# Men and naked pics



## Jen

I posted this in the general discussion thread as well; I'm new, so if that's a major faux pas, I'm sorry. As I was looking around the site more, this seemed like an appropriate place to post this problem. I'd like some mens opinions on this.

I let my husband take naked pictures/videos of me with his cell phone several weeks ago. It's something we've done often, not a big deal at all. However, I found out the night before last that he sent one picture and one video to a "friend" (someone he's never met, he's known him over an internet truck forum for about 2 years). I might not even be so angry if that video hadn't shown my face, but it did.

Is there a valid perspective other than "He's a jerk with no moral character?" I would really love an alternate reality right now; one in which he was just a good guy who made a mistake. Is that possible? My reality sucks.


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## sarah.rslp

Jen said:


> I posted this in the general discussion thread as well; I'm new, so if that's a major faux pas, I'm sorry. As I was looking around the site more, this seemed like an appropriate place to post this problem. I'd like some mens opinions on this.
> 
> I let my husband take naked pictures/videos of me with his cell phone several weeks ago. It's something we've done often, not a big deal at all. However, I found out the night before last that he sent one picture and one video to a "friend" (someone he's never met, he's known him over an internet truck forum for about 2 years). I might not even be so angry if that video hadn't shown my face, but it did.
> 
> Is there a valid perspective other than "He's a jerk with no moral character?" I would really love an alternate reality right now; one in which he was just a good guy who made a mistake. Is that possible? My reality sucks.


What you described happens all the time, which is one of the reasons I've never let a guy have a picture of me that I couldn't bare other people to see.

But this isn't some loser bf showing his mates nudey pix of his girlfriend this is your husband and I really find that shocking. He has betrayed your trust, in a major way.

As for how you deal with it I really don't know.


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## GAsoccerman

I posted a reply on your other thread, I am sure this will be merged.


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## okeydokie

his actions were absolutely wrong.


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## DanielPete

Hi,

This is absolutely wrong  , There could be no rational explanation for his actions ....


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## draconis

WHat he did was wrong, not only because he did it without your permission but this type of stuff ends up on the internet and they have sites just for that type of thing. Further now his friend has to be put in the loop of being trusted that he will not do such a thing either.

draconis


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## sarah.rslp

As to what you do about the picture now. If you want to control what happens to it, then YOU need to speak to the friend directly. Hopefully he'll do the decent thing. I know it might be embarressing but I know from past experience it can shock guys into doing the right thing.

Once you're certain that the only people with access to the pics were your husband and his friend you might have some piece of mind. 

I'm still lost for words as to how you should deal with your husband.


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## revitalizedhusband

I travel a lot for work and my wife and I have sent each other some risky pictures via our cell phones while I was out of town.

There is NO WAY I would ever share those with someone else, and matter of fact they typically get deleted the same day they are sent so that no one who happens to pick up my phone (kids, parents, etc) would find them.

Its just a cute thing we do back and forth when I'm out of town.

What your husband did is just plain wrong and he needs to know exactly how you feel about it.


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## snix11

Jen, what did he say when you talked to him about it?


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## sunflower

and this was your husband wow thats a huge lack of respect what a jerk. I would be PISSED.


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## TheOptimist

Wrong as it was, and no doubt it is worrisome... and you have lots of points of view that say "idiot" "jerk" "what was he thinking"... however, another point of view, that may apply, is 1) he's proud of himself for catching you 2) he's bragging how hot his wife is, 3) his self image gets a boost showing you off.

my 2 cents.

(doesn't make it O.K. just makes him a little less of a villan)


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## LOVETAKESWORK

Jen, this is very troubling, but as one writer stated very common. I like what “Optimist” wrote and tend to agree with this line of thinking. Although your husband's behavior was unacceptable I too believe that his actions stem out of pride and gratitude, this is not the action of a depraved villain, but an immature man who lacks judgment. I highly recommend getting a hold of his phone and computer and deleting every picture and video you do not want to ever be seen by anyone but him or you. Second, don't allow him to take these types of pictures of you again. He has the real thing and doesn't need a copy. Thirdly, evaluate his actions and yours and think through what might be missing in your relationship that this type of behavior was even necessary. I am not judging you, as my wife and I did similar things a very long time ago, but have discovered greater intimacies since those days and our love is expressed just as much outside the bedroom as in it, by far more expressions of love than sex and risky behavior. Take care dear Jen. Wishing your husband and you much success!


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## DB in PA

Not cheating, but morally and ethically wrong. I do have photos of my wife, and even right now, as angry with her for the affair as I am, I would never post them, nor share them with anyone...they were for us, and no one else.
iF HE CAN'T SEE WHAT HE HAS DONE IS WRONG, BRING HIM HERE AND EVERYONE HERE WILL SET HIM STRIGHT!!
GOOD LUCK


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## justean

but thats the trouble - everything gets sent on these days. so if you dont want it to get forwarded its your partner you should be angry at.
he was supposed the one you trusted in the first place with the photo.
dont do these things , if you dont realise the risks.
most things are a risk these days.


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## sunflower

Ya I have friends that take pics or have girls send them pics and they send them on like nothing but thats also when they are dating not married


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## sadhusband

Ouch. He should have kept it to himself for his own sake. He probably shared it with his "friend" in a moment of wanting to show off so that is the good part, but without your permission, that is wrong. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt... not sure I should. I would have a frank talk with him and tell him you feel hurt, upset, and that your trust has been violated. Ask him why he sent it and why he did not say he was going to or ask... ask him if it is a fantasy of his and if so, how can you indulge him without the violation of trust... I don't know... I just think there is more going on here... I would delve deeper and talk about what turns him on... if it creeps you out and is not comfortable for you, then tell him that... and tell him NOT to do that EVER again if he wants to stay married to you... just a thought...


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## SweetBillyV

You need to ask yourself why you let him take the photos and videos in the first place? Was it for personal enjoyment? Maybe you do not know your husband as well as you thought. Voyeurism is a huge internet addiction.


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## Sensitive

Perhaps he was just bragging about how hot his wife is. Some men are like that. It seems common sense to ask you for permission, but men will be men.


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## djl

Jen, I'm new here and have issues of my own but I just wanted to tell you that no matter what the 'reason' for his doing what he did, you have been betrayed in a big way. 
You may not have shown good common sense in this day and age of electronic media and the internet by allowing the pix/movies to be made, but there is no excuse for a betrayal of trust such as this to have occurred. 
I am at odds with my spouse currently and hope to come to a peaceful resolution with her. I can only hope that you and your husband will do the same.

djl


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## Oldfart

Jen,
From a 48 yr old male’s point of view, if he was my son, I would slap him one, that’s how angry and disappointed I would be in him. To disrespect you like this is beyond the realms of ANY form of excuse, rime or reasoning.

He has betrayed your trust, it’s that simple. Get the photos back and destroy ALL copies of any naked shots, because as he has shown his lack of respect for you he will show them again.


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## bhappy3

Wow, I think oldfart finally said it... take the phone and take all his pics and videos away, delete them all. Sorry about his luck. Trust like that is a one shot deal. You screw that up once, you pay the price. Tough.


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## sunflower

Ya I just think how he treated that was you are like just another Biatch to him you know not like you are his partner. I dont know. My husband would never and trust me we almost got a divorce over me playing strip poker with his best friend and my best friend well they are ex best friends now BUT ya he got me back.


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## DownButNotOut

From my perspective:

Guy wanting to look at pictures of his wife/gf: normal

Guy sending them to *anyone*: complete creep!


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## revitalizedhusband

DownButNotOut said:


> From my perspective:
> 
> Guy wanting to look at pictures of his wife/gf: normal
> 
> Guy sending them to *anyone*: complete creep!


Exactly.

I love "naughty" pictures of my wife, but would NEVER let anyone else see them, period.


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## Pdad

I agree with SweetBillyV- you need to look at why you let anyone, even your husband, take nude pictures of you in the first place. That being said, there is a serious issue for a husband to betray his wife's trust by sharing any such intimate things- be they pictures or even talking about some intimate things with anyone else, let alone someone they do not even know. Has he had a lobotomy?


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## keepsmiling

This is exactly why I can't bring myself to do it - even if it was a cheeky underwear shot, if it's digital it could end up anywhere! This is something to be enjoyed within the couple, not 'hey check out my wife at her most vulnerable'


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## Ghost88

TheOptimist said:


> Wrong as it was, and no doubt it is worrisome... and you have lots of points of view that say "idiot" "jerk" "what was he thinking"... however, another point of view, that may apply, is 1) he's proud of himself for catching you 2) he's bragging how hot his wife is, 3) his self image gets a boost showing you off.
> 
> my 2 cents.
> 
> (doesn't make it O.K. just makes him a little less of a villan)


It was totally wrong and lot's of great advice above. But +1 on the perspective which might at least help you understand where he was coming from. 

Sit down and have a very honest and forthright talk with him. This is bad for both of you and he needs to understand the consequences (both now and potential) of his actions...


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## jaquen

Wrong? Absolutely.


But likely more common than a lot of women realize. If a guy has a woman he considers hot, it's not unusual these days for him to share the pics.

Perhaps the relative anonymity he has with this online "friend" made it easier to cross the boundary. People often find themselves doing, and saying, things online that they would never do in "real" life.


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## BjornFree

This thread is three years old........just saying.


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## Open up now let it all go

Anybody else notice the more then 3 year bump? 

Zombie thread on the prawl - watch your step!


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## jaquen

Ha!

Didn't even notice.


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## 2ntnuf

1wrong noun \ˈrȯŋ\

Definition of WRONG

1
a : an injurious, unfair, or unjust act : action or conduct inflicting harm without due provocation or just cause
b : a violation or invasion of the legal rights of another; especially : tort
2
: something wrong, immoral, or unethical; especially : principles, practices, or conduct contrary to justice, goodness, equity, or law
3
: the state, position, or fact of being or doing wrong: as
a : the state of being mistaken or incorrect
b : the state of being guilty


Yep. I'd say he was wrong.


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## Stonewall

I vote jerk!


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