really good till Thursday when a radio show brought up cheating and it triggered a lot of feelings I had not has for some time, on top of it it would have been our anniversary. I have been in a downward spiral since then."

----
Welcome to the club! I feel the same way as you. My wife let me after 15 yrs of marriage and having an affair during it. I was blind-sided. I am currently dealing with the emotional aftermath of it all. I have no desire to do anything. I feel numb inside.

I cant really give you any advice, because I am dealing with my own issues. What I can say though is that you are not alone and that there are others who feel like you do.


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## David1967 (Jun 20, 2016)

I'm looking for the next lady in my life but i'm still very,very bitter over the way my marriage went and how my Ex got remarried with the guy she was cheating on me with right after the divorce was finalized. I've been divorced for a year but i didn't live with or talk to my wife for two years previous to that. I moved to a different state and didn't tell her. The only good thing about that marriage was that we couldn't have children.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad but you've done so well for yourself. Karma is a wonderful thing. Keep improving your life and start finding pleasure in things that interest you and when you're ready love will come. Keep your head up and two awful, narcissistic idiots deserve each other. They'll probably fighting over who's turn it is to stare at their image in the mirror.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Yes, those two most definitely deserve each other! Just like my ex and the rotten ex that he divorced me to remarry. (our marriage was 11 months beginning to end, so I got most of y'all beat, lol) They are two of the most vile, disgusting people on the planet. Not just because he dumped me for her, but because of the kind of people they are and the things they have done to each other and other people over the years, while presenting themselves to the rest of the world as the perfect golden couple. Truly gross. Oh and there IS no Karma...everything comes up roses for them while I have been left to scrape and struggle, financially and emotionally, ever since. 
@Celenithil don't take anything he has told you to heart. And his cheating was NOT your fault, and no decent people would ever think that it was.


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