# Root of some of our toxic dynamics...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This actually came up in my mind as well...

As some of you know, my wife and I have a weird dynamic -> we get p-ssed off, we fk like crazy, and end up being jelly enough after-sex to be able to solve our issues without fighting. Not only that, but we poke each other.

We've been poking each other since well... since we've met. We became best friends for over a year and to this day we still are - we're very close. We fight like an "old married couple" some people told us, we just 'clicked' personality wise.

However the poking, the games, jabbing at each other, challenging each other... all of that came from being friends. Even though... well we WERE kinda more than 'best friends' because we've been teasing/flirting with each other for just as long as well - to the misery of my ex at that time (we had some bad foundations)

I don't know how we can fix this... it's the norm for us now =/


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I would think after being on this forum for so long, you might realize it is easier to get opinions if you stick to one thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

But they are all seperate issues >.<


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> But they are all seperate issues >.<


Oh no you did not just make that face at me!......:rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Oh yes he did! Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *RandomDude said*: As some of you know, my wife and I have a weird dynamic -> we get p-ssed off, we fk like crazy, and end up being jelly enough after-sex to be able to solve our issues without fighting. Not only that, but we poke each other.


I'm curious, what % of the time do you have to FIGHT







in order to do the HOT Make up sex ? It does stir the hormones up, I'll give you that. Then you get a little of that "afterglow" ....I noticed you posted here >> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/56542-afterglow-4.html



> *RandomDude said:* For me, most of the time there is no afterglow, it's routine "get each other off" and then I'm racing off to finish my daily duties each time. Though my wife complains if I'm racing off - well DUH! I have SH-T to do! But this problem is on the process of being fixed.
> 
> There only seems to be an afterglow when sex actually has some meaning. We play, fondle, cuddle, hold each other and at times she keeps me inside. We are both rather jelly and non-aggressive during the afterglow, so for years we had a funny conflict resolution system:
> 
> ...


What is "ST"? (I suck at abbreviations) What is the purpose of this "poking".... do you LIKE that she does this? Does she like that you do this... or you both enjoy annoying the crap out of each other ?


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

ST? Maybe = Silent Treatment?????


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, we fight about 2x a month on average, not as often as we used to. And yes ST = Silent Treatment

And no I don't always like it when she pokes, unless it's for a stupid issue then it's really just us finding an excuse to be mad at each other so we can fight and have angry sex. She doesn't mind me poking much either as long as I don't reject her and/or I make it up to her. We are both very careful with our words it seems however considering we haven't said anything too hurtful to each other yet over the years.

Still, her poking me the other day despite me desperately needing my space was simply bad timing. There's a time and place to argue, and a time and place to leave your SO alone. She doesn't understand the concept of "space" very much. I normally only poke her during STs when I know she's waiting for me to confront her and have it all out.

The only time the fights got really hurtful was that time when I mentioned the D word which hurt her quite a bit... and that wasn't really a fight, it was well... a REAL fight, with make/break issues.


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