# Please help



## Jaina Adams (May 21, 2019)

Hi I'm a new member and I really need to talk to someone tonight. I'm writing this post with teary eyes and can barely see the screen.

I'm 33, been married for 2.5 years and have a 1 year old. I consider myself the luckiest woman ever to have met a great person like my husband. He's always loving, caring and kind to me and have never upset me.

I had a traumatic experience over a year ago and immediately from that day on I wasnt the same person anymore. I was diagnosed with PTSD and post natal depressio. I have been feeling mostly normal since a few months ago after many medical and psychological interventions. 

Since I got married I was being verbally abused and insulted by my in laws. I was a new bride, over the moon and felt nothing can offend me. My husband never objected to this behaviour and I didnt raise my voice thinking I should be the wise daughter in law. This went on until my traumatic event. My in laws showed no empathy nor helped me or my husband and I felt they were gloating over my pain. I couldn't take it anymore and I chose not to see them anymore. My husband however continued to visit them. I never objected to this of course since its his family and I have no right to disturb their relationship. 

Recetly these visits are becoming more frequent and he gets invited for meals or outings. This breaks my heart and makes me very concerned about our future together. My logic is husbands and wives should support and honor each other and must not let anyone get in between them. I feel separating us during our meals is inappropriate and I'm home aloe more often now. 

I raised this issue with him tonight and I was heartbroken to hear him say I cannot dictate how he should see his family, I made my decision not to see them already and the rest is not up to me etc etc 

I'm just devastated that he could not understand where I was coming from. I tried to explain to him that getting invited for an event or dinner without his wife is rude and disrespectful to the wife and socially doesn't look good . I tried to explain that he has the right to visit them and politely excuse himself from the invitation and instead stick to his weekly casual visits. I'm devastated after he said he doesn't care how people see or think of our relationship as long as we are happy!

What do I do? I've been crying non stop and feel so hurt.


----------



## Hope4Better (Aug 9, 2021)

I am in a similar situation. Not in that a traumatic event happened, but I've been disrespected by my in-laws for several years now (also married 2.5 years), and it negatively affects my mental health in that I'm in a funk, tearful, for weeks after each time we see them. My husband doesn't stand up for me and even gets frustrated with me if I try to defend myself. He says it's just a fact that they'll be in our lives and doesn't give me an option to see them less (they make plans for them to stay with us from out of state multiple times per year and talk on the phone every day). A bad relationship with the in-laws puts such a strain on a marriage. What is most hurtful to me, and perhaps for you as well after reading your post, is that it feels like he chooses and prioritizes his family over his marriage, his wife's happiness and mental health; his biological family is more important than the family he chose. It's extremely hurtful. You're not alone. I too am struggling to find a resolution that maintains a successful marriage.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Think long term. Is this something you want to be a part of? Life is short. The only one that can keep you a prisoner is yourself.


----------

