# Why do women want everything to be perfect???



## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

:scratchhead:

My wife is a complete nightmare. If even the smallest thing goes wrong or slightly not to plan she goes nuts and blames someone. Its doing my head in.

Last night, I forgot to print out a poster for our business that she needs today. She forgot to remind me as well though.

Anyway, I'm going home from work at lunchtime to print it out. Luckily, I'm 10 minutes from home. Bit of a pain, but job done, all sorted.

Is she happy with this? No.

I just dont understand. OK, I made a mistake which I'm rectifying at my inconvenience so whys she still going on about it ????

And its not the first time - shes always like this !!!!!!


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## unloved (Feb 17, 2010)

My husband is similar to your wife - so it's not just women. 

He was raised in a household where everything was scheduled to the minute, always organized and the house immaculate. Not being that type of woman (and raised in a more relaxed environment), it's often hard to live up to his expectations.

I chalk it up to how he was raised - maybe this is the case with your wife. 

We've both gotten better about meeting halfway. And when I see him let stuff just roll off his back instead of making a fuss, it makes me want to do better by him. Thanking me for doing stuff is helpful too - positive reinforcement. When he gets angry or plays the blame game, I just get resentful and that doesn't help the situation at all - makes me less likely to do what he wants. Maybe let your wife know that her reaction to your percieved mistakes is doing more harm than good and she needs to change her "tactics".


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

unloved said:


> My husband is similar to your wife - so it's not just women.
> 
> He was raised in a household where everything was scheduled to the minute, always organized and the house immaculate. Not being that type of woman (and raised in a more relaxed environment), it's often hard to live up to his expectations.
> 
> ...


Ok we've established (and I heartily agree) that it's not just women. My oh's (over) reactions to so many little things can be put down to over sensitivity, and he has accepted that. However getting past the acceptance to enough of a change to make a day to day difference is another thing altogether. CBT is a good option - depending on how receptive the person and how serious the problem. But whether or not they realise quite how much of a pain it feels to have seemingly constant 'criticism' .... :scratchhead:


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

It's defintely not "all women". Men do this just as much. My husband used to do this to me. He expected me to be able to handle EVERYTHING, without failure because that was my "role" in our relationship. When I was unable to do something, or forgot, or it did not go "right" he would blame me and harbor resentment because I was supposed to be the one that had it all together. This went on for most of our relationship until last year, when the sh** all hit the fan with his depression, infidelity, etc. Something (with the help of meds and counseling) finally clicked in his head, and he has not acted this way to me since. I am so relieved to be set free from that "role" and to not have to carry all of the responsibility for the important things in our relationship. 
I guess what I am saying, is....maybe your wife is acting this way because she is placing you in a certain role in your marriage, and when you do not live up to her expectations, she resents you for it, and harbors that resentment, which transfers over to other areas of your relationship also.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Usually when people are that intense, they're unhappy with something - either themselves or their life. 

Have you ever asked her about her outlook on life? Is she getting what she expected out of it? Are you contributing to her unhappiness? How? What is she missing? What would it take for her to settle down and be complete?

You also might look into toxic shame. It's really rather prevalent but most people don't know about it. But it's so pervasive that it drives our lives. It can cause one to blame everyone else, because admitting one's own faults is so 'dangerous,' that they will move heaven and earth to prevent anyone ever blaming or judging them.


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## PurpleDjango (Mar 16, 2017)

She is just being pissy, they are right and it's not just women. But let pissy people be pissy, print that poster and give it to her, and accept no feedback!


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