# Feeling Down…am I done?



## Elizabeth001

Is my sex life over? I feel like I’ve never had a real one. I’ve been waiting for the allotted time after my divorce to heal. I’ve had some short term sex which wasn’t fulfilling so I stopped (over a year ago). I’m introverted…am I just screwed (or not)?

Most of you know I just lost my little dog so I am aware that I’m still in the grieving process. 

Over the past few days there have been some posts that leave me wondering. Should I just hang it up? Stop looking? Just get used to my new norm? It’s never going to happen?

Is there someone out there for me or am I chasing my tail? Is this the end of something that never began? Is it just a lie that I was chasing?

I need truth. I can deal with truth. 


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## farsidejunky

Elizabeth001 said:


> Is my sex life over? I feel like I’ve never had a real one. I’ve been waiting for the allotted time after my divorce to heal. I’ve had some short term sex which wasn’t fulfilling so I stopped (over a year ago). I’m introverted…am I just screwed (or not)?
> 
> Most of you know I just lost my little dog so I am aware that I’m still in the grieving process.
> 
> Over the past few days there have been some posts that leave me wondering. Should I just hang it up? Stop looking? Just get used to my new norm? It’s never going to happen?
> 
> Is there someone out there for me or am I chasing my tail? Is this the end of something that never began? Is it just a lie that I was chasing?
> 
> I need truth. I can deal with truth.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


There is someone out there for you.

Someone who will appreciate your humor, honesty, and introverted nature.

Don't make this a self fulfilling prophecy by giving up.

You've got this. Just don't quit on yourself. You owe YOU better.



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## TXTrini

No! It's not over unless you give up.

Look, I never had a real one either, I had more sex with my bf in the first couple of months than I did in my nearly 13 year marriage. It simply sounds like casual sex isn't for you, I know it wasn't for me. It's harder for introverts like us to put ourselves out there, so I get how daunting it seems, but you can meet someone if you keep trying. 

Just bear in mind, you'll have to work up the courage to sometimes make the first move. Introverted men can be very timid initially, or take their good old time to speak up. I wanted someone who understood me, so it was well worth it .

The truth is, you can only get what you are willing to give, so think about what you want, then figure out if you're being realistic with your deal breakers, then think about how to write your profile to market yourself positively, but honestly and decide how to judge compatability.


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## ccpowerslave

I believe there is someone for everyone.


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## minimalME

I don't know what the future has in store for you, but I hope you find someone wonderful. 🤗💕


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## Elizabeth001

I dunno…I’m just missing my little dog tonight…


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## Diana7

No one can say what the future holds, but have hope. Hope keeps us going.
I wasn't sure I would meet another man to marry because he had to be a Christian and I had pretty high standards, but after 6 years I did.
You never know what is round the corner but never settle for second best.


Elizabeth001 said:


> I dunno…I’m just missing my little dog tonight…
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I understand. I had to have mine pts over Easter. Still miss all my dogs.


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## Marc878

From what I’ve seen sometimes you find the right one when you aren’t looking.


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## Hopeful Cynic

Marc878 said:


> From what I’ve seen sometimes you find the right one when you aren’t looking.


I must be not looking not hard enough too!

But joking aside, you are grieving. You're going to look at everything else in your life right now through the lens of loss. Recognize that, and remind yourself that it will take time before you feel up to doing some things, and it sound like dating might be one of them.


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## Lila

Elizabeth001 said:


> Over the past few days there have been some posts that leave me wondering. Should I just hang it up? Stop looking? Just get used to my new norm? It’s never going to happen?
> 
> Is there someone out there for me or am I chasing my tail? Is this the end of something that never began? Is it just a lie that I was chasing?


I have been there and I can tell you you are asking the wrong question. Whether there's someone out there for you is neither here nor there. What you should be asking is what you can you do to find happiness alone. Your actions are the only thing you can truly control. 

I know you're mourning the loss of your little puppy but remember that this too shall pass. 

I am going to say something that may come off as being critical but please don't take it that way. I know that you are trying online dating. I don't think you're in the right mindset. Just my opinion but I think you should be at a very happy place in your life if you are going to go that route. Many people describe it as a soul crushing experience for a reason. If you're not ready for it, it could make you feel hopeless. Totally not worth it IMO.


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## Enigma32

I'm also curious if you are taking any steps to try and find someone. I see you are doing OLD but are you doing anything else to hep attract someone? Are you going to the gym or trying out new clothes, anything like that?


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## Mr.Married

From your post I would say you have a great sense of humor, quick with wit, and kind of a pervert. I believe there is definitely someone out there for you !!


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## In Absentia

Lila said:


> I have been there and I can tell you you are asking the wrong question. Whether there's someone out there for you is neither here nor there. What you should be asking is what you can you do to find happiness alone. Your actions are the only thing you can truly control.


This. Personally, I don't want another relationship or sex. I haven't had any sex for the last 3 and half years. Have I missed it? No. At 58, my aim is trying to be happy within myself and enjoy the rest of my life, alone.


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## Mr.Married

In Absentia said:


> This. Personally, I don't want another relationship or sex. I haven't had any sex for the last 3 and half years. Have I missed it? No. At 58, my aim is trying to be happy within myself and enjoy the rest of my life, alone.


You should hire a pro .... just once 😈


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## In Absentia

Mr.Married said:


> You should hire a pro .... just once 😈


Can't think of anything worse...


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## minimalME

In Absentia said:


> This. Personally, I don't want another relationship or sex. I haven't had any sex for the last 3 and half years. Have I missed it? No. At 58, my aim is trying to be happy within myself and enjoy the rest of my life, alone.


Which is fine for you and me, because we prefer living this way.

I think I have a realistic view of my limitations - and the way society (and dating in general) is at the moment.

But @Elizabeth001 would like to share her life with someone, so I hope that works out for her.


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## In Absentia

minimalME said:


> Which is fine for you and me, because we prefer living this way.
> 
> I feel like I have a realistic view of my limitations - and the way society (and dating in general) is at the moment.
> 
> But @Elizabeth001 would like to share her life with someone, so I hope that works out for her.


Of course.... I have no idea how old Elizabeth is... although that doesn't really matter... 

I'm not sure this is the way I prefer living... my idea was to remain in my relationship, but that took a wrong turn, and I have to be realistic too.


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## hamadryad

It's cliche, but it's been said that for some odd reason in this area of life, desperation often leads to futility....

One thing that I have always kept in mind, and this applies to just about everything in life....Never let what someone else may or may not do govern your happiness and state of mind....That will certainly be a recipe for misery and let downs.. Find things in life that divert your attention from the need for a partner and a romantic interest and immerse yourself in those activities...

I wish you the best


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## D0nnivain

Elizabeth001 said:


> Over the past few days there have been some posts that leave me wondering. Should I just hang it up? Stop looking? Just get used to my new norm? It’s never going to happen?
> 
> Is there someone out there for me or am I chasing my tail? Is this the end of something that never began? Is it just a lie that I was chasing?


Please accept my condolences as your little dog passed to Rainbow Bridge. The loss of a fur baby is heartbreaking. Your pup probably got you through some dark times around your divorce so it's a double whammy. 

Do not give up forever on love / good sex but maybe give yourself a break right now. Take the rest of the summer or the rest of the year off. Instead focus on yourself. Figure out who you are as a single adult What are you likes? What soothes you? What makes you happy? 

One of the best ways to get over what ails you is to volunteer to help somebody else. Sharing your pain, minimizes the burden you need to carry alone.


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## RebuildingMe

I was at my lowest in Feb of this year. I felt I was destined to never get out of this divorce web and my new life was garbage. I thought I’d never have assets again, freedom and I’d be chained to 11 years of child support payments that would hold me back and make me work until I was 70. I wasn’t sure how much I’d see my young kids that needed me. I was a disaster. Drinking far too much and self sabotaging. I got off of TAM for a while, pulled myself together, dug in and went full trial prep mode.

5 months later, things turned around drastically. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Instead of reading deposition transcripts, I am on Zillow looking for homes. There is a life after the darkness.

@Elizabeth001, I hope you will see it soon. Sure being an introvert will make things harder for sure, but NOT impossible. Keep looking, keep your chin up and keep remembering that you come first. Can you buy a new dog? Too soon? Not sure. Do things that bring you happiness and help you forget the sadness.


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## Marc878

@Elkzabeth001 Get your hair done in a new do 😎


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## Elizabeth001

Marc878 said:


> @Elkzabeth001 Get your hair done in a new do


After almost 2k in vet bills…I can’t afford anything right now. 


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## In Absentia

Elizabeth001 said:


> After almost 2k in vet bills…I can’t afford anything right now.


I spent £7,000 when my springador was diagnosed with a rare tumor and he had to have a rather nasty operation. Unfortunately, it didn't work and the tumor came back. We didn't want him to go through another operation so we had to put him down at the end.... it still breaks my heart.


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## 342693

Can I ask how old you are? It's very easy to get down after a divorce...and then throw on top of that the loss of a pet. I'm a crossroads too. Early 50's, divorce almost final and I have zero desire to date. I just don't have the energy for the games. But I trust God and know he has a plan.


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## Elizabeth001

SCDad01 said:


> Can I ask how old you are? It's very easy to get down after a divorce...and then throw on top of that the loss of a pet. I'm a crossroads too. Early 50's, divorce almost final and I have zero desire to date. I just don't have the energy for the games. But I trust God and know he has a plan.


52 in March. The ink wasn’t dry on my divorce papers before I found out I was getting laid off from my job of 22 years. My divorce was final in ‘16 (maybe it was ‘17…I forget now…I left the marital home in ‘16). 

I do pretty good being alone and there are parts of it I treasure. It’s when the major things happen, like losing my little guy that I wish I had someone to lean on. 

My 2 adult sons are terrific but they worry about me and I’m sure they get tired of hearing my woes. They have lives of their own. 

I pay my bills and have a plan for retirement but life sure is more enjoyable as a team. By the time I do yard work on Saturday and housework on Sunday, there isn’t much left. 


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## MEA

Meh - if you neither crave nor enjoy sex casually, then don’t worry about it. There is no handbook to life with a checklist of “normal life indicators” with “casual sex” as a checkable item.
You can enjoy your life without sex and do things that make you happy.
If later, that leads to a relationship, then so be it. If not, at least you are doing things that make you happy.
Relationships are a lot of work anyway. Something that helped me with my grief over my beloved fur ball passing away 6 months ago was fostering a shelter dog. The fostering only lasted two weeks because the dog picked up on my grief and just cried non-stop… but during that time I helped the dog recover from mange, taught her how to walk nicely on a leash, gave her experiences she had never had before such as socialization with people cattle ans other dogs, swimming in a creek, and lots of yummy people food, plus gave her daily medicine and medicated baths. By the time I decided I couldn’t handle the pain of another dog in my home anymore, she was well fed, mange-free, and parasite free. She was adopted out the very next day to a little girl and family.
It helped my grief process because the dog did some things that reminded me of things my own dog used to do (except my own dog was of course, cuter, smarter, funnier, and overall a better dog / family member). This helped me forget my dog’s pathetic state of being in her dying days - memories that haunted me and filled me with baseless guilt (I never think I do enough). It helped me fill my head with the funnier, warmer, better memories.
Plus, I helped a dog find a home. That helped ease my depression.
Maybe stop trying to date and just focus on you and making yourself happy.


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## TXTrini

Elizabeth001 said:


> 52 in March. The ink wasn’t dry on my divorce papers before I found out I was getting laid off from my job of 22 years. My divorce was final in ‘16 (maybe it was ‘17…I forget now…I left the marital home in ‘16).
> 
> I do pretty good being alone and there are parts of it I treasure. It’s when the major things happen, like losing my little guy that I wish I had someone to lean on.
> 
> My 2 adult sons are terrific but they worry about me and I’m sure they get tired of hearing my woes. They have lives of their own.
> 
> I pay my bills and have a plan for retirement but life sure is more enjoyable as a team. By the time I do yard work on Saturday and housework on Sunday, there isn’t much left.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Hon, I'm 42 and I went through a really rough time the last few years. I'll spare you the details, but I just want to say, it does get better. 

It's really hard to believe it when you're in it, but just keep plodding on. What I did was determine what I had to do to improve my situation, outline a plan with contingencies to be flexible and stick with it. 

That's a long time alone, even if you're not up for dating, do you have any friends with similar interests to meet every so often? If not, don't feel bad, I don't either. All of my friends are overseas or in other states, so not trying to be preachy. 

I hear you about wanting to be part of a team, I want that too. But if you really want that, you'll have to put yourself out there and go find your teammate. It's scary AF, but when you find someone compatible, it'll all be worth it!


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## 342693

Elizabeth001 said:


> 52 in March. The ink wasn’t dry on my divorce papers before I found out I was getting laid off from my job of 22 years. My divorce was final in ‘16 (maybe it was ‘17…I forget now…I left the marital home in ‘16).
> 
> I do pretty good being alone and there are parts of it I treasure. It’s when the major things happen, like losing my little guy that I wish I had someone to lean on.
> 
> My 2 adult sons are terrific but they worry about me and I’m sure they get tired of hearing my woes. They have lives of their own.
> 
> I pay my bills and have a plan for retirement but life sure is more enjoyable as a team. By the time I do yard work on Saturday and housework on Sunday, there isn’t much left.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


We're in pretty similar situations....I'm 53, but divorce not final yet. I still have two kids at home (teens) that are with me 50% of the time. So that helps. But like you, it would be nice to have someone there to hang out with, travel and help deal with stressful situations. The whole dying alone thing sucks too. 

I've been told dating gets easier with age, but I have zero interest. Highly doubt I will ever get married again. Sure I'll miss the intimacy, but that's not as big of a deal as it was 5-10 years ago. I work, exercise, go to church, do stuff in the yard and enjoy time with the kids. That's all I need right now.


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## Theborg

Hey, life is what happens while you're making other plans. I was looking for casual sex. I found a nine-year relationship. We've got the perfect relationship "for us." We don't live together; and we've been training each other on reducing expectations. We have nothing in common but each other. No one who knows either of us can figure out why we stay together. Never say never!


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## m.t.t

I'm quietly wondering about this as well. I'm taking time out after my last relationship but I do wonder if I will ever be in a for-filling happy relationship in the future. Causal sex for me is tricky as I do tend to bond and then it gets confusing.


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## LisaDiane

Elizabeth001 said:


> 52 in March. The ink wasn’t dry on my divorce papers before I found out I was getting laid off from my job of 22 years. My divorce was final in ‘16 (maybe it was ‘17…I forget now…I left the marital home in ‘16).
> 
> I do pretty good being alone and there are parts of it I treasure. It’s when the major things happen, like losing my little guy that I wish I had someone to lean on.
> 
> My 2 adult sons are terrific but they worry about me and I’m sure they get tired of hearing my woes. They have lives of their own.
> 
> I pay my bills and have a plan for retirement but life sure is more enjoyable as a team. By the time I do yard work on Saturday and housework on Sunday, there isn’t much left.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Hey, I just read this thread...I'm SO sorry about the loss of your little dog. It took me MONTHS to stop feeling sharp grief over the sudden loss of my sweet girl a few years ago. It's devastating, and affects your entire outlook.

Are you feeling any better or more hopeful this week? You don't need to suffer the loss of a fur baby to feel like your emotions are on a roller coaster...I hope you can get some of your optimism back soon!!


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## Elizabeth001

LisaDiane said:


> Hey, I just read this thread...I'm SO sorry about the loss of your little dog. It took me MONTHS to stop feeling sharp grief over the sudden loss of my sweet girl a few years ago. It's devastating, and affects your entire outlook.
> 
> Are you feeling any better or more hopeful this week? You don't need to suffer the loss of a fur baby to feel like your emotions are on a roller coaster...I hope you can get some of your optimism back soon!!


Thank you LD. I guess I’m doing somewhat better. I seem to go along pretty good then WHAM! You know? It happened last night at bedtime. I just couldn’t stop crying. I miss him so very much  

Overall I feel like I may be falling into depression. Can’t afford therapy at the moment. Could call my doc to put me back on antidepressants for a while again but the thought of the side effects makes me even more depressed.

Just trying to hang in there…


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## Lostinthought61

I am sorry to hear that Elizabeth, having lost a couple of our dogs to old age and illness it is so heart breaking and they leave a void that is not replaceable, is that what is causing you your depression or is it something in addition to the loss ?


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## jlg07

Elizabeth001 said:


> My 2 adult sons are terrific but they worry about me and I’m sure they get tired of hearing my woes. They have lives of their own.


Elizabeth, your sons love you -- they WANT to be there for you, so please don't NOT lean on them when going through tough times!
Yes, not the same as a partner, but they are still family and want you to NOT be depressed...


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## Elizabeth001

Lostinthought61 said:


> I am sorry to hear that Elizabeth, having lost a couple of our dogs to old age and illness it is so heart breaking and they leave a void that is not replaceable, is that what is causing you your depression or is it something in addition to the loss ?


It’s an accumulation of the past few years and my little guy just threw me over the edge I guess. 


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## Elizabeth001

jlg07 said:


> Elizabeth, your sons love you -- they WANT to be there for you, so please don't NOT lean on them when going through tough times!
> Yes, not the same as a partner, but they are still family and want you to NOT be depressed...


Yeah…they are absolutely wonderful. I guess I did a good job raising them  They are always there for me when I need them. They both went with me to put my baby to sleep. My oldest is having a headstone made for his grave. My youngest has been calling to check on me regularly. The three of us are extremely close. 

But it really isn’t the same as a partner. I guess I thought I would have found a love interest by now. 

Really hit it off with this guy in the earlier stages but he turned out to have some mental issues I was not prepared to deal with. But meeting him gave me hope that I can feel that way again about someone. 

Had hopes for this other fella a couple of years ago but he just really pushed things too fast. That was the last time I had sex and only the one time  I called it right though. He met and married some other lady in less than 6 months after I broke it off with him. lol 


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