# Wife has had two affairs, but says she still loves me



## Slcaj (Jul 11, 2018)

A few weeks ago, I got a phone call from the wife of one of my wife's coworkers, telling me that I should get tested for STDs, because her husband and my wife had slept together and her husband had apparently had multiple affairs. I had actually suspected something was going on, and was to the point where I was going to confront my wife anyway, but I had wanted to be sure before I did. After getting the phone call, I immediately confronted my wife, who admitted that they had had sex one time just a few days before, that it wasn't planned, that it was a stupid mistake, and that she had no interest in any kind of relationship with him. I was of course furious, and honestly didn't know what to do. Half of me wanted to kick her out right then, and the other half remembered that we have three kids together, and that maybe it really was just a stupid mistake.

My wife was apologetic and devastated, and spent the next few days being the most affectionate and accommodating she had been in years, telling me what a good husband I am and how much she appreciates me. She insisted again and again that she and the other guy were just friends and that it had been a stupid mistake in a moment of weakness. She even called my brother, told him what happened, and arranged for him to meet me after work so I'd have someone to talk to about everything.

I was honestly still in denial. Even though our relationship had had its issues—we'd even talked about divorce about a year ago, but decided to try to work things out—I couldn't believe this had happened to me. My brother told me that I needed to find out more information. He said there was a good chance that it hadn't really just been the one time, and that for all I knew there were other things going on, too.

I confronted my wife again, and asked if there was anything else she was hiding from me. She broke down crying and told me that she had actually fallen in love with another one of her coworkers a year ago (around the same time we had talked about divorce), and that she had told him so but that he had told her he was gay and so nothing had come of it. I was doubly devastated, and told her that if she really had been checked out of our relationship for that long, we should get a divorce.

The next day I was working from home, and when I opened up my laptop, I saw that she had left it signed into her work email. There, right at the top of the message list was a conversation between her and the guy she was "just friends with". She had told me he had checked himself into a psych ward, but there were messages back and forth between them nearly every hour of every day before _and_ after the incident, with her telling him things like that he made her feel alive, that he was sexy, and that she loved him. I was furious—mostly at myself for having let myself believe her—but I decided to try to find out more before I confronted her with the new damning evidence.

The other guy's wife actually called me later that day. She had filed for divorce and wanted to compare notes so she would have her story straight for the court. She had gotten access to his phone, and to a series of text messages between the two of them leading up to and immediately after the incident. My wife had told me it wasn't planned—that she hadn't even known he was going to be there (it was at the office, late at night)—but the text messages made it clear that they had prearranged to meet there at that time specifically. There was a lot of other damning evidence in the text messages.

During the course of our conversation, I mentioned that I found out that my wife had already had an emotional affair with the other guy (the one who she told me was gay). That's when the not-gay guy's wife told me that I had it all wrong: That my wife and the "gay" guy had both been at a work conference together in Portland all the way back in November, and had basically had sex the entire time they were there, and that half the office knew about it. These were people we had had over for dinner; they had come to our kids' birthday parties; and not one of them thought they needed to mention the fact that my wife was having an affair.

I went home and immediately confronted my wife, who admitted that they had had sex multiple times, but she insisted that he really was gay, and that nothing else had happened since then, and nothing ever could.

It all seems like a pretty clear-cut case—even as I'm typing this I'm thinking "How could anybody not recommend divorce?" But I guess the hardest part of all of this is that as hurt and as angry as I am, I still love my wife, and I love our family and the life we share together, and I know she does, too. She wants to try to work things out, and she has now ceased contact with the other men and is actively looking for another job so she won't work with either of them anymore. Is it even worth it to try to work things out, or is it already a lost cause?


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

She has already lied multiple times, do not be surprised if it happens again. When you both talked about divorce about a year ago was she the one to bring it up?@Slcaj


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

I know that you are in shock right now that your wife has been sleeping around, big this is just so blatant!!!! What would she have to do for you to divorce her????


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## Slcaj (Jul 11, 2018)

BruceBanner said:


> She has already lied multiple times, do not be surprised if it happens again. When you both talked about divorce about a year ago was she the one to bring it up?@Slcaj


We've had issues on and off for a few years, but we have been working through them and I thought we were making progress. When we talked about divorce a year ago it was right after she had gotten drunk and told the "gay" guy she thought she loved him. She was the one who brought it up, but then she agreed to work on things.


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## Slcaj (Jul 11, 2018)

I recently found out the my wife has had two affairs in the last year. The final state of our marriage is still up in the air, but divorce is definitely a strong option. 

We have three kids together, ages 8, 7, and 4, so they're not really old enough to understand, but as petty as it sounds, if we do get a divorce, I want them to know it wasn't my fault.

I know eventually they'll be old enough that they'll probably start asking real questions about it, and I don't want to lie to my kids for the rest of my life, but I also still want them to have a good relationship with their mother. I've also read that kids who know their parents have had affairs are more likely to have affairs themselves later on.

What's the right thing to do?


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## Slcaj (Jul 11, 2018)

*Should I tell the other guy's wife?*

I recently found out that my wife has had two affairs in the last year. I found out because the wife of the second guy found out and she told me. As much as I wish none of it were true, I'm glad I know the truth.

The first guy's wife—who I've met once but don't really know—doesn't know anything. On the one hand, I want to tell her, because like I said, I'm glad someone told me. But on the other hand, I don't want to feel responsible if she kills herself or does something violent after she finds out, or if the other guy kills himself after she finds out. (And I understand that the consequences of someone else's affair aren't my fault, but it would still be based on my decision to say something.)

Either way, it's likely to ruin their family—they have two kids together—but if the family's a sham anyway, maybe it's for the best.

I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

The kids know that something is up. 

Be honest with them. Tell them that you both love them with all your heart, but mommy has a new boyfriend. That is why they might hear you two talk loudly from time to time. It is because you and mommy are trying to decide what to do about her and her new boyfriend 

Good luck


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

WITHOUT QUESTION!!!!!

The sooner the better!!!
She needs to know!


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

*Re: Should I talk to my kids about my wife's affairs?*

Kids need love and attention for themselves and in the household. Don't remain married to an uncommitted wife. It's not sustainable. Two affairs in a year suggests you have a wife who may view infidelity as a lifestyle. Can't say for sure, but don't allow her to shift blame you on her affairs. Marital problems are one thing, deciding to go outside the marriage is an altogether different issue that's her and her's only. Don't try to fix her. Fix you and the kids ONLY. If she's willing and able to assume responsibility and take action to remedy HER issues , then and only then do you consider marital counseling, ideally one with infidelity experience. You and the kids. 

Let her take care of her. You have enough on your plate recovering emotionally and focusing on the kids best interests, which again by the way is a HAPPY household, not just two parents remaining together for the kids. I've grown up around a couple of marriages that weren't let's just say, ideal. The kids, who are my friends have real issues. Both are in the 50's and have never come close to having successful long term relationships. NEVER!!!!!!! Odd, don't you think. I've known both for 40 years. I have no doubt, having been in that household, that it's not a coincidence that both of my friend and his sister were impacted growing up in a dysfunctional household where the dad was rolling stone, if you will. Can testify of other families as well. Bottom line. From a kids perspective, it's about being in a happy household. Mommy and daddy being under one roof isn't enough. It has to be healthy and real.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

My advice.... file and have her served. It is a long process. You can stop the divorce proceedings at any time along the way. And it will show her that you refuse to be her cockhold any more!!!

Have her served at work so ALL of the guys she is f ucking there will know


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

She is still lying and is currently not a reconciliation candidate’s

To be prescriptive -
File for divorce
Strongly recommend that she gets into counciling
Have HER fight for the marriage that she ended

Your job right now is creating a safe bubble for your children.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

By the way - ask her what would have happened had her boyfriend not been gay.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

*Re: Should I tell the other guy's wife?*

You found out from the new other guy’s wife. Don’t you think that her boyfriend’s wife also deserves to know?


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## Slcaj (Jul 11, 2018)

*Should I tell my family about my wife's affairs? Should I tell hers?*

I recently found out that my wife has had two affairs in the last year, and I'm still reeling. My initial reaction was to post it to Facebook and tell the world, but I really don't want to ruin her life, partially because she was likely lose her job and I don't want my kids to suffer.

Even so, I'm trying to decide if and how I should tell our families and close friends.

I feel like if I don't tell my side of the family, I'll never really feel like they can understand where I'm coming from, but I also know that some of them are really immature and would probably rag on her in front of the kids, which I know isn't healthy for them.

As far as her family, her mom knows because she was staying with us when it all went down, but I don't think she's ever planning on telling her sister or father. She's just planning on lying to them for the rest of her life. On the one hand, I don't see how you could ever have a meaningful relationship with your family if they don't know something that important, but on the other hand, in the end it won't really make a difference for me one way or another; I'd just feel like I was being vindictive if I told them.

Last but not least, we have mostly separate friend groups now, but we have some older mutual friends we still keep in touch with. I know it sounds stupid, but every time a couple gets a divorce, I know the natural reaction for many people is to assume the man had an affair or something. I want people to know that's not the case, but again, is it really that I'm just being vindictive? Is there really a benefit to telling a lot of people?


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Hold your head up high and tell everyone! 

No matter what you decide to do, you are going to need the support of your loved ones to get you through this! Both of you will. 

It is also important for YOU to tell everyone so that she doesn’t get the opportunity to rewrite the history of your marriage



Good luck


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Slcaj said:


> A few weeks ago, I got a phone call from the wife of one of my wife's coworkers, telling me that I should get tested for STDs, because her husband and my wife had slept together and her husband had apparently had multiple affairs. I had actually suspected something was going on, and was to the point where I was going to confront my wife anyway, but I had wanted to be sure before I did. After getting the phone call, I immediately confronted my wife, who admitted that they had had sex one time just a few days before, *that it wasn't planned*, that it was a stupid mistake, and that she had no interest in any kind of relationship with him. I was of course furious, and honestly didn't know what to do. Half of me wanted to kick her out right then, and the other half remembered that we have three kids together, and that maybe it really was just a stupid mistake.
> 
> My wife was apologetic and devastated, and spent the next few days being the most affectionate and accommodating she had been in years, telling me what a good husband I am and how much she appreciates me. She insisted again and again that she and the other guy were just friends and that it had been a stupid mistake in a moment of weakness. She even called my brother, told him what happened, and arranged for him to meet me after work so I'd have someone to talk to about everything.
> 
> ...


I believe this relationship is a lost cause.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

And don’t tell your wife that you are going to do it beforehand. She will tell him and give him the time to come up with an air tight story to convince his wife that it is not true and that you are some nut


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Slcaj said:


> It all seems like a pretty clear-cut case—even as I'm typing this I'm thinking "How could anybody not recommend divorce?" But I guess the hardest part of all of this is that as hurt and as angry as I am, I still love my wife, and I love our family and the life we share together, and I know she does, too. She wants to try to work things out, and she has now ceased contact with the other men and is actively looking for another job so she won't work with either of them anymore. Is it even worth it to try to work things out, or is it already a lost cause?


It is a clear cut case. You love the life you share together? Really?

Her starting another job won't solve anything, it's still her, with a new pool of affair partners.

Lost cause. Lying multiple times, cheating multiple times....


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

You love the woman you THOUGHT she was!!!! That woman is either long gone or she never existed!!!

Even if you decide to stay married, and she is faithful, the marriage that you had is gone forever! She killed your marriage! 

Your marriage you will then have will be one where you are constantly thinking/worrying about/knowing that she is probably screwing others at work. You will worry what parking lot she is in, with some new guy, every time she is 15 minutes late 

Does that sound like the type of marriage/life you want?


Sorry, but you knew what you need to do even before coming onto this site. You came here hoping that someone would tell you that you didn’t have to divorce her and that your marriage can be saved, and that your wife won’t cheat on you again. But you do know the reality of it all.

It hurts like hell. But only you can get yourself out of Hell


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

Fool me once shame on you. 
Fool me twice shame on me. 
I have written before about my wife cheating on me with her boss and us reconciling. Ten years later she cheated again with the same guy and I threw her out.
Your wife had the opportunity to come clean the first time, she lied to you and stayed in touch with her lover. Then you found out about her other boyfriend. You are the laughing stock of her workplace and everybody working there knows about her constant cheating. 
How can you believe anything she tells you and you seem to accept that her other boyfriend is gay. I have news for you he isn't. He may be bisexual but that's it. And if he contacted her today she would come running. 
For your own peace of mind leave this tramp to her boyfriends and get yourself tested.
It may be no harm to get DNA testing on your children because who knows how long she has been ****ing around.


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

*Re: Should I tell the other guy's wife?*

Tell her immediately and if your wife brings it up you will know they are still in contact.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Go on Facebook and post the following.

My fiends and family,
I need to share some news with you as I and my family and I will be needing your support. My wife has admitted to me that over the last year, she has had multiple affairs with at least two coworkers and one friend I was led to believe was gay.

I’m not sure what the path in front of us looks like, but no matter what happens, it is clear that my children, myself, and my wife will need your support.

Thank you





Tell her that she is going to meet with her father, with you present, and tell him all about the affairs. She will need to do this with ALL of her family members, with you present


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Should I tell my family about my wife's affairs? Should I tell hers?*

This all depends on if you have made up your mind to divorce or not. 

If you are not sure if you are divorcing or reconciling, then do not tell your family yet. 

If you tell your friends and family, they will forever have a beef with her and that will further stress your marriage going forward. 

If you are 100% sure of divorce, then just a simple, "she was not faithful" is all that is necessary to clear your name. 

I would not post on social media as that will make you look like the crazy and vindictive one.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

She is a serial cheater. Serial cheaters don't change. DIVORCE.

And so what she changes jobs ? What, there won't be men at the next job ?

Also OP you should merge all your threads together.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

*Re: Should I tell my family about my wife's affairs? Should I tell hers?*

What you need to decide is whether or not you are going to stay married to her. 

I saw that you posted the general questions about her affair 3 times I think.

You need to decide what your future is and how you want to handle this, that will decide what you need to do.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Serial cheater. She will not change. The 2 men you know about are just 2 in a sea of many that you _don't_ know about. She'll lie about these other affairs as well. She'll tell any lie just to string you along. This is not someone that anyone should be married to. Get a full-panel STD test and never touch her again.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you are looking for information only, google serial cheater and as far as exposure goes go to marriage builders website and look up the exposure section along with how to expose to your kids.

I have to tell you that serial cheaters can not stop cheating. Their brain is hardwired to cheat. More than likely she has cheated before. Unfortunately, you need to get yourself tested for stds and have your children dna tester for health reasons. No matter what the tests results are YOU are their father!


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

She wants to try to work things out...........It's not her decision to make. It's yours. Second, don't make a decision. Tell her your thinking about where to go from here and you'll get back to her when you are ready. Your passivity will bite you. Consequences and a strong hand is required in order to gain control, or otherwise you will be controlled. You choose right here, right now, to be the hammer or the nail. Your choice. Understand the analogy. Just because you choose to have a hammer in your hand doesn't mean you have to nail her. You will decide that in time. Whether she can be remorseful or empathetic on making you look like a fool will reveal where she is right now. Need to get street smart real fast. 

I'm sure you love her, but loving someone doesn't mean they need to be in your life, no less then a husband who physically abuses his wife. The wife needs to leave and remove herself from the physical and emotional abuse. You are on the receiving end of someone who sees infidelity as a lifestyle. You'd be best served to remove you and your family from her infidelity. She's dangerous for you. I know you don't want to hear it, but that's what this message board is for. To give objective advice from seeing things the betrayed spouse is incapable of after being traumatized from finding out who your wife really is. Strong decisive and calculating is what you must be from here on out.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Kick her but to the curb. 


Then file and have her served. She’s nasty man.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: Should I tell my family about my wife's affairs? Should I tell hers?*

*By all means let them know what it is that has occurred, but refrain from giving out the specifics!*


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Just in my opinion I don't think the scorched Earth approach is necessary here, it's going to take a little shine off of you if you do. 

You have all of the info you need to make sure decision and she isn't really fighting back at this point.

You tell certain people but not the world. Have a sit down with your family and then hers, ASAP and let them know the general aspect of what happened (multiple affairs) and ask for their support as you enter a tough time of doing what's best for you and the kids and that you aren't out for revenge or to hurt anyone. You are just going to do what needs to be done. You can gradually tell your closest friends. 

Best of luck man, sorry you are here and joined the club that no one wants to be a part of but can get through it!


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

Serial cheater and a liar. Divorce her.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Every time you talk to her about it the story changes. She asked for a divorce. Then she agreed to working it out while she was banging two (at least) other guys.

I'm not saying you can't stay together eventually, but shouldn't she tell the truth first?


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

200% tell her.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I would say her definition of love is pretty terrible and twisted.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

She’s lying. Duh.

DNA the kids and file for divorce.

And FFS stick to a single thread.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Absolutely tell your family and her family. That is not scorched Earth, that is called getting support and accountability.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: Should I tell my family about my wife's affairs? Should I tell hers?*

if you are ending the marriage, which after 2 affairs you surely are, then they will need to know why.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: Should I tell the other guy's wife?*



Slcaj said:


> I recently found out that my wife has had two affairs in the last year. I found out because the wife of the second guy found out and she told me. As much as I wish none of it were true, I'm glad I know the truth.
> 
> The first guy's wife—who I've met once but don't really know—doesn't know anything. On the one hand, I want to tell her, because like I said, I'm glad someone told me. But on the other hand, I don't want to feel responsible if she kills herself or does something violent after she finds out, or if the other guy kills himself after she finds out. (And I understand that the consequences of someone else's affair aren't my fault, but it would still be based on my decision to say something.)
> 
> ...


If I was her I would want to know what sort of man my husband is.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Words are easy, if she loves you she wouldn't have acted so terribly. Remember these are the only 2 that you know about. She didn't tell you did she.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Sounds to me as if there is a strong consensus on this!

Robbie made a fantastic point about finding out if the husband and your wife are still in contact


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

*Re: Should I tell the other guy's wife?*

As the late SCOTUS Justice Scalia would of said... Expose, Expose, Expose.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Someone I know once wanted to find out how many men and the contact information for men his wife was taking to bed.

So on a day when she wouldn’t be going to work, she told her early in the day that his doctor’s office had called with the STD’s results. He told her that she had given him multiple STDs. This was a lie, he hadn’t gotten the call yet or everything came back negative

At the end of the day, confiscated her phone and then had the contact information of three additional men that she was/had screwed

Just something to think about if you want to look beyond the tip of this iceberg 

Good luck


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'm really surprised that you "still love her", because she sure as hell doesn't love YOU. She may love the fact that you are easygoing and will tolerate anything from her. She may love the fact that she has a source of organs such as a heart, a kidney, or whatever else she needs that you would give her if you're compatible. She may love the fact that she can walk all over you anytime she wants, that you'll just keep coming around like a kicked puppy.
But love YOU........ no. She loves herself. She loves making herself happy and having you as her wing man in life.

A woman in love with her husband doesn't think about other men. Their mind is on their husband and spending time with him and building a life together. 

What you have is a serial cheater who is going to bang basically every guy she finds reasonably attractive that will give her the time of day. There will always be those guys, because she constantly puts the feelers out looking for them and baiting them up.

But you're not going to listen. Tell your wife you want an open marriage so at least you might have the chance to bang other women and not feel guilty about it. Maybe you can do like her and find one that you might rather be with. Surely you realize that when she asked for a divorce a year ago, it was so she can be with her affair partner who didn't want her full time so she came home to plan B (you). 

She is ACTIVELY shopping for another man to replace you, do you realize this? She's a liar, she's not going to tell you this. But her actions sure as hell say it. 
I know YOU love her. BUT, your love is going to bring you nothing but pain. You only have one life. Don't spend it getting your heart dissected by a cheating, trashy woman.

Divorce her so she can be free to look for a man fair and square.

And he was gay........ Damn, dude. Really?

There's no advice here that will work to fix this marriage when one spouse clearly has her mind on other men and not the marriage.

Anything she says--- it's a LIE. Her whole life with you is a lie. Every day she spends with you is a lie. 
Let her go.
I'm really sorry. Sometimes things don't turn out like we plan.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Time to stop talking about divorce and do it.
She is only really sorry that she got caught.
A mistake ? Really do not believe her. A mistake
happens once and then she would have confessed
and told you. She has you and wants to play on the 
side. She is playing and playing you. She does not 
care about anyone just herself.

How long before she brings you something you can not
get rid of. or worse (STD) Do not let your kids lose both parents
because of her.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: Should I tell my family about my wife's affairs? Should I tell hers?*

If you're divorcing, they need to know why.

If she 'says' she's remorseful and will never cheat again and you're staying together, they need to know for 2 reasons: one, to help you keep an eye on her and two, because as a serial cheater, SHE needs to learn humility and that will never happen until she can look her important people in the eye and admit what she did.

If you tell her that you require her to tell her people the truth, and she's unwilling to do that, then you know she is NOT actually remorseful, is just looking to salvage the best situation for herself (no divorce, save face, save money, keep kids 24/7) - and you should run. 

You have the power here. You have the ability to say I need this, this and this - and if you're not willing to give those things, I'm moving on to find a woman who deserves me. And then you just shut up and watch and wait. She'll either step up or not. But you have to be willing to lose her, to get the right version of her.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Slcaj,

New for you brother... when you see smoke, think Fire!

Your WW has been sleeping around longer than you can imagine. She now admits to 2 OM. Serial cheaters rarely if ever stop on their own. It's an addiction. Hold on tight when the number of OM jumps to 4 or 5.


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## jparistotle (Jul 10, 2018)

Sorry so say this but she has become the office HO. If the wife of AP knows about the other guy then everyone knows. Make here aware of that then cut your losses.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

*Re: Should I tell my family about my wife's affairs? Should I tell hers?*

Btw, if her affair partners are married their wives have to be told.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

*Re: Should I tell my family about my wife's affairs? Should I tell hers?*

Please please keep it all in one thread!! Ask the mods to merge them for you.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

You do realize she's most likely cheated on you with more than just two men right??? It doesn't sound like she admitted to much of anything that you didn't have to uncover for yourself. Not to mention the non-stop lying.

Like someone else said you're in love with who you thought she was. And clearly that person doesn't exist.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

You have a lot of good questions, it will be a lot better if the threads are merged since they are in the same sub-forum and you will get better help that way.
@EleGirl can the four of his threads be merged somehow?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

*Re: Should I tell my family about my wife's affairs? Should I tell hers?*

Ya please try to keep your posts in one thread. People are less likely to jump around from thread to thread regarding the same issue.

And if you do expose make sure you have concrete proof when you do. Because your wife is going to try to lie her way out of it when you actually do expose. Also DO NOT TELL HER OR GIVE HER THE HEADS UP YOU ARE EXPOSING. JUST DO IT.


Also what was her mother's reaction to all of this?? Especially since from what you say it doesn't seem like _she _plans on saying anything to anyone.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

A few things that I can see...Just to hop on the "burn the witch at the stake" parade we got going on here. 

1. She checked out over a year ago, when she "fell in love" with gay guy. The loving marriage was toast THEN.

2. She wanted to work things out because she is a monkey brancher. She has security and finances with you, but love elsewhere. When she gets a firm hold of a "new man". She will let go of you. That was about as far of "working things out" as she was willing....

3. The gay guy...IS PROBABLY NOT GAY. We all have seen that movie for too long. "Oh honey, he is just my GAY friend"...

4. Just because she readily told you she had sex with OM, doesn't mean she is going to STOP having sex with him. Cake eating is forthcoming my friend.

5. Cheaters lie, and revise history to suit their lives. You don't even factor when in the "fog" of an affair. Sorry.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

When a spouse cheats once, there may be a chance for reconciliation if there is genuine remorse and a willingness to accept consequences; and if the BS has the capacity to forgive.

However, your WW is a serial cheater. That's a different ball game. Your wife was looking for an exit affair and kept trying when the first OM didn't work out. You were her fall back plan and you will remain her fall back plan if you decide to attempt R. You can not and should not trust that a serial cheater will change. It's a losing bet.

Start the divorce process and tell her not to worry about quitting her job. She's going to need it.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

A little tip for ya....

No matter how "openminded" or "socially liberal" the dude is... most straight married dudes, like her most recent fling, who give a damn about their potential health, are going to plan (which you know they did) to have sex with the chick they know (if his wife knew then he knew) slept with the gay dude. Just for the slightest possibility****, no matter how rare, of catching a HIV, Hep A/B/C, etc is perceived to be just too high...

Odds are the dude isn't gay. It's just that you wife is a self entitled "me first" Bah-HITCH^^^^ that was eventually turned down by him (probably after she professed love for him), and in the mind of many self entitled "me first" Bah-HITCHes^^^^ any man that does not want them, especially after they had a taste of their awesomeness, MUST be gay!!!!

You truly need to put "YOU & your children first", because that is your family now.... You need to understand in your own head, that your wife left your "family" a long time ago... A TRUE one time mistake is one thing, still NOT OK... However the willful pursuit/acceptance of multiple, enough so that it is known by co-workers (again if his wife knew, then it's most likely common knowledge), that has her known as the office *****; shows she didn't give a damn about you or your family unit...

She wants to stay, for now, because it's what she knows, you provide security, and she thinks if your stupid enough that she got away with it for 9months+ (probably years)... then if she turns the "love" on for a bit then after a few months she can get back to screwing around and eventually finding a replacement for you.

Make no mistake about it, she may THINK she "loves" you but she sure as HELL doesn't respect you!

If you want the marriage to work, you must:
be willing to destroy it to save it!
Impose REAL consequences! Just like a child that learns not to touch a hot plate, she must "learn" not to cheat.. (sad I had to type that).
Understand she is damaged as a person and until she understands and then works to fix it (via individual counseling "IC") you can't begin to fix your marriage or even think about Marriage Counseling "MC".
Stand your ground!
Know that there should be now secrets in marriage 
There is NO "Right" to privacy in marriage. It is a courtesy, that she no longer should receive.. so you need access to all emails, phone, social media etc. while denying her the same access to yours. Cheaters don't get to see who you are talking too they will only use to cover there arses..

I know I'm missing stuff.... 

Ask yourself... do you really want to be with a woman who has to learn (or be taught) not to cheat?


****for the PC Crowd - statistical comparisons between straight & gay don't matter. Just like you don't run up and pet/play-with a Pitbull with out KNOWING it's 1000% safe... and even then most people won't pet/play-with it.

^^^^for the PC Crowd - not all women are Bah-HITCHES! In fact the extreme vast majority are not. Just like not all men are TOTAL Fah-HUCKING ASSHOLIOS. However it may seem like it at times...


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

She wants to change jobs because of her reputation
at her current one. Everybody knows who she really is.
Do you ?

Plus new job new group of guys !!

It might hurt but RUN, RUN, as fast as you can file a divorce.

How long before you are out with your wife and kids, ( Dinner, Shopping)
men look at her and you start wondering why ?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

*Re: Should I tell the other guy's wife?*



Slcaj said:


> I recently found out that my wife has had two affairs in the last year. I found out because the wife of the second guy found out and she told me.* As much as I wish none of it were true, I'm glad I know the truth.*
> 
> The first guy's wife—who I've met once but don't really know—doesn't know anything. On the one hand, I want to tell her, because like I said, I'm glad someone told me. But on the other hand, I don't want to feel responsible if she kills herself or does something violent after she finds out, or if the other guy kills himself after she finds out. (And I understand that the consequences of someone else's affair aren't my fault, but it would still be based on my decision to say something.)
> 
> ...


You've answered your own question right there in the bold.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

*Re: Should I tell the other guy's wife?*

You didn't ruin the other relationships, the cheaters did.

I go with letting EVERYONE know about the cheating. Burn the boats, to hell with it! This abhorrent behavior needs the light of day to be shining on it!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

She may love you but her love has no loyalty aspect to it. I also would suspect that she didn't just start acting like this, I wouldn't be surprised if she has been doing this the whole time. People who behave like your wife usually have a pattern of behavior their whole life. It's a part of their nature. 

Your situation is why I always say Love is overrated. Eventually her presence is just going to cause you pain, all the good will be outweighed by the pain she is causing you, by her callousness. The question is really how long it's going to take you to get to that point. I suggest you don't wait to find out. DNA test your kids, tell everyone what happened so no one can assume anything about you and leave holding your head high. 

I think in the end you will start to realize that she really wasn't the prize you though but mostly just a dysfunctional person who abused you. 

You however have proven that you can do marriage, you just need a better person. You will survive this and have joy again.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

DNA Test your children and find a great attorney. Your right you love her and your family. No one here or anyone else can deny that. The part of reality your going to have to wrap your head around is she doesn't love you the same way. She is a serial cheater and she will continue this destructive pattern in her life. Now if you can live with that then you should stay. I stayed with a serial cheater for ten years. They don't change. I tried everything to keep my family intact. Its a waste of your life if you stay. 

C


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

A few things I will say about my divorce:

In truth, for my entire first marriage, divorce was something I greatly feared. I abhorred hearing of other people's divorces because it made me think it might happen to me. I hated change. I feared having to date again. Lots of fear.

Now, I am past all that. I know I can find another woman if for some unforeseen circumstance forces me to. I know I could learn to love someone else. I feel much more secure. I no longer have any feelings whatsoever about an ex wife who for a long time, I thought I'd never get over losing. I am GLAD she's someone else's problem. I kind of pity the guy she's with, actually. Unless she comes forth with some nonsense about how I'm such a bad father or this or that (which occurs too often), I don't even think about her.

I believe the same thing will happen to you. Yes, it hurts to cut out the tumor yourself, with no anesthesia. But, geez, how rewarding to live again!
You really need to change your life. You are living in a way that no person should. Your wife no longer loves you. As said, it was gone the first time she cheated with another man. The last one you found out about--- just a member of a long line that will get longer. 

Know that you CAN move forward and you will be fine without her. She's NOT who you think she is. She's NOT who you married. She has changed. And there's nothing you can do about it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*"180" her cheating a$$, file for divorce, and then get the hell out of there!

Unless of course, you're heavily into deception, sadomasochism, or cuckoldery!*


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Slcaj said:


> I still love my wife, and I love our family and the life we share together, and I know she does, too. She wants to try to work things out,


No one who loves their family and life together commits adultery multiply time follows up with lie upon lie.

Of course your WW wants to work it out. She will be jobless before long as a result of her activity on company time.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

This ultimately shows complete and utter disrespect for you and your marriage. She wants to stay and work things out? I am sorry but that is not her option. She gets put out of the house. First consequence. You hire a nanny and let her know she is not welcome in your home. Second consequence. You demand that she loses her job, otherwise you will be contacting HR at her office and purging the waywards out of the place. Third consequence. Finally, you have her served with divorce papers. 

She is no candidate for reconciliation. She needs to experience hard crushing consequences. Let her life be blown up, as she had not one second thought about blowing up your life and your marriage.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

This is one of those threads where I am thinking the OP would have:

1) Typed out his feelings as he did
2) Proof Read what he posted
3) Called a lawyer and started divorce proceedings
4) Deleted the post before hitting send

He really doesn't need anyone's advice. He knows what he has to do and he knows that nobody is going to tell him anything different.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Slcaj said:


> It all seems like a pretty clear-cut case—even as I'm typing this I'm thinking "How could anybody not recommend divorce?" But I guess the hardest part of all of this is that as hurt and as angry as I am, I still love my wife, and I love our family and the life we share together, and I know she does, too. She wants to try to work things out, and she has now ceased contact with the other men and is actively looking for another job so she won't work with either of them anymore. Is it even worth it to try to work things out, or is it already a lost cause?


Here is my "14 Step Plan", to solve your dilemma:

1. *She is not in love with you*, she is a serial cheating, lying liar, & cake eater who needs you as "first base". She tries to steal second and always comes back to "first base" to tag up for the next try.

2. *I don't see why*, but if you really want to save this sham marriage, *you have to convince her that you are willing to lose her.*

3. *STD test immediately. * This sperm bank is willing to threaten you & HER CHILDREN with verneareal diseases. Sets the tone for a beginning salvo. 

4. *DNA test the kids.* I don't care if they are the spitting image of you and all you ancestors. Once again, set the tone and show her you are serious. 

5. *File and have her served, at work if possible.* _She shamed you before all her coworkers, now you shame her right back._ It is a time consuming process, & you can watch her actions to see if she deserves to reconcile with you. Man up buddy!

6. *Demand that no contact letters be written and edited by you, and sent.*

7. *All electronics observed by you.*

8. _*A written apology*_ written to you explaining why she believes you should stay married.

9. *A time line* of her affairs with the understanding that it will be corroborated by polygraph exam. The polygraph should be taken as soon as possible.

10.* Expose to all friends and family.* She needs to wallow in her shame.

11. *Serial cheaters like her are usually incurable*, so good luck if you decide not to file. 

12.* Both of you should be in individual counseling*. No marriage counseling as it is useless at this time.

13. *Look up and practice the "180" technique*. Also read the online PDF *"No More Mister Nice Guy"*.

14. As I always say, people respond to *strength, courage, and decisive action*. The longer you take to make a decision, the worse your situation becomes. *Now, go get it done.*


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

The fact that she had her "come to Jesus" moment and still lied means your case is hopeless in my opinion. When they have a chance to come clean, knowing that you've investigated, and then still lie there's not really much to work with there. That marriage and life you're dreading losing is already lost even if you stay together. Don't put yourself through that. I'm in the divorce business and I can tell you after 2+ decades as a divorce attorney not even one of my clients has ever told me they regretted divorcing a cheating spouse. Not one.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

*Re: Should I tell the other guy's wife?*

Yes you should tell her and provide whatever proof you have.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

*Re: Should I tell the other guy's wife?*

She deserves to know. Then she can make her own decisions.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

*Re: Should I tell the other guy's wife?*

Well, for me this isn't a "moral" dilemma. She deserves to know the truth I'd have no qualms in telling her. All of those outcomes would be the result of his actions not you telling. I'd say tell. My opinion is always to tell. 100% of the time.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

VermiciousKnid said:


> The fact that she had her "come to Jesus" moment and still lied means your case is hopeless in my opinion. When they have a chance to come clean, knowing that you've investigated, and then still lie there's not really much to work with there. That marriage and life you're dreading losing is already lost even if you stay together. Don't put yourself through that. I'm in the divorce business and I can tell you after 2+ decades as a divorce attorney not even one of my clients has ever told me they regretted divorcing a cheating spouse. Not one.


You should collaborate with @Taxman on a book.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

"Wife had two affairs"

"She loves me"

These two statements are mutually exclusive. Irreconcilable. They can not exist in the same space at the same time. That's all you need to understand. Time to turn off the emotion and look at this with eyes wide open.


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## SweetAndSour (Feb 25, 2012)

*Re: Should I talk to my kids about my wife's affairs?*



Slcaj said:


> I recently found out the my wife has had two affairs in the last year. The final state of our marriage is still up in the air, but divorce is definitely a strong option.
> 
> We have three kids together, ages 8, 7, and 4, so they're not really old enough to understand, but as petty as it sounds, if we do get a divorce, *I want them to know it wasn't my fault.*
> 
> ...


MAKE SURE THEY KNOW THAT IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT.

Your kids are still in very tender ages, their personalities are still developing. Letting them now that their mother is BAD will damage their mental health.

I understand the urge to let them know what mommy did, at times like when they miss and cry for their mommy. I've been there. 

Time will come when they are grown and able to process the reality without harm. But keep your cool for now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Slcaj

I merged your 4 threads into one. Only one thread on a topic please.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

@Slcaj

I am a former WW. Want to know what happened after I had my first 2 affairs and my ex stayed married to me? I had 4 more and then fell in love with an AP and filed for divorce. Just some food for thought.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> @Slcaj
> 
> I am a former WW. Want to know what happened after I had my first 2 affairs and my ex stayed married to me? I had 4 more and then fell in love with an AP and filed for divorce. Just some food for thought.


That happened to a man I know. His wife cheated with 2 men, he forgave her as he is a decent man, she had 2 more and is now married to the 4th. 
How does you AP feel about you cheating 4 times?
Although I guess she was no better.


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## SweetAndSour (Feb 25, 2012)

Slcaj, 

You're thread title is "Wife has had two affairs, but says she still loves me." It may be true. 

I saw such a thing can be true in cheaters eyes, when my wife having her affairs and her reconciliation efforts after that. It makes everything more sick, not better.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> That happened to a man I know. His wife cheated with 2 men, he forgave her as he is a decent man, she had 2 more and is now married to the 4th.
> How does you AP feel about you cheating 4 times?
> Although I guess she was no better.


I assumed you were asking how my AP felt about me cheating 4 times? The phrasing order is a bit confusing. If so, reply below.

It's a really long story and I don't want to threadjack, but I saw a man named M and fell in love at first sight. I just knew he was "it" for me. The other affairs were about enjoying a charming man's company for a few hours here and there and sex. M was much, much, different. Within a few weeks of meeting we had numerous personal talks and some of those included full disclosure of relationship and sexual history. While he didn't like that I was married and had had affairs before, he felt too deeply for me to consider it a dealbreaker. I ended my marriage a few months after meeting M, my divorce was finalized in late October '02, M and I married in early December '02.

To the OP. Your wife has already had more than one affair. The affairs you know about may not be the only ones she has had. If she meets someone she thinks is Mr. Perfect she could very well leave you at short notice. Your whole life could change in a minute at her whim. Consider that when you consider staying married. The woman you married isn't someone you can trust and you have no reason to assume she will stop cheating or that she will stay married to you if she thinks she's found someone "better".


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I’m confused.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

bandit.45 said:


> I’m confused.


Confused about what exactly?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> I assumed you were asking how my AP felt about me cheating 4 times? The phrasing order is a bit confusing. If so, reply below.
> 
> It's a really long story and I don't want to threadjack, but I saw a man named M and fell in love at first sight. I just knew he was "it" for me. The other affairs were about enjoying a charming man's company for a few hours here and there and sex. M was much, much, different. Within a few weeks of meeting we had numerous personal talks and some of those included full disclosure of relationship and sexual history. While he didn't like that I was married and had had affairs before, he felt too deeply for me to consider it a dealbreaker. I ended my marriage a few months after meeting M, my divorce was finalized in late October '02, M and I married in early December '02.
> 
> To the OP. Your wife has already had more than one affair. The affairs you know about may not be the only ones she has had. *If she meets someone she thinks is Mr. Perfect she could very well leave you at short notice*. Your whole life could change in a minute at her whim. Consider that when you consider staying married. The woman you married isn't someone you can trust and you have no reason to assume she will stop cheating or that she will stay married to you if she thinks she's found someone "better".


She's already proven it. Remember the request for divorce she gave OP a year ago? 

Not arguing, just saying you're exactly right---- about her finding Mr. Right and leaving.....


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## Steelman (Mar 5, 2018)

I wouldn't trust her for one second ever again. She's a serial cheater.


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## bluelily (Jul 10, 2018)

After all the pain and tears from the 1st one yet still cheating ? If that's love the I don't want it


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

What she really loves is being able to have affairs and keep her marriage. Best scenario for unfaithful spouses is being able to have fun with minimal or no consequences. That's what she loves. If you leave, will she still love you? If she loves you, what is she willing to do to keep you? Time for her love to be tested. You already showed her your love by staying despite being unfaithful. It's worth finding out to see who you have. Men and women respect spouses who have the courage to protect themselves and there families when wayward spouses act stupid. She says she loves you. Does she respect you though?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Yea, she already tried to grasp another branch but it snapped off the tree, so she reverted back to her plan b branch. With having another PA, so soon after the other, means she's just not marriage material. 

She would have torn apart your family of 5 without giving it a 2nd thought if Mr "Gay dude" would have been willing. But let's be real, not many men are looking to wife up a cheating divorcee with 3 kids. 

OP, you need to do some reading. You'll find that waywards lie. And they do it very well. Do you want to constantly be on spy mode to keep your wife? I'm sure you want to keep the family intact for the children's sake but your wife already did the damage. She's broken and like most serial cheaters not a worthy risk. 

If you don't divorce now out of fear it will be her divorcing you down the road. The signs are there that she's determined to leave you. Making you a part time dad or the welfare of the kids is a very low priority to a woman like this. All that matters is her "happiness."


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Slcaj said:


> I still love my wife, and I love our family and the life we share together, *and I know she does, too. *She wants to try to work things out, and she has now ceased contact with the other men and is actively looking for another job so she won't work with either of them anymore. Is it even worth it to try to work things out, or is it already a lost cause?


If you love the life you share, what ja complaining for. Be happy in it. And I'm sure she does to. Why wouldn't she. She got you keeping the base camp going while she go out and climbs mount studmuffin. On the gay guy banging, my take at first glance is that it was a MMF thing with the gay fellow and her double teaming the other guy.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

She'll probably say she loves you after her third affair too.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

OP, if you really loved your wife,would you cheat? Thats not love.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

First, "the right thing to do" is never the same for everyone. You will not get that answer here or anywhere. We only get a sliver of the whole story. Hence, the concept that YMMV.

Second, your heart and mind are at odds. Let them get closer in sync. Your love may never fade, but the person you love and loved does not exist. I doubt you knowingly chose a lying, manipulative, deceitful, woman who would chose to risk her kids well being repeatedly. That IS who she was and is and you just found out. You love who you thought she was. Its hard to digest when they look, sound and move the same as your imaginary wife.

Divorce is not punishment or an angry reaction. It is a choice one makes in the face of a facts that the marriage contract has been broken or should not continue. Its tough in the short term and disrupts a lot, but it is not as horrific as you fear, even with young kids. It happens all of the time.

She is lying, she has been a cheater and was a serial cheater who seemed to catch feelings for her paramours rather easily. 

Do what you need to do now; later, do what you must do; and then later, do the right thing for you. They may all be the same, different or a combination.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Sicaj 

What would you advise a friend to do if he told you your exact story? From what I can see you want to reconcile, but that takes tremendous effort from both of you. You mentioned that you’ve had troubles, thought it was getting better, and it was except that your wife was lying. Scratch that, she wasn’t lying, she still is. How do you reconcile with lies? So I’ll show you some areas of question you should be alarmed about.

Wife said sex wasn’t planned, texts prove it was planned.

Wife had an affair previously.

First guy was gay.
First guy is married with kids.
First guy she spent having sex with multiple times.
First guy she spent together in a hotel for several days. She didn’t sleep in her room.
Just may be slightly possible that this man isn’t gay, maybe you could say it’s cheater script talking. 

The second affair, she says was a stupid mistake and you were inclined to believe this. I make mistakes too, but having sex with someone is a choice. You said it happened in a moment of weakness in her words, yet you thought your marriage was improving. What weakness could she possibly have had? Her attention, actions, and emotional thoughts should have been on you, not the strange two desks away. She’s looking for new employment, she should be quitting on the spot to prove by actions that she loves you. Oh, wait, she does love you, but I would question that. She loves you so much she has only confirmed what you know, admitted to nothing you didn’t really. Downplayed the first affair, lied about the second, that’s true love buddy. 

Now you may think I’m being harsh, or a jerk for lack of a better word, it’s true, I am. So I’m going to tell you why I’m being this way with you. Because you’re being played, she doesn’t love you, only what you provide. You can’t see this though, so you come here protecting her and her actions while pouring your heart out. You say you love her, I say you love what you thought she was, a big difference. Have her served at work, let all the others see there is consequences, but more importantly, your wife is given a consequence. Outing her on Facebook, I’d get the terms of your divorce first. Exposure, far and wide to family with copies of your proof, nothing left to argue then. Expose to her affair partner spouses, watch how mad your wife gets because she will protect them, not you. Lawyer up, give your lovely wife the lawyers business card, all communication goes through him. File the reason as adultery and list the other men as the reasons. Stop talking to your wife unless about the kids. Now watch how she is, don’t listen to her words, she will lie, watch her actions. Best of luck.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I doubt very much that OP will do anything. This, we had seen it countless of times in this forum. 
Obviously, OP lacks, self-respect, confidence, and probably wouldn't know what to do without his wife. He'll stay with her at all cost. That is until she actually leaves him; which, obviously, eventually she'll do, when she catches a better sucker.
Hopefully, I'm wrong.


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## bluelily (Jul 10, 2018)

In the end its the action that counts, words are easy to be said


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

drifting on said:


> she says was a stupid mistake and you were inclined to believe this.


When they say, "It was a mistake", it means "I carelessly left the evidence lying around and you weren't as stupid as I thought."


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Wife had two affairs, THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT!

She has lost any respect for you, but she does not want anymore consequences than necessary.

She does not love you, which is not the same as saying she has no feelings for you. She is just generally indifferent to how you feel.

She can act all "into you", because, well, women are really good at that.

She no longer looks to you to meet her real emotional/romantic needs. She approaches her emotional/romantic needs like someone who binges on their favorite comfort food.

This is not a "logical, or mature" approach to her needs or relationship to you or your marriage/family. She is broken, and this behavior will likely continue.

She is throwing herself out there, and is an easy targer for people who just want to use her.

You will never be able to really trust her again.

I'm sorry.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

PEOPLE!!!!

Why is everyone so eager to provide advice and insight to someone that has not even logged in to read since a a few hrs after joining TAM.

Lots of advice has been given and lots of questions have been asked... I hope he returns so we can help him, but he hasn't returned..


In a nut shell we can't help someone if they won't let us help them...


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## Demot321 (May 3, 2018)

seadoug105 said:


> PEOPLE!!!!
> 
> Why is everyone so eager to provide advice and insight to someone that has not even logged in to read since a a few hrs after joining TAM.
> 
> ...


Probably true for this thread, but the last few post help me. My wife was almost exactly like OP wife. 

Lies, multiple affairs, and I tricked my mind into thinking she could change or that we were ok. 

If the OP ever does come back I would say no contact is the only way to heal and detach from a cheating and emotionally abusive wife like his.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

Demot321 said:


> Probably true for this thread, but the last few post help me. My wife was almost exactly like OP wife.
> 
> Lies, multiple affairs, and I tricked my mind into thinking she could change or that we were ok.
> 
> If the OP ever does come back I would say no contact is the only way to heal and detach from a cheating and emotionally abusive wife like his.


I stand corrected.

I truly never thought of how much it could help those in a similar situation.

I hope this has helped you get on the path to your life without infidelity.


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