# Running out of options!



## alert.citizen (May 28, 2012)

Dear all,
I believe 100% that every problem in the world has a solution in dialogue. Me and my wife knew each other for eight years before the marriage and have been married for little over 5 years now with no kids. We both were virgins and had no prior relationships. We are thinking about trying for a kid soon.
However, I am not sure if I want to have kids with this woman who does not have sex with me more than once a week or fortnight. While growing up in India I saw a lot of married women around me in India as well as in US in the Indian families suffering from lack of freedom. I made a decision to provide every single freedom to my wife. I have not forced her to change anything after marriage. I have always promoted her to go pursue her career goals. While reading on most of the blogs I realized that women are reluctant to have sex because they are too tired, their husbands don't help around in the house. So, I starting cooking. I cook full-fledged dinners every day of the year, do laundry, vacuuming. She cooks may be once in a month when I am just dead tired. On top she will complain about the quality of toilet cleaning. This really pisses me off. If it does, then she says, ” you can’t handle criticism”.
my She still did not have sex with me more than what I mentioned above. Then she said, “ well your tummy is growing and it comes in the way”. So, I exercised my butt off and got a flat tummy. Then a new excuse came that sex with me was cumbersome because of the phimosis (tight foreskin) problem I had. I even got myself circumcised. The situation did not improve after that. 
I am trying to dig down to the real reasons for her behavior and I can’t. I read a book “His needs and her needs”, I loved the book as it taught me about what can be possible needs of a woman. I even had her read the book. She heard the audio tapes while going to office in her car but could not take it as it was too realistic. I told her about my need for sex and she said I know it. Well then why can’t you be responsive to it. I masturbate almost every day picturing my wife. I don’t like this status quo and she does not understand the problem. 
I asked her that we provide each other our needs for a marriage, list them in the order of importance and then provide rank on the scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being not satisfied at all and 5 being fully satisfied in the bracket ...example sex (1) that is not satisfied:
I gave:
1.	Sex (1)
2.	Energetic wife who takes care of her looks (2)
3.	Proactively share responsibilities (3)
4.	Help me to succeed professionally (5)
5.	Care for me (3)
She gave:
1.	Hugging and Kissing without sexual intent (3)
2.	Talk with me in moderate tone (2)
3.	No farting and burping (1)
4.	No housework unless I ask for (1)
5.	Dress well (3)

We clearly have a disconnect.
Any other ways you guys can think of before I shell out hundreds on therapist.


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Do you show affection without sexual intent? Have you tried to back off on your requests and let her initiate? Read on here there are some great tips and articles for people in exactly your situation but counseling could not hurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

