# Caught Wife Sexting, is it cheating?



## Beachman

My wife and I have have had some issues the past two years. I know I have not been the model husband to her during this time but I have never done anything like showing my self to another person. 

One morning I woke up and found her sleeping in my recliner in my man cave with the music on her Iphone. I went to shut it off and found a text from a man that I never heard of on the front. It stated are you still up. I was able to get into her phone and found about 4 pictures of him showing himself to her and her reciprocating. When I dug deeper into her phone there were about 25 pictures that she had taken of herself in outfits and lingerie that I had bought her. There was about 150 text from that night. I went to my online account and looked and there were over 1000 texts and pictures sent back and forth. 

We have spoke about it and I am able to forgive her I think. There are issues that I have with this that I am not able to get past. There are also more issue with this. Does anybody have any suggestions? Thanks for any help that may be offered.


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## Hope1964

Head on over to the coping with infidelity forum and do a bunch of reading. I highly doubt she stopped at just sexting.

Cheating is whatever the two of you agreed on in your relationship. If you told her it was ok to send naked pics of herself to other men, then she didn't cheat. Obviously that isn't the case.

Here's a couple of links to get you started compliments of Almost Recovered. Many of the regulars over in CWI have good links in their signatures too.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...e-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...mmon-themes-coping-infidelity.html#post248031


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## Almostrecovered

put it this way, if you were doing that instead of her, do you think she would not call it cheating?

follow Hope's advice and follow our links and start reading in the CWI section, you're in for a pretty long stretch of stress


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## bandit.45

She is having an emotional affair at the very least.

Call the cell phone company and have her phone turned off if you are the one paying for it.


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## In_The_Wind

Hi Beachman sorry you are here I would define cheating as going outside of my marriage and seeking comfort in others rather emotional or physical excluding relatives, kids etc. that is how both my spouse and I would define it as others have mentioned if you and your spouse have defined it differently then you would need to maybe redefine if it is causing you issues or problems 

Good Luck


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## Gooch78

You have a chance to stop this, it must be stopped, if it goes further, then its over, surely, very difficult to go back, its starting as an emotional affair, but can go forward very fast. Whats her reason behind this?? Financial, emotional? or no sexual relationship? Talk to her about it, maybe she feels that excites you or something??


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## Kurosity

Cheating all the way. IMO, 1000 of text and pictures swapt sounds like a relationship to me. (same thing happened for me my H has sent and recived pictures) 

If you did that would she see it as cheating? WHo is this guy and how did they meet? Is texting their only form of communtication? Start digging there is so much more there has to be.


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## Beachman

Thanks for all the help. I had a hunch tonight based on the time she came home and deciding to go for a walk at 11 tonight that something was up. I checked the verizon records and there were two more texts to him. When I confronted her she gave me a hard time about it and then even a harder time reading them. Damn Iphone locks. She said she had to apologize to him. Apologize to him? I dont get it. After looking at them on her phone she was not lying to me. She said it was the right thing to do. Well we are at point now worse than we were 24 hours ago and everthing being my fault. I accepted part of the blame due to my lack of communication over the years but now I'm not. I have alot of reading to do to get my head on straight. Off to work now with no sleep, should make for an interesting day. I have a lot to do on my end.


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## Beachman

Kurosity said:


> Cheating all the way. IMO, 1000 of text and pictures swapt sounds like a relationship to me. (same thing happened for me my H has sent and recived pictures)
> 
> If you did that would she see it as cheating? WHo is this guy and how did they meet? Is texting their only form of communtication? Start digging there is so much more there has to be.


Based on everything I could find and stories from what I have heard on the night they met yes.


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## johnnycomelately

Don't let her convince you that this is your fault.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

johnnycomelately said:


> Don't let her convince you that this is your fault.


Absolutely correct! NONE of her cheating is YOUR fault!!!!!

She is to blame for her ruthless actions. If there was a problem with you before hand, she and you could of worked to fix it.


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## Toffer

She is 100% responsible for the cheating.

You can only be held responsible for some of the problems in the marriage itself


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## Jellybeans

Yes, it's cheating.

Suggestion: she ends all contact with him compltely and forever.

Who is this guy? Do you know him? If he's married, tell his wife. Without your wife knowing beforehand.


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## Kurosity

Yeah it is not your fault because no one can "make" another person cheat it is a choice and one made for selfish reasons.

Are you two talking this out? Has she disclosed everything? 
I would advise that there be NC and block his number.


I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I lost my mind when my H did a very simular thing. Hurt like hell.


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## Beachman

Jellybeans said:


> Yes, it's cheating.
> 
> Suggestion: she ends all contact with him compltely and forever.
> 
> Who is this guy? Do you know him? If he's married, tell his wife. Without your wife knowing beforehand.


He is not married just some one who was working for a band when she had a girls night out. After doing some further research Thanks verizon!!! They started texting on the first night they met. There was two texts at 1:00 and two more at 4:00 something tells me that they have met up or something. Will be calling her out on this tomorrow.


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## hisfac

Beachman said:


> He is not married just some one who was working for a band when she had a girls night out. After doing some further research Thanks verizon!!! They started texting on the first night they met. There was two texts at 1:00 and two more at 4:00 something tells me that they have met up or something. Will be calling her out on this tomorrow.


You need to learn to hold a few aces when you're dealt them.

You wouldn't be such a great detective, one clue and you'd be in the DAs office asking to press charges.

Build your case. The more you have the tougher it will be for her to deny.

Then again, I'll post my usual disclaimer. If it was me, I'd be gone, I wouldnt put up with any such behavior from a woman I was in a relationship with. She's made her choice, I don't play seconds to anyone. Your mileage may vary.

Either way confronting her about a few texts won't get you the answers you seek.


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## lordmayhem

Beachman said:


> Will be calling her out on this tomorrow.


Okay, its tomorrow. What happened?


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## unbelievable

Why get wrapped around definitions? Doesn't matter whether it's cheating or not. Whatever you call it, your wife's sexting is an activity that can't improve her marriage in the slightest. There are no villains in marriage. There are things that help and there are things that hurt. The things that help should be promoted and the things that hurt should be avoided. Instead of trying to figure out if you have been "cheated" on, figure out why your wife felt it was necessary to chat up other guys to feel good about herself. She's got a husband. She shouldn't need some other clown to tell her that she's desired, accepted, or cherished. He can't provide her with anything you don't have.


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## Beachman

lordmayhem said:


> Okay, its tomorrow. What happened?


She denied it stating she was home when they texted at 1 and that he just sent her 2 texts at 4 to let her know they were going. She didnt lie about anything that happened when she was caught so I guess I do have to believe her in this instance.


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## hisfac

Beachman said:


> She denied it stating she was home when they texted at 1 and that he just sent her 2 texts at 4 to let her know they were going. She didnt lie about anything that happened when she was caught so I guess I do have to believe her in this instance.


That's because you keep calling her out on the most scant little bits of evidence you come up with, it makes it very easy for her to not only cover her tracks but make lame excuses.

You know she lies, you just don't know what happens to be true and what is fiction. You aren't going to get any helpful answers from her no matter what questions you ask, you're going to have to find them yourself. Even when you do, she'll try to convince you otherwise.


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## RandomReward

Regardless of the quality of a relationship, the cheating is the cheaters fault. If this was my wife I wouldn't be able to trust her anymore. I would probably send her a pic of myself wearing nothing but the divorce papers.


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## Beachman

The stupid part was I was ok after what happened until an event on Monday to check my statement. Now there is not an ounce of trust. I don't understand her rational to apologize to to him. Now she is throwing everything that has happened to us over the past two years in my face. From what I have seen here this is typical. Now I know why she was intimate with me last weekend for the first time in months. It was the guilt for what she was involved with.


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## TRy

Beachman said:


> I don't understand her rational to apologize to to him. Now she is throwing everything that has happened to us over the past two years in my face. From what I have seen here this is typical. Now I know why she was intimate with me last weekend for the first time in months. It was the guilt for what she was involved with.


 She is just following the cheaters script were real logic does not apply. She cheats on you with the OM and somehow feels she needs to apologize to him, because in her mind her relationship with the OM is just as valid if not more valid than her marriage. She reinvents her history with you making big things out of little things just so that you can become the bad guy. All cheaters do this. They need you to be the bad guy so that they can blame shift their cheating as being your fault.

Do not get sucked into the blame shift discussion. No one is perfect yet that is the standard all cheaters want to judge their spouses by. If you let her suck you into this you will discover that you cannot win because you will be judged against a standard of perfection while she will not hold herself to the same standard. Bottom line, you cannot win this argument because she does not want you to win, and in her mind she is the sole judge of wrong and right.

It is amazing how cheaters will have so rationalized their cheating and so blame shifted everything to their spouse that they will act as if they have the moral high ground.


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## Gooch78

I dont think you should drive yourself crazy about this. Try to confront her with a really cool mind not with anger and be ready for anything. 
If you seriously doubt her, then the decision is in your hands.


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## ARAWZ

Beachman said:


> My wife and I have have had some issues the past two years. I know I have not been the model husband to her during this time but I have never done anything like showing my self to another person.
> 
> One morning I woke up and found her sleeping in my recliner in my man cave with the music on her Iphone. I went to shut it off and found a text from a man that I never heard of on the front. It stated are you still up. I was able to get into her phone and found about 4 pictures of him showing himself to her and her reciprocating. When I dug deeper into her phone there were about 25 pictures that she had taken of herself in outfits and lingerie that I had bought her. There was about 150 text from that night. I went to my online account and looked and there were over 1000 texts and pictures sent back and forth.
> 
> We have spoke about it and I am able to forgive her I think. There are issues that I have with this that I am not able to get past. There are also more issue with this. Does anybody have any suggestions? Thanks for any help that may be offered.


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## ARAWZ

Sexting may not be considered cheating to many people who are married; however, it is evidence that cheating may have happened or will happened. If you are married it is evidence that shows something is wrong in your marriage. If you are willing to accept sexting as an innocent way of communicating with a friend than why is it called sexting? Beachman, you have every right to be upset;however, you must let your wife know how you feel about her sharing erotic pictures to any other male other than you. If you feel uncomfortable and it throws-up flags that she maybe cheating then she needs to know that. Whether she physically cheated or not, sexting is a start that wiill end up in the bed. Cheating starts in your mind, emotions, then the physical. Ask her how would she feel if you had pictures of naked women sent to your phone? What would be the first thing that enters her mind? She would think something is wrong.of course. As much as married couples cheat today, one can only think the worse. No faithful mate will share intimate pictures, converstations, and emotions with no one but their mate.


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## ARAWZ

Beachman said:


> The stupid part was I was ok after what happened until an event on Monday to check my statement. Now there is not an ounce of trust. I don't understand her rational to apologize to to him. Now she is throwing everything that has happened to us over the past two years in my face. From what I have seen here this is typical. Now I know why she was intimate with me last weekend for the first time in months. It was the guilt for what she was involved with.


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## ARAWZ

Now that you see how she is acting, you see that where there is smoke there is fire. Either she did cheat and feels guilty about it and want to find every reason that lead her to cheat by bringing up past things that you have done to ease her conscious or she is upset that you found the pictures of her and the other guy and want to feel as if she has a right to do it because you may have lead her to do it so she wont feel like a tramp or guilty as if she did anything wrong. What is in the dark will come to light. Your wife was caught doing something that she knows that was inappropriate and out of line and now she is ready to bring up what has lead her to do it. I believe that you should listen to her and be direct with her by giving her the opportunity to confess whether she has cheated on you and does she want out of the marriage. Personally, I would eventually forgive her but if she cheated on me I believe that I could no longer trust her and she may have destroyed our marriage. Why? Because if there is a problem with our marriage she should have been a woman and a wife to come tell her husband what it is so we can fix it. I know women very well and have no problem communicating with them and seeing if there is something wrong. No one knows there wife better than the husband. You can sense something maybe wrong. I would forgive her because people make mistakes but when the trust is not there then the marriage cannot survive. Men and women can lead one another to cheat;however, it is a CHOICE that can only be made by the individual and it is LOVE that makes them not go through with it.


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## Sbrown

IMO sexting IS a PA! They took it past EA when sex was brought up! I'd be gone!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

dead thread!!


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## curlysue321

Yes, it is cheating.


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