# Looking for some serious help, I can't stop thinking about sex.....



## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

Okay, so I've been happily divorced for 2 years now thanks to the helpful people here talking some sense into me, . Now I have focused on being celibate for the next 10 years to get me thru my 30's. I started working out, have lost 80lbs getting me back down to 190 at 5'10". I have alot of muscle so it's not 190 of pure fat or anything of that nature.

My problem is, ever since I started working out I cannot stop thinking about sex. I want to remain celibate until at least the age of 40. I know alot of people will think this is crazy but the reason for this is to focus on my career. My career has skyrocketed since being celibate. I'm thinking it's due to the increase in testosterone by working out causing this insane surge or hormones. I seriously feel like I did back in middle school, it's absolutely irritating. I do masturbate several times per week to try and get rid of the temptation "Sorry if TMI" but it just comes back a few hours later. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

I have actually went as far as trying to stay away from women in the gym and any places where I can meet them. There were several times where I would go out to these places with friends or even the gym and women would come up and hit on me. I became friends with a few of these women only to find out they wanted more. Maybe I'm out of my mind but in a panic I set them up with my friends and explained to them that I cannot have a relationship right now. They are still together and happy which is all fine and great, but I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I am on a celibacy site and nobody there can help me with what to do, other than stay focused.

The last thing I want is another woman coming into my life right now and running me thru the same crap my ex did so dating is out of the question. I guess what is happening is after 4 years of having zero drive it is starting to come back and I honestly just want it to go away since it is effecting my mind.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Not sure anyone can help you. This is normal. The man upstairs created us this way.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If you want to go into monk mode that's your choice. I can tell you though, no woman showing interest in you wants to remain just a friend. 

It's perfectly healthy to want sex, and yes it's probably due to the increase in testosterone. Women will be drawn to it as well. 

If you're sure you want to stay single until 40, then don't encourage attention of women at all, you won't be able to maintain a "just friends" relationship. I know there are all female gyms. Perhaps there are all-male ones as well. 

My SO swore up and down after his divorce he'd never marry again. He kept that promise for 14 years until he met me. Be sure of what you want, go for it with all your heart, but be open to the notion that things may change your intended plans. Maybe the men of TAM can be more helpful.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Being celibate...wow...thats a tough one. 

Combine that with working out, getting healty..and so on. 

Healthy men want sex....lots of sex. That is the way of things. 

You might want to consider...female companionship -even in a limited fashion...


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

Satya said:


> If you want to go into monk mode that's your choice. I can tell you though, no woman showing interest in you wants to remain just a friend.
> 
> It's perfectly healthy to want sex, and yes it's probably due to the increase in testosterone. Women will be drawn to it as well.
> 
> ...


Thanks, I appreciate the kind words. I don't lead women on at all, they actually came up to me and started talking. It's when they ask me to come home with them, or weeks later when they ask where I see this "relationship" going. I have since started telling women that I am not in a position where I can have a relationship to be up front with them though.

I really just want all of these disgusting thoughts out of my head. In my eyes after my marriage ended sex = a tool women can use to control men and I will not let that happen again. If women change by the time I'm 40 then maybe I'll dip back into the dating pool, but I don't want the distraction of women/sex during my prime years of my 30's.


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

MarriedDude said:


> Being celibate...wow...thats a tough one.
> 
> Combine that with working out, getting healty..and so on.
> 
> ...


Thanks "dude", yeah that's why I'm thinking the testosterone is doing it. I just hate this whole thing and am seeing a counselor for it. I have been for the last 2 years actually. I always figured an orgasm is an orgasm, regardless if it's with a woman or by yourself but I've been told otherwise.

I'll be honest, there was a woman that just moved in a few houses down and we met while out on a run one evening. Started talking, and of course she wanted to take it to the next level. It hurt almost more than anything I have felt before next to my divorce. She was perfect, feminine, intelligent, confident, absolutely gorgeous eyes, a smile that just warmed me. She was everything I would have had in my previous adventures as a girlfriend/wife. I started thinking that I have heard so many stories about women pulling the bait and switch on men and experienced it myself. So what did I do? I set her up with my friend. I can honestly say that woman made me feel ways that I had never felt before, but I just couldn't risk the damage that could have been and worrying about another relationship.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

No way to live. I wouldn't be able to leave my house if I thought of all the bad things that might happen to me in the world. You need to speak to someone to get over this hurt you are carrying around. Plenty of women in this world who will treat you like a king. You picked a bad apple.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Normally I think prostitutes are a bad idea, but in this case I wonder. 

Of course if you go that route you may find yourself in the position of having to explain to a partner that you frequented prostitutes, if the day comes when you want to date again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

richie33 said:


> No way to live. I wouldn't be able to leave my house if I thought of all the bad things that might happen to me in the world. You need to speak to someone to get over this hurt you are carrying around. Plenty of women in this world who will treat you like a king. You picked a bad apple.


I am fine when I'm working and my mind doesn't have the chance to think about sex. That's a key reason I work 12-15 hours per day. I do take time off for myself and to enjoy life. I love going on hikes with my dogs, and working on my cars. It's just getting old with the thoughts of sex no matter what I do. I'm not so much hurt "maybe I am on a subconscious level" as I just do not trust women and will not give them the ability to hurt me again. I don't want to have sex only to want it even more than now and wind back up at square 1.


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Normally I think prostitutes are a bad idea, but in this case I wonder.
> 
> Of course if you go that route you may find yourself in the position of having to explain to a partner that you frequented prostitutes, if the day comes when you want to date again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lol, no way a prostitute is an idea. I'm going to ask my counselor if there is anything they can give me to kill my drive. If I can get that back to where it was even 6 months ago I'll be great and able to control it better. I just don't like how I'm thinking lately.....

I mean is it REALLY that unhealthy for a man to go thru life with everything else except sex/female companion? I mean there are people that have no choice but to live a life of celibacy since they cannot find someone.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Stop working out....get a really big belly. I heard that's a sign of very low testosterone.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Really? You're going to waste 10 years in the prime of your sex life because you don't want the burden of a relationship? I could actually understand a few months, even a couple of years of no relations if you are focusing on your health, spiritual cleansing, and career, but 10 years?

There's no way I could justify that in my mind unless it were for religious reasons. That's 10 years you will NEVER get back. Men are not built to go that long without physical affection in my opinion. I've known women who can go forever without sex, but never a man.

To each his own, though. I think you'll live to regret that decision if you continue to deprive your natural desire. Just my opinion.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

You're fcking crazy. Go see a shrink. lol.


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

Luvher4life said:


> Really? You're going to waste 10 years in the prime of your sex life because you don't want the burden of a relationship? I could actually understand a few months, even a couple of years of no relations if you are focusing on your health, spiritual cleansing, and career, but 10 years?
> 
> There's no way I could justify that in my mind unless it were for religious reasons. That's 10 years you will NEVER get back. Men are not built to go that long without physical affection in my opinion. I've known women who can go forever without sex, but never a man.
> 
> To each his own, though. I think you'll live to regret that decision if you continue to deprive your natural desire. Just my opinion.


I just don't want to give a woman the tools to try and control me thru sex again. Seems like that's what they due from my past experiences. I'm in the prime of my life as far as the shape I'm in and my career as well. I don't see why it's important to take some of that energy and funnel it into a relationship. I'm just wanting to shut my drive down again but don't want to stop working out like stated above.......



GuyInColorado said:


> You're fcking crazy. Go see a shrink. lol.


Uh, thanks?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Not even a friend with benefits? 

Do you always think in a black or white manner?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Funny.

My career and sex life both appear to be fantastic.

In fact, the better my career is, the better sex I seem to have, which makes me happy, and better at work.


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

marduk said:


> Funny.
> 
> My career and sex life both appear to be fantastic.
> 
> In fact, the better my career is, the better sex I seem to have, which makes me happy, and better at work.


That's great to hear! :smile2:


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## helpthisguy86 (Jan 14, 2014)

soccermom2three said:


> Not even a friend with benefits?
> 
> Do you always think in a black or white manner?


None of the women I have started friendships with wanted that kind of relationship. To be honest it seems to me like fwb is EXTREMELY rare, especially around this area.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

helpthisguy86 said:


> I just don't want to give a woman the tools to try and control me thru sex again. Seems like that's what they due from my past experiences. I'm in the prime of my life as far as the shape I'm in and my career as well. I don't see why it's important to take some of that energy and funnel it into a relationship. I'm just wanting to shut my drive down again but don't want to stop working out like stated above.......


You let one woman use sex to control you, and you think that's the way it will be with all women? That's a very unhealthy outlook, and is something that is simply not true. She only controlled you because you LET HER. Yes, sex is a very powerful thing, but you have to respect YOURSELF enough to not let someone control you through it. Don't let that ONE woman ruin another ten years of your life! She is STILL controlling you, whether you admit it or not, in my opinion. Most women actually want a man who is a leader, and in control of their own drive.

It's great to step back and take inventory of yourself, get healthy, cleanse your spirit, and focus on career goals. I'm not faulting you for that at all, but to give up ten years of the prime of your sex life, years you will NEVER get back, just because you LET one woman control you through it? That's crazy!

Self-deprivation can be cleansing if used correctly, but I don't think you need to torture yourself. Get back on that horse, and take control of the reins. If you see somebody who you are attracted to, and the chemistry is there, don't hold back. Tell them what you're saying here, communicate your worries, stay in control at all times, and tap the brakes a little when you feel you are losing control of the reins. If you totally lose control, STOMP the brakes!:grin2:


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

He is on a journey to learn. Right now this is what he believes and wants. It's easy for those who are already healed to forget that healing takes time. I swore off of sex for nearly 2 years after my divorce. It's what I wanted at the time and I don't regret my decision.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You might want to investigate Sattvic food. It's the Ayurvedic system of eating to maintain your body in balance. If you eat a certain way your body will response accordingly. 

Also, it has to do with your exercising and testersone in your body. 

Our brain has a way of triggering obsessive thoughts when we try to deprive our selves of certain things. You cant have it, so you want it more. That's my relationship with cheese and bread, it calls to me.:crying:

You might also want to take up meditation to center and ground your thoughts. Become more Zen.

You are also a man in your prime. Your chemistry is looking to mate and procreate. Don't you want a little one like you in the world?>


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

You need therapy, you are way too insular.

Short of that go to Reddit and read the side bar in the asktrp subsection.

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

If you truly insist on this as a lifestyle, then I would suggest lots of meditation. Pick up some books on Stoicism and / or Buddhism. 

Learn to understand what you can control and what you can't. You can't control whether or not you get horny. You can control how you react to it. 

Similarly, you can't control whether or not a woman will attempt to use sex to control your relationship. You can control whether or not you'll continue to see her if she tries it.

Learn to set boundaries for yourself and others, and how to maintain those boundaries with vigilance.


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