# Possible end to my marriage



## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

I am planning on telling my wife for the last and final time that I want a divorce. I want a divorce for a few reasons. 


I would rather live alone.
She has been a very controlling person, who’s made me say and do things that I would never have done or said which has made me into a person I don’t like so much.
I’ve lost relationships because she wouldn’t allow me to see certain people, mostly family.
She was physically abusive to me after we got married, and while she was sober.
She’s been verbally abusive to me, calling me names, degrading my intelligence, told me she hated me, and that I’m worthless.
I want to meet new people
I don’t like the way she treats and talks to people.

There’s honestly many more but those are some of the main ones.

I’m 26M, she’s 25F, we’ve been married 8 months together for 4 years.

I’ve always had my doubts about marrying her, she pressured me to propose and get married. I wanted to get married too, it’s what I thought I wanted and what made sense to further our relationship. Also we were under a lot of fire from my family telling us that we should wait to get married but as a way to prove to everyone that we should be married we rushed it a bit. So we got married, but I wish we had waited even a year longer, I think I would have called it off if we had. But now being married I feel stuck. She even guilts me into staying with her saying stuff like “you can’t, you made a vow.” 

Through all her issues and the things she’s done to me I’ve supported her, but each time that I was hurt by her she took a little piece of my heart with her. Now I feel like all my love I once had for her is gone. And that now to allow myself to love her is a mistake. 

I’m not saying I’m a perfect husband either, I’ve done ****ed up things also. But I hate hurting people and I’m done with being hurt. A marriage seems to be a breeding ground to all kinds of hurt. Life was simpler single, my life was better. 

And speaking of not being a good husband, I the other night. I went to the club with my friends and heavily flirted with a girl and kissed her on the cheek a few times. I blacked out so I don’t actually remember doing all that but that’s the report I heard from my friends. Earlier that same day I had decided I was once and for all going to divorce my wife so in my head I guess I released myself to to whatever I wanted. But one I made that switch in my head to divorce her I felt so free and happy. I haven’t been that happy and free feeling in so long. And then the next day it was all back to depression and loneliness when at home with my wife. I was going to tell her the very next day I wanted a divorce but I wasn’t able to do it.

One of the reasons I’m having such a hard time telling her I want a divorce is because she has really started being a more healthy person, a much better wife, so much kinder to me and loving. All those things she used to do to me she hasn’t for some time (she hasn’t done anything like that since I told her I was going to leave her a few months ago). So back then I feel like I had more justification for divorcing her but now that things are actually better I feel like I don’t have good enough reason. But my biggest reason at the end of the day, is that I just don’t love her anymore. She has stripped me of the love I once had for her and I just don’t ever want to spend time with her. When I’m away from her I feel so much more relaxed and happy. The thought of a future without her excites me but also leaves me feeling really sad. I’m a Christian also so biblically I have no real reason to divorce her so it feels like I’m just giving up and not sticking it out long enough or sticking to my vows. I know that if I put in the effort we can turn things around and have a great and happy marriage but I just don’t even want that. And I don’t want kids either, she says she doesn’t either but I don’t really believe her. She has often said things she doesn’t mean so that I would stick around. Marriage was something I thought I wanted, but having been married and in this relationship I realize it’s something I don’t want and may never want again. I want to start fresh and rediscover myself. I’ve learned a lot and I think I’m ready to move on. 

So if you’ve read this long thanks, I have a couple questions I wanted to ask:

Do you think with what I’ve explained is enough reason to divorce her? Or should I start going to counseling and make it work?
Second, do you think I should tell her I cheated or just tell her I want a divorce and leave that part out?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Definitely divorce if you want to meet people and party and get drunk and kiss girls. It’s much better to be single than keep a wife at home being a policeman. It’s the right thing to do.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

nobody is going to tell you that you are justified I’m divorcing your wife. You chose her to marry, you get to choose to divorce her, too.

you are telling your perspective. She may be awful, but YOU chose her.

All you had to say was you didn’t love her anymore. If that’s true, you need to tell her, not us. You need to be just as straightforward with her, disregarding any feelings you have for her (because you don’t love her, right?), and tell her exactly what you’ve told us.

But once you’ve told her, you need to see an attorney and divorce her, and not come crawling back like a damn child wanting her to take you back. Man up and stay away and let her heal if you’re not going to stay with her.

Think long and hard about what you’re doing and stop asking other people that don’t know you or your wife, if divorcing her is the right thing to do. Only you and her know that.

If you want ideas on fixing your marriage, people are willing to help. If you want advice on divorcing her, that’s hard to do. Cheating— sure I’m all Aboard. Physical abuse- I’m good with that excuse, although you haven’t given specifics. This stuff about her not allowing you to see friends And family???? That’s on you.
My ex threw a remote and hit me in the head. She also punched me in the face twice because she was irritable and aggressive on adipex. I don’t think that divorce worthy.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

RabbleDabble said:


> I am planning on telling my wife for the last and final time that I want a divorce. I want a divorce for a few reasons.
> 
> we’ve been married 8 months together for 4 years.


I'm confused. You married your wife 8 months ago knowing all the stuff you told us about her? I'm amazed. Truly baffling.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

RabbleDabble said:


> I would rather live alone.
> She has been a very controlling person, who’s made me say and do things that I would never have done or said which has made me into a person I don’t like so much.
> I’ve lost relationships because she wouldn’t allow me to see certain people, mostly family.
> She was physically abusive to me after we got married, and while she was sober.
> ...




No one makes you do anything. You chose to accept this behavior or not! 

Here read this... No More Mr. Nice Guy

Boundaries in Marriage

Nothing will change until you do.

Best


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

A man went to his father and said: 
‘Father, I can't take it anymore, my wife is driving me insane!!! I want to kill her, but I'm afraid someone might find out I did it. Please help me?!
The Father replied: 
‘Yes I can help you, but there's a but... you're going to have to make amends with her so no one would suspect that it was you, when she dies… You'll have to take very good care of her, be kind, grateful, patient, caring, less selfish, listen more and help her with chores... you see this powder here? Every day you have to put a little in her food. So, she dies slowly.
Thirty days had passed and the son came back and said to his father: 
‘I don't want her to die! I have come to love her. And now… how do I cut the effect of the poison?’
Then the father said: 
‘Don't worry! What I gave you was rice powder. She's not going to die, because the poison was in you!’
‘When we feed grudges, our love slowly dies. When we make peace with ourselves and with those who offended us, then we can deal with the other, as we would like to be treated.’
Then, we will have the initiative to love, to give, to offer, to serve, to care for... and not just have the need to win, to be served, or to take advantage of and exploit the other.
We all need to stop, pray and ask for that antidote called forgiveness.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> My ex threw a remote and hit me in the head. She also punched me in the face twice because she was irritable and aggressive on adipex.* I don’t think that divorce worthy.*


I think it is divorce worthy. Remember our little chat about bad behavior?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

RabbleDabble said:


> I am planning on telling my wife for the last and final time that I want a divorce. I want a divorce for a few reasons.
> 
> 
> I would rather live alone.
> ...


Forget all of these reasons. Simply tell your wife that you no longer love her and you're not sure if you ever did. Tell her you have filed for divorce (of course, make sure you actually have filed for divorce). That way you won't allow yourself to be steamrolled by her.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Dude: first, you don't need to justify it to her or anyone if you want a divorce. Also why do you need to have a pow wow with her? serve her with divorce papers and get it over with if that's what you want.
Secondly, very important: she have treated you with contempt and disrespect you in whatever way she has wanted and done it because YOU HAVE ALLOWED IT. You are the one to blame for the way your relationship evolved. learn from this.


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

anchorwatch said:


> No one makes you do anything. You chose to accept this behavior or not!
> 
> Here read this... No More Mr. Nice Guy
> 
> ...


You are right, and thank you for the reading sources.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Have you considered Marriage Counseling?


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

I have, and that would definitely be the course of action we take if we don’t divorce. But I think I’ve made it to the point that I don’t even want to work towards a healthy marriage, I just want to be single.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Based on what you mentioned, it sounds like your wife has anger and control issues. Nobody deserves to put up with physical and verbal abuse like that. You've only been married 8 months, so a divorce will probably be relatively easy. 

But the first thing you need to do is stop thinking about and messing with other women. You are still married. If your wife finds out you are emotionally or physically cheating, she can use that against you in the divorce (and I bet she's the vindictive type too). 

Have you mentioned separating/divorcing to her? Do you think she will fight you on it?


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> I'm confused. You married your wife 8 months ago knowing all the stuff you told us about her? I'm amazed. Truly baffling.


 I was one of those people that believed and hoped things would get better as we got engaged, married, moved to a new apartment, she got sober, she found some friends, but at each of those events nothing changed until I started telling her that I don't want to be married anymore, then the changes started happening. The damage has been done and I would need to found a way to forgive her for all of that. Not saying I can't but I just don't really want to. She's not the same person she used to be, and neither am I and I don't see myself happy with her again.


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

SCDad01 said:


> Based on what you mentioned, it sounds like your wife has anger and control issues. Nobody deserves to put up with physical and verbal abuse like that. You've only been married 8 months, so a divorce will probably be relatively easy.
> 
> But the first thing you need to do is stop thinking about and messing with other women. You are still married. If your wife finds out you are emotionally or physically cheating, she can use that against you in the divorce (and I bet she's the vindictive type too).
> 
> Have you mentioned separating/divorcing to her? Do you think she will fight you on it?


I have mentioned divorce a few times and pretty recently too. She has been fighting it, but more like begging and pleading. Sometimes though she tries to guilt me into staying by saying stuff like "you made your choice and you can't divorce me now." or "the devil is lying to you that you want to be single." I think she will try to convince me to stay the next time I tell her but I don't think she will go after me or try to take me down legally, unless she gets convinced to do so by her family.

And yes I know I shouldn't be messing around with other girls and I feel so incredibly sick to my stomach every time I think about it. I can't believe I did that, but I'm leaning towards not telling her just in case that she does try to use that against me.


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Dude: first, you don't need to justify it to her or anyone if you want a divorce. Also why do you need to have a pow wow with her? serve her with divorce papers and get it over with if that's what you want.
> Secondly, very important: she have treated you with contempt and disrespect you in whatever way she has wanted and done it because YOU HAVE ALLOWED IT. You are the one to blame for the way your relationship evolved. learn from this.


That's a tough thing to hear but you absolutely correct, I allowed it. 

I want to talk to her because I feel that she deserves to know why I'm leaving.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

RabbleDabble said:


> I have mentioned divorce a few times and pretty recently too. She has been fighting it, but more like begging and pleading. Sometimes though she tries to guilt me into staying by saying stuff like "you made your choice and you can't divorce me now." or "the devil is lying to you that you want to be single." I think she will try to convince me to stay the next time I tell her but I don't think she will go after me or try to take me down legally, unless she gets convinced to do so by her family.
> 
> And yes I know I shouldn't be messing around with other girls and I feel so incredibly sick to my stomach every time I think about it. I can't believe I did that, but I'm leaning towards not telling her just in case that she does try to use that against me.


Well it sounds like you want to leave, so your next step would be to meet with a lawyer. I despise lawyers, but if your wife doesn't want a divorce too, there's little to no chance of you two working out terms of the divorce without one. 

Do you own anything together...house, cars, etc? Have any debt together? There are advantages to divoricing when you are young and don't have kids.


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

SCDad01 said:


> Well it sounds like you want to leave, so your next step would be to meet with a lawyer. I despise lawyers, but if your wife doesn't want a divorce too, there's little to no chance of you two working out terms of the divorce without one.
> 
> Do you own anything together...house, cars, etc? Have any debt together? There are advantages to divorcing when you are young and don't have kids.


We rent an apartment that I have been solely paying for and we have our own cars, some debt in each of our names, which I would gladly help her pay back. I make over 3X the money she used to make when she had a job, but she has been unemployed since the pandemic started so I've had to pay for lots. I want things to go as smoothly as possible and try to avoid paying for lawyers. She doesn't strike me as the type of person to go after me or fight it, unless, as I said before, someone convinces her to.

Yes I'm glad I'm still young and we didn't have any kids along the way.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

RabbleDabble said:


> We rent an apartment that I have been solely paying for and we have our own cars, some debt in each of our names, which I would gladly help her pay back. I make over 3X the money she used to make when she had a job, but she has been unemployed since the pandemic started so I've had to pay for lots. I want things to go as smoothly as possible and try to avoid paying for lawyers. She doesn't strike me as the type of person to go after me or fight it, unless, as I said before, someone convinces her to.
> 
> Yes I'm glad I'm still young and we didn't have any kids along the way.


You know her best, but someone that is controlling, physically and verbally abusive probably won't be rational when you mention divorce. No house, no kids and only being married for 8 months (no alimony) definitely work in your favor. Mention it to her and see how it goes. But if you have to get a lawyer, it should be fairly painless and not that costly.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Unless you did more than just kiss a girl on the cheek, and you ARE divorcing her, no need to tell her about that - you will just be inflicting more pain on her.
IF you wanted to work it out, then I would suggest you come clean.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Blowing past these red flags could be the worst mistake of your life. Be very careful that she doesn't try to get pregnant.

You are in the honeymoon stage of your marriage and it should be fantastic / easy / respectful / loving / and fun.

Run.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

RabbleDabble said:


> *I have mentioned divorce a few times and pretty recently too.*


Do yourself a favor and stop this. Please, stop it. If you are going to divorce, you don't do the above. You go to a lawyer, have him/her prepare the petion, once ready you serve her with the papers and tell her.
When people start to hear the same song and dance often enough, then they stop taking you seriously. haven't you ever hear Aesop's "the boy who cry wolf"? if not read it and learn.

Threatening divorce often all it does is create more discontent and animosity towards the relationship from the partner that has to hear it over and over.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RabbleDabble said:


> I have, and that would definitely be the course of action we take if we don’t divorce. But I think I’ve made it to the point that I don’t even want to work towards a healthy marriage, I just want to be single.


How much value do you put on the vows you made before God just a few months ago? 
You are right that as a Christian you have absolutely no reason to be divorcing her.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> You are right that as a Christian you have absolutely no reason to be divorcing her.


So, you are saying in other words put the other cheek, and take it?


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> How much value do you put on the vows you made before God just a few months ago?
> You are right that as a Christian you have absolutely no reason to be divorcing her.


I held more value in them before I realized that reciting those vows was locking myself in my own prison cell and throwing the keys away. I do respect the sanctity of marriage and the covenant I made, but am I okay with being unhappy for the rest of my life because of a few vows? Not really no. I hate the idea of divorce and never in a million years expected that after 8 months I'd be here today but I just can't stand being married anymore.

Before getting married I really did not put in the effort to understand what marriage was going to be, what it was going to mean, and how important it is to stick through to the end. I got married because it was the next step in our relationship and people expected it of us and she rushed me into proposing and having the wedding. But I wish I had listened to my gut and called off the wedding when I had the chance before making permanent vows.

I hate the idea of never being able to get divorced because I rushed into a marriage I didn't actually want at such a young age.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

It takes two grown adults to respect vows for a marriage to work. 

That's simple math. LOL


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> So, you are saying in other words put the other cheek, and take it?


Work on the marriage together. Marriage isn't a selfish thing, it's not all about us.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

anchorwatch said:


> It takes two grown adults to respect vows for a marriage to work.
> 
> That's simple math. LOL


Just because someone may not act as I would like it doesn't give me an excuse to act badly as well.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RabbleDabble said:


> I held more value in them before I realized that reciting those vows was locking myself in my own prison cell and throwing the keys away. I do respect the sanctity of marriage and the covenant I made, but am I okay with being unhappy for the rest of my life because of a few vows? Not really no. I hate the idea of divorce and never in a million years expected that after 8 months I'd be here today but I just can't stand being married anymore.
> 
> Before getting married I really did not put in the effort to understand what marriage was going to be, what it was going to mean, and how important it is to stick through to the end. I got married because it was the next step in our relationship and people expected it of us and she rushed me into proposing and having the wedding. But I wish I had listened to my gut and called off the wedding when I had the chance before making permanent vows.
> 
> I hate the idea of never being able to get divorced because I rushed into a marriage I didn't actually want at such a young age.


You dont have to be unhappy for the rest of your life, you can pray for God to change things and instead of running away you can make every effort to make it work. 

What does your pastor say?


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> You dont have to be unhappy for the rest of your life, you can pray for God to change things and instead of running away you can make every effort to make it work.
> 
> What does your pastor say?


I attend church regularly, but I haven't spoken to a pastor in years.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Just because someone may not act as I would like it doesn't give me an excuse to act badly as well.


I said, "It takes *two* grown adults to respect vows for a marriage to work." I gave no one an excuse to act badly. 

Don't be so quick to assume... 

Best


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Work on the marriage together. Marriage isn't a selfish thing, it's not all about us.


Yes it is, it's all about us, about what is it that we want out of the relationship.

When the marriage becomes unbalanced and you realize that the other person is not what was supposed to be, you get out. Screw the religious mumbo-jumbo. That's for the the ones that wants a yoke on them, and that's fine for them. 
In this world we only have one life to live. We need to do what's best for our existence during our time here. 

The red 🚩for this OP in respect to his wife is one that we see here over and over. The abusive and domineering behavior exhibited by the OP's wife is one of those that normally, as the person gets older the behavior gets worse and worse, and in many cases they turn out to be the prelude to a person with mentally unbalance behavior. 

For the OP: if you read this take note, because eventually you might found yourself with a person that will eventually exhibit mental problems. It happens all the time, with persons that shows the type of behavior your wife have been showing towards you.

Please, do not take your problems with your wife into a religious context, it will not only not solve your problem, it could eventually make your life a very miserable one if you decide to stay because of religious matters.
Your life, your decisions, not someone else's.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> Yes it is, it's all about us, about what is it that we want out of the relationship.
> 
> When the marriage becomes unbalanced and you realize that the other person is not what was supposed to be, you get out. Screw the religious mumbo-jumbo. That's for the the ones that wants a yoke on them, and that's fine for them.
> In this world we only have one life to live. We need to do what's best for our existence during our time here.
> ...


Acting with integrity doesn't have to be a religious thing. btw it's not having a yoke, far far from it, but living in an unselfish way. 
The op says he is a Christian, it's up to him as to whether he trusts God or not or runs away. 
I suspect he will run because that's the easiest thing to do.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Your wife may be expressing a desire to have a connection and more of a husband, in an unhealthy way. 

Given your desire to be single and wanting to be single, and admission that you never wanted to even get married… were you behaving like a single man all along instead of a committed partner? 

How did you prioritise your wife? There’s controlling behaviour, and there are ‘wrong’ ways of expressing boundaries. 

Did you always put friends, personal time, females, mates, going out, family first, excluding her? Be very honest here.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

anchorwatch said:


> I said, "It takes *two* grown adults to respect vows for a marriage to work." I gave no one an excuse to act badly.
> 
> Don't be so quick to assume...
> 
> Best


It takes one initially making the effort. She is now making that effort he says, he isn't.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RabbleDabble said:


> I attend church regularly, but I haven't spoken to a pastor in years.


Maybe it's time to.


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Yes it is, it's all about us, about what is it that we want out of the relationship.
> 
> When the marriage becomes unbalanced and you realize that the other person is not what was supposed to be, you get out. Screw the religious mumbo-jumbo. That's for the the ones that wants a yoke on them, and that's fine for them.
> In this world we only have one life to live. We need to do what's best for our existence during our time here.
> ...


She does have mental health problems that regularly affect our lives. I’m also tired of dealing with an unhealthy mentally person.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

RabbleDabble said:


> She does have mental health problems that regularly affect our lives. I’m also tired of dealing with an unhealthy mentally person.


OP how did I deduce that. Sorry to sound cold an uncaring, but dude get out while you can. You just have an inkling of the hell that might await for you as she gets older.

Remember: survival of the fittest, that's the game in this planet in this life. Biological instinct tells us not to procreate with individuals that have mental illness. If you do you are ensuring that some of your progeny with her will inherit the genes that cause her to have her mental illness 
Do you want that for your progeny?


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

Be happy kids aren't in the picture and walk away cleanly.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

RabbleDabble said:


> I was one of those people that believed and hoped things would get better as we got engaged, married, moved to a new apartment, she got sober, she found some friends, but at each of those events nothing changed until I started telling her that I don't want to be married anymore, then the changes started happening. The damage has been done and I would need to found a way to forgive her for all of that. Not saying I can't but I just don't really want to. She's not the same person she used to be, and neither am I and I don't see myself happy with her again.


She's an alcoholic? 

Does your church have programmes for marriage counselling, provide counselling for alcoholics and their spouses?


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> It takes one initially making the effort. She is now making that effort he says, he isn't.


It's one of those scenarios where I was making the effort and she wasn't and now that I want to leave she is starting to make the effort but now I've reached my limit and lost my love for her.


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> She's an alcoholic?
> 
> Does your church have programmes for marriage counselling, provide counselling for alcoholics and their spouses?


We've both had our moments of alcoholism. we are both better now but it has been a pretty big issue for both os us.


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> OP how did I deduce that. Sorry to sound cold an uncaring, but dude get out while you can. You just have an inkling of the hell that might await for you as she gets older.
> 
> Remember: survival of the fittest, that's the game in this planet in this life. Biological instinct tells us not to procreate with individuals that have mental illness. If you do you are ensuring that some of your progeny with her will inherit the genes that cause her to have her mental illness
> Do you want that for your progeny?


That is one of my largest concerns, I'm afraid her mental health will always be an issue. She is practically a ticking time bomb, at any moment she might have an episode and break down or blow up. I've seen her do this many times and it freaks me out so I walk on egg shells making sure that I am never the cause of her mental episodes.


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Acting with integrity doesn't have to be a religious thing. btw it's not having a yoke, far far from it, but living in an unselfish way.
> The op says he is a Christian, it's up to him as to whether he trusts God or not or runs away.
> I suspect he will run because that's the easiest thing to do.


I do trust God, but why is it impossible that God is actually saying to leave? What makes you so sure that God wants me to stay in this relationship? Did God even want me to get married to her? I feel sometimes that I wasn't suppose to marry her. My family and friends all sure advised against it. My family chose not to come to the wedding. Maybe that was part of my sign that getting married wasn't right for us. I believe that God wants the best life for both of us, but I'm not at all convinced that that means we have to be married for that to come true.


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## RabbleDabble (Aug 3, 2021)

I haven


Luckylucky said:


> Your wife may be expressing a desire to have a connection and more of a husband, in an unhealthy way.
> 
> Given your desire to be single and wanting to be single, and admission that you never wanted to even get married… were you behaving like a single man all along instead of a committed partner?
> 
> ...


Sometimes I think I put her first too often. Now sometimes I didn't but I think if I had put myself first more often I wouldn't have gotten so drained and depleted trying to put her first. 

So I think there was definitely some of both, some controlling behavior and my lack of boundaries. 

I definitely have never been good at boundaries, I am a bit of a push over and people pleaser which she took advantage of. I didn't set boundaries with her partly because of her reaction to when I did try to set boundaries. It was always "you're betraying me" "you can't do that to me" "this isn't fair" "you need to be there for me no matter what". She is always demanding help from me, I have gladly given her all the help I can give, but it's just constant. Always needing to talk to someone, always needing to vent, always needing to talk about people and her situations. I tried to be there for her but it's just taken it's toll on me. I tried to tell her that she has drained all the love from my heart but she wouldn't listen and continued to wear me down to the point I became very shut off from her to protect what was left of me. That's where I find myself now, loveless and empty.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@RabbleDabble You can't save her, but you can save yourself.


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