# leave now or try harder



## addie (Apr 19, 2010)

I am needing advice. I have known my husband for 9 yrs and married to him for 5. I love him more than i can explain. We have 3 kids together. Sounds like a wonderful life right? Well 2 yrs ago we had issues that i thought were minor. He said he was having issues and had lost all feeling inside. I was confused at the time bc our life seemed great to me. New house, a beautiful daughter, and a son on the way. Our sex life was great too. So i thought he slipped into a depression or something. Idk. After a couple months he decided to leave me. I was 4 months prego and crushed. 2 days after he left he was emailing another girl(whom i asked him to stay away from) telling her he loved her. A few months months later he was still dating her. I decided to leave and move home which was out if state. I needed help and support bc all his money went to himself and my monet was running low from paying childcare, cars, mortgage, etc. He decided he was gonna go home for a visit with us. Again he emailed this girl begging her to wait on him bc he was coming back. Sge told him no. Long story short. He stayed with me and asked if we could work things out. Of i would bc i loved him. Through reading texts and seeing pics i discovered he gave her a necklace he bought me back in 2006. He denied it and says im crazy. He also denies having sex with thia girl. I told him i needed truth and he still denies everything. I forgave him and um trying to move on. After 2 yrs he still dont treat me like he used to. I want affection and someone to impress me. He makes me feel like he still wants the other girl. He treated her like royalty and i guess im jealous. I try to get over it but im struggling. I want him to want me. I love him more than anything and thats why im staying right now. But i also want happiness for me and my kids. Please help
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## smylie (Feb 26, 2012)

I personally would leave. 

I wouldn't be able to spend my entire life trying to get someone to treat me with love and affection.

I know it's a hard decision to make, and even harder still is to think objectively about the situation and use reason and logic instead of relying solely on feelings and emotions. But if you can try to do this, I think you will end up being so much happier in the long run.

For example, instead of asking yourself, what you can do to earn his unconditional love, and affection, ask yourself if his behavior towards you is consistent with someone who desires a loving, affectionate relationship with you. 

Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself and don't be afraid to leave if you feel you deserve to be loved the way YOU want to be loved.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

smylie said:


> For example, instead of asking yourself, what you can do to earn his unconditional love, and affection, ask yourself if his behavior towards you is consistent with someone who desires a loving, affectionate relationship with you.


A better question to ask yourself is why the way he treats you has not made you leave. A better question still is why you tolerate feeling this way. It truly is hard, but you have to love yourself more than you love him. Sitting there allowing him to make you unhappy is not going to make him want to make you happy. Sitting there wishing he loved you is not going to make him love you. 

It is what it is, and no one has any magic potions to offer you. The closest thing to that is suggesting you leave (or make him leave). Leaving will accomplish one of two things. Very often, leaving will bring the other partner out of their fog. He suddenly realizes he still loves his wife, doesn't want to lose her, and becomes desperate to keep her. So, either it will work to bring his love and attention back to you, or it will set you free of your misery to discover love and happiness can happen again. He wasn't the last fish, and you obviously didn't get the prize catch. He isn't worth it, and the only thing you are hanging on to are your emotions and your hurt feelings. Your good and common sense will make you see that if you just get the nerve to do something other than sitting there thinking he is so great when he showed you he isn't much at all. Have the nerve to turn the tables and take back your power that you handed him on a silver. Think more of yourself than you think of him, and you will discover YOUR true value.


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