# Husband doesn't get erection right away



## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

Hi everyone. I'm a stalker on this site but don't post much. I learn so much by hearing other stories. It helps make me be a better wife. 
I just wanted advice or feed back.
My husband is 33 and I'm 27. We've been together 3 years. This is both our second marriage. We have an amazing active sex life. However the other night he was giving me oral and four play for a while and he never got an erection. This happens often. I can get him hard by playing with him. I just can't help but worry he's not aroused me. Is this common or other men? My ex used to get an erection from hugging me so this is new for me. Sometimes my hubby gets an erection from little things too so I don't know why seeing me nude and being sexual wouldn't start one

Thanks for talks input
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

I'd say that's pretty normal. I'm 40 and I can get an erection from hugging my wife. I certainly get one from going down on her or touching her. BUT it will go away pretty quickly, within a couple of minutes, if I'm not getting some kind of stimulation as well. Maybe this is what's happening to him?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

This is COMPLETELY normal. It is very common to need touch stimulation for men after 30 years of age. You have NOTHING to worry about.

He is excited by you just fine. 

Also, I am 53 and can get an erection without help. However, I put so much pressure on myself to perform that even with Viagra, porn and a naked wife, I still might need physical stimulation. Sometimes we men put a BUNCH of pressure on ourselves to be the very best we can be that Mr. softy might need a little help.

It's not how he starts that matters anyway, it's how he finishes


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

Do you think he doesn't get one when he goes down on me because he doesn't like it? He didn't go down on me for the 1.5 we were together. It took a lot of arguements. I feel like I repulse him
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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Mrs. Rodriguez said:


> Do you think he doesn't get one when he goes down on me because he doesn't like it? He didn't go down on me for the 1.5 we were together. It took a lot of arguements. I feel like I repulse him
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. Some men just need physical stimulation. Do 69 and see what happens :grin2:


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

UMP said:


> This is COMPLETELY normal. It is very common to need touch stimulation for men after 30 years of age. You have NOTHING to worry about.
> 
> He is excited by you just fine.
> 
> ...


Ok whew!!! This makes me feel SO much better. Just what I needed. I just needed to hear it from some one else!! Such s relief
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It's normal. Many men need some stimulation to get aroused, and that tends to be increasingly true as they age. Women sometimes think that men are always "on" - it's a myth.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Mrs. Rodriguez said:


> Ok whew!!! This makes me feel SO much better. Just what I needed. I just needed to hear it from some one else!! Such s relief
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Also, Don't talk to him about it and ask "what's wrong?"
Act like it's completely normal and tell him, "Oh, I get to make him rock hard, I love seeing the transformation."

This will take the pressure off and he'll just relax.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Yup, normal. I married young and the few guys I was with prior (or even not with, just kissing) would get erect without any physical stimulation but my exH couldn't - he was 32. I also thought I wasn't turning him on only to learn that changes as men get older.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Have you read the thread *BF Erection Issues?*

The guys there have explained what your hubby is going through very well. Excellent info on what to check for and fix in regards to healthy habits of fitness, sleeping, eating and drinking.

Bibi


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I both experienced and read in many other forums that erections often come and go while men sustain high levels of arousal. So the presence or absence of an erection is not a sure way to gage your husbands level of enjoyment. 

It also happens that I can get an erection with only mild stimulation when I am not even really aroused. 

According to Eddie Murphy in the film "RAW," all men should have d1ck control by the time we are 18, but it is not true. That thing has a mind all of its own!


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Mrs. Rodriguez said:


> Do you think he doesn't get one when he goes down on me because he doesn't like it? He didn't go down on me for the 1.5 we were together. It took a lot of arguements. I feel like I repulse him
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No idea about your hubby but speaking personally - I like doing it just fine but it is the one activity that is pretty much guaranteed to make the boner go away with a naked women in the room. I'm concentrating on her and what she needs, blood flow diverted to the brain .


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

UMP said:


> Also, Don't talk to him about it and ask "what's wrong?"
> Act like it's completely normal and tell him, "Oh, I get to make him rock hard, I love seeing the transformation."
> 
> This will take the pressure off and he'll just relax.


That's such a good way of looking at it! I think I made him feel bad which adds more pressure and anxiety on him and I shouldn't have
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
The #1 cause of erection issues is worrying about erection issues. (seriously)


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

You guys have helped so much! Thank you for your time and advice and reassurance. I feel so much better!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I agree with the rest that this is quite common. Why do you think Viagra is such a big seller?


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## rich84 (Mar 30, 2015)

anonmd said:


> No idea about your hubby but speaking personally - I like doing it just fine but it is the one activity that is pretty much guaranteed to make the boner go away with a naked women in the room. I'm concentrating on her and what she needs, blood flow diverted to the brain .



Yep, I LOVE going down on my wife and find it very arousing, but I will lose some hardness as we go along unless there is some stimulation. Like Anon said, I'm focused on her pleasure and not on my own (besides enjoying the heck out of my activities). Sometimes she will rub her leg against it when I'm working on her and the combo of the minimal stimulation and what I'm doing will get me rock hard. So I think stimulation is the key.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

Like others mentioned, men need the stimulation after 30. The other thing, that I believe Bad Santa mentioned, is that arousal can come in waves. I learned this when I was reading up on tantric massage (yoni and lingam). I remember it said don't worry about the erection coming and going. Just focus on the experience and pleasure.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I am VERY sexually experienced, and being hugely aroused during foreplay can be problematic....

It pushes me to want to move on to PIV faster than we both want....

I can actually sort of put the arousal center of my brain on hold till it is time for the final act, then my erection pops up and we move on to completion....

I am never NOT aroused by her, I just put my arousal on the back burner......


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

Mrs. Rodriguez said:


> You guys have helped so much! Thank you for your time and advice and reassurance. I feel so much better!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did this ever resolve itself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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