# Has anyone actually stayed THROUGH an ongoing affair?



## iwillsurvive (Mar 4, 2009)

There was a short time awhile back where I learned that my husband was still in communication with the other woman. He said he was going to break things off for good, but there was a period of time where he was still living here and having minimal, but some contact with her. 

The whole situation made me think about those who chose to stay in the marriage, in the same home, while knowing that an affair is going on. It made me realize that if he was unwilling to give her up for now, but also wasn't wanting to leave me and our kids, then I would have a choice to make. I could stay knowing he had contact with her or I could leave/ ask him to leave. 

Have any of you actually chosen to stay? To try and love your spouse THROUGH the affair? How did it work out for you in the end? 

I'm not sure I could personally do that, but as crazy as it sounds, I can see the logic of WHY someone would do it and so I'm curious about personal experiences as to whether this was actually successful for anyone, or if it just resulted in more heartbreak.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Oh man thats hard. I dont know never been through it DONT WANT TO. ughhh I would be crushed I could barley make it through a kiss ya know. BUT love makes you do CRAZY THINGS!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

In order for any marriage to recover from a PA or EA the contact with TOM/W must end. Ending contact can be difficult and many times a spouse may stub their toe but in the end the contact will kill the marriage. Either the offending spouse will draw closer and closer to TOM/W or the stress from the situation will kill the love and dedication in the spouse who is trying to save the marriage. It is fine to be understanding that he is going though withdrawal and it might take time, but you need to be firm in your boundaries. If he feels you will love him unconditionally while he still carrying on with this woman he has no incentive to change his behavior. At some time you will need to lay it out that is her or his marriage and family. You cannot sit on the fence on this kind of situation forever.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

We actually know couple that wife did not end affair, she lives in basement pays rent to spouse. The rule friend cannot come over. They have no realtionship, her grown kids have disowned her.

There is every situation out there.


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