# I am devastated.



## california3 (Sep 22, 2014)

I'm just needing to write out my thoughts, because the anxiety is killing me. If this is too long for you to read, I'm sorry, and thanks in advance to anyone who cares to read the entire thing and send me some insight or support. I'd appreciate it very much, because at the moment I'm extremely confused, and I don't know what to do with myself.

So my wife and I got engaged back in April when we decided to take our relationship to the next level. I love her to pieces, and I have from the very beginning. After dating for a while, we got engaged, and everyone was so happy for us. However, there's a detail about her, and that's that she has a severe drinking problem. She drinks those boxes of wine, and she'll go through a box in two days easily. Her family has a history of alcoholism, and it's a subject that has been very reactive before. How her family chooses to pay a blind eye to her condition is something that confuses me, though I'm not exactly sure they know the extent of her problem.

Ever since we got together, I tried to put the pieces together, and tried to identify the root cause of her drinking. Mind you, I have no experience with substance abuse first hand, so excuse me if my methods were naive. When she tried to get a raise the week after our engagement and was declined, she went on a severe bender. I thought I put the pieces together, and thought that her job was the root cause of her unhappiness. Coupled with the fact that her proposal for a raise was declined, along with the fact that we were now engaged, we discussed her quitting her job in great detail. My objective here was to absorb her responsibilities as she found clarity on her own, and that was that.

I was wrong. She quits her job, and I figured that since we're already planning a wedding, we may as well get the legal formality out of the way and get married at the courthouse. We did so, in secret, and the moment we said our vows was the happiest moment of my life. I now had a wife, someone besides myself to care for and to consider, and we would grow old together.

Now a little about me, I was essentially working two jobs at once. To make things easier, we'll call them Company A and B. Company A leased me out to Company B in an advisory role to advance their systems in our line of work. Company A is a massive company you know, and Company B isn't even a blip on the radar, so even though we were helping the competition in principle, Company B was paying a steep price for my services to my company. They would also provide me with an income, so I had two forms of income, both of which were livable. I went ahead and had my make from Company A go into an investment account, and Company B would be what I would live off of.

Now my bills are minimal. I pay my car, and that's it. My cell phone and car insurance are both paid for. My wife's bills are plentiful, and her debts are considerable. They're also very bottom heavy, in that they all land at the end of every month. Considering that she quit her job at the end of the month, I was thrust with $3500 in bills immediately. That essentially did a number to my account, but since Company B pays me weekly, it wasn't that big of a deal. However, she got an unexpected severance pay of $3000 from her company, and instead of putting that into our account, she kept it in hers and used it to pay outstanding credit cards, rather than the live bills. I was annoyed, but what could I do?

Moving forth, come June, her cousin invited her to Vegas for her birthday party. She went from "thinking about going" to it being a MUST GO TO event as time went on. Her parents put pressure on me to send her, and that trip was not cheap. My project profits from work came and went as fast as they could possibly go. To make matters worse, business got slow at Company B immediately after her trip to Vegas, so the money got tight fast. Eventually it'd pick back up again, but July in itself was a rough month.

After a dispute between the manager and I at company B, I had company A sever my contract with them, because those projects I worked on for them were supposed to have bonuses that would otherwise double my make in case they were successful (which they all were). The bonuses were unpaid, and along with the manager's attitude, I had enough. In my exit interview, I demanded 2 weeks of pay and my bonuses, both of which were agreed to. I needed those, because they would equal out to over a month's worth of pay, which would be perfect as I got my pay in order from Company A to go back into my casual checking account, rather than the investment account. Except they didn't pay me out like they promised.

So I could just pull money at a heavy penalty from my investment account, right? Yeah, but not as much as I would've wanted. Now I'm stuck, because I can't transfer money, I can't get paid directly by Company A for another two pay cycles, and Company B just screwed me. So it was officially time to get a short term loan from my parents, but my wife jumped the gun without my say so and got her parents involved, in which they gave her money, but they made it hard on her (I know that they weren't very kind about it). Because of that, she kicked me out of the apartment, and told me that she's hired a divorce lawyer.

All for what, $5000? I could pay that back in full when I get my first check next month, and still have leftover to pay the bills! Her parents that loved me, and thought I was the first normal guy she ever dated? They turned on me quick, because they're the ones that got her the lawyer in the first place. I've been staying at a friends house for the entire weekend, and I got about $1500 in my bank right now. At this point, I really don't know what to do, because I don't understand how everything escalated so fast, and why. So this right here is why my marriage is ending, what I will write now are supplemental thoughts that will better highlight what I've endured.

From the moment that we got married, everything stopped. Intimacy stopped. Time spent together stopped. Going to bed together stopped. Everything. What increased was the drinking, the fighting, and now verbal abuse was added to the mix. Respect went out the window, and then things got violent. 

Now as I made my decision about Company B, I had money for the bills until the payout (that never happened) was to happen. However, I stopped trusting Company B, so I had to be careful about the money that I had at the time, in case these guys were to try and **** me over. What does she do? Her friends mom died, and her friend felt like partying. So my wife goes to Costco and blows $400 on a pool party, buying beer, towels, food, and all sorts of other favors. Unfortunately, I didn't find this out until 3am, so I try and wake her up so we can talk about returning it. She's 10 feet away and starts shouting, then making gagging sounds, screaming at me to stop attacking (physically) her. 

I left her passed out drunk on the couch, and I grabbed everything that wouldn't spoil and took it to my room so that I could return it myself the next morning. She comes in the room trying to be nice about something, and when I don't reciprocate, she dumps her water bottle all over me and the bed. So I get up, and I simply lock the door and go back to sleep. She finds out later on that I had everything from Costco, and she begins to kick the door until she kicks it down... destroying it. This was in an apartment, that at the time, we had been living there for 10 days. When she gets in, I grab the case of beer, and she punches me in the face. She grabs one end of it, and the box rips open and the beers all go to hell. The cops were called on us, which at first they were naturally aggressive with me, until I clarified that she punched me, kicked the door down, and caused the beer to spill. I didn't press charges over the punch. This in itself was what I still feel was our darkest moment to date, yet this money fluke is what broke us. I left for the weekend, and two days later she was asking me to come back home.

I've tried my hardest at making this work in the most honest way possible. I misread her reason for drinking, and even then, I never quit on her. I've endured her abuse on many levels, and have otherwise given her anything she's needed while she got on a backward schedule and started going to bed at 8am and waking up at 5pm, never looking for a job. I upgraded her 1 bedroom apartment into a town home, despite that I travel for a living and we didn't need the extra space. When her family visited for a week, she didn't have any money to host them, and I made sure that they had a great time at my literal expense. We weren't married at that time. Vegas was about $3000, and she didn't even have a good time at the very least. The saying is very true, you can't buy love. My job at Company B was rough, there was a lot of hard work, and a lot of travel involved. Even at that sacrifice, I was never appreciated. And now that the times got rough momentarily, everyone flips on me. I never asked her to get help from her parents, and now the judgment has been cast on their behalf, and no one gives a cares about me anymore.

On Friday, we argued much of the day as a result of her parents attitude toward helping her out with her bills. We made amends prior to going to sleep, and we agreed to give it a good shot before things escalated any more. By the time I called on Saturday, she was aggressive all over again, and told me not to contact her anymore unless it was through her lawyer. She threatened me with a restraining order, despite that I haven't made any attempts to reach her in person, nor have my calls/texts been excessive.

Today, the mudslinging began. Her family started to delete me on Facebook, and the more pragmatic ones sent me messages that implied that I was inflicting some form of harm on my wife, which isn't true, unless you count limiting the supply of wine, and trying to be careful about our spending in recent times a form of abuse. 

I've never felt so small before, so lost, confused and helpless. I know where I went wrong with myself, I just don't know where I went wrong in the relationship. I gave it my very best, and I feel like I'm going to leave this emptyhanded. I love my wife very much, and I care about her well-being more than I care about my own. I don't pretend to change her into a different person, but she has so much potential for self-improvement. Saving the marriage isn't something I seek to do, since saving it is ignoring this problem just for the sake of having the title of being married. I want to restore our marriage, as to how our relationship used to be before things got like this. I feel like this entire episode has gotten too big for me, too exposed, and too many people are making decisions on our lives. I'm entirely broken.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Divorce this crazy b*tch and don't look back. Cut her out of your life like a cancer and move on.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Get out now, and consider yourself lucky. How long did you date before getting engaged? How old are you two?

And consider counseling to see what your part in this fiasco is. Not standing up for yourself, being a "white knight", etc. Also, read "no more Mr. nice guy" and "married man's sex life primer". 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

This woman, and her entire family, are toxic.

Not to mention she is a drunk (her family are all likely drunks too and that's why no one calls her out on drinking a BOX of wine every two days).

She is crazy; be thankful you don't have children, have been married such a short time you will not have to pay her spousal support.

You also need to get into counseling to learn why you are so codependent on such an unhealthy relationship and an abusive partner.

Run for the hills as fast as you can and never look back.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> This woman, and her entire family, are toxic.
> 
> Not to mention she is a drunk (her family are all likely drunks too and that's why no one calls her out on drinking a BOX of wine every two days).
> 
> ...


This^^^
:iagree::iagree:


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Devastated??? Really? C'mon now. Go back up and re-read your own writing, pretending as if someone else had written this post, and you just stumbled upon it -- what would you tell them?

You'd tell them the same things everyone above writes -- RUN FAST, get far away as quickly as you can, thank your lucky stars you are escaping this psycho-biotch, and learn learn learn from the mistake of how you pick a woman, how you see a woman, and set yourself on a path to learn how to make them see you entirely differently than this one clearly has (ie, as a paycheck and nothing more).

Your post reads borderline almost like a made-up fictitious story of how to be a doormat non-appreciated worse-than-beta Mr. Nice Guy... the only thing it's missing is her blatantly cheating on you right in front of your face and laughing about it when you "ask" her what she's doing and why.

Not only do you toss her out, but you then take all that same effort you put into stupidly trying to make her see the light, and put it into yourself -- to both see the light (Ultra-Nice Guys finish last after getting walked all over; your self-worth is more than how much money you shower onto a woman; learn not to need someone, just want them to be with you like you want to be with them, etc. etc. etc.), and to DO something about it from here forward.

Search here at TAM and read about (F*cking) Nice Guys, or FNG's (I was one, cost me 2 marriages), Beta males vs. Alpha males (I was Alpha, and let marriage turn me Beta -- never again), and the MMSLP (Married Man's Sex Life Primer, for married OR single men). All are sorely needed for you.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Holy crap. 

You are one luck dude to have this happen now rather than 10-15 years, and 3 kids, later. 

Cut your losses and get back on track. Find a woman that loves you for you and not what you can do for her.


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## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

You seem to be baffled by her behavior. She's a taker. You're a giver. Thats the roles. 

Don't try to make sense of why she's unappreciative. Just be prepared to give - until you're done giving. And be prepared to get the daylights beaten out of you when you stop. 

You did not press charges- okay. But that was an opportunity to document abuse, and you did not take it. 

She does not sound like an alcoholic who has bad behavior when she drinks. She sounds like a bad person who happens to be an alcoholic.


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## california3 (Sep 22, 2014)

IcePrincess28 said:


> You seem to be baffled by her behavior. She's a taker. You're a giver. Thats the roles.
> 
> Don't try to make sense of why she's unappreciative. Just be prepared to give - until you're done giving. And be prepared to get the daylights beaten out of you when you stop.
> 
> ...


Finally, a real response. I appreciate the others, but this is one that that makes most sense.

I AM confused by her behavior, because the Law of Celebrity doesn't apply here. That's when someone's been crazy for so long, that anything they do ceases to surprise you. She's had her ups and downs, and for the most part put in effort into the relationship, but once we got married, everything came to a screeching halt.

Intimacy went out the window, as did spending time together. Of course, we didn't go to bed at the same time, and we didn't wake up together either. One curious moment was when the World Cup started, her (girl) cousin and I started talking and laughing at the memes that would arise because of it. We became friends, and we got close because she liked my brother. However, we're across the entire country in distance, and neither of us came close to crossing the line in any way whatsoever. My wife then accuses me of "emotional cheating", and berates me for not talking to her while I'm at work, like I used to. Point is, the effort never stopped on my behalf, but I wouldn't start a conversation with someone while they're sleeping until 2pm. That's not because I was being distant, but because I was being accommodating.

The whole Alpha/Beta thing others have brought up here doesn't really apply, because I haven't been a saint either. I've played ball when it comes to arguing, and making mistakes when it comes to the arguing. However, I do not cheat on her, nor do I hit her, or otherwise behave in a negligent manner. If she could focus her complaint into one thing, it would be that I was controlling. Not controlling in the classic sense where I don't even let her speak to people or force her to wear things that I find acceptable, but trying to get her to not make mistakes. She's extremely naive and way too trusting of people, all who have taken advantage of her in moderate to severe ways. Her drinking is scary, because her memory will lapse, and she can get to the point where she blacks out. Her friends are extremely bad influences, in that they're essentially people that would put Maury contestants to shame, all while enabling her drinking, and trying to use her in other ways.

We're the same to the core, in that we have similar values, our families are still intact, we're the same age, and we grew up in the same city. However, we're very different on an extended level, in which I'm a professional, and her earlier mistakes have prevented her from ever doing anything in life. I don't compare my education or my career to her lack of either, but the bottom line is that our visions for the future are different. She thinks she'll live to be an old woman with a love for alcohol, and mine involved a family, and carefully chosen friends. I know who I surround myself with, who is a risk, and who is better off rotting away on my Facebook feed. She has the potential of being a good person, because she was one, once upon a time. But she can improve, if she can let go of the toxic things in her life, and realize that life is catching up to her fast. We're in our 30's, not our 20's, and I feel that time is of the essence.

But that's all wishful thinking, since right now, she's playing hardball and refuses to speak to me. I'm doing my best to be on my best behavior, so I don't call, text, or make an attempt to get my belongings. I really don't know how she manages to survive from here on out, given the lack of family support, and without the funds to do so, even in a worst case scenario. She's burning valuable time, because with each passing day, I accept reality a little more, and it'll be harder for me to come back.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Just because you haven't been a saint doesn't mean you've enforced any boundaries. Like with her drinking, her spending, her abuse, her employment...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

You can reiterate through your naive stories of how she's not all that bad and how you're not all that great all you want, but there's enough wisdom around here to know what kind of a woman that psycho b1tch wife of yours is and what a 'fixer' you have grown up to be (thanks to your parents). Your case is not special. It's just another case of an abusive 'taker' attempting to bring on slow death upon a naive 'fixer/rescuer'. Many people here have lived your life in one form or another and they all end up regretting not cutting the ties sooner than they did.

If you don't cut your losses now by quickly divorcing this crazy abusive woman, you will live a lifetime of regrets and lost wealth.

Read the following link. This is you to the T:
DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

california3 said:


> Finally, a real response. I appreciate the others, but this is one that that makes most sense.


She's new. Give her time.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

california3 said:


> She's had her ups and downs, and for the most part put in effort into the relationship, but once we got married, everything came to a screeching halt.


California, I agree with Synthetic, PBear, and the other respondents. Moreover, I am concerned that the behaviors you describe -- i.e., the verbal abuse, physical abuse, rapid flips between Jekyll and Hyde, intimacy going off a cliff right after the marriage, irrational jealousy (over your writing her cousin), and vindictiveness -- are some of the classic traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Of course, you are not capable of determining whether your W satisfies 100% of the diagnostic criteria for having a full-blown disorder. Only a professional can do that.

You nonetheless are capable of spotting any red flags that occur if you take a little time to learn what to look for. The warning signs are not hard to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as physical abuse (hitting you and breaking down the apartment door) and rapid flips between adoring you and hating you. An important issue, I believe, is whether her dysfunctional behavior is caused by the alcoholism or, rather, whether those behavior problems and the alcoholism are both caused by strong traits of a personality disorder such as BPD.

I therefore suggest you take a look at my list of red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my post in Maybe's Thread. It that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care, California.


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## california3 (Sep 22, 2014)

Uptown said:


> California, I agree with Synthetic, PBear, and the other respondents. Moreover, I am concerned that the behaviors you describe -- i.e., the verbal abuse, physical abuse, rapid flips between Jekyll and Hyde, intimacy going off a cliff right after the marriage, irrational jealousy (over your writing her cousin), and vindictiveness -- are some of the classic traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Of course, you are not capable of determining whether your W satisfies 100% of the diagnostic criteria for having a full-blown disorder. Only a professional can do that.
> 
> You nonetheless are capable of spotting any red flags that occur if you take a little time to learn what to look for. The warning signs are not hard to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as physical abuse (hitting you and breaking down the apartment door) and rapid flips between adoring you and hating you. An important issue, I believe, is whether her dysfunctional behavior is caused by the alcoholism or, rather, whether those behavior problems and the alcoholism are both caused by strong traits of a personality disorder such as BPD.
> 
> I therefore suggest you take a look at my list of red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my post in Maybe's Thread. It that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care, California.


Thank you for your response. I checked out your list from the other thread, and a number of them were alarming:

_3. Irrational jealousy and controlling behavior that tries to isolate you away from close friends or family members;_

I'm extremely careful as to who I bring into our relationship, but I've been doing so since we got married. I just saw it as part of growing up even more, and since we're still in what's supposed to be our "honeymoon phase", my focus has been more on her than my friends. That may sound suffocating to some, but mind you, I travel for a living, so what's on my priority right now is my new wife and not my friends.

However, she doesn't like the time that I spend with my family. She finds me to be attached, when the word is close. I speak to my mother often, as I do with my dad (because we work in the same line of work), and my brothers are practically my best friends. It's not like I'm burning hours upon hours on the phone with them, but I'll come see them often for a little bit at a time.

_5. Flipping, on a dime, between adoring you and devaluing you -- making you feel like you're always walking on eggshells;_

I've had this before in a previous relationship, where I always felt like the relationship was a day to day thing. With my wife, this has been the one time it's ever actually felt over before. The flip in attitude does happen, but this is the first time our problems have been made public, making me feel like the countdown is on.

_6. Frequently creating drama over issues so minor that neither of you can recall what the fight was about two days later;_

The minor fights are always a result of some sort of paranoia that I'm lying to her about something. 

_8. Verbal abuse and anger that is easily triggered, in seconds, by a minor thing you say or do (real or imagined), resulting in temper tantrums that typically last several hours;_

This, except the temper usually lasts for minutes or so. Rarely ever hours, which again, is one reason why how all of this is unfolding is surprising to me.

_9. Fear of abandonment or being alone -- evident in her expecting you to “be there” for her on demand, making unrealistic demands for the amount of time spent together, or responding with intense anger to even brief separations or slight changes in plans;_

I travel, and there's no problem there. But if I would leave to cool off for the night, she'd go mental.

_10. Always being "The Victim," a false self image she validates by blaming you for every misfortune;_

This one is huge. With her previous relationship, she feels like she was wronged for being so innocent. With me, she's never in the wrong.

Today on Facebook, her ex's new girl sent me an email. But since she wasn't my friend, it went into my "Other" inbox, where it sat since July. The message was her letting me know that my wife was blowing up his phone, and wanted me to stop her. It's not a cheating thing, but just another example where she felt like a victim: Her ex's best friend does home remodeling, and her parents unknowingly almost hired him for a job they needed done at the house. My wife took great offense to that, as if it were done on purpose rather than being a hilarious coincidence. 

So I call her about it, and she turns it around on me, as if I willed the new girlfriend to send me an email. And as if this prompted a friendship. The wife was not wrong in what she did, I was wrong for getting emailed.

_11. Lack of impulse control, wherein she does reckless things without considering the consequences (e.g., binge eating or spending);_

The Costco thing happened when she got mad at me for being at my parents house, so I stayed there for longer than the 1 hour I planned on being there. After I had been home, I found out that she rage spent money that we didn't need to spend.

_16. Having many casual friends but not any close long-term friends (unless they live a long distance away);_

This one is also huge. All her friends are garbage casuals, but she doesn't have any close, long-term friends. All of her old friends sided with her ex, even after he left her for the new girl I mentioned earlier.

_18. Always convinced that her intense feelings accurately reflect reality -- to the point that she often "rewrites history" because she regards her own feelings as self-evident facts, despite her inability to support them with any hard evidence._

Again, a result of her victim complex.

What's truly confusing about all of this, is that she claims to have gone to therapy as a result of her previous relationship ending in disaster. Except I think any therapist in the world would be able to sniff out her signs, maybe within one session. So either the therapist is a fiction of her imagination, or he/she is the worst shrink of all time.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Ok so you're not a Beta male. Just a doormat?

Just let us know when you get enough courage to go "get your belongings back" or decide you actually mean it you talk about not coming back. 

And I think you're not at all the same at your core. She's a taker, you're a giver. Fundamentally different.

I AM sorry you're here in this position, and not trying to p*ss you off... But I do also think you're not seeing it for what it is, if you have described things fully and accurately. 

When she does wake up, look around, and realize she's broke and pulls a nice girl act for a few days, and you do "come back" (and you will; you're even now letting her decide what will or won't be, hoping and waiting for her to be nice to you), how long till it starts up again with a familiar refrain? At that point, i'd have little sympathy because here,s your chance to run and you're not taking it nor the advice to see it for what it is. She must be some piece of ***... hope it's worth it.


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## california3 (Sep 22, 2014)

2xloser said:


> Ok so you're not a Beta male. Just a doormat?
> 
> Just let us know when you get enough courage to go "get your belongings back" or decide you actually mean it you talk about not coming back.
> 
> ...


I'm simply trying to contain it from becoming an even bigger mess. She told me to contact her lawyer today, which I haven't even been contacted by yet, btw. She gave me a name, and I googled him, and it turns out that he's a lawyer for business that I've actually had contact with in the past through work for employee disputes. Her credibility is sinking here, and I'm calling her bluff. Not that this exactly gives me hope or anything, because any chance of saving this would require severe efforts, but I digress.

She knows that I won't talk to my family about it, because she knows that I'll preserve her image. She knows that I won't expose her to her family. She knows that if I contact the apartment complex to let them know that I'm no longer living there, then it will result in her eviction.

We've gone through worse. That time the cops showed up after she punched me in the face? That's when it truly felt like it was over to me. She called me the next day wondering when I was coming home. Her flip out that led to me opening an account on this message board? I know that it was money related, but we knew this was coming for the past couple of weeks, and she was supportive then. All of a sudden, she had a bad day, and I wasn't allowed in.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Did you read the link I gave you? Did you read Uptown's post? Did you bother finding out what Borderline Personality Disorder is?

Do you enjoy dying a slow death?


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Thank God there are no kids yet.

Cut your losses and leave.
She is running a script from her family of origin and you are caught right in the middle.
Marriage was the trigger.

Extract yourself from this and move along.
The nice person you thought you were marrying was just a fascade used to capture you. Now she is showing you her real self.

Run Forest...Run!


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

california3 said:


> Her friends mom died, and her friend felt like partying.


This is a rather unusual response to the loss of a close relative.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

lenzi said:


> This is a rather unusual response to the loss of a close relative.



Unless you're irish...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

RUN


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> RUN


Yes run

Next: The Fugitive, In Color - YouTube


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## billy baru (Sep 23, 2014)

tom67 said:


> Yes run


California. Get out now.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sorry man I'm not as polished as some of the other folk here....but with an old lady with that much disrespect has to be banging some other guy.

I would have bailed as soon as I stopped getting laid....but that's just me.

It was time to cut bait and bail a long time ago......

For what it's worth you got conned.....sorry!

Anyway....how much dough are you in for with this chick?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Friend. You have yourself to blame. Sorry if it hurts you but the fact is, you knew that she had a drinking problem and 99% of the time, it gets worse before it gets better. You knew this and still married her.

Second when she picks the fight and kicks the door down and hits you and the cops are called, what you should have done was had her ass thrown in jail. She has no right to hit you in any way shape or form and if the shoe was on the other foot and you hit her, you would be sitting in jail with the tag wife beater tattooed on your forehead. 

Stop playing games with her. She's a drunk and the only thing on her mind is that next glass of wine. Get a lawyer, file and be done with her. Let her drink herself in to oblivion.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

billy baru said:


> California. Get out now.


Seriously?!? OMFG, I hereby reiterate my previous advice...

RUN!!! GTFO!!!!!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If she has BPD, seeing a therapist and it not doing any good would not be unusual. If you look into this, BPD is very hard and takes a long time to treat. The outlook is not good either. At least that is what several threads here have indicated.

Talk to a therapist yourself and see if they think she is BPD. There is little chance things can get better.


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