# His Needs/Her Needs



## Bigsigh (Oct 26, 2009)

I'm curious. I have a question for the men. Have any of you read this book and if so, how did you feel about it? From a male perspective, is what he suggests true for men for the most part? How did you feel about the female perspective?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Bigsigh said:


> I'm curious. I have a question for the men. Have any of you read this book and if so, how did you feel about it? From a male perspective, is what he suggests true for men for the most part? How did you feel about the female perspective?


It's true enough, but don't talk about it with her.

Just do it.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

Conrad said:


> It's true enough, but don't talk about it with her.
> 
> Just do it.


Haven't read it, but I agree with this advice. Contrary to popular belief, women don't always like having "talks about us." Action trumps conversation.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Sorry for butting in, but from a female perspective I just wanted to give my 2 cents on this book. 

I think that a lot of the needs for women were accurate to a certain extent, but that they can't be overgeneralized for all women. I also think this true for the men. In discussing with my H, he'd say sexual fulfillment isn't his number one, but maybe admiration would be. I think the order will vary. But I also think that needs placed as "men's" or "women's" could certainly go on either sex's list. Isn't there a questionnaire thing at the end? If you are just wanting a general overview, it's good. And I like how there is a woman need and then a man need and they go together in a complimentary manner. Definitely helps to read how they play into each other.


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## triton1984 (Nov 20, 2009)

The book has it's good and bad points in my opinion. On one hand it opened some discussion and gave us a different perspective. But I think it also created some expectations that weren't there before, because after reading it there were a few times that she would be like "this is an example of you not meeting X need". Our marriage counselor gave us the book, but also cautioned against allowing any book to set up an expectation in how things should be. The book after all....is just one person's opinion....written to help....but also to sell more books.


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## Bigsigh (Oct 26, 2009)

Thanks for the feedback, this is what I was looking for. I was wondering if it has the potential to create more problems. I have read it, was just wondering if I should ask him to read it.

All though we are not together, we are on great terms and have been talking about past issues so who knows. 

I dont think I'll suggest it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Bigsigh said:


> Thanks for the feedback, this is what I was looking for. I was wondering if it has the potential to create more problems. I have read it, was just wondering if I should ask him to read it.
> 
> All though we are not together, we are on great terms and have been talking about past issues so who knows.
> 
> I dont think I'll suggest it.


It cannot hurt to suggest he read it.

What "can" hurt is to treat it like the Ten Commandments and argue on the basis of what "someone did or did not do" that's in disagreement with the author.


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## Bigsigh (Oct 26, 2009)

hmmmm....more to think about then. I actually do think he would get something out of this. I dont agree with everything said as far as the female part goes, although a lot of it. I also agree that it shouldnt be taken as the 100% truth. I wonder what the best approach would be in suggesting this. He is a stubborn man and doesnt like to be "told" what to do, so a soft approach is the only way.

Ideas?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

"I read this fantastic book that helped me realize many of the things I should have done better in our relationship."


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## Bigsigh (Oct 26, 2009)

That's good. I think the part that I am unsure about is if he does read it, that he may think it is gospel. How could I let him know that would not be true, while keeping it short and sweet?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Bigsigh said:


> That's good. I think the part that I am unsure about is if he does read it, that he may think it is gospel. How could I let him know that would not be true, while keeping it short and sweet?


By using humor.

"There are times when I was reading that book when it felt like 'Marriage by number'"


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I think you have to accept the book more as a guideline. Not everything that is described there will apply or work for your marriage. Harley gives some examples but there could be thousands more.


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