# Are you happy that you married your spouse?



## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Are you happy that you married your spouse? Would you do it over with the same person? To feel it was the wrong decision to get married?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Being that I am now divorced from her the obvious answer is no. We made a beautiful daughter and together we raised her and her son from a previous marriage. I wouldn't trade that for the world. BUT, she decided she no longer wanted to be married, so for that reason I am not happy I married her. I thought I had picked a winner and we lasted 24 years. At the same time I realize that I had become very unhappy with my marriage, especially towards the end. But early on I often felt as though I was taken for granted. My feelings and desires were never given the consideration I needed to feel validated within the marriage. I almost died and decided to become self-employed so that I could be an active and engaged dad - something else I wouldn't trade. No one ever went without, we went on vacations, travelled, put the kids thru school, allowed the kids to explore who they wanted to be so they could become who they wanted to be etc etc. But my decision was never supported and often criticized because I "didn't have a real job" (apparently meaning I needed to work for someone else and get a paycheck). When we did go on vacation it was always to wherever she wanted to go, seldom to anyplace I wanted to go. No matter how much I gave or how much I did it was never enough. I almost felt cuckolded, as if my whole existence was to work so that she could enjoy. Yea, I do regret marrying her. I wish I had chosen a woman who actually wanted to be partners instead of one who wanted a servant who's sole purpose on this earth was to make her happy. 
Sorry for the rant, just letting some steam off.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Ynot said:


> Being that I am now divorced from her the obvious answer is no. We made a beautiful daughter and together we raised her and her son from a previous marriage. I wouldn't trade that for the world. BUT, she decided she no longer wanted to be married, so for that reason I am not happy I married her. I thought I had picked a winner and we lasted 24 years. At the same time I realize that I had become very unhappy with my marriage, especially towards the end. But early on I often felt as though I was taken for granted. My feelings and desires were never given the consideration I needed to feel validated within the marriage. I almost died and decided to become self-employed so that I could be an active and engaged dad - something else I wouldn't trade. No one ever went without, we went on vacations, travelled, put the kids thru school, allowed the kids to explore who they wanted to be so they could become who they wanted to be etc etc. But my decision was never supported and often criticized because I "didn't have a real job" (apparently meaning I needed to work for someone else and get a paycheck). When we did go on vacation it was always to wherever she wanted to go, seldom to anyplace I wanted to go. No matter how much I gave or how much I did it was never enough. I almost felt cuckolded, as if my whole existence was to work so that she could enjoy. Yea, I do regret marrying her. I wish I had chosen a woman who actually wanted to be partners instead of one who wanted a servant who's sole purpose on this earth was to make her happy.
> Sorry for the rant, just letting some steam off.


Very similar to some of my situational issues (aside from the kids). Since I am self-employed, I receive little support or appreciation in my marriage. She's hates that I am able to pick my own hours and that I do not answer to anyone. However, she has no issues with me paying for our lifestyle.

Now, getting her out of the home is going to be the fun part. Atty said he'll handle it. He's one of the best in NY. Said the financial damage will be minimal since the marriage is so short and there is nothing commingled. I truly loved when she told her parents she's had it, and is just building up the strength to leave. Yet, her dad said (was in the other room, their place), she's had it with me and the marriage is dead. STBX was shocked at what he said, and they were going back and forth on why the marriage cannot be saved. Totally a weird situation. She knows, she's not telling them the whole truth, that is why she had that reaction. For example, as dumb as this is. She was watching TV at 11pm, I had to get up at 5am for work. I asked her to lower the volume as it was blasting. She to me to put on earplugs. Requested it again to be lowered. She replied, I said, then I will disconnect the TV so I can get to sleep and wake up in five hours. She lowered the TV (I know, I am a monster). She turned the conversation around saying that I demanded her to lower the TV at 9:30PM, and it was already on a very low setting (Vol. 5). It was on 23, but okay. She did this to get their sympathy. The other thing was the dad (seems) to like me, so I went to his birthday party the other day. She told her mom she really didn't want me there, but since her dad did, it's fine. Everything she says, it's just two polar opposites. I just couldn't take it anymore, so I filed for divorce. I will NEVER, EVER marry again. This has been a pure nightmare, but I am still upset at the failure of the marriage. She turned into a different person after marriage.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I won the wife Powerball.

She provides everything I need and more than I could ever deserve in a thousand lifetimes.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

I love my husband very much and have a hard time picturing life with anyone else. We have our ups and downs like all married couples, but at the end of the day we not only love each other but treat each other respectfully and have compatible views on everything. I admire my husband a lot and really appreciate that there are few like him.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

@Celes ...its amazing what something so easy to do, like treating those you love with simple kindness and respect, provides in a relationship.

It makes the difference between disagreements and fights, arguments and talks. Kindness makes it easy to disagree without there being any change to the love you feel or the tone of your voice. 

Life, like relationships, become infinitely easier and more fulfilling when we can come from a place of understanding that everyone is moving through their life...just trying to do their best.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I'd do it again without a doubt. My wife has not only been my life partner but my biggest supporter. I only question who enjoyed the ride more.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

My first wife, I very much regret marrying her. This time, I couldn't be happier or better matched.


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

I am very happy and consider myself one of the luckiest women on the planet to have found such a man who loves me. Marrying him was by far the best decision that I've ever made.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I would in a heartbeat but with a girl from my village, who would welcome the opportunity to come to America and live the high life... My current and hopefully soon to end marriage to someone three continents away has too many gotcha factors...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I really don't believe another man could have put up with me -and been happy to do so... as easily & willingly as my husband has all these years....

There are times I've wondered what my life would have been like had we not met, and I was with another... this forum, it's stories, have been very eye opening to me to the various marital struggles so many face on a daily basis, when love languages are off, when communication is strained, when a couple finds they want different things down the road.. 

The truth is... I don't think I could live another lifetime and find another as compatible with me.. as my husband is... 

Though if it was possible.. I would reach back into our past & re-live some things... especially on MY behalf... but YES.. so very thankful we found each other & tied that knot all those years ago...


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Whatever the future holds for us, he has profoundly impacted me in a positive way. 

I am so grateful to have him in my life. Let alone as my husband.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I have my fair share of regrets where my marriage is concerned, but my choice of spouse isn't among them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

I am happy to hear that the people who are happily married. However, I feel many are the exception, not the rule. Granted, I am a bit jaded due to my present situation.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Very unhappy now - major regrets after 15 years that I married someone with the maturity of a 14 year old. Worst part is these feelings came after the kids came along - I actually can't stand being around her anymore. Very lazy, loves to nag over little things, thinks that we have a machine that just prints money, cusses in front of the kids.

Only reason that I stay is to maintain my influence with the kids. I try to keep active with them, play with them, etc. She'd rather sit on her duff playing her computer games while the kids play downstairs and the dishes stay piled up in the sink because she's too lazy to empty the dishwasher. 

Needless to say, I'm burned out. Talking to her is like talking to a middle school girl - sad thing is that she's proud that she acts that way.


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

Almost-Done said:


> Are you happy that you married your spouse? Would you do it over with the same person? To feel it was the wrong decision to get married?


Yes I am, but I wished I knew then what I know now. I would have done things differently, better.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Since we started dating, I have woken up every morning thinking how blessed and lucky I am. He's not perfect, I'm not perfect, and we both have the healthy mindset about our imperfections and embrace them, laugh together about them. This is the most mature and complete love I have experienced in my life and I will be sure to take great care of it.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

After this past week and after finally starting my thread, I regret marrying my wife. I have been a POS before getting married and again now. I have wasted 23 years of her life. She does not want to leave me, so I only pray that after following the advice offered to me here, that I can make her happy in her remaining years.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

WhyMe66 said:


> Yes I am, but I wished I knew then what I know now. I would have done things differently, better.


:iagree:

Jeez Why. That is so so true. For many of us. I regret 23 years of what I know could have been a much better marriage and that I could have made my wife so much happier.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

after many years of going through bad relationships, bad matches and just plain dealing with people with too many issues, i finally struck gold.
waited till my fifth decade, but better late than never, right?

in reflecting back over the years, i think it comes down to finding someone who has inward happiness. some people are just basically unhappy.
they can fake it and be happy for a while, but they don't have that basic inward happiness. it just takes too much to make them happy, keep them happy 
and any life tests or struggles gets them down. i'd been through too much of that. and sometimes you find that out only after years.

finally, i found my gal that understands what real love is, because it comes naturally to her. her smile could light up an entire city block.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I am very happily married. The only issue we have is that my wife is LD and I am HD, but I can deal with that. We have a great marriage and two wonderful daughters that I love dearly. Our 20th anniversary is next month and we are planning a getaway for just the two of us.


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Jeez Why. That is so so true. For many of us. I regret 23 years of what I know could have been a much better marriage and that I could have made my wife so much happier.


I used to think that as long as I had a pulse there was always a chance. Now, I'm not so sure...


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

I will never marry again......I am capable of having monogamous long term relationships that may even last the rest of my life but I will never encumber myself with the chains of marriage. I feel marriage makes it too easy to stop trying in the relationship. Right now either one of us can walk away if we're not happy. Keeps everyone on their toes.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

We are going to be married 24 years in May:smile2:. 

I am so happy I married this man. I love him more today than I did when we first met. I always say, it's due to my H's good nature that we have been married so long. My H deserves a gold metal for putting up with my moodiness for so many years.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Add to my post above that I wouldn't have said what I did before the kids came along - however, while they are the cutest things ever (yes, I'm biased) and I love them infinitely, they put a major toll on our marriage through no fault of their own (and I'm certainly not without blame for anything). All of a sudden, my wife became a major nag (only with me, not with anyone else) to the point where I can't even drive without her getting on me about where to park - the other night she made a stink about how I was dressing one of the kids for bed. If anyone else was dressing the kids, she'd be fine, but it's me so I'm not smart enough to know how to put on PJ's. 

As stated above, I'm totally burned out and don't even care anymore. I take the kids out by myself so that we can have fun without Mommy complaining about where Daddy parks the car, what we're doing, etc. Interesting how I can have them by myself all day and take them to do fun things and we'll be fine, while if she goes anywhere with them, she needs an entourage of friends to go with her and is still stressed out from having them, but I'm the idiot that can't do anything right while she's the smart one. She takes them to visit her family, and if I can't go with her due to work, she comes home in a foul mood (if I go with her, she's fine). I take the kids to visit my family without her (much easier that way), and all is well.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

I know some of the posters say HD and LD, what about ND?? I still feel that was what started the ball rolling down the hill. Things just got worse and worse once she went from HD (dating phase) -> LD (engagement / marriage phase) -> ND (current phase). Add that to the other issues, it's was like a colossal mind fvck that seemed like the move groundhogs day, day after day. Pure mental hell.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

The answer to the OP's original question for me is an absolute yes. I married my best friend and soul mate, and we have been together for nearly 19-1/2 years. I think the longer I have been with her the happier I've gotten. She is an absolutely wonderful woman who has stuck with me through thick and thin, no matter what life has thrown at us. It hasn't always been easy, either. I hope to spend the rest of my life with her.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

DH and I have been married for 16 years. I've never gotten over the can't wait to see him, think about him all the time, light up when he walks in the room phase. I am so ridiculously in love with the man I couldn't imagine life without him. I don't regret loving and marrying him for a single second.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

My answer is obviously no. I made a very poor decision about who to marry and I think the main reason is that I felt pressured by family members. There was all kinds of things being said that since I was among the remaining few cousins from my mom's large family there must be some reason such as I was irresponsibile or only thought of myself that was causing it. It caused me to be more motivated than I should have been to just finally get married. Although at the time it really seemed like the thing to do, there were things about her that I didn't know until it was too late or that she lied about that made matters alot worse. Her personality also changed completly after we were married so I felt she was only putting on a show beforehand. There were things that I should have recognized that should have been red lights that I decided weren't that big a deal. My approach would be totally different now if I had it to do over again. Of course back then I was just a dumb kid and I didn't know any better.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> My answer is obviously no. I made a very poor decision about who to marry and I think the main reason is that I felt pressured by family members. There was all kinds of things being said that since I was among the remaining few cousins from my mom's large family there must be some reason such as I was irresponsibile or only thought of myself that was causing it. It caused me to be more motivated than I should have been to just finally get married. Although at the time it really seemed like the thing to do, there were things about her that I didn't know until it was too late or that she lied about that made matters alot worse. Her personality also changed completly after we were married so I felt she was only putting on a show beforehand. There were things that I should have recognized that should have been red lights that I decided weren't that big a deal. My approach would be totally different now if I had it to do over again. Of course back then I was just a dumb kid and I didn't know any better.


Well said - I felt some pressure as my one close friend that I hung out with finally got a GF and got married, so figured if I didn't get off my rear, I'd be 50 years old sitting in my house by myself with nothing to do. Early on I liked spending time with her and her divorce didn't bother me (her ex initiated it by telling her he didn't love her anymore). Wish I could have contacted him to see why he divorced her - may have learned something.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> DH and I have been married for 16 years. I've never gotten over the can't wait to see him, think about him all the time, light up when he walks in the room phase. I am so ridiculously in love with the man I couldn't imagine life without him. I don't regret loving and marrying him for a single second.


DW and I have been married for 19-1/2 years. I've never gotten over the can't wait to see her, think about her all the time, light up when she walks in the room phase. I am so ridiculously in love with the woman I couldn't imagine life without her. I don't regret loving and marrying her for a single second.

Sorry, MJJEAN! That's exactly how I feel, so I just copied what you posted, and made the necessary changes. I hope you don't mind!


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

My husband and I will be married 30 years later this year. I can't imagine anyone else that could make me as happy as he does. I really don't know how I ended up with such a great guy. He's kind, loving, generous, compassionate, a good provider, a great dad, etc., I could go on and on. We are together 24/7. We work together and go home together every day. We enjoy it - never had a problem from spending so much time together. I have the utmost respect for my husband. Working with him has actually made me respect him even more. I can't imagine my life without him. It is very scary to even think of that. I hope that time doesn't come for a very long time.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Luvher4life said:


> Sorry, MJJEAN! That's exactly how I feel, so I just copied what you posted, and made the necessary changes. I hope you don't mind!


That's so sweet! I love hearing about other people who get googly eyed at their long term mates!


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Nope. I'm divorcing her after 8 years. Good riddance!


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i think it's a great consolation to those who had (have) bad marriages, but had kids that they love.

i've known many a number of people divorced or unhappy in bad marriages, but i never heard ANY of them say they
regretted having their kids. good things often come about even from bad circumstances.
that old adage was never more true in situations like these.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

jorgegene said:


> i think it's a great consolation to those who had (have) bad marriages, but had kids that they love.
> 
> i've known many a number of people divorced or unhappy in bad marriages, but i never heard ANY of them say they
> regretted having their kids. good things often come about even from bad circumstances.
> that old adage was never more true in situations like these.


Don't necessarily disagree, but our marriage seemed fine until the kids arrived - then my wife's immaturity really stuck out like a sore thumb, and her insecurities (which manifested itself in her nagging me) just exploded exponentially. I'm at fault for not biting back like I should have early on (I've always had this fear of my mouth running ahead of my brain, resulting in saying something I shouldn't, plus I tried to show her that things didn't bother me and shouldn't bother her - didn't work, obviously). I don't even look forward to seeing her when I get home (I always look forward to seeing the kids) - chances are she sitting on her rearend having a snack while the house is a mess.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

MarriedDude said:


> @Celes ...its amazing what something so easy to do, like treating those you love with simple kindness and respect, provides in a relationship.
> 
> It makes the difference between disagreements and fights, arguments and talks. Kindness makes it easy to disagree without there being any change to the love you feel or the tone of your voice.
> 
> Life, like relationships, become infinitely easier and more fulfilling when we can come from a place of understanding that everyone is moving through their life...just trying to do their best.


Definitely! I remember years ago, when I was engaged to my ex. I went to get my hair done and always saw the same hair dresser (I had booked her for my wedding too). That day, she told me how she was divorcing. I was surprised, because it normally sounded like she was happy. She then explained to me how they had a good marriage in the beginning, but disrespect made it's way into the marriage. And that once respect is lost, the marriage crumbles and to really think about that before I get married.

And it did make me wonder, because at the time my ex was starting to disrespect me. I was definitely worried after she said that but didn't do much about it. She was right though, the disrespect kept coming and was worse and eventually I decided enough was enough, and I could not marry someone who treated me that way. However he acted in the beginning wasn't who he really was. 

That is why I am big on mutual respect in a marriage. No name calling, no yelling, no bad mouthing each other to others. I waited a few years before marrying my husband to make sure we communicated and argued in healthy ways. We've only been married 2 years, together for 5, so I'm not going to claim a successful marriage or anything. But so far, so good.


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

My chief disappointment is financial incompatibility. Life might have been better for me if I'd been able to find someone more on the same page. A single income with no relief in sight...all stress and no money for anything fun either. Last vacation was in 2008.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Yes, very happy I married my wife.
It's not perfect, but nothing is.
My biggest disappointment is that it will all end one day.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I saw this thread and my initial thought was it did not apply to be. I almost had to remember that I was married and only divorced in November. It is possible to get over a bad marriage and for it to become past.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Yes.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

My clear answer was no. I picked a bad woman and some of that was on me. I don't know if I would ever take the plunge again.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

john117 said:


> I would in a heartbeat but *with a girl from my village, *who would welcome the opportunity to come to America and live the high life... My current and hopefully soon to end marriage to someone three continents away has too many gotcha factors...


This is so sad, John, but so true in hindsight. I think you would have been much happier sticking with someone from a similar background.

Dug told me early on that even though we grew up on different continents, I could have been a girl from his village. We are both from lower middle class rural Catholic families, both had sahms, both had dads who pushed education. It makes marriage easier the more you have in common.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Would I marry my current spouse again? No. My gut feeling was to break things off long ago and I did not follow that feeling. 

At the same time, I have learned a lot from this relationship and I am making the effort to try and make this work. She just has a lot of childhood and previous marriage baggage that she can't seem to work out. The constant lows combined with the drama is almost more than I can bear.

Good to hear there are so many people who look forward to seeing their SO and the future together.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I'm very happy in my marriage and love my wife - except for a serious LD/HD problem. That just creates a background of frustration and resentment on what otherwise would be a wonderful marriage.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Yes. Nuff said


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

My first husband I am happily divorced from  

My current SO I am extremely happily committed to. We are an amazing match and even our challenges end up being positive. I still get butterflies when we kiss, I cannot wait to see him at the end of the day and if I am home first I always greet him at the door with a hug and a kiss. 
He is "Mr Perfect For Me".


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## smootholddog896 (Apr 13, 2016)

I think you're an Asexual that got married for security and companionship versus love lust and desire .... I know I married to the same woman.


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## MisterJinx (Apr 13, 2016)

I know this is really basic, but is there a list somewhere of what the various acronyms commonly used on here refer to? I can infer what most of them mean, but I don't know what HD/LD refer to. Many thanks.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

jld said:


> This is so sad, John, but so true in hindsight. I think you would have been much happier sticking with someone from a similar background.
> 
> Dug told me early on that even though we grew up on different continents, I could have been a girl from his village. We are both from lower middle class rural Catholic families, both had sahms, both had dads who pushed education. It makes marriage easier the more you have in common.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea, the thing that kills me is that some of the chicks we fooled around with back there now look wonderful, and they're my age. A lot of their kids are in their mid late 29's, full of life but not the academic types. I don't know, my brother got married to a village girl who went to law school and never worked.. Not a success story marriage either.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> My answer is obviously no. I made a very poor decision about who to marry and I think the main reason is that I felt pressured by family members. There was all kinds of things being said that since I was among the remaining few cousins from my mom's large family there must be some reason such as I was irresponsibile or only thought of myself that was causing it. It caused me to be more motivated than I should have been to just finally get married. Although at the time it really seemed like the thing to do, there were things about her that I didn't know until it was too late or that she lied about that made matters alot worse. Her personality also changed completly after we were married so I felt she was only putting on a show beforehand. There were things that I should have recognized that should have been red lights that I decided weren't that big a deal. My approach would be totally different now if I had it to do over again. Of course back then I was just a dumb kid and I didn't know any better.


....Yea, my red light radar wasn't working so hot when I decided to get married as well.....Not going to make that mistake again....No more marriage for me...She is cool with that as well so it's all good.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

MisterJinx said:


> I know this is really basic, but is there a list somewhere of what the various acronyms commonly used on here refer to? I can infer what most of them mean, but I don't know what HD/LD refer to. Many thanks.


HD/LD = High vs Low libito/desire/drive. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/464-common-message-board-abbreviations-acronyms.html

Best


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Holland said:


> My first husband I am happily divorced from
> 
> My current SO I am extremely happily committed to. We are an amazing match and even our challenges end up being positive. I still get butterflies when we kiss, I cannot wait to see him at the end of the day and if I am home first I always greet him at the door with a hug and a kiss.
> He is "Mr Perfect For Me".


Wow that would be rally nice to come home to smile2:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

On behalf of my W, if she had to do it again, she would most definitely marry me :grin2:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Almost-Done said:


> Are you happy that you married your spouse? Would you do it over with the same person? To feel it was the wrong decision to get married?


Yes. Yes. No

However, if my W were to pass(God forbid) before me I would not marry again.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

smootholddog896 said:


> I think you're an Asexual that got married for security and companionship versus love lust and desire .... I know I married to the same woman.


Not asexual. I didnt get married for security or companionship. I got marrie to a woman who was, at the time, very loving and supportive. She, in all essencse, was my right hand. Things started to change about a year into marriage. She actually changed After we got married into a whole nother person. I was delighted to find a woman that was everything that I wanted. Why she changed, don't know. It is a secret. However, the name calling, couldn't care less if I was dead or alive attitude and cussing; I just couldn't take it. Done (sadly).


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