# gay, bi or straight men that like men



## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

I have a relative that I believe is bi and have recently learned that he is having marital problems. I have also suspected one of my friends is smsm IE married but has casual relations with men on the side (down low). 

My relative has never had a girlfriend prior to marriage and was seen frequenting gay bars with friends who were openly gay. He also made a rather blatant play for a male friend. 

My friend has makes ALOT of jokes referring to anal sex and his friend recently made a joke about showing up at his house "with his pants around his ankle". They also referenced italian/greek style...(my guess to mean regarding anal). There was another joke which started when my friend conspicously left maonaise on his lip while eating a sandwhich. This mimicked a load left on his lip. The same friend made a joke in reference about a BJ, bad aim...to which we all laughed. All of these jokes are cracked out of range of the wives. 

While i don't have an desire to call any of them out or do anything, my inquisitive side is trying to understand who my friends are and if they may be having male affairs. I have read recently about the smsm deal and understand not uncommon. 

Anyone have any insight to this?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I would suggest that their marriage/sex/relationships is their own business. Different strokes for different folks.

Could be that they go along to get along... laugh at jokes so to be sociable. But whatever the reason is, it's none of your biz.


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## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

I am involved in a business relationship with my relative and the friend that i am referring to is close. I think relationships that where a spouse is unfaithful is a potentially volatile one. 

I think many people struggle with their sexuality and I truly feel bad for any man or women who cannot be who they are regardless of sexual orientation. I used to judge a friend that sees prostituted without his wife's knowledge and have learned that I have no right to judge. I also can understand that different people have different needs and may view fidelity in marriage differently. On the other hand. 

I guess i am trying to understand the world I live in and the behavior of people i am close to.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I can understand your point however there is a wide spectrum of "unfaithfulness" to think about. What if the husband is bisexual and his wife allows him to have a male sexual partner (an open marriage)? What if she's unable to have sex and allows her husband to have a girlfriend with the understanding it can only be a physical relationship? What if he's gay and they both have separate lovers? What if their sexual interest includes threesomes?

Yeah, it would be nice to "understand", but there are so many variables that unless you sat down with the guys and questioned them you would never know (assuming you actually got truthful answers.)

The point here is that what they do in their personal life still isn't your business. This is a risk you take when you get into a business relationship with them. Just as my sexual life (or lack thereof) is none of my employer's business, even though I hold a very senior position. (assuming my job isn't a school or daycare, etc...)


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## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

Chris, I agree on many levels employers are getting increasingly brazed about what information they are privy too. The same can be said for the government. That is another story. 

As it relates to my inquiry, I disagree. Cheating..straight or gay is in many situations unethical and in some states illegal. I may not have any legal or ethical right to know these sort of things. Nonetheless, it is my perrogative to be interested in knowing if people who handle my money or host overnight playdates with my kids are engaged in behavior that could be indicative of potentially bad behavior.

To be clear I have another family friend who voluntarily told me about his visits to prostitutes. Though I don't agree with it for me. I understand he is in a sexless marriage (by admittance of his wife) and as you say "goes along to get along" (I like the expression BTW)


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