# Did the following happen to you?



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Throught our my separation and divorce, I never broke down. I felt sad, lost, and hopeless but anytime I felt the smallest inclination to break down I would shrug it off and move on.

Last night I watched a movie called "The Best Man's Holiday."
The plot of the movie is about college friends who reunite 15 years after graduation to celebrate life and CHristmas. These friends do not know that the person who invited them all to get together is terminal and will soon die of cancer. She is married to an NFL star. Towards the end of the movie, it is shown how much these couple love each other, he is devoted to her. THeir love is magical (it is a movie after all). 

I began crying inconsolably becuase their love was so beautiful and felt as if I have always been alone and had nobody to care for me, not even as a child. My parents did not take care of me, my sisters did not care for me, my brothers did not care for me. I was the youngest child. I began to remember that on one occasion when I was about seven years old, I was left alone in the house. As I recall, I woke up, looked for my mother and nobody was home! I had forgotten how I felt until last night, I felt sad, abandoned, afraid, and angry. When my mother returned (with one of my sisters) they laughed because I was crying and upset.

Fast forward to the point I met my ex husband. I thought he was my prince charming. Buried inside myself were all the hurt my family had inflicted upon me, but I was unaware of any of that. I looked upon my husband to heal the wounds of my childood, but sadly he only inflicted more wounds.

Fast forward to April 2013 when my marriage ended. I blamed myself and had not been able to forgive myself for leaving what seemed like an idyllic marriage (it was not). That was until last night, after watching that movie and crying I began to forgive myself. I actually spoke the words outloud and also made the promise to myself to take care of me. I will take care of me. 

I am still working on forgiving my parents, my siblings, and my ex, but last night I realized how wonderful I am. I am a decent human being, I deserve love, I will take care of myself, I will love myself....

I had a breakdown after watching a movie, a much needed breakdown that I never had before.

It will be two years in April and just now I had a breakdown, not missing ex husband but a breakdown to forgive and fully connect with the most important person in the universe: me.

Thank you for reading.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Sometimes it takes a while and you need to be in a safe place before it happens.

Be thankful. 
Some people NEVER have this moment and end up prisoners of their own remorse.

Hugs!


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

2 years for me too...hey! just noticed tomorrow it will be 1 month after divorce... 

Anyways...
2 weeks ago I saw a small scratch in my car and I began crying no-stop for like 30 minutes... 

I did the Christmas decoration so happy on Nov 1st, when I took it down this week... again... 

Strange moments, but yes, one breaks down. It somehow brought me the feeling that same as when we were married I was/am responsible to fix things not thinking for a moment about asking him... I made it a big deal but guess I needed that.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

This was a powerful post, thanks for sharing.
Best of everything to you this year.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I broke down during the entire time after my separation and while divorcing. It was an extremely emotionally traumatizing event for me. And I didn't feel normal or "myself" for a very long time. LONG time.

I was separated and one day I took my nephew to see the movie Up. Yes, Up, the children's cartoon movie with the house that goes up with the balloons. I cried inconsolably throughout the entire movie. The old man's wife had died. My nephew, poor thing, must have thought I was insane. For some reason that movie was like a dagger in my heart.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> I broke down during the entire time after my separation and while divorcing. It was an extremely emotionally traumatizing event for me. And I didn't feel normal or "myself" for a very long time. LONG time.
> 
> I was separated and one day I took my nephew to see the movie Up. Yes, Up, the children's cartoon movie with the house that goes up with the balloons. I cried inconsolably throughout the entire movie. The old man's wife had died. My nephew, poor thing, must have thought I was insane. For some reason that movie was like a dagger in my heart.


I saw that movie as well, it was a great love story. For me, the loss of his wife was devastating because it showed the kind of love I would like to have one day. 
I can honestly say I have never been loved in that fashion. 
It is knowing that I once thought I had that love but it was never true.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> I broke down during the entire time after my separation and while divorcing. It was an extremely emotionally traumatizing event for me. And I didn't feel normal or "myself" for a very long time. LONG time.
> 
> I was separated and one day I took my nephew to see the movie Up. Yes, Up, the children's cartoon movie with the house that goes up with the balloons. I cried inconsolably throughout the entire movie. The old man's wife had died. My nephew, poor thing, must have thought I was insane. For some reason that movie was like a dagger in my heart.


Awwww. 
Mine was the cartoon version of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Home on one of my first Saturday's alone.
The part where they killed Asalan (sp?) 
I just lost it.

Funny how it catches you in the oddest moments.


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

No you are not strange at all. *hugs* I empathize with your story of childhood. 

In many ways, I feel like I could have wrote something so similar it would have been the same.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

There is always a new beginning and I am glad you wrote this down.

when ever you feel a bit down read this again. The memories of the moment will reinforce the feelings. All the best.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Going through that catharsis and learning to forgive and love yourself allows you to connect with YOU. It allows you to be comfortable in your own skin and to own your sh!t. That allows you to lower your walls and be vulnerable which is very, very good. You will be willing to take risks because that connection with yourself enables you to weather it when/if the risks go topsy turvy. When they don't, it is gold.

Well done.


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## AFPhoenix (Dec 24, 2013)

I read the book Letting Go in the early stages of my separation. One of the tasks was to surround myself with the memories of her (pictures of us together, some clothes she left behind, old cards she had given me) I cried for almost 2 hours straight. Like Fenix said, catharis is good.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Thank you for sharing that, ne. It makes me sad that any mother would leave her child alone and laugh at their fear.  It also helps me understand why you seek love (the feeling of being cherished) and why you attempt to bond too quickly and also why you push away (fear of being let down again). Personal growth is a lifelong journey. 

My parents are absolutely wonderful. But I haven't been loved by a man in that way since my first serious boyfriend. Ex being narcissistic precluded him from doing that for 15 years of marriage. And for the last 10 years on my own I haven't met someone who adores me. My fear is I never will. I cry over everything that is touching to me but love stories leave an empty ache. But I've kept myself from settling, at least.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Thank you for sharing that, ne. It makes me sad that any mother would leave her child alone and laugh at their fear.  It also helps me understand why you seek love (the feeling of being cherished) and why you attempt to bond too quickly and also why you push away (fear of being let down again). Personal growth is a lifelong journey.
> 
> My parents are absolutely wonderful. But I haven't been loved by a man in that way since my first serious boyfriend. Ex being narcissistic precluded him from doing that for 15 years of marriage. And for the last 10 years on my own I haven't met someone who adores me. My fear is I never will. I cry over everything that is touching to me but love stories leave an empty ache. But I've kept myself from settling, at least.


/hugs to you!


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

I too was very emotional during my separation and divorce. I loved deeply during my marriage and had a hard time with my emotions after betrayal was revealed. 

I find myself very emotional when anyone does anything nice for me. I guess after years of disappointment from spouse, I have a difficult time accepting kindness. I never used to be an emotional person but now show my vulnerable side. 

I like others here; hope to find a great love and companion but think I will be ok either way!


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

I used to be a very sensitive guy. My marriage made me numb and indifferent. During my divorce, I was in the process of buying my house and was faced with some real tough challenges. I sat in a closet while my children slept, and I began to cry and pray. I turned my problems over to God and I wept. 

I have noticed that I now tear up when I read a sad story, or watch a sad movie. Other times I feel joy and excitement, I feel happiness like I've never felt before. 

I can feel now and sometimes it scares me, but I roll with it. 

The funniest thing is when my D4 sings "let it go" from frozen and dances to it. Always makes me cry and she always gives me a hug and we laugh because I don't know why it makes me cry. 

I've learned how to feel and be ok with it. It's a great feeling. 

Glad you have opened up to you.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Like a lot of the posters here, I became very emotional during my separation, up through the divorce. During the final years of my marriage, I had become very numb to any and ALL emotions, just to protect myself from the pain of the situation.

When we initially separated, that numbness didn't go away for two months. My breakdown was at a concert--I went to see P!nk's "Truth About Love" tour. I wasn't expecting it; I had the entire album memorized from listening to it so often, I thought nothing of it. But about halfway through the concert... I was struck by the particular song that she was singing, and the fact that in a sold-out arena I felt more isolated and alone than ever. I started sobbing and cried through the rest of the concert (which was amazing, BTW). But it was a huge relief to just feel something, ANYTHING, again... it was like all the pent up emotions of the previous years just came pouring out.

After that, I would cry at the drop of a hat. Really. If I saw a kid drop his hat and get upset, I would cry. I cried at everything. Happy things, sad things, it didn't matter. A day wasn't complete if I hadn't cried for at least 10-15 minutes about SOMETHING. But I didn't care, because it made me feel ALIVE in a way that I hadn't for a really long time. So I was just embracing it, remembering to be thankful that this was a sign that I had broken out of this emotional bondage.

The crying at the drop of a hat thing did wear off after a while. I think my subconscious just needed time to deal with all the repressed emotions. I still do cry at things now, but I'm not embarrassed to do so anymore, like I might have been before all of this happened. If I want to cry, I cry without temperance, and embrace the emotions that make me a complete, functioning person.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

daddymikey1975 said:


> I can feel now and sometimes it scares me, but I roll with it.
> 
> The funniest thing is when my D4 sings "let it go" from frozen and dances to it. Always makes me cry and she always gives me a hug and we laugh because I don't know why it makes me cry.
> 
> *I've learned how to feel and be ok with it. It's a great feeling. *


^^^ THIS. This is what it's all about.


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## Magnite40 (Jan 19, 2015)

I too was an emotional wreck though separation and divorce. Even two years later I still cry often...happy, sad, grateful, sometimes I have no idea what the emotion is that is causing the tears. My marriage had also became emotionally void...some anger and frustration but no connection. Not sure why I didn't realize it while in the marriage, really thought I was happy. This crisis he caused will make me a way better person and really understand what I need and take care of me. I so miss the companionship and unconditional love, but I guess I never really had it. My kids are now my everything and I will be so more aware next relationship.


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