# What's the source of your anxiety?



## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

Now that my lawyers have assured me that for the most part, my divorce process should be pretty straight forward, I no longer have to listen to the threats, gas lighting, and emotional manipulation projected from my stbx. I still get a little nervous because ive never been through this or seen it up close. She may ask for anything she wants in mediation, but all have to pay for is CS as our assets are minimal. Although I've now been able to identify her lying and psychological tactics, it still has a lingering taste, just becAuse she distorts so much. Last week alone I caught her in 5 lies in one day but decided to just write it down instead of engaging. Knowing how self serving she is, I just worry about anything I overlooked. That's where my angst stems from. By the court has the least discretion on CS and that's really the only thing that can cause me $. I thin . . . She has been clearY talking to someone w go will want to get every dime out of me, but I don't see that happening. She plays the victim very well so I have to have all my documents in order

What about you, what do ou worry about as you engage this process?


----------



## timeforpain (Apr 29, 2012)

I haven't started the process yet, so...

I worry that these are uncharted waters.

I live in fear of my wife's rage and I worry that this is going to be the most of it I've ever seen.

I worry about losing everything I've ever worked for, having none of my pre-marital assets restored, and losing my close relationship with my kids.

And I worry that this experience will fundamentally change me for the worse.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

My STBXH is unstable; he's angry, bitter, raging, and has (I believe) a personality disorder. I HATE who I am when I HAVE TO deal with him...I try to avoid it at all costs. Unfortunately, we have a minor child!

God, he's such a d1ck!


----------



## Serenity_Prayer (Oct 31, 2012)

I'm far enough along that I don't have many worries left, but here's what they were:

1) All the legal junk. I'm a logical gal and can't stand the legal stuff that goes with divorce. STBX has cooperated, so we've done the mediation thing and will be done in a couple days. I was relieved to hear how much control we had over our destinies and a lot less paperwork when neither party acts crazy.

2) His reaction. He's the quiet type who occassionally erupts, which is one of the reasons I called it quits. He's been really calm, although I believe it's because of #3 below.

3) Him rubbing his next relationship in my face. I have a suspicion it's already started, as he's been way too cooperative and has been finding reasons to hang out with 'friends'. Makes it easier for me.

4) His reaction when I start dating. I was the one who asked for the divorce and don't have an OM at all, but some day I'll date again. Will the ex find reasons to keep coming by, like the kids forgetting things?

5) How he'll handle the kids. He's asked for 50% custody, but I worry about how he'll care for them. Just yesterday he took our sick child with a fever to a restaurant! When watching the latest Spiderman movie, he thought it was nuts Peter Parker's aunt and uncle cared what time he came home, because he's a teenager! He's bad about getting them up early enough for school. He rarely cooks for them because there are Lunchables and frozen PBJ sandwiches.

OK, so #5 is my biggest and current concern. I hope I'm pleasantly surprised, or he finds excuses (his specialty) for not having them as often.

And PS, with mediation, you don't have to use the child support calculation, and can agree to any amount. STBX and I make about the same amount of money, so with 50/50 custody neither pays child support. We agreed to a fixed dollar amount because I'm keeping the house for the kids' sake, plus on my side I don't believe it'll be 50/50.


----------



## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

SP - This is good read for me since i will be heading to mediation soon with STBXW if she schedules it. I dont know what to expect, me who I am always the organized one, will be gathering and preparing for the worst. 

She is the scatter brain.


----------



## Serenity_Prayer (Oct 31, 2012)

HiRoad - if you're the organized one, you'll be fine. Just be fair and don't take advantage of her scatterbrains so you can exit with a clear conscience. Make the appointment yourself if she drags her feet.


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Mine went into default so i'm getting everything I asked for. Full custody of the kids along with child and spousal support. 

I'm just stressing that something will change before the judge gets to it and we will end up having a long drawn out divorce.


----------



## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> Mine went into default so i'm getting everything I asked for. Full custody of the kids along with child and spousal support.
> 
> I'm just stressing that something will change before the judge gets to it and we will end up having a long drawn out divorce.


What do you mean default?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Linguist said:


> What do you mean default?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He didn't respond to my petition within the 30 days because he either agreed or didn't care. I filed for default on day 32 and what I had asked for in the petition will be granted to me.


----------



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

My fears / anxiety:

1. Having to end up sharing my kid with someone else. I never thought I'd be one of those guys on TV (like beginning of Liar Liar) pick up the kid and have to see ex and her new boy toy playing and hugging my kid. 

2. Not being happy with someone else. Allowing this b/s to scar me from trusting future relationships. It's bad enough right now I truly don't know what kinda feelings I'm going to be left with.... 

3. Future... period. Just really scared of the future. 

Divorce is all but done. Just waiting on court date and the gavel to fall. I've already defriended her on FB and checked my status to Divorced. 

Everything's 50/50. No Child Support. She got the hearse, I got the trail blazer (and the payments.. and I have no job still...)


----------



## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> My fears / anxiety:
> 
> 1. Having to end up sharing my kid with someone else. I never thought I'd be one of those guys on TV (like beginning of Liar Liar) pick up the kid and have to see ex and her new boy toy playing and hugging my kid.
> 
> ...


That's incredibly honest, bravo!

Don't be afraid, once your feelings and focus process to the point where you are no longer fueled by anger and shock, you can make your life what you want

I hate sharing my child with a compulsive liar who takes no responsibility for her behavior and thinks she is 22, not to mention wants every dime she can get. But if it gets me more info about what my child is doing, I can handle my ex's BS & mind games. Ive never seen anyone play the victim for everything in their life, I think at this point she clearly has mental and emotional health issues and needs professional help. I just do what I do, my kid loves me and I her, we have a blast. I want only the very best for her so I do what I can. Once I realized my ex couldn't hurt me and all she could do was emotional mind games, I moved on and thought about what I want to do with my new life. Nothing's more painful than being away from my child though


----------



## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> He didn't respond to my petition within the 30 days because he either agreed or didn't care. I filed for default on day 32 and what I had asked for in the petition will be granted to me.


Wow lucky!


----------



## keepthefaith (Nov 24, 2012)

My fear/anxiety 
Seeing my stbx and my children with the OW who is part of a family that my stbx and I have known for years. I fear my children will enjoy time with that crew more than with me. I fear that I will "lose" my kids to the other family...they have more money and "nicer" things. I try to remind my self that material things aren't the really important things but I also know that at 13 & 17 the material things matter.
I fear my future. I've never been alone...moved from my parents home to a home with my stbx. (23 years together) I fear being alone....I fear never finding someone to fill this void. I have some AMAZING friends but it isn't the same as having that someone special...especially now during the holidays.
And of course financial fears are numerous! I chose to leave the house because I couldn't stay in our home without him...too many painful reminders. Also, I am now closer to my work and my friends.
I mourn the loss of my stbx's family....I love them so much!! I know that their lives will continue on, as will mine, and I will quickly be replaced by the OW. I know that my stbx's family will accept her kids (3 & 13) as if they had been born into the family. I fear that I will never experience the love and joy that I felt while I was a part of that family.
And the list goes on. I remind myself numerous time a day that everything happens for a reason, God has a master plan, and as long as I trust in him everything will be alright. Not an easy path I/we have been given to walk but a necessary one.
Merry Christmas to each of you....I hope that you can all find some peace and joy this holiday season.


----------

