# Steps to take when filling for divorce?



## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Background story for those who are interested
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/41086-newlywed-desperate-help.html

What steps do i need to take prior to filing for divorce? im young and dont know anyone who has been through it. I havent discussed it with my wife but i feel like she knows its coming sooner or later. should i contact a lawyer before or after letting her know my intentions? should i move out or stay put until its final? incase she goes crazy should i cancel banks accounts and credit cards and possible remove items of value? is it necessary to document and copy all files and take photos of belongings?

additional info:
no kids or pets
recently purchased a home in both our names
one car in her name and one in my name
all furniture purchased during the marriage
we both have jobs and make same income
about 15k in bank accounts
live in ohio

i appreciate any and all advice!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Definitely see a lawyer and found out what your rights are.

I would definitely consider getting your name off any joinf credit cards!

Do not leave the house! If Ohio is a community property state, you get half the assests (and half the debt) acquired during the union.

Removing things of value could be an issue.


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## cdavis (Mar 9, 2012)

First of all don't rush into anything. May lawyers offer free or low cost consultations. Go do that before talking to wife. In most states the following is true:

Its never a good idea to move out without clear permission from spouse. You should probably just avoid it at all costs and have a settlement agreement in place. Abandonment (moving out without the consent of spouse) is at fault in many states and effects claims.

Sounds like you will have a straight forward split of assets and debt. Agreeing on who keeps house and at what value will be the difficult part.

Assets and debt for the purpose of equitable distribution are usually "set" at the actual separation date. They can go back if a spouse is wasting marital assets before this date, but its not always as clear. Don't do anything you can't explain in court.


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## abetterme (Mar 8, 2012)

Why are you getting a divorce? Have you tried counseling?


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

abetterme said:


> Why are you getting a divorce? Have you tried counseling?


Yeah, i explain all of the details if you follow that link in my first post, kind of a long read but worth it if you want to get the full feel for everything.


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## abetterme (Mar 8, 2012)

Tos it sounds like she has a mood disorder - up to you if you want to stay.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

1. See a lawyer
2. VERY carefully think through the conversation you plan to have with her. It should be very brief:
- I love you and wish this had worked out
- We clearly aren't compatible
- I am sorry for my part in the demise of the marriage

Stay away from any comments that are critical of her. The goal is to part ways without her going bonkers and damaging your stuff or your financial situation. 

Besides at this point blame doesn't matter since you are parting ways. Blame only really matters when you are trying to change someones future behavior.




Toshiba2020 said:


> Yeah, i explain all of the details if you follow that link in my first post, kind of a long read but worth it if you want to get the full feel for everything.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

MEM11363 said:


> 1. See a lawyer
> 2. VERY carefully think through the conversation you plan to have with her. It should be very brief:
> - I love you and wish this had worked out
> - We clearly aren't compatible
> ...


I plan to take full responsibility, its just easier that way, deep down i know why it didnt work but officially she can place the blame on me if it makes things easier for her.


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