# He Doesn't Orgasm With Me -- But Can Himself



## Hopeful1 (Aug 31, 2010)

For the past few months, my husband has not reached orgasm during sex with me... yet, he's able to on his own during masterbation. We've had a pretty healthy sex life for years and are going through some marital problems, for which we're receiving counseling. Things are improving in our relationship, so far, and we've just started to introduce sex into our relationship again. But, as of the last few months including last night, he's still not able to climax during sex with me. When our marital problems arose and he was dealing with a lot of anger and resentment toward me, he had a wall up against me and wouldn't let me in emotionally. We're now starting to rekindle our relationship (thank GOD!) but his inability to orgasm with me has me worried. He's able to get an erection fine but can't get over the peak. He is able to do so, however, when masterbating but it takes him quite a long time -- upwards of 30 minutes or more with visual stimulation added. He's 47 and dealing with some high blood pressure for which he's on medicine. But as he can orgasm on his own, I imagine the problem more emotional than anything else. And, for the record, no, he's not cheating. Maybe while his emotional wall is starting to come down toward me, his body isn't quite there yet? Advice? Thoughts?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sounds a bit like me! 
But I think the meds may be to blame, or he's just tired. Has he been sleeping okay lately? Is he working too hard/much? That's kinda what happened to me. Or maybe he's just masturbating too much, and he has no energy left for you, in conjunction with what I mentioned before.

And, a somewhat darker thought-does he have a "problem" with porn?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Sounds a bit like me!
> But I think the meds may be to blame, or he's just tired. Has he been sleeping okay lately? Is he working too hard/much? That's kinda what happened to me. Or maybe he's just masturbating too much, and he has no energy left for you, in conjunction with what I mentioned before.
> 
> And, a somewhat darker thought-does he have a "problem" with porn?


:iagree:

My husband needed a minimum 20 mins to reach his orgasm with me. It's exhausting for him. Sometimes he can't even reach his O as his body gets tired before his penis gets happy. 

So I really don't mind to support my husband with other ways as long as he can get it off.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Hopeful1 said:


> For the past few months, my husband has not reached orgasm during sex with me... yet, he's able to on his own during masterbation. We've had a pretty healthy sex life for years and are going through some marital problems, for which we're receiving counseling. Things are improving in our relationship, so far, and we've just started to introduce sex into our relationship again. But, as of the last few months including last night, he's still not able to climax during sex with me. When our marital problems arose and he was dealing with a lot of anger and resentment toward me, he had a wall up against me and wouldn't let me in emotionally. We're now starting to rekindle our relationship (thank GOD!) but his inability to orgasm with me has me worried. He's able to get an erection fine but can't get over the peak. He is able to do so, however, when masterbating but it takes him quite a long time -- upwards of 30 minutes or more with visual stimulation added. He's 47 and dealing with some high blood pressure for which he's on medicine. But as he can orgasm on his own, I imagine the problem more emotional than anything else. And, for the record, no, he's not cheating. Maybe while his emotional wall is starting to come down toward me, his body isn't quite there yet? Advice? Thoughts?


Instead of letting your hubby musterbate alone, you can propose him with a great blow job. So he will reach his O with you. 

Ejaculation difficulties have nothing to do with his love for you.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

It is only an orgasm. Enjoy the journey, not the destination!


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## bumpgrind1 (Mar 29, 2010)

I have the same difficulty sometimes and I wait until my wife is sleeping, usually about ten minutes or so and then finish the project myself. I always get her off but she seems to not care one way or the other if I do. If you care for your man and want things to work take things into your own hands and do it for him. If you just lay there and expect him to get lots of pleasure from that you may be mistaken. There are lots of guide books about stimulation and that may be something that would help you. It would send a strong message to him I'm sure.


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## Hopeful1 (Aug 31, 2010)

I guess it's more the fact that he used to have no problems having an orgasm during sex but when our marital problems arose, and he started shutting down emotionally, that's when he stopped. We're working through our troubles (my years of putting my work over him and my family -- not cheating or issues like that) and things seem to be improving so we're adding sex back into the mix. But I guess I'm worried that his inability is due to his not really being "back" in the marriage yet, or maybe his starting to come around emotionally, but not being able to fully let his guard down yet. My fear is that he'll somehow tie his inability to not being attracted to me or thinking that our marriage is doomed... Maybe I'm over-thinking it.


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## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

HBP and health is a big issue for a man. For me if I'm not in it mentally, I'm not going to cum. I suffer from the same problem however I can masterbate and ejaculate with ease. Dont want to bore you with my problems. Have you gone down on him and pleasured him before penetration? If it takes him much time like you said to ejaculate even during masterbation then I would be patient with him and encourage and love him. DO NOT take it personally and if you do DO NOT let him know because it does have a snow ball effect. I wish you both the best. Temporary adding ED pills or teste gel can be used as a jump start.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

First of all don't read into it too much...continue to work on the marriage but, realize your husband is not alone. Most men can come easily on their own as they can typically apply sufficient stimulation (plus they have likely been doing if for years). Not to point out the painfully obvious but, improved fitness with excercise will likely increase his blood pressure, circulation and will make it easier for him to be less fatigued with sex and may help him to come. That asside try not to make it a big deal. "enjoy the journey" as others said. Don't take it personally, increased pressure for him to perform will could make it more difficult...

Contrary to the common belief some men (including me) find that extended foreplay and extended arousal can make reaching orgasm easier. 

How does he respond to oral? I agree with the post that mentions this as a way of making you part of the orgasm. If you find your mouth/jaw getting tired you could always alternate between his hand/your mouth..etc. 

Good luck.


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

blood pressure medicine..there is your problem. talk to a doctor to see if you could get his meds switched, i think they have a few that are less upsetting to the sex drive. just a thought.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

My friend said the first time he was with his girlfriend, he could not get an erection, and it was due to the blood pressure meds. He changed the meds and the problem went away. 

Pain medication will affect sensitivity in both sexes.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

76Trombones said:


> It is only an orgasm. Enjoy the journey, not the destination!


For a man that is like chewing your food and then spitting it out.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

Hopeful1 said:


> For the past few months, my husband has not reached orgasm during sex with me... yet, he's able to on his own during masterbation. We've had a pretty healthy sex life for years and are going through some marital problems, for which we're receiving counseling. Things are improving in our relationship, so far, and we've just started to introduce sex into our relationship again. But, as of the last few months including last night, he's still not able to climax during sex with me. When our marital problems arose and he was dealing with a lot of anger and resentment toward me, he had a wall up against me and wouldn't let me in emotionally. We're now starting to rekindle our relationship (thank GOD!) but his inability to orgasm with me has me worried. He's able to get an erection fine but can't get over the peak. He is able to do so, however, when masterbating but it takes him quite a long time -- upwards of 30 minutes or more with visual stimulation added. He's 47 and dealing with some high blood pressure for which he's on medicine. But as he can orgasm on his own, I imagine the problem more emotional than anything else. And, for the record, no, he's not cheating. Maybe while his emotional wall is starting to come down toward me, his body isn't quite there yet? Advice? Thoughts?


putting aside meds, dont push it, although both of u know how much u want him to achieve orgasm, sometimes the built up pressure will just ruin everything! if masturbation fails, why not try something else? say a good bj might do the trick


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## aqc_60 (Aug 30, 2013)

Hopeful1 said:


> For the past few months, my husband has not reached orgasm during sex with me... yet, he's able to on his own during masterbation. We've had a pretty healthy sex life for years and are going through some marital problems, for which we're receiving counseling. Things are improving in our relationship, so far, and we've just started to introduce sex into our relationship again. But, as of the last few months including last night, he's still not able to climax during sex with me. When our marital problems arose and he was dealing with a lot of anger and resentment toward me, he had a wall up against me and wouldn't let me in emotionally. We're now starting to rekindle our relationship (thank GOD!) but his inability to orgasm with me has me worried. He's able to get an erection fine but can't get over the peak. He is able to do so, however, when masterbating but it takes him quite a long time -- upwards of 30 minutes or more with visual stimulation added. He's 47 and dealing with some high blood pressure for which he's on medicine. But as he can orgasm on his own, I imagine the problem more emotional than anything else. And, for the record, no, he's not cheating. Maybe while his emotional wall is starting to come down toward me, his body isn't quite there yet? Advice? Thoughts?


At the age of forty, a man begins to experience the condition of your husband. I have been that since i was 40 and i in order to reach climax, i have to masturbate, and sometimes it takes me too long so i also need what you say visual stimulation to make it a little bit faster. And maybe he is addicted to porn so that he fantasizes on other women. And that is the only time he gets himself an orgasm.Play with him as he masturbates.Or let him eat your ***** as he maturbates and when he is ready to cum, let him put his **** on your *****.Try it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If it's taking him 30 minutes on his own and with visuals, that's a major effort. Most men can get themselves off in a few minutes at most if they want to. He needs extraordinary amounts of stimulation, and it's not optimum stimulation with you, unless you know precisely what manual or oral techniques work on him. PIV probably doesn't provide the right pressure and angles he needs.

This could be psychological due to your issues, and may resolve in time as your relationship recovers. Or, it could be a physical problem or hormonal - perhaps he should have his T levels checked, for instance.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

If he is using porn, he should stop. Same for M. The meds definitely factor in, but these two things will increase his sensitivity to you rather than porn and his hand.

I agree about extended foreplay being a big help. 

I won't discount psychological aspects but these are easy things to try.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

zombie thread alert!


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## ohno (Jul 11, 2013)

I know this is an old thread but it is somewhat common. I have this problem sometimes but the cures are so numerous and simple that it never was a problem. The first cure is a treadmill or stationary bike, or ANY form of regular cardio. Bad cardio makes sex really really tough on a guy. The second is to combine masturbation with copulation. The third, I don't really understand. With 69 or head, or making her O before piv, I have absolutely no problems hitting that like a jackhammer, don't get worn out, don't get out of breath...just machine gun sex till we both O. What is that? What chemical takes over? Even at the times when I was not in the best cardio and slightly overweight, at 40, as long as I was properly stimulated prior to piv, it was a breeze.


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