# What does it mean if husband gives me the green light to cheat?



## supermother (Jul 30, 2013)

Greetings,

I'm a very personal person and can't really talk to any of my girlfriends about this. I'm hoping to get some useful advice if anyone here has experience with this.

I'm 34 and I have 7 children. Yes, that's really 7. Don't judge me but that's what it is. I had my first child at 16 and I was really into the streets. All of my children are out of wedlock and it was pretty rough raising them on my own and trying to work.

At 29, I became saved. I joined a church not far from my home and the members were really nice. Prior to this, I worked as an exotic dancer as well as an escort. Once I found my church home, I was eventually able to move away from this lifestyle. 

I started dating one of the deacons at the church. He is much older than me (30 + years older) and that bothered me at first. He treated me like a queen and took care of me and all of my kids. He helped me get back in school and also watched my kids. We don't have any children together. He got me a job working as a secretary and that's where I am currently. He also proposed and we got hitched last year.

So why am I here? Well bluntly, our sex life sucks. He is a very loving man and we are compatible. It's just the sex is very monotone and he doesn't satisfy me. I've been involved with another man at my job for 4 months. Our relationship is strictly sexual. We used each other for sex and sex only.

My husband found out about this because I left my phone out. He found photos and videos of me and the other man. He came to me crying and we just poured out our hearts to each other. I told him that I love him but he doesn't satisfy me sexually. That was very hurtful to do but I wanted to tell him the truth.

I had already planned to disconnect with the other man because of this. I wanted to try to get my life back on track and focus on my husband and kids. My husband stunned me last night and told me that he is fine with me sleeping with other men as long as I use protection and I tell him up front. He says that he knows that he could never give me what I want sexually but he doesn't want to lose me over this.

Now I don't know what to do. He thinks this would make me happy but I was expecting him to suggest using toys in the bedroom or at least he could try to take something to be harder. I feel like he is giving up on this. I've thought about the consequences and I know that if I do continue to sleep with other men, I would have a connection with them that I could never have with my husband. He doesn't see it now but if there is another man that is breaking me off really well, I would have no reason to sleep with my husband at all.

There's just too many scenarios and I'm confused. I really love this man and I want to stay with him. If I tell him that I only want to sleep with him, he will know that deep down I am unhappy. He says that all he wants is me and my happiness. What should I do?


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Your case is strange.

Why did you marry a man who is 30+ years elder to you? You knew this would be sexually not satisfying, is itn't? And you had 7 children before marrying him.

Do you really love your husband? If you love him, you will not cause him what you did.


----------



## supermother (Jul 30, 2013)

Yes I really love him. I was not thinking about sex before we got married. He never rushed me and said that we could go on my pace. When we first started to have sex, he was very gentle and shy. I thought that he would open up eventually but he didn't.


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

* He says that all he wants is me and my happiness. *

This is what you are saying.

First, respect marriage vows.
Second, think about a husband who wants to see you happy despite your cheating.

Think.


----------



## supermother (Jul 30, 2013)

I understand my marriage vows and I am committed to him. This is a man who would do anything for me. I know he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. It's just that this arrangement would probably do more harm than good. I mean, some people can successfully handle an open marriage but I have never done anything like this before.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I'm really not trying to be harsh or sarcastic, but I don't understand why you claim you have never done anything like this before.

You were just caught cheating on him.

He has decided (and if he can live with it, I certainly would never judge it as wrong) that he can sympathize with how you feel and as long as you are honest with him, he will be understanding with you.

If I can ask, are you somewhat scared about this entire situation because it reminds you of your time as an exotic dancer and escort, and this is a part of your life you thought was in your past?

I have to say though, if your H is truly OK with this as long as you are honest, then it is not anyone else's place to judge. 

In my point of view, it is the lying and betrayal that make infidelity unforgivable. If you decide to follow this path to see if it works for you two, all I would say is MAKE SURE you respect his conditions and keep everything honest and open.


----------



## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

What does it mean? It means your husband knows that those 7 children need someone in their young lives to protect them from those that puts them in harms way....YOU!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## supermother (Jul 30, 2013)

I'm sorry but when I said I never did this before, I was talking about having an open relationship where I tell my husband who I am sleeping with.

What scares me about this arrangement is that I fear that it may draw us apart. I feel that he may get jealous and it may push me away. I may be wrong with this and there may be a way that we could possibly get along with this arrangement.


----------



## supermother (Jul 30, 2013)

Toby, how am I putting my kids in harms way. I may have struggled before but I've always put my children first. That also doesn't have anything to do with my sex life with my husband.


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Maybe try to work on *your*sex life more before going down this path.

Lots of couples have 'open' relationships that work, just as lots don't.

In my opinion, it will just be a matter of time before you meet someone younger and enter into an a emotional as well as physical relationship.

It's not as though you aren't getting *any* sex, just that it isn't up to your high standards.

Perhaps you aren't cut out for marriage - there are some 34 year olds out there that probably wouldn't satisfy you too.

You are making yourself out to be some sort of victim, when in fact you have used this poor man.


----------



## A++ (May 21, 2012)

The sex between you and the other man/men was about secrecy and betrayal of trust of your husband and marriage, not about the actual sex...


----------



## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

supermother said:


> Toby, how am I putting my kids in harms way. I may have struggled before but I've always put my children first. That also doesn't have anything to do with my sex life with my husband.


 I'm talking emotional and mental harm! Who's watching them while your video taping all your sexual romps?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Say to him, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Be faithful to him and yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Say to him, "Thanks, but no thanks."
> 
> Be faithful to him and yourself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


7 kids, a stripper, an escort. A man sweeps in and rescues you and all of your horrible decisions and what do you do. You sleep with another man. I have no real advice for you, If I could talk to him I would ask him why he married someone like you and why he would put himself through this. If you want to help him then I suggest you learn to be a person with morals. Your present and past show you have never really lived with any moral guidelines. I am sure you have struggled in your life a great deal and for that I am sorry for you. This is no excuse to use a man to take care of you financially so you can cake eat and do as you please and destroy him emotionally in the process.


----------



## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)




----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Perhaps, Numbersixx; it does not look like a troll to me - just somebody with a problem that came here for help. If they are a troll, then ignore the post and report it. 

Even if the OP is, then the thread might help somebody in a similar situation - it seems like a reasonably likely scenario and I have certainly met people in similar situations. After all it's hardly at the level of clown orgies on a ferris wheel type trolls is it?


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

In response to the thread's title, it sounds to me that your H is willing to try an open marriage to keep you happy. But as someone else said in this thread, this could be boring for you because maybe you enjoyed the deceit and secrecy that came with having an affair partner. Now it's going to be boring because to keep your husband happy as per his terms you have to announce your intent to have sex on Wednesday evening after work......."Honey, could you set the table and warm the leftovers that evening for the kids?"

You may also be worried that your Affair Partner will not be able to get it up as hard when the sex becomes scheduled and routine as well. oh and yes, when he has to wear a condom as per the terms your husband is dictating.

Your case is unusual. Not many women have 7 or more kids these days. And I am assuming that your kids were, all or most, delivered vaginally. And yet after a full day of work and caring for 7 kids, you still have enough energy for sex that you need more than one man in your life. 

at the very least, think about what you are teaching your 7 sons and/or daughters. That is, no matter how deep the hole you dig, someone or ones will come and rescue you. In your circumstances, you have done well, but just remember that there are many teenage single moms that have not. Do your kids have the looks, charm and street smarts to be able to fall in the same category as you have?


----------



## mtpromises (May 27, 2013)

You should seek counseling. Seems like there are some deep rooted issues. 

You probably see your husband as a door mat and will continue to use him until you're ready to move on. You claim you've turned your life around, but you're video taping you and another man having sex while your seven children are God knows where. 

Your children deserve stability. So what if you've find a man who can 'break you off.' Can this other man provide any type of substance to you as a potential father figure to your children? Probably not. He's just there for a good time and you know it.

Why complain now that your husband is ok with an open marriage? Is it the sneakiness that gets you off? Your husband is a deacon and you're an ex-stripper. Your husband provides you with the cover of righteous lifestyle in the day time, but when the sun goes down your escort service is back in business.

Also by having an affair with a co-worker you're putting your job on the line. If you get fired won't your children go without? Seems to me you're taking too many risks here. If you won't think about your husband (who I believe is way too old for you) then at the very least consider your seven children and their futures.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Don't do it. Don't cheat on your husband. It's not a hard thing to do. Your husband has taken you in from a very bad situation and helped better your life. The least you can do is have the decency to respect your husband. Go to counseling for yourself and both of you to a sex therapist. Take your vows seriously. Marriage counseling wouldn't hurt either. 

Who cares what's in the past. What's done is done. The best thing you can do is live in the present and future and continue to better yourself. Set a good example for your children. Don't let them grow up thinking cheating on your spouse is okay. 

Do the right thing and stop being so selfish.(I'm not saying that to be mean either, its a fact). This man give his life to you, give your life back to him. If the sex is "boring" buy yourself some toys and porn. Suggest it yourself to your husband. Don't expect him to read your mind. He can open up if you teach him. He needs a little self confidence. A lot of self confidence now after what he discovered. You know this is going to eat him up inside.


----------



## fshyfrg (Jul 30, 2013)

I strongly believe that what you are going through is a normal human reaction. A disappointing sex life is very difficult to live with, and I understand that it leads you to want to pursue a sexual relationship external to the marriage. My partner and I have crushes and wish for more thrilling sex, even though in our marriage we have sex far more frequently than most troubled couples. We have talked about this and tried to affirm that we would still love each other even if one of us cheated - very much like you and your husband. We are human. We are not perfect.

That said, there could be serious consequences to your behavior. Having sex with multiple partners is risky for your health, and it can also hurt the feelings of everyone involved, both directly and indirectly. As you said yourself, by seeking other outlets for your sexual expression, you are forging a connection that you do not have with your husband, and this could hurt your relationship. Many children who grow up in homes where the parents are unable to maintain a healthy relationship end up struggling with love and family later in their lives. If this situation is making you uncomfortable, I think you should stop until you are sure, as you could cause irreparable damage.

Your husband's response is concerning. Maybe he is intimidated by his age and does not want to risk disappointing you, but there's no need for him to say he could *never* satisfy you sexually. I think you should talk to him about this. If you want him to be more possessive, perhaps you should say so. For better sex, you could have a conversation about more sexual creativity, or perhaps take the initiative yourself and get some toys. Sex is a learned behavior, so there's a good chance your husband can learn to please you. Going out on hikes or playing games together could also get you both in better shape, which improves sex as well. Do something romantic together.

I think that it's good you reached out about this. You should keep taking the time to carefully think about how you feel. In the end, the only person you have to live with is yourself.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Supermother,

Again, not trying to be harsh here, but yes you were in this situation just recently...only it was secret from your H and a total betrayal of everything in your M because you were lying to and deceiving him.

All that your H's solution would change is that at least everything would be open and honest between you. If he really is OK with it, then at least you could avoid the destructiveness of dishonesty and stabbing him in the back.

Because, to face the truth, you have already cheated once and I don't get the feeling from your posts that you are going to give up a good sex life, which means you will cheat again.

If you and H truly love each other, and you really want to salvage your M to him, then the only realistic option is to see if your H's compromise works.

Unless you are going to do a complete 180 and dedicate yourself to what you describe as a sexually un-fulfilling M and give up your cheating.

And unless you get into some serious counseling for yourself, this is probably not going to work for you.

I'm sure that your work in the sex industry has probably deadened you to the mundane sex life your H is used to, even leaving out the fact that he is so much older.

He has probably never experienced sex in the ways you have. 

This is not a criticism of you, but I'm just pointing out (and I've experienced this myself in life) that once you have gotten used to a 'wilder' sexual lifestyle, less experienced people can seem or feel a little boring in the sex department.

I think you need to sit down with your H and really discuss this entire situation.

Your right on one thing completely. If he is actually jealous and hurt by this solution, but thinks this is the only way to keep you, then this compromise will never work. It would be better for you to divorce in that case.


----------



## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

You cant make a gardening tool into a housewife even if they claim to be saved.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Stop cheating. Who cares that he can't give you what you want sexually. That does not grant an excuse to cheat. He's given you more than any other person on earth. Have some respect.


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

supermother said:


> Greetings,
> 
> I'm a very personal person and can't really talk to any of my girlfriends about this. I'm hoping to get some useful advice if anyone here has experience with this.
> 
> ...


Is this for real? :scratchhead:


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Educate him to satisfy you sexualy or get over it with the help of a BOB.
You are - obviously - not saved.


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

supermother said:


> I understand my marriage vows and I am committed to him. This is a man who would do anything for me. I know he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. It's just that this arrangement would probably do more harm than good. I mean, some people can successfully handle an open marriage *but I have never done anything like this before.*


HAHAHA,

Oh you mean where your SO ACTUALLY KNOWS your screwing someone else....got it. Missed that differentiation for a second.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You have proven that you are going to do what you will whether he likes it or not. If he gets a divorce, Biblically speaking, he can't be a deacon. He's been supporting you and 7 kids. If he were to divorce you, your state may require him to continue (his kids, or not). Not many men can financially run one household for themselves and one for eight. He's at least 64? Sex may mean very little to him in general. His reputation and position in the church may mean more. I can imagine I'd put up with insults from a wife at age 64 that I wouldn't tolerate at age 30. At 30, I'd be looking at suffering for 50+ years. At 64, probably less than half that time.


----------



## supermother (Jul 30, 2013)

nogutsnoglory said:


> 7 kids, a stripper, an escort. A man sweeps in and rescues you and all of your horrible decisions and what do you do. You sleep with another man. I have no real advice for you, If I could talk to him I would ask him why he married someone like you and why he would put himself through this. If you want to help him then I suggest you learn to be a person with morals. Your present and past show you have never really lived with any moral guidelines. I am sure you have struggled in your life a great deal and for that I am sorry for you. This is no excuse to use a man to take care of you financially so you can cake eat and do as you please and destroy him emotionally in the process.


Well I admit that I've made mistakes but I rally have turned my life around. I tried to make it work and other than the sex issue, he is wonderful. Its just a lot of pressure with having to fight my needs and make changes. I would be happy if he ditches the idea and tries to make our sex life better. I feel he is taking the easy way out on this.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

supermother said:


> Its just a lot of pressure with having to fight my needs and make changes. I would be happy if he ditches the idea and tries to make our sex life better. I feel he is taking the easy way out on this.


You have already taken the easy way out, so stop judging him and making him responsible for your actions! It seems that you think it would be so easy for him to just up his sexual game. I would bet it is no easier for him (especially at his age) to make that change than it would be for you to turn your sex drive down/off a bit to match his (don't think that is something that you could try to do if you really love and cherish him and your marriage like you say, I would say it it impossible but maybe you could see a dr or sex therapists for ideas to curb your desires (such as maybe you could introduce toys, hands, etc and not just make it about intercourse).


----------



## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Why did you marry your husband?

Do you remember your vows or were they simply words?

Love, Honor and Cherish in sickness and in Health. To forsake all others.

Just words, Right. they mean nothing.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Christ (ahem) I just don't know what to say !


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

What is likely, in my opinion, is your husband was initially shocked at your indiscretions, has had time to think about that coupled with the responsibility of seven kids, and is hoping you'll meet a more satisfying candidate and move on. I"m not saying this to be mean. It's my take on it. A guy in his sixties has usually come to accept his limitations and knows when to quit chasing his tail.


----------



## Aerith (May 17, 2013)

supermother said:


> He thinks this would make me happy but I was expecting him to suggest using toys in the bedroom or at least he could try to take something to be harder. I feel like he is giving up on this. I've thought about the consequences and I know that if I do continue to sleep with other men, I would have a connection with them that I could never have with my husband. He doesn't see it now but if there is another man that is breaking me off really well, I would have no reason to sleep with my husband at all.
> 
> There's just too many scenarios and I'm confused. I really love this man and I want to stay with him. If I tell him that I only want to sleep with him, he will know that deep down I am unhappy. He says that all he wants is me and my happiness. What should I do?


SM,
I believe that you are much more experienced in sex than your husband - so, you can make all suggestions (using the toys etc.)
Obviously, you cannot expect that 64-65 y.o. man would suddenly become a sex machine..


----------



## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Hey Super going to ask some hard questions. 

1. What have you done to work on the sex life? They have tapes I can suggest. You can do fantasy journal. Have you talked to him his past to see how he was in his past sexual encounters? Have you offered to read books with him to introduce him to new ideas?

2. Cheating is horribly wrong you have betrayed your vows, his trust, his love and your family he may not seem hurt but you should be focused on making amends and be somewhat remorseful.

3. Do you medicate with sex? Feel angry have sex. Feel depressed have sex. Feel stressed have sex.

4. Your husband probably has some significant self esteem issues dealing with your sexual past. There are ways to get past this that work but you will have to PM me I am unwilling to be that graphic here.

5. NO Contact with the guy.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

supermother said:


> What scares me about this arrangement is that I fear that it may draw us apart. I feel that he may get jealous and it may push me away. I may be wrong with this and there may be a way that we could possibly get along with this arrangement.


Like your affair, plus the boring sex, didn't do any of this already?



> So why am I here? Well bluntly, our sex life sucks. He is a very loving man and we are compatible. It's just the sex is very monotone and he doesn't satisfy me. I've been involved with another man at my job for 4 months. Our relationship is strictly sexual. We used each other for sex and sex only.


Oh and I'm going to leave because the excuses you are making are ridiculous. I could sympathize, sort of, if there was little to no sex. You cheated because it was BORING sex. Naw, IMO, he was too old and as someone put it you got bored with your "sugar daddy," Sorry, anything else, age, kids, church or whatever is an excuse.

4 months, with the same guy, videos, texts, photos and to the detriment of your marriage? I don't believe, for one second, it is "just for sex."


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

supermother said:


> I feel that he may get jealous and it may push me away.


Ya think? :lol:

Just face the facts that you married a Rescuer and, now that you've been properly rescued and can act all respectable with a respectable job, it's time to move on and you started wandering. Basically, you went back to your real essence.

Don't do that to him. Just let him go.


----------



## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

This thread is disturbing on so many levels.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

This is another example supporting why people should engage in pre marital sex.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

OP,

This is a perfect example of a BS, sacrificing all self respect to save a marriage. He's doing the exact opposite of what he would have been advised to do if he came to this board. A sad, pathetic, case. Both of you.

If you had a lack of respect for him before you were caught cheating, I can only imagine what it is now.

Ask him to post here. We'll do our best to set his thinking straight.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> This is another example supporting why people should engage in pre marital sex.


Actually, both sides could argue their point effectively using this thread.


----------



## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You clearly have a history of self-destructive and irresponsible behavior throughout your life. Everything you say seems to be all about you and your needs only. Maybe you are not a good lover to your husband. Have you ever thought about that?

You have recently been married and you have already cheated on your husband for 4 months behind his back and probably put him in danger of getting STD's. This is simply another example of your self-destructive behavior. You will use and be used by other men until eventually you drive your husband away. What do you think the chances are of another man marrying a woman with your background and who has seven children? My guess is not too good.

You say you turned your life around and found religion and God and yet your behavior is just the opposite of this. I know that nothing I say will make a difference. It is interesting that it seems you expect your husband to do all the work. Where is your work? Maybe you should have had this discussion with him before you went behind his back to humiliate and disrespect him for 4 months with another man. You did not even have the decency to be honest with him since he had to find out on his own. What kind of a role model are you for your children? Your self-destruction will have a great negative impact on your children and husband but again I guess it is just all about you isn't it.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bryanp said:


> You clearly have a history of self-destructive and irresponsible behavior throughout your life. Everything you say seems to be all about you and your needs only. Maybe you are not a good lover to your husband. Have you ever thought about that?
> 
> You have recently been married and you have already cheated on your husband for 4 months behind his back and probably put him in danger of getting STD's. This is simply another example of your self-destructive behavior. You will use and be used by other men until eventually you drive your husband away. What do you think the chances are of another man marrying a woman with your background and who has seven children? My guess is not too good.
> 
> You say you turned your life around and found religion and God and yet your behavior is just the opposite of this. I know that nothing I say will make a difference. It is interesting that it seems you expect your husband to do all the work. Where is your work? Maybe you should have had this discussion with him before you went behind his back to humiliate and disrespect him for 4 months with another man. You did not even have the decency to be honest with him since he had to find out on his own. What kind of a role model are you for your children? Your self-destruction will have a great negative impact on your children and husband but again I guess it is just all about you isn't it.


She's already got seven kids. She needs to kill that exotic dancer, cheating side of herself and be responsible to what she already has.


----------



## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

supermother said:


> Well I admit that I've made mistakes but I rally have turned my life around. I tried to make it work and other than the sex issue, he is wonderful. Its just a lot of pressure with having to fight my needs and make changes. I would be happy if he ditches the idea and tries to make our sex life better. *I feel he is taking the easy way out *on this.


He can't take the easy way out without you agreeing to it.

Kind of ironic, you didn't mind having sex behind his back WITHOUT him knowing but you don't want to do it WITH him knowing.

All that stuff about "I was just about to end it with the other man" always sounds like a lie. Look at the other threads and see how many cheaters said they were just about to end it when they got caught.

Yes, he is desperate to keep you at all costs - even if it means letting you sleep with other men. When one partner is so much more invested than the other to the point of allowing themselves to be walked all over just to stay in the relationship, it never bodes well for the future of the relationship.

There probably were ways to work with him, to suggest ways for him to improve in the bedroom, to do things that you would enjoy. Now it will be much more difficult. He wasn't very confident to begin with, now he's feeling completely emasculated.


----------



## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Ruby.....don't take your love to town.....


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I've dated three women 30 years younger than me in the last two years who must be accomplished liars. They insist that I'm exactly what they needed sexually and are unhappy that I have no long term relationship plans.
Perhaps it's the OP who has the problem?


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

treyvion said:


> She's already got seven kids. She needs to kill that exotic dancer, cheating side of herself and be responsible to what she already has.


She can't. Its already a part of who she is. She may have turned her life around in the sense that she is no longer an escort or exotic dancer but her experiences are already ingrained and can't be removed. The fact is that she is accustomed to varied and high intensity sex, something her husband is in no position to provide. And whoever said that it was likely that no man would be able to satisfy all of her needs was correct. She needs intense and long term counseling in order to come to terms with who she was and who she will likely always be. I feel like at this point she is going to have to learn to live with her foibles and try to live the best life she can. But this relationship isn't going to make it and frankly I doubt she is capable of keeping a long term successful relationship going.


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

bfree said:


> She can't. Its already a part of who she is. She may have turned her life around in the sense that she is no longer an escort or exotic dancer but her experiences are already ingrained and can't be removed. The fact is that she is accustomed to varied and high intensity sex, something her husband is in no position to provide. And whoever said that it was likely that no man would be able to satisfy all of her needs was correct. She needs intense and long term counseling in order to come to terms with who she was and who she will likely always be. I feel like at this point she is going to have to learn to live with her foibles and try to live the best life she can. But this relationship isn't going to make it and frankly I doubt she is capable of keeping a long term successful relationship going.


:iagree: Some damage is too much to ever fully get beyond...


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

supermother said:


> Greetings,
> 
> I'm a very personal person and can't really talk to any of my girlfriends about this. I'm hoping to get some useful advice if anyone here has experience with this.
> 
> ...



34 y.o. Just married and already cheating. A busy life as mother to 7 kids with 7 different men. Exotic dancer. Escort.

When 16 y.o., already a street kid.


You do write well. I'm thinking your limited education would show up in your writing. But it doesn't.

Have you thought of switching from being a secretary? Maybe being a writer?


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

aug said:


> You do write well. I'm thinking your limited education would show up in your writing. But it doesn't.


Nice catch!


----------



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

hookares said:


> I've dated three women 30 years younger than me in the last two years who must be accomplished liars. They insist that I'm exactly what they needed sexually and are unhappy that I have no long term relationship plans.
> Perhaps it's the OP who has the problem?


Good point...At 66 I am good for 2-3 times a day, and that's not quickies...Hell, I'm 32 years older than her....

I don't think I have slowed down since my 30's.....Perhaps he just needs a bit more encouragement...some sex videos for married couples.....etc....

I am wondering how much sex she wants....4-5 times a week? Should not be an issue if he is in good health.......I'm hearing women at that age with 1 kid and no job saying they are too tired...

the woodchuck


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I've known some very intelligent people whose personal lives were utter disasters.

At one time, there was a family friend who had a PhD in Philosophy who ended up living homeless on park benches for several years because he struggled with alcoholism.

OP very well could have been one of those students who had great grades and did very well in school until their lives went to s**t. I'm in education, so I've actually seen this happen several times over the course of my career.


----------



## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Just because he said you could, doesn't mean that you have to seek other men. He is only doing this because he thinks if he doesn't concede that he will die on his sword and loose you completely. But lets be honest here, you knew this would happen, you married a 60 year old man. You knew there was no way he could keep up with a very sexually stimulated individual such as yourself. He was very good man, treated you like a princess and helped you with the children. I understand why you did, having 7 children to look after, let alone put food on the table, cloth, medicine, etc....is just an overwhelming task. He is going to keep getting older and the gap is going to continue to widen. 

I know that you care for him, admire him, respect him and to an extent love him. However, don't know that this is the kind of love that makes a marriage. This is make or break time, so if you are the person that you said that you are, you have a decision to make. You need to either quickly end the marriage or commit to the "til death do we part" clause, even if the sex is not so good.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

aug said:


> 34 y.o. Just married and already cheating. A busy life as mother to 7 kids with 7 different men. Exotic dancer. Escort.
> 
> When 16 y.o., already a street kid.
> 
> ...


Yeah, because no secretary has good English, right?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

supermother, I know you're taking a beating, and if you're still reading, props to you. So I'm going to follow up with some actual constructive advice. Do you know what will make you happiest at this point? Finding a really good therapist, one who can help you travel through your whole past, to see where all the destructive behavior came from, why it keeps popping up when you become safe, how you can change to become happy just with what you have. I really hope you will consider it.


----------



## supermother (Jul 30, 2013)

turnera said:


> supermother, I know you're taking a beating, and if you're still reading, props to you. So I'm going to follow up with some actual constructive advice. Do you know what will make you happiest at this point? Finding a really good therapist, one who can help you travel through your whole past, to see where all the destructive behavior came from, why it keeps popping up when you become safe, how you can change to become happy just with what you have. I really hope you will consider it.


It doesn't bother me as I've taken worse abuse before 

We are thinking about maybe seeing a sex therapist. I've suggested that we try some toys or maybe he can take some medicine. He is totally against the idea. He says that I've made him feel inadequate.


----------



## supermother (Jul 30, 2013)

Aerith said:


> SM,
> I believe that you are much more experienced in sex than your husband - so, you can make all suggestions (using the toys etc.)
> Obviously, you cannot expect that 64-65 y.o. man would suddenly become a sex machine..


Well he is also experienced as well. He is the type that talks a lot of stuff (sexually) but when it comes time to get down to business, he doesn't deliver.



CEL said:


> Hey Super going to ask some hard questions.
> 
> 1. What have you done to work on the sex life? They have tapes I can suggest. You can do fantasy journal. Have you talked to him his past to see how he was in his past sexual encounters? Have you offered to read books with him to introduce him to new ideas?
> 
> ...


Well I've suggested watching porn together or maybe trying to have sex in risky places. He is totally against the idea of that.

I know cheating is wrong and I should have resisted. It was just convenient at the time and I really missed the feeling of having good sex. I believe that if I'm getting everything at home, there is no need for me to step out. If you have movies to suggest then go ahead and send me a pm.



Will_Kane said:


> He can't take the easy way out without you agreeing to it.
> 
> Kind of ironic, you didn't mind having sex behind his back WITHOUT him knowing but you don't want to do it WITH him knowing.
> 
> ...


And I didn't realize that he was emasculated until it was too late. How could I give him more confidence? How could I make him think he has a chance to actually satisfy me? We are both equally invested in this relationship. I don't want to be selfish and demanding with sex but I also feel that no marriage could survive without a healthy sex life.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

supermother said:


> I don't want to be selfish and demanding with sex but I also feel that no marriage could survive without a healthy sex life.


I sort of agree with this statement (and I am in a relatively sexless marriage) but I will note that we have people who post on TAM that have not had sex for at least a decade (not their choice) and have remained faithful in marriage.


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

SuperMother,

You are saying that you are afraid that an open marriage would push your husband away. 

You are saying you would do anything to save your kids.
Why dont you do something to save your husband of this humiliation, after all he SAVED you and your kids?

Instead of being SELFISH, try to understand what your marriage vows are. Is cheating your payback to your husband ( a saviour!)?

What role are you setting up for your kids as mother, cheater?

Curiously, I dont know how you are already able to cheat, with 7 kids around? Does not it prick you least?

Where are your morals?


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

supermother said:


> I understand my marriage vows *and I am committed to him*. This is a man who would do anything for me. I know he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. It's just that this arrangement would probably do more harm than good. I mean, some people can successfully handle an open marriage but I have never done anything like this before.


 HAHA!!! Seriously made me laugh.

Having a hard time believing that this is real. But, on the off chance that it is. Well, of course he agree to anything you want, because he's scared! He's scared that you'll leave him and he'll be alone. 

But, you know what? He won't stay scared forever. He may end up leaving you! I mean, you told him he sucks in the sack and that he can't satisfy you. So, what's the point of even trying? Out of all the reasons in the world to justify your cheating to him, you made the choice to tell him the most hurtful thing a man can ever hear.

So, you think your sex life with him sucked BEFORE? It probably just got 10x worse. If he does get intimate with you. He probably won't even try to hard to satisfy you. Why? He knows that he can't; so, he'll probably make it all about himself. Hit it and quit it; then turn on the evening news!

I got to tell you...your husband is wound up pretty tight right now. Sooner or later he's going to explode and you won't know the man you married. Like, you just poked a big stick and a sleeping dragon and it's gonna get ugly....


----------



## supermother (Jul 30, 2013)

Well if I wan't committed to this relationship, I would not be trying to save it. I know I was wrong for cheating and I know he's hurt. Should I be focusing on fixing our sex life or should the foxus be getting his confidence back? He cried in my arms when he confronted me about cheating. I've never seen him like that before. It makes me feel really bad when I think about it.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

supermother said:


> Well if I wan't committed to this relationship, I would not be trying to save it. I know I was wrong for cheating and I know he's hurt. Should I be focusing on fixing our sex life or should the foxus be getting his confidence back? He cried in my arms when he confronted me about cheating. I've never seen him like that before. It makes me feel really bad when I think about it.


Yeah, you pretty much did the worst thing you could do to the man who committed himself to you. That's not a judgement on my part of you ... it is just the truth.

First, nothing is going to get fixed unless you have proven to him that you are truly committed to your marriage and are no longer cheating. If you are still cheating then you are not trying to save your marriage.

Second, fixing your sex life with your husband will help restore his confidence in his ability to please you.


----------



## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

LostViking said:


> This thread is disturbing on so many levels.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

And it just keeps getting more and more disturbing.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

supermother said:


> Well if I wan't committed to this relationship, I would not be trying to save it. I know I was wrong for cheating and I know he's hurt. Should I be focusing on fixing our sex life or should the foxus be getting his confidence back? He cried in my arms when he confronted me about cheating. I've never seen him like that before. It makes me feel really bad when I think about it.


You need to re-read what you just posted. This gaslighting is making no sense. You are only trying to save the marriage because you got caught and are afraid all is lost. You were not trying to save it for the last 4 months when you stepped out on your husband and family. 

You should be focused on him solely. From what you are posting and the way I am reading it (and I could be wrong here), there might be nothing wrong with your sex life, just that YOU are not fulfilled in it. Everyone has different needs/ wants/ expectations. Has he complained about the sex or thought it was that bad and unfulfilling? Think about him and focus on what he thought of the situation. Ask him if you are unsure. 

I have read several posters on here that have stated they were his age and had no problems performing, etc. The thing is that he might be the same as them and it has nothing to do with the frequency or abilities, but he may just not be giving you the excitement, risqué, dirty sex that you want and crave. Even if he was up for it 4-5 times a day, if it were just run of the mill, vanilla sex it probably isn't satisfying your needs/ wants/ desires. Think that you were an escort and exotic dancer (and unless you were working in an area where it is legal, there was a thrill and excitement to breaking the law each time you had sex with your "customers". This is the same excitement that you got from having sex with a co-worker (as that will get you fired in most companies). It seems you need the thrill and not just the sex.

You should seek counseling as there is some issues that you need to seriously work through (or maybe you are just narcissistic and there is no changing that). If you actually have to sit down and think about what you did to him and how bad it made him feel and made him cry, to make you realize that you feel bad for hurting him, then you are probably able to compartmentalize and block out all things that make you feel empathy, sympathy, and emotions for others and just focus on yourself and your gratifications. You need to address this with a professional or nothing will change and get better.


----------



## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Please leave your husband. He is a SICK man.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

im_tam said:


> Please leave your husband. He is a SICK man.



Try not to judge. You know nothing of this man and what he is about or going through. So you might not agree with his philosophies and ideals, does not make him SICK. To some people sex is nothing really (that is why open marriages exist and work for some). I think the truth is that he is older and not as interested in sex. I think this is an interesting study in a way, because as we age and our body changes, sex generally becomes less and less of a necessity and frequency decreases. I would like to think I will still enjoy and be able to participate in sex until my dying day, but at the same time hope that I can find someone that I can grow old with and still love and cherish just as much in our final days together, as I did in the beginning days together, even if sex is not a part of it at that point. Love != Sex (that means Love does not equal Sex for the non logic types).


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

supermother said:


> Well if I wan't committed to this relationship, I would not be trying to save it. I know I was wrong for cheating and I know he's hurt. Should I be focusing on fixing our sex life or should the foxus be getting his confidence back? He cried in my arms when he confronted me about cheating. I've never seen him like that before. It makes me feel really bad when I think about it.


SM (sorry, I just can't call you "supermother" considering all that is going on), please stop saying you are committed to this relationship (note that you call it a relationship and not a marriage.) You made some poor choices in life, found a man that wanted to commit to you in spite of your past, and you cheated on him in the first year of marriage. That is NOT commitment. This isn't a case where you suffered for years in a sexless marriage while your husband dealt with an ED problem. FIRST YEAR!!! You couldn't even make it 365 days? This says a lot more about YOUR sexual problem than it does about your husband's. YOU need therapy.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

supermother said:


> It doesn't bother me as I've taken worse abuse before
> 
> We are thinking about maybe seeing a sex therapist. I've suggested that we try some toys or maybe he can take some medicine. He is totally against the idea. He says that I've made him feel inadequate.


TOTALLY missed my point. 

My point is that you are focusing on SEX as the proof of a good marriage, the major GOAL of a marriage, when there is so much more. But you're so damaged from 20 years of dysfunction, you're incapable of looking at what really matters in life. If he had a stroke and couldn't move any more, what would you do? You SAY you love him, but would you then start going out and hitting the town to get your 'high,' as he would then be worthless to you?

What do you think love IS?

YOU are the one who needs therapy, to deal with one of the most destructive adult lives I've ever read about (not to mention what it has done to your kids).


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

supermother said:


> And I didn't realize that he was emasculated until it was too late. How could I give him more confidence?


You're kidding, right?

*STOP CHEATING!*


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

supermother said:


> Well if I wan't committed to this relationship, I would not be trying to save it. I know I was wrong for cheating and I know he's hurt. Should I be focusing on fixing our sex life or should the foxus be getting his confidence back? He cried in my arms when he confronted me about cheating. I've never seen him like that before. _It makes me feel really bad when I think about it_.


 IT SHOULD!

You should be so ashamed of yourself you vow to not bring up sex for a YEAR as your penance! But you don't know how to do selfless, do you? Your whole life has been about pleasing yourself. It's an alien concept to do FOR someone else. That is why you need therapy. You simply have no clue what a real relationship and what love is.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

SM,

If you think that you have sexual issues with him now, wait until he's in his 70's and 80's and you're in your 40's and 50's. You could wind up being his nurse's aid for years;wiping his butt and giving him sponge baths - that is if you can't afford to plop him in a nursing home. If you can't even go one year now without cheating, good Lord what will you be like then. 

You knew how much older he was than you. But you made the choice to marry him for security and for your kids. That was the trade off. Now you can't stick to your end of the bargain and it will only get worse. Poor, deluded man - for not understanding this.

If you want to keep that security, be moral enough to keep your panties on while you're away from him. Work with him on the sexual issues some more. 

Otherwise, do him a favor and divorce him. He's too weak minded to realize it right now, but he'll be much better off. He could very well find someone his own age and live out his life with some dignity and respect.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

What does it mean, supermother? It means that secretly down deep inside where he really doesn't like to go, he hopes that you will take a walk and not come back. That would be the only way for him to regain his self respect.


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Wow this thread really brings out the best AND worst of people.


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

SM: have you thought that maybe you don't turn him on enough?

You are clearly ok for a younger man who probably thinks a woman lying underneath him and 'doing crazy positions' is all it takes. 

For a more experienced man, a woman who wants to satisfy her lover is the biggest turn on. That takes empathy, nuance, emotional intelligence and desire.

I wonder if it is *you* that is inadequate, but he is too much of a gentleman to say?


----------



## old_soldier (Jul 17, 2012)

bryanp said:


> You clearly have a history of self-destructive and irresponsible behavior throughout your life. Everything you say seems to be all about you and your needs only. Maybe you are not a good lover to your husband. Have you ever thought about that?
> 
> You have recently been married and you have already cheated on your husband for 4 months behind his back and probably put him in danger of getting STD's. This is simply another example of your self-destructive behavior. You will use and be used by other men until eventually you drive your husband away. What do you think the chances are of another man marrying a woman with your background and who has seven children? My guess is not too good.
> 
> You say you turned your life around and found religion and God and yet your behavior is just the opposite of this. I know that nothing I say will make a difference. It is interesting that it seems you expect your husband to do all the work. Where is your work? Maybe you should have had this discussion with him before you went behind his back to humiliate and disrespect him for 4 months with another man. You did not even have the decency to be honest with him since he had to find out on his own. What kind of a role model are you for your children? Your self-destruction will have a great negative impact on your children and husband but again I guess it is just all about you isn't it.


You found God? You've accepted Jesus as your personal saviour? Have you heard of the Holy Bible? Look up the chapter and verse that give God's ten commandments to mankind; specifically THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY! You found God, or a convienent way to help you look after your kids and give you all a place to live, eat and sleep. You found God? Really???


----------



## chazmataz3 (May 29, 2013)

and your husband is a deacon in the church?


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

old_soldier said:


> You found God? You've accepted Jesus as your personal saviour? Have you heard of the Holy Bible? Look up the chapter and verse that give God's ten commandments to mankind; specifically THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY! You found God, or a convienent way to help you look after your kids and give you all a place to live, eat and sleep. You found God? Really???


Yeah, this bothers me. I'm not religious but last time I checked, adultery is a sin. If OP is truly saved then she should know she has not only betrayed her husband but she has betrayed god. 

Simply because you have accepted Jesus and he has forgiven you for your sins, it does not give you license to do whatever you darn well please.


----------



## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

Your husband's offer comes from a place of deep pain. You have said to him, "I love you, hon, but you just can't quite get me to my happy place". So, to prevent "losing" you completely, he says you can go do as you wish. He's not telling you he wants you to go be with someone else. He simply doesn't know what else to do. He's hurt, emasculated, and doesn't know what else to do but let you do as you wish. Honestly, what woman in her right mind would even consider taking him up on this arrangement? Can you not see it for what it is? An older man who has 
1. believed as the Church teaches that the blood of Christ washes away sin (seven kids out of wedlock and former stripper/escort)
2. become the Knight in Shining armour, probably against the advice of his deacon friends
3. loved you and your kids and given you a chance at stability

Really? Think about what you're considering. If he can't satisfy you, get a BOB. TEACH HIM WHAT TO DO WITH IT. If BOB doesn't work, perhaps something made by Black and Decker. If you can't figure it out, save this man any more pain and embarrassment and let him go.


----------



## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

let me be the devil's advocate here...

what if, I mean really what if...

the hubby knows for a fact that he will never ever be able to satisfy the wife and he is REALLY ok with the wife seeking sexual pleasures elsewhere? instead of continuous pain/suffering like some of you have mentioned, what if the hubby is in fact glad and nothing turns him on more than to see his wife enjoying sex with multiple partners?


----------



## old_soldier (Jul 17, 2012)

malmale said:


> let me be the devil's advocate here...
> 
> what if, I mean really what if...
> 
> the hubby knows for a fact that he will never ever be able to satisfy the wife and he is REALLY ok with the wife seeking sexual pleasures elsewhere? instead of continuous pain/suffering like some of you have mentioned, what if the hubby is in fact glad and nothing turns him on more than to see his wife enjoying sex with multiple partners?


Then he is a spineless, weak kneed, pervert cuckold, and she is still a trollop, That's what if.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

old_soldier said:


> Then he is a spineless, weak kneed, pervert cuckold, and she is still a trollop, That's what if.


It's swingers like that.


----------



## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

malmale said:


> let me be the devil's advocate here...
> 
> what if, I mean really what if...
> 
> the hubby knows for a fact that he will never ever be able to satisfy the wife and he is REALLY ok with the wife seeking sexual pleasures elsewhere? instead of continuous pain/suffering like some of you have mentioned, what if the hubby is in fact glad and nothing turns him on more than to see his wife enjoying sex with multiple partners?


This is what I am also afraid of.

Why would a 64 year old man marry a woman with colorful past and 7 kids?
Have no issues with her sleeping with other men.

There is something very wrong if this man is ok with all this.

What does he get out of his marriage. Something evil is hidden in this riddle.


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

im_tam said:


> This is what I am also afraid of.
> 
> Why would a 64 year old man marry a woman with colorful past and 7 kids?
> Have no issues with her sleeping with other men.
> ...


Yikes.

At first I thought you were being dramatic and paranoid, then the penny dropped and I am thinking this man might not be that bothered about sex with his wife for some other reason. It begs further questions.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

If he was crying when he found the videos and pics and confronted his wife and was told the truth. He requested she tell him before the trysts and that protection be used. I would think that he is not that fully accepting and happy with the situation based on these fact.

I would think it is not what he is possibly getting out of the marriage that is the question, but what he stands to lose if the marriage dissolves. Being a Deacon in the church, he could stand to lose face, income, and various other things and standings in the church and community if the marriage dissolves. He could also stand to lose a family that maybe he has so desperately desired (heck he may be low T or sterile and this could mean no family of his own especially at his age). Maybe his desire is to stay and raise the kids and provide for and love them. As awful as we see it, maybe he is no different than others who have stayed because they love the spouse and children, despite the bad actions of the spouse.


----------



## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

Chris989 said:


> Yikes.
> 
> At first I thought you were being dramatic and paranoid, then the penny dropped and I am thinking this man might not be that bothered about sex with his wife for some other reason. It begs further questions.


Exactly. Perhaps he has "trouble" because Deacon Jr. thinks about all the previous trailblazers? A turnoff? I have cared for women of her former occupation in the ER from time to time, and one of the doctors I worked with said, "I wouldn't touch that with a vaccinated corn cob, you don't know WHAT's been there". On the other had, perhaps it's just his age/health. For that, there are slip-on extensions that don't require an erection and are even strapless. He may just need to be pointed in the right direction.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

im_tam said:


> This is what I am also afraid of.
> 
> *Why would a 64 year old man marry a woman with colorful past and 7 kids?*
> Have no issues with her sleeping with other men.
> ...


Let's hope he's not a pedophile. And I also hope the SuperMom is not forcing her older children to miss after school activities to babysit the younger kids so that SuperMom can get her afternoon delight with another man.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

A 64 year old man would marry such a woman to have a wife and a family. Because he was lonely. Knowing who she was, but willing to ignore that part, so he can keep the wife/family part and not be lonely. A 64 year old is not dead, my H is 60 and he's as vibrant and sharp as he was at 30, just heals more slowly.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

old_soldier said:


> You found God? You've accepted Jesus as your personal saviour? Have you heard of the Holy Bible? Look up the chapter and verse that give God's ten commandments to mankind; specifically THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY! You found God, or a convienent way to help you look after your kids and give you all a place to live, eat and sleep. You found God? Really???


Supermom, I am going to get my retired chaplain's hat out of the closet and speak to you as a chaplain who has a very similar faith to you.

First, what Old soldier is saying is partially correct, though I don't agree with the tone, his quote from the Scriptures that "thou shalt not commit adultery" is dead on point.

Second, what your husband is giving you permission to do is not in keeping with a Christian life at all.

Third, sexuality is a very strong drive in some people. You taking it outside the M will bring judgement from God. Be warned about that. Hebrews 13:4 says "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." 

Forth, Keep in mind 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control.”


What I would suggest is that you really get into the Word of God. Your husband should be leading in this department but isn't. Nothing the two of you have done is beyond God's help. But you both are heading for disaster if you continue in this path.

As a chaplain I will tell you that no matter what your husband does or does not do sexually, should lead you to go out looking for strange. What if he starts becoming sexual superman and gives you sex 3 times a day, the way you like it, the way you want it, then he goes into a coma and ends up in a hospital for life? Does that give you the right to go out and get strange?

You said you got saved? If you lived in the church world as long as I have and in leadeship positions, you will see that we (in the church) really have no better success rate in regards to M and D then those who don't have faith. We have been influenced by the world in so many ways there is not much difference. Your faith, your salvation, is meant to set you apart from the world. Your future is set and you really need to continue the race that is set before you and run towards that finish line. Read Hebrews. Your faith has been ambushed, you are under severe attack from our enemy and you got suckered in big time. Now your stupid husband is feeding right into it. 

The Christian life is not easy. Nor are we perfect. God will forgive you if you ask. God will give you all you need to resist these temptations and God will give you the means to fulfill your disires, but God will not give you permission to do it outside the M as your stupid husband is suggesting. Right now your husband is leading you astray and he needs a slap up side the head and needs to repent. 

I understand your frustration sexually, but M is not all about sex. You have bought one of the biggest lies Satan throws at us. 

"God knows our situation; He will not judge us as if we had no difficulties to overcome. What matters is the sincerity and perseverance of our will to overcome them.” –C. S. Lewis

“Battles are fought in our minds every day. When we begin to feel the battle is just too difficult and want to give up, we must choose to resist negative thoughts and be determined to rise above our problems. We must decide that we’re not going to quit. When we’re bombarded with doubts and fears, we must take a stand and say: ‘I’ll never give up! God’s on my side. He loves me, and He’s helping me! I’m going to make it!’”—Joyce Meyer

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”—Philippians 1:6

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”—Hebrews 12:1

“And He was saying to them all, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.”—Luke 9:23

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”—Philippians 4:13


I would recommend that you call Focus on the Family and ask for a counselor. Talk to them and ask for a referal in your area.

You face a very difficult M, especially with the age difference. You are right on in asking your husband to do things sexually and what you are asking is in my mind permissable. THough I would not recommend the riskier stuff. 

Repent, seek God's forgiveness but under no circumstances, don't ever, never listen to what your husband is suggesting.

You can have a good M, God willing.


----------



## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Has 7 children from many men. Was a *****. Goes to church. Gets saved. Marries old assed deacon with ED. Cheats on husband. Wants to do right thing. Gets bool sheet advise here, and encourage to have an open marriage. Lol x 1,000!!


----------



## sammy7111 (Apr 19, 2014)

First your no super mom a super mom would teach there kids respect loyalty and how to have morals 
Second you married a man thirty years older then you what did you think was going to happen hell it's just going to get worse. 
And I know your going to say your kids don't know don't be stupid they know are the will know one day there's 7 of them and all you need is one to find out then they will all know. 
What kind of church is this your going to because it sounds like a screwed up church. 
It sounds like his just scared he will die alone that's way his just letting you do it. My sympathies to your kids
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)




----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

supermother said:


> *1 - Greetings,*
> 
> *2 - I'm 34 and I have 7 children.*
> 
> ...


No more clues.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

You're talking to yourselves guys.

Op only posted for one day and that was at the end of July 2013.


----------



## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

LOL - Two options here:

1. (99.9%) - OP was troll.
2. (.01%) - OP found God.



WyshIknew said:


> You're talking to yourselves guys.
> 
> Op only posted for one day and that was at the end of July 2013.


----------



## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

WyshIknew said:


> You're talking to yourselves guys.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

WyshIknew said:


> You're talking to yourselves guys.
> 
> Op only posted for one day and that was at the end of July 2013.


LOL, thanks Wysh. I was actually in the process of cooking up a somewhat less subtle meme.


----------



## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

I <3 The Walking Dead.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Regret214 said:


> I <3 The Walking Dead.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ditto! But who doesn't, right?

Threadjack!


----------



## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

Apart from my strong belief that this is a troll thread, I have to chime in on this madness. 

Having done A LOT of reading on escorting and that life, I doubt your story because escorts are able to compartmentalize sex AND enjoy it with regulars. That being said, I can't possibly fathom how you are afraid of catching feelings for some guy who is "breaking you off" in the bedroom. You are or were a sex worker. Sex, pleasure and love are things you learned how to separate long ago. Going to church is not gonna change that. I know church like no body's business. If you are real, pull on your training.

Next, if you are real, I am not sure what type of chandelier hanging sex you are anticipating. Even escorts who write about their personal sex lives really do the old "beast with two backs" lights off thing. Even porn performers don't have porn sex. Perhaps you are a sex addict, which is a real probability. This guy refuses to use toys?! He married a former hooker and he's drawing the line at sex toys in the marital bed? That's a line that could easily be crossed. In fact its about 20 lines behind the line that he crossed to get with you in the first place. Reformed escort with 7 kids marrying a 30 years her senior church deacon would damn near shut a church down. PERIOD. You have no idea how much I know church, and not just my own denomination. Really, no idea.

Still, the idea that you are in love with an old church deacon who can't sexually satisfy you, a former prostitute, who is currently saved, sanctified and filled with the spirit, but regularly gets her freak on with a younger man that she is afraid of catching feelings for does raise the standard for future trolls. :rofl:


----------



## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

Regret214 said:


> I <3 The Walking Dead.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



what about breaking bad?


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

sammy7111 said:


> First your no super mom a super mom would teach there kids respect loyalty and how to have morals
> Second you married a man thirty years older then you what did you think was going to happen hell it's just going to get worse.
> And I know your going to say your kids don't know don't be stupid they know are the will know one day there's 7 of them and all you need is one to find out then they will all know.
> What kind of church is this your going to because it sounds like a screwed up church.
> ...


She obvioulsy married this guy for security. She's got 7 kids, from different fathers. She's starting to crest the hill. Her looks are fading. This 64 man saved her, not Jesus.

She's obviously was promiscuous in her youth. She landed someone with a house, a bank account and low standards in a wife.

The guy, at 64 is no dynamo in bed. She starts screwing around on him(big surprise).

Even if he hadn't given her a green light to cheat, she wouldn't stop for long. The revolving door of men that have passed through her lobby wasn't going to stop for this guy, or anyone else.

She says that she's religious. I find that kind of amusing.

Now she's here to try to get approval for and make her self feel better about, having been unfaithful for the previous 4 months. To also get a green light for her "cheaters pass".

But she doesn't need a pass. Never has and never will. I think I know why none of her baby-daddies never stuck around for long...


----------



## HypnoHealer (Feb 14, 2014)

supermother said:


> It doesn't bother me as I've taken worse abuse before
> 
> We are thinking about maybe seeing a sex therapist. I've suggested that we try some toys or maybe he can take some medicine. He is totally against the idea. He says that I've made him feel inadequate.


Thank goodness there are so many Christians be so non-judgemental here.

First You did not make him feel inadequate. You did what you did and he decided to choose to feel inadequate as HIS response.

He might consider that he is sexually inadequate. I am an excellent skier, tennis player, fairly good in bed, was a professional masseur. I am totally inadequate playing the violin and French horn. Now that I have never studied either might have something to do with this fact and I suspect (and the word is monotonous as in always the same, monotone is a single note, this to those who were stunned by your literatry prowess. I btw found your letter perfectly acceptable to getting across your ideas.) could be remedied if I cared to do so. 

Given that I am over 60 and still sexually active, though not the 14 year old I once was, the fact that you guys Are having sex, which he does in a monotonous manner does point to some obvious options. One is educate him on what you like. Contrary to popular saying Old Dogs can be taught new tricks.

I also think women are in general more sexual, but have had far more brainwashing over time, so are often more sexually desensitized by social custom.

Should circumstances require that you have other partners, I recommend this be something you do together. Let him find and bring the men to you and be in bed with the two of you.

While I can imagine all the "moralists" outraged at this idea, the fact is your husband and you have an emotional bond and you mentioned being compatible. I suspect he is far more interested in the companionship you and your children bring into his life.

I think you "going off for a bit of beefcake" (if we may drag out punned metaphored of questionable literary value) is generally a bad idea.

It is your job to educate him as to your likes and dislikes, whether they be sexual, or otherwise. I for example hate black pepper and mayonaise.. I make sure people know these things. I would consider myself boorish to let a hostess know After the Fact and have her feel upset. 

I also enjoy being a sadist, but realy I am a faux sadist, because I really only enjoy those things with masochists, while find being sweet and tender to those who like thatn perfectly enjoyable as well. I have also discovered that women who like sweet tender love, every so often like being thrown up against the wall, their clothes ripped off and forked until well done.

This comes under the "variety is the spice of life" aspect of....

If your husband is out of shape, put him on a high fat-protein diet with few carbs and starches, plenty of real food (dietdoctor.com an excellent source of good advice I am not affilated blahblah) then you and the kids take him for a walk after dinner, and before breakfast, get him lifting weights 2 x a week and dancing in your livingroom.

Buy some porn and show him what you like. Oggle girls with him as well. "So those two over there darling, which one do you like they skinny one or the one with more meat?" Let him know he can let his hair down a bit.

The idea that Only One is right is just a group of power hungry religious yahoos trying to ruin your life while convincing you to kill those people who believe in the Wrong Gawd

But the "I'm going out" is sort of like having ice cream and not offering to share, selfish at best.

And to all of you sacntimonious idiots, get back to us right after you have walked on water.

Good luck with this. I hope you work it out.


----------

