# He hinted of cheating on me if I don't have sex with him



## womenwpants (Jul 23, 2016)

I'm just venting, but if any of you wish to give me any advise; please feel free.

We dated for 5 years before he proposed to me and it was because I told him while dating that I wanted to be married before turning 30 if possible. Now we are married for less than 7 months and I'm regretting it.

After readying several post here, I realize that I'm depressed because of several factors and that is not getting me in the mood to have sex just like that. It became to a point that even in our honeymoon we only had sex 2 times, after we came back, reality started to sink in. We often argue about every tinny thing (more often is me getting angry at him), and more often he preferred to just go out and come back really late at night.

Several times he told me that he was horny wanted to have sex, and from those time I will try to please him; but I never initiated sex. He told me many times that not having sex was not helping the health of our marriage and I told him that I was stressed due to work and financially; we both don't have much money, but I have more than him due to my early savings; aside that my salary is higher than his. He understood and told me he was trying to provide and will do better to earn a better income even if he needs to work some part time. Few months later, didn't see any progress on that promise.

He kept asking me to have sex with him after that; I was not in the mood so I told him the excuse that all people use >I'm tired< next day he comes back home late and tell me; If we don't have sex, don't blame me if I start looking for it outside. To have my husband tell me that, my hearth plummeted to the center of the earth and it seems might not come back up to be revive; he ask me for sex every other month and I sometimes don't deny him, but I get off by using a dildo in front of him; I don't let him in. I know I'm doing this as a punishment, but it seems that he doesn't realize what he told me and still complaints about why we are not having sex like ragging rabbits because we are newlyweds, a) because I don't feel secure financially and emotionally, b) we moved back to his parents house and we are leaving in a house where walls are practically non-existent (BTW we are sleeping both in a single bed, because having even a double bed will not fit in the room).

So you tell me, is he even in the right to be angry at me because I don't feel like having sex? that my priority is to have us be financially more stable because -selfish me- I want to buy a house so we can start our real marriage relationship?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You dated him for 5 years before you married him? Is that right? Did you live with him during that time?

Did the two of you have sex before you got married? If so how was your sex life before you married him? How often was it?

When you married him, you knew that he did not earn enough to meet whatever it is you think that he needs to be earning. So you knew what you were getting into.

Does he work full time? 

The way you are treating him about sex is just awful. You use a dildo in front of him, won't let him have intercourse with you because you are punishing him? I'm shocked that he is still with you.

Sure, it's not a good thing that he told you that he might go elsewhere for sex. But come on, you have put him in a very bad situation. You are the only woman in the world that he is supposed to have sex with. Yet you are denying him sex? I don't blame him. If my husband did that to me I would divorce him (actually I did divorce him and him refusing to have sex is a large part of why I divorced him.)

Either fix your sex life or divorce your husband. Do not use sex to punish him because he's not living up to your expectations.

Wow


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Its wrong to wait for things to be just as you would like them to be before you have sex in marriage.
sex should be an on going part of your marriage no matter what (the exceptions being medical or abuse).


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

You need to read a book called "His Needs, Her Needs".

The #1 thing that most men put at the top of the list in a long term relationship is SEX . You are depriving him of that.

The book says a woman's emotional needs must be met before she wants sex in most cases. His job situation may be an issue that needs to be discussed. Finances ARE important so not to minimize your concerns.

When you tell a man, which indirectly you have, that you are not going to meet his sexual needs, you are asking for trouble. At least he has been honest enough to warn you.

You m igt consider MC to iron this out.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

See if you can get your husband to come here and post a thread, we'll straighten out his thinking in two shakes of a lambs tail.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sex should not be used as a leash to direct you husband to a goal and withhold until the goal is met. Really what you are doing is a form of blackmail and manipulation. No wonder he is telling you he will find it elsewhere (also not right) but you started this by making it a conditional prize. It is no longer a form of intimacy between the two of you. It is now an object to be won or lost. 

The money thing should be a separate issue. Why did you have the expectations he would start earning more money. Does he not work full time? Did he say he was going to get extra training? What kind of work does he do, is there a potential to earn more money without working a second job?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You need to get yourself into counseling. Something is seriously wrong here. No emotionally healthy woman acts this way or treats her husband like this. 

If he didn't make the big bucks and isn't making the grade then divorce him. Find a wealthy guy who's willing to put up with a frigid woman and marry him. If you can find one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

womenwpants- Ya know what motivates me? When my wife wears me out in bed. NOTHING gets me out there ready to kick the world's azz than a great roll in the hay.

Your husband may be working his butt off, but one cannot just increase their income overnight.
If we could, we all would be doing it.

Check out some of the articles on The Forgiven Wife - Learning to Dance with Desire.

You list a lot of your husband's faults, but you are exhibiting a major fault of your own by using sex as a weapon. Yet you expect perfection from him.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If my wife used a soldo on herself in front of me and wouldn't let me have sex with her, yeah--- no matter how I felt about her, I'd file for divorce the next day and never look back. All your excuses are a bunch of crap. Just cut the guy loose. He deserves better. He may be a total jerk, but you doing the dikdo thing in front of him is equivalent to mental castration.

I get mad just thinking about my own wife doing something like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tommyr said:


> Sorry but I have to call "troll" on this one


Do not post on a thread accusing the OP of being a troll. It's a bannable offense. If you think that a person is a troll, use the report button.

Any further posts like this will lead to bans.

{Speaking as a moderator.}


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

womenwpants said:


> So you tell me, is he even in the right to be angry at me because I don't feel like having sex? that my priority is to have us be financially more stable because -selfish me- I want to buy a house so we can start our real marriage relationship?


For many couples looking back at life when they were just starting out and struggling financially and trying to make something of their lives together are usually the BEST years together. You each have your whole lives ahead of you and you can make it into anything you want, and this should be a meaningful journey to make together.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So wait wait lemme make sure I've got this right...

Married for 7 months after dating for 5 years.

You don't want to have sex with him because you are depressed about finances and work stress...right? At what point in your life will you NOT have work stress or stress about finances? Frankly there are very few people who do NOT have those two stressors. So you're going to have to find a way to cope with your stress and overcome it or your whole life will be miserable.

Second, you say your husband asks you for sex all the time, like once a month. Once a month? Did you really mean once a MONTH he asks for sex?

And when you do have sex you use a dildo. You do not allow him to penetrate. Do I have that right?

Your husband must come to TAM so that, as @Nucking Futs said, we will straighten him out quickly.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

Try reading pretty much any of Doctor Laura's books, OP.

I know - she's really controversial, but for your situation, you really should rad "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".

You want perfection from HIM, but you do nothing to "fuel" him, or so it sounds.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> You dated him for 5 years before you married him? Is that right? Did you live with him during that time?
> 
> Did the two of you have sex before you got married? If so how was your sex life before you married him? How often was it?
> 
> ...


^^ Ele - I wish I could've said it as well.

There are some (as in MY ex) that want to treat men like servants or automated tellers, but when it comes time to treat them well, it's "hold on - I'm not your property"....


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
You do not love this man nor is this an actual marriage. You somehow coerced him into proposing so you could be married before 30 (your timetable). You then, almost immediately, regretted the decision and began demanding more from him using sex as the tool of manipulation. To answer your question you are indeed being selfish, demanding, uncaring and cruel. Is that how you would wish to be treated by someone who claimed to love you? Time for some serious self examination.

Divorce, have the marriage annulled or whatever method works best and spend some time growing up and understanding yourself and possibly develop some empathy.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Hold on. He *asks* you, every other MONTH, to have sex... and you *sometimes* don't deny him? Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please! Get him to post here. We really do need to help... To help him realize that this is not normal. He desperately needs strength... to get out.


ETA: To answer your question, yes, he has the right to be angry that the woman who claims to love him doesn't want to have sex with him. Yes, you are right to want to be financially stable. Howevet, you are WRONG to make him think he is some sort of pervert or the like because he WANTS SEX WITH HIS WIFE! You are WRONG to use sex as a means of punishing him. And you are WRONG to withhold sex, making him beg for it. You don't need to be financially secure in order to have sex with your spouse. I can't even believe you actually think it's ok to treat him that way.

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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

womenwpants said:


> So you tell me, is he even in the right to be angry at me because I don't feel like having sex? that my priority is to have us be financially more stable because -selfish me- I want to buy a house so we can start our real marriage relationship?



Three topics come to mind, the first one comes up simply because your last couple of sentences just struck me as "wow, I've never heard of that before, but there's always something new on the horizon, isn't there?"

Topic 1: Did you really just say that sex is not a part of a "real marriage relationship" but a house is?

I've owned houses without being married. In my name, or shared with a woman who might have at one point been an SO but isn't now. And I owned one by myself before getting married, then when we moved, we chose to co-own. I've found that houses, particularly when one person is heavily attached to putting meaning into them, can drive wedges more quickly than they can drive intimacy.

Topic 2: Do you think he believes that a house is part of a "real marrirage relationship?" I'm not trying to be snotty - the two of you probably need to have a gentle chat about what each of you thinks marriage is, and is not, and what goals you have for a marriage and then figure out how to handle the 90% of the stuff where you won't agree. Find Gottman's website, he has some tests you can take - you have to take them by yourself first, then share your results with him and him with you.

Topic 3:
You wrote "...he proposed to me and it was because I told him while dating that I wanted to be married before turning 30 if possible."

It is possible that he interpreted this as an ultimatum. If he did, then he may think that you accept that ultimatums are a perfectly fine, reasonable and normal way to get what you want from someone. His "hint" of cheating would be an ultimatum...and he perhaps thinks that, since you used the tool, it's OK for him to use it as well.

Another item for the two of you to discuss.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

OP,

You are torturing and starving your husband in the bedroom and all your excuses are just that: excuses. Your username suggests that you wear the pants in the relationship and your husband seems to have been thoroughly emasculated by you. Remember that part in the marriage vow that says "to love and to hold"? Yeah, you're doing it wrong.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Unless otherwise discussed, and unless there are other issues, I think someone who gets married has a reasonable expectation of regular sex. You never *have* to have sex with him, but he does not *have* to stay married to you.

I think he has every right to leave if he wants. I think he can also reasonably give you a choice of leaving, or an open marriage.


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## womenwpants (Jul 23, 2016)

He actually gets more exited when toys are being used in bed, and no; it was only 1 time i deny him penetration and used the dildo in front of him. I know that it's bad to punish him by doing that, but he did not open up to me while we were dating about his finances and a lot more of stuffs. As someone with not much money will not buy you expensive things and pay you a trip to Europe because he wanted me to go no matter what as we were going to travel with his parents (I was unemployed at that time and didn't want to spend the money). I even ask him if he was saving money because the rate in which he was spending it was incredible, I was worried for him and even told him to not buy me anything and there's no need for me to travel with him, but he just told me "I know how to manage my finances". Maybe the way we both manage finances is different and he is ok with having only a few bucks in his account, but I don't want that. 

Also, how to get in the mood to have sex when his parents sleep in the room next door? btw this house walls are almost non existent, you can hear everything they are doing. Aside that his mom in specifically, likes to come in the room without prior notice - she just open the door even if close - and no there's no lock so we cannot lock it.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So what if his parents hear...you're married. That's what married people do.

Sex is neither punishment nor reward. To use sex transactionaly is wrong, just plain wrong.

Why are you living with his parents? Where do you live before you got married?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> So what if his parents hear...you're married. That's what married people do.
> 
> Sex is neither punishment nor reward. To use sex transactionaly is wrong, just plain wrong.
> 
> Why are you living with his parents? Where do you live before you got married?


Exactly as Anon said. So what if they hear? You said she likes to walk in without asking. Did either of you ADDRESS this? Did you TELL her to stay out of your room? Whether you have or not, TELL HER TO STAY OUT! It isn't hard to do. And if she hears you having sex, she would likely NOT barge in. Seriously, she probably figures it's ok because you're not having sex... at all. I reiterate... your husband is right on this one. 

Also... for the love of God, WHY didn't you discuss all that financial stuff, as well as the "other stuff" BEFORE you got married? C'mon now. You dated for 5 YEARS. There is NO WAY you didn't know any of that stuff before you married. I'm not buying that.

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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> Seriously, she probably figures it's ok because you're not having sex... at all.



:lol:

I think you've come up with a fool proof way to get MIL to never enter their room uninvited again if she walks in on her son and his wife naked on the bed.

That'll teach her to knock!


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Op you sound like you will come up with any excuse not to have sex with your husband. Maybe you don't understand how important sex is to a man, and to a marriage. How often do you guys have sex? Do you ever initiate? He tells you he wants more sex. What else can the guy do? You obviously don't care about his needs. He said he will look else where because he was all out of ideas to get you to realize how important this is to him. You seem to have so much animosity for him, and almost hatred for him. Do you even love him? Is what he did with the finances so u forgivable to you? 
You seem to blame everyone else around you. You have a terrible outlook. Your husband loves you and wants to have sex with you. Your finances are a issue, but your lucky to have a home to live in, rent free I am guessing, that is a huge blessing! Sometimes establishing yourself finically independent takes time. You were, so why blame it all on him? You guys need to work together, work as a team and fix your financial situation while being happy for what you do have. A loving husband and a nice family to live with. I honestly don't feel like the love and respect is there from you to him. You treat him like a dog. Do you even love him? And don't you want to have a good sex life?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

@katiecrna, she stated in her first post that she doesn't initiate and that they have sex once EVERY OTHER month. That's roughly 6 times a year. 6 times per YEAR! And they have been married for barely over 6 months. I think the better question is whether they had sex before marrying and, if so, how often.

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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Or why are you with someone you obviously don't like?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What country are you in?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

katiecrna said:


> Or why are you with someone you obviously don't like?




Very good question K.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

womenwpants said:


> He actually gets more exited when toys are being used in bed, and no; it was only 1 time i deny him penetration and used the dildo in front of him.


I have no doubt that no matter how much toys might excite him sometimes, you using a dildo in front of him to punish him by not letting him have sex with you is not something that gets him excited. There is no acceptable excuse for you doing this. You need to realize that what you did is a form of emotional abuse. Never, ever, do that again.


womenwpants said:


> I know that it's bad to punish him by doing that, but he did not open up to me while we were dating about his finances and a lot more of stuffs.


It is not your place to punish him. Husbands and wives do not punish each other, not if they want a healthy marriage. Parents punish their children. You are not his parent.

It is your fault if you did not discuss both of your finances before marriage. If he refused to talk about his finances prior to marriage, then that’s on him. But you are at fault for allowing it. You should not have married a man who would not discuss your joint finances prior to marriage. But you did. So now you get to live with what you accepted. Punishing him does not work because you are his equal, not his mommy.

Instead you can get the book that I discussed. Read it. Ask him to read it. Then the two of you restructure your finances so that the two of you work together as a team. If you live in a country that uses credit scores, then order the credit scores for both of you. Make that part of your financial disclosure and financial management.

Personally, I would not marry a man who would not discuss his finances with me and did not manage finances together. If I was married to a guy like this, I would divorce him.


womenwpants said:


> As someone with not much money will not buy you expensive things and pay you a trip to Europe because he wanted me to go no matter what as we were going to travel with his parents (I was unemployed at that time and didn't want to spend the money). I even ask him if he was saving money because the rate in which he was spending it was incredible, I was worried for him and even told him to not buy me anything and there's no need for me to travel with him, but he just told me "I know how to manage my finances". Maybe the way we both manage finances is different and he is ok with having only a few bucks in his account, but I don't want that.


It is not unusual for two people to handle finances differently. But what you do after marriage (or just before marriage) is that you two come up with a joint way to handle finances. He could be putting you in a lot of debt if the country where you live has the concept of community property/debt.
If you want a husband who buys you expensive things, when why did you marry a man who cannot afford to buy you expensive things? Is this the only reason that you married him? For him to spend his money on you? If it is, then you married him to use and abuse him. My suggestion is that you earn enough to buy your own expensive things. 


womenwpants said:


> Also, how to get in the mood to have sex when his parents sleep in the room next door? btw this house walls are almost non existent, you can hear everything they are doing. Aside that his mom in specifically, likes to come in the room without prior notice - she just open the door even if close - and no there's no lock so we cannot lock it.


Have you ever heard of putting a lock on the door to a room? Why not lock the door? You could even put a piece of furniture in front of the door so it could not be opened.

As for noise, play music and put the music player near the wall that is next to your MIL’s room. That way she will hear the music and not you.

You can also get some sound proofing material and hang it on the wall.

Where there is a will, there is a way.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> Op you sound like you will come up with any excuse not to have sex with your husband. Maybe you don't understand how important sex is to a man, and to a marriage.


Katie, I'm assuming you're female and I'm preaching to the choir, but when a woman has little romantic interest in a man, they couldn't care less about how important sex is to a man or to the marriage. At best some might perform to keep a roof over their head but usually that fails after a time. 
You know this. A woman with no romantic interest doesn't want a man pawing all over her and pestering her for sex. And she's either interested or she's not. There ain't no changing her into a hot to trot wife with, "to keep a man happy, you need to get turned on to sex with him". She wants to be happy and don't give a rats azz if he is as long as her needs are fulfilled. Her focus is on avoiding sex; not learning to like it.
Tell me I'm wrong.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> Katie, I'm assuming you're female and I'm preaching to the choir, but when a woman has little romantic interest in a man, they couldn't care less about how important sex is to a man or to the marriage. At best some might perform to keep a roof over their head but usually that fails after a time.
> You know this. A woman with no romantic interest doesn't want a man pawing all over her and pestering her for sex. And she's either interested or she's not. There ain't no changing her into a hot to trot wife with, "to keep a man happy, you need to get turned on to sex with him". She wants to be happy and don't give a rats azz if he is as long as her needs are fulfilled. Her focus is on avoiding sex; not learning to like it.
> Tell me I'm wrong.




Your assuming too much. This could be true. But things are not that black and white. There are many reasons why a women is turned off by sex at a certain time in their marriage and it isn't ALWAYS because they are not romantically interested in their spouse. Women are different than men In the fact that a lot of time our willingness to have sex or not have sex has more to do with ourselves than it actually does with our spouses.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

womenwpants said:


> He actually gets more exited when toys are being used in bed, and no; it was only 1 time i deny him penetration and used the dildo in front of him. I know that it's bad to punish him by doing that, but he did not open up to me while we were dating about his finances and a lot more of stuffs. As someone with not much *money *will not buy you expensive things and pay you a trip to Europe because he wanted me to go no matter what as we were going to travel with his parents (I was unemployed at that time and didn't want to spend the *money*). I even ask him if he was saving *money *because the rate in which he was spending it was incredible, I was worried for him and even told him to not buy me anything and there's no need for me to travel with him, but he just told me "I know how to manage my finances". *Maybe the way we both manage finances is different and he is ok with having only a few bucks in his account, but I don't want that.
> *
> Also, how to get in the mood to have sex when his parents sleep in the room next door? btw this house walls are almost non existent, you can hear everything they are doing. Aside that his mom in specifically, likes to come in the room without prior notice - she just open the door even if close - and no there's no lock so we cannot lock it.


To be blunt, this sounds like you married hoping for MORE MONEY, and that you never really cared about him to begin with.

The "in-laws" are just an excuse that you can use to justify...


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

womenwpants said:


> He actually gets more exited when toys are being used in bed, and no; it was only 1 time i deny him penetration and used the dildo in front of him. I know that it's bad to punish him by doing that, but he did not open up to me while we were dating about his finances and a lot more of stuffs. As someone with not much money will not buy you expensive things and pay you a trip to Europe because he wanted me to go no matter what as we were going to travel with his parents (I was unemployed at that time and didn't want to spend the money). I even ask him if he was saving money because the rate in which he was spending it was incredible, I was worried for him and even told him to not buy me anything and there's no need for me to travel with him, but he just told me "I know how to manage my finances". Maybe the way we both manage finances is different and he is ok with having only a few bucks in his account, but I don't want that.
> 
> Also, how to get in the mood to have sex when his parents sleep in the room next door? btw this house walls are almost non existent, you can hear everything they are doing. Aside that his mom in specifically, likes to come in the room without prior notice - she just open the door even if close - and no there's no lock so we cannot lock it.


So divorce him don't continue to punish him. Or work on your problems but don't use sex and as bate to make him do what you want. 

Why didn't you find out about his finances before you got married. Did you not talk about this stuff?


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

katiecrna said:


> op you sound like you will come up with any excuse not to have sex with your husband. Maybe you don't understand how important sex is to a man, and to a marriage. How often do you guys have sex? Do you ever initiate? He tells you he wants more sex. What else can the guy do? You obviously don't care about his needs. He said he will look else where because he was all out of ideas to get you to realize how important this is to him. You seem to have so much animosity for him, and almost hatred for him. Do you even love him? Is what he did with the finances so u forgivable to you?
> You seem to blame everyone else around you. You have a terrible outlook. Your husband loves you and wants to have sex with you. Your finances are a issue, but your lucky to have a home to live in, rent free i am guessing, that is a huge blessing! Sometimes establishing yourself finically independent takes time. You were, so why blame it all on him? You guys need to work together, work as a team and fix your financial situation while being happy for what you do have. A loving husband and a nice family to live with. I honestly don't feel like the love and respect is there from you to him. You treat him like a dog. Do you even love him? And don't you want to have a good sex life?


^^ab so lutely!!!


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@womenwpants if you have little desire or interest in having sex with your husband, you shouldn't be at all surprised to find out he's having sex with other women and or will divorce you as well.

If you refuse to behave like you are married, your husband should rightfully feel no obligation to reciprocally behave like he is married to you.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> Your assuming too much.


Are you not female? By your member name, I assumed you are; but you know what assume means.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

womenwpants said:


> ...he ask me for sex every other month...


Is this a typo? Is he really only asking for sex every other *month*?


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

WorkingWife said:


> Is this a typo? Is he really only asking for sex *every other month?*


*
*
I noticed that, too, WW. Every other month doesn't sound like too much to me.

But there IS the money thing....which appears to be the ONLY thing...


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## VizCaya (Oct 19, 2015)

As human we have all selfish behaviors ;
the worst is when a wife deprives her man from what was originally in vows ; 
many women use sex as a weapon , as a favor , and as an exchange coin versus materialistic items .

If your both stay in this marriage without a change to be less perfctionst and selfish ; you hubby will end up cheating , reverting to porn or both .
until you recognize that intimacy is a joint pleasure , not a favor , you will not find emotional security .


you need IC to lower the effect of your passive aggressive behavior and selfish behavior .

without throwing stones ...

let's analyze exactly what is it in your life that made you like this , I trauma ,a selfish husband too , or a trait of border line personality induced by many factors such as religion and society ?


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

WomanWpants, I re-read your post and can now comprehend why you feel the way you do. The problem is that you didn't go into the marriage blind. After 5 years of dating, you knew your now husband didn't have what it takes to earn a decent living, and you married him anyway. Hence you are now living with his parents. 
Its understandable a woman would be turned off by a man who has little to offer his wife other than his johnson, let alone one that can't live without his parents support supporting him. Besides, who'd want to be screwing in a room with the parents listening to the single bed banging against the wall. I mean wouldn't it be embarrassing to hear the parents going at it. When I was a teenager, it was funny, but as an adult, I don't think so.
Since you make the lions share of the money, you need to move out and tell the slug your marriage to when he's skilled enough to hold down a real job to come see you. 
:wink2:


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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

OP...I have a solution for your husband. Tell him to try the Couch-to-5K program. It will teach him how to...RUN!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

WorkingWife said:


> Is this a typo? Is he really only asking for sex every other *month*?





lonelyhusband321 said:


> [/B]
> I noticed that, too, WW. Every other month doesn't sound like too much to me.
> 
> But there IS the money thing....which appears to be the ONLY thing...


Every other month would be six times PER YEAR. I actually asked about this on page two (via Tapatalk... not sure if it's the same on the website), and she didn't respond. She did, however, talk about toys and how excited he gets in her second post... after I asked about the "every other month". And then, I asked again, about a page or so back. You are correct. 6 times per year isn't much at all. And is CERTAINLY not expected of newlyweds. 

5 years dating and she didn't press for financial disclosure? 5 years dating then she pulled the bait and switch oft discussed in SIM. I don't feel sorry for her. I do feel sorry for her husband, though.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Just wow! The OP is not honoring her vows to the marriage at all. She is withholding sex, using it to emotionally abuse her "husband". I'm wondering if she even understands what marriage actually is. Being a gate keeper is not conducive to a healthy marriage. I'm under the impression the OP is an emotionally and mentally immature individual who really doesn't understand what motivates people, let alone what a marriage is supposed to be.

Like someone said in an earlier post, I would be more inclined to better myself if I am being taken care at home, and yes, sex is a MAJOR motivator for most men, in my opinion. He shouldn't "have" to ask for it. If she loves him, she would be more than willing to have sex with him whenever, save some physical ailment or illness. It's obvious she is not into her husband at all, or she would be wanting to be intimate with him all the time.

She's wasting not only her time, but his also. We are only on this earth a little while, and sex is a wonderful gift from God Himself. I would advise her to read the Bible as to what marriage vows are supposed to entail, more specifically 1 Corinthians 7.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

I don't feel sorry for either of them Maricha. She knew he was a slug that didn't have the ability to earn a living and he had to know, after five years of dating, she wasn't eager to being doing him multiple times a week. They need to part ways.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

VladDracul said:


> I don't feel sorry for either of them Maricha. She knew he was a slug that didn't have the ability to earn a living and he had to know, after five years of dating, she wasn't eager to being doing him multiple times a week. They need to part ways.


Maybe, maybe not. You can see in SIM section where there are many posts about the bait and switch... lots of sex, eager and willing, before marriage... then completely gone once the ring is on the finger. And, depending on the job/career, she may well be exaggerating, as well, about his earning. I do, agree, however, that they should part ways. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

As far as the door with no lock, it's called a chair, tilted up under the doorknob.

Or, as someone else suggested, let the MIL walk in while you have your whips, chains & ball gag in use!!!


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## Whirlpool (Jul 25, 2016)

Nucking Futs said:


> See if you can get your husband to come here and post a thread, we'll straighten out his thinking in two shakes of a lambs tail.


You think he'd read what you write and say to himself "Ok, I got it now, thanks for clearing up my head and get me thinking appropriately"?

Even people that WANT advice oftentimes don't listen to it.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Whirlpool said:


> You think he'd read what you write and say to himself "Ok, I got it now, thanks for clearing up my head and get me thinking appropriately"?
> 
> Even people that WANT advice oftentimes don't listen to it.


Hey, I'm just that good. What can I say?


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## sunchild15 (Jul 4, 2016)

It's amazing that women don't try to understand their husbands needs more just as a husband should look at his wife ...I have experienced this ...when everything is perfect and we are rich. ..then..we can spend more time having sex...otherwise there isn't much time ....along with worry. ..it's kind of interesting that a woman. Expects a man to do so much....in order for her to get to a sexual point ..a man has to jump through hooops in just the right way and order ....lol....don't husband and wives attempt to fuel each other to get further in life ...not let me shoot some holes...in the boat that we are both floating in...because if you feel bad that influences the whole ship...oh yeah that would be teamwork


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## VizCaya (Oct 19, 2015)

sunchild15 said:


> It's amazing that women don't try to understand their husbands needs more just as a husband should look at his wife ...I have experienced this ...when everything is perfect and we are rich. ..then..we can spend more time having sex...otherwise there isn't much time ....along with worry. ..it's kind of interesting that a woman. Expects a man to do so much....in order for her to get to a sexual point ..a man has to jump through hooops in just the right way and order ....lol....don't husband and wives attempt to fuel each other to get further in life ...not let me shoot some holes...in the boat that we are both floating in...because if you feel bad that influences the whole ship...oh yeah that would be teamwork


just want to mention that we shouldn't realize , rather than saying women , it is when one of partners is selfish materialistic ...

women in this context are more often influenced by social and religious pressure .


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

sunchild15 said:


> It's amazing that women don't try to understand their husbands needs more just as a husband should look at his wife ...I have experienced this ...when everything is perfect and we are rich. ..then..we can spend more time having sex...otherwise there isn't much time ....along with worry. ..it's kind of interesting that a woman. Expects a man to do so much....in order for her to get to a sexual point ..a man has to jump through hooops in just the right way and order ....lol....don't husband and wives attempt to fuel each other to get further in life ...not let me shoot some holes...in the boat that we are both floating in...because if you feel bad that influences the whole ship...oh yeah that would be teamwork


My experience with women is starkly different from yours.

Your wife is certainly not all women.

While ever you expect women to behave as you describe, it is highly likely you will seek/find women who behave like that.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Sunny, if you're married to a woman like that, you ain't gonna get a lot of puzzy from her even if you win the lotto. She's set it up as a reward that is always going to be just out of reach for you my man. And if you look at your own behavior toward her, you not only permit it but you enable her. She know you ain't going to do anything except roll over and play dead.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

sunchild15 said:


> It's amazing that women don't try to understand their husbands needs more just as a husband should look at his wife ...I have experienced this ...when everything is perfect and we are rich. ..then..we can spend more time having sex...otherwise there isn't much time ....along with worry. ..it's kind of interesting that a woman. Expects a man to do so much....in order for her to get to a sexual point ..a man has to jump through hooops in just the right way and order ....lol....don't husband and wives attempt to fuel each other to get further in life ...not let me shoot some holes...in the boat that we are both floating in...because if you feel bad that influences the whole ship...oh yeah that would be teamwork


When you chose your wife, you chose a selfish and materialistic *****. In other words...you chose poorly. 

Get out of the boat and set her adrift.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Wow, that is all I can say. 

I guess having money is soooo much more important to you. You are not financially compatable. You should both go see a financal planner and do MC. Because your appoarch to sex in your marriage is very destructive. You keep it up and your H will be walking all the way to some other woman.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

Somewhere along the line, OP learned it was okay to user her lady bits to control her man.


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

Not saying it's right but in this case if he did cheat it would bet 95% her fault. Why this guy married her in the first place I don't know? She finally gets what she wants and gets him to marry her after 5 years and she rewards him by being a terrible wife. This is yet another reason why a lot of men don't want to get married anymore.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Well, OP, virtually EVERY poster, male or female, are calling you wrong on this one.

If you ANY ability to be introspective and exercise some honest self-assessment, you should be able to realize that you are completely in the wrong here. It's essentially unanimous.

Are you going to do something to change yourself and your attitudes?


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## Purple*Orchid (Aug 7, 2016)

How would you feel if you were in his shoes? I mean honestly?

I know exactly how he feels. You say you are stressed about work and finances. I laugh at those excuses because sex is supposed to help relieve stress. And does. it's a copout. Just another excuse in the big book of excuses.

I wouldn't blame him if he did find a side chick. It was a warning and shouldnt be taken lightly and either fix it or let him go.


You knew he didn't make as much money when you married him. That's on you. You knew and we're fine with it because you married him anyway. If it were such a big issue then why marry him and expect change after???


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## JamesTKirk (Sep 8, 2015)

There is no excuse. Stop denying him, stop masturbating, and start wanting to have sex with him. There is no excuse except medical or health (in which case you understand and stand by your spouse.) You make time to have sex, you find places to have sex, and you use sex to improve your crappy relationship. When you married you agreed to be each others sole sexual partner so live up to it or your not being true to your spouse.

If you deny your spouse consistently, it implies that you don't care who they have sex with.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She's gone. Shut 'er down Willie!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

womenwpants said:


> I'm just venting, but if any of you wish to give me any advise; please feel free.
> 
> We dated for 5 years before he proposed to me and it was because I told him while dating that I wanted to be married before turning 30 if possible. Now we are married for less than 7 months and I'm regretting it.


I stopped right here, because the rest is just white noise. This to me seems to be the problem...he didn't sound like he was all that interested in marriage, but you were. And frankly, I don't think you were interested in marrying HIM, but rather just wanted to 'be married.'


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