# It's Over Letter or Continued Silence? Also, Signs of Second Thoughts?



## Sudden404 (Feb 26, 2013)

So... after 12 yrs, WW showed no remorse or interest in reconciliation. Just hit me out of the blue one day 6mos ago, moved out within 2 weeks and pretty much ignored me, insisting on a divorce and giving lie after lie to justify her cruelty. You can read the entire story here.

So, I did the dumbest thing you can do, became an emotional basket case and just pretty much screwed the pooch by being the "I'll do anything" BS. Pushed her so far away.

I finally caved and signed the sep agreement (that SHE submitted to ME) and agreed to the divorce. She sends me an email asking for a modification to the agreement b/c now she changed her mind about the house equity. This is of course AFTER I jumped through all of the hoops to get her off the hook for the home loan to avoid foreclosure.

I refuse and she basically tells me I'm not being amicable etc. - it just disgusted me that she was not willing to lift a finger to even tell me something was wrong with our marriage then walks away and yet she wants to 'work together' for the finances. I never replied, just went black. She's sent a few followup emails and texts but I don't respond. Now she's threatening me to report me for 'not being in compliance' to the judge because I won't consent to her changing her mind.

Giving her silence has helped me to feel some dignity and self-respect again... and I don't want to take that away from myself. I also kind of feel like she's trying to make excuses to see me by halting the divorce now and wanting to come get her stuff, asking me for paperwork, go to mediation etc. It does seem a bit like buyer's remorse but so damned childish if so.

Anyway, this behavior has essentially killed any feelings I have for her. I am furious with her for being such a terrible person and treating me so poorly, and angry at myself for being willing to endure this cruelty for our marriage.

So, I wrote this letter basically saying it's over, that she disgusts me and to never consider me a 'plan B'. Saying that she's ruined any chance of reconciliation and explaining that I was trying to be a good husband that had an open mind & heart in all the efforts I made to get her to come home and talk to me about stuff.

It's a tad angry, but more of a 'you've had plenty of chances but now I am done' letter.

Wise to send or just stay silent until permanent orders hearing where we'll be forced to go to mediation anyway?


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Im a letter writer myself so I get why you want to write it but don't send it. Not at this point - not with everything going on it just gives her ammunition. Keep any correspondence issues about money or division of assets - in other words only about the divorce issues - no emotional stuff.

Do you have a lawyer or some sort of legal council? I think if you can you should have some backup.

I see where no contact has given you some dignity back. Try to keep it that way. If you need to talk divorce issues do it by email only.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Nah, don't send the email. It will be met with deaf ears anyway.
Consider it a good cleansing. Keep it for yourself to review..if you need to remember what hurt she imposed upon you.

Best thing to do is to start working on YOU, she isn't even thinking about you...so don't waste any more time on her than you have to with the divorce. 
Sadly, it will get more brutal as you go through it. The quicker you get to working on you the better.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Sudden404 said:


> So... after 12 yrs, WW showed no remorse or interest in reconciliation. Just hit me out of the blue one day 6mos ago, moved out within 2 weeks and pretty much ignored me, insisting on a divorce and giving lie after lie to justify her cruelty. You can read the entire story here.
> 
> So, I did the dumbest thing you can do, became an emotional basket case and just pretty much screwed the pooch by being the "I'll do anything" BS. Pushed her so far away.
> 
> ...


Keep things business like, calm cool and collected. As a rule of thumb, ask yourself what would the judge tell you to do if you were already in front of him/her. The answer is then clear. Don't send the letter. Go to mediation asap.


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## Sudden404 (Feb 26, 2013)

Good consensus, thank you for helping me decide against it.


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