# Husband upset about this



## FightClubX (Mar 17, 2013)

Hi. This is my first post. My H and I were sorting thru our sex toys a while back deciding what needs to be replaced and such. He picked up one and said I bet you cant use this without me. A large heavy one that also gives me mind blowing Os. I winked and said its been done. He stopped grinning and asked how many times had I used it by myself and did I have mulitple Os. He was very defensive. He thought I was only multi with him. We've been married 12 years with 3 kids. I've been masturbating since I was 12 and able to have multiple Os long before I met him. I thought he knew that already. Now he's very ahem pouty about the whole thing. Very hurt. I need to know if this is normal behavior for a guy? I dont use any toy more often than we have sex so I dont understand his reaction. He seems to be starting a reevaluation of our entire life together-which should be about more than sex. Any insight is greatly appreciated.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

He was fishing for a compliment and you pulled out your feminist card. Now he thinks do you even need a man? I've said it many times on here sometimes honesty isn't the best policy.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You just basically told him he is no better than the toys.

Before , while he may have known you masterbated in his head it was a less pleasurable act than being with him. Something you did out of desperation when he wasn't available.

Now he's realizing that sex with him is no longer the premium experience and its just another sex experience.

This isn't just silly pride on his part. He used to think he was your best sex partner, including solo times. You just informed him that the toys can match him, maybe even better him.

So yeah, he's upset.


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## Jessica373 (Mar 15, 2013)

FightClubX said:


> Hi. This is my first post. My H and I were sorting thru our sex toys a while back deciding what needs to be replaced and such. He picked up one and said I bet you cant use this without me. A large heavy one that also gives me mind blowing Os. I winked and said its been done. He stopped grinning and asked how many times had I used it by myself and did I have mulitple Os. He was very defensive. He thought I was only multi with him. We've been married 12 years with 3 kids. I've been masturbating since I was 12 and able to have multiple Os long before I met him. I thought he knew that already. Now he's very ahem pouty about the whole thing. Very hurt. I need to know if this is normal behavior for a guy? I dont use any toy more often than we have sex so I dont understand his reaction. He seems to be starting a reevaluation of our entire life together-which should be about more than sex. Any insight is greatly appreciated.



My husband reacted the same way when he found out I was masturbating, especially with a toy. He implied that i 'shouldn't have to' masturbate. I guess because I'm in a relationship so I don't need anything else and if I do then there must be a problem? 

Even if I was having sex often I would still masturbate. I have a high drive. Maybe your guy is intimidated? Insecure? You weren't trying to hide anything, masturbation is natural and it doesn't mean you aren't satisfied otherwise. Maybe he doesnt think the same way though. Communication is key, I hope you both can sit down and talk about it!


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Jesus....

Really?

You're his wife, why in the world wouldn't he want you having mind blowing orgasms anyway you could get them (outside of infidelity obviously). My husband is game for anything that gives me sexual pleasure with him or alone, toys, porn, books etc. If I told him something gave me crazy wonderful orgasms, he'd be trying to stock up on it.

He needs to get over himself, yesterday, because he's sounding like a frightened teenage boy right now.

If you aren't turning him down in favor of a toy, and both of you are into the experience when you have sex, then the fact that you greatly enjoy yourself when you masturbate should be irrelevant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FightClubX (Mar 17, 2013)

This is a toy that he uses on me before sex. So its not that I used it without him-its that I enjoyed this particular toy without him? I didnt say that it was better than him. Dear Lord I'd never do that. We have discussions about sex all the time. I'm pretty sure I've told him I'm multi with masturbating early on. Heck-We even have sessions where we watch each other masturbate then have sex. I dont understand why this is bothering him now.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I'm a guy, thats the toy I'd replace with a brand new model if it was the one that blew my wifes mind.

It's just insecurity, adjust how you handle his ego and be more careful about how you talk about things that might bruise it.

You did nothing wrong, this is on him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ladies,

For once and forever, please stop the double standard where you call a guy insecure about having problems when his wife is having mind blowing sex with toys alone.

Why is this him being insecure, when he is essentially being told he is another tool that is useful in getting her off, but no better.

Yet, it's acceptable for wives to complain that their husbands using porn in exactly the same way is wrong and degrading to her, and hurtful to her feelings.

Right now AnnieAsh's husband is a porn user. It's bothering her, and everyone on her thread is saying how he needs to stop etc,

No one person is calling her insecure or telling her to get over it.




On the masterbation question. I think the SO should always have right of first refusal before you take care of things yourself.


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## FightClubX (Mar 17, 2013)

I have a very HD. He knows this. Has always known this. He used to tell me "I'm not a machine woman". LOL He's never had an issue with me masturbating before which is why I'm here. The other toys he wasnt upset over. Just the one that gives me the best orgasms toywise. I dont complain when he talks about masturbating with sleeves-I'm glad he enjoyed himself! I like to watch.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

If he takes her having a wonderful, personal "self love" experience as him being no better than a toy then he is insecure.

How much she enjoyes herself when she masturbates has absolutely nothing to do with him. Nothing. Personalizing everyon'e actions as a personal assault against yourself is a huge sign of insecurity, and a chronic victim mentality.

"Oh, how could she have enjoyable masturbatory time, that's so harmful to me, I must be awful/terrible/sucky because she enjoys herself when she masturbates, waaah waaah"

She's not turning him down for sex, laying their like a dead fish, dreaming about when she can go to her wonderful vibrator.

She's just enjoying the experience when she masturbates, as she should.



Shaggy said:


> Ladies,
> 
> For once and forever, please stop the double standard where you call a guy insecure about having problems when his wife is having mind blowing sex with toys alone.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

aribabe said:


> If he takes her having a wonderful, personal "self love" experience as him being no better than a toy then he is insecure.
> 
> How much she enjoyes herself when she masturbates has absolutely nothing to do with him. Nothing. Personalizing everyon'e actions as a personal assault against yourself is a huge sign of insecurity, and a chronic victim mentality.
> 
> ...


Then go over to Annie's thread an explain to her that her husbands constant porn use isn't an issue she has a right to be upset about. He still has sex with her.

Recently she gave him a bj and then later was hurt when she found in his browser history that he'd been viewing porn just before that.

It's currently on the path to end their marriage. Yet no one would dare call her insecure.

It's a double standard for sure.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

There is no comparison between any tool and a real live man.....NONE! Tell your husband that nothing comes close to satisfying you the way making love with him does. Even if you are having multiple o's it s just not the same experience when you are having them with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

I don't know what thread you're reffering to honestly.
But it doesn't sound relevant to this one at all.



Shaggy said:


> Then go over to Annie's thread an explain to her that her husbands constant porn use isn't an issue she has a right to be upset about. He still has sex with her.
> 
> Recently she gave him a bj and then later was hurt when she found in his browser history that he'd been viewing porn just before that.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FightClubX (Mar 17, 2013)

I've never told him that any toy is better than him. Ever. He was perfectly fine with it until recently. 
I dont see him as just another tool. 
I do, however, not feel emotional intimacy with him during sex since I overheard a conversation between he and my MIL. She was telling him that if a man lays his wife correctly he can walk over her for the rest of his life. Mmm and that if a wife is getting orgasms during sex then anything her H wants to do is above reproach. That includes cheating, financial irresponsibility, shirking parental duties, etc. He agreed with her. But thats another thread....


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

I wasn't suggesting you ever said or felt he was a "tool" just that he may have felt you didn't really need him because you could satisfy yourself just as well on your own and that is why he is upset about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I don't know what thread you're reffering to honestly.
> But it doesn't sound relevant to this one at all.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But there is a double standard that tends to show up amongst the threads. If a woman is exploring her own sexuality by using toys and looking at porn, she's applauded and the husband is supposed to suck it up and deal with it or come across as an insecure Philistine. If it's a man that is looking at porn and using toys to get himself off, and the wife doesn't like it, she is consoled and told that her husband has a problem and it objectifying women, treating her as just another object for his enjoyment, or is "broken" because he views porn.

I'm not taking any sides in this as to whether wives and husbands should use porn and/or toys - it's a personal decision between the two of them - but there is a double standard for men and women within TAM when it comes to discussing porn and sex toys. I'm not saying everyone does this, but it does come across as such.

Just my 2 cents.


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## Gruff (Feb 27, 2012)

I hardly think being honest about your masturbation habits has anything to do with 'the feminist card'.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Yes, I see the same double standard BUT I'm usually pointing out that the womans problem with her husbands porn is her insecurity as well.

Then i'm run out of the thread.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

H is unrealistic and naive and the wife despite being rather insensitive schooled him on reality which bites.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Mr Used To Know said:


> H is unrealistic and naive and the wife despite being rather insensitive schooled him on reality which bites.


No necessarily true. The way I understand it, the husband now has the perception that he is no different than his wife's favorite sex toy. However, I don't recall if the wife confirms this or if she still enjoys sex more with her husband than with the toy. 

Your assumption is baseless at this point in time until we get more info from FightClubX.

In reality, it's not the use of sex toys that is the issue, it's how the conversation went down. Without actually being there, we don't know if the wife was too callous in the exchange or if the husband was too sensitive. 

But my take on the double standard still stands.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Then go over to Annie's thread an explain to her that her husbands constant porn use isn't an issue she has a right to be upset about. He still has sex with her.
> 
> Recently she gave him a bj and then later was hurt when she found in his browser history that he'd been viewing porn just before that.
> 
> ...


Yes. Same thing. Moderation is the key. We probably would have just used that toy right then and there.

Never been a problem for my marriage but I could see that it could be.

This is especially so if she starts only being responsive to the toys. Yes this can happen. The clitoris can desensitize to where it takes strong direct vibrations to attain an orgasm. Also, it is NOT a wives tail that if your hubby is average in size that you could train yourself to respond to the fullness of that nine inch extra girth model if used too often. Same as porn. We program ourselves. Occasional use can add spice of course.

Yet again we want to call a man insecure. Sigh. Why would a man feel less secure when his wife touts the multiple orgasms she has with something that is twice as large as her hubby. LOL. No harm but if she stops at anytime having mindblowing multiple orgasms with her husband watch out.

If using the toys detracts from the couples sexual realtionship then it is a problem. Same as porn. 

Consider that to have sex a man has to have a hard erection. A woman can use some lubircant and have sex. So why do we keep hitting men with being insecure? Seems counter productive and hateful to me. But that is just me.

We can say porn objectifies women. But a large realistic phallus does not? LOL.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

When the husband masturbates, does he make sure not too grip his penis too tight lest the wife come to the conclusion that her vagina isn't tight enough?

Does he make sure not to use "too much" lubricant, lest his wife be devastated that she doesn't get wet enough for him?

Is he sure to only cum a little when he masturbates as to not offend her? 

If he uses a fleshlight to masturbate does he make sure it's the same looseness/tightness of his wife's vagina lest she come to the conclusion that her vagina is just a masturbatory tool for him?


I highly doubt he does any of those things.
And why in the world would he?
His masturbation habits have nothing to do with her.

And her masturbation has nothing to do with him.

It's good that she enjoys it, she should.
Why in the heck would she do it if she didn't lol.

The male ego pandering gets old.
Now she's not even allowed to admits that she enjoys herself when she masturbates?


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I scolded my wife about using a toy once...I was asleep and she tried to get it out of the drawer without waking me up....I said SHAME ON YOU...Next time throw a cherry bomb into the bedroom if you can't wake me up.....It won't hurt my feelings a bit....I am even readier, and don't require batteries.......:smthumbup:

I'm sure your man will get over his pout...After all, A toy is just that, a plaything, while a loving partner is like a whole toy store with built in love, and romance...Like the old song...... 
"Aint nothing like te real thing baby"


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

aribabe said:


> The male ego pandering gets old.
> Now she's not even allowed to admits that she enjoys herself when she masturbates?


The pandering to egos works both ways in any relationship.

Not crazy about it myself but it is what it is.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

aribabe said:


> When the husband masturbates, does he make sure not too grip his penis too tight lest the wife come to the conclusion that her vagina isn't tight enough?
> 
> Does he make sure not to use "too much" lubricant, lest his wife be devastated that she doesn't get wet enough for him?
> 
> ...


I think a fleshlight, a blowup doll and a cherry 2000 are all their own levels. 

Again lets attack the male ego. There is something wrong with men.

Persoanlly again I would have no problem with this. I am only pointing another view. That these things can cause issues. I am not attacking any woman for using a vibrator. But I am suggesting that these things can become an issue in the same way that porn can become an issue.

The more a owman has sex the more she typically wants it so masturbate away. LOL. But be thoughtful about it. All this needs to be looked at in context with other marital issues.

A lot of these threads like what do men think about someone looking at their wife or this are all whatup with how men feel threads. They end up with men are insecure and men's fragile egos and so on.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Woodchuck said:


> I scolded my wife about using a toy once...I was asleep and she tried to get it out of the drawer without waking me up....I said SHAME ON YOU...Next time throw a cherry bomb into the bedroom if you can't wake me up.....It won't hurt my feelings a bit....I am even readier, and don't require batteries.......:smthumbup:
> 
> I'm sure your man will get over his pout...After all, A toy is just that, a plaything, while a loving partner is like a whole toy store with built in love, and romance...Like the old song......
> "Aint nothing like te real thing baby"


I would have helped her out and got some good old fashion pounding in. Ooops did I say that?

I do not have a problem with toys as long as they do not become a problem. I have never had a problem with my wife masturbating or using a toy when I am not around.

There is a trend to these threads this week.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I think a fleshlight, a blowup doll and a cherry 2000 are all their own levels.
> 
> Again lets attack the male ego. There is something wrong with men.
> 
> ...


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## vspinkgrl (Dec 4, 2012)

My husband acted the same way at one point. Even going as far as checking placement on my toy to see if it had been used. Once he even cut the cord to one of my toys.
I found that he gets a little intimidated, so I try to include him lots more. But no, its not wrong. I, too have owned a vibrator long before marriage. Nobody has to answer to anyone on how often they masturbate alone unless its hindering their sex life with their spouse.
I discussed the stupidity in what he was doing and got to the bottom of it. 
But you should probably have kept that tidbit to yourself, men live blissfully with a big ego, no matter how false it is. Vibrators and things like that can usually get a woman off faster and more intensely than man can usually but to be fair he doesn't run on batteries and you do know you better than he does.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Jesus....
> 
> Really?
> 
> ...


I understand but he probably feels a little emasculated by it. He sounds like a frightened teenage boy? This may be the first time it has dawned on him that he isn't all that important for the O. Give him a break. It may be hard to swallow for the first time.

He deserves some credit because I bet there are tons of guys out there young and old who would be intimidated by having toys involved at all, even if they are there ... especially when it comes to the idea of "size". I remember the first time I had a girlfriend pull out the gigantic dildo ... ridiculously large ... I thought ... "what the heck do you need me for? I can't compete with that! A porn star couldn't compete with that." Yeah, it was intimidating and emasculating. I never thought of myself as "inadequate" but I found myself looking at me ... and then looking at that ... definitely an erection buster. One time she wanted to do double penetration and told me to do the back door because I was smaller than the dildo. First time I ever had anyone refer to my penis that way ... she could have chosen her words more carefully, lol. I got it figured out and that stuff doesn't bother me but it sure as heck did the first time.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I understand but he probably feels a little emasculated by it. He sounds like a frightened teenage boy? This may be the first time it has dawned on him that he isn't all that important for the O. Give him a break. It may be hard to swallow for the first time.


Should she feel de-feminized because he *gasp* masturbates and orgasms without her sometimes. The horror of it! 

She's clearly not important for him to O, clearly. Might as well just pack up and go home, it's over. 



> He deserves some credit because I bet there are tons of guys out there young and old who would be intimidated by having toys involved at all, even if they are there ... especially when it comes to the idea of "size". I remember the first time I had a girlfriend pull out the gigantic dildo ... I thought ... "what the heck do you need me for? I can't compete with that! A porn star couldn't compete with that." Yeah, it was intimidating and emasculating. I got it figured out and that stuff doesn't bother me but it sure as heck did the first time.


So when you masturbate, you grip as loose as possible right, and do it dry, so your wife's feelings don't get hurt?
If not, then what kind of awful husband are you. Masturbating and doing it so it feels good. Shame on you mister :nono:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

No be thoughtful of your spouse. I know I am being radical here. Be thoughtful of your spouse. Love them. They have been put into our keeping. They are a gift and we should be thankful for them. And they us.
If we cannot love them then let them go so they can be loved by someone who appreciates them.

This is not a religious statement but a pragmatic perspective.

My comment is not aimed at men or women per se. And no this does not mean we should not work out issues.

I will leave this thread with this thought. I just have no value add beyond what I have said earlier.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

aribabe said:


> Should she feel de-feminized because he *gasp* masturbates and orgasms without her sometimes. The horror of it!
> 
> She's clearly not important for him to O, clearly. Might as well just pack up and go home, it's over.
> 
> ...


No, I didn't say it was logical. I just said he probably had a hard time processing that for the first time. Your response to that feeling would be ... grow up? I'm saying that is a little harsh.

So what if she didn't know he masturbates and she walks in on him for the first time. Would the appropriate response be ... hey, deal with it, you're not 12 anymore.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> No, I didn't say it was logical. I just said he probably had a hard time processing that for the first time. Your response to that feeling would be ... grow up? I'm saying that is a little harsh.


I can't think of a response that would more appropriate.
Maybe get over it....?
Should she coddle him into her bosom and promise that she won't enjoy herself when she masturbates? 
Or should he just act like an adult, and get over it?



> So what if she didn't know he masturbates and she walks in on him for the first time. Would the appropriate response be ... hey, deal with it, you're not 12 anymore


If she walked in on him masturbating and she didn't know he did it, i'd hope she'd join in. Suck his d*ck or give him a literal hand. Not pout because he can orgasm without her.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

The only thing you should tell a man is "you have the biggest and the best babe". That's it. 

If your sex life is satisfying, don't mess it up by even hinting that other men or toys gave you an orgasm. It is difficult to know what the most innocent revelation will have on a man. 

Stick to the simple statement above and you will never go wrong. :smthumbup:


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> The only thing you should tell a man is "you have the biggest and the best babe". That's it.
> 
> *Well.... there you have it. *
> 
> ...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I can't think of a response that would more appropriate.
> Maybe get over it....?
> Should she coddle him into her bosom and promise that she won't enjoy herself when she masturbates?
> Or should he just act like an adult, and get over it?
> ...


Are you not reading this thread at all? Because you are doing an excellent job building a great straw man to burn in effigy... Let me untwist your logic so that you can understand this more clearly. This thread is about the husband feeling hurt and vulnerable about his wife suggesting (but still not verified by the OP btw) that her sex toy is as good if not better than her husband at giving her sexual pleasure. This has nothing to do with whether a woman should have the right to enjoy herself when masturbating. Why make such misleading statements? Is it because you WANT to make men look like awful people because they do not want their wives to have the same liberties as they have when it comes to porn and toys? Please...engage your brain and talk about this rationally please.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

aribabe said:


> I can't think of a response that would more appropriate.
> Maybe get over it....?
> Should she coddle him into her bosom and promise that she won't enjoy herself when she masturbates?
> Or should he just act like an adult, and get over it?
> ...


lol, no, I'm not saying making false promises. I'm just saying don't add insult to injury and let him process it. Talk about it, don't back off but let him know your perspective. He doesn't need to be coddled but I'm sure insulting him in the process isn't very helpful.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> The only thing you should tell a man is "you have the biggest and the best babe". That's it.
> 
> If your sex life is satisfying, don't mess it up by even hinting that other men or toys gave you an orgasm. It is difficult to know what the most innocent revelation will have on a man.
> 
> Stick to the simple statement above and you will never go wrong. :smthumbup:


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## FightClubX (Mar 17, 2013)

Wow. 
My husband knew before we ever married that I'm multi in various ways and that I masturbate. He apparently forgot that in his hurt. I grinned at him because he likes to hear about my private sessions. Before I could even do that he became defensive. 
We talked some more today. He also forgot that while yes that particular toy gave me MB Os I also cant have it in for very long. Its so large that after just a few minutes I start to go numb from the stretching. After a couple of Os I'm done with it. Yes-it is bigger than him and it is the biggest toy we own. My DH is well endowed but still thinks he's small. I tell him FREQUENTLY that I thank God he's the size he is. He bottoms out all the time and has very very nice girth. Cha-ching! He is NOW of the opinion that if I'm going to have any large orgasms with a toy-he wants to be present. I understand that. I also have the feeling that when that toy needs replaced it'll be with something else. Perhaps a Sybian. He seems to feel much better now so hopefully this is water under the bridge.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Entropy3000 said:


> No be thoughtful of your spouse. I know I am being radical here. Be thoughtful of your spouse. Love them. They have been put into our keeping. They are a gift and we should be thankful for them. And they us.jI
> If we cannot love them then let them go so they can be loved by someone who appreciates them.
> 
> This is not a religious statement but a pragmatic perspective.
> ...


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

Lol, damn this vagina of mine... always gets me talking irrationally 

Let's try to understand this, like a man, shall we? 



> the husband is feeling hurt and vulnerable about his wife suggesting (but still not verified by the OP btw) that her sex toy is as good if not better than her husband at giving her sexual pleasure.


His wife admitted that she can have wonderful orgasms with her toys, that she greatly enjoys herself when she masturbates, that it feels fantastic to her.

And his response was to whine, and pout about it?
And become the victim to her masturbatory satisfaction.

I wonder how hurt and vulnerable she feels when he's tightly gripping his penis and making sure it's well lubed. And he's even orgasming, possibly more than once 
Madness i tell you.

He's suggesting that his hand/ his sex toys are as good if not better than she is at giving him sexual pleasure.

How dare he do that to her! 



Plan 9 from OS said:


> Are you not reading this thread at all? Because you are doing an excellent job building a great straw man to burn in effigy... Let me untwist your logic so that you can understand this more clearly. This thread is about the husband feeling hurt and vulnerable about his wife suggesting (but still not verified by the OP btw) that her sex toy is as good if not better than her husband at giving her sexual pleasure. This has nothing to do with whether a woman should have the right to enjoy herself when masturbating. Why make such misleading statements? Is it because you WANT to make men look like awful people because they do not want their wives to have the same liberties as they have when it comes to porn and toys? Please...engage your brain and talk about this rationally please.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Okay, I feel like a little kid raising my hand timidly in the back of a class of high-schoolers.

But masturbation and toys is really something I don't get. 

Okay sex is suppose to be the highest form of bonding with your spouse. Without it couples can sometimes become disconnected from each other. It reaches it's climax with an orgasm. So -- and really I am not being sarcastic at all when I ask this question -- how have you bonded with your spouse by using a toy or your fingers. And if the spouse is not even there, then what is the purpose of it? Just to feel good? 

And I'm really embarassed to admit this but once not too long ago when my H was traveling for work, I had a dream and in the dream had an orgasm and it woke me up. It was the saddest, lonliest feeling I have ever experience to wake up like that and my H was not there. I guess what I am trying to say is am I the only one -- I guess so -- that an orgasm is nothing without my H inside of me? It is meaningless to me. I guess it's just me though that feel that way. I'm not trying to put anyone -- I actually feel like an oddball here. 

So can anyone tell me -- what is the pleasure of an orgasm without someone to share it with? I want to ask my H if he masturbates but I'm afraid of the answer. He has said his promiscuity as a teen and young adult was because he didn't like masturbating. But I don't know if he has done it since we have been married (for almost 8 years). 

I understand if you are single and maybe just want some form of pleasure. But if you are married -- why do you want it to be something other than your spouse to give you an orgasm? 

Please don't beat me up, just asking trying to understand it.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> For once and forever, please stop the double standard where you call a guy insecure about having problems when his wife is having mind blowing sex with toys alone.
> 
> Why is this him being insecure, when he is essentially being told he is another tool that is useful in getting her off, but no better.


Double standards are never a good thing, but I think it's probably because women are continually being told that they're insecure, jealous, controlling etc etc... if they object to their husbands watching porn...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

The MIL thing is a bigger problem than a toy. This is what you should concentrate on not his reaction to a toy. I think he has a problem. He talks to his mother about something that is private between a husband and wife?

And you are worried about his reaction to a toy. You are too nice you need to read no more mr nice guy. You husband does not repect or appreciate you. You self respect should kick in here. He does not deserve your concern. He needs a kick in the azz. 

He is disloyal and inappropriate. He allowed his mother to disrespect his wife. You are the one who is his companion and provides for his sexual needs and he agrees with his mother disrepect of you? Why are you worried about a man who does not respect you? 

You feel less intimacy with him. Did you discuss this with him? Perhaps he thinks that the orgasms he gives you are a downpayment for treating you like sh!t. So of course he does not want his numbers cut by a toy. That is your problem. 

Discuss what you overheard and the effect that it is having on you. Let him know that you are equally upset over his breach of trust and disrespect for his wife. 

Why does he feel that sex between you two was open for discussion with his mother??. Something is wrong there. 

MIL should keep her nose out of it. She has shown disrespect towards you. She needs to repect bounderies. 

Tell your husband that it is not toys that is responsible for the hit to his manhood, it is having discussions about his sex life with his mother. Disgusting!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Plan 9 from OS said:


>


You see too many straw men. Is every post by a woman that makes sense somehow irrelevant? 

Watch it or you'll surround yourself with so many strawmen that you'll start a raging fire and get a 1st degree burn or worse. 

Outch. 

:FIREdevil:


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

FightClubX said:


> I've never told him that any toy is better than him. Ever. He was perfectly fine with it until recently.
> I dont see him as just another tool.
> *I do, however, not feel emotional intimacy with him during sex since I overheard a conversation between he and my MIL. She was telling him that if a man lays his wife correctly he can walk over her for the rest of his life. Mmm and that if a wife is getting orgasms during sex then anything her H wants to do is above reproach. That includes cheating, financial irresponsibility, shirking parental duties, etc. He agreed with her.* But thats another thread....


He agreed with her? Seriously?

Yeah, THAT is a lot bigger problem than any toy you might own.

Anyone who thinks that way is majorly f*cked UP.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

norajane said:


> He agreed with her? Seriously?
> 
> Yeah, THAT is a lot bigger problem than any toy you might own.
> 
> Anyone who thinks that way is majorly f*cked UP.


It is screwed up.

Why in the heck was that a discussion in the first place? Weird.

Second, was he agreeing with her or placating her? My MIL says some ridiculous things some times. I've gotten in enough arguments with her to know it's pointless to waste my energy


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