# 180 and other strategies



## Photogwest (Oct 5, 2011)

The situation: 

6 years into marriage with a 5 year old daughter; have had major communication and resentment issues in the marriage from early on; I was disillusioned with marriage and how to proceed two years ago and mentioned divorce and I initiated marital counseling; only did a couple sessions and didn't give it much of a shot and the two of us have really grown apart since (although in different ways...in my mind and behavior, I showed how unhappy I was but thought I was really the only one, my wife started to pour herself into single life and friends and kept a happy face at home); wife started dallying but apparently not sleeping with guy(s) at her work and has distanced herself from our married friends, church, etc. I noticed the drastic change in her behavior, found text messages, etc. and confronted her. _Then_ it became clear to me how far gone she is but instead of me conceding defeat, I really feel that I love her and we could make it work if we actually put the effort into strengthening the bond between us. Maybe too little too late for her. She's "confused" and very hard-hearted - and understandably so in many ways.

So it's been about 4 weeks. I've done a lot of what the 180 plan says not to do...planned dates, tried to reason, looked into her whereabouts and phone usage, etc. etc. I guess I'm trying to figure out to what extent the 180 plan works in this case. I take ownership for my part in driving her away, and so I feel the 180 plan, if effected as is, will simply give her what she wants. However, since I've shown her that I do want her, I love her and I think we can work through things, she is somewhat conflicted. She's definitely noticing a change in me, meaning my desire, affection and attention towards her. But in a way, she's still a wayward spouse, so I'm wondering how the 180 plan or another strategy can work here. 

Right now I'm in a place where I'm trying to put the ball in her court but not give her so much space that she doesn't see my desire and interest in saving and strengthening our marriage, especially considering that I didn't show that (neither of us really did) in the past couple years. Thoughts?

fyi - we started marital counseling but my wife is pretty clear that a very small part of her wants to stay and our daughter is probably the main reason she hasn't left already.


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## didntcitcoming (Oct 15, 2012)

1. Sorry you are here.

2. She wasn't "dallying" with other guys.....of this i'm sure. went much further then you think.

3. She is NOT "confused" or "conflicted". She knows exactly what she wants...and it's not a life with you.

4. ACTIONS speak louder then words....She is a liar, don't listen to what she says...WATCH what she does. This is NOT the same woman you thought you knew.

5. 180 is for YOU!!!...Not to win her back. Like YODA says "Do or not do, there is no try!":smthumbup:

6. Let her go....Start working on you. It's really all you can control.

7. There are far wiser and more experienced people on here than me....They should be along shortly. I hope for your sake!


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