# No more mister nice guy



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I found it on line and started reading it.

First 3 chapters not very impressed.

I hope it gets better.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

chillymorn69 said:


> I found it on line and started reading it.
> 
> First 3 chapters not very impressed.
> 
> I hope it gets better.


It helped me a lot, but not right away. Your mileage may vary.

What really helped was reading it, then reading MW Davis, the sex starved marriage as there is a lot of overlap, but from a slightly different perspective. The trick was to figure out how and where they both were saying much the same thing. Both urge backing off and being less clingy, both recommend "getting a life" and becoming a better more integrated man who was proud of things he does and this brings him happiness and confidence. 

It took a lot of thinking about my role in my marriage problems. It took trial and error to figure out the power of a 180 in Davis book and understand her "just do it" approach to rebuilding a marriage. The hardest NMMNG concept for me to master was how to abandon "covert contracts." I also do feel that the concepts of getting validation from women and its basic co-dependence is a real problem for a lot of "men raised by women authority figures." 

Again no approach solves all problems. However so very popular approaches have nuggets of insight that might help one resolve part of a problem.

Good luck. Read it more than once.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I think that if you don't fit the definition of 'nice guy' in NMMNG, it won't have any value to you. I didn't get much out of it, other than the covert contract thing. I probably made some covert contracts and didn't understand I was doing that. Any self help book is only useful, if you need the help it can provide....


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

I got it for my husband. He was not impressed either. If you are interested, I can ask him more specifically what he thought. He had some very specific criticisms, but I do not recall them...


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

chillymorn69 said:


> I found it on line and started reading it.
> 
> First 3 chapters not very impressed.
> 
> I hope it gets better.


It was a tremendous help for me.

I had fallen into the nice-guy, covert-contract, passive-aggressive behavior pattern and had not even realized it.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

I can picture those "No More Mr Nice Guy" support group meetings in my head. Just a sea of sadness. The author can't actually think these would be a real thing men would go to. Or that the reader is going to have people around him role playing in order for him to not be a whiny, manipulative, passive aggressive jackhole?

It's not a realistic self-help book men could follow.

The fact is, once a man gets near his 40's his personality is largely what it is. Reversing bad habits is going to be a mountain to climb and a lot of hard work. Getting to the gym is great, but it's not a panacea. If a man isn't happy with himself, he can expect years of hard work to change his station and outlook. Most people don't want to hear that, they want to hear "read this book, it will change your life".


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

username77 said:


> ......The fact is, once a man gets near his 40's his personality is largely what it is. Reversing bad habits is going to be a mountain to climb and a lot of hard work. Getting to the gym is great, but it's not a panacea. If a man isn't happy with himself, he can expect years of hard work to change his station and outlook. Most people don't want to hear that, they want to hear "read this book, it will change your life".


Odd, after reading it in my early 60's and some other books, I dramatically changed my life and attitudes.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

Young at Heart said:


> Odd, after reading it in my early 60's and some other books, I dramatically changed my life and attitudes.


Profound and lifelong emotional growth typically doesn't happen from a few chapters out of a self-help book. If reading this book led to dramatic and lasting changes in your life, and you witnessed significant emotional growth that would be the exception not the norm. The type of transformation promised in a book like this would typically take a lot of honest work to not simply fall back into similar routines.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

username77 said:


> Profound and lifelong emotional growth typically doesn't happen from a few chapters out of a self-help book. If reading this book led to dramatic and lasting changes in your life, and you witnessed significant emotional growth that would be the exception not the norm. The type of transformation promised in a book like this would typically take a lot of honest work to not simply fall back into similar routines.


I agree. I read a large number of relationship books, tried to see where each might offer a partial insight, and did a lot of introspection.

We can change ourself at any age, if we are both motivated and dedicated to self change.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Maturity is probably what causes the willingness to change.

Ihave read through most of nmmng.

While there are some things that seem good it seemed very repetive.

Just an ok book. 

Think i'll look for hold on to your nuts to read next.


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

chillymorn69 said:


> Maturity is probably what causes the willingness to change.
> 
> Ihave read through most of nmmng.
> 
> ...


I think it helps, maybe you don’t institute 100% of it but you realize the need for change and your own complacency. More books and introspection after that and your goal is being the best you. I took-a peek over at those crazy kids doing the Married Red Pill and they read the same exact books with the same goal, I was actually surprised. I too need to order ‘Hold onto Your Nuts’

Cheers,
V(13)
Still learning.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I read NMMNG and it was truly a waste of time for me. It oversimplified and over generalized behaviors into simpleton levels. 

But, knowing what I know about psychology I reserve the right to be sceptical... Most self help books are well intended but the devil is in the details.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

chillymorn69 said:


> ....Ihave read through most of nmmng.
> 
> While there are some things that seem good it seemed very repetive.
> 
> ...


We are all unique, all you should hope for is a few insights per book. The trick is then integrating your insights into an action plan for changing yourself.

My suggestion for a next book would be MW Davis, The Sex Starved Marriage or Divorce Busting.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> We are all unique, all you should hope for is a few insights per book. The trick is then integrating your insights into an action plan for changing yourself.
> 
> My suggestion for a next book would be MW Davis, The Sex Starved Marriage or Divorce Busting.


Read them already.:grin2:


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I found it helpful - your mileage may vary. 

In general, when someone reads a book that *really* applies to them, they go one of two ways: they are either a strong convert and say it's the best thing ever, or they do the opposite and say what a badly written load of nonsense it is.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I think any self help books really work when the people that are reading them are in a natural transition phase in their live. So if you're going through something major and seeking answers/changes you are far more likely to get value out of the books than if you read them at other times.


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