# What to do??



## Loveofmylife921 (Jun 28, 2015)

My ex and I are doing well. After over a year of being a part and divorced, we have tried the dating scene and it hasn't work for either of us. We have found are way back to each other, and see each other and go out and even have sex. But she doesn't seem as commited as I am. I would do and will do anything for her. She knows that. She has asked me to do more then any ex husband would do for their ex. I do them because I love her and want to be with her. But sometimes I get the feeling she loves me and wants me back and sometimes I feel like she might be using me. Is their a way to find out? I do love her more then anything but I don't want to be used either. I just hate this feeling. Helpful advice would be appreciated. Thanks


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You are probably being TOO nice - as in nice guy syndrome. If so, she's not going to respect you unless you set some boundaries. She is using you - but probably not consciously or intentionally. You just make it easy for her to do so. You need to learn to say no when it isn't something you want to/should do. Sometimes you should say no anyway, and go do your own thing with friends, just to establish that you can and will. That will create boundaries and some respect for you as a person with his own needs and goals.

You might want to search for the free download of the book 'No More Mister Nice Guy' often recommended on this site, usually referred to as NMMNG.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

I agree, my guess is you've gone down the "Mr. Nice Guy" road. Read the book recommended above for starters. From there... my first thought is that you should just let her know that you are looking for a commitment of some kind, from someone. Basically saying that while you do love her, enjoy being with her, want to make her happy, etc., you need a commitment or else you need to remain open to dating other women. It doesn't mean you need her to agree to re-marry you or anything (I assume), but just a commitment that you are indeed exclusive and perhaps on a track towards re-evaluating the marriage element.

I think the prospect of you seeing/dating other women would be a perfect litmus test for whether or not she is willing to risk losing you or not, whether or not she really loves you too.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Say no one for five and she will figure it out on her own or five you a ration of chit and you will no. 

Ask her for some things that are an equivalent to what she asks of you and see if she blows them all off or has some other form of disdain for you asking

These ought to shed some more light on her perspective


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## Shinobi (Jan 24, 2012)

Loveofmylife921 said:


> I would do and will do anything for her. She knows that. She has asked me to do more then any ex husband would do for their ex. I do them because I love her and want to be with her.





Loveofmylife921 said:


> sometimes I feel like she might be using me. Is their a way to find out?


Two quotes taken from your post, and I know you are asking for advice, but I'm afraid I am not giving it, but answering your question as put in the second quote, is there a way to find out.

The simple answer is yes, now read the first quote from you and try to be an outsider, what does it say?

She has you where she wants, she KNOWS you will do anything for her, she KNOWS to the point of asking of you to do more than any other ex would, and she KNOWS that you will do it whether she puts into this relationship or not, so can come into it or out of it as she sees fit, to me that is using you.

I am sorry that is blunt, but take a look at where you are at, the other guys on here are right too much Mr Nice Guy. Go read the book and look some more and than take action, either make this a two way thing or get out, those are the options to stop you questioning if you are being used or not.


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