# Performance anxiety



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This is something I've never admitted to myself for quite a long time. I actually have thoughts from time to time which makes me lacking in enthusiasm for sex. It's actually always been there since the first time my wife and I got together.

I always feel pressured to perform, for many reasons, and one in particular:
- Personal pride
- Fear of disappointing my wife
*- Fear of being compared negatively to other men*
- Fear of not performing to standards

My wife has had an extensive past with men before she met me. I've never admitted it to her that it always had me a bit wary of investing deeply into a relationship with her. I didn't want to judge her, as she didn't judge me. It's not like I'm jealous (I'm actually turned on), but I feel like I always have to perform better than ALL those men she has been with... EACH time.

This is another reason (and one of the main reasons that she doesn't know about) -> that I actually reject my wife. One session a day or once every other day is more ideal to me than my wife's insistence on 2x-3x daily minimum. It allows me time and preparation to make it magical -> and NOT routine.

With my wife's frequency however, I can't always do that, or say no -> lest she'll start a fight (in the past) or she'll be disappointed (at present times). When I do give a lackluster performance however, I feel like sh-t when she takes over (whenever she senses I'm just not into it), and I feel inadequate.

My wife can also be quite p-ssed with my performance if it doesn't meet her expectations from time to time. I do enjoy sex with her, but this problem of mine has been bugging me for some time now. I always try to have a "competitive advantage" at all times... any advice?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I think this is a great topic. Would you mind putting one in the sex section as well?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Erm, this is for the clubhouse

No advice?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

LOL......Drama King......I agree with that!!

Don't have a answer that ship sailed long ago with me 15 years, 3 kids, own every S#X toy imaginable that's worth having. After all of these years what works best is her two fingers accompanied by my avg. sized member.

Communication is key!! We've spent the best physical parts of our life together why in the world would I even think about not being good enough?

Why would you?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

The anxiety, sorta (but only 2x a week) been there, it's a nasty cycle and sucks. What are her expectations? Can you please her other ways? You have to talk, you won't break the cycle otherwise. If she makes you felled pressured she's really hurting herself. 

My W had a longer past, when I'd bring it up she would go out her a way to make me feel good.


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

It seems that your wife is contributing to your anxiety. At first, I thought that you were yet another man that need to understand that sex isn't an upper high five contest.
I can understand how you feel about having previous men looking over your shoulder and shaking their heads disappointingly, but it seems that your wife isn't helping the matter at all.

These aren't things that you should keep it to yourself, especially when your wife gives you hard time if you're not in the mood or "don't meet her expectations".
You're a married couple, it changes the context of having sex/making love.

Before asking for advice, you have to speak to your wife about this issue. If she gets pissed off or gives you the popular "stop making a big deal out of it" while pressuring you into a constant record breaking efforts, you might consider talking to a specialist.

Sex doesn't have to be about penetration everytime, going down and spicing up the bedroom with sex toys whenever she feels aroused can get rid of the rejection's disappointement. Just make sure that your efforts don't go unnoticed. She has to understand that it is a big deal to get a rock hard erection and sustain it.

I hope that I don't get lynched for this but sex is indeed easier for women than men. Some may argue that it's inside our heads, but it being an illusion or reality doesn't change to the fact that a pursuit of a great performance can turn into a pain in the a**. We're not all made of that horny guy material and we have the right to consider making love as a special occasion. Also, the backside to being considerate in bed is the occasional anxiety about validation.

An issue of mine was that I wasn't a fan of changing positions. Some positions are hard to get pleasure out of and/or impossible to keep for a some time, others are just a waste of a good erection. I'd take eye contact and easy access to the feminine body parts I like over the feeling of an athletic porn star anytime of the week. 
Sadly, I just preferred to shut up about it and it did nothing but erode me from the inside.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I have an advice. You are over-thinking it. Go at it like that Nike ad:










Sex is to be enjoyed. To do it like it's some sort of stressful competition voids the entertainment value and basically nullifies the act itself.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thanks guys for the replies

It's already difficult for me to admit this to myself and to the forum, I can't see myself admitting this to my wife, I have my "air of confidence" that I don't want to break -> lest she might even end up more disappointed. I guess it's important but it's a toughie.

Her expectations are quite high, she wants me to be into it each and every time - otherwise she doesn't seem to feel loved (sex is her love language). She enjoys variety, so sometimes I take her in the kitchen, living room, car, my office, etc etc, and I naturally vary my positions. We also use toys, roleplay, and flirt/tease daily. We're actually very sexually active and we do almost everything. The thing is though -> it's a lot of work as well as preparation in the end.

And I'm not always at my best, nor do I do things right at times... and when I'm not I'd rather reject her than to give a lackluster performance and then at the back of my mind I feel lame compared to the men she has been with.

But if I was to confront her with this -> what do I say that won't make me look like a wimp to her? Also, how do I explain it in a way that doesn't make her feel like I'm judging her for her past? Maybe I am over-thinking stuff, but it's hard not to feel inadequate with her, especially when she does complain.


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

Just to be clear. You are right for feeling pressured when you have to fake an emotion (rejection) while you are just not in the mood or you're physically/mentally tired to do it. But you are wrong to think less of yourself and still think you're in competition with her previous partners.
If it's a competition, you already won. You have her to yourself, and she wants you to take her not her exes.

The weight of keeping this kind of matter is just heavy, it takes a great toll and you'll end up one day blowing up in front her while she doesn't understand the reasons. She will be less understanding if she finds out that you kept this to yourself all this time.

I don't think you' overthinking, you're reacting to unfounded criticism. Communication is the only key to a lasting relationship, if one party fails to do so, it may snowball.

Don't tell her that you're insecure because of her past, you accepted her and she didn't know that she'd end up with you at the time, but tell her that her complaining doesn't go unnoticed and that it only makes it harder for you. So she's not doing good to herself by acting this way.

Being a wimp is to be scared of your own feelings, not confront them.

And if you don't mind, can you give us an example of how she complains. It may changes the situation radically.
There's a huge difference between:
- You don't want to be with me, am I not attractive for you ?
and
- I can't believe this. A real man can get it up whenever he wants to.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Thanks guys for the replies
> 
> It's already difficult for me to admit this to myself and to the forum, I can't see myself admitting this to my wife, I have my "air of confidence" that I don't want to break -> lest she might even end up more disappointed. I guess it's important but it's a toughie.


It's hard but if you don't, it WILL get worse and harder. It;s a cycle.



RandomDude said:


> But if I was to confront her with this -> what do I say that won't make me look like a wimp to her?


You're not confronting her, you're helping you(s), that's not whimpy. See above.



RandomDude said:


> Also, how do I explain it in a way that doesn't make her feel like I'm judging her for her past?


Don't judge. We once were getting of a plane and she points and tells me that guy coming doem the stairs from first class (B744) is an ex, she says hi Tommy this is Mr. Charlie, hi he says and leaves. Hmm, business class not enough I think. At passport control she whispers to me all his deficiencies. 



RandomDude said:


> Maybe I am over-thinking stuff


Got nothing other than don't do that. I'm often guilty (and am not ready to post my Friday's over thinking mishap). 



RandomDude said:


> but it's hard not to feel inadequate with her, especially when she does complain.


She must obviously know that she means so very, very much to you when that is obvious to a random dude (lower case & space) on the internet. I so hope it works out for you(s).


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## Ducky316 (Aug 16, 2012)

I think you should buy her a Pearl Rabbit!!! I am being totally serious here and not being disrespectful of your problem. This would take at least the frequency pressure off of you and it would be intensely satisfying for her.

At some point this issue should be communicated, but the pearl rabbit could help open that door


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## Ducky316 (Aug 16, 2012)

I'm new here and not sure...Is it okay for a woman to post on this thread in this section??? If not, I'm sorry.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Ducky
It's fine, you can post anywhere, everyone does anyway heh
And my wife has all her toys and more, but she doesn't like to do it alone if she can help it. She reckons she shouldn't have to.

@Charlie
Ok, lets say I'll confront her, but how do I put it across to her without making it sound like her past is an issue? I need an example on what to say, I don't even know where to start with something like this...

@Trev
When I do manage to do it right for the missus I do get compliments, but I don't always do it right. She seems to have a standard of sexual performance that I don't actually know if it's mine or set by someone else from her past.

And heh if I ask her that of course she's going to say it's mine, doesn't mean I would believe her.



> There's a huge difference between:
> - You don't want to be with me, am I not attractive for you ?
> and
> - I can't believe this. A real man can get it up whenever he wants to.


Depends on her mood really, she uses both types. More on the former now then the latter, so instead of insulting me she guilt trips me instead lol
But she's not THAT bad in recent times -> she brings it up in a civil conversation nowadays. Or tells me I'm "distant" "cold", "what's wrong with you", etc etc...


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Depends on her mood really, she uses both types. More on the former now then the latter, so instead of insulting me she guilt trips me instead lol
> But she's not THAT bad in recent times -> she brings it up in a civil conversation nowadays. Or tells me I'm "distant" "cold", "what's wrong with you", etc etc...


I'm sorry to tell you but your wife sucks at reassuring, it doesn't mean that she's a bad person, it just means that she's unable to convince her husband that he's the happiest man alive.

If she tells you these things, you really should speak to her about this issue, seriously. Don't let her find her own reasons to what she sees.

I think you should start by explaining to her that this has to do with you and that you need to feel comfortable in your marital bed in order to not give her the impression you're judging her, which I am truly convinced you are not.

You're not cold, but she's right about the something wrong with you (not a dysfunction, but you not feeling well) and the distance. Withholding this matter from her knowledge is indeed distance.


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> @Charlie
> Ok, lets say I'll confront her, but how do I put it across to her without making it sound like her past is an issue? I need an example on what to say, I don't even know where to start with something like this...


I think you should be totally honest:
- Honey your past experience is one among the things that turns me on and makes me horny for you. The downside is that I really feel pressure because I care about you and I want you to think that I'm the only one deserving to rock your world.

You should convince her that you don't judge her for your past:
- I am really happy that I married an openminded person, and I'm grateful to your experience because sex with you is just amazing.

- Please understand that this is an issue that concerns me, and I'm counting on you to help get past it. I don't want to keep you from knowing anything about me, so here it is: Sometimes, because I want everytime to be thousands times better than the anterior one, I feel pressure and it's crumping my libido. I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't trust your judgement.

You are really thinking constantly about her sexual well being, and you have to make her understand this. I believe that it's not the recipient's job to understand, but it's the communicator's to make his point clear.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I agree with Torr. I don't know you or your W but a potential ice breaker (or a really bad idea) may be a penis size joke or comment. I tease my W, but A. I'm confident and B. I already know how she will react. But do talk.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

You definitely need to talk with her and both work through the "expectations" side of it. 

Sorry but Gordon Ramsey "or whatever gourmet chef you like" can't make a knock out, kick a$$ gourmet meal 2 to 3 times a day, every day. Some times Kraft mac n cheese has to be "good enough" with that frequency.

My wife and I are great with this. Sometimes we go all out, outfits, toys, role play etc. Sometimes we're in bed and one says to the other "I'm horny, I just wanna come". 10-15 minutes later. The one who requested is laying there "glowing" and the one who did the work is laying there with a smirk knowing the other is glowing LOL.

As my wife told me a long time ago. "Sometimes a quicky with no foreplay is just as good as a marathon"


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

LOL @ Penile joke
She's been with guys bigger than me, told me so herself. I expected it anyway considering her number. Thankfully I'm very secure with that, but not so much when it comes to sexual performance overall.

Thanks though, I can work with your examples on what to say. I might just get through this. I'll bring it up with her after lunch, probably after sex. If I try to bring it up before sex she'll think I'm making up an excuse to avoid sex again.

Ok how about something like this?
"There's something I really want to tell you, I didn't want to bring it up... oh nevermind"
Then she'll start getting curious and then I'll say something like...

"It's one of the reasons why I'm not always into it, you know that I've never judged you. But at the same time I always feel like I have to perform to stack up to all those guys from your past."
Ok that sounds SERIOUSLY AWFUL >.<!!!!

Argh, this sounds much better...
"Honey your past experience is one among the things that turns me on and makes me horny for you. The downside is that I really feel pressure because I care about you and I want you to think that I'm the only one deserving to rock your world. I am really happy that I married an openminded person, and I'm grateful to your experience because sex with you is just amazing. Please understand that this is an issue that concerns me, and I'm counting on you to help get past it. I don't want to keep you from knowing anything about me, so here it is: Sometimes, because I want everytime to be thousands times better than the anterior one, I feel pressure and it's crumping my libido. I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't trust your judgement."

Think I'll memorise this before lunch...


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

Good luck, dude, and remember the simpler it is, the less complicated it will be.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, things didn't turn up as expected. I brought it up alright, as calmly as gently as I can... but well, she got p-ssed. She went on about why 'someone like me' should be anything but 'insecure' (I told her I'm not insecure and that if I was I probably wouldn't even do it with her). She told me that she never compares me (BS) and that her complaints are valid and if anything she compares me to myself and past performances. 

She also told me that she thought I won't bring up her past, and I told her the truth that even if I don't judge her, as a man, I will always feel the pressure of performing to be better than all those guys from her past, and that I need her help to overcome it. She insisted again that when she pressures me to perform it has nothing to do with the men from her past (as I expected she would say). And she also brought up how I make HER feel insecure when I dont perform/reject her/don't seem to want her.

She also told me that she exaggerates her stories that she tells me and deliberately makes it more erotic for my own excitement and pleasure (as she knows I get turned on thinking of her with others she tells me stories), and she never meant to imply that she enjoyed it compared to what she has now. I don't know if this is BS... but I told her that her stories are not an issue, and that it's just when she complains I don't perform that I have a problem. 

Then she brought up the women from my past, she told me that she doesn't bring them into our sex life, and that I shouldn't bring up her past either and seems convinced that the reason I'm feeling like this -> is bc of her STORIES! 

Anyways we weren't getting anyway and instead of fighting we decided to drop it. Looks like I've spoiled both our moods for tonight, oh well... it had to be done. But now what? =/


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Sorry to hear that. Don't drop it for long. I can't really tell you how, but you need to talk. Vicious cycle alert!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, I have to find another time to bring it up again, she just put me in a bliss this morning, and I was really in the mood too. Guess she wanted to prove a point... I ended up not working this morning... bah! Oh well...

I Just Had Sex (feat. Akon) - YouTube
lol this song was playing my head this morning heh

And yeah... maybe it IS all in my head, but I just don't know. I'm confused at the moment thanks to wifey


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Update...

Well looks like trying to f--k our problems away didn't work. I brought it up again and she got p-ssed off again "stop thinking so much, what's wrong with you?!" etc etc

*sigh*


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## Ipman (Sep 11, 2012)

i think you should talk to your wife she might have a few insecurities of her own which you might not know about. and yes communication is key to any relationship and obviously understanding because you might want one thing and she another make sure to fulfill both your dreams so that you both the self esteem you deserve.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

UMMMMM............I am sure you are good enough......she is there with you right????? stop doubting yourself!!!!! She wants you.....she loves you.....she loves your member.....she loves what you do for her!!!! Come on now.....stop thinking you have to measure up to anyone!!!! If we all thought that way then we would be in trouble.....as I watch adult movies with my hubby....HA if i thought I had to measure up to those perfect boobs and bodies.....I would be in trouble....big trouble.....

ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE ENOUGH AND SHE LOVES YOU ....... AND I AM SURE LOVES WHAT YOU DO FOR HER SEXUALLY.....STOP OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING.....SORRY FOR BEING SO BLUNT!!!


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Well, things didn't turn up as expected. I brought it up alright, as calmly as gently as I can... but well, she got p-ssed. She went on about why 'someone like me' should be anything but 'insecure' (I told her I'm not insecure and that if I was I probably wouldn't even do it with her). She told me that she never compares me (BS) and that her complaints are valid and if anything she compares me to myself and past performances.
> 
> She also told me that she thought I won't bring up her past, and I told her the truth that even if I don't judge her, as a man, I will always feel the pressure of performing to be better than all those guys from her past, and that I need her help to overcome it. She insisted again that when she pressures me to perform it has nothing to do with the men from her past (as I expected she would say). And she also brought up how I make HER feel insecure when I dont perform/reject her/don't seem to want her.
> 
> ...


Did ya'll just get married last year? 

Seems woefully dysfunctional to me as a married man of 14+ you conversations seem like something I would have when I was 20.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

We always argue like this. It hasn't changed since we first got together over 6 years ago on issues where one has to give in. We both aren't very good at compromising, and though we've improved, sex is a very touchy subject for her in this issue especially.

Also I only seem to get this feeling coming on strong - whenever the sex becomes too frequent, like now. Because I know I just can't perform at my best. It's hard not to feel that I need to measure up, I've made it my lifetime ambition when I was first with her to be the best lover for her that I could be. And I believe I have achieved quite a lot through showing her intimacy and passion that she has never had before - I know how to pull on heartstrings.

But when I'm just being used like an organic sex toy it not only robs me of my "competitive advantage" but makes me wonder if I even do have one anymore, either than being her husband of course.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

you do realize that she obviously loves you right? I bet she loves the sex yes......(hmmmmm sex is good) but I bet if you would stop bringing up her past men so much it would get so much better....why do you do that!!! Mind you I dont have a past.....of much at all.....so I didnt have a lot of experience.....but I would be so irritated if my hubby brought it up constantly.....especially when I chose him....NOT them.....you need to remember that.....she is with you...NOT them....just saying!!!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Speaking as a woman with enough partners for comparison:

She is with YOU. My bets is, she is a sexual person and WANTS you. We know you aren't always going to do it for us and will take our own pleasure in our hands - and it's US not YOU. We know that and wish you would, too. We can be really hot and bothered but have to chase down the O.

We aren't thinking about past guys or critiquing you during sex. Emotion plays a huge role for women in sex and the average penis is just fine. It's trust, connection, emotion... and each man is as unique as a woman. It's a package deal. One guy might have been great at oral but lasts a minute. One guy might have a huge package but be a bad kisser. She found he right combination in YOU. Don't compare the other acts with other guys to what she has with you. It's like comparing apples and oranges.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, the idea of her with others does turn me on. Hence I do sometimes get her to tell me stories, but she rarely does it as she doesn't like reliving her past. I guess I'm digging my own grave with this one.

I can be confident with her as I have been over the years, but I need to feel like my head is above water at times - that the sex remains good and better than anything she has had. My wife tells me she wants only me all the time, and obviously proves it daily. She may have found the right combination as I've found the right combination in her... but MY combination is something that I need my space to maintain.

Without it... or when she takes over... when I feel I'm not performing... I don't know. Perhaps I shouldn't be so anxious, and perhaps you're right, that she does love me and doesn't compare me. Also, I do compare my wife myself, but she's better in EVERY category then any woman I've ever been in. I just want to be the one man for her just like she's the one woman for me, and to KNOW it. Hence I guess this is why I also reckon that she DOES compare... =/


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I just want to be the one man for her just like she's the one woman for me, and to KNOW it.


What needs to happen, or what would she need to say or do for you to KNOW it?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, I don't know... that's what I'm trying to find out

And sometimes with her drive I don't even know if I'm doing it right when she just wants it all the freakin time. Like last night, I was in a fun mood, I put on this song, Bloodhound Gang Discovery channel - YouTube, turned it up until my wife came into my man-cave telling me to turn it down, laughed at her request, pulled her to dance with me, was teasingly touching her/being very affectionate/flirty and being generally funny before suddenly agreeing to turn it down, and she didn't let me go that easy

But I could have just said "I'm horny" and get the same results, but it's no fun. That's just my style, but how the heck do I know if I'm doing it right too unless she gives me a bit of resistance? Meh, I don't know...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hell maybe I AM thinking too much


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Well, I don't know... that's what I'm trying to find out
> 
> And sometimes with her drive I don't even know if I'm doing it right when she just wants it all the freakin time. Like last night, I was in a fun mood, I put on this song, Bloodhound Gang Discovery channel - YouTube, *turned it up until my wife came into my man-cave telling me to turn it down, laughed at her request, pulled her to dance with me, was teasingly touching her/being very affectionate/flirty and being generally funny before suddenly agreeing to turn it down*, and she didn't let me go that easy
> 
> But I could have just said "I'm horny" and get the same results, but it's no fun. That's just my style, but how the heck do I know if I'm doing it right too unless she gives me a bit of resistance? Meh, I don't know...


So you kinda initiated the whole thing and then rejected her? Why?

Maybe I'm overthinking this, but this is sounding like you are projecting a lot of stuff on her - she's telling you that she doesn't compare you to her past lovers, but you don't believe her and keep on thinking that she is comparing you. Why? Because YOU are comparing yourself in your mind, and you _are _exacerbating your anxiety by asking her to tell you stories of her past sex life.

You deliberately got her excited, and then shut her down. That seems self-defeating. 

If you don't know what you need to work through this, she certainly won't be able to figure it out. Maybe a therapist would be a good idea?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Erm, no I didn't turn her down last night, only initially so I could tease her a little more. Besides "We did it doggy-style so we could rewatch x-files!" (sorry, from the song lol)

I'm just saying that no matter what I do, I can't tell if I'm doing it right, so I can get her excited with all that, but then she's always in the mood anyway. So I can't even gauge my own performance at times.

Yes I am projecting alot, but I just can't seem to understand how anyone DOESN'T compare. So I can't believe her =/


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Erm, no I didn't turn her down last night, only initially so I could tease her a little more. Besides "We did it doggy-style so we could rewatch x-files!" (sorry, from the song lol)
> 
> I'm just saying that no matter what I do, I can't tell if I'm doing it right, so I can get her excited with all that, but then she's always in the mood anyway. So I can't even gauge my own performance at times.
> 
> Yes I am projecting alot, but I just can't seem to understand how anyone DOESN'T compare. So I can't believe her =/


It's not that you can't believe her, you choose to not believe her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Her complaints when things are lackluster doesn't help
Although she claims that if she compares me to anyone she compares me to myself at my best

Meh, I don't know >.<

And this morning, I teased her again, but this time, I didn't go through with it. I can't, I wasn't in the mood and I'm not going to give her a complaint. Though now she's keeping me to my promise to have it at lunch... SH-T and it's almost lunch! Bah!

It's the stress of having to perform, pull out new moves that makes ME complain that the sex is too much as well.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Erm, no I didn't turn her down last night, only initially so I could tease her a little more. Besides "We did it doggy-style so we could rewatch x-files!" (sorry, from the song lol)
> 
> I'm just saying that no matter what I do, I can't tell if I'm doing it right, so I can get her excited with all that, but then she's always in the mood anyway. So I can't even gauge my own performance at times.
> 
> Yes I am projecting alot, but I just can't seem to understand how anyone DOESN'T compare. So I can't believe her =/


We don't compare because we are wrapped up in the moment and in enjoying the physical and emotional pleasure we are sharing with the man we love. We're thinking about the man in our arms.

Sex is about giving and receiving pleasure. Are you enjoying it or is the anxiety too much for you to truly feel pleasure? Do you and your wife connect emotionally with each other during sex? Are you having any fun?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Hell maybe I AM thinking too much


Maybe? Seriously? 

I suffer from over thinking and often like to say, "A mind is terrible thing".

(For those not from the States the real quote, about getting minorities into university, is "Because a mind is terrible thing to waste")


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Looks like I really disappointed my wife... but it may have got somewhere

Ok, I started it, but hell... she just came over for lunch, flirtateous as ever, I'm obviously not in the mood, but she told me that I can't leave her hanging especially what I did to her in the morning (ok my bad, but what else could I do?). I felt like sh-t because I know I shouldn't say yes then say no at the last minute. So I bring this up again and...

She just went "WTF!" Asked me whats wrong with me and why I'm acting like this all of a sudden. She didn't listen to my answer and pulled away, told me that I just fully turned her off and that I have to get my sh-t together. ( And I was about to say "Then I shall have to do this MORE OFTEN" but I bit my tongue lol  ) She told me that this is so much worse for her (suddenly shutting down her desire I'm guessing) than if I teased her all week. We went around in circles arguing about the same old BS... 

I did manage to tell her though; "Just give me some space to be ME" and reminded her that when she leaves my member alone for a break she doesn't have to put up with any of this - and that's fact. Told her that I'm sick and tired of fighting about sex and boundaries with her all the time. She asked if it's my anxiety, but before I could answer she went off at me for having it, saying that I should be the last person on earth to feel anxious and she reckons that she's done more than enough to help me not feel anxious.

She said that I'm taking her complaints too close to heart and that even though sometimes it's not as good as she wants it to be that she's content as long as she gets it instead of me teasing her all the time and that if I really don't want it I shouldn't lead her on. Well... she made her point. We're no longer fighting, but I know she's not happy about what happened.

Oh well, at least I managed to escape sex this lunch break.


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