# I feel that my boyfriend has lost his desire for me/ doesn't show it



## loveisaverb (Apr 7, 2012)

I'll preface this by saying my boyfriend is 30 years my senior. Regardless of the age gap, we fell in love and both found each other hot and sexy. 

My boyfriend would make comments about how I might become fat as I get older (judging by my mom's figure) even though I am in shape and relatively slim (135 lbs on a 5'8" frame) and I highly value healthy eating. I always assured him it's not going to happen. It never really bothered me but it's is just ironic since now he has a slight belly, and I actually have lost 25 lbs since we began dating. He is still in great shape and I still find him to be incredibly attractive and sexy to me. 

I noticed since we moved in together (about a year ago) that he seems less desiring of me. When I brought this up, he pretty much agreed with me, stating that it was more exciting for him when he wondered whether I could come over later, more anticipation etc. This seemed pretty normal/expected. Also because he is much older it made sense to me that I have a higher libido than him, and therefore I initiate sex more often than he does. 

But lately I feel that he is pretty uninterested in me. Every once in a while he will say I look cute or will initiate sex, but those times seem less and less. I feel sad/abandoned when he would rather look at his computer than roll around in bed with me. I feel like he doesn't care what I wear at all. He has never been a lingerie guy, but even when I am walking around naked he doesn't give me a second look.

This is sad to me, especially because most guys his age are married to 50 yr old fat grandma's. He is dating a 20 something young hottie (if I do say so myself lol) and it's just disconcerting when he is so uninterested. 

I have tried a few things to spice it up and up his desire, but I was wondering if anyone had tips. 

One thing I did was cook dinner in the nude, wearing just a cute apron, and he was surprised and delighted at my "outfit" and the meal when he got home. I just wish I didn't feel like I had to do tricks to get him interested. 

Also, I am a very sensitive person who needs a lot of attention. He knows this, but still doesn't seem to take it into account. When I try to bring up my issues with him, he gets defensive. His response is generally "if you don't like how I am, leave." 

On the other hand, I know that we love each other deeply and I don't want to break up. Advice....?


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## Frustrated Man (Apr 2, 2012)

He is at the age he most likely is not going to to change.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

loveisaverb said:


> Also, I am a very sensitive person who needs a lot of attention. He knows this, but still doesn't seem to take it into account. When I try to bring up my issues with him, he gets defensive. His response is generally "*if you don't like how I am, leave*."


Uh-oh. 

I'd take him up on that offer, he sounds like an ass to be honest. Take it as a warning of things to come I suppose.


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

I don't feel someone who "is deeply in love" with you would say, "if you don't like how I am, leave"

To me that shows a complete lack of respect for you and your feelings.

If my daughter brought home a man thirty years her senior, my dh and I would flip out.

I have a motto, and I think it's a good one........if it's old enough to have fathered you, don't date it. My grandparents were ten years apart and had a long and happy marriage, but thirty years?? Wow.


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