# I Think I Might Be Dealing With A Sociopath



## Randi (Dec 23, 2008)

I didn't know where to put this so I am putting it here. The problem is serious enough that I am considering divorce, although that isn't what I really want. This is a second marriage for both and I knew there was baggage involved but never realized how much. I'll start from the beginning. When I met my husband he seemed like the nicest guy in the world; charming, considerate, and acted like the sun rose and set on me. He had a son in prison at the time for child molestation but insisted that the son had been "set up" and was innocent etc. He was such a nice guy and a respected businessman, I felt I could overlook it. I started working with him in his rental business and things went very well for the first five years or so. My husband never talked very much about his first wife or divorce but he had been single a long time and had a good reputation, so I figured all was in the past.

I even went to bat for his son, who served all his time and was released. They wanted to commit him for life but a lot of people stood up for him because of his father. For a while things went well, but then his son began to get more and more involved in the business. My son was renting an apartment from my husband and the two had a very good and close relationship at the time. I think I should mention that my son doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs and has a very clean life style.

My husband and step son began acting very secretive and started leaving me out of all the business decisions etc. They began to buy property and investments without even telling me what they were doing. Several times I learned from an outsider. Often the stepson would come in the office and take his father in the back room to talk, excluding me from the conversation. Eventually, he basicallly took over my job and started handling all the rentals. I felt like my husband was changing towards me and my son. He became more and more distant and secretive. My step son started creating problems between my husband and I and treating my son badly. He desroyed my son's new air condiioner and wouldn't pay for it. If there were any problems in the apartment he wouldn't fix them. He is supposed to be in charge of maintenance.

My husband and stepson began spending all their time together while I was left along nights, weekends, etc. When I compained, my husband said I was just jealous, or they had a lot of work etc.
Things have progressively gotten worse and I have caught my stepson in many lies. He has also put wedges between my husband and his other sons. He has gained almost complete control. He constantly talks bad about his brothers, and I am sure he does the same about me and my son because it has gotten back to me. However, my husband defends him even when there is proof about his devious behavior. I even caught him sneaking into my personal computor and he denied it. Told his father I just don't like him etc.
Well, this is the background for my current situation. He is renting to people without background or credit checks and filling the buildings with drug addicts and bad people. He put a real bad person in the apartment below my son, who he shares with his wife and baby girl. The guy and his girlfriend smoke constantly, and not only cigarettes but pot as well. My son had to rush his baby girl to the hospital with pneumonia and his wife with a bad sinus infection within the first month they moved in beneath him. They all sarted getting sick. When my son complained, the tenant and my stepson both said that they had "the right to smoke"

To help the situation, I suggested my son put a fan in the upstairs hallway. (it's a two family building) It was October and a mild day. They wanted to air out the smoke. The tenant from downstairs charged upstairs pounding on the door, screaming and threatening my son. The wife and little daughter were scared to death, so he called the cops. The other tenant was arrested because he has some kind of warrant.

Now, the strange part. My husband is furious with my son for the whole situation. Another day, my son was vacuuming a broken glass in the kitchen at 7;00 PM and the guy downstairs started screaming and yelling threatening to kill him and tried to bait him into going downstairs to fight "like a man" In the meantime the guy had his girlfriend call the cops on my son. When they got there, my son was upstairs in his apartment, so the little bait and trap didn't work. I gave him a new camera for christmas and he recorded the guys threats and insults. The cop said they can't use that because he didn't have permission to tape it, but suggested he go get a restraining order. The judge knew this person very well and gave my son an emergency restraining order and told him to be very careful. We also found out that his last known address was an empty lot and he has moved 13 times in eight years. Not a very good record. I told my husband about the tape and he would't even listen to it. Her also refused to even talk to him to get his side of the problem.

My son sent his daughter and wife away to her parents and came to my house, where I have plenty of room, until he found another place. He doesn't want to put his wife and baby in danger. Since he has been here (two weeks)my husband has been rude, angry and unsociable to both of us. My son already has a new place, and has all planned to move in a couple of days, but my husband won't let it go. He keeps attacking me and my son verbally and treating us both like crap. I don't understand why he is acting this way. It is completely irrational. I have had his children here many times for extended periods of time and always made them feel welcome. 

Maybe he will calm down after my son moves, but I don't know if I can forgive him for the way he is behaving. In my family, we support and help each other, We don't take the side of a stranger against our own. I don't know how this can ever be smoothed over. There are a lot of hurt and angry feelings.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Randi said:


> However, my husband defends him even when there is proof about his devious behavior. I even caught him sneaking into my personal computor and he denied it. Told his father I just don't like him etc.


Your H defended him against molestation, knowing he had committed the crime. im not sure it gets any worse then that. You can be sure NOTHING will ever be his sons's fault and so it has to be your fault. Of course your H will continue to support and house drug addicts, felon's etc. That is what his son is. 

i dont usually say this, but id say get out of there. i think its a lost cause. Its good that you're seeing the signs now, but what that really tells me is you also need a lot of help.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Have you considered the possibility that that apt. building is being used for drug deals? Of course, your stepson and H are getting a good cut, and your son almost ruined it for them, what with having the cops there.


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## Randi (Dec 23, 2008)

In reply to Ruth, I am not sure my H believed his son was guilty. He always insisted he had been set up and did time unfairly. I thought that in the beginning, and really felt sorry for him His life had been ruined by a miscarriage of justice. I am still not quite sure. However, I have seen how convincing a liar he is and how he manipulates his father. Now after learning how sneaky he can be and how he is trying to alienate everyone from his father so he can be #1, I am not so sure. Maybe I was conned, but I do know his father was devastated and heartsick over the situation. I think even if he was innocent he learned a lot of bad things in prison and probably made friends with some pretty bad people. He apparently appears to be a model citizen and to have "gone straight". I have read up on it and a sociopath can blend very well into society and adapt to the circumstances. He has to play the role but underneath he is not a good person He enjoys creating conflict and ruining relationships while playing the "good son".


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## Randi (Dec 23, 2008)

F102, I really hadn't considered that at all. I wouldn't be surprised at my step son being a party to it, but my husband is trying to retire and has given him a "free hand" in running things. I feel he is frustrated with the way things are being run, but for some reason cannot accept that his son is not who he thinks he is. He is in denial. I have thought that maybe this tenant is from my step son's past and is blackmailing them. The whole thing is so unreal to me. I come from a very law abiding family where no one has had anything more serious than a parking ticket! I feel like I am living in a "Lifetime" movie.


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