# Sex 50/50?



## Introuble72 (Apr 24, 2011)

My wife and I have a terrible sex life. Mostly I would say it is me, But my wife won't come onto me at all. My wife says I am the man, and I should start everything. She just lays there, and expects me to find this attractive. She won't kiss me with an open mouth, she won't let me go down on her, she doesn't feel/fondle me, and she doesn't persue me at all. Once she came at me with a real hot getup, and I was completly surprised. I couldn't get hard. Now, she won't try anything like that. The last time she tried something like that was 3 or 4 years ago. I know I have a lot of short comings, but shouldn't she be trying also? 
Our marriage is really suffering. Can anyone help?


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Read this, then ask her to read it.

- Focus on the Family

I found this a few months ago and it helped me and my wife a lot. I have also sent it to a few other guys on this forum and they agreed that it answered a lot of questions for the wives and explained a lot that we seem to have trouble finding words for.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

DanF said:


> Read this, then ask her to read it.
> 
> - Focus on the Family
> 
> I found this a few months ago and it helped me and my wife a lot. I have also sent it to a few other guys on this forum and they agreed that it answered a lot of questions for the wives and explained a lot that we seem to have trouble finding words for.


that is a great series of articles, dead on writings from a woman who gets it


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

You need to communicate this to your wife. She needs to understand how big of a deal this is.

Also, I would suggest the 5 love language quizes. They are quick.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Trouble,
How long have you been together/how long married?

Did the two of you ever have a good sexual relationship or has it always been like this?

Are you in good shape physically? 

Do you know what behavioral things that you do outside the bedroom, which turn her on? Do you know which ones (outside the bedroom) turn her off?




Introuble72 said:


> My wife and I have a terrible sex life. Mostly I would say it is me, But my wife won't come onto me at all. My wife says I am the man, and I should start everything. She just lays there, and expects me to find this attractive. She won't kiss me with an open mouth, she won't let me go down on her, she doesn't feel/fondle me, and she doesn't persue me at all. Once she came at me with a real hot getup, and I was completly surprised. I couldn't get hard. Now, she won't try anything like that. The last time she tried something like that was 3 or 4 years ago. I know I have a lot of short comings, but shouldn't she be trying also?
> Our marriage is really suffering. Can anyone help?


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## rppearso (Feb 4, 2011)

DanF said:


> Read this, then ask her to read it.
> 
> - Focus on the Family
> 
> I found this a few months ago and it helped me and my wife a lot. I have also sent it to a few other guys on this forum and they agreed that it answered a lot of questions for the wives and explained a lot that we seem to have trouble finding words for.


This sort of stuff only works if the wife is willing to do her part, if not it will enevitibly lead to a divorce or a very miserable existance. If she is not doing what her husband wants and her husband is not physically abusive, emotionally absent (while the sex was hot) or a drunk or what ever then the problem lies squarely on the wife. All these "relationship issues" are not really issues that justify withholding sex unless he is genuinly abusive, anything short of that is mental deficincys on her part that will lead the marriage to a divorce.

If your wife is behaving this way, you need to nip it in the bud and either get things figured out ASAP or get the divorce rolling becuase what will happen is she will just keep playing the emotion game in circles until years have passed by and you dont get that time back.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Focus on the Family - Our counsellor gave it to my wife to read...her response;
'Load of bollocks. Written by a man using a womans name just to get more sex'.

So '72' - it might work, it might not.

You wife has successfully managed to kill your libido by refusing to mouth kiss, let you go down on her, lies there like a corpse etc etc.
She has managed to condition you.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

the focus on the family article has received a lot of negative feedback as being anti-feminist and slanted to a guys view.

but here's the thing. if it really describes your view, your needs and wants in a relationship it's worth having your wife read it. if she criticizes the article's tone, she's not getting the message and that's part of the problem.


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## rppearso (Feb 4, 2011)

The real issue is recognizing when the problem has reached the point that its not fixable. If all you are doing is reading articles and talking to counselors thats not really productive in and of itself. There HAS to be a point where you cut her loose period.


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