# None of my business?????



## heartoft9oe (Jan 19, 2012)

About a week after my wife and I separated back in November (our second separation) I drove passed her house and saw her exhusbands truck parked behind it. She told me that he came over to spend time with his son and that they were having a good time catching up and she said she had enjoyed talking to someone that took her away from the issues that we were going through. She said it got late and she offered him to sleep on the floor. That I could assume what I wanted, but that nothing happened. I couldn't take it and told her that I was "done". She flew over to my house and cried and cried for 3 hours about how "in the moment" she wasn't thinking about my feelings but afterwards, she realized that she did care about my feelings and that she was sorry and begged for my forgiveness. She said there was noting going on between the two of them and I had nothing to worry about. 

Laying in bed at night, not sleeping, it's all I could think about. I pushed and pushed to get back together...all because I didn't trust her and wanted to be there with her so I would feel more secure. It's obviously the wrong way to think and act and it only pushed her over the edge. Until she couldn't take me hounding her anymore and told me it was over, she wanted a divorce and that I need to leave her alone. That she was beginning a new life that didn't include me in it. 

Fast forward to two nights ago. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted it to be done. So, I drove over to her house to tell her this. It was about 10pm. When I pulled up, the exhusbands truck was in the driveway this time. I went up and knocked on the door and the two of them come out of her bedroom, lit only by the tv. He immediately headed for the back of the house. She came to the door and just said "what"? I said "what is this?" and pointed to his truck. She said "it's none of your business". Then goes on to say that he came over to drop of a tv for his son. That he comes over alot to spend time with his son and that there is nothing wrong with it. But, I was like "it's 10pm"? Then I said can't you be honest with me??? I asked, "is there something going on between you two? She said "Yes". I asked are you getting back together? She said, "yes, we've talked about it". I said are you sleeping with him? She got very mad and said, "That is none of your business"! What?????????? I'm your husband, I said, it's very much my business if you are sleeping with another man. She said, "Don't you judge me". I said what you are doing is wrong. She said according to who?? I said, God, and the courts would consider this adultery. She went on to say "we don't live together anymore". I said, "but you are still my wife, we are still married." 

What gives????? How could she possibly feel that this is NONE of my business???? She claims to be a Christian and is "deepening her relationship with God. How can she claim this and be having an affair with her exhusband??? Is it really none of my business??? Help!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

She obviously checked out of the marriage. You went over there to tell her you were checking out. Just try to ignore the slap in the face and get on with making it official. Oh and I wouldn't surprise her late in the evening anymore unless you want to get slapped again. 

Sorry man, but sounds like this one is over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

It's best you move on. I'm very sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Look at it this way: her ex-husband is dumb enough to step into it twice.

Cheers!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

snap said:


> Look at it this way: her ex-husband is dumb enough to step into it twice.
> 
> Cheers!


:iagree:

Time to stop living in limbo and move on. She never really got over him.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Your constant fighting from day one; her needy, clingy 9 year old son who cried because he wanted to continue sleeping with his mother while depriving you of being with her; the 1.5 year separation; and now the evidence that she has been cheating on you with her ex-husband. What more is there to convince you that your marriage to this woman is dead in the water? The other members are right, divorce her and move on with your life.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Just because you refuse to bury it, it doesnt make it any less dead. The longer you keep it out of the ground, the worse the stench of it rotting is going to get.

Really sorry brother.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

File for divorce and be done.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Agreed. get it over with. she doesn't love you anymore.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

morituri said:


> Your constant fighting from day one; her needy, clingy 9 year old son who cried because he wanted to continue sleeping with his mother while depriving you of being with her; the 1.5 year separation; and now the evidence that she has been cheating on you with her ex-husband. What more is there to convince you that your marriage to this woman is dead in the water? The other members are right, divorce her and move on with your life.


Wow, what kind of mojo does she have that makes you want to put with that?


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## cyan (Dec 4, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Just because you refuse to bury it, it doesnt make it any less dead. The longer you keep it out of the ground, the worse the stench of it rotting is going to get.


I agree. So sorry for this but it's time to move on, as difficult as that may be. Let her go...


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I think everyone else is right. Start throwing dirt over your shoulders and put it in the ground.

Get your self some IC and start taking care of you. File and be done with her. I cann't understand why should would drag it out like this except for the fact that you let her. 

Yep put it in the grave and move on sorry it is just how I see it.


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

So you told her it was done and you stupidly forgave her even though it was clear that she was sleeping with her ex husband. Now that she told you it was over and seemed have to moved on a bit (sleeping with her ex husband again), You suddendly want her back.

Let it go dude. Its over. Divorce her and get on with your life.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Guess her ex and she want to be a couple now.

Twirl away from her and move in the opposite direction and find someone who isn't torn between two husbands.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I can see her point. It's all about her so why should she care what YOU think?
What I can't understand is why are you even trying to repair this?
Believe me. What will do you the most good is about two years or more of living alone and only for YOU.
If you give it a try, believe me, you will enjoy it.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

_Dude_... Are you _seriously_ asking what you should do?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

He knows what he needs to do, he just won't do it. If his friends and family cant get him to do it, theres very little an internet forum is going to be able to do. He wont let go. He's already stalking her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I would like more of her history. Such as, was she cheating on her ex. But I can tell you that any mom sleeping with her 9 year old (regularly) while denying her husband. Well its either an excuse to be away from hubby or sick.


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## inmygut (Apr 2, 2011)

heartoft9oe said:


> About a week after my wife and I separated back in November (our second separation) I drove passed her house and saw her exhusbands truck parked behind it. She told me that he came over to spend time with his son and that they were having a good time catching up and she said she had enjoyed talking to someone that took her away from the issues that we were going through. She said it got late and she offered him to sleep on the floor. That I could assume what I wanted, but that nothing happened. I couldn't take it and told her that I was "done". She flew over to my house and cried and cried for 3 hours about how "in the moment" she wasn't thinking about my feelings but afterwards, she realized that she did care about my feelings and that she was sorry and begged for my forgiveness. She said there was noting going on between the two of them and I had nothing to worry about.
> 
> Laying in bed at night, not sleeping, it's all I could think about. I pushed and pushed to get back together...all because I didn't trust her and wanted to be there with her so I would feel more secure. It's obviously the wrong way to think and act and it only pushed her over the edge. Until she couldn't take me hounding her anymore and told me it was over, she wanted a divorce and that I need to leave her alone. That she was beginning a new life that didn't include me in it.
> 
> ...


Why haven't you filed? Make it none of your business. You will be much better off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartoft9oe (Jan 19, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> He knows what he needs to do, he just won't do it. If his friends and family cant get him to do it, theres very little an internet forum is going to be able to do. He wont let go. He's already stalking her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are absolutely right. I know what I need to do. And yes, im having trouble letting go. Why?? I couldn't tell you. We are finished. Could not, would not work. I believe it's called addictive love. My mind looks at the situation and would rather torment myself hanging onto the false hope than deal with the reality that my wife has moved on, no longer sees us as being married, and sees no wrong in what she is doing. Believe me, I would do anything to wake up and have accepted the finality of my marriage. How have you guys/gals pushed forward?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

heartoft9oe said:


> How have you guys/gals pushed forward?


One day at a time.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

heartoft9oe said:


> You are absolutely right. I know what I need to do. And yes, im having trouble letting go. Why?? I couldn't tell you. We are finished. Could not, would not work. I believe it's called addictive love. My mind looks at the situation and would rather torment myself hanging onto the false hope than deal with the reality that my wife has moved on, no longer sees us as being married, and sees no wrong in what she is doing. Believe me, I would do anything to wake up and have accepted the finality of my marriage. How have you guys/gals pushed forward?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I partied everyday and self medicated with alcohol. This time around, I would just freaking leave her and she knows it. I will not stand for another PA in a second marriage. She's lucky I'm allowing her to try to repair the marriage after her EA. If it was a PA, she's getting kicked to the curb no matter what. I found my anger a lot quicker this time around.

Every once in a long while I still wonder why the hell am I here with her? R is a difficult process. Getting burned twice in two marriages will do that to you.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> I partied everyday and self medicated with alcohol. This time around, I would just freaking leave her and she knows it. I will not stand for another PA in a second marriage. She's lucky I'm allowing her to try to repair the marriage after her EA. If it was a PA, she's getting kicked to the curb no matter what. I found my anger a lot quicker this time around.
> 
> Every once in a long while I still wonder why the hell am I here with her? R is a difficult process. Getting burned twice in two marriages will do that to you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## heartoft9oe (Jan 19, 2012)

So, here I am a few days later. Feeling better. Going to counseling. Attending a divorce group at church. My wife stops by to pick up the rest of her belongings. As she is leaving, she hugs me and says "I'll see u soon, right?" Ummmmm....what do I say???? I said im not sure. Then, later in the evening, she texts me telling me thank u for helping. I told her it was hard. And that I had the feeling we wouldn't be seeing each other again. Then I said, "that was it, right?"........her response: "IDK.. I wish it wasn't."........WHAT????? She is doing this, not me. Why would she say that??? To give me false hope?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

There is no hope.

Stop talking to her, cut her out of your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ashamed74 (Jan 30, 2012)

heartoft9oe said:


> About a week after my wife and I separated back in November (our second separation) I drove passed her house and saw her exhusbands truck parked behind it. She told me that he came over to spend time with his son and that they were having a good time catching up and she said she had enjoyed talking to someone that took her away from the issues that we were going through. She said it got late and she offered him to sleep on the floor. That I could assume what I wanted, but that nothing happened. I couldn't take it and told her that I was "done". She flew over to my house and cried and cried for 3 hours about how "in the moment" she wasn't thinking about my feelings but afterwards, she realized that she did care about my feelings and that she was sorry and begged for my forgiveness. She said there was noting going on between the two of them and I had nothing to worry about.
> 
> Laying in bed at night, not sleeping, it's all I could think about. I pushed and pushed to get back together...all because I didn't trust her and wanted to be there with her so I would feel more secure. It's obviously the wrong way to think and act and it only pushed her over the edge. Until she couldn't take me hounding her anymore and told me it was over, she wanted a divorce and that I need to leave her alone. That she was beginning a new life that didn't include me in it.
> 
> ...


Sounds like the marriage is over if both of you are living in separate places and legally separated. I could see if you were in R but you are done if you are legally separated and living in separate places. What she does now really doesn't mean a hill of beans. If both of you wanted the marriage you wouldn't be living in separate places while legally separated. Not sure why all this concern over what she does at this point. I don't even see it as an affair in this situation. I just see bitterness there is a divorce and one spouse doing everything they can to make the other's life a living hell.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

heartoft9oe said:


> So, here I am a few days later. Feeling better. Going to counseling. Attending a divorce group at church. My wife stops by to pick up the rest of her belongings. As she is leaving, she hugs me and says "I'll see u soon, right?" Ummmmm....what do I say???? I said im not sure. Then, later in the evening, she texts me telling me thank u for helping. I told her it was hard. And that I had the feeling we wouldn't be seeing each other again. Then I said, "that was it, right?"........her response: "IDK.. I wish it wasn't."........WHAT????? She is doing this, not me. Why would she say that??? To give me false hope?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's playing you because she senses she can, because you're not completely confident about sticking to your guns in your responses to her. She's testing to see if she can still keep you hanging in there as a crutch in case something goes awry with her relationship with her ex, or in case she just wants to get a one night stand out of you or something super shallow.

Whatever it is, she's playing puppet master to you. She knows you're not completely done with her emotionally and so she's using it as ammunition against you.

You need to shut the door on this girl for good. As hard as it may be, if you step outside yourself and look at the situation from a 3rd person perspective you would give yourself a stern talking to. I know it's hard, but for your own dignity you need to move on at this point. 

She moved on the minute she started screwing another guy... now it's your turn.


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## kitkat1 (Sep 14, 2011)

I'm sorry to say this but it looks like you are part of her mind-fantasy that you are her backup. Why should she worry about anything when she has ex-hubby #1 moving back into her life and into her house and current hubby #2 hanging on in the background. Do you really want to be back-up plan #2 when her and ex-hubby realize it didn't work the first time around and certainly isn't going to work the second round?


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