# Husband ruining the marriage



## christine30 (Mar 23, 2010)

I have been married for 8 months now, and starting from the 2nd month into our marriage, My husband and I would fight every weekend about his drinking. I would plead and cry to him to stop drinking, that this is not him. He wasn't violent, but he just didn't know when to stop and didn't know his limit.. to the point where it was just so embarrasing to see him like that.. which hurted. numerous time, i have tried to until he got arrested for DWI - he had to wear those scram braclet for 3 months, and is currently on probation and attending classes. as soon as the braclet went off, he was at the bar. he was like he knows his limit which is two drinks, i said fine, now u know and be more responsible now. 
going further, he would go by our friends house and drink with the guys.. and than turn around and talk so negatively about me to my own friends. they would come back and tell me, and i would just brush it aside. the final straw was for his bday that he got so drunk and i was so embarrass. i told him stop, his parents intervene.. that didnt help. than over the weekend, he was drinking 3 days straight and talk negatively about me. I told him i am done, and he wants to work things out.. my mom got involve, and spoke to him, and advice to me I should give it one more chance. I hope i am doing the right thing. my friends think i have gotten weak, and that he got his fingers twisted around my mom and I. 
I have no emotions in any loving way for him right now... he battered it so much, that i cant even force to love him that way as before. i do care for him,but how much more can a person take. he said he will try, I just hope he will do it for himself and for us. 

Do you think an alcholic can change, and I hope I made the right decision in listening to my mom.


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## vibrant13 (Mar 17, 2010)

Do you drink with him? Have you guys tried marriage counseling? 

Sorry to start out with questions right out of the gate but both of those things matter. Is he going to outpatient therapy? Does HE think he has a problem? 

You and he need to sit down TOGETHER and sober and ask some questions that maybe neither of you want to. Only then when you get to the root of the problem can you start to fix it. If you don't have 2 willing parties then no matter what you do it won't be enough


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## christine30 (Mar 23, 2010)

vibrant13 said:


> Do you drink with him? Have you guys tried marriage counseling?
> 
> Sorry to start out with questions right out of the gate but both of those things matter. Is he going to outpatient therapy? Does HE think he has a problem?
> 
> You and he need to sit down TOGETHER and sober and ask some questions that maybe neither of you want to. Only then when you get to the root of the problem can you start to fix it. If you don't have 2 willing parties then no matter what you do it won't be enough


Hi Vibrant, thank you for your opinion - much appreciated.

No, If i do drink with him, I would just have one drink - but he will have two, but if he is around others he would have more than his limit which is two. No, we haven't tried counseling, he doesn't want to because, he is already going to some program that he has to take because of his DUI - which counsels them on marriage, life etc. So i cant force him. 

at the moment, my mother had to intervene and he told her he would change.. I have notice him changing this week, he cook, he is much calmer - but it is only a week, he hasn't been tested to that extent. I just hope he is not being false and portraying someone he is not. I have not told him this is his last chance and he has to change for himself and after all will fall into place.hope so.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He will only change if he wants to. You need to decide if you want to live like this forever if he doesn't. 

Shans--you need to start your own thread.


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## shansmiles4u (Jun 28, 2011)

sorry new at this, I'm working on it!


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