# Physical fight may end my marriage!



## ah1986 (Jun 2, 2010)

Last night I accidentally elbowed my wife in between her legs in the dark on our couch. She moved her leg close to my face and I went to block it but missed hitting her between her legs. I was so sorry, but she was already mad, so I told her she shouldn't have tried to kick my face. She says that she was just moving her leg, but by now I didn't want to say sorry right away because she was getting on to me like a little kid. So we go to bed and she's walking funny, but I'm still a bit insensitive from the earlier argument and don't apologize still. This was my fault, I should have said sorry before we went to bed. 
By morning she's still hurt, but I don't find out until she starts yelling at me. I tell her I'm sorry that I hurt her that much, I didn't mean to, it was dark and I thought you were going to kick me. Not good enough, it never is, and the fight escalates. I yell, she yells, then she comes at me determined to make me feel her pain. She tries to knee me, slap me, punch me, kick me, but only lands one before I grab her arms and hold her tight telling her to calm down. This doesn't work, she's still being violent so I pin her to the ground until she gives up trying to hurt me. At this point she bonked her head on the carpet, an unintentional result, I was trying to be firm, but not trying to hurt her. When I let her go she says she hates me and spits in my face. Goes on and on how we need a divorce now that we had a physical fight. 
What am I supposed to do if she comes at me in her enraged state? I'm not going to let her hurt me, but I can't really fight back. I thought I was completely in my boundaries to hold her tight so she couldn't hit me. I didn't hit her, or attack her, I just defended myself as much as I had to. 
If this doesn't end our marriage, what do I do if she comes at me again? Just let her do it so she can't say that I'm being abusive. 
I'm confused and scared, and I can only assume she is as well. Is this a deal breaker? Did I ruin everything? This wasn't supposed to happen. We've had bad fights before and when she gets hysterical (literal kicking and screaming) I usually hold her until she calms down, this usually works, but not this time. 
What do I do?
Should I prepare for a divorce?
Help me please?


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## WantsHappiness (Jun 17, 2009)

The first problem here is that your immediate reaction to her moving her leg was that she was going to kick you. Why? You can never assume you know what someone else's intentions are. She has a history of kicking and screaming when you fight? Literally kicking you? You should never have to get into the habit of holding down your wife to keep her from attacking you. Never.

It sounds like there are some issues with her temper and of course you should have apologized immediately after unintentionally hurting her. You know that, not much you can do about it now and a delayed apology won’t mean anything. I would recommend marriage counseling for the two of you if you plan to stay married. But first you need to have a calm discussion about whether or not you both want to continue in this relationship. If I were you I would be having that conversation in a somewhat public place.

What do you do when she comes at you in an enraged state? Don’t respond. End the conversation and tell her that you’ll resume once you are both calm and rational. Leave the home and go for a walk if you have to, tell her that you’re leaving so both of you can cool off and you will be back in 15 minutes. Do not yell back. That will only escalate the situation and it will be hard but no matter what you do you need to keep a calm, even voice and a rational mind. If it gets really out of control you need to be prepared to call the police.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

You certainly have the right to hold her if she's trying to attack you. she's lucky you dont smack her. You could also tell her you're going to file a report next time she does it. she needs a reality check. and you can always leave.

she really hates you. what's been going on in your marriage? how long have you been married? how old are you both? any kids? this isnt about the incident you mentioned. something else must have happened to make her act this way.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

I would be scared to death sleeping next to a woman like that. Never know what she might do to me in the middle of the night if she's really pissed at me.

She's got major issues with aggression. And I'm really not kidding about the sleeping next to her if she's pissed. I would goto another room and lock it, push the drawer and bed in front of the door too.

Has she always been like this from when you 1st started dating?

If she willing to see someone to talk about her behavior?


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## Sixgunner (Mar 5, 2008)

ah1986 said:


> Last night I accidentally elbowed my wife in between her legs in the dark on our couch. She moved her leg close to my face and I went to block it but missed hitting her between her legs. I was so sorry, but she was already mad, so I told her she shouldn't have tried to kick my face.


Do you folks have a history of beating the crap out of each other? :scratchhead:


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

ah1986, I too was taught that every block was a strike, however I never believed that principle applied to my wife. While I have always been instructed that a person is allowed to use reasonable force to protect themselves when it's absolutely necessary and executed with great temperance; I wouldn't want to test that theory out in court. You may have some legal issues with convincing a DA you were actually at risk for bodily harm and feared for your safety. 

Your relationship sounds scary unhealthy. I would recommend separating for your individual well being until some "ground rules" can be laid down regarding acceptable behaviors. I would also suggest counseling, and maybe even consider getting both of you into some anger management. Big people don't hit each other unless their on a mat and bow first.

LIL


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