# Long Term Marital Success? SEX!



## daveca

I've been married 18 years. My second marriage and my wife's first. 

So, what makes a successful marriage? One word: SEX. 

When someone is getting married and ask if I have any "words of wisdom" I tell them one thing. Keep a small/pocket sized calendar in the night stand and check off every day/night you have sex. When the first major argument/disagreement arises or you feel things are not quite right check the calendar. You'll invariably find the sex decreased and then the arguments/disagreements, the feeling something is not quite right, arose. 

People frequently confuse the correlation between the frequency of sex and problems. It's often said problems lead to a decrease in sex but the truth is a decrease in sex leads to problems.

Whether it's outside interests or too busy at home or just not "in the mood" people think sex is not important. Why have sex if one doesn't feel like it? Nobody died from a lack of sex. While that's true many marriages have died due to a lack of sex. 

When I use the term sex I'm talking about the time one gets in to bed until they get out of bed. The hugs and caresses. The actual physical act. The pillow talk that follows or just holding each other. 

The closeness, both physical and emotional, bonds two people. When a couple go to a restaurant a certain type of conversation takes place. At home, a more private conversation may take place and, in bed, a different type. People open up more as they are closer, physically and emotionally. They have less to hide, both figuratively and literally. 

Lying in each others arms they express their hopes and dreams. Just random thoughts which give them an insight into the other person. And the holding reinforces the idea your partner is there to support you. 

When two people make love they are more inclined to get along. It's just natural and it keeps the dialogue flowing. 

That's my best advice.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

> *daveca said:** The closeness, both physical and emotional, bonds two people. When a couple go to a restaurant a certain type of conversation takes place. At home, a more private conversation may take place and, in bed, a different type. People open up more as they are closer, physically and emotionally. They have less to hide, both figuratively and literally.
> 
> Lying in each others arms they express their hopes and dreams. Just random thoughts which give them an insight into the other person. And the holding reinforces the idea your partner is there to support you.
> 
> When two people make love they are more inclined to get along. It's just natural and it keeps the dialogue flowing.
> 
> That's my best advice*.










... I have the same mindset really.. not sure it would go over too well if the couple had mismatched libidos though !! 

Looking over our marriage..*My Biggest regrets* was that I wasn't as "in tune" with my husband's sexual wants (I could even say needs here for overflowing happiness)...as I should have been.. I always felt so close to him.. but it could have been MORE, a deeper sharing even....
We just didn't talk about







!!! some things seemed Taboo... like masturbation...he wanted MORE ..but felt he shouldn't "rock the boat" -he was so used to the men at work complaining how their wives hated sex...and at least I initiated (so he knew it could be worse).... then throw in the monkey wrench of some infertility ...and WHAM....wife putting "the timing of







" before pleasure wasn't helping matters.... 

Some *resentment* sprang in him...I didn't even realize it was happening....he was always so good to me...I only noticed some grouchiness towards the kids (where I was too focused)....We were missing each other....we should kept the "dating" up, flirting more...parents running off to play...it just could have been more Passionate..and more OFTEN... at least once a week-always - but darn- it should have been 4 times Plus!

Looking back.. I really think he needed to just LAY me more, come on to me overtly... I had my grouchy moments....I don't think I KNEW what I needed ...and he was too passive.... the craziest thing about it was... we BOTH LOVED sex , no greater high for either one of us, getting lost in each other like that....

In Mid life..my drive surpassed his... I was in over-drive...he couldn't keep up.....I would get antsy over this.... It became a running Joke ...he'd say to me " I know what you need, you need Laid"....and yeah...that seemed to solve all my ills...



> *Keep a small/pocket sized calendar in the night stand and check off every day/night you have sex. When the first major argument/disagreement arises or you feel things are not quite right check the calendar. You'll invariably find the sex decreased and then the arguments/disagreements, the feeling something is not quite right, arose*.










I did keep a sex calendar for a time.. I was worried about my husbands Testosterone levels (I guess there could be a variety of reasons for keeping a calendar !)......it was like a reassurance to me....that yeah...he is fine...life is good!

Every time we'd fight, it ended in "make up sex"... he's accused me of fighting Just for "Make up sex"....& all of that could have been avoided... oh it was a bit of a RUSH during that phase..... yet we had more growth out of it at the same time...it was a great blessing to our marriage.


----------



## wannabe

I envy the happiness you people experience in marriage. I so wish for a hassle free easy going marriage where I can tell my wife anything at any time without first testing the waters to see what mood she's in. 
I don't think that problems in the marriage arise due to lack of sex, but am rather of the opinion that lack of sex equals too much problems. 

Keep it up people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## over20

I feel for you. Has she always been moody or is this a recent thing?


----------

