# Commitment Phobia?



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Someone mentioned this to me earlier, and it really has me thinking. I would like ya all's opinion on two different things here regarding CP (commitment phobia). First, what do you believe makes someone afraid of commitment and what are some signs that someone has CP? Second, when someone goes through a divorce or a break up, do you believe they are more likely to be a bit CP towards a new relationship down the road, or just more cautious of things?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

CP could be a result of a traumatic event in the person's past and the collateral fallout that came from such event. What are the signs? Perhaps the most obvious one would be a purposeful distancing from the other person so that no sense of emotional/sexual exclusivity could be made. And another sign is the attempt to minimize the importance of any sexual encounters with the other person.

Yes a divorce, especially an emotional and financial ruinous one, would definitely make some people CP. I've personally known people who after going through a nasty divorce, have vowed never to marry again or get involved in a committed relationship.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I know a guy who is CP because his gf committed suicid. They were teenagers at the time so he struggles even after years of IC. So yeah trama. He even has a hard time having friendships and only has a few ever.


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

A phobia is an irrational, pathological fear. It's not the same as having had your fingers burned, thinking her over and deciding you're not setting yourself up twice.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

lascarx said:


> A phobia is an irrational, pathological fear. It's not the same as having had your fingers burned, thinking her over and deciding you're not setting yourself up twice.
> :iagree:


Probably the main reason I'm on these boards is over the years I haven't really been able to fully commit to another woman after my cheating ex-wife.That's based on nothing irrational whatsoever,but rather my natural instinct to protect myself.

e.g. I might not be afraid of boating,but if I ever survived a horrific boating accident I would probably be very leery of boating again.


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

I guess that sooner or later, I'll start looking around for someone new. But I definitely won't ever put as much of me on the table as I did for my cheating wife, what turned out to my regret. I don't think that's wrong or that I'll be short-changing anyone. I think with experience we learn that it's better not to get star-struck. 

Maybe the best way to put it is that the best partnership is that voluntary one between two people who are also ready to go it alone at the drop of a nickel. Keeps both on their toes and honest. Don't say it from my own experience yet but it seems to make sense.


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