# run-away husband. I really need help...



## lostnbroken (Aug 21, 2009)

I've been reading on this forum for quite sometime. I haven't really started a thread about my M situation, so I think it's about that time. It's a long story but I am going to keep it short. 

We've been married 4.5 years, been though ups and downs. He had an affair in our second year of M, but we decided to stay together and rebuld our relationahip. The following 2.5 years, he wanted to break up with me 3 times. The 3rd time was in the end of january. 2011. It happened when I was, and am still is, visiting my family outside of US, on the other side of pacific ocean. Each time he wanted to break up, it hurt me even more deeply. 

He is a manipulator. He made me believe that we were doing good and were builing our future together. For example, he'd say, "baby let's do/buy this and that. It will be good for US". Then one day he'd checked out of our M over some stupid argument (most of time its about me telling him to drink less). 

It's the same argument this time. Well, I didn't think it was an argument. I just asked over the phone if he's been drinking too much since i've been gone. He got really mad and avoided my call for 4 days. Then I had to call his parents to find out if he was okay, because he was supposed to come and meet me in my home town in a few days. That's when his parents told me that he's thinking about breaking up again. Even though he tried to call me after he found out that I spoke to his parents, I decided not to speak to him coz I was so hurt and heartbroken. He emailed me two days before his scheduled flight and told me he's not coming and he'd like to talk to me. I then made a decision that I wanted to end this M once and for all. So I emailed him and told him that he's free and doesn't need to feel being tide down anymore. And we will take care of all this mass when I go home. 

We haven't had any contact since end of January. I also found out that he has deleted and blocked me from his MSN and facebook. What kills me is that we were so lovey dovey before he turned into this cold-blood bi*ch. Its like I am the one that did wrong and he's punishing me....

I was supposed to go back on 2/9 but I postponed my flight to 2/26 coz I needed time to calm down and heal a bit. However now I am really worried that the situation might get worse. We are renting a townhome and the lease won't be up for another 8 months. Now I am worried that he's moved out already without telling me. Neither of us is able to afford the townhomw by ourselves. I am worried sick that he's left and expects me to pay the rent by myself. 

I don't understand how and why he becomes so cruel to me. The only thing I'd ask of him is respect during the divorce process. If he really moves out without informing me, that would be so so so immature and irresponsible of him. 

I will be going back in a week. it's so nerve-wrecking for me. I don't know what to expect. I have tried to work on myself to be strong and started to plan my future without him. But I am still very nervouse about going back to deal with all this mass.

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I'd also like to note about why I decided to end our M. He told me the first time he wanted to break up that he's confused and he wanted to be single. The 2nd time, he still told me he's very confused. I don't even bother to ask him why this time. The answer will be the same. I can't be dragged down by him anymore. I love him so much and I've tried my best to find a common ground for our R to the point that I am sacrificing my happiness, dignity, and self-esteem. He's also having some sort of drinking problem. He may be a functional alcholic. He blames his drinking on me as well, as if I make his life so miserable. I think it's time to leave. 

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Though I have found a lawyer and will speak to my lawyer once I go back, I am still extreamly nervous to having to deal with his immaturaity. Please help me. I don't know how to face him when I go back. I don't know what to do if he really moves away without telling me and leave me to pay rent and house expenses all by myself. I am so scared..............


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## Vienna11 (Feb 2, 2011)

My advice is that you can't run away from this situation. The longer you go without seeing or talking to your H makes the chances go up of something catastrophic happenning. But once you do confront him and the situation, remember that there is no reason why you should be a victim in all of this. I highly doubt that the best you can do is an emotionally abusive, immature, alcoholic. When you confront him, remember that his antics CAN ONLY HURT YOU IF YOU LET THEM. If you do seperate and you have to get rid of the house, I don't think you'd be worse off because you wouldn't have the dead weight to deal with anymore.


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

1st off you have to come to terms w/ him cheating, if he cheated he doesn't love you. It has taken me 10 mo. to realize that and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, now that I have accepted it, let the fun begin!! I have 4 kids who NEED me, mom is off her rocker (and sits on the couch) and there has to be an adult to hold down the fort. She made a decision, she acted, her problem. I can only fix me, you can only change you, help yourself and take the first step to freedom. I'm not saying leave but don't be so....controlled. 180 plan, look it up here, and follow it! I've been having great success w/ it and it does work!
Mouse


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Let your lawyer handle it. That's what lawyers are for. Tell the ex to communicate through the lawyer, and don't take h's calls, etc. He is clearly having drinking issues if you have noticed and, in addition, he's got serious problems if he'll go silent on you for 4 days. Don't play his game--be the adult. Just be glad you don't have kids together.


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## lostnbroken (Aug 21, 2009)

Thanks so much for your reply! I really appreciate it.

@ Vienna, 

I have to remember that I can't be hurt unless I let his craziness get to me. I need to tell myself from now on! Thanks so much for your wise advise!

@ Smackdown, 

You just made me realize that the biggest mistake I've made in my M is to take him back after he cheated 2.5 years ago!! He has been the one in control of our relationship and I need to take the control back, right at this instance. I am trying my bset to be strong, to plan my future without him. This is probably the best thing I can do for myself, to get out of hell on earth, a miserable M.....

@ sister359, 

That sounds like a good idea. Can I really have the lawyer handle the communication with him solely? If so, I am so very happy to do that. I honestly can't deal with his immaturaity for another sec. I've had enough. It's like I married a 3rd grader or something. I have stopped playing his game when I made up my mind to end the M. But every now and then, it's hard not to get sucked in and getting all emotional and angry. I am working on it. 

P.S. I am so glad that I don't have kids with him! It kind of makes things less complicated.......


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Yes, you can refer all communication to your lawyer. Do it. No reason to punish yourself by submitting to his immaturity any more.


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## lostnbroken (Aug 21, 2009)

Update (2/21):

My friend just texted him and told him to drop off the keys at my friend's office. He replied and told her the keys are in the circuit box. WTH! Did he leave the keys there as soon as I told him we're done? I got very upset again and cried for a bit. I have not cried for about 3 weeks, and now I cried again for this A$$hole! What did I do to deserve to be treated this way? I've done nothing but good to him! 

He did ask my friend when I would be home and my friend told him she doesn't know. Then H texted her back and asked: Don't know or don't want to say?

REALLY?! What the F does he care about? He's the one wants to leave. Why did he care when I will be home? Is he planning to run away from me? 

I don't get him. I don't understand this at all! I can't wait to serve him the divorce paper and get him out of my life. I am so diasppointed in him...so so so disappointed.


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## lostnbroken (Aug 21, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> Yes, you can refer all communication to your lawyer. Do it. No reason to punish yourself by submitting to his immaturity any more.



That is just GREAT! I am totally going for it. It will probably save me a lot of pain and emotion......


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