# Tried Everything, Seperation?



## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

ok, back in September my husband told me he wasn't happy. He felt like I didn't care or love him. This was not true, but I do have to say I wasn't putting our marriage first. I had a full time job, getting my masters, and two little boys. I knew I had to change and I did...I spent more time with him, cleaned the house more, sex life was better, but still nothing...He still isn't happy...We went to therapy about 5 times and even went to retouvaille marriage weekend, but he still says he can't let go of his resentment for me and doesn't think he ever will...

I told him that we both have to want our marriage to work if it is going to work and he says "I know" in a way that he KNOW he doesn't really care if it works. He says it would be easier if I didn't love him or want it to work. He doesn't want to hurt me, but is done trying, yet he hasn't left or even brought up D or seperation. Friday we leave for Chicago with our friends for our 5 year anniversary and my 30th birthday...I want to get through that trip, then I think I am going to ask for a month seperation. I feel like the only thing that MAY give us clarity is space. We live together trying to make it work and it is so draining. I feel like i am seperated. I love this man, but in the end, if he doesn't love me and can't forgive me, then I can't say or do anything...He would go live with his parents in their small home with 2 annoying dogs about a half a mile away. He would HATE it, but that might be a good thing...I didn't want it to come down to this, but I think a seperation with guide lines, may be our only hope. Thoughts?


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## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

anyone?


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

Well it may be a good idea.

It will give him space and time to see if that is what he relly wants.
It will allow you to clear your head and reevaluate the situation.

Either way, be prepared for it to not work out because that is the way it is sounding to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fakehappy (Mar 15, 2013)

If he's unhappy, let him go. You're young and have plenty of time to find someone who will appreciate you and love you the way you deserve. Don't be stuck in a roommate situation. Nothing you do will change him; change is from within and only he himself can change his mindset.


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## almostsingle30 (Oct 5, 2012)

If he wants to go, I will "let" him, but I won't be the one to ask him to leave. If he wants out, he has to be the one to leave. I don't want him ever saying "you asked me leave..."


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

I do not recommend separation. It is all to often dress rehearsal for divorce. 

Instead, stop trying to force the reconnection and give him space. No relationship talks for a while. If you stop pressuring him and he stays in your home, your marriage stands a better chance. Whatever you do, don't be the one to leave.

I highly suggest you get a copy of Divorce Remedy, and start caring for yourself.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

"He still can't let go of his resentment for me and doesn't think he will"

Pretty strong line there. 

Let me ask, did you have an affair? Who is more successful financially? Who has more friends? Who wears the pants in the marriage?

Just because you took your masters and didn't focus as much on him doesn't sound like its enough for him to resent you. What is the real reason?


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## yvonne123 (Mar 19, 2013)

i think to put space between you for a short while is a good idea-you have children & living in what must be an atmosphere is not good for them,being apart is a whole new ball game & will bring out different feelings in both of you,i was in the same situation many many years ago & 3 weeks apart worked well for many years although many years down the line i find myself in a bad situation with my h but the problem now is not related to the previous one at all.are you sure that their is no one else on his horizon? as a lot of the time this is what is behind statements the same as he has made,just a thought.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Separations are usually a bad idea and just lead to divorce. You can implement some aspects of the 180 for now to see if he comes around. What did you do to him to cause this type of treatment? Without that information, it will be hard to provide any real advice.

Should you separate, who moves out? Can you afford two places? What are your guidelines? What happens with the children? 

If I were in your husband's shoes I would stay put. Too much legal risk to moving out.


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