# Anger, violent thoughts - rollercoaster of emotions



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

Many of you have read my thread "Wife of 13 years cheated w/ my best friend"

My wife and are working hard everyday and things are getting better between us everyday. 

However, i find myself more and more pre-occupied with thoughts of inflicting physical harm to the POS former friend. 

As i dug deeper into the phone records specifically the week prior to the date it happened, i found multpile texts from the OM to my wife. Talking to my wife about the context and content of the texts she said he started being very flirty which escalated in every text. Now obviously she was in the wrong for not telling me immediately, she was in the wrong flirting back and eventually giving in to the advances. 

However, this OM was fully aware of the problems my wife and I were having at the time and intentionally and directly took advantage of the fact that i confided in him and like a predator picking off the weakling of the herd, he made his move fast and hard. 

I feel a lack of closure because i didn't do what every fiber of my being was telling me to do which is whip the **** out of him. 

i know it wont change anything and only bring legal troubles to my family...but where do i focus this rage and anger? 

I grew up in a part of town in which i was the only white kid in 5 square miles with a large hispanic community on one side and a large black community on the other...aside from fighting with each other, guess who was their favorite punching bag? that's right...me. I grew up fighting, I learned to fight very well and it became second nature and is how i grew up thinking that is how things are settled. 

Now i have matured a bit at 31 yrs old and my kids are a big motivator not to do that anymore, but i need to find an outlet to keep from reverting back to my natural reactions.

I believe this all is fueling my moods at home with my wife too. The lack of closure is not good. She is being an angel and taking all of it in stride and willingly at that. She feels that she should bear a lot of the responsibility for how i'm feeling. Which she should, but i'm not going to smack her around and being hateful towards her is not productive for our reconciliation process.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Do you go to the gym? Focus your anger on a punching bag?


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## ody360 (Feb 1, 2013)

Yeah find a punching bag and just beat the crap out of that... When i get moments of rage i have learned that has helped me a lot.. It keeps my temper down so my wife isn't exposed to it when im having a trigger. Plus its a heck of a workout to so it a win win.


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## carolinadreams (Nov 30, 2012)

I go to the gym, and squat and deadlift till I want to puke, and sometimes spend some time talking about scripture with my pastor (he's a coworker).

Everything in my soul screams at me to drive a truck through the OM's office and then apply a sledge to his head.

I think for a lot of us our biology is out of phase with society. I've got the neanderthal brow though, and my knuckles just skim the sidewalk.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

I got a heavy bag for my basement two months after DDay 2. It is a GREAT outlet and a fantastic workout. Just make sure to wrap your hands properly or you're going to injure something. This is KEY. Wrap your hands and then pummel away.

Or - get another form of exercise. I cycle too - which when the weather is nicer is a great form of meditative exercise. I'd do 60 - 70 kms without thinking about my stbxw - which was a long stretch back then (over two hours). 

If you do contact the POSOM - keep it calm and civil and just tell the POS what you think of him. Don't hit him. Don't yell at him. Just calmly treat him like the POS he is and move on.


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

Sorry for your trouble - BF is a piece of sh1t.

I too grew up in violence and learned to deal with problems in that way - to the point of placing myself in danger to "see if I could."

The recommendations of outlets here are great. I use a heavy bag (take care of your hands), and when it's overwhelming I beat the crap out of 1.5" thick MDF board (really take care of hands). Heavy weights are good too. All of this is great, but the draw back is that it can actually get me ready to fight, not calm me.

In your situation, I would recommend counseling or anger management. Even if you pummel him, the anger will not subside, and you will land in jail. You need a long term solution to this particular problem - tools to help you manage this in the context of your background. Please seek counseling from a trained professional in this area. Military counselors have helped me immensely when things got out of hand.

Good Luck!


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## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

Thank you all for the input. I am going to get a heavy bag at home as the triggers are always at convenient times for me to go running to the gym to punch something.

I am avoiding situations in which i may run in to the POSOM for fear of what i will do to him. 

For the time being, i quit carrying my 9mm with me like i used to. I don't need to have it on my hip if i were to run into the POS. 

He is well aware of what i think of him and i left him with a dark warning not to contact my wife or come near my house ever again. He didn't take kindly to what i had to say, not that i give a ****, but i know how a face to face encounter will go, so a gun doesn't need to be present. He doesn't carry so i don't need to worry about him having one.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

The NC letter and Exposure on a public forum helped me to offset much of that anger. It still rages sometimes but my belief in God helps in the worst moments. I am a BW though, I know the anger might be umpteenth worse for a BH. You will make it through with flying colors. It's just another tidal wave in the pool. Over time, surfing them gets better.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

My EX was having an A with my neighbor's brother... Now she is seeing my other neighbor though we are divorced. I like the bench press... I'm only 190lbs, but bench 300lbs and squat 750lbs on the leg press... 

Wrap your hands for the bag. I did beat my hands raw a few times

The gym is good for me and to me. I like being solid muscle. The workouts are therapy. I can just grab the anger when I need it, else I just let it go and enjoy my life with kids/gf etc...

Your EX friend is not worth your anger. It validates he is a POS, and he is not even that level.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

MovingAhead said:


> Wrap your hands for the bag. I did beat my hands raw a few times


THIS...and make sure to always put your gloves on, cuz sometimes in the heat of the moment, you just might wanna go punch something.

Trust me. Your knuckles will thank you. Mine were a bit pissed one night last summer when I had a sudden NEED to hit something. I walked into my garage and started hitting the snot outta my 100# bag without gloves.

So did my shed a month later.

Come to think of it, maybe I should have carried gloves with me everywhere! :rofl:


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP, don't lose your freedom over the D-bag you called a best friend. He's just not worth it. Your life is better off without him in it. Small comfort, but true. Did you out him to your circle of friends and perhaps his parents/siblings, etc? Might be worth your effort if not done.

Good luck
WD


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

And don't forget to make sure the OM is posted along with recent pics on cheaterville.com!


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## Lmodel (Jun 1, 2012)

I'm hearing you mate, I'm in a very similar position and it kills me that I haven't been able to sought this bloke out. I'm not a huge believer in karma but the OM went broke, lost his house, job the whole lot but I'd still like to smash his face in. I'm very aware that he's the sort of bloke that would have me charged if I lay a hand on him so I'm not going to give him that satisfaction. 
What goes around comes around and i'll get my opportunity one day and I'm sure you will too. 
This bloke who was having the affair with my wife was married as well, he said to me one day "if my wife ever had an affair I'd kill the bloke if I caught him" and this was obviously while he was doing the business with my wife. Low bastard.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

like everyone says.
gym or heavy bag.
I like to shoot, too. I assume that since you carry a pistol, you probably do, too.
every once in awhile, I grab a bat or a jack handle and really just break some (unimportant and useless) sh!t.
some people would probably tell me at times that I need anger mgt. maybe.


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