# If you haven't reconciled yet, how long have you been separated?



## Tinkerbell24

My husband and I have been separated just over a year now. He has been in another country for 6 months and is meant to be back at the end of November. I am hoping we will reconcile. I left him after our DD was born 3 months early. I spoke to him the other day (first time in 3 months) and he said "not a day goes by that I don't think about you and DD) he also asked if he can take us out to lunch. So here's hoping we can work it out. My question is how long have you been apart for? I guess i'm worried because it's been quite awhile since I left him.


----------



## BeYou

If you left him, and he misses you...what's stopping the R if you want it?

I'm coming up on 2 months. Friendly with W and hang out sometimes, but no sign that this will end anytime soon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 36Separated

11weeks and going down the divorce route


----------



## sadwithouthim

Separated 21 months....i no longer see reconciliation as an option for me but have read many stories of R after 2 years separation.

If u both want it, it will happen. The key is both wanting to work things out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## daisy90

Its almost two months and he says he wants to work things out, but he doesn't want me home.


----------



## stillhoping

he moved out 19 months ago. I work hard everyday not to think R is the way out. I am trying very hard, although I often fail, to keep the 180. Its too hard. The worst part for me is that I never got to really have any in depth conversations with him about what went wrong. He walked away and that is all he wants. I am not even sure we could R they way things were left. I have learned a lot about myself and how easily I lose myself in relationships, always wanting to have the other person feeling loved and cared for. Anyway, I wouldn't say no to trying, just know it would take a lot of work from both of us


----------



## AMDavis

We have been separated for 5 months, and were completely on the road to divorce until a week ago... now he says he misses me, and he wants me back... I guess we shall see..


----------



## Solon

We have been living apart for 7 months (man, didn't realize it was that long) but literally seeing each other every day and spending the weekends together. About three week ago, she got tired of waiting for me to ask her to come back home and has decided to end the marriage (no talk of divorce though, just saying she feels like a door mat and the marriage is over....I guess I may be getting served soon). I tried to win her back but she does not want to hear anything from me AT ALL. Last night she blocked my phone number so I cannot text or call her any more.

So I guess, now is the real separation, as there is no way for me to talk to her and she is saying the marriage is over. I am 100% committed to saving the marriage. At this point, I am praying and fasting over the marriage and for intervention. I expect this to be a happy ending. I know what I was doing wrong and am anxious to show her the new husband who is at home waiting for her.


----------



## life.is.pain

Solon said:


> We have been living apart for 7 months (man, didn't realize it was that long) but literally seeing each other every day and spending the weekends together. About three week ago, she got tired of waiting for me to ask her to come back home and has decided to end the marriage (no talk of divorce though, just saying she feels like a door mat and the marriage is over....I guess I may be getting served soon). I tried to win her back but she does not want to hear anything from me AT ALL. Last night she blocked my phone number so I cannot text or call her any more.
> 
> So I guess, now is the real separation, as there is no way for me to talk to her and she is saying the marriage is over. I am 100% committed to saving the marriage. At this point, I am praying and fasting over the marriage and for intervention. I expect this to be a happy ending. I know what I was doing wrong and am anxious to show her the new husband who is at home waiting for her.


Don't give up even when the going gets tough. If there is no divorce talk then just try to stay positive and good luck.


----------



## arbitrator

Was put out on the street by STBXW some 17 months ago, basically to help facilitate her trysts with her two out-of-town BF's; and with her richly declaring that R is definitely not an option. The D could occur anywhere from the middle of this month to whenever God knows when. We're just waiting to hear from her lawyer about their next move.

And as my counsel has so aptly pointed out, "let's just see how bad that she really wants this divorce!"


----------



## TheLoveInside748

My H and i were separated for 2 1/2 years. We too had those ups and downs and talks with divorce lawyers and all that. Came pretty close about 6 months ago. BUT we are reconciled and we are working on our marriage. We were together 10 years before separation.. Good Luck to you and its true.. You dont get what you "wish" for, you get what you "work" for. That has been my motto for awhile now...


----------



## abandonmentissues

4 months and we don't talk to each other anymore. He seems happy with the choice he made, but he still wont actually pull the trigger and go file, which pisses me off.


----------



## Solon

abandonmentissues said:


> 4 months and we don't talk to each other anymore. He seems happy with the choice he made, but he still wont actually pull the trigger and go file, which pisses me off.


That must be difficult!!


----------



## abandonmentissues

Solon said:


> That must be difficult!!


He left me right before the birth of our first child that we planned.

So no, not really difficult. Just annoying.


----------



## Solon

abandonmentissues said:


> He left me right before the birth of our first child that we planned.
> 
> So no, not really difficult. Just annoying.


Oh my! He's out of his mind!!!! So he wasn't there to witness it?


----------



## abandonmentissues

Solon said:


> Oh my! He's out of his mind!!!! So he wasn't there to witness it?


He was, but he stayed in the corner...and he left the hospital a bunch and stayed in a separate room and watched TV the majority of the time. He held my hand once but apparently it was when I was asleep. The baby and I almost died. (I passed out due to blood loss.)


The hand holding at the hospital made no sense. He also tried to lead me on by saying he "didn't know" what he wanted and hugged me. Then two days later told me that we weren't good for each other and to stop harassing him.(Which I wasn't, I only talked to him when he came over to visit the baby, which isn't often)

And we haven't talked since.


----------



## Solon

abandonmentissues said:


> He was, but he stayed in the corner...and he left the hospital a bunch and stayed in a separate room and watched TV the majority of the time. He held my hand once but apparently it was when I was asleep. The baby and I almost died. (I passed out due to blood loss.)
> 
> 
> The hand holding at the hospital made no sense. He also tried to lead me on by saying he "didn't know" what he wanted and hugged me. Then two days later told me that we weren't good for each other and to stop harassing him.(Which I wasn't, I only talked to him when he came over to visit the baby, which isn't often)
> 
> And we haven't talked since.


He is so going to regret that he did that.


----------



## abandonmentissues

Solon said:


> He is so going to regret that he did that.


I don't know if he will ever regret anything...he seems very happy with his freedom and no contact from me. He comes to visit the baby 2 or 3 times a month... and the visits only last an hour.But he says nothing to me, and doesn't even look at me.

But I guess a part of me hopes that he will regret it someday.


----------



## Solon

abandonmentissues said:


> I don't know if he will ever regret anything...he seems very happy with his freedom and no contact from me. He comes to visit the baby 2 or 3 times a month... and the visits only last an hour.But he says nothing to me, and doesn't even look at me.
> 
> But I guess a part of me hopes that he will regret it someday.


He will. It's a baby. It's his baby.


----------



## Britishguy

a week and a half. She "doesn't love me anymore". Going to attempt the 180....


----------



## Dewayne76

about 2 months total. 1 month off and on with me leaving for my moms and coming back etc. 


About a month solid now of me being gone completely. I moved from the Haunt about a month ago, she moved out of the building about 2 weeks ago. 

I see no R in sight. She keeps saying "Maybe in the future and we'll have to go VERY slow" 

Still wants the D, but been paid over 3 weeks ago and no papers yet. We shall see. She said the other day it was "Up in the air" and that we'll "get the papers, sit down and decide to sign or cancel" 

Then when asked later. it was back to "Yes, I want the divorce" 

She's confused because of something. Not sure why but yeah, no R really.


----------



## Solon

My wife clocked out on Sept. 15. Refuses to talk to me or the kids at all. I, for the most part, have left her alone. She says she is moving forward with a divorce, though she has no grounds. I am holding out that God will change her heart. With God all things are possible.


----------



## arbitrator

arbitrator said:


> Was put out on the street by STBXW some 17 months ago, basically to help facilitate her trysts with her two out-of-town BF's; and with her richly declaring that R is definitely not an option. The D could occur anywhere from the middle of this month to whenever God knows when. We're just waiting to hear from her lawyer about their next move.
> 
> And as my counsel has so aptly pointed out, "let's just see how bad that she really wants this divorce!"


Received an email from my attorney on Monday that STBXW's attorney sent her saying that "this thing had drug on long enough and that they, as attorneys, have an ethical duty to wind this matter down as soon as possible."

But they still fell far short off of still wanting me, as STBXW's "debtor," to pay her back for half of the expenses of the 7-1/2 year marriage when she has seven figure wealth and I have virtually none.

Looks like we'll be here for a while~ or if she gets her way, I can just commit myself to a "debtors prison!"


----------



## sadshane

Been separated going on 6 weeks. Did alot of begging pleading, admitting my mistakes in all of this. She had said she would use this separation to work on us. Haven't seen any of that. I have been going to counseling with an invite to her, she hasn't gone. She says she's happy now that she moved. Don't know how someone can give up so easily and break up our family, we also have a 3 year old. I know that there were things I could have done better, but now know there are many things she could have done also. Marriage is a partnership it takes two to make it work, I have just started the 180 to try and give myself some closer in case we don't get back together. I know the 180 is for me and not designed to get her back, but what I honestly want is for us to be back together and happy again, for our son to have a whole loving family again. I have been posting in the going through separation area, but I really want a reconcilliation. I love my wife and want her back so bad, never thought we would be going through something like this


----------



## Solon

sadshane said:


> Been separated going on 6 weeks. Did alot of begging pleading, admitting my mistakes in all of this. She had said she would use this separation to work on us. Haven't seen any of that. I have been going to counseling with an invite to her, she hasn't gone. She says she's happy now that she moved. Don't know how someone can give up so easily and break up our family, we also have a 3 year old. I know that there were things I could have done better, but now know there are many things she could have done also. Marriage is a partnership it takes two to make it work, I have just started the 180 to try and give myself some closer in case we don't get back together. I know the 180 is for me and not designed to get her back, but what I honestly want is for us to be back together and happy again, for our son to have a whole loving family again. I have been posting in the going through separation area, but I really want a reconcilliation. I love my wife and want her back so bad, never thought we would be going through something like this


Then pray on it and believe. Leave it be and live well.


----------



## sadshane

I actually pray everyday on my way home from work. I am not a very religious person, but was raised catholic, I pray for strength mostly, and for a chance on our family being whole again. I hope that something good will come out of this mess. I just want to be happy again


----------



## Solon

sadshane said:


> I actually pray everyday on my way home from work. I am not a very religious person, but was raised catholic, I pray for strength mostly, and for a chance on our family being whole again. I hope that something good will come out of this mess. I just want to be happy again


Hope and believe---and it will.


----------

