# Husband wants to take a less paying job that's further away.



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

I will start by saying I have ALWAYS been good with money. I never had debts, never paid for anything with credit cards, always cash, until I met my husband. My savings has been picked away ever since I've known him (10 years) because he can barely pay for anything. I've paid his rent, his bills, his debts, bought him motorcycles. We bought a house over a year ago and I'd say he's paid his share of the mortgage maybe twice and a few other times gives me maybe half of what he owes but mostly it's me paying for everything.

I am college educated and work at a job I love but I am only making $24/hr and I have a 45 minute commute each way to work. He, on the other hand, is lucky to even have a GED but is making $37/hr and has a 20 minute commute one way to work. He has been at this company for 6 years and on your 6 year anniversary you get bumped up to the max pay for your level so this past May he jumped up from $24/hr to $37/hr. The problem is he gets so much taken out of each check (child support, loans, garnishment for unpaid debt, cafeteria) that he loses about $800 a check to that. Add to that another $300 or so that goes into another fund and he still only comes home with about $1000 every two weeks. I am making $13 less an hour than him, yet I come home with about $1600 every 2 weeks.

So he is tired of his job and wants to take a 6 month to year break from it. Riiiight! If he leaves there he will NEVER go back! He finally finagled his way to a different job area that he says he likes and is happy there and raves about being able to go in on the weekends and make time and a half and double time for doing menial work but still wants to go and work as a motorcycle mechanic for this guy he knows. So he will leave a $37/hr job to go and probably make MAYBE $18/hr, plus his commute would be at least an hour each way. It's ridiculous! If he can't pay his bills at $37/hr what makes him think that $18/hr is going to help that??!! Any money he does bring home will go to filling up his gas tank. Oh he tells me that he will be so much happier working on bikes and now that he'd be making less money he wouldn't have to pay as much child support and he can bring in at least $2000/month. No. He will be so fed up with the commute after a week and he will probably not like a few of the people he works with and he will find out that he's not making anything close to what he's making now. 

No matter what I say to him he will give me this argument. There's no way I can get him to see that he is making a terrible choice. I'd be more on board with him doing this for 6 months if the commute was the same as he has now, but traveling that far for a menial paying job when you have a great paying one only 20 minutes away is absurd! I am all for him being happy at his job but right now he needs to be at a job that allows him to pay his bills. Maybe once he gets caught up on all his credit card debt and can pay his share of bills on a regular basis he can go work there, but not now!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

While I'm in favor of doing work you love, responsibilities must come first. The main flaw I see (without even addressing his shortcomings in paying his share now) is that he may not get a break on child support - he's leaving a well-paying job for less money voluntarily, so the court may not accept the change and hold him to the existing amount. If he lost his current job and this was all he could get, then it could work - but the court could want records of job applications and interviews attended. It may depend on your state's laws, though.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My thoughts... You continuing to enable his bad financial management has given him a sense of entitlement that you'll just "take care of things". So he can continue to coast. 

How do you change that? Sign you both up for a financial management course. Set goals. Budget. And make him involved with the process. If he doesn't buy in, then he gets cut back. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Mapper
There is often a tradeoff between doing what you enjoy and doing what makes the most money. Usually neither extreme is the right answer: There are often terrible jobs that pay well, but are not worth it, and things you really enjoy may be better as hobbies than as work.

One part of this is to take a realistic look with him at what your financial situation would be like if he changes jobs. Is he willing to live like that? If he is, but you are not, then you need to have some very difficult conversations.

I don't think there is an easy answer to this sort of question.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why are you even asking about this? You're RAISING a child, who expects to keep spending YOUR money. Are you ready to start treating him like an adult? Yeah? Great. Don't give him another cent. He's free to move away and take that job, right? Good luck living on it, cos you're not getting another cent from me.

Reminds me of when I told my DD12 that she was now getting an allowance, but that I was also no longer paying for ANYTHING for her other than food, housing, and medical care. It was amazing how quickly she realized she really didn't need that new CD or that $40 skirt, when SHE had to pay for it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

The bottom line is that he can do as he likes regardless of how you feel about it.

And the bottom line is also that you have choices you can make too. You're not under any obligation to fund his dream job. If you're not willing to, you are explaining this to the wrong audience.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

There are some tough issues but let's review one, support. HE SHOULD NOT THINK HE WILL EASILY PAY LESS SUPPORT. 
First, he will have to file a formal application to modify the existing matrimonial agreement and in the interim have to pay the current support. He will be required to provide tax returns, pay stubs and other information. She will explain her current needs, financing, etc. 

Is he going to hire a lawyer for this motion to modify, count on an initial 2,500- 3,500 with more needed as the lawyer says she is "surprised" about the opposition and the time has exceeded her projection. First wife has been checking the two of you out noting you have a nicer car, residence, clothes, etc, saying apparently nothing is too good for new wife but I have to struggle with what I have. First wife's friends and family tell her the problem is "she's been too nice" and needs to get a tough lawyer to protect herself and her family. 

Picture a heavyweight title fight- that's is like a prom date compared to the fight you two have coming. And if it comes out that he voluntarily took a lower paying job, the judge may impute income based upon what he could be earning.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There are consequences for our choices. He chose to make babies and apparently chose to not voluntarily pay child support so his wages are garnished. He chose to take on debt he could not or would not voluntarily pay so he gets garnished. He might be "happy" working on bikes, being a circus clown, or being a Rockette, but he is a man and he has legal and moral obligations. A man does what is best for his family, not what happens to blow his skirt up this week. He can work on bikes at home in his off time. Who knows? That might turn out to eventually be a better paying gig. Right now, I don't see how someone in his position can justify cutting their contribution to family income in half.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

If he leaves his job, and this great new thing doesn't work out, doesn't that meas he's trading in the tenure it took him 6 years to accomplish? Won't he then essentially start all over?

Also, does the think that he'll be bringing home more money and not paying support because he's planning on being paid under the table? 

He's playing with fire on that one.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

This is childish nonsense.

I wish he could run this plan by Dave Ramsey or (for you older folks) Bruce Williams. They'd chop him up like a food processor.

Its stupid, plain and simple. He want's to be a motorcycle mechanic? That would last about 6 months, and either he'd get tired, or his buddy would close up shop.

He needs to grow up and provide.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

what kind of work is he doing now making 37/hr?


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