# Worried about possible Bipolar Disorder in husband



## wornout25 (Feb 24, 2012)

We have been having trouble for several years. Recently, it has been really bad to the point where I have divorce papers, unsigned, in my room. (we are living in separate rooms) A couple weeks ago, my mother-in-law named his treatment of my as abusive: verbal, emotional, and physical. I know that's a strong word and thats probably why for years, I was never the one to say it. I don't end up with broken bones or black eyes, so I refused to truly believe that I was in that situation. Unfortunately, I know I am. He has called me every name under the sun from stupid to all kinds of curse words. He screams at the top of his lungs, literally inches from my face. He has broken at least 4 pieces of furniture and put holes in the dry wall. He broke his own hand on the door and dented a car with his knuckles. He never punches or slaps me, but he does shove me. I have had 2 falls from the shoves and bruising from being pushed out of bed. He threw our truck keys at me and they scratched my face. He has told me that I'm fat (5'7", 125 lbs), lazy, a horrible wife, etc. Its exhausting. After a particularly awful fight 3 weeks ago, he moved the furniture and banned me to an air mattress in the office. He also "suggested" very loudly that I get the divorce papers. He even checked on me and became more violent when I had not gotten them.
Through all of this, I came to peace with my situation and impending single life. I was ok with being on my own and even looking forward to the peace an quiet. I looked at it as an opportunity to be with someone who doesn't think I'm such a failure... ME! Unfortunately, I was not yet as strong as I thought I was and when he came to me last week telling me what a jerk he had been and that he knew he was wrong and would work on himself, I resisted for a couple days and then I believed him and started the painful process of trying again. One week, 3 ridiculous fights: 1 - its weird that I drink out of a straw; 2 - its weird that I turn my clothes inside out when I take them off and put them in the laundry basket; 3 - he's jealous of my success and swears I did nothing to earn it (ok, the 3rd one isn't ridiculous, its def more serious)
I don't have much more to give. I'm broken and battered and he swears I dont show him I love him. I am finding it more difficult to do that with each passing day. I still love him and probably always will, but I am looking out for me now. I just cant open up the way he wants me to when I'm constantly on the defensive.
I've read that crazy highs and lows are normal for an abusive relationship, but when we are happy, we are really happy. The highs are happening less and less, so the pattern that used to be there is gone. But they still happen. Every now and then he is happy and we seem to have a chance. We have dreams. He is really close to accomplishing his major career dream. I don't want to lose the possibility of the happiness we share when everything clicks. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to lose sight or motivation of his dreams. At the same time, he has been telling me he's unhappy for years. I can't help but wonder if signing these papers will be better for both of us in the end. Maybe he'll grow up or find someone better suited for him or just be happier without me. I know I'll be happier without him. I just worry about him. I know it seems crazy. Believe me, I'm reading this too!
We've been married for 6 years, together for 8. I'm 25 yrs old, he's 26. And no, I didn't see this treatment before we got married, but it did start about 8 months after. However, I was 19 and now that I look back, I can see some definite signs. I was just too young to recognize them for what they were. We have no kids, but we have a dog and a cat who hide behind me when we fight. He gets mad and says that no one in the house likes him because they stay with me in my room. They love him, just not when he's scarey.
I was just wondering if anyone here has had similar experiences and had any suggestions. Also, this fight of the night is the jealousy and I have no clue how to respond. He's a smart, talented guy with a great career ahead of him, but when I tried to tell him that he got angry and said that I was trying to tell him what he was feel was wrong. We are military. He's been in 6 yrs and I've been in 2. He's enlisted, I'm commissioned. He's the one who encouraged me to go for the commission. If all goes well, he'll get his commission at the end of the year. But he's angry that (according to him), he has to work so hard while it was so easy for me. I don't appreciate all my years of hard work being disregarded, but I am trying to let that fly and do what I can to help. Unfortunately, I don't know what that is. It makes me wonder if all the verbal abuse is done in order to make him feel better about the job thing.
Sorry for the length, its been a long 6 years. I'm worn out and running out of options. Is there anything I can do about anything? I contacted the base chaplains today to set up some counseling, but I was wondering if anyone here could help me see things more clearly. I'm scared of ruining his life. I'm strong, so he can't ruin mine. I've kept on despite his issues. I'm just tired.

The biggest question of all... is his behavior and wild mood swings simply characteristic of an abuser or indicative of bipolar?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Sounds more like Borderline Personality Disorder.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caligyrl (Feb 18, 2012)

I told my husband yesterday that he needed to get help! I swear he's Bi-polar. He will pick nasty (throwing things, breaking things, calling me names, saying ugly things) fights over NOTHING-and then a few hours later he's suddenly talking as if nothing at all has happened. 
Example....yesterday he was going to fix hot dogs for lunch. I was doing laundry and putting things away back in the back part ofthe house. I took something to the kitchen and he quietly asked me to hand him the cutting board. Well, I didn't hear him and OMG...all hell broke loose! He is throwing the food, making a mess on the floor.
I left the house. Went home a few hours later and he's acting all normal fixing dinner. 
If your hubby has these mood swings for no reason, he certainly might be.


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## wornout25 (Feb 24, 2012)

They are pretty dramatic mood swings. He goes from loving me to hating me in the blink of an eye. But I heard that if its bipolar, there's usually a pattern or timeframe. He doesn't have one. Is the pattern thing even true?
He refuses to see anyone. We are in the military and he believes it will negatively affect his career if he goes to Mental Health. Unfortunately, although they say otherwise, from what I've seen, its true. So I'm not sure what I can do whether it is or it isn't.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He sounds like a douche.

Are you going to leave him?


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## wornout25 (Feb 24, 2012)

that_girl said:


> He sounds like a douche.
> 
> Are you going to leave him?


Unfortunately, I am very seriously considering it. Last night, I wrote some stuff down, just trying to organize my thoughts and it gave me the idea to look at my journal. I am not one who really does the journal thing, so there are 4 entries in 6 years. Unfortunately, they were enough to show me how much worse it has gotten and how it was never really good. The first entry was in 2007 and I was devastated at the time. The things I was feeling then and the things he was doing were the same, only milder. We got married in 2006 and I know things happened even before that 2007 entry, I just didn't write them down. Reading my own entries from 5 years ago was really a slap in the face for me. It made me feel like all my efforts at fixing the marriage, the counseling, the "talks" were pointless. 
Today, I have to listen to him tell me that I'm not trying and never did. If I just tried hard enough, things would have gotten fixed, but they never did. But I know that's just not true. I should have left 5 years ago, but I believed him every good mood. Like I said, when we're happy, we're really happy. In my journal, I wrote that when he gets in a good mood its like having the man I fell in love with married back. But I dont just want him back. I want him here all the time. I'm tired of this other guy who hates me and this other guy is all I see anymore. 
As my username states, I'm worn out. The divorce papers are in my closet, unsigned. I just haven't made the final decision yet.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, I hope you decide to leave. You don't deserve that treatment.

In my sociology classes, we learned that the highest domestic violence rates are in military families and police families.

I stayed away from both.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

The book Stop Walking on Eggshells 

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330186214&sr=1-1

addresses what it is like to live with someone with BPD.

Look at Uptown's posts here; his wife was like that.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell-2.html

Unless your husband is willing to work with a counsellor to address his problems, nothing will change. I would get out while you still have some sanity left.


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## wornout25 (Feb 24, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> The book Stop Walking on Eggshells
> 
> Amazon.com: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder (9781572246904): Paul Mason MS, Randi Kreger: Books
> 
> ...


I was able to get the book as an audio book free on a 30 day trial at audible. I'm listening now. 
That other post was extremely helpful, thank you!


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

There are very distinct differences between bipolar and BPD. Take a look at this link and see if this is closer to how he acts. BPD Central - borderline personality disorder resources - basics
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

It used to be that people with BPD were written off, but BPD actually has a very high success rate for improvement these days, with willing participants.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

MSP said:


> It used to be that people with BPD were written off, but BPD actually has a very high success rate for improvement these days, with willing participants.


That's the problem though, most will not seek help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

WornOut, I agree with Pidge and LoveSherman that the behaviors you describe -- temper tantrums, inability to trust, verbal and physical abuse, and black-white thinking -- are classic traits of BPD. I am not a psychologist but I did live with a BPDer exW for 15 years and I've taken care of a bipolar foster son for longer than that. Moreover, I took both of them to a long series of psychologists for 15 years. Based on those experiences, I have found several clear differences between the two disorders.

One difference is that the mood swings are on two very different spectra having different polar extremes. Whereas a bipolar sufferer swings between _mania_ and _depression_, a BPDer flips back and forth between _loving you_ and _hating you_.

A second difference is seen in the frequency of mood changes. Bipolar mood swings are very slow because they are caused by gradual changes in body chemistry. They are considered rapid if as many as four occur in a year. In contrast, four BPD mood changes can easily occur in four days. The latter therefore is consistent with your description of numerous temper tantrums.

A third difference is seen in duration. Whereas bipolar moods typically last a week or two, BPD rages typically last only a few hours (and rarely as long as 36 hours). Again, these short-duration rages are consistent with with the tantrums you describe.

A fourth difference is seen in the speed with which the mood change develops. Whereas a bipolar change typically will build slowly over two weeks, a BPD change typically occurs in less than a minute -- often in only 10 seconds -- because it is event-triggered by some innocent comment or action. Significantly, the behavior you describe is consistent with these event-triggered outbursts.

A fifth difference is that, whereas bipolar can be treated very successfully in at least 80% of victims by swallowing a pill, BPD cannot be managed by medication because it arises from childhood damage to the emotional core -- not from a change in body chemistry.

A sixth difference is that, whereas bipolar disorder can cause people to be irritable and obnoxious during the manic phase, it does not rise to the level of meanness and vindictiveness you see when a BPDer is splitting you black. That difference is HUGE: while a manic person may regard you as an irritation, a BPDer can perceive you as Hitler and will treat you accordingly. This seems consistent with your description of very hateful, spiteful behavior.

A seventh difference is that, whereas a bipolar sufferer is not usually angry, a BPDer is filled with anger that has been carried inside since early childhood. You only have to say or do some minor thing to trigger a sudden release of that anger -- which is consistent with your description.

An eighth difference is that a bipolar sufferer -- whether depressed or manic -- usually is able to trust you if he or she knows you well. Untreated BPDers, however, are unable to trust for an extended period. Before they can trust others, they must first learn how to trust and love themselves. 

Sadly, this lack of trust means there is no foundation on which to build a relationship. Moreover -- and I learned this the hard way -- when people cannot trust you, you can never trust them because they can turn on you at any time -- and almost certainly will.

Yet, despite these eight clear differences between the two disorders, many people confuse the two. One source of this confusion seems to be the fact that a substantial portion of BPD sufferers (about 25%) also have the bipolar disorder.

I agree with LoveSherman that the _Stop Walking on Eggshells_ book is excellent. Moreover, if you decide to divorce your H, the same author released a book six months ago that you could benefit from. It is called _Splitting: Protecting Yourself when Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist_. 

As to online resources, I agree with Pidge that BPDcentral provides excellent articles. My favorite article, however, is Article 9 at T9 Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder - Columbia University, New York. 

Finally, for more descriptions of typical BPDer behavior here on TAM, you may want to check out my post in Maybe's thread (which LoveSherman was kind enough to cite above) at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell.html#post473522 -- or, alternatively, see my 3 posts in Blacksmith's thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-complicated-marriage-dynamic.html#post358403. Take care, WornOut.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I thought my ex was bipolar or BPD. I got the eggshells book and we went to counseling. I got to the point where he had hurt me so badly that it didn't matter what he did. He wasn't going to be able to change enough to make me love him again or respect him. You have so much ahead of you and you don't have kids. I'd say get out ASAP. From what I know the military doesn't respond well to abusive members. 
It's not that he can't change but chances are he doesn't want to. If he is jealous like that he sounds like a very disrespectful uncaring person. He's trying to diminish you because he feels bad about himself. I don't usually tell people to get a divorce and I do think counseling will help you before during and after it. Men like this are just so impossible. They want someone who likes drama, craziness, fights, and craziness. Usually they'll end up finding someone who has lower expectations after the divorce. Mine did. 
You deserve peace and to feel good about
yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It's not your fault! Your job, at this point, is to protect yourself. His job is to get help but it's up to him. He needs to be properly diagnosed. I do this for a living and wouldn't dream of diagnosing someone on a message board. 

Remember you can love someone and still protect yourself. He's an adult man. Let him do the work now.


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## Jasminaa (Nov 2, 2011)

Caligyrl said:


> I told my husband yesterday that he needed to get help! .


That's the worst thing for a bi-polar person to hear, it immediately puts them in self-defense mode.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He doesn't sound like either of those things. Milder forms of bipolar are typically self abusive and self destructive. If they lash out they're more likely to lash out at strangers. He sounds like an abusive bully drunk a-hole. And you realize of course you have Olympic class codependency issues to stand there and get smacked around. Have you always had your self worth in the toilet? Have you always settled for the best of the worst because that's all you deserve?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

As a bipolar I agree with RLD's opinion


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## Caligyrl (Feb 18, 2012)

Jasminaa said:


> That's the worst thing for a bi-polar person to hear, it immediately puts them in self-defense mode.


Yes, I realize this-but it was said in the heat of anger to actually put him on the defensive. It's hard to live with someone with a disorder like this-as you always have to be walking on eggshells. 

On a lighter note-I have been doing a lot of research, and I don't believe he's bi-polar as much as he has BPD. He's checked on 7 of 9 symptoms. :scratchhead:


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I'm with RLD and Almostrecovered. 

Look. It doesn't matter if he has bipolar, borderline, is a class A abuser or has purple leopard spots. 

What matters is what you're willing to live with and how you allow other people to treat you.

He could have every disease and pathology in the book and it doesn't give him the right to treat you like sh!t. Even if he does have any or all of these terrible things, he's absolutely accountable for his actions. It doesn't sound like he's taking responsibility for any of it, making amends or trying to get better. 

I also have bipolar disorder and would never expect my spouse to stay with me if explosions and abuse were "just how I am". I work twice as hard to be considerate and am absolutely compliant in a medical and behavioural care plan to stay well and minimize the damage I can do to myself and others--what is your husband doing?


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

I completely agree with diwali123. Please, for the love of God and yourself, leave this man immediately. I cannot stress that enough. You are still young and I don't think you mentioned you had any children yet. Again, it looks like we have another case of a borderline personality spouse who is going to ruin your life and the life of your children. These people rarely get help because they believe everyone else is the problem. In their own minds they are the victims and lash out if anyone tries to change them. I grew up with it, I know. The ups and downs will rob you of your sanity. You will become a mindless drone who lives her life not to disrupt your husband, but it doesn't work. You could just stand there and he could go into a fit. Verbal abuse hurts just as much if not more than physical abuse. Being with a borderline does something to your soul. I know you love him, but please understand that you have to take care of yourself. Borderlines are toxic vampires and they will suck you dry if you let them. 

Please get some help for yourself and learn what you are dealing with. Education is the answer instead of wondering why he is like this. I know you love this man, and I'll bet he can be charming and wonderful like the man of your dreams right? He is not being evil on purpose, he is sick in his mind and you cannot help him. As long as you are around, you will be his punching bag (mentally). I am sorry you are in this situation and I would give anything if I could give you some great advice. You are not alone in this, but as a woman who is still suffering the effects of a borderline father and dysfunctional family, I am hoping you will get help for yourself and you won't turn out like I did. 

God bless you and know that we are here for you.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> He doesn't sound like either of those things. Milder forms of bipolar are typically self abusive and self destructive. If they lash out they're more likely to lash out at strangers. He sounds like an abusive bully drunk a-hole. And you realize of course you have Olympic class codependency issues to stand there and get smacked around. Have you always had your self worth in the toilet? Have you always settled for the best of the worst because that's all you deserve?


People with this disorder have the ability to take a perfectly mentally healthy person and tear them down until they are a quivering mess questioning if they have the strength to get out of bed. The more you put up with it, the stronger it will get. This gets worse with age. It ruins families. 

Some say they don't know what they are doing is wrong. I told my shrink that my father was under stress and he did the best he could with us kids (this was early into my counseling). My shrink asked me a simple question: DID YOUR FATHER EVER CALL FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES HORRIBLE NAMES? (since as far back as I can remember, about 4 years old, my father called me a c*********, as$hole, stupid f*ck, and worse. I was just a little girl for God's sake? Who says that to a little girl?) DID HE RANT AND RAVE IN FRONT OF EXTENDED FAMILY AND FRIENDS? My answer was NO. My shrink said: THEN HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING IS WRONG. HE KNOWS HOW TO BEHAVE IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS, IT IS ONLY AT HOME HE IS TERRORIZING YOU KIDS AND CALLING YOU AWFUL NAMES. HE DID NOT DO THE BEST HE COULD. That really opened my eyes.

It used to kill me that when we went out for breakfast or dinner, my father was so charming, the waitresses LOVED my dad. When he was in the hospital recently, all the nurses fell in love with him. I was told by a shrink that those people have no emotional impact on his life, therefore, he doesn't consider them important. The saying YOU ONLY HURT THE ONES YOU LOVE is so true it's sickening and very true.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

endlessgrief said:


> I was told by a shrink that those people have no emotional impact on his life, therefore, he doesn't consider them important.


Endless, high functioning BPDers typically interact very well with casual friends, business associates, and complete strangers. The reason, as I understand it, is not that those folks have no emotional impact whatsoever. My BPDer exW, for example, gets enormous satisfaction and pleasure from talking with people and helping them.

Rather, the reason a high functioning BPDer interacts so well with casual friends and strangers is because those folks POSE NO THREAT to his two great fears -- abandonment and engulfment. There is no close LTR that can be abandoned and no intimacy that can make them feel engulfed and suffocated.

This is why HF BPDers can be generous and caring all day long to complete strangers -- and then go home that night to abuse the very people who love them. And this is why the casual friends and strangers will be in big trouble if they ever make the mistake of trying to draw close to the BPDer. The result, of course, is that BPDers typically have no long term close friends (unless they live a long distance away).

I nonetheless strongly agree with your statement that BPDers are in full control of their actions and thus should be held fully accountable. Although they often appear to be "totally out of control" when throwing a temper tantrum, they can control it any time they have an incentive to do so. A knock on the door by the police, for example, will cause a BPDer to transform -- in seconds -- into the most rational and calm individual you've ever seen.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> There are very distinct differences between bipolar and BPD. Take a look at this link and see if this is closer to how he acts. BPD Central - borderline personality disorder resources - basics
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think because Bi Polar and Borderline Personality get confused all the time because they are usually described as BPD. I knew one person who was Bi Polar, she was on Lithium and would go through manic phases (for many weeks) and then come back down. Bi Polar is very different from Borderline Personality. Dealing with a Bi Polar person sounds like heaven compared to dealing with a borderline personality, I can tell you that!


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Uptown said:


> Endless, high functioning BPDers typically interact very well with casual friends, business associates, and complete strangers. The reason, as I understand it, is not that those folks have no emotional impact whatsoever. My BPDer exW, for example, gets enormous satisfaction and pleasure from talking with people and helping them.
> 
> Rather, the reason a high functioning BPDer interacts so well with casual friends and strangers is because those folks POSE NO THREAT to his two great fears -- abandonment and engulfment. There is no close LTR that can be abandoned and no intimacy that can make them feel engulfed and suffocated.
> 
> ...


Uptown, your words are exactly right on target. I misspoke about why BPDers are great with strangers. You put it in better terms. You are right, he has no friends. His famous saying that I was raised with was THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A GOOD FRIEND. My father always kept score in his friendly relationships. Like if he helped them shovel snow out of their driveway, he expected them to come to his aid anytime he needed them after that. If they failed to help him to his degree, he would turn on them and hate them instantly.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Caligyrl said:


> I told my husband yesterday that he needed to get help! I swear he's Bi-polar. He will pick nasty (throwing things, breaking things, calling me names, saying ugly things) fights over NOTHING-and then a few hours later he's suddenly talking as if nothing at all has happened.
> Example....yesterday he was going to fix hot dogs for lunch. I was doing laundry and putting things away back in the back part ofthe house. I took something to the kitchen and he quietly asked me to hand him the cutting board. Well, I didn't hear him and OMG...all hell broke loose! He is throwing the food, making a mess on the floor.
> I left the house. Went home a few hours later and he's acting all normal fixing dinner.
> If your hubby has these mood swings for no reason, he certainly might be.


This is pretty normal behavior for an abuser. 

There is the abuse cycle. 


Things are calm for a period of time. Then suddenly out of nowhere they blow.. doing the kinds of things you describe... after the blowup they calm back down, are sweet and try making it up to you. They are so nice that the abused spouse feels that they are nuts for thinking this nice guy could have ever abused them...... Then it starts all over again.. and round and round it goes.

What is going on is that the abuser has a lot of anger and anxiety, etc. that builds up over time. They have learned that if they have a huge blowup is causes a rush of good brain chemicals that make them feel good and calm them down. So the abuser works this cycle.. they need the fix but have to have the burst of energy, etc from the blowup. So they fabricate something, anything to blow up.

I was married to a classic abuser like your husband for 14 years. The only reason it was for so long is that he was in medical school and residency. After a few years into the marriage he was gone most of the time with the medical education and all his affairs. So I was alone raising our son and working in my job most of the time.

Does your husband blow up like this with his family of origin? Does he do it at work? How about with his friends? If it’s only with you… he’s an abuser. 

Generally bi-polar does not have quick mood swings day in and day out…. Generally their mood swings are over many days/weeks. They do not calm down after a huge blowup.. they only clam down once they are out of a manic phase and then it’s usually not that they calm down but that they go into a depressed phase. Your husband does not sound like this.

Your commission could be a part of this. Many men have trouble with their wife making more than them or having a higher position at work. To this kind of guy, it might sound good to have a wife who makes more than they do, in practice they have low self-esteem and cannot handle it. Someone on here posted some statistics about the fact that men are much more likely to cheat when their wife earns more than them. It’s pretty sad that some men are like this.

However, from what you said, your husband was abusive before you got your commission. So the commission sounds like just one more excuse for him to mistreat you. Spousal abuse is about control. He has a need to control you and uses violence and anger to do it.

There is a good book that you might benefit from “The Dance of Anger”. It went a long way to help me with my ex.

Your husband is a dangerous man. Someday he will hurt you very badly. Keep in mind that in cases of abuse, an abusive husband often kills his wife the 3rd time she tries to leave him. Every time the two of you split… it is more likely that he will hurt you very badly in an attempt to control you. There is a need for you to make a clean break, get a restraining order and get away from him. You are not going to fix this man.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Caligyrl said:


> *I told my husband yesterday that he needed to get help! I swear he's Bi-polar*.


Stop trying to fix him and diagnose him. You cannot fix him.. only he can. Let's say for a moment that he is Bi-Polar.. so what, he's still responsible for his behavior. He knows that he behaves badly... that's why he kisses up to you after he pulls on of his tantrums. There is no acceptable excuse for his behavior.

He's in the military and has access to weapons.. great! :scratchhead:

You need to get yourself in a safe place and get away from him.

Why are you putting up with this?

Here's a question for you. When he has one of his tantrums and starts breaking things... how often does he break any of his favorite things?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

endlessgrief said:


> I think because Bi Polar and Borderline Personality get confused all the time because they are usually described as BPD. I knew one person who was Bi Polar, she was on Lithium and would go through manic phases (for many weeks) and then come back down. Bi Polar is very different from Borderline Personality. Dealing with a Bi Polar person sounds like heaven compared to dealing with a borderline personality, I can tell you that!


I'm well aware of this as I am a BPD'er.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Uptown said:


> Endless, high functioning BPDers typically interact very well with casual friends, business associates, and complete strangers. The reason, as I understand it, is not that those folks have no emotional impact whatsoever. My BPDer exW, for example, gets enormous satisfaction and pleasure from talking with people and helping them.
> 
> Rather, the reason a high functioning BPDer interacts so well with casual friends and strangers is because those folks POSE NO THREAT to his two great fears -- abandonment and engulfment. There is no close LTR that can be abandoned and no intimacy that can make them feel engulfed and suffocated.
> 
> ...


Uptown, your words are exactly right on target. I misspoke about why BPDers are great with strangers. You put it in better terms. You are right, he has no friends. His famous saying that I was raised with was THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A GOOD FRIEND. My father always kept score in his friendly relationships. Like if he helped them shovel snow out of their driveway, he expected them to come to his aid anytime he needed them after that. If they failed to help him to his degree, he would turn on them and hate them instantly.


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