# going around in circles



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I have an appointment with a phschotherapist on friday to help me with a number of things going on I hope I can find a bit of relief...
I am 6 months out from finding out about my husband's affair with a woman he works with......she is 10 years younger, long beautiful blond hair and a nicer body than I have......my self esteem is shot when I think of our differences....
I have a 20 year old son that treats me with a lot of disrespect and seems to be heading down the wrong road, drugs, booze.....
I have an illness as well that I have been dealing with for a year now, I have been on chemo drugs and my hair is falling out.....it's scary and I just don't feel very attractive any longer.......
All 3 of these things have left me feeling depressed and stuck, has anyone had any experience with a therapist, this is my first attempt at help.........how long does it take to feel better, sometimes I just want to ask my husband to leave and just live life out by myself, my energy level is shot........maybe it's just easier .........


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi Jessi,

Sorry to hear of so many things hitting you at once. I have been to a therapist and it really helped to have someone to talk to and helped me to sort through my thoughts. I felt better as each week passed, mainly felt more confident and mentally strong to handle whatever was ahead (was having similar issues with my then 18 yr old son as far as disrespect and know how difficult it is)

Take care!


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

hi hunt brown and the others thanks for your responses I am thin too Hunt........my illness is different than cancer, my hair won't grow back and malnutrition in a side effect of the disease, I have lost 35 lbs in the last 2 years.......I'm thin........
I trying to put together a few problems that I want to be able to deal with differently with a program to change my behaviors.
I am 53 years old and a logical person so I know that it's up to me but I know with all this happening at once that I need a little help........
I know my thoughts are all over the place and I have a lot of doubts about myself and my part in the marriage problems.
Just don't know what to believe in anymore or what and who if anyone I can trust.....
Swedish I hope you are right that every week that goes by I will see some more hope, I used to be such a positive upbeat woman full of self confidence......I hate that I've lost who I was by things I didn't have any choice over ........


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Wow, Jessi, I can really relate to what you're saying as I felt the same way. One thing I should mention is that if you don't get what you need from your therapist, seek out another one. I intentionally saw a woman because for me, it was more comfortable for me to open up to her (athough talking about my problems to a total stranger was anything but comfortable for me) and I was happy with her. I think, like you, my main problem was feeling that the most important things in my life (marriage, kids) seemed to be crumbling around me and I felt little control over what normally was the center of my life. I truly felt unlovable at that time, which I guess is a normal feeling when your life seems to be crashing down around you.

My therapist did a lot of listening and gave me some things to read to better understand myself and helped me work through some of my thoughts and fears, trusting again, etc. Bit by bit I regained my confidence and re-evaluated my personal happiness...some of that was taking charge of doing things for myself & working on the relationships with my husband and my son. 

I hope you do begin to see hope, and at that point you can start taking some action to help you feel better about yourself and your situation. Right now, it may be the last thing from your mind but once you do you might decide to look into options re: your hair loss and just anything that will re-boost your confidence.

Try not to beat yourself up for having trouble forging ahead...chances are you have been doing that for years and are just feeling defeated at the moment, so bringing in some help is a great place to start!


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