# Ignored/rejected



## styx (Oct 16, 2014)

I have been with my SO for 8 months now, the first month we had sex a lot sometimes 2 or three times in a row. I am a multi orgasmic guy and she is pretty much one and done so it takes a bit for her to get going again. 

I feel she ignores me a lot though, she is extremely passive on everything including sex. I Always have to initiate sex. If I do when she has been drinking a lot she will reject me in the worst way. The first time she did this we were in the missionary position and going at it good and she just pushes me out and rolls over! WTF! Went from hero standing tall to zip in about a second! I almost just said **** it and left! I have never been so humiliated in my life! Now when she starts drinking I don't even try anything. 

When she doesn't drink and I try to initiate, we are almost always spooning and I try caressing, and light massage and kissing parts of her body and there is no response, not a moan not a movement that indicates she wants sex. Sometimes I just get pissed and take care of myself in the shower or do it right there in bed next to her and she puts the cover over her head.

I have told her that I like sex once or twice a day and I am always ready and she makes me so hot and horny for her. I have asked her what gets her going and she only says kissing on the neck so I try that and no response.

I do 99% percent of all the cooking, cleaning, romancing with candle lit dinners, send sexy text, make her coffee for her, breakfast in bed, I pay all the bills everything. 

I always go down on her but she has only given me 5 BJs in the 9 months we have been together. She won't even hardly touch my penis or even look at it unless she thinks I am not watching her.

I have slowly stopped being as attentive towards her, and I masturbate 2 or three times a day just to keep myself at bay! Frustrating as hell, I don't like to masturbate especially when I have a beautiful woman that lives with me, why should I do that? 

I was married for 19 years and caught her cheating so I divorced her. We were both in the Army and the last 5 years of our marriage we saw each other for about 1 year total during that 5 years so we grew apart. That's my back ground for relationship pretty much.

My SO (now), was married for a couple years and he was abusive and it took her 3 years to divorce him, he is such a nice guy he moved to Colorado just so he wouldn't have to pay child support. Anyhow, most of her other relationships have been with abusive guys or players and such. 

She smokes and she drinks, sometimes to excess, she is a shift worker and sometimes only gets 4 or 5 hours sleep between shifts, so I know all that plays against her libido, but it is consuming my every waking hour as to how to get her libido going when the time presents itself.

I can be an ass when I need to be, but I am pretty much the so called "Nice Guy" (hate that saying btw) 

So my question is how do I deal with her? My plan is to just ignore her, not hold hands, no kissing, no hugging, no talking, ignoring her text until she finally will talk to me. 
NOTE: the first time I wanted to talk to her about our sex life, she came home from work and we had the most amazing sex we have had and never talked, the next time she came home and just went to sleep.

It seems she would rather talk through text than face to face. Her daughter is the same way, no face to face talking, just text but she is an 18 YO spoiled brat really. 

Any suggestions on what to do? I know without a doubt she loves me and I love her. Just frustrated as hell to the point I don't ever want to have sex with her again because I can't handle the emotional hurt of the rejections and being ignored!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You've been with her for 8 months. It's only going to get worse. End it already. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Pbear is right. You are not compatible, find someone who is.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

styx said:


> She smokes and she drinks, sometimes to excess, she is a shift worker and sometimes only gets 4 or 5 hours sleep between shifts, so I know all that plays against her libido, but it is consuming my every waking hour as to how to get her libido going when the time presents itself.


beats me! that is a tough one. She is less sexual than you, but otherwise sound not so bad. Army life does tend to **** up relationships!

in any event, here is a nice song for your plight, waiting for a factory girl:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UZmtqpc6wM


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

If you feel you need sex one or more times a day there is little chance you will find a woman as sexual as you are. So I don't think you will bring her up to your level. Also, ignoring her is not going to make her want you more. 

My wife and I often handle hard to discuss topics through texts and emails


Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening rayloveshiswife
If you look at threads here and elsewhere there are some very sexual women who would enjoy sex every day. Not a majority, but not a rarity either. Its good to find someone who is compatible in level of desire. 



Rayloveshiswife said:


> If you feel you need sex one or more times a day there is little chance you will find a woman as sexual as you are. So I don't think you will bring her up to your level. Also, ignoring her is not going to make her want you more.
> 
> My wife and I often handle hard to discuss topics through texts and emails
> 
> ...


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## Want2StayMarried (Oct 14, 2014)

I'm a married woman and I hear the frustration in your words. I think maybe, since what you have tried isn't working try being less aggressive with it? How often do you bring up sex? how often do you try to initiate sex? or talk about it? you obviously have a very high sex drive and admitted it is constantly on your mind. So I am wondering if she feels overwhelmed by your seemingly never sated sexual drive and quest for sex. I mean no offense and i'm not judging you at all, I am just saying sometimes it can make a woman feel inadequate to not be able to keep up or want it as much which can cause them to shut down. Sort of like why bother if he won't be happy anyways? So my suggestion is to stop asking so much if you are asking regularly and don't try to initiate it as often as you have and to just give her a chance for the pressure to ease off. After that then try and if you have sex make sure you tell her how much you liked it and how enjoyable it was, without hinting about wanting to do it more or anything like that and see if you can naturally make it happen without pressure, because that might be a big part of it. I don't know if it will work, but it can't hurt. Pressure can affect women as much as men only we don't show it as outwardly...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She has a low libido and isn't into you enough to try to adapt to your needs. Move on.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I agree. A relationship this new isn't worth the pain. Bail now, and find yourself a good match. Maybe she'll find herself a nice LD guy to play checkers with.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> I agree. A relationship this new isn't worth the pain. Bail now, and find yourself a good match. Maybe she'll find herself a nice LD guy to play checkers with.


It's not even that. Many of the LD's are highly sexual. They get a thrill from cheating on their spouses, but deny them sex and affection since they are getting it from outside.


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## justfabulous (Feb 9, 2014)

_"She smokes and she drinks, sometimes to excess... It seems she would rather talk through text than face to face.... I know without a doubt she loves me and I love her.... Just frustrated as hell to the point I don't ever want to have sex with her again because I can't handle the emotional hurt of the rejections and being ignored!" _

It sounds like the two of you may simply not be compatible. Obviously based on what you describe, that would seem to be the case sexually. Its one thing that she doesn't want to do it multiple times per day - but for her to be so unresponsive to you when you kiss or caress her... not a good sign. Are you prepared to live with that constant feeling of rejection? Or are you prepared to just shut down your sex drive to avoid the emotional hurt this causes? Neither of those options is healthy for you or the relationship, yet that's what typically happens in situations like this, and it leads to a whole host of other problems in the relationship due to resentment. This site is littered with the stories of men who have been suffering in the pain of a sexless marriage for years and they either end up divorcing after enduring decades of rejection and unfulfillment, or they continue living in misery because its gotten complicated and they cant get out (kids, financial reasons, etc) At least if she enjoyed sex with you, genuinely made you feel desired, and wanted to share that level of intimacy with you on a regular basis, and it was a mutually satisfying experience when you have it, then you could maybe reach a compromise on how often you have it. But it doesn't sound like you have anything there to work with. Intimacy is such an important part of a satisfying relationship with one's SO, and for a relationship to really work and be happy, the partners have to be sexually compatible. I've never seen a situation described here where the couple is not sexually compatible, but the relationship is healthy. You've indicated that sexual intimacy with your SO is important to you, so you are setting yourself up for problems and a future of unfulillment if you insist on trying to put a square peg into a round hole. You both want and need very different things. 

But aside from the sexual aspects, it doesn't necessarily sound like this is a match made in heaven overall from what you've described. 

- You say you basically put in all the effort in this relationship (you do all the cooking, housework, arrange the romantic experiences, and pay all the bills) while she does next to nothing. 

- You say "She smokes and she drinks, sometimes to excess"

- You say "she would rather talk through text than face to face".

From the way you've presented this, I'm not getting the idea that this is your idea of the ideal mate. 

It all just sounds... _so incompatible._ She doesn't sound particularly giving in this relationship, rather, she sounds like a "taker". What does she do for YOU? What effort and work does she put into this relationship, and into ensuring you are happy and that you feel cared for and taken care of by her? In a good relationship, both people do this for eachother. You've only been in the relationship less than a year. You are not married. You should think long and hard about whether you can really see a future for the two of you this way. Would you be happy continuing to live like this year after year.. for the next 5 years, 10 years, 20 years...etc. Because as everyone else here has said, if you look around at the common theme on these boards, statistically speaking, this type of situation WILL NOT get better - only significantly worse. Back to the sexual aspect- generally in the first year of a relationship, assuming you are not practicing abstinence, the sex is at its best. If it is already this dismal for you, realistically, there isn't much to look forward to. You are simply mismatched/ incompatible. Better to move on so each of you can find people you are a better fit with - someone who truly fills your needs and makes you feel good about yourself every day. Sometimes caring deeply for someone and actually being compatible with them are two different things. You might need to accept that so you dont end up wasting some of the best years of your life with the wrong person, only to deeply regret it later in life. You cant get the time back. And by the way, yes, many women enjoy and look forward to a lot of intimacy with their SO resulting in amazing, mutually fulfilling relationships. I am one of them. So dont buy into the theory that this is just the way women are. There is very likely someone out there who you be a much better fit with, and would therefore have a much more satisfying relationship with. Same goes for your SO. But the earlier in the relationship you make that decision, the better and easier it will be for all involved. Wait too long and it all gets much more complicated to extricate yourself from.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

Maybe your SO feels she's won you over and don't feel a need to keep up her sex act (ing)? Eight months is an extreme short time to be found in your predicament. You two should still be sex climbing all over the other at this early stage. 

There is something mentally blocking her desire for sex. What that is, who knows- Something has happened between the time you two plugged in and now out. She is the only one who holds the answer(s). Thing is, will she come clean with you as to what the problem is. 

Sorry to hear about your frustration.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

treyvion said:


> It's not even that. *Many* of the LD's are highly sexual. They get a thrill from cheating on their spouses, but deny them sex and affection since they are getting it from outside.


A few stories in CWI do NOT make "many!" Sheeshe!

OP, PBear is right. Only 8 months in...this will always be an issue and it will not likely ever get better. It might improve a little bit, for a short time, but it will quickly go right back to what you have today.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

styx said:


> She won't even hardly touch my penis or even look at it unless she thinks I am not watching her.


She'll grab your c0ck or look at it but only if you don't peek at her?

What the heck is that all about?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You need to get out of this relationship. Now. She sounds like a selfish b!tch and you deserve much better.


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## hartvalve (Mar 15, 2014)

lenzi said:


> She'll grab your c0ck or look at it but only if you don't peek at her?
> 
> What the heck is that all about?


I think the poster my have meant.. His bed-mate rarely if ever, touches his penis and takes peeks at it when she thinks he is not looking. 

*What the heck could that be about?* :scratchhead:Maybe she wants to see if there is an erection, but hope there isn't? There are other things on my mind what could be the matter, but I will refrain from voicing them.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Next.


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