# other woman pregnant please help decide what to do



## Raine (Jul 9, 2013)

I feel like I am going crazy. My head tells me to do one thing, my heart another. I would welcome any advice. 

My husband had an affair and the other woman got pregnant. She was working closely with him as his accountant, and they started a relationship. We were on a four month seperation when this happened but I was devastated when I found out he was sleeping with another woman. He saw how distraught I was and told me he was going to end it with her. We were planning to get back together in March this year. At the end of February he came to break the news to me that the other woman was pregnant. I went completely crazy. Screaming and crying that it can't be true. He left to go on a business trip two hours later. He was away for two weeks. I was a complete mess.

When he gogt back he told me that he didn't love the other woman, and that he loved me. He said he would work it out. He would make a plan. The other woman does not know about me. This is his 'plan'. He plans to 'stay single" until the baby is born so that he doesnt' have to tell the other woman about me. He says he has to stay friends' with her and go to all her doctors appointments, go shopping with her for baby things etc so that she feels okay. I asked him to tell her about me, to tell her he loved me, and that I was going to be involved in the baby's life, and he said no. He says he wants to be with me, and he loves me more than anything on this planet, but I need to wait. He dissappers on weekends, or after work, switches off his phone so I can't reach him, and takes her out. He assures me they are just friends. I am going crazy. We did not move back in together as planned because of the new 'circumstances'. We see one another every day, he stays over with me most nights, we are sleeping together, and he tells me he loves me. I thought he cared completely about me and I was willing to accept the baby as my own. I am not feeling very cared about at the moment at all. Yesterday I went to see him at work and he was wearing a t-shirt stating "DADDY TO BE" in big bold letters. This is all so hurtful. We do not have any children. We were together for 29 years. We decided on a seperation period because he decided he needed to party a whole lot more than I was comfortable with, so he moved out for what was to be a few months of living apart. I love him very much. I don't know how to live without him. I spend most of my time in tears with my heart breaking. Please tell me to do. I cannot work it out on my own.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

All you need to do is get honest with yourself about how DISHONEST this guy is! He'll lie to make things easy on himself. Do you really to know anything more to understand that he is bad news?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

There are few good answers here, but before I attempt one, I have a question. What was the understanding of this separation? This doesn't make sense to me that you expected him to leave you for a short time, and "party a whole lot more" and then come back? Most people, when they are separated, they are in fact, *separate*, and feel free to see other people as they wish.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

This is what I see from what I have read... 

Your husband is probably still sleeping with her, so he his sleeping with both of you. She has no idea that he has a wife and wants to "remain single" until the baby is born.. I would have told him to F off already.


"So that she feels ok" WTF You are his wife! He is having his cake and eating it too..


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Raine said:


> I feel like I am going crazy. My head tells me to do one thing, my heart another. I would welcome any advice.
> 
> My husband had an affair and the other woman got pregnant. She was working closely with him as his accountant, and they started a relationship. We were on a four month seperation when this happened but I was devastated when I found out he was sleeping with another woman.
> 
> ...


*You don't deserve this, you can live without him, why live like this! 
Start by exposing his affair! Tell the OW, tell his family, his co-workers! 

Stick around, we can help. You are worth more than how he's treating you.*


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Raine said*: The other woman does not know about me. This is his 'plan'. He plans to 'stay single" until the baby is born so that he doesnt' have to tell the other woman about me. He says he has to stay friends' with her and go to all her doctors appointments, go shopping with her for baby things etc so that she feels okay. I asked him to tell her about me, to tell her he loved me, and that I was going to be involved in the baby's life, and he said no. He says he wants to be with me, and he loves me more than anything on this planet, but I need to wait. He dissappers on weekends, or after work, switches off his phone so I can't reach him, and takes her out. He assures me they are just friends. I am going crazy. We did not move back in together as planned because of the new 'circumstances'. We see one another every day, he stays over with me most nights, we are sleeping together, and he tells me he loves me.


Stop sleeping with him immediately , this is the most gravest of betrayals... he appears to have no remorse even....

Your husband is , or has become a manipulative LIAR... he has no integrity at all... His actions, his handling of this has proven his intentions FOR this other woman... 

29 yrs together!! ... Mablenc asked a good question, how could others not know he *is* married...and his wearing this "Daddy to be" shirt at work....-knocking up his accountant [email protected]#$%^& The rumors have to be flying like Fireworks at his Job place. 

How old are you both....and how old is SHE?

I would not trust a word that came forth from his mouth....How in the world she even bought the idea he was NOT married.... Naah.... I wouldn't believe that one for a second .


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*

Divorce him. He is pretending you don't exist. He is disrespectful. He made his choice. Go dark on him.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*

The OW should find out about you. Expose your husband for what he really is. Then sit back and watch the show.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*

He is a cake eater. He is lying to both of you. How sad after 29 years, he treats you this way.

If you were separated, why not just divorce him. Tell the OW about you and your husband as she should know what kind of man and father this guy is. Do this all yesterday.

Sorry for your pain.


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## Tiberius (Mar 22, 2012)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*

Wow, I got really angry reading how he lies to you and manipulates you.

Please understand, he asked for a separation because he was in an affair. Now he is sitting on the fence and he is cake eating while he is making you crazy with the bull...t he gives you about her and their relationship.

You do not deserve to be treated like this, drop the bomb on her. Call her and tell her that you are his wife. If he was lying about being single and this mattered to her, she will drop him and he will 'fall of the fence'. 

Then it is up to you if you want him back and on what terms, but do not forget, he will always be connected with her through their child-can you live with this?

If she does not get rid of him, he will drop you and you will know that he wants her and not you. You can not live in limbo.
Move on.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

HOnestly, DIVORCE HIM! He is lying.... you cannot let him have his cake and eat it too... seems he may want the baby since you have no children... seems to me there is an underlying issue there for you as well.... i would leave him.... screw that. That is just me.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

Raine, I sympathize, how awful... here are my thoughts but they are just an opinion...

By your post it is really hard to tell if she is the other woman or you are the other woman at this point. Just by the way he is carrying on with the both of you.

I would suggest, DONT let him have his cake and eat it to. If you give him all he wants now there is NO REASON for him to tell the other woman about you. Right now your allowing him to have the best of both worlds while you silently suffer. You can still love him and set up a healthy boundary for yourself. 

I think you should end your romantic relationship with this guy or at the very least put it on hold until he can make a decision on what he wants, her or you.

Also view the infidelity area here on TAM.

His plan, after reading it, seems only self serving allowing him to continue to have the two of you. Is he leading both of you on? How will you ever know if he really is just friends with the other woman, he may be telling her the same things he is telling you. 

If he loves you and wants to be with you, then he needs to be in it 100%. He is going to have to eventually tell the ow about you anyway, why not now? the ow is going to be ticked off either way... This doesn't make any sense... You have a right to say in this since you are the wife. Stand up for what you want..

my best wishes to you, keep us posted...


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Torani makes a great point, seems like both of you are treated the same slimey way, I wouldn't be surprised if more women are involved. Why does he pretend to be single? That's a red flag right there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

WOW!

So let me see if I have this straight. As far as the OW is concerned, he is single. There is no "you". He wants to keep it that way. He attends to her needs as if he were a single man, and "sneaks" (behind HER back) to see his Wife. So, the OW is carrying the child of a man who she believes is single and faithful and all the time he is married and wants to (or pretends) to want to leave her after the baby is born and get back with his Wife. Is that about right?

OP, he is "buying" your silence so you don't rock the boat. My advise would be to rock that boat. Reveal yourself to the OW a.s.a.p. Expose the Affair. Do NOT continue to play his game. Allow the OW to decide whether she wants to stay with this married cheater who has lied to her as well. Do not continue to protect your H from the consequences of his actions.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You have been together 29 years and no one at his work knows he is married.. BUT they all know he is going to the father of a baby with his coworker?

He seems to be pretty selective on what he tells people.

Advice- recognize his lies for what they are, 100% selfish lies.

He is still having the affair and is still dating her and sleeping with her. He's proudly crowing about it at work.

I think he's playing you until he is able to both hide away money from you, and until the kid is born an has a claim against him financially.

My advice - file for D immediately and expose his affair to everyone for what it is.

And btw, if he loved you he would have skipped the two week business trip. If he had the flu would he have gone on it?


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## 4sakenallothers (Feb 28, 2012)

Sorry your here under these circumstances. I think you have been given great advice, I would defintely expose him and file for divorce. 29 years is a long time so I know it wont be an easy transition but this situation is toxic.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I'm so sorry about all of this mess but you really need professional help & I say that respectfully & because you are asking for advice.

You say you want to raise this baby as "your own." ummm, no this is not your baby to raise. If there really is a baby, the OW needs to be told that the Father is a married man. It is very selfish not to tell her the entire truth. Please do not be afraid of "ending" your marriage by exposing.

Right now you don't have a "real" marriage. Is the OW married?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Divorce him. NOW. What an ass.


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Without a doubt I would say leave him. You have now become the other woman. There is no reason for him to be playing house with her while trying to work things out with you.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*

He is playing you till he can get his finances hidden....She is an accountant, she is helping him....He is probably pretending she dosn't know, but make sure .....

Email her a copy of your marriage license....Follow it up with any wedding pictures, copies of life ins. policies, etc.....and tell her to ask him to explain.....Expose, expose, expose......And file for divorce immediately......

the woodchuck


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*

Yea the likelyhood of his accountant not knowing he is married is exactly 0. I am willing to be she handles tax prep and GUESS she would have to know marriage status. Even if he filed married filing separately. So if he's been lying on his taxes he gets to go to jail. You need to stop eating his line of bull. He is taking advantage of your emotional instability and is using you. You need to take a breath and start realizing your husband is perpetrating an exit affair. He thinks that he can manipulate you to lie down and take it. You need to expose to his HR department what is going on. He could simply hide his assets by lowering his income and raising hers. You need to fight and make sure he doesn't get away with this scott free.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*

Call up his accountant and tell her all about you. Then, if he does not wake up, file for divorce.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*

You will get the same advice in this section as you are in the other one. DIVORCE THIS MAN. Stop playing the fool and stand up for yourself.


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## nazzan (Aug 20, 2012)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*

How can he say he loves you so much but be with another woman and pretend that you don't exist?
What an awful thing to do to you. 
I am sorry to have to say this but you would be best to get rid of him, expose him if you want to (I would). No one deserves to be treated like this!!!!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*



Raine said:


> We do not have any children. We were together for 29 years. We decided on a seperation period because he decided he needed to party a whole lot more than I was comfortable with, so he moved out for what was to be a few months of living apart. I love him very much. *I don't know how to live without him.* I spend most of my time in tears with my heart breaking. Please tell me to do. I cannot work it out on my own.


Learn to do this.
Lawyer up, prepare the fall out, then stop the charade, lay the law for him to keep you and call the OW and tell her everything.
Let the chips fall where they may.


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## Shoshannah (Aug 29, 2012)

Cake-eating on steroids.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

*Re: other woman pregnant - please help*

You are already on your own. You just have not realized it.


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## blackdiamonds (Jun 26, 2013)

He says he loves you and wants to be with you, blah, blah, blah. Yet he still wants do all the baby stuff with OW to support his unborn illegitimate child?! Yeah, it's high time to start filing papers for D and pronto.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Wow! His plan is to be a lying, dirty yellow dog? 

That separation you had? Make it permanent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Ok,

Let's look at what you actually know, (other than your husband is a piece of sh1t).

1) you know he has chosen to be without you to "party"
2) That he lies and is cheating on you in someway
3) he doesn't love you

Do you really know he is having an affair with his accountant? Do you know her name? And even if you do know there is such a woman, do you know that she is pregnant? 

This may all be incredible manipulation on your husband's part. If you do know of the supposed accountant, you should make contact immediately. Even if you have to find out her name by call around at his workplace. She may choose a different path if she know he is married and she is pregnant. She may choose to put the baby up for adoption.

No matter wwhat the truth is of his fooling around. GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP! he doesn't love you.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You need to grow your spine now.

The separation happened because he was already in an affair with her. Now that he sees how upset you are, he thinks he can play on your emotions so that he can have his cake and eat it too.

This is really an egregious case. Divorce him ASAP.


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