# Girls and Make-up



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Going through a divorce. Oldest daughter is 12 and is ALWAYS butting heads with Mom.

So far, OUR rule has been NO MAKE-UP. Oldest D is pushing harder and harder against this rule.

I've mostly left this "rule" up to my wife given my lack of knowledge on the subject.

I seem to have primary care of the girls during the separation / divorce process - as I'm staying in the house.

This morning, odlest D put on a small amount of eye shadow (light blue stuff on her eye-lids - pardon my ignorance). It looked reasonable. She didn't over-do it like other kids sometimes do.

Regardless - the rule for now is NO MAKE-UP. So - I made her take it off.

What is reasonable for a 12 year old? Eye shadow? Liner? Blush? Remember - I barely know what this stuff is...

And also - as the *Father* who will have 50/50 custody once things are final (I pray in mid-January) - how hard to I push on issues that are just not in my area of expertise so to speak? Do I let W and D fight this out, or advocate for my D at all?


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## collegemom (Dec 7, 2011)

My daughter was conservative with her dress and makeup and still is, she's 19. But makeup is a small issue and should be treated as such. No makeup rule is extreme and with so many other things going on in her life, she is just wanting to look pretty. I took my daughter to a makeup artist and she showed her how to apply makeup, liner, etc. Don't take her to one in the mall as they are just trying to sell product. Look for one on yelp, at a waxing salon, or get a referral where she gets her hair cut. Buy her a few great products and let her experiment with makeup and her dress. It promotes self expression, confidence and she will appreciate it far more than you know.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I was not permitted to wear makeup, until I was sixteen. My parents were Hitler strict. 

By the time I was finally allowed, I lost all interest and my mother would fight with me to "put something on my face."  Confused much?

Nothing wrong with a tween wanting to look pretty, as long she is not done up like a showgirl.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I do not believe in forbidding things. When my daughter wanted to start wearing make up I took her shopping for it and showed her what little I know about applying it, and explained to her that depending on how she wore it, people would make assumptions about her. And looked up a bit on the internet with her about applying it too.

Parents who forbid things are setting up unnecessary power struggles and failures for their kids. 

Welcome to Consensual-Living.com - Home Page


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Set boundaries instead of making make up a no no. For example, no heavy make up out and about, none at school and in the house should be no heavy applications of make up.

Take her to a make up counter where she can get a free consult and be shown what is acceptable and what is not. Have the cosmetologist show her how to apply the very little that is needed to have a natural look.

Nude or natural looks are the new in thing these days. Lip gloss or lip stains are in these days too rather than all out deep bright colors. Have the cosmetologist talk to her about natural make ups versus the chemical ones and what they can do to the body.

You could always tell her what mascara is made of...lol... bat crap. Yup that's right, mascara is made out of guano (bat poo) that is sterilized in the factory and then chemicals added (additives, preservatives, coloring, etc). In the end it's still bat poo poo though...unless it's plant sourced like soy based mascara (expensive stuff, 32 dollars for Emani's mascara and it's a small container).


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> I do not believe in forbidding things. When my daughter wanted to start wearing make up I took her shopping for it and showed her what little I know about applying it, and explained to her that depending on how she wore it, people would make assumptions about her. And looked up a bit on the internet with her about applying it too.
> 
> Parents who forbid things are setting up unnecessary power struggles and failures for their kids.
> 
> Welcome to Consensual-Living.com - Home Page


I would like to add that being too strict causes dishonesty and rebellion. My brothers and me just became really good at hiding things.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Well the rule with my daughter ( she is 11 and is asking) is no make up until High School. I see some of friends with it on and imo they look like clowns. Wayyyyyyy over done.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Makeup Tips Place

A site for her with lots of tips and even tips for a natural look with very little make up needed. Maybe you can sit down with her and discuss it with her.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

I couldn't wear makeup (eye stuff) until 13. My daughter has the same rule, but even at 12, she says she hates makeup lol I believe her too. She's my little hippie boho chick


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I thought I was pretty conservative. Our rule was eye shadow and lip gloss at 12. Lipstick blusher eye/lip liner at 16. We bought their first stuff for them. (trying to remember when we allowed mascara). We had very little rebellion or over doing it. One daughter likes very large earrings to this day. 

M N


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

I allow my own daughters to start with makeup at around that age.
I tell them they can wear lip stuff and neutral shadow at first and then as they ask for other stuff (eyeliner, foundation), I address it as it is requested.

You should let the mom have the final say though. Don't police it at your home but tell your daughter you want her mom to be the boss on this since she is a woman. K?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

joe kidd said:


> Well the rule with my daughter ( she is 11 and is asking) is no make up until High School. I see some of friends with it on and imo they look like clowns. Wayyyyyyy over done.


I figured I would rather have my daughter looking like a clown at the same time as everyone else, not a year or two or three later when the other girls had gained the experience to use make up more conservatively and she hadn't. Peer pressure is a far better moderator of make up than parental pressure.

I have never understood parents who freak over make up. My boys and daughter used to ask me to paint their nails when they were little, so I did. Why not?!? My daughter had play make up when she was about 4.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

I will say that my daughter's middle school has a no makeup policy. So she can't wear it to school anyway even if she wanted to.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> I have never understood parents who freak over make up. My boys and daughter used to ask me to paint their nails when they were little, so I did. Why not?!? My daughter had play make up when she was about 4.


:iagree:

I just think moms or some other woman should help a young teen learn HOW to put on makeup. What to use, how to use it, how much is appropriate for different situations, etc. My mom taught me and I went from there...


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Darkhorse said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I just think moms or some other woman should help a young teen learn HOW to put on makeup. What to use, how to use it, how much is appropriate for different situations, etc. My mom taught me and I went from there...


So - for the most part, people seem to think some very light make-up - if done well - isn't so bad.

If she hadn't blatantly disregarded a rule by trying to sneak some on this morning, it would be a lot easier for me to consider a talk with mom on her behalf.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> I figured I would rather have my daughter looking like a clown at the same time as everyone else, not a year or two or three later when the other girls had gained the experience to use make up more conservatively and she hadn't. Peer pressure is a far better moderator of make up than parental pressure.
> 
> I have never understood parents who freak over make up. My boys and daughter used to ask me to paint their nails when they were little, so I did. Why not?!? My daughter had play make up when she was about 4.


If that works for you that's great. As far as peer pressure goes...I'd rather she not be one of the sheep. Her mother and older sisters will teach her when the time comes. It's not a matter of "freaking out". It's a matter of why in the hell should they grow up so fast. IMO there is no reason for an eleven year old girl to wear makeup. Experience is relative. 14 is her age to put it on.


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## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Almost every girl sneaks makeup. I was stupid and snuck it but the nuns would make me wash it off LOL I was not the brightest kid, as I tried this a few times (8th grade).

It's not something to freak out about though. Just reiterate that it's just not time yet.  No big deal. She has a lifetime to wear makeup.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Darkhorse said:


> Almost every girl sneaks makeup. I was stupid and snuck it but the nuns would make me wash it off LOL I was not the brightest kid, as I tried this a few times (8th grade).
> 
> It's not something to freak out about though. Just reiterate that it's just not time yet.  No big deal. She has a lifetime to wear makeup.


My oldest used to sneak it. I didn't go off on her about it. I played dumb alot. LOL


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

Maybe try to meet her in the middle. If she wants to to wear say eyeshadow, liner, lip stick and mascara, tell her she can choose 2 out of the four, or one out of three. She just wants to look pretty, not that she isn't already pretty, but she notices boys looking at the pretty girls and wants that herself. Most importantly, tell her how beautiful she is inside and out even with no make-up on, she may roll her eyes at first but you will have touched her heart forever. I never forgot that my dad said that to me.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I was wearing eyeshadow at 13 - it looked ridiculous and I was one of the only ones wearing makeup then. I was always experimenting with my look. At one time, I had considered being a professional makeup artist. 

My mom drew the line with some things but would provide me with the freedom to pursue them in a different way. For example, I wanted to dye one side of my brunette hair, to be blonde (it was the 80s/90s!). She refused and instead got me some colored hairspray to experiment with on the weekend. 

I think a bit of light makeup to experiment is fine. 

When I was 16, I was trialling different full-makeup looks (although not caked-on). I had books about makeup and was obsessed with pop stars. I think it's just a part of growing up. I wore makeup to school. I remember a particular lipstick color that I LOVED. A deep crimson. The principal saw me and called me to her office. She handed me a tissue and told me to remove it. She said it was too bold for school. I apologized. On the way out of her office, she stopped to ask me the name of the lipstick as she agreed it was a great color. She chuckled and said she'd be getting one. I'm not saying I don't cringe when I see photos from back then - but it's what I was drawn to and just part of my growing up.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Darkhorse said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I just think moms or some other woman should help a young teen learn HOW to put on makeup. What to use, how to use it, how much is appropriate for different situations, etc. My mom taught me and I went from there...


My mom rarely wears makeup. She'd never even waxed her legs until I did it for her. This was not her strong point. By the time I was 18 and had my look figured out, I was the one giving _her_ makeup tips. 

My friends were good sports. They'd come over on weekends, and I'd give them a "make-over" ....colored hair spray, the works. They of course loved it but thinking back, goodness knows what their parents must have thought hahah. 

I agree that if mom or a cosmetic consultant could show her some tips that would be useful.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I guess I need a better understanding of why STBXW feels its too soon.

Sometimes I feel like she's too indifferent and finds it easier to say"no" than to take the time and work with our D on things like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I was never allowed to wear makeup growing up, not even in high school. It's a bit over the top and my mother was very controlling to say the least. I'm not exactly sure what her reasonings were, but I had a job at the age of 13 working on the weekends as a waitress and dishwasher in a very small restaurant. I bought my own makeup and wore it behind my mothers back. I had terrible acne, which I was getting teased at school. My parents refused to take me for the medicine, yet they took my brother. I did use his special bar soap, but that was it. I used foundation and powder to cover up the acne. I did use a little eye shadow too, not too much. I always washed it off before returning home.

Now that I have my own girls, the oldest 17, we do allow her to wear make up. She was 12-13 when we allowed foundation, little eye shadow and mascara. No eye liner until a few years later. The eyeliner can not be too heavy and raccoon like. We did make her wash off the heavy eye liner in the beginning, but eventually she caught on. I don't see the big deal as long as it's not caked on. The better the brand, the better it looks. I don't allow her to use mine. My daughter mostly buys her own, even the cheap makeup is expensive. 

We also allowed shaving legs at 12 years old. This was also a pretty big deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

My older sister and I were never forbidden to wear make-up. She became interested in wearing make-up by middle school. I did not become interested until starting high school. Before then, putting on make-up took way more time than I wanted to invest. LOL!!! We had to use our own money (allowance, birthday, etc…) to purchase make-up. 

If my mom did not like how it was applied or the color, she had no qualms letting us know. Swore I would never use the approach my mom did the first time I attempted to wear black eyeliner, which was one of the things my mom truly disliked about make-up. One morning I was in the bathroom getting ready for school and my sister was in another. While applying a light amount of black eye liner, just like my older sister had been wearing, my mother walked by and stated, "Putting that black stuff around your eyes huh? Going to look like you walk the streets along with your sister." My mouth just dropped. My sister yelled from the other bathroom, "Hey!!!! I heard that!!!" Which was my moms intention.

I recall the girls in school who were not permitted to wear make-up by their parents. Many of them would put make-up on when they got to school. These same girls would be washing their faces in the bathrooms when school was let out. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I think that the "old school" rule of thumb for most parents was no make up until 16. I think now a days, it's high school.

16 was my rule when growing up, although my (older) sister tired to push it many times. Finally when she was in high school, she was allowed for afterschool functions (Ie, homecoming, cheering for games, etc) but not in school. 

By sophmore year, she was allowed whenever she wanted. (She was pretty close to 16). Then when I started highschool..(14) it was a non-issue. Sis had already broken the mold/barrier. I asked mom once, & she said... I was in high school. If i wanted to buy & use makeup, that was my choice. She knew I was much more mature/responsible than my sister was.

I do think that 12 is a bit young. I think telling her to wash it off (even though it did not look bad/overdone) was a good thing. Not for the issue of make up, but for the issue of having a rule and sticking to it. 

I'd ask her if she has a boyfriend & is that why she wanted to wear it?? (it's the issue of why they WANT to break that rule that is most important). Or was she just "doing what all the other girls are doing". then you could warn her about being a sheep.


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