# The Swinging lifestyle



## Alister (Apr 15, 2015)

What are the odds that if you had a wife that has cheated on you before, would enjoy the swinging lifestyle? Why I ask is my wife has had an EA before, would of gone physical if not stopped. What has me curious is before she ever cheated on me she asked me one night if swinging is something I would ever do, she asked me because of a small private swinging group in my town was leaked out. It was talk of the town and we were talking about that night when asked me for my thoughts. I didnt know if it was a trap so I said it might be something to consider if you feel your sex life is dead and are out of options to revive it. She never really told me what she thought about it. I always wondered and then I discover her little affair. It has me thinking, what is your thoughts on this and has anyone had good experiences in the swinging world. I look at it as one last effort to see if this will cure her cheating. It would never be with local people, it would have to be with couples who live a couple hrs away. I never would of concidered this before the cheating. Now its like wtf...what can it hurt at this point!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Is it something you are actually into for yourself? Or is this just some way of trying to "win" her back or something, or offer her a consolation for not cheating?


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Your wife has already cheated.....

Your thinking about the swinging lifestyle...from what I heard purported by those in it (i am not)...it's "all About Trust". You don't have that. 

From what I have observed...NONE...ZERO...people that I have know -that where married-that got into this...stayed married. It ended badly. 

When you think about swinging..think about his...Your wife is getting banged by some guy...maybe a little better looking than you...maybe makes more money than you...getting her off...while whispering in her ear..."If you were mine..I'd never share you"...

Sound Like fun?

Swinging =Worst Idea Ever


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

Two wrongs can't make a right.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MarriedDude said:


> Your wife has already cheated.....
> 
> Your thinking about the swinging lifestyle...from what I heard purported by those in it (i am not)...it's "all About Trust". You don't have that.
> 
> ...


Yup. Your wife was already cheating or considering it. Work on your marriage in a monogamous way pal. Swinging isn't for cheaters.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

From your thread in the CWI forum titled *Need to know more about VAR's*, it seems that your wife is a serial cheater.



Alister said:


> As for a divorce just knowing wht I know now, i have a little girl that I do not want to part from. If I can prove this was a EA or PA then yes it will be the end.





> I was never worried about the first two phone/facebook flings that she had before because they were with men that lived 2 hours away. Pretty much just talking smut if they were ever to have sex. This time with number 3 man, he is a co-worker. It would still be a little tuff for them to sneak away for sex at her place of work but he only lives 35 minutes away in a town where we go to grocery shop. She does that often by herself. I think this guy was/is still in the process of switching the "friendship" to an affair.


Why you would even contemplate swinging over divorce under those circumstances is simply beyond comprehension.


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## Alister (Apr 15, 2015)

I understand all being said, was exactly my way of thinking. I am to the point now that more then liekely this relationship is going to end within the next few years. She wont stop cheating, I seen things this time that now I see a completly different woman. Things are going really well now, it will not last. The next one will try to get in her pants and more then likely she wont make it hard for them to get in. All I want is for my child to be a little older before I make a move. She will be old enough to understand why daddy left mommy! I guess im just looking at the swinging thing as " I know it ain't a good idea but got nothing to lose", maybe all to gain. The couple we would chose would be at the same level as us and would not live in the same area. Thats if it would ever happen, highly doubt it will. Just me with a hypothetical question. Sitting here bored makes me think! Lol


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You might as well just offer her a one sided "open marriage" so she can find "prince Charming" to take her away to never, neverland.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

IMO...the flaw in your thinking is that she is just looking for sex. 
That is most likely incorrect...think it through, if it was just sex, she would
Have done it already, and probably non-stop
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

The younger the child when you split, the easier it is on the child. And, it isn't right to dump on the child the reasons you are getting divorced. At least not on pre-teens. Even teens I think it is questionable to give many details such as mom cheated.

There will always be yet another reason to wait to leave. There is no perfect time to do it! And once the kids get to be teens there will be all kinds of adolescent issues which make it very difficult to break up the house.

Really if you want to split from her, do it now. It will actually be better for your child than waiting. And every day that goes by is another day of your life expended.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Will you be proud of yourself? How do you think your daughter will look at you if she found out?

Keep your dignity. Divorce is tough on kids at any age. Don't prolong this.

Your wife needs some harsh reality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The swinger life style is fine for married folks that have a strong and healthy marriage....you my friend are no were near that!

Actually I'm affraid you just might find a better women and leave the cheater you are with now...behind. lol

Seriously ...phucking around with other guys (even in front of you) is not going to "cure" her from cheating.

It promotes it...it validates how under valued the marriage really is!


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Alister said:


> I understand all being said, was exactly my way of thinking. I am to the point now that more then liekely this relationship is going to end within the next few years. She wont stop cheating, I seen things this time that now I see a completly different woman. Things are going really well now, it will not last. The next one will try to get in her pants and more then likely she wont make it hard for them to get in. All I want is for my child to be a little older before I make a move. She will be old enough to understand why daddy left mommy! I guess im just looking at the swinging thing as " I know it ain't a good idea but got nothing to lose", maybe all to gain. The couple we would chose would be at the same level as us and would not live in the same area. Thats if it would ever happen, highly doubt it will. Just me with a hypothetical question. Sitting here bored makes me think! Lol


Two things: why are you prolonging the inevitable? Why wait a few years? I understand that you might want to make a last-ditch effort to save this, but it won't happen. It just won't. Then e best you can hope for is that things are good for a few years, then you'll get blindsided again. That's just the way it goes. You can't "cure" people of behaviour like this.

And second, as mentioned previously, the swinger lifestyle is for couples who have major trust and openness and honesty in their relationship. Not the other way around. And even then, there's no guarantees things won't go South.

I have no problem, per se, with that lifestyle. Clearly it can work and even have a positive impact on a relationship. But it's much rarer than one would think, and the risk to the relationship is never worth it imo.

My opinion (which won't be popular with swingers) is that the people who get involved in this (especially successfully) aren't truly in love with each other. It's more like lust. TBH, swinging is something I could probably do - but not with my wife or somebody I wanted to share the rest of my life with. I could probably do it with somebody I respected, felt a high level of attraction to, enjoyed being with, etc. But not somebody I truly loved and who loved me back. At least not in that way.

Being married means not sharing. It sounds selfish and restrictive, but that's the point of marrying someone. You make a commitment to each other, and you "belong" to each other. Not in a "property" way, like an object, but in a mind, body and soul way. It's kind of the point of marriage, when you get right down to it.

Marriage is a symbol of commitment. "I love you, and you alone, and therefore it's only you and I from here on out."


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

alexm said:


> Being married means not sharing. It sounds selfish and restrictive, but that's the point of marrying someone. You make a commitment to each other, and you "belong" to each other. Not in a "property" way, like an object, but in a mind, body and soul way. It's kind of the point of marriage, when you get right down to it.
> 
> Marriage is a symbol of commitment. "I love you, and you alone, and therefore it's only you and I from here on out."


Alexm...of course you have an opinion, but "what marriage means' to different people isn't up to you. I know this OP really probably should not enter the swinging lifestyle (and neither should you or I), but what we each individually believe the boundaries of marriage are is up to all of us. Saying "marriage means not sharing" is just how you interpret what marriage means. Also "the point" of marrying someone varies, too.

Of course most people agree with you in their marriages and so do I in my marriage...but still, I think it is important not to try to say any of us can say what marriage means for everyone.

Some swingers are happy and in love and what marriage means to them only applies to them.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Alister said:


> I understand all being said, was exactly my way of thinking. I am to the point now that more then liekely this relationship is going to end within the next few years. She wont stop cheating, I seen things this time that now I see a completly different woman. Things are going really well now, it will not last. The next one will try to get in her pants and more then likely she wont make it hard for them to get in. All I want is for my child to be a little older before I make a move. She will be old enough to understand why daddy left mommy! I guess im just looking at the swinging thing as " I know it ain't a good idea but got nothing to lose", maybe all to gain. The couple we would chose would be at the same level as us and would not live in the same area. Thats if it would ever happen, highly doubt it will. Just me with a hypothetical question. Sitting here bored makes me think! Lol


 Look. In marriage you have rules. In swinging you also have rules. Now she proved to you that she doesn't follow the rules with marriage so what makes you think she going to follow them with swinging?

All your doing is making it easier to cheat. It's like handing the key of the jail to the convicts.

If you can't trust her as your wife I can't see how you think that this will be any better. If it's me I move on and find a woman with better character.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Alister said:


> I never would of considered this before the cheating. Now its like wtf...what can it hurt at this point!


Actually, it can hurt a lot... if things finally come to an end (Divorce). 

It is a not an uncommon tactic by partners that are cheating or want to cheat, especially if they think you have some evidence on them. To them, it's about giving them something to hold over you that counters what you have on them should things go south. In my experience, most (more?) women can't stand the idea of being publicly exposed as a cheater/bad guy to family, friends, church, etc and/or have the idea they'd lose out on $$$ in a divorce court. Having you also 'technically' break your marriage vows (even though she "ok'd" it, etc) nullifies that in their minds, giving them leverage over you as well as making it easier for them to do what they want without having to completely hide it from you.

And... this is really important.. if you think your marriage will end in divorce: despite the ubiquitousness of no-fault divorce in the US, divorcing for cause is still an option in many states, and can materially impact the financial outcome in favor of the betrayed partner*. Check out your state's specifics at realworlddivorce.com

* Doesn't mean it won't still hurt if you are man+breadwinner, just less, and you need to make sure you are pursuing the D correctly, and protect against the Domestic Violence Divorce scam, etc.


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## len51 (May 22, 2015)

What you are proposing is to eliminate the pain you feel by making it an OK activity. Knowing about it and allowing it, does not change anything except that you know it is going on. Big deal, she still is banging other guys. Allowing her to do so is an effort to spare yourself and changes nothing.

My wife and I dabbled with swinging but saw the danger and could not separate sex from love. It was not our thing but we kept our friends into it. We are still married after 40 years while they are on their third or fourth marriage.


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