# Infidelity Found!!!



## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

I hate to post another thread but I am going to. First, I thank everyone that stood by me and gave great advice and encouragement. The ones that trolled and said things like she is a victim or no wonder she didn't want to be friends can pound sand. 
I convinced my stbx today to give me access to the phone account. I can't believe she left text messages open to a coworker that she knows. They are talking about her being all innocent but really liking to be spanked, whipped, etc. They talk (before she left me) about her having a new wedding and he will drink with her at it and they need to go out and drink and rent a cabin. Lots of disgusting stuff seen and read. Tying her down, lots of men wanting in her pants, etc. This is not embellished. They use those terms back and forth and he talks about setting her up with a buddy of his and she says she can't wait and should have divorced me a long time ago but she has to be careful because my lawyer is a b*** and will come after her for alimony. I was just served 2/4. This coworker is also talking about his young daughter and how unhappy he is in his own marriage... 🤮 People are so f**** up. Anyways, I have pages of evidence now of marirtial misconduct, grounds to file fault against her, and we're going to subpoena records for these dating websites they're talking about she is on. I feel vindicated!!!! And finally free!!!!!


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Burn her fantasy world to the ground.

I would recommend you save any celebrations or notions of a certain victory for when it is realized. Life offers many twists and turns as does the legal system.


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

marko polo said:


> Burn her fantasy world to the ground.
> 
> I would recommend you save any celebrations or notions of a certain victory for when it is realized. Life offers many twists and turns as does the legal system.


Thank you and agreed! I feel like Rambo in First Blood 2. I feel like that American POW he is trying to rescue 10 years after the end of the war. I am just so tired mentally and physically. My nerves are rattled. I hope to become like Rambo again someday.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Glad you are happy and feel vindicated. So what it your plan to find happiness after divorce?


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Check with your lawyer, maybe you can sue the guy. There was a case I read about where a husband did that. I think they called it spousal estrangement, not totally sure. I think the guy won. might be a hard case to prove though.


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> Glad you are happy and feel vindicated. So what it your plan to find happiness after divorce?


One step at a time. I am going to therapy and trying to restart church. I have been walking 2.8 miles 1 hour almost every day. I was accepted to law school and start this August. 
Yes I will check with the lawyer after all this. Thinking of suing my stbx for emotional trauma. I am on new medications for anxiety and having heart flutters. Already have blot clot disorder. I want to sue him too. I have heard of cases tlike that and people winning.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

teutonic_metal said:


> One step at a time. I am going to therapy and trying to restart church. I have been walking 2.8 miles 1 hour almost every day. I was accepted to law school and start this August.
> Yes I will check with the lawyer after all this. Thinking of suing my stbx for emotional trauma. I am on new medications for anxiety and having heart flutters. Already have blot clot disorder. I want to sue him too. I have heard of cases tlike that and people winning.


Alienation of affection is the type of lawsuit I have read about.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

That type of lawsuit is recognized in six states. North Carolina is the state most often referenced, IIRC.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

teutonic_metal said:


> One step at a time. I am going to therapy and trying to restart church. I have been walking 2.8 miles 1 hour almost every day. I was accepted to law school and start this August.
> Yes I will check with the lawyer after all this. Thinking of suing my stbx for emotional trauma. I am on new medications for anxiety and having heart flutters. Already have blot clot disorder. I want to sue him too. I have heard of cases tlike that and people winning.


Suing people will cause much more stress and loads of money.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

teutonic_metal said:


> Thank you and agreed! I feel like Rambo in First Blood 2. I feel like that American POW he is trying to rescue 10 years after the end of the war. I am just so tired mentally and physically. My nerves are rattled. I hope to become like Rambo again someday.


You are already that man. You did not act hastily nor did you act foolishly. You patiently waited and gathered your evidence / ammunition for the conflict to come.

It is not just a metaphor when people say the truth will set you free. Now you see who she really is and you have no interest in wasting anymore of your life on her. Your burden has lightened considerably as a result.

At this moment you are positioned to blindside her. Tell her nothing of what you know and you will not lose momentum or your advantage in the drama to follow. She will come digging to learn what you know. You lie straight to her face. You misdirect. You offer false hope to her. You say and do anything to reinforce her erroneous belief that she is in control and more clever than you. Keep her off balance while your divorce completes in the background.

If you have no children with your wayward wife and have no interest in being deceptive then cease all communication with her. Do not respond to whatever messages you receive from her. Let your lawyer do all the talking if she is a proper shark. However you chose to move forward your former wife will try to delay the proceedings. She will do her best to draw you into conflict.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

OP--

I'm happy that you're vindicated.

I think you might, however, get better responses if you kept everything in a single thread.


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

Wolfman1968 said:


> OP--
> 
> I'm happy that you're vindicated.
> 
> I think you might, however, get better responses if you kept everything in a single thread.


True sorry and again thanks to everyone. I agree I probably don't need to sue and my state is not one of them. I don't want to be blinded by hatred but I do want a fault against her in this divorce. I was willing just to accept no contest but no admittance of guilt. Honestly, I don't want to see her suffer but she does deserve to be shamed which she has none and blames me and my family for everything. She was cussing at me earlier today demanding a key and telling my lawyer to f*** off. This is after she saw I was logging into her text. She gave me the password and sign-in information. I am kinda of scared of her now and at least want police here if she comes to get stuff. 
But Diana7, yes suing is probably a bad idea after thinking of it. It will be hard to prove, drag, out, and cause more drama. I am holding my cards in my chest pocket. I am just going to play up I am still depressed which I am to a point still grieving.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Talking is fine but you need to take action. Staying in limbo is unhealthy. Only you can keep yourself in this. From what I’ve seen pastors/clergy are for the most part clueless when it comes to dealing with infidelity.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Suing people will cause much more stress and loads of money.


If alienation of affection is allowed in his state usually the attorney just takes a cut of the award. Nothing upfront.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

teutonic_metal said:


> True sorry and again thanks to everyone. I agree I probably don't need to sue and my state is not one of them. I don't want to be blinded by hatred but I do want a fault against her in this divorce. I was willing just to accept no contest but no admittance of guilt. Honestly, I don't want to see her suffer but she does deserve to be shamed which she has none and blames me and my family for everything. She was cussing at me earlier today demanding a key and telling my lawyer to f*** off. This is after she saw I was logging into her text. She gave me the password and sign-in information. I am kinda of scared of her now and at least want police here if she comes to get stuff.
> But Diana7, yes suing is probably a bad idea after thinking of it. It will be hard to prove, drag, out, and cause more drama. I am holding my cards in my chest pocket. I am just going to play up I am still depressed which I am to a point still grieving.


It's not going to make any difference at all in the division of assets. Why? Because they'd just be taking your word for it that you yourself never cheated. It's just not a legal consideration. It's irrelevant for the terms of the divorce. She gave you access knowing what you'd find, so it sounds like she's ready to be done with the marriage. 

I've never seen any such thing as suing for what you were talking about. The closest thing I've seen as a divorce-case sort of side issue they had depositions on involved a man who was spending money on a live-in hooker, using the joint assets up before the divorce settlement and financial disbursement was finished. So the wife took it up in discovery so she didn't get screwed financially by him spending their money like that.

The man and hooker tried to pass it off as she was his live-in cook, but she had no qualifications for that. She was a serious (and aging) hooker with tattoos on her stomach giving her specialty and original pimp info so she could be loaned out to other pimps.

So if your wife were to start wasting your joint money during divorce proceedings on something expensive and nonessential, you could take that up as an issue and just get that amount recovered back.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

Hey, from *Fifty Shades of Grey* to *Two or Three Shades of Divorce*.


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## One Eighty (Apr 30, 2018)

teutonic_metal said:


> I convinced my stbx today to give me access to the phone account.


Whaaaaaaaat?! Why would she do that? Did you drug her? This makes no sense from her point of view. I mean glad for you but it makes no sense for her to have done this.


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

One Eighty said:


> Whaaaaaaaat?! Why would she do that? Did you drug her? This makes no sense from her point of view. I mean glad for you but it makes no sense for her to have done this.


I don't know. Even after all this, I don't wish cruel things for her but I think she has lost her damn mind really or stupid or probably a combination.


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## VFW2 (Sep 4, 2021)

You are right on target T, it does not do you any good to be vindictive. If you want to get back at her, then go live a life that she will be sorry that she is no longer sharing with you. I am a big believer in karma and it always seems to come around. You just need to take care of business and then get so busy living your life that you don't have time to worry about hers. Stay strong brother.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Openminded said:


> That type of lawsuit is recognized in six states. North Carolina is the state most often referenced, IIRC.


However there are other torts that can be used outside those states. Infliction of emotional distress comes to mind. But the lawyer will know for certain.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

One Eighty said:


> Whaaaaaaaat?! Why would she do that? Did you drug her? This makes no sense from her point of view. I mean glad for you but it makes no sense for her to have done this.


Unless she has spoken with a third party who said "Your colleagues and your lover did WHAT to you? Boy! You should not have allowed that!"

She might be passing the information over so that "Daddy" can deal with them?


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

VFW2 said:


> You are right on target T, it does not do you any good to be vindictive. If you want to get back at her, then go live a life that she will be sorry that she is no longer sharing with you. I am a big believer in karma and it always seems to come around. You just need to take care of business and then get so busy living your life that you don't have time to worry about hers. Stay strong brother.


I should add I read more of the text. She is texting this guy one month before she left and confronted me with a divorce. They're obviously flirting. He is saying he will dance at her next wedding. She says she'll hold him to it. They talk about what alcohol drinks they like and he mentions his wife doesn't like it when he drinks. She says "we all need" 2 times to blow off some steam at night on town or rent a cabin for the weekend.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

teutonic_metal said:


> One step at a time. I am going to therapy and trying to restart church. I have been walking 2.8 miles 1 hour almost every day. I was accepted to law school and start this August.
> Yes I will check with the lawyer after all this. Thinking of suing my stbx for emotional trauma. I am on new medications for anxiety and having heart flutters. Already have blot clot disorder. I want to sue him too. I have heard of cases tlike that and people winning.


Very doubtful. Just ditch the witch and let her enjoy getting the pump and dump over and over. This pipe dream of legal revenge??? It happens less often than winning the lottery. Good luck though.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

teutonic_metal said:


> I convinced my stbx today to give me access to the phone account. I can't believe she left text messages open to a coworker that she knows.


What phone phone service do you use? I have never heard of being able to see message content, just usage.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

teutonic_metal said:


> *They talk about what alcohol drinks they like and he mentions his wife doesn't like it when he drinks.*


So her ideal man is a cheating alcoholic?
this is going to end well!


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> So her ideal man is a cheating alcoholic?
> this is going to end well!


I know right. Well he is trying to fix her up with someone else but she says she needs to be careful so it doesn't look bad in court. Meanwhile she is telling me she wants to be friends, wishes the best for me, etc. I wanted reconciliation until I found this ****. 
I use Verizon.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Talker67 said:


> So her ideal man is a cheating alcoholic?
> this is going to end well!


Affairing down is a real phenomenon


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

teutonic_metal said:


> I know right. Well he is trying to fix her up with someone else but she says she needs to be careful so it doesn't look bad in court. Meanwhile she is telling me she wants to be friends, wishes the best for me, etc. I wanted reconciliation until I found this ****.
> I use Verizon.


Yes they always want to be friends. Many benefits to a cheater with this approach. Looks better if she is your _friend_ after she has betrayed you so she can reason to herself *and others* that she not such a bad person for having betrayed you.

Also she would like to use you for whatever she can get out of you as your _friend._

As your _friend_ you can expect she will want you to do some, any or all of the following:

Put the brakes on the divorce process. She will divorce you but she would prefer to do it when she is ready and on her terms, not yours. She has to construct the proper narrative that in her mind justifies her cheating that she believes she can sell to larger audience (family, friends, coworkers). This requires time and effort. A false reconciliation also requires time so that she can claim she tried. By all means lie to her face and agree just fail to follow through and offer excuses. Even if it is a ridiculous excuse roll with it as if it were the truth. It will keep her off balance.

She will want to do away with the lawyers, your in particular because she is a b****. I assume the translation is your lawyer is a ruthless shark. Same as above. Lie to your ex wife. Say you will and never follow through, say you can't because you signed a contract. Say whatever comes to mind.

The best policy in any case is to communicate with her as little as possible. If it is unavoidable then lie to her to get your way. There will be no honest discourse or dealing with her so lie and deny just as she has done. The divorce will continue in the background in your lawyers capable hands.

In any case lie to her face and agree to be _friends. _If she asks a favor by txt do not respond, delete it and claim you never received the message. You can also choose to ignore it and say you were busy. *If she calls let it go to voicemail, always. *Communicate with her by txt or email only. This way you control the interaction and you have the luxury of replying when you are ready.

I was married to a woman like your wife. My choice at the time was to sever all contact and allow my lawyer to speak for me. I have no regrets with this choice. Others like her have passed through my life and I have taken the opportunity to have some fun at the expense of these others where I did not with my ex wife. There is some satisfaction to be found in this approach but it doesn't last. Ultimately I still ejected these people from my life as quickly as possible.

If you can avoid dealing with your ex wife and her attempted manipulations directly, do so. You will be happier for it. If you have no choice but to deal with her in certain situations - lie and promise her the world. Say whatever you have to in order to get your way and keep her agreeable. Lies, excuses, pretty words and empty promises are now the currency you offer your wayward wife.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

teutonic_metal said:


> she says she can't wait and should have divorced me a long time ago but she has to be careful because my lawyer is a b*** and will come after her for alimony. *


You do JUST that then. If you have any case to get alimony from her, then go for it. In any case, it can simply be used as a bargaining chip to gain you some other concessions.

Not that it matters in court, but you show your attorney these messages to show just what kind of a slag you are up against, then tell him/her to go for her throat and do whatever is necessary to make this as painful as possible for her.

One tip. Give your attorney all the information you have, then just let them do the job. Do not contact him/her for every little detail because that is a 5 min billing minimum each time. Give everything up front, then wait for your attorney to contact you.

Sorry you are going through this. But a wise friend once told me when I was going through a divorce, "don't try to be nice, you'll get f****d" He was right. I let my attorney loose on her and it was much better for me.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

teutonic_metal said:


> I know right. Well he is trying to fix her up with someone else but she says she needs to be careful so it doesn't look bad in court. Meanwhile she is telling me she wants to be friends, wishes the best for me, etc. I wanted reconciliation until I found this ****.
> I use Verizon.


She is telling you that to soften you up. Don't fall for it. Tell your attorney to be as ruthless as he/she can possibly be.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

teutonic_metal said:


> I know right. Well he is trying to fix her up with someone else but she says she needs to be careful so it doesn't look bad in court. Meanwhile she is telling me she wants to be friends, wishes the best for me, etc. I wanted reconciliation until I found this ****.
> I use Verizon.


Did you stop paying her phone bill? 

Well, the best thing that could have come from reading those texts is that you now are done trying to “nice” her back to reconciliation. I don’t think throwing around law suits or punishing her is something that you need to do, I’m not even sure you have any evidence she was cheating on you (correct me if I’m wrong), but you have clear evidence she is not your friend. (I could have told you that before you read her texts… oh wait I did! 😉) If you are entitled to alimony then have your lawyer go for it. Not to punish her, but because it’s fair. Then move on with your life, she doesn’t like you, let alone love you.


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

QuietRiot said:


> Did you stop paying her phone bill?
> 
> Well, the best thing that could have come from reading those texts is that you now are done trying to “nice” her back to reconciliation. I don’t think throwing around law suits or punishing her is something that you need to do, I’m not even sure you have any evidence she was cheating on you (correct me if I’m wrong), but you have clear evidence she is not your friend. (I could have told you that before you read her texts… oh wait I did! 😉) If you are entitled to alimony then have your lawyer go for it. Not to punish her, but because it’s fair. Then move on with your life, she doesn’t like you, let alone love you.


Let just clear everything up and say I don't plan to sue. That was me hurt and mad. It's a waste of time and mudslinging. However, I have to disagree. She did cheat. These text only go back to early December (as far as Verizon will keep). They're talking about dancing at her next wedding, she'll hold him to it, talking about favorite drinks, go out on town and drink, rent a cabin for the weekend and drink etc.
She didn't tell me she wanted a divorce until one month later and left. These newer text are the whipping, spanking, tie up, Catwoman suit ****... It's just creepy and basically BSDM. However, we are still married. Its cheating. Yeah I know she doesn't love me. But cheating is cheating. Who would approve of their wife or husband texting someone these types of things without knowledge? Plus dude is already married with a 4 month old and nagging about how his wife doesn't like him to drink. It's all screwed up. 
I am moving on as best as I can. I will find someone one day who will honestly love me and not do this to me.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

You don't sue. You simply, during the divorce, tell your attorney to tear into her like a bulldog. Don't play nice, she won't, I guarantee it, no matter how much she tries to make you think she wants to be friends.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

teutonic_metal said:


> Let just clear everything up and say I don't plan to sue. That was me hurt and mad. It's a waste of time and mudslinging. However, I have to disagree. She did cheat. These text only go back to early December (as far as Verizon will keep). They're talking about dancing at her next wedding, she'll hold him to it, talking about favorite drinks, go out on town and drink, rent a cabin for the weekend and drink etc.
> She didn't tell me she wanted a divorce until one month later and left. These newer text are the whipping, spanking, tie up, Catwoman suit ****... It's just creepy and basically BSDM. However, we are still married. Its cheating. Yeah I know she doesn't love me. But cheating is cheating. Who would approve of their wife or husband texting someone these types of things without knowledge? Plus dude is already married with a 4 month old and nagging about how his wife doesn't like him to drink. It's all screwed up.
> I am moving on as best as I can. I will find someone one day who will honestly love me and not do this to me.


I didn’t say she wasn’t an asshole, but I don’t see the cheating part. I guess I’m missing context here. Talking about dancing with a guy “at her next wedding”… unless he’s talking about being that guy… I don’t get it. Did you find sexual communication? Did they text about loving each other? Anything like that while you were together? 

I suppose some would think it’s cheating if you are still legally married on paper, to be sexting after she already moved out and told you she was done, but I don’t consider that cheating. I don’t want to invalidate your pain and hurt… but if the woman said she was done with you and moved out before carrying out sexual texting…. She was doing the right thing. She’s doing the more difficult thing of being honest and leaving instead of screwing people while you still think she’s committed to you.

*the guy she is sexting now though? Perhaps you should let his wife know, I doubt she’s getting that same level of honesty.

And yes, you will find someone who will treat you much better than your wife. She sounds like a user. Sorry you’re hurting.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Ruthless is the best way to go as others have advised. Get everything you are entitled to get from her because if she can get her way she will leave you nothing.

You haven't mentioned any children. If you have none together just go silent. You can send a final txt to her advising all communications going forward are to be through your lawyer only. If you are feeling vindictive and willing to pay, your lawyer can communicate this arrangement to her. 

Would recommend you change your number so you will not be bombarded with txts or calls. Also you may wish to have your lawyer prepare the necessary paperwork for a restraining order. People like your wife do not like to lose control of a situation. Best to be prepared. If you are able and willing set up cameras around your home. Keep a voice activated recorder with you. He said, she said is a game you will lose by default. If your lawyer has given you the ok change the locks on your home.

The evidence you have collected will probably be of no use to you in court but it can be used as leverage one way or another. Once your divorce completes you can torpedo the other man's marriage completely without worrying about it complicating your divorce. If you have any contact information for the other man's wife you could throw an anonymous wrench in his life. A disposable email or anonymous letter. You ask a simple open ended question _What is your husband doing spending so much time with *** ? (your wife's name first and last)_ Let the other man's wife do her own investigating while you remain unconnected and blameless.


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

marko polo said:


> Ruthless is the best way to go as others have advised. Get everything you are entitled to get from her because if she can get her way she will leave you nothing.
> 
> You haven't mentioned any children. If you have none together just go silent. You can send a final txt to her advising all communications going forward are to be through your lawyer only. If you are feeling vindictive and willing to pay, your lawyer can communicate this arrangement to her.
> 
> ...


It's cheating. I was wanting to reconcile up until I found the text. She has completely lied about secret credit cards (Just found out Belk has maxed out $3500; she started it 5/5/2020 but I "found" bill 10/15/2021), financial issues with weird charges for high price lunches in the past, and has written all these sweet notes over the life of the marriage but is telling people she has been unhappy the whole time. They're talking about going out and drinking and renting a cabin and drinking before she left. The later text are about whipping, spanking, tied up, etc. You don't do that in a marriage and in my state, TN, it's consider at least inappropriate martial conduct to do those things even while seperated and one can be found "at fault." I don't want this to be dragged out but I think I am entitled to some money back from her from these credit cards and my attorney is demanding she pay my attorney and filing fees.
I appreciate everyone's condolences.


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## VFW2 (Sep 4, 2021)

teutonic_metal said:


> ... has written all these sweet notes over the life of the marriage but is telling people she has been unhappy the whole time.


This is classic revisionist history. She does this to justify why she did what she did, otherwise she looks bad. Same reason she wants to be friends, otherwise she has to accept responsibility for the damage she has done. You know she isn't going to do that anytime soon. I won't kid you it is a long road ahead and there will be good days and bad days, but you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hang tough.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

QuietRiot said:


> I didn’t say she wasn’t an asshole, but I don’t see the cheating part. I guess I’m missing context here. Talking about dancing with a guy “at her next wedding”… unless he’s talking about being that guy… I don’t get it. Did you find sexual communication? Did they text about loving each other? Anything like that while you were together?
> 
> I suppose some would think it’s cheating if you are still legally married on paper, to be sexting after she already moved out and told you she was done, but I don’t consider that cheating. I don’t want to invalidate your pain and hurt… but if the woman said she was done with you and moved out before carrying out sexual texting…. She was doing the right thing. She’s doing the more difficult thing of being honest and leaving instead of screwing people while you still think she’s committed to you.
> 
> ...


I think the "rent a cabin and drink" is a pretty clear indicator....


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

teutonic_metal said:


> I know right. Well he is trying to fix her up with someone else but she says she needs to be careful so it doesn't look bad in court. *Meanwhile she is telling me she wants to be friends*, wishes the best for me, etc. I wanted reconciliation until I found this ****.
> I use Verizon.


Most cheating liars pull this BS. It’s for them not you. It helps alleviate their guilt, etc.
Let her go and cut off any communication except for the divorce. If it were me I’d let her go through your attorney so there wouldn’t be much need for one on one.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

teutonic_metal said:


> I don't know. Even after all this, I don't wish cruel things for her but I think she has lost her damn mind really or stupid or probably a combination.


Not really. This is part of her. Part of who she really is. Cheating takes time, effort and planning. She knows exactly what she’s doing.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I’m glad to see your priority is to move on. What is there to save? Nothing. 
Too many get tied up in the save the marriage BS. There is no marriage to save. She ended it.
Plus repeated infidelity isn’t that uncommon. 
Your best path is to cut contact. You’ll move on a lot faster that way.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> I think the "rent a cabin and drink" is a pretty clear indicator....


Yeah I couldn’t make too much sense of what he was saying. I thought that she was talking about plans after she left him. I’m glad she went on her own way, and hopefully he’s done with the friendship lie.


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

How exactly did her giving you access to the online phone bill make it so you could see the actual texts?


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

GoldenR said:


> How exactly did her giving you access to the online phone bill make it so you could see the actual texts?


I don't understand what you're asking? In Verizon there is an option to see texting in real time and has far back as like 40 days.

Sorry if I wasn't clear. 1 month before I knew anything was wrong and her leaving, is the first text of the dance at your next wedding, favorite drinks (didn't even know she likes drinking), "we all" need to go drink and let loose, "we all" need to rent a cabin for the weekend and drink. It's cheating.
Plus a fireman that he is setting her up with soon... Well I have found there have been phone calls between them (brief) in January, on my birthday in December, and several in October.


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> Not really. This is part of her. Part of who she really is. Cheating takes time, effort and planning. She knows exactly what she’s doing.


 I can see that now how it's been a process. She fabricated things, blames, gives reasons why I am at fault but she has been up to things and she knows she is wrong. That is why she is so angry, unstable, different personality, etc. I am tired of processing it myself but I have my proof she has cheated and there is no telling what else has gone on. I am going to get tested for STDs soon. I will come unglued if it's positive. She is the only woman I have been with since 2011 and I have desired as well.


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## Chaparralredux (Apr 21, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> If alienation of affection is allowed in his state usually the attorney just takes a cut of the award. Nothing upfront.


Where you cannot sue for alienation of affection, you can still sue for intentional infliction of emotional distress.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

teutonic_metal said:


> I can see that now how it's been a process. She fabricated things, blames, gives reasons why I am at fault but she has been up to things and she knows she is wrong. That is why she is so angry, unstable, different personality, etc. I am tired of processing it myself but I have my proof she has cheated and there is no telling what else has gone on. I am going to get tested for STDs soon. I will come unglued if it's positive. She is the only woman I have been with since 2011 and I have desired as well.


*Blame-shifting* is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.

You see this a lot. What’s amazing is the amount of people who swallow it hook, line and sinker.
I Suspect it’s from hopium. If I caused it I can fix it. Faulty thinking but a lot will grasp at any straw that seems plausible. Doing the “pick me dance” seems plausible too but it actually has the opposite affect. It’s just enabling. If you reward bad behavior you just get more of it.


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## teutonic_metal (12 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> *Blame-shifting* is when a person does something wrong or inappropriate, and then dumps the blame on someone else to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior.
> 
> You see this a lot. What’s amazing is the amount of people who swallow it hook, line and sinker.
> I Suspect it’s from hopium. If I caused it I can fix it. Faulty thinking but a lot will grasp at any straw that seems plausible. Doing the “pick me dance” seems plausible too but it actually has the opposite affect. It’s just enabling. If you reward bad behavior you just get more of it.


I totally agree. I am in therapy now and I see me having codependent behaviors and I think this is part of the problem. Again, I don't wish her harm but I just want to move on with my life, become a lawyer, and be happy. She has been sending packages here when she can obviously get them sent to her current residence. She is using that as an excuse to play games. She said she would come get the package today. Watch her not show up to come get it. I am standing my ground on somethings.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

No contact is up to you. Not her. Until you fully realize that you’ll probably get more of this.
Returning packages to sender comes to mind. 😎


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