# When a Cheater should worry



## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

When? the moment they realize the BS no longer checks up on them, doesn't ask questions anymore(tired of the same old answers), quits digging for any new information.
It's not that they are starting to trust you now it's that they have finally given up and just don't care if you check in, and where you are at.
It's not that they have finally gotten over it, well they are over something and that is you.
When they nod their head as you try to tell them where you have been it's not an everything is o.k. it's a yeah whatever.

Start to worry because they are planning your exit, and you deserve it.


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## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

love=pain said:


> When? the moment they realize the BS no longer checks up on them, doesn't ask questions anymore(tired of the same old answers), quits digging for any new information.
> It's not that they are starting to trust you now it's that they have finally given up and just don't care if you check in, and where you are at.
> It's not that they have finally gotten over it, well they are over something and that is you.
> When they nod their head as you try to tell them where you have been it's not an everything is o.k. it's a yeah whatever.
> ...


Ha Ha


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

love=pain said:


> When? the moment they realize the BS no longer checks up on them, doesn't ask questions anymore(tired of the same old answers), quits digging for any new information.
> It's not that they are starting to trust you now it's that they have finally given up and just don't care if you check in, and where you are at.
> It's not that they have finally gotten over it, well they are over something and that is you.
> When they nod their head as you try to tell them where you have been it's not an everything is o.k. it's a yeah whatever.
> ...


Either that or they should be worried that their BS is going in to detective mode while they're playing it cool.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Ya know, as one who was married to a serial betrayer and seen immense and severe collateral damage, I wonder if this is an appropriate thread. 

No disrespect intended, but it seems rather counter productive for the good of the community.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

Ive found myself in that position recently. 

I stopped checking so often, and rarely do it anymore because I don't want to. It's not worth the trouble tbh. 

I mean why even be with someone you need to check on? That's silly. They wanna be single then go be single. *shrugs* 


For me, my FWS made me spend so much time verifying her story and details that I simply got burned out on the whole thing. Unfortunately because that is the basis for a relationship going forward it sort of undermines it all. 

They think "oh things are so great, they aren't angry anymore. It's been bliss and this is how it always should be!" Reality? I stopped bringing it up and talking about it because you made me tired of it lol. You trickle truth you burn their desire. Only so many times will someone reach into the fire and get burned before deciding whatever is in the fire isn't worth the pain.

I stopped asking, not because I got all the answers, but because I don't care what the answers are.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> Ya know, as one who was married to a serial betrayer and seen immense and severe collateral damage, I wonder if this is an appropriate thread.
> 
> No disrespect intended, but it seems rather counter productive for the good of the community.


I think I understand this view. It is probably TMI for the WS, and possibly not always true.

The flip side is that it is part of the last stage of grieving; acceptence. You can move forward when you finally accept who they are, what they are capable of doing, and that they indeed did it.

It is a natual "180." It amazed me when I let go, and it caused a severe clinginess in my exWW.

It is very interesting to read threads started by the WS when they are wondering what to do when the BS finally lets it all go.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> Ya know, as one who was married to a serial betrayer and seen immense and severe collateral damage, I wonder if this is an appropriate thread.
> 
> No disrespect intended, but it seems rather counter productive for the good of the community.


I don't think so. It's valid, and often true. 

Besides, there ain't a damn thing "appropriate" about infidelity.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Lovemytruck said:


> I think I understand this view. It is probably TMI for the WS, and possibly not always true.
> 
> The flip side is that it is part of the last stage of grieving; acceptence. You can move forward when you finally accept who they are, what they are capable of doing, and that they indeed did it.
> 
> ...


A natural 180 - excellent analogy. Amazing what that does to a WS. I did the 180 before I knew what it was - and I continue to do it. What has it done? Cranked up the attraction in my stbxw for me.

Oh, the irony.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

love=pain said:


> When? the moment they realize the BS no longer checks up on them, doesn't ask questions anymore(tired of the same old answers), quits digging for any new information.
> It's not that they are starting to trust you now it's that they have finally given up and just don't care if you check in, and where you are at.
> It's not that they have finally gotten over it, well they are over something and that is you.
> When they nod their head as you try to tell them where you have been it's not an everything is o.k. it's a yeah whatever.
> ...


I think this is an interesting and natural point. I think I agree with it. There's a tipping point.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> Ya know, as one who was married to a serial betrayer and seen immense and severe collateral damage, I wonder if this is an appropriate thread.
> 
> No disrespect intended, but it seems rather counter productive for the good of the community.


Well this is the coping with infidelity forum and this is just another facet of that. After all I am not interested in nor do I care if any cheaters get their feelings hurt you know why. THEY DESERVE IT!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

When they realise things will never ever really be the same again.

They can be OK, good even, but never exactly the same as they were before.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

love=pain said:


> When? the moment they realize the BS no longer checks up on them, doesn't ask questions anymore(tired of the same old answers), quits digging for any new information.
> It's not that they are starting to trust you now it's that they have finally given up and just don't care if you check in, and where you are at.
> It's not that they have finally gotten over it, well they are over something and that is you.
> When they nod their head as you try to tell them where you have been it's not an everything is o.k. it's a yeah whatever.
> ...


You could change the context and replace it with anything cheating isn't exclusive here: Gambling, Drinking, Drugs, all can be deal breakers at some point imo.

Not to play devils advocate how do you know the cheater didn't compartmentalize his/her whole life and have the "What ifs" already calculated? 

I know some people truly cheat and get caught up in the moment. I think others know 100% what they are doing and are totally in control before, during, and after the affairs! These people may have already planned for the impending divorce anyway.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

tbh this is the end of love between two people isn't it, when one has indifference it's the road to the end.

I've always thought 'indifference' its the first serious real nail in loves coffin!


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Whatever.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

I don't think a cheater gives a damn. If they're cheating, they already checked out. They're too deep in their fog to worry or even notice the changes.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Hortensia said:


> I don't think a cheater gives a damn. If they're cheating, they already checked out. They're too deep in their fog to worry or even notice the changes.


It depends on what kind of cheating that they are doing.


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## FLGator (Mar 26, 2013)

Ya, if they didn't give a damn, they wouldn't pile on lie after lie still to cover it up. 

Sure fog may not let them see it or the change of attitude, but when they get home one day, and the dog and TV is gone, they will get it. That's for sure. 

Wish sometimes I had the balls to do that, just walk away.


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