# Are relationships meant to be so hard?



## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Are relationships really meant to be so hard? I can understand trying desperately to work things out when they go haywire after you’ve been married, had children or invested a lengthy amount of time into each other. However, at some point are couples trying to hard at a relationship that should not be? 

There are couples who struggle shortly after they begin dating. Then they get married, have children and are so miserable with each other. Would it be wisest to cut your losses and admit that the two of you never should have gotten together?

Most of us have a general idea of what an unhealthy or abusive relationship might consist of. If your life is in jeopardy, by all means get out of those immediately.

When couples struggle against all odds in the beginning of a relationship, do those ever really workout where everyone is Happily Ever After? 

So, when the road seems to be slightly bumpy early on in a relationship, should we immediately pull over, let the other person out, drive off and never look back? Or do stick it out together and later those rough roads make for a better narration of your journey together?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think it comes down to meeting the needs of your partner and communication.

That's what I'm learning anyway.

Seems simple but throw life on top of it and it gets more difficult.

I'm trying to make it more simple. More of a priority. Needs/communication.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes they are, but the rewards are ment to out way the "hard".
I have recently learned that when you do put in the hard work it should be reconized by your partner, and in turn you recognize your partners efforts.
So hopefully the both og you see the hard work you both put forth and acknowledge each others efforts.

If this is not the case then it may be time to regroupe at some MC.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I agree with TG. I also think people fall in love with the image of being in a relationship and/or who they think the person is. The reason it's not always simple is because we're human and we come with preconceived notions, expectations, issues, ego, that can get in the way. 

If there's a good foundation to begin with but the relationship begins to drift apart then it's certainly worth fighting for _together_. Relationships are often a mirror to ourselves. Taking a hard look at who we are in itself can be hard. Add another person to this along with life's happenings and it's not always easy. For me personally, the journey is rewarding and worthwhile. I love growing, sharing, observing, encouraging, and inspiring this man - because he also does the same with me. 

Even our platonic friendships can teach us so much about who we are. I have friends that call me on my BS. It's GREAT to have them around. I'm a big girl, I can handle it and I know their intentions are from a good place. These friends will also offer to bring me food if they know I'm sick. I don't accept others in my life who do wrong by me as I wouldn't do wrong by them. Everyone is different and like I said, we enter a relationship with certain preconceived notions, expectations, and what we're willing to bring/input.

You asked: "So, when the road seems to be slightly bumpy early on in a relationship, should we immediately pull over, let the other person out, drive off and never look back? Or do stick it out together and later those rough roads make for a better narration of your journey together?"

I think it depends on circumstance but anyone that thinks it should all be smooth-sailing is in for a tough wake up call. Life would be boring and somewhat pointless if we didn't have the chance to learn more about ourselves (through others).


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I have a humorous input to this;
God definitely has a twisted sense of humor. He put men and women on this Earth, two completely different but at the same time very similar beings. In order for us to be together, multiply, live, and survive together, we have to learn how to overcome the differences and at the same time, reap the rewards.
Now seriously, a relationship between two people is WORK. It's not all lovey-dovey, kiss goodnight with singing birds and sunny skies. I think there are a few situations that we find ourselves in;
1. We think that because we love someone, we can see past their faults and be happy.
2. We think we can "change" someone to come around to our way of thinking.
3. We quit working on our relationship and become complacent (He/She isn't going to leave. We have been together too long).
When we enter a relationship under number 1 or 2, we are just setting ourselves up to be miserable at best, or for failure.
When we enter #3 of a LTR, we learn that complacency will doom our relationship. Hopefully, we can learn that before it's too late.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Any relantionship takes work but some people are just not cut out to be married especially if they have some sort of mental illness or high conflict personality. 

So to answer your question on if you should pull over and drop them off, well i've always thought that conflict can destroy a marriage but its the frequency of the conflict that destroys it, not the subject matter. For example, if you ever look at the aftermath of a hurricane you will notice strong metal sign posts and trees either bent, snapped or destroyed. This damage or destruction does not happen right away. The damage is done due to the constant battering of winds and elements over a short period of time, not just one quick gust. Same with marriage, most healthy marriages seem to weather occasional conflict rather well and dare I say even thrive on it due to the "clearing the underbrush" effect that a quick fight can do since it can lead to make up sex later  But as my hurricane analogy tries to convey constant conflict or "wind damage" will break down the strongest of marriages. 

Ultimately its up to you do decide what you are willing deal with. I'm my situation my STBXW has a high conflict personality which was made worse after our son was born. Her constant conflict was too frequent (ever day) for me to handle. We tried MC and IC to try and control her conflict but it only temporarily surpressed it. 

I'm not saying I can't be easy ALL the time but I cherish peace in the home and living with someone who brings constant conflict and destroys the peace should be shown the door.


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