# Please help I'm going nuts and very depressed.



## jackson300zx (May 15, 2011)

Hi all and thanks ahead to any advice and help I can get. I'll give you a little background. I am and have been a little to jealous and possessive in which my wife just made me super aware of a week or 2 ago. We were together for 6 years plus 1 1/2 married for a total of about 7 to 7-1/2 years. On Easter Sunday she came out of no where and told me she wasn't happy and hasn't been. Things went on to be somewhat ok for a few days and it came up again. Her reasons is because I am to controlling and she says shes done with the relationship. And she tells me even if I change she don't trust that I will stay changed. And she just keeps saying we're done, and she don't even want to try counselling because she says nothing will change her mind. I got her to see a counselor with me once a few days ago and we talked some stuff and she still even said then that she knows my change won't last and shes done. I continue to accept that I am to jealous and agreed to continue counselling myself to fix my issues. She just packed up and moved out 2 nights ago and I'm going INSANE, I haven't called or texted her at all but I soooo want to!. When is it right for me to communicate with her? I don't want her to drift further away, but yet I also want her to have her space and think about everything. This is a very suck spot! And this all seemed to be very out of the blue to me, I know I have the issue but I just wish she would of let me get help and change rather than make up her mind out of no where and just be ready to drop our 7 year relationship and marriage. Please help I need some advice, and please I really want positive advice I really really want to make this work and get back together. I am 110% ready to commit to changing and I'll do anything. She seems like she just don't think I will change......


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## jackson300zx (May 15, 2011)

And I just want to add that recently she has been treating me like a friend and it has been very wierd and upsets me even more. She talks to me but just small talk and Its just driving me insane. ANd now that she moved out, I don't know if I should call her, give her space, or a mix of both....I'm just so confused and need help!


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## jackson300zx (May 15, 2011)

And a little more background. We lived with her parents for a few years while we were working on her grandparents house which she was very attached to because of the memories. We ended up not having the money to complete the house so we sold it, and we ended up moving 2 hours away from her family because of my job. She is very close with her mom and family, I do think part of all of that added to whatever shes doing and going through.


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## Heartbroken007 (Mar 31, 2011)

Don't make any contact. It's not going to be easy but that's what you need to do. Give her space. If she is going to drift away, she's going to drift if you contact her or not. Keep busy and try not to change the inevitable. She will come around if it's meant to be.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

People want what they can't have so keep our distance. Go work out and start a hoppy, maybe yu can pick up some side work. The point is keep your self busy.

Just give her the space no matter how hard it is you have to wait her out. contacting her will push her away. Distancing your self and getting her to believe you are confident in moving on with out her will make her evaluate the possiblity of loosing you for good.

The last thing you want is her thinking you will always be around when ever she is good and ready.

Giving her the perseption that you will not wait around and can successfuly move on with out her will second quess her dicision.
Again people want what they cant have.

Begging and pleading is unattractive and gives the perseption you will do any thing for her, there by waiting around until she is done with what ever she is doing.

So don't call,pick your self up. Its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts.

Let her be the first one to make the contact, this will get her thinking. Whaen she does call let her know you love her but until she want to recommit to the marriage you will not try to control her and that you are making the changes in your self for you not her and she is more then welcome to come along.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Hope that the distance between the two of you will make her second quess her self...especially if she believe you are cabaple of moving on with out her. Even though we both know this hurts like hell and is tough as sh*y to do it is the best way to get her back.

Face it you can't control her, so what good will contacting her 1st achieve? What can you say that will change her mind? Its all about what you can *do* that will show her that you have made changes. Call her now will only show her that you are the same man that she left and why she is out looking to replace you.

Show her by distancing your self, show her you are a confident and strong man that does not need a woman that is half ass commited to him. You don't need to tell her but show her by not contacting her.


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## jackson300zx (May 15, 2011)

I'm going to try my best, I think I can do it.......We planned to communicate Wednesday. It was a counselors advise to have a communication plan......Her birthday is coming up too on the 26th. What do I do? I can't possibly control myself to not do something for her for her birthday. She thinks that she can't have fun with me, and I don't like to party and such.....Think it would be ok for me to plan a party for her without her knowing? Shes the party type and I'm not. If I don't contact her until then, and show her that I can throw her a party and pose to have someone else throw it and me show up and all to show her that I can have fun with her......Its what I want to do. I think I can handle not talking to her until then. I think I can show her a few things by all of this. Both that I can be strong and not need her, and that I can have fun and she can have fun with me.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Not emailing/calling/texting my soon to be ex is KILLING ME. I have the hardest time with this one. I have to keep telling myself that if he wanted to talk to me, he probably wouldn't have wanted to divorce me. I then cry at the thought and do whatever it takes to control the urge.


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## jackson300zx (May 15, 2011)

Ya staircase....I know exactly how you feel. Its driving me NUTS!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think thats a good goal to meet. So no contact until the 26th throw a party at a friends house and leave it that.


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## jackson300zx (May 15, 2011)

Thanks......The hard part is not contacting her =/ I want to change but can't help but think what shes been doing without me =( I can do it though with some support. Being 2 hours away from friends and family is really making it tougher. My cousin was up for the weekend keeping me company. But tonight is my first night being fully alone =(


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

I am alone as well. I work virtually which means I don't get face to face interaction at work, either. 

I know exactly what my soon to be ex is doing. He is eating with his nose in the computer. That's better than me :/


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