# Too much or not enough sex



## Davie (May 4, 2020)

I guess this question is aimed at the ladies outside opinion. So here’s the situation. I’m a general contractor and building a cabin 4 hours from home gone Monday’s 3 am return fridays. I’m really into my wife I can’t get enough of her so I try and make love to her everyday I’m home. She says your gonna make me not even want you In that way anymore. Normally it’s 3x a week I’m 3-4 times a weekend idk I miss her I’m into her this Jakob is 50 miles off the grid I just get lonely so I think about her all week where She has a normal life mine is in the woods no internet phone service or people. Ami asking too much what am I doing wrong here. I’m in love with her and I always crave her love and affection


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

How long have you been married?
Did your job keep you apart for such a long time before you were married? Throughout the marriage?
Do you have kids?
Is your job more important than your marriage, if it comes to that?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Davie said:


> I guess this question is aimed at the ladies outside opinion. So here’s the situation. I’m a general contractor and building a cabin 4 hours from home gone Monday’s 3 am return fridays. I’m really into my wife I can’t get enough of her so I try and make love to her everyday I’m home. She says your gonna make me not even want you In that way anymore. Normally it’s 3x a week I’m 3-4 times a weekend idk I miss her I’m into her this Jakob is 50 miles off the grid I just get lonely so I think about her all week where She has a normal life mine is in the woods no internet phone service or people. Ami asking too much what am I doing wrong here. I’m in love with her and I always crave her love and affection


What you're doing wrong is failing to realize that she is her own person. You may want sex 3-4 times in a weekend but she has made it clear that she doesn't. Why is it only your wants that matter? Why does her desire have to match yours?


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Are you pestering her for sex or are you romancing her? Do you have a special date night when you are back?

Try a bit of romance rather than lust and see where that gets you.


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## Davie (May 4, 2020)

Casual Observer said:


> How long have you been married?
> Did your job keep you apart for such a long time before you were married? Throughout the marriage?
> Do you have kids?
> Is your job more important than your marriage, if it comes to that?


Married 10 years. We have 3 kids. All are 17. My job never comes before my marriage nothing does I make sure she knows that


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## Davie (May 4, 2020)

AGoodFlogging said:


> Are you pestering her for sex or are you romancing her? Do you have a special date night when you are back?
> 
> Try a bit of romance rather than lust and see where that gets you.


I romance her. I always buy her flowers send her sweet texts telling her how beautiful she is. I clean I help with laundry everything I can as well as cooking. It’s also tough because I’m on testosterone treatment due to my glands not producing testosterone anymore. I have to give myself a shot every 2 weeks so I know that increases my sex drive


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You need to respect her needs as well and just reach a compromise. She has given you fair warning that this is going to make her stop wanting to do it. look you're gone all week so she has no choice but to have her own routine. Then when you're home on the weekend she probably is just totally disrupted from her routine. And you were talking about helping with laundry and cooking, but you're never there, so she's having to do everything 5 days a week and then turn into a sex machine for 2 days while you're home. 

She would probably rather have some affection and attention from you and not just sex. That's most women. 

Since she's willing to talk about it, you should not go about it in this victim way of saying you're lonely and all. And you do realize you're probably more amped up than usual from the treatment. So that may need to be adjusted. But just ask her what she would be comfortable with. Then compromise. You also might consider hiring her some household help through the week.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Davie said:


> Married 10 years. We have 3 kids. All are 17. My job never comes before my marriage nothing does I make sure she knows that


But how long have you been at this 5-days-away-from-home-every-week routine? 

Also, regarding the testosterone injections, can you time them so you're drive doesn't peak when you get home?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Why do you keep coming back here and creating new threads about your crappy sex life with a wife that doesn’t want you, only to not incorporate and execute any of the good advice that you receive? Your threads are basically all the same, with some details changed. And after multiple tries, you still don’t seem to have learned anything. Yet you keep asking...


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Less pecker and more oral service...... might change her outlook some. Just saying.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

DudeInProgress said:


> Why do you keep coming back here and creating new threads about your crappy sex life with a wife that doesn’t want you, only to not incorporate and execute any of the good advice that you receive? Your threads are basically all the same, with some details changed. And after multiple tries, you still don’t seem to have learned anything. Yet you keep asking...


Exactly.

Why do you do that?


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## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

Davie said:


> I romance her. I always buy her flowers send her sweet texts telling her how beautiful she is. I clean I help with laundry everything I can as well as cooking. It’s also tough because I’m on testosterone treatment due to my glands not producing testosterone anymore. I have to give myself a shot every 2 weeks so I know that increases my sex drive


Can I get some of these shots on the black market?? I can put that juice in my mans morning coffee!!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Davie said:


> I’m in love with her and I always crave her love and affection


Perhaps you come across to her as needy, difficult to please, and insatiable. All of which will tend to make her feel inadequate at some point and as if the relationship is no longer stable/safe. 

Women want to be desired, but for the man to not be needy about it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't know man. My Mrs actually asks for it and thanks me in the middle of it in between making happy cat noises.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

First make sure she feels emotionally safe and close to you, and then start framing the discussion around sex about that.

"I feel so close to you when we have sex."

"We haven't had sex in a while and I don't feel as close to you. I need to feel close to you."

Lots of women don't understand this is how it works for us, so they don't value it's importance. I think though if they get it, they may understand and get the profound nature of it is for us. 

She needs to feel emotionally safe first.


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

Davie said:


> I romance her. I always buy her flowers send her sweet texts telling her how beautiful she is. I clean I help with laundry everything I can as well as cooking. It’s also tough because I’m on testosterone treatment due to my glands not producing testosterone anymore. I have to give myself a shot every 2 weeks so I know that increases my sex drive


You never tell me how beautiful I am. You don’t help around the house at all, and you never cook. And to add to all this you have cheated several times and are abusive. What women would want to be with a man like this?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Davie said:


> I romance her. I always buy her flowers send her sweet texts telling her how beautiful she is. I clean I help with laundry everything I can as well as cooking. It’s also tough because I’m on testosterone treatment due to my glands not producing testosterone anymore. I have to give myself a shot every 2 weeks so I know that increases my sex drive


Every 2 weeks, WTH! Do you not know the injection is gone by day 10. I would feel like crap after a week. I qas taking 1ml weekly. My new Dr. said try .5ml 2x week and it will be less up and down swings. So now Mon. AM and Thur. PM.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Jewelz03 said:


> *You never tell me how beautiful I am. You don’t help around the house at all, and you never cook. And to add to all this you have cheated several times and are abusive. What women would want to be with a man like this?*


Apparently you, as you're still there all these years.

So I ask you again...why on EARTH have you stayed this long with this loser?


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

Casual Observer said:


> How long have you been married?
> Did your job keep you apart for such a long time before you were married? Throughout the marriage?
> Do you have kids?
> Is your job more important than your marriage, if it comes to that?


He only recently started working. And him working that far away was only for 3 months if that. Before that he has not had a real job.


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> Why do you keep coming back here and creating new threads about your crappy sex life with a wife that doesn’t want you, only to not incorporate and execute any of the good advice that you receive? Your threads are basically all the same, with some details changed. And after multiple tries, you still don’t seem to have learned anything. Yet you keep asking...


He does that cause it’s all lies. I’m the wife that he has a crappy sex wife with. It’s not that I don’t want him. It’s that sex is all he wants. He doesn’t treat me like a wife just as his toy. If he doesn’t get it every time he wants it then I’m the bad guy and an awful wife. We did have a healthy sex life before he started treating me like ****.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Why wasn’t he working?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Have you been going to bars and talking to men? Ever?


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

badsanta said:


> Perhaps you come across to her as needy, difficult to please, and insatiable. All of which will tend to make her feel inadequate at some point and as if the relationship is no longer stable/safe.
> 
> Women want to be desired, but for the man to not be needy about it.


He wants to be loved and desired but he makes it impossible by treating me awful and being abusive. What woman wants to give her love and affection to a man that does nothing but call her names and makes her feel ashamed of who she is.


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

sokillme said:


> First make sure she feels emotionally safe and close to you, and then start framing the discussion around sex about that.
> 
> "I feel so close to you when we have sex."
> 
> ...


This is 100% true. But although people give him great advise. I’m still the bad guy for only having sex with him 3 times a week.


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Why wasn’t he working?


He had back surgery and then got addicted to pain meds.


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Have you been going to bars and talking to men? Ever?


I’ve been to the bar twice in the last year. We live in a small town where we both grew up and everyone knows everyone. When he first showed up at the bar, I had met some awesome friends (girls) and was having a great time with them. He was pissed I was there so he left, only to come back later to check on me again. This time a guy was asking me about one of the girls. She was my friends friend so I didn’t really know her and I was explaining that to the guys that was asking me about her when my husband barged in and wanted to fight.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

if you love him, tell us why?

what can he do to make you feel loved again?
Outline these things.
Tell him.
If he makes good on them and you don’t change regarding sex, he will feel unloved himself. If what you say is true (he says you’re lying and you say he is) he will feel unloved if you don’t reciprocate. 
That said, 3 times a week isn’t all that unbearable to ME, but may be rough to HIM.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This is a marriage forum. We want to help, but all this mudslinging needs to be cleared up.
Tell us the facts.....


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> if you love him, tell us why?
> 
> what can he do to make you feel loved again?
> Outline these things.
> ...


He can stop calling me names, accusing me of sleeping with everyone I work with, stop throwing my past in my face, not shove me and hit me, not cheat on me anymore. Be there for me when I need him. I have told him all these things but he says until I start having sex with him more he doesn’t care. Although he has been horrible to me I did everything I could do to make him feel wanted sexually, but for some reason it wasn’t enough and he can’t seem to just be nice to me.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Jewelz03 said:


> I’ve been to the bar twice in the last year. We live in a small town where we both grew up and everyone knows everyone. When he first showed up at the bar, I had met some awesome friends (girls) and was having a great time with them. He was pissed I was there so he left, only to come back later to check on me again. This time a guy was asking me about one of the girls. She was my friends friend so I didn’t really know her and I was explaining that to the guys that was asking me about her when my husband barged in and wanted to fight.


Realize that a man seeing his wife in a bar talking to another man—— can be a crazy making experience even if the conversation is innocent.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Jewelz03 said:


> He can stop calling me names, accusing me of sleeping with everyone I work with, stop throwing my past in my face, not shove me and hit me, not cheat on me anymore. Be there for me when I need him. I have told him all these things but he says until I start having sex with him more he doesn’t care. Although he has been horrible to me I did everything I could do to make him feel wanted sexually, but for some reason it wasn’t enough and he can’t seem to just be nice to me.


Hitting you and cheating on you—— most would advise you that this is unacceptable and you should leave him. I’m one of those.
You seem to be self sufficient.
What is it about him that you love??????


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> This is a marriage forum. We want to help, but all this mudslinging needs to be cleared up.
> Tell us the facts.....
> View attachment 75868


You want the real facts, let me share our journey. A month after we got married, only I worked and he would leave the kids home alone to meet up with his ex girlfriend. Only reason I found out is because his ex wife found out and threaten to tell me so he came clean. He wouldn’t tell me details just that the met up. Fast forward a couple of years, he is still not working and had back surgery, he then became addicted to pain pills. Once they change his pain meds and he became so angry at me he broke my nose. After that he got off those but continued on different ones. Meanwhile I’m still the only one working, we now have full custody of his twin daughters. I have always been super involved with my son so because the twins mom was no longer in the picture, I did the same for them. Fast forward a few more years, I’m going to school full time and working full time while keeping up with the house and staying involved with the kids activities. Then one day I find out he has a fake Facebook account with only one friend that happened to be another ex. I go through and see him putting emojis with hearts in the eyes on all her half naked pictures. He then would also send kissy face emojis and send her pictures of when they were together. I kicked him out then but then felt bad for the girls and took him back in. I was so busy with everything school, work, home, and kids, I didn’t have time to process this all. This whole time since we got married I always tried to be intimate with him and he would also push me away and shut me down. I started not initiating anything anymore and let him come to me when he wanted it. I felt like I was disgusting. Then I finished school and graduated a year and a half ago. Then I finally was able to have down time and reflect on everything. He also would ignore me and was ALWAYS on his phone. I started to withdraw from him. He didn’t even notice. One night I got drunk and said I was talking to another man. I don’t know why I made that up but part of me feels like I did it for attention. We fought and I told him I wanted a divorce, I felt he had put me through so much. He promised me he would change and that he would make me fall back in love with him. I wanted to believe him so bad so I stayed. Then it just got worse, he is very emotionally and verbally abusive. He at times is physically abusive as well. Then the girls mom came back into their life’s and one of them started treating me like crap. He never stuck up for me and just let it happen. For 8 years I was the only mom they knew and the one that did everything for them. Again I started to detach, this time not even wanting him sexually. When we would fight he would tell me I sucked everyone’s d*** he would say it so much, I couldn’t being myself to do that with him anymore. And now with everything and how mean he is, I don’t sleep with him as much as he would like me too, but if he only understood how broken I am inside, how much damage he caused, then maybe he would see why, but instead blames me for everything. And there you go, now you know the whole story and I can’t even tell you how much it hurts to type this all up.


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

At


Evinrude58 said:


> Hitting you and cheating on you—— most would advise you that this is unacceptable and you should leave him. I’m one of those.
> You seem to be self sufficient.
> What is it about him that you love??????


 At this point I’m not even sure anymore.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

If what you say is true why in the world are you still with him?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I have to agree with the other posters, what is the point here? He sounds awful and you sound unhappy. Plus we have two very different stories, so I don't know who to believe. I suspect he is going to come back and give a whole lot more back story too. 

The whole thing is a mess, if you stay, you must be right where you want to be really.


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## Jewelz03 (Jun 2, 2021)

sideways said:


> If what you say is true why in the world are you still with him?


I ask myself that all the time. I always thought it would be easy to leave a situation like this. Now that I’m in it, I just don’t know how.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Jewelz03 said:


> poor
> I ask myself that all the time. I always thought it would be easy to leave a situation like this. Now that I’m in it, I just don’t know how.


There are fifty ways to leave your lover - pick one. For God's sake, stop doing that stupid hokey-pokey dance. You have done nothing but taught his daughters that his behavior is typical and they will mirror that in their own relationships. He must really hate his daughters to be such a piss-poor role model.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Davie said:


> I guess this question is aimed at the ladies outside opinion. So here’s the situation. I’m a general contractor and building a cabin 4 hours from home gone Monday’s 3 am return fridays. I’m really into my wife I can’t get enough of her so I try and make love to her everyday I’m home. She says your gonna make me not even want you In that way anymore. Normally it’s 3x a week I’m 3-4 times a weekend idk I miss her I’m into her this Jakob is 50 miles off the grid I just get lonely so I think about her all week where She has a normal life mine is in the woods no internet phone service or people. Ami asking too much what am I doing wrong here. I’m in love with her and I always crave her love and affection


Compromise. Lay your cards on the table. Explain your needs. She says her side. Meet in the middle. That's how we have this Sunday morning date guaranteed. And that has led to another night each week. Not bad for ages 60 and 61. Would I like more? Hell, yes. But it beats none at all. Good luck.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Jewelz03 said:


> He wants to be loved and desired but he makes it impossible by treating me awful and being abusive. What woman wants to give her love and affection to a man that does nothing but call her names and makes her feel ashamed of who she is.


Many folks that come here to this website only give one side of the story, so it is interesting to see another perspective and realize how frustrating situations can be at times. I'm reminded of a saying from a friend of mine, "life is messy, you do the best you can." 

At the end of the day you need to do what is best for you and take care of yourself.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Compromise. Lay your cards on the table. Explain your needs. She says her side. Meet in the middle. That's how we have this Sunday morning date guaranteed. And that has led to another night each week. Not bad for ages 60 and 61. Would I like more? Hell, yes. But it beats none at all. Good luck.


Compromise?
He has hit her. All she needs to do is leave.

There is no compromise with an abusive Asshole.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> Compromise?
> He has hit her. All she needs to do is leave.
> 
> There is no compromise with an abusive Asshole.


I'm sorry I read his post again. Nowhere in there does he say that he hit her. Where did you get the information?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Longtime Hubby said:


> I'm sorry I read his post again. Nowhere in there does he say that he hit her. Where did you get the information?


So he hasn't said it yet. He's only come here *****ing cause he only get sex 3 times a week. But SHE stated it very plainly in this thread. He broke her nose. 



Jewelz03 said:


> You want the real facts, let me share our journey. A month after we got married, only I worked and he would leave the kids home alone to meet up with his ex girlfriend. Only reason I found out is because his ex wife found out and threaten to tell me so he came clean. He wouldn’t tell me details just that the met up. Fast forward a couple of years, he is still not working and had back surgery, he then became addicted to pain pills. Once they change his pain meds and *he became so angry at me he broke my nose*. After that he got off those but continued on different ones. Meanwhile I’m still the only one working, we now have full custody of his twin daughters. I have always been super involved with my son so because the twins mom was no longer in the picture, I did the same for them. Fast forward a few more years, I’m going to school full time and working full time while keeping up with the house and staying involved with the kids activities. Then one day I find out he has a fake Facebook account with only one friend that happened to be another ex. I go through and see him putting emojis with hearts in the eyes on all her half naked pictures. He then would also send kissy face emojis and send her pictures of when they were together. I kicked him out then but then felt bad for the girls and took him back in. I was so busy with everything school, work, home, and kids, I didn’t have time to process this all. This whole time since we got married I always tried to be intimate with him and he would also push me away and shut me down. I started not initiating anything anymore and let him come to me when he wanted it. I felt like I was disgusting. Then I finished school and graduated a year and a half ago. Then I finally was able to have down time and reflect on everything. He also would ignore me and was ALWAYS on his phone. I started to withdraw from him. He didn’t even notice. One night I got drunk and said I was talking to another man. I don’t know why I made that up but part of me feels like I did it for attention. We fought and I told him I wanted a divorce, I felt he had put me through so much. He promised me he would change and that he would make me fall back in love with him. I wanted to believe him so bad so I stayed. *Then it just got worse, he is very emotionally and verbally abusive. He at times is physically abusive as well*. Then the girls mom came back into their life’s and one of them started treating me like crap. He never stuck up for me and just let it happen. For 8 years I was the only mom they knew and the one that did everything for them. Again I started to detach, this time not even wanting him sexually. When we would fight he would tell me I sucked everyone’s d*** he would say it so much, I couldn’t being myself to do that with him anymore. And now with everything and how mean he is, I don’t sleep with him as much as he would like me too, but if he only understood how broken I am inside, how much damage he caused, then maybe he would see why, but instead blames me for everything. And there you go, now you know the whole story and I can’t even tell you how much it hurts to type this all up.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> So he hasn't said it yet. He's only come here *****ing cause he only get sex 3 times a week. But SHE stated it very plainly in this thread. He broke her nose.


Okay, I didn’t read each and every post. So divorce the SOB


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She says: 
He cheated with his ex in the first weeks of marriage.
Broke her nose in the first weeks of marriage.
Kept cheating.
Didn’t work for 10 years.
Was addicted to pain pills.
Was emotionally and verbally abusive.

So with all this happening in *the first weeks of marriage, *she not only stayed, but still wants to stay. Either what she says isn’t totally true, or she has some problems with self esteem that she needs help with.

I can’t see ANYBODY staying with a man that cheats and beats, and sits on his ass for 10 years not working, and it happens immediately after marriage. Yet it seems it does.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> She says:
> He cheated with his ex in the first weeks of marriage.
> Broke her nose in the first weeks of marriage.
> Kept cheating.
> ...


 I have seen it happen with my own eyes and told by experts that on av women that are victims of DV run away 6 times before they go for good , I went to the police looking for advice in my town and was told to go home and tell her not to come crying on our door , but we often all so here the police say that when they get the call they go around to the house talk down both and ask the person to make an official complaint they refuse , one woman killed here last week was killed by her husband that had been let out of jail with a bracket on him she was after making a official complaint for dv before hand and there was a blow up in the prison when he mad an attack on her he was in prison for road offences


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## Ontheotherside (Nov 30, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> She says:
> He cheated with his ex in the first weeks of marriage.
> Broke her nose in the first weeks of marriage.
> Kept cheating.
> ...


Ton of people stay in abusive relationships 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’m only suggesting she has stayed far too long, needs to try something different, like leaving.


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