# I can't get over my toxic ex and I keep going blackened help and advice



## Ltdan459 (May 10, 2018)

I'm 27 years old and have an ex who I was with for 8 years and who I have 3 kids with.

We were high school sweet hearts each others first everything and yes we lost our virginity together. 

Our relationship was full of issues mostly dealing with b's from her family always getting in the way and she to me would chose her family over ours. To the point I left her not our kids but her and then we got back together. 

About a little over 2 years ago we separated. Not our first time we separated but our 2nd time. And I don't mean break ups I mean devorce and court and such. Anyway the 2nd time she ended up cheating on me I feel it was my falt somewhat I grew distant and would not be in the mood for sex pay attention to her hold her at night I just well after dealing with bs for 8 years yea. 

Anyway she left me for this guy. Oh man did it hurt like hell and yes I was deeply depressed mostly knowing we had a special connection together not just kids but our virginity. It bothered me so much knowing another man was with her in bed. Even while she was with the guy we would do everything but sex even doing things with the kids like she wanted to come back.

Eventually I got over her took me 5 months. Mostly after I got 50/50 of our kids she some how went to court for child support and won. It was like she kicked me while I was on the ground. I was still copping with the separation but after that I focused on my kids and moved on.

After that guy she left me for kept cheating on my ex and ended up leaving her she came back but we were parents with benifets. At first it was just sex we both went into it as that sex then I go my way she goes her way but after December we started doing more things with the kids together and more romantic stuff like dates hanging out, she would want me to cuddle, then she the kissing she would kiss me, she even invited me to stay over her place a few times for weeks when her Sister who she lives with was out of town. anyway I was thinking we could get back together I had a taste of being a family again but no she didn't want a relationship she said it was just parents with benifets. 

Anyway for the past 10 months up until 3 weeks ago we had our ups and downs and small break ups 3 times were she would not deal with me but She would come back to me latter. 

Now we are at our 4th time not dealing with each other. 
Also I noticed she would just lay there for sex or not in the mood when I was for a week at the end of April. At first I though she is seeing someone else but no evidence and the fact we were always with each other and yea she would not lock her phone like she would she she cheated yea I looked through her phone too and nothing.

I want to move on but I can't I'm now back in the same boat and how I felt when we separated but not as bad.

Part of me wants her back part of me dosnt it's hard I can't stop thinking about her at times and I feel imberusse but I masterbaite to her or her doing that guy when I'm alone is that healthy?

I feel like was I a rebound for the rebound or she was just using me.

I feel like she dose not know what she wants

I feel like she wanted to get back but didn't know if it would work.


2 things are hard for me to forgive her 1 she kept me away from my kids for 3 months after our first separation and court. 2 she cheated. I forgave her yet part of me dosnt really forgive and if we ever got back would not trust her.

Also would she come back she seems to every time?

Also when I do no contact ever time she leaves me she comes right back but I'm the sucker to answer the first call or text thinking things would work out but it never dose. That's whay I'm doing right now.

Side note she tried to get a restraining order against me for no reson other then to keep me away when she left but she ended up braking it when she would call or text saying she missed me and us and wanting to work it out but never did. She ended up dropping the order just wanted to ad that.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

In a good relationship, a couple has each other's backs. They are able to trust their lives with each other, so they join their lives together. This woman has tried to take your children from you. She has cheated on you. She has lied to you and used you.

You have a bond with this woman that needs to be broken in order for you to heal and move on. She has repeatedly and continuously shown you that she is not on your side. She is out for what she can get and has no qualms about hurting you and her children in the process.

You know all this, so why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have your back and mistreats you as if you have no value other than financial or a booty call?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You need to STOP interacting with her. Do a 180, just communicate about your children (you ARE still divorced, yes?). STOP doing things with her as a family -- she isn't your family any more, just the mother of your children. Sounds like you are too co-dependent and really need to find a way to get her our of your life. STOP answering her calls, tell her to only communicate about the kids via email. She isn't your friend (for Gods' sake look at what she's done to you! Cheated, tried to get a restraining order.....). Just STOP being around her so much. You can't start detaching from her if you are constantly with her.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I completely understand the bond you have, as I had the same with my ex...I feel like that piece of me is his. I don't want to erase it or change it. It was precious, innocent, and very special. Also, very, very hard to walk away from. I was no longer in love with my ex when I left, so all of the romantic feelings were dead on my side. That doesn't seem to be the case with you. She sounds like she is a lot more over you, than you are over her. That's a BIG problem. 

You will never get over her if you continue to play house. If this is the life you BOTH want, then so be it. It doesn't sound like it makes either of you happy though. 

You may just have to extremely limit your contact with her and start dating someone else, to be able to get over her. Be very honest with anyone you date about your struggles. There are some wonderful women out there. My advice would be to go find you one.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It's no secret, @Ltdan459 ~ that trusting men can get bonded to skanks, giving their hearts totally away, only to end up getting blindsidedly slammed right in the solar plexus!

I know ~ as the same damned thing happened to me! Twice, no less!

She has preeminently shown you her true colors and as such, it is time to immediately execute "the 180," by prepping yourself to be without her!

Separate finances, commit your time to the kids, and take time to visit with a good family attorney to be fully advised of your property and custodial rights!

Sorry to see you having to go through all of this, but things will get better in time. You do not deserve this! *


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Lt. dan, I am sorry to say but some of this is on you, you knew her behavior but you kept taking her back, i get you have kids with her, and that you love her but when is enough enough, your in a toxic relationship that serve no use in modeling for your children, your better off co-parenting and demonstrating to your kids how to act as responsible adults...and pursue a relationship with someone who is not as toxic....time to move on...but blaming your wife after you were willing to take her back does not help the cause, and makes you look weak.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Love is not enough by itself to sustain a relationship. 

Move on and limit contact as much as possible.


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