# confused and unsure



## Jenn8 (Nov 18, 2017)

My husband and Ihave bee married 16 years and have a 14 year old daughter. I have arthritis and collect disability. He has never been able to hold a job for more than 7 years. He went to school for 6 years so he could get a better job. Last year he worked at a hospital. He got fired after 7 months because a woman reported that he touched her inappropriately. He found another job in 6 months. after being at new place for 3 months, he got fired again. He says for arguin with the doctor. The rumors that came back to me was for inappropriately touching a patient. He would not go to his job to see his records and see what it says. he flat out refused to go with me. 4 and 7 years into our marriage he cheated on me. yes twice. when he lost this lasst job i snapped and told him to get out. all my friends are like dont put up with that you know what he did. And Im sitting here tonight going....i need someone to care for me as my disability gets worse and i do NOT want my duaghter to do it. There is no love left that i feel. we dont have sex, there is no conversation about anything except my daughter. He snaps (loud yelling) alot and if I ask him to do something its been reecently met with a scoff (like omg why are you a pain). I just dont think any man my age (44) will help with my disability or love me. Im no angel, im very cranky whenmy arthritis acts up, but I try to keep house, and run my daughter everywhere (he wont dont know why). Am I confused and unsure because its all new? Am I right in making him leave so I dont have to support all 3 of us on such a small amount of money? Should I ask him to come back as a roommate because thats basically what we were for 8 months? Its only been a day. Ive cried all day. He told his sister he doesnt want to live without me but it is what it is. Didnt even say he was sorry or I love you....nothing when he lost his job. im SO confused. help?


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Fellow TAMer @Slartibartfast has offered fantastic advice, and I think you should follow it. This man is holding you and and your daughter back, because he's a wreck and he's pulling the two of you down with him. You will be better off without him, and I think HE is a big part of your depression. (Yes, I think you're depressed, from your post.)

And please know, disability doesn't disqualify you from being loved. You are just as worthy of love as any able-bodied person. Love is about who you ARE, and you are NOT your disability. Quit with the stinkin' thinkin'! The right man will love you for who you are.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with the other posts. You would be better off without him.

I had an aunt who had MS. She could hardly walk. In her 40's she married a man who had Parkinson's so bad that he was in a wheel chair. He had to have his eye lids taped open every day. They met at a support group for disabled people.

Those two loved each other and took care of each other. My grandparents had set up two rooms and a bathroom as a suite for them in my grandparent's home. They had a small kitchen ... cook top, sink, etc. Cooked their own meals. I used to love just sitting in their rooms with them talking, watching TV, etc. because their love just filled the room. Besides their disability incomes, they ran a small business making wedding and other types of invitation, cards, etc. 

Do not ever hang on to something that hurts you out of fear. If you close this door, others will open and you will have a chance to chose something much better for yourself and your child.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

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