# Lost and confused



## stbery1 (Mar 30, 2009)

I have been through a roller coaster of emotions this past year after loosing 2 family members in 2 months (last spring). My fiance was there supporting me the whole time, but I had a very hard time coming to terms with it all. Last summer he lost his job for 2 months and was home while I was working. During this time he was depressed and didn't understand why I was leaving him to go to work. After that he literally got his job back they day I lost mine. I did ok to begin with but I don't do well sitting at home. I decided to stay home and take care of his son full time while his ex was unable to care for him. During that time I turned down a job offer since it wouldn't have paid enough to put him into daycare full time. As the winter progressed I began to feel very isolated and fell into a deep depression. I didn't want to admit I had a problem but I was taking every little thing out on my fiance. He eventually began to shut down and push me away too. He says he has been trying to help me this whole time, but I just don't see it. The only time he tells me i have a problem is in the middle of a fight and then leaves telling me i don't see all he does, (all i have asked him to do around the house is take out the trash and he has done it a handfull of times in 6 months). 
He keeps putting all of our problems on me and recently I found out he was turning to another girl to confide in, who is now in love with him. 
When I began to make a real conscience effort to turn things around he said he needs time and said I have been so horrible to him doesn't know what to do. I have taken full responsibility for my actions but he doesn't get that I was crying out for help and what he was doing wasn't working.
Where do I go from here?


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I have been through many phases of depression. It is very difficult to handle the ups and downs of a relationship, and even more difficult when there is clinical depression involved. Financial troubles, child care, household chores, and another woman are all serious marriage issues that must be addressed. You probably need to decide if you are strong enough to stay. This site is filled with men and women struggling with their marriage. It takes compromise and forgiveness. I wish I had better advice. Good luck.


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## stbery1 (Mar 30, 2009)

Thank you for your response. We are both trying to find ourselves again as well as who we are as a couple. I don't want to push him to much at this point since we are working on the issues at hand and trying to move forward. Forgiving and moving forward is easier said than done but necessary for our relationship to work. I have reminded him that we have both grown and changed in positive ways too since the start of our relationship. 
I have realized I need to focus on me and treating my depression right now. All I can do is be myself and find happiness, if he can't work with me then we will soon find out. It is just hard when I am willing to open up and give 110% and I feel like he is holding back.


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