# So many issues



## Stuck11 (Jun 12, 2013)

Been married 13 years. Too many issues to mention. Seems like no matter how hard I try this just does'nt work.

Problems started when my husband cheated on me during my pregnacy. For a very long time I felt that when I needed him most he was not there for me. Add to that that he is not very supportive to my needs I eventually started wondering if this was all worth it.

I have however believed in standing by your man and even when he made very bad financial decisions I stood by him and made huge loans to help him. Now I am trapped and can't get out without financially ruining us.

He has always had a thing about internet chat groups. Recently I found out that he was talking to a woman in our town. I read a message asking him if she will see him the following day. He said that he never seen this woman and that he would never go see her.

A week later he told me that he was attending a farewell for a friend. I had no problem at first. He however said that he was planning on staying over the night. The same evening I cought him on his phone, when he saw me he hid the phone from me. He says he was planning a surprise for me. He has never planned any thing for me in our time together. 

I did not believe him and got very angry. Said that I think he was planning on meeting this other woman.

I have never been the jealous type. He travels alot and I have never acted like this. Now he feels that I need to go for therapy. He feels that I should trust him no matter what. That I should be okay with him chatting to other woman and believe that he will not do anything wrong. My answer that he has in the past proved that I can't trust him made him very angry. According to him that was in the past and this is now. No matter that he lied to me now by keeping this frienship a secret.

I agreed to work on the marriage again. Started from scratch. From his side it lasted two weeks. He is once again on his phone most evenings. Then today he tells me that maybe we should concider a break. Him moving out. But his mother must still stay with me because it will be better for my daughter to stay on in the house, as a seperation will be hard on her anyway.

I feel used, angry, sad and has been crying alot. Tonight we will sit and discuss the budget to see ifwe can aford a place for him.

What a joke. Wait till he sees the budget, no money for an extra place without giving up the luxuries he got so used to. And I am not looking after his mother.

All said, I still want this to work and I'm still prepared to work on this.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Stuck11 said:


> All said, I still want this to work and I'm still prepared to work on this.


Why would you still want this to work? He has demonstrated that he is a cheater, untrustworthy, and continues to communicate with other women, no doubt to arrange hookups? And now he wants to abandon you.

Please rethink your stance on this.


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## Stuck11 (Jun 12, 2013)

I love my husband. We have a beautiful daughter. We have a good life if you seperate the marital problems we are having from the rest. I have put everything in to make this work. We have a business together. So many reasons to want to make this work.

I'm sure that I am also making mistakes. It's never one sided.

I believe in marriage. The till death do us part. I believe that there will always be issues and that you have to work through it. I believe that if we truly can commit, both of us, then we can make this work.

I never just give up. I am prepared to fight for my marriage. But I need him to feel the same. You don't just give up 13 years.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

And yet, here you are.

It's nigh impossible to have a healthy marriage without the foundation of *trust*.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Stuck11 said:


> I love my husband. We have a beautiful daughter. We have a good life if you seperate the marital problems we are having from the rest. I have put everything in to make this work. We have a business together. So many reasons to want to make this work.
> 
> I'm sure that I am also making mistakes. It's never one sided.
> 
> ...


Herein lies your problem...HE DOES NOT wish to commit and put in the work required to make it work. You cannot do it by yourself. Do you wish for your child to grow up in such a dysfunctional home? And for this to be the example of how men treat women?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

ThreeStrikes said:


> And yet, here you are.
> 
> It's nigh impossible to have a healthy marriage without the foundation of *trust*.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

And, you cannot have a healthy, fulfilling marriage when only *one partner is working towards that goal.*

He does not behave like a man who wants to explore the rich depths that marriage has to offer. Do you really want to be in a lopsided relationship where many of your deepest needs -- *intimacy, trust, a soul connection, where he has your back ALWAYS and you have his* -- are not being met?


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## Ssy (Apr 2, 2014)

You say you are prepared to fight for your marriage. But you need him to feel the same.

Both of you need to make the marriage work. He is moving out, just ask yourself why he would up and leave now that things are rough?

Do you realize that if he moves out, he can sleep with whoever he wants and not feel guilty about it because you were separated. Is that the type of marriage you want?


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I know you love your husband, but that does not mean that you should let him treat you how he wants, which is what hes doing.

Your husband is lying to you, hes talking to other women, its obvious he is, and i am sorry, but i do believe he was going to meet the other woman.

Hes already cheated on you once while you was pregnant ( which is just awful).... you forgave ( i would not have) I do not give second chances..... not anymore, but you did, and still he has shown hes untrustworthy.

You have bailed him out financially, stuck by him, tried to make things work, and what has he done for you??.

Then you both decide to work on your marriage, and you say your husband has been still on his phone most evenings, which tells me, the deceiving, and lying, has never stopped.

He tells you to trust him, but you have to earn trust, and hes done nothing to earn trust from you.... and to be honest, I would not trust him for a second.

You say you want him back, you love him, and want to work on your marriage, but what is there for you to work on, if hes not willing to work on your marriage, and from what you say hes clearly not, then no matter how much it hurts, I would seriously consider a divorce......

Of course its going to hurt, but i would rather the hurt at first, than staying and spending my life with someone who will cause me more hurt in the future.


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