# Is he cheating? Can I get some honest opinions on what's going on here?



## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

I would have sworn my husband would never cheat on me. He's very moral and always is really disgusted whenever he hears about anyone cheating on their spouse. I just could have never imagined that he could actually do it. However, last night at 9 PM he claimed that he needed to go to our storage unit which is an hour away and there is a lot of traffic to get there. I thought that that was strange but he insisted that he wanted to get something so that he could ride the bike with the kids the next day. As he was leaving I noticed that he had his briefcase with him. I asked him why he had his briefcase and he said that because he is in between phones right now (doesn't have a cell phone), it is his only way to communicate with anyone should there be a problem. I thought that was strange because he would need Internet to use the computer and how would he find that at the storage unit or on the road? He told me that he may not be back until after I was asleep which I thought was strange too. Anyway, I woke up at 2 AM and he was still gone. I paged him and about 10 minutes later he walked in the door holding leftover pizza in his hand. He said that he never got into the storage unit and that it was a really bad night he couldn't get the code to work. I asked him why it took him 5 1/2 hours if he never got into the storage unit and he said that it was a terrible night and he would tell me about it in the morning. A little later I heard him get up and go into the kitchen. He said that he was getting something to drink. Long story short, I accused him of cheating this morning and he told me that of course he wasn't. I found out later that he was stashing the leftover pizza so that I wouldn't see it. He must have forgotten that I saw it when he came in or didn't think that I saw it. So he told me that he couldn't get into the storage unit and spent all that time trying and then he went through the Wendy's drive-through. I told him that I saw the pizza and his jaw dropped. So I caught him in a lie. Also, and here is where I really think he's cheating, I know that he won't go to a restaurant alone. He has always told me that he hates going to restaurants alone because he feels like a loser. Also, he never uses cash to pay for anything because he wants the mileage from the credit card. Every time I pay for something in cash, he tells me to use the credit card. Neither Wendy's or the pizza place is on the credit card. He claims that he used cash to pay for them. When I tell him the reasons that I know he is lying, he broke down and said that he was just enjoying some time to himself and that nobody else is involved. He got very teary-eyed and said that I am his whole life and I am the only person he wants. Of course, he adamantly denies being with someone else. What do you guys think? If it was all so innocent, why the lies? Why stash the pizza? Why pay for the pizza in cash when he never does that? Also, there are no ATM withdrawals from him for months. Where is he getting the cash?


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Giant red flags. Don't know if he's cheating or not, but something is not right. Could be anything, but I'll tell you one thing, this site is full of "cheaters" who you would swear would never cheat but did, including my WW. Moral people cheat all the time, no one is immune.

Btw, no matter what he's up to he's a terrible liar, he'll screw up eventually.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Trust your gut. Teary eyed. Guilt.

He has probably thought up some new lies. Be prepared. Listen carefully. Try not to rip into him. If you are firm that you know he is lying I suspect he will break. He doesn't seem good at this. 

Look for a burner phone.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Not too many of us thought they married a cheater. Sounds suspicious to me. 

Don't confront him anymore.

If you want the truth, you have to lay low and investigate. 

I
Good luck. Sorry you are here. 

Trust your gut.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

What's a burner phone?


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

Thanks for all of your opinions. Unfortunately I think you are all right. Something is going on and he sucks at lying. Honestly, right or wrong, I wish he was better at it. I really would rather not know. At least not right now. I'm overwhelmed taking care if two, two year kids with no support and I have a disability which caises me chronic, relentless pain. We are also holed up in a tiny apartment trying to find a home since we just moved here from out-of-state. No time is good but this is a really, really bad time to find out that my husband is cheating on me. Anyway, thanks again for your advice and opinions.


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## ShadowBunny (Mar 9, 2011)

A burner phone is one with a number you don't know about. 

I'm curious: last year you posted about your husband's selfishness for wanting to take a 10 day volunteer trip to a 3rd world country, and how he resents not being single. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/120434-traveling-alone-when-married.html Are you really surprised about this behavior?


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

HarryDoyle, what does WW stand for?


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

Yes, very surprised. He is a physician and has always done overseas work twice a year, single or married. But that never lead me to think it would mean he's a cheater, especially since his ex wife cheated on him and he's so adamant that cheating is wrong and makes one an immoral *****.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

So is a burner phone one of those disposable phones? Is there any way to find out if one is registered to him?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I don't know if he's cheating or not, but heading out the door at 9pm on a Saturday night, disappearing for over 5 hours is disrepectul behavior.

A burner phone is a pay-as-you-go phone, buy it at the local 7-11 or Walmart. A disposable phone.

The whole story is odd.

I don't think he would be that ballsy to bring home leftover pizza that he just shared with his lover. Who is that dumb? And why change the story from pizza to Wendy's. I suppose we've seen it all here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

is he an overeater? maybe he's doing some binge eating due to depression. People have been known to drive around aimlessly. Anything financial or work related going on in his life?

Call the storage unit place. Do they have records of many wrong codes being entered? those place usually have some kind of 24/7 surveillance and probably would call the cops if some dude was sitting out there for an hour trying to guess the code to the gate.

Check if he really still has a storage unit. Or it might be worth a trip to see what else he's been stashing there.

do the normal checks...get his email accounts, chat logs, etc. If he doesn't have a cell phone, check your apt phone records for escort services, frequently dialed numbers, etc

do you have an electronic toll systems? are there tolls on the way the storage place? check the records

do you know for sure if his ex-wife cheated on him? maybe he flipped the story around when he told you about his history

he's a physician without a cell phone? that doesn't sound right


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

center1 said:


> HarryDoyle, what does WW stand for?


Sorry, it means "wayward wife" - WH = wayward husband, WS = wayward spouse. BS means "betrayed spouse". OM/OW means other man/other woman just to list a few.

On a side note, you might want to get a look in that briefcase.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

He just turned in his cell phone from the previous employer out of state. We just moved here for his new job and at this place they use pagers. He has been holding out on getting a new cell phone because he is waiting for the new iPhone. So he is in between phones right now. So that part of the story makes sense.

However, the whole story last night makes no sense to me at all. You just brought up some absolutely fabulous ideas. I am going to check the electronic toll system to see if he ever even made it that far. Unfortunately, I believe I already know the answer to that. The pizza thing is weird because you are right, why would he bring leftover pizza home? However, why would he later stash it? That makes no sense whatsoever. My guess is that he was drunk and didn't think about the fact that he was bringing leftovers home and then when I started questioning him this morning, he remembered the leftovers and tried to stash them. I mentioned that I know he will not go out to eat by himself and that's when he said that he just went to a Wendy's drive-thru. So I told him that I saw the pizza and his jaw dropped. He didn't know that I saw the pizza last night. At this point he knew he was busted to some extent so he said that he wanted to have some time to himself and that nobody else was involved. But like I said, he's told me over and over that he hates going to restaurants by himself because he feels like a loser. Even when he travels for work, he usually just gets room service. He rarely ever goes out by himself to eat.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

I did look through the briefcase last night when he went to sleep and didn't find much. I found a few checks, one for 3 grand that the mortgage company sent to us for escrow overage. I guess he forgot to mention that one to me. Maybe that's where he's getting this money from. He cashes miscellaneous checks without telling me that they even exist.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

That's bad...


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Going out to left field here...

Do you live near any casinos? Gambling?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

center1 said:


> Yes, very surprised. He is a physician and has always done overseas work twice a year, single or married. But that never lead me to think it would mean he's a cheater, especially since his ex wife cheated on him and he's so adamant that cheating is wrong and makes one an immoral *****.










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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

We do live near casinos but he hates gambling. I enjoy it occasionally and I have to drag him to go with me. I doubt that's it. He's a workaholic and we have fought about him never spending time with the family so I did consider that he snuck out to so a bunch of work but the lies seem to be way overboard for that scenario.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

center1 said:


> We do live near casinos but he hates gambling. I enjoy it occasionally and I have to drag him to go with me. I doubt that's it. He's a workaholic and we have fought about him never spending time with the family so I did consider that he snuck out to so a bunch of work but the lies seem to be way overboard for that scenario.


Illegal drugs? Sadly some doctors do succumb to illegal drugs.


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## Monica sky (Sep 15, 2014)

You really sure he is cheating on you? We cannot judge a person cheating on you by some thing that maybe you are alleged to this. I think you’d better find proofs before you put the thing on the table. I recommend you can use some monitoring tool like iKeyMonitor to know your husband behavior such as his texts and phone calls. I don’t know if you want to do it, but just in case. Of course, couples need to trust each other. Sometimes we do this in order to reduce our doubts.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Yeah, I would actually have guessed Poker game or something.

But yeah, something isn't right.

Next time it happens (and it will), go down on him or feel him up when he gets home. It will be obvious if he has sex or even freshly showered and used another soap.

Have you tried to have a heart to heart? Can I suggest you try to just lay it out in the open. Say you love him, say you want to plan the rest of your lives together, but that he needs to communicate to you. Try telling him your deepest darkest secret and then encourage him tot do the same. I know it doesn't work for all, but it's worth a try.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> center1 said:
> 
> 
> > Yes, very surprised. He is a physician and has always done overseas work twice a year, single or married. But that never lead me to think it would mean he's a cheater, especially since his ex wife cheated on him and he's so adamant that cheating is wrong and makes one an immoral *****.
> ...


This isn't coming through


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

Monica sky said:


> You really sure he is cheating on you? We cannot judge a person cheating on you by some thing that maybe you are alleged to this. I think you?d better find proofs before you put the thing on the table. I recommend you can use some monitoring tool like iKeyMonitor to know your husband behavior such as his texts and phone calls. I don?t know if you want to do it, but just in case. Of course, couples need to trust each other. Sometimes we do this in order to reduce our doubts.


No. I'm not sure he's cheating but what I do know is that that man would never go out for dinner by himself and he tried to hide the fact that he did go to dinner. So who was with him? I may never know. I want so badly to believe he's not cheating but someone was with him getting food and he tried to hide it. That doesn't look good.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Have you had a real heart to heart before?
I thought I had with my wife, but it turns out, she had never opened up completely to me. Just not something she did. I'm suspicious of anyone that doesn't now.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

center1 said:


> Yes, very surprised. He is a physician and has always done overseas work twice a year, single or married. But that never lead me to think it would mean he's a cheater, especially since *his ex wife cheated on him and he's so adamant that cheating is wrong and makes one an immoral ******.


My ex-husband told me this about old girlfriends way before we met. He was always so disgusted that he was cheated on, etc.

Fast forward to 2012. I find out he's been cheating for years. Then I find out some young woman he's been seeing (behind my back of course) is pregnant. If I had a dollar for every lie he's told me, I'd be filthy rich. He's a cop so when he said he had to go into work early to "talk to the captain" or a meeting, or was late home at night due to "overtime"... I believed him.

I trusted him wholeheartedly, in retrospect I should have hired a private eye to follow him around.

I now think the ones that have been cheated on, are likely to cheat themselves. I wonder if they think well everyone does it.

I strongly suggest you start keeping tabs on him ASAP.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

From what you've posted I see evidence that something is going on, but so far it does not necessarily equate to cheating. I think you would be making a mistake to jump to the cheating conclusion at this point. It could be surprisingly innocent. 

I glanced through your other threads and what I do see is a high level of anxiety/insecurity portrayed in your persona. I get the impression you are struggling to arrive at conclusions without the necessary communication with your husband first. 

I think you should monitor your husbands activities, but only with the utmost caution that you do not offend him or falsely accuse him. You could really ruin a good thing if you are wrong in your assumptions. 

On the other hand you should educate yourself on what "gaslighting" is and be aware of how it can affect you if he is indeed being unfaithful. 

Mouth shut and eyes/ears open is the strategy to pursue at this point. Good luck.


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## bluerunner (Mar 22, 2013)

Smell his clothes. My ex, also a physician, would go MIA for hours at a time and come up with stories that did not make sense so I started smelling his clothes and there it was, perfume! He also went on medical missions twice a year for about 2-3 weeks at a time and I know for a fact that his mistress went with him on one, if not a few, of those trips. My ex was also a workaholic but he used work as an excuse to see his other woman; I'm sure many cheaters use that excuse. 
Trust your gut! By the way, TAM is a great place for advice.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

What really sucks is that I have nobody to talk to about this. I can't tell my friends and I can't tell my mom. It's very isolating. I can't be 100% sure whether he's cheating or not but what I do know is that these lies have damaged our marriage. Nothing will be the same again.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

center1 said:


> We do live near casinos but he hates gambling. I enjoy it occasionally and I have to drag him to go with me. I doubt that's it. He's a workaholic and we have fought about him never spending time with the family so I did consider that he snuck out to so a bunch of work but the lies seem to be way overboard for that scenario.


He also says he hates cheaters...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

commonsenseisn't said:


> from what you've posted i see evidence that something is going on, but so far it does not necessarily equate to cheating. I think you would be making a mistake to jump to the cheating conclusion at this point. It could be surprisingly innocent.
> 
> I glanced through your other threads and what i do see is a high level of anxiety/insecurity portrayed in your persona. I get the impression you are struggling to arrive at conclusions without the necessary communication with your husband first.
> 
> ...


this


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

PBear said:


> center1 said:
> 
> 
> > We do live near casinos but he hates gambling. I enjoy it occasionally and I have to drag him to go with me. I doubt that's it. He's a workaholic and we have fought about him never spending time with the family so I did consider that he snuck out to so a bunch of work but the lies seem to be way overboard for that scenario.
> ...


True. He's incredibly cheap though so I highly doubt it. No matter what is it isn't happening, his lies have damaged our marriage. We had our issues before but they were fixable. This has changed everything. It's unrepairable.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you considered counseling? And possibly telling him he has one chance to come clean on what happened that night, where you'll at least be open to considering sticking around to fix things? But if you find out later that he lied about that night, there's no chance.

You could also consider a polygraph, but right now you don't know enough to ask the right questions. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Weightlifter has a detailed surveillance thread. Look Into it below. Go dumb, and go into 007 mode and investigate further. Also search around CWI for other tips. 

Most folks here consider someone guilty until maybe a bit not so guilty, so don't let that get you down, they've been hurt and hurt badly. Yes, it's possible he's up to something, also not. So 007 would be the best for now. VAR the car.

Smell his clothing, check underwear too. Look for receipts. Condom count... Right now it's a pizza caper but could be something else. Stay calm while checking. It's your right to snoop. There is no secrecy in marriage, just privacy when using the toilet. Folks do confuse secrecy with privacy. Do you have access to all his email, phone, passwords of all accounts? Facebook... Check around.

Click here...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html#post9756666


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

PBear said:


> Have you considered counseling? And possibly telling him he has one chance to come clean on what happened that night, where you'll at least be open to considering sticking around to fix things? But if you find out later that he lied about that night, there's no chance.
> 
> You could also consider a polygraph, but right now you don't know enough to ask the right questions.
> 
> ...


He won't go to counseling. He's a workaholic and rarely home. We tried counseling once and I ended up sitting there by myself. He says he'll go to keep me from leaving and then he won't show up. 

Is there somewhere you can take people for polygraphs? How do you get hold of one of those?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

center1 said:


> I did look through the briefcase last night when he went to sleep and didn't find much. I found a few checks, one for 3 grand that the mortgage company sent to us for escrow overage. I guess he forgot to mention that one to me. Maybe that's where he's getting this money from. He cashes miscellaneous checks without telling me that they even exist.


The finances should be a open book and discussed. As for his activity the other night...just odd he had a pizza. If infidelity occurred, going for a personal pan pizza would probably not be on his mind?


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> center1 said:
> 
> 
> > I did look through the briefcase last night when he went to sleep and didn't find much. I found a few checks, one for 3 grand that the mortgage company sent to us for escrow overage. I guess he forgot to mention that one to me. Maybe that's where he's getting this money from. He cashes miscellaneous checks without telling me that they even exist.
> ...


Maybe the actual physical hasn't happened yet and they are in the sneaking around to meet phase. Remember we've only been here for two and a half months.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

I checked the toll transponder. There are no trips registered with his car. I brought this up to him and he claims he went another way. There really would be no other way to go that would make any sense now.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

STOP bringing things up every time you catch him in a lie. You check, make a secret file, compile the evidence and then confront. All you are doing is making him hide things better and become much better at covering up his acts. A poster, who deleted his thread, confronted his cheating wife early and she waited over a month to meet back up with her affair partner.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

center1 said:


> He won't go to counseling. He's a workaholic and rarely home. We tried counseling once and I ended up sitting there by myself. He says he'll go to keep me from leaving and then he won't show up.
> 
> Is there somewhere you can take people for polygraphs? How do you get hold of one of those?


You don't have enough details to do a polygraph, IMHO. You can only ask yes and no questions. Not "What did you do on Friday night". 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

center1 said:


> Maybe the actual physical hasn't happened yet and they are in the sneaking around to meet phase. Remember we've only been here for two and a half months.


But a pizza? For me...I would not be bringing home a pizza from a met up, EA or PA(I have never cheated). But I can assure you I would be covering my tracks. The pizza would have been dumped.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

center1 said:


> I checked the toll transponder. There are no trips registered with his car. I brought this up to him and he claims he went another way. There really would be no other way to go that would make any sense now.


Ok he's lying again. You know this, but you don't have proof of what yet. So, if you can, follow him, check records, go to the bank and ask someone to show you the financial records for your account if he doesn't show them to you, look for evidence of secret accounts, etc. 

You can't ask him every time you catch him in a lie...he will just lie more and then he will start hiding it better because he knows what you are looking for.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> STOP bringing things up every time you catch him in a lie. You check, make a secret file, compile the evidence and then confront. All you are doing is making him hide things better and become much better at covering up his acts. A poster, who deleted his thread, confronted his cheating wife early and she waited over a month to meet back up with her affair partner.


:iagree:

Get enough evidence before making your case. No tolls registered. What other way then to the storage unit? Pizza box when H stated Wendy's. 5 hours attempting to get a code to work. Usually after 3 attempts the storage unit systems lock out the user at that time. Sometimes these units register when a particular unit has been accessed or attempted access. Additionally, cameras are installed at storage units.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

center1 said:


> No. I'm not sure he's cheating but what I do know is that that man would never go out for dinner by himself and he tried to hide the fact that he did go to dinner. So who was with him? I may never know. I want so badly to believe he's not cheating but someone was with him getting food and he tried to hide it. That doesn't look good.


It doesnt seem like you have a solid reason to think he is cheating. What exactly does he keep in the storage unit? There has to be some reason he was out until that time. I wouldnt consider going to Wendy's out to dinner, thats a fast food joint with a drive up window too.

I have to say though thats strange to be at a storage unit for all that time trying to get in? Did he dig a tunnel? His story does sound like a lie but he could have been doing just about anything. Give it a little time to see if anything else unusual happens.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

center1 said:


> He won't go to counseling. He's a workaholic and rarely home. We tried counseling once and I ended up sitting there by myself. He says he'll go to keep me from leaving and then he won't show up.
> 
> Is there somewhere you can take people for polygraphs? How do you get hold of one of those?


Sorry to say but nobody in their right mind is going to take a polygraph for anything. How is your relationship with H?


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

center1 said:


> We tried counseling once and I ended up sitting there by myself. He says he'll go to keep me from leaving and then he won't show up.


so you set a consequence, and when he failed to do his part of the deal, you didn't follow through. 

Why would he think you're really serious this time?


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

clipclop2 said:


> Trust your gut. Teary eyed. Guilt.
> 
> He has probably thought up some new lies. Be prepared. Listen carefully. Try not to rip into him. If you are firm that you know he is lying I suspect he will break. He doesn't seem good at this.
> 
> Look for a burner phone.


I agree, no need for tears if he was telling the truth. My FWH would never drive an hour one way to get something out of a storage unit at night for a next day bike ride, who would? 

Something is going on but you have to stop confronting and accusing with no evidence. Back off and get more info before you say any more. Phone records/email etc. If you really want to know get a VAR (many references to that on here) and put it in his car. 

Above all, trust your gut and don't let him gaslight you.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> STOP bringing things up every time you catch him in a lie. You check, make a secret file, compile the evidence and then confront. All you are doing is making him hide things better and become much better at covering up his acts. A poster, who deleted his thread, confronted his cheating wife early and she waited over a month to meet back up with her affair partner.


Agree, each time you bring something up he will lie because you have no real proof of anything but the little lie. Even if all the lies add up to something big, he will only answer the current question, with a lie. He has to to protect himself, this is what they do, until you have real proof of something like cheating. Stop confronting until you do.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> center1 said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe the actual physical hasn't happened yet and they are in the sneaking around to meet phase. Remember we've only been here for two and a half months.
> ...


Yes but remember, he got up in the middle of the night and stashed it then told me he went through the Wendy's drive-thru. That's what's not adding up. That and the fact that he vehemently refuses to go out to eat by himself.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

roostr said:


> center1 said:
> 
> 
> > No. I'm not sure he's cheating but what I do know is that that man would never go out for dinner by himself and he tried to hide the fact that he did go to dinner. So who was with him? I may never know. I want so badly to believe he's not cheating but someone was with him getting food and he tried to hide it. That doesn't look good.
> ...


The Wendy's drive-thru was a lie. He had leftover pizza from a restaurant that he stashed. And he refuses to go out to eat by himself.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

ReidWright said:


> center1 said:
> 
> 
> > We tried counseling once and I ended up sitting there by myself. He says he'll go to keep me from leaving and then he won't show up.
> ...


What consequence did I set? He says he wants to go to counseling when I'm fed up and ready to leave. It wasn't presented as a consequence for not showing up.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

PamJ said:


> clipclop2 said:
> 
> 
> > Trust your gut. Teary eyed. Guilt.
> ...


What is a VAR? And gaslight?


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> phillybeffandswiss said:
> 
> 
> > STOP bringing things up every time you catch him in a lie. You check, make a secret file, compile the evidence and then confront. All you are doing is making him hide things better and become much better at covering up his acts. A poster, who deleted his thread, confronted his cheating wife early and she waited over a month to meet back up with her affair partner.
> ...


Okay so I called the storage unit and they confirmed that someone did try to get in the gate around that time. However, the entire place closes down at 9pm so he got nowhere near the unit, just the closed outside gate. And actually, that could have been anyone trying to get into the premises. Either way, he found out the place was closed right away but still told me he spent hours trying to get in.


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## center1 (Jan 25, 2013)

You know, the sad, crappy thing is that even of I found out he wasn't cheating, the lies he's told are so damaging. I'll never be able to trust him again. I had trust issues before but I see my own therapist and keep them in check. Now this? I'm not sure the marriage could survive it. We've always had our issues like couples do but they were all fixable until now :''(


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

You want a quick resolution so you keep confronting.

I believe he will cave but you have to be rock solid and you aren't. 

Promise you won't confront again until he is busted?

VAR in the car and GPS.

AND you wait for a good several weeks.

You are teaching him how to be sneakier. If and i do mean if he is cheating it is very possible his AP isn't stupid and will help him cover his tracks. So now that you have let him know you are checking up on verifiable evidence if there is an AP she will be helping him cover up.

So. 

Act happy. You believe him. Things are good.

If he is cheating he wants to be in laa laa land and will gladly buy into you being happy. The caveat is that if he knows you haven't trusted him for a long time he will delay buying back into laa laa land but since he wants to be there so much he will do it sooner than its rational.

How quickly you catch him is dependent on your dynamics with him,

But you said it is unforgivable already. So I have to ask what you want at this point.


Do you live in a fault state? Is there any benefit in proving infidelity?

Thinking strategically, yes do the surveillance but focus on understanding your finances and figuring out if all assets are transparent. If there is no benefit and all you need is a fair shake in D then just shoot for it.

If his shady behavior over time eroded the trust and he is never around anyway why go through the drama of trying to prove infidelity? You no longer love him I gather. So do a clean break and don't allow yourself to be gutted which proving infidelity willsurely do, even if you don't ove the guy,


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## WatchmansMoon (Mar 6, 2013)

I'm so sorry you have to even worry about this. Here are some basic signs to look for if you suspect your spouse is having an affair. I hope they're helpful:
Avoids eye contact with you. 
Talks continually about the unknowns of the future. 
Shows an increased disinterest in the topic of sex. 
Makes excuses for not spending time alone with you. 
Acts unusually guilty when you do something nice for him/her. 
Quits complimenting you on your physical attractiveness. 
Stops saying, "I love you" and even acts rudely to you. 
Starts buying you gifts to ease his or her guilt.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Wonder what it was in the storage shed that was required for the next day...?

How on earth did he survive without it the next day...?

Next time go with him when he wants to suddenly head out somewhere. His response will be informative. Just cheerfully say you'll come along.

Check your phone records. If you have the account and password, you can get a lot of info online.

Also, watch actions not words.


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