# Am I reading too much into this?



## gr8one (Sep 4, 2012)

My fiance plays games - constantly. It bothers me, but I haven't confronted him about it yet. I know I should, but I'm scared of the fallout.

Anyway, he recently went away on a trip with the guys - alone. Knowing that often when he is with me/at home/at work he plays games I checked his use over the time he was away...except for logging in right after he came home from (what I assume was the bar at 2 am) to lose a few games, he never even logged in.

Why is he able to go days without playing when he is with his friends, but can't go a day or two without logging in when he is home with me? Is it me he is using his games to avoid - or work - or am I reading too much into his not playing? He does play on the weekends often, when he isn't with his friends. I feel like when he is with them he is happy and doesn't feel the need to play but with me he does. I wonder what is wrong with me.


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## leopardprint (Sep 10, 2012)

I don't think you should "confront". This should be a discussion that you have with your fiance. 

Seems like he might have an addiction. When he is distracted (by friends sometimes) he doesn't feel the need to look for entertainment but perhaps at home he feels like he needs it. 

What do you guys do when he's not playing games? Do you have date nights or go out for dinner? Are you or is he the one that usually initiate couples activities? Sometimes, men find that women put all the pressure on them to find fun new things to do together as a couple that it's easier to just not do it.....


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## Ipman (Sep 11, 2012)

Well in my experience everybody needs a coping mechanism for stress
I know I have some and unfortunately people smoke drink and such.
Maybe he feels for some reason the stress still continues at home he might not feel in his element.
Men don't need to talk about their stresses so don't do that but try maybe to do something fun that HE likes to do with him without judgment and do it as if you love the idea and trust me he'll come around and in return do something you like quid pro quo


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

Talk to him about spending more time doing things together, or better still organise things to do together that he wants to do too. 

I spend hours reading books when at home with my wife. When I stop to watch TV with her she often comments how much she appreciates me joining her. In my mind I never 'left' her, I was by her side the whole time just doing my thing. 

My point of narrating my own experience is that I have no problem with my wife, so I also doubt that he has any problem with you, but rather it is just that I am at home and I find ways to entertain myself as I have had to do all my life.


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## hello86 (Sep 11, 2012)

What type of game is it. Smartphone game, console, or computer. I think these all deserve different analysis. There are also some types of games like mass multi-player online games that some people actually feel as though they live their actual life through the game.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

gr8one said:


> My fiance plays games - constantly. It bothers me, but I haven't confronted him about it yet. I know I should, but I'm scared of the fallout.
> 
> Anyway, he recently went away on a trip with the guys - alone. Knowing that often when he is with me/at home/at work he plays games I checked his use over the time he was away...except for logging in right after he came home from (what I assume was the bar at 2 am) to lose a few games, he never even logged in.
> 
> Why is he able to go days without playing when he is with his friends, but can't go a day or two without logging in when he is home with me? Is it me he is using his games to avoid - or work - or am I reading too much into his not playing? He does play on the weekends often, when he isn't with his friends. I feel like when he is with them he is happy and doesn't feel the need to play but with me he does. I wonder what is wrong with me.


It seems you haven't understood why men game. We do it mostly to satisfy our primal needs of conflict, strife, competition and male bonding. Your guy is with his buddies. He doesn't need to game. He has his buddies and is probably doing guy things. Doing it for real > faking it with games.


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## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

gr8one said:


> My fiance plays games - constantly. It bothers me, but I haven't confronted him about it yet. I know I should, but I'm scared of the fallout.
> 
> Anyway, he recently went away on a trip with the guys - alone. Knowing that often when he is with me/at home/at work he plays games I checked his use over the time he was away...except for logging in right after he came home from (what I assume was the bar at 2 am) to lose a few games, he never even logged in.
> 
> Why is he able to go days without playing when he is with his friends, but can't go a day or two without logging in when he is home with me? Is it me he is using his games to avoid - or work - or am I reading too much into his not playing? He does play on the weekends often, when he isn't with his friends. I feel like when he is with them he is happy and doesn't feel the need to play but with me he does. I wonder what is wrong with me.


I did this for a while too, mostly as a coping mechanism for stress and for male companionship.

Men are physiologically and psychological programmed to compete with one another from birth. For me at least, some games just make me feel alive. I used to not have all that many friends around my geographical area. I played games to get that whole male competition thing.

I think my wife handled it pretty well. Although there were times that she was frustrated about it, she mostly went with it. Something that I will always remember fondly of us is when she decided to play world of warcraft with me a few years ago. It sounds kind of corny, but in my opinion, it was some of the funnest times we have ever had. I could always brag to my friends that my (girlfriend at the time) played video games. It is actually gives you some pretty good bragging rights if your wife games with you.

If you want to try that, try not to play a game with him that is so competitive (a game that forces either you or him to win). Something cooperative is fun.

Anyway, I eventually became less interested in games and spent more times with the friends I was accumulating around me. That is given, however, that every now and then when a new game comes out I will play it obsessively for a week or two.


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