# It's our anniversary tomorrow



## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

Tomorrow is our 5th wedding anniversary. He has asked if we can catch up - no pressure to talk. I think he just wants to spend it with me. I understand that, but right now I'm just numb to everything. I have 2 speeds - numb and frustrated. There's nothing much in between. Although I have compassion for him, I don't know if seeing him tomorrow will be a good thing. It's not a celebration. I've been so confused that my defence mechanism has kicked in and numbed me to most things. The only emotion that has managed to break through that thick layer of numbness is frustration, and I'm just over feeling that way. Maybe I'm depressed. Maybe that's the numbness. I do suffer from depression, but this isn't an awful, dark abyss, so it doesn't feel the way depression usually does. It's just a nothingness. Not bad. Not good. Not down. Not up. Just nothing. Flat.

Sorry. I just wanted to get that out there.


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## Honolulu (Oct 15, 2010)

I hope you made it through okay. Last month was my 15th wedding anniversary in the first month after we separated. My daughter had a sports game and we saw each other there. I couldn't even look at him or I would break down. He left a card in my car that said I thought of you today and it made me so angry. I wanted to rip it to shreds. How could he throw away our entire marriage and then give me a token of his thoughts on our anniversary. I went home and slept the entire day and night. Not the best solution but I felt better avoiding it all.


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## sbbs (Sep 21, 2009)

I hope the day went OK for you.

And how are you feeling now? Are you doing all right? Let us know.


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## healingme (Aug 21, 2010)

Thanks Honolulu and SBBS. It turned out ok. I had my laundry to do, so he brought his and we did our laundry at the laundromat. There's a little restaurant a few doors down from the laundry, so we went there and he shouted me to a nice dinner. We didn't discuss anything important. It was almost like a date, but with a slight undertone of weirdness. We're getting along ok. He's even coming to our family Boxing Day get-together, which is a stay-over thing being in the country. I'm a little on edge about it, but would rather he spent it with us (who he feels is his family) than on his own. 

I've since posted about my family's interference in our break up. I'm viewing this more like a temporary separation, yet it's still indefinite. I'm still confused about where this is going, and I honestly can't see us living together any time soon, but that's not to say there's no hope for us.


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