# Parenting the Autistic child



## blueskies30

Hi I am new to this forum. I was curius if any one else out there has autistic children and parenting them is causing a strain on thier marriage? 

We have a 4 year old boy who will be 5 in March. he was diagnosed with classic autism & ADHD when he was 3. 

My husband is just now accepting that he has autism, only because our marriage counselor told him if that Dr diagnosed him than he has Autism. Our counselor evedentially knows a lot of doctors. the Dr that diagnosed my son is one of the best in our state and well known.

I have 3 children all together from my husband and I. All have ADHD and/or sensory problems. Only my son is currently diagnosed.

Anyway so just wondering if there is anyone else out there with similar situations.


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## DawnD

My oldest is autistic. He is 6 going on 7 this summer. At first, my H was so upset and not sure how to handle the diagnoses that it caused a lot of problems between us and put a serious strain on our marriage. He refused to believe the Dr. even when I got a second opinion just to verify. 

What it really took was a knock down drag out fight about what was acceptable as a parent and what was not. I flat out told him that if he couldn't cope with it, then he needed to leave. My son doesn't respond well to yelling. So if you calmly ask him to do something, he will do it. When you yell, he gets frustrated and starts crying. My H had to correct that behavior, and for him that was really hard.

There is a book called 1-2-3 Practical Magic that a lot of people have recommended to me for help, I just haven't gotten around to it yet.


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## bdrouill

Participants needed for study on selecting treatments for children with autism

Title of study: It’s all in how you see it: Predicting parents’ treatment selection for their children with Autism Spectrum Disorders

Are you a parent of a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)? 

We are conducting an online survey to learn what helps parents select the best treatments for their children with ASD. The survey takes approximately 20 minutes and you will have the option of being in a draw for one of ten $20 gift certificates to Amazon.com/ca. 

Who can participate? 
Parents and/or guardians of children (aged 21 and under) who have been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. 

What will I be asked to do? 
Go online and complete a questionnaire. All information is confidential. You can choose to no longer participate at any time prior to submitting your questionnaire. 

When can I participate?
Whenever is most convenient for you! Simply click on the link below and follow the instructions provided:

Parent Factors and Treatment Selection in ASD

Primary Investigator: Brianne Drouillard, B.A., M.A. Candidate, University of Windsor 
Email: [email protected]

Supervisor: Marcia Gragg, Ph.D., C.Psych., 
University of Windsor 
Email: [email protected]


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## 6pinkcats

I have a 7 year old son on the spectrum. Current diagnosis is PDD-NOS. His issues combined with losing my 4 year old son ten months ago have put an extreme strain on my marriage. A grieving child with autism is a very difficult thing.


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## craftymindy

My oldest son (13) is autistic with sensory issues and my youngest son (8) was just diagnosed with DD {developmental disability}, and SPD {Sensory Processing Disorder} and was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago. Its so tough!! My dh isn't even their bio dad and has done so much to help them to the best of his abilites. I just worry that with their issues and the strain on our marriage one day I may be alone.


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## costa200

> My dh isn't even their bio dad and has done so much to help them to the best of his abilites.


You got a winner there. Not an easy pill to swallow.


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## Mindful Coach

Autism can take over your life if you allow it and that will put a tremendous strain on your marriage. While you certainly have your hands full, you need to explore how to keep the marriage first and face caring for the child and other children together. You might want to consider weekend placement to give you and your husband a break. The couple I know who does this found an excellent group home that has helped their child gain new skills and have fun, so the break is good for him as well. At your child's young age, it might not have to be for a whole weekend, maybe a few hours during the weekend until everyone is comfortable. I think your doctors office would have information about these types of resources in your area.


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## craftymindy

costa200 said:


> You got a winner there. Not an easy pill to swallow.


Thanks! I am very greatful that I have him in our lives, I would seriously be lost without his support. I have asked him if he wants to check out I would understand since he didnt sign up for this {well none of us did} and he told me to stop being silly he is here for the long haul ♥


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## craftymindy

Tracy ... I am currently waiting for info on respite services and I'm sure a lengthy waiting list will follow but I am trying to being creative on how we can have "us" time. We typically go out for a "adult" dinner once a month, but that hasn't happened in quite awhile. 
The sad part is my family support system is horrible! My dh & I basically are on our own but meh we do the best with what we have!


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## costa200

craftymindy said:


> Thanks! I am very greatful that I have him in our lives, I would seriously be lost without his support. I have asked him if he wants to check out I would understand since he didnt sign up for this {well none of us did} and he told me to stop being silly he is here for the long haul ♥


You must be one hell of a cook :smthumbup:


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## craftymindy

Lmao yeah something like that


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## Mrs. Cruiser

Our 9 year old son has ASD high functioning. We finally just got this diagnosis in June this year. Previously he has had Dx of ODD and Anxiety Disorders. We have been receiving services for him one way or another since he was 2yrs old. 

I would say that yes, it has put a strain on our marriage, but only in the sense that he has been a pain in the ---  We are a team on this one and as such even he seems happier. 

When he was being evaluated we reminded ourselves that no matter what label he is given, he is the same kid. That label (or Dx) is just arrow pointing us in the direction of how best to help him. 

The fact that your DH is now accepting the Dx, the rest will likely follow. Give him time and support, but make sure you share with him what you need as well. The whole "I understand this is a lot for you right now, but I just need you to back me up on this. And I could use a hug, too." Make his role active to support you and he may feel more useful and thus more accepting of all it means to have a special needs kid.


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## Pumpkin_Kisses

Yes and yes! But to be perfectly honest with you, our relationship wasn't that solid prior to having our daughter (she was a surprise baby). I also have a son (14) from a previous relationship, but we have been together since my son was a year old. My son is ADHD and has some other issues, which has been stressful. Add to that his father (my sons) being killed in a car accident 2 months after I had my daughter and it makes things really interesting. 

Let me also add that my husband is disabled (going on almost 10 yrs now) and never has really come to terms with that either.

Our almost 6 year old was diagnosed with Autism just about 3 years ago now and he has been in denial for about the same amount of time. He's not in full denial, as he acknowledges that there is something going on with her but I think he wanted it to be something easier to "fix" than autism. One of our issues is that I put all the work into getting her treatment and he denies that the people I consult know what they are talking about. 

He refuses to do any research or even try to understand her issues/needs. He is the type that wants things done his way and he doesn't want to have to repeat himself. Unfortunately that is not the life that we have, even if it does work for some people.

I think what is most frustrating for me is that I constantly hear from other people that my husband is responding this way because he is a man and they like to be able to fix things. That just sounds like an excuse to me! I changed the way I think and respond to things because I needed to, and I think he should be able to alter the way he deals with things as well. 

And the suggestion for Respite wouldn't work for us. For one, we are on a waiting list to get those kind of services and my husband would never hear of such a thing anyway.


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## JoeRockStar

My son has Asperger's/autism and is 15 now. He was diagnosed at 2 but early intervention programs have made a tremendous difference. He is now practically a normal kid with tons of friends and even a girlfriend!  He's also in all regular classes in high school. The programs DO WORK!!!

It did put a strain on our marriage in the beginning but I believe in hindsight that the struggle brought us a little bit closer.


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## costa200

I've had a couple of students with Asperger. They can be worked with and become pretty functional.


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