# Lost



## jldc (Jun 10, 2011)

Today is week three, post- declaration by my husband, that he wants a divorce. I am so confused and fustrated by this news, we have a two year old son and I never imagined being a single mom. We have been married for 15 years and struggled to have a child. By the grace of God and the tremendous job of our IVF physicians we were successful and have a precious little miracle. Now that we are finally a family he is choosing to leave. He said he is unhappy and has been for years, he loves me but is not in love with me. He has moved out, but continues to come over every day to spend a few hours with our son. I still love him as I did from the start. How do I turn off my feelings and move on with this divorce as though I no longer love him. My instinct is to keep pleeding with him to take me back and each time seems to push him further away. He feels that the intimacy is gone and it is to late to try and fix things. He says no amount of counseling or advice frome anyone will make him change his mind. It is over for him and he just wants out. Can anyone give me any kind of advice or insight?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

There usually is someone else when you get that dodge out of a spouse.

Start preparing to protect yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jldc (Jun 10, 2011)

It's funny you should say that. We had it out today, because I found a woman's name on his recieved calls list on his phone. He has denied that there is anyone else or ever has been and insists that this woman is a "friend" only. And made me out to be the bad guy for accusing him of anything other wise. I may be despirate, but am I being stupid by believing him when he says this?


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

JL,
Sorry for your pain. You are in good company. You will learn alot if you read the posts in the infidelity forum. I sure did. I think mich is probably going to be right, unfortunately. 

If H has decided on divorce, do protect yourself--he is no longer a safe person for you to trust, and he's not looking out for your best interests. Is there a divorce support group in your area? Check community resources or churches. THese people are going through it too, and can give you good pointers. Search ending the affair on this site, and the 180. Very informative. Remember there are good people on here that are rooting for you. Really sorry--hugs and a prayer 4 u tonight. And yes, don't believe him. Be stealthy and get the facts.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It sounds like he may be having an affair. The quick way he wants out, re-writing your marital history, him saying he's not happy and ILYBINILWY and the phone # you saw on his call list and the cheaters' anthem "she's just a friend." Find out the truth if you can't but don't tell him you're researching it. Do you know the # or the woman??? Do not tell him you're looking into this. 

You're right. You can't just "turn off" your feelings. Mya dvice is to stop hanging out with him. From now on, only discuss the divorce and co-parenting.

You already know begging and pleading ahs the opposite effect you want it to so...stop. 

If he wants out, open up the door and let him go. You have to do a 180. Don't call him, contact him. Act as if you're moving on.

Never chase after someone who's running away from you.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

Did you notice that he wasn't happy? 

How long have you too been distant before he asked for the divorce?


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## simba2011 (Jun 20, 2011)

He is having an affair. I got the same crap "I love you as the mother of our children" but ..."I'm not in love with you." WTF does that mean anyway. I've been married 22 years and boy oh boy we are going through hell after his multiple adultrous emotional and/or physical affairs. My husband once said to me that we never had a "real marriage." What the hell is a real marriage. The more you push, the more he will run. Your young, take that bastard to court and get all you can for you and your child.


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## Wishful Thinking1 (Jun 20, 2011)

I agree with the other post. He probably has found some one else and it probably has been going on for some time. Think about that get mad don't be hurt. Move on life's to short. You will find some one else.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

You don't need someone else. Find you, find a lawyer, the new better life will eventually come. He may or may not regret his decisions one day, but that's not your problem.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

jldc said:


> It's funny you should say that. We had it out today, because I found a woman's name on his recieved calls list on his phone. He has denied that there is anyone else or ever has been and insists that this woman is a "friend" only. And made me out to be the bad guy for accusing him of anything other wise. I may be despirate, but am I being stupid by believing him when he says this?


I just want to say I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have been there, we all have. When they say someone is "just a friend" or "friend only" that is about one of the biggest red flags you can have. Not only is that flag huge, red and waving all around but it's flashing and making a warning sound. My exH had himself "just a friend" for 7 months before I was able to find out the truth...they was Fvcking each other. There are classic signs that somone is being unfaithful (no cheater is ever original. They are all cut from the same mold) They will say things like "he/she is just a friend" "I dont love you anymore" "I love you but I'm not in love with you" "You dont meet my needs" "I've not been happy for awhile now" "I need some time to think" "We should try a separation" "I cant believe you dont trust me" .....they will become very protective of the other person, defending them, saying nice things about them all the while accusing you of being insecure, untrusting and jealous. They will blame shift, make the problems in the marriage your fault. You have some signs that something is defiently not right. Please prepare yourself for the worst. I really hope that's the case for you but if it is, this is a good place to be. We are all friends here and we understand.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Apple-duckling said it all, right down to the T !!
Sorry you are here .

~sammy


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> When they say someone is "just a friend" or "friend only" that is about one of the biggest red flags you can have. Not only is that flag huge, red and waving all around but it's flashing and making a warning sound.


Every single cheater says *"He/she is just a friend."*


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Get yourself the book, "More Than Just Friends". You will see in black & white what you already know in your gut.


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