# Real disappointed



## bell (Jul 10, 2011)

My H had a case of bad gas tonight. He didn't even want to try the chocolate shake I made in the blinder for everyone. He kept farting and told me the next one was for me, WHAT? I blew it off and went to the bedroom to find some shorts in a pile of laundry I washed that was mostly his clothes...which he never put away. He came up to me and gave me a hug, I saw this loving look in his eyes and for a minute I thought he appreciated me for washing his clothes or something, and we hugged until I smelt a disappointing horrible smell!!! It was so disgusting and disrespectful I know, but really what did I do to deserve that? I seriously felt appreciated and loved until I realized he was just being nasty!! His joke hurt my feelings. Then he told me he had done that near the kids too, and that really upset me. I asked him what does he think he is teaching our kids, that its okay? I told him that when our daughter comes home and brings her boyfriend who farts in my kitchen I know it's going to be his fault. Seriously groused out and disappointed.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

If my H did this to me I would have laughed and declared how gross it was and then done something playful to get him back. Maybe it's just his humor and no harm was meant? 

I'm sorry it hurt your feelings though and I'm glad you expressed to him this wasn't cool with you.


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## bell (Jul 10, 2011)

He was being playful I'm sure there was no harm intended. Glad I expressed too. I wonder what kind of joke i can play on him?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

bell said:


> He was being playful I'm sure there was no harm intended. Glad I expressed too. I wonder what kind of joke i can play on him?


My H knows if he does something playful like that, I go into hide-and-seek mode and scare the wotsit out of him by jumping out from behind the sofa or something. I'm starting to be aware that we're getting older and I'll need a new tactic soon for health's sake. He can tell when the house gets really quiet that I've gone into 'stealth mode'. 

Anyway the thing is, you can't get him back now because you'll be giving him mixed messages. You've told him you don't like what he did and if that's how you truly feel, you need to stand by that. 

Do you act silly and playful with him other times? Maybe you could introduce more silliness into your home but in ways that don't have you feeling disrespected


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## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

bell said:


> My H had a case of bad gas tonight. He didn't even want to try the chocolate shake I made in the blinder for everyone. He kept farting and told me the next one was for me, WHAT? I blew it off and went to the bedroom to find some shorts in a pile of laundry I washed that was mostly his clothes...which he never put away. He came up to me and gave me a hug, I saw this loving look in his eyes and for a minute I thought he appreciated me for washing his clothes or something, and we hugged until I smelt a disappointing horrible smell!!! It was so disgusting and disrespectful I know, but really what did I do to deserve that? I seriously felt appreciated and loved until I realized he was just being nasty!! His joke hurt my feelings. Then he told me he had done that near the kids too, and that really upset me. I asked him what does he think he is teaching our kids, that its okay? I told him that when our daughter comes home and brings her boyfriend who farts in my kitchen I know it's going to be his fault. Seriously groused out and disappointed.


OK, I'll play along.

Men love to fart! The louder it is, the more testosterone we proclaim.
The more it smells, the harder we laugh.
It's a guy thing.

My wife has pulled the sheets over my head many times, as payback.
Go eat some broccoli, and beans, and call it a war!!.:rofl:

Loosen up. Most around here, wish they had your problem.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> OK, I'll play along.
> 
> Men love to fart! The louder it is, the more testosterone we proclaim.
> The more it smells, the harder we laugh.
> ...


LOL, that was a war I would never start with my W, I'd get decimated...


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

heartsbreaking said:


> He can tell when the house gets really quiet that I've gone into 'stealth mode'.


HB - maybe you can loan your Catwoman mask and ears to Bell for those stealth moments????


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

bell said:


> He was being playful I'm sure there was no harm intended. Glad I expressed too. I wonder what kind of joke i can play on him?


Carry a lighter or a book of matches around? 

Light his fire!


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## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

1. Load up with beans, broccoli, sausages
2. Wash down with a can of coke.
3. Exact revenge

Seriously though, we guys don't really move beyond 14 in terms of humour-age, so the fact he still sees you as someone he can kid around with is a bonus. Agree with others though that if it seriously grosses you out you need to tell him to get some new material ;-)


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## hevonne (May 25, 2011)

Although is was all in fun, beware. My husband finds his farts hilarious, and they are so disgusting I have been known to gag at the smell. At first, I honestly laughed, but then he did it more and more, until I just mentally linked his presence with the smell of a steaming pile of dog doo. I stopped laughing and asked him to stop, as it was affecting my attraction to him in a big way. He didnt stop. Soon, I was repulsed by him, and not physically attracted AT ALL. I tried explaining this to him for MONTHS until he finally got a clue. Beware.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Hmm, there is maybe something to this. Maybe its the male version of a fitness test: if you can withstand our excessive flatulence then we know you are commited to the relationship?


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## bell (Jul 10, 2011)

sounds right Undertheradar, and hevonne that is where I am almost at... luckily all the comments are helping me feel I should be more light hearted about last night. YET this morning he did something that is a pet peeve of mine and I know he knows. If I mention it to him he will say he was in a hurry to get to work, but what it was....He clipped his nails - loudly, I woke up...AND this is the worst part, he left all the nail clippings all over his area of the bathroom (we have our own sink areas) I just cleaned the bathroom sinks too and I'm NOT cleaning it up for him. I think he has just been disgusting me and I am worried I am loosing attraction to him. He also hasn't been to the dentist for a cleaning in a year 1/2 and he has benefits through his work. The last time he had an appointment he missed and told me not to schedule him anymore cause they charged us a fee for him missing, and funny thing was he scheduled that himself, got the reminder card and everything from his previous appointment. I always thought that wife should do that for him, but he kinda fired me from that job. I don't want to open mouth kiss him and we just give those dumb fish kisses. Not only am I losing attraction to him, I have been checking out other men! And my H needs to do some push ups or something he is looking really skinny.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

bell said:


> My H had a case of bad gas tonight. He didn't even want to try the chocolate shake I made in the blinder for everyone. He kept farting and told me the next one was for me, WHAT? I blew it off and went to the bedroom to find some shorts in a pile of laundry I washed that was mostly his clothes...which he never put away. He came up to me and gave me a hug, I saw this loving look in his eyes and for a minute I thought he appreciated me for washing his clothes or something, and we hugged until I smelt a disappointing horrible smell!!! It was so disgusting and disrespectful I know, but really what did I do to deserve that? I seriously felt appreciated and loved until I realized he was just being nasty!! His joke hurt my feelings. Then he told me he had done that near the kids too, and that really upset me. I asked him what does he think he is teaching our kids, that its okay? I told him that when our daughter comes home and brings her boyfriend who farts in my kitchen I know it's going to be his fault. Seriously groused out and disappointed.



For problems like this, I have Turkey Burger and Baked Bean night. 

I LOVE baked beans. I will eat the entire can..myself. 

give it some time, and then, dutch oven for the win! 

My stbx's family was the most flatulent family I swear it ran in their genes to smell like death out their rear. but, it was a joke, everyone laughed and participated and while it may be weird it was their own personal joke between them. I have so many funny fart stories its almost inappropriate for a girl.

loosen up, it's just gas.


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## hevonne (May 25, 2011)

oh yeah, btw-after I saw how I started to associate my husband with my being repelled physically, I was careful not to smell/look disgusting myself. I do NOT want to be thought of like that. Its understandable to let a toot slip here and there-but I wouldnt make it a goal to see who smells the most like you-know-what if you want to still be attractive to a member of the opposite sex!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

bell said:


> sounds right Undertheradar, and hevonne that is where I am almost at... luckily all the comments are helping me feel I should be more light hearted about last night. YET this morning he did something that is a pet peeve of mine and I know he knows. If I mention it to him he will say he was in a hurry to get to work, but what it was....He clipped his nails - loudly, I woke up...AND this is the worst part, he left all the nail clippings all over his area of the bathroom (we have our own sink areas) I just cleaned the bathroom sinks too and I'm NOT cleaning it up for him. I think he has just been disgusting me and I am worried I am loosing attraction to him. He also hasn't been to the dentist for a cleaning in a year 1/2 and he has benefits through his work. The last time he had an appointment he missed and told me not to schedule him anymore cause they charged us a fee for him missing, and funny thing was he scheduled that himself, got the reminder card and everything from his previous appointment. I always thought that wife should do that for him, but he kinda fired me from that job. I don't want to open mouth kiss him and we just give those dumb fish kisses. Not only am I losing attraction to him, I have been checking out other men! And my H needs to do some push ups or something he is looking really skinny.


I think you are starting to get into a slippery slope here. Do you think he does some of these things because he can sense that your attraction is slipping, and maybe he's picking the absolute worst way to handle it (what do they call it - passive aggressive?)

I would have a big sit down talk with him and just lay it on the line - letting him know that these childish endeavors are starting to kill your attraction and ardor for him. A loving spouse would listen to you and take it to heart.

How your spouse acts has a lot to do with the attraction that you feel for them. If my spouse was passing gas and leaving toenail clippings around purposefully, I'd just raise my eyebrow at him and calmly state "I guess you don't want to get any lovin' tonite, huh?" My H knows that my emotional connection with him is what spurs my physical connection to him, so he's learned to work that to his advantage. It's not "tit-for-tat", it's simply being responsive and caring toward your partner. I hope your H cares as much to make the effort as well.

Best Wishes.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

Hi Bell . . . I agree with HB. We all had a couple of laughs over the fart stuff, but now you've brought up a couple of more hygiene related issues. Is there something bigger going on? To go from farting to nail clipping to dentist sounds like you're getting on a roll of what else he's ticking you off about. I just think it's worthwhile to see if there's another root cause for which these are just symptoms.

From a guy's perspective, I would feel a bit put-off if my wife put together a list of all the stuff I'm doing wrong and lit into me. (actually, this is the script for our MC sessions each week . . . and I am put off). So if there is a general theme of what's happening, and break it to him that these other issues are part of that it might help to break a bigger pattern. Is he letting him self go in general? Are these all new things he's doing? Are they old behaviors that are only just recently bugging you? Does this make any sense? Good luck!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

bell said:


> sounds right Undertheradar, and hevonne that is where I am almost at... luckily all the comments are helping me feel I should be more light hearted about last night. YET this morning he did something that is a pet peeve of mine and I know he knows. If I mention it to him he will say he was in a hurry to get to work, but what it was....He clipped his nails - loudly, I woke up...AND this is the worst part, he left all the nail clippings all over his area of the bathroom (we have our own sink areas) I just cleaned the bathroom sinks too and I'm NOT cleaning it up for him. I think he has just been disgusting me and I am worried I am loosing attraction to him. He also hasn't been to the dentist for a cleaning in a year 1/2 and he has benefits through his work. The last time he had an appointment he missed and told me not to schedule him anymore cause they charged us a fee for him missing, and funny thing was he scheduled that himself, got the reminder card and everything from his previous appointment. I always thought that wife should do that for him, but he kinda fired me from that job. I don't want to open mouth kiss him and we just give those dumb fish kisses. Not only am I losing attraction to him, I have been checking out other men! And my H needs to do some push ups or something he is looking really skinny.


My H wouldn't purposely fart near me but your post did make me laugh and farts in our home do usually end up as something to laugh about. Playfulness can be a good thing.

What's really going on with _you_? 

I'm sorry but I doubt he purposely clipped his nails loudly. As for not cleaning them afterwards, again I'd be surprised if this was done with an intent towards you. 

The nature of living with someone is that things aren't always going to be perfect. My H has left stubble in the sink when he's shaved before work. I never think he does it on purpose though. I usually just leave it there and then mention it to him when he next goes into the bathroom "Hey, can you please clean that sink while you're there?" and when he notices how he's left it he usually apologizes and cleans it. And when I have an almost-empty bottle of shower gel that I leave in the corner of the shower but start using the new bottle instead, he'll ask me to finish the old bottle first so we don't end up with a collection piling up. That's one of my little annoying traits. 

It sounds like you're being really critical of him. I'm sure he still brushes his teeth daily, right? Why don't you want to kiss him? :scratchhead:

There's more to this than nail clippings and cancelled dentist appointments. Based on your original post, it sounds like you don't feel respected or maybe taken for granted which is in turn causing you to lose attraction for him. You need to start making some changes before you find yourself too removed from what's important.


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