# Grr, revenge is not so sweet.



## free2bboshay (Jun 5, 2013)

My husband is emotionally abusive and very angry.
I am working on getting things set to leave.
Yesterday he got pissed and decided to give me the silent treatment which to me is the hardest thing to handle. We were going to a reception for his niece. I put on the face and was charming and friendly to everyone. He played it up in front of his family but not with me. I went outside and decided I just couldn't play the part anymore and I walked home. 
Bad move, now he is furious and I have made matters so much worse. I blew my plan to stay calm and keep the fires low till I could get things set to go. I have no money and no where to go. 
Now what do I do.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

free2bboshay said:


> My husband is emotionally abusive and very angry.
> I am working on getting things set to leave.
> Yesterday he got pissed and decided to give me the silent treatment which to me is the hardest thing to handle. We were going to a reception for his niece. I put on the face and was charming and friendly to everyone. He played it up in front of his family but not with me. I went outside and decided I just couldn't play the part anymore and I walked home.
> Bad move, now he is furious and I have made matters so much worse. I blew my plan to stay calm and keep the fires low till I could get things set to go. I have no money and no where to go.
> Now what do I do.


I'm not sure I understand fully what you mean by you blew your plan? How did you blow things just by walking home? Or are you meaning you broke down and told him your plan and thats why he is furious?


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Give him the silent treatment back and continue with your plan.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Hopefull363 said:


> Give him the silent treatment back and continue with your plan.


^ This ^

Or, be sugary sweet to him and let him stew.


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## photek (Jun 22, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> ^ This ^
> 
> Or, be sugary sweet to him and let him stew.


^ This ^ can also work pretty well, it will at the very least confuse him


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

You still need to go on with your plan, If your plan is to leave, then you still need to do that. It doesn't matter if he is mad, let him be mad.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Silent treatment is for children.

Don't play into it. 

Talk to him like you normally do and if you don't get an answer just do whatever you were going to do. Maybe have some fun with it. Tell him you're going shopping and you're going to buy lots of expensive things. Tell him that his silence indicates that he has no problem with it.

You have no money and nowhere to go but he has money. 

So get an attorney that will accept your case on a contingency basis- and who will bill your husband for the legal fees. Get divorced and hubby will pay you support and you'll probably get the house too. Then he will have no money and have to find somewhere to live. See what can happen when you're proactive?


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

free2bboshay said:


> My husband is emotionally abusive and very angry.
> 
> 
> Bad move, now he is furious and I have made matters so much worse. I blew my plan to stay calm and keep the fires low till I could get things set to go. I have no money and no where to go.
> Now what do I do.


I am a little worried reading you say, YOU have made matters much worse.

1. It gets worse than emotional abuse and putting up with his anger?

2. Why are you blaming yourself for making things worse? You shouldn't be. He is giving you the silent treatment... what did he expect? you to roll out red carpet for him at the reception?

If he is going to behave that way to you then he has no business being angry with you for the way you need to handle how HE is treating you. 

I like the above posters ideas.... stand up for you and don't let his opinions or reactions make you feel guilty in any way.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

I suggest you have a look into Transactional Analysis. Games People Play and Scripts People Live are good books.

Your husband is playing games with you. The solution is simply not to be drawn in to them.

Good luck


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## psychedelicately (Jun 11, 2013)

CallaLily said:


> You still need to go on with your plan, If your plan is to leave, then you still need to do that. It doesn't matter if he is mad, let him be mad.


:iagree:


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I, too, don't understand how _you _blew it. Your H is emotionally abusive, very angry, yet you think _you _blew it. You've got that all wrong. He blew it. And what revenge? He gives you the silent treatment, you can't take it anymore, you walk home, and you think walking home is revenge. I just don't get it. I think you're been so abused that you don't know what to think anymore.

One thing should be clear to you, though. You MUST leave. There are women's shelters. You don't have a joint bank account with your H? You have no friends/cousins/ any family anywhere in this country?


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## free2bboshay (Jun 5, 2013)

Thank you all so much, reading your posts really made me open my eyes again. You are all right I need to continue with the plan. 
I did nothing wrong, I hate this how I end up feeling like it is all me and that I am the one who did something wrong. You have all made me see things as they really are not through the eyes of the victim.
It has been a horrible 3 days and The horrible days just keep getting worse. I replay all the things he has said the last 3 days and since I have been on this forum and reading I see now that none of what he has said the last 3 days has been true. I hate that I fall for it every time. 
IsGirl3 no, we do not have joint banking accounts, he has just never gotten around to adding me to his account. I have one daughter that is 1800 miles away and just started a new life with a lot of issues of her own. I know she would open her door for me but it would put a huge hardship on her at this point also. 
I just need to pick myself back up and dust myself off and figure this out. As is typical with the abusive spouse everyone else has disappeared from my life. 
I know I can do this, I just need to open my eyes to how.


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