# Wife's a Repeat Cheater!



## mava120300 (Sep 1, 2013)

I am 49 and my wife is 45.
She's been in an major affair with 3 guys at the same time. Primarily texts (but real raunchy stuff with lovers number 2 & 3) but pure sex with lover number 1. 

The primary (lover) culprit is a 2 bit actor who has been bedding her for the past 10 years. 

I discovered the affairs accidently and have been going through an emotional hell. When confronted the first time, she apologised & cried BUT 3 months later I found she was still in touch with the 2-bit actor. Again, when confronted, she sweared off him and promised that she would BREAK contact with the guy. I think like a fool I believed her the second time. 

However, I again noticed a couple of days ago that she had another cell phone bought secretly with a new cell number which she was using to call her lover. I am at my wits end honestly. And an *emotional wreck* by now. I have not been able to sleep for an hour at a time and this is taking a toll on my health and sanity. 

I tried resorting to alcohol but this is affecting my work. I suspect she is not concerned though she portrays that she does. She is quick to apologies but turns true to type (going by my past experience).

I have been *a very faithful husband* who has been very very suppportive of her nature, likes, dislikes, her family and a **** lot more.


Any suggestions?????????

I have been tolerating all this coz of my two kids who are in their teens. Will then understand if I tell them that I need to move on to Maintain My Sanity? Sometimes I feel like killing myself OR the two culprits who have messed up my life. Please help..........


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

Boundaries and then consequences. Without them, she will continue. She is continuing. Be ready to follow up on the consequences, too.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You want this to end---if its possible---she needs to look D in the face---then she is gonna be forced to decide---is this lowlife actor gonna be able to take care of me---or do I need to stay with my H----So either tell her D is on the table, or pack her bags, throw her out, and tell her to go live with her lovers

That somewhat simplified takes care of her----what about you---why are you staying---how do you love someone who cheats on you with 3 guys, and who has been with another man for 10 yrs---which then brings the real question-

--if she decides to stay with you, why is she staying with you---cuz you feed and bankroll her---cuz she certainly doesn't need you for sex---and if she does stay, what's to keep her from going underground and hiding her tracks better

You better think long and hard about your future, and what you want from it


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The first time, she was wrong. The second time, maybe she was wrong. The third time, you are her co-conspirator.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Go see a lawyer and find out what your rights are. It's hard enough dealing with all the unknowns. What you need is tangible information to help you focus your mind, and talking to some lawyers can do that. 

In my opinion this is a no brainer. For ten years your wife lived a double life screwing another man while pretending she loved you and you were her only one. Well, she is a liar to her core. You have been her secure island, a meal ticket. Nothing more. I would file for divorce and kick her out. Children or no.
_Posted via Mobile Device_w


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Ask her why should you stay with her when she keeps cheating on you.

Ask her why should you believe her this time.

Why does she say she did it?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

1. Get Tested for paternity
2. Have your children tested for paternity
3. Find a good lawyer

How much more humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure? If the roles were reversed do you honestly think that she would have put up with such humiliation and disrespect?

Good God man, if you do not respect yourself then who will? Tell your teens the truth. Your wife's behavior has been abhorrent and has made your entire marriage one giant farce. Enough is enough!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

1. Post all her lovers to cheaterville.com
2. If any of them have wives or gf, notify them of the affair
3. File for D. She's chosen then over you, why be second choice for anyone?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Get checked for stds
check the paternity of the kids.
Expose everyone
See a lawyer and get this witch out of your life.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Is the actor married? If he is tell his wife what has been going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Lawyer ASAP, self protection, filing.
Specific exposure to OM1-2-3's wives or significan't others, maybe universal exposure or at least to people who she cares about and can influence her.
Hard, dark 180 on her.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Duplicated


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> I have been tolerating all this coz of my two kids who are in their teens. Will then understand if I tell them that I need to move on to Maintain My Sanity? Sometimes I feel like killing myself OR the two culprits who have messed up my life. Please help


Don't kill yourself over this deceitful, backstabbing [email protected]#ch. She is the one who is wrong, she is the one harming the family not you. You need to separate from her and get a divorce. Expose her actions to your family and hers as well. Put her actions in the spotlight for all to see. Affairs thrive in secrecy. It the 2 bit actor has a wife or GF, tell them as well.

Your kids are teenagers and are old enough to understand her actions even if it will hurt them. Staying with your wife definitely will not help YOU or your CHILDREN. Seek counseling and get support from your family members.

There are alot of other women out there who will treat you better then this. Your wife is not the last woman on earth. Too many options out there to settle for her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Bad behavior continues with out consequences.

Your old lady has your number and knows you ain't going anywere so she just strings you along.

I think you can give your kids a better example of a father and as a man, when you get this women that is bring out the worst in you, out of your life.

I think your kids diserve a happy father and a better examble of a healthy relationship when you find someone new.

I also think you could give your kids a better examble of self respect when you tell them you will no longer share their mother with other men.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Quite simply, she's only a cheater because she's married to you.

Looks like, given her history, she's not going to quit. In fact, she's learning to take it deeper underground.

And it appears, you do not want to make the difficult decision to divorce her for her serial cheating. So, you locked yourself into a limbo, unwilling to move forward properly by giving her consequences.

Your emotional anguish is of your own making. You know what she's like for the last decade or more. And you tolerate it. She did not get better or more considerate of you. In fact, she took on extra lovers.

You have the ability to decide your future. But, instead, you lock yourself into supporting her adultery.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

mava120300 said:


> I have been tolerating all this coz of my two kids who are in their teens. Will then understand if I tell them that I need to move on to Maintain My Sanity? Sometimes I feel like killing *myself OR the two culprits* who have messed up my life. Please help..........



Should that be 4 culprits? Your wife and her 3 lovers?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You need to unload this woman. It's not like she got drunk, lost her head and took a tumble in the back seat of her car in some remote parking lot somewhere. She's a repeat cheater who cares about herself and herself only. She not only disrespects you but your family as well.

One thing your kids need is a stable parent in the house and she isn't it. Now your saying sometimes you feel like killing yourself which I know is just a figure of speech but fat lot of good it's doing your kids when they have two parents that aren't being or acting rational.

Here's what you do and LISTEN TO ME PLEASE! Take a good look at your wife. A 45 year old woman who is nothing but a piss poor excuse of a wife and a woman and doesn't give a sh!t about anyone but herself. Now. Take a good look at your kids. Remember. They didn't ask to be born. You and your wife brought them in to this world. You tell me and everyone else replying on this thread, who is more important to you. A cheating liar of a wife whose ruining the family or your kids who did nothing wrong. Which one is going to need stability more. An uncontrollable wife or kids that need a parent that will be there for them, to guide them, help them, give them the security that they need. You don't really need to give this much thought in this if your the responsible parent and man that you are. Your kids come first come hell or high water. 

As long as your children know that YOU will be there for them and love them and give them the stability of a good home life, you and your kids will survive. Your family has a cancer growing on it and that cancer is your wife. Get her out of there and give your kids a chance.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

What advice do you want? Your wife is who she is, and every time you catch her she will cry crocodile tears and go right back to what she's doing. You can either accept that and live your life accordingly or get rid of her. I wouldn't be surprised if she's planning to ditch your anyway once the kids are out of the house, unless of course she can't get one of her lovers to help take care of her in which case she'll keep you around. If that's how you want to live then stick around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Cmon. You know the answer. Serial cheater...


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

For future health considerations please DNA your kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> 1. Post all her lovers to cheaterville.com
> 2. If any of them have wives or gf, notify them of the affair
> 3. File for D. She's chosen then over you, why be second choice for anyone?


:iagree:

Plus...

DIVORCE! DIVORCE! DIVORCE!


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

if you really have to ask what you need to do, i think the problem lies with _you_.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Time to man up and kick her a$$ to the curb!!!!

you have been living a lie. are you ready to live the truth or are you going to stay in never never land


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Weekends always make me cynical!!! So no comment!!!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I would ask her if you can sleep with other woman, since she is sleeping with other men.. Fair is fair.. And is she say yes the file for Divorce


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

How To Tell If She's Cheating - YouTube


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

The only thing that will force your WW to end this crap is a real consequence.

File for D immediately.

Only communicate with her about kids and the D proceedings.

Perhaps when she sees that her life as she knows it is about to come crashing down around her, she will wake up.

At that point, IF she comes begging for another chance, shows true remorse, gives you full transparency, and starts taking ACTION like getting counseling for herself, maybe then you can think about whether you want to try fixing your M.

It will remain impossible to fix while she is still in these A's, no matter how hard you try or want it.

Start standing up for yourself.

In addition, expose the A to both of your families and your friends. Find out if any of these POSOM's is in a relationship and expose them to their significant others as well.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

:iagree:

Mava

Dyokem laid out your entire plan step by step.

Your wife will never stop unless you expose her, her affairs and finally show her real consequences that will affect her life.

Now get going.

HM
PS
Physical harm to yourself or the OM will not solve the problem but only cause more.

Focus on your wife who is the real culprit and expose the OM.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Nice Guys get it in the neck.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

mava120300 said:


> I am 49 and my wife is 45.
> *She's been in an major affair with 3 guys at the same time. *Primarily texts (but real raunchy stuff with lovers number 2 & 3) but pure sex with lover number 1.
> 
> The primary (lover) culprit is a 2 bit actor who has been bedding her for the past 10 years.
> ...


Dear mava120300,

Why are you being such a doormat? Seriously, you don't know what to do?

Please read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover (No More Mr. Nice Guy). I suspect you will discover that the book was written about you.

Good luck.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> The first time, she was wrong. The second time, maybe she was wrong. The third time, you are her co-conspirator.


I do *not* agree. He is a victim of a faithless spouse. Not a co-conspirator.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

By the way, OP, how two bit of an actor is he? Might we have heard of him?

Would publicity of this affair hurt his career? Presuming he has one in the first place, that is.

Seriously. You could out him via the tabloids.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Divorce. Ten years - really? No marriage left to save and teenage kids will definitely do OK when the situation is explained. Don't use the kids as an excuse.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

OP did a hit and run.

First he needs to get murder and suicide out of his head.

Second, he needs to stop what many of us who have been betrayed do at first, blame the OM. It is your wife (YOUR WIFE) who has been doing this to you.

Start the 180.

Stay in the house.

Lawyer up.

Get your finances in order. Take control.

Don't confront your wife. Go silent.

Spend time with the kids.

Focus on you.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Been there, done that. 
First things first. Detach... and I do mean a full detachment from her. Read up on the 180. Start focusing wholly on yourself. Keep interaction with her to an absolute minimum. 

Ok, your mind will seriously dwell on all this. First understand that this is completely normal. All of us here have gone through that dismal time. Things that help; I journaled... basically, twice a day, every single day, I puked out those thoughts into a document. By doing it like that, as the thoughts hit, you tell yourself to hold until it is time to journal. It doesn’t work all the time, but it does help. Don’t forget to eat and try to sleep. Most lose a lot of weight rapidly. Exercise seems to help a lot of folks too. I liked punching a heavy bag.

The “good news” is you’ve gone through this already so that initial sick fades quickly. You will understand that whatever it is how you handled it before absolutely and dismally failed. Don’t repeat it because it will play out the same way again.

Do not commit to anything. You will need time to process. Only you knows how long that will be. Talking to a lawyer to know where you stand is a good idea.

At this point... There is zero reason to play nice. That time has passed. Feel free to call her horrible names; it feels good. Do not however touch her or the OM’s. Messing with her head is ok too; The best way I found is just the 180 and a absolute refusal to let her in. She should feel as though you are lost to her. Drives the entitled ones bonkers because they used to being in control and your whining. When it’s gone, they go into panic mode... Ignore her attempts or just use her however you wish; Just don’t let it get to you emotionally... work on that detachment. 

Start going public. Inform the family what’s been going on. If the OM’s have wives or friends, out them to the world. Tell the kids you are having problems. Since they are teenagers, I’m not sure how much to reveal or not (other’s might know). 

And detach, detach, detach... Get to the point where you don’t care what she’s thinking at all.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Cheaters cheat. OP married one and needs to dump her before she consumes him.


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

Tell the kids.


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