# trying to get into a man's mind.............???



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

hi , trying to understand what a man thinks

i run into this man in the neighbourhood .

i am over the other end of the playground with a few woman , watching our kids .

he was at the other end watching his kids . we r single parents .

I waved hello to him and he gave a coy smile and a slight wave to acknowledge which gave me a lukewarm feel .

but knowing him as a nice guy and helpful to me , I didn't want to judge .

then he waved me to go over to him . I went over and we spoke . I talked more as he likes to ask questions about me .

He asked about some stuff which I remembered he asked before and I had told him before . so i wonder if he remembers or he was lost to find topics to talk about ? yet he remembers certain details so I know he listened the last time . He complimented me a few times that I look really good today ( I had make up that day ) ........I blabbered some things and he smiled sweetly at my blabbering ..............


Hmmmmmmmm 

i am confused ?

is he shy ? at 40 years old ?

yet when I asked him for advice and help on certain issues , he had been really opinionated and strong and impressive and he wow me with his intelligence .

I am an extrovert who is never shy so trying to understand .

I would love to walk up and ask him if he wants to date me  haha but I am afraid i freak him out !!!!

Will he get down to actually asking ???


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

He could be shy, even at 40. If he is interested I doubt you would freak him out by asking him out.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

can man in TAM explain what is going in his mind ?

I am nice and friendly mummy in the neighbourhood , not aggressive - unless someone mess with my kids


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

Maybe he's intimidated by you because he likes you too. Opening up when you asked his advice was easy for him because he was talking about something he had knowledge of. He has limited knowledge of you - you're mostly an unknown - so he likely struggles for what to say to you.

There's no harm in asking him out. He complimented you, he waved you over, he is likely just scared to make a move beyond that. He's wondering what YOU think of HIM as you write this


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I would not ask him out. He waved you over to come to him after giving you a lukewarm acknowledgement. He should have come to you instead and made some small conversation. If you are still interested in him, observe his behavior a little while.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Yes, he's shy. Yes, you should ask him out.

He's probably been out of the dating game for quite some time, and is not used to steering a conversation with a woman he's attracted to--because he's shy. That's why he brings up things he's brought up before, but when you GIVE him a topic he's able to speak well to it.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Maybe I should clarify the"lukewarm wave". Before I arrive at the scene my gf called me to tell me he was there with his kids while my gf had my kids there. When I arrived in immediatEly saw him looking bored. I may be wrong but I thot he was grinning to see me but trying to hold himself together. hence the "slight wave". So I felt it was lukewarm. But when he wave me over it was with a big grin. Which makes me feel like a 10 yr old boy waving a 8 yr old crush over kinda thing!!!! It's like transporting to childhood crush days hee hee


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening tripad
he could easily be shy. If you want to, go ahead as ask him out - the worst that is likely to happen is that he will politely decline.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

I'm extrovert 
Most friends are too
We talk n laugh fast 

This man likes to ask me questions n I talked. I stopped after a few sentence, afraid I talked too much. Then he ask questions. Well he does inject comments after me. 

Does introverted man like the woman to talk n talk???? 

Just to understand me a little, I m known to talk in a rather animated lively engaging manner, groomed by my job nature.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening tripad
> he could easily be shy. If you want to, go ahead as ask him out - the worst that is likely to happen is that he will politely decline.


AHHHHHHHHHHHH
embarrassed 

maybe that's why he is not asking yet.........

hey I bake and send him cookies to thank him earlier fro his help


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I think for some introverted people, conversation with a talkative extrovert is easier, because it takes a lot of pressure off them to fill in the "dead air" while they're trying to think of something to say. It doesn't have anything to do with desire to hold a conversation. It's more that they have trouble LEADING the conversation.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> I think for some introverted people, conversation with a talkative extrovert is easier, because it takes a lot of pressure off them to fill in the "dead air" while they're trying to think of something to say. It doesn't have anything to do with desire to hold a conversation. It's more that they have trouble LEADING the conversation.


LOL
maybe he found the right woman in me
my ex calls me the radio deejay ( in a good way) ( we split due to other issues )


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> I think for some introverted people, conversation with a talkative extrovert is easier, because it takes a lot of pressure off them to fill in the "dead air" while they're trying to think of something to say. It doesn't have anything to do with desire to hold a conversation. It's more that they have trouble LEADING the conversation.


but he did hold the conversation well enough .

if he has no desire to hold conversation , why talk ?

once I ask about football and he rattles on and stopped suddenly . well , I have no interest in football . I told him I was trying to find out for my son .


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

tripad said:


> I'm extrovert
> Most friends are too
> We talk n laugh fast
> 
> ...


I m an introvert and my wife is an extrovert. On our first "blind" date she talked so much that I don't think I said 3 words. Been married 23 years. Not a problem. I like the cookie suggestion. Every man likes cookies and it tells him you're thinking about him and will more than likely get him to ask you out.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I think he is just out of the game so long he is nervous. 

Maybe too soon after the end of his marriage or he got dumped and is having self esteem issues?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Some guys do not like the idea of flirting in front of their kids.

In fact, how would things play out for him if you did start a romance and it fizzled?

It could screw up his using that park to take his kids.

he very well could be deliberately NOT flirting with you so he keeps his kid life and his romantic life separate.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

UMP said:


> I m an introvert and my wife is an extrovert. On our first "blind" date she talked so much that I don't think I said 3 words. Been married 23 years. Not a problem. I like the cookie suggestion. Every man likes cookies and it tells him you're thinking about him and will more than likely get him to ask you out.


haha

I meant I already send him cookies much earlier as a thank you for helping me by listening to me and giving me advice on certain issues I had .

Hee hee I baked him chicken too and he texted me that it was delicious too !!!

Hmmmmm actually , he invited once , much earlier , but I told him I would want to go out some time later ( I was still sad then and in the process of divorce )

good to hear that you barely spoke three words on first date . was afraid I talked too much .

I have never been with a introverted man . probably would have miss him out in my younger days . in fact , I may have missed out one quiet good guy in my younger days .....thot he was boring then .....but I was 25 then......

after a divorce and many years later , I seem to think a quiet caring loving man may be a better man . than one who loves himself more and needs attention more like my ex . I prefer to be the princess - haha - but the man can be king then - at the right time and place -


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

tripad said:


> haha
> 
> I meant I already send him cookies much earlier as a thank you for helping me by listening to me and giving me advice on certain issues I had .
> 
> ...


Here is what I think. If I were him and I liked you, I would always show up at the same time and place I previously saw you. If I catch a big fish at a certain location, guess where I'm going to be the next time I fish? Just show up, well groomed at the same time and place. If he is there often, he IS more than likely interested. Let nature take it's course from there.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

naiveonedave said:


> I think he is just out of the game so long he is nervous.
> 
> Maybe too soon after the end of his marriage or he got dumped and is having self esteem issues?


he split many years ago.
wife cheated .

in fact , I told him I have man phobia after my abusive ex .

I asked him if he has woman phobia . he said he recovered .

I am recovering well . tough and poor childhood life helps to improve tenacity and recover fast .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

michzz said:


> Some guys do not like the idea of flirting in front of their kids.
> 
> In fact, how would things play out for him if you did start a romance and it fizzled?
> 
> ...


that same thot is on my mind too

I mean I worry that we don't work out and we cant use that park without feeling awkard to see each other .

but I have the feeling that he is a nice guy and I am a nice woman , if it doesn't work , we can be amiable and still play at the same park ?????????


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

vms said:


> Maybe he's intimidated by you because he likes you too. Opening up when you asked his advice was easy for him because he was talking about something he had knowledge of. He has limited knowledge of you - you're mostly an unknown - so he likely struggles for what to say to you.
> 
> There's no harm in asking him out. He complimented you, he waved you over, he is likely just scared to make a move beyond that. He's wondering what YOU think of HIM as you write this


I am a woman. That is bull****. The entire concept of "He is intimidated by you" was invented by a "nice" man to get out of being honest.

If you like him, just ask him out, the worse thing he can say is No and that is okay. You will get over it.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Shyness happens. 

Drop him a less subtle hint.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

I prefer the man to ask me out 

so I will wait 

he did ask once sometime back but I was not ready then and I did tell him 

he will ask again

I think

I will drop a hint 

let me ponder what kind of hint ...........

if only things are more straight forward ......


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

tripad said:


> I will drop a hint
> 
> let me ponder what kind of hint ...........


Cleavage works wonders:smthumbup:


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

If he won't ask you out, you should take the initiative to do so OP.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Next time you see him, tell him about some awesome event coming to your town soon that you're dying to attend, and then lament the fact that you have nobody to take you.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I think you're massively overthinking this. 

It's 2015, you're both parents, you've both been married and divorced.

If you want to go out with him, ask him out.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

UMP said:


> Cleavage works wonders:smthumbup:


LOL

skirt and legs too

caught him looking . oh , he told me I am "looking really good lately with the exercises" I pick up "in his opinion"


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

marduk said:


> I think you're massively overthinking this.
> 
> It's 2015, you're both parents, you've both been married and divorced.
> 
> If you want to go out with him, ask him out.


LOL

nice to talk to adults


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> Next time you see him, tell him about some awesome event coming to your town soon that you're dying to attend, and then lament the fact that you have nobody to take you.


Not my style 

I prefer the drop a hint or cleavage ?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> Not my style
> 
> I prefer the drop a hint or cleavage ?


Don't tease him or show cleavage.....that will only raise the pressure.

Look, if you REALLY want to relieve the pressure.....ask him out.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

tripad said:


> Not my style
> 
> I prefer the drop a hint or cleavage ?


Cleavage works. Unless he is an arse man. Then well...

Just ask him out. What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Asking him is the clearest, fastest, most effective method.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> Don't tease him or show cleavage.....that will only raise the pressure.
> 
> Look, if you REALLY want to relieve the pressure.....ask him out.


LOL

interesting perspective 

to see things from a man's viewpoint


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

hi guys 

another thing I want to understand .

when I text him for advice about some issues . he will reply fast and ready . even when he is in another country ( work , holiday , or back home ). or if he cant reply , he will pre warn me that he would not be reachable in next few hours . so sweet m responsible .

I noticed 2-3 times I send him nice mushy text to thank him for being so sweet and helpful and there is no reply to acknowledge . why ?:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:

introverted man cant handle compliments and mushy thank you text ?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

tripad said:


> hi guys
> 
> another thing I want to understand .
> 
> ...


He is wondering if he should return a sweet mushy "you're welcome text". Decides it not best as he might feel he is leading you on(when in his mind he wish his actions were leading to something more.) Strong silent type. Always dependable but short on the expressing his feelings department. That takes time. At any rate, ask him out for cocoa.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

tripad said:


> I prefer the man to ask me out
> 
> so I will wait
> 
> ...


My opinion, tell him there is a movie/play/ball game that you want to see. Opens the door for him to ask you to go to it....


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

tripad said:


> hi guys
> 
> another thing I want to understand .
> 
> ...


I think he thinks your thanks is the end of the conversation. No need to reply. My SIL won't stop the endless texts, if she says thanks, I respond with "K", she will immediately respond.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

tripad said:


> hi guys
> 
> another thing I want to understand .
> 
> ...


That's a great question! You should ask him that when you meet him for coffee!


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

oh, so this is more than just a random guy at the park, you actually exchanged phone numbers and communicate regularly?! Who asked for who's number? If you're that comfortable chatting with him and texting, then why not even start out with asking for a play date between your children at a place other than the park? Then it's more purposeful than running into one another. Then maybe he'll reciprocate and ask you out for coffee etc.


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

ne9907 said:


> I am a woman. That is bull****. *The entire concept of "He is intimidated by you" was invented by a "nice" man to get out of being honest.*
> 
> If you like him, just ask him out, the worse thing he can say is No and that is okay. You will get over it.


What do you mean by this? What is a guy who says that not being honest about?


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

ask him out.

he may not even be shy. If he already asked and you said you weren't ready, at this point, he's being simply being polite and respecting your situation, IMO. 

Just ask him, even do so by acknowledging that he did so before, and that you're ready now and you appreciate him keeping the communication open while you got life sorted out.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

That's a great point ^^

He doesn't know when you're "ready" if you haven't communicated that to him. You were clear and direct when you told him you weren't ready, so he's keeping himself in a holding pattern until he receives communication that you are.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Adeline said:


> oh, so this is more than just a random guy at the park, you actually exchanged phone numbers and communicate regularly?! Who asked for who's number? If you're that comfortable chatting with him and texting, then why not even start out with asking for a play date between your children at a place other than the park? Then it's more purposeful than running into one another. Then maybe he'll reciprocate and ask you out for coffee etc.


not random guy .

friends in neighbourhood for 5 years . not buddies . casual friends . i knew him and kids when he was freshly divorced . he knew my family casual basis . now i m newly divorced .


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> hi guys
> 
> another thing I want to understand .
> 
> when I text him for advice about some issues . he will reply fast and ready . even when he is in another country ( work , holiday , or back home ). or if he cant reply , he will pre warn me that he would not be reachable in next few hours . so sweet m responsible .


This, and everything you have told me points to "he likes you A LOT".



tripad said:


> I noticed 2-3 times I send him nice mushy text to thank him for being so sweet and helpful and there is no reply to acknowledge . why ?:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


no reply doesn't mean that he didn't crack a smile or was thankful etc. He is not vocal about it, that's all.

Stop texting him!



tripad said:


> introverted man cant handle compliments and mushy thank you text ?


I don't like you using this term on a man that you hardly know. Don't assume ANYTHING.

That's why I don't recommend texting, cause you can't see the other persons face/atmosphere etc. 

But lack of appreciation is something you SHOULD keep an eye on if you decide to date.....


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> not random guy .
> 
> friends in neighbourhood for 5 years . not buddies . casual friends . i knew him and kids when he was freshly divorced . he knew my family casual basis . now i m newly divorced .


When was your divorce exactly?

If it's ANYTHING recent (as in 6 months or less)....chances are HIGH that he is smart and knows that you need time to heal/recover.

THUS why he does not even want to date you.

He can also be skeptical about you and the fact that you want to rush into another relationship before you even heal from your last one......which is understandable.

And NO, if any of the above is the case I would NoT recommend that you ask him out. BUT, something along the line of "<insert name>, I know I'm freshly divorced and I am taking time to heal etc......but when taht time comes, I would love to go out on a date with you" would go a LONG way to show him that you are not only smart but also a responsible adult (which is probably something he is looking for).

Also, please stop assuming that he is an introvert or shy. It can be that he is simply smart and doesn't want to rush in/reserved....knowing you just came out of the marriage (doesn't want rebound type of a deal).


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Also, introverted isn't necessarily shy. They're different things. Now, and introvert could be mistaken as shy, or they might be both, but in general, using myself as an example...

I'm an introvert, I'm not shy. I can sit in a room of people talking about stuff I know nothing about, and be supremely interested, but just have nothing to say and am comfortable with that even when I don't know anyone in the room.

A shy person wouldn't be saying things when they had interesting things to add to the conversation and would be uncomfortable without someone they knew there.

Just some perspective if he's an introvert. Hope it helps.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> That's a great point ^^
> 
> He doesn't know when you're "ready" if you haven't communicated that to him. You were clear and direct when you told him you weren't ready, so he's keeping himself in a holding pattern until he receives communication that you are.


yeah

i am a straight forward person

people will know if i like or dislike him/her or something .

I should let him know .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> When was your divorce exactly?


separated more than a year 

divorce papers just finalized


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

with all due respect....your posts sound like the scattered rantings of a 16 y/o girl. You're a grown woman and mother, and you want to drop hints or flash your boobs at a guy to get him to ask you out, when you clearly already have a friendship established with him. There are a couple other things that I'm picking up on that I don't want to extrapolate, but suffice it to say, you don't sound ready for a relationship.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> When was your divorce exactly?
> 
> If it's ANYTHING recent (as in 6 months or less)....chances are HIGH that he is smart and knows that you need time to heal/recover.
> 
> ...


i am not rushing . i am holding back . don't want a rebound story . not especially on him .

i just feel more recovered . and happy again .

like i can move on .


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Asking him out for coffee doesn't necessarily mean "relationship".


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> yeah
> 
> i am a straight forward person
> 
> ...


You said you are straight forward person.....but you are not.

Just because you THINK people can sense things about you from your actions, doesn't mean they do.

And yes, you should let him know (assuming you are ready....)

We like WORDS not HINTS.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> i am not rushing . i am holding back . don't want a rebound story . not especially on him .
> 
> i just feel more recovered . and happy again .
> 
> like i can move on .


How long has it been since your divorce?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

changedbeliefs said:


> with all due respect....your posts sound like the scattered rantings of a 16 y/o girl. You're a grown woman and mother, and you want to drop hints or flash your boobs at a guy to get him to ask you out, when you clearly already have a friendship established with him. There are a couple other things that I'm picking up on that I don't want to extrapolate, but suffice it to say, you don't sound ready for a relationship.


hello
the boob is a joke 

i am very well covered up kind of girl/woman though i look good .

n scattered ranting 16 yr old wont be working and feeding my children independently . n even bail my husband out of his debts his family created !

hello hello


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> You said you are straight forward person.....but you are not.
> 
> Just because you THINK people can sense things about you from your actions, doesn't mean they do.
> 
> ...



i am straight forward 

i think before i do . hence i m here at TAM talking and talking .....

i feel like i m approaching 'ready' soon

so planning next move .

hope he ask 

if not what to do 

i am a thinker n planner . one that take a long time .....to ponder and ponder .....

even my ex says i think n plan too much . yeah . hence he gets into trouble and i pick up the mess , all the time .


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## JustAnotherMan (Jun 27, 2012)

He asked you out previously and you told him you weren't ready. He has been considerate and polite. 

You have to tell him you're ready.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

DoF nailed it. You want to know what's going on in a man's mind? We like words, not hints.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> i feel like i m approaching 'ready' soon


You seem to refuse to answer my question....yet tell me how straight forward you are.

How long since your divorce?

If you are NOT READY or 6 months or less, I suggest you tell him what I said in a previous post ASAP.

"<insert name>, I know I'm freshly divorced and I am taking time to heal etc......but when that time comes, I would love to go out on a date with you" 

This will go a long way.

The reason why he hasn't asked you out is because he knows you are not ready.......and is reserved about asking you out.

If you tell him above, he will not only like you more, he will have a WHOLE new respect for you and think of you as a smart woman!

Good luck



JustAnotherMan said:


> He asked you out previously and you told him you weren't ready. He has been considerate and polite.
> 
> You have to tell him you're ready.


She might think she is ready.....but might not really know.

We need to know how long has it been since the divorce.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> You seem to refuse to answer my question....yet tell me how straight forward you are.
> 
> How long since your divorce?
> 
> ...




thot i answered 

divorce just finalized 

exactly - December 

separated since mid 2013

how to tell him that "i would love to go on a date with you" when he ask me n children out for a game outing with him n his kids . 

not exactly a date kind of date 

but it brought tears to my eyes when he asked . my ex doesn't play ball with my children


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

i repeat

i said i am here talking n planning one step ahead 

i m about to be ready so call ready soon emotionally 

exact date of readiness unknown

coming soon 

know when i am there


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> thot i answered
> 
> divorce just finalized
> 
> ...


Slow down....first, IF You start dating.......DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS KNOW/or get them involved.

Wait until your relationship is SERIOUS (as in 6 months/1 year) until you introduce your kids. Remember, ANY male figure is potential father figure to your kids. YOU Need to make sure that man is fit to be that person and KNOW THEM WELL. 

That takes TIME.

I know that you have desires of him fitting into that role today......but that wouldn't be smart.

Noticed you said you were separated since 2013, so seems like you probably did most of your healing already.......

Tell him when you feel that you are ready (in words)......and punt the ball to his court, see how he replies. If he doesn't' ask you out.....you do it.


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## BucksBunny (Jan 6, 2015)

Ok calm Tripad and others no one is 16 or I want to know what there folks are doing letting on them this forum (can’t find a clown nose funny face that is a joke from me).

I found it very interesting reading this thread Tripad no one is a mind reader and neither is he. Same got me thinking honest I was same a few BF’s that did not work out and moving to London big city here. Struck me as so random how people get together I have no complaint in any way with my H but I will admit I was cheated on by a BF and shut my self off for a year to heal. Dated a few guys at least 2 I thought I was sending body language come get me answer will not be no, pulse singles on every frequency god even Morse code nothing. Met H and without thinking we fell into dating. Asked him when I had an engagement ring why? Had met him a few times in company he puts it down to a night he was not happy with friends and I stopped for 2mins to chat nothing more.

That random at times so don’t miss a word or a casual comfortable moment even if it’s a couple of minutes. Never know so get relaxed and just go with it I never scored when I was trying.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> Slow down....first, IF You start dating.......DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS KNOW/or get them involved.
> 
> Wait until your relationship is SERIOUS (as in 6 months/1 year) until you introduce your kids. Remember, ANY male figure is potential father figure to your kids. YOU Need to make sure that man is fit to be that person and KNOW THEM WELL.
> 
> ...


i have desires of a good man to fit that role . it may or may not be him . I wont know . I pray for a good one .

like i mentioned earlier , we already know each other's family long ago , in same neighbourhood . kids do play together when they meet in park .

i probably wont go on that game outing , not to introduce kids on that level . they are smart n will pick up on it .

prefer just him n me . to see if we fit in . if not , easier to split . n remain friends . intend to keep him as friend if it doesn't work out . think he is a good friend to have . reliable .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

BucksBunny said:


> Ok calm Tripad and others no one is 16 or I want to know what there folks are doing letting on them this forum (can’t find a clown nose funny face that is a joke from me).
> 
> I found it very interesting reading this thread Tripad no one is a mind reader and neither is he. Same got me thinking honest I was same a few BF’s that did not work out and moving to London big city here. Struck me as so random how people get together I have no complaint in any way with my H but I will admit I was cheated on by a BF and shut my self off for a year to heal. Dated a few guys at least 2 I thought I was sending body language come get me answer will not be no, pulse singles on every frequency god even Morse code nothing. Met H and without thinking we fell into dating. Asked him when I had an engagement ring why? Had met him a few times in company he puts it down to a night he was not happy with friends and I stopped for 2mins to chat nothing more.
> 
> That random at times so don’t miss a word or a casual comfortable moment even if it’s a couple of minutes. Never know so get relaxed and just go with it I never scored when I was trying.


LOL

like the never score when you were trying part 

yup yup i believe in that 

I didn't even try to hint anyone or "score" anyone . 

no interest 

this guy happen to be already a casual friend

like you said the random thing that brings people together is strange 

yup yup

years ago i just moved into neighbourhood and talked to his son , trying to introduce my son . next we attend each other children's parties . I know he was touched by my kindness when he approached me during my party for my delicious fish for his son and I packed all i had for him as I sympatised with him that his wife is gone and i wonder what food a man feeds children .

LOL i am a good cook . hence that comment .

maybe he is returning the kindness n friendship .


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

tripad said:


> maybe he is returning the kindness n friendship .


Men don't befriend people we don't like/find attractive.

Thus why I don't believe in male/female friendships.

Most don't anyways......


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

tripad said:


> yeah
> 
> i am a straight forward person
> 
> ...


You're straightforward but won't ask him out?

"Hey dude, I'm going to starbucks, want to join me for a cup of coffee?"

Sounds pretty straightforward.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> Men don't befriend people we don't like/find attractive.
> 
> Thus why I don't believe in male/female friendships.
> 
> Most don't anyways......


i think the attraction is mutual now .

i have the same belief man and woman cant be pals

early days , maybe he has admiration and envy towards me , the wifey n motherly woman belonging to another man . while his wife cheated and didnt mother her children .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

marduk said:


> You're straightforward but won't ask him out?
> 
> "Hey dude, I'm going to starbucks, want to join me for a cup of coffee?"
> 
> Sounds pretty straightforward.


I will ask ..... later...... give him a chance to do the chase first

cant ask that way you suggested , wont work

we are both busy single parents and working , always running in and out 

and i may be traditional but that way may seem like I treat him without respect for his time and i am not genuine


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

dubsey said:


> Also, introverted isn't necessarily shy. They're different things. Now, and introvert could be mistaken as shy, or they might be both, but in general, using myself as an example...
> 
> I'm an introvert, I'm not shy. I can sit in a room of people talking about stuff I know nothing about, and be supremely interested, but just have nothing to say and am comfortable with that even when I don't know anyone in the room.
> 
> ...


I understood that .

He is quiet and introverted . maybe shy towards a woman he likes perphaps ?

He is definitely not shy as nature . He does well for himself in his business .

better way to describe would be quiet and unassuming . A smart man - from conversation I have with him .

take note - I am smart too p


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I'm an introvert and I'm not shy at all either. On top of it, if you sit me in the room full of people I will talk their ears off.......I can easily win a small talk contest.

Read: you would never even know I'm an introvert.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

man's opinion

I am 46 though i look 37-38

I dont drink nor smoke , exercise , eat well , healthy fit life style , good genes , great hair . 
I am in good shape physically and has fair smooth good skin which helps me to look young too .

He is 39 . looks good too . not as well maintained though .

If I am with him , I probably scrub his face and apply mask n cream , that kinda of thing . 

I dont think he knows I am older than him . he probably thought i am ard his age .

Does age matters ?


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

tripad said:


> I understood that .
> 
> He is quiet and introverted . maybe shy towards a woman he likes perphaps ?
> 
> ...


I don't think I was implying anything, if you took it that way, my apologies.

You were using the two interchangeably. I was just using an example to point out, in my opinion, he's not shy - at all, he's simply being completely respectful of your situation and, if he's interested, he's waiting on you.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

tripad said:


> man's opinion
> 
> I am 46 though i look 37-38
> 
> ...


For me, age only matters when the difference is 10+ years difference. Your ages are very much in a good ballpark.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

dubsey said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> > I understood that .
> ...



Np I may have been careless n use the two words interchangeably 

Thanks for your contribution. It's much appreciated


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Anyone else who thinks the age difference is an issues?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Are you both from the same general culture?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

john117 said:


> Are you both from the same general culture?


he is british

i am asian chinese .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

john117 said:


> Are you both from the same general culture?


culture wise

he seems traditionally british , though good looking but a little old fashioned world kinda way . the little i know and can tell .

i am asian chinese , petitie size good genes n healthy life style helps to make me look younger than my age . educated and westernised in some ways , but somewhat traditionally chinese thinking in family values .

wow , your occupation - psychology - fantastic to help out here !


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Age in late 30s to 40s doesn't matter much. At that point, many people have similar life experiences. It's not like in the 20s where someone can be 25 going on 40 and the other one is 25 going on 18 in terms of life experience. My wife is 4 years older than me. no one would know if we didn't tell them.

He's British, eh? I'll amend, he's not being polite and waiting for you, he's being properly respectful of your situation, and polite.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

dubsey said:


> Age in late 30s to 40s doesn't matter much. At that point, many people have similar life experiences. It's not like in the 20s where someone can be 25 going on 40 and the other one is 25 going on 18 in terms of life experience. My wife is 4 years older than me. no one would know if we didn't tell them.
> 
> He's British, eh? I'll amend, he's not being polite and waiting for you, he's being properly respectful of your situation, and polite.


u british too ?

ya , he is very respectful when we have conversation . very refreshing for me , nice .

haha , so polite and respectful means ??? no interest in me ??? was just polite ???


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

No, not British, but have several friends I play soccer with/against who are British.

Anyway, no respectful and polite doesn't mean no interest. Based upon what you've given us, he's being respectful and polite of your situation because he already asked once and you said you weren't ready, which is completely understandable, especially since he's been through it himself.

That said, from his perspective, it could also have been a very polite brush off from you, so, I think the ball is in your court to make the move.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

OMG I didn't see it as a brush off! But ya u r right. 

I was sad then. Didnt see it that way. Wasn't seeing anything other than darkness then. 

Hope he is still available. 

Will hint first. 

Gosh!!!!!! Now I must do the asking!!!!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

tripad said:


> wow , your occupation - psychology - fantastic to help out here !



Not that kind of psychology unfortunately  I work in product design and development (electronics) where we use cognitive psychology along with industrial design, engineering, and so on to design and build cool stuff.

I would not worry about age - Asian women age slower physically. Mentally is a different story. My wife is Central Asian and 55, and looks easily a decade younger, usually more. Mentally tho she's a great grandma... I also dated a couple Chinese Asian women 30 plus years ago, still keep in touch, and they look way younger... Nothing like us recycled Europeans and our tired genes 

You sound you're much younger mentally so that's that. Go for it! Find some activities for both your kids and his and volunteer to take all of them. That's not a direct date request but a bit more subtle "say your kids and my kids wanted to see Frozen / Manchester United / The Stranglers can I take your kids?"


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Thread slow n carefully, don't involve the kids first 

I'll hint first that my sun is shining again 

I think he is still keen on me ( my gut feel) as mentioned in earlier post. 

N I seriously just love the way he asked how r u n stare into my eyes, like he is seriously keen to know how I m coping. 

When I mentioned it's tough to be a single mom, he flinched, smile gone, but didnt ask further, when I didn't elaborate. 

Nice. Never got that from past bf nor my ex H.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Try this

Diligently cleanse mask splatter anti ageing cream eat drink healthy avoid 11-3 sun n you look young! 

Ha my brother depends on me to buy him stuff to maintain his face


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

tripad said:


> hi , trying to understand what a man thinks
> 
> i run into this man in the neighbourhood .
> 
> ...


He might have a girlfriend and is just being friendly.

If he would freak out over you asking him to go get a cup of coffee or lunch, than do you really want to date him??


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Cobalt said:


> He might have a girlfriend and is just being friendly.
> 
> If he would freak out over you asking him to go get a cup of coffee or lunch, than do you really want to date him??


Well , if he has a gf , i wish him well . He has so far been a great guy offering me support and help . lucky girl . I will stay a friend , not too close .

He wont "freak out" . He is calm and steady . Maybe he will decline me courteously . so no date to talk about .


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## homerjay (Dec 12, 2014)

tripad said:


> hi , trying to understand what a man thinks
> 
> i run into this man in the neighbourhood .
> 
> ...


He may like you and be coy...its not an age dependent thing...

You can ask him...but to be honest i am not sure if he is truly interested. He could be but its a matter of waiting it out to see..


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

tripad said:


> Well , if he has a gf , i wish him well . He has so far been a great guy offering me support and help . lucky girl . I will stay a friend , not too close .
> 
> He wont "freak out" . He is calm and steady . Maybe he will decline me courteously . so no date to talk about .


You mentioned he might "freak out" in your OP. my bad

good luck!


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Freak out as in surprised shocked but in control 

Not freak out like spongebox square pants


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

homerjay said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> > hi , trying to understand what a man thinks
> ...



M.aware 

M prepared 

With an abusive ex a divorce n 2 boys n having to work n feed my boys 
N not being 18 yrs old 

I think I can handle a man who may not be interested in romantic way 

I'll still appreciate the friendship


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

tripad said:


> Freak out as in surprised shocked but in control
> 
> Not freak out like spongebox square pants


omg....I love Spongebob! :smthumbup:


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

HI ladies and gentleman ,

I was moving on with life after divorce and eating well , keeping fit , shopping for new slim me , feeling happier like the good me returning .

Then Bam Wham , i was hit by guilt !!!!! guilt that i push for divorce and deprive my physically and financially and emotionally abusive ex H and my children a complete family .

Guilt gnaw at me for days and I lost weight and sleep over guilt !!!! It is like I am happy now at the expense of them . Guilt ate me up .

I cant withhold guilt alone and I text my dear old single dad friend if he was free to throw some advice , to ask if he has same struggle . ( I dont have any other divorced friend ) ( before this , all friends are married and happy and with kids )

sweet old him immediately replied that he is on business trip and will soon go into no wifi zone and for me to send him text and he will get back asap . and he apologised for delayed response .

sweet guy .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

better settle MR guilt before I venture to hint him for coffee .


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

tripad said:


> HI ladies and gentleman ,
> 
> I was moving on with life after divorce and eating well , keeping fit , shopping for new slim me , feeling happier like the good me returning .
> 
> ...


A business trip on a Saturday? 

okaaaaaay.......


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Not uncommon depending on his line of work.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Cobalt said:


> A business trip on a Saturday?
> 
> okaaaaaay.......


cobalt , get lost ! scram ! have thrill else where !

he has been away for a week . 

if he happens to be anything like you think , he can screw anyone easily , and younger and prettier than me , he is good looking and has a good business going on . 

there is completely no need to spend time providing emo support to a single mum with children for so long and even longer more to come . I dont hop into bed with any man unless i'm sure marriage is considered and we are in it for LTR .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

cobalt 

i am not new to man and relationship .

*******s who try to get laid already tried . they want fast gratification . 

Gosh , the moment two idiots heard i m separated and divorcing . 

one single dad from my son's school touched my arms and stared into my eyes . I avoided him . gosh , the way he stared at me when we meet in school , he is mentally molesting me !!!! goosebumps .

and another married man tried to email me constantly and complimented me while hiding he's married . fate has it that i drove past him and saw a woman and in the next email he tried to chat me up , i commented that's your wife and he back off .

slime ball .


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

tripad said:


> cobalt , get lost ! scram ! have thrill else where !



omg....you sound like my wife!


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

tripad said:


> cobalt
> 
> i am not new to man and relationship .
> 
> ...


:rofl:

men are pigs!

I'm just messing with you, tripad  I know you can handle yourself.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Cobalt said:


> :rofl:
> 
> men are pigs!
> 
> I'm just messing with you, tripad  I know you can handle yourself.


stop messing 

of course i can handle myself

ive boys interested in me since junior school . I grow up with 4 older brothers seeing them in underpants ard the house . boys/man are not new .


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

tripad said:


> can man in TAM explain what is going in his mind ?
> 
> I am nice and friendly mummy in the neighbourhood , not aggressive - unless someone mess with my kids


He sounds interested. He sounds anxious, which may be why he asked you the same question. I am pretty shy and I get anxious around people. I could see myself doing something like that. You should ask him out.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

He did ask me once before I was ready 

Hint n let him ask again 

Think he may want to be ' the man ' n do the chase. 

Like I ask him for advice on my guilt issue, and other times, he immediately tells me he may not reply immediately as WiFi reception is no good n will get back ASAP 

I guess he bothers about what I think or feel if response is not forthcoming so he must be interested in me more than a friend. 

I won't bother informing someone that way and will reply at my own time if I not interested in you. Right?


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

tripad said:


> He did ask me once before I was ready
> 
> Hint n let him ask again
> 
> ...


Maybe. Who knows. I guess you will just have to wait. I don't buy into the men like to chase argument but if he is interested hopefully he will ask you out again. It's pretty hard for us shy people to deal with rejection so I don't know. Just wait and see and flirt and hopefully he will get up the guts to ask you again.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Will update here again


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Ladies n gentleman 

Can anyone explain the guilt i feel out of the blue after I move on n was happier? 

I feel like I betrayed my ex n children in exchange for my selfish escape from an abusive husband. He claims he loves me but.........


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