# Wife is cheating online



## DavidR1968 (Jun 24, 2020)

I’m new here and need some input. I have had ED for about 13 years. I’m married as well and in the past month I found out my wife is cheating on me with someone she met online in a Facebook group. They have video sex. She says it isn’t cheating because no one is touching her. Although I can still orgasm it never really comes to full mast. She refuses to stop video sexing this guy. Any advice? I want to seek a therapist because this is really depressing for me and I have become suicidal.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

DavidR1968 said:


> I’m new here and need some input. I have had ED for about 13 years. I’m married as well and in the past month I found out my wife is cheating on me with someone she met online in a Facebook group. They have video sex. She says it isn’t cheating because no one is touching her. Although I can still orgasm it never really comes to full mast. She refuses to stop video sexing this guy. Any advice? I want to seek a therapist because this is really depressing for me and I have become suicidal.


It is cheating as long as you feel it is cheating. She is giving sexual pleasure to another and giving a sexual show by revealing her intimate, sexual parts of herself to another man. 
Unless you are 100% ok with it and give your consent then it is cheating. Don't even go there with her to debate it. It is cheating. 
Tell her it is cheating, you consider it so, and she has to forever, 100% break all contact with this and/or other online men. 

If she refuses then you must divorce her and walk away from this person.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

First off, you absolutely should find a therapist. That would apply whether you were feeling suicidal or not, but it is especially true when suicidal thoughts enter the picture. 

If you are feeling suicidal and need to talk to someone sooner, there are several suicide hotlines available via phone, live chat, or text. Some of them are state-specific and some are country-wide. They can be great resources and can help point you in the right direction for further help. 

Do you have any close friends or family that you could talk to? If so, reach out to them and let them know what's going on. People will want to help you if you allow them too and you shouldn't be ashamed about what's going on. You did not cause this, your wife did. 

As an aside, here is a list of apps that are free and may help you. That site also has good support if you happen to be in NYC or up to Westchester. 
COVID-19 Digital Mental Health Resources – NYC Well

Second, whether your wife thinks so or not she IS cheating. Sometimes people can disagree on if something is cheating or not (ie, porn) but this is a no-brainer. Your wife is cheating and honestly, I think she knows that to but doesn't want to admit it right now. She wants her cake and to eat it too. Do not accept this. 

She does not have to be giving herself physically to another man in order for it to be cheating. Emotional affairs happen all the time. What she's doing is somewhere in the middle of an EA (emotional affair) and PA (physical affair), IMO. If she refuses to stop then you will have to make a choice. Are you willing to accept this or not? If not, then SHE has given you no choice but to divorce. 

Have you asked her how she would feel if YOU were having video sex with women and porn stars? Chances are she'd be singing a different tune... 

Lastly, there are several options for ED, have you looked into and tried them? Your wife cheating is absolutely NOT your fault, regardless of whether you have ED or not. There are several other choices she could have made, none of which involve cheating on her husband. That being said, if you haven't talked to your doctor about the ED it may be something you want to do.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Hi Dave, if your username is any indication, you're 52-ish years old? You've had ED since you were 40-ish.

What's the cause of the ED?

(btw, yes, it's cheating)


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

I'm going to say that this is a grey area as to whether it's cheating.

Is getting off to live porn cheating?
That might depend on your view of porn.
Many sexually frustrated husbands use porn, occasionally that could include cam girls etc.

Is your wife sexually frustrated? 
You say that you have had ED for 13 years, are your wife's sexual needs being met?

What are your ages?
My husband has some problems (early 50s) and I hit a pre menopause stage where my libido went through the roof. 
Playing online for me was a compromise we made.

But in your situation this wasn't agreed upon, and I get the impression that you probably wouldn't agree to it had your wife asked beforehand.
Therefore for you it would be cheating.

Does your wife have any love for the other person? It appears to be more sexual than emotional.
Do you think they might meet up in person, does he live close enough for that to be a possibility?

The fact that she refuses to stop sexting even though she can see your distress, is the most concerning aspect to me. That means that there are bigger problems in your marriage. Your wife has lost feelings or respect for you somewhere, somehow. Or feels a lot of resentment towards you sexually.

You really should seek professional help for your depression and suicidal feelings. This has come as an unexpected shock to you, and turned the view of your marriage upside down.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Yes, your wife is cheating on you.
Yes, if you were doing to her what she was doing to you, she would say that you were cheating.
She does not hold you in high regard or respect you, therefore she does what she wants to.
WTD? The first step is for you to get your s**t together.
Get some counseling for your depression and suicidal thoughts. Work hard at tackling those two items.
Find a shark attorney. See what divorce would look like for you. Get your ducks lined up and have everything staged, but do not pull the trigger just yet.
Join a gym. Get a new hairstyle and new clothes. Take pride in yourself and work on being a better person. Self help should be your focus. Let your conniving other see the changes.
Next step is to find a specialist to deal with your ED. There are many options to deal with this, once you find the right specialist. Get everything sorted for your "New " life.
Spend more time on you and your friends. Diversify your friend group with new interests. Your conniving other will probably notice this. Make sure she experiences the distance.
As a special treat for your conniving other, study up and implement the 180. Make sure you are civil but cold.
This will enable you to see what you have. She will notice, and respond favorably to your changes and modify her behavior, or you will know that she is not into you (and never will be.)
If she isn't into you, pull the trigger on D, and go find a woman who truly wants to be with you.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

DavidR1968 said:


> I’m new here and need some input. I have had ED for about 13 years. I’m married as well and in the past month I found out my wife is cheating on me with someone she met online in a Facebook group. They have video sex. She says it isn’t cheating because no one is touching her. Although I can still orgasm it never really comes to full mast. She refuses to stop video sexing this guy. Any advice? I want to seek a therapist because this is really depressing for me and I have become suicidal.


I'm going to go out on a limb here and point out the fact that when your wife has sex with someone via video that she obviously does NOT require the physical presence of an erection.

Perhaps she is searching for a way to better connect with you by using another man to explore her own sexuality without penetration.

Is that wrong? Yes. But there may be something positive about this if you can find a silver lining to all this nonsense. 

Definitely find a therapist. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

You need to make yourself the #1 priority right now. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself mentally healthy. 

Your wife is a terrible person and you don’t deserve that treatment. I’m sorry.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Your wife is a terrible person and you don’t deserve that treatment.


Amen, and amen.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Bible says to lust after someone tou have already committed adultry in your heart. Have you had a hormone level check. I was diagnosed with Low T at 37 and started injections. I was having some of same issues you started. Get blood work for hormone levels. Men do best when testosterone is between 1000-1100.

If she is not cheating then she has no problem you talking about this to guy wife or GF and her mom and dad?

She is committing adultry by fantasizing about screwing this guy. I would get self fixed and next her. 

And find out who this guy is and blow up his world....dont tell her you are either. I am one who would video her and show her mom and dad what daughter is doing and why you are filing for divorce. Wake her up if you would even want her.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Think this should be in CWI section.

I bet wife will not stop even if you grt your soft erection fixed.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Is it cheating? Well I bet if you were having virtual sex with a woman on FB, your wife would lose her s**t. Yes, it is 100% cheating. And trust me, eventually the sex will go from virtual to in person. Only a matter of time. Your ED issues don't give her the go ahead to step out of the marriage. The first thing you need to do is have a convo with your wife and tell her she must stop immediately. If she calls your bluff, then you should considering separating. Have you seen a doc for your ED? There are so many drugs now that can help. You may have to try a few different ones before you find the one that works. Make an appt with your doc and go see him asap. Good luck, brother.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Dadto2 said:


> Is it cheating? Well I bet if you were having virtual sex with a woman on FB, your wife would lose her s**t. Yes, it is 100% cheating. And trust me, eventually the sex will go from virtual to in person. Only a matter of time. Your ED issues don't give her the go ahead to step out of the marriage. The first thing you need to do is have a convo with your wife and tell her she must stop immediately. If she calls your bluff, then you should considering separating. Have you seen a doc for your ED? There are so many drugs now that can help. You may have to try a few different ones before you find the one that works. Make an appt with your doc and go see him asap. Good luck, brother.


Yes but the ED thing has to be fixed, lets all be honest about that...


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Fix it for the next one and kick her cheating azz to the street


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

This is absolutely cheating and not the same as porn. She met and ACTUAL person through Facebook and have a sexual online relationship. She not only disrespects you, but disrespects your marriage. What an awful woman. How in the hell can she justify exposing herself and pleasuring herself to another man?? I am in shock. As if struggling with ED isn't already a gut punch.

I understand needing more intimacy from your husband (my husband struggles with low testosterone), but what she is doing is not acceptable. Add a vibrator to the sex arsenal and work on other ways to get busy. Just because your sex life isn't the best in the world doesn't make it acceptable to so find intimacy elsewhere.


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## DavidR1968 (Jun 24, 2020)

moulinyx said:


> This is absolutely cheating and not the same as porn. She met and ACTUAL person through Facebook and have a sexual online relationship. She not only disrespects you, but disrespects your marriage. What an awful woman. How in the hell can she justify exposing herself and pleasuring herself to another man?? I am in shock. As if struggling with ED isn't already a gut punch.
> 
> I understand needing more intimacy from your husband (my husband struggles with low testosterone), but what she is doing is not acceptable. Add a vibrator to the sex arsenal and work on other ways to get busy. Just because your sex life isn't the best in the world doesn't make it acceptable to so find intimacy elsewhere.


Thank you! We are trying to work things out but there are good and bad days. When this first started, I mentioned getting a toy to get things going. We agreed to pick out three different items and then if we matched something, we’d get it. The things she picked out all had Bluetooth tech. I immediately said, “Is that so your online friend can use it?” She told
me she wasn’t even thinking of that and I replied with she was only lying to herself. She has since admitted that’s exactly what she had planned. For whatever reason, the person she was fooling around with, ended it. Don’t know why, don’t care. Thank you again. Oh, I have been taking Cialis but it’s only making a slight difference. 
Has your husband started using testosterone treatment?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

DavidR1968 said:


> For whatever reason, the person she was fooling around with, ended it. Don’t know why, don’t care.


Actually, you should care. How do you know your wife is telling the truth? Is your wife remorseful? Did the affair only stop because the AP stopped it? If so, will she start it up again as soon as his wife is off his ass? Or when someone else comes along? 

I get the feeling she has done absolutely nothing to right her wrongs. There is no point trying to work things out if you're not going to do it properly. Unless you just want to extend the pain for a while longer...


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

I'm with @bobert on this one. Your wife has to fix HER problem. She has not stopped her adultery, only she got her source cut off. Without doing the work, finding the problem, and repenting of her evil, she will do it again. And again. Remember that she refused to stop.



DavidR1968 said:


> I have been taking Cialis but it’s only making a slight difference.


It's likely that the arteries which provide the blood for penile engorgement are narrowed by plaque. These arteries are susceptible to clogging because they are small. One could hope that your doc will send you for a complete workup. If those are clogged, then it's likely that other of your body organs are getting restricted blood flow as well. 

A combination of lifestyle changes and medication can slow down the progression of atherosclerosis. You may also need intervention.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

There are several effective medical treatments for chronic Erectile Dysfunction.
Viagra and/or Cialis are the easiest and the worst of the bunch. Headaches and hypertension much?
I bet you're a good candidate for the injection.
Get an appointment with a reputable Men's Sexual therapy centre and have them tell you about it.
Mr Johnson will once again be able to stand for God Save The Queen.


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