# How should I communicate



## elmo (Jun 21, 2010)

O.K. My wife has left me and filed divorce. This is ripping my heart out. I love and adore her and my family. We have had a rough patch for two years. She has grown emotionally distant to not even caring if she is around me. We have not had intimacy for 15 months. She began having female medical issues in 09 and had a total hysterectomy with no hormone replacement. Now I have tried to get close to her but she states she has no libido and she can't stand to be touched. Just days before she left, I found sexual messages back in forth from a childhood friend of her families who is also going through divorce and he recently came to visit us. I saw no signs of innappropriate conduct between the two of them while he was here. She hid this from me when I asked and got defensive and said it was all a joke. I called him and questioned him and he stated they use to carry on like this years ago and even her sisters and I had nothing to worry about. He lives out of stated. Now am confused because for months she has said she has no libido, is terrified at the thought of physical intimacy. Yet she tells me she dont love me and files for divorce, moves her and our kids to her parents where they all sleep in one bed. I do not want this divorce, I love her and don't want our family split. She was always thrifty with money and 5 years ago, I handed our finances over to her. Now that she has left, I have found that we are behind on all of our bills and have been for 6 months. She is only 32 having the hysterectomy and I am 40. Am affraid to communicate with her concerning winning her back and concerning the kids. I miss them. How should I communicate with her? I tried talking, I even asked about councelling but she is not responsive. Why would a woman I pledged my heart want to split her family and throw away what we have. Has anyone gone through this and can give me advice on how I can break through to her?


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Sorry you are going thru this. Everyone's case here is quite different. But we all seem to agree on one thing. Heal yourself, work on you so that you have enough strength to work on your marriage. Right now she doesn't seem to act rationally so it wont matter what you say to her now. Give her some time while you seek help for you.


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