# Trigger this far out



## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

I'm over a decade out from d-day, and overall doing well. Obviously, I still have some issues, or I wouldn't be here. We're still together. The WW has done everything possible to maintain our relationship- transparency, accountability, honesty- she could have written one of the how-to books. Overall, I'm happy w/ us and w/ myself. But a couple of nights ago, we went to see the Geo Clooney film "The Descendants." I don't think she knew the plot. But I had read a review, and knew what was coming. I just couldn't find a good excuse to avoid the movie, and she wanted to see it. Interestingly, I didn't have the visceral reactions that I've had in the past to such movies, i.e., "Bridges of ******* County." I thought that I must have healed enough that I could deal with the story objectively. Wrong! Since seeing it, I find myself obsessing again, looking for signs of a problem; actually went thru her cell and Facebook. Didn't find anything, and really felt somewhat guilty and stupid. I guess it just never ends.


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

This is gonna be something that sticks with you through out your entire life. You are always gonna be second guessing her at some point, Its sort of expected when someone cheats on you and you attempt to R. Try talking to someone about it, Maybe that will help.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are right that it usually never ends... it just gets to be less and less an issue over time.

It sounds like most of you handle things well most of the time. So that's a plus.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Thanks for the support. I really don't have anyone else to talk to about it. None of my friends even know about this. I had a great therapist whom I saw for a couple of years. He guided me into meditation, which has been a life saver- literally. Unfortunately, he has a chronic illness, which has impaired his ability to continue counseling. At this point, I don't feel inclined to look for another therapist. I honestly think that this episode of triggering will pass. Just needed some reassurance.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Sometimes it is better to just avoid certain things, and this movie is a prime example. There's no secret what the plot is.

My wife has suggested we see it 4 or 5 times now. The last time she said something about how I didn't seem very interested in it. I just about asked if she was intentionally trying to provoke me.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

could u talk to your wife how it made u feel? how u ended up checking up on her after all this time. U may even find u can both laugh about it. from what it sounds like she will be supportive & sympathetic.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

I'm 20 years out from D-Day and I still trigger. It's not the triggering it's learning how to deal with it that matters.


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## Struggling4ever (Jan 9, 2012)

I'm 11 years out and still troubled. We had bad advice from a therapist and we rugswept. I truly believe now that it was a self defense mechanism for me. If I took blame for pushing her away and blamed the OM for manipulating her, then it wasn't her fault. That worked for a long time but there have always been triggers, sex has never been the same and neither have I. Now I feel guilty because she is happy, and I am contemplating seperation or divorce. Good luck!


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