# I think i may need to leave....am I being abused?



## mommyof2boys (May 16, 2011)

i have been married for almost 4 years and with him for almost 5 ( one year dating, 4 married) We got married at the stupidly young age of 18 and 19, and had our first child within 5 days of our first anniversary. things were tough but bearable, late 2009he lost his job, due to him being late and not showing up repeatedly. I was patient. even when we got evicted, i wasn't angry. It took him 6 months to get a new job, and we had raked up a lot of debt. It happens, and i understand that. in that time period I got pregnant again and miscarried. He said 'good." when I told him. 

well, since then, things have gone progrssively down hill. He has a frightening temper, and I never know what will set him off. he yells and screams and breaks things. He threw his cell phone at me and it broke into peices on the wall because I ducked. If it had hit me it would have broke my nose for sure, it dented to wall! he blames everything on me. We are broke because i don't work ( I dod work, but daycare cost as much as I made, so it wasn't really helping, and when we tried to work opposing shifts, I discovered that he was either locking our toddler in his bedroom with a box of cereal, or dumping him off at grandparents so he could go do something else. Once, our son, while not being watched properly by my husband, got into the laundry room and ate a bunch of laundry soap. Husband was sitting on the deck smoking the whole time, never even bothered to check on him. We had to call poison control. 

he doesn't allow me to drive our car, and constantly reminds of the crappy car i had when we first married, and how much money it cost, and how stupid i was to keep fixing it. He moved me to another city, far from my parents and my friends and I have to clear leaving the house with him. If I leave the house and he finds out about it, I get yelled at. If I buy a tube of toothpaste and a bottle of tylenol without his express permission, I get yelled at for spending 'his" money. He tells people "don't listen to her, she's stupid" or 'shut up, no one cares what you think" if I try to talk to other people, and he alays has people over, and i have to entertain them. 

He complains about my cooking, which is actually quite good, other poeple say, and will often throw whole plates away without touching it, and demand I make him something else. He demands i bring him breakfast in bed. he demands sex, sometimes twice a day, while im in my third trimester. 

well I am now seven months pregnant with our second son, and he tells me repeatedly that he doesn't want it, and that he hopes I miscarry it, like it did before. Well, there were already complications with this pregnancy, and i needed an operation to save me, and the baby, due to the fact that my uterus had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. the surgery worked, the baby is fine and so am i but the bill is huge. My husband ranted and raved that it wasn't worth it, that we should have just let it die. now he refuses to prepare for the baby, wont let me buy anything for the baby, keeps me from going to prenatal appointments, and if I try to bring it up, he says odd, sly things like, "we'll see about it' as though going to the hospital is a choice. he won't select a name. Its like he is somehow planning to not have this baby, and Im not sure if that means he is planning to shove me down the stairs, or just up and leave one day. 

of course, he isn't always horrible. a good deal of the time he's patently absent. he goes out with friends all the time, or just drives around forever. and sometimes, he is good. SOmetimes he take our son out to fly kites, or brings home ice cream cones, or agrees to go on walks. Our son who is three, adores him.

the thing is, dispite this, i don't hate him. I'm leary, i'm nervous, but due to probably the fact that my entire adult life has been with him, im hesitatnt to just up and leave. for one, I have no job and am 7 months pregnant. Who will hire me? for two, what if its all just stress, which he does handle poorly, and I unnessesarily rend our family apart? I don't know what to do, but i am worried that I will somehow make the wrong choice, staying or going.


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## broken1 (May 10, 2011)

Ok, I would rarely ever give someone advice that might make them feel that giving up on a marriage is acceptable. In my opinion there are very few things that warrant "leaving."

But I will say this... Your situation sounds dangerous. Regardless of whether he is sometimes nice or handles stress poorly, it is not excusable (not even once) to mistreat you, your son, and future son the way you are describing. Obviously I don't know him as you do. But from an outsider's opinion of your thread... he sounds unstable at best. If he ran a daycare would you enroll your kids? I'm guessing not. So what does that say about their father? If your son grew up and treated his wife the same way, would you not worry for the safety of her and your grandchildren? Do you want your son to grow up and think that's how men are supposed to treat women and children?

Just some things to consider. Be smart. Be careful.


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## blueeyedfrumguy (May 2, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_ Run (don't walk) away from this Abusive guy!!!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Yes, it's abuse, chronic and systematic. The cell-throwing incident was criminal (domestic assault, in this state). His lack of supervision of the child was criminal (child neglect, in this state). His other behaviors are classic abuser characteristics. Ok, you have children. Ok, you have limited education and job skills. You are still alive and you can learn. Maybe your parents can help you and the babies for a while till you are able to see to your own financial support. Whether you wish to stick with this guy or not, I think you need to have your own money and your own marketable job skills. Your H uses money as power. Right now, I think you need to make an escape plan and squirrel away some money. I don't trust the guy you just described and I think you need to be prepared to haul tail at any time. I'd have my own key to the car, a bag packed for me and the kids at a friends' house, so if things get really bad, I could grab kids, hop in the car and split.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

There are safe-houses for people like you where you and your children could go and he wouldn't know where you are. They offer counceling and help. Yes...this is no doubt abuse, and you're both just lucky that baby didn't get into more serious trouble and end up dead. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's me. You see it in the news all the time. Do something to protect you and your children before Child Protective Services take them away from the both of you, and/or you end up a statistic.


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## Waiting4RightTyme (May 12, 2011)

Get out now while you and your son are still alive!!! Yes, you are definitely being abused. It's a classic case from what I see. He's controlling you completely. He tells you when or if you can see a doctor, he moved you away from family/friends, you are completely under his beck and call for sex, money, etc., and he's abusing your son by neglect. You are being abused emotionally, verbally, mentally, sexually, and physically. GET OUT NOW! Find a safe house and they WILL help you. I will keep you and your babies in my prayers!!


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