# The Story Continues... need final advice.



## MarriedLovingSaved (8 mo ago)

Hi All - I expect a lot of the same responses from my other post about my Separation/Divorce situation - I have finally grew a backbone, cut all communication ties with her and just want a little more advice. Just to update since my last post a few months ago - my wife and I tried to reconcile and put a little effort in however, it eventually fell off. We have not physically seen each other since pre July 4th as we have both been back and fourth between the beach and vacations. She officially moved back into her parents however, she has lingered around the home (pre July 4th) . Around the end of June she came over and freaked out that I rearranged things in the house (to my liking, example toaster on the counter and moved a plant off the counter for it). She screamed that she put so much effort into the home decor and I am running it - I told her she doesn't even live here anymore, and her response it doesn't matter until papers are signed its still her home.. A few weeks ago she stayed her to feed her cats while I was at the beach for a weekend - she went through all of my stuff in my office, and sent me photos of things she didn't like (like a pair of underwear I bought a year ago to spice things up that I forgot I even had). Additionally she sent me a photo of a marriage certificate copy I ordered from the state since ours was never officially stamped (I did this as pre-prep for the possibility of divorce since she still talks to that guy from my previous posts). I was pissed she went through all my stuff, including my closets and sent me photos of stuff. After she did this- I just told her the truth and really started to pull away as I have no time for this back and fourth (the truth is I ordered as pre-prep since we didn't have a stamped one - our original copy was never sealed). Then this week, I went on vacation so she said she wanted to stay to watch the cats again, I just got home today and I noticed she rearranged all the stuff in the house back to her liking, did extensive cleaning (house was clean) and even moved our coffee station (why?) - but the one thing I noticed was she took our original marriage certificates, her social security cards and birth certificate out of our safe. This annoyed me as I no longer want her in the house, as I don't know what else she took. lastly, while I was gone she had her mom over here for a few hours for breakfast the one day and even let her little sister and her boyfriend hang out here for a few hours when no-one was home 'to see the cats' - she never told me they were coming and all of my stuff is in this house! I have not talked to anyone in her family for like over a month, so this came across as odd to me. Has anyone been in this situation before? Every time I tell her about something with the house, she throws it is her house to - so when I tell her I no longer want her here even when I am away she is going to start a war about it being her house to. SHE CHOSE TO MOVE BACK TO HER PARENTS HOUSE and leave the house. I don't want to change the locks, but how do I tell her she can't come here anymore? Am I even allowed to do that?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If she’s not paying towards rent or a mortgage then you should change the locks but check with your lawyer first.
Get someone else to look after the cats.
Oh and throw out that ****ing video doorbell.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

change the locks any way , the rest will depend on divorce laws in your area and how long and what each paid in and xxx , I don't know how long divorce will take


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

MarriedLovingSaved said:


> Am I even allowed to do that?



have you consulted with a lawyer yet? if not, why not, what are you waiting for?


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Like others here have said, check with your lawyer if you have one. You could even contact the police department and they will let you know. Is her name on the lease/mortgage? They'll ask stuff like does she get mail there etc.. You may have to give an "eviction notice" for the sake of legality.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

MarriedLovingSaved said:


> Hi All - I expect a lot of the same responses from my other post about my Separation/Divorce situation - I have finally grew a backbone, cut all communication ties with her and just want a little more advice. Just to update since my last post a few months ago - my wife and I tried to reconcile and put a little effort in however, it eventually fell off. We have not physically seen each other since pre July 4th as we have both been back and fourth between the beach and vacations. She officially moved back into her parents however, she has lingered around the home (pre July 4th) . Around the end of June she came over and freaked out that I rearranged things in the house (to my liking, example toaster on the counter and moved a plant off the counter for it). She screamed that she put so much effort into the home decor and I am running it - I told her she doesn't even live here anymore, and her response it doesn't matter until papers are signed its still her home.. A few weeks ago she stayed her to feed her cats while I was at the beach for a weekend - she went through all of my stuff in my office, and sent me photos of things she didn't like (like a pair of underwear I bought a year ago to spice things up that I forgot I even had). Additionally she sent me a photo of a marriage certificate copy I ordered from the state since ours was never officially stamped (I did this as pre-prep for the possibility of divorce since she still talks to that guy from my previous posts). I was pissed she went through all my stuff, including my closets and sent me photos of stuff. After she did this- I just told her the truth and really started to pull away as I have no time for this back and fourth (the truth is I ordered as pre-prep since we didn't have a stamped one - our original copy was never sealed). Then this week, I went on vacation so she said she wanted to stay to watch the cats again, I just got home today and I noticed she rearranged all the stuff in the house back to her liking, did extensive cleaning (house was clean) and even moved our coffee station (why?) - but the one thing I noticed was she took our original marriage certificates, her social security cards and birth certificate out of our safe. This annoyed me as I no longer want her in the house, as I don't know what else she took. lastly, while I was gone she had her mom over here for a few hours for breakfast the one day and even let her little sister and her boyfriend hang out here for a few hours when no-one was home 'to see the cats' - she never told me they were coming and all of my stuff is in this house! I have not talked to anyone in her family for like over a month, so this came across as odd to me. Has anyone been in this situation before? Every time I tell her about something with the house, she throws it is her house to - so when I tell her I no longer want her here even when I am away she is going to start a war about it being her house to. SHE CHOSE TO MOVE BACK TO HER PARENTS HOUSE and leave the house. I don't want to change the locks, but how do I tell her she can't come here anymore? Am I even allowed to do that?


Change the locks and if you are going out of town put any important documents where she cannot access them. When will the divorce be final? 

Tell your lawyer about all of this too -- especially having people you do not want there in your home.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

If the genders were reversed, many might suggest a restraining order because what she’s doing is stalkerish behavior, honestly. Just because she’s a woman, who sounds unhinged by the way, doesn’t mean she won’t act out and hurt you. She sounds like she’s not taking your cold shoulder too well, so I echo getting the locks changed (if your attorney okays it). You don’t need to live afraid of her, or constantly dealing with her tantrums anymore.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Some of these posts hit so close to home for me.. like this one. My exH changed the locks on me when I was away (He was in CA and I was in FL at the time) and removed me from the lease claiming it was so I wasnt responsible for the rent, filed a restraining order twice (both were dropped) and I was not even around.. also not acting how the OPs wife is... 

Whatever you do OP.. make sure it's done legally. I had to call the cops to make sure it was ok that I stepped foot into my own home just to be able to sleep until I could beg people for a place to live.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Stop telling her when you are going away. Get someone else to feed the cats.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Works said:


> Some of these posts hit so close to home for me.. like this one. My exH changed the locks on me when I was away (He was in CA and I was in FL at the time) and removed me from the lease claiming it was so I wasnt responsible for the rent, filed a restraining order twice (both were dropped) and I was not even around.. also not acting how the OPs wife is...
> 
> Whatever you do OP.. make sure it's done legally. I had to call the cops to make sure it was ok that I stepped foot into my own home just to be able to sleep until I could beg people for a place to live.


In your case, your ex husband sounds like he was the problem. 

I agree that the OP should make sure everything he does in reaction to his wife is done legally. But he should ask what his options are.

It’s sad though that being married to someone can give them a license to do things we wouldn’t accept from strangers.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> In your case, your ex husband sounds like he was the problem.
> 
> I agree that the OP should make sure everything he does in reaction to his wife is done legally. But he should ask what his options are.
> 
> It’s sad though that being married to someone can give them a license to do things we wouldn’t accept from strangers.


It's taken me 3 years since my ordeal to finally tell myself it wasn't me.. today was the first time in a while I got sad over what happened when I came across this post about locks.

I agree with that 100%.. the OP needs to see what all of his options are. She may be upto no good coming around like that.

It truly is very sad how much we accept... or allow ourselves to accept while covering our eyes.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Works said:


> It's taken me 3 years since my ordeal to finally tell myself it wasn't me.. today was the first time in a while I got sad over what happened when I came across this post about locks.
> 
> I agree with that 100%.. the OP needs to see what all of his options are. She may be upto no good coming around like that.
> 
> It truly is very sad how much we accept... or allow ourselves to accept while covering our eyes.


I’m in a good marriage but I dated a few horrible men before my husband, and to your point, I think what is difficult is that you loved this person at one point and he loved you. Your mind has moved on but the heart takes time, and I’m sorry you’ve been through such an ordeal. Love shouldn’t feel that way.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MarriedLovingSaved said:


> Hi All - I expect a lot of the same responses from my other post about my Separation/Divorce situation - I have finally grew a backbone, cut all communication ties with her and just want a little more advice. Just to update since my last post a few months ago - my wife and I tried to reconcile and put a little effort in however, it eventually fell off. We have not physically seen each other since pre July 4th as we have both been back and fourth between the beach and vacations. She officially moved back into her parents however, she has lingered around the home (pre July 4th) . Around the end of June she came over and freaked out that I rearranged things in the house (to my liking, example toaster on the counter and moved a plant off the counter for it). She screamed that she put so much effort into the home decor and I am running it - I told her she doesn't even live here anymore, and her response it doesn't matter until papers are signed its still her home.. A few weeks ago she stayed her to feed her cats while I was at the beach for a weekend - she went through all of my stuff in my office, and sent me photos of things she didn't like (like a pair of underwear I bought a year ago to spice things up that I forgot I even had). Additionally she sent me a photo of a marriage certificate copy I ordered from the state since ours was never officially stamped (I did this as pre-prep for the possibility of divorce since she still talks to that guy from my previous posts). I was pissed she went through all my stuff, including my closets and sent me photos of stuff. After she did this- I just told her the truth and really started to pull away as I have no time for this back and fourth (the truth is I ordered as pre-prep since we didn't have a stamped one - our original copy was never sealed). Then this week, I went on vacation so she said she wanted to stay to watch the cats again, I just got home today and I noticed she rearranged all the stuff in the house back to her liking, did extensive cleaning (house was clean) and even moved our coffee station (why?) - but the one thing I noticed was she took our original marriage certificates, her social security cards and birth certificate out of our safe. This annoyed me as I no longer want her in the house, as I don't know what else she took. lastly, while I was gone she had her mom over here for a few hours for breakfast the one day and even let her little sister and her boyfriend hang out here for a few hours when no-one was home 'to see the cats' - she never told me they were coming and all of my stuff is in this house! I have not talked to anyone in her family for like over a month, so this came across as odd to me. Has anyone been in this situation before? Every time I tell her about something with the house, she throws it is her house to - so when I tell her I no longer want her here even when I am away she is going to start a war about it being her house to. SHE CHOSE TO MOVE BACK TO HER PARENTS HOUSE and leave the house. I don't want to change the locks, but how do I tell her she can't come here anymore? Am I even allowed to do that?


You surely have an attorney by now to ask about these things. It is still half her house isn't it? She's not living there so she was wrong to come and rearrange again but as far as I know it's still half her house just going by the law of averages.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> I’m in a good marriage but I dated a few horrible men before my husband, and to your point, I think what is difficult is that you loved this person at one point and he loved you. Your mind has moved on but the heart takes time, and I’m sorry you’ve been through such an ordeal. Love shouldn’t feel that way.


I was a mere "child" with low self-confidence and the rest of the self one should've had.. But now I know better. 😀 

Love is loving yourself first.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

The stuff she took was hers. You are not allowed to hold her birth certificate or social security card hostage. Put the other stuff back & talk to your lawyer about changing the locks. Problem solved.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She’ll keep this up as long as you let her.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

OP is asking questions that his lawyer should easily answer. I fear he hasn’t seen one, and he’s allowing his ex to manipulate and in my opinion, hoping she will come back to stay. Give her the darn cats and her stuff. If those cats are “your babies and you just can’t part with them”, then there’s not much left I can help you with.


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## MarriedLovingSaved (8 mo ago)

I have talked to a lawyer before July 1st, but never filed anything. My state requires 6 months of separation before divorce can be filed. I will reach out Monday to discuss what is going on


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

It will vary by locale, but when my friend separated last year, she still had full access to the house, which she then got 75% of since he's the one who should have moved and wasn't cooperating with anything. She didn't move by choice. She had to move because he wouldn't, to take a minor out of the house.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Make sure you’re the one who files. Yes, you’ll have to pay the filing fee but you’ll also control the process. If you wait for her to file, she can dismiss it at any point and then you have to start over.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

set up camera in the house and i would tell her she is not allowed in the house wihtout you being there


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## MarriedLovingSaved (8 mo ago)

I set a camera up in my office and she unplugged it when she started staying here. She actually came to visit a month ago or so and screamed at me for having an indoor camera saying she said no indoor cameras in our house because people hack them... I said I don't care Im the one living here and she unplugged it when I went to the gym and put it in the closet - I just decided to move it to my office instead - where she still, unplugged it instead of just shutting my office door...


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## MarriedLovingSaved (8 mo ago)

She came over last night for dinner and she requested a divorce - I agreed however, she wants to get a mediator instead of lawyers (cause she is broke) and does not want anything that isn't fair, she does not want alimony, health care, or anything except a house buyout, her car changed to her name and a split of everything in the home.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

While she is wanting out at all costs to pursue whomever or whatever, I passionately encourage you to get the papers drawn up TODAY. Don’t let your attorney delay you. They can have their paralegal draw all this crap up with cut and paste literally in a few minutes. 
Wjen you tell what she said to a good attorneythat’s not trying to screw you, they will understand the sense of urgency and act accordingly.

what she says now will CHANGE. Act now. Now. NOW. Please. I can’t stress the importance of doing it right now enough.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> Act now. Now. NOW. Please. I can’t stress the importance of doing it right now enough.


This. follow through as expedited as possible. Nonetheless, keep your lawyer in retainer. You never know what she'll do next, so be prepared and ready.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Quit dragging your feet and end it.


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## MarriedLovingSaved (8 mo ago)

Divorce has been filed - I found out while I was away on vacation she had an appraiser in the home without telling me and got the entire house appraised.. the house was appraised 100k over what we purchased it for in 2020. Now I am in a situation of trying to figure out how to buy her out of the home as she wants 50k... the issue is my father who is a contractor did a complete remodel of our kitchen last August for free.. that added about 60k to the home which screwed me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MarriedLovingSaved said:


> Divorce has been filed - I found out while I was away on vacation she had an appraiser in the home without telling me and got the entire house appraised.. the house was appraised 100k over what we purchased it for in 2020. Now I am in a situation of trying to figure out how to buy her out of the home as she wants 50k... the issue is my father who is a contractor did a complete remodel of our kitchen last August for free.. that added about 60k to the home which screwed me.


Make sure you get 2 or three more valuations/apprasals.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

MarriedLovingSaved said:


> Divorce has been filed - I found out while I was away on vacation she had an appraiser in the home without telling me and got the entire house appraised.. the house was appraised 100k over what we purchased it for in 2020. Now I am in a situation of trying to figure out how to buy her out of the home as she wants 50k... the issue is my father who is a contractor did a complete remodel of our kitchen last August for free.. that added about 60k to the home which screwed me.


She is truly trying to screw you out of every dime she can. One REALLY sees true colors during a divorce. Please remember this leopard’s spots. Bravo for filing.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

MarriedLovingSaved said:


> Divorce has been filed - I found out while I was away on vacation she had an appraiser in the home without telling me and got the entire house appraised.. the house was appraised 100k over what we purchased it for in 2020. Now I am in a situation of trying to figure out how to buy her out of the home as she wants 50k... the issue is my father who is a contractor did a complete remodel of our kitchen last August for free.. that added about 60k to the home which screwed me.


Could you say you both owe your dad £60000 for the work he did on your house. That way she will owe you £30000. 

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> Could you say you both owe your dad £60000 for the work he did on your house. That way she will owe you £30000.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


Yeah, have your Dad give you a bill for the work done so that it has to be paid out.....


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