# Found out new info...



## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

My WW was caught back in July having an online affair with a guy she knew from facebook. Since that time Ive learned a lot about what she did & something things she doesnt know that I know about.

My story about all this will come at a later time....



But I wanted to share something that I just learned.

Yesterday added a different realm to all that has happened.
We went together to walmart for some late night grocery shopping. We looked awful...flip flops, baggy clothes, etc.

My wife & I at one time about 5 years ago, went to a personal trainer. My wife has always had a weight issue (250 lbs) her entire life & I wanted to get into shape as well.
We went for about 5-6 months, it just got too expensive & we just didnt feel 2 sessions a week helped....so we ended our membership.

About 2 years ago, my wife found out that the personal trainer had started a new business in a new location, with new equipment, etc. She started going about twice a week.

Back to yesterday...
We were walking around in walmart & I notice the trainer looking at us. I motion to him, waving. He seemed awkward about approaching us, but shook my hand. There was small talk, but it seemed very very forced.

After he left, my wife was noticeably nervous. 

She eventually told me, that last March that he kissed her during her training session with him.
She said that he could tell that he crossed the line & said it would not happen again.

She did say that he was telling her that he was unhappy in his marriage. I'm sure she was sharing the same with him.

She then said that it happened again in May. That he apologized yet again.

And that in July, he tried to get her to go in the restroom with him. She said that she resisted. She said that his wife who runs the tanning salon there, was in the building at the time.


She felt uncomfortable & decided to end her membership then. 
I do remember her ending the membership last year, but I was told that is was for something entirely different...that it was too cost prohibitive to go any more.

I asked why tell me now. She said that she didnt want to tell me at the time....that we were going thru our "rough spell".
That telling me wouldnt have solved anything.

We walked thru the aisles at walmart for the next 30-40 minutes, waiting for him to leave the store.
She was shaken by the experience of seeing him.

I told her that he obviously has done this before. I felt bad for his poor wife.



What a way to learn more about my WW & what she has done.
And to think, this episode was not even connected to what I eventually caught her doing.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

What kind of online EA was hacing your wife. Luurv stuff, flirty or perhaps more sexual inuendo? Maybe a heated, sexual EA? 

Farmer. Your gut tells you what was going on with the PT is more than kisses.
They are adults, not middle schoolers.
What adults do?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

From what you have written I doubt it was just kisses. It continued to happen. Your wife is a cheater and cheaters lie. Her story seems illogical.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Only kisses, hah?

Well, it might be possible!

Polygraph her for confirmation.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Perhaps his wife needs to know what he is doing. How many other women is he messing around with at the gym?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Farmer_J said:


> I felt bad for his poor wife.


You should feel bad for yourself.

Not only has your wife cheated on you, but even made you shook hands with her affair partner.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

yeah they only kissed. cmon if it was private enough to kiss you really think it stopped there. at least my fww was willing to admit to kissing and heavy petting, i asked r u in high school?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

"We kissed" is generally cheaterspraken for "we had sex."

Can't say for certain in your wife's case but that is generally found to be the case with most of the folks who come here for problems with infidelity.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Don't assume too much but I'd have my doubts.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yeah, they did more than kiss, and she kept going back,

I strongly suggest you contact the guys wife an let her know what you now know.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Sorry, you found this out in a terrible fashion. I also hate the minimizing she did. Of course she was nervous, a simple kiss is one thing, March, May and a near trip to a bathroom in July? He may be a predator, but 5 months is too long for your wife, or you, to be making him the only "bad guy."

Boundaries need to be set yesterday.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Your wife may be telling the truth, it may have been just a kiss, but that's rather besides the point. Had you not bumped into the PT and you witnessed the interaction between them, she wouldn't have told you. 

The only reason she told you was because she knew you saw their uncomfortableness *I know there's no such word but hey..* She was scared you were going to investigate further and dig up some home truths..which leads us to

a) If she and him have been kissing up on each other why hasn't she told you. I don't buy this I didn't tell you because of the situation we were in..what situation is that? The you cheating now we have to be honest with each other situation. If it happens again what's stopping her from not telling you now..aren't you in the "She cheating but we're reconciling so we're in a good place now I don't want to spoil it" situation?

b)Her jump to honesty has probably has nothing to do with guilt but more to do with minimizing what actually happened. Any man tries to kiss a woman and gets rejected outright would be a really brave man to try it again without fear of rejection, especially if it a client. You don't want news that you're jumping women to get out, kinda ruins your business as well as getting a while bunch of angry husbands on your back. The crucial thing is they kissed, of course we know it wasn't a simple peck, did they touch, fondle etc. What emboldens a man to try the second time, this time trying to entice a woman into a private area?

One step forward, nine steps back. She is still not being honest. That is a major worry.


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> Your wife may be telling the truth, it may have been just a kiss, but that's rather besides the point. Had you not bumped into the PT and you witnessed the interaction between them, she wouldn't have told you.
> 
> The only reason she told you was because she knew you saw their uncomfortableness *I know there's no such word but hey..* She was scared you were going to investigate further and dig up some home truths..which leads us to
> 
> ...


I think you've raised some major questions. Its interesting to see these written out.

I have to admit, when she was telling her story (in the snack aisle of walmart) she seemed stressed and really trying to get her story straight.

I too believe there is more to the story than simple kiss pecks...and of him being rejected & trying again and again.

She is indeed minimizing it all....of course she is. When she was telling me, she would look at me with concern in her eyes.
She was looking for my reaction....to see if I was reacting to it in a calm way or not.

I was taking it all in a calm way. There is a reason for that though. By now & given all our past....Ive grown, well, less in love with her.
This is just one more instance that Ive learned about. And believe it or not, its on the lower end of what else she has done.

I've told my family about this situation. They too believe there is more to it & that she is just trying to skim over it & get it past us. They do not want to have anything to do with her.
My parents havent seen her in over a year. My cousin (female) who lives in our city, has been supportive of me. She wants me to leave my wife. They used to be friends.

Anyway, I will post my story soon. I have been a long time lurker on this site.


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

Should I let this guy's wife know what happened? Even if it was a year ago....or nine months ago...

My WW at the time it all happened didn't feel the need to tell his wife.
She didnt feel the need to tell me either.
I'm wondering why she would feel this way.....


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Are you staying with your wife? I would tell her that you think that she needs to tell the wife WITH YOU so that the wife is aware of the situation and how her husband is.

If your WW has no contact with him anymore then what does it matter if you out him to his wife?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Farmer_J said:


> Should I let this guy's wife know what happened? Even if it was a year ago....or nine months ago...
> 
> My WW at the time it all happened didn't feel the need to tell his wife.
> She didnt feel the need to tell me either.
> I'm wondering why she would feel this way.....


Do tell her Farmer.

His wife needs to know before she wonders why she lost her business, she already lost her husband.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Absolutely tell her.

She might also have things to tell you.

Your wife may have stopped going for the reasons you've been told, but because the guys wife's gave her the boot.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> My WW at the time it all happened didn't feel the need to tell his wife.She didnt feel the need to tell me either.
> I'm wondering why she would feel this way.....


Its the same reason why criminals don't turn themselves in when they break the law. She knew her actions where wrong and tried to hide them because she doesn't want to face the consequences of the affair and to continue until caught. She also wants to protect the OM marriage as a "partner in crime" to limit the exposure of her actions.


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

LetDownNTX said:


> Are you staying with your wife? I would tell her that you think that she needs to tell the wife WITH YOU so that the wife is aware of the situation and how her husband is.
> 
> If your WW has no contact with him anymore then what does it matter if you out him to his wife?


Am I staying with my wife?
Well at the moment I am. There are a lot of factors that play into that....we have a mortgage, jobs, etc. 
No kids though. She can't have any.

There is more to our history than these episodes.
She was caught in an online EA, she had internet dating profiles, etc.
I will post more in a separate thread about all what has happened.



She would never confront this guys wife. My WW knows of his wife. We've been to there house for a party one time. His wife is in top physical shape...classy looking, into tanning, healthy lifestyle, etc....everything I would think a normal man would want in a wife.

My WW on the other hand has lived the opposite of that kind of lifestyle. She is overweight (200 lbs at the time of the incidents), has a lap band, high blood pressure, eats junk food, never exercises or likes to do outdoor activities, takes antidepressants and a series of other medications, etc.

Why would a personal trainer who epitomizes a healthy lifestyle...want to risk it all with a married woman who is the opposite of his lifestyle?

I understand how it all starts.....talking about ones feelings that allows people to get close. She did say that he told her he was unhappy in his marriage. So its probably a safe bet to assume that she told him things about our relationship as well.
So, begins the trip down the slippery slope of sharing intimate details about your life....thus begins the feelings of intimacy, etc, etc.


If your WW has no contact with him anymore then what does it matter if you out him to his wife?

Well if this was a PA, would it matter then? If it happened a month ago, would it matter then?
I just found out about it this past weekend.
I had no clue this guy nor my wife was capable of this.

Yeah, yeah, I can understand the guy sneaking a kiss while she is working out on a weight machine. Ok, under 'normal' conditions, it would have ended there. From what she 'told' me...he said to her that he could tell she was uncomfortable & that it wouldnt happen again.

BUT it happening another time....then at a later time, he tries to pull her into the restroom with him.
All the while this guys wife is in the building running the tanning salon.

She reassured me that she didnt do anything physical with him. Wow...I would have hoped not. 
Its hard for me to understand all that....its like me saying...'hey just letting you know that I got a hair cut today at the salon from Jenny....she tried to kiss me...but don't worry, I didn't have sex with her".....wtf

I'm sure my WW was not the only one he has done this with.
If it happened once....a year ago...I could let that go. 
BUT three times...

Part of me thinks his wife needs to know so she can at least be aware of what is going on in her life.
At least one person in the world can be told the truth.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think you are not getting the truth here at all.

Do you honestly think gym guy made a pass at a 200 lb woman ?

And then did it again?

Or, do you think it may have gone down like...

She made a pass at him, she basically told him she would be very open to fooling around and that you were a terrible person and she felt do very lonely?

She made several passes at him, and eventually he or his wife confronted her and told her to go away and stay away?

His discomfort may have been because he wasn't sure how she was going to react. That she was given the boot on not very nice terms.

Think about it. What is more likely? Super fit , fitness guy goes after very overweight woman when he has a hit wife and likely many attractive clients OR over weight woman throws herself a hit gym guy?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

His wife needs to be told. His wife MUST be told.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

First of all I asked because those are things you need to consider in your relationship with her and the future of it. I do not know all the details you do. I busted my husband about noon on a Tuesday and was in contact with the OW'S H by 530 PM when he got home from work (it was the only contact number I had for him). Im all for telling.

The truth of the matter with your wife is that you dont know the real truth. If she has a history maybe she pursued him, was shut down and then quit the membership. You dont know the truth, only what you are told.

I also find it hard to believe that she was being drug into the bathroom if she wasnt a willing participant. If the wife was in the same building all she had to do if she was being "forced" was find her and tell her. Not buying that story at all!

As far as the OM's W and her body/lifestyle....I dont think that has anything to do with it. Ever seen that poster of a hot guy or girl and at the bottom it says "no matter how good she/he looks somebody somewhere is tired of putting up with their sh!t"?


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

Let me add some more....I do remember this guy being especially flirty with my wife back when we went to the training center.

Maybe he was that way with all the women, but I remember him being chatty with my wife.

She said (this past weekend) that he told her that she had beautiful eyes.

I can see him being the aggressor in all this. 
BUT I have a hard time believing that she was just working out on a machine & all of the sudden he was trying to pull her into the restroom with him.

There had to have been signals given saying that it was ok.

Thus her explanation that "we were going thru a rough time then".

So I think she either gave him subtle clues or she outright talked about it with him. And using the idea that we were in a rough time is a load of BS.
If we were in a rough patch, then why didnt I find a woman to kiss as well. 
BECAUSE, I am not that type of person AND I didnt know that was even an option in a marriage. (sorry I'm ranting as if I am talking to her)

I think she is trying to minimize her role in all this.....downplaying what happened. Because she thinks we are in reconciliation, and she might as well be honest. 

I think when she told me, that she was afraid I was going to get angry and leave her right then & there. 
She kept looking at me, staring into my eyes....as if she could see my true feelings somehow.

I wonder though, why be honest now....does she feel guilty....
She could have just kept quiet about it.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

She is stringing you along. My guess is you have no clue how many men she has had relations with. You can bet more will emerge from out of the woodwork.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

LetDownNTX said:


> Are you staying with your wife? I would tell her that you think that she needs to tell the wife WITH YOU so that the wife is aware of the situation and how her husband is.
> 
> If your WW has no contact with him anymore then *what does it matter if you out him to his wife?*


Doesn't she (OMW) at least have the right to know that her husband is not faithful?


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Farmer_J said:


> She would never confront this guys wife. My WW knows of his wife. We've been to there house for a party one time. His wife is in top physical shape...classy looking, into tanning, healthy lifestyle, etc....everything I would think a normal man would want in a wife.
> 
> My WW on the other hand has lived the opposite of that kind of lifestyle. She is overweight (200 lbs at the time of the incidents), has a lap band, high blood pressure, eats junk food, never exercises or likes to do outdoor activities, takes antidepressants and a series of other medications, etc.
> 
> Why would a personal trainer who epitomizes a healthy lifestyle...want to risk it all with a married woman who is the opposite of his lifestyle?


Two words: BLOW JOBS. 

If his wife wouldn't but your wife would... that would make her very attractive to him. What made me think of this was him telling her she had beautiful eyes.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Farmer,

You both stopped PT because it was expensive. How come she went to his place without you, and again stop going there? Fishy.

When you saw him at walmart, you say, she was nervous. All this should make you more suspicious. And indeed you are suspicious!

Why do you live with suspicion? Ask her to come clean, tell her she is not telling the truth fully.

Good lucks.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

LostViking said:


> She is stringing you along. My guess is you have no clue how many men she has had relations with. You can bet more will emerge from out of the woodwork.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But only after he shakes hand with them.


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

polygraph, truth or pack yer ****


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

sandc said:


> Two words: BLOW JOBS.
> 
> If his wife wouldn't but your wife would... that would make her very attractive to him. What made me think of this was him telling her she had beautiful eyes.


Hit the nail on the head, and honestly when most people cheat they cheat down. They want some strange, and usually get in a dander when the AP does something their spouse won't.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Farmer_J said:


> Why would a personal trainer who epitomizes a healthy lifestyle...want to risk it all with a married woman who is the opposite of his lifestyle?


Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley with a much less attractive woman. To some men, something on the side is a very powerful draw.


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## carpenoctem (Jul 4, 2012)

*Such nervousness about two kisses months apart?

Yeah. Seemingly, they learnt to speak Clintonese language at the same school.

Please ask her whether the kisses were after or before (youknowhat).*


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Did she tell you WHERE she kissed?


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Did she tell you WHERE she kissed?


Where?.....while she was training on a machine. She was using the overhead press machine & when she lifted the bar up...he reached his head under & gave her a kiss.


You both stopped PT because it was expensive. How come she went to his place without you, and again stop going there? Fishy.

When you saw him at walmart, you say, she was nervous. All this should make you more suspicious. And indeed you are suspicious!

Why do you live with suspicion? Ask her to come clean, tell her she is not telling the truth fully.

Well she went there I think b/c she knew the trainer & knew that a PT was the only way to motivate her to exercise.
My wife has always had a weight problem her entire life.
When I met her she I would assume she was about 215.

I didnt like going there to be honest. Two 30 min sessions a week just wasn't enough for me. After awhile it just cost too much for me. Ive since joined the local gym.

Currently I am seeing a counselor. Ive discussed what I have learned with the counselor.
We both agree that the entire truth has not been told.

I feel there is way more to the story than what my WW has told me. 

It just doesn't make sense for the PT to suddenly one day last March ,without any clues, kiss her while she is working out. Then they concur that this will not happen again. They had to have been talking about something for him to have the courage to try.
She did say that he said that he was unhappy in his marriage. She also said that he has commented on how beautiful she is..her eyes, etc.

Then a few months later in May, he does it again.
Again, there must have been some talking to give him the idea that is was ok to do this.

Then in July, he tries to pull her into the restroom with him.
How does this scenario start? I mean is she working out on the machine, he just grabs her & tries to push her into the restroom (?) I don't believe that at all. This guy is about 5'9 & probably weighs about 175. My wife weighs about 215 or so & is 5'9" too...so him dragging her anywhere seems unrealistic.

My counselor feels that we have no idea what the real truth is at this moment. Lying has been a way of life for my WW.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

my experience tells me that releasing a small amount of truth will act as a relief for deeper and darker secrets. WW feels the pressure of her actions and therefore leaked a SMALL amount of truth to cover for her behavior. This in turn gives her the impudence to act bolder and riskier.


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

I too feel that this PT was trying to get her to go into the restroom for some heavy kissing or oral sex. 
Why else would he want that much privacy.

She is trying to minimize her role in it all. I could tell in her voice & her explanation. She wanted to make sure though, that she didnt do anything with him. That during that time we were going thru a 'rough period'.

Ok. But my question to her would be: well how did it get to the point where he wanted to do that? Surely he didnt tackle you & try to drag you kicking & screaming.

I guess I don't understand the explanation of us going thru a 'rough period'. I had no clue really during that time.
She didn't come up to me, warning me that things were so bad between us that she was thinking of doing inappropriate things with another man. I didnt get that memo that the rules had been altered & our vows were void.

What sh*tty year 2012 was...


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Farmer_J said:


> My wife has always had a weight problem her entire life.When I met her she I would assume she was about 215.


I beg to differ. I'd say it's more a problem for you then for her. 
I'm not saying she doesn't struggle to stay fit but she doesn't place so much importance into it at least in comparison with the huger issues she has.
When you met her she was in a dating site for "curvy" women, she got into the same site many times (at least since the beggining of last year when she discovered the fertitily treatments wouldn't work) and cheated on you with multiple men. She also cheated with facebooks guys.
She never offered any piece of info, you only know what you found out on your own.
This PT is just one more of the multiple OMs she cheated on you with. And you will never know the extent.

Edited to add.
Does she still have her dating profiles on?
Is she still having cibersex in that huge bed you bought her to "win her back" as she was doing not that long ago?


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

Acabado said:


> I beg to differ. I'd say it's more a problem for you then for her.
> I'm not saying she doesn't struggle to stay fit but she doesn't place so much importance into it at least in comparison with the huger issues she has.
> When you met her she was in a dating site for "curvy" women, she got into the same site many times (at least since the beggining of last year when she discovered the fertitily treatments wouldn't work) and cheated on you with multiple men. She also cheated with facebooks guys.
> She never offered any piece of info, you only know what you found out on your own.
> ...




Ahh someone that knows my story......

I know she deleted the main dating site profile. That was back in January. I knew she had more than that one.

I did see on her email that she got an email recently (maybe last week) from another dating site (friendsworldwide) saying she had a message. 
I could tell that she did open the email. If she followed the link to the message, I have no idea. Ive quit monitoring since she got a new phone in January.


From what I can tell, here is the story:

July 15, 2012 - DDay
I discover that she has been having an emotional affair with a guy she knew several years ago for about 2-1/2 months. They reconnected either on facebook or by some other means...maybe it was by email, since she still uses the same email address from many years ago.
I find that they were communicating via yahoo messenger. At the beginning it was casual conversation. After a while the conversation turned to him expressing his love for her.
It progressed to having explicit sex talk. 
She knew what she was doing, b/c she told him that I had been cheated on before by my first wife.
But that I could not give her what she needed (I am assuming undivided attention & admiration...but only a one way street).

I found all this out, confront, ask her to end it....she does not respond to much, only saying she was unhappy.

I leave & move all my stuff out the next two days.

July 15- Sept 1
I move into a hotel. I can still see what she is doing with her email & messenger. She assumes I found out by accessing our telephone records, so she changes the password to it.

Two weeks after I move out, I see that she has signed up for about 3-4 dating sites. One is for curvy women, the other ones are match.com & another standard one.

We did exchange emails about divorce. I talked to a lawyer & I know she did too. We talked about how we were going to take care of our mortgage, etc.

The curvy dating site is her main website to go to.
I could see that she was getting several messages a day.
She would then start responded to these guys via yahoo messenger.
Usually it started off casual & then either the guy or she would raise it up a notch. 

There were 2-3 instances where she was having virtual sex via the messenger with these guys she met on the dating site.
She would send photos of herself as a child, with friends, and some of her in lingerie.
She even sent photos of her privates to one guy.
These were up close photos of her privates. Sometimes after she masterbated.
I saw all this b/c I could still access her account.

I suppose her reasoning for able to to all this was b/c she felt that after I left, that we were now separated.

All during this time, she was still in contact with the guy I initially caught her in an online EA with.
Looking at the phone records, She was texting & calling him all during the day. Even while she was at work as an ICU nurse.

Sept 1
She emails me saying that she wants me to move back home. That she can't pay the mortgage by herself. But it doesnt mean that we are getting back together.

I tell her that I am going to see a counselor & that she is welcome to join. To my surprise, she came to the counselor & he told us that we need to heal & that we should not contact anyone on the outside of our marriage. We both agree.

She kept that promise for about an day. The next day she emailed the original OM & said that they needed to end their relationship.

I move back into our home on Sept 1. That day she wanted to look for a new bed since she felt our old one hurt her back.
We look at a few & the one she wants is about $3k. 
Of course, no way I am going to buy it.

The next week, she again emails the OM saying that she was sorry for the way it ended with him. This was thru another email account. And she told him that she would check on him every once in a while to see how he was doing.

Sept - Nov
During this time I was able to monitor her phone usage with some software....websites visited, texts, etc.

No SMS texts to the OM were made.
She did still get emails from her main dating site & she would visit the website to read the messages these guys were leaving for her. She would look at their profiles.
But she never responded back to any. I knew this b/c I had access to the dating account. 

In late October, her doctor told her that she needed to have a hysterectomy. She got depressed, which I knew was normal.

I was constantly monitoring her phone texts & websites visited during this time. I had also gain access to our phone records as well.

Nov 5th - Voting day
I go out of town for my job. She is off this day from work. We text each other all during the day about things like what to have for dinner, how the elections are going, etc.
To me my life feels pleasant once again.
She asks me to drop by a store when I get back into town & to text her.
I text her when I get back into town like she asked.
I get home & she is all smiles & glad to see me. We eat dinner & everything seems pleasant.

Later that night, I check the phone records.
While I was on the road, she had called the OM & talked to him for 90 minutes. My text to her telling her that I was back in town ended her phone call with him.

I was hurt learning this.

Dec 2012
Her doctor scheduled her surgery for Dec 26th (my b-day).
So she asked that we go on a cruise so that we can at least have a good time before her surgery. I am reluctant giving all that I know. But we decide to go on a 5 day cruise.

We get back from the cruise & the next Tuesday is her surgery.
The surgery goes well & I am there visiting her every day...usually all day.

I can still see what she is doing on her phone.
Even while recovering from surgery, she is accessing the dating site to read the messages & look at the guys profiles.



Jan 2013
She is recovering from her surgery by staying at home for 6 weeks.
She is still ccessing the dating site to read the messages & look at the guys profiles during this time.

She gets a new cell phone & a tablet.
I decide not to monitor anymore. Its too much work & I feel awful anytime I see her access the dating site.

I access her dating site one more time & see that she deleted her profile. She must have done that after getting the new phone.

I find her old phone & go thru it.
In it I see photos of the guys she messenged on the dating site (July - August)
So pics were of these guys privates. Some pics were privates of the original OM.

I access an app called Words with Friends. It has a chat feature. I find that she had been talking to the OM using this app. She was telling him that she felt bad for ending it by email. He would respond saying that he was so in love with her & that his heart was broken.
This was happening from Nov to earlier Dec.

I then saw a chat where she is telling him that she made it thru surgery. The date was 3 days after her surgery (Dec 28). I must have been in the cafeteria at the time. 

I couldnt believe that she was still in contact with this POS OM.
And using a chat feature off of a word game to do it.....what a sneaky b*tch

March 30, 2013
Since Jan, everything seemed to go back to normal...pre EA.
We go to walmart, see the PT. She tells me that he kissed her twice & that he tried to pull her into the restroom.

These incidents happened several months before the EA that I caught her in.

Now I have to think, what else has happened.
Maybe for the past several years she has been doing something as well.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Sorry, but why are you with such a woman? The only reason she invited you back to your own home was because she couldn't afford to pay. Having virtual sex..having read this you can see why OM was so anxious to get her alone. They'd already had sex.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

BobSimmons said:


> Sorry, but why are you with such a woman? The only reason she invited you back to your own home was because *she couldn't afford to pay*. Having virtual sex..having read this you can see why OM was so anxious to get her alone. They'd already had sex.


:scratchhead: I thought about that too...wow


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> Sorry, but why are you with such a woman? The only reason she invited you back to your own home was because she couldn't afford to pay. Having virtual sex..having read this you can see why OM was so anxious to get her alone. They'd already had sex.


The PT wasn't the original OM I was talking about.

The original OM was the one she had an online EA with. He lives 900 miles away.

She said no sex happened btwn her and the PT. 

But maybe him trying to entice her into the restroom was about him trying to have sex with her or trying to have oral sex.

Either way, she must have given him a clue or something in order for him to think he had a chance.

She didnt tell me back then, b/c she felt at the time we were distant & her love for me was almost gone.
This doesn't excuse her doing what she did though.
At the time I didn't know what was going on.
And who knows what she was telling him about me.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

run forest run~ sounds like she is a serial cheater


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> run forest run~ sounds like she is a serial cheater


Evidence: 

Multiple dating sites should suffice. Women can have men (not gentlemen) at their usage and disposal very easily.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Farmer_J said:


> I did see on her email that she got an email recently (maybe last week) from another dating site (friendsworldwide) saying she had a message.
> I could tell that she did open the email. If she followed the link to the message, I have no idea. I've quit monitoring since she got a new phone in January.


Of course, since you stopped monitoring this new cell there's of course way more.
But the others are right, and you are right to stop monitoring her. 

Why do you bother to find out whether she had and affair with PT with this storial and what's possibly going on just now in her new precious phone?

*You are so focused, almost OCD, with getting evidence that you missed the whole point of it.*
Why in the hell you stay with this woman? Why?

She gives nothing, nothing in the table, she just takes and cheats, almost flaunt it. She doesn't respect at all. Why should she when you don't respect yourself??
It's a matter of time she find the "one" in her sites and will drop you like a hot potato as she won't need your money anymore.

Why?


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

I don't know why you think they haven't had sex. Because she said so? Yeah, and we all know how trustworthy that is. 

There was sex. Maybe full, maybe oral, but something if they're gonna be getting white faced at a walmart.

Whose to say he failed in trying to pull her into the restroom?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BTW, 215 pounds? 15 Stone in UK terms? That's not all that big. Not really.


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

Wow!! A Leopard can't change his spots!!

Your wife is seeking validation from other men. She is a serial cheater. She will never change. 

You need to start working on changing you!! Worry about you and quit worrying about your wife. You can't change the who, what, where, when, or why's she did what she did. You can however change your way of thinking and rationalizing her choices. 

You can either stay married to her and come to the realization that she will never change, or divorce her and start a new life with someone else. 

She may never be the woman you want her to be. Start taking her at face value. She is a cheater.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> BTW, 215 pounds? 15 Stone in UK terms? That's not all that big. Not really.


My wife is at least 330lbs. I WISH she weighed only 215. Curvalicious.


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## natasha1983 (Sep 2, 2011)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> My wife is at least 330lbs. I WISH she weighed only 215. Curvalicious.


:lol: You are hilarious..Hope everything is going well with you and your wife..


As for the OP, well you can't be sure that she has been physically cheating on you. All your evidence points to emotional cheating, done usually when someone is trying to fill a void or find some thing that is missing. In her case, her weight problem is a constant reminder to her of her unattractiveness, and she probably feels validated by this attention from her online suitors...The hysterectomy has most likely made things worse for her, since it has rendered her worthless as a woman. Maybe, in HER mind, she does not feel that you find her attractive enough and the fact that she cannot give you children makes her feel even more worse. That probably explains why she was watching your reactions closely as she told you about the PT, to see if you would get all jealous and possessive on her.Also, Maybe they were just friends in the beginning and she misunderstood his normal flirty banter for something more and (in her need for validation) tried to see if he actually wanted something more only to be shut down. She was afraid that he would say something about it to you, so she made up that story as a cover up. All her actions scream a strong lack of self esteem, and a need for rigorous therapy..I don't think there is a need to tell the PT's wife about it, as it will only feed into her (your wife's) need to get a reaction out of you and make things worse. Don't indulge her. His wife will probably not believe that story anyway .


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