# Marriage sucks



## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

Why anyone would ever want to be shackled to someone for the rest of their life is beyond me.

The institution sucks. The rules suck. The ideals and beliefs about it suck. The beliefs about those who don't marry suck. I hate it. I wish I never got married. I dont know if I could ever handle marriage again. Marriage in the middle east ESPECIALLY sucks. Has anyone seen that 'Cancel Marriage' TED Talk on youtube? I agree wholeheartedly with it! 

People should not have to be with one person forever so they don't feel lonely or to have a companion, binded by legal and cultural traps. 

People need to stop feeling insecure about themselves and stop attributing their self worth and value to their spouses. It makes me sick. 

Okay I'm done ranting now. Sorry for sounding offensive, I realize many people like marriage and it works for them. Im just mad at my own. 

Blehhhhhhhhdbsuendidbwuabv


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> The institution sucks. The rules suck. The ideals and beliefs about it suck.
> 
> ... I realize many people like marriage and it works for them. Im just mad at my own.


Uh, no, the "institution" does not "suck" for everyone. Rules? Life is full of rules, for marriage and just about every other thing. Hey, the rules at my job suck. So what? I need money, so I work. If I don't like the rules, I can quit and live in the streets.

As far as the "ideals and beliefs" of marriage being suck-worthy, to each his own. I certainly don't ascribe to your philosophy.

JMO. 

Consider doing something more constructive rather than b!tching about marriage - yours in particular.

Get a divorce. Be single. Be happy.


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## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

Life is too short to not be happy.

Only you know what's best for you so I would suggest think hard and think of all the consequences that will occur with your decision and then go for it 

Once you do decide ...... no regrets !! Good luck with your decision !


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## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

I think humans are hard wired to have a mate. Why it is so damn hard to get along with one is beyond me. Its a conundrum of our existence.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

*Re: Re: Marriage sucks*



Prodigal said:


> Uh, no, the "institution" does not "suck" for everyone. Rules? Life is full of rules, for marriage and just about every other thing. Hey, the rules at my job suck. So what? I need money, so I work. If I don't like the rules, I can quit and live in the streets.
> 
> As far as the "ideals and beliefs" of marriage being suck-worthy, to each his own. I certainly don't ascribe to your philosophy.
> 
> ...


I was just venting... I am trying to save up to leave.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> I was just venting... I am trying to save up to leave.


Good for you! Sometimes leaving is best!


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Marriage isnt for everyone. You deserve to be happy. Leave!


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## Me'N'My'Girl (Jan 10, 2010)

Yes marriage is hard and it does require too much work. However, it is really special to share your life with someone who really cares about you. You grow old together and you share precious memories. 

But I agree, it is not for everyone.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Word.


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## ThirtyYearsIn (Sep 20, 2014)

It's working pretty good for me so far but we have only been together for 30 years. I saw something the other day that stuck with me: 'Opposites attract before marriage, after marriage opposites attack'.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> Why anyone would ever want to be shackled to someone for the rest of their life is beyond me.
> 
> The institution sucks. The rules suck. The ideals and beliefs about it suck. The beliefs about those who don't marry suck. I hate it. I wish I never got married. I dont know if I could ever handle marriage again. Marriage in the middle east ESPECIALLY sucks. Has anyone seen that 'Cancel Marriage' TED Talk on youtube? I agree wholeheartedly with it!
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> Okay I'm done ranting now. Sorry for sounding offensive, I realize many people like marriage and it works for them. Im just mad at my own.


Most people who are on this site are in bad relationships, so I'd think many would be prone to agree with you, I know I do.

Why people leave one bad marriage just to get married to someone else is beyond me.

Some learn from their mistakes, others just keep on repeating them and wonder why they never seem to get out of the whole they've dug for themselves.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

The only rules are determined between you and your mate. If you are now in a free society, make your life. You can't point your finger at an institution if you can make choices. Each marriage is somewhat unique anyway.

I have read your previous posts and it sounds like YOU made a bad choice for a mate. I and others have not been as unwise or hasty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> I was just venting... I am trying to save up to leave.


How much do you need to save to leave? If you have a full-time job, maybe you should just get out.

I can understand a vent, but if your marriage is so bad you think the entire institution sucks, then do yourself a favor and walk.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> Why anyone would ever want to be shackled to someone for the rest of their life is beyond me.
> 
> The institution sucks. The rules suck. The ideals and beliefs about it suck. The beliefs about those who don't marry suck. I hate it. I wish I never got married. I dont know if I could ever handle marriage again. Marriage in the middle east ESPECIALLY sucks. Has anyone seen that 'Cancel Marriage' TED Talk on youtube? I agree wholeheartedly with it!
> 
> ...


People do? Sounds like you do. Neither my value nor my self worth comes from my husband. That's on you. I am not trapped by law or culture. 



> Okay I'm done ranting now. Sorry for sounding offensive, I realize many people like marriage and it works for them. Im just mad at my own.
> 
> Blehhhhhhhhdbsuendidbwuabv


Sorry to hear it is not working. I would advise make it work or get out.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

*Re: Re: Marriage sucks*



ConanHub said:


> The only rules are determined between you and your mate. If you are now in a free society, make your life. You can't point your finger at an institution if you can make choices. Each marriage is somewhat unique anyway.
> 
> I have read your previous posts and it sounds like YOU made a bad choice for a mate. I and others have not been as unwise or hasty.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can't argue with that


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Feel for you. Do you have kids? If so, I can understand some hesitation.

In the same boat - married to someone that I can't stand to be around a lot of the time. She also doesn't think much of my family (to be fair I have no use for her sister). However, with two small kids, I want to make sure I'm around them when I can as she's very immature and don't want them exposed to too much of that. Also have a lot of common friends and don't want to lose those relationships. 

It's easy to tell someone to leave - in practice it's much more difficult.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Feel for you. Do you have kids? If so, I can understand some hesitation.
> 
> In the same boat - married to someone that I can't stand to be around a lot of the time. She also doesn't think much of my family (to be fair I have no use for her sister). However, with two small kids, I want to make sure I'm around them when I can as she's very immature and don't want them exposed to too much of that. Also have a lot of common friends and don't want to lose those relationships.
> 
> It's easy to tell someone to leave - in practice it's much more difficult.


No I don't have any kids. Just stuck financially. Plus it's hard to admit, but I'm terrified. I'm really really really scared. With my history of panic attacks, anxiety and depression, I guess I don't have enough faith in myself. I'm always worrying I'm making the wrong decision, whether staying or going. So while I save up, I'm working on myself.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Take your time and get the help you need. Don't be ashamed to get help.

I think you realize that there is a lot of life out there to live. I hope you don't waste too much time finding out.

Your H is probably not a bad guy but a bad match for you.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

*Re: Re: Marriage sucks*



Prodigal said:


> How much do you need to save to leave? If you have a full-time job, maybe you should just get out.
> 
> I can understand a vent, but if your marriage is so bad you think the entire institution sucks, then do yourself a favor and walk.


A lot. Enough to move back to America and start over. Or 'start' since I haven't yet anyway. I don't have a job cuz im still in college because I had panic disorder which made me flunk a lot. Im better now and trying to catch up.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

A healthy, fulfilling marriage requires two healthy people working on it.

You have a lot of disadvantages at this time in your life, but you can make it through and become strong and live a happy life. Good luck on your journey.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> A lot. Enough to move back to America and start over. Or 'start' since I haven't yet anyway. I don't have a job cuz im still in college because I had panic disorder which made me flunk a lot. Im better now and trying to catch up.


Okay, here's my take on what you are saying. You are remaining in victim mode. I'm sorry if that comes across as mean-spirited; I do not mean it that way.

Take it from a PROFESSIONAL former victim. Things happened to me. Life slapped me in the face. Me? I was the hapless victim of abusive men, crummy jobs, lack of opportunities to get ahead ... blah, blah, blah.

I have suffered from anxiety/panic attacks since I can remember. I distinctly remember one I had when I was only four years old.

Get a job. Quit school. Put it on hold for the time being. Start earning money and develop good credit.

Your circumstances are not holding you back. You are holding you back. 

Unfortunately, I operated in that mode most of my life. Take it from me, it's time for you to quit making excuses and realize you are playing the victim.

Me? When I stopped blaming choices, circumstances, and the alignment of the planets on my problems, I got off my butt and took control of my life.

MY life. MY choices.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

Its great if you are with the right person but horrible if you are with the wrong person. Can't judge all marriages by one.


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Do what you need to do. As long as you are honest with yourself and honest with others, you will find your answers and be happy. 

There is nothing wrong with having values outside of the norm as long as you are honest.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

*Re: Re: Marriage sucks*



Prodigal said:


> Okay, here's my take on what you are saying. You are remaining in victim mode. I'm sorry if that comes across as mean-spirited; I do not mean it that way.
> 
> Take it from a PROFESSIONAL former victim. Things happened to me. Life slapped me in the face. Me? I was the hapless victim of abusive men, crummy jobs, lack of opportunities to get ahead ... blah, blah, blah.
> 
> ...


I appreciate your honesty.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Take your time and get the help you need. Don't be ashamed to get help.
> 
> I think you realize that there is a lot of life out there to live. I hope you don't waste too much time finding out.
> 
> Your H is probably not a bad guy but a bad match for you.


Thanks . I'm not ashamed, no...I think there is some courage in vulnerability. And no, he's not a bad guy at all. Aside from our problems, he has always been and will always be in my heart. He's a sweetheart by nature.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

*Re: Re: Marriage sucks*



badsanta said:


> For what it is worth, I think marriage means different things to different people. For me it someone to raise a family with and to have on my team to make it through life's struggles. While happiness and fun are important, your ability to argue and solve problems together is probably more important as life in general is going to be messy.
> 
> One of the more meaningful moments I experienced being married was when I almost died and was in the hospital for a month. I can't really explain it, but when your life hangs by a thread and you have someone else in this world that basically feels to you like they are the other half of yourself that can persevere and make very serious decisions on your behalf is pretty amazing. It was also a transcending experience to be in an extraordinary amount of pain (with morphine in my IV), as the surgeons could not close me up and everything had to heal completely open, there was only one person who could bring me a sense of peace being by my side and that was my wife.
> 
> I made a full recovery, but just wanted to share that for those that think the idea of marriage is all about hugs, kisses and being tied down forever after. It is way more than that, and marriage can actually be most important when you find yourself in one of life's ugliest moments.


Wow that is a very touching and powerful perspective on marriage. I admit there is something endearing and sacred about having someone take care of you like that in your most dire times. I love the idea of marriage in that sense. 

I definitely believe it means different things to different people. To me it seems a lot of marriages act as a continuation of the status quo, without question and worse - a habit of putting band aids on gaping wounds. 

People with my perspective could really use some positive and healthy marriage examples to balance things out. 

I think what hurts me personally is that I'm in a marriage where there is no team when it comes to my struggles.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> Why anyone would ever want to be shackled to someone for the rest of their life is beyond me?


Because for every shackled moment there may be a moment of profound connection. That is hope.

I really enjoy Chump Lady's diatribe on "hopium". To hope for the actions of another is to place faith in their character. Perhaps you notice the benefits of marriage are profoundly rooted in the character of the partners involved. Do we ask a scorpion not to sting, or an eagle not to soar? 

My question is then: Would you think about marriage differently if your partner were an eagle instead of a scorpion? Kindest Regards-


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BadSanta.... Love that perspective! My wife and I have the hugs and kisses and romance but you brought to memory just how powerful our marriage is.

I have been near death twice and in extremely bad shape many times in our 23 years.

Mrs. Conan has been like a Valkyrie to me. Standing between me and that S.O.B. reaper. Having compassion and love in her eyes for me and a steely cold rage for the death that wanted to close her cold hand around my heart.

I might be a silly romantic but that is my wife. That is part of the power of Mrs. Conan to me.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Me'N'My'Girl said:


> Yes marriage is hard and it does require too much work. However, it is really special to share your life with someone who really cares about you. You grow old together and you share precious memories.
> 
> But I agree, it is not for everyone.


True, it's not for everyone, and I think the rules of expression change with each generation. I suppose one of my mistakes was seeing great marriages in my parents and grandparents and thinking the same things applied to my generation. That was a mistake.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

Oh I'm enjoying the evolution of this thread so much!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

southbound said:


> True, it's not for everyone, and I think the rules of expression change with each generation. I suppose one of my mistakes was seeing great marriages in my parents and grandparents and thinking the same things applied to my generation. That was a mistake.


The best things are timeless.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Badsanta- One of the best descriptions of a marriage I have ever read. Glad that you fully recovered and had your wife's love and determination helping you- very beautiful.
If you dont mind too much I will use part of what you wrote as my signature- it really moved me


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> Why anyone would ever want to be shackled to someone for the rest of their life is beyond me.
> 
> The institution sucks. The rules suck. The ideals and beliefs about it suck. The beliefs about those who don't marry suck. I hate it. I wish I never got married. I dont know if I could ever handle marriage again. Marriage in the middle east ESPECIALLY sucks. Has anyone seen that 'Cancel Marriage' TED Talk on youtube? I agree wholeheartedly with it!
> 
> ...


It does suck...BIG TIME! It's a sexual trap. And if you are a good person, a loyal and responsible person in a marriage where the sex is bad or nonexistent your sexual future is lonely to say the least. 

Marriages should be renewable by law every 5 years. If one person does not want to renew there should be no consequences. You split everything down the middle and living with the children is also shared. People should NOT lose all their money and the right to live under the same roof as their kids just because they decide they don't want to be married anymore.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> No I don't have any kids. Just stuck financially. Plus it's hard to admit, but I'm terrified. I'm really really really scared. With my history of panic attacks, anxiety and depression, I guess I don't have enough faith in myself. I'm always worrying I'm making the wrong decision, whether staying or going. So while I save up, I'm working on myself.





Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> A lot. Enough to move back to America and start over. Or 'start' since I haven't yet anyway. I don't have a job cuz im still in college because I had panic disorder which made me flunk a lot. Im better now and trying to catch up.


I was going to ask whether you'd considered that your personal issues are contributing significantly to the problems in your marriage. And then I read this:



Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> I think what hurts me personally is that I'm in a marriage where there is no team when it comes to my struggles.


So your issues ARE a contributing factor to your problems. Maybe if you had a handle on them, your marriage would be a lot better. Husbands are not psychiatric professionals and shouldn't be required to be. Husbands don't get married to be caregivers their entire lives. Husbands also can get awfully tired of having to deal with constant struggles they really can't do anything about. I don't think it's fair to expect a spouse to be a therapist, nor to constantly have to be focused on their spouse's issues.

You also might find it a lot easier to be married if you didn't have those issues. All I'm saying is this stuff will likely follow you into every relationship you have, whether it's your H or someone else, because the issues lie within you.



> And no, he's not a bad guy at all. Aside from our problems, he has always been and will always be in my heart. He's a sweetheart by nature.


Maybe don't make any decisions about divorce until you actually do get your issues under control. I don't know your history, but you might be giving up a good man because of something that is out of his control. 

Bad marriage are usually not the fault of just one person in the marriage. 

Good luck to you.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

*Re: Re: Marriage sucks*



norajane said:


> I was going to ask whether you'd considered that your personal issues are contributing significantly to the problems in your marriage. And then I read this:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yes I am staying to see how things will go when I have some of my issues resolved completely. However, the panic disorder and depression occured mostly before we got married by a couple of years.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I bucked the system for most of my life. The 'system' says we need to get married or there's something 'odd' about us. So I was odd. didn't get married till late in life. I was the ODD man out!
But I was happy, so; so what?!

So the pressure the system (I think BTW that term is an old counter culture term from the 60's; "yah the SYSTEM, man!" shows my age) puts undue pressure on us to get married when a lot of us really shouldn't, aren't ready, or just played a bad hand.

A lot of it is luck, or 'unluck', meaning we get married thinking we've met our soulmate, but people change especially after marriage/commitment. Then our mates change and we think WTF!!????

We just played a bad hand, met meant well, but.........

Others get married not really for exactly the right reasons, but they got dealt a good hand (besides working hard at it), and thirty years later...........still working.

A lot of it unfortunately is just the luck of the draw.

I think I got a good hand this time. But its' only been about two years. I'll check back with you all twenty years from now.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

should add; not saying that picking the right partner and dating/discerning before getting married isn't upping the odds considerably in making the marriage succeed long term, but as tons of threads on this forum testify, we can do all that and in the end a lot of it is just luck in finding that right 'one'.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

You may not have the husband you want, but he may very well be the one that you need to grow into the person you need to be and visa versa.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I spit out my drink when I saw the title of this thread! Lol. I agree!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> A healthy, fulfilling marriage requires two healthy people working on it.


Like anything else. It takes work. Sorry marriage is not working out for you.


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

Marriage sucks when it's not working, but the best thing ever when it is.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Well I can’t say that marriage truly sucks…I mean it works for half the folks out there.

Speaking from personal experience, I SHOULD be agreeing with you wholeheartedly and waving a banner that says “Preach it!!!”
But I’m not.

I can only speak from my experience, but for the most part I was happy with the marriage. 
The change that crept into it was too subtle for me to notice, but every day she would glue a grain of sand to me.
Days became weeks.
Weeks became years.

Then when she left me the glue she used didn’t work anymore…and I dropped all of her accumulated projections and anxieties.
Wow…suddenly that marriage wasn’t as great I had thought it was, as I had been carrying around about 50 pounds of her problems. 

It was both bewildering and freeing at the same time as I struggled to figure out how something I valued so much was keeping me down so heavily.
It would be quite a while before I figured out that it this accumulation that was preventing me from fully participating…and her cluelessness about her daily deposits.
The sudden absence of pressure when she left caused me to seriously question the viability of the marriage.

But it wasn’t the marriage, it was her.
Over the course of the next several months I watched her rewrite nearly all our history and make me question who she was. 
Suddenly I was being vilified for things that seemingly had little or nothing to do with me.
Eventually I would watch her trash it outright as she externalized the blame on the marriage in an attempt to get away from her own problems.
It was a real shame.

You are in a position to do some work on yourself and you seem like you could do it.
I would encourage you to do this before you decide to trash your marriage.

Sometimes just a minor change cant set great things in motion.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

I thought my marriage was "okay" when I was in it...till the last few years, where the veil was lifted and there was no doubt about it, my marriage was really bad.

Once divorced, I was so happy to be free from my ex and our marriage, and I was quite content with the "FWB" relationship which developed between me and a woman I met through work, I was finally able to enjoy life. Things were finally good in my life, so I just assumed I would never ruin it and get married again.

4.5 years later, my "rebound girl" and I still have the relationship I always wanted but could never have imagined. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I hope it lasts the rest of our lives. No BS, it's amazing, and I love my life with her.

Honestly, I COULD see myself getting married again one day. If things are still great for another few years, I'm going to seriously consider marrying this woman...I love her, I love us together, and I can finally say I love myself, which I could never say in my old life. I think marriage in our 40's would be very special; a toast to how great things have been with a side of confidence in our future together. It feels mature and romantic.

I agree with those who say that a good marriage is awesome and a bad marriage is a nightmare. I'll go a step further and say that anything in-between just isn't worth it to me. I've been married before, so "things are okay" is not something I would sign away the rest of my life for. 

If anything, I really wish they would change the laws to prevent people from getting legally married before the age of 25 years old. I don't think you really know yourself until your 30's, and everyone I know who got married before they were 30 has divorced at least once. Then again, I also think it's foolish to wait till you are married for sex, and I think that all high-school girls should be provided free birth-control and taught how to use it, but that's just me.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

People make a marriage, so it can suck or be the best thing in your life. I do happen to think that traditional marriage is deeply flawed for modern times, but if you consciously construct your own marriage, it becomes what you want. If both of you take that approach AND truly try to make each other happy, it is a wonderful thing.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> People make a marriage, so it can suck or be the best thing in your life. I do happen to think that traditional marriage is deeply flawed for modern times, but if you consciously construct your own marriage, it becomes what you want. If both of you take that approach AND truly try to make each other happy, it is a wonderful thing.


:iagree: I really like this.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> I was just venting... I am trying to save up to leave.


You've only been married 2.5 years. Saving up for what?

Any kids? If no, then just get yourself an apartment, get a DIY divorce and leave.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

*Re: Re: Marriage sucks*



vellocet said:


> You've only been married 2.5 years. Saving up for what?
> 
> Any kids? If no, then just get yourself an apartment, get a DIY divorce and leave.


Not that easy in Egypt at the moment...


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> Why anyone would ever want to be shackled to someone for the rest of their life is beyond me.
> 
> The institution sucks. The rules suck. The ideals and beliefs about it suck. The beliefs about those who don't marry suck. I hate it. I wish I never got married. I dont know if I could ever handle marriage again. Marriage in the middle east ESPECIALLY sucks. Has anyone seen that 'Cancel Marriage' TED Talk on youtube? I agree wholeheartedly with it!
> 
> ...


I made a bad choice in getting married. She is a nice lady, but not that into me or a commited relationship. Fair enough, I am poorer and she is a bit richer and we move on. 

All in all, I am in favour of it as an option - as it is an option.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> People should not have to be with one person forever so they don't feel lonely or to have a companion, binded by legal and cultural traps.


They don't have to. It's called not getting married or getting a divorce.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Hello_Im_Maddie said:


> Not that easy in Egypt at the moment...


Why not?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

badsanta said:


> For what it is worth, I think marriage means different things to different people. For me it someone to raise a family with and to have on my team to make it through life's struggles. While happiness and fun are important, your ability to argue and solve problems together is probably more important as life in general is going to be messy.
> 
> One of the more meaningful moments I experienced being married was when I almost died and was in the hospital for a month. I can't really explain it, but when your life hangs by a thread and you have someone else in this world that basically feels to you like they are the other half of yourself that can persevere and make very serious decisions on your behalf is pretty amazing. It was also a transcending experience to be in an extraordinary amount of pain (with morphine in my IV), as the surgeons could not close me up and everything had to heal completely open, there was only one person who could bring me a sense of peace being by my side and that was my wife.
> 
> I made a full recovery, but just wanted to share that for those that think the idea of marriage is all about hugs, kisses and being tied down forever after. It is way more than that, and marriage can actually be most important when you find yourself in one of life's ugliest moments.


Same here. Almost died after a sudden heart attack when I was 44 years old (6 years ago). Actually, I did die. They had to shock me back to life when I went into V-fib. Our oldest daughter 21 is mentally handicapped and will never be able to take care of herself. Those two issues alone made me realize how nice it is to have someone who cares for you and you can count on when life punches you in the face.
Marriage CAN be a great benefit.

A good marriage is kind of like having a good body. Diet and exercise suck, however, if you want a good body you need to diet and exercise. No pain, no gain.


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## Kresaera (Nov 8, 2014)

Growing up I always knew I would have the perfect marriage. White picket fence, 2 kids and a dog. Well, I got a couple of them right, we have 2 kids and a dog. My husband has had 4 emotional affairs, and I've had one PA (which was in reaction to the emotional roller coaster I was on because of his affairs). I go back and forth nearly every single day as to if I want to stay or not. It's a lot of hard work, but I try to remember back to the man I married 9 years ago, where did he go?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Kresaera said:


> I've had one PA (which was in reaction to the emotional roller coaster I was on because of his affairs).


You're excusing your behavior.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

badsanta said:


> For what it is worth, I think marriage means different things to different people. For me it someone to raise a family with and to have on my team to make it through life's struggles. While happiness and fun are important, your ability to argue and solve problems together is probably more important as life in general is going to be messy.
> 
> One of the more meaningful moments I experienced being married was when I almost died and was in the hospital for a month. I can't really explain it, but when your life hangs by a thread and you have someone else in this world that basically feels to you like they are the other half of yourself that can persevere and make very serious decisions on your behalf is pretty amazing. It was also a transcending experience to be in an extraordinary amount of pain (with morphine in my IV), as the surgeons could not close me up and everything had to heal completely open, there was only one person who could bring me a sense of peace being by my side and that was my wife.
> 
> I made a full recovery, but just wanted to share that for those that think the idea of marriage is all about hugs, kisses and being tied down forever after. It is way more than that, and marriage can actually be most important when you find yourself in one of life's ugliest moments.


I am glad you had someone to stick by you when you were unable to help them. It is a very beautiful thing, you are a very luck man with a wonderfully rare, but wonderful wife.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

lenzi said:


> Kresaera said:
> 
> 
> > I've had one PA (which was in reaction to the emotional roller coaster I was on because of his affairs).
> ...


B.S. Lenzie! She's saying what pushed her to do it, not that she thought it was perfectly ok!


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Look at the bright side, you have only been married for a couple of years and have no children. You tried marriage out and this time with this person it has not worked out for you. You are not stuck because of children. You're not staying against your desires so you don't feel the guilt some parents feel to do the best for their children. Also, a couple of years is not much time lost, only a little time spent learning about marriage and yourself.

Love and lust are two powerful forces that are capable of stuffing up peoples decision making processes. They are traps that can be pleasurable, and can also cause pain. You haven't wasted your whole life with this person. You'll find love again.


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

You could've married the wrong person, not your time, need to work on yourself on your own, or marriage is just plain not for you. But not all marriages "suck"


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