# Wife made porn during her affair



## PaloAlto70

My wife had an affair with a coworker for two years. I knew this guy, he was her closest friend at work, and it was no secret that they were close as colleagues. This part is nothing new to anyone who has spent time on these forums. BUT:
In the days after the revelation, my wife wanted to come clean that she and her lover recorded some of their sexual encounters, both at his apartment and at the office. Photos and videos were made and although for years she was vague and euphemistic about them, my understanding is that her lover wanted photos of her with his cum on her face, following blowjobs; other videos may have been of blowjobs and of them having sex in an office chair, her on top of him, and him on top of her in his bed.
I am not trying to be salacious or offend anyone here. I am writing because these details - that my wife participated in what I guess could be described as the amateur porn fetish of her lover, sex as sport not just passion in the moment -
then set me off on an investigative trail of what else happened? What was this all about? Every betrayed husband on these forums is tormented by images and needs to have a coherent story, but I have dealt with images of images and it has been exceptionally hard. 
She proceeded to tell me that her lover also wanted to change her tampons for her, and that she allowed him to do this in the office and his apartment. She said that he could also last a very long time, allowing her to experience vaginal orgasms she never did with me. 
And here we are seven years later and somehow we have had more peaceful days than days of rage. But I can't get over it, not the actual sex acts, but her inability to tell a coherent linear story that finally puts my mind at ease. Suggestions?


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## MattMatt

Oh, my.

First of all counselling for you. There are techniques that can lessen the impact of this kind of mental image.

Also you need 100% honesty and 100% disclosure from your wife.

A comprehensive lie detector session will be of potential benefit.


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## GusPolinski

PaloAlto70 said:


> My wife had an affair with a coworker for two years. I knew this guy, he was her closest friend at work, and it was no secret that they were close as colleagues. This part is nothing new to anyone who has spent time on these forums. BUT:
> In the days after the revelation, my wife wanted to come clean that she and her lover recorded some of their sexual encounters, both at his apartment and at the office. Photos and videos were made and although for years she was vague and euphemistic about them, my understanding is that her lover wanted photos of her with his cum on her face, following blowjobs; other videos may have been of blowjobs and of them having sex in an office chair, her on top of him, and him on top of her in his bed.
> I am not trying to be salacious or offend anyone here. I am writing because these details - that my wife participated in what I guess could be described as the amateur porn fetish of her lover, sex as sport not just passion in the moment -
> then set me off on an investigative trail of what else happened? What was this all about? Every betrayed husband on these forums is tormented by images and needs to have a coherent story, but I have dealt with images of images and it has been exceptionally hard.
> She proceeded to tell me that her lover also wanted to change her tampons for her, and that she allowed him to do this in the office and his apartment. She said that he could also last a very long time, allowing her to experience vaginal orgasms she never did with me.
> And here we are seven years later and somehow we have had more peaceful days than days of rage. But I can't get over it, not the actual sex acts, but her inability to tell a coherent linear story that finally puts my mind at ease. Suggestions?


When’s the divorce?


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## alexm

Why did she tell you all of this? Why WOULD she tell you all of this?

There was a time in my life where I'd have been open to reconciliation if my partner had an affair. I no longer feel that way, for whatever reason. Life's too short, for one. I've also been through a divorce already, and it wasn't the end of the world.

In any case - even back then, when I didn't want a divorce, or was scared of being on my own - I likely wouldn't have stayed with someone who engaged in _this_ sort of thing behind my back. It's a whole new level, IMO.


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## David51

I am pretty forgiving but this would be difficult to put behind me, Sorry I do not have a better reply,


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001

There is a reason she is telling you this now.It is either that the porn videos have surfaced and she is afraid of someone telling you or she is having another affair and going to claim she is being blackmailed into it.
As Gus says,when’s the divorce?


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## MJJEAN

PaloAlto70 said:


> But I can't get over it, not the actual sex acts, but her inability to tell a coherent linear story that finally puts my mind at ease.


Your wife had a TWO YEAR long affair with a colleague, had sex with him both at work and in your shared home, allowed him intimacies she only shared with him, we don't need to even get into the fact that he could give her vaginal orgasms while you cannot, and she FILMED IT. So, exactly what could she possibly say to "put your mind at ease"? Writing down the details in a coherent linear story won't change the details.

Also, seriously, I'd have divorced her for being stupid enough to poop where she eats. Your wife is such a tool she allowed a colleague to film her having sex with him AT WORK. She's lucky her amateur porn didn't make the rounds and cost her her job. I'd say "and her reputation", but workplace affairs are usually sussed out immediately and gossiped about behind the participants backs endlessly, so her reputation was shot already.


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## SunCMars

MJJEAN said:


> Also, seriously, I'd have divorced her for being stupid enough to poop where she eats. *Your wife is such a tool *she allowed a colleague to film her having sex with him AT WORK.


I was just floating past TAM HQs in my yet, ghostly form. 
I saw on the horizon a firestorm a'comin.
You started it. 
Well, these last two weeks have been slow, a tad boring. Folks are going back a few months to read older posts.

MJJEAN is right on the money. Write on, Dear!

Your' wife IS a tool.

Tools are useful when in a Craftsman's hands. They produce works of art, nice millwork at home, at work; nice carpentry; good running machines.

When a tool is used by a dirt-bag Craftyman, all bets are off. 
And all clothes come off.
All morals go out the window.

POSOM, that Shade-Tree pornographer is 'still' pulling his pud watching these films.

Which makes me think of 'snuff" films. Him being the star and the victim.
God, no wonder people 'off' each other. 
He defiled YOU, not her. She was a willing participant.

I also think of strong ropes.
Wrapped many times around.
To keep one from seeking more than a retributive black eye.
Seeking a heavy revenge. Many pounds over his weight.


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## Malaise

Check the Internet.


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## MattMatt

Malaise said:


> Check the Internet.


Yes, I thought that, too.


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## Malaise

MattMatt said:


> Yes, I thought that, too.


Great minds...


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## Herschel

gtfo


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## MattMatt

@PaloAlto70 Why the confession now?

Has your wife undergone counselling? Some counsellors would fit in at TAM fairly well, they believe only full disclosure works.

Is your wife still a colleague of her former affair partner?


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## JayDee7

I will never understand how a man can continue in a relationship with their wife after an affair. I understand loving the woman, even after her betrayal, but I cannot understand continuing the marriage.

Whatever she told you, it?s probably worse. People say, oh we slept together. They don?t tell you the details. She told you details, and it?s probably worse than you?d like to imagine. Why not ask the man for copies of the videos, then maybe it?ll be real to you and not just words. It sounds like she?s really done a mind **** on you.


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## sokillme

PaloAlto70 said:


> My wife had an affair with a coworker for two years. I knew this guy, he was her closest friend at work, and it was no secret that they were close as colleagues. This part is nothing new to anyone who has spent time on these forums. BUT:
> In the days after the revelation, my wife wanted to come clean that she and her lover recorded some of their sexual encounters, both at his apartment and at the office. Photos and videos were made and although for years she was vague and euphemistic about them, my understanding is that her lover wanted photos of her with his cum on her face, following blowjobs; other videos may have been of blowjobs and of them having sex in an office chair, her on top of him, and him on top of her in his bed.
> I am not trying to be salacious or offend anyone here. I am writing because these details - that my wife participated in what I guess could be described as the amateur porn fetish of her lover, sex as sport not just passion in the moment -
> then set me off on an investigative trail of what else happened? What was this all about? Every betrayed husband on these forums is tormented by images and needs to have a coherent story, but I have dealt with images of images and it has been exceptionally hard.
> She proceeded to tell me that her lover also wanted to change her tampons for her, and that she allowed him to do this in the office and his apartment. She said that he could also last a very long time, allowing her to experience vaginal orgasms she never did with me.
> And here we are seven years later and somehow we have had more peaceful days than days of rage. But I can't get over it, not the actual sex acts, but her inability to tell a coherent linear story that finally puts my mind at ease. Suggestions?


I don't blame you. Not sure if there is a way to fix it though. To me the way to fix it is to find someone else who isn't an amateur porn star why she is married to you. I bet you can do better than that. Seriously does she crap gold or something. There seems to be so many men who hold on to women and treat them like June Cleaver when no one in their right mind should be married to her. 

Here is the deal there are 2 types of people. The kind you have fun and shallow relationships. And the kind you reserve your love for and marry. Unfortunately you married the first kind. That is the true problem you need to accept it and move on, don't double down.


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## marriageontherocks2

I probably need to take a break from TAM, the stories are just so awful, and it's almost all women destroying men. Tough to stomach honestly.


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## Malaise

PaloAlto70 said:


> And here we are seven years later and somehow we have had more peaceful days than days of rage.* But I can't get over it, not the actual sex acts, but her inability to tell a coherent linear story that finally puts my mind at ease*. Suggestions?


That's because she lies even when she's 'telling the truth' and can't keep track of what lies she's told you.

Do you think you have 'the truth'?


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## Lostinthought61

Palto....seriously 2 years, movies and you are still with her...why honestly why? honestly what is that line in the sand for you...have some self respect.....i am also guessing you did not expose this. I am also guessing your wife has even little respect for you to do that on film. stop being a doormat


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## Steve1000

PaloAlto70 said:


> And here we are seven years later and somehow we have had more peaceful days than days of rage. But I can't get over it, not the actual sex acts, but her inability to tell a coherent linear story that finally puts my mind at ease. Suggestions?


You might be longing for a completely coherent story to ease your misery, but I think that you would find that once you have a coherent story, you don't feel any better. Have you ever considered that you might be cheating yourself of a peaceful 2nd half of your life by staying?


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## Satya

I don't understand how you can even begin to forgive this. I'd have been gone the moment I found out, were I in your shoes OP.

What's worse is, you know the videos are on the 'Net. There's simply no way they aren't.


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## MattMatt

JayDee7 said:


> I will never understand how a man can continue in a relationship with their wife after an affair. I understand loving the woman, even after her betrayal, but I cannot understand continuing the marriage.
> 
> Whatever she told you, it?s probably worse. People say, oh we slept together. They don?t tell you the details. She told you details, and it?s probably worse than you?d like to imagine. Why not ask the man for copies of the videos, then maybe it?ll be real to you and not just words. It sounds like she?s really done a mind **** on you.


Some people can, some people can't.

And what might be a dealbreaker for one, might not be a dealbreaker for another.

We are all different.


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## Bibi1031

You will instantly feel more at ease if after 7 years of torture you kick her porn exposed ass out, and file for divorce!


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## Taxman

This happened to a client of mine. He stressed over this for a few years while his WW was contrite and trying to keep her world from blowing up. Unfortunately, he did not know that they made some love videos and the vids and pics were in the posession of her former AP. And of course, one fine day, the AP posts one or two of their love videos on a porn website. It took no more than a few days, he finds a video of his wife giving the AP a blow job playing at his office, a coworker says that he is absolutely sure that it is my client's wife. Enraged, he sends the video to her office. She walks in to find her video playing on a number of her colleagues computers. She walks out, knowing that the job and career are likely over, only to get a text from her husband. Essentially, she is told that her husband has been humiliated for the last time. He ended the marriage, and went after the AP for all of the videos. They were dumped onto the internet before the AP gave up his originals. Apparently the AP did not give half a damn about legal ramifications of that kind of exposure. My client's wife is having horrible difficulty defending against her husband's divorce action. I have not reviewed the action but the divorce is minimal in the action. There are a number of civil complaints that all piled up will result in her being beggared; penalties for public humiliation. She is done. The AP is similarly suffering under a pile of litigation. My client will be testifying against these idiots for at least a decade.


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## VladDracul

MJJEAN said:


> So, exactly what could she possibly say to "put your mind at ease"? Writing down the details in a coherent linear story won't change the details.


It puts his mind at ease because he knows and accepts his limitations. It analogous to someone f-ing up their tax returns and it "puts their mind at ease" when they realize they are over their head but there are professionals willing to do the job. Time has proven you don't have to be a good lover for a wife to allow you to keep a roof over her head while using you as a place holder until she's better positioned.
In the meantime, she enjoys the tortured look on your face as she details this information knowing you're grateful she's stays around.


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## VladDracul

marriageontherocks2 said:


> I probably need to take a break from TAM, the stories are just so awful, and it's almost all women destroying men. Tough to stomach honestly.


That's why I write out "betrayed spouse". If I use "BS", I mean entirely something else, as in this case.


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## uhtred

Hmm. There must be millions of videos of women giving BJs on the internet. How did he find the one of his wife? Was it posted under her real name? If it was posted without her permission, then prosecuting her affair partner would have seemed the right move. Sending the video to his wife's office puts him in likely violation of the law. 

I would be surprised if it were legal for the company to fire her for this. I certainly wouldn't fire an employee due to an alleged affair or the existence of a porn video. 






Taxman said:


> This happened to a client of mine. He stressed over this for a few years while his WW was contrite and trying to keep her world from blowing up. Unfortunately, he did not know that they made some love videos and the vids and pics were in the posession of her former AP. And of course, one fine day, the AP posts one or two of their love videos on a porn website. It took no more than a few days, he finds a video of his wife giving the AP a blow job playing at his office, a coworker says that he is absolutely sure that it is my client's wife. Enraged, he sends the video to her office. She walks in to find her video playing on a number of her colleagues computers. She walks out, knowing that the job and career are likely over, only to get a text from her husband. Essentially, she is told that her husband has been humiliated for the last time. He ended the marriage, and went after the AP for all of the videos. They were dumped onto the internet before the AP gave up his originals. Apparently the AP did not give half a damn about legal ramifications of that kind of exposure. My client's wife is having horrible difficulty defending against her husband's divorce action. I have not reviewed the action but the divorce is minimal in the action. There are a number of civil complaints that all piled up will result in her being beggared; penalties for public humiliation. She is done. The AP is similarly suffering under a pile of litigation. My client will be testifying against these idiots for at least a decade.


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## sokillme

Taxman said:


> This happened to a client of mine. He stressed over this for a few years while his WW was contrite and trying to keep her world from blowing up. Unfortunately, he did not know that they made some love videos and the vids and pics were in the posession of her former AP. And of course, one fine day, the AP posts one or two of their love videos on a porn website. It took no more than a few days, he finds a video of his wife giving the AP a blow job playing at his office, a coworker says that he is absolutely sure that it is my client's wife. Enraged, he sends the video to her office. She walks in to find her video playing on a number of her colleagues computers. She walks out, knowing that the job and career are likely over, only to get a text from her husband. Essentially, she is told that her husband has been humiliated for the last time. He ended the marriage, and went after the AP for all of the videos. They were dumped onto the internet before the AP gave up his originals. Apparently the AP did not give half a damn about legal ramifications of that kind of exposure. My client's wife is having horrible difficulty defending against her husband's divorce action. I have not reviewed the action but the divorce is minimal in the action. There are a number of civil complaints that all piled up will result in her being beggared; penalties for public humiliation. She is done. The AP is similarly suffering under a pile of litigation. My client will be testifying against these idiots for at least a decade.


It's nice to have a fairy tale ending on here every once an a while. >


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## ILoveSparkles

The only reason she told you is because she knows something is about to leak, or already has and is doing damage control before you find out elsewhere.


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## arbitrator

MattMatt said:


> Oh, my.
> 
> First of all counselling for you. There are techniques that can lessen the impact of this kind of mental image.
> 
> Also you need 100% honesty and 100% disclosure from your wife.
> 
> A comprehensive lie detector session will be of potential benefit.


*In addition, you need to have a legal counseling session with a good thorough session with a most competent family law attorney in order to ascertain all of your legal rights and to perhaps explore “the beginning of the end!” 

Also, get yourself checked out by your MD for the presence of any potentially nasty STD’s that she may have inadvertently “gifted” you!*


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## TAM2013

Why was my post deleted? Granted it was direct, but it was pretty much what others have been saying. And sometimes a metaphorical slap to bring an OP to their senses is exactly the right advice.

MC, transparency and lie detectors are not the right advice and will just prolong his pain. Pain of which is totally unnecessary.

Agreed IC. Lots of it.


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## BetrayedDad

PaloAlto70 said:


> then set me off on an investigative trail of what else happened?


LMAO, this forum cracks me up sometimes. "What else happened" you ask.....? 

The real question is, "How could it possibly be any worse?!?" Who cares what else?



PaloAlto70 said:


> Suggestions?


If you're still with her after all that, then your situation is unsalvageable.


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## VladDracul

BetrayedDad said:


> The real question is, "How could it possibly be any worse?!?"


Unless a donkey was brought into the office when the filming took place, I don't see how.


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## Primrose

Please tell me your wife and her AP are no longer working together. If they are, you can bet that this affair is still active.


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## Clay2013

"Ex Wife Made a porn during her affair and somehow someone sent it to her family and friends." Damn those internet trolls. 

Fixed your heading for you. I hope that helps.

C


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## Taxman

I had that concern, however, the AP and my client were in the same industry and basically were in the same circles. I believe that AP fully intended on humiliating my client, and ensured that it would happen. The current scuttlebutt is that the vids were directed to one of my client's colleagues . He, in turn, let my client see the vid. There was some question as to whether it was the wife or not, however, my client could identify several birth marks which pretty much sealed the deal. Brings me to my next point. Why in the name of all that is holy would people video intimate acts. To what end? You want porno, google will direct you to anything short of paedophilia and murder. Why futz around with, I am assuming, a cell phone in the middle of passion. Especially those in illicit affairs, really?


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## WasDecimated

Bibi1031 said:


> You will instantly feel more at ease if after 7 years of torture you kick her porn exposed ass out, and file for divorce!


:smthumbup: Divorce will seem quite liberating after years of being subjected to your WW's $hit!

Seriously, you will never get completely over this. This will be on your mind the rest of your life. Do you really want to live like this? I went through something similar. My divorce is now almost 5 years in my rear view mirror now. I'm glad I did it.


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## sokillme

Taxman said:


> I had that concern, however, the AP and my client were in the same industry and basically were in the same circles. I believe that AP fully intended on humiliating my client, and ensured that it would happen. The current scuttlebutt is that the vids were directed to one of my client's colleagues . He, in turn, let my client see the vid. There was some question as to whether it was the wife or not, however, my client could identify several birth marks which pretty much sealed the deal. Brings me to my next point. Why in the name of all that is holy would people video intimate acts. To what end? You want porno, google will direct you to anything short of paedophilia and murder. Why futz around with, I am assuming, a cell phone in the middle of passion. Especially those in illicit affairs, really?


This is a fundamental misunderstanding on her part. The guy wanted proof and a memento for his conquest of another man's wife. That is why he sent it to the husband too. I am sure the same holds true in OP's cases as well. Lots of these women don't get that. These guys are not into them so much as it is good for their ego to get another man's wife. They are a touchdown, or a hole in one. It's a score it doesn't have anything to do with emotion or love. 

Finding men like the guy she cheated with will be so easy. Finding a guy like her husband, a guy who is even willing to be with her still after her total betrayal, because he misguidedly loves her, finding that again will be impossible. 

This should be the punishment actually. She should only ever get to be with guys like the one she had an affair with. Guys who see her in the same terms as this guy did, a notch, 2 points. That to me is justice.


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## harrybrown

when do you get to have a threesome?

(with your wife taping you and two other lovely ladies that she convinced to help you)

has she stopped all contact or is she trying to let you know that she never stopped the A, because she could not give him up?


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## sokillme

WasDecimated said:


> :smthumbup: Divorce will seem quite liberating after years of being subjected to your WW's $hit!
> 
> Seriously, you will never get completely over this. This will be on your mind the rest of your life. Do you really want to live like this? I went through something similar. My divorce is now almost 5 years in my rear view mirror now. I'm glad I did it.


You can get over it if you divorce her and fall in love with someone else. It goes away then. The thing that gives it power is the love you feel for her. If you kill the love or really when you give that love to someone else the power is gone. Then it just because two ****ty people on a phone cam. It's a big reason why I am a big proponent of moving on. I lived this, not videos but emails about her and me with him. I didn't think I would ever get completely over it. Now I can laugh about it. It has no power over me at all, I don't care about it at all. Except you could say my desire to help others, but that is really more about knowing how it felt when I thought like this post that there was no hope to ever get over it. I am hear to tell you you can completely get over it and heal completely. 

I am sure of one thing, if hell froze over and we has stayed together I would never get over it.


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## thummper

I guess the thing that I can't grasp is that, after all the terrible betrayals she's admitted to, you're still with her! What the hell?!!!!!!!


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## sokillme

thummper said:


> I guess the thing that I can't grasp is that, after all the terrible betrayals she's admitted to, you're still with her! What the hell?!!!!!!!


Go read SI there are some BS whose WS could attempt to kill them and they would still be with them, and encouraging others that the signs look good for R. Dysfunction attracts dysfunction. Lots of BS don't know that they should expect better they have never had a good relationship, this is their only experience. Some are facing financial ruin. Or misguidedly think staying will help the kids. 

Lots of BS are with the type of people who could do that to them precisely because they have always shown that they were willing to be abused. The WS uses them as like a home base for their trist, the BS provides financial and emotional support. Make no mistake however BS get something out of it too. Again dysfunction attracts dysfunction.


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## samyeagar

BetrayedDad said:


> LMAO, this forum cracks me up sometimes. "What else happened" you ask.....?
> 
> The real question is, "How could it possibly be any worse?!?" Who cares what else?
> 
> 
> 
> If you're still with her after all that, then your situation is unsalvageable.


Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?


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## BetrayedDad

samyeagar said:


> Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?


Yeah, I'm sure she's a terrific wife otherwise...... Probably makes a mean tuna casserole.


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## skerzoid

I can understand why you stay Dude. She's a celebrity now. Seems appropriate:


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## Herschel

hope this isn't a fake post...


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## leon2100

you do "spin" a great fantasy.


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## SunCMars

marriageontherocks2 said:


> I probably need to take a break from TAM, the stories are just so awful, and it's almost all women destroying men. Tough to stomach honestly.


I have said that a hundred times. 

"We gotta get outah this place; if it's the last thing we ever do"!
.........................................................................................

But then......
@MattMatt threatens to kill my Red Dog.

I dare not tell him he is already dead. Torn to shreds by Harpies.

The sky blackened when they came, all living things went low or fled.
Red Dog is gone, except in my head.


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## CantBelieveThis

PaloAlto70 said:


> She proceeded to tell me that her lover also wanted to change her tampons for her, and that she allowed him to do this in the office and his apartment.


Wat da ...... big time counseling for everyone, AP included!

Sent from my BTV-W09 using Tapatalk


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## Loveless17

I'm absolutely speechless. Who does this? Also the AP could go to jail as revenge porn is a crime. Sounds like an attorney needs to get involved asap!


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## SunCMars

MJJEAN said:


> So, exactly *what could she possibly say* to "put your mind at ease"? Writing down the details in a coherent linear story won't change the details.


Say? 
Say is surgery.

The only cure for this betrayal is a frontal lobotomy for PaloAlto70.
And finding the biggest Indian in California to throw a sink through the window.

Him and you escape the Marital loony bin.
Him in his loin skins, you on his back. 
Hoopin' and hollerin', raisin' a din.


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## BobSimmons

Trying not to be salacious huh?


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## BobSimmons

leon2100 said:


> you do "spin" a great fantasy.


:|


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## TRy

PaloAlto70 said:


> In the days after the revelation, my wife wanted to come clean that she and her lover recorded some of their sexual encounters, both at his apartment and at the office. Photos and videos were made and although for years she was vague and euphemistic about them, my understanding is that her lover wanted photos of her with his cum on her face, following blowjobs; other videos may have been of blowjobs and of them having sex in an office chair, her on top of him, and him on top of her in his bed.


 Your wife's lover will forever have photos and videos of your wife "with his cum on her face, following blowjobs; other videos may have been of blowjobs and of them having sex in an office chair, her on top of him, and him on top of her in his bed", that he can use as trophies to show to others (and he will), and to use as personal porn to masturbate. She gave that part of her to him in a way that she can never take back. I for one could not stay with someone that did this. When it comes to sex with my spouse, I am not into sharing.


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## bandit.45

Okay...I'll bite.

How long ago did she tell you about her affair? Seven years ago or just recently?


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## MattMatt

SunCMars said:


> I have said that a hundred times.
> 
> "We gotta get outah this place; if it's the last thing we ever do"!
> .........................................................................................
> 
> But then......
> 
> @MattMatt threatens to kill my Red Dog.
> 
> I dare not tell him he is already dead. Torn to shreds by Harpies.
> 
> The sky blackened when they came, all living things went low or fled.
> Red Dog is gone, except in my head.


 @SunCMars Red Dog is safe. He was asleep behind the sofa.


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## Sports Fan

This is either a fake post or this guy needs some serious help!


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## chillymorn69

I had a friend ask if i would like to watch his home made porn once.

And i said [email protected]#* no!

Thats just werid pertent you never said that.


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## doconiram

Maybe she told you because she's trending on youporn or porntube or some other such site. Who knows, maybe she's close to being a recognizable star.


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## sokillme

Of course it's a fake post but it doesn't mean this doesn't happen. Maybe someone in the same situation is reading this.


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## TaDor

With cell phones and other recording devices, it is very easy to make porn videos. Even by yourself. So even if this post is fake such actions bye any and all cheaters are plausible. Does my wife's POSOM have video or pictures of her and them involving nudity or sex? Yes. Nothing worthy of putting on a porn site. 
As far as I know. I would expect all of today's cheaters to have video and photo trophies of their affair. Even if they use Snapchat. Especially the guys. I have nude photos and videos of a few dozen women in my past that involve nudity or sex. I have not really looked at them since I met my wife. But I still have them. Somewhere on a backup Drive. What few I have shared or posted have been with consent.

IMHO, very few cheaters will NOT have Visual Evidence in today's world.


----------



## MattMatt

MODETATOR MESSAGE

There is a rule against calling people out on TAM.

That is why we have a report button.

Besides which many here will remember Morituri who realised his wife was cheating on him when he accidentally found a video of his wife having sex with her lover.


----------



## PaloAlto70

Thanks to everyone ( well, most of you) for your thoughts and replies. I would like to respond to some of the questions and comments in the hopes of furthering the conversation.
First, this is not a fake post. This happened to me and I am living with it. I came here because I was hoping that perspectives from outside of my own head would help me see clear and shake off an intermittent cycle that plagues me to this day, seven years since I got the news I have shared with you here. All of you know how crazy-making being inside your own head can be in the midst of these experiences and I am seeking a bit of relief.
Many asked why I didn't divorce my wife, having learned about her affair and the gratuitous amateur porn and fetish indulgences that went with it. The short answer is that seven years ago our four sons were between the ages of 3 and 14. Four boys is a handful under the best of circumstances and there was no way at that moment that I would also blow up their world because my world had been turned upside down. The emotions were overwhelming and sometimes still are, but i couldn't bear to add to the chaos.
Also, in retrospect I was just kind of shocked and in a daze.
I didn't actually have time to tell the whole story in my first post. You see, unfortunately, I learned about the two year pornographic affair I described to you in the immediate aftermath of what was, it later turned out, a previous sexual encounter with another man. That one was partially acknowledged, we fought and made peace over it, and it felt as if we had turned the page and were more positive about one another than we had been in years. But there remained in my head a little tiny fragment of doubt that nagged, a sneaking suspicion that lingered, and six weeks after we "reconciled", on the day of my 40th birthday party, that little doubt turned into a big crack in the facade. The following day I learned that while I had spent the previous two months questioning and worried about one relatively brief betrayal, all along there had been another gigantic affair just beyond my sight. A total obsession that allowed for sexual adventures I could never imagine my evangelical and often squeamish wife could ever indulge. 
Imagine you are at an airfield and you are fixated on the student pilot struggling to land a small Cessna in heavy winds, while behind you a 747 is about to crash into a building. I apologize for the disturbing visuals and do not diminish the loss of lives in crashes. But that is the best way I can describe the one-two punch of shock and devastation.
And many of you understandably say - this is crazy why are you still there, I just ask you to imagine your sense of equilibrium in the aftermath of two crashes nearby, the shock of the 747 blowing up when you never saw it coming because your eyes were on the Cessna.
Someone posted that iPhone videos during office sex are no big deal and indeed there is so much out there on the net, but please also remember that the iPhone was only out for a year when this affair happened. Actually, my wife's colleague brought a little handicam and mini tripod to the office for the show. Knowing that it was planned that deliberately, not a moment of passion but a scheduled production of sorts has been really hard. And it took place several times.
Many betrayed husbands are plagued by intrusive thoughts and images, and for me this has been a particularly difficult experience because the "movie that plays out inside your head," really is a movie. The intrusive images actually exist. I have never seen them but they are somewhere I guess. 
My wife doesn't work with this man anymore, but they work in the same building, as it happens, a federal agency. That building - where their sensitive, difficult work brought them together - has come to represent so much because it is both the cause of the affair and the scene of the crime. It makes me crazy that it took her a long time to respond quickly to my texts and calls, disrespecting my need for safety. 
And despite dropping multiple bombshells on me: the passionate affair itself, the sexual acts she never repeated for me, the porn, the tampons, and all the little and big deceptions, and perhaps because of the rapid fire fact vomiting and the tumultuous investigation it sent me on, even to this day what nags me, what is missing for me, is a sense of a coherent, linear story that eliminates any additional questions and doubts. 
This is, as some have pointed out, strange. Wasn't it bad enough? Yes, of course it was. And yet, I am sharing with you my feelings as I am experiencing them today. This is where I am. And I don't know how to fully emerge, or whether it will always ache, sometimes more and sometimes less.


----------



## GusPolinski

PaloAlto70 said:


> Thanks to everyone ( well, most of you) for your thoughts and replies. I would like to respond to some of the questions and comments in the hopes of furthering the conversation.
> First, this is not a fake post. This happened to me and I am living with it. I came here because I was hoping that perspectives from outside of my own head would help me see clear and shake off an intermittent cycle that plagues me to this day, seven years since I got the news I have shared with you here. All of you know how crazy-making being inside your own head can be in the midst of these experiences and I am seeking a bit of relief.
> Many asked why I didn't divorce my wife, having learned about her affair and the gratuitous amateur porn and fetish indulgences that went with it. The short answer is that seven years ago our four sons were between the ages of 3 and 14. Four boys is a handful under the best of circumstances and there was no way at that moment that I would also blow up their world because my world had been turned upside down. The emotions were overwhelming and sometimes still are, but i couldn't bear to add to the chaos.
> Also, in retrospect I was just kind of shocked and in a daze.
> I didn't actually have time to tell the whole story in my first post. You see, unfortunately, I learned about the two year pornographic affair I described to you in the immediate aftermath of what was, it later turned out, a previous sexual encounter with another man. That one was partially acknowledged, we fought and made peace over it, and it felt as if we had turned the page and were more positive about one another than we had been in years. But there remained in my head a little tiny fragment of doubt that nagged, a sneaking suspicion that lingered, and six weeks after we "reconciled", on the day of my 40th birthday party, that little doubt turned into a big crack in the facade. The following day I learned that while I had spent the previous two months questioning and worried about one relatively brief betrayal, all along there had been another gigantic affair just beyond my sight. A total obsession that allowed for sexual adventures I could never imagine my evangelical and often squeamish wife could ever indulge.
> Imagine you are at an airfield and you are fixated on the student pilot struggling to land a small Cessna in heavy winds, while behind you a 747 is about to crash into a building. I apologize for the disturbing visuals and do not diminish the loss of lives in crashes. But that is the best way I can describe the one-two punch of shock and devastation.
> And many of you understandably say - this is crazy why are you still there, I just ask you to imagine your sense of equilibrium in the aftermath of two crashes nearby, the shock of the 747 blowing up when you never saw it coming because your eyes were on the Cessna.
> Someone posted that iPhone videos during office sex are no big deal and indeed there is so much out there on the net, but please also remember that the iPhone was only out for a year when this affair happened. Actually, my wife's colleague brought a little handicam and mini tripod to the office for the show. Knowing that it was planned that deliberately, not a moment of passion but a scheduled production of sorts has been really hard. And it took place several times.
> Many betrayed husbands are plagued by intrusive thoughts and images, and for me this has been a particularly difficult experience because the "movie that plays out inside your head," really is a movie. The intrusive images actually exist. I have never seen them but they are somewhere I guess.
> My wife doesn't work with this man anymore, but they work in the same building, as it happens, a federal agency. That building - where their sensitive, difficult work brought them together - has come to represent so much because it is both the cause of the affair and the scene of the crime. It makes me crazy that it took her a long time to respond quickly to my texts and calls, disrespecting my need for safety.
> And despite dropping multiple bombshells on me: the passionate affair itself, the sexual acts she never repeated for me, the porn, the tampons, and all the little and big deceptions, and perhaps because of the rapid fire fact vomiting and the tumultuous investigation it sent me on, even to this day what nags me, what is missing for me, is a sense of a coherent, linear story that eliminates any additional questions and doubts.
> This is, as some have pointed out, strange. Wasn't it bad enough? Yes, of course it was. And yet, I am sharing with you my feelings as I am experiencing them today. This is where I am. And I don't know how to fully emerge, or whether it will always ache, sometimes more and sometimes less.


Young children and a serially wayward wife?

DNA your kids.

Also, I hope you have a solid divorce plan in place, because serials don’t stop.

Also, different job but same building might as well be the same job.


----------



## MJJEAN

This is a fast phone post, so forgive me for being brief.

I've had many a fellow ask to video our escapades. Recording sex is as old as the camera itself and very common.

The sex acts described, frankly, aren't at all out there and are also common. I've had sex at various places of employment, various homes of friends, hotels, public places, etc. So that's also not out there, either.

Even the tampon isn't too out there. I've had two lovers who liked sex during menstruation and saw taking care of the tampon as a sexy thing to do.

I just don't see anything that screams troll because when I was a WW I did the same things. I just had the common sense not to do them with a colleague and refused to allow recording.

That said, the rest of the story goes like this. I kept having affairs because I had zero love or respect for my first husband. I stopped having affairs when I finally left him for an AP I couldn't live without.


----------



## VladDracul

I'm not sure what you're hoping to accomplish Palo. Your only options are to ditch her or continue to live with a woman who has zero respect for you and your marriage. There ain't a damn thing anybody can say that will change her and how she's crapped all over you. I've known too many women to even hint that with her track record, you won't be getting the same treatment in the days to come. History generally proves the best way to get rid of a problem is to get rid of the problem. It doesn't sound like you're ready to let her go, but rather just patch up your wounds and hope she doesn't do a repeat performance.


----------



## sokillme

PaloAlto70 said:


> Thanks to everyone ( well, most of you) for your thoughts and replies. I would like to respond to some of the questions and comments in the hopes of furthering the conversation.
> First, this is not a fake post. This happened to me and I am living with it. I came here because I was hoping that perspectives from outside of my own head would help me see clear and shake off an intermittent cycle that plagues me to this day, seven years since I got the news I have shared with you here. All of you know how crazy-making being inside your own head can be in the midst of these experiences and I am seeking a bit of relief.
> Many asked why I didn't divorce my wife, having learned about her affair and the gratuitous amateur porn and fetish indulgences that went with it. The short answer is that seven years ago our four sons were between the ages of 3 and 14. Four boys is a handful under the best of circumstances and there was no way at that moment that I would also blow up their world because my world had been turned upside down. The emotions were overwhelming and sometimes still are, but i couldn't bear to add to the chaos.
> Also, in retrospect I was just kind of shocked and in a daze.
> I didn't actually have time to tell the whole story in my first post. You see, unfortunately, I learned about the two year pornographic affair I described to you in the immediate aftermath of what was, it later turned out, a previous sexual encounter with another man. That one was partially acknowledged, we fought and made peace over it, and it felt as if we had turned the page and were more positive about one another than we had been in years. But there remained in my head a little tiny fragment of doubt that nagged, a sneaking suspicion that lingered, and six weeks after we "reconciled", on the day of my 40th birthday party, that little doubt turned into a big crack in the facade. The following day I learned that while I had spent the previous two months questioning and worried about one relatively brief betrayal, all along there had been another gigantic affair just beyond my sight. A total obsession that allowed for sexual adventures I could never imagine my evangelical and often squeamish wife could ever indulge.
> Imagine you are at an airfield and you are fixated on the student pilot struggling to land a small Cessna in heavy winds, while behind you a 747 is about to crash into a building. I apologize for the disturbing visuals and do not diminish the loss of lives in crashes. But that is the best way I can describe the one-two punch of shock and devastation.
> And many of you understandably say - this is crazy why are you still there, I just ask you to imagine your sense of equilibrium in the aftermath of two crashes nearby, the shock of the 747 blowing up when you never saw it coming because your eyes were on the Cessna.
> Someone posted that iPhone videos during office sex are no big deal and indeed there is so much out there on the net, but please also remember that the iPhone was only out for a year when this affair happened. Actually, my wife's colleague brought a little handicam and mini tripod to the office for the show. Knowing that it was planned that deliberately, not a moment of passion but a scheduled production of sorts has been really hard. And it took place several times.
> Many betrayed husbands are plagued by intrusive thoughts and images, and for me this has been a particularly difficult experience because the "movie that plays out inside your head," really is a movie. The intrusive images actually exist. I have never seen them but they are somewhere I guess.
> My wife doesn't work with this man anymore, but they work in the same building, as it happens, a federal agency. That building - where their sensitive, difficult work brought them together - has come to represent so much because it is both the cause of the affair and the scene of the crime. It makes me crazy that it took her a long time to respond quickly to my texts and calls, disrespecting my need for safety.
> And despite dropping multiple bombshells on me: the passionate affair itself, the sexual acts she never repeated for me, the porn, the tampons, and all the little and big deceptions, and perhaps because of the rapid fire fact vomiting and the tumultuous investigation it sent me on, even to this day what nags me, what is missing for me, is a sense of a coherent, linear story that eliminates any additional questions and doubts.
> This is, as some have pointed out, strange. Wasn't it bad enough? Yes, of course it was. And yet, I am sharing with you my feelings as I am experiencing them today. This is where I am. And I don't know how to fully emerge, or whether it will always ache, sometimes more and sometimes less.


I can't imagine it because there is no way in hell I would accept such a lousy deal for the rest of my life. Seriously dude get help to brake out of this nightmare. Your wife is never going to turn into the women you want her to be. That ship has sailed. Why have you settled for so little in your life, you still have agency, take it back. Bottom line man, your wife is just an *******. You trying to get comfort and understanding from someone who is just a jerk. 

3 books to read

No more Mr. Nice guy
Codependency no more
Human magnet syndrome

How could anyone really heal from this and try to stay married to this monster at the same time, what could you possibly see in a women like that to make a life with. There are literally hundreds of thousands of other women out there. Some desperate for nice guys and you are wasted on this person.

Read some of these it will give you some hope, start with post 8. You can still have a great life man, but this women is a bully and abusive to you, just like the husband who beats his wife. You need to open your eyes you are holding on to someone who is worthless when it comes to providing you with a good relationship and good life. Give up on her so you can find someone better. It's OK some times for things to end, there is a reason for that. You have to have winter to have spring.

One things for sure you story pushes all the buttons.


----------



## Rick Blaine

MJJEAN said:


> This is a fast phone post, so forgive me for being brief.
> 
> I've had many a fellow ask to video our escapades. Recording sex is as old as the camera itself and very common.
> 
> The sex acts described, frankly, aren't at all out there and are also common. I've had sex at various places of employment, various homes of friends, hotels, public places, etc. So that's also not out there, either.
> 
> Even the tampon isn't too out there. I've had two lovers who liked sex during menstruation and saw taking care of the tampon as a sexy thing to do.
> 
> I just don't see anything that screams troll because when I was a WW I did the same things. I just had the common sense not to do them with a colleague and refused to allow recording.
> 
> That said, the rest of the story goes like this. I kept having affairs because I had zero love or respect for my first husband. I stopped having affairs when I finally left him for an AP I couldn't live without.


Wow. Why didn't you divorce your husband first and then date? Your AP won a real prize.


----------



## David51

I’d be on “youporn.com” looking for her video


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## SunCMars

VladDracul said:


> Unless a donkey was brought into the office when the filming took place, I don't see how.


Gads,

Not 2 x 4's..

Nay, tis' 6 x 6's that come crashing down.

Along..... not the flanks, but the noggin'.


----------



## SunCMars

MJJEAN said:


> This is a fast phone post, so forgive me for being brief.
> 
> I've had many a fellow ask to video our escapades. Recording sex is as old as the camera itself and very common.
> 
> The sex acts described, frankly, aren't at all out there and are also common. I've had sex at various places of employment, various homes of friends, hotels, public places, etc. So that's also not out there, either.
> 
> Even the tampon isn't too out there. I've had two lovers who liked sex during menstruation and saw taking care of the tampon as a sexy thing to do.
> 
> I just don't see anything that screams troll because when I was a WW I did the same things. I just had the common sense not to do them with a colleague and refused to allow recording.
> 
> That said, the rest of the story goes like this. I kept having affairs because I had zero love or respect for my first husband. I stopped having affairs when I finally left him for an AP I couldn't live without.


Thanks for your honesty.

Thank you for....
Turning me inside, then out.

If a man or a women can imagine something today, it has happened in perpetuity and in triplicate.
In triplicate, on the same day, in different parts of the world, different 'stations' in life, on this track we call life.

On workplace sex:

Having been a supervisor in medium to large industrial settings, I have witnessed this behavior by 'others'.
By my subordinates, by my colleagues. Notably, on afternoon and on the 'graveyard' shifts.

Men and women of lonely roots, bitter roots, will find the darkest corners, the quietest alcoves.
Even on the roof, under the most loveliest of Moons.

Pressing their loins together, their tongues a'slather. For a moment of bliss, in this world so cruel.
The act of copulation is common, the place and the time is Art.


----------



## MJJEAN

Rick Blaine said:


> Wow. Why didn't you divorce your husband first and then date? Your AP won a real prize.


Long story broken down to a few sentences, I was a teenage mother, married my baby's father to "do the right thing", had no job training, no education, no car, zero friends or family who could help, local state aid is a joke.

My former AP/now DH and I will be celebrating 18 years as a couple and 14 years married in December. We're happy.

That all said, this is about OP. I made my post hoping to help OP. First by pointing out that what he describes isn't as far-fetched as some of the less adventurous or sheltered folk seem to think. Second, to give him the perspective of a WS and to let him know that the way he describes his wife's behavior indicates to me based on my own experiences, what I have observed irl, and what I have seen on forums like these, she will very likely continue cheating on him until he leaves, she does, or she gets too old to bother anymore.


----------



## Satya

I can appreciate not wanting to "blow up" your boys' worlds. I can appreciate shock and being in "deer in headlights" mode.

But there comes a point where rational thought comes back. Your children may not be better off having a father who is obviously distrustful of his wife, damaged by her deeds, and constantly "not himself." Children are incredibly perceptive, because that's what they develop and act on first - feelings.

They will learn to emulate you. They will look upon your relationship as normal. It's normal for daddy to be sad all the time, to hesitate being affectionate with mommy, and to have moments of blow up because he's angry about _something... _

She's untrustworthy, unremorseful, and unloving. She's selfish and did not seem to suffer many consequences.


----------



## Malaise

Satya said:


> I can appreciate not wanting to "blow up" your boys' worlds. I can appreciate shock and being in "deer in headlights" mode.
> 
> But there comes a point where rational thought comes back. Your children may not be better off having a father who is obviously distrustful of his wife, damaged by her deeds, and constantly "not himself." Children are incredibly perceptive, because that's what they develop and act on first - feelings.
> 
> They will learn to emulate you. They will look upon your relationship as normal. It's normal for daddy to be sad all the time, to hesitate being affectionate with mommy, and to have moments of blow up because he's angry about _something... _
> 
> She's untrustworthy, unremorseful, and unloving. She's selfish and did not seem to suffer many consequences.


And the next time she cheats the boys will be older and able to understand why you have decided to divorce her THIS time.

And they'll ask you why you lived with the shame of a cheating wife for so long you'll respond " For you boys".

And they'll lose respect for you for having no respect for yourself.

And , maybe, become angry because you put the onus on them.


----------



## SunCMars

MJJEAN said:


> Long story broken down to a few sentences, I was a teenage mother, married my baby's father to "do the right thing", had no job training, no education, no car, zero friends or family who could help, local state aid is a joke.
> 
> My former AP/now DH and I will be celebrating 18 years as a couple and 14 years married in December. We're happy.
> 
> That all said, this is about OP. I made my post hoping to help OP. First by pointing out that what he describes isn't as far-fetched as some of the less adventurous or sheltered folk seem to think. Second, to give him the perspective of a WS and to let him know that the way he describes his wife's behavior indicates to me based on my own experiences, what I have observed irl, and what I have seen on forums like these, she will very likely continue cheating on him until he leaves, she does, *or she gets too old to bother anymore.*


*
*

Too old, too old.

The part that I hate, the part that I die, a day at a time, fighting.

OP is youngish. He should just make up his mind.
Do I stay or do I go?....

Time is killing him one day at a time.
Whether he stays or whether he goes.

Just Sayin'


----------



## Lostinthought61

So some of this was filmed in a federal office, please please tell me that you went to the authorities on him what he did was legal...and could and should have been asserted...dod you do any exposing of this ? i'm sorry i get it you stayed for the kids but what point do you say enough is enough...she is a serial cheater.


----------



## Taxman

If I were you, sir, I would inform the porn princess that when your youngest reaches age of majority, you will be taking your ball and bat and leaving her sorry ass. At that time the impact will be even greater. I would point out to her that she will be much older, dried up and not extremely attractive. Let her know that each time she hooks up with a new man, they will get her home movies. (Yes, I am that nasty when I want). Let her know that you have been massively unhappy trying to digest the sh!t sandwich she made for you, but your next lover will be younger, prettier and won't go off and make movies of her getting fu(ked at work. Wish her a lonely long existence, and a fu(k you very much.


----------



## bandit.45

I ask again, when were you told about this second affair? Seven years ago, or did the affair happen seven years ago and you just recently found out. 

Also, what are you wanting from us: guidance, opinion, or just shoulders to cry on? What made you decide to come to share this story with us?


----------



## PaloAlto70

Bandit45, I am sorry I wasn't clear. I learned about one betrayal and the other, long term affair, within about 45 minutes of one another. I had suspicions about the first betrayal for approximately 6-8 weeks, which nagged me and I pursued, not realizing that what I suspected paled in comparison with the other longer betrayal. Both confessions were delivered within about 45 minutes of one another, seven years ago. I barely think about the first betrayal because my mind tends to become occupied with the far longer second one. But there is no question that learning about the far bigger betrayal through the lens of having chased down the first betrayal has impacted my reactions.
Another poster asked why I am here. I wanted to ask betrayed husbands how they dealt with memories and images that keep coming back even years after the fact. Because short of leaving the family, I have no other solutions to managing the emotional flooding that occurs intermittently. Although predictably triggered by places and words and other memorable cues. Seeing even R rated movie sex now can be troubling, whereas before I was a normal guy.


----------



## Taxman

OP, you must make some decisions. She is not all in on this reconciliation, never was, never will be. So, will you live the rest of your life with an unrepentant *****? Some men can. It would drive me crazy. She will always have one over on you. So, what do you do? I would take her gently, and tell her that once your youngest is 18, you will be seeking a divorce. In that way, you are no longer a parent, and you will not be blowing up your children's lives. You will also not be responsible for child support. If there is disparity in your earnings, it will be addressed. 

Now, remember, you will be an older man coming out of a bad marriage. There are a lot of older and not so older women out there that would be interested in a FAITHFUL and loving man who has footprints on his back from his harpy ex wayward wife. You should not have too many problems securing a mate or playing the field. Her, on the other hand is used up, not 20, 30 or even 40 anymore. Her attraction will be to much older and given her background much seedier men. Wish her good luck with her future venereal diseases.


----------



## samyeagar

PaloAlto70 said:


> Bandit45, I am sorry I wasn't clear. I learned about one betrayal and the other, long term affair, within about 45 minutes of one another. I had suspicions about the first betrayal for approximately 6-8 weeks, which nagged me and I pursued, not realizing that what I suspected paled in comparison with the other longer betrayal. Both confessions were delivered within about 45 minutes of one another, seven years ago. I barely think about the first betrayal because my mind tends to become occupied with the far longer second one. But there is no question that learning about the far bigger betrayal through the lens of having chased down the first betrayal has impacted my reactions.
> Another poster asked why I am here. I wanted to ask *betrayed husbands how they dealt with memories and images that keep coming back* even years after the fact. Because short of leaving the family, I have no other solutions to managing the emotional flooding that occurs intermittently. Although predictably triggered by places and words and other memorable cues. Seeing even R rated movie sex now can be troubling, whereas before I was a normal guy.


By divorcing before they have a chance to keep coming back.


----------



## sandcastle

PaloAlto70 said:


> Another poster asked why I am here. I wanted to ask betrayed husbands how they dealt with memories and images that keep coming back even years after the fact.


It sounds that the general "betrayed husband" consensus is-

DUMP HER- And then MAYBE the "memories and images that keep coming back even years after the fact" fade because you don't have to see her cheating face everyday?



Out of sight , out of mind kinda thing?

Logical?


----------



## SunCMars

sandcastle said:


> It sounds that the general "betrayed husband" consensus is-
> 
> DUMP HER- And then MAYBE the "memories and images that keep coming back even years after the fact" fade because you don't have to see her cheating face everyday?
> 
> 
> 
> *Out of sight , out of mind kinda thing?
> *
> Logical?


From her perfumed vantaged point-
She did the deeds:
Out of slight, [out of unkind] mind things.

She got her Jollies. Gawd, they felt good.
You got her. 
You got the shared memories, not the real deal.
You got the raw deal.

She dealt you 'Snake Eyes'.
Only the eyes. POSOM got the tongue.

POSOM got these wondrous Jollies for two years.
And now you get a lifetime of salty tears.


----------



## SunCMars

A side note:

Why in God's name did she detail her infidelity?
She just should have admitted that she had two affairs.

One... short.
Two... long.

Her Wayward horn blasting three toots......tut, tooot, tooot, not a Symphony of Sin, of Debauchery.
Telling the details is especially cruel. One that invites like in-kind gruel.

Gruel served cold.
On a cold morning.
Fog on the bay.
Frost on the window pane.

A simple note, saying this trifle: "I am no longer here. Have not been for years."


----------



## sandcastle

SunCMars said:


> She dealt you 'Snake Eyes'.
> Only the eyes. POSOM got the tongue.
> 
> POSOM got these wondrous Jollies for two years.
> And now you get a lifetime of salty tears.


Yep. Pretty much sums up this sordid tale.

Go Cardinals!


----------



## sandcastle

SunCMars said:


> A side note:
> 
> Why in God's name did she detail her infidelity?
> She just should have admitted that she had two affairs.
> 
> One... short.
> Two... long.
> 
> Her Wayward horn blasting three toots......tut, tooot, tooot, not a Symphony of Sin, of Debauchery.
> Telling the details is especially cruel. One that invites like in-kind gruel.
> 
> Gruel served cold.
> On a cold morning.
> Fog on the bay.
> Frost on the window pane.
> 
> A simple note, saying this trifle: "I am no longer here. Have not been for years."


Seriously- the poor guy probably could have done without the lovely tampon deets.

This woman either has a vivid imagination or is just a mean , cheating beeyatch . And definately not a good mommie.


----------



## sokillme

Why does it seem that only women who cheat do this kind of over the top stuff? You never read about wives doing it. Over and over it seems like the BS wishes he to have the fun the AP did.


----------



## SunCMars

sokillme said:


> Why does it seem that only women who cheat do this kind of over the top stuff? You never read about wives doing it. *Over and over it seems like the BS wishes he to have the fun the AP did.*


Do you blame them? These betrayed men.

A revenge affair is touted as inappropriate.
As lowering oneself to the level of the WW.
The BH would then lose his dignity and his moral edge over the WW.

But, is that not appeasing the good folks.
And sparing the she-devil? 

Justice served is justice delivered by the wounded party.
Not The State, not left to Fate.


----------



## sokillme

SunCMars said:


> Do you blame them? These betrayed men.
> 
> A revenge affair is touted as inappropriate.
> As lowering oneself to the level of the WW.
> The BH would then lose his dignity and his moral edge over the WW.
> 
> But, is that not appeasing the good folks.
> And sparing the she-devil?
> 
> Justice served is justice delivered by the wounded party.
> Not The State, not left to Fate.


No I don't blame them at all. My point was it's sad that the husband or wife feels like the affair partner got the best of their spouse and in a lot of cases it's true.


----------



## Young at Heart

Dear PaloAlto70;

You clearly are not good at establishing boundaries with your W. Boundaries need to be set prior to problems.

If you want to stay married to this "woman" you need some professional help in establishing some boundaries for her behavior and in the consequences of if she crosses them.

To me, she would have crossed marriage killing boundaries a long time ago. Have you asked her what she is going to do and what she is going to say when her sex tapes get leaked to the internet and some of your kids classmates find them and realize who it is? 

Again, if you want to stay with her, set some boundaries. Tell he she is not be be sexual with anyone besides you, that she is not to put herself in potentially compromising positions. Tell her that her behavior reflects not only on her, but on your children and you. That if she doesn't value her reputation she should value that of you and her children. 

Good luck and seek professional help.


----------



## BobSimmons

sokillme said:


> Of course it's a fake post but it doesn't mean this doesn't happen. Maybe someone in the same situation is reading this.


This always fascinates me, so if it is a fake post made up by someone making up the story and the subsequent answers it's ok because it may help someone? I kind of agree but still find it a bit bizarre.


----------



## Chaparral

Your wife admitted to two affairs. She qualifies as a serial cheater. Did she go to individual counseling to see what is wrong with her? It’s often said serial cheaters can’t quit. What have you done to keep tabs on her? There is no way she can be trusted.

You need counseling for infidelity PTSD. Find a counselor that is strongly experienced in EMDR therapy. That should help you. I retry much doubt your wife can be helped. Was she abused as a child?


----------



## SunCMars

Posts like this make me sad.

It shows forth the worst in Mankind, especially women.
Not that men are not 'just as culpable' Cads.

But, as a man it hits home, strikes at the heart of manly egos.

What also makes me sad.....
Women do scant service on these posts.
The read them....word for word.
They see the responses, the angry male vitriole.
They see it.

They see the pain that the BH feels.
They see the sharp push back from male writers.
They see the 'dump em' remarks and some may shudder...others squirm with delight. At the plight of those with the fleshy stick.

Those with the fleshy stick getting the poke in the eye. While the wayward, that lucky devil, gets pokes and caressess from dawn to dusk.

What makes me sad is the lack of feminine outrage on these posts. Equal to men.
Oh, we get a few responses, mostly short, mostly on target.
Few with unbridled rage.
They save that for the betrayed wives. The wives whose husbands are catting around, pumping some floozy while being cold and mean to her.

I guess this is normal.
And that makes me sad.
Women make better consolers. They just do.


----------



## alexm

PaloAlto70 said:


> Because short of leaving the family, I have no other solutions to managing the emotional flooding that occurs intermittently. Although predictably triggered by places and words and other memorable cues. Seeing even R rated movie sex now can be troubling, whereas before I was a normal guy.


That's really the only solution, unfortunately.

Look, nobody wants to get divorced. Nobody wants to break apart a family - I get that. But it's also not the end of the world. The thing with a divorce is that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. With something like what you're going through, there... isn't.

I'm almost 10 years removed from a divorce. Ex wife left for an OM. I didn't even know about the OM until 3-4 months after the fact, and it had been going on for ~2 years. I had two d-days. I have since re-married, am now happy, yet every now and again, my mind still goes there. Luckily, I didn't see anything that haunts me or causes 'mind movies', but just knowing that there was an OM during the last 2 years of my marriage. Ugh. Worse, knowing that while I was having a breakdown at the ending of my marriage and trying to pick up the pieces, my ex wife was screwing some other dude. Double Ugh.

Divorce is not a happy thing, but sometimes it's a GOOD thing. Most people want to "stay together for the kids", but kids grow up, move out, start their own lives. Kids are also resilient. They probably already have friends who have divorced parents.

IMO, it's no less traumatic for a child to have his or her parents divorce when they're 10 years old or 25. Even though they don't live there any more, and aren't dependent on their parents, they still have this notion that their parents will be together forever.


----------



## alexm

BobSimmons said:


> This always fascinates me, so if it is a fake post made up by someone making up the story and the subsequent answers it's ok because it may help someone? I kind of agree but still find it a bit bizarre.


It's never a waste of time if it helps someone.

That's the thing about troll posts - they think they wasted everyone's time, when in fact, that's not the case. Just because you're not helping the OP doesn't mean it hasn't helped, or will help, someone else.

Troll posts on a site like this are pointless, really. If somebody gets off by pulling the wool over people's eyes, there's not much I can say about that. But a place like this, where real people are looking for real help - well, this could be it, or at least contribute to it.

The OP may be fake, but the responses are real. Kind of defeats the purpose of trolling, no?


----------



## PaloAlto70

MattMatt said:


> @PaloAlto70 Why the confession now?
> 
> Has your wife undergone counselling? Some counsellors would fit in at TAM fairly well, they believe only full disclosure works.
> 
> Is your wife still a colleague of her former affair partner?


Matt Matt, I was using the android app of this forum previously which didn't allow me for some reason to reply to posts, only to write a new post. Now using desktop mode. The answer to your two questions is:
- still in same building as AP, no longer same job. This doesn't satisfy me but I also apply far greater scrutiny now, obviously.
- therapist, therapy : she went in the immediate aftermath and therapist focused on her needs and helping her cope with my reactions. We also saw a person together. I saw a therapist solo too. I know that many benefit from talk therapy and counseling and indeed the mere act of talking offers relief. But I am here today because after seven years, the mind slate isn't clean. And maybe that's not a realistic goal.


----------



## PaloAlto70

alexm said:


> That's really the only solution, unfortunately.
> 
> Look, nobody wants to get divorced. Nobody wants to break apart a family - I get that. But it's also not the end of the world. The thing with a divorce is that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. With something like what you're going through, there... isn't.
> 
> I'm almost 10 years removed from a divorce. Ex wife left for an OM. I didn't even know about the OM until 3-4 months after the fact, and it had been going on for ~2 years. I had two d-days. I have since re-married, am now happy, yet every now and again, my mind still goes there. Luckily, I didn't see anything that haunts me or causes 'mind movies', but just knowing that there was an OM during the last 2 years of my marriage. Ugh. Worse, knowing that while I was having a breakdown at the ending of my marriage and trying to pick up the pieces, my ex wife was screwing some other dude. Double Ugh.
> 
> Divorce is not a happy thing, but sometimes it's a GOOD thing. Most people want to "stay together for the kids", but kids grow up, move out, start their own lives. Kids are also resilient. They probably already have friends who have divorced parents.
> 
> IMO, it's no less traumatic for a child to have his or her parents divorce when they're 10 years old or 25. Even though they don't live there any more, and aren't dependent on their parents, they still have this notion that their parents will be together forever.


Thank you. I appreciate the thoughtful reply and noticed your earlier post on this thread as well.


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## SunCMars

PaloAlto70 said:


> Seeing even R rated movie sex now can be troubling, whereas before I was a normal guy.


You will always be a normal man. Normal, but wounded.
You will never be a normal husband....with this women.

Luckily, for the rest of husband-land, she is abnormal.
Not as a women, as a wife.

You will be a normal husband when you unhook from this, uh, loose cannon.
She allowed strange men to pull her cannon kocker, attached to the cannon fodder, the Tampon.

Please hurry up and dump her. I am tired of painting this loose Moose dropping.

Just Sayin'


----------



## TDSC60

PaloAlto70 said:


> Matt Matt, I was using the android app of this forum previously which didn't allow me for some reason to reply to posts, only to write a new post. Now using desktop mode. The answer to your two questions is:
> - still in same building as AP, no longer same job. This doesn't satisfy me but I also apply far greater scrutiny now, obviously.
> - therapist, therapy : s*he went in the immediate aftermath and therapist focused on her needs and helping her cope with my reactions. *We also saw a person together. I saw a therapist solo too. I know that many benefit from talk therapy and counseling and indeed the mere act of talking offers relief. But I am here today because after seven years, the mind slate isn't clean. And maybe that's not a realistic goal.


This is my problem with individual counselling. Lots of times the counsellor focuses on the needs of the individual and not the marriage or the betrayed spouse. To me that is a problem. They want everyone to accept what has happened and sweep the consequences under the rug. Obviously not a good thing as we see here. OP is still suffering after seven years.

OP what did your wife do to help you after you found out? Apologize? Be more open? Recommit to the marriage?


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## MattMatt

PaloAlto70 said:


> Matt Matt, I was using the android app of this forum previously which didn't allow me for some reason to reply to posts, only to write a new post. Now using desktop mode. The answer to your two questions is:
> - still in same building as AP, no longer same job. This doesn't satisfy me but I also apply far greater scrutiny now, obviously.
> - therapist, therapy : she went in the immediate aftermath and therapist focused on her needs and helping her cope with my reactions. We also saw a person together. I saw a therapist solo too. I know that many benefit from talk therapy and counseling and indeed the mere act of talking offers relief. But I am here today because after seven years, the mind slate isn't clean. And maybe that's not a realistic goal.


 @PaloAlto70 Another member, @morituri, went through something similar. He actually saw a video of his wife with her AP.

He had counselling including an NLP technique to help minimise the impact of what he had seen.

It worked for him and I suggest that a similar treatment course might be of benefit to you.

He left his wife, so the situation was different in that respect.


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## bandit.45

PaloAlto70 said:


> Bandit45, I am sorry I wasn't clear. I learned about one betrayal and the other, long term affair, within about 45 minutes of one another. I had suspicions about the first betrayal for approximately 6-8 weeks, which nagged me and I pursued, not realizing that what I suspected paled in comparison with the other longer betrayal. Both confessions were delivered within about 45 minutes of one another, seven years ago. I barely think about the first betrayal because my mind tends to become occupied with the far longer second one. But there is no question that learning about the far bigger betrayal through the lens of having chased down the first betrayal has impacted my reactions.
> 
> _*But the core issue here is that your wife was, and perhaps still is, a serial cheater. You rug-swept the issue and never got the proper counseling for the trauma she inflicted on you. She never paid any kind of consequence for what she did to you, and she was allowed to go merrily on with her life while you suffered. That is one reason you are here today.
> *_
> 
> Another poster asked why I am here. I wanted to ask betrayed husbands how they dealt with memories and images that keep coming back even years after the fact. Because short of leaving the family, I have no other solutions to managing the emotional flooding that occurs intermittently. Although predictably triggered by places and words and other memorable cues. Seeing even R rated movie sex now can be troubling, whereas before I was a normal guy.
> 
> 
> _*You are suffering the long term after-effects of PTSD. Just like a soldier who came back from a bloody violent war and never got proper psychiatric counseling, you are stuck in a limbo with these traumatic images torturing your mind. You need counseling and help from a counselor who specializes in PTSD. And in my opinion you need to rid yourself of that dead weight you call your wife.*_


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## Talker67

sounds like the classic Madonna/Wh*re complex. She seems chaste and prim at home, but while with her cheating mate, she does the most perverted sex acts.

Not sure if that is helpful, but there might be an actual therapy designed to fix this...maybe talk to a real psychiatrist.


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## harrybrown

MJJEAN said:


> Long story broken down to a few sentences, I was a teenage mother, married my baby's father to "do the right thing", had no job training, no education, no car, zero friends or family who could help, local state aid is a joke.
> 
> My former AP/now DH and I will be celebrating 18 years as a couple and 14 years married in December. We're happy.
> 
> That all said, this is about OP. I made my post hoping to help OP. First by pointing out that what he describes isn't as far-fetched as some of the less adventurous or sheltered folk seem to think. Second, to give him the perspective of a WS and to let him know that the way he describes his wife's behavior indicates to me based on my own experiences, what I have observed irl, and what I have seen on forums like these, she will very likely continue cheating on him until he leaves, she does, or she gets too old to bother anymore.


So how is your first husband? OUCH!


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## MJJEAN

harrybrown said:


> So how is your first husband? OUCH!


Last I heard, he and his wife just got custody of one of their kids back, are both on probation for a felony child neglect conviction, and just lost the house his dad bought him because he hasn't maintained employment since...ever, really, and his now widowed mom can't afford his bills anymore.


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## PhillyGuy13

I’m skeptical that any amount of therapy or counseling or time will ever allow you to be at peace with her behavior. 

You’ve been married what 20+ years now? Just two quick affairs 7 years ago? I doubt those are the only two but only she knows.

The boys are older now and can withstand their parents splitting up. I would begin to get an exit plan together.


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## doconiram

Just my .02.

Staying together for the kids is not healthy. Children are not blind, raising them in a loveless home with issues is not a healthy example of normalcy. Do not teach them to put up with this kind of abuse from a spouse. show them a better path by making a better life for yourself.


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## TAMAT

PaloAlto,

You wrote, *But I can't get over it, not the actual sex acts, but her inability to tell a coherent linear story that finally puts my mind at ease. Suggestions?*

1) Have her write out a timeline for everything she did, tell her to include everything she hasn't told and an to omit nothing.

2) Use her timeline as a basis for a polygraph, she will fight you on this, but be firm. Expect to get a parking lot confession.

3) You need to go back and expose both OMs to their spouses, families, church, linkedin, hr, facebook, complete and sudden without warnings or threats.

Have you ever confronted the OMs?

The OM is a predator and needs to be taken down. I suspect the OM has gotten through this without a scratch.

Tamat


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## David51

VladDracul said:


> That's why I write out "betrayed spouse". If I use "BS", I mean entirely something else, as in this case.




Thank you, not all of us know what all the AP, BS, WW etc mean


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## David51

VladDracul said:


> Unless a donkey was brought into the office when the filming took place, I don't see how.




Best laugh I have had all week...your post is a hoot



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## David51

MJJEAN said:


> This is a fast phone post, so forgive me for being brief.
> 
> 
> 
> I've had many a fellow ask to video our escapades. Recording sex is as old as the camera itself and very common.
> 
> 
> 
> The sex acts described, frankly, aren't at all out there and are also common. I've had sex at various places of employment, various homes of friends, hotels, public places, etc. So that's also not out there, either.
> 
> 
> 
> Even the tampon isn't too out there. I've had two lovers who liked sex during menstruation and saw taking care of the tampon as a sexy thing to do.
> 
> 
> 
> I just don't see anything that screams troll because when I was a WW I did the same things. I just had the common sense not to do them with a colleague and refused to allow recording.
> 
> 
> 
> That said, the rest of the story goes like this. I kept having affairs because I had zero love or respect for my first husband. I stopped having affairs when I finally left him for an AP I couldn't live without.




Sherry Jean.....it that you baby?.........am kidding. 
The resentment in the home is probably so thick you can cut it with a knife. Hard to imagine the children not being affected. Kids know when something iswrong between mom and dad. Thinking they don’t is silly. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt

*MODERATOR WARNING:-*

Members who post attacks on other members for being suspected trolls in direct contravention of the TAM rules are under notice that action may be taken against them without any further notice or warning being given. There is a report button, please use that.

Also, members who post obscene comments should also be aware that such posts are against the TAM posting rules and that further action will be considered if this occurs. 

And please try to keep this, and other threads, for that matter, on topic.


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## GusPolinski

PaloAlto70 said:


> Matt Matt, I was using the android app of this forum previously which didn't allow me for some reason to reply to posts, only to write a new post. Now using desktop mode. The answer to your two questions is:
> - still in same building as AP, no longer same job. This doesn't satisfy me but I also apply far greater scrutiny now, obviously.
> - therapist, therapy : she went in the immediate aftermath and *therapist focused on her needs and helping her cope with my reactions.* We also saw a person together. I saw a therapist solo too. I know that many benefit from talk therapy and counseling and indeed the mere act of talking offers relief. But I am here today because after seven years, the mind slate isn't clean. And maybe that's not a realistic goal.


That must have been so traumatic for her.

(Insert eyeroll here.)


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## ABHale

PaloAlto70 said:


> Thanks to everyone ( well, most of you) for your thoughts and replies. I would like to respond to some of the questions and comments in the hopes of furthering the conversation.
> First, this is not a fake post. This happened to me and I am living with it. I came here because I was hoping that perspectives from outside of my own head would help me see clear and shake off an intermittent cycle that plagues me to this day, seven years since I got the news I have shared with you here. All of you know how crazy-making being inside your own head can be in the midst of these experiences and I am seeking a bit of relief.
> Many asked why I didn't divorce my wife, having learned about her affair and the gratuitous amateur porn and fetish indulgences that went with it. The short answer is that seven years ago our four sons were between the ages of 3 and 14. Four boys is a handful under the best of circumstances and there was no way at that moment that I would also blow up their world because my world had been turned upside down. The emotions were overwhelming and sometimes still are, but i couldn't bear to add to the chaos.
> Also, in retrospect I was just kind of shocked and in a daze.
> I didn't actually have time to tell the whole story in my first post. You see, unfortunately, I learned about the two year pornographic affair I described to you in the immediate aftermath of what was, it later turned out, a previous sexual encounter with another man. That one was partially acknowledged, we fought and made peace over it, and it felt as if we had turned the page and were more positive about one another than we had been in years. But there remained in my head a little tiny fragment of doubt that nagged, a sneaking suspicion that lingered, and six weeks after we "reconciled", on the day of my 40th birthday party, that little doubt turned into a big crack in the facade. The following day I learned that while I had spent the previous two months questioning and worried about one relatively brief betrayal, all along there had been another gigantic affair just beyond my sight. A total obsession that allowed for sexual adventures I could never imagine my evangelical and often squeamish wife could ever indulge.
> Imagine you are at an airfield and you are fixated on the student pilot struggling to land a small Cessna in heavy winds, while behind you a 747 is about to crash into a building. I apologize for the disturbing visuals and do not diminish the loss of lives in crashes. But that is the best way I can describe the one-two punch of shock and devastation.
> And many of you understandably say - this is crazy why are you still there, I just ask you to imagine your sense of equilibrium in the aftermath of two crashes nearby, the shock of the 747 blowing up when you never saw it coming because your eyes were on the Cessna.
> Someone posted that iPhone videos during office sex are no big deal and indeed there is so much out there on the net, but please also remember that the iPhone was only out for a year when this affair happened. Actually, my wife's colleague brought a little handicam and mini tripod to the office for the show. Knowing that it was planned that deliberately, not a moment of passion but a scheduled production of sorts has been really hard. And it took place several times.
> Many betrayed husbands are plagued by intrusive thoughts and images, and for me this has been a particularly difficult experience because the "movie that plays out inside your head," really is a movie. The intrusive images actually exist. I have never seen them but they are somewhere I guess.
> My wife doesn't work with this man anymore, but they work in the same building, as it happens, a federal agency. That building - where their sensitive, difficult work brought them together - has come to represent so much because it is both the cause of the affair and the scene of the crime. It makes me crazy that it took her a long time to respond quickly to my texts and calls, disrespecting my need for safety.
> And despite dropping multiple bombshells on me: the passionate affair itself, the sexual acts she never repeated for me, the porn, the tampons, and all the little and big deceptions, and perhaps because of the rapid fire fact vomiting and the tumultuous investigation it sent me on, even to this day what nags me, what is missing for me, is a sense of a coherent, linear story that eliminates any additional questions and doubts.
> This is, as some have pointed out, strange. Wasn't it bad enough? Yes, of course it was. And yet, I am sharing with you my feelings as I am experiencing them today. This is where I am. And I don't know how to fully emerge, or whether it will always ache, sometimes more and sometimes less.


You talk about staying for your sons?

What a fu’d up example you are setting for them. What until they see mommy on the internet one day and know you stayed.


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## ABHale

PaloAlto70 said:


> Bandit45, I am sorry I wasn't clear. I learned about one betrayal and the other, long term affair, within about 45 minutes of one another. I had suspicions about the first betrayal for approximately 6-8 weeks, which nagged me and I pursued, not realizing that what I suspected paled in comparison with the other longer betrayal. Both confessions were delivered within about 45 minutes of one another, seven years ago. I barely think about the first betrayal because my mind tends to become occupied with the far longer second one. But there is no question that learning about the far bigger betrayal through the lens of having chased down the first betrayal has impacted my reactions.
> Another poster asked why I am here. I wanted to ask betrayed husbands how they dealt with memories and images that keep coming back even years after the fact. Because short of leaving the family, I have no other solutions to managing the emotional flooding that occurs intermittently. Although predictably triggered by places and words and other memorable cues. Seeing even R rated movie sex now can be troubling, whereas before I was a normal guy.


Is your wife still work at the same place as the other man? If so, you are being triggered by the thought they are still effn each other’s brains out. 

What happened afterwards, did you just rug sweep the entire mind blowing sex scandal?

Don’t think there is anything that can help you. With what you posted it sounds like you did nothing to fix what had happened. You let your wife continue on as nothing happened. 

You caused your problem by burning your head in the sand and hoped if would all go away. I just hope your boys have a stronger back bone then you when they get older.


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## MattMatt

How on earth could they get and keep security clearance seeing as they were both opening themselves up to the risk of blackmail? 

The mind boggles!


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## 269370

I don’t have trouble following the tampon part of the story etc but the fact that sex videos were made in a ‘governmental agency building’ I find more difficult to follow. Did they take being ‘under cover(s) agents’ job designations perhaps a little too literally?

Don’t they have cameras everywhere in governmental buildings everywhere anyway? Why bother bringing your own?

There is no ‘coming to terms’ with it and you sound much too level headed/descriptive for someone who had a bunch of ‘planes crashing into their buildings’ etc although I appreciate it may have happened 7 years ago. Still the time to leave was 7 years ago.
Children eventually understand and are more resilient than we give them credit in those types of situations.
Hope you work out whatever issues you are going through.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt

inmyprime said:


> I don’t have trouble following the tampon part of the story etc but the fact that sex videos were made in a ‘governmental agency building’ I find more difficult to follow. Did they take being ‘under cover(s) agents’ job designations perhaps a little too literally?
> 
> Don’t they have cameras everywhere in governmental buildings everywhere anyway? Why bother bringing your own?
> 
> There is no ‘coming to terms’ with it and you sound much too level headed/descriptive for someone who had a bunch of ‘planes crashing into their buildings’ etc although I appreciate it may have happened 7 years ago. Still the time to leave was 7 years ago.
> Children eventually understand and are more resilient than we give them credit in those types of situations.
> Hope you work out whatever issues you are going through.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I heard of a similar incident taking place in a similar government agency in the UK, so weird stuff does happen.


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## TAMAT

It's a strange story, but if I read correctly that the OM was someone high up in the organization, it's not uncommon for powerful men to want to dominate and humiliate women. There's also a type of OM that gets the WW to do something she can't confess to keep her silent, they also pick out women like his WW who he said was an evangelical christian to make it even less likely.

Tamat


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## VladDracul

TAMAT said:


> it's not uncommon for powerful men to want to dominate and humiliate women. There's also a type of OM that gets the WW to do something she can't confess to keep her silent, they also pick out women like his WW who he said was an evangelical christian to make it even less likely.
> 
> Tamat



*Yep, as usual, if she's humiliated and injured, its the bulls fault.*


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## SunCMars

TAMAT said:


> PaloAlto,
> Yave you ever confronted the OMs?
> 
> *The OM is a predator and needs to be taken down. I suspect the OM has gotten through this without a scratch.
> *
> Tamat



Ah, yes, THIS.

With me, this would happen. In a tragic way. 
My temper is kept under wraps. Has been for decades.
Any retaliation would be served, not cold...no.
Once I commit I will not be turned back.

It would be served bold.
This is not approved advice. I will not say more. I am not the injured party. The BS.
That is a good thing.


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## Taxman

Palo Alto, if it were me, and my lifeplan extended only so far as my youngest achieving the age of 18, then I would follow a plan as follows: I would spend the time between now and that date gathering any necessary and even the unnecessary evidence, and segregating finances, closing credit cards, ensuring that investments and pensions are bulletproof, ensuring that you will have a soft landing, and a comfortable life afterward. I would ensure that I have the video evidence as well as a journal of names and dates, logs of all the calls if they exist, etc etc. You will set the divorce in motion, consult with your lawyer as to the disposition of the evidence you have gathered, and at your discretion (I would, but I'm a son of a *****) will out her and her AP's to the federal agency. You will supply the evidence. 

Scorched earth dude. You are a good man, who had some real horrible things foisted upon him by the person who was supposed to love and cherish him. The level of disrespect is unbelievable. 

Then, I would go off and find happiness elsewhere. You earned it.


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## 269370

MattMatt said:


> I heard of a similar incident taking place in a similar government agency in the UK, so weird stuff does happen.




What is it with agents and tampons...Their jobs must be bloody boring.🤷🏼*♂


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 2ntnuf

I don't know where this ended up, but I have a different though from others. I read the first page and didn't see it anywhere.

Here goes nothing. It's just a thought. Don't go crazy about it's absolute truth. I don't know for sure.


The guy obviously has a fetish. That aside, he is probably pretty intelligent. 

While your wife or ex was in the mood, he talked with her and convinced her that by doing the pictures and things, she could keep her from being as harshly treated as many other women who have succumbed to his, "charms". bahaha charms!?

What he may not have told her was that he was concerned about his own issues with you, not really knowing what you would do when you found out. They all find out in time.

Then, with that all wrapped up, he could have figured it was a perfect opportunity to make a little money. So, this stuff is probably out there on the inter webs, somewhere. You may never find it. 

She found out and had to tell you, because you or someone else might discover it and it would all come crashing down. 

So, now, what to do? It's up to you to decide to work on your relationship and eventually forgive or to move forward without her. 

Depends on age, children, acceptable lifestyle changes, getting out of denial to be able to make those decisions, her choices and the realization that it wasn't good for her, so she left the marriage long before this happened, mentlally and emotionally. 

Well, take the bull by the horns. Get yourself back in decent mental and emotional shape. Look at the options you have. Figure out what she wants, then make a step toward whatever conclusions you draw from all of that. 

You have decisions to make. Might as well get on it. Good luck.


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## BadGrammar

Herschel said:


> hope this isn't a fake post...


I hope it is.

If not, gather any remaining evidence you have and use it to gain full custody of the children. Normally, I would not recommend divorce where young children are involved. However, if she were my wife I would do all I could to remove her from the picture. She is poison.


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## Turner9

Besides reading how shocking and yet how naturally this happens in regions like California where they are more open minded about such things vs the east coast where they maybe a little more conservative.. I said a little lol. 

I cannot! grip my mind around the fact , that he wants a suggestion? on how to make her more forth cumming? How on earth will the facts of knowing all details in the case give his mind? more ease? To me it would give only the opposite and thus lead one to anger. As to why she married him or why he married her .. I am sure they have their reasons and reasons why they are together?

So instead of answering this from a sane mindset, I shall do so with a more twisted one which this is. Like seriously DIVORCE , MOVE ON , YOU DESERVE SOOO MUCH BETTER. 

Any how: 
1. Truth is useful. If I was not a good enough lover and I needed input to get better? and if it was achievable with that partner, then I would feel a sense of accomplishment and worth. Maybe this is what the person is after ? And why they want full disclosure. 
2. Perhaps the Author left out some details only they can answer, thus it would explain the calm tone. Most often people like this are sometimes guilty of doing the same act which dulls them of the true crime against them. Nonetheless, no accusations just a thought. 
3. Some other members mentioned some very good techniques in pulling out the truth. But I have found that once you make the subject more at ease and let them know there is no consequence! for just coming clean , they normally give you all things no matter how graphic and disturbing but they always monitor your body language when they are telling you. If you come off unphased , which I believe you can do! Then she will tell you everything but be careful.. some truth needs to never come to surface. Honestly I don't get it! Is it to suffice your curiosity? Put together the last Puzzle so you can make a firm decision on leaving? 

I once told a friend of mine , that the human being can make one of two errors. Error in heart? Or Error of Mind. 

Error of mind suggest, a deep rooted act of manipulation from the other party! to the point they are just seduced and not fully aware of all they do, etc being introduced to drugs etc anything that impairs ones logic. 

Error of Heart. This is the most difficult and hardest one to cure. This one suggest , that the party is more than willing! They knew what they were doing and LOVED DOING IT! Their heart was not just in it, it was equal. In cases like this? I walk away/run away! as fast as I can because its one of the hardest transition for a person to snap out of. YES, some have done it , come clean and been remorseful over it to the point they see only passion betrayed them more than anything else. I have two close friends who survived such a thing , if you wish to call it surviving. I don't think it ever leaves you . the mind that is but the effects are not as damaging over time, and the images do get less of impact as long as you don't keep bringing it up. 

The hard thing about this is the video recording acts. And that this being possibly released over the WWW, makes it 80% more difficult to move pass . Unless.... well .. The person is into that sort of thing. 

I hope you get well soon, and find the best resolution for you.


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## niceguy28

OP. Your so called wife has no respect for you and let another man degrade her in a way that is unacceptable. She knew what she was doing when she allowed him to take pictures of her. She knew that what she was doing was wrong and that it would destroy you but she just didn't care. She let another men cum on her face. Do you know how disrespectful and nasty that is? To make it worse she wouldn't do those things with you. She doesn't care about you OP. She just doesn't. I know you have your boys but you have to think long term. Yes it will suck to begin with but over time it will get better and your hopefully then ex wife can go let other men cum on her face all she wants too. I know this is your life and I have kid too and I struggle with what it would be like to leave them but this is something that you will never be able to get over. Your wife is not a wife. She's shown herself to be a **** and a deceitful liar who cares nothing about her husband or her family. Sex is bad enough but to let another man cum on her face while she then goes home and kisses you or interacts with your kids. I really hope you went out after all this happened and had your own affair. I don't care if you had to pay for it your wife deserves to experience what you experienced. This site is full of stories of men dealing with cheating women. If I had come to this site before I got married I probably wouldn't have done it. Women these days are different and a lot of them complain, nag, and aren't even loyal. Sadly marriage is really becoming a raw deal for most men.


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## KaggyBear

PaloAlto70 said:


> My wife had an affair with a coworker for two years. I knew this guy, he was her closest friend at work, and it was no secret that they were close as colleagues. This part is nothing new to anyone who has spent time on these forums. BUT:
> In the days after the revelation, my wife wanted to come clean that she and her lover recorded some of their sexual encounters, both at his apartment and at the office. Photos and videos were made and although for years she was vague and euphemistic about them, my understanding is that her lover wanted photos of her with his cum on her face, following blowjobs; other videos may have been of blowjobs and of them having sex in an office chair, her on top of him, and him on top of her in his bed.
> I am not trying to be salacious or offend anyone here. I am writing because these details - that my wife participated in what I guess could be described as the amateur porn fetish of her lover, sex as sport not just passion in the moment -
> then set me off on an investigative trail of what else happened? What was this all about? Every betrayed husband on these forums is tormented by images and needs to have a coherent story, but I have dealt with images of images and it has been exceptionally hard.
> She proceeded to tell me that her lover also wanted to change her tampons for her, and that she allowed him to do this in the office and his apartment. She said that he could also last a very long time, allowing her to experience vaginal orgasms she never did with me.
> And here we are seven years later and somehow we have had more peaceful days than days of rage. But I can't get over it, not the actual sex acts, but her inability to tell a coherent linear story that finally puts my mind at ease. Suggestions?


she's dirty. send her packing. this make my stomach sick just to read it


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