# do you think a 6 month wait in a relationship for sex is too long?



## randomgirl1 (Nov 19, 2011)

I'm 21 and a virgin. I'm dating a guy for 4 months. I love him more than any guy I've ever loved. But I'm not open to doing any sexual acts until we're at least together 6 months. To me I have to see that we will be able to wait for marriage if I chose to. My best friends thinks this is absurd? I guess because I'm not even sure if we'll actually have sex before marriage. My rules are dating a month before making out and 6 months before any intimate contact. I guess after 18 months if we aren't married and just engaged that's pretty much where my mark is at to actually have sex. I'm scared of actually intercourse. I'm not as fearless as other women. I hurt a lot just by attempting a tampon. I don't know if I'm able of having sex. I don't even want to do it I have no desire to do it. I'm more into anal or oral sex. But it seems like the guys I have dated never stick around long enough for me to feel comfortable to do anything. And my friends say I'll never find a guy to stick around because I wait too long what do you think? My relationship now it comes up a lot but things are ok. I think he accepts that I'm not like the average girl who waits a couple months. I was raised religiously. I thought it was only natural to wait til 6 to 12 months. Advice?


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

It's not common to wait that long, but you should not have sex until you feel ready to. And when you do feel ready to, do it  I think putting arbitrary time limits on things is silly, though. What's the actual difference between 6 months and 5.9 months or 6.2 months? Why does that even matter to you?


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## randomgirl1 (Nov 19, 2011)

yea well with sex I don't actually think I'll be really ready to do it because to me it's like a big sacrifice so I feel I am only do that to someone I'm really ready to have sex it's not a thing I want to do and am scared of it. For circumstances of course.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

If you don't want to have sex, DON'T HAVE SEX. Please respect yourself enough for that. 

Not everyone wants to have sex by x age. That's fine. If you want to be in a sexual relationship (like a marriage) but don't want sex, you probably need counseling (sex therapist might be able to help) because it is NOT fair to get into a sexual relationship when you do not intend to be a sexual partner to the other person. 

In other words, no, you don't get to be married and not have sex. BUT you don't have to get married and you don't have to have sex if you don't want to!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

omega said:


> In other words, no, you don't get to be married and not have sex. BUT you don't have to get married and you don't have to have sex if you don't want to!


This is true but you left a part out.

If you don`t want a sexual relationship and don`t have a sexual relationship it`s unlikely you`ll ever have an actual intimate relationship with a man.

Don`t think the OP wants to pass on that entirely.


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## randomgirl1 (Nov 19, 2011)

well I like the relationship with a guy. I mean being a woman sex as a virgin isn't pleasant so obviously I don't want the time to come fast you know. Maybe you don't understand because you don't have that perspective but that's mine.


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## randomgirl1 (Nov 19, 2011)

I want a sexual relationship but I put it off but to me I get in relationship for intention for being together forever.... 6 mo compared to forever is a little.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

randomgirl1 said:


> well I like the relationship with a guy. I mean being a woman sex as a virgin isn't pleasant so obviously I don't want the time to come fast you know. Maybe you don't understand because you don't have that perspective but that's mine.


No I understand your point I just wanted to let you know that while the fear is perfectly understandable you can`t let it mess up your relationships.

I think you have a good attitude about what you`ll do and when.
Those are your boundaries and you`re comfortable with them don`t change them lightly but don`t allow them to be completely carved in stone at such a young age either.

You`re going to be doing a lot of changing in the next few years.
You`ll need a little flexibility.

It`s true you may have a hard time finding someone to wait 6 months but it`s hardly impossible and when he does come along you`ll know he`s willing to invest in you.

I think you`re fine.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> I'm scared of actually intercourse. I'm not as fearless as other women. I hurt a lot just by attempting a tampon. I don't know if I'm able of having sex. I don't even want to do it I have no desire to do it. I'm more into anal or oral sex.


 Does your boyfriend know you have NO desire for it at all ? I understand the worry of pain issue, heck I didn't even know what to do with a tampon till after I had a baby! The worry of pain is normal . But NOT having any desire to engage in sex, I never had that problem, wanted it terribly bad. All kinds of desire & lust welled up, I dreamed about it. Do you want his TOUCH ? 

6 months , in my opionion, is not waiting too long at all . I don't think it is ever wise for women to jump for sex too soon, just did a long post (half way down this page) on this very issue >>> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/34971-male-sex-drive-6.html If I shared how long my husband waited for me, your jaw would drop. It was a bit overkill. My husband respected my wishes at every turn so he made this a breeze for me . I never feared loosing him though, we could have engaged earlier, I would have never been hurt emotionally. 

SEXUAL uninterest in the wife is near the #1 reason for men to suffer after the vows though , so I wouldn't under-estimate the sheer importance of you exploring more in this area , shut all of your friends out of this, and their expectations, what will give you *peace* with his man ?? But in that same token -- if you have no desire for sex at all, this will not be fair to him. So do work on your sexuality during these years of dating -even if between you, yourself and a little of him -even if not intercourse - till you are sure you are ready. Have you ever explored masterbation?


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

I do understand your perspective. I'm a woman. I'm not a virgin now, but I was one until I had sex the first time! We've all been there so we know what it's like. For me it wasn't painful at all, actually. Most of my girlfriends say the same thing. Of course if you're terrified and tense and freaking out, yeah, it's going to hurt like a b!tch.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

I was close to the 4 month mark when i had sex for the first time at 17. I didn't set a timer on it just when it happened it happened as long as I felt ready. I was scared as well not knowing what to expect, pain or whatever. But with him it just felt right once it started and soon (like 30 secs) into it I wasnt even thinking about my fears of sex. Granted he ended up being the only guy I was sexual with and now is my husband. 

Have you talked with your gyno about the pain you experience with tampons?


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

wait wait wait, your a virgin but you've done oral and anal sex....

I dont agree with timelines, as if some magical date on the calendar is going to make it any different. Trust your feelings, and if you feel like having sex, then do it. Likewise if its not comfortable yet, then wait until you are.


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## randomgirl1 (Nov 19, 2011)

like I said I do want a sexual relationship in every way I just was saying I didn't really find an interests in sexual intercourse but I am physically and emotionally attracted. Sorry for the miscommunication.

my bf and I talked it over but he's said if I feel close enough but I don't know I guess I am set in my ways a bit.


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## randomgirl1 (Nov 19, 2011)

I've never done any type of sex that's just what I'm open to if I got in a serious enough relationship with a guy. Haven't done it thoug but want to someday.

no I was told it's normal to feel pain plus it's like when I mention it they always say I was tense but I'm not never am. But I guess maybe it's cah though I have no abnormalities so idk.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

randomgirl1 said:


> like I said I do want a sexual relationship in every way I just was saying I didn't really find an interests in sexual intercourse...QUOTE]
> 
> Im sure thats a normal thing. You've never had it, so your not in any hurry.
> 
> Ultimately its up to you to decide when you want to start having sex. Just keep in mind that once you start your going to wish you started a long time ago.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

When i complained to my gyno about pain I was told it was probably normal period pains well I pushed the issue and they agreed to do a sono and i had a huge cyst and ended up loosing an ovary. Moral of the story if something is bothering you and causing pain chances are its probably not normal and don't believe a Dr just cause its a dr telling you. 

There is a medical condition, which I can't remember the name of, that causes pain in the vagina during sex/insertion. I believe MTV did a true life story on it.


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