# Separation Roller Coaster



## Mr.T (Jan 30, 2011)

My wife and I have been married for 8 years and up until Oct. I thought we were happy. In Oct, she said she wanted to put things on pause and think things out. I was hurt and confused at the time, but soon figured out that our married had turned into more of a business relationship than a romantic one. There were so many red flags that neither of us picked up on. We loved each other, but not in love really. 

At the beginning of Jan, we decided to separate. She had told me that she was not going to date herself, but wanted me to go out and find somebody to give me the things she didn't want to. She felt she hadn't been herself in years, and now wanted to take time for herself, to be herself. We are still friends and always will be; we don't hate each other and don't have any resentment to each other. 

When we officially separated, I was excited to get out there and find someone, to do the things I couldn't do in our marriage. I went out to a couple night clubs and found out hate them. I went on a couple online dating sites and soon closed those profiles. Now I have one online dating profile open for mainly just talking to people, not dating. I did meet someone who lives 4 hours away. I was there for work and will be up there once a month. It was meant to be a one night stand, but turned out to continue on as texting friends. We text each other throughout the day just and a phone call once in a while. She knows everything and what I am going through. 

But there’s a problem, my wife knows of her, but thinks I am rushing into things. As a friend, she is worried that I am going about this the wrong way. I understand that and see it myself but I am happy, I feel wanted for once, it keeps me busy, and the relationship is moving slow. If I were not talking to this girl, I get depressed, down, and would worry about all the problems I am facing. One good thing coming up is that I will be away from my wife and this girl for 3 months, only contact through phone calls and then when I come back, I will be moving out of the house to live alone. 

I don't feel guilty about talking to this girl, but feel like I am pushing my wife away even further. Last night my wife asked me if she wanted me back, would I take her back. In my heart of hearts, yes I would. I realized I am still in love with her. But is that wrong or twisted that I want my wife back while talking to another girl during our separation?



I know this is allot, but I feel good about putting it out there and getting some good feed back. I talk to guy friends about it and they want me to date more and thats not a good answer for me. My plan right now is to slow down, talk to this girl and try not to push my wife further away in hopes of maybe someday winning her back.


----------



## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

I think we make a lot of decisions when we are in pain, some good, some not so good. I would try to use extreme caution in doing anything that can't be taken back. Talking to someone, even a relative stranger isn't crossing that line, but how close to the line are you? Take that away time to really process what you want, then make a plan to try to have it happen.


----------



## Mr.T (Jan 30, 2011)

Thank you for your response, I have made the decision to not start any new "relationships" other than friendships. I know I need to figure things out and don't need too many distractions.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

I have the same thing really, a male friend who showed interest in me, he knows the situation I am in, and he hasn't pushed, but I am still in love with my Husband, even throughout all the pain he has caused me and my children. My H knows of this man, and I feel like he is jealous of him, he has brought him up in arguements that we've had, but I've only actually had dinner with this friend, nothing more. Because I want it to work with my husband I am just trying to take a step back from this other man, I don't want to hinder anything that could happen BUT my husband is still friends with the OW on facebook... (and he's not friends with me at all) 
And it really winds me up. He's told me nothings happening with her (as she lives on the other side of the world) but he did go other there... and sleep with her... He has said he doesn't know if he wants to make ago of it with me? He said he's not going to see other people, he wants to see how 'we go' am I wrong for being upset and angry that he is still in contact with her??


----------



## Mr.T (Jan 30, 2011)

I can tell you with me, my wife doesn't want to be with me anymore. I thought I as excited for the freedom, but I was only excited for a true answer on our relationship. I have seen met a couple people, but am always going back to the feelings, hurt and pain I have for my wife. I'm physically wanting to move on, but my feelings aren't there. 

It absolutely tears me up when my wife goes out with friends at night. I know guys are hitting on her, shes dancing with them and they're are exchanging numbers. She says thats all, I trust her but at the same time I know before she met me she had "friends with benefits". She says she doesn't want a relationship but has said jokingly if anything just to have sex with someone. This all tears me up because I know I still love her and I'm bitter and jealous that its not me with her doing these things. 

Whats weird though is that I can go out, find someone, get intimate and have no feelings of cheating or remorse from my wife. Maybe because I'm a guy, or I know she is OK with me "moving on".

I dont know how to deal with the feelings of my wife going out. I think the worst is happening even though we are separated, shes an adult and its now none of my business.


----------

