# Ex mother in law's illness



## jbels (Nov 9, 2009)

I am in a bad situation here. My ex's mother is going through a battery of test for an illness that can wind up being life threatening. She is scared and is turning to me for support, which is fine because I am still close with her, as well as my other in laws.
However, I am not close with my wife at all. She left me suddenly over the summer without warning. I had heard a while back through my in laws that she was planning a trip to Vegas this weekend. 
My assumption was that she would cancel her trip to be with her mother. But while I was on the phone with her mother, she put me on hold, and came back on and told me that my ex-wife had just landed in Vegas. I did not hide my displeasure and told my mother in law that I wouldn't have gone on a trip when she was so ill. Subsequently, the rest of the family just cancelled a group ski trip (that my ex was not going on so she could "celebrate her freedom" in Vegas).
I am furious that she went on the trip and wish I was at the point that I no longer cared, but not there yet. My question is how do I continue to be a comfort to my mother in law without going through these bad feelings? Is it possible?


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

The best thing that you can do is be there for your MIL especially if she is reaching out to you. That says a lot about the person you are. Your wife is apparently going through a very selfish time right now. Trust me she will regret a lot of her decisions when she realizes what she has done. It seems like she may be running away from another situation that is probably to hard to deal with. Especially when all she wants to do right now is deal with herself. 
You can be a comfort to your MIL and the family however at the same time keep your thoughts to yourself regarding your ex. They don't need to hear the words being said I am sure they are thinking the same things.
Best of luck to you and your MIL.


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## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

It's wonderful that you can be there for your MIL and especially when she doesn't have the support of her daughter.

Try to treat the relationship with your MIL as separate or distant from the past relationship with you wife. That way you can appreciate her without having the negative feelings for your ex get in the way.


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## jbels (Nov 9, 2009)

That is great advice from both posts. Thank you.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Regardless of how immature your ex wants to act your MIL reached out to you, and if you feel like you can handle it, I would just put aside my feelings for my ex focus on the MIL, at least until you know she is "out of the woods"


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I think the advice above is great as well - with one caveat.

If you are having difficulty emotionally separating from your ex, you should not maintain the level of contact with her family that perpetuates the connection you are trying to break.


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## jbels (Nov 9, 2009)

I just heard that my mother in law had one of her tests came back negative, and in the same conversation she said that my ex-wife is going to California this weekend, which once again brought back all the bad feelings. 
I am at home mourning this divorce and consoling her mother while my ex and her daughter is travelling all over the country. I need to step back from this.


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