# Any straight up input woud be appreciated.



## richard5 (Dec 19, 2012)

I will describe my issue below, but at the end of it all, I have one simple question:

Should I continue to have any sort of communication with the woman described below, and if so, under what circumstances. So here goes:

By way of background, I am a medical professional in a surgical discipline for about 20 years and just entered my 5th decade of life. I am also the owner of a company I started in 1980. I have worked extremely hard through out my life to get my education and build my company which incidently I formed back in 1980 prior to beginning professional training, a company I am in the process of taking public. I made a mistake and married a woman whom I was warned was a gold digger by friends, and luckily because I had the presence of mind to draw up a prenumptial agreement, I was able to protect myself from a divorce about 3 years ago. I thought my marriage was a mistake giving how I feel about my life, career, and children of which I have none. But it is what it is. You live and you learn, as we all make mistakes no matter how educated we may be.

Post divorce, I promised myself to stay single, double down on my career, and my business, and began working on my dream house. I also bought a yacht, and began learning to fly. It is important to me to take my company public. In that way, I can move away from the working the long hours I do eventually, and have a more balanced and restful life. I have not been interested in dating. I certainly have no interest in being in any serious relationship least marriage or children. I have just reached that point, and I am very contented and happy with that decision, as truthfully marriage and kids were never high on my agenda from child hood. So where I am emotionally now is just in keeping with the feelings I have always had throught my life.

Now, back on October 8th, 2011, a friend of mind invited me to a party at a friends of theirs house. I declined initially, but that friend encouraged me to go stating I need to go out and have fun as I work too much. So, I relented and went. I had no intention of meeting anyone or forming any relationship giving my mindset.

While at the party, I met this woman who was dancing by herself initially. I was sitting observing this. She was asked to dance by another man, and after, I asked if she would dance with me. I thought it would be a simply dance and nothing else, but while we were dancing, she started to comment on my looks, the way I was dress, and my dancing skills. I did not thought much of it, and after we danced, I went about the room to get me some snacks and talk with other guest.

The time came for me to leave, and the woman and I exchanged numbers. I specifically recall saying to her that it was nice meeting her, thanks for the dance, and say hello sometimes. Well, who told me to do that?! That was the beginning of all my problems.

Shortly thereafter, the woman had done some inquiry and found out about my profession and started calling & texting me non-stop. She would even try to reach me in the middle of my work with patients. When I spoke to her, she would go on and on and I could not get her off the phone. I simply do not have time between two full time jobs to be on the phone talking to some strange woman, but that what she was trying to get me to do. 

Now, I did come to talk with her at length on a few occasions, at times to my regret as I get up 4:30 am each day to go to work M-F, and I allowed her to keep me in conversaton until 3:00 am one morning. I did not get to work that night, and was quite tired throughtout my day. I explained to this woman susequently that I have no interest in any serious relationship, was not interested in re-marrying, but for some reason she does not want to take no for an answer.

She had the audicity to tell me a few months after she met me that she was expecting me to send her a birthday card that December. And all it took was for me to go to Walgreens and buy a .99 cents card. I was in the middle of work when she told me this, and had to set her straight by stating categorically that I did not appreciate her placing demands on me as we were not in any relationship.

I probably should have ended it there, but after a little hiatus, she text me again, and I responded. Over time, she started telling me she loves me which is crazy and how she would like to take care of me and imagine my coming home to a nice hot meal with my clothes washed and folded. I told her I was raised to do those things for myself, and still do. I do not need a woman to do those things.

Forgot to mention, she lives in another state, and once told me she does not understand why I have not jumped on a plane already to see her. She even went on to add mental inticement I guess by describing her body parts. I told her I am not that kind of man, and the best I could offer her was just a straight up true friendship.

Well, I had hoped she understood this as the months have passed. When I think she is holding true to being a friend she has still not let go of some romantic encounter. She sends me pictures of herself, and texts with love in it. I do not do so in kind. There was an additional time that I had to call her on her inappropriate feelings, but when I do, she starts to cry. This makes me upset as I think she is being silly and acting crazy. I have never promised this woman anything....never told her I loved her, never told her I had interest in her in that way, or showed any romanantic interest. Yet she seems fixated on me in a romantic way.

Ive come to learn that she is 12 years older than I am which is not necessarily a problem with me except for one issue as I will explain. She does looks great for her age, and is childless. Now, I have not said this to her, but I have not ruled out 100% not having a kid one day, and if I ever were to get involved in another serious relationship, a post-menopausal woman would not whom I would be looking for.

So, here is the kicker. I had a brief conversation with this woman about 2 weeks ago, and she sort of give me an ultimatum. She stated that it appears we have been speaking in different language after I referred to her as a friend, and she wanted me to let her know where she stood for the New Year. I was stunned, and flabagasted, as I have explained to this woman in more ways than one that I am not interested in any sort of serious relationship right now as I have other more pressing and important priorities, and I simply could not commit to someone giving those priorities and the demands of relationship. But she does not want to hear that,and I am done explaining to her this. So I never called her back.

Now, over the past few weeks, she has been texting me non-stop, calling me non-stop when I am in the middle of procedures, and sending me text messages all hours of the late morning. It's as if she is going crazy. She have left 11 voice messages on my phone of which I have not listened, and multiple text the last one I read where she wrote that she was crying her self to sleep. What the hell is wrong with this woman?! Why is she so fixated on me.

The reason I have not read her text or voice mails is because her goal is to keep her in my thoughts. I see this as a form of manipulation besides craziness, and have decided not to let her occupy my brain with her this madness. I feel like she is stalking me.

I feel like this woman's behavior in the past, and in the past two weeks in particular has placed me between a rock and hard place. The woman I have gotton to know over the phone appears to be a nice woman. I think she is lonely and appears desperate for a man. She is in the process of getting a second divorce, but have been seperated from her second husband for years, but as per her she could not afford at the time to file for divorce as he left her with lots of credit card bills.

I learned from my friend who invited me to the party that this woman has even told her family that she is dating a doc which is a complete fabrication.

I feel there is not more to say to her, and just don't call her ever again because she will never get it in her head that I will never be her lover, husband or whatever. I don't think she will accept friendship and will never be happy around me interacting with other women based on her incessant feelings. Despite this, I do like her as a person, but I don't see based on her actions how I can proceed here. I think her actions have sealed her faith with me. So what do you think? Do you think I should continue to ignore her calls and text and have no further contact, or should I call her and explain in yet again in no uncertain terms that I can only be her friend, and if she can understand and respect that then we can go forward? My friend tells me to get rid of her for good. I feel I should follow their advise, but despite I do not love her in any way, I feel for her situation despite she is giving me hemorhroids. I do not plan on entering 2013 dealing with this mess. I need to make a final decision now. 

Thanks for your imput in advance.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

Oh my. She is crazy and YOU need help. Block her number and that ordeal is over. Then sir...find a good counselor...you are seriously relationally challenged. You sound very intelligent but are seriously lacking in interpersonal skills...if it were not so you would not be wrapped up in the crap that you are in. You are 50....a good number of years left to invest in a relationship that will add beauty to your life. Get yourself healthy so you don't miss out.


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## richard5 (Dec 19, 2012)

youkiddingme said:


> Oh my. She is crazy and YOU need help. Block her number and that ordeal is over. Then sir...find a good counselor...you are seriously relationally challenged. You sound very intelligent but are seriously lacking in interpersonal skills...if it were not so you would not be wrapped up in the crap that you are in. You are 50....a good number of years left to invest in a relationship that will add beauty to your life. Get yourself healthy so you don't miss out.


First thanks for your input. Very much appreciated. You are right in that I do need help. LOL. I admit I have a history of tending to attract the wrong type, (emotionally needy ones) and I am working on that. And I have figured it is because my nature is one of kindness, selflessness, and humility. Many women see me as husband material. Only problem right now, I am simply not interested in any relationship and I tend to be diplomatic about it hoping the other person would take a hint without my being necessarily rude and unpleasant, but it has not been working for me.

I do look forward to a commited long-term relationship in the future, but after my divorce, I am not interested in doing that right now. I would like to spend some time with me for a change.

Again thanks for your input.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Tell her you no longer want to stay in contact with her, and don't get into a whole bunch of reasons why, just that's how you feel. 

Then stop picking up the phone when she calls.

If she doesn't get the message and she probably won't, then block her numbers.

Oh, and lock the doors to your home and check for strange cars and reflections of gun sights in cars when you leave your house or workplace. Learn to duck quickly, and walk in a zigzag pattern for a while.


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## richard5 (Dec 19, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Tell her you no longer want to stay in contact with her, and don't get into a whole bunch of reasons why, just that's how you feel.
> 
> Then stop picking up the phone when she calls.
> 
> ...


Geez...You got me scared now. Have I being playing with fire and did not recognize it? Have I been fatally attracted to? Anyway, advise noted and will be taken.


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## opensesame (Dec 19, 2012)

Regardless of your own issues, if you keep up contact with her you are only leading her up the garden path. Just explain to her that you won't be contacting her again, the reasons why, and then stick to it no matter what she does. Send a clear message. 

This idea of "being friends" makes no sense - you can't be friends with somebody if they are in love with you (or think they are) but you don't feel the same way.


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## richard5 (Dec 19, 2012)

opensesame said:


> Regardless of your own issues, if you keep up contact with her you are only leading her up the garden path. Just explain to her that you won't be contacting her again, the reasons why, and then stick to it no matter what she does. Send a clear message.
> 
> This idea of "being friends" makes no sense - you can't be friends with somebody if they are in love with you (or think they are) but you don't feel the same way.


Everything you said in particular that last sentence makes absolute sense and I have at some point in this mess thought of it, yet here I am on this forum pouring out my guts when I have previoulsy drawn similar conclusions. What is wrong with me?!

Perhaps I am really relationship challenged as the intial contributor mentioned. Oh boy. I think my issue is not wanting to hurt her feelings, therein lies the problem. I have been to darn diplomatic trying to explain stuff rather than coming right out and saying lady I am not interested in you in that way despite she might feel badly. I am always afraid to hurt the other persons feelings, and I have got to change.

That last sentence says it all. That is exactly the conclusion I have arrived at leading me to abstain from contacting her. I shall continue to do so.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> The reason I have not read her text or voice mails is because her goal is to keep her in my thoughts. I see this as a form of manipulation besides craziness, and have decided not to let her occupy my brain with her this madness. I feel like she is stalking me.
> 
> I feel like this woman's behavior in the past, and in the past two weeks in particular has placed me between a rock and hard place.


This woman KNOWS you have money, and she wants it. Just that simple. Not YOU (no offense), YOUR MONEY.

As a woman and a mother I DISAGREE with the advice to call her ONE MORE TIME and tell her you're not going to have anything further to do with her. WRONG MOVE! Calling her ONE MORE TIME (even if it's just to tell her 'we're done') means SHE WINS! In her warped mind, she believes if she bugs you for TWO WEEKS you'll call her. So now she'll call you for TWO MORE WEEKS and expect that *THAT* will be what it takes you annoy you into calling her ONE MORE TIME. Then she will bug you for THREE WEEKS if that's what it takes to make you respond to her (even responding NEGATIVELY is responding...just like with a little child.)

STOP RESPONDING TO HER NOW. IMMEDIATELY. TWO WEEKS AGO. THAT *WAS* YOUR LAST RESPONSE TO HER. Now she is 'dead' to you. BLOCK all of her numbers so your phone will NOT accept calls/texts from her. Block her email address if she sends emails. You cannot respond to anything if you don't receive it.

She is SERIOUSLY *DESPERATE* for your money and your social status. You should have learned from the LAST gold-digger.

Once you block this woman, you will have more time/energy to focus on taking your business public AND getting therapy for yourself to attract healthier relationships in the future!


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## richard5 (Dec 19, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> This woman KNOWS you have money, and she wants it. Just that simple. Not YOU (no offense), YOUR MONEY.
> 
> As a woman and a mother I DISAGREE with the advice to call her ONE MORE TIME and tell her you're not going to have anything further to do with her. WRONG MOVE! Calling her ONE MORE TIME (even if it's just to tell her 'we're done') means SHE WINS! In her warped mind, she believes if she bugs you for TWO WEEKS you'll call her. So now she'll call you for TWO MORE WEEKS and expect that *THAT* will be what it takes you annoy you into calling her ONE MORE TIME. Then she will bug you for THREE WEEKS if that's what it takes to make you respond to her (even responding NEGATIVELY is responding...just like with a little child.)
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for that response. Very much appreciated. In the back of my mind, I was thinking this, but did not want to raise the issue of money. But the truth is, I think that's an issue at play here.

Interestingly, she once told me that she was "not in my class", does not want anything from me (which I doubted), and that she is just a "poor church rat". I agree with your suggestion that I should not contact her again or respond to her texts or voicemails because it will just prolong this madness, and turn this into a non-ending cycle, something I can ill afford, and quite frankly unnerving.

I really feel slightly sad sometimes meeting people and revealing the truth about me. I avoid financial discussions, but ultimately I cannot hide who I am and believe in being truthful. But doing so I am finding out is potentially dangerous. Therein lies my deliema. Whom can I trust? Whom can I be truthful with relative to my finances without them going psyco on me and showing me $$$ in their eyes? Is their hope for people like me when it comes to love and finances?

I wish people would just see me for the decent & simply man I believe that I am rather than see my as some bank or ATM. Sometimes I think life would have been more simple if I were a garbage man or a man with no level or sucess or a penny to my name. Sigh.

Anyway, thanks again.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

Sometimes I think life would have been more simple if I were a garbage man or a man with no level or sucess or a penny to my name. 

Money doesn't bring you happiness (or something to that effect). I totally agree with the others do whatever possible not to communicate with her. But honestly, she doesn't sound like she takes the hints very easily. You may have to this once go against what's natural for you and be outright rude to her. Sounds like she's pretty pushy/brazen. How comfortable would you be having someone (maybe a lawyer friend) draft/send her a certified letter telling her to back off? If you do this, you may even be able to get her for stalking (if there's a law in your state) if she doesn't stop.


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## frootloop (Dec 20, 2010)

I make a decent income myself - since my divorce a few years back, I've dated a few women who clearly (to me) basically wanted a piece of that for themselves. It's tough not to get sucked into that if you're a bit lonely, but time you are wasting with one particular gold digger is precious time you are not finding someone decent.

Personally, I try to make it as far into a meeting conversation as I can without discussing my employment - once I do, I feel like everything the women in question says afterwards is suspect. The deeply in love after two months is something I've seen a few times myself - I have to say that is a blatant red flag.

I'm dating a women now, and she has a decent job herself, and given that its been a couple months, is not at an unreasonable relationship level, no "love" has been mentioned, and she seems to like spending time together, but isn't in a hurry to get all serious. I'm hoping that's a good sign.

Perhaps you could limit yourself to only female doctors until you get your head on straight?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Gold-diggers...

OP, personally if I was you I would just keep a low profile, no point flaunting it if you're not interested, and let your mates know not to let everyone in on your profession, especially not single women.

Invest in a sh-tbox (cheap car) if it's getting a bit too much hehe


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Seems to have built some castle in the air - and it unfortunately seems you haven't maanged to undermine it. Allowing contact to continue seems to have been a bad idea - she doesn't seem like she's viewing the same version of reality as you. 

Probably best for her, and you, to terminate all contact ASAP. And if she does know where you live/work, be very careful. Some people are truly unhinged.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

What a stalker!

You should report her to the police. Seriously, you are too nice for your own good. You say you don't want to hurt her feelings but you should MAN UP and threaten with the police.
And I agree with SGW - don't call her EVER again! Ignore her as much as you can. She should know her calls don't have any sort of impact on you otherwise she'll think she's been effective with all her desperate efforts to have your attention.

Sick woman!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Step away from the crazy lady!!

She's done a bit of digging about you, realised you have money and status and is desperately trying to get a piece of it. You need to stop responding, stop answering her calls, block her number. DO NOT call her back 'one last time' - her manipulation is working because you, an intelligent and seemingly rational man, are actually questioning what you know to be true.


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## richard5 (Dec 19, 2012)

I wish to thank each and every one of you who have responded to my post. I have read them all, and appreciate your thoughtful comments. There is a clear consensus among them that I should have no further communication with this woman. That I will do.

Again, thanks for your input. God Bless & have a wonderful and safe holidays.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> I really feel slightly sad sometimes meeting people and revealing the truth about me. I avoid financial discussions, but ultimately I cannot hide who I am and believe in being truthful. But doing so I am finding out is potentially dangerous. Therein lies my deliema. Whom can I trust? Whom can I be truthful with relative to my finances without them going psyco on me and showing me $$$ in their eyes? Is their hope for people like me when it comes to love and finances?
> 
> I wish people would just see me for the decent & simply man I believe that I am rather than see my as some bank or ATM. Sometimes I think life would have been more simple if I were a garbage man or a man with no level or sucess or a penny to my name. Sigh.


Richard, I do NOT mean this in a 'mean' way, but your opening post was an awful lot of detail about how wealthy you are. I know you are very proud (as you SHOULD BE) of how financially successful you are, BUT...

if you want to quit being harassed by gold-diggers, STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR FINANCES! Don't tell women you're in the 'medical field', tell them you work 'in health care'; don't tell them you have a successful wealthy company you're taking public, tell them you are working hard to try and 'start a little company up'.

IF SHE STILL WANTS TO DATE YOU, then you know she's interested in YOU...RICHARD....NOT in Richard's wallet or perceived bank account.

Talk to your therapist about how to present your life in a way that skirts the REAL issue of your wealth so that women who ARE attracted to you are attracted to you for YOURSELF (the right reason), not your $$$$ (the WRONG reason).

Good luck!


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## richard5 (Dec 19, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Richard, I do NOT mean this in a 'mean' way, but your opening post was an awful lot of detail about how wealthy you are. I know you are very proud (as you SHOULD BE) of how financially successful you are, BUT...
> 
> if you want to quit being harassed by gold-diggers, STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR FINANCES! Don't tell women you're in the 'medical field', tell them you work 'in health care'; don't tell them you have a successful wealthy company you're taking public, tell them you are working hard to try and 'start a little company up'.
> 
> ...


Thanks again for your input, and no I do not think you are being "mean" to me. Indeed, your comments have been quite valuable and thoughtful and I appreciate them. 

Just that you know, when I stated that background info initially, it was just to give the forum a sense of where I am in my life right now, so that you can better respond to me. It was also done to shed some light on my thinking which underlies my reasoning for not desiring of being in any serious committed relationship at this time.

I am very guaded about my private life. I am not a show off in any way. Indeed, in real life, I am quite the opposite of what most people expect. It will be out of character for me to share such details of my life with a stranger. I purposely do not discuss finances with anyone, my job or my business. When asked what I do, I normally tell people I fix computers. 

Unfortunately, while I have been guarded, my friend with whom I am close and do things with, such as going fishing, etc. works in the same field & they were the ones who let the cat out of bag to their friends who are friends with this crazy woman. It quite frankly upset me at first, and I have asked my friend to respect my privacy as I respect theirs.

Nevertheless, the problem still exists that once a person gets to know the truth about me, it appears too often I cannot determine with absolute certainly these people intention/motivations thereafter. So I feel I have to be constantly on guard. 

Being on guard is a necessity but I am not totally comfortable being in that mode all the time. I want to relax and have fun. I dont want to nor do I believe money should become the center of my life. I just would like to be with someone one day, not now, who once they find out the true and complete me, would not try to take advantage of me, and we can have good times & enjoy each other lives without me having to look over my shoulders. That's all.

I will take your advise to talk with a therapist about the way forward whereby women see me for me first and foremost. It's imperative that I do this before I attempt to engage in any new relationship.

Thanks again.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> Shortly thereafter, the woman had done some inquiry and found out about my profession and started calling & texting me non-stop. She would even try to reach me in the middle of my work with patients. When I spoke to her, she would go on and on and I could not get her off the phone. I simply do not have time between two full time jobs to be on the phone talking to some strange woman, but that what she was trying to get me to do.


I don't know how you found out that she'd been making inquiries about your background, but by the sounds of things she knows that she's found herself a 'catch' and she's going to hang on like grim death in the hopes of 'landing' you.

She's hooked you in by bombarding you with attention, so it's hardly any wonder you're confused.

The term bunny boiler springs to mind, and also gold-digger.


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## nekoparkd (Dec 13, 2012)

richard5 said:


> Thanks again for your input, and no I do not think you are being "mean" to me. Indeed, your comments have been quite valuable and thoughtful and I appreciate them.
> 
> Just that you know, when I stated that background info initially, it was just to give the forum a sense of where I am in my life right now, so that you can better respond to me. It was also done to shed some light on my thinking which underlies my reasoning for not desiring of being in any serious committed relationship at this time.
> 
> ...


Hi Richard! I don't want to scare you, but you really need to read _The Gift_ _of Fear_ by Gavin De Becker. It will help you understand and cope with the situation you have found yourself trapped in. Also, I would recommend having your numbers changed to your home, work, and cell phones. You may need to hire an answering service, so that she cannot hear your voice. Often when someone becomes the object of another person's obsession, he or she will blame himself or herself. From what you said about her remarks about your appearance and dancing when you first met (I think I have the detail right?), that she was interviewing you. This is a technique that many people with boundary issues use when selecting someone as a target for his or her romantic obsession. Basically, she was testing you to see how receptive you would be to manipulation. I am glad that you are considering counseling, because it sounds like you may have a problem with being emotionally unavailable to the women in your life. You may yearn for intimacy, but it sounds like you may be using your profession to define who you are too much. You are and should be rightfully proud of what you have accomplished, but all of that is less impressive than your decency as a man and a human being. Anyway, I would recommend that you have a security expert assess your home and business for your own peace of mind and safety. What you have related in your OP greatly concerns me, and I hope that you will take precautions to ensure your safety. A few years ago one of my sisters had a problem with a stalker. She eventually was able to overcome the situation, but it was highly stressful for everyone that cared about her. I wish you all the best in the future. Take care. Neko


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## richard5 (Dec 19, 2012)

nekoparkd said:


> Hi Richard! I don't want to scare you, but you really need to read _The Gift_ _of Fear_ by Gavin De Becker. It will help you understand and cope with the situation you have found yourself trapped in. Also, I would recommend having your numbers changed to your home, work, and cell phones. You may need to hire an answering service, so that she cannot hear your voice. Often when someone becomes the object of another person's obsession, he or she will blame himself or herself. From what you said about her remarks about your appearance and dancing when you first met (I think I have the detail right?), that she was interviewing you. This is a technique that many people with boundary issues use when selecting someone as a target for his or her romantic obsession. Basically, she was testing you to see how receptive you would be to manipulation. I am glad that you are considering counseling, because it sounds like you may have a problem with being emotionally unavailable to the women in your life. You may yearn for intimacy, but it sounds like you may be using your profession to define who you are too much. You are and should be rightfully proud of what you have accomplished, but all of that is less impressive than your decency as a man and a human being. Anyway, I would recommend that you have a security expert assess your home and business for your own peace of mind and safety. What you have related in your OP greatly concerns me, and I hope that you will take precautions to ensure your safety. A few years ago one of my sisters had a problem with a stalker. She eventually was able to overcome the situation, but it was highly stressful for everyone that cared about her. I wish you all the best in the future. Take care. Neko


Thanks for that response Neko. I will be changing my cell and office numbers. My home number is never given out & is private, and I do have an answering service.

Interesting that you pointed out the issue of guilt because in some strange & twisted way I do feel some what to blame for my predicament by not being more forceful with the woman in question. I feel guilty for having talk with her at all. I feel I have some how brougt this on myself by not speaking up sooner rather than later. As crazy as it may sound, I also feel a bit badly cutting her off abruptly despite I know this to be the only option left to me given her behavior and mindset.

Maybe I am niave or socially challenged & slow to the ways of emotionally challenged women such as her, but during the time that woman was asking me those questions on our initial encouter, I totally missed the motive. It was not until further conversation did my ears stood up. 

You mentioned my possibly being emotionally unavailabe to the women in my life and possible being defined by my profession too much. You are absolutely right on the first observation and partial on the latter. Truth is I work quite a bit and very long hours, and I think it is fair to say I am defined by my overall work (not my medical stuff on its own....but just work in general)..., and due to the fact that for some reason as of late I keep running into women with the same for lack of a better word crazy qualites, that combined with a heavy emotionally draining work schedule makes me somewhat emotionally unavailable. 

When my day is done, the last thing I am looking forward to is an emotionally starved mate. I dont have a problem dealing with every day life and relationship issues, but I am talking about someone who is attention hyper seeking, manipulative, excessively emotionally needy, and the whole shabang. I could not keep up with that and my work and not go crazy. Under such circumstances, I think I would be better off driving to the nearest psychiatric hospital, and Baker Acting myself (i.e. Asking for a voluntary 72 hour hold). My work is very intense, and I simply cannot afford to have a personal patient at this time in life. 

At any rate, Neko, thanks for recommending The Gift of Fear. I'll see if I can find it on Amazon or Barnes & Noble.

Kind Regards


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## richard5 (Dec 19, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> I don't know how you found out that she'd been making inquiries about your background, but by the sounds of things she knows that she's found herself a 'catch' and she's going to hang on like grim death in the hopes of 'landing' you.
> 
> She's hooked you in by bombarding you with attention, so it's hardly any wonder you're confused.
> 
> The term bunny boiler springs to mind, and also gold-digger.


The party host (former boyfriend) is her friend, and my friend is also friend with the party host. Inquires were made thru the party host who inquired on her behalf of my friend. It eventually got back to me. I must say the attention was unwanted, and my confusion was how best to shut it down without being mean spirited or rude.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

richard5 said:


> The party host (former boyfriend) is her friend, and my friend is also friend with the party host. Inquires were made thru the party host who inquired on her behalf of my friend. It eventually got back to me. I must say the attention was unwanted, and my confusion was how best to shut it down without being mean spirited or rude.


OP, with women like that I think one has to be blunt. That saying "Hell hath no fury..." - the longer she thinks she's in with a chance, the worse her reaction will be when she realizes she isn't.


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## SoulMeetsBody (Sep 22, 2012)

Don't worry about what some of these people have said, we need more nice, humble people like you in this world. You don't need help, this women needs help. 
And yes, sadly, she's probably after your money. Drop her like a hot potato and focus on what you want to focus on. If her incessant calling and texting is interrupting your daily life, consider changing your phone number. If you can't do that, then you're only other options are to either wait it out, or pick up the phone eventually and threaten a restraining order.

Happy Holidays, and good luck!


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## nekoparkd (Dec 13, 2012)

When my day is done, the last thing I am looking forward to is an emotionally starved mate. I dont have a problem dealing with every day life and relationship issues, but I am talking about someone who is attention hyper seeking, manipulative, excessively emotionally needy, and the whole shabang. I could not keep up with that and my work and not go crazy. 
[/QUOTE] :iagree:

Richard, 
You are quite right to want and need a calm environment at home. No one can thrive with a stressful career and home life. I wanted to apologize to you for adding any additional aggravation to your life. It was presumptuous of me to offer any commentary about your relationships with anyone in your life. You are under a huge strain. I hope everything works out for you. Best regards.


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## SoStrong (Dec 25, 2012)

Does this woman have your home address or work address. Be prepared that if you block her she will show up in person to find out why you aren't having contact with her. You can never underestimate a "crazy" person....they do not think rationally. If you have legal counsel on your payroll maybe they can draft a letter telling her to cease & desist any contact with you. Sometimes it takes a stong hand to make these individuals understand what you're trying to tell them
Good Luck


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

richard5 said:


> I will describe my issue below, but at the end of it all, I have one simple question:
> 
> Should I continue to have any sort of communication with the woman described below, and if so, under what circumstances. So here goes:
> 
> ...


You were a fool to let this continue. Dump her. Walk away, my friend.


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