# Lying to a spouse.....



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

So even though marriage is supposed to be based on the truth; to me if you have a spouse who has OCD or totally over-reacts to things like my wife does, then there are times they need to be lied to in order to protect them from themselves. Anyone else have to do this with their spouses when you feel like you're forced to?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Cee Paul said:


> So even though marriage is supposed to be based on the truth; to me if you have a spouse who has OCD or totally over-reacts to things like my wife does, then there are times they need to be lied to in order to protect them from themselves. Anyone else have to do this with their spouses when you feel like you're forced to?


I never lie to protect someone from themselves. That said, I have lied in past relationships to protect me from the sh!tstorm of abuse and controlling behaviour from my abusive spouse. I just didn't want to deal with the lectures and fights because I chose to buy some insignificant grocery item that I wanted or he didn't think I needed or something equally as dumb. But I own it. I was protecting me only and by handling things that way, failed to truly address the problem and give the chance for the marriage to gain a healthy dynamic. I don't know if things could have changed but they didn't stand a chance because of my failure to stand up for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yep, liek golfergirl I have lied in the past to protect myself. 

Like when my husband told me that he would kill me and my family I left him. I got very careful about what I told him.

When he told me that he would kill me if I put anything on the credit card, I got a PO Box and had the bills go there. I was the sole support for the family and running a business. I needed to card to even out cash flow some times. 

I only did this type of lying until I could safely leave with our son. It's a defense mechanism.

Other than that, I just do not lie no matter the reason. Lies back fire.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Cee Paul said:


> So even though marriage is supposed to be based on the truth; to me if you have a spouse who has OCD or totally over-reacts to things like my wife does, then there are times they need to be lied to in order to protect them from themselves. Anyone else have to do this with their spouses when you feel like you're forced to?


I believe people are responsible for their own actions and so I don't lean toward protecting them from themselves.

What are some examples when you feel like you are "forced to"?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I would leave the marriage if it came down to where I had to protect myself. I can't live in a marriage where I'd need to lie. I would hate to be in a marriage where my partner felt the need to lie, plus it would betray my trust. It's so much better to tackle the problems instead of sweeping them under a rug.

My youngest has slight OCD behaviors. Everything needs to be put in it's place.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

I would say I've probably done more of the "lying by omission" kind of thing to avoid the fallout of his overreaction to things. For instance, I accidentally rear ended someone at low speed taking off at a stoplight. There was no damage to the other vehicle. My bumper had very faint scratches in one spot. We didn't call the police or anything. I never told my H because I didn't want to hear the lecture of how irresponsible I am and how the car is leased and we can't turn it in with damages and on and on. I worked on it with a bit of car polish and it's barely noticeable. 

I did get "caught" going to IC without telling him. He blew a gasket, said I should've called and asked him first. Demanded to know everything we talked about. Very ugly conversation. Sad that I feel that I have to hide these kinds of things from him.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Openminded said:


> I believe people are responsible for their own actions and so I don't lean toward protecting them from themselves.
> 
> What are some examples when you feel like you are "forced to"?


Like for instance taking the trash out to the garage the other night, a can fell out and spilled a little bit of juice on the floor of the garage and I quickly cleaned it all up with no evidence left behind. My wife who has extreme OCD heard it and asked me if anything spilled out and of course I had to lie, otherwise she would freak out and be out there all night trying to make sure it was thoroughly cleaned up. But the average person would just do what I did and wipe it up and have it all over and done with, and this is just one small example about all of the lies I have to tell that pertain to her OCD.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Do what you gotta do in your case.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

My answer today is a lot different than my answers years ago. 

I once felt that the truth was always best. I believed that the truth might be painful, but it wasn't my job to protect another adult from it. I also believed that people were generally good. 

Today, my beliefs have shifted. I no longer believe people just "make mistakes" when they're hurtful. I've recognized that sometimes people are so self-serving that they *will* not attempt to recognize their own contributions to problems, and some will even go so far as to knowingly cause hurt. I cannot and will not accept explanations these days.

This recognition has forced me to make a choice between full honesty and self-care at times. I've been in situations like Elegirl, not where my life was at stake if I was honest, but where financial stability was. I've had to fight court cases against unscrupulous people, and I've learned to play the game. I don't like it, but I will do it if the alternative brings harm to me. 

The question then becomes how much harm... 

My husband gets mad at me because I throw away stuff that he didn't want thrown out. Now, I'm not talking about things that have any special meaning. I'm talking about a 3-week old newspaper or a piece of junk mail he was interested in, that I had no idea held something he wanted to refer back to. 

Should I just say I don't know what happened to it in order to avoid an argument? I don't. I tell him, he gets mad, and I stand my ground that if it's important to him, put it someplace or let me know to keep it. 

BUT... If I thought he would hold a grudge for weeks, I'd probably say I didn't know what happened to it.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> My wife who has extreme OCD heard it and asked me if anything spilled out and of course *I had to lie*


While this seems like such a minor and insignificant issue, you don't have to lie. It seems petty to me, but I don't know your wife. How would it have impacted YOU if you told her the truth? In my opinion, that might be the real motivation.

I will admit - lying is huge pet peeve for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

YinPrincess said:


> While this seems like such a minor and insignificant issue, you don't have to lie. It seems petty to me, but I don't know your wife. How would it have impacted YOU if you told her the truth? In my opinion, that might be the real motivation.
> 
> I will admit - lying is huge pet peeve for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ummm for one thing she would be out in the garage for a 1/2 hour worrying about nothing, so I saved her a lot of unecessary worrying and fussing. Because when someone is a constant worry wort then it kind of backs all of those around you into a corner, which in return makes people HAVE to lie to you so that you won't worry over nothing.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Here's my take on lying:

One lie leads to another lie..and another lie leads to yet another.

Better to tell the truth as then..you'll never have to change your story..


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I would leave the marriage if it came down to where I had to protect myself. I can't live in a marriage where I'd need to lie. I would hate to be in a marriage where my partner felt the need to lie, plus it would betray my trust. It's so much better to tackle the problems instead of sweeping them under a rug.


Sometimes a person cannot leave a marriage even if they do not feel safe. 

I did try to leave with our son. My attorney told me to get an apartment and move out with our son so that I was safe.

But I ended up with a judge who hated women (a female judge). She was known for always siding with the husband. My then husband had his attorney call an emergency meetting with the judge. I explained about the threats and abuse. The judge then told me to stop lying. That I had no right to remove our son from the family home. She ordered our son back to live with his father. She then said that since my ex was a doctor she could not allow anything negative about him in public records so she had the divorce papers I filed sealed.

At that point I basically was losing custody of my son to an abusive man who was also abusive to our son.

So to protect my son I dropped the divorce and moved back into the our house with my then husband. It took me 4 more years to build up the case I needed to be able to leave and to get my ex to allow me to move out with our son.

So it's nice to say that you would leave if you were not safe. But that's in a perfect world where judges do not order children to move back in with their abusive father. We do not live in a perfedt world unfortunately.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Ummm for one thing she would be out in the garage for a 1/2 hour worrying about nothing, so I saved her a lot of unecessary worrying and fussing. Because when someone is a constant worry wort then it kind of backs all of those around you into a corner, which in return makes people HAVE to lie to you so that you won't worry over nothing.


Cee paul I have OCD and I am against lying. FYI I have never backed anyone against a corner just because I worry. I'm sorry you feel you had to lie to your wife but frankly it was your choice to do so. No one has ever lied to me about a trivial... and yes an OCD person is saying trivial thing such as a drink being spilt. If it was cleaned up, no biggy. Accidents happen. I have been lied to about bigger issues however because of this... "Had to protect her" attitude and frankly it pissed me the hell off. I prefer to be told about an issue WHEN it happens and not later. Later I'll be even more peeved about it because I wasn't told sooner. 

I'm a full grown woman and don't need protecting from anything. I hate when people feel they need to protect me... when in reality they don't. It's more for their benefit and not mine imo. Like another poster said.. it's more them protecting themselves.


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## justforfun1222 (Feb 6, 2013)

All the time, my husband always over reacts.. I don't tell him anything to do with my kids anymore! I just get tired of the dirty looks he gives them and me, and the pouting.. a grown man really!


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## leegmoser (Mar 11, 2013)

Below are the signs and behaviours of someone who is not quite telling the truth. Be on the lookout if your man or woman is exhibiting these behaviours- they just may be lying to you!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yup, my H never tells me the truth about how much my budget is! He says keep it under ----- and I go just over-----. I also don't tell him the truth when I hire contractors for various repair jobs. He always wants me to call around, shop around, get prices, haggle the cost... I call a trusted neighbor who has a trusted list and that guy gets the job. Then I tell my H he originally wanted xyz but I offered (the actual amount of the bill) and H is happy that I followed his plan and H feels like the money spent was not too much or too outrageous. 

He knows I will go over so he under budgets me to account for it. And he has probably figured out that I don't haggle because I hate doing it, and frankly so does he which is why that job lands on me, so he doesn't question.

A few years ago H got laid off and during our budget meeting he told me we had --- in the savings to tide us over till he got a new job. Well it turned out we actually had quite a bit more than that and could have lasted a full year and not 3 months as he told me. I was only slightly miffed because I ended up going to some lousy place to get my hair highlighted, and they screwed it up royally, when I could have gone to my regular stylist. But, no real harm done and H had the control over the money like he needed.

Not every marriage needs to have full transparency and total and complete honesty. Some people have trust issues, sometimes for good cause and other times they're just neurotic.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Sometimes a person cannot leave a marriage even if they do not feel safe.
> 
> I did try to leave with our son. My attorney told me to get an apartment and move out with our son so that I was safe.
> 
> ...


Wow EleGirl, I had no idea you had been through something so traumatic. Hats off to you for surviving that!


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Cee paul I have OCD and I am against lying. FYI I have never backed anyone against a corner just because I worry. I'm sorry you feel you had to lie to your wife but frankly it was your choice to do so. No one has ever lied to me about a trivial... and yes an OCD person is saying trivial thing such as a drink being spilt. If it was cleaned up, no biggy. Accidents happen. I have been lied to about bigger issues however because of this... "Had to protect her" attitude and frankly it pissed me the hell off. I prefer to be told about an issue WHEN it happens and not later. Later I'll be even more peeved about it because I wasn't told sooner.
> 
> I'm a full grown woman and don't need protecting from anything. I hate when people feel they need to protect me... when in reality they don't. It's more for their benefit and not mine imo. Like another poster said.. it's more them protecting themselves.


Obviously you don't have extreme over-the-top OCD like she does or you'd understand my dilemma, because the woman nearly strokes out over the slightest bit of dirt while most normal people would let it roll off their backs........clean it up.......and move on.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Obviously you don't have extreme over-the-top OCD like she does or you'd understand my dilemma, because the woman nearly strokes out over the slightest bit of dirt while most normal people would let it roll off their backs........clean it up.......and move on.


Actually Cee Paul I do and Gate could vouche for that. Despite this there are ways to cope if she is willing and if you are as well. In my case a lie would only make the situation worse. If one wants to call it neurotic then fine and True Anon not every marriage needs full transparency but it's not fair to state one should put full trust and faith in their spouse either or leave if they don't have that. It's not that simple for alot of people. 

As for the OCD. I can assure you that when gate lied about something, I ended up finding out about it anyway either because he told me later and figured it would be no big deal or he didn't bother to fully cover his tracks. The problem I have with the lying is it imo implies that said person believes they can play me like a fiddle, treat me like a fool, ect. Not to mention if they lie about one thing they could and probably have lied about so many other bigger issues. 

Like I said, I'm sorry you feel you have to lie to your spouse and trust me I say you really shouldnt because imo it's quite offensive and frankly Gate has lied to me about things because he felt he was protecting me or whatever but in reality it did more harm then good. It broke my trust among other things. 

Besides if it's something trivial such as an accident I honestly don't feel that needs to be lied about. So what if she spends half an hour to an hour fretting over the area to make sure it's clean? It's what we do. At least it isn't something like getting groped by another female. Which is why i consider it trivial. Accidents happen. If she bytches at you for it then you two need to communicate better so she understands it isn't right to bite your head off over the situation. She can handle it in a more civil manner.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Sometimes a person cannot leave a marriage even if they do not feel safe.
> 
> I did try to leave with our son. My attorney told me to get an apartment and move out with our son so that I was safe.
> 
> ...


EleGirl, that is just awful. I was also in an abusive marriage, but my ex h was mostly unemployed. He expected me to act like his mother by providing a spotless home, cooking his meals, raising the baby, but with benefits as well. In my situation, it was much easier to leave. My ex h did stalk me for a year or so after I left. I didn't have any legal difficulties with the divorce since I had a lawyer. One thing was is that I could not stop my ex h from seeing the child and he treated her very poorly as well. Eventually he stopped seeing her altogether at 14 and since then she can not even contact her siblings. My daughter has been in therapy for some time due to the way she was treated. It effected her in a very negative way emotionally. The county only allowed limited supervised visits for a few years after the divorce, then it was discontinued. He was also court ordered to take anger management, substance treatment and parenting classes. I tried my best to protect my child.


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## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

Gaia said:


> Actually Cee Paul I do and Gate could vouche for that. Despite this there are ways to cope if she is willing and if you are as well. In my case a lie would only make the situation worse. If one wants to call it neurotic then fine and True Anon not every marriage needs full transparency but it's not fair to state one should put full trust and faith in their spouse either or leave if they don't have that. It's not that simple for alot of people.
> 
> As for the OCD. I can assure you that when gate lied about something, I ended up finding out about it anyway either because he told me later and figured it would be no big deal or he didn't bother to fully cover his tracks. The problem I have with the lying is it imo implies that said person believes they can play me like a fiddle, treat me like a fool, ect. Not to mention if they lie about one thing they could and probably have lied about so many other bigger issues.
> 
> ...


:iagree: If your wife has OCD and she finds out that you lie to her all the time can't you predict what's coming? A) She'll never believe you again over anything. The next time you lie to her about the garbage she won't belive you, be resentful, do it anyway! Plus she probably become OCD just checking up on you, in a way that she hasn't been up till now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> EleGirl, that is just awful. I was also in an abusive marriage, but my ex h was mostly unemployed. He expected me to act like his mother by providing a spotless home, cooking his meals, raising the baby, but with benefits as well. .


I also support my son’s father most of our marriage. He and I were both engineers when we married. But then he quit his job and went to medical school. His comment to me about medical school was that he was going whether I agreed to it or not. I should have walked out with that statement. He was a few months out from finishing medical school when I file for divorce. So I also supported us, kept house, cooked, raised a baby… and I paid for his medical school.



I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> In my situation, it was much easier to leave. My ex h did stalk me for a year or so after I left I didn't have any legal difficulties with the divorce since I had a lawyer.


Oh I had a lawyer too. But I ended up with a judge that hated women. She had a long record of siding with the husband no matter what. I waited until she was off the bench before filing again.



I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> One thing was is that I could not stop my ex h from seeing the child and he treated her very poorly as well. Eventually he stopped seeing her altogether at 14 and since then she can not even contact her siblings. My daughter has been in therapy for some time due to the way she was treated. It effected her in a very negative way emotionally. The county only allowed limited supervised visits for a few years after the divorce, then it was discontinued. He was also court ordered to take anger management, substance treatment and parenting classes. I tried my best to protect my child.


My ex did end up with about 40% custody. In 11th grade my son stopped going to his father’s because of the abuse. They had a bit of a physical altercation and for the first time my son fought back. Our son is adopted. His dad is 5’6”. My son if 6’4”. That night son picked up his father and slammed him into the wall, told his father to never touch him again. My son have had emotional issues as well. He’s 24 now, has made peace with his dad but still will not stay there. He’s doing very well now.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Fledgling said:


> :iagree: If your wife has OCD and she finds out that you lie to her all the time can't you predict what's coming? A) She'll never believe you again over anything. The next time you lie to her about the garbage she won't belive you, be resentful, do it anyway! Plus she probably become OCD just checking up on you, in a way that she hasn't been up till now.


^Exactly. In your wifes case Cee paul I think you may be enabling her behavior a bit, which is NOT a good thing. OCD or not she still needs to learn to cope better imo. No mental condition is an excuse to treat people badly. From what I seen from your other posts, she kind of does.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

That's terrible to hear Ele and Iminlove. I'm glad your both in better places now.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Gaia said:


> ^Exactly. In your wifes case Cee paul I think you may be enabling her behavior a bit, which is NOT a good thing. OCD or not she still needs to learn to cope better imo. No mental condition is an excuse to treat people badly. From what I seen from your other posts, she kind of does.


Again if it can save her one less stressful episode because I hid a mess from her and totally cleaned it up, or if she asks me what happened(like in the garage)and has to be told as less as possible because she(in the words of Jack Nicholson in "A few good men")can't handle the truth, then I will continue on doing it because nobody gets hurt in the process. The woman has enough on her plate as it is already without giving her more to worry about.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

i've lied so much...
i dont want to do it ever again.
therefore, i do not put myself into positions that would "require" it.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Again if it can save her one less stressful episode because I hid a mess from her and totally cleaned it up, or if she asks me what happened(like in the garage)and has to be told as less as possible because she(in the words of Jack Nicholson in "A few good men")can't handle the truth, then I will continue on doing it because nobody gets hurt in the process. The woman has enough on her plate as it is already without giving her more to worry about.


Your original question was asking about lying to ones spouse. No one here told you to stop what your doing, just gave opinions upon it. It's not a very good thing imo to assume something is in the best interest of another. 

If it save you a headache then good for you Cee Paul. Though in my case, as I stated, I prefer honesty. I used to freak out like your wife and not take it so well, *****ing and snapping. I grew out of that, especially with having someone who constantly made a mess and then kids afterwards. 

With constant reminders of my OCD and the fact that not everyone is like this I calmed down. I may check over the area or whatever the mess was in but if it had been cleaned up I do thank the person who took the time out to clean it. The fact that they put in the effort to just showed me they cared. 


Again I am just stating my case and opinion as well as answering your OP.


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## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

Cee Paul said:


> Again if it can save her one less stressful episode because I hid a mess from her and totally cleaned it up, or if she asks me what happened(like in the garage)and has to be told as less as possible because she(in the words of Jack Nicholson in "A few good men")can't handle the truth, then I will continue on doing it because nobody gets hurt in the process. The woman has enough on her plate as it is already without giving her more to worry about.


Are you so sure about that? Lies create distance between spouses. In essence you don't trust her, justifiably or not, to do the right thing and not flip out. By not being honest you are denying her the opportunity to form better habits and learn to control her OCD in a productive manner.

Secondly, you are making yourself a slave to her OCD rather than simply doing things to "help her out" out of the kindness of your heart.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

In MY opinion, everybody lies & those that say they NEVER do are 
lying


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Emerald said:


> In MY opinion, everybody lies & those that say they NEVER do are
> lying



Sure everyone lies but there is a difference between lying to ones spouse, lying in general, and attempting to lie but being unable to due to doing something like laughing or smirking every time it happens. I don't believe anyone here ever said they don't lie period. Some people just don't lie to their spouses. Some do. 




On another note... omfg love the jewels... so perrrrrtyyyyy and they kind of remind me of jolly ranchers...


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> and attempting to lie but being unable to due to doing something like laughing or smirking every time it happens.


this is me..and yes I have lied and accomplished it on occasion.but my face turns red..I stutter..I hesitate..even if I get away with it? Most the time I voluntarily at a later point say I lied..LOL!!(like even if I could get away with it)..because I cant stand it that I lied..(guilt)..I'm not "better" as in just "more honest" honestly? I just know I'm not a good liar.So why even bother?..Also I'm a real "human lie detector test"...LOL!! With those I know well.My kids have a hard time lying to me.Its the body language but I also analyze the words they use.It helps too I learned to "fine tune" that because my husband is a real smooth liar..so I had to hone my skills and still with him its 50/50..He can say something with a completely straight face that are SOOO a lie (to other people I watch him) and I'm amazed..and they are completely duped..(believe him)..It "amuses" him..he lies for SPORT...

On the other hand I try and be a trusting person..Which gets me in trouble sometimes..(so does telling the truth)..WOW..did I just promote lying?..I do think not all lying is wrong .Even in the bible some lies were condoned.Like lying to save an innocent life kind of thing..The teacher for example in Newtown(Sandyhook) recently when faced with the gun man he asked "where are your students" she said she took them to the gymnasium..they were in fact in the room hidden in the cupboards /closets..he shot her dead and left..thank God she was a good liar..


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Emerald said:


> In MY opinion, everybody lies & those that say they NEVER do are
> lying


AMEN! And apparently a lot of people haven't heard about "white lies" which to me everybody does from time to time. :smthumbup:


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## sarajane231 (Mar 12, 2013)

Everyone has different priorities, but for me, my spouse would need to be 100% honest. Not lying directly, or withholding information, or engaging in any activity he couldn't tell me about. 

White lies probably OK, but if you've done something bad, you should own up and deal with the consequences or you are disrespecting your partner.

How to find this in a man is another question. I've only ever found ones who do lie


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Fledgling said:


> Are you so sure about that? Lies create distance between spouses. In essence you don't trust her, justifiably or not, to do the right thing and not flip out. By not being honest you are denying her the opportunity to form better habits and learn to control her OCD in a productive manner.
> 
> Secondly, you are making yourself a slave to her OCD rather than simply doing things to "help her out" out of the kindness of your heart.


Having been with her a little over EIGHT years I am quite sure, simply because I have seen her flip out over small issues at least 50 times and we don't need the added drama(because we fight enough already).

And I have had a nasty temper ever since I was young so I've caught many people(family - friends - and spouses)who have lied to me about little things they thought would make me angry, and in all honesty they are correct in thinking I would have lost my temper over it.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

There is something specifically about being lied to that is on the level of feeling completely violated..in retrospect knowing the truth as brutal as it may be..is easier to cope with than being decieved.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Again it's what I feel is the right thing to do, and I am quite sure that at least 100 other members on here are lying to whomever in some capacity wether it's a "white lie" or a cover up.


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## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

Cee Paul said:


> AMEN! And apparently a lot of people haven't heard about "white lies" which to me everybody does from time to time. :smthumbup:


I do believe that everyone commits white lies. I think what people define as white lies varies from person to person and who is on the receiving end of the lie.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Cee.... I'm with you. 

My H is OCD, "dirt" on the floor (mostly invisible to the normal naked eye) and spills.... yes, even when you've cleaned it up and it's no big deal... it's still a big deal. It's not ugly or mean, but to me it is better avoided. My spill, I handled it, it's over. Period.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> Cee.... I'm with you.
> 
> My H is OCD, "dirt" on the floor (mostly invisible to the normal naked eye) and spills.... yes, even when you've cleaned it up and it's no big deal... it's still a big deal. It's not ugly or mean, but to me it is better avoided. My spill, I handled it, it's over. Period.


Finally someone who understands what I mean! :smthumbup:


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

SunnyT said:


> Cee.... I'm with you.
> 
> My H is OCD, "dirt" on the floor (mostly invisible to the normal naked eye) and spills.... yes, even when you've cleaned it up and it's no big deal... it's still a big deal. It's not ugly or mean, but to me it is better avoided. My spill, I handled it, it's over. Period.



This is me. Dust, dirt, hair, fingerprints...all drive me crazy. If our shelf with our DVDs on them can drive me nuts....cleaning, wiping of fingerprints, dusting, and of course arrangement....over the next week. 

My husband does lie about little things. If I ask, " is that dirty", or "should that look different", ??? He will say no it looks fine. 

So little things that once I start cleaning can go for a while, he will say its fine, let's do something else....

I used to get OCD about his stuff too, but he told me, in a very loud voice to leave his crap alone....

But to answer the question, does he lie to me about things because of my OCD??? Yes. Is it important things??? No. It's cleaning related only, oh let me take that back....if a movie might gross me out, he will say, it's fine, (which isn't a "lie", it's just to make me feel better. 

I'm kinda crazy when I find a new cleaner. I think if I ask have you seen the such and such, he will say no, even if he knows where it's at.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I've had some fun with H's OCD. He has a good sense of humor about it. We discussed it all long before getting together. I just told him that I am not a slob, but I don't have all the hang ups that he did, and that his issues are his. 

So I might hang his shirts backwards (who knew there was a backwards!) on purpose sometimes, or put the tp on the roll "backwards". Cheap laughs I guess. Last time we went on vacation, our daughters texted us, telling us that they were touching stuff on his desk! LOL 

On the other hand, he is very tidy about his clothes and laundry. He would NEVER drop dirty clothes on the floor...that's just wrong! He buttons up his pants and shirts before putting them in HIS dirty clothes hamper. He did buy HIS and HERS hampers... which I think is cute, since I throw them all in the wash together! 

He also makes the bed every morning. And every nite! LOL He makes it while I'm in it, like I've messed it all up by getting in. This doesn't bother me... it's just his thing. It's kind of turned into a "tucking in" ritual. No harm, no foul. He also sleeps without moving... lol, I guess this helps keep the bed neat, it drives him crazy that I sleep like a tornado!


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

OMG!!!!! Yes there is a backwards when hanging up clothes!!! All the hangers must face the same way, it's color coded for shirts and dresses and jackets. 

He told me, if I want to OCD it's fine. Just don't involve him. I've gotten better over the years, but it pops up from time to time. 

But I have other fvcked up ness, like the movies have to arranged a certain way, and books must be a certain way...I dust (I mean with pledge) his weights, even though he uses them everyday. And I go and stack them up a certain way 

I used to arrange the fridge and cabinets too, but with 4 kids, I've let to go lol. Mirrors, windows, faucets must all be clean. We have a 3-tier glass tv stand, that thing drives me crazy. It takes me 45 minutes to dust and shine it. 

The DVD player, cable box, the Xbox, wii,(and the controllers) laptop, the outside of DVD cases, book shelves...I can spend the better part of 8 hours doing this. I wash every disk I rent from Netflix and redbox.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> OMG!!!!! Yes there is a backwards when hanging up clothes!!! All the hangers must face the same way, it's color coded for shirts and dresses and jackets.
> 
> He told me, if I want to OCD it's fine. Just don't involve him. I've gotten better over the years, but it pops up from time to time.
> 
> ...


Now I also have an OCD issue where my shoes and clothes have to be lined up straight, and anything around me can't just sit there crooked so I have to straighten up and square off whatever I am able to, and with nothing hanging over an edge. But I sually try and not let this get in the way of others or constantly annoy her about stuff that is making me crazy, and if something is not lined up I simply straighten it out without letting anyone know about it.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Anyone who says they never lie to a spouse is technically a liar 

Really, no one condones lying and fundamentally no one supports lying, but in reality we all lie at some point to protect either ourselves or our spouses from whatever it is we may think justifiable. Whether large or small the issue, there are some things we simply feel our spouse just doesn't need to know.

No one is perfect, so I find it REALLY hard to believe anyone can be committed to 100% transparent honesty every single moment of their lives.


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## vahlaria (Jan 31, 2013)

Emerald said:


> In MY opinion, everybody lies & those that say they NEVER do are
> lying


I've never lied. Really. I don't and have never understood why people do. Is it fear? I really don't understand.

I've tried to understand. I want to understand. But I don't.

I tell the truth . . . always.

Don't get me wrong, people hate me for it and I hate that. But I hate lying, so I don't lie.

It appears to me that people seem to want to lie, and be lied to. But these people also get angry when they are lied to. It seem silly to me.

That was my only point.

So, to answer the OP's question. No. Never. 

Isn't self respect more important that someone's *****ing?

I'm asking not pointing.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Sometimes it's just to avoid a potential confrontation over something so miniscule but might be met with overreaction... some lies are over something so small or insignificant you may not even remember lying about them. And then yes, sometimes it's fear. 

Case in point... I'm pretty sure my wife lies to me to this day about masturbation... she claims she never does where I've caught her in the bed (without her knowing, thinking I'm asleep) on 2 occasions. For whatever reason she can't open up to me about it... despite my own brutal and open honesty over my own habits. She's just got some sort of self-protecting barrier that prevents her from sharing that honesty with me. I know she's lying, but I forgive her because I love her anyway. She is not perfect and I know that.


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## bailingout (Jan 25, 2013)

I have lied in the past and really disliked the aftermath following discovery of said lie. 

So, I made a choice for myself not to lie to protect myself, if I need to be lying about it, I shouldn't be doing it. I have no desire to have a train of skeletons trailing behind me and the paranoia that would produce inside of me by having to constantly look over my own shoulder to make sure they weren't catching up. I will have no part of that.

I will lie however, in a case like, not telling the neighbor kids my D doesn't want to play with them cuz she only wants to play with one friend for the time being. That would be mean to them and hurt their feelings. Not doing it. I told the other kids her & other friend were reading, which they were, I just didn't say she doesn't want them to join em. 

Lie to H, nope, he can't ground me, can't take away anything, or inflict some other type of punishment (well, I do get the silent treatment as punishment, whatever) so if he gets mad about it, ok, I understand, but I'm an adult, I make my decisions and I deal with the consequences.


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