# I know that I am not alone but...



## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

I don't know where to start. My husband and I are in our early thirties. We have been married for about four years. We had our arguments and yes we fought a lot. No cheating or anything bad, not that I am aware of. He moved out a couple of months ago. I went through similar to what others went through such as denial period, begging and feeling of betrayal. We have no contact. I am trying my best to do 180 for my own sake. However, there are days when I still feel confused and just sad. I still miss him. I mean he left and acted like he couldn't care less. I have to tell myself that it's really over. But I felt like I am still in limbo. When does this get better? When do these triggers stop or at least don't lead me into pure sadness. Yes, I am much better and functional but there are still times that I am not. I know that I am not alone and I'd like to hear from those who left and those who are in the similar situation.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Sorry to see you here.

How long exactly did he leave?

Do you have any children with him?

Have you happened to take a gander through my thread of ramblings?

If not for a good laugh at my chaotic mindset at times.. but there is also some really good advice (that I've been trying to take in) as well.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Hi UpnDown - We have no children. It has been about two months since he left. I miss our good times and all these memories...


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

4 years married, how many before?

What do you think the problems were?

Did he actually say anything to you? Or did he just vanish??


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

We were together for about 6-7 years. He is tired of the fights, I think. He avoided confrontation... He sort of just vanished...


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

((Hugs))

So he just up and left .. are you two still connected financially or anything??

I might not have the best advice for you, I know there are a few that are in or were in your shoes ..

MyselfAgain comes to mind. Hopefully she will see this sometime soon and be able to help you out more.

I suggest protecting yourself, financially. If you have no children that will be where the problems will start once and if he decides to resurface.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Yes. He hasn't asked for legal separation. I think it may be the best thing to do since being in limbo isn't healthy.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Are you up north or down in the states??


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Oh muriel, I feel for you! Read my post (anger) to see what I'm going through today. I am also early thirties, no kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

UpnDown - We are in "no fault" state. 

MyselfAgain - Thanks for sharing and understanding. I can't help but still sometimes wonder when he stopped feeling and how did I not notice. I guess after all these days, I am still in denial.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

M12, I'm rocking the 6 week mark myself. I started getting angrier last week and it has helped me feel about 2% better. Are you journalling? Writing stuff down helps you purge the internal dialogue; and it lets you look back on a few weeks ago and note that you aren't the same person you were then and that you are slowly mending and getting more control.

Feel everything and be active. You can't really trick the process but you can at least not fight it.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

I have a great progress from week 1 to now. But you know it's like there are triggers that get you down. Keeping myself really busy help. And hanging out with family and friends. Haven't really told everyone so don't have many friends to share with.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

I find that when i talk to others that i'm mostly just talking to myself anyway. Their eyes glaze over after weeks of x-this, x-that. lol.

I'm reading this buddhist book right now, "When Things Fall Apart" and it says that when you have these triggers that the important thing is to stop and recognize them. Don't fight it but focus on the thought/feeling and then let it go.


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## boxhead201 (Jun 8, 2012)

I left because of the constant fighting. The STBXW pushed me out of the house because of her behavoir. She gave me a month of silent treatment that I could not longer take. I ended up moving out. She didn't even try to make me stay. It appears she could have cared less. When I left she told her friends that she was glad I was gone. 

Then while I was out, I found out she was having an EA which made it so easy for her to discard me like a hot potato. 

I filed for D because I don't want to be in R limbo.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

bh201 - I guess my situation is slightly different. There was no silent treatment from me. There is no affair, no nada at least from my side. Don't know his. Yes we had fights, but we were spending a lot of time together. We were hugging and being all affectionate. And he left when I wasn't at home. I didn't even have a chance. I asked him to come back and I was all emotional. But he acted very cold. It's shocking to me how anyone can be all loving and be distant in a few days. And no I haven't filed for anything. I just don't think I deserve it.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

For me, 180 works so far. Not to get back the relationship but to make myself heal and to make myself stronger. 

But of course, there are those times that you just have to go through... again. I guess love is a one crazy thing...


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Someone said anger - funny SadSoul and I were just talking about how feeling angry feels better than sadness - but I also practice meditation and I know the two don't really coincide, so long as you sit there and revel it in.

Married for 2.5 years, I'm 30, no kids, no affairs - he left and it's been 3 months tomorrow. I left the state 3 weeks ago as I couldn't stay there anymore. For us it looks like it's coming to an end - I can't stand limbo ... living in false hope, you can't heal, but you can't move forward as a team.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Hi Emma - sorry to hear about it. My stbxh never even initiated contact. Anger. Yes. I have that. I guess I feel like I can't go on like this in limbo. But not quite ready to pull the trigger.
I still have feelings. I know. And it's all sorts of feelings. A part of me is still in denial.
I function quite normal but i can't wait to be happy again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

muriel12 said:


> bh201 - I guess my situation is slightly different. There was no silent treatment from me. There is no affair, no nada at least from my side. Don't know his. Yes we had fights, but we were spending a lot of time together. We were hugging and being all affectionate. And he left when I wasn't at home. I didn't even have a chance. I asked him to come back and I was all emotional. But he acted very cold. It's shocking to me how anyone can be all loving and be distant in a few days. And no I haven't filed for anything. I just don't think I deserve it.


Muriel,

It's likely there's someone else.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

I thought about it as well. He didnt admit. I am not surprised. He never really had that much courage to confront. Should I try to find out or move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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