# Had a question



## Confusedaboutitall (Jul 21, 2009)

Ok so I am not a mother. My sister is but my mom and I split raising him his first 8 months of life and even gets into my moms car or tries to leave with us when we visit. He's 17 months now. Anyway the question that I had was about how my nephew will grow up. My sister is a selfish 21 year old. She would screw my nephew over if it got her farther. She doesnt think about whats good for him and he's learned bad habits because of her and the kids she lives with. Will he grow up hating us because my sister is so bitter towards us? She has decided to cut off contact with us so we can't see him any longer and last time her and the dad went to court she decided not to give my mom any time with him anymore. I'm hoping that he wont hate us because of my sister but not being in his life and knowing how my sister is gives me the feeling he will.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

It has been my experience children can figure out who truly loves them. This child will discover his mother is self centered and manipulative and will then gravitate toward you and your mother, who love him.

Just wait on your sister. Be "nice" in order to stay in contact with this child, so that he may at least know of you, and sooner or later he will come of his own accord, into your circle if at all possible.

Although I do not condone lying or manipulating, I have one time I feel it is OK...when a child's welfare is at stake.


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## Confusedaboutitall (Jul 21, 2009)

My sister will not speak to either me or my mom anymore. Im just afraid of being out of his life for a few years will make him forget us.

I never say mean things to my sister and I keep my mouth shut in the family which is why I know everything that goes on. I told my mom that I hope when he gets old enough that he's smart enough to get emancipated and leave her because she is acting just like my father.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I know its hard, but he is her child and unless she is abusing him in some way...honestly it her right to raise him as she see's fits. If you think that she doesn't deserve that right...sue for custody yourself. Otherwise, let her raise him and grow up. She is still very young and selfish (as most 21 year olds are) and she will continue to grow up. I had a friend who basically let her mother raise her child for the first 3 years (they lived at home with her parents and she went out to party whenever she wanted, etc). Her Senior year of college, she moved on campus with him. Guess what she grew up! When she grows up you will probably be brought back into the familial loop.

I do have a question - what is her reason for cutting off contact? Typically that's not done just because you woke up one morning and thought...Gee, I don't think I want to talk to my mom anymore...


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## Confusedaboutitall (Jul 21, 2009)

She is abusive towards him but its not physical and we cant really prove anything. We had him last year and fought for guardianship in november. Pretty much what the judge told us was there was nothing on record for cps so he could go back to her. Sad thing was she was on the stand and lying to the judge. Shes one that can look you right in the eye and lie and you wouldn't know because she's always lied. The father helped get him back.


The reason she cut us off is because my mother had been asking her all last month to take him. We were going to last weekend but he cracked his head open on the tp rack running around in the bathroom so mom didn't want to take him just in case he had to go to the hospital. My sister then decided to ask this week if we wanted Kyle and my mother wanted to know when her assigned time to get him was. We had visitation through the court until the last time my sister and my nephews father went to court. My sister decided she was going to avoid the question but my mom kept pressing to know so my sister finally said well I thought you wouldn't want him because Tom(my mom's soon to be ex husband) moved out and my sister(me) moved back in. That was the end of it. She didn't say anymore. She removed us from her myspace and wont reply to any text message.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

She probably feels like she is trying to get this all sorted out on her own and by your mother asking all the time to take him, she sees it as a threat "they want to take my baby away".

You say she's abusive...in what way?


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## Confusedaboutitall (Jul 21, 2009)

She doesn't care about him and only had him to get the attention back on her. She does whatever for attention. She only did this because she does this whole if you make her mad she'll tell you well then you just cant see him. She does it to the father too. She signed my nephew over to us twice when he was younger but because all of her friends were saying things she wanted him back because of that.


She barely feeds him, he always has a rash because she never changes his diaper. He has sensitive skin and we told her that so if he sits in his diaper he gets a little rash that lasts for about two or three days. Now he constantly has this rash that goes from the front of him all the way back to the top part of his butt. When we used to get him he would always have a full pee diaper and would be constipated the first twenty four hours he was at our house then just let it go. With as much as he eats he should be going at least once a day but now he goes maybe twice a week. She always comes up for an excuse with the food. Its normally he just doesnt want to eat for me. She just gives him junk food all the time too. He drinks soda, not diet but regular soda with all that sugar in it, she gives him fruit roll ups and gold fish. She never watches him and he always chokes from putting too much in his mouth. The dog she has will lick his food right in front of my sister then he will eat it and she doesnt care. She's too busy texting or watching tv.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Next step....call in children's services and tell them what you just wrote. Start a case and a trail in the system. They can start to help. I don't know what state your in, but I know in ours, they start by sending in someone to help her "be a better mother" to teach her things - if what they see/find warrants it. If she doesn't improve then they take it up a notch.


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## Confusedaboutitall (Jul 21, 2009)

Where were at in my state all they care about is that the child has a roof over their head and clothes on. We've talked to many cps workers including one of our neighbors that works for cps and they dont care or give interest in it. My mom reported everything that happened to my nephew his first two months after birth and then when he was with us or when he went to visit my sister while with us. My sister had told my mom and my moms friend that she had kicked then changed it to her foot twitched and he fell off the couch. At less than two months old! I don't like sitting by and watching this without being able to do something but even if cps investigated her home they wouldnt find anything wrong to their standards here.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

If I were his grandmother, I would hire a GAL for the child. 

The GAL could then go to the CPS and the judge and ask that your mother get to see the child once a week "for protective" purposes and to monitor the child's welfare.


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## Confusedaboutitall (Jul 21, 2009)

I dont think my mom has any fight left in her to try anything. She paid dearly last year because she hired an attorney and didn't have the money so she asked my grandmother for it. She pays her back though. We struggle to get by now and since I don't have any skills and have yet learned how to drive her stick shift, I cannot find a job until high school is over in about mid september. We live paycheck to paycheck as she has a house, car, water, power, phone, internet, and cable to pay for. She makes enough to cover that and the needs we have such as food and clothes if we need it. We have had to cut back on everything and she cannot spend another dime without going into debt. I dont want to lose our house and if we keep going through the court I think we might.


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