# Am I Being Paranoid? Naive?



## JessicaLGH (Mar 16, 2021)

Should I be worried he's having an emotional affair? Lately Ive noticed he's been glued to his phone. This isnt something new. Hes always playing games or reading up on his tabletop games or scrolling through social media but things have felt off recently. Hes been turning the screen off or flipping it over if I come in the room when it was facing up before or even turning away from me like he's hiding from me. If I walk in on him masterbating he startles, bad, and trys to hide when I've seen it already and so is turns out to be a poor attempt at pretending he was watching tv. Is it Cecillia again? Or someone new? Lexi? Or someone random? Obviously he's not interested in me sexually since we dont have sex anymore but he still up to jacking off. Am I being naive in thinking that its just stress? Or should I assume the worse? The only people I know he chats up are in California so I know he won't sleep with them, but should I be worried that this is a full on emotional affair? Or that due to the lack of sex in our marriage, he'll find someone new?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Yeah there are more red flags here then a May day parade. 

Am I correct that he cheated before?


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## JessicaLGH (Mar 16, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Yeah there are more red flags here then a May day parade.
> 
> Am I correct that he cheated before?


That's the thing, as far as I know, hes only ever had (what I consider) an emotional affair before but thats twice now. The first person was Cecilia and this has been a continuous thing. It started when we were engaged, I confronted him asked for a break up and he asked for a second chance and he wouldn't do it again. He got it. A year or two later he started feeling distant on his work trips so I snooped and found out he was still talking to her. I didnt bring it up, because she never met up with him and I felt ashamed for snooping. Our marriage had been rocky ever since. And then Lexi popped up and I woke up to him talking to a friend about how complicated a relationship with her would be. One of the reasons was our marriage, no sh**. I confronted him about her, he said she didnt want to ruin our marriage and when I asked him if he wanted a relationship with her he said no. Our marriage spiralled, we considered divorce went to workshops on how to communicate better and we have been good up until today when all the little things started coming back, every little thing I've been ignoring because I felt we were in a good place and just had to put it out there before it utterly consumed me and I tried to explain it away as me being paranoid.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

What beforehand brought this marriage to a head?

And what brought his palm to his little head?

His behavior is obvious, he obviously is doing you underhandily. 
...............................

Only he knows, only you can ask him.

I see that you have already answered.

Sorry, you are here under such circumstances.

I see this being divorce time.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

The fact that he is over here jacking off like a 15 year old instead of pursuing you is enough to leave. Screw him.

You have one life and you shouldn’t have to also wonder if he is cheating. How dare he continue after being caught? He has replaced you....if he doesn’t show interest in change then you should replace him as well. There’s plenty of people who want an actual relationship with one person.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

JessicaLGH said:


> Am I being naive in thinking that its just stress?


Very much, yes.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

The only thing to do is file for divorce. I obviously is sincere about fixing anything. Then talking with other women and possibly worse.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

JessicaLGH said:


> Should I be worried he's having an emotional affair? Lately Ive noticed he's been glued to his phone. This isnt something new. Hes always playing games or reading up on his tabletop games or scrolling through social media but things have felt off recently. Hes been turning the screen off or flipping it over if I come in the room when it was facing up before or even turning away from me like he's hiding from me. If I walk in on him masterbating he startles, bad, and trys to hide when I've seen it already and so is turns out to be a poor attempt at pretending he was watching tv. Is it Cecillia again? Or someone new? Lexi? Or someone random? Obviously he's not interested in me sexually since we dont have sex anymore but he still up to jacking off. Am I being naive in thinking that its just stress? Or should I assume the worse? The only people I know he chats up are in California so I know he won't sleep with them, but should I be worried that this is a full on emotional affair? Or that due to the lack of sex in our marriage, he'll find someone new?


Who cares if he is or isn’t? Why not divorce and get a real husband if that’s what you want??????


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

All relationships are dynamic. A lot of relationships start off as EA. Men know that women want to be seduced and wanted for "what's inside (spiritually)." and then get to the physical. You and your marriage are not "safe" because they have not had sex yet.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You definitely have lots of cause for concern and no, this has nothing to do with stress. We all have stress. 

Whether his penis has actually entered someone's vagina or not is kind of irrelevant at this point as you two do not have a healthy or mutually beneficial marriage whether there is someone else involved or not. 

There are lots of issues taking place here and it will likely require professional intervention and help to address it.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

JessicaLGH said:


> I snooped and found out he was still talking to her. I didnt bring it up, because she never met up with him and I felt ashamed for snooping. Our marriage had been rocky ever since.


Your response to this situation reflects a complete absence of logic and common sense.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Many people will call snooping wrong. But usually, they're the same people who do it themselves because...... this time, it's different.

I snooped on my husband while we were dating. It was the only way to keep the discussion from getting derailed with "She's just a friend, alright." 10 years on, we're still happily together.... and married.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

One thing you do know is he's not satisfied with you and is actively chatting up new women as your replacement. What happens when he starts chatting with a woman who there isn't as many complications to their relationship?

It might sound like everyone is being dismissive of marriage by just saying dump him, but that's not the case. Many of us have unfortunately already been down this road and know where it leads.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You have already been replaced. He just doesn’t have the guts to divorce yet. He is a loser.


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## emptyandoverit (Apr 14, 2021)

JessicaLGH said:


> Should I be worried he's having an emotional affair? Lately Ive noticed he's been glued to his phone. This isnt something new. Hes always playing games or reading up on his tabletop games or scrolling through social media but things have felt off recently. Hes been turning the screen off or flipping it over if I come in the room when it was facing up before or even turning away from me like he's hiding from me. If I walk in on him masterbating he startles, bad, and trys to hide when I've seen it already and so is turns out to be a poor attempt at pretending he was watching tv. Is it Cecillia again? Or someone new? Lexi? Or someone random? Obviously he's not interested in me sexually since we dont have sex anymore but he still up to jacking off. Am I being naive in thinking that its just stress? Or should I assume the worse? The only people I know he chats up are in California so I know he won't sleep with them, but should I be worried that this is a full on emotional affair? Or that due to the lack of sex in our marriage, he'll find someone new?


Idk that divorce is the first answer to this problem, but you absolutely have a problem. I masterbate because my spouse is never sexually available. I hate it. I would MUCH prefer my spouse, or a real spouse anyway. Anyone who doesn’t has an issue of some sort. If you are making yourself available to him, than it isn’t you and we can eliminate that as a possibility. Have you approached him with any of your concerns about the phone being glued to him or turned over when you’re around? If so, how does respond to that? What he is doing is without a doubt suspicious and needs to be addressed. If he in anyway makes you seem like you’re making it up or anything else that deflects from the situation, than it’s probably time to get your affairs in order and move on before you get seriously hurt emotionally.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

NTA said:


> Many people will call snooping wrong. But usually, they're the same people who do it themselves because...... this time, it's different.
> 
> I snooped on my husband while we were dating. It was the only way to keep the discussion from getting derailed with "She's just a friend, alright." 10 years on, we're still happily together.... and married.


Agree with this. If I have a reason I will, I don't give a shyte what the repercussions are. I offer complete transparency to whom I'm with and expect the same in return. If I can't have it then I will no longer be with that person, end of story time for a new one.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

JessicaLGH said:


> Should I be worried he's having an emotional affair? Lately Ive noticed he's been glued to his phone. This isnt something new. Hes always playing games or reading up on his tabletop games or scrolling through social media but things have felt off recently. Hes been turning the screen off or flipping it over if I come in the room when it was facing up before or even turning away from me like he's hiding from me. If I walk in on him masterbating he startles, bad, and trys to hide when I've seen it already and so is turns out to be a poor attempt at pretending he was watching tv. Is it Cecillia again? Or someone new? Lexi? Or someone random? Obviously he's not interested in me sexually since we dont have sex anymore but he still up to jacking off. Am I being naive in thinking that its just stress? Or should I assume the worse? The only people I know he chats up are in California so I know he won't sleep with them, but should I be worried that this is a full on emotional affair? Or that due to the lack of sex in our marriage, he'll find someone new?


How long have you two been married? Why are you two not having sex? Why have you not already put your foot down regarding the two prior EA's (and most likely PA's)? Married men typically masturbate when their spouse cannot, or will not give enough to satisfy their needs. Is your husband high drive? Have you discussed the masturbation episodes with him at all? Is he denying giving you sex? If so, first off, he is weird. Second, he is probably having an affair. Either way, you need answers pronto. VAR and GPS are your friends. In a few days, you will likely have all of your answers. Good luck and sorry that you are going through this.


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## Bigjalann (Apr 4, 2020)

JessicaLGH said:


> Should I be worried he's having an emotional affair? Lately Ive noticed he's been glued to his phone. This isnt something new. Hes always playing games or reading up on his tabletop games or scrolling through social media but things have felt off recently. Hes been turning the screen off or flipping it over if I come in the room when it was facing up before or even turning away from me like he's hiding from me. If I walk in on him masterbating he startles, bad, and trys to hide when I've seen it already and so is turns out to be a poor attempt at pretending he was watching tv. Is it Cecillia again? Or someone new? Lexi? Or someone random? Obviously he's not interested in me sexually since we dont have sex anymore but he still up to jacking off. Am I being naive in thinking that its just stress? Or should I assume the worse? The only people I know he chats up are in California so I know he won't sleep with them, but should I be worried that this is a full on emotional affair? Or that due to the lack of sex in our marriage, he'll find someone new?


Ditch him. Who wants to live like that? Sounds like he has major issues!


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