# feeling much guilt and shame, pls help.



## izzyspapa76 (Aug 17, 2008)

hello guys and gals,

this is my first post here but i've been dealing with this problem for about 4 months on my own. first off i love my wife more then life itself and we have a beautiful 10 month old daughter named Isabella.

here goes, about 4 months gao my wife took the baby to tampa to visit her sister. while she was gone i got this wild hair up my but to go get a "massage". it was an obsession i had for a while but never went through with it before. i dont know where these feeling came from but they were there. i felt like they would never go away until i just did it. 

boy, what a mistake. i went throught with it..there was no kissing or sex or anything jyst the usual "happy ending". The feeling of shame and guilt hit me immediatly after. i have been trying so hard to bury it and think to myself that mistakes happen and you sould learn from them..which i have, believe me. however, a part of me wants to tell here but would it be selfish? i feel its my burden and if i dont have to hurt here i shouldnt. she would never find out but i still know. it just makes me feel so un worthy to even be married to such a great and beautiful person. I have learned from this however and nothing like this will ever happen again..ever.

some of your advice would be greatly appreciated

thanks


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## Farfignewton (Aug 10, 2008)

If you know for a fact that you will not repeat this behavior then I recommend keeping your mouth shut about the incident. Your woman has a baby now and would possibly never forgive you for this incident. I know that I could not and I am pretty forgiving. Take your "guilty lumps" and do nice things for her. She may not know why you are being so nice, but I think that it will help ease your guilt. I know that many will say to tell her, but sometimes telling to clear your conscious is actually more selfish then keeping it to yourself. Think of how emotionally damaged and hurt she will be if she knew.


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## izzyspapa76 (Aug 17, 2008)

yeah, i wa thinking the same thing. this is MY burden, nothing like this will ever happen again. i have learned the hard way, believe me. i will not put this on her. thank you for your advice.


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## merry (Aug 29, 2008)

If you know she will neve find out for sure and if you know you will never do it again ... please do not tell her that will be horriable .. 
Mine cheated on me did not tell me but I found out ...an it is killing me ..


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Farfignewton said:


> If you know for a fact that you will not repeat this behavior then I recommend keeping your mouth shut about the incident. Your woman has a baby now and would possibly never forgive you for this incident. I know that I could not and I am pretty forgiving. Take your "guilty lumps" and do nice things for her. She may not know why you are being so nice, but I think that it will help ease your guilt. I know that many will say to tell her, but sometimes telling to clear your conscious is actually more selfish then keeping it to yourself. Think of how emotionally damaged and hurt she will be if she knew.



:iagree:

draconis


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## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

If u know she will NEVER find out then don't tell her. I found out about my husband's inappropriate behavior and I wished I never did. Because now I sitting here typing my response to you with no wedding ring on. It's 2:30am and I could not go to sleep because I was crying.


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## Triton (Jul 8, 2008)

Roll the Dice- Don't say a word ! No sex , etc. What she may put you through if you tell her- God only knows. To each -their own. I would not say anything. Some people are so sensitive - They can't even imagine the person thinking about anyone else. Let alone anything other than a hand shake.


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## cheewagacheewaga (Aug 28, 2008)

Ignorance is bliss! Keep your mouth shut if there are no consequences to this (i.e. pregnancy, STD, etc...)


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

yep keep the mouth shut, no need to tell her. It meant nothing and it was stupid. you amde a mistake, you learned from it, now go on an be a quality husband and father to your little girl.


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