# After 14 years together, She needs time and space



## sacaanro (Jul 22, 2010)

Hello to everyone, 

I'm new here and by the way I honestly ask for your forgiveness is something is expressed wrong or not understandable of what I'm trying to said or explain, my primary language is spanish and I'm from Puerto Rico.

My wife and I we've been together for almost 14 years. all along those years we've two daughters, one 11 and the other 10. Since a while ago she became angry, everytime I forgot something to do or some task that should be completed at home. this turns into a nightmare because she thinks that I don't pay attention of what she said. She also expressed that she was exhausting of all those situations. Every time she express her feelings I'm there to hear what she wants to tell me. In 98% of those one on one, I evaluated what she wants to tell me and to be more honest 95% percent of the time she was right. I'm always a family guy type person, the one that always think first in family and always consult and communicate with my wife as my first and unique option. As I was saying a month ago she became so angry that she said that she was almost reaching her boiling point. I stop for a while(hours) and search if the problem was so serious to tell me that she think that our relation wasn't working because of those things. I made a commitment to her, the one that as of today I fullfill. I became more aware of what makes her happy on those day to day task and put more of me on it. a week ago she was in cirgury for her wisdom tooth extractions. I take care of her most of what she was expected, including that she approach to me on the second day after the extraction and expressed me that she loves me always, that she consider a privilege to be with me and at last that she don't want to loose me never. Obviously I feel a total happiness because I realized that those things that were affecting our marriage was on the positive track. 5 days later(jul 20) and honest with all that read this post that for No specific reason she began to expressed me that she needs time to think what is best for both of us. I give her the space obviously the time. I'm totally devastated because if the fault was infidelity or fights all the time or maybe that I was a more to my friends guy, I honest will accept what she was asking me. I became very desperate and began to call her, text her, and yesterday before I leave the house we were engaged in a great deal of an argument. I ask her for the opportunities that we might have to fixed the situation or the marriage and she told me that the only thing that she was asking me was time and obviously space. She said to me also that let her to evaluated with serenity what she really needs. Obviously she expressed me that she was not feeling the same for me...

As the same case of other person I feel desperate, hurt, suffering and very anxious to know at least if there is a possibility to save our marriage. Which path should I take? could anyone could help me on that? what advice should I consider as the most important in my case?

thanks to anyone that could help me on my situation!!!

ermr


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## Gods_Child09 (Jul 23, 2010)

Your situation sounds a little like mine. My husband and I also had alot of problems similar to yours, he was unfaithful, he lied alot, was verbally and sometimes physically abusive, and after 14 years together I became more like him than I was myself. He and I split up 8 months ago, I moved back home after he kept saying he wanted me to leave and wanted a divorce, at one point he said he wanted to work things out, then he said he needed time, but he never tried, then last month he said he was filing for divorce, then later he said he needed time again. I wanted to save my marriage because despite everything I loved him dearly, and I still do, but this evening I told him I was filing for divorce. We talk maybe once a week, he lives in another state, we have two kids who I am raising alone, and he is saying he likes his freedom. I can't tell you to do what I did because that may not be the answer for you, but I know from experience that it hurts to wait for someone and keep trying just to have all your efforts be ignored, and you end up hurt again in the end...I wish you the best of luck, and that God Blesses you and your family. Even though things didn't work out between me and my husband I guess God has a plan for me, sometimes you have to know when to let go, and that is always hard when you really don't want to and especially when you love them...


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## sacaanro (Jul 22, 2010)

Thanks Gods_Child09, for your advice and your advice comparing your situation versus mine. The truth is that the thing that I don't understand is why suddenly she became that way since I never put her in second, never been unfaithfull to her, never abuse psicoligical neither physical and always worried about been atractive to her. Those thing are practically a clue not put a marriage situation at risk. Obviously the understanding and hear the other person is most important. I don't know what the outcome will be but I think it's totally unfair to do something like this to someone that you have commited and someone that in all aspect had been responsable and hear and act in base of her needs. 

The feeling that I have is not good and I know my self from the bottom of my heart. I'm afraid of my future actions and reactions. God help me and my family also.

Thanks a lot!

Ermr
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sacaanro (Jul 22, 2010)

Update...

today I broke one of the not to break rules in split time. In anxiety I call my wife @ 5:45am. She was sleeping. I spoke normally to her and she agree to hear me. I expressed my feelings about the incident in which she became afraid of me for my reactions to the cold news.

I didn't want to apologize and talk about what went wrong, I only want it to hear from her. She continue to expressed that what I did was very wrong...I let her talk! I tried to turn the conversation to another topic but she return once again. I ask her If instead of looking for an answer that day I had turn my back and didn't pay any attention to her...she said that things were look very different.

So I'm in a mega congestion of troubles here. definitely she's totally confused. I talk about our marital problems and she accept that there is somethings that she needs to think first and that she knows that I'm suffering...at this point she doesn't want to inform her family, relatives or friends. She has lost 13 pounds and honestly she looks sick like an anemic person.

She accept to have dinner all together(complete family, the four of us). We did it and was excellent! everything. then we had a little conversation about what my feelings are for her. I told her what I feel in my inside for her. She became silent. then she hug me(3 times). So...

I will take care a lot not to hurt her feelings and not to expressed what she doesn't want to hear right now.

I'm a little confused.


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## sacaanro (Jul 22, 2010)

Today is a different point of view. as of today, july 25th, 2010 my wife behave normally.we talked a few times a day and nothing went wrong between us.today's topic was her real needs and my real needs. We accepted that some things have to be worked in order to accept one another again. In the afternoon she call to invite me over to the house. Nothing that you can imagine...Lol! Just to share a glass of wine and talk about our regular life and things but nothing regard our situation. I passed a fantastic time and also she. We didn't kiss, just a hug! But we feel really comfortable on doing that instead of the jump. I think things are going in progress. Let's see what's going to happen in the next few day's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

As in any case where the woman starts playing this role, you must understand that NO woman who LOVES her man risks loosing him. She will fight to keep her man if she is attracted to his manliness.

You must be the man here, and you must NOT hinge on her every word. Now is the time to go out with some friends, work on the car, have a few drinks at the pub and engage in YOUR life. The more confident, successful and take-charge you are in your own life, the more she will want you.


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