# Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I mentioned this in a couple other posts on other topics but I don't want to hijack those threads. 

as a disclaimer, I am not talking about wanting to get back together with an ex per se. 

I am talking about have you ever wanted to hook up with an old lover from your youth now that you are older and wiser and have more sexual experience and skilz?

Have you ever been with someone sexually in your younger and less experienced days and just know in your heart you didn't do it for them?

Would you like a chance to try again and show 'em what you got today???

If you are a guy and you got a little too overexcited and came too fast, would you like a chance to go the distance with an old lover now? 

If you are woman who had zero BJ skilz with the quarterback that one night after the homecoming game, would you like to reduce him to a pile of blubbering protoplasm with your skilz now? 

If you believe a previous GF/BF/spouse cheated on you and/or left you do to lack of prowess in the bedroom, would you like to show them what you got now and what they are missing now? 

Do you have any fumbling, awkward experiences or even sexual disasters from your youth that you would like a rematch and a chance to redeem yourself or see what you can do now???

And on the flip side - is there a former lover that just didn't cut it for you back in the day but you fantasize that he/she is much better now and would like to see what they can do now after having some more experience??


Again, I am not talking about trying to get back together with an ex or even rekindling an old flame per se (but if you would like to do that, that is OK too) 

What are your thoughts on a rematch with a previous lover(s)?


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

No.

I chalk it down to playing the cards I was dealt at that point in my life, with the knowledge/skills I had with me. It all adds to experiences down the track.

Never really been an issue, and when there might have been an issue, I know I did whatever I could to assist in making the experiences fun, enjoyable, and possibly memorable.

Me wanting revisit times when that wasn't the case, and attempt to 'one up' myself, would only be to satisfy ego, and I'd rather look forward than backward.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

Not so much an ex lover because I never had sex with her.
There was a girl I would date when I was younger who was absolutely beautiful.She was also kind,gentle,generous and really one of the best people I have ever met.
But she wouldn’t put out,she was saving herself for marriage.And that didn’t suit young Andy lol.
We stopped dating but we stayed friends,then I started traveling so we lost touch.The next time I heard from her was when she sent me an invitation to her wedding.
She is about ten years married and is now pregnant with what I think is child number eight.
She obviously liked sex when she started having it and I often wondered what it would have been like if I had stayed with her.
Probably a complete ****ing disaster if I’m honest.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

I'll share my thoughts since the thread I posted about this got closed for other reasons. 

Some other posts in some other threads have really got me fantasizing about a rematch with a couple of my first GFs from my youth. 

A couple of my first 'real' relationships were with young women that I really liked and were relationships although in our combined youth and inexperience, they were not sexually satisfying for them. 

To be blunt, I was not able to get them off. I tried. I was sincere in wanting to please them and I was very conscientious about their pleasure and I was never slam-bam for my own pleasure. 

I wasn't even really a two-stroker with PE (well Ok, yeah there was that one time :-( 

But I just did not have the no-how and the skilz and the prowess to get the job done for them. 

In time they each got out and partied, hooked up with some dude(s) that could get them off and I was given my pink slip within days. 

As time went on, I got with other women that were older and more experienced and knew what worked for them and knew how to communicate their needs and desires and things then worked out for everyone and a good time was had by all if you know what I mean. 

So now here I am 30 years later with a lifetime of experience and skillsets in my sexual toolbox and even one experience of getting together with a former FWB a few years ago that was *AWESOME*and now I am finding myself really fantasizing about getting with a couple of my first GFs and seeing what we can do between the sheets now that we each have decades of experience and confidence and communications skills under our belts. 

I don't want to get back together with them in terms of marriage or anything and I am sure they wouldn't want to get back with me even if I did. I just want to get back in saddle and please them and make it a different experience for them than what it was back in the day. 

Back in the day it was great for me and I was all-in. but it wasn't as good for them and I'd just like a chance to clear my name and put a wicked grin on their face.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My answer is no. But I’ve heard from a few past lovers that they wish they had a do over with me. 

Not a chance. If the sex sucked for me I’m not gonna offer my body up again just so he can convince himself of something. Just deal with it, you blew your chance and it’s over, but it’s not the end of the world. And if a guy is that hung up on me when the sex was bad for me, I’d be creeped out.

The few guys who have said this to me were able to do it and still save face. As in, I liked them as people and they did not do anything to harm me. When they said it, it was jovial and provocative but not too forward or literal. I laughed them off with class and pretended they never said it later.

If a man I really cared about from my past come back into my life and there was the potential to date each other again, even if the sex was bad before, I would entertain that. Though there are no guys like that I can think of.

If there were times I had sex when I could have been better at it, I’m not aware of them. Even when I was with the guys who wish they got a second chance, I was good even if they weren’t. 

Though to be fair, it’s more difficult for a man to be good at sex for a woman than it is for a woman to be good at sex for a man.

We all get better at it over time.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

Nope.

A go back in time Mulligan? Maybe...

A retry decades later? Nope and nope!

I actually don't look at sex as a performance or sport at all though.

I see it as intimate enjoyment between lovers.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

I commented on the other thread but I'll put my thoughts here. I recently had an ex, who is now a friend, express his desire to sleep with me again. It has been about 25 years since we broke up. He has mentioned that he is "So much better in bed now" but to be honest, I had no complaints at the time. I'm not sure what he thought he had to improve. Maybe he made things better for himself by being more open to his needs? But he never seemed shy about expressing them back then so I have no idea. I didn't ask as I didn't want to encourage him at all.

On the flip side for me is the fantasy that I could get with my first again. I was a very inexperienced 20yo and he was 26. So the fantasy of showing him what I've learned is a nice fantasy, but it's just that. Truth be told, he was a bit of a selfish lover which I didn't realize until I was with the man mentioned above. So while it would be nice to knock his socks off, I doubt he'd knock mine off. Although there is always the possibility that he, too, has learned a lot over the years. Like, if you have to ask, it didn't happen. And if she says no, you should do something about it and not just shrug your shoulders and roll over. LOL


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

Good points. 

I have a few questions and comments in bold below. 




Faithful Wife said:


> My answer is no. But I’ve heard from a few past lovers that they wish they had a do over with me.
> 
> *I guess I'm not the only one that's had that thought go through my mind :-D*
> 
> ...


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

No, most were prior for a very good reason.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

A do over, because I was young and not having sex yet when I knew him/dated him---if I could I'd go back and have sex with a guy named Eric from high school. The best kissing ever, in my life-- to date.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



notmyjamie said:


> I commented on the other thread but I'll put my thoughts here. I recently had an ex, who is now a friend, express his desire to sleep with me again. It has been about 25 years since we broke up. He has mentioned that he is "So much better in bed now" but to be honest, I had no complaints at the time. I'm not sure what he thought he had to improve. Maybe he made things better for himself by being more open to his needs? But he never seemed shy about expressing them back then so I have no idea. I didn't ask as I didn't want to encourage him at all.
> 
> On the flip side for me is the fantasy that I could get with my first again. I was a very inexperienced 20yo and he was 26. So the fantasy of showing him what I've learned is a nice fantasy, but it's just that. Truth be told, he was a bit of a selfish lover which I didn't realize until I was with the man mentioned above. So while it would be nice to knock his socks off, I doubt he'd knock mine off. Although there is always the possibility that he, too, has learned a lot over the years. Like, if you have to ask, it didn't happen. And if she says no, you should do something about it and not just shrug your shoulders and roll over. LOL


This is off topic and changing gears quite a bit but it's my thread so I can hijack it if I want LOL - but this above is why it is often better off for guys to be the jerk. 

Here you are 25+ years later and you are fantasizing about being with the jerk again but you are stiff-arming the guy that treated you well. 

I'm not trying to criticize you or anything, I just couldn't help but notice the irony.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



notmyjamie said:


> On the flip side for me is the fantasy that I could get with my first again. I was a very inexperienced 20yo and he was 26. So the fantasy of showing him what I've learned is a nice fantasy, but it's just that. Truth be told, he was a bit of a selfish lover which I didn't realize until I was with the man mentioned above. So while it would be nice to knock his socks off, I doubt he'd knock mine off. Although there is always the possibility that he, too, has learned a lot over the years. Like, if you have to ask, it didn't happen. And if she says no, you should do something about it and not just shrug your shoulders and roll over. LOL


Now to get back on topic - I do appreciate you sharing this. 

And to be completely honest, one of the gals that I'd like a rematch with is much the same as what you describe above. 

She was not an actual GF at all but just someone I hung out with and had a couple awkward and unsuccessful hook ups where even I did not "finish." 

In fact she was a bit of a Cee Uou Next Tuesday if you know what I mean. 

A part of that particular case probably is a bit of a ego thing where I'd like to turn her into a quivering bowl of jelly and have her say, "Wowza!!!" at the end and have her wanting a rematch. 

And who knows, maybe she's come down off her high horse and back down to earth by now. 

Why do we go to class reunions - because we want to see people from out past and see what they've been up and see how they've turned out and see how we compare and in the mean time do a little catching up and see what our relationship with them now is like.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

n


oldshirt said:


> (1a) I am talking about have you ever wanted to hook up with an old lover from your youth now that you are older and wiser and have more sexual experience and skilz?
> 
> (1b)Would you like a chance to try again and show 'em what you got today???
> 
> ...


Some sex fantasies should not become reality.

(1a&b) In high school there was this girl from the other high school I meet each Friday night at a CYA dance for over 2 years. Whenever either of would arrive at the dance we would leave our friends and head straight for each other to dance. We were both horny, but I had no idea about sex with a woman or dating. We absolutely loved slow dancing and pressing our groins together while feeling the warmth of each others bodies and breath. She loved to put her hands on my butt! I think she loved grinding on my erection and giving me blue balls. We always arrived at the dance separately and left separately. I regret not having taken her to my Jr or Senior prom. Of course if I had dated her one on one, I would probably gotten her pregnant and ended up marrying her and not going to college. 

If it were a redo with our skills and bodies today, she would not be able to get pregnant and we would both know how to fully enjoy ourselves and each other. She was in many respects a true regret. A very nice person, fun to talk to and a real high desire woman, who loved to turn me on.

(2) In my sophomore year in college I took a woman that I had been dating for a few months to an out of town college sponsored skiing event. We were both technically virgins, but had brought each other to orgasm by making out many, many times. I got my own private room at the hotel we were staying at, we had some under age drinks with the group and went up to my room and started making out. I was hoping we would loose our virginity that night, but she panicked and we both didn't handle it well. That was our last date. By then I knew what condoms were.

I have always thought that if I had handled it better, I could have reassured her and gone much more slowly by doing what we had done many times before and in the morning tried for a more complete encore! I would like to have that night over with what I know now and her former high school cheerleader incredible body! Oh she was hot! Oh well.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Emerging Buddhist said:


> No, most were prior for a very good reason.


Point taken. but I think for a couple of people, that reason was that I didn't please them in bed enough. 

It's not that anyone did anything bad (until they screwed someone else and left me for them LOL ) it is that I didn't care of business between the sheets well enough for them. 

I feel like that reason was on me. (probably wasn't in reality, but I've always felt like it was)


Some people have fantasies of revenge on ex's or fantasies of the ex laying prostrate on the ground in the rain begging to come back etc I really don't have that.

My fantasy is tearing it up with a couple specific people and making them cum as hard as they made me and then them laying there is a panting, breathless pool of sweat saying, "Dayum that was good!!!" ;-) 


Although they are good people and presumably good wives and mothers etc, I don't want to get back together with them as a couple. Just redeem myself in their vagina's eyes so to speak LOL


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

No, no, no, and no. 
Never entered my head to want to be with past boyfriends.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> Good points.
> 
> I have a few questions and comments in bold below.
> 
> ...


Assuming that any guy who wanted a chance to have sex with me again would only be because he wants to prove to himself that he can make me O and leave me a pool of jelly is in no way appealing to me.

No.

Gross.

It’s all about his ego.

Wanting to “give me pleasure” is nonsense. He just wants his ego soothed.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Faithful Wife said:


> Assuming that any guy who wanted a chance to have sex with me again would only be because he wants to prove to himself that he can make me O and leave me a pool of jelly is in no way appealing to me.
> 
> .


Why would you assume that the only reason a guy would want to be with you again would be his own ego??? Wouldn't that be a negative ding against you because that's kind of implying that it wasn't really a good experience for him and that he was just wanting to stroke his own ego? 

I can see why the thought of a self ego-stroke would be a turnoff, but why would you jump to that assumption? 


In your first post you said that you were good and had nothing you thought you needed to improve on so assuming that a guy enjoyed it, why wouldn't he want to do it again and try to do better and make it a better experience for you? To say that a guy would only want a repeat performance is due to his own ego seems a bit shortsighted. 


…..and besides, this is all largely fantasy and dreaming anyway so why not dream big and embrace the fantasy of being in a breathless, sweaty pool of jelly! ;-) :-D


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Assuming that any guy who wanted a chance to have sex with me again would only be because he wants to prove to himself that he can make me O and leave me a pool of jelly is in no way appealing to me.
> ...


No.

Just, gross.

Nothing you’ve just said is about me (or “her”) it’s all about him.

I have no fantasies where someone who wasn’t good at sex for me comes back into my life and we have sex again and it’s good.

Instead, I just have good sex with people who are in my life now and don’t have one thought about some guy who sucked in bed in my past.

The idea that somehow having sex with him again would be in any way valuable to me is just, gross.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Faithful Wife said:


> Assuming that any guy who wanted a chance to have sex with me again would only be because he wants to prove to himself that he can make me O and leave me a pool of jelly is in no way appealing to me.
> 
> No.
> 
> ...


An interesting topic.

Yes, if I'm understanding this topic right by @oldshirt, it by the subject lines very nature all about the ego.

And because it's imagination, that's ok, certainly every fantasy is just that, fantasy, and the "fantasizer" can make it about almost anything at all.

An interesting topic. 

Would I want to go back for a do-over? No. 

In a fantasy, would I want to do them again, just to "do" them again? Hey, you bet. I had a good time then, repeat sex would be great, just to spend time with their naked selves.

This is all imaginary discussion so it would be ok.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> This is off topic and changing gears quite a bit but it's my thread so I can hijack it if I want LOL - but this above is why it is often better off for guys to be the jerk.
> 
> Here you are 25+ years later and you are fantasizing about being with the jerk again but you are stiff-arming the guy that treated you well.
> 
> I'm not trying to criticize you or anything, I just couldn't help but notice the irony.


LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you only knew. The guy that was good in bed was great in bed but horrible in every other aspect. He did not treat me well, believe me. He was so totally controlling and very emotionally abusive and was well on his way to becoming physically abusive. Many years later I learned he has borderline personality disorder with severe narcissistic tendencies. My reason for not having another go is that as soon as we were done, he would think of me as "his" again and while he's great in bed, it's just not worth dealing with all that again.

As for the other guy, I worked with him and he cheated on me with another coworker and married her. Ouch. It's strictly a fantasy about showing him what he gave up, nothing more. Just a chance to show him I got much better at it. I would never sleep with him again either.

In the end, both are just a fantasy, but the first guy has offered himself up so it could be a reality if I wanted, but that would be way too unhealthy. I haven't seen the other guy in 30 years so that is strictly fantasy but even if I had the chance, I wouldn't really do it. 

It is funny how things come across in a post. Both guys had their issues and neither treated me well. That's why I'm not with either of them now! I do go for the nice guys...probably because of what I dealt with while I was with these two.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> Now to get back on topic - I do appreciate you sharing this.
> 
> And to be completely honest, one of the gals that I'd like a rematch with is much the same as what you describe above.
> 
> ...


That is a perfect description of what the fantasy of being with my first again is about. But, in truth, for all I know, I wouldn't be able to do that to him in just one night. I can do that to my husband but we've had years to figure each other out. So again, it's all a fantasy. 

It's just like when you drive around in your car winning arguments. Then you see the person and they NEVER respond the way they did in your head. I'm sure this would be the same. LOL


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Faithful Wife said:


> No.
> 
> Just, gross.
> 
> ...


I'm not seeing it that way at all and don't think we're on the same sheet of music at all. 

I don't see me fantasizing about making it a better and more satisfying experience for someone as my own ego-stroke at all. 

I get that people typically do not want to hook up with people they've dumped in the past and weren't satisfied with then, so I can understand not actually going to bed with an ex. I don't dispute that fact.

But I really don't see it as a purely ego-stroke or only about me in the slightest at all. 

Now I'm not trying to sound like Mother Theresa or the Dali Lhama and doing it out of pure selflessness and generosity - I mean let's be real, I did sincerely like the girls and enjoyed our sex lives so it's not I wouldn't enjoy it myself and have a good time as well. 

But I'm not connecting the dots on it just being an ego stroke. 

I don't have any plans of actually ever approaching them about this, but if it were to ever come up, I would certainly hope they would not interpret it in manner you state for that would absolutely not be my intent or agenda. 

The time I did get with a previous FWB from decades prior, it was wonderful and good time was had by all and the of ego-stroking was never even imagined or mentioned. 

Maybe I'm missing something or maybe since it is my fantasy, then everything is spectacular and perfect, but I completely disagree that it's just an ego strike and unless your previous lover was a completely egotistical, selfish jerk, I doubt if he intended it that way either.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > No.
> ...


So her curling her toes because you are such a good lover now is for her?

Even though she doesn’t need you in order to get toe curling sex?

How again is it for her?

Sorry, I don’t buy any of it.

We don’t need to look at our past bad sex experiences in order to find good sex. Why would we? What is in it for us to “give him a chance?” 

As I have moved on from such experiences and never looked back other than to be happy I got away, how in the world would it benefit me to have sex with someone who is essentially just wanting to assuage his own bad feelings about it?

Trust me, no guy who sucked in bed “owes” me a good time now. All is forgotten and there is no going back. Sorry, Charlie.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Faithful Wife said:


> So her curling her toes because you are such a good lover now is for her?
> 
> Even though she doesn’t need you in order to get toe curling sex?
> 
> ...


So a reunion in bed with a previous lover is not one of your fantasies - I get it and I understand it's not your thang.

But that doesn't mean you know what my motivations are or what my fantasy is about for me or anyone else that may fantasize about getting together with a previous lover. 

You may have a bad taste in your mouth from your previous endeavors (no pun intended) but that doesn't mean everyone does. Many people harbor various fantasies about prior loves in one form or another but that doesn't mean it's anything sick or nefarious or completely self-serving. 

You may feel guys are on an ego trip if they fantasize about getting with a prior love and doing better, but that's your hang up, not mine or anyone else's.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> So a reunion in bed with a previous lover is not one of your fantasies - I get it and I understand it's not your thang.
> 
> But that doesn't mean you know what my motivations are or what my fantasy is about for me or anyone else that may fantasize about getting together with a previous lover.
> 
> ...


Have at it, I get it. Fantasy is fantasy.

For me, fantasy is purely about me and what I want. Which has never ever been a past lover who was crappy sex for me.

I do remember fondly and in fantasy about previous experiences and lovers who really rocked me. They hold a dear place in my heart and body forever. I also fondly remember the bodies of the ones who had just banging good bods. Yumm.

To be a bit more clear, clumsy youthful fumbling isn’t that bad. Actual bad is bad. There’s a difference. An eager young man is not the worst type of bad sex there can be. So while I do not fantasize or ever think about my youngest experiences, I also don’t have any negative thoughts about them. The negative thoughts are about sex that was just bad and it didn’t matter the age or experience level of the person. Bad is bad. Ew. 

I haven’t had a lot of bad sex but what I’ve had I would never ever go back to those people for another ride. I don’t wish them harm either and I’m always happy about it when I hear they have someone new or whatever and have moved on.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

*Absolutely no desire to touch them whatsoever again, as I have nothing to either prove or disprove!

In my minds eye, those scurrilous historical icons have more than proven themselves as being vastly unworthy of my love and affection!
In a sentence, "they are now dead to me!"

The sex that I choose to have is strictly reserved for those women who garner my admiration, love, and respect! 

And I theirs!*


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

No. No. No.
That thought is just gross to me.

I'm female and was the better lover in my past anyway, so I have nothing to prove to an ex.

As to wanting to see if they have improved, no thank you. Not interested.

I'm sure we have all improved our skills over the years. I certainly hope so anyway. 
But I do not need to know that an ex got better at sex, it's of no importance to me now.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

OH. Interesting question. I have not had any exs. I have been with the same man since we were at school (me 14 him 16) Lost virginity to him at 23, married at 25 him 27. No ex. 

I would imagine that those with exs have left the for a good reason and would not want to go back. Might be wrong.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> I mentioned this in a couple other posts on other topics but I don't want to hijack those threads.
> 
> as a disclaimer, I am not talking about wanting to get back together with an ex per se.
> 
> ...


I'd rather it be with a new lover. I can think of a few I did not have sex with because I was dating my first before marriage. That could be interesting. I don't know. Anyway, those days are gone. No sense in wishing for things that will not happen. Best to work on today.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Faithful Wife said:


> My answer is no. But I’ve heard from a few past lovers that they wish they had a do over with me.
> 
> Not a chance. If the sex sucked for me I’m not gonna offer my body up again just so he can convince himself of something. Just deal with it, you blew your chance and it’s over, but it’s not the end of the world. And if a guy is that hung up on me when the sex was bad for me, I’d be creeped out.
> 
> ...


Really appreciated that honesty. Thanks.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> What are your thoughts on a rematch with a previous lover(s)?


Oh _hell _no. I'm the one who had to train them in the first place, so there's no reason to revisit them.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Faithful Wife said:


> Though to be fair, it’s more difficult for a man to be good at sex for a woman than it is for a woman to be good at sex for a man.


It's interesting to have that acknowledged directly.

And I think this has much larger consequences than it would seem on the surface.

What would keep a woman from sexual satisfying a man? A man with lots of options might be in a position to pass on a woman who doesn't give good head or shows little enthusiasm. But men with few options are going to live with whatever they get (obviously including an orgasm for him, which is pretty much a given).

What would keep a man from sexually satisfying a woman? Plenty. Penises on the tail ends of the distribution curve (too small & too big; too much girth or too little, shape, etc.) are going to be a problem for a woman who enjoys PIV (and I would think that includes plenty of women who don't orgasm from PIV). Nothing a guy can do about that.

Premature ejaculation. This can apparently be improved with practice, but who are you going to "practice" with?

Performance Anxiety. Penises are like playing tennis. Everything works fine until to start thinking to much about what you're doing. Then nothing works. Again, practice. But with whom? Women's mental states can certainly affect their ability to orgasm (and often do, which is a problem) but they usually don't affect their ability to satisfy their partner. And it's not going to be hard to talk her partner into "practicing" more.

ED. 

Although improving technique is an option available to all men, there has to be enough encounters to master them.

I wonder what the percentage of sexually dysfunctional men is? 10%, 20%, 50+% ?. (This would be a sexual dysfunction that happens often enough for him to worry about). 

And this affects who you partner with. If a sexually dysfunctional guy is fortunate enough to find someone to partner with, it's likely to be an emotionally unhealthy woman, one who doesn't care about sex or one who *does* care about sex but is willing to sacrifice a good sex life for other things.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

Yes, I fantasize sometimes about guys from my past and what it would be like now. Usually it's around something that I remembered about them.

But it has nothing to do with wanting to show them how "great" I am now. Or that I'm better than I was before. And I would not want anyone so eager to redeem themselves and their ego to show me that they are a great lover now. Yuck.

As others have hinted, I think the whole ego thing and performance oneupmanship, etc. is not really how I see it. I thought that "rematch" was a funny word when I read the title but then when I read your post I see that's how you view it - like it's a competition.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> I mentioned this in a couple other posts on other topics but I don't want to hijack those threads.
> 
> as a disclaimer, I am not talking about wanting to get back together with an ex per se.
> 
> ...


The idea of using sex as a competition and/or a way to "show" someone is pretty messed up.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

There was a Seinfeld episode where Jerry wanted a "rematch" with Elaine


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Faithful Wife said:


> Though to be fair, it’s more difficult for a man to be good at sex for a woman than it is for a woman to be good at sex for a man.


The jury is still out for me on this statement.

It might generally be true?

I'm examining myself and I'm really not sure it is true for me?

I haven't had the experiences most men have had, however, so my perception is often skewed by my individual history.

Men like @Andy1001 and @Personal seem to have had similar experiences?

I have had women just melt and explode at touching them without any special technique and I have had some ladies do their level best to rock me with very "meh" results.

Mrs. C and I have had similar experiences together.

There have been times when I was barely along for the ride and she was on a rocket ride to the moon!

Likewise, there have been times when she started giggling because I was climaxing so hard that someone would have called an ambulance in a different situation, while she was simply satisfied with the session.

Maybe that statement is true for many? I haven't experienced it so much.

I will say that I do believe that women have a bit more complex sexuality including their physiology.

The pure physical skill a man needs to bring most women off really might need to be more extensive than his female counterpart. I can agree with you there.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Buddy400 said:


> There was a Seinfeld episode where Jerry wanted a "rematch" with Elaine


I could see it in a situation like that where a couple are still close friends and single.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



JustTheWife said:


> As others have hinted, I think the whole ego thing and performance oneupmanship, etc. is not really how I see it. I thought that "rematch" was a funny word when I read the title but then when I read your post I see that's how you view it - like it's a competition.


I kinda feel bad that this is how many of you are interpreting it because that is not my intent or how I view it all. 

I guess I don't know how else to word it.

I definately did not want it to imply wanting to get back together again with an ex, but didn't know how else to word it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

It would be like saying to yourself “remember that random diner I stopped at on that road trip that time...and the food was totally forgettable and completely irrelevant to my life now? In fact I only ate it because I was hungry, I was waiting for a better place to eat though and wasn’t sure if we hit another diner that night. Hey, I wonder if for some reason that place is under new management or has a new cook, or maybe their cook went to chef school and is now making culinary masterpieces. I think I’ll fantasize about how much better it will taste if the cook went to chef academy...yum yum! Now I’m going to fantasize about the better food there for a long time until it seems really, really important to me and I can’t help myself but go eat there!”

Who does that? Literally no one.

Whereas of course the exepeinces that were good for you, you are going to remember those fondly. Who doesn’t? Literally no one.

No one wants to revisit something that was bad the first time.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> I kinda feel bad that this is how many of you are *interpreting *it because that is not my intent or how I view it all.
> 
> I guess I don't know how else to word it.
> 
> I definately did not want it to imply wanting to get back together again with an ex, but didn't know how else to word it.


It's weird. Did your subconscious choose your words are pretty consistent. You use the term "rematch" in the title. Then your first couple of speculations were about someone you did not do it for. You lost, now you want to "prove" how much better you are now. If it were me, I would be looking for insecurity in myself.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> I kinda feel bad that this is how many of you are interpreting it because that is not my intent or how I view it all.
> 
> I guess I don't know how else to word it.
> 
> I definately did not want it to imply wanting to get back together again with an ex, but didn't know how else to word it.


You should not feel bad but I think we interpreted it the way we did because you used many examples and they pretty much all included proving something - you're better now than you were, etc.

Fantasizing about an ex does not have to be about wanting to get back together with them. Nor does it have to be about proving something to them and you're point was all about proving something. Some obvious reasons to fantasize about sleeping with an ex might be that you liked how he or she did it. You liked certain aspects of their body. You just liked them a lot and they made you feel good. Maybe you want to see how it would be now that you both have more maturity and experience and maybe a safe place to do it, etc. But that doesn't need to be about competition.

Sure competition or your "rating" from 1 to 10 on skill, etc might be part of it for some but I doubt that's how most people think about their former lovers - e.g. I want to go back and prove something to him or her. See i'm not really an awful lover. Now I'm fantastic.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

For me, the best thing an ex lover who was bad for me could do would be to just hope that I’ve moved on to something better and to let me go in his head. If he can say to himself “gosh I was clueless at that time, it must have been horrible for her, I just hope she’s had better since then and that she has a happy and fulfilled sex life” then I would know he is in a healthy place relative to our actual relationship.

If instead he is convincing himself that I for some reason am still thinking of him and want anything to do with him, he would be showing he is out of touch with reality. 

Now, I’m not saying he shouldn’t still fantasize about me in general. We can’t stop what people are thinking about us, and ex lovers always have the ability and right to fantasize about us however they choose.

It’s just that fantasy about an actual person that includes some kind of scenario where they follow a script you give them and so forth, well those fantasies are not always healthy or productive. If they are just a character in your scene doing what you want them to, then fine, but the moment you tell yourself that this might be what the other person is fantasizing about too, you are on thin ice. This is not always true, but in the circumstances old shirt is describing it is.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



JustTheWife said:


> You should not feel bad but I think we interpreted it the way we did because you used many examples and they pretty much all included proving something - you're better now than you were, etc.
> 
> Fantasizing about an ex does not have to be about wanting to get back together with them. Nor does it have to be about proving something to them and you're point was all about proving something. Some obvious reasons to want to sleep with an ex might be that you liked how he or she did it. You liked certain aspects of their body. You just liked them a lot and they made you feel good. Maybe you want to see how it would be now that you both have more maturity and experience and maybe a safe place to do it, etc. But that doesn't need to be about competition.
> 
> Sure competition or your "rating" from 1 to 10 on skill, etc might be part of it for some but I doubt that's how most people think about their former lovers - e.g. I want to go back and prove something to him or her. See i'm not really an awful lover. Now I'm fantastic.


Yup. "Skilz" (wtf?) is not something I spend a lot of time worrying about... until a man without any goes down on me. :nono:


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Faithful Wife said:


> .....
> Though to be fair, it’s more difficult for a man to be good at sex for a woman than it is for a woman to be good at sex for a man.
> 
> We all get better at it over time.


 @faithfulwife

This is a great verbalization if you will, of yes, this the case, and often the subject most often unsaid. 
@Buddy400, Buddy included this in his comments too, he added more, to give him credit. 

It is easier for a woman to be "better at sex" than men, for multiple reasons.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

It's just that I've been surprised and even a little saddened that so many people have taken it so negatively. That was not my intent.

I thought it could be a fun and lighthearted thread as many of us have had awkward and fumbling moments in our youth and I many times you hear people say, "I wish I knew then what I know now."

I regret that several of you have taken it so dark and sinister. 

Perhaps my verbiage was a little too flippant but I don't feel it to be an ego trip or a competition or anything dark and wicked in my heart.

The people I have in mind when I think about this were girls I cared very much for and have find memories and we are on each other's friends lists today.

I believe if one was to ask them about our relationship, they would say I was a good guy but things just didn't work out permanently.

I don't think either of them would even say that the sex was "bad" or that I was a bad lover per se - just inexperienced and learning the ropes , as were they. 

To me it is a fun and sexy fantasy and I mean no offense and do not see it as anything dark or nefarious. 

I was just posting this as a thread to see if anyone might share this fantasy to one degree or an other.

A few have. But a number of others have taken it as something altogether different that was never intended.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

Maybe another way for me to word it is what some of you are accusing me of, I do not feel in my heart. 

I do not believe it is the actual context of what I am trying to write about and get across.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> Maybe another way for me to word it is what some of you are accusing me of, I do not feel in my heart.
> 
> I do not believe it is the actual context of what I am trying to write about and get across.


I didn't take this as a dark one. I definitely wasn't interested in having a rematch and it did sound like you were kind of wanting to do a better performance or compete with your younger self.

Have I had fantasies about going back and doing things differently? Yup. I don't have them anymore and haven't for years though.

I am upping my game with my own lady and enjoying the progress!:grin2:


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> It's just that I've been surprised and even a little saddened that so many people have taken it so negatively. That was not my intent.
> 
> I thought it could be a fun and lighthearted thread as many of us have had awkward and fumbling moments in our youth and I many times you hear people say, "I wish I knew then what I know now."
> 
> ...





oldshirt said:


> Maybe another way for me to word it is what some of you are accusing me of, I do not feel in my heart.
> 
> I do not believe it is the actual context of what I am trying to write about and get across.


I don't think anyone is accusing you of anything. Speaking for myself, I just did not relate to what you wrote. Often I feel differently from what people express here but usually I can relate to it on some level.

Anyway, don't beat yourself up for it. I've been misunderstood here more than once.

Yes, I sometimes fantasize about guys that I had sex with in the past and yes, it can be fun and a little naughty since I'm married.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

She was beautiful, exotic, and sultry, and she jerked me all around until I was a mess. Then she dumped me. She called five years later and wanted to get together again. Oh, I forgot. She screwed four of my friends. Anyway, I didn't get together. Now I wouldn't touch her with your ten foot pole.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

I wouldn't mind a "rematch" with a couple of the _best_ lovers from my past, only because they were so good. The rest, I can't really remember, nor care to.


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## Nickel Speed (Feb 4, 2019)

I have absolutely zero desire for this.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

I have a pretty funny moment that I'd have loved a do-over about. I was 19, helping out at a horse ranch in Malibu (Yes, really). It was for no money, just food and access to the beach.

So there I am, getting out of the water, park myself on the sand, getting ready to leave soon when my ride will arrive.

This beauty with long brown hair asks me if she can sit with me.

I look up into the sun and see her curves and all sans bathing suit top. I could not even speak, I just nodded my head yes.

I could hardly breathe.

But I managed to calm down some and find out that she was an actress (hello, it's Malibu). I recognized her face (yes, I managed to see her face). I had seen her in a couple of movies.

I really thought in my 19-year-old mind that I was making time, getting to the point of getting her number. 

Right then, she planted a kiss on my lips and laughed. Said I looked like I was going to pass out. Oh, I was! I couldn't breath and doubted the reality of it all.

I hear a voice, and it is not hers.

"It's time to go, I don't have all day."

It's my father, there to drive me back to the other side of LA.

The actress erupts in laughter again and that is the end of it. I shuffle off with my dad.

In the car I say nothing. My dad says "bad timing?"

Yeah, it sure was!

I should have gotten her number somehow.

Not gonna say who she is, but she still is a stunner. Bet for her it was just "Saturday." For me, it is a fond lifelong memory.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



oldshirt said:


> Maybe another way for me to word it is what some of you are accusing me of, I do not feel in my heart.
> 
> I do not believe it is the actual context of what I am trying to write about and get across.


I did not see anyone accuse you of anything. What do you feel you were accused of?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

Yes I would!
Because I heard she has an STD and I like Russian Roulette.


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## Satisfied Mind (Jan 29, 2019)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

Nope, never understood the fascination of hooking up with an ex or former lover.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

No ex's are ex's for a reason.
Best to keep them that way.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



Married but Happy said:


> I wouldn't mind a "rematch" with a couple of the _best_ lovers from my past, only because they were so good. The rest, I can't really remember, nor care to.


I guess I might if any of them had been any where near as good as my husband.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

There were a couple of women that I had relations with after my divorce that I'd had relationships with during my teens. They came about due to happenstance and not something that I actively sought out. We had friends in common,so our orbits would naturally cross on occasions. 

Never thought in terms of a rematch. They were different but equal in their own right. To me the teen relationships will always be different,no matter how awkward,stumbling,fumbling,because these were were with the person I cared about at the time... thrilling. With the older relationships,there was never any baggage brought. I had always genuinely liked these women and they were the same towards me. They brought their own sexual life experiences to the table and so did I. Similarities yes,but surprises as well... also thrilling. The thing I never forget is that the caring and acceptance from myself to them and vice versa were what made all the experiences so good.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



TBT said:


> There were a couple of women that I had relations with after my divorce that I'd had relationships with during my teens. They came about due to happenstance and not something that I actively sought out. We had friends in common,so our orbits would naturally cross on occasions.
> 
> Never thought in terms of a rematch. They were different but equal in their own right. To me the teen relationships will always be different,no matter how awkward,stumbling,fumbling,because these were were with the person I cared about at the time... thrilling. With the older relationships,there was never any baggage brought. I had always genuinely liked these women and they were the same towards me. They brought their own sexual life experiences to the table and so did I. Similarities yes,but surprises as well... also thrilling. The thing I never forget is that the caring and acceptance from myself to them and vice versa were what made all the experiences so good.


Now that's what I'm talk'n 'bout!!!!! :-D


What a great post, thank you!


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

TBH, nope, nope, nope and nope again. First, I was a very big boy. Second, before I met my wife, I did a lot of jobs to keep the education fund flush, so I drove a taxi at nights (dad taught me where to pick up special "customers", and what hotels to bring them to) and DJ'ed on the weekends. Before my wife, I have had the unfortunate experience of "coming to" in the middle of the act with someone I really should not have been with. DJ'ing an event, usually meant that the alcohol for the DJ was free. Meant, that I could share with whatever lady tickled my fancy. Means I ended evenings with random women. Sometimes there would be a relationship after, most times not. I do not care to ever revisit those encounters. From the physical standpoint, I was nothing to write home about, and the women were similar. From an emotional standpoint, I hardly knew these women, and could not possibly describe the event as lovemaking.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*



NobodySpecial said:


> I guess I might if any of them had been any where near as good as my husband.


If they had been good they would not have been ex s.


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

Yes. My first. I didn't know what the hell I was doing and was nervous as fk. I was 19. She was 23 and "out of my league" hot. She was built and experienced. I was scared and a virgin. She got tired of waiting for me to ask for it or just take what was there if and when I wanted it. ...lol 

One evening she asked that I come over. She takes me straight to her 2nd floor bedroom. It's extremely hot because it's mid winter and she has a space heater on. It's also dark with only the light illuminating from the TV, of which the volume was high. She closes the door, undresses and gets under the covers. I'm thinking her mom's downstairs and her sister is in the next room. Surely, we're not doing anything right? Wrong... I pretend to be captivated by what's on TV but I'm stalling because I don't know what to do and how to do it. 

Silence from her. Under the covers looking to see if and when I was going to follow her lead. I take a quick glance and see she's just lying there, with nothing on and looking dead at me. She breaks my awkward silence by saying I want you over here. I'm thinking, welp.... this is it. I undress and get under with her. My instinct was to lie down next to her and cuddle a little bit. She wasn't having any of it. She just pulls me on top. 

To say she was ready was an understatement as not an ounce of foreplay was attempted or needed. Zero to 60 with no warm-up. ZERO.....I'm not sure if she knew that I was her first. Anyway, I would have loved to have had a redo with her 2-3 years later and after much more experience. She couldn't have enjoyed herself with me, as I was so nervous and awkward. 

On the flip side, I wish I hadn't done a BUNCH of females. I just did them because it was there to be had, and I rarely said no. I look back now in shame and wonder WTF was I possibly thinking? I should have said no to 1/3 of total sex partners. Youth.....


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

*Re: Have you ever wanted a "rematch" in bed with a prior lover from your youth?*

Not really.

But now that I think about it, I would love to be able to go back and have a first crack at some of those opportunities I took a pass on. Heck, maybe all of 'em.... even the fat one.

What the HELL was I thinking? 

(Actually, know what I was thinking, and I suppose it was excusable, or maybe at least understandable given my upbringing, but.... DAMN!)


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