# Who Initiating Sex and/or lovemaking



## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Which of you initiates Sex and/or lovemaking? What does the initiator do to get it started? And how does raw sex differ from lovemaking in your relationship. And has it changed over the years? And what turns you off.

I'll start. I initiate nearly all the time. Funny, but when in bed I start by touching my feet to hers. If she's not interested, she moves her feet away. Raw sex may start with some dirty text back and forth when we are away from each other (me at office her at home) telling each other what we want and want we are going to do to each other. We get togther.. tearing clothes off... showering..together...oral and toys...different positions... Lovemaking usually involves some soft music in the background and lots of hugs and kisses, vibrator and only one or two different positons.

The turn off is when I feel I'm just on her check list and she wants to hurry and get it over with so I can go do the rest of the tasks on my list. (I know... pity...pity... pity..)

And the best sex is still make up sex!!! Right?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Why do you ask?

First, I don't remember make up sex, so no, make up sex isn't good. I think the last fight I had with my wife was in the early eighties.

As for your question, in the beginning of our marriage I always initiated sex. My wife was always obliging. Since 1991 she has been a sexual dynamo, though, so she has initiated sex maybe one in 10 times since then. She would probably do so more often if I gave her the opportunity.

And, just what do you call initiating sex?


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## norcaluncut (Oct 31, 2017)

i absolutly always initiate. . . starting to make me wonder wtf at this point. . . been married 2 years, together 6.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Real Estate (my guy) does most of the initiating, unless I feel like we haven't been getting it on enough or I'm feeling really horny, then I initiate.

As for how? Usually something along the lines of one of us saying, "Let's have sex" and the other one says something like "OK, why are your pants still on?"

Sometimes, he'll wake up earlier than me (because he has to take the dog out), and then he'll start masturbating. When he's good and hard, he comes into the bedroom and wakes me up by whacking my foot (I always sleep with one foot outside the covers) with his penis.

We have a general rule that we pretty much never say no. Even if he's not feeling up for it, he'll break out my toys and make sure that I am fully satisfied, and that's only been on a handful of occasions. He knows how upset I get to be turned down, it's kind of a trigger for me, which is why I don't initiate as much, despite being very HD, so this is his way of being able to say no but also keep me happy. I don't think I've ever said no. A few times I've said, yes, but I'm really tired, so you have to do all the work, and he's ok with that.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

We both do.

Make up sex has zero appeal to me.

And yeah, why do you ask?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MrsHolland said:


> We both do.
> 
> *Make up sex has zero appeal to me.*
> 
> And yeah, why do you ask?


Agreed. After a fight, I need cuddles and affection... I'm not really in the mood at that point in time.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We both initiate about the same amount - every day, one of us is sure to get things going. And yes, make up sex can be good (but no better than regular sex), but it's far better to not need to make up - we have little reason to fight.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

When we have sex, wife always initiates - directly by saying "lets get to bed". 

If I initiate in any way, I am invariably turned down.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

She initiates more often these days because I used to sulk for being turned down. But sometimes I still take my chances...
Make up sex can be great: I am convinced she sometimes picks a fight in order to have more passionate sex...it often turns into some type of BDSM thing or role playing while we still (pretend)-fight. 
Can be quite effective (for us).


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

I initiate most of the sex. 1 out of 10 times she will initiate sex. Makeup sex is usually good. Hotel sex is the best sex for us. Especially drunken hotel sex. You know, nice dinner and a cocktail. Walk off the food baby, hit a bar for a night cap, then up to the hotel room where we are both itching to get it on.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*With XW, I initiated 99% of the time! She seemingly hated sex!

With RSXW, it was largely a 50-50 proposition! She liked sex as much, if not more than I did!*


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

MrsHolland said:


> We both do.
> 
> Make up sex has zero appeal to me.
> 
> And yeah, why do you ask?


Why did you answer?


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Which of you initiates Sex and/or lovemaking?
Me about 3/4 of the time, her the 1/4 obviously. She?s very submissive and takes my direction so it works well for me and her.

What does the initiator do to get it started? 
Me, I start early, extra long good morning kiss and a pat on the butt or boob squeeze, tell her she looks great for work, texts during the day wishing her a good day, good long kiss when I come in the evening, a spank on the butt, offer to help set up the table for supper, if she hasn?t served me my food I ask her to, eating supper I?ll reach out and hold her hand for a bit or play footsie under the table and we will talk about our day, I?ll ask lots of questions, when we sit together I?ll hold her hand, stroke her legs, massage her feet, massage her neck and shoulders, tell her she?s pretty, tell her she smells good, smell her hair and run my fingers through it, in bed I?ll lay and sit up and kiss her mouth and neck, run my hands along her body, give a butt or boob squeeze, and keep it going until we are full on making out, I?ll undress her, undress myself, and make love to her. By bed time she?s all warmed up after having been showered with affection, compliments, heavy petting, and adored and fawned over all day. It?s an all day thing.

Her: she?ll say ?are we having sex?? And I say ?yes? and take over, or she will lay close and kiss me and run her hand up and down my chest and I will take over, If I don?t take over, she will up her seduction to include pressing her butt against my crotch when gets me hard, grind on it, take my hand and put it on her breasts, if that doesn?t work she will put her hand in my underwear and start jerking me, then she?ll say ?come on you know I want it? and I will take over. She just needs to nudge me to let me know she wants for me to take her.


And how does raw sex differ from lovemaking in your relationship. 
Raw sex is rougher and includes things like anal, facials, spanking, etc


And has it changed over the years? 
Yes, it?s gotten better and better as we now know each other?s bodies and wants so well. We know what we like and we do what we can to make each other happy 


And what turns you off. 
Nothing. Nothing turns me off. I can?t think of one thing that makes me not want sex.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

leon2100 said:


> Why did you answer?


Cos I wanted to.


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