# Sex or no sex - Using the 180



## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

What are peoples thoughts when you are offered sex when doing the 180?

My cheating wife, has been more interested in me recently but I am working on the 180!

I really don't know what to do!!!! Sounds stupid I guess


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I wouldn't, especially in your situation.

I'm no expert on the 180 but I believe this goes against it's tenets.

Anyway The LAST thing you need is a pregnant wayward wife.


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## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I wouldn't, especially in your situation.
> 
> I'm no expert on the 180 but I believe this goes against it's tenets.
> 
> Anyway The LAST thing you need is a pregnant wayward wife.


lol.... I never thought of that part!!! 
The thing is we get on for a while and then she tries to kick me... really hard situation


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You also don't want to catch a std from your wife. Pass on it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I would vote "no" as well. And I'd just tell her that until the both of you work through this more you find the thought of touching her repulsive.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

The purpose of the 180 is to help you detach from your partner; and often enough, a side benefit is to give them a wake up call - helping them understand that they may loose their spouse for cheating on them.

Having sex during the 180 is not detachment. It also can give the WS the notion that they can use sex to influence your decision making. 

I would strongly suggest that you do the 180 100%, or not at all.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

I had sex with my ex during my 180. Thought I could handle it.

I thought I could just have crazy, wild, throw her against the wall, pull her hair and slap her azz, emotionless sex with her...she loved it, thought it was extra hot, and really got off on it...she would start thinking everything was going to be fine again simply because we had sex. 

It backfired on me...it would bring back all kinds of feelings I was trying to "180" from. It didn't change anything, it just clouded my head with feelings, because I still loved her and wished it would work.

It just set me back to square one. I would avoid it if you can. Beat-off and work-out instead.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I wouldn't, especially in your situation.
> 
> I'm no expert on the 180 but I believe this goes against it's tenets.
> 
> Anyway The LAST thing you need is a pregnant wayward wife.


Good point Philly
what about anal sex? you can't get pregnant with that

still goes against the 180 though


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I understand how difficult it can be for a male BS to resist the sex. Very often they haven't been getting a lot of it in the previous months. Add to that the desire to reclaim your territory - the hysterical bonding temptation. It's hard. At least until the anger finally takes over.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

The cheating spouses will use sex to keep their spouse on the hook and engaged. 

Especially since she's been with other men. You want her second hand goods?

It's all about cake eating.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

manindespair said:


> The thing is we get on for a while and then she tries to kick me... really hard situation


Typical. Women like a challenge. When you don't "get it on for while" you are a challenge and it sparks her interest. Once she has you again eating out of her hand, she loses interest. I assure you, this behavior will be perennial. You need to ditch this roller coaster and let her jerk someone else around or you're going to keep being manindespair.
Oh, if you want to have sex during the "180" I don't see anything inherently wrong with that; just don't have it with her.


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## Cabsy (Mar 25, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Anyway The LAST thing you need is a pregnant wayward wife.





badmemory said:


> I understand how difficult it can be for a male BS to resist the sex. Very often they haven't been getting a lot of it in the previous months. Add to that the desire to reclaim your territory - the hysterical bonding temptation. It's hard. At least until the anger finally takes over.


This is how I became a father...


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Cabsy are you still with her? How did it all turn out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cabsy (Mar 25, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Cabsy are you still with her? How did it all turn out
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Still with her, in MC, kid is wonderful. Pregnancy stalled our R but she's trying harder than ever to prove she's worth keeping around.

It's hard for me to regret anything that led to my son being born, but I would freely advise others not to further entangle themselves as I have.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Cabsy said:


> Still with her, in MC, kid is wonderful. Pregnancy stalled our R but she's trying harder than ever to prove she's worth keeping around.
> 
> It's hard for me to regret anything that led to my son being born, but I would freely advise others not to further entangle themselves as I have.


Good luck to all of you.

I always reflect, no matter all the twists and turns in my life over the past 10-15 years, it was all worth it since I wouldn't have these two awesome kids.

They can be a pain in the a$$ too, but I wouldn't trade em in.


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## timedoesnothealall (Sep 15, 2013)

You wrote my history in a nutshell. You're also very good with puns!

(It's hard) Your words, not mine


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## Just Joe (May 26, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> Typical. Women like a challenge. When you don't "get it on for while" you are a challenge and it sparks her interest. Once she has you again eating out of her hand, she loses interest. I assure you, this behavior will be perennial. You need to ditch this roller coaster and let her jerk someone else around or you're going to keep being manindespair.
> Oh, if you want to have sex during the "180" I don't see anything inherently wrong with that; just don't have it with her.


yes. Push-pull. She doesn't want you, but she likes you wanting/needing her. When she feels that slipping away, she has a strong inner desire to reel you back in. Hotness and sex has always been what she's held over you, she seems like a sh1tty person otherwise.

Don't give her the satisfaction.

Plus, a couple nights ago you couldn't even keep from calling her from a bar, and that's when she was being absolutely miserable to you. Your call disgusted her. You really think you can handle it and remain aloof if you let her turn her charms on you?

Out of the two of you, I think she has the advantage in being able to control her emotions.


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## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

badmemory said:


> The purpose of the 180 is to help you detach from your partner; and often enough, a side benefit is to give them a wake up call - helping them understand that they may loose their spouse for cheating on them.
> 
> Having sex during the 180 is not detachment. It also can give the WS the notion that they can use sex to influence your decision making.
> 
> I would strongly suggest that you do the 180 100%, or not at all.



Now this makes sense. 

With regards to other comments I don't think I will get an std from her but it is something to think about.

I don't need to tell her she 'repulses' me as the 180 is helping me not care as much. Or more correct not show I care as much


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## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

tulsy said:


> I had sex with my ex during my 180. Thought I could handle it.
> 
> I thought I could just have crazy, wild, throw her against the wall, pull her hair and slap her azz, emotionless sex with her...she loved it, thought it was extra hot, and really got off on it...she would start thinking everything was going to be fine again simply because we had sex.
> 
> ...




Quality.... this is what I want to understand! I am kind of the same with the total aggressive wild sex but although I don't think all is ok, I wonder if it is her tool to control the situation again.

How did things end up / how are they going with your other half? did you R?


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## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Good luck to all of you.
> 
> I always reflect, no matter all the twists and turns in my life over the past 10-15 years, it was all worth it since I wouldn't have these two awesome kids.
> 
> They can be a pain in the a$$ too, but I wouldn't trade em in.


I love my 3 so much which is the main reason I think R is best. Don't think mine would want any more, 3 is enough for her and she freely admits she is too selfish!!!!!


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## manindespair (Jun 20, 2014)

Just Joe said:


> yes. Push-pull. She doesn't want you, but she likes you wanting/needing her. When she feels that slipping away, she has a strong inner desire to reel you back in. Hotness and sex has always been what she's held over you, she seems like a sh1tty person otherwise.
> 
> Don't give her the satisfaction.
> 
> ...


'F' me.... you know me already mate!!!! It is so difficult not to want R. I sat round her brothers yesterday (helped him move a hot tub) and we had a beer. He says she is a selfish cow and the truth is he can't believe what she is doing! 

Over the last couple of days she has been slightly better, since I told her that if D happens then so be it, and that I understand that I gave up all my hobbies etc to look after her and the family. I told her that by making them "my all" must be smothering and I don't want that anymore. I bought a motorbike, I am out most nights (gym, tennis, on the bike, out for a drink etc).

Just Joe, you are right but the up's and downs (the roller coaster as we put it) is hard f'ing work!!!!!


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

No use should not and any MC will tell you that. You would need to bond again emtionally first before trying to bond physically.


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