# A brief introduction, and a thank you.



## pizzatech (Nov 27, 2010)

After lurking for about a week on these boards, and reading through the entirety of Athol's blog, I'd like to just thank you all for all the advice and posts that are up here. I wish I'd have known about it years ago. I'm determined to use some of this to improve my own marriage. I can see me spending much time on these boards in the future.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

Welcome to the forums


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

The asylum can always use more inmates.

Very glad that you have found some useful content.


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## pizzatech (Nov 27, 2010)

Thanks for the welcome, and yes, there's a ton of useful content here. I'm still wading through it all; but some of the threads detail situations remarkably similar to my own; pretty much the average tale of wife losing interest, and me doing the exact wrong thing by trying to 'talk' about it with her, and complaining to her about it, and probably appearing a little too needy.

The daft thing is, looking back, she's given some fairly strong hints as to what I was doing wrong, but for some reason, it didn't compute. Basically, I thought nice guy trumped everything else, and I'd been working hard to make myself into the nicest guy possible, and then wondering why she became more distant, both in and out of the bedroom. 

In a way, it's kind of like an epiphany, coupled with a head slap. i can see where I went wrong, and in hindsight, it seems so obvious now. Man up! lol.

So yeah; I've been working at it since I found this board, and whilst it's probably a little early to tell, it does seem to be paying out. 

I think the hardest part about this for me is that early in our relationship, before we were married, I was a complete a** for a few months, something that I still regret to this day, and the internal behaviour censor keeps reminding me of that every time I try deviating from the default 'nice guy'. It's difficult, but i like to think that I'm getting somewhere. 

For the statisticians; I'm in my late thirties, she's in her early thirties. We have two children, 8 & 11 and we've been together for about thirteen years, married for nine. oh, and I'm English, so the stiff upper lip is kind of a default over here, lol.

Once again, thanks.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Pizzatech, welcome. 

It is good to see you are already aware of several key points, first, the cause and effect of being too "nice guy" leading to sexless misery, that your woman will be your best guide once the man knows what to look for, and that "talking about it" is not helpful regarding sexual intimacy.

When I see these things already in place in your first few posts, as far as advice, not much to say at this time other than please continue share as you are comfortable, freely ask questions, and perhaps spend time reading some threads regarding "fitness tests", as these seem to have been beneficial to several men already. 

There are many, MANY other good men reading this forum, "lurking" as you put it, who will also benefit greatly by the privilege of reading the testimony of these changes in action.

So I hope as you continue your good work to remove the "nice guy" mask and reveal the good man underneath, and as your resentment diminishes and your sexual intimacy with your woman increases, that you continue to share as you are willing and able.


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## pizzatech (Nov 27, 2010)

Thanks BBW. Regarding the 'fitness test', this was a completely new concept to me; but on reading these threads, I've recognised in hindsight many times that I have been tested this way, and I didn't do very well with them.

Just the other week, I failed a big one; she made an unreasonable request that would've involved a 5 hour drive. I declined, thinking that I was standing up for myself, and then spoiled it when her face slipped to disappointment, and weakly started listing reasons why I didn't want to go. 

*headdesk*

This was of course before I understood the concept of the fitness test; now that I do, I'll be keeping an eye out for them. 

re: NLS, I see what you mean, reading advice for being more manly from a pink page seems kinda like getting vegetarian recipes from a butchers shop.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Welcome, pizzatech. I like how you're seriously thinking thru things, instead of just reacting. By all means, disengage from 24/7 nice guy, but don't become a jerk. I too, was a 24/7 nice guy, and things were "okay" between the W and I, and like you, I also sensed a little stagnation in our relationship. Fortunately, she is also a nice guy, if a woman can be one, and we compliment each other very well, but I decided to disengage a little bit, not be there "helping" all the time, and started working on me. I must say, things are doing great with us now.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

pizzatech said:


> Thanks BBW. Regarding the 'fitness test', this was a completely new concept to me; but on reading these threads, I've recognised in hindsight many times that I have been tested this way, and I didn't do very well with them.
> 
> Just the other week, I failed a big one; she made an unreasonable request that would've involved a 5 hour drive. I declined, thinking that I was standing up for myself, and then spoiled it when her face slipped to disappointment, and weakly started listing reasons why I didn't want to go.
> 
> ...


They come when you're least expecting them.


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## pizzatech (Nov 27, 2010)

Thanks, both Conrad & F102.

To be honest, the fact that this forum exists has been a help; that people like you are out there. Looking through these boards, I've seen a few threads that make my own concerns seem a little inconsequential. My own situation may be the start of something beautiful... or the beginning of the end, but it's early days yet.

I do apologise, this is a semi drunken post, and if any sort of coherence is lacking, then that is the reason, but with the alcohol, comes honesty and self reflection, and the old question of what am I really doing here.

<rant deleted>

I don't know. I want to make things better, but I'm tired of trying... and failing.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Tech,

Why not tell us some more about it?

Perhaps we can quit criticizing each other and actually help a bit.


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