# Shared parenting - single mom pays child support



## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

I wander if someone is in the situation like mine. 

My second ex won 50-50 shared parenting because of the modern trend promoted in courts.
I have two children from previous marriage. Their dad lost his job and while he is on EI I volunteerly gave up child support in order to help him survive. He is low income, so when he finds a job it will be just $250-300 of CS - nothing that would really save me.

My second ex lost his job as well, and now he is looking for child support from me because we are equal parents. Even when he gets a job he will hide his income under the contract, as he always did, so my income will be higher and I owe him a difference in CS.

His game is - somehow he always talk his employers in the transferring his pay to his student son's fake company, where his and his son's cars, gas and insurances are paid from, as well as meals out (marketing expenses) and part of their rent. Leftovers are made up to very small salaries.

So, I am single mom of 3 may end up paying child support to a crook. Proving his game in the court will costs me tens thousands on subpoenas and questioning. I don't have that money.

My lawyer says that i can't claim financial hardship because my income is slightly above average. And the judge will not care that my rent, utilities, car, gas, insurance and daycare only leave me $300/month for everything else. 
He says the judge will request me to move to the apartment from the house and trade my car to a piece of crap to pay child support to the looser. 

I talked to two more lawyers, they all gave quite pessimistic forecast.
Every consultation with a lawyer is $350-500, so I can't afford looking for more opinions.

Are there any single moms paying child support to their smarty pants ex's? How did you manage this kind of abuse?


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

So first I'm not a single mom but this doesn't strike me as a male/female issue. I'm also not an attorney nor have I ever played one on TV though admittedly its a pretty low bar  I'll only offer that the part about the judge not caring that you're only left $300 per month does not sound right based on the legal advice I received and my experience in my D. In my state it would seem that there are guidelines as to how much can be taken from you. Additionally, I'm guessing there are state services available to your ex's to provide for their children given their unemployed status (real or otherwise). Them being out of work shouldn't suddenly shift all of their burden to you. Best of luck.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

All states have a guideline based calculator available. Many states also afford deviations from the standard based on various details of each individual situation. But the court doesn't typically concern itself with bills and expenses. CS is usually a calculation based on a percentage of income; combined or individual. If you have a higher reported income than he does, then you'll likely pay him a percentage. NY is 17% for the 1st child, for example. Then it goes from there. 

The issue is his income and income reporting. You would have to prove the income. Alternative is "imputed income" and "income in-kind". As a partner or benefit receiving employee of a company and/or corporation, you can likely roll that in as a source of income in generality. For records and taxation purposes, that company should have records of what was paid in the past year to his benefit. That could potentially be a useful figure if it was pulled in discoveries. Imputed at minimum wage, times 40 hours/week. There's options.

In NY, with 50/50 overnights, you have the potential to calculate combined income and only pay the ratio based difference to balance. Example - $60k/$40k = $100k x .17 = Combined CS. 60:40 ratio. You pay the difference of 20% of the 17% of the $100k. Typically falls as less than 17% of your income unless there is a major difference in income levels.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I would visit a lawyer and ask them to put out a letter to whomever decrying the claim he is making. See if he's willing to stand up against the claim. You'll only be out a few hundred dollars.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Contact the IRS. Playing games like that probably involves some degree of tax fraud by your ex or his boss.


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

Shoto1984 said:


> I'll only offer that the part about the judge not caring that you're only left $300 per month does not sound right based on the legal advice I received and my experience in my D.



I am in Canada. The problem is the rule for child support - for the youngest daughter it's calculated as if she was my only child, without consideration me living with and providing for 2 kids from previous marriage.


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

Malpheous said:


> In NY, with 50/50 overnights, you have the potential to calculate combined income and only pay the ratio based difference to balance. Example - $60k/$40k = $100k x .17 = Combined CS. 60:40 ratio. You pay the difference of 20% of the 17% of the $100k. Typically falls as less than 17% of your income unless there is a major difference in income levels.


Same principle here in Canada. 
Ex claims less than 50% of what I make, so the difference is quite huge. 
I make decent money but because of mandatory pension plan, my takehome is barely enough to provide for family of 4. There is no room even for 100/month CS


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

Bananapeel said:


> Contact the IRS. Playing games like that probably involves some degree of tax fraud by your ex or his boss.


My ex owes tons of money to Canada revenue. It does not matter to CS.


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## misslonelyheart (Apr 3, 2016)

Have your lawyer hire a private investigator to determine how much money he actually is making and then provide the proof to the court.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

BeautyBeast said:


> I am in Canada. The problem is the rule for child support - for the youngest daughter it's calculated as if she was my only child, without consideration me living with and providing for 2 kids from previous marriage.


But isn't only one of the children your ex husbands? The one we're talking about I mean, who hides his earnings...he's only responsible for his child via CS, you can't expect him to pay for the other two.


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

frusdil said:


> But isn't only one of the children your ex husbands? The one we're talking about I mean, who hides his earnings...he's only responsible for his child via CS, you can't expect him to pay for the other two.


...and I don't. What i'd expect is to pay less or no CS for my youngest daughter, who lives with me 50%, because I have to provide two other kids living with me full time. But it's not happening with current legislation.


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

misslonelyheart said:


> Have your lawyer hire a private investigator to determine how much money he actually is making and then provide the proof to the court.


)))) do you have an idea of costs?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

BeautyBeast said:


> ...and I don't. What i'd expect is to pay less or no CS for my youngest daughter, who lives with me 50%, because I have to provide two other kids living with me full time. But it's not happening with current legislation.


Ah I getcha. That's fair enough. There shouldn't be a need for CS if care is 50/50.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

I think you are conflating two problems here. Or at least, trying to solve one problem with the solution to a different one.

You feel you are overpaying CS.

You share the child 50-50. Therefore the offset CS system is used. Higher earner pays the lower earner half the difference in their CS obligations. There's no flexibility in this system. It is what it is. You look up your CS obligation based on your income, look up his, pay half the difference. It's very black and white.

The problem you are trying to address is that he is underreporting his income. If his income was accurate, the offset amount would be more reasonable. THAT is the problem you need to address, making his amount more accurate. Look into having an income imputed to him.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Ah I getcha. That's fair enough. There shouldn't be a need for CS if care is 50/50.


Is that how it works there?:surprise: I can tell you in the United States it doesn't at all. CS is calculated on a rigid formula developed but the state in most cases. 50/50 only carries you so far. I won 50/50 and was still ordered to pay 700-800 a month to my X or take care of all daycare expenses by myself. When I told the judge I would loose my house he said, in court mind you, I don't care that's what the formula indicated. Furthering the insult my X agreed not to take full CS because she didn't need it and the judge still said I had to write the check for the full amount if she needed it or not. 

One thing that is getting better, least here, is that it isn't gender based, I have a female friend who was the sole supporter of her household and she too was ordered to and still does pay child support to her X husband.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Is that how it works there?:surprise: I can tell you in the United States it doesn't at all. CS is calculated on a rigid formula developed but the state in most cases. 50/50 only carries you so far. I won 50/50 and was still ordered to pay 700-800 a month to my X or take care of all daycare expenses by myself. When I told the judge I would loose my house he said, in court mind you, I don't care that's what the formula indicated. Furthering the insult my X agreed not to take full CS because she didn't need it and the judge still said I had to write the check for the full amount if she needed it or not.
> 
> One thing that is getting better, least here, is that it isn't gender based, I have a female friend who was the sole supporter of her household and she too was ordered to and still does pay child support to her X husband.


Unfortunately no, it doesn't - but it should. The system needs changing that's for sure. Both parents should be responsible for their own housing/utilities etc. All costs for the kids should be split 50/50. That's it.

That's what we do in our situation - but that's rare...hubby and his ex wife agreed on that when they divorced, and it's written into their orders.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> The problem you are trying to address is that he is underreporting his income. If his income was accurate, the offset amount would be more reasonable. THAT is the problem you need to address, making his amount more accurate. Look into having an income imputed to him.


This is the correct answer, but proving the under reporting will be difficult and expensive. Now if you were able to take banking and contract information with you when you left, you may have a chance. 

Having income imputed for him will work if you can show that he has potential for more income based on education and/or previous employment. Again, the paper trail is extremely helpful.


Story time: There is a gentlemen that works with me that got divorced. His wife ran a business out of the home and she took cash only. When they went to court, she claimed no income as she stashed the cash. Judge did not care that his income would be reduced to next to nothing after paying his ex support, he had to pay. He could not prove her income because there was no paper trail. He ended up having to work multiple jobs in order to live and provide support to his crooked ex.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

The single mom aspect of this doesn't, and shouldn't factor in at all. Lots of people are single parents. The real issue is that too often, child support and alimony ends up being punitive in nature because of other life circumstances that are not taken into account.


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## BeautyBeast (Feb 3, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> The single mom aspect of this doesn't, and shouldn't factor in at all. Lots of people are single parents. The real issue is that too often, child support and alimony ends up being punitive in nature because of other life circumstances that are not taken into account.


What makes me sad (and mad) is that my other two kids are supposed to have lower life style then their sister.

Ex provides for 0.5 child, while I provide for 2.5

still, I have to pay him CS, taking from my older kids. That sounds ridiculous to me.


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