# Is this normal



## MrsQualls (Jan 29, 2012)

Me and my husband have been married almost 7 months now. Prior to us getting married we had a very rocky relationship. It seemed to consist of a lot of on again off again drama. I can honestly say when we were "off," he was all I thought about and really would have a hard time coping with being without him. Everytime we did have a break up I always thought it was the end and I would basically cry to my friends (not literally) about how hurt I was and they would always tell me, "you guys will get back together", and we always did. We realized that even though we had our differences, we didn't like being apart, and we decided to get married. I'd say the first 2 months were pretty nice, although I don't quite remember us ever going through the "honeymooning stage," where everything was picture perfect and we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. We got along pretty well though, and we were happy. Well needless to say, around the 3rd month we were back to our old ways again. I can't even tell you how many times the word divorce has come up. Right now we are separated, and I'm hurting. He says he's done, and I don't want to believe him. To make matters even more complicated, I just found out I am pregnant. He's not happy about it. I really don't know what I am supposed to do. I want my marriage, and I love my husband, and I definitely plan on having our baby, but I just hate all of this off and on crap. I also don't want him to think I'm continuing this pregnancy to keep him in my life. I am prepared to be a single parent if that's what happens, but I surely don't want that. So I guess my question is, is it normal to go through these ups and downs in a marriage, or did we just make a foolish mistake going through with this in the first place. I know it seems immature, but this is how our relationship goes. I would like things to be more stable, especially now that we're bring a child into the world. Any suggestions.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Marriages have ups and downs. But yours seem much more profound. Apparently you expected marriage to fix things. It never does, it makes the good better and the bad worse.

When is your due date? Do not allow a divorce to be finalized until after you have the baby. He is the legitimate father of your baby. And your baby deserves to have the legitimacy recognized.

Do not pursue him. He needs to pursue you if this is to be fixed. Look at the link to the 180 below. Act towards him in that manner now. Do not be needy, do not beg, and so forth.

Keep him informed on the pregnancy and invite him to every doctor visit. Do you have enough money to live on and stay healthy? Is he helping you with the pregnancy?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Ups & downs are normal in any marriage, but yours seems a bit more than what I would call average.

I'm thinking with how rocky the relationship was before the wedding, it will probably continue that way all the way thru. (Just history repeating itselft).

Do you want to raise your child exposed to those emtions/ relationships? You want to have a healthy adult relationship as an example for your child. They pick up much more than you think they do.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I'm kind of curious how long your relationship was before you decided to get married...

Every relationship has ups and downs, but if it is constantly "I'm leaving" as the result of a disagreement..why would you get married..does that sound healthy to you? and last, would you want to watch your parents do that on a regular basis growing up?

It sounds like the two of you need to one, grow up a bit. and two, realize that "love" isn't missing someone when they're gone, it's cherishing them when they're there. 

If you're prepared to be a single parent, then by all means, do it. Keep it friendly with him, and raise the child in the most stable environment possible. I mean, unless both of you are going to be able to commit to marriage counseling, its really your best option.


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## CraigW (Jul 7, 2012)

The constant breakups are not normal, IMO. Marriages have their ups and downs but yours seem to be classified "on again-off again". 
You both have to work at it with the same goal in mind. If its that easy for either of you to say "we're done" then there isn't much commitment. Something has to change. 
Just my opinion and good luck


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