# No sex AFTER marriage



## Anon898989 (Mar 26, 2019)

So I married a religious woman, that grew up where sex 'before' marriage was sinful. We had sex every visit back in those days, but she never gave it that "enthusiasm". When I brought it up, she said it was hard to enjoy something sinful. So I understood that, from that psychological standpoint, and moved on. 

Now, we've been married for over a year, and I can count on both hands the number of times for sex. Most fell on some special occasion, and even then was initiated by me. Not once has it ever been from her perspective, or even had the slightest inclination of excitement. Can someone, literally, have zero interest in sex with their husband? I've tried bringing it up, and I can't even remotely approach it without her shutting down, and if pushed any further, will just get in the vehicle and leave.

I'm literally at a LOSS of what to do, what to say. I can't live a lifetime of no-sex, coming from relationships where things were daily. I know that sounds so selfish, and I don't expect daily, but at least some kind of frequency.

When I read any type of forum on this issue, it's just to divorce her.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You posted way back in March concerning this issue. There probably isn't any advice that can be offered now that wasn't offered then,

She doesn't want to discuss the issue. Period. I mean, for someone to actually get in a car and drive away rather than have a discussion? That says it all for me.

As to whether or not someone can have zero interest in having sex with their partner, I think you are living with the answer to that one. 

It sounds like you stay and suck it up or leave and find a woman who enjoys having sex with you.

Sorry.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Divorce is your last step, but it might need to be one you will have to take. But before that there are plenty of options and steps.

First see what you can do to find out if it's medical. There is a condition where women find it painful to have PIV sex. She might have a diminished sex drive due to other issues. Or she might even be naturally asexual.

If you end up eliminating the physical, then it's on to the mental/emotional. Has she been sexually abused in the past? Have other religious teachings made her fear or dispise sex?

Seeking counciling together is needed. She also needs to know she is safe in confiding these things to you.

Other possible solutions can be open or poly relationships. Depending on which religion and how it is interpreted, it might be religiously permissable.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Your only good option is to divorce her ASAP and move on. Learn from this when looking for a new relationship.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Have you both sat down and talked about your needs and her needs? I will tell you right now if she is going to ration sex with you it will NEVER get any better, rethink this marriage.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Anon898989 said:


> I'm literally at a LOSS of what to do, what to say. I can't live a lifetime of no-sex, coming from relationships where things were daily. I know that sounds so selfish, and I don't expect daily, but at least some kind of frequency.
> 
> When I read any type of forum on this issue, it's just to divorce her.


It will never get any better than what you have right now during the "honeymoon period". 

The 2 of you are basically incompatible and there isn't a thing you can do about it. 

Time to divorce.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Anon898989 said:


> So I married a religious woman, that grew up where sex 'before' marriage was sinful. We had sex every visit back in those days, but she never gave it that "enthusiasm". When I brought it up, she said it was hard to enjoy something sinful. So I understood that, from that psychological standpoint, and moved on.
> 
> Now, we've been married for over a year, and I can count on both hands the number of times for sex. Most fell on some special occasion, and even then was initiated by me. Not once has it ever been from her perspective, or even had the slightest inclination of excitement. Can someone, literally, have zero interest in sex with their husband? I've tried bringing it up, and I can't even remotely approach it without her shutting down, and if pushed any further, will just get in the vehicle and leave.
> 
> ...


You married a twenty three year old who doesn’t like sex but you expected her to turn into a sex nymph (your own words) as soon as you married her. 
She doesn’t cook, she doesn’t clean the house and she doesn’t do laundry. 
Nine months ago you were advised by almost every poster to divorce her but you knew better. 
Are you prepared to act now or is this another hand wringing exercise?
Pack her bags and send her back to her mother. That’s where she wants to be anyway.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

There are no secret words or fairy pills that will change the situation. Just do what needs to be done and be finished.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

See if you can leverage a religious leader to give her a more healthy view of sex. But if you have not had sex I believe you are not truly married, and you should get an annulment if she doesn't change.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Can you please tell me what the good things are in your relationship? What do you love about her?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

sokillme said:


> See if you can leverage a religious leader to give her a more healthy view of sex. But if you have not had sex I believe you are not truly married, and you should get an annulment if she doesn't change.


He said they have had sex since they married.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*No loving wife or woman would do that to her husband/relationship partner!

Time for a Come to Jesus Meeting. If that fails to materialize or is unsuccessful, then I'd recommend an exploratory visit with a good family law firm!

No loving husband deserves this!*


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Solution is simple....leave her before you waste anymore time


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Did you guys go to counseling?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Did you marry her because of her religious beliefs?
Does your religion/hers says it's taboo?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Anon898989 said:


> So I married a religious woman, that grew up where sex 'before' marriage was sinful. We had sex every visit back in those days, but she never gave it that "enthusiasm". When I brought it up, she said it was hard to enjoy something sinful. So I understood that, from that psychological standpoint, and moved on.
> 
> Now, we've been married for over a year, and I can count on both hands the number of times for sex. Most fell on some special occasion, and even then was initiated by me. Not once has it ever been from her perspective, or even had the slightest inclination of excitement. Can someone, literally, have zero interest in sex with their husband? I've tried bringing it up, and I can't even remotely approach it without her shutting down, and if pushed any further, will just get in the vehicle and leave.
> 
> ...





Prodigal said:


> You posted way back in March concerning this issue. There probably isn't any advice that can be offered now that wasn't offered then,
> 
> She doesn't want to discuss the issue. Period. I mean, for someone to actually get in a car and drive away rather than have a discussion? That says it all for me.
> 
> ...


So, they formalised a sexual union, but she was not willing to see it through. He now thinks that is his responsibility rather than hers?


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *No loving wife or woman would do that to her husband/relationship partner!*


I think many men fail to realize the harm a lifetime of brainwashing and indoctrination can do to a woman.

Not to mention she probably has no idea how her own sexuality works, probably doesn't know how to receive pleasure etc.

By and large men are not raised to be disgusted by their sexuality. Men by in large understand how to pleasure their penises etc.

Men have historically used the control of sex to control women - especially through religion- it's hard to over estimate how incredibly damaging this can be to a woman's psyche and physical response. 

In short, without reading the other thread, it sounds like this woman has had to sexuality extremely damaged by her religious upbringing.

"Just do it because you love him" doesn't always work when a young woman has been so damaged.

Women who has a healthy outlook on sexuality, women who understand how their body works and how to receive pleasure ENJOY AND WANT SEX.

This isn't about not loving her husband, any more than a man not want to to receiving a dry pegging even if the woman he loved was into that. 

It's a story about a woman who has been damaged by lies and control.

Can she over come the brain washing and turn into a sex vixen? Highly doubtful.

Should a man expect that marriage change someone who has been brainwashed? No he shouldn't.

I am sorry she has been damaged this way, and I am sorry that the OP was too naive to understand the depth of an issue like this.

I agree that they sound incompatible. Perhaps with counseling the wife can overcome what she has been taught, but she has to want that for herself, not because her husband is demanding it.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I find it so annoying and objectionable that your problems with sexuality are blamed on religion.... what a ridiculous notion.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Or she just doesn't want or like sex. Religious teaching about waiting until marriage isn't the same as saying sex is bad. I think it's likely that the woman in question used that as an excuse to avoid sex rather than being serious about it. Or her guilt over premarital sex has her bound up and she needs to talk to a pastor to resolve the problem.



I shouldnthave said:


> I think many men fail to realize the harm a lifetime of brainwashing and indoctrination can do to a woman.
> 
> Not to mention she probably has no idea how her own sexuality works, probably doesn't know how to receive pleasure etc.
> 
> ...


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

CatholicDad said:


> I find it so annoying and objectionable that your problems with sexuality are blamed on religion.... what a ridiculous notion.


No more annoying than we find the damage religion frequently does to one's sexuality. 

How many altar boys are into pegging as adults, I wonder.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Sadly, I doubt the OP will return unless it is to lament the same situation in a few months. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The thing is, people like OP live with the hope that someone/anyone will have some magic panacea to solve their problem(s). Until he is willing to face head-on that his wife isn't interested in sex, he will remain stuck. 

In this case, it appears there is no other option than to divorce. But, until OP is willing or able to accept this reality, he'll remain in marriage hell.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Mr The Other said:


> He now thinks that is his responsibility rather than hers?


Apparently it is; his responsibility, I mean. He's posting. He's trying to discuss it with her. She drives away in the car to avoid it.

It's in his lap. Should it be? Nope. Not by a long shot. But she's not the one complaining about the situation on this forum. He is.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Does she have any child sex abuse or rape in her history?

Anyhow, you two are not compatible. It doesn't make either one of you wrong, bad, unloving, etc. You just are not compatible. I agree with others that you should cut your losses sooner rather than later.

Be sure she doesn't get pregnant!!!

Trust your gut. She has a very different template in her mind of what a marriage is than you do. It is time to move on.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> Did you guys go to counseling?


That's what I was going to ask. Or more specifically, premarital counselling?

Although, I suspect she would've lied there about her true feelings.

Quite a pickle.

Thor is right, no babies!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Any medical issues medication etc? Elimiate physical issues first. 

Is she able to physically enjoy sex?

Assuming neither of those is a problem, visit asexuality.org. There are a surprising number of men and women who have NO interest in sex and for whom that will NEVER change. In fact suggest that she look at that site. 

Set a timeline for fixing this or divorce. the longer you wait the harder it is. ("why are you divorcing me , I've always been like this")

DO NO HAVE CHILDREN. Really - that will commit you to this fro the rest of your life. Unfortunately there are asexual people who are willing to pretend enthusiastic sex long enough to get themselves or their partners pregnant - then it ends forever. 








Anon898989 said:


> So I married a religious woman, that grew up where sex 'before' marriage was sinful. We had sex every visit back in those days, but she never gave it that "enthusiasm". When I brought it up, she said it was hard to enjoy something sinful. So I understood that, from that psychological standpoint, and moved on.
> 
> Now, we've been married for over a year, and I can count on both hands the number of times for sex. Most fell on some special occasion, and even then was initiated by me. Not once has it ever been from her perspective, or even had the slightest inclination of excitement. Can someone, literally, have zero interest in sex with their husband? I've tried bringing it up, and I can't even remotely approach it without her shutting down, and if pushed any further, will just get in the vehicle and leave.
> 
> ...


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Anon898989 said:


> So I married a religious woman, that grew up where sex 'before' marriage was sinful. We had sex every visit back in those days, but she never gave it that "enthusiasm". When I brought it up, she said it was hard to enjoy something sinful. So I understood that, from that psychological standpoint, and moved on.
> 
> Now, we've been married for over a year, and I can count on both hands the number of times for sex. Most fell on some special occasion, and even then was initiated by me. Not once has it ever been from her perspective, or even had the slightest inclination of excitement. Can someone, literally, have zero interest in sex with their husband? I've tried bringing it up, and I can't even remotely approach it without her shutting down, and if pushed any further, will just get in the vehicle and leave.
> 
> ...


So you married her knowing she didn't like sex and she was already making excuses about it, and now you're wondering why your sex life sucks?

This is pretty much on you in terms of accountability.

Your options:

1. divorce and find someone you're compatible with (and include sexual compatibility next time)
2. open your marriage up and sleep with other people (which I don't recommend and she probably wouldn't go for anyway)
3. live with it.

But you knew that already. There are no other options. She doesn't want what you want. So pick one and stick with it.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Cletus said:


> CatholicDad said:
> 
> 
> > I find it so annoying and objectionable that your problems with sexuality are blamed on religion.... what a ridiculous notion.
> ...


A billion times more sexual harm is done by non-believers than those who ^actually^ want to please God. 

You’re just pissy because your religious wife won’t sink to your level of debauchery.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

"Grabs popcorn"

This is getting good now!!!!!!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Anon898989 said:


> So I married a religious woman, that grew up where sex 'before' marriage was sinful. We had sex every visit back in those days, but she never gave it that "enthusiasm". When I brought it up, she said it was hard to enjoy something sinful. So I understood that, from that psychological standpoint, and moved on.
> 
> Now, we've been married for over a year, and I can count on both hands the number of times for sex. Most fell on some special occasion, and even then was initiated by me. Not once has it ever been from her perspective, or even had the slightest inclination of excitement. Can someone, literally, have zero interest in sex with their husband? I've tried bringing it up, and I can't even remotely approach it without her shutting down, and if pushed any further, will just get in the vehicle and leave.
> 
> ...


Have her read Song of Songs or Song of Solomon as some call it.

Women love sex. Your wife is brain washed.

You could give it a go for a while but unless she radically changes her wrong beliefs about sex, nothing will change.

You really might want to consider getting out.

I'm a very committed Christian and so is Mrs. Conan. We have been having sex, and lots of it, for over 28 years.

Your wife is dead wrong in her attitude but you don't have to put up with it if she won't get freaky with her husband.

You barely have any time invested. At least talk to a lawyer and get your legal ducks in a row to see where you stand.

Having a relationship with God is great. He invented sex and heartily approves of husbands laying their wives with regularity and vice versa.

Religion is bull ****.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CatholicDad said:


> I find it so annoying and objectionable that your problems with sexuality are blamed on religion.... what a ridiculous notion.


I'm ordained and I agree that religion has seriously harmed sexuality.

God loves sex but ignorant buttheads that are religious have taught blasphemous crap concerning sex for a very long time.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Anon898989 said:
> 
> 
> > So I married a religious woman, that grew up where sex 'before' marriage was sinful. We had sex every visit back in those days, but she never gave it that "enthusiasm". When I brought it up, she said it was hard to enjoy something sinful. So I understood that, from that psychological standpoint, and moved on.
> ...


I'm not religious myself but have friends that cover the whole range of religions and beliefs. None of them have near the issues the OP's wife does. Are we correct in blaming it all on religion? Dont get me wrong, I know that of denominations have backwards views on sex but seems to me that this problem may go deeper then just a religious brainwashing. In my experience, the ones raised in very religious households are the ones who have their freak flag flying the highest


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> You married a twenty three year old who doesn’t like sex but you expected her to turn into a sex nymph (your own words) as soon as you married her.
> She doesn’t cook, she doesn’t clean the house and she doesn’t do laundry.
> Nine months ago you were advised by almost every poster to divorce her but you knew better.
> Are you prepared to act now or is this another hand wringing exercise?
> Pack her bags and send her back to her mother. That’s where she wants to be anyway.


WOW! Mrs. C does it all and freaks in the bedroom as well.

I don't think this guy got a very good deal here.

Maybe he is a masochist?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> I'm not religious myself but have friends that cover the whole range of religions and beliefs. None of them have near the issues the OP's wife does. Are we correct in blaming it all on religion? Dont get me wrong, I know that of denominations have backwards views on sex but seems to me that this problem may go deeper then just a religious brainwashing. In my experience, the ones raised in very religious households are the ones who have their freak flag flying the highest


I'm ordained and spent years in ministry.

Religion, not God, has killed more bedrooms than I can count.

Some folks do ok anyway but many are really screwed in the head from childhood.

OP's wife might just be to immature and overall ignorant to be married in the first place and that probably has a lot to do with her upbringing.

Regardless, he should pack it up and marry a monogamous nymph.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Buy her vibrator and tell her to explore with it for a week and to let you know if it unlocks any interest.

Don't take no for an answer and don't participate.

Until AFTER that week.

You are not responsible for her sexual response. She is.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

These women’s stories may help. 
Many of them already fought through it. 

https://christiannymphos.org/


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Read your other post. 

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/gener...517-recently-married-concerns-im-husband.html

Sounds like a repeat of my ex. 
I spent 15 years of my life in that hell. When I left her 6 months into the marriage I wish I had been smart enough not to go back. 
When we had kids it got worse. 
Also seems she is married to work.

If she is going to walk off like a 6 year old every time you try to have an adult conversation you are wasting your time and can either deal with it or leave. 

Another issue could be when you address the issue you are doing so in a whining way. Both men and women don’t like that. 

You may try a more dominant, demanding side of your personality.

Either way having to always exert such energy to get things done taxes the reserves long term.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

If you haven’t already done this, I would set aside a chunk of time with her and openly, honestly, and calmly share each other’s feelings about the marriage and the sex within it. 

She might be dealing with some physical issues that maybe making it painful or unenjoyable for her. If that’s the case, she needs to go see a doctor and get healthy again. If this isn’t the case, and it’s a mental block that she has, it might mean a visit to a psychologist for her and to a couple’s counsellor for you both.

The man that i married was a virgin before we started dating, and was initially excited about sex, but that excitement dwindled fast, and shortly after marriage, he cut off sex stating that it made him too stressed out to think about and do. Over our almost 4 year marriage, it got a tiny bit better before it got worse, and it was one of the things that eventually killed that marriage. So, this is something that you will want to nip in the bud as fast as you can because the longer it goes on, the less chance you have of improving things. 

Good luck to you!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

CatholicDad said:


> I find it so annoying and objectionable that your problems with sexuality are blamed on religion.... what a ridiculous notion.


It may be because many people with religious beliefs remain virgins until they’re married, and don’t have any intimate experience short of holding hands and the occasional kiss. Two of my devout friends have never dated anyone (one woman is 40; the other 42). They have no idea how to handle their own sexuality, so how can they expect to handle someone else’s and know what to do once they get into that situation?

I was there too; lost my virginity at 26, and was clueless. My parents weren’t necessarily religious (although my Mom is pretty devout), but they never supported sex before marriage. My sister moved in with her boyfriend years ago, and I remember my parents telling me that they “hoped I had more damn brains in my head” when it came to making these decisions than my sister. I was 13 and still remember that. I made a vow then to never, EVER put a toe out of line, and to remain a virgin until I married. That didn’t last, but when I got into my first sexual relationship, I had zero idea what sex was even all about (seriously, I thought you stuck it in, pulled it out and boom bang you were done; gee, imagine my surprise!) I didn’t know that BJs existed, didn’t know what an orgasm was, and had no idea how to even pleasure myself, let alone someone else. Tell me that doesn’t add stress or mess with a person’s psyche.

So, yeah, it’s completely understandable how being devoutly religious can bring along issues when it comes to sexuality.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Ursula said:


> So, yeah, it’s completely understandable how being devoutly religious can bring along issues when it comes to sexuality.


My mother was raised a devout Catholic (later in life described herself as a recovered Catholic), and he was taught that sex was something that one must endure to please their husband.

Sex wasn't for female pleasure. Sex wasn't something to be sought after nor desired beyond appeasement of her husband. 

She was not taught that sex could be pleasurable etc - rather it was something sinful, and terrible and should be avoided at all costs - that is until her husband requests it.

Her gynecologist talked to her privately asking if she had been raped - because she had a lot of tearing. No, it was consensual, she just didn't know it wasn't supposed to hurt that bad, or that you weren't supposed to keep bleeding after your wedding night, or that foreplay and arousal were important.

After all, sex was something you tolerated to please your husband, not something to be enjoyed.

And I have heard this "tolerate sex, but I don't enjoy it" line from religious young ladies I grew up with.

My mother raised me very differently than how she was raised. She emphasized that sex was not shameful and rather a source of pleasure. She kept a copy of The Joy of Sex on the book shelf so I could satisfy any curiosity I may have.

To say the least - my early sexual experiences were vastly different than what she endured. My husband and I have a very satisfying sex life as a result.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Anon898989 said:


> Can someone, literally, have zero interest in sex with their husband?


Yes. Like another poster said, religion has killed many a bedroom. God has never killed a single one where married people share it. In fact, sex is all God's idea......His invention....

And, I want to clue you in on something. Both "religious" people and those who truly know and worship God from their hearts can have sexual hangups. One biggie is "carrying the torch" for
someone else from their past. Many of them would never admit it, but they have allowed their heart and mind to be focused on someone other than their husband. Therefore, they aren't attracted to their husband.

Many of them marry a "plan B" in the sexual department, because the man is "marriage material" and the man (or men) they desire sexually are "bad boys" - exciting to be with, but poor providers and fathers....


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Boy oh boy, @I shouldnthave, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom's terrible past, but am glad that she raised you differently than she was raised.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

In most religions, sex is actually encouraged. Sex before marriage is not allowed but after marriage you are supposed to go from 0 to 60 in a few seconds and stay at high speed till death does you part. 
If it is that 
1 she does not like sex with her husband
2 She does not like to discuss it at all with her husband

Then there is nothing left to do but ask for annulment of the marriage because technically there is no marriage other than on paper. 

Personally, if my husband withdraw that part of our marriage, I would find it extremely difficult if he was not ill in any way, and worse if he refused to discuss it.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Don’t mean to thread jack but there is nothing in the Bible or Catechism of the Catholic Church that says you can’t enjoy sex with your spouse. If anything it requires you to be charitable and giving of yourself and this would apply equally to sex.

The example above of the devout Catholic that only had sex to “please her husband” is so sad. She probably ruined her marriage as a result of this false belief. Hubby would have enjoyed sex a billion times more if she were into it too (common theme on TAM). I’d say the whole sex shaming stuff is from the devil who undoubtedly loves to destroy marriage. 

There’s probably a special place in hell for people that ignore their spouses’ need for affection and intimacy. It’s right next to the place reserved for porn addicted men.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

OP has left the building. He may return when he's losing his mind, or he may stay with his worthless wife.

He initially posted she didn't cook, clean, do laundry, or want sex.

I sincerely hope the OP figures out what is wrong with himself, because she sounds like a totally lost cause …


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## Lake life (Nov 18, 2019)

Sounds like this couple needs serious therapy.
Some of the problem could be the husband?
His approach, tone, technique etc. 

The second woman I dated after my divorce said she didn’t think she liked sex until she met me. 
Some people are just not compatible.


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## JustWavingNotDrowning (Jun 2, 2018)

OP, if your wife regards sex as being sinful, how does she reconcile the fact that it is her husband who is asking her to commit the sin? Surely her opinion of you must be altered in some way? I would also point out that a successful marriage is built on trust. A lot of that comes from the physical intimacy a couple develops. You seem to be so out of sync with each other I cant see how you can create this.

I do hope you manage to resolve your issues.


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## Rlc307 (Jan 14, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> OP has left the building. He may return when he's losing his mind, or he may stay with his worthless wife.
> 
> He initially posted she didn't cook, clean, do laundry, or want sex.
> 
> I sincerely hope the OP figures out what is wrong with himself, because she sounds like a totally lost cause …


Reading through this forum was annoying to be honest. I'm a lurker but it just annoys me when people come on here looking for magic advice over the same topic again and again like this guy, and they don't even have the decency to answer questions when people are trying to help out.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Rlc307 said:


> Reading through this forum was annoying to be honest. I'm a lurker but it just annoys me when people come on here looking for magic advice over the same topic again and again like this guy, and they don't even have the decency to answer questions when people are trying to help out.


Don’t let that keep you down. I’d say less than 10% stick around. Less than 1% do anything about their problems. Real change is hard, if not impossible, for most people.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Cletus said:


> No more annoying than we find the damage religion frequently does to one's sexuality.
> 
> How many altar boys are into pegging as adults, I wonder.


Religion did not damage those boys, perverted men using the guise of religion to gain trust and hide their nasty proclivities damaged their victim's sexuality.

However that contradicts the notion that all homesexuals are "born that way." The cause>effect theory makes more sense.

Your wife is no longer dealing with the religion issue, since she is married, and sex in marriage is a good thing, I'm assuming you are talking about Christianity...I could be wrong though.

She just doesn't like sex. I was raised in a religion that taught sex before marriage was bad. I had lots of sexual feelings, and was relieved when I could unleash them without any guilt after I got marriage. I was finally free to do what my body wanted to do.

There is something else going on in your wife's mind. Did she say that sex inside of marriage is bad or is that your idea? Does she have body image issues? Does she find your body enticing? Has she ever had an orgasm whether on her own or with you? She may just have no sexual feelings, or not know how to let them out.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Adelais said:


> Religion did not damage those boys, perverted men using the guise of religion to gain trust and hide their nasty proclivities damaged their victim's sexuality.


Religion provided the conditions which attracted offenders, allowed them access to minors, gave them a recognized power structure from which to act, and attempted to cover up the result. It may not be your religion, and it may not have had the imprimatur of an accepted practice within it, but the very nature of the system made it possible. There's a reason that there is no equivalent secular scandal of remotely similar proportion.



> However that contradicts the notion that all homesexuals are "born that way." The cause>effect theory makes more sense.


It does no such thing. Straight men went into the clergy and came out pedophiles? That's getting the cause-effect precisely backwards.

[redacted]


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Cletus said:


> I was not referring to my wife, but if I was, why would one presume that the negative implications of sex drilled into someone from birth to maturity simply melt away when the wedding ring goes on?
> 
> That is not correct. She very much likes sex - her way.
> 
> ...


 @Cletus, I was not talking about your wife, I was talking about OP's wife. I thought it was clear, since I started a new paragraph to address OP. I should have begun the paragraph with @OP to avoid confusion. My bad.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Wonder if OP's wife might have had an, or perhaps more than one, "regretted" sexual experience prior to OP? And sex became tainted for her in a way she cannot get rid of, because she associates it with her past? Not that I have any experience whatsoever in this scenario. Nope. None. At. All.


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## Anon898989 (Mar 26, 2019)

Prodigal said:


> OP has left the building. He may return when he's losing his mind, or he may stay with his worthless wife.
> 
> He initially posted she didn't cook, clean, do laundry, or want sex.
> 
> I sincerely hope the OP figures out what is wrong with himself, because she sounds like a totally lost cause …


No I haven't left the building! And didn't mean to upset the "lurker" or anyone asking questions and providing feedback. It's a very real, daily, struggle. I realize the easy answer is divorce, but relationships are more complex than that. 

A person can still be unhappy in an aspect, and yet fully love his wife. She's emotionally very caring, hard working, great career, in college, etc. As for the "worthless wife" aspect, keep in mind she has, at best, a few hours in the evenings. I think that's unfair to get dinner going, clean up, and get right to my sexual pleasure after a long day. That said, on weekends when we're off, there's a lot more time. 

The issue being we live in a realistic world, and based on surveys...the average is 2 to 3 times a month. So for all you Casanova's doing it daily, there's people doing it that much less than the average. Like me. 

I've also dated women where we did it once a day, minimum. I think about what's different, and they weren't working (just school). I've also always just done the cleaning, or we'd go out for dinner with women (or order in). 

Yes I agree, no children until this is all sorted.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Anon898989 said:


> I realize the easy answer is divorce, but relationships are more complex than that.


Nobody is claiming divorce is "easy." It is not. Yes, relationships, and the people in them, are complex. But being sexually shut out by one's partner is just that. A sexless marriage. You started out here a year ago lamenting this situation. Assuming you still aren't having sex, it sounds like you are now ready to rationalize living as roommates with your wife. 



Anon898989 said:


> As for the "worthless wife" aspect, keep in mind she has, at best, a few hours in the evenings. I think that's unfair to get dinner going, clean up, and get right to my sexual pleasure after a long day. That said, on weekends when we're off, there's a lot more time.


Okay. So are you having sex on the weekends when there's more time? And I call b.s. on your hardworking wife. I worked full-time, earned a college degree online, shopped, cooked, cleaned, and managed to make sure my husband and I had sex. It's all about priorities. Sex isn't a priority to her.



Anon898989 said:


> Yes I agree, no children until this is all sorted.


I'm wondering how you plan to get this "all sorted" if she drives off in a car rather than discuss the elephant sitting in the room.

Denial. It's a powerful thing.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

I don't know where you got your stats... 3 to 4 times a month is horrible...

But at your age, I was having sex with my ex wife 4 to 6 times a week not a month. 

Sometime way more than that. And I know lots of people that did the same. I don't think that I, esp at that age, was all that unusual, maybe now I am, but not then.

So you must have been looking at the "NO SEX CLUB" website for your stats.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

From my experience, in my late 20's I was pregnant, going to college, working full time, cleaning and cooking and I still managed to have sex more than 2-3 times a month. 

Right now is the time when you and your wife should be having more sex. Right now is the "me" time because after kids, your "me" time will be gone. If your average now is less than 2-3 times a month, then your average might change to 0 times a month after kids, specially during the first months or the first years of baby's lives. Are you ready for that?

I think every poster here lives in the real world. We have jobs, have kids, have chores and responsibilities. You are the one posting and expecting answers. Here are the answers, it's up to you to take the advice or not, but most of the posters have given you responses based on their own experiences or based on what they have seen happening to other couples.

I didn't marry a Casanova but as a newly wed at 23, I was having a lot more sex than you are.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

You do not want divorce, but you do want more sex. She is great in many ways. Our answers in December were excellent, but do not resonate with you. Problems have been ongoing since marriage and before.

Choices: 1. Your wife needs some help with her sex life--if this were cancer, you would get her help.
2. You need some help with lovemaking, performance, knowledge--sort of what you are seeking in a way.
3. For the winner: You both need relationship help, especially in communicating wants and needs. Do this--marriage therapy with therapist experienced in sexual matters. (not church based).

When we are 'sick' we need help, no matter the illness. Good luck.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Anon898989 said:


> No I haven't left the building! And didn't mean to upset the "lurker" or anyone asking questions and providing feedback. It's a very real, daily, struggle. I realize the easy answer is divorce, but relationships are more complex than that.
> 
> A person can still be unhappy in an aspect, and yet fully love his wife. She's emotionally very caring, hard working, great career, in college, etc. As for the "worthless wife" aspect, keep in mind she has, at best, a few hours in the evenings. I think that's unfair to get dinner going, clean up, and get right to my sexual pleasure after a long day. That said, on weekends when we're off, there's a lot more time.
> 
> ...


You know what else people can do? They can love someone and realize it is time to move on. 

The fact you are using surveys, they are not the same as statistical studies, shows your level of denial. You are now in the angry insult phase because you don’t like what you hear.

A realisitic world dictates you should be comfortable in a relationship or it starts affecting your life and well being.


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## BigbadBootyDaddy (Jun 18, 2018)

We all can agree on one thing, Do Not Get Her Pregnant. 

In my personal opinion, she either had a tough childhood (sexual abuse), or is not attracted to you. 

Not sure how we she can shut down the conversation? You say, “Honey, let’s discuss our intimacy issues”. If she doesn’t want to, just pass along a divorce attorney business card. 

What she’s doing to you can be perceived as abuse.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

My belief is that this situation as it stands is unworkable. Before throwing in the towel, which, I do recommend, I believe that one final confrontation wherein you state that you are ending the marriage due to the denial of conjugal rights. I have been in meetings where the final straw was cast. One case, the husband was dealing with ED, and was not admitting it. This is a shock and awe approach. Either she will work on changing, or she can spend the next few decades all alone. 

Sir, you may love her, but you will grow to resent her. Needs in marriage must be met. That must be made apparent. Do not let her manipulate by shutting down. In one meeting, we were talking finances, the wife's favorite tactic was to feign a shudder, and shut right down. Usually this would occur in their kitchen, this time it was in our boardroom. This time, it embarrassed the hell out of the husband. This time, he walked around to her side of the table, got in her face and said, this works when we are alone, but now you are an embarrassment. Sit the **** up and listen. She finally caught on, and gave out a weak, OK. Time for you OP to shake her up.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I have been where you are. And stayed. And it never got better. But I still stayed. Let me tell you where this ends 20+ years later.

You will hate yourself. You will believe you are worthless and weak because you did not have the guts to divorce. Your work performance will suffer. Your overall enjoyment of life will suffer. You love for your wife will wear away to nothing.

Unless and until you completely give up on sex. If you stay, stop having sex a few times a month. Just take sex off the table. Your wife will test you a few times to see if you will weaken. If you decline her advances and pass the test, she will visibly relax. She will cherish how devoted you are to her. And you may find her more willing to hug or cuddle, once she understands that hugging and cuddling will not lead to you trying to initiate sex.

Frankly, if I had it to do all over again, I would have left the day the wheels of the plane touched down at the end of our nearly sexless honeymoon. But if you are determined to stay with your wife, stop torturing yourselves. Take sex off the table, and see if she becomes happier. If she does, you will know that there was nothing you could do to motivate her to become more sexual.

Oh, and don't be fooled. You will still hate yourself for staying. But the marriage will be much more enjoyable once the elephant in the corner is dead and buried.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Holdingontoit said:


> I have been where you are. And stayed. And it never got better. But I still stayed. Let me tell you where this ends 20+ years later.
> 
> You will hate yourself. You will believe you are worthless and weak because you did not have the guts to divorce. Your work performance will suffer. Your overall enjoyment of life will suffer. You love for your wife will wear away to nothing.
> 
> ...


Note the bolded section. And ask this question, because I'm asking it of myself.

Why didn't we ("we" meaning people like you & I) deal with this way-back-when? We're intelligent people. We knew something was amiss. What exactly were we thinking that allowed us to put up with it for so long? Why didn't we recognize a problem and deal with it then? Why does it sometimes take decades, occasionally the better part of our lives, before we've "had enough" and seek therapy of some kind? 

Why don't we EVER read stories about people who "did it right" and are living a happy married life that differs so greatly from what ours have been? I guess because they have nothing to complain about so why would they be here?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> Note the bolded section. And ask this question, because I'm asking it of myself.
> 
> Why didn't we ("we" meaning people like you & I) deal with this way-back-when? We're intelligent people. We knew something was amiss. What exactly were we thinking that allowed us to put up with it for so long? Why didn't we recognize a problem and deal with it then? Why does it sometimes take decades, occasionally the better part of our lives, before we've "had enough" and seek therapy of some kind?
> 
> Why don't we EVER read stories about people who "did it right" and are living a happy married life that differs so greatly from what ours have been? I guess because they have nothing to complain about so why would they be here?


Because deep down, we dont think we can do any better.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> Note the bolded section. And ask this question, because I'm asking it of myself.
> 
> Why didn't we ("we" meaning people like you & I) deal with this way-back-when? We're intelligent people. We knew something was amiss. What exactly were we thinking that allowed us to put up with it for so long? Why didn't we recognize a problem and deal with it then? Why does it sometimes take decades, occasionally the better part of our lives, before we've "had enough" and seek therapy of some kind?
> 
> Why don't we EVER read stories about people who "did it right" and are living a happy married life that differs so greatly from what ours have been? I guess because they have nothing to complain about so why would they be here?





jorgegene said:


> Because deep down, we dont think we can do any better.


I don't think that's true. I don't think it's an inferiority issue. I think, at least in my case, it may have been a combination of delusional, fatalism and distraction. I do agree with the idea that it's a choice we made so to some extent you rationalize it's a situation of your own making.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Anon898989 said:


> I think that's unfair to get dinner going, clean up, and get right to my sexual pleasure after a long day. That said, on weekends when we're off, there's a lot more time.


I think most here will agree that giving sexual pleasure is also a critical priority - if it just to bust out some worm pus , we'd just go grab the handle and get it out. But as males we generally like females sexually, we like the touch and look and feel of most if them, and are wired to find great excitement in their sexual parts and sexual activity with them. It is why advertisers use it, and what powers the next generation of the human race. It's why we have girlfriends, fiances, and wives - instead of booze and bike buddies. Why do women have male husbands, if not for the sexy time?


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

jorgegene said:


> Because deep down, we dont think we can do any better.


Bingo! We have a winner!


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is the only life you will ever have. You can "suffer through" and then... you are dead. This is it.

The OP needs to figure out what his wife's problem is. Lesbian? Asexual? He's no good at sex, just thrusting in and out without giving her pleasure? Does she masturbate? Does she have a vibrator? Etc. If she won't talk, then counseling might help.

Just being a "religious person" doesn't mean that you would make a great spouse. There is so much more....


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## Anon898989 (Mar 26, 2019)

Taxman said:


> My belief is that this situation as it stands is unworkable. Before throwing in the towel, which, I do recommend, I believe that one final confrontation wherein you state that you are ending the marriage due to the denial of conjugal rights. I have been in meetings where the final straw was cast. One case, the husband was dealing with ED, and was not admitting it. This is a shock and awe approach. Either she will work on changing, or she can spend the next few decades all alone.
> 
> Sir, you may love her, but you will grow to resent her. Needs in marriage must be met. That must be made apparent. Do not let her manipulate by shutting down. In one meeting, we were talking finances, the wife's favorite tactic was to feign a shudder, and shut right down. Usually this would occur in their kitchen, this time it was in our boardroom. This time, it embarrassed the hell out of the husband. This time, he walked around to her side of the table, got in her face and said, this works when we are alone, but now you are an embarrassment. Sit the **** up and listen. She finally caught on, and gave out a weak, OK. Time for you OP to shake her up.


It's one of those things, before getting married, I promised myself I wouldn't throw in the towel. I suppose it would be easy if something dramatic happened, like her cheating. Then it's simplistic. I struggle with the ability to divorce over the "small" things. Yet, those small things basically make up life. My fear is that I divorce, go through all that stigma and hardship, financial loss, and end up on this forum. What if medication has eliminated her sex drive? Or energy? I just see articles everyday on here saying "things were great for the past 11 years...", with once again, the answers all being divorce.

I do feel manipulated many times. So many times when I bring up something, she feigns exhaustion, sickness, etc. I have a feeling it comes with her childhood, and her parents just said "OK, you go rest". She just came living from home, so I (quite literally) believe she has never had to clean, make dinner, etc. 

My next step is just to be more forceful. Perhaps I'm not expressing the seriousness of this situation. It honestly does feel like a roommate situation, at best. But even then, I wouldn't tolerate half the things from a roommate, like keeping things messy.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> Note the bolded section. And ask this question, because I'm asking it of myself.
> 
> Why didn't we ("we" meaning people like you & I) deal with this way-back-when? We're intelligent people. We knew something was amiss. What exactly were we thinking that allowed us to put up with it for so long? Why didn't we recognize a problem and deal with it then? Why does it sometimes take decades, occasionally the better part of our lives, before we've "had enough" and seek therapy of some kind?
> 
> Why don't we EVER read stories about people who "did it right" and are living a happy married life that differs so greatly from what ours have been? I guess because they have nothing to complain about so why would they be here?


Um...at the risk of sounding boasting, my marriage is nowhere near these types of stories. Granted my first marriage was and it took 10 years to wake up to the emotional abuse my then wife was doing to me and the kids. And it's not to say that the current poly marriage is problem free. We have such a problem my husband, emotionally withdrawing, as well as not being able to take trash and dishes away from his computer station, or clean up his miniatures painting are in the dining room. I feel like I am doing all the work in trying to organize and downsize the house. But overall it's way better than my first.

But in answer to the first part, I'd say, and it especially applies to first marriages, we lie to ourselves, not wanting to admit that we missed things during the NRE period, which sadly is when too many marriage occur nowadays. While somethings are easy to admit our errors on, relationships tend not to be one of those areas. Now, me, since I got out of that first marriage, have dated a lot, even after marrying the legal current wife. I've learned to spot when I am in a problem relationship, and I leave. But even then it takes me a while.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

jorgegene said:


> Because deep down, we dont think we can do any better.


I do see this a lot where abuse is occurring, but not as much where it isn't.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Anon898989 said:


> It's one of those things, before getting married, I promised myself I wouldn't throw in the towel. I suppose it would be easy if something dramatic happened, like her cheating. Then it's simplistic. I struggle with the ability to divorce over the "small" things. Yet, those small things basically make up life. My fear is that I divorce, go through all that stigma and hardship, financial loss, and end up on this forum. What if medication has eliminated her sex drive? Or energy? I just see articles everyday on here saying "things were great for the past 11 years...", with once again, the answers all being divorce.
> 
> I do feel manipulated many times. So many times when I bring up something, she feigns exhaustion, sickness, etc. I have a feeling it comes with her childhood, and her parents just said "OK, you go rest". She just came living from home, so I (quite literally) believe she has never had to clean, make dinner, etc.
> 
> My next step is just to be more forceful. Perhaps I'm not expressing the seriousness of this situation. It honestly does feel like a roommate situation, at best. But even then, I wouldn't tolerate half the things from a roommate, like keeping things messy.


You are joking right? This is a small thing. 

Tell you what, if want to, just clip those puppies off and hand them to your "wife". 

Why be in a sexless marriage? What is that about. 

Dude you could get divorced 10 time and still be living a better life than you are now. 

Wow, I just don't understand...


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Anon898989 said:


> I struggle with the ability to divorce over the "small" things. Yet, those small things basically make up life. My fear is that I divorce, go through all that stigma and hardship, financial loss, and end up on this forum.


Sex is an integral part of marriage. I hardly see it as a "small" issue. FYI: You already are on this forum. 



Anon898989 said:


> What if medication has eliminated her sex drive? Or energy? I just see articles everyday on here saying "things were great for the past 11 years...", with once again, the answers all being divorce.


If you don't want to deal with the "stigma" of divorce, then don't divorce her. The thing is, things have NOT been great for you "for the past 11 years." You've been in a sexless marriage from the get-go. Whether you decide to stay and suck it up or leave and suck it up is no skin off my nose. 



Anon898989 said:


> She just came living from home, so I (quite literally) believe she has never had to clean, make dinner, etc.


I don't know anyone who grew up in that type of environment. Where I come from, we call it giving kids "chores" to do in order to earn an allowance. 



Anon898989 said:


> My next step is just to be more forceful. Perhaps I'm not expressing the seriousness of this situation. It honestly does feel like a roommate situation, at best. But even then, I wouldn't tolerate half the things from a roommate, like keeping things messy.


After a year of getting some really good advice on TAM, you are now going to get more "forceful." But what exactly do you mean by "forceful"? Do you think she will even respond positively? Because from where I'm sitting, I think she'll just shut down … again.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Old yiddish expression: Tuches offen tisch. The clean translation is to put your cards on the table. Direct translation, ass on the table. The direct approach is called for.Sit her down, and tell her directly, sex or divorce. If she feigns any thing just say, I guess your answer is divorce. Walk away from her at that point and be prepared to back it up. At the very least you will get some idea what her agenda may be.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I think Anon is looking for someone - anyone - to give him the magic bullet to "cure" this situation. Sadly, there isn't one. 

Like I said before, denial is a powerful thing.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Taxman said:


> Old yiddish expression: Tuches offen tisch. The clean translation is to put your cards on the table. Direct translation, ass on the table. The direct approach is called for.Sit her down, and tell her directly, sex or divorce. If she feigns any thing just say, I guess your answer is divorce. Walk away from her at that point and be prepared to back it up. At the very least you will get some idea what her agenda may be.


I think coming across as saying that having sex will fix things is just kicking the can down the road. She might come up with scheduled sex and what you get is her tolerating or at best being willing, but without passion or desire. It doesn't take long for that to just feel wrong, because it is wrong. It's not addressing the problem many of us have.

The problem isn't "sex." The problem is that our significant other does not find value in doing something for their partner that, to the partner, is very special. Perhaps special because it's something only their partner can do for them.

I used to not want to have anything to do with cleaning up the kitchen. Or making the bed. Or making anything in the house look a bit nicer. Or put away clothes that my wife hasn't gotten to yet. But a year ago when all the stuff hit the fan (long story told elsewhere) something clicked in me. I looked for things she didn't really enjoy doing, and helped her with them. And because it did something for her, it gave me great pleasure. Cleaning the kitchen after dinner became something I actually looked forward to, because it was with her, and for her. I have no desire to do any of those things otherwise. But they are special because they are special to her.

The reverse doesn't happen. She cannot connect with feeling good about something that I've let her known would be special to me. She does "nice things" for me only if she can relate to them herself. And since she herself doesn't see sex as much more than a hassle or requirement that should be treated like any other nuisance, she avoids it and simply cannot connect sexually.

What is sex anyway? What makes it something you'd want to avoid if you truly loved someone? Let's say you're thinking that, since you get no pleasure in it, it's a selfish thing for the other person to expect it. OK, so if I'm giving my wife a backrub for 20 minutes, something she REALLY needs every other day or so, why do I do it? Do my fingers and hands and arms need the exercise? Does it turn me on? None of the above. I do it because I can spend those 20 minutes and make her feel better and special doing something that nobody else is going to do for her. 

What makes sex different? Lots of things. It's a merging of two people that one could see as intrusive, an unwanted invasion of their body. It's something that is uniquely yours.

Except that you're married and if sex is intrusive in that sort of way I really don't think the issue is sex. It's something much deeper than that. 

So again this is not as simple as saying sex is a requirement and just has to happen, or else. The person subject to the "or else" is simply unable to relate in a way that makes anything change, long term. There is something going on much deeper that has to be fixed.

When I figure out what that is, what has to be fixed, I'll let you know. The one thing I do know is that people don't actually change that much and you may find the root of a problem goes back much further than you think. b


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## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

Your wife has far too many issues to list

But when you break everything down to the base, she just wasn’t prepared to be an adult, let alone get married. 

The best thing you can do is to file for divorce and simultaneously get her into some heavy duty therapy!

Good luck, stay strong, and do NOT feel guilty about doing the right thing, which I believe you know what that is


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## waynejoey (Jun 8, 2018)

Anon898989 said:


> So I married a religious woman, that grew up where sex 'before' marriage was sinful. We had sex every visit back in those days, but she never gave it that "enthusiasm". When I brought it up, she said it was hard to enjoy something sinful. So I understood that, from that psychological standpoint, and moved on.
> 
> Now, we've been married for over a year, and I can count on both hands the number of times for sex. Most fell on some special occasion, and even then was initiated by me. Not once has it ever been from her perspective, or even had the slightest inclination of excitement. Can someone, literally, have zero interest in sex with their husband? I've tried bringing it up, and I can't even remotely approach it without her shutting down, and if pushed any further, will just get in the vehicle and leave.
> 
> ...


What religion is she? Hopefully she is a follower of Jesus. I guarantee if the two of you follow Jesus together your marriage will be redeemed and you will find the comfort you have been looking for.

Your situation is not abnormal, but it is also unacceptable, and divorce is not the answer. You are the man. Lead your household. Show them what the church is all about and love like Jesus!


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## Anon898989 (Mar 26, 2019)

OP here. I pretty much agree, and am just soaking in the responses. Hoping one found a solution in the midst. 

The best I can gather is she isn't ready for marriage, has no idea how to be a spouse, spoiled in the past, and no interest in sex. I imagine a lot has to do with her family dynamics. I have also learned (but don't know the details) that something happened to her at college, sexually, which made her go from straight A's to dropping out mid-term. 

I can guarantee there's no cheating, at least now, as we've been quarantined for two months. So if she had a sex drive, surely she'd masturbate or at least be having sex. 

This is also not the time I can act on the matter. The courts aren't even open. 

In terms of emotional, non-physical, moments, they can be great. She is great at caring, and cuddling, works full-time, and doesn't spend a nickle. I just think of my exes though, and how different this quarantine would be given our passions.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I truly don't understand why people get themselves into this fix. When people show you who they are, believe them. It really isn't that hard!

I'm beginning to think that people who think that somehow a marriage ceremony will cure whatever ails their intended have a screw loose. Maybe they're the ones who need to get into counseling.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Yeah, no kidding. I think OP is just in such a level of denial that nothing will wake him up. 

OP it does not matter what the truth is, what her reasons are, the effect and the results are the same. 

You are in a sexless marriage, and you need to get out. WHICH MEANS FILE FOR DIVORCE....


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