# Longterm recovery



## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

I'm almost 12 yrs out from D day. I'm glad to say we're still together and happy. Most of all, I'm happy with myself. I'm posting just to offer support to those who are still in the throes of recent discovery. I've been lurking here for a few years. The advice from a lot of these folks is very beneficial. Some reflect great wisdom, even in the extremes of their pain. Some reflect bitterness, which, in my experience, is something we have to cleanse from ourselves; no one else can do it for you. Sharing your pain will help. There is no one formula for success, whether you divorce or reconcile. Hang in there. Life can be good if you let it.


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## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

Care to share the details of your situation?


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## nurseV (Jan 20, 2012)

Thanks river rat. I needed that.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

The pertinent details: We were going through some rough water at that point- a young adult daughter w/ special needs and problems w/ her aging parents. She'd gone back to school for another degree- hence, the exposure to potential partners. I was in a high-stress job working 60-70 hrs a week. You can connect the dots and see where this is going. Anyway, one morning I was getting dressed for work when she came into the walk-in closet after her shower. There was a purple mark on her neck. I couldn't believe it. We'd not been intimate for a couple of weeks due to all the family stress. I pointed it out, and she just claimed that I must have put it there. There were guests in the house (her parents), so I didn't feel that I could make a scene at the time. I made all the mistakes that folks relate on this site. Went thru the denial, rug sweeping, gas lighting. Actually endured this for several years. Went through counseling, got a handle on my own problems. Came out the other side intact. It can be done.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Deleted


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

river rat said:


> I'm almost 12 yrs out from D day. I'm glad to say we're still together and happy. Most of all, I'm happy with myself. I'm posting just to offer support to those who are still in the throes of recent discovery.


You would be better served staying on your old thread learning how to recover before you start giving others advice.


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