# F me Like she F'ed Him



## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

We are 2 months into R. She is doing just about everything I ask, and MC is helping. She seems to be taking full responsibility. The OM no longer works with her and she is maintaining NC.

One issue though. She is having sex with me regularly but it seems uninspired. She thinks I should be happy to be getting it regularly. I want her to be passionate, and do for me all the things she did for him. I know she opened up somewhat with OM.

She says mentally she is not there b/c I am not showing her love, she is doing most of the work. I think she should want to do all those things and more to keep me. I feel my being here still after the 3 yr affair is showing her plenty of love.

What do you all think? Is she still connected to him? She says it had been "over" for awhile and she has no feelings for OM. I am not so sure.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If the sex is uninspired on her side I would say she is trying to convince you that she no longer is interested in the OM or just keeping you busy while she continues her affair underground.


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

When she says you are not showing her love what does she mean? Are you putting up a wall and not communicating or does she feel like you aren't forgiving her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

slater said:


> We are 2 months into R. She is doing just about everything I ask, and MC is helping. She seems to be taking full responsibility. The OM no longer works with her and she is maintaining NC.
> 
> One issue though. She is having sex with me regularly but it seems uninspired. She thinks I should be happy to be getting it regularly. I want her to be passionate, and do for me all the things she did for him. I know she opened up somewhat with OM.
> 
> ...


3 YEARS!! OMG. And now she is saying that she is not in the marriage mentally (translate: emotionally/not in love with you). She is blaming her lack of work and commitment on you. This is BS. She should be doing most of the work to help you recover and not complaining about anything. You are correct that you have shown her plenty by simply staying with her at this point. She is having sex with you because she feels obligated - not because she wants/needs it. But, you already know this.

Why are you staying? How long have you been married? Children?

3 years of lying, cheating, betraying. I don't think I could get over that. Can you?


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

Cogo123 said:


> When she says you are not showing her love what does she mean? Are you putting up a wall and not communicating or does she feel like you aren't forgiving her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am communicating, for sure. I think she feels I am beating her up (emotionally) over the affair by bringing it up often and continuing to ask questions. She has seriously under-estimated the damage she has caused and my emotional state.

Married 10 yrs- 3 kids. I am here b/c of the kids. And a slight hope we can rebuild what was once a good marriage.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

2mths is hardly long enough to get over a 3YEAR AFFAIR! This is classic of a BS from what I see. The 'get over it' attitude.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She Only has been in R for 2 months? Sorry to say this, but if she's been doing him for three years,she isn't back to being your wife after two months.

Right now she hopefully is actually not seeing him any longer and is going through grieving.

While she is doing this, you need to be verifying that she really has ended all contact. Do this for the next couple of months while she gets him out of her.

Only then when he is really gone, and you have verified it, then will you be ready to begin R.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

not sure I see logic in affair still going on underground. I outed her to both families. At this point, if she wanted him, it would be easier to leave the marriage than stay.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

She's suppose to be doing the heavy lifting, that's not remorse.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

slater said:


> not sure I see logic in affair still going on underground. I outed her to both families. At this point, if she wanted him, it would be easier to leave the marriage than stay.


Maybe she didn't get any "real" consequence's from her affair and willing to take chances for another round?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

She was never that into you. Ask her if she'd prefer to be 'taken'.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Don't stick it out for the kids hoping for her to come back to you IMO. If that's the only reason you're staying in the marriage then you're gonna be in for a rude awakening in the future.

If she can't open up to you also and still blames you for her not having the passion she should have for you, show her the door and let her be on her way.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

OMG - She was screwing him for 3 years? Why would you even want to be with someone who would humiliate and disrespect your for 3 years? It seems to be she is the big winner here. She screws her lover for 3 years and has a husband to come back to because he wants to stay married to her.....Why? She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. Have you both been tested for STD's. If the roles were reversed do you think she would have accepted you back. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

bryanp said:


> OMG - She was screwing him for 3 years? Why would you even want to be with someone who would humiliate and disrespect your for 3 years? It seems to be she is the big winner here. She screws her lover for 3 years and has a husband to come back to because he wants to stay married to her.....Why? She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. Have you both been tested for STD's. If the roles were reversed do you think she would have accepted you back. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


Good grief I didn't know it was 3 years


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If you expect her to be all into you after 3 years of an affair, then you are being unrealistic. 

She chose to preserve the marriage, apparently. That does not mean she's fallen back in love with you.

It sounds to me like you are trying to punish her rather than to reconnect. You want her to jump through your hoops--by acting like she is all into you. It would be wrong for her to do it while she does not feel it. 

You have every right to ask questions about the affair and not to trust her. BUT you have a responsibility to find out what YOU were doing/not doing that turned her off of you in the first place. When you fix that, you may find she comes back to you fully, b/c that isn't going to happen out of her guilt. 

If your anger over the affair makes it impossible for you to look at what the marriage was like when it was not going great for her (which is when she should have left rather than having the affair, of course, but that's water under the bridge), then you won't see progress. A strong and mutually satisfying marriage doesn't end up with an affair. Something was broken before that point. Rewind to that point to figure out your part of repairing the marriage. If you cannot even try to be a better husband b/c "what she did was so much worse" (and it was), then just divorce now.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

sisters359 said:


> It would be wrong for her to do it while she does not feel it.


If this is the case then screw the marriage. Why the hell stay in a marriage and hope things will work out if one person doesn't have feelings for the other person.

Oh but MAYBE and by some miracle it'll just happen, F that. Cut your losses and run IMO.

If the WS can't reconnect or is unwilling to and just going through the motions, screw them. They can go and jump off a bridge (which I should have done also).

F the cheater, if later on they finally see the light they can go back and ask if there is a chance at getting back together again. But most of the time at that point the BS would rather shove the bird in their face and slam the door on them.

And my marriage was great on both sides. Nothing was broken aside from the fact that I was young and horny and couldn't keep my pants on. Some people are just a-holes and that's a fact. It's about me and the F with everyone else because I take care of myself 1st.

You put on the kiddie gloves and I'll beat you senseless and that's what I did to my wife when she was begging and pleading (not physically beat her but emotionally). It wasn't until she grabbed a 2x4 and beat me over the head with it that I finally woke up.


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## Carol/BC (Mar 23, 2012)

slater said:


> I think she should want to do all those things and more to keep me. I feel my being here still after the 3 yr affair is showing her plenty of love.


If you hope to go forward in your relationship, you can't guilt trip her - it doesn't help. (The above quote says you're doing that.) You have both behaved poorly. Both of you need to look at how your own actions got you here - and how they are keeping you here. If you're going to be a team again, each of you need to start looking at how you've let the other one down. Then you need to change it. Keeping her in the doghouse won't help. It also won't help to come here for confirmation that she did you wrong. Look - she said she didn't feel loved...well, that ball's in your court. You can fix that.

I really commend you for being willing to work on this - ditto for her. Both of you have admitted to mistakes; it speaks highly of you both for continuing. This is an opportunity to rebuild the relationship on a better footing, but it will take the best parts of both of you to do it. Expect better behavior from her, and demand better behavior from yourself.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

Yea, as hard as it is...she needs more time. Eventually everything will hit her like a ton of bricks. Keep doing your thing in the mean time.

3 years is a lot of pain to get over. You should ask yourself if you can really forgive her for everything she's done? Impossible to move forward while you're still holding on to anger and resentment (rightly so). Forgiving something like this takes an extremely strong person. So do it for the right reasons, not just the kids.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Don't get me wrong, I think sex is an essential part of marriage. However, with your recent trauma, it may not be the most essential component. I think that you are both ambivalent as to whether to continue the relationship. That is not conducive to good sex. In my case, it took me years to start to trust her. During that time, when I made love to my wife, I had to fantasize about someone else to even get off. This has improved over time. So don't expect your sex to be making love at this point. Give it some time, maybe a lot of time.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

You are begging your wife to be into you after you exposed her in a 3year affair. Do you realize how pathetic your marriage is ? She isn't into you.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She also should be begging you to be with her. What is wrong with this picture? She knows that she can do anything to you for any amount of time and there are no consequences to her actions.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

You say you are 2 months in to R. How long has NC been for? What have you done to assure that NC is still in place. Do not assume that because you have exposed her affair to everyone and she says she hasn't contacted the OM that she is telling the truth. Look at all the famous people who lost important positions and million dollar jobs over affairs. You can't use logic to judge someone in an affair. 3 years is an awfully long time, its almost a second marriage. I would have difficulty believing that she can go NC cold turkey. Is it possible she's just laying low until she thinks you are not watching and then she'll start up again? I would think that would prevent her from emotionally reinvesting with you. I think her level of intimacy with you should not be your main concern right now.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

The input here certainly runs the gambit. Am I a fool for not kicking her to the curb, perhaps. But I promised myself I would give her some time, maybe 3-6 months before I made any big decisions. I figured I owed my children that. Will I leave, maybe. But for now I have chosen to pursue R. So that is where I am.

I have worked to validate NC- VAR, email, etc. She quit her job this week as well (very high paying and prestigious) to take a lesser position to accommodate me. Ultimately, I believe though, for this to work, I have to give up the spying. What is the point really, she can create more email accounts if she wanted to. We have a strong MC who is guiding us and she (MC) has been very helpful.

I understand the posts about guilting her into it. Thanks for those and the other insightful posts. I may be the biggest fool in the world, but at the end of the day, I am willing to sacrifice all of my pride if it means a chance at more time with my kids and the chance, no matter how slim, of us rebuilding our family. She knows if I catch her in 1 lie, no matter how small it is over. If she relapses or whatever its called, I will find out and it will be done. I will know then as well that I did all I could and she failed us. We (the BS) can only do so much.

Thanks again for the comments- I have learned and continue to learn so much from this forum. I keep thinking this will get easier...it is only getting more difficult.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

A marriage is 50/50 and I think you should be trying to take care of her needs as well. You said she's doing everything else she asks to R with you. What's the problem with showing her you love her? 

Just trying to help with my .02


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

Love Song said:


> A marriage is 50/50 and I think you should be trying to take care of her needs as well. You said she's doing everything else she asks to R with you. What's the problem with showing her you love her?
> 
> Just trying to help with my .02


She cheated for 3 years. Isn't staying w/ her after her dumping piles of crap on him evidence enuf that he's showing his love? The rational person MIGHT be willing to take the cheater back, but the cheater had better be sorry for what they did and had better show remorse. Most people would not be as gracious as this man and would have kicked her to the curb.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> She thinks I should be happy to be getting it regularly.


This is a problem. Sex shouldn't be a privilege in a marriage/relationship. It shoudn't be a commodity. She shouldn't think that she is doing you a favor by offering sex..This destroys relationships as it is without adding the infidelity.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

_She says mentally she is not there b/c I am not showing her love, she is doing most of the work. I think she should want to do *all those things and more* to keep me. I feel my being here still after the 3 yr affair is showing her plenty of love.

What do you all think? Is she still connected to him? She says it had been "over" for awhile and she has no feelings for OM. I am not so sure. _

If you are talking about specific physical acts she did with the other man but won't do with you, I see your point and agree with you. If you are talking about displaying the same amount of passion, I think that will come with time as what she was getting from the other man is replaced with what she is getting from you.

I think you have to force yourself to show her more kindness at this point. If she is back and meeting your conditions, then you have to make the effort to treat her with love, affection, and kindness that is due any faithful wife. If she is being faithful now, you have to treat her as such as far as your love and affection go. You can still verify no contact by looking at her devices/accounts, checking her whereabouts, etc. These things should have been out in the open and never secret to begin with. But you must also rebuild your love. You both should be trying to win each other back. You have to fix what was wrong with your marriage, on both sides.

If you love her, show her that. If you don't, what's the point? If you show her love and she remains no contact with the other man, she will begin to show more passion to you.

I could be wrong, but I just got the sense from your post that you are still angry at her and are trying to punish her. While I understand those feelings given your situation, if you want to reconcile, you have to try to get over those feelings and forgive. You will never forget, but if you want to reconcile with your wife, you must forgive.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i think you have a right to feel as you do.

i also think if you are choosing to stay in the marriage you need to give also.
if you dont show her love and attention, it will prove in her mind that she was right in doing what she did and will probably lead her to do it again because she will think 'whats the point' if youre not going to show her as well.

she definitely has to carry the biggest part, but i dont think you can just sit back and do nothing because you are there and thats enough.
you have to show her that coming back and stopping the affair was the right choice.

i would still use the spying for a while, its too soon to give it up.
do you have a key logger?
that would show you if she is using new e-mails, at least on her computer.
i installed one on my personal lap top because my exw knew i had something on hers so she tried using mine with my consent thinking mine would be free of a key logger, she got caught using that tactic too.

if the kids are the only reason you are staying, my opinion is in the long run, that will do more damage than a divorce.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Just a quick question, is having Sex with your wife a Trigger? It is difficult to heal that rift that she caused by opening herself to another man for 3 years while ignoring you.

You and her may need to have some help in bridging this rift. 

It is not as easy as some say to just forgive and go on.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

sex with her at this point is not a trigger. Thanks for all of the insight from everyone. I think I have been trying to punish her. I will make an effort to show her more that I lover her and see how that affects her. I do not have a key logger- her computer is a work computer so I cannot do that. With her new job, she will be getting a new phone, a personal phone so I will add a tracker to that when she gets the phone.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

IMHO, both of you are wasting your time for R for the sake of children.

You are not that much into forgiving her ( i know its tough after 3 yrs of screwing around) She is not that much into true remorse, 

True R is impossible without you forgiving (not forget) her from your inner core and she feeling true remorse and understanding the pain she caused. In your case both is not happening, So you are leading a false R. it wont last long. It will only create more resentment than love.

If you want R, then take your own time for dealing with your anger and pain, she may also need some time to come out of the fog, it may take some time as it was a 3yr affair as if like a second marriage. Give her some space to clear her head.

When both are clear of head then decide what you want to do with this marriage, if both of you still feel this marriage is salvageable go for R, else go for D. But never stay in a marriage for kids it will only give trouble for kids.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Why did you make her quit the prestigious high paying job? Will she resent you for that? This seems to have happened very fast. 

Was the affair a full PA (i.e. multiple X's/wk), time away from you and the family & much less sex for you?

How does someone have 3 young kids, a prestigious high-level job and is capable of carrying on an affair for 3 years?

She is in withdrawal and you went the nuclear path, i.e. exposing to families, which can have a devastating affect that can not easily confronted in a matter of 2 months. 

Basically you have turned her life upside down, and as much as it is her responsibility to own up to what she did and the pain it caused, she too is certainly battling many demons and changes in her life, so you too have to be patient.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Basically you have turned her life upside down,


(dislike) <---- dislike button


sorry but SHE turned her life upside down.
SHE turned EVERYBODYS life upside down.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

She was already in the process of looking for another job, this just sped things along. It was easy for her to manage the fair because they used to travel together to see clients. He left the firm last spring, so the A had cooled quite a bit as he lives in another part of the country.

@ Kallan- that is my fear....you may be right.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Since you are making a sincere effort at R, I'd like to suggest that the two of you read *together* the book "His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr Willard Harley, "The Five Languages Of Love" by Dr Gary Chapman, and "Not Just Friends" by Dr Shirley Glass. The commitment that the two of you show in implementing many of the principles in these books, will determine how well your marriage will recover from her affair.

Are YOU going to IC? You should, especially with a professional with experience in treating victims of infidelity and PTSD. Your well being is paramount even if your marriage doesn't survive.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

morituri said:


> Since you are making a sincere effort at R, I'd like to suggest that the two of you read *together* the book "His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr Willard Harley, "The Five Languages Of Love" by Dr Gary Chapman, and "Not Just Friends" by Dr Shirley Glass. The commitment that the two of you show in implementing many of the principles in these books, will determine how well your marriage will recover from her affair.
> 
> Are YOU going to IC? You should, especially with a professional with experience in treating victims of infidelity and PTSD. Your well being is paramount even if your marriage doesn't survive.


We have read 5LL as part of MC. I will get the others. I have seen my minister a couple times, but you are right- I need IC.

Thanks


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Slater,

I give you a lot of credit for sticking with the marriage.

Sometimes you just have to throw the dice and go all in to the Reconciliation.

You almost have to say to your wife " I love you, I forgive you (does not mean you will ever forget, no one does) and I am going to have to learn to trust you. I refuse to be a prison guard looking over your shoulder every minute. If you abuse my trust and love again then i am gone."

Then you just go all in. You can still trust your gut. The spying everyday can be punishment to both of you. And sometimes it just kills whats left of the marriage.

What do you really have to lose????

Good Luck to you and let us know how you are doing.

HM64


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

I will stay in touch. We are headed for a short trip together. No kids. My goal is to take a mental vaca as well, not mention it at all. Almost forget about it for 3 days. As our MC said, doing that won't be pretending it didn't happen, just a mental break and all the Sh1t will be waiting for us when we come back. I hope we (I) can do it.

I will be drinking so that will be interesting. i have made a point to cut back almost completely from drinking since this began. i don't want to create another problem. But I am worried what i might say/do after a few. Hopefully I just chill. I think if she validates me enough through her actions and expressions I can make it.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Good for you. You both need a mental break.

Just hang loose and enjoy your vacation without the kids.


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## itgetsbetter (Mar 1, 2012)

While it's probably ideal to be able to shower your wife with love and woo her at this very early stage of R...that can be damned hard to do IRL. Your pride and self esteem takes a beating when your spouse cheats on you, over and over...and the anger that builds can be immense. Even if you want to stay in that marriage and work things through...being immediately asked to be super loving toward the person who caused your emotional Chernobyl isn't so easy. In fact, it can be almost impossible in the beginning.

Just do the best you can, OP, but really it's time for HER to show HER love right now...you have already shown her a commitment to marriage. She might need to be happy with that for awhile until some time, and healing, passes.

Similiarly, I think you may need to move the importance of "urgency and passion" in your sex life on the back burner for a short while. Things are still very early, and your wife just isn't feeling those things yet. She hasn't been passionate about you in years...and now she's lost her lover, her job and everybody knows what a low down thing she did to you. It's not realisitic right now to think she wants to have raw, hardcore, animal sex with you. As your marriage improves though, you should start to see this come as a result.

I wish you the very best! :smthumbup:


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

I Know said:


> She cheated for 3 years. Isn't staying w/ her after her dumping piles of crap on him evidence enuf that he's showing his love? The rational person MIGHT be willing to take the cheater back, but the cheater had better be sorry for what they did and had better show remorse. Most people would not be as gracious as this man and would have kicked her to the curb.


I thought the point of R was getting back together for the betterment of the marriage? So what, because he is the victim allows him to hold it above her head for the rest of her life? 

Yes she needs to do a lot of the heavy lifting because she's got to start over and work back his trust. And to prove that she really does want to be married to him genuinely. But part of R also involves him working on forgiving her. If he cant do that than he needs to move on. 

Saying you wronged me so I don't owe you anything is bullsh1t. Excuse my french. Disregarding your partners needs is the opposite of what a marriage is about.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Love Song said:


> But part of R also involves him working on forgiving her. If he cant do that than he needs to move on.


Forgiveness is a must for a betrayed spouse to move on from the affair whether or not the marriage continues or ends. It frees the betrayed from the anger and bitterness which can poison his/her life and relationship with others.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Love Song said:


> I thought the point of R was getting back together for the betterment of the marriage? So what, because he is the victim allows him to hold it above her head for the rest of her life?
> 
> Yes she needs to do a lot of the heavy lifting because she's got to start over and work back his trust. And to prove that she really does want to be married to him genuinely. But part of R also involves him working on forgiving her. If he cant do that than he needs to move on.
> 
> Saying you wronged me so I don't owe you anything is bullsh1t. Excuse my french. Disregarding your partners needs is the opposite of what a marriage is about.


While I agree that forgiveness is a must, it is wrong to suggest that the OP is planning to hold this over her head for the rest of her life. It has only been 2 months after a 3 year affair. That he want to protect himself after that kind of treatment is not only understandable, but actually healthy. 

She is going to have to go through some pain to show him that she is remorseful and in it for the long haul. That she is upset because he is not as loving as she would like is a bad sign. While a marriage is a joint project, she as the cheater has the initial burden of convincing him that he should invest anything more. To him, her needs are pretty low on the priority list, and rightly so.


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

Don't be too hash on her. She is your wife. Yes she made a mistake but you chose NOT to divorce her. 
Do what she needed you to do. Make her happy! Your wife is asking you to be more loving so she can be more inspired... Why not ? Do you want her to ask her OM instead? I don't see a point to get jealous of a man who did a husband's job for you.

Since you chose to continue your life with her. You should start to give her the chemistry that her OM was able to provide what she needed, basically he was doing your work!! 

She wanted the marriage to work, too! Stop listen to nonsense that adviced you to be harsh with your wife.
Yes she made a mistake. So?

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> While I agree that forgiveness is a must, it is wrong to suggest that the OP is planning to hold this over her head for the rest of her life. It has only been 2 months after a 3 year affair. That he want to protect himself after that kind of treatment is not only understandable, but actually healthy.
> 
> She is going to have to go through some pain to show him that she is remorseful and in it for the long haul. That she is upset because he is not as loving as she would like is a bad sign. While a marriage is a joint project, she as the cheater has the initial burden of convincing him that he should invest anything more. To him, her needs are pretty low on the priority list, and rightly so.


while i agree with this in general, he DOES need to show her she is not wasting her time or making a mistake by trying to reconcile.
if she sees absolutely nothing from him except his being there, she will see it as a waste of time and things WILL NOT work out.
he also has to come to terms with things if he is wanting to reconcile and give her something to make her feel she is doing the right thing. certainly not everything quite yet, but something. someone just being there is not enough for any type of relationship, let alone a reconciliation.


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

I also agreed with 2nd time's insights.

If you can't forgive her, it is better you tell her clearly and divorce her.

If you want the marriage to work, please make sure You Are Her Dream Man!

I'm very surprised that she chose to work on her marriage. It's rare. I believe she is still in love with you so please make her happy this time!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

"I will be drinking so that will be interesting. i have made a point to cut back almost completely from drinking since this began. i don't want to create another problem. But I am worried what i might say/do after a few. Hopefully I just chill. I think if she validates me enough through her actions and expressions I can make it.[/QUOTE]"

Isn't that kinda like playing w/ matches while standing in a pool of gasoline?


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

Yeah if you are not only loyal but also the perfect spouse on earth.

In that case she should validates you.
She is a woman wanting to be fulfilled by her husband. She doesn't need to validate her husband to be fulfilled.

As a man, when you don't want to fulfill your woman's emotional needs by giving her what she asked, but complain to her about this & that, I really don't think why she should suck it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> while i agree with this in general, he DOES need to show her she is not wasting her time or making a mistake by trying to reconcile.
> if she sees absolutely nothing from him except his being there, she will see it as a waste of time and things WILL NOT work out.
> he also has to come to terms with things if he is wanting to reconcile and give her something to make her feel she is doing the right thing. certainly not everything quite yet, but something. someone just being there is not enough for any type of relationship, let alone a reconciliation.


Perhaps, but I am not sure this is reasonable. She had a three year affair, and is upset because two months into R, he is not giving her what she needs. Part of me says tough - she played him for a long time, she can't expect him to make it easy for her. Maybe the very best he can do right now is to be there. That it is taking every effort not to kick her out and move on. So the complaint that she needs more seems to put an awful lot on him. There is no guarantee it will work out, and if she needs that to want to make an effort, then it seems doomed to fail.

With all of that said, I would urge the OP to have this very frank discussion with is wife. Be clear to her with what you are able to give her at this point and why. Be clear what you need from her and why. Talk together about steps you can take to get where you can both give each other what you need.


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

She played him for a long time- so what ? If he has been a loving & romantic H, I don't see why she should look for her fulfillments from outside for 3 damn years. 

What made you think women love to get married & give birth because they love to cheat & play their H, living in a double-faced life ? 

Then if she is so evil why you want to stay married?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

abdo said:


> She played him for a long time- so what ? If he has been a loving & romantic H, I don't see why she should look for her fulfillments from outside for 3 damn years.
> 
> What made you think women love to get married & give birth because they love to cheat & play their H, living in a double-faced life ?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think that at all. I do think that blaming the victim is poor form. In this case, his wife chose to cheat. That is on her, and no one else. You blaming his is just plain awful advice.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

:iagree:

This verges on downright silly. A person who has a mindset to cheat will never have problem finding justifications.


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

Unfortunately, I believe there is always a reason when a wife went stray.

I'm blaming him that he wanted to keep her around in his life but he tortured her, making her life difficult because she made a mistake in marriage.

She should not choose the marriage. She should choose independence and freedom instead. Now she can't get what she needs but a guilty figure in front of her H.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Tortured? Oh please, spare the drama. She is not anywhere in the same circle of hell as he is.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

abdo said:


> Unfortunately, I believe there is always a reason when a wife went stray.


There is always a reason, and that reason is never good enough.

Hypothetically, I could stab my wife to death for cheating. My reason would have been jealousy. That I have a reason wouldn't make it however a sane response.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Come on guys, everybody has their reasons. Sometimes they have to do w/ their partner, and sometimes they don't. Nonetheless, we are all responsible for our actions.


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## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

When somethings broken, you fix it...you don't throw it away.

There's NEVER an excuse for cheating (abdo are you his wife?)


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Wolfgar said:


> When somethings broken, you fix it...you don't throw it away.
> 
> There's NEVER an excuse for cheating (abdo are you his wife?)


Sometimes the cost to repair the broken item far exceeds the value. Do you keep on pouring money down the drain and hope you can eventually fix it?

And yes, there is no excuse for cheating. If you have to cheat, just divorce and move on with your life. At least you start with a clean slate.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

abdo said:


> Unfortunately, I believe there is always a reason when a wife went stray.


Sure there is and sometimes it is because she is a broken person who never addressed and resolved the personal issues of her past.



> I'm blaming him that he wanted to keep her around in his life but he tortured her, making her life difficult because she made a mistake in marriage.


You obviously are ignorant on the facts of this case. Go back and read how both of them were going to MC during the time she was involved with the OM.



> She should not choose the marriage. She should choose independence and freedom instead. Now she can't get what she needs but a guilty figure in front of her H.


That's call paying the consequences for her actions. And for your information, it was she who begged him not to divorce her and so he is giving her a second chance.

Lastly, an affair is NEVER a 'mistake'. It is a BAD choice (see the difference below)

*Mistake*: An act committed without any knowledge of a possible negative outcome.

*Bad Choice*: An act committed with awareness of the possible negative outcome but deciding to ignore it or hoping for the best.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Perhaps, but I am not sure this is reasonable. She had a three year affair, and is upset because two months into R, he is not giving her what she needs. Part of me says tough - she played him for a long time, she can't expect him to make it easy for her. Maybe the very best he can do right now is to be there. That it is taking every effort not to kick her out and move on. So the complaint that she needs more seems to put an awful lot on him. There is no guarantee it will work out, and if she needs that to want to make an effort, then it seems doomed to fail.
> 
> With all of that said, I would urge the OP to have this very frank discussion with is wife. Be clear to her with what you are able to give her at this point and why. Be clear what you need from her and why. Talk together about steps you can take to get where you can both give each other what you need.


i am certainly not saying make it easy for her or be her door mat.
she definitely needs to carry the burden here.

at the same time, he needs to show her she has reason to do her part and not just be completely unemotional about it like he doesnt care one way or the other.
if thats how he feels he should just save a bunch of time and grief and move on.

however i do like the discussion part of your post.
i really do think they should do that and cover the things you mentioned.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

No matter what happens to the marriage, slater must conquer any anger and bitterness that resides in his heart for not just his sake but for his children's as well. They need an emotionally healthy father to help them grow into healthy adults.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

He's only two months into R, maybe not even into the anger stage yet. I KNOW I was still a mess at that time! He's still feeling very raw, with the emotional roller coaster going full speed. She had better show empathy at this very early stage. This why I feel people shouldn't rush right into R, the BS may not be ready for it yet. It was 8 months before I decided to commit to R. This process takes between 2-5 YEARS. If she was truly remorseful then she should be understanding during this early period.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

OMG. This is the thread where the WW has been banging the OM for three freaking years in an LTA? Yet he's supposed to be all forgiving after being only 2 months into it? Unfreakingbelievable! She should be moving heaven and earth to earn this shot at R. 

OP, don't feel bad if this is ultimately a deal breaker for you. Her servicing this OM for three years while at the same time denying you would make anyone angry. You have the right to heal on your own timeline. Anything less than complete understanding isn't true remorse, it's rug sweeping.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You're right LM but he will have to face that later on if he wants to heal, even if he gives up and files for divorce.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

slater said:


> One issue though. She is having sex with me regularly but it seems uninspired. She thinks I should be happy to be getting it regularly. I want her to be passionate, and do for me all the things she did for him. I know she opened up somewhat with OM.
> 
> She says mentally she is not there b/c I am not showing her love, she is doing most of the work. I think she should want to do all those things and more to keep me.


You can't expect her to force herself to be passionate and inspired while having sex with you. If she was really over the other guy and really into you, the relief, the emotion, the passion of the second honeymoon and you giving her another chance would bring her swooning into your arms and screwing you with every last bit of passion and energy in her body, day after day and things would be getting better and better. But something is wrong, and you know it. 

It's forced, it's not really there, it hasn't been there in years, and from where I see it, it's just not ever going to come back. She's trying but she's probably conflicted and maybe even tortured.. can you imagine making yourself have sex with a person that you just don't have those feelings for? A person you cheated on who is expecting you to give 110 percent when you can't really give more than maybe half that?


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## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

You probably won't like what I have to say, but here is the thing. . .she (probably) cheated because you weren't enough for her (at least at the time the affair started). When she told you she needs to feel love from you, you seem to be telling her (essentially) to go to hell, you're loving her by "hanging around." I am just shooting straight here but that's not love...it might be convenience, it is probably laziness, but it isn't love. Although I agree that she needs to be making some serious strides towards reparation, most likely, so do you. I see NO MENTION of what you are doing towards making your marriage better. In my observation and readings I have noticed that most affairs happen for a reason. Have you figured out the WHY yet? 

I am going to pose just a little question: Do you feel that you are lucky that she chose you over the OM? If you can't answer that question affirmatively, then I think you should consider more than counseling. Because you would probably be staying in your marriage for the wrong reasons, and there is nothing good down that road.


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

Yes, he is supposed to forgive her or divorce her. Period.

Otherwise why wasting time torturing each other ? You keep talking about the past, when having sex, you were stuck in her past how she did. When she asked you for more love, you are stuck in her past and you want her to look guilty, feel the guilt and shamed on herself 24 hours of the day but be 100 % sl*tty in bed for you? I want to ask which woman can do that?

I don't know how she is gonna make it through the blame session for another 2 months.

Life is short, make it sweet. 
You have to fully trust her & give the chemistry she needs. She will be grateful to you!
It's very important not to look back to the past and get stuck in a DS's past.

First of all, you must assure that you want to let begones be bygones and you won't force her to show you she is 100% a porn star for you. It's insane! You should make sure that she feels comfortable when having sex with you, instead, you made sex with you a stressful job. 

This is my experience dealing with infidelity. So I shared with you.

Otherwise no matter what she did, you will never feel happy.



_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Its good to see we have geniuses like abdo and scarletgrace keeping things interesting. 

Man this morphine drip is fab.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

Hi Morituri,
You know what? I fully support her to get divorced and go back to her OM.

Living in the guilt & shame is not gonna work for too long. Who wants to try?

Marriage is not a cage. I'm sure she is confused now.


She doesn't need to put up with her insane H who basically wanted her to be his porn star without giving the love & passion she needs. Yet, he gave the blame he needed.

I feel sorry that she chose to suck it up... She doesn't have to.
Let he go, or stop the blame session treatment.

She was not brave enough! I think she still loves her H. Too bad!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

I hope you only wanted to vent here but in bed, you were very loving to her. You are not that crazy , are you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Hi abdo 

You know what? I fully support that your husband divorce you and go back to his OW.

I feel sorry that your husband chose to suck it up by giving you free passes to cheat.

He was not brave enough! I think he still loves his W, you. Too bad!


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

I'm getting very irritated with your responses, abdo. The only doing the torturing here is the OP's "wife." She chose to cheat for years, if she isn't willing to go above and beyond to fix the relationship, then she should end it. Also, there is no one else to blame for her actions. She may have "reasons" for cheating, but it was *her choice to cheat.* 

*There is no one to blame but her.*

To say you support her running off with the OM because she shouldn't have to put up with feeling guilty that *she was a terrible person* is insane. "QQ I cheated on my husband, now he is trying to make me feel guilty, QQQQQQ." Get a grip. She SHOULD feel guilty. She SHOULD be passionate about fixing their relationship if she actually wants it to be repaired. Most of the reconciliation is on her. 

Yes, he needs to forgive her, but she doesn't get to decide that for him and *you* certainly don't either. 2 months is nothing, she betrayed him for years.

I don't get where you get off blaming the victim and making excuses for the wife. In what world is it sane to blame the victim? Cheating is NOT an action that can be justified by any sane person. Grow a pair and get a divorce if your marriage is so "bad" and "unloving," don't cheat.

ETA: Ah, I see. You are a cheater yourself. Not surprised. You are a terrible person.


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

So she should suck it up, living in the blames meantime being a slu*t in bed without asking her H to show love?

You want her to have a sexual life like that. I don't see why she should.
Well, she should not be requested to fk like a godness when he is giving all the blames. She is not a fk machine.

She should feel loved & comfortable in bed.. That's how a wife wanted to be treated with basic respect when she is naked.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

kittykat09 said:


> Ah, I see. You are a cheater yourself. Not surprised. You are a terrible person.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

And she also poses as a betrayed wife whose cheating husband gave her free passes to cheat as atonement for his cheating.


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

Kitty, make sure you suck it up when your H refuses to give you the love you need in bed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

Yes. I told my H that i wanted fk my OM pretty hard to serve him right.

If he is unhappy with my EA, he can divorce me. I made myself very clear.

Glad that he didn't make all these noise like all of you here. He knows he didn't give his wife what she needed ,so now he is working on it. Sex is amazing & mind blowing with H again.

He gets it. 

When I want attention, he gives. When I want love, he gives.

I'm his priority.

That's how marriage worked out. That's why the outside man is no more attractive.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

morituri said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> And she also poses as a betrayed wife whose cheating husband gave her free passes to cheat as atonement for his cheating.


So what?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You are a not a betrayed wife, you are an unremorseful cheating wife - the worst kind.

Kitty is right, you are a terrible person who has no humanity inside her heart.


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

When a woman wanting to be fulfilled by her H but he isn't doing his work.

She has a right to cheat. 

He has a right to divorce her or give her what she needs.

There is no other way. There are tons of men want to fulfill her needs.

Why should she put up with him and allow him to make her sexual life miserable?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

abdo said:


> *Yes. I told my H that i wanted fk my OM pretty hard to serve him right.
> 
> If he is unhappy with my EA, he can divorce me. I made myself very clear.*
> 
> ...


*You're the classic definition of the unremorseful selfish cheater.* 

It's all about you, you, you. You have no morals, nor do you have any idea what marriage is about. It's about commitment to one person and forsaking all others, not wanting to f#ck someone else to hurt your spouse.

Hopefully your BH will wake up from his fog and see you for who you really are and kick you to the curb.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

abdo said:


> When a woman wanting to be fulfilled by her H but he isn't doing his work.
> 
> She has a right to cheat.
> 
> ...


:banhim:


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## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

You know, we could all fight about this, but it really is getting silly. There is plenty truth on BOTH SIDES. She needs to make it work if she wants it to work. He needs to not treat her like a s**t and a wh*re If he wants to punish her for her wrong, then he is wrong. If he feels she lacks remorse, he should have enough self-respect and leave. At any rate, who would want sex from a wife not ready to give sex if he truly and honestly loves her? (But there just might be more here than meets the eye. (More on this below). 

And please, don't go off half-c*cked telling me that she wasn't loving to him. Just don't. That's not only tautological, it's also asinine. Not when he hasn't (seemingly) been willing to face up to his end. (And every single one of us has ends). 

It is just as wrong to stay in a marriage that is a lie/farce as it is to cheat on one's spouse. I know this may seem a little futuristic, but people (especially women) are not property (crazy, right?!), and those vows are no more sacred than the bond between the two people reciting them. 

My ex watched porn for years before coming clean. I already knew there was an issue because he had nothing left for me (physically, sexually, and emotionally) when he came to bed at night. I am a very pretty woman. But at 27 years old, I was too young to know how to handle the reality of that situation. I had this amazing libido and a 27 year old husband that didn't want me. I was going crazy trying to figure out how to get him to notice me, not knowing that he wasn’t into me. HE WAS BREAKING OUR MARRIAGE VOWS. He didn't have to sleep with a stranger; he brought her/them into bed with him every time I gave him sex. 

At that point, our marriage was over. Although we remained together for another 8 years, it doesn't matter. Although I left him, it doesn't matter. He chose to quit on us. He didn't want to work it out. He didn't want to grow with me. He just wanted what he wanted when he wanted it. Sound familiar? 

Now, excuse me for being a little inflamed when I say that the way the author of this thread began was more than a little jacked up! Who begins a thread with cursing and a comparative of the way one’s adored wife "fu&$ed" OM and not him. If he is thinking about her with the OM, how can he even get it up?! Am I the only one seeing this? It's sick and twisted! 

And then there was no self-discovery by the author of this thread--absolutely no introspection, all he wants to do is make sure she pays. Well, more power to him, I suppose! 

Finally, just a supposition. . . but maybe he hopes to make his wife miserable so she will leave him, because he doesn't have the guts to admit he doesn't want their marriage anymore either (but he doesn't want to seem/come out like a "bad" guy, ya see). 

Yeah, my ex was like that.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You have no business being married. Your husband would be better off divorcing you and finding himself a woman who will truly love him and be faithful to him.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

slater said:


> We are 2 months into R. She is doing just about everything I ask, and MC is helping. She seems to be taking full responsibility. The OM no longer works with her and she is maintaining NC.
> 
> One issue though. She is having sex with me regularly but it seems uninspired. She thinks I should be happy to be getting it regularly. I want her to be passionate, and do for me all the things she did for him. I know she opened up somewhat with OM.
> 
> ...


This thread ought to be good reading for you.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/35927-she-he-did-things-him-her.html


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

ScarlettGrace said:


> You know, we could all fight about this, but it really is getting silly. There is plenty truth on BOTH SIDES. She needs to make it work if she wants it to work. He needs to not treat her like a s**t and a wh*re If he wants to punish her for her wrong, then he is wrong. If he feels she lacks remorse, he should have enough self-respect and leave. At any rate, who would want sex from a wife not ready to give sex if he truly and honestly loves her? (But there just might be more here than meets the eye. (More on this below).
> 
> And please, don't go off half-c*cked telling me that she wasn't loving to him. Just don't. That's not only tautological, it's also asinine. Not when he hasn't (seemingly) been willing to face up to his end. (And every single one of us has ends).
> 
> ...


Agreed!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

morituri said:


> You have no business being married. Your husband would be better off divorcing you and finding himself a woman who will truly love him and be faithful to him.


:iagree:

He deserves better than her.


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## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

I have given my different views and comments for this thread, looking from the cheating wife's point of views.

My views are not given to loyal wives whose husbands cheated.

For loyal wives dealing with cheating husbands. I have very different opinion.

As I'm a new member, I don't know everyone's story.

I need to clarify this. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> You know, we could all fight about this, but it really is getting silly. There is plenty truth on BOTH SIDES. She needs to make it work if she wants it to work. He needs to not treat her like a s**t and a wh*re If he wants to punish her for her wrong, then he is wrong. If he feels she lacks remorse, he should have enough self-respect and leave. At any rate, who would want sex from a wife not ready to give sex if he truly and honestly loves her? (But there just might be more here than meets the eye. (More on this below).


On this I agree 100%



> And please, don't go off half-c*cked telling me that she wasn't loving to him. Just don't. That's not only tautological, it's also asinine. Not when he hasn't (seemingly) been willing to face up to his end. (And every single one of us has ends).


Oh you bet I will call you out on this. A loving wife does not carry on an affair for 3 years while her husband is trying to figure out what is happening and is going to MC with her. She only became "loving" after her affair had been discovered and she realized that he was going to leave her.

Lastly the idea that when a wife cheats on her husband it is because he was not meeting her emotional needs but when it is the husband who cheated on his wife it was because he was a sc*mbag is a justification for female infidelity.The truth is that when a wife cheats on her husband it is because she doesn't have the guts to end the marriage and is waiting for another man to come along before she jumps ship. How noble.


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## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

Hi Slater,

We've been all chatting a lot about your situation. I guess I take particular offense to you. Below is why:

"She says mentally she is not there b/c I am not showing her love, she is doing most of the work. I think she should want to do all those things and more to keep me. I feel my being here still after the 3 yr affair is showing her plenty of love.

What do you all think? Is she still connected to him? She says it had been "over" for awhile and she has no feelings for OM. I am not so sure."

You say she is doing a lot of working on the relationship. She also says she is doing a lot of working on the relaitonship. Honesty in agreement. Then, you say that she (who is being HONEST WITH YOU) says that she can't get excited about you because you aren't showing her love. You don't disagree with her point (again, honesty in agreement), but instead say she should be GRATEFUL that she even has you, because you haven't walked out on her. 

Dude, you got to get your head on straight here. First of all, I am assuming she must be pretty amazing if you're sticking with her despite her affair. And if she has decided to make a go of it with you, you've got to trust that (if only a little). But ABOVE ALL ELSE YOU MUST SHOW HER LOVE. I haven't met a woman yet that didn't need a lot of affection and tenderness. From this tenderness, grows the fire that lights the libido. (Hey, I didn't make the rules, it is just how we girlies work). You can't be impatient (did you marry her for sex or because you love her?), and you must be consistent. 

Otherwise, poo or get off the pot. If you don't want to give your wife the love she needs, than you are just as guilty as she (perhaps more).


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

abdo said:


> I have given my different views and comments for this thread, looking from the cheating wife's point of views.
> 
> My views are not given to loyal wives whose husbands cheated.
> 
> For loyal wives dealing with cheating husbands. I have very different opinion.



Yes a female entitlement double standard for sure.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

:iagree:

When men cheat its because they're disgusting scumbags. When women cheat, its because they have this imagined right to do so, and some other women are high fiving them.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> Otherwise, poo or get off the pot. If you don't want to give your wife the love she needs, than you are just as guilty as she (perhaps more).


Yes, she needs to be rewarded with more love because she was banging another man for 3 years.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> :iagree:
> 
> When men cheat its because they're disgusting scumbags. When women cheat, its because they have this imagined right to do so, and some other women are high fiving them.


Oh and you will certainly won't see their names popping up in any of the betrayed wives threads saying the same thing. You can bet on it.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

morituri said:


> Oh and you will certainly won't see their names popping up in any of the betrayed wives threads saying the same thing. You can bet on it.


:iagree:

Of course not. They certainly won't be telling the betrayed wives their men cheated on them because they weren't giving their hubbies the love and sex that they deserve.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)




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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I would be fun though to sit and watch the fireworks go off if they had the guts to actually try doing so to one of the betrayed wives.


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## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

morituri said:


> On this I agree 100%
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Aren't you the clever one, Moritori? You made words come out of me that I didn't say! How do you do that? 

I NEVER SAID, INSINUATED, OR ELUDED to the double-standard of adultery. I think (generally) adultery happens (whether male or female) and both sides/partners are often to blame. 

Adultery is WRONG. However, NEGLECT is wrong too. And although slater doesn't mind telling the world that his wife is just not into sex with him, and not fullfilling his needs, he also admits he is not at all fulfilling hers. That's wonderful. Just beautiful.

You people who have been cheated on are guilty of the same hubris that you accuse adulterers of. . .you call yourself guiltless. It SIMPLY ISN'T TRUE. AND NO GROWTH CAN COME FROM SUCH A POSITION. That's all I am trying to say here. If he wants to actually move forward with his wife, he has to come to terms with his selfishness (which was apparent to everyone who read his original post). 

Btw, I didn't say that Slater's wife was loving, he did. He just doesn't believe she is giving him good enough sex. Some people wouldn't call those two things related at all. Hmmm.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

abdo said:


> Kitty, make sure you suck it up when your H refuses to give you the love you need in bed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lol You're so pathetic.

I would have the balls to leave if the relationship was terrible. I wouldn't cheat. 

Also, my only sexual problem is that for the last 7 years, my fiance pouts if I don't let him bring me to orgasm.

I have it so rough, I don't get enough love.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> he also admits he is not at all fulfilling hers. That's wonderful. Just beautiful.


Yeah, maybe because he just found out 2 months ago that his WW has been riding another man's **** for the last 3 years. He must be a horrible husband for not showering his cheating wife with love for that. 



ScarlettGrace said:


> You people who have been cheated on are guilty of the same hubris that you accuse adulterers of. . .you call yourself guiltless.


You wouldn't know that since you've never been a BS, have you? It doesn't even come close to what a WS has done to their BS. And name one person here who has ever called themselves guiltless? 

Both parties are 50% guilty for the state of the marriage prior to the affair. The cheater bears 100% of the responsibility for the cheating.



ScarlettGrace said:


> That's all I am trying to say here. If he wants to actually move forward with his wife, he has to come to terms with his selfishness (which was apparent to everyone who read his original post).


Selfishness? So now slater is selfish?










:rofl:


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

abdo said:


> When a woman wanting to be fulfilled by her H but he isn't doing his work.
> 
> She has a right to cheat.
> 
> ...


You don't have some God-given right to cheat just because you are a "wronged" female. That is just sick. Take some responsibility for your actions. Either divorce him or "suck it up" as you so fondly like to put it. 

And no, there aren't tons of men who want to fulfill "her" needs. There are tons of men who want to use "her" stupidity to fulfill THEIR needs and they will dump "her" like the trash "she" is when he is done. 

*A man looking to fulfill a woman's needs is not looking to get involved with married women.* Also, I love how you never talk about fulfilling the man's needs. It is ALL ABOUT YOU. 

You are a narcissistic piece of trash. Have fun when you are old enough that no one wants you and you have no one to "fulfill your needs" because you were unable to have a real, honest-to-God loving, relationship based on reciprocity.


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Yes, she needs to be rewarded with more love because she was banging another man for 3 years. [/QUOT
> 
> I am not saying she is wrong, she is. But she STAYED. She could've left. She has the money, job, career, probably hotness). Nothing is holding her to Slater except her commitment to him. Now, that speaks to me of a woman who loves her man.
> 
> ...


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> You don't have some God-given right to cheat just because you are a "wronged" female. That is just sick. Take some responsibility for your actions. Either divorce him or "suck it up" as you so fondly like to put it.
> 
> And no, there aren't tons of men who want to fulfill "her" needs. There are tons of men who want to use "her" stupidity to fulfill THEIR needs and they will dump "her" like the trash "she" is when he is done.
> 
> ...


 Why the personal attacks puddy tat? Do you really think you are proving your point by calling her a piece of trash. If you don' have an argument worthy of discusion, just listen for a while. It isn't difficult.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> Aren't you the clever one, Moritori? You made words come out of me that I didn't say! How do you do that?
> 
> I NEVER SAID, INSINUATED, OR ELUDED to the double-standard of adultery. I think (generally) adultery happens (whether male or female) and both sides/partners are often to blame.


Really? How about the comment you made below



> You probably won't like what I have to say, but here is the thing. . .she (probably) cheated because you weren't enough for her (at least at the time the affair started)


What is a reasonable person to conclude with comment like the one you made above?



> Adultery is WRONG. However, NEGLECT is wrong too. And although slater doesn't mind telling the world that his wife is just not into sex with him, and not fullfilling his needs, he also admits he is not at all fulfilling hers. That's wonderful. Just beautiful.


I'm glad that you made your position clear but understand that the reasons that people cheat can vary and it isn't always because of unmet emotional needs which you assume that was the reason for slater's wife betraying him.



> You people who have been cheated on are guilty of the same hubris that you accuse adulterers of. . .you call yourself guiltless. It SIMPLY ISN'T TRUE. AND NO GROWTH CAN COME FROM SUCH A POSITION. That's all I am trying to say here. If he wants to actually move forward with his wife, he has to come to terms with his selfishness (which was apparent to everyone who read his original post).


If you've read any of the countless comments I have posted, you'd see that I have respect for the truly remorseful unfaithful spouses who have own 100% their choice to cheat and are moving heaven and earth to atone for their betrayal. If mrs slater is one of these folks, then I wish her the best. If that is not growth from someone who has had his heart ripped out by the one person he loved above all others then I don't know what is.



> Btw, I didn't say that Slater's wife was loving, he did. He just doesn't believe she is giving him good enough sex. Some people wouldn't call those two things related at all. Hmmm.



I bring to your attention the quote from you, ScarlettGrace



ScarlettGrace said:


> And please, don't go off half-c*cked telling me that she wasn't loving to him


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> I am not saying she is wrong, she is. But she STAYED. She could've left. She has the money, job, career, probably hotness). Nothing is holding her to Slater except her commitment to him. Now, that speaks to me of a woman who loves her man.


She should have left instead of banging another man for the past 3 years. Wow. You probably think she deserves some type of medal for staying, huh? 

She disrespected her husband and the marriage.



ScarlettGrace said:


> So, how do women who love their men get themselves into such predicaments? How do men who love their wives also find themselves in similar situations? Because the heart won't be denied. If you neglect the heart, it starves. Eventually, it will go find love elsewhere. Now, perhpas this wasn't his situation, but something about the way he initiated this thread tells me otherwise.



Wrong. The solution to this is not cheating. It's communication. She could have communicated with him and worked on the marriage, or simply left. Any option would have been better than cheating.

And you seem to believe the MYTH that cheated is caused by neglect. Nothing could be further than the truth. Some people are just selfish and want that ego boost from someone other than their spouse. 



ScarlettGrace said:


> Slater is wrong too. And if he will admit is and grow, they just might make it!


Yeah, he's wrong for not showering her with love because she's been baning another man in an LTA.


----------



## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

ScarlettGrace said:


> I am not saying she is wrong, she is. But she STAYED. She could've left. She has the money, job, career, probably hotness). Nothing is holding her to Slater except her commitment to him. Now, that speaks to me of a woman who loves her man.
> 
> So, how do women who love their men get themselves into such predicaments? How do men who love their wives also find themselves in similar situations? Because the heart won't be denied. If you neglect the heart, it starves. Eventually, it will go find love elsewhere. Now, perhpas this wasn't his situation, but something about the way he initiated this thread tells me otherwise.
> 
> Slater is wrong too. And if he will admit is and grow, they just might make it!


Staying with him doesn't mean she loves him. She could love him, it could be out of convenience. We don't know, you don't know.

As to the heart "finding love elsewhere"... It is never ok to cheat. I don't care how neglectful the man was, cheating was not an appropriate response. The man could have beaten her for all I care, and it would still have been wrong to cheat. If it was *so bad* that she feels justified to cheat, she should have gotten a freaking divorce. There is no justification for cheating. None. To try to justify cheating, cheaters try to victimize themselves into believing that it is ok instead of empowering themselves to actually *leave the situation.*

Why is that? Oh, because *the dang situation was never THAT bad to begin with.* 

Slater may be wrong for being a creeper regarding his current sexual demands, but it is probably part of his grief and not part of who he normally is. I could be waaaaay wrong. But then... wouldn't the wife have divorced him?


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Yeah, maybe because he just found out 2 months ago that his WW has been riding another man's **** for the last 3 years. He must be a horrible husband for not showering his cheating wife with love for that.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You're actually kind of cute with that newspaper and furrowed/stern brow. 

I suppose you missed my long post about my husband being into porn for YEARS. Yeah, I know all about betrayal. You really have no clue what you're talking about, bud. He left the state thousands of $$$ in arrearages. 

My argument has merit. But instead of seeing that, you side with him. My guess is that you did the same thing to your wayward wives that you suggest slater do to his...PAY PAY PAY!!!

I didn't have the heart to make my ex pay. I just wanted to be loved and I was tired of not getting love. So we divorced. He was an ass, and I still love him. I always will. I hope to god I never do him harm, because it would destroy me. 

But you're right, I don't understand anything at all. . .


----------



## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

ScarlettGrace said:


> Why the personal attacks puddy tat? Do you really think you are proving your point by calling her a piece of trash. If you don' have an argument worthy of discusion, just listen for a while. It isn't difficult.


Being condescending is definitely much nicer and not at all hypocritical.


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> Being condescending is definitely much nicer and not at all hypocritical.
> 
> [/QUOTe
> 
> You called a woman you don't know trash. What is wrong with you? Is that better?


----------



## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

ScarlettGrace said:


> You called a woman you don't know trash. What is wrong with you? Is that better?


Yes, actually. At least it isn't passive-aggressive. 

I called a woman who is a pro-cheating apologist trash because everything she has spewed is trash. If she doesn't want to be called trash, she shouldn't act like it.

Edit: Ew, quotes did something ugly. Fixed hopefully.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> You're actually kind of cute with that newspaper and furrowed/stern brow.


Yeah, that's me alright. 




ScarlettGrace said:


> I suppose you missed my long post about my husband being into porn for YEARS. Yeah, I know all about betrayal. You really have no clue what you're talking about, bud. He left the state thousands of $$$ in arrearages.


Oh, the porn thing. Seriously? So what would you do if he really had been banging a real OW? Please, it's not even in the same ballpark as what REAL BSs suffer.



ScarlettGrace said:


> My argument has merit. But instead of seeing that, you side with him. My guess is that you did the same thing to your wayward wives that you suggest slater do to his...PAY PAY PAY!!!


Look in the mirror. You don't see the merit of the arguments ALL the other BSs on the site make, but you side with the cheater who was servicing another man for 3 years, all the while spitting on her vows.

And it's not about making someone pay. See? You don't understand at all. The cheater betrayed the trust of the marriage, so they have to do the heavy lifting for their BS who is in agony. What about that do you not understand?



ScarlettGrace said:


> I didn't have the heart to make my ex pay. I just wanted to be loved and I was tired of not getting love. So we divorced. He was an ass, and I still love him. I always will. I hope to god I never do him harm, because it would destroy me.


So you did the right thing, yet you support people who cheat? 



ScarlettGrace said:


> But you're right, I don't understand anything at all. . .


You finally got something right.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

kittykat09 said:


> Yes, actually. At least it isn't passive-aggressive.
> 
> I called a woman who is a pro-cheating apologist trash because everything she has spewed is trash. If she doesn't want to be called trash, she shouldn't act like it.
> 
> Edit: Ew, quotes did something ugly. Fixed hopefully.


:iagree:


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

[
Yes, actually. At least it isn't passive-aggressive. 

I called a woman who is a pro-cheating apologist trash because everything she has spewed is trash. If she doesn't want to be called trash, she shouldn't act like it.[/QUOTE]

She isn't pro-cheating. She has a language barrier issue. Her debate isn't much different than mine. All she is saying is that a woman's needs are important. Also, she says that some men don't pay attention (neglect) and lose their wives. She absolutely right. 

What issue do you have with her? 

I get it that you're angry, and that you've experienced pain regarding this. Perhaps your situation wasn't typical. Perhaps your guy is the biggest scum bag on the earth and all he wants is his puddy from all the tats in the animal kingdom. But, if this were the case, who would try to win back such a dog? 

The fact that most of you are "working it out" with your SOs mean that you see redeeming value in them and your relationship. If this is the case, why can't you see that cheating is merely a symptom, it is not the cancer.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> Perhaps your guy is the biggest scum bag on the earth and all he wants is his puddy from all the tats in the animal kingdom. But, if this were the case, who would try to win back such a dog?


You called a man you don't know a dog. What is wrong with you? Is that better? 

Double standards at work.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> Why the personal attacks puddy tat? Do you really think you are proving your point by calling her a piece of trash. If you don' have an argument worthy of discusion, just listen for a while. It isn't difficult.


What would you think if I went to a rape forum and told the women there, who had been raped, that if only they had been kinder and more understanding to their rapist that they wouldn't have gotten raped in the first place? Do you think that would go well? And before you go high and mighty on me that comparing infidelity to rape is ludicrous, you should read the following:



Dr Willard Harley said:


> _Those I've counseled who had the tragic misfortune of having experienced rape, physical abuse, sexual abuse of their children, and infidelity have consistently reported to me that their spouse's unfaithfulness was their very worst experience._


and from a rape survivor *Susan*



> _"I’m glad your reading about PTSD as a rape survivor I can honestly say that my husband betrayal has been more painful and traumatic than the rape. That guy was just a sick a**hole and wasn’t personally attacking me. As strange as that sounds it is my truth. I also have felt worse about his affair than the loss of my Mother in some ways. My Mom didn’t betray me and I miss her dearly and really need her right now but I know she is with God and my Dad and at peace. Those beliefs help me through the really sad times missing her. I long for peace for all of us."_


So what is the point in this? Simple in that until you experience firsthand the devastation of marital infidelity, you have no idea how traumatizing the experience truly is.


----------



## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

ScarlettGrace said:


> She isn't pro-cheating. She has a language barrier issue. Her debate isn't much different than mine. All she is saying is that a woman's needs are important. Also, she says that some men don't pay attention (neglect) and lose their wives. She absolutely right.
> 
> What issue do you have with her?
> 
> ...


I don't agree with your position, either. Just because your needs are not met in a relationship doesn't mean cheating is justified. Adults in adult relationships communicate with each other, and if their needs are STILL not met, they divorce. They don't cheat.

You seem to assume that since she has not run off with the other man, she loves her husband. I cynically state that the OM might never have wanted to be in an actual committed, supporting relationship with her and she knew it... and afraid of the alternative, she stayed with a husband she does not love.

Cheating is not a symptom of anything specific in a relationship. It is a symptom of being a person capable of incredibly terrible and hurtful things. 

The thing is, you and abdo want to have the relationship as a whole taken into account when viewing cheating. The argument seems to center around the blame being shared when someone cheats. The thing is... it isn't. The blame is entirely on the one person who chose not to be an adult. There might be issues in the relationship, but if you don't actively change them or leave, it is no one's fault but your own if you cheat. The dissolution of a relationship is certainly the cause of both parties; cheating is not.

That's like saying a woman who got raped is at fault. Sure, she was drunk, in ****ty clothes, walking alone... and all of those things made the risk higher... but some cad came along and took advantage of that situation and the fault is, ultimately, entirely his.


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Yeah, that's me alright.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


5. You're a heartless hound dog. My kids and I have suffered greatly because he just left and didn't come back. no support, no calls. I wish it were another woman. Honey, You ain't got nothing on me. Have a good night.


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## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> You called a man you don't know a dog. What is wrong with you? Is that better?
> 
> Double standards at work.


Well, Mr. Smarty Pants! 

Ya got me there! I called a hypothetical man a dog! That is definitely the very same thing! Good call!


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> lordmayhem said:
> 
> 
> > Yes, she needs to be rewarded with more love because she was banging another man for 3 years. [/QUOT
> ...


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> I wish it were another woman


Maybe it was but you just don't know it or maybe have chosen to ignore it. It's possible considering that many affairs are not found out and some are found out years after they ended. And the money he was making while still married to you, he may have been spending it on the OW.


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> I don't agree with your position, either. Just because your needs are not met in a relationship doesn't mean cheating is justified. Adults in adult relationships communicate with each other, and if their needs are STILL not met, they divorce. They don't cheat.
> 
> You seem to assume that since she has not run off with the other man, she loves her husband. I cynically state that the OM might never have wanted to be in an actual committed, supporting relationship with her and she knew it... and afraid of the alternative, she stayed with a husband she does not love.
> 
> ...


Very nice! I think you made a very good argument that is worthy of discussion. You listened, and you're not calling me names, so I thank you for that.

Actually, I agree with you 100%. I just don't think cheating is any different than any other sin. 

Regarding slaters wife who stayed, perhaps you're right...perhaps she doesn't love him. But he says she is trying. Right?

I don't mean to hammer it home guys, but come on!!! 

If he doesn't want to "love" his wife right now, as one of your friends suggests, that is totally understandable. However, why would he want to have sex with her then?


----------



## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Oh, the porn thing. Seriously? So what would you do if he really had been banging a real OW? Please, it's not even in the same ballpark as what REAL BSs suffer.


In all fairness, having experienced both a porn addiction and cheating from the same guy... the porn issue *did* hurt a lot, especially as it is an issue that a lot of people dismiss because they like their porn. If you are a SO of a porn addict you bear the brunt of a lot of stigma (if you have a problem with porn you obviously have a stick up your bum, you're sexually repressed, you're crazy, etc) as well as self-esteem issues.

The cheating hurt a lot more, for sure... but people are also more supportive of someone who was cheated on physically than of someone whose SO "just" replaced them with pornography.

To summarize: Both situations suck and hurt. Getting cheated on hurts way more and in a different way, but I would hope that BSs would have some empathy for the type of situation scarlett went through.

Unless she wanted to/was tempted to cheat though, I don't understand how she could be on the WSs side of the argument though.  Maybe it is because of the sexual nature of the OP?


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Guys I am suspecting a troll attack


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> ScarlettGrace said:
> 
> 
> > Or pathological co-dependency or guilt or religion or family or pure idiocy.
> ...


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Guys I am suspecting a troll attack


. 

Fine. You don't want me here. I will go. Goodnight.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> warlock07 said:
> 
> 
> > But she is working on it! Slater says so. YOu have already crucified her and you haven't met her. Slater says she is trying hard. What else would you have her do? Just curious.
> ...


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

ScarlettGrace said:


> .
> 
> Fine. You don't want me here. I will go. Goodnight.


I meant abdo


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

morituri said:


> What would you think if I went to a rape forum and told the women there, who had been raped, that if only they had been kinder and more understanding to their rapist that they wouldn't have gotten raped in the first place? Do you think that would go well? And before you go high and mighty on me that comparing infidelity to rape is ludicrous, you should read the following:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Look, I am not going to argue that you went through trauma, but you can't be seriously comparing cheating to rape. I am not saying the poster's point isn't valid, but it is only anecdotal and not even in the same ball park.

I guess I am here because I am hurting too. My ex is now in CO living with his new GF and ready made family (she has two children who call him daddy that are my kiddos ages and genders). His whole family turned on me in the divorce. His mother helped him steal our house and now he lives with her (long story I won't bore you with). He was a workaholic who never came home because he didn't want to deal with my Post-partum depression. He never listened to me. He thought of me as nnothing more than a child/mommy whom he got to shuck. It is not the cheating that wounds. It is the betrayal of someone who is supposed to love you more than anything/anyone in the wold. The betrayal can be quick and profound or it can take years to build. But the hurt is the same.


----------



## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Yes, she needs to be rewarded with more love because she was banging another man for 3 years.


I like that!

Although I didn't get a bang from the other man but I'm being rewarded with more love.

And you know what?... it feels so good to be loved and fulfilled by my H.

And it feels so right that I'm now my husband's priority!

My husband makes sure I first, I want , I everything!! Fantastic! I ended my EA.

We fk more and I get more oral sex from him. It's just damn good. I'm so happy for his change & his love !
This is the happy marriage I'm talking about.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

abdo said:


> I like that!
> 
> Although I didn't get a bang from the other man but I'm being rewarded with more love.
> 
> ...


The f*ck did I just read?

It almost looks like a cheating wife is bragging her cheating husband "loves" her. 

This world, I swear.


----------



## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> The f*ck did I just read?
> 
> It almost looks like a cheating wife is bragging her cheating husband "loves" her.
> 
> This world, I swear.


I said that my H worked on my fulfillments, and I made a choice to end my EA.



_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> In all fairness, having experienced both a porn addiction and cheating from the same guy... the porn issue *did* hurt a lot, especially as it is an issue that a lot of people dismiss because they like their porn. If you are a SO of a porn addict you bear the brunt of a lot of stigma (if you have a problem with porn you obviously have a stick up your bum, you're sexually repressed, you're crazy, etc) as well as self-esteem issues.
> 
> The cheating hurt a lot more, for sure... but people are also more supportive of someone who was cheated on physically than of someone whose SO "just" replaced them with pornography.
> 
> ...


I am not on the woman's side. I am just saying it all hurts. All of it. My pain, your pain, his pain, her pain. In life, we go through some serious pain. 

My issue is that he is complaining mainly about the fact that she is not giving him sex like he'd like it. I just found the whole thing incomprehensible. 1) I don't know why he'd want to have sex with her if he didn't want to show her or think/feel she deserved love. 2) She is working hard on their relationship. When the BM says that, can't you take it to heart that it is true? At least, should we doubt it? 3) She gave him clear (and simple and sweet) guidelines to Just be more loving to her. What can it hurt? But instead of talking about whether or not he feels he can be loving to her right now (which would be understandable), he talks to us about the way she has sex with him. I think it's shallow and hints of selfishness on his part. (Please note: I am not saying she wasn't selfish). 4) Three years is a long time for an affair, and I know this isn't fair, and perhaps I just don't understand, but how could he not have noticed? Was he being distracted with something else? Not trying to blame the victim, but a victim becomes a survivor when s/he owns up to their end of the deal. The woman walking half-naked down a street at night in an unsafe neighborhood does not deserve to be raped. However, when she acknowledges her part (which was stupidity/ignorance only), she learns and can move on. Whereas, if she didn't learn, she would remain stuck there indefinitely. My dad abused me as a child and adult. When I acknoledged as an adult that I don't have to have a relationship with him, I became a survivor. 5) I know it is difficult to understand, because our societal standards, but I don't think cheating is any more reprehensible than any of the other awful things we do to one another. Here is an example: My husband hits me and I cheat on him. Who is the wrong doer? Who is more guilty? If you say the man, what if the roles were reversed? What then?


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

kittykat09 said:


> The f*ck did I just read?
> 
> It almost looks like a cheating wife is bragging her cheating husband "loves" her.
> 
> This world, I swear.


Okay, I acknowledge your point. That is just a little more than crazy. 

Well, I gotta grade some papers. I was having an awful and sleepless night. Thanks for the debate/chat. I mean no harm. Actually, I care a great deal, probably more than I ought sometimes. 

Have a good evening. Morning?


----------



## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

slater said:


> sex with her at this point is not a trigger. Thanks for all of the insight from everyone. I think I have been trying to punish her. I will make an effort to show her more that I lover her and see how that affects her. I do not have a key logger- her computer is a work computer so I cannot do that. With her new job, she will be getting a new phone, a personal phone so I will add a tracker to that when she gets the phone.


Hey! I just noticed you were being good & reasonable.

Now I see why your wife stays with you!

Keep it up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

Yes I had a EA but H loves me. He did nothing to push me & he actually blamed himself.

Jealous?

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

abdo said:


> Yes I had a EA but H loves me. He did nothing to push me & he actually blamed himself.
> 
> Jealous?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You get off to drama , don't you?


----------



## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

I get this certain glee that you have cheated and your H has to beg you to stay.

Tell us how it worked in a couple of years.


----------



## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

Wrong guess, snap.

He said he is better than my OM and he proved it to me.

He didn't have to beg me at all...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Just read your post again. He begged.


----------



## ScarlettGrace (Mar 27, 2012)

One last thing, for Slater. I read through all your other posts, and regretted not doing so earlier. You seem like a good guy. One post can be taken out of context, and I definitely took your initial post out of context (FFR, you might not say "F#cking" in your title with regards to your wife). At anyrate, I wish you the best of luck working things out. Take care of those babies!


----------



## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

snap said:


> Just read your post again. He begged.


Yeah, H asked me to sacrifice because we had great sex last night but he would love to have sex with me tonight, too!
I said, " ok I sacrifice!" with a big smile on my face.

Is that counted that he was begging for sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

When he blamed on himself for my EA, I had a big smile, too!

Was it counted that he begged me to stay with him ?

Ok! If you insist, I let you win. Yes,he begged!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## abdo (Mar 26, 2012)

Alright, Slater, beg your wife for giving you her loving juice.

It might work! Make sure you give her a big O while sitting on your face.
I think she'll go crazy for you...( I don't know what she likes. Just an idea...)

Give her the passionate love and chemistry she needs in bed.

Find and press her right buttons. Sex will be hot again.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Of course I win, and I don't need your permission. Because I'm right and you are wrong. Sometimes it's just as simple as that.


----------



## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

abdo said:


> Alright, Slater, beg your wife for giving you her loving juice.
> 
> It might work! Make sure you give her a big O while sitting on your face.
> I think she'll go crazy for you...( I don't know what she likes. Just an idea...)
> ...


:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

There aren't words.


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