# Really confused...



## jeanruthhogan (Sep 19, 2014)

o I've been married about six years. my spouse doesn't work, and hasn't for almost two years. not quite sure what happened there, he says he was fired. in the whole time we've been married he has never worked full-time...and has no job skills to speak of. hasn't been able to find anything since then. so it's been me providing financially since then for our family (we have 2 kids). i really don't know what to do. i know when we get married we say "for better or for worse" and all that. i know God hates marriage. all of these things, I know. BUT right now we don't have enough money to keep our basic utilities turned on, living on scraps for food, and are about to be evicted. our parents have had to pay our utilities the last year almost because we just don't have the money to cover our bills. we've sold everything we own to make ends meet. he is very depressed and barely leaves the house except to pick up kids from school. it's not like we waste money, we don't. i get paid and money gets pulled for gas, rent gets paid, car payment gets paid, then we get food...and nothing is left. he just always says he's trying and what more can he do...but that doesn't help. i dont' know what to do. i am so fed up. he doesn't get along w/ my parents or my friends, so we live in social isolation. do i stay or do i go?


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I'd give him a timeline: He needs to find work in x amount of time or you will be gone. He has to pull his weight, too. 

Has he gone to an employment agency? Has he applied to basic, entry level positions? 

He can work at a grocery store, most of which are union based and then can have health insurance among other benefits. He needs to step up to the plate and start working again.

Editing to add:
I have a bachelor's degree and I work in retail. I'm technically 'underemployed', but we do what we have to in order to bring in an income. Is it a job I love? No, but it works out best for my family.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

I would tell him to either get a job or you will leave in a certain amount of time like A07 said. It won't hurt him to work for minimum wage even at a fast food place if he can't find anything else. 

A lot of places won't hire someone that has been unemployed for very long so he might have to go to a fast food restaurant first then start from there.

Not right for him to do this.


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## ladymisato (Aug 5, 2014)

This is s tough situation that confronts many. You may need to move in with your parents. You do need to find a financial solution and divorce won't help that. You should not let his problems with your parents stand in the way of that option.

It does sound like your husband is (like many men these days) trapped in a jobless depression. Getting him out of that will be difficult but one option is to present him with the alternatives of becoming the SAHD or going and finding a job, any job.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

sounds pretty immature of him.

I would treat him a little like i would a teenager. I would assume they do not have a clue what they want to do "when they grow up", get them to take the *Strong Personality Test*, see what they have an aptitude to do for work, and get a professional job seeker to help them to try to get a job in that field. There may be training involved first.

If that does not work...well....you have to decide to divorce or not. Sounds like you doing all the work rubs you the wrong way. but that WAS the way of old (except it was the wife who was the SAHM).


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## magnolia2014 (Aug 29, 2014)

He needs to pull his own weight and realize you can't do it on your own. There are plenty of jobs out there - he just may not want to do them. Would he rather his family suffer or put food on the table? Ask him. Whatever his response is, then you should have your answer.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It's too easy to just say times are tough and stay home and watch the tube all day. I believe there are jobs out there. Here in Canada we bring in foreign workers to take jobs Canadians won't do. I'm guessing the same thing is going on in the U.S. The problem with a lot of people is they really don't want to work...they just want to get paid. 

As someone else pointed out the longer he is out of the workforce the more difficult it will become. It will mean starting at the bottom. 

I have a good job now. I didn't start where I am. I started out working lots of hours for crappy pay going above and beyond to please my employers. I see that as an investment. Now I make decent money and when my company closed the plant where I worked for 14 years they kept me on a let me work from home. I'm sure if I'd just done the bare minimum all along I would have been laid off along with 40-50 co-workers of mine. 

Yes sometimes people have bad luck when it comes to employment. I think more often than not people make their own luck.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

There are tons of places hiring right now for seasonal employment for the holidays coming up. 

I realize this is temporary, but anything helps right? It would get him back out of the house and it would be something in experience.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

I know this is being abrupt, but if someone goes THAT long without working, they're a bum. Pure and simple - there ARE jobs that pay - even if they don't pay what a person wants....

Sorry, but bum is the only word I can come up with....


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

If he is willing to work, everything will work out.

If not, well, it's your call if you want a 3rd child.

Just having a job, ANY JOB will change him/any person. Sense of responsibility and something to do gives people hope etc.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

I totally agree with other posters who have recommended giving him a timeline.
If things are as dire as they sound to be, you really do have to give him that ultimatum, and think about your parents- I am sure they don't want to support you and yours forever because HE wont get off his backside and work.
Not only that, I am sure they don't appreciate seeing their daughter struggle to make ends meet due to the husband being a bum.
I've mentioned this before in my previous posts so I won't go on and on about it, but I was once a child in a family situation exactly like your current one. 
Mum has supported dad (and us kids until we were 18) for over the last 20 years because he is too lazy to get a real job and contribute to anything. Hardly does any household chores, forgets their wedding anniversary (which today is 32 years!) and you don't realize the effect this all has on your kids and other family members watching you go through this.
I am still very angry that my parents are still together, mum has never seriously made my dad accountable for his actions -or more accurately INACTION- so you really need to do you and your whole family a favor and divorce him if he won't help you out


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