# cheated w/felon and now pregnant with lots of questions!!!!



## Lissa (Jul 5, 2009)

My husband and I have been together for a total of 8 years, we got pregnant fast and have managed to stay together this long, but not very much longer. We have 2 little boys, 3 and 7.

Our relationship has always had issues but we moved in with his parents over a year ago and long story short, I was kicked out, we started going through mediation and I was out on my own by this point. My husband begged and pleaded for us to get back together to be a family again and I did.

I cheated on him right before we split the first time and ever since we've been back together I thought and hoped that eventually I would feel the spark again or enjoy intimacy and all I can do is despise anything of the sort with him. 

We've been back together now for almost exactly a year and I cheated on him with a guy who is now locked up and will be looking at minimum 5 years to life. I'm guessing that he will end up with around 10 years. We had just gone on vacation to my brothers wedding across the country when I realized that I'm pregnant. 

I was sleeping with the "boyfriend" the whole time and not my husband up until right after my boyfriend went to jail and this was only 3 days before we went on vacaion. Therefore when I felt pregnant and if it was my husbands then I would've felt that pregnant at less than a week pregnant.

So if he wasn't in jail I would more than likely be with him living with him like a family but now I have that to be concerned with, plus I'm fighting my own case, similar type case but not the same and trying to stay out of jail for sake of my children. But if I end up with a felony on my record this could hinder getting certain programs to help me do this on my own which is another issue.

I also am concerned with telling my family I'm pregnant, not by my husband and that the baby daddy is in prison. I've already had 2 live births and 2 abortions and really don't want to abort this baby. So I either keep it and just deal with it all and get through it, or I can abort it and potentially have a shot at keeping my family now together regardless of how unhappy I am.

Please help me out here, I just have no idea what to do next!!!

PS... Unfortunately I do have strong feelings for the boyfriend.


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

adoption is a good choice.... more so in this situation


----------



## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Divorce your husband, you cheated on him, have been sleeping w/another man for a year and now are pregnant w/most likely the OM's baby. Your husband doesn't deserve any of that.


----------



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

In my all honest opion, you shoulda kept your legs closed and tryed to work things out with your H for the sake of your kids. If things are that bad then divorce the man, dont run around on him. Thats just wrong... think of your kids..not yourself.

As far as being pregnant now with a felon's baby... I dont believe in abortion.. if you can lay down and make it, then you can lay down and have it. Abortion should be ilegal. Period. The child wasnt asked to be brought into this world, why end its life? I think you should suck it up and deal with it, divorce your husband, he deserves better.


----------



## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

First of all marriage=sex w/your husband, not said OM whom happens to have his shady a$$ in jail now...if you can't sleep w/just your husband you ma'am shouldn't be married.

Second of all...I wasn't going to get into the abortion thing but since someone else brought it up. Abortion is NOT birth control. Quit keeping your legs open 24/7 like Seven 11. You've done it twice? You ma'am need to be on birth control, and your man needs to be wearing a condom AND pulling out, hell throw whatever other method of BC you can think of in there too anything to keep you from again being knocked up sheesh...don't people ever learn HOW babies are made?

Yes please think adoption...there's plenty of people out there whom will love those babies you seem to make on a frequent basis but don't want to take care of.

As for your marriage...you shouldn't be in one in the first place.


----------



## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

1. Divorce your dh, give him the two kids you two have. You obviously have issues of your own that you need to straighten out and quite frankly these two kids deserve better than you risking their stability. Of the two of you, your dh seems more capable of being stable, responsible, mature, and rational at this juncture.

2. Have an abortion, as your "boyfriend" is in the slammer and you are likely headed there too. The "boyfriend" may throw "wrenches" into ANY adoption plan will FOREVER connect you with this _for real felon_ via this baby. In addition, you giving up custody of the two children from your dh may cause you to not be able to give up the baby for adoption (last minute realization of all you have done) and then you are the mother of a baby when you are CLEARLY not ready to be selfless enough to be a responsible mother.

You truly need to get a grip on your life. You know you are in the process of coasting further down a VERY slippery slope, and once the slide begins, often there is no turning back.


----------



## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

yikes what a mess...


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I feel bad for your kids. Like preso said, adoption would be a good place to start.


----------



## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Well, it's pointless to beat the proverbial dead *****...uh, NM...

You're a mess but I think you know that already...if the baby you're carrying is not your husbands, then divorce the man, stay out of jail as best you can and let the other children stay with their father.

You and the jailbird baby can live happily ever after...in 10 years to life...

Preacher


----------



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Please find support in your real life. Do you have any relatives or friends that can help? How about church? therapist? social worker? We are talking about innocent children's lives here, and it saddens me to hear of your struggle.


----------



## XiaSulin (Jul 5, 2009)

I've never been in your situation I'm sorry, I do understand somewhat because a lot of people in my family have kids young and they often have a lot. Cheating is hard, but if you look into it, it's not unheard of, and that doesn't make you a bad person for it. The fact that you had a child from it makes it all the more complicated. I don't think putting the child up for adoption will solve it, because they will know regardless and this child is your child.

If you choose not to have an abortion, then I think that you should have a sit down and talk with your husband about it, because if you carry it to term then he will know. It's the sorta thing you have to be open and honest about and let him decide if he wants to stay or leave, and maybe take some marriage counselling if it does work out/the chance.

Also decide if you love him or not. If you don't love him then you should leave anyway, if you think they'll work out tell him. I find that honesty in the relationship and with your kids, and understanding works out better than a lie (lol) yet I haven't seemed to learn my lesson , just in practice lies cause so much trouble and hurt feelings and once you keep telling them, even if it's out of fear it becomes a habit.

I just hope everything turns out ok for you, your kids, and your husband. As for your boyfriend it sounds like you did love him? If you love him don't bother what others think and wait till he gets out of prison. Or rather...do what your heart tells you.


----------



## therealcabreezy (Aug 26, 2009)

Divorce him--Give him the children as I am sure with all your issues he can obtain thorugh court visits anyway. Please allow your husband to have what he deserves..A life of happiness..what is cool about stories like this is guys like your husband ALWAYS get blessed in life..You need to get some help. I would love to bash you in this forum, but seriously get help...You are on a path to self-destruction.


----------



## Nandos (Apr 4, 2009)

I think you should tell your husband about your situation, let him absorb the shock and OFFER to leave. Let him keep the children and YOU keep your child too; am neither for adoption nor abortion (murder). Review the faults in your life - work hard to stay away from jail. Start a brand new life with your soon to be born child and learn from your mistakes. Last but not least, use birth control unless you and your future partner (if any) want children!


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

You should leave your husband and no matter how much he begs (which he probably won't but if he does...) you should leave him alone to get on with his life. Maybe he can find a nice girl who knows about birth control.


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

I tell you its true.. there are many people who would love a baby.. even if father is a felon, as they are more equipped in all ways to handle any problems that may arise.
It does not sound like you are, and raising this child would only prove to be bad for you.
Lots of people will also pay for your birth needs too, which should help you obtain some quality counseling and also high quality birth control... and cover any post partum medical needs you may encounter.


put the baby up for adoption, you can maybe even choose the new parents.


----------



## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Yep some places will pay your birth costs....AND there are a lot of county health offices or Planned Parenthood offices at which you can get BC for very cheap if not FREE. I suggest you get on some after this kid makes its way into the world.


----------

