# Just curious



## Emtpy (May 1, 2013)

If there are serious sexual problems in a marriage from the very beginning and it goes on for 20+ years, how many of you men would stay? Just curious.
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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Not me. Having a positive sexual relationship with one's wife is, IMO, part of the sanctity of marriage.

However, if I accepted it from the beginning, it would be kind of crappy for me to call her on it 20 years downrange.

Hence, I might have lasted a month or so and realized it just wasn't going to work for me.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

20+ years? She's way out of warranty. You've got to keep her.


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## Emtpy (May 1, 2013)

What if she doesn't want you to keep her? She thinks you deserve a chance at having that in a marriage?
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## Jax10 (Oct 22, 2012)

Well, first off, every marriage should have a sexual balance between the two partners. Both need to be satisfied - perhaps one giving more, or one getting less or whatever.

That being said, personally, I don't think I would be happy with the out of balance. I like sex. I suppose if I didn't then perhaps I wouldn't care. But my guess is that inevitably if things are out of balance either people suffer through it or someone cheats...and that can't be good.

My thoughts anyway.

So the bottom line is....I'd have to do some soul searching whether it was 20 years, 40 years or even just 1.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

If she doesn't want me to keep her and thinks I deserve a chance at having that in a marriage...well, I'd call that a Get Outta Jail Free card and I'd run past GO, collect $200 and get an online uncontested divorce for a couple hundred bucks!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I agree with Dig. If you accepted it for 20 years, you have a responsibility to make an effort at righting it, before you just D. Remember D doesn't fix a relationship, it only ends one. 

What have you done so far? 

Does he know the extent of your feelings? 

Have you sought counseling with in the church or privately? 

Or have you held on to these feeling so long, you've convinced yourself there is no going back?


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## FrustratedHub (Oct 28, 2011)

Thats a tough question as you noted the problems had been there from the very beginning, a known quantity as it were.

Would need a lot more detailed info to give a competent response.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Empty -

From your original post it seems you have never felt that physical connection with your husband. You married to escape a bad situation and he was a nice, stable man - what you probably needed at that time in your life.

If there isn't anything that turns you OFF, could you try a counselor? You have a relationship build on what seems like an otherwise strong foundation of caring, mutual respect and admiration. Can those feelings be fanned into flames? As a divorced person it is not necessarily better on the dating front. You may find spark with one but realize in a few years you no longer respect or admire the new man for whatever reason and may regret the comfortable platonic love you have with your husband. 

Can you focus on the great things about him and try to be sexual toward him to the point you can being to want his kiss, his touch? Have you tried individual counseling, marriage counseling or a sex therapist? 

I just want you to be sure you try all of the avenues to making that spark happen?


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