# My husband expressed the ONLY time he turns on is when I dress up sexy and wear makeup



## Rosy123 (6 mo ago)

We have been married for 2 months. We are getting used to each other and trying to find the rhythm. He has compared me multiple times with insta models and porn actresses expecting to look and act like them. He never had any sexual partner before me. However, I have been with few different men before. I never had to dress up or wear makeup JUST to seduce them. I was heartbroken when he said that he gets turned on ONLY when I dress up sexy and wear makeup. I know he talks to bunch of guys online who have the same kind of sexual desire. He thinks porn is the real sex. I have not climaxed even once with him. when I tried to talk to him about it he said I should watch porn to learn and it’s woman’s responsibility to fulfil herself as they are nit satisfied easily and I should learn from porn actresses how they act and satisfy themselves. I Am aware and have experienced the feeling to being wanted sexually and have been satisfied before. I might be just overthink and just need to be patient. He showed a insta post of a girl who does this transformation trend from casual clothes to cosplay outfit and said this would turn him on. I just want him to find me sexy without any makeup on. I don’t feel loved when I’m in bed with him. He also said he has to force himself to arouse just to take out the “juice”. And I wear lingerie and sexy nighty every night but seems it’s not enough as I’m not wearing any makeup. It seems like he loves me but he isn’t in love with me. This has turned me off and it feels like he seems me as an object with whom he can have sex according to his desires and fetish; without caring for my desire.
He never compliments me in bed or even in general but will always have something negative to say which are unnecessary comments specially in bed. I literally feel relieved when he climaxes like “oh thank god it’s over!”
I don’t know what to do. I feel pressurized.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

For now, wear some lingerie but start talking to him about how / why porn is not real sex. 

Figure out who his favorite instagram models are & see if you can find pictures of them without make-up. Also show him some other models & actresses without makeup

Turn the tables on him, if he wants to have porn worthy sex then he needs to step up & be a better, more attentive caring lover. Explain to him that real men cause their women to moan & he's failing miserably. 

At minimum DO NOT have kids until this gets worked out. Consider getting a MC / sex therapist because your boy (& I use that word on purpose because he's not a gown up adult man yet) needs to be educated


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rosy123 said:


> We have been married for 2 months. We are getting used to each other and trying to find the rhythm. He has compared me multiple times with insta models and porn actresses expecting to look and act like them. He never had any sexual partner before me. However, I have been with few different men before. I never had to dress up or wear makeup JUST to seduce them. I was heartbroken when he said that he gets turned on ONLY when I dress up sexy and wear makeup. I know he talks to bunch of guys online who have the same kind of sexual desire. He thinks porn is the real sex. I have not climaxed even once with him. when I tried to talk to him about it he said I should watch porn to learn and it’s woman’s responsibility to fulfil herself as they are nit satisfied easily and I should learn from porn actresses how they act and satisfy themselves. I Am aware and have experienced the feeling to being wanted sexually and have been satisfied before. I might be just overthink and just need to be patient. He showed a insta post of a girl who does this transformation trend from casual clothes to cosplay outfit and said this would turn him on. I just want him to find me sexy without any makeup on. I don’t feel loved when I’m in bed with him. He also said he has to force himself to arouse just to take out the “juice”. And I wear lingerie and sexy nighty every night but seems it’s not enough as I’m not wearing any makeup. It seems like he loves me but he isn’t in love with me. This has turned me off and it feels like he seems me as an object with whom he can have sex according to his desires and fetish; without caring for my desire.
> He never compliments me in bed or even in general but will always have something negative to say which are unnecessary comments specially in bed. I literally feel relieved when he climaxes like “oh thank god it’s over!”
> I don’t know what to do. I feel pressurized.


Good grief, it's very hard to know why you married such an awful guy.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Was this an arranged marriage? You may have to just resign yourself that you're going to have to take care of your needs solo. These are issues that it would have been ideal to have discussed prior to marriage. I guess just make yourself look as much as you can like his favorite actress and have him show you what he wants you to do. 🤷‍♀️


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Rosy123 said:


> We have been married for 2 months. We are getting used to each other and trying to find the rhythm. He has compared me multiple times with insta models and porn actresses expecting to look and act like them. He never had any sexual partner before me. However, I have been with few different men before. I never had to dress up or wear makeup JUST to seduce them. I was heartbroken when he said that he gets turned on ONLY when I dress up sexy and wear makeup. I know he talks to bunch of guys online who have the same kind of sexual desire. He thinks porn is the real sex. I have not climaxed even once with him. when I tried to talk to him about it he said I should watch porn to learn and it’s woman’s responsibility to fulfil herself as they are nit satisfied easily and I should learn from porn actresses how they act and satisfy themselves. I Am aware and have experienced the feeling to being wanted sexually and have been satisfied before. I might be just overthink and just need to be patient. He showed a insta post of a girl who does this transformation trend from casual clothes to cosplay outfit and said this would turn him on. I just want him to find me sexy without any makeup on. I don’t feel loved when I’m in bed with him. He also said he has to force himself to arouse just to take out the “juice”. And I wear lingerie and sexy nighty every night but seems it’s not enough as I’m not wearing any makeup. It seems like he loves me but he isn’t in love with me. This has turned me off and it feels like he seems me as an object with whom he can have sex according to his desires and fetish; without caring for my desire.
> He never compliments me in bed or even in general but will always have something negative to say which are unnecessary comments specially in bed. I literally feel relieved when he climaxes like “oh thank god it’s over!”
> I don’t know what to do. I feel pressurized.


I'm sorry you're having to deal with this so early on in your marriage... Perhaps show him some pictures of the men you may have fantasized about so to speak and turn the tables on him? Oh look, here's a picture of The Rock, do you think you could flex your muscles and raise your eyebrow like him? 🤷


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sounds like you married the wrong guy. Just remember that those women are paid or enslaved who are doing porn. They are paid because no normal woman would subject herself to most of that. As a wife you are not obligated to be a porn actress too. 

You married the wrong guy.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Wow you are only 2 years in. Life is long. I don't know if this problem can be fixed because he doesn't even know it's a problem. And yes there are some guys I guess that live the porn life. Way too many watch and try to make life like porn.

I wouldn't put up with it. How would you not just feel inadequate and frustrated all the time? I mean he's getting an orgasm right? He expects you to dress up but he shouldn't have to do anything for you like learn how to be a better lover?

Really, I hate to say it but you need to think do you really want your WHOLE life to be like this? He doesn't love you for who you are, he doesn't even know HOW to love you for who you are.

I'm so sorry for you. I wish I had some advice. I mean my advice would be divorce quickly and be done. But should you want to try to fix it. I'd say give him an ultimatum you or porn.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Anastasia6 said:


> Wow you are only 2 years in. Life is long. I don't know if this problem can be fixed because he doesn't even know it's a problem. And yes there are some guys I guess that live the porn life. Way too many watch and try to make life like porn.
> 
> I wouldn't put up with it. How would you not just feel inadequate and frustrated all the time? I mean he's getting an orgasm right? He expects you to dress up but he shouldn't have to do anything for you like learn how to be a better lover?
> 
> ...


Only 2 months in.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

It’s been 2 months? Leave


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> Wow you are only 2 years in.


No. they are 2 MONTHS in, 60 freaking days but this is the husband's 1st real sex. He was a virgin until he met her. All he had until now was Roise Palm & her sisters plus porn. He's a clueless child. 

Before we write him off, I'd like to see if she can fix him with some help from a therapist.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

D0nnivain said:


> No. they are 2 MONTHS in, 60 freaking days but this is the husband's 1st real sex. He was a virgin until he met her. All he had until now was Roise Palm & her sisters plus porn. He's a clueless child.
> 
> Before we write him off, I'd like to see if she can fix him with some help from a therapist.


I guess. 2 Months. His whole life just porn. Can therapy fix something so broken?

OP if you do try therapy do yourself a favor and get a sex therapist not a regular one. Though you might could use a regular one as well.

I know donnivain thinks a virgin needs help and all that but a live girl should be just blowing his socks off. But no his socks don't even move without makeup and dress up.

Again. Just no. Sorry but he's really broken and his brain is trained to porn. Considering his attitude and that of society at whole there isn't much hope that he will give up the porn and she'll just spend her life trying to fix it. He'll get some better or will stop verbalizing some of it. But he won't stop watching and his brain won't fix itself if he doesn't.

Just think about the general attitude about porn from the men on this forum. Oh it's ok. everybody does it blah blah blah. He won't give it. up.

I'd give the same advice if she found out he was a heroin addict. They don't get fixed. It's sad and I love marriage but this is just a lifetime of heart ache.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

OH and I'm not saying every person married to someone who looks at porn should divorce them. This is one of those who is so far gone it is effecting their life and he doesn't even see a problem.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Your Brain On Porn


Curious about the latest research on internet porn's effects? Your Brain on Porn looks at teh science and the lived experience of people consuming internt pornography




www.yourbrainonporn.com


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Rosy123 said:


> I don’t feel loved when I’m in bed with him. *He also said he has to force himself to arouse just to take out the “juice”*. And I wear lingerie and sexy nighty every night but seems it’s not enough as I’m not wearing any makeup. It seems like he loves me but he isn’t in love with me. This has turned me off and it feels like he seems me as an object with whom he can have sex according to his desires and fetish; without caring for my desire.
> He never compliments me in bed or even in general but will always have something negative to say which are unnecessary comments specially in bed. I literally feel relieved when he climaxes like “oh thank god it’s over!”
> I don’t know what to do. I feel pressurized.


You feel that way because that is how he views you sexually. Someone / thing to please him. He doesn't view it as a shared personal experience. This is the porn. He may love you in some way but he's broken in this way. It's about him, his orgasm and what he wants. 

Tell him to start juicing himself. Again I want to have some good ideas to help but he's stuck in porn ville. I think IF I stayed. I'd come to bed naked no makeup no clothes, whip out a vibrator and masturbate. If he wants to join in or have you service him tell him no thanks. You will take care of your orgasm and he can take care of his. That until he wants sex to be mutually satisfying you'll do as he suggested and take care of your needs.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sorry about the multiple posts OP. 

Please Please tell me you are on birth control. DO NOT get pregnant. Don't trap yourself with this man until you are satisfied with this marriage.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Rosy123 said:


> We have been married for 2 months. We are getting used to each other and trying to find the rhythm. He has compared me multiple times with insta models and porn actresses expecting to look and act like them. He never had any sexual partner before me. However, I have been with few different men before. I never had to dress up or wear makeup JUST to seduce them. I was heartbroken when he said that he gets turned on ONLY when I dress up sexy and wear makeup. I know he talks to bunch of guys online who have the same kind of sexual desire. He thinks porn is the real sex. I have not climaxed even once with him. when I tried to talk to him about it he said I should watch porn to learn and it’s woman’s responsibility to fulfil herself as they are nit satisfied easily and I should learn from porn actresses how they act and satisfy themselves. I Am aware and have experienced the feeling to being wanted sexually and have been satisfied before. I might be just overthink and just need to be patient. He showed a insta post of a girl who does this transformation trend from casual clothes to cosplay outfit and said this would turn him on. I just want him to find me sexy without any makeup on. I don’t feel loved when I’m in bed with him. He also said he has to force himself to arouse just to take out the “juice”. And I wear lingerie and sexy nighty every night but seems it’s not enough as I’m not wearing any makeup. It seems like he loves me but he isn’t in love with me. This has turned me off and it feels like he seems me as an object with whom he can have sex according to his desires and fetish; without caring for my desire.
> He never compliments me in bed or even in general but will always have something negative to say which are unnecessary comments specially in bed. I literally feel relieved when he climaxes like “oh thank god it’s over!”
> I don’t know what to do. I feel pressurized.


Why are you married to this guy? You can do so much better than this pecker head.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear Rosy 123;

You married him for a reason. If he was a virgin, it obviously wasn't because you thought he was great in bed, and your 2 months of marriage has confirmed that.

So, my advice to you is to focus on "why" you married him. Sit him down and tell him that the two of you need to go to a marriage counselor who is also a board certified sex therapist. The ST that my wife and I worked with helped us so much. She provided us with Sensate Focus exercises, things to read of initiating playful sex, instructional videos on healthy sex, role playing, setting boundaries, sexual negotiations, and perhaps best of all a Yes/No/Maybe interview that we did.

Depending on why you got married to him, you might want to give marriage counseling with a sex therapist a try. 

Good luck.


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## NorthernGuard (Jul 29, 2021)

I think you're in for a world of absolute hurt and pain if you stay with this guy and twist yourself into knots trying to become the living embodiment of his online sexual fantasy woman, based on what you say he's telling you. 

If you go along with this I wonder to what point and how many years you'll go (after kids, morgage, entwined finances) before you let go of the sunk cost fallacy and throw in the towel? Double D breast implants? Full body Liposuction? Face lift? Vaginoplasty? 

Those kids you'll have will do a number on your body and if it's not good enough for him now, well...you get the idea. When you finally realize nothing will ever be enough, you'll have wasted your best years on a man who never saw you as more than a lifelong "project car" in need of constant work and a "full rebuild".

If you're not good enough for him right now, as you are, what happens as you age and have kids? I'll tell you. He's gonna cheat on you (with younger and younger women as the years drag on, I'd bet) and then blame you for "letting yourself go".

Don't get me wrong. Fantasy and role playing and/or dressing sexy and going all out with makeup are fun and fantastic ways to spice up the bedroom for a couple, but that isn't what's happening here. He's flat out told you that he doesn't find you attractive, nor has any attraction to you, and won't, if you don't look (and act) like a porn star in bed (and likely daily life too). 

Porn has seriously warped his perspective of what "real" women look like in day to day life and how they act in bed and put unrealistic expectations in his head and you'll NEVER measure up to that, or his demands that you do. I mean, it's fantasy and not real so who the hell could, right? YOU as YOURSELF aren't good enough and never will be. 

I'd cut and run now if I were you. Save yourself before you're even more emotionally invested. If you think it's hard to call it quits now, just wait till you have kids with this man and feel there's no way out. You'll forever be wishing you'd listened to those alarm bells screaming in your head right now and wondering "what if"?

Believe me. There IS a good, loving, solid man somewhere out there for you, who, in the immortal words of Mr. Mark Darcy, will, "like you very much, just as you are". Stop wasting your time and life on this turd, and go find him. Good luck to you! ;-)


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> Can therapy fix something so broken?
> 
> 
> I'd give the same advice if she found out he was a heroin addict. They don't get fixed. It's sad and I love marriage but this is just a lifetime of heart ache.


I don't know if therapy can fix it, but I think she needs to suggest he try. Other than porn, I bet nobody ever talked to this person about love or sex or what it takes to sustain a marriage. While therapy may not be the whole answer, it's part of the answer. Coupled with some education & maturity maybe this can be turned around. 

@Rosy123 -- I'm not saying you should put up with this forever but maybe at least as long as you dated him before marriage. See if you can effectuate positive change. If not, there is no need to saddle yourself with a lifetime of crappy sex with a man who can't be bothered


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

If you’re wearing lingerie you’re already a rare commodity! 

Not really sure why you’d want to seduce a cad who doesn’t even care if you have an orgasm.

What’s good about him and why’d you marry him?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ccpowerslave said:


> Not really sure why you’d want to seduce a cad who doesn’t even care if you have an orgasm.


Agreed, it's a two way street.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

Rosy123 said:


> I should learn from porn actresses how they act and satisfy themselves


 I stopped reading here. Your boyfriend lives in La La Land. Seriously. What a fool beliveing those actresses experience sexual sadisfaction. Your boyfriend is trash. He is ruined. Generation porn demage. Totally delusional. They are actresses. The word tells it all. Partially they experience sever pain during sex. But I am afraid your demaged boyfriend doesn't mind. He wants his fantasie. Porn is demaging mostly to men and it has been established by men who wanted to demage men but even more women. Pleasure for men only. As less pleassure to women as possible. Women haters those were and they still are. Boys are easily primed to sexuality due to media and pictures. You've married one of the most demaged ones unless he learns from reality. But I don't see that. This generation is ruined. Your grew up with porn and most guys grow up to become porn zombies. Unable to enjoy natural womem and real sexuality. If make up and dressing up like porn stars would be a necessity to men to be aroused all women would be born looking like this. But we aren't because nature doesn't need us to be like this to function. Evoulution doesn't happen so fast. Porn in the internet isn't even a blink of an eye in humans evolution. It is a rudimental fashion of our times and it will disspear soon enough. Bad luck for all those guys who got primed to believe those fake unnatural instermodels are the real deal. They will go distinct crying and trying j*rk themselves off, when there is no internet due to this current civilisation not being able to exploid the earth from resources like it does today anymore. Your boyfriend is going a wrong direction evolutionary. Let him go and get a real men. He can try f*** instamodels on a PC screen trying to produce some pixilated computerscreen offsprings. Good luck to him. He doesn't need a real woman.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

elliblue said:


> Your boyfriend lives in La La Land. Your boyfriend is trash. He is ruined. Generation porn demage. This generation is ruined. Your grew up with porn and most guys grow up to become porn zombies.


I agree, just... "Generation porn demage" hahahahaha funny way to put it


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

WOW.

This is a SERIOUS problem. Married for 2 months? Get an annulment. Your husband lives in a fantasy world and has no grip on reality. 

The vast majority of men do not think porn is "real". Your husband is being ridiculous. What you are already doing is well above and beyond what most men dream of from their wives. You can find a MUCH higher quality man out in the world.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You’ll have to decide how much time you’re willing to invest in this marriage because time slips away quickly and then you feel you can’t get out. Obviously it’s unlikely to ever be as easy to end it as it now but maybe you’re not ready.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Rosy123 said:


> don’t know what to do. I feel pressurized.


Holy molly, I just couldn't read it all, I just stopped around the middle and went to the end with your question. 

Basically, what you need to do is to get out of this relationship ASAP. You have no idea of what you're getting into with a deviant like you new husband. Yes, he's a deviant. These types of dudes as they get more abd more comfortable within the relationship they get worse and worse. They can never stop. They always want more. 

If you stay, you'd have not one to blame but yourself. You'll see it when it's too late.


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## TinyTbone (6 mo ago)

Rosy123 said:


> We have been married for 2 months. We are getting used to each other and trying to find the rhythm. He has compared me multiple times with insta models and porn actresses expecting to look and act like them. He never had any sexual partner before me. However, I have been with few different men before. I never had to dress up or wear makeup JUST to seduce them. I was heartbroken when he said that he gets turned on ONLY when I dress up sexy and wear makeup. I know he talks to bunch of guys online who have the same kind of sexual desire. He thinks porn is the real sex. I have not climaxed even once with him. when I tried to talk to him about it he said I should watch porn to learn and it’s woman’s responsibility to fulfil herself as they are nit satisfied easily and I should learn from porn actresses how they act and satisfy themselves. I Am aware and have experienced the feeling to being wanted sexually and have been satisfied before. I might be just overthink and just need to be patient. He showed a insta post of a girl who does this transformation trend from casual clothes to cosplay outfit and said this would turn him on. I just want him to find me sexy without any makeup on. I don’t feel loved when I’m in bed with him. He also said he has to force himself to arouse just to take out the “juice”. And I wear lingerie and sexy nighty every night but seems it’s not enough as I’m not wearing any makeup. It seems like he loves me but he isn’t in love with me. This has turned me off and it feels like he seems me as an object with whom he can have sex according to his desires and fetish; without caring for my desire.
> He never compliments me in bed or even in general but will always have something negative to say which are unnecessary comments specially in bed. I literally feel relieved when he climaxes like “oh thank god it’s over!”
> I don’t know what to do. I feel pressurized.


Don't mean to sound uncaring or rude, but is this for real? You did test drive before buying right? If this is real, there's gonna be a whole lot of problems ahead. Guys obviously got his head up his royal naive butt! It is the 2020's now.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

there is a word to cure this Illness , and there is only one cure , that cure is to Divorce him ,
I am sorry you want to try and do anything other than put as much distance between you two ,


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