# Bucket list for two



## alte Dame

I've been married for 36 years and in the last few years have settled into a very happy, loving, warm relationship with my H. We had some very rocky years (some of which I detailed on TAM), but wanted to save what we had and went to some very inspiring, successful couples counseling.

So, here I now am. I can say that I am very happily married. My children are well-educated and secure in their careers and lives in general. I have exactly three weeks left of my own career before I retire, and I find myself feeling almost liberated. I've worked since I was about 14 years old and can't believe that I can truly wake up in the morning and decide to do whatever (almost) I want.

Which brings me to this post -

I find that my mental planning focuses almost solely on 'all the great things I am now free to do,' but these things are personal to me and only include my H tangentially, if at all. He hasn't retired, and won't for a year or two, but nonetheless I'd like to be able to think of how we can enjoy retirement together.

What are your ideas for doing things together once the kids are well and truly out of the nest and you are free from work pressures? I am very interested in what the TAM community thinks about this. I suspect that I am not being creative or adventurous enough to let the good ideas flow.

(I realize that I've posted this in a pretty sleepy forum and am just hoping for some casual input on the topic.)


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## Marc878

Why don't you schedule a vacation (week or long weekend) touring Napa Valley.


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## Marc878

It's something Cary would do :grin2:


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## Marc878

You know that requires renting a convertible, right?


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## Married but Happy

alte Dame said:


> I find that my mental planning focuses almost solely on 'all the great things I am now free to do,' but these things are personal to me and only include my H tangentially, if at all. He hasn't retired, and won't for a year or two, but nonetheless I'd like to be able to think of how we can enjoy retirement together.
> 
> What are your ideas for doing things together once the kids are well and truly out of the nest and you are free from work pressures? I am very interested in what the TAM community thinks about this. I suspect that I am not being creative or adventurous enough to let the good ideas flow.


Congratulations! I am also retiring at the end of this month. My wife has several years to go, but as a writer, she can make her own schedule and work anywhere.

That said, we are starting a new adventure. We are moving across country to start, but as soon as we sell our home here we will first enjoy our beach community for a few weeks by staying at a resort right on the beach.

For the future, it mostly involves travel plus local activities. We have a Maritime Provinces cruise in September, a CA wine country get-away in late October, and Alaska in the works for late spring. Locally, we will have a robust arts and music community to enjoy (art and dance classes, museums, wine tastings), along with extensive hiking, biking, boating, and even skiing (we may have to learn). Shaping our new home to our tastes will also be an ongoing project, and may even include an indoor hydroponic garden. A big emphasis will be on making local friends at a similar life stage, with whom we can share the fun. We are compiling our travel bucket list and will work off of that, including Portugal, Italy, Thailand, Japan, and New Zealand.

What is most important to us is sharing these experiences together. We like most of the same things, and travel well together. We do have our own friends and interests, so will continue to spend time on those as well, but we're looking forward to having more time together.


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## notmyjamie

I'm not even close to retiring but my bucket list includes lots of travel and seeing much of what the US has to offer. I'd love to get an RV and just take off and see what I want to see. Ideally, they'll be someone in my life to share it with but it's still a dream of mine even if I'm alone.

You could start with visiting all kinds of historical places in your area. I'm from an area that has a lot of history and plenty of opportunities to see and learn so I would start there. Take day trips together while you wait for your husband to retire.

While he's still working find something to get involved in so you aren't sitting around all day waiting for him. My mom thoroughly enjoyed her retirement because she was so active. She was a big knitter, quilter, etc and had multiple groups that she was a part of each week. 

Volunteering is another good way to spend your time. Local food pantries or soup kitchens always need help. Find something that has meaning to you.

Congratulations!!


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## alte Dame

Marc878 said:


> It's something Cary would do :grin2:


Lol - Cary would head for the Riviera, no? That actually sounds great to me. Napa is for the earlier me, when I really loved to drink. Now I really love not to drink, so I get bored at all those wine tours and tastings.


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## alte Dame

Married but Happy said:


> Congratulations! I am also retiring at the end of this month. My wife has several years to go, but as a writer, she can make her own schedule and work anywhere.
> 
> That said, we are starting a new adventure. We are moving across country to start, but as soon as we sell our home here we will first enjoy our beach community for a few weeks by staying at a resort right on the beach.
> 
> For the future, it mostly involves travel plus local activities. We have a Maritime Provinces cruise in September, a CA wine country get-away in late October, and Alaska in the works for late spring. Locally, we will have a robust arts and music community to enjoy (art and dance classes, museums, wine tastings), along with extensive hiking, biking, boating, and even skiing (we may have to learn). Shaping our new home to our tastes will also be an ongoing project, and may even include an indoor hydroponic garden. A big emphasis will be on making local friends at a similar life stage, with whom we can share the fun. We are compiling our travel bucket list and will work off of that, including Portugal, Italy, Thailand, Japan, and New Zealand.
> 
> What is most important to us is sharing these experiences together. We like most of the same things, and travel well together. We do have our own friends and interests, so will continue to spend time on those as well, but we're looking forward to having more time together.


You've really got a plan! It sounds great and very healthy.

As I said, my only plan is to not work anymore, esp. not drive in rush hour traffic for one more day.

You inspire me. Maybe I should start thinking big. I have three trips planned for this summer, but only one includes my H....


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## alte Dame

notmyjamie said:


> You could start with visiting all kinds of historical places in your area. I'm from an area that has a lot of history and plenty of opportunities to see and learn so I would start there. Take day trips together while you wait for your husband to retire.
> !


This is a great idea for me. Thanks


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## CharlieParker

We just became semi-retired. We are moving half way across the country. Mainly for cost of living but it’ll be an adventure. Except for my college (4 hours away) and her childhood in Europe and Japan we’ve both only lived within a 35 mile radius. 

We don’t have kids, so could more or less always do what we wanted with our free time.


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## Mr. Nail

you wouldn't believe me if I told you. It's much too personal to get very helpful ideas from strangers. 
i recently read a complaint from a younger woman who's every vacation involved visiting all of her fiance's relatives in their country where she hasn't mastered the language. every day started at 8 am and ended at three the next morning. she came home worn out.
i have 2 bits of advice for you, well actually one bit and a smart alec comment. Don't get so rigid in your planning that you can't stop and do whatever looks interesting. cruises and vacation packages tend to do that. 
And the comment. Go to Idaho. you can tour the world here we have towns that share the names of famous places around the world. Yesterday I found denver idaho. I live between virginia and paris.


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## alte Dame

CharlieParker said:


> We just became semi-retired. We are moving half way across the country. Mainly for cost of living but it’ll be an adventure. Except for my college (4 hours away) and her childhood in Europe and Japan we’ve both only lived within a 35 mile radius.
> 
> We don’t have kids, so could more or less always do what we wanted with our free time.


My H will not move unless absolutely forced. I'm OK with that for now, since I can travel to see my kids.

Good luck on your adventure, CharlieP .

I think what I'm already getting from this thread is that I should be having this discussion more with my H, lol.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

While my wife and I have different interests much of the time, we both love to travel. The cool thing about travel is most places have a variety of things to do, some of which we can do together and some of which we can do on our own. 

For instance, I will accompany her to the botanical gardens and then she will accompany me at the airplane museum. We enjoy each other's enjoyment. Then the next day, she can go to a spa on her own while I go on a mountain bike ride (there are trails pretty much everywhere). After a few hours on our own, we come back together for dinner--and since we're both adventurous foodies, that's always a great time and we share stories of our individual adventures over a shared dinner. It's kinda' the best of both worlds, being able to do things together like an old married couple one day and then have a date with someone who has something new to say the next day.

Too many people think they have to spend every minute together, especially when traveling. As in all things, finding balance is key. That's what makes travel, be it local, cross country, or international, so wonderful. There are so many ways to slice it that any couple can both do what they want and still get plenty of great couple time.


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## Ikaika

First of all congrats @alte Dame on your impending retirement. 

As for us, given that neither of us are retired and likely anywhere between five to 10 years away from that point, it is hard to consider what we will do. Plus, youngest still has one more year of HS. If he goes to college he may go to school on an athletic scholarship but he also has said he may just want to forgo that and go to trade school for carpentry or electrician training. I told him he has to make his own decision and be content with it. It’s not my life. However, if he goes the latter route, we are likely to retire much earlier. No pressure - we don’t discuss that with him. 

I have been advised that while tempting as it sounds it is not as wise as to the excitement of just pulling up stakes and moving to a whole new location in our retirement. There are factors that would sound enticing to move, mainly it is not cheap to live where we are on a more or less fixed income. We could sell our place here for nearly $1M and have money to pay cash for a bigger place elsewhere and have that extra cash on hand to do so much more than if we stayed put. But, then there are factors that would keep us put, mostly my mother in law is likely to live to a 100 but needs care now and will need more care later (she is almost 90 now - body is strong but mind not so much). 

We both want (emphasis on want rather than plan to) to travel - we talk more about out of country than to the contiguous US. We want to travel to Japan (Okinawa - MIL’s country of birth), S. Korea, Thailand, Vietnam, Parts of S. America, Parts of Europe (mainly Scandinavian locales) and possibly Iceland. We could do this more on a budget that is not tied to where we live now than some other more affordable location. I guess as the time draws nearer and if we don’t have any serious illnesses ourselves we will have to make our plans. 

Short story, no serious bucket list yet. 


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## Mr. Nail

I told my wife I wanted to visit central america there is some wildlife refuges, some history, and the bit I thought would catch her attention a tour of a chocolate plantation. No dice.
I tried with a walking vacation in cornwall hiking parts of the South West coast path. Lots of up and down, good chance of rain. She thinks it looks great. 
We have done a working camp for the past 3 years. Entertaining kids while their parents do training. This year I think we will be camping alone, maybe a cabin.
The kicker is to plan a vacation that has things for both of you. Last tour we did was the Oregon Coast. She wanted to see lighthouses, I wanted to see wildlife and hike. It worked out ok.


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## alte Dame

Thank you all for your input. It's much appreciated & you've given me a different way to think about it.

You see, my H and I have always made our own plans. Yes, we plan things that we do together, but we also plan things on our own. So, when I decided on a retirement date, I started making flight arrangements - for myself, lol.

I have three trips planned for this summer. One is with my H and the other two are solo runs. 

It didn't occur to me until I started this thread that I should sit down with my H and plan, both short-term and long-term.

I'm really laughing at myself. We are a pretty well-traveled family, so there's no question that that is a popular choice. But the idea that I would make a solid plan for the retirement years with my H is actually almost a brainstorm.

Stupid, I know, but you guys have helped me & I thank you.


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## blazer prophet

Go exploring. As my wife and I approach retirement age when we travel we carry no agenda. We don't keep track of time. We eat when we're hungry and sleep when we're tired. Some days we are on the go and others resting. No expectations. Whether near or far, just go. 

Let me put it this way, when my daughter graduated from high school she asked me for one piece of advice. I told her to never turn 40 and look back with regret for things not done she could have. I say the same to you. Before you're too old to get out much, go and have fun- however you define it. And don't reach the age when you cannot do so with any regret. 

Also, for what it's worth, mt secret country to visit is Uruguay. It has beaches, mountains, unspoiled and great beef. Maybe you'll consider it as well.


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## giddiot

Go rent a condo on the beach.


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