# Are You Happy with Your Spouse's weight?



## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

I am wondering about the weight issue in marriage. What do you think about your spouse's weight? Will you still attract to your spouse if he/she becomes morbidly obese? Does the weight affect your marriage in any way?

How many extra lbs is considered to be overweight or obese in your opinion?

P/S: I am not talking about pregnant ladies, ladies at the first few years after giving birth, or people with medical conditions that cause weight gain. I am talking about weight gain related to lifestyle choices.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

My husband has gotten a bit more overweight than he was when we got together... quite a bit more than when we met. It has only started bothering me recently. It didn't bother me to hang back when he was too tired or whatever until I was working a million hours a week. Then i started feeling he was preventing me from doing what I really wanted to do. Selfish, yeah. But it probably should have been that all along. 

It hasn't effected my attraction to him. Though let's face it, physical health impacts sex. 

I won't be his mother. When he is ready to address it, he will. The things it prevents him from doing haven't been sufficient to motivate him. 

I worry like heck about his life expectancy. 
Sucks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Personally, I think weight is very important. I'm not talking about the types of weight gain you mentioned -- illness, pregnancy, etc. but I do believe that maintaining a healthy, desirable weight is one of the most important things you can do, not only for your health, but for your relationship as well.

My way of thinking: our bodies are gifts to each other, and I wouldn't find someone who "let themselves go" nearly as desirable. Would I still love him? Of course, but not sure I would find him as sexually appealing. Maybe that's just me...

My SO and I both workout with weights 3 days a week and try to do cardio almost everyday. And its something we do together so it's much easier to stay on track.

And it really pays off in the bedroom..


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

clipclop2 said:


> My husband has gotten a bit more overweight than he was when we got together... quite a bit more than when we met. It has only started bothering me recently. It didn't bother me to hang back when he was too tired or whatever until I was working a million hours a week. Then i started feeling he was preventing me from doing what I really wanted to do. Selfish, yeah. But it probably should have been that all along.
> 
> It hasn't effected my attraction to him. Though let's face it, physical health impacts sex.
> 
> ...


What is your husband's BMI if you do not mind I am asking? 

My husband is around a lot of people that are way more overweight than him, so he does not seem to worry about his weight. He thinks he is still OK. His maximum BMI was 32.3. He lost 15 lbs, but that was it. His BMI is 30.4 now. The amount of my husband's extra weight almost equals my current weight. 

P/S: His BMI was 25.4 when we first met. 

Calculate Your BMI - Standard BMI Calculator


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

kitty2013 said:


> I am wondering about the weight issue in marriage. What do you think about your spouse's weight? Will you still attract to your spouse if he/she becomes morbidly obese? Does the weight affect your marriage in any way?
> 
> How many extra lbs is considered to be overweight or obese in your opinion?
> 
> P/S: I am not talking about pregnant ladies, ladies at the first few years after giving birth, or people with medical conditions that caused weight gain. I am talking about weight gain related to lifestyle choices.



When I first met my wifee to be, I was around 170 lbs at 6 ft 2, thick coke bottle glasses.

Then I had enough and started to weight train, eat small meals all day and today, I'm around 225+ lbs, no more glasses, laser eye surgery at 6 ft 2.

I took care of myself because of the sex appeal for my wifee and my general well being and health. I definitely don't need to lose weight.

BMI index works great for those who don't weight train. Then a certain weight for a certain height is applied for general health. But when weight training, weight and strength go up from muscle mass gains and BMI index is not used. According to my BMI rating, I'm almost entry level obese which is nonsense because I am muscular and very strong.

My wifee got very heavy and finally started counting her daily caloric intake and is eating accordingly. She has now lost 25 lbs in over 10 weeks and still going strong. She wants to lose another 50 lbs or so to be like she was before we got married.

To me, a woman that is fat or obese isn't sexy. I don't want to see her naked, in a swimsuit or lingerie, nothing. It isn't healthy and she can't do many of the fun sexy things you can do when fit. 

Knowing your daily caloric intake for safe weight loss is key. So if someone has a slower metabolism, only needs 1400 calories a day to lose weight, then so be it. If someone has a high metabolism and needs 4000 calories a day to maintain, then so be it. We all are so different when it comes to metabolisms and body structures, frame and sizes. Eating healthy and clean but too many calories equals fat weight gain.

Doing daily cardio will also increase ones metabolism, like going for a power walk with a weighted backpack after work, or on a stair climber or treadmill while watching TV, etc. You have to exercise.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

My husband's belly is almost as big as a 9 months pregnant belly now. He was in the competitive swimming team, and his body was AMAZING. Many women used to throw themselves at him. He was in his best shape for them, but not for me. He used to work so hard, but not anymore. He is being too comfortable with me. 

P/S: Congrats to you CuddleBug. You must be the most lucky man now because your wife is losing weight for herself and for your marriage. I admire your story.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think it's very important. I met my husband at a 5k, and I immediately thought he was sexy. Thin like a runner but 6 ft tall and a little thicker and more muscular then your typical skinny runner. It was later that I found out what a great guy he was. He has some room but if he went over 20 or 30 pounds it would definitely affect my attraction to him; of course I'd still love him but love and attraction are not the same. We are both pretty good runners (lots of plaques and trophies between us) and either run together on weekends or discuss our runs during the week, which we both do on or lunch hours at work. It's disrespectful to simply let yourself go; if you know you'd have to get your sh!t together to find someone else you should do it for your spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm happy with my husband's weight. He's always been at a normal weight for his height. He exercises regularly with martial arts and lifting weights. He takes care of himself, as a result he can pass for nearly 8-10 years younger than he is. He still wears the same jean size he wore in college. If he gained 15-20 pounds, it really wouldn't change my attraction for him. But a 25-30 pound weight gain would necessitate having an uncomfortable conversation about the weight gain, but we both like to exercise so that's a conversation we haven't had to have.

The difference between a close friendship and a romantic relationship is sexual attraction. If the sexual attraction goes away, you have two people who live as roommates or as two good friends raising children together. Therefore, it's important to stay fit as we can given our individual circumstances. My husband and I have had this conversation and both of us are in agreement. We would NEVER leave the other for weight gain and in return we both try to work out regularly to stay in the best shape we can for our age, size and lifestyle. 

My husband has stuck with me through illnesses, job changes, geographic relocations, and a whole lot more. Shouldn't the person who has seen me at my worst deserve to have me at my best? That's why I try to track my food and exercise. I want to be the best version of me for me and for him.

It's important to be physically healthy and fit as possible while recognizing most of us are not going to look like professional athletes or fitness models. At the same time, we need to realize society, at least in America, is much larger in size than they used to be. Just because people have gotten bigger doesn't mean that we have to say nothing can be done about our own individual weight gain over time.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Weight is important for good health. I appreciate that my wife tries to look good for me and I do the same doe her but it is far down the importance list for the relationship. 
Suppose she gets a health condition that causes weight gain. Or is in a disfiguring accident. Or loses a limb. Or is paralyzed. 
Yes weight is usually controllable but as years pass our bodies sag, go bald, lose youthful vigor. 
I married her for what's on the inside and the outside wrapping is a plus but not a deal breaker.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

kitty2013 said:


> I am wondering about the weight issue in marriage. What do you think about your spouse's weight? Will you still attract to your spouse if he/she becomes morbidly obese? Does the weight affect your marriage in any way?


Weight (and health/fitness) is important to us both, and we've gained little (perhaps 10lb) in the 14 years we've been together. So, we're both good with each other's weight, and our BMI's fall in the normal range. We intend to keep it that way.

I'd still love her if she became overweight, but I'd probably lose attraction, especially if my weight didn't increase similarly.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

Maneo said:


> Weight is important for good health. I appreciate that my wife tries to look good for me and I do the same doe her but it is far down the importance list for the relationship.
> *Suppose she gets a health condition that causes weight gain. Or is in a disfiguring accident. Or loses a limb. Or is paralyzed. *
> Yes weight is usually controllable but as years pass our bodies sag, go bald, lose youthful vigor.
> I married her for what's on the inside and the outside wrapping is a plus but not a deal breaker.


I agree. 

However, my husband gains excessive weight from his sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

kitty2013 said:


> My husband's belly is almost as big as a 9 months pregnant belly now. He was in the competitive swimming team, and his body was AMAZING. Many women used to throw themselves at him. He was in his best shape for them, but not for me. He used to work so hard, but not anymore. He is being too comfortable with me.
> 
> P/S: Congrats to you CuddleBug. You must be the most lucky man now because your wife is losing weight for herself and for your marriage. I admire your story.



Thank you. But for 14 years, sex 1x month, and she got to 240 lbs ish. Only now, last 10+ weeks has she got it and it finally sunk in.

Eating a lot of red meats, wheat based foods will bloat you and get a belly. Beers, etc. will do the same.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Weight (and health/fitness) is important to us both, and we've gained little (perhaps 10lb) in the 14 years we've been together. So, we're both good with each other's weight, and our BMI's fall in the normal range. We intend to keep it that way.
> 
> I'd still love her if she became overweight, but I'd probably lose attraction, especially if my weight didn't increase similarly.


10 extra lbs is NOTHING 
40 extra lbs is still acceptable for me. 
50-100 extra lbs is not attractive, but I can tolerate. 
> 100 extra lbs + refuses to get help + No sex = I am leaving.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Thank you. But for 14 years, sex 1x month, and she got to 240 lbs ish. Only now, last 10+ weeks has she got it and it finally sunk in.
> 
> Eating a lot of red meats, wheat based foods will bloat you and get a belly. Beers, etc. will do the same.


You are a good husband. I will try to be supportive to my husband, and hopefully he will work on his weight to improve our sex life in the near future.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

kitty2013 said:


> 10 extra lbs is NOTHING
> 40 extra lbs is still acceptable for me.
> 50-100 extra lbs is not attractive, but I can tolerate.
> > 100 extra lbs + refuses to get help + No sex = I am leaving.


There are limits to what we'd find acceptable, no doubt, but we've never gotten anywhere near where it would matter to us. We've done very well keeping our weight in check as we get older and metabolism has changed - it's a lot more work to keep in control with diet and exercise. 40 lbs or more would probably be an issue, though - that would be right on the edge of obese in BMI terms.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> There are limits to what we'd find acceptable, no doubt, but we've never gotten anywhere near where it would matter to us. *We've done very well keeping our weight in check *as we get older and metabolism has changed - it's a lot more work to keep in control with diet and exercise. 40 lbs or more would probably be an issue, though - that would be right on the edge of obese in BMI terms.


"We" is an important word. It is great that you and your spouse have the same goal. My husband and I do not share the same view about health issues.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I am 5'7" and at about 135 pounds right now.

My husband is 6' and at 190 pounds.

According to the BMI chart I am average, and he is slightly overweight.

But if you looked at us I'd say he looks perfect, and I'm a little pudgy.

BMI doesn't seem to work as well on guys. My man is broad, and muscular, but he is in no way overweight. 

My husband works out daily, and only drinks water, eats salad everyday... etc.

I like my fast food. lol. But I'm trying to be better.

Both of us are a very healthy weight, and "slim and trim."

If one of us started letting ourselves go I'm sure the other would bring it up and be supportive, and help us get it under control. I would hope we would never let each other get morbidly obese.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

kitty2013 said:


> 10 extra lbs is NOTHING
> 
> 40 extra lbs is still acceptable for me.
> 
> ...



100+ lbs is dangerously unhealthy.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Both of us have gained about 30 lbs......since we knew each other in high school...I TOTALLY love his body...even as he is losing his hair and has shaved it all off! It is really funny though, we met in high school. He played football/wrestled and I was a cheerleader..I think our brains have ingrained each other's image into our brains from our early years, so that many years later we still SEE the person we fell for!

Have any other couples felt like this??


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

over20 said:


> .I think our brains have ingrained each other's image into our brains from our early years, so that many years later we still SEE the person we fell for!
> 
> Have any other couples felt like this??


:iagree:

In my mind he still looks the same way he did when I first met him. He has all his hair and the body is the same, but let's face it, we've all aged...but I "see" him as he was at age 20. He says it's the same way for him. Love goggles, perhaps?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Yes, I am. Dh has had a consistent weight since I met him. He is 6'2" and around 200 lbs. According to the BMI tables, he should lose 10 lbs to be in normal range, but you sure can't tell he is "overweight" by looking at him.

I just feel attracted to dh in general. The real attraction is the interior, but the exterior is not bad, either, lol.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

kitty2013 said:


> I agree.
> 
> However, my husband gains excessive weight from his sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits.


My husband has the most terrible eating habits. I'm slowly getting him to eat better but breaking the bad habits his parents instilled in him is tough. 


His weight is fine so far but I realize he will start to look like his parents if I don't keep throwing healthy food and habits at him.He really takes to the lead by example method. LOL

(father has huge pregnant gut and man boobs.His mother is morbidly obese with a laundry list of health issues)

I will readily admit my attraction will drop if his belly hangs out past his penis due to poor lifestyle choices.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

over20 said:


> Both of us have gained about 30 lbs......since we knew each other in high school...I TOTALLY love his body...even as he is losing his hair and has shaved it all off! It is really funny though, we met in high school. He played football/wrestled and I was a cheerleader..I think our brains have ingrained each other's image into our brains from our early years, so that many years later we still SEE the person we fell for!
> 
> Have any other couples felt like this??


I still see him like the skinny little blonde boy I loved in middle school and high school.  Even though he wears his curls super short now and doesn't wear tie dye grateful dead shirts anymore. LOL


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

My wifes weight doesnt bother me. I just wish she was fine with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

over20 said:


> Both of us have gained about 30 lbs......since we knew each other in high school...I TOTALLY love his body...even as he is losing his hair and has shaved it all off! It is really funny though, we met in high school. He played football/wrestled and I was a cheerleader..I think our brains have ingrained each other's image into our brains from our early years, so that many years later we still SEE the person we fell for!
> 
> Have any other couples felt like this??


My H is one of those who has to eat more to keep his weight up. He recently was successful in putting on some extra weight but I don't want him to put on any more because it's all muscle and I don't like that body builder look especially since he have a naturally lean frame. He has lifted weights, worked out, skiing and played basketball since I've been with him (11 years). 

I on the other hand can gain weight by passing by the ice cream section in the grocery store. I've been on a mission to get down to my previous pregnancy weight and I was so proud of myself not overeating during the holidays. When I weigh on January 6 I had GAINED 3 lbs! I've since lost 2 but still have 10 lbs to go. My H don't want me to lose any more because he says it just feels good during sex. But it's too stressful for me to teeter on the edge of overweight. I want a few lbs to play with.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

My husband is on the shorter side so even a few extra pounds really bothers him. He's around 165-168 most of the time and he'd really like to be 148, but he just doesn't have the energy or time to work out (he often works 18 hour days) and we are both foodies. I cook very healthy meals but probably should be looking to make them a little less delicious.

It doesn't bother me AT ALL that he's a little bit overweight. What bothers me a little is that he refuses to buy bigger clothes because he doesn't want to admit that he may not be 148 anytime soon. I feel bad because he doesn't have much to wear that is comfortable.

I wouldn't mind if he gained weight from an attraction perspective. He's been as heavy as 185 when we were married and it never bothered me. However his family has a really bad history of heart disease so for that reason I am much more concerned than I would be otherwise. We are both on a permanent healthy eating program. 

I think my husband is attractive whether fat, thin, or medium, but the spectre of lifestyle disease is pretty scary.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Thound said:


> My wifes weight doesnt bother me. I just wish she was fine with it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel the same way. If she puts on weight it's like the rapture is coming.


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## mxpx4182 (Jan 7, 2014)

Yes and no. 

My wife is 5'8 and about 170. On its own I am ok with this and I am happy with my wife's weight and how she looks.

With that being said, I do wish she would lose weight, but I would never tell her that to her face. Here's why. My wife was seriously bulemic until she was 17 and almost died in rehab. She didn't fully stop throwing up until she was 19 (24 now). Once she asked if I was more attracted to her when she weighed 145 and after dodging the question for about 10 minutes I said yes (with the caveat the she was still the most beautiful in the world), which resulted in her telling me she would have called off the engagement if I had told her before we got married. She complains every day about her weight and sometimes this leads to anxiety in social situations or before work. Basically I just want her to feel good about herself.

I also feel like she doesn't fully understand the basics of weight loss/gain, despite watching documentaries on hulu/netflix on a weekly/near daily basis. For example, she will eat small portions of mostly organic health food but will also drink numerous sugary coffees and mochas through out the day and have a big portion of some kind of dessert. She will also go run around the track for a mile a few times a week but will have a big thing of nutella, cookies, or something else multiple times a day. Actually, I don't even think that this type of eating behavior really bothers me, it's just that it's paired with so much talk every day about eating healthy, avoiding cancer, fat, etc. 

I guess I could really sum it up by saying I think my wife is beautiful and I'm not bothered by her eating/exercise habits, but I want her to be anxiety free and I'm a little annoyed by the bipolar health related behavior. But then again, I think we all have some health related issues that we have to deal with.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I was a size 18 a couple of years ago, It may not sound like i was big, but i was especially in my face, it looked so bloated, especially in a certain photo i was shown that was the final nail in the coffin that made me lose the weight.

It was NEVER an issue for my hubby tho, he never once said that i was overweight, even tho i knew i was, having 5 children my weight yo yo'd.

I am now a 10-12, my husband tells me i look fab, but he still says he never had an issue with my weight, but he does admit that the certain photo was shocking, as we look like two different people now, (the photo and me now).

I am happy, I know i hated being big, but found it hard to lose it.

My husband is chubby, he loves his food, and i have no problem with him being this way... Its him i love, I mean there is big, and then you have obese, and i do think that its not healthy being to overweight.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

You know your weight and health is going to change a lot over the years ...what you look like is going to change as well. I weighed 125 lb for the first 25 yrs of my marriage then I gained 100 lbs over a 5 year period of time. I had no idea why or how...I am only 5'1" so you can imagine what that did to my figure. My husband never once made me feel anything but desired and sexy. It took a car accident to find the thyroid tumor that was causing the weight gain. It means the world to me that even though he didn't know I had a medical issue he still loved and desired me the whole package even with the weight gain. It meant a lot to me over the next year as I lost over half my hair and some of the other side effects of having my thyroid removed to know he loved me for me. He stood by me through it all...I now look better than I did in my 20's! I guess what I am saying is it is about the long haul not this month or this year....its about is this the person you love and want to spend your life with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

I am 5 11 and 200 pounds. I'm a bit chubby. I have a belly and love handles. My wife is within five pounds of me, at 5 foot 3. We've been married for ten years, and I am totally in lust with her.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

mineforever said:


> You know your weight and health is going to change a lot over the years ...what you look like is going to change as well. I weighed 125 lb for the first 25 yrs of my marriage then I gained 100 lbs over a 5 year period of time. I had no idea why or how...I am only 5'1" so you can imagine what that did to my figure. My husband never once made me feel anything but desired and sexy. It took a car accident to find the thyroid tumor that was causing the weight gain. It means the world to me that even though he didn't know I had a medical issue he still loved and desired me the whole package even with the weight gain. It meant a lot to me over the next year as I lost over half my hair and some of the other side effects of having my thyroid removed to know he loved me for me. He stood by me through it all...I now look better than I did in my 20's! I guess what I am saying is it is about the long haul not this month or this year....its about is this the person you love and want to spend your life with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You must have a wonderful personality. I do not think weight is an issue if a person is active and happy. Weight will not be a problem if it does not impact the couple's sex life too much.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I'm 5'4" and a little under 130 lbs. But for almost a decade, when I had mostly little kids, I was 165.

Dh told me it never affected his attraction to me. He always loved my body. But he was worried about my health, and would make regular comments about how we should get back to the low-fat vegan diet we had been on in the 90s. We had gone ovo-lacto when we moved to France in 1999, and I just did not want to give up dairy.

In 2009, I had a health scare and got back on low-fat vegan. In two months I lost 20 lbs. My weight then settled into the 130s. Right now it is around 130 and that is reasonable for me.

I am so glad dh loves me no matter what I look like.


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

My wife has gained a little weight, and even though she hates it.I think she looks so much better. Normally, at only 5 ft 1, she weighs about 103-105. She was too skinny. She is now probably 110-115 (she won't tell me), but she is much curvier, etc. She is athletic, even at her age (53), so it looks good on her.

For me, I need to lose about 12-15 pounds. I am in the 187 -190 range. I look best at 170-175. I'm squeezing into a 34 inch waist on my suits and jeans, (only the few I can still fit into). I absolutely refuse to buy a larger size, so I'm going to need to lose it so my clothes fit better.

When I was much younger (I'm 57 now), I was very athletic and also ran marathons. I couldn't gain weight if I tried (weighed around 160) ..and could eat as much as I want. Boy how I miss those days!!


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

I'm 6'1 and weigh 185 last time I weighed myself which makes me feel overweight,because when I was boxing at 18 I walked around at 160.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

Quant said:


> *I'm 6'1 and weigh 185 last time I weighed myself which makes me feel overweight*,because when I was boxing at 18 I walked around at 160.


You are not even close to being overweight IMHO.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

kitty2013 said:


> You are not even close to being overweight IMHO.


I suppose I'm used to being lean from boxing, I look to be in excellent shape to the average person. But to me I'm out of boxing shape and need to make more time to train in the gym.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

I'm happy with my husband's weight and vice versa.

He would not like it if I was overweight. I am slim and petite. I wouldn't like to see him overweight. I do cut down on sugars and carbonated drinks now that I'm in my mid forties. Even though I've always had a slim lean build, my body has changed a bit since I've hit the forties. I keep my body in shape for myself and for my spouse. I feel sexier when my body looks good and gives me more confidence in the bedroom. 

He works out most days strength training and has an awesome chest and really nice arms. He looks better now than he did when he used to run everyday.


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

BMI index is useless. If your a weight trainer at all you will be heavy according to that chart. Evander Hollyfield was the world heavyweight boxing champion and was considered obese by the BMI index. There is a chart where you measure yourself that is alot more realistic


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

tornado said:


> BMI index is useless. If your a weight trainer at all you will be heavy according to that chart. Evander Hollyfield was the world heavyweight boxing champion and was considered obese by the BMI index. There is a chart where you measure yourself that is alot more realistic


What is the name of the chart?


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

*Re: Re: Are You Happy with Your Spouse's weight?*



kitty2013 said:


> What is the name of the chart?


 https://www.active.com/fitness/calculators/bodyfat#


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## tornado (Jan 10, 2014)

*Re: Re: Are You Happy with Your Spouse's weight?*



kitty2013 said:


> What is the name of the chart?


 http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/home-body-fat-test-2774-143.html


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

Gaining wieght is a hazard when one is married. It is just easier to gain when married than when single. My wife is in the normal BMI range, but is heavier than when we got married by 15-20Lbs. She's pretty to me tho. I weigh exactly the same as I did when we got married 25 years ago. 

Funny thing: both my mother and mother in law were very overweight until their husbands died. Within a year both of them had dropped 30 LBs. and have kept it off. There is just something about being married that is conducive to putting on the pounds.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

kitty2013 said:


> I am wondering about the weight issue in marriage. What do you think about your spouse's weight? Will you still attract to your spouse if he/she becomes morbidly obese? Does the weight affect your marriage in any way?
> 
> How many extra lbs is considered to be overweight or obese in your opinion?
> 
> P/S: I am not talking about pregnant ladies, ladies at the first few years after giving birth, or people with medical conditions that cause weight gain. I am talking about weight gain related to lifestyle choices.


Weight gain leading to obesity that's unrelated to medical reasons? No I would not still be attracted to him. I would be concerned where he was at mentally. It's not just about his physical appearance, although that plays a part, it's that our choices and lifestyles would be completely out of sync and even though he's currently not working-out, he is aware of having balance, walks every day, sometimes does push-ups, keeps himself at a healthy weight and it's the actions and behaviors that I find attractive. 

I think physically, he's more handsome as he ages. The slight weight gain over the years suits him. And that balanced approach has served him well - particularly as he's not into gyms and such. We have both said we could use toning up but it's no biggie. He doesn't overindulge or have unhealthy habits. I dig that. Could we both be fitter and healthier than we are? Sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I hear you, heartsbeating, on husbands becoming more attractive as they age. Mine is starting to get grey hair, and his face is showing light wrinkling. I find it endearing.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

heartsbeating said:


> Weight gain leading to obesity that's unrelated to medical reasons? No I would not still be attracted to him. I would be concerned where he was at mentally. It's not just about his physical appearance, although that plays a part, it's that our choices and lifestyles would be completely out of sync and even though he's currently not working-out, he is aware of having balance, walks every day, sometimes does push-ups, keeps himself at a healthy weight and *it's the actions and behaviors that I find attractive.
> *
> I think physically, he's more handsome as he ages. The slight weight gain over the years suits him. And that balanced approach has served him well - particularly as he's not into gyms and such. We have both said we could use toning up but it's no biggie. He doesn't overindulge or have unhealthy habits. I dig that. Could we both be fitter and healthier than we are? Sure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I could have not said it better myself.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Yes, it is a problem in my marriage. She was overweight when I married her (around 165) and now she is twice that. I was very attracted to her when we married. Honestly it is the least of our problems but it is a problem. It is lifestyle related and not health related. It is somewhat genetic in that she could never be petite. No, I don't find it attractive but I'm looking at it from the lense of having enough other problems over a long period of time that the emotional connection is no longer there. That makes a difference. On the rare times we do have sex, it is a very limiting factor.

Oops ... sorry, didn't realize it was the ladies lounge ... talk amongst yourselves ... I'll give you a topic ... the holy roman empire was neither holy nor roman nor an empire. Discuss.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

I've stayed away from this post and have not read all the responses, but I'll weigh in (no pun intended). My wife is 5'7". She's currently beating herself up because she's up to about 155lbs or so. This is much better than the 165-170 she was at this time last year. She's doing this because she gained about 10lbs since Thanksgiving. When we met her 'fighting weight' was about 135. She's accepted the fact that she may not see that again but wants to be in the 140 range. She could easily do it if she'd actually exercise. She does when it's warm out but is such an anti-winter person, won't do anything when the months turn cold. But, it seems like she's happier complaining about it than doing something about it. At least til April. 

As for my perception, I think she's beautiful, whether it's at 145 or 160. I never say anything derogatory about her weight. You know, the whole glass houses thing (BTW, I'm 5'8", 195lbs - former weightlifter - aspiring to be about 180 again). Although I may in reference to how she deals with it. Don't whine and complain. Just do something about it. 

Oh, and here's a question for the ladies. Explain this female psychosis for me. My wife says she cannot work out because she has a bad shoulder. She needs to see a doctor for it. But she won't, until she loses the weight, because she'll have to get on a scale. But she won't lose the weight until she can work out and be active again. But she can't because she has a bad shoulder. Aaaannnnnndddd........round and round we go. This ought to be interesting.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

It is all lifestyle and not genetics, If you look at the family think - they all share the lifestyle. If genetics would be a real factor then there would be obese people everywhere around the world, It is not a coincidence that where I am from there is no fast food, no MCdonalds no coke and people are size 2 to size 8 tops. However, smoking there seems to be a bigger problem than in U.S, or U.K. No body is perfect and I am not judging, everyone has a choice.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> It is all lifestyle and not genetics, If you look at the family think - they all share the lifestyle. If genetics would be a real factor then there would be obese people everywhere around the world, It is not a coincidence that where I am from there is no fast food, no MCdonalds no coke and people are size 2 to size 8 tops. However, smoking there seems to be a bigger problem than in U.S, or U.K. No body is perfect and I am not judging, everyone has a choice.


I believe genetic plays a role in making a person more susceptible to obesity, but the lifestyle decides that person's weight.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> It is all lifestyle and not genetics, If you look at the family think - they all share the lifestyle. If genetics would be a real factor then there would be obese people everywhere around the world, It is not a coincidence that where I am from there is no fast food, no MCdonalds no coke and people are size 2 to size 8 tops. However, smoking there seems to be a bigger problem than in U.S, or U.K. No body is perfect and I am not judging, everyone has a choice.


We could debate this until we're blue in the face. My wife would find it difficult to be petite even if she were to eat a completely clean diet and exercise regularly. Me on the other hand ... I can eat pretty much anything I want and as much as I want and stay relatively the same weight. I'm 46 years old and can still wear the same clothes I wore in college 25 years ago (and yes, I still have a few things around . I might die of heart disease from a bad diet but they can bury me in my old college t-shirt. If anything, I have to weight train and eat more than an average person eats in order to put on weight. Heck, I have a friend who is not only fanatical about what he eats but has done a full iron man each year for the last several years (along with a few marathons) and I still have less body fat than he does. His wife is a yoga instructor who does half ironmans and she looks good but she is certainly not petite.

Lifestyle plays a significant role but genetics is a factor.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Thunder7 said:


> My wife says she cannot work out because she has a bad shoulder. She needs to see a doctor for it. But she won't, until she loses the weight, because she'll have to get on a scale. But she won't lose the weight until she can work out and be active again. But she can't because she has a bad shoulder. Aaaannnnnndddd........round and round we go. This ought to be interesting.


Couldn't she bike on a stationary cycle? That would be mostly a lower body workout. Her shoulders aren't involved especially if she uses a recumbent cycle at the gym. 

I don't know how you get her to work out if she doesn't want to. That motivation has to come from within. You can only do so much.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> Couldn't she bike on a stationary cycle? That would be mostly a lower body workout. Her shoulders aren't involved especially if she uses a recumbent cycle at the gym.
> 
> I don't know how you get her to work out if she doesn't want to. That motivation has to come from within. You can only do so much.


She loves the outdoors. She runs, bikes, hikes. When the weather is warm. As soon as it's cold, nothing. The idea of indoor exercise is lost on her. We have a treadmill and a stationary bike that she doesn't use. She goes into hibernation about mid October and comes out around April. She has never embraced my philosophy that sometimes exercise is just a necessary evil that we do just to get it done. It doesn't always have to be peaceful and beautiful and serene.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

kitty2013 said:


> I believe genetic plays a role in making a person more susceptible to obesity, but the lifestyle decides that person's weight.


I agree, it is a factor, it makes keeping certain weight easier for some but all can do it. I have seen marathon runners and ironmans with belly, and I think it is fantastic, I always advocate that it is about health not certain magazine beauty standards. I still feel healthy when I gain my 15lbs annually, for me it is the summertime when it is really hot outside and I also work a lot in summertime and drink some wine and mojitos more often in summertime.. I also don't exercising indoors, except the pool. I prefer to run when it is cold and in snow too. I am from north, I am completely useless in heat.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I am happy with my wife's weight and my own weight too. 

Neither of us have gained more than 10 pounds total in the past 12 years. We keep pretty active and busy.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

Feeling-Lonely said:


> I agree, it is a factor, it makes keeping certain weight easier for some but all can do it. I have seen marathon runners and ironmans with belly, and I think it is fantastic, I always advocate that it is about health not certain magazine beauty standards. I still feel healthy when I gain my 15lbs annually, for me it is the summertime when it is really hot outside and I also work a lot in summertime and drink some wine and mojitos more often in summertime.. I also don't exercising indoors, except the pool.* I prefer to run when it is cold and in snow too. *I am from north, I am completely useless in heat.


I am disappeared in winter :sleeping:.


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