# Reconciling when family hates the ex



## matador

My ex wife and I divorced in 2007 (well, separated in 2007 and divorced in ’08.) Prior to marriage and while we were married my friends and family LOVED my exwife. She talked to and saw my family more than I did. She was very accepted and a part of the family. When we divorced I made her out to be the bad guy, stretched the truth and straight up lied about somethings to make her seem worse and to hate her as much as I did. It worked, my family and friends hate her and think she is terrible. I didn’t think I’d ever want to reverse that. Now I do. 

We have spent the past year seeing each other, which I have hid most of this time. My family recently found out. They are less than impressed and are showing no signs of accepting her again. They have said she isn’t allowed in their home, at family events (like Christmas things coming up). A few family members or friends trash talk her at any opportunity (not in front of our kids), some saying hurtful things directly to her. She is taking it and saying she deserves it, no one does though. 

We were married for 3 years in our early-mid 20’s. We have two teenaged kids together. We have both changed and grown a lot from who were were in our mid 20’s to now in our mid-late 30’s. 

What happened: We were both to blame for the failing of our marriage. I put no effort into the marriage, her or our kids; she wanted to fix things, I had no interest; she begged for a year; she had an emotional affair and left me for that man, married him right after we divorced. She didn’t put a stop to the emotional affair before it progressed or turned into an emotional affair, let it get physical as soon as I left.

Lies I told: I told my family that our marriage was great and we were happy. She had been ****ing another man for most if not all of our marriage and our kids might not be mine. She had a miscarriage during our marriage that my family knew about, I later told them that was the other mans and she aborted not a miscarriage. I said I wanted to try and fix the marriage but she had no interest, rather than telling her to leave. On top of that, they are not impressed that she married him immediately, had kids with him. He’s become a deadbeat and his kids are basically becoming mine. Her 2nd exhusband is a ********* to deal with. She ripped him a new one during the divorce and I’m being warned she’ll do the same to me if we married and when (not if) we divorce again. 

Given that information, is there anything that can be done to get my family and friends to accept her again? I don’t know how well a reconciliation will turn out if there is so much hate coming from my side. It’s not good for our kids either. The obvious answer is to tell them the truth, which I have tried but they think that is a lie to try and get her back on their good side or that she’s putting me up to it.

I am trying to give this a 100% effort. I want it to work.


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## Marc878

Matador = extremely naive

I need more popcorn and beer for this one.


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## jlcrome

You can tell them the truth opps you done that. Hey you're a grown man your family either accepts it or they don't. But take caution she rebounded now she's rebounding again. Don't get married till years down the road very far off.


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## Satya

I think you should leave her alone.


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## Lostinthought61

Here again Matador, 

you seriously need to grow up, your an adult but your behavior is truly sophomoric, you have to first start regardless if you marry her again or not, to tell everyone the truth about her and your marriage. Dear god man was your ego that fragile that you had to make up lies to protect it. And on top of that your also willing to take on the task of basically raising and paying for the care of the AP's kids....i truly question your motives...honestly deep down i think you are trying to reconquer your ex because you need to do that to regain what your lose, you need to prove to the POS that you may have taken her away but i got her back....and other ego silliness...because i will tell you that if you marry her, there will come a day when you look over and see the POS kids and her and what the hell was i thinking....and then you screwed yourself once again...so here is my last piece of advice that i am also sure you will not take...get a freaking pre-nup if you marry her and please for god sake don't adopt those kids. If i was your best friend i would tell you the same thing, although i would be much harsher with you on some of my words. you are seriously messed up


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## David51

matador said:


> My ex wife and I divorced in 2007 (well, separated in 2007 and divorced in ’08.) Prior to marriage and while we were married my friends and family LOVED my exwife. She talked to and saw my family more than I did. She was very accepted and a part of the family. When we divorced I made her out to be the bad guy, stretched the truth and straight up lied about somethings to make her seem worse and to hate her as much as I did. It worked, my family and friends hate her and think she is terrible. I didn’t think I’d ever want to reverse that. Now I do.
> 
> 
> 
> We have spent the past year seeing each other, which I have hid most of this time. My family recently found out. They are less than impressed and are showing no signs of accepting her again. They have said she isn’t allowed in their home, at family events (like Christmas things coming up). A few family members or friends trash talk her at any opportunity (not in front of our kids), some saying hurtful things directly to her. She is taking it and saying she deserves it, no one does though.
> 
> 
> 
> We were married for 3 years in our early-mid 20’s. We have two teenaged kids together. We have both changed and grown a lot from who were were in our mid 20’s to now in our mid-late 30’s.
> 
> 
> 
> What happened: We were both to blame for the failing of our marriage. I put no effort into the marriage, her or our kids; she wanted to fix things, I had no interest; she begged for a year; she had an emotional affair and left me for that man, married him right after we divorced. She didn’t put a stop to the emotional affair before it progressed or turned into an emotional affair, let it get physical as soon as I left.
> 
> 
> 
> Lies I told: I told my family that our marriage was great and we were happy. She had been ****ing another man for most if not all of our marriage and our kids might not be mine. She had a miscarriage during our marriage that my family knew about, I later told them that was the other mans and she aborted not a miscarriage. I said I wanted to try and fix the marriage but she had no interest, rather than telling her to leave. On top of that, they are not impressed that she married him immediately, had kids with him. He’s become a deadbeat and his kids are basically becoming mine. Her 2nd exhusband is a ********* to deal with. She ripped him a new one during the divorce and I’m being warned she’ll do the same to me if we married and when (not if) we divorce again.
> 
> 
> 
> Given that information, is there anything that can be done to get my family and friends to accept her again? I don’t know how well a reconciliation will turn out if there is so much hate coming from my side. It’s not good for our kids either. The obvious answer is to tell them the truth, which I have tried but they think that is a lie to try and get her back on their good side or that she’s putting me up to it.
> 
> 
> 
> I am trying to give this a 100% effort. I want it to work.



How about you copy and paste this posting you have here and email it to your entire family and all of your friends.



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## OutofRetirement

> How about you copy and paste this posting you have here and email it to your entire family and all of your friends.


That might work. Problem is, then you might be persona non grata.


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