# Husband wants to separate/divorce,but still have sex?



## bluecupcake24 (Aug 17, 2013)

Hey. I have been having marriage problems. a couple weeks ago, my husband told me out of the blue that he wanted to separate, because he didn't think he loved me any more. i felt very blindsided. Now, he is staying with a friend while he thinks about things. He has set a date for september 1st when he will tell me what his decision is for sure. He says he doesn't want to string me along, so he will either at this date decide that its over for good and start the divorce, or come home and give the marriage another chance. I'm very shattered and heart broken. He said tho, that even if he wants the divorce, we could still be friends with benefits, and have sex a lot. what? I feel very used when he says this. I told him that i am a package deal, and if he doesn't love me then he isn't getting no sex from me. It hurts how he can separate love and sex so much. I am his wife, i feel very used and disrespected. A week ago, we did have sex, i thought it might change his mind, but it didn't. and the weekend before he gives me his final decision he wants to take me over night to a hotel out of town, for some time to ourselves to explore and see if we can rekindle the spark. He says we can have fun and have lots of sex, but no pressure on him to make a decision. I love him so much. but i feel like he's toying with my emotions so much lately. Every one tells me to just forget about him and just let him go, but its easier said than done. Apparently sex with me is amazing, he just doesn't love me any more. i don't know. whats your take on this? Is the fact that he would even bring up having sex after we are separated/divorced say a lot about his character? A man who truly cared about your feelings wouldn't act like this would he?


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I would advise against going along with that. He should not get to have his cake and eat it too. Hopefully it will give him time to realize hes made a mistake. If he can leave and be carefree and single and still get regular sex from you he may not realize what he would be missing in life with you not in it.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You either work on the marriage together, or you work on divorcing amicably (hopefully) and divorce does not include sex. 

Gripes, it's almost like he already has another woman and is trying to decide which he likes best.

I'm so sorry you are being treated like this! That is just awful!


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Uhm...no? 

What he's saying is he doesn't want to share a life with you, but he wants to bang you when he gets horny. 

He's playing with you and your emotions. Any guy worth the powder to blow him to hell knows that sex is typically a very emotional thing for a woman....even those women we've had "FWB" type things with. There are exceptions, but, by and large, women become more emotionally invested when the sex starts.

Were I you, I'd tell him to go screw himself, because he won't be screwing you.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are right. He does not care about your feelings. He wants you on the side and the freedom to have other women and a life as a single person. What a deal for him. it's rotten for you.

Have you done any investigation as to whether or not he is cheating? His behavior is very typical of a cheater. The move out so that they can more easily hide their affair(s). But they want their spouse like always. IT's called "cake eating".

I'd advise you to not leave the final decision here up to him. If you do you are allowing him to seriously disrespect you.

If you file for divorce it would shock the living bageebees out of him. And it might just wake him up to realize that he could lose you forever and you have choices in this just as he does.

Just remember that a divorce can be stopped at anytime before a judge signs the final decree. Plus, even if the divorce is final, there is re-marriage. 

Sometimes you have to be willing to lose something/someone you love to get them back. Or at least to put up a good fight to try to get the back.

and no sex, he's left you.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You could have sex and finish it with a ruined orgasm for him. Let him have the cake but with a crap end result
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Sounds like you definitely have a self-esteem problem. Since you are repeatedly putting yourself in a compromising position with someone who clearly does not respect you on the chance that they will "change their mind."

He's not going to cum inside you and go, "OMG, I DO respect and cherish her now!"

He's going to tell you whatever you want to hear so he can get off, and then go back to not being sure about the relationship. And why wouldn't he? You're letting him get away with it.

Find some self-respect and tell this loser to hit the road.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

bluecupcake24 said:


> Hey. I have been having marriage problems. a couple weeks ago, my husband told me out of the blue that he wanted to separate, because he didn't think he loved me any more. i felt very blindsided. Now, he is staying with a friend while he thinks about things. He has set a date for september 1st when he will tell me what his decision is for sure. He says he doesn't want to string me along, so he will either at this date decide that its over for good and start the divorce, or come home and give the marriage another chance. I'm very shattered and heart broken. He said tho, that even if he wants the divorce, we could still be friends with benefits, and have sex a lot. what? I feel very used when he says this. I told him that i am a package deal, and if he doesn't love me then he isn't getting no sex from me. It hurts how he can separate love and sex so much. I am his wife, i feel very used and disrespected. A week ago, we did have sex, i thought it might change his mind, but it didn't. and the weekend before he gives me his final decision he wants to take me over night to a hotel out of town, for some time to ourselves to explore and see if we can rekindle the spark. He says we can have fun and have lots of sex, but no pressure on him to make a decision. I love him so much. but i feel like he's toying with my emotions so much lately. Every one tells me to just forget about him and just let him go, but its easier said than done. Apparently sex with me is amazing, he just doesn't love me any more. i don't know. whats your take on this? Is the fact that he would even bring up having sex after we are separated/divorced say a lot about his character? A man who truly cared about your feelings wouldn't act like this would he?



I would cut my losses, get the divorce over with and move on. The fact that he still wants to be friends with you, so he can get sex, but not be married, is disgusting. You deserve respect and so much more. Find a man who will love you for you and then rock his world.

Did you find out why your hb suddenly wanted to split and divorce?

I could be wrong but he might already be seeing another woman, it got serious and now he wants a divorce, but still use you for sex. Not cool.

This soon to be ex man of yours disgusts me.

Women are not sex objects and pieces of meat to be used.

What goes around always comes around, so he will get his big time!!!

Wishing you a speedy divorce and find a good man that treats you right.


----------



## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

So he doesn't want to be with you but only to use you like a ***** when he sees fit. You might get the call to go to the clinic to check yourself for an std because of a ONS he had while drunk a few days ago. Next thing you know he has a GF and forgets to tell you while both of you continue to have sex. Then he is engaged but also forgets to tell you that as well. You see here I'm going with this.

You should have more respect for yourself then to be used as a booty call when its convenient for him. Find another man who will appreciate you. ALL OF YOU.


----------



## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

If you had self esteem you would make the decision for him and not bother waiting until this *********s deadline. 

Send him a telegram to **** off and eat his heart out when another man that loves you is enjoying amazing sex with his soon to be ex wife. 

That ought to get his head out of his ass right after it's too late but you will have empowered yourself not to be a anyone's door mat. 

You go girl.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If he wants a divorce from you, you need to detach from him as quickly as possible - not bond with him further by having sex together.

As painful as all this must be to you, it's nothing compared to what it will be like if you allow yourself to become his plaything, and I'd divorce him immediately.


----------



## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Why does he have all the power here? He's gonna tell you what his decision is when he makes up his mind? What?? Unless you did something horrible I wouldn't be letting that fly!


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Why should there no pressure on him? 

Write back: 

Dear (his name),

I don't need to test drive the goods. If you don't remember what it was like being with me, either I suck in bed or you need to get checked for Alzheimer's.

Thank you for the good times. In the future don't forget to never stop dating your next wife.

Good luck,

Your name
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pepsi1967 (Aug 15, 2013)

the next time he comes around say, lets talk. Don't give him any sex and see how much attention and time he gives YOU. if he responds with, "if you don't give it to me It will cause problems" or "we are still married, you want me to get it elsewhere"....if you hear these words it's a wrap. Stand proud, tell him it's over and move forward.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

I tried a similar tactic with my wife. I told her that I loved her and wanted to stay married to her and have sex with her. But, I also want to have threesomes with college or NFL cheerleaders. Unfortunately, she told me that, if I want to be married to her, I couldn't have sex with cheerleaders. And that's the only reason I'm not having threesomes with cheerleaders ... seriously.

I would simply tell your husband that the benefits of marriage come at the price of the responsibilities. If he wants something for nothing, he needs to keep looking.

Good luck.


----------



## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

He want's you to be his booty call now.


----------



## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

No way, buster. He is definitely using you if he expects you to do that. He knows you love him, and he is taking advantage of you because that.  You need to respect yourself and love yourself, too.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Bumping up, You should have listen to all this advice.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

TiggyBlue said:


> He want's you to be his booty call now.


Oh and this is far from the "last" time.

When he can't get it up or gets horny he's got you on speed dial.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

He want a convenient bit of fun while divorcing you. He is too lazy to go out and find sex or use his hand. You are at hand and if you want to be a substitute for his masturbation then go for it. Don't make the mistake of thinking that wanting sex with you means he loves you. He made it clear he does not. 

If you are hoping that having sex with him will rekindle his love forget it. When a man decides that he does not love you then sex is just sex. He may lead you on with hints that he may love you but don't buy it. Tell him to take a hike, are not a fool nor a set of warm holes. 

Woman up and protect your heart. Get to know about how men work. Sex does not make most men fall in love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Max pays tax (Jul 19, 2015)

Plz don't go, he's using you as back up in case his fling ,flings him, you should find out where she lives
Get a plan together with her where both of you dump his ass. That's just disgusting I'd never treat my wife like that
That's just not on.


----------

