# What are your steps/input on a successful marriage?



## Curious_Guy (Aug 21, 2013)

How can/did you make your marriage feel like you guys are still in love ever since you first met?

How did you keep the sex alive and prevent it from being boring?

Have you ever had situations where your were tempted to cheat?

I've posted threads on certain topics on TAM where people share their experiences, ranging from how people feel about their marriages to why they think people cheat.

I posted in a thread yesterday (now deleted cause the debates kept me distracted from studying) about women in their 40s who cheat. Of course, everyone, men or women at any age, have the ability to cheat. However, my thread had to do with women in their 40s who cheat, and I was messaging a user and we both agreed that people (primarily women in that thread) were changing the topic a little. The user told me how they were manipulating and twisting the conversation to one that would draw folks into something that they could defend.  Not going to mention who said this of course without their permission, but I couldn't agree more with this person! :smnotworthy:

Now that I have a new thread that has to do with men AND women, we'll see how this topic goes along on from a man and woman's perspective.

But enough with the infidelity stories, which seem to be the most popular here on TAM.

Any success stories anyone?? And tips to that success?

I also have been messaging another user and she told me about how wonderful her marriage is, and I thought to myself, "She can't be the ONLY one!"


----------



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

To answer question 1: it doesn't feel like that. It felt like that for a while, then it stopped, then sometimes it came back. But at some point I think most couples have to rely on more than "love" to get them through -- you need commitment too.

Question 2: Sometimes it's boring. Sometimes it isn't. I don't have any special tricks -- I'm not one to bring in costumes or toys or roleplay or whatever. I just try to pay attention to her, to talk to her, to be aware of whether there's something that's getting stale or not working or making her enjoy it less.

Question 3: Of course. I had an EA. I didn't ever do anything with her physically, and I ended it. I told my wife and we worked through it, after a lot of penance on my part. There are other times when I guess I am "tempted" to cheat but only in a fantasy kind of way -- I stopped letting myself get close enough to the fire.

I guess if I were to characterize my marriage, I wouldn't call it "wonderful" but I'd call it "good" and "strong." It's not a run through a field of daisies. Our life is actually pretty hard sometimes. But we're committed to each other and we love each other and we make a life together.


----------



## sgreenberg (Jul 9, 2013)

How can/did you make your marriage feel like you guys are still in love ever since you first met?

I agree with John - it doesn't feel the same. It evolves. It takes commitment. But it does still feel like love. That kind of love takes effort, forgiveness, patience, etc. Still feels great, though.

How did you keep the sex alive and prevent it from being boring?

Make and effort. Communicate. Don't change too many things too much too often, but a little variety in the routine never hurts. Don't stop learning. Don't stop making an effort.

Have you ever had situations where your were tempted to cheat?

Tempted? Yes. Have I ever come close to cheating? No.


----------



## Married27yrs (Oct 15, 2013)

Its been 27yrs so far...
It takes a commitment, it will fade from the hot romance to a deep solid support of each other.

Keep it fresh...make sure you have at least a weekly date night. 

Its really hard with kids, but 100% of my Sons friends had their parents break up when the last kid left home. 
(We did not)

As for sex never forget to let him/her know they are attractive to you... make a habbit of thinking that way ...


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Curious_Guy said:


> How can/did you make your marriage feel like you guys are still in love ever since you first met?
> 
> How did you keep the sex alive and prevent it from being boring?
> 
> Have you ever had situations where your were tempted to cheat?


You're a curious guy, why is that? 

The love is much deeper than when we first met. We have experienced various facets of life and one another. That feeling you're referring to in the newness of a relationship, I think stems from consideration. To consider each other, especially in the daily routine of life, that's where part of the magic is. That and being able to laugh together. 

I guess the consideration spills over into the next answer too. I think keeping the sex alive, is about emotional needs being met, considering those needs, along with open communication. It's the nourishment we give the relationship outside the bedroom that helps what happens inside the bedroom. When there's trust, respect and vulnerability, that's where the sex magic is. Oh and being able to laugh together!

Over the years, opportunity to be tempted has presented to each of us. We have become more aware of the importance of boundaries, and what that actually means to us. The marriage as a whole is then considered more.


----------

