# Having Kids at 40...



## kristine.kris (Sep 9, 2020)

Just curious on what you all think about getting pregnant at 40? I had kids when I was younger and some people I know are just starting to have kids at 40-41. Just wondering if any of you are having kids or had kids at this age and how did everything or how is everything going. Thanks for reading this.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I think it's insane. 😂 



kristine.kris said:


> Just curious on what you all think about getting pregnant at 40?


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

We had ours in our 20's. Now grown and doing their own thing. And we are now doing our own thing and loving it. Nothing wrong with having a child at 40 or so but in my mind these are the years were child rearing is done and enjoying one's spouse is great.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Not for me! I can't imagine raising kids after 40+ yrs! At 57, it is all I can do to keep up with my precious grandson! 

My grandmother had her last child at 49 yrs old!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I had my son at 23. I'm VERY happy to have my 40s as an empty-nester. 

Honestly, a baby or toddler at my age just sounds very, very, exhausting.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

kristine.kris said:


> Just curious on what you all think about getting pregnant at 40? I had kids when I was younger and some people I know are just starting to have kids at 40-41. Just wondering if any of you are having kids or had kids at this age and how did everything or how is everything going. Thanks for reading this.


I had kids young but I have two friends who had kids in their 40's.

One married late in life and has one son. He had to radically change his diet and habits so he could keep up as a dad. His wife is 19 years younger than him.

My other friend had a daughter late because his wife had trouble getting pregnant until she lost some weight. She is 10 years younger than him. They had a tumultuous relationship because she was a cheating skank so now they are divorced and she has custody of course.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

No way. Late 20s early 30s for mine, and then I never would have done it at 40. That's my personal opinion, having gone thru the experience pregnancy and babies. The body is really different at 40. For me, nope. And I would not want to be in my 60s having my kids just graduating from college.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I think having kids in your 40s is never plan A. Having kids in your 40s, is better then not having kids at all imo (of course if you want them).


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I'm 41 now. I had my second and last kid at 31. I love little kids but there's no way I can have another one now.

A 40 year old friend, who had fertility issues, is pregnant with her first baby. She's happy but really worried about balancing work and family life. She lives in an expensive city and the cost of childcare is astronomical! I feel happy and sorry for her. I know it's going to be tough. 

My kids are getting independent now and I can't wait until I don't have to run each kid to extracurricular activities or parties, sleepovers, etc., etc...


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

My wife had our first 3 kids in her (our) 20's and now is pregnant with our 4th in her mid-30's. This pregnancy has been way harder on her and her daily phrase is "I'm too old for this ****". So hard pass on having another in 5 years.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Personally, I wouldn't want to have kids that late in the game. I have friends who are headed there because they are waiting for "the right time"  I'd rather have kids when I'm young and broke than old, tired, and deep in a career.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Ha, old and tired, yes. In my late 20s I could still function (and pretty well!) with almost no sleep due to crying/nursing/sick baby. In my 40s?? Haaaa it would have been hellish.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

One of my best friends had her twin boys at age 40, she already had a daughter. They are now adults and fine. A family member had her daughter at just under 39, both doing well a year later. My step mum had my half brother at age 40, he is now in his 20's and doing really well, due to be married soon. Its very common now, women are marrying and having babies far later.
I had my three in my 20's starting at age 21, I think that late 20's is about the best time, but most older mums seem to do really well. There is a lot to be said for being more mature, often more patient, and usually more financially settled etc.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Having kids after 40 sounds like a living hell, and just the thought of it is a nightmare. Of course, that's _me_ - someone else might be happy about it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

My mom was forty three when I came along. She had my brother sixteen years previously and she was told she couldn’t have any more children. 
But hey presto!


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## ewam (May 28, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> My mom was forty three when I came along. She had my brother sixteen years previously and she was told she couldn’t have any more children.
> But hey presto!


my friend is 43,her partner 53, just pregnant now with what will be her second child(had first one at 31) by accident, she will be 43 and 4 months when baby is due, so far pregnancy is going really well and after initial shock and thoughts of abortion she is actually very happy


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

One of my closest friends told me way back in October '96 that she was pregnant for the fourth time - at 43. This was her oops! child. Somehow, she managed to get through the ordeal, but she was one tired woman. Obviously, it can be done. I certainly wouldn't recommend it.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I was a few weeks shy of 38 when my first was born, and I was 40 when my second came along. 

My wife is roughly 3.5 years younger than me.

Both were “oops!” But not unwanted. 

I was/am not a kid person at all but my wife has maternal hormones dripping out her pores and always wanted kids real bad.

Both pregnancies were very difficult and always in jeopardy and we were very fortunate that the kids weren’t more premature than they were and that they actually ended up being ok.

There was no way I was going through another difficult pregnancy and another premie baby so I got the plumbing disconnected right after the second. 

Wife didn’t want me to but there was no way I was going through that again and I would rather she left me for someone else than go through that again. 

As far as parenthood itself at 40, it actually does have several benefits that no one has mentioned before.

We were both educated and had stable careers and good insurance. We ***** about bills and not being able to afford that Mediterranean vacation on a yacht, but we have had no true financial hardships since having kids (knock on wood).

We were both stable and mature adults and were able to deal with issues and problems in a methodical and mature manner. 

By the time we had kids we were already kind of home bodies with our partying and promiscuous days behind us so we were ready to take on parenthood rather than sitting at home with a sick kid all frustrated and resentful that we weren’t out partying with our friends. 

Also, we were able to experience fun and adventure and personal growth and have many experiences in our youth and young adulthood. We weren’t kids having kids nor were we young adults trying to get through school and build careers etc. we were established, stable and mature adults that were as ready to take on parenthood as we could have been (is anyone TRULY READY????)

The one con that I can think of is most of our peers’ kids are out of the house and now they are able to travel and have empty nests etc. 

Good for them but the reality is at my age (56) a lot of people are just sitting around the house drinking and barbecuing anyway and when they do go on cruises and travel etc, all they talk about is eating and drinking at these locations so I’m not sure if travel in one’s 50s/60s is really better than in the 20s and 30s when you can actually do things besides eat and drink. 

I can’t honestly say if parenthood is better in the 20/30s Vs 40/50s because I didn’t have kids in my 20s so have nothing to compare it to.

For me personally, I was somewhat miserable with babies and little kids in my 40s.

But I know as fact I would have been devastated and completely miserable and hating life with little kids in my 20s and I would have likely been a horrible father and perhaps even an absentee or deadbeat parent. 

Some people simply aren’t stable and mature enough to be decent parents in their 20s and early 30s.

Some people need more time to mature and settle down than others.

Parenthood in my 20s would have been a disaster for everyone.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I've seen it all ways, there are def pros and cons but if happy, healthy all is well.

I was M at 22, but already started in a good career, college behind me.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Some do have children late but I wouldn’t have wanted to. My energy level in my early 40’s was not even close to what it was in my early 20’s when I had my child. Plus, when the first day of college arrived, I realized I had decades ahead of doing as I wished. I have greatly enjoyed that “after child” time.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

My dog has diabetes which has a side effect of increased urination. I'm up every 2-3 hours to let her out / refill her water dish, etc so I know that I could do the waking up for newborns in my 40s (I'm turning 43 in a week and a half). I still run / exercise so physically I think I could keep up. Toddlers in general are pretty awesome because of the crazy things they do and say. I _could_ do it.

That being said, my kids are 13 and 14 and there are times when they cook supper for me now or voluntarily take care of some random household chore. I'm looking forward to sharing some cool R-rated movies with the kids in not too many years. I'm enjoying the more mature discussions we can and do have about language and gender roles and stuff like that (while still being able to ask questions like "Could infinity stone Thanos lift Thor's hammer?"). If my kids have kids before they're 40 I'll probably still be able to play with them.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

We are blessed to be able to enjoy our GC. I'm 57.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I had my kids at 35 and 37. It would be better if I had them around five years earlier. in 40-s - who can stay up all night???


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hiner112 said:


> My dog has diabetes which has a side effect of increased urination. I'm up every 2-3 hours to let her out / refill her water dish, etc so I know that I could do the waking up for newborns in my 40s (I'm turning 43 in a week and a half). I still run / exercise so physically I think I could keep up. Toddlers in general are pretty awesome because of the crazy things they do and say. I _could_ do it.
> 
> That being said, my kids are 13 and 14 and there are times when they cook supper for me now or voluntarily take care of some random household chore. I'm looking forward to sharing some cool R-rated movies with the kids in not too many years. I'm enjoying the more mature discussions we can and do have about language and gender roles and stuff like that (while still being able to ask questions like "Could infinity stone Thanos lift Thor's hammer?"). If my kids have kids before they're 40 I'll probably still be able to play with them.


I have 3 grandkids and am in my 60's and I play with them.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

WandaJ said:


> I had my kids at 35 and 37. It would be better if I had them around five years earlier. in 40-s - who can stay up all night???


People do.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> People do.


I know they do i’s just much harder


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Sometimes life doesn't work out the way you planned. I always imagined I'd be like my parents, and married with a family in my 20's. It didn't work out that way. Had my husband and I been lucky enough to have our own children I would have been 40. Not how I planned it and certainly not ideal, but it is what it is.

It wasn't in the cards for us though, and once I reached early-mid 40's I gave up and admitted defeat. I didn't want to be taking my 5 year old to pre school at 50 lol.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

In our 40s and don’t have kids by choice. Have a couple friends who had their first, ages 38-41... one friend in particular is now 50 with two young kids. She loves her family, the timing was right for them, and admittedly, she has much more energy than I do. I take my hat off to her.


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## AKA Broken Arrow (Feb 19, 2016)

I married a career woman so we waited. Bought our first house when I was 38. She got pregnant with twins at 40, I was 43. Pregnancy, birth went well but she was on bed rest for the last 3 months. Twins are 10 now, happy and healthy.

I have no regrets having waited, spent the majority of our 30s living it up in Manhattan. Well, my only regret is that I won’t have as much time with them as I would have if we had them say, 10 years earlier. We did have some great years when it was just us two, though. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

My cousin just had a baby at 40, she will be almost 60 when that kid graduates high school. It's also kind of sad because everyone else had their kids 15-20 years ago so this kid will grow up without having cousins as playmates or going through a lot of life experiences with that shared history that you only have with family. All of the risks to the baby and yourself go way up the older you are, things like autism or down syndrome are way higher. My mom was a grandma at 44, a lot of people I work with were grandparents in their early 40's, too. 

There is an argument to be made for being a calmer, more stable parent at 40 vs. being 20, broke, and in an unstable relationship. Both of my sisters had babies at 20 and the first five years were very difficult between them going to college, breaking up with the father, supporting themselves, finding daycare, etc. Wouldn't want to go back to those days!


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