# Anyone else dreading the holidays?



## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Last Christmas I looked like a skeleton. This Christmas I'm chubby. Both reflections for the emotional state I'm in. (Ya, I went from not being able to eat and throwing up what I did to eating for comfort...) 

The holidays you're supposed to be happy, it's supposed to be a time where you're with family.

And I'm not happy and our family is still a mess, maybe even more so.

All the ornaments on the tree, signifying special times in our marriage, family... All those years are now dust. All those years were lies. I dread putting it up. 

Wow, just typing this... How depressing. Sorry.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

yes so much. MH and OW were starting to talk right around christmas last year.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

My H and I are separated and trying to R. We are going to have him sleep over on Christmas Eve because I do not want the kids to think that they get two Christmases, for at least this year (I hope we can R but you never know).
I am looking forward to putting up the trimmings because I hold dear at least the honest wonderful Holidays spent with my children. If I think about him and what he has done and even let that touch my thoughts of the Holidays with the children it would forever ruin even those memories and I will not let what he has done in the past ruin that. Nope those memories are mine and he can not taint them too I won't let him. 
(wow sorry got a little heated there)


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> Last Christmas I looked like a skeleton. This Christmas I'm chubby. Both reflections for the emotional state I'm in. (Ya, I went from not being able to eat and throwing up what I did to eating for comfort...)
> 
> The holidays you're supposed to be happy, it's supposed to be a time where you're with family.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't put the tree up with the old decorations. I'd start a new tree, and I'd make him go find the decorations for it. Let him help you rebuild with new memories.

Take care of yourself. Don't let your hurt emotions hurt your body.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Ovid said:


> I wouldn't put the tree up with the old decorations. I'd start a new tree, and I'd make him go find the decorations for it. Let him help you rebuild with new memories.
> 
> Take care of yourself. Don't let your hurt emotions hurt your body.


A really great idea:smthumbup::iagree:

I think that sometimes we forget that we can choose to "start Over" at any point in our lives and traditions can be changed or let go.

Get some globes and glitter pens. Start putting things on them that inspire you, make you feel cheerful. Maybe even the moments that you cherish from childhood. 
If I could make on right now it would say, "Silent Night" my favorite Christmas song from when I was a child to now. And has nothing to do with the hurtful past IDK just a thought after reading that post.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

no I can't wait - my ex completely ruined Xmas last year, I don't really like most of his family and I will be spending Xmas with my family only, no driving back and forth and doing one day with this lot and another day with that lot

this is the first Xmas I've looked forward to for years


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm crazy excited for new Christmas plans.Reinventing the meaning of Christmas and tradition for myself

Get rid of the old! Do something totally new for yourself! If you don't want to decorate,then don't decorate.If you want to sit in your jammies eating junk food and watching comedies all day...then do it Make it your own and focus on the future rather than the past. Easier said I realize but it WILL get better.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Kurosity said:


> A really great idea:smthumbup::iagree:
> 
> I think that sometimes we forget that we can choose to "start Over" at any point in our lives and traditions can be changed or let go.
> 
> ...


We're on the same page.

When I took my WW back I told her we were starting a new M. She ended the old one. This is a new one from the beginning. It helped her realize how much was lost. It helped me to let go of some of the hurt.

If there's a thing that's painful to deal with don't be afraid to scrap it and start freash.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

I am dreading it. Dreading spending the day alone, with nothing but my own actions staring back at me. 

I am going to try to win my wife back still. Hopeless maybe. I am reading the BS posts hoping to find out what it takes.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Yes....i have no family, no husband and my friends are busy.

Guess i can do something with my dogs. Maybe take a trip? I don't know, trying not to think about it....


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I'm not looking foward to Thanksgiving or Christmas,last year I spent them alone,my wife was knee deep in her EA and wanting to "date" the POSOM.
I was too embarrassed to be around my family or hers(dont like the mil,anyway,she physically abused my wife through out her life,even holding a knife to her throat for uneaten peas on her plate).
I'm hoping to make new memories this year but its still going to be uncomfortable getting the Families together with her A hanging over me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

dreading Thanksgiving! This year we are hosting all of my family- 16 ppl for dinner. I usually say the prayer and say what I am thankful for, particularly my family and wife. This year I don't know what to say.

I can only imagine what she will be going through. (She strayed and I exposed). We are trying to R.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Last Christmas was awful. That was when I couldn't be the rock anymore and just crumbled. It just seemed like such a sham after what she had done. It was all I could do not to totally lose it in front of the kids, I had to keep escaping.

It makes me nauseous just to think about it. Our Thanksgiving comes earlier, and it is more associated with my birthday, so it didn't bother me at all. I think doing something different, as a family sounds like a great idea though!


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Im hoping for better this year. Last christmas he was neck deep in his EA. He had put off taking any vacation all year because he wanted to go to work to see her so come Dec he was kind of forced to stay home for some time off and so he did. He sat home and thought about her and it was so obvious. Then after Christmas, he couldnt wait to get back to her....

So, now we are trying to R. Hopefully not too much triggering and we can make some new memories to cover up those nasty ones. Same goes for Thanksgiving and my birthday and New years....


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

SadandAngry said:


> Last Christmas was awful. That was when I couldn't be the rock anymore and just crumbled. It just seemed like such a sham after what she had done. It was all I could do not to totally lose it in front of the kids, I had to keep escaping.
> 
> It makes me nauseous just to think about it. Our Thanksgiving comes earlier, and it is more associated with my birthday, so it didn't bother me at all. I think doing something different, as a family sounds like a great idea though!


Goodness, this sounds familiar. I kept going to the bathroom during Christmas 'celebration' all day long just to collect myself. To tell myself to breathe. That this was for the kids and that one way or another soon this was all gonna be over. I think I took maybe 8-9 trips to the bathroom and just sat in the floor for 5 minutes and talked myself through the craziness.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Goodness, this sounds familiar. I kept going to the bathroom during Christmas 'celebration' all day long just to collect myself. To tell myself to breathe. That this was for the kids and that one way or another soon this was all gonna be over. I think I took maybe 8-9 trips to the bathroom and just sat in the floor for 5 minutes and talked myself through the craziness.


I made it through the morning, opening presents and what not, by escaping over and over, then refused to go to Christmas dinner at the in-laws.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I am dreading Xmas with H's side...as after DD#2 in April all of his siblings found out about his EA and how he was keeping in contact with her for 6 months after I discovered it initially back in September 2011.

H thinks it is embarrasing for him but holy **** for me it is just as humiliating..I feel like they are all going to be looking at me and thinking wow, he couldn't stop contacting his AP, he must have had some really deep feelings for her..makes me feel real good as his wife. They are probably going to be looking at me with sympathy in their eyes which is just as bad.....


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

highwood said:


> I am dreading Xmas with H's side...as after DD#2 in April all of his siblings found out about his EA and how he was keeping in contact with her for 6 months after I discovered it initially back in September 2011.
> 
> H thinks it is embarrasing for him but holy **** for me it is just as humiliating..I feel like they are all going to be looking at me and thinking wow, he couldn't stop contacting his AP, he must have had some really deep feelings for her..makes me feel real good as his wife. They are probably going to be looking at me with sympathy in their eyes which is just as bad.....


In laws- ARGH!!! Sorry you have to deal with this but IF there are ANY issues they are your H's to handle.


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## Bolio24 (Oct 19, 2012)

SadandAngry said:


> I made it through the morning, opening presents and what not, by escaping over and over, then refused to go to Christmas dinner at the in-laws.


I'm thinking of just leaving the house entirely for Thanksgiving. Just take off first thing in the morning and not come back till the end of the day. My wife is hosting at our house and my side of the family will all be there. I'd like to hear her try to explain to my family why I'm not there. Especially since no one knows yet what is going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Bolio24 said:


> I'm thinking of just leaving the house entirely for Thanksgiving. Just take off first thing in the morning and not come back till the end of the day. My wife is hosting at our house and my side of the family will all be there. I'd like to hear her try to explain to my family why I'm not there. Especially since no one knows yet what is going on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You could always leave out the VAR and hear it for yourself since you cant be a fly on the wall.


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

I'm pumped on the holidays. Honestly it is what you make of it and your own self-driven happiness! For anyone not looking forward to it, you should be. Be thankful you have the strength to keep pushing forward. Look froward to a new year and the new possibilites. Life is never over tell we hit the grave, I'm going to live my life with each day being as good or bad as I, only me, make it. No single person is going to taint that for me.

Happy holidays and I hope everyone at least has some good times on thanksgiving!


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

Holidays can be miserable when people are going through hard times. Dealing with strained family and in law relationships can cause more heartache than joy. I think we all have these ideas about what the holidays should be and we MUST stick with tradition. I believe the suicide rate is highest during the holiday season. 

It is sad. Life changes. I believe we should be do what makes us happy and spend it with people we feel closest to. Realize that it is OK to start a new tradition or do whatever brings you happiness. I think it is important to let go of the past, realize that things change, and concentrate on the present and what you can do to make it special in its own way.


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## Weary (Oct 25, 2012)

yeah this season is gonna suck, going to have to spend time with her family after they know we have been separated for the last half year but we are trying to work it out. Im sure I'll have to endure a bunch of dirty looks from her family since we're on the rocks. But I intend to explain to her, that if they get pissy after a few drinks then ill be setting the record straight on what really happened since i doubt shes told them the whole of what happened.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

highwood said:


> I am dreading Xmas with H's side...as after DD#2 in April all of his siblings found out about his EA and how he was keeping in contact with her for 6 months after I discovered it initially back in September 2011.
> 
> H thinks it is embarrasing for him but holy **** for me it is just as humiliating..I feel like they are all going to be looking at me and thinking wow, he couldn't stop contacting his AP, he must have had some really deep feelings for her..makes me feel real good as his wife. They are probably going to be looking at me with sympathy in their eyes which is just as bad.....


I totally get what you're saying. Hugs.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

It's funny, but no surprise to me that the inlaws would treat me like I'm the bad one when it was he who cheated on his young family with a 19 year old!, it was he that lied for eight years (and still is), it was he who gave me HPV, it is he that loses his temper. Meanwhile, my family have been saints. They want us to work it out for the kids.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Dreading Christmas. My WW was deep in her affair for the 3 previous ones. It looks like our R has failed but we will still be together. 

It's going to be horrible; full of triggers for me and empty of hope for the future.

Plus, XFactor will be over


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## Hope Springs Eternal (Oct 6, 2012)

calvin said:


> I'm not looking foward to Thanksgiving or Christmas,last year I spent them alone,my wife was knee deep in her EA and wanting to "date" the POSOM.
> I was too embarrassed to be around my family or hers(dont like the mil,anyway,she physically abused my wife through out her life,even holding a knife to her throat for uneaten peas on her plate).
> I'm hoping to make new memories this year but its still going to be uncomfortable getting the Families together with her A hanging over me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We can only hope to make new memories, but that sounds so hollow. In the kind of pain we're in, we will just have to see how it goes. Hope it goes well for you, Calvin.

Her whole family is aware of WW's A, but the kids aren't, so this will be something of a balancing act. I don't think our issues will be dealt with publicly, fortunately, but one never knows when something will get mentioned. I can only hope for the best.

Both my remaining family members are 2000 miles away, so I won't be seeing them this year for the holidays. We are pretty far apart on every level, so it's been years since holidays were a "together" thing for my side of the family. This is bittersweet, too.


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## Hope Springs Eternal (Oct 6, 2012)

slater said:


> dreading Thanksgiving! This year we are hosting all of my family- 16 ppl for dinner. I usually say the prayer and say what I am thankful for, particularly my family and wife. This year I don't know what to say.
> 
> I can only imagine what she will be going through. (She strayed and I exposed). We are trying to R.


I feel for you. I know you will think of something to say that will be a blessing.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Probably. I have to get through Thanksgiving. A long weekend with no kids here. However, I can go on long walks with our dog, do my filing, be caught up with reading and writing for school, and maybe finish a work project and watch some movies and maybe get some knitting project started. I'll also do a tiny bit of on-line shopping to add some splash to my wardrobe. Plus, the way my bio family is, I will be THANKFUL I don't have to spend it with them...lol, last night waiting for a play to start at the theatre, my daughter was asking me where was the nephew of mine (her cousin) who shot his sister in the head twice in front of her kids? I explained to her about the secure psych unit at the hospital where I used to work, and how I had given the people who were helping him all the info they needed about my bio family to understand how he got to be the way he is...sigh. Yes, I am thankful for peaceful Thanksgivings. Given some of the alternatives, alone is good. Of course, I won't turn down any invites. I might get one from my Quaker Meeting, who knows.


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## mwarrenk (Nov 13, 2012)

I am so dreading the holidays. She left me 8 days ago after I confronted her and is now living with him and visiting his family for the holidays. I am alone stuck in a one room apartment hundreds of miles from my family feeling like a caged animal. There is nothing I can do to fix this and it is driving me crazy.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

mwarrenk said:


> I am so dreading the holidays. She left me 8 days ago after I confronted her and is now living with him and visiting his family for the holidays. I am alone stuck in a one room apartment hundreds of miles from my family feeling like a caged animal. There is nothing I can do to fix this and it is driving me crazy.


Give it time,I spent the holidays alone last year but now things are much better.
I know how it feels,it sucks.
My wife is back though and she's working on it.
I wish the best for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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