# You Probably Have Herpes...



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OK, not my saying, but per the article linked below:



> A recent report from the World Health Organisation (WHO), published in PLOS ONE, has estimated two-thirds of people under 50 have the highly infectious herpes virus.
> 
> More precisely, 3.7 billion people under the age of 50 are thought to carry the herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1). The virus, which is usually caught in childhood, causes cold sores around the mouth, although many people exhibit no symptoms.
> 
> ...


You Probably Have Herpes | IFLScience

What made me think of TAM, I think maybe it was the Regret/Shame thread in the LL, but several people mentioned that a growing trend among teens is having oral or anal sex as a way to stay "pure". This would seem to tie in with the spread of Herpes. Also, I would assume that the explosion in the online dating app scene (Tinder, FarmersOnly, etc...) where casual hookups are more commonplace is also in part responsible for the increase in this and other STDs.

My kids are all young enough that I don't have to worry about the sex talk yet, but it seems like these days you really need to go beyond the typical "birds & bees" talk, really go more in depth about the different types of sex and associated risks. 

For those who do have older kids, what has your approach been when it comes to talking about sex? Do you also find that social media is having a greater influence on your kids when it comes to sex?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I hate the cavalier attitude many have about "it's just cold sores." Many people get infected as children because parents or other adults think it is no big deal. 

_, but several people mentioned that a growing trend among teens is having oral or anal sex as a way to stay "pure". _

I reject that premise. I think that was FAR more prevalent when I was a teen than it is today. Much of the concept of "saving" oneself is religious based. When you throw the religious hangup on virginity out the window, there is little difference between oral and PIV. They're both sex.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> I hate the cavalier attitude many have about "it's just cold sores." Many people get infected as children because parents or other adults think it is no big deal.
> 
> _, but several people mentioned that a growing trend among teens is having oral or anal sex as a way to stay "pure". _
> 
> I reject that premise. I think that was FAR more prevalent when I was a teen than it is today. Much of the concept of "saving" oneself is religious based. When you throw the religious hangup on virginity out the window, there is little difference between oral and PIV. They're both sex.


One reason for this, and it is a real phenomenon, has nothing to do with remaining pure. It has to do with the risk of pregnancy being zero with oral.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

The human body contains thousands of viral infections. We are born with some of them. 

There is no human on earth that is "pure."

The thing is, which ones can you live with and manage, and which ones can't you?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

However of the "innocent infections" HPV is killing off people with, mouth, tongue, penile anal and etc cancers, being quietly deadly.

What Farrah Fawcett can teach us about anal cancer - Chicago Tribune

Deaths due to HPV

Tamat


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I had shingles when I was 20.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I am loath to subject myself to the hysteria of modern medicine and big Pharma. The fact is that not too long ago nobody might have known what you died from or only the main issue might have been reported. Whenever I see things like there has been a 78% increase in ... in the past so many years I always have to wonder how they knew what the base line was that many years ago. It seems that once some pharm company develops a cure for something, that something somehow becomes the next scourge to be eradicated. For instance Gardisal and HPV based cancers.
Here is some sorry news that big Pharma and modern medicine can't change - we are all going to die of something at sometime. All the studies in the world can't change that. Most of the pills they push now might stop one thing from happening but they often create a whole plethora of unintended side effects that are sometimes as bad or worse than what they prevent.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I made my boys understand that sex was serious business and not a playground or a toy.

I promoted abstinence until marriage but emphasized that sex was for adults.

If you aren't paying your own rent and bills you have no business having sex.

It isn't my job to pay for their fvcking around.

I told them that everyone having sex wanted babies.

If they were not ready to be parents then don't have sex. I have lost count of how many women have had "surprise" pregnancies while on some form of birth control.

It really isn't a surprise at all. If you're fvcking, pregnancy certainly can result. That is how everyone you know got here after all.

My oldest didn't listen but my youngest did.

If I had to hazard a guess, my youngest has had about 3 partners, maybe 2.

My oldest went crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I'm about to get super personal here because this is a huge hot button and personal issue for me.

I am 42 years old. I have two teenage children and one divorce under my belt. I was married for 14 years, and reconciled with my ex husband one time (failed, last year).

I grew up in a very religious (Christian) home. I am a Bible believing Christian. I never went to public/secular school in my life, including college. My family was in church every time the doors were open. My parents even participated in a church planting. I accepted Christ into my heart at age 5. I was a VERY good girl all through high school (never drank/smoked/had sex) and even mostly in college. (I drank, but never smoked and still never had "sex.")

I was very committed to saving myself for marriage, and technically (??) I did. I did not have have intercourse until my wedding night at age 23. It was what I was taught was right. I wanted to do it. 

Rewind a bit.....My senior year of college I dated a guy, an amazing guy, and I still think so to this day. We had a really great relationship. He's now married with two kids, and very happy, and we're friends on Facebook. I have nothing but great thoughts and opinions of him. Even though he gave me herpes. Before he got married he found me through classmates dot com and sent me a message to apologize for how he handled "everything" with us (basically he didn't understand why I was so devastated), but I had forgiven him long before that. We broke up because of distance after graduation, not because of that.

He was a person (and still is, I assume) who got cold sores. As a good Christian girl saving myself for marriage but still possessing a sex drive, we had oral sex. That's how I got it. Because of my conservative upbringing and NO sex education, I had NO clue you could get an STD that way and also still considered myself a virgin even with oral sex. I had never ever been to a GYN when I went for that visit when I was diagnosed in August after I graduated from college. My GYN was so crass and unsympathetic about it.....I was traumatized. I was still a "virgin!" How could this have happened? She had no sympathy whatsoever. She made me feel like a *****. 

While I was still recovering from this trauma, dealing with the resulting anorexia and suicidal thoughts (and going to counseling for it), I met my ex husband. He was the first person I dated after that and when I told him my ugly secret he accepted me! I think for those who know about my story with him, it might make sense why I stayed with someone like him. My self esteem was (and still is, frankly, but for other reasons in addition to that) in the toilet. I had unprotected sex with him for 14 years of marriage (and then again when we reconciled last year) and he never had a symptom, although I'm quite sure he'd test positive. I had two healthy pregnancies and planned vaginal deliveries (which both ended in c sections for other reasons). It is an annoyance from time to time (when I go through very stressful/angry times I get a minor flare up), but otherwise, it's just something that happened to me and does not affect my life. I don't take any medication for it.

I have an identical twin who has always gotten cold sores (I never did). She also gets something like shingles on her face in times of stress or excess sun exposure. She has told me she thinks I have it easier since "mine" is not "seen." I have to agree. And, I've never asked her, but it's very likely she has or could infect her husband with the same thing. She was a virgin (I think) when she married, and if she infected her husband it certainly would not be because she was a ***** any more than I was when it happened to me. 

Final note, it also happened to my cousin the same way (committed relationship, oral sex). MORE education is necessary for our kids. I know I will personally be educating my children about how this can happen. Especially because they go to Christian school and are getting no sex education.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Very powerful post STR.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> I made my boys understand that sex was serious business and not a playground or a toy.
> 
> I promoted abstinence until marriage but emphasized that sex was for adults.
> 
> ...


I tend to think along those lines... particularly the dude getting to take a dip should cough over the $$$$$...

But then there is the pragmatic view. If you have a daughter using condoms and wanting to get a depo-provera shot, the much lower failure rate of the depo-provera seems like a good idea. So on the health savings card the shot goes. Yeah, I'm paying for it, but that's better than the alternative.



ConanHub said:


> I told them that everyone having sex wanted babies.
> 
> If they were not ready to be parents then don't have sex. I have lost count of how many women have had "surprise" pregnancies while on some form of birth control.
> 
> It really isn't a surprise at all. If you're fvcking, pregnancy certainly can result. That is how everyone you know got here after all.


It's great in theory. But the human race is propagated by a hell of a powerful drive. I failed at resisting temptation. A heck of a lot of others do too.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Great post STR, thanks for sharing!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Thinking back on it, I don't even recall if my parents ever had a talk about sex with me except maybe for a quick birds and bees talk. Funny enough, my sophomore year of college my dad drove me to campus for the start of the year. My GF at time (eventually my wife) had just moved in to campus as well (we both moved in a few days earlier than everyone else). We were hanging around in my dorm room making out on my bed (went the whole summer without barely seeing each other so we had some "catching" up to do) and my Dad walked in. He acted like he didn't see anything but then later that day he called me after he got home to "check in". You could tell he wanted to have a sex talk with me but didn't really know what to say.


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

Hats off to you STR. It took courage to make that post.


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## Florida_rosbif (Oct 18, 2015)

Well you all know the difference between love and herpes?



Yep, herpes lasts forever!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> I tend to think along those lines... particularly the dude getting to take a dip should cough over the $$$$$...
> 
> But then there is the pragmatic view. If you have a daughter using condoms and wanting to get a depo-provera shot, the much lower failure rate of the depo-provera seems like a good idea. So on the health savings card the shot goes. Yeah, I'm paying for it, but that's better than the alternative.
> 
> ...


No argument about the last part. I was just telling them how it was and how it was going to go when they started having sex.

I wanted them fully informed and prepared to take responsibility for their actions. I'm not a grandpa yet so my hardcore stance was taken seriously.

I let them know they would be working at 15 if they got a girl pregnant.

I think that is one of the biggest problems in our society. Paying for kids to have sex. I'm for education, not funding, of sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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