# Where do i go from here



## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

I originally posted in the addiction part but havent had a comment made so maybe posting here might be better. I have had some good feedback and honest feedback in this section. I posted a few weeks ago regardig my marriage probelms.There as hugee lack of neglect on both our parts although i think more on his part. We have been working on just on the lack of sex and intimacy. As we are to be honest with each other i have found out that he was using porn and masturbaing alot so he wasnt coming to me. I am so hurt and resentful towards him i mean all this time. I know he used porn as we would go months and months without sex...but i thought this own time he just had a low sex drive and didnt need it as much. 

I reacted badly as i felt betrayed and hurt angry. I mean completely body shameding ugly, everything in the book.he apologized and wants to make an amend. He said he is going to stop watching porn and limit his masturbating to when i am not around or willing. I mean i dont get it so enlighten me. I know that i have put him down and i know i wasnt a good wife but he wasnt a good husband either and why was it me that is fighting for us now. I am unsure what the buliding blocks of this is. He as been spoiling me with attention but a part of me feels like its gulit 

We are now setting up MC as these problems go deeper than i thought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

People who become addicted to porn and the accompanying masturbation generally are avoiding intimacy. Porn catches their attention easily, it is titillating without requiring anything in return. The masturbation is also something that requires nothing in return. It is easy to imagine being the perfect lover, to being the perfect partner, to being desired and wanted without the fuss of having to shower or shave, let alone saying the right thing at the right time.  

While I can totally understand your fierce anger and dreadful hurt what your husband needs is a way back to you. The attention he is giving you is no doubt fueled by guilt but that okay! What's wrong with him recognizing how much he hurt you and wanting to make you feel better, feel loved? Isn't that what you wanted?

Until marriage counseling starts, I would urge you to be honest about your hurt feelings but also to make it rather easy for him to find his way back. You need to find a way to get him to open up to you.


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## Juice (Dec 5, 2013)

Hello. I'm sorry for your situation, but I wouldn't take it to personal. Guys watch porn and I'm sure your husband was watching porn before he met you. If he is watching it everyday or not having sex with you that's a different story. Most likely he is watching something that you might do for him and he gets pleasure getting off to it. Good luck be confident and don't beat yourself up over your husband watching porn unless he is ignoring you to watch porn to get off.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> While I can totally understand your fierce anger and dreadful hurt what your husband needs is a way back to you. The attention he is giving you is no doubt fueled by guilt but that okay! What's wrong with him recognizing how much he hurt you and wanting to make you feel better, feel loved? Isn't that what you wanted?
> 
> Until marriage counseling starts, I would urge you to be honest about your hurt feelings but also to make it rather easy for him to find his way back. You need to find a way to get him to open up to you.


It is what I wanted to feel loved and safe again, but being fueled by gulit seems fake This conversation we had a few days ago and the next day,he finally intatied and was eager to please me and go down on me which he hadn't done in years.I mean I refused this/ made an excuse II get myself waxed every 6 weeks but its been like 8 weeks and I have my appointment with this week. The reason I go down on my partner is for them and yes me too but never for gulit. I feel awful not better. We had pretty amazing sex and he wanted more the next morning but we have to young kids so while he was sleeping in he took care of himself without any porn. I mean we just had this conversation about this affects me and he couldn't hold off till the evening and that's what I told him and that I appreciated his honesty. 

I just don't feel much better at all. Still feel awful.I am trying to be loving towards him but I feel ugly.

MC is a must.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So if I understand you, what you want is for him to desire you because of you. Not because he feels guilty, not because he has been neglectful, and not because of a sense of owing you. Right?

Ask yourself this, when you go down on your husband are you thinking how much he enjoys it? Are you looking for his responses? Are you noticing how it makes him feel?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Angel82 said:


> It is what I wanted to feel loved and safe again, but being fueled by gulit seems fake This conversation we had a few days ago and the next day,he finally intatied and was eager to please me and go down on me which he hadn't done in years.I mean I refused this/ made an excuse II get myself waxed every 6 weeks but its been like 8 weeks and I have my appointment with this week. The reason I go down on my partner is for them and yes me too but never for gulit. I feel awful not better. We had pretty amazing sex and he wanted more the next morning but we have to young kids so while he was sleeping in he took care of himself without any porn. I mean we just had this conversation about this affects me and he couldn't hold off till the evening and that's what I told him and that I appreciated his honesty.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



So you rejected him twice? Oh wow. And then you're mad he took care of himself.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

peacem said:


> Does your partner have performance issues? ED, PE, DE?
> In the past he had ED for two years during the rough patches he was upset about it and he never talked about it. He never wanted to have sex but never refused but I didn't engage him either. Felt it was me. I don't know why Pe or de stand for so I can't answer that question.
> 
> Is your partner a confident lover?
> ...


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> So if I understand you, what you want is for him to desire you because of you. Not because he feels guilty, not because he has been neglectful, and not because of a sense of owing you. Right?
> 
> *yes*
> 
> Ask yourself this, when you go down on your husband are you thinking how much he enjoys it? Are you looking for his responses? Are you noticing how it makes him feel?


*I don't look up that often so no I only use this noises and moans he makes*


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Angel82 said:


> It is what I wanted to feel loved and safe again, but being fueled by *gulit* seems fake


In sexuality guilt can be both useful and problematic, but it is indeed mostly problematic. 

*Perceived guilt that is not even there can be a sign that one of the two has issues with their own self acceptance. *

Doing things out of pity for your partner, can be a good way to begin the journey of a needed compromise, but continued use of this technique can be problematic as in:

#1 Please do this for me so I do not cry (very problematic).

#2 Please do this for me because it will help us (better).

#3 What do I have to do to encourage you to do this for us (best)?

It can also help to talk about things that make the two of you feel guilty and try to be aware of them as a couple in order to help each other make sure that guilt is not causing problems. 

Regards,
Badsanta


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

WorkingOnMe said:


> So you rejected him twice? Oh wow. And then you're mad he took care of himself.


I did not reject him from sex. I made an excuse not to go down on me as I didn't want him to do it out of gulit. It does not me me feel good. Would you want you want your partner to go down on you out of gulit or becuase they want to pleasure you and maybe they get pleasure outnof it. He hasnt gone south in 5 years so do you think I rejected him. I made an excuse.I have never rejected my husband but he as never made attempt or a least a noticeable one.

The next morning we couldnt..... We have an 11 month old and a 3 year old I was caring for. He knows the opportunity wasn't there but he couldn't wait till the evening when the kids go to sleep. I get the fact that we should not be rejecting each other at all since the last month we are trying to bond again. He as not refused me nor will I refuse him under circumstances.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The point I was making was that when you go down on your H you're not doing it for your enjoyment. You're doing it because you know he likes it. You're doing it for his responses. You're doing it for him. You enjoy doing it for him. You enjoy that you can make him feel good. You feel good when you can make him feel good. Right?

Lately your H has been trying more with you but you reject it, internally at least, because you think he is doing it just for you. You think he is doing it because he feels guilty. Guilty that he hasn't made an effort to do things for you. He hasn't done things that you enjoy. He hasn't done things that make you respond so positively that it gives him a sense of accomplishment to know he can make you feel good.

It really sounds like your husband is sexually repressed and insecure about his ability to make you feel good. Remember how men seem to think that their penis is the beginning and then and the point of sex and when their penis doesn't work, they are not a man whose mighty penis can be the end and beginning of sex. A sexually repressed man who feels this way and the humiliation of having a penis that doesn't work right is going to avoid sex, avoid talking about sex, avoid anything sex. Why he hasn't gone down on you...anybody's guess but I think it's because he isn't sure how to do it and his humiliation keeps him from braving through it.

But now he is trying and he is toss his humiliation aside to try to make you happy. Rejecting him now, will really set you back.

This isn't about you at all!!! This is 100% him. His erection problem, his repression about sex, his humiliation about not being man enough to keep an erection, and his problematic way of dealing with all of that is to AVOID AVOID AVOID! You could be a supermodel and he would still AVOID. 

I hope your marriage counselor is also good with sex therapy because that's what you both need to get through this.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

badsanta said:


> In sexuality guilt can be both useful and problematic, but it is indeed mostly problematic.
> 
> *Perceived guilt that is not even there can be a sign that one of the two has issues with their own self acceptance. *
> 
> ...


Thank you for writing this expect I don't know how to communicate with him. He wants attention he wants to spend time with me doing the things he wants to do. I am doing that with it. I know I have neglected him there.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Its easy to get trapped in mutual anger, frustration etc. 

It sounds like he wants to make things better. It sounds like you want to make things better.

I suggest you both try to "fake it until you make it". Do nice intimate things for each other - as he offered to do for you. Accept those offers. Just push through the barrier of resentment to where you both realize that you enjoy pleasing each other and that you aren't pretending anymore. 

Otherwise he makes a move - you reject him. Then you will try, and in resentment he will reject you. Life is too short for that.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@Angel82,

Regarding your deferment of your H going down on you until you had your Waxing appointment.


Think about this.

When was the last time a man, your H or any man you've ever heard of, pushing a woman away from a BJ until he got himself properly groomed? Even if SHE might wish him to be well groomed she doesn't let the Hair stop her, nor does he.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Angel do you have any idea how hard it is to try that again after being shot down?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> @Angel82,
> 
> Regarding your deferment of your H going down on you until you had your Waxing appointment.
> 
> ...


 @Angel82 

Unless he has specifically asked you to groom (some men do), don't worry about it. I am reading this book about a researcher that is trying to put together a slide show of women's vulvas in order to demonstrate to a classroom of human sexuality students that everyone is different. These differences make us unique and special as opposed to different and abnormal. The researchers point in assembling the slides is also to demonstrate that even though everyone is different, the components are also aligned to function perfectly healthy and that it is also important to understand that the makeup of these components change over time (young versus mature) in ways that allow exploration to reach new bounds. 

Now the anecdote of this persons research was that she had to go online to find these photos and the majority are of clean shaven, young, and white women. She said that if she could she would encourage more african, asian, and people of varying ethnic backgrounds to post their vulvas online so that there would be more variety that people see online so that everyone can understand that they are normal. 

So my point being, if you can not love and accept your vagina the way it is, DO NOT EXPECT ANYONE ELSE TO BE ABLE TO! 

Apparently you should get a mirror out and explore how you look and be comfortable with it and make sure you understand where each of the parts are located (clit, urethra, and so on). If you can't do that you are the female equivalent of some dude that feels compelled to go online and buy those pills that make his penis bigger so he can finally be accepted and desired among all women. 

Badsanta


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Angel82 said:


> It is what I wanted to feel loved and safe again, but being fueled by gulit seems fake
> 
> .... We had pretty amazing sex and *he wanted more the next morning but we have to young kids so while he was sleeping in he took care of himself without any porn.* I mean we just had this conversation about this affects me and *he couldn't hold off till the evening* and that's what I told him and that I appreciated his honesty.
> 
> ...





Angel82 said:


> I did not reject him from sex. *I made an excuse* not to go down on me as *I didn't want him to do it out of gulit.* It does not me me feel good. *Would you want you want your partner to go down on you out of gulit *or becuase they want to pleasure you and maybe they get pleasure outnof it....
> 
> *The next morning we couldnt..... We have an 11 month old and a 3 year old I was caring for. *He knows the opportunity wasn't there but he couldn't wait till the evening when the kids go to sleep. *I get the fact that we should not be rejecting each other *at all since the last month we are trying to bond again. *He as not refused me nor will I refuse him under circumstances*.





Angel82 said:


> Thank you for writing this expect *I don't know how to communicate with him. He wants attention he wants to spend time with me doing the things he wants to do.* I am doing that with it. I know I have neglected him there.


You have gotten a lot of great advice. I hope that you pay close attention to all the positive suggestions and take them to heart.

Have you ever considered that you are communicating very well with your husband. He may understand how angry you are with him. He may understand that you don't feel you should reject him, but then he sees your actions where you do reject his advances. He may understand you don't want him to masturbate, but you don't take care of his sexual needs when he wants to feel close to you. How do you think that may make him feel?

One of the things you need to fully come to grips with as you approach MC (and I also recommend a sex therapist as opposed to a typical MC) is that "it takes two." It takes two to destroy a marriage and it takes two to rebuild a marriage.

Whether you know it or not, you are probably part of the problem, even if you think you are the victim of his selfishness. One of the things many women don't get is that men want to have sex with a woman, mostly to feel close and connected to that woman. Yes, it feels great, but it also releases bonding hormones that make a man feel really close to a woman and trust her. Men also (because of hormone biology) are more inclined to erections and sex in the morning when the Testosterone is highest. This is especially true as they get older and their T levels drop.

Yes, I understand you have small children. Yes, I understand you prefer to have sex with your H at night after the kids are asleep. But do you understand that you are fighting his biology? Jokes about morning erections are real. 

When he reaches out to you in the morning, have you held him to make him feel loved and told him that you want to have sex with him, but the kids need you now and so you want him to promise you that he will try to be ready for you tonight after the kids are asleep as you want to show him how much you physically love him, or do you just say no not now and push him away? 

Put yourself in his shoes for a while? He is trying to change. If you were him, do you view your actions as supporting his changes or not? It is good that he is trying to change, whatever his motivation. You need to either encourage and support his change or be honest with yourself and him and confess that you don't want him to change.

P.S. Would I want my wife to go down on me out of guilt? Yes, she has never gone down on me, so yes. I would hope that if she did it a few times, it might not be the horrible things she imagines it to be. 

Dr. David Schnarch in his book the Passionate Marriage talks about how difficult marriage is and how it stretches people to the breaking point and makes them grow and compromise. He points out that many things such as French kissing at first seem gross and discusting before one tries them. After all who would want to exchange saliva spit with another person. But after you finally give into a lover and touch tongues, it isn't so bad and you don't catch a cold every time. In fact after you come to grips with it, it becomes part of who you are and it provides you with a kiss that is significantly different from how you would kiss a parent, sibling, etc.

The take away for you is that marriage is about stretching your desires and needs to accommodate your spouses needs in a way that you can live with and that doesn't violate your own moral standards (even it it is something you don't want to do at first). If you H wants to do something sexual, he is an adult and knows what he wants. If you can accommodate him, and love him, then you should enthusiastically do it with him (as you learn and stretch for him). 

Good luck on you MC. I wish you the best.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Him going down on you out of guilt is actually a sign that he CARES about you, that he knows he did you wrong, and is trying to fix it. How can he desire you if you keep shooting him down? 

Yes, he screw up but if you want to work on this marriage, you must realize that it will take time for him to "switch" to more bonding sex, and to re-kindle desire. He shows that he is willing to do that. But it won't work, if you keep rejecting him. 
And don't worry that much about grooming.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> The point I was making was that when you go down on your H you're not doing it for your enjoyment. You're doing it because you know he likes it. You're doing it for his responses. You're doing it for him. You enjoy doing it for him. You enjoy that you can make him feel good. You feel good when you can make him feel good. Right?
> 
> Lately your H has been trying more with you but you reject it, internally at least, because you think he is doing it just for you. You think he is doing it because he feels guilty. Guilty that he hasn't made an effort to do things for you. He hasn't done things that you enjoy. He hasn't done things that make you respond so positively that it gives him a sense of accomplishment to know he can make you feel good.
> 
> ...


I never thought about it this way. I know my part in all this I truly know its not just about me. I was selfish....but I was also hurt.I stopped going down on him for a long time or rarly did becuase the rejection I was feeling from him not making any effort. He never made any effort.

I know this sounds childishand it is. That's why I am making such an effort now and that's why he is making an effort too but I am still hurt by it. That I was the one who had to say enough is enough.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
OK fix it. When you both are home, tell him you are sorry you rejected him. Demonstrate it by doing whatever is his absloute favorite thing in bed - right then. I bet he reciprocates. Do this for a week and I think it will become natural - and fun. 




Angel82 said:


> I never thought about it this way. I know my part in all this I truly know its not just about me. I was selfish....but I was also hurt.I stopped going down on him for a long time or rarly did becuase the rejection I was feeling from him not making any effort. He never made any effort.
> 
> I know this sounds childishand it is. That's why I am making such an effort now and that's why he is making an effort too but I am still hurt by it. That I was the one who had to say enough is enough.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Of course you're hurt!!! I would be too, so would any woman! I'd have refused to go down on him too, come to think of it, I have done just this and for just this reason. I totally get how you don't want to force him to do something if it grosses him out because what woman doesn't have a love hate relationship with her lady parts!!! I mean we get to see it in its undignified, inglorious, natural state doing what it does naturally and we've been conditioned to feel so self conscious we can't even enjoy what should be HIGHLY enjoyable! I totally totally get it! 

I'm a few years down the road from you so I'm hoping you avoid the years of stupidity I had to go through because we didn't have the inter webs back in the Stone Age and there was no one to ask.

Never refuse him when he wants to head south. If you feel some cleaning up is in order, just ask him to hang on a sec you'll be right back. Baby wipes are your friend. Tell him what feels good and tell him if there is something specific you want him to do. Once he knows he can rock your world he will be all over that thang!

Regarding him making moves in the morning when you were sleeping in and needed to sleep. I've got a couple of thoughts.
1. What's the harm in offering a quickie? You could have gone right back to sleep, hopefully.
2. If the quickie is out, and I don't blame you I hate them, you grab his penis and tell him he better bad it for later that night when your teeth are brushed and can enjoy the world being rocked!
3. After the fact, remind him through out the day he is saving it for you.
4. But it's over and done so now it's time to be honest and talk with him. Decide how you two want to handle those situations. Be open about feeling self conscious. You need him to communicate his desire for you, he needs to know that. Most men do not understand that part. Except of course the men of TAM who are all brilliant lovers I am sure!


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Angel do you have any idea how hard it is to try that again after being shot down?


I did not think this was shooting him down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Right.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

Young at Heart said:


> You have gotten a lot of great advice. I hope that you pay close attention to all the positive suggestions and take them to heart.
> 
> Have you ever considered that you are communicating very well with your husband. He may understand how angry you are with him. He may understand that you don't feel you should reject him, but then he sees your actions where you do reject his advances. He may understand you don't want him to masturbate, but you don't take care of his sexual needs when he wants to feel close to you. How do you think that may make him feel?
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> OK fix it. When you both are home, tell him you are sorry you rejected him. Demonstrate it by doing whatever is his absloute favorite thing in bed - right then. I bet he reciprocates. Do this for a week and I think it will become natural - and fun.


I would if i knew what he wanted but he doesnt commuicate his desires or wants.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
hopefully if you make your best guess, he will appreciate the effort and reciprocate.



Angel82 said:


> I would if i knew what he wanted but he doesnt commuicate his desires or wants.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

I am not sure what to think but my husband apologized when i put into perspective. But i dont think i over interpted the situatuon and keep in my mind i am completely body shattered.

After some responses i didnt turn realize i had turned down my husband who made an effort to do something he hadnt done in a very long time. I sent a text message...justthat i was fantasy about it and left as maybe tonight? No pressure and expectations. Respond to it was for sure

I put on a piece of lingrie that covers most of my bodythat i am not happy with...baby belly and scar from my csections. Its a crotchless thing so it doesnt need to come off and covers my lady parts but easily can be pushed to the side

The evening comes around not to provide too much information my husband always gets a warm up as he gets all the time we have sex. I have no hang up on this and i am happy to do to it..finally he does the one thing i have fantasies about and lasted a 
Whole 10 mins cause he gagged on some hair and then after that he wanted a warm up again.

I mean selfish....no....is that not selfish.

I keep my mouth quiet. I mean i needed the whole story..so we talk in bed a bit...i say okay next time the hair wont be an issue .... ( get it..my hubby as done some manscaping and i am okay..at this point not hurt....maybe next time you could go down on me first...well my hubby tellls me that he likes to be turned on first (ok...whatever to each there own. But please someone agree me cause

i interpreted it as 

I want you groomed- i need to be turned on before i can go down on you-but i get turned off by it so i need help getting turned on again.

I know that the men on TAM probably believe that i should have keep my mouth shut. But i called him out on it. How would you feel if your wife did that

Am i wrong here....he apologized but the hurt is still there even thou i have accepted his apologize i am even more hurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think you were right to call him on it. That was a douche move on his part.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

When people are aroused their inhibition is lowered. The more aroused, the less inhibited.

I know you were avoiding getting too graphic but I'm unclear on what the warm up is for your H. Are you talking about blowing him to get him aroused? 

Before he can comfortably go down on you, you have to go down on him to get him aroused enough to lower his inhibitions enough?

It's no unheard of that a man will lose his erection while he is going down on a woman. He is concentrating on what he is doing. Can't send blood to both brains at the same time.... 

I hate hair in my mouth too and unless I've taken my H to the point of no return, I have to stop and pull that hair out. Which is why I like him shaved.

However your H has left you feeling undesired due not only to his porn overuse but also because he hasn't gone down on you. He needs to stop being such an ass and recognize how his neglect has left you feeling undesired and unwanted. He doesn't get it or he is unbelievably selfish!

I think I would not only call him on it but it would be a VERY long time before I would go down on him. A VERY VERY long time.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> When people are aroused their inhibition is lowered. The more aroused, the less inhibited.
> 
> I know you were avoiding getting too graphic but I'm unclear on what the warm up is for your H. Are you talking about blowing him to get him aroused?
> *yes this is what i am talking about. My definition of aroused coukd be different but he does not need a bj to have an ererction. However i know he enjoys and why would i refuse when i am trying to get him back to me. We talked again after my post and he had dome anxiety about it as its been do long. He was tryinbto say ot was easier to be more comfortable by me going first. I think just been walking on eggshells around me right now. I guess its easier when you jave had time to think about it*
> ...


* i wish that i could do that but than i feel like it would be repeating history*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Angel82 said:


> * i wish that i could do that but than i feel like it would be repeating history*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So we're back to the beginning. 

Selfish?
Clueless?

He wants a BJ, he likes a BJ. But the though of returning the favor....? No thought or didn't know you liked that?

Is it possible your man knows all he knows about sex through porn? If you think that's true than your h has some serious learning to do. Google, "how to make love to my wife" "how to get my wife to orgasm" "sex instructions for husbands" "how to go down on my wife" "cunnilingus for beginners"

All he has to do is put in a little bit of effort. This isn't brain surgery!


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

Anon Pink said:


> So we're back to the beginning.
> 
> Selfish?
> Clueless?
> ...


*i am thinking its bit of both. Before i even got to look at this reasources tou provided me. He tells me today he was reading up on cunnilingus. I have never heard of this so he was explaining. Hes making effort and i think that he just didnt realize how horrible our relationship was. A least o know he is making an effort he wants change. I am noticing a huge change in his personality. He is looking at maybe a career change, hes is working on hobbies that he hasnt touched in years. Hes planing a trip with a friend ( he doesnt go out at all). I think hes actually been more inspired to do things. I also noticed that hes been coming to me more in the last few days and taking more charge. I am going with the flow and trying not to being up the past too much as i am seeing a change since i decided to break this cycle. I know we have a long way to go but i appreciate home putting in effort. m*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Angel82 said:


> *i am thinking its bit of both. Before i even got to look at this reasources tou provided me. He tells me today he was reading up on cunnilingus. I have never heard of this so he was explaining. Hes making effort and i think that he just didnt realize how horrible our relationship was. A least o know he is making an effort he wants change. I am noticing a huge change in his personality. He is looking at maybe a career change, hes is working on hobbies that he hasnt touched in years. Hes planing a trip with a friend ( he doesnt go out at all). I think hes actually been more inspired to do things. I also noticed that hes been coming to me more in the last few days and taking more charge. I am going with the flow and trying not to being up the past too much as i am seeing a change since i decided to break this cycle. I know we have a long way to go but i appreciate home putting in effort. m*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




Alright! Now that's an excellent husband!

Well done Angel. You spoke up and now things are improving!


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