# Putting the kids first... Want to leave but they are my world.



## Lonewolf (May 7, 2010)

How do you / did you come to grips when you're considering divorce with kids involved, (8 & 6)? In a nutshell, 13 years, she's abandoned me physically, emotionally and verbally abuses me. Things like last weekend called a f'n retard in front of the kids. I want both of us to move on, but to be caring and involved parents. I know it won't end that way. She'll freak and make it hell. 

I take care of nearly everything. Get the kids ready for school, feed them when I get home, take to park, baths, homework, get them settled for bed. She will go out with friends or sit on the computer/facebook. I get up early for a second job, come back and take a nap before starting up again. I take care of the finances. She's got a habit of racking up bills, so that's been a challenge. Nothing is ever her fault. She explodes on any discussions. I'm a roommate/nanny, not a husband. I AM the best father I can be though... 

And that's my dilema. I would imagine that she would get the kids, and that scares the crap out of me because if she's calling me names, how much longer before she does it to them for a bad report card or something?

She's said she's had it as well, and the last time she said it, I finally said that's your choice. 

Both myself and the kids deserve better. They don't need to see their dad carry a drunk mom up to bed where she pukes and craps all over herself / bed after her friends dump her off at the house. 

I'm having such a hard time with it because I'm the rock for my boys. And if I were to leave, I don't want them to feel that the world is going to crash in on them. I've stayed in this for the boys up until now, but I've just been so worn down, I'm not sure how much longer I can stick this out...


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## DennisNLA (Jan 26, 2010)

Hi Lonewolf,

I'd start today by getting your ducks in a row. Talk to an individual therapist, and then a lawyer. You need to get information on how you can become the primary caregiver to your kids. You may need to stay for a while to get on tape what your wife is doing to you and the kids. Get information on how to prove she is an unfit mother. While it is difficult for the husband to receive primary or full custody, it is not impossible. Good luck and take care of yourself and kids!


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