# Its and affair, what steps do i take?



## Crowe (Jan 5, 2013)

I posted on the general discussion previously this month "recent blowup" and "what else is she trying to tell me? 
20 Year marriage, Kids in grade school, and now i found a text that tells me that she has a relationship with a man from our small town. He has kids that our kids attend school with. My kids are involved in many extracaricular activities with his. 
I was advised by a counselor to confront the OM and then confront my wife. I did. He told me that the relationship was primarily texting between parents, a little discussion about marriage. He is a few years into reconsiling his marriage after he cheated on his wife,and they go to counseling together. He said that my wife was someone that he could talk to and he felt that he could help her. He appologised to me. I demanded no further contact and he agreed.
MY wife texted him before I got home and was told by him that I was by his office and had the discussion. So, she was tipped off.
My wife admitted to me that there was infact an emotional relationship primarily through text. It took me some time to get her to finally admit it but by the end of 5 hours of discussion, she tells me this:
She had been frustrated with our marriage, felt lonely and angry at me. He persued her after a casual first text related to an event that the kids were doing though shcool. He began to persue her. She let him know that she was married and committed. He was aggressive, texted frequently.He sent nude photos, she sent pics too. She tells me that she did feel "addicted" to him. She admits to meeting him out on 2 occasions, one that ended in him giving her a quick Kiss, and the next resulting in a longer kiss that she enjoyed and reciprocated in. 
She tells me that she does not love him in fact has been trying to find a way to end it .She has found that my recent attempts to become a better husband have helped her to realize that she is in love with me. She does not want to leave me now that she has the man (Me) that she married back in her life. This supposedly happened over a period of 3 to 4 months. She denies any sexual activity of course.

I need advice on exposure. Do I? Lots of kids and family at stake here. Small comunity. I plan on exposure but need to know who to expose to, and what consequences to expect. 
With the current info available, reconciling is my choice today. Do i call her mom, sister, friends. OM's wife?
Besides Kays Map, what other reading do i need to do?

Do we start MC immediately?

She agrees to std testing.
How do I ever sleep again?
I'm exhausted so what other info do you need from me?
Thanks.


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Yes you should go to marriage counseling. But one with experience over infidelity. Don't go to one who will try to rugsweep and blameshift. There are some awful ones out there as well as some awesome ones. Shop around.

Get paternity testing. Don't say "Oh, but they look just like me." Tell your wife about this, too. This is done mainly to make her know how much she has broken your trust. And also don't forget that affairs are fantasy lands. When WW sees what she does has an effect on real everyday life, this will be push for her out of WW fog.

I think you should expose to OMW nonetheless. The OM will probably move onto another woman after your wife. She is now in false R and deserves to know. Plus she'll be another set of eyes looking for traces of ongoing affair.

I tend to think of nuclear exposure as a warning shot. If you believe that the affair is over and there is no contact and you can prove this by phone records, voice recordings etc. then hold off the nuclear exposure. 

But know this. She is an addict and it takes nearly one month to get rid of the addiction. She will say that it's over out of fear. If she was truly trying to end it before you found out, why was she tipped off that you were by his office? She will try to break the no contact rule. If she does, Fire the warning shot. Don't tell her that you are going to expose. JUST EXPOSE. This is important, don't let her talk you out of it. Don't let her paint you as the bad guy in this. Just expose but do it non-vindictively. Saying that "She is in an affair, I want to save my marriage, could you talk to her "etc. There are people here who ca give you on what to say during exposure better than me.

If that doesn't work, file for divorce. Then we'll try to help you on from there.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you think the affair is really over hold off on the exposure.

What you need to do now is verify. 

Put a VAR under the front seat of her car and one in the house where she might phone from. Since he is an experienced cheater, a lot of them know about the VAR under the front seat and you may want to put it well up in the dash.

Check phone /text records. Look for a burner phone.

If she uses the home computer put a keylogger on it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

How "hard" did you convince the OM? Expose to his wife and let her know her reconcilliation is false.


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## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

Ok here is some advice for you:

First: you must know that cheaters lie as you saw yourself by talking to OM...he lied that it was just talking and your WW said that they were kissing...But she is a cheater too and she is also in "damage control mode" as the OM was and thats why you should demand a polygraph test...Being in a 3-4 month affair and only kissing twice,well if you believe this I have a bridge to sell you...Schedule a polygraph because you need the truth and because you need to know what you are forgiving...

Second: your WW is blaming the OM for the affair (He began to persue her,etc...) and this is a wrong mindset for reconciliation...She must own up for her actions because an affair is an relationship an its a two way street just like your marriage and just like she choose to step out of your marriage by inviting a third person in your relationship she also choose to respond positive on OM advances to seduce her...So its her fault too and its even more her fault then OMs because he is not married with you,she is...

Third: You should expose and it should be your first step before even trying to reconcile...It doesnt matter how big or small the community is,you expose to her family,your family,your children,friends and OMs wife who is clearly in an fake reconciliation because he is cheating on her with your wife...

Thats it for now...

Good Luck


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Bugz Bunny said:


> Ok here is some advice for you:
> 
> First: you must know that cheaters lie as you saw yourself by talking to OM...he lied that it was just talking and your WW said that they were kissing...But she is a cheater too and she is also in "damage control mode" as the OM was and thats why you should demand a polygraph test...Being in a 3-4 month affair and only kissing twice,well if you believe this I have a bridge to sell you...Schedule a polygraph because you need the truth and because you need to know what you are forgiving...
> 
> ...


Agreed he has to dig as the whole truth never comes out. Massive exposure if the affair has ended is counter productive. If she has ended it and he embarasses her in front of everyone they know it will be very hard to put this back together.

The point of exposure is to break up an ongoing affair.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I don't believe him or your wife about it being over. I don't think it will end this quickly or quietly. I think the text from other man to your wife immediately after he agreed to no contact points to this. It is your marriage, it is your lying cheating wife, so you can draw your own conclusions.

I also don't believe about stopping at kissing. I just don't feel that two adults spend a lot of time texting sexual messages to each other, sending nude pictures to each other, then stop at kissing when they do meet up. Have you been getting sex from your wife while this supposedly was going on?

I also don't believe she only met him two times. It is a small town, you both live there, so they could have met many times.

I also don't believe she is not in love with him. He called her and told her what he confessed to, then she toed the party line with you and only told you more after pushing and pushing for five straight hours. She only fed you as much of the truth that she felt she had to in order to make you believe it.

As you can tell, I think it's best to assume the worst and hope for the best.

First step, tell other man's wife what you know. Do not tell your wife you are going to do this. Before you do it, ask your wife to give you copies of all pictures and texts. Give them to other man's wife if she asks.

You can expect him to contact your wife immediately. You can expect her to take the call. You can expect her to go ballistic about how you could harm his wife, an innocent victim. Your wife will take the position that his wife does not deserve to know what a lying snake she is married to, does not deserve to know about the cancer eating away at her marriage. You can expect your wife storm out of the house and go live with her mother or friend, and tell you that she was going to work on the marriage, but now she's not because she does not want to be married to someone so thoughtless and cruel. The real reason is she is in love with other man, wanted to continue the affair, and doesn't want to see him get hurt. This sounds like it will make you lose your marriage; in fact, it is just about the only way you can save it. She will get over her anger of exposure, and the affair will die in the light of day. The affair will not end without exposure. There will be renewed contact.

I do not recommend exposing to your and her family until you see how the exposure to the other man's wife plays out. If it plays out as I've stated above, expose to your and her family and friends.

Here is some advice I seem to post for somebody every few days. It seems like no one ever follows it, but I believe it is a proven formula for success. I doubt you will follow it, either, you seem too afraid of losing your marriage. I can tell you this, you already lost your marriage. Your wife had to lose major respect for you in order to cheat on you and she will lose even more respect for you if you are willing to accept her half-truths and lies and just take her back after she cheated. Here it is - adapt it to your own situation:

_We see this so much, I post this at least once a week. Cheaters follow a pretty predictable script. They cheat, they lie, they get caught, they deny, they tell you only what you can actually prove, their story doesn't make sense, as you poke holes in it, a little more truth comes out a little at a time. They are in a fantasy love affair that involves only fun and sex and good times - no chores, no troubled finances, no screaming kids, no cleaning the house. They have the butterflies in the stomach, everything the other man says is funny or brilliant, while everything you say is petty or annoying.

The main characteristic of the cheater is lying. If their lips are moving ... Assume everything she tells you is a lie, unless it is backed up by verifiable proof or supported by her actions.

In order to find out where you stand, you will have to do a little investigating.

Check the phone bill. Look at how often they text. Even though they work together, it is likely they text each other often during the day. This could be useful info in breaking up the affair. They also probably text each other first thing every morning and last thing every night.

Buy a couple voice-activated recorders and some heavy-duty velcro. Put one in the house where she is likely to talk on the phone when you are not around and the other under the front seat of her car.

Assume the following is true unless you find out definitively otherwise:

1. Your wife and other man have told each other they are soul mates and destined to be together. They regularly have sex at work, on breaks, in the car at lunch.

2. Your wife and other man would be together already if not for their kids and their jobs and their reputations. Maybe other man is not ready to leave his wife yet and is stringing your wife along.

3. They are making plans to be together. They have pledged "not to give up on each other" or some such. They are in contact every single day - the first thing they do each morning and the last thing they do each night is contact each other.

When you confronted your wife originally about this situation, you did not take the steps needed to break up the affair. She SAID she wanted to work on the marriage. What she did was continue the affair. THAT is what we are talking about when we say watch the actions, not the words. By the way, your trying to be a better husband, changing the routine, had zero effect on her and her feelings toward other man. It did not cause her to continue the affair and nor did it cause her to end it. No matter how you acted, you only were a bystander as she fantasized about her perfect life with other man.

Your marriage MAY be salvageable. It may not.

Your story is not unique. Your wife is not unique. You are not unique. Your situation is very common. There always are a few variables, but nothing significantly different. Cheaters follow a very predictable script. Betrayed spouses also follow the script. The plot outline could take one of a few courses, like bad TV movies. You and your wife both are following the script to a T.

Your wife is "fence-sitting" and "eating cake." She "loves you but is not 'in love' with you." She is "in love" with the other man. This will run its course on its own. In about a year, or two, maybe at longest three. That's how long it takes to get over the "in love" feeling, which eventually turns into the kind of love you and your wife have for each other, the more mature settled kind of love, not the exciting, not-knowing-what's-going-to-happen-next, butterfly-in-the-stomach love. After the "in love" feeling wears off, your wife may stay with the other man out of habit for a year or a few more. Then she will contact you via Facebook, remembering only the good times, and want to reunite with you. If she doesn't meet anyone else in between. So, if you follow your current course, you might have your wife back in 7-10 years or so.

Your wife wants the safety of you at home and the excitement of her new lover. She's not going to give up either unless you force her to (or unless the other man gets hit by a bus, struck by lightning, finds someone else, or otherwise dumps her).

You can wait until hell freezes over and it still won't be enough time for your wife to decide to stay with you. The only way you are going to save your marriage is to end the affair. That is the first step and no guarantee that you can save your marriage.

Your wife is "in love" with the other man, which means she is infatuated, gets butterflies in the stomach, like a teenager with a crush. Her "affair" with the other man is pure fantasy-land; none of the harsh realities of life intrudes. In her affair with him, she does not have to pick up his dirty underwear off the floor, do laundry, cook, clean, or deal with any of life's unpleasantness. With him, there is only I love you's, sex, and talk of living in a perfect fantasy world together. Of course, no such perfect fantasy world awaits your wife, and somewhere deep down she knows that, but a big part of her wants to believe in that fantasy, just like you want to believe that she will come to her senses on her own. She won't.

Right now, she likes the fact that she can still have her other man knowing you will be there as a backup in case it falls through. She is sitting on the fence eating cake.

There is a reason she hasn't left you for him - what is it? The kids? The job? Other man's hesitance to leave his wife and family? If she is in love with him and they are soulmates destined to be together, why hasn't she left you for him yet?

Your first step is to talk to your wife. Get her alone without the kids around. Tell her that you love her and are sorry for whatever legitimate gripes she has against you, that you will improve yourself and improve your marriage, that you feel your marriage will be better than ever if you try to reconcile. Next, tell her that although you feel this way, you cannot go on this way any longer with her cheating on you. Give her a very short time to decide. An hour is not too short; at most, give her one day to decide. Tell her no decision means she chooses other man. Tell her you took vows together, you've been married many years, have had children together, and have been through life's ups and downs together and you don't plan on waiting any longer as her "backup plan" while she continues her affair with the other man.

If your wife does choose to commit to the marriage, she agrees to give up all contact with the other man now and forever, handwrite a no contact letter to the other man, quit her job, tell you the full truth of her affair, and give you complete transparency of all her communication devices and accounts. If she can't agree to this, file for divorce. Don't threaten it, just do it.

Divorce is a long process. You can always stop it if your wife comes to her senses. If not, you save yourself months and months of pain and unhappiness, which ends in a bad result anyway.

If your wife does not want to meet your conditions and work on the marriage, start moving on with your life. Stop engaging with her as your wife, and start engaging with her as your soon-to-be-ex-wife. Be pleasant, but not romantic. Talk to her only as needed to discuss the divorce settlement. If you are financing her affair in any way, stop. Definitely don't pay for any means she uses to cheat on you.

Also, if she doesn't choose to re-commit to the marriage right away, expose the affair to the other man's family and friends. Expose the affair to you and your wife's family and friends. Let them know the other man's name and ask for their support in saving your family and your marriage. Don't tell your wife you are going to do this, just do it. Expose the affair to their human resources, let the hospital know that they have been using company time to carry on their texting affair (assuming the phone bills show this is the case).

If you want to save your marriage, you have to be willing to lose it. You cannot "nice" your wife out of her affair.

The longer you allow this to go on, the more respect your wife is losing for you. She sees a weak-willed man who is not willing to stand up for himself. When she sees the other man, she sees a strong man who goes after what he wants and doesn't stop until he gets it. Other man may be belittling you to your wife every chance he gets. And if so she likely is listening to it and not disputing it. If the situation were reversed, do you think she would tolerate it? _


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

There is a rule of thumb in cheater speak, I can't remember it exactly but it is uncannily true very often it is called 'cheaters code'

We only met for coffee = We kissed

We kissed = We had a full on groping session

We groped each other = we had sex

We only had sex once = We had sex several times

We had sex several times = We were at it like rabbits

They will always, almost without fail, admit to what they think that you know and what they can get away with.

So judging from your post, and the fact that they had a chance to fabricate a story, plus the fact that he is a known adulterer it seems certain to me that they had sex. It's not a definite but if you read some of the stories here you will learn about trickle truth. I feel you are going to experience trickle truth first hand.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

VAR
Phone Records check
Keylogger
DNA tests 
STD tests
Polygraph
Expose to OMs wife


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Kissing + nude photos= they've been fvcking.

Don't believe either one of these liars.

Go into PI mode. Pretend that everything is fine, but VAR in her car and keylogger on her computer. Check her phone bill on-line to see if they are still texting/calling each other.

Sorry you are here. Your life will be irrevocably changed.

Re-read Will Kane's post about 20 times. He knows what he's talking about.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Go talk to the omw today! It's a small town so I assume you know where they live, go see her in person don't rely on email as that can be intercepted by om.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Crowe, please follow the advice given so far to help you uncover the full truth. You are getting trickle truth so far. I have to say the IMO, they just kissed = they had sex. Sorry, but I speak that from personal experience. They are not teenage children. Married adults that go to that point rarely stop at "just kissing". I hope I am wrong, and that you caught this before a full PA.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

If you don't believe her maybe it's polygraph time. You may get the truth just before the appointment. Make sure to tell his wife today.


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## Crowe (Jan 5, 2013)

Can anyone advise on the No Contact Letter please.

Thanks everyone.


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## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Agreed he has to dig as the whole truth never comes out. Massive exposure if the affair has ended is counter productive. If she has ended it and he embarasses her in front of everyone they know it will be very hard to put this back together.
> 
> The point of exposure is to break up an ongoing affair.


IMO the point of exposure is far more then just breaking an ongoing affair...

In a small community they will see each other a million times in the future and without exposure his WW will feel that she avoided a bullet because she had an affair and only her H and OMW know about it...Because of that she will always subconsciously be in a affair fog when she sees him in the future because except for her H and OMW no one knows and its her and OM dirty little secret and a possible spark to continue the affair but this time with better hiding...

Shame/embarrassment is a part of reconciliation,its a part of WW consequences for her affair...Shame will force her to think about her actions,it will force her out of the "fog"...Because of exposure when she sees him in the future it wont be a dirty little secret and she will be ashamed of her past actions when she sees him in the future...

In this case without exposure what are her consequences exactly because we already know about his consequences for her affair and its a lifetime of triggers,misery and trust issues...because of the consequences he will grow as a person and he will change because its what an affair does to a BS but what about her...without consequences for her actions there is no motivation for her to change and sorry but in this case without exposure there wont be any major consequences for her and there will probably be a second Dday...She already experienced the forbidden and the high of an affair and she got away pretty cheap...

In this particular case without exposure I just dont see any major consequences that would motivate her to evaluate her actions and motivate her to change...


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## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

Crowe said:


> Can anyone advise on the No Contact Letter please.
> 
> Thanks everyone.


No Contact Letter


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EAs are emotional. Pretty much a friendship that has bonded two people obsessively. An EA can turn romantic which then can turn sexual. It can also go flat to sexual but that is indicative of someone just looking to hookup and not really an EA. A purposeful cheater.

Sending nude picks and kissing are no longer an EA. That is now a sexual affair. Pics make it a level of cybersex. Kissing makes it a PA. Yes even short of penetration. This affair even if it is what she has told you is sexual and physical now.

Do I believe this is the limit? No way. 

First off he is a serial cheater. Secondly your wife indicated that she was open to a relationship with someone outside her marriage. So this is not one of those friendships that got too close. The OM at the least is a predator. But it appears she was looking too.

She must go total NC with this guy. You may have to move out of your community to save your marriage.
Even if it has slowed down it has the potential to fire up and for them to be f-buddies indefinitely.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

First, what stupid counselor told you to confront the OM and then your wife??

Second, I would tell the OM's wife no matter what. He sounds like a huge scumbag - in counseling for cheating on her and he does this!!

Third, start investigating your wife. Go stealth and find out what is really happening.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

Crowe said:


> Can anyone advise on the No Contact Letter please.
> 
> Thanks everyone.


If he lied to my face the way he did to you, I would read the No Contact letter to his face....this guy needs to be stopped. I would love to read it to him for you!


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Crowe said:


> It took me some time to get her to finally admit it but by the end of 5 hours of discussion, she tells me this:
> She had been frustrated with our marriage, felt lonely and angry at me.


How come she didn't mentioned or do anything about this BEFORE the EA?

Once they are in an A then the M can't stack up to the fantasy plus they have to try to justify having the A so they re-write your marital history. They have to believe their M sucked so they don't seem like such a bad person for doing it.

You rarely if ever hear a WS complain about their M before an A.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Crowe said:


> Can anyone advise on the No Contact Letter please.
> 
> Thanks everyone.


Your wife handwrites it on loose leaf or note paper. You tell her what to write. A large part of this exercise is observing how willing she is to write it. The letter has no terms of endearment, no "I'm sorry it didn't work out," no "I will always remember you," no niceties of any kind. This is what I like:

Other Man,

I am horribly ashamed of my behavior and I feel terrible that I risked losing my husband, who means more than anything in the world to me. Do not ever contact me again. If you ever attempt to contact me again in any way, shape, or form, I will file harassment charges against you.

Signed,

Wife's Name

Then she gives the letter to you, and you mail it to him. You proof read it first to make sure she didn't put in anything extra.

Your problem is that your wife IS going to have contact with this other man if his kids and your kids are involved in the same activities.

Make sure your wife knows what NO CONTACT means. It means that she does not answer any of his calls. She ignores them, does not delete them, and immediately tells you about them. If he tries to say hello to her in person, she runs the other way and immediately tells you about it. YOU and YOUR WIFE go to the police and tell them he is harassing your wife. If they can't do anything, you talk to the county prosecutor. You get a lawyer to send a no contact letter to him. You don't contact other man directly, but you make sure he gets the message that you mean business. Post him on cheaterville. Write his mom and dad a letter or call them and let them know what their son is up to. Show proof - the photos, if you can. Make sure he stays out of your and your wife's life.

I recommend a polygraph for your wife to see how far it went with other man. If she was in deeper than she has told you, which is just about a definite, then I recommend you move. What price do you think your kids would rather pay, switching towns and schools or having divorced parents? There have been too many cases on here where the affair started up again or never stopped when the affair partners lived close to each other and saw each other regularly. You know what they say afterward? It seemed like too much trouble to move, but in hindsight, I had to move anyway due to the divorce. Think about it.


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## Crowe (Jan 5, 2013)

*Re: Its an affair, what steps do i take?*

I spent several hours with my wife today and i spoke to the OM again. 
I let my wife know last night that she needed to make a decision now as to weather she is IN or OUT of this marriage. She chose IN without hesitation. I expressed conditions: NO contact with OM. No trickle down info. I gave her the opportunity to let every detail out right now. Sparing no details. STD testing. Recovery of text log. Exposure. Transparency, She agreed.
She gave me details to situations that I had no way of knowing or proving. She exposed painful truths. She maintains that there was no contact beyond kissing. Denies any form of sex. I expressed to her that if I find out that they had sex and she is withholding from me at this moment, the marriage will end. At first she hesitated at exposure to His wife on the basis that it would mean immediate divorce for them and break up of family with innocent children. I mentioned that the OM had exposed his OWN family to destruction without concern , and that his actions sure as Hell didn't show concern for tearing apart OUR family. And by the way, her action showed great disrespect for her own children. She Quickly changed her tune and agreed that exposure is needed. She is beginning to realize that she will soon own the reputation as "town *****", and seems to be taking responsibility. 
She is showing remorse for the destruction of our marriage, family,and the pain, humiliation and betrayal of me. 
She agrees to STD testing, called her MD and made arrangements for testing tomorrow morning. She opened the phone records on the computer to show me the call log, and agrees to go to the service provider and get the text log for the past 3 months. She had been sharing OM's texts with her best girlfriend. My WW called her girlfriend and asked her to send back any and all texts that she had shared. The friend did this. The friend confirmed that there was a naked photo of OM on my wife's phone. That she had admitted to a kiss, but had denied having sex. 
I believe that there is some daylight on this affair and she is taking responsibility showing ownership and remorse. I have repeatedly asserted my need to know everything and she can look at me clearly and let me know that there is no more to know. The book is open. ( according to the woman who lied,cheated and betrayed me). She offered to remove text service, offered to change her cell phone number , and when she left to take the kids out tonight, she offered to leave her phone with me. 

I spoke to the OM today.
I restated clearly, that he is not to communicate with my wife again, in any form. I expressed my intention to call police if he does. He is playing the role of shocked friend who can't understand why my wife would make such accusations about their behavior. He has a quick well articulated answer for every detail, with rationalizations of why he couldn't possibly have done this. I believe that he is a pathological predatory liar with a history of infadelity. The other option is that my wife has a psychological disorder and is seeking attention. I think the former, with strong elements of concerns for her mental state. He asserts further that he showed his wife the last few text messages from yesterdays communication with my wife. He agreed to have himself, me and his wife sit down and talk if needed. Funny he didn't include my wife. I saw his last few texts and they were carefully crafted to look as if he were asking my wife to stop communications and no further sexting. 
My wife responds to this by stating that he has expressed his great fear of breaking up his family and successful business, paying alimony and having to move out of the house. He is very inteligent and is sticking to his guns with the deny, deny, deny tactic that he taught my wife to stick to. 
I don't think he did show his wife. He is expecting that I won't and is bluffing to get me to back off. 

I believe that this shows my wife to be in a state of mind that is leaning toward hopeful. 
I have been telling her that I love her and that I will fight for her. I demand her honesty. 
I let her know that any action that I may take in light of this affair, is strictly in an effort to save this marriage. 
I appreciate your observations of what I have said and look forward to input to guide my further efforts, Thank you TAM members.


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## Crowe (Jan 5, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> Your wife handwrites it on loose leaf or note paper. You tell her what to write. A large part of this exercise is observing how willing she is to write it. The letter has no terms of endearment, no "I'm sorry it didn't work out," no "I will always remember you," no niceties of any kind. This is what I like:
> 
> Other Man,
> 
> ...


My wife let me know that she would agree to polygraph. We are starting to realize our situation and agreed that we may need to move. My wife was afraid to go to the school to pick up the kids today, fearing that she would see him.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Good for you Crowe. You have taken the bull by the balls and I hope it all works out for you ! Don't let up though, and absolutely expose this posOM to his wife ! They both seem to not want you to expose to her, so you have to do this ASAP !!


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I think you're doing very well.

One thing that I personally couldn't live with is wife's friend. That would be too big a trigger for me, and I couldn't trust that wife wasn't communicating to other man through what I would call a "toxic" friend. 

Did friend try to deter wife from affair, or egg her on, "you go, girl"? I say ditch the friend, too.

Especially a good sign that your wife agreed to out the other man and very well done by you to bluntly tell her how other man ruined his own children's happiness and your wife risked ruining her own children's lives as well.

I say expose to other man's wife - let her see the naked pic he sent.

I would NOT expose to your family and friends at this time. Save that for if you catch your wife resuming contact.

Voice-activated recorder in car and/or at home in place where wife would be likely to talk - for a week or two - likely will catch any renewed contact, or be able to get your wife's true feelings if she talks to toxic friend and, if all is well and wife is not up to anything, is a bit of a trust builder. I don't see a downside to it. It either alerts you to potential problems or helps you to rebuild your trust.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I have to agree with W_K.

When my wife was having an affair, she shared it with her best friend. Her best friend actually helped the affair progress and was having her own affair vicariously... excitement etc...

That friend is NOT a friend. The morals that someone has to conceal, enable an affair... It's aiding and abetting... The friend needs to go. You might want to let the friends husband know what she did. I did with mine... Worked wonders for me to be honest.


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## Crowe (Jan 5, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> I think you're doing very well.
> 
> One thing that I personally couldn't live with is wife's friend. That would be too big a trigger for me, and I couldn't trust that wife wasn't communicating to other man through what I would call a "toxic" friend.
> 
> ...


I was concerned about the friend at first because I resented my wife for involving her in our personal business. I do believe that the friend is urging my wife to make the marriage work. My wife visited her Several weeks prior to my learning of the affair (yesterday). They were together when a naked text came from om, my wife showed her the pic. The pic was deleted immediately.
She urged my wife to make the marriage work, let her know that D is not a pleasant lifestyle. I don't feel that she is toxic. This is a childhood friend of my wife. 
Working up the courage for exposure to OM's wife.
Thanks.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Crowe you handled yourself very well. You kept your wits at a time when it's so very easy to crumble. Your family, including your wife, is lucky to have you. 

Because of your determination your kids have a very good chance to be raised in a two-parent home.

I agree that the toxic friend should be dropped forevermore. She was a friend of the affair, not of your family.

Explain that to your wife. Tell her that a real friend would have talked sense into her and persuaded her to give up the affair. Friends sometimes have to do tough things to show real support. Helping the affair was the same as helping your wife to lose her family. She needs real friends, not people like the toxic friend.

The OM is telling his wife lies about you and your wife to protect himself. Don't ease up on him at all. 

Your wife is stepping up big. Give her credit but keep your eyes and ears open too.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Crowe stop talking to the man that intends to have sex with you wife. Stop wasting your breath on him.

Take the naked photo he sent your wife, and send it to his wife.

Tell her that her husband sent this to your wife who he has been grooming for an affair, and that he has already had at least one kissing session so far, possibly more.

Do not tell you wife you are doing it or have done it, do not warn anyone,

Wait a week. Then text the OMW again, to make sure you got her and it him. He is an experienced cheater.

Also be on the watch for your wife continuing contact with him, as an experienced cheater he will lie low and will see new contact with your wife when he thinks it is safe.


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## Crowe (Jan 5, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Crowe you handled yourself very well. You kept your wits at a time when it's so very easy to crumble. Your family, including your wife, is lucky to have you.
> 
> Because of your determination your kids have a very good chance to be raised in a two-parent home.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your kind encouragement walkonmars. A pat on the back feels great right now. 
My wife agreed to text the friend and have her(the friend) talk with me to give me whatever info I ask for.. My wife sent the text as we sat together. I plan to address the friend as i did the OM. I need to determine if she is supportive of our marriage. If not, I will demand NC from her. I need to know if the friend has had any contact with the OM. I will ask questions and look for the degree of consistency with my wife's statements. If I feel she is toxic, my wife will need to agree to NC.
My assessment this far is that she is on my side. My wife has told me that the friend told her to work on her marriage and that the affair was no good. My wife needs support right now.

I will not ease up on OM. I have finished talking to the POS. Next is action. 
Eyes and ears are wide open. 

Thanks to all of you.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Well done! You have done great!

And it sounds like your wife is pulling in to line willingly. It helps having a wife who has realised her wrongs and is willing to do all that is needed, and your actions have been decisive and serious and caused that reaction in your wife. I truly hope this continues on this positive note. Well done.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

You have to expose to OMW though. And just remember to keep your cool. 

He will have primed her already about this crazy woman who became infatuated with him and that her husband has found out and that they are now both after his ass. Make sure you have your answers at the ready that are cool calm and collected, and that you have all your evidence at the ready to show his wife. She deserves better than lies and STD's


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

good show, Crowe. you are one of the BS's who've followed through with proper "affair-busting" tactics.

all you need is exposure. don't let up now.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Crowe said:


> Thanks for your kind encouragement walkonmars. A pat on the back feels great right now.
> My wife agreed to text the friend and have her(the friend) talk with me to give me whatever info I ask for.. My wife sent the text as we sat together. I plan to address the friend as i did the OM. I need to determine if she is supportive of our marriage. If not, I will demand NC from her. I need to know if the friend has had any contact with the OM. I will ask questions and look for the degree of consistency with my wife's statements. If I feel she is toxic, my wife will need to agree to NC.
> My assessment this far is that she is on my side. My wife has told me that the friend told her to work on her marriage and that the affair was no good. My wife needs support right now.
> 
> ...


He lied about the nature of their affair whilst she, of course, told you the truth. YEAH, RIGHT...

STD tests. Now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Crowe said:


> I need to determine if she is supportive of our marriage. If not, I will demand NC from her. I need to know if the friend has had any contact with the OM. I will ask questions and look for the degree of consistency with my wife's statements. If I feel she is toxic, my wife will need to agree to NC.
> My assessment this far is that she is on my side. *My wife has told me that the friend told her to work on her marriage and that the affair was no good*. My wife needs support right now.
> I will not ease up on OM. I have finished talking to the POS. Next is action. Eyes and ears are wide open.
> Thanks to all of you.


Trust but verify, find out on your own (by reading their talks/texts) whther BFF was/is actually a friend of the marriage. For now your wife's words are to be taken with a grain of salt.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Way to go Crowe.

Demand respect from your wife by your actions!

But do me a favor.

Before you expose the OM put a VAR in her car or where she hangs out in the home.

Because I guarantee you that you will learn something about your wife and the Affair that you did not know before.

At least you will confirm if he has contacted her again when you told him to stop.

Protect yourself and take no prisoners.

HM64


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## bestplayer (Jan 23, 2010)

Crowe said:


> I posted on the general discussion previously this month "recent blowup" and "what else is she trying to tell me?
> 20 Year marriage, Kids in grade school, and now i found a text that tells me that she has a relationship with a man from our small town. He has kids that our kids attend school with. My kids are involved in many extracaricular activities with his.
> I was advised by a counselor to confront the OM and then confront my wife. I did. He told me that the relationship was primarily texting between parents, a little discussion about marriage. He is a few years into reconsiling his marriage after he cheated on his wife,and they go to counseling together. He said that my wife was someone that he could talk to and he felt that he could help her. He appologised to me. I demanded no further contact and he agreed.
> MY wife texted him before I got home and was told by him that I was by his office and had the discussion. So, she was tipped off.
> ...


If your wife has ended the affair & you want to save your M , exposing her affair to the whole community is absurd . What exactly is that you hope to acheive other than making your wife being embarrassed . How do you think it will help your kids & your faimly if everyone in your community knows that she is was an adultress & you are a great person as you didn't leave her ? 
I really sometimes find advices here that are simply ridiculous .


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## Crowe (Jan 5, 2013)

bestplayer said:


> If your wife has ended the affair & you want to save your M , exposing her affair to the whole community is absurd . What exactly is that you hope to acheive other than making your wife being embarrassed . How do you think it will help your kids & your faimly if everyone in your community knows that she is was an adultress & you are a great person as you didn't leave her ?
> I really sometimes find advices here that are simply ridiculous .


This is why I am reaching out for advice. I need to make sure that this thing dies in the light of day. I can't risk a pause in the action and find out that that it resumed underground. Exposure is documented here as necessary.
I am very concerned with the fallout. Cost/benefit analysis is called for.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Crowe said:


> This is why I am reaching out for advice. I need to make sure that this thing dies in the light of day. I can't risk a pause in the action and find out that that it resumed underground. Exposure is documented here as necessary.
> I am very concerned with the fallout. Cost/benefit analysis is called for.


I advocate wide exposure to *break up* an affair. Limited exposure: principally parents is a way for your wife to own up - but I don't think it's an absolute necessity. It IS a means by which she owns her actions and makes amends. It also gives a bit of insight to her and your close relatives who may have noticed tension - 

Exposure of the OM is a must for several reasons that have already been outlined.


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

Expose this man because he lied to your face, but not yet. Get more evidence first. Break into her phone and computer and use VARs.

95% chance they did more than kiss.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

bestplayer said:


> If your wife has ended the affair & you want to save your M , exposing her affair to the whole community is absurd . What exactly is that you hope to acheive other than making your wife being embarrassed . How do you think it will help your kids & your faimly if everyone in your community knows that she is was an adultress & you are a great person as you didn't leave her ?
> I really sometimes find advices here that are simply ridiculous .


Agree completely. It's like getting the white flag waved by the other country after a war and you go and drop the bomb on them anyway.

I see lots of great advice on here but sometimes the gang mentality around this place is sometimes completely over the top.

It's almost like some of these advice givers are living vicariously through the lives of new posters and projecting their negative emotions left over from their own experiences.

My summary of the best and worst advice on this thread:

- It appears you have a good chance at reconciling, here's another pat on the back for how you've dealt with the situation so far. You're doing better than most. 

- I think there's a good chance more happened physically then wife will admit, you need to accept the possibility that there was sex and how you will deal with it when and if it comes to light.

- Do continue to track her with a VAR, checking emails, and all the other "spy" techniques advocated on this site.

- Don't speak to the OM anymore. Make sure his wife knows about the EA.


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## bestplayer (Jan 23, 2010)

sharkeey said:


> Agree completely. It's like getting the white flag waved by the other country after a war and you go and drop the bomb on them anyway.
> 
> I see lots of great advice on here but sometimes the gang mentality around this place is sometimes completely over the top.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Crowe (Jan 5, 2013)

Thanks to everyone for helping me through this. Things seem to be going well. My WS and I have been spending lots of time together talking openly and letting each other know that we love each other. She has had her testing done, Ive spoken with her friends. Her current cell/text info is available to me. She seems to be honest and sincere with me.She continues to assure me that I know everything. This is as good as I could hope for under the circumstances. We are committed to saving our marriage and making it better. She acknowledges the pain that I feel related to betrayal and lying. 
It has been about a week now since this came into the open. My frame of mind until this point has been to fight for my marriage, find out info, plan, and act. Taking an offensive stance. 
Now i just feel awful. It is starting to occur to me that this is real, not just a bad dream. Life is going on as usual around me. But I will never be the same, my marriage will never be the same. It is so hard to trust her. I am so preoccupied by wanting to know details. I get thoughts throughout the day and night that shake me physically. I suppose this is a grieving process. I feel so low. My self respect is gone, i feel humiliated, jealous, inadequate, and rejected. I have no question. It seems to help me to write. Thanks.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Maybe get a few sessions of ic and start working out it will take time.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You're still in the shock phase/damage control mode right now. 

Get ready for the anger stage...

Really, I mean it. Because when the shock wears off and the full scope of what she has done sets in you're going to feel seething hatred for her the likes of which you have never felt in your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

my 2 cents:
i have never sent a nude pic to someone i wasnt fvcking.
just sayin.

good luck though you seem to be on the right track. and be ready for the anger bandit speaks of. it is unrelenting and extremely strong.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Why would you not expose to OMW? Not broad exposure to community, just to her?

There is no guarantee that OM will not approach your wife again 6 months down the line. What are you doing to affair proof your marriage externally?


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## Crowe (Jan 5, 2013)

Cdelta02 said:


> Why would you not expose to OMW? Not broad exposure to community, just to her?
> 
> There is no guarantee that OM will not approach your wife again 6 months down the line. What are you doing to affair proof your marriage externally?


I have spoken to OM 2x. The first time was to confront him about his interaction with my wife. He claimed that they would communicate mostly through texting and that they helped each other by having someone to talk with about marriage. He denied any sexual nature to their relationship. He told me that his wife knew that he was talking with my wife and that my wife's number is listed in his phone under her name. Nothing for him to hide. I let him know that he was not to communicate with my wife again. 
I then went home and spent the rest of the night with my wife learning that she had texted him that same day I visited him, and he texted back a reply indicating that he and I had spoken and that he was not to communicate with her any further. He crafted his response to her very carefully. A response that he could show his wife and say, " look, this crazy woman has been texting me and her husband came to my office to tell me to stay away from her. See my last text to her, I told her not to text me anymore. That her inappropriate texts have to stop".
That night when I talked with my wife I demanded the full story and threatened to end the marriage if I didn't get every detail. I have posted her responses to me, and her story has not varied since. I do believe her that she did not have sex with him. 
So the very next day after getting the "details", I called him on the phone to tell him that I will persue my legal options if Ifind out that he has attempted to contact my wife. I let him know that I will go to his wife if i need to. He offered to have her sit down with me and him if i wanted. He told me that he showed her the last texts from that day.
I do believe that he is full of shot. He had a 5 year affair and is in counseling with his wife. He is afraid of losing his family, home and half of the business, plus a hefty alimony payment. (my wife provided this info). I don't believe that he would show this info to his wife pre-emptivly, not with his history. 
I know who his wife is. Our kids are in the same school, same activities. It would be very easy for me to sidle up to her and say " I'm sorry about this situation between your husband and my wife". I believe that I could start a storm in his house very easily.
The fact is that we live in a small town. There are 2 families and kids at stake. I feel that my wife is committed to this marriage. I dont want to go nuclear. I do want the om's wife to know. I need to take my time, feel out my next interactions with, om/his wife. 
He has a lot to lose by persuing my wife further. There are way too many easy targets out there for this predator to go after. At one time he was making progress with her ( initiate, isolate, escalate). But my wife tells me that after our big blowout before Christmas , when I realized that she was so hurt, I started to give her attention, communicate honestly and tame my moods, she started to turn back to me. She was shutting down his advances, realizing that I was finally giving her what she needed. This whole thing started because i was shutting her out. We have made great progress.
Yes, I do realilze my need to affair proof. I just need time to make a decision about the OM's wife. 
Thank you.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Crowe said:


> I have spoken to OM 2x. The first time was to confront him about his interaction with my wife. He claimed that they would communicate mostly through texting and that they helped each other by having someone to talk with about marriage. He denied any sexual nature to their relationship. He told me that his wife knew that he was talking with my wife and that my wife's number is listed in his phone under her name. Nothing for him to hide. I let him know that he was not to communicate with my wife again.
> I then went home and spent the rest of the night with my wife learning that she had texted him that same day I visited him, and he texted back a reply indicating that he and I had spoken and that he was not to communicate with her any further. He crafted his response to her very carefully. A response that he could show his wife and say, " look, this crazy woman has been texting me and her husband came to my office to tell me to stay away from her. See my last text to her, I told her not to text me anymore. That her inappropriate texts have to stop".
> That night when I talked with my wife I demanded the full story and threatened to end the marriage if I didn't get every detail. I have posted her responses to me, and her story has not varied since. I do believe her that she did not have sex with him.
> So the very next day after getting the "details", I called him on the phone to tell him that I will persue my legal options if Ifind out that he has attempted to contact my wife. I let him know that I will go to his wife if i need to. He offered to have her sit down with me and him if i wanted. He told me that he showed her the last texts from that day.
> ...


I absolutely would not suggest going nuclear on him right now. However, there is a lot of value in letting OMW know. If he is a serial and long term cheater who hasnt faced true consequences yet, which is what he is, he will still take this as a game. He will be brazen enough to reach out to your W when things have cooled down just to see if there is anything possible. People like these dont think things through. They are broken inside and are very selfish. Putting OMW on the lookout is a positive step and enables a layer of protection in addition to what you would or could do.

My suggestion: Expose to OMW for sure. Hold off on going nuclear as you said. Wait and watch your W's actions in the long term - say 4-6 months. Then decide what you want to do for the broader exposure.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

There aren't two families at stake there is only one. Your family is already in the storm and you just said he wrote the reply to blame your wife.

Why are you protecting the OM that helped hurt your marriage? No, you aren't protecting families, kids or the OMW by remaining silent. You are helping him.

Nuclear is putting an ad in the paper, putting him on cheaterville, sending the link to his boss, telling EVERYONE in the community and paying for a TV commercial.

Telling a hurting wife and kids, in counseling, is helping her make an informed choice. It is always funny how the spouse will accept full forblame an affair, full credit for R to save THEIR family, will rationalize being quiet to save the other family, but won't accept blame when people say inform the spouse and the OS's family falls apart.

If you are going to take the credit, you should take the blame as well.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

It sounds like OM is predatory. Definately tell his wife no matter what, she deserves to know what he is doing. However, depending upon her state of mind she may elect not to believe you. I say elect because inside she will know what you are saying is true. At any rate she needs to be told and then she can do as she pleases with the info.

Now as to the predatory nature of OM. I think you should confide in one or two friends. A close friend that will be able to advice you and provide support, and also a friend that is not so close and prone to gossip. Small town talk will take care of the rest. Other husbands in your community need to be aware of this guy's nature and be on their guard against him.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

sandc said:


> It sounds like OM is predatory. Definately tell his wife no matter what, she deserves to know what he is doing. However, depending upon her state of mind she may elect not to believe you. I say elect because inside she will know what you are saying is true. At any rate she needs to be told and then she can do as she pleases with the info.
> 
> Now as to the predatory nature of OM. I think you should confide in one or two friends. A close friend that will be able to advice you and provide support, and also a friend that is not so close and prone to gossip. Small town talk will take care of the rest. Other husbands in your community need to be aware of this guy's nature and be on their guard against him.


:iagree:Get the word out on him and other friends can keep an eye on him also.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

At the very least, you have a moral obligation to tell the OM's wife.

He is using and abusing her without her knowledge.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You can always come up with a lot of rationalizations on why not to act.

The fact is , this guy is a predator and your wife is his prey. The cost is you family. 

By keeping his secret you are aiding and abetting him.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

OK Crowe take this for what it is worth.

Another poster on here found out that his wife and a friend were having an EA. 

He confronted both just as you did.

Both denied at first, then tried to claim just friends - just like happened to you.

Then both swore to stop all contact between them and both apologized to him for their inappropriate actions. Just like your situation.

The OM begged him to not tell his wife.

He did not expose to OMW because he did not want to ruin OMW's family or his own wife's reputation. Just like you.

He monitored phone records and VAR's and saw that they indeed had stopped texting and talking on the phone. Just like you are likely to find.

Then after a few months of presumed no contact he found out that OM had stopped by the wife's work place and they started a full blown sexual PA and had been at it for two months before the poor husband found out about it. (I really hope the "just like you " is not coming here)

You should tell OM's wife. She deserves to know what kind of POS she is married to. She and her kids will be fine.

At the very least post this POS on cheaterville.com


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Other man already is in counseling for a five-year affair. Then he started down that road with your wife, too. KNOWING he could lose all the stuff you posted he could lose. So don't count on him being afraid to lose his stuff as a barrier to him starting up again with your wife. His past behavior has shown he doesn't learn from his mistakes.

About him having many other candidates to start an affair with - that is iffy at best. He already put some work in with your wife.

Regarding your wife now getting what she needs from you so not needing to go outside the marriage to get it - a lot of posters on this forum posit this type of stuff and I never buy it. Going outside the marriage shows bad character. That's not fixed because you're paying attention for a few days or a few weeks. The underlying problem still is there.

At the time you caught your wife, she had texted other man the very same day, and she had initiated that contact, yet she told you she was ending it because she realized she was in love with you. I don't know about you, but that really rubs me the wrong way.

The way your wife has completely turned around, given up the other man to whom she was "addicted," stopped cold turkey, makes me question how much you can trust anything she says.

One minute she's texting and sexting other man like a madwoman, the next minute - and only after you caught her - she says she's fine with ending it all and she says she was going to end it anyway - those are the facts, everything else is just talk.

Another thing that rubs me the wrong way is that she was sharing all of other man's texts with her girlfriend. To me, it shows a lack of shame on your wife's part. Like your wife didn't feel what she was doing was wrong, as a matter of fact, that she felt what she was doing was right, and she was so proud of it, that she had to share it with her girlfriend. To me, that adds another level to this whole thing. Bad enough you're going to cheat on me, but you're going to tell your girlfriend about it? Why? 

Your wife admits to exchanging naked photos with other man and kissing other man but does not admit to sex. Does she admit that having sex with him crossed her mind? If other man had tried for sex, would your wife have had sex with him? What does your wife say about that, or have you not asked her this?

This situation makes me question whether your wife is reconciling out of love or out of fear (of losing her stable lifestyle, financial support, reputation).

Is your wife closer to her girlfriend than she is to you? Does she share more of herself, her feelings, with her girlfriend than she does with you?


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

Crowe said:


> Yes, I do realilze my need to affair proof. I just need time to make a decision about the OM's wife.
> Thank you.


Do you not understand that one of the best ways to affair-proof your marriage right now is to tell OM's wife? This will put a second set of eyes on the two of them - she'll be watching from her side, whether she professes to believe you or not. 

You have delayed so long in completing this task that OM has had plenty of time to spin the story to his benefit. I'm sure he's told his wife that you are some crack-pot, whacko husband with a wild imagination. She's going to be inclined to believe him. And why wouldn't she? She's got no reason NOT to. 

Expose to her - and be ready to show her the texts and the nude pic that her WH sent your WW. If that doesn't convince her, she is refusing to be convinced. 

In my sitch, the OW's husband knew for 3 months that my H's relationship with his wife was 'inappropriate'. He waffled that long in telling me, and by then it had progressed from an EA to a PA. Oh, sure - he threatened my H with exposing to me and their employer. Just like you have. You know what that accomplished? It forced them to go underground and gave his wife ample time to convince him that the A was over and all was well. (BTW, she lied to her H about not having sex with my H - just an FYI.)

I would have given ANYTHING to have someone care enough about me to have exposed it immediately. Co-workers knew, her husband knew, and they all kept their mouths shut. Protecting me, don'tcha know. Keeping my marriage 'safe' for me. Thanks for nothing, gang. :banghead:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You need to expose to the OMW right now.

This will gaurantee he stays away from your wife
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dgtal (Jun 11, 2010)

Expose!!! Expose!!! Expose!!! to the OMW
They will reconnect if you dont do it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> The way your wife has completely turned around, given up the other man to whom she was "addicted," stopped cold turkey, *makes me question how much you can trust anything she says.*


Yep, this why I finally joined and keep investigating. I needed validation that I wasn't being a paranoid controlling jerk for not believing she quit "cold turkey."


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