# Who filed & did you wait at all?



## Butterfly1014 (Jul 24, 2014)

So the question is two fold, there was no affair unless you consider the one with drugs and alcohol. I am not trying to say that to be harsh to my H but he has been an addict long before I met him. He does have some good days but of late the disease has him again as my therapist says. 

We haven't really spoken since he left, little over a month ago and I have been doing the 180 plan, IC, exercising, joined a yoga class, even went to an Alonon meeting, getting our kids out and doing things so in some sense I am moving on with Plan B.

Idk if he has done anything court wise. I don't know if anyone has taken time just to recover a little before they filed? Are you served like by someone else or does it come in the mail? I am on my own in this I have no family to speak of a few close friends but the fact is he has the resources to file, his family to back him. I have tried to reach out to his family but nothing and we were close.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Each jurisdiction is different, but there's often no advantage to filing first, aside from a psychological one. 

Is there a waiting period in your location? And in any case, you should be looking for (and saving for, if that's an issue) a lawyer so you can be prepared to respond yourself. 

In most cases, you'll get physically served papers by someone. Be prepared; it may happen at home or at work. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If he has the means to pay for an attorney and file, then so do you. What is his, is yours.

Get appointments with some attorneys. Many will give a free ½-1 hour session so that you can figure out if you want to hire them. Ask them a lot of questions so that you learn a lot about what will go down in the divorce. You can also search on the internet to find out the divorce laws in your state.

An attorney can ask the court to order your husband to pay their fees out of marital assets/income. If your husband has the assets/income that means that he will pay both his lawyer and yours.

He will most likely not file first because once he files he’s on the hook for at least child support. During the divorce, you can ask for both interim spousal support and child support. What that usually means is that the joint income is divided 50/50 between the two spouses and then the spouse who does not have the children pays child support to the one who has the children. So you can see why he might not want to file at all. As long as no one has filed, he does not need to even help with the children financially.

Has he helped you support the children since he left?

Do you have a job?


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

I am filing. Because I am doing the right thing and providing for the kids and her, she is getting her cake (the money) and eating it too (not having to deal with me and my issues). Final straw is when she turned me over to Child Support Enforcement when I am giving her $2k a month and paying her car payment because I told her that my hours were cut at work and I may not be able to give her as much in spousal support. (I did the state worksheet and $880 was my child support responsibility). So she decided to try to get them bleed more money out of me. Result: she got Child support only this month and I hired a lawyer to file since she is never going to file.


----------

