# Searching for experts



## LittleOlivia (Mar 5, 2015)

Hi,

I am newly divorced and although handling things quite well for the situation at hand, am finding certain things to be very difficult on both my child and I. We do well at in some areas but in other areas we just struggle. I know its probably the same for a lot of you out there. How do you deal with it? 

Have any of you looked to an expert for help? I am in the process of searching for a professional Divorce coach who has experience with finance, self-discovery, successful singleness and children of divorce. 

Does anyone have any experience using them? 
How did they help you and did you see an improvement? 
Or can anyone recommend someone that is thriving, not so much as famous (don’t send me Dr, Phil!) but has a nice following and not too expensive? 

I just want to find someone who has the credential and knows what they are doing.

Thanks to anyone that can offer any guidance.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You didn't post where you live - what country is at least helpful.

My daughter was nearly 5 when I left. My difficulty was in answering her questions and helping her cope with the changes. I went to a family counselor and it was extremely helpful. Money was tight so I went to United Family Services, a division of United Way. They work on a sliding scale based on income.

What types of things are difficult? In what areas do you struggle?

I didn't need coaching on finances - I had a budget and stuck to it. I didn't need a coach for self-discovery; you kind of do that by yourself. How? By trying new things. Even if it's just a bit of a stretch from what you already do.

Following isn't a good way to select someone. After all, the goal is to NOT need someone, right? I'd prefer the revolving door with happy customers! Try some different counselors and if you click, stay with them. Someone your best friend likes may not work for you. It's very individual. You can choose LCSW or a PhD but it comes down to your objectives. For us, the LCSW was just fine.

I think you are making this into too much of a major process than it needs to be. Relax, find someone to talk to about your concerns and don't worry about how many clients they have or what degrees they have as long as they do have some type of credentials appropriate for what you are looking for.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I took the shotgun blast approach to figuring out what works. 

I had visited 3 therapists before I found one I liked. I went to 4 different divorce support and one grief support group, didn't like any of them. 

I learned some things about myself through my therapy, then tried a few different 'groups' (Alanon, CODA and ACA). I found one of those that I really like and I attend weekly. 

Once the D was final, I started to go out. Not dating at first, but just with groups of friends, or with some Meetup.com groups. Just trying different thinks and making new friends. I found one meetup group that I really click with, and I now help organize events. It's a lot of fun.

I stayed active in my church. It wasn't easy at first, but I'm glad I did. The 'unease' came from the awkwardness I felt, once I became more comfortable with my reasons for divorce, it became easier. And once everyone knew I was divorced (There are some good stories there, lol).

So, my schedule is something like:

Weekly - Church, Support Group, Meetup "minor" Activity (Drinks or dinner)
Monthly - Therapy, Meetup "Major" activity (Movie, concert, wine tour, ect)


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I just struggled through it on my own. LOL! Not the best, honestly. I was ok, but I had a kiddo that needed more. I had 4 at the time, and no job, and ZERO money. I guess I did see a counselor once afterwards, but the counselors beforehand were the best. THankfully i was able to use some free services through the military. 

Bottom line is TIME is the best healer. (Kids are now doing great, I"m working full time and supporting everyone on my own, with a bit of child support.) As long as you nurture yourself and your kiddo, and don't get stuck in victim mentality, you will be ok.


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## LittleOlivia (Mar 5, 2015)

Thank you to all that replied. I have been so busy since I posted this I haven’t had a chance to get back until today. I did check out the meet ups and saw a few that interested me so I plan to check those out. I live in the mid west and would still be interested in hearing your experiences. Bless all of you and continue to stay strong.


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