# Having a sad and bad day-Help please!



## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

No contact now for 15 days. In many ways it helps, but it also makes me so sad as he has not and I am sure will not ever contact me, as I made it clear I do not want to speak to him unless absoloutely necessary.

Been doing the garden and cutting the grass, it is a lovely sunny day. Sunday used to be our day. Jobs in the morning, go to walk the dog along the coast, a few beers in the afternnon-it was bliss. I wonder if he misses any of that.

It is not the OW (extent of I dont really know) that bothers me. It is just the realisation that what I thought was a pretty good marriage, he thought was rubbish. He has given up a lot, and my daughter says he looks sad when he visits when I am not here. That makes me feel good in one way, but sad in another as he seemed to love the life but not me!

I need to contact him to ask if I can borrow his car now and again to take my parents out, or get them here for dinner. They are elderly and infirmed and cannot cope with my 2 door car. Don't trust myself not to say more though. 

So many unanswered questions in my head which will have to stay unanswered, it drives me crazy. Everywhere I look to day seems to be families happy. He is working every hour to keep both our homes going. I want to know if it has been worth it. 

Any support very welcome!


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

I'm sorry you had such a bad Sunday, Reindeer. It's so hard when you think something is one way and the ex sees it in a totally different light. I guess we have to remember it has more to do with them and less to do with us, if that makes any sense. 

In a way it's good to have no contact because it gives you less opportunity to make an ass out of yourself (like I have on occasion) by breaking down and sobbing, etc.


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## nowthinkpositive (Jun 18, 2011)

Reindeer,
I am very sorry you are having a bad day. This process is so difficult, isn't it? It's not where we expected to be at this point in our lives.

I agree with you the hardest is when you are doing things that you used to do as a couple or as a family, but you are alone. Even every day things like yard work. If it makes you feel better many of us know exactly how you feel and we are sending you warm thoughts and support. We will try and get through this together! No matter how much you feel alone, you are NOT alone. You have your daughter and others who care about you. 

Unfortunately when HE gave all of this up he made you give it up too and it wasn't your choice. That is how I feel too. But, looking back, we will know that we were the ones who tried to make our families work, even though they did not. They are quitters!

It it sometimes easier to be apart and it does hurt when you make an ass out of yourself - I too have bcome a blubbering idiot when I swore I would be strong. Haven't we all? There is something so emotionally charged when former spouses (or soon to be ex's) get together - emotions are so high that it is hard to not break down. But, I tell myself I am not the idiot - he is - and years from now he will look back and realize how much support he was given over the years and how nice it was in our family dynamic with our son, and maybe, just maybe, he'll regret what he did. The OW will not look so good 10 years down the road when they are dealing with the same day-to-day issues everyone has to deal with. 

Best of luck to you and know that others care about you and understand what you are going through. I am so sorry for your sadness. Hang in there!


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

I would say to get involved with activities where you can give of yourself and feel like you are contributing to a worthy cause. Volunteer at a library or local school. Contact your local United Way. Serving others often helps us forget about ourselves and can help with the pain of going through a divorce. It also gives you something to look forward to. I also agree with the previous mentioned responses. Things will get better with time. The nature of going through a divorce will not necessarily get easier, but you as a woman will be stronger and better able to deal with this pain. Good luck!


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Reindeer-

I also have not had any contact with my H for almost 2 weeks now, and it is an emotional roller coaster. 

Just take one day at a time, one minute at a time if you have to, and just know you are not alone in your feelings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

reindeer:
It is very difficult at times especially when we look back at what was but must try to look forward.
I have my court date 7/19 and I was away but not missed only by my dog.
I am thinking of moving 200 miles because the job market is better. And perhaps, we may have a buyer for this house. 

And then I will have closure, finally. It is much easier when I don't see the person, this inhouse divorce is difficult. It feels like I am stuck.

But I must remember, to keep my sanity, that one door closes, I may be standing in the hall for now, but there is another door. It takes time to walk there.

Hang in there. Comfort yourself, use your support group, blog and share, share and share.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Thankyou so much everybody for being with me, and sharing in this situation. It really helps when people respond who can really understand (even if circumstances vary, the pain is stil the same).

Well I did get through yesterday, I went back to thinking of the things which he has done which have hurt me so much, and it seemed stupid to even want to contact him, even to borrow a car. Also if I did write some of my personal feelings, I don't think he would respond to those, so I thought about how bad *that* would make me feel, and decided I did not want to go there for sure! 

Also the one thing that keeps me sane is the house I love, and feel happy in. I think when my son moves out I may have to give it up, and that made me very angry towrds my husband. *Now I have strategies in place, things to think about the next time, that I want to speak to him, I will just bring to mind these things.* 

My daughter said he does not appear happy, and is was very tired again last night. That helped too!!

Riverside- my job is a carer. Although that is paid work, I take a lot of myself into the relationships I build with people in their own homes, and it does really help me get throuh the week, as I cannot think about myself when doing that sort of work. So I really don't want to do a caring sort of activity at the weekend. I just want to be happy in my own space, which as you say takes time,and I will be stronger-sothankyou. Perhaps I might think about a new activity for me, but it has to be inexpensive!

I hope the coming day will be a good one, or a bearable one for all of us. You and your thoughtful responses will be on my mind. Thankyou


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