# Never thought it would happen



## 6greenfrogs (Oct 12, 2011)

Briefly, as this is my first time to a forum like this. Six mos. ago I left my husband after two years of marriage. This is a second marriage for both of us. We've known each other five years. Three years in I saw red flags, detached, emotionally unavailable, distancing, and yes we'd taled about it and he stated that's who he is. We married any way and I hoped for the best. The distancing got worse, we had separate everything, and I felt like a room mate. I could have walked into the room buck naked and if I weren't a computer monitor or a t.v. then I didn't exist. He told me on more than several occasions that he wasn't ready for a second marriage and we had little chance of success. Since I finally got fed up and left this last May, he freely admitted to breaking my spirit, neglecting me and our relationship. He also says he is willing to do whatever it takes to mend the relationship. However, the saddest part is that when I left I got into a room mate situation, I couldn't survive any other way, my room mate was a friend from years ago and now he and I have fallen in love. My husband was a six figure guy and I left asking only for my car, laptop and my personal belongings. I asked nor will I ask for anything else at all, as it is not worth it to me. Well, way way long story short, my husband knows nothing of my room mate and me and is now sending me emails with all the things I always wanted to hear from him, how much I mean to him, how he loves and adores me, how he realizes what he did was wrong and how sorry he is. Now, I feel it's too late to fix. If only he'd realized these things a year ago. I don't really miss him because of the heart ache and loneliness that accompanied that relationship,but I now feel sadness for him because he really is too late. It's not about an issue of forgiveness or non forgiveness, it's simply that if the truth sets us free, the truth is that it's too late for he and I and I don't know how to tell him without feeling guilty and sad for him. ???????????


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

6greenfrogs said:


> It's not about an issue of forgiveness or non forgiveness, it's simply that if the truth sets us free, the truth is that it's too late for he and I and I don't know how to tell him without feeling guilty and sad for him. ???????????


Ok. So what you need to do is tell him straight up you are done with the marriage, want a divorce, and have fallen in love with someone else.

Be honest. 

Because gaslighting someone and stringing them along is quite possible the coldest thing you can do to someone.

So be upfront, own that you want out and that it's too late for you two. Then take the appropriate measures to terminate your marriage. 

Problem resolved.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Ok. So what you need to do is tell him straight up you are done with the marriage, want a divorce, and have fallen in love with someone else.
> 
> Be honest.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:


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## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Ok. So what you need to do is tell him straight up you are done with the marriage, want a divorce, and have fallen in love with someone else.
> 
> Be honest.
> 
> ...


Being honest with no hidden agenda? Dang, is that legal?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Quite.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Jelly is right. You should have been honest with your husband all along. The good news is that it's never too late to be honest.

Tell your husband that you've had a boyfriend for a while and that you don't love him any more. Divorce will hurt him. But what will hurt him worse is divorce after making a fool of himself by begging you to come back.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

6greenfrogs said:


> Briefly, as this is my first time to a forum like this. Six mos. ago I left my husband after two years of marriage. This is a second marriage for both of us. We've known each other five years. Three years in I saw red flags, detached, emotionally unavailable, distancing, and yes we'd taled about it and he stated that's who he is. We married any way and I hoped for the best. The distancing got worse, we had separate everything, and I felt like a room mate. I could have walked into the room buck naked and if I weren't a computer monitor or a t.v. then I didn't exist. He told me on more than several occasions that he wasn't ready for a second marriage and we had little chance of success. *Since I finally got fed up and left this last May, he freely admitted to breaking my spirit, neglecting me and our relationship. He also says he is willing to do whatever it takes to mend the relationship. However, the saddest part is that when I left I got into a room mate situation, I couldn't survive any other way, my room mate was a friend from years ago and now he and I have fallen in love. *My husband was a six figure guy and I left asking only for my car, laptop and my personal belongings. I asked nor will I ask for anything else at all, as it is not worth it to me. Well, way way long story short, my husband knows nothing of my room mate and me and is now sending me emails with all the things I always wanted to hear from him, how much I mean to him, how he loves and adores me, how he realizes what he did was wrong and how sorry he is. Now, I feel it's too late to fix. *If only he'd realized these things a year ago.* I don't really miss him because of the heart ache and loneliness that accompanied that relationship,but I now feel sadness for him because he really is too late. It's not about an issue of forgiveness or non forgiveness, it's simply that if the truth sets us free, the truth is that it's too late for he and I and I don't know how to tell him without feeling guilty and sad for him. ???????????



I guess I'm a little confused.... did your Husband want to mend things right away when you left 6 months ago or has it taken him 6 months to feel this way? If it's taken him 6 months to try and fix things, then it's understandable that you could've fallen in love with someone else during this time apart. 

However, if your Husband was trying to reconcile right away, then he may wonder if you were already in a romantic relationship with your roommate when you moved out. Otherwise, why wouldn't you try to reconcile before it was "too late" and you fell for someone else? I admit, the idea you were already in an EA with your roommate prior to leaving your husband was the first thing that popped into my head when reading your post. Not saying you were, but I thought it. Your husband may think it too depending on how things have been between you before and since you left.

You say "if only he realized these things a year ago"... what about 6 months ago? Did he express himself when you left? Why was it already too late? These are some things that will go through his mind, so be prepared to answer.

Regardless, you need to be 100% honest with your husband. He deserves the entire truth or he'll try to fill in the blanks himself, which can be even worse.


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

You try to make your H out to be a bad guy in all this, but I can't quite see that at least from your description of him. Any failing in M is 50/50, I believe. Now, upon moving out still married to him, you moved into a place with a male roommate? And, since has fallen in love with him? Is it EA first or PA first? Sorry to sound cynical, but come on. You are not exactly the victim or the good guy here. 

Just because you separated, it does not mean your H is OK with you sleeping around, no? Or, was it discussed before you moved out? 

I just don't like such one-sided narration of your M, as if to justify your affair and describe your H as this pathetic moron kissing your ass oblivious to what you have been upto all this time.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

6greenfrogs said:


> Briefly, as this is my first time to a forum like this. Six mos. ago I left my husband after two years of marriage. This is a second marriage for both of us. We've known each other five years. Three years in I saw red flags, detached, emotionally unavailable, distancing, and yes we'd taled about it and he stated that's who he is. We married any way and I hoped for the best. The distancing got worse, we had separate everything, and I felt like a room mate. I could have walked into the room buck naked and if I weren't a computer monitor or a t.v. then I didn't exist. He told me on more than several occasions that he wasn't ready for a second marriage and we had little chance of success. Since I finally got fed up and left this last May, he freely admitted to breaking my spirit, neglecting me and our relationship. He also says he is willing to do whatever it takes to mend the relationship. However, the saddest part is that when I left I got into a room mate situation, I couldn't survive any other way, my room mate was a friend from years ago and now he and I have fallen in love. My husband was a six figure guy and I left asking only for my car, laptop and my personal belongings. I asked nor will I ask for anything else at all, as it is not worth it to me. Well, way way long story short, my husband knows nothing of my room mate and me and is now sending me emails with all the things I always wanted to hear from him, how much I mean to him, how he loves and adores me, how he realizes what he did was wrong and how sorry he is. Now, I feel it's too late to fix. If only he'd realized these things a year ago. I don't really miss him because of the heart ache and loneliness that accompanied that relationship,but I now feel sadness for him because he really is too late. It's not about an issue of forgiveness or non forgiveness, it's simply that if the truth sets us free, the truth is that it's too late for he and I and I don't know how to tell him without feeling guilty and sad for him. ???????????



Be honest. Room mate or not the fact is you left your husband and moved in with another man.


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