# Going through the motions



## Hannah_Lee (Feb 2, 2015)

Hello. I have some unhappy marriage questions. Feeling very emotional right ow so this may be very random. I am 26 years old. I started having sex at 13 years old. I was acting out and looking for love. It was very unhealthy. I was used and abused. When I met my husband I though it was love at first sight. He was the first guy to treat me properly. I have been with my husband for 10 years (married for almost 4 years). The beginning of our relationship was wonderful. Butterflies, excitement ect.... The last few years have been rough. We were in a dry patch about a year before we got married. I hinted at the idea of marriage. I even picked out a ring (which I paid for). He proposed. This seemed to bring excitement back into the relationship. Planning a wedding and honeymoon. A few months after the wedding things went back to how they were. I am a nurse. I work very hard and work a lot of hours. Sometimes i enjoy being at work more than at home. Our home life is complicated. His grandfather and father live with us. This leaves little to no privacy. There are so many people that completely depend on me at work and at home. Sometimes I just want to be alone. I pay the majority of the bills. I cut the grass, clean, take out the trash, take care of the pets ect.... I feel like I do everything. 

I am not very into material things, but i find myself now getting jealous of my girlfriends when they talk about getting flowers or romantic things. My husband has never romanced me, not even in the beginning. He had been working in a horrible work environment for several years which often made him moody and unapproachable. Last year he quit his job out of the blue. He sat around playing video games for months. He now is a manager at a gas station. The work environment is better and while he is more approachable he is still very "blah". During this no work phase I seriously thought about divorce. My mother told him and he started acting very nice and helping around the house. This did not last. I am the maid of honor in a wedding this summer in Hawaii. I surprised him by saving up every dime for the "romantic" trip. He does not want to go. He is very pessimistic. He can never find the silver lining. We have sex maybe once every few months. Some days I go to sleep and cannot even remember if we kissed that day. We still try to do things together when our schedules match up. Sometimes we have fun and other times its like I am just going through the motions. We also disagree on children. I would like to have a child one day. He does not. He says we are too poor and he doesn't want kids. We have a group of mutual friends who are all married. We are all so close. They see my marriage as an inspiration (they do not know the truth). My best friend who I have shared all this with thinks I deserve better. 

Last night I went out with my best friend. We were dancing at a bar and her male friend started dancing and flirting with me. The dancing was innocent. The flirting really just came down to smiling at one another and him telling me I was pretty. I felt so alive again. I felt happy. It made me feel like being happy and fulfilled is an option for my future. However thinking about leaving my husband and having to tell my family and friends makes me sick. I would feel like a failure. I would be alone. My husband has bad credit so everything is in my name, I would be in horrible debt. I also wonder if its worth separating to find people who are better for us. I sometimes wonder if all married people are miserable. Most relationships are great in the beginning and fizzle out. Everyone has rough patches. But I am horrified of the thought of waking up 50 years later and feeling like I have gone through the motions all those years. I just don't know what to do. I have thought about counseling but I doubt he would go. I know he loves me and I know I love him. We would both be devastated if the marriage ended, but probably both equally unhappy if our relationship maintained this monotony for the rest of our lives.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Hannah_Lee said:


> Last night I went out with my best friend. We were dancing at a bar and her male friend started dancing and flirting with me. The dancing was innocent. The flirting really just came down to smiling at one another and him telling me I was pretty. I felt so alive again. I felt happy. It made me feel like being happy and fulfilled is an option for my future.


So when's the next GNO? The men at the bars are all perfect. Not like the pigs you all married. Good times... You might even get laid.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Get this book and read it and start reading passages from it out loud to your husband. Do what it tells you to do. 

His Needs Her Needs by Harley


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

player101. push boundaries slowly enough the seduction goes unnoticed.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Give him a copy of Married Man's Sex Life Primer for Valentines day.
Need to wake him up.

You are prime affair material.


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## rrhouse (Jun 10, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> So when's the next GNO? The men at the bars are all perfect. Not like the pigs you all married. Good times... You might even get laid.



Yeah, as a FWW, avoid GNO as long as you're feeling this way. Tell your husband everything you're feeling. Tell him that your eye is wandering. This might be just what he needs to knock some sense into him and encourage him to work with you to improve your marriage. 

I cheated on my husband because guys made me feel pretty on GNO's. If I could change ANYTHING, it would be that I would have been honest with him as soon as other men started to catch my eye. Cheating is the worst decision I ever made. I feel like this would have made a HUGE, HUGE difference in the way things turned out. Right now you have the upper hand. Don't lose it by being unfaithful. 

Whatever you do, don't even flirt with other men right now. It's so dangerous. That's just my two cents- and I'm in no way calling you a cheater. I just never saw myself as someone who would do something like that until I started feeling the exact same way you just described.


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