# Constant nagging killing desire



## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

My husband has an extremely high sex drive. We are married, 40s, 3 kids. He has a demanding job. I am overwhelmed at the moment with full time grad school. 

I've posted here before...basically Dh considers anything below 2 orgasms (for himself) per encounter to be substandard. Preferably one or two bjs, performed by me. I have been extremely stressed and somewhat depressed, and my sex drive is not very high right now, but we average about 3 encounters a week. If we go more than a couple days without, Dh sulks and nags and tells me I'm not doing enough for him sexually. The constant pressure is a huge turnoff. I try to get into the mood as often as I can, but I don't have time or desire for 1.5 hour sex every day.

I'm not sure if this is a low-desire/high desire issue, but it's somewhat similar. In that dynamic, how do you live with the imbalance? How do you meet halfway? How do do end the cycle of nagging and anger and move forward?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

PenguinCat said:


> In that dynamic, how do you live with the imbalance? How do you meet halfway? How do do end the cycle of nagging and anger and move forward?


Find a way to be playful about it! Mess with his head and tell him you enjoy him not getting enough and leaving him wanting more, and that is the primary thing that gets you really aroused.

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

he needs to grow up and learn how to better take matters into his own hand (so to speak).

and oh, he also needs to learn or re-learn how to treat, entice, and woo his wife.
marriage should not stop the dating process.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Seems to me that he's a little self centered. .... his sex life is all about him. 

Is he watching a lot of porn? 

Have you so spoken about this when he's not nagging?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

He has to learn this himself. It only took me 20 years.
The constant pressure I put on my wife did exactly the same thing it does to you.
I sat down one day, about 4 years ago and really gave it my best effort. My goal was to get my wife more into sex. The cure was many things including backing off and not putting so much pressure on my wife. This is counter intuitive, especially for men. 

Men think to get more you must push more, more, and more.

The truth is exactly the opposite. To get more, you need to give more space at the appropriate times. "Power is nothing without control." A man must learn to control himself. That's probably more attractive than anything, to a woman.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

When I saw the title I assumed it was a husband complaining about his wife. Your husband is way too demanding and he needs to be more grateful for the sex he is getting. Nagging, whining and criticizing you because he isn't sexually satisfied is such a turn off that I can't imagine wanting to have sex with him so I give you props for having sex 3 times a week. He isn't going to let up because you have spoiled him so now he expects it and when it doesn't happen he acts like a child. 

Marriage is a compromise and if your sex sessions are too much and too long for you then cut back do what you are comfortable doing. You have enough pressure and stress in your life. When he starts nagging and sulking I would ignore him. One orgasm and one BJ should be plenty for him and if not then he needs to take care of himself.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

@UMP is right. Last night I told my wife "I want more sex". She said "That is not how you get it." And she is right. Then she started to tell me what she needed: cuddling, blah, blah, blah etc and like a typical guy on TAM posting about this issue I just tuned her out. I am going to listen better next time.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> @UMP is right. Last night I told my wife "I want more sex". She said "That is not how you get it." And she is right. Then she started to tell me what she needed: cuddling, blah, blah, blah etc and like a typical guy on TAM posting about this issue I just tuned her out. I am going to listen better next time.


Apparently back rubs do it for my wife. You can get your hand to work on autopilot while watching tv. Not so bad.
Oh, and the biggest of all "just be nice." That's the holy grail for her to want sex, "just be nice." Who da thunk it :surprise:


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

PenguinCat said:


> I have been extremely stressed and somewhat depressed, and my sex drive is not very high right now, but *we average about 3 encounters a week. If we go more than a couple days without, Dh sulks and nags and tells me I'm not doing enough* for him sexually. The constant pressure is a huge turnoff. I try to get into the mood as often as I can, but I don't have time or desire for 1.5 hour sex every day.


In addition to your husband being too demanding the bolded part seems to be at odds. If you average 3 encounters a week, that implies every couple days? Yet, he "nags" when you go more than a couple days. 

So, which is it? If he didn't nag you would it be 3 times a week or would it be 1, or none. If you two could agree on some count per week maybe he could totally back off the constant pursuit mode, but you would have to follow through. And, he's gotta back off the hour and a half marathon


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> @*UMP* is right. Last night I told my wife "I want more sex". She said "That is not how you get it." And she is right. Then she started to tell me what she needed: cuddling, blah, blah, blah etc and like a typical guy on TAM posting about this issue I just tuned her out. I am going to listen better next time.


Curses, the mother lobe was uncovered but got buried under 'blah, blah, blah'.
What is the bet that 'don't tune out when I am talking to you' was in there. >


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

PenguinCat said:


> My husband has an extremely high sex drive. We are married, 40s, 3 kids. He has a demanding job. I am overwhelmed at the moment with full time grad school.
> 
> I've posted here before...basically Dh considers anything below 2 orgasms (for himself) per encounter to be substandard. Preferably one or two bjs, performed by me. I have been extremely stressed and somewhat depressed, and my sex drive is not very high right now, but we average about 3 encounters a week. If we go more than a couple days without, Dh sulks and nags and tells me I'm not doing enough for him sexually. The constant pressure is a huge turnoff. I try to get into the mood as often as I can, but I don't have time or desire for 1.5 hour sex every day.
> 
> I'm not sure if this is a low-desire/high desire issue, but it's somewhat similar. In that dynamic, how do you live with the imbalance? How do you meet halfway? How do do end the cycle of nagging and anger and move forward?


He must have two O's per each sex encounter? Hmmm. I wonder why he is placing so much pressure on you both.  I don't think you're being unreasonable, sounds like you are trying to accommodate but he needs to compromise, too.


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