# Am I crazy or is she cheating?



## Hubby12 (Jan 5, 2012)

My wife and I were having problems in our marriage for many years. And then one day she threw me out of the house. She started going out almost every night drinking with a group of friends from her work. She worked in the athletic department at a State University so it was a male dominated work environment, so most of the people she was going out with were men. What could I do, nothing we were separated.

Then after a few months we started talking and she wanted me back, I considered the idea of getting back with her but I had concerns that she was going out a lot with other men, she said that I had nothing to worry about. I told her that I could get over my insecurities if I could go out with her and meet these people that she has been partying with. She agreed and we got back together.

The day never came, I never went out to meet this group of people. I asked her several times when we would go out with her friends and she always had some excuse, it bothered me and I became suspicious. But our relationship was better that ever, she was very loving and did not go out with this group anymore. I asked her not to go out anymore without me and she agreed.

But because she never lived up to her end of the bargain I had a suspicion that more was going on during the time we were separated. Out of pure jealousy and fear of losing her again I started investigating the situation myself.

When she was not around one day I went through her phone and found some surprising text messages to her from another man, I will refer to him as Jake. Some of them were from the time we were separated, but most of them were during the time when we were back together. They all were about the same, them making plans to go out and have a few drink, and them both proclaiming there love for one another.

This is one of the messages that took place while we were spending the entire day together, we were in another state together. She was with me when I was on a job working, she was kinda mad at me because I was taking longer than expected to finish up the job and that messed up some of our plans for the day. I saw that she was texting someone a lot and asked her who it was, she said it was one of her friends that lived in the state that we were currently in. But she was lying, she was texting Jake(I know because all the texts have the date and time) Here it is-

Her- What are you doing honey I miss you we need to go and have a beer sometime next week.
Him- Miss u too. After weds would be good.
Her-Let me know when we can go and I will be there, honey remember I am here for u when you
need me love ya
Him- I love you too. I am here for you too. Thx
Her- U r the best of the best honey.
Him- Awwwww. You are soo sweet.
Her- It is the truth honey you are a great person and I want the best for you honey
Him- And I want the same for you. It breaks my heart to see you struggle with life.
Her-I am sorry for being a bad friend but I am busy with work, you know
Her-Life is life honey we can only go day by day
Him- SO true...and please dont apologize. I have been busy too.
Her- I know never meant for it to be that way, u are always in my thoughts honey
Him- We are both good people. And understand each other. No matter what, thats what I love about you
Her- I love you too honey
Him- Ditto.....going to bed now. Ttyl.
Her- Me too good night honey.
END

The messages were never any worse than that but that was enough to crush my heart, I was devastated. I wanted to confront her but first I wanted to dig a little deeper.
I searched both of her phones and found other messages from another guy that I know from her work, I will refer to him as Lou, he had become a family friend and I even liked the guy.

Some of the messages were sexually suggestive, and a lot of texts of him asking her to go out with him. I searched his facebook wall and found a message from a person that worked with the two of them and here it is - “sup buuudddyyyy...long time no speak. whatcha been doing besides betty?” Betty is my wife- thats not her real name but that is the name I am going to use here.

Now I am 100% insane, but I still wanted to find out everything I could before confronting her, and it was not easy holding it in.

I investigated Jake and found out he worked in the same building with my wife. I tried to track him down but had no luck. But I did know his name, where he worked and found pictures of him on a google search. But I couldn't find much more that.

I took pictures of all the text messages and screen shots of the Facebook messages and printed them out and asked my wife to go out and have a few drinks with me. When the time was right I whipped them out and confronted her, she was blown away. Then she got angry at me for going through her phones, and walked out. I picked her up walking down the street and we went home together and discussed it.

She told me that Jake was gay and that there was nothing between them. And with Lou there was nothing between them either, they were just friends and she does not know why there workmate would have left that facebook message, and that the sexually suggestive messages were just a joke, they had never been intimate.

I just could not believe her, I asked her to call him while I secretly listened in to put my mind at ease, but she would not, so I called Jake and confronted him. He did not want to talk and hung up on me, he then called my wife back and told her that if I ever called him again that he would call the cops on me for harassment. She stuck to her story that he is gay and that I am crazy for even being suspicious. She was angry at me and apologized for nothing. Then I called Lou and asked him about the facebook message from there workmate, and the texts, he also swore there was nothing to worry about. I told him that I do not want him to ask her out anymore and he said he would not. Everyone denied everything.

I don't know why but I wanted to believe her, I asked her to never contact Jake again and delete him as a facebook friend. She was offended at my request but after a few months of continuous arguing she finally did delete him as a friend. I also asked my wife to call her workmate while I secretly listen in and ask him why he left the message on Lou’s facebook wall “sup buuudddyyyy...long time no speak. whatcha been doing besides betty? she refused but also after a few months she did, and he said he did not mean anything by it, but by then they could have discussed the situation . 

Lou has asked my wife to go out several times since he said he would not. Betty still acts angry over the whole matter, and she says she learned her lesson, she does not text anymore. When I check her phone I still see that they call each other often. Her excuse is that they work together, they do both work for the same University but now he works in a different department.

Recently I had to go away for business for a few weeks, when I got back I checked her phone and Lou and my wife had made many phone calls back and forth to each other. I also found a message to her from him that was sent at 11pm that only says “What ya doing?” I can only imagine that it was followed up by a phone call from her.

Betty and I have kids together, so I am trying to believe in her and trust her. She just gets angry about it. She tells me that I am a crazy and overly jealous and I need to get help. Some days I feel that I am crazy, and other day I feel like everyone knows the truth but me and I feel like a fool.

I suppose it is possible that she did nothing wrong, but she does nothing to convince me of that. She has not taken any steps to convince me that nothing happened. 

So I wrote this to get other opinions, am I crazy? am I just over reacting? is she cheating on me? What do you think?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

You're not crazy.
She's having sex with other men and trying to put the blame back on you because your "crazy".

Time to move on, bro.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Wow, what a big lie she told you.

I agree with DanF, time to move on.

It looks like she has moved on without you, she is definatly having an affair on you. Both emotionally and physically. There is nothing wrong with going through her phone or emails for that matter. Both hubby and I have access to everything. Neither one of us has anything to hide. Our passwords are written down next to the computer, even our kids can have access if they knew what they were doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

"Am I crazy or is she cheating?" Really man? What else does she need to do, take out a billboard? Of course she's cheating. Get on with dealing with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

read what you wrote.
now suppose your brother wrote it.
not hard to see from the outside.


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

You should PM a moderator (e.g. Deejo or Amplexor) to get this moved to the Coping with Infidelity forum. That place is filled with people who have gone through exactly what you have. They'll be able to give you some good advice.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

You have to face it - yes, she's cheating. What, do you need to walk in on her boffing someone else to believe it? You are not crazy, and she's a serial cheater by the sounds of it. Move on.


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## Hubby12 (Jan 5, 2012)

I know it seems very obvious what is happening, I just have no one to talk to about this. All of your comments are very helpful. All my doubt and denial is quickly disappearing. Thanks


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

dymo said:


> You should PM a moderator (e.g. Deejo or Amplexor) to get this moved to the Coping with Infidelity forum. That place is filled with people who have gone through exactly what you have. They'll be able to give you some good advice.


:iagree:

This. Lots of good advice to help you get through this and move on with your life, whether it includes her or not. I am sorry you are in this situation.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

man, sorry you are here, yeah she is checked out and completely invested in her sexual/romantic relationship with this other guy. The only question about her that matters to you is what she is getting out of her continuing association with you so you can cut it off... Money? Nice home? Butler? Housekeeper? You are taking care of her basic needs enabling her to give all her best to some other dude. That is cruel and harsh and you must put a stop to it unless you like being disrespected, cuckholded, used and seen by her as worthless. As harsh as it sounds, from my experience in real life and on these forums she is beyond the point of no return, time for you to hit her with divorce, go dark on her, cut her from your life, seek full custody of your children if you think it is in their best interest to not be raised by a woman with such low moral character.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Hubby12 said:


> I know it seems very obvious what is happening, I just have no one to talk to about this. All of your comments are very helpful. All my doubt and denial is quickly disappearing. Thanks


As has been suggested get a mod to move this to the Coping with Infidelity section (CWI for us regulars). As you're denial leaves and the reality starts to dawn the people there can give you lots of advice as to how to proceed. 

If - and it's likely a big if - your wife and marriage can be saved it's going to be a tough fight. As odd as it sounds you will have to fight her to get her back. The first thing you have to decide is if the price of the fight is worth getting her back given what she has done. Tough question I know but it's what you're faced with. Good Luck, see you in CWI.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

You'll likely find one contacting you based on that post, the two that come to mind are 827Aug and Amplexor. You can search for them under the community tab at the top of the page, then under member list. When you find them click on their user name and you should see an option to send them a private message.


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## hollowed456 (Jan 4, 2012)

I've been where your at. You know something has happened but at the same time you really don't want to believe it. It's a hard thing to deal with. You take vows and you sort of feel like your the only one that they meant anything too. Here's what I did. At first I went into panic mode and started begging her to be faithful. When we separated texted her all the time. Searched the internet for ways to win back my unfaithful wife,purchased books on coping with infidelity..etc. If I had to recommend anything it would be taking a look at this website

Divorce Busting® - How to Save Your Marriage, Solve Marriage Problems, and Stop Divorce

The people on those forums deal with the book sold by Michelle Weiner-Davis. The book itself is really good. While it's looked at as stopping a divorce and such at it's core it's more about doing things for yourself to get you through and ultimately coming out better. By doing that process you start doing more for yourself and feeling better. I'm not affiliated with the site or the author or anything like that. I'm just a regular person who's been through a marriage that had multiple physical and emotional affairs before finally working on myself and in the end filing for divorce myself and moving on with my life.

to answer your question though I do believe she has and is cheating


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yes, she was absolutely cheating before, and very clearly it's still going on.

You sir have been played.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

Hubby12 said:


> My wife and I were having problems in our marriage for many years. And then one day she threw me out of the house. She started going out almost every night drinking with a group of friends from her work.


 
Didn't have to read the rest.........

YES she is


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## Allybabe_18 (Dec 24, 2011)

I am so sorry to see you on here and read your post Hubby12. 
As everyone else has already said, I too believe your wife has been unfaithful to you. I am working on trying to heal my marriage after a year of basically the exact same story you tell. I told my husband every imaginable reason why i would NOT be having an affair with my "friends", all the while being in constant communicay with another man. I work with all men, all my customers I deal with on a daily basis are men, it is very easy for simple complaining about a rocky marriage for someone to step up with all the right things to say and all the comfort when needed. I hate myself for what I have put my husband and family through but I am commited to trying to heal some of the hurt i have caused and move past this all to a different but better life. I would confront your wife again, if she is still denying it then ask her to leave. Take her clothes and get out of your families house. Cuz it is your families house and she is not acting like a family member, she should get out. If she is being honest it will all be simple because she will be more than willing to block out those ppl of concern to you. And if she is not being honest, it will basically smoke the truth outta the firebox. And I hope for you and your families sake, she realizes what she was throwing away and sees what she has become and chooses to make it right. 
There is allot of really great information on this site as well as on one called Marriage Builders that can help you through the rough road ahead. I suggest you ask her to join as well, my husband did and I took some serious words coming on here as the "cheater" but I have heard allot I didnt want to but really needed too. 
Good luck .


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## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

I'm not totally convinced she is cheating but you definitely aren't crazy. Her behaviour is extremely suspicious and disrespectful. I think you should hire a private investigator. If they can turn up definitive proof you should hire a lawyer, if they can't you should hire a marriage counsellor. 

You mention that she threw you out of the house before she started going out drinking with these guys. What was her reason for throwing you out?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She is SO cheating. Blameshifting, calling you the crazy, jealous one and going ballistic on you for "invading her privacy" are CLASSIC red flags.


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

I'm sorry your here, I'm sorry we're all here.

I completely understand the denial... It took me eight months to stop believing that my husband would never cheat on me. Eight months of pure hell!

Please understand that the posters on these boards KNOW what that are talking about!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

The blameshifting, defensiveness, anger, and especially kicking you out so she can live the single life are HUGE red flags for cheating. Then when she wanted you back, she most likely realized how hard it was to live the single life without you there to help. She realized it would be easier to cake eat, so that's just what she's doing. So sorrry you're having to go through this, but don't let her make you think you're crazy. You are NOT crazy.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

1. She is clearly cheating on you and playing you for a fool.
2. Get tested for STD's.
3. Find a good lawyer and divorce her.
4. Move on and find someone who can truly love and respect you because she clearly does not. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Enough is enough! Good luck.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

4th and 20. PUNT!!!!

"He's gay" LOL!!!!!

You can either face the reality that she is, and has been, cheating. Or you can put a sing out in your front yard saying "Free Play Tonight - Now Playing: The Fool".

Sorry you are here. But you need to get to work.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Typical cheating bull crap.
Your not crazy, so buckle down and go stealth. Gather the evidence then confront. Keep it on the down low and soon you will have enough to prove who really is the crazy one and it aint you.

You will need all your strength so go see a doc and try to eat and sleep, start working out and never ever beg for you marriage.

It will be painful any way you look at it but when you confront her with some black and white proof ( in my case it was in color) you will have a more affective confrontation and can make some real dicision with the knowlecge you will soon have. 

Again keep it an the down low and your chick won't hide it as much and soon you will get what you need to confront your adultous wife.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hubby12,

I'm not sure why you let her kick you out of the house last time, but don't let it happen again.

If she tries to kick you out again, refuse to leave. Legally she cannot kick you out of your family home. It's your home. If she wants you out of her life... she can leave.. .without your children.

If you leave the home it could be looked at as you abandoning your children. It also makes it much easier for her to continue her cheating.


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## my_marriage_troubles (Sep 21, 2012)

Hubby12 said:


> My wife and I were having problems in our marriage for many years. And then one day she threw me out of the house. She started going out almost every night drinking with a group of friends from her work. She worked in the athletic department at a State University so it was a male dominated work environment, so most of the people she was going out with were men. What could I do, nothing we were separated.
> 
> Then after a few months we started talking and she wanted me back, I considered the idea of getting back with her but I had concerns that she was going out a lot with other men, she said that I had nothing to worry about. I told her that I could get over my insecurities if I could go out with her and meet these people that she has been partying with. She agreed and we got back together.
> 
> ...


about ur situation probably her friends are gay. but she shouldnt be angry if nothings going on. you should talk to her about how it bothers u and she should change the way she chats with her friends. like hunney and stuff like that. she should understand. dnt stress urself.kuz i had gay friends and we would talk and joke around. they would kall me hunney and say i luv u and things like that. kuz thats how they are with any girl that they know trust me. but she is with u now and she shouldnt be texting like that out of respect.try talking and if not then you shouldnt be with her. tell her put ur self in my shoes what would u do if u went through my fone and found messages like that?and if she says she would be mad just tell her thats how i feel try to make her understand if she doesnt that means she doesnt care and move on. kus if u stay with her its always gonna be the same issue and stress out more. its gonna be in ur mind 24/7.and ur gonna have trust issues. so the relationship wont work. so move on ok..just worry about you and your kids. u will find sumbody. dnt torment urself. life is to short just smile.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> about ur situation probably her friends are gay. but she shouldnt be angry if nothings going on. you should talk to her about how it bothers u and she should change the way she chats with her friends. like hunney and stuff like that. she should understand. dnt stress urself.kuz i had gay friends and we would talk and joke around. they would kall me hunney and say i luv u and things like that. kuz thats how they are with any girl that they know trust me.


WTF!!!!!? Did that just happen? :scratchhead::lol::rofl: It is completely %#$#ing ridiculous to believe her "friends" are gay, After reading what was posted. IMHO of course.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> “sup buuudddyyyy...long time no speak. whatcha been doing besides betty?”


This isn't something you joke about in a public facebook page unless its common knowledge. Everyone and their mothers knew something was going on.

But even if it wasn't, you asked her to stop communication and she lied to you and didn't. You can't trust her. 

I know there are kids in the picture, but you'll do your kids no favor by letting them see their mother humiliate their father. You can do better than this.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

Cheating. Lying. Not going to stop. You deserve better than this Betty. Sorry for what you're going through, man.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

yep big big time

the "he's gay" always made me laugh when my stbxw pulled that one 

It was the one thing that instantly alerted me to her many many infidelities

srry your there but you'll need to get your head together more than any other situation you've faced in your life

The trickle truth starts here


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Uh, folks, look at the date of the last post before the MMT post came in.

DEAD THREAD!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Allybabe_18 said:


> I am so sorry to see you on here and read your post Hubby12.
> As everyone else has already said, I too believe your wife has been unfaithful to you. I am working on trying to heal my marriage after a year of basically the exact same story you tell. I told my husband every imaginable reason why i would NOT be having an affair with my "friends", all the while being in constant communicay with another man. I work with all men, all my customers I deal with on a daily basis are men, it is very easy for simple complaining about a rocky marriage for someone to step up with all the right things to say and all the comfort when needed. I hate myself for what I have put my husband and family through but I am commited to trying to heal some of the hurt i have caused and move past this all to a different but better life. I would confront your wife again, if she is still denying it then ask her to leave. Take her clothes and get out of your families house. Cuz it is your families house and she is not acting like a family member, she should get out. If she is being honest it will all be simple because she will be more than willing to block out those ppl of concern to you. And if she is not being honest, it will basically smoke the truth outta the firebox. And I hope for you and your families sake, she realizes what she was throwing away and sees what she has become and chooses to make it right.
> There is allot of really great information on this site as well as on one called Marriage Builders that can help you through the rough road ahead. I suggest you ask her to join as well, my husband did and I took some serious words coming on here as the "cheater" but I have heard allot I didnt want to but really needed too.
> Good luck .


I will like this posts just in case.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Sounds like a textbook description of a cheating wife. Read some of the other stories on this site and you'll see many similarities to your story. 

If you need more positive proof you may need to hire a PI or place a VAR in her car. 

If you think she's planning to go out with this guy again for a beer-- play dumb, let her. But make sure you have surveilance measures in place to catch her in the act.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Once more with feeling: ZOMBIE THREAD!


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

She's cheating. There's absolutely no doubt.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

shaylady said:


> Didn't have to read the rest.........
> 
> YES she is


Exactly!! Kick her out, she needs it, but you need it more than she does. At least move her out of your bed for a start. Ignore her completely and decide if you have enough evidence to make a decision to file, you can always take her back later. These cheaters will grab at straws until the last moment. Hope he is in a better place, january date wow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bummed77 (Apr 9, 2012)

she is cheating and you know it deep down. get yourself together and let her go. you are only getting the trickle truth.


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## my_marriage_troubles (Sep 21, 2012)

Hubby12 said:


> My wife and I were having problems in our marriage for many years. And then one day she threw me out of the house. She started going out almost every night drinking with a group of friends from her work. She worked in the athletic department at a State University so it was a male dominated work environment, so most of the people she was going out with were men. What could I do, nothing we were separated.
> 
> Then after a few months we started talking and she wanted me back, I considered the idea of getting back with her but I had concerns that she was going out a lot with other men, she said that I had nothing to worry about. I told her that I could get over my insecurities if I could go out with her and meet these people that she has been partying with. She agreed and we got back together.
> 
> ...


just dump her cheating butt. move on with ur life.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

As F-102 says, THIS IS A DEAD THREAD.

dated from January. Then jump to Sept. And it wasn't the OP who jumped it.


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