# HELP!!! Can I get her back?



## summersoul

Hi everyone,

Me and my girl were together for 2 and a half years. The relationship was rocky, especially in the last few months. We had trust issues and argued a lot. I tend to say bad things to someone, when I am angry. One month ago she broke up with me, because we were arguing too much and I said bad things to her out of anger... She told me she cant handle it anymore and that I will never change. At this time she also had an abortion. We decided both that it is the best thing to do after she got pregnant.

So after she broke up with me, I was begging, calling and tried to talk her out of this desicion. I told her I changed and learned from my mistakes. So one week ago I thought she got warmed up, we were flirting, we had contact and even met up but i guess I took things too fast, tried to touch her but she was distant and didnt like it. A week later she told me that I am moving too fast and she needs much more time before even thinking of get physical again. I told her I will give her time and would be happy if we still would be in contact. So now we are still in contact but she just replies to my messages, she never asks something and is very distant. Now she doesnt want to meet me and everytime I offer a meeting she denies it. It´s like she is cold and distant again like shortly after the break up.

She also is dealing with the abortion and its hard for her. She feels guilty and is confused, I know that by the way she is talking about it. Maybe this is one reason why she is so distant. When we met each other it seemed like she sort of doesn´t want to see me. I also got the feeling that she is still very angry about my verbally abusive behaviour after the breakup..

But I love this girl so much.. Even if she is telling me, she has no feelings for me at all, I think she still got feelings but they are kind of burried under the anger and the emotional pain and stress she is going through.

I really want her back but don´t know what would be the best to get her to open up?? I thought about no contact for a few weeks and then try again but I don´t know if that would help? I mean we got contact until this day but the way she is responding is so cold and hurts me so much.. even if she is answering all of my messages.. Should I ask her to leave her alone for a while? Or should I just keep contact and try? I don´t know what to do and I am feeling so hopeless..

Please!!! Help!


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## clipclop2

She just had an abortion. And you helped.

Leave her alone.


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## 6301

Friend, she has a lot on her plate right now so if I were you, I would giver her some space and take things slow. 

 Next thing. I don't know who your trying to fool but you have a bad temper and engage your mouth before you think and you can't learn that lesson in a week. 

My advice is to seek some help with your outbursts and work on you to be a better person, then try helping her by adjusting your tone of voice and talk rather than scream and call names. Good Luck.


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## commonsenseisn't

So you really think you've already reversed an abuse pattern that took you a lifetime to acquire? 

She would be a fool to take you back until you have at least a couple years of stellar performance behind you. She would also be a fool to wait that long for you to resolve your issues. 

Let her go and move on.


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## Blossom Leigh

Professional anger management help and work for you

Respect and Compassion for her.

ADDING: as well as immense patience and space for her to heal.


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## SamuraiJack

If you REALLY love her...then she needs space and time.
You need some work on yourself.

Above all..NO BEGGING, NO WHINING, and NO PLEADING!
Thats just drives them away.

Go with Blossom's route.


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## ArmyofJuan

summersoul said:


> The relationship was rocky, especially in the last few months. We had trust issues and argued a lot. I tend to say bad things to someone, when I am angry. One month ago she broke up with me, because we were arguing too much and I said bad things to her out of anger... She told me she cant handle it anymore and that I will never change.


Wait, you WANT to go back to this. This may be a shock but most relationships are not like this. 

Your desperation is driving her away. The ONLY way that there would be a chance to get back with her would be if you go NC like everyone said. Leave her alone.

Every time she sees/hears from you reminds of of why she left. Once you are out of the picture for a while she may end up missing you and minimize the negativity. 

Never pursue someone that dumped you.


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## summersoul

Hi, thank you for the replies.

So I went for NC and did not contact her for about a week. Few days ago she saw me with another girl in town. She was standing a little bit away as we were walking by. This girl was just a friend but we were holding hands.. just for fun. And I didn´t say hi to my Ex because I was afraid of her reaction.

The next day she sent me a message: So you are moving so fast to another girl and acting like u don´t know me.. I wish u much fun with her, treat her right.

I didn´t respond to that message but why is she accusing me? She was the one who broke up. She was the one who was cold and distant and didn´t want to meet me anymore, even after I told her that we could take things slow..

Help, what should I do now?? I still want her back and I didn´t want to hurt her. The other girl means nothing to me. Why didn´t she ask and is accusing me of that? I ignored her just because I am sick and tired of running after her and get rejected..


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## Blossom Leigh

How big is the town you are in?


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