# She filed for divorce - unusual circumstances arise



## idaho2010 (Aug 2, 2010)

My wife (who filed for divorce) and I have been together 13 years, married 9. Have 2 of our children, 2 of hers. No infidelity on my part, alcohol, drugs of other issues. 

My career was tough and I moved around more so than normal for good jobs, pay etc.

I lost my job due to political issues, was unemployed for about 3 months and found a job overseas to support the family. One year away without family. We moved the family to her mothers for a while, at their offering. Safer environment.

While away the first 3 months communications were great and what I would have expected.

She found out she needed a full hysterectomy and things changed. It is as if she did not understand I was in a remote location far from family and alone. I was in a very remote and small location. I was unable to return home for the surgery and she wanted her mother with her.

She had the surgery and then comms dropped off. She rarely called, I initiated the calls. 

She spoke once of wanting to leave me but the children and "was the grass greaner?" were mentioned by her. This conversation was left at we have a chance to make the marriage work.

We spent about 6 days together on my vacation 7 months into the one year contract and things went well with the family. 

After that I returned to work and I sensed something was wrong. I had not had contact with family for 10 days then 13 days...then it stopped Forward to May....divorce paperwork arrives to me...completely unknown.

I sensed something during this time but could not put it together.

Well upon coming back to the states, living with friends, communications were through attorney, even though I was taking this level headed.

Then comms picked up and we have been on the phone most every day and evening for about 1 full month or more now. We have an agreement for custody (temporary as divorce is not final) and durnig the exchanges she was cold atfirst but held my hand a few times.

OK here comes the wierd part....there are no issues to dispute in the divorce. but it has not progressed...I am not holding it up though I am trying for reconciliation. She states she wants the divorce..a clean slate then after to see if we can get together and get married in the church.......

She calls me, she texts me, and we communicate rather well. Once call she said not to give up on her that she needs me, and also that she wants to say I love You but just not able right now.

I have addressed my thoughts about sving the marriage and saving our family whatever it takes.

About infidelity: I definately have not. Through what I know (facts only) I have to say no, even though some friends assume there is another man. I have no "proof" showing otherwise.


Anyways this is the short version......Just looking for opinions discussion.

She had hormone therapy and now is in aneixty counciling. We are living apart and the divorce is still pending.

I cannot believe this woman is the same person who I knew for 13 years. We did get to see each other for 6 days about 2 months after her surgery and she appeared to be ok, was close and we were in good spirits for the week. 

She holds on to hate and does not show emotions to me, the closeness that once was strong is not there. I know that once filing for a divorce things change....if she walked into the attorney's office and filled out paperwork and signed it, than things may never be the way they were. She told me that she remembers walking out of the attorney's office thinking "did I just do that?"

She wants the divorce, a clean slate, than try to get together again. This is a very confusing proposition. 

She has been open with me regarding her feelings, emotions etc. but as said by others, she does not see the change. 

I would welcome contact from others in the similar situation to discuss things.

[email protected] 

Sorry I made two posts that were similar so I revamped it and made this one.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I am assuming that you are still out of the country. That makes working on any relationship difficult. 

She is going through changes (physical/mental). It sounds like she's getting help. For some the process can be quite bewildering. Don't discount the hysterectomy playing SOME role in her decision making. It can be very traumatic for a woman. Think of losing your reproductive system and the trauma that brings in one's life and relationship.

Try working on yourself...as you said you have made changes. Continue these changes for the better. There are no easy answers.


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## idaho2010 (Aug 2, 2010)

Sorry for the confused post...

I am back in country and have been for 3 months. Living separate from her and the kids as she has filed.

Thanks for your post


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