# Sleeping with other people during separation?



## robert1234 (Oct 28, 2010)

What is your opinion on sleeping with other people during a separation?

W and I separated 2 months ago. We made an agreement to not sleep with other people for 3 months so we can work on ourselves and work out whether we want to try again. Phone records show W is booty calling some idiot. I feel angry and betrayed, even though we are separated. 

How long did you wait before starting to date other people? Is it best to wait for divorce to come through to avoid trouble? Does sleeping around during separation affect anything legally where you are (e.g. property splits)?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

U are still married til the decree is signed by a judge. If u have an agreement and she broke it then she didn't keep her word. Was she sleeping w him before the separation? Did she initiate the separation. Couples that want to reconcile shouldn't sleep w other people. Its a big mess to clean up and work thru. I speak from experience as we both did it and couldn't work thru it. It sort of was the death knell. We divorced.
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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She is breaking the agreement and using the separation to live the single life instead of working on the marriage. 

You should call her on it with divorce papers. She is cheating plain and simple. 

You kick cheaters into the street and tell them to go away. 

This is why I don't believe in separation. It's used mostly to cheat not work on things. You actually need to be together to be working.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I didn't wait nearly long enough to start seeing someone after separating, but there was no plans or even discussions about a reconciliation. Up here, there is a mandatory one year separation period, and infidelity, either before or after separation, has no bearing on support or custody.

I do think that what I'm doing is wrong, but in a relatively minor way. Most of the people who know my situation (including my parents) have been very nonjudgmental of me seeing someone, and nobody has suggested I stop. In your situation though, where you had an agreement to not see anyone for 3 months, it seems foolish on her part to disregard that agreement. How sure are you that there wasn't something going on before your separation, and it's only now coming out into the open?

C
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## robert1234 (Oct 28, 2010)

Thanks for the insight people.

100% sure she wasn't sleeping with him before separation. She just met him in the city she moved to 2 months ago. 

In our case, the separation was a mutual decision. We needed the space to clear the air because nothing was being resolved. I took the time to grow personally and came to the point where I could think about trying again. She has been telling other people that it's over which I find really disrespectful because we haven't even had that conversation. I would be much more ok with OM on the scene if we had definitively ended things, but as of now, we haven't. 

I think I know what I need to do. Writing it down in this forum helps solidify my thoughts. Thanks for being there people.


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## JustFriends (Nov 1, 2011)

My situation a little different, married for 24 years with (3) girls, (2) which are out of the house. Life occured and (change of life) happened to me and we went from a healthy sex life 3 X's a week to once every 3 weeks...Going into my 5th year..this is when the men always leave their wives for younger women...I've done everything for my husband except go to work for him also have been providing for family since 2005..We took the risk of our life time and invested in a Solar Business in NC partnered with a long time friend, my husband went to school and moved from TN to NC for 6 months flying in monthy as I supported family...I resigned from my Corp position of 10 years in Oct as we were listing house and transitioning to NC after holidays..He flew up in Jan and back with horrible news partner had issues with IRS and we lost everything and both without jobs..I was able to save our home which was almost paid for..as he laid in chair watching History channel...depressed..I encouraged him...loved him...lifted him up..Kicked his butt..put my foot up his butt..everything I knew to get him on his feet..He's a very talented man...

July 8th a mutual decission was made for him to leave us seperate...Im thinking he will realize while alone and now working what I had done for our family...Well by accident as we never had "trust" issues I needed a phone number from our Verizon Account and just out of curiousity I glanced at his calls..Noticed one for 77 min..He's never talked to anyone for 77 min..as I downloaded and sorted the text and call records and contacted the OP she gave her name and we hung up. IThis woman came to our home on 07/21 looking for a buddy she previously dated and my husband was cutting our grass, he informed her he didn't live here anymore we were going thru a DIVORCE...1st I'd heard of it...It was on for 18 days very ugly excel spreadsheet...They met the very day she came by..then texted for several hours...in 18 days 300 minutes and 285 texts to which my husband was the pursuer.You can tell when they were together (15) out of the (18) days..I called her the very day and told her who I was and to back off...I have caught my husband in multiple lies he moved back home 6 days later at which I had lost 20lbs I didn't weigh 118 to begin with...and "He didn't Kiss her or Have Sex" it was someone to talk to..."Just Friends"....

God intervened and brought us back together and we both know that..I know that secrets keep you sick and want allow you to move forward....I know that he was in the state of mind that it was OVER and he was moving on...He since has admitted to an "Affair"..but "Just Friends"...everything basically Ive found out, I've had to dig for...

Our Girls were/are very angry and confronted him at which time I found out more information..he just can't remember,said it wasn't important...

"You don't forget the Truth..and you don't even have to remember it"..

He wants me to let it go...He said I should know him better than that...he gets angry when it is brought up...wants it over now..We do have God in our life, we have looked over the last few years and things are better...BUT AS LONG AS HE KEEPS THE BIG SECRET..we will not be able to move forward...I suggest watching the movie "FireProof" together....Vows are not considered today..There is a reason it states "for better or worse" and "for richer or poorer"...It is OUR TIME and..No Sex isn't OK because if Gods in your life and its meant to be although "you've been consumed by life" living in the last days as I believe it works out but (Affairs) create problems on top of what you already had...and he needs to TELL the Truth so we can put it behind us both and move forward..

Thanks


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

IMO if there's any thought of reconciliation then it's a stupid idea to sleep with someone else. It'll drive a wedge between you that is insurmountable, despite what you say or think at the time. 

IMO, if you want to actively date others then get a divorce and be done with it. I'm not into the game playing that dating other people while separated entails. 

I've been separated a year. I have no plans to reconcile or divorce but I don't plan to date either. I couldn't do it, plus with my kids still living with me, no way would I get involved with someone else while still married.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Didn't read everything above - but I know its cheating. Marriage is marriage.


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