# Wanting to move - separate



## Hope4Future (Aug 7, 2014)

In a nutshell, married to someone who is totally my opposite in every way and he will be the first one to say so. It's a long story but we have an 9 yr old DD. We've tried counseling - ended in stalemate. We have not shared a bed for 4 yrs and have separate rooms. I work, he is not working. Aside from being there for my daughter and taking care of himself, he contributes very little to the running of the household, finances etc but is slowly but surely pushing me out, making me feel unwanted and a nuisance in my own home,emotionally and sometimes verbally abusive. I have the opportunity to purchase a small condo in the neighborhood and it's all I can think about. Like others, I long for peace. DH has a PD and living with him is very difficult. I don't wish him any harm. I still love him but I don't know how much longer I can live in the same space with him. Four years ago I asked him to leave and he hoovered me in, things were better for a month and gone steadily downhill since. I don't want a divorce. I have no desire to cause him hardship (we are both older and he would lose health insurance etc). I don't want another relationship. But my biggest concern is DD. She is always trying to push us together. She has her routines at bedtime with daddy and misses me terribly when I am working. I hate disrupting her life so much. I am so torn! He will be very resentful and not willing to work with me. this has been going on since the first year we were married and I was just stupid, stupid, stupid because I thought I could help him and make it work. I KNOW... Thoughts?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you do not want a divorce, do you want a legal separation?

Why not see a lawyer and find out your options? Going on like this is not good for anyone. Your daughter is learning that this is what marriage is all about. Not a good lesson for a child.


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## Hope4Future (Aug 7, 2014)

I went to a lawyer in 2010. YOu can't go back but I wish I had followed through back then I was so adamant and still got suckered back. I don't want a divorce. But I agree with you totally and her idea of what marriage is is being severely damaged


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Can you get a legal separation? 

It would (hopefully) give you peace of mind.

Probably be able to keep insurance for H.

Allow you to buy the condo.

Allow you to teach your daughter what a strong happy woman looks like. 

Cons? I can't think of any. Except the child visitation. That will work out tho.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Don't buy the condo without a separation or divorce. He will be able for half of its equity as a marital asset.

Sorry for your pain,
Stretch


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## Hope4Future (Aug 7, 2014)

Thanks everyone...still not sure where I'm headed with this. It's very complicated. I really appreciate the responses. As far as equity...lol anything I would buy would be low and have none... Our joint property would still be split as well so it really is insignificant.


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