# Still not willing to let go..or should I?



## indistressed (Sep 14, 2009)

Hi Everyone,
My h has been out of the house for a month now I still see him 2-3 times a week because he comes to visit the kids. For the past week I have been very depress and wanting to find a way we can try to work things out but I am very scared in bringing the subject up or even expressing to him how much I truly miss him and how I really would like to work things out. We have been married for almost 10 years and he was the one that decided to leave because he said he does not love me anymore  back in March found out he was having an affair and event hough I did some deep digging I was willing to work on our relationship and make changes but after a couple of months he said he needed some space and was moving out. (he claimed that he broke up with that person since I found out about the affair. DO i believe him? Part yes) I dont understand how I still feel the need to try to workout a relationship where apparently I am the only one that wants to be in it but who can understand matters of the heart. We are also going to MC but it has been more for co-parenting while separated. For the first days he was gone I focused in the kids making sure they were OK but now I am going crazy thinking about our marraige and praying and hoping that he would have a change of heart. I dont want to tell him how I feel because I dont want him to think that I am asking him or even begging him to come back. I now that if he would decide to come back on his own we would have to go through a whole lot of things so that I can trust him again so if he does not want to come back for the right reason it will never work. So I hope and wish that he is the one that soon can say to me I miss you and realize how much I love you and lets work on this. However he is a very hard headed person and will first convince himself that all is OK, that he is fine leaving apart form his kids and in a room where he has the freedom to do what ever he pleases so even if the feeling of wanting to comeback is there, he will ignore it and continue to cope with the new set up! I know I love him with all my heart but what scares me is that the more time passes by, the more we all get use to the new life and arrange our life accordingly. He's sexual libido is super high so I would not be surprise if has had someone already but I really do hope that this is not true. I love him with all my heart and I just want him to love me back, to come home and to be willing to give it his all to make this work. get tested for any STDS and to move forward with his wonderful family. Pls give me your opinion if I should tell him how I've been feeling or just keep giving him his space until he is ready? I might have to wait for a while though... Thank you all!


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

If he wants space, give it to him. Why do we want to be with people that need to be convinced to be with us? Think about it.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

If he has OW there is no chance of reconciliation of the marriage. What he says and does are two different things. He was sneaky with the OW before right? He can easily be sneaky again. If he's highly sexual then add that to the mix. 

Begging, pleading, etc will not bring your husband back. It may physically but he won't emotionally be back! That would only make matter worse. 

Reconciliation must be a two way street. Anything less is a license to fail. 

I know this is extremely difficult time. The first several months of separation are...You don't know how to behave around him.

I would seriously not talk about the relationship. Ask him to watch the kids, in the house, while you go out. I don't care if you are going to the library...let him think that you are meeting friends or whatever. He doesn't need to know your business now. 

Fix yourself up. Appear like you don't care..just be friendly and happy. 

He will be more attracted to a happy, smiling, independent woman. IF you appear needy and clingy..he'll run. 

No guarantees here but it's better than the alternative or losing your dignity.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Just get out like Corpus said, stay busy. Everytime you find yourself thinking of him, force it out of your mind. That's what I have been doing. The first few times it was a conscious effort now it has become a little easier. Besides once you start living your life again...for you and your kids...you might not want him back...you never know until you just get out there.


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