# Do you get aroused by watching or thinking about your partner with another person?



## Jamestone

Ok, this question is a little taboo for us married couples but there are LOTS of people who get sexually turned on from being a voyeur of their partner. I personally have thought about this some and struggled with my thoughts on the subject. I am 100% sure I could not enjoy watching her with another man physically, for any reason. As for the virtual world of internet, texting, videophone, I am not sure what I think, but it could be very hot and arousing. Of course this is something both parties have to be comfortable with. You cant ask your wife to do or husband if its not something that excites them. 

Is there anyone who has done something like this before? What happened? Did it have the desired results you wanted? Did it make your sex life with your partner better? Please share.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn

NO!!!!!!!


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## karole

No, it pisses me off to think of my spouse with another person.............


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## Jamestone

LOL. How do you really feel though? LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy

It would be my worst nightmare. Nothing about that arouses me.


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## Deejo

Very common fantasy that has been expressed here. The party line is solid; it should remain a fantasy.

Are there folks here that have done it? Yes. Is it a solution to an ailing marriage?

The feedback there is overwhelming as well. No. Not ever. 

You need two incredibly close, open, and emotionally honest and mature people to possibly have an event like this be a 'good thing' for your relationship. It's rare.

Overwhelmingly the experiences shared on this board have been bad ones. There are some folks here that have had good experiences, but they aren't the norm on this board.


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## Jamestone

I was assuming this would be an all or nothing type question. Just remember my question was about the virtual side and not a physical encounter. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound

No! As a matter of fact I get fighting mad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo

Ex and I talked about it extensively. Not actually swapping, but being in the presence of other couples, being watched. It was really exciting, but it never left the realm of fantasy.


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## samyeagar

Deejo said:


> Ex and I talked about it extensively. Not actually swapping, but being in the presence of other couples, being watched. It was really exciting, but it never left the realm of fantasy.


This seems to be a different situation though. While I would not in a million years even entertain the thought of sharing my STBW, even in the hypothetical, I wouldn't have that big of an issue being watched, and neither would she. I think she would get off on it more than I would, though that is something that hasn't happened and will likely stay in fantasy land.


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## Jamestone

I get you deejo. Do you both feel the same way about it or does it just excite you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MaritimeGuy

Some theorize that it's a primitive instinct for us to produce increased sperm when we know our woman has been with another man and want to mate with her as soon as possible, presumaby to "flood" out the other males sperm. I think it's referred to as "sperm wars". This could be interpreted as increased arousal. 

I don't know if it's a valid theory or just something someone made up.


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## Married but Happy

No, it has no appeal for us.

On the other hand, we've been swingers and swapped with other couples. We've had a great time with that, but for us the excitement comes from the newness and variety of different people. Many people in the swinger community do greatly enjoy watching each other, however, and some even prefer watching to participating.


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## Deejo

Jamestone said:


> I get you deejo. Do you both feel the same way about it or does it just excite you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Honestly? I find the desire to watch someone else 'take' your partner inherently weak.

My role is to make my partner feel safe and desired. If she believes that should extend to bringing other people into the bedroom, we would require a very long, serious conversation.

I believe in sexual exclusivity. In other words, I don't share.


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## firebelly1

Deejo said:


> Honestly? I find the desire to watch someone else 'take' your partner inherently weak.
> 
> My role is to make my partner feel safe and desired. If she believes that should extend to bringing other people into the bedroom, we would require a very long, serious conversation.
> 
> I believe in sexual exclusivity. In other words, I don't share.


Oh no. You have said something that dulls your shiny image for me Deejo. You don't share...but you do expect the women you're with to share you? Am I getting that right? I haven't read all your posts so may be missing something.


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## melw74

Never. I cant think of anything worse......

I hate the thought of my husband with another. I remember tho you said on another thread that you thought there was nothing wrong with flirting, and you think its Okay to do this, and you yourself are a flirt??.

I would be really worried and insecure if i was married to you.


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## samyeagar

firebelly1 said:


> Oh no. You have said something that dulls your shiny image for me Deejo. You don't share...but you do expect the women you're with to share you? Am I getting that right? I haven't read all your posts so may be missing something.


Nah...when he says he believes in exclusivity, that goes both ways for him. He doesn't share himself either.


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## GTdad

Not only is it the epitome of weakness in my view, it's hugely disrespectful.

Demoting your wife to a performer in a live porn show to get your jollies? Really?

I get different strokes, but this entire concept is utterly alien to me.


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## firebelly1

In all the monogamous relationships I've been in I have thought it would devastate me to see my partner with someone else. Not sure that inclination is going to change in me. But I do like to watch and be watched so I think it would be a turn on to have someone watching us in person. 

I think you're asking how we feel about having sex with our partners on cam for an audience. I actually feel hesitant about this possibility 'cause I'm just not sure who the audience would be - creepers or my boss? I mean, you can make sure you're face isn't seen, but I'm pretty vocal. Someone might recognize my voice. That would be my hesitation around that.


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## Jamestone

Its interesting to see how quickly some people pounce on others questions and thoughts. Also, some ars still focusing on sharing your husband or wife physically with another person. This is NOT what the question was asking. It was asking do you get aroused when the opposite sex finds your significant other attractive and if anyone has ever or fantasizes about their partner exciting another memeber of the opposite sex. 

The site can be funny sometimes. You are allowed to have any kind of sexual desire as long as it does not go against soemone elses desires and then you are a bad person. Crazy how some people assume they know you from just a few words. 

Yes Mel, i personally feel flirting is good for you. Once again we all have a definition of whats flirting and what is crossing a line. And as for you feeling insecure with someone like me thats a personal prefrerence of yours and probably why you would never be in a relationship witb someone who feels as I do on this topic. But thats normal. We all have things we look for in a partner. And just becuse you like something I dont agree with does not make you a bad person to me nor do I feel the need to say you would make me insecure. Thats what makes relationships so great, there are a million different combinations of likes and dislikes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby

I don't even share food off my plate, so nope I would certainly never share my woman. I feel rage when someone who isn't a relative of hers even trys to hug my wife. She actually finds it endearing that I feel this way. 

On a side note I was propositioned by a leathery looking older couple down in Florida once. I don't know what was more offensive, the husband's assumption that I would jump at the chance. Or the fact that their appearance forever ruined in my mind the notion that swinging couples are attractive. No thanks. Probably one of the most degrading experiences I've ever had. Sad to me really. How can you just offer your wife up to a stranger like that?


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## Jamestone

Firebelly, you are getting to what i was suggesting. And it did not have to be on cam, could be sexting, or chatroom. Any of those other avenues to "play" without really playing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## firebelly1

Jamestone said:


> Its interesting to see how quickly some people pounce on others questions and thoughts. Also, some ars still focusing on sharing your husband or wife physically with another person. This is NOT what the question was asking. It was asking do you get aroused when the opposite sex finds your significant other attractive and if anyone has ever or fantasizes about their partner exciting another memeber of the opposite sex.
> 
> The site can be funny sometimes. You are allowed to have any kind of sexual desire as long as it does not go against soemone elses desires and then you are a bad person. Crazy how some people assume they know you from just a few words.
> 
> Yes Mel, i personally feel flirting is good for you. Once again we all have a definition of whats flirting and what is crossing a line. And as for you feeling insecure with someone like me thats a personal prefrerence of yours and probably why you would never be in a relationship witb someone who feels as I do on this topic. But thats normal. We all have things we look for in a partner. And just becuse you like something I dont agree with does not make you a bad person to me nor do I feel the need to say you would make me insecure. Thats what makes relationships so great, there are a million different combinations of likes and dislikes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And here was me thinking you meant having sex with your partner on film. Hmmm...wonder why I would read that into what you were asking.  

I always got jealous when my stbxh flirted with other women while I was with him, but from my perspective, I love to flirt and felt disappointed within the context of my marriage when I was expected to stop. So...basically I should be able to do it but not my spouse.  KIDDING! Nobody freak out.


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## tulsy

Jamestone said:


> Firebelly, you are getting to what i was suggesting. And it did not have to be on cam, could be sexting, or chatroom. Any of those other avenues to "play" without really playing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Could still be considered playing with fire. What if your spouse enjoys performing for someone in particular? What if an EA develops? Dangerous liaisons. 

I wouldn't entertain it.


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## Jamestone

Lol. Exactly firebelly. There seems to be some posters who are not happy with their relationship but yet they are not open to even discuss any other alternatives without taking shots at someone who brings up a topic. 

For the record everyone. I have never done this with my wife nor has she with me. It was only a question to get some input. You would think I said I was charging by the hour for my wife on the internet and making her do it. LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## firebelly1

Jamestone said:


> Firebelly, you are getting to what i was suggesting. And it did not have to be on cam, could be sexting, or chatroom. Any of those other avenues to "play" without really playing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To me, sexting is different than flirting. But, there are some couples where that is okay. There is a swinger couple I know (who love each other very much and have a great relationship) where the husband does not have sex with other women but "flirts" with them all he wants via technology with the full blessing of his wife. And by flirting I mean asking for naked pics and asking about the details of their sex lives, etc. 

The wife is bi - and part of their deal is that he flirts and she gets to touch if things come to that. It works for them and she doesn't feel threatened. In fact, she is glad he is having fun and bringing his arousal back to her. 

The underlying question in all of this is: is your partner's attraction / interaction with another person a threat to your relationship? I think that's where jealousy comes from. And the boundaries we have in monogamous relationships around this are just practical. We don't want our SO to even start to go there. 

But the dilemma we face is that for a lot of people not having ANY outside sexual influence actually makes you lose interest in the one partner you have because it's same old same old.


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## Jamestone

Very well put Firebelly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WallaceBea

Not really, no. It is not something that has ever done it for me. 

My girlfriend, on the other hand, gets off on imagining her boyfriend ****ing me. 

To each their own, I guess.


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## Deejo

*Re: Re: Do you get aroused by watching or thinking about your partner with another pe*



firebelly1 said:


> Oh no. You have said something that dulls your shiny image for me Deejo. You don't share...but you do expect the women you're with to share you? Am I getting that right? I haven't read all your posts so may be missing something.


'Do No Harm'
The women I'm dating are aware. I'm not pulling the wool over anyones eyes. They are free to think of me as a selfish bastard, or an honest man that will pursue what he wants while treating them with respect. 

I do not, cannot, maintain a sexual relationship with more than one partner. 

My attitude about 3somes is, that if I care about you, respect you, and want you to feel safe with me, I'm not going to propose that you have sex with someone else, because doing so would be arousing to me.


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## Mr The Other

Jamestone said:


> I was assuming this would be an all or nothing type question. Just remember my question was about the virtual side and not a physical encounter.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Still no.

I just do not see the attraction. I am glad I do not, as I think I would have to hide it from my partner if I did.


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## Caribbean Man

Deejo said:


> Honestly? I find the desire to watch someone else 'take' your partner inherently weak.


It _is_ inherently weak.
That's why it's called a " cuckold " among fetishist.

The cultural history of the word " cuckold " denotes shame or being taken advantage of , in full glare of the public.
some men derive sexual pleasure from being publicly shamed and taken advantage of, which is a form of masochism.

In fetish culture, a cuckold is complicit in their partner's sexual "infidelity" and takes masochistic sexual pleasure in it. Among fetishists, the pose of reluctance,the victimization of the cuckold is a major element of the paraphilia. 
Hence the reason for the use of the term "cuckold," with its implications of willing victimization. Its precursors are feelings of self loathing and inadequacy.

Some psychologist theorize that it stems from deep childhood issues linked to humiliation , one of the most powerful emotion that drives human beings. Just like how anger can be sexualized ,humiliation can be sexualized if it favorably associated with sex, during early childhood.
Because of the power of humiliation, if an individual sexualizes it, they will experience intense sexual feelings from it.

Hence the cuckold fetish / fantasy, in some men.


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## DoF

This is a bit embarrassing I guess.....

I have to say that it would be completely devastating to watch my wife be with another male.

BUT I have to say that thinking about it (especially during sex) does arouse me and makes me cum faster? In some sick way. 

But outside of sex, it kills me to think about it?

I'm weird....

:scratchhead:


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## jld

Sounds awful. Just awful, to think of him doing anything with another woman.

I hear all the time here that all men look at other women, and been read the riot act when I say dh does not. I am sure pretty women register in his mind, but I have never seen any staring or checking them out, or anything like that. I don't ever remember his making any comments to me about another woman's appearance. That's based on 21 years with him, btw. 

And every time I say the above, I am told it is just not possible. Except by people in real life, who have told me that knowing dh, they can believe it.


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## omgitselaine

Ashalicious said:


> Not really, no. It is not something that has ever done it for me.
> 
> My girlfriend, on the other hand, gets off on imagining her boyfriend ****ing me.
> 
> To each their own, I guess.


So funny but I also have a girlfriend who feels the same way about her boyfriend and me  ??? I've know her since grade school so she knows I would never do anything to hurt her but I do blush often now when he's ( her Boyfriend ) is around yikes


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## Jamestone

DoF said:


> This is a bit embarrassing I guess.....
> 
> I have to say that it would be completely devastating to watch my wife be with another male.
> 
> BUT I have to say that thinking about it (especially during sex) does arouse me and makes me cum faster? In some sick way.
> 
> But outside of sex, it kills me to think about it?
> 
> I'm weird....
> 
> :scratchhead:


Its not bad to have fantasies. And your sexual thoughts are yours and no one else has the right to say yours are any better or worse than theirs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF

Jamestone said:


> Its not bad to have fantasies. And your sexual thoughts are yours and no one else has the right to say yours are any better or worse than theirs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't say thinking about some guy banging my wife (or doing any sexual acts) to my loved one is a fantasy (quite the opposite actually).

But at times, when I think about them...it gets me off? Mind you those thoughts are disturbing too.......

Again, it's weird but I noticed that about myself.


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## firebelly1

*Re: Do you get aroused by watching or thinking about your partner with another pe*



Deejo said:


> 'Do No Harm'
> The women I'm dating are aware. I'm not pulling the wool over anyones eyes. They are free to think of me as a selfish bastard, or an honest man that will pursue what he wants while treating them with respect.
> 
> I do not, cannot, maintain a sexual relationship with more than one partner.
> 
> My attitude about 3somes is, that if I care about you, respect you, and want you to feel safe with me, I'm not going to propose that you have sex with someone else, because doing so would be arousing to me.


I'm still not getting it. You seem to be saying you are dating more than one woman or leave yourself open to that but don't have sex with more than one woman at a time. Am I mixing up dating with sexual relationship? If you don't maintain a sexual relationship with more than one partner at a time, why would the women think you are a selfish bastard?

I respect that attitude about 3somes. But theoretically, if your SO said "Hey honey, I know it would really turn you on to be with me and another girl at the same time and I'd like to give that to you" would you turn it down?


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## Married but Happy

DoF said:


> I can't say thinking about some guy banging my wife (or doing any sexual acts) to my loved one is a fantasy (quite the opposite actually).
> 
> But at times, when I think about them...it gets me off? Mind you those thoughts are disturbing too.......
> 
> Again, it's weird but I noticed that about myself.


I think we're conditioned by our culture and upbringing to think in certain ways about certain things - so-called taboos, usually. So there is a conflict about how we think and feel, based on how that conditioning bumps up against contrary thoughts.

Some people may handle it by avoiding thoughts about that thing, others may think about it and feel guilt or disgust or even arousal (perhaps followed by guilt, etc.), and still others will examine the thoughts and the conditioning and decide to change how they think about one or the other or both.


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## learning to love myself

My Husband not only fantasize about it, He wants to do this.

We have talked in great detail, I know for him he wants to control the situation, wants to see me pleased, does not want to touch the other man and dose not want the guy to pull dominance with him at all.

Told me I can pick the man but he will lay down the rules. When I read about cuckold, I don't believe he fits as he wants to watch and maybe play with me.

I cheated on my husband 2.5 years ago and it devastated him, I'm not sure why he wants this. 

He asked for this before I cheated on him.


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## DarkHoly

Yes, I do like the idea of being with your partner! How did you know?


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## DoF

learning to love myself said:


> My Husband not only fantasize about it, He wants to do this.
> 
> We have talked in great detail, I know for him he wants to control the situation, wants to see me pleased, does not want to touch the other man and dose not want the guy to pull dominance with him at all.
> 
> Told me I can pick the man but he will lay down the rules. When I read about cuckold, I don't believe he fits as he wants to watch and maybe play with me.
> 
> I cheated on my husband 2.5 years ago and it devastated him, I'm not sure why he wants this.
> 
> He asked for this before I cheated on him.


Did you cheat on him BECAUSE he wanted this sort of thing?


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## Wolf1974

I only imagine her with another woman lol


Don't get the cuckold thing but apparently it's a fetish some men have. To each their own


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## learning to love myself

DoF said:


> Did you cheat on him BECAUSE he wanted this sort of thing?


I didn't cheat on him for this reason, I had been trying for years to get my husband interested in me, we were having sex maybe once a year and this had been going on for years.

He isn't LD, he just preferred to take care of his own needs daily and placed little value on sex with me. 

Now as I type this I'm wondering if it played into me thinking he could care less if another man had me. I didn't go looking for a relationship, I went looking for fulfillment and it was the worst thing I ever did. No one deserves to be cheated on.

I wonder now if he was as angry as he was because I cheated or because he didn't get to be part of it?


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## naiveonedave

LTLM - I wonder if he is going to use this against you somehow? I think the affair is still messing with him.


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## John Lee

I used to have this fantasy about a gf -- she was sexually kind of wild and I got off on the idea of her being a total **** I guess. Yet I have no interest whatsoever in this fantasy with my wife. I guess that's probably a good sign for our marriage and for my self-esteem now vs then.

Sexual fantasies are a strange thing -- I think sometimes they act out fears and insecurities rather than pure "wants."


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## MaritimeGuy

I think that's a huge risk you take if you're into this. A man telling his wife he would like to see her with another man is going to be interpreted by a lot of women as "I don't care enough about you to want you exclusively to myself". 

Obviously for some this kind of things works. I can't say whether it's because those people are especially well balanced...or that they're especially unbalanced :scratchhead:. 

In the end it doesn't matter. I know I couldn't handle it so it's not something I entertain.


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## firebelly1

MaritimeGuy said:


> I think that's a huge risk you take if you're into this. A man telling his wife he would like to see her with another man is going to be interpreted by a lot of women as "I don't care enough about you to want you exclusively to myself".


I don't get this, honestly. If my SO said this, I would love it - just the fact that he said it. Even if we didn't go through with it it would make me want my man more and feel closer to him in part because he is giving me "permission" to act out a fantasy of mine without feeling threatened by it. I just don't see it as inherently an indication that he doesn't value me in some way. 

Maybe you're thinking of this like a husband pimping out his wife - insisting that she sleep with other men so he can gain something out of it. Of course that is sick and twisted. Not the scenario I'm thinking of.


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## Cosmos

No. I would find it a total turn off.


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## WyshIknew

No.

I get aroused by thinking of slipping her a length.


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## COguy

I'm pretty sure the DNA inside of my testicles prevents this from ever being a turn on.

I'm being judgemental here, but someone who would think it's a turn on strikes me as a giant wuss. It's like the ultimate insult to manhood IMO, let someone else desecrate that which you value.

Why not let him pee on your face while you're at it?


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## Clawed

I am going to be honest here. There were a few times after my ex cheated that I used (the thought of it) not really between us, but when I was alone.

I figured, I couldn't fight the hatred for those feelings, so I turned it around. Is that weird? I would have NEVER mentioned it to her though. It should be noted that this was done after she had already left me, so I was in a position of hating her anyway.


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## Ikaika

*Do you get aroused by watching or thinking about your partner with another pe...*

Now if the question is rephrased as "have I ever fantasized about "being watched while I did it with my partner", that is another story. No I would not want anyone joining in, just watching us knocking boots. I am confident enough not to have stage fright . However, it has been decades since having even having this fantasy and with age comes wisdom. 

So to answer the Q? NO!!!!


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## learning to love myself

naiveonedave said:


> LTLM - I wonder if he is going to use this against you somehow? I think the affair is still messing with him.


I worry about that as well, I keep telling him I think its a bad idea. I tread lightly since DDay . 

I gave up all friends, told everyone and anyone he asked me to, gave over all personal information, i.e. emails etc.. call all the way too and from work, the list is long and I do it gladly.

I walk a very straight line and now I feel like I'm being tested.
If I say I don't want to, he says," you can do it without me but cant do it with me"? If I do it, what will be the ramification?


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## ScarletBegonias

DH said the thought of another man touching me sexually makes him want to vomit.He also added it makes him really angry to think of it so he'd rather not.

I wouldn't want it to happen in real life but every now and then it's fun to fantasize about watching him work it on another woman. I don't think that's about wanting to watch him with someone else as much as it's about just wanting to see him in action from another angle


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## MaritimeGuy

firebelly1 said:


> I don't get this, honestly. If my SO said this, I would love it - just the fact that he said it. Even if we didn't go through with it it would make me want my man more and feel closer to him in part because he is giving me "permission" to act out a fantasy of mine without feeling threatened by it. I just don't see it as inherently an indication that he doesn't value me in some way.
> 
> Maybe you're thinking of this like a husband pimping out his wife - insisting that she sleep with other men so he can gain something out of it. Of course that is sick and twisted. Not the scenario I'm thinking of.


I stand to be corrected. 

That was my perception of how most women felt about their partner allowing them to have sex with another man based on things I'd read. Maybe more women that I thought would be excited by this rather than turned off.


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## Mr The Other

There is nowt so queer as folk.


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## richie33

I would be lying if I never entertained the fantasy of my wife with another woman. Do I want it to happen? No but it's a harmless fantasy.


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## happy as a clam

No, this fantasy would not appeal to me at all.


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## Caribbean Man

COguy said:


> I'm pretty sure the DNA inside of my testicles prevents this from ever being a turn on.


I can't understand how some men would get an raging , hard , erection from the thought of their wives or girlfriend being screwed by another man, though I get that people have different types of kink.
The only erection I would get is in my arms. 

The muscles in my arms,biceps .forearms and triceps , would definitely be filled with blood and rage.


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## DoF

Caribbean Man said:


> I can't understand how some men would get an raging , hard , erection from the thought of their wives or girlfriend being screwed by another man, though I get that people have different types of kink.
> The only erection I would get is in my arms.
> 
> The muscles in my arms,biceps .forearms and triceps , would definitely be filled with blood and rage.


I really wish I can explain to you how or why, it just is (at times). Not often but it happens.

But I would never EVER consider acting on that, that's for sure. I can see myself going insane if something like that was to happen.

Maybe my mind is all screwed up, I don't know......


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## convert

I don't think a [email protected] and wanted a MFM threesome would necessarily be the same as one poster here mention her husband would like a MFM but does not fit the definition of a [email protected]

a [email protected] has no control and has no say in what his wife would do.

If the husband has control then he would not be a [email protected] by definition?

I am not really sure though?


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## Deejo

*Re: Do you get aroused by watching or thinking about your partner with another pe*



firebelly1 said:


> I'm still not getting it. You seem to be saying you are dating more than one woman or leave yourself open to that but don't have sex with more than one woman at a time. Am I mixing up dating with sexual relationship? If you don't maintain a sexual relationship with more than one partner at a time, why would the women think you are a selfish bastard?


I don't know what your context for distinguishing between dating and a sexual relationship is. I've definitely had sex with women I'm just dating. I've fooled around with different women while dating. When it comes to relationships for me, I'm invariably drawn to one person. Just one. And that's who gets my commitment of intimacy. But the road to getting there may involve hanky panky with more than one partner.





firebelly1 said:


> I respect that attitude about 3somes. But theoretically, if your SO said "Hey honey, I know it would really turn you on to be with me and another girl at the same time and I'd like to give that to you" would you turn it down?



Had the opposite happen. Woman I am dating said it would turn her on if another woman is brought into the mix. I kindly explained that I have a challenging enough time with one.

Quite honestly I have always believed that someone in a 3some always gets the short end of the stick (pun intended). Friend of mine and I had the opportunity with a very sexually aware woman back in college. She had had no strings attached sex with the both of us and hinted around her desire for a 3 way. It just would have been weird. Also had the opportunity with 2 women on my 21st birthday, unbeknownst to me.


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## Entropy3000

convert said:


> I don't think a [email protected] and wanted a MFM threesome would necessarily be the same as one poster here mention her husband would like a MFM but does not fit the definition of a [email protected]
> 
> a [email protected] has not control and has no say in what his wife would do.
> 
> If the husband has control then he would not be a [email protected] by definition?
> 
> I am not really sure though?


It is not worth decerning the difference between these two. They are both weak. You are letting another man take your wife sexually. Trying to characterize the degree of this weakness is really quite absurd. It is only mostly being a cuckold for example. Right. You are letting another man plow your wife. Way to go stud muffin. It does not put you in control to choose the music that he bangs her by.

It shows at the same time how low value you are as a man and how low value you consider your wife. I am not talking about you personally. I am saying anyone who considers this has real self esteem issues in my opinion. 

For someone to say they do not want a man to show dominance over them. LOL. Having your wife penetrated by another man is being dominated to the extreme. More so than being raped yourself by that man. Think about that.

But people have a right to be as messed up in the head as they want to be.  It ony becomes bothersome when they try to convince others it is somehow something to be proud of and something for others to pursue. Wearing the horns of the cuckold is as had been said about humiliation.


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## OhGeesh

Sometimes, but never would allow or want such a thing!


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## Caribbean Man

*Re: Do you get aroused by watching or thinking about your partner with another pe*



Deejo said:


> Quite honestly I have always believed that someone in a 3some always gets the short end of the stick (pun intended).


Tried it once many moons ago and I remember being confused. Maybe because it was the first time , but I wasn't particularly excited by it.
Could be too , that I am very dominant I during sex.
But I've heard lots of people say that it's hot and they like the idea in real life. 
Seems to me that it's just one of those things you might enjoy better, if you do it outside of marriage if you're into casual sex . 

Still , I don't think everyone , or even a great majority are wired that way.
Historically , threesomes , group orgies have been practiced by almost every civilization to some extent.
The basic ingredients were always music , alcohol or psychedelic substances and sex. I think it's pretty much the same today.

However , the cuckold fetish seems to be something new. In times before , it was frowned upon.


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## DoF

*Re: Do you get aroused by watching or thinking about your partner with another pe*



Caribbean Man said:


> However , the cuckold fetish seems to be something new. In times before , it was frowned upon.


I'm pretty sure it's not new AT ALL and it just hasn't been covered well in the history books.


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## COguy

*Re: Do you get aroused by watching or thinking about your partner with another pe*



DoF said:


> I'm pretty sure it's not new AT ALL and it just hasn't been covered well in the history books.


If I remember right the etymology is pretty old. I remember seeing a picture from like 18th century France that had all these people wearing horns.


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## soulseer

no it disgusts me. yuk
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lfortender

I'm crazy about that but my wife doesn't imagine. I fantasize about she having sex with other man. But without strings attached, of course!


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## nuclearnightmare

Sexual fantasy and real world practices are not necessarily linked. E.g. a significant % of women have rape fantasies, but at the same time are quite clear in their minds that they do NOT desire to be raped by some stranger, in reality. Other fantasies should be considered in that same way. Those that can live with that dichotomy will be more at peace with themselves IMO.


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## sh987

Nope. I just don't get that, and never will.


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## Mostlycontent

Wolf1974 said:


> *I only imagine her with another woman lol*
> 
> 
> Don't get the cuckold thing but apparently it's a fetish some men have. To each their own




You and me both, man. Of course, we'd have to get in line with the other 50 million guys who have the same fantasy.


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## Mostlycontent

nuclearnightmare said:


> Sexual fantasy and real world practices are not necessarily linked. E.g. a significant % of women have rape fantasies, but at the same time are quite clear in their minds that they do NOT desire to be raped by some stranger, in reality. Other fantasies should be considered in that same way. Those that can live with that dichotomy will be more at peace with themselves IMO.



This is exactly correct. My W was held down and her panties pulled to her knees by her older sister and her friends when she was 8 years old. The experience was both humiliating and arousing to her. She still thinks about it from time to time when trying to climax. Being held down or humiliated are intense feelings so I can understand the fantasy.

She has told me that she wouldn't mind the idea of being watched but I would never share her with another man. Now with another woman on the other hand, I might could be talked into.


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## doubletrouble

No, I already have enough mind movies of that sh!t. 

Frankly, I've never been into this one. Some folks like it though.


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## Shoto1984

I would suggest leaving the fantasy behind. I can't see how anything good comes of it. Your relationship is the rock that stands against the chaos of the outside world. Your sex should be something special (sacred even) that helps keep the rock strong. Don't share what is yours. Own it.


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## Caribbean Man

Is there always a connection between sexual fantasies and what one would or wouldn't do in reality?

I know some sometimes people are consumed by a certain type of fantasies and they become obsessed over it to the point where it can't get aroused without it.

We often see people coming here with that problem.

Where should the boundary be drawn on fantasies that can be fulfilled , and those that should just be left alone?


I think we had a similar topic like this one about one year ago in the ladies section.


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## Dayhiker

It used to turn me on. Now I am not turned on by it and prefer not to know.


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## MSP

Caribbean Man said:


> Is there always a connection between sexual fantasies and what one would or wouldn't do in reality?


Absolutely. Forbidden fruit tasting sweeter and all that. At least, that's how it seems, but there's often a very bitter aftertaste.


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## johnAdams

No, I find the thought repulsive.


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## arbitrator

*I would guess that the only possible appeal for me would be strictly in fantasy mode of ambling upon my rich, skanky XW, being enveloped amorously in the missionary position by "Li'l' Lord Lardass" and I could smile from ear to ear, quietly sneak up from behind, and liberally give his fat a$$ a sudden blast from a flame-thrower!

Other than for that ~ I have no real desire to watch other people hump!*


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## Machiavelli

Deejo said:


> Honestly? I find the desire to watch someone else 'take' your partner inherently weak.


Bingo. This may be some kind of primitive hind brain manifestation of a conscious, or even subconscious, understanding of one's inherent inferiority in the male hierarchy. No matter how much one denies it and asserts their "self security," there is no denying the humiliation of the act. When I was approached to perform this "service" it was for couples with an older husband, looking back possibly another manifestation of the dreaded "Low T." LOL.

ETA: they oughta put that in the "T" commercials: "Do you suddenly have a desire to watch your wife get gang banged?"


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## regulardude

Jamestone said:


> Ok, this question is a little taboo for us married couples but there are LOTS of people who get sexually turned on from being a voyeur of their partner. I personally have thought about this some and struggled with my thoughts on the subject. I am 100% sure I could not enjoy watching her with another man physically, for any reason. As for the virtual world of internet, texting, videophone, I am not sure what I think, but it could be very hot and arousing. Of course this is something both parties have to be comfortable with. You cant ask your wife to do or husband if its not something that excites them.
> 
> Is there anyone who has done something like this before? What happened? Did it have the desired results you wanted? Did it make your sex life with your partner better? Please share.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


jamestone - I have similar/related feelings - I get turned on with the voyeuristic aspect of the thought of someone else seeing pics of my wife, or seeing me and my wife together. We have been to Bourbon Street in New Orleans, and she has lifted her shirt numerous times, which was fun for us all. .


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## ReformedHubby

To me the thought of my wife being with someone else is upsetting so I definitely would never want that.

Regarding sexual fantasies in general. In my youth I was a bit of box checker when it came to those. What I found is that some of the ones I was most excited to try really didn't live up to my expectations. At this point in my maturity I actually prefer to leave quite a few as fantasies because I was let down by the reality so much. I guess I'm just a meat and potato guy when it comes to sex. Give me a woman I care about that actually wants to be there and I am good.


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## nuclearnightmare

OP

I'm kinda on your side here, because I get the idea you are asking if others are turned on by the* fantasy *of their partner with someone else. NOT necessarily whether they would be turned on if it happened in reality.

I think it is a common fantasy and it would be fascinating to know what it means. for many guys it is probably similar to what rape fantasies or bestial fantasies are for (some) women. The thought turns them on but the reality would not. human beings are complex creatures.....very apparently


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## bravenewworld

As a lady, the MFM fantasy occasionally pops into my head and who knows, I might actually do it if the stars were aligned. The problem is I'm not into meeting people off the internet for that type of thing so I'm pretty sure it's going to remain a fantasy. Unless Ryan Gosling and Rob Stark decide to show up at my house. Which would be kind of awesome.  

I could NEVER participate in that activity with a SO though! If another woman was involved I would be insanely jealous and if my SO wanted to watch another guy boink me I would totally lose respect for him.

I think some things are better as fantasies or done with people you don't have romantic commitments with. Totally get it being arousing as a fantasy though. 

This is going to seem really judgmental but everyone I know who is married or in a committed LTR and actually does this kind of thing is a certified nut job or has been sexually abused. Not trying to be cruel, just my personal experience.


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## waylan

You may be on to something here.... I've been with my wife for 25 years. My thoughts have changed drastically over the years:

20's: I got pissed when another guy even looked at my gf/wife. At 6'4 220 a dirty look usually solved any problem.

30's: Guys looking at my wife no longer bothered me. Still was offended by the thought of her physically with someone else.

40's: Started fantasizing about her with someone else. First with her past and then the though of the present. After "getting off" I always felt ashamed and dirty.

mid 40's: Diagnosed with Low T. Had the testosterone count of a 90 year old guy. On treatment and the fantasy is dying out. Starting to drift slowly back to my mentality in my 20's.

I know this isn't the popular approach - We are on the internet and it is easy to portray yourself as the "tough guy". But maybe this helps someone else out there. 

Other symptoms included being really tired - all the time. My sleep was completely jacked up and mentally my desire for sex was plummeting.



Machiavelli said:


> Bingo. This may be some kind of primitive hind brain manifestation of a conscious, or even subconscious, understanding of one's inherent inferiority in the male hierarchy. No matter how much one denies it and asserts their "self security," there is no denying the humiliation of the act. When I was approached to perform this "service" it was for couples with an older husband, looking back possibly another manifestation of the dreaded "Low T." LOL.
> 
> ETA: they oughta put that in the "T" commercials: "Do you suddenly have a desire to watch your wife get gang banged?"


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## GTdad

waylan said:


> I know this isn't the popular approach - We are on the internet and it is easy to portray yourself as the "tough guy". But maybe this helps someone else out there.


Ironically, the internet is the one place where it should be the easiest to be real. I appreciated your post.


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## SpinDaddy

arbitrator said:


> *I would guess that the only possible appeal for me would be strictly in fantasy mode of ambling upon my rich, skanky XW, being enveloped amorously in the missionary position by "Li'l' Lord Lardass" and I could smile from ear to ear, quietly sneak up from behind, and liberally give his fat a$$ a sudden blast from a flame-thrower!
> 
> Other than for that ~ I have no real desire to watch other people hump!*


ROTFLMAO . . . . :rofl:

What is it about men and this fascination with flame throwers?


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## ariel_angel77

Heck no. Why would it turn me on for my partner to do the most intimate act there is with someone else? Something that can create a new life and bond people for the rest of their lives?

Not trying to insult anyone, but I feel that if someone likes the idea of sharing the most intimate part of their spouse with someone else, enough to where they consider asking their spouse to do it, then they need to see a mental health care professional.


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## Machiavelli

waylan said:


> mid 40's: Diagnosed with Low T. Had the testosterone count of a 90 year old guy. On treatment and the fantasy is dying out. Starting to drift slowly back to my mentality in my 20's.


Excellent! Adequate testosterone is fundamental to who we are, internally and externally. Take it away and we've changed, but we have no idea why.


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## Fozzy

I don't stray, and I don't share.


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## Fozzy

SpinDaddy said:


> ROTFLMAO . . . . :rofl:
> 
> What is it about men and this fascination with flame throwers?


Give me a can of Aquanet, a lighter, and a garage full of spiders...


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## murphy5

Mostlycontent said:


> This is exactly correct. My W was held down and her panties pulled to her knees by her older sister and her friends when she was 8 years old. The experience was both humiliating and arousing to her. She still thinks about it from time to time when trying to climax. Being held down or humiliated are intense feelings so I can understand the fantasy.
> .


sounds like she is asking you to do some bondage with her. go for it.

to the OP: these sort of voyeuristic fantasies are easily tried out...relatively safely, by simply having her join one of the sex forums out there and watching her at the computer as she either sex chats or cams with a guy she finds there. there are even some sites that have "couples" cam nights.

The danger, obviously, is that she finds that she loves it so much, that she decides to actually hook up when you are not around. some big dice to roll there.


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## I Notice The Details

NO


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## Milenka

Apparently, there are a lot of women, not only men, to take this fantasy to the extreme. It is disturbingly encouraging for affair partners, who call themselves "superiors". Just crazy but ppl like this exist

Cuckquean Humiliation


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