# My thoughts tonight



## striker711 (Nov 8, 2012)

Dang, I just do not feel like this is gonna end. I have not slept right in 8 months now. I am tired of leaning on Tam and other people and I sometimes I wonder if I am normal. Other people get through this so why am I being such a weeny. 

I have read, a lot about men in my age group that got together young and are now going through a divorce, and the con census seems to be that we did not develop our lives on our own first. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "you have to be happy on your own". Now I have to try to do this and I am trying but really do not know how to do this. It is tough when you always had someone at your side. I am truly trying to move forward but I feel paralyzed much of the time. I am sure that I try to figure it out in my head way too much. It just runs all of the time though. 

I run through every emotion every day. Lost love, hate, resentment, loliness, anger, wondering about my future, laughter, indifference, not caring, bitterness, etc. I want contentment, love, true laughter, and joy again. I know that someday it will be this way again, but I can tell you I cannot imagine it. These are all signs of depression but I do not think over all I am a depressed person normally. I just want to get over this and move on, but I am not there yet. Again dang. 

I have read a lot about "manning up" and moving on, but again I think I read too much. It wasn't meant to be and I just have to accept that at some point. LOL still trying to do that. 

I am fine, nothing is different, and tomorrow is another day I just felt like writing my thoughts out tonight. Mostly they are the same as any other night. 

POO

I do need to move on somehow.


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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Something died. You have the right to grieve it. 'Manning up' as you call it will come on its own once you have grieved and gotten that out if your system. You will be ok. Love is gonna find you again. Big hugs.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Well I'm only at the 4 month mark, but I go through the gamut of emotions you described. If your a weeny then I guess we need to join together and form a club. 

Someday's I feel strong and then some days it just hits me out of nowhere. I think the answer is it just it takes a lot of time.


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## TNman (Dec 24, 2012)

Well same boat here. Run through all the emotions on a near daily basis. It is so difficult to lose everything that is emotionally meaningful in your life due to actions by someone you love/loved. I know that I just have to accept that I can't do anything about it and must move on. Good luck to all of you.


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## striker711 (Nov 8, 2012)

TNman said:


> Well same boat here. Run through all the emotions on a near daily basis. *It is so difficult to lose everything that is emotionally meaningful in your life due to actions by someone you love/loved.* I know that I just have to accept that I can't do anything about it and must move on. Good luck to all of you.


I will say that one line pretty much sums up where all of the pain comes from. I have never being able to put it into one sentence before. Nice job. 

Time has to make this better it is just a truly long road to get there, and it is exhausting.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Everyone is different, striker. It is a death, and in order to recover, you'll need to go through the grieving process. But there are things about divorce that are recognized as being even tougher than the death of a spouse, so it's all normal.

As long as you are trying to work through your feelings, and at the same time, working on moving forward and making a future for yourself, things will get better in time. It's not a linear process, either: lots of forwards and backwards.


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## husbandinneed0910 (Jun 26, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## husbandinneed0910 (Jun 26, 2012)

I feel we are in the same boat. Wish I could see what the future holds for both of us
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MisterRitter (Sep 1, 2012)

I understand how you feel. At first I couldn't even function, and I wonder if I am just deluding myself when sometimes I feel good. But as time goes on it seems to be actually happening. I am sure people all proceed along the path to recovery at different paces. The key is to just keep trying and have confidence it will get better.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I like the others am with you. This is the harest thing I've ever dealt with in my life. I have fears of the unknown and the loneliness can get overwhelming. TNmans quote is indeed right on. If we could just wave the magic 'time' wand and get our healed fix now right? I'm starting over at 46 soon to be 47 in feb...like wow dude. I do feel ya. 

We...all of us are going to get through this. Yanno we may be on the net...with sig names and all but what we share with each other is real...my point is we have each other. We come here for support and advice and in a lot of cases friendship building...your not alone. 
You count and your validated...and I feel...literally feel what you feel. 

So take a bit back from me as well ...we're gonna get through this and were gonna HEAL!


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

Striker read co-dependent no more.

Educate your self

Are you in IC?

Get in shape, mentally and physically.

These are a must.

I am around the 4 mnth mark, i think, i stopped counting the days.

This stuff really works, you must gain your confidence and self respect back.


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## striker711 (Nov 8, 2012)

Ok everyone I am going to wave the magic "time wand", blink, and we are ok. I wish. Just a joke on my part. 

LOL.

Seriously, thanks for all of the support you people give on here. I hope that all of our futures work out. 

Stella Moon your post is right on point. All of it. I want to Heal as well. Thanks


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## striker711 (Nov 8, 2012)

HiRoad said:


> Striker read co-dependent no more.
> 
> Educate your self
> 
> ...


HiRoad, 
I have never been able to find that post on co-dependent no more, where is it. I have heard a lot about it.

I am trying to educate myself, and learn from this.

I did IC for a while and it helped. The problem is I know what I need to do, I just do not know how to do it yet.

I am working on the mental part, I am physically fit at least. Actually I am trying to not lose weight right now. I am eating right and just starting to work out again. I need to gain weight surprisely enough.

Some how I have not been able to stop counting the days yet. may 6 she left, sept 6 she stopped counseling, nov 6 she decided on divorce. I know she has no clue about the dates these things happened, but I do. I find it ironic that they all happened on the 6th of a month. 

Again I am working toward gaining my confidence and self respect back. It is really hard after all of her nasty words to me though.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

It's a book, Striker. Should be available at many libraries, but if not, it's on Amazon, B&N, etc. You can probably find a used copy on Alibris, etc.

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself: Melody Beattie: 9780894864025: Amazon.com: Books


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

striker711 said:


> HiRoad,
> I have never been able to find that post on co-dependent no more, where is it. I have heard a lot about it.
> 
> I am trying to educate myself, and learn from this.
> ...



Get back into IC.

Quit banging your head against the wall, as it is said in the bible;

_Matthew 13:12 Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.. _

Get yourself out of pain, detatch 

You climb a mountain one step at a time, one foot after the other.

Imagine your self in the under a apple tree, you pick an apple, bite into it and it is rotten. Now your crying, winning, complaining, feeling guilty, for picking this rotten apple, when all the while there are soo many more apples ripe in the tree ready to be eaten. You just wont let go of the rotten apple and pick another. 

Let go and you will find your peace.


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