# Nice girl vs Beotch, what do guys want?



## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

After seeing the title of a book that suggests men love beotches, I have come to ask a question...Do men really preferr a beotch over a nice girl?

I have recently divorced my H due to his continuted infidelity. My previous outlook on marriage had me putting many of his needs ahead of mine. I understood men need buddy time and had no issues with him hanging out with his buddies after hockey or softball, even going out with them for guy time wasn't an issue for me. I am relatively low maintenance and let him have his motorcycles, muscle car and boat before I would get something for me. I knew he had a rough childhood and had little of anything, but to me materialistic items aren't really an issue.

I am not unattractive and many people guess me to be in my late 20's to mid 30's, I am actually in my early 40's. I am well educated, make a good living for myself, so I am not "needing" a man in my life, but would "like" one.

Is trying to be supportive of your H and allowing him his toys really being too nice? I really don't want to make the same mistake twice. So tell me guys, what kind of women does a guy want for a partner?

*Disclaimer....I'm not really looking for a physical descriptions, sorry.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

always_hopefull said:


> Is trying to be supportive of your H and allowing him his toys really being too nice? I really don't want to make the same mistake twice. So tell me guys, what kind of women does a guy want for a partner?
> 
> *Disclaimer....I'm not really looking for a physical descriptions, sorry.


i think to a point, it could be too nice.
but going completely the other way is bad too.
i think you need to find a good balance, be good to him but also be good to yourself too.
i think too far either way is not good.
i think the key to everything succeeding in anything is a good balance by both parties.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I think this is the female version of "No More Mr. Nice Guy". I don't think men like *****es. I think they like women who don't act like doormats. I actually think men like women who are not only giving, but also expect their mate to be giving.

I actually have read several studies on infidelity that have found that the partner who gives less in the marriage is the one who cheats. Giving is essentially investing in the marriage and when you don't give, you aren't invested and so it's easier to cheat. Makes sense to me.

Your husband cheated because he is a weak, insecure person and it really has NOTHING to do with your desirability. I hope you know that. Don't take on his baggage!

So instead of asking what men want in a woman, why don't you figure out what you want in a man? Someone who can be faithful and giving would be a good start!

Happy New Year! I hope 2012 is a great year for you.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Same as always, kitten in public, tiger in bed.


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## jj2213 (Jan 1, 2012)

In short, shaggy is right, but your mistake may have been "marriage" rather than trying to be something you're not.

Unless you withheld sex from him, you probably did nothing wrong other than "marry the wrong guy". The problem is that you ALWAYS marry "the wrong guy" because there's almost always something that the guy doesn't tell you that you learn about later and it would have been a deal breaker if you had only known. Either that or you just grow apart over the years. The same thing works for guys.

Now of course, sometimes you marry the wrong guy/girl and he/she is so incompatible with you that you just have to divorce and he/she is a complete idiot/fool/loser in your eyes after you come to your senses and learn more about them, and other times you marry the wrong person and you say "I'd never have married him/her if I had only known" but it's not SO bad that it's worth going through the pains of a divorce and losing half your money you worked for while they sat on their butt and so on. Those are the "happy marriages" that last. lol. funny but true.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

For me the beotches can stay where they are well away from me. It sounds like you and your H didn’t have any/many shared interests? If that was the case then perhaps that’s the best thing to look for in the future. I think it very much more important to have a partner with shared interests once all the child rearing is done and we’re in our 40 plus phase. And I think it gets more important as the years go by, enjoying things like tennis, golf, walking, cycling, archaeology, house renovation, adventure travel type things together.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Laurae1967 said:


> I think this is the female version of "No More Mr. Nice Guy". I don't think men like *****es. I think they like women who don't act like doormats. I actually think men like women who are not only giving, but also expect their mate to be giving.


Wanted to second this part...

In my marriage, my wife would probably be considered the one more giving by any outside observer. Her attitude is pretty much let me do whatever I want, and she puts some of my needs ahead of hers. Our problems started when I started to realize I really didn't need a lot of the things she was doing for me, and a lot of the things I did need, she wouldn't do, even if I asked. 

I actually said to her a very similar line as Laurae posted - "I want you to expect more out of me, and I want you to be open to what my real expectations are out of you." She will counter every time with, "I want us to love each other for who we are." And so problems develop.



Laurae1967 said:


> I actually have read several studies on infidelity that have found that the partner who gives less in the marriage is the one who cheats. Giving is essentially investing in the marriage and when you don't give, you aren't invested and so it's easier to cheat. Makes sense to me.


This makes sense but on some deeper level I think it is important to realize that just because someone is giving, it doesn't mean the partner is receiving anything. The real trick is to figure out the love languages and such and be sure that when you are giving someone something, it is the love they want to receive.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

A nice girl is a biatch with public manners. (just kidding)


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Men want 4 things from a woman!

F**k, work, cook, look good!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I can't imagine any guy really wanting a beotch for any kind of relationship. What he!! that would be, I think. But, being a totally nice doormat isn't good either. How boring that would be! 

Instead of worrying about what a guy would want, take a look at what you would want - in yourself, in a relationship. Take a look at what kinds of things you can improve within yourself to complete yourself. Learn to validate yourself independent of others.

Any person, male or female, is so much more attractive if they are confident, positive, motivated, enthusiastic, and just generally comfortable in their own skin and joyful in their own life. They set appropriate boundaries for things they will and will not tolerate; they have a healthy respect for themselves and others.

You may want to check out something like the following book (there are any number of other good ones as well) and ponder some of this as you move forward in to singlehood again. Contemplate not on what you need to mold yourself into to meet someone else's ideal. Contemplate instead on what you need to do to mold yourself into YOUR own ideal - to be the best person that YOU can be.

Amazon.com: Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes (9780446673860): Duke Robinson: Books

Best wishes.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> I think this is the female version of "No More Mr. Nice Guy". I don't think men like *****es. I think they like women who don't act like doormats. I actually think men like women who are not only giving, but also expect their mate to be giving.
> 
> *I actually have read several studies on infidelity that have found that the partner who gives less in the marriage is the one who cheats. Giving is essentially investing in the marriage and when you don't give, you aren't invested and so it's easier to cheat.* Makes sense to me.
> 
> ...


I really think you hit the nail on the head with that one, he has never been invested in this marriage. In retrospect I see that now.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Same as always, kitten in public, tiger in bed.


I didn't think sex was an issue, I have only had one rule and thta was I do not share well with others. No affairs, no threesomes etc.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

I have just come to realize within the last half hour that it really isn't my fault. I truly believe the man to be sick. He previously had what I thought to be an ea with his nephew's wife, however, I have come to learn today that it was a pa! Happy Fricken New Years to me!


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> Men want 4 things from a woman!
> 
> F**k, work, cook, look good!


Sorry, but we have to take away your WOMAN membership. Please hand in your card at the central office by tomorrow by noon. You are officially no longer a member of our gender. That is all.

Serioulsy, that is just scary.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> Sorry, but we have to take away your WOMAN membership. Please hand in your card at the central office by tomorrow by noon. You are officially no longer a member of our gender. That is all.
> 
> Serioulsy, that is just scary.


:iagree:


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

I have read the "Why Men Marry Beotches" (lol). It was an entertaining read! The acronym is IIRC "Babe In Total Control of Herself"? The author is basically advocating the female equivalent of not being a "Nice Guy." Not actually being a beotch.

IMO a lot of what she says makes sense. In my very humble experience, being a "nice girl" is appealing but only up to a point. When I am a beotch, ie basically asserting myself in a reasonable way against unreasonable behaviour from my OH, his response is always preferable to when I react in a nice girl way. I just wish I had learned a loooong time ago that yes, it is actually okay to say what I think and stand up for ME. The world won't end and you get a lot more respect that way.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Laurae1967 said:


> Sorry, but we have to take away your WOMAN membership. Please hand in your card at the central office by tomorrow by noon. You are officially no longer a member of our gender. That is all.
> 
> Serioulsy, that is just scary.


You don’t know GP, she’s seriously feminine and one very nice lady.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

The sexiest thing a woman can be, is confident.

The most unsexy thing a woman can be, is a *****.

For whatever reason, the world today has an overabundance of mean, nasty, angry, self-centered, shrews that pride themselves on being *****y. 

Most men don't want a weak willed servant any more than they want an angry dictator.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Laurae1967 said:


> Sorry, but we have to take away your WOMAN membership. Please hand in your card at the central office by tomorrow by noon. You are officially no longer a member of our gender. That is all.
> 
> Serioulsy, that is just scary.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I like your joke!

Those words are the words my husband gave me! And he loves me tremendously for that! 

Of course there are a lot of other reasons, like being responsible for money, respectful to his family, etc!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

AFEH said:


> You don’t know GP, she’s seriously feminine and one very nice lady.


  

Bob, 

Thanks for that!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I have not read through this thread ...

But I'll go with the wanting a "Lady on the street nd freak in the bed". To me that is a Nice Woman. In no way would I ever be attracted to nor want to be around a beotch of any kind.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

always_hopefull said:


> After seeing the title of a book that suggests men love beotches, I have come to ask a question...Do men really preferr a beotch over a nice girl?


I seen this book in Barnes & Noble, the title really catches your attention ! Amazon.com: Why Men Love *****es: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship (9781580627566): Sherry Argov: Electronics 

I bought it on amazon cheap a few days later - but the one about "Men Marrying Bi***es" instead -just for the fun of it. 

I see this book as the women's version of not being taken advantage of.... kinda like "*No More Mr Nice Guy*" - how the man doesn't end up a doormat, wrapped around his woman's finger, this book is written for women who are living for their men at any cost, giving too much , being taken advantage of, to the detriment of themselves and need to Woman up, so their men will not get "bored" with them. It happens sometimes when a girlfriend or a spouse is TOO giving, when not getting her needs met in return. 

I recall one post on here by Deejo saying he would never want a "wall flower" of a woman, I think that about sums it up..... Men want someone who has some backbone, confidence, feisty, assertive , they can handle some conflict, not overly sensitive, can carry their own, this IS precisely the tone of that book (only read a few pages).

I'm with Greenpearl too - in what she said.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Men want someone who has some backbone, confidence, feisty, assertive , they can handle some conflict, not overly sensitive, can carry their own, this IS precisely the tone of that book (only read a few pages).


I agree with that! 

I forgot to add another important word! TALK!

Men want women who can have good conversation with them. Companionship and friendship with his wife!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Men want someone who has some backbone, confidence, feisty, assertive , they can handle some conflict, not overly sensitive, can carry their own, this IS precisely the tone of that book


Yes, and that doesn't mean a lady has to be a biatch to be all that.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Nice girl!! Hands down everyday.....!!

I really think $ex is all the same for the most part anyway. I think of all the people I've been with and it's all about the same. Some were more aggressive some less, but after time and talking it all ended up about the same. Except for variety I don't think it matters.....which brings me to day to day life I would much rather a nice girl than a Beotch!!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Why? Freud said everyone marries their mother, that's why.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

I like what SimpleAmorous said...

I think my wife is way too passive. I would like her to stand up for herself. I would like some conflict just to ignite some passion. Many times I try to pick a fight (argument) just for fun and never takes the bait. How else can we have make-up sex? I want for her to have a backbone and stand up to me as well as her family. I have never known what she expects out of me. I would like her to encourage me to be better and at the same time, I would like for her to set goals for herself. I want her to have a life outside of the home and not be so co-dependent.That was great 20 years ago but now? 

I love people who are passionate about whatever it is they enjoy. 

As far as the OP... You can be nice and still have confidence. I think you would have a hard time being a bit**. Nice is just fine Maybe add a little air of mystery. Keep your man on his toes


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> I think this is the female version of "No More Mr. Nice Guy". I don't think men like *****es. I think they like women who don't act like doormats.


True. Noody likes doormats, male or female


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> I will admit my stomach did turn a weee bit in reading your words but now that I know you I then giggled. When I read Laurae's response I laughed even louder. It would have been exactly what I would have written before getting to know you.


I know! 

You would have been the same a year ago! :rofl:

But then I told my husband, if a man wants his wife to be able to have all those qualities, he himself has to be a wonderful man! 

You meet hers, she meets yours, that's it!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Trenton said:


> If it works for the two of you and many others I'm all for it. Truth is, I expect more and won't accept less. I know, I know, that's my whole problem.


One time I read the post " One size doesn't fit all ", I didn't think too much about it back then, but now I spend more time pondering it, it does have some truth in it. 

We are all different individuals, our culture is different, our parents are different, the way we grew up is different, the way we think is different, the problems we have are different, the result we have will be different even though we apply the same principle. 

We have own imperfection to deal with, then we face our partner's imperfection. 

We try to look for answers from others, we try to seek guidance from others, in the end, we only find that what works for others doesn't work for us, so we have to find our own way and our own solution. 

Find out what our own problems are, face them, deal with them, and solve them!


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Have you ever heard a man say they love when their wife has PMS? Didn't think so. There's your answer.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Trenton said:


> I will admit my stomach did turn a weee bit in reading your words but now that I know you I then giggled. When I read Laurae's response I laughed even louder. It would have been exactly what I would have written before getting to know you.


Oddly enough, I felt like I was channeling you when I wrote it. I thought about using "I just threw up in my mouth a little....and not in a good way", but didn't want you to sue me for plagiarism!


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## Duke (May 15, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> Have you ever heard a man say they love when their wife has PMS? Didn't think so. There's your answer.


Great answer! My answer would be 50% sweetheart, 50% $lut. That adds up to 0% b!tch.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

always_hopefull said:


> After seeing the title of a book that suggests men love beotches, I have come to ask a question...Do men really preferr a beotch over a nice girl?
> 
> I have recently divorced my H due to his continuted infidelity. My previous outlook on marriage had me putting many of his needs ahead of mine. I understood men need buddy time and had no issues with him hanging out with his buddies after hockey or softball, even going out with them for guy time wasn't an issue for me. I am relatively low maintenance and let him have his motorcycles, muscle car and boat before I would get something for me. I knew he had a rough childhood and had little of anything, but to me materialistic items aren't really an issue.
> 
> ...


You sound like a good catch. Your husband made a huge mistake taking you for granted.

To answer your question, NO men do not like crazy beotches but from personal experience the reason some of us me (myself included) literally trap ourselves with a beotch because we are thinking with the wrong head or just disregard the red flags. Before you know it we are a shell of a man and the beotch moves on to another victim. 

The issue is that beotches are market themselves and the nice girl and then bait and switch. So in short, men do not like beotches.


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## Minncouple (Sep 9, 2009)

I may be the oddity here, but:

I want....

* A partner, 100% equal. NOT someone to dominate, or dominate me.
* Someone I can trust
* Someone who values me, puts forth the same efforts I do into our marriage
* Someone who can stand alone, not saying that in a bad way, but could not stand being with a women who cant handle anything and relies on the man for direction or guidance.
* A friend
* Sometimes a beotch, sometimes a nice girl, sometimes a ****, sometimes a librarian. A guess someone who knows when/where to be what.

There you go.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Minncouple said:


> I may be the oddity here, but:
> 
> I want....
> 
> ...


I don't think you are odd at all.... my husband would agree with your every word. I can be VERY SWEET and lady like when we are out & about, attentive, even nice....then when called for I can put my combat boots on & " take charge of a situation and get things accomplished, one might wonder what happened to that "sweet" woman ...... I have many faces...and every one purely authentic -depending on the situation.....

...he is my BEST FRIEND, my equal.... I used to think being a Librairian would be the coolest Job for me since I am a bookaholic ..... I am THE Researcher at our house, the creative force.....and I can surely be a **** too. 

Just learned those skills in the last 3 yrs though, some of us are late bloomers.


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## Toxicgoober (Jan 6, 2012)

If that's how you were with you last BF/H, and you have the attributes you say, I would love nothing more than that. That's my perfect woman. In reality, most women are not like that, and you have to choose between a nice/prude/insecure girl, or a beotch/sexual/unfaithful woman. There are an extreme few women that possess even a basic balance between the two. I do not have a clue why. I would imagine that it goes the same for the selection of men or you probably wouldn't be asking the question. Too bad the people who would appreciate each other don't meet more often.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> Have you ever heard a man say they love when their wife has PMS? Didn't think so. There's your answer.


That is the best laugh I have had in awhile!


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Many thanks for all the responses. I have appreciated all your advice and input. I truly think that it will be his loss when he fianlly realizes what hes lost.


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Minncouple said:


> I may be the oddity here, but:
> 
> I want....
> 
> ...


Wow such a great post! Can't agree more!

I want someone that can take lead, not a follower who will kiss my feet and do what I want. Yet I expect her to not use that leadership skills on me and try to change me, rather know how to work together.

Very very very very (do I need to add more very's?) few women know how to do it.

And whoever finds such a women, is blessed.


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## Dday and Mam (Feb 14, 2011)

1. Integrity
2. Honesty
3. Confident, not arrogant.
4. Laughs, but not at others' issues.
5. Kind, but not to the point of being taken advantage of by anyone.
6. Refined, but not uptight.
7. Humble, but not afraid to speak up.


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