# How to Solve the "Father not liking wife" issue



## anonymouswonderer16 (Mar 3, 2014)

Hello friends,
I am new to the forum but have found so much useful and helpful information and couldn't help to seek insight and advice from those who know or have experience that to hold this inside and not find resolution. My wife and I are from two different ethnic backgrounds but we have surpassed that issue among my family by everyone completely falling in love with her as she is indeed not only a sweet and good girl but as a wife she shows up to our marriage more than what any woman in my family imagined it would be like for me once I settled down. my mother, grandmother, aunt, absolutely adore her as do our friends. Another words there is no reason you can find to dislike her. She is a professional (dentist) educated, from church going family, smart, beautiful, funny, I mean perfect. Now my father, this is where it gets interesting. Culturally he was not so into the marriage thing but accepted it and even paid for the weeding insisting to do so. we have spent many times together since and they got along great. lately.....he began telling me and hinting how hopefully ill find another wife who is better because he thinks I am more good looking than my wife....now.....I appreciate you wanting the best for me but are you saying my wife is not pretty? hes response is no just not for you. ok I can live with that but then does that make all of the things we have done together or talked about .....fake? that's my issue with him protesting secretly that shes not a good for me because he also feels like she is using me because she grew up in third world country and I as a husband truly take care of her and provide financial security as I assume is normal in a marriage and pay the rent the bills and buy her clothes and drive her to work occasionally since it allows both of us to take the carpool lane? what exactly am I in violation of? so with that, he is acting around her like he is ignoring her not really communicating with her.......well now we have my birthday to celebrate and we will all be at the table....this is not going in the direction I hope since I already called him out on this and his opinion stands. Thank you for allowing me to express this out here and thank you for reading.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Maybe there's something going on between them that you don't know about. An argument, heated words, maybe something else...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If your father is forcing you to make a choice between him and your wife, then you know what that choice had better be.

Your father can state his opinion all he wants, but in the end it means nothing. Tell him that, and if he continues to sow dissent, tell him he's forcing you to make a choice and that he won't like what it is. If he really gets out of hand you may have to cut off communication with him, or get your mom involved. Does your mom have any influence over him?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wow...your father is a rude, nasty man. You need to tell him in no uncertain terms to shut his mouth and treat your wife with some respect! 

If you're forced to choose, your wife should be your choice.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

anonymouswonderer16 said:


> lately.....he began telling me and hinting how hopefully ill find another wife who is better because he thinks I am more good looking than my wife...
> 
> he also feels like she is using me because she grew up in third world country and I as a husband truly take care of her and provide financial security as I assume is normal in a marriage and pay the rent the bills and buy her clothes and drive her to work occasionally since it allows both of us to take the carpool lane? what exactly am I in violation of?


I'm sorry but your father is not behaving like a gentleman. You are, however, and your vision of marriage and loyalty to your wife is extremely upstanding. Moreover, your wife works and contributes to the family income so how can he say she is using you. :scratchhead:

I don't think you should tolerate it anymore. He has stated his aversion to your wife, it has been duly noted, now he can keep quiet about it.

And please do not allow him to be disdainful to your wife during family gatherings. 

It's always the same story. Why do people act badly? Because they can.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Omego said:


> And please do not allow him to be disdainful to your wife during family gatherings.


Absolutely...if he is rude to your wife at ALL, you need to get up and leave - immediately.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Disrespect to your wife is disrespect to you. Now, are you a man? What do you think about that disrespect?


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I think I have some solutions. First your dad lacks normal social graces even in a family situation; some might call him an idiot. Don't think this is normal or acceptable behavior and you certainly should not allow him to start causing problems in a happy marriage. 

That said, you get varying types of people in a family situation, and you don't have the luxury of choosing your family. 

Next time he brings this up, simply say, I am not comfortable with what you are saying about my wife and if he continues, simply excuse yourself. The only alternative is next time he brings this up, say, now that we are on the subject of wives, do you find mom attractive naked or something like that.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Sadly, a friend of mine has this problem. Her mother does not approve of her husband.

It could be race thing (she's black, he's white). It could be jealousy thing (my friend's father left her mother).

One thing that is certain is that it is unfair. My friend has shared some of the accusatory things she has said about him. 

And I think that this is the only way to go. As another poster said, maybe there is something going on that you don't know about and should. 

but if there is nothing, then it is only fair for your wife to know what is going on. Your father may try to to set her up in some way and she needs to know to have extra safe boundaries around him.


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