# What is in his mind?



## OrangeBlue (Sep 13, 2013)

Males, I need your words!

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We have been living together for 10 months. At the start everything was fine, like most relationships. I got along pretty well with his brother, with whom I used to hangout prior to my boyfriend. I met my boyfriend because of his brother. When we moved together, things with his brother started to change. I tried talking with my partner (Person A) and told him to please address the problems with him (Person B). But “A” said that he felt there wasn’t any problem and that if I felt any I should talk to “B” directly. I felt that could damage “B” and I relationship. After some months “A” and I have been having some problems. Mostly because of “B”. Few months ago “B” told him to stop inviting me to activities, like home dinners, etc. “A” told me about it and I found it disrespectful. I also asked “A” for his respect and to stand up for me. I always feel that “A” never gives me my place as his girlfriend.

Recently we talked about future. I know “A” is kind of always saying he is not ready for marriage. The problem is he is always talking to me about “when we marry…”, “when we have kids you are going to…”. We went to a wedding and his friends were asking when is ours and he said next year. I talked to him about it after that and he said “we are not going to get married. You know I don’t believe in that”. I asked him why he said “next year” to his friends and he merely say “what should I have answered”. But why he keeps mentioning wedding and kids all the time if he does not believe in that?

Since I met this guy I felt he is the one. With time things have changed. I don’t feel that connected to him anymore. I don’t feel part of his life more than just living together and seeing him after work for like 2/3 hours before going to bed. I don’t even feel part of his family (who lives abroad except for his brother). I feel I cannot do better. I encourage him to be a better person. I listen to his problems. I give him advices. I arrange activities for us to try new things all the time. I give him his space. We do road trips often. But I feel something is missing and what strikes me the most is I give my everything. After some thought, I can even say I already do everything like a wife. The house is clean, food is ready when he comes from work, he barely cleans the house, does his laundry, goes to do groceries… 

I really don’t know what to think anymore about us. I’ve been thinking to maybe stop living together and see if he misses me and feel different. I’m not looking to get married soon or anything, but I want to spend my life with someone with whom I know that at least share a common goal of being together in other circumstances.

What are your thoughts? 

Thanks in advance!

L


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

based on what you have shared, sounds to me like there is little future with this guy and you can do better. Don't sell yourself short. Time to start looking for a place of your own.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

"I feel I cannot do better."

That was how my ex says she felt, and she made the wrong choice in marrying me. We both paid dearly for that mistake. She wasn't as into me as she should have been, and your guy isn't as into you as he should be, nor does the relationship sound healthy or stable. Think hard about whether you are really compatible, want the same things, and truly care about helping each other be happy and grow as individuals and as a couple.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

He is stringing you along with talk of a future that is never going to happen. Dump him.


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## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

Life is too short to settle. And if B is going to take precedence in your partner's life over you, then you deserve better.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> But I feel something is missing and what strikes me the most is I give my everything.


You shouldn't be giving everything to someone who isn't give you everything. 



> After some thought, I can even say I already do everything like a wife. The house is clean, food is ready when he comes from work, he barely cleans the house, does his laundry, goes to do groceries…


Then what reason does he have to change anything? He's already getting everything he wants.

Moreover, he's already been honest and told you that he doesn't ever want to get married. It's up to you whether that's enough for you or not.


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

Those little comments he's making is to string you along to keep you with him. I'm sure he loves you but the word marriage probably scares the sh*t out of him, especially now that he is feeling pressure from 3rd parties, which is completely understandable. It's a HUGE deal. Having kids is a HUGE deal. He might come around or he might not. It's up to you if you want to stick around for the decision that could take forever, especially if he becomes comfortable with the life you guys have now.

Since you guys are already playing house basically the whole relationship, why make himself legally bound to you if he already has the life of a married man?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How involved were you with his brother? It almost sounds like the brother is jealous. Just wondering.


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