# Help with my step-daughter



## SOINLOVE2005 (Apr 14, 2010)

Okay....my husband and I have 3 kids. We have 4, 3, and 8mo old daughters. My husband explained to me over a year ago that he loves the 4 yo, which is his daughter he had before our marriage mores than he loves either of us. How do i deal with feelings of jealously without harming this child's upbringing? He punishes the 4 and 3 yo differently. The 4 yo can get away with mostly anything while our 3 yo gets punished for nearly everything she does. It seems foolish to be jealous while she's over with us, but it seems like I cant shake the feeling. How to I sort these feelings through healthily? Please help.


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## missv (Apr 1, 2010)

I'm not saying he doesn't love her, but he may be feeling a lot of guilt about the breakup with his daughter's mother. Maybe he's overcompensatng by treating her more special...he's trying to make up for not being in her life full-time. I'm not involved with my ex's daughter's life anymore, but when she was a child, he did that with her. Believe it or not, she really does need you. She needs to see what a together marriage can look like and know she's a part of it. It's not easy, but it can be done.


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## limx4 (Apr 21, 2010)

I think it could be a combination of him feeling guilty for starting a "new" family and deep down he could be afraid that the children that you guys have together will be loved more by you and treated better by you. 

I am not saying that you are treating your own kids better but it could be a worry that he has down the road. It sounds like he is trying to protect his daughter from something that she does not need protection from. 

Maybe he is feeling that she will feel left out as the kids all get older. I hope you guys can really sit down and talk about his feelings and yours because I can imagine what he said to you was very painful to hear..


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

This requires open communication. If he won't sit down and discuss it, require a counselor so you can speak honestly about it and set boundaries.


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