# Too Sensitive? Probably, I just don't know



## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

Today I went for a walk at the mall. Too hot outside and our treadmill is in the breezeway where it's no ac. I was walking up to the house after my walk and my hubby opened the front door. I stupidly thought it was to let me in. Apparently not, he was looking at the neighbors cat (more about her later) on our front lawn. He saw me, proceeded to slam the door shut while I had to walk around the house to the back in 100 degree heat. NICE!

Earlier this single lady next door texted him to ask if he could take her to pick her car up from being serviced at the Ford dealership. Fine, I have no prob with that. Then she texts him to ask if he can feed her cats this weekend as she will be away. Fine again, no prob. THEN she texts him Happy Birthday. She says it was a mistake, she meant to text her niece. OK but then of course he has to call her and yuck it up haha it isn't my birthday. THEN he says he is going to text her and ask where his birthday gift is and I said NO let it go. 

Should I just let stuff like this go, hold it in and just try and swallow my hurt feelings?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

No holding things in never works. Speak up!!


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> No holding things in never works. Speak up!!



That is what he says too. Now he is being over solicitus (SP?) and I feel bad. Thanks.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I spent YEARS not saying when things bothered me and all it did was fester inside me. Now speaking up has it's cons sometimes but the pros far outweigh them.

Either you feel bad today or you feel bad later. Take your pick. I'd rather do it today and get it over with.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Speak up!!!
Why has the neighbour got your hubs cell phone number anyway?????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

shes crossing the line!!!!!!!!!!! silly string her car when its really hot out so it will melt into it

really, i think you are better then me. I would have said hell no to the cat feeding thing. shes using him and trying to be sly about hitting on him. if she really wanted to tell him happy birthday (even though it wasnt)
she could have easily walked up to your front door knocked and told him. thats what a respectful woman would do!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i dont understand the slamming the door thing, that boggles my mind


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Speak up!!!
> Why has the neighbour got your hubs cell phone number anyway?????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


O he has everyone's cell number and visa versa. The 91 year old lady down the road, the neighbor across the street. It is just weird. I never lived like that, so close to my neighbors and it's hard to get used to. 

I will say she never calls or texts, maybe twice or three times a year. Sorry I made it sound like she does it all the time, but yes I find it very strange to have all your neighbors cell phone numbers too.


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> shes crossing the line!!!!!!!!!!! silly string her car when its really hot out so it will melt into it
> 
> really, i think you are better then me. I would have said hell no to the cat feeding thing. shes using him and trying to be sly about hitting on him. if she really wanted to tell him happy birthday (even though it wasnt)
> she could have easily walked up to your front door knocked and told him. thats what a respectful woman would do!


She never calls or texts, maybe twice a year and I really like her, she is a very nice lady but again like I've said before on other posts this neighborhood is just too close. They all have each others cells numbers, just very strange.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Totally innapropriate. She should be asking you not him. No he shouldn't be taking her to pick up her car, she should ask you, and if she's not comfortable with that then it shouldn't happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

DiZ said:


> O he has everyone's cell number and visa versa. The 91 year old lady down the road, the neighbor across the street. It is just weird. I never lived like that, so close to my neighbors and it's hard to get used to.


My husband is a cop and he has everyone's phone number too. He does it cause he's so darn helpful and friendly. Our new neighbor's husband had a heart attack. My husband heard the call come out and rushed home. He's been checking on both of them for the past week since it happened via phone as well as visiting. Whole conversations that I know nothing about. I just now met the wife yesterday. LOL

I don't live like this either but he does.

Thankfully I trust him 100%. He's too honorable to cheat. This is a man who beyond ethical almost to the point of being over the top.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> Totally innapropriate. She should be asking you not him. No he shouldn't be taking her to pick up her car, she should ask you, and if she's not comfortable with that then it shouldn't happen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

im with you on this one. women need to discuss with women and men with men!!!!! well put!


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

maybe for safety? i dont know many neighbors now days that are that close. around here anyways!

i understand you may like her, which makes it hard for you.
i can see where you would be angry at her for being persistant with your husband.
your husband also was going to give in to the text message until you put your foot down!!! 
this little miss lady next door is starting to overstep her boundaries! not good.


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> My husband is a cop and he has everyone's phone number too. He does it cause he's so darn helpful and friendly. Our new neighbor's husband had a heart attack. My husband heard the call come out and rushed home. He's been checking on both of them for the past week since it happened via phone as well as visiting. Whole conversations that I know nothing about. I just now met the wife yesterday. LOL
> 
> I don't live like this either but he does.
> 
> Thankfully I trust him 100%. He's too honorable to cheat. This is a man who beyond ethical almost to the point of being over the top.


Sounds like my husband, helpful to a fault.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> im with you on this one. women need to discuss with women and men with men!!!!! well put!


Depends. I have ZERO interest in helping the neighbors but my husband lives for those kind of things. So I'd much rather she talk to him than me. If for any reason I were threatened by her or any other woman I'd speak up. So far in 21 years that has never happened.

Once he was helping the widow of an officer who had been killed in the line of duty. He began to feel her calls were becomming inappropriate so HE stopped it and told me about it afterwards.

I know now there are no definate rules on these type things. What works for me might not work for others. I'm not going to stop my husband from helping women. I have faith that his boundaries are very strong.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

DiZ said:


> Sounds like my husband, helpful to a fault.


Yep. I've had to put my foot down when he was spending more time helping others than he was us. It's more balanced now.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

you actually bring up a good point. 

the whole boundary, the other person shouldnt be disrespectful, but the person in the relationship can reject it, depending the situation. so i agree with that too! glad your husband has enough respect for you to do so


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> you actually bring up a good point.
> 
> the whole boundary, the other person shouldnt be disrespectful, but the person in the relationship can reject it, depending the situation. so i agree with that too! glad your husband has enough respect for you to do so


Yes my husband respects me and our marriage. I've never once felt threatened by the women he helps. I know my husband well. That's just his nature and there is no way I would take that away from him.

Now if he is helping a super model on a regular basis I might have to put a stop to that. :lol:


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

*LittleDeer* said:


> Totally innapropriate. She should be asking you not him. No he shouldn't be taking her to pick up her car, she should ask you, and if she's not comfortable with that then it shouldn't happen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds like you think that any contact between neighbors of the same sex is just a pretext to flirt or worse? So the woman who lives next door to me has to wait until my wife comes home from shopping to ask her if I can un-stick the gate latch even though I'm standing right there tending my own yard? I would be pissed if my wife thought she should be able to exert that kind of control over me, and also that she didn't trust me with another woman. Heck, I'm in the workplace 50 hours a week, why not worry about that, too. 

The fact is, I'm helpful to my neighbors and they are helpful to me. There's nothing more to it. And one great payoff is that we've had a few blizzards that represented hours of shoveling by hand where one of my neighbors came over with his big a$$ snowblower and did my entire driveway. Works for me.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

DiZ said:


> She never calls or texts, maybe twice a year and I really like her, she is a very nice lady but again like I've said before on other posts this neighborhood is just too close. They all have each others cells numbers, just very strange.


We ALLLLLLLL BUNDLEEEEE!!!!!

OK sorry I couldnt help that. Yes speak up !!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Sounds like you think that any contact between neighbors of the same sex is just a pretext to flirt or worse? So the woman who lives next door to me has to wait until my wife comes home from shopping to ask her if I can un-stick the gate latch even though I'm standing right there tending my own yard? I would be pissed if my wife thought she should be able to exert that kind of control over me, and also that she didn't trust me with another woman. Heck, I'm in the workplace 50 hours a week, why not worry about that, too.
> 
> The fact is, I'm helpful to my neighbors and they are helpful to me. There's nothing more to it. And one great payoff is that we've had a few blizzards that represented hours of shoveling by hand where one of my neighbors came over with his big a$$ snowblower and did my entire driveway. Works for me.





i wouldnt say it has to do with control.
helping is fine, but not when she is texting...
and if his wife is home then yes she should ask her.
for a long car ride? another man and woman....
oh by the way will you come take care of my cat for me...
oh and happy birthday...

yea, shes not being persistant!!!!!!!!!!

please.


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> Totally innapropriate. She should be asking you not him. No he shouldn't be taking her to pick up her car, she should ask you, and if she's not comfortable with that then it shouldn't happen.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Our power went out 11 last night. 9 this morning she texts him from work asking of the power is on yet. Ruined my morning. Just about at my limit with him and everything. Thinking of just leaving and living with my folks for awhile.


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## hunter411 (Jun 4, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I'm not going to stop my husband from helping women. I have faith that his boundaries are very strong.


Thats what I thought about stbxw, obviously I was off the mark on that one.


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

Here is my take. I was brought up in a traditional setting. 3 kids, great 60's childhood, great memories and my folks going on their 59th anniv. My dad would never ever think about texting or calling another woman. That is the example I had of marriage. My husband on the other hand? Hid dad died when he was 12, mom never remarried, he had no example of anything male or father oriented except for an older brother who more or less took over.

I feel texting the opposite sex is inappropriate. I would never do it and feel good about it. I know for a fact this woman is not after my husband, yes it still bothers me, but I know the last thing she wants is an overweight, hairy little man in her bed. LOL

It still irks me when she texts tho!!! Why if I know it won't lead to anything. The close to the neighbors thing is another thing I never dealt with. We were brought up it's ok to help your neighbors but not be in their lives to the extent where you call them everyday for help. Once in a while of course but NOT EVERY DAY!!! This woman does not do that, now the little 91 yr. old a few doors down? She does call everyday which gets tiring but my hubby should of known it would come to that . She irks me too, I think I see it as taking away from our time especially if we are in the middle of a discussion or something else.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Why is she texting him and not you? There is nothing that she has asked of him that she could not ask of you. We are on friendly terms with all of our neighbors and none of their wives texts me instead of my wife. Also, none of the husbands texts my wife instead of me. Just like when you are trying to date someone, she is fishing (making excuses to make contact) and it looks like she has your husband on the hook. You have a right to put a stop to it now. Do not back down on this as the longer it goes one the harder it will be to stop.


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

TRy said:


> Why is she texting him and not you? There is nothing that she has asked of him that she could not ask of you. We are on friendly terms with all of our neighbors and none of their wives texts me instead of my wife. Also, none of the husbands texts my wife instead of me. Just like when you are trying to date someone, she is fishing (making excuses to make contact) and it looks like she has your husband on the hook. You have a right to put a stop to it now. Do not back down on this as the longer it goes one the harder it will be to stop.


I moved into his house, his neighborhood. He has known her for 20 years. I have known her for 4. I guess that is why.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

hunter411 said:


> Thats what I thought about stbxw, obviously I was off the mark on that one.


Was wondering how long it would take before someone said this to me. LOL

Been married 21 years. If he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat. All I can do is affair proof my marriage, stay aware and let the rest go.

Sorry you got cheated on.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

DiZ said:


> We were brought up it's ok to help your neighbors but not be in their lives to the extent where you call them everyday for help. Once in a while of course but NOT EVERY DAY!!!


Yes this is a problem. Been there with my husband. It wasn't him cheating that concerned me it was that he was putting others before me and our kids. He couldn't say no so I put my foot down and said it for him. He's better now about checking with me FIRST before he helps someone now.

Wasn't trying to rain on his parade but I was NOT okay with him spending that much time helping others at our expense.

Moderation is key.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

DiZ said:


> Our power went out 11 last night. 9 this morning she texts him from work asking of the power is on yet. Ruined my morning. Just about at my limit with him and everything. Thinking of just leaving and living with my folks for awhile.


did he text her back?

IMO, he needs to delete the number from the phone and put a block on it if it keeps happening.
i think you should walk next door and tell her she is having inappropriate behavior. afterall, you are the one hurting and shes not even caring that shes overstepping boundaries!!!
but she doesnt know how you are feeling either. make it known. i feel that you will feel much better once you get it out of your system with her!


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## amillionpieces85 (Jul 23, 2011)

Something tells me this neighbor is bad news. She doesn't text him, maybe 2-3 times a year, but she texted him 2-3 times in one day?? I dunno, I'd look into their communication more if I were you ..


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