# Need help with my spending to save me and my relationship



## Dale.Gribble (Mar 31, 2013)

I am turning 25 in Sept of this year. Until, I have been horrible with my finances. My job brings me about 20K a year after taxes and I live at home. I have about 10k in Credit Card Debt and 4k I owe to my dentist.

I really messed up my finances and my Girlfriend has had enough. Shes threatening to leave me, because of my spending and financial indiscretions. I still live at home and so does she. She makes almost 60k more than me as a Registered Nurse.

I think she is going through her quarter life crisis, all her friends are getting married and buying houses, while I'm spending all my cash on my hobbies "cars, hunting, fishing and motorcycles".

Our relationship is rocky and we fight over the most trivial things sometimes, and I feel occasionally that settling down with this women will only bring more problems. 

But I do love her, but I feel sometimes that I am not in love with her. I don't know how to explain it. Sometimes all I can think about is her. Sometimes we fight so bad, I just want to call it quits and looks for someone more suitable to me.

Any advice on tips etc to help me with my horrible financial state

Any advice on what I should do with my relationship.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Since you're Canadian Til Debt Do Us Part | Watch Online - Full Episodes & Videos | slice.ca  
watch some of those, I love them.

Regardless of what happens with your girlfriend, you need to get a handle on this for yourself so you can build a life and move out on your own. 
Stop the spending but 20,000 really isn't a lot to work with. Can you pick up more work? What are your monthly expenses?


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Dale.Gribble
Whatever Hollywood romance movies might suggest, being poor is NOT fun. It means needing to go without all sorts of things that other people have. 

I'm afraid that it really is simple: you need to find a job (or learn a skill) that makes more money (difficult), or you need to spend less (not fun).

You don't get to own a car and a motorcycle on your income. 

Whatever your income level, you still need to budget. There will always be things that you really want that you can't afford. 

I've been poor enough that I mostly ate frozen spinach on rice as the cheapest nutritious food I could find. I've been wealth enough to own an airplane and a fancy sports car. Honestly - I'm not any happier wealthy than I was poor.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yep time to grow up your 25yrs old what are you doing to provide for your future?

do you plan on staying at your lower income job?

are you going to school or looking into some training to better yourself?

what are your goals in life? 

if you don't have any of these answers then if your girlfriend was my daughter I would be telling her to kick this lazy bum to the curb he has no drive to succeed in life.

sell the bike and pick a vocation(job) that interests you and make making money your new hobby! 


If you made 60K more than your girl friend would you want to risk losing half of it by marring a person who was not motivated to better himself?


----------



## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

A few things:
1. What is your exit plan? When are you planning to leave your parents home?

2. Do you have anything to show for all this spending? Any assets at all?

3. Are you looking for another job?

4. Have you looked into using a non-profit credit counseling service?

5. Have you always had these spending habits or did this start recently?


----------



## Doorman (Mar 4, 2015)

At 25 you're starting to want to live like your peers, but you are not earning like them.

Start with this: Don't spend.

Unless you are paying a bill, or for life's necessities, don't spend. Don't charge. Pay in cash.

Think of work, and pay always. Every day you think about how to make more money. Is there some trade you can pick up? What connections do you have? You're going to have to show up earlier, and outwork everyone else.

You need money. Work pays money. This sounds like caveman talk, but busting your hump still pays dividends. You just have to always be aiming at the next level.


----------



## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

I can understand why your girlfriend wants leave. You have to get rid of your debt. You also have to do something to seriously raise your income. Even if you need a long range plan and get more education. If your having this kind of problem at only 25 dont count on your relationship to last. The only thing you can count on is the betterment of yourself. What got you to a place that your owe your Dentist 4k? Thats a high debt for any Dentist to carry.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How much are you spending on your hobbies? You put them in quotes, so do you think you're being financially responsible? 

Many women (and men, for that matter) want financial stability. If she thinks that you're not financially responsible, she smart not to hitch her waggon to your house. Frankly, if she was my daughter and explained the situation to me as you have, I'd encourage her to explore other options. The only reason to reconsider would be if you demonstrated that you've got a plan and are getting control of the situation. Taking a personal financial course (like Dave Ramsey) and showing change would be a good start. 

C


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

You are 25, live with your parents, work part time and have big debt. Sorry you are not a prize catch and your GF will tire of you very quickly.


----------



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Dale.Gribble said:


> I am turning 25 in Sept of this year. Until, I have been horrible with my finances. My job brings me about 20K a year after taxes and I live at home. I have about 10k in Credit Card Debt and 4k I owe to my dentist.
> 
> I really messed up my finances and my Girlfriend has had enough. Shes threatening to leave me, because of my spending and financial indiscretions. I still live at home and so does she. She makes almost 60k more than me as a Registered Nurse.
> 
> ...


It's interesting to me that this post went from your spending problems to your relationship to your talking about whether maybe you're not actually in love after all.

Here's what I think is going on under the surface in your mind, only I don't think you completely realize it:

"I like motorcycles and cars and being a big kid and not worrying about stuff like money and responsibility. But gee, seems like my girlfriend has a problem with me. Seems like she wants me to be more responsible, but that would be hard for me. I'm afraid she might leave me, but I don't really want to grow up. I guess it would be easier if I just stop liking her so I don't have to worry about it."


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

You can't live on 20K a year anywhere in Canada, let alone Toronto! Not even a retired single grandma can live on that kind of money.

You're living on minimum wage and there's a reason they call it that. It's the "minimum" required for mere survival, not to start a marriage or a family.

Regardless of whether you love your girlfriend or not (which you clearly don't based on how you worded your first post), you need to be more ambitious, more frugal and more mature.

25 to 28 is the age where you either make it or you don't. No one takes you seriously after 30 if you haven't already built a thriving lifestyle. And rarely anyone gets financially richer based on lifestyle choices made after 30.

I assume you have absolutely nothing to show for as far as TFSA, RRSP, Savings and perhaps even credit. Why? Who's gonna have your back later on in life? Don't count on the government. That ship has sailed for people in your age group. The government will give you dried noodle in boxes when you retire. 

You shouldn't marry your girlfriend. She's already got her sh1t together and makes 3 or 4 times more than you. Her social worth, net worth and outlook in life are very different than yours. She will eventually find you unattractive compared to most other men and seek to leave you at the earliest chance possible. That's how your lack of ambition is going to bite you in the ass. The next girl will not be any different. 

Wake up and get your sh1t together. You only have a few years of your youth left. Use them.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

1. YNAB
2. Debt snowball
3. Education or whatever it takes to increase your earning potential.


----------

