# Dating New Girl - First 3 Weeks Were Awesome - Now Flakey/Cold. Advice?



## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

I'm mid 30's she's late 20's from Brazil.

So I was on Facebook one day last month and this gorgeous local girl from my city came up on "people you may know" I figured what the hell. Friend requested her, she accepted, and told her she had an amazing voice from some videos on her FB. We chatted a bit, and she gave me her number because she said FB gives her anxiety, then noticed she deactivated her account. Weird right? She had hundreds of friends and posts from years ago, so I know it wasn't some fake account.

Anyways, turns out some of my family members were actually at the same wedding she was at that weekend, so I chatted her up about how funny that was.

I set a date that week, and everything seemed great. She was texting/calling me first, showing lots of interest, bantering, and being sarcastic. First date went great, drinks, then pool bar, etc. Went for the kiss twice but got the cheek both times. I thought, ok?

Next week same thing, calling/texting me first, I set another date, only this time she was like, I'll come to your place first to drop off my car and some wine and then we'll go out. Awesome right? Dinner/drinks went great, we got back to my place, put a movie on and started hooking up. Sweet!

Things started to get hot, and I thought to myself look, I actually like this girl, I don't want to just hit it.

So she went home, kissed me goodnight, text when she got home, ever since then? Cold, no texts, I've been doing all the reaching out, and I can't figure out what the hell happened!

Eventually I get a response from her saying that she's a huge ball of baggage, she has horrible social anxiety, a nerd, a homebody, and you have this beautiful successful life I can offer you nothing. And on top of all that I found out (she lives with her parents), that me and parents might have to leave the country. So I need to work as much as I can to save for when I have to move back to Brazil, and afford for my parents, So I won't have any more free time, I'm sorry.

I was like, wow, ok? So I told her that really sucks, is there anything I can do, I wish you the best and would really like to see you again before you have to leave. Then I jokingly said I'd wife you up so you could stay here lol, We laughed about it, and she told me everything she liked about me, and I did the same, then she said, I would never marry someone for that, I want it to be for real love, blah blah, and goes, I really want to keep seeing you and getting to know you, but I hold a lot of things inside and I feel like I'm to crazy for you.

I said don't feel like you can't talk to me about what's going on in your life, blah blah. So it ended up with me asking her to come over, and she flaked, 1 day, 2 days, 3 days...

I really don't know what to make of this. Should I back off and wait to hear from her? Or put a fork in this one? Or wait a couple days and ask her out again? 

Why does this Sheet happen with girls that I really end up liking and are so hot!?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> I'm mid 30's she's late 20's from Brazil.
> 
> So I was on Facebook one day last month and this gorgeous local girl from my city came up on "people you may know" I figured what the hell. Friend requested her, she accepted, and told her she had an amazing voice from some videos on her FB. We chatted a bit, and she gave me her number because she said FB gives her anxiety, then noticed she deactivated her account. Weird right? She had hundreds of friends and posts from years ago, so I know it wasn't some fake account.
> 
> ...


When things got “hot” you pulled back.
Wrong move dude.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Personally, I'd put a fork in this one. Her story and behavior isn't making much sense, at least from what you have told us about her. That's a pretty good reason to nip it in the bud right now.


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> When things got “hot” you pulled back.
> Wrong move dude.


I know, I’ve been beating myself up over that. That was honestly one of the best “hookups” ever, which could be why im so hooked on this girl.

I’ll never make that mistake again. 

But she keeps contradicting herself saying she’s going to be too busy now trying to save money and work for when she hast to leave the country but then goes and says I still want see you.



When I try to set dates with her she’ll agree to come over then cancel.

I told her you need to bring those big beautiful lips back over here. She goes no no no that’s not happening again I went to fast last time and had too much wine. I just said sure With a little ;-)

This is driving me crazy


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

confused0000 said:


> Things started to get hot,


:smile2::wink2:



confused0000 said:


> and I thought to myself look, I actually like this girl,


:|



confused0000 said:


> I don't want to just hit it.


:surprise:



confused0000 said:


> So she went home, kissed me goodnight, text when she got home,


:frown2:



confused0000 said:


> ever since then? Cold,


Well what else is she supposed to do? When you show her that you aren't sexually attracted to her and you're not up for it.



confused0000 said:


> I've been doing all the reaching out, and I can't figure out what the hell happened!


It's not rocket science, you killed it by putting the breaks on. So feel free to move on, just as she has.

Once you figure out that dating is at its core about sex and act accordingly, you'll have more luck.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

confused0000 said:


> This is driving me crazy


I don't see why, it's not like there aren't other women out there that you could play with.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

It was 3 weeks. It wasn't a relationship. It's not either of your "faults" and there's nothing wrong with either of you.

It happens.

Let it go and move on.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

confused0000 said:


> Why does this Sheet happen with girls that I really end up liking and are so hot!?


Because you pick girls based on their looks.


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

turnera said:


> Because you pick girls based on their looks.


I’m just having a hard time believing the story that she’s not going to have any time all of a sudden because she’s going to be kicked out of the country?

She said she’s afraid of getting to know me too well and having to leave and being heartbroken and vice versa.

But then she turns around and says I still want to hang out with you and I still want to get to know you let’s just give each other as much happiness as We can until that day.

That’s what I was like oh I agree let’s not complicate things so do you want to come over tonight.

She’s like yeah I think I can be there at eight so I go OK great see you at eight. She text me an hour before and says my parents are cooking a dinner tonight and my sister is coming over so I’m stuck here. She had also flaked a couple days before.

So I don’t know if something is actually really going on with her if there’s another guy in the picture if she’s just not interested in is just being nice I don’t know what to do.

It’s been about three days since I’ve talk to her last I was thinking of sending her a message today, hey sexy I’m off for the rest of the week you want to hang tonight?

Depending on her response I was going to say something like can I ask you something, It seems like you were all in a couple weeks ago then after we hooked up a little bit you went cold. Am I missing something?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

turnera said:


> Because you pick girls based on their looks.


Don't we all, to some extent, at first?


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

confused0000 said:


> I’m just having a hard time believing the story that she’s not going to have any time all of a sudden because she’s going to be kicked out of the country?
> 
> She said she’s afraid of getting to know me too well and having to leave and being heartbroken and vice versa.
> 
> ...


Something is off. Have you met any of her family or friends? Let her go. Beware when she does ask for money or goes back to the marriage gambit you suggested.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

This is like reality tv.........only in print........


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

What do you care what her story is? She cut you off, and that's that. Start acting like a Brazilian man, that would give you more chances of success (you just don't pull back, man), instead of agonizing why, why, why she"s dumping me all of the sudden. Just get another hot or hotter woman, period. Case closed.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Don't we all, to some extent, at first?


Yes, of course, but men are notorious for assuming that because a woman is beautiful, she will be a good partner. In fact, it's most likely the opposite. Those who don't 'get things' based on their looks are MUCH more likely to be kind to others, introspective, humble, non-judgmental, and selfless. You know, the kinds of things you'd want in a partner if you weren't interested in scoring the hottest chick in the room (to feed your own ego). 

When DD28 was in high school, I warned her to skip past the best-looking guys and pay attention to those who weren't so perfect, that she'd have much better results in terms of a good relationship. And it bore out. The two guys who were hot...ended up being self-serving jerks who just wanted her cos she was beautiful.

Of course there are exceptions - like my daughter, lol - but it's in our DNA for men to seek out the gorgeous ones. And guess what one thing most guys who come here with relationship problems have in common? Their partner is drop-dead gorgeous. If you don't believe me, go back through our threads for the ones started by men. To a T, nearly every single one will start out with "My wife is gorgeous, sweet, fun..." - until those gorgeous women show their true self-absorbed colors. These guys DIDN'T look past that and give the other women a chance, cos having a hot woman on their arm is more important for bragging rights and ego than picking someone based on their qualities. And they get what they pay for.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I'm laughing at all the people assuming shes flakey or has issues just because the 3 weeks of dating didn't turn into the romance of the century.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Let her go.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You're being "ghosted," primarily by an immature, wishy-washy woman who doesn't know what in the hell she wants in a man!

No big loss ~ give her the air! She deserves it!*


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I'm laughing at all the people assuming shes flakey or has issues just because the 3 weeks of dating didn't turn into the romance of the century.


Yeah I have to agree.He gets a hot Brazilian woman who is up for some action and because he thinks she is “special” he knocks her back.
Her ego probably took a blow and now she either thinks he doesn’t find her sexually attractive and just wants some arm candy, or else she thinks he’s gay.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Maybe she has a penis for ‘baggage’ and is worried the OP is not going to be thrilled about it? 

Too ‘out there’? Well, I was in Brazil a couple of times. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell what’s poking you.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Your problem was you treated her differently based on her looks. Don't ever do that. 

Now all you can do is walk away and leave it to her to get back with you, if it's something she decides she wants. Don't waste time on a woman that isn't interested in you. It's a losing battle. Don't give her any more of your time or attention. Seriously, just ignore her and move on with your life.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

confused0000 said:


> Eventually I get a response from her saying that she's a huge ball of baggage, she has horrible social anxiety, a nerd, a homebody...
> 
> Why does this Sheet happen with girls that I really end up liking and are so hot!?


Well, at least she sounds a step up from your last serious relationship with the woman who screwed around on you.

My take on it is you pick the wrong women. Sorry, but it sounds like a case of broken pickeritis.

As I recall, you are around 23 years old. Time to take an inner look at what you really want in a woman other than just going for one who is "hot."


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

This is the point of dating. It's a tryout. Treat it as least as discerningly as you would buying a car. It should take at least a year before you get as attached as you are to this women you have known for a month. The first 6 months should be about just having fun and getting to know each other.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

confused0000 said:


> I'm mid 30's …


I apologize for being incorrect regarding your age. Sorry, but you don't come across as a man in his 30's. Just sayin'.


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

OK guys, so I invited her to get together tonight and she agrees for the third time so I took it with a grain of salt.

I I asked her if she wanted to go out because it’s a big party night tonight and she replies with I don’t like going out to bars but I am up for getting together doing something quiet and simple.

I said well we can go out for a nice dinner, Or did you have something else in mind. She says I’m OK with just doing something simple we don’t have to go out. So I said why don’t you just come over bring some wine and we can get carry out and just chill. She says Great and I’ll bring my Video game over. (I mean what hot girl plays video games And says she is just simple and is OK with getting carry out on the third date, awesome)

So she actually does end up coming over we go get the carry out start watching a movie have some laughs finish dinner and start playing super Nintendo games lol.

When we got bored of that I put the movie back on and we started hooking up again.

It was getting super hot and heavy And I wasn’t about to mess around this time. So I Start getting into it and get this, she goes no you left me with blue ovaries last time so I’m going to leave you with blue balls this time. We started laughing about it and she’s like you’re going to learn that I get what I want and I wanted you the other night And you sent me home. So now I’m going to do the same to you jokingly of course.

So I pulled back tried again she kept laughing and saying nope not tonight. I pulled back tried again same thing. 

So we both left with blue balls tonight and she goes next time you’ll remember. 

So why did she go cold For 10 days I don’t know, maybe she was on her period, Maybe there’s another guy in the picture, maybe there’s multiple guys in the picture, I don’t know


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> OK guys, so I invited her to get together tonight and she agrees for the third time so I took it with a grain of salt.
> 
> I I asked her if she wanted to go out because it’s a big party night tonight and she replies with I don’t like going out to bars but I am up for getting together doing something quiet and simple.
> 
> ...


My bet is you will never see her again.You had your chance and you blew it,she just wanted to restore her self esteem and now she has.
Don’t be so ****in stupid the next time.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

> Then I jokingly said I'd wife you up so you could stay here lol,


I may be crazy but I suspect this is what killed it


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> My bet is you will never see her again.You had your chance and you blew it,she just wanted to restore her self esteem and now she has.
> Don’t be so ****in stupid the next time.


My next question is, what is my next move here? We both have to be sexually frustrated at this point. I mean I had her top off and we were hooking up for at least an hour just no sex.

How long should I wait to contact her again and what should I say?

Just be like you need to get your sexy ass over here and finish what we started the other night?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

confused0000 said:


> I'm mid 30's she's late 20's from Brazil.
> 
> So I was on Facebook one day last month and this gorgeous local girl from my city came up on "people you may know" I figured what the hell. Friend requested her, she accepted, and told her she had an amazing voice from some videos on her FB. We chatted a bit, and she gave me her number because she said FB gives her anxiety, then noticed she deactivated her account. Weird right? She had hundreds of friends and posts from years ago, so I know it wasn't some fake account.
> 
> ...


I think you were right to pull back. Too much baggage and you don't know her at all and all the ensuing baggage with parents. There are girls out there who are looking for a good looking, well off guy to take care of them and their parents, and their siblings, and their cousins............and get a visa......you get the picture. Let her sort her stuff out first and if you run into each other then see where it goes,the whole thing sounds too good to be true tbh, tread carefully.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> Andy1001 said:
> 
> 
> > My bet is you will never see her again.You had your chance and you blew it,she just wanted to restore her self esteem and now she has.
> ...


This approach won’t work at this stage,she has shown you that she is in control and you trying to sound confident will just look pathetic.
If you are determined to try again then maybe send her some flowers,a bunch of white roses (not red!) may do the trick.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Laurentium said:


> I may be crazy but I suspect this is what killed it



And you'd wife a hot ass (without knowing anything about her) just to get some.
You sound juvenile or stupid, I don't know which. The ladies in Asia would eat you for breakfast.............and have a visa, and all the family financed to their new home country.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Maybe she has a penis for ‘baggage’ and is worried the OP is not going to be thrilled about it?
> 
> Too ‘out there’? Well, I was in Brazil a couple of times. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell what’s poking you.
> 
> ...


I buy this.

She is good looking. She has many men knocking at her door.
knocking at her lower Dutch door.

She likely is worried about being deported. That is true.

She has another man, maybe more than one making offers.

She does like you. But, not enough to change her 'other' plans with family.

And, especially with other lovers. 

She is not lacking for offers. On her being a nerd, not sophisticated?

You bet. She feels that you will tire of her after the newness wears off.

She is hedging her bets.

I bet she has three men minimum working on her. 
The others have already done the inside work.
They have done time in the hole.


She is being practical, as she should.

As beautiful as she is, she still has insecurities. She knows she is beautiful, she also knows she has not many other skills to bring to the table.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

LMAO

Why is this a "thing"? You met her, 3 weeks was fun. Then it cooled off.

Why does someone have to be wrong or flakey or at fault? That's how dating works!
I weep for the future lol.


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> This approach won’t work at this stage,she has shown you that she is in control and you trying to sound confident will just look pathetic.
> If you are determined to try again then maybe send her some flowers,a bunch of white roses (not red!) may do the trick.


You’re joking right


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> Andy1001 said:
> 
> 
> > This approach won’t work at this stage,she has shown you that she is in control and you trying to sound confident will just look pathetic.
> ...


Why do you think I’m joking?
Your answer may explain your lack of a successful relationship.


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Why do you think I’m joking?
> Your answer may explain your lack of a successful relationship.


You don’t send flowers to a girl you’ve known for three weeks all that is is a bribe for sex. You’re better off just telling her flat out You need to bring your sexy ass over here and finish what we started.


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

OK guys so I need some advice on how to handle this next.

Should I wait to hear from her?

Send her a text today happy Thanksgiving we need to finish what we started?

Send her a casual text a couple days from now if I don’t hear from her first?

Send a joking text like my blue balls got progressively worse.

Or how are your blue ovaries today?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

You seem about 20 years younger than you say you are.

Good lord, man, move on!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> OK guys so I need some advice on how to handle this next.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Do you need to have her? Are there no women around your area who don’t **** with your mind?
Why is this a problem for a guy to pull back? I did it all the time until until I found the one I wanted to pull ‘forward’ with. She seems dead set on ‘pay back’ (joking or not) this would be a red flag for me. She’s just gonna play with your blue balls and toss them out in the end.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

confused0000 said:


> You don’t send flowers to a girl you’ve known for three weeks all that is is a bribe for sex. You’re better off just telling her flat out You need to bring your sexy ass over here and finish what we started.


Look up the book No More Mr Nice Guy. You are a typical Nice Guy who thinks you have to 'do' things to get what you want. When in reality, you just have to be confident in who you are and skip past the women who don't want that. 

And a bribe for sex? Try not EXPECTING sex and treating her like a human being instead of something to dip your wick in.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

confused0000 said:


> Send a joking text like my blue balls got progressively worse.
> 
> Or how are your blue ovaries today?


WTF, what are you, 12? NO man should EVER talk to a woman like that. No wonder she dumped you. Have some respect, dude.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> Andy1001 said:
> 
> 
> > Why do you think I’m joking?
> ...


This tells me all I need to know about your dating life. 
Good luck, your going to need it.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

personofinterest said:


> LMAO
> 
> Why is this a "thing"? You met her, 3 weeks was fun. Then it cooled off.
> 
> ...


I sure do agree! I don't understand how people become so vested or can feel so rejected in just a few weeks or a few dates.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

*"she’s like you’re going to learn that I get what I want"*

This attitude really turns you on, huh? The girl is into power and games. Sounds like the same bull**** the pick-up artist guys pull.

If you know what's good for you, you'll pass on this drama queen.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> OK guys so I need some advice on how to handle this next.
> 
> Should I wait to hear from her?
> 
> ...


I’ve just read your other threads and I had forgotten about posting on them.
Let me say this gently,when it comes to women your picker isn’t just broken it is smashed to pieces,beyond repair,deceased even.
The last relationship you had was with a woman who for two and a half years lied to you,cheated constantly and then told you about the great sex with other men and even when she was going on a girls trip away told you she “couldn’t promise” to be faithful.
Yet you took her back every time because in your own words the sex was great.
You would take her back tomorrow if she was willing.
As for Miss Brazil please stay clear.She will manipulate you into marriage before you know it and then instead of having a cheating girlfriend you will have a cheating wife.
Please consider some counseling to figure out why you are attracted to women like this.


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> I’ve just read your other threads and I had forgotten about posting on them.
> Let me say this gently,when it comes to women your picker isn’t just broken it is smashed to pieces,beyond repair,deceased even.
> The last relationship you had was with a woman who for two and a half years lied to you,cheated constantly and then told you about the great sex with other men and even when she was going on a girls trip away told you she “couldn’t promise” to be faithful.
> Yet you took her back every time because in your own words the sex was great.
> ...


You forgot the drugs and alcohol with the other girl as well.

I don’t know man, the challenge I guess. 

I’ve dated Five women since ex, All of which were totally into me and I didn’t have any of these issues with them. But you know what I got bored after a month or two because it was too easy


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Oh, right, you're such a stud that you have women falling at your feet, is that it? But because they actually want a relationship, they're worthless to you? That's something dysfunctional in YOU, ok?


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

This guy is a piece of work.......let him to his own fate......


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

.


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

turnera said:


> Oh, right, you're such a stud that you have women falling at your feet, is that it? But because they actually want a relationship, they're worthless to you? That's something dysfunctional in YOU, ok?


I mean if you want to put it that way that’s fine, however the women that do want to date me that are Semi-attractive and our normal just don’t do anything for me. I’ve had dozens of women that are wonderful it’s just they don’t do anything for me in the words of ace Ventura With Lois einjorn. 

So I am immediately attracted to these girls that are insanely attractive but play these games I guess it’s at catch 22


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> I mean if you want to put it that way that’s fine, however the women that do want to date me that are Semi-attractive and our normal just don’t do anything for me. I’ve had dozens of women that are wonderful it’s just they don’t do anything for me in the words of ace Ventura With Lois einjorn.
> 
> So I am immediately attracted to these girls that are insanely attractive but play these games I guess it’s at catch 22


It’s very simple my friend.
Robin Williams once said that the problem with men is God gave them a brain and a penis but only enough blood to run one at a time.
You are thinking with the wrong head.
Don’t stick your **** in crazy,it never ends well.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> I mean if you want to put it that way that’s fine, however the women that do want to date me that are Semi-attractive and our normal just don’t do anything for me. I’ve had dozens of women that are wonderful it’s just they don’t do anything for me in the words of ace Ventura With Lois einjorn.
> 
> 
> 
> So I am immediately attracted to these girls that are insanely attractive but play these games I guess it’s at catch 22




Because they can. And men let them.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

@confused0000 

I have a friend who is just like you. He loves the drama, loves having a hot girl mess with his head. Drives him crazy and he can't get enough.

He's an old man now. And he's still trying to figure out why these girls keep messing with his head.

LOL


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Because they can. And men let them.


Men don't just let them. They buy them expensive jewellery, pay their bills, are at their beck and call for any favor, give them whatever they want, whenever they want, flatter them endlessly. And desperately wish they could be with someone as absolutely fantastic as her.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

confused0000 said:


> I mean if you want to put it that way that’s fine, however the women that do want to date me that are *Semi-attractive* and our *normal *just don’t do anything for me. *I’ve had dozens of women* that are wonderful it’s just they don’t do anything for me in the words of ace Ventura With Lois einjorn.
> 
> So I am immediately attracted to these girls that are insanely attractive but play these games I guess it’s at catch 22


If you've 'had' dozens of women, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong in your head.

And if you only want women who play hard to get, you're even worse off. 

Dude, this is NOT NORMAL. Something in your head has skewed what a relationship is supposed to be. And your fixation on a woman having to be sexy or hot is really dangerous for you ever being happy. 

Go find a therapist and start talking about this. See what they tell you. (Hint: they'll tell you the same thing I am.)


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

wild jade said:


> @confused0000
> 
> I have a friend who is just like you. He loves the drama, loves having a hot girl mess with his head. Drives him crazy and he can't get enough.
> 
> ...


My brother-in-law. He's 60 now, never been married, never had a relationship longer than 6 months. confused, this is you in 30 years. Is that what you really want? NO woman is going to stay with you, hot or not, until you fix yourself.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

wild jade said:


> Men don't just let them. They buy them expensive jewellery, pay their bills, are at their beck and call for any favor, give them whatever they want, whenever they want, flatter them endlessly. And desperately wish they could be with someone as absolutely fantastic as her.



Yes, and there’s only one reason why men do this: they want to **** them. Men will do just about anything for a pretty face & tight ass. 


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> OK guys so I need some advice on how to handle this next.
> 
> Should I wait to hear from her?
> 
> ...


Ugh. This whole teenage drama of pandering to this ***** with her nasty attitude is *so* childish and unappealing. Beautiful or not, she's just a plain *****.

Why don't the two of you just jerk off in your own respective houses and call it a night. Sheesh.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

turnera said:


> If you've 'had' dozens of women, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong in your head.
> 
> And if you only want women who play hard to get, you're even worse off.
> 
> ...


I must be bored so I'm going to play devils's advocate here for a bit. I actually don't see anything wrong with the OP wanting someone that is really hot and or sexy. I guess I feel like its certainly not a forgone conclusion that just because a woman is really attractive she won't have the other qualities he is looking for. I also don't think we can assume that just because someone is plainer in appearance they are better people. I have dated women that are really attractive and honestly many of them were sweethearts. There are definitely cons to being a very attractive woman. Lots of unwanted attention from men, and honestly speaking there are women who don't like pretty women either.

On another note I also find it interesting that people have very different views on what initial communication should be like when meeting someone new for the first time. I have seen numerous messages on here where folks worry about the amount of time between text messages. Did they text too much? Or not enough etc. etc. when a person stops responding. Honestly 99 times out of 100 if a person stops responding or is slow to respond they aren't interested. When people are very interested in you, being "busy" is never an excuse. They will make the time. No point in worrying about "why" if someone you just met disappears. Best to just move on to someone does have a romantic interest in you.

As for the OP, his mistake was assuming there would be a second chance if he turned her down the first time. Yeah....it usually doesn't work the way he planned it in his head. You'd think turning a woman down for sex would mean you would get points for being respectful. This is true....but....only when dealing with a woman that actually wants to wait. Its not the same thing if she is ready to go and you pull back. Attractive women turn down men all the time. So when they're ready and willing they simply are not used to being told no, and they can get pretty angry about it. I am not saying OP should have consented if he didn't want to, but...he should have known that it wouldn't be seen as a good thing if he turned her down.


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

ReformedHubby said:


> I must be bored so I'm going to play devils's advocate here for a bit. I actually don't see anything wrong with the OP wanting someone that is really hot and or sexy. I guess I feel like its certainly not a forgone conclusion that just because a woman is really attractive she won't have the other qualities he is looking for. I also don't think we can assume that just because someone is plainer in appearance they are better people. I have dated women that are really attractive and honestly many of them were sweethearts. There are definitely cons to being a very attractive woman. Lots of unwanted attention from men, and honestly speaking there are women who don't like pretty women either.
> 
> On another note I also find it interesting that people have very different views on what initial communication should be like when meeting someone new for the first time. I have seen numerous messages on here where folks worry about the amount of time between text messages. Did they text too much? Or not enough etc. etc. when a person stops responding. Honestly 99 times out of 100 if a person stops responding or is slow to respond they aren't interested. When people are very interested in you, being "busy" is never an excuse. They will make the time. No point in worrying about "why" if someone you just met disappears. Best to just move on to someone does have a romantic interest in you.
> 
> As for the OP, his mistake was assuming there would be a second chance if he turned her down the first time. Yeah....it usually doesn't work the way he planned it in his head. You'd think turning a woman down for sex would mean you would get points for being respectful. This is true....but....only when dealing with a woman that actually wants to wait. Its not the same thing if she is ready to go and you pull back. Attractive women turn down men all the time. So when they're ready and willing they simply are not used to being told no, and they can get pretty angry about it. I am not saying OP should have consented if he didn't want to, but...he should have known that it wouldn't be seen as a good thing if he turned her down.


Amen brother looking back I think that’s exactly what happened. I think she really wanted it when I was trying to be respectful and her ego took a hit


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

turnera said:


> My brother-in-law. He's 60 now, never been married, never had a relationship longer than 6 months. confused, this is you in 30 years. Is that what you really want? NO woman is going to stay with you, hot or not, until you fix yourself.


LOL every relationship I’ve had lasted years. I was in an eight year relationship engaged but I broke it off. And then multiple three and four year relationship after that. I know what I want and I won’t settle for less it’s just every absolutely gorgeous woman I find has ****ing issues.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ReformedHubby said:


> I must be bored so I'm going to play devils's advocate here for a bit. I actually don't see anything wrong with the OP wanting someone that is really hot and or sexy. I guess I feel like its certainly not a forgone conclusion that just because a woman is really attractive she won't have the other qualities he is looking for. I also don't think we can assume that just because someone is plainer in appearance they are better people. I have dated women that are really attractive and honestly many of them were sweethearts. There are definitely cons to being a very attractive woman. Lots of unwanted attention from men, and honestly speaking there are women who don't like pretty women either.
> 
> On another note I also find it interesting that people have very different views on what initial communication should be like when meeting someone new for the first time. I have seen numerous messages on here where folks worry about the amount of time between text messages. Did they text too much? Or not enough etc. etc. when a person stops responding. Honestly 99 times out of 100 if a person stops responding or is slow to respond they aren't interested. When people are very interested in you, being "busy" is never an excuse. They will make the time. No point in worrying about "why" if someone you just met disappears. Best to just move on to someone does have a romantic interest in you.
> 
> As for the OP, his mistake was assuming there would be a second chance if he turned her down the first time. Yeah....it usually doesn't work the way he planned it in his head. You'd think turning a woman down for sex would mean you would get points for being respectful. This is true....but....only when dealing with a woman that actually wants to wait. Its not the same thing if she is ready to go and you pull back. Attractive women turn down men all the time. So when they're ready and willing they simply are not used to being told no, and they can get pretty angry about it. I am not saying OP should have consented if he didn't want to, but...he should have known that it wouldn't be seen as a good thing if he turned her down.


In general, sure, anyone can be a good person. But of all the good persons he's dated, none of them are worth 'keeping' because he gets bored. And apparently none of the hot ones have been into a relationship


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

confused0000 said:


> LOL every relationship I’ve had lasted years. I was in an eight year relationship engaged but I broke it off. And then multiple three and four year relationship after that.


So that makes you at least, what, 36, 40? Starting to sound like my brother-in-law.



> I know what I want and I won’t settle for less it’s just every absolutely gorgeous woman I find has ****ing issues.


So you've already seen the pattern - you go after an absolutely gorgeous woman and she turns out to be not worth keeping. Hmmm.

Look, do what you want to do, you obviously think you've got it all figured out. But you did come here thinking you needed help with something...you just seem think that help requires NOT looking at yourself, so...good luck.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> I must be bored so I'm going to play devils's advocate here for a bit. I actually don't see anything wrong with the OP wanting someone that is really hot and or sexy. I guess I feel like its certainly not a forgone conclusion that just because a woman is really attractive she won't have the other qualities he is looking for.



Nobody is saying that the two are exclusive. (My wife is beautiful, attractive AND is sincere and down to earth.)
However this woman already proved herself that she’s into mind games and drama. 
This screams high maintenance to me. 




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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> LOL every relationship I’ve had lasted years. I was in an eight year relationship engaged but I broke it off. And then multiple three and four year relationship after that. I know what I want and I won’t settle for less it’s just every absolutely gorgeous woman I find has ****ing issues.




There are also ‘normal’ gorgeous women. Just takes a bit longer to find them (or you have to snap them up early enough).
Can’t you tell already if someone has issues? I usually spot it straight away.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

turnera said:


> In general, sure, anyone can be a good person. But of all the good persons he's dated, none of them are worth 'keeping' because he gets bored. And apparently none of the hot ones have been into a relationship


None of the hot women he dated were interested an a relationship with HIM.
He is trying to date out of his league looks wise.
So the only really hot women who will date him are also crazy.
There’s probably a mathematical theorem to prove this.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> As for the OP, his mistake was assuming there would be a second chance if he turned her down the first time. Yeah....it usually doesn't work the way he planned it in his head. You'd think turning a woman down for sex would mean you would get points for being respectful. This is true....but....only when dealing with a woman that actually wants to wait. Its not the same thing if she is ready to go and you pull back. Attractive women turn down men all the time. So when they're ready and willing they simply are not used to being told no, and they can get pretty angry about it. I am not saying OP should have consented if he didn't want to, but...he should have known that it wouldn't be seen as a good thing if he turned her down.



I’m not sure this is true either; it could just as easily happened that if he went ahead and pushed for sex, she would have found it too ‘pushy’ and turned him down (or complained about harassment or whatever). Sometimes you can’t win. And in a game in which you can’t win, the only reasonable choice is not to play it. 
< game over >


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

OK so I invited her to go see a movie tonight she replied back with,

Hi sweetie I’m sorry but I have plans tonight.

What’s a good response?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> OK so I invited her to go see a movie tonight she replied back with,
> 
> Hi sweetie I’m sorry but I have plans tonight.
> 
> What’s a good response?


Text her and tell her you love her with all your heart and want to marry her and have children with her.
Because it’s the truth.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

I think this guy is in high school......."Gee.....do ya think she likes me?" "Do ya?" "Do ya?" "What should I do?" "I'm so confused..."


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

betrayedone said:


> i think this guy is in high school......."gee.....do ya think she likes me?" "do ya?" "do ya?" "what should i do?" "i'm so confused..."


truth


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

confused0000 said:


> OK so I invited her to go see a movie tonight she replied back with,
> 
> 
> 
> ...



‘Sweetie’ = condescending.

Are you trying to win her back? You probably can’t. She’s messing with you.


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> ‘Sweetie’ = condescending.
> 
> Are you trying to win her back? You probably can’t. She’s messing with you.
> 
> ...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

inmyprime said:


> I’m not sure this is true either; it could just as easily happened that if he went ahead and pushed for sex, she would have found it too ‘pushy’ and turned him down (or complained about harassment or whatever). Sometimes you can’t win. And in a game in which you can’t win, the only reasonable choice is not to play it.
> < game over >


Most women are extremely sensitive to even the choice of words, let alone tone, language, etc. If a guy comes across as the least bit creepy, she'll drop him like a hot potato.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> I must be bored so I'm going to play devils's advocate here for a bit. I actually don't see anything wrong with the OP wanting someone that is really hot and or sexy. I guess I feel like its certainly not a forgone conclusion that just because a woman is really attractive she won't have the other qualities he is looking for. I also don't think we can assume that just because someone is plainer in appearance they are better people. I have dated women that are really attractive and honestly many of them were sweethearts. There are definitely cons to being a very attractive woman. Lots of unwanted attention from men, and honestly speaking there are women who don't like pretty women either.


There are lots of gorgeous women who are also wonderful people. I don't think anyone is denying that. 

But if you chase drama, you will get drama. And if you think you can somehow "fix" drama by playing the game just right and sending exactly the right text ...

..well you're just fooling yourself.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

confused0000 said:


> We just hung out


Yeah, that's because all 30-somthing, successful, and confident men "hang out" with their babes, right?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

confused0000 said:


> *I'm mid 30's* she's late 20's from Brazil.





confused0000 said:


> I mean if you want to put it that way that’s fine, however the women that do want to date me that are Semi-attractive and our normal just don’t do anything for me. *I’ve had dozens of women that are wonderful it’s just they don’t do anything for me*
> 
> So I am immediately attracted to these girls that are insanely attractive but play these games I guess it’s at catch 22





turnera said:


> If you've 'had' dozens of women, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong in your head.
> 
> And if you only want women who play hard to get, you're even worse off.
> 
> ...





confused0000 said:


> *every relationship I’ve had lasted years.* I was in an eight year relationship engaged but I broke it off. And then multiple three and four year relationship after that. I know what I want and I won’t settle for less it’s just every absolutely gorgeous woman I find has ****ing issues.


Two things going on here:

1. The guy does not tell the truth. A guy in his mid 30's can't have had dozens of relationships, each lasting for years. He would be in his 90's for that to be true. lol He is actually an immature player. His "relationships" were actually FB relationships, and probably the girls didn't know they were being used but were hoping for marriage. He had casual sexual ONS and short FB relationships on the side while he was in the more committed relationships.

2. What he is experiencing is cultural. He is from *Brazil.* Not meaning to slam Brazilians, but many people, male and female play games in that culture. Men are cassanovas and women put up with it, and/or play a female version of cassanova, while pretending to be "proper." Men give lip service to fidelity, and chase booty constantly. Women are either the same way, or they are loyal to their husbands while constantly complaining about his constant infidelity. "Boys will be boys" is the attitude there.

With regard to "relationship maturity" a 35 year old South American male has the maturity of a 15-22 year old man from a European or North American culture. Hence, what you are reading in this "mid 30's Brazilian" man's thread, who is pining for a gorgeous woman in her 20's. She knows what he is all about, and she is making sure she is in control. She has to be that way, or he will use her and dump her for someone who is a challenge. Her challenge will be to keep him wrapped around her finger until he marries her. Her next challenge will be to not give up her joy while he cheats on her for the rest of their marriage.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

wild jade said:


> But if you chase drama, you will get drama. And if you think you can somehow "fix" drama by playing the game just right and sending exactly the right text ...
> 
> ..well you're just fooling yourself.


 In the words of Jack White: "If you're looking for hot water don't act shocked when you get burned a little bit."


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## confused0000 (Mar 29, 2018)

Update... here’s the current situation. So we hung out two Wednesdays ago before Thanksgiving that’s when she gave me the I’m going to leave you with blue balls statement. So I reached out to her a few times over the last week and a half with no response she basically ghosted me. Until today.

She responds with, “hola Papi I am sorry I have been distant I’m just extremely busy. I saw you today.”

Now in the last week and a half I’ve managed to set up three new dates with three different girls this weekend, My question is how long should I wait to reply to her message and what should I say


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

confused0000 said:


> Update... here’s the current situation. So we hung out two Wednesdays ago before Thanksgiving that’s when she gave me the I’m going to leave you with blue balls statement. So I reached out to her a few times over the last week and a half with no response she basically ghosted me. Until today.
> 
> She responds with, “hola Papi I am sorry I have been distant I’m just extremely busy. I saw you today.”
> 
> Now in the last week and a half I’ve managed to set up three new dates with three different girls this weekend, My question is how long should I wait to reply to her message and what should I say


How about don't reply until after your dates. If the dates weren't interesting, hit up other girl and make sure you are only doing it to catch up, not to chase her.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

confused0000 said:


> Update... here’s the current situation. So we hung out two Wednesdays ago before Thanksgiving that’s when she gave me the I’m going to leave you with blue balls statement. So I reached out to her a few times over the last week and a half with no response she basically ghosted me. Until today.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Just don’t. Easy peasy. 


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