# Cheated my wife how to gain her trust(from India)



## 22989278 (Sep 15, 2012)

HI,

I am 29 and we have completed 2 years of our marriage and have son who is going to be a year old in 3rd Oct.We had love affair for 4 years until we married.
I was at my bedroom on my laptop and my wife suddenly bursts in and tells me to shut down whatever i was doing in laptop.Then she shows me a video from my mobile phone and starts confronting me regarding who i was with on the video,where i was getting undressed with a girl. I had no sensible word to tell her then, she was so mad and hurt that i got few painful slaps and kicks from her.It was the same day when her mother had visited us and was in the sitting room watching tv holding our son.She came running and when she saw that video she started crying and rung her husband at that moment who was out of city then due to some business.My father and mother and my younger sister were rung too.
Till this time i could not believe this was happening to me, i was numb on repeated questions on why i did this.
The Video was taken accidentally , as i am from India sometimes there are lack of electricity due to too much of power consumption.In the video i am in a room with with a girl whom i gave a lift in my car where later on while speaking to her realized she was a callgirl and offered me a service for some money and took me to some place in slum area which i cannot now recall as i had not focused on driving or the directions as i was more focused on her.She takes me to her place and i see that there is no electricity its dark and very hot and humid.That was the time when i turned on my mobile phone camera lights to beat the dark , where in the video i am undressing myself and unhooking her clothes and ready for physical relationship where i asked her if she has protection(c....m) with her where she says no and asks me to get down the road a bring it but then the video ends, actually after that i wore my clothes and i thought i heard someone coming , humid weather and no protection.I left the place without actually having physical relationship.It never came to my mind that video had been recorded in my mobile while using light.
I love my wife and my son more than anything.She is beautiful and she would never do this to me.She prays regularly and very righteous and God fearing person.She loves me and very possessive about me.
Its been 2 days since this incident i pleaded her to forgive me where says she cant forgive me.She also says If in case she would forgive me she would not be able to trust me again.I am so scared that i would loose her and my son.I cant leave without them, i cried a lot like a child holding my year old son.I asked for forgiveness and genuinely.
Now, i am at my parents place as her mom requested me to give her some space so i left my wife and her mom and my son at my place and i am at my parents place.
I told her the whole story but she doesn't believe what happened after that video ends.She thinks i had s.. with that call girl.But looking at the situation i am in video anyone would think so.
I had a talk with her parents and i asked them for once change to win her trust back in fact everyone's whom i have hurt.I am to give her time for few months for her to recover but yes i will visit my son once in a while in this period.I am willing to be her servant do anything i need to do to be back with my family.
I love my wife a lot.I cant imagine living my life without my son and my wife.I am remorseful and from my heart i know i would never again fall into any temptations which could bring me into this kind of situation.
At this point of time i need help on how to with my wifes trust, me saying sorry ,would not change anything.She might forgive me but how can she erase that image from her mind.I have changed my heart completely but how could she know.I am a cronic cigarette smoker(i always think i cannot stop, and she knows) so i am thinking to quit smoking to prove her that i can change and start exercising which i never did when she wanted me to.Please, give me advice on how i can win her trust back.
I apologize for inconvenience set to any and all due to my poor English.Hoping for your responses.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Have a very honest communication with her.
Start MC.

You had the intention of cheating your wife......
Bad.
Was the video taken before your marriage?


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

You have a very long road ahead of you.

You need to read everything you can get your hands on about what a betrayed spouse has to deal with. You need to be the model of remorse, regret and patience.

You say you love your wife and son more than anything but not enough to stay away from hookers. This is what your wife will be thinking. This is what her parents will be thinking (be glad her dad didn't beat you). This is what your son would think if he knew. Shame on you.

This is not the time for you to quit smoking, you will need every crutch you can get to get through this one, but starting to exercise with your wife is not a bad idea. It will help both of you deal with the stress of the situation in a better way.

Good luck to you. You are going to need it.


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## 22989278 (Sep 15, 2012)

@ AngryandUsed , i did try to speak to her honestly but she is not willing to trust anything i say.She thinks i am lying.I would like to start MC but we don't have MC here in this city, i need to drive around 300miles to get a MC its like whole days drive in Indian road, is it worth? Does my wife need to be with me? I have no clue how Marriage counseling actually works, can you enlighten me?
And yes, if the situation was favorable i would have cheated on my wife for sure but its no use now coz she thinks i have cheated on her and so would anyone who would watch that video.
Video was taken 5 days back so day before was the D Day.

@ Falene, yes , i have been trying to understand what she is going through, how much of pain she is in.I was reading THE PAIN OF ADULTERY by Rabbi Shmeuli Boteach and it really opened my heart.I never realized that my actions could cause such devastating effect on my wife.I am feel ashamed and remorseful from inner core of my heart and i know in my heart that i would never even think about cheating my wife.
I fail to understand why i wanted to sleep with that call girl and why didn't have the will power to say know coz there is nothing wrong with my wife , she is more beautiful and loves me and takes care of me everyday.When my wife asks me why i did so? i Don't have an answer. 
As everyone know i left my wife with her mom and my son alone and i am leaving at my parents place at the moment.Today i txted her saying how much i hurt her and how remorseful i am.She replied by saying to confess everything to her truthfully , to txt her if i don't have guts to tell her on phone.She meant to say to confess that i had sex with that hooker but i told her the whole story where she states she doesn't believe me and i am lying and she will never forgive me, and she also said if she happens to forgive me by chance she is goona make my life hell.
She actually called me and spoke to me for an Hour , where i was listening the whole time what she had to say.She was abusing me the whole 1 hour.I read somewhere that if want to reconcile than i should be ready to take the anger that would come from BS.She called me everything that's in the verbal abuse dictionary for a good one hour.She said lots of things that was heart penetrating, if i was not at fault i would have blasted her I am just listening to her and saying sorry for what i did and for hurting her so bad. At the end she hanged up saying not to call her and not to txt her...
This is where i stand now, i need help now on what to do.....


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## 22989278 (Sep 15, 2012)

i saw there are 180 lists for BS, what about WS like us who are broken and remorseful and want to win trust again and have a same married life like earlier...there must be something...please, help..its killing me inside...


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Oh my.

Okay, first you have to know she is in a lot of pain and that she is saying a lot of things that are very mean. You also have to know she doesn't mean half of them. She is striking out at you. This is normal. Be patient. Be understanding. Be ready to take a lot more of it.

If you were my husband, I would not believe you either. I would also think you have been with other hookers in the past. All you can do is tell the the ENTIRE truth. Even things she doesn't know about in order to be honest when you tell her she knows everything.

You keep repeating the truth. You keep expressing your remorse. You keep being kind and patient. You pray she will come around. It may take days, weeks or even months. Just stay on this path. It is your only hope.

Another thing you could do is to try and go speak with her parents. If you can convince them you are being honest and desperately need their help in winning back your wife it may help. They may also try to kill you so be careful.

You mentioned that you read a book from a Rabbi? Are you Jewish? Are the two of you religious? It may help to contact your Rabbi or priest or whatever and see what help they can offer. A good spiritual leader will have experience in this and can maybe offer help.

If I were you, I would move heaven and earth to try and get back into the house. You should have never left. Being able to see her every day and show her how remorseful you are and how wrong you are will help a lot.

I can't say this enough or stress this enough...this is going to be a long and difficult road for you and her. You need to be ready to take a lot of abuse and dish out a lot of love to her. It is hard when someone is being mean to us but you must never forget YOU DID THIS and you are now reaping what you sowed.


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## 22989278 (Sep 15, 2012)

I regret honestly for this blunder , if it was just that she heard from someone or somewhere that i was cheating on her it would not have effected her much but as she saw the video of mine with that girl , it is going to be very difficult for her to forget.I mean even if she forgives me and we start living together do you thing she can get intimate with me? Isn't she goona have that video running through her mind , how will i love her and kiss her? i find it so difficult.
Anyways, about telling her the entire truth , what else can i tell her to prove my honesty regarding being truly remorseful ? Shall i tell her that i used to have lustful thoughts with other women even before this incident or i used to watch pron videos..coz i used to , but no i think this would mess the whole thing.
About talking with her parents , actually i am in constant touch with them, her mom says i am like her son and i made a mistake and she forgives me but all depends upon what wife decides, same thing her father says..I cried and confessed with him over the phone and i told him that i did this blunder intentionally and i realize my mistake where i have let down everyone.He says people make mistake as long as i repent and truly remorseful he forgives me but decision is of her daughters.
The book i read was not religious, its the writers name , it really makes us understand what BS actually have to go through in real meaning, its written after lots of research it seems.I have a pdf copy if you want.
Talking about getting back into the house, i don't think its a good coz if i am at house she will see my face and plays that video on her mind again and again.I consulted with her mom and decided to be far from her for few weeks or months so that her wounds would be healed.If i keep on leaving with her in this situation, i don't think she will ever be able to overcome this incident.I thought to give her space.I will visit my son and her once in 2 days though.Don't you think its ok?


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

You did cheat on her. 

This is what you need to be saying to her. "I cheated on you and I betrayed you. I picked up this whor*(not callgirl, shes a whor* you know it and your wife knows it) because I wanted to have sex with her. I put down my phone so we could a little bit of light, I must've activated the camera and thats how the video got on my phone. We started taking off our clothes, preparing to have sex. I ask her for a condom, but she says she doesn't have any and to get one across the street. At that point, I thought I heard someone coming outside of the room. Sitting there with my clothes off, in a dark building, with a woman I don't know, I got spooked. I got scared and I got the hell out of there. Nonetheless I was there for sex and I wanted to cheat. If I didn't hear anything, and if she did have a condom, I was definitely going to have sex with her."

You cheated. Whether you stuck it in or not is irrelevant, what matters is that you intended to. Get it across to her that while you didn't have sex with her, you still cheated and betrayed your wife and your son.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I have to say your whole story of how you picked up this call girl/prostitute sounds strange. If it sounds strange to me, I'm sure it's unbelievable to your wife too. Are you in the habit of picking up strange women on the side of the road? Surely in a country that is as conservative as India, you can tell a virtuous woman from a prostitute? 

The way you phrased how the whole encounter happened is written to minimize your CHOICES and make you seem like a victim. You're not a victim. No one put a gun to your head or slipped a drug into your drink. You made many choices that evening to be with that woman. For all we know, it's not the first time you've done that. I'm sure that's something your wife must think also. This is only the incident for which she has proof. 

Your words mean nothing at this point. Your actions will need to speak for you. Act like a good husband. Good husbands don't pick up prostitutes and take them to dark rooms. You need to be very accountable for your time. Come home when you say you will. If you're going to be late, call your wife. Say you're sorry and keep saying it. Don't blame your wife for your failings. The cheating isn't her fault at all. Don't take up friendships with other women. You need to put your wife and your marriage first. It will take a long time (2-5 years according to experts) to repair damage from infidelity.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

People cheat because they feel ENTITLED to. You need to own your choices. You didn't pick up a girl for a ride, you picked up a prostitute for sex. Why? Because you're greedy. You have a beautiful wife and son and you thought you were entitled to MORE. 

That's the truth of the situation -- and that owning your CHOICES is what your wife wants to hear. Not defensiveness. Not excuses. Not minimizing it. Not spin. 

This isn't an instant fix. Trust once broken takes a long time of consistent actions to repair, if it can be repaired. And it takes HUMILITY. It's entirely your wife's choice whether to give your marriage a chance. It is a gift. You are not entitled to that gift. When you cheated on her, you gambled your marriage. If you get it back now, it is through HER grace. 

She needs to make an investment in you. And you have proven a bad investment. Now you need to show through constant action, care, and remorse that you are sincere.

It's good your whole family knows. While that must be very painful, it hopefully will keep you on the straight and narrow. Feel ashamed and learn from this. The more you deflect, you won't be opening your heart and learning from this.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Own you stuff man. You got a hooker, you sought her and did her.
Damage control will help nothing. Very soon, no matter how badly your wil wants to believe you, she will realize the story is bull. The will realize you not only cheated but tried to make a fool of her by selling this umplausible story. This will be the end.
Face the mirror, be humble enough to admit the ugly truth, deal with the fallout.


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## CarrWalterl (Sep 17, 2012)

It will help both of you deal with the stress of the situation in a better way


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## 22989278 (Sep 15, 2012)

When i picked up the girl , i was not aware that she was a hooker until she spoke to me about money and service.Now, i do agree that i initiated to pick her up , i mean she was waving hand i don't know at my car or some other car but i stopped and asked where i can drop her, i don't know why i did that day coz i don't usually give lifts to stranger.
Looking at her appearance i could not figure out whether she is a hooker or some virtuous women.How could i tell that.She was wearing normal cloths and looked decent.
There is no doubt that i went with her for sex and i would for sure do it if things were right i mean firstly it was dark, there was no fan in the room let alone Aircon , humid and no condom.But at this forum i have hidden one thing because i thought i would get help and support to get my wife and kid back without sharing the whole truth, i am also ashamed to share this on forum, but now i think getting my wife and kid back is more important than my pride, so here is what happened :-
After i got undress and got her undress, i ask her if she has condom , she says no she doesn't and to get it myself, it was an area i was unaware of , i have been taught in my life that never to have sex without protection with stranger, i was scared and did not have guts to go out in unknown place and buy one.So, i asked her to do oral and finish everything, i also told her that i am not goona pay her what she wanted but less, she agreed and did it, still it was dark with no lights and i was all sweaty so i paid her and left the place , but these are not recorded in the video , its only recoded till she says that she doesn't have a condom.
I have shared this with my wife already, she still says she doesn't believe me, she says letting her do the BJ is more heinous than having sex and she says i did sex with her without condom and she doesn't trust me.Yes,I do understand that she has right to suspect me , i guess i would do the same if i was her.
She now thinks all the other days i used to go out of house for work , i was with hooker.She says, the day i was late i was with hooker.She has made her own picture of me inside her mind.
I have now shared everything that happened that day with my wife and forum.My wife says, what kind of conversation i had with that hooker , where i have no answer, she asks me her name.To be honest i am sure i spoke to her all the way and i even asked her name but i cannot remember what she said her name was, i was only focused on lusting at her at that point that i don't recall her name , what all we spoke in detail and the exact house i went in that slum, i guess some of you are aware about the slum areas in India.
Anyways, i hear everywhere that if you love you wife and kid you can never cheat them, then why did i cheat on my wife.I fail to understand coz i love my wife and kid more than anything else in this world, it seems like i cannot live without them.I never knew that my act could have such a severe consequences, yes, i knew it was not right what i was doing but i thought who will know, i will just slip away but maybe my wife is so spiritual that God listened to her prayer and i got caught.I also think that its good that i got caught otherwise i would never understand real pain of adultery and value of my family.If i had not been caught maybe i would have cheated on her again when chance come.
Now, more than what i did and the shame , i think more about my wife, what she is going through, she always used to say i am hers and i shared her possession with hooker.How can i ever make her trust me again.One thing i am sure is i would never do this kind of act again in my life where i might loose my wife and kid.If someone has gone through as i am , you know what i mean.This incident has opened my heart and eyes.
As everyone know i am living at my parents across the border ie in Nepal.I have left my wife kid and mother in law at my place in India to let them have some space and so that she would get some time to heal her wound, i don't whether i made a right decision, not my decision that's what she wanted, coz she said she doesn't want to see my face.As i have my car registered in India , i have to pay road permit and tax on daily basis so cannot stay long at my parents so will be back to India ie few hours drive across the border, i will leave probably day after.
My father in law is also my business partner so i was wondering if he would still work with me after hurting his daughter so much, i was speaking to him over the phone today we spoke about business as usual, he asked me to focus on work and said he is very dissapointed on what i did.i asked for his forgiveness also and i told him how remorseful i am.He is to leave for USA and Doha for some business deal so he said he will come to meet us first and then sort the things out for us, coz he doesn't want this incident to go out of family ie wifes parents , my parents and younger sister.But, he also said he spoke to my wife today where she was saying she will not forgive me as usual.
Yesterday, when i spoke to her she ended the call saying never to call her and txt her , i have not contacted her txtd her since then.What should i do? I don't have guts to call her shall i txt her? Or shall i just don't disturb her for a while..
What is the best thing for me to do now? I miss her and my son a lot.I cannot hold my tears sometimes.I regret what i did like anything and still wondering why i did.....


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

We had already figured out there was more to the story. Hence the reason I stressed telling your wife the entire truth. I did not mean every lustful thought you have ever had, I meant the truth about what happened that night and any other times you were with another woman. If you are NEVER going to do this again, the best way to start a path of honest living is with telling the truth.

I don't blame your wife. Continue to be sincere, remorseful, loving and patient. That is all you can do. She may forgive you. She may not. There are no guarantees or special ways of dealing with this.

Life goes on... you need to see your son as much as possible. Do not make these visits stressful for your wife. Do not try to engage her in front of your child.

Focus on work, especially since your FIL is going out of the country. This is not the time to screw up or screw off the family business.

Try exercising, it can help with the stress. Eat healthy and try to stay positive. Give your wife some time and try contacting her again. Never give up.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Own you stuff man. You got a hooker, you sought her and did her.
> Damage control will help nothing. Very soon, no matter how badly your wil wants to believe you, she will realize the story is bull. The will realize you not only cheated but tried to make a fool of her by selling this umplausible story. This will be the end.
> Face the mirror, be humble enough to admit the ugly truth, deal with the fallout.


Exactly - All unknown persons on TAM can see through your words. You are lucky that she is religious. You know what I mean.

Own your stuff as Acabado has said. She might forgive you. Don't ever think that she hasn't understood what has been happening so far. You have crushed her little world. Now at least tell her the truth and let her decide. My guess is that she will not leave you.

Your relations will never be same again, anyways. be prepared for that. It was your choice.

If there is any truth in your story, I also feel that the recording may not be accidental. It could be that same woman, who also might have informed your wife. Does your wife check your phone often? Why did she check it that day?


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## 22989278 (Sep 15, 2012)

@AkashNil, why do you think our relation will never be same again? I mean i understand it may take time...
I am sure it was accidental , coz i was the one who turned on the video lights as it was dark and i also know that video gets recorded when you turn on the lights, i completely forgot that for 3 days...
My wife does check my phone now and then , that day she was playing around with son taking pics from my phone and thats when she found out....
Its around midnight here, is it a good idea to txt her? i miss her like anything...


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

When you said you didn't have sex with the hooker, you lied. You did have oral sex with her. Oral sex is still sex. Penis in vagina isn't the only sex act there is. You said the same lie that President Clinton did with Monica Lewinsky. :rofl: And really why bother to lie to all of us here. We're strangers. We don't know you at all. If you can't tell us the truth I have to wonder if you're telling your wife the full truth. 

If there is anything that you have left out please tell your wife. No matter how small the detail is I'm sure she will want to know. If that detail comes out days or weeks later, it will set back your marital recovery to the starting date. This is called trickle truthing. Tell the truth in one truth dump not in small increments. Giving the truth in small increments is death by a thousand cuts. 

Your wife has no reason to trust you right now. When you came home that day after being with the hooker, I'm sure you told her some lie about where you were. So now that she knows the truth, she knows you can look at her in the face and deceive her. Why would she trust you? Trust is built from very consistent actions. You've shown you're very inconsistent. To rebuild trust, you will have to do whatever you say you will do. You will have to be where you say you will. You will have to return her calls promptly, be honest and transparent, and willing to answer any question she asks. It will take a long time. 

The marriage will never be the same again. Even in the best scenarios where the couple reconciles and has a happy marriage afterwards, the marriage is never the same. Trust can be rebuilt but you have forever lost the blind innocent trust your wife had in you. That blind trust will never come back. It's like losing your virginity. Once you've lost it, it's gone. Same way, the "my husband will never cheat on me and deceive me" trust is gone for good. 

I think your wife is struggling with the idea that you a professional, educated man would pick up a prostitute. Her image of you as respectable is shattered. 




22989278 said:


> I also think that its good that i got caught otherwise i would never understand real pain of adultery and value of my family.


Ok, I have to say this made me roll my eyes. You should be embarassed to say this. Please don't say this to your wife. 

You're not mentally disabled or a child. You're clearly a smart man - you're bilingual, you run a business. You can't possibly say to us that you didn't realize the consequences of your actions before you cheated. C'mon. You knew your wife would be hurt (that's why you kept it a secret), you knew there would be damage to your reputation (that's why you kept it a secret), you knew you could possibly lose the marriage. You willfully ignored all the possible consequences and indulged in very selfish actions. What you did was the height of selfishness. Your so called personal growth comes at the expense of your wife's heartbreak. Your wife has lost her life as she knew it including the memories of that time period, her sense of security, her trust in you, her self-image as a wife and lover to you. To say you've grown from this is nothing to be proud of. You could have easily envisioned all this before. 

Recovery is a roller coaster. You have to be very patient with your wife. She will have days where she is very upset, angry and hurt. She will have other days where she is happy and her usual self. If you truly want to recover your marriage, be very patient with her and never blame her for what happened. Your wife's reaction is not unusual at all. What she says isn' unusual either. You're both still very early into recovery. You cannot expect her to say "Yes, I forgive you" so early in the recovery.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> Your words mean nothing at this point. *Your actions will need to speak for you.* Act like a good husband. Good husbands don't pick up prostitutes and take them to dark rooms. You need to be very accountable for your time. Come home when you say you will. If you're going to be late, call your wife. Say you're sorry and keep saying it. Don't blame your wife for your failings. The cheating isn't her fault at all. Don't take up friendships with other women. You need to put your wife and your marriage first. It will take a long time (2-5 years according to experts) to repair damage from infidelity.



Actions speak louder than words. Give her time for the shock to subside, it is very stressful on the mind and body, a person who is betrayed cannot function properly, they lose weight because of not being able to eat and because of the stress, they can't focus/concentrate, they keep replaying videos in their mind.

Give her time, she may ignore you, she may not forgive you but what this needs to be is a time of change for you! Show her you are changing, show her you will stay changed, show her you owe her until you die more so than before, even if you did not become 100% physical with this prostitute.

Tell her the truth ONCE AND FOR all, if you do not she will RELIVE and relapse and start the WHOLE PROCESS all over again!


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## 22989278 (Sep 15, 2012)

Its past midnight and i am not getting sleep, it is killing me to think that i cannot have same relationship with her, She loved me so much and we had such a happy family...awww cant imagine... my sons birthday is on 3th of Oct and had such a big plan.
Right , now the only thing that's bothering me is the pain she is going through.I have told her the whole truth about what happened that day...
But, in this forum though everyone say we will not have same relation as we had earlier, i will prove them wrong coz i know how much i love her and i will set an example. I will never leave her sight, if we ever get together.
Today , i have not spoken to her nor txted , i was wondering if i should txt her saying something. but what? i have given her so much of pain that everything say is meaningless..
Bytheway , amazing thing is that since the incident she has not cried even once.I am scared she is in huge shock....


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## 22989278 (Sep 15, 2012)

I spoke to my mother in law this morning to ask how things are and how my wife and son are doing.Is she eating food and all.My mother in law says she is trying to convince her to forgive me, where she says that she is a strong women and not goona forgive me rather she wanted to go to beauty spa.
As i was speaking to my MIL , i could hear my wife in the background asking who it was on line.She says its your husband, in the meantime i wanna end the conversation coz i didn't wanted to take her anger again like the other day.

Wife came on the line and started asking why i am calling her mother , i told her just to ask how you and son are doing and nothing much.She then got on fire and started telling me that she will never forgive me, she hates me , i am an a$$h.le , she called me [email protected], and what not.She was telling me to stay with my parents, and get married to another girl and to never come back , she also says that she is not hurt and very fine, she says she is very strong and haven't dropped a tear after the incident, She says her her mom and dad can forgive me but she cannot.This time she yelled at me over the phone for 48 mins and i was just there listening to her and saying that i would prove through my actions rather than saying sorry many times and to give a change to work the things out.

Tomorrow , my FIL is coming back where he wants to meet me and work the things out, well, he says i made a mistake and not to worry things are goona be alright but i am scared whats goona happen as my wife would be present at that moment and i need to confess everything to my FIL in detail.Its goona trigger her anger ....I don't know how to handle the situation tomorrow.....


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Be honest and sincere. That is all you can do.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

OP you need to understand what you did. Having sex with a prostitute in a lot of ways creates a bigger mess than an long term affair. Why well in most long term affairs there is a long timeline where your Ls can see how you got caught up emotionally, that while you did cheat you were in a fog and it took time for you to fail your marriage. Having sex or any form of sexual contact with a prostitute shows that in less than 24 hours you are willing to cheat and betray your wife. Also you knew that woman was a prostitute. Don't lie logically you and I both know a virtuous woman is not going to flag down a stranger driving down the road. They will take a taxi or walk and would not be caught dead in the car with another man. In some countries the woman could probably be accused and condemned for just getting in your car. I am sorry I don't by that part and I am concerned that you might have used a prostitute on more than one occasion. I maybe wrong but, you sound like a smart individual, not someone that just moved out of a monastery hidden in the mountains. Your wife needs to know the truth. Sex with a condom does not prevent the spread of Sexually transmitted diseases. You need to be tested for STD's and so does your wife. I think you need to really look at yourself in the mirror accept that you have made the biggest mistakes in your life. You need to accept the fault for your failures and you need to admit them your wife. Nothing will change if you continue to Trickle truth us and your wife. I know you are wracked with guilt but the best thing for your mental state and your wife, is to admit everything without holding back anything. If you continue to admit small truths you will damage and chance you have at reconciliation. Your wife needs to know now the full truth she is going to have accept and forgive you for to move forward. I am not sorry for you. I am just trying to let you know what you need to do to even attempt to salvage any honor. I would also suggest Individual counciling to try and probe deeper into why you did this.


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## 22989278 (Sep 15, 2012)

Today , as my father in law was in the town he called me and my parents to decide on how to move ahead as my wife gave all the authority to her father saying whatever he decides that's goona be final.
So, reached at his place at a dinner time so he started saying how hurt he is and all, then he said that he has decided one thing he wants us to be separated rather than having an unhappy life , he thought it would have a very bad impact on our year old son.So, he said he is goona take my son and wife to Delhi to their another house.
Thats when i could not hold myself and i knelt down and asked for at-least a chance to reconcil , i told everyone that i just need a chance to work on my marriage and will strive to make more stronger as this incident has let out a good person in me and i know this kind of blunder would not happen again.I even cried as i could not bare the fact that he wanted us to be separated.
After a while my FIL called MIL and my wife inside another room and came back , saying its upto my wife to decide, then my wife said that she is willing to reconcile but only for my mothers sake as she loves my mom and my mom loves her a lot.But, i don't know whether she was true or not there.
Nyways my FIL then said to her if she is willing to reconcile then she should also forget on what i did and never bring that out anymore, where my wife said that not possible to forget right away but it would take time.
So, seems things are going on right direction, i was so happy to meet my son and my wife, though i did not speak with her much, we feed our son together so it was great.After dinner i asked for key to my place which is 15 mins drive away, as my mom and dad were with me , i wanted them to now relax a bit away from may be a lil awkward situation there at my in laws place , where i had made them shameful due to my act.
Now, i feel better that i haven't lost my wife and son yet and broken inside with what i have done to my wife, the pain she went through but i am sure i am goona use everytime i have now to heal my wife and make her the most happiest women, and i will never break her trust and faith again, i will gain her trust back and i know its goona take time.I love her a lot and this incident made me completely a different person..
I want to thank everyone in this forum who challenged me, who made me understand my mistakes , who made me understand the pain of adultery...it was a great support and i would also like to give credit to this forum to get my wife back....
I will keep everyone updated regarding the progress.....


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## karval2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

Don't lie to yourself, that you don't know why you did that... And don't tell your wife bulls*it you dont know why you did that. If you can not name things in their real names, better stay silent.
You did that because of you wanted sex. You wanted adrenaline rusgh, You wanted (name it), whatever. BUT YOU KNOW WHY YOU DID THAT! 

You are so happy that you got your wife back, that looks you are forgetting something... You haven't got her back! You got back her in physical form. Not her heart, soul and TRUST.
The drama fight of getting her back is just going to start. And it will take lots and lots more of you to live it thru. And no one knows will this ever end... And what will be the last tagline....

Truly best wishes to you and your family. Prove to them and to YOURSELF you are a good husband, father and son. Keep yourself strong, focused on your goals and DON'T LIE, EVER. Not a smallest drop.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

you dont she deserves better

you should leave its in her best interest. If you want to gain trust how does one gain what they already destroyed? I suppose i could lie and state to you that you have control of your actions but perhaps with some studying of sciences you can find that you do not.


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## 22989278 (Sep 15, 2012)

Well, it has been roller coaster ride for me, we are together at the moment , she is happy today and very sad the next day...i don't know what to do , have been doing my best to win her trust back and i am sure she knows how remorseful i am but though she gets mad now and then.She also tells me sometimes that she loves me a lot and to never do that again to her.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

This is a rollercoaster of hell. Very normal if you ask. Just persevere, be patient, don't give up, ever. Be there, be supportive, be aviable, hear her, validate her, aspologize. Hopely your job will work eventually.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

22989278 said:


> @AkashNil, why do you think our relation will never be same again? I mean i understand it may take time...
> I am sure it was accidental , coz i was the one who turned on the video lights as it was dark and i also know that video gets recorded when you turn on the lights, i completely forgot that for 3 days...
> My wife does check my phone now and then , that day she was playing around with son taking pics from my phone and thats when she found out....
> Its around midnight here, is it a good idea to txt her? i miss her like anything...


So you turned on the light on a video camera and that recording some how got transferred to your phone?


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