# MY EX is hiring a questionable sitter for the summer, again



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

*My EX using questionable sitter for summer...again*

Hello everyone,
It's been a month since I've been on here because I'm in great relationship with this girl and my EX has not caused any issues...until now.

I found out that she is using her former live-in BF to watch our kids. The problem is:
1. He has an explosive temper. His EX-wife got a maximum 4 year restraining order on the guy because of his temper and the **** he pulled.
2. He has been unemployed since October.
3. He drinks.
4. He hit my Ex-wife in the face back on New Years and she took my kids (who were visiting on holiday) out of the house and to a hotel for the remaining 4 days they were there.
5. My son (7yrs old) does not like him because he is strict and mean to him.
6. She moved out last month from the house the two of them were renting. He lives on the other side of town now. I have no idea if they are still dating. Caustic relationship?

I found out the BF (or EX-BF) will be watching the kids from his EX-wife who contacted me. She told me her 9 yr old daughter told her daddy will be watching my kids at his place and my EX's place during the summer. She also sent me all the info on her EX (new address, phone number, DL#, DOB (he's old!) 

My EX lied to me, her family, and the kids' counselors last year when she promised she wouldn't have our alcoholic cousin watch our kids, and then ended up bringing him along anyways.
That was a stressful summer and I don't plan on having another.
She's selfish, lacks judgement, and is co-dependent to name a few.

If this is true, my EX lied to me again because she told me the kids were going to summer camps through the parks & rec during the summer. 

So what should I do?
I am thinking of telling her the kids are not going up to Minneapolis for the summer. She can take me to court (she doesn't really have the money which is part of the reason she's hiring the BF). They leave Wednesday by the way. 

Should I give her an opportunity to come clean or clear the possible misunderstanding? Should I ask for receipts from the summer camps? And even with receipts I wonder if she plans to cancel the camps anyways.

Any advice is helpful. Thanks guys.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

How old are your kids? Can they tell you who will be looking after them? Does the 7-year old know? Without knowing for sure, it will be tricky. Call social services in both cities and let them know your concerns. Talk to your local police, let them know and ask them to alert the police where she is going. Give them all the info you have on this man, and let them know how she lied last year. 

Does she have family where she is going? if so, let them know your concerns.


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

I wouldn't wait for her to bring it up. If she hasn't told you by now, she doesn't plan to. Confront her about it .


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Peeps678 said:


> I wouldn't wait for her to bring it up. If she hasn't told you by now, she doesn't plan to. Confront her about it .


But put the other things in place in case she lies again.


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

Frostflower said:


> But put the other things in place in case she lies again.


You need to do everything you can to protect those kids.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

*Re: My EX using questionable sitter for summer...again*

I would strongly recommend warning her not to hire her ex BF. 

Yes...ask for proof that your children are attending camps. In fact, you can call the camps to see if they are signed up.

If she insists on hiring the ex BF....I would possibly threaten 
"that CPS may get involved for an investigation on this matter." That would possibly scare her and if not it's a safety issue and something would need to be done about it. 

Just my opinion...


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

*Re: My EX using questionable sitter for summer...again*

What I was told is if you knowingly put your children in a dangerous situation, yes even with other parent, you as well might get in trouble with CPS for failing to protect your children. Canadian rules but that was advice given to me by lawyer. You can tell her what you want, she'll say what she wants to and do what she wants anyways.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

*Re: My EX using questionable sitter for summer...again*

Long story, but my EX states the EX-BF will not be watching the kids. That they are going to the camps. I've asked for receipt and all she hasis a receipt. She gave me their contact # and told them I will be included in all contacts. 
She tells her dad that our kids will not be seeing his kids (and be around him) this summer. I am now asking to get it in writing/email from her stating that.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Long story, but my EX states the EX-BF will not be watching the kids. That they are going to the camps. I've asked for receipt and all she hasis a receipt. She gave me their contact # and told them I will be included in all contacts. 
She tells her dad that our kids will not be seeing his kids (and be around him) this summer. I am now asking to get it in writing/email from her stating that.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

*Re: My EX using questionable sitter for summer...again*



Houstondad said:


> Hello everyone,
> It's been a month since I've been on here because I'm in great relationship with this girl and my EX has not caused any issues...until now.
> 
> I found out that she is using her former live-in BF to watch our kids. The problem is:
> ...


Part of me says to pay for the camp yourself and to make sure that's where they go, and to get a restraining order for your kids, based on hers. If they are old enough to call 911 if the guy comes near them. Then they can call and come home if the guy comes near them. And mommy loses parental rights, forever, for letting that happen. (My attorney says you have to give someone a long enough rope so that they can hang themselves.) And coughs up child support.

Another part of me says to see if the camp has your kids registered. If not, collect that evidence including what the guy's ex-wife sent you and the info about the restraining order, and take the money you would spend on the camp and the travel, and get yourself an attorney. Mommy loses parental rights, and has to cough up child support.

Of course, you could inform her of scenario 1.
And make sure she understands that's the way it's going to be. It really depends how mature your kids are and how resilient they are and whether they are willing to advocate for themselves. All kids are different. And it depends how street-smart you've taught them to be along the way, for their own good. 

My kids have resiliency skills. We work on them often.

Just don't expect anyone to care. You have to get an attorney, and the spending on that really stinks. But if you don't advocate legally for your kids, no amount of being right is going to remedy their situation. Even if they know you are doing something to help them out, they will look up to you and later remember that you did do everything in your power to take a stand.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

#1, talk to your attorney

#2, I like the idea of a restraining order on the BF, shouldn't be hard to get with the domestic violence history

#3, if she tells you she's taking them to camp, and has receipts, and she doesn't, then you have a much better case

I wouldn't prevent custody because a judge is going to assume she's telling the truth. Her Ex boyfriend's, ex's testimony is not going to sway a judge that you should sequester the kids. Your lawyer will probably tell you this.

But if she lies to you to give the kids to an abusive BF, especially if there's a restraining order, then you're in good shape.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Hey gang,
So here's an update since last week:
The day before our kids were set to leave to see her, she calls me.
She wanted to know again who my source was. I refused to tell her. She became upset again over the phone, brining up things from the distant past about me, trying to paint this picture of how bad I am. She went on and on about how I don't trust her and that she thought we had a fresh start back in March. That was one thing that stressed her so much: how I did not trust her.

I skipped all the BS, and again brought up that the kids should not be around the BF and his kids.
She stressed that the BF would not be watching our kids. However, she sent his ex-wife an email asking if the kids could play together. I responded that it would still leave the BF in the picture and that it was not a healthy situation for our kids. I wanted her to send me an email stating that the kids would not get together under any circumstances.

She wanted me to confirm in an email that the kids would be flying up for the summer because she did not trust that I would send them.

So later that night, I sent her an email stating that the kids were coming up.

I wake up the next morning, with 4 hours to go till I take them to the airport and she sends me a response. It didn't say anything about the kids not getting together. In fact, she stated she's done communicating. That she already told me what was going to happen, etc. I was pissed. Betrayed...again.

My ex's dad called me and I told him what happened. I told him I was calling my lawyer when I got to work. When I get to work, I find a new email waiting for me from my EX. It stated that the kids would not get together this summer after all. Cool. It looks like her dad must have called her after I told him what I was going to do.

I also contacted the summer camps to discover that the kids are set to start and they told me that there was no mention of the BF's name on the form for emergency contact, etc.
So it all sounds pretty good, right?

Then on the eve of Father's Day, she sends me an email. It states," I changed my mind. The kids will be playing together" (with the Bf's two kids).
Unreal.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Print and keep all of the emails. They are proof that of her unwillingness to adhere to a parental agreement. You will need them when you file for a custody agreement.

She could have just taken the kids to play with the other children without telling you. With that email she is rubbing your nose in the fact that she can do whatever she pleases.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

It's one thing for the kids to play together as they probably don't know any other kids up there. As long as the exBF is never left alone with them.

Meanwhile sounds like you have things well documented.


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