# Paranoid or Justified



## LovingConcerned (Dec 14, 2009)

My wife and I have been in a relationship for the past 9 1/2 years and are going through a very rocky time right now. Just over a month ago my wife told me she was no longer in love with me and was not sure that she wanted to pursue our relationship any further. She always wants to run when we get in an argument or a fight so I was not extremely surprised to hear hear say she was not sure if she wanted to pursue our relationship anymore. It's her self defense mechanism. Since that point in time we have both made the decision that we want to pursue counselling and try to work through our differences but not till the new year due to lack of funding. Since that point in time she also stated that she needed space and wanted to make some friends (recently moved to a new town.) Which she now has, a group of mostly single guys and a cousin of hers. She has been hanging out with them a fair bit especially one guy in particular. They have been going out to night clubs then proceeding to after parties and not returning home until 500am or later. I have a major issue with this and their relationship. I do trust my wife and I do not think that she is having sexual relations with him, but I do find myself wondering. I am very concerned about the emotional part of their relationship, she is taking it way to far and way out of my comfort zone. Do I have the right to be concerned and if so how do I address it with her so she will understand? I already know her response is going to be that she is not doing anything wrong and that she would never cheat on me she just wants friends. How do I explain to her that it's more about the way that she is treating me right now or not treating me then it is necessarily to do with her friendship? I need to be the first priority in her life besides her and our son. I don't know what to do but I can't handle it any longer please help.


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## Harvard (Aug 11, 2009)

Dude I gotta be honest here. To assume she is not intimate with this guy when out until 5am is ignorant on your part. She played the "honest" card on you when she admitted she doesn't love you anymore. She is free from guilt now and is just doing what makes her happy, living life like she was single again. Sorry but if she cared about saving your marriage her behavior would be very different.


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## alone in love (Nov 10, 2009)

You are justified - not paranoid. Staying out all night is a big red flag. I don't think you can wait for the new year for counseling. She may be too far gone with this other guy by then.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Yeah this is pretty far gone I think. I would be stunned if she wasn't having sex with him. Just stunned.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

She may want to save the marriage, but she wants to act single at the same time. All I need to see is "nightclub" and "5AM" in the same post and I go rabid. Add "boyfriend" (which you did, you may just not know it) and you've got some serious trouble.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

I'm not going to go as far as saying 'she is definately cheating blah blah' but yes, it's odd, it's improper and you're justified. What are you doing in the meantime? Are YOU going out to clubs with friends till 5? Maybe you should start doing that too! She obviously is missing excitement in her life, perhaps that's why she said she's not in love anymore. As in 'this relationship isn't exciting at all anymore'. Why not become more exciting? It wouldn't necesarily be for her, you need to have fun and enjoy life too.


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## JMAN777 (Dec 4, 2009)

Same issue with my wife with the all night deals but supposedly it's with her coworkers (girlfriends). Red flag.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

LovingConcerned said:


> They have been going out to night clubs then proceeding to after parties and not returning home until 500am or later. I have a major issue with this.



You SHOULD have a major issue with this. How in the **** is it that married people think it is appropriate to act this way? I WOULD ask how it is that spouses allow it to go on, but I know there is a MASSIVE opinion out there that you can't smother your spouse. That if you forbid this kind of crap, your'e a jealous, conrolling Neanderthal **** THAT. This bull**** needs to stop NOW!!


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Yeah yeah, red flag, red flag. We all agree on that. Yes, controlling your spouse is annoying. It's not so much the opinion of other people that counts. What counts is that most people, probably including you, get annoyed and tend to pull away when they have to deal with jealousy and controlling or restrictive behaviour.

So for short, it's a bad approach. People need to find another one.


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