# X-mas 2011



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

This is my first Christmas going through this and I tried so hard to be amicable and carry a friendly relationship with my ex. I was supposed to go to their house x-mas morning to open presents. Now because I opposed her having her boyfriend over at the home or there for the holidays around my kids (we're not technically divorced yet) she has decided that its too much tension and doesnt want me to come over that morning (Now X-mas is my day and she has them all day X-mas eve and is supposed to drop them off X-mas day at 2pm) . I told her that she should learn to put those issues on the back burner as it has nothing to do with the kids. I am going to show up at that house christmas morning and if she wants to turn me away then she'll have to do it in front of the children. Oh and the other part is i split all the gifts down the middle with her monetarily! Im a schmuck


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Yep. 
After ten years of watching my little one running down the steps from her room to see what Santa has brought, now its a bastardized festival of back and forth to houses and who knows who is where...
I would be satisfied if my ex felt a thimble full of what I feel right now.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Well the thing is, I dont care about anything other than being there for my children and I have no problem putting my squablles with her to the rear for the benefit of my kids. She has been drastically unreasonable and her role in all of this has been of a person who is solely concerned with "winnning & losing". I told her that I dont think her boyfriend being around my kids is healthy at this point. They are 7 and two. The divorce is not final and truthfully i dont believe anyone of the opposite sex should be brought around the children for at least a year. She believes the children have adjusted well and I tend to disagree when my son still tells me he wishes I would come home and I have a two year old who can potentially be drastically confused about him being around. I am not going to take those chances as I wish to develop my role and solidify my role as their father first and foremost. So because I have opposed her on this she chooses to tell me that she has had second thoughts and doesnt think it would be a good idea if I came over that morning. I responded telling her that that day is not about her, it's about our children and I should be there. Put your differences aside for the sake of the kids to provide them with a happy day. I will smile and tap dance for them and not even concern myself with her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In the future buy your own gifts for your children. Have them open the gifts at your house. 

This way you establish your own Christmas traditions with them.

One thing that I do with my kids (we have the divorce situation going as well) to help with the traditions bit it to include them in decorating the tree and the house. One evening before XMas we have a tree decorating party. Dinner is finger food (hors d'oeuvres), something special to drink and XMas music. It's a blast.

You need to have things at your house for the children, so having presents at your house is a good way to fill their toy supply, fill their book shelves and closet iwth clothing.

It's not too late for you to go out and get some xmas presents for them yourself and have them open them at your house. Shoot ask your to give you half of the presents that you paid for so that you can have xmast at your house.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Thanks Ele, i just wanted to keep some tradition and not really turn the tables that much more upside down on them. I know they would want me there in the morning to see them open up gifts. She has just become all about herself and not whats good for the kids


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rico,

I know that your heart is in the right place wanting to keep things like the kids are used to and being there for them. It's obviously might not work

My sister-in-law did this last Christmas. She kept sending emails, etc about how they would still do the holidays as a family. Then on XMas eve sent my brother an email saying that he was only invited from 3-4:30 for dinner on xmas day. No Christmas Eve, no Christmas morning... 

There is no boyfriend involved in their case. But she was so nasty in the emails that he decided not to go as he was concerned about the nastyness over flowing into the dinner. His kids walked next door to where he was living and ended up spending a whole half hour with him for Christmas last year. (they were 17 and 21 so I put a lot of the blame on them for this.)

The fact is that while there is a slim chance of Christmas morning with your wife and kids, the reality is that those days are gone. It's sad but true.


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