# I guess material things do matter.



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I had a thread a few months back asking if lack of material things was a turn off to women. Most of the responses said no, that there were more important things.

I recently had an eye opening experience. I work in education and one of our training days had us board the bus and ride around out in the county and see where our students live. I live in a rural area. the nearest thing that could be called a city is over 100 miles away.

A lot of our teachers are from out of county and live in town I suppose. As we were driving around the back roads and seeing mobile homes and old farm houses, I couldn't believe some of the reactions from the group of mostly female teachers. Some were stunned that there were so many houses out in the country. We started down a gravel road and one said, "OMG, do people actually live out here?" 

We passed an area where one employee lived, who luckily wasn't with our group, and they acted stunned. It was as if he should have "better." 

I guess no matter how hard we want to deny it, material things do mean a lot to most people who consider themselves normal. I guess if I ever did decide to date again and brought a woman to my neck of the woods, I'd probably need an ambulance on stand-by in case she hit her head when she fainted.:rofl:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Of course material things matter. That's why we all work for a living. If it was only for food we would not have to work so hard... it's for the material things. these things make our lives safer, more comfortable and more entertaining. 

When you asked that question here, I'll bet most who responded were assuming some base level of 'material things'. Offer any of them a cave to live in, a camp fire to cook on, flint for kitchen knives and a club for protection.. they'd run in the other direction so fast it would make your head spin.

And that goes for males and females.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Of course material things matter. That's why we all work for a living. If it was only for food we would not have to work so hard... it's for the material things. these things make our lives safer, more comfortable and more entertaining.
> 
> When you asked that question here, I'll bet most who responded were assuming some base level of 'material things'. Offer any of them a cave to live in, a camp fire to cook on, flint for kitchen knives and a club for protection.. they'd run in the other direction so fast it would make your head spin.
> 
> And that goes for males and females.


Well, I'm not talking about a cave to live in, but it just seems like people are so materialistic these days. Everybody wants bigger and better than the neighbor. I guess i was always taught that it was about the person. If I had a choice between a good-hearted, caring woman who lived in a shack or a B that was rich, I'd take the lady in the shack, but that's just me. I guess that's why it's hard for me to understand otherwise.


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## regular_guy (Aug 9, 2011)

Money does matter. I tend to wear cheap clothes and keep them for a while. I consider myself moderately attractive. When I mention my job title (I want to protect my identity so I won't give it away but it pays quite well) to women I don't know they seem to be more attracted to me.

I guess I'm one of those guys that by looking at you would never think has money.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Mr. Chapelle breaks it down...

Dave Chapelle - Men and Women Phsycology - Very True - YouTube


Warning: Adult language, NSFW, etc etc etc


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

BigBadWolf said:


> Mr. Chapelle breaks it down...
> 
> Dave Chapelle - Men and Women Phsycology - Very True - YouTube
> 
> ...


Summed it up!


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

I think it depends on the demographics of the people you are talking about, and how they were raised.

I was raised in a rural town in MT, and I don't really care about material things so much. Of course I want a man who can provide for our family, but I don't want a mansion or $500 purse. I see that as a waste of money and think if I even had the money to buy those things, I wouldn't.

I notice a lot of people in the city I live in (more metropolitan) are much more materialistic than the people in the area I grew up in.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Of course material things matter. That's why we all work for a living. If it was only for food we would not have to work so hard... it's for the material things. these things make our lives safer, more comfortable and more entertaining.
> 
> When you asked that question here, I'll bet most who responded were assuming some base level of 'material things'. Offer any of them a cave to live in, a camp fire to cook on, flint for kitchen knives and a club for protection.. they'd run in the other direction so fast it would make your head spin.
> 
> And that goes for males and females.


I'm divorced, and divorce is never good on the finances. I have no intention of dating anytime soon, but i suppose that's a good thing. Until I can move into a better house and move beyond the 10 year old vehicle, I may as well forget it anyway. Right?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Well, in a comedy of errors, my abusive husband assumed that he could keep me in tow with new car, new house, diamond and gold, presents, greeting cards, fancy dinners.

I am a Quaker who TOLERATED his need for these things and was a little upset that he made such a show of them. I did let him know, but he paid no attention.

I drew the line at him promising my children that we would go to Disney World after his deployment. It wasn't just the money he wanted me to save up while paying his real estate taxes and all of the expenses for the house utilities and so forth while he was off making 100K tax-free including a housing allowance he only got because he was married...in a noncombat deployemnt. It was the time it would take me to earn that money while taking care of this house, the plowing, his vehicle, his bills, that would mean neglecting my children and myself. I quit my paid work, paid for all of his expenses with his money, volunteered my time and went to therapy (free, courtesy of the govt). But DW for my kids, um....no. Don't mean to offend anyone who likes that place, but my kids love camping. I took them camping for a week. My son said it was the best time of his life. 

Now I'm in a small efficient apartment with just enough space for me, 2 kids, dog, cat...walk to school, telecommute for work, traded down the car and smashed the diamond and gold rings, buried them in the earth on his property (where they belong, in the earth), tossed the diamonds into the non-native wildflowers he planted on the embankment. When I graduate, I plan to go live in a yurt or one of those cool little mobile homes built on a trailer that can be moved around. 

Here's the punch line. After I left him, one of his lady friends emailed him and said something to the effect that THEY (meaning his primary married girlfriend, her brother, the father, the mother in law who is also his 'friend', another woman who was sending him love letters - his friend's wife... yes, there were lots of women he has on a string) were SO WORRIED that I would take HIS HOUSE THAT HE WORKED SO DARNED HARD FOR. :rofl:

Um, yes. Please do take the house that requires a vehicle to live in and $100 a pop or a $10K tractor to plow (why have a tractor if you don't have a garden, for your driveway and fancy landscaping? GREAT USE OF NATURAL RESOURCES!) He emailed photos of the house to his girlfriend when it was being built, and afterwards. In my opinion, that thing's a crypt, only it has wall to wall carpeting. 

I've owned houses on my own, and sold them at a profit or broke even. They are great places to live. Not a value system. When they are used as bait, prison, or fought over they become tainted.
Now he is the one who is trapped in his house. My name was never on the mortgage and there is a reason I went along with that. I am not a material girl.

To be able to do the work I was called to do, it is better not to be fettered to a bank or to have a lot of things to dust off and account for every day.


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

Material things really don't matter to me. We live in a new but tiny cottage type house. It has a small kitchen, tiny living room and a bedroom (a bathroom too  ). We have a bed, sofa, chair, table...the things we need in a home. We both keep our clothing to a minimum, though we dress nicely, and rarely buy new. Our decor is what has been given to us or what we have traded for or souveniers, and it's all very nice and tasteful. We rarely spend money and are perfectly happy with our life. We have what we need and not much else to tie us down, cost us money, or distract us. Life is easier and more comfortable and less hectic this way. We both love nature and spiritual things and don't want or need much in the way of materialism.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Southbound, I think that what you saw on the bus ride was not so much a glamorization or desire for material things.
Your post sounds to me that a lot of people that you work with live with blinders on and have no idea that there are people that live in trailers, old farmhouses and that everyone doesn't have a perfect little acre of the world.

I'm willing to bet a lot of the homes that you saw have happy people in them.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I find it amazing what some label “materialism” in a derogatory way. A guy has a nice house, car, boat, all the bells and whistles, doesn’t owe a penny and he’s a “materialist”.

This labelling normally comes from those that don’t have much! And guess what some of those are really unhappy people. So they don’t have much and they are unhappy. Which came first I wonder. You’d never catch a self-made man calling anybody a materialist because they know how much damn hard work and how much focus, dedication, tenacity etc. etc. it takes to get these things.

And yes your so called “materialist” can be just as happy with all that they’ve got as anyone can be who hasn’t got a thing! And of course a woman who is going to get pregnant, give birth and nurture her children needs some indication that her chosen man will be able to provide for her and her children. Although I must say my wife took a total leap of faith in those things.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I've had the best, diplomatic life style, afternoon tea at the Penninsula hotel, Ivy League college, beautiful condominium in the #1 rated family beach resort area in the country...wonderful job locations with privileged scenery and amenities (office clerks who bring coffee and dust your plants for you). Let me tell you, it doesn't compare to freedom of thought, and money can't buy you love. I was lucky to be in these places and to have that life available to me again if I choose, and also had love from different people (not intimate sexual love, but Love, real love) and that is what made these places so special to me.

As for Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Abe Lincoln, Dalai Llama: such poor losers, sour grapes is all they are. I agree entirely with your assessment of those who choose a non-material life. It's because they're incapable of it and so fake a non-material lifestyle in order to cover their incompetencies. And they've done it so very well, too.

I left the people with the money and have usually paid for my children's needs without a support order. Their father contributes to their health care and spends time with them. The other support values the time I spend with them so that he can work. That's his choice. He has a full-time job and I choose to work half-time, when I take extra work, it's when the children are with him or sleeping. 

Let's put it this way. When I was 25, I had a job with a driver. An expense account. The more I traveled and the more I saw and experienced, the more I was able to see with my own two eyes that happiness does not have a price tag. It's free. I made adjustments so that I could continue my work more efficiently with less of a footprint left on mother nature and with less exposure of me and my family to things that did not contribute any value to our lives. I had and found that material things were not fulfilling. I did not come by these things by birth. But because of my skills they did come easily, and they are still fully available to me were I consciously to make the choice to pursue them. I am happy where I am. I have been given a gift of a scholarship to write, and that is what I'm doing. Because it's a gift and I only presented my heart in asking for it, it means that much more than if I had paid cash. I belong where I am, I'm here by personal invitation. Not by paying the entrance fee and chatting up the bouncer. In my travels I saw a lot of nature. Many of the world's natural treasures. And what I saw around them, and seeing how truly poor people live (third world countries) and where our wealth comes from (cheap labor, unnecessary poverty in these countries), I decided that I could not do that to another human being. I think sometimes people don't realize how it is in the greater world. I experienced it and so I made my choice. That is all anyone can do, make choices based on their own knowledge and feeling. Wherever someone is in their value system, there is no judgement in that. I never labeled anyone. I merely pointed out that someone else made an assumption about my values in order to control me, and that tactic failed. 

I do like a good dancing dress and a nice pair of shoes!!!!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

My wife and I are fairly well off. I make great money doing what I do for a living.
We have a lot of very nice things. Beautiful home, nice cars, vacations when and where we want, a fat dog, and love.
When we were young, we had a crappy apartment, cast off furniture(I was known to dumpster dive for stuff for the home), one crappy car after another( I could keep them going for a while...), and more than a few days of nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to eat, and love.

While my life is certainly different now than it was 30 years ago, it's not any better or worse.
We love each other and that will overcome any adversity.

So while we have a lot of material things, we'll be happy as long as we have each other.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

DanF said:


> My wife and I are fairly well off. I make great money doing what I do for a living.
> We have a lot of very nice things. Beautiful home, nice cars, vacations when and where we want, a fat dog, and love.
> When we were young, we had a crappy apartment, cast off furniture(I was known to dumpster dive for stuff for the home), one crappy car after another( I could keep them going for a while...), and more than a few days of nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to eat, and love.
> 
> ...


That's what I mean. I would happily accept material things in my life it they had a place in that life. I don't have a crappy car, a crappy apartment or crappy furniture. My stuff is nice. I have great friends and people who love me, and people that I love too. Heck, the toll booth operator yesterday told me "I love you" because the car in front of me was full of some of her relatives, and I told her "I heard that!" when she yelled to them "I love you too." But, to share my life with someone, I was willing to make concessions to the amount of stuff necessary to make that other person comfortable, because I'd never impose my value system on my spouse. Love is love. That is ultimately not what was offered to me. It was something else, and he assumed I could be bought.

What you have is sweet. ALL of it!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

AFEH said:


> I find it amazing what some label “materialism” in a derogatory way. A guy has a nice house, car, boat, all the bells and whistles, doesn’t owe a penny and he’s a “materialist”.
> 
> This labelling normally comes from those that don’t have much! And guess what some of those are really unhappy people. So they don’t have much and they are unhappy. Which came first I wonder. You’d never catch a self-made man calling anybody a materialist because they know how much damn hard work and how much focus, dedication, tenacity etc. etc. it takes to get these things.
> 
> And yes your so called “materialist” can be just as happy with all that they’ve got as anyone can be who hasn’t got a thing! And of course a woman who is going to get pregnant, give birth and nurture her children needs some indication that her chosen man will be able to provide for her and her children. Although I must say my wife took a total leap of faith in those things.


This sounds like the wisdom my grandfather used to tell me growing up... the best way to be successful is to act successful, if you want money act like you have lots etc. Even when they had a hard time keeping all of their children clothed and fed, when it came to his business he only wore expensive suits and only drive brand new Lincolns. The model seemed to have worked for him, since he was born into poverty and died a wealthy man (and all his children ended up very well fed and clothed)... of course it could be just the socioeconomic trends of his day and his old-fashioned work ethic.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Lydia said:


> I think it depends on the demographics of the people you are talking about, and how they were raised.
> 
> I was raised in a rural town in MT, and I don't really care about material things so much. Of course I want a man who can provide for our family, but I don't want a mansion or $500 purse. I see that as a waste of money and think if I even had the money to buy those things, I wouldn't.
> 
> I notice a lot of people in the city I live in (more metropolitan) are much more materialistic than the people in the area I grew up in.


This too, is how I look at life....I Love the country..even when I plan our vacations, I still choose a country atmosphere, I even ask about our room, what the scenery will be like outside the windows. I want the best view. 

.....IF I had a choice, I would choose to live in an old Farmhouse (which we do...with many improvements), I used to joke I would have enjoyed marrying a Farmer & live amongst the cows & cornfileds with Romance- even with a little struggling to get by (which we don't, thankfully) -over be married to a High Powered Rolling in the dough Lawyer who lived in a townhouse with no yard, and I could shop till I dropped & buy endless "things" I really didn't need. 

With the Lawyer, I would want more of HIS time that he wouldn't have to give (Probably the Farmer too!) ...and I would absolutely despise living in the city with pavement every where and people on top of me all around me. I've accually had bad dreams like that. 

I want to see green grass, rolling hills, smell cow manure , be able to pick berries in my back yard and B*** that I can't get out of my 750 ft driveway in the winter-cause the snow turned to ice. Now that is "living".... for me. I want to be able to have HUge Bonfires and blast my music to kingdom Come & not worry about my neigbors, and fly kites in my yard. 

I don't begrudge anyone who has money. It is not about having money or not having money -for me. Most of our friends look at us as we are rich cause of all the acres we own. But it IS about what we accually enjoy in life and what brings us happiness. For me.....it is the country and "time" with the man. Which means we may not choose to work ourselves to the bone to make 6 figures but to learn to live within our means. 

I think at the end of my life, I will not regret these decisions.. 

When I see scenery like this, I feel "at home"...


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

southbound said:


> Well, I'm not talking about a cave to live in, but it just seems like people are so materialistic these days. Everybody wants bigger and better than the neighbor. I guess i was always taught that it was about the person. If I had a choice between a good-hearted, caring woman who lived in a shack or a B that was rich, I'd take the lady in the shack, but that's just me. I guess that's why it's hard for me to understand otherwise.


I know, I don't understand the obsession with extreme materialism either...obviously who would want to live in a cave but I find it hard to comprehend why so many focus on what some one has over who that person is. I suppose it is just the way society has molded us?!?!?


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

Of course material things matter, I can't live with my IPad or IPhone.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I rent a town house, my truck is 20 years old, my van is 8 years old (original off the assembly line battery, I'm proud of that). I have a few nice things but would gladly give them up.

I live pay check to pay check but I'm comfortable and my bills are paid. I have some wiggle room with those paychecks but not a lot (not going to Disney World or the Bahamas anytime in this lifetime) but I'm happy. I have my kids, my dogs, my life. It's all I need.

Yes, I have a PS3 but I bought it this Christmas (6 yrs after it came out on the market), I buy second hand games instead of brand new or from the 10 buck bins. I have my laptop, I'm still paying for it but it's okay. I have a job, I have benefits that cover or medical and dental (and glasses) needs. I have a pretty good and happy life.

Funny thing is, I came from an upper middle class set of parents (350K a year my dad made, my mom 175K a year) and yet I could care less about the big fancy cars and homes (they both drove toyota tercels for crying out loud, we had a small family semi detach home when they could have bought a freaking mansion if they wanted to).

My parents may have made a lot of money in their jobs but they taught my sister and I that money is never forever and material things come and go. What matters is the people you are with and how you treat them and how they treat you.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i guess it depends on the persons mindset and objectivity of money. in our home, we have computers, phones, platform game consoles, handheld gaming devices, digital cable with mostly all the bells and whistles, i pods, a blu ray player, collectibles, other things...

i know all these things came from hard work, and i understand if you dont move your feet you dont eat....i dont take one day for granted, its not guaranteed to any of us, and anything could happen.

i can live without any of these things, i like having them. do i "need" any of this..yes and no...but its nice to have when you know what its like to be without, so i always pay it forward.

i teach my kids, its here today..it means nothing. be nice and kind to every one, it could be you on the other side one day..and in fact it was us for a little while.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I was raised by extremely cheap Depression-era parents, so I appreciate that we are now at a point in our lives where we don't have to squeeze every nickel 'til it squeaks.

Materialism only becomes a problem when things start to control you. As long as you spend within your means and have adequate savings for a rainy day, you should enjoy whatever your income level brings you.


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Even poor people today have many more material things than rich people did a few generations ago. Same goes for poor people of wealthy nations when compared to those of 3rd world nations.

My house/cabin in the woods looks rather run down from the outside. That's fine with me as the tax assesment is lower. Neighbor took out a home equity loan a few years back and dressed his place up with new vinyl siding, new roof shingles, deck expansion, gazebo, and a second garage. Bot did he get soaked on taxes!!!

I've heard some people say, "You can't take with you once you're dead", and others say, "He who dies with the most toys wins". Being happy, loved, fulfilled when living, and fondly remembered when dead is my goal.


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

loversherman, were your parents cheap or frugal?

My grandparents struggled in the depression and taught much about the difference between the two.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Cheap. My dad refused to stay in motels when we went on vacation, which was only to visit relatives. We slept in the car at rest stops. Looking back it is funny now, but three of us kids in the back of the station wagon trying to sleep--what was he thinking?


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

When you really think about it, most men would say that one of the most admirable traits to find in a potential wife is a woman who would love you regardless of the size of your wallet. So why not approach it from the perspective of being comfortable with where you are, and confident with yourself, not wanting to be with someone who can be swayed by more wealth than you have? That same woman, the one who cares very little about your financial status, would probably be pretty crazy about a self-confident guy. 

For part of my teenage years, I grew up in a rural town that was very socially and financially conscious. Most girls ignored guys like me, who were pretty poor, but there were a couple of close friends who went out of their way to be nice. I became very close to one woman. We both moved on, but this wonderful woman taught me that there are good people out there. All the rules seemed to change with college, though, so I agree with others who say that this type of situation can be localized.

Personally, I live a minimalist lifestyle. Just don't get excited by material things. I won't pretend that there is real comfort in having a solid retirement nestegg, but some of my concerns would be at the opposite end of the spectrum if I were single again. I wonder just how dishonest it would be to 'forget' to mention the retirement portfolio, or even if people could really be superficial enough to care more about income levels and such.


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

I went on a trip with grandpa that lasted 3 weeks. I was 12. We only stayed in a motel when it was pouring rain. Could not have afforded that vaca with motels evry night. We stayed at national or state parks in a tent. One night we slept in the old VW Bug at a rest stop.

Best vaca ever, only ate in a restaurant 3 times, 1 of those was paid for by realtives we were visiting (their treat).

Funny thing to remember, but it has stuck with me, The gas guage on the Bug didn't work. Grandpa kept a ledger in the glove box detailing odometer readings and fill ups. He could base his estimated fuel range on the mpg after a fillup. We were getting over 42 mpg on the highway!

Last summer my fuel gauge started acting eradictly, up, down all over the place. I filled up the tank and started a ledger like he did. Never ran out of fuel! Fuel pump quit this fall and I replaced it myself, saved about $250-300 on labor.


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Halien said:


> Personally, I live a minimalist lifestyle. Just don't get excited by material things. I won't pretend that there is real comfort in having a solid retirement nestegg, but some of my concerns would be at the opposite end of the spectrum if I were single again. I wonder just how dishonest it would be to 'forget' to mention the retirement portfolio, or even if people could really be superficial enough to care more about income levels and such.


I think it make a good tv show if a man was a potential mate. Have a very wealthy man act poor and another poor man act wealthy. See who the potential women choose. Of course the genders could be reversed.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

southbound said:


> I'm divorced, and divorce is never good on the finances. I have no intention of dating anytime soon, but i suppose that's a good thing. Until I can move into a better house and move beyond the 10 year old vehicle, I may as well forget it anyway. Right?


I say live the way YOU want to and find a woman who likes the way YOU live.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Thanks for all the opinions and comments. Let me clarify what I meant. I don't think there is anything wrong with having stuff, computers, new cars, boats, a hundred pairs of shoes, etc. Heck, if I were wealthy, I'm sure I would have some more stuff too. I'm just saying that I think it is sad when people can't see past that and see the human being instead.

I realize a person who lives in a dump because he sits on the couch and plays video games all day isn't attractive, but i know a lot of people who work hard and are regular people, they just don't have a lot of money and, therefore, not a lot of stuff. 

I've discovered something about myself since I've gotten divorced. When I was married, I had a nice modern house with a huge basement, two car garage, and some land. I had nice furniture, etc. Now that I'm divorced, I live in a little farm house that is not fixed up and drive a 10 year old vehicle. The appliances are old and the furniture isn't anything fancy either. I've noticed, however, that i don't really care. It's not the worst place in the world, but if I had a "need" of some kind, I'm sure It would qualify to be torn down by "Extreme Home Makeover." But I find I don't miss the big house and nicer things.

What i have is adequate and functional, so i guess I'm satisfied in some way. I could live here and never update a thing and be happy; I'm the same person I was before, but I'm sure people would judge differently. As I joked before, I'm sure if I brought a woman here, I'd probably need the ambulance on standby for when she fainted. 



DanF said:


> Southbound, I think that what you saw on the bus ride was not so much a glamorization or desire for material things.
> Your post sounds to me that a lot of people that you work with live with blinders on and have no idea that there are people that live in trailers, old farmhouses and that everyone doesn't have a perfect little acre of the world.
> 
> I'm willing to bet a lot of the homes that you saw have happy people in them.


You make good points that I have thought about too. I thought it odd that these are educated people, yet all it takes to amaze them is a drive in the country to see a few trailers and farm houses. Did they really think the whole world had their own little acre on Maple Street or a condo in the city? They were stunned by the "lack" of things they had.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Material things matter to a certain point. I have dated men who were rich, but they were emotionally what lands in the toilet when one goes to the bathroom. They had this attitude; "I'm wealthy, so you better do what ever I want."

When I was single, I refused to date men who did not have cars or the means to be able to look presentable. My experiences taught me that cheap men are often not loving; they are as stingy with love as they are with money. 

We couldn't afford a real wedding and it hurts me. I would have loved to have what other women around me were able to enjoy; a wedding that was not a crappy elopement.

Everybody would like to think that money doesn't matter. However, there is nothing romantic about being too broke to pay bills or buy necessities. I am very happy that we are moving out of this affluent area; this place just makes me sad.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

FirstYearDown said:


> Everybody would like to think that money doesn't matter. However, there is nothing romantic about being too broke to pay bills or buy necessities. I am very happy that we are moving out of this affluent area; this place just makes me sad.


Oh sure, I agree 100%. I realize that people have different ideas about things. When some seem against material things, some think they want to live in a hut made of twigs with no running water and drive a broken down Yugo. 

In my situation, I'm having no problem with bills, food, heat, gas, etc. I have a decent income and even have a little money in the bank. I had enough cash to invest in some farming activities that I hope will pay off in a couple of years. I'm living much better than check-to-check. 

I am not rich, however, by any sense of the word; I have to prioritize. the reason I'm doing ok is because I am living in an old house and driving an old car. I'm not spending thousands on new carpets, appliances, furniture, etc. Everything looks a little worn. If i were to do that, I'd be flat broke in no time.

I'm just saying that if things don't "look" very flashy, people tend to be turned off and think you're living a sad life.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

They do matter, but to what degree? 

If I wanted, I could have become a wealthy man's mistress, drove a Benz, wore valuable jewelry, lived in a mansion, traveled around the world, etc. But would I have been happy? 

No! Most of the time I would be alone and live my life without a man! 

I chose my husband! He doesn't make a lot of money,but he does make enough for us to have a decent life. The most important thing is that he and I can spend a lot of time together! 

Do we lack anything materially? 
No!

We have a nice condo which is not big, but big enough for two of us! We have nice clothes and we have good food! We don't have a car, but we made the decision not to have a car. A car for us is not necessary since we live in the city and going to work by a scooter or a motorcycle is much more convenient. 

Do I feel bad that other people have what I don't have? 
No!

We have a happy life. I have a loving husband who comes home happily everyday. He doesn't need to stress himself out and work long hours. I don't need to stress myself and work long hours. We do have pressure from work, but who doesn't have pressure from work as long as you work? 

Are we poor? 
No! 
We make decent salary, and we have a decent and organized life! 
Do I want to be poor? 
No! 
I don't want to be stressed about money and worry about where my food is!


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Years ago, there used to be appliance repair shops If your Tv or washing machine was not working that was where it was taken before being replaced.

Now-a-days things are thrown out before they break! The island of misfit toys is full of non broken toys now, and they are toys for adults not children.

Heck now-a-days these toys would be given govt. assistance rather than being placed with a child who love them.

Rudolph - The Island of Misfit Toys - YouTube


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

southbound said:


> Oh sure, I agree 100%. I realize that people have different ideas about things. When some seem against material things, some think they want to live in a hut made of twigs with no running water and drive a broken down Yugo.
> 
> In my situation, I'm having no problem with bills, food, heat, gas, etc. I have a decent income and even have a little money in the bank. I had enough cash to invest in some farming activities that I hope will pay off in a couple of years. I'm living much better than check-to-check. While our income is more than adequate, we will *never *be able to buy property in this horribly expensive city. Being a lifelong renter makes me feel so poor, especially since I live among mansions. This spring, we will be moving to a much nicer apartment and we will not be around rich people all the time.
> 
> ...


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

I say live life the way you want to, and if someone can't accept you for who you are, or what you have, then eff em. Send them on their way, and make room for a new friend. There is not a people shortage on the earth.

I'm not in a very cheery mood tonight.


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## limeyx (Mar 29, 2011)

regular_guy said:


> Money does matter. I tend to wear cheap clothes and keep them for a while. I consider myself moderately attractive. When I mention my job title (I want to protect my identity so I won't give it away but it pays quite well) to women I don't know they seem to be more attracted to me.
> 
> I guess I'm one of those guys that by looking at you would never think has money.


I would definitely agree. I was reading a book in a hotel bar once (many years ago), dressed in just jeans etc. Keeping myself to myself.

I got into a chat with a woman, and she didn't seem particularly interested until she asked me what I did for a living. I responded "Software Engineer" and she nearly gave herself whiplash as she instantly tried to attach herself.

She then admitted she thought I said "Self-made millionaire" haha

Just a sample of one though but amusing


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

When I was single, I never told women I was in law school. I told them a partial truth - that I worked on a farm.

The sort of woman who was more interested in me as a potential lawyer was not the sort of woman who I wanted to be in a romantic relationship with. 

I find it hilarious when people talk about "necessities." 
First world problems, usually.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Why are necessities hilarious?

I would assume that clothing, shelter and food are needed by everyone, right?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Angel5112 said:


> I guess your definition of materialistic and mine are two different things. I have A LOT of clothes and shoes...I mean a lot, but a lot of them have been off the clearance rack or from a thrift store. I just love fashion. I also like having a nice car. We are those people who buy a new car every 5 years, because we are not fixers and we are hard on our vehicles (we are commuters). When we bought a house, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, nice size living area, fenced in yard, garage, etc, etc were all a requirement for us.
> 
> Having said all of the above, I still wouldn't call myself materialistic. I don't freak out if I don't get the latest designer clothes, or the newest top rated car. I will not spend a ton of money on designer purse/clothes/shoes. I don't buy stuff to impress others, I buy it so I'm happy and comfortable. I am also very thrifty and usually limit myself on what I can spend and then haggle like a crazy person.
> 
> I like to think of the things I have as amenities of a good job.


But if your husband couldn't provide those things to you, would you still stay with him?

Living in a 1 bedroom apartment, not being able to get anything at all, just scraping by etc....

Like someone says, there is a degree of what we want and need to make us happy.

And there are the select few who could care less with what they have or get as long as they have their loved ones around them and that is true happiness.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> Why are necessities hilarious?
> 
> I would assume that clothing, shelter and food are needed by everyone, right?


Because people often use "necessities" in a way that seems... unnecessary. That is: is a TV "necessary" ? What *kinds* of clothes are necessary? Etc. 

Not that I'm saying people are necessarily  greedy when they use "necessity" to mean something that isn't necessary for survival or whatever. 

A lot of the people I go to school with think that a big house is a necessity, and that an iPhone is a necessity, and that having Ralph Lauren polos is a necessity, etc. I think, when they use the term "necessity" that it comes off as hilarious.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

I am convinced things mean little, and I am more persuaded by it as I get older.

Setting aside the most basic of necessities.. such as shelter and clothes and food... only after which are we at liberty to entertain our lives with some sense of freedom and liberality... the rest is superfluous. Some can provide pleasure, but generally people conflate pleasure with happiness.

I know some very rich people.. I mean 'servants' rich and private planes that are not very happy generally... and I know some that live fairly simple lives and struggle between paychecks that are generally very happy and would be said to have measurably more joy in their lives... but those are just anecdotal tripe examples. Numerous studies show money plays only a relatively small part in happiness.

Forgive my long quote, but this just sprang to mind... how we choose to live, and how we choose to percieve our situation and how we choose to react to the present in our lives - carries infinitely more weight upon our happiness. 

Thoreau (Walden):

"When I consider how our houses are built and paid for, or not paid for, and their internal economy managed and sustained, I wonder that the floor does not give way under the visitor while he is admiring the gewgaws upon the mantelpiece, and let him through into the cellar, to some solid and honest though earthy foundation. I cannot but perceive that this so-called rich and refined life is a thing jumped at, and I do not get on in the enjoyment of the fine arts which adorn it, my attention being wholly occupied with the jump. (...) The first question which I am tempted to put to the proprietor of such great impropriety is, Who bolsters you? Are you one of the ninety-seven who fail, or the three who succeed? Answer me these questions, and then perhaps I may look at your bawbles and find them ornamental. The cart before the horse is neither beautiful nor useful. Before we can adorn our houses with beautiful objects the walls must be stripped, and our lives must be stripped, and beautiful housekeeping and beautiful living be laid for a foundation.."

also just googled the following link up. Really you see this sort of thing over and over...

'After a few years of getting used to their new situations, lottery winners and paraplegics are surprisingly close to being equally happy.'

http://www.canada.com/vancouversun/news/story.html?id=437ad1ca-df68-4472-91ad-2c57c7da8d6f&k=96500


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

not sure where this originated but a friend of mine wrote on facebook the quip:

"Things are to be used and people are to be loved" somewhere we as a society tend to get it backwards.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Angel5112 said:


> I provide these things for myself and always have, even before I met him. Only recently (the last 2 years) has my husband made as much as I do. When we first got engaged we moved into my dads house (bill free) so we could pay off his debt. Not my debt, his, because I didn't want to legally bind myself to bad credit and $10,000 in credit card debt. That doesn't make anyone materialistic. It's makes them financially smart.
> 
> To answer your question though, no, I wouldn't leave my husband if we suddenly become poverty stricken. I don't need those things to make me happy, but that doesn't mean those things don't make me happy. That in no way makes me, or anyone like me, materialistic.
> 
> Thankfully we both have well paying, in demand jobs, so we will likely never become a casualty of the bad economy. :smthumbup:


Good for you, but the sad thing is that alot of people will say one thing but when things start going south, words don't count for much. This goes both ways for guys and women.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I buy my own stuff lollll


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Thoreau went home on weekends so his mom could do his laundry. He also came from a very wealthy family. Someone in his family invented the wood and graphite pencil. 

True facts.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a sh^t what your name is.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Thoreau went home on weekends so his mom could do his laundry. He also came from a very wealthy family. Someone in his family invented the wood and graphite pencil.
> 
> True facts.


laugh. You want to debate Thoreaus philosophical worth? You want a PIECE OF THIS??!! :smthumbup:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I've always hated the Transcendentalists. They all seem like dilettantes to me - people who have the luxury to consider the shape of their own navel. Emerson, Thoreau, Whitman, Melville...


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

I agree transcendentalism is broken - certainly from a scientific perspective, but surely you cannot discard someone like Emerson - obviously a very perceptive observer of the human condition, and eloquent to boot. And Thoreau - Walden aside - clearly a man of principle.. his defense of John Brown, I think - is one of the finest expressions of 'american' thought there is. Civil disobedience? Ghandi seemed to like it... as did MLK..

but I digress...


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> When I see scenery like this, I feel "at home"...


SA, this is what I've told my wife what I want to see when I'm old. When the kids are out of the house and have a life of their own, this is the kind of place I want to end up at, small town, where everyone knows everyone and life on the slow track.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

More great comments. I just wonder how many women would be turned off to dating a man whose material "stuff" just didn't seem up to par? I'm not talking poverty, but just nothing fancy.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Um...no!!

At least not to me.

Although my fiance makes plenty of money and can probably provide for us forever, while we live in a very nice apt with two pools, a work out center, and a state of the art tanning bed..

It's very nice, yet a little overwhelming for me. To be honest, I'd be just as happy living in a grass shack with an outhouse in the backyard.

Material things are nice, but at the same time, boring. Aside of a roof over your head and a nice closet full of cool clothes..who really cares??

I've seen those types of women (and I don't mean to offend anyone here) flashing around their big 3 carot diamond rings....and I have to ask myself, "So what's the big freaking deal...25 years of marriage and all you want is this big bling you can show off to all your friends??", while their big house is probably mortgaged to the hilt as she comes to work and brags to all her co-workers..."I don't have to work...my husband makes enough so I don't have to..I just do it to get out of the house..."

Gee..we respect you soo much for your honestly..and the fact that every day you come in with a new outfit and shoes to match what you bought at Younkers.

I'll bet her husband wants to wring her neck every damned day..lol!!!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

southbound said:


> More great comments. I just wonder how many women would be turned off to dating a man whose material "stuff" just didn't seem up to par? I'm not talking poverty, but just nothing fancy.


If you look for reasons why you are not attractive to women, you will find them. If you look for reasons why you are attractive to women, you will find those as well.

Same with success. If you look for reasons why you will fail, well you’ll find loads of those. If you look for reasons why you will be successful there are loads of those as well.

These things really are all in the mind. You’re either a pessimist or an optimist, negative or positive. Cups half empty or it’s half full sort of thing.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

AFEH said:


> If you look for reasons why you are not attractive to women, you will find them. If you look for reasons why you are attractive to women, you will find those as well.
> 
> Same with success. If you look for reasons why you will fail, well you’ll find loads of those. If you look for reasons why you will be successful there are loads of those as well.
> 
> These things really are all in the mind. You’re either a pessimist or an optimist, negative or positive. Cups half empty or it’s half full sort of thing.


There is a point, though, where it's in the other person's mind. A person can be the biggest optimist in the world and have 100 reasons in his head as to why he should be attractive, but that may not change how others feel about it. The ability to cope with living in a dump, for example, is in the mind, but that doesn't physically change anything.


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