# He refused to marry me after arranged, what should I do ?



## unlucky

My bf refusing to marry me even thought we've arranged to sign at civil office 
We've been over 2 years relationship now.We met at S'pore where i worked (he visited there with his friends on his holiday).After 1 year later... I quitted my good salary job and came here to stay together with him because i hate long distance relationship. 
First I trusted him 100% till I found out He lied me. But I forgave him. After weeks,I found out he lied me again, I forgave him again.It's happened so many times .That's why I curious everything about him.But He named it 'I am trying to control him'..yeah I might trying to control him sometimes because he's untrusted.I used to try to hit him six months ago because I found out he lie me again  .He even reported police me for that. I also apologized thousands times and he said He forgave me.But still mention about hitting him.I got huge regret and stopped that behaviour.
I changed my type for him and we are going very well.But now suddenly He saying that 'I love you so much and don't wanna break up but I am not ready to marry you (even tho he's already arranged and booked the married date which is coming Sunday), I need more time to trust you and now I am confused'. But the problem is my visa is ending in few months (he knows this). I love him so much.. but i cannot wait because I have been waiting over 1 year (He said he wanna marry me and called me here). 
Now I really don't know what to do  Any advice??
Thanks for your time ..


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## Romance and More

Actually, I think you are lucky and not unlucky.
It seems you have been shown several signs and several red flags as to what you can expect out of a marriage with this person. If you were not hoping to get citizenship or extend your visa, you probably would not marry him. At least, I would hope not after everything. Trust is critical in a relationship. If you have trust issues now they will only grow into resentments. Then you will be unlucky, and miserable for several years. Marriage does not solve any problems!!! In fact, marriage adds a whole new layer of complexity to any relationship, which can become a source of new problems. Never get married to solve an issue or problem. The don’t have kids to fix a marriage. I know it sounds like duh… But take a look around. It is so common it is ridiculous.
I suggest you count your blessings, and plan on your return to your country. Set up a job and get independent. You already have resentments such as leaving a good job for him, leaving your country for him, him violating your trust, and now you will have to wait to see it play out with a high probability of having to move back anyway. At least secure your own peace of mind a stability. There is someone out there for you, it just does not sound like it is him.

You can randomly pick almost any topic on marriage issues on this forum, and you will see how someone wishes they were independent and had a good job so they could leave and take care of themselves. I suggest you make the move now and be independent. Work through your own visa and work toward citizenship without him if you wish, but just do something yourself for yourself. You will be glad you did.


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## unlucky

Thanks for your advice.
Like I mention that I came here for him only. I even don't like to stay here because of weather. 
I wanna marry him just because I love him so much. That's all.


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## aug

unlucky said:


> Thanks for your advice.
> Like I mention that I came here for him only. I even don't like to stay here because of weather.
> *I wanna marry him just because I love him so much.* That's all.



So, you love a persistent liar? And want to marry him? Interesting...


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## Jellybeans

If he doesn't want to marry you, there is nothing you can do.

This is not a good relationship. He is a habitual liar and doesn't want to marry you.


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