# What is your opinion on this?



## Terri72 (Jan 17, 2013)

We got married two years ago, knew eachother on line for two years prior. I knew he had a few depression issues due to some things he was going thru when I met him, I flew to visit him where he lived and met his family etc... twice, both for a month, we were pretty crazy about eachother and the family loves me.

I suggested he talk to the Doc and maybe take an anti-d, as regardless of how happy he was when I was there, he felt great depression when I wasn't, in the middle of the day, mornings etc...

He started Cipralex, he felt better very quickly, we got married he moved to the part of the country I live in and got along well, sex was scarce, but he was on the anti-d and it effected his libido, I myself was on something similar, very small dose and it had the same effect on me.

I did not realize this as it wasn't an anti-d in my case and I just figured I was going with the flow, he didn't have a big sex drive. Well...he went off of them cold turkey about 6 months later as he did not like that side effect. He hardly came on to me at all, well...he said he did all the time, but that would be a quick grab here and there and the fact that I did not read it correctly and go running to the bedroom frustrated him, he said nothing tho.

It is so embarassing to admit, but besides "making him feel better" we didn't have regular sex but maybe 4 times in one year, it was just so easy to put off since that damn pill made me have no interest and I was used to him not being interested.

Oh! I also gained 55 lbs over this period as about two months after he went off of the anti-d he started binge drinking, only 7 times, but throwing back 18 beer in two hours and then staggering and falling over was very disturbing to me, I said it has to stop. I am a "stress eater".

Besides that, we get along great. He then turned to Pot (obviously there is an addictive personality/depression going on there)

He started getting really weird/paranoid, he smoked huge amounts daily of it. I started pulling away as I couldn't even listen to his paranoid dribble anymore. This made him feel like I was not supporting him or interested in him. He started saying horrible things to me, that I have no right being a wife, what women would hold back sex from her husband, he never wants anything to do with me, I am beneath his standards, I am not his type etc...etc...etc... He was pretty abusive (verbally) also, he quit the pot, lost his mind while coming off of it, he is addiction free right now, very anti pot, anti booze etc... 

He is pretty well back to "normal" but he will not apologize for his behavior. Anyway, I, in the interest of doing my part in the marriage, started having sex with him any time he was interested, he still has a bit of his depression however, no goals, not happy etc... After a month of this, I said listen, you need to put your wedding ring back on and start telling me you love me again (if this is what you want). He has not done this. Now when he tries to fool around I nicely say, you aren't wearing your ring or making any kind of commitment to making this relationship work, I am not interested in sex under these conditions. So...we get along well...no sex tho.

If anyone is wondering why I hung in there is I saw he had an addiction and I wanted to know I did my part in the marriage, I also was hoping he would be "back to normal" once the pot wore off months later. Plus I obviously love him and idealy would like this to work out.

I guess I would like to know the following:

As obvious that it is that he has issues, could his "not being that into me" truly be because we hardly had sex the first year?

He never says it, but could it be the weight gain?

He doesn't go out, there are no other females involved.

I know some will think I am crazy for still being in the relationship, but I want to know I did everything I could and also keep my ego in tact.

I have posted before under a different name, I lost all that info tho  People were suggesting right away that I leave him, he may be a bit narcissistic etc... but at the same time I need to truly know that I am doing what I can to make things work, and if it isn't supposed to I will move on. 

I will be a serious conversation by the end of February to see where we go from here, why Feb? he has a very big stressful ordeal he has to deal with then and I want to give him that time.

Thanks for reading this awfully long boring story. 

:lol:


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

It could be that he just isn't into you. Period.

His boozing and pot smoking was just a way to alleviate his bad feelings about the relationship he and you are in. Your weight gain probably doesn't help.

He want sex because, well, you're female and he's a male. Simple as that. Don't read anything into his wanting a physical relationship with you as meaning anything regarding the emotional relationship that appears to be lacking.

You need to have the talk with him. If it has to wait until February, that's your choice but have it and make your needs clear.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

> As obvious that it is that he has issues, could his "not being that into me" truly be because we hardly had sex the first year?


The sex is actually a bonding experience. Chemicals are released in the brain which actually creates the feelings of "pair bonding". For myself, I feel detachment and I am far less able to offer my wife the emotional support she needs when we are moving away from each other due to no intimacy.



> He never says it, but could it be the weight gain?


He can't broach this topic. Most women need to feel sexy and desirable to be an intimate partner and most men instinctively know this. You have to read his actions on this as it will be hard to get any words. The weight would not bother me personally but everyone is different.

If he has thrown off the addictions that would usually mean he is in a better place as those were escapes. Make sure the pot stays gone as that is a formula for inertia, accepting things and just rolling along.


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## Terri72 (Jan 17, 2013)

Thank you both for your answers.


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