# Are men wrong for being angry when their wives let themselves go?



## nirvana

Among my friend circle, everyone is in their late 30s and early 40s. This is the age when things can go south and quickly. While my wife watches what she eats, exercises and keeps up with fashion (within reason), a number of my friends' wives have let themselves go, having put on a lot of weight, resulting in them wearing frumpy "one size fits all" kind of clothes. Shallow or not, we men like our wives to be pretty and hot. That's just how things are.

Barring any health issue, I think it is important for both husbands and wives to keep themselves fit as much as possible. I notice that some of my friends check out other women when we all go out, to a level more than acceptable. Some quite openly. One time my wife saw one of our friends looking at college age girls when we went on a road trip. He was nudging me and asking me to look as well. We have known them for about 15 years and old pictures show his wife as fit and trim but now she looks overweight and unfashionable and worse, doesn't seem to care enough to do something about it. She does not go to the gym and exercise and reluctantly goes on walks. On top of it, she does not want to take up a job and is a SAHM though her kids are around 10 and don't need her to be around all the time. I wonder what she does all day. I compare this with my wife who is well put together and has been working for a year now and I admire her for making use of her intelligence and I love to see the confidence on her face.

So my question is can you blame husbands for being annoyed at their wives when the let themselves go? Or is it not justified?


----------



## Fozzy

A person can find all sorts of reasons to be annoyed when a spouse doesn't live up to their expectations. And that knife cuts both ways.


----------



## tech-novelist

Yes, it is justified. So is the reverse, when husbands let themselves go.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Have your friends who look at college and women kept themselves up? 

Both partners should make efforts to maintain their appearance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NobodySpecial

Fozzy said:


> A person can find all sorts of reasons to be annoyed when a spouse doesn't live up to their expectations. And that knife cuts both ways.


Spot, frickin, on.


----------



## FormerSelf

The door swings both ways, so I'd be very careful about having my ducks in order before I start speaking to my spouse about letting herself go. And even then, I'd still be very careful:


----------



## Forest

If either allows themselves to very out of shape and neglectful of their appearance, they are being inconsiderate of their partner, IMO. 

Its not popular to mention because people feel compelled to rail on anyone that brings it up. I'm sure people can trot out stats to show that its all equal between the sexes, but that's not at all what my eyes tell me.

Its much more pronounced now than it was 30 years ago. Very shocking.


----------



## GusPolinski




----------



## Rowan

I think it's important for _both_ partners to strive to remain attractive for one another. While I don't think it's "wrong" for men to be angry if their wives are no longer trying to remain attractive, I think anger about it is usually an unproductive way to approach the problem. Most people, men and women, tend to react negatively and defensively to their partner's anger. So the risk is that being mad at your partner isn't going to motivate them to change. Nor is ogling more attractive members of the opposite sex while seething at your partner. 

One of the myriad things that bothered my ex-husband was my weight. He was angry with me about it. I was a size 12, which at my height was clinically overweight. He was wearing pants with a 40" waist. At his height, that meant he was clinically obese. But the problem, obviously, was that _I_ had let myself go.......

In my case, it turns out that I'm a stress eater. I didn't know that because in my entire adult life, I'd never not been _very_ stressed. I mean, I was on medications for anxiety, depression, heart palpitations, migraines and high blood pressure by the time I was 32. For me, remaining attractive required me to reduce the overwhelming stress in my life. Once I did that, I was able to come off all my medications. I also lost a fair amount of weight with extremely minimal effort, simply because I don't stress eat anymore.


----------



## anonmd

Not sure how much "letting herself go" is included in your question. 

Women's bodies change as they have kids and move through life and it isn't all one necessarily in one direction. My wife was about 118 the day I married her and has varied between that up to 155'ish and back to the 120's. And yeah, there were a few years of the aforementioned one piece type clothes. Not once in 20 year's was I not attracted to her or think she was "letting herself go". 

I suppose if she got to 200 or something maybe but if you think your wife is going to look like a 30 year old on the prowl forever maybe stay single


----------



## Constable Odo

My SO has already told me if I get fat she'll dump me. So, I already know her expectations and exactly where I stand. Conversely, this is why I insisted on a BMI clause in our pre-nup, so if she lets herself go she gets less in the property settlement.


----------



## Shoto1984

nirvana said:


> Barring any health issue, I think it is important for both husbands and wives to keep themselves fit as much as possible.
> 
> *As you can see, there seems to be general agreement on this.
> *
> So my question is can you blame husbands for being annoyed at their wives when the let themselves go? Or is it not justified?
> 
> *So no you can't blame a husband or wife for being annoyed when their spouse lets themselves go. I wouldn't just include the physical aspect thought. The same concept holds for mental, emotional and sexual elements of the marriage. If one person lets themselves go its on par with holding the other person hostage. I call it "marriage fraud" ie I attracted you with this package but now that we're married and its hard for you to get away you're getting something very different AND you're the bad guy/girl if you aren't OK with that. *


----------



## nirvana

lifeistooshort said:


> Have your friends who look at college and women kept themselves up?
> 
> Both partners should make efforts to maintain their appearance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Most of my friends (both men and women) from school are now paunchy and frumpy, except for a few. They are all early 40s and to early to give up on life. The ones in India are even more so because of lack of fitness awareness and facilities. In some parts of India, it is considered to be "prosperous" to be fat and people look down on you if you were skinny. I was taunted a lot for being thin as a kid, but now that has turned out to work in my favor. 

Among my friends here in the US, I see all kinds. Husbands who are trim/fat with wives who are fat/lazy/frumpy. Many where both husband and wife are fat and frumpy. Extremely few where wife is fit and fashionable, while the husband is fat and dowdy.

Even fewer where both husband and wife are fit and that includes us, and a few others we know who both exercise and the wives look good.

My wife's coworker is a woman who is obese. Her husband is fit and trim and is not happy with her appearance. She told my wife that she is going in for liposuction. The problem is that she eats a lot of junk food every afternoon and also for dinner as she hates to cook. She does no exercise.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Frankly, it's hard for anybody to NOT to let themselves go, as that's what bodies like to do as we age, but it's even harder for women, I think. Pregnancy wreaks havoc on a woman's body, and parenthood is a drain on anyone's energy, but even worse for a mom because parenting effort is still not fairly divided by gender.

When you're young and single and dating and have a small apartment you're hardly ever in, the metabolism works great and there's lots of incentive and time to work out a lot.

When you're middle-aged and married and parenting, the metabolism works less well, and time and effort are more devoted to children and employment and chores in the large house than they are to working out.


----------



## Fozzy

After 20 years and 3 kids, my wife doesn't look like she did when she was 19. I'm still attracted to her, and I couldn't give a flying rip what my coworkers or hers think about that fact.


----------



## thread the needle

I give points for trying too and working with whatever challenges you have to work with genetically and financially to keep yourself at least in style and reasonably fit. 

I have little respect for those that do nothing whatsoever to work with what they have with at last an average level of effort. 

Zero effort and effort that is way below reasonable expectations is crap. 

Since I think some level of complacency is common, I can live with that but being absolutely devoid of motivation is not something I can warm up to. 

I know several wives and husbands that are slobs. I don't even associate with them since it's seems to be the same effort they put into everything else in their life as well except maybe video games, gossip, consumer items, junk food and other disgusting distractions.

I don't find someone over doing it appealing either. 

Seems to me all extremes are well..uh..too extreme formy taste. 

It's physically, mentally and spiritually healthy folks I want to spend my time with.


----------



## nirvana

Fozzy said:


> After 20 years and 3 kids, my wife doesn't look like she did when she was 19. I'm still attracted to her, and I couldn't give a flying rip what my coworkers or hers think about that fact.


Its not about your coworkers, but about you. In the cases I have seen, the wives were slim and trim 10 years ago, and are now fat and frumpy now. There is the usual aging, but I see them also eating a lot and not doing any exercise. It's this that would be annoying to a man who has taken care of himself.


----------



## Fozzy

But why do you care about your coworkers wives? Isn't it possible that some of those coworkers are completely happy with their marriages? Do we really need to hold our acquaintances up to OUR standards?


----------



## Constable Odo

nirvana said:


> Its not about your coworkers, but about you. In the cases I have seen, the wives were slim and trim 10 years ago, and are now fat and frumpy now. There is the usual aging, but I see them also eating a lot and not doing any exercise. It's this that would be annoying to a man who has taken care of himself.


Clearly these husbands didn't have a BMI clause inserted into their pre-nups.


----------



## nirvana

Fozzy said:


> But why do you care about your coworkers wives? Isn't it possible that some of those coworkers are completely happy with their marriages? Do we really need to hold our acquaintances up to OUR standards?


I was just curious because one of these guys openly ogles at college age girls when his wife is around. So much that even my wife noticed him doing that when he was asking me to check someone out. So that made me wonder if he was doing that because his own wife was not fulfilling that need in him. One other time when we all were on a road trip, he told my wife loudly to take his wife out running "so she can lose some weight". The only reason i can think of for him doing that is he is not pleased with his wife's appearance.


----------



## Shoto1984

In the end you get what you settle for. If you want to be fat and frumpy than you will be fat and frumpy. Of course age and kids take a toll, but it doesn't take a less toll on a fit mom/dad than it does on an unfit mom/dad. Its priorities plain and simple.


----------



## EllisRedding

I live with the daily stress of knowing that my wife will leave me the day I can no longer bench press my body weight for reps 

I tend to look at things more from a health standpoint. If my wife or I let ourselves go, to me that is a big FU to the marriage. Obviously the whole attraction thing is one part of it, but I look at more being healthy so we can both be around for a long time for each other and our kids ...


----------



## Fozzy

nirvana said:


> I was just curious because one of these guys openly ogles at college age girls when his wife is around. So much that even my wife noticed him doing that when he was asking me to check someone out. So that made me wonder if he was doing that because his own wife was not fulfilling that need in him. One other time when we all were on a road trip, he told my wife loudly to take his wife out running "so she can lose some weight". The only reason i can think of for him doing that is he is not pleased with his wife's appearance.


A guy that ogles college girls in front of his wife is an insensitive pr!ck, and would be and insensitive pr!ck if his wife was thin also.

My opinion.


----------



## Marduk

nirvana said:


> Its not about your coworkers, but about you. In the cases I have seen, the wives were slim and trim 10 years ago, and are now fat and frumpy now. There is the usual aging, but I see them also eating a lot and not doing any exercise. It's this that would be annoying to a man who has taken care of himself.


In which cases the man should sack up, say to his wife "I'm not attracted to you any more because of your weight, we can work on that or we can work on ending this marriage."

Not by grinding her by checking out other hot babes. That will only send her into more of a shame spiral about her weight, which will make her eat more, which will make her justify it because she's married to an a-hole...

Endless spiral of suck.

All avoidable by being a man about it.


----------



## Marduk

Fozzy said:


> A guy that ogles college girls in front of his wife is an insensitive pr!ck, and would be and insensitive pr!ck if his wife was thin also.
> 
> My opinion.


Went to a soiree recently (it was really called that). Was a bunch of people dressed up really, really well. We went with my wife's friends.

Two of the husbands were openly gawking the hot babes. And there was some serious hot babeage there.

When we came home, my wife commented on it, and thanked me for my discretion. I never hid glancing at one of them, but neither did I gawk or comment about it.

All of our wives are super hot and fit btw.


----------



## EllisRedding

marduk said:


> Went to a soiree recently (it was really called that). Was a bunch of people dressed up really, really well. We went with my wife's friends.
> 
> Two of the husbands were openly gawking the hot babes. And there was some serious hot babeage there.
> 
> When we came home, my wife commented on it, and thanked me for my discretion. I never hid glancing at one of them, but neither did I gawk or comment about it.
> 
> All of our wives are super hot and fit btw.


What I don't get, do these guys just not realize how much gawking they are doing, or they just don't give a $hit?


----------



## Marduk

EllisRedding said:


> What I don't get, do these guys just not realize how much gawking they are doing, or they just don't give a $hit?


They don't give a ****. They think it's funny. Frat boy stuff.

They also don't get laid a lot from their hot wives and complain about it.

I wonder if there's a connection there?


----------



## changedbeliefs

marduk said:


> They also don't get laid a lot from their hot wives and complain about it.


There's so much more nuance to this issue. On one hand, guys are made to feel like, as long as they have an attractive woman willing to have sex with them, they haven't a right to complain about anything. The entire courting process has looks and attraction at its very core. Meanwhile, they'll still get constantly hammered for being shallow or only caring about looks (weight, etc...), "ogling" other attractive women. Every social media pic of a couple: "OMG, [girl] you're so beautiful!! [Guy], you're so lucky!"

Then, insinuate that there is anything about the girl that is (or has become) unattractive to the guy, and he's a monster. Heck, a single guy couldn't even stand up and say he's not attracted to overweight women in general without getting blasted. It all devolves into, "guys, it doesn't matter the case, so what if she's pretty or ugly, fit or fat, you've got a girl willing to put up with you, shut up and be happy." At the same time, we inundate the airwaves of "how a man should treat a lady," the woman is the queen, keep chivalry alive, add on the homage to SAHMs.... Add it all up, it's so one-sided, it's amazing. You will never hear the sentiment, "[Girl], your husband is so attractive, you should just consider yourself lucky!"

"My wife is letting herself go."
"Shut up, that's so mean, that shouldn't matter!"

"My wife is hot, but I'm not happy."
"What do you mean, she's hot, what's the problem???"

One of the many issues to which there could be pages and pages of debate and never land on a conclusion that doesn't contradict with a hundred other notions.


----------



## nirvana

Fozzy said:


> A guy that ogles college girls in front of his wife is an insensitive pr!ck, and would be and insensitive pr!ck if his wife was thin also.
> 
> My opinion.


Well, in this particular case, when his wife was thin(ner), he would tell her to relax and not take much stress loudly and openly so that the other ladies heard it and thought what an awesome husband he was. Then his career began to do well, so he told her to relax even more and she didn't need to do anything. I did get some flak from my wife in those days because I said nothing of the sort and actually said that I hope that she got back to working some day (she was a SAHM). 10 years later, she took her husband's words to heart and hasn't been doing much and has put on a lot of weight and her husband makes fun of her in public which is very unfortunate since he was the one who put her down this path actively encouraging her.


----------



## Marduk

changedbeliefs said:


> There's so much more nuance to this issue. On one hand, guys are made to feel like, as long as they have an attractive woman willing to have sex with them, they haven't a right to complain about anything. The entire courting process has looks and attraction at its very core. Meanwhile, they'll still get constantly hammered for being shallow or only caring about looks (weight, etc...), "ogling" other attractive women. Every social media pic of a couple: "OMG, [girl] you're so beautiful!! [Guy], you're so lucky!"
> 
> Then, insinuate that there is anything about the girl that is (or has become) unattractive to the guy, and he's a monster. Heck, a single guy couldn't even stand up and say he's not attracted to overweight women in general without getting blasted. It all devolves into, "guys, it doesn't matter the case, so what if she's pretty or ugly, fit or fat, you've got a girl willing to put up with you, shut up and be happy." At the same time, we inundate the airwaves of "how a man should treat a lady," the woman is the queen, keep chivalry alive, add on the homage to SAHMs.... Add it all up, it's so one-sided, it's amazing. You will never hear the sentiment, "[Girl], your husband is so attractive, you should just consider yourself lucky!"
> 
> "My wife is letting herself go."
> "Shut up, that's so mean, that shouldn't matter!"
> 
> "My wife is hot, but I'm not happy."
> "What do you mean, she's hot, what's the problem???"
> 
> One of the many issues to which there could be pages and pages of debate and never land on a conclusion that doesn't contradict with a hundred other notions.


I don't think so.

I think the thing is to not let yourself get all tied up in knots about it and be honest with your partner. In a loving, compassionate way, right?


----------



## Faithful Wife

changedbeliefs said:


> You will never hear the sentiment, "[Girl], your husband is so attractive, you should just consider yourself lucky!".


I hear this all the time. Then they ask me if he has a single brother.

Then when they find out he is also a sex god, opens doors for me, is handy and fixes everything, and is kind to my mother....they ask me for tips on how to find another one like him.

But it always starts out with how attractive he is.


----------



## MEM2020

So you're in the room with a woman who has gained weight and her incredibly disrespectful husband and you notice - her weight. 

Don't get me wrong, I get the basic sentiment here. Even had a conversation with M2 about us both staying fit after marrying. 

But that doesn't excuse a H publicly humiliating his wife like that. 

Nor does it excuse overt ogling. That's just ugly conduct. 




nirvana said:


> I was just curious because one of these guys openly ogles at college age girls when his wife is around. So much that even my wife noticed him doing that when he was asking me to check someone out. So that made me wonder if he was doing that because his own wife was not fulfilling that need in him. One other time when we all were on a road trip, he told my wife loudly to take his wife out running "so she can lose some weight". The only reason i can think of for him doing that is he is not pleased with his wife's appearance.


----------



## Marduk

Faithful Wife said:


> I hear this all the time. Then they ask me if he has a single brother.
> 
> Then when they find out he is also a sex god, opens doors for me, is handy and fixes everything, and is kind to my mother....they ask me for tips on how to find another one like him.
> 
> But it always starts out with how attractive he is.


How do they find out he's a sex god?

Is it, like, on his business card or something?

FW's Husband
Super hot sex god, door opener, handy fixit-guy, and nice to his mother in law.

> does not take requests for new wives

[email protected]
1-800-FWS-HSBD
#attractivesexgodnicetomymotherinlaw


----------



## Faithful Wife

marduk said:


> How do they find out he's a sex god?
> 
> Is it, like, on his business card or something?
> 
> FW's Husband
> Super hot sex god, door opener, handy fixit-guy, and nice to his mother in law.
> 
> > does not take requests for new wives
> 
> [email protected]
> 1-800-FWS-HSBD
> #attractivesexgodnicetomymotherinlaw


If they get to know me, I'm very open about such things (if they are open to my openness). I do also have that sex blog called I Married a Sex God and all, that's usually a tip off.

ETA: Sometimes they know me through my blog first, THEN see his picture. Sometimes it is a woman we've met at a party and then get to be closer friends/acquaintances later. But sometimes it is a woman who knows nothing else about him or us, and in that case, she just knows he's hot.  Or there is the occasional highly sexual woman who spots him with her sex-dar and doesn't need confirmation to "just know" he's a sex god. We can see each other out there in the wild.


----------



## Forest

marduk said:


> How do they find out he's a sex god?
> 
> Is it, like, on his business card or something?
> 
> FW's Husband
> Super hot sex god, door opener, handy fixit-guy, and nice to his mother in law.
> 
> > does not take requests for new wives
> 
> [email protected]
> 1-800-FWS-HSBD
> #attractivesexgodnicetomymotherinlaw


This is the internet, after all.


----------



## EllisRedding

Forest said:


> This is the internet, after all.


lol............


----------



## Faithful Wife

Yeah Marduk how dare you actually talk to me as if I am an actual person and not a troll? Especially here in the Good Old Boys Club...I mean the Men's Clubhouse. You should know better than to encourage me, all your other menz here will shame you for it. Because that's mature. And because you need to be shamed. SHAME on you! I mean how DARE you think for yourself? You are supposed to follow some of the pack here, the ones who can't stand me and make posts about me pretending they aren't talking about me. How dare you not follow them and do what they are telling you to do and ignore me and mock me! Really now, they are going to take your man card away.


----------



## lifeisbetterthanalternat

Absofrikinlutely, BOTH men and WOMEN can be pissed/angry/upset if the other doesn't work at the marriage. Making reasonable attempts to stay fit/trim is one thing that partners should work toward. Not just for their partners but for themselves. 

Granted some men and women may, because of the rigors of child rearing and with age may never make it back to their prime shape. That said way too many people simply give up sighting not enough time to go to the gym. Meanwhile they continue to have their 4th , 5th or more drink...a pile of fattening food etc. 

Regardless gawking other women should always be a no no


----------



## john117

Fozzy said:


> A guy that ogles college girls in front of his wife is an insensitive pr!ck, and would be and insensitive pr!ck if his wife was thin also.



Unless you're at the right campus most 20 somethings there aren't that great... Not all. But a good number.

Sorority girls, maybe  but science / engineering? Brrrrr. Wifey and I attended a very respected science / engineering school and wifey at 35-40 looked far better than most of her fellow students...


----------



## nirvana

MEM11363 said:


> So you're in the room with a woman who has gained weight and her incredibly disrespectful husband and you notice - her weight.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I get the basic sentiment here. Even had a conversation with M2 about us both staying fit after marrying.
> 
> But that doesn't excuse a H publicly humiliating his wife like that.
> 
> Nor does it excuse overt ogling. That's just ugly conduct.


I've known the couple since 2002. I have known her when she was much thinner and now that she is not. I did not *just* notice it now. Even my wife has commented to me on it.


----------



## nirvana

john117 said:


> Unless you're at the right campus most 20 somethings there aren't that great... Not all. But a good number.
> 
> Sorority girls, maybe  but science / engineering? Brrrrr. Wifey and I attended a very respected science / engineering school and wifey at 35-40 looked far better than most of her fellow students...



These could have been high school girls. They were on a school trip to the capital. They all looked very mature and developed so hard to say. I agree it was disrespectful to do that openly and try to involve me as well.


----------



## nirvana

My wife just completed a Half Marathon today.  Very proud of her. I am attempting mine next weekend. Thank God she takes care of herself and us all. Very lucky.


----------



## MountainRunner

nirvana said:


> My wife just completed a Half Marathon today.


That is awesome. I love the half. Is this her first? Please extend my congratulations as well. What was her average pace if I may ask?


----------



## EllisRedding

nirvana said:


> My wife just completed a Half Marathon today.  Very proud of her. I am attempting mine next weekend. Thank God she takes care of herself and us all. Very lucky.


Awesome! My wife did a half about 4 years ago. IMO running stinks :grin2: Best luck next weekend Nirvana!


----------



## MountainRunner

EllisRedding said:


> Awesome! My wife did a half about 4 years ago. IMO running stinks :grin2: Best luck next weekend Nirvana!


I hated running at first too. I still remember the day that it changed for me. There I was on the "dreadmill" running and telling myself how much it sucked. 26 minutes in, a feeling washed through me and suddenly I felt as if I could just keep running. It was the elusive "runners high", or "second wind" I suppose. I can say unequivocally that it is real. And please forgive the brainfart...Good luck on your Half next week @nirvana! You shooting for a specific time or just looking to finish. I say I love the half, but there is no denying that it is tough.


----------



## arbitrator

*I really feel that the preeminent question here is: "Why do men and women alike make a conscious or unconscious choice to just throw in the towel and "let themselves go?"

Exactly what consolation is in it for them?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MountainRunner

And to bring it back to the subject (sorry for the tangent), it happens on both sides. Hell, I let myself go some years ago. Gained weight, smoked (yep), sedentary, bad diet...ugh. It took a wake-up call from the doc to tell me I was fast tracking my way to diabetes. My wife didn't hammer on me, but she did vocalize her concerns when she would see me pound down a whole container of Ben and Jerry's, ya know?

Been over 5 years now that I lost the weight, packed on muscle, living a good, healthy lifestyle. No looking back.


----------



## LainyLove22

As long as the husbands aren't a hypocrite where he too had let himself go hen yes he can be angry in my humble opinion.

It's not easy for any mother to get back in shape after giving birth but if she cared enough not only for her husband but for herself then she would.

I have an 8 year old and a 3 year old where I gained 20 plus pounds each time but a few weeks after giving birth I was at the gym working my ass off.

Today I'm in the best shape I've even been in my life due to the hard work and focus. I do this for my significant other but most importantly for myself. I'm 5'4" and 115 lbs and am proud to be so :smile2:


----------



## Justinian

marduk said:


> How do they find out he's a sex god?
> 
> Is it, like, on his business card or something?


I found out my first day on TAM.


----------



## MountainRunner

Justinian said:


> I found out my first day on TAM.


 @Faithful Wife digs on her husband. Other women do the same here as well and it ain't a bad thing. Besides, what guy wouldn't want their SO to think of him that way, yeah? One time after I finished a half marathon with a particularly good time, my wife looked at me with a sexy leer and said "You're my Adonis"...Yeah, any guy would dig on that coming from his woman...tell me that ain't so.


----------



## nirvana

MountainRunner said:


> That is awesome. I love the half. Is this her first? Please extend my congratulations as well. What was her average pace if I may ask?


Her avg pace was 7:45 mins/km. I want to finish in 7:30 if I can.


----------



## MountainRunner

nirvana said:


> Her avg pace was 7:45 mins/km. I want to finish in 7:30 if I can.


Nice. Great job on her part, and best of luck on your forthcoming HM. Knock'em dead my friend.


----------



## Justinian

MountainRunner said:


> [MENTION=47736]
> 
> ...Yeah, any guy would dig on that coming from his woman...tell me that ain't so.


It is so, and I'm envious.


----------



## GusPolinski

nirvana said:


> I was just curious because *one of these guys openly ogles at college age girls when his wife is around.* So much that even my wife noticed him doing that when he was asking me to check someone out. So that made me wonder if he was doing that because his own wife was not fulfilling that need in him. *One other time when we all were on a road trip, he told my wife loudly to take his wife out running "so she can lose some weight".* The only reason i can think of for him doing that is he is not pleased with his wife's appearance.


You're putting way too much thought into this. After all, it could be that the guy is just an inconsiderate d**chebag.


----------



## lifeistooshort

nirvana said:


> Her avg pace was 7:45 mins/km. I want to finish in 7:30 if I can.


That's an impressive time.....i don't know the km to mile conversion off the top of my head but I think that's a good time. 

I pulled a 7:21/ mile average for the half but I'll admit I'm not really a hard core half trainer. I much prefer 5/10k's but when you're clocking 6:25's for your 5k's it's not huge to run 7:20-7:30 pace, assuming you've done some long trainers.

The full marathon is an entirely different beast.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Constable Odo

Just the thought of running makes me projectile vomit

My dad's a jogger. He's 76 now, but back in his day he use to run of 5-7 miles a day. A 5k for him was a piece of cake.

He tried to get me involved. I tried it. Just couldn't get into it.

I have never gotten that endorphin "high" people who exercise claim they get. All I've ever gotten is "exhausted".

I work with a guy who does 30 minutes on the tread and 30 minutes on the elliptical every morning at 5am before work. I'm thinking of hitting "snooze" at 5am, not the gym.


----------



## MountainRunner

lifeistooshort said:


> That's an impressive time.....i don't know the km to mile conversion off the top of my head but I think that's a good time.
> 
> I pulled a 7:21/ mile average for the half but I'll admit I'm not really a hard core half trainer. I much prefer 5/10k's but when you're clocking 6:25's for your 5k's it's not huge to run 7:20-7:30 pace, assuming you've done some long trainers.
> 
> The full marathon is an entirely different beast.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A full is indeed. I was considering doing my first full later this year, but other things took priority so I haven't been able to get the long runs in too much, so I'm postponing until next year. The half is respectable...Hell even a 10K is respectable, right? Not everyone can get up and run 6.4 miles, right? I have a favorite 10K that I've been running every new years day out in Roseville, CA for the Lou Gehrig's Foundation. Believe it or not, I've never done a 5K. A bit of humor here...When I first began walking/running in 2010 I had no idea what I was doing. I started running and about 4 months later I entered my first race...The Oakland Running Festival Half Marathon! Yep...only been running 4-5 months and I went and ran a HM. 2:18 time and beat the average by 2 whole minutes!

And practically killed myself...My knees were in excruciating pain for weeks. I seriously thought I had permanently injured myself. I can laugh at how ignorant I was about running back then, but the pain certainly wasn't funny at the time. 

Sorry about the threadjack...And now back to our regularly scheduled conversation.


----------



## Constable Odo

Definitely Not The Place You Want To Be A Cunning Linguist


----------



## lifeistooshort

Constable Odo said:


> Just the thought of running makes me projectile vomit
> 
> My dad's a jogger. He's 76 now, but back in his day he use to run of 5-7 miles a day. A 5k for him was a piece of cake.
> 
> He tried to get me involved. I tried it. Just couldn't get into it.
> 
> I have never gotten that endorphin "high" people who exercise claim they get. All I've ever gotten is "exhausted".
> 
> I work with a guy who does 30 minutes on the tread and 30 minutes on the elliptical every morning at 5am before work. I'm thinking of hitting "snooze" at 5am, not the gym.



Eh, I've been running for 26 years and sometimes I feel like that. Like this morning, when I went out for 10 miles in the god awful Florida heat and humidity and I'm leaving a trail of sweat and the air is so heavy you can't suck full breaths.

But I'm used to it and so I go. 

But let's be honest, for most people staying in shape is not easy. It's not in our nature.....humans want to eat rich food and be lazy. The tenets of our ancestors don't only apply to mate selection, they apply here too.

And kids do things to your body. 

Our environment is very toxic, easy access to lots of garbage food, sedentary lifestyle/jobs, aging. .... the odds are stacked against us.

It's kind of an irony that so many middle aged and older people want young people when they really have little to offer. Sure they can bring money but that's all it is, they don't look as good as young people so even if you get it you have to know your partner probably takes your money and gets turned on by younger people.

So while we all should make the effort let's have a little compassion for what's involved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Marduk

Faithful Wife said:


> Yeah Marduk how dare you actually talk to me as if I am an actual person and not a troll? Especially here in the Good Old Boys Club...I mean the Men's Clubhouse. You should know better than to encourage me, all your other menz here will shame you for it. Because that's mature. And because you need to be shamed. SHAME on you! I mean how DARE you think for yourself? You are supposed to follow some of the pack here, the ones who can't stand me and make posts about me pretending they aren't talking about me. How dare you not follow them and do what they are telling you to do and ignore me and mock me! Really now, they are going to take your man card away.


Wait, wait wait...

There's a message here, right? It's like jazz music, I know there's something there I just can't put my finger on it...


----------



## EllisRedding

marduk said:


> Wait, wait wait...
> 
> There's a message here, right? It's like jazz music, I know there's something there I just can't put my finger on it...


Here ya go. The key, don't just print out, but you MUST laminate to make it official. Now no one can ever take away your man card :grin2:


----------



## ariel_angel77

I believe it's definitely justified. Women expect men to keep the romance and affection alive--and other things that they need--and they get highly upset when it doesn't happen and don't even want to have sex, so why wouldn't men expect women to keep up their looks? It's not unreasonable at all. Wives shouldn't feel like they have to look like supermodels, and some men prefer bigger women. I read in His Needs, Her Needs that a woman should aim to stay at the weight she was when she married her husband (aside from pregnancies, obviously). I think it's a good guideline.


----------



## Marduk

EllisRedding said:


> Here ya go. The key, don't just print out, but you MUST laminate to make it official. Now no one can ever take away your man card :grin2:


LOL, I've actually done all that except the tabasco sauce.

But I did once drink Ballentine's scotch, which is pretty ****ty. Does that count?


----------



## NYSWM

you enter into a contract, you have the right to be angry and the right to dump her and look for someone who will live up to the agreement.


----------



## guitaaron

A couple of points:
1. It's not about the weight. It's about the level of effort.
Men are okay with the normal weight gain that goes along with aging and childbirth. It's the 80-100lb gain from sitting on the couch and making zero effort that we have a problem with.
2. You can't control what your spouse or significant other does. You can only control what you do. Work to be the best you can be - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. it will make love and sex better for both of you. If your spouse has decided to let herself or himself go, there's nothing you can do about that.
Hope this helps. -AA


----------



## EleGirl

Zombie thread... 2 years old.


----------

