# Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment



## arbitrator

*(A Somewhat Lengthy Read)


This is my second marriage. I(currently)(59) married a woman(55) who had represented herself to be somewhat financially well-off, as I had left my job with the Fed in order to marry and move away with her. Her mantra was that she was so well-off financially(est. @low to mid seven figures) that it would not really require me to work full-time, although I do have a flourishing avocational occupation. We had dated about a year before deciding to tie the knot, and have subsequently been married for some 7+ years. A pre-nuptial agreement had been drawn up and signed prior to the wedding.

She had kids from her previous marriage as did I. Mine, I am proud to say, are very studious, ambitious, and educationally inclined, as they both are honor students; one at a major university and the other at a private school. Her's have always been lazy, being nothing more than problem students and dropouts, choosing to leave school in favor of embracing the drug culture, tattoo emporiums, law enforcement, and ultimately the judicial system. All have records for drug possession with one having actually done time in county incarceration.

She had never given me any notable information or explanation about her finances, nor did I ever make that request as I came to trust her implicitly. I felt that it was not really any of my business. Without hesitation she was always gracious enough upon insisting that she pay for my kids educational expenses to keep them from incurring any student loans. 

In December of 2010, a local girl who was in her early 20's, who my STBXW knew as a contractor that she had employed from time to time, moved into our house at her insistence and my relationship with my STBXW was headed South ever since. My STBXW said that she had invited this girl to move in because she really had nowhere else to live. And from that point in time, my STBXW had little to no time for me, staying on the road.


So in early March, 2011, my STBXW came into my study to annonce to me that she wanted a "trial separation" coinciding with my kids getting out of school for the Spring semester. She intoned that she was now greatly concerned about her finances and could no longer afford to pay the tuition of my secondary school child. However, she said that she would steadfastly continue to financially support my college child with tuition, since she was an alumnus of the college that he attends as a student. She said that this "trial separation" in effect, would allow us to communicate from afar and that we could get together occasionally for a family meal at a local restaurant allowing us to try to work things out between us. She thought that it would be best that I move to a locale about a half-hour away, to the city where my sons college and high school are located, supposedly to cut down on drive time and gasoline expenses.

Now I really do not know if this separation actually stemmed from the stock market heading South, in essence taking a lot of her wealth from her, but she made it abundantly clear that my spending habits, which were primarily for joint household living expenses, and mostly for food, gasoline, liquor for her, bills, pets, and livestock, were not what she wanted. By the same token, it was not uncommon for her to continue to lavish money on her own kids for cars, a separate residence of their own, insurance, tattoos, and to just be there for them whenever they needed to be bailed out of jail or needed money for any legal representation. She highly resented my informing her of whenever I happened to run across overt evidence of drugs, residue, or alcohol in the house that these minors of hers were bringing in both with and without her knowledge. I haven't even mentioned the shady druggies that frequently came by to keep her kids company and to obviously ply their wares.

She wanted my college-aged child to be told of the impending separation almost straight away, but absolutely did not want my secondary school child to have any knowledge of it until such time that he returned from his out-of-state class trip. This was done under the guise that she did not want to jeopardize his good grades, final exams, and class trip to cause him any worry and anxiety. She then physically helped to move the vast majority of our belongings out of the main house into our rent home some 30 miles away in another county where the kids and I now reside. The youngest child actually returned from his class trip and was taken to our "new residence" with little more than an awkward explanation from me.

My STBXW initially did not want any of her family members to have any knowledge of the separation. I honored that, but later discovered that her family had ultimately learned about the separation from her. Since then, I have had virtually no contact with them as well. To date, there has not been as much as a telephone call from my STBXW in these nearly 9 months of separation, much less any of her extended family members. My kids both still think the world of her and have driven over to see her and her extended family members on several occasions and she and my kids stay in touch via telephone and Facebook. But since she had us moved out, she will rarely send a text message or an email to me and then it will only be geared toward business matters, i. e. a bill or some pressing business matter. She randomly shows up at our residence without the slightest notice whenever she is in town, usually with boxes of our clothing or other belongings in tow. She is ultra-cordial and talkative to my sons, but verbally will not give me the time of day. She is truly a physically beautiful woman, and when I see her, it can occasionally make me begin to long for her. But in my heart I know all too well that there is absolutely nothing there but coldness anymore.

Whenever I go back over to our old home to try to retrieve personal items, she gets quite defensive about my presence there without providing her with prior knowledge of my coming. My entire rationale is that if I did inform her of such, she would simply find a reason to either not be there or to answer the door. I still have a lot of my own family's furniture and antiques all acquired through inheritance still there, along with stored clothing and personal effects in the house and also in her warehouse. All too often, when I do show up, there is no one home, newspapers collecting on the front lawn, and the house is securely locked up. Upon my leaving, she took the liberty of removing the house key off of my key ring, but strangely enough, she let my sons retain theirs. I absolutely refuse to even try to enter the house when she is not there for fear of any possible legal ramifications.

She travels both internationally and domestically rather frequently on trips designed to help her monitor her investments in the cities that she has them in. Trips to Asia, Europe, the Carribean and Hawaii are not uncommon. In my marriage years, I never once was asked to accompany her on any of them as she usually went with other friends and business associates of hers. I got to stay home and take care of things while she travelled. And since moving out, I am never informed of any of these trips by her, usually finding out about them from one of my kids.

In early November, she came by late one night shortly after I had gone to bed. She brought over some boxes that the boys helped her bring into our house. Sometime the next afternoon, I also discovered a typed sheet of paper that she had discretely placed listing some minor inventory items with attached monetary values of the goods that she had brought over that evening. Inside that folded paper was a sealed envelope with my name written in her handwriting on the front. After opening it up, I saw that it was a copy of a filed petition for divorce from our original home county where she resides. Although she left the copy of the petition for divorce, according to my attorney, that is still not deemed to be legal service in my state. So until I legally receive proper service, my attorney advises doing nothing for the time being. My STBXW sent out an email in January asking if I had seen the "legal letter" that she left here. Upon advice of counsel, I was told to tell her that I had indeed seen it and was contemplating what steps that I might possibly take. But according to my attorney, that in no way implies legal service in Texas.

It was not uncommon for her to call and invite the boys to her family gatherings such as Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. The boys asked me if they could go, and I agreed that they might enrage her if they didn't since she still throws money their way if they need it. My eldest is still having his college tuition and expenses largely subsidized by her, as well as supplying him with one of her vehicles to drive. He's fearful that if he doesn't stay in lockstep with her requests, that she could ultimately cut them both off. That hurts me nearly as much as my separation and impending divorce from her.

On a very recent trip over to see her, she told the boys that she was leaving to take a Mardi Gras vacation in NO, from Feb. 11 through the 22nd. She told them that a friend was picking her up and driving them to NO. I'm thinking that she is on a cruise out of NO up until the final days of Mardi Gras. I can't help but believe that during this entire episode since my moving out, that she has been busy seeing someone. She has changed her name on FB back to her name when I first met her. I've often thought that she might leak certain details on FB about her lifestyle that I could possibly put in my lawyers hands, but since I do not do FB, that's really not an option. And even if I did, I think she'd restrict me in some way.

The pain from all of this has caused me to greatly lose sleep as I have only managed to average some 4 to 5 hours a night at best while trying to manage the living activities for my sons and me.

I am primarily living off of my Fed retirement as it most difficult these days for a man in his late 50's to get the opportunity to reenter the work force, more especially in this downturned economy of ours. She has even intoned that I could live off of federal assistance. But I was quick to assert that that since I was not yet even eligible for Social Security benefits, that that wasn't even a remote possibilty since we are still deemed to be married in a community property state. Given all of this, I really can see no discernible hope for this marriage. My eldest child feels like he and his brother have been squarely placed between a rock and a hard place, in that if they truly vent their frustrations about the current state of affairs, that the proverbial money and tuition card would be pulled from them. So they both try to empathize with me, but must remain quiet in the whole process of things. I still am having to foot the bill for my youngest son's private school tuition which I don't mind doing at all.

I have tried to immerse myself by becoming busy in joining a local church, but at times, the lonliness seems to get the better part of me. I'm also in the process of selecting a family counselor to have to bounce things off of, as I already have done with my pastor. I just wanted to share my rather lengthy story with you, and see if any of you had any similar circumstances or ideas. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart if you've taken your time to read this far. Best of luck to you all and may our Lord and Saviour richly bless all of you!*


----------



## justwhy

I think you should move on.. she is done.


----------



## southern wife

justwhy said:


> I think you should move on.. she is done.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


----------



## ProfJ

I'm sorry to say, but it looks like you were a novelty for her, and now the novelty has worn off.
She basically bought you by dangling her wealth in front of your face, which led you to leave everything including a job, that would have been your major source of security.
As a woman...no matter how much money we make, we want a guy who will have the ability to assert himself by proving that he can take care of himself and us as well if everything goes South in our finances.
I understand that she swept you off your feet, but that's mostly power trip. (which is wrong, any way you look at it)
Now...her maintaining your children on her payroll is still some sort of powertrip. He's screwed you by ruining your life but you have no other choice but to take it, because she still throws money your kids way. It's a choice now whether you suck it up or do what is legally right, if so...
I hope you have a very good lawyer, who can at least get you a chunk of her wealth, enough for you to live comfortably and support your children as well.
it's cold...but it's all business now.


----------



## arbitrator

ProfJ said:


> I'm sorry to say, but it looks like you were a novelty for her, and now the novelty has worn off.
> She basically bought you by dangling her wealth in front of your face, which led you to leave everything including a job, that would have been your major source of security.
> As a woman...no matter how much money we make, we want a guy who will have the ability to assert himself by proving that he can take care of himself and us as well if everything goes South in our finances.
> I understand that she swept you off your feet, but that's mostly power trip. (which is wrong, any way you look at it)
> Now...her maintaining your children on her payroll is still some sort of powertrip. He's screwed you by ruining your life but you have no other choice but to take it, because she still throws money your kids way. It's a choice now whether you suck it up or do what is legally right, if so...
> I hope you have a very good lawyer, who can at least get you a chunk of her wealth, enough for you to live comfortably and support your children as well.
> it's cold...but it's all business now.



Thanks for your input! Legally speaking, that's what the pre-nup was all about. And it should protect her, other than the willingly co-mingled assets. But in my heart of hearts, I really don't want one red cent of hers~ basically all that I truly desire is to get what possessions that rightfully belong to me out of her house.

One of the biggest problems that I'm encountering right now is that I love the STBXW's extended family dearly: mother, sister, and brother; cousins and friends. My sister-in law texted me on Christmas Day and I replied back by text. No other contact from any of them to speak of. But I'd absolutely love to see all of them again as I think they're laying low primarily out of embarrassment. I've often wondered if I should try to make contact with them at some point in time, albeit by phone call, email, or snail mail.

Going through Valentines Day yesterday was just as rough as Christmas, but I'm trying to get through them one day at a time.


----------



## Shaggy

Sounds like she got herself a new lover and you got pitched out.

Have you thought about hiring a PI?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## isla~mama

You deserve all your possessions out of the house and perhaps some kind of settlement regarding losing your livelihood for the marriage, and also, possibly, a settlement concerning the tuition, since she made a verbal promise to pay for these things. It probably won't make much difference (legally speaking) if she is having an affair or not--I would try not to anguish over this possibility. But if she has the money to buy herself out of the mess she's created, I would accept any settlement she offers. It sounds like she's adept at buying people's friendship. Sorry you went through this. Do try to reach out to her family, the worst they can do is not return your messages. They may not be talking to you much because they don't want disclose her new relationship.


----------



## arbitrator

isla~mama said:


> You deserve all your possessions out of the house and perhaps some kind of settlement regarding losing your livelihood for the marriage, and also, possibly, a settlement concerning the tuition, since she made a verbal promise to pay for these things. It probably won't make much difference (legally speaking) if she is having an affair or not--I would try not to anguish over this possibility. But if she has the money to buy herself out of the mess she's created, I would accept any settlement she offers. It sounds like she's adept at buying people's friendship. Sorry you went through this. Do try to reach out to her family, the worst they can do is not return your messages. They may not be talking to you much because they don't want disclose her new relationship.


There will be no settlement, no contractual agreement on her part as the pre-nup should totally insulate her. And even if it didn't, I would still feel rather dirty taking any money from her. My pastor recommends no initiating of contact with her family until such time that the legal proceedings reach some semblence of completion. I've already set up a counseling session, and definitely not with the one that I went to with my STBXW early last year.


----------



## arbitrator

The strange thing here was even in our final days together, provided she was home and not away on one of her many trips, she still allowed me to kiss her, and there were no arguments. In fact, we had sex up until about 5 weeks prior to my moving out. There had not been any arguments since a meltdown she had had just prior to her declaring that "trial separation." We were cordial, went about our business. A few days after the move-out, she brought some things over to me, and being the affectionate guy that I am, I went to give her a kiss and got turned away quite coldly. I think that that's when reality finally set in and I saw that there was not going to be any kind of reconciliation. Not only was I right in that regard, there has been absolutely no telephonic communication from her. Maybe I wrongly assumed that I would let her be the one to open the door to call me, since she was the one who had abandoned me. I never felt compelled to call her primarily because I just felt that I owed her nothing.

In any event, if an EA ever took place, I feel that it was at some point after I was ordered out of the house. And if there's one going on now, I think she's keeping it pretty well under wraps!


----------



## arbitrator

Have scheduled a meeting tomorrow afternoon with legal counsel, a fairly prominent family attorney, to get the ball rolling on my divorce countersuit. Sitting through church this morning was especially hard, hearing about the power of forgiveness. In my heart, I, as a Christian man, must forgive my STBXW for this nearly one-year unwarrented separation and "cone of silence" that she has brought about. Being the Christian woman that she is supposed to be, I can only hope and pray that time will truly convict her conscience for both her actions and inactions. I've wrestled with this long enough and I feel that it's time that I start getting pro-active in the legal arena. Both my pastor and my family counselor agree that it's definitely time to move on. Just needed to vent. Will keep you all posted of any new developments! Thanks!


----------



## EleGirl

Ask your attorney, but I do believe that she has not right to kick you out of the family home. So when she's on travel just go to where she is living and get your things.

Also have your attorney ask the court to allow you to enter the house and the storage to get any remaining items.

IMHO, she is handling this in the way she has in the hopes that you do not go after her for all that you can get from her.

Good luck on your divorce.


----------



## arbitrator

EleGirl said:


> Ask your attorney, but I do believe that she has not right to kick you out of the family home. So when she's on travel just go to where she is living and get your things.
> 
> Also have your attorney ask the court to allow you to enter the house and the storage to get any remaining items.
> 
> IMHO, she is handling this in the way she has in the hopes that you do not go after her for all that you can get from her.
> 
> Good luck on your divorce.



She's sole owner (on the deed) of the home as per the pre-nup. She took the liberty of removing my house key from my key ring when I was "ordered out." If I should subsequently enter that dwelling without her express permission, then I could be construed as having "broken and entered", a felony offense here in Texas. 

She had promised on several occasions to deliver the balance of my belongings but things got in the way like, "it's too hot to move things" or "it's too cold to move things"; so virtually nothing has happened. Also, our diamond wedding/engagement ring set belonged to my now deceased mom and dad. I'd like to get her bands back as they were family heirlooms handed down to me at their passing. I greatly fear that she'll want to hold on to them for their value. I want them, not for myself, but for either of my sons, when it comes time for them to marry. It appears that the only way I can get my things is going to be via a court order. I think the only thing I can hope for is that we can make her pay for my attorneys fees and all pertaining court costs.


----------



## arbitrator

I just learned from my oldest college-age son that my STBXW has tentatively set up an appointment to have lunch sometime this afternoon with him at a local restaurant, telling him that she'll likely have her mother coming with her. I'm thinking that if her mom is in tow, the meeting should remain fairly civil. Heretofore, she has supposedly never uttered a syllable regarding the divorce petition to either of my sons. While giving them as much disclosure as I possibly can, I have implored my sons, if ever querried about that divorce subject matter, especially by her, to just "play dumb" and pretty much convey to her that "Dad doesn't really talk about it and we know nothing," or quite simply "we really don't want to talk about it."


----------



## arbitrator

Had meeting with attorney today and we got the ball rolling on accepting service of my STBXW's divorce petition. I guess that it's now just a matter of time before her attorney will see the answer that we filed. Maybe I can start getting a little more sleep at night now!


----------



## arbitrator

arbitrator said:


> I just learned from my oldest college-age son that my STBXW has tentatively set up an appointment to have lunch sometime this afternoon with him at a local restaurant, telling him that she'll likely have her mother coming with her. I'm thinking that if her mom is in tow, the meeting should remain fairly civil. Heretofore, she has supposedly never uttered a syllable regarding the divorce petition to either of my sons. While giving them as much disclosure as I possibly can, I have implored my sons, if ever querried about that divorce subject matter, especially by her, to just "play dumb" and pretty much convey to her that "Dad doesn't really talk about it and we know nothing," or quite simply "we really don't want to talk about it."


The meeting between my STBXW and my son never came to fruition as she never called him. Oh, well!


----------



## KanDo

Dude,

Texas is a community property state and you may be entitled to spousal support on an interim basis, depending on what was in the pre-nup. Why do you care about whether she is seeing someone now or not. It has been months and she is moving on. You need to too. Sorry you are here.Don't delay the inevitable. Get a divorce. seek a fair distribution of assets and move on


----------



## arbitrator

Yesterday morning, my STBXW broke the nine month "cone of silence" and called me, jumping my case about some money movements I made within my bank account. I told her to back the truck up a second as I explained the situation. She then, if you can believe this, asked why it was that I had stayed silent over this span of time and not offered any kind of substantive plan of attack with her for reconciliation. My response was that since I was put out on the side of the road like some kind of a stray dog, I didn't feel that one was in order, and if I did it would do me absolutely no good. She then started in on me as to why I had retained legal counsel, since she had filed the original petition for divorce, and that she and her attorney was going "to give me a more than equitable settlement." My stock answer was that I needed legal representation as well and wanted someone there to look out for my interests.

I applauded her for taking the initiative to pick up the phone to call me after all these months telling her that I had started believing that she had emotionally detached herself from me and had found someone else more suitable to her liking. Her response was that the only person that had courted her was "misery," and I jokingly told her that I think that same person had been to my house a few times too.

I told her that since she exercised the initiative to finally make contact with me, I would extend the olive branch and wanted her to make a plan to go back into IC then MC with me, with each of us drawing up a list of expectations of the other and then attempting to iron things out before the counselor. Told her that I still loved her, but didn't like what she had done. She said that in her heart, she felt like maybe "we really loved each other, but didn't need to be married to each other," but that she would have to "consider it," saying that she would get around to giving me an answer later.

I followed that up with a very long letter to her last night accepting the blame for some of her troubles but also reitterated my verbal stance from the earlier telephone conversation. She, as of this moment, still has not replied to the letter or has called me back. My attorney said that she would temporarily suspend activity on the filing other than making an answer to the STBXW's original petition.

I'm still somewhat leary of holding out a lot of hope, in that statistically, the longer a separation goes on, the more diminished the chances are for any genuine reconciliation. 

To that end, should I just set a definitive timeframe on the receipt of an answer from her on my verbal proposal, and then go "full steam ahead?". Or do you really think that she might be just buying time for some unknown reason and just playing me along?


----------



## Mamatomany

arbitrator said:


> I told her that since she exercised the initiative to finally make contact with me, I would extend the olive branch and wanted her to make a plan to go back into IC then MC with me, with each of us drawing up a list of expectations of the other and then attempting to iron things out before the counselor. Told her that I still loved her, but didn't like what she had done. She said that in her heart, she felt like maybe "we really loved each other, but didn't need to be married to each other," but that she would have to "consider it," saying that she would get around to giving me an answer later.
> 
> I followed that up with a very long letter to her last night accepting the blame for some of her troubles but also reitterated my verbal stance from the earlier telephone conversation. She, as of this moment, still has not replied to the letter or has called me back. My attorney said that she would temporarily suspend activity on the filing other than making an answer to the STBXW's original petition.
> 
> I'm still somewhat leary of holding out a lot of hope, in that statistically, the longer a separation goes on, the more diminished the chances are for any genuine reconciliation.
> 
> To that end, should I just set a definitive timeframe on the receipt of an answer from her on my verbal proposal, and then go "full steam ahead?". Or do you really think that she might be just buying time for some unknown reason and just playing me along?



Hoping for you too!

Are you in IC? 

I personally have set personal deadlines just for me to re-evaluate the situation. Giving her a verbal deadline may not be the best idea yet, if she is considering it.


----------



## arbitrator

Mamatomany said:


> Hoping for you too!
> 
> Are you in IC?
> 
> I personally have set personal deadlines just for me to re-evaluate the situation. Giving her a verbal deadline may not be the best idea yet, if she is considering it.


With no deadline of any kind given to my STBXW, I just got an email reply from her very early this morning to effect of absolutely "no reconciliation." STBXW went on to call me a "thief" for my moving of money in my bank account to help pay for bills and whatnot. She also attached a 6 year spreadsheet alleging that the amount that I now owed her for everything over the course of our 7 + year marriage, by her own estimates as being in the neighborhhod of some 250K. I knew that she had been "concerned" about her financial status, but I had absolutely no idea that "the meter had been running on me for the duration of our marriage and even into the present.

I greatly am beginning to feel as if there was never any love in her heart for me, even at the outset; but rather only a love for her financial status and her finstats. I can only hope that she, in time, will come to re-establish her relationship with Christ and truly place priority on the more important things in life, more especially love. I both love her, and feel sorry for her simultaneously. But with the absence on her part to even vaguely want to begin work on the fostering of communication in the reconciliatory process and coupled with her statement saying that reconciliation is not an option for her, I've asked my attorney to move on ahead with the divorce proceedings and with all deliberate speed. 

And yes, I'm definitely in IC and am forwarding everything to my attorney, my pastor, as well as to my IC. Please continue to stay in prayer for us, guys!


----------



## ProfJ

Sending prayers your way, Arbitrator...Hope everything goes well.


----------



## Mt. Wife

Hang in there


----------



## arbitrator

Having extended the olive branch to her in making a proposition trying to get her to agree to start joint verbal dialogue before our IC/MC; and after she stated verbally that she would "consider it," less than 18 hours later, I received an email from my STBXW, stating that reconciliation was not even a remote possibility along with a copy of the proposed final decree of divorce attached that her attorney had drawn up for her. She also proposed letting me off of the hook by paying her only 60K of the allegedly owed 250K(by her own figures) that could be paid to her in monthly increments with 6% interest. 

Quite frankly, by summer, I could well be very close to being financially insolvent. Is being poor any kind of a defense to being raked over the coals of a pre-nup? She seems rather antzy in wanting to get this done ASAP. Some third party friends/acquaintances thought that she had reeked financial havoc on her first husband that she divorced as he was quite wealthy. Now that she married what amounts to be a poor man by comparison in me, it would appear that she's using the prenup as the same _modus operandi_.

I've always heard of "black widows" before, but could there really be another variety of arachnid aptly called a "green widow?"


----------



## arbitrator

Spring Break: Got both boys home and everything was very pleasant until oldest one got back from a side trip to see the STBXW. He had actually taken his little brother to visit a college in a nearby county, then the side trip to STBXW's home; and he came home somewhat moody, mildly blaming me for everything. We got into a mild argument and out of anger, I told him that he appeared to be taking sides with his step-mom. His response was something to the effect of "well, that's better than taking sides with some of the locals opposed to her!" I also discovered that she had sent him home with one of my mantle clocks.

It's beyond heart-breaking to have my own son now seemingly turning against me and giving me the silent treatment.

And to add insult to injury, earlier this AM, I was astonished to discover that STBXW, who is supposedly financially well-heeled, took the liberty of moving/transferring some $1,500.00 out of my bank account(accounts tied together) and into hers. It's really starting out as being the beginning of a terrible day!


----------



## happyman64

Arbitrator,

Your wayward wife is pretty evil. It is like she is charging you for the marriage.

Have an attorney respond with a similar invoice for $500,000.00.

It should be for abandonment and and a few other charges you can think of like mental anguish.

Be creative.

Do not settle for being broke even with a prenup.

What a *****. She cheats, calls you to ***** at you after ignoring for 9 months and then gets your boy upset.

Fight, fight, fight and then divorce the evil one!!

Good Luck Buddy,

HM64


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arbitrator,
> 
> Your wayward wife is pretty evil. It is like she is charging you for the marriage.
> 
> Have an attorney respond with a similar invoice for $500,000.00.
> 
> It should be for abandonment and and a few other charges you can think of like mental anguish.
> 
> Be creative.
> 
> Do not settle for being broke even with a prenup.
> 
> What a *****. She cheats, calls you to ***** at you after ignoring for 9 months and then gets your boy upset.
> 
> Fight, fight, fight and then divorce the evil one!!
> 
> Good Luck Buddy,
> 
> HM64


Thanks, HM64! Your advice is much like that of a friend of mine who is a retired prosecutor from South Texas. He thought that there was a tad too much co-mingling of the assets to satisfy the pre-nup laws here in Texas. To that end, he recommended telling her attorney to let each of us go our separate ways with what we have; or that we were, in effect, going to attempt to legally "bust" the pre-nup, which could take some 18-24 months to do with all the discovery motions of her overt as well as covert assets(data that she, no doubt, would prefer that no one would get the opportunity to see), thereby staving off any final decree of divorce for the forseeable future. The divorce was filed in a small rural county where just about everybody knows everybody and it could get to be locally "newsworthy", at least by the local media. His thought process was that STBXW would definitely not want to go that route as she greatly values her freedom and privacy, for whatever reason, and wants it given back to her post haste.

It good to see that great minds think alike! Thanks for all of your support!


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

Does she still have access to any joint accounts?

Our joint account has about $100.00 in it.

I keep it that way.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> Does she still have access to any joint accounts?
> 
> Our joint account has about $100.00 in it.
> 
> I keep it that way.



STBXW asked that I vacate the account ASAP and open my own. Same advice from my attorney when we saw that STBXW could move money freely from one account to another. Long story short, STBXW insisted on having my bank account, my son's, and her kids accounts all umbrellaed under hers so that she could freely transfer money to any of those accounts as she saw fit. Which was not a problem until quite recently when she moved better than $1,500.00 from mine and into hers. So now, upon the advice of counsel, I'm keeping that account intentionally low until my next retirement disbursement comes and then I'll open up my own account.

I thought that just changing my password on my account would prevent her from nosing around or even being able to make transactions from my account, but I was greatly mistakened. So I'll be leaving that account with probably $0.01 left as its balance when I vacate it.

She still is the executor of my 401k provided I die anytime soon and I can't change that until such time that the gavel actually falls, declaring us legally divorced. It's either that, or she would have to willingly waive her right to do that. But in any event, her executor status gives her absolutely no access nor right to those funds usage much less their disclosure unless, God forbid, that I kick the bucket. Ultimately, I would like to have my oldest son placed into that executor's position.


----------



## arbitrator

Got an email from my attorneys office with an attachment from my STBXW's attorney with some 25 pages of discovery documents, all of it dealing with my financial info. About the only thing I can give them is my drivers license, passport, and some of my 401k info. Any other info. is sitting right there in STBXW's house, under her nose that I can't get access to. The rest of it is totally non-existant.

Guess I can answer those questions with, "just have the wife look up in the attic or somewhere in her files" or "I'll be more than happy to oblige; just allow me a week to come over there and do an unsupervised and unassisted search!"


----------



## arbitrator

Update: Had to travel to old hometown earlier today for a Church related function with two good friends from my local church. Spent the afternoon at a convocation there, having dinner at a local eatery there. Following dinner, we toured the town passing by the big home that STBXW and I lived in(she's still there) and it pretty much broke my heart. Not exactly from missing her, though. Saw STBXW's vehicle parked in the driveway along with another unidentified vehicle parked streetside.

The grass had been allowed to grow up in excess of 18 inches tall. I mean the place looked like it was being readied for Halloween. I know she has a riding tractor mower as well as a self-propelled mower to do the upkeep with, and it just literally rips my heart out to see the place in that obvious state of dishevelment. I don't know if she has let it get in that shape due to depression or what, but I understand that she still stays gone from home a great deal. So I really don't know what the problem might be.

I'll be keeping myself rather busy in attempting to get my answers ready and completed for her set of interrogatories and document production by tomorrow. Please continue to keep us in your prayers!


----------



## arbitrator

STBXW called college aged son(mine from previous marriage) yesterday requesting yet another lunch date to discuss his college tuition that she is willingly fronting, as well as his personal income taxes. My son met with her and came back home, but seemed to be intentionally vague when I queried him about their lunchtime discussion.

As his father, should I just let sleeping dogs lie, or do I have any kind of right to know what is actually being discussed between the two of them, in light of the somewhat contentious nature of our divorce proceedings?


----------



## Conrad

Could you be a bit more specific?

How vague?


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Could you be a bit more specific?
> 
> How vague?


Conrad: "Vague" in that my son doesn't really want to disclose any of the details of their conversation, kind of like he's sworn to secrecy. To my questions of what was said, he simply replies, "Dad, don't worry about it."

I really don't think that she's bleeding any of the details of the divorce proceedings to him, but I know that as an alumnus of the university that my son goes to, STBXW feels a certain commitment to help him out financially and otherwise. And as a part of that loyalty on her part, I really don't know if she is demanding his silence to me on those details between she and him. And there's also the distinct possibility that she may well be pumping him for information on my legal activities regarding those same divorce proceedings.

Or should I even be concerned at all on what conversations that they choose to enter into?


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> Conrad: "Vague" in that my son doesn't really want to disclose any of the details of their conversation, kind of like he's sworn to secrecy. To my questions of what was said, he simply replies, "Dad, don't worry about it."
> 
> I really don't think that she's bleeding any of the details of the divorce proceedings to him, but I know that as an alumnus of the university that my son goes to, STBXW feels a certain commitment to help him out financially and otherwise. And as a part of that loyalty on her part, I really don't know if she is demanding his silence to me on those details between she and him. And there's also the distinct possibility that she may well be pumping him for information on my legal activities regarding those same divorce proceedings.
> 
> Or should I even be concerned at all on what conversations that they choose to enter into?


Does he know anything that can hurt you in the divorce?


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Does he know anything that can hurt you in the divorce?


I've remained squeaky clean during the process during the process, as is my normal_ modus operandi_. She however, has some question marks and it could well be questions of how much of her activities that I am acutely aware of.


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> I've remained squeaky clean during the process during the process, as is my normal_ modus operandi_. She however, has some question marks and it could well be questions of how much of her activities am I acutely aware of.


I'd just ask him if she wanted to discuss the divorce.

Make him look you in the eye when he answers.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> I'd just ask him if she wanted to discuss the divorce.
> 
> Make him look you in the eye when he answers.


I did that earlier tonight and he said that they only covered the topics of college and tuition and was summarily promised help with his forthcoming tuition for the summer and fall semesters.

I love the kid because I feel that he is beyond honest, and I get the distinct impression that he resents the hell out of having to ask her for any financial help, primarily because of our situation, and him feeling somewhat "disloyal" to his old man! I think that a lot of his pent up anger over the situation often is conveyed over to me.

He's an absolutely great kid and I trust him implicitly! He truly is one of God's many blessings directed toward me!


----------



## katze

I honestly wish you the best with what you are going through. I can't imagine how tough it is to go through divorce but I think all will work out for you. Things do happen for a reason.  It is just a new beginning for you.


----------



## arbitrator

Thanks, Katze! It's greatly a living testament of what wealth can do to the psyches of some people! Sad, but true!


----------



## OldWolf57

Keep your head up Arb., You know HE doesn't give us more than we can bear. By that same token, HE help those that help themselves. Tax reasons are what she see helping your sons, not much she spends on her own kids can be deducted, this woman is all about the dollar. Her blood runs green and botom lines She may even be telling your son that you cheated on her with the friend that she moved in. He may see you moving out and not causing a ruckus as it being true. He know nothing of the woman you now know to be a cold balance sheet.


----------



## arbitrator

OldWolf57 said:


> Keep your head up Arb., You know HE doesn't give us more than we can bear. By that same token, HE help those that help themselves. Tax reasons are what she see helping your sons, not much she spends on her own kids can be deducted, this woman is all about the dollar. Her blood runs green and botom lines She may even be telling your son that you cheated on her with the friend that she moved in. He may see you moving out and not causing a ruckus as it being true. He know nothing of the woman you now know to be a cold balance sheet.


Thanks, Wolf! Don't think my oldest son would quite fall for that one as this girl is roughly his age; in fact, they actually attended JUCO at the same school, his first semester there. I wouldn't hardly give this girl the time of day as she was brought in to specifically train horses out at the farm. But my main concern is what STBXW might be specifically telling her extended family members about me, since I've had absolutely no contact from any of them other than a mailed "thank-you" card from my MIL. Now STBXW still sees both boys and interacts with them on FB. In fact, the youngest is now at her house as he was trying out for a part in their local community theatre there in our old hometown.

The boys are reticent to do or say anything adverse due to the possibility she might cut them off monetarily. But college wise, the younger one has earned him an academic scholarship and shouldn't need any help from her. 

Now me? Well, let's just say that she would gladly love to see me placed on the welfare rolls! But my attorney is considering going after the prenup and having it declared "unconsciable." And if successful, it would then turn most everything into a community property situation, and might make negotiation a far more attractive and viable option for her.


----------



## happyman64

> Now me? Well, let's just say that she would gladly love to see me placed on the welfare rolls! But my attorney is considering going after the prenup and having it declared "unconsciable." And if successful, it would then turn most everything into a community property situation, and might make negotiation a far more attractive and viable option for her.


Go for it Arb. I luv to see prenup's turned upside down on a person like your stbxw!!!

HM64


----------



## Unendinglove

Anyone out there? I need you!


----------



## arbitrator

Today started well then turned crappy! STBXW brought youngest son back from her town where he had spent the past couple of days trying out for the "little theatre" troupe there.

Well he walked through the door announcing that he was home and said, "Hey, Dad: ____ just had me unload a bunch of boxes with your stuff in it out in the garage." I asked if she was still there and he said that she was in a hurry and took off already.

She never announces her presence or even what she's planning on doing. I certainly could have waited on these boxes. I mean, they've been with her for better than a year now. Can't quite see what a few more months would hurt. If she really wanted to do something useful, she could have moved the furniture that I had inherited from my parents that is old, quite nice, and supplies that big old house of "hers"~ (just ask her, she'll tell you!)~ with all of its ambience and charm!

But what really got me PO'd the most was that my youngest son said that she had him packing boxes and loading those heavy things out to her pickup truck for transport. So I guess that there was an ulterior motive, after all, in having him come over for a day or two other than for having him stay with her, certainly out of the sheer goodness of her heart!


----------



## happyman64

Arb,

Did you really expect any better from the biotch!

Keep moving forward and find an attorney worth their salt to make her fantasy life a little nightmare.

HM64


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arb,
> 
> Did you really expect any better from the biotch!
> 
> Keep moving forward and find an attorney worth their salt to make her fantasy life a little nightmare.
> 
> HM64


Happy:

Got a great, fairly-prominent, female attorney representing me~ think one of the main reasons that she actually took the case is that she absolutely despises STBXW's counsel and seems to have a pretty good track record against the guy. So we'll see how it all plays itself out.

But what royally pi$$es me off to no end is that she had my youngest over there packing boxes with my belongings, when he could have been doing something for himself somewhere. Trust me, my counsel will find out what transpired and will not exactly be all that thrilled about it!


----------



## arbitrator

*Recent Development*: STBXW has "invited" a woman from a Scandanavian country to our former home in order to help her out with ranch and farm work. In fact, she arrived here just late last week.

Youngest son has been doing some summer work earning college money, for a retired church friend of mine in the same town where we used to live. He has actually been staying with STBXW some during this process, and does little theatre rehearsals at night there. In all of this time, there is still no communication of any kind from her, not that I'm expecting any.

According to him, he met the woman. He says that she is only 21 years old and is supposed to be conversant with farm and ranch and equestrian work. I wasn't acutely aware that they had that kind of work in far northern Europe.

I do know that the last girl that she moved in was about that same age, but they supposedly had a "falling out" sometime last fall. FB acquaintances inform me that STBXW is talking about European, Asian, and Australian trips in the not too distant future. So I'm taking it that she brought this girl in to take up the slack of the farm work.

Either that, or she just seems to have a thing for young working farm women! Right now, I'm somewhat inclined to have my attorney strike with something just as soon as she is out of the country again!


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

Set phasers on stun.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> Set phasers on stun.


Conrad: I was actually entertaining the procurement of a court order allowing me to go into the residence to retrieve the balance of my physical property(furniture/clothing/incidentals, et. al.) while the house is being baby-sitted by her live-in during STBXW's absence as those international trips of hers can take anywhere from 10-14 days to complete.

The only items that I cannot get to would be the jewelry items that are supposed to be locked up in a house safe. But I can have the court order specify a date by which those items need to be surrendered/conveyed to me.

In any event, I plan on having the court send a deputy to intervene during the process. And I'm thinking that it might actually make her lawyer show up from another city and milk her for $350/hour for his services for as long as I'm there. And being the ever-safety conscious type of guy that I am, I can be real slow moving stuff down those stairwells. Heck, I may even have to make 2 or 3 trips over there to get it all.


----------



## MilitaryWifeAK

Your situation sound a lot like mine.

Currently separated 16 months. Husband is active-duty military with a position where he does NOT want anybody to know about our "separation." I asked him to make it legal, and he refused.

I moved out of state (no invitation to join him at his new duty station with our son) to take care of my elderly parents. Even with all the stress that goes along with care, he hasn't called in the six months I've been here. Emails were weekly, friendly things until I sent him the "I can't hold you against your will--you're free to go if you want out" email. That was a month ago today!

He is emotionally distant and, according to my counselor, narcissistic! When he married me, he said he "worshiped the ground I walked on." I raised his four children after his divorce and have been available to them through five military deployments of his. He is distant from the children, too, and doesn't go out of his way to contact them. When they contact him, they tell me he "sure does want to get off the phone as quickly as possible."

We are both educated with professional degrees. I can't believe I fell for this--at times I feel like a complete loser. When he told me early on in our relationship that "I'll divorce you, if you ever get fat", I thought he was joking. I didn't grow up with any kind of weight problem whatsoever. He also used to joke with me (so I thought) about marrying me, saying "If it hadn't been you, it would have been somebody else."

So, I'm hanging on for another year or so not knowing if he's genuinely interested in working on our marriage or not. He has dropped hints of positivity and then recoiled with negativity. I think some of this may have to do with midlife crisis--impending retirement, unfulfilled in marriage, some health issues, no relationship with his children, etc. My dad is very wise and said he thinks our relationship is in the back of my husband's mind right now and that he is trying to focus on retirement and all the feelings that go along with it.

Any interpretation from a male point of view is appreciated. I'm an extravert; he's an introvert. Couples with the emotional distance, I have no answers and don't know where I stand. I've learned that men speak with their actions, not words. I just feel so stuck!!


----------



## arbitrator

MilitaryWifeAK: There are definitely some similarities there. But mine, at least by my perception, is more about her money than anything else. Read the running litany of events. It made me think that there's the presence of another guy, but after all of this, I'm not real sure. Earlier today, we were directed to drop my son off at STBXW's daughter's house. It was rather interesting that STBXW's vehicle was neither at her daughter's house, or even at her own house! Other times, it has certainly been OK for him to be dropped off at STBXW's abode as she has told him that she has left the doors unlocked for him. But strangely enough, not this time!

Have you or your husband filed any actions yet. And if so, what state would have jurisdiction? I sympathize with what you're going through. But look after those kids~ heck, he ain't exactly doing it and you may be the only vestige of parenting that those kids have.

Trust me! He will truly reap the rewards from all of the seeds of discord that he has so richly sowed with you and those kids over the years of your marriage. I truly wish you well, my dear!


----------



## MilitaryWifeAK

Arbitrator: Thanks! You really seem to understand what's going on. I did read through your entire posting and caught on to the money issue in your situation, but I think I totally latched on to the things in your situation that mirror the things in my situation!

You're right about reaping the "reward" from the "seeds of discord." I just hate it for the kids. It's bad enough for me, but their biological mother abandoned them, and not it seems that their father is abandoning them, too. They're all adults except for our teenaged son, together, and it still hurts them.

We want to reach out to him, but he won't let us near him. My visit to his new duty station left me feeling more alone than when I really AM alone, as he informed me ahead of time that I would be sleeping in the guest room. He made no advances to me whatsoever, and a part of me feels as though he may have moved on, emotionally.

Thanks again for your encouragement. I only wish there was someone I could tell the whole story to and get the most truthful response possible. Maybe, sometime...


----------



## MilitaryWifeAK

Oh, I didn't respond to the filing of any actions. He told me to "be ready at the end of this tour", and his position will not lend itself to divorce. (I can't give out any more information than that.) He wants me to get what I'm "due" from the military benefit side of things, and being married a full 20 years will do that. 

What does this mean for me? It means I'm married for another 12-24 months (depending on whether he files at 20 years or at the end of this tour), it means I continue to live day to day not knowing what's truly going on (he won't open up), it means I continue to work on the marriage alone (he isn't "in the right frame of mind" for counseling right now).

He has said "when I get my head together, we can work on the other things." Not sure what that means, but I won't file for D. I want to fight for the marriage. It's a horrible thing not to be wanted. I was adopted as an infant and have lived with the "bane" of being unwanted all my life. This sucks!!


----------



## arbitrator

I truly feel for you, AK, and know what kind of predicament you must be in. If he isn't, in the least bit, interested in holding on to your marriage, then in all fairness, why should you? It is rather evident that he is employing the same mantra as my STBXW did~ emotional and physical abandonment, plain and simple; and it really makes me wonder if he isn't involved in either an EA or a PA with possibly some other woman.

You deserve far better, but I admire you for your Christian principles in fighting for your marriage! You are to be lauded for that! But there might well come a point in time when you will come to realize that you might have just been spinning your wheels. In any event, just look after the emotional welfare of those kids because you are truly their lifeline~ as it's certainly not him! Put your trust in God and pray often about it. He will not put any more on your shoulders than you can possibly bear.

As all of my TAM compadres will richly tell you, "we're so sorry to see you here, but you've absolutely come to the right place!" Not only will we try to convey useful advise to you in your situation, but maybe you can do the same for some of us. After all, the "give and take" of social therapy does us all some inherent good, whether we're on the giving or the receiving end.

God bless you my dear, and continue to look out for those kids! And we'll be here for you if you should ever need us!

You'll fastly remain in my prayers!


----------



## arbitrator

*Update*:

Learned second-hand from youngest son that STBXW is taking off for a three week vacation somewhere on the East Coast. Left yesterday. She gave my 18 year old son permission to stay in her house with her recently acquired 21 year old lady ranch hand attendant from Europe. Can't say that I'm wild about that.

Then my son informs me that he is going "sky-diving" with one of STBXW's convict kids who was arrested for possessing and doing drugs and what not, and crap hit the fan. Son told me that he was going no matter what, and further told me that just because I hated STBXW and her kids didn't mean that he didn't like them. 

I told him I didn't want him running around with dopeheads like STBXW's kids were, and demanded that he not go with them. If he wanted to go with a church, youth, or academic group who shows responsibility, then I might reconsider it. I asked if STBXW was paying for it, and he said "no," that he was. I told him that money would be better used for his academics at college this fall, and I got the old "it's my money~ I'll do as I please response." I then told him that if he went, that I'd cut him off and would have some influence on him possibly losing his summer job over it, in addition to threatening him with moving back home with his natural mother. He said it made do difference, that he was going, no matter what.

I talked to my oldest son who agreed with me and offered to counsel his little brother. He told him he should use better judgement in who to associate with and that my STBXW's kids were not the type.

Don't know if I came down too hard on him, but he was mad at me for the duration of yesterday, but has been in a rather pleasant mood this morning.

On another note, a mutual friend of mine and STBXW who does FB, alerted me that there was a photo posting in her montage of a couples shot with her and the OM lovingly posing next to each other back in February over in NOLA during Mardi Gras. This was a friend and co-worker of STBXW's now deceased husband and hers. I now remember having met this guy back in early 2011 when he came to town to pay her a visit in our home under fairly innocent pretenses. He wasn't there even an hour as she was busy showing him our historical home while I remained busy working in the study. 

FYI, her FB marital status is still listed as "divorced," as it has been for a little better than a year now. The sad fact of the matter is that we haven't even had our first scheduled hearing in court yet.

Well anyway, it was just weeks later after this guys "initial" visit when she asked me for the "trial separation!"

I think that I've been doing relatively well preparing for the eventuality of court and I also know that I've, and with a lot of success, done the 180 on her(and, obviously, she on me). But after having seen that photo and making the associations, it really just rips my heart out and makes me want to lose faith in mankind!


----------



## bandit.45

She's evil.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pidge70

bandit.45 said:


> She's evil.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

Deep inside, you had to know it was something like this.

Her "trial separation" was a thinly veiled smoke screen to pursue her fantasy with posOM.

So much of your story really didn't make any sense until this revelation. I do feel for you.

Hang in there.


----------



## arbitrator

Thanks, Conrad, Bandit, and Pidge, for your care and concern for me as well as for the boys.

I'd really love to contact STBXW's family, who I really deeply care for, just as they seemed to care about me; but legal counsel has ruled that out at this particular point in time! Getting the 180 from her is no problem~ but from her folks, who showed me and my sons family love and compassion, is conversely, quite torturing!


----------



## arbitrator

It just now dawned on me of an occurence with my STBXW way back in our "dating days" a couple of years prior to our marriage. At that particular point in time, she was divorced from her ex-husband who was rehabbing from alcoholism and living in his own home some 25 miles from her.

We were going out on a date that evening, but she said that she had to drop her kids off at his house since where we were going was located in his vicinity. I objected because I knew that he was crushed by her one-sided divorce from him and told her to take the kids over there and just come back and get me. She called me a "baby" and told me to go on along as it would save us so much more time. 

Even though he was supposedly a very docile guy despite his alcoholic malady, I thought that my presence would hurt him so very much. I went on along, and she steered the vehicle right into his driveway where he had to have had clear view of me. I never felt so ill at ease in all of my life. I sternly told her to never ever subject me to that ever again. But she seemed so unmoved by it, telling me that I needed to be confrontational every once in a while.

Sad thing was that about a year later after we became engaged, his alcoholism finally killed him.

Hindsight always being 20/20, I should have pulled up stakes at that point and moved on to more worthwhile endeavors. That whole experience illustrates how she seems to get a rise out of hurting people. I guess that I am just far too trusting!

Now, I can fully understand what I feel that her true _modus_ _operandi_ really is!


----------



## happyman64

Arb,

Your WW is a bi*ch!

You should reach out to her family.

Ask them if they can let you into the house so you can get your stuff while she is away.

Mention the facebook "divorced" status to them and remind them you have not even gone to court yet.

Or better yet maybe the sheriff can give you access since you are technically married.

Again I feel for you but stop thinking about her. You knew she was cheating.

The only good thing is she is paying for your kids education out of guilt.

I do hope she does not charge that to you in the D proceedings.

Stay strong. The lady definitely has a screw loose.

HM64


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arb,
> 
> Your WW is a bi*ch!
> 
> You should reach out to her family.
> 
> Ask them if they can let you into the house so you can get your stuff while she is away.
> 
> Mention the facebook "divorced" status to them and remind them you have not even gone to court yet.
> 
> Or better yet maybe the sheriff can give you access since you are technically married.
> 
> Again I feel for you but stop thinking about her. You knew she was cheating.
> 
> The only good thing is she is paying for your kids education out of guilt.
> 
> I do hope she does not charge that to you in the D proceedings.
> 
> Stay strong. The lady definitely has a screw loose.
> 
> HM64


Would like to see her folks but until my attorney gives me the legal "all-clear," that's not possible. Since I do not do FB, I do not really want to identify my FB source of info, as I may need help there as proceedings loom. But it does make me think about opening up a FB account of my own. Would there be any investigative benefits in doing that? Please feel free to let me have any of your thought processes on that particular subject matter!

I don't think she'd charge back any educational expenses on collegiate son. The prep school son's senior year was funded by me, but she could go try to go back on me for his sophomore and junior years.

Legal counsel seems to think that she's living a pipe dream in getting anything from me primarily because (1) she volunteered to pay for it without the full execution of a repayment contract, and (2) I do not have the monetary assets nor the longetivity of life expectancy to pay her back. According to Texas law, if a prenup, no matter how well-intentioned it is, leaves one of the partners in a destitute or near-destitute state, then it can be deemed to be "unconsciable" and can well render it to be invalid, in effect busting the prenup and thus opening up the door to litigating the division of property under community property rules. She could make no claims against my inherited property, just as I could make no claim on any of her existing personal property acquired prior to marriage.

In essence, I don't really want anything of hers, community property or otherwise! But I would stringently allow it to be used strictly as an instrument of negotiation.


----------



## keko

Adultery makes a decent difference in Texas right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

keko said:


> Adultery makes a decent difference in Texas right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not entirely! Texas is one of those newfangled "no fault" divorce states. Since we have the presence of a pre-nup, it will fall under those guidelines. However, if my attorney has the prenup declared "unconsciable" because its implementation would leave one of the marriage partners either destitute or near-destitution, then the presiding judge can invalidate it(break it), and then declare community property division. If that were to happen, then my attorney could petition for an "at-fault" hearing, which under those guidelines would allow for any evidence of infidelity to be admitted. Right now, STBXW already has 7 figures assets, and is demanding anywhere from 65K to 250K from me, who has neither! So we may very well be going the "Unconsciable Prenup" route!


----------



## keko

For the pre-nup had you consulted an attorney at the time you signed it? Or was the signing date very close to the wedding date? I've read judges usually throw them away in those two cases.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

keko said:


> For the pre-nup had you consulted an attorney at the time you signed it? Or was the signing date very close to the wedding date? I've read judges usually throw them away in those two cases.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It was signed roughly a month before. By my lawyer(now deceased) and hers. I had more funds then since I had been working for the Fed and retired to marry her; and did not work anything other than my avocational duties as well as her assigned farm duties, all at her insistence.

The present prenup would pretty much place me out on the street with a meager 401k, my inherited family's antique furniture and jewelry; and personal clothing and belongings. Now STBXW used my Mom and Dad's diamond-studded wedding rings as well as my Mom's diamond solitaire, that I inherited from their estate. She hasn't quite yet seen fit to part with those. Under Texas property division rules, if I inherit anything, it would be "off-limits" to STBXW, just as her personal property would be off-limits to me.

My conception of a pre-nup, if you will, has always been that it's primary purpose is to keep the poorer wedding partner from laying claim to the wealthier partners assets. In addition to that, STBXW seemingly is using it to try to feather her own nest, by trying to fastly suck blood out of a turnip bank that has no real literal funding!


----------



## happyman64

Well Arb now you really know what a vampire she really is.

And the vows did not mean much to her. She thinks she is one of the entitled few.

I do hope this info helps you or your attorney.

Do you know who the OM is? Can you name him in the divorce?

I feel your pain but keep moving forward.

HM64


----------



## pidge70

I'm so sorry Arb.......(((BIG HUGS)))


----------



## bandit.45

I'm sorry it went down this way Arb. You trusted your gut and you were proven right. I imagine your lawyer will not want this made known and mess up the case on the pre-nup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> I'm sorry it went down this way Arb. You trusted your gut and you were proven right. I imagine your lawyer will not want this made known and mess up the case on the pre-nup.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yesterday was rather hellish after having received this information. There are very few, if any people, however, that I can actually trust with this information, to talk with them about it.

It's really just a crap shoot if it would ever be used by my legal counsel other than possibly as a negotiation tool. My main question is:

Once the ink is signed on the divorce decree, would any of you advocate letting members of STBXW's family know exactly what came down? Her mom is in her 80's and is in delicate health. Personally, I don't think that she needs to know because of her health situation. But if she ever did find out, then I feel rather certain that there might well be a few changes made to her will possibly even disinheriting STBXW, or at least diminishing her proceeds.

I was thinking of sitting down with her brother, with the evidence in hand and letting him see the irrefutable evidence for himself, then simply let him be the messenger to her family.

Another primary question of importance is whether or not I share this newfounded information with my own sons, either before proceedings commence, or after the ink is dried on the decree. 

All of your heartfelt advice would be sincerely appreciated!


----------



## Conrad&Janie

Arb,

Whatever you need to do.

Only you can weight the pros and cons.

She is still financially supporting some of your kids stuff.

How much is that worth to you?

Is it worth your self-respect?


----------



## bandit.45

I would get what you can in the divorce and then expose her big time: family, friends and a nice post copied out to all her FB friends. Then sit back and enjoy watching her plug the holes in the ****.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

And the biggest question is :Should I let my STBXW know that I have knowledge of all of the gory details dating back to 2010? And: Would you recommend that I consider getting a blood test of some type, knowing that she was sharing OM and me simultaneously for a while, although I haven't had relations with her or anyone since early May, 2011. And I have had no discernible symptoms of anything since then, although, at times, I just feel dirtier than hell!


----------



## Conrad&Janie

arbitrator said:


> And the biggest question is :Should I let my STBXW know that I have knowledge of all of the gory details dating back to 2010? And: Would you recommend that I consider getting a blood test of some type, knowing that she was sharing OM and me simultaneously for a while, although I haven't had relations with her or anyone since early May, 2011. And I have had no discernible symptoms of anything since then, although, at times, I just feel dirtier than hell!


Arb,

If it were me, I'd play it cagey.

Get tested. It will help your peace of mind.

On the rest, save it for the "tough part" of the negotiations you know lie ahead.

I'd even put your evidence in a safe deposit box.

You never know who is on who's team.

BTW - my heart goes out to you. Remembering that episode in her ex's driveway was a foretaste of how she'd treat you.

I wish people could see these things as they're happening.

They'd simply RUN away as fast as possible.


----------



## happyman64

Arb,


I agree with bandit. Settle the divorce, see what you get out of it, holding her wayward docs in case you need them.

If your Divorce settles in your favor then let the info fly to her family and your boys.

I thought about your boys when you 1st mentioned the affair details.

I think they should know what she is really like and what affairs do to families.

In the end it is up to you.

HM64


----------



## bandit.45

Get tested for STDs. And have a full physical workover (stress test, EKG, the works) while you're at it.

My ex-wife's affair and our divorce took a huge toll on my health. Make sure you catch any problems before they arise. Don't show your hand to your wife. Keep those FB records as the ace in th hole should she decide to get nasty during the divorce procedings.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Get tested for STDs. And have a full physical workover (stress test, EKG, the works) while you're at it.
> 
> My ex-wife's affair and our divorce took a huge toll on my health. Make sure you catch any problems before they arise. Don't show your hand to your wife. Keep those FB records as the ace in th hole should she decide to get nasty during the divorce procedings.


Will do, Bandito! The strange thing is that my cardiologist's wife is actually a "social friend" of STBXW. So if I were to ask him for the full battery of tests with the reasoning for such, I was just wondering if any of that would actually get back to her? 

Well, not at least for 3 weeks, when she returns from her Across the Country Mini-Car Road Rally!


----------



## arbitrator

Found out that my College Freshman son had told my friend who is employing him for summer work that he could not work for him this Friday.

I then asked my son what might be preventing him from working and making some money for college and he replied that he was taking the day off to go "skydiving" with one of STBXW's dopehead kids. I had warned him earlier that I didn't think that he was emotionally or physically mature enough to undertake such an endeavor and really fearful that there is a remote possibility that he could either end up being severely hurt or possibly killed; and coupled with the fact that such a venture could cost him upwards of $300; money that he really should be allocating for his forthcoming college expenses.

He said he was going to do it anyway, that it was his money! 

Being the dad that I am, I then told him if he did pay the money to make the jump, that I was going to confiscate his cell phone and have it effectively cut off for an absolute minimum of three months. Well his reply just floored me:

"That's OK by me! Your STBXW will be happy to get me one! In fact, I can always move in with them. They'll have me!"

I closed it by rewarning him that if I saw any sort of transaction from his bank account indicating that he was doing it, that his cell phone would effectively be turned off on Saturday.

So now, even though STBXW is gallavanting around the USA until the mid/late part of July, her money is being indirectly thrown in my face through both of my boys who still are communicative with her!


----------



## happyman64

Arb

Let him go skydiving.

But before he goes remind him that he is disrespecting you and explain to him what karma is.........

HM64
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arb
> 
> Let him go skydiving.
> 
> But before he goes remind him that he is disrespecting you and explain to him what karma is.........
> 
> HM64
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks, Happy! If you'd do me a favor, go to my post #78 and give me your honest assessment of what my STBXW was actually trying to accomplish by the writing of the November 5, 2010 email to me from Hawaii, greatly given the timeline that she is either EA'ing or PA'ing with OM at that same time.

Do you think that I messed up by not responding to that email through conventional channels rather than confronting her physically with my answer. Or was the issuance of that email, in your opinion, some form of a convoluded smoke screen? I always appreciate your advise!

Have a good one, Sir!


----------



## arbitrator

Freshman son withdrew $215 from his bank account yesterday, but it looks as if he redeposited $200 back in to his account today.

Guess Dad's stern warning about having his cell phone turned off finally spoke volumes to him! 

But Dad is smiling!


----------



## pidge70

Teenagers, gotta love them.


----------



## Chaparral

Your sons are old enough to know what is really going on. If one of my parents had done this to me I don't know how I would ever trust them again. You are lying to them through omission.

You need to read "No More Mr Nice Guy" asap.

As a matter of fact you are making your sons your stbxw's lap dogs. They would be far better off taking on debt than being anywhere near the scum bags in your ex's family. I would not let either of my kids within country mile of that bunch. You are swallowing a lot of pride to no good purpose.


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> Thanks, Happy! If you'd do me a favor, go to my post #78 and give me your honest assessment of what my STBXW was actually trying to accomplish by the writing of the November 5, 2010 email to me from Hawaii, greatly given the timeline that she is either EA'ing or PA'ing with OM at that same time.
> 
> Do you think that I messed up by not responding to that email through conventional channels rather than confronting her physically with my answer. Or was the issuance of that email, in your opinion, some form of a convoluded smoke screen? I always appreciate your advise!
> 
> Have a good one, Sir!


Arb,

You asked for my input so I will give it to you.

Your STBXW was playing you. Plain and Simple. She was EA for sure but it does look she was having dates with the OM.

Would anything be different if you had emailed her? No.

She was playing her cheating game and wanted to be romanced by both you and the OM.

Honestly Arb, when you look at her messages and her trips/excursions she enjoyed vacationing without you so she could play her games.

She is a liar, player and cheater all wrapped up in one.

The difference between her and a lot of other cheaters is she has the F.U. money to do what she wants, when she wants and with whom she wants.

And she has the money to play the legal games that she wants too which you are now feeling the result of.

There is nothing you could have done differently. And you know what, sooner or later your boys will see the real side of her as well.

Just take care of you. 

And I still favor a midnight raid on your house to get your records and possessions while she is on another one of her trips.:smthumbup:

HM64


----------



## Numb in Ohio

arbitrator said:


> Freshman son withdrew $215 from his bank account yesterday, but it looks as if he redeposited $200 back in to his account today.
> 
> Guess Dad's stern warning about having his cell phone turned off finally spoke volumes to him!
> 
> But Dad is smiling!


Would your STBXW of gave him money back and he still went skydiving?


----------



## arbitrator

Numb in Ohio said:


> Would your STBXW of gave him money back and he still went skydiving?


STBXW is on yet another trip and is in no position to be doling out funds. Plain and simple, my son didn't go but went to watch.

STBXW called him, however, and asked my son to go to the pet store to buy her outdoor mongrel dogs a bag of some awfully high price dog food(>$50.00 a bag) and that she'd pay him back upon her return.

I told him that I wasn't real fond of that favor of his for her, but he did it anyway, saying otherwise that the dogs were not going to get fed.


----------



## arbitrator

chapparal said:


> Your sons are old enough to know what is really going on. If one of my parents had done this to me I don't know how I would ever trust them again. You are lying to them through omission.
> 
> You need to read "No More Mr Nice Guy" asap.
> 
> As a matter of fact you are making your sons your stbxw's lap dogs. They would be far better off taking on debt than being anywhere near the scum bags in your ex's family. I would not let either of my kids within country mile of that bunch. You are swallowing a lot of pride to no good purpose.


Chap: The oldest knows about everything and richly is making efforts to wean himself from STBXW, by applying for student loans, et. al. STBXW has a hold on them because of her social status, money, et. al. I have ordered that book and greatly look forward to reading it.

I only want to be able to convey the truth to STBXW's family about her activity that caused all of this mess.


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arb,
> 
> You asked for my input so I will give it to you.
> 
> Your STBXW was playing you. Plain and Simple. She was EA for sure but it does look she was having dates with the OM.
> 
> Would anything be different if you had emailed her? No.
> 
> She was playing her cheating game and wanted to be romanced by both you and the OM.
> 
> Honestly Arb, when you look at her messages and her trips/excursions she enjoyed vacationing without you so she could play her games.
> 
> She is a liar, player and cheater all wrapped up in one.
> 
> The difference between her and a lot of other cheaters is she has the F.U. money to do what she wants, when she wants and with whom she wants.
> 
> And she has the money to play the legal games that she wants too which you are now feeling the result of.
> 
> There is nothing you could have done differently. And you know what, sooner or later your boys will see the real side of her as well.
> 
> Just take care of you.
> 
> And I still favor a midnight raid on your house to get your records and possessions while she is on another one of her trips.:smthumbup:
> 
> HM64


As always, thanks for your candor, HM. I fully expected that to be the answer but was just seeking some common-sense confirmation!


----------



## bandit.45

Okay....I'm with you fellers.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Okay....I'm with you fellers.....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I will be too when I have the distinct pleasure of seeing you tote that big hog gun down here in Aggieland! Bandito: Those hogs are mocking you! Let's show'em how it's done!


----------



## Chaparral

I doubt it would have helped with this wife, she just has a screw loose and the money to finance it, but you also need to get Married Man Sex Life for all your future relationship/s. (Not a sex manual but a relationship manual) although when you read it I'm am sure you will see many things that will amaze you in retrospect.


----------



## Chaparral

Has your attorney subpoenaed her cell/text records yet? I mean, yourstbxw is trying to take you to the cleaners and destroy you reputation as well as divide your family. 

Oh yeah, she's latched onto your furniture too!


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> I will be too when I have the distinct pleasure of seeing you tote that big hog gun down here in Aggieland! Bandito: Those hogs are mocking you! Let's show'em how it's done!


I got some big 405 grainers that should take care of them nicely.

Get the grille ready.


----------



## GTdad

bandit.45 said:


> I got some big 405 grainers that should take care of them nicely.
> 
> Get the grille ready.


Y'all give me a shout when you're ready; I swear my SKS was invented for the sole purpose of hog-hunting. Open season year-round and no limits. Ahhhhhh.


----------



## arbitrator

GTdad said:


> Y'all give me a shout when you're ready; I swear my SKS was invented for the sole purpose of hog-hunting. Open season year-round and no limits. Ahhhhhh.


Think we'll try the FM-2000 area in Burleson County or the West Snook area off of FM-60 where I have land access. Can't get onto STBXW's folks land at the moment, but hopefully that will change soon! Stay tuned!


----------



## arbitrator

chapparal said:


> I doubt it would have helped with this wife, she just has a screw loose and the money to finance it, but you also need to get Married Man Sex Life for all your future relationship/s. (Not a sex manual but a relationship manual) although when you read it I'm am sure you will see many things that will amaze you in retrospect.


Thanks, Chap: Ordered both MMSL and No More Mr. Nice Guy yesterday and am quite anxious to get into them. For an "old fart," I have probably done enough wrong over the span of my lifetime that it would be absolutely laughable, but at least, for the duration of this old boy's lifetime, I'll hopefully be getting a few more things right than wrong!

BTW, are you sure that you don't already know who my STBXW is, because you have so aptly described her to a tee!


----------



## arbitrator

The mutual "friend" of both me and STBXW, talked with me yesterday and told me that I should just go ahead and expedite things, communicate with the STBXW, and tell her that I can't afford any monetary demands from her. He thinks that she wants out pronto and just wants all of this behind her. 

But she is the one who will not answer phone calls and I am somewhat reluctant to place any proposal in writing to her sans approval of my legal counsel. My counsel has heard nothing from STBXW's legal camp, I greatly think, because they are employing a "silence is golden" mantra, waiting for STBXW's side to ultimately cave-in on their own demands, greatly to the point that if she wants out of the marriage, she'll find herself countering her own original property demand proposal just to get herself extricated from the marriage.


----------



## Chaparral

You gave up your lively hood to marry her and , it seems to me, have lost almost everything to what turned out to be a cold goldigger. Tell your lawyer to get her cell/ text records and go after her like a junk yard dog. She is STILL playing you. Let your lawyer have her head and watch your stbxw come around quick.

The reason she is still sticking it to you is she doesn't know what you know. In other words you are doing it to yourself. Being a nice guy isn't all that nice.


----------



## arbitrator

chapparal said:


> You gave up your lively hood to marry her and , it seems to me, have lost almost everything to what turned out to be a cold goldigger. Tell your lawyer to get her cell/ text records and go after her like a junk yard dog. She is STILL playing you. Let your lawyer have her head and watch your stbxw come around quick.
> 
> The reason she is still sticking it to you is she doesn't know what you know. In other words you are doing it to yourself. Being a nice guy isn't all that nice.


Since STBXW vacated her section of my cell phone account taking all of her cell phone lines with her to yet another carrier, and still being in arrears to my account for in excess of $200.00 for her cell phones last billing; I plan on going by my cell carrier later today to request her phone records from 2010-close of her account, basically to get a record of her calls to establish "calls-from"-"calls to," "texts-from," "texts-to," OM's cell and home phone number, et. al.

Also, I'm inquiring if cell phone carriers are required to keep transcripts of customer texts. One person that I visited with, that actually works for one, told me that they believed that FCC rules mandated it and that if I were the primary cell phone account holder(which I am), that I would have full access to it.

Guess I'm really just looking for some confirmation of that here.


----------



## bandit.45

Git er done.

I'm not shooting and field dressing any boars for you until you stick it to her at least once.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Git er done.
> 
> I'm not shooting and field dressing any boars for you until you stick it to her at least once.


My basketball coaching buddy has the neatest wench contraption on the back of his truck whereby he can hoist damn near any size hog right up into mid air and just do his field dressing thing in nothing flat. Like you, he can knock down some nice prize hogs himself. Greatly looking forward to arranging this thing in the near future.


----------



## Chaparral

arbitrator said:


> Since STBXW vacated her section of my cell phone account taking all of her cell phone lines with her to yet another carrier, and still being in arrears to my account for in excess of $200.00 for her cell phones last billing; I plan on going by my cell carrier later today to request her phone records from 2010-close of her account, basically to get a record of her calls to establish "calls-from"-"calls to," "texts-from," "texts-to," OM's cell and home phone number, et. al.
> 
> Also, I'm inquiring if cell phone carriers are required to keep transcripts of customer texts. One person that I visited with, that actually works for one, told me that they believed that FCC rules mandated it and that if I were the primary cell phone account holder(which I am), that I would have full access to it.
> 
> Guess I'm really just looking for some confirmation of that here.


I think that depends on the carrier. Some won't give up texts without a court order. The time period also might come into play. Some carriers may be easy to deal with.


----------



## Chaparral

arbitrator said:


> The mutual "friend" of both me and STBXW, who is also the FB friend of STBXW who had the other FB chat dialogue that I posted; well, he talked with me yesterday and told me that I should just go ahead and expedite things, communicate with the STBXW, and tell her that I can't afford any monetary demands from her. He thinks that she wants out pronto and just wants all of this behind her.
> 
> But she is the one who will not answer phone calls and I am somewhat reluctant to place any proposal in writing to her sans approval of my legal counsel. My counsel has heard nothing from STBXW's legal camp, I greatly think, because they are employing a "silence is golden" mantra, waiting for STBXW's side to ultimately cave-in on their own demands, greatly to the point that if she wants out of the marriage, she'll find herself countering her own original property demand proposal just to get herself extricated from the marriage.


From what I read here, she's telling people one story while doing the opposite and blaming you.


----------



## GTdad

arbitrator said:


> My basketball coaching buddy has the neatest wench contraption on the back of his truck whereby he can hoist damn near any size hog right up into mid air and just do his field dressing thing in nothing flat. Like you, he can knock down some nice prize hogs himself. Greatly looking forward to arranging this thing in the near future.


And if that doesn't work out, my son-in-law has a tow truck (a "hook").


----------



## bandit.45

I want to bag me one of those fat Texas whitetails too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> I want to bag me one of those fat Texas whitetails too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That can happen! But we'll have to do that in season. In fact, at that time of year, you can look for Mr. Whitetail(10 pointer) while keeping an eye peeled for Porky and Company!


----------



## arbitrator

chapparal said:


> from what i read here, she's telling people one story while doing the opposite and blaming you.



*$ ka-ching! $*


----------



## arbitrator

Had a very good visit with cell phone company tonight at their local store. They were able to produce cell phone records on STBXW as far back as 6 months from the date she closed her section of her cell phone account in my name. I was told that I can go back even farther, but to do so, I must call the national toll-free customer service phone number and make that request there.

Anyway, in that litany of both incoming and outgoing cell phone calls, two phone numbers seemed to predominate; now all I really need to do is to identify the owner of those accounts, who no doubt, will be the OM.

The cell carrier also gave me her texting usage and it was, in their terminology, abnormally heavy. This firm informed me that they do keep an archive of all text messages, but in order to get them, an attorney must present the request for such, and has to be signed- off on by the presiding judge of the court.


----------



## arbitrator

arbitrator said:


> Anyway, in that litany of both incoming and outgoing cell phone calls, two phone numbers seemed to predominate; now all I really need to do is to identify the owner of those accounts, who no doubt, will be the OM.


Major development~ the two telephone numbers are both cell phone numbers~ one registered to the suspected "OM," ; *the other is registered to yet another OM in another part of the state who she apparently spends far more cell minutes with!*

Will post again upon completing a statistical analysis! This is beyond sickening!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> Major development~ the two telephone numbers are both cell phone numbers~ one registered to the suspected "OM," ; *the other is registered to yet another OM in another part of the state who she apparently spends far more cell minutes with!*
> 
> Will post again upon completing a statistical analysis! This is beyond sickening!


Arb,

Opens the possibility of exposing one to the other.

That would be quite the feat.


----------



## Numb in Ohio

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> Opens the possibility of exposing one to the other.
> 
> That would be quite the feat.


I did that with my H. He was talking to 2 women that he was "friends" with before, ( he was having PA with the one, and then the 2 women were sleeping together also), The women got in fight, quit talking and went back to their H's.... they had no clue he was talking to the other...... Until I let them know!!


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> Opens the possibility of exposing one to the other.
> 
> That would be quite the feat.



The new OM is a prominant physician's assistant who happens to be married with 5 kids. I'm finding that the original OM, a friend of STBXW's deceased first husband, and who was obviously sleeping with her per the FB dialogue, was really only playing second fiddle to this "new guy." Their calls to STBXW were stacking on her as she'd be talking with one and then dropping them to talk to the other! But the minutes expended to this new guy were vastly significant!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> The new OM is a prominant physician's assistant who happens to be married with 5 kids. I'm finding that the original OM, a friend of STBXW's deceased first husband, and who was obviously sleeping with her per the FB dialogue, was really only playing second fiddle to this "new guy." Their calls to STBXW were stacking on her as she'd be talking with one and then dropping them to talk to the other!


Bet you could get some conversations going with those call logs.


----------



## UpnDown

That is insane.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

So she is nuts *and* a three timing bimbo....nice.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Bet you could get some conversations going with those call logs.


And this just from April, 2011 through November, when STBXW extricated herself from the account. I color-coded the bill all last night and will post up my findings when I get back from doing a little work today!

Heck! I sure do need the diversion!


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> And this just from April, 2011 through November, when STBXW extricated herself from the account. I color-coded the bill all last night and will post up my findings when I get back from doing a little work today!
> 
> Heck! I sure do need the diversion!


I would rather you send copies to your in-laws ,

And her family
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

bandit.45 said:


> I would rather you send copies to your in-laws ,
> 
> And her family
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Send it to everybody.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> Send it to everybody.


:iagree:

And all your kids so your sons can see what a "loving" woman she truly is. She has love for everyone Arb!


----------



## arbitrator

As is, her settlement is for me to pay her some 68k of the 250k that she alleges that I owe her for my share of the usage "her money" over the 7-1/2 years of our marriage. My attorney won't even dignify giving her lawyer a response because it is so ridiculous, thus keeping her side in suspense over what is actually going on over in our camp.

A good friend of mine echoed his sentiments that STBXW doesn't even have a clue about what information about her that we now have, and that when my attorney throws her cell-phone call records down on STBXW's attorney's desk, wishing him absolutely the very best in defending them in court, that he's going to go limp, primarily because she isn't being totally honest with him about all of her activities as well as the facts of the case.

As is, we may be able to possibly win a small settlement in addition to STBXW paying all of my legal fees if she wants out. Not withstanding, we'll just try to see if we can break the pre-nup and go after a community property division.

She would not want to endure a trial in that small conservative rural one-horse county, where cheaters are despised as are most wealthy litigants!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> As is, her settlement is for me to pay her some 68k of the 250k that she alleges that I owe her for my share of the usage "her money" over the 7-1/2 years of our marriage. My attorney won't even dignify giving her lawyer a response because it is so ridiculous, thus keeping her side in suspense over what is actually going on over in our camp.
> 
> A good friend of mine echoed his sentiments that STBXW doesn't even have a clue about what information about her that we now have, and that when my attorney throws her cell-phone call records down on STBXW's attorney's desk, wishing him absolutely the very best in defending them in court, that he's going to go limp, primarily because she isn't being totally honest with him about all of her activities as well as the facts of the case.
> 
> As is, we may be able to possibly win a small settlement in addition to STBXW paying all of my legal fees if she wants out. Not withstanding, we'll just try to see if we can break the pre-nup and go after a community property division.
> 
> She would not want to endure a trial in that small conservative rural one-horse county, where cheaters are despised as are most wealthy litigants!


Sounds like the arb has a few tricks up his sleeve yet.

She has underestimated you.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Sounds like the arb has a few tricks up his sleeve yet.
> 
> She has underestimated you.


I owe it to God and also to all of you guys! Without your sustaining support and encouragement, I absolutely wouldn't have had a clue!

Just continue to stand by me as we now approach the litagatory phase!

I love you guys! And I mean all of you!


----------



## arbitrator

Having stayed awake most of the night from analyzing the cell phone records from STBXW's phone line dating from April, 2011 up until she terminated her line effective in late November,  the information below is just a sheer statistical analysis of the situation. I sincerely hope that it doesn't begin to bore you:

The analysis looks at the cell phone usage by STBXW basically with three different cell phone numbers: *Arbitrator*, *Austin*, and *Victor*. Arbitrator is the husband of record, Austin is the first OM, who was a friend and co-worker of STBXW's deceased first husband, and Victor, the "newly discovered" OM, who is a physician's assistant, married and the father of five:

*April-May, 2011*

*Arbitrator* 36 Calls/85 Minutes = 2.4 minutes per call. 19 placed as incoming calls by Arbitrator; 17 placed by STBXW.(Longest call: 5 minutes)

*Austin* 24 Calls/484 Minutes =20.2 minutes per call. 10 placed as incoming calls by Austin; 14 placed by STBXW.(Longest call: 83 minutes)

*Victor* 7 Calls/60 Minutes = 8.6 minutes per call. 5 placed as incoming calls by Victor; 2 calls placed by STBXW.(Longest call: 19 minutes)

Calls with both Austin and Victor seemed to be made either when Arbitrator was either away from home or after he had gone to bed for the evening.

STBXW had 709 text messages for the period along with 23 picture/video messages.


----------



## arbitrator

*May-June, 2011*(Moveout ordered by STBXW effective 5/21/2011)

*Arbitrator* 48 Calls/129 Minutes = 2.7 minutes per call. 38 placed as incoming calls by Arbitrator; 10 placed by STBXW.(Longest call: 12 minutes)

*Austin* 15 Calls/226 Minutes = 15.1 minutes per call. 8 placed as incoming calls by Austin; 7 placed by STBXW.(Longest call: 34 minutes)

*Victor* 50 Calls/1,404 Minutes = 28.1 minutes per call. 36 placed as incoming calls by Victor; 14 placed by STBXW.(Longest call: 92 minutes)

This is the month that I'm ordered to say "goodbye" to my dwelling as I'm ordered to move out effective 5/21 with taking youngest son to Houston airport for his out-of-state class trip. We left at 6:30AM as he had to be at the airport no later than 9:00AM.
Moved in, albeit temporarily with college aged son at his student apartment suites until the home owner made our house ready for occupancy.

Interesting items from the cell phone bill is that on 5/20, the day prior to my "banishment," Victor places two calls of 106 minutes duration to STBXW at 7:13PM and ending at 8:59PM. I remember her being in her bedroom with the door closed.

The actual day of my departure shows Austin placing a 16 minute call to her at 1:15PM that afternoon. Talk about the buzzards swooping down on dead meat!

While Austin is still making conversation with STBXW, Victor is coming on very strong in that he has increased his talk time with her to 4 digits. While still living in the home, most call activity by both Austin and Victor made during the daytime while I was usually away. Austin called the afternoon of my banishment.

Victors calls seemed to coincide with his practice. He called STBXW almost every morning prior to 7AM(and she was a self professed non-morning person), at lunch time, and at about the end of the work day. On Sunday, 5/22, he placed calls of some 92 minutes to STBXW.

Victor seems to have clearly established an M.O. of calling STBXW very early in the morning prior to 7AM, probably as a "good morning" wake-up call, usually lasting from 50-70 minutes each.

Another interesting aspect of this bill shows that STBXW's cell phone usage indicates a 5/12 trip on her part to the hometown of Victor in South Texas some 3 hours away. She had told me earlier that she had to go into Houston(which she obviously did) but then made a detour South as indicated by her incoming/outgoing calls. She reached his hometown at around 4PM, and was not in communication with anyone until nearly 10PM, when I called her asking when she would be home.(*Established 6 hour window*) I was told by her that she had encountered some problems and would be starting for home very soon. She actually did arrive back home at about 12:45AM the next morning.

While enroute home, she received Austin's phone calls of some 32 minutes at about 11PM.

For this billing cycle, STBXW's test message usage was reported at 1,077 texts sent/received with 15 picture and video texts.


----------



## arbitrator

*June-July, 2011*

*Arbitrator* 0 Calls/ 0 Minutes = 0.0 minutes per call. (Longest Call: 0 minutes) *[ "180" Maybe?]*

*Austin* 8 Calls/135 Minutes = 16.9 minutes per call. 5 placed as incoming calls by Austin; 3 placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 45 minutes)

*Victor* 92 Calls/1,520 Minutes = 16.6 minutes per call. 86 placed as incoming calls by Victor; 6 placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 59 minutes)

Arbitrator apparently has gone "180" on STBXW, and vice-versa. Meanwhile, back at the farm, Victor is still, far and away, greatly amassing the lion's share of the cell-phone time with STBXW. Still using his same call patterns from before, probably to not arouse any suspicion from the cohorts at his medical practice. Not bad for a married man and father of 5!

STBXW seems to only talk with Austin very sparingly. But her call records indicate that she was in Austin's hometown from 6/24 through 6/26(a weekend) with no calls to/from Austin for that time. But she's apparently taking, as well as placing calls, to Victor during this particular timeframe. Very strange. Apparently, she's back at home by 6PM on Sunday, 6/26, and placing a call to Austin, then abruptly receiving calls from Victor.

For this particular billing cycle, STBXW's text-messaging activity includes 938 sent/received texts, plus 29 picture and video texts.


----------



## UpnDown

That is just baffling. 

I'm sorry you had to find all of this out .. and that it happened to you.


----------



## arbitrator

*July-August, 2011*

*Arbitrator* 1 Call/ 2 Minutes = 2.0 minutes per call. 1 placed as incoming call by Arbitrator; 0 placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 2 Minutes)

*Austin* 9 Calls/ 144 Minutes = 16.0 minutes per call. 4 placed as incoming by Austin; 5 placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 38 Minutes)

*Victor* 122 Calls/ 2,489 Minutes = 20.4 minutes per call. 101 placed as incoming by Victor; 21 placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 136 Minutes)

Victor continues to win the "Cell-Phone" Sweepstakes going away, employing his same early morning, lunch hour, and late-evening call tactics. Austin gets his calls in to her and just occasionally, seems to merit one from her. As for Arbitrator, he must have really had a weak moment for that one 2 minute call~he can't even remember what it might have even been vaguely about!

STBXW makes an out-of-state trip for a week, where more often than not, Victor is still richly keeping her company, with the very occasional call to/from Austin.

For this particular billing cycle, STBXW amassed some 944 text messages sent/received, along with 60 picture/video texts.


----------



## arbitrator

*August-September, 2011*

*Arbitrator* 0 Calls/ 0 Minutes = 0.0 minutes per call.

*Austin* 0 Calls/ 0 Minutes = 0.0 minutes per call.

*Victor* 36 Calls/ 764 Minutes = 21.3 minutes per call. 31 calls placed as incoming calls by Victor; 5 calls placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 85 Minutes)

Victor is direly in danger of violating the Sherman Anti-Trust Act as he now has monopolized the affection of STBXW, apparently being the only "Cell-Phone Beau" in her life. Now this bill was somewhat abbreviated in that STBXW made her European business trip from 8/21 to 9/7/11. On 8/21, she made a "bon voyage call" to Victor shortly before departing. On 9/7, Victor immediately called her upon her return to a Texas airfield.

For this billing cycle, STBXW had 309 text messages sent/received with 5 picture/video texts.


----------



## arbitrator

*September-October, 2011*

*Arbitrator* 4 Calls/ 24 Minutes = 6.0 minutes per call. 0 calls placed as incoming by Arbitrator; 4 calls placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 8 Minutes)

*Austin* 11 Calls/ 360 Minutes = 32.7 minutes per call. 9 calls placed as incoming by Austin; 2 calls placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 101 Minutes)

*Victor* 36 Calls/ 651 Minutes = 18.1 minutes per call. 31 calls placed as incoming by Victor; 5 calls placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 60 Minutes)

Victor's quality cell-phone time with STBXW seems to be losing stroke. I sense something strange as the times per call begin to somewhat wane; and then the longest call from him occurs on 9/18 and that is the last call that is logged in by/from him. Now either he gave her a "Dear Judy" speech, or she bestowed him with a "Dear John" speech~ but contact with him abruptly ends on that morning.

Conversely, Austin is making inroads as his cell time is now climbing. So is Arbitrator's; STBXW called to inform that she was coming to town to drop off some boxes that she wanted to get out of her way.

For this billing cycle, STBXW amassed some 380 sent/received text messages with 9 picture/video messages.


----------



## Conrad

UpnDown said:


> That is just baffling.
> 
> I'm sorry you had to find all of this out .. and that it happened to you.


Actually, I'm glad you found this out.

What you've been baffled about got resolved.

Good job Arb!


----------



## UpnDown

Well yeah, it's good that he discovered it. Helps his case like no other.


----------



## arbitrator

*October-November, 2011*

*Arbitrator* 7 Calls/ 20 Minutes = 2.8 minutes per call. 5 calls placed as incoming by Arbitrator; 2 calls placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 7 Minutes)

*Austin* 20 Calls/ 426 Minutes = 21.3 minutes per call. 5 calls placed as incoming by Austin; 15 calls placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 145 Minutes)

*Victor* 0 Calls/ 0 Minutes = 0.0 minutes per call.

Now being a non-entity in the STBXW Derby, Victor does not call anymore. Nor does she call him! Austin has now taken over as the sole "beau" in her life, as richly evidenced by STBXW now chasing and calling him. She's calling him now late at night and having rather long conversations.

Now this particular timeframe shows a trip to New Orleans from 11/4 until 11/7. Given the newest evidence of the longer conversations carried on with Austin, during the NOLA trip, there are only two entries of calls to him, each lasting only 1 minute in length each and placed by STBXW; which greatly suggests that he is with her there in the Crescent City, because one doesn't exactly need a cell phone to communicate with and talk for hours on end, more especially when they're physically there with you in the same bed.

For this billing cycle, STBXW amassed 367 sent/received test messages, with 21 picture/video messages.


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *October-November, 2011*
> 
> *Arbitrator* 7 Calls/ 20 Minutes = 2.8 minutes per call. 5 calls placed as incoming by Arbitrator; 2 calls placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 7 Minutes)
> 
> *Austin* 20 Calls/ 426 Minutes = 21.3 minutes per call. 5 calls placed as incoming by Austin; 15 calls placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 145 Minutes)
> 
> *Victor* 0 Calls/ 0 Minutes = 0.0 minutes per call.
> 
> Now being a non-entity in the STBXW Derby, Victor does not call anymore. Nor does she call him! Austin has now taken over as the sole "beau" in her life, as richly evidenced by STBXW now chasing and calling him. She's calling him now late at night and having rather long conversations.
> 
> Now this particular timeframe shows a trip to New Orleans from 11/4 until 11/7. Given the newest evidence of the longer conversations carried on with Austin, during the NOLA trip, there are only two entries of calls to him, each lasting only 1 minute in length each and placed by STBXW; which greatly suggests that he is with her there in the Crescent City, because one doesn't exactly need a cell phone to communicate with and talk for hours on end, more especially when they're physically there with you in the same bed.
> 
> For this billing cycle, STBXW amassed 367 sent/received test messages, with 21 picture/video messages.


Arb,

As I told OVS...

rafiki: it is time! - YouTube

And, how many of those pic messages were of Austin's package?

She is scum.


----------



## arbitrator

*November 8-27, Close of STBXW's Presence on Cell-Phone Account* prior to her moving her lines to another carrier.

*Arbitrator* 0 Calls/ 0 Minutes = 0.0 minutes per call.

*Austin* 4 Calls/ 83 Minutes = 20.8 minutes per call. 3 calls placed as incoming by Austin; 1 call placed by STBXW. (Longest Call: 46 Minutes)

*Victor* 0 Calls/ 0 Minutes = 0.0 minutes per call.

STBXW closed cell phone account effective 11/27. Victor remains a non-entity in her life, and it's rather strange that Austin's cell time is now showing signs of diminishing. No apparent holiday calls to anyone of a romantic interest on Thanksgiving, so it makes me wonder where STBXW is going from here. 

Now I will be getting the cell-phone records starting with March to April, 2011 and working backward all the way to March to April, 2010. Should be able to uncover more evidence from that to forward to legal counsel.

For this particular billing cycle, STBXW amassed some 341 sent/received text messages.


----------



## arbitrator

*Accumulative Stats for April-November, 2011*

*Arbitrator* 96 Calls/ 260 Minutes = 2.7 minutes per call. 63 incoming calls placed by Arbitrator; 33 calls placed by STBXW.

*Austin* 91 Calls/ 1,783 Minutes = 19.6 minutes per call. 44 incoming calls placed by Austin; 47 calls placed by STBXW.

*Victor* 343 Calls/ 6,888 Minutes = 20.1 minutes per call. 290 incoming calls placed by Victor; 53 calls placed by STBXW.


Victor seemed to show far more evidence of being the pursuer in his relationship with STBXW. Judging from the calls and the trip she made to see him, it is apparent that they finally went PA from a very long EA. Having scored with him and contingent on his dogged pursuit of her, I can only opine that she grew tired of him and finally closed things out.

Austin and STBXW consummated their relationship back in 2010, and possibly earlier, all from their FB connection. Having been enamored by the physicians assistant, she distanced herself enough from Austin to see if anything would come to fruition with Victor. It didn't and she went running back to Austin, as evidenced by the ratio of the number of phone calls that she ended up making to him! And she, no doubt, rekindled her physical relationship with him.

To date, I have no earthly idea where she is at in having a romantic relationship with anyone.

And as for poor, old Arbitrator, he is just holding the bag, but feeling rather blessed that he will soon find himself free from this nightmare, and holding what I hope, is the trump card in richly putting this sordid marriage as far behind him as possible!


And for the record, for this accumulative billing cycle, STBXW amassed some 5,065 total sent/received text messages on just her cell phone alone.


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

Seriously... this is your night.

Take a bow.

and....

*EXCUSE ME WHILE I STAND AND APPLAUD*


----------



## arbitrator

Once divorce is final, I'm greatly looking forward to sitting down with STBXW's brother, with the cell phone log in hand along with some other data, and letting him see for himself, who it is that is at fault in this matter.

I'm sure she has said things to her family that might sully my reputation, and I feel that letting the patriarch of their family know the facts of this case, that it would greatly offer some vindication and closure to me, and perhaps restore some of my good reputation back to me!


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> Once divorce is final, I'm greatly looking forward to sitting down with STBXW's brother, with the cell phone log in hand along with some other data, and letting him see for himself, who it is that is at fault in this matter.
> 
> I'm sure she has said things to her family that might sully my reputation, and I feel that letting the patriarch of their family know the facts of this case, that it would greatly offer some vindication and closure to me, and perhaps restore some of my good reputation back to me!


Don't count on it. There is a reason she is as messed up as she is, and alot of it is her family. 

Blood is thicker than phone log records.


----------



## Jibril

I second Bandit's "don't count on it statement," though I _do_ think you should expose.

At the very least, It will let her know that you're not the poor, naive sap she thought you were.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Don't count on it. There is a reason she is as messed up as she is, and alot of it is her family.
> 
> Blood is thicker than phone log records.


I've got to differ with you on this one, Bandito! Her brother is a straight-shooter, Christian, business and family man. Like me, he seemingly placates STBXW's kids, but otherwise, he really can't stand being around them. I don't really want STBXW's mother to know about it because she is such a good and decent lady, but rather frail with age.

This is something that could well have the potential to end up knocking STBXW out of a potential inheritance someday!


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> I've got to differ with you on this one, Bandito! Her brother is a straight-shooter, *Christian, *business and family man. Like me, he seemingly placates STBXW's kids, but otherwise, he really can't stand being around them. I don't really want STBXW's mother to know about it because she is such a good and decent lady, but rather frail with age.
> 
> This is something that could well have the potential to end up knocking STBXW out of a potential inheritance someday!


Arb, please, please quit spouting "Christian" this "Christian" that. I'm a Christian and Christians have caused me more heartache and pain in my life than any other people outside my Catholic in-laws. He's either a straight shooter or he's not, but I ask you if he is that straight an arrow, why has he not been able to see his psycho sister for what she really is?


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Arb, please, please quit spouting "Christian" this "Christian" that. I'm a Christian and Christians have caused me more heartache and pain in my life than any other people outside my Catholic in-laws. He's either a straight shooter or he's not, but I ask you if he is that straight an arrow, why has he not been able to see his psycho sister for what she really is?


While I may agree with you on the aspects of some "Christians" either knowingly or unknowingly causing others pain, my BIL seems to have a lot more regard for me than for her, or so he gives me that distinct impression. Another cousin of hers actually asked me just weeks before our wedding if I really knew what it was that I was getting into in marrying her.

As a whole, I think that they have all grown so very tired of her, and of her mantra of being a "bully!"


----------



## Conrad

Jibril said:


> I second Bandit's "don't count on it statement," though I _do_ think you should expose.
> 
> At the very least, It will let her know that you're not the poor, naive sap she thought you were.


That's where I'm at Arb.

Do it because it's the right thing to do.

Don't count on "any" return.

BTW - great job.


----------



## Chaparral

bandit.45 said:


> Arb, please, please quit spouting "Christian" this "Christian" that. I'm a Christian and Christians have caused me more heartache and pain in my life than any other people outside my Catholic in-laws. He's either a straight shooter or he's not, but I ask you if he is that straight an arrow, why has he not been able to see his psycho sister for what she really is?


You should know by now there are Christians and then there are other Christians. Just like with everything else.


----------



## UpnDown

Damn
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

I agree. damn!Damn!

Arb, you never had a chance with her ***** like activity.

This woman is twisted........
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

arbitrator said:


> Had a very good visit with cell phone company tonight at their local store. They were able to produce cell phone records on STBXW as far back as 6 months from the date she closed her section of her cell phone account in my name. I was told that I can go back even farther, but to do so, I must call the national toll-free customer service phone number and make that request there.
> 
> Anyway, in that litany of both incoming and outgoing cell phone calls, two phone numbers seemed to predominate; now all I really need to do is to identify the owner of those accounts, who no doubt, will be the OM.
> 
> The cell carrier also gave me her texting usage and it was, in their terminology, abnormally heavy. This firm informed me that they do keep an archive of all text messages, but in order to get them, an attorney must present the request for such, and has to be signed-off on by the presiding judge of the court.


Some good news! Since STBXW was on my account during that time, the cell-phone company informed me earlier this evening that they could start by retrieving STBXW's cell-phone log from January-February, 2010 to March-April, 2011. They retrieved them from their archives and printed them tonight, and would mail them out on Monday~ insuring that I should receive them by Wednesday. They only hit me for a $5.00 service/printing charge which is only fair.

So I guess I'll have about another year and a quarter of her records to peruse and offer analysis to. No telling what discoveries await me.

But since Thursday is my birthday, maybe I'll find something in there that will absolutely be one of the best birthday gifts that I've ever received! Hope springs eternal!


----------



## arbitrator

*Update*

Further info has come to light revealing that STBXW and OM#2(*Victor*) made initial contact with each other on or around October 16, 2010.

Being the Physician's Assistant, he is also a former high school classmate of hers, who allegedly had his "heart broken" by her in those days of yore and was reestablishing connections with her for the first time in some 30+ years.

Contacts with him begin on 10/16/2010 and go through 10/30/2010, with a single posting on 8/2/2011. 

Cell phone records indicate contact by both parties at an absolute minimum from April, 2011 up until mid-September when the evidence of those calls suddenly ceases. I would expect the older cell phone records to bear out that calls were vastly being made way back in even 2010!

Will post this info up later! Busy day ahead of me!


----------



## happyman64

Happy BDay in advance Arb.

I hope you find the smoking gun. Maybe a little something to kill a prenup?

I truly think the only way to get your WW to feel anything is to hit her in her pockets.......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> Happy BDay in advance Arb.
> 
> I hope you find the smoking gun. Maybe a little something to kill a prenup?
> 
> I truly think the only way to get your WW to feel anything is to hit her in her pockets.......
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hit them where they live.

It's quite clear what she values.

Take it from her.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> That's where I'm at Arb.
> 
> Do it because it's the right thing to do.
> 
> Don't count on "any" return.
> 
> BTW - great job.




Totally in agreement with you Conrad! I don't exactly know what STBXW's "official" story to her family is about me, but I feel certain that it ain't exactly good; something falsely said, I'm sure, that pretty much absolves her.

For the record, you can't get any squeakier clean, reputationwise, than I am. Now if her problem was that she married a poor ex-government worker, then I richly stand guilty!

All I really want to do is to just recover some semblance of my reputation from all of those folks who she has tainted with her twisted, self-serving tales!

Going to Galveston for a wedding this evening! Will check back in late tonight! Y'all have a good one!


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Happy BDay in advance Arb.
> 
> I hope you find the smoking gun. Maybe a little something to kill a prenup?
> 
> I truly think the only way to get your WW to feel anything is to hit her in her pockets.......
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Thanks, Happy! The birthday isn't until Thursday, so don't go trying to push another year on me today~ just kidding! Looking forward to posting up the other additional information a little later tonight!


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> Opens the possibility of exposing one to the other.
> 
> That would be quite the feat.



I thought of that possibility late last night on my drive back home from Galveston. Had a lengthy conversation with my oldest college son about it. He agrees that I'm holding the best hand of cards I could ever have while STBXW doesn't have a clue as to what info I have about her.

He said he was sick and tired of taking money from her and that he would just as soon take out loans rather than be obligated to her. 

He then bowled me over when he said that he wanted to live long enough to be able to call her a "wh---" to her face, but he knew that now was certainly not that time.

He was also worried that his little brother could not see through the fecade and was still revering her. I know that he is young and impressionable and unfortunately is using her as a "mommy figure" since he has little to nothing to do with his natural mother who emotionally mistreated him.

I also visited with my pastor after church yesterday morning who asked how things were going. I gave him the 5-cent version of the story. He seemed to think that STBXW was what they call a "serial cheater," in that as a child, she didn't exactly get enough attention from Daddy. To that end he said, that as a consequence, some of those women simply look for male emotional support where ever it is that they may find it, to the point that they would, more often than not, enter into a PA with other men simply to sustain their emotional ties. And that monogamy was fastly trumped by her finding enough male emotional support just to get her by. Rather interesting analogy and insight from a pastor, I'd say.


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> I thought of that possibility late last night on my drive back home from Galveston. Had a lengthy conversation with my oldest college son about it. He agrees that I'm holding the best hand of cards I could ever have while STBXW doesn't have a clue as to what info I have about her.
> 
> He said he was sick and tired of taking money from her and that he would just as soon take out loans rather than be obligated to her.
> 
> He then bowled me over when he said that he wanted to live long enough to be able to call her a "wh---" to her face, but he knew that now was certainly not that time.
> 
> He was also worried that his little brother could not see through the fecade and was still revering her. I know that he is young and impressionable and unfortunately is using her as a "mommy figure" since he has little to nothing to do with his natural mother who emotionally mistreated him.
> 
> I also visited with my pastor after church yesterday morning who asked how things were going. I gave him the 5-cent version of the story. He seemed to think that STBXW was what they call a "serial cheater," in that as a child, she didn't exactly get enough attention from Daddy. To that end he said, that as a consequence, some of those women simply look for male emotional support where ever it is that they may find it, to the point that they would, more often than not, enter into a PA with other men simply to sustain their emotional ties. And that monogamy was fastly trumped by her finding enough male emotional support just to get her by. Rather interesting analogy and insight from a pastor, I'd say.


First of all, it was a mistake, I think, to tell anyone outside of TAM about these call logs....even your older son. He's already shown you he can be a bit flaky, especially when the evil stepmother is waving cash in his face.

Arb, this kind of information is hard enough to sit on, but it has a way of getting away from you no matter how hard you try to keep it under wraps. How do you know your older boy won't blurt out this news to his younger brother during an argument or something?  Dumb, very dumb!

Don't tell any more people about this except your lawyer, and those you have told you need to go back and make sure they know this is confidential info and needs to be kept that way!

Keep your trap shut and start using your head!


----------



## arbitrator

Bandito: Your insight and wisdom are always revered. If it were not, I would not be here and I always welcome and respect your opinion.

Older son has had a obvious concerted change of heart. He has seen the pain that I've endured and for a 22 year old, he has come around. He does not talk to younger brother about it at all.

My best church friend knows and he is someone who can be implicitly trusted.

My pastor knows~ and is protected by the "pastor-penitent" exclusionary rule, just as my attorney is protected by the "attorney-client" rule.

No one else knows, or ever will know! Not until the dust is finally settled!


----------



## Conrad

bandit.45 said:


> First of all, it was a mistake, I think, to tell anyone outside of TAM about these call logs....even your older son. He's already shown you he can be a bit flaky, especially when the evil stepmother is waving cash in his face.
> 
> Arb, this kind of information is hard enough to sit on, but it has a way of getting away from you no matter how hard you try to keep it under wraps. How do you know your older boy won't blurt out this news to his younger brother during an argument or something?  Dumb, very dumb!
> 
> Don't tell any more people about this except your lawyer, and those you have told you need to go back and make sure they know this is confidential info and needs to be kept that way!
> 
> Keep your trap shut and start using your head!


Arb,

You know I love you man.

But, Banned It is right.

Shut-up.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> You know I love you man.
> 
> But, Banned It is right.
> 
> Shut-up.




Bandito/Conrad:

Gentlemen: You've got it! I can do that! :iagree:


----------



## bandit.45

Arb these call logs are your nuclear option. Just the threat of sending them public should be enough to get what you want out of the divorce. If word leaks out about it she and her lawyer will figure out a way to outmenuever your lawyer and get the court to view them as inadmissable, and then the logs are worth no more than the paper they're printed on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

How many times can I press the like button?

I mean - seriously - I hate the idea that they have the actual names of her fugbuddies in public here.

I want her destroyed.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> I mean - seriously - I hate the idea that they have the actual names of her fugbuddies in public here.


FYI: The "fugbuddies" names in my postings are totally ficticious and are nowhere even remotely close to the real ones!


----------



## keko

Are you getting the actual text messages or just the logs?


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *Update:*
> 
> I won't post the actual FB conversations, but STBXW hooked up with the physicians assistant supposedly in October 2010.
> Found out he was an old HS boyfriend who she had broken his heart way back when.
> 
> The conversations start off friendly enough, but then escalate over the course of a couple of days to uber friendly, most of it being richly propogated by my STBXW.
> 
> In November, she suggests a rendevous when he's on business here in our county. Can't rightfully tell if it came to fruition, but hopefully will be able to when her additional cell-phone calling records get here so I can closely analyze.
> 
> And all of this is occuring while I'm living at home with her, receiving a meager bone or two from her when she consented, and now I know that she's busy running the road seeing two guys at once. Here I thought that I had the most loyal and caring woman in the world.
> 
> My God~ what those cell-phone records have come to reveal!


Dislike

I despise how she treated you.


----------



## arbitrator

Really feel like puking... I just went to my email and just got a two-sentence "happy birthday" email from STBXW!

So very nice of her to think of me!


----------



## UpnDown

I suggest googling a vomit gif and sending it as a reply.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Ignore it. Don't respond.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Ignore it. Don't respond.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wouldn't dream of it!


----------



## arbitrator

Older college age son related to me late last night that my STBXW had talked with him roughly a couple of years ago, that since he was engaged in trying to become a physician's assistant, that she had wanted him to meet a "good friend" of hers who already was one so that he could "pick his brain" regarding the profession in general. Well, that meeting never got around to materializing for one reason or another; most probably because this "good friend" was OM#2 living a few hours from here.

Then some brain cells kicked-in about a conversation I had had with her back in late 2009 to early 2010 about the "friend" and former co-worker of her deceased ex-husband who came to visit us in our home. She said that this guy and his wife had bought an absolutely beautiful Hill Country home overlooking one of its more renowned rivers. Anyway, this dude's wife sues him for a divorce, takes him to the cleaners for damn near everything he's got other than the home itself. 

Well, as fate would would have it, STBXW had been invited there by him when she was in that area to attend a July 4th shindig, and remarked how such a palatial dwelling like that looked so odd without any kind of real furniture in it. She said about 20 people or so attended this gathering, but kept exclaiming how georgeous this place was. It wasn't too long after that, that this guy visited us in our home! This was OM#1.

Strange how the memory sometimes just seems to "fade out," and then suddenly "fades right back in" on you!


----------



## Chaparral

its the puzzle pieces coming together. I sometimes think of things like that decades later, right out of the blue. Eureka moment, but a little late. LOL


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> Really feel like puking... I just went to my email and just got a two-sentence "happy birthday" email from STBXW!
> 
> So very nice of her to think of me!


Happy belated birthday Arb.

I think you've been getting all the "presents" you deserve this year.

Make them count.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Happy belated birthday Arb.
> 
> I think you've been getting all the "presents" you deserve this year.
> 
> Make them count.


Just going out to dinner with the boys on the big day was worth the price of admission alone! And just having them around the house was all the gift I would ever want.

At my age, I greatly prefer birthday "presence" rather than "presents!"

Thanks so much for your very kind sentiments! Hope y'all have a great weekend!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> Just going out to dinner with the boys on the big day was worth the price of admission alone! And just having them around the house was all the gift I would ever want.
> 
> At my age, I greatly prefer birthday "presence" rather than "presents!"
> 
> Thanks so much for your very kind sentiments! Hope y'all have a great weekend!


Here's to celebrating many more on this side of the grass.


----------



## Chaparral

I like your new avatar, make it mean something!


----------



## Chaparral

Rather than being made a fool of, turn your lawyer loose.


----------



## arbitrator

chapparal said:


> Rather than being made a fool of, turn your lawyer loose.


Considering that STBXW's side has made a rather "generous" offer of letting me off of the prenup hook at the absolutely unbelievable bargain basement price of some 70K, payable to her in monthly installments of $300 plus 6-1/2% interest on the unpaid balance(of the originally requested 250K), I think that I might be 97 or 98 by the time that I get to set fire to that note.

To wit, my attorney will not even dignify their offer with a counterofferatory response, their logic being "let's see if 'no response' from us will make them sweat a little and also if they get tired of waiting and she wants her freedom, then she might drop her recovery demands altogether." Meantime, my attorney wants me to present her with as much information as I can reasonably ferret out to assist her in making a motion before the court, in essence, to break the prenup and get the court's permission to move the divorce hearing from a "no-fault" hearing to an "at-fault" hearing.

My attorney is a rather high profile lady family lawyer, while located here in my city, handles cases statewide. She also does not like STBXW's attorney and reportedly has never lost a case to him. Right now, she is not billing me. I expect our interrogatories and discovery to go out in the very near future. The waiting around and jockeying for position gets to me at times, but that just seems to be an integral part of the legal process.

Right now, silence is golden and we're not exactly showing our hand of cards!


----------



## arbitrator

Through closer analysis of STBXW's cell-phone records, it's rather obvious that she was apparently "shacked-up" with OM(and other friends) in the Crescent City on the November 4th thru November 7th weekend; then, upon returning home, had her attorney file the divorce papers on me on November 9th.

Isn't that special?


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> Through closer analysis of both STBXW's FB and cell-phone records, it's rather obvious that she was apparently "shacked-up" with him(and other friends) in the Crescent City on the November 4th thru November 7th weekend; then, upon returning home, had her attorney file the divorce papers on me on November 9th.
> 
> Isn't that special?


Oh she is very special. I can't wait for your attorney to show some special treatment in return Arb.

Your STBXW really deserves it.......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Oh she is very special. I can't wait for your attorney to show some special treatment in return Arb.
> 
> Your STBXW really deserves it.......
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



All in good time, kind Sir!


----------



## Chaparral

arbitrator said:


> Considering that STBXW's side has made a rather "generous" offer of letting me off of the prenup hook at the unbelivable bargain basement price of some 70K, payable to her in monthly installments of $300 plus 6-1/2% interest on the unpaid balance(of the originally requested 250K), I think that I might be 97 or 98 by the time that I get to set fire to that note.
> 
> To wit, my attorney will not even dignify their offer with a counterofferatory response, their logic being "let's see if 'no response' from us will make them sweat a little and also if they get tired of waiting and she wants her freedom, then she might drop her recovery demands altogether." Meantime, my attorney wants me to present her with as much information as I can reasonably ferret out to assist her in making a motion before the court, in essence, to break the prenup and get the court's permission to move the divorce hearing from a "no-fault" hearing to an "at-fault" hearing.
> 
> My attorney is a rather high profile lady family lawyer, while located here in my city, handles cases statewide. She also does not like STBXW's attorney and reportedly has never lost a case to him. Right now, she is not billing me. I expect our interrogatories and discovery to go out in the very near future. The waiting around and jockeying for position gets to me at times, but that just seems to be an integral part of the legal process.
> 
> Right now, silence is golden and we're not exactly showing our hand of cards!


What she thinks is they are really being smart with an offense is the best defense strstegy. She thinks she has your n*ts in her hand and she is squeezing you into submission....................is she? Or are you cowboying up? Break the prenup and take half of your joint earnings since your marriage. If you keep up the the nice guy BS she going to have your furniture, your boys and your n*ts.


----------



## Conrad

Arbitrator,

I'm reminded of the ancient wisdom contained in advising someone (getting ready to fire their last bullet) to make CERTAIN it will kill the enemy.

Seriously, I cannot wait for you to puncture her sanctimonious air of superiority.

The rules apply to her too.

And, karma is a real issue for users like her.


----------



## arbitrator

chapparal said:


> What she thinks is they are really being smart with an offense is the best defense strstegy. She thinks she has your n*ts in her hand and she is squeezing you into submission....................is she? Or are you cowboying up? Break the prenup and take half of your joint earnings since your marriage. If you keep up the the nice guy BS she going to have your furniture, your boys and your n*ts.




I really think that that's the direction in which we're headed. My attorney's silence is greatly playing into the hands of STBXW. As I said earlier, my lawyer will not even dignify their offer with a response.

After our interrogatories go out and are answered and we come to find out what her true net worth really is, weighed with the STBXW's flippant infidelity and all that she put me/us through. I would feel rather certain that my attorney will threaten to break the prenup at trial, thereby forcing property division to the Texas community property code, which would have to be done in an "at-fault" hearing. 

Not desiring local publicity, STBXW would probably offer to settle and end up paying some amount to me, in addition to my legal fees as well as all related court costs. At least, that's the current thought process of my counsel.


----------



## Shaggy

can you possibly file alientation of affection suits against OM1/OM2?

edit: not that you'd win, but the grief you cause them alone would be worth it. and if you could turn it around to using her money to do it with...


----------



## arbitrator

Shaggy said:


> can you possibly file alientation of affection suits against OM1/OM2?
> 
> edit: not that you'd win, but the grief you cause them alone would be worth it. and if you could turn it around to using her money to do it with...


Good point, Shag! Don't know if it would be all that fruitful, as to the projected cost of such a suit and the inability to adequately determine if any resulting monetary dividends would be worth it.

I would greatly think that the spectre of the possibility of both of them being subpoenaed as hostile witnesses to some small rural town many miles from where they live, coupled with the harsh reality that they would likely have to divulge/disclose to their family members as to what their testimony might possibly entail, could certainly end up being as damaging to them, if not moreso, than to my STBXW.


----------



## pidge70

Good grief Arb! What kind of woman is your STBXW? You come across as such a sweet man, I feel so horrible for you. I could come down there and get all BPD on her butt if you want me to..... My defense is I have had brain surgery, I think I can pull it off and get no jail time!


----------



## arbitrator

pidge70 said:


> Good grief Arb! What kind of woman is your STBXW? You come across as such a sweet man, I feel so horrible for you. I could come down there and get all BPD on her butt if you want me to..... My defense is I have had brain surgery, I think I can pull it off and get no jail time!


Thanks, P! I love you exactly where you are as one of my caring advisors, as TDC doesn't need any more clients!

The abundance of money and its usage does some very strange and warped things to some people. I've never been that way~ thank God! My folks raised me to have a big heart and be accepting of all people, no matter what rank in life that they might occupy. And that's greatly in accordance with the fact that no matter who we are in life, we are all going to leave this world with exactly the same amount of money that we brought into it.

It's just so sad that some folks can't ever seem to grasp that eternal fact!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> Good point, Shag! Don't know if it would be all that fruitful, as to the projected cost of such a suit and the inability to adequately determine if any resulting monetary dividends would be worth it.
> 
> I would greatly think that the spectre of the possibility of both of them being subpoenaed as hostile witnesses to some small rural town many miles from where they live, coupled with the harsh reality that they would likely have to divulge/disclose to their family members as to what their testimony might possibly entail, could certainly end up being as damaging to them, if not moreso, than to my STBXW.


Arb,

Just for fun, I think your counsel SHOULD draw up those suits naming OM1 and OM2.

He should slip those in the packet for STBXW's attorney to read, without saying a word.


----------



## arbitrator

chapparal said:


> I like your new avatar, make it mean something!


Thanks, Chap! My previous avatars like Dan Akroyd and Mel Brooks are people who make me laugh and smile. But being a Texan makes me proud as well and the "Come and Take It" Flag  just about says it all!

*From Wikipedia*:

Regarding the Texas Revolution,"In early January, 1831, Green DeWitt wrote to Ramon Musquiz, the top political official of Bexar, and requested armament for defence of the colony of Gonzales. This request was granted by the delivery of a small used cannon. The small bronze cannon was received by the colony and signed for on March 10, 1831, by James Tumlinson, Jr. The swivel cannon was mounted to a blockhouse in Gonzales, Texas and later was the object of Texas pride. At the minor skirmish known as the Battle of Gonzales,- the first battle of the Texas Revolution against Mexico- a small group of Texans successfully resisted the Mexican forces who had orders from Col. Domingo de Ugartechea to seize their cannon. As a symbol of defiance, the Texans had fashioned a flag containing the phrase "Come and Take It" along with a black star and an image of the cannon that they had received six years earlier from the Mexican officials- this was the same message that they had sent to the Mexican government when they told the Texans that they would have to return the cannon- failure to comply with the Mexican government's original demands led to the failed attempt by the Mexican military to forcefully take back the cannon."


----------



## Chaparral

Speaking of bronze swivel guns, have you ever read the series about Captain Jack Aubrey by Patrick O'Brian?


----------



## arbitrator

chapparal said:


> Speaking of bronze swivel guns, have you ever read the series about Captain Jack Aubrey by Patrick O'Brian?


No, sir! But it will now be on my reading "to-do" list!


----------



## arbitrator

Received a rather terse email yesterday from STBXW imploring me to close out my checking account that I had with her while domiciling together. It has a very minor negative balance.(<$100) I could easily pay the deficiency and close it out for her.

Now back in February, I sent her a "snail-mailed" directive to pay off a cell-phone bill for some $250 for her section of cell phones for a particular period after she had arbitrarily moved her account to another cell carrier. In fact, I've sent her three different notices to that effect. That bill has effectively gone to collections by the cell phone carrier, but they have been quite gracious toward me in not demanding payment since they know that a divorce proceeding is prevalent..

Should I just hold the checking account open until STBXW complies with that payment demand to the cell phone company? If so, should I send her some communication to that effect? I've asked my attorney, but she has pretty much left it up for me to decide.

What would be your thought processes on this question?


----------



## Conrad

Hold off until she cooperates.

(I know I REALLY surprised you with that advice)


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Hold off until she cooperates.
> 
> (I know I REALLY surprised you with that advice)



Would you try to convey that to her in an email, if you were in my shoes, or just let "sleeping dogs lie," and just keep her wondering what's going on in my camp by continuing the 180?


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> Would you try to convey that to her in an email, if you were in my shoes, or just let "sleeping dogs lie?"


Let it ride.

You will be getting that big fat slow-pitch right down the middle in the next several weeks/months.

You know it.

Just wait.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Let it ride.
> 
> You will be getting that big fat slow-pitch right down the middle in the next several weeks/months.
> 
> You know it.
> 
> Just wait.



*And I'm greatly awaiting my turn at the plate!*


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *And I'm greatly awaiting my turn at the plate!*


Just make sure she continues to underestimate you.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Just make sure she continues to underestimate you.


Just continuing to richly play myself out to be "dumber than a stump," brother!


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

I finally received STBXW's 2010 cell phone logs from the cell-phone carrier.

After close examination, her EA with OM#1 began no later than March 2010, with other data retrieved that indicated overnight trips to his city by May of that same year which is when the PA likely started. One episode is so painful, I can't even bring myself to relate it to you, but maybe in time; one of my most trusted confidantes here at TAM knows about it!

Mind you, I'm holding down the fort at this time, richly and lovingly doing all of the household and farming duties that were assigned to me, and not having the remotest clue about her hormonal escapades. At that time, she'd be gone from home, come back, and then to avoid any suspicion, she'd literally throw me in the bed and haul my ashes to hell and back! I just never had a clue!

In November, she also had a long talkfest with this guy while she was away in Hawaii on business. She barely had time to communicate with me, but she ran up triple digit minute phone calls to him, both going out and coming in. November is also notable because that is when OM#2 started his FB activity with her and started phoning her. It's also when she sent me an email asking me what it was that I liked about her and to try to convey that to her upon her return. Interesting!

I'm still awaiting the cell-phone records from January, 2011 through April, when STBXW's FB activity and her travel activity to his city was quite prevalent with both of the OM.

I'm glad that I now know, but it makes me feel totally rotten. All I can do is accumulate, evaluate, digest, and get it ready to forward to my attorney. Hope something breaks soon as there's no activity presently transpiring in the legal arena right now!

Thanks for reading and for letting me vent! Love you guys!


----------



## arbitrator

Having analyzed some two years worth of STBXW's phone records, it's pretty evident that she had her first PA with OM#1(*Austin*) in March, 2010, one entire year prior to her asking for the separation. She places a phone call to him at 4:45PM the day prior to leaving town, then she leaves bright and early the next day for his city on the pretense of business. She calls him at 9:10AM along the way and ends up in his city at 10:30AM. Her last cell phone call of the day was at 7:07PM and her next phone call was at 10:01AM the morning after, both from his hometown. That gives her a rich 15 hour window to play with her whoopie-cushion, spend the whole next day there with him~ strange that there are no phone calls to him during this time and she makes it back home by 9:05PM that night.

That's just one example of many.

So I'm busy typing the STBXW's FB postings up for my attorney and will be turning over all of this information to them early next week.

Think that it will be rather sweet to add both OM's names to my witness list. My oldest son, however, asked that I not let any legal action take place until after his tuition check has cleared and that he is well into his fall semester. So I think that I can acquiese him on that request!

Anyway, I'm greatly ready for this nightmare to end so that I can move on and try to find some special lady worth my love and affection!


----------



## happyman64

Yes. I think it will be sweet of you to add both OM to the witness list.

I bet they both thought they were so special.

Nail her butt Arb!

Get her to the bargaining table.

I give your boy credit thinking of the tuition.


----------



## arbitrator

*Update*:

Visited with counsel earlier today and received some relatively good news.

It seems that STBXW sent me an email this weekend asking why I had been "non-responsive" for almost 6 months to her proposal of my paying her $300- per month plus 6-1/2% interest for pretty much the rest of my life. Attorney recommended for me not to respond to it, or to even communicate in any form whatsoever with her.

Attorney said that the prenup basically trumped community property, but since STBXW didn't have me sign off on any repayment of anything provided to me, that anything that she conveyed to the boys or me were construed to be strictly a gift.

Ergo, she could make no claim for repayment by me for anything in the 7-1/2 year span of our marriage. Therefore, it would be a huge win for me. Basically, we both walk away from the marriage with what we each have and owe the other nothing, with each paying our own respective legal bills. 

Divorce finalization would occur in either late September or early October. Now, STBXW could frown on the ruling and appeal, but that would , in essence, delay the divorce. Plus she would have to post the appeal bond and pay the appellate expenses, thus throwing more good money into the legal pit after bad money!

Regarding STBXW's cell-phone record activity with both of her BF's, all that they could be used for is to show "interested parties," i. e. her/my family, who was at fault/adulterous in the course of the marriage, and recommended doing just that as soon as the ink was dried on the divorce decree.

So it does appear that I'm now beginning to see the light at the proverbial end of the tunnel and that there doesn't seem to be a freight train attached to it!


----------



## happyman64

THat is good news Arb.

Just promise me that when the D is final you will at least drop the bomb on her and the family what she was doing while married to you.

Just a sweet parting gift from you!
:lol:


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> THat is good news Arb.
> 
> Just promise me that when the D is final you will at least drop the bomb on her and the family what she was doing while married to you.
> 
> Just a sweet parting gift from you!
> :lol:


Being hopefully perceived as a good Christian man, I cannot readily subscribe to gloating! But then, there's nothing that says that I can't certainly think about it!


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

Oldest College Senior Son was told over the weekend that his "alumni bud," my STBXW, will no longer contribute to his tuition, as she has done for the past years without the least equivocation. He now is between the proverbial "rock and a hard place" because tuition is due and fall classes resume tomorrow. I can get him the funds from my retirement, but it might take a week or more before we see them.

He's to the point of throwing his hands up, at least for this semester, and just working. Then saving up a little bit and just returning to school in the spring semester.

Bless his heart, he's becoming as jaded about her as I am.

My youngest received an academic scholarship and starts his College Freshman year first thing tomorrow morning!


----------



## happyman64

Congratulations on your youngest. Soory to hear about your oldest Arb. The kids are starting to see what she is really like. A selfish Biotch that cannot keep promises or vows.

My oldest starts college next Saturday. Oh Joy!

One down, two to go.


----------



## GTdad

arbitrator said:


> He's to the point of throwing his hands up, at least for this semester, and just working. Then saving up a little bit and just returning to school in the spring semester.


Not an ideal situation, but I had to do the same one semester. Worked on the Grounds Maintenance crew at A&M. On the bright side, I discovered that I enjoyed assembing irrigation systems.


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *Update:*
> 
> Oldest College Senior Son was told over the weekend that his "alumni bud," my STBXW, will no longer contribute to his tuition, as she has done for the past years without the least equivocation. He now is between the proverbial "rock and a hard place" because tuition is due and fall classes resume tomorrow. I can get him the funds from my retirement, but it might take a week or more before we see them.
> 
> He's to the point of throwing his hands up, at least for this semester, and just working. Then saving up a little bit and just returning to school in the spring semester.
> 
> Bless his heart, he's becoming as jaded about her as I am.
> 
> My youngest received an academic scholarship and starts his College Freshman year first thing tomorrow morning!


Arb,

Of course they'll see what she is.

Time is the great healer.

Hang in there good man.

The dark night is almost over.


----------



## arbitrator

Sorry I haven't been around as I've been moving one son into Aggie housing and the other down the road into Juco housing, along with relocating myself into small diggs.

It seems that as an 11th hour occurence, STBXW called senior son and informed him that she would transfer the funds for his tuition into his bank account after all, so that he could go online and pay that.

He was resigned to not going but now will attend; however, it has done little to change his overall perception of her.

In a way, I'll just consider it as a small intervention on God's part.

Guess I'd better get back to moving boxes! Keep us in your prayers!


----------



## happyman64

Arb

Sad that she has to mess with boys as well as you.

Please burn this woman soon via your attorney. She really deserves it.

Hm64


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> Arb
> 
> Sad that she has to mess with boys as well as you.
> 
> Please burn this woman soon via your attorney. She really deserves it.
> 
> Hm64


Tell her to "Come and Take it!"


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arb
> 
> Sad that she has to mess with boys as well as you.
> 
> Please burn this woman soon via your attorney. She really deserves it.
> 
> Hm64



Thanks, Happy! But there's not a lot that can be done to her other than to walk away from her without owing her anything~ and that, in itself, is greatly symbolic of a Pyrrhic victory.

Been moving alone all morning. Then my eldest college senior son got his ass over his back after coming to me for financial help for a battery replacement for "my" car that the STBXW signed over to him. No sooner than he put the check in the bank, he showed back up lambasting me for what a terrible father I was, why I didn't have money while all of the other kids that he runs around with had parents who were uber-wealthy and how STBXW was much more of a provider to him and to my youngest that I ever was. I told him that if he wanted the lifestyle his that his stepmom was providing and didn't want a poor dad, to just knock himself out. But I wasn't going to speak to him again until such time that he could find it in his heart a heartfelt apology for those caustic remarks of his made to me.

I've still got about three large pieces of furniture that I'll have to get some independent help with moving either later today or early tomorrow. Meanwhile, I've got enough small stuff to pack to keep me out of trouble!

Miss conversing with all of you guys~and please continue to keep us in your prayers!


----------



## Conrad

Wish I lived closer brother, I'd bring my SUV


----------



## happyman64

Sorry to hear that Arb.

And just remember that kids are young and dumb sometimes.

And you know what Arb money does not bring happiness.

Just look at your STBXW.

HM64


----------



## happyman64

Arb

I will tell you a quick story that you should tell your son about. My family is middle class. Which means barely making ends meet.

My daughter chose all good schools that she applied for. My wife and I send All our kids to Catholic school. We spend about 24K a year in education.

I told my oldest that she better get a scholarship if she wants to go to Boston College or Bostn Univ.

A few weeks go by and my daughter goes to a friends house. My wife picks her up and when they get home they both cannot get over how big the house is, how big the cabana and pool and how nice the cars they drive.

My daughter blurts out "Why are we poor, I am embarrassed that I cannot bring my friends home to this crappy house".

I turn around to my daughter and wife. I tell my daughter to get her laptop out, go on google and look up this girls dad. They have a very distinct Greek last name.

A list of warrants for his arrest and numerous court appearances are listed on multiple pages.

I read the court minutes to my wife and daughter. This friends Dad was in jail for 2 years for stealing over 400 million dollars. He did the jail time and kept the money.

I turned around to my daughter and told her that at least mom and I did not steal to pay for this house and her education.

I also told her to open her eyes and not be naive when it comes to her friends.

Tell your son that story.

I like working for a living.

It will be his turn sometime soon I expect.

HM64


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad: And I'd take you up on your offer if you were closer to Aggieland, too! Anyway, I got several of the smaller things out of here today, but will finish with the big stuff tomorrow, as the lady who is moving in to my current house has graciously volunteered the services of her BF to help me. So it shouldn't take all that long. Look for a PM from me.


----------



## arbitrator

Thank God! The move is all but completed. A little like living in a warehouse and the ISP finally got around to getting both my landline and internet hooked back up. Now I can remember why I've always hated moving so much!

My attorney sent me a copy of an email yesterday that she sent to STBXW's counsel basically stipulating that we were in agreement to basically let both parties take out of the marriage what they brought into it. And because of no firm, signed, contract establishing repayment of personal loans/debts in the embodiment of the prenup, that that was a moot issue. ETA for the divorce still seems to be on or about *October 15th.*

So now the "legal" ball is over in their court!

But all in all, the boys are off to college and Arb's now just a semi "empty-nester." My Aggie son came by earlier this afternoon to see the Florida game with me(and I might add that he wasn't exactly real thrilled with the outcome). But having those two knuckleheads of mine at home certainly does ol' Dad a hell of a lot of good!

So glad to be back in your presence again, TAM! Missed y'all!


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

When do the call logs see daylight?


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> When do the call logs see daylight?



*[Explanation by my legal counsel]*

From the legal angle(at least in Texas), the presence of a prenup trumps the standard community property statute, thereby prohibiting evidence, testimony, and procedure in that arena. In essence, with the prenup squarely in place, all that can be litigated is the prenup itself since the only grounds required for that are for "irreconcilable differences."

That being said, there is not one precept within the embodiment of that existing prenup that stipulates any form of a "repayment" of a loan, grant, or any other conveyance from her to me; in essence, it means that any request from STBXW for say 250k, 70k, or even 1 red cent is now a moot issue, unless of course, I agree to it.(I haven't exactly lost my mind yet, so rest assured that that scenario won't happen!) She cannot collect because there was no existing clause within to stipulate that. Ergo, STBXW walks away with what she brought into the marriage; I walk away with whatever I brought in, and all debts incurred by us will now all go to her because the prenup did not in any way address that issue.

If STBXW doesn't like that, then she can readily petition the court to accordingly waive the prenup and then go the community property route~ something that could ultimately serve to be even more detrimental to her financial favor. Also, the rules of court and resulting grounds for divorce(inclusive of adultery) would drastically change, and the fault of whoever aided to the dissolution of the relationship the most, could now be brought forth; with evidence, witnesses and testimony potentially introduced to effect that cause. That means we could then introduce the cell-phone records into evidence, subpoena both BF's to be called in as our hostile witnesses and have a veritable media day in the confines of a small rural county courthouse, something that she nor her family would exactly want to see happen.

The ball is now over in her court to decide accordingly.

Now given the premise that we choose to each jointly walk away, my question now is to solicit advise on exactly to whom and when to disclose the content of those cell-phone records to.


I'm greatly in favor of disclosing them to at least one of her siblings, as well as a couple of mutual friends of ours. Who else might you advise?


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *[Explanation by my legal counsel]*
> 
> From the legal angle(at least in Texas), the presence of a prenup trumps the standard community property statute, thereby prohibiting evidence, testimony, and procedure in that arena. In essence, with the prenup squarely in place, all that can be litigated is the prenup itself since the only grounds required for that are for "irreconcilable differences."
> 
> That being said, there is not one precept within the embodiment of that existing prenup that stipulates any form of a "repayment" of a loan, grant, or any other conveyance from her to me; in essence, it means that any request from STBXW for say 250k, 70k, or even 1 red cent is now a moot issue, unless of course, I agree to it.(I haven't exactly lost my mind yet, so rest assured that that scenario won't happen!) She cannot collect because there was no existing clause within to stipulate that. Ergo, STBXW walks away with what she brought into the marriage; I walk away with whatever I brought in, and all debts incurred by us will now all go to her because the prenup did not in any way address that issue.
> 
> If STBXW doesn't like that, then she can readily petition the court to accordingly waive the prenup and then go the community property route~ something that could ultimately serve to be even more detrimental to her financial favor. Also, the rules of court and resulting grounds for divorce(inclusive of adultery) would drastically change, and the fault of whoever aided to the dissolution of the relationship the most, could now be brought forth; with evidence, witnesses and testimony potentially introduced to effect that cause. That means we could then introduce the cell-phone records into evidence, subpoena both BF's to be called in as our hostile witnesses and have a veritable media day in the confines of a small rural county courthouse, something that she nor her family would exactly want to see happen.
> 
> The ball is now over in her court to decide accordingly.
> 
> Now given the premise that we choose to each jointly walk away, my question now is to solicit advise on exactly to whom and when to disclose the content of those cell-phone records to.
> 
> 
> I'm greatly in favor of disclosing them to at least one of her siblings, as well as a couple of mutual friends of ours. Who else might you advise?


How about the wives of the posOM's?


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> Interesting in that I have been told by another mutual friend FB user that STBXW has just recently updated her FB profile with a nicer, more recent profile pic, has deleted her standing marital status(divorced), and has evidently deleted her incriminating posts, and, in the process, seems to have made her page rather "family friendly."
> 
> Interesting and timely turn of events, I'd have to say!


Very interesting and very timely!


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> How about the wives of the posOM's?


While one is single(divorced), the other is very much married and has a high standing in his community.

Disclosure of the litany of their cell-phone phone records to their respective wives/significant others would be an absolute "no-brainer!"


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> While one is single(divorced), the other is very much married and has a high standing in his community.
> 
> Disclosure of the litany of their cell-phone phone records to their respective wives/significant others would be an absolute "no-brainer!"


Glad to help brother.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Glad to help brother.


And Conrad, no one quite appreciates your care and concern more than I do! Glad to have you there in my corner! Thanks, friend!


----------



## arbitrator

*Question:*

With the timeline of the final gavel falling on my impending divorce from STBXW, looming sometime within the next month or two, I have these questions:

(1)* Given that I still want to make full disclosure to a handful of her family and friends regarding her voluminous cell-phone and texting records and the marked evidence of her relationship/adulterous activities with the "other men"(both EA/PA) while both living with me as her husband as well as during the separation phase;* *Do you still recommend that I take that course of action?* And if so:

(2) *Do I send STBXW a "letter of closure" detailing the sordid evidence that was uncovered with the note that I have sent this same information to "numerous" family members of hers as well as to some of our mutual friends?* (I only actually plan on sending it to no more than three.)

I see advantages in doing both, but which, in your opinion would ultimately end up serving me the best?

(3) *Do I forward this information to our former MC? STBXW still sees this person as an IC, but I seriously have my doubts that she has ever disclosed any of the details of her adulterous affairs to them. Would there be anything that could even be remotely gained from this?*

(4) *Should I inform both of the OM's about the presence of each other in this longstanding adulterous relationship triangle? And possibly their spouses and significant others?*

And finally:

(5)* Once the decree is final, how soon would you recommend that I start the dating process again with other women, given that my separation has been in excess of some 16 months now without stooping to her level of seeing other men during the course of our marriage? Or am I just jumping the gun here in your humble opinion?*


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

You disclose this information to whomever you wish without telling her a thing.

If that person was your marriage counselor, I would include them.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> You disclose this information to whomever you wish without telling her a thing.
> 
> If that person was your marriage counselor, I would include them.



My rationale in the suggestion of a "closure letter" to STBXW was nothingmore than executing some form of a time-consuming mechanism to keep her sorry self busy in looking for the proverbial leaks in the dam, thereby forcing her to ferret out who actually had the information and who did not; thereby causing her to have numerous "Come to Jesus" meetings with many of her "uninformed" relatives/friends. And in actuality, it certainly wouldn't give her time enough to really put any kind of a positive spin on it in order to even try to bolster or solidify her already weakened position. Not that she would even give a damn!


----------



## bandit.45

Yes to all Arb. 

So has the hag spoken to you at all since your move?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Yes to all Arb.
> 
> So has the hag spoken to you at all since your move?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Nada!*


----------



## bandit.45

Print out all the texts and call logs, organize them chronologically and then take them to Kinkos and make twenty copies or so. Have them spiral bound with a nice cover letter from you on top exlaining what they are....you know, make a nice presentation. Then pass them out as gifts to her family and friends for Christmas.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

bandit.45 said:


> Print out all the texts and call logs, organize them chronologically and then take them to Kinkos and make twenty copies or so. Have them spiral bound with a nice cover letter from you on top exlaining what they are....you know, make a nice presentation. Then pass them out as gifts to her family and friends for Christmas.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh Bandit. That is pure evil genius. I like it.

Now if Arb could figure out a way for this STBXW to pay for it that would be classic.

Maybe Arb can send it as if it was from his wife and why her marriage failed.

HM64


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Print out all the texts and call logs, organize them chronologically and then take them to Kinkos and make twenty copies or so. Have them spiral bound with a nice cover letter from you on top exlaining what they are....you know, make a nice presentation. Then pass them out as gifts to her family and friends for Christmas.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandito/HM:

If I get hurt, it was definitely from reading both of your posts. I damn near fell out of my chair laughing. So I'm holding you two responsibile for your actions!

Mesquite grilled steaks/drinks on me when I can get you all together. And if I have to organize that long-talked-about spring hog hunt to do it, then so be it. It'll be fun!

My thanks to you both and also to Conrad for helping me retain some semblence of my sanity. If it wasn't for you guys and everyone else here at TAM, I'd have gone off the deep end long ago! Love all of you TAM guys and gals!


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> Bandito/HM:
> 
> If I get hurt, it was definitely from reading both of your posts. I damn near fell out of my chair laughing. So I'm holding you two responsibile for your actions!
> 
> Mesquite grilled steaks/drinks on me when I can get you all together. And if I have to organize that long-talked-about spring hog hunt to do it, then so be it. It'll be fun!
> 
> My thanks to you both and also to Conrad for helping me retain some semblence of my sanity. If it wasn't for you guys and everyone else here at TAM, I'd have gone off the deep end long ago! Love all of you TAM guys and gals!


The .45-70 is cleaned, oiled, sighted in and ready for blood. Just say when.

Serve the steaks to us hot. 

Serve the revenge on your STBXW cold....ice cold. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> The .45-70 is cleaned, oiled, sighted in and ready for blood. Just say when.
> 
> Serve the steaks to us hot.
> 
> Serve the revenge on your STBXW cold....ice cold.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I just kinda figured that we could just place that beer right up next to her heart; that way, when we got ready to drink it, it would be unimaginably cold!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> I just kinda figured that we could just place that beer right up next to her heart; that way, when we got ready to drink it, it would be unimaginably cold!


She has to be a Redskins' fan.


----------



## happyman64

Hogs Huh,

Stop referring to your STBXW like that Arb!

You can call her a pig, we will not be offended!!!:rofl:

Looks like I will have to break out Daddy's 30-30 and oil it up.

Send copies of manifesto to both men's wives or family if you can.

Might as well treat them like family to.


----------



## bandit.45

Arb, if you do go through with the exposure, what do you think her reaction will be? Full frontal assault of your character, or will she slink into a hole and wait for the storm to pass? As nrcissistic as she is, I can't see her taking it lying down.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

bandit.45 said:


> Arb, if you do go through with the exposure, what do you think her reaction will be? Full frontal assault of your character, or will she slink into a hole and wait for the storm to pass? As nrcissistic as she is, I can't see her taking it lying down.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


From Arbs evidence all his STBXW has done is take it lying down.....A lot of lying down with both of the OM.

Sorry I could not resist.

HM64
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Arb, if you do go through with the exposure, what do you think her reaction will be? Full frontal assault of your character, or will she slink into a hole and wait for the storm to pass? As nrcissistic as she is, I can't see her taking it lying down.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandito: Great point!

Let me digress: We have nearly 24 months of cell phone records from the carrier, Verizonwireless, attached to her phone number that was on my cell phone bill. The bill came to me namely, not her! Although she always paid it. I was either too trusting or too naive to examine them at the time, thinking that nothing was wrong.

Given that, she can badmouth me~ but the fact remains that with that the inordinate number of calls, the multiplicity of cell phone minutes engaged in talking with both OM as compared to me, the timelines of those conversations, and the apparent travel habits to the OM's locales as exhibited by the cell-phone call logs is totally incontrovertible.

She can try suing Verizon~ fruitless; She can try suing me~ fruitless. I'd worry more that since she's a card carrying member of NRA, that she'd pack her pistolero around looking for me.

She would lose face with her family and might possibly subject herself and her no-account kids to the forfeiture of any of her family estate when her parents pass.

For her to pursue this particular course of action would totally be nothingmore than a "lose-lose" proposition for her!

My gut tells me that as soon as the divorce is final, that she will immediately run to "*Austin's*" loving arms and maybe execute a future prenup with him!


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> From Arbs evidence all his STBXW has done is take it lying down.....A lot of lying down with both of the KM.
> 
> Sorry I could not resist.
> 
> HM64
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lying down, kneeling, or on her knees~ you name it! She loves them all! More especially with her OMen!


----------



## bandit.45

Arb. Brother... Don't say that stuff at your next deacon's meeting. 

Damn...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oneMOreguy

bandit.45 said:


> Arb. Brother... Don't say that stuff at your next deacon's meeting.
> 
> Damn...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


this is when a like button is just not enough


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Arb. Brother... Don't say that stuff at your next deacon's meeting.
> 
> Damn...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not even remotely a member! But your point is well-taken!


----------



## bandit.45

Just don't be saying that stuff at the next church potluck. 

You know....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Just don't be saying that stuff at the next church potluck.
> 
> You know....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Amen, Brother!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Update* 

My son made this revelation to me as we were driving home together from working a game together.

About 1-1/2 weeks ago, my eldest college-aged son was invited to and attended the latest installment of a "family reunion" in a neighboring city for my STBXW's paternal family, also taking along my youngest son with him. There, they got to see a lot of their cousins and other relatives that they rarely ever get to see anymore.

While most of the folks there were more than cordial and loving toward them, there were a handful whose "mysterious" behavior toward them really bothered my eldest. A well-meaning male cousin about his age approached him and asked him how his school, career-choice, love-life, et. al. was going, and he responded back to him that things seemed to be going OK. Then he asked him, "Well, how is your Dad surviving?" You know that he made a terrible mistake in leaving STBXW, and now he must be paying terribly for it!"

Son then told him that "Dad is doing alright and is in great spirits. But I'll bet that you didn't know the whole story." Cousin replied that "I think I know enough."

Then son approached this boys parents, sister and BIL of STBXW, and was all but given the cold shoulder by them, barely even saying "Hi!" to him.

Don't exactly know what the "official storyline" is that STBXW is sowing amongst her kin about me, but it must be pretty good.

My attorney will not let me disclose any of my STBXW's cell-phone records showing her unfaithful tendancies to anyone until such time that the ink is fully dried on the divorce decree.

While initially humorous, it appears that Bandito's fantastic suggestion of going to Kinko's and copying and binding copies of these records as Christmas gifts and distributing to her family may actually be the way to go. I know that like with any book, some will get trashed; but I'd think that there is an element of her clan who might actually stand up and take notice!

In any event, it would be quite a price to pay in order to prove my innocence versus her verbage to them about me, but at the same time, to be able to richly paint my STBXW for the adulteress and for the liar that she truly is!


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

Would you expect any less from a lying conniving cheat?

I'm thinking Bandito's suggestion becomes "Plan A"

What a wonderful Christmas gift for all of them - but only after the divorce is final and you are "untouchable" legally.


----------



## Conrad

I mean, it would also be a thoughtful and appropriate "Valentine's Gift" from the Arbitrator to his estranged ex-in-laws.

Don't you think?

"Come and Take It" - Indeed


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> I mean, it would also be a thoughtful and appropriate "Valentine's Gift" from the Arbitrator to his estranged ex-in-laws.
> 
> Don't you think?
> 
> "Come and Take It" - Indeed



In thinking this through, I'd do it with one small exception: that being that STBXW's mother is in her mid-80's, in somewhat frail health, and that I absolutely love this lady like I would my own mother. But if MIL ever finds out, then it needs to be from her own kids or kin. But doing so could very well come to knock STBXW from receiving any form of inheritance from her family's estate, when that time would ever come.

I'd see to it that both her brother and sister would get personalized copies along with several other of the family notables/"allies"(cousins, aunts, uncles, et. al.) from STBXW's family, along with a handful of our mutual friends who continue to remain friendly with me.

I've even actually entertained starting up my own FB page and posting up those records for all to see. But something inately tells me that after having seen those records posted up there, STBXW would still not find it in her heart to ever "friend" me!

.


----------



## Conrad

There's nothing like a handwritten cover letter accompanying such a gift to get someone's attention.


----------



## happyman64

Arb

When you are ready to publish and mail let me know how I can help defray some of the cost. If I can donate TAM I can certainly Help with the postage.

I never mind contributing when it kills some evil.

:gun::gun:

Get that d done Arb then release the pigs.

Man I can't wait too taste that barbecue buddy.

Roasted exwife.

HM64


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> There's nothing like a handwritten cover letter accompanying such a gift to get someone's attention.


*Totally!*


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arb
> 
> When you are ready to publish and mail let me know how I can help defray some of the cost. If I can donate TAM I can certainly Help with the postage.
> 
> I never mind contributing when it kills some evil.
> 
> :gun::gun:
> 
> Get that d done Arb then release the pigs.
> 
> Man I can't wait too taste that barbecue buddy.
> 
> Roasted exwife.
> 
> HM64



HM:

My mother, a dear old Southern cook of great renown, who has passed on to her Heavenly reward and whom I'm quite sure has been made in charge of "Southern cuisine" up there in Heaven's Kitchen always admonished us about one very large culinary rule:

"Never cook anything that nobody will eat!" I think that we'll just stick with the hogs that get knocked down by you, Bandito, Conrad, GTDad, et. al., on our Spring hog-hunt!

And I know for a fact that these "four-footed rooters" would taste just a heck of a lot better, too! After all, smoking them real good over either mesquite or hickory, would leave a heavenly taste in your mouth that absolutely "wouldn't lie to you!"


----------



## arbitrator

Also need to add a personalized copy of "the book" to STBXW's IC and, while we were together, our MC. Think I'll just hand deliver that particular copy as that lady probably doesn't even have the remotest clue(at least from STBXW) about any of her horizontal shenanigans!


----------



## bandit.45

Arb I am envisioning the copies bound in a beautiful transparent red plastic covers with black spirals. Red being the color of wh0redom, and black representing evil. 

If and when we go hog hunting, lets dig a big pit. We'll take all the detritus from your marriage....everything that reminds you of your past with her, and burn it in the pit. Throw in some mequite and old lumber, get a big pile of coals going, throw in some river rock, and wrap that hog in tin foil and muslin and bury the porker for 24 hours. 

Best damn way to roast a swine there is. Oh, and I'm not talking about your ex by the way.


----------



## arbitrator

Sounds like a plan, guys! We're getting our fair share of rain over here now, so the "pig-digs" ought to start cropping up quite a little bit!


----------



## arbitrator

*Question for my advisors:*

In my forthcoming "compendium" of the incriminating cell phone, as well as the texting records, of my STBXW for a two year period of time which shows her going from "0 to 100 mph" in her pursuit and attraction to her OM:

*(1) Would you just print out the color-coded copies of of those phone records along with the statistical analysis of those calls/texts, and leave it at that?*

*(2) In addition, would you offer commentary on the more poignant parts of those records, attempting to try to tie together the loose ends that a lot of her family/friends still don't even have a clue about? And by also asking some very pointed and relavent questions about her travel habits and her phone calling habits as well as her modus operandi?*

The later would, in my opinion, tend to serve me better and would make a far more compelling case against her with those people. 

I do not mind the added tasks of writing, nor the inherent expenses, as that's one thing that I absolutely love to do anyway. But I will undertake this project only after the ink is totally dried on the divorce decree and I am totally insulated from having her try to use that "compendium" against me in some other way, notably libel. 

We all know that the most common defense to libel, however, is "the truth," and those phone records would fastly point in that general direction.

Any thoughts or commentary?


----------



## vi_bride04

I think if you don't write out and explain things, the easier it will be for her to justify, blameshift and make it look like it was "nothing".


----------



## arbitrator

vi_bride04 said:


> I think if you don't write out and explain things, the easier it will be for her to justify, blameshift and make it look like it was "nothing".


Of the nearly 17,000 cell-phone minutes(only to her OM and me), and her 4,500+ text messages, over the course of some 16 months, less than 5% of those calls were to/from me and the other 95% were to her two OM. Almost none of the texts, however, were ever to/from me as she had always told me that she thought that texting, in and of itself, was "juvenile!"


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> Of the nearly 17,000 cell-phone minutes(only to her OM and me), and her 4,500+ text messages, over the course of some 16 months, less than 5% of those calls were to/from me and the other 95% were to her two OM. Almost none of the texts, however, were ever to/from me as she had always told me that she thought that texting, in and of itself, was "juvenile!"


That executive summary should be in your cover letter.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> That executive summary should be in your cover letter.


Conrad/Bandito/HM64:

I'd be totally honored and esteemed to send you all a copy of the prototype (when it is done) for you to peruse, so that you could offer any needed constructive criticism, that I might better end up submitting a most polished and revered final product!


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> Of the nearly 17,000 cell-phone minutes(only to her OM and me), and her 4,500+ text messages, over the course of some 16 months, less than 5% of those calls were to/from me and the other 95% were to her two OM. Almost none of the texts, however, were ever to/from me as she had always told me that she thought that texting, in and of itself, was "juvenile!"


I would highlight the specific text but I would also issue a summary page in the beginning with your summary of texts, the percentage to you vs. the OM.

Just so none of your readers are confused.

That sends a very clear message about why your marriage ended.


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

You could also include that STBXW thought "texting was juvenile" -and after seeing the number of texts that she logged between herself and her two posOM's, you totally agree.


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> Conrad/Bandito/HM64:
> 
> I'd be totally honored and esteemed to send you all a copy of the prototype (when it is done) for you to peruse, so that you could offer any needed constructive criticism, that I might better end up submitting a most polished and revered final product!


Ill PM you my email if you'd like. I'd be honored to proofread it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I agree with Conrad. I would provide a summary at the beginning, complete with a pie chart even! I would lay it out in the form of a chronilogical journal, divided month by month with a total of texts/calls at the end of each month and total minutes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Power Point presentation!!!

With laser pointer and coffee / donuts for the show!


----------



## vi_bride04

UpnOver said:


> Power Point presentation!!!
> 
> With laser pointer and coffee / donuts for the show!


This made me laugh out loud for real....! Ha ha ha


----------



## bandit.45

Seriously. Are you going to do this Arb?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Seriously. Are you going to do this Arb?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandito: After what happened to my oldest son at that recent "family get-together" of theirs, I can only imagine the "story-line" that has been so richly put forth by STBXW to her "kith and kin" regarding the failure of our marriage.

Now I am definitely man enough to say that I was not the most fastidious, handsome, rich, or successful husband or boyfriend that STBXW has ever had in the scope of her lifetime. And I'll gladly take the blame for at least not being that in her eyes.

But when she adopts the mantra of wrapping herself up in the cloak of Christ, God and Country, and being a family woman; and then for some 16 months, rampantly runs the roads in search of fun and recreation with males from her far-removed past, and then hides under the security blankets provided by FB, her cell-phone records/bills that I never got to initially see, and God knows whatever else; and most notably my former state of exercising my enduring trust in her and just my plain old ignorance; and then she so calculatingly seeks to richly place the bulk of that blame on my narrow shoulders, then I'm starting to believe that the truth, or the greater semblence of it, needs to, somehow, find daylight and finally meet the eyes of her loved ones and friends so that they might better come to grasp a true glimpse of the conniving woman that she has so richly portrayed through this entire mess. 

Now they may end up not giving as much as a "tinker's damn" about the information that they will receive, but it would either show them the light of day, or conversely, what very shallow people that they really are. Her family and trusted friends need to have this opportunity to know the preponderant truth of who that greater fault in the relationship's demise actually came to rest with.

To that end, I feel that I need to proceed with this plan with all deliberate speed, pending the finality of the relationship in a small, rural Texas county court house. That is of course, unless you can come up with an even more suitable alternative.


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> Bandito: After what happened to my oldest son at that recent "family get-together" of theirs, I can only imagine the "story-line" that has been so richly put forth by STBXW to her "kith and kin" regarding the failure of our marriage.
> 
> Now I am definitely man enough to say that I was not the most fastidious, handsome, rich, and successful husband or boyfriend that she has ever had in her lifetime. And I'll take the blame for at least being not being that in her eyes.
> 
> But when she wraps herself in the cloak of Christ, God and Country, and being a family woman; and then for some 16 months, runs the roads in search of fun with males from her far-removed past, and then hides under security blankets provided by FB, her cell-phone records/bills, and God knows whatever else; but most notably my former enduring trust in her and just plain old ignorance; and then so calculatingly seeks to richly place the blame on me, then I'm thinking that the truth, or the greater semblence of it, needs to find daylight and finally meet the eyes of her loved ones and friends so that they might better come to grasp a glimpse of the conniving woman that she so richly portrays.
> 
> And they may end up not giving a "tinker's damn" about the information that they receive, but it would either show them the light, or in the later, what very shallow that they really are.
> Her family and trusted friends need to have that opportunity to know the truth of who that greater fault in our relationship's demise actually came to rest with.
> 
> To that end, I feel that I need to proceed with this plan. That is, unless you can come up with a more suitable alternative.


You have my vote. I am always big on setting the record straight.

And you are right, her family might not care. But if kids were getting crap due to misplaced perception of the truth I would give one great effort at bringing the truth to light.

Not for revenge but to accurately portray what really took place in your marriage.


----------



## bandit.45

Go for it! Go Arb! Go Arb!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Go for it! Go Arb! Go Arb!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's why I am appointing you Bandito, along with Conrad and HM64 to be my editorial "Committee of Three" to read the finished product in order to help me place the best possible product that I can upon the table!


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> That's why I am appointing you Bandito, along with Conrad and HM64 to be my editorial "Committee of Three" to read the finished product in order to help me place the best possible product that I can upon the table!


With pleasure Arb!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

Oldest son picked up a rather large envelope of tax return info from STBXW earlier today. She dropped the bomb on him that she would likely no longer pay any further college tuition for him. But he wasn't totally shocked by that declaration of hers.

The strange thing is the envelope itself smells like she has sprayed it with her trademark cologne/perfume. I mean it is strong. I just can't believe that this was done solely by accident.

Does anyone else here at TAM remotely read anything into this? Or am I just imagining things? I mean, I placed the envelope in the hallway, and I can smell it all the way out here in the family room!


----------



## bandit.45

To cover up the smell. She's batsh!t.

I guarantee you she slept hanging upside down when you weren't around. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## oneMOreguy

bandit.45 said:


> To cover up the smell. She's batsh!t.
> 
> I guaruntee you she slept hanging upside down when you weren't around.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


...gawd....I snorted reading that...so loud that my boss who was walking by did a 180 to see what just happened....:rofl:


----------



## happyman64

Arb,

In the 1800's and 1900's prostitutes used heavy perfume to mask the scent of sex because of all the John's these ladies were servicing.

Your STBXW is showing you her skill set very clearly now.

HM64


----------



## arbitrator

oneMOreguy said:


> ...gawd....I snorted reading that...so loud that my boss who was walking by did a 180 to see what just happened....:rofl:


Don't be snorting *oneMo*; someone may think that your going cardiac on them. Welcome to the thread!


----------



## arbitrator

Oh, FYI: My son informed me tonight that STBXW was now working at a local health food store. Greatly makes me wonder if her "worldwide investments" have started heading South! Or perhaps maybe positioning herself to ultimately buy out the store!


----------



## Chaparral

She put the perfume on the letter because she thinks you are an idiot and have no idea what she has been up to.


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> Oh, FYI: My son informed me tonight that STBXW was now working at a local health food store. Greatly makes me wonder if her "worldwide investments" have started heading South! Or perhaps maybe positioning herself to ultimately buy out the store!


She's a batsh!t hippie greenie now. 

What happened to her career as a professional horse bum? She blow all her money on hauling her trailer all over the US.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> She's a batsh!t hippie greenie now.
> 
> What happened to her career as a professional horse bum? She blow all her money on hauling her trailer all over the US.


Bandito: To my knowledge, she still has a small bevy of appaloosa horses out at her folks ranch. I'll give her credit there: she is a one very accomplished horsewoman. 

But while I loved feeding them and taking care of them, riding one absolutely scares the batcrap out of me. Guess that stems back to when I was 12 and my dear old grandpa put me on the back of his steed, told me to take the reins, and then then he slapped that old nag on the backside which took off with me like a Polaris missle. Let's just say that I decided to dismount while the horse was running full stride. Grandpa sure did laugh his butt off, but it broke me of ever wanting to get back on.

They are truly majestic animals and I greatly miss getting to be around them!


----------



## arbitrator

chapparal said:


> She put the perfume on the letter because she thinks you are an idiot and have no idea what she has been up to.


Chap: To my knowledge, she still largely thinks that I'm as dumb as a stump, and that's the way I truly want it. After all, "Silence is golden."

But, alas, there is always a time and a place for everything, including full disclosure, which greatly gives me something to look forward to!


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

Met with attorney and paralegal yesterday afternoon. They went over the prenup and helped to amend figures making me as close to indigent as they could possibly do. Strategy seems to be in trying to put this to bed by December 31st. That, coupled with the fact that STBXW's attorney is actively involved as defense counsel in a rather lengthy criminal trial in yet another county. 

By placing everything on his narrow shoulders at this inoppurtune time would either make him want to negotiate quickly, ask for a lengthy extension of the action at STBXW's expense~ with a greater liklihood that the judge would deny it, or simply force STBXW to procure other counsel.

I'm told it's highly likely that the monetary demands of STBXW will be presented in court but will be ruled as "frivolous" because the prenup made no real mention of joint marital expenses and that any expenses/loans incurred/guaranteed by STBXW for me or my sons would simply be deemed to be "gifts."

If STBXW objects, then she could pursue getting that money back, so long as it was documented, but would also have to do it by agreeing to take the divorce to community property. But there ain't exactly a great deal of strategy there for her, as community property hearings in Texas embrace an "at-fault" hearing. 

In that scenario, not only would STBXW have to subject her assets to judicial scrutiny and possible forfeiture, it would allow us to play the adultery card thereby calling in both of her OM as hostile witnesses to testify against her and to further offer up explanations to their own respective families as to why they would have to travel hundreds of miles away to some far-off rural county court room in order to testify.

My lawyer would greatly embrace that, but thinks that STBXW might actually come to her senses and simply pack up what cards she has left to play, accept amicable divorce and just go to the house.

Hope springs eternal!


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:* Mostly Reminiscing:

This weekend, I was fortunate to have been selected to referee a State Semi-final High School Football Game up in North Texas.
I travelled up there from Aggieland some 3-1/4 hours away with my sons in tow, feeling very good about me and them and just looking forward to a family getaway.

Flashback: Two years ago, prior to my ultimate knowledge of the demise of my marriage, STBXW had a nephew of her's who was a high school student and football player, who was playing in a state championship game at the very same stadium that my 2012 game was played. Since I had no games that week, she asked me and my sons to go up there to watch that game and then stay over an extra day to see several other state championship games out at JerryWorld in Arlington.

The trip up was about as non-romantic or non-family type as I could imagine. STBXW slept most of the way up, and when she was awake, wouldn't talk to me but did so to my boys, kind of leaving me out in the cold.

She had booked hotel rooms in the area and the four of us completed the trip, checked into the hotel, saw the nephew's game that night, and then came back to the hotel following the game. Upon arriving back, the boys were hungry and she was most insistent that I take them out for dinner~ and saying she didn't really want to go because she had eaten stuff at the stadium and just didn't feel much like it.

At that late hour, we couldn't really find anything open where we could sit down and eat, so we settled for a Mickey D's situated around the corner and elected to just bring the food back to the hotel. 

Arriving back at the hotel with our food, we entered STBXW's and my room to which she hurriedly dropped a cell phone call inquiring what we were doing back so soon. Explaining that we wanted to eat there, she went on back to her reading. A little later, I opted to go shower and came back out some 20 minutes later.

The next morning, STBXW sleepily announced that she didn't want to accompany us to the other games as she had some book work that she wanted to stay at the hotel to do. So the three of us(boys and I) went to the games. We again came back early but this time she wasn't dropping cell calls. I asked her if she wanted to get something to eat and she basically intoned that she had to start watching her figure and was staying at the hotel, sending us out to once again find a place to eat our dinner.

Fast Forward: Almost 9 months after our May, 2011 separation, when I ultimately discovered her litany of cell-phone calls and text messages richly proving her EA's, I sadly found out that she had been freely communicating with one of her OM while we were away from the hotel on those two days. That was all but totally sickening!

While enroute to the stadium, passing along the freeway there, I saw the hotel where we stayed on that previous trip and the sheer memory of it just balled itself up in the pit of my stomach thinking back to her clandestined communication with her OM.

During the game, I couldn't help but look up into the stands at the approximate area where we had sat that night, knowing that she had relegated me to a row beneath her because she wanted a place to put her coats and programs that was near her.

Now I know more than ever that I was then had fastly become her "step-and-fetch it." A mere 2-1/2 months later was when she ordered the separation planned for late May.

I worked what I truly feel was a stellar game last week, but the memory of what went on in that stadium and in that hotel just 2short years ago literally made me sick.

In retrospect, I am either way too trusting, or I am the world's biggest fool!


----------



## happyman64

> In retrospect, I am either way too trusting, or I am the world's biggest fool!


You are just a man that loved a woman. That woman turned out to be a liar, manipulator and overall selfish person.

How you handle your D and nail her in the end will determine what kind of man you are.....

Go get her Tiger. Make sure your side is heard.

Did you start printing the journal of all her nonsense for Bandit45 and I to proof read for you?

Let me know if you need some $$ for Kinko's.

I'm in!!!

Stay strong Arb. 

HM64


----------



## old timer

Percy Sledge - When a Man Loves a Woman - YouTube


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> You are just a man that loved a woman. That woman turned out to be a liar, manipulator and overall selfish person.
> 
> How you handle your D and nail her in the end will determine what kind of man you are.....
> 
> Go get her Tiger. Make sure your side is heard.
> 
> 
> Stay strong Arb.
> 
> HM64


Thanks, Happy:

Gameplan is still on! Just waiting for the hammer to finally fall in the courtroom, so as not to jeopardize the outcome!

May not need Kinko's to get the info to you as I may be able to transmit it to you via a zip file. But I'm taking your advice and planning to do a most professional printing job!

As always, thanks for your loyal support, Hap!


----------



## arbitrator

*Pre-Christmas Eve Update:*

Senior college aged son called me while enroute back home tonight from the Houston area. He said that he had been called by STBXW and that he and my freshmen son were invited to attend Christmas Eve Services with her in our old hometown with her family.

Sr. son subsequently has been asked to spend Christmas Eve with his girlfriend and her family in her hometown, which he asked me about previously and I gave my ardent blessings to. In lieu of that, I planned on taking younger son to an early Christmas Eve dinner with me, and then attending Candlelight Service at our church later in the evening.

Frosh son just told me that he wants to do Christmas Eve with STBXW and her family as opposed to spending it with me. I had asked him earlier if he had communicated with STBXW and he told me "No!" Then through talking with my Sr. son about his conversation with STBXW, he intoned that STBXW had indeed talked and formulated holiday plans with Frosh son.

Confronted with that info, Frosh son admitted having talked with her and said that he just wanted to go to see family cousins at STBXW's. I asked him if my feelings and plans meant anything to him and all that he replied with was that he was not going to get in to the middle of our messy divorce~ I quickly retorted back to him that regardless of whether he was proactive or passive about formulating those plans, that he, indeed, was a part of it. And that he had a real family here and a pseudo-family there.

I basically told him that he could stay Christmas Eve with STBXW, and that he could even stay Christmas there as well, but that he would have to arrange for his own transportation back home.

So now it looks like Christmas Eve alone again, and the possibility of Christmas with only Sr. son.

It really looks like STBXW is exercising her manipulative and monetary control over my sons(her stepsons~ not her kids at all) just to make me miserable at what should be the most sacred family time of the year.

Or am I the one being selfish here? Should I call STBXW in on her tactics? Just in need of your input and advice! Thanks, guys!


----------



## old timer

I don't think I would. I would WANT to, but don't think I would do it.


----------



## happyman64

Kids are funny Arb.

You are not being selfish.

And STBXW is e eating control over them. Nothing you can do right now about it.

Let the boy make his mistakes. He needs to learn to be his own man.

Enjoy Xmas no matter what.

And when you finish your evidence journal do not forget to send a copy to her Pastor since your wife s such a good, giving Christian (insert sarcasm)........


----------



## 06Daddio08

I agree with Happy.

My children are very young (6 and 4).

But yours are old enough to make there own decisions.

I do not see an issue with you expressing your feelings in regards to him not wanting to spend Christmas with you though.

The thing is.

It's up to him where he wants to go.

He has every right to make his own personal choices.

Although, to me there is no problem with you not wanting to cater to his transportation needs.

Just as he's old enough to decide where he wants to go.

He's old enough to arrange transport.

My only concern is that if she is indeed manipulating him.

Rather then what he says (wanting to see cousins).

That you will start to drive a wedge between you and your children if you are too confrontational with it.

Hope that helps Arb!


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Kids are funny Arb.
> 
> You are not being selfish.
> 
> And STBXW is eating control over them. Nothing you can do right now about it.
> 
> Let the boy make his mistakes. He needs to learn to be his own man.
> 
> Enjoy Xmas no matter what.
> 
> *And when you finish your evidence journal do not forget to send a copy to her Pastor since your wife s such a good, giving Christian (insert sarcasm)........*



Actually, copies are to go to both of them who participated in the wedding ceremony! 

Thanks, Hap! Love you, man!
Check in with me during the holidays!


----------



## happyman64

Love you too Arb!

Never let her win. Beat her in the end......

She deserves to be taken down a notch.

Have a great Xmas no matter what.


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Love you too Arb!
> 
> Never let her win. Beat her in the end......
> 
> She deserves to be taken down a notch.
> 
> Have a great Xmas no matter what.



Will do, Brother!

You know, the thought did occur to me, albeit late, that I ought to just send everyone in her family Christmas presents~ framed photos of STBXW sitting and posing with her lardass BF in that Crescent City restaurant last Mardi Gras!

Now what a way for them to officially welcome in a brand "new" member to their family!


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> Will do, Brother!
> 
> You know, the thought did occur to me, albeit late, that I ought to just send everyone in her family Christmas presents~ framed photos of STBXW sitting and posing with her lardass BF in that Crescent City restaurant last Mardi Gras!
> 
> Now what a way for them to officially welcome in a brand "new" member to their family!


Sounds like a good phase one after the divorce.


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

Oldest son got onto FB today and looked at STBXW's page.

There on January 19th was a posting of a pic of STBXW, her lardass OM along with some former mutual friends(husband and wife) with the four of them striking a pose of looking so very "ga-ga" lovingly at their love interest with the caption, True Friends!

On January 7th, she posted a remark about wishing that one of her friends had been with them when she and OM joined a group of her mutual friends in New Orleans in November 2011 for a week-long vacation, with the comment, "Too bad she wasn't in NOLA with us in Nov. 2011. That night was magic!" Mind you, when that little honeymoon trip occurred for her, we're still very much married, but only 5 months separated, with no divorce petition yet on the table!

Another observation that I made about her was that, whereas she used to loathe tele-evangelistic pastors, now she has a couple of them that she had previously sarcastically renounced, as her new "likes" and "friends." Isn't that utterly amazing?

And the sad thing was that some of STBXW's family's friends who I had believed had thought highly of me was busy "liking" all of her posts, including her lovey-dovey pose with her Mr. Lardass.

Greatly makes me wonder exactly what kind of tripe that she's been spreading around about me, in order to remain politically astute and acceptable by both her family and her friends!

I am, pretty much, saddled with needing to analyze this info for possible legal reconnaissance and edification. But bottom line, it's absolutely sickening to see that stuff. I'm sorry, but while some of her info is rather interesting to see, I do not believe that I could ever bring myself to take a dose of having to read those on a daily basis! Those syrupy words of hers, while being so seemingly self-assuring and justifying to her viewership, are totally beyond sickening, at least to me!

More especially since no one other than her and Mr. Lardass, as well as a select few of her FB friends seem to know what the unedited covert truth is. Or so they think!


----------



## bandit.45

Are you still planning to put together the exposure packets to send out to all her relatives after the divorce is finalyzed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Are you still planning to put together the exposure packets to send out to all her relatives after the divorce is finalyzed?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, Bandit! Just as soon as all of the legal proceedings are over with. I still feel that both her brother and sister need to know along with both of her pastors, and "our marriage counselor"/who is "her IC," and a few selected mutual friends in the mix.

Legal proceedings have largely stalled because STBXW's attorney is currently representing someone in a large profile criminal matter that is unexpectedly extremely time consuming. My lady attorney said that she would only let it go on so long before she would make a motion to the court to force him off of the case primarily because he has had since early November, 2011 to bring the case to a close and seemingly just wants to milk STBXW's rather large retainer mostly for inconsequential legal work.


----------



## bandit.45

Too bad your lawyer won't let you expose...but that's what you're paying the lawyer for. I bet you are chomping at the bit...especially after the Christmas fiasco with your boys (who should have their a$$es kicked, IMO).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

Bandito: I will definitely be glad when it's finally over. IMO, the delay is greatly over STBXW's inability to come to terms with not trying to sue me through her prenup, which is what she would like to do; if for no other reason, just an astute hatred of me. It is my perception that all she really wants to do is to legally spend me into oblivion on our court case~ and in the process, try to put a 60 year old pensioner out on the street ~ kind of like the plot in the Dan Akroyd/Eddie Murphy Trading Places movie from a few years back.

In any event, it is still rather painful for me to look at her FB and catch up on family news that way. But I do get a lot of info that way from some of my well-meaning mutual friends!


----------



## bandit.45

It will be over soon Arb. Be patient and stay the course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pidge70

arbitrator said:


> Bandito: I will definitely be glad when it's finally over. IMO, the delay is greatly over STBXW's inability to come to terms with not trying to sue me through her prenup, which is what she would like to do; if for no other reason, just an astute hatred of me. It is my perception that all she really wants to do is to legally spend me into oblivion on our court case~ and in the process, try to put a 60 year old pensioner out on the street ~ kind of like the plot in the Dan Akroyd/Eddie Murphy Trading Places movie from a few years back.
> 
> In any event, it is still rather painful for me to look at her FB and catch up on family news that way. But I do get a lot of info that way from some of my well-meaning mutual friends!


I'm thinking a* HUGE TAM BBQ* at your place this summer would be a much needed respite for you sir!......


----------



## arbitrator

pidge70 said:


> I'm thinking a* HUGE TAM BBQ* at your place this summer would be a much needed respite for you sir!......


That, m'dear, is definitely within the realm of possibilities! All that will really need to be done is just getting Bandit to come on down here and assisting some my local buddies in helping to eradicate some of the local ferral hog population for an "all-the-baby-backs-you-can-eat" feast! Add potato salad, slaw, charro beans, Texas Toast, pecan or coconut cream pie, and plenty of cold brew~ it'd be rather tough to beat!


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

Here it is, February 28th, STBXW's 57th birthday. Under normal circumstances, I'd be busy busy plannning for it, getting gifts, arranging for family dinner plans, but that's not really in my job description anymore~ but I guess that when things come around like her birthday, anniversary, significant holidays, I find myself second guessing what our future could have been had she kept "off" of FB and kept her jeans "on!"

But with the shoddy, heartless way that she sprang all of this on me, I quickly quit reminiscing about those effervescent qualities of hers that fastly drew me to her, and just richly take her for the deceptive, cheating woman that she, in reality, turned out to be!

Just having those occasional heartfelt flashbacks, but at the end, I realize the truth, and am hoping that I will, in some way, be freed from that onerous deception by the issuance of that forthcoming divorce decree.

My heartfelt thanks to all of my TAM brothers and sisters who have continued to stand by me with their presence and advice to help prop me up to withstand the pain from this tumultuous storm.

It is truly something that I wouldn't even want my worst enemy to have to endure!


----------



## old timer

I second that, arb. 

TAM isn't a good place to be...but it's a good place to be. 

Know what I mean?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *Update:*
> 
> Here it is, February 28th, STBXW's 57th birthday. Under normal circumstances, I'd be busy busy plannning for it, getting gifts, arranging for family dinner plans, but that's not really in my job description anymore~ but I guess that when things come around like her birthday, anniversary, significant holidays, I find myself second guessing what our future could have been had she kept "off" of FB and kept her jeans "on!"
> 
> But with the shoddy, heartless way that she sprang all of this on me, I quickly quit reminiscing about those effervescent qualities of hers that fastly drew me to her, and just richly take her for the deceptive, cheating woman that she, in reality, turned out to be!
> 
> Just having those occasional heartfelt flashbacks, but at the end, I realize the truth, and am hoping that I will, in some way, be freed from that onerous deception by the issuance of that forthcoming divorce decree.
> 
> My heartfelt thanks to all of my TAM brothers and sisters who have continued to stand by me with their presence and advice to help prop me up to withstand the pain from this tumultuous storm.
> 
> It is truly something that I wouldn't even want my worst enemy to have to endure!


I am so looking forward to those FB/chat/text logs being delivered to appropriate parties post D.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> I am so looking forward to those FB/chat/text logs being delivered to appropriate parties post D.


It'll truly be a sheer pleasure in being able to forward those to my trusted friends here and to work in formulating a concensus for strategy in "outting her" to both her family and close friends!


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

STBXW's lawyer submitted their latest rendition of the "Final Decree of Divorce." In it, they have requested that I procure a life insurance policy on myself for $100K to be in force for a period of 20 years, whereby STBXW would be the sole beneficiary~ and provided that she predeceased me, then the proceeds of that policy would go to my sons. In either case, I would have to pay the premiums on such a policy.

Now can you even imagine what the monthly premiums are on such a policy on a 60 year old man who will be paying them up until he reaches the ripe old age of 80? They are totally astronomical!

One of my very good friends said that by letting her have the possibility of insurance proceeds from me would be tantamount "to putting a large bullseye on my back!" And that's even if I relented and gave her permission to buy such a policy on her own!

Well, my learned legal counsel advised striking the entire clause, which is the course of action that we took.

In yet another clause, she also wanted to claim the dependency exemption for my oldest son; since STBXW had given him financial aid in college. We also struck that clause, since that he is now over the age of majority, that would be something that he would have to do, and certainly not me!

In essence, it shows that she is either in the market to cash in on her perceived financial losses from the marriage, or that she is wanting to do this to openly seek to cause emotional turmoil, knowing that I don't have the financial well-being and resources to fight this from a legal perspective, not nearly as much as she is.

Our reply and counter-decree goes out next week so we'll just have to sit back, then wait and see what transpires next!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *Update:*
> 
> STBXW's lawyer submitted their latest rendition of the "Final Decree of Divorce." In it, they have requested that I procure a life insurance policy on myself for $100K to be in force for a period of 20 years, whereby STBXW would be the sole beneficiary~ and provided that she predeceased me, then the proceeds of that policy would go to my sons. In either case, I would have to pay the premiums on such a policy.
> 
> Now can you even imagine what the monthly premiums are on such a policy on a 60 year old man who will be paying them up until he reaches the ripe old age of 80? They are totally astronomical!
> 
> One of my very good friends said that by letting her have the possibility of insurance proceeds from me would be tantamount "to putting a large bullseye on my back!" And that's even if I relented and gave her permission to buy such a policy on her own!
> 
> Well, my learned legal counsel advised striking the entire clause, which is the course of action that we took.
> 
> In yet another clause, she also wanted to claim the dependency exemption for my oldest son; since STBXW had given him financial aid in college. We also struck that clause, since that he is now over the age of majority, that would be something that he would have to do, and certainly not me!
> 
> In essence, it shows that she is either in the market to cash in on her perceived financial losses from the marriage, or that she is wanting to do this to openly seek to cause emotional turmoil, knowing that I don't have the financial well-being and resources to fight this from a legal perspective, not nearly as much as she is.
> 
> Our reply and counter-decree goes out next week so we'll just have to sit back, then wait and see what transpires next!


It may be nearing the time when you want to start hinting around about the type of misery you are capable of causing her.


----------



## Awakening2012

Good to hear your update and know you are nearing the finish line -- can't wait for you to be truly free to start a fresh new chapter!

Best Wishes, - A12


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad: My lady legal counsel feels rather positive that she is in the process of playing a winning hand. I would think that STBXW's motivating force now is that she wants this to be over with so she can be free to unconditionally commit herself as well as her money to her "lardass BF."

Since we don't really communicate anymore, hinting is no longer part of our repertoire.

I'm greatly looking forward to seeing her brother's jaws drop to the floor when he finally peruses and digests "my report with the attached phone records." I'm more than positive that it will differ greatly from what she has already shared with him as "her side of the story!"

I feel that she then might possibly have some "splaining to do," in essence piling yet another plethora of lies on top of an already massive pile of them!


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh man I can't WAIT for you to do your exposure!!! 

Sounds like you are in alot better place than a few months ago, arbitrator


----------



## Chaparral

I sure do not see how delaying exposure is helping you. Looks to me like exposure would make her want you out of her hair.

She is thd one dragging this out for her own reasons. She doesn't believe for a minute a person in their right mind would accept what she keeps proposing.


----------



## arbitrator

Chap: I personally want to expose~ yesterday even! But legal counsel recommends no contact with her or her family until such time that the divorce decree is signed and the gavel falls. In essence, if I expose prior to that, she could drag it on out indefinitely as she has the money to do just that.

Recent reconoscience is telling us that she is now wanting to hurry primarily because of her social standing with "Lil' Lord Lardass."

Truth be known, I want her extended family to know, because from a fault, they have always been more than wonderful to me, and they greatly need to know that they have a liar and a cheater living in their very midst!


----------



## arbitrator

*Update: April 23, 2013*

STBXW's attorney sent back our proposal for the Final Decree of Divorce and we were shocked to see that they still had not dropped their request for the $100,000 life insurance policy on myself, with monthly premiums to be paid solely by me, for a period not to exceed 20 years, when I'll reach the virile age of 80. STBXW is named as the sole beneficiary, but in the event of her death, then any proceeds would go to my own two sons!

So it would appear from their vantage point that the "bullseye" is still firmly attached to my back!










The second shocker was that on her inventory list, she is now mysteriously listing the car that she "gave" to my eldest college-age son several months ago, as her personal property. I have an email sent by her conveying that car as a gift to him, so all that I can really say to her is "Good Luck, Sweetheart!"

I still haven't waded through the entirety of their reply, but in its present form, I think that I'm just about to the point to tell my attorney to just announce to the court, "Ready For Trial, Your Honor!"

You can't exactly squeeze blood from a turnip, but if you have the financial resources to pay your lawyer, then I'd greatly venture that you can damn well try!


----------



## Awakening2012

Hi arbitrator - 

Jeeze, I'm sorry to hear she's still being so obstinate and unreasonable with attempts to squeeze you financially even post-divorce via the life insurance policy. How much are the premimums, I wonder? Will you counter or just agree to this to get it done?
Good luck!

Best Wishes,- A12


----------



## arbitrator

Awakening2012 said:


> Hi arbitrator -
> 
> Jeeze, I'm sorry to hear she's still being so obstinate and unreasonable with attempts to squeeze you financially even post-divorce via the life insurance policy. How much are the premimums, I wonder? Will you counter or just agree to this to get it done?
> Good luck!
> 
> Best Wishes,- A12


A2012: STBXW's net worth is in the millions! Compared to her, my net worth is somewhere just this side of abject poverty. Her initial demand was that I was to pay her $250,000 for "her perceived amount" that she deemed that I owed her for "my fair share" of the 7-1/2 years of our marriage.

Her prenup insulates her from my going after any of her monetary or physical assets, but she seemingly thinks that she can go after what little that I have left.

*I disagree with the life insurance policy on several various points:* 
Premiums for an old fart like myself, who has had a history of heart problems coupled with bypass surgery, ain't exactly going to be cheap!
Making me pay for premiums on that policy that I can ill afford to pay!
Her being the beneficiary of those proceeds, on me "croaking" literally makes me sick to my stomach.
It truly makes me look like I have the proverbial bullseye plastered right on my back, knowing that I could possibly "get it" at any time!
STBXW's deceased first husband, a chronic alcoholic, died after she had divorced him a year prior, under some very mysterious circumstances. She received the proceeds from a life insurance policy that he had, which ultimately went to their three minor kids through her, of course. 
I just don't want to be seen as a "revenue generator" for her, even if she agreed to pay the premiums ~ even that would make me feel even more leary of her!

At this juncture, I'm just all too ready to head straight to trial!


----------



## happyman64

Go to trial.

And bring your book of evidence.

Ask for depositions from the OMen just to get her going.

I would think she will see reason once she understands what you know.

Then send the evidence to her entire family if she still does not see any reason.


----------



## Awakening2012

Hi arbitrator - 

Wow, that's insane, man! You have to get that provision dropped! I know you want to get it over with, but you've waited this long, why not counter with something that throws her a bone on some other pont of contention, but insist that this is unreasonable and must be dropped -- if not, you might do better going to court and letting a judge decide?

Best,- A12


----------



## old timer

You two don't have any children together, right?

What possibly could be the justification for YOU insuring YOUR life and her being the bennie?

(BTW - if the vehicle title was never transferred into your son's name, and there is no signed BOS or transfer agreement, I doubt she can be forced to turn the car over to your son. JMO) 

.


----------



## arbitrator

Awakening2012 said:


> Hi arbitrator -
> 
> Wow, that's insane, man! You have to get that provision dropped! I know you want to get it over with, but you've waited this long, why not counter with something that throws her a bone on some other pont of contention, but insist that this is unreasonable and must be dropped -- if not, you might do better going to court and letting a judge decide?
> 
> Best,- A12


Unless STBXW has lost her ass with a lot of her portfolio investments and stocks heading South, she doesn't really need the money!

And even if she has lost her financial backside, I simply don't have any funds to give her!

I mean, what's she going to end up doing? Have me thrown into a "debtor's prison?"


----------



## Awakening2012

arbitrator said:


> Unless STBXW has lost her ass with a lot of her portfolio investments and stocks heading South, she doesn't really need the money!
> 
> And even if she has lost her financial backside, I simply don't have any funds to give her!
> 
> I mean, what's she going to end up doing? Have me thrown into a "debtor's prison?"


Hi arbitrator - 

Her position is utterly defenseless and unreasonable -- you've got to push back, but do so all Conrad-like: calm, cool, dispassionate  "I am not OK with that provision, and we can take this to court if you continue to insist."

Best,- A12


----------



## arbitrator

old timer said:


> You two don't have any children together, right?
> 
> What possibly could be the justification for YOU insuring YOUR life and her being the bennie?
> 
> (BTW - if the vehicle title was never transferred into your son's name, and there is no signed BOS or transfer agreement, I doubt she can be forced to turn the car over to your son. JMO)


She did sign a state transfer conveyance form, but not the actual title. Lawyer seems to think that the signing of that form conveys an implied intent of a gift. That coupled, with the fact that we paid for the insurance, as well as the maintenance, on the vehicle, more especially, after the date that she actually signed off on that form, and given that she did not materially contribute to its upkeep or maintenance, pay the state licensing or inspection fee, or offer to do the same for any of these incurred costs, anytime after that particular date does not particularly bode well for her case!

I'm thinking that all of this saber-rattling has to do with her attorney trying to milk her hefty retainer for all that it is worth before the case comes to some form of finalization!


----------



## old timer

arbitrator said:


> I'm thinking that all of this saber-rattling has to do with her attorney trying to milk her hefty retainer for all that it is worth before the case comes to some form of finalization!


Bingo - probably spot-on...


----------



## Awakening2012

old timer said:


> Bingo - probably spot-on...


I agree :smthumbup:


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> Go to trial.
> 
> And bring your book of evidence.
> 
> Ask for depositions from the OMen just to get her going.
> 
> I would think she will see reason once she understands what you know.
> 
> Then send the evidence to her entire family if she still does not see any reason.


Arb,

It's time to show your hand.

She's going to fold like a cheap camera.

After it's over, expose the pompous gasbag anyway.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> It's time to show your hand.
> 
> She's going to fold like a cheap camera.
> 
> After it's over, expose the pompous gasbag anyway.


'Rad: I totally agree!



But as long as it's being done under the auspices of the prenup, the Texas Family Law Code only allows us to proceed under "no-fault" rules. In essence, she's totally insulated from all of the bad things that can come about in an "at-fault" divorce proceeding; both of her boyfriends remain untouchable as for being compelled to testify; and her assets remain totally off limits!

Now if she sees from the court records that I'm "as poor as a church mouse" and she can't really recover anything monetarily from me, then her only viable recourse would be to sue me under the Texas Community Property Code ~ which requires an "at-fault" hearing. At that point, we can then subpoena both of her boyfriends to testify against her, upsetting their families and her family all in the balance. Plus she would then, by default, throw all of her assets into the "poker game" for judicial examination and scrutiny!

And should I threaten to file for bankruptcy, then it could go to an "at-fault" hearing.

Oh, yes! We'll bait the trap ~ but it will largely be up to her if she takes the cheese! Now provided that she or her attorney is either stupid, greedy, or egotistically pompous enough ~ then I would fully expect that she might possibly do it!


----------



## Conrad

This could shape up to be a very lucrative year for you.

I would imagine that particular shix sandwich would go down very hard for STBXW.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> This could shape up to be a very lucrative year for you.
> 
> I would imagine that particular shix sandwich would go down very hard for STBXW.


Only if she's stupid or arrogant enough to try to digest it!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> Only if she's stupid or arrogant enough to try to digest it!


Equal parts of both - IMHO.


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

Nine years ago today, and almost to the very minute, I was preparing to drive in to my new hometown for my massive wedding to the last loving woman who I ever thought that I could fall in love with. It was a beautiful day, sunny, with hardly a cloud in the sky!


With a huge church wedding and over 300 guests, and with a big gala social reception afterward, it was what storybook endings are truly all about.

Nine years later, while I should be near being a broken man, I can only thank God, for bringing me out of my own personal fog of denial, and for supplying me with the absolute truth of what "a patsy" that I had allowed myself to become by richly thinking that this loving _laissez faire_ marriage of ours was going to be the best in the world. My heart poured over with love for her, but in retrospect, I don't really know if there was any true reciprocity on her part other than for a late middle aged socialite that "needed" marriage to richly sustain her social status.

The wedding guests came and went and as the two of us were left alone to put away our wedding gifts and prepare to leave the country for the honeymoon, a thunderstorm of massive proportions blew in. Of late, I have revisited that occurence and gave thought to it that it was perhaps an ominous sign.

Perhaps it was, but instead of being that "broken man" that I referred to earlier, I'd rather consider myself a "learned man" knowing that you can teach an old dog new tricks!

And while I thank God for all that was good that He saw fit to bestow upon me from that Union, I give Him my unending thanks and love for my loving sons and my family, and for those many friends that He has so lovingly bestowed upon me, who are just as loving as family can be. But instead of being the Ninth Anniversary of a loving marriage, I can only see it as the Ninth Anniversary to a bad and misguided memory where for one of us, love was only a unilateral pretext rather than being lovingly mutual in the way that our Creator had planned. But despite it's shortcomings, I still remain so very thankful to Him for all that He has done and blessed me with!

Yes! It was a beautiful day, sunny, with hardly a cloud in the sky! Much like it is today!


----------



## happyman64

Arb

That is a great outlook on life.

But I still cannot wait for you to drop the bomb in her. 
hM


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arb
> 
> That is a great outlook on life.
> 
> But I still cannot wait for you to drop the bomb in her.
> hM


Hap: As a charter member of my star advisory committee, you'll also be amongst the first to receive this litany of info. And as always, I honestly appreciate your input and true candor on this. Hopefully, it won't be that much longer in coming!

Look for a later IM from me! Take care, Sir!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> Hap: As a charter member of my star advisory committee, you'll also be amongst the first to receive this litany of info. And as always, I honestly appreciate your input and true candor on this. Hopefully, it won't be that much longer in coming!
> 
> Look for a later IM from me! Take care, Sir!


Damn, the wheels of justice turn slowly.

Happy Anniversary Keith.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Damn, the wheels of justice turn slowly.
> 
> Happy Anniversary Keith.


Rad! Thanks, Kind Sir!

In the proposed divorce decree, it looks like the sticking points seem to be with STBXW still wanting me to pay for 100k of life insurance on me, and with her named as the sole beneficiary, for a period of 20 years, when I'll turn 80. My legal team disagrees because it greatly would look like that STBXW is placing a rather large bullseye on my back, not to mention that I couldn't even afford the monthly premiums for such a policy!

And there is also disagreement about some of my personal belongings including inherited personal property from my own family that is still in her keeping, that she has steadfastly decided not to release until actually ordered to do so by a final decree of divorce. Since she's paid her attorney a five-figure retainer, I'm just surmising that he's going to milk that for all that it is worth.

Just greatly looking forward to placing this particularly ugly chapter of this mundane life of mine way out of my memory banks!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> Rad! Thanks, Kind Sir!
> 
> In the proposed divorce decree, it looks like the sticking points seem to be with STBXW still wanting me to pay for 100k of life insurance on me, and with her named as the sole beneficiary, for a period of 20 years, when I'll turn 80. My legal team disagrees because it greatly would look like that STBXW is placing a rather large bullseye on my back, not to mention that I couldn't even afford the monthly premiums for such a policy!
> 
> And there is also disagreement about some of my personal belongings including inherited personal property from my own family that is still in her keeping, that she has steadfastly decided not to release until actually ordered to do so by a final decree of divorce. Since she's paid her attorney a five-figure retainer, I'm just surmising that he's going to milk that for all that it is worth.
> 
> Just greatly looking forward to placing this particularly ugly chapter of this mundane life of mine way out of my memory banks!


Arb,

It's likely time to show your hand.

I'm thinking she'll fold.

Then you can expose anyway.


----------



## arbitrator

Counsel tells me there is no legal precedent for what she's proposing. Only that they'll hope that I'll hurriedly sign off on that decree, richly giving her what she feels that she is duly entitled to. Well, "that ol' dog ain't gonna hunt!"

Her reported romance with Li'l Lord Lardass has not diminished and given time, hopefully she'll throw her hands up in the air and acquiese, hopefully able to move on to her next conquest with moving her "new man" into the "big house."

It's my aim to objectively inform her family about the true timeline of her activities with these OM of hers, showing that the aforementioned activities, actually had already been well-initiated long before my "exile" from the domicile, as well as away from her extended family with some kind of a false, placating explanation!


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

Yesterday at about 1PM, I received a chain of 4 separate emailings from STBXW all with a plethora of pic attachments of my separate personal property that she was sending over to me. I quickly then forwarded those emails/pics to my attorney/paralegal for their edification!

Well, the wedding band(STBXW's chosen diamond studded wedding ring) of my mothers as well as her other expensive jewelry were also included, along with a lot of other of her antique furnishings and various nick-nacks.

Oldest son went by our old home(I guess that it's high time to just start calling it "her home" now) late last night and brought them in to me. Well, after having woken up this AM, I went ahead and opened up the box marked "valuables" and found the items. I was so glad to get them back and now must get them to the safe deposit box.

But in opening and examining each of the items, I was brought back to all of those heartfelt memories of exactly how much that I loved that woman from the initial act of falling in love with her all the way even well after her "deceptive request" for her to move me out of the home in order to effect a "trial separation" so that we could try to work out our issues and then shoot for reconciliation.

Looking at all of the promises of that wedding ring and all of the hope that I had steadfastly held for us just brought tears to my eyes to the point that my oldest woke up and asked if I was OK!

Perhaps this is part of the healing process ~ I truly hope that it is. Got a lot of warehouse work to do today with shuttling some of those items over there for storage.

Meanwhile, Y'all please continue to be in prayer for us. Love you guys! Don't know where I'd exactly be if it weren't for you!


----------



## old timer

This can be tough, for sure. Hopefully these are the last items that need to be returned. 

I don't know how to tell you to do it, but I've developed a hard, cold attitude toward my stbxw. I don't wish her any harm, but I just don't care anymore what she's doing or who she may be doing it with. 

It's a better place to be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

The final chapter will be having to go through my many boxes of clothing, shoes, books, and other assorted artifacts that remain up in her attic; all of this while she follows me around like a "mother hen" to insure that I don't take anything that isn't rightfully mine.

Also have to hand pick my books that are still in her shelves, along with my CD's/DVD's that are still in her collections.

I ain't exactly looking forward to it, but I would greatly surmise that it's one of life's little nuances that I've just got to bite my lip and subject myself to!

The thing that really bothers me is how she acts so cavalier about everything around my sons, but yet won't attempt to even give me the time of day. It's greatly like she's trying to hurt me through them! I don't want them to diss her as long as there's a viable relationship between them ~ but by golly, it still doesn't begin to diminish the pain one single bit!


----------



## GTdad

arbitrator said:


> The final chapter will be having to go through my many boxes of clothing, shoes, books, and other assorted artifacts that remain up in her attic; all of this while she follows me around like a "mother hen" to insure that I don't take anything that isn't rightfully mine.
> 
> Also have to hand pick my books that are still in her shelves, along with my CD's/DVD's that are still in her collections.
> 
> I ain't exactly looking forward to it, but I would greatly surmise that it's one of life's little nuances that I've just got to bite my lip and subject myself to!
> 
> The thing that really bothers me is how she acts so cavalier about everything around my sons, but yet won't attempt to even give me the time of day. It's greatly like she's trying to hurt me through them! I don't want them to diss her as long as there's a viable relationship between them ~ but by golly, it still doesn't begin to diminish the pain one single bit!


Let me know if you want any help for this chore. You can hire me for a buck to be your lawyer for the day so I can do the talking for you, and I'll help you move your stuff for free. 

Serious offer, Arb.


----------



## arbitrator

Thanks, GT! All that I really need is a date, pending her seemingly never-ending social itinerary, but I suppose that likely will come with the forthcoming final decree, whenever that might be. I've got the truck and the trailer and a couple of other available friends as well as my sons. 

And it might actually give you the chance to see the inside of a neat, spectacularly-built old home.

Once I get all of that stuff out of there, then disclosure documentation can fastly proceed to go out to the right people!


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> The thing that really bothers me is how she acts so cavalier about everything around my sons, but yet won't attempt to even give me the time of day. It's greatly like she's trying to hurt me through them! I don't want them to diss her as long as there's a viable relationship between them ~ but by golly, it still doesn't begin to diminish the pain one single bit!


See this is the sociopathic pathology I was telling you about. In my opinion this woman does not have the capacity for true love. Your STBXW is crazy in an evil way. It amazes me how some sociopaths to on to be superficially successful and not end up in prison. I may be reaching a bit, but I think you have underestimated the depth of her illness. 

This is a woman who feeds on creating discord. She has done her best to financially destroy you and destroy your relationship with your sons who are not even biologically hers. 

After this circus of a divorce is completed you need to get those packets put together and then carpet bomb her family and friends with them. This harpy needs to have her tail feathers plucked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## old timer

Go through your stuff.

Pick out what only what you REALLY want to keep.

Leave the rest, saying "I'll be back in after while".

Never return.

.


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

Went through all of the boxes of items that STBXW had photographed and sent by email. To the best of my examination, it appears that the items sent over are accounted for. The wedding ring and other jewelry of my Mom's has effectively been placed in my safe deposit box locally. I am stunned that I actually got her diamond wedding ring back(the one we used that had once belonged to my Mother.

Now that it's back, and although the D still not reached finalization, should just go ahead and retire my diamond wedding ring(was my Dad's), to the safe deposit box to join my Mom's, or do I just go ahead wear it up until the finalization of the D? 

Truth be known, I only wear it now solely as a remembrance of the 57 years of loving marriage that Mom and Dad spent together.

More later!


----------



## old timer

Whether to wear your ring or not is entirely your decision. 

My W took hers off over 6 mos ago, and so did I, even though I didn't want to D. 

One person can't make it work. I'm moving on. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

I feel like after two years of separation, that I am more and more finding myself in the process of moving on. For whatever reason, this wealthy STBXW, who seems so intent on losing me like a bad habit, will not pull the plug on the divorce decree, as she still firmly believes that with her millions, along with her unilateral perception of what her prenup says, that she can still collect what extremely little monetary resources that I still have left and by doing so, succeed in putting me out on the street.

It just doesn't make any sense whatsoever that someone that I had promised to give and dedicate my life to, before both God and man ~ and vice-versa, could ever conceive to plan to lay waste to someone, the way she does me.

All that I can say is that if she ever takes time to pray at night before falling asleep, I'd truly love to know where it is that her coinscience resides!


----------



## old timer

arbitrator said:


> It just doesn't make any sense whatsoever that someone that I had promised to give and dedicate my life to, before both God and man ~ and vice-versa, could ever conceive to plan to lay waste to someone, the way she does me.


As part of moving on, IMO, you must *will* yourself to not dwell on the reasons the ex does what she does. You can't forget about it obviously, because you must deal with her. But trying to fathom her reasoning is not conducive to your recovery.

After the D is final, then you can work on totally forgetting what she does.



arbitrator said:


> All that I can say is that if she ever takes time to pray at night before falling asleep, I'd truly love to know where it is that her coinscience resides!


She has a conscience, but she has rationalized that what she is doing is the just and right thing to do. Accept that.

Live well and prosper. It is the best revenge.

.


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> I feel like after two years of separation, that I am more and more finding myself in the process of moving on. For whatever reason, this wealthy STBXW, who seems so intent on losing me like a bad habit, will not pull the plug on the divorce decree, as she still firmly believes that with her millions, along with her unilateral perception of what her prenup says, that she can still collect what extremely little monetary resources that I still have left and by doing so, succeed in putting me out on the street.
> 
> It just doesn't make any sense whatsoever that someone that I had promised to give and dedicate my life to, before both God and man ~ and vice-versa, could ever conceive to plan to lay waste to someone, the way she does me.
> 
> All that I can say is that if she ever takes time to pray at night before falling asleep, I'd truly love to know where it is that her coinscience resides!


Arb,

Repeat after me....

The hell with the b!tch.

I cannot wait until you deliver those phone records.

Perhaps it's time for a bit of "encouragement" (threat) to her attorney.


----------



## happyman64

I couldn't agree more.

I will pay for the Kinkos copying and binding Arb!!!

Just remember to send Bandit a copy.


----------



## old timer

Oh hell, I'd forgotten about the exposure.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> I cannot wait until you deliver those phone records.
> 
> *Perhaps it's time for a bit of "encouragement" (threat) to her attorney*.


That's the rub, Conrad! Under Texas Family Court Rules, if a prenup is in anyway involved, then the subsequent hearing is conducted outside of community property, under a "no-fault hearing." 

Translation: STBXW could be the biggest and baddest prostitute on the planet, and under "no-fault" rules, we can't even bring up her infidelity in any way. She gets to portray herself before the Court as being ultra, squeaky clean!

Now if she sees that she cannot recover any monetary judgment from me under those prenup rules, then she is free to revert the hearing over to community property, and as such, means that she would have to throw all of her monetary and physical assets upon the table for judicial scrutiny, as well as for possible division. And as a community property issue, the rules would sharply revert from a "no-fault hearing" to an "at-fault hearing," whereby we can subpoena either or both of her boyfriends in from out of town and compel them to testify against her right there in her own home county courthouse, about their trysts, the phone records, the trips, the texts, you name it.

I realistically don't believe that either she or her high-priced attorney would be gullible enough to fall for that. If they did, it would literally be a Godsend for us!


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> That's the rub, Conrad! Under Texas Family Court Rules, if a prenup is in anyway involved, then the subsequent hearing is conducted outside of community property, under a "no-fault hearing."
> 
> Translation: STBXW could be the biggest and baddest prostitute on the planet, and under "no-fault" rules, we can't even bring up her infidelity in any way. She gets to portray herself before the Court as being ultra, squeaky clean!
> 
> Now if she sees that she cannot recover any monetary judgment from me under those prenup rules, then she is free to revert the hearing over to community property, and as such, means that she would have to throw all of her monetary and physical assets upon the table for judicial scrutiny, as well as for possible division. And as a community property issue, the rules would sharply revert from a "no-fault hearing" to an "at-fault hearing," whereby we can subpoena either or both of her boyfriends in from out of town and compel them to testify against her right there in her own home county courthouse, about their trysts, the phone records, the trips, the texts, you name it.
> 
> I realistically don't believe that either she or her high-priced attorney would be gullible enough to fall for that. If they did, it would literally be a Godsend for us!


Here's hoping.

She seems just like the kind of brassy broad who would present herself to her attorney as "pure as the driven snow"

And, as long as she paid his hefty retainer, he'd buy it.

Stay the course.


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> I couldn't agree more.
> 
> I will pay for the Kinkos copying and binding Arb!!!
> 
> Just remember to send Bandit a copy.


Hap:

I've got a local friend of mine who says that he can scan and print that mountain of papers to disc. He say's that it will hold a lot more info. I'll then send those discs to "the committee" for their due evaluation, and may well turn over any physical printing chores to you!

Would that even sound remotely doable, or does anyone else have some other viable suggestions?


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> Hap:
> 
> I've got a local friend of mine who says that he can scan and print that mountain of papers to disc. He say's that it will hold a lot more info. I'll then send those discs to "the committee" for their due evaluation, and may well turn over any physical printing chores to you!
> 
> Would that even sound remotely doable, or does anyone else have some other viable suggestions?


Arb

I will help you in any way I can with the material.

That is a promise.

HM


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arb
> 
> I will help you in any way I can with the material.
> 
> That is a promise.
> 
> HM


Hap:

You're an absolutely great guy! As are the rest of the concerned gentlemen and ladies that I've invited to help serve in putting this finished product together!

Will keep you all timely posted!

Arb


----------



## arbitrator

*To My Potential Committee Members: Please go to Private Groups and look for The "Arbitration" Committee. The Icon is from Monty Python's Crimson Permanent Assurance. 











If for some reason you can't get in, just post a quick reply or send me an IM, and I'll see to it that you get in there!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:*

Hi, Y'all! Well, just as I thought that we saw light at the end of the tunnel, and that it wasn't an oncoming freight train, quite the opposite seems to have come to fruition.

STBXW's attorney sent over a copy of a proposed decree, whereby they had proposed that the life insurance policy (which had originally been set at $100K, was now left totally "blank") that they wanted me to pay for, with her being the sole named beneficiary, that was now acceptable with STBXW paying for the premiums.

My attorney and good friends that have counseled me, told me that I should go ahead and acquiese and let her have this, if for no other reason, than to get on and get her out of my life. 

I signed the signature page agreeing to this except that we placed the $100K figure back in. Regarding the transfer of my furniture and belongings that still remain in her home, we proposed that her brother be the named overseer in that transitional process. 

Well this morning while at Church, STBXW's counsel replied by email that it was none of our business what the insurance policy amount or terms were as long as she was paying for it. Additionally, they have decided that they want me to pay her $50.00 per month with 5% interest for the duration of my life. Her counsel inferred that I was a deadbeat and that because I was insolvent or indegent, that it did not relieve me of my responsibilities in paying STBXW back what she felt that I owed her. 

Accordingly, all of this would have to be agreed to, or STBXW's counsel would immediately file for formal mediation, which could well have a $3-6K pricetag on it. And if it should end up going to trial, then I could expect to add yet another $10K bill to that figure!

And to add insult to injury, her lawyer negated her brother as the overseer, instead saying that a local off-duty police officer would serve in that capacity. It really makes me wonder if she wants to continue to keep her family in the dark about everything as well!

My counsel asked me to send her an email authorizing that if I agreed to those terms, which I'm most reluctant to do. If my counsel eventually drops me because of probable insolvency, then I'll either have to represent myself or try to find counsel who might try to work _pro bono_, but I'm just not holding out a lot of hope right now! 

No doubt, that there will be a couple of busy days ahead of me, but thanks so much for your attentive reading, and your offering of support and good counsel!

Please continue to remain in prayer for both me and my sons!

Arb


----------



## old timer

I just don't get it. 

What possible insurable interest does she have in your life?
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

Received a further email of explanation from my legal counsel regarding the e-letter sent earlier today by STBXW's legal counsel.

It seems that the $50.00 per month/5% interest that was added was to help my "poor" sweet STBXW compensate for a reportedly whopping $300.00 in overdraft charges that she accumulated and said that I was solely responsible for. Now ain't it rather funny that they choose not to bring up my STBXW electronically moving some $1,800.00 out from my account (yes, her name was on it as well) over into one of hers that I did not have access to. This was done post-separation right after I had deposited a sum of money into it from my 401K.

Additionally, my counsel further informed me that if I did not agree to the terms set forth by STBXW's attorney, then she would have no recourse other than to withdraw as my counsel. She indicated that she needed an answer from me absolutely no later than COB on Tuesday.

So the next few days should be rather busy ones, as I may well have to try to procure other counsel who will represent me for who I truly am.

I don't exactly know what the chief motivating factor is in what's spurring my STBXW on, in taking this inhumane course of action against me. I can only hope that her mantra of cheating, lying, willful misrepresentation, and stepping on me with her money and her power will someday bring her before the Creator to give Him a due and scriptural explanation for her actions in this life!


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

You sound like a victim here.

You DO have a hammer.

Let's consider using it.


----------



## happyman64

I agree.

1. Tell your attorney to do her job and defend you or you will report her to the texas bar association.

2. Tell your wife's attorney that you want life insurance policies on posom1 and posom2 since your wife put your health at risk for StD's due to all her romps.

3. Tell your wife's attorney you want the $1800.00 reimbursed or you will see her in court.

I think you need to get the dirt ready Arb......

HM


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> I agree.
> 
> 1. Tell your attorney to do her job and defend you or you will report her to the texas bar association.
> 
> 2. Tell your wife's attorney that you want life insurance policies on posom1 and posom2 since your wife put your health at risk for StD's due to all her romps.
> 
> 3. Tell your wife's attorney you want the $1800.00 reimbursed or you will see her in court.
> 
> I think you need to get the dirt ready Arb......
> 
> HM


Arb,

It's time.

BTW - your attorney's behavior confirms many people's preconceived notions about attorneys.

You do know posOM#1 and posOM#2's full names, correct?


----------



## Chaparral

Arb , you are still being a nice guy. I'm guessing as much as you have seen it recommended you haven't read NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY or MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER.

Send her attorney an email, tell him to read the prenup, tell him you would fear for your life signing the insurance policy knowing her associates and if she doesn't like it she can get money from her boy friends, insert their names here.


----------



## Conrad

Chaparral said:


> Arb , you are still being a nice guy. I'm guessing as much as you have seen it recommended you haven't read NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY or MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER.
> 
> Send her attorney an email, tell him to read the prenup, tell him you would fear for your life signing the insurance policy knowing her associates and if she doesn't like it she can get money from her boy friends, insert their names here.


Arb,

It's time to show your hand.

She doesn't wish to be embarrassed in that manner.

Do it.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> It's time to show your hand.
> 
> She doesn't wish to be embarrassed in that manner.
> 
> Do it.


Conrad:

Perhaps present counsel doesn't want to do that, greatly because she has been trying to keep my legal costs at a minimum and keeping matters above board. This counsel is the one that has advocated a "no-contact" policy with potentially sympathetic members of STBXW's family until such time that the D is consumated.

We even advocated STBXW's brother as a property transitional overseer, and she rejected him in favor of an off-duty policeman. Which greatly makes me think that there's something there that she doesn't want even him to know about.

If counsel fires me for obvious insolvency, then I'll have to leave that decision up to succeeding counsel. I have met one through my Church, who knows my situation and told me that he would help out, but would likely go the pitbull approach on them. I'm largely thinking that my counsel, while good at what she does, does not take that approach unless she is well compensated for it.

Please keep in mind that I was literally put out on the street by my brazen, unfaithful STBXW, who, unlike me, seems to have limitless financial resources in which to fight this thing with!


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

I believe it's time to sack up.

Any lawyer that would tell you not to fight and then abandon you over finances isn't worth spit.

Let's do this thing.

Your STBX's strategy the entire time has been to run you out of money.

If you have the necessary available funds to go to Fedex Office and make some copies, it's time for some hardball.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> I believe it's time to sack up.
> 
> Any lawyer that would tell you not to fight and then abandon you over finances isn't worth spit.
> 
> Let's do this thing.
> 
> Your STBX's strategy the entire time has been to run you out of money.
> 
> If you have the necessary available funds to go to Fedex Office and make some copies, it's time for some hardball.


I can do the copies ~ they're pulled and ready to go. I'd rather put them on disc though.

I'm beyond ready to visit with her brother ~ the one she turned down as transitional property administrator. In addition to informing him of the above, I'm ready to give him a copy of that evidentiary disc with the timelines and letting him see his "real sister" for the person that she truly is!

And as far as the change of attorney's might turn out, it's really just commensurate with that old saying, "Whenever God closes one door, He always opens another one up!"


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> I can do the copies ~ they're pulled and ready to go. I'd rather put them on disc though.
> 
> I'm beyond ready to visit with her brother ~ the one she turned down as transitional property administrator. In addition to informing him of the above, I'm ready to give him a copy of that evidentiary disc with the timelines and letting him see his "real sister!"
> 
> As far as the change of attorney's might go, it's commensurate with that old saying, "When God closes one door, he always opens another one up!"


Keep us advised.

See her brother with the "goods" ASAP


----------



## arbitrator

*Well, it's been awhile and I greatly felt that my TAM cohorts were due an update:
My legal counsel resigned the case and got Court approval back on August 5th.
I have visited with another legal counsel who is a member of my church congregation who deals primarily with PI cases. He has a reputation for being a "pitt-bull" and is directing me on how to file motions on my own and will step to the legal forefront once all of the paperwork is concluded.
STBXW's attorney has requested a Bench Trial on September 23rd.
I will shortly be filing a Motion for Continuance to the Presiding Judge, alerting them to the fact that I am no longer with legal counsel and will be needing a set amount of time to procure effective, affordable counsel, before being able to proceed further.
When new counsel officially takes over, they will be filing a Motion for Discovery on STBXW's assets, which could take 6 to 8 months since some of them are internationally based.
No contact from STBXW this year other than a one-line email to wish me a happy birthday back in July.
Have received information that STBXW's primary BF, Lil' Lord Lardass, has left the state and has, of late, relocated to Oregon.
STBXW still wants to have me pay for a life insurance policy on myself, of an unspecified amount of coverage. Her attorney even said that if forced to, that they would agree to pay for the premiums. I am not in agreement with this whatsoever, as it seems tantamount to painting a bullseye squarely on my back!
Because of the presence of a prenup, the hearing will largely be a "no-fault" one, where evidence of infidelity or fault is largely inadmissable. My church counsel friend indicated that they could get the infidelity information placed on the court record, but that it likely would not be considered in a verdict or a court decision.

We're coping as well as we can. I'm all too grateful for a most loving, supporting God, for my fantastic sons whose presence truly defines what love really is; for my Church family, my friends, my work associates, and for all of my TAM friends for lending me their moral shoulder of support that you have, in this now 2+ year old divorce.

I'll promise to continue keeping you all timely posted! I do love all of you!*


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

Have you outed her?


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> Have you outed her?


*No! New counsel intoned that they may well be using that in private meetings with her attorney to get her to drop her case, take nothing, and sign the decree!

Otherwise he's an older, rather accomplished trial attorney, head of his own firm in the personal injury arena, and has a reputation for taking "big dogs" down. If one of his cases settles like he believes that it will, and frees up a lot of his time, he said he would be happy to do it pro bono.

In addition, he is advocating delaying the trial as much as possible to see exactly how badly that she wants out of the marriage, to reclaim her freedom! But with the way that she's been carrying on for the past 2-1/2 years with her BF's, one might actually think that she's already reclaimed it!*


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *No! New counsel intoned that they may well be using that in private meetings with her attorney to get her to drop her case, take nothing, and sign the decree!
> 
> Otherwise he's an older, rather accomplished trial attorney, head of his own firm in the personal injury arena, and has a reputation for taking "big dogs" down. If one of his cases settles like he believes that it will, and frees up a lot of his time, he said he would be happy to do it pro bono.
> 
> In addition, he is advocating delaying the trial as much as possible to see exactly how badly that she wants out of the marriage, to reclaim her freedom! But with the way that she's been carrying on for the past 2-1/2 years with her BF's, one might actually think that she's already reclaimed it!*


I really want to see her get her comeuppance.


----------



## arbitrator

*What really chaps my backside, Conrad, is the somewhat prolonged resignation of original counsel. I feel that she did it primarily because I was running out of funds to commit to her representation. Now I find a guy at Church who tells me not to worry about it!

One other person intoned that while I originally had a master family attorney in my corner who was supposedly masterful at negotiating settlements, but conversely had a reputation of being flat scared about going to trial. Now I find a guy who has a reputation for "take no prisoners," loves the courtroom, judges, juries, and "the little guy," and is coaching me on doing the paperwork in the meantime.

It does confirm my firm belief that God truly does move in strange and mysterious ways!*


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *What really chaps my backside, Conrad, is the somewhat prolonged resignation of original counsel. I feel that she did it primarily because I was running out of funds to commit to her representation. Now I find a guy at Church who tells me not to worry about it!
> 
> One other person intoned that while I originally had a master family attorney in my corner who was supposedly masterful at negotiating settlements, but conversely had a reputation of being flat scared about going to trial. Now I find a guy who has a reputation for "take no prisoners," loves the courtroom, judges, juries, and "the little guy," and is coaching me on doing the paperwork in the meantime.
> 
> It does confirm my firm belief that God truly does move in strange and mysterious ways!*


Your first attorney behaved reprehensibly.


----------



## bandit.45

Sorry to hear its not going smoothly. But you have to do want you have to do Arb. Stay strong. It will all work out in the end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## old timer

I am still at a loss to understand WHY she wants a LI policy on you. 

What is the purpose?
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

old timer said:


> I am still at a loss to understand WHY she wants a LI policy on you.
> 
> What is the purpose?
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*OT:
Now this is strictly me attempting to rationalize things here, but in even attempting to follow STBXW's logic, I'm of the opinion that she, feeling some form of internal entitlement that, per some hidden codicle within the embodiment of "the prenup," that she wants to be "repaid" for everything that she provided monetarily for me and my sons, largely conveyed to us a gifts and general living expenses.

With me now being over 60, she is now coming to the slow realization that I cannot ever live long enough to earn that much, so in order to try to recoup what she feels that she is "justifiably" due, the only other vehicle that she can cognitively entertain is to purchase a life insurance policy on me(for an amount that she or lawyer do not want to reveal to us), then when I "kick off," she gets repaid what she feels that she is due. I liken it to "blood money," feeling that a large bulls eye might soon be firmly attached to my backside, solely for her benefit and pleasure!

And with that bulls eye in place, I'm just all too fearful that something might "mysteriously" or "accidentally" happen to me against my will!

Let's just say that the sad fact of the matter is that she is so financial well-off that she absolutely doesn't really need the money! Go figure!*


----------



## arbitrator

*STBXW's lawyer has petitioned the Court for a Bench Trial on September 23rd. My Motion for Continuance is in the mail to the presiding judge notifying them that I need more time to procure effective, affordable counsel, since my original counsel asked to withdraw from the case, which was summarily granted by the Court.

Hopefully, the Court will see that since it granted the withdrawal status to my original attorney, that it will delay the proceedings even longer in that after a new attorney is procured, I will need time to bring them up to speed on the case.

I'm kind of thinking that STBXW will be a tad PO'd primarily because nothing is fastly getting done in regard to granting her the divorce that she so richly covets, along with her perceived and self-entitled right to an "unspecified-amount" life insurance policy on my sorry ass.

Well least ways, it keeps the legal meter running for her, when all that the little rich girl would have to do is just walk away from the marriage and turn over my personal property. I have absolutely no tangible assets to offer her ~ and even if I did, for what, pray tell!

What some folks absolutely won't do for a little money ~ especially the wealthy!*


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

So, nothing changes but the date.

Good win for the Cowboys Sunday.


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> *So, nothing changes but the date.*
> 
> Good win for the Cowboys Sunday.


*Church counsel says that once the initial delay is granted, which could be up to 60 days, then he might enter the fray demanding discovery on STBXW's assets and holdings(which previous counsel refused to do); and since some of them are internationally based, it could take yet another 6-8 months to complete that request, delaying things even further, keeping her legal meter running on down the highway!

In his words, "let's just wait and see how really bad she wants to be divorced!"

Regarding the 'Boys, 'Rad, I'm glad we held on to win, but you can have Romo just about anytime that you want him. He is, and always has been, kind of like his owner, "Dorian Gray," an accident just waiting to happen!*


----------



## Conrad

Dorian Gray never got a contract like that one


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Dorian Gray never got a contract like that one


*When I mentioned "Dorian," I was richly referring to the team owner, Jerry-Baby! But I would think that ol' Jerry's bank account does have a dollar or two up on poor Dorian!

Speaking of which, Jerry's eyeing the A&M-Bama clash at Kyle Field on Saturday. Rumor has it that Jerry's willing to trade up in the draft to get a shot at "Johnny Football" Manziel. 

My God in Heaven, that's all that the Cowboys need ~ another insatiable ego!

*


----------



## Conrad

Johnny can play football.


----------



## old timer

Yep - Johnny can def play ball.

I think this Saturday's game against UA will show whether he's got the mettle to really be something big at the pro level.

UA has been looking forward to this game for a year and A&M will get the Bama boys best effort.

Looking forward to watching.

.


----------



## Conrad

old timer said:


> Yep - Johnny can def play ball.
> 
> I think this Saturday's game against UA will show whether he's got the mettle to really be something big at the pro level.
> 
> UA has been looking forward to this game for a year and A&M will get the Bama boys best effort.
> 
> Looking forward to watching.
> 
> .


What time is the game?

He - literally - snuck up on them last year.


----------



## GutPunch

conrad said:


> what time is the game?
> 
> He - literally - snuck up on them last year.


2:30 cst


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> 2:30 cst


Excellent.

I get off work @2pm


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> Excellent.
> 
> I get off work @2pm


I'll be coaching my little one at 3pm. DVR is a wonderful thing.


----------



## old timer

WDE, GP

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

old timer said:


> wde, gp
> 
> .
> _posted via mobile device_


amen!


----------



## arbitrator

*Unfortunately, I'll be calling a game on Saturday afternoon at the very, same time, so I'll have to have my youngest college-aged son texting me the updates!

Outta here until sometime late Saturday night! Y'all behave yourselves while I'm gone!*


----------



## old timer

arbitrator said:


> *
> 
> Y'all behave yourselves while I'm gone!
> *


I'll just carry on...been carrying on for years



.


----------



## arbitrator

*Received a copy of STBXW's expensive counsel's letter over the course of the weekend, "objecting" to my motion for a continuance in today's scheduled? bench trial; in spite of my request to do so, since the presiding judge approved letting my original lawyer withdraw from the case for personal reasons.

I haven't yet received any official notice to show up for that hearing so I guess that I had better show up at the court house anyway, since opposing counsel requested a 10:00AM bench trial.

I cannot imagine a judge with an ounce of justice in their souls letting an experienced trial lawyer have his way in a bench trial against someone who does not have legal counsel, has not yet received any of his paperwork or work product from original counsel, does not presently possess the necessary funds to procure new legal counsel, nor has the ability to try a case on their own behalf, more especially against a vastly more experienced legal counsel.

If you have a little time, please say just a small prayer for me!*


----------



## happyman64

Arb

You always have my prayers.

But what you need is a good kickass attorney.
do not let your ex keep kicking you while you are down.

Fight back any way you can.

HM


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arb
> 
> You always have my prayers.
> 
> But what you need is a good kickass attorney.
> do not let your ex keep kicking you while you are down.
> 
> Fight back any way you can.
> 
> HM


*Hap:

I really appreciate your sentiments and know exactly where you're coming from. As tough as it is, it takes money, and a lot of it, that I do not have access to, in order to hire a good "kickass" attorney! I am somewhat blessed in that there is one attorney who heads up a quite prominent PI firm locally who I know from Church, and he has intoned that if some of his caseload gets freed up, he'd love to take my case, strictly on general principle. He projects himself as one who doesn't like to see "little people" get run over.

Until then, I've got to just persevere the best way that I can. Right now, the asking for prayer is pretty much all that I can afford!

Thanks so much, Hap, for all of your love and support! Love you, brother! Arb*


----------



## Awakening2012

Praying for you, Arb. I say, call on the Church guy! You need someone in your corner to help you fight for some fairness!

Cheers,- A12


----------



## arbitrator

*Hearing commenced at about 10:30AM. Prior to the hearing, Judge asked me and opposing counsel to step outside the courtroom and see if a settlement could be reached. I talked to him and he indicated that STBXW's procurence of life insurance policy on me was the only real thing holding the divorce up, along with a token amount of some $300 cash. I told him that I wanted counsel to look over the case since original counsel chose to vacate.

When the hearing resumed, the Judge denied my motion for continuance on the grounds that the date on the file was over 2 years old, and that I'd had plenty of time to get counsel, and just went straight into the Bench Trial, announcing that since a prenup was involved, we would be conducting the trial as a "no-fault" hearing. Her attorney called her to the stand and together painted me as a deadbeat who was greatly living off of her wealth.

There was little that I could cross-ex her on since my original attorney had not released any of my records to me.

Judge ruled in favor of letting her have the 150K insurance policy on me, and conversely told me that I could take one out on her as well. Judge negated the monetary amount sought and likened it to quibbling.

Divorce summarily granted, XW gets to change her name back to maiden name, and I have been ordered to sign off on the life insurance with XW(it's so good to finally say that) paying the premiums. Judge asked me if I had any problem with life insurance policy and I expressed that it was tantamount to receiving blood money. Judge acknowledged knowing where I was coming from and ordered successory beneficiaries on the policy. The Judge assured me that if something indeed did happen to me, that several law enforcement agencies would summoned by the insurance carrier to be on her doorstep pronto, in the event of my demise. The Judge also reminded her that the life insurance premiums on a 61 year old man was not going to be cheap and may well make procuring such a policy ill-affordable or basically just declare me uninsurable.

So in essence I get my personal belongings and debts, XW retains hers, so I pretty much walk away with the shirt on my back.

Questions? I'll be more than happy to answer them!*


----------



## Awakening2012

OMG, Arbitrator! It is finally done, and I imagine there is some relief in having it over with -- congratulations! I am sorry she rolled you on a couple things (life insurance policy) and it seems completely unfair the judge would proceed despite your lack of counsel to represent you.

Welcome to getting yourself and you life back, and welcome to your brand new beautiful next chapter!

Sending Hugs, - A12


----------



## happyman64

Not bad Rb for having no attorney.

She paints you off as living off her and she is the adulterer.

She is a nut job.

I do hope in time you put and her BF's on cheaterville and post all her messages.

Then you really will need the life insurance policy.

Nice judge Arb....

You got lucky.

HM


----------



## arbitrator

Awakening2012 said:


> OMG, Arbitrator! It is finally done, and I imagine there is some relief in having it over with -- congratulations! I am sorry she rolled you on a couple things (life insurance policy) and it seems completely unfair the judge would proceed despite your lack of counsel to represent you.
> 
> Welcome to getting yourself and you life back, and welcome to your brand new beautiful next chapter!
> 
> Sending Hugs, - A12


*Thanks, Awakening! Hugs accepted and reciprocated! But to be perfectly honest, I'm smiling through tears right now, but thank God I'm still smiling! 

I was mildly disappointed, however, that I couldn't bring up her boyfriends in open court. But, then again. maybe she'll just get to sit through that cross-examination process once again on some fine day, before a Judge who has a lot more clout than the one she sat before today.

I really must have looked like an absolute klutz playing "Perry Mason" in that little country courtroom earlier today! I think y'all, no doubt, would have gotten a serious belly laugh out of it!

God, how I love all of my many friends, supporters, and advisors here at TAM! May God truly bless all of you!*


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Not bad Rb for having no attorney.
> 
> She paints you off as living off her and she is the adulterer.
> 
> She is a nut job.
> 
> I do hope in time you put and her BF's on cheaterville and post all her messages.
> 
> Then you really will need the life insurance policy.
> 
> Nice judge Arb....
> 
> You got lucky.
> 
> HM


*And if any one of my friends wants to do the C'Ville thing, then I'll be most happy to forward everything along.

And after the final decree is signed in a week or so, then it's off to start informing her family about her adultery timeline and lies!
*


----------



## bandit.45

Get those packets ready to send out Arb. 

When are you going to drop the bombs?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

bandit.45 said:


> Get those packets ready to send out Arb.
> 
> When are you going to drop the bombs?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is time.


----------



## arbitrator

*Bandito: Thought that we could assemble them at the fall hog hunt I just told you about over in another post. And as long as I'm thinking about it, I may as well let you do the C'ville thing with them too!

But it damn near castrated me when the lady Judge announced that she was giving me the very same right to buy an insurance policy on her sorry ass in the very same dollar amount, not that I would want to! 

XW's resulting facial expression to that order could have sold alone for a million bucks! It was so very enjoyable, to say the least!*


----------



## bandit.45

I may be sidelined with surgery Arb. But I'll be glad to help via e-mail.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *Bandito: Thought that we could assemble them at the fall hog hunt I just told you about over in another post. And as long as I'm thinking about it, I may as well let you do the C'ville thing with them too!
> 
> But it damn near castrated me when the lady Judge announced that she was giving me the very same right to buy an insurance policy on her in the same dollar amount, not that I would!
> 
> XW's facial expression could have sold alone for a million bucks! It was enjoyable, to say the least!*


Could you insist on an STD test first?


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Could you insist on an STD test first?


*A tad late for one, don't you think, 'Rad? BTW, did I tell you that XW's(God, I love saying that!) Squeeze(Lil' Lord Lardass) uprooted himself from his Texas Hill Country digs and relocated out to Oregon about a month ago?*


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *A tad late for one, don't you think, 'Rad? BTW, did I tell you that XW's(God, I love saying that!) Squeeze(Lil' Lord Lardass) uprooted himself from his Texas Hill Country digs and relocated out to Oregon about a month ago?*


Just love to see her reaction to the request.

Hopefully, she'd ask why you want to know


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> *Just love to see her reaction to the request.
> 
> Hopefully, she'd ask why you want to know*


*Had I only known, kind Sir! But going in to this morning, I had no earthly expectation that I was going to end up playing "Perry Mason," and greatly without the benefit of legal counsel!*


----------



## bandit.45

Did she speak to you at all outside the court?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gpa

Bad Judge but y have to live with it. Consider it a bad dream and enjoy your free life away from an unethical person like your X.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Did she speak to you at all outside the court?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*No, Bandito! She only muttered something under her breath to me as she saw me and entered the ascending courtroom stairwell. Seeing her go up the stairs, I just chose to take the elevator on up. And she was wearing so much damn Oscar de la Renta, that I'm literally surprised that she hadn't been attacked by bumble bees outside! She really must have been busy trying to attract somebody!

I did get to cross-examine her regarding her moving money out of my bank account without my knowledge, which I don't really think that she was expecting to hear anything about. And when asked about the monies that she had given to both of my boys throughout the years, as to whether they constituted "contractual agreements" that needed to be repaid to her; or as gifts. She said the latter!

Regarding the requested life insurance on me, she said that she "only" wanted that, primarily to give to the boys, if something should ever happen to me! She told the judge that her estimates of what I owed her exceeded 100K, but I couldn't refute it as my records were still in the possession of my original legal counsel.

So with no records, no court documents, and no legal counsel, this Judge chose to largely have me steamrolled to expedite her docket, giving it higher consideration than a litigant coming before her without any legal representation! Go figure!

And upon the conclusion of the hearing, XW and her legal counsel made a rather hasty exit together from the courtroom. For a small old country courthouse, I didn't see them anywhere around when I went downstairs to the main floor.*


----------



## happyman64

Arb

I think in the long run the judge did you a favor.

You should have asked her to pay for the std tests and for the costs of the tests to be deducted from any monies you owe her.

I would have liked to see her face when you asked or if she had the balls to ask you why you need the std tests....

HM


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Arb
> 
> *I think in the long run the judge did you a favor.
> 
> You should have asked her to pay for the std tests and for the costs of the tests to be deducted from any monies you owe her.
> 
> I would have liked to see her face when you asked or if she had the balls to ask you why you need the std tests....*
> 
> HM


*Hap/'Rad: That's exactly what my best friend from Houston told me while I was driving back home from the hearing yesterday!

And had I had an inkling of knowledge going in, that the bench trial was going to proceed as it did, I would have certainly made that request from the Court. Trust me! I would have literally stayed up all night on TAM soliciting questions and strategy from my friends!*


----------



## arbitrator

gpa said:


> Bad Judge but y have to live with it. Consider it a bad dream and enjoy your free life away from an unethical person like your X.


*gpa: The Judge, just placed greater emphasis on getting her docket cleared, as opposed to having legal counsel fairly represent a client without none; against someone who did!

In essence, I feel that their side failed to benefit materially from the bench trial. And the Judge may well have had some inate perception that this was going to be the outcome anyway. Other than the life insurance policy, we both largely get to walk away with what we individually brought into the union.

Since her kids are refusive of getting an education, they can now use Mom's money to go procure them a little more meth, crack, or pot! My boy's are both A/B college students who, and with all due thanks to our Lord and Saviour, are not of that sordid genre! 

And while it might have been nice to live as a loving husband to a cheating "heiress" for 7+ years, I'd greatly prefer to live as a penniless man who, first and foremost, knows the true love and power of both God and family!

Thank God Almighty, that I'm finally out of there!*


----------



## vi_bride04

So when does exposure happen?


----------



## arbitrator

vi_bride04 said:


> *So when does exposure happen?*


* Exposure, I greatly suspect, will occur sometime right after the final decree is signed and my personal effects are all accounted for and moved out from under her domicile!*


----------



## bandit.45

To be honest with you Arb, I think you did pretty well. She didn't get the cummupence you had hoped for, but at least you are not poorer than when you went in. All judges and all courts seek monetary equilibrium. They no longer care about backstory. 

Expose your ex and take her before the tribunal of public opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

*And C'Ville seems like such a great place to start!*


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *And C'Ville seems like such a great place to start!*


Make certain we get a link.


----------



## arbitrator

*Met this afternoon with my United Methodist pastor, who is just a simply great guy.

Can't help but agree with him that God was truly at work in that little rural country court room on Monday morning. He truly thinks that the Lord, through that lady Judge, struck down my motion for continuance, then ordained that bench trial to proceed just to get this sordid affair behind us all. It had gone on far too long and the only apparent winner in this whole mess here was no one other than my XW's attorney.

With XW being ordered to pay all court and administrative costs, and with the sheer number of hours that her "ambulance-chaser" put into this mess over the past 2-1/2 years, there's absolutely no telling what her final bill to him will be. 

Thank God, that I'm only out $2,500 and 2-1/2 years of sheer worry!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Just for fun, try this link that I created right after my final divorce hearing. I'd absolutely love to hear your answers!*

*http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/123089-courtroom-questions-i-should-have-asked-xw-cross-examination.html*


----------



## LostViking

Congratulations on your divorce Arbitrator. I read through your thread again. My advice is to be selective about who you expose her affairs to. Expose only to those family members who you think might have an open mind. To those in her family who dislike you or who you know have taken her side, I would not even bother. 

Secondly, your next goal should be to give an ultimatum to your sons. In my opinion they have both shown you disrespect throughout this ordeal. If they love heir ex-stepmother, the woman who destroyed their father, so much, then you should tell them to go be with her and the cut off contact with them. Let them find out for themselves what a true snake she is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

*Thanks, Vike!

She has a younger brother who is a banker that I have a great relationship with. Haven't visited with him in the 2+ years of this foray, but he is certainly open-minded enough to listen to me and to examine independent documentation like cell-phone/texting records, FB posts, and emails.

XW's 80+ year old Mom does not need to know. It would absolutely destroy her and I'm all too fearful that it might actually knock XW out of her piece of the family estate whenever that time comes.

Her sister is a closed book. No sense in trying that. One of her son's has subsequently treated me like I have leprosy when I see him, so there's no telling what kind of tripe that the XW has maliciously spread to the family and mutual friends about me!

I thought that I might tell her brother and one mutual friend, making copies of all documents, pics, and damning emails for their edification.

Additionally, after the remainder of my belongings and my inherited family furniture is out of her domicile, then I will start the exposure by sending XW a certified mailed package with a letter and copies of all documentation. I will tell her that there are a number of her unnamed family members and mutual friends that also are in possession of this same damning documentation, which should have her richly scurrying around like a rat on the deck of a sinking ship! She'll just have to guess who has them!

Regarding my boys ~ they are both college students, and the money that she has bestowed upon them has been largely used for that purpose. They both are in the process of taking out loans to complete their higher education aspirations.

Both boys are more than aware of her infidelity. Hell, they both saw some innate proof of that fact over on FB. They both feel sorry for their Dad, but I have told them to remain friendly enough with her, despite my overt bitterness toward her for her covert infidelity.

In time, I really don't think that either of them would even take the time to actually pee in her guts if she was on fire!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Well, well! Just found out from XW's FB postings that right after the final divorce hearing on Monday, that she wasted little time afterward as she took off for Atlanta to do some heavy partying and celebrating with her old college GF there. That GF's family owes XW a bunch of Geedas that XW infused into her business a few years back, without even executing a contract for such.

Also, there is some speculation that XW's reported new flame from Australia, has hooked up with them all there!

It would seem that XW ain't exactly letting the "warm" get far off of the corpse before she's ready to start shoveling dirt on his face!*


----------



## Brokenman85

arbitrator said:


> Well, well! Just found out from XW's FB postings that right after the final divorce hearing on Monday, that she wasted little time afterward as she took off for Atlanta to do some heavy partying and celebrating with her old college GF there.


What a cold hearted woman. Glad you are doing alright though.


----------



## old timer

Somebody die?

Haven't been around much lately. I must have missed that

.


----------



## Decorum

She is not a good person arbitrator. She simply uses people, but you have a good heart, and happiness is never far from a man with a good heart.

I really wish you well, take care arbitrator!


----------



## arbitrator

*Missed you OT! Learned, just this afternoon, from one of XW's FB buddies that is friendly with me, that she already left Hotlanta with her latest squeeze in tow and had made it on down to Disney World for a little bit of post-divorce honeymoon activities and associated festivities.

That actually flatters me somewhat, because it must have greatly made her think that getting through this entire 2-1/2 year divorce process was largely tantamount to her winning the Super Bowl.

It that ain't exactly it, then I'd have to surmise that she's just down there shopping around for my life insurance policy!*


----------



## arbitrator

Decorum said:


> She is not a good person arbitrator. She simply uses people, but you have a good heart, and happiness is never far from a man with a good heart.
> 
> I really wish you well, take care arbitrator!


*Just keep saying prayers for me and the boys, Decorum. I'm already feeling God moving in my life now!

In time, I only pray that He'll help me overcome a lot of my bitterness toward her! I only want someone in her family to see the unbiased evidence that I was the one who was truly not at fault!*


----------



## arbitrator

*I was forwarded a post that XW made right after the court appearance Monday on her favorite medium, and to this effect:*

*"My attitude today was Jehovah Nissi ~ The Lord is my banner. He goes before me and fights my battles for me. I just wait on Him, be strong,take heart and cling to the Rock that is higher. I had peace about the day, and all has ended as it should. And thus, I begin a new chapter in my life. It is bittersweet, but all the evidence led to no other conclusion."*

*There is absolutely no telling what falsehoods that she has told her family and friends, more especially about me, just to try to save face! This posting is so totally sickening and unlike her, to say the very least!*


----------



## Awakening2012

Sending prayers you way Arb, and hoping you land on your feet and in a better position to enter your brave new chapter and put this drama behind you! Onwards to better days!

Cheers,- A12


----------



## arbitrator

Awakening2012 said:


> Sending prayers you way Arb, and hoping you land on your feet and in a better position to enter your brave new chapter and put this drama behind you! Onwards to better days!
> 
> Cheers,- A12


*Thanks, Sweetheart! That's awfully encouraging, and God only knows that I richly need it.

There is a certain element of her friends that exhibits knowledge of XW's adulterous activities with her other men, even dating back to our days of co-habitating as husband and wife. That small group will defend her to the hilt, no matter what; and even a smaller group of her family will. Which largely makes me think that this select group of her friends and family are, in reality, no better than she is!

Do you feel if I am even remotely justified in letting a select few of some of those same family and friends know of the unbiased evidence of her illicit activity that was going on during the course of our marriage, or do you think that I should I just "pee on the fire and call in the dogs" and forget about the entire thing?

I know that the Bible points out in Romans 12:19 ~ "Vengeance is mine,'' sayeth the Lord. "I will avenge and repay," primarily meaning to forgive, forget, move on, and leave the justice aspect to Him.*


----------



## Decorum

Deep waters arbitrator.

Psalm 34:19 (KJ21) 
19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.

You are in my prayers!


----------



## arbitrator

Decorum said:


> Deep waters arbitrator.
> 
> Psalm 34:19 (KJ21)
> 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.
> 
> You are in my prayers!


*Thanks, Decorum!

Your presence and wisdom greatly reminds me of Psalms 119:105 ~ "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."

Thanks for thinking of us and for your many loving prayers! May our Lord and Saviour truly bless you for all that you've done!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Got copy of the unsigned final decree of divorce from XW's counsel of record, consisting of some 25 pages. They have asked that it be signed and executed at her counsel's office no later than October 31st.*


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> *Thanks, Sweetheart! That's awfully encouraging, and God only knows that I richly need it.
> 
> There is a certain element of her friends that exhibits knowledge of XW's adulterous activities with her other men, even dating back to our days of co-habitating as husband and wife. That small group will defend her to the hilt, no matter what; and even a smaller group of her family will. Which largely makes me think that this select group of her friends and family are, in reality, no better than she is!
> 
> Do you feel if I am even remotely justified in letting a select few of some of those same family and friends know of the unbiased evidence of her illicit activity that was going on during the course of our marriage, or do you think that I should I just "pee on the fire and call in the dogs" and forget about the entire thing?
> 
> I know that the Bible points out in Romans 12:19 ~ "Vengeance is mine,'' sayeth the Lord. "I will avenge and repay," primarily meaning to forgive, forget, move on, and leave the justice aspect to Him.*


I say make up that packet, have Kinkos make a hundred bound copies and then carpet bomb their azzes like a B-52 over Vietnam. 


Line up all the e-mails you have of these "friends" and send out PDF files of the packet in one fell swoop. 

Humiliate her. Make her work for the next year trying to collect all of the copies, fearful that some will make their way into the wrong hands. :FIREdevil:

Make 2013 the worst year of her life.


----------



## LongWalk

Arb, you should post her on Cheaterville and offer evidence on some file sharing site. Perhaps she has family who are not so into the Internet. Send them some paper copies.

I suggest that you edit your material so that it is compact and packs a punch.

As for revenge or not... well, she wanted you to accept a life insurance policy that made your death look economically desirable to either her or your sons. That is pure evil.

You must reply.

Above all you will, thus, destroy the poisonous tentacles that she has wrapped around your children. When you release this truth the suckers will lose their grip and her influence will rapidly wither.


----------



## arbitrator

*LW: What made XW's face absolutely hit the table with a thud was the Presiding Judge allowing both of us insurance buying priviliges on each other, something that XW never expected, even on her best day!

I do see that that is not in the final decree, so I may very well send it back to Judge for it's inclusion, which will cost XW even more in per hourly legal preparation and review time.*


----------



## bandit.45

How did such a God fearing man pick such a heathen of a woman to marry?

I've been meaning to ask you this Arb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> How did such a God fearing man pick such a heathen of a woman to marry?
> 
> I've been meaning to ask you this Arb.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Bandito: Even God-fearing/God-loving men have their weak moments. Sometimes, I really think that He may have been testing me!*


----------



## bandit.45

But did she play the sweet religious gal and trick you, or were you guilty of a lapse of judgement and succombed to her bimbo charms? I guess what I'm aking is, the way she jumps from man to man, she must be a real charmer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

*It's no real secret ~ she tell you that she likes "manly men!" She has even posted that up on FB before to her BF's!

Guess that I must have largely fallen out of that category!*


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> *It's no real secret ~ she tell you that she likes "manly men!" She has even posted that up on FB before!
> 
> Guess that I must have largely fallen out of that category!*


That's horseh!t. She's a slvt. Let's just lay it out there. 

You're too much man for her. She prefers dooshbags who cheat with married women. I'd go into battle with you any day Arb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> That's horseh!t. She's a slvt. Let's just lay it out there.
> 
> You're too much man for her. She prefers dooshbags who cheat with married women. I'd go into battle with you any day Arb.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*To her, anyway! But I was just being facetious!

Yeah, Bandit! Her lardass boyfriend( best friend to her deceased first husband, an ex-engineer turned musician) who has only recently and mysteriously transplanted from the Texas Hill Country out to Oregon, seems to richly have the persona of not having met a vagina that he didn't like!

Now I'm thinking that it's rather obvious that XW bilked her first husband out of some of his millions prior to their D and that is how she "legitimately" came to attain the mass of "her wealth" in the first place.*


----------



## bandit.45

Golddigger. Well, think you got away pretty well in the divorce. She's a snake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

*Got home from working football today in Houston, and it appears that I received a letter from the local County Clerk of Courts Office containing a signed decree of divorce along with a signed order reinstating XW's name to her maiden one, both by the presiding judge. 

It's so damn good for her to not have my last name anymore. The skank definitely doesn't deserve it!

Long live "the skank!"*


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> *Got home from working football today in Houston, and it appears that I received a letter from the local County Clerk of Courts Office containing a signed decree of divorce along with a signed order reinstating XW's name to her maiden one, both by the presiding judge.
> 
> It's so damn good for her to not have my last name anymore. The skank definitely doesn't deserve it!
> 
> Long live "the skank!"*


*Amen to that!!!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Biding holiday time, my oldest son(24) came in from spending the Christmas Holidays with his GF and her family at their home in a city about 45 minutes away.

Anyway, he called me just prior to his arrival to say that he had some banking business to conduct here in my city and wanted to spend a few hours with me and his younger brother(20).

Upon arriving home, he said that my XW had called him yesterday to set up a dinner meeting at a local restaurant for later this PM after she got off of work, presumably to exchange Christmas gifts and the like, with him and his brother(her former stepsons). I couldn't help it but I kidded him about it, telling him to be sure to eat something expensive, if she was footing the bill.

I then asked my youngest if he had gotten the same invitation from her, and his reply was, "Yeah, several days ago!" I then asked him, "Well why didn't you tell me?" His reply was "I didn't think that I had to!"

All that I could reply with was basically, "Well it would have been certainly nice to know!" I then told him that his big brother had told me and for them to go together and have a good time.

I guess I'm a tad perplexed that she still goes around behind my back arranging dinners and gifts, while both now fully know the real reason for the D as being her adultery during our marriage as well as her accompanying deception. I also know that since both of the boys are in their early 20's, that they don't really need my permission to talk or to visit with her, but it all sure seems so inherently underhanded. Right now, she has continued to help my oldest son financially with his college expenses, but has steadfastly refused to offer anything tangible to my youngest for any of his, not that she has to! And I guess that it just really bothers me that my youngest seems to be keeping secret from me the content as well as the number of times that he actually communicates with her by phone, FB or email.

Am I just worrying too much over her obviously wanting to remain close to them both, in lieu of the fact that she even refuses to talk or communicate in any way with me? Or is there a sliver of validity to what I'm feeling and saying?*


----------



## Conrad

Arb,

Have they seen the text and chat logs?


----------



## arbitrator

Conrad said:


> Arb,
> 
> *Have they seen the text and chat logs?*


*'Rad: No, they have not! 

But they have both seen the FB photos of her and "Mr. Wonderful" together on one of their out-of-town "shack-up" trips to N'awlins, early in our separation in 2011!*


----------



## Conrad

arbitrator said:


> *'Rad: No, they have not!
> 
> But they have both seen the FB photos of her and "Mr. Wonderful" together on one of their out-of-town "shack-up" trips to N'awlins, early in our separation in 2011!*


If this bothers you, it's likely time to show your hand.


----------



## happyman64

I agree with Conrad.

Or you can let her keeping paying some of your oldest bills and her nonsense can keep bothering you.


----------



## vi_bride04

You are officially divorced now, right? Where is the nuclear exposure mushroom cloud? 

Infidelity isn't as big of a deal to someone unless they experience it, IMO. Time to show people what you really went through with that vile woman.


----------



## arbitrator

* I know what my original plans were. No one has looked forward to going forth with exposure as much as I have! The countless nights that I've laid awake both then and now, enduring her monetary control mechanisms with my sons, knowing full well that she has no doubt lied to her own family members putting the blame for our divorce on me with God only knows what kind of story about me, and then having a district court judge force me to represent myself after my counsel chose to resign. It's been sheer hell, folks!

Being the devout Christian Methodist man that I am, I have also queried my friends, church leadership and friends, counselors, business associates, and even my brothers and sisters here at TAM for their most thoughtful advice.

My Pastor, a wonderful guy in his own right, hit me with the question after hearing my story, "What are you seeking here, Arb? Justice, revenge, or what?" My reply was "I honestly think that I'm wanting a little of both, to tell you the truth! He then pulled out his Bible and showed me this passage from Romans 12:19 ~ "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God. For it is written, "Vengeance is mine. I will repay, sayeth the Lord."

From that perspective, I feel that because of my hurt, I was really seeking that revenge factor that my pastor was referring to. And I so very much wanted XW to feel the absolute throes of all of the pain and deception that I felt.

To that end, I did amass a rather lengthy compendium of my XW's cell phone/texting records; some excerpts of her FB commentary both from her and her Other Men, Photograph's, and Emails.

At this time, my thought process is to only make one copy and submit it solely to her along with a letter. In that letter, I think that I'll mention to her that in addition to her having received it, that there could be other people from her family or friendship circle that are also in possession of that evidentiary compendium.

Except that in reality, none would have; only her. That would make her look over her shoulder not exactly knowing who knows what, placing her in some state of anxiety.

But this cannot be done until all of my Mother's personal antique furniture and the remainder of my own personal belongings have been safely returned to me.

If any of you feel that I am wrong in handling it this way, please let me know what your personal preference might be. You guys simply have no idea how much I truly value all of your advice! Thanks!

*


----------



## happyman64

Have you ever asked for your furniture and personal belongings back?

If yes, what was her answer?


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Have you ever asked for your furniture and personal belongings back?
> 
> If yes, what was her answer?


*Hap: It's in the divorce decree, but there's no firm deadline set for the actual return. 

Now it's strange that at dinner earlier tonight with my sons, she actually offered to load and move my personal effects that are either in the house itself, up in the 3rd floor attic, or in a rented storage locker of hers.

An attorney who attends my church told me right after the holidays to send XW's attorney a letter about the furniture instead of to her. Rationale being that if it goes through her attorney, rather than directly to her, that for him to deliver the letter to her after having read through it and the divorce decree yet again, then rendering advise to her ~ would amount to some 2-3 hours of his time at his going rate of $350 per hour.*


----------



## happyman64

I think that is a great idea.

And if she ignores you again then I would call her or meet with her.

Show her a little of your evidence without any hint of a threat and ask her politely "When can I pickup the rest of my things??"


----------



## LongWalk

Can't wait to read the Cheaterville post on the lascivious hypocrite that is your ex WW


----------



## arbitrator

LongWalk said:


> Can't wait to read the Cheaterville post on the lascivious hypocrite that is your ex WW


*Long: I'm kind of thinking that when she gets my novelette along with the attached compendium of evidence, and then she shows no visible sign of remorse, but only self-justifying denial, then Cheaterville might well be the appropriate venue for her.

But I'm greatly thinking that with her plethora of money, she has the marked ability to pay someone in order to get that post fastly deleted!

Financially speaking, it would be no hair off of her back!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Oldest son called me yesterday and related that my skanky XW had been in contact with him yesterday, expressing an interest in getting some of my other personal possessions and belongings out of her mansion and driving them over.

Her purported game plan was to bring her pickup truck, loaded down with my boxes, furniture, et. al. to my city, where she has a part-time job. She would have my son drive over, swap out his car with her for the truck at her workplace, then he would bring the items over to my place to unload, making it abundantly clear to him that she had absolutely no desire to even see me!

My primary concern is that, weather-wise, we are under the threat of some 50-60% chance of rain for the next three days and I'm rather fearful that the boxes or antique furniture might become irreparably damaged in the process. I told my son to be sure to convey that fear of mine right back to her! The other over-riding problem is that I do not currently have the needed space for storing all of it right now.*


----------



## GTdad

Arb, I want to reiterate the offer to help you move your stuff. I have a 12-passenger van, and I can remove the benches leaving at least as much room as a pickup and removing rain as a problem.

My back and knees are still in good shape, too.


----------



## arbitrator

*I do have partial space in one rather small warehouse facility but may well have to upgrade. I'll tap on your door when the time comes. Thanks, GT!

XW's just seemingly playing a control game right now, bringing the boys into it!

Funny though, the thought did occur to me to covertly place a nice photo of XW and her lardass BF in the confines of her truck! Probably not though, since there's more property to move! Probably will be better to do that later!*


----------



## bandit.45

I don't agree with you not wanting to expose. 

The Bible says sin should be exposed. You have a woman who goes around victimizing men under the guise of being this Christian woman. 

You have a responsibility to show her friends and family the person she really is so that they can warn off any future patsy she decides to sink her claws into. 

Just MHO. You seem intent on doing whatever your pastor tells you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> I don't agree with you not wanting to expose.
> 
> The Bible says sin should be exposed. You have a woman who goes around victimizing men under the guise of being this Christian woman.
> 
> You have a responsibility to show her friends and family the person she really is so that they can warn off any future patsy she decides to sink her claws into.
> 
> Just MHO. You seem intent on doing whatever your pastor tells you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Trust me, Bandito! I'm truly torn both ways!

This policy of gradualism on her part is perplexing. The oldest boy is getting some financial backing, while the youngest occasionally gets a bone thrown his way from her And there's absolutely no telling what "her story-line" to her own family about me is. But you can bet your sweet a$$ that it's probably far less than congenial. If I were to expose now, I would probably lose all of the remaining belongings to her either wantonly destroying them or taking them to the dump.

Once I have everything back to my satisfaction, I could then interject the prospect of going nuclear on her. But the question still remains as to whether her family and/or close friends would even take the time to listen!

I can only speculate that some would, but that most would not!*


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> *Trust me, Bandito! I'm truly torn both ways!
> 
> This policy of gradualism on her part is perplexing. The oldest boy is getting some financial backing, while the youngest occasionally gets a bone thrown his way from her And there's absolutely no telling what "her story-line" to her own family about me is. But you can bet your sweet a$$ that it's probably far less than congenial. If I were to expose now, I would probably lose all of the remaining belongings to her either wantonly destroying them or taking them to the dump.
> 
> Once I have everything back to my satisfaction, I could then interject the prospect of going nuclear on her. But the question still remains as to whether her family and/or close friends would even take the time to listen!
> 
> I can only speculate that some would, but that most would not!*


At this late in the game, and if you wait any longer, you may just come acros as being mean and petty. 

You could just send her the packet with a lovingly handwritten note that says something to the effect of:
_
"Greetings B!tch,

I'm sending you this packet to let you know that you never pulled the wool over my eyes and that I know the extent of your adulterous behavior while we were married and during that circus of a divorce you conducted. 

As you can see it is quite extensive and maps out all the lurid details of your correspondences and hook-ups with your various affair partners prior to and during our separation. 

I have not shared this information with my sons or your family. 

However, if you continue to attempt to drive a wedge between me and my sons, if you do not abide by the terms of our divorce decree to the letter, if you in any way attempt to impunge or defame my character to your family and our mutual acquaintences in the future, I will have no issue in making up copies of this packet and going on my own personal carpet bombing campaign to inform everyone that you and I know the truth about the low-down, conniving, adulterous snake you really are.

I will do this without worry about what these people will think of me. The ones you have conned and brainwashed into believing you are a saint and I am a demon I could care less about. But there will be those few who will look at the packet and wonder.... 

The seed will be planted and your support from them will gradually fall away. 

This is not a threat. This is not blackmail. This is a promise." _


----------



## arbitrator

*Yesterday, May 8th @ 1PM would have marked my official 10th Anniversary to my rich, skanky, XW. Had flashbacks of that huge wedding, the beautiful music, the heartfelt vows, the pastor's loving and meaningful sermon; her family, my family, the massive reception, and our subsequent 10-day respite down in Cancun! 

And then some years afterward, it just made me a tad sick to my stomach to think of her off on those many "road trips" of hers, covertly banging Lil' Lord Lardass, all while I was busy tending the homeplace for her as she had instructed me to do! 

But I'm so glad that I was with friends at a luncheon out at the country club yesterday at that very same hour.

Now she still freely contacts my sons and often replenishes their checking accounts with "geedas" as she sees fit, but she absolutely wouldn't spit in my guts if I were totally engulfed in flames.

But truth be told, I really don't think that I'd treat her any differently either! She has become totally "dead" to me now!*


----------



## happyman64

You know Arb in some ways that is a blessing.

Because if she spit on you only gasoline or venom would come out of her mouth.

Nice that she play stepmom to your boys and hands out the dole though.

Let her guilt continue.

Have you ever told her you know about her indiscretions???

HM


----------



## Awakening2012

Hi Arb - 

Good to hear that you feel like you are moving on and detaching (or have done so completely). She was part of your life, for better and/or worse, and I hope you can resolve whatever residual anger and resentment remains. My goal is to get to a place of indifference, because I can never erase what was -- I just no longer have to be bound by it.

Hang in there, man! Happy "Mother's Day" weekend  

Best Regards, - A12


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> You know Arb in some ways that is a blessing.
> 
> Because if she spit on you only gasoline or venom would come out of her mouth.
> 
> Nice that she play stepmom to your boys and hands out the dole though.
> 
> Let her guilt continue.
> 
> Have you ever told her you know about her indiscretions???
> 
> HM


*No, Happy! Not yet! She's still got the things stashed away in the old home some 25 miles away and a county over, and sends them over with the boys periodically!










I plan on transferring Mom's antiques and really good stuff there to my brother living up in the Texas Hill Country and already plan on handing my dear XW a compendium of her photos with L'il Lord Lardass just as soon as the truck is loaded! And also with a set of them mailed to her brother down in South Texas!*


----------



## arbitrator

Awakening2012 said:


> Hi Arb -
> 
> Good to hear that you feel like you are moving on and detaching (or have done so completely). She was part of your life, for better and/or worse, and I hope you can resolve whatever residual anger and resentment remains. My goal is to get to a place of indifference, because I can never erase what was -- I just no longer have to be bound by it.
> 
> Hang in there, man! Happy "Mother's Day" weekend
> 
> Best Regards, - A12


*Thanks Awakening! That's pretty much happened! I just have no inclination to want to ever see her again(is that a fantasy?), although I'd literally give my eye teeth to get to hob-nob with her Mom and extended family again ~ make no mistake about it, they're absolutely super people! 

Not much planned here other than Church Sunday and my youngest Aggie Junior son someway celebrating his 4.0 Spring semester GPA!

You have yourself a super Mother's Day Weekend as well and try to stay off of that highway, if at all possible!*


----------



## SamuraiJack

Wow. I read the whole thing...Kudos to you for sticking it out. Sorry about the lawyer. You must have a slightly wry angel looking out for you...


----------



## arbitrator

SamuraiJack said:


> Wow. I read the whole thing...Kudos to you for sticking it out. Sorry about the lawyer. You must have a slightly wry angel looking out for you...


*Samurai: Thanks for your endurance in reading and digesting! The Angel is there for me, as is the Heavenly Father!

Once again, thank you, Sir!*


----------



## arbitrator

*My oldest college-aged son had to leave his college apartment for the summer. He went to visit his natural mother in the Houston area, but with her being as bi-polar and the "control freak" that she is, she threw him out of the house because he wouldn't "clean his room to her specifications. So he just loaded up and left.

Well, his stepmom, my rich, skanky XW, told him to get in the car, not to look back, and to not stop driving until he reached her domicile. So he's moved in there with her and will stay until his college classes resume in late August. At least she treats my boys well, but she absolutely wouldn't spit in my guts if I were engulfed in flames!

Anyway, he stopped by to visit me and his younger brother last night and kind of summarily reported on things. He says that stepmom still has her rather heavy drinking regimen of 2 to 3 Smirnoff Ice's in the afternoon, a bottle of Beringer's White Zinfindel in the early evening and two big 12-16 ounce glasses of Bailey's Irish Creme after the sun goes down, all without showing any overt signs of inebriation.

He also reported that she now has a significantly younger local BF, who seems to be hanging out there at the abode a whole lot. Son says that he mildly feels a little ill at ease about it, but has largely come to overlook it!

On the evening of July 3rd, I've been invited to attend the Independence Day/ fireworks celebration in my old hometown by the County Judge, a very good friend of mine. I'm thinking about going knowing that my rich, skanky XW hates the man about as bad as me. I kind of figured I could go, have a good time, see some old friends. and quite possibly might run into the skank and her new beau.

Do you all think I should attend this festival with my son's, or do you think that I would be far better off by just avoiding it like the plague?*


----------



## Awakening2012

Hi Arb - 

By all means, you should attend the event and have a ball! You can avoid any drama with the XW by just practicing polite avoidance. This is what I do whenever I run into my XH -- just acknowledge him with a nod, and walk on by. IMHO, you can't let the XW's presence (or not) dictate your choice to go to this event, see old friends and have fun  Hope all is well with you!

Best,- A12


----------



## bandit.45

Only if you have a hot looking date Mr. Methodist.


----------



## happyman64

Bandit is right.

But go to hang out with friends and your boys.

Scroow the Ex!

Figuratively that is.


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> Bandit is right.
> 
> But go to hang out with friends and your boys.
> 
> *Scroow the Ex!
> *
> Figuratively that is.




*Happy:
*
*I absolutely wouldn't touch that with ~ Well, you know what I mean!

Actually, she may be too soused to attend since this festival is being held at a local church where drinking during these affairs is prohibited!*


----------



## happyman64

arbitrator said:


> *Happy:
> *
> *I absolutely wouldn't touch that with ~ Well, you know what I mean!
> 
> Actually, she may be too soused to attend since this festival is being held at a local church where drinking during these affairs is prohibited!*


Your ten foot pole???


----------



## bandit.45

Arb what is the status of your first wife? Didn't she cheat on you also? You never told us that tale of woe. Is she still trying to get back with you?


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Arb what is the status of your first wife? Didn't she cheat on you also? You never told us that tale of woe. Is she still trying to get back with you?


*W No. 1 is a sad tale in contrast! Has a Masters in Computer Science and DP Technology. Got hired by a major Southwest utility company, who moved her down to this part of the world from the Midwest.

She was a rising corporate star, who ended up having some corporate bigwig 25 years her senior promise her the moon and she ditched me and the boys. She had a reputation for being an absolute "biatch" on the job. 

Then she starts making megabucks, and not too awfully long after, the company goes into financial decline, to the point that they offer buyouts to certain employees. She was among the first. She was given two years salary where she didn't have to work at all, although there was a declining market for DP people in most all sectors.

She pays off the home and life is good. She gets legal custody of the two boys forcing me to pay child support. They both come to hate her because of her bi-polar behavior. She throws the oldest boy out of the house as a high school senior, forcing my rich, skanky XW( in her "pre-skank mode") to invest in him to get him a ritzy apartment there in his hometown school district and having me move in, at least part-time, with him because residence management had requested an adults presence there with him. He graduated, getting to finish his senior year there, and play football and golf, and getting out with a respectable GPA.

All the while, she cashed-in both boys fully vested "Texas Tomorrow" Education Funds and left them with nothing to go to college on.

About six months later, she got sent to the hospital and was eventually diagnosed as having the precursory symptoms of muscular dystrophy.

The youngest son stayed with her up until the 9th grade when she forced him to ride out a major hurricane(Ike) in their home which is only 35 miles as the crow flies off of the Texas Gulf Coast. It's a miracle that they were not killed as huge trees and other storm debris lay scattered all over the yard. My rich, skanky XW immediately contracted with a well-renowned family attorney in their county to get custody of him. That happened rather quickly. My rich, skanky, XW publicly dressed her down at a high school social gathering for my youngest son, so bad that I had to admonish her for using her well heeled stature for jumping on a cripple. The skank didn't exactly like hearing that from me, nor did she even care what I thought about it!

Today, first XW works part-time in a grocery store deli. Neither of the boys wants to stay around her nor visit her. In fact, my oldest went to stay with her recently for two weeks, and she went bi-polar and called the cops on him for "not cleaning his room." The attending cop that was dispatched told him that in his own opinion, that his mom was "crazier than a peach orchard sow!" And advised him to get out of there for his own peace of mind.

Whenever she calls either boy, they normally see who it is on caller ID and ignore it! Then she starts calling me to see how "her boys" are doing. She is a lonely, depressed, miserable woman that no one in their right mind wants anything to do with!

I might add that it has not really kept her from perpetually finding herself some online BF's. But I can't ever recall a single one of them staying with her for any more than a couple of weeks!

Certainly not with that adverse behavior of hers!*


----------



## bandit.45

Wow. From corporate executive to deli worker. That's an amazing story Arb. And very sad. Before she left you for her coworker was the marriage okay, or was she miserable to be around?


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Wow. From corporate executive to deli worker. That's an amazing story Arb. And very sad. Before she left you for her coworker was the marriage okay, or was she miserable to be around?


*Early on, it was very good. She seemed to love me, loved the boys, was somewhat active in Church choir activities, et. al. It was really when she got placed on "the corporate high road" that things started faltering. She seemingly got tired of being a wife, of being a mother, and only cared for her corporate activities. I was the one who woke up, fed breakfast and dinner to, and took the boys to daycare and to school

She left for work at 6AM in the morning, often not getting home until 7 or 8 PM. She also habitually volunteered for all-day Saturday and Sunday projects. Not long afterward, I noticed that she had started investing in a new wardrobe of both business and casual wear, including a full array of Victoria's Secret undergarments, which she never seemed to want to wear for me. All that I got was either the tattered Hane's or the Fruit-of-the-Looms, and frumpy nightgowns. Sex summarily stopped as she said she was just "too tired!" When taking her morning showers, the master bathroom door was suddenly locked.

One morning, I went to open it and while the latch was engaged, the door was not locked, so I pushed it on open. She was in her walk-in closet with her naked butt turned to me as she didn't hear me coming in with her radio playing. All of a sudden, she was startled to hear me enter and quickly turned around, throwing her hands over her pelvic area but still leaving me just enough time to see that she was totally shaved slicker than an eel, and quite obviously for someone else's prurient recreational benefit!

I found a saved message on her pager from a company VP that included an address/room number on the far side of town where his house was located. After researching it, I found out that it was a mid-range hotel with a jacuzzi suite.

At the same time, I was diagnosed with a quad-arterial heart blockage which required immediate surgery and she wanted me moved out prior to the scheduled surgery date.

And as Paul Harvey so aptly said, "Now you know the rest of the story!"*


----------



## Awakening2012

Wow, Arb -- yours is quite an amazing and dramatic story. TWO rich (or formerly rich) XW's! Upon reflection, do you think you were somehow drawn to powerful "take charge" Alpha type women? I hope you have got your health issues under control and that you and your children are doing well. I am so glad that you landed on your feet, and can now look forward to a fresh new horizon  

Best,- A12


----------



## LongWalk

You have suffered.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## arbitrator

Awakening2012 said:


> Wow, Arb -- yours is quite an amazing and dramatic story. TWO rich (or formerly rich) XW's! Upon reflection, do you think you were somehow drawn to powerful "take charge" Alpha type women? I hope you have got your health issues under control and that you and your children are doing well. I am so glad that you landed on your feet, and can now look forward to a fresh new horizon
> 
> Best,- A12


*Her's is a true "rags-to-riches-to-rags-again" story! I truly feel sorry for her in that as she now attempts to reach out to her son's as the controlling maven that she is, neither one of them wants much, if anything, to do with her!

But unlike my rich, skanky XW, I did disclose W No. 1's activities to her father. He and my MIL were heartbroken to hear it, but they always continued to treat me like their son-in-law that I always was!

And while still being of the mindset that she still has eternal salvation( which I will not offer to doubt in any way), but does not seem to honor God by either going to church or having any kind of a declared Christian ministry, she is truly a sad shell of a study of her once vibrant self!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:

Oldest College-Aged Son related to me that since he is temporarily staying with my rich, skanky XW over the course of the Summer, that she "asked " him to accompany her to church for Sunday AM services. While he was in a crunch to timely get to a site some 100 miles away to referee some adult flag football games, he agreed to follow her in his car, and then just leave from there.

Thinking that they would be attending the old hometown Lutheran Church where she was a perennial member, he said that he followed her to a United Methodist Church, Arb's church of choice; and not in her hometown either ~ but rather some 20 miles away in another rural town.

The United Methodist Church in her hometown is situated kitty-corner only a block away from her big home ~ which would require only a two-minute walk, rather than a 20-25 minute drive! It really makes me wonder just how much some of the local yokels there already know about her past sordid extracurricular activities and my obvious absence from the community and it saves her embarrassment to travel to the nether-regions for her religious needs. I asked my son if her attending this particular church was her current BF's choice of faith, and he said that her BF didn't really go to any church!

I do find it rather strange that she is now embracing my church of choice, that I often tried to get her to do in our more blissful marital and premarital days, without the least bit of success, and quite often being the subject of her scorn about it. 

This sudden "Renaissance" of her's really makes me wonder! I can only pray that it's for the better!*


----------



## Mr Blunt

> Oldest College-Aged Son related to me that since he is temporarily staying with my rich, skanky XW over the course of the Summer,



*Why doesn't your son stay with you?*


----------



## arbitrator

Mr Blunt said:


> *Why doesn't your son stay with you?*


*Blunt: Since all that I reside in now is a two bedroom apartment, where me and my youngest son occupy them, he doesn't want to displace us, nor does he want to crash on the living room couch for an inordinate period of time until his fall semester in his college town resumes.

And while he still does maintain excellent relations with his "stepmom" ~ my rich, skanky XW, and still funnels him some needed funding for his college education; she still has a soft spot for both of my sons, but absolutely wouldn't pee in my guts if I were on fire. She offered him his old bedroom back rent-free in the interim and only places him only 25 miles away from here. He doesn't necessarily like the way she treats me, but I have told him to look at the big picture and to look past it!

Now that's not to say that he won't come visit us and crash here with us on an "as needed basis," he just likes having a bed of his own on which to lay his head without disturbing us!*


----------



## bandit.45

You need to detach more from her Arb. Quit asking the boys about her, stop worrying about what she is up to. 

I still think you made a huge mistake not exposing.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> You need to detach more from her Arb. Quit asking the boys about her, stop worrying about what she is up to.
> 
> I still think you made a huge mistake not exposing.


*I don't really ask them, Bandito ~ they just freely volunteer the info. Fact of the matter is that I don't want to see her, period!*


----------



## Mr Blunt

> She still has a soft spot for both of my sons, but absolutely wouldn't pee in my guts if I were on fire.


Why does she hate you so much? Does she ever think about the fact that hate will eat her up from the inside?

I am glad that you have a good relationship with your children. Children will always be your children but spouses can come and go.


----------



## bandit.45

Yeah I've never understood why she despised you so much. She seems more outright hateful than the average cheating ho.


----------



## arbitrator

*She's rich ~ and can afford most anything she wants! I would presuppose that part of it stems from the fact that she's resentful that all of her kids who, at one time, seemed to hold so much intellectual promise, now are uneducated dolts who have resorted to being drug users, pushers, and jail veterans; refuse to work, choosing to live off of Mama's bankroll to support their drug and alcohol fixes!

Resentment in that my kids don't do that kind of tripe, but are rather studious and intellectual ~ something that my rich, skanky, headstrong XW envies and grossly resents. She hates it because I called her down on it, telling her on various occasions that she didn't try or offer to raise her's correctly! I'd have to surmise that she looks upon my boys as the kids that she only wished she'd had!

And I did my levelest best to offer them all encouragement, but they only laughed, mocked, and made fun of me. And instead of offering to show her own kids "tough-love," she just chose to help facilitate their slothiness and drug habits by throwing money at it. Then she greatly distanced herself from me enough to covertly go find other men from her distant past to satisfy whatever sexual yearnings she had. 

In essence, she had wealth, unspirituality and social depravity; I had modest economic means, spiritualty, and a core sense of values! 

And she obviously passed her's on to her kids just as I passed my own off to mine! That, in my estimation, is the root cause of her resentment of me! I was a father to mine ~ She was not anything descriptive of a mother to hers! Her mantra was, "why punish my own worthless kids when I have a broad-shouldered XH who I can put through earthly damnation!

Yes, honey ~ and while you might have a rather lavish 7 or 8 figure portfolio, I only hope that you come to realize that there are just some things in life that money absolutely won't buy!

It's no big financial theorem that you don't have to use your money for hate ~ you can always hate for free!*


----------



## bandit.45

We'll all I can say is, as cool a guy you are, you have a seriously broken woman picker. 

Have a female family member pick Wife #3 this time.


----------



## GTdad

Arb, does it bother you that your son is living with the Ex? It may just be me, but I suspect I'd have that nasty voice in my head talking about "traitors". It would be unfair, unreasonable, and unkind, but I imagine I'd be struggling with it just the same.


----------



## arbitrator

GTdad said:


> *Arb, does it bother you that your son is living with the Ex?* It may just be me, but I suspect I'd have that nasty voice in my head talking about "traitors". It would be unfair, unreasonable, and unkind, but I imagine I'd be struggling with it just the same.


*Yeah, GT! It absolutely does! The only reason he's there is that the boys bi-polar Mom threw him out of her house. He would be here with me if I had another bedroom as he doesn't really want to "summer it out" on the couch!

It irks me to no end that she seemingly has carte blanche in freely calling/communicating with both of my boys but, at the same time, continues to help them out with their educational expenses and keeping their bank accounts fastly tied in to hers for easy transfers. It bothers me greatly, although it shouldn't, to hear about her new, younger BF hanging around the house, much like I seem to be little more than yesterday's news! I often implore them to just keep me in the dark about her, that I just don't want to know anything about her comings and goings. But I do like to keep up with other affable family members of hers that I don't hear from anymore.*


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> *Well, all I can say is, as cool a guy you are, you have a seriously broken woman picker.
> 
> Have a female family member pick Wife #3 this time.*


*Bandito: Not a chance! I really don't even trust my own choices anymore, and seemingly trust other peoples recommendations even less! And I consider myself to be one God-loving, ecclesiastical, faithful dude!

Learning to fully trust a woman again is going to be one monumental task!*


----------



## Chaparral

Why didn't you ever out her?


----------



## arbitrator

Chaparral said:


> *Why didn't you ever out her?*


*Primarily because of the advice that my IC, my attorney, and my pastor gave me, saying that outing her would really serve no useful purpose and could well jeopardize the boy's educational support!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:

Just as I was about to take the field yesterday morning to work an all-day 7-On-7 Football Tournament, I received a telephone call from my best friend alerting me to some rather disturbing news.

It seems that he saw on FB yesterday AM, that my skanky XW's daughter had tragically lost her fiance to a motorcycle mishap the night before. While I didn't really care about this girl since she freely called me every four letter name in the book because I refused to accept her drug, tattoo, and incarceration habits, richly laden with the "F" word, to my face, I washed my hands of her a long time ago.

Upon hearing this news, I said a prayer for her, for the boy and his family, and for my skanky XW and her kids and family, for God to be with them in spirit, for sustenance and support; and that they might come to see some loving reassurances from the Heavenly Father in suffering through this most tragic demise.

I alerted my sons to the news and they were stunned as well.

It had occurred to me that maybe I could at least send some flowers or a potted plant to them, or maybe a card to express the boys and my sympathy, but as much as I am resented by my XW and her kids for objecting to their sordid lifestyle, I don't really think that anything good could ever come from it.

As is, I'm greatly thinking of of adhering to a strict "just let sleeping dogs lie" approach! With no proactive communication with her at all, do you think that I am correct in assuming this position?*


----------



## Chaparral

Your wife dislikes you so much because of her own guilt and dishonesty. Send her some of what you have on her. I'm guessing she will behave a lot better.

Once people let the lawyers get involved they hardly ever expose their cheating spouse. Lawyers must take a class in how to roll over and play dead.


----------



## happyman64

No. Never assume.

Put your best foot forward and offer your ex StepDaughter your truest condolences.

Mean it. Offer them. So that she knows that they truly and freely come from you.

Nothing less. Nothing more.

HM


----------



## arbitrator

happyman64 said:


> No. Never assume.
> 
> Put your best foot forward and offer your ex StepDaughter your truest condolences.
> 
> Mean it. Offer them. So that she knows that they truly and freely come from you.
> 
> Nothing less. Nothing more.
> 
> HM


*While I can and do see and greatly appreciate your standpoint, HM, I really don't know if it would do any discernible good. Given time, it might ~ but right now XW's daughter, as well as her brothers, remains venomously in support of their Mom because Mom placates their nauseating habits. 

I tried early on to get them to embrace being model kids, but they all were led down the drug-cultured goth path by their older brother, given approval by their Mom, who would "prefer to have them taking their meth and pot right there in her home, much rather than doing it in some other persons house."

Her quote ~ not mine!
*


----------



## arbitrator

*Update: 

With oldest son temporarily residing in his former Stepmom's abode, he confided to me at my belated birthday supper some things that were occurring at my old abode: firstly, that my rich, skanky, XW's BF had taken up residence there on a semi-permanent basis and was freely occupying my place on her bed on most nights. Now while he does have a rent house of his own off in some remote part of the county, he chooses to stay there with my rich, skanky XW primarily because of his job that is there in the very same town.

Son also related to me that this guy was a lot like me in that he was mild mannered, was not a prolific drinker, greatly unlike my rich, skanky XW, and that he seemed to mirror me in the behavior department pretty much letting her call all of the shots. As far as the XW, her drinking regimen has remained right along the lines of the status quo. The only thing that the new BF was supposedly different about was being fairly tolerant of her now grown kids lowlife drug, alcohol, and tattoo culture, not to mention their repulsive friends; and that he seemed to be her new "step-and-fetch it," being summarily rewarded with bedroom courtesies. Now that really makes me wonder if her socially conservative family, both in and out of town, are even acutely aware of his presence there, or if he vacates over to his own abode whenever her families presence is imminent.

On yet another note, my XW's skanky 21 yo daughter recently lost her fiance' to a motorcycle mishap, and that as a courtesy to her, my XW unloaded a lot of her personal liquor stash to the girl in order to help her cope with the tragedy. Now that sounds exactly like what every responsible sympathetic mother should do.

Given these revelations, it sure doesn't appear that things have immeasurably improved a whole lot over there! Except for maybe a brand new resident "Stage Door Johnny!"*


----------



## arbitrator

*Update:

It's between college semesters, and both of my collegiate son's are occupying their old bedrooms in the abode of my rich, skanky, XW. Thank God that her own "convicts" live elsewhere, continuing to revel in their drugs and tattoos, all pretty much at "Mom's" expense! 

To my knowledge, she is still funneling financial support to my boys for their educational endeavors, as she has repeatedly told them that she does not want them to be carrying an inordinate amount of student debt past their graduation and perhaps post-graduation. The boys do sincerely appreciate it, but are still occasionally perplexed by it. The only thing in her favor is that she does seemingly love those boys of mine just as they were her very own; she just wouldn't pee in my guts if I were totally on fire!

I firmly believe that she knows that she is holding the trump card in that as long as she is supplanting their college expenses, that I will not expose or try to "out" her to her family.

To wit, I can respect that, but it does forestall exposure plans to some of her family members. I see it as kind of an underhanded form of blackmail in a way; sort of an insurance policy against being exposed for what she extracurricularly did while we were married.

Both boys have accepted her "new fiance" for who he is, saying that he is a nice enough guy, but greatly like me, gets severely bossed around by her, just like I did, as her new quasi-resident "step-and-fetch-it."

Seems as if she has not abandoned her mantra of laying out carefully crafted plans to suit her own whims. Money can definitely have a tendency to do that to a person as it's a major form of power to them!*


----------



## Chaparral

Hard to imagine any "step and fetch it" having a successful relationship. Have you read mmslp?


----------



## LongWalk

Your ex probably never had faithfulness to one man in her mind when she married you. She believes that a woman must be true to her desires. At the same time she likes the idea of being a good person. Betraying you, she rationalized by disliking you. You were too proud and too boring to her taste. If you had piles of money, she might have curbed her extramarital sexual appetite.

Her decision to stick by your sons as financially is a super cunning move that allows many benefits:

1) It shows her to be generous;
2) and loyal;
3) It is a way of prying affection and attention from your sons that eats at you – this is a form of revenge or torture;
4) She may actually like your sons and wish that their example would help her biological children;
5) She may wish to show you that she is not all bad;
6) She may need the ego boost that comes from having a couple of step-sons who must pay her mind;
7) As to the exposure, well, she doesn't know what you know about her two affairs. However, she may suspect that you know.

Why not concentrate on the things in life that are meaningful to you? Sports. You can date again. Perhaps the biggest obstacle to taking women out is economic?

HappyMan often remarks that the best revenge is a life well led. Marrying a Waffle House waitress, BullWinkle once joked, might be the way to go.


----------



## arbitrator

Chaparral said:


> Hard to imagine any "step and fetch it" having a successful relationship. Have you read mmslp?


*Read it? I own it! Just as I also own NMMNG!

"Step-and--Fetch-It" is largely what "the skank's" perception of a functional male is, at least for her. I revolted and she started looking for a new pair of pants, which she finally found!

I'm greatly over "the skank!" It's only that I'm just letting everyone know what's been going on so that this thread doesn't totally dry up; as I have yet to print it off, at least for my edification! Thanks!*


----------



## arbitrator

LongWalk said:


> Your ex probably never had faithfulness to one man in her mind when she married you. She believes that a woman must be true to her desires. At the same time she likes the idea of being a good person. Betraying you, she rationalized by disliking you. You were too proud and too boring to her taste. If you had piles of money, she might have curbed her extramarital sexual appetite.
> 
> Her decision to stick by your sons as financially is a super cunning move that allows many benefits:
> 
> 1) It shows her to be generous;
> 2) and loyal;
> 3) It is a way of prying affection and attention from your sons that eats at you – this is a form of revenge or torture;
> 4) She may actually like your sons and wish that their example would help her biological children;
> 5) She may wish to show you that she is not all bad;
> 6) She may need the ego boost that comes from having a couple of step-sons who must pay her mind;
> 7) As to the exposure, well, she doesn't know what you know about her two affairs. However, she may suspect that you know.
> 
> Why not concentrate on the things in life that are meaningful to you? Sports. You can date again. Perhaps the biggest obstacle to taking women out is economic?
> 
> HappyMan often remarks that the best revenge is a life well led. Marrying a Waffle House waitress, BullWinkle once joked, might be the way to go.


*Great analogy, LW! I really think that you're "spot-on!"*


----------



## SamuraiJack

So lets rephrase this because you seem to be missing the good parts....Your skanky, cheating ex wife is over a barrel with the knowledge you have and is willing to pay for your kids ENTIRE education to buy your silence.

If you look at it from the other side, it would appear that you are the one holding the cards here.

I say lean back, let her do the heavy lifting, and reap the benefits of her instinct to conceal...


----------



## arbitrator

SamuraiJack said:


> So lets rephrase this because you seem to be missing the good parts....Your skanky, cheating ex wife is over a barrel with the knowledge you have and is willing to pay for your kids ENTIRE education to buy your silence.
> 
> If you look at it from the other side, it would appear that you are the one holding the cards here.
> 
> I say lean back, let her do the heavy lifting, and reap the benefits of her instinct to conceal...


*It would seem so, Samurai! But she has damned-near pushed me toward the brink of destitution, while taking my boys under her wings!

Yes, she definitely would not want her Mother, Brother, or Sister to know, along with some of her close mutual friends! Right now, I think the best plan is to continue to let her provide help to the boys, but once they're done ~ then it would be time to provide certain unidentified members of her family and friends with nice, professionally bound copies of "the evidence" against her, perhaps a day or two prior to getting her very own personal copy!*


----------



## SamuraiJack

arbitrator said:


> *It would seem so, Samurai! But she has damned-near pushed me toward the brink of destitution, while taking my boys under her wings!
> 
> Yes, she definitely would not want her Mother, Brother, or Sister to know, along with some of her close mutual friends! Right now, I think the best plan is to continue to let her provide help to the boys, but once they're done ~ then it would be time to provide certain unidentified members of her family and friends with nice, professionally bound copies of "the evidence" against her, perhaps a day or two prior to getting her very own personal copy!*


Play the long game...not the short game.


----------



## old timer

_*"she has damned-near pushed me toward the brink of destitution"*_

How so?
Is she preventing you from working and earning a living?


----------



## arbitrator

old timer said:


> _*"she has damned-near pushed me toward the brink of destitution"*_
> 
> How so?
> Is she preventing you from working and earning a living?


*OT: The skank was very good about spending what little money I had after she had verbalized to me, premarriage, that "when we married, that I wouldn't have a thing to financally worry about!"

After having me sign a prenup, an action of hers that I thought was done to help her preserve her wealth in the instance of unforseen divorce, I didn't really have a problem with it! My attorney concurred. All that I thought it did was to keep me from making community property out of her earnings, as well as her wealth. During the divorce proceedings, she went after what little of mine that I had remaining(401k), but was denied by the court. She did succeed in getting the court to allow her to buy a hefty life insurance policy on me, and while she initially petitioned the court to have me pay the premiums on it, that too, was denied. But the court told her that while she could have the insurance, that she would have to pay the premiums herself!

At age 62, I used my 401k solely for living expenses and for my youngest son's private school education, prior to his heading off to his college education at Texas A&M, which she does help subsidize, along with his scholarships. Very little of my savings is left and all that I'm financially receiving these days is my Social Security income that I was forced to take @ 62.

Despite the fact tht I'm a retiree from the Fed, a college degree, and with years of customer service management experience, at my age, I cannot seem to even garner a job interview, much less a job in my area. Employers as a general rule, do not really care to hire the older educated worker, for whatever reason!

The funny thing is that while my rich, skanky XW is now engaged to be married again this summer, I'm told that she's having him sign a prenup as well! I'm just wondering if he fully knows and understands the ramifictions of such!

I just sincerely hope that he doesn't have a whole heck of lot to lose!*


----------



## old timer

arb:

These observations may sound a bit harsh, but here's my take and some unsolicited advice from someone only one year your junior who has gotten on with his life after divorce:

You entered into a marriage expecting your wife to provide for you and your kids (something I could personally never accept, but it is what it is). She is still providing for the kids, so you got part of the deal you bargained for. Since you cannot do so, be grateful. Not verbalizing this to her, necessarily, but in your own mind. Although saying it to her wouldn't hurt anything (other than your pride). This is a business deal. Remove the emotion.

As for "outing" her to family and friends - forget about it. They are already aware that she's an egotistical ****, so what does it accomplish? If she has a fear of you doing so and that keeps her paying the college expenses, play along with it. 

You are so wrapped up in bitterness for the ex that you cannot adequately adapt and function - get over it. Easier said than done, but it's all on you to make it happen.

Concentrate on bettering yourself. Work out, get in shape. Look sharp, dress sharp. Be confident (fake it til you make it). Get laid. Works wonders for your confidence and outlook on life.

re. employment:

It's different nowadays in the world of the internet. Everything is done online. There are some very good free services (Indeed, Monster) which consolidate available job postings. Don't stick to what you know and are comfortable with. Dare to do something different. 

The ex and I owned a very successful restaurant/club business 21 years which was destroyed by a tornado. Gone in an instant. I couldn't get more than a courtesy interview in this field. 
Why? I was too old, of course.

After separating, I got on a good exercise/free weight program (confidence builder) and worked three PT jobs simultaneously for six months (earning your own money is a *huge* confidence builder) before landing the job I have now in an entirely different field than I'd ever done. It pays well, I travel a lot, meet new and interesting people every day and have a liberal expense account, so I live good on the road.

This didn't happen overnight, it's been a two year process.

There is a better life out there for you, but it's up to *you* to create it. The ball is in your court, Hoss.


----------



## arbitrator

*OT: I really think that your assessment of my situation is pretty well, "spot-on!"

I will admit that I have not yet tried the Monster or the internet job route, largely adhering to what a lot of my friends have recommended in personal networking ~ as they say that the most logical and realistic way to find work is largely through personal contacts; people who may be in the know about the current or projected job openings that are out there. I do know that there are some older businessmen and hiring principles out there who have greatly intoned that they prefer the older, more-experienced worker. Unfortunately, the ones that I've personally visited with have told me that they have no current openings, but tell me to keep checking back with them. I'm also aware that I may have to initiate a change of locale, say into the Greater Houston area, where the prospects of jobs are somewhat better. I do have two fairly firm job leads at the moment, done through networking, but am waiting for those hiring principles to get back with me, which should be relatively soon.

Regarding my social situation, I am happy to report that I have been on a couple of dating websites, have met several nice ladies, and even went out a couple of times, but did not seem to find a mutual interest with any of them. Last week, I received an "out-of-the-blue" phone call from one of my matches in a town several hours removed from here. To date, we have conversationally hit it off extremely well. She's now pressing me for a date in a neutral city in the very near future, although I do have a few mixed emotions about it! But I can see no real harm in it, after all, "nothing ventured, nothing gained!"

While I am not overtly bitter about what XW did regarding her adultery, I am regarding her overall blatant deception. She is the one who pushed marriage onto me, having me take early retirement; knowing my financial situation was nowhere near what hers was, and telling me that "we wouldn't have anything to worry about financially speaking, again! That is what really irks me! She seemingly loves my two sons as her own because they instill in her, largely by default, some semblance of motherly pride that her own three dope dealing "renegades" cannot!

I am particularly impressed by your percepted recogniton of the fact that XW's family probably is already aware of who she truly is. They do not seem to like XW's kids, as when things seem to come up missing or vandalized, those kids seem to have been around. I fondly remember a cousin of hers who has a doctorate in engineering, who has a more than obvious passing disdain for her, who called me aside just about a month prior to our 2004 wedding, and bluntly asking me "Do you know what the hell that you're getting yourself into?" Just from that, that greatly tells me that even her closer family members may have similar feelings about her, but because of their immediate family logistics, just choose to largely look the other way!

And while I may still feel the personal justification of never wanting to speak to or see her again, no one is more grateful than I am, more especially, for the ardent financial support that she has seen fit to extend to those son's of mine for their eductional and personal endeavors, For that, she should be heartily commended, and I have absolutely no problem in doing that! But I cannot help but feel that the chasm of non-communication that has come to exist between us is most resultive of the covert decisions that she came to make that brought what I erroneously believed to be a loving marriage to an abrupt halt; something of which she is so innately ashamed of, that she simply cannot bring herself to even try to offer opening up any possible doors of communication in any way with me. Am I right in reciprocating the silence? Probably not ~ but while I have chosen to offer her outright forgiveness of those adulterous and deceptive atrocities against me, I cannot forget what happened and must use that as one of life's hard learning lessons!

Regarding "outing her," my pastor as well as several good church friends, have recommended that I put that burden down and leave it to God, and that's pretty much the mantra I've developed. In trying to admittingly "prosecute" her for "her crimes," I fully realize that she, like all of us ultimately will have to do, must stand before God and confess to Him our many sins, transgressions, and shortcomings. I have long since put those evidentiary files of hers away in storage, nd have not even exmined them since God knows when. But when my heart comes to occasionally relive the hurt of it all, is when I seemingly have totally clear recall of the minutest detail. That is all too indicative of a man who is trying to keep God from working His will in this world, in letting Him be the judge of all things.

Once again, OT, I appreciate your total candor and friendship, along with so many other of my dear friends here at TAM, as your astute insight has richly called me out; just as it should be! I thank you, kind Sir, and everybody else here so very, very much for all of your heartfelt care and concern! For that I remain eternally grateful!*


----------



## LongWalk

Old Timer's analysis was good.

Arbitrator,

You are an honorable person. That is part of the reason that your XW wanted to marry you. There was a deficit in that area of her life and she thought that rectifying it was necessary. However, once married she realized that honor was boring. The illicit sexual encounters filled a need that you could not. Paying your boys tuition is a way to keep her honor. Who is the winner or loser?

I can understand your desire to have a good job commensurate with your education and experience. The job market has changed. You may be able to get something where an honorable, reliable person will be valued.

Could you teach? Since you know football well, you might get coaching job at school.


----------



## arbitrator

*LW: That is a more than discernible possibility since I do already know a plethora of athletic coaches and administrators. 

Another area that I've thought about is largely to try to get into either sporting goods sales or athletic equipment sales, say in marketing athletic goods and services such as football uniforms, equpment, scoreboards, related services, et al. more especially to those where the end user is going to be the various school districts.

In any event, I want you and OT, and all of my other TAM friends to literally stay in the middle of my backside to make sure that I'm following up on and working on these job possibilities.I appreciate everyones care and candor so very, very much! 

I think that your insight, much like OT's is a vivid and realistic one, more especially regarding the mantra of my rich, skanky, XW. Your logic and rationale just makes so much sense!

As an update, over in her domain, I've got my youngest son, who is a college junior, living there with her and her soon-to-be-hubby, who has already moved in prior to their planned nuptials sometime this summer. My oldest, who is a senior, is thinking of going back to the major university where my youngest son is already at(Texas A&M) and finishing up on his degree work from there as well, and he has been summarily asked to move in since it is only located less than a half-hour from campus!

Make no mistake about it: she loves those boys of mine ~ hands down! She just continues to seemingly resent the hell out of me! And I largely assess that to some degree of internalized "guilt" on her part. But for as long as she continues to love, respect, and look out for my boys, I have nothing but the utmost respect for that part of her. And strangely enough, my hurt subsides to the point that even considering "outing her" to her family, friends, as well as to her newly betrothed, becomes a much more distant and fleeting thought.

Perhaps, as my pastor had told me quite a while ago, that her resultive vengeance and disdain toward me , for whatever reason, should be left solely between her and God, and not to include me!*


----------



## SamuraiJack

Dont fret Arb,
She will make her own bed very soon.


----------



## LongWalk

The best thing we older guys can do is get in shape. Run, walk, lift weights. Over the weekend I went to a wake in the UK. There was lots of British food. I only drank a beer or two each day but my body doesn't like alcohol much. I went up a mountain, steps along huge steel hydroelectric pipes, twice for exercise. On monday I got back in the pool to play. Did not feel great, I must say. Yesterday I got in again and trained hard. It's tougher when you get older but the alternative is worse.


----------



## arbitrator

LongWalk said:


> The best thing we older guys can do is get in shape. Run, walk, lift weights. Over the weekend I went to a wake in the UK. There was lots of British food. I only drank a beer or two each day but my body doesn't like alcohol much. I went up a mountain, steps along huge steel hydroelectric pipes, twice for exercise. On Monday I got back in the pool to play. Did not feel great, I must say. Yesterday I got in again and trained hard. It's tougher when you get older but the alternative is worse.


* Oo Wednesday mornings, I normally have a Biblically based book study group with a group of men, mostly United Methodist, who buy different books and study them in depth for some rather provocative discussions that I honestly feel that most every man here at TAM might possibly enjoy! But that really isn't my point!

A good friend oof ours who is from another denomination who is a notable pediatrician by trade, said that very early this summer, he wants to take a bunchof us on a spiritual/physical retreat to the Big Bend Country of Texas/Mexico to hike canyon trails, scale canyon walls, and raft down a particularly long and arduous whitewater run, that should get us all in shape and experience some spirituality/fellowship in nature. 

I was asked to go along, and by golly, I'm thinking that I'm going to break down and do! After all, not only should it bolster my Christian spirituality, but at the very same time, it should get me in some semblence of being in pretty damn good physical shape to referee in the 2015 football season!*


----------



## Cynthia

arbitrator said:


> *
> 
> Make no mistake about it: she loves those boys of mine ~ hands down! She just continues to seemingly resent the hell out of me! And I largely assess that to some degree of internalized "guilt" on her part. But for as long as she continues to love, respect, and look out for my boys, I have nothing but the utmost respect for that part of her. And strangely enough, my hurt subsides to the point that even considering "outing her" to her family, friends, as well as to her newly betrothed, becomes a much more distant and fleeting thought.
> 
> Perhaps, as my pastor had told me quite a while ago, that her resultive vengeance and disdain toward me , for whatever reason, should be left solely between her and God, and not to include me!*


I have been reading your thread and have a very bad feeling about your ex. I do not think she loves your boys or anyone for that matter. I think she is a psychopath and I do not say that lightly.
How did her last husband die?
How many times has she been married?


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> I have been reading your thread and have a very bad feeling about your ex. I do not think she loves your boys or anyone for that matter. I think she is a psychopath and I do not say that lightly.
> How did her last husband die?
> How many times has she been married?


*Cynthia: Her first husband, who she met when they attended college together, was a brilliant, accomplished mechanical and systems engineer who went on to become a VP of a major computer firm, making millions. His downfall was that he was an alcoholic, who eventually was forced to leave the company because of it. That's when she separated from him, briefly reconciled, long enough to send him off to an out-of-state alcoholism rehab. Prior to his departure, she supposedly convinced him to sign over to her a power of attorney. As the story goes, before he got back from his multiweek rehab, she moved over half of his bank account, several milions, over to a personal account of hers. Upon returning from the rehab, he had a severe relapse, and that was the death knell of the marriage. She summarily had him moved out of their palatial county home of some 7,000 sq. ft., initially to his parents, and then he bought another ritzy home in a neighboring county, where he lived off of his amassed wealth, living asa loner, and continuing his alcoholism in a huge way. Divorcewise, she got a renowned family lawyer to draw up the terms, and he agreed unhesitatingly, without even hiring one to represent himself. She ended up getting several more million in cash/stocks, part of his 401k for his kids, hefty child support for their three kids, with only token visitation priviliges, and massive college trust funds for them. Some of her friends intoned to me that they firmly believed that she had some kind of affair going on when her H was sent off to rehab, something I cannot substantiate.

Roughly a year after I had met her online, (prior to marriage, and only mere weeks after our engagement had become official), they received a phone call late one weeknight, to the effect that her XH's elderly parents had not heard from him in several days, and ventured over to his home to visit him, only to find the door locked. Having a key, they entered, only to find his lifeless body in an indoor jacuzzi, where the coroner ruled that it had been for two to three days. Supposedly he had passed out from the intake of so much alcohol, and likely drowned. Because of the ingestion of alcohol which the toxicology report indicated that his body had over 5X the amount in it to be adjudicated as legally drunk, they ruled his death "a suicide."

Other than for trying to comfort their three teenage kids, she did not seem to be remorseful at all. She did attend the funeral, and asked me to go with her, which I absolutely refused to do, telling her that doing such, in front of his family, would be in more than extremely bad taste.

We married roughly 4 months later in a rather lavish church wedding in her parents hometown as well as our new home. The rest is history. For what it is worth, her first H's best friend at his company, also an engineer who left the business only to become a "Willie Nelson Wannabee Musician," was the one that she had her first PA with.(I aptly nicknamed him "Little Lord Lardass!")She reconnected with him right after her kids showed her how to set up a FB account. Of course, I never had the first damn clue about it until long after it happened, during our own separation!

Now she is engaged to a local guy, a few years her junior, who is a local newspaper editor and a parttime musician. Their nuptials are slated to take place sometime over the course of this summer. This will be Bridegroom No. 3. And I'll lay you favorable odds that, he too, will have to sign a prenup in order to walk the aisle with her, just as I did!

Now you know as much as I do! So what really makes you think that she might be a psychopath? I do disagree about her loving my sons, because they academically are what she had only wished that her own flesh and blood renegades had turned out to be, much rather than school dropouts, drugheads and tattoo mavens that they did successfully become!*


----------



## Cynthia

Where was your ex-wife at the time of her first husband's death? Is there any chance that she may have gone to see him before he died?


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> Where was your ex-wife at the time of her first husband's death? Is there any chance that she may have gone to see him before he died?


*I do know for a fact that I was present in her home the fateful night that she received word of her first husbands demise. Just as I remember that after she received that phone call from her former father-in-law, she came crying to me, asking how she should tell the kids. My advise to her was to tell them ASAP,just her and them! I was going to leave to go back home, but she wanted me there for her, so I stayed and left from there to go to work the next morning. 

In fact, we were already officially engaged at that time, and I had occasionally been staying some nights there at her home, in their maid's quarters, which was a detached apartment situated over a carport/garage on the far side of the house, located near the rather large swimming pool and attached hottub. 

The rather spacious, ungated family home itself was situated in a quasi-rural area of a suburban NW county close to Houston, located some 60-65 miles away from where I lived on the far South side of town. It was a rather isolated home located more than a half mile off of a rural country road, connected to it by a long winding crushed gravel driveway leading to it! She and him had built this home together over the course of the early years of their marriage both themselves, with family, and with building contractors.

It was often that she still talked to him, mostly about his occasional lapses in forgetting to timely pay her child support; his secretive drinking while the kids often stayed with him in his home in a nice Nothern Harris County golfing neigborhood; and more often, the question of his sobriety whenever he came by the kids private school to pick them up for their weekend visitation with him. He rarely ever called her as she did him, but she seemed to communicate more with him through the much more impersonal medium of email. But if she ever needed to "get in his crap" about something, she certainly wouldn't hesitate to call him or even drive over to see him, if need be. But she had made it abundantly clear to him that she did not ever want him present at her home, if he had been drinking. And from her descriptions of his drinking, he was never a violent drunk, just a happy one!

In an earlier post, I expressed dismay about one particular occurence where I had come to visit her one Friday after work, planning to stay for the weekend. She wanted to pick the kids up from school and then deliver them to his home, and then go on to whatever it was that she had planned for us, likely dinner and a show in Houston. She wanted us all to travel together to his house to drop the kids off and then go on with our date. I objected, because I thought that pulling into his driveway,as the man that was going to marry his former wife, would be deemed to bemore than insultive to him. She called me a "baby" but she convinced me that it would save us so much more time and travel if we did it that way. So I acquiesced and went along with her plan. I'll never ever forget pulling into his driveway, as he sauntered out to greet the kids, catching a glimpse of me in the car, initially starring but hugging the kids and helping them take their belongings inside the house. To this very day, I still feel sheepish about that particular occurence!

It was not very often that he showed up at their home to pick up the kids for visitation but he did show up at least a couple of times when I was there on weekends. He never saw me as I often was in the maids quarters when he arrived and chose not to make my presence known. To my knowledge, he was a nice enough guy, but was just an alcoholic, as he had allegedly been since his college days. The other thing was that his parents lived right down the road in a smaller scale home, about a half mile from where they did, near the entrance of the driveway.

Her travel habits were far and many, even then, often having to travel to her parents large ranch some 70 miles away to help with ranch work, or her going to horse shows with her daughter, who early on had seemingly developed an affinity for horsemanship and was in serious training to become an equestrian.

Sorry for all of the verbosity and the sheer length of this narrative posting, but I thought that this description would perhaps present a little more insight into her post-divorce socialization with him.*


----------



## Cynthia

My main concerns regarding your ex are:
* It appears that she purposefully encouraged you to spend all of your money.
* You were the caretaker of the home. She then wanted you to pay her back for supporting you. If you had drawn a salary for all that you did, she would have owed you money, not the other way around. This shows that she has a sense of entitlement.
* She was cheating on you and continuing to use you, then she suddenly switched gears. This shows that she must have had some sort of plan.
* There is no reason for her to have a life insurance policy on you. I do not understand why a judge would grant that.
* She withheld your inheritance from you by not allowing you to retrieve it for over two years. This also shows a sense of entitlement and lack of concern for your well-being.
* Overall she has shown a complete lack of concern for your well-being. She feels free to use you and steal your property. She thinks you owe her money, then she demands a life insurance policy on you. She has seen that her ex died and she got a life insurance settlement from his death, which may have given her the idea that it could work again. Either that or she was somehow involved in his last binge. She didn't have to be there when he died. All she would have had to do would be to get him drunk and into the hot tube. If he outlived his value to her, she may have decided that it was time to cash in. This is improbable, but possible.
She seems to see people as expendable resources to use at her discretion and when she is done with them, she takes whatever she can. I think you should watch your back. If I were you, I would spend time fasting and praying for wisdom on what is going on and what to do about it. I just do not think you are safe.
And I don't know what she wants with your boys, but I think there is a lot more to it than meets the eye.
This is what comes to mind off the top of my head. I have found your story to be unsettling and alarming.


----------



## arbitrator

*CynthiaDe: How I wish that you had been a TAM contributor back when my D trial ensued!

Actually, the State District Court Judge that heard our case, was a pretty sharp old lady herself, stating that there was no prohibition under Texas state law to keep anyone from buying a life insurance policy, even on a total stranger. She even told me that I could certainly buy one myself on my rich, skanky XW and she, as Judge, would order it, if I were in agreement. My response to her was "No thanks, your Honor! I can't really afford the premiums, nor would I want to be the recipient of blood money. She told me smiling, "I completely understand! But if you change your mind, just petition the court legally or by letter, and I will be happy to take care of it for you!"

Regarding the boys, she seems to genuinely love them as they are turning out to be the antithesis of her own three lousy kids. Truth be known, I think she has tried or is trying to turn them against me, thereby causing me further isolation. I will be petitioning the court at a future date to get my remaining family furnishings out of her home. 

Another strange thing is that she has left her home church, the Lutheran(ECLA), then no sooner than she gets involved with future Hubby No. 3, I find out that she has joined my denomination, the United Methodist Church, in another nearby city. I am in a leadership capacity with the Methodists, and contingent upon how involved that she and Hubby No. 3 become in it, there is a liklihood that I will have to confront them at some Methodist function, something that I really do not care to do!

Another oddity is that while she continuously used to chide Hubby No. 1 as the prolific alcoholic that he was, her own daily alcoholic consumption regimen usually consists of two or three Smirnoff Ice's from about 2:30-5PM; A bottle of Beringer's White Zinfindel from 5-8PM; then 2-3 ea.~ count'em ~ 16 oz. Glasses of Bailey's Irish Cream, usually from 8PM until she finally hit the hay at about 2AM.

Now, I have never seen her staggering drunk or slurry in speech, but whenever I woke up beside her in the morning, I could smell that "old, stale, putrid alcohol breath" of hers that I've smelled often before from folks who were adjudicated as alcoholics. 

So if that is not "the pot calling the kettle black," then I don't have a clue as to what you would call it!*


----------



## Cynthia

Did she turn her children against her ex-husband?


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> Did she turn her children against her ex-husband?


*She tried, but with little to no success! They all seemed to love him, despite his alcoholism! But like most everybody else, they didn't respect him other than for the massive amounts of money that he lavished out on them! 

But whenever she wanted "date nights" with me, which was usually on Fridays/Saturdays/Sundays, she was more than happy to either dump them off on him or their school friends, or just leave them there at home!*


----------



## Cynthia

Well I doubt that she had anything to do with her ex's death, from what you've said, but I do think she is a dangerous woman and you would be wise to seek the Lord to see if there is something you should know and if so, what you should do about it. I have a bad feeling about her.


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> Well I doubt that she had anything to do with her ex's death, from what you've said, but I do think she is a dangerous woman and you would be wise to seek the Lord to see if there is something you should know and if so, what you should do about it. I have a bad feeling about her.


* Well, that makes at least two of us! I just can't really seem to understand why one purported Christian can choose to treat another one, especially one who is their spouse, the way that she did me! Both of my pastors as well as my IC told me to ditch my plans in outing her, telling me to just box everything up and just store the evidence, and "just turn it over to God!"

Thusfar, I've complied!*


----------



## Cynthia

Do your boys know the full extent of what she did to you?


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> Do your boys know the full extent of what she did to you?


*The oldest one has seen all of the evidence, photos, cell phone reports and timelines and is equally perplexed about it. But at my insistance, he remains mute about it all, but friendly with her.

The youngest has not and, while seemingly remaining neutral, seems to be conversing with me less and less. And while he now all but shuns his natural mother who mistreated him in his adolescent years, My rich, skanky XW, I theorize, has somehow elevated her standing in his eyes to become his surrogate mother!*


----------



## Cynthia

I think you have encouraged them to lean on her financially. I can see why you did it, but I don't think it is healthy. I also think your younger son deserves to know the truth.


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> I think you have encouraged them to lean on her financially. I can see why you did it, but I don't think it is healthy. I also think your younger son deserves to know the truth.


*Oldest son has shared that verbally with him, but he seems unmoved.

If there is any advantage in the boys being there, it would greatly be that they let me know what all is going on around there with her and her family. But I do know that her own family(Mom, siblings, cousins) have all somewhat cooled off on her, ever since she saw fit in introducing prospective Hubby No. 3 to them!*


----------



## anonfrank

I just read your whole thread, arbitrator. I truly feel for you and am glad that in many ways, you are moving on. Coming here to vent is a good thing. You have worse luck with women than I have had! You are now free to pursue your own happiness.

Here's to hoping you find a decent woman to spend time with, or if not, that you will find contentment. *clinks glass*


----------



## Chuck71

arbitrator said:


> *She tried, but with little to no success! They all seemed to love him, despite his alcoholism! *


Solid thread, great flow.... you deserve much better than what she was

willing or capable of giving. Also... her XH was an alcoholic....

good bet any man trying to put up with her would be one too


----------



## Chaparral

Have you read mmslp? Are you dating? Just curious.


----------



## Cynthia

I think as long as she feels that she has your children that you are probably safe, but once she feels them slipping away you could be in danger. There is something very wrong about her. These things do not improve unless there is a radical transformation in a person. For someone who seems to have no conscience and uses people as trophies or playthings, they get worse and more dangerous as time goes on.
You seems to be quite passive and more of an observer than an action oriented person. That is not necessarily good or bad, but if it keeps you from putting up a shield or wielding a sword when you or your family is in danger, then it becomes a problem.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Solid thread, great flow.... you deserve much better than what she was
> 
> willing or capable of giving. Also... her XH was an alcoholic....
> 
> good bet any man trying to put up with her would be one too


*Truth be told, Chuck, she probably had a major impact on his already heavy drinking! 

To wit, I really think that XH' s drinking, while it should have been something that should have driven her far from it, has rather been something that she readily embraced and came to accept,for both herself, as well as her worthless children. And something that she has made absolutely no effort to ever try to make a recovery from!*


----------



## arbitrator

Chaparral said:


> Have you read mmslp? Are you dating? Just curious.


*In fact, Chap: I have Date No. 2 slated for tomorrow with a school teacher lady. She's from the Corpus Christi area, and I'm driving down to meet her in Victoria tomorrow for Church, Brunch, and a movie. We've been talking for about a month now, since hooking up on eHarmony! We've had a great time talking and texting ~ now she wants to take it to the next level! And as do I!*


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> I think as long as she feels that she has your children that you are probably safe, but once she feels them slipping away you could be in danger. There is something very wrong about her. These things do not improve unless there is a radical transformation in a person. For someone who seems to have no conscience and uses people as trophies or playthings, they get worse and more dangerous as time goes on.
> You seems to be quite passive and more of an observer than an action oriented person. That is not necessarily good or bad, but if it keeps you from putting up a shield or wielding a sword when you or your family is in danger, then it becomes a problem.


*You're a quick and accurate study, Cynthia! But I don't quite sense that I need a sword, or just yet, anyway! I told my oldest son about my dating a new lady from down in South Texas.I'm hoping that he relates this to her, more especially to see if it gets any kind of reaction out of her!

But I don't personally think that it will affect her, one way or the other!*


----------



## Cynthia

I don't think she will care one way or the other if you have someone else.
Do you know if she actually took out a life insurance policy on you? Is there a way to find out, if you don't already know?


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> I don't think she will care one way or the other if you have someone else.
> Do you know if she actually took out a life insurance policy on you? Is there a way to find out, if you don't already know?


*Cynthia: I guess you only could find out if I suddenly died! All that I know is the presiding district court judge just ordered the request to buy insurance by her counsel, and then upset them somewhat by telling me that I had the very same right to buy a life insurance policy on her.

Their original motion called for me to pay the premiums on the policy she took out on me, but the judge quickly struck that down, to their great dismay.

The only real difference between the two of us is that my rich, skanky XW can well afford to pay life insurance premiums with the luxury of her amassed wealth ~ Unfortunately, I cannot!*


----------



## Cynthia

arbitrator said:


> *Cynthia: I guess you only could find out if I suddenly died! All that I know is the presiding district court judge just ordered the request to buy insurance by her counsel, and then upset them somewhat by telling me that I had the very same right to buy a life insurance policy on her.
> 
> Their original motion called for me to pay the premiums on the policy she took out on me, but the judge quickly struck that down, to their great dismay.
> 
> The only real difference between the two of us is that my rich, skanky XW can well afford to pay life insurance premiums with the luxury of her amassed wealth ~ Unfortunately, I cannot!*


Right. I know she can have one, but the questions is, "does she have one?" If she has a life insurance policy out on you, I would be somewhat concerned, but if she does not, then it would not appear that she has plans for your demise. When you get back on your feet financially, you might want to use a life insurance locator service to see if there is one out on you. This way you would know how much your death would be worth to her.


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> Right. I know she can have one, but the questions is, "does she have one?" If she has a life insurance policy out on you, I would be somewhat concerned, but if she does not, then it would not appear that she has plans for your demise. When you get back on your feet financially, you might want to use a life insurance locator service to see if there is one out on you. This way you would know how much your death would be worth to her.


*She could have gotten one of those mail-order/internet type of policies, for all that I know! She told the judge when querried about her need for the policy that she "wanted the policy primarily to be able to give my sons some monetary benefit in the event of my death," to which the judge asked her, "then why did your legal counsel originally request that Mr. Arbitrator pay for the policy?" Her counsel immediately jumped up and screamed, "Objection!" to which the judge told him "Overruled," and to sit down ~ that she as judge had the right to question any witness. Her counsel, then used the tired old line,"Well your honor, it's not really fair to us that while you seem to be our judge, you seem to be Mr. Arbitrator's counsel, too! The judge then told him that, she as judge, did know what contempt of court was and that she also knew the penalty for it ~ telling her attorney to hit his chair, and stay there and to ask her permission if he as much as had to leave to go to the restroom!

I really feel that the way that this attorney handled himself before the Court definitely played a role in the judges decision on the insurance issue.

As a byline, her attorney is now a district court judge himself over in another county, having filed for the uncontested seat in the election process!

BTW, is there anywhere online where a person can research to find out if there are active life insurance policies that have been taken out against them and by whom, without having to go through a private investigator?*


----------



## Cynthia

arbitrator said:


> *
> 
> BTW, is there anywhere online where a person can research to find out if there are active life insurance policies that have been taken out against them and by whom, without having to go through a private investigator?*


This may help: Policy Locator | MIB Solutions, Inc. | How to find lost life insurance, Search for lost life insurance, Lost insurance policies


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> This may help: Policy Locator | MIB Solutions, Inc. | How to find lost life insurance, Search for lost life insurance, Lost insurance policies


*Thanks, Cynthia!*


----------



## arbitrator

*[COLOR="DarkSlateBlue] Update: 

My oldest college son and I had dinner the other evening after having worked a long Saturday tournament of spring touch-football games. Hell, he even sprang for the bill!

The conversation drifted to a rather large tournament that is being played in the NW Houston area on June 6th, and I asked him if he was going to be available for it, as it is a golden opportunity for him to earn better than $200 cash for the day. He summarily replied that it didn't appear that he was going to be able to, as he had yet another wedding to attend that afternoon. He had just been in one of his friends a few weeks back, so I asked him if this one was another of his college friends, and if he was going to have to spring for another tux.

He said that this one was going to be casual and that he was only going to be an attendee. Asking him innocently which of his friends was getting married and whose wedding it was, he mildly stammered and said it wasn't one of his friends ~ but that of my rich, skanky XW! Seems like she met a local C&W musician and writer who is a little younger than her, that she's been seeing and semi-cohabiting with for the past year and that he was compelled by her to go, although for a college kid, the money means far more to him! 

I kiddingly told him to tell her to give him the two bills that he would forfeit by missing out on the tournament, and his reply was "Don't think that I haven't thought about it!"

Anyway, it seems that her new beau is also a Methodist and has converted her over to the John Wesley faith from her lifelong Lutheran roots. Now this is the same woman who asked me to convert to being a Lutheran for her, and then summarily kicked my ass for asking her to go to the local Methodist church with me. The church they attend is not even in the hometown, but some small church about 20-25 miles away. What's funny is that the local Methodist church is situated kitty-corner across the street from her palatial Victorian home, and she could literally walk across the street to go to church! But I feel that the primary reason is that the local judge who convicted and sentenced her kids for dope possession also attends that church! To this day, he remains friendly with me, but I don't think that he'd spit in my rich, skanky XW's guts if she were on fire!

Anyway, son relates to me that it will be a rather informal affair and that the reception was going to be held at some new honky-tonk down on the town square and that there would be plenty of drinking and dancing! 

I jokingly told him that I had not yet received my invitation, to which he kind of replied "Duh!" Telling me that I would be about as welcome as a case of syphillis in a cathouse, or a turd in a punchbowl!

He went on to say that a lot of her family was not going to attend and it wasn't going to be the grand, lavish church wedding that we had!

I told him that I was very interested in who the maid of honor was going to be(if it was her best friend from out-of-town) who actively encouraged her infidelity in our wedding, as well as other attendees!

Well, on that date I plan on working my regimen of football games without my son being there! 

And I wish my rich, skanky XW (soon to be some other man's problem) and her new hubby all the best in the world!

And it really makes me wonder just how her "hubby-to-be" really felt, all while having to sign that "prenup" of hers!

"Toast!"*


----------



## Cynthia

Off she goes again. The man has no idea what he is in for.


----------



## arbitrator

CynthiaDe said:


> Off she goes again. The man has no idea what he is in for.


* In all likelihood, just the defining ride of his life!*


----------



## Pluto2

Wow, a C&W performer. Arbitrator, if its not too gauche, can we place bets on how long the marriage lasts? I predict less than a year. 
Here's hoping she becomes so distracted by the new toy, she leaves you and your sons alone.


----------



## happyman64

What a missed opportunity to publish all the info you have on her affairs and give them out to everyone entering the church.

Then again it is no longer your problem and would probably make waves for your boys.

Go kill one of those pigs with Bandit that day and have a BBQ.

Then again maybe one of those floods will come along and carry her away???

She is on one of those insurance policies you had to take out on each other right? :grin2:

HM


----------



## Chuck71

She is with him in hopes of getting a part in the Nashville series.

If you have seen Nashville before, drama and BS... Arb's XW would fit right in


----------



## arbitrator

* Did I even mention that the new hubby's day job is newspaper editor for the "local county rag!"

I'm guessing that you could really interpret that two different ways, couldn't you?

Well, if the shoe fits ...*


----------



## Chuck71

:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## happyman64

Chuck71 said:


> She is with him in hopes of getting a part in the Nashville series.
> 
> If you have seen Nashville before, drama and BS... Arb's XW would fit right in


Will she be the fluffer?


----------



## Chuck71

:rofl:


happyman64 said:


> Will she be the fluffer?


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## arbitrator

* I'm just kind of wondering what the "over and under" is on the crowd that will be attending ~ her mom, brother, sister and their families. And with the post-nuptial dancing and drinking reception being planned for the town square "honky tonk," it greatly makes me wonder just how many of the family's Baptist' faction will actually show up and "boogie down!"

Good thing that I'll have eyes and ears there!

BTW, do any of my trusted TAM brethren think that I ought to send some sort of a tacky "wedding gift?" If so, what might you suggest?*


----------



## vi_bride04

arbitrator said:


> * BTW, do any of my trusted TAM brethren think that I ought to send some sort of a tacky "wedding gift?" If so, what might you suggest?*


That binder of her wrong doings


----------



## Pluto2

antibiotics


----------



## Chuck71

French tickler with coupon to health department?


----------



## arbitrator

vi_bride04 said:


> arbitrator said:
> 
> 
> 
> * BTW, do any of my trusted TAM brethren think that I ought to send some sort of a tacky "wedding gift?" If so, what might you suggest?*
> 
> 
> 
> That binder of her wrong doings
Click to expand...

* If I were to do that, I would also need to include a "take-a-number" machine, in order for all of the guests to have an unfettered, individual chance to look at it!

Then later, she could come to make use of that same "take-a-number" devise whenever her marriage eventually falls apart, and she starts to invite all of her new "Johnnies" up into the boudoir!*


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> French tickler with coupon to health department?


* Chuckie ~ that's flat out nasty ~ but I love it!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Update: June 6, 2015

Today at 2PM, CDT, my rich, skanky XW became the legally married property of another man, and thusly his projected new problem. Both of my sons were in attendance and gave me a detailed description of the day!

The wedding occurred in a rather small United Methodist church in a smaller town within the same county! I do find it rather amazing that my RSXW has finally found it in her heart to join the same denomination as me, all despite the fact that she wouldn't even dream of going to the Methodist Church with me, and made me leave the Methodist church to become a Lutheran. I understand that it's all because of her new hubby!

The crowd was modest with only 60-80 guests. RSXW and her somewhat younger but fatter squeeze chose not to go the bridal gown/tuxedo routine, but decided to get married in their "Sunday-Go-To-Meeting" clothes. There was no maid of honor, no best man, no nothing other than them and the lady pastor and their selected guests! Most of her family did attend despite the fact that this was her third marriage at the ripe old age of 59!

The reception was held at a brand new honky-tonk back in their hometown, where the booze flowed free and C&W dancing was the order of the day.

The crowd started dissipating around 7PM and there was a call for folks to clean up the place from the reception. RSXW's own three kids refused to help in that endeavor as they were too busy getting soused, so my own two son's decided to pitch in and get it done!

More later!*


----------



## arbitrator

* Spent her "Wedding Day" out here on the ranch helping with fence lines and laying cedar posts. The cows all mysteriously showed up out of nowhere, so we got them into the corral with a bag of range cubes and decided to do "summer round-up" which took some 4 very hot afternoon hours! Oldest son, came out to put in a few hours working out here prior to having to get showered and dressed up to go to RSXW's early afternoon wedding! My boss/ranch owner came out to view the festivities and ended up accidentally stumbling over a roll of barbed-wire, getting a number of superficial cuts on his legs.

Glad that my son was here to dress his wounds as it looks like that college medical training of his has now mildly paid off. My boss got looked at at one of the local Redi-Clinics and was found to be OK. The attending physician did however make rather positive comments about my son's bandaging job, which made Ol' Dad feel rather proud!

Yesterday's activities out here was a welcome diversion to the RSXW getting her matrimonial screws into another unsuspecting guy! 

Compared to being in his shoes, I really feel like I have just won the lottery!*


----------



## arbitrator

* Yesterday was another fairly promising day out here at the ranch as my oldest son and I cleaned up some debris from some electrical fencing that the prior tenant had put in. Not a big task at all!

Anyway, about lunch time, we ambled over to the county seat to procure some cow feed and mineral licks at the agricultural coop and who did we see standing at the checkout was none other than my RSXW's brother. I hadn't seen him in better than two years and he sure looked like he had slimmed down some.

We exchanged pleasantries, asked about family and whatnot, but the subject of his cheating sister never entered the forefront, which I didn't expect it to! Told him to pass my love on to the family and we parted with a hearty handshake!

It was a really nice diversion, but was also somewhat painful in how much I really miss being a part of their fine family. The upside is that I am no longer a part of being married to a lying, cheating skank or having to put up with any of her lawless, tatted, dope-head renegade kids as my stepchildren!

Now in my book, that last one is truly a bonus!*


----------



## Chuck71

Every in-laws you marry into has one drunk uncle 

and one resident sociopath 

From your story, I have no clue who the drunk is

but I am quite certain I know who the sociopath is


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> * My boss/ranch owner came out to view the festivities and ended up accidentally stumbling over a roll of barbed-wire, getting a number of superficial cuts on his legs.
> 
> Glad that my son was here to dress his wounds as it looks like that college medical training of his has now mildly paid off. My boss got looked at at one of the local Redi-Clinics and was found to be OK. The attending physician did however make rather positive comments about my son's bandaging job, which made Ol' Dad feel rather proud!
> *


When I was fourteen I was out looking for bulls on my mare. I rode through what I thought was an old removed fence-line. The fencing had actually fallen down off the posts and was buried in a twisted mass right below the soil so it was invisible from a horse. She caught one strand with her hind hoof and jerked it and it looped over her hock and she went apesh!t. Twisting and bucking and twisting. By the time she finally fell over she and I were twisted up in a mile of barbed wire. I was shredded. 

Fortunately I was able to lean over and grab my fencing pliers out of my saddlebag and cut us free. Then I walked her five miles through the desert treading a mingled trail of blood behind us. 

I had to have about twenty stitches to close up three or four gashes on my legs. My mare was worse off. She spent two days at the vets and another six weeks in the corral healing from her wounds. 

That barbed wire ripped up everything. Tetanus shots, stitches, one fvcked up saddle and one pair of good chaps destroyed...

...man I'm glad I'm out of the horse business.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Every in-laws you marry into has one drunk uncle
> 
> and one resident sociopath
> 
> From your story, I have no clue who the drunk is
> 
> but I am quite certain I know who the sociopath is


* Chuck: Methinks that in this revered case, the "drunk" and the "sociopath" are one and the same!  Ces pas?*


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> arbitrator said:
> 
> 
> 
> * My boss/ranch owner came out to view the festivities and ended up accidentally stumbling over a roll of barbed-wire, getting a number of superficial cuts on his legs.
> 
> Glad that my son was here to dress his wounds as it looks like that college medical training of his has now mildly paid off. My boss got looked at at one of the local Redi-Clinics and was found to be OK. The attending physician did however make rather positive comments about my son's bandaging job, which made Ol' Dad feel rather proud!
> *
> 
> 
> 
> When I was fourteen I was out looking for bulls on my mare. I rode through what I thought was an old removed fence-line. The fencing had actually fallen down off the posts and was buried in a twisted mass right below the soil so it was invisible from a horse. She caught one strand with her hind hoof and jerked it and it looped over her hock and she went apesh!t. Twisting and bucking and twisting. By the time she finally fell over she and I were twisted up in a mile of barbed wire. I was shredded.
> 
> Fortunately I was able to lean over and grab my fencing pliers out of my saddlebag and cut us free. Then I walked her five miles through the desert treading a mingled trail of blood behind us.
> 
> I had to have about twenty stitches to close up three or four gashes on my legs. My mare was worse off. She spent two days at the vets and another six weeks in the corral healing from her wounds.
> 
> That barbed wire ripped up everything. Tetanus shots, stitches, one fvcked up saddle and one pair of good chaps destroyed...
> 
> ...man I'm glad I'm out of the horse business.
Click to expand...

* Bandito: The electrodes on this fence was hooked up to regular wire instead of barbed wire basically to give errant cows a light jolt in the snoot if they ever came up too close to the ranch cabin!

Sorry to hear about that episode with your horse. My boss is teaching me all of the intricacies of laying out barbed wire and you have to come to have a profound respect for it!

I feel for you, brother!

BTW, we're getting a little rain this afternoon and the resident porkers appear to be on the move once again!*


----------



## Chuck71

The corporate world can kiss my arse

I'm ready for a horse ranch.... just saying


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> The corporate world can kiss my arse
> 
> I'm ready for a horse ranch.... just saying


* Then bring your tired old bones down here to Central Texas and make that dream of yours come true!*


----------



## mjgh06

@arbitrator

I know it is 2016 and this is an old post. I read through everything here. I don't want to open old wounds and sometimes it is best to let sleeping dogs lie so to speak. But I see a different take on what everyone has portrayed of your xw that I don't think anyone caught. 

Post #1 - "She intoned that she was now greatly concerned about her finances and could no longer afford to pay the tuition of my secondary school child. "

Post #17 was big for me as well - "jumping my case about some money movements I made within my bank account."
AND 
"she and her attorney was going "to give me a more than equitable settlement." 
AND "Told her that I still loved her, but didn't like what she had done. She said that in her heart, she felt like maybe "we really loved each other, but didn't need to be married to each other," 

Reading over the entire post, I agree you xw is ALL about the money. 

I think per post #1 when she became fearful of losing her money, everything changed for her and it had nothing to do with her love for you.

It really sounds to me like she loves you more than any man she could ever love. But her fear of losing money or becoming destitute (less than what she expects) was more powerful. There seems to be a deeply ingrained fear in her of not being able to support herself - fears that may have come during her 1st separation/D or even earlier in life.

I think the entire separation/D was her plan of self-survival. She gave up her love - you - to satisfy the more overpowering need. You had no funds to provide or help her regain that lack of confidence. When you transferred money, her fears again skyrocketed thinking you could transfer it all- she'd have nothing. Her admittance of love for you is undeniable, you just didn't hear it. She said it in Post#17 and her keeping contact with your boys and supporting of them was the only way she could still show you she loved you and them.

Seems to me her self-survival mode kicked in so she could D you, marry someone else that had more of a financial stance so if they got D she would have a backup. She may not even fully realize what she did, but I think she does in some form or she wouldn't have said she really loved you or still have a relationship with your sons. 

All in all I am glad you are out of this relationship and happy you were able to move on. I just wanted you to know the possibility that you were truly loved by this woman as much as she could love anyways. We all have our own internal gut-wrenching fears that we have to fight against. I think she has not be able to overcome hers, and you unfortunately were left with the ashes of the fight.


----------



## arbitrator

mjgh06 said:


> @arbitrator
> 
> I know it is 2016 and this is an old post. I read through everything here. I don't want to open old wounds and sometimes it is best to let sleeping dogs lie so to speak. But I see a different take on what everyone has portrayed of your xw that I don't think anyone caught.
> 
> Post #1 - "She intoned that she was now greatly concerned about her finances and could no longer afford to pay the tuition of my secondary school child. "
> 
> Post #17 was big for me as well - "jumping my case about some money movements I made within my bank account."
> AND
> "she and her attorney was going "to give me a more than equitable settlement."
> AND "Told her that I still loved her, but didn't like what she had done. She said that in her heart, she felt like maybe "we really loved each other, but didn't need to be married to each other,"
> 
> Reading over the entire post, I agree you xw is ALL about the money.
> 
> I think per post #1 when she became fearful of losing her money, everything changed for her and it had nothing to do with her love for you.
> 
> It really sounds to me like she loves you more than any man she could ever love. But her fear of losing money or becoming destitute (less than what she expects) was more powerful. There seems to be a deeply ingrained fear in her of not being able to support herself - fears that may have come during her 1st separation/D or even earlier in life.
> 
> I think the entire separation/D was her plan of self-survival. She gave up her love - you - to satisfy the more overpowering need. You had no funds to provide or help her regain that lack of confidence. When you transferred money, her fears again skyrocketed thinking you could transfer it all- she'd have nothing. Her admittance of love for you is undeniable, you just didn't hear it. She said it in Post#17 and her keeping contact with your boys and supporting of them was the only way she could still show you she loved you and them.
> 
> Seems to me her self-survival mode kicked in so she could D you, marry someone else that had more of a financial stance so if they got D she would have a backup. She may not even fully realize what she did, but I think she does in some form or she wouldn't have said she really loved you or still have a relationship with your sons.
> 
> All in all I am glad you are out of this relationship and happy you were able to move on. I just wanted you to know the possibility that you were truly loved by this woman as much as she could love anyways. We all have our own internal gut-wrenching fears that we have to fight against. I think she has not be able to overcome hers, and you unfortunately were left with the ashes of the fight.


*Perhaps some clarification is in order. We all had separate bank accounts that was tied in to hers as the master or controlling account. She could move money, see transactions, statements, et. al. but those privileges were not reciprocal! To the best of my memory, the transaction in question was to pay $54.00 for country club dues, something she had previously approved.

This is a woman who amassed her wealth from her deceased first husband; and not from her own acumen! Because of an outside investment service and international investments, she is reputedly worth ten figures. She was raised conservatively and comfortably, and easily has accumulated some tenfold wealth more than the rest of her family combined!

Please remember that my pain was never her money or her criminally delinquent kids ~ it was solely her wanton deception and betrayal!

Given the evidence that she also cheated against her wealthy alcoholic first husband, moved the bulk of his wealth over to a personal account of hers, after procuring a POA from him, while he was off in alcoholic rehab in another state!

In my marriage to her, one of the men she chose to covertly sleep with was her first H's best friend from work!

I do appreciate your reading this very lengthy thread and for your well thought out input! And I'm quite receptive to any other thoughts that you may have!

Please rest assured that those wounds have summarily healed and that you have not reopened them in any way!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mjgh06

Thank you for responding. 



arbitrator said:


> ...This is a woman who amassed her wealth from her deceased first husband; and not from her own acumen! Because of an outside investment service and international investments, she is reputedly worth ten figures. She was raised conservatively and comfortably, and easily has accumulated some tenfold wealth more than the rest of her family combined! ...
> 
> Given the evidence that she also cheated against her wealthy alcoholic first husband, moved the bulk of his wealth over to a personal account of hers, after procuring a POA from him, while he was off in alcoholic rehab in another state!
> 
> In my marriage to her, one of the men she chose to covertly sleep with was her first H's best friend from work! ....


These were the statements when I read through your posts that made the pattern of her internal fear over money obvious to me. We read the same, but I see a different view of it. 

I know many women who come from _comfortable_ backgrounds who have the fear that they need a bigger nest egg in case.. and will get it at whatever cost. That is what I got from your ex. Until she addresses the issue of why she has that need, she will always need more and never be able to love anyone as she will always be planning her life around the money. 
1. 1st husband was alcoholic and feared he would die from it so planning began to set herself up - her nest egg.
2. Your marriage something happened where she was losing some of her money - started to plan again to set herself up - her nest egg
3. The next marriage will end the same. The common pattern is the money.

But with you the story was a little different, I read it as a combat within herself - her love for you and her need to keep the nest egg growing. Nest egg won. 

It doesn't matter what class of society we come from, we have inner insecurities that are part of us for whatever reason. My point in this was to show you that she did love you as much as she could ever love. She is just not capable of putting love above her own need. After all this time, does she still have communications with your sons?

But I couldn't be totally off on this - and she was just an evil biotch. I have been known to wear rose-colored glasses.


----------



## arbitrator

*I see your point quite clearly, @mjgh06 ~ and I do honestly believe that she loved me dearly at the onset! 

But I honestly believe that her feelings all changed over my disillusionment with her coddling and defense of her criminal, slovenly, dope head kids, and not wanting them anywhere around mine with their disgusting lifestyle! I was beyond pi$$ed when her youngest son, in a fit of dope-induced rage, pushed her down the staircase, and somewhat beaten up, she threw him out of the house, only to let him back in the very next day! She absolutely forbade me to "come down" on any of them, and like her, to just M willy-nilly endure both their presence and their disrespectful lifestyle in the midst of our marriage!

But your theory does seemingly hold water!

For what it is worth, she has since remarried to a local guy she met while C&W dancing, who is not wealthy but has a history of raising delinquent, dope-head kids of his own!
*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Arb.... sounded so familiar. XWs son was a great kid the first ten years I knew him. Practically raised him.

He started playing some on-line game that never ended (that's not a game, that's an addiction). Tried to get him

to go out with the guys, just "use good judgment," but never did. Still overall... good kid.

Something was not right.... worked 25-30 hours a week but was in his room rest of time.

He did end up hanging out with some guys. LSS.... he turned into one of them... a thug.

Missing from our home were many things... heirlooms, things we intended to pass down. Stolen.

To this day... I don't know if he took them but I do know... he brought those thugs into my house when

XW and I were gone and.... well he is guilty by association. To beat it all... he stood up for those thugs.

The short period when things went missing was when he was hanging with them. XW kicked him out.

It took awhile... but he poor mouthed her. I said if he wants to come home, he and I have to have a "sit down"

She and he both knew.... I was not going to budge unless he realized his mistakes, sought to correct / improve.....

and go to the police about the missing items. Roughly a year later..... XW and I filed for D.

Her son was a major player in this but not the only, nor the main.

He will be 27 later this year. He can't hold a job, is a stoner, has pizzed off everyone on my XWs side.... except XW.

Stolen guns, selling pills, cashed his now deceased father's SS check to pay rent, *sigh*

He was once a promising kid. Hearing about his failures bother me 100x more than my XWs.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Arb.... sounded so familiar. XWs son was a great kid the first ten years I knew him. Practically raised him.
> 
> He started playing some on-line game that never ended (that's not a game, that's an addiction). Tried to get him
> 
> to go out with the guys, just "use good judgment," but never did. Still overall... good kid.
> 
> Something was not right.... worked 25-30 hours a week but was in his room rest of time.
> 
> He did end up hanging out with some guys. LSS.... he turned into one of them... a thug.
> 
> Missing from our home were many things... heirlooms, things we intended to pass down. Stolen.
> 
> To this day... I don't know if he took them but I do know... he brought those thugs into my house when
> 
> XW and I were gone and.... well he is guilty by association. To beat it all... he stood up for those thugs.
> 
> The short period when things went missing was when he was hanging with them. XW kicked him out.
> 
> It took awhile... but he poor mouthed her. I said if he wants to come home, he and I have to have a "sit down"
> 
> She and he both knew.... I was not going to budge unless he realized his mistakes, sought to correct / improve.....
> 
> and go to the police about the missing items. Roughly a year later..... XW and I filed for D.
> 
> Her son was a major player in this but not the only, nor the main.
> 
> He will be 27 later this year. He can't hold a job, is a stoner, has pizzed off everyone on my XWs side.... except XW.
> 
> Stolen guns, selling pills, cashed his now deceased father's SS check to pay rent, *sigh*
> 
> He was once a promising kid. Hearing about his failures bother me 100x more than my XWs.


*Chuck: Just hearing that brought back flashbacks of her worthless kids stealing heirlooms, furniture, jewelry, appliances, hell ~ even liquor, to pawn in supporting their stoner habits! Them sitting up all night, stoning, drinking and having sex, all but did me in! My RSXW's mantra in having them there at home was that she would rather have them there in the house with her so she could monitor those activities, as opposed to being off somewhere else!

The straw that broke the camels back for me was when I walked into her oldest sons upstairs bedroom to retrieve dirty dishes for the kitchen dishwasher, and saw that he had an electric tea kettle hooked up behind a couch and a wall, supposedly cooking meth for private usage! And he was on probation at the time!

With hindsight being 20/20, I actually should have called the Sheriff's Department, but in doing so, would have likely implicated my RSXW as well as myself, as owners and keepers of the home!

Needless to say, I am so damned happy to be out of that no account lifestyle! Brother, I know what you went through!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

arbitrator said:


> *! My RSXW's mantra in having them there at home was that she would rather have them there in the house with her so she could monitor those activities, as opposed to being off somewhere else!
> COLOR]*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Monitor my arse LOL! Enabling 101.

The sad part.... my pop did every drug know to mankind in the 1960s-80s. Yes... the hard stuff.

He warned me about them... and was very blunt. "As long as you stop at booze n weed.... controllable."

He was right. I messed with those two in my teens / early 20s. I hung with a rough crowd. Pop told me to watch

your friends. They had what I thought was the cool life.... dropped out of HS / no college, party,

(we all worked at a burger joint, even the owner was wild), move-in with their g/f, NO parents!!!!

Pop said, "Right now you think they have it made. Ten years from now, they'll be right at that same damn job,

they'll have a few kids, and be the most miserable damn people you will ever meet. Learn from their mistakes."

As usual.... pop was right. I missed out on the wild parties... I had to study for college classes.

Of all the crowd I mentioned.... one pulled himself out of the mess. The rest.... just as pop said.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Monitor my arse LOL! Enabling 101.
> 
> The sad part.... my pop did every drug know to mankind in the 1960s-80s. Yes... the hard stuff.
> 
> He warned me about them... and was very blunt. "As long as you stop at booze n weed.... controllable."
> 
> He was right. I messed with those two in my teens / early 20s. I hung with a rough crowd. Pop told me to watch
> 
> your friends. They had what I thought was the cool life.... dropped out of HS / no college, party,
> 
> (we all worked at a burger joint, even the owner was wild), move-in with their g/f, NO parents!!!!
> 
> Pop said, "Right now you think they have it made. Ten years from now, they'll be right at that same damn job,
> 
> they'll have a few kids, and be the most miserable damn people you will ever meet. Learn from their mistakes."
> 
> As usual.... pop was right. I missed out on the wild parties... I had to study for college classes.
> 
> Of all the crowd I mentioned.... one pulled himself out of the mess. The rest.... just as pop said.


*Sheer pearls of wisdom, Brother!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

* @mjgh06 ~ my friend, something occurred to me in that my RSXW was most adamant about the signing of the prenup prior to the marital vows going forth.

Do you feel, in any way, that her consumption with this prenup should have become a "red flag" in my eyes to steer clear of a married relationship with her, as the prenuptial's injection was largely made as a safeguard against me claiming any of her profits, either foreign or domestic, within the community property confines of a state like Texas? The hurtful thing was that she was allowed, with some restricted limitation, to go after my meager assets, but I, in no way whatsoever, could go after hers!

I know that it's all water under the bridge now, but was just wondering!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## honcho

arbitrator said:


> * @mjgh06 ~ my friend, something occurred to me in that my RSXW was most adamant about the signing of the prenup prior to the marital vows going forth.
> 
> Do you feel, in any way, that her consumption with this prenup should have become a "red flag" in my eyes to steer clear of a married relationship with her, as the prenuptial's injection was largely made as a safeguard against me claiming any of her profits, either foreign or domestic, within the community property confines of a state like Texas? The hurtful thing was that she was allowed, with some restricted limitation, to go after my meager assets, but I, in no way whatsoever, could go after hers!
> 
> I know that it's all water under the bridge now, but was just wondering!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't fault her for the prenup. Is it a red flag, yes and no. Lets face it, it's awkward preparing for a potential demise of a marriage when your planning a future together at the same time but in today's day and age I think it a necessary evil. 

I would never get married again without one not that I have any empire to divide but after living the world of "amicable divorce" I'll never go thru that fiasco again. My caddy has 200k miles on it, my lawyer has a nice fancy new one. I'd sure rather have a new one than having paId for his. 

To me your ex loved her money and the perceived power it gave her more than anything. I don't think her fear of losing money drove her as much as her power trip of having it wielded in her head. 

My brothers stepkids are all useless and his wife has coddled them forever. Everytime he tried to disipline or get them to straighten out there lives all her heard was "there not your kids, stay out of it" even though my brother raised them from infants. Well they did it her way, the oldest boy just celebrated his 4th birthday behind bars and has a few more of go. The state gave him a snickers bar for his birthday, that's living the high life!


----------



## Chuck71

Money was only the syringe.... the heroin was the effect. Arb's RSXW may love a Lamborghini but

her true "hit" is the others showering her with praise for having one.

Money really does not change people.... the way other people treat you after you have money.... does.

Win the lottery and see how many "long lost friends" pop up. Or have a "deal you can't refuse."

Money can not solve issues but it sure as crap can blanket them a long while.

There is a local guy near me.... worth around $100mil. He is a workaholic.... his W drinks wine all day,

pops pills after dinner. The kids have no values, in and out of rehabs, the oldest two work in dad's

company. 40 hour week.... LOL... they may show up for 12-14 hours. No one says a word....

Dad doesn't want to hear it, he's heard it for years and mom swears they will eventually grow up. They're 26 and 28.

Adding to what Honcho stated... on my DDay.... my XW called me out for disciplining stepson over the years.

Really! Ser-ious-ly? When he acted out, I called him on it, when he disrespected his mother, I called him.

"Ya know.... I clothed him, roof'd him, made sure he was fed, had school supplies, medical ins..... and you want to

convey to me..... I am out of line disciplining him? GFY..... I'd do it exactly the same if I had a do-over.

You've been listening to your toxic friends. Dumbarse shallow byotch."

XW was VERY sensitive to name calling..... with anyone, even her family. This time.... she didn't say a word.

She knew it to be true.


----------



## ReturntoZero

Chuck71 said:


> XW was VERY sensitive to name calling..... with anyone, even her family. This time.... she didn't say a word.
> 
> She knew it to be true.


----------



## Chuck71

ReturntoZero said:


>


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


Classic............ One laughs deserves another. Was maybe 2002... 1st love's aunt was at the duplex.

She worked with WC and MiL years back. They were women gossiping. I came in, overheard WC saying she didn't

like me putting on a few pounds recently. Walked in... didn't even look at her....

"Since you are in a griping mood today honey.... allow me to chime in. You gonna do anything about those dents

in your arse?" WC hit the roof. "WTF do you mean dents in my arse?"

"There's parts of your butt that look like moon craters." I smiled and went back outside.

I bet she stewed a day or two on that.


----------



## FaithinVisionsRealized

It can be difficult going through a separation/ divorce. It is admirable that you wanted to work toward reconciliation in your marriage and from the sounds of it your wife does not want to work with you at this time on the differences. You are going though the appropriate steps in finding a counselor, involving yourself in church, and maintaining positive relations. In regard to your in laws and extended family, there is nothing wrong with maintaining a relationship with them as long as there are boundaries and they are able to stay neutral toward both parties. I would recommend contacting them and letting them know that you would like to continue a relationship with them and setting boundaries about not wanting to involve them in the midst of the divorce proceedings. Though going through a divorce, it can in some cases intensify the sadness and anguish going through the process. After contacting them once I would advise leaving it up to them for further contact in the future. Hope this helps and blessings through the process


----------



## Blondilocks

arbitrator, just curious as to how your wife's finances went from 7 figures in 2012 to 10 figures in 2016? A millionaire is a far cry from a billionaire.

Also, if RSXW hadn't offered to pay for your children's college expenses, how would they have been paid?


----------



## MJJEAN

arbitrator said:


> * @mjgh06 ~ my friend, something occurred to me in that my RSXW was most adamant about the signing of the prenup prior to the marital vows going forth.
> 
> Do you feel, in any way, that her consumption with this prenup should have become a "red flag" in my eyes to steer clear of a married relationship with her, as the prenuptial's injection was largely made as a safeguard against me claiming any of her profits, either foreign or domestic, within the community property confines of a state like Texas? The hurtful thing was that she was allowed, with some restricted limitation, to go after my meager assets, but I, in no way whatsoever, could go after hers!
> 
> I know that it's all water under the bridge now, but was just wondering!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know you didn't ask me, but...

Prenups have always been an issue I can't really form a solid opinion on.

On the one hand, when asking a partner for a prenup, you're pretty much saying you are having doubts the marriage will last until death do you part. 

And, as a Catholic, a prenup pretty much automatically invalidates a marriage unless it is entered into solely to protect the inheritance of the children of a previous marriage.

So, that part of me says that a prenup is a red flag unless it is solely used to protect the inheritance of the children and no other assets.

On the other hand, especially in a community property state, I can't say that I don't understand why someone might want a prenup, just in case.


----------



## arbitrator

Blondilocks said:


> arbitrator, just curious as to how your wife's finances went from 7 figures in 2012 to 10 figures in 2016? A millionaire is a far cry from a billionaire.
> 
> Also, if RSXW hadn't offered to pay for your children's college expenses, how would they have been paid?


*My educated guess is her lucrative overseas investments, as she does seem to have some pretty savvy international financial advisors over in her corner.

Regarding the kids college expenses, I paid for the youngest expenses up until the time that he procured academic scholarships. My oldest has refused any help, at least from me, choosing to take out federal student loans, but he did take some "occasionally offerred help" from the skank! 

What I do not fully know is what the amount or the financial terms of that "help" from her is! He refuses to discuss it and I choose not to press him for it!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

FaithinVisionsRealized said:


> It can be difficult going through a separation/ divorce. It is admirable that you wanted to work toward reconciliation in your marriage and from the sounds of it your wife does not want to work with you at this time on the differences. You are going though the appropriate steps in finding a counselor, involving yourself in church, and maintaining positive relations. In regard to your in laws and extended family, there is nothing wrong with maintaining a relationship with them as long as there are boundaries and they are able to stay neutral toward both parties. I would recommend contacting them and letting them know that you would like to continue a relationship with them and setting boundaries about not wanting to involve them in the midst of the divorce proceedings. Though going through a divorce, it can in some cases intensify the sadness and anguish going through the process. After contacting them once I would advise leaving it up to them for further contact in the future. Hope this helps and blessings through the process


*Contact was "inadvertently" made from a a business standpoint with her professional younger brother by asking him to pass my love on the the extended family, despite the fact that one of my RSXW's nephews acted like he smelled "a turd in punch bowl" when I bumped into him on an earlier occasion! I related this both to my pastor and my PC and was told not to unduly worry about it, as it was rather evident that some self-serving mistruths were dispensed about me to help preserve both my RSXW's reputation and social standing within the family hierarchy!

What does occasionally chagrin me is what lies and misrepresentations she has told them in my absence, all to justify her hasty and flippant removal of me from her life and why she didn't exactly let a whole lot of water run underneath the bridge before hooking up with Hubby No. 3!

What really is of interest to me is whether her new hubby was placed into the awkward position of also having to sign a prenup with her!

Much like myself, I don't think that he is very "well-heeled!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> *Contact was "inadvertently" made from a a business standpoint with her professional younger brother by asking him to pass my love on the the extended family, despite the fact that one of my RSXW's nephews acted like he smelled "a turd in punch bowl" when I bumped into him on an earlier occasion!
> 
> What does occasionally chagrin me is what lies and misrepresentations she has told them in my absence, all to justify her hasty and flippant removal of me from her life and why she didn't exactly let a whole lot of water run underneath the bridge before hooking up with Hubby No. 3!
> 
> What really is of interest to me is whether her new hubby was placed into the awkward position of also having to sign a prenup with her!
> 
> Much like myself, I don't think that he is very "well-heeled!"*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I'm sorry to say this Arb, but you really have no room for changrin. You had an opportunity to share all the documentation you had amassed of the details of ,her affair with the family and you chose not to...after your pastor advised you to turn the other cheek.

Nothing wrong with that I guess, but just as actions have consequences, so do inactions. You made your decision.

You lost your chance at clearing your good name, so you need to move on and forget about ever having any kind of friendly relations with her family. That "proverbial" ship has sailed.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> I'm sorry to say this Arb, but you really have no room for changrin. You had an opportunity to share all the documentation you had amassed of the details of ,her affair with the family and you chose not to...after your pastor advised you to turn the other cheek.
> 
> Nothing wrong with that I guess, but just as actions have consequences, so do inactions. You made your decision.
> 
> You lost your chance at clearing your good name, so you need to move on and forget about ever having any kind of friendly relations with her family. That "proverbial" ship has sailed.


*I totally agree, Bandito! 

But I'm greatly thinking that as the cards have been made left to lay upon the table, it will all now be left between her and God!

But somehow I don't really think that any of her lies and willful misrepresentations that she told to family and friends will ever come to work out as well with Him!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I used to have faith that truth will always find a way to expose itself. But the longer I live the more I come to realize this is often not the case. Often the bones in a person's closet do not tumble out onto floor until long after they are dead, or no one is around to care. Your XWW may very well live a long and contented life built on lies and greed.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> I used to have faith that truth will always find a way to expose itself. But the longer I live the more I come to realize this is often not the case. Often the bones in a person's closet do not tumble out onto floor until long after they are dead, or no one is around to care. * Your XWW may very well live a long and contented life built on lies and greed.*


*Totally!

But IMHO, it's her "hereafter" that she should be somewhat concerned about!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pluto2

arbitrator said:


> *Totally!
> 
> But IMHO, it's her "hereafter" that she should be somewhat concerned about!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


would'a, could'a, should'a Arb.

If she were the type of person who worried about her immortal soul (if that really exists-no disrespect intended) do you think she would have behaved the way she did.


----------



## arbitrator

Pluto2 said:


> would'a, could'a, should'a Arb.
> 
> If she were the type of person who worried about her immortal soul (if that really exists-no disrespect intended) do you think she would have behaved the way she did.


*For a woman who represented that she had supposedly been brought up and was so firmly entrenched within a major denomination of the Christian faith, and was so very defensive of that denomination!

It is not the actual adultery that she committed that really bothers me; it is the covert lechery of deceit that she so brazenly employed both while in the act of seeking it out and later becoming an active, more-than-willing participant!

It really makes me wonder if she ever got around to telling her new hubby about her prior extracurricular sexual exploits!

Now if she didn't, wouldn't that be considered as "deceit by omission?"

Not that she wouldn't exactly give a damn anyway!

*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

I am not impressed by any woman who boasts of her Christianity and dedication to churchgoing. Some of the worst cheating women I ever knew were also pillars of the religious community where I grew up. 

We had one lady at my church growing up who was the head of the White Cross ladies group, had been a popular Sunday school teacher and youth group helper, and yet it came out that she had been carrying on an affair with one of the church deacons for several years. She and her husband left the church after the scandal, but the church family did nothing to hold her and the deacon accountable. The deacon was never removed from his position. 

The deacon was a douche who I always disliked. But I really liked this lady a lot. It made me sick to think that I admired that woman and held her up as a role model. I was disgusted, even at age 17 when I found out the truth about it, and that laid the foundation for a pile of reasons why I left organized religion. 

I had a good friend who had a very sanctimonious mom. She acted like a Puritan. She would not even allow television in the home. She was a shrew and treated my friend's dad like crap. When my buddy was about fourteen his mom suddenly left the family and divorced his dad. My friend never told me why they divorced. Just a couple years ago I found out from my friend's sister that the reason their mom left was that she actually ran off with someone. That fine, upstanding Christian woman was a fraud. But again, the truth of what happened was sat on and covered up in the name of saving face for the church. 

And it's not just Christian women... the men are worse. So please don't think I'm singling out women.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> I am not impressed by any woman who boasts of her Christianity and dedication to churchgoing. Some of the worst cheating women I ever knew were also pillars of the religious community where I grew up.
> 
> We had one lady at my church growing up who was the head of the White Cross ladies group, had been a popular Sunday school teacher and youth group helper, and yet it came out that she had been carrying on an affair with one of the church deacons for several years. She and her husband left the church after the scandal, but the church family did nothing to hold her and the deacon accountable. The deacon was never removed from his position.
> 
> The deacon was a douche who I always disliked. But I really liked this lady a lot. It made me sick to think that I admired that woman and held her up as a role model. I was disgusted, even at age 17 when I found out the truth about it, and that laid the foundation for a pile of reasons why I left organized religion.
> 
> I had a good friend who had a very sanctimonious mom. She acted like a Puritan. She would not even allow television in the home. She was a shrew and treated my friend's dad like crap. When my buddy was about fourteen his mom suddenly left the family and divorced his dad. My friend never told me why they divorced. Just a couple years ago I found out from my friend's sister that the reason their mom left was that she actually ran off with someone. That fine, upstanding Christian woman was a fraud. But again, the truth of what happened was sat on and covered up in the name of saving face for the church.
> 
> And it's not just Christian women... the men are worse. So please don't think I'm singling out women.


*The Church is full of sinners, hopefully saved by grace! That's its purpose! But being saved does not spare us from having to later explain our numerous transgressions, more especially those knowingly made against each other!

And whereas mine are probably just too numerous to mention, at least two of them won't be infidelity or the wanton deceit thereof!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> *The Church is full of sinners, hopefully saved by grace! That's its purpose! But being saved does not spare us from having to later explain our numerous transgressions, more especially those knowingly made against each other!
> 
> And whereas mine are probably just too numerous to mention, at least two of them won't be infidelity or the wanton deceit thereof!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The Bible commands believers to go before the brethren and openly confess their sins. You know well Arb, that the earliest Christian church was essentially a communistic body. 

I have no issue with a person coming before the brethren and confessing "I cheated on my wife" or "I got drunk and hit my wife last weekend"....and ad-nauseum. I totally will forgive that person and do what I can to help them. Problem is the Church has fallen so far, has become so beauracracized, and has strayed so far for the original mandate that it has hamstrung itself. When a church body actively chooses to sit on the truth and allow sin to fester, it is a crime against truth and against God, because at its core is disobedience.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> The Bible commands believers to go before the brethren and openly confess their sins. You know well Arb, that the earliest Christian church was essentially a communistic body.
> 
> I have no issue with a person coming before the brethren and confessing "I cheated on my wife" or "I got drunk and hit my wife last weekend"....and ad-nauseum. I totally will forgive that person and do what I can to help them. Problem is the Church has fallen so far, has become so beauracracized, and has strayed so far for the original mandate that it has hamstrung itself. When a church body actively chooses to sit on the truth and allow sin to fester, it is a crime against truth and against God, because at its core is disobedience.


*And they too, in time, will be held accountable before God for that collective transgression!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Blondilocks

"Totally!

But IMHO, it's her "hereafter" that she should be somewhat concerned about!"

She is. That's the purpose of the prenups - she intends to buy her way into heaven.

But, damn, too bad the rsxw can't share a tip or two on her foreign investments. I would even refrain from calling her RSXW.


----------



## Robbity

arbitrator said:


> *I totally agree, Bandito!
> 
> But I'm greatly thinking that as the cards have been made left to lay upon the table, it will all now be left between her and God!
> 
> But somehow I don't really think that any of her lies and willful misrepresentations that she told to family and friends will ever come to work out as well with Him!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Arb, I have spent the last few hours reading your entire thread - you are an intelligent man and deserve better than the treatment she has dished out to you.

She will burn in hell I'm sure!

Onwards and upwards for you. Good luck. :smile2:


----------



## arbitrator

Robbity said:


> Arb, I have spent the last few hours reading your entire thread - you are an intelligent man and deserve better than the treatment she has dished out to you.
> 
> She will burn in hell I'm sure!
> 
> Onwards and upwards for you. Good luck. :smile2:


* @Robbity ~ Thanks!

But the mere fact of the matter is that rather than see her burn in hell, I'd much rather see her stand in the well and confess her infidelic misgivings to God, to me, and to all of her loved ones and friends as well as to all of the folks that she saw fit to unconsciably lie to about it!

Somehow, the prospects of a slow burn in hell might just seem to be the easier option for her, much rather than for the public embarrassment and humility of having to endure the confessing of her self-serving rationale for her resultant sinful acts and desires!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## honcho

arbitrator said:


> * @Robbity ~ Thanks!
> 
> But the mere fact of the matter is that rather than see her burn in hell, I'd much rather see her stand in the well and confess her infidelic misgivings to God, to me, and to all of her loved ones and friends as well as to all of the folks that she saw fit to unconsciably lie to about it!
> 
> Somehow, the prospects of a slow burn in hell might just seem to be the easier option for her, much rather than for the public embarrassment and humility of having to endure the confessing of her self-serving rationale for her resultant sinful acts and desires!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She will go to the grave with her secrets figuring she can cut "a deal" with the devil.


----------



## arbitrator

honcho said:


> She will go to the grave with her secrets figuring she can cut "a deal" with the devil.


*Hopefully, it will be with God! Keeping in mind that "a deal" with Him won't really be all that easy!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Redactus

arbitrator said:


> * @Robbity ~ Thanks!
> 
> But the mere fact of the matter is that rather than see her burn in hell, I'd much rather see her stand in the well and confess her infidelic misgivings to God, to me, and to all of her loved ones and friends as well as to all of the folks that she saw fit to unconsciably lie to about it!
> 
> Somehow, the prospects of a slow burn in hell might just seem to be the easier option for her, much rather than for the public embarrassment and humility of having to endure the confessing of her self-serving rationale for her resultant sinful acts and desires!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi Arb, just read your thread and I've got to say, I am very impressed by your stalwart perseverance to honor sir! 

This post reminded me of the subject of hell that a local DJ was discussing this week. He stated that his version of hell was entering the nether world and encountering the biggest full HD screen ever seen. As soon as you arrive, your entire life, including all hidden deviant acts, would be broadcast in real time (it is hell for all eternity after all) for all the residents to view. Your ex deserves such a revelation.


----------



## arbitrator

Redactus said:


> Hi Arb, just read your thread and I've got to say, I am very impressed by your stalwart perseverance to honor sir!
> 
> This post reminded me of the subject of hell that a local DJ was discussing this week. He stated that his version of hell was entering the nether world and encountering the biggest full HD screen ever seen. As soon as you arrive, your entire life, including all hidden deviant acts, would be broadcast in real time (it is hell for all eternity after all) for all the residents to view. Your ex deserves such a revelation.


*That is indeed,"Hellish!" But there is a way to escape that fate and that is to freely. confess to all of our earthly wrongdoings to our Heavenly Father!

The unique thing is that "the manufacturer" of that eternal hellish HD screen to which you refer offers redemption! I truly believe that even when even entering heaven, we are compelled to confess our earthly ~ free will ~ sins to the Father and to the ones that any of our willful lies may have affected, one way or another! But if "human" pride, denial, or shame prohibits one from making that confession, then they'll get the unfettered opportunity to relive their sordid earthly humanistic life for all of the unheavenly occupants to view and to scoff for all of eternity in a very unheavenly environment!

The key in avoiding that unsavory fate is to accept God solely on his terms and not on ours! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

bandit.45 said:


> I am not impressed by any woman who boasts of her Christianity and dedication to churchgoing. Some of the worst cheating women I ever knew were also pillars of the religious community where I grew up.
> 
> We had one lady at my church growing up who was the head of the White Cross ladies group, had been a popular Sunday school teacher and youth group helper, and yet it came out that she had been carrying on an affair with one of the church deacons for several years. She and her husband left the church after the scandal, but the church family did nothing to hold her and the deacon accountable. The deacon was never removed from his position.
> 
> The deacon was a douche who I always disliked. But I really liked this lady a lot. It made me sick to think that I admired that woman and held her up as a role model. I was disgusted, even at age 17 when I found out the truth about it, and that laid the foundation for a pile of reasons why I left organized religion.
> 
> I had a good friend who had a very sanctimonious mom. She acted like a Puritan. She would not even allow television in the home. She was a shrew and treated my friend's dad like crap. When my buddy was about fourteen his mom suddenly left the family and divorced his dad. My friend never told me why they divorced. Just a couple years ago I found out from my friend's sister that the reason their mom left was that she actually ran off with someone. That fine, upstanding Christian woman was a fraud. But again, the truth of what happened was sat on and covered up in the name of saving face for the church.
> 
> And it's not just Christian women... the men are worse. So please don't think I'm singling out women.


The only time I recall pop attending church was when I was about 12. Religion was one of the subjects he was always straight up with me about. Pop felt he was called and he followed. He stopped going a few months later. I was too young to ask why, plus I doubt he would have went into detail being I was young.

Years later, I did ask him. He told me it dawned on him that some of the biggest crooks in town, the men who were his age (early 40s then), most had mistresses or were "keeping up" a 21 y / o secretary, and some of the "easiest POA" in town were the "church ladies." He stated the bookies and pool sharks he knew had more ethics than most of the people in the congregation.... so he stopped going.

Roughly thirty years later.... the things he said still hold true, if not more today. I'm pretty specific about my belief in God...... and my disdain for "organized religion." Sadly I view the two as polar opposites


----------



## Rubix Cubed

@ arbitrator,
I'll start withe the obligatory " I just marathon read your thread" and must say you are a patient saint. You have suffered tremendously at the hands of others and still chosen the high road. Kudos to you and your spirit. I wish you the best in your future endeavors on this mortal coil.

p.s. Did you guys ever have the big hog shoot?


----------



## bandit.45

Arb if your ex WW actually did have a "Road to Damascus" revelation and felt the weight of her sin crashing down on her, and came to you contritely and with repentance, would you forgive her? I know that Arb the Christian would, because he is commanded by the Bible to do so. But could Arb the man forgive her?


----------



## Chuck71

One can not love without trust.... one can try but it is a road to destruction


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Arb if your ex WW actually did have a "Road to Damascus" revelation and felt the weight of her sin crashing down on her, and came to you contritely and with repentance, would you forgive her? I know that Arb the Christian would, because he is commanded by the Bible to do so. But could Arb the man forgive her?


*The Road to Damascus or the Road to Emmaus is inconsequential inasfar as my RSXW is concerned! I have forgiven my first W years ago for her shagging her corporate VP boss in getting a huge raise! (I take it that his "raise" was a tad different from hers!) 

Whereas she never confessed to specifics, she did however confess to general facts stating that "she did things wrong" and sought my forgiveness! I accepted her apology, telling her that the real people that she needed to apologize to were our two college aged sons that she had mentally abused in their formative years, all outside of my presence! I also qualified that apology by saying that while I did offer forgiveness, I chose to always remember what it was that she did to our family, greatly to promote her personal quest for power and salary! 

Now if I got myself into being totally "DT-shaking" horny, would I tap on her door for relief? Not a snowballs chance in hell!

If RSXW came to the same type of profuse or even a flippant apology, I would forgive her without reservation or secret evasion of mind! But know this: I would choose to always remember exactly what it was that she chose to subject me to, not to ever let myself become as naïve as I once was! 

"Touching her" is strictly a thing of the past, and much like W#1, she had better get used to closeness from someone else ~ I wouldn't tap either with a borrowed schlong! I'd probably have far too much respect for where that poor old unsuspecting schlong came from!

In a nutshell, while Ol' Arb can definitely find it in his heart to forgive, unlike God, he cannot seem to forget!

And while that, very well, may be my fallibility as a mortal man, it is truly God's infinite strength!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

Blondilocks said:


> "Totally!
> 
> But IMHO, it's her "hereafter" that she should be somewhat concerned about!"
> 
> *She is. That's the purpose of the prenups - she intends to buy her way into heaven.*
> 
> But, damn, too bad the rsxw can't share a tip or two on her foreign investments. I would even refrain from calling her RSXW.


*I never even stopped to consider that, taking into exception that it was not totally uncommon for her to make four and five figure gifts to the church, more especially during any capital building projects that they had going on!

But then again, it was undoubtedly the tax write-offs from making such contributions that she was actually seeking out, probably because she needed them so much more, than the church needed her money!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

*My youngest son will stroll across the Aggieland stage this coming Saturday to receive his BA in English/Journalism, with a 3.8/4.0 GPA! And his old Dad absolutely couldn't be prouder!

Plans are to attend the rather large ceremony on campus with my best friend and to celebrate afterwards with the graduate at a late lunch that I am planning on footing the bill for!

But, I also expect my RSXW, an alumni of the same institution, and her enterouge to be in attendance, although I don't really expect to see them in the thousands of people there!

My main concern is that they'll show up at the same restaurant that I've reserved and attempt to "crash the party!" I'm sure that my son may have told her where it is that we're going as it is not totally out of the question that she may want in on the festivities!

I would look about as forward to seeing her again about as much as a bifercated terminal case of the clap!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pluto2

arbitrator said:


> *My youngest son will stroll across the Aggieland stage this coming Saturday to receive his BA in English/Journalism, with a 3.8/4.0 GPA! And his old Dad absolutely couldn't be prouder!
> 
> Plans are to attend the rather large ceremony on campus with my best friend and to celebrate afterwards with the graduate at a late lunch that I am planning on footing the bill for!
> 
> But, I also expect my RSXW, an alumni of the same institution, and her enterouge to be in attendance, although I don't really expect to see them in the thousands of people there!
> 
> My main concern is that they'll show up at the same restaurant that I've reserved and attempt to "crash the party!" I'm sure that my son may have told her where it is that we're going as it is not totally out of the question that she may want in on the festivities!
> 
> I would look about as forward to seeing her again about as much as a bifercated terminal case of the clap!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Much congratulations on this milestone, for you and your son!

If she shows up, she shows up. I know you will be gracious either way. (But please arrange for some antibiotics all the same)


----------



## Chuck71

Congratulations to both of you! Journalism is a dying art (which needs serious reviving).

Just be equipped with a cross and if she comes near you.... hold it up towards her.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Congratulations to both of you! Journalism is a dying art (which needs serious reviving).
> 
> Just be equipped with a cross and if she comes near you.... hold it up towards her.


*She'd probably melt the cross!

Truth be told, I just feel totally unclean to be anywhere remotely around that woman!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

arbitrator said:


> *She'd probably melt the cross!
> 
> Truth be told, I just feel totally unclean to be anywhere remotely around that woman!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMFG....... :rofl: Had a Linda Blair flashback.

Chances are others will be attending with you. Just have one as a look out.

Heaven knows she is the type to cause a scene.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> OMFG....... :rofl: Had a Linda Blair flashback.
> 
> Chances are others will be attending with you. Just have one as a look out.
> 
> Heaven knows she is the type to cause a scene.


*She's rich! She's loud! She's outgoing, gregarious, and doesn't exactly give a crap!

You do the math!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mr The Other

arbitrator said:


> *She's rich! She's loud! She's outgoing, gregarious, and doesn't exactly give a crap!
> 
> You do the math!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just saw this thread for the first time. Sweet Lord, you have learnt a lot in the last few years!


----------



## Chuck71

Mr The Other said:


> Just saw this thread for the first time. Sweet Lord, you have learnt a lot in the last few years!


If I had $1 for every great thread I either missed entirely or had to come in near the end....

I would own a 15,000sq ft. Spanish villa off the coast of Naples, FL.


----------



## Chuck71

Arb .... how's Texus holdin up dees dayz?


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Arb .... how's Texus holdin up dees dayz?


*Thanks for asking, kind sir! She's still hanging, Chuck! Everything is going just about as well as it can!

I really don't come over to this thread of mine much anymore unless I absolutely haven't gotten anything better to do!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

*Good news: My eldest son walked the stage at his college graduation at UT/Tyler yesterday receiving his long-awaited BA in Kinesiology/Nursing.

Bad news: RSXW and her relatively new H also made the trip up here to see him walk the stage. I was rather fearful that I might cross paths with them, being that this learning institution is significantly smaller than the Texas A&M community!

My youngest son, the Texas Aggie grad elected to ride up here with me rather than to endure the trip up here with them as he's living over there with her in that huge mansion of hers  gratis, at her insistence, all while he's pondering his future about grad school and the post-bachelor degree-work world.

My Christian principles tell me that I shouldn't feel jaded at her, more especially after the the span of time about running into someone who makes me my blood boil and like someone who blindsidedly sucker-punched me squarely in the solar plexus! I guess that I'm more concerned about making some smarta$$ reply to her if she hurled one of her "crap grenades" first. There are few people that I ever relegate to the "not wanting to ever see or talk to again" untrustworthy-category, but she, along with Satan, is definitely one of them!

God does answer prayers however! The graduation ceremony was rather large enough that there was no "path crossing," although I was totally prepared for it, and the father/sons threesome of us all went to dinner together to fastidiously celebrate his accomplishment alone in peace! Unbeknownst to me, RSXW and her H had taken him to a swanky pre-graduation luncheon and had told him that they were immediately heading on back to their hotel at the graduation ceremonies conclusion!

I know that I probably shouldn't still feel that way about my deceptive RSXW as I've internally forgiven her for her prior transgressions against me and other folks, but I sure as hell would prefer to contract an incurable case of the Andelusion clap rather than to ever want to see a filthy hair on her skanky a$$ again!

So is it, in any way, natural to continue to harbor such a festering resentment of her over such a long period of time? 

Was just wondering!*


----------



## Chuck71

It's hard to let go of the bitterness / pain of a LT marriage.... add the fact you have children with her. Even though you are D, you

and the RSXW will forever be linked. Graduations, holidays, family gatherings..... all you can do is attempt to not run into her.

I'm guessing she wants to flaunt her what... 3rd H? I just met my XW for the first time in nearly four years. Nothing had changed...

when I looked at her, I saw through her. Just like I did when I stepped into the light in 2013.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> It's hard to let go of the bitterness / pain of a LT marriage.... add the fact you have children with her. Even though you are D, you
> 
> and the RSXW will forever be linked. Graduations, holidays, family gatherings..... all you can do is attempt to not run into her.
> 
> I'm guessing she wants to flaunt her what... 3rd H? I just met my XW for the first time in nearly four years. Nothing had changed...
> 
> when I looked at her, I saw through her. Just like I did when I stepped into the light in 2013.


*I'm not really concerned about RSXW's new squeeze as he's a short, little fart who appears to be about as wide as he is in height!

In my estimation, she traded down ~ but then again, that's now her problem!*


----------



## bandit.45

She'll fleece him too. And then the next guy, and the next guy, until she crosses the wrong guy and ends up stuffed in a sack and buried under a culvert.


----------



## SunCMars

bandit.45 said:


> She'll fleece him too. And then the next guy, and the next guy, until she crosses the wrong guy and ends up stuffed in a sack and buried under a culvert.




These guys walk among us. And live "in" some of us.

I feel the Dark Side stirring. 

You? ;-{


----------



## arbitrator

SunCMars said:


> These guys walk among us. And live "in" some of us.
> 
> *I feel the Dark Side stirring.*
> 
> You? ;-{


*No "Dark Side" here! 

Let's just say that she can live her "new life" however it is that she may see fit, as long as there is extremely minimal overlapping over into mine! 

Because my presence into hers should always be minimal, if any at all, and should never knowingly overlap over into hers!

I just don't ever want to be unwittingly subjected anymore to either her or her thuggish kids presence into my now rather peaceful life!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Thursday I believe it was, I had to go into a farm supply store in my former hometown, to retrieve some quotes on an electric fence that we're putting up out here at the ranch!

As I was exiting the establishment, a woman with light shaded sunglasses was entering and glancingly looked at me like she was smelling an obstentacious turd! I thought that it might be my uppity ex-sister-in-law, the younger sister of my RSXW!

Found out just a little later that the probability factor of it being her was pretty damned good as one of my sons had told me that she was in town to help work out on their family ranch!

I sure do miss that passed golden opportunity that I couldn't have used some well-versed greetings line about her lecherous sister as a saluatory greeting, but things like that occur so spontaneously that you rarely ever have the time or the quick wit to ever think about it!*


----------



## bandit.45

Nah you wouldn't have done it even if you had the chance. You're too much of a Texan gentleman. High road is your preferred travel route. 

You had the chance to send out that care package to her family a couple years back and you chose not to. You gave up your chance to reveal the truth to her family. Let it go and move on. Ignore them. The wealthy will always look down their noses at us proletariat.


----------



## Chuck71

Don't Texun gentlemen ranchers always carey a hankerchuf? Do the right thing, hand it to the xSiL.

When she asks why...... "That thar's fer ya nose.... you gots that nose so hi's up 'n th air, 

rekun'd you'd git a nose bleed." It works.... done it few times meself


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Don't Texun gentlemen ranchers always carey a hankerchuf? Do the right thing, hand it to the xSiL.
> 
> When she asks why...... "That thar's fer ya nose.... you gots that nose so hi's up 'n th air,
> 
> rekun'd you'd git a nose bleed." It works.... done it few times meself


*Don't exactly carry a hanky or a bandana out here, but if I had one, I probably would have offered it to her, imploring her: 

"Dawlin'! Please be sure to wrap your nose with this thing, more especially whenever you are anywhere around your sister; so as not to breath in any of those pesky microscopic gonorrheaic microbes!"*


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Nah you wouldn't have done it even if you had the chance. You're too much of a Texan gentleman. High road is your preferred travel route.
> 
> You had the chance to send out that care package to her family a couple years back and you chose not to. You gave up your chance to reveal the truth to her family. Let it go and move on. Ignore them. The wealthy will always look down their noses at us proletariat.


*It just came to me Bandito, that earlier in this thread, when you among others, were advising me to shake the dust off of the rattling skeletons in my RSXW's closet, right before her entire clan; you also very wisely pointed out to me that no matter how dirty and grimy that the information was, that her clan would either disbelieve me in favor of "their beloved's" lies and stories, or would actually believe my version, but stick right alongside her lies and wealth, because preeminently, "blood is much thicker than water!"

I honestly do believe that that is the case, at least in this instance!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Haven't actively been over here to my personal blog since the end of March!

As I was sitting relaxing here, looking out the window of the workers quarters watching the sun slowly ascend in the east, bringing forth another scorcher, it just dawned on me that, without looking it up, I can't seem to remember the names of either of the louts ~ friends of my RSXW, who she cheated with, not that I really want to!

I only blame them so far as she was the one who "incorporated" them in to her adulterous fray, their only fault being that there was "a free and available piece of a$$" there simply for the taking, and they both had to have known that she was married to me! I still can somewhat visualize their faces, but at the same time, I somehow cannot really remember their names!

But digressing, just the sheer inability to instantly remember their names tells me that to a certain degree, I'm getting over that sordid episode of my life. And that made me smile a little bit!

Oh, I still have that damning evidence notebook hidden away in the cabin, full of evidence, timelines, records and photos; haven't looked at it for years, not that I really want to! 

But I would hope that that fact would support that I'm beginning to forget who they were, and even now marginally care about what happened to me, but at the same time, can never fail to remember that it happened to me rather blindsidedly!

If I'm truly getting over it, then I truly give to glory to God and to all of my dear friends here at TAM, who so lovingly and thoughtfully steered me in the right direction, the glory!

That's what makes this morning seem so very special!

And for that, I love you all!*


----------



## Chuck71

In a world so dependent on instant gratification, measurements, bank account status, manufactured "highs,"

and self image through social media........ the two superpowers of change.... is time.... and silence.

The mountains are behind you Arb.... almost ready to merge with the landscape.

Walk tall, stand proud, kick up your heels (just don't throw out a hip 8>))


----------



## Andy1001

arbitrator said:


> *Haven't actively been over here to my personal blog since the end of March!
> 
> As I was sitting relaxing here, looking out the window of the workers quarters watching the sun slowly ascend in the east, bringing forth another scorcher, it just dawned on me that, without looking it up, I can't seem to remember the names of either of the louts ~ friends of my RSXW, who she cheated with, not that I really want to!
> 
> I only blame them so far as she was the one who "incorporated" them in to her adulterous fray, their only fault being that there was "a free and available piece of a$$" there simply for the taking, and they both had to have known that she was married to me! I still can somewhat visualize their faces, but at the same time, I somehow cannot really remember their names!
> 
> But digressing, just the sheer inability to instantly remember their names tells me that to a certain degree, I'm getting over that sordid episode of my life. And that made me smile a little bit!
> 
> Oh, I still have that damning evidence notebook hidden away in the cabin, full of evidence, timelines, records and photos; haven't looked at it for years, not that I really want to!
> 
> But I would hope that that fact would support that I'm beginning to forget who they were, and even now marginally care about what happened to me, but at the same time, can never fail to remember that it happened to me rather blindsidedly!
> 
> If I'm truly getting over it, then I truly give to glory to God and to all of my dear friends here at TAM, who so lovingly and thoughtfully steered me in the right direction, the glory!
> 
> That's what makes this morning seem so very special!
> 
> And for that, I love you all!*


Arb keep the faith,stand tall,walk proud and above all.
Don't let the bastards grind you down.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> In a world so dependent on instant gratification, measurements, bank account status, manufactured "highs,"
> 
> and self image through social media........ the two superpowers of change.... is time.... and silence.
> 
> The mountains are behind you Arb.... almost ready to merge with the landscape.
> 
> *Walk tall, stand proud, kick up your heels (just don't throw out a hip 8>))*


*Damn well can't afford to do that with Football season kicking off in mid-August!*


----------



## honcho

arbitrator said:


> *Damn well can't afford to do that with Football season kicking off in mid-August!*


You doing the referee thing again this year? How's the dog doing?


----------



## arbitrator

honcho said:


> You doing the referee thing again this year? How's the dog doing?


*Yeah, Honch! This will make my 39th year at doing this mess!

But I do love it! In fact, we will receive our 2017 varsity officiating schedule this Tuesday as I'll be down in the Houston area then getting it at an all day long coaches draft!

Now insofar as how Ol' "Mathias" is doing, well why don't you tell me?










*


----------



## Chuck71

arbitrator said:


> *Yeah, Honch! This will make my 39th year at doing this mess!
> 
> But I do love it! In fact, we will receive our 2017 varsity officiating schedule this Tuesday as I'll be down in the Houston area then getting it at an all day long coaches draft!
> 
> Now insofar as how Ol' "Mathias" is doing, well why don't you tell me?
> 
> View attachment 54130
> 
> *


I'll take a doggy over diamonds anyday.... unless I'm eyeing a pawn shop. 

Whose the boss? LOL don't answer Arb.... already know *smiles*


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> I'll take a doggy over diamonds anyday.... unless I'm eyeing a pawn shop.
> 
> Whose the boss? LOL don't answer Arb.... already know *smiles*


*Chuck: I'm telling you! He's a literal slavedriver out in the pasture!









*


----------



## Chuck71

Had me a dog growing up. A black Lab. Pop named him Bandit, being his dad was Smokey. He was around from 3rd grade until roughly my college graduation. He's been gone over 20 years and I miss him to this day. Bandit had chipped teeth since I thought it was awesome to bounce golf balls on pavement and watch him catch them in mid-air. He was the master at "playing" asleep and when you turn your head, the sandwich is gone. He was 15 and arthritis had got him, not to mention a tumor that would eventually grow and cut off his windpipe. Pop and I decided it was time when he started spitting up blood. 

The last night... I bounced tennis balls to him, he tried to grab them best he could. That was his love. Also made three PB n J sandwiches which.... yes he ate when "I was turned away." Will never be another like him. Yet I was lucky enough to get a pound puppy back in 2002. I took some high functioning mentally challenged adults to the pound as they wanted to maybe adopt one. One dog fixated on me and wouldn't let go. The date on the cage was Saturday. I jumped up that Saturday morning and was going to adopt it, if still there. XW / W at the time wanted to go too (I still think she thought I had a gal on the side and just wanted to...... *eyeroll*). The dog was gone. But was there because the owners were on vacation. Whew..... So I talk guy stuff with guy at the pound and XW already has one outside.

LSS.... -You're off the hook for Valentine's if we get him- Have to admit.... glad she talked me into getting him. 2002-15. Ty was a stoner dog, didn't care about anything but eating, running the neighborhood, and rolling in fresh cut lawn grass. He wondered off one day... never came back. Last time I saw him, he was eating dog food on the front porch. Ty loved tuna.... wish I'd had known.... would have gotten him a huge Starkist can.

And........ Boner. He was a 2007 stray who wondered into the garage. XW fed him, named him Bones since he was about starved to death. One thing I will say about the XW, if we have food to spare, she will feed a stray. Problem was.... she wanted to keep every one of them too. Gave Boner and two other dogs away after the divorce. Guy I gave him to, did not know where I lived. Three days pass.... well Boner traveled 17 miles back home. Yeah... had to keep him after that. Still have him, he's even got a wife now. White stray who after hanging around the house / neighborhood for a year, has decided to have squatter's rights in the yard. Ahhhh.... Boner needs a friend. They actually bark at each other, she goes to the neighbor's field afterwards, he comes to my front porch. Next day... they're back to laying in the yard side by side. Boner's fixed so no kids..... thank goodness.


----------



## arbitrator

*Chuck: That literally brought tears to my eyes, Sir! Good tears, if I might add!

Tells me to love and appreciate him every single minute of every single day!

Plan on getting him neutered at months end and with that, have them place one of those scanner chips in him!

You cannot tell me that God didn't have a plan in place when that "big yellow puppy" wandered up on Jeff and me that March afternoon on that distant fenceline. He's displaced a lot of the loneliness out here when it's time for everybody to go off to their little corner of the world! 

Mathias has a home of his own now and if I have anything to say about, always will, as long as I keep on breathing this country air!

When I was a young boy back in Lake Charles, our old LSU country vet there, Dr. Arnold, always had a saying about dogs: 

"Dog" spelled backward is "God!"*


----------



## Andy1001

We had a yellow lab when I was a kid and I swear she was half human.When she was about a year old she tore her dew claw almost completely off and she had to be brought to the vet to have it completely removed.For the rest of her life if you asked her to show you her sore paw she would immediately start limping and get such a sorrowful look on her face you would swear she was in agony.Then once she got a treat she would be fine again.She was two years older than me and she lived until she was fourteen,a tumour in her bladder appeared really quickly and she was too old to operate and she couldn't urinate so she had to be put to sleep.
I still miss her and there are a few seeing eye dogs that carry her name working in the US.


----------



## Don't Panic

arbitrator said:


> *
> 
> Now insofar as how Ol' "Mathias" is doing, well why don't you tell me?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *


*Ol' "Mathias" just gets more handsome and dignified with every photo Arb. You and that special dog deserve one another, you both make the world a better a place, thanks for sharing!*


----------



## arbitrator

Andy1001 said:


> We had a yellow lab when I was a kid and I swear she was half human.When she was about a year old she tore her dew claw almost completely off and she had to be brought to the vet to have it completely removed.For the rest of her life if you asked her to show you her sore paw she would immediately start limping and get such a sorrowful look on her face you would swear she was in agony.Then once she got a treat she would be fine again.She was two years older than me and she lived until she was fourteen,a tumour in her bladder appeared really quickly and she was too old to operate and she couldn't urinate so she had to be put to sleep.
> I still miss her and there are a few seeing eye dogs that carry her name working in the US.


*Great story, Andy! Sometimes, I think that they are on a level somewhere between man and God!

I swear that this thing was sent to me purely as nothing more than a loving gift from our Heavenly Father! 

And for that, I'm eternally grateful!

Got back home from church and brought him in from the 100F+ heat, both sitting here watching golf!

I swear, I really think that he pays attention to the TV, more especially if there's a sporting event on!*


----------



## Chuck71

Arb...... having your dog watch golf is borderline animal cruelty *grins*

Catch baseball, Kershaw's pitching today.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Arb...... having your dog watch golf is borderline animal cruelty *grins*
> 
> Catch baseball, Kershaw's pitching today.


*Actually, Mathias looks like he wants to chase the golf ball! Now he might be of assistance whenever I take him out to the country club, to go retrieve my hooks, shanks, and slices!

Regarding baseball, he's joining his master in awaiting The Astro's Keuchel's return off of the DL!

Tell you what, if the 'Stro's can hook up with the Dodgers in the Series, a match between Keuchel and Kershaw would literally be a pitching matchup made in heaven!*


----------



## Chuck71

Kershaw, like Maddux in the beginning, had terrible outings in the playoffs. But if you had to ask me to

list the Top 5 pitchers that I have "watched," Kershaw, Maddux, Martinez (Pedro), Johnson 

(Randy), and Gooden. But the measure I use is Koufax's five year stretch, 1962-66.

Pop used to talk about how dominant he was. Pop's fav pitcher was Warren Spahn. I started 

collecting his cards for that reason. I recall selling the 1959 he bought for me as a kid, and he was

not pizzed but.... disappointed. I bought that card back right before he passed. "Smart move

moron." I have most of Spahn's best cards, 1949 Leaf and 1952 Topps. Still need a few Bowmans.

May post a pic of Bandit here sometime if you're okay with that.


----------



## arbitrator

*Saw Koufax pitch a 2-hitter at the Astrodome in 1966 vs. the Astro's Bob Bruce, SRO. He beat us 3-1 with the only run being unearned! Saw Drysdale pitch and lose the next afternoon to Claude Raymond!

Those were the days of pitching!
*


----------



## Chuck71

How's life thar 'n Texus .... you ranch'r dude?


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> How's life thar 'n Texus .... you ranch'r dude?


*May be coming to a halt very soon! Conjecture is that the owners family is now considering turning the ranch residence/accoutrements into a bed and breakfast/resort/meeting center, with a professional being brought in for that express purpose! I could still work, but would have to live elsewhere and commute. I'd much rather be living here at the Ranch!

Will keep y'all timely informed when that happens!*


----------



## Chuck71

arbitrator said:


> *May be coming to a halt very soon! Conjecture is that the owners family is now considering turning the ranch residence/accoutrements into a bed and breakfast/resort/meeting center, with a professional being brought in for that express purpose! I could still work, but would have to live elsewhere and commute. I'd much rather be living here at the Ranch!
> 
> Will keep y'all timely informed when that happens!*


Who art thy owners?


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> Who art thy owners?


*The ones who originally hired me!

But sometimes, good things usually have to come to an end!*


----------



## Chaparral

Just curious, who did your wife and sons vote for for president?&#55358;&#56595;


----------



## arbitrator

Chaparral said:


> Just curious, who did your wife and sons vote for for president?��


*Sorry for not seeing your question sooner, Chap! I rarely come over here unless prompted to!

On who they voted for, as far as Pres goes, I can only reasonably speculate:

RSXW- Trump all the way! Well-heeled and GOP all the way! Her line of thinking is that the Democratic Party should be irrevocably abolished!

Older Son- Hillary, no question!

Younger Son- Largely tied at hip to his supportive stepmom, and both being graduates/alumnus from the big, local conservative state university ~ Trump!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Mathias and I are now living off site of the Ranch, being only about 5 minutes away. 

Now residing in a 1BR trailer with an office set up that seems to fit us both just fine!*


----------



## personofinterest

Dang!

Yep, that's pretty much all I can say.

Except, good on you for pretty much everything.

This philosophy has entered most of the world. It goes like this:

I only have to behave well if others do. If others behave badly, it absolves me of needing to have character.

It's a seductive kind of philosophy that appeals to our base need for a "gotcha!"

You resisted that philosophy. Which makes you stronger and better as a man than any of the greatest "gotcha" plans ever conceived.

I am very impressed with your authentic character.


----------



## arbitrator

personofinterest said:


> Dang!
> 
> Yep, that's pretty much all I can say.
> 
> Except, good on you for pretty much everything.
> 
> This philosophy has entered most of the world. It goes like this:
> 
> I only have to behave well if others do. If others behave badly, it absolves me of needing to have character.
> 
> It's a seductive kind of philosophy that appeals to our base need for a "gotcha!"
> 
> You resisted that philosophy. Which makes you stronger and better as a man than any of the greatest "gotcha" plans ever conceived.
> 
> I am very impressed with your authentic character.


*Sorry that you had to read through that most lengthy diatribe of mine!

But I do appreciate it all the same! May God bless!*


----------



## bandit.45

So politics aside, does that skank ex ever call you or talk to you anymore?


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> So politics aside, does that skank ex ever call you or talk to you anymore?


*Hell no, Bandito!

And I wouldn't have it any other way!*


----------



## Chuck71

arbitrator said:


> *Hell no, Bandito!
> 
> And I wouldn't have it any other way!*


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


*Let my RSXW go break somebody else's heart for a change!

I don't need that crap anymore!
*


----------



## Chuck71

arbitrator said:


> *Let my RSXW go break somebody else's heart for a change!
> 
> I don't need that crap anymore!
> *


How's your owner *cough* Mathias, the pup, doing? Sons doing well?

We all know your RSXW is a parasite going host to host..... so her updates ain't 'aneeded.


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> How's your owner *cough* Mathias, the pup, doing? Sons doing well?
> 
> We all know your RSXW is a parasite going host to host..... so her updates ain't 'aneeded.


*My owner, Mathias, is doing great! 1 year old weighing 83 lbs, well on his way to the vet's projected estimate of 130 by age 3!

The boys are both fine, Chuck! Oldest son is busy reffing college spring football, while the youngest is busy doing church work and is going on the Walk to Emmaus this weekend!*


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> *Let my RSXW go break somebody else's heart for a change!
> 
> I don't need that crap anymore!
> *


Oh she's going to do more than that. If her pattern continues she will set the next guy up for a proper fleecing, like the one she gave you. 

She's a vampire.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> *Oh she's going to do more than that. If her pattern continues she will set the next guy up for a proper fleecing, like the one she gave you.
> 
> She's a vampire.*


*My youngest has his Walk to Emmaus this weekend in a nearby church encampment! He graduates late Sunday and I'd like to be there, but I'm all too fearful that RSXW and new hubby might be in attendance and I'd rather have a swollen hemorrhoid extracted through my oral cavity rather than to have to either lay eyes upon her skanky a$$ or to hear her "know-it-all a$$" running off at the mouth for all to hear and nauseate over

And while she and her new hubby ain't members of this organization, but are technically Methodists, they can certainly attend this last gathering! *


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> *My youngest has his Walk to Emmaus this weekend in a nearby church encampment! He graduates late Sunday and I'd like to be there, but I'm all too fearful that RSXW and new hubby might be in attendance and I'd rather have a swollen hemorrhoid extracted through my oral cavity rather than to have to either lay eyes upon her skanky a$$ or to hear her "know-it-all a$$" running off at the mouth for all to hear and nauseate over
> 
> And while she and her new hubby ain't members of this organization, but are technically Methodists, they can certainly attend this last gathering! *


Become a Baptist and you won't have to worry about it anymore.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> *Become a Baptist and you won't have to worry about it anymore.*


*Oh, Bandito! That won't exclude one! There are all religious persuasions in this group ~ United Methodists, Baptists, Catholics, Lutherans, Brethren's, Church of Christers, Pentecostals, Presbyterians, et.al.

And they're all just super people bonded together in their limitless love for Christ!

Anytime you want to make that Walk, you let me know! I'd be all too honored to sponsor you!*


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> *Oh, Bandito! That won't exclude one! There are all religious persuasions in this group ~ United Methodists, Baptists, Catholics, Lutherans, Brethren's, Church of Christers, Pentecostals, et.al.
> 
> And they're all just super people bonded together in their limitless love for Christ!
> 
> Anytime you want to make that Walk, you let me know! I'd be all too honored to sponsor you!*


Well, at least with the Baptists the skanks are a little easier to identify out of the crowd.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> *Well, at least with the Baptists the skanks are a little easier to identify out of the crowd.*


*Says who?*


----------



## bandit.45

Methodist women are better kept. It's hard to tell the bad eggs from the good ones. 

In a Baptist congregation you can tell the trailer park hos from the rest. They stand out...usually because all their kids look nothing like each other. "Yep...she's a ho... steer clear all you single guys."


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Methodist women are better kept. It's hard to tell the bad eggs from the good ones.
> 
> In a Baptist congregation you can tell the trailer park hos from the rest. They stand out...usually because all their kids look nothing like each other. "Yep...she's a ho... steer clear all you single guys."


*Dating a fairly committed Methodist gal(started out as a Baptist, though)from the Austin area now and she's pretty good. She's an ex-RN and a current academic Nursing Professor. She's only a month younger than me! 

Now what it is that she sees in me, I'll never begin to know! But I love her presence because she's got a loving personality, is well-educated, worldly, has two grown kids, and doesn't seem to act afraid of sex(although we haven't quite gone there yet!)

Regarding the Baptists, it pretty much depends upon what church they belong to and their educational level. But as a rule, Baptist and Methodist gals are a little bit more so laid back than some of those others that walk around with a holier than thou attitude and a corn cob up their backside! Some of them are so stuck up that one would only want to get them in the sack to shake the mattress and to let them know exactly how bad they were!

*


----------



## Chuck71

bandit.45 said:


> Methodist women are better kept. It's hard to tell the bad eggs from the good ones.
> 
> In a Baptist congregation you can tell the trailer park hos from the rest. They stand out...usually because all their kids look nothing like each other. "Yep...she's a ho... steer clear all you single guys."


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: I have to say.... you are correct. That is what pop told me

years ago. Methodist, at least in my area, do appear to be family-centered. I strongly considered that

faith in my early 20s. But I too... know of a few "pole dancers" who were from this faith. And each were

shockers..... -Her? NOT her.... NO way.- Yes way.... actually, every way, if you catch my drift.

Lil story..... grew up with a really nice girl, she had a younger cousin. She's about 23 now.

She had a really hellish home life, was definite abuse, she was 16.... met a guy, not a "great" guy...

She got preggo, he eventually bolted. She is in public housing now. Since then.... two more kids.

I was asked to speak to her, being my background in psychology. She told me she had to get

out of her parent's house, one way or another. She latched on to the first guy who looked twice at her.

Became preggy on purpose. "Why?" Because I had two chances.... I was getting out of the house either way.

I hoped he would be a great guy but, he wasn't. But I have a place now, away from my parents.

.............. I can see a 16 / 17 y/o girl thinking that way. The sad part though.... she was seduced into

the system. Have more kids, get more $, what guy who has goals and aspirations in their 20s wants

a 18 y/o girl, with a kid, no dad around at all, living in public housing? She bounces guy to guy.

She may end up with 8 kids.... and if half are girls, there is a great chance they will repeat those patterns.

She will realize this one day.... many many years and pregnancies too late.


----------



## personofinterest

Baptist women fall into one of three categories:

I'm Baptist because most of my country club is Baptist (the "fuhst" baptist church in the town square)

I'm Baptist but I'm not going crazy with all the Jesus and holiness stuff (the 70's style baptist building that still has copies of "The Way" in the lobby)

I'm baptist and you're stepping on my long denim skirt! (the independent baptist church where none of the kids go to school)

JUST KIDDING (I'm Baptist)


----------



## arbitrator

personofinterest said:


> Baptist women fall into one of three categories:
> 
> I'm Baptist because most of my country club is Baptist (the "fuhst" baptist church in the town square)
> 
> I'm Baptist but I'm not going crazy with all the Jesus and holiness stuff (the 70's style baptist building that still has copies of "The Way" in the lobby)
> 
> I'm baptist and you're stepping on my long denim skirt! (the independent baptist church where none of the kids go to school)
> 
> JUST KIDDING (I'm Baptist)


*I owe a lot to the Southern Baptists!

After all, as a lifelong Methodist college kid, I learned what true salvation was there, and was baptized there!

Twice baptized in life ~ sprinkled as a Methodist infant, then later dunked as a born-again college-aged believer in a small town Texas Southern Baptist Church!*


----------



## personofinterest

arbitrator said:


> *I owe a lot to the Southern Baptists!
> 
> After all, as a lifelong Methodist college kid, I learned what true salvation was there, and was baptized there!
> 
> Twice baptized in life ~ sprinkled as a Methodist infant, then later dunked as a born-again college-aged believer in a small town Texas Southern Baptist Church!*


I like to pick on my denomination, but I have tried others and I just seem to keep coming back. I just wear sunglasses and a wig when I buy wine....because Jesus actually made Welch's, you know....


----------



## Chuck71

personofinterest said:


> Baptist women fall into one of three categories:
> 
> I'm Baptist because most of my country club is Baptist (the "fuhst" baptist church in the town square)
> 
> I'm Baptist but I'm not going crazy with all the Jesus and holiness stuff (the 70's style baptist building that still has copies of "The Way" in the lobby)
> 
> I'm baptist and you're stepping on my long denim skirt! (the independent baptist church where none of the kids go to school)
> 
> JUST KIDDING (I'm Baptist)


Hilarious!!! I hope you stick around this site awhile.....


----------



## bandit.45

arbitrator said:


> *Dating a fairly committed Methodist gal(started out as a Baptist, though)from the Austin area now and she's pretty good. She's an ex-RN and a current academic Nursing Professor. She's only a month younger than me!
> 
> Now what it is that she sees in me, I'll never begin to know! But I love her presence because she's got a loving personality, is well-educated, worldly, has two grown kids, and doesn't seem to act afraid of sex(although we haven't quite gone there yet!)
> 
> Regarding the Baptists, it pretty much depends upon what church they belong to and their educational level. But as a rule, Baptist and Methodist gals are a little bit more so laid back than some of those others that walk around with a holier than thou attitude and a corn cob up their backside! Some of them are so stuck up that one would only want to get them in the sack to shake the mattress and to let them know exactly how bad they were!
> 
> *


Yeah. 

But Mormon girls are the best in bed.


----------



## Chuck71

bandit.45 said:


> Yeah.
> 
> But Mormon girls are the best in bed.


After sex..... you can smoke a ham!


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> Oh she's going to do more than that. If her pattern continues she will set the next guy up for a proper fleecing, like the one she gave you.
> 
> She's a vampire.


*Bandito: Congratulations on being my official 16,000th "Like!"

Many kind regards, Arb!*


----------



## bandit.45

Chuck71 said:


> After sex..... you can smoke a ham!


I knew a good little LDS girl in high school who could suck a smoked ham through 20 feet of garden hose.


----------



## arbitrator

bandit.45 said:


> *I knew a good little LDS girl in high school who could suck a smoked ham through 20 feet of garden hose.*


*In my high school, it was the principals daughter who had a reputation for doing certain members of the football team!

Reckon that she didn't really care that much about us placekickers!*


----------



## TeddieG

personofinterest said:


> Baptist women fall into one of three categories:
> 
> I'm Baptist because most of my country club is Baptist (the "fuhst" baptist church in the town square)
> 
> I'm Baptist but I'm not going crazy with all the Jesus and holiness stuff (the 70's style baptist building that still has copies of "The Way" in the lobby)
> 
> I'm baptist and you're stepping on my long denim skirt! (the independent baptist church where none of the kids go to school)
> 
> JUST KIDDING (I'm Baptist)


I was raised Baptist and you nailed it. There's just one group missing, the deacons who smoke after church and go to the liquor store two towns over on Saturday night.


----------



## TeddieG

bandit.45 said:


> I knew a good little LDS girl in high school who could suck a smoked ham through 20 feet of garden hose.



Damn, bandit, I hope I meet you in real life some day. You have world-class sense of humor.


----------



## TeddieG

So I found this thread late, like today. I sort of knew about Arbi's RSXW, but now I have the full story. Wow. 

I needed to do some work on myself today, to get some perspective. I had to face that even though ex popped up recently, our relationship is over and there's no going back. I thought I had crossed that bridge after the divorce, but it is so easy to have emotions stirred, just through simple contact. Arbi, thanks for an enduring story of strength, stability, survival, and forgiveness, and the power of the passage of time. I lived in various places in Texas for a long long time and miss it. Think I'm going to have to make a road trip to go see a friend in Wichita Falls this summer, a friend who was like a mother to me; she's not getting any younger and life is short, and we can sit in the 100 degrees on her back porch, drink iced tea, and watch the dust stir in the breeze. And she can regale me with stories about the Church of Christ. She's one of those quintessential Texas women with the proper hair, skirt at the appropriate length, and from a self-made family that eked a living out of the dirt in Antelope. She stopped going to church when one of the women there teased her about her fastidiousness and asked her if she polished her garden hose.

Thanks for stirring up the good memories and helping me let go of the bad ones.


----------



## arbitrator

TeddieG said:


> So I found this thread late, like today. I sort of knew about Arbi's RSXW, but now I have the full story. Wow.
> 
> I needed to do some work on myself today, to get some perspective. I had to face that even though ex popped up recently, our relationship is over and there's no going back. I thought I had crossed that bridge after the divorce, but it is so easy to have emotions stirred, just through simple contact. Arbi, thanks for an enduring story of strength, stability, survival, and forgiveness, and the power of the passage of time. I lived in various places in Texas for a long long time and miss it. Think I'm going to have to make a road trip to go see a friend in Wichita Falls this summer, a friend who was like a mother to me; she's not getting any younger and life is short, and we can sit in the 100 degrees on her back porch, drink iced tea, and watch the dust stir in the breeze. And she can regale me with stories about the Church of Christ. She's one of those quintessential Texas women with the proper hair, skirt at the appropriate length, and from a self-made family that eked a living out of the dirt in Antelope. She stopped going to church when one of the women there teased her about her fastidiousness and asked her if she polished her garden hose.
> 
> Thanks for stirring up the good memories and helping me let go of the bad ones.


*Thanks for reading, @TeddieG *


----------



## NJ2

I also did not know your story Arbitrator!

It truly is one of courage and faith- it was an honour to read (lol -most of it).


----------



## arbitrator

**(Duplicate Post)*


----------



## arbitrator

arbitrator said:


> * By sheer comparison, Dostoevsky certainly must have written shorter pieces, that's for sure!
> 
> Thanks for reading, @NJ2*


----------



## arbitrator

TeddieG said:


> *I was raised Baptist and you nailed it. There's just one group missing, the deacons who smoke after church and go to the liquor store two towns over on Saturday night.*


*All while we Methodists, as well as our Presbyterian counterparts, choose to go to the local liquor store instead; as do the Catholics, Episcopalians and Lutherans ~ except that they vociferously brag about it and are on a first name basis with the liquor store clerk!*


----------



## arbitrator

*Well, tonight my youngest walks the stage at Rice University for his Masters Degree in Legal Letters.(Paralegal) With some leads from friends, he's hoping to eventually catch on in an oil company legal department as either a paralegal or a petroleum landman.

I had committed earlier to drive down to Houston for it, but seem to have acquired a mild sore throat from this recent inclement weather, which I don't really want to pass along to him or anybody else. So I called him this morning and told him that I felt somewhat guilty in that I didn't really feel up to making the trip. His older brother can't make it either because of his work commitments today up in Austin.

He said that it was OK, but that his stepmom(my RSXW) was going to make it. So while I might thank her for being there in person for him, I sure as hell wouldn't want to be sitting anywhere in close proximity to her, as the seating for this ceremony is strictly assigned to the grads by tickets only in a small auditorium with a reception following in an adjoining assembly hall!

Absolutely proud of the boys lofty achievements in getting this degree as well as his bachelors at Texas A&M. I'd love to be there, but I pray, and feel, that he'll be OK!

*


----------



## 2&out

Sorry if this is out of place but... unless your bedridden gobble some extra vitamins and go. This is about/for him. I think you'll be sorry you didn't go. "It's Ok" = disappointed in this case. I can't imagine letting one of my kids stepmom taking my place at something as significant as this.

And congrats ! Way to go Arbkid !


----------



## arbitrator

2&out said:


> Sorry if this is out of place but... unless your bedridden gobble some extra vitamins and go. This is about/for him. I think you'll be sorry you didn't go. "It's Ok" = disappointed in this case. I can't imagine letting one of my kids stepmom taking my place at something as significant as this.
> 
> And congrats ! Way to go Arbkid !


*Thanks! God knows that I'll be even happier when he gets that firm job offer!*


----------



## bandit.45

I think you should gird your loins and go my friend. I agree with 2&out. This is a huge achievement for him and he needs his real parent there.


----------



## manfromlamancha

I agree with bandit and 2&out - you should go (he'll survive a sore throat). He will end up thinking that your ex was there for him and not you (even if he doesnt say it).

And congrats too!


----------



## EleGirl

I agree too... take some Dayquil and go. This only happens once in a lifetime!

Be a proud dad!


----------



## sunsetmist

So, it is too late for me to say go, so how about having some kind of festive party for him and maybe some friends and family? Maybe at a restaurant? With a super grand gift too. See I'm spending your money and I don't know how much to spend. 

I will go back and read your thread. Does not showing up allow your RSXW to think she is out-parenting you? Gee your strept or virus could have reached her and you could have contaminated her without intent, but with malice. Hope you feel better soon.


----------



## Chuck71

Arb.....I recommend you go as well. Maybe get a steroid shot from your Dr. Reason I stress going....

I was set to graduate UT-Chattanooga back in early May 1996. Pop was sick with terminal cancer.

He died in the last few days of March. He wanted to see me graduate a lot. When we walked from

the closed off hallway into the auditorium, I glanced upward to the crowd.

There was pop....standing at the end of the seats, maybe 10 rows up. He was wearing his weekend

houseboat attire. He smiled at me and waved. To me...he didn't miss it. Was super thankful "he was there."

So I'm a bit biased.... and suggest you attend.


----------



## Tron

Chuck71 said:


> Arb.....I recommend you go as well. Maybe get a steroid shot from your Dr. Reason I stress going....
> 
> I was set to graduate UT-Chattanooga back in early May 1996. Pop was sick with terminal cancer.
> 
> He died in the last few days of March. He wanted to see me graduate a lot. When we walked from
> 
> the closed off hallway into the auditorium, I glanced upward to the crowd.
> 
> There was pop....standing at the end of the seats, maybe 10 rows up. He was wearing his weekend
> 
> houseboat attire. He smiled at me and waved. To me...he didn't miss it. Was super thankful "he was there."
> 
> So I'm a bit biased.... and suggest you attend.


I don't know what else could show you what this means to your son any better.

Suck it up Arb and go for your son. And ignore the ***** sitting next to you.


----------



## sunsetmist

Hmmmm. Dreamed I went with Arb to son's graduation last night. Awkward part was us not knowing each other or our names. However, he said he was feeling better. On the other hand, I tossed and turned and ached all night--rain is a'comin'.


----------



## Personal

I hope you went Arb and I hope it went well, congrats to your son as well.


----------



## Andy1001

Congratulations to you and your son Arb.


----------



## arbitrator

sunsetmist said:


> *Hmmmm. Dreamed I went with Arb to son's graduation last night. Awkward part was us not knowing each other or our names. However, he said he was feeling better. On the other hand, I tossed and turned and ached all night--rain is a'comin'.*


*Thanks, @sunsetmist ~ you're an awfully sweet lady ~ In this end of the world, attending anything in my RSXW's presence is kind of referred to as participating in a "nightmarish exercise of monumental proportions!"

Unfortunately, I did not go, but thank God, I'm feeling a little better now, and am back at work.

In time, I'm planning to make it up to him with a private dinner with him and his older brother and hopefully a nice gift for his benefit!

I love the young man beyond measure, but because of the malady of my sinuses and incessant coughing, it would have undoubtedly been a miserable evening for all present and would have given Mike a chance to better celebrate and to revel with his graduating cohorts!

Even when I called to tell him about my sinuses/cold, he even agreed that if I wasn't up to it, that I should try to stay away, at least for my own health, and that we'd try to do something together on a later date!

And yes, guys! I do feel guilty! If Mike, and even God perchance, are harboring resentment against me for staying away, I do pray that they'll come to offer this old man a scintilla of forgiveness!*


----------



## arbitrator

Andy1001 said:


> Congratulations to you and your son Arb.


*Thanks, Andy!

I do appreciate it!*


----------



## arbitrator

sunsetmist said:


> *So, it is too late for me to say go, so how about having some kind of festive party for him and maybe some friends and family? Maybe at a restaurant? With a super grand gift too. See I'm spending your money and I don't know how much to spend.
> 
> I will go back and read your thread. Does not showing up allow your RSXW to think she is out-parenting you? Gee your strept or virus could have reached her and you could have contaminated her without intent, but with malice. Hope you feel better soon.*


*Thanks, @sunsetmist ~ your points are well taken! Nothing would please me more than passing on something nasty to my RSXW. But I'd feel much sorrier for the germs!

My RSXW has always had a penchant for micromanaging my boys lives, usually with the added benefit of throwing money at them!

My boys have been upstanding young men who aspired to get their college degrees and to do graduate study! My RSXW's own kids have aspired to be nothing other than uneducated dopers in life!

My boys, in essence, gives her something to be proud of, because I just can't quite see how that she, sure as Hell, could be proud of the underachiever "accomplishments" of her very own meth and reefer-laden trio of deviential miscreants! *


----------



## Oldtimer

Congrats to your son Arb.


----------



## arbitrator

Oldtimer said:


> *Congrats to your son Arb.*


*Thanks, for your kind sentiments, @Oldtimer ~ In fact, both of my boys richly deserve it!

Sorry for being so late in responding as I rarely ever go back to my thread any more!*


----------



## Chuck71

Yo Arb...... how's life on the ranch? 'Ol Mathias still running the show?


----------



## arbitrator

Chuck71 said:


> * Yo Arb...... how's life on the ranch? 'Ol Mathias still running the show? *


*You'd better know it! I think you know the drill, kind Sir!*


----------



## Chuck71

Arb..... been awhile! Hows yousa doin?


----------



## minimalME

Chuck71 said:


> Arb..... been awhile! Hows yousa doin?


Arb passed away. 😔


----------



## Chuck71

Oh my dear God.... I did not know. I am very sorry.


----------



## rockon

Chuck71 said:


> Arb..... been awhile! Hows yousa doin?


He passed away last year. Very sad news.


----------



## MattMatt

Due to the fact that Arb has passed away, this thread is now closed for future replies.


----------

