# She talks ALL the time but doesn't want to listen to me.



## Mike2.0 (May 4, 2017)

She will talk non-stop and "demands" that you listen to her if she has the slightest feeling that you are not. Conversation is one way...it's only her talking, and the briefest "talk" is at least 10 minutes of her going on and on with no pause. If you say a single word she will bark "listen!", even if it is to comment of what she said. She will then go on until she is finished, at which point she will get up and leave to attend to something or hang up if its over the phone (because the "conversation" is basically over).

I am not much of a talker myself so if i do talk it's something significant. So sometimes i will try to share something with her and she will straight up say "are you done?", indicating that i am talking too much... And this is only about 1 or max 2 mins into telling her about something significant that had happened. Of course if i was to say anything remotely close to something like that to her, she would go berserk. After cutting me off like that, she will begin talking "so, yeah....", and she will, literally, go on for 20 mins straight. I used to actively listen but now i am starting to feel this might not be normal. I can literally (and have done so just to prove to myself that it's that extreme), put the phone down, take a shower and get back on the phone and she would still be talking, without the slightest clue that i wasn't even on the phone. After she is done, she will say "i gotta go" and the conversation is over. It could be 40 minutes of talking with me literally only saying "yeah" and "aha" the whole time. This has been going on for 3 years. 

At one point, recently, i was telling her something that i was obviously very excited about and she literally said "are you done?!" when i paused about a minute in to see if she was still there because she was silent. I expressed to her, politely of course, that that was something disrespectful and that i was just sharing something with her and that a conversation cant be with only her talking, to which she replied "no it can!" Which shocked me really because she was serious. I told her that that is not nice and she says "you don't have to complain all the time (which is hardly ever). It doesn't have to be about you talking because you are not a woman"...basically saying that wanting to talk is womanly and as a man i am not supposed to have a desire to talk...at all. So she flipped the whole thing on me and actually got mad - almost yelling - how i never listen when in 3 years all i have been doing is listening to her talk.

I don't know guys. This is the only long term relationship i've been in. Prior to her it was all short term or open. So i have no reference point. Is this normal? Am i missing something here?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Of course it isn't 'normal'. But most things aren't - they are what they are and you either like them or you don't.

My MIL is like this and it's horrible for my FIL. Have you tried telling her what you think of her verbal diarrhea?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Can you give us a bit more info so that we understand your situation more?

How old are the two of you?

Are you married to this woman? or are you dating her?

If you are marriage, how long did you date before marriage and how long have you been married?

So here's a short answer for now. Now you are not missing something. She has a distorted view of what communication in a relationship is about.


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

If you're not married I'd move on. My wife always butts in while I'm saying something. I can't imagine having to deal with this.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Record the conversations and play them back to her.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

It seems like she has awareness of communication being tilted in her favor. It's deliberate on her part, and her expectation is that you listen and not talk, for the rest of your relationship... which could be a very very long time. I'm guessing you're not OK with this.

If you're not married, no problem. Just leave her if she's so self-absorbed to think that her words are the only ones worth hearing. From your post, it seems like she's just talking incessantly without even asking your opinion or anything. That's a monologue, not an exchange. That isn't a healthy communication pattern.

You're lucky that your woman isn't testing your understanding of what she says. My wife does this, and it can make her long conversations all the more tortuous (she's super snarky if she thinks I'm not listening). I imagine over time, your woman will want you to confirm some details of her monologue by the time you return from your shower. It's that day, where you'll be in trouble. Watch out!


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## urf (Feb 18, 2017)

"I Wanna Talk About Me"

We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts
We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover
We talk about your friends and the places that you've been
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose
And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes
You know talking about you makes me smile
But every once in awhile

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me

We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes
your high school team and your moisturizer creme
We talk about your nanna up in Muncie, Indiana
We talk about your grandma down in Alabama
We talk about your guys of every shape and size
The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize
We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts
And your medical charts and when you start
You know talking about you makes me grin
But every now and then

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me

You you you you you you you you you you you you you
I wanna talk about me

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about me


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## Mike2.0 (May 4, 2017)

Hope1964 said:


> Of course it isn't 'normal'. But most things aren't - they are what they are and you either like them or you don't.
> 
> My MIL is like this and it's horrible for my FIL. Have you tried telling her what you think of her verbal diarrhea?


Yes i have. The storm that follows is nothing short of a Tsunami.



EleGirl said:


> Can you give us a bit more info so that we understand your situation more?
> 
> How old are the two of you?
> 
> ...


In our 40s. Married for a year. We were together for 2 years before marriage.



_anonymous_ said:


> It seems like she has awareness of communication being tilted in her favor. It's deliberate on her part, and her expectation is that you listen and not talk, for the rest of your relationship... which could be a very very long time. I'm guessing you're not OK with this.
> 
> If you're not married, no problem. Just leave her if she's so self-absorbed to think that her words are the only ones worth hearing. From your post, it seems like she's just talking incessantly without even asking your opinion or anything. That's a monologue, not an exchange. That isn't a healthy communication pattern.
> 
> You're lucky that your woman isn't testing your understanding of what she says. My wife does this, and it can make her long conversations all the more tortuous (she's super snarky if she thinks I'm not listening). I imagine over time, your woman will want you to confirm some details of her monologue by the time you return from your shower. It's that day, where you'll be in trouble. Watch out!


I hear you. Im understanding somehow this is a normal occurrence in relationships.



Herschel said:


> Record the conversations and play them back to her.


Funny you say that. I have recorded some, just haven't played it back to her because i know it will make zero difference. She wont be affected by it the least bit.



urf said:


> "I Wanna Talk About Me"
> 
> ...


Haha im looking this up.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife seldom talks to me. After we had been married about 20 years I asked if she happened to have a reason for not talking to me. She looked at me like I was crazy. 

After a while, out of the silence, she said, "You're always supposed to read my mind!" The silence drug on. Then several minutes later she said, "Everything I ever wanted to say to you I said before we got married."

I guess I like it like that. I certainly love my wife.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Is your wife quite a bit younger than you? She sounds like she's about 16, with an attitude! This isn't normal, and I think if I were you, I'd try talking to her about it.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I don't know how you put up with this for three years. Get out while you can. If she's causing you this much frustration it just not worth trying to make this relationship work. She won't let it. You've tried telling her that you need to talk sometime to but she won't listen.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So how can you stand being around her??


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

"B'Bye" can be snuck in, by you, between her breaths.

Doesn't take long to say, or act on...


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Wow, that's not normal at all. Was she always this disrespectful and if so, why did you marry her? It's not too late to stand up for yourself and stop tolerating that behavior. You can communicate a lot without words by doing things as simple as extracting yourself from the situation (i.e. walking away) when she acts that way.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Well, there is the fact that some people complain if a woman does not talk during sex. Perhaps she makes up for her overzealous talking in some way not mentioned.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mike2.0 said:


> In our 40s. Married for a year. We were together for 2 years before marriage.


Did she talk like this before you married her? Did she refuse to listen to you before you were married?

Or is this something new since after marriage.

Her behavior is not ok. But you have allowed it. Now, if you do not want it to continue you will need to make a stink about it. So what if her response is a tsunami? I'm sure you will survive it. Fear of standing up for yourself is what has let to his problem to start with.

Have you considered telling her that she has to go to marriage counseling with you to deal with this?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> So how can you stand being around her??


Earphones work for me.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Please don't wait until poor John has waited and no darn earphones!

Just let the walking diarrhea go and fill some other poor soul's ear full of her ****. 

Set yourself free of the one sided talk ****. All pun intended because she is full of herself for sure!


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