# Turning down pleasure.. I just don't get it.



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

I will apologize for ranting here but I am just so fed up with all the excuses.
Been asking wife to go down on her for the last week.. just give her pleasure no asking for sex, bj, or anything for me. All her. I love her scent and really love to give her pleasure!
She still puts me off with excuse after excuse. 
By the way "I have a headache". I said ok and got her some headache medicine and gave her a back and neck rub, then rubbed her forehead and temples.
I leave her alone with lights off while she is watching TV. I go back in about 30 minutes later and she has her laptop on and her cell phone in hand. I monitored it for the next hour just to make sure she was not taking a quick glance.
Now I know when I have a headache that looking at a computer screen and or phone screen is painful and I cannot stand it.
I call "[email protected]#[email protected]!
Am I missing something here? I have already started a 180 but I am about to kick it up a notch!


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Has she always been this way about oral? Or is this new? 

Some women do not like it. And some can't get enough of it. 

Have you told her how this is making you feel?


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Does she have issues down there?

Odor? warts? 

There's something about her that is making her say no. I don't care for having it done either, but I wouldn't say no to hubs if he wanted to...but i wanna clean first.


----------



## wifewifewife (Apr 8, 2012)

Have you been successful in bringing her to orgasm in the past via oral sex? Oral sex produces the best orgasms for many women, but there are men who do not know how to do that. I'm just wondering if that is the reason she is not interested. If you are a master of giving a woman an orgasm through oral sex, then I can't imagine why she would turn it down.


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Does she know how to orgasm? Some women don't, and they find that hard to admit. If she thinks that oral is disgusting, you will have a hard time changing that perception. Will she accept your fingers instead? Have you tried toys with her? Giving a massage first?

She either doesn't like sex, or she has some resentments about you that you need to discuss with her. No medical problems? I would have a sit-down heart-to-heart with her about what is going on. You can't fix what you don't acknowledge.


----------



## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

Since you said you want to give her pleasure why don't you just do something she wants you to do? Since she doesn't want you to give her oral sex maybe just understand how she feels and do something she wants and finds pleasurable sexually.
_Posted via The Planet Mars_


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Jeff74 said:


> Since you said you want to give her pleasure why don't you just do something she wants you to do? Since she doesn't want you to give her oral sex you should respect how she feels and do something she wants and finds pleasurable.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Offer to clean the toilets. I'll bet you good money that you putting on rubber gloves and reaching for the bog brush and bleach doesn't trigger a headache...


----------



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Has she always been this way about oral? Or is this new?
> 
> Some women do not like it. And some can't get enough of it.
> 
> Have you told her how this is making you feel?


It has never been real easy to convince her of anything sexual, but when she does it she likes it. She has some severe hangups and I honestly don't know why. She won't ever give me any straight answers.
I have told her many times how I feel.


----------



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

that_girl said:


> Does she have issues down there?
> 
> Odor? warts?
> 
> There's something about her that is making her say no. I don't care for having it done either, but I wouldn't say no to hubs if he wanted to...but i wanna clean first.


No issues down there at all.. she is like you though it has to be clean. I just don't understand why the planets have to align, skies part, rays shine on us to make it happen.


----------



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

wifewifewife said:


> Have you been successful in bringing her to orgasm in the past via oral sex? Oral sex produces the best orgasms for many women, but there are men who do not know how to do that. I'm just wondering if that is the reason she is not interested. If you are a master of giving a woman an orgasm through oral sex, then I can't imagine why she would turn it down.


Done it many times in the past and she definitely had very good orgasms. I wouldn't call myself a master but I know my way around her vjay jay and cl_- to make her crazy.


----------



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

lovesherman said:


> Does she know how to orgasm? Some women don't, and they find that hard to admit. If she thinks that oral is disgusting, you will have a hard time changing that perception. Will she accept your fingers instead? Have you tried toys with her? Giving a massage first?
> 
> She either doesn't like sex, or she has some resentments about you that you need to discuss with her. No medical problems? I would have a sit-down heart-to-heart with her about what is going on. You can't fix what you don't acknowledge.


She know how to.. maybe she does think it's disgusting. No fingers, tried toys in the past but no go now. 
I always have to give a massage to get anything, a prerequisite to anything sexual.
No medical problems that I know of.. conversation will not work. Have had 20+ years of conversations.


----------



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Jeff74 said:


> Since you said you want to give her pleasure why don't you just do something she wants you to do? Since she doesn't want you to give her oral sex maybe just understand how she feels and do something she wants and finds pleasurable sexually.
> _Posted via The Planet Mars_


She doesn't like anything.


----------



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> Offer to clean the toilets. I'll bet you good money that you putting on rubber gloves and reaching for the bog brush and bleach doesn't trigger a headache...


I will take the bet... I have cleaned everthing hundreds of times and nada. Not even a thank you!


----------



## green-eyed lady (Apr 13, 2012)

I would be so grateful for a husband eager to make love with me. I sympathize with all the men that have been sexually rejected and I hope your situation improves. He doesn't find me attractive since I have gained 35 lbs. But....he has peyronies disease and feels like he has lost his manhood. :The joy of sex has been taken out of our marriage. I do not look forward to no sex, affection, kisses, or hugs the rest of my life. I just returned from a 2-month separation and he doesn't seem to be too happy that I am back. I am becoming numb. We've been married 14 years and I have made plenty of mistakes with him. I am working on my character defects. Yet, he doesn't want us to divorce. We both have been faithful to each other as far as I know. Has anyone dealt with Peyronies disease? He gets painful erections.


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

discouraged1 said:


> I will take the bet... I have cleaned everthing hundreds of times and nada. Not even a thank you!


Ah, but I bet it didn't make her head hurt!

Sorry. I'm not unsympathetic, but you can't make someone enjoy something, especially if they have decided not to.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

discouraged1 said:


> I will apologize for ranting here but I am just so fed up with all the excuses.
> *Been asking wife to go down on her for the last week*.. just give her pleasure no asking for sex, bj, or anything for me. All her. I love her scent and really love to give her pleasure!
> She still puts me off with excuse after excuse.
> By the way "I have a headache". I said ok and got her some headache medicine and gave her a back and neck rub, then rubbed her forehead and temples.
> ...


Maybe it's the asking part that is a turn-off? I always think that asking for a particular sex act is something of a turn-off, especially if you are asking for something at a time that is not necessarily convenient. Asking ... and repeated asking, especially ... does not seem like a strong action on your part ... seems like you are more of a supplicant and not in much control of yourself or feelings.

You mentioned doing the 180? But asking her to let you give her oral sex for a week is not a 180. 

Go back and read MEM's thermostat and turn down the heat on her. You're overheating her and she's pulling away. Turn down the heat and see instead if you can pull her toward you.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/21278-thermostat-ultimate-barometer-your-r.html

Best wishes.


----------

