# do i seperate or try????



## cobra

hi there i am new to this site but i really need advice.

i have been with my partner for 13 yrs we have 3 boys, 14,14 and 9 yrs old.
my husband is so stubborn and he has so many issues that i am sick of ignoring.. i want to split but feel i cant because of my kids.
i feel that i am independant and dont need to be with someone but my kids love my husband although he spends little time with them, doesnt play and has little in common. My 9 yr old is his biological son and he has similar behaviours and thinks the world of his dad. We have a big mortgage and the house we live in is perfect for our kids. I dont want to leave the house as i dont want to unsettle them.
My marriage is not good, were not intimate and we rarely talk, if we do its because i have forced myself to make the effort in a struggle to make things work.
i work full time and my husband is self employed, we are always struggling with money because he struggles with work. I feel let down all the time. He doesnt seem bothered that i borrow money from my family all the time, i mean literally for food and petrol. I feel angry that i have to do this, if it wasnt for the kids i would go without. I dont think its fair they struggle because of my husbands choice in career. 
I cant talk to him about our problems because he gets angry, i have suggested we may need to sell the house and he just shouts. I am on his case but if i dont he just seems happy to be at home. He is not trying hard to find work and he thinks its all going to fall on his lap.
Im 31 yrs old and feel my lovelife is finished, i feel let down all the time, my husband falls asleep on sofa every day between 6-7pm sometimes earlier and he doesnt come to bed untill 3-4am, waking me up which annoys me as i have work and most of the time he doesnt.
I feel he doesnt care how fed up, stressed and lonely i feel. 
He says he wants us to stay together but thats about all he says.
Im so angry because i feel as soon as the boys are old enough im just going to leave, then i will be older and single. Although my husband is crap i worry he will be on his own and he is 15 yrs older than me. I dont want him to be lonely but i just dont want to be with him for the rest of my life
Am i being unfair or shall i do something about this???????

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
please comment


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## Woodchuck

cobra said:


> hi there i am new to this site but i really need advice.
> 
> i have been with my partner for 13 yrs we have 3 boys, 14,14 and 9 yrs old.
> my husband is so stubborn and he has so many issues that i am sick of ignoring.. i want to split but feel i cant because of my kids.
> i feel that i am independant and dont need to be with someone but my kids love my husband although he spends little time with them, doesnt play and has little in common. My 9 yr old is his biological son and he has similar behaviours and thinks the world of his dad. We have a big mortgage and the house we live in is perfect for our kids. I dont want to leave the house as i dont want to unsettle them.
> My marriage is not good, were not intimate and we rarely talk, if we do its because i have forced myself to make the effort in a struggle to make things work.
> i work full time and my husband is self employed, we are always struggling with money because he struggles with work. I feel let down all the time. He doesnt seem bothered that i borrow money from my family all the time, i mean literally for food and petrol. I feel angry that i have to do this, if it wasnt for the kids i would go without. I dont think its fair they struggle because of my husbands choice in career.
> I cant talk to him about our problems because he gets angry, i have suggested we may need to sell the house and he just shouts. I am on his case but if i dont he just seems happy to be at home. He is not trying hard to find work and he thinks its all going to fall on his lap.
> Im 31 yrs old and feel my lovelife is finished, i feel let down all the time, my husband falls asleep on sofa every day between 6-7pm sometimes earlier and he doesnt come to bed untill 3-4am, waking me up which annoys me as i have work and most of the time he doesnt.
> I feel he doesnt care how fed up, stressed and lonely i feel.
> He says he wants us to stay together but thats about all he says.
> Im so angry because i feel as soon as the boys are old enough im just going to leave, then i will be older and single. Although my husband is crap i worry he will be on his own and he is 15 yrs older than me. I dont want him to be lonely but i just dont want to be with him for the rest of my life
> Am i being unfair or shall i do something about this???????
> 
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> please comment


I had a wonderful day yesterday. I got up early and helped the wife getting Easter dinner ready. Made a huge bowl of potato salad, helped her with odd jobs, then went to the grocery store to pick up any little thing she needed. Got back and had lunch, then lay down for a couple of hours, didn't get any rest...We made out like newlyweds and had wonderful sex, she even modeled lingere for me...Then we got up, fixed a little dinner, then crawled back into bed and watched TV and cuddled till we fell asleep....Is that the kind of Saturday you would like?

Here is a post I made in another forum:

*Would you believe 5 months ago we were in a marital hell? We fought argued, no sex, no intimacy....

My wife was in a depression over loosing 2 sisters. We couldn't communicate, and all I seemed to get from her was hostility...
I told my wife I missed the intimacy, and she almost scoffed at me...She was hostile, negative, and flew into rages....I finally said I was thinking about geting a divorce......

It seemed like we both had a moment of clarity...We both knew we had too much invested in our marriage to just quit...It was then that we did the 5 LL program. The results were astonishing...The change wasn't so much in my wife, as in me....

I realised how much I really loved her, and started showing that love more...The result is that she has blossomed into a warm loving sexual woman...The one I married 47 years ago. 

We have long leasurely sessions of cuddling, talking, and making love like honeymooners.....She reads my TAM posts behind my back, and I recently wrote about how turned on I was about her perfume and silky blouse she wore...Yesterday she unpacked her silky lingere.......

Was it worth the effort? You tell me...

I will say that the book is not the key. There are a dozen or more books out there that would probably work as well...The real key is that BOTH partners want to make the committment to love each other.... *

If you think your husband is willing to commit to loving you, get the book, *"THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES" *and get a motel room for a week end. Have a mini marriage retreat. It did my marriage a world of good.

good luck
the woodchuck


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## cobra

Woodchuck said:


> I had a wonderful day yesterday. I got up early and helped the wife getting Easter dinner ready. Made a huge bowl of potato salad, helped her with odd jobs, then went to the grocery store to pick up any little thing she needed. Got back and had lunch, then lay down for a couple of hours, didn't get any rest...We made out like newlyweds and had wonderful sex, she even modeled lingere for me...Then we got up, fixed a little dinner, then crawled back into bed and watched TV and cuddled till we fell asleep....Is that the kind of Saturday you would like?
> 
> Here is a post I made in another forum:
> 
> *Would you believe 5 months ago we were in a marital hell? We fought argued, no sex, no intimacy....
> 
> My wife was in a depression over loosing 2 sisters. We couldn't communicate, and all I seemed to get from her was hostility...
> I told my wife I missed the intimacy, and she almost scoffed at me...She was hostile, negative, and flew into rages....I finally said I was thinking about geting a divorce......
> 
> It seemed like we both had a moment of clarity...We both knew we had too much invested in our marriage to just quit...It was then that we did the 5 LL program. The results were astonishing...The change wasn't so much in my wife, as in me....
> 
> I realised how much I really loved her, and started showing that love more...The result is that she has blossomed into a warm loving sexual woman...The one I married 47 years ago.
> 
> We have long leasurely sessions of cuddling, talking, and making love like honeymooners.....She reads my TAM posts behind my back, and I recently wrote about how turned on I was about her perfume and silky blouse she wore...Yesterday she unpacked her silky lingere.......
> 
> Was it worth the effort? You tell me...
> 
> I will say that the book is not the key. There are a dozen or more books out there that would probably work as well...The real key is that BOTH partners want to make the committment to love each other.... *
> 
> If you think your husband is willing to commit to loving you, get the book, *"THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES" *and get a motel room for a week end. Have a mini marriage retreat. It did my marriage a world of good.
> 
> good luck
> the woodchuck


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