# Been doing some thinking



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I am now entering the final quarter of my third year post divorce. I continue to be amazed at how I am now able to put things back in perspective and release my anger now. compared to when I first got divorced. Everyday I see new benefits in my new life. New opportunities to grow. New experiences to grow from.

I am sometimes almost ashamed that I had allowed myself to become the person I had become. Even before my divorce I was very unhappy. In fact I could say I had been unhappy most of my life. 

Even when I did have happiness, I gave it away on others. I had tried to live my life according to the expectations of others. 

Perhaps it is just the headiness of my new found understanding but I now feel as though I had allowed others to cage me. I did not realize the gifts that I have (some would say blessings I have been granted)

I am still discovering new ones with each passing day. Some of them are little and many would consider them meaningless, yet they are still new to me and recognizing I have them is a great ego boost.

Each of them make me the person I am today and have shaped my plans for my future. I see much more clearly than I had before as to who and what I wish to become. I know there is no going back to who I was or where I was at. Nor do I want to, which is the biggest change for me. For so long I had hoped for that. Many of my actions had been focused on at least recreating not just my old image of myself, but the actual me and my circumstances. Now I am enjoying getting to know the real me, for the first time in a long time if not for the first time in my life.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Bull**** ynot. You can't possibly be happy without a woman demanding your time and fruit of your labor, holding sex over your head, displaying moodiness and hormonal behavior, and holding you responsible for whether or not her life was fulfilled.
The hell you say......


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> Bull**** ynot. You can't possibly be happy without a woman demanding your time and fruit of your labor, holding sex over your head, displaying moodiness and hormonal behavior, and holding you responsible for whether or not her life was fulfilled.
> The hell you say......


Very true - haha! One thing I discovered is that the truth is the only thing I really owe some one else. That truth starts with me being honest about what I want. I am upfront and honest. I don't demand, it is up them if they want to come for the ride or not. But I will never allow anyone else to use me again. I no longer feel the need to give myself away to please everyone else.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ynot said:


> Very true - haha! One thing I discovered is that the truth is the only thing I really owe some one else. That truth starts with me being honest about what I want. I am upfront and honest. I don't demand, it is up them if they want to come for the ride or not. But I will never allow anyone else to use me again. I no longer feel the need to give myself away to please everyone else.


Good job.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I remember when you first came here. Angry and lashing out. You have come a long way sir and good for you. The journey continues for us all. No sense holding onto the past when we can instead focus on building our future


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

In your marriage state:

Two oxen yoked and joined at the neck and back.

Four legs each. Four going left, four going right.

Your' marital hitched cart, saw no forward motion, sawed the air, back and forth.

Joined at the neck and back, the two oxen minds freewheeled, plotting disparate paths.

Until, one or the other, the marriage cart tipped.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

You and I are almost carbon copies, and let me tell you. I (months from 6 years) can say that it only KEEPS getting better!


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Glad for you that you've reached that place! Being aware of and happy with who you are when you're alone is a real challenge . "Count your blessings" always sounded so trite when my grandma used to say it. But yeah, looking at your life and your approach to happiness when everything goes belly up can open you up to embracing the amazing things you have in your life - whether that's appreciating the small and beautiful things in nature, like a fallen leaf, or appreciating your family and loyal friends. Me from 6 years ago would cringe at how hippy dippy, granola that sounds, but there you have it.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

joannacroc said:


> Glad for you that you've reached that place! Being aware of and happy with who you are when you're alone is a real challenge . "Count your blessings" always sounded so trite when my grandma used to say it. But yeah, looking at your life and your approach to happiness when everything goes belly up can open you up to embracing the amazing things you have in your life - whether that's appreciating the small and beautiful things in nature, like a fallen leaf, or appreciating your family and loyal friends. Me from 6 years ago would cringe at how hippy dippy, granola that sounds, but there you have it.


Yes, one of the new aspects of being aware of and happy with who I am, is that I now question as to whether I may be a bit too picky sometimes. That is a polar change from "anybody is better than nobody" post divorce which followed the "must maintain this relationship at any cost" of the long term marriage.
I have gone from desperation to a state of what I can only describe as near complacency at times. I used to look for things to do, now I find myself looking for time by myself to get away from others.


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