# I can't go on...



## mom2jayce (May 22, 2009)

I was engaged to a wonderful man 12 years my senior. I have a 2 year old daughter. He has been in our lives since she was 2 months old. I can honestly say that this is the very first man I have ever loved! We were living together and everything was going great. He asked me to quit my job because he could support us with his work, after talking about this for a while I did. He has ADHD and was taking adderall (sp?) well, something about kids making meth with it prevented our family dr from being able to prescribe it any longer. He started going to a psychiatrist to get it and the shrink doubled his dose! Upon doing this he had to drink at night in order to be able to sleep because the meds made him hyper once they were doubled. I am not talking about 2 or 3 beer. I'm talking anywhere from 10-30 beer a night then taking a sleeping pill on top. He got to where he was staying out until 2 or 3 in the morning working (due to moving his business(he never cheated) Then it went from beer to jager. Jager made him angry. He was getting home and being upset because this happened and this person did this and yada. We were in the process of building a home on some property adjacent of his parents that was given to him. He was excited on a Wednesday to be done with work at around 6 p.m. So he had asked me to ride up to his sisters diner to look at their floor because he was going to replace it, then we would go up to his mothers and ride our 4-wheelers. I was sooo excited I finally got time to spend with him! On the way, he drank 1/2 a bottle of jager, we looked at his sisters diner and then got to his mothers. He told me he was going to "hitch up" and I asked him what he was hitching and he said "the trailor, I'm going to get some of the logs off the property so it's easier to walk on" (let me mind you, we had been cutting down trees every weekend, daylight to dark and moving them off the property.) I then replied " I thought we were going to ride the four wheelers not clear the property." He got angry and said that he didn't care if we had a house if I didn't and on and on and on. He was so mad that he ended up cussing me out and leaving me and my 2 yr old there. I had my sister come get me and take me to my car and I stayed the night with my mother. The next day, Thursday I met up with him and we talked and he was saying that he was just too stressed out and needed to be by himself for 2 days. I said fine. On Friday, I went by our apartment to get my phone charger and he had a u-haul backed up and was moving out!! :scratchhead: I was like what in the H-E double hockey sticks! He said he needed 24 hours, then he told me that it was over and he couldn't build a house and spend time with us. I am so darn upset I just don't know what to do. I moved out of our apartment and I have been so upset I can't eat, I can't sleep. When I do sleep I wake up reaching out for him or wake up looking for him. My daughter has been asking where her daddy is and she thinks he is at work and I really don't know what to tell her. I talked to my mom and she was telling me that if I was to ever go back to him she would take all of her savings and take my daughter from me because he is unstable if he did that to us and I can't handle it any longer I am losing my mind! Then to top it off my mother calls and tells me she wants me to give her temp custody of my daughter and wants me to join the navy for a few years to get out of this town and away from him because she doesn't want me to love him nor go back to him. She comes to my house that I am renting and tells me all kinds of crap everyday and I'm so sick of it! I'm going through one of the hardest times I have ever been through and I don't need her crap! I really don't know where to go from here....


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## Freckles (May 14, 2009)

I know it's hard to here advise - especially from your mom - she is full of threats and that is just gonna push you away. 

Honestly - I don't know you guys - but I can tell that he needs some help. He's going through things he doesn't understand - so he can't explain it to you and can't face life right now. It's kind of a cop out - but I understand that some people run when things get tough.

If you really love him and you really want things to work out - then I would ask him to meet you and talk. He is short tempered so try not to say upsetting things. Tell him you love him - you want to see him and if living together and building a house is too much then put on the brakes a little. Make "dates" when you can see or talk together. Tell him to come see your daughter (when he's sober) so she isn't too tramatized by all this. 

Baby steps... but I would def recommend he gets help. When people don't sleep they can't function - they lose it! I know people on Adderol and they do take a sleeping pill to offset it - they don't need alcohol. Also there are other drugs that aren't as strong as adderol and maybe switching meds will help him feel more in control of himself. 

He has let things get out of control and you might not be able to fix this - he might need to fix things himself.


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## mom2jayce (May 22, 2009)

I know he needs help with whatever he is going through in life and I think that I can fix it, if he would just let me try. When I think that I don't want him, I don't want anyone else to have him either and I just don't know how to move on...


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

You're not going to change this guy. You are codependent and he could care less about you. Your child is suffering because of your behavior. Im glad your mom is standing up to you. Your behavior is irrational and your child is suffering because of it. I hope you get your act together and start to realize whats really worth chasing after.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

mom2jayce-
Wow, so much information in one post, and yet... we need a little bit more. This is a challenging situation for sure, but you can get through it.

1)Unless you mom is very controlling, I was wondering if there is a reason she is so dead against your b/f?

2)How bad is it for him if he does not take his medication at all?

3)Until this happened, how did he treat you?


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## mom2jayce (May 22, 2009)

Blanca, I am not chasing him. I do not speak to him unless it's necessary. My mom is very controlling and she wants to have a part of everything, good or bad way, she does not care. I am trying to come to terms with him leaving it's just very hard and I don't need someone to judge me and the way I love. If I could turn my emotions off like a light switch I would but I cannot. 

MarkTwain, When he doesn't take his meds he becomes very depressed.
Until she doubled his dose he was fine he was great! I just thought that this was everything I had ever needed but I guess I'm irrational for thinking someone who treated me and my child so well until the dr gave him too many meds was perfect. I am not defending him because he should have brought it to the dr's attention.


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