# Surgery on the goods...



## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

So not to long ago I posted a thread called "Bloodtastrophy" in the sex in marriage forum.
Well, in December I was having a issue where my "period" just didn't stop. So I got an appointment in January had my pap smear which was normal, then had my paragaurd removed. We thought that could have been the issue as far as the bleeding went, but it still didn't stop, so later that month I got the depo shot. So time rolls by, April I go back to see my gynecologist. At this point she is concerned that I have bled everyday for all this time and schedules me for an ultrasound. So I go in for that...Turns out I have polyps, fibroids, along with a pocket of fluid in there. The blood is staying behind the lining of my uterus, and she said it appeared that I have adhesions in there. I haven't ever had a D and C before or an abortion so she isn't sure how I would form them. Either way, I go Friday for a Hysteroscopy and the D and C. I had my pre-op today. Nothing real devastating. But I am 26. So I was a little annoyed that all of this is going on.

Another mentioning about all of this is since December I have had sex 5 times. 5 times.....5 times....5 times...Did I mention 5 times?!
I am about to rip my hair out. For whatever reason, my boyfriend withholds and in turn makes me feel rejected that he isn't being sexual with me. BLOOD grosses him out! COME ON!!!!! Are men really that sensitive about blood that they cant screw their woman?
UGH!!!

Anyways, I can cry about that all day. The women I work with laugh at me because it is all I seem to talk about. But AM I really that gross!?

I got lucky the last couple of days I hadn't actually bled which is so weird...So we attempted to have sex and no sooner then we started we stopped because I started bleeding. All he could say was sorry. I just started crying. I am just sick of it. There isn't anything wrong with me that he cant have sex with me. he just doesn't like blood! 
Gah!!!!!

Men does this turn you off!? Do you view your woman as nasty because of this? 

So, with all the betching and whining, I have been thinking...Do I only screw him 5 times in 7 months once or if I am healed and stable? I think it is fair to withhold and reject him. Or would it even do any good to give him a taste of his own medicine?


I just don't know :/ 

Thank you my friends.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

"Adhesions" sound like endometriosis to me. Maybe they should be doing a laparoscopy and not just a hysteroscopy? 

As far as your sex question, I can't answer that. I'm a woman, and it grosses me out to have sex when I have my period, so I'm with your boyfriend . But, many people do not feel that way.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I feel your pain and have had bloody sex a couple of times but it does gross me out.

I don't think you are nasty and I didn't think it of my wife.

I just don't feel sexually turned on when blood is happening.

Very sorry. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> I feel your pain and have had bloody sex a couple of times but it does gross me out.
> 
> *I don't think you are nasty and I didn't think it of my wife.*
> 
> ...


I think it might not be all that different from being intimate with someone with a really bad cold. You don't hold it against the person, but you'd still rather they not have it going on.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I wanted to add to my post about endometriosis.

I was diagnosed with it around your age, while trying to conceive and being unsuccessful. It is diagnosed through laparoscopy (of course that was 16 years ago so maybe diagnostic methods have changed). I had "adhesions" on my bladder, and I think "near" my bowels. I had never had a D&C or an abortion, either. 

Just food for thought. If I were you, I'd cancel the hysteroscopy and insist on a lap. because they can clean it out if it's in there, and see anything they'd see in a hysteroscopy anyway. (At least I think so!).

ETA: Also make sure they do an endometrial biopsy.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I was under the impression that a laparoscopy was for outside of the uterus and and hysteroscopy was for inside and they usually biopsy the sample taken then and whatever is removed in the D&C is sent to pathology.

I had a D&C for something similar and it corrected everything. Make sure you get your iron levels checked OP, I ended up severely anemic for several years from the whole ordeal, not fun. The operation was easy though.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

I would do ya:grin2:

But I'd say it is pretty common not to want to.


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## thinsection (Jun 10, 2015)

[ Another mentioning about all of this is since December I have had sex 5 times. 5 times.....5 times....5 times...Did I mention 5 times?!
I am about to rip my hair out. For whatever reason, my boyfriend withholds and in turn makes me feel rejected that he isn't being sexual with me. BLOOD grosses him out! COME ON!!!!! Are men really that sensitive about blood that they cant screw their woman?
UGH!!!

Men does this turn you off!? Do you view your woman as nasty because of this? ]

This one's a little tricky. When I was younger, there was no way I was going a week without, but my wife thought it was "gross", so we compromised by doing it in the shower.

Nowadays, a little blood is fine, but with a lot the lubrication is too "watery", so I wait it out. 

Maybe your man will go for the shower method, but really, a young guy that will go over a month without sex could very well be LD.

Best of luck getting sorted out. During menopause my wife had a period that lasted over 40 days, with each day heavier than normal (change your clothes heavy). Not fun for either of us...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I don't think I could stay with a man who wouldn't want sex just because of some blood. It's not like you asking him to go down on you!! Blood is just fluid for god sakes! A towel, a wash cloth so he can wipe his hands afterward... He doesn't even have to look, you could clean him up afterward. It would be different if he was the kind that fainted at the site of blood. Funny how so few women faint at the site of blood. My FIL was down for the count at blood.

You very young to be dealing with this BK. I've had the same procedure twice. But both were in my 40's. Although fibroids are very common in women and those little bastards do tend to trap blood so you're not actually bleeding, you're leaking what was trapped at the last shedding.

I have to say, your GYN doesn't seem too on the ball. 6-8 weeks of constant bleeding and she should have ordered an ultrasound, not 4 months later!

So now you know your prone to fibroids. They tend to come back after a few years and especially during pregnancy. Make sure you have some conversation about the possibility of getting fibroids again, what you can do to reduce the chances, how soon you should contact her if you start continual bleeding once again... I don't know why but so many GYN's really suck at educating their patients. Maybe because women talk they figure they don't have to?


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## BBF (May 21, 2015)

Old guy here. Bleeding never an issue for me but have had a wide range of reactions from ladies I have known. First wife was totally off limits when she even just thought Aunt Flo might be coming. Crazy Italian GF wanted to make love on even days and fvck on odd days regardless. I remember leaving a $100 bill on the bed of one hotel room because it looked like we'd slaughtered a chicken there. 

So people are different. That said, maybe he thinks he's being considerate. His remark: "I'm sorry." Leads me to think that. 

If you can't talk about it, write him a letter. It's unemotional, doesn't talk back and can be thoughtfully composed. 

Good luck with your lady parts and your guy.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Anon, i have debated on being with him because of this. I think it is do childish. Hell, men dont mind getting up in it after youve been pissing all day...lol

I think he is low desire. Those couple of days i wasnt last week, he sidnt even suggest trying anything until i did. Then when it happened he sat up and looked and said sorry. 

How about in sorry. Hell if he isnt wanting it now, what will make him later...i dont even know. Maybe he just needs someonw else. 

This dang depo has just put weight on me and has done nothing for the bleeding. 

Im just depressed. I dont feel like i am wanted. Im veing rejected over all this. I am not going to be having sex eith him when i get better either.


Im going to the toy store. He can be low desire and ill just screw myself. I can do it better anyway.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I wanted to add to my post about endometriosis.
> 
> I was diagnosed with it around your age, while trying to conceive and being unsuccessful. It is diagnosed through laparoscopy (of course that was 16 years ago so maybe diagnostic methods have changed). I had "adhesions" on my bladder, and I think "near" my bowels. I had never had a D&C or an abortion, either.
> 
> ...


She said the procedure would allow her to go in and get out the polyps and fibroids. 
She is hoping this will help. If not we would take another approach. 
Im sorry for your problems. I know i dont feel to shabby most days dealing with my issues so i know you have been yukkie too. 

Thanks.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

anonmd said:


> I would do ya
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Lol :rofl:
That is sweet!!


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I feel your pain and have had bloody sex a couple of times but it does gross me out.
> 
> I don't think you are nasty and I didn't think it of my wife.
> 
> ...



But what is so gross about it?! That is what i dont understand.


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## sunhunter (Sep 4, 2013)

Like the saying goes :"a good captain also sails the red sea".


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## Kitt (Jun 3, 2015)

No, it doesn't "gross" my man out....this is a bodily function. If he can't handle that....I have no interest in coddling a partner. The point is that right now you need support and he is acting like a myopic child. Move on. He sounds selfish...you will have lots of issues over the years...this one is minor and he handled it like a child. A selfish, immature child. Sorry you are having to go through this with no support.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

bkaydezz said:


> But what is so gross about it?! That is what i dont understand.


Well, it can look like a murder scene afterwords:laugh:


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

I am one of those guys that it doesn't bother much. Its usually her that isn't in the mood when she is having her period. We have done it by using a towel or simply washing the sheets after. 

It does inhibit a little because I like to incorporate a lot of foreplay before getting down to PIV. But it doesn't stop us if we are in the mood and there are a lot of ways to make love. 

Intimacy is a requirement in my relationship so we find a way most of the time. Although I swear every time we go on a vacation for even just a special weekend she has her period. Well a lot of hotel sheets have been stained through the years.  

OP your BF is LOW drive or simply not that into you. Your not sexually compatible IMHO. Time for a change. This will only get worse if you don't.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

anonmd said:


> Well, it can look like a murder scene afterwords:laugh:


True, but then you have concrete proof you've done it right!


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Lila said:


> @bkaydezz, on your other thread I suggested you try the Soft Cups. Did you ever do that? In the U.S., you can buy them at CVS or Wal-Greens. They are typically found in the feminine products aisle right next to the tampons.
> 
> I too don't understand what all of the fuss is about with period sex but that might be because I've never had to worry about heavy menstruation. The concept of seeing a 'blood massacre' or laying on towels is completely foreign to me. I guess it's all relative.


I actually mentioned them to him. He didnt seem very interested. So i didnt buy any. 
I also mentioned anal, or how he could still go down on me with a tampon in or use toys on me. But there is just nothing that is pleasing to him. 

He suggested the shower, we have had plenty of shower sex. Water is not a lubricant!! But i did anyhow. I havr stopped giving him head all together. Im just not pleasing him if hes not pleasing me.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Kitt said:


> No, it doesn't "gross" my man out....this is a bodily function. If he can't handle that....I have no interest in coddling a partner. The point is that right now you need support and he is acting like a myopic child. Move on. He sounds selfish...you will have lots of issues over the years...this one is minor and he handled it like a child. A selfish, immature child. Sorry you are having to go through this with no support.



Omg so selfish!! Unbelievable.
The problem forever has been that if i didnt cum forst and he would that he would do nothing to satisfy me although he was. 

I just dont understand how i can be giving and down to do anything with him as long as it doesnt involve another person and this is whats getting him. 

Ughhh!!!!! I have talked to him i have screamed or yelled and cryed and nothing is getting through. I guess ill jave to be blood free or he will have to be with someone else.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Vorlon said:


> I am one of those guys that it doesn't bother much. Its usually her that isn't in the mood when she is having her period. We have done it by using a towel or simply washing the sheets after.
> 
> It does inhibit a little because I like to incorporate a lot of foreplay before getting down to PIV. But it doesn't stop us if we are in the mood and there are a lot of ways to make love.
> 
> ...


Haha! Well it seems as though she upholds her end with you as you do her. I dont know how to make it a requirement in mine!? 
Other women i speak eith talk about how their men please them and make sure they are satisfied and that they will have sex eith them on their periods and i am thinking how the hell did i end up with a guy who is so sensitive about this that he is willing to ruin his relationship over this. 

He of course says im just dramatic and doesnt take me feelings into consideration. 
I wouldnt mond having sex everyday!!! I am sick to my stomach daily because i don't have sex. 
I feel disconnected and overly emotional. 

I evem told him i have fantasized about sleeping with other men. He is passive aggressive. He didnt evem say anything just a blank look on his face. 

Pfft....

I feel like a dog in heat just ready to jump on anything lol it's terrible.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

bkaydezz said:


> He suggested the shower, we have had plenty of shower sex. Water is not a lubricant!! But i did anyhow. I havr stopped giving him head all together. Im just not pleasing him if hes not pleasing me.


Silicone lube works great in the shower, or the bath, the pool, etc. etc...


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> Haha! Well it seems as though she upholds her end with you as you do her. I dont know how to make it a requirement in mine!?
> 
> Its actually simple and hard at the same time.
> 
> ...


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Vorlon said:


> bkaydezz said:
> 
> 
> > Haha! Well it seems as though she upholds her end with you as you do her. I dont know how to make it a requirement in mine!?
> ...


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## lglyn1 (Jun 10, 2015)

Sounds like you really need a second opinion before you do any serious or expensive procedures.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

lglyn1 said:


> Sounds like you really need a second opinion before you do any serious or expensive procedures.


This is a good starting point. 
She said she didnt want to remove anything if it wasnt absolutely necessary. I agree with her.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> True, but then you have concrete proof you've done it right!


That was my motto as we would be changing the sheets afterwards :grin2:

It never bothered me. I typically wouldn't initiate sex during these days in case she was cramping, things like that but if she were in the mood game on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

honcho said:


> Anon Pink said:
> 
> 
> > True, but then you have concrete proof you've done it right!
> ...



Awesome!!!!


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

intheory said:


> How IUD's ever made their way back after the '70's Dalkon Shield debacle, eludes me.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ahw thanks!!! ? i hope so.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

bkaydezz said:


> *He of course says im just dramatic and doesnt take me feelings into consideration. *
> I wouldnt mond having sex everyday!!! I am sick to my stomach daily because i don't have sex.
> I feel disconnected and overly emotional.
> 
> ...


Hi bkaydezz, looks like you've got two problems. The first is the health problems and the second is the relationship problem the latter of which looks like the worst of your troubles. I don't like the way he does not validate your feelings but chooses to brush them off instead by calling you 'dramatic'. I think that that is quite insulting really. Does he always tell you how you should feel? I think that he's either masturbating quite regularly or has a very low sex drive. Was he this uninterested in sex before you starting bleeding or is this a new side of him? LD and passive aggressive is a lethal combination and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. If you're looking for a supportive and giving partner, it doesn't look like you will find it in this man. He comes across as selfish. I would take a few emotional paces back and thoroughly review this relationship to see what exactly you're getting out of it. I would think a basic goal would be mutual happiness and I'm not getting that vibe from your description.

Regarding your health problems I don't need to tell you this but just in case, get at least 2-3 opinions for consideration. Speaking from experience, adhesions could be caused by endometriosis. If you do need surgery if would be prudent to ask that they _*don't *_remove any organs - just in case the dr makes a decision during the surgery.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

Sorry but when I have my period sex is off limits. Its gross.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I could never be with a man who was so easily grossed out. Period sex is great and helps with cramps. It takes a lot to gross out my husband. Heck, he's seen a lot more with the birth of our son and me vomiting. A little blood is nothing. 

As for the health issue, I would get a second opinion. It took your obgyn way too long to get things going, so I would not trust her(or him) to be able to do things well. Don't ever be afraid to get a second(or third, fourth, etc) opinion. You don't owe loyalty or anything to your doctor. Make sure you feel confident of the doctor's ability and the plan they have for your treatment.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Blood does not gross me out, sex or not, but I would be concerned (health standpoint). I've worked in the ER... If you get grossed out easily one won't last long there. I think for some men (and women), blood just feels unnatural which is odd because seminal fluid actually contains a coagulating enzyme (aids in blood clotting mechanism). But, not everyone can deal with these situations as easily as others.


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

Ikaika said:


> Blood does not gross me out, sex or not, but I would be concerned (health standpoint). I've worked in the ER... If you get grossed out easily one won't last long there. I think for some men (and women), blood just feels unnatural which is odd because _seminal fluid actually contains a coagulating enzyme (aids in blood clotting mechanism)_. But, not everyone can deal with these situations as easily as others.


Interesting


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

the2ofus said:


> Interesting



Blood can be (depending on the quantity) toxic to spermatozoa and evolution favors success of fertilization.


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> Vorlon said:
> 
> 
> > I definitely feel like i am worth more. I just don't want to give up. But i also don't think he deserves much more of my time.
> ...


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

FizzBomb said:


> bkaydezz said:
> 
> 
> > *He of course says im just dramatic and doesnt take me feelings into consideration. *
> ...


Actually we have always had high drives together. Mine hasnt changed but his has plunged since all of this started. 
He is selfish. I tell him this often. But every thing i notice or if i point out something i am always demeaning! Now how is that possible? Seems to me like he is just trying to throw it all on me. 

He is passive aggressive. I feel like i am a nag because all o do is bring up my feelings and try to wxplain to him how i feel then he just sits there with a look on his face. 
Then every so many arguements he will say around the same things like this is why i dont talk to you you dont know how to talk or i get a you always yell or i get Because you are demeaning...he cant accept anything i say in any way i say it. Ive been super nice, to neutral, to mean, to hostile, loud, to yelling and even screaming. Nothing works! He doesnt ever reach out to speak to me. 
Now if i ever shut down about something he wants to know and he will bother the crap out of me. But usually i dont have a problem speaking my mind. But why cant he share or talk or just be involved?!


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Vorlon said:


> bkaydezz said:
> 
> 
> > Vorlon said:
> ...


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## DanaS (May 28, 2014)

Hey, don't feel bad. I have dealt with fibroids and other issues and can have heavy bleeding for days, even weeks! Fortunately my husband doesn't mind and we still have sex multiple times a day. It also works wonders with cramps! Sorry if TMI but after giving birth my period has already come back with a vengeance and have found myself having to apologize to my husband for things I said/did, he's very understanding though.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Just updating my surgery....

She said my uterus looked good. She also said i had alot of blod clots. 
She mentioned running some more tests after my post op appointment because she thinks it is just my hormones making me bleed. 
They did a great job. The women were all so wonderful. 
I have to say my throat really hurts though from all the air haha.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@bkaydezz--glad to hear that your recent visit went well. I have no advice/input on the health issues, as it's never something I've had to deal with or have any knowledge of. But, RE: your boyfriend...

Most of the men I've been with were OK with period sex (the few who weren't were also complete jerks on other ways, so they didn't last very long anyway). I had one guy who preferred period sex over non-period sex! He loved it, go figure. If he wasn't married now, I would offer to set the two of you up, lol! But my point is that the decent guys, even if period sex wasn't their favorite, they never let the blood be a reason to say "no" to sex; and as another TAMer mentioned here, I've had men suggest sex as a way to alleviate my cramps.

But what concerns me more is your post below, from a few days ago:



bkaydezz said:


> I definately feel like i am worth more. I just dont want to give up. But i also dont think he deserves much more of my time.
> 
> I told him this evening that i thought he had a very low aex deive and he said if you want to be demeaning and call it that...i said i am not being demeaning. Then mentioned maybe he needed to go get his testosterone levels checked out. He just chuckled and said he doesnt think anything is wrong with him.
> 
> ...


It pains me to read this; it sounds like when you point out his passive-aggressive behavior, he is turning it around to claim that his behavior is either for your good or for the good of the relationship, when it is, in fact, all very damaging. Any normally HD man (as many TAMers here will attest) who sees his drive plummet dramatically will be frankly, freaked out--and yet he laughs it off?

It seems to me that this is already a toxic relationship, and the bleeding is just a convenient excuse. You said that you're becoming a nag, and that's part of the cycle... in trying to fix the problems, you become more vocal; he reacts by intensifying his passive-aggressive behavior, which prompts you to be more vocal (nag); and it continues. He justifies his ill behavior towards you by claiming that you've become a shrew, a b!tch... refusing to take responsibility for his role in the decay of the relationship. It appears to me that he's taking advantage of your already distressed emotional state (over your health issues) to dig in and manipulate you more.

He may not be doing this intentionally; there's a good chance that he isn't. Many people who are passive-aggressive don't even recognize their own behavior, or realize how damaging it is to their relationships. But because of this, he likely won't recognize the errors of his ways or change his behavior in any meaningful, healthy way.

Best of luck.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Did they check your ovaries at all? Maybe bring up Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome with your gyno. I am 30 and was diagnosed with this when I was 19, I can go through periods(!) where i will bleed for a whole month or sometimes like right now where I have bled so far almost 2 months. I have already had a laparoscopy/ hysterscopy three years ago after one non stop bleeding episode and it's because I do not ovulate that I get a build up of lining in the uterus that just will continually shed.
I hadn't had a problem in ages (since then really) but I had a baby at the start of this year and this cycle was the 1st since I had her, so its happening again. I go in next Wednesday for the same procedure again 
Luckily for me my DH is more than accommodating and will still initiate even when he knows I am bleeding. I am a person who prefers not to but won't at all on more severe days (ewww for me) but he has no issue with it. In fact I was bleeding on our wedding day (nice present to wake up to that day I tell ya!) and all through our honeymoon. Did that sop us? Hell no!
Your BF is being selfish IMO. So what you going to do about it?


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## Mike6211 (Jan 18, 2013)

bkaydezz said:


> i am thinking how the hell did i end up with a guy who is *so sensitive about this* that he is willing to ruin his relationship over this.


 [my emphasis]

He's not ruining the relationship.

More measured would be "run the risk of the relationship being ruined" or "accept that I may terminate the relationship over this"

What would you say to a 'sensitive' woman who really doesn't like having sex during her period, when her husband wants it?

And to a 'sensitive' woman who is constantly bleeding and whose libido is depressed by the constant bleeding, and whose husband is getting very sexually frustrated?




bkaydezz said:


> He of course says im just dramatic and doesnt take me feelings into consideration


Why 'of course' ? Sounds snide and dismissive to me. A low "emotional IQ" on his part, to be sure. But that can be worked on.

Two elements to it.

You being dramatic. 

Not taking his feelings into consideration.

Now hold up the mirror.




bkaydezz said:


> I even told him i have fantasized about sleeping with other men. . He didnt even say anything just a blank look on his face. He is passive aggressive


A blank look isn't "passive aggressive". It seems that you're labelling him. Passive aggressive would be saying he'd do something and not doing it, or expressing concern and/or feigning interest and then just letting it slip. He's nonplussed, bemused. You're not getting through to him. Turning up the volume hasn't helped and isn't going to help. Google "speaker listener technique". I venture to suggest that you pay particular attention to the part about not interrupting. ('you' deliberately left vague as to singular or plural, if the cap fits....)


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

So, sex was great until the bleeding started, but the guy can't get passed the bleeding. So it really is the fact that he just can't do it with blood involved.

I imagine the guy is struggling just to maintain his sense of dignity in light of all the disrespectful judgements... 


OP, you don't have much good to say about him. So why not just leave?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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