# should i bother even calling back?



## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

My STBXH has been acting like such a jerk lately. Saturday i called to ask him a question about the pool we had. Called twice and texted asking to call i had a question. No response. Sunday he texts me early to say that he was sorry he did not respond but he was busy. i said fine, i figured out what i needed from him on my own.


Then i asked if he was coming up to visit next weekend (he is in the army, stationed 6 hours away and being kicked out of the army from failing a drug test). He said he is not aloud to have leave because his platoon is on leave and he has to do gate guard, and staff duty (you work in the office from 5pm to 5 am. and gate guard he works from 6:30pm til 9 am checking IDs at the gate). I asked him if he could meet half way to get some lunch with our kids so he can see them. He hasnt seen any of us since Jan. Our baby was only a month old since he last saw him, hes almost 7 months old now. Our oldest had just turned 3. My STBXH said "ill think about it". Then was "busy" the whole time i was trying to see why he had to "think about" seeing his kids. So eventually i just gave up and told him to either take the offer or not, im not gonna keep pushing him about it.


Well today he calls me, i didnt answer because i was cleaning. I really dont wanna call him back. He is always "too busy" to talk to us and i make me and my kids available all of the time, atleast my kids. Im trying to keep him involved with them as much as possible and he takes it for granted. 

Should i even call him back or not? I am really starting to think about not making myself and the kids available to him as much because never does to us. He also gets annoyed when i call to tell him stuff about our kids. (example: called to tell him our sons lip swelled and he couldnt breathe, had to get an epipen for him. He said "why ar eyou telling me this? Whats calling me about him going to do?" He seems like he doesnt care anymore. He use to not be like that. Ever since he got back from his deployment last Dec he doesnt care about anything or anyone anymore but himself. I dont wanna keep the kids from him but then again he really isnt interested unless its on his terms.

what would you do?


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Did he leave a message or you just know he called from the ID? If no message I wouldn't bother. Sad to say but he can make an effort to see his kids on his own. I doubt my WW would try to have me around the kids at all. Of course I am involved.

Maybe just let this one go and see what he does next.

I'm a noob though so maybe see what others think.


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

no message or text. thats why im torn, dont wanna keep the kids from him but when i tell him stuff about them or we call him he act annoyed. everything has to be on his terms. he wants to talk to them or know something when he wants to.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Let's see if this is right. He makes no effort to see his kids and has not asked you for any kind of joint custody arrangement Do you at least get child support? I would not pursue him or make yourselves available at all. You gave him a chance and he did not take it. If he' s not paying child support then file for it. If he doesn't want to be involved then he can help out financially.


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> Let's see if this is right. He makes no effort to see his kids and has not asked you for any kind of joint custody arrangement Do you at least get child support? I would not pursue him or make yourselves available at all. You gave him a chance and he did not take it. If he' s not paying child support then file for it. If he doesn't want to be involved then he can help out financially.





He did not pay anything until I filed for child support. Now he gives me only 200 a month for 2 kids. I go to court the 24th to see how much he's suppose to pay for them. So its not court ordered. He isn't fighting for any joint custody. He says he wants visitation but yet doesn't put the effort in. I'm always the one putting the effort in to have him involved. If I didn't tell him anything or offer then he wouldn't ask or try to talk to our oldest. When I pull away and tell him nothing then he says he isn't involved because of me. So its really confusing and messed up.
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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

No, don't take ANY responsibility for him not being involved. He helped make the kids and any TRUE father would be banging your door down to see their kids without any help. When you pull away, it is out of frustration for the lack of involvment on his part. You are right in what you are doing. Not sure of what him Army rank is but 200 is awfully low for two kids. I am active duty and am an E-8. If my wife had our kids (3) full time then I would be paying 1150$ here in VA.


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

He is an E-4. He is suppose to give 800 but it hasn't been court ordered so he said all he can afford is 200 a month since he has bills to pay off before he is discharged next month. 200 is better than what he was origionally giving me which was nothing. He only started paying 200 because he knew I filed and he didn't wanna look like a dead beat paying nothing. Not sure how its gonna work out tho because he is in nc and I am in md. Things are more expensive in md than nc
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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

AR 608-99 details your soldier's financial obligations regarding dependant support. In the absence of a court order, he's required to give you at least the equivelant of his BAH w/ dependant rate. If you aren't getting it, call his First Sergeant.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Military News, benefits, careers, photos, discussions - Military Times HOME


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

http://www.apd.army.mil/pdffiles/r608_99.pdf


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## momtoboys (Apr 22, 2012)

thanks for the info and the link. I am hesitant to call his commander or first sgt because he is getting kicked out the army. He just got his discharge papers so he should know a discharge date soon, he has to be done by july because they want him out before they deploy and they deploy in july. Im going to the states attorneys office thursday and tell them everything and see what they suggest i do. Soon he will have no job which means no income, so i am not exactly sure what will happen if he doesnt have a job.


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## InTheBedIMade (May 20, 2012)

The housing allowance he received is yours. Call his coc and let them know that you weren't receiving it. In their eyes he has defrauded the government by collecting this allowance and not using it for its intent. My coc was not receptive to exwife calls and weren't sweet about anything, but the always did the right thing, and extra if they didn't care for the marine to begin with. Popping a drug test is a pretty good way to fall out of favor.
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