# I cannot have sex with my husband



## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

I'm a bit nervous posting on here. I looked and looked online for free advice but I couldn't really find anything. I had had therapy with a psychosexual therapist in the past which did help in some ways but it hasn't fully resolved the issue.

I feel very embarrassed to be 28 years old, married and still feel unable to have sex fully. I have been diagnosed in the past with vaginismus/vulvodynia and I can acknowledge that I am "sensitive" and have had trauma. But I WANT to have sex with my husband. I love him and trust him completely and we are intimate. I am not afraid, anxious, fearful etc... I'm ready and relaxed and I just feel frustrated that it's like somehow we just can't quite do it.

I guess it would help to add that I had boyfriends before getting married but I never had sex. (I am a christian). My husband had never been with anyone before either. We love and fancy each other. I trust him more than I have anyone.

While I am embarrassed to admit it I am beginning to truly feel it is NOT an emotional or psychological issue but a genuine naivety in not knowing HOW to do this. I am aware of how silly that sounds, how hard can it be, but I truly feel like the world is in on some big secret I am clueless to. And yes I've researched and tried and tried. I've read that man lays on top, lowers himself in and there you go.... but it's just not working? I don't know if I have a tilted pelvis but we found that rather him trying to come up, into... him pushing himself down and into, worked better (I don't know if that makes sense at all!!) We have made progress and I do feel we are getting closer to something but for some reason, we just can't seem to go all the way, in. If anyone can give very simplified, transparent, honest, helpful advice I would really be so so grateful.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

The Sinclair Institute... Better Sex Video Series.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. One of the more common issues in sex is the amount of pressure that people put on themselves. Being intimate with your partner in many forms is still sex. You don’t have to do intercourse for it to be sex. Oral sex is a great way to give and receive pleasure with your partner or something as fun as taking a romantic shower together. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Believe me.....the fact that you are interested and asking means you already know the secret. ❤


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

You don't say if you have talked to your doctor? Could be a physical thing that can be corrected. How about buying a book on sex, maybe you just need more information.

On a different note how about EMDR which is helpful for trauma, maybe it would work the same way.

Do you cease up when he is inside you or before you even get there? If it's when he is maybe you need to try to use toys to get you use to the feeling first. 

Maybe don't considerate so much on the destination but the journey. How about get him to orgasm without penetrative sex, so you won't feel so much pressure that you are failing at it. Then maybe work to getting you to orgasm, and just have fun and see what happens?


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> The Sinclair Institute... Better Sex Video Series.
> 
> You have nothing to be ashamed of. One of the more common issues in sex is the amount of pressure that people put on themselves. Being intimate with your partner in many forms is still sex. You don’t have to do intercourse for it to be sex. Oral sex is a great way to give and receive pleasure with your partner or something as fun as taking a romantic shower together. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Believe me.....the fact that you are interested and asking means you already know the secret. ❤


Thank you! That's really kind. I guess I just feel a bit silly... quite niave, at 28, 3 years into marriage to still not know or at least fully understand the birds and the bees or ... the actual doing of the birds and the bees! I've read a lot, researched a lot, I understand everything fairly well upto the point of that one thing, the anatomical side of actually doing it. When I read blogs and advice etc it says great things about intimacy, the prep leading up to, safe sex tips and so forth but it becomes vague upto the actual point of "going in" and how you do that. It feels so silly but I feel like I am missing something... I almost need someone to spell it out to me in the most simplified natural way. Thanks again 😊


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

sokillme said:


> You don't say if you have talked to your doctor? Could be a physical thing that can be corrected. How about buying a book on sex, maybe you just need more information.
> 
> On a different note how about EMDR which is helpful for trauma, maybe it would work the same way.
> 
> ...


Hi there, thanks for taking time to reply. I have yes and she referred me to a sex therapist who said I had vulvodynia etc. I had domestic violence growing up and an attempted date rape incident as a teen. The diagnosis made a lot of sense due to my symptoms at the time but I have to say I don't really have any of those symptoms anymore. I also had an examination done under anesthesia done around that time and I was told that I was still a virgin (after the traumatic experience) but that I was quite "small". 

Last year I had some sexual therapy and it was very helpful emotionally and in terms of just realising some of the barriers I had mentally due to my experiences.

I am probably putting too much pressure on myself because truth be told we have a wonderful "sex life" we always please each other, we always make sure that the other is satisfied and happy, we are intimate regularly. We are very comfortable with each other and we are able to talk about anything including sex. I guess I just feel it is a shame that we can't have that full intercourse and I guess I worry it may affect us if we choose to have children in the future if we can't fully have sex. I'm grateful to say my frustration isn't that I can't please him or he can't please me, we really can. I'd just like to understand and know if rather than it being a more complex issue it really is more that we don't actually know what we are doing because we've never been told... of course we had sex Ed, advice etc, we "get it" but I feel like maybe from an annotomical perspective we are missing something.. like I found this image, and it surprised me! I'm not sure if that is a common thing if it shows how in dark I've been. 
Thanks again!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cloe said:


> Hi there, thanks for taking time to reply. I have yes and she referred me to a sex therapist who said I had vulvodynia etc. I had domestic violence growing up and an attempted date rape incident as a teen. The diagnosis made a lot of sense due to my symptoms at the time but I have to say I don't really have any of those symptoms anymore. I also had an examination done under anesthesia done around that time and I was told that I was still a virgin (after the traumatic experience) but that I was quite "small".
> 
> Last year I had some sexual therapy and it was very helpful emotionally and in terms of just realising some of the barriers I had mentally due to my experiences.
> 
> ...


Hey I am really sorry that happened to you. That sucks SO MUCH. But I believe God wants this for you so don't give up.

There will be women on this thread who can help you better then I can but that doesn't stop me from trying anyway. I think this is what they call mansplaning. Ha!

OK well not sure if that image is the best, I would note the pillow as I think that is kind of what they are getting at, using the pillow to position her hips different then just lying flat, so the motion can be up and down and not back and forth. I would maybe experiment with positioning. I also say try using a toy some, so your body gets used to having something inside of it.

How about drinking a little before hand just in case you are nervous. There are verses in Timothy about using wine for illness, so even if you think alcohol is a sin, it's permitted.

Also maybe look into EMDR. That is a big help with truama and maybe that is what this ii about. Trauma from your past experience, EMDR seems to be really good for that.

Finally it sounds like you are on you way, just taking longer then you want. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. How about you and your husband decide that you are just going to try every night for a good month, and if it doesn't work you won't recap it, you won't look anything up, you just move on and you will just try the next day. Same goes, not even thinking about it, give it a shot and move on. Just to take some of the (it has to happen tonight) out of it.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Cloe said:


> I'm a bit nervous posting on here. I looked and looked online for free advice but I couldn't really find anything. I had had therapy with a psychosexual therapist in the past which did help in some ways but it hasn't fully resolved the issue.
> 
> I feel very embarrassed to be 28 years old, married and still feel unable to have sex fully. I have been diagnosed in the past with vaginismus/vulvodynia and I can acknowledge that I am "sensitive" and have had trauma. But I WANT to have sex with my husband. I love him and trust him completely and we are intimate. I am not afraid, anxious, fearful etc... I'm ready and relaxed and I just feel frustrated that it's like somehow we just can't quite do it.
> 
> ...


This is some commiseration from a similar experience:
My ex and I were each other's first. When we decided to become sexually active there was about 5 months of consistent "attempts" to have sex before the act was completed. And that was without any diagnosed issues either. During this time we tried a bunch of different variations (a couple a week most of the time). Some of the variables included with and without condoms, with a lubricant and without or with different kinds, on her period and not, after she'd had an orgasm from oral sex and not, and several different positions.

This? This is TMI:
One of the things that you seem concerned about is the actual mechanics of insertion. The first time we were able to "go in all the way" or whatever she was laying flat on her back, feet slightly wider than shoulder width apart a little closer to where my knees rested and knees out wide. Given the position of her back and legs, that would mean that her pelvis would be angled up slightly and I was trying to go in straight so I was neither vertical nor horizontal but at a slight angle to match her. One consideration for those that are sensitive is than on first inserting the penis, it tends to chafe and drag the surrounding skin in towards the vagina. Having lots of lube can help some. Adding some tension to the sides with hands can reduce this somewhat. Inserting a little bit at a time. like a kind of slow sawing motion gradually going deeper can help (brings out some of the internal lubrication, pulling out slightly lets some of the surrounding skin lose contact with the penis, and only a little bit of the insertion happens at a time so you can become used to it over time).

There might have been something else but I'm having a senior moment and its time to cook supper anyway.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Bless your heart! You are trying hard. Helps to have an understanding husband. Bless him too!

Just speaking for myself, I would rather have a mate who is trying hard, but for legitimate reasons cant have full intercourse, than a mate who
doesn't want to please me. Good advice already, so I won't add anything. Keep trying. Be gentle on yourself.
I'm betting you'll get there.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Hi @Cloe

I am a 58yo married lady, and I can tell you right now that there is no "right way" and "wrong way" to insert for full intercourse, and here's why: each person is different. Some men are big around, but short--some are long but skinny--some are big around and long---some are skinny and short! Some stick up toward the tummy--other stick out like a compass (head due west, ma'am). LOL And just like there are all kinds of variations of men and their man-parts, there are all kinds of variation of ladies and their lady-parts. Oh, we have some similarities...you know. We have a clit and vagina, just like guys have a penis and testicles. But each one of us is actually put together slightly differently so that what works for one...definitely DOES NOT work for another. 

Let's take that image you shared, as an example. For some people, the "up and down" vs. "side to side" or "sliding forward/sliding backward" might work. I mean, if the gal was angled at a pretty downward angle, and the fella was angled to stick out...I could see it. But what if the fella was angled to stick up (toward his belly button)? Then up and down would pull on him in a way that might not feel so good! Likewise what if the gal was angled more horizontally than downward? It could really almost chafe her to be "up and down"-ed!! Furthermore, I've been with one husband who enjoyed that up and down type motion--another husband just LOVES that side-to-side kind of grind feeling. 

So part of this journey is to get to know YOUR OWN SELF...and part of it is to get to know your spouse. It sounds like neither one of you were really all that sexually knowledgeable when you started off, so I'd say just envision that you two are like teenagers (in a way) just getting to know these things. It's okay. You are where you are! So turn on some lights and look--at yourself and at him. Just note what you look like, what your parts look like, where your vagina is, etc. Just look at it. Is it purple? Is it pink? Do you know where your clit is? If not, that's fine--just see if you can find it. And honestly it might be fun here to make it a game and say "Honey...today let's see if we can find ___." LOL Why not, right? Same for him--just look. Does he have veins sticking out? Does he have a foreskin? What's it like when it's just hanging there? LOL Do you know which parts on him feel the pleasure? Does that area stay the same the whole time, or does it move from one place at the beginning to another place as things get more heated? Is he purple? Is he pink? What's it look like?

One sort of easy way to get an idea about your own specific "tilt" or angle is to insert something. Now it doesn't have to be something big--in fact, thinner might be better--but you do it to your own self (so it hurts less) and see if the angle feels like it tilts toward your tummy or toward your back. Likewise, inside there, some ladies feel pleasure just near the entrance, some feel another pleasure deeper in...but the deeper in spot could be more pleasurable when you're on your back (for you) or it could be when you're laying on your tummy. Maybe that angle just feels better on you--it's okay! Do that! 

So once you sort of realize your tilt and his angle...then you guys can figure out a position that might maximize enjoyment. I'll give you an example: if you (as the lady) lay on your back and your tilt is down toward your back...and he sticks out, then a missionary position might work for you guys because both of your angles are going in the same direction! If he stands up and points at his tummy, though, missionary might stretch him kinda wierd...so doggy might be a better fit for you two. Make sense? And once you find one that sort of seems like it's working, that's okay!! That's YOU TWO. The beautiful thing is that you two find the way that is YOUR way and keep sharing that pleasure. It may not be what everyone else does or "how they do it" but oh well. You do you. If him kinda pointing down feels okayishly good to you and to him, I say keep working that position and see what happens! 

I'd also suggest using lots of lube until you two do figure out what works, because the last thing you want to do is start equating sex with pain or something you dislike. I personally recommend coconut oil, because it's very natural and the skin can absorb it, but it provides plenty of lube and yet that feeling of some friction too. Gradually, as you get the hang of "Oh if you are here and I do this, it goes in okay...." then you can decrease the lube some so it feels like pleasure. And then at some point there will be some natural lube from the excitement of anticipation. 

Last note: I've tried to be an generic as possible yet answering your questions.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Don't worry! Many people are in the same situation that you are in.

You are your husband are learning together, which is nice.

Try different positions? Not "porn star" nonsense, but different positions that you both feel comfortable with.

It's also possible that you are over-thinking the issues and that just perhaps you and your husband are already pretty good at sex?

Do you both get pleasure from sex? If so, maybe it's time not to worry, but to get practicing.

Eventually you'll both graduate with a gold star in husband and wife lovemaking! 









@Cloe Thank goodness! You are in the UK, too! So I can spell words like colour, counselling and stuff without feeling guilty for adding extra letters!


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Cloe said:


> I'm a bit nervous posting on here. I looked and looked online for free advice but I couldn't really find anything. I had had therapy with a psychosexual therapist in the past which did help in some ways but it hasn't fully resolved the issue.
> 
> I feel very embarrassed to be 28 years old, married and still feel unable to have sex fully. I have been diagnosed in the past with vaginismus/vulvodynia and I can acknowledge that I am "sensitive" and have had trauma. But I WANT to have sex with my husband. I love him and trust him completely and we are intimate. I am not afraid, anxious, fearful etc... I'm ready and relaxed and I just feel frustrated that it's like somehow we just can't quite do it.
> 
> ...


What exactly do you mean by you cannot have full intercourse? Like he can't penetrate? Have you tried lube? Does he get fully erect? Is there discomfort for you and that is causing the problem? 

Don't stress yourselves out, Like @MattMatt says have fun learning together. 

A little more specific info on will be useful. Don't worry help is on the way.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Cloe said:


> I'm a bit nervous posting on here. I looked and looked online for free advice but I couldn't really find anything. I had had therapy with a psychosexual therapist in the past which did help in some ways but it hasn't fully resolved the issue.
> 
> I feel very embarrassed to be 28 years old, married and still feel unable to have sex fully. I have been diagnosed in the past with vaginismus/vulvodynia and I can acknowledge that I am "sensitive" and have had trauma. But I WANT to have sex with my husband. I love him and trust him completely and we are intimate. I am not afraid, anxious, fearful etc... I'm ready and relaxed and I just feel frustrated that it's like somehow we just can't quite do it.
> 
> ...


Go to the website www.tolovehonorandvacuum.com . She has a history of vaginismus and has a lot of help for women surrounding sexual issues. She is fantastic.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

My wife and I met very young in high school. We were the first for each other. I can promise you that it took us a while and some fumbling around to get good at it. Like the description from your doctor my wife was very small. It took time for things to be comfortable for her .... probably also due to me being inexperienced. Lots of water based sex lube is your BEST FRIEND.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Cloe, simply go on the internet and find some sex instruction videos.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Hey I am really sorry that happened to you. That sucks SO MUCH. But I believe God wants this for you so don't give up.
> 
> There will be women on this thread who can help you better then I can but that doesn't stop me from trying anyway. I think this is what they call mansplaning. Ha!
> 
> ...


Thanks again, really helpful! It's great to have the male perspectives as well as the female! 

Yes to a little wine, we do that sometimes. It's kinda funny really because we can really get in the mood, and I'd say we are or feel fairly into what we are doing, into each other and it is "enjoyable" "fun" "intimate" all those positive descriptors I imagine sex should be at it's best... it's just that one thing, going fully or even close to fully. I will say that this position of him pointing down to go in, rather than pointing up to go in as made more progress and feels much better for us both. When I've looked at pictures of the woman's vagina being at 180 degree tilt towards the back I'm guessing that though be why because mostly up till now we've just been trying to go straight up and in but it's like it just hits wall.. I'm beginning to think it is hitting a literal wall, rather than going down, and at a round angle to go in. I'm not sure if that makes sense! But thanks again. I'll think about what you've suggested!


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Hiner112 said:


> This is some commiseration from a similar experience:
> My ex and I were each other's first. When we decided to become sexually active there was about 5 months of consistent "attempts" to have sex before the act was completed. And that was without any diagnosed issues either. During this time we tried a bunch of different variations (a couple a week most of the time). Some of the variables included with and without condoms, with a lubricant and without or with different kinds, on her period and not, after she'd had an orgasm from oral sex and not, and several different positions.
> 
> This? This is TMI:
> ...


Hi there, thank you! I know... this feels tmi for me asking these things on here so I appreciate you being willing to share what you have!

If I may, and again, sorry if this is a bit TMI, do you recall her being somewhat at an angle?? And did you/could you go straight in, did you have to go down and into at an angle or could you just go straight up into. 

I'm just gonna be brunt for purposes of seeking the insight. Mostly, when my husband and I are being intimate and try to have intercourse, he lays on top of me, I lay ontop of him, his "friend" will be resting just where we feel is right and we try there. Mostly I think it is just pleasurable and nice because it's rubbing and while it feels like it may make minimal contact there's no way it's gonna go in to any great depth this way. So instead a couple of times we've tried him on top, hovering over me, he aims slightly back rather than forward as though pushing it down towards/into. And somehow this feels like it shouldn't work (for him) I don't want to hurt him! But it kinda does. More progress has been made this way than in any other. I've been reading that the woman's vagina is at a 180 degree angle. If this is right, our attempts for him to just lay on top and come in from the bottom would never work because that area of the woman doesn't shoot horizontal from the direction of her feet to her head, it's more like towards her lower back. It is this that is news to me. Again, thank you!


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

jorgegene said:


> Bless your heart! You are trying hard. Helps to have an understanding husband. Bless him too!
> 
> Just speaking for myself, I would rather have a mate who is trying hard, but for legitimate reasons cant have full intercourse, than a mate who
> doesn't want to please me. Good advice already, so I won't add anything. Keep trying. Be gentle on yourself.
> I'm betting you'll get there.


Thank you! 😊


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Affaircare said:


> Hi @Cloe
> 
> I am a 58yo married lady, and I can tell you right now that there is no "right way" and "wrong way" to insert for full intercourse, and here's why: each person is different. Some men are big around, but short--some are long but skinny--some are big around and long---some are skinny and short! Some stick up toward the tummy--other stick out like a compass (head due west, ma'am). LOL And just like there are all kinds of variations of men and their man-parts, there are all kinds of variation of ladies and their lady-parts. Oh, we have some similarities...you know. We have a clit and vagina, just like guys have a penis and testicles. But each one of us is actually put together slightly differently so that what works for one...definitely DOES NOT work for another.
> 
> ...


Hi there! Great to have a female perspective so thank you!!

I appreciate what you've said and I think instinctually I kinda know that everyone is different in the sense of different bodies and shapes and so on. So what works for one person may not work for me and vice versa. I think I've just been surprised at how challenging this has been for me, for us. Something that it feels like everyone else just does. It kinda feels like the whole world is in on some big secret, one that I/we are not in on somehow. And don't even get me started on on TV and films and how they may it look, like you glide straight in and you're away. That just has not been my reality. It's like trying to enter a fortress or a male having found the opening but still can't enter!

We have done a lot of "exploration" I'll say. In terms of each other and our bodies and this has been great, and brought us closer. I've explored my body to understand it better. When I was younger and first realised there was an issue, I couldn't use tampons at all. I couldn't have even make contact it was that painful. Hence I totally got the diagnosis of vulvodynia/vaginismus. Now however, I've had sex therapy, I can use tampons, I've had smear tests (though I have found asking the insert the speculum myself to be the game changer) it hurt but I did, I was nearly singing I was so chuffed haha. The nurse must have thought I was made. I can masterbate, though more surface. So while I'd say, I am still "sensitive" I kinda feel like I do know my body to a much greater level now, as do I feel my husband done. 

Having been reading about the fact a womans vagina is tilted at a 180 degree angle towards the lower back, that has surprised me but makes sense! And if I say, am more tilted slightly or am "small" anyway, perhaps this is in part some of the explanation because I truly feels as though we get so far and it's great and then we hit a wall, literally. 

I'm sorry if this is tmi. But basically by large, most of our attempts at full intercourse have involved him laying on top or me on top, and his "friend" resting on the area and then we have done the "up and down" horizontally to each other, in the direction we are laying in. It does feel nice but I imagine that is because of the pressure and contact but in reality it's not going to go in like that. At least only minimally if it does at all. Having now seen about this angle and looked closer at other graphics, it's looks to me as though the man does go down and into the woman at a slight angle, going at a slight curve to go up, perhaps. Rather than say up and in and that's it. Because the female vagina just isn't horizontally up from the feet direction to the head, it is more angled towards the tailbone. So this is a very different angle. If this is true and my husband is trying to go up in, he really is hitting the wall of my pelvic bone or something! Hence my discomfort and us not really getting very far. It's like he is making contact with the opening but actually entering. Again. Sorry for so much info. I just feel like I must put my shyness aside for the sake of trying to gain some clarity haha! 

I think you are very right about not associating sex with pain esp my past abuse and trauma. So I am thankful that we can be very "playful" no somewhat "innocent" in our approach because its each other we are connecting with not just the act itself. That really, really does help.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

AndStilliRise said:


> Go to the website www.tolovehonorandvacuum.com . She has a history of vaginismus and has a lot of help for women surrounding sexual issues. She is fantastic.


Thank you! Will have a look 😊


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> My wife and I met very young in high school. We were the first for each other. I can promise you that it took us a while and some fumbling around to get good at it. Like the description from your doctor my wife was very small. It took time for things to be comfortable for her .... probably also due to me being inexperienced. Lots of water based sex lube is your BEST FRIEND.


Thanks, really comforting to know I'm not alone or abnormal in this not being a straightforward thing! 😊


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

VladDracul said:


> Cloe, simply go on the internet and find some sex instruction videos.


Thanks, I'll keep looking. I have tried to look but most of them are extremely generic and only the two people together. There is nothing about angle of penetration. Or advice for what is most helpful for the woman or women who may struggle... etc etc how the man actually enters in, at what angle, position, how is the female body angled when laying down and so forth. Everything I seem to have read and seen walks you straight up to the act, and then boom they are already doing it. Easy as that. But I'll keep looking, thanks!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Chloe, not sure if its been mentioned but have you tried using oil for greater lubrication?


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Chloe, not sure if its been mentioned but have you tried using oil for greater lubrication?


I haven't no! Coconut oil was suggested.. I haven't tried that. I've only used the standard water based ones you can buy


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Have you tried positions other than missionary?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

a Couple ideas.

First, lubrication. If you are nervous, you are probably very dry down there, and that does not help with a smooth insertion. Get some sex lube, and use it both on the surface and inside. Put some on him too.

second, maybe you are just very tiny down there. they make kits with various diameter devices to insert to gently stretch things out. 

like this:

How to Use a Vaginal Dilator | Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (mskcc.org)

and of course, there is always oral and anal sex to keep your partner interested and happy.

If those do not work, def a trip to the doctor. you might have a very strong Hymen that he is unable to penetrate, and need a doctor's help to fix that.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Cloe said:


> I'm beginning to think it is hitting a literal wall, rather than going down, and at a round angle to go in. I'm not sure if that makes sense! But thanks again. I'll think about what you've suggested!


When you had your last gyn exam did they check for imperforate hymen? The "wall" he may be hitting could be an imperforate hymen and, if that's the case, the only solve is a doctor removing the hymen.

My husband suggests a sex swing. He thinks using a sex swing would allow you tow to figure out the angle on easy mode and then be able to translate that knowledge to other positions as you gain experience.

Piggybacking on his suggestion you might also think about trying a wedge. Easily found on Amazon they look like giant make-up wedges. Putting the wedge under you might create an angle that works.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> Have you tried positions other than missionary?


Yes we have


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

MJJEAN said:


> When you had your last gyn exam did they check for imperforate hymen? The "wall" he may be hitting could be an imperforate hymen and, if that's the case, the only solve is a doctor removing the hymen.
> 
> My husband suggests a sex swing. He thinks using a sex swing would allow you tow to figure out the angle on easy mode and then be able to translate that knowledge to other positions as you gain experience.
> 
> Piggybacking on his suggestion you might also think about trying a wedge. Easily found on Amazon they look like giant make-up wedges. Putting the wedge under you might create an angle that works.


I had a smear test /examination last year and when I was 17, I had an examination under anesthesia where I was told structurally I was fine but my hymen was still in that then. I would hope if there was any problem like this that it would have been seen and picked up on in examinations I've had but I will mention it at next appointment! A wedge pillow sounds interesting! Thanks.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

I’m confused so please don’t take me the wrong way...
Is the issue he can’t penetrate you? 
If you have tried being on top what happens?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

As with anything in life, most things require patience and practice. Sex is no different.

If you have experienced trauma in the past, do make it a point to talk openly about those things with your husband. You do not want to carry that burden alone and he will help you to heal and love.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> I’m confused so please don’t take me the wrong way...
> Is the issue he can’t penetrate you?
> If you have tried being on top what happens?


Yeah that is basically it. It seems complicated but it kinda isn't right? When I go ontop I basically end up resting ON it or rubbing against it. Either with me laying flat to him or upright and him holding hips etc... sometimes I feel somehow it would be better if he was more upright? Like sitting up almost... but it still mostly feels like rubbing not penetration. We just can't seem to actually position it so it goes in. Sorry for so much detail... I hope that makes sense


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Do you try maneuvering it? kinda like when you put a pair of earrings on? You have to move it around a bit to get the post in the hole...


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Cloe said:


> Hi there, thank you! I know... this feels tmi for me asking these things on here so I appreciate you being willing to share what you have!
> 
> If I may, and again, sorry if this is a bit TMI, do you recall her being somewhat at an angle?? And did you/could you go straight in, did you have to go down and into at an angle or could you just go straight up into.
> 
> I'm just gonna be brunt for purposes of seeking the insight. Mostly, when my husband and I are being intimate and try to have intercourse, he lays on top of me, I lay ontop of him, his "friend" will be resting just where we feel is right and we try there. Mostly I think it is just pleasurable and nice because it's rubbing and while it feels like it may make minimal contact there's no way it's gonna go in to any great depth this way. So instead a couple of times we've tried him on top, hovering over me, he aims slightly back rather than forward as though pushing it down towards/into. And somehow this feels like it shouldn't work (for him) I don't want to hurt him! But it kinda does. More progress has been made this way than in any other. I've been reading that the woman's vagina is at a 180 degree angle. If this is right, our attempts for him to just lay on top and come in from the bottom would never work because that area of the woman doesn't shoot horizontal from the direction of her feet to her head, it's more like towards her lower back. It is this that is news to me. Again, thank you!


The exact angle could vary depending a bit on your exact position (legs, back, and pelvis). I know that's not necessarily helpful. I was probably angled downwards at 30 degrees or so. Being 20 at the time and very excited the rubbing on the outside that you mention as pleasurable was enough for me to "finish" more than once before intercourse ever happened. I guess you would call that "outercourse" and if you can both enjoy it, that would take some of the pressure off of doing the activity that has been so difficult. You mention being worried about not being able to let him in deep enough in certain positions but just the tip could be enough for him (mileage may vary). The first inch or two are by far the most sensitive for guys so that could be enough. You're not gong to hurt him unless your bending the shaft sharply or trying to make it point towards his feet. 

He doesn't _have_ to be on top. If there was any activity that might cause discomfort, the person that feels that discomfort could take control. If you were on top you could control when penetration started and how deep. You could control how erect you held your body so it could be at whatever angle felt most comfortable. The downside is that you'd be more actively participating instead of just trying to relax.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Do you have trouble using tampons? I had lots of trouble with them until I started having sex. Even after three babies, I would have trouble with a super tampon but sex is different...arousal makes a huge difference thankfully. 

My first few months of sex HURT a lot. It was something I wanted to get better at so I kept going but damn...it was not fun. I feel for you. I think if you've been at this for 3 years you need be seen by a GYN doctor to rule out any medical issues. If you need a vaginal dilator a doctor can help facilitate that as well. As a women's health nurse I highly recommend you see a doctor to get help at this point.

Good luck!!


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Cloe said:


> Yeah that is basically it. It seems complicated but it kinda isn't right? When I go on top I basically end up resting ON it or rubbing against it. Either with me laying flat to him or upright and him holding hips etc... sometimes I feel somehow it would be better if he was more upright? Like sitting up almost... but it still mostly feels like rubbing not penetration. We just can't seem to actually position it so it goes in. Sorry for so much detail... I hope that makes sense


That does feel awesome....it can be messy but awesome.

Anyway, I kind of mentioned you being on top in my other response but didn't consider that you wouldn't know that you'd probably have to reach down to change his angle to the right position. Most guys wouldn't naturally be angled high enough to get to where he needs to go so you'd have to pick him up to match your body.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> Do you try maneuvering it? kinda like when you put a pair of earrings on? You have to move it around a bit to get the post in the hole...


Thats a very good question and almost really obvious... in that we have tried that but I think mostly we have just rested it near the opening and tried to push assuming it would kinda happen naturally? But it hasn't. Sometimes he has tried to take control by guiding it in which can hurt sometimes and then I get anxious. I notice he will often instinctually position straight and I am often pushing him downwards. Thankfully we communicate and he will stop if I'm uncomfortable and so on.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Hiner112 said:


> The exact angle could vary depending a bit on your exact position (legs, back, and pelvis). I know that's not necessarily helpful. I was probably angled downwards at 30 degrees or so. Being 20 at the time and very excited the rubbing on the outside that you mention as pleasurable was enough for me to "finish" more than once before intercourse ever happened. I guess you would call that "outercourse" and if you can both enjoy it, that would take some of the pressure off of doing the activity that has been so difficult. You mention being worried about not being able to let him in deep enough in certain positions but just the tip could be enough for him (mileage may vary). The first inch or two are by far the most sensitive for guys so that could be enough. You're not gong to hurt him unless your bending the shaft sharply or trying to make it point towards his feet.
> 
> He doesn't _have_ to be on top. If there was any activity that might cause discomfort, the person that feels that discomfort could take control. If you were on top you could control when penetration started and how deep. You could control how erect you held your body so it could be at whatever angle felt most comfortable. The downside is that you'd be more actively participating instead of just trying to relax.


Thats a really good point actually... about it not needing to be in fully. I hadn't really thought of that. I do think we have managed to go in like an inch or so... maybe even two I don't know. I know there have been times it has definitely felt like he went in a little just not as a far, completely or as far as I'd hope we could but maybe that's not that important! And you're right, I can be on top. Which we do, I guess I just still haven't quite found a position/angle when ontop that works completely.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

notmyjamie said:


> Do you have trouble using tampons? I had lots of trouble with them until I started having sex. Even after three babies, I would have trouble with a super tampon but sex is different...arousal makes a huge difference thankfully.
> 
> My first few months of sex HURT a lot. It was something I wanted to get better at so I kept going but damn...it was not fun. I feel for you. I think if you've been at this for 3 years you need be seen by a GYN doctor to rule out any medical issues. If you need a vaginal dilator a doctor can help facilitate that as well. As a women's health nurse I highly recommend you see a doctor to get help at this point.
> 
> Good luck!!


Oh yeah definitely. I've always struggled with tampons. I was diagnosed with vulvodynia/vaginismus. I've had counselling for that. I can actually use tampons now but I choose not to because they are so uncomfortable! 

I think dilatators could have a good idea.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Hiner112 said:


> That does feel awesome....it can be messy but awesome.
> 
> Anyway, I kind of mentioned you being on top in my other response but didn't consider that you wouldn't know that you'd probably have to reach down to change his angle to the right position. Most guys wouldn't naturally be angled high enough to get to where he needs to go so you'd have to pick him up to match your body.


Thats a very good point. Maybe I haven't realised how "fiddly/handsy" it may have to be 😅 I think I naively assumed you could just lay in the right position, apply some pressure and away you go. I guess that would be "easier" and because I have had discomfort at times it feels somehow harder to actually put it into myself rather than kinda allowing it to come in. I don't know if that makes sense at all. But it may just be that we both need to be a more, proactive? In terms of actually putting it in the right angle/position. Whatever that might be to go in


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Have you tried doggy style, where he can see what he is doing and where he is putting his penis? 

This maybe totally obvious to you, but it’s worth mentioning. 

My experience has been that using your hands to position the penis until it is actually in the vagina is often necessary. If I am on top, I ususally need to reach down and lift his penis upright so that I can position my vagina over it. Once it’s in place, you don’t need your hands, Even if I am on the bottom, I use my hands to guide his penis into me. If I am not guiding it, then he is. 

You have talked about being on top. I would suggest getting on top with him on his back, and you lower yourself slowly on to his penis. As soon as you feel a block ease back a bit and change your angle until you can go farther. Don’t rush it and make sure you are well lubed (either naturally or with help. )


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Cloe said:


> Oh yeah definitely. I've always struggled with tampons. I was diagnosed with vulvodynia/vaginismus. I've had counselling for that. I can actually use tampons now but I choose not to because they are so uncomfortable!
> 
> I think dilatators could have a good idea.


Your diagnosis is not just treated with counselling. Dilators can help tremendously. Please go get some help for your sake and your husbands.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

BlueWoman said:


> Have you tried doggy style, where he can see what he is doing and where he is putting his penis?
> 
> This maybe totally obvious to you, but it’s worth mentioning.
> 
> ...


Sorry if silly, but doggy style is from behind right? We have tried this and we've had pleasure from it but in terms of actual penetration rather than rubbing I would say again its more rubbing. 

What I will say is this, in the safety of my anonymity. I often tell my husband he has "shy hands". He is a good lover, I feel. He does give me pleasure. He is kind and attentive and not selfish. All things he is anyway. But he can be "shy". As though he isn't sure if he can touch me or I'll put his hands in places. Once encouraged he comes out of himself more. Again, this could be more to do with no previous experience. Neither of us had sex before each other but I did have boyfriends whereas he didn't. So I had some experience where he has no previous at all really. I would also say that I am more confident than him and can be more "passionate" but tbh we are both inexperienced. So I guess it really is practice and finding our way... with doggy style I'm guessing like you say, he'd had to guide it in, or me help guide him in


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

notmyjamie said:


> Your diagnosis is not just treated with counselling. Dilators can help tremendously. Please go get some help for your sake and your husbands.


I have had help, last year I had months of sexual therapy. She felt I wasn't ready for dilators at that time. But she felt we had reached the end of the therapy and just advised me and my husband to continue to enjoy one another, communicate and keep having fun exploring sex together whether penetrative or not. I've also had several examinations by doctors where I've been told I am fine physically. I'm not saying there isn't more to be done or more progress to be done but I have sought help and I have followed everything I've been advised.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

The Cleveland Clinic has in their web site well develop topics for vaginismus/vulvodynia. I don't know if their topics would help you clarify your issues, or not, but you could give it a try to see if you can get something out it. Good luck.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> The Cleveland Clinic has in their web site well develop topics for vaginismus/vulvodynia. I don't know if their topics would help you clarify your issues, or not, but you could give it a try to see if you can get something out it. Good luck.


Thank you!


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Cloe said:


> I have had help, last year I had months of sexual therapy. She felt I wasn't ready for dilators at that time. But she felt we had reached the end of the therapy and just advised me and my husband to continue to enjoy one another, communicate and keep having fun exploring sex together whether penetrative or not. I've also had several examinations by doctors where I've been told I am fine physically. I'm not saying there isn't more to be done or more progress to be done but I have sought help and I have followed everything I've been advised.


I know you have, I'm sorry...what I meant was help from a GYN...your diagnosis requires more than just sexual therapy is what I'm trying to say. I think your sex therapist did you a diservice in not having you see a GYN again.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Cloe 

Just a note about the dilators and hymen "and stuff." In real life, having a hymen IS physically fine. That is to say, it is a natural thing. Thus, when a GYN takes a look and sees an intact hymen, they would say "Yep, she is not disfigured so she is physically fine." But there can be MANY KINDS of very natural hymens that can be of varying thicknesses that may or may not effect penetration. 










Often the first time a lady has intercourse, the hymen is broken...so it's thin enough for the sort of push through and enter. Yours may be kind of thick, and since you're already sensitive "down there" your darling hubby may not want to push hard enough to break it--or breaking it could be difficult or painful if it's thick. Likewise, as you can see above, there might be different variations that are possible. Thus, it's not a matter of "are you physically fine?" but rather "is there anything that can be done to the hymen to help ease penetration?" 

For example, if your GYN takes a look and your hymen is a little on the thicker side AND microperforate, you'd still have your period, your biology would be considered "normal" but see how tiny that hole is? No tampon or penetration could happen there! So a GYN could perform a little outpatient procedure to remove extra tissue, essentially just making that micro hole a little bigger so that penetration, then, is possible!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

As some of the others have mentioned already... check into the dialator set with your GYN. I wish I had received advice like this when we were young. In our situation I believe it would have helped a lot. My wife was at a party with a bunch of her work friends right before Covid-19 started and one of the ladies there was talking about the same thing. The suggestions givin were dialators or sizing up using different toys. While you may feel like your situation is unique and that worries you.... it may be more common than you realize. There isn’t any need for you to put that much pressure on yourself.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Cloe,

I merged your two threads into this one. You will get better responses with only one thread on a topic.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Sounds like your old man can't find the door, get the position wrong and tends Poke around trying to penetrate without knowing where your vagina is. What he may need is your guidance, if you get my drift. 
Make sure you are both in the mood and your equipment is well lubed. My recommendation is KY Ultragel or some similar premium product. A little oral on his part is always good to get the juices flowing Once he's in, you can choose to have sex however you both are comfortable. If I were talking to him, Id advise he thrust with the hips to ensure the maximum pleasure. Moving his entire body in a back and forth fashion, as a suggested option in your picture, with your legs closed is counterproductive for novices. Sides that, he'll need to learn the "motion of the ocean" by using his hips, Most important both of you should pay attention to each others bodies. Once your husband get his groove going, try to move in synch when your husband. Y'all will have to practice until your movements give you the most pleasure. I recommend as he thrust in, his pubic bone lightly nead from the center of your vulva to your mons pubis in a upward fashion. As he thrust out, the head of his penis should rub against your g-spot as he sets up his next thrust in. Y'all can adjust to movement to give you the needed stimulation to reach orgasm.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Cloe said:


> Sorry if silly, but doggy style is from behind right? We have tried this and we've had pleasure from it but in terms of actual penetration rather than rubbing I would say again its more rubbing.
> 
> What I will say is this, in the safety of my anonymity. I often tell my husband he has "shy hands". He is a good lover, I feel. He does give me pleasure. He is kind and attentive and not selfish. All things he is anyway. But he can be "shy". As though he isn't sure if he can touch me or I'll put his hands in places. Once encouraged he comes out of himself more. Again, this could be more to do with no previous experience. Neither of us had sex before each other but I did have boyfriends whereas he didn't. So I had some experience where he has no previous at all really. I would also say that I am more confident than him and can be more "passionate" but tbh we are both inexperienced. So I guess it really is practice and finding our way... with doggy style I'm guessing like you say, he'd had to guide it in, or me help guide him in


Your husbands shyness could be out of respect for and the knowledge that you have some trauma in your past. Has your husband used fingers on you. Kind of like a dialator you can start small and another finger, use lube. Also it will give him a better sense of your anatomy down there, might make sense for you to do this with your own fingers as well. Just keep enjoying the journey, you'll get there soon. The female body was designed to birth a baby so even though your small down there it will eventually fit just fine. Before you know it the two of you are going to be like a couple of bunny rabbits.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Update. I just want to thank everyone who has taken time and thought to reply, so much. I was so nervous saying these things anywhere and was kinda at my wits end. Just being able to say these things has actually helped so very much.

I'd like to say that with renewed determination, I used a dilator set I already from sex therapy last year. I didn't feel ready at the time to use it and hoped me and husband could just go for it and it would happen spontaneously. Now I decided to use it. I managed to use all of the dilators. The first two I could use fully. They could go fully in without pain. At an angle. And obviously the peace of doing it myself, knowing I'm in control. I think that helps. I could use third but only just over half way.. and the last and biggest only by about an inch or less. I would say with my husband I'd been needing to aim for between these two dilators if I wanted to aim for full. I don't know about hymen issues, and maybe this is an issue... but having done this without pain. And to my surprise little difficulty my sense is more confirmed that this is not a structural or psychological issue (on it's own) bearing in mind also that my husband if and when he has been able to enter has only entered by an inch, 2? At the absolute max. The dilators I've used are much longer. And went in fully. I can put tampons in but they just feel uncomfortable so I choose not to. I have had trauma and bad experiences in my life there is no denying that and ongoing support is probably always going to be needed but my feeling is that myself and myself just are taking a slower and much longer journey that maybe others do, than we thought we would... at least I hope so. And I do think the angle and positioning has been wrong due to naivety and lack of experience in what we have been doing!


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Cloe,

This is GREAT news! So there are many different kinds of sets of dilators, and we have no idea what your set looks like (nor do we really need to know  ), but it's my understanding that the first one is the smallest and thinnest one, the second one is a bit thicker and longer, the third is even more big around and even longer... and so on--or alternatively they may all be the same length, but each gradually gets thicker.

The idea is to find one that is closest to your darling hubby in length and in circumference so that it's pretty close to "what you are aiming at" as far as being comfortable. If you have one that is sorta close to his size, and that's the one that goes in about 2 inches before it gets uncomfy, well there ya go! Now you know the eventual goal is to work your way up to feeling relaxed with that size being inserted. 

Another thing that may help him a LOT is to let him watch you insert the one that is the biggest around and longest that you can insert fully and that feels okay for you. So let's say number 2 goes in fully and feels pain free--a ha! Let him watch you so he can see where it goes, what the angle is, how you do it, etc. That way he will be able to see what he should be aiming for: where he will gradually try to go, what angle, doing it like you do it that feels good. Make sense? He'll have to practice just like you do, but maybe you two could do it together: you practice putting in the biggest one that feels like it's a little uncomfy (to let yourself learn to relax and feel that and stretch a little)...and he can practice entering where you put the dilator, the way you do it, at the angle you do it. That way both of you are sharing learning more and more about each other and pleasing each other.

Also, think of it a little bit like stretching before a workout. If you don't stretch, the muscles and ligament are all tense and kind of tight. But if you take time to stretch every day, gradually you can loosen up and bend quite a bit more! Same here. STRETCH a little--it will be a very little bit uncomfy but not hurt--and gradually you can loosen up enough to insert and have a GREAT time!


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

I don't know if anyone else had this impression but this has seemed to me to be one of the most wholesome things that I've read on TAM. The trust, patience, and, well, innocence has been heart warming. I'm glad we didn't scare @Cloe off with all of the detailed descriptions and personal questions.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Affaircare said:


> @Cloe,
> 
> This is GREAT news! So there are many different kinds of sets of dilators, and we have no idea what your set looks like (nor do we really need to know  ), but it's my understanding that the first one is the smallest and thinnest one, the second one is a bit thicker and longer, the third is even more big around and even longer... and so on--or alternatively they may all be the same length, but each gradually gets thicker.
> 
> ...


This is great advice, thank you.

I did use the dilator on my own a few times and then I've shown him me doing putting in. Very interesting, he said! 😅 but yeah, very helpful. I don't know about tilted pelvis etc but I am definitely more straight back and lower towards my tailbone so this has really shown me that is a big reason why we haven't made the progress before. Not for lack of want, just missing the mark and I guess after a while you settle in your comfort zone of what you're comfortable and is easier to do! This definitely feels like progress though. I think I've realised just based on my body etc, I may need to use the dilators daily/weekly to allow my body to stretch and get used to it. Thanks again!


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

Hiner112 said:


> I don't know if anyone else had this impression but this has seemed to me to be one of the most wholesome things that I've read on TAM. The trust, patience, and, well, innocence has been heart warming. I'm glad we didn't scare @Cloe off with all of the detailed descriptions and personal questions.


Bless you! Yes I feel so glad I posted in here. I looked on other forums and it would very seedy or judgmental or a bit weird very fast so I didn't wanna go there. I'm definitely not a prude when it comes to sex, it's a natural, good, wonderful thing! I'd want anyone to feel they are able to come to me about it, and if I ever have children I can only hope and pray that they will be able to get get answers in part from me rather than having to search the Internet for them. Thanks again everyone for being so kind and nonjudgmental and just generally gentle with me!! 😊


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

What is there to be judgemental about?
You've done nothing wrong.
You're trying hard.

Can't imagine who would be judgemental


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Yeah you’re a champ for sticking with it and committing to figuring it out. It must be very frustrating and your attitude is awesome.


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## Cloe (Mar 2, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> Yeah you’re a champ for sticking with it and committing to figuring it out. It must be very frustrating and your attitude is awesome.


Thank you!! 😊


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

Cloe said:


> I think I've realised just based on my body etc, I may need to use the dilators daily/weekly to allow my body to stretch and get used to it. Thanks again!


I hope you two have a beautiful, long lasting marriage (with great sex) lol. Good for you for wanting to make this happen. I would continue since you're making progress. Maybe when you're ready to try again, get on top, so you are in control of pressure/angle, etc.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Cloe said:


> Hi there, thanks for taking time to reply. I have yes and she referred me to a sex therapist who said I had vulvodynia etc. I had domestic violence growing up and an attempted date rape incident as a teen. The diagnosis made a lot of sense due to my symptoms at the time but I have to say I don't really have any of those symptoms anymore. I also had an examination done under anesthesia done around that time and I was told that I was still a virgin (after the traumatic experience) but that I was quite "small".
> 
> Last year I had some sexual therapy and it was very helpful emotionally and in terms of just realising some of the barriers I had mentally due to my experiences.
> 
> ...


When my wife and I had sexual problems after 40 years of marriage, the sex therapist and marriage counselor gave my wife and me a copy the a Sinclair institute better sex video as homework and we had to discuss what we saw and liked or dislike with the ST. Watch it with your H. Ask him if there are things he finds he would like to try. See if there aren't some things the two of you can do to increase intimacy (non-penis-in-vagina) and emotional sexual bonding as you work through the issues.

One of the things you might do is talk to a medical doctor and see if they can prescribe a " medical vaginal dilator set" for you. If you are curious or shy, you can look them up and order them on Amazon. They are roughly smooth penis-shaped objects that you insert into your vagina to gradually stretch if from small to hubby sized. You can do this yourself or turn it into bedroom play with your H. Once that goes well you might try masturbating to better understand your own orgasmic response and how your body responds to stimulation. Again, if for some reason you can't handle that, ask your husband for "a hand."

Good luck


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

What I recommend is that you call around and talk to gynecologist nurses because they will know a lot about the doctor's expertise. And you try to find a female doctor gynecologist who is not an OB. My doctor told me a long time ago not to go to ob's for general gynecological stuff like hormones or anything specialized like this because they probably have not kept up with it because they concentrate on birthing babies.

Find a female doctor because she will be better to understand what you are describing. You need to be examined and then find out what is different in there besides those issues you already said which sounds serious because of the nerve pain especially. nerve pain is nothing to scoff at but there are medicines for it now. 

I have a chronic nerve damage in my leg and when it gets real bad there is a pill for it. I have some sort of nerve thing in one of my feet that I can temporarily solve just by putting asper cream on it. And I have a nervy sensation in my ear nerve tract that I can comfort by putting homeopathic ear drops in. 

So there should be something you can do for the nerve pain part of your problem. 

But you need to talk to a GYN and I would make it a woman because they can really tell what you're talking about better. The way I find mine is I call and ask for the nurse to call back and I just asked them are they primarily an OB or do they keep up with hormone therapy or do any general gynecological surgery. Most of them are obs.

But now with the internet you can also look for their specialties either in Google or in the State medical board. 

There may be something that could be done surgically. It could be a very minor surgery. And they can tell you why your angle is different and whether it's really off or if it's just slightly different. 

Good luck. I had my share of GYN problems as a young woman, so I know how frustrating it can be.


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