# husband isnt interested in sex at all



## darkangel (Jul 29, 2011)

where to start?

my husband is aged 24 and we have been married for 4 years. 
he basically doesnt want to have sex!

out marriage started fine, having sex a few times a week and i cant even recall about where it went wrong!

were trying for a baby and im taking clomid to make me ovulate which means i really dont want to miss a chance to concieve, and he knows that but he still cant make the effort. 

to be honest for the past 2.5 yrs hes been doing really long days and not finishing work till 11pm so hes been tired, i can understand he cant be bothered but hes finished doing long days now and is finishing work at 5pm. hes healthy, he plays sports etc, he drinks but not excessively, he quit smoking about 6 weeks ago.

i think the longest weve gone without sex is about 4 months.

im not sex crazy myself and have a low libido and could cope with once every week or two weeks... i just feel really rejected, i basically have to beg him to have sex with me and then i have to do all the work. its really depressing!

im not stunning gorgeous girl and to be honest i dont make lots of effort with my appearance, and he wants me to lose weight, but i weigh about 3 stone less than when we got married so its not like ive had some sudden weight gain.

i really dont know what to do? i dont want to force him to have sex, but if he cant bear to have sex with me then i dont really want to be married!

two nights on the run now ive tried to initiate sex and basically got rejected!


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## darkangel (Jul 29, 2011)

oh, and when we do have sex, he cums in about 30 seconds! 
so its not as if were at it for hours!

and when we do have sex he does enjoy it at the time...


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

The standard advice for getting more sex is self-improvement. You admit that he would like you to be smaller and look better. I would start there. Basically, make yourself more attractive. If this doesn't pull your husband's interest, at least you're in better position should you choose to divorce.

Another thing to check is whether there is another woman in the picture. I would at least rule it out if you can't pinpoint the cause of your husband's lack of interest.

Good luck.


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## blondie5 (Jul 29, 2011)

This is not good at all! You & your husband are wayyy too young to have this going on. One thing that caught my attention was that you said that you once did not have sex for 4 months. Yikes! I have been married to my husband for 21 years (next month) and I am 44, he is 45.... we have NEVER gone that long! What was up with that? At first when reading your post, I thought.... this guy has a girl on the side. Then I thought, perhaps he is getting drained from masturbating to porn. Now I'm not so sure..... You said that he can get off in like 30 seconds when he has sex with you. Hmmm. Not sure what might be going on. It certainly is strange though that a man that young would not be interested in sex. I hate to think that it really could be his dissatisfaction with your weight and lack of effort in your appearance. Why don't you try a few things to see? Here are a few ideas to see if you can give him a jump start....

1.) Buy a few NEW sexy bras & panties/thongs to wear for him. Men are VERY visual and he will no doubt appreciate seeing something sexy and different on you. Variety is a big thing for men. Mix it up often!

2.) Dress up cute & sexy just around the house and act like your totally NOT interested in him. Make sure you smell good, fresh out of the shower... shaved, the works! He will appreciate that. 

3.) Go out and buy some pretty candles and make sure your bedroom is a sanctuary for love making. Change it up... rearrange the furniture so it feels fresh and new. Remember what I said about variety/change....? This will help. 

4.) Now brace yourself... This one may be the most important tip of all. Not sure what your comfortable with doing in the bedroom, but try to think about anything at all that your husband has ever asked you to do sexually. Have you ever turned one of his requests down? Most men love oral sex. Give it to him. Get down on your knees and look up at him while doing so. My H loves it that way. He holds my long hair out of the way so he can get a good view! Get some lube and try anal sex. Now don't freak out if you have not ever done this. It took me a while also. Just go really slow and make sure that YOU are the one in control of (excuse my blutness) it going in. When you think you have used enough lube.... use some more. Relax, relax, relax. He will love you for this! 

5.) Don't be silent in bed. It's weird to think about now, but in the early years of our marriage, we never really said much (if anything) to eachother during sex. Now, it;s quite the opposite! Dirty talk gets us both going! Tell him what you want and how you want it. Tell him your a dirty girl that wants t get f*****! Say this as you lead him to the bedroom.

6.) One more thing.... if you have not already done so.... let him watch you masturbate. No big deal if you can't REALLY perform this with him watching. Just ACT like your getting off. He won't know the difference. He will be one happy man, beleive me. Try springing this surprise on him with a note or a phone call while he is away at work. Tell him you want to spice things up because you love him and want to have great sex with him and that he can look forward to seeing you get yourself off when he gets home from work! He won't get any work done for the rest of the day thinking about you! 

Hope some of these ideas help you with getting your husband interested in sex with you again. Keep us posted PLEASE! I would love to hear if he "cums" around!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I'm purposely not considering certain factors with this response, as to if his needs are being met, if he's turning to porn, if there's more to this etc. to offer these initial suggestions to think about:



darkangel said:


> were trying for a baby and im taking clomid to make me ovulate which means i really dont want to miss a chance to concieve, and he knows that but he still cant make the effort.


Does he really feel ready to be a father? Does this feel like pressure to him? 



darkangel said:


> im not stunning gorgeous girl and to be honest i dont make lots of effort with my appearance, and he wants me to lose weight, but i weigh about 3 stone less than when we got married so its not like ive had some sudden weight gain.


Confidence, confidence, confidence.... one of the sexiest qualities to have is confidence. Who says you're not a stunning gorgeous girl? Don't buy into the superficial bs of what 'stunning' is meant to look like. You need to see the beauty that YOU have and accept that, to start being more comfortable in your own skin. When you feel this for yourself, it will naturally radiate outwards too. 

Why don't you make effort with your appearance? Perhaps it's because you lack confidence. Often this can be catch-22. If you start taking more pride in your appearance (and this doesn't mean you have to start being something you're not, just fine-tune and step up your own style), if you take pride in your fitness, have a healthy diet, make an effort for YOU, confidence will no doubt follow. And all of this leads to a more alluring version of YOU. This also isn't just about the superficial, it's about the value and time you give yourself. Make sense?


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## blondie5 (Jul 29, 2011)

:iagree:

Very good advice! I also have to say that the advice that I gave to the OP will certainly "spice things up" and get her husband interested again. Unless he really is having an affair. I hope not. Good luck Darkangel.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I wonder if he feels hurt or rejected as well, because the only reason you want to have sex right much lately, is due to trying to conceive. 

Did you both agree mutually to trying to have a baby? Is this something you want more than him? 

You did say your libido was lower and could cope with having sex once every week or so. Now it has changed but just due to trying to conceive, so he might feel thats a blow to his self esteem. 

Does he seem depressed at all since he quit smoking 6 weeks ago? Might play a role as well, but doubt to the extent you're saying.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

He has a problem.

people post about this stuff all the time, and it doesn't even matter if the woman looks like a model, it isn't about looks.

Something is wrong with him, and while I agree working on your self esteem is a good idea, and will help you when you feel good enough to leave, it will not fix him.

Him focusing on your weight is wrong. You were heavier when you married, it's just a convenient excuse for him to deflect from the fact that he has a big problem.

I think he needs to get his testosterone levels checked and go to counseling.

Does he use porn and does he masturbate? 

Also people suggesting that these women try harder and spice things up is very bad advice. usually most of these women are trying very hard and bending over backwards to be great wives and look good etc, but it doesn't change anything.

That's like telling the "nice guy" who doesn't get sex to do more housework and get up to the baby at night.

She also states it's been going on for a long time. So I don't think trying for a baby is the issue.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you have many factors you need to eliminate-

1) you mention trying for a baby and obviously having sex=having a baby- are you certain he is on board with the plan?
2) you mention that he comes in 30 seconds- that's premature ejaculation and he may be terribly embarrassed about it and may not wish to have sex in fear of disappointing you 
3) it may not be a bad idea to install a keylogger to see if he replacing sex with porn
4) speaking of keyloggers, you may discover he is having an affair (I am not saying that lack of sex is a definite indicator but it can be a sign)
5) medically he may have something wrong- is he open to get his testosterone level checked?


I would eliminate all of those possibilities and then if none of those are in play, marriage counseling may be needed if he can't communicate about it


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