# 1st Thread: Women's advice solicited



## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

Well to give a background: My Wife(34) and I(36) have only been with each other(sexually exclusive) over the 9 years we've been married and have had no other experiences. Whatever experiences we have had are limited to one another. And there has been been a lot we've experimented with however, its mostly vanilla with copious amounts of foreplay. We have tried doggie as well, but she has an anteverted uterus which I think causes some discomfort and has to be on her stomach for it to work. Time is an issue, we have two kids aged 6 and 4, and they were mostly home for the last two years because of Covid lockdowns and what not. Frequency has gone down a bit. I think we average around twice a week which is not to my satisfaction but with her working now, time is even more of an issue. But we do manage to make time and reconnect, which is important to me and she knows. And I am vocal about it and she listens also. She puts on sexy night clothes on from time to time, and generally makes an effort.

1.She's not vocal about what she wants, and I've asked her several times but her answers are vague, I feel like she supresses a bit. So any suggestions about how I can get her to express what she really wants in the heat of the moment would be appreciated.
2.Although she likes receiving oral, beyond a certain point she wants me to be with her face to face. She spends quite a lot of time giving me oral as I love it and she knows that, so I just want to reciprocate, but she says its far too stimulating, is that a thing?
3. She's not exactly open about her sexual wants, and I want her to be a little more assertive and expressive verbally.

These are not complaints or anything, but I just need some advice from women regarding this, any thought would be appreciated greatly. I am satisfied with my sex life but would like to introduce variety and her not being vocal about it feels like stumbling about in a dark room.

Thanks for reading.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

All three of your points seem to be common questions. Not really sure how you improve them as I think some women are just that way. I know my wife is and from other posts here, so are some others.

My only thought would be if she hasn't done it in the last nine years, she probably isn't going to change much.

My wife is kind of the same way. I have been getting her to have more sex lately but things like #1 and #3 I don't think will be easy to make happen...if they ever do. 

I pretty much drive our sex life and she just goes along for the ride (puns intended) 

Good luck!


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

redmarshall said:


> Well to give a background: My Wife(34) and I(36) have only been with each other(sexually exclusive) over the 9 years we've been married and have had no other experiences. Whatever experiences we have had are limited to one another. And there has been been a lot we've experimented with however, its mostly vanilla with copious amounts of foreplay. We have tried doggie as well, but she has an anteverted uterus which I think causes some discomfort and has to be on her stomach for it to work. Time is an issue, we have two kids aged 6 and 4, and they were mostly home for the last two years because of Covid lockdowns and what not. Frequency has gone down a bit. I think we average around twice a week which is not to my satisfaction but with her working now, time is even more of an issue. But we do manage to make time and reconnect, which is important to me and she knows. And I am vocal about it and she listens also. She puts on sexy night clothes on from time to time, and generally makes an effort.
> 
> 1.She's not vocal about what she wants, and I've asked her several times but her answers are vague, I feel like she supresses a bit. So any suggestions about how I can get her to express what she really wants in the heat of the moment would be appreciated.
> 2.Although she likes receiving oral, beyond a certain point she wants me to be with her face to face. She spends quite a lot of time giving me oral as I love it and she knows that, so I just want to reciprocate, but she says its far too stimulating, is that a thing?
> ...


<not a woman>
My wife is a bit like point 1 and 3.
A couple of things that work for me:

Talk to her during. Ask leading questions.
Do you like this?
Do you want me to try that?
Does this make you want xxxx?
Are you ready for xxxx?

Be leading with a little bit of dirty… she loves it.
She likes saying yes and no I guess.

Second thing is my wife has a submissive tendency.
She wants me to take the lead and express what I want.
So I do that with a watchful eye on her pleasure to make sure it’s not all about me.

All this seems to make her happy and I’m not consumed with wondering what she really wants.
She is well aware that she has a voice. She just chooses not to use it.

I‘ll be watching this thread though because I’m really curious to hear a ladies point of view.


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Well, all women are different, but for some it's just difficult to discuss sex outright. Many of us were brought up to be "nice girls" that don't do those dirty things. It can leave some with hang ups about sex.

Over-stimulated is a thing. Might try slowing down a little and asking her what feels good. Better yet, pay close attention to her responses.*

She may not even know what she wants exactly. Maybe you could both try doing some reading to learn more (not porn).


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

redmarshall said:


> Well to give a background: My Wife(34) and I(36) have only been with each other(sexually exclusive) over the 9 years we've been married and have had no other experiences. Whatever experiences we have had are limited to one another. And there has been been a lot we've experimented with however, its mostly vanilla with copious amounts of foreplay. We have tried doggie as well, but she has an anteverted uterus which I think causes some discomfort and has to be on her stomach for it to work. Time is an issue, we have two kids aged 6 and 4, and they were mostly home for the last two years because of Covid lockdowns and what not. Frequency has gone down a bit. I think we average around twice a week which is not to my satisfaction but with her working now, time is even more of an issue. But we do manage to make time and reconnect, which is important to me and she knows. And I am vocal about it and she listens also. She puts on sexy night clothes on from time to time, and generally makes an effort.
> 
> 1.She's not vocal about what she wants, and I've asked her several times but her answers are vague, I feel like she supresses a bit. So any suggestions about how I can get her to express what she really wants in the heat of the moment would be appreciated.
> 2.Although she likes receiving oral, beyond a certain point she wants me to be with her face to face. She spends quite a lot of time giving me oral as I love it and she knows that, so I just want to reciprocate, but she says its far too stimulating, is that a thing?
> ...


Listen to what she says. A LOT of women much prefer to be face to face during lovemaking, a LOT. It's not being suppressed. Yes, it and other things can be overstimulating and that means irritating. You can't make her be more assertive and verbal to say what you want her to say. That's not who she is. She IS being assertive and verbal telling you oral is overstimulating and she prefers face to face.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

#s 1 and 3. A lot of women simply want you to know what to do and do it..... but only when they want it and not when they don't. You simply have to instinctively know. 

And closely related to that, many women do not like to talk about it openly. To talk about it openly means that they are admitting to it and a lot of chicks can't do that comfortably. A lot of women have been brought up that sex is something bad and dirty and shameful etc and they have a lot of conflicting messages about it and for many they would rather be eaten alive by rats that openly disclose their sexual wants and desires with a man. They would much prefer the man to just simply know. 

People that open discuss what they want in bed are assertive in saying what they want during sex are dudes so if you are wanting someone that is giving directions and explicitly telling you what they want all the time, you're gonna have to turn gay and get with dudes, because that's not how chicks typically operate. 

#2. yes this is a thing. It can be from doing it to rough or too forcefully. But ironically her sensation of being overstimulated may be from being under stimulated... let me explain. Don't treat oral sex as foreplay. Treat it as sex. 

If a person is not adequately aroused and warmed up prior to oral sex, it can be uncomfortable. A lot of changes take place in the clitoral and vaginal areas during arousal and it's not just getting wet. 

Penile and vaginal tissues are the same and have the same origins in fetal development. We all start out with the same tissues and building blocks and then at a certain stage of development when the hormones kick in, the penis develops exteriorly in the male and internally in the female but they come from the same tissues and function much the same. 

As the penis becomes engorged and erect with arousal, so too does the vaginal tissues and clitoris. As those tissues become engorged it changes the way tactile stimulation is experienced. When things are fully engorged and wet and spongy, they want to be touch and stimulated and the proper contact and stimulated will be pleasurable. 

If they are not in a fully aroused state, contact can be uncomfortable and as she has stated "over stimulated" ..... ie uncomfortable. 

My suggestion is try more foreplay and don't go munch'n around down there until she is in a fully aroused state and back off a little bit on how much pressure you are applying with your tongue and lips etc.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Read the book “She Comes First”. It may give you some ideas to make oral sex more pleasurable for her to receive, and not overstimulating.


----------



## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

I may be wrong here but it sounds like she's expressing her wants. They just don't match what you expect they should be. Listen to her, she knows her want far better than you ever will.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Hi @redmarshall 

I'm a lady, nearly 60yo--here are my thoughts:



> 1.She's not vocal about what she wants, and I've asked her several times but her answers are vague, I feel like she supresses a bit. So any suggestions about how I can get her to express what she really wants in the heat of the moment would be appreciated.


I am almost 60yo and have been sexually active for probably 40 years, and even at my age, sometimes there aren't words for what's happening or what I like. For example, a lady can say "faster" or "to the left a little"...but other than that, how would you describe some of the feelings and sensations unless you were a writer or poet? You know what I want? My hubby! I like the smell of him, the sight of him, the sound of him, the touch of him and the taste of him. I don't think of it in terms of "mechanics" (like, I want tab A into slot B at XYX incline-LOL), and I don't think about even the things I do like when we aren't "in the heat of the moment". Well to be more precise, it's a thought I have like many others that enters, I think about it, and it exits.  Anyway, it might be advantageous to give her OPTIONS (yes or no) or to give her an example of what you want her to say back so she can get the hang of what you mean. If you'd like her to speak certain words or say it in a certain way, say it yourself and then ask if she'd be willing to say that to you.



> 2.Although she likes receiving oral, beyond a certain point she wants me to be with her face to face. She spends quite a lot of time giving me oral as I love it and she knows that, so I just want to reciprocate, but she says its far too stimulating, is that a thing?


Well you know how right after the Big O it's sometimes so sensitive that it feels like TOO MUCH!! It can be like that for the lady too, sometimes before and sometimes after. It crosses the border from "Holy Smoke that's turning me to on!" to "DO NOT TOUCH THAT" and it's a distraction rather than an enhancement. So use oral as a beginner then go face-to-face, or use oral all the way if that's something she enjoys. It sounds to me like she likes a bit/some to get started, then she likes to finish with you face-to-face. That means she's into YOU. 



> 3. She's not exactly open about her sexual wants, and I want her to be a little more assertive and expressive verbally.


As I said, I'm almost 60yo and I would say I am not assertive or expressive. I don't get turned on by being sexually assertive, and that's partially from some background stuff I went through and partially from some background stuff my Beloved Buddhist went through. Both of us get SHUT DOWN sexually by assertiveness, so we are much moreso mutually consenting: one or the other says they're in the mood, and the other agrees or runs upstairs giggling. Same with expressing verbally--I'm an open book and open-minded, not a prude at all--but I just feel like sex and sexuality is sacred and private only to be shared with the couple. What I've done that I would also suggest to you is to give your wife some encouragement to take a little step outside her "comfort zone" and try something. No matter what, be very supportive when she does try something, because it will help build TRUST. Now not everything she "tries" will be a success--I tried some sexy outfits that I absolutely HATED and felt ridiculous in--but if you are supportive and let her know she was brave and this one didn't work but you're glad she made the attempt..it will help her know it's safe to "try." If my hubby had been bossy or forceful with the outfits, I would have never tried another one...but he let me know it was safe and so I did feel like I could try again. And that's what you want to aim for: let her know that if she sticks her toe out, she's safe even if the attempt doesn't go so well. And if it DOES go well, you aren't going to pressure or force her but rather encourage her to try to expand the things with which she is comfortable.


----------



## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

redmarshall said:


> Well to give a background: My Wife(34) and I(36) have only been with each other(sexually exclusive) over the 9 years we've been married and have had no other experiences. Whatever experiences we have had are limited to one another. And there has been been a lot we've experimented with however, its mostly vanilla with copious amounts of foreplay. We have tried doggie as well, but she has an anteverted uterus which I think causes some discomfort and has to be on her stomach for it to work. Time is an issue, we have two kids aged 6 and 4, and they were mostly home for the last two years because of Covid lockdowns and what not. Frequency has gone down a bit. I think we average around twice a week which is not to my satisfaction but with her working now, time is even more of an issue. But we do manage to make time and reconnect, which is important to me and she knows. And I am vocal about it and she listens also. She puts on sexy night clothes on from time to time, and generally makes an effort.
> 
> 1.She's not vocal about what she wants, and I've asked her several times but her answers are vague, I feel like she supresses a bit. So any suggestions about how I can get her to express what she really wants in the heat of the moment would be appreciated.
> 2.Although she likes receiving oral, beyond a certain point she wants me to be with her face to face. She spends quite a lot of time giving me oral as I love it and she knows that, so I just want to reciprocate, but she says its far too stimulating, is that a thing?
> ...


My w has no fantasy at (her words) all I buy her toys using
them slips.her mind 90% of our sex.is cowboy or missionary, occasionally doggy .it has .Become an obligation,because we're married.we have talked about. It "repeatedly" all I get. Is." All you think about is sex" we have had sex 1 time this year,


----------



## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

Thank you for all the replies, especially the women. And yes, I do get all the reasoning behind it.

But like I said, each of us not having had any partners at all, sometimes you wonder if you've separated facts from fiction. So that is why I created the thread itself, because I have had these thoughts but not having the avenue to put them onto a forum to get some feedback so all of it is appreciated.



FloridaGuy1 said:


> All three of your points seem to be common questions. Not really sure how you improve them as I think some women are just that way. I know my wife is and from other posts here, so are some others.
> 
> My only thought would be if she hasn't done it in the last nine years, she probably isn't going to change much.
> 
> ...


Haha, that sounds a lot like me. Well it doesnt hurt to read other people thoughts and opinions. That's why we're all here.



oldshirt said:


> you're gonna have to turn gay and get with dudes


Well nothing against dudes, but thats not gonna happen . But I hear you on the other points, I think that at certain points you wonder if you're doing things the right way and just want the reassurance. As you've correctly pointed out that women associate sex at a very early age with something worth hiding(not that they're not given any reason to) they generally have a habit of not being expressive. I guess I'll just encourage her and leave the rest up to her. 



uphillbattle said:


> They just don't match what you expect they should be. Listen to her, she knows her want far better than you ever will.


I think you probably misunderstood my intention. Its not an expectation per say. And yes she knows her wants, but we always strive to be a bit better and as originally explained, this thread was a function of seeking info, seeking the general norm. Its been something thats been apparent to me, so I just wanted to know, if I could do something about it, and whether its the norm, and I should leave well enough alone.


----------



## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> She likes saying yes and no I guess.


Well she's a woman so yes  . Thank you for all the other suggestions as well. Let me see where I can end up with those.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

redmarshall said:


> Well to give a background: My Wife(34) and I(36) have only been with each other(sexually exclusive) over the 9 years we've been married and have had no other experiences. Whatever experiences we have had are limited to one another. And there has been been a lot we've experimented with however, its mostly vanilla with copious amounts of foreplay. We have tried doggie as well, but she has an anteverted uterus which I think causes some discomfort and has to be on her stomach for it to work. Time is an issue, we have two kids aged 6 and 4, and they were mostly home for the last two years because of Covid lockdowns and what not. Frequency has gone down a bit. I think we average around twice a week which is not to my satisfaction but with her working now, time is even more of an issue. But we do manage to make time and reconnect, which is important to me and she knows. And I am vocal about it and she listens also. She puts on sexy night clothes on from time to time, and generally makes an effort.
> 
> 1.She's not vocal about what she wants, and I've asked her several times but her answers are vague, I feel like she supresses a bit. So any suggestions about how I can get her to express what she really wants in the heat of the moment would be appreciated.
> 2.Although she likes receiving oral, beyond a certain point she wants me to be with her face to face. She spends quite a lot of time giving me oral as I love it and she knows that, so I just want to reciprocate, but she says its far too stimulating, is that a thing?
> ...


Look up Charles Black, Arthur of Down of Desire Method. Especially his discussion on oral sex. Your wife will most likely be thankful and loose her mind. Thank me later.😏


----------



## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

redmarshall said:


> Well to give a background: My Wife(34) and I(36) have only been with each other(sexually exclusive) over the 9 years we've been married and have had no other experiences. Whatever experiences we have had are limited to one another. And there has been been a lot we've experimented with however, its mostly vanilla with copious amounts of foreplay. We have tried doggie as well, but she has an anteverted uterus which I think causes some discomfort and has to be on her stomach for it to work. Time is an issue, we have two kids aged 6 and 4, and they were mostly home for the last two years because of Covid lockdowns and what not. Frequency has gone down a bit. I think we average around twice a week which is not to my satisfaction but with her working now, time is even more of an issue. But we do manage to make time and reconnect, which is important to me and she knows. And I am vocal about it and she listens also. She puts on sexy night clothes on from time to time, and generally makes an effort.
> 
> 1.She's not vocal about what she wants, and I've asked her several times but her answers are vague, I feel like she supresses a bit. So any suggestions about how I can get her to express what she really wants in the heat of the moment would be appreciated.
> 2.Although she likes receiving oral, beyond a certain point she wants me to be with her face to face. She spends quite a lot of time giving me oral as I love it and she knows that, so I just want to reciprocate, but she says its far too stimulating, is that a thing?
> ...


All this sounds a lot like my wife.

What I realized with time is that some people either do not have sexual fantasies or are uncomfortable sharing them even with their closest partner. And there is no point to try to pry them out them, it will only make things worse. If you want to explore something new it is yo who needs to try it in gentle way and see how your wife will react.

Regarding oral, I do it to my wife almost every time we have sex. I really really like it, it is so intimate. But she only let me do it for may be 1 min max. Either I am doing something wrong or she simply does not like it that much as she make me move to use my finger instead. I asked her very gently if she likes how I do oral and if I can change anything to make it more pleasurable to her. She just said she likes finger more.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

romantic_dreamer said:


> All this sounds a lot like my wife.
> 
> What I realized with time is that some people either do not have sexual fantasies or are uncomfortable sharing them even with their closest partner. And there is no point to try to pry them out them, it will only make things worse. If you want to explore something new it is yo who needs to try it in gentle way and see how your wife will react.
> 
> Regarding oral, I do it to my wife almost every time we have sex. I really really like it, it is so intimate. But she only let me do it for may be 1 min max. Either I am doing something wrong or she simply does not like it that much as she make me move to use my finger instead. I asked her very gently if she likes how I do oral and if I can change anything to make it more pleasurable to her. She just said she likes finger more.


How could she not like it. When I read posts with similar comments I'm always amazed.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I asked her very gently if she likes how I do oral and if I can change anything to make it more pleasurable to her. She just said she likes finger more.


Read the book “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> How could she not like it. When I read posts with similar comments I'm always amazed.


Same, this always confuses me.

I had a GF once that didn't want me to perform oral.
She was just really self-conscious about that.
Gentle, loving persistence and reassurance fixed that insecurity.
Then it became a 'must have' 
Woot!


----------



## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> How could she not like it. When I read posts with similar comments I'm always amazed.


I don't know either. Maybe not enough pressure, maybe I am doing something wrong. She does no provide me specific details, just she prefers my finger. With me fingering her she comes within a minute very loud, she bites me uncontrollably.

It is not that she does not like me giving her oral but it seems she cannot come from it so she gets bored or tied after a while and wants my finger.

I really like giving her oral, it is one of the best experiences in sex. I wish I knew what I can do differently to make her enjoy it and come from oral.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I don't know either. Maybe not enough pressure, maybe I am doing something wrong. She does no provide me specific details, just she prefers my finger. With me fingering her she comes within a minute very loud, she bites me uncontrollably.
> 
> It is not that she does not like me giving her oral but it seems she cannot come from it so she gets bored or tied after a while and wants my finger.
> 
> I really like giving her oral, it is one of the best experiences in sex. I wish I knew what I can do differently to make her enjoy it and come from oral.


Years ago I started a game, where I told Mrs. Ragnar let's play a 4 word game, during any oral on her, or fingers, toys, which is get sweetie, you can only say four words primarily; harder, softer faster, slower, as I did certain things.

That took the stress off her and got her used to being vocal but no pressure on what to say. She had four words in that game.

That really helped her get comfortable in being verbal. Her regular words now include right there, dont stop, yes, yes, yesssss, and now gets loud in the accompaniment sounds.

Starting with the four word game really took the pressure off her having to decide how to say things and be vocal.


----------



## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Years ago I started a game, where I told Mrs. Ragnar let's play a 4 word game, during any oral on her, or fingers, toys, which is get sweetie, you can only say four words primarily; harder, softer faster, slower, as I did certain things.
> 
> That took the stress off her and got her used to being vocal but no pressure on what to say. She had four words in that game.
> 
> ...


Another problem with my wife's oral is that she squeezes her legs very tight so it both restricts my movement and may suffocate me sometimes. She squeezes her legs tight when she masturbates too.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Reading your opening post, I ascribed different meaning to ‘overstimulated’ with oral than some others have perceived. Hence, why it’s best to understand your wife and what it means to her.

However, I’ll impart my initial perception through my own experience. My husband (Batman) has _skills_ that aligns with me. When he’s giving, it feels so good that I can barely take it, and can have me wanting (okay, essentially begging) to have _all _of him. Sometimes, he gets …mreow… _bossy_ and in a sexy way basically tells me ‘not yet’. And that also adds to the ecstasy of my mind and body completely being in, and surrendering to, the moment. So that’s what I interpreted as ‘overstimulated’. Meaning, in the best possible way. It may or may not be what your wife experiences though.

As for you wanting to reciprocate her giving to you, if you’re both open to it and aren’t already, how about sprinkling in simultaneous options with positions that enable her to go down on you while you also stimulate her?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sounds like you have a very good woman.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

An after-thought moment to emphasize the importance of knowing and understanding your wife. What I shared above with how our interactions sometimes go, is compatible to part of our sexual dynamic. There’s playfulness involved, and knowing how (and what) turns each other on; no ‘pressure’ involved. Anyway, just had a moment of wanting to back-track. I felt irresponsible in posting, or something along those lines. Best to simply understand your wife. Pay attention to non-verbal cues. 😊


----------



## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Same, this always confuses me.
> 
> I had a GF once that didn't want me to perform oral.
> She was just really self-conscious about that.
> ...


Well, she's never told me she didn't want it, infact sometimes I've spent quite a lot of time around there, she like it of course, her body tells me that. Also without getting too graphic, I don't just rush in, its methodical, and momentum builds up. To be blunt, she can't orgasm with oral, I think someone mentioned here as well, if she orgams with digital stilmulation, its with her legs closed. So I think its probably because clitoral stimulation is what gets her there, but if I ask her, she like most women I guess says 'why do we have to talk about it, you should just know', well I for one would like reassurance that what I'm thinking is right, besides husband and wife should be able to talk about these things, openly I might add.



romantic_dreamer said:


> I don't know either. Maybe not enough pressure, maybe I am doing something wrong. She does no provide me specific details, just she prefers my finger. With me fingering her she comes within a minute very loud, she bites me uncontrollably.
> 
> It is not that she does not like me giving her oral but it seems she cannot come from it so she gets bored or tied after a while and wants my finger.
> 
> I really like giving her oral, it is one of the best experiences in sex. I wish I knew what I can do differently to make her enjoy it and come from oral.


TBH I think for every woman its different, and a huge proportion of women think of mastrubation as shamefulk(I'm talking about the younger ladies), I've learnt a lot about what I like through mastrubation, so I know a lot of what stimulates me well. So its easy to give pointers, for women I don't think thats the case(for most not all)



Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Years ago I started a game, where I told Mrs. Ragnar let's play a 4 word game, during any oral on her, or fingers, toys, which is get sweetie, you can only say four words primarily; harder, softer faster, slower, as I did certain things.
> 
> That took the stress off her and got her used to being vocal but no pressure on what to say. She had four words in that game.
> 
> ...


Well you see here in lies the problem, women are as different as men, and what works for one might not work for another. I can't even get her to sext me, and I'm like 'we should be able to do that', but in her mind, we talk like that when we're intimate so the rest of it doesn't appeal to her. Meaning watching porn together also, or talking sexy etc, doesn't appeal to her.



heartsbeating said:


> Reading your opening post, I ascribed different meaning to ‘overstimulated’ with oral than some others have perceived. Hence, why it’s best to understand your wife and what it means to her.
> 
> However, I’ll impart my initial perception through my own experience. My husband (Batman) has _skills_ that aligns with me. When he’s giving, it feels so good that I can barely take it, and can have me wanting (okay, essentially begging) to have _all _of him. Sometimes, he gets …mreow… _bossy_ and in a sexy way basically tells me ‘not yet’. And that also adds to the ecstasy of my mind and body completely being in, and surrendering to, the moment. So that’s what I interpreted as ‘overstimulated’. Meaning, in the best possible way. It may or may not be what your wife experiences though.
> 
> As for you wanting to reciprocate her giving to you, if you’re both open to it and aren’t already, how about sprinkling in simultaneous options with positions that enable her to go down on you while you also stimulate her?


I get what you're saying I mean really, because when I'm performing oral she essentially wants all of me and wants to get it on, and I'm like lets make it last longer, slower, I guess when you have kids and know you don't have a lot of time, you want to make the most of what you have. We've been interrupted mid coitus a few times and its not fun.



ConanHub said:


> Sounds like you have a very good woman.


I do, a very good one. And I know it and value that. I'm lucky to have her. That's why I wrote in my original post, that it in no way reflects a problem, just that I want to understand a little more of what is happening, with my limited experience, I figured its best to solicit advice from women who would be open to share their experiences about this particular occurance.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

redmarshall said:


> I do, a very good one. And I know it and value that. I'm lucky to have her. That's why I wrote in my original post, that it in no way reflects a problem, just that I want to understand a little more of what is happening, with my limited experience, I figured its best to solicit advice from women who would be open to share their experiences about this particular occurance.


I heard the record-scratch noise reading this. How is being married 9 years and then presumably time dating her before that, limited experience? That’s so much time to get to really know one another well… sexually, intimately, and otherwise. If you’re suggesting it’s because you haven’t shared sexual relations with other women, I draw the same conclusion that it means nada given ‘other women’ are not your wife.

It seems from other things you wrote, she has expressed some things that she’s not into… and no doubt may well express things that she is. It’s seeming a bit to me like it’s that you want her to be into certain things that she simply isn’t. I don’t mean to pick on you. It may come across like I am, however, that’s not my intention. Why at this point in your relationship are you starting to wonder about ‘what is happening’? What’s going on with you? 😊


----------



## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

heartsbeating said:


> I heard the record-scratch noise reading this. How is being married 9 years and then presumably time dating her before that, limited experience? That’s so much time to get to really know one another well… sexually, intimately, and otherwise. If you’re suggesting it’s because you haven’t shared sexual relations with other women, I draw the same conclusion that it means nada given ‘other women’ are not your wife.
> 
> It seems from other things you wrote, she has expressed some things that she’s not into… and no doubt may well express things that she is. It’s seeming a bit to me like it’s that you want her to be into certain things that she simply isn’t. I don’t mean to pick on you. It may come across like I am, however, that’s not my intention. Why at this point in your relationship are you starting to wonder about ‘what is happening’? What’s going on with you? 😊


Well yes, I know her extremely well. I get your point, hence my question was to women in general, and wanted to know what they thought.

No, I don't think you're picking on me at all, having a impactful conversation requires frankness(thats what I think anyway), so please pick away 

Again, like I've stated, I'm not wondering what is happening, just wanted to delve into the why. If not here then where.

As far as thought processes go, women and men are different, and have different ways of expressing the same feeling, which is why I thought to ask this question on the forum, and as you can see from the replies of married men here as well, its not an isolated issue, its something prevelant which guys perhaps don't fully understand, which is again why I thought I would ask the female community on here about.

Whats going on with me? Umm, lets see, I derive my pleasure from giving my partner pleasure, so its basic to me, thats probably why its important to me as well.


----------



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Yes sometimes oral can be too stimulating especially if your being too stimulating. Sucking, tongue is too strong, especially right on the clit.

I personally like to be the one controlling oral sex by kinda humping my partners face. It’s the best way to control speed and pressure.


----------



## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

I personally love going down,the the smell, How ever W says and I quote "its not my favorite" I get no input at all.cowboy once in a while,doggy less than that "any week on the second Tuesday Of week.rear entry No.
Anal that is an exit only. You get my drift.we did it that way last time


----------

