# Wife who admits she let fantasies of past lovers



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Wife who admits she let fantasies of past lovers from her 20s ruin marriage to her husband of 40 years

I posted this under infidelity because there have recently been threads about WS looking back at their affair as being “thrilling.” This article, while not technically involving infidelity seemed relevant.

Read more: Angela Neustatter who admits she let fantasies of past lovers ruin her marriage | Mail Online


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Graywolf2 said:


> Wife who admits she let fantasies of past lovers
> from her 20s ruin marriage to her husband of 40 years
> 
> Read more: Angela Neustatter who admits she let fantasies of past lovers ruin her marriage | Mail Online


From what I can tell of the article, both the past lovers in question were prior to her husband. So not sure what this has to do with infidelity. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

She wasn't really ready for marriage, and she didn't take to heart the phrase in her vows of "Forsaking All Others".

This article is a clear warning why ex-lovers should never be in any kind of contact unless absolutely necessary (such as shared children). Her descriptions of how she thought of her exes is quite close to the descriptions in the book "Women's Infidelity".

She should have had stronger boundaries around her relationship, including within her own mind.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Every source is a little different, but all of them follow the same pattern. The more sexual partners a lady has, the higher the divorce rate.










Good luck on actually getting the "true number".


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

sidney2718 said:


> You left off the end of that neat sentence. I'd write it as "Just a reaffirmation of how women live inside their heads while men live in the real world with nothing in their heads."


What color is the sky in your world? :scratchhead:


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Ripper said:


> Every source is a little different, but all of them follow the same pattern. The more sexual partners a lady has, the higher the divorce rate.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I kind of question that type of thinking there been many scenarios where a SO with less sexual history as cheated due to curiosity the 7 year itch as they say I think sexual history may be a factor but I don't believe it is the predominant factor.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Whether male or female, I think it is exceptionally foolish to live in fantasies and 'what if' make-believe about the past.

Doing so is far worse than just ignoring the real world one is living in.

Such fantasies are especially dangerous because the objects and persons of desire in them are idealized rather than flesh and blood characters.

The negative qualities, and believe me they are there or you probably wouldn't have split in the first place, are diminished or disappeared in the fantasy....these are not real people, but illusions of the mind.

But dwelling on them can have unfortunate consequences in the real world.

Actual partners in everyday life can never compare or compete...they will always come off looking second best.

I have always refused to reconnect with and date an ex because I have always understood this phenomena.

The couple of times where I was asked by an ex to consider the possibility I refused....I knew that essentially I was still the same person, and had no reason to believe they had fundamentally changed.

The things about our personalities that led us to realize the relationship wouldn't work in the past were therefore very likely to return after a brief 'honeymoon' period.

If it didn't work once, why would I believe it would suddenly work after a second try?

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result.

Just my .02


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Ripper said:


> Every source is a little different, but all of them follow the same pattern. The more sexual partners a lady has, the higher the divorce rate.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I don't buy this at all. Just because you have a chart, doesn't make it true. Who made this chart, what women were asked these questions, what was the demographics?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Rookie4 said:


> I don't buy this at all. Just because you have a chart, doesn't make it true. Who made this chart, what women were asked these questions, what was the demographics?


You realize, of course, that introducing facts is a bannable offense...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

first, not all women fantasize! LD ones do not, for instance.

2nd, properly used, a fantasy can be a GREAT sex booster for the marriage. woman is a little tired, had a long day, not feeling particularly sexy, looks at a magazine with brad pitt on the cover, starts to fantasize.....hubby walks in the door and she jumps him. i.e. the ideal case.

It sounds not that the woman in the article was fantasizing, it was that she was REMEMBERING past lovers, and comparing the husband to them. Not the same at all


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

xakulax said:


> I kind of question that type of thinking there been many scenarios where a SO with less sexual history as cheated due to curiosity the 7 year itch as they say I think sexual history may be a factor but I don't believe it is the predominant factor.


It is statistical analysis, you don't get the full story. Will there be instances where virgin brides commit infidelity? Yep, I think user "tears" had just such a situation. Still, if I had to play the odds again, I know which side of the chart I'm going for. 



Rookie4 said:


> I don't buy this at all. Just because you have a chart, doesn't make it true. Who made this chart, what women were asked these questions, what was the demographics?


I'm not asking you to "buy" anything. Do your own research if you are interested. Or not, if it conflicts with your world view. Here is some source material from those "agenda pushing" folks at the CDC. (PDF files)

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_022.pdf
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr049.pdf

And the below article also lists several studies and its source material.
Premarital Sex and Greater Risk of Divorce - Focus on the Family

If you are afraid I'm cherry picking, you can use Google as well. I'm sure the ladies at Jezebel.com have torn this thing apart already.

Also, another chart, just because you like them.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Rookie4 said:


> I don't buy this at all. Just because you have a chart, doesn't make it true. Who made this chart, what women were asked these questions, what was the demographics?


Apparently the data is from the NSFG (National Survey of Family Growth), part of the CDC (?)

I can't seem to find this actual data on their website, and it appears that somebody took this information (and credited the NSFG) and made a chart, seemingly to show the rate at which marriages fail in relation to how many sexual partners the _woman_ has had prior to marriage.

It appears as though this is from a religious website, and possibly a rather man-centric one, as well. There is no data (or charts) about men who have multiple partners.

The Social Pathologist: Promiscuity Data: Guest Post.

I'm sure the original data is accurate, however the chart and it's reason for being is a little sketchy, if you ask me.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Ripper, you've presented a case that any intelligent person with a smattering of common sense has no trouble understanding and accepting.

It is clear and logical.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Not an infidelity story. Just a reaffirmation of how women live inside their heads while men live in the real world.



Untrue. Men live in fantasy land all the time, it's just usually porn and sex related. Women spin romance fantasies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Ripper said:


> I'm not asking you to "buy" anything. Do your own research if you are interested. Or not, if it conflicts with your world view. Here is some source material from those "agenda pushing" folks at the CDC. (PDF files)


A direct quote from where the original chart came from:

"...was able to analyse several cycles of data from the National Survey of Family Growth with regard to the promiscuity effect on the risk of divorce.

_As far as I'm aware the data that has been obtained is not available anywhere in the published literature_. I'm not a statistician and cannot vouch for the veracity of the data but I believe the analysis was done truthfully and without bias."

In other words, the original data (from the CDC/NSFG) is NOT what you see in the chart(s). That is, it seems, two sets of unrelated data that somebody took upon themselves to generate a correlation between pre-marital sex partners and divorce rates.

That's not to say it's wrong, however it definitely doesn't make it correct, either.

So in essence, these charts (or at least the very first one posted here) are NOT gov't data, but rather derivitives of it, combined with other data to form an amateur analysis of marriage breakdowns vis-à-vis the number of sexual partners a _woman_ has had before marriage.

IMO, a handful of the comments below this "article" point very much to this site/blog being rather... anti-woman, but perhaps I'm reading too much into it.


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## z_man (Nov 1, 2013)

Ripper said:


> Every source is a little different, but all of them follow the same pattern. The more sexual partners a lady has, the higher the divorce rate.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


M2C

Knowing statistics, understanding that I have not conducted any research on my own, but looking at the chart and giving a +/- range to the data of 10% accuracy, the conclusion I would draw is that any women with from 1 to 9 previous partners is a 50/50 risk/reward, or... a flip of the coin.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

alexm said:


> Apparently the data is from the NSFG (National Survey of Family Growth), part of the CDC (?)
> 
> I can't seem to find this actual data on their website, and it appears that somebody took this information (and credited the NSFG) and made a chart, seemingly to show the rate at which marriages fail in relation to how many sexual partners the _woman_ has had prior to marriage.
> 
> ...




Not surprising pseudoscience disguising itself as hard statistical data Supply with a religious chauvinistic biased slant..


*To counter this junk science here is some more equally interesting junk science*


The Larger Your Penis, The More Likely Your Wife Will Cheat Says New Study

The Larger Your Penis, The More Likely Your Wife Will Cheat Says New Study


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Thor said:


> She wasn't really ready for marriage, and she didn't take to heart the phrase in her vows of "Forsaking All Others".
> 
> This article is a clear warning why ex-lovers should never be in any kind of contact unless absolutely necessary (such as shared children). Her descriptions of how she thought of her exes is quite close to the descriptions in the book "Women's Infidelity".
> 
> She should have had stronger boundaries around her relationship, including within her own mind.


I agree completely Thor. I wonder what Ollie thinks ? Then again, he may be loose morally as well. Sounds like he was her plan B at least mentally. I wouldn't get married to a person with her feelings and the way she portrays it now, she has no regrets


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

murphy5 said:


> first, not all women fantasize! LD ones do not, for instance.
> 
> 2nd, properly used, a fantasy can be a GREAT sex booster for the marriage. woman is a little tired, had a long day, not feeling particularly sexy, looks at a magazine with brad pitt on the cover, starts to fantasize.....hubby walks in the door and she jumps him. i.e. the ideal case.
> 
> It sounds not that the woman in the article was fantasizing, it was that she was REMEMBERING past lovers, and comparing the husband to them. Not the same at all


that's fine and dandy and it can be a booster but such fantasizing can also lead to experimentation and cheating too. What if she's at Safeway looking at the mag and gets hit on by a Brad Pitt looking type of guy minutes later ? The ideal case would be ok but a less than ideal case could spell trouble.

I agree not all women fantasize.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

wmn1 said:


> that's fine and dandy and it can be a booster but such fantasizing can also lead to experimentation and cheating too. What if she's at Safeway looking at the mag and gets hit on by a Brad Pitt looking type of guy minutes later ? .


well, then some fruit in the back room is gonna get crushed!:rofl:


what i was trying to say was a fantasy, by itself, is innocuous. LOTS of people have them, and althrough a little naughty, does not mean the spouse will cheat at the drop of a hat. How many copies of "50 shades of gray_ were sold? 40 million? How many women pick up cosmo or some pulp romance novel to read? They are ALL fantasizing as they read that "soft" porn. Sexual fantasy is mainstream USA now. 

As long as it means you are getting laid more frequently and in kinkier ways...it is all good.

The danger situation is, wife reads 50 shades, walks in to TV room wearing lingerie, asks for sex, husband says "not now, Fox News is on"....and leaves...her libido crushed. Then i agree, she might start thinking, "oh yeah?...i'll show him". In a normal relationship with healthy sex, not a problem though.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

xakulax said:


> Not surprising pseudoscience disguising itself as hard statistical data Supply with a religious chauvinistic biased slant..
> 
> 
> *To counter this junk science here is some more equally interesting junk science*
> ...



The women said it was the pain. Interesting.

What's also interesting is that the study was done in Kenya. Perhaps that should increase the female tourism for Kenya.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

xakulax said:


> The Larger Your Penis, The More Likely Your Wife Will Cheat Says New Study


OMG! I'm screwed!


:rofl:


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

General statements that men live in the real world don't wash. Plenty of examples of men buying into fantasies lock, stock and barrel.

People choose their poison.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

murphy5 said:


> OMG! I'm screwed!
> 
> 
> :rofl:



Your wife is likely to leave you? Perhaps you can find a Kenyan woman? I think the Kenyan women may have evolutionary adapted to their Kenyan men size.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"what i was trying to say was a fantasy, by itself, is innocuous."

I agree.

Daydreams and fantasies are normal and no problem at all in most situations.

I think the danger comes when it goes from, "Wow, that would be interesting and a lot of fun."...to, "Wow, that would be so much better than what I have to live with now."

There is a major difference....one involves mere fantasizing about a fun possibility, with no actual thoughts of ever making it a reality.

The other involves and active comparison between the fantasy and the real world a person lives in, and reality will always come off second best in that situation.

This can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction and possibly taking actions to replace the real world with Fantasyland....and we all know where that can lead.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

aug said:


> Your wife is likely to leave you? Perhaps you can find a Kenyan woman? I think the Kenyan women may have evolutionary adapted to their Kenyan men size.


Sweet, so there IS hope!:lol:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

aug said:


> Your wife is likely to leave you? Perhaps you can find a Kenyan woman? I think the Kenyan women may have evolutionary adapted to their Kenyan men size.


RACISM! Mods! RACISM!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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