# My Husband is home!



## daisygirl 41

I wanted to wait until today, my birthday, to tell you all that my H is hone.
In less than a week my life has turned around.
I've got so much to share and to tell you all,
But for today I am going to enjoy my birthday and relax, knowing that my year of hell is finally ending.
H and I are going for a walk and a picnic on the beach this evening. Our first date in over a year.
It's the best birthday present ever.
But
I couldn't have done it without you lot
Thankyou from the bottom of my heart
Xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissK

That is great news, I have just said a little prayer for you both. I wish you both such happiness.


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## daisygirl 41

Thankyou
It means a lot to me.
God really does hear our prayers I'm sure
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Why Not Be Happy?

Very happy for you!


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## Jellybeans

Congrats, Daisy. I hope things work out for you and you enjoy your day


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## NaturalHeart

I'm happy for you


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## chocolategeek

Happy birthday! It's always a great thing when the restoration we have prayed for has finally come to pass. I wish you and your husband well.


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## that_girl

Nice!! I wish you to all the best...can't wait to hear what happened!

Happy birthday!


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## Catherine602

Hi Daisy Happy belated birthday. I am so happy he recognized your value. I wish you a fruitful recovery.


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## bandit.45

Kudos to you both and Happy Birthday!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DownUnder

Happy Birthday Daisy...i wish you both well and a smooth recovery journey together.


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## daisygirl 41

Hi everyone.
Thankyou for the birthday wishes.
Everything is going well here. We are talking a lot and spending good quality time together. We have 2 weeks off school now so lots of time to spend together.
H is almost back to his old self and we both feel as if we have been given another chance for a good life together. 
He is answering ALL my questions and being totally transparent about everything.
He really is doing all the heavy lifting.
The OW has given up contacting him. He finished it a week ago and she txted him constantly for about 3 days but nothing since. Lots of pleading and begging and general crazy behaviour from her. She hasn't returned to work so I'm hoping she will ask for a transfer. 
He's given his months notice on his apartment but has moved back in already. We don't want to be apart any longer.
If there's anything anyone wants to ask then please do.
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

daisygirl 41 said:


> Hi everyone.
> Thankyou for the birthday wishes.
> Everything is going well here. We are talking a lot and spending good quality time together. We have 2 weeks off school now so lots of time to spend together.
> H is almost back to his old self and we both feel as if we have been given another chance for a good life together.
> He is answering ALL my questions and being totally transparent about everything.
> He really is doing all the heavy lifting.
> The OW has given up contacting him. He finished it a week ago and she txted him constantly for about 3 days but nothing since. Lots of pleading and begging and general crazy behaviour from her. She hasn't returned to work so I'm hoping she will ask for a transfer.
> He's given his months notice on his apartment but has moved back in already. We don't want to be apart any longer.
> If there's anything anyone wants to ask then please do.
> X
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He needs to block her phone #.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41

Jellybeans said:


> He needs to block her phone #.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Done x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

Awesome


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## synthetic

Very happy for you daisygirl! I was actually wondering about your situation yesterday and today I see this!

Wonderful!


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## Jayb

How long were you separated? Do you have children?


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## daisygirl 41

Jayb said:


> How long were you separated? Do you have children?


We seperated in Dec but still had a lot of contact.
We have 3 kids. They're 17, 15 and 10.
DG
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41

synthetic said:


> Very happy for you daisygirl! I was actually wondering about your situation yesterday and today I see this!
> 
> Wonderful!


Thanks Synthetic
Things are going great
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

I am smiling ear to ear! I am so happy for you. Happy belated birthday!

I love good news and wish all the others here can post the same news someday soon.


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## daisygirl 41

Thanks This is me
Haven't got much to report but everything is going well.
H is away visiting his old dad for 3 days so I'm making room for him to move all his stuff back in ( there is a downside to this you know!!!) 
I miss him but it's fine. No anxiety, no worries.
Making plans for a few days away together next week.
The kids are so glad he's back too.
I've had one or two shaky moments but he's doing everything he can to help me. 
Will update again soon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jayb

You're so blessed. I hope you appreciate it!

Best to you and your family!


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## daisygirl 41

Jayb
Yes I know I am blessed and I truly appreciate it. 
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

daisygirl 41 said:


> Jayb
> Yes I know I am blessed and I truly appreciate it.
> X
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i hope HE appreciates it and feels blessed.
good luck to you daisygirl.


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## daisygirl 41

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i hope HE appreciates it and feels blessed.
> good luck to you daisygirl.


Yes... That's more like it eh?
My H is being very humble at the moment. He can't do enough for me, which to be honest can get a little bit tedious! Having fended for myself and regained my independence again over the last couple of months, having him now wanting to do EVERYTHING for me can be a little annoying!!!! Lol!!!
Think I'll drag it out for another couple of days though! ( joke!)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NaturalHeart




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## Mamatomany

Maybe you should change your name to luckygirl ;-)

Still happy for you!


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## daisygirl 41

Thankyou mama!
How are you? It's kinda lonely on this forum. I'm hoping some more of you will be joining me one day: - )
H has been away for a few days visiting his dad. He's home today. I'm so glad. It wasn't the best time for him to go away but it's the Easter school break here in the uk.
I need him home today. I'm feeling a bit shakey and my mind is playing tricks on me. Too much time to sit and think about things while he's been away. Just need some reassurance now.

Saying that I've had a lovely few days with the kids and had a chance to catch up with friends so that's been nice. I really found myself again while H and I were seperated. Started reading and exercising again and also regained some of that lost independence that I want to hold onto. I am determined not to loose myself again and remember its not up to my H to make me happy and fulfilled but that's something I have to find within myself!

things are going well. Looking forward to seeing him later! Better get myself washed and out of my granny pjs before he gets home eh!!!
Xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

I agree Daisygirl. I am hoping and praying for others like Mamatomany will be giving us some good news like the two of us have had. This forum needs more hits than others.

I agree about how the time apart can help us find ourselves, independence and self provided happiness. Also about the mind playing tricks on our thinking. I have to keep telling myself not to react, be patient and think before I speak. We all have emotions built up and need to remember the goal.

Take care and have a great weekend!


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## daisygirl 41

Hi everyone
It's 19 years today since I met my H on a blind date. 6 months later we were married after only seeing each other 7 or 8 times. He was serving in the army in Germany when we met and I moved out there to live with him when we were married. We have been through a hell of a lot in our 19 years but as you all know, nothing has come close to the challenge we have faced this past year.
It's a year ago since his EA started. But instead if feeling sad and low I feel good. 
My H bought me a lovely ring and gave it to me this morning. As we lay in each others arms this morning in bed we talked about the past year and our future. I am feeling so optimistic about our future now. We have talked about the events that led to his A and we are both committed to ensuring nothing like this happens again. We talked about what we need from each other and how we are going to make our relationship our priority now.

I would not wish what I've been through this past year on my worse enemy but I am hoping and optimistic that it will bring us closer together and help us realise what is important in this life.
I forgive my H for what he has done,, I know he is truly sorry and never meant to hurt me. There have been things that I have done to hurt him in the past also. I'm sure it's time to start putting it behind us now and look to a happier future.

Keeping you all in my prayers
DG
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Daisygirl, I am so happy for you!!! That H gave you something special to celebrate today is so wonderful. I really wish you both the best.


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## Mamatomany

daisygirl 41 said:


> Hi everyone
> It's 19 years today since I met my H on a blind date. 6 months later we were married after only seeing each other 7 or 8 times. He was serving in the army in Germany when we met and I moved out there to live with him when we were married. We have been through a hell of a lot in our 19 years but as you all know, nothing has come close to the challenge we have faced this past year.
> It's a year ago since his EA started. But instead if feeling sad and low I feel good.
> My H bought me a lovely ring and gave it to me this morning. As we lay in each others arms this morning in bed we talked about the past year and our future. I am feeling so optimistic about our future now. We have talked about the events that led to his A and we are both committed to ensuring nothing like this happens again. We talked about what we need from each other and how we are going to make our relationship our priority now.
> 
> I would not wish what I've been through this past year on my worse enemy but I am hoping and optimistic that it will bring us closer together and help us realise what is important in this life.
> I forgive my H for what he has done,, I know he is truly sorry and never meant to hurt me. There have been things that I have done to hurt him in the past also. I'm sure it's time to start putting it behind us now and look to a happier future.
> 
> Keeping you all in my prayers
> DG
> X
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So happy for you! Only in my dreams ...which are even hard to get there too. I know I have given up on them too. 
You are lucky!


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## lenzi

daisygirl 41 said:


> If there's anything anyone wants to ask then please do.
> X
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I read many of the back posts, including your first post. He was texting her 40x a day for months, he wanted out of the marriage, didn't want to work on things, moved out, got his own place.. the OW is going CRAZY. Why are you so convinced it was just an EA? Seems obvious it was much more than that and also only 2 months ago he had no intentions of coming back, why do you think this time he really means it?

Sounds like you are setting yourself up to be blindsided here.


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## daisygirl 41

lenzi said:


> I read many of the back posts, including your first post. He was texting her 40x a day for months, he wanted out of the marriage, didn't want to work on things, moved out, got his own place.. the OW is going CRAZY. Why are you so convinced it was just an EA? Seems obvious it was much more than that and also only 2 months ago he had no intentions of coming back, why do you think this time he really means it?
> 
> Sounds like you are setting yourself up to be blindsided here.


Lenzi: you were right about most things. The initial EA lasted about 3 months. My H and I then attempted to R. That was last July. We had 6 weeks off together from work. Things were ok but it wasn't a true R as he never really finished it properly and we never reconnected properly. The txtin stopped but she became his 'work wife'. 
If you have read my posts you will see that while my H and I were seperated we still remained very close. We still spent a lot of time together.
The A did turn physical in March when the OWH went public with it and he moved out. Combined with OWH moving out, the OW becoming needy and demanding and me doing a 180 on him the PA lasted about 3 weeks.

It's very difficult to explain in a post how I know for sure I am not being blindsided. But I know this time it's different. My H shut down from me completely for a year. Not only was he in the A fog but he had the classic signs of MLC. He was stressed, depressed and questioning everything about his life. He ended the A because he realised that it wasn't what he wanted. He doesn't want her. But it took the A bring exposed and her H moving out for him to realise that. He ended it not knowing if I would have him back and because it was in his words 'destroying the ones he loved'.

He has been home now for about 3 weeks. He is a different man. We talk about EVERYTHING. Anything I want to know he tells me. We have really reconnected this time. Things are different. We are talking talking talking. He is humble and is embarrassed by his actions. He is doing all the heavy lifting. My H is not a cereal cheater. We have discussed why the A happened and we have both owned our part in it. We are both committed to making our marriage better and stronger than what it was before.
H also knows that I have been forgiving but there are no second chances. I will never allow myself to go through that pain again.

Anyway, time will tell. So that's why I am keeping on posting and not just disappearing. I'm staying vigilant but I can't control what he does at the end of the day do if he chooses to resume the A then that's up to him and he can go. But I am as sure as I can be that it's done and my H really is home.
DG
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

DG41, I am very happy for you. Great news.

My Wife has shown some very positive signs in the past two days with out of the way hugs and even sat next to me on the couch last night. There are three sofas in the TV room, so mostly we have sat apart.

Since she took off her wedding band back in November, I did the same and hoping to see her put it back on someday again. I might be willing to buy her a new one if it feels right. 

Our first date was 19 years ago next month, almost exactly a month after yours.

All the best to you. Keep on posting.


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## angelpixie

Mamatomany said:


> So happy for you! Only in my dreams ...which are even hard to get there too. I know I have given up on them too.
> You are lucky!


I know how you feel, Mama. But get yourself out there for some fun 'wkd' weekends, and try to get him out of your dreams and someone else into them. Maybe the someone else will also end up in more than your dreams, wink wink, nudge nudge.


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## daisygirl 41

Hi everyone
Quick update. Things are going good. We have just had 2 weeks off for the Easter break and it all went well. Spent done good quality time together with the kids and as a couple. 
H is doing as he promised and bring open and responsive to all my questions and we have had some very heartfelt and honest conversations about our marriage and our expectations.

H went back to work yesterday. OW is back in work too. I felt ok. Obviously a little anxious but H has really stepped up to the mark. Was very supportive Sunday night and Monday morning ( without me asking) and gave me a lot of affection and reassurance. He's txting me throughout the day from work and rings me as soon as he gets home (I've already left for work by this time). 
So at the moment he is doing everything he can and the signs are all good. However.....
I am feeling a it tearful today. Now that he's back in work just had some time to think about everything we have ern through in the last year and how hurt I've been. Wondering if it was all worth the agony! I'm hoping my marriage will be stronger and better in the coming years and I'm pretty confident but I'm finding it a bit difficult to let go of the hurt at the moment. I can't give myself to him 100%. I know that's natural after what I have been through but I am wondering if I will ever be able to do that again?! Im so afraid of being hurt again, and I've told my H this and he does understand. I want to give myself to him emotionally 100% but I'm wondering if I will ever be able to and this makes me sad. Im sad that I have to protect my heart from the one person who I entrusted it to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

You are very brave, daisy! Thanks for letting us know how it's going. I really hope H keeps understanding and stays committed. It's going to take time for both of you. ((hugs))


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## NaturalHeart

Nothing wrong with what you're feeling. He still has to earn it. and that is what your heart feels. You're doing great.


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## sadwithouthim

You take the time you need to heal Daisy. I will pray your husband stays focused on you and the hurt and fear subside for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602

Daisy I echo previous posters - it will take time. The conventional wisdom is that it can take 2 to as much as 5 years. 

Perhaps you and your husband should read the literature on healing after infidelity. It would help to know that what you are feeling is normal. 

It is a process that may not be liner. You take a couple of steps forward and one back. 

Best of luck to you and your family.


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## daisygirl 41

Thanks all. Just had a bit of a bad today but I'm ok now.
Our work patterns mean that we don't see each other from Monday morning until Wednesday tea time so I'm just missing him and need some reassurance. We txt a lot though and I'll give him a call later.
Catherine: I'm reading a few books and discuss anything I think is relevant to him. I'm also reading other bits and pieces too that I think will be helpful. He's happy to discuss anything with me now and I have pointed a few paragraphs out to him. The books are in our bedroom so are available for him to read if he wants to.

When he broke off the A and came to me I was convinced he had been doing some reading as everything he was saying and douing were almost text book for a successful start to our recovery. I don't think hr had been reading or researching so it meant so much to me knowing that what he was saying and doing was from his heart and not from a book!

Anyway I'll see him tomorrow and we are going to clear the rest of his stuff from his place so he can hand the keys back on Friday.
I think I'll arrange a sitter for Friday so we can go out and celebrate.

Thanks again everyone for your continued support
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41

It's a year on May 15 th that I got the ilybnilwy speech from H. My D was away on pack holiday with her girl guide group. 2 weeks ago I got the letter home for this years pack holiday the same weekend and it really upset me. It was a huge trigger. I told H about it (he didn't know the date!!) but he was very supportive.

He just sent me a txt to say he's booked us a weekend away that weekend so we can have some time together. In 19 years together i can count on one hand how many times he has done this. I feel all warm inside. He really is trying!
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

Hang in there Daisy I am rooting for you. I completely understand about wanting to give 100%, but the trust is not what it once was. My now returned wife will not open up to me 100 % either which is sad. I hope it is just a matter of time, because I want her back.

all the best to you!


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## daisygirl 41

We cleared out the last of my Hs things from his place yesterday and he hands the keys back today 

Things are going well.

We went on a lovely "date" Saturday evening. Wrapped up warm and went for a walk along the beach and a bite to eat.

We had a talk while walking and both shed a few tears. H expressed how sorry he was for the hurt he had caused me and looked visibly upset and remorseful. 

Got back home and had an early night!!! :smthumbup:


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

good for you daisy, glad things are still going very well for you.


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## Catherine602

This is so good to hear Daisy. Sounds like he has come to his senses. I am glad you are working on yourself as well as enjoying a new type of relationship. That will keep you both on an even keel.


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## onehotmama

This thread makes me hopeful!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

Great news!!! Love reading this.


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## daisygirl 41

Hi everyone
I think im going to check out of TAM for a little while. Things are going good at home and im trying to focus on all the positives at the moment and sometimes coming on here really causes me to trigger and doubt myself. Reading the CWI forum is hard and its difficult to come on here and just read the positive stuff.

I hope this doesnt make me sound selfish as i really do want to help others who are going through what i have been experiencing over the last year, and i will come back, but i just need some time to focus on H and me and just make sure we are really giving out marriage the best chance we can.

So i'm not deserting you all, i wouldn't do that, you've all been amazing, but im just gonna check out for a couple of weeks.

Please keep me in your prayers, as i will you
much love
DG
XX

PS things are continuing to go well for us. Just a few insecurities on my part, but well thats to be expected isnt it! x


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## sadwithouthim

daisygirl 41 said:


> Hi everyone
> I think im going to check out of TAM for a little while. Things are going good at home and im trying to focus on all the positives at the moment and sometimes coming on here really causes me to trigger and doubt myself. Reading the CWI forum is hard and its difficult to come on here and just read the positive stuff.
> 
> I hope this doesnt make me sound selfish as i really do want to help others who are going through what i have been experiencing over the last year, and i will come back, but i just need some time to focus on H and me and just make sure we are really giving out marriage the best chance we can.
> 
> So i'm not deserting you all, i wouldn't do that, you've all been amazing, but im just gonna check out for a couple of weeks.
> 
> Please keep me in your prayers, as i will you
> much love
> DG
> XX
> 
> PS things are continuing to go well for us. Just a few insecurities on my part, but well thats to be expected isnt it! x


You take care. You've already been an inspiration. Best and prayers to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

daisygirl 41 said:


> Hi everyone
> I think im going to check out of TAM for a little while. Things are going good at home and im trying to focus on all the positives at the moment and sometimes coming on here really causes me to trigger and doubt myself. Reading the CWI forum is hard and its difficult to come on here and just read the positive stuff.
> 
> I hope this doesnt make me sound selfish as i really do want to help others who are going through what i have been experiencing over the last year, and i will come back, but i just need some time to focus on H and me and just make sure we are really giving out marriage the best chance we can.
> 
> So i'm not deserting you all, i wouldn't do that, you've all been amazing, but im just gonna check out for a couple of weeks.
> 
> Please keep me in your prayers, as i will you
> much love
> DG
> XX
> 
> PS things are continuing to go well for us. Just a few insecurities on my part, but well thats to be expected isnt it! x


Smart move. I understand how reading at this site can trigger negatives sometimes. As they advise in the airline safety drill, put your mask on first. Not selfish at all! All the best!!!!!!!


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## daisygirl 41

Hi everyone,
Thought id check in and give a quick update.
Things are still going well and no major hicups to report.
Had a tough day on Friday. It was a year since i got the ilybnilwy speech and i found myself going over and over things in my head. Was very emotional all day. Had a lot of things i wanted to ask H about the A, things that have been on my mind but felt too emotional to do it, so i wrote him a really long letter. I felt better after writing it so just put it away for another day. H was very supportive when he came home from W, although i felt like i wanted to distance myself a bit, maybe just to protect myself. I went to my friends house for the evening and when i got home there were candles and a nice warm bath waiting for me and lots of cuddles before bed. I shed a few tears and we talked a bit and fell asleep. Got up Saturday morning and felt much better, so went on to have a good weekend.

So what else? We are spending lots of time together and going on dates. H was due to change his motorbike 2 weekd ago, he was going to upgrade to a bigger sports bike, but instead changed it to a more suitable bike for us both to enjoy so that was great. Been out a few times (weather permitting) and really enjoyed.

I struggle with the mind movies quite a bit but am trying to deal with them the best i can and when questions about the A come into my head i try an ask myself what i will benefit from knowing the answer. If i decide the truth will hurt me more then i sleep on it and usually by the next day it has gone out of my head. Is this rug sweeping? I dont think so, just dont want to keep briing the A up all the time and you know, some of the questions, i really dont want the answers to, not yet anywyay.

Been having a few bouts of anger! One of the stages which i have not really been experiencing. Some of the anger is towards H but most of it is towards the OW. I do try not to think about her though but i really do feel so angry towards her at times and wonder what kind of woman could do what she did! Blah!! Shes not worth the effort.

So thats about it really. Hope you are all ok, 
Take Care
DG
X

Ps As you can see, i couldnt keep away for long!!


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## angelpixie

You and H are an inspiration, DG! I was so happy to see how he treated you after you got home from your friends' house. I can understand how you want to protect yourself, but you seem to be doing the right things by thinking on things, writing things out, and not just acting impulsively. Good for you! 

And as I'm sure you know, anger is totally normal. Don't try to ignore it. It's real and you deserve to experience it and let it go, both in a healthy way.
Keep us updated! ((hugs))


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## This is me

It is very refreshing to hear how you are tracking your emotions, which all are very normal with what you have gone through. I wish I could take away the pain for you, but understand it is a process that does make us stronger. I hate saying that, but it is true.

You are an inspiration and so happy you came back to update us and share. 

One question I have is are you working with a counselor for yourself to work your way through this? 

I wish you all the best!!!!


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## daisygirl 41

This is me said:


> It is very refreshing to hear how you are tracking your emotions, which all are very normal with what you have gone through. I wish I could take away the pain for you, but understand it is a process that does make us stronger. I hate saying that, but it is true.
> 
> You are an inspiration and so happy you came back to update us and share.
> 
> One question I have is are you working with a counselor for yourself to work your way through this?
> 
> I wish you all the best!!!!


Thanks both for your continued support ^^^^^^^^^^^^

Yes I have been in IC for about 6 months. Got my final apt in 2 weeks. I have been quite lucky as my IC had been paid for by my occupational health department in work. I had a lot of time of work last year because of all the stress and anxiety and emotional turmoil I was experiencing and work were so supportive, they've been great. My IC has been really good. Really helped me work through a lot of issues!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

Good for you!! As hard as this must be on you, you sound very aware and healthly about how you are dealing with it. I am glad you have professional help.

I am smiling!


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## jenny123

Glad to hear things are going well DG! So happy for you.


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## Catherine602

Hi Daisy I am so happy for you. Your husband sounds like a good man. I hope he understands that you have been living with this for a year and R is a process. I think he does. I can tell that he loves you very much 

The very best to you and the family.


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## daisygirl 41

jenny123 said:


> Glad to hear things are going well DG! So happy for you.


Thankyou Jenny


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## daisygirl 41

Catherine602 said:


> Hi Daisy I am so happy for you. Your husband sounds like a good man. I hope he understands that you have been living with this for a year and R is a process. I think he does. I can tell that he loves you very much
> 
> The very best to you and the family.


Thanks Catherine,
I appreciate the support you have given me.
Yes i think he understands but i think he would just like it all to go away now. Wouldnt we all!! Anyway, no rug sweeping going on here. Where i am choosy about the thoughts and feelings that i share with him at times i am not ready to stop talking about the A yet, esp as she is still a co worker, so i'm keeping him on his toes. And yes, despite what he has done, he is a good man.


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## sadwithouthim

You've got a good heart daisy. I wish my husband would realize things and come home and work with me to fix this. 

I'm praying your relationship continues to grow back together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41

sadwithouthim said:


> You've got a good heart daisy. I wish my husband would realize things and come home and work with me to fix this.
> 
> I'm praying your relationship continues to grow back together.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thankyou Sad, I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
How are you getting on?
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sara8

daisygirl 41 said:


> Thanks Catherine,
> I appreciate the support you have given me.
> Yes i think he understands but i think he would just like it all to go away now. Wouldnt we all!! Anyway, no rug sweeping going on here. Where i am choosy about the thoughts and feelings that i share with him at times i am not ready to stop talking about the A yet, esp as she is still a co worker, so i'm keeping him on his toes. And yes, despite what he has done, he is a good man.


Best wishes, for a continuing strong recovery, your spouse is lucky to have someone like you


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## yourbabygirl

Congratulations and best wishes of course. I'm sure u can sustain this good progress and make you relationship actually stronger. I believe that your H is a good man. You are lucky with each other.


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## daisygirl 41

Hi everyone
A quick update.
All going well here. Had a bit of an emotional week as i have seen the ex ow 4 times in a week, having only seen her once in a whole year! Just crazy! Anyway made me feel a little vulnerable and emotional but H was great and we dealt with it together.

We had a weekend away alone camping the weekend before last and it was great. Just what we needed. Just relaxed, had some nice walks and lots of cuddles. Felt really good after it.

So all in all things are going well. I still get moments of insecurity and the flashbacks and mind movies are quite intense at times, but i just try and deal with them as best as i can. Sometimes alone and sometimes with H. He is very loving to me at the moment which really helps.

DG
XX


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## This is me

I am very happy for you, but also feel sad hearing about the ow coming into view. Hopefully those mind movies fade away for you.

You deserve the best! Take care.


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## jenny123

Hi Daisy! So glad to hear it is going well for you. I think I am on the road to R myself. We have been separated since March 13th, but he has been out of the house for only a month. We have been spending alot of time together and are going to start MC next week. He mentioned he wants to move back home!

Please keep posting updates!


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## daisygirl 41

Hi Jenny how's it going for you?

All good here. Few ups and downs but overall very steady progress.
H has taken leave of absence from work so theres be NC with the OW for a month now so that's been really good for us. The time together has really helped us re connect and it's been great.
We joined a gym together yesterday, so another thing to add to our 'together' time.

He txt me in work yesterday and said
'I'm so sorry for the pain I have caused you, if I could turn the clocks back I would, but I can't do that, so I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you'

Hope you are all doing ok
DG
Xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Love this, DG!


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## daisygirl 41

Thx angel
Hope youre ok
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Thanks for asking DG -- hanging in there. The end is in sight. Not the end I originally hoped for, but since we've been apart so long, and the problems run/ran so deep, I think it's the better ending after all.


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## daisygirl 41

angelpixie said:


> Thanks for asking DG -- hanging in there. The end is in sight. Not the end I originally hoped for, but since we've been apart so long, and the problems run/ran so deep, I think it's the better ending after all.


Sorry to hear that angel but I'm sure you are moving in the right direction.
Stay positive and look forward to a happy future.
Just for fun, get yourself signed up for some free online dating. I did this when H was deep in his fog and I was really lonely one night. It was a boot. I didn't respond to anyone but some of the responses I received were very interesting!! 
Take care!
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

Great new DG and sorry to hear Angel! All the best to both of you!!!


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## lulubelle

daisygirl 41 said:


> Hi Jenny how's it going for you?
> 
> All good here. Few ups and downs but overall very steady progress.
> H has taken leave of absence from work so theres be NC with the OW for a month now so that's been really good for us. The time together has really helped us re connect and it's been great.
> We joined a gym together yesterday, so another thing to add to our 'together' time.
> 
> He txt me in work yesterday and said
> 'I'm so sorry for the pain I have caused you, if I could turn the clocks back I would, but I can't do that, so I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you'
> 
> omg, when i read what he text you, i started to cry! i know the path was hard and painful, but i'm so happy for you and where you both are now!:smthumbup:
> 
> Hope you are all doing ok
> DG
> Xx
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41

Thanks lulubelle
We are doing great.
H continues to do his upmost to help me feel loved and secure.
We are like a pair of newly weds. Genuinely miss each other when apart and spend all our spare time together. Lots of silly txting and lovey dicey stuff and lots of cuddles, hand holding and kisses.
I still get my moments when I feel incredibly sad about what has happened and so does H. But we just sit and cuddle and I have a cry. The mind movies and triggers are appeasing which is good, but H still finds it extremely difficult to talk about any of it, but I have told him there are times when we HAVE to talk about it and for the most part we are!

Thanks all for your continued support
DG
Xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

Thanks for the update DG! I am very happy for you. Hearing your story is very encouraging and only wish there were more like it here at TAM.

Happy 4th of July!


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## daisygirl 41

I just realised H has been back home now longer than he was away (4 months). The time he was away from me felt like an eternity. There wasn't one single night I didn't cry at bedtime or first thing in the morning. I saw him everyday (almost) but my heart was broken. I missed him so much.
The time he has been home has flown. We are in a good place at the moment. I Stiill get my down days, but we deal with them together.

I feel loved again. He tells me he loves me many times a day and he shows me with his actions that he means it. 
I still feel myself holding back somewhat. So afraid of being hurt again. The wounds cut deep into my soul. But he knows it. He's doing his best to heal the wounds and that's all I can ask!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 36Separated

What happend in the break-up? Was he defo it was over then just changed mind?


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## daisygirl 41

36Separated said:


> What happend in the break-up? Was he defo it was over then just changed mind?


Hi
As with all the situations here it wasnt as quite straight forward as that.
My H was in a bad place. Having an A never came easy to him and he was very torn. He was deep in his A fog, but couldn't make the beak from me. I went through weeks of hell, until I finally had enough and told him I didn't want to be part of the drama anymore. I told him I forgave him, would always love him but enough was enough. I let him go. Told him to be happy with her and get on with his life. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but 3 weeks later he ends the A and was asking to reconcile.

It's been a long hard journey. We had a false R last year before he moved out and the EA went deep underground. But thank god we are doing great now.

I have a few threads on her which contain all the details.
I'm happy to help in anyway I can.
DG
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadwithouthim

I love how happy you are becoming. I think you are such a strong person to have gone through all this and still was able to reconcile.

In my prayers tonight DG!


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## daisygirl 41

Thankyou sad.
How are things with you these days?
I miss a lot of the posters who were around last year. You all gave me so much support and I wonder his they're doing.
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41

It's my anniversary today.
19 years!
It's been a very tough year and a half but we made it!
Thankyou to you all for your support
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chopsy

Just read your thread about your separation and the A. So glad you and your H are back together! Your story is like mine, although no A as far as I can tell, but I do know my H is depressed and in MLC. Am so very pleased for you and your R. Am hoping my H comes out of the fog one day.


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## daisygirl 41

I haven't updated this thread since last July, but I thought I'd just pop in as its a year this months since Hubby moved back home.

I sat yesterday and re read some of my old threads, just to get some perspective of the whole situation. I thought I was going to get quite emotional, reliving it all, so to speak, but, it was quite therapeutic. I've come a lot further than I thought. One of the things that really struck me ESP in my thread: 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...ion/41159-please-dont-say-you-told-me-so.html

Was how I knew in my gut that H wasn't happy with the choices he was making and that it took less than 3 weeks after exposure for the A to collapse.

I was accused on more than one occasion of letting my H have his cake and eat it, I knew at the time it was wrong, but I didn't have the strength to put a stop to it any sooner. If that's one thing I regret in all of this it's that I didn't have the emotional strength to 'let him go' sooner because as soon as I started doing that it made a huge impact on the situation.

If I had any advice to give anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation as me it would be:

Listen to you instincts: what are they telling you?
Let them go : Theres a link to this on the CWI sticky
Expose the A: The fantasy is nowhere near the reality
180: implement the best 180 you can possibly muster. It really helps you to detach. I was never able to do a full 180 but I called it my 'mini 180'. It was the best I could do at the time but it really helped.

So nearly a year on since Hubby moved back home and things are going well. We have really reconnected and our marriage is on the way to being better than it has been for years.

H has changed. This whole experience has really changed him for the better. It's changed both of us. There's NEVER an excuse for hurting someone the way he hurt me but I do realise that I wasn't the best wife I could have been. After 18 years of marriage is easy to become complacent and take each other for granted. Over the years we forgot about the importance of putting our marriage first and kids, money, work, everything took priority. Not anymore. The marriage comes first and it's coming along nicely.

I had IC for about 8 months. This helped me tremendously. We were able to look at certain aspects of my personality traits that I didn't even know I had. It's been nearly a year now since my last session but I still keep myself I'm check and keep an eye on those personality traits I have which are not healthy to my marriage.

The trust is returning, I'm not quite there yet and there is of course that huge elephant in the from, of H and the exOW still working in the same place. I feel at the moment that this is the only thing that is keeping me from truly opening my heart to him again. A small part of me is still guarded, but maybe it always will be. H is totally transparent with his phone etc. he also has a tracking device on his iPhone. Theses things he has offered up willingly. I find the need to check up on him decreasing. The hyper vigilance has subsided somewhat but I still get days when I go into overdrive and feel the need to check up, but he's more than happy for me to do so. As the A was exposed to everyone in his workplace it has given me some comfort as I know a few of their colleagues, and I know they have the best interests of my marriage in mind. I know if I'm ever overly concerned about anything I can contact them and they'll be on the case :smthumbup: Thankfully I haven't had to do that yet. H had nearly 9 months off work after the A ended, he was able to combine sick leave/ holidays and working from home. This really helped us to reconnect and we spent A LOT of quality time together, talking and bonding again. It's played a major part in our R.

I'm going to start posting regular updates again, I think it's therapeutic for me, but I hope it might help any of going through a similar situation to. I invite anyone to post, but I do ask you, please be respectful of my choice to reconcile with my H. I know it's not the path everyone chooses but it's the choice I have made. Recently in other thread I have been told I am co dependent, lacking self esteem and in some ways emotionally damaged because of the path I have chosen. Let me say I take deep offence at these comments as they couldn't be further from the truth. It has taken a lot of courage and strength for me to R with H, and believe me I have nearly thrown the towel in once or twice, R is not for the faint hearted, but I believe my H deserved another chance, and he's proving so far that my leap of faith was worth it!

Thanks for reading
DG
X


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## BrokenVows

daisygirl 41 said:


> It has taken a lot of courage and strength for me to R with H, and believe me I have nearly thrown the towel in once or twice, R is not for the faint hearted, but I believe my H deserved another chance, and he's proving so far that my leap of faith was worth it!


Good for you daisygirl! You are 100% correct, it takes a lot of courage & strength! I'm right there along side of you and wish you continued success in your R


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## daisygirl 41

BrokenVows said:


> Good for you daisygirl! You are 100% correct, it takes a lot of courage & strength! I'm right there along side of you and wish you continued success in your R


Thank you I appreciate your support.

Having a down day today. Cried like a baby last just came out of the blue. We are doing amazingly well, but he really needs to get a job elsewhere. To be honest I don't understand her own H letting her still work in the same place as my H. But oh well. There's nothing more H can do to reassure me that everything is ok, there's nothing more he can say. It's just there! She's just there, and some days it just sucks! Roll on 3.30 and he'll be home!

Got a nice weekend planned too so just need to stay positive!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41

Nice sunny day
Breakfast in bed and a bit of nookie!
A good start to the weekend!
: - )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Arendt

Great to read this thread. Daisy, you said you had nearly daily contact with him while he was away...I suppose people here told you to cut contact, why didn't you follow that advice? 

What was your 180 like?

Thanks so much for posting updates like this.


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## daisygirl 41

It's a year tomorrow since hubby moved home!
We made it guys!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41

Arendt said:


> Great to read this thread. Daisy, you said you had nearly daily contact with him while he was away...I suppose people here told you to cut contact, why didn't you follow that advice?
> 
> What was your 180 like?
> 
> Thanks so much for posting updates like this.


Hi, yes I was advised to hit him with a hard 180 but I just couldn't do it. It took me a long time to implement my own mini 180 and I realise now that some of that was because I had become quite co dependent but also because I knew in my heart that H was very troubled with decisions he was making and although he hurt me terribly I still wanted to extend that olive branch out to him. 
I did cut the contact though in the last few weeks before he moved home and it's true they have to realise what they are losing in order to snap them out of it. I wish I'd been able to enforce it more rigorously sooner but we are all different. I was accused of letting him cake eat, and I see that now, but I was just doing my best at the time and when your heartbroken we sometimes do what we need to give ourselves comfort. 

We have 3 children together so we had to have some contact, but I'd say for the last three weeks I kept it quite business like, only txt him back when he Txt first, didn't initiate any relationship conversations and refused to spend any more 'hanging out' time with him and the kids. It hurt like hell but it's what I had to do to get me back on my feet and to protect myself. In his stupid A fog he really thought we would be able to stay friends and do stuff as a family, when I told him that wasn't going to happen, the bubble started to burst.
I also made sure I looked my best when I saw him and I started going out on the odd evening with friends, at times I had to make myself go, but I had to show him how I wasn't sitting around moping.
I told him I might join a dating website (lie) and his face was a picture! I also moved all his crap out of the shed and turned it into a mini gym for myself! I think that tipped him over the edge!! Ha Ha!
Once he realised that he was really losing me and the reality of his 'new life' hit him he ended the A.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Wonderful news, Daisygirl! I remember your story from when I first joined TAM. I'm so happy things have worked out for you!!


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## This is me

DG, 

So happy for you. I think we approached our sad situations in some similar ways. The fog takes a special patience and you got it.

All the best to you!


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## InOverMyHeart

It's been almost a year for you! I'm very glad it worked out.


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## ConfusedInMichigan

Daisy's story is a great one. The best thing I've learned from her is the value of patience (and being willing to let go). We have to mentally prepare ourselves for the worst.


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## Chopsy

Your story is so inspiring DG. Congrats on your anniversary! 

I've just let go of my H, six month in, am done with the drama. I have no expectation on the outcome, tho I know he is very unhappy, and yes, there is an OW. I see her as a symptom. My H is in MLC.


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## ConfusedInMichigan

Chopsy said:


> Your story is so inspiring DG. Congrats on your anniversary!
> 
> I've just let go of my H, six month in, am done with the drama. I have no expectation on the outcome, tho I know he is very unhappy, and yes, there is an OW. I see her as a symptom. My H is in MLC.



The one positive of seeing a (former) spouse going through a MLC (or in the case of my ex a 1/4 LC), is knowing that you will never, ever,ever,ever let yourself go through one!

I mean, how lame is it to blame the only person who ever loved you with unconditional love for all of the mistakes you made before and during the time you were with them? LAME.

My ex still blames me for her failing to complete goals that I actively tried to get her to complete! f"ck off!


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## daisygirl 41

Chopsy, Confused, how are things going for you both?

Thanks everyone else for your support.
Driving home work I just felt so sad and the tears ran down my face.
Now and again the realisation of what has gone on just hits me full on.
The wondering why and how is raised it's head and once again I am smacked in the face with the reality of what he did.
Our marriage is on the right path but I don't think the hurt will ever really go away and I find myself
Just questioning if its all worth it. Deep down I know it is but it's damn hard at times.
The anxiety comes and goes and the work situation is still ongoing.
If you asked me if I trust him now, well the answer is yes, as much as possible. There are absolutely no signs that anything is going on now, and boy do I know the signs. He has totally recommitted, he is loving, attentive and transparent. But it absolutely kills me to know she is still in work there with him. It tears my guts out. They have to do some work together in a Friday and anxious all day, I hate it. He says he feels nothing for her, blanks it out, just gets on with work! Can you really do that?? Really?

Our schools have now merged, we are on different sights, but have the same head teacher and some crops over staff. In about 6 weeks we have a training day together. How the hell am I going to deal with that? Me, him and the ExOW in the same room? The A was exposed at his work place and quite a few people know where I work, so I will have support, but I don't know if I can face it. I guess I need to grow a pair and toughen up! Will just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

Anyway going to keep myself busy for the rest of the day and try not to focus on the negatives.
Thanks for listening.
DG
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt

> Quote by Daisy
> They have to do some work together in a Friday and anxious all day, I hate it. He says he feels nothing for her, blanks it out, just gets on with work! Can you really do that?? Really?


*Yes really. Men can do that.*


Daisy, from what I have read so far you two really had a very good R for the last year. It seems to me that you two have a very good chance of making this marriage and R last. I really wished that the OW would leave the work place or get fired or something. My hat is off to you Daisy; that OW working with your husband must be very hard on you. The fact that you and your husband have not had a real bad repercussion that would seriously cause you and your husband to be at each other for a week or so and threaten the marriage is a sign that you two are very strong in your R.


I hope that you and your husband have a good plan to follow in keeping your marriage strong. Your honeymoon R for the first year was really good. You may even continue that honeymoon R for another year but sooner or later the honeymoon period will subside. That is when you will have to work the plan.


The honeymoon period can be so elevating to the emotions that it blocks out some of the hurt of the betrayal. When the relief and gratitude emotions simmer down a bit the hurt of the betrayal creeps in again. I have read that it takes around 5 years for an R to be cemented in and that is if everything goes real well.

I do not tell you this to make you sad it is just that I do not want you to get wrong expectations. *Remember this, from what you have written you and your husband have a very strong R at this point. In fact your 1-year R is one of the best that I have read on TAM!*


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## daisygirl 41

Mr Blunt, Thank you so much for your comment. As always it was heartfelt and honest.
I always enjoy reading your posts on our 'R' thread. You come across so calm and wise.

It is a struggle knowing that she is there in work with him, but H knows this and he does his best to calm my fears. He Txts me a lot during the day and I always know his schedule. He assures me there is absolutely no small talk between them and any conversations are purely work related. Although he isn't a great talker he has always been very loving and affectionate towards me and as soon as he comes through the door he hugs and kisses me and makes me smile. We were joined by the hip last night, we sat and ate supper together Relaxed watching a few movies. We have a nice weekend planned.

Some might say I'm being naive about the work situation but I know my husband. I knew when something was wrong before, I knew when he was withdrawing from me and he has sworn a total recommitment to me and our family. He knows I will not fight for him again. He is free to leave and be with her at any time, I am not afraid of going it alone now, but, as he says, he had that chance, he didn't want it and he's here because he loves me.

I understand what you are saying about the honeymoon period also. I keep a check on my own pre A behaviours and I think we are both aware of not sliding back into the 'old ways'. The advice I have picked up here and TAM and through the extensive reading I have done has really helped me keep a check on making sure both our needs are met, but it's not a chore, it comes naturally. I think we have become more aware of each others needs in the last 12 months than we did in the previous 19 years together.

Anyway I've rambled on now, but I appreciate your feedback and welcome any advice.
Thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt

Daisy
It does sound like your husband is dead serious about the R and wants nothing to do with the OW. The OW working with your husband is probably more of a sore spot for you than him. It may even be a pain to your husband every time he sees the OW because she helped bring him down and hurt his family. However. I can understand your feelings about her working with him. I would not like it ONE BIT!!

It seems that you are healthy all the way around. People who say you are naive do not realize that know your husband better than anyone at TAM. Furthermore, you were the one that was hurt to the bone and you will have your antennas up on full alert. Finally, you are healthy enough and experienced enough and now tough enough to leave him if he does that again. I bet he knows that and that has to be another incentive for him to keep you as his one and only.

Daisy, you and your husband sound so solid. You said 
“…keep a check on making sure both our needs are met, but it's *not a chore, it comes naturally”*

I now have more faith that you and your husband are a very strong couple that has the R in high gear!!! Congrats!!

I have over 20 years of c successful R and *it gives me joy to see a couple put their family back together.* It is a win win!!


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## daisygirl 41

So, I'm having a bit of a tough time at the moment. I've developed really bad anxiety. I feel very anxious most of the time, ESP when H is away from me and I'm having at least one major anxiety attack a week. Saturday I had a really bad one, I cried most of the day and just felt terrible.

I questioning everything. Questioning our love for each other, if our marriage can survive this and just feel like throwing in the towel.

I've been to the Dr and have been prescribed 10mg Citalopram a day. They've have helped to lighten my mood but so far they have not touched the anxiety. Dr said to give them a few weeks to work.

I understand I have been under a lot of stress over the last couple of years and this is just my bodies way of dealing with it but it is NOT good for our R and I feel myself getting frustrated about it. I want the anxiety to go away. We were doing so well, brilliantly, but I just feel this has really hindered our R.

We are talking about it. H is doing his best to understand and is being very patient. The anxiety isn't just from the A. We have been through a lot over the last 5 years and its all coming to the surface now. I feel needy and insecure and I hate it. I know I've just got to give it time but I'm so worried I am going to feel like this forever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

Daisy, 

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. You have had many positive posts over the past several months and you have been one of my favorites to follow. 

I am not a fan of prescriptions after trying a few times when I was lost. For me they only made things worse. But that's just me.

Even though things are better for us, I always keep the lessons I learned through these past few years in my back pocket, especially the 180 rules. I have found that even the softest 180's give me independence and in many cases spark a positive response from her that balances us out.

Not sure if that makes sense or is at all helpful. 

Patience allows time to heal those wounds.

I wish you nothing but the best.


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## daisygirl 41

TIM
Thanks for responding. I know what you mean about using the tools we learnt from the A. I am very mindful that I am being needy and insecure at the moment and am almost smothering H, and we all know that's not the best so I have been implementing a mini mini 180 and trying to pull back a bit and concentrating on myself.
My IC also taught me to live more in the moment and not to try and focus to much on the past or the future. This has also helped.

I initially went to the Drs because I have been having really bad pmt. the week before I'm due I'm a wreck and just very very emotional. Sorry if that's tmi! Anyway she did a questionnaire with me and it came up that I was more anxious than depressed, and the pmt was partly to do with my age and my frame of mind. Anyway I have been taking the tablets for 2 and a half weeks now, I'm going to give them another month and see how I get on.

H and I had a good talk Saturday. I was very emotional and I opened up to him a lot about how I was feeling about everything. He feels to blame for my frame of mind and feels very guilty but I wanted him to know that I don't blame him anymore and as long as I've got his support that's all that matters. I told him my fears of being abandoned again and he reassured me that he's not going anywhere and that he loves me. 

We have a week off next week and the weather has made a turn for the better so I'm looking forward to us spending some time together. We are not quite empty nesters yet but out 2 oldest boys spend most of their time with their friends now and our daughter has a busy social life. I miss the children coming on outings with us and doing family things ( we always did A LOT together when they were younger. This is also something I have had to get used to. In some ways it's nice but I do miss them and our family days out.

Sorry, rambling now!!
Anyway thanks for your continued support, and I hope everything is going well with you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt

Daisy
So I am going to recap with a very brief summary to help me keep things straight:

2011
Your husband got into an EA with his co-worker over 2 years ago in 2011

2013 January
You and he stayed in contact but t he moved out and into his own apartment around Jan 2013 and the affair turned physical

2013-March
You husband finally broke away from his trap in March 2013


2013 March- May 2013
Your husband has been doing just about everything a real remorseful Husband can do to make a successful R

Currently May 2013 you are having hard anxiety attacks weekly


For now I am going to concentrate on your statement below


> *Questioning our love for each other, if our marriage can survive this
> I told him my fears of being abandoned again*


It is very normal to have those thoughts but that information will only help you if you are thinking something is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you except that your last 2-5 years has taken a toll on your trust, faith, emotions, and security. That is a whole lot!

I am going to try and give you what I see and hope that it helps you. I have reviewed your posts and words and here is what stuck out to me:


> *APRIL 2012*
> My H is being very humble at the moment. He can't do enough for me
> He is humble and is embarrassed by his actions. He is doing all the heavy lifting.
> 
> *March 2012*
> H has changed. This whole experience has really changed him for the better
> 
> 
> H is totally transparent with his phone etc. he also has a tracking device on his iPhone. Theses things he has offered up willingly
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> There are absolutely no signs that anything is going on now, and boy do I know the signs. He has totally recommitted, he is loving, attentive and transparent. But it absolutely kills me to know she is still in work there with him
> 
> 
> He says he feels nothing for her, blanks it out, just gets on with work! Can you really do that?? Really? *Men Can HELL YES!!!*
> 
> I knew when something was wrong before, I knew when he was withdrawing from me and he has sworn a total recommitment to me and our family. He knows I will not fight for him again.
> 
> I think we have become more aware of each others needs in the last 12 months than we did in the previous 19 years together.


Daisy the information above is very convincing that your husband is really serious about his R. *LOTS of positives there!*

Now let me tell you something else that may help you. You have said that your husband is a good man and I believe you and his actions these last few months have added credibility to him being a good man.

This good man knows that he hurt his wife and family. He also knows he has deeply hurt his respect for himself. He also knows that his selfishness and the selfishness of the other woman is exactly what has done all this damage to him and his family. Now he has a chance to get back his family and his self respect. *Do you think this good man that has a brain is going to abandon this opportunity?*

I am going to tell you something than may hurt for a bit but I think it will help. IF, IF, IF, your husband enjoyed this woman in some areas, here is how I think he now sees it. Have you ever had a real god steak or lobster or what ever you love to eat? Now your husband’s enjoying of the other woman is like enjoying your favorite food for a short time and then you get food poisoning. You puke until you think your anus is going to come out your mouth. That is how I think your husband see the OW. She was like a shiny apple but when he bit into her he finally found out that it was full of maggots.

I don’t think that every man would think like that but by what you have posted I think your husband thinks along these lines.

*Furthermore, you are the only woman that he has had his youth with. You are the only woman that has given him his precious children. NO WOMAN will ever have that SPECIALNESS except YOU!*

If your husband is a good man, a smart man. A man that has decent feelings, a man that appreciates what God has blessed him with. HE IS NOT GOING TO ABANDON YOU!!!


*



The wondering why and how is raised it's head and once again I am smacked in the face with the reality of what he did

Click to expand...

*Force your self to blot out your urges to rehash the past. 
Here is a simple bit of advice

Your husband was selfish and lowered himself to a level that hurts to the bone.
His pain is enormous but his recovery looks very very good

*You need to FORCE yourself to stop thinking of the past and concentrate on the REAL FACTS that you told us about in the above posts*. In addition you can pray for your husband because if God is included as one of his ICs and your husband acts accordingly, then your marriage will eventually be better than it ever has been.

PS
I do not know if you belief in faith but if you do just know that *it is a LOT better to have faith in God to help your fears and situation than depending only on mankind*.
Some things need help from a power greater than we are.

Philippians 4:8
Isaiah 41:10
Hebrews 11:6
Psalm 91:14
1 Peter 5:7


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## daisygirl 41

Mr Blunt, just to clarify,



Mr Blunt said:


> Daisy
> So I am going to recap with a very brief summary to help me keep things straight:
> 
> 2011
> Your husband got into an EA with his co-worker over 2 years ago in 2011
> May 2011
> 
> 2013 January
> You and he stayed in contact but t he moved out and into his own apartment around Jan 2013 and the affair turned physical
> He moved out in Dec 2011
> The A became physical in March 2012[. I know this because we have discussed it and during our R and everything he tells me about it adds up. The day after he slept with her, he came to my house and creid like a baby, i knew something had changed that day./COLOR]
> 2013-March
> You husband finally broke away from his trap in March 2013
> March 2012 - The A was exposed and was over by the end of March 2012
> 
> 
> 2013 March- May 2013
> Your husband has been doing just about everything a real remorseful Husband can do to make a successful R
> We have been in R since end of March 2012. So thats just over a year now.
> 
> Currently May 2013 you are having hard anxiety attacks weekly
> 
> I know its difficult to keep track of the time line so i have set it out again for you here.
> Thank you so much for responding. I am in work at the moment but will take my time to read your post thoroughly when i am home later and will reply apropriately.


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## Mr Blunt

> 2013-March
> You husband finally broke away from his trap in March 2013March 2012 - The A was exposed and was over by the end of March 2012
> 
> 
> 2013 March- May 2013
> Your husband has been doing just about everything a real remorseful Husband can do to make a successful R
> We have been in R since end of March 2012. So thats just over a year now.


*Thank you Daisy for the corrections above. They are even more positive than I had thought!* 


I hope that gives you more reasons to concentrate on the positives so that you can start to blot out the past. I know that it is very difficult but I think that you can really help your situation by reviewing what your husband has done for many months and the other facts that I posted in my last post. In fact I am going to repost again some of the facts that you told us. I know I may sound like a parrot but I think this may be important to you to be reminded of the positives.




> Quotes of Daisy
> APRIL 2012
> My H is being very humble at the moment. He can't do enough for me
> He is humble and is embarrassed by his actions. He is doing all the heavy lifting.
> 
> March 2012
> H has changed. This whole experience has really changed him for the better
> 
> 
> He is totally transparent with his phone etc. he also has a tracking device on his iPhone. Theses things he has offered up willingly
> 
> 
> There are absolutely no signs that anything is going on now, and boy do I know the signs. He has totally recommitted, he is loving, attentive and transparent. But it absolutely kills me to know she is still in work there with him
> 
> 
> He says he feels nothing for her, blanks it out, just gets on with work! Can you really do that?? Really?
> *Men Can HELL YES!!!*
> 
> I knew when something was wrong before, I knew when he was withdrawing from me and he has sworn a total recommitment to me and our family. He knows I will not fight for him again.
> 
> I think we have become more aware of each others needs in the last 12 months than we did in the previous 19 years together.


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## daisygirl 41

Mr Blunt
Thankyou so much for your support.
You have really helped me get through a very difficult week.
I felt the clouds lifting yesterday and we had a very positive day.
It is so much easier to focus on the negatives than the positives, why is that I wonder?
Amongst all the sadness and heartbreak I still have so much to be grateful for in this life and I need to remember that.
God bless you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

daisygirl 41 said:


> It is so much easier to focus on the negatives than the positives, why is that I wonder?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is so true!! I find myself in negativeland more times than I would like and have to really make an effort to count my blessings. When I do look at the positives everything else falls into place for the better.

My hope hopes and prayers are with you!


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## daisygirl 41

So we are in a much better place since my last post.
The summer break helped us to reconnect and I'm feeling very positive.


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## PlatinumGirl

Oh Daisy! that's awesome. I pray that it will continue to progress beautifully.


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## daisygirl 41

PlatinumGirl said:


> Oh Daisy! that's awesome. I pray that it will continue to progress beautifully.


Thankyou.

We have just booked a weekend away in London for our 20th anniversary in October. We are both really looking forward to it.
We got engaged in London when I was living there. It's going to be fun.


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