# Ladies am I being needy?



## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

Ok ladies my wife has zero confidence in herself. I try to give her compliments, tell her how much I love her and how much I am attracted to her.

Here is one of my problems she is always wearing baggy clothing. She says its her "Style" but I think she is just trying to hide all her beautiful curves. She is a knock out in my eyes(size 4 or 6 dress 36D:smthumbup

Now last week I bought her a few dresses for her to try with my taste in what would look awesome on her. They are not ****ty just slightly fitted about knee length dresses. I show them to her and she just starts laughing and says no way those are not my "Style". I was thinking....No crap I knew they where not the typical minonite style down to the ground no fitment at all. *Now am I wrong for wanting her try on something new?* 

Then yesterday we had a little talk she is always wearing what she calls COMMFY clothes which are sweats and a guys t shirt which I don't find very attractive and it just says I don't give a crap about my self IMO. So she agrees tomorrow that she will wear something a little fitted for me. Well guess what today she put on jeans which is a start I guess and a baggy shirt. *Now am I being needy here should I just learn to like the sweats and minonite dresses?* 

She buys all of my clothes and I just wear most of it. I tell her if she likes me to wear it then that's all I care about. Why is it so tough for her to give 2 cents about my feelings or opinions? 
It hurts when its always her way or the highway with most things like this. I bought her some nice Pjs about 2 years ago she has worn them 1x it seems like if I say "That looks nice on you" then she refuses to like it. I don't get it

We are in lower 30s and she was never like this 10 yrs ago. So ladies let me know DO you like it when your H or BF buys you clothes or tells you that looks nice or do you just laugh in their face and tell them they don't know what they are talking about? Give me the truth please!


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

I do not like my husband to buy clothes for me or try to pick out clothes with me. I'm sure every woman is different, but I don't like it. It really bothered me to the point that it made me angry when past male partners have insisted on showing me what they'd like me to wear.

I do think it's very SWEET that you care so much about your wife and you want to boost her confidence and make her feel good about how she looks.

And it is legitimately important that you find your wife attractive, and I do think she should try to please you visually. 

I guess I feel like a child when someone else tries to dress me. But that may be my own special little issue


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

oops


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## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

Southernmiss Thanks for the reply not the answer I was expecting but thanks for the honesty.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

For me when I'm dressing like crap it's generally because I don't feel good about myself on the inside and outside. After my babies while trying to get the weight off I wore a lot of baggy clothes . When I feel good about myself I wear more feminine type clothes. 

My husband has never ever said anything about how I dress. He likes it when I dress up but he never comments or asks me to dress differently. I read a book called "For Women Only" and it was very eye opening about the way men feel about their wives appearance. We discussed it and he said that he does like it when I dress up but it's not important to him. Maybe getting her to read that book will allow her to see that it's important to you and lots of other men. 

BTW she sounds like a knockout


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

your wife is definitely a knockout with those dimensions. what can be done about her self-confidence, or depression. I am in decent shape and feel good in a fitted dress or a t-shirt and shorts, but when I was younger, and in even better shape, when I was depressed, the hair went in the pony tail, and the boring unfitted clothes was my style.

Is she depressed or just no confidence? or is it really truly not her style at all? i think she should dress nicer for you. when my husband wears blown out shirts, or the horrible plaid shorts, I let him know how unattractive it is. He looks fine in a t-shirt and jeans, but when he looks like a bum, I don't like it.


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## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

Yes she is depressed and takes med for it. She is currently working on those with the doctor trying to get her mood up. She keeps saying all she needs to do is loose 20 lbs. That's like a bar saying free beer tomorrow...it never comes. It doesn't matter how much she weighs she always needs to loose weight in her mind. 

If she just had a kid or weighed 250 I could understand wearing loose clothing but I keep telling her flaunt your assests to minimize the trouble areas but she doesn't believe me. She says she doesn't have any assets. OMG woman you are so wrong!


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

how about going out on dates where she "has" to look nice. a fancy restaurant, a fancy night out with friends, her b-day?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I have very definite ideas about what I wear and I would not want anyone buying clothes for me.

Some women are more comfortable in baggy clothing. Especially if they have a large chest that they don't want to emphasize.


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## Stuckinrut (Feb 24, 2013)

Its not that she will never dress up. She looks great at a wedding, funeral, Christmas at my parents. But its the going out to dinner, shopping, movie days or Christmas at her parents its "comfy" clothes. Its the majority of the time at home when she could be making my day with a tight tank top and some snug yoga pants she has the baggy sweats and a guys style crusty tshirt on. 

It feels like having a porche in the garage with a tarp over it and I cant drive it or look at it.


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## motherofone (Jan 10, 2013)

Any chance you two could start doing something fitness wise together? It is so wonderful to jog with someone, try something new like yoga or kick boxing. 

Fitness wasn't a big part of my life before... it is now. It helps it really does. I have an inactive partner and am headed for D for other reasons. I wished for a while that I would have someone encouraging who may even just do things with me.

I felt self conscious when he would essentially tell me what to wear. If you want to take her shopping then let her pick things out that maker her feel good, ask her to pick something to try on that is out of her comfort zone for fun. Don't pressure her. It may plant a seed for newness. Change, like trying new foods is sometimes scary but you won't know till you try. 

Shoot I gave stripes and maxi dresses a chance this year. I figure even though I'm in the best shape of my life right now but see my own image as heavier, I wouldn't have another opportunity to pull it off. I get endless compliments in those clothes! One day I will see me as me- I get glimpses every once in a while.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I used to wear really baggy clothes and black or blue. My husband once put his arm through my skirt was like OMG this is way to big for you. He also when shopping would point out to more colorful and flattering clothes and would suggest I try them. I did like some other not too much. But I am greatful he spoke up. It's helped me a lot as a professional too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Despite being skinny I wore baggy clothes most of my adult life. I was hiding because my parents constantly criticized my body. Wasn't until I got a clue about men that I started dressing better. I was in my early 40's. I know....I know....

Before that I hated when he bought me clothes. These days I prefer he buy them because my default is still too big. I think I have serious body image problems. My husband says I'm too thin and I think I'm fat.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Stuckinrut said:


> Ok ladies my wife has zero confidence in herself. I try to give her compliments, tell her how much I love her and how much I am attracted to her.
> 
> Here is one of my problems she is always wearing baggy clothing. She says its her "Style" but I think she is just trying to hide all her beautiful curves. She is a knock out in my eyes(size 4 or 6 dress 36D:smthumbup
> 
> ...


Try reading His Needs Her Needs. Your wanting you wife to not hide her beauty and sexuallity is not being "needy". It is a real need for you.

My wife knows I like her to look nice. I am not obsessive about as she does have her wearing sweats times. Since she has a compatible need to look attractive to me .. it works.

On occasion we will go out shopping. We will pick out cloths that we each think ook nice and she tries them on and shows me. We decide together. These are for around the house and for dates. Now she certainly goes on her own as well but my point is that she is interested in involving me.

I could not handle your situation without having a fundamental discussion and letting my wife know I needed her to dress more attractively. IF this is a problem for your wife, there are bigger issues. She may have a body image issue.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Stuckinrut said:


> Its not that she will never dress up. She looks great at a wedding, funeral, Christmas at my parents. But its the going out to dinner, shopping, movie days or Christmas at her parents its "comfy" clothes. Its the majority of the time at home when she could be making my day with a tight tank top and some snug yoga pants she has the baggy sweats and a guys style crusty tshirt on.
> 
> It feels like having a porche in the garage with a tarp over it and I cant drive it or look at it.


I make sure my wife knows when I think looks nice. I do compliment her but I amy also send her a note on how great she looks. 

I am a guy and I understand your reference. Many may miss it and or turn it into something it is not.

The fact she feels she needs to lose 20 lbs speaks volumes. She has a body image problem OR is using this as an excuse. make sure when she looks nice you let her know.

Also some women will dress like this to avoid intimacy.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

mablenc said:


> I used to wear really baggy clothes and black or blue. My husband once put his arm through my skirt was like OMG this is way to big for you. He also when shopping would point out to more colorful and flattering clothes and would suggest I try them. I did like some other not too much. But I am greatful he spoke up. It's helped me a lot as a professional too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes. We all go through phases in our lives. There was a phase i noticed my wife was not wearing bright or cheerful colors. I helped her through it and still encourage color.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

For birthdays and anniversaries, my H buys me very expensive, beautiful designer clothing. The saleswomen who sell these items are extremely good at understanding how to flatter a figure and play to a woman's sensibilities and taste. I would suggest giving her a gift like this, where she can be pampered in this way, but given advice by people who really know what they are doing & will make her feel good about her obvious assets. They will both help her choose something that she can have a comfort level with, but will also be fashionable and hopefully sexy and beautiful. Quality items draw in a woman.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Stuckinrut said:


> Ok ladies my wife has zero confidence in herself. I try to give her compliments, tell her how much I love her and how much I am attracted to her.
> 
> Here is one of my problems she is always wearing baggy clothing. She says its her "Style" but I think she is just trying to hide all her beautiful curves. She is a knock out in my eyes(size 4 or 6 dress 36D:smthumbup
> 
> ...


Hi ya stuck!

I would LOVE it if my husband did something like that!

I think what you're doing is great! keep it up. I know she's still having a hard time but you are such a wonderful husband I am sure she'll be back to healthy very soon! 

Don't confuse her issues with your needs. have you told her about having the awesome car cooped up in a garage covered by a tarp? I think that's sweet!

You'll get there!


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Stuckinrut said:


> Yes she is depressed and takes med for it. She is currently working on those with the doctor trying to get her mood up. She keeps saying all she needs to do is loose 20 lbs. That's like a bar saying free beer tomorrow...it never comes. It doesn't matter how much she weighs she always needs to loose weight in her mind.
> 
> If she just had a kid or weighed 250 I could understand wearing loose clothing but I keep telling her flaunt your assests to minimize the trouble areas but she doesn't believe me. She says she doesn't have any assets. OMG woman you are so wrong!


Is it possible she has an eating disorder? The baggy clothes is sometimes used to cover up a way too thin body she sees as overweight.

If you suspect an eating disorder pay attention to her attitude with food. Does she eat way too little or does she always go to the bathroom after each meal ? Do large amounts of food just disappear?


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

I wear comfy clothes, because they are comfy. My husband thinks I'm sexy in anything because to him I'm sexy in anything. We also don't buy eachother clothes besides the occasional pair of boxers and socks ect because we have our own tastes.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Most the time I wear comfy clothes too. Not PJ's as much, but jeans/shorts with a baggier T-shirt and a really comfy long sleeve that should be thrown out. Once in a while I'll put a fitted T on. But comfy clothes help me feel better since I do live in severe chronic pain due to a neck injury. This does help me feel physically better. I need new clothes, but I can't go shopping unless someone pushes me in a wheelchair and I hate that. I can only walk short distances. My husband doesn't mind what I wear. When he's at home, he wears comfy clothes as well. He dresses up everyday in very nice work clothes, so switching to comfy feels better to him as well.

We prefer to see each other naked anyways. We still flirt and grope while wearing our comfy clothes.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Have you ever watched the show What Not to Wear? If not, you should watch it. Better yet, send in an entry for your wife to be on the show! If you watch it, you will see that A LOT of women dress really badly (myself included! lol!), many times in oversized, baggy clothes that dont fit or flatter. I hate to say it, but she would probably take suggestions from another female, like her sister or cousin or something. When a husband makes suggestions, no matter how helpful he is truly trying to be, it sounds to the wife's ears like criticism and like he is not happy with her.


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