# wont come back



## jtc (Aug 24, 2011)

forgive me but this is my first time on here and am desperate.. here is the story Im married and have 3 young kids , my wife and I have had a rocky last few years do to a number of factors, her responce to the them was to cut me off emotionally and my response is to get angry,,. Anyway I was on a business trip and was persued by a much younger beautiful woman and you guessed it , I committed adultery. A few weeks later my wife found out, she took the three kids and left, she has been gone a month, I see her every day when I pick up the kids etc but she is so angry and hurt she gets mad when I ask her back, she is not sure she loves me enough to work on the marraige, she doesnt know what to do.. I on the other hand am so sorry and angry at myself ,Im just a mess, I love her but she doesnt hear me any more,, help


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Cheating is a big deal to the person who was betrayed. I don't blame her for leaving. You broke the trust and it's hard to get that back.

I don't know what you should do...you kinda did this to yourself, sad to say.

Let her have some time. Maybe she'll come around and want to talk.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

You might want to post in the "Coping with Infidelity" forum. There are a lot of people there who have been in your situation (and in your wife's) who could help support you.

God Bless.


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## jtc (Aug 24, 2011)

thanks for the advice just cant believe that I was capable of doing such a thing to someone I love so much


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

You let your emotions get the better of you in a time when your marriage was not doing well. I recently posted an article on my blog: Improve My Marriage: Affairs: Healing from an Affair. You might find some helpful information there. I also agree with enchantment about posting this in the coping with infidelity forum.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How did she find out? Did you confess?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Go to any and all websites you can find, and read, read, read---what the various waywards did to get their family back

Why did you find it necessary to sleep with another woman-----your mge. may have had difficulties, but your wife didn't sleep around

You have to become completely SELFLESS in all aspects of your life----and try as best you can to give her the WHY you found it necessary to "dis" her, your own kids, and everyone who was dear to you


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## jtc (Aug 24, 2011)

she found out by my cell phone..the problem is I love her and my family with all my heart and only now realize where I went wrong,and your right I did become selfless. I now realize what is important and just how much i love them,I have began to change my life,and all I want is for her to give me the chance to show her.. but shye is so angry she wont even talk about it


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Actions, not words, will be the key to any hope. Get yourself into counseling, make appointments for her to join even if she refuses, open your email/cellphone/phone/computer/chat accounts to her, DO everything and anything to show her, don't just tell her. Write to her and tell her just how sorry you are, how you will commit yourself for life to repairing this if she will give you the chance, and lay out in detail what you will change about yourself to make it worth her effort. Write a NC note telling her you love your wife, made a terrible mistake, and will never contact her again, and send it to your wife.

Then give her the space to take it all in and digest.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

As 2x said - your actions are the key now. Here's what you must do - your wife may require additional things to heal, but these are the mandatory ones. Tell her the whole truth - all of it - no matter how painful or what the consequences are. The most detrimental thing to a betrayed spouse and reconciliation is trickle truth. Voluntarily and willingly give her complete and unfettered access to everything in your life, your phone, email, social media - everything and encourage her to check those things. Answer all of her questions, every time she ask, no matter how many times you've answered the same question before and do so happily. Take complete and uncompromising ownership of what you did, no excuses, no blame shifting, no rug sweeping. Own it and let her see you own it. Talk to her. Tell her how much you love her. Tell her how sorry you are. Work through what you did with her. Put your faith, trust, love and effort into her, let her know you need her. Listen to her when she communicates to you. Finally, let her recover at her own pace and in her own way. You can ask her to talk to you, and you can show her you are genuine in your remorse; but you cannot force her to do anything or get irritated at her if she does not come around in a manner you like. 

Oh two more - that are so obvious I almost forgot them. You must go complete no contact with the OW (other woman) - complete. If the OW contacts you, tell your wife as soon as humanly possible and do not communicate back to the OW. Second, never ever under any circumstance get caught in another lie - period. There can be no such thing as a little white lie for you ever again, either a lie of commission or omission. Any perversion of the truth from you again will shatter any progress she had made. 

I'm a wayward to so I know what you're going through. Hand in there and remember actions speak so much more than words right now.


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