# i just dont know what to do anymore



## CONFUSED83 (Dec 1, 2008)

i have been married for two years to my husband george. during the two years he was locked up for six months. the night he got locked up i was trying to leave him. i slept with someone else once but i told him about it. i told him he could divorce me or he could chose to stay. well he stayed. we got back together after he got released and thats when the real problems began. he likes to get on the internet and look at porn all the time. i have found numerous numbers in his cell phone of other women. he even was texting my sisters friend asking to see her breasts. when i confronted her on the phone she told me that if i was doing my motherf*cking job he wouldn't have to come to her. i give sex to my husband everyday so i don't understand what the problem is. i feel like such a fool and it is really eating at my self esteem.what should i do?


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Why not go back to plan a) and leave him?


----------



## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


> Why not go back to plan a) and leave him?


This is easier said than done, but without knowing any of the additional background information it is hard to say. Has he cheated? Have you caught him? Have you considered counseling?


----------



## CONFUSED83 (Dec 1, 2008)

i've considered counseling but i don't know where to look and i dont have any insurance to pay for it. i haven;t technically caught him cheating, its just a gut feeling. i really think he is though because of all the hidden numbers and the texting. He is just way to into sex, porn on the internet, chatlines, texting other females. i love him i just dont want to look like the fool that i feel like right now.


----------



## CONFUSED83 (Dec 1, 2008)

MarkTwain said:


> Why not go back to plan a) and leave him?


if i am not 100% sure that he is cheating than i dont want to leave him. what if its just a sexual addiction


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

CONFUSED83 said:


> i have found numerous numbers in his cell phone of other women. he even was texting my sisters friend asking to see her breasts.


He is not taking your feelings into account. As your husband, he should be putting your happiness and peace of mind before his cheap thrills. If he says he wants to but can't help it, tell him he needs to get professional help. If he just doesn't care how this is making you feel, he's not being much of a husband.


----------



## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

CONFUSED83 said:


> i've considered counseling but i don't know where to look and i dont have any insurance to pay for it. QUOTE]
> 
> Check into some local churches or faith based counseling services. These typically charge on a sliding scale, which means that if you can only pay X amount, they will take that. I would go to counseling for yourself if nothing else. Tell them up front that you can only pay so much and see if they are willing to work with you. Many non profit counseling centers do exist.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

CONFUSED83 said:


> what if its just a sexual addiction


_Just_ a sex addiction??? That's pretty serious to me. He can get you into some pretty bad situations with something like that. 

I think its just insane that he text your sister that stuff. that has got to stop. you need to let him know what you need from him in order to have hope for the relationship. If he's not willing to give it, then you have to ask yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life.


----------



## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> _Just_ a sex addiction??? That's pretty serious to me. He can get you into some pretty bad situations with something like that.
> 
> I think its just insane that he text your sister that stuff. that has got to stop. you need to let him know what you need from him in order to have hope for the relationship. If he's not willing to give it, then you have to ask yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life.


:iagree:
Well said!


----------



## CONFUSED83 (Dec 1, 2008)

i just dont get as much attention as before. this is so hard. i am going into counseling for myself starting friday. that way i can let out all of my feelings


----------



## Briana (Dec 3, 2008)

I used to date some like that. Same issues. I caught him doing this 3 times. I explained it to him how it made me feel. I am very adventorous in that area, but that did not matter. He promised to change. He never did. We broke up. I just could not take it. He admitted that it is an addiction. Maybe councelling will help in your case. Good luck. I feel your pain. I would make anyone feel aweful.


----------



## CONFUSED83 (Dec 1, 2008)

Briana said:


> I used to date some like that. Same issues. I caught him doing this 3 times. I explained it to him how it made me feel. I am very adventorous in that area, but that did not matter. He promised to change. He never did. We broke up. I just could not take it. He admitted that it is an addiction. Maybe councelling will help in your case. Good luck. I feel your pain. I would make anyone feel aweful.


its good to know that i am not the only one that has went through this. did he ever ask you to have a threesome. mine did and i had to tell him that i am not secure ehough in our relationship to do that. he keeps nagging me about it. he says he doesnt want to touch the other person he just wants to watch


----------



## CONFUSED83 (Dec 1, 2008)

tonight, i told my husband how i feel that we need marriage counseling and he needs SAA (sexaholics anonymous). he agreed to both and we started looking into it tonight on the internet. thank all of you for your help and support


----------



## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

CONFUSED83 said:


> tonight, i told my husband how i feel that we need marriage counseling and he needs SAA (sexaholics anonymous). he agreed to both and we started looking into it tonight on the internet. thank all of you for your help and support


Good luck to you and be sure to follow through and really focus on the healing! Keep us updated!


----------



## CONFUSED83 (Dec 1, 2008)

i hate to say it, but that idea went right out the window. nothing more wasw done about it and he is still doing the same sh*t. i have just made it up in my mind that i am not going to care anymore and when i physically catch him with another b*tch i am going to divorce him and make both of them pay. he needs to feel what i feel.:smthumbup:


----------



## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

CONFUSED83 said:


> i hate to say it, but that idea went right out the window. nothing more wasw done about it and he is still doing the same sh*t. i have just made it up in my mind that i am not going to care anymore and when i physically catch him with another b*tch i am going to divorce him and make both of them pay. he needs to feel what i feel.:smthumbup:


I am sorry to hear this. I was hoping that by deciding to go to counseling that you might make a big step in the right direction. I understand that you want to wait and catch him, but I have to be honest and tell you that I think it would be horrible to live like that. Constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would still consider counseling for yourself, as I think it will be helpful as you continue to go through this.


----------



## Guest (Dec 9, 2008)

A word of advice. I have dealt with infidelity in my marriage. My wife denies it until I show her proof of some form. She then only admits to small things and maintains innocence. Ironically, I have a lot more proof now than what I have told her. She will continue to maintain it isn't what I now know it is. It's ok though, she has to make the next move, and if it's wrong, I will unfortunately have to call her bluff. 

It's sad that people go to the lengths they do to lie about something like what your dealing with. A good instinct is to trust your gut. It's sad people just can't be honest about what they've done and lie about it until their caught red handed.

I myself value my time with my wife and know she is dealing with issues that I could have helped prevent. Reegardless though, she is going to need to change to prevent what will end up ruining both of our lives. I hope you can seperate yourself from your relationship before you end up like me 20 yrs later and feel you have to try to put it back together.

Good luck and dont feel so confused. In the end it will all add up and probably be not what you want to hear. We can make excuses for our spouses behavior even when the facts are so obvious. Trust your gut.


----------

