# Self Divorce Advice



## 2yearsago (Jun 28, 2013)

I am ready to divorce my wife. We both agree that divorce is the best option. It's a long story but as a quick overview we have been married for 20 years, have 2 daughters(ages 10 & 14). W started an affair 3 years ago that was on/off for 9 months. I've tried everything I know how to reconcile and she has always barely phoned in any effort. I am at the point that I realize it is unhealthy for me to continue in this relationship. It's time to move on. I don't want to waste any more of my life.

Earlier this summer I had several free consultations with divorce lawyers. I could pick up the phone to one of them and simply say "I'd like to file" and the process would begin. However, the wife and I started talking about self divorce. Last couple of days I have looked into this.

There are websites online that can download the paperwork for anywhere from $150 - $300, fill it out, send it back and they will fill it out all legal like, then I can take it down to the courthouse and file for $170 in my state.

Any experience with self divorce is welcome. Thanks!


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Self divorce (or amiable) can be done, but take the time to do some research before you file so that you know your rights and the required process. There are several ways to go about this, just pick your poison.

Some todo's:
A. Research:
1. Your state statutes on divorce & custody
2. How to protect yourself in the event your divorce turns sour. There are a couple of websites for divorcing Dad's that have good info.
3. Custody schedules that would work for you and your stbx. I cannot emphasize enough that you need to pay attention to your states guidance on child support when you come up with this schedule. 

B Make a list of all your assts: bank accounts, retirements, savings, ect with approximate value

C. Make a list of all your material possessions: Cars, TVs, furniture, ect

D. Make a list of all your debts with approximate value

E. List of lawyers that you have interviewed that could represent you.


Keep one thing in mind when you right up your paperwork, in most states you are entitled to at least 50/50 parenting time with you children. Do not bargain this away, your girls need a Dad in their lives. It can also bite you (see A.3 above) if you allow your stbx to assume the majority of parenting time. Child support can be high in some states depending on the amount of time the kids spend with you, do your research.

Now that you are done with your todo's. Take item B, C, & D and divide each list in half or pretty close. Half is for you, the other half is for your stbx. Also keep in mind that you are in a long term marriage, one of you may be eligible for alimony. Especially if your stbx has been a stay at home mom. This can be up to 40% of your take home pay in some states. Verify to yourself that you can afford to live on your half and what may remain of your salary.

Go down to the courthouse and chat up the Clerk of the Court. There is usually a good chance they will give you a copy of the documents you need to fill out and file. If not, they can point you in the right direction.

Use your knowledge from item A (above) to draft the documents. Make sure to include division of marital assets and a custody schedule. The two of you need to sign and have the paperwork notorized. At this point, you can go back to the Clerk and pay your $170 to file the paperwork, if you are comfortable with what the two of you came up with. Or, use item E to review the documents for accuracy. This will set you back a couple of hours of their time ($200-400) but could potentially save you in the long run if they find an error or miscalculation. They may tell you okay or that you are screwing yourself.

States are different, some will require a separation period, some only make you wait a couple months for a court date to divorce. You will need that time for the two of you to establish separate residences. As long as you agreed, separate your stuff and one of you needs to look at finding a new place.

If your state requires a separation period, there will most likely be another document that you all will need to file to request a court date. Otherwise, when the court date rolls around, at least one of you needs to show up for the hearing. In my state, it was a couple of questions, a review of your documents, and the judge signed off on the divorce. 

As long as things stay amiable, you will probably be fine. I would still take action to protect yourself in the event things don't go as you would like. I can't tell you how many times a spouse has the other spouse arrested on a false domestic violence charge to gain leverage in a divorce & custody battle. It may seem impossible, but I would protect myself until the final papers are signed by the judge.


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