# What to do about her



## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

So over the weekend, I went out to dinner with a girl that I met a week ago. She gave me her number, we planned when we were going to meet up. And I think it went pretty well. We spent a good amount of time talking about our lives, backgrounds, goals, personalities, etc, including some deep topics. I paid, we said our goodbyes. I thought of it as a nice "simple" first date.

I'm not a big believer of dating rules or the "three days rule" or anything, so I sent her a text around 24 hours later, telling her I had a good time getting to know her better over dinner. I also asked if she would like to go out for dinner again sometime. As the guy, I decided to initiate, so it would make it as easy for her as possible. I didn't want to take the risk of doing nothing, and possible not hearing back.

So far, a couple of days have passed and I've gotten no response from her, which is quite strange. She usually texts back within an hour with usually detailed responses. She did tell me that she was quite busy over the weekend with some lunch/dinner plans with a few friends. So I'm not sure if she's ignoring me, still thinking about it, or doesn't want to tell me.

I've looked a few previous threads on this issue and the takeaway is that no response probably means she isn't interested. I'm ready to move on, but I would like to hear a more definitive answer (either yes or no is fine with me), rather than not hearing back and wondering.

So what should I do? I was thinking to give her a couple of more days and hope she responds. If she doesn't contact me by then:

1) Should I ask her nicely for a definitive answer?
2) Or should I just simply move on, since the ball is in her court. Even if she was busy, she would probably text me back if I crossed her mind at all at some later time, right?

I'm concerned that if I choose option 2, I may never hear from her again, and it might get awkward if we happen to run into each other down the line.

Thoughts and/or advice anyone? Your responses are greatly appreciated.


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## pleasecoffee (Jun 18, 2015)

give her a week to reply, if nothing, move on. 

It's tough in the dating world. I have yet to make it passed the initial conversation.


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

Thank you for your response, but why give her a week? Why not 6 days, or 8?

A week just seems so arbitrary.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Nothing more is required on your part. Now it's up to her. She may be busy or not interested or whatever. If she responds, great. If not, move on. If you run into her somewhere, be pleasant but casual.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Unless you hear from her, move on.

Stay away from stalker status.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Typically, no answer is your answer. Many people consider it kinder to simply go silent than to try to explain the lack of attraction, more interest elsewhere, or whatever their reason is for not wanting to pursue things. Sure, give her as much time as you'd like to reply. But don't hold your breath. And do not contact her again to say you'd like a yes or no answer. That just comes across as demanding and vaguely creepy.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Rowan said:


> Typically, no answer is your answer. Many people consider it kinder to simply go silent than to try to explain the lack of attraction, more interest elsewhere, or whatever their reason is for not wanting to pursue things. Sure, give her as much time as you'd like to reply. But don't hold your breath. And do not contact her again to say you'd like a yes or no answer. That just comes across as demanding and vaguely creepy.


I agree if she was interested she would have been waiting for your text and would have responded. Texting and demanding an answer does come off kind of creepy. If anything that would make it really awkward if you do run into her again. Move on.


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

You did the right thing so far. Just leave it. She has your number from your text. It is rude, Imo, if she does not reply at all, but some people don't. I am going on my first "date" Friday from an online messaging of a few months. If I don't want to see him again, I will let him know in a nice way so he can move on.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

There's always the chance that your text didn't go thru, unlikely but possible. Give her a few more days, if she doesn't respond send her another text (or call) and just ask if she is interested in getting together again. No response means move along.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

Generally no response means no interest... ball is in her court, texting again is creeper status... 

lol I had a friend recently who decided not to go on a second date with a guy solely because he licked his fingers once during dinner...don't take anything personal who knows the reason she decided not to pursue you...


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Ball is in her court. Since she has not responded, move on. Let her peruse you at this point.


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

Do not text her again and do not stop meeting other women. 

While it is considered rude by many, you went on ONE date, you don't know each other and do not owe each other anything. 

The whole, wait one week, 8 days, etc....I don't get what you are saying. Wait 6 days to forget about her? Just move on now and if you have a chance, see her again. If not you are still meeting other women anyway so just keep mingling. You are nowhere near the point of needing to hold off on asking another woman out. 

If/when, she contacts you again, do not get into a prolonged text/chat, think that she wants to see you (if she doesn't text you to say she doesn't) and ask her when she is free to get together again.

I STRONGLY urge you to look up Corey Wayne on google or you tube.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Tobin said:


> so I sent her a text around 24 hours later, telling her I had a good time getting to know her better over dinner. I also asked if she would like to go out for dinner again sometime. As the guy, I decided to initiate, so it would *make it as easy for her as possible.*


Good thought, but you really didn't. You still left her many open ended questions. Do I want to go out again with him? If we do, where? When would we? What if he can't on XXday? What if he doesn't like XX restaurant?

"I had a good time getting to know you better over dinner. Let's do it again. How's XXX at 7 on XXXX?" would have been better.



AnonMale22 said:


> Maybe even something like "had a fun time - thought we might have made a connection. Seems like I'm not what you're looking for now - am I misreading you? If you're still interested in a second date, let me know - otherwise I'll stop texting and maybe see you around"
> 
> Probably not going to lure her back with that but if I was going to move on anyway at least it communicates my feelings. And communication is kind of the key thing in a relationship.
> 
> ...


Quite a long second text to someone who didn't respond to the first!

I'm not a fan of "giving an out". It increases that chance it'll be taken.

No need to do anything to leave a door open. The first text already did. 

If she didn't get the text and IS actually interested, she'll reach out.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I have been on both sides of this, I have been both ghoster and ghostee, lol. I have been on a few first dates that I thought went well, and never heard from the guy again. I was a little bummed, but at that point had little invested. I have also been on first dates where I found myself waiting for it to end right from the start, and never responded back to the guy afterward. Not a nice thing to do, I know, but I have tried before to let someone down and it became kind of a battle. Also had dates where NEITHER of us ever contacted the other again, lol!


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

You went out Saturday... You texted her Sunday and she hasn't responded.. Your done... 

I don't give a sh!t how busy someone is.. They are not that busy that they can't hit you off a text message telling you that.. 

Even if she Texted you today I would respond back maybe an hour later but wouldn't put any stock into it.. 

If someone is into you, they are into you.. That stuff happens really fast.. I really do believe women know in moments if its a hit or miss.. 

She probably had a really good game face or you just got a mixed message..


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I know I am in the "wrong" here according to all dating advice I've ever received from men and women, both inexperienced and not. For me, an unacknowledged message means I do not know the recipient received it, and I will persist until I'm mostly certain my message was received (if no text reply I'd call and if not answered hopefully went to voicemail and I left a voice message). If she is truly not interested and was ghosting me, well then I don't really care if it bothers her that I'm being "stalkerish", so I give up when I feel like I'm wasting my time on it. (I expect any woman who is interested in me to also be willing to show a little initiative - again "wrong" according to the unpublished dating rules, but screw that I go to the beat of my own drum).

When I was dating, I met up with one lady and we had an OK first date, I texted her the next day and said I had a good time... after a few days she messaged me back wondering why I didn't contact her after our first date - I explained that I did, then she realized she screwed up and deleted it before reading it. We were both glad she contacted me back rather than presuming I ghosted her because we had several more dates after that and had some good chemistry for awhile.


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