# Was She Insensitive or Cheating



## Maurice L (Nov 23, 2020)

my wife works in the hotel industry for several years where she befriended a male coworker who worked in the same department. Do you understand I do not have a car to pick up from work which was about 1.5 miles from our home. Her coworker who was a bit older would bring home each night at about 930 pm and instead of her getting out of the car she would have 30 minutes to 90 minute conversation with him in front of the house. I confronted her about thus odd behavior but she continued to sit and talk with him for about 2 years. He had even come to family events at times. To further complicate matters they both worked in housekeeping and prepared rooms for guest as partners. Am I Crazy?? I actually could except a Job fling to some degree but the sitting in front of house at least to three times a week was suspect and hard to accept.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So neither of you drive?


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## Maurice L (Nov 23, 2020)

manfromlamancha said:


> So neither of you drive?


not at that point. Other relatives worked there as well but and lived nearby. I don’t know it is what it is


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

That kind of relationship is a hard no. If this was temp helpful and the guy became a friend of you both one may accept this person as a family friend. 

Which is what would happen if she was providing an ear for him and looking for ways to be supportive in a friend way.

Absent that there is skulduggery afoot.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You were ok with using him as a taxi service but didn't want her to be friendly to him? Do you work?


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

With the ability to talk all day working together, or even at breaks and lunches......AND....another 30-90min. after work??

I would change the ''or'' to an ''and'' in the thread title.

Yes to both.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

So why didn't she invite him in to visit with both of you?

This one is hard for me because it's nonsense.

I've gotten rides home from women co-workers and we chatted on the way and then I got out when she dropped me off.

Mrs. Conan would have come out in the car with us if we just sat there for an hour or more.

I would have had an immediate talk with my wife if she even did it once and it wouldn't have been repeated. I would also involve myself directly with the "friend". He would be treated civilly and even friendly if he was worth it but he would have no doubt who was the true king of my wife's jungle.

Is this still going on? Is she still spending extra time with him?


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## Maurice L (Nov 23, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> You were ok with using him as a taxi service but didn't want her to be friendly to him? Do you work?


im a professor and consultant for nyc now but I was a student, Parttime bodyguard and bouncer.


Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> That kind of relationship is a hard no. If this was temp helpful and the guy became a friend of you both one may accept this person as a family friend.
> 
> Which is what would happen if she was providing an ear for him and looking for ways to be supportive in a friend way.
> 
> Absent that there is skulduggery afoot.


I feel that just cant verify it. Like who does that?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Maurice L said:


> im a professor and consultant for nyc now but I was a
> 
> I feel that just cant verify it. Like who does that?


No one. That's pretty much the answer. 

Without speaking in absolutes it's very likely a sign of deeper problems in your M. Thoughtful Ws don't do this.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Thoughtful Ws don't do this.


Correct. Your wife needs to provide ANSWERS as to why she did this.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Did I read you right?

Did you actually say you could accept a fling at her work but parking outside your home for an hour or more every night was too much?


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## Maurice L (Nov 23, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Did I read you right?
> 
> Did you actually say you could accept a fling at her work but parking outside your home for an hour or more every night was too much?


Kinda so jokingly but Its understandable. Statistics are real. If fact they are lowballing it at 40% of women. You may be surprised at the behavior of good, church-going, committed mothers, morally grounded women do when no ones looking. Shame suppresses truth on surveys.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Maurice L said:


> Shame suppresses truth.


While I understand this statement, I'd like to also add that shame is the vehicle by which we are brought to repentance. I'm afraid, in this "PC" culture we now live in, "shame" is considered "bad". While, in reality, when we do things we ought not, we damned well SHOULD be ashamed.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Maurice L said:


> Kinda so jokingly but Its understandable. Statistics are real. If fact they are lowballing it at 40% of women. You may be surprised at the behavior of good, church-going, committed mothers, morally grounded women do when no ones looking. Shame suppresses truth on surveys.


I'm very aware of actual infidelity rates and am no stranger to it.

I am also absolutely unaccepting of a hint of it in my marriage.

It doesn't just happen like catching a cold.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Maurice L said:


> im a professor and consultant for nyc now but I was a student, Parttime bodyguard and bouncer.
> 
> I feel that just cant verify it. Like who does that?


You seem to have a passive disposition for a NYC bouncer and bodyguard! Who cannot drive!


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> I'm very aware of actual infidelity rates and am no stranger to it.
> 
> *I am also absolutely unaccepting of a hint of it in my marriage.*
> 
> It doesn't just happen like catching a cold.


Amen brother.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

manfromlamancha said:


> You seem to have a passive disposition for a NYC bouncer and bodyguard! Who cannot drive!


Ah, not wishing to be rude, but I am....

I take it you are not an English professor, correct?


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