# Whether to leave or to stay



## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

I am an Indian woman married for 7 years with a 5 year old son. I left my job when I conceived and I am full time mommy ever since. Problem is my husband and I are staying in the marriage because of our son. We have nothing in common, he hates me. Earlier we used to stay with his parents. However my MIL was very possessive of her son and created misunderstanding. Since it is an arranged marriage, he believed his mother and started hating me, Now we are staying separately but he blames me for his separation with this parents and is least interested in me. she still does planning and plotting and tries her best to fill his mind against me. I don't even remember when was the last time we had sex.
I am not earning and am totally dependent on him financially. Evn if I start earning after a gap of 5 years, I will not get a good paying job. I am staying in the marriage for a better and secure future of my son. My husband earns well and loves our son. So we are sticking to the marriage. We don't talk much. He comes home late and leaves early. HE has a drinking problem and is least bothered about me, my feelings and whatever I say.
However, it is completely lonely. I cannot share my feelings with anybody, not even my parents as they will feel bad for me and get sad. How do I cope up with all this? I am very emotional and can't stay happy in such a scenario.What do I do?


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## plasmasunn (Apr 3, 2013)

Wow, I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

Firstly...is your family in India? I'm not sure about the social/legal aspects of your situation if you are outside of the US...

Secondly...if you are in India or the area, how do people get out of arranged marriages? (I'm honestly curious here, I know nothing about that tradition.)

My basic advice, though...you say you can't even talk to your parents because they will feel bad for you. That's EXACTLY why you should talk to your parents! If you want out so badly, will they help you?


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

Yes, I am in India.
Legally - in order to get out of an arranged marriage, u go through law and the woman gets some part of husband money as alimony which is usually very less (most of the times insufficient for better living)
Socially - its worse. all of a sudden everybody becomes judgemental and the woman has to bear the heat more than a man. she is considered approachable and it becomes difficult for her to survive specially in case where she is not financially independent.

I tried to talk to my parents and they feel since the father is attached to his son, there is some hope. So adjust according to the circumstances and one day everything will be fine  parents - u can't blame them.


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