# Not sure what to do or where to go from here



## soalone (Oct 6, 2010)

Sorry this might sound like its rambling, I just have so many different thoughts and problems.

I'm not even sure where to start. When H and I met, everything with sex was fine/great. I'm not even sure when things changed. When my older daughter was a few months old she had medical issues and was expected to have lots of issues, etc. I did not deal well with that at all. The whole time is a blur, but I don't remember NOT having sex at all. She's fine now and its been years. I'm only mentioning that as you would think if there was a time problems would have started it would have been a situation like that.

Sex started becoming an issue maybe 3-4 years ago. He didn't seem like he ever wanted to sleep with me, even though I asked for it often. The biggest event that sticks out in my mind was 3 years ago when I caught H masturbating in the shower. Now I seriously would not have cared at all if I hadn't been asking and turned down all the time. He said its because my daughter was sleeping. Well what better time than when she is sleeping. Then he said its because I was trying to nap and he didn't want to bother me. Of course I yelled at him that since I never get it of course I'd want him to wake me up. So that was when he said he hated his life and that just killed me.

So I never asked him for anything again. We didn't have sex for 18 months maybe, neither of us ever asking. I joined a gym, lost 40 pounds, was in the best shape of my life ever, still nothing.
We were trying to decide if we should get rid of all the baby stuff or have another one. So we decided to have sex one time, of course I got pregnant just like I knew I would. So that whole 12 seconds of fun in 18 months was nothing but technical. 
Fast forward towards later in the pregnancy, I was horny all the time. I would beg and beg and beg him to sleep with me, he refused and told me to find somebody else. After months and months of that, thats exactly what I did. He told me who it could be, little did he know that person was actually available to me. I have told him, he doesn't believe me really, but whatever.

So we continued to not have sex for another 18 months. He finally went out and bought condoms and I was thinking maybe he was going to change. We actually had sex twice in a week, then nothing for another month or so. Then twice in a week again. At this point I'll take what I can get and have never said no, but its really just more annoying than anything else.

And this is where it gets to rambling and other issues. The OM was like the best lover in the whole entire world, always had been. Since things ended with him I have less than zero interest in sex period. I used to masturbate or get turned on, etc. Now I can't even finish with toys or anything I try, not that I've even tried that often or anything. But I know its not a physical thing cuz I have had 2 instant orgasms when something reminded me of OM. 

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this whole post. I congratulate anyone that made it through this whole thing. I just don't even know where to start or what to do to fix things, with H, myself, whatever. There's lots more too, I could go on forever. So if there's any questions or info I'm missing, just ask.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

how's ur daily interaction with him?


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## soalone (Oct 6, 2010)

Huh, what interaction. Depends on the day and/or how he treats me the day before. The past week has been ok, but 2 weeks ago I told him I wanted a divorce. We'll watch some tv shows together and stuff, but thats about it. Normally we can't even have a conversation without screaming at each other, which has to stop because the kids are seeing it all the time. And I'm not saying thats his fault, I'm just as bad as he is.
We slept apart for 5 months and usually have at least 1 middle of the night screaming match, name calling, door slamming, once a month.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

soalone said:


> Huh, what interaction. Depends on the day and/or how he treats me the day before. The past week has been ok, but 2 weeks ago I told him I wanted a divorce. We'll watch some tv shows together and stuff, but thats about it. Normally we can't even have a conversation without screaming at each other, which has to stop because the kids are seeing it all the time. And I'm not saying thats his fault, I'm just as bad as he is.
> We slept apart for 5 months and usually have at least 1 middle of the night screaming match, name calling, door slamming, once a month.


well, since things have became so thorny, would it be better if u guys stay apart for awhile? divorce could be a big thing for him, am not very sure about u, but in our eastern countries, when the wife asks for a divorce, it is kinda like a big blow to his ego/self esteem and this could aggravate him further. so instead of being divorce, maybe some separated time can do some good?

am really not in the position to tell u what's good and what not, but after going through what my parents did before they got separated, what i can say is that once u guys start to only see the bad in each other, ur more or less doomed


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Life is to short to live like this. Go your seperate ways. Neither one of you are getting anything good out of this relationship.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

soalone, what happened in marriage counseling?


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## soalone (Oct 6, 2010)

We haven't gone to marriage counseling. I don't know if there would even be a reason at this point.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Why is there no reason? You fondly describe the earlier days of your relationship. It sounds like you still have feelings for him. Since you have kids, you may want to try to keep the marriage together. Counseling only works if both people want it to work. A counselor once told me that if even one spouse has already decided to divorce, counseling will not make any difference.


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## Braelynn21203 (Oct 4, 2010)

When was the last time the two of you went out to eat on a date? I find that with my husband and our relationship, it's refreshing for us to go out and eat when we've been in a fighting spell. Regular dates could help ease the tension off of your relationship with your husband.


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## Neecy Lynn (Oct 7, 2010)

Hi!! I have been married 12 yrs now and I now the ups and downs for sure!! I recently wrote an article on this type of problem!! Please click on my link it should take you right tohttp://www.associatedcontent.com/user/336857/denise_decker.htmlit!! 

Good luck!


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

Braelynn21203 said:


> When was the last time the two of you went out to eat on a date? I find that with my husband and our relationship, it's refreshing for us to go out and eat when we've been in a fighting spell. Regular dates could help ease the tension off of your relationship with your husband.


maybe instead of going out having a feast whenever u guys feel like killing each other, ever thought of having angry sex?


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## soalone (Oct 6, 2010)

Braelynn21203 said:


> When was the last time the two of you went out to eat on a date? I find that with my husband and our relationship, it's refreshing for us to go out and eat when we've been in a fighting spell. Regular dates could help ease the tension off of your relationship with your husband.


Its been at least 10 months. The new baby has lots of food allergies and since I'm breastfeeding I am on a very strict diet and that has eliminated almost every restaraunt. Plus with the holidays just after the baby was born and his traveling, its probably been 2 years.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Is this "the guy" s wife?
As you well know wife, you will have several more afffairs throught the years and I will tell you to go get a boytoy at least one more time before I pull my head out of my butt and recommit to the marriage. 
You dont hate me, you are just in self preservation mode and the bandaids you use will get worse until I see you self destruct by the time the kids finish high school. Once I start caring, you fall back in love with me, and I no longer dismiss you physicly or emotional. 
I'm the luckest man in the world to have someone love me as much as you do.

Good luck soalone 
I too needed to vent
the guy


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