# Unemployment.



## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

We are a family of 3. I got transferred by my company. My hubby quit his job and moved with us. He was initially offered part time work in our new town right off the bat. He declined the job because it wasn't up to his standards. Now 6 months later... He is still unemployed. I am near bankrupt. He got a job offer the other day with great money. Unfortunately he would start.. Working the graveyard shift. I urged him to take it. He just turned it down because he said he was too good for that job. And he is... But it's still good money. I insisted that he start and them if something amazing came along. He could quit. He said he couldn't ruin his reputation and abuse an employer like that. 

I think I've had it. What would u do?
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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Put him on half rations and a near zero budget until he gets something.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

In this economy, take any job you can take. Especially if it's good money.

Got friends who are still out of work and not willing to take certain jobs because it's beneath them. But I guess losing the house, living with mom and dad is better than working and getting paid to do an honest days work.

But I was making $75k and they're only gonna pay me $50k, WTF, take the damn job and work your ass off and move up! No, I'll wait.....Smacks head against wall.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

He's being unreasonable. Just sounds like he doesn't want to work. You need to have a serious talk about this.
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## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

I have some other freelance projects of my own that MAY end up paying decent money soon. So he's falling back on that possibility. It's just tough because I told him he needs to take the job. He turned it down. I'm considering telling him it's finally divorce time. I just can't continue to do everything and then deal w his constant negativity. 




daisygirl 41 said:


> He's being unreasonable. Just sounds like he doesn't want to work. You need to have a serious talk about this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

thats not unemployment, thats stupidity.

in 1996 i was making 19.00/hr.
after that job, i took a job making 7.25/hr working MUCH harder just to have something until something better came along.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You should have had it. He won't work to help support his family. He is not unemployed, he is a bum. 
Well at least you know how to support a family. It will be much easier with out him.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> thats not unemployment, thats stupidity.
> 
> in 1996 i was making 19.00/hr.
> after that job, i took a job making 7.25/hr working MUCH harder just to have something until something better came along.


I was literally working at McDonalds with an engineering degree until something came along. It sucks, but hey it's work.
Ironically, that was one of the happier periods in my life. I think it's just because I was on my feet all day so it was a bit like exercise. 

Divorce now.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

I'm in a similar situation. Husband's been unemployed for 9 months and only applies to jobs that 'suit' his reputation. He gets 1st and 2nd interviews at times and then gets rejected. Unemployment insurance stops next month and we have a 2 year old. Everyone tells him to look for something outside his 'field' but so far he's only applied to one such job. On top of all that he wants a new car that's gonna cost him over 500 dollars a month. I don't know where his brain is.

He too said he doesn't want a job 'for the time being' because it will ruin his career or have a negative effect on him or the employer...I really don't get it?

Oh he also said that even if he gets a low paying job it will come up to the same amount as his insurance is paying him..so he'd rather sit on his ass than work. The difference is the insurance is going to stop next month cuz they pay only for a certain amount of time. I guess now he will have a sense of emergency.
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## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

Cherry pie... So sorry to hear about your issues. At least he had insurance for a bit. My husband quit his job to move out of town... And he filed unemployment. He has been declined and he keeps getting angry and appealing. It's like... Ummm you QUIT your job. That's voluntary unemployment. He just continues to promise me that the unemployment check will come... It's just delayed he tells me... And that's why he doesn't need to take the jobs. It's awful.. Especially since I work SO hard. 



QUOTE=cherrypie18;686236]I'm in a similar situation. Husband's been unemployed for 9 months and only applies to jobs that 'suit' his reputation. He gets 1st and 2nd interviews at times and then gets rejected. Unemployment insurance stops next month and we have a 2 year old. Everyone tells him to look for something outside his 'field' but so far he's only applied to one such job. On top of all that he wants a new car that's gonna cost him over 500 dollars a month. I don't know where his brain is.

He too said he doesn't want a job 'for the time being' because it will ruin his career or have a negative effect on him or the employer...I really don't get it?

Oh he also said that even if he gets a low paying job it will come up to the same amount as his insurance is paying him..so he'd rather sit on his ass than work. The difference is the insurance is going to stop next month cuz they pay only for a certain amount of time. I guess now he will have a sense of emergency.
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]
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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

questionme2 said:


> He has been declined and he keeps getting angry and appealing. It's like... Ummm you QUIT your job. That's voluntary unemployment. He just continues to promise me that the unemployment check will come... It's just delayed he tells me... And that's why he doesn't need to take the jobs. It's awful.. Especially since I work SO hard.


i have never seen or heard of anyone getting unemployment for quitting a job. if they do that where you are, thats where im moving to.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I really had to jump in here.This is crazy.Grown men who feel the need to pursue their "dreams or careers" while they are not going to work and providing enough for their families.Sounds like a excuse to have more play time.
I started flipping burgers for a buck an hour when I was 12 and had to work on my Dads Mini- farm when I wasnt working or in school.I never looked back.Later I built scaffolds and went to night school.I'm 44 a steelworker and do 65 hours a week,because my FAMILY needs an education and to have that security that no matter what,they can depend on Mom and Dad. They need that type of role model in their life. Whats the difference between a lazy man and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four
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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

How long have you been married? Six months in this economy is not a long time to be out of work. I agree with you he should have taken one of those jobs or he should be looking harder. Is he depressed? Is there something else going on in your relationship? You seem very quick to jump to divorce.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If a job doesn't feed his family, he is authorized to work two.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

No job, done properly, is demeaning. A healthy man sitting on his wazoo while his wife supports him is.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

being cold,hungry,broke and looking at losing your house are great motivaters to get you off your tail and to work.
Fredrick Douglas said it best "learn a trade or starve"

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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

You're husband's just a plain ass. selfish ass.

I don't care if it's wiping the ass of elderly dementia patients on the graveyard shift at the nursing home. If it's a job... he should take it... but, gee... if it's neverending unemployement checks.... I guess I see the selfish bums point. Why work hard, if you can sit on your ass & draw endless unemployement? (NOT!)


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## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

It's hard to convey over a message board but my DH is not the stereotypical unemployed person. He really has always been a hard worker (if he likes the job). But I think he's acting arrogant ... And not considering the sacrifices that I'm making daily to pay the bills. I am very driven by nature and it disgusts me to see this type of behavior. And considering all of our other issues, I'm feeling very distant and angry at him. 

He told me yesterday that he took photos of our son so he could submit them for modeling. He heard from someone "in the know" that he could get 5k a photo shoot. I am stunned that he would resort to pimping out our son for money HE should be making. 






Chelle D said:


> You're husband's just a plain ass. selfish ass.
> 
> I don't care if it's wiping the ass of elderly dementia patients on the graveyard shift at the nursing home. If it's a job... he should take it... but, gee... if it's neverending unemployement checks.... I guess I see the selfish bums point. Why work hard, if you can sit on your ass & draw endless unemployement? (NOT!)


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

questionme2 said:


> I have some other freelance projects of my own that MAY end up paying decent money soon. *So he's falling back on that possibility. * It's just tough because I told him he needs to take the job.


He is a leech. Now he wants to "pimp" his own son for a photo shoot in the hopes of getting money. "Narcissist" comes to mind when I read about your husband.

Maybe he should wake up and look at the reality around him. The economy stinks. People are getting paid a lot less and expected to work a lot more. That is the way things ARE.

But, no, hubs is "too good" to lower himself. If he is such an ace, he'd have been offered a job by now. You are supporting a guy who will only take a job he "likes" or is up to his standards.

Go get a free consultation with an attorney. Get your credit cards, bank accounts, and any other comingled funds separated ASAP. You have proven to yourself you can support a family. Why are you keeping dead weight around?

You can tell hubs he needs/has to get a job til you are blue in the face. He's not going to budge. Why should he? Give him a reason to move his azz off the couch.

Seriously. See an attorney.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Using his son to make money? Thats just sad,I thought the Father was supposed to support his children? It really sounds as if he does'nt want to work. 
We'd all like to have a well paying dream job but you take whatever you can get and keep looking for aother job while you provide for your family.
he sounds lazy
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## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

It is difficult to understand how it got this far. But I began journaling and writing out things about our relationship from the very beginning and I could see that I was using him as a distraction from my own issues. I am going to work very hard on improving myself. I pray... With God's help... That I can be strong enough to overcome all of these challenges. The last time I even suggested separating... My DH was devestated and turned very mean. He acted like a child and started searching "suicide/divorce" on our computer for me to see. 

Of course, I caved. I couldn't stand my own pain and coupled with HIS I lost my motivation. 

QUOTE=calvin;687485]Using his son to make money? Thats just sad,I thought the Father was supposed to support his children? It really sounds as if he does'nt want to work. 
We'd all like to have a well paying dream job but you take whatever you can get and keep looking for aother job while you provide for your family.
he sounds lazy
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]
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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

I would be very angry if he doesn't take this job. My husband was laid off from his awesome job of 9 years in the summer of 2010. The same day he was out pounding the pavement looking for work.

Unemployment only pays you a percentage of what you were making and generally the only way you can collect if you have quit is if you were forced or asked to break the law or do something unethical.

Now he is at a job that he is making nearly half than less than what he was before and he makes up for that in side jobs.


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## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

You are very fortunate to have a husband who is such a provider for you and your family. Tough times bring out the true colors... 



Mrs.K said:


> I would be very angry if he doesn't take this job. My husband was laid off from his awesome job of 9 years in the summer of 2010. The same day he was out pounding the pavement looking for work.
> 
> Unemployment only pays you a percentage of what you were making and generally the only way you can collect if you have quit is if you were forced or asked to break the law or do something unethical.
> 
> Now he is at a job that he is making nearly half than less than what he was before and he makes up for that in side jobs.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

questionme2 said:


> I could see that I was using him as a distraction from my own issues.


That is very insightful. Now you need to take one step further and ask why this "distraction" is still sitting on the couch sucking off of you. 




questionme2 said:


> The last time I even suggested separating... My DH was devestated and turned very mean. He acted like a child and started searching "suicide/divorce" on our computer for me to see.
> 
> Of course, I caved. I couldn't stand my own pain and coupled with HIS I lost my motivation.


Manipulation at its finest. You, and YOU ALONE, own your pain. His pain? Not your's to own. You are still dependent on this man to cover your own issues. I don't know what issues you are avoiding, but wouldn't it serve you better to face them than to have a self-serving, self-absorbed man in your life who isn't doing squat to support his family?

You say your DH was "devastated" but he "turned very mean." People in the throes of shock and pain generally don't get really mean. Did he threaten you? Any sort of abuse occur?

Yeah, I think your issues need to be examined. And I think one of the symptoms of your issues is taking up space in your house. You sound codependent. I lived with it for years, and all it got me was a boatload of misery while I hung on to worthless jerks and other assorted lunatics in my life. All those nut jobs kept me from examining what was going on with ME.

You certainly deserve a whole lot better than you have now.


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## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

Prodigal said:


> That is very insightful. Now you need to take one step further and ask why this "distraction" is still sitting on the couch sucking off of you.
> 
> Thank you for your post and support. It's a tough place to be. You are *right*. I think he IS dragging me down. I'm normally a positive driven person.. So I don't do well w people who act like children.
> 
> ...


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

5K for a pic of your son??? 

Um, is your son THAT beautiful?? If not, then gee.. It just reeks of something illegal & nothing I'd want MY son to be looked at in pics.

I mean, if they are baby pics, like the Anne Geddes... then ya.. but she took a LONG time to get famous. Otherwise, it just puts a big red flag up in my mind for getting 5K pic of a young boy.

Edit - I re-read & see that it was 5K for the whole photo shoot session. Sorry I jumped to conclusions about what kind of pics or what kind of photo session this is. I guess I'm just in a bad mood.


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## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

I just cOnsider that to be out something both parents should agree on... And he never cleared it with me. 

I also think he's trying to use that money to replace the cash HE should be bringing in. 

He continues to search all day online for jobs that he is not qualified for.. And he says he has to do it to get his unemployment. Again, unemployment has already rejected his claims and his appeals. He QUIT his job. It's just crazy and very frustrating. 

He's not a bad guy overall.. But he is the same person who encouraged me to sue my own mother for part of the life insurance my mon received when my dad died. I just couldn't imagine... 

That happened awhile ago and I know he won't make that suggestion ever again... but, it's tough to keep MY head screwed on straight. I start to go down that road with him and then I stop myself because I realize how wrong it is. The thing is.. He makes such a great case for whatever he is hell bent on... He is a good talker...



TE=Chelle D;688967]5K for a pic of your son??? 

Um, is your son THAT beautiful?? If not, then gee.. It just reeks of something illegal & nothing I'd want MY son to be looked at in pics.

I mean, if they are baby pics, like the Anne Geddes... then ya.. but she took a LONG time to get famous. Otherwise, it just puts a big red flag up in my mind for getting 5K pic of a young boy.

Edit - I re-read & see that it was 5K for the whole photo shoot session. Sorry I jumped to conclusions about what kind of pics or what kind of photo session this is. I guess I'm just in a bad mood.[/QUOTE]
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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

questionme2 said:


> He continues to search all day online for jobs that he is not qualified for.. And he says he has to do it to get his unemployment. Again, unemployment has already rejected his claims and his appeals. He QUIT his job. It's just crazy and very frustrating.
> 
> *He's not a bad guy overall*.. But he is the same person who encouraged me to sue my own mother for part of the life insurance my mon received when my dad died. I just couldn't imagine...
> 
> He makes such a great case for whatever he is hell bent on... He is a good talker...


You came here looking for advice. Whether or not you choose to take it is up to you.

The man does not have a job, nor does it appear he wants a job.

He is living in laa-laa land by looking at jobs for which he is not qualified.

He STILL thinks he can get unemployment after being denied multiple times. Delusional.

He wanted you to sue your own mother for the life insurance she received from your father's death.

BUT ... overall he's not a bad guy.

What am I missing here? Because you certainly have yourself convinced this character is not all that bad. 

This is analogous to the story of the frog in the pot of water. As the heat gets turned up, the frog doesn't realize the cool water is getting hotter and hotter. Finally, when the water is boiling, the frog dies. The frog gradually acclimated to an environment that became worse, until the frog succumbed.

If you want to vent/complain about your husband's unwillingness to support his family, by all means do. I think people have offered you some pretty good advice.

Apparently, you want to remain focused on your husband's shenanigans and conclude he really isn't such a bad guy.

Your life. Your choice. I wish you the best.


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## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

No. I'm getting therapy and getting out. I am not convinced he's a great guy... What I meant to point out is he is very convincing and hard to pin down. It's the manipulation. It's hard to deal with because he turns the table and makes me feel like "I" am to blame. 




Prodigal said:


> You came here looking for advice. Whether or not you choose to take it is up to you.
> 
> The man does not have a job, nor does it appear he wants a job.
> 
> ...


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I have worked in the employment business for the past decade. The fact is that there is nothing about the workplace, hiring, job searches, upward mobility that will ever be the same. If you have not noticed there has been a dynamic paradigm shift in the past 3 years and if you are relying on what has worked in the past then you will likely be unemployed for the long term. 

You husband is quite naive, immature and absolutely lazy. Tell him to get off his a$$ or you will kick it to the curb.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

questionme2 said:


> No. I'm getting therapy and getting out.
> 
> What I meant to point out is he is very convincing and hard to pin down. It's the manipulation. It's hard to deal with because he turns the table and makes me feel like "I" am to blame.


Good for you! I just want to let you know, as a recovering codependent myself (I choose to call us "codies"), that I took the blame for everything just short of Original Sin. And I bought into it. And I felt tremendous guilt.

Manipulators/addicts just love to glom onto us codies. We do all the "heavy lifting" in the relationship. But here is the good side to it: once we are on our own, we are very responsible. We work hard. We are reliable.

Only warning I would give to you is that you be leery of any relationships until you have at least a year of recovery under your belt.

I spent years in Al-Anon and CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) in order to get my head screwed on right. 

You are a resourceful, strong, and capable woman. All you need to know is you can embrace your strengths, let go of the past, and look forward to a far better future; one in which you will recognize a manipulator a mile away and avoid him/her. Setting boundaries, maintaining them, and loving yourself for who you are will give you an opportunity to attract emotionally healthy people.

We're all a little nuts. It's part of our DNA. But when we realize we deserve to get as good as we give, then life becomes MANAGEABLE.


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## all4her (Apr 19, 2012)

In a similar situation tell me what u decide to do here


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