# emotional cheatting.



## TaylorsMummy (Aug 24, 2011)

Would you consider it cheating if someone was arranging to meet with someone/dirty emails/pictures


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

TaylorsMummy said:


> Would you consider it cheating if someone was arranging to meet with someone/dirty emails/pictures


Yep. No doubt about it. And, if they are arranging to meet, it's not to swap coupons. So it will soon fall into any possible definition of cheating.


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## TaylorsMummy (Aug 24, 2011)

i dont know what to do  i honestly belived he loved me, and then i caught him not once but twice with the same MARRIED women who he went school with :'(


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

So you understand my experience - I was involved with an old high school flame (who was also married) in a seven week full blown emotional affair - sexting, ILY (I love you) - the whole deal. Just because he's involved in something like this does not mean that he doesn't love you, but it does mean he is horribly confused and thinking only of himself currently. I loved my wife very much before and during my EA and do even more so today. There is so much to read here about how an affair affects the wayward and their ability to think rationally, it's called "The Fog" and in my experience it is very real, and it is basically like a drug addiction. 

Read a couple of threads here about the fog and how to intervene in your H's affair. You need to move quickly because as PHT said, if they're arranging to meet they are moments from going PA (physical affair) and that will make it only that much harder. 

Good Luck - there's lots of good advice and people who want to help here.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Oh - and while it certainly not a guarantee. If, once he comes out of the fog, you both genuinely want to reconcile the marriage and he does all of the things necessary to re-establish your piece of mind your marriage can survive - it can even thrive. My wife and I today are much much better than we were before my affair. It will be a hard and painful road, but don't despair, it can be done.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

TaylorsMummy said:


> i dont know what to do  i honestly belived he loved me, and then i caught him not once but twice with the same MARRIED women who he went school with :'(


Are you married or in a relationship?

Is he the father of your kid? (assumption from SN)

There are a few things you CAN do.
Your current situation will help you figure out which of those things is best.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

First, you decide whether you will accept his behavior or not.

If you're unwilling to leave him, then just tell him you don't like it and hope for the best.

If you are willing to leave him, then confront him and tell him that this behavior is unacceptable. Tell him to write a no-contact letter that you can read and mail to the OW. He also gives you unfettered access to his phone, email, and Facebook. He obviously removes/blocks the OW from his contacts. Then, install a keylogger on his computer and put a voice-activated recorder under the seat of his car. This lets you verify that he hasn't moved the affair underground.

Good luck.


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