# Need help, boyfriend flirts with his own cousins



## sam423 (Mar 7, 2012)

Been with my 22 year old boyfriend for 1.5 years. About 4 years ago, he met a girl at community college one year younger and flirted with her for about a week, until they exchanged last names and realized they were cousins (his dad has never been in his life, so he never grew up with this cousin and didn't know her until he met her by accident). Through her, he met her younger sister, who is currently 19. Not looking for a lecture on this, but I read through his phone in the mornings when he is still asleep (we only see each other on weekends). It's a habit I'm trying to move away from, but he has violated my trust multiple times and at the moment I find it's something I can't help but do. Younger cousin, 19, is very innocent and nice. For the first year or so of our relationship he was closer with her, and I've spent a significant amount of time with her. Found texts from him to her once where he said he was bored at home watching TV and he asked her to come cuddle/said his bed would be warmer if she was in it. 

But the texts between him and the older cousin are a bit more bothersome. He has talked to her in detail about some parts of our sex life, and she gives fairly graphic responses. She calls him things like "sexy" and "boo" and he calls her "babe" etc. She one time said she was bored so he said "we could get naked and start the revolution" (a line from a movie that he often says to me jokingly before sex). I've only ever met her once, very briefly, but she is much more outgoing/sexually forward than her younger sister.

I know I can't bring any of this up with him because I've wrongfully found the information, but it disturbs me deeply! I largely believe that he doesn't even realize that it's "over the line" and not really normal to talk to a cousin that way, but in my opinion, it's blatant flirting. I've had dreams of him cheating on me with the older cousin, and I get tense and upset whenever he mentions her/sees her (not to his knowledge). There are times when he'll mention to me that he's been talking with her, but then by the weekend he has deleted the text thread between them (but has left all his other text threads with other people). There was also one occurrence where I saw texts on a Saturday morning, and Sunday morning the texts were gone, but none of the others were. I am 100% certain he doesn't know I go through his phone.

Even if it doesn't mean anything romantically or sexually, it, at the very least, makes it feel like it means nothing when he flirts with me, because he obviously says the same things to other people. I once found out that he called one of his female friends "the most beautiful girl in the world" and his justification was always that "that's how he would talk to his cousins".

I know it's wrong that I go through his private things, but in the meantime, what do I do about this cousin business? It's beginning to eat away at me and makes me slightly uncomfortable around him. Am I overreacting?


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## HazelGrove (Feb 29, 2012)

Cousin shmousin. Dump him.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Don't ignore this! I had an ex who did the same thing, and I'm fairly certain it went beyond flirting (both were found alone in a shed at a family get-together my ex had so strangely wanted me to stay away from - but I went anyways ) I even confronted my ex on his flirting/sexual behavior towards his cousin in front of his own mother and she agreed with me! Left that guy pretty fast!!

I also had issues with my last boyfriend's relationship with his half-sister... They didn't grow up together and he flirted heavily with her and was always talking about how she was a virgin and how that "needed to change". Just too weird for me! 

One thing that really bothers me about your post, besides the obvious, is the amount of time they've "known" each other and the fact that the texts are explicit... Wondering if he's been like that with her during your whole relationship?

My advice? Leave him. He's got serious issues that I really can't see justifying, no matter how you slice it - and he will make you feel weird or abnormal for suspecting anything, even if you call him out on his texts. Cousins just don't do that. I sure as heck don't talk to my cousins like that!!! You don't want to be with someone twisted enough to talk to them the way he does.

I'm really sorry you're going through this - I know how awkward and confusing it can feel, but you need to deal with it now. I really hope you get through this with your sanity - I almost didn't!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## expatforlife (Jun 12, 2011)

This being his cousin has no relevance. Think as this as any other women. Do you want your bf to have that type of relationship with another women? I agree its time to move on.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

Is it possible that he is just telling you they are his cousins so he can talk to them without you being suspicious? I thought that had to be it until I read Yin's post. Either way it's messed up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

You've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste anymore of it in a relationship with this much emotional confusion for you. It is messed up. Whatever his reasons, don't hang around trying to figure them out. You deserve better, so let it go and move on with your own life and to a man who treats you the way you want and brings you happiness.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

sam423 said:


> ...... they exchanged last names and realized they were cousins ......through her, he met her younger sister, who is currently 19. Younger cousin, 19, is very innocent and nice. For the first year or so of our relationship he was closer with her, and I've spent a significant amount of time with her. Found texts from him to her once where he said he was bored at home watching TV and he asked her to come cuddle/said his bed would be warmer if she was in it.
> 
> But the texts between him and the older cousin are a bit more bothersome. He has talked to her in detail about some parts of our sex life, and she gives fairly graphic responses. She calls him things like "sexy" and "boo" and he calls her "babe" etc. She one time said she was bored so he said "we could get naked and start the revolution" ..........makes me slightly uncomfortable around him. Am I overreacting?



Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! And you're only *slightly* uncomfortable? No, you are not over-reacting. You are *under-reacting!!!!* RUN FAR AWAY FROM HIM as fast as you can. You'll be glad you did. 

BTW, are you in W. VA by chance? :scratchhead:


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

southern wife said:


> BTW, are you in W. VA by chance? :scratchhead:


:rofl:


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> :rofl:




Kentucky, perhaps?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

That.....is....awesome!

If it weren't disturbing I mean.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

southern wife said:


> Kentucky, perhaps?


Hey now! I'm from Fort Campbell!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Hey now! I'm from Fort Campbell!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, but you're not on here posting about swapping spit with your cousin! :rofl:


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

:rofl: I'm glad I'm not! LoL!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Leave him, dont waste you time with his twisted mind, It runs in the family, his cousins are the same.! you should ask why the fathers did not speak for so long that even they cousins did not know each other. Something is wrong with the entire family.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Ah, hot cousins. The forbidden fruit.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

"run run as fast as you can"


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Get away from him...like now. You can even tell him you saw the texts. It won't matter because he is going to lie anyway. I dated a guy who was a little too close with his step sister (not blood related, but still). She was under age and had a crush on him. I found texts between them that turned my stomach. Turns out, he ended up sleeping with her during a family vacation. BARF!! I never spoke to him again. I changed my phone number and everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I dated a guy who was a little too close with his step sister (not blood related, but still).


Guilty 
No blood relation as mum just married her dad. Don't see how it's wrong.

Cousins though... bleh!


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Guilty
> No blood relation as mum just married her dad. Don't see how it's wrong.


You may have missed,



staarz21 said:


> I dated a guy who was a little too close with his step sister (not blood related, but still). *She was under age* and had a crush on him. _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BLEH

Forget I said anything >.<
I should learn to read the whole post before replying!


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