# Sex in Marriage troubles - 1st year



## otjot24 (May 18, 2017)

So, I have been with my husband for over 11 years now, just got married almost one year ago. Sex has always been a hard subject for us to communicate on. It has been going fine and it has it's better times. On average we probably have sex 1 - 2 times a week. For the past month we have had a hard time communicating in and out of the bedroom. He has recently been trying to quit smoking cigarettes, so I know the stress with that is part of this. Anyway, we have tried to have sex a few times and it ends up bad for him and he can't orgasm. He gets frustrated and we don't know how to discuss it. I feel like I am not doing exactly what he wants, but he isn't communicating with me. So, after about two weeks of nothing I decided to talk to him about spicing up our sex life and telling each other what we each want in order to have better sex. He just kind of shut down and didn't say a whole lot other than he was overwhelmed and that he did agree. I told him to think about it. Anyway, I know he watches porn and I don't care, but I think it might be a larger thing where he is chatting and having sex with webcam use. I am not okay with that and I am thinking this is why we have so many problems in the bedroom. How can I let him know that I want to fix this problem and be more open about our sex life so we can be intimate again? If I ask him to stop with the chatting with women online will he stop or should I drop it? I don't want to put pressure on him and push him away. Not sure how to fix this right now?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

If your H is watching porn and taking care of his business via webcam it needs to stop. Your H sexual urges are being met in front of a computer. Not the bedroom.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

DH and I have been together 17 years and average sex 4-5 times a week, more in cycles. In addition to quantity, it's quality, too. However, when he was going through nicotine withdrawal, sex dried up during the worst of it. He physically felt like he got beat by guys with chains, he couldn't relax, and he was all around grumpy for nearly 2 months. Sex picked up to normal after a few weeks.

How far into withdrawal is your H? Maybe he hasn't reached his normal yet.


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## otjot24 (May 18, 2017)

He is using an e-cigarette right now...but just recently switched to less nicotine. He is trying to work off of the cigarettes, to the e-cig and then come off of that completely. So, he started this about a month ago or so.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I don't know anything about cigarettes. 

I know very little about pornography, but I'm plenty conceited enough to think my opinion matters. 

I think he should not be having sex with himself when he could be having sex with you. Him using porn to get off makes it a lot harder for him to connect with you. 

I believe I've read one of the results of porn addiction is a disconnect from the Significant Other in a relationship. But I don't have a reference right now. So I'll just leave it at that.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

otjot24 said:


> He is using an e-cigarette right now...but just recently switched to less nicotine. He is trying to work off of the cigarettes, to the e-cig and then come off of that completely. So, he started this about a month ago or so.


I know a lot about cigarettes. Smoked the damn things over 25 years. Only way to quit is cold turkey. Purchase "Stop Smoking the Easy Way." Carr. $10 on Amazon. W and I quit in under a week. Have not smoked in over 8 years. The weening off nicotine does not work IMO. 

Porn, yep I know what viewing it all the time can do, used to do a lot of self satisfying to some hot pixel mammas myself. Sex in the bedroom was dead for my W as a result. When I stopped pulling the pud myself sex in the bedroom skyrocketed.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

otjot24 said:


> He is using an e-cigarette right now...but just recently switched to less nicotine. He is trying to work off of the cigarettes, to the e-cig and then come off of that completely. So, he started this about a month ago or so.


I use a vape device and get my nicotine that way. I've never gone through withdrawals. DH tried using an ecigarette and got just enough nicotine to constantly be in low level withdrawal. For him, going with no nicotine replacement worked better. He was a bear for a few days, but it was better than always being borderline bearish.


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