# Need Advice on Legal Separation



## lizvick (May 25, 2014)

Hi,

This is my first post here. I've been reading and thinking and have some questions I'd like some advice on. I am miserable with my husband and am considering ending our marriage, but I don't know if jumping into divorce is the right option.

What exactly is a legal separation? Why do some people prefer it to a divorce?

Some of my specific concerns, financially, are that we have two kids in college. We pay their way 100% - school, housing, everything. Both are over 18. If we get a legal separation, can it include continuing to support our kids this way?

Thank you all.

Lizvick


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lizvick said:


> Hi,
> 
> This is my first post here. I've been reading and thinking and have some questions I'd like some advice on. I am miserable with my husband and am considering ending our marriage, but I don't know if jumping into divorce is the right option.
> 
> ...


You need to check the laws in your state. Some do not allow legal separation.
Legal separation is usually used for either people who have religious beliefs that preclude them from getting divorced or in situations when one of them needs to stay on the other’s health insurance. You do everything like a divorce; split assets, live apart, etc. But you are still legally married.

With either a legal separation or a divorce language can be added that stimulates support the parents want to give to support their children through college. This is often state dependent.

You can search the internet to find out how these things are handled in your state.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why do you think you want a separation instead of a divorce?

For me, it started with a separation because in Canada, you need to be separated for a year before you get divorced. Doesn't matter if it's "legal", but if there's a dispute over it, it's easier to demonstrate a particular time it started. It's been going on over three years now, simply because I haven't felt like rocking the boat. But it's beginning to get in my way...

C


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## lizvick (May 25, 2014)

Thank you both for your responses. I'm in California and I know that legal separation is an option in my state. As for why a separation instead of a divorce - mainly because I don't want to go too fast. I'm thinking a separation is a start to being sure the marriage cannot be saved.

Because I have no independent income, I have a lot of questions about the financial aspects. As I wrote in my first post, continuing to provide for our sons education is my first concern. I don't expect my husband to disagree with that, but I am glad to know that it can be put in writing - for the kid's sake and to prevent it from becoming an issues in the future. In a legal separation, how are credit cards handled? Everything is in both our names.

Thank you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I have some knowledge about divorce in California since I did work for a divorce there a couple of years ago.
How long have you been married and how old are the two of you?

California is a community property state. In both divorce and legal separation, assets and debt are split 50/50. However, if you have no income of your own then often the debt can be proportionally (to income) shifted to the higher earning spouse.

Alimony depends on how long you have been married.

Alimony is often awarded for half the length of the marriage in shorter term marriages. Long term marriages it can be awarded for life. Btu the goal is for the spouse getting alimony to become as self-supporting as possible. A good ball park figure for long term support is 30% of what your husband makes. 

I’m not completely sure how the support is handled in a legal separation. My bet is that it is similar to divorce. 

My advice is that you read up on the topics on line. There is a ton of info out there. Then you visit a few lawyers. Many will give a free half hour to hour consolation. This way you can get some question asked and maybe even find one you like.

One thing about getting a legal separation and then a divorce is that you’re paying attorneys twice. And believe me they will be glad to suck up as much of your money as they can. 

Link to California court self-help site
Online Self-Help Center - selfhelp

What have you don’t to prepare for separation/divorce? Do you have a bank account in your name and some money saved up? Make sure you get copies of every financial and person paperwork you can find. Store them in a safe place like at a friend’s or relative’s place.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Your best bet is to sit down and talk to a lawyer about your rights and responsibilities. They can explain the different options you have. If you and your husband are amicable, doing a mediated or collaborative separation can be quicker and cheaper, and might leave less hard feelings between you.

C


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## lizvick (May 25, 2014)

Sorry to reply so late. With everyone home for the long weekend, I'm having trouble getting privacy on my computer. I am fearful of putting much identifying information online. EleGirl, can I send you a private message?

I plan on contacting an attorney this week in hopes of getting a free consultation and some advice on my situation. I don't even know how to prepare for a separation. If I get a bank account in my own name, won't that become part of our joint assets? I'll definitely be doing more reading when everyone is gone this week, too.

Thank you both for your suggestions.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sure you can send me a PM.


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