# Separated Again



## Steven2424 (Nov 15, 2016)

So I will try to keep this as brief as I can.

My wife and I separated 3 years ago for about 6 months. Long story short on that, there was another man, as well as a family trauma that both preceded her decision to move out. We got through it somehow, with a lot of counseling I suppose, and ended up back together. Everything was great when we first got back together. We were getting along better than we ever had, we were spending quality time together, and my whole family got busy with sports or dance class or the gym etc... Things were awesome for about a year.

Then we moved across the state. We moved due to a job opportunity for my wife, which was fine because I was able to transfer my own job. But everything was different. Her work life balance was not as good as we were used to, our cost of living rose and was not covered by the pay increase she got with her job, and we had a hell of a time finding a good daycare. It was just a lot of stress that we didn't used to have, and neither of us were all too happy about it.

So, unfortunately, we did what so many couples do. We grew apart and took our stresses out on each other. She adopted this "I will do whatever and go wherever I want" attitude, and I withdrew. I still had some lingering trust issues towards my wife from before, so when she started going out late and partying with her new "friends" it caused me a lot of concern. For her part, she feels that I'm just not romantic enough or loving enough to her. For my part I have taken issue with a certain coworker of mine that always wants to hang out with us, but he really means her. 

So more about my coworker: For most of this last summer he was at my house nearly every day. We would play cards with my brother and some of my wife's girlfriends, and have bonfires and cookouts, but the more my coworker came around, is the less interested he was in hanging with me, and the more he began following her around like a lost puppy. Individually, they have hung out at the mall together, gone to see a movie one day, and they had lunch together as "friends" a few times. My wife's thoughts on the matter are, they are just friends and there is nothing to worry about, so I need to stop questioning her and complaining about it. But for my part, it is too similar to how things started last time, with a mutual friend pursuing my wife for more than friendship and her not realizing it or caring.

So that brings you generally up to speed, in a very short and condensed version of events. My wife asked me to leave about 8 weeks ago, but I do come home on the weekends to spend time with my kids. The first few weekends she would leave while I am home, but the last few weeks she just stayed. Our encounters have been up and down. One day she is affectionate, and the next (or sometimes later that same day) she is as cold as ice. I started the separation much like I did last time, with the pleading and begging and reasoning with her, but I have moved past that rather quickly this time, with only the occasional slip up on my part. She encouraged me not to go sign any leases or anything like that because this wasn't supposed to be permanent, so I am living out of a suitcase at a friends house in the meantime.

As for where we stand as a couple, I really don't know. When she first asked me to go to my friend's house she assured me this wasn't a long term thing, that we just needed to cool down and back off of arguing so much. But that gradually transitioned to her thinking this is it and that we should get a divorce. But then she does a 180 the next day and says all she really needs is time.

We have had two encounters with being intimate. She said the first one was fine, but the second encounter apparently made her feel uncomfortable. So I am not sure what I'm supposed to do about that.

Anywho, that is my story, and I appreciate any feedback you might have to offer.

Thanks in advance.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Wow, your wife sure has the wool pulled over YOUR eyes doesn't she?

She's a serial cheater. Can you really not see that? Somehow she's convinced you to be a cuckold. Twice. She even got you to leave YOUR HOUSE so she can screw the OM in YOUR BED.


----------



## Steven2424 (Nov 15, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> Wow, your wife sure has the wool pulled over YOUR eyes doesn't she?
> 
> She's a serial cheater. Can you really not see that? Somehow she's convinced you to be a cuckold. Twice. She even got you to leave YOUR HOUSE so she can screw the OM in YOUR BED.


The IP cameras in and around our home tell me otherwise. And I am not defending her what soever, I know she has made mistakes.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

you realize she is still cheating and yet you want to play the denial card...if you stay then realize she will not change and you have to accept the fact that you are a cuckold husband....if your okay with that then reconcile with her. but personally i would have dumped her the first time...consider this she never learned her lesson, she never did all the heavy lifting and she does not care for you


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Steven2424 said:


> The IP cameras in and around our home tell me otherwise.


Big hairy whoop - so she knows the cameras are there and screws him at HIS house. Whatever - SO not my point.



Steven2424 said:


> And I am not defending her what soever, I know she has made mistakes.


MISTAKES?!?!?! So that other guys penis that went into her vagina - that was outside her sphere of influence? It just happened to fly in there of it's own accord every time she wasn't paying attention??? Seriously??


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Steven2424 said:


> The IP cameras in and around our home tell me otherwise. And I am not defending her what soever, I know she has made mistakes.


Smells like denial on your part. An affair is never a mistake it's a decision/choice made willingly they just don't happen. 

Some guy comes sniffing around and you do what?


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Steven2424 said:


> So, unfortunately, we did what so many couples do. We grew apart and took our stresses out on each other. She adopted this "I will do whatever and go wherever I want" attitude, and I withdrew. I still had some lingering trust issues towards my wife from before, so when she started going out late and partying with her new "friends" it caused me a lot of concern. For her part, she feels that I'm just not romantic enough or loving enough to her. For my part I have taken issue with a certain coworker of mine that always wants to hang out with us, but he really means her.
> 
> Obviously her affair was never addressed properly and now it's a repeat.
> 
> ...


Read up 
http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=AwrB..._Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=6TCAPs6_IkOMFoirW1X1x8OgXnA-

And check your phone bill


----------



## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Steven2424 said:


> The IP cameras in and around our home tell me otherwise. And I am not defending her what soever, I know she has made mistakes.


Does she know the cameras are there? If not, you have a point. If so, and she may be more informed than you realize, then your statement about "the cameras telling you otherwise" is utter nonsense and you should know this without being told.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Dude, divorce is hard and expensive. Really expensive. Is that what is keeping you from detaching? Or is it the kid? Fck the money, cars, and house. You can buy more later. You can recover your loss over time. I've been there. 50% custody is yours if you want it. You'll spend more quality time with the kid than you did married. Time to free yourself from someone that wants nothing to do with you and find someone that actually loves you. You sound young, so you're still in the prime. You'll find a better woman soon and wonder why you didn't divorce her years ago.

Get on pof.com (free) and start dating women. You'll see the world in a completely different way.


----------



## unbe (Dec 20, 2013)

GuyInColorado said:


> Dude, divorce is hard and expensive. Really expensive. Is that what is keeping you from detaching? Or is it the kid? Fck the money, cars, and house. You can buy more later. You can recover your loss over time. I've been there. 50% custody is yours if you want it. You'll spend more quality time with the kid than you did married. Time to free yourself from someone that wants nothing to do with you and find someone that actually loves you. You sound young, so you're still in the prime. You'll find a better woman soon and wonder why you didn't divorce her years ago.
> 
> Get on pof.com (free) and start dating women. You'll see the world in a completely different way.


Don't get on any dating sites just yet...sort out your house before messing up someone elses!

Spend time with your kid...Work on yourself. The girls on POF will be there. Trust me, they never leave!


----------



## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

If there is nothing filed yet (temp orders etc) and your on the deed then move back on in. For the sake of your kids move back in. 

I just started reading this section as this is where im headed and i cant believe how many men move out of the house just because they were asked for separation. I may be wishy washy on things in my situation but this just seems like a no brainier. If you want 50/50 of your children then move back in period. If you dont care for 50/50 then proceed how you want.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Well past time to man up and to stop embracing denial!

She's well past cheating and you should be accepting that sad fact by now and doing something about it!

If you can't bring yourself to grips with that sad fact, you need to start "the 180," get a PI to get the evidence for you, then get a good attorney to help you assess all of your legal rights!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## xxxSHxYZxxx (Apr 1, 2013)

Steven2424 said:


> So I will try to keep this as brief as I can.
> 
> My wife and I separated 3 years ago for about 6 months. Long story short on that, there was another man, as well as a family trauma that both preceded her decision to move out. We got through it somehow, with a lot of counseling I suppose, and ended up back together. Everything was great when we first got back together. We were getting along better than we ever had, we were spending quality time together, and my whole family got busy with sports or dance class or the gym etc... Things were awesome for about a year.
> 
> ...


Brah. You need to man up and get back in the house. If she wants a separation then she can stay at her friends and only come to the house as a visitor. Maybe she wants space to think. Maybe she wants you out of her hair so she can not feel guilty about something. Either way get back in the house

Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Looks like you are acting like a beta male. Time to go scorched earth on your wife and lay down some boundaries. Tell her you are no longer going to be her doormat, you instead have decided you no longer want her and want a divorce. Go see a lawyer and get the ball rolling. Do the 180 on her, start detaching emotionally, start going to the gym, build up your self esteem, go to IC if necessary. You have to be willing to lose this marriage.
YOur wife has no respect for you,she is calling all the shots, she is dictating you should move out of your home and live out of a suit case. Have some self respect and stop letting her treat you like this. Enough already. If she wants the seperation, then she moves, give her what she wants, why change your life.


----------



## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Are you content with this manipulation? Your W dictates when you can come and go and for how long? If this is acceptable to you then why have you come here? If you are not comfortable excersizing authority over your wife so be it but you most certainly should feel no angst about taking control of your own destiny. She is taking full advantage of you and your submissive nature. None of this will change until you begin to assert some dominance over your situation. You cannot change another persons behavior but you can surely set limits as to what you will tolerate from them.

If you have any serious desire for change then you simply must start calling the shots and informing her how it will be. If she wants to be there she can be, if your willing to accept her back, but it will not be at her direction but yours.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

So when are you moving back in? 

Seriously, this needs to be the first thing that you do.


----------

