# Would you feel the same? What would you do now?



## Beautiful-day-I-hope (Jul 17, 2015)

Hi everybody, I am sitting here beside myself with anger, hurt, frustration, shock and did I mention anger:smile2:

I could make this very very long but I won't but if anybody wants to ask anything, go for it and I shall fill you in on any history you think you need.

I am basically wanting to know how you would feel in my shoes and what you would do about things from now on.

Imagine 8 yrs ago you had been asked by your parents to move interstate to where they are, to care for them and their huge property as they age out.

Out of the 3 adult children in the family, I am the only responsible one to do this job and of course I said yes.
I have always had a very good relationship with my parents, I vowed to never hurt them or put them through hell like my older brothers did and I never have.

Well, the time had come and me and my miss 13 moved down early 2016 and hubby stayed behind to finish up work and he was following at the end of 2016.
So I packed us up and we drove the 4 days to get there, we paid for this entire move ourselves.

At the same time my older brother decided he wanted to move too, so he was also staying with our parents until he found a house, so he and his 3 boys were there too. 

My parents have put an application in to build extension on original home and they wanted to live in flat/extension while we took over larger house.

When we arrived, my mother was as cold as ice, I have never seen her act this way towards me and was very confused but we plodded on because I figured it was the stress of having a house full.

5 days after we arrived, my parents went out and left the rest of us at home, with in 2 minutes of them leaving my brother came out to hubby and I and started to verbally attack us (mainly me).

He said some of the most hideous things about me that I had ever heard anybody say and then the same about my husband, it was so bad that I remember saying to myself that no one would ever believe me if I told them and then I saw my phone sitting beside me and I luckily pressed record.

During this he said some things that apparently came from our parents, mainly mum and this is when I went to a very bad place because I put 2 & 2 together and figured something must be true because of mums cold shoulder and something not right was going on.

It became obvious that we could not stay there any longer, so we packed our trailer back up (luckily we had not had time to unpack anything more than some minor basics, so everything was pretty much still packed/sealed in boxes) and my parents arrived just as the last box went on and they flipped out.

It became very clear though that my mother had something to do with what just happened as she was not as upset as dad and she was acting strange.

My brother had passed out in bed (drunk) after he finished attacking us, dad went and woke him up to explain what had happened and this is when he somehow got passed dad and punched me in the shoulder.

We left and booked into a motel for next 2 nights while we decided what to do.
Next day I discovered that my darling mother had been back stabbing me to not only my brother but to some of her close friends and I discovered that my brother had been saying all this rot to many people in the small town they live in and people believed him and my name became mud.

They did kick my brother out that next morning and somehow convinced us to come back. Hubby had to leave to come home the same morning I took myself and miss 13 back and he was not happy about leaving us there but I stupidly convinced him that it would all be ok.

I confronted mum, her excuse was that she was scared about us moving in, she said in her mind that it meant that she must be in a bad way if we were moving in and she was in denial about her bad health and for some stupid reason, this is how she decided to handle it, by saying very untrue nasty things about her own daughter, the daughter who was always there no matter what, the daughter who had never given her any problems or heart ache, the daughter who she had a great relationship with but worse still, even after having it out with her and her agreeing that what my brother did was unforgivable etc etc, she was still siding with him behind my and dads back. My dad seemed to have my back (at that time anyway)

Things did not improve and as more time passed, I found out more things that mum had said about me and then she sided with her friend over me and that hurt bad.
She eventually said sorry and said she knew it was wrong etc etc but she was still not acting sorry or acting right, something was still not right.
So after 4 weeks of this hell, I bit the bullet and announced I was going home.
Hubby took more time off work, flew down to us and we all drove home together.
This entire venture has just cost us $7000!!! All for nothing!!!!

Since coming home, my mother has done nothing but minimize what she did and what my brother did and she is also now denying saying the stuff she said and it is now to the point where I get told to just move on.

I have put myself into therapy because I am so angry this has happened and somewhat still in shock.
I did nothing to deserve any of this on any level and even my mother agrees but I apparently have no right to be angry, hurt etc and I apparently just need to move on.

My brother found a house of his own and he is now living near our parents like as if nothing ever happened and so is mum. Dad is now as well but at first he wasn't, he was very angry with both mum and my brother but time has passed now and he just seems to have gone back to everyday life and forgotten everything.

I'm so upset because of to do this move not only cost us heaps of money but it cost me my business and cost us time and heartache, stress etc. 
It's not as if I just packed a small bag and went down for a week or 2 like other times, I packed my entire life/business up and moved my entire life and my daughters and all for what? To be shat on, that's what!! and by a person (my mum) that I never expected to be shat on by, my brother on the other hand, well clearly he has deep issues I was not aware of but I am now. I never expected this from him either but for it to happen with mum, it hurts more.

It's alright for them, nothing has changed, they are all still living their lives as they knew it, while I have had to come home to a much emptier house ( we sold many furniture items to help fund this move) no business (it's in boxes and business premises were pulled down when we left) and every time I look around my house, it's a reminder of what has just happened.

My therapist has advised I distance myself from them all of which I am trying but mum keeps calling and on the odd times I have tried to play nice and spoken with her, it ends badly. I told her that the therapist said to distance myself and she huffed and said that no therapist would ever tell a daughter to do that with their mother, I offered her the phone number to ring and confirm it herself but she of course said no.

I have begged my parents to set my brother straight, to correct him with all the horrible things he accused me of because they know the truth and they know I am not guilty of the stuff he said but they just won't. I have begged mum to do the same with her friends but she won't. These are friends that I know as well because of all the trips down there and these people were fine with me until this.

Since I have come home, my brother continues to slander me to others and I have 1 person down there who is filling me in on what is being said/happening and none of it's good.
He also texts me and abuses me (I decided to not block him in case i do take legal action and I will have more evidence of his slander and his rot)
I have told him that if he does not stop I will seek legal action to make him stop but he continues and my mum tells me to not be so stupid and just get over it and that I wouldn't do anything like that because he's my brother, well I never expected him or her to do what they did to me.

It's like I am just expected to be put through all this, have all this horrible stuff said about me etc and I am to just sit back and shut up and cop it sweet and this makes me angry too.

So, would you feel just as angry/hurt etc as I do if this was you?
What would you do from now on?

TIA for any of your thoughts :x


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I wholeheartedly agree with your course of action taken thus far, except that I would already be consulting with an attorney on the "slander" details!

Proceed ~ I wish you well! Welcome to TAM!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

I think it's time to consult a lawyer and get this done. You can't distance yourself from it and try to work through your feelings to move forward if you are constantly being reminded by hateful texts. 

At this point I think I would also stop trying to get information about what they are saying about you in your town...to what end? Just makes you feel crappy. You can't do anything about it. Your true friends there won't believe what's being said.

Would you be able to get business back up and running? Having it in boxes is a definite reminder of everything..if you were working at least you'd be distracted a bit more from it.

Hang in there..I hope it starts to improve.


Sent from my iPhone


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

city girl said:

Next day I discovered that my darling mother had been back stabbing me to not only my brother but to some of her close friends and I discovered that my brother had been saying all this rot to many people in the small town they live in and people believed him and my name became mud.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Aren't families wonderful! You cannot divorce them, but you sure can avoid them. It is their loss. Do not ever go back. Attend their funeral(s), at most. Now the grandparents do not get to see their grandchild.

WTH?

This dynamic can go both ways, where the children [for no legitimate reason] totally disrespect the parents. So painful.

Stay away from the brother. He is toxic and gullible. He believed what the mother said about you. The father? He is weak and pathetic and allows his sick minded wife to ruin the family. I have seen this behavior in friends families. Nothing new under the sun. 

Sorry


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## theworkwidow (Feb 24, 2016)

No real advice here but I have to wonder if your mother has been tested for dementia?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Their familial ties to you is not license for abuse.

Don't beg your parents to correct.

YOU correct. 

Take some time to figure out how to do it and then lower the boom on your brother in a way that lets him know you will never tolerate abuse from him. Namely, if he ever lays a hand on you again, you will press charges. Also, if he does not refrain from abuse and harassment, you will press charges. Any law you can have on your side to communicate non tolerance for that kind of behavior, use it.

Because she won't call him on it, she is now complicit in his abuse and adding to it by victim shaming. Call her on it.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

My hunch .... as far as your brother is concerned, he's after your share of the estate.

As to your mother, sometimes the first indicators of early onset dementia are shifts in personality.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Have your mother and brother always been hostile or manipulative or prone to lying?


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## Beautiful-day-I-hope (Jul 17, 2015)

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughts, it helps to know that I am not the only one who feels like I do.

Ok, to answer some questions....

Theworkwidow- I am shocked (in a good way) that Dementia has been mentioned because I do think she is showing early signs and so does dad, her doctor and her friends. She blames her medications for her memory loss and as I said, her excuse for doing what she did to me was it all got scary and real for her.
At first I empathized with her and tried to understand her side, that was until she continued her behavior, sided with my brother (even though she will say that she is disgusted in his behavior) and is now just expecting me to forget everything and move on.

Blossom Leigh- I am taking things into my own hands as well as expecting my parents to step up and correct. There are some things that he accused me off that I know 100% I can prove him wrong. 
10 yrs ago he moved house, I helped him in many ways (as per usual) and on the other end, the removalist kept his stuff hostage for 3 weeks before finally delivering it, when it arrived, his fridge and freezer were missing (brand new stainless steel set) and I found out on the night of his attack he thinks I stole them. So I have contacted my local police (he was living in my local area at time of move) and they have opened an investigation of this theft.
He also accused me of stealing items from local supermarket when I know for a fact it was him, not me and again, I have contacted them and luckily they keep their video footage for 5 yrs and this incident happened 3 yrs ago, so because I know the manager of my local store, he is now going to find the footage of the day in question (it was the day of my grandmothers funeral) and if he can find that is shows me doing nothing and him stealing, I will file complaint with police.
I can prove with receipts that I can account for every dime that my parents gave me for a teeth issue THEY wanted fixed and that I did not screw them for any money.
I can prove I was a young teenager when his first wife took off with his daughter (his 1st born) and that I had no role to play in this, especially as a young teen but he fully blames me for interfering in his life and costing him his marriage and 1st born. The only role I played was racing my SIL and niece up the road to a friends in the middle of the night when my brother was so drunk he was unstoppable and was wanting to kill my SIL, dad had to tie him up on floor just to try and stop/control him and it was mum who screamed at me to get them out of here, I was 12 at the time.

So that's just some stuff that I have already started and I am trying to work on ways to prove him wrong on other things as well.

Syhoybenden- Yes, I agree and I have told both my parents that I wish to have nothing to do with their estate and to just leave everything to my brothers because they are only going to make my life hell after my parents are gone and I don't want to have that crap in my life.
As I said, I do agree with the Dementia thing and that is what is making things harder for her when it comes to dealing with mum because I don't know if it's her true feelings etc or the Dementia. She has not been diagnosed and probably won't be for years yet as she is in total denial that there are any changes in her, so she will not seek help. After all this rot came out, I told mum that I loved her dearly but I would not tolerate being treated this way and if she wanted to continue to have a relationship with me in the future, she needed to go seek help as to her memory etc and as to why she did what she did compared to just talking to me instead about her fears like she always had, she agreed at first to seek help, now that is not an option because it's me apparently me who is making a mountain out of a mole hill and I just need to move on because she said she was sorry for her role, she said sorry on behalf on my brother and that should be that.

VermisciousKnid- Not my mum no, however over the years I have seen a very slight nasty side to her but never ever directed at me, we have always been close.
As for my brother, Ha! Where do I start!! He is what everyone would call "drug stuffed" He used heavy drugs from age approx 15 to late 30's and he got clean of drugs then turned to booze and now that is his drug of choice. So yes, he is prone to lying, manipulation, not seeing things for what they really are etc but again, it's the same with my mum, he has never directed it at me until now. I had no idea he felt the way he felt and it came as a huge shock. He played me for a fool and I'm annoyed I fell for it. Geez, it was only 2 days before his attack that I spent the entire day helping him with car stuff and all the while I was feeling unwell but I did it because I thought I was being a good sister and that we were working on becoming close siblings. During his attack, I called him out on being nice to me, accepting my help etc etc and then turning around and doing the nasty stuff to me and he admitted all the nice stuff was an act and he was just waiting to pounce when I least expected it.

It's funny because about 30 minutes after posting my OP, my mother rang and she spoke with my daughter, she wanted to speak with me and I told her I couldn't talk right now and said I had to go and pretty much hung up on her but as I was pressing button to finish call, I could hear her saying "I love you" and this hurts bad because I know she does but geez, she sure as hell is hurting the one she loves by continuing her crap.

Again, thank you so much for the input from everyone, it really is helping knowing I am not crazy for feeling like I do and that others would feel the same.


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## Beautiful-day-I-hope (Jul 17, 2015)

Sorry I forgot to reply....

Citygirl4344- Thanks for your thoughts
I have had some basic advice from my lawyer and that is why every time my brother sends me something nasty, I am using very specific words in my responses and always asking him to stop slandering me. I have also told him to contact those he has slandered me to and insisted he correct what he has said. I was told I need to give him the chance to correct things before I can take further action and that is what I have done. I was also advised to contact those who I know have listened to my brother and then they themselves have continued to slander me by talking to others and ask them to correct and stop, I am yet to do this but I will shortly.

As for my business, I think this is one of the biggest things that gets me so upset. Because I knew for the last year I was moving, I purposely did not push my business, I purposely turned business away especially in the last couple of months and I assisted all my clients to find another business and I tried to do the right things by taking care of my clients the best I could and making sure they were happy with their new person.
Right now, I just have not got the money to rebuild, thanks to this mess. We never planned on having to have the expense of coming back etc so it has hit the hip pocket hard. I will also admit, I have lost my mojo thanks to this mess and due to my business being in boxes for approx 5 weeks and stored in a hot environment, I have discovered that a lot of my stock has been ruined, so it's like another kick in the guts just to add to the already sore guts

Our poor car has paid the price of this mess too. My hubby was very careful to ensure the trailer weight and load weight were under the load capacity and everything went well on the trip down but on the way back, it didn't go well. About 3/4 of the way home, we hit a bad part of the road, it happened so quickly and we didn't even see it and we have got home to find the rear end of our car has major problems now.
The car (and us) were never meant to make this trip home ever again, so for me, it's just another thing to add to the list of me being screwed over thanks to them.

I am really struggling because I am not usually an angry person, I am always the giver, I am always the one who will help and give you the shirt off my back but not now, I can feel I have changed and I don't like it and I want the old me back but I am soooooo scared now it's not funny.
I have looked at this situation long and hard and a few other recent events within my in-law family as well and I have come to the conclusion that although I/we have done nothing wrong and the other party is at fault, it is me/us that gets the raw end and all the while the other party just goes about life like nothing ever happened and all this is leaving a very sour taste in me.

Yes, you are right, MY true friends do know the truth and I am so glad I am back home with them. What's sad is, the people who I thought were friends down there where my parents live, clearly were not true friends and again, these are people who I helped whenever I was there, these are people who I thought were nice people but I was very wrong, especially about 2 of them. You know, I'm not sure friend is even the right word because they were/are my parents friends and they are just people who I got to know well and talked to often when I was there etc but they were not people I sought out to be friends with as such but I'm not sure what else to call them.
One friend, who is my mothers so called close friend and who claims to be a lady of God, caused trouble on what seems to be on purpose but to this day, I still can not work out why.

5 weeks before actually moving, I had been down to parents to house sit while they went away on a 2 week cruise, during this time and as usual, many people popped in to say hi etc including this so called good friend. She mentioned her concerns for my mums declining mental health and asked if I too had noticed, of course I said yes and my exact words were "I'm not sure what is going on with mum, she is showing signs of early Dementia but it also could be her melanoma has spread to her brain but she's due for her PET scan soon, so we will find out if it has spread again" Also during this call, this lady said some not so nice things about mum and some very nice things about me. She said things like "Oh I'm glad it's you and not me who will be living with your mum, I couldn't do it" and "You are such a lovely daughter for doing what you are doing for your parents, not many adult children would give up their entire life and move interstate to care for their parents like you guys are going to do, it's so nice to see what you are doing"

So, fast forward to me having it out with my mum when I found out she was saying nasty untrue stuff about me and she brings up that this friend told her that I had apparently said to this lady that mum has a brain tumor and is going to die soon and that I couldn't wait for that to happen.
I nearly died right there and then, when mum said all this and even my dad said straight away, what a load of rot, that I would never speak like this about my own mother and this lady is just making trouble.

The next thing I know, mum is ringing this lady, putting her on loud speaker and telling this lady to tell me what I had said that day, so she starts yelling at me to admit what I said because she has a good memory and clearly remembers what I had aid and I refused because I did not say it and I told her and mum (again) exactly what I had said because I remembered exactly what I said and I then asked this lady to admit to the not so nice things she said that day and she then claimed old age memory issues and that she was old and how could I expect her to remember what she had said but she said she would never say anything bad about her friend (my mum)and as I think I mentioned in previous post, my mother took this ladies side and said to her "well it looks like my daughter does not want to be honest and admit what she said about me, so thanks anyway" I interrupted before they could hang up and I asked this lady why she would say this untrue stuff and cause trouble, what was she gaining and she just hung up.

After about half an hour of yelling back and forth and me trying to get through to my mother that she knows me the best and she knows I would never speak like this, let alone call her melanomas a tumor because they are not classed as tumors and I had never ever referred to them as such in all the years that she had them, she finally saw sense (so I thought) and agreed with dad and I that it did not sound like anything I would say and she knew this lady was known for gossip about other people and she was sorry. That has since changed and she now will either deny it even happened or she will say that the friend did nothing wrong or the friend was truthful, I wasn't.
I insisted that mum get this friend to say sorry to me (and her and dad) but she refuses to do this. I told mum that if the shoe was on the other foot and this had happened to her, she would expect a sorry from my friend and me and she agreed but she will not show me the same consideration sadly.

Sorry, went off on a little vent there


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

There is a mental health issue at play here (your brother/mother). To protect yourself you should keep to yourself for at least a while and establish firm boundaries. Tell your mom you don't want to communicate with her and your brother, then do it.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I've had trouble with my parents before, not this severe, but there are some similarities. They somehow think I should just drop everything and move where they are (cross country) so we can help them. First of all they were the ones who decided to move and they expect us to come out there to visit/help them whenever they want. I also have other "shirttail" relatives that support them in this. Now I look like the heartless jerk who won't help them. I have a life, career and family who does not want to go there neither to live or visit...so I'm screwed either way. The way I've handled is to only go there when I have time which is every one to two years. I have to go by myself because the wife and kids don't want to go and they get very upset when I do go. It's just not worth it to upset everyone to go there, so I don't.


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## Beautiful-day-I-hope (Jul 17, 2015)

Orange_Pekoe, I totally agree but I don't feel it is any excuse to treat me like this or speak about me like this. I see signs on both of them that they can think clearly and this is why I am so upset that they ave done this to me/us. if I could see that 100% of the time they were both not thinking right, then I probably could forgive and forget and move on.
Every time my mother has contact, things get worse. I mentioned in previous post that she actually phoned very soon after a post I wrote.
My daughter told me the next morning of stuff her grandmother said to her on the phone and OMG!! So not right!!
You do not EVER involve a child in adult issues like she was doing. She was telling my daughter that she feels that mum should just move on and get over it and she feels that we will change our minds and move back down at x-mas 2016.
Then she questioned my daughter about the health issue that my mother forced me to get fixed at her expense (I never asked nor wanted to have it done but I did because she said it was her dream before she ever died, so I agreed and I badly regret it now) and asked my daughter if things had improved and was I still having problems, my daughter told her of the problems I am still having and my mother told her she thought I was lying about the problems as she didn't see I should be having these problems so far down the track. I showed my daughter the issue so she could see first hand and I is all I said to her was that it was obvious that mummy still had problems and I was not lying.

I am about to call my mother and tell her outright that our contact ceases until further notice and until she seeks help and works out why she is behaving in the way she is, be that medical help for diagnoses of dementia or therapy help and with my brother, I plan on bringing her up to date on info I have just received this morning and letting her know that I am handling him and I am in the process of taking him down and starting legal action.
I am also having to make the hard decision if I include her so called friends in the slander/defamation case as they are part of it and are still part of it to this day, I'm torn about them because they are elderly people and it's not normally like me to think about disrupting someones life like this but they just won't stop. Is all they had to do was say sorry, stop saying very wrong things, stop spreading those wrong things to others and just keep to their own business but they didn't and haven't and I hate that I am being put in this position.

jb02157, I am so terribly sorry that you too are going through similar stuf, it sux big time doesn't it.
Now I really understand the meaning behind the saying "you can't choose your family"
I have just this morning had my therapy session and I feel awful, I never feel good afterwards because it brings it all up raw again I suppose but it has given me strength to keep going and keep fighting for what is right. She still thinks I am suffering from shock and she even mentioned PTSD (I don't think so though) but she said I'm doing ok under the circumstances. 
I told her about my posts here and she was all for it

BTW, I just realised that there might be some of you who might be wondering why my spelling of some words (mum V mom) is different, I am not from the USA, I am from Australia and we spell things differently in some cases, so that is why. I am not misspelling or being rude, it's just the way I do it here


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## Beautiful-day-I-hope (Jul 17, 2015)

Blossom Leigh said:


> Their familial ties to you is not license for abuse.
> 
> Don't beg your parents to correct.
> 
> ...


I'm lowering the boom!!!!!! And I can't wait. I just thought I would share my good news with you as you mentioned lowering the boom, just like I was planning on doing.

My brother has accused me of 2 crimes I know 100% I did not commit. He had accused me for years about one of them in paticular but then he would retract then accuse and it wasn't huge deal until all this mess happened because now he is telling others that I did it. The other accusations of crime only came up when all this rot happened but again, I know it was him who did it not me and I won't be accused of something I know I didn't do.
I promised him I would prove him wrong if I could and I would do whatever I could humanly possibly do, to get that proof and then once I have proven him wrong, I expect a huge sorry, I expect him to correct his info to all that he told and then I expect him on his knees saying sorry again and again

Well after many weeks of having these 2 issues looked into, first one was dealt with by police and 2nd was not. I have had a call from police this morning letting me know that the case is still not finished but they do have info that clears me totally, they have proof that the items by brother accuses me of stealing from his home, were indeed documented many times as being in the place where they were meant to go and they were there for the entire 3 weeks and then it is documented that these items were delivered to my brother and my brother and his wife signed verification for all their items apparently.
But the other side of this is, they also told me that it looks at this stage like it was my brother who had something to do with these items vanishing and this is why they were still going on with investigating things because it turns out the items that he claims I stole were on purchase hire, so apparently this means that if they can prove that it was my brother/his wife that stole them, then they will be charged with fraud because they claimed to the business they had the sale contract through that it was an unknown source who stole them and they paid a very small insurance premium to the business and that was that, they were let off with paying the remainder money for the items but it looks like they actually had the items all along.
I will admit, I never once even thought my brother being involved in this, let alone being the mastermind, so this is a surprise to me but whatever happens, I now know I am in the clear once and for all, I just now have to wait for the case to close officially before I can add this to my slander case.

The 2nd issue is just pure good luck on my behalf (for once) 
I thought I would ring the manager of my local supermarket to see how things were going with finding this footage and OMG!! They have found it!!!
He has asked me to pop in later today to view it and to ID my brother but he said he is certain he has the correct section of footage and it clearly shows him taking items that I recall him taking and he said he also found footage of me walking the store with my trolley and it clearly shows me not taking anything.
Something I did not remember was, he said it shows me going through checkout and paying and other footage shows my brother leaving the store through the entry doors and not ever going through a checkout to buy anything but apparently, you can see how bulky his clothes were compared the footage of him walking in..........gotchya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I did not remember that he did not go through checkout with me. I don't recall that part, I recall being in the store shopping and I recall when he started pulling on the stuff out of clothes as we were driving off from car park. So I'm happy they found this part of the footage as well.

I am so friggin happy right now it's not funny  
it's just a start though, I will clear my name on everything I possibly can.

I just said in previous post I was going to call mum and tell her my good news but I think I will wait until the 1st case is closed and until I have looked at this footage and filed a report with police, actually I think I should probably get legal advice as to when/if I should say anything or just leave it to the police to knock on his door and take him down, Hmmmmmm, I will have to think about this one


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Beautiful-day-I-hope said:


> I'm lowering the boom!!!!!! And I can't wait. I just thought I would share my good news with you as you mentioned lowering the boom, just like I was planning on doing.
> 
> My brother has accused me of 2 crimes I know 100% I did not commit. He had accused me for years about one of them in paticular but then he would retract then accuse and it wasn't huge deal until all this mess happened because now he is telling others that I did it. The other accusations of crime only came up when all this rot happened but again, I know it was him who did it not me and I won't be accused of something I know I didn't do.
> I promised him I would prove him wrong if I could and I would do whatever I could humanly possibly do, to get that proof and then once I have proven him wrong, I expect a huge sorry, I expect him to correct his info to all that he told and then I expect him on his knees saying sorry again and again
> ...


Standing on facts and truth is the way to go. I call it "beating my truth drum.". 
One word of heads up... Your brother and mother may not react to your good news the way you expect or hope. State your truth, then leave it. Have no expectation of support. Otherwise you set yourself up for a huge hurt. When people are entrenched in scapegoating you, even the truth won't cause them to change course sometimes, so be careful with your expectations. Your truth is good enough standing on its own whether they agree or not. My prediction is your brother will dodge and blameshift. Let that be a reflection of him. Don't internalize his putzery.


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## Beautiful-day-I-hope (Jul 17, 2015)

Blossom Leigh, thank you so much, you are so very right. The truth drum, I like that If you don't mind, I might use this ditto in my life, I really like this one
My expectations of my brother is pretty much what have mentioned and as for my mum, well I will admit, it's harder with her but I know I have to force myself to not expect anything and that is hard but it must be done.

Well, more good news, I went to local supermarket and looked at the footage they found and OMG!! yet again, I win!!!!
It's not as clear as I was thinking (from when he told me it was good clear footage) but it's still quite good. You can clearly see him and me doing our own things and it clearly shows him stealing items and items that I recalled him stealing and some extras I didn't recall
I was also right with the amount I said I think he stole that way, the manager estimates it was approx $100 worth of items and I said that same figure to him when I first contacted him.
It shows that I was no where near my brother at the times he stole the items, in fact at the exact same time (they are time stamped) I was picked up from another camera at the other end of the store, so it is very clear I was not involved.
What was shocking to see, how much heavier I was back then  I knew I had lost weight but I didn't realise that much   so that was a nice extra little bonus to see 
I asked what happens from here and I was told that they would file the police report themselves, I did not need to do this part but they said they assume I would be contacted by the police soon to give a statement etc. As far as I know, they were filing complaint straight after I left, so hopefully things move quickly because I want him proven guilty and my innocence proven asap.

I am feeling so much happier thanks to all this good news and things finally going my way for once and this has given me energy to keep going, to keep going onto other issues he has falsely accused me of but the other issues are personal not criminal, I felt the criminal ones where the most important because it's not right to be accused of crimes that you know you did not commit.
So yesterday (my Aussie time, not sure what time it is in USA & elsewhere) was a good day for me!!!!

I also want to say, I really do appreciate this forum and being able to talk and get others thoughts, it's more helpful than I expected and I am very grateful.


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## Beautiful-day-I-hope (Jul 17, 2015)

Hi everyone, I just thought I might update this thread.

Well things have gone from bad to sort of good (with me getting cleared from the accusations against me) to bad again and I have no clue where it will go from here.

Yesterday the phone rang, it was my parents number so I ignored it, then all our mobile phones started going off and then the hone line again and it would not stop. So I figured something might be wrong with my dad and I bit the bullet and phoned back.
What a bad decision that turned out to be!!!
There was nothing wrong as such, just my mother being persistent, she of course had me on loud speaker and dad was there also, I spoke with my dad for a very short while about nothing important before he had to go to feed the chooks, so I was left with mum, we started talking and she mentioned my brother and seeing him and the grandkids later in the day to exchange Easter eggs etc, I kindly asked her to please do not mention anything to me about him etc and this started both of us talking about things that have happened.
It was sort of not too bad until my mother said to me again that I moved down with OUT permission, I asked her if she was seriously saying this again to me because back at the start of this mess she said the same thing and then said sorry she knows she was wrong and she knows I was invited.
I reminded her that she had said this back then and retracted, said sorry etc and asked her if she was actually serious with saying it again and she said yes.
So I just hung up on her, I could not continue to talk and listen to such hurtful things.
She sent a text shortly after, saying how sad she was that I felt a need to end our phone call not nicely and that she loved me, is always on my side and will always be willing to do anything to fix things.

This all happened at around 9am and I left things until about 5pm and I rang back to speak with dad and luckily he answered the phone.
As I have had very limited contact with my dad since I came home, I had a feeling he was not in the loop about stuff and I was right.
I asked him outright if mum was telling me the truth about a few things to do with my brother where she claims to be setting him straight, making sure he knows his behavior was nasty etc etc and it turns out she was not being truthful on any level.

I also told dad what had happened on the phone after he left and he was shocked and utterly disgusted that mum could say that again when she knows it's not true and hurtful to me.
So after a day of thinking before ringing dad and after a long chat with dad, I told dad that I was done with mum, I would be having no more contact at all on any level with her from now on and that I would text her to tell her myself.
He begged me not to be this way but I explained that I had to in order to save my own sanity and life because this is having such a huge impact on me that I have even been thinking suicide thoughts and I am now so depressed that I just want to curl up and die but because my family need me and I love them and him dearly and in order to save my own life, this is what I have to do. He sort of understood but didn't.

He told me that enough was enough and he will have to work out how to fix this family, I told him it wasn't up to him, it's up to mum and my brother to start that process.
Dad tried to convince me that mum doesn't mean what she says and I told dad that unless she wants to get out of denial with how her mental state is and go get checked out and maybe diagnosed or whatever, then for now is all I have is that she is simply being nasty on purpose. I told him that if she gets medically diagnosed with something that can explain her behavior then I will be willing to play ball but not until then because she is destroying me with the cruel things she keeps saying.
I was able to get dad to see that mum is only being this way with me, she's not being nasty to my brother (in fact she is being the opposite) or anybody else that said/did very hurtful things to me in this mess, it's only directed at me but then she will say she knows I did nothing wrong to deserve any of this but then she says rot like that on the phone, so why wouldn't I be a total mess by now, why would I want to keep any contact with her? I wouldn't, no one would, so that is why I have to do what I have to do to save myself and hopefully heal up ok.
I told dad that I would call at a certain time on a certain day each week when I know he will answer and mum will not be there because I am not stopping contact with him and he was happy with that and he promised to call me when he can too.

So I text mum as soon as I got off the phone, I told her how I felt and that I was cutting contact with her and will not speak with her any longer.
I have heard nothing further from either of them.

So that was my Easter Monday, a total mess


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