# am I an ungrateful wife?



## ReadyForAChange

So my husband always tells me that I'm an ungrateful wife everytime we get into an argument. I have always asked him to explain how I'm ungrateful and he gives me examples. But I cant seem to comprehend how a horrible person I am. 
This weekend, we went out of town for the weekend. We had a great weekend together except for the last day which got ruined by my ungratefulness. We were supposed to eat at one of our favorites restaurants which meant that we would have to wait about 2 and half hours to eat. We didnt eat breafast because we wanted to save our appetite for that restaurant. When we got to that city where our favorite restaurant was, the hostess told us that the wait time was about 2 hours. My husband said "forget it" since we were starving by that time. I asked him if we would come back to the reataurant to buy one of my favoritea desserts at least but he said he didnt know with an irritated look. By that time he was getting irritated. We went to the next restaurant and they told us that the wait time would be 1 hour 45 mins. By this time it was obvious he was irritated. So I asked him "what do we do? Should we wait or go look for another restaurant?" His reply was "I really dont care. I can eat a hamburger and I'll be fine" His reply made me mad and I told him "Well I didnt wait all this time just to come here and eat a hamburger. It that was the case I could have eaten a hamburger back in the town we were" I guess I was mad because I was starving, our favorite restaurant wasn't available, and who knows when we would eat there again since we live 4 hours away from that restaurant. Well this made him mad and he called me umgrateful because I couldnt be fine with just eating a hamburger. And went ahead and placed our names on the waiting list. I got mad and asked why he did that when I didnt want to wait that long to eat. This broke off WW III between the two us. Our whole weekend got ruined by food. He took off leaving me there and I had no way of contacting him, when I finally flund him he completely ignored me and made me cry in front of all those people because he was being mean. 
I wish he would understand my point of view in this whole situation but he doesn't. My thinking is. Why eat at McDonalds when we are out of town if we have one back home? Why not experience new foods and visit new restaurants or eat at your favorite restaurant? He is different. He is cheap to the point that he will have us sleep in the car instead of renting a hotel for one night. Dont get me wrong we do rent hotels but sometimes we dont. He is cheap when going out to eat or shopping. What bothers me is that he buys rolex watches and yet he complains of how expensive the food or clothes are. This is not the first time we fight over something stuover a restaurant. Wow. Now that I read it over. We sound like two children. This is ridiculous.

Can someone please tell me if I sound ungrateful? I wish I could see what he sees on me. Maybe I would understand him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RClawson

Tell me. Is your husband the youngest child? He certainly acts like it. Sounds like you are married to a little boy.


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## EleGirl

Do you work outside the home? Or if you have a job, does he earn the lion's share of your joint income?

Sorry but you do both sound like children.

I agree that part of the reason for a trip like that is to eat a really good restaurant. But if it's a place that has very long waiting times there are things you both can do to plan for this. One is to make reservations if they take them. If the wait is going to be long, eat something small before you go to hold you over. Plan on walking around and talking for the 2 hour wait. Plan….

It sounds to me like that two of you were hungry and hence not in a very good mood, and that this is true more so of your husband than of you. So plan. 

Your husband’s use of ‘ungrateful’ sounds like there is a lot more going on then just a hunger or low blood sugar induced squabble.

By the way, no your husband did not make you cry. You chose to cry. You put on a show in a public place, why? You have 100% control over how you react to his actions. Why did you choose to do this?


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## golfergirl

EleGirl said:


> Your husband’s use of ‘ungrateful’. By the way, no your husband did not make you cry. You chose to cry. You put on a show in a public place, why? You have 100% control over how you react to his actions. Why did you choose to do this?


I disagree. I don't always have control over my tears.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately

ReadyForAChange said:


> So My husband said "forget it" since we were starving by that time. *I asked him if we would come *back to the reataurant to buy one of my favoritea desserts at least but he said he didnt know with an irritated look. By that time he was getting irritated. We went to the next restaurant and they told us that the wait time would be 1 hour 45 mins. By this time it was obvious he was irritated. So I asked him *"what do we do? Should we wait or go look for another restaurant?"*


You seem to be very deferential to your husband. Why can't you make the decision? I know that my wife wouldn't 'ask' me as though I was her father, she would make a suggestion and we would talk about it. 

Maybe the pressure of always having to make the decisions is what caused him to get irritated?


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## heartsbeating

That's the worst, feeling hungry AND getting grouchy with one another. My honest opinion? You might not like it...but my perspective on what you have written is that you put your man in a no-win situation. I'll speculate that he felt disappointed too about not going to the restaurant that had the 2hr wait - because he knew that's what you wanted and most of the time, men want to provide for their wives. 

The next restaurant had a wait too and you asked him what you should both do. It sounds like you ranted about not wanting to eat at a burger place because you wanted to eat at the restaurant. You were both hungry but there was a wait time. So he tried to appease you by putting you on the wait list and then that wasn't the right thing by you either. You had a go at him for that. Sounds to me like he couldn't catch a break from you.

I wasn't there, I'm just going by what I pick up from your post. In my opinion, there's a lot to be said for rolling with the punches. I wonder how the scenario would have played out if after the first restaurant, you'd simply shrugged it off and told him you'd both make the best of the morning regardless? It feels to me you were pushing for something that just wasn't going to happen and is it possible you threw a bit of a tantrum about that? You were then both hungry on top of that which likely sparked even more agitation.

I'm not saying he's innocent in all this. Taking off and leaving you is not a mature way of handling things. It sounds like you both need to approach these sorts of situations differently. Start with yourself and see how it goes. 

I wouldn't be down with sleeping in the car. I don't know what that's about, but your post was largely about the restaurant scenario so I've stuck with responding about that. It didn't sound like he wanted to eat at the burger place because it was cheap. It sounds like it was a quick easy option for his hunger. Next time, reservation if possible, keep some snack bars or fruit handy (lol), and perhaps it's worth trying to roll with it and let go a bit more. What do you think?


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## heartsbeating

ReadyForAChange said:


> He took off leaving me there and I had no way of contacting him, when I finally flund him he completely ignored me and made me cry in front of all those people because he was being mean.


Sorry sweetheart but don't blame him for crying 'in front of all those people'. It sounds like you got yourself worked up and maybe the only way he knew how to deal with that was to shut down/ignore you. 

So was it really about the food/restaurant for you? Why such a volatile reaction about it?


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## Manas

When angry and irritated women cry, men shut down and act grouchy ... you both took out your natural reactions ... plus maybe he was doing most of the driving and wanted to eat well too ... dont think too much about it ...


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## Kurosity

I do not think you are ungrateful but I do find the whole situation a silly one to have become such a big deal. I would venture a guess that he ignored you because he was too upset to talk at ALL. You chose to cry in front of people and that is a fact because you could have excused your self to a less public area if the emotions were going to over take you despite and effort not to cry in front of others. 

If I were you I would apologize for letting such a situation get the best of you. You should have tried to save the rest of the trip by eating a hamburger with hubby. Sure you could have gotten one back home but you could have had a good time getting one where you were. Who cares if he ever understand your point of view you want to make things better then stop trying to be right apologize for your behavior and hand in the silly mess and move the heck on.

Everyone has a story where things did not work out well but they are just that, stories! This is just a thing that happened and you should let it go stop blaming and just move on. You don't have to be right he was not all wrong and holding on to it is taking one weekend with the last day ruined home with you. The first part of the trip was not bad right? SO talk about that and leave the petty negative behind you. IMO that is what you should do.

Good luck.


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## ReadyForAChange

heartsbeating said:


> Sorry sweetheart but don't blame him for crying 'in front of all those people'. It sounds like you got yourself worked up and maybe the only way he knew how to deal with that was to shut down/ignore you.
> 
> So was it really about the food/restaurant for you? Why such a volatile reaction about it?


I don't know if I should blame him for my crying. I guess I was crying because I was angry he'd left me without saying anything. Where he was going. How would you feel if your husband left you stranded in a city you didn't kknow anybody? I bet you would feel scared like I did. It also brought back memories of the time he left me stranded in a parking lot at midnight and I had to ask a stranger for a ride. Maybe all of what he has done and continues doing is what made me cry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReadyForAChange

johnnycomelately said:


> You seem to be very deferential to your husband. Why can't you make the decision? I know that my wife wouldn't 'ask' me as though I was her father, she would make a suggestion and we would talk about it.
> 
> Maybe the pressure of always having to make the decisions is what caused him to get irritated?


God forbid I make a decision on my own. He is a chauvanish in my opinion, he believes "he's the head of the house" and he makes all the decisions. There is also a big gap of age difference. He feels like he has more experience than I and thinks I will screw up because I dont have the experience he has. At least that his excuse ffor behaving like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately

ReadyForAChange said:


> God forbid I make a decision on my own. He is a chauvanish in my opinion, he believes "he's the head of the house" and he makes all the decisions. There is also a big gap of age difference. He feels like he has more experience than I and thinks I will screw up because I dont have the experience he has. At least that his excuse ffor behaving like that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think that your husband may then be suffering from a condition known scientifically as controllingassholism.

Any man who has to proclaim himself 'head of the household' and puts his wife down like that is weak and insecure.


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## lamaga

Well, I don't wait 2 hours to eat anywhere, not even at the White House! And he was grumpy -- do you not get grumpy when you are hungry?

I'm sure there might be some deep issues in your marriage, but this anecdote wasn't really chosen to highlight them. Maybe you can think about what the real issues are, and repost?


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## kag123

We've been in this situation before. We rarely ever go out to eat at restaurants that don't take reservations for this reason - waiting 2 hours is RIDICULOUS. However, there are a couple of restaurants that I really enjoy, that do not take reservations and we will go to them maybe once every two years. Cheesecake Factory is one of them.

First of all, we make sure we never arrive STARVING, because that just makes the wait miserable. Usually we wait at the bar and have a few drinks before dinner to pass the time, and nine times out of ten we actually find ourselves enjoying that long wait because we get a chance to connect and get lost in conversation.

I could definitely see my husband getting grouchy if he was hungry and had to wait. However, he would never LEAVE me at the restaurant and take off - that is just crazy. We might get angry at each other but we would never make a public spectacle out of it. 

You should not have let this ruin your night. Usually when we are faced with decisions like these, we would have put our name on the list at the #1 restaurant and either visited a couple others or called them from the lobby to ask if any of them had a shorter wait. If not, we would have stayed put and just waited it out.


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## KathyBatesel

I agree with Iamaga that you may have chosen a story that doesn't begin to address the real issues.

When he tells you you're ungrateful, I would bet he's really trying to say that he doesn't feel appreciated. Think for a moment about how you express appreciation to him. Since you used the restaurant example, I'll go with it even though it's maybe not the best one. 

If things had gone perfectly and you'd had a terrific meal at your first choice, what would have happened? Would you say thank you? Would you have wild monkey sex because you know it'd mean a lot to him? Would you spend two hours preparing his favorite meal to reciprocate? 

When it doesn't go your way, are you willing to give him credit for trying and settle for less, or do you insist on getting something comparable even when he feels like he has failed? 

My guess is that you think a "thank you" is enough to show appreciation, but will spend MUCH more time fighting to get your own way. I encourage you to spend MORE time on thanks yous than expressing disappointment if you want your marriage to be a happy one.

It sounds like you both could practice some empathy.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

What a silly argument.lol. One not worth fighting for.

If my husband and I were in this situation, which we have been is to opt to the fast food option which is only subway. Neither of us eat fried foods or burgers not grilled at home. I'm housebound due to pain, so I can't stay out too long. 

Sleeping in a car is ridiculous. Staying home is a better option. I can't imagine sleeping in a car in my condition, I rarely can stand the hotel room beds.

Him calling you ungrateful is disrespectful. It sounds like something my mother use to say to me all the time as a child. Name calling is definitely not something my husband and I do, but we tend to agree on everything, even if it means compromising.


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## ReadyForAChange

KathyBatesel said:


> I agree with Iamaga that you may have chosen a story that doesn't begin to address the real issues.
> 
> When he tells you you're ungrateful, I would bet he's really trying to say that he doesn't feel appreciated. Think for a moment about how you express appreciation to him. Since you used the restaurant example, I'll go with it even though it's maybe not the best one.
> 
> If things had gone perfectly and you'd had a terrific meal at your first choice, what would have happened? Would you say thank you? Would you have wild monkey sex because you know it'd mean a lot to him? Would you spend two hours preparing his favorite meal to reciprocate?
> 
> When it doesn't go your way, are you willing to give him credit for trying and settle for less, or do you insist on getting something comparable even when he feels like he has failed?
> 
> My guess is that you think a "thank you" is enough to show appreciation, but will spend MUCH more time fighting to get your own way. I encourage you to spend MORE time on thanks yous than expressing disappointment if you want your marriage to be a happy one.
> 
> It sounds like you both could practice some empathy.


When things go smooth, I make dang sure to thank him. I cook for him at home since I know he loves homemade food the best. I always try to please him, be it with cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, and even in the intimate aspect. Dang I make sure he gets some even when I dont feel like it.. he cant complain about our sex life. I guess he calls me ungrateful because I dont want to eat a hamburger?? We ate hamburgers the day before!!!. I settled for that. I guess it's hard for any of you to give me your opinion without knowing all the issues in my relationship.
I don't have a job, he is the bread winner of the house, but as I said before I make dang sure to do my part as a wife and mom, and full time college student. I guess he resents me for not working, considering he is older than me all he cares about is his retirement and probably wishes i would support myself AND still take my responsibilities as mom, wife, and full time student.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Paulination

Can you give another example og him calling you ungreatfull because I don't get it from this situation. What I do get is BOTH of you were irritated by the prospect of waiting 2 hours to eat so you turned on each other.

Similar thing happened with my wife and I once. We got to the restaurant and the wait is over an hour. She wants to stay, I do not. I thought about and agreed to stay. She then spends the next 20 minutes analyzing every facial expression I made so she can point out how pissy I was being. I ofcourse was pointing out what a good sport I was being for waiting. Made for a bad time until we just decided to chill out and people watch.

I bet your husbands recollection of what occurred would be much different then yours. No excuse for taking off though.


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## Entropy3000

ReadyForAChange said:


> God forbid I make a decision on my own. H*e is a chauvanish in my opinion, he believes "he's the head of the house" and he makes all the decisions.* There is also a big gap of age difference. He feels like he has more experience than I and thinks I will screw up because I dont have the experience he has. At least that his excuse ffor behaving like that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah so the real issue emerges. You have resentment. Perhaps he treats you as a child. Neither is good.

So this has little to do with a restaurant. But next time maybe you should not skip breakfast. Get reservations as well. 

You guys did not plan this well. This was a bridge too far scenario. Meaning, you guys set yourself up for issues. That is when you have no contingency. Either everything is perfect, with all planets aligning or you have a melt down. Never ever plan anyhting of significance that relies on everything going perfect. It pretty much never will. 

So the expectation should be that you had something to eat to tide you over, you have reservations but that you are both adult enough to know that if things do not work out that a hamburger together is fine as long as you are together. Sure there is disappointment. Also this would get old it is always goes to the contingency. But that can be dealt with through better timing and planning.


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## KathyBatesel

ReadyForAChange said:


> When things go smooth, I make dang sure to thank him. I cook for him at home since I know he loves homemade food the best. I always try to please him, be it with cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, and even in the intimate aspect. Dang I make sure he gets some even when I dont feel like it.. he cant complain about our sex life. I guess he calls me ungrateful because I dont want to eat a hamburger?? We ate hamburgers the day before!!!. I settled for that. I guess it's hard for any of you to give me your opinion without knowing all the issues in my relationship.
> I don't have a job, he is the bread winner of the house, but as I said before I make dang sure to do my part as a wife and mom, and full time college student. I guess he resents me for not working, considering he is older than me all he cares about is his retirement and probably wishes i would support myself AND still take my responsibilities as mom, wife, and full time student.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, then, maybe it's the opposite and you're doing too much. It sounds like you may have a power imbalance in your relationship, and this can lead to many problems. The restaurant example you gave is just a symptom of something much bigger and deeper. It sounds like the two of you have some important compatibility issues, which will worsen any power struggles that occur.

Just how much age difference is there? And what is the reason you don't work outside the house?


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## heartsbeating

ReadyForAChange said:


> I don't know if I should blame him for my crying. I guess I was crying because I was angry he'd left me without saying anything. Where he was going. How would you feel if your husband left you stranded in a city you didn't kknow anybody? I bet you would feel scared like I did. It also brought back memories of the time he left me stranded in a parking lot at midnight and I had to ask a stranger for a ride. Maybe all of what he has done and continues doing is what made me cry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It does sound like you have resentment and perhaps it's emerging in forms of melt-downs with minor scenarios such as the restaurant. 

Listen I'm not perfect, especially when hungry, but I can tell you my husband has never left me stranded. Sure we've had other stuff to work on and had a few stupid moments between us, but in most cases, things escalate because of both parties. All you can do is take responsibility for yourself. You said there were no warnings, he just left you. I'm guessing in the very least that there were signals in his body language to indicate that he was reaching his limit of patience. Reel the emotions in (not to be confused with suppress) and take a breath. Try to remember you're meant to be on the same team before it reaches that point.

Now, as for me, if I was left stranded in a city... I'm pretty self-sufficient and capable so although I'd make it clear afterwards that that wasn't acceptable to me (and be prepared to hear what wasn't acceptable to him in return), I'd probably have sorted myself with food and thought about what on earth was really going on between us. Because this dynamic needs to change. In my opinion, part of taking responsibility in this for yourself, is calmly expressing what is and isn't acceptable to you AND be prepared to hear his take on things. You can only make changes if you're both aware and willing. It really does sound like this restaurant scenario is just an indication of what's going on - because you're posting about it and starting to bring up other scenarios and expand on why things went down the way it did.


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## hidingaway

your hubs and my hubs are EXACTLY the same. my hubs is too cheap to take the toll hwy to downtown... BUT he'll gamble away thousands on a vacation to vegas. they're a weird breed of people, but trust me.. he's not the only one. 

the way i've gotten around the way my hubs is is to be more laid back. i used to have to be in control of EVERYTHING.. but when you get married you cant do that. trust me. i could see the exact same thing happening to me and my hubs, the difference is i would have gone to get hambergers. i definately wouldnt have started crying about having to get hambergers.

sure you have mcdonalds in your home town.. but do they have the same parks? or is there a lake? take the mcdonalds and eat somewhere fun. the experience can still be saved... the trip doesnt have to be wasted. 

make lemonade with those lemons, girl! and dont waste tears over small things.


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## seesah

ReadyForAChange said:


> God forbid I make a decision on my own. He is a chauvanish in my opinion, he believes "he's the head of the house" and he makes all the decisions. There is also a big gap of age difference. He feels like he has more experience than I and thinks I will screw up because I dont have the experience he has. At least that his excuse ffor behaving like that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My husband and I have a large age difference and sometimes I feel as though he treats me as a child but I think that's because I allow it. Setting clear boundaries is difficult but it's important in all relationships. It sounds as though he listened to your suggestion of which restaurants to go to but you gave him grief about the wait, not wanting to wait, being hungry, and then wanting to go get some "cheap" food. I think calling you ungrateful is an unfair move on his part. Any name calling is unfair in my opinion. Men tend to have difficulty expressing the way they feel but that's no excuse for leaving you alone without a way to get home or get hold of him.

I think you both need to work on your communication skills and you need to take some responsibility. He is your husband, not your father. You realized it wasn't logical to wait 2 hours at one restaurant and 1.5 hours at another, you were both hungry, wouldn't it just make sense to go somewhere you could get food quickly? If not, make a suggestion instead of asking him what you should do. I understand the disappointment of not being able to eat somewhere you had been looking forward to, but it's incredibly frustrating for our significant others if we pout because we're not getting our way. It's also ironically very childish.


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## tennisstar

Could a lot of your marital problems be because your husband resents you not working? Could he financially be stressed and need your income?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## River1977

johnnycomelately said:


> I think that your husband may then be suffering from a condition known scientifically as controllingassholism.
> 
> Any man who has to proclaim himself 'head of the household' and puts his wife down like that is weak and insecure.


Amen to that!

Your controllinga**hole wanted a sweet young thang that he could control and treat like his child but finds it tedious and annoying to be married that child. Stop acting like your husband's child and grow up. I cringed with disgust reading your posts because it sickens me when women act like their husband's child and allow their husband to treat them like one.

You might have heard the saying, "Women marry their father." All my life, I heard that saying by one person or another or I read it in some article or another. It never made sense to me, and it wasn't until maybe 5 or so years ago that I realized what it actually means. Some people think it means women marry men who act like their father or who look like their father. That is what made no sense to me because I have never seen a couple where the husband looked like the wife's father. At least, it surely didn't happen often enough (and how on earth could it?) for the saying to become general and popular opinion.

Plus, I felt there must be something warped about women marrying men who look like their father. I once met a man who looked my father, and I couldn't even bring myself to kiss the guy. It was eerie how much he looked like my dad - the same complexion and facial features; the same smile; the same mannerism; the way they walked; the way turned and moved their body. My dad had an ever so slight hunch right about the shoulders, and this guy did too. I just couldn't do it, so I knew that could not possibly be what the saying meant because surely most of the women in society would be as repulsed at the thought as I was.

What I finally realized the saying means (after witnessing it on a grand scale) is that women BECOME the man's child. He treats her like a child as if he is her father, and she responds to him like a child as if he is her father. You are the perfect example of that. What I read over and over in your posts is that you ask, acquiesce, whine, complain, and cry as if you are 6 years old and your HUSBAND is your father. You married daddy and live your life by his permission and approval.

It appears that so far, no one was able to determine what he means by calling you ungrateful, but I think I see what he means. You first ASKED him "what should we do?" and then whined and complained of his answer. Your reason for your rebuttal may have been a logical one under the circumstances, but it wasn't the adult thing to do from the start because you shouldn't have asked in the first place (living your life by his permission). You defer to him way too much. He is not your father. 

If you are so resigned to being his child, allowing him to "make all the decisions," acquiescing to him being "head of the house," and remaining married to a "chauvinist," then do as you are told instead of whining and complaining all the time, especially when you are the one who asked. I think what he meant was you asked him to make the decision (because you're accustomed and resigned to not being allowed your own opinion) but then didn't appreciate the decision he made. Ungrateful isn't exactly the word for it (not really what it means in this respect), but I suspect he uses that word in place of what he really wants to call you, which is "a child." From what I understand of your first, second, and third posts is that he treats you like a child and calls you a child in every way he possibly can without actually coming out and saying the words. He says "You are so ungrateful" instead of "You are such a child" or "I have more experience" instead of "You are such a child" and so on. Don't your children do the same thing to you? They ask your permission or approval and then whine/complain/cry when they don't like your response.

If you haven't yet understood that you are the reason for "what he has done and continues doing" to you, then you really are not getting the message. Just like it took me many years to understand the abstract meaning of "Women marry their father," you are not picking up on what your husband keeps trying to say in the words he uses and in how he treats you. 

The thing is, you should not allow this. You should not acquiesce to him and allow him to treat you as so inferior. You should not ask his permission to live any moment or portion of your life. And, you defintely should not whine and cry when you can't have your way. He treats you like his child because you act like his child by living the way HE determines you must live. You don't like it. You don't like how he makes you feel, so you shouldn't put up with it. He does it because you allow it. You WILL put up with it for as long as he likes because he will not stop until you get a backbone and grow up. When reading practically every sentence from you, all I could think was "SERIOUSLY??!!"


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I haven't worked in 12 years and I will never be able to work again. It was actually discussed that once I quit my job to care for the children, I may never work again. My husband strongly suggested I'd be a SAHM and it took me a full year to finally quit the working world. Little did I know I'd be breaking my neck and having a forever disability and forever not working. I do plenty at home and I push myself to the max daily. If it wasn't for the chicken coop my husband built for me, I wouldn't have the motivation I have today and spend most my day in bed. I'm 100% responsible for my flock. I'll be up to 10 laying hens. They keep my day going. I strive to keep my hubby happy since he does so much for us.

When I was running 6 miles a day, my husband use to call. He was a little jealous because he wanted to be home running. On super nice days he will now say something about me being home. The kids are gone 8 hours a day.

He does not ever resent the fact I'm at home while he's working. He works very hard as well. He has had 2 other part time jobs with his full time job all at once. He currently is up for a promotion and interviews next week! We pray he gets the job! He's been working it now for 3 months. The part time jobs will be history then.

As the posters stated above, it sure sounds like he is resentful that you stay home. I know so many men like that, especially my current and old neighbors. They expect their wives to bring in money. There is so much tension when there's that much resentment. I'm thinking you both can work on your communication skills as well? Getting mad at a restaurant seems so trivial. 

It looks like you both need to work hard on your marriage. It takes both parties to make it work. Communicating each others needs, wants, and feelings about everything daily in a calm tone, I think really helps keep the marriage going strong. Good luck!


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## SimplyAmorous

I think had we found ourselves in your predicament... we would have went to McDonalds, bought a couple burgers to calm the starving pains... then went back to the lessor of waiting times fancy Restaurants & waited & enjoyed ourselves...made a memory. 

I think we all have bad days like this though, and misunderstandings. Nothing new under the sun.. I just put this on another thread... hopefully you'll both come to feel this way, it was a bad situation... it could have been handled better, but it's over now... let's get back to some harmony...










I sound similar to your husband in cheapness...I used to be worse -when we had debt & was saving for our dream house... now that we are debt free, I have loosened up. I would refuse to buy a box of cereal over $1.50 at one point in our early marraige (always had to have a coupon) ...but think nothing of buying a SLR camera for $1,000 ...... I just felt some things were not worth it, if I could get cheaper somewhere else...I'd wait & stock up...I had a method to my madness though... we had dreams & we weren't exactly rolling in high paying jobs. 

Sleeping in the car is a bit much, I would have chosen the cheapest campground with a pool, lots of trees & a nice view anyway & pitched a tent!


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## tennisstar

Just from the sound of things, and I could be wrong, this is about you not bringing in any income. You probably do tons at home, but not bringing in any money can be a big stressor. I can relate. I earn the larger salary in my household. My husband remodeled our home and did a lot of the work himself. I still have found myself resentful that he's not earning more, even though he does tons of remodeling work. (I do all the cleaning, laundry, etc even though I'm gone to work 50 hours week). So I think you're husband saying you're ungrateful has to do with you not earning a living. Have you thought of going back to work?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## River1977

Go back to work for your own independence and not have to tolerate being mistreated. Let him be as cheap as he wants and spend his retirement by himself. He'll change his tune then.


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## tennisstar

River, I get from your post that her husband is wrong to want her to work. Is that what you mean? Maybe he thinks she doesn't appreciate him supporting her. When I hear someone saying someone is ungrateful, I think they mean the other person doesn't appreciate them making a living for both of them and how stressful it can be being the sole breadwinner.
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## Conrad

tennisstar said:


> Just from the sound of things, and I could be wrong, this is about you not bringing in any income. You probably do tons at home, but not bringing in any money can be a big stressor. I can relate. I earn the larger salary in my household. My husband remodeled our home and did a lot of the work himself. I still have found myself resentful that he's not earning more, even though he does tons of remodeling work. (I do all the cleaning, laundry, etc even though I'm gone to work 50 hours week). So I think you're husband saying you're ungrateful has to do with you not earning a living. Have you thought of going back to work?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Any man who thinks earning a living doesn't meet an emotional need for his woman needs to read this post.


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## CAC

wow you guys. He left her in a parking lot with no way of contacting him on how to get back home. I would have cried too, what a stressful and ridiculous situation. Even if you two did get into an argument over something like its understandable but he had no right to leave you stranded, your his wife, how disrespectful!

I just hated it how the majority of these comments seem to be putting all of the blame on the women. It was a little misunderstanding that turned into a blow up fight, the blame should 100% not be placed all on this woman's shoulders.


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