# Fear sex will ruin marriage



## AnonymousK (Sep 27, 2011)

I'm a female in my early 20's and have been dating my boyfriend for a few years now. Recently, he has proposed the idea of getting married soon. Although, I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this man, I have an issue that leaves me in doubt on whether or not our relationship will work. 

My boyfriend and I are both sexually submissive in the bedroom, and there are moments where we expect each other to initiate romance, or we are 'disappointed' that it's our turn to "play the dominant" role, and we call it quits some nights due to frustration. 

Is this something that will get better over time or will I always feel that something is lacking even after being married? Any advice or ideas that could help??


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

You have come to the right place! Now to be exact you mentioned that your in your early 20's and you and your bf have already been dating for a few years? So more than likely the both of you started dating when you were teenagers or late teens? If that is the case,through time you have more experinces with each other. 

It sounds like both of you are still trying to figure out what you both like and or don't like. And that is perfectly normal!  I myself am not a dominant person in bed, but if I may offer you a suggestion? If you havn't tried already, try something you both havnt tried before find a fun game where both parites have to participate, it will feel a little odd at first but it is a great ice breaker and it build sexual confidence in a positve way. You can find dice roll games, cards, truth or dare, role play, or more naughty options etc. I say start out something simple not to kinky then gradually do more of the raunchier stuff. 

Marriage takes hard work and commentment in communication in ALL areas of your lives. I believe in both your cases be it you being so young it will change over time, as for marriage we All are constantly learning something about ourselves and our spouses. 

Also you have to figure out if the physical part is just someth:smthumbup::smthumbup:ing physical or is it more to it? Is it lacking because your not as attracted to him? Have you fought more recently? Is it possible that more things have contributed to your sex life that it is in a rut? And if it is in a rut it is not the end of the world happens to the best of yes. All I can say kiido is happy hunting.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

I would leave now, I would not marry this guy. He may be wonderful but you are not sexually compatible. That is a big issue and it will get bigger over time. Neither of you will be happy, and you may both end up looking for what you need outside the marriage.

I speak from experience... I'm also submissive and until I met my (dominant) husband I figured it would be okay and I could make it work with my non-dominant boyfriends over the years. I'm so glad I didn't marry them... now I realize what a disaster that would have been. Unless you are a "switch" at heart, you should be with someone who is truly compatible with you, and I'm sorry to say that two submissives will just not work. 

This will NOT get better with marriage, it will get worse.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

are you submissive in all aspects of your life or just with intimacy?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

AnonymousK said:


> I'm a female in my early 20's and have been dating my boyfriend for a few years now. Recently, he has proposed the idea of getting married soon. Although, I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this man, I have an issue that leaves me in doubt on whether or not our relationship will work.
> 
> My boyfriend and I are both sexually submissive in the bedroom, and there are moments where we expect each other to initiate romance, or we are 'disappointed' that it's our turn to "play the dominant" role, and we call it quits some nights due to frustration.
> 
> Is this something that will get better over time or will I always feel that something is lacking even after being married? Any advice or ideas that could help??


Going with Krismimo's idea, here is a fantastic SEX GAME with so many cards -I was very impressed, nothing skimpy about the sheer # of ideas in this game. Here is a thorough review : Kinky World » Discover Your Lover Adult Board Game Review (You can buy this on Amazon.com too)


It is very normal for women to be the more receptive or submissive lover- due to estrogen -so I can see your issues with him, *he is not the norm*. 

I sometimes say I am the more dominant in our own marriage -just cause my husband loves that, but he never had a problem initiating years ago , or getting close to me working up to some Romance -in hopes I will give in to his touches. He was never a Groper or very aggressive though, never his style..... 

So THIS is not happening in your relationship >>> His getting close to you, touching you- knowing what he wants ? Or he is doing this but it is not as "strongly" or as aggressively passionate as you desire or want from a man? 

Men generally have RAGING testosterone levels when they are younger & many can hardly contain their lustful thoughts-which excites every body part & this plays out pretty obviously when they get alone with their girlfriends on a regular basis. It is very odd to have him waiting for you to make the moves. I guess he would be Frustrated !! I think he needs to step it up !

DO you feel he has some underlying "sex" hangups, I am assuming he is young like yourself, maybe he needs to grow in his sexuality , become more educated on Male sexuality ? 

Or are you looking at this more as a FETISH to DOM women, that is HIS thing ?


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## kelevra (May 19, 2011)

AnonymousK said:


> I'm a female in my early 20's and have been dating my boyfriend for a few years now. Recently, he has proposed the idea of getting married soon. Although, I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this man, I have an issue that leaves me in doubt on whether or not our relationship will work.
> 
> My boyfriend and I are both sexually submissive in the bedroom, and there are moments where we expect each other to initiate romance, or we are 'disappointed' that it's our turn to "play the dominant" role, and we call it quits some nights due to frustration.
> 
> Is this something that will get better over time or will I always feel that something is lacking even after being married? Any advice or ideas that could help??



Have you guys tried any role play ? For example have him be the dominant one. Start in the morning have him tell you what will be in store for you at night when he gets home. That you will be wearing certain things for him or not wearing which ever he prefers. He should call you through out the day or text and give you some sexy but firm reminders of whats in store for you tonight and that if your not prepared and receptive there will be punishment involved ie. spanking . He may find that he enjoys this and if you're already submissive you should also. It doesn't have to be over the top or severe, the spankings can be playful . My wife and I play this game sometimes and we both really get into it and she seems to really enjoy it as do I. We read a book called "As She's Told" by Anneke Jacob that kinda of what fueled it. The book is really wild but it can give you some ideas that you can mold into your own. Anyway just a thought for you guys good luck.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Sexual problems rarely resolve themselves after marriage. The normal course of action is that couples have a good sex life, then marry, then develop problems, and then resolve them (or not).

Sexual incompatibility is a big red flag to rethink your relationship. There is no shortage of wonderful, dominant, men out there.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> Sexual problems rarely resolve themselves after marriage. The normal course of action is that couples have a good sex life, then marry, then develop problems, and then resolve them (or not).
> 
> Sexual incompatibility is a big red flag to rethink your relationship. There is no shortage of wonderful, dominant, men out there.


:iagree:


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

You are too young to get married. Gain some more life/sex experience before you go running to the altar with this man.


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