# Dad has not great communication with adult son...



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

So our adult son who is 22 and still living at home..in school and working part time. My husband has trouble talking to him..son is not a great communicator to begin with I admit..however H will get frustrated at times because son does not want to do anything with him or talk to him much. Has been like this for years...at certain times son will talk a little more. 

For example today at lunch..H wanted to take the pup to the dog park so he asked son if he wanted to go...of course he has asked this before and son always says no. But of course H keeps pushing it...why don't you want to go, how come you never talk to me, etc. etc. I have said to H do not do that, simply ask him and when he says no..leave it at that..if you keep bugging him it is just going to make things worse.

I get frustrated with this as well...and not just that I get tense when I hear H asking son something..because usually when son leaves the room H will go on about how come he doesn't talk to me, etc. etc. 

Somewhere along the way H and son got off track years ago and because son is not the best communicator and is not a big talker..never was. IN school the teachers always said he was so quiet...I think it bugs H more than it bugs me. He said his one buddies son's who are adults are so much more outgoing, etc. so I think he compares.

Anyone have any words of advice...anything I can do to try and facilitate communication...I mean you can't force someone to all of a sudden become a great communicator. I don't know what to do...


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Many times I wished I could start over as a parent..I think going back I would have put him in situations growing up where he would have been forced to have better communication..I don't know. 

Sometimes I will be in the store and I will hear a son chatting away to what looks to be their parent and I think very different than with our son...he is a "man of few words" I guess you could say. He is 22 I kind of hope at some point he outgrows his shyness and becomes more confident and more communicative.


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## HiMaint57 (May 24, 2012)

Hi -- IMO a lot of 22 year old young men keep to themselves, especially around their parents. My son was like this for many years. He's 27 now and is a lot more open with me. I used to be like your husband with the "why won't you talk to me?" stuff, but as you say it just makes the kid withdraw further.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

Can you find a common activity they both have an interest in? If they don't currently have a common interest (e.g. - sports, cars, chess, checkers!!!), then have your husband take an interest in something your son likes.

My middle son (29 yrs) really likes hockey. I never really followed the sport, but I started to. We started texting all the time when a game was on. Now it is a lot easier - more natural - to talk about other things.

My younger son (12 yrs) plays Minecraft (too much). But if I spend some time standing over him, asking him about it, having him explain his strategy, he opens up more at other times.


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