# He won't accept its over



## t4toria (Apr 19, 2010)

This is a fairly long one. We have been together for nearly 11 years. He has a 14 year old stepdaughter who lives with us. We have been through a lot in the time we have been together, custody battle, his parents and brothers deaths, his daughters bad (way beyond the norm) behavior, his depression and psychosis (he is on road to recovery now). I have given and given to the relationship but don't feel I have ever gotten anything back. He has been abusive towards me about where I come from and he has been aggressive in the past when drunk and has hurt me (he now limits himself to a small amount of alcohol so that he doesn't get this way) he has been telling me for months that its over and he wants to move on and theres nothing there any more and finally we had a massive row and it was the final straw and I told him it was over. He is really angry and this always ends up being taken out on me, when his daughter misbehaves I get yelled at, when I found out I was pregnant last year he was horrified and when I miscarried he was not at all supportive.

I no longer want it to work and want to move on, be on my own for the first time and eventually find someone who appreciates me for myself. He wont accept it, keeps telling me he wont throw away 11 years and that he is sorry and loves me wants to give it another try but my heart is not in it any more. I feel terrible for making him cry and he is very upset but I don't feel I can carry on in a relationship where Im not happy and even if he changes its too late, emotionally I have moved on... How do I get hm to understand this?


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

He won't get the reality until you are actually gone. My guess is you'll have to be the one to leave. I hope that you have somewhere you can go. Have you filed for divorce? I honestly believe that until you are physically gone from his life he won't stop trying to change your mind. He may not even stop then, right away. Just stick to your guns if you're absolutely sure there's no way to fix it.


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## daisykay (Mar 17, 2010)

I am in the same boat, kinda. my husband and I have been together for 10 years and we have 2 girls. I have been the one in depression, but his parents ahve both passed. I have tried and tried for this relationship, and he has too, but I jsut want out and be alone. I don't believe I will recover until I am alone, but he will not accept it. Says the same thing, he will not throw away 10 years and have his kids grow up with step parents like he did. I have come to the realisation that I have to leave, he won't. I am driving home to my parents this weekend to talk to them about what I can do, but they aren't close. So, who knows. But I do think nothing will happen until you leave. 

Good luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are you living in a separate home? You need to.

Once you are moved out, give him a list of things he would have to change before you would ever consider him again - 2 years of intensive therapy, anger management class, etc.

If he really loves you (which I doubt), he would do everything on the list. If not, he'll give up and walk away.


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## 13yrs3kids (Apr 28, 2010)

Hi, I'm on the opposite side of this, My wife wants out we have 3 small children and been married 13 yrs. I neglected her and the kids for a long time. NOT totally neglected, but in her eyes it was enough to make her want to end the marriage. we are currently living together and kinda in limbo. She said she hasn't felt love for me for many years now but was never able to tell me till now. So for me it is very difficult to come to terms with. I have made changes to everything I can at this point (can't show her my affection because she is so angry at this time) I'm helping with the kids like never before. My other main issue was time on the computer..She felt I chose the PC over her and in many ways I did. I have changed. its been a short time but i will keep up what I am doing. I'm trying to stay positive and hope that eventually she will see something in me once again we are going to start counseling very soon, she didn't want to go but finally agreed to come with me, I started going by myself. I love her so much and I'm angry she never made me aware of my issues before and now she is not really giving me a chance. I'm old fashioned in that I took my marriage vows seriously and believe that better or worse means what it says. So I will not give up on her even though she has given up on me. The easy way out is to give up. I'm feel i have the all the weight on my back at this point and I'm not complaining as I did make mistakes. In the end I'm trying to stay positive and I need to do everything I can to work things out. I know I can not make her stay or love me. But I can show her change and if in the end things don't work out at least i can say I did everything I could. We will be forever connected by our children. I pray that things will work out and we will once again be a family (A happy healthy loving family). I wish you guys the best


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