# I have just ruined my marriage by being stupid



## HSO (May 31, 2011)

I have been an unhappy person for a very long time & on top of changes & issues in my relationship with my wife (girlfriend at the time), my lebido just disappeared. I knew it was mainly in my head but it was going from bad to worse. i couldn't perform to what I had when we started and I carried on puting this pressure on myself. I tried to fix it by watching p0rn however that was so temporary and didn't help at all. Tried again since and hasn't helped at all. Several months went by and it became years and it got worse. I am one of the most affectionate guys in the world and I think me not being able to go the next step has made it worse. We saw a counceller at great expense before we got married to help with any issues before we got married. She helped in some regards but as we couldn't afford anymore sessions we never finished. We had a history of fighting especially as I wear my heart on my sleeve and she gets quieter and shies away from conflict.

4 months after we got married something came up about a work colleague of hers and it seemed to spark an interest in her but she never said anything I just saw excitment. I decided I would look into it. It was a naked party and from there i signed up to a website to look for couples etc. It initially sparked my interest butafter looking at it for a few days, I realised I could never see her with another man and I knew she couldn't see me with anyone else. I left it at that and as it was an old email address I didn't think anything of it. She thought I was lying about something else and she decided to look on the computer and she found this website which due to spam and collected others. I have had a history of lying to her or more not telling her of something especially at the begining. and this has now come out.
I have never touched another woman since we met 6 years ago but the evidence looks like I went out looking and starting cheating on her.
I have hurt her so much and I am sick with pain of with what I have caused her. I am always the one with answers but no I don't know what to do. 
I have made an appointment today to see a doctor because I am so down and need help. Hopefully they will have something for my depression because it has now come between me and my wife and allowed other things to interfere.
I love her so much as she does me and this is killing me. Please help.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Start with providing her Openness and Transparency to all your activities. Give her the usernames & passwords to your computerm, your Facebook, your email addresses (all of them), your cellphone. 

Take her through all your activity together so that you can explain what DID and what DID NOT happen. If you communicated with people, perhaps they can confirm directly about nothing happening? Get into MC, asap, together. SHOW her your commitment, and tell her constantly. Apologize, a lot and specifically for what you did. Talk, talk, talk, and talk some more with full openness and truth - no secrets. It is the only way.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

You need to get more help, if I was her I wouldn't trust you either and I'd probably leave.


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## HSO (May 31, 2011)

@2xloser-thank u for the advise. She knows all my passwords already if there is something she wants to check and she doesn't know it, then I'm there to give it to her.
I have told her to look through a thing she wants and I will suppor her in whatever why I can. Saw the docs yesterday and I will be going to counselling to get to the bottom of my depression and to then tackle the rest. 1 step at a time. I didn't physically cheat but realise the errors of my ways because this can hurt just as much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HSO (May 31, 2011)

@Syrum- thanks for your wonderful advise and I hope u are never in the position or screw up in ur marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Something I've doen to/for why wife is tell her specifically what I need and want -- and she has complied.... one of those things was "When you're feeling sorry for what you have done, tell me. If I get sick of hearing it, I will tell you."

It's been 32 days since DDay for me, and she's told me several times a day every day, and I am not sick of hearing it. You might do that without being asked... even though it may appear like it is a small thing and doesn't matter, I can assure you it does when it is heartfelt.

Good luck.


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