# Reconnecting with someone who is obessed with her?



## manonfire (Nov 29, 2012)

So, during my 3 year relationship with my wife, there has been this naggy little prick who will not leave her alone. I have dealt with this 4, maybe 5 times. My wife seems its only friendly, and that he was someone she could 'go' to. But she is apparently an idiot. I don't think she realizes how naturally flirtatious she is, or she just flirts so much, but plays it cool. I don't know. This kid, while we were together, for about 1 year, 1.5 years maybe, confessed his undying love to her. He was with his girlfriend of over 3 years at this point. I told her, (Probably 2nd or 3rd time at this point) to stop all contact with him, because he will not leave her alone, and he obviously is in some sort of infatuated state with you. She of course, got angry at these accusations and stated that he was a friend. I am not an idiot. Now, he has popped up another 2 or 3 times since than, and its always led to fights, annoyances and her telling him she cannot speak anymore. The last time, I accidentally caught her hiding it from me. And said all contact must cease, now. That was about...a year ago. Note: When we were in FL, this guy was probably 4 or 5 hours away. (They originally met online in highschool, and were friends, and his family had 'business' down here and he came down with his parents and they hung out. No sexual contact or even attraction *On her part* ). Now we live in GA, and he is probably...2 maybe 3 hours away.


Now, I am deployed, and she has been acting off lately. Being extremely mean to me. Saying F*ck you, and f*ck off. And I think she does it on purpose, it was a once, maybe twice a month thing, and I kinda just let it go, but now its every other day, it seems the more I tell her not to do something, or that it bothers me she does it. She goes to the gym more often. She went to a dance class. Not like salsa, or tango dancing, but club dancing, class. She even threw this in yesterday. 'This is going to make you mad, but I am going to the club soon, to celebrate my friends 21st birthday'. Knowing I am deployed, and that things like that bother me, I asked her nicely not to go. Again, with the f*ck yous, and all sortsa mean ****.

Anyways to my point. Because of the above stated behavior, I have been a little suspicious. So, yesterday, I decided to try to infiltrate her email / facebook. She has 2 emails that I know of, and I was easily able to guess the passwords. There was no evident signs of ea/pa. Ie no messages from other men. But what I was found, was pretty interesting. I found a registration for a new social media website. And again, I was able to guess the password to that as well. The guy above mentioned, who cannot leave her alone, was added to her friends list this morning. She originally connected to her. But she accepted it. I wouldn't blame her for HIM connecting to her, but she ACCEPTED it. Now, I haven't confronted her yet, and I don't plan to, for atleast a day or 2, maybe more. And casually. Ie, subtlety throwing in if she has heard from him recently etc. For 3 years, she has been able to snake her way out of any sort of fault for blame, and made me feel crazy about this a$$hole. But not this time. I am going to catch her in a lie. 

Conclusion. I don't think she has cheated on me, physically, or emotionally, yet. But our marriage is in a very crucial point, and I think she would talk to him, simply out of spite for me not wanting her to. Whether she would make any sort of actual connection. Who knows? But she has been in this 'I'm going to do whatever you don't want me to do phase'. 

Am I justified in my doings. My searching and snooping? Am I violating her privacy? Or is she seriously being a b*tch to me? 

I have another thread in going through sep / divorce describing my situation from another perspective.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Your wife really isn't respecting your boundaries not to contact the naggy little prick. She already has cheated by secretly contacting th guy. This to me is already an EA. You've asked her more than once and the guy keeps popping up. Have you ever spoken with the guy? If he is "just" a friend, has your wife ever introduced him to you?

Sounds like this is a totally inappropriate friendship. She should end it yesterday.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Man, the "beta-orbiter" from the internet is the least of your troubles. The way she's detaching from you, she's probably already being, or has made the decision to be, plowed by somebody local. By "club dancing" class, do you mean she's been learning to grind?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Intentionally doing things and going places that are a flimsy cover for a meat market where women go to get picked up is BS. Add to that, her telling you to F*ck off when you express your objection and you have the script of a cheating wife.

She has decided that you and your opinion do not matter to her. She is going to do whatever she wants (including bar, clubs, secret social media). Your marriage is going down in flames.

You are justified in doing whatever you need to do to get the truth. There should not be secrets between spouses. "Violating my privacy" is standard cheater speak for "I have my secrets and they are none of your business".

Sounds like your wife has checked out of the marriage.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

If she accuses you of violating her privacy, you can always say that she is violating the boundaries of your marriage.

My wife actually got pissed off at me that I broke into her secret gmail account (which she left open on her PC when she asked me to fix something). After I broke in and found evidence of the other guy, I confronted her, but didn't say how I got the info. First she denied, then when I told her about the gmail chats, she admitted. 4 hours later she actually came to me very pissed off that I had violated our trust by hacking her secret email account! Can you believe that sh!t?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Whatever else is going on she is acting unfaithful. She is being disrespectful in lying to you. Hiding things behind your back. Then she plays power games with you to hurt you by saying you are going to be mad but I am taking dance lessons and I am going cubbing. F^ck you.

You know what. Your boundaries are your boundaries. BUT, I would not stay married to a woman who did the things above whether she had an affair or not. So add to this the fact you are deployed and rather than support you as a faithtful wife she taunts you. She wants to be single. Let her have that.

I am making an assumption you are expecting a monogamous relationship and are not ok with an open marriage. 

This is not the wife you are looking for.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Then she plays power games with you to hurt you by saying you are going to be mad but I am taking dance lessons and I am going cubbing. F^ck you.
> 
> You know what. Your boundaries are your boundaries. BUT, *I would not stay married to a woman who did the things above whether she had an affair or not.*


Damn straight.



Entropy3000 said:


> This is not the wife you are looking for.


This is not the wife he's looking for. Move along.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Damn straight.
> 
> 
> 
> This is not the wife he's looking for. Move along.


Perfect


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

A guy that messages her on facebook is only a distraction. A married woman going out clubbing while her husband is away is a guaranteed cheater, that should be your priority. Physical, no strings attached so you will not find evidence through emails or text/call logs.

When are you returning home? Or do you have a brother or a cousin that can follow her around? Most likely she heads out to the meat markets most weekends so it'll be easy to catch her.

Also never tell your wife how you got your evidence, because next time she'll just be smart about about it and hide better.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Seen too many of the I am deployed and my wife is out clubbing situations in real life. I honestly can say I have never seen them not end in cheating and divorce.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Seen too many of the I am deployed and my wife is out clubbing situations in real life. I honestly can say I have never seen them not end in cheating and divorce.


Indeed. She could be scoring a new guy every few days and the husband would be clueless since he isn't home.

OP I'm truly sorry for what you're going through. I wish you all the best.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the marriage to end. Even if it's not your intention to end it - the fact is, it sure looks like she wants to either end it or 'open it up' and may well have done so already. 

The fact that she's changed her attitude toward you with the FUs and F-off indicates she's found strength somewhere or with someone - same with the "tough-sh1t, I'm taking a club dance class" (paraphrase - but this is exactly what she meant). 

Now, where would she get the notion that she can talk to you that way? Does she have divorced (toxic) girlfriends? Because it seems she isn't worried about losing the marriage. I suspect a boyfriend - not the internet dweeb. 

So, if you want to keep the marriage you need to keep digging - prepare to put the law down - honor the marriage, or hit the road. 


Do you have kids? Have you been married the whole 3 years or have you known her for only 3 years?


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## manonfire (Nov 29, 2012)

A little pretext. 

We are young. 21 and 20. We have been together since 18 and 17. We have been married for just under a year. 

Now, she vehemently denies any cheating. And than calls me crazy that I don't trust her. I call ask her not to do somethings, and she calls me controlling. Saying she wasn't raised to be controlled. Well, I don't know who raised her, but I sure hope it wasn't her mom or dad, both of whom have cheated. Both of whom are financially greedy. Dad, who cheated again, last year. And mom who is ****ing the neighbor, while HE is in Colorado in the military as well. Granted they have agreed to get a divorce. They're still technically married. I just hope it wasn't those people who raised her. (It was). 

She has always been mouthy, but as of recent, it has taken a turn for the worst. Her behavior is simply unacceptable. I cannot bring my self to yell at her, and when I ask her nicely to not do some things, or to not talk to me this way. She just blows up on me for being controlling. I am at a lost at what to do. 

I definitely will not reveal my sources to her, because she would easily change all passwords and not think twice about it. And if I would ask for them, she would not agree and would say again, I am being controlling and crazy and not trusting her. I have trusted her this far, and every time I give her an inch, she takes a mile, and trusting her and giving her inches has led me to this. I do not want this. She has an answer for everything. Her most common one is 'As a wife I do not have to explain a f*cking thing to you'. Is that true? Or am I just crazy? When I say 'In normal marriage...this or that' She says 'Stop comparing us to other relationships ' or if I say 'Well women usually...this or that...' she says 'stop comparing me to other women.' Lately, I have been saying a lot of 'Well, typically when a woman, or someone, rather does this (Pertaining to signs of infidelity)' She blows the hell up, sky high, and says 'wow so you think I am like every other girl?' And honestly, in the beginning, no, she was this cool laid back girl who accepted who I was. Now I am starting to realize, she is like a lot of other women.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

The whole going out to clubs is ridiculous, there's no need to do that while the spouses are stateside, let alone while they're deployed. 
Personally I wouldn't take issue with the dude who is still hovering around, he wouldn't stay if your wife wasn't giving him the encouragement to do so.
Any issues you have with him should be directed to your wife, the power is hers to get rid of him.
Have you checked the bank statements?
If I was in your position, I would start moving my money out of any joint accounts & only give her enough to get by on.
If she's paying the bills out of your joint account, take over paying the bills to make sure they get paid. 
Have you also checked cell phone records?

My husband is currently deployed to Afghan & never in a million years would I treat him the way your wife is treating you.
I can't fathom telling him to fu*k off, especially if something happens & that's the last thing I ever get to say to him.
During this current deployment we have both worked hard to stay connected & keep our marriage strong.
What your wife is doing is what we're told NOT to do when our spouses are deployed.
I'm sorry that she's behaving like she's single when she's not.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Recap:
You are married to a girl who was "cool and laid back" but now - not so much 
She was raised by people who are actively cheating
Accuses you of trying to control her
Speaks disrespectfully to you - after being married for about 1 year
Hides and denies contact info for internet friends she know you don't approve of
Does as she pleases
Doesn't want to be "compared" to "normal" wives and women

Manonfire, those are just off the top of my head. And, oh yeah, each and every one of them - _a red flag_. 
_A huge banner_.
_ A cheater's banner._ 

Drop her like an anvil.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Getting married in the late teens and early twenties is not the best move in my opinion. I think people should wait until there a little older and have time to find themselves, gain maturity, and get the partying/wild ways out the system in order to be ready for a committed relationship.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

AlphaHalf said:


> Getting married in the late teens and early twenties is not the best move in my opinion. I think people should wait until there a little older and have time to find themselves, gain maturity, and get the partying/wild ways out the system in order to be ready for a committed relationship.


I agree. Add to this trying live in a military environment where one spouse is away. The odds are really against you. Not saying it never works but it puts a crazy strain on marriages.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

manonfire said:


> A little pretext.
> 
> We are young. 21 and 20. We have been together since 18 and 17. We have been married for just under a year.
> 
> ...


She is not being faithful to you. She wants an open marraige for whatever reason. Not wife material for a guy deployed who wants to be in a monogamous marriage. 

As you will see on this website there are people that will tell you an open marriage is normal. The bottomline is that her concept of marriage is not compatible with yours. 

Why would you stay in an abusive relationship? Why would you deserve that?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Man on Fire*

The easiest thing to do is to drop her. If you feel like you can't do that without some solid proof, that's understandable.

Where is she living now? On base, with parents, off base?

No kids, right?

*That's an interesting name choice. Bing Crosby once did a movie about a guy whose wife abandoned her family to run off with OM, married OM, then sued Bing for full custody and won. Can't remember how that one turned out, but Bing "kidnapped" his son to keep him away from the scum. I was probably about 10 years old when I saw it.


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## manonfire (Nov 29, 2012)

I sincerely thank everyone for your replies. 

For 3 years. I have never left her once. Never. I have have never ended a conversation, or fight without saying I love you. Because, I do love her and even if we fight, we will get over it. No sense in not right? She has left me multiple times, and always come back. 

It has taken me 3 f*cking years to finally even say this to my self. Which I consider is a step toward my happiness. I haven't even been able to say out loud that I want to leave her. 

After today's conversation I had with her. And how horribly she treated me, and the things she said. I want nothing to do with this f*cking scum. I don't care if I took her virginity. I honestly don't. That is probably the one thing that has kept me around. I don't want anyone else defiling her. But honestly, I could care less.

I was checking my bank statements earlier, and I noticed a withdrawl. Small amount of 40 dollars. But this is after she has spent my money lavishly in the past 2 months. After she wrecked my savings, (Only a couple thousand, nothing too much). WITHOUT yelling, or cussing, or even being mad. I asked her nicely to be more aware of what shes spending money on. She apologized, said she felt bad. But today, she drove down to FL to spend time with her family. Or so it may seem. 

So, I noticed it was a 40 dollar cash withdrawl. And I knew exactly what it was for - Weed. Which, in a normal circumstance, I wouldn't care. But how f*cking mean shes been to me, and after spending all my money, this kinda pisses me off. I call her, and she says, verbatim "CHILL. THE. F*CK. OUT. I WILL PAY YOU BACK NEXT WEEK. I'M GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME DOWN HERE, AND I'M NOT LETTING YOU STOP ME." I said something along the lines of, you don't need to spend my money on that, use your own. Reply was. "F*CK YOU". hangs up.

Again, I am checking my bank statement. Another 40 dollars for a tongue piercing. This, I would not mind either. She has a bad problem of sucking on her tongue, and recently took out her other piercing, and it started again. She said she was going to get one in the future, but I did not know with my money, and so soon. Again, I called her, and she flipped out on me again. telling me she needs it for her problem, and that she'll pay me back, and F words being thrown out and about. And again, hanging up on me.

She use to be so beautiful and kind to me. Now she is cruel, hurtful and just, evil. Pure evil. I happen to be at a camp in Afghanistan that HAS internet and phone access any time of day. Some of my other friends aren't so lucky. She takes for granted what she has. She lives under my roof. Eats my food. Drives MY car and I pay the bills. She complains about everything there is to complain about these days, and than when I tell her to be thankful for what she has, because her life is very easy, she says "its not about the money". I am a great ****ing husband. yeah, maybe I'm not the most romantic, but I treat a woman right and I make sure her life is easy, specially when I'm not able to be there for her. And this is how she repays me. I don't have time for this kind of sh*t. I am in Afghanistan. I should not be dealing with this. 

It is the weekend, and my local credit union that I use for my bank account is closed. I cannot contact them. I do not have another bank account to transfer funds to, and I cannot figure out how to change my PIN number on my card. All I could do was 'transfer' funds to savings because shes use to everything being in 'checkings' and hopefully shes too stupid to realize it. It should stop any auto sliding at walmart, or taco bell or anything like that.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

For starters I would call the bank right now and report the card as lost, then close that account and open a new one first thing Monday morning at another bank.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Oh crap, I forgot you were deployed. Ugh


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

So she's at her "parents" in Fla. With a few baggies of weed? Yeahhh sure she is. Don't even think about what she's doing you have enough problems as it is. 

I know that you fell in love with a charming, caring, cool, laid back girl. Well, that girl has started her second life. A life she's enjoying as a popular, high, happy-go-lucky, single girl about town. All on your dime. With little regard and no respect for you. 

See your base JAG or get online here:
Military Law Questions? Ask a Military Lawyer for answers ASAP Military Law Questions? Ask a Military Lawyer for answers ASAP

Start this minute - get to know your legal rights and responsibilities. If it's allowed, cut off her funds and don't contact her at all. Let your legal advisers be your guide until you return.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> So she's at her "parents" in Fla. With a few baggies of weed? Yeahhh sure she is. Don't even think about what she's doing you have enough problems as it is.


Can you Skype or call her parents just to "check" on them and verify? This is how I busted my last X and it was quite delicious.


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## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

Wow! Wait until 10-20 years from now!

Good luck with this "catch".


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

manonfire said:


> She has left me multiple times, and always come back.
> *
> Another red flag. Has it ever crossed your mind she left you to try other guys but when she realized they weren't "the clueless $$ provider" as you were, she came back to you? I'm thinking she started this "lifestyle" back when she started the leaving and coming back cycle.*
> 
> ...


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

3putt said:


> Can you Skype or call her parents just to "check" on them and verify? This is how I busted my last X and it was quite delicious.


Good idea, for starters. Just call her parents and ask for her. If they question you just say she's not picking up her cell.

But remember even if she is wh0ring around, blood is thicker then water so most likely they'll support their daughter. 

You didn't answer my earlier question, do you have any relative or an old friend that can do some footwork for you?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

MOF,

Keko is correct. These previous ad hoc "separations" with her leaving is because she was getting from some other guy(s). In her mind, as you see acting out this very day, separation from you means she has permission to play. This is a typical female rationalization hamster belief.

Download and read this book and check out the guys blog. 

Also, read this guy's blog for an unvarnished explanation of a woman's true nature.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Whatever else is going on she is acting unfaithful. She is being disrespectful in lying to you. Hiding things behind your back. Then she plays power games with you to hurt you by saying you are going to be mad but I am taking dance lessons and I am going cubbing. F^ck you.
> 
> You know what. Your boundaries are your boundaries. BUT, I would not stay married to a woman who did the things above whether she had an affair or not. So add to this the fact you are deployed and rather than support you as a faithtful wife she taunts you. She wants to be single. Let her have that.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Before long she's going to tell you to stop calling her because she 'needs a little space' to think about the relationship. It's at that time that she will have moved in with whoever (girlfriends for la vida loca, or a bf). Call the JAG office ASAP.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Does your wife have a POA?
If so, you need to revoke it ASAP.
No need for her to have the ability to ruin your credit along with everything else she is doing.


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## manonfire (Nov 29, 2012)

The former separations were for no longer than a day or 2. One being a month. I don't think she went out and got with anyone else, during the former. However, I would think a little differently now.

As for my bank. I cannot contact them. They are closed on weekends. I use a local credit union in my home town.

I know she is at her parents, because she is in town, with one of her friends whom is in the same town, and I know she would go by and see her parents and little sisters. She cares about her family for more than she cares about me. As for whether she is spending much time with her family? Who knows. I'm waiting to see what happens tonight. 

I'm a little new to all this. How would I contact the JAG while deployed, over the weekend? And what would I even start to say? Do they have power there to cut her off from my bank? Etc?

edit; I have just messaged her mom. Asking if she is aware of what her daughter is doing to me, etc. Can't expect much from her. She's just as stupid / cheater / greedy as she is. But its worth a try.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

manonfire - it sounds like your wife is very immature and really not ready to be married. She sounds like a rebellious teenager. Sorry for what you're going through - but maybe look on the bright side - you can move on and have your whole life ahead of you with somebody who loves and respects you and is mature enough to understand what marriage means.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

manonfire said:


> The former separations were for no longer than a day or 2. One being a month. I don't think she went out and got with anyone else, during the former. However, I would think a little differently now.
> 
> As for my bank. I cannot contact them. They are closed on weekends. I use a local credit union in my home town.
> 
> ...


JAG will not be able to do much more than tell you the options available to you, they cannot be your legal counsel in a divorce. 
What branch are you in?
Tell your First Shirt what is going on so that they are aware of what is happening with your wife, you must be proactive from now on & not reactive.
You will have to contact your bank to let them know what you want to do, best case they can close your account & open another.
Worst case, they can't close the account while you're deployed.
BUT you can get her removed from the account & close any credit cards you have together. 
Do your parents have a POA for you?
They could handle the banking situation for you if they have one.


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## manonfire (Nov 29, 2012)

I did not give her PoA before I left.
My bank is closed on the weekends, and I have tried to change the pin over the internet, but the website is virtually useless.
My parents do not have poa.
But my dad has the exact same name as me, and has been able to access my bank for whenever I owed him money. So when monday rolls around, he can probably go there and close it out, or something. But by than, I should be able to just call and get it all sorted out. I'm worried about what will happen from now til monday. Saturday night, through monday.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

manonfire said:


> I did not give her PoA before I left.
> My bank is closed on the weekends, and I have tried to change the pin over the internet, but the website is virtually useless.
> My parents do not have poa.
> But my dad has the exact same name as me, and has been able to access my bank for whenever I owed him money. So when monday rolls around, he can probably go there and close it out, or something. But by than, I should be able to just call and get it all sorted out. I'm worried about what will happen from now til monday. Saturday night, through monday.


Look at the back of your ATM/Debit card & see if there is a phone # to call in case it gets lost or stolen.
If so, call it & tell them your card was lost, to cancel all cards linked to your account.
Then on Monday call your credit union, keep in mind that they may close early since it's Christmas Eve.
I bank at Navy Federal & locally they're closing at 2.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

manonfire said:


> I'm a little new to all this. How would I contact the JAG while deployed, over the weekend? And what would I even start to say? Do they have power there to cut her off from my bank? Etc?


The first thing I would do is talk to your immediate superior and ask him what you should do. Explain the whole situation, your fears, the proof you have from bank withdrawals, etc., and go from there. He may not know what to do personally, but he can definitely get you in touch with someone who does.

The military is quite familiar with this, so don't be surprised that he's not shocked. Military infidelity is so rampant, they probably have a manual on what to do, not do, hope for, pray for...the whole 9 yards.


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## manonfire (Nov 29, 2012)

It does have a lost / stolen number...and I am highly considering calling and re reporting the cards stolen. However, I do need her to be able to pay bills, etc when she gets back...And in any case, they will send new cards back to our address anyways.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

manonfire said:


> It does have a lost / stolen number...and I am highly considering calling and re reporting the cards stolen. However, I do need her to be able to pay bills, etc when she gets back...And in any case, they will send new cards back to our address anyways.


I would report it lost, and then talk to your superior like I suggested. I'm not military, so I'm not sure how something like this is handled in your case.

BTW, thank you for your service!!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

The bank account should be the LEAST of your worries.

Closing it or limiting your wife's access to it would only show your onto her and she'll cool off her other lifestyle.

Get the evidence of her affair(s) first then act on it in one sharp move.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

manonfire said:


> It does have a lost / stolen number...and I am highly considering calling and re reporting the cards stolen. However, I do need her to be able to pay bills, etc when she gets back...And in any case, they will send new cards back to our address anyways.


Do it & she won't be able to get cash or make purchases this wknd, which means you're going to cut off her ability to have that great time she thought she was going to have. 
When you call the bank on Monday, change your current address to your parent's, have the bank send new cards to your parents, then they can send you your card & keep hers until you redeploy.
Stop letting her pay the bills, take over that responsiblity.
I've seen too many wives ruin their husbands by not paying bills & taking all their money. 
If she was to ruin your credit, you could lose any Security Clearance you have & it would be next to impossible to get Top Secret Clearance.
Which would mean being chaptered out of the military.


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## manonfire (Nov 29, 2012)

Hmm, I may do that. I'm gonna do a little more research, and wait til monday and see what happens by than. If she goes to a club tonight...with the last thing saying to me f*ck you, she can safely she has signed our divorce off.

No problem 3putt .

And again, thank you everyone for the advice.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

keko said:


> The bank account should be the LEAST of your worries.


Not if she's using the money to buy drugs.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

manonfire said:


> Hmm, I may do that. I'm gonna do a little more research, and wait til monday and see what happens by than. If she goes to a club tonight...with the last thing saying to me f*ck you, she can safely she has signed our divorce off.
> 
> No problem 3putt .
> 
> And again, thank you everyone for the advice.


You're welcome & good luck! 
I hate to see these kinds of things happen to service members.
It just pisses me off when spouses take advantage of their deployed spouses.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

given her attitude, the dance class, and the going to clubs, etc.

She's on the hunt to be dated. she's looking for guys to date her and play the field.

This means there isn't a single OM that she's fallen for. It means that she's decided to cheat when the opportunity presents itself, even if she has to go out looking for it to present itself.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

3putt said:


> Not if she's using the money to buy drugs.


Irrelevant.

He can stop her for few days but she'll have access once again.

What will stop her from emptying the account then? 

She'll already know he's into her so she won't give a damn if the bills aren't paid as long as she has her fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manonfire (Nov 29, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> given her attitude, the dance class, and the going to clubs, etc.
> 
> She's on the hunt to be dated. she's looking for guys to date her and play the field.
> 
> This means there isn't a single OM that she's fallen for. It means that she's decided to cheat when the opportunity presents itself, even if she has to go out looking for it to present itself.


That's what I'm sort of thinking. I don't think she has committed an affair at this point. But I think she is begging for attention from other men. She hasn't physically gone to a club, yet, as far as I know. But she has stated her intentions to, with a friend that turns 21.

Like you said, I don't think she is attached to anyone more less, but is throwing her self out onto the court, etc.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

manonfire said:


> That's what I'm sort of thinking. I don't think she has committed an affair at this point. But I think she is begging for attention from other men. She hasn't physically gone to a club, yet, as far as I know. But she has stated her intentions to, with a friend that turns 21.
> 
> Like you said, I don't think she is attached to anyone more less, but is throwing her self out onto the court, etc.


I didn't say she hadn't Hooke up yet. In fact her attitude and behavior says that she likely has. Sorry.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Phenix70 said:


> *The whole going out to clubs is ridiculous, there's no need to do that while the spouses are stateside, let alone while they're deployed*.
> *Personally I wouldn't take issue with the dude who is still hovering around, he wouldn't stay if your wife wasn't giving him the encouragement to do so*.
> *Any issues you have with him should be directed to your wife, the power is hers to get rid of him.*Have you checked the bank statements?
> If I was in your position, I would start moving my money out of any joint accounts & only give her enough to get by on.
> ...


apply this post, taken from a post in another thread by carmen ohio, to your own situation:

Based on the facts as you have recited them, I believe you have ample reason to be unhappy in your current circumstances and sufficient justification for taking action. So let me offer you an alternative approach to your problem that is consistent with the Rules of Happiness:

1. Sit your W down and *tell her that you are so unhappy with your marriage that you are prepared to end it. Explain that, given what you know* (OM's note, her hiding her phone messages, etc.), *you can only conclude that either she is having an affair or that she doesn't care about you *(as these are the only two reasons why she would not have taken steps to address your concerns when you first raised them). *Say that, in either case, you would rather end your marriage than continue it since you deserve and are confident that you can have better than what you have right now*.

2. *Tell her that, out of love for her *and your children, *you are willing to give her one last chance to save her marriage and prove to you that she is a worthy wife. This requires her *telling you everything that has happened between her and her boss, showing you all of her e-mails and text messages, giving you access to all of her communications in the future, immediately terminating all contact with her boss, *demonstrating by word and deed on a daily basis that she loves and respects you and doing whatever else you require for her to prove her worth.*

*3. Tell her that it is her choice whether to do these things or not but, if she chooses not to, you plan to hire an attorney and file for divorce.*

*4. Stay calm and collected and don't argue with her. If she questions or challenges anything you say, calmly reply that she now knows what you expect of her and it is up to her to decide what she wants to do. Repeat your message as many times as necessary until she realizes that you mean what you say.

5. Give her a very short period of time to consider this. *For example, tell her that you plan to speak to an attorney the next day so, if she wants to save her marriage, she has but a few hours to accept your offer.

*6. If she refuses, immediately speak to an attorney and commence divorce proceedings.*

7. If she agrees, continue to monitor her closely to make sure she does not go underground. Don't tolerate her complaining or pouting for more than a couple of days. *If you get any indication that she is not serious about following through with her promise, start divorce proceedings.*

8. For the foreseeable future, be cordial toward your W but nothing more. Don't initiate conversations, compliment her, argue with her or do anything else that would lead her to believe that she is anything special to you. Act at all times like a man who knows what he wants and knows that he can get what he wants, if not from her, then somewhere else.

9. Begin to take steps to improve yourself (exercise, work, activities). Make this -- along with your kids -- the focus of your life for now.

10. Start to educate yourself on what it takes to be a man in the 21st century. A good place to start is to read "The Married Man Sex Life Primer" by Athol Kay.

If you take these steps, I can't guarantee that you will end up in a happy marriage with your current W but I can promise that, eventually, you will give yourself the greatest chance of finding true happiness. The key point is that you can't control your W but you can control you. Hence, you should be doing the things that will eventually make you happy, whether your W wants to be with you or not.

I'm not saying any of this will be easy; it may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. But unless you do it, your life will likely only get worse.

Wishing the best for you.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I didn't say she hadn't Hooke up yet. In fact her attitude and behavior says that she likely has. Sorry.


Shaggy is right. Invariably, the behavior follows her spreading them for another guy(s). The distancing happens after the fact as a direct result of the mental state following sex with a new guy(s). Phenylethylamine , dopamine, norepinephrine, etc give her a crack-like high after a climactic sexual experience. It is much more intense than sex with her old man, just because it's new and different and her body is trying to get her to come back for more. She's already addicted. That's why you get "fvck you." You're getting between her and her brain drugs. Soon, some guy will introduce her to sex on crystal. When that happens, hold onto your hat.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Dude, are you hearing the VETS here ?? 
All this " I don't think, I may" sh!t is just you not manning up.

This woman has been getting boned period !! Face it, deal with it.
And stop making excuses for her, or for you taking action.

While you are still dealing in high school love, this woman is not.

And you know what. YOU said exactly what she see. 
YOU have never left her. But she left you. Even if it was only for one night so she could hookup. Those jerks only wanted to hit and run, but the month long one got more.
This set the pattern for your marriage man. Now it's coming home to roost.

I'm going to say this, and will stake everything I own it's true.
She has been cheating for a while.

What you need to do now is everything you can to get this poison out of your life. Starting today, by calling your dad and telling him everything. Your dad can pay your bills until you are home using your money. Fax him your power of attorney to close your account TODAY. Forms are online.

Now, I didn't say those things to hurt you. They just seem need after the way she DISRESPECTS you to your face. And dude, if you don't respect yourself, who will.

Your focus now should not be on contacting her. What the hell for??? So she can hangup on you after telling you to F&ckoff.
This is the pattern dude. So break it. Let her go without hearing from you till she contacts you. If she don't call to wish you a Merry Christmas, you know where you stand. 
Of course we already know that right ???
In fact, next time ask her why is she trying to get you killed. She knows where you are and don't need this distraction.

If I was you, I would cut off the money, and have her served before I talked to her again. Cause so far, she tells you to f&ckoff and you rush in a I LOVE YOU before she hangs up on you.
Brother you really need to stop that. Cause it makes you look weak and unattractive to her.

I wish I could put a good frame on this for the holidays, but I know it's just going to be misery for you. But do try to take care of yourself, and try to celebrate as best you can.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Shaggy is right. Invariably, the behavior follows her spreading them for another guy(s). The distancing happens after the fact as a direct result of the mental state following sex with a new guy(s). Phenylethylamine , dopamine, norepinephrine, etc give her a crack-like high after a climactic sexual experience. It is much more intense than sex with her old man, just because it's new and different and her body is trying to get her to come back for more. She's already addicted. That's why you get "fvck you." You're getting between her and her brain drugs. Soon, some guy will introduce her to sex on crystal. When that happens, hold onto your hat.


This is a protection mechanism people do when they are trying to rationalize messing over someone. They create anger for the other person. Justified or not. Then they feel ok with being unfaithful or do not feel bad about messing you over. They burn the bridges.


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