# I think he is selfish... please help



## nunya (Jul 13, 2011)

*New Here. I think he is selfish... please help*

DH is a wonderful man with one serious flaw, he is selfish. He has his man toys (truck, boat, car, motorcycle, etc) that seem to take priority over other issues. He buys what he wants even when things need to be done/fixed around the house. He is never content with what he has. He also likes to be the big man on campus and call all the shots in this marriage.

I know he works hard and wants to "play harder", but I think this is unacceptable. I believe he likes to look successful... he is, but it's almost like he is a bragger about it. I, on the other hand, am quite content with what I have, which is very little. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do. I'm tired of taking a back seat to his stuff. Please help, will he ever change?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't know about the rest of it... But I'm willing to bet he won't change unless there a reason to change. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

What's wrong with bragging about your success, if you can afford to brag about it? It sounds like the real issue here is that you are feeling left out of things and are resentful of his "man toys". By the way, my wife has a truck, car, and TWO motorcycles (and wants a third). I've never considered her selfish.

It sounds to me like you need to talk to him about feeling left out.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You need to sit him down and talk.

The calling "all the shots" is a problem. Marriage is a compromise.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What sorts of things does he "call all the shots on?"

Does he consider your feelings/opinions?


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## nunya (Jul 13, 2011)

I am not resentful of his many toys... only when they interfere with the needs of the household. He has actually purchased a new vehicle when a major plumbing repair was needed on our house. He didn't care about the house, and since the house was mine before we got married, he thinks it's my responsibility and not his. He calls the shots because he does not compromise at all. Where we go, when we go, what church we go too... all his decisions. 

IMHO, I think when people brag too much, its a sign of unhappiness. Like you are trying to prove how important you are to others. I'm happy with what I have, and I don't need to brag. (just my humble opinion)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

nunya said:


> He has actually purchased a new vehicle when a major plumbing repair was needed on our house.
> 
> He calls the shots because he does not compromise at all.
> 
> Where we go, when we go, what church we go too... all his decisions.


Big red flags.

Has he always been this way?


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## nunya (Jul 13, 2011)

Yes, pretty much so. I do love him, but I'm feeling trapped, and scared.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

If you are married the marital debt will be 50% yours. That is something to take very seriously.

Also it's not manly, it's very childish to put wants before needs and to spend money on things you don't need when things you do need are glaringly obvious.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

nunya said:


> I do love him, but I'm feeling trapped, and scared.


Tell him that.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

My H is selfish, and has lots of expensive toys too.

I think that ppl like him do not have joy inside, and try to fill this void with stuff. For a while it works, they feel joy, excited with their new toy. Then when it gets old they want something else.

In some way their like children. They want what they want and won't take no for an answer. If you object they see you as the bad guy. One things for sure they're always going to keep you in debt.


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## StayGravity (Oct 23, 2011)

It does sound like he has some selfish traits when it comes to doing things around the house or paying for things that need to be done. 

Regardless if the house was yours before you got married, it is both of yours now and he should be doing what he can to help out repair and maintain it. 

Now with his toys. IMHO it sounds like while you don't care if he has the toys, you are jealous of the toys because he spends more time with them than he does with you. 

Something I figured out a long time ago. Marriage is give and take. You can't expect one side to all the giving and the other to do all the taking. It kind of sounds like each of you is taking and neither is giving. 

Next time your DH wants to take the boat out, Go with him. Pack a lunch, have everything ready and go. If he is fishing and you don't want to, don't fish, just lay there and get you a tan or bring a book along or bring something along you want to do. The important thing is being together. The next time you have something you want to do, he very well may just think, hmmmm she went with me, now its my turn. 

Its funny what you will talk about during these times. If something you think around the house needs to be done, it may very well come up in conversation while you are out having fun. I find this is the best time to bring up those things because your not defensive and he will actually listen. 

As a piece of advise, don't bring it up on the first couple of times you go with him. Then he will only think you came along to pester him. Go have some fun, enjoy yourself and enjoy your life with your husband.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This thread is from July...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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