# It's Over



## DDGresham1 (Dec 15, 2012)

I met my wife when I was around 28. I was young and still ****y and had the world in the palm of my hand. At first I wasn't attracted to my wife but wanted to "get laid" so I pursued her. She was around 23 at the time and an innocent religious girl but not completely naive. I dated her for a while and found out that her family was wealthy and since I was poor and had debt and I liked her well enough I asked her to marry me. I grew to love her over time and looking back I loved her by the time we got married. She was a sweet girl and I loved being with her. She was a larger girl in that she was tall (5'9") and kind of thick. I gave her grief on a regular occasion about losing weight. Looking back at old pics I see that she wasn't that heavy. I grew up with a single, alcoholic father. He was abusive both physically and mentally. He didn't teach me much about love other than to say the right things but not show true love for others. I carried this with me into adulthood. I graduated college and started working as a chemist. My degree was in biology and I struggled to keep up with what was going on. I managed to pursue increasingly more difficult jobs over the years and finally landed a good paying job but during this time I always struggled. I brought these struggles home. I also had issues dealing with people at work. I didn't know how to react to a jerk boss or others at work. I wasn't good at social interactions at work. I went on for the first few years complaining about my job(s). I was angry all of the time. I snapped at my wife often but I did show a lot of love as well...kind of a roller coaster ride. She had fybromialgia and sturggled with pain. She started taking pain killers and became hooked. She recently told me that it made it easier to deal with my anger and I believe her...boy was I an angry man. I had also been exposed to porn my entire life and treated her in the bedroom like the women in the porn movies. She said that she rarely liked having sex with me because of this. She stayed on pain killers for a few years. I think around 4 years give or take a few months. She struggled to keep a job because of it an ruined her career. She went another year or two trying to quit and eventually did. During this entire time I drank too much and ended up cheating on her about three times. Nothing serious, all one night stands that I could barely remember through the blur of alcohol. She eventually found out about this. During this period she really started putting on weight. Once she got sober we fought every few weeks about her weight. She must have been around 240-250lbs. When I married her I think she was around 175lbs. She looked 8 months pregnant. She was still upset about the bedroom in that I wasn't taking care of her needs. I just couldn't bring myself to have sex with her that often. She reminded me of people that sit around eating all day and getting bigger and bigger. Looking back if I had demonstrated my love for her and just bit the bullet I think she would have come around and gotten her program together (she wasn't working with a sponsort) and lost the weight. Toward the end she barely bothered to look for a job. She had lost interest in the relationship. One week she says she's going to see her parents for a week or two. After two weeks I call her and she says she isn't coming back and tells me her side of things. I talked to her and moved up and stayed in a hotel near her and looked for a job. I could only find on crappy position and it was an hour and a half away, third shift, 12 hour shifts. I didn't see me being able to make that commute from where she was. She had stated that once she got a full time job I could move back up and that I should go stay with my aunt until then. I called to ask her for a small amount of money. She agreed and mailed it to me. In the letter she asked for a divorce explaining that my anger was a lot to deal with and that even if I fixed it she could never go back to the sex. The funny thing is that she admitted that I had become less angry and better in the bedroom over the last couple of years. I had finally gotten and little age and maturity on me (far later than most but I had a lot of problems...no excuses though). At the point in my life that I could been a good husband and possibly a good father (we were talking about fostering) she leaves me. So, here I am. At my aunts and unemployed. I do have an interview on monday at dupont but I don't have my hopes up. I just don't care much about anything. As rough as our relationship was it was just getting better, at least for me. She had quit the drugs and I was learning to be a better husband and person. It was just too late. I've spent the last 12 years coming home to her. I miss her so much. The 4-5 bad years were bad but I remember so many good times...what a sweetie. I still love her.


----------

