# Difficult to Orgasm



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Hi, guys! Need your input on something.

No, this isn't about my difficulty to orgasm. I do just fine in that area. This is about Real Estate. The topic came up briefly in another thread a few months ago, and some of the guys here on TAM offered some valuable feedback/info, but of course I can't find that thread! So I'm going to post it here.

Real Estate has a very difficult time getting to orgasm. On one hand, it works in my favor, because he is like the Energizer Bunny when it comes to PIV--he can go for a very LONG time. But he can never orgasm via PIV, because I could never in a million years produce enough pressure myself to bring him to orgasm. So he always has to finish himself off manually. And even then it takes a really long time, and it can actually be very painful for him, and not in the good way. As in, sometimes I think he might pass out from the amount of effort he's exerting, and it just sounds painful.

I used to think that it had always been this way for him, but he told me the other day that it only has been like this for the past two years or so, since about a year before he met me.

I know this is frustrating for him, and he very badly wants to orgasm with me. He says he's come close a couple times. I did ask him a few months ago if he's seen a doctor about it, and he said his prostate has been checked, and it's fine.

In the other thread, one of you guys mentioned that there could be a blockage. So I mentioned this to him the last time he and I talked about it, and he sort of dismissed it.

But the topic came up again Monday. After about 30 mins of PIV and another 45 mins of masturbation, he finally has an orgasm. This was super frustrating for him, because (due to a houseguest and no doors) we hadn't had sex in 4 days and he hasn't masturbated in 2-3 days... for most men, under those circumstances, when the houseguest leaves, and you get to it, it happens pretty quick!

He remembered what I had said about potential blockage (he knew that info came from here), and he has asked me to see if I could find more information. I said he should just ask his doctor! But I said I would look into it. 

So, men of TAM, thoughts? Ideas where I could get more information?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

It takes me a while too, but not as bad as you describe above. I'd say yes to a urologist visit. Just to make sure.


----------



## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

How long does it take for him to finish when he is masturbating by himself?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I had the same problem several times, usually after long dry spells and porn. It just takes time, get him to avoid his hand so his willy gets used to being in a vagina which is the first step, and porn so he stops with his mental expectations. Just keep trying eventually it goes down from 2 hours to 1 hour, to 45 minutes, to 30 minutes, to 20 minutes - which is currently my best. Find out what turns him on the most and exploit that, make his head dizzy with lust, it takes alot of communication but he has to take charge in this case and be open about his triggers and turn offs. With GF and some past women it was like this in regards to triggers:

Attempt 1: +1 +1 +2 -5 -5 +1 +2 -5 *Turned off... Give up*
Attempt 2: +1 +1 +2 +2 +3 +3 +2 +2 +1 +1 *Bored... give up*
Attempt 3: +1 +1 +2 +2 +3 +3 +2 +2 +3 +3 *Hour later* ... "I'm sore!" *Give up*
Attempt 4: +2 +2 +4 +4 +3 +3 +5 +5 +2 +2 +3 +3 +2 +2 +3 +3 +10 *Kaboom*

So yeah, takes patience, communication and just takes time. Start getting used to multiples and appreciate it while it lasts, now GF only has 3 or 4 compared to the 7 to 10 she used to have when I was an "energizer bunny"


----------



## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Anal usually does the trick...


----------



## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Herschel said:


> Anal usually does the trick...


Only if @FeministInPink has a strap on... >


----------



## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

How old is he? Overall general health? Circumcised? Penile sensitivity? Any bad habits? 

Personally, I think the first step is to go to a doctor and get a thorough physical and a complete blood screen, including checking testosterone levels. It's always best to rule out any physiological reason for anorgasmia (the technical term for his condition).


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Sorry, I don't remember the original thread. 

Since he can orgasm from masturbation, it seems less likely to be a physical problem. Does he ejaculate normally?

Is he on any medications?

The following is assuming it not physical, but of course it might be. 

Delayed ejaculation is not talked about nearly as much as ED, but its quite common. Its a problem I've had on and off over the years. Some thoughts:

Like ED, stress makes it worse, so the first thing is for you not to act disappointed if it doesn't happen. 

Too much masturbation. Could he be in a latch-up where he can't finish any other way, so he has trained himself to only O from masturbation?

Is there anything sexual he wants but isn't getting? (whether or not its reasonable). Something he may have suggested once but is too embarrassed to ask for again? 

Too much stimulation can be numbing. You might try doing everything except touching his penis until he is very aroused. 

Maybe try reverse psychology once? Play a game where he has to try not to O - or face some (not serous of course) punishment. Then tease him for a while before trying to get him off. 

You can use more extreme methods (vibrator on his penis, prostate stimulation etc), but while those may work, they may defeat the idea of his having an O during lovemaking.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Enlarged prostate - which can occur simply by having a sitting job - blocks you so there is a delay in orgasm (at least in my experience).

If he's not always fully emptying his bladder (and he won't tell you but may be frustrated and change underwear without you knowing) that's a sign. If he has enlarged prostate he can slow down and wait to be sure he empties - it's just a change he has to make

Also he could be on antidepressants and you may be unaware of that. I started and was told of anorgasmia - the Inability or difficulty to get there - and my dr said she can change meds if that happens. You could tell him there are some medications that cause this and can be changed to others with different mechanisms (dopamine vs serotonin ). Researching this just now I find that the affects may not reverse themselves even after discontinuing the SSRI. There appear to be treatments that might reverse it, however. So even if he took an SSRI I. The past he could still have issues that require a doctors attention


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Thanks for the responses, guys. I'll try to address as much as possible.



DayOne said:


> It takes me a while too, but not as bad as you describe above. I'd say yes to a urologist visit. Just to make sure.


 @DayOne The above referenced example was extreme, even for him. But normally it does take him far longer than what I know to be "normal" range. I will continue to encourage him to visit a doctor.



Tex X said:


> How long does it take for him to finish when he is masturbating by himself?


 @Tex X How long varies. Sometimes he can finish himself (no involvement from me) in as little in 10-15 mins.



RandomDude said:


> I had the same problem several times, usually after long dry spells and porn. It just takes time, get him to avoid his hand so his willy gets used to being in a vagina which is the first step, and porn so he stops with his mental expectations. Just keep trying eventually it goes down from 2 hours to 1 hour, to 45 minutes, to 30 minutes, to 20 minutes - which is currently my best. Find out what turns him on the most and exploit that, make his head dizzy with lust, it takes alot of communication but he has to take charge in this case and be open about his triggers and turn offs. With GF and some past women it was like this in regards to triggers:
> ....
> 
> So yeah, takes patience, communication and just takes time. Start getting used to multiples and appreciate it while it lasts, now GF only has 3 or 4 compared to the 7 to 10 she used to have when I was an "energizer bunny"


 @RandomDude He generally prefers my vagina to his hand. The pattern I've noticed is that the more frequently he is stimulated (either by me, or by himself), it is EASIER and faster for him to climax. He has commented that it feels like there's something physical (internal) blocking him. When he avoids his hand, the problem is exacerbated. The exact opposite of what one might think.

We are very open with our communication, so I know quite well what his turn-ons are 



DayOne said:


> Herschel said:
> 
> 
> > Anal usually does the trick...
> ...


 @DayOne Regarding the strap on... We did that once! He really needs to be in the zone for that, and he feels very vulnerable when doing that, but he trusts me. He's only ever done that with one other woman (his XW), so it's a BFD that he asked me, and he was very happy afterward. It was very intense for him, and QUICK. I couldn't believe how quick it happened that time. But that's not a realistic solution, because a) he really needs to be in a very specific mood for that, and b) it's not very satisfying for me. I'm happy to do it for him, because his pleasure is important to him, but the solution needs to be satisfying for both parties. 

He does enjoy prostate stimulation sometimes, so sometimes I'll do that during oral, but that pretty impossible during PIV.

But I think @Herschel was talking about anal with me? We haven't gotten there yet. I've never tried it, but I'm curious, so we are slowly working our way up to it. Eventually.



Luvher4life said:


> How old is he? Overall general health? Circumcised? Penile sensitivity? Any bad habits?
> 
> Personally, I think the first step is to go to a doctor and get a thorough physical and a complete blood screen, including checking testosterone levels. It's always best to rule out any physiological reason for anorgasmia (the technical term for his condition).


RE is 48. I don't know of any major health issues, but he has gained a significant amount of weight (~35# or so) over the last few years. I should have mentioned in my initial post that he has had some intermittent ED issues, which are more about KEEPING the erection... getting it started is not a problem, but sometimes keeping it going is problematic. But that hasn't been a big issue in recent months--I think some of that was psychological. But I do think the extra weight may have something to do with both the ED and the anorgasmia. (Thanks for the technical term, that will help with my research.) He was a little shocked last year when he went to rent a Halloween costume, and they had to weigh him... he was much heavier than he expected, and he's put on a little more since then. I've noticed it, but didn't say anything until... he realized last week that none of his shorts from last summer fit. So we've agreed that we're going to work together to get into better shape beginning in early July. (Well, I'm going to start earlier, I've decided, but he has a lot of stuff going on right now with work, and we're going to kinky/sex camp at the end of this month, and he's moving apartments on July 1-2, so... he's waiting.)

He does have some acid reflux/GI tract issues; when he eats healthily, these subside; when he eats junk, they get worse. He vacillates in regard to diet as much as the average person, I suppose.

I'm not sure how to gauge penile sensitivity? He may be under-sensitive, I guess? He enjoys ball stretching, and he has a penis pump that he uses sometimes. He's told me that his penis has been abused quite a bit over the course of his life.

He drinks, not excessively or to the point where I'd be concerned about a dependency problem, but I have known him to get drunk/tipsy on occasion. He's actually cut down his consumption since we've been together, since I don't drink that much. He is a regular toker, but that seems to help with the problem rather than exacerbate it, from what I've observed. But I do have some concern regarding the smoking potentially causing pulmonary issues. And he doesn't exercise. So those would be his bad habits.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

uhtred said:


> Sorry, I don't remember the original thread.
> 
> Since he can orgasm from masturbation, it seems less likely to be a physical problem. Does he ejaculate normally?
> 
> ...


The original thread wasn't mine, it was someone else's thread and it went a little off-topic for a few posts.

--he ejaculates pretty normally, though he doesn't really "shoot" the way you see in porn. Sometimes he'll shoot a little bit (like a couple inches), but sometimes he doesn't shoot any distance. Honestly, I don't know what's considered normal trajectory, since past partners have always finished while inside me, so porn is all I have to go on. But the amount looks normal to me. The consistency and color is normal.
--no regular medications, but he has taken a little blue pill on occasion

I know this can be a sensitive subject, so I normalize it as much as I can, and make sure he knows that I'm not disappointed and very pleased with his performance as a partner. And I really am. The delay means that he can go for a long time, which makes me happy.

He does masturbate a lot, but it seems like sometimes it's easier for him to orgasm when he masturbates regularly, than if he abstains. But it is possible that he's trained himself to only orgasm from masturbation.

I don't think there's anything sexual he's not getting. We are very open to discussing sex and trying new things... I'm the most open, kink-positive woman he's been with. I'm the first partner he's had who's really met his sexual needs, so I think we are good in this arena. And he knows he can ask me for pretty much anything, and I him. We have a lot of fun with this.

We may have to try a little sensory deprivation. We've talked about getting him a penis cage, but we haven't actually bought one yet, because we haven't found one that's quite right yet. Our local sex shop carries a few, but they're all really novelty items. Our local shop (as most local shops are) doesn't carry good quality BDSM stuff--it's all novelty items directed towards the Shades of Grey crowd--and the on-site vendors at our local BDSM clubs don't carry what we're looking for either, because their stock is limited. There will be some good vendors at kinky camp, so we've decided to see what we can find there.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Enlarged prostate - which can occur simply by having a sitting job - blocks you so there is a delay in orgasm (at least in my experience).
> 
> If he's not always fully emptying his bladder (and he won't tell you but may be frustrated and change underwear without you knowing) that's a sign. If he has enlarged prostate he can slow down and wait to be sure he empties - it's just a change he has to make
> 
> Also he could be on antidepressants and you may be unaware of that. I started and was told of anorgasmia - the Inability or difficulty to get there - and my dr said she can change meds if that happens. You could tell him there are some medications that cause this and can be changed to others with different mechanisms (dopamine vs serotonin ). Researching this just now I find that the affects may not reverse themselves even after discontinuing the SSRI. There appear to be treatments that might reverse it, however. So even if he took an SSRI I. The past he could still have issues that require a doctors attention.


I think you might be onto something with the enlarged prostate! He does spend a lot of time sitting, and we had a conversation about urination about a week ago (I won't go into details, because it's really not that interesting) that leads me to think that this is a strong possibility. Are there any treatments for an enlarged prostate? Can it be mitigated by more physical activity?

He's not taking any antidepressants or any other medications, so that wouldn't be it. The man doesn't hide ANYTHING from me, he is very honest and open about everything.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> --he ejaculates pretty normally, though he doesn't really "shoot" the way you see in porn. Sometimes he'll shoot a little bit (like a couple inches), but sometimes he doesn't shoot any distance. Honestly, I don't know what's considered normal trajectory, since past partners have always finished while inside me, so porn is all I have to go on. But the amount looks normal to me. The consistency and color is normal.


There really isn't any "normal" here. Every man is different and even the same man will achieve different "distance" from one episode to the next. 

Many men are natural "point guards" (they dribble more than they shoot!). 

I wouldn't read too much into this aspect of performance, unless you saw a sudden, big change in this area.


----------



## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

A couple things:

First, I got an email stating, "FeministinPink mentioned you in Difficult to Orgasm". Man, took the wind out of my sails when I saw that...

Second,


> But I think @Herschel was talking about anal with me? We haven't gotten there yet. I've never tried it, but I'm curious, so we are slowly working our way up to it. Eventually.


Yeah, I think he was just joking regarding that. Never tried it? Well, I guess it isn't for everyone, but it was always a sure-fire tactic for me to finish and is just about the best method of birth control I can think of.

Good luck to you.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

FeministInPink said:


> He generally prefers my vagina to his hand. The pattern I've noticed is that the more frequently he is stimulated (either by me, or by himself), it is EASIER and faster for him to climax. He has commented that it feels like there's something physical (internal) blocking him. When he avoids his hand, the problem is exacerbated. The exact opposite of what one might think.
> 
> We are very open with our communication, so I know quite well what his turn-ons are


Well, this is my experience: I also prefer a vagina to my hand, however it didn't matter what I preferred when my body became used to the stimulation of the hand compared to the stimulation and physical exertions that comes with actually having sex. He must avoid the hand. I told myself the same thing he's saying too, that I needed the hand, and initially with past dates after divorce, result: lots of handjobs! But it didn't help one bit. With current GF tried something new, and it worked! Now I'm back as a lean mean ramming machine!!! 

So despite what he's telling himself - and you - actually it's a reliance on the hand which is blocking. But this is just my experience, let him know and he can decide. Tell him my advice: Just try it for a few weeks. No hand, just PIV.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> He does masturbate a lot, but it seems like sometimes it's easier for him to orgasm when he masturbates regularly, than if he abstains. But it is possible that he's trained himself to only orgasm from masturbation.


I was not going to post here. I have recently re-gained some of my earlier supporters and I continually keep them off balance and a-jitter. They are afraid to give me a "like". :surprise:

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................

I see a number of issues:

The prostate needs looking at. Others have pointed this out.

Masturbation produces a much more "violent" action on the nerves that control ejaculation. And yes, masturbation changes the nerve/rhythm expectations. Your hand can move much faster than your hips.

Having a softer penis during intercourse dampens the jolts to the appropriate nerves. A soft peter acts like a shock absorber...not something you need to shake the salt shaker.

Having a rock hard penis is a big asset....pun intended! It transmits the motion to those same nerves.

*Not having a lot of semen in his testicles and prostate is likely one of his biggest problems. If he is loaded with juice, as he was when a teenager, it demands release.* Also, that prostate holds most of the skeeters juice. If it is enlarged or swollen, the Vas Deferens seminal vesicles could be semi-blocked.

Does he have lower back nerve issues? Or damage to the nerves that feed that area. Has he had severe hernia surgery. Were nerves might have been nicked?


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Well, this is my experience: I also prefer a vagina to my hand, however it didn't matter what I preferred when my body became used to the stimulation of the hand compared to the stimulation and physical exertions that comes with actually having sex. He must avoid the hand. I told myself the same thing he's saying too, that I needed the hand, and initially with past dates after divorce, result: lots of handjobs! But it didn't help one bit. With current GF tried something new, and it worked! Now I'm back as a lean mean ramming machine!!!
> 
> So despite what he's telling himself - and you - actually it's a reliance on the hand which is blocking. But this is just my experience, let him know and he can decide. Tell him my advice: Just try it for a few weeks. No hand, just PIV.


This makes sense. I will tell him this was recommended by the men here. He might be more amenable to foregoing the hand if he knows the recommendation is coming from other men!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> I was not going to post here. I have recently re-gained some of my earlier supporters and I continually keep them off balance and a-jitter. They are afraid to give me a "like". :surprise:
> 
> ..............................................................................................................................................................................................................
> 
> ...


Good info, thank you. I'm glad you posted. The "violence" on the nerves makes a lot of sense.

As far as I'm aware, no back issues or surgery, so I don't think that's an issue.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Herschel said:


> A couple things:
> 
> First, I got an email stating, "FeministinPink mentioned you in Difficult to Orgasm". Man, took the wind out of my sails when I saw that...
> 
> ...


Sorry about that!

I don't know if anal is for me, but I'm willing to give it a try... eventually...

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> There really isn't any "normal" here. Every man is different and even the same man will achieve different "distance" from one episode to the next.
> 
> Many men are natural "point guards" (they dribble more than they shoot!).
> 
> I wouldn't read too much into this aspect of performance, unless you saw a sudden, big change in this area.


Good to know. Like I said, my observation of other men in this area are limited, but someone asked, so I answered the question.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Ask him if he'd be willing to entertain a prostate massage. If he has an enlarged prostate, that could help. And if he doesn't---it still might help.


----------



## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

At 48, weight gain and a sedentary job can wreak havoc on your body for sure. Also, the testosterone levels get lower and lower as men age. T levels cause an adverse effects on libido and sensitivity.

Someone mentioned an enlarged prostate. That's definitely something else that could cause what feels like a blockage. I didn't think about that one, but that is a definite possibility, maybe even likely at his age.

The FIRST thing he needs to do is go to the doctor and get a complete physical exam, and a complete blood screen. If nothing else, it will rule out any physiological problems causing it. From what you've described, I have a tendency to believe that he has a health issue that needs treating. It's probably nothing serious, but any health problem needs to be identified and treated as soon as possible.

High blood pressure, diabetes, prostatitis, low testosterone, etc., are all things that can be treated, and in my opinion, should be treated.

Does he have a phobia about doctors? Everybody should go to the doctor at least once a year after hitting 40 years of age.


----------



## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> Hi, guys! Need your input on something.
> 
> No, this isn't about my difficulty to orgasm. I do just fine in that area. This is about Real Estate. The topic came up briefly in another thread a few months ago, and some of the guys here on TAM offered some valuable feedback/info, but of course I can't find that thread! So I'm going to post it here.
> 
> ...




Alrighty, medical field here! Ok so he had his prostate checked, when? Check it again. What medications is he on? That can seriously mess with both ED and this condition. Urologist appointment should be made, blood work for testosterone levels should be done. This could also be a masturbation problem. If he did so frequently, this may make it difficult, but if stopping the masturbation for a period of time and just concentrating on PIV doesn't work, it's probably a physical issue. Ask him about something he's always wanted to try in the bedroom but hasn't, that may get him so aroused there won't be an issue. That's not a long term solution however. I'm betting it's physical or medication induced though.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Baseballmom6 (Aug 15, 2012)

FIP, thanks for bringing this topic up. It's something I have been concerned about with my guy of 2-1/2 years. I have just started dancing around the subject since I know it's probably a sensitive subject for him. I chalked it up to him satisfying himself during a 7 year abstinence from sex but I really have no idea. Like me he was married for 27 years. His divorce was very hard on him so he didn't date at all during that time (except with his 2 classic Mopars that he restored while getting his head together). 

Thanks to your posts and the replies I now have some questions I can ask him to bring this subject up in a better way. 

I hope you and RE have a really great time at your sex retreat!


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Ask him if he'd be willing to entertain a prostate massage. If he has an enlarged prostate, that could help. And if he doesn't---it still might help.


I know my man. He would DEFINITELY entertain that idea. He would not protest at all.



Luvher4life said:


> At 48, weight gain and a sedentary job can wreak havoc on your body for sure. Also, the testosterone levels get lower and lower as men age. T levels cause an adverse effects on libido and sensitivity.
> 
> Someone mentioned an enlarged prostate. That's definitely something else that could cause what feels like a blockage. I didn't think about that one, but that is a definite possibility, maybe even likely at his age.
> 
> ...


No doctor phobia. He goes to the dentist every 6 months like clockwork and gets an annual physical--if I recall correctly, he should have one coming up in the next few months, because I remember his last one (just that he had one, no details). I know he didn't talk to his doctor about this last time, and I did admonish him a little bit at the time, but I didn't press the issue.

Testosterone may be an issue, but there's certainly no loss of libido. He's horny pretty much all the time--the only thing that seems to dampen his libido is stress and exhaustion. But still worth doing the test. (If this is a culprit, I can't wait to see what his libido is like when his T levels are higher!!!)

Given the weight over the last few years, HBP and diabetes or pre-diabetes is definitely a possibility, and if they are, should be treated regardless. I want to keep him around!



Remee81 said:


> Alrighty, medical field here! Ok so he had his prostate checked, when? Check it again. What medications is he on? That can seriously mess with both ED and this condition. Urologist appointment should be made, blood work for testosterone levels should be done. This could also be a masturbation problem. If he did so frequently, this may make it difficult, but if stopping the masturbation for a period of time and just concentrating on PIV doesn't work, it's probably a physical issue. Ask him about something he's always wanted to try in the bedroom but hasn't, that may get him so aroused there won't be an issue. That's not a long term solution however. I'm betting it's physical or medication induced though.


I can't say when, just the previous time we talked about it (a few months ago), he just said it had been checked, and was fine. So it could be his most recent check-up, it could be 5 yrs ago. Definitely needs to be checked again.

He's not on any medications, so we can rule that out, except for the occasional Viagra when he has performance issues, which he's taken maybe 5-6 times in the 14 months we've been together, and none in the last 5-6 months. (And no, he's not hiding any medications from me. We've extensively discussed medical history.)

I think masturbation is playing a big role in this, too. from what I'm reading here and as I consider the specifics, I think it's a combination of physical and masturbation.



Baseballmom6 said:


> FIP, thanks for bringing this topic up. It's something I have been concerned about with my guy of 2-1/2 years. I have just started dancing around the subject since I know it's probably a sensitive subject for him. I chalked it up to him satisfying himself during a 7 year abstinence from sex but I really have no idea. Like me he was married for 27 years. His divorce was very hard on him so he didn't date at all during that time (except with his 2 classic Mopars that he restored while getting his head together).
> 
> Thanks to your posts and the replies I now have some questions I can ask him to bring this subject up in a better way.
> 
> I hope you and RE have a really great time at your sex retreat!


Yeah, RE was single for 7 years before he met me. He'd had a few casual/one-time sex partners at best, so it was mostly 7 years of masturbation. Similarly, RE's divorce was very hard on him and he didn't date, either--but he and his XW were only married for a few years, together a total of 10. I wonder if this is a common problem for men who abstain from dating after a divorce?

We are gonna have so much fun! We're already coming up with ideas


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Encourage him to close his eyes and engage in a fantasy about you. Make sure he's in a comfortable position where the rest of his body is relaxed, i.e. not exerting a lot of effort propping himself up with his arms, or kneeling, or whatever.


----------



## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

RandomDude said:


> Well, this is my experience: I also prefer a vagina to my hand, however it didn't matter what I preferred when my body became used to the stimulation of the hand compared to the stimulation and physical exertions that comes with actually having sex. He must avoid the hand. I told myself the same thing he's saying too, that I needed the hand, and initially with past dates after divorce, result: lots of handjobs! But it didn't help one bit. With current GF tried something new, and it worked! Now I'm back as a lean mean ramming machine!!!
> 
> So despite what he's telling himself - and you - actually it's a reliance on the hand which is blocking. But this is just my experience, let him know and he can decide. Tell him my advice: Just try it for a few weeks. No hand, just PIV.


I concur, have him go 4 weeks without any stimulation from his hand. Eliminate all pornography as well. The only stimulation he should be receiving should be from you (not your hand, though). If he can't finish, then no masturbating on his part, he'll have to wait till next time. The goal is to de-program his brain and body. If he continues using his hand, then he's defeating the purpose of the whole exercise.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I agree with others sounds like he needs a doctor checkup. Maybe something with th prostate or low T? Hope he gets things on the right track. Life is too short to not be having such great sex with a willing partner


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Have him get his PSA level checked. It could save his life.


----------



## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

BioFury said:


> I concur, have him go 4 weeks without any stimulation from his hand. Eliminate all pornography as well. The only stimulation he should be receiving should be from you (not your hand, though). If he can't finish, then no masturbating on his part, he'll have to wait till next time. The goal is to de-program his brain and body. If he continues using his hand, then he's defeating the purpose of the whole exercise.


This is worth trying. However, given your description, the extreme amount of delay sometimes, and particularly his age and recent weight gain - don't pin your hope to much on this being the explanation. He is really right at the perfect age where there is likely to be a physical explanation, maybe slightly early but that is actually a bigger reason to talk to the doctor.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

syhoybenden said:


> Have him get his PSA level checked. It could save his life.


What is PSA? 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Remee81 (May 24, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> What is PSA?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk




PSA, or Prostate-specific antigen is a protein that is measured to help identify problems with the prostate such as benign enlargement or cancer or the prostate.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Remee81 said:


> PSA, or Prostate-specific antigen is a protein that is measured to help identify problems with the prostate such as benign enlargement or cancer or the prostate.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Thank you!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

FIP, you mentioned his (past or present) frequent masturbation. There could be a more physiological issue at hand here, and he should see a doctor to eliminate those possibilities, however I dated two men with the exact same issue who were very frequent masturbators. With one it felt like he needed a jackhammer to get off! I seriously worried that I was hurting him because it was like I was going to rip his member off. 

Although it was after we dated, he told me he discovered the "no fap" way of life (Google it) and after a few months regained his sensitivity. I suspect his next gf reaped the benefits, but if there's no other medical reason, you could see if he's willing to try a no masturbation period. Maybe that means refrain from sex too, which you probably don't want, but the tension could build that way.


----------

