# Thoughts



## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

https://nypost.com/2018/11/28/cheating-made-our-marriage-stronger/


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Yuck. Now I need to throw up and then take a shower.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Blegh. But power to them I guess?


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

How many folks change their beliefs to accommodate their past actions or to allow for future straying?


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

I call bull**** on the whole thing. Whether gay or straight or any of the gazillion other options. People just wanna **** whatever and will justify it any way necessary.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I can't wait until this kind of lifestyle catches on. I mean how stupid that everyone in society doesn't act the same way. They don't know what they are missing!

Newspapers should be held accountable when they publish articles by people who clearly have mental illness (that is not a shot on her being gay by the way). Especially when they sell it like they are enlightened when the truth it's just sensationalized click bate. There are so many articles written by people who very clearly have personality disorders or mental illness it's ridiculous. 

I want the follow up in 2 years when she talks about her FOO issues and why she is in therapy as well as detox for drug addiction.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

The NY Post is one step above the Enquirer and two steps below TMZ.

Articles there? Phhhbbbbbbtttttt

We might as well argue about this article...

https://www.nationalenquirer.com/mike-walker/roseanne-barr-tom-cruise-scientology/


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

They will change their tune when STDs come to town.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

They're freaky weirdos anyway so whatever. If it works for them then more power to'em. As for people that claim human beings are not designed to pair-bond I say horse sh*t. That argument is almost always put forth by cheaters. It's a way for people to lie to themselves so they don't have to come to terms that they just might be a terrible person.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Whatever works for them I guess. Wouldn't work for me that's for damn sure. I cringed when one couple called the husband's cheating a "mistake". That's always rubbed me the wrong way. Call me unenlightened. I just can't wrap my brain around how cheating helps a marriage. You can't tell me the betrayed isnt dying inside.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

That's an interesting article.

Some of it is in tune with the thinking of most of us here (do not cheat on your spouse) but some of it is not for the majority of us on TAM.

All that sharing stuff? No thanks.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Justification of immorality. I can't even stomach to open the link


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

This bs is happens in situations where one partner is considerably more attractive than the other,either visually or financially.The less attractive partner has to accept an open relationship or marriage if they want to hold on to their partner and/or lifestyle.
I have seen it happen but it usually falls down when the less appealing partner also wants to play away from home.
It’s a case of is the ****ing your getting worth the ****ing you’re taking.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

wmn1 said:


> Justification of immorality. I can't even stomach to open the link





Andy1001 said:


> This bs is happens in situations where one partner is considerably more attractive than the other,either visually or financially.The less attractive partner has to accept an open relationship or marriage if they want to hold on to their partner and/or lifestyle.
> I have seen it happen but it usually falls down when the less appealing partner also wants to play away from home.
> It’s a case of is the ****ing your getting worth the ****ing you’re taking.


So to both of these. I know that some of us users feel this way. But I am wondering if we should be quite so judgmental about lifestyle choices. People make them, and at least in the U.S. it is a free country. 

I understand that any type of open relationship or swinging bothers a lot of people, but I don't know, I have a live and let live attitude about all of that. 

Now, the way that they describe infidelity is repulsive to me, because is it not so much the sex thing for me but the betrayal aspect. And the glossing over the actual event itself, rug sweeping... 

On the other hand, I could see any big wake up call, health issues, financial issues, or even infidelity issues, IF handled properly, which is saying a lot, has the potential to make a relationship come out stronger. I think there are instances of that... however we all feel about those situations. 

But on the open relationship thing, I have done a version of that at times with casual GF's. My problem is two fold, 1) it always seemed to get messy no matter how everyone felt before it started, i.e., one or more of the women caught feelings and that caused it to end for me. And 2) I think most people want a solid, fulfilling, relationship with one person that is allowed to grow and become more, and that is where I am in my life now.

However, I am not sure we should condemn relatively sane people that have a different view of sex that most of us do...


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> I just can't wrap my brain around how cheating helps a marriage.


If ya really want to know I think, for _some_ people, it keeps the marriage intact longer than the marriage would have remained intact otherwise. It's duct tape and bubblegum.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

That was an interesting article. It doesn't really go into enough detail about the couples who dealt with secret affairs and The guy who is a serial cheater is creepy as hell. The lesbian couple is a completely different situation. They seem to have an level playing field in how they approach their open relationship. Seems to work for them. Some people want companionship but aren't wired for life long monogamy. If two people like that find each other I can see an open relationship working.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> So to both of these. I know that some of us users feel this way. But I am wondering if we should be quite so judgmental about lifestyle choices. People make them, and at least in the U.S. it is a free country.
> 
> I understand that any type of open relationship or swinging bothers a lot of people, but I don't know, I have a live and let live attitude about all of that.
> 
> ...


Self righteousness is a thing...


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

PigglyWiggly said:


> Self righteousness is a thing...


I am not smart enough to understand what you are saying with this, sorry. 

Are you saying that people that judge different lifestyles are self-righteous or do you consider my comments self righteous? Sometimes I am not that bright....


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> I am not smart enough to understand what you are saying with this, sorry.
> 
> Are you saying that people that judge different lifestyles are self-righteous or do you consider my comments self righteous? Sometimes I am not that bright....


Choice A.....


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> If ya really want to know I think, for _some_ people, it keeps the marriage intact longer than the marriage would have remained intact otherwise. It's duct tape and bubblegum.


Again another example of the fear of ending the marriage leading to a worse circumstance. There is way too much fear of things ending in this world.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

sokillme said:


> Again another example of the fear of ending the marriage leading to a worse circumstance. There is way too much fear of things ending in this world.


Yeah, but we have had actual thread talking about the fear. Men and women that are afraid to leave, afraid to lose lifestyle and money, fear of being alone, fear of a lot of stuff. 

I had it once, I was afraid that I would not get full custody of the kids their Drug addict mother may get primary custody. It was a real fear, because she could clean up when she had to in an emergency, so who knows? 

They were almost adults before I make my move. But if I had known more and could understand the risk both ways, I could have done it. 

One of the problems is that people that are in that type of crises are like the frog in hot water. You just cannot stop the chaos around you and in your head long enough to think and figure out how to get out. 

None of that excuses my cheating, which did not help at all...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I had a fleeting image of being wedged in between all 3 on that couch.

Then I shoved my crazy sex drive,(he doesn't have a brain), back in his room and told him to behave.😈


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> This bs is happens in situations where one partner is considerably more attractive than the other,either visually or financially.The less attractive partner has to accept an open relationship or marriage if they want to hold on to their partner and/or lifestyle.
> I have seen it happen but it usually falls down when the less appealing partner also wants to play away from home.
> It’s a case of is the ****ing your getting worth the ****ing you’re taking.


I agree Andy. I like the last line.

Is the F'ing you get is worth the f'ing you will get.

I understand Bluespower's point above and think he is an excellent contributor and usually agree with him but strongly disagree in part on this.

While I am not the type to poke into other's business, I hate open relationships and won't associate with anyone who is involved in these. My choice and my right. My wife agrees. I know many who tried to wrap us into it and I refused as did my wife. They wanted in her pants and I didn't get married to share. BTW, every last single one of them ended in divorce or damaged their relationships as they continued to water down their values, which obviously changed over time. 

The part of 'each to their own' is valid.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

PigglyWiggly said:


> Choice A.....


Everybody judges, whether they want to admit it or not. People affiliate and associate with people who share their values. So I guess everyone is self righteous ?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

PigglyWiggly said:


> Self righteousness is a thing...


Aren't we all?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> The NY Post is one step above the Enquirer and two steps below TMZ.
> 
> Articles there? Phhhbbbbbbtttttt
> 
> ...


The post is a great paper. better than the WAPO and the NYT. At least the Post reports accurately


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

wmn1 said:


> Everybody judges, whether they want to admit it or not. People affiliate and associate with people who share their values. So I guess everyone is self righteous ?


some more than others.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

PigglyWiggly said:


> some more than others.


I can agree that everybody judges. Some more than others, some don't judge enough. I think self righteous people think they are morally and ethically superior in many or all facets of life. Sadly, I know some people like that. Despite my strong feelings in a few areas, fortunately I am not one


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

wmn1 said:


> The post is a great paper. better than the WAPO and the NYT. At least the Post reports accurately


surely you jest


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

PigglyWiggly said:


> surely you jest


People judge papers based on whether they like the content and appeal. Conservatives don't read the NYT because it is nearly 100% anti-conservative and admittedly so. 

Liberals don't like the Post because it is a conservative paper owned by Fox News or Newscorp. I love the Post because of my conservative views and have been reading it for 40 years. They have been around since 1801. They must be doing something right. 

So no I am not joking. To me, the Post is great, WAPO is horrible. To liberals, it's the other way around


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

PigglyWiggly said:


> REDACTED


MODERATOR NOTE:-

You wouldn't. Because that would be off topic.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator warning:-*

Folks, Coping With Infidelity is *not* a forum for political discussions.

We have a forum for debating politics.

No more threadjacks, please.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Throw two cheaters that value cheating above all else into a marriage that allows them to cheat — yeah, they’ll probably love it.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> Throw two cheaters that value cheating above all else into a marriage that allows them to cheat — yeah, they’ll probably love it.


That isn't actually marriage
It's basically an insulting mockery of marriage.

And it's especially funny when.people who do it almost self righteously defend it.


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