# I cheated but it's been 10 months already



## Caligirlxoxo (Dec 13, 2017)

I'm going to start with our ages. We're both 19 year-old college freshmen but met 2 years ago. 
The cheating happened while he was out of town for a month. My friend Jessica was a terrible influence at the time and started convincing me that my bf is more than likely cheating and kept insisting I should start dating others. Shortly afterwards, I started joining dating websites and dancing with other guys at a club.

Cutting through the chase, he found out through some picture where I was at a restaurant with the other guy. Not the slightest idea how he got a hold of that picture. He never cheated and I was crushed upon finding out he wanted to surprise me for a date after returning home. I never had intercourse with the other guy but did more than kissing. After many attempts in trying to win him back by calling and calling, finally he decides to work it out. *Keep in mind this happened 10 months ago.*

Initially he was ok and after a week or so stopped mentioning about it and wouldn't ask questions anymore. However, for these past weeks he's been acting kind of cold and distant. It's like he doesn't even like me and has said several times that maybe I'm not the one he thought there was a future with or ''so who are you going to fool around this time''. Why now? Why did he seemed ok and still affectionate before? I've been trying to reassure for the 10+ time already. Is the relationship ever going to improve and be like it was before? He was ok in the beginning. I don't get why now all of the sudden he changed.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

You’re 19.

Just break up and move on.

He may have already started the process himself.

Dump your friend as well. She sounds like a terrible influence.


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

Maybe the shock finally wore off. You're too young to be in a serious relationship anyways


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

You're going to find a lot of adults in here who don't take your situation seriously because of your age and the length of your relationship. Count me among them. And in the world of adults, 10 months is not considered a long time. 

That being said, infidelity is a really big deal to a man (possibly to women too, but since we're discussing his feelings, I'm going to look at this from the perspective of a man). Through your actions, you basically told him that he's not man enough for you. This is something many men can simply _never_ get over. You're permanently tainted in his eyes. He was probably hoping things could get back to normal but as he matures he's realizing that your infidelity is really a deal-breaker for him. 

The two of you should break up. It sounds like it's going nowhere anyway. You could probably be easily convinced to cheat again, and he'll probably only grow more resentful of your original transgression even if you don't. Perhaps in your next relationship, you'll have the maturity to not be so easily influenced by your friends. This comes with age and experience.


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## Caligirlxoxo (Dec 13, 2017)

So he hasn't forgiven me? I really thought he did. He said it when he took me back. I love him.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Caligirlxoxo said:


> So he hasn't forgiven me? I really thought he did. He said it when he took me back.


And he might have meant it.

_Then_.

If someone else has turned his head, though, he may suddenly find himself resenting you.

Hell, it might be that your friend that’s caught his eye.



Caligirlxoxo said:


> I love him.


I have two responses to this —

1. Doesn’t matter.

2. Don’t worry, you’ll get over it.


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## Caligirlxoxo (Dec 13, 2017)

Tatsuhiko said:


> You could probably be easily convinced to cheat again, and he'll probably only grow more resentful of your original transgression even if you don't. Perhaps in your next relationship, you'll have the maturity to not be so easily influenced by your friends. This comes with age and experience.


I don't cheat ever again. I learned.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Caligirlxoxo said:


> I don't cheat ever again. I learned.


So did he.

If you’re still hanging out with Jessica, by the way, that’s probably weighing quite heavily on his mind.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Forgiving you for cheating isn't just like flipping a switch. It's a process, and a lot of it relies on your actions. He may seem okay sometimes, when he manages to put your actions out of his mind, but then he will remember. He doesn't trust you. He probably feels like he doesn't know you, and wonders if you lie to him about other things. Have you done anything to regain his trust? Have you dropped your friend Jessica? You need to take a long look at yourself, as you are the age where you are trying to figure out what sort of person you want to be. So is he. Right now, he's trying to figure out if he wants to be someone who could date a woman who abandons her loyalties the minute he's out of town. Sometimes he does, but sometimes he doesn't.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Caligirlxoxo said:


> So he hasn't forgiven me? I really thought he did. He said it when he took me back. I love him.


If you love him, why did you so easily cheat on him? You are 19, just break up and move on. Your relationship will never be what it once was. That is all history now. He is realizing he can't get over it, or he is going to cheat on you or dump you soon enough anyway. Set each other free and move on. 

No reason to be in a serious relationship at 19 anyway. Now is the time to get out there and date around. Find yourself and find out what you really like and are looking for in a partner and learn to be honest about who and what you are and what you are looking for. 

Also don't use Jessica as an excuse for your own poor choices. That is all on you.


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## Caligirlxoxo (Dec 13, 2017)

I've tried everything to make him feel I can be trusted again. He gave him access to my emails. He can check them at any time he wants to. I hardly ever speak to Jessica.


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## musiclover (Apr 26, 2017)

Caligirlxoxo said:


> I don't cheat ever again. I learned.



Regardless youre too young to be so involved that you are on a marriage site. Go be a 19 year old and have fun. Life is short you shouldn't be here yet


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## Caligirlxoxo (Dec 13, 2017)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> If you love him, why did you so easily cheat on him?


I kind of freak out over not seeing him for a while. A month seemed like eternity to me and Jessica planting me ideas of him cheating, I got stupid. 

I don't know how many times I've told him in these past weeks that I won't ever cheat again. Yesterday, he wouldn't even kiss nor hold hands when we were going out. I messed up terribly. I wish he would believe me again.


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## Caligirlxoxo (Dec 13, 2017)

I guess I'm going to sadly have to let him go. He means so much to me. If I could take it all back I would.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Your relationship is tainted already and you guys have very little invested in one another. There really Isn't that much to fight for from his perspective. He's 19. Hot college girls all around him everywhere he goes. He's in the best stage of his life for dating around. And he's with a girl who already cheated on him.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Your actions changed him 10 months ago. He may have forgiven you,but he probably doesn't see you in the same light anymore. You've given him reason to reflect more and take a hard look at what is really important to him in a relationship. He grew up a little faster because of your actions.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TBT said:


> Your actions changed him 10 months ago. He may have forgiven you,but he probably doesn't see you in the same light anymore. You've given him reason to reflect more and take a hard look at what is really important to him in a relationship. He grew up a little faster because of your actions.


And unless he’s incredibly naive, he’s not really buying the “I _swear_ we didn’t have sex!” line.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Better to learn this lesson now at 19 then at 40 with 3 kids. It NEVER goes away. You will understand more when it happens to you, and it does happen to most of us, when it does remember you were on the other side. The shock has probably worn off your boyfriend or he decided the constant reminder of what you did by your very presence is too much for him. 

Also where is your friend now? She selfishly wanted you to hook up so she had a partner in her hooking up. She wasn't a good friend and pretty much blew up your relationship and now no where to be found to help you clean up the mess. Some people are just ****ty like that. Stay away from toxic friends.

You are 19 just starting out it's good to learn all these lessons now.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> And unless he’s incredibly naive, he’s not really buying the “I _swear_ we didn’t have sex!” line.


Yeah,teens are a lot more sophisticated these days compared to when I was young. There seems to be more of an urgency to grow up.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TBT said:


> Yeah,teens are a lot more sophisticated these days compared to when I was young.


:lol: :rofl:



TBT said:


> There seems to be more of an urgency to grow up.


Yep, after years of suckling at the nourishing teat of MTV, they’re all woke and thirsty and totes YOLO or WTF ever.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Caligirlxoxo said:


> I've tried everything to make him feel I can be trusted again. He gave him access to my emails. He can check them at any time he wants to. I hardly ever speak to Jessica.


Well between all that and it having been ten months since you cheated on him, why wouldn't he forgive you!

Seriously, if you want a serious long term relationship you need to grow up and mature. until you have matured to the point that you can control your hormones, you have no business trying to develop a long term serious relationship.

Move on, learn from your mistake, become a better more moral and stronger person.

Good luck.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

@GusPolinski You edited from yotes and I just looked it up. Interesting meaning.

Going to have to check in with my granddaughters(17 and !9) after this thread,lol.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Caligirlxoxo said:


> I'm going to start with our ages. We're both 19 year-old college freshmen but met 2 years ago.
> The cheating happened while he was out of town for a month. My friend Jessica was a terrible influence at the time and started convincing me that my bf is more than likely cheating and kept insisting I should start dating others. Shortly afterwards, I started joining dating websites and dancing with other guys at a club.
> 
> Cutting through the chase, he found out through some picture where I was at a restaurant with the other guy. _Not the slightest idea how he got a hold of that picture._ He never cheated and I was crushed upon finding out he wanted to surprise me for a date after returning home._ I never had intercourse with the other guy but did more than kissing_. After many attempts in trying to win him back by calling and calling, finally he decides to work it out. *Keep in mind this happened 10 months ago.*
> ...


Jessica probably made sure he found out about the picture. She wants what you have. Misery loves company. 

Did you tell your BF you gave the guy handys and had oral sex with him? Takes a while to get that image of your beloved out of your mind. 

Men like to claim back what was theirs. But afterwards when they think about what their cheating partner did it all comes back, lies and images. Then they wonder why should I put up with this? This will not go away quickly. 

You two spent 2 years together. That is a long time for a 19 year old. He is wondering if he can ever trust you again, About all you can do is tell him you are truly deeply sorry for hurting him and that it will never happen again which you have done 10 times. Give him more time if you truly want to be with him. If not let him go. If he breaks up with you accept that and move on. Cheating is very difficult to get over and many relationships never recover. Some do though. You are learning a hard lesson in this. Carry it forward the rest of your life.

Lessons: 

1) Avoid toxic people who encourage you to be a liar. If she was your friend she would not have encouraged you to do this this. Like I said misery loves company. Take note of that. 
2) Don't cheat. People get really hurt. Some take their own lives. The worst betrayal in the world is from someone you least expect, the one you trust the most. Cheating is a knife in the back. Not pretty.

I wish you the best. 

Good luck


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

Caligirlxoxo said:


> Why now? Why did he seemed ok and still affectionate before? I've been trying to reassure for the 10+ time already. Is the relationship ever going to improve and be like it was before? He was ok in the beginning. I don't get why now all of the sudden he changed.


My guess is he's got his eye on someone. If I were you I'd just move on with someone fresh because he will always remember and if you stick with him it may eventually lead to problems anyway. If you find someone new you won't have that history hanging over your head. 

Just don't make the same mistake twice. Remember honor is as (or more) important than love in a relationship. You can go though tough times where the romance wanes but it's possible to get that back if you put in the effort. Once you lose your honor it's harder to recover. It's a deal breaker for a lot of people. Sometimes it just takes them a while to realize how much of a deal breaker it is.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TBT said:


> @GusPolinski You edited from yotes and I just looked it up. Interesting meaning.
> 
> Going to have to check in with my granddaughters(17 and !9) after this thread,lol.


I actually meant “totes”.

Don’t even know what “yotes” means, and I’m not sure I want to know.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Another troll account wasting our time.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> I actually meant “totes”.
> 
> Don’t even know what “yotes” means, and I’m not sure I want to know.


A yote is a prick teaser.She makes guys fall for her while pretending to feel the same way.
She doesn’t give a **** about him really.


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

I’m not convinced that you’re remorseful. It sounds like you are expecting your BF to get over your cheating in 10 months or less. You don’t seem to own your mistake. A poster questioned how you might be easily convinced to cheat again and in reply you pointed out Jessica’s influence. 

As someone who cheated you don’t really have a say on how someone you betrayed gets over it and when they get over it. 

The wise thing to do is take the advice that’s been given to you. There are people here who have a wealth of experience to offer. If he wants to move on, let this go. This is not worth chasing.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Caligirlxoxo said:


> I've tried everything to make him feel I can be trusted again. He gave him access to my emails. He can check them at any time he wants to. I *hardly ever* speak to Jessica.


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