# Almost two years since separation, but I can't move on



## IWant2BAdored (Apr 8, 2018)

I wish I still didn't feel so much for my ex. I have been to therapy constantly. I did drugs and booze. I screwed around a bit. Nothing seems to take the pain away for long. I had a really nice girlfriend, but I blew it with her because she knew I was still hung up on my ex, and she rightfully didn't want to compete with an over idealized memory.

If we didn't have 3 kids, this would be easy, no scratch that, it would be easier. I just would have done what I always did the past - run away, far away. No contact, nothing, and an appreciable amount of time was the only way I ever got over anyone. The only thing is I can't run away this time, just because I'm no longer a husband, I am still a dad. So I am forced to deal with her constantly, see her constantly, talk to her constantly. I have to witness first hand how much happier she is without me (and with somebody else). It is killing me, and honestly if it weren't for my kids, I may have taken the coward's way out, that's how unhappy I am.

Like I said, I have dated since we separated, and after our divorce was final, I met a really wonderful woman, but like I said, I ruined it. I guess I wasn't ready yet, but I wanted to be. Now I have hurt someone else, and I'll still stuck on a woman who has clearly moved on.

I know there is no magic bullet here. I guess I'm just venting.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

Gonna need some more info here...

- what is your age? Kids?
- relationship with the kids?
- you keeping busy? Work OK?
- health OK?
- housing?
- financial status? Before and after separation?
- and then the real kicker: why do you think she left you.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

IWant2BAdored said:


> I wish I still didn't feel so much for my ex. I have been to therapy constantly. I did drugs and booze. I screwed around a bit. Nothing seems to take the pain away for long. I had a really nice girlfriend, but I blew it with her because she knew I was still hung up on my ex, and she rightfully didn't want to compete with an over idealized memory.
> 
> If we didn't have 3 kids, this would be easy, no scratch that, it would be easier. I just would have done what I always did the past - run away, far away. No contact, nothing, and an appreciable amount of time was the only way I ever got over anyone. The only thing is I can't run away this time, just because I'm no longer a husband, I am still a dad. So I am forced to deal with her constantly, see her constantly, talk to her constantly. I have to witness first hand how much happier she is without me (and with somebody else). It is killing me, and honestly if it weren't for my kids, I may have taken the coward's way out, that's how unhappy I am.
> 
> ...


*Have you done individual couunseling(IC) or have you given doing it due consideration?*


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Is it possible to limit your interaction with her? I would only be discussing the kids and anything to do with them at this point; through text if possible. I also think that looking into getting a good counselor that is a fit for you would help you out of this. Sometimes being away from a situation like a marriage is when we start remembering only the good times and the bad kind of fades away. Then we tend to idealize the whole marriage and you wonder why you still aren't together. This is what I did until my divorce was final. Talking to a counselor will also help you stop beating yourself up about other things too. Your kids need you so if you can't do it for yourself then please do it for them.


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

I don't normally recommend this, but is there any hobby you could see yourself becoming obsessed with? Jiu jitsu, running, triathlons? Something that you track progress in and strive to improve. Kind of like addicts replacing drugs or alcohol with a "positive" addiction like ultramarathons. Something to consider.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

EasyPartner said:


> Gonna need some more info here...
> 
> - what is your age? Kids?
> - relationship with the kids?
> ...


Agree, need this info to be able to offer suggestions. I moved on relatively fast considering length of marriage but I tried everything and know I did everything I could to try and save it even though ultimately it was not worth it.

You need closure to be able to move to the future so somehow you need to accept that part of your life is in the past so you can make a new chapter.


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