# Hubby traded in porn for an EA but says it wasn't ever sexual?!?



## lostlindsey (Jan 6, 2012)

is that even possible?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

anything is possible i guess, probablity is more important.

not enough info to give thoughtful probability or response. 

did he say he had a pron issue, and decided to quit looking at porn and have his needs met via emotional affair?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

It's quite a step from an EA to a physical affair. 

Either investigate more or have him take a polygraph if you're determined and he's willing to show his honesty.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Maybe an "I'll show her" type of thing? Was porn a problem in your marriage? 

I don't know...hard to say without any details, but anything is possible...


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Maybe an "I'll show her" type of thing? *Was porn a problem in your marriage? *
> 
> I don't know...hard to say without any details, but anything is possible...


Have you expressed concern about his porn watching habits before? Whether you did or not, outline, what you were aware of. And then what you know about his switch from porn to the current EA.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Do you mean, is it possible he never had extra marital sex, or that the EA was to fill some need other than sex?

My hubby claims his EA's were to fulfill a need for intimacy, not sex, and that the sex was like an extra he was hoping to get.


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## lostlindsey (Jan 6, 2012)

ok i've posted a few times so hopefully this doesn't seem repetitive to some. but our marriage was good. we were and still are close. we definitely had more fights lately mainly my fault b/c i just can't forgive. porn was never an issue. he's a tat artist and got bored at the shop so he clicked on a link from a forward. he says for the next few weeks he would look when he was bored but it always disgusted him so when he met a customer that reminded him of someone from highschool he started texting her instead. this wouldn't have been a problem with me if he had not hid it- but he did because it was a private thing and it was exciting but he says never sexual. he texted her many times anytime of day ignored my texts for hers ignored my pics for hers but it was never sexual. does that make sense? i know it never became physical b/c if he wasn't with me he was texting her. plus we are still sexually active and that never changed. he just all the sudden got too busy to keep in touch when he wasn't home but otherwise everything was the same so i didn't think anything of it. didn't wanna be a nag. he had recently required a harley and i thought maybe he was trying to be a bad boy? idk other than it really sucks here on my end.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Does he have brown eyes? I ask because he is full of ****. It may have never gone physical - there may not have even been sexting, just texting, but the ultimate reason for texting another woman and hiding it from your wife is for sex. He may even believe himself, but if it had gone on, sex would have resulted.


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## lostlindsey (Jan 6, 2012)

Blue as the friggin sky. Go figure. He's a shy sweet guy who even after 10 yrs together I never would've expected this from. Everyone always thought if our marriage didn't work it would be b/c of me. And I knew I wasn't gonna do anything. So I honestly thought we were solid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

concept extract from married mans sex life primer: 

Women tend to be hypergamous (one partner at a time, next one hopefully better than the prior), men tend to be polygamous, or capable of maintaining multiple sexual partners. 

Conceptualize with a grain of salt.


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## lostlindsey (Jan 6, 2012)

Easier said than done. (The grain of salt thing)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

lostlindsey said:


> Blue as the friggin sky. Go figure. He's a shy sweet guy who even after 10 yrs together I never would've expected this from. Everyone always thought if our marriage didn't work it would be b/c of me. And I knew I wasn't gonna do anything. So I honestly thought we were solid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My husband was the poster boy for loyal, true and all that stuff. Never in a trillion years would I, or everyone who knows what he did, have EVER thought he was capable of what he did.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

lostlindsey said:


> he's a tat artist and got bored at the shop so he clicked on a link from a forward. he says for the next few weeks he would look when he was bored but it always disgusted him so when he met a customer that reminded him of someone from highschool he started texting her instead.


BWAAAAAAAA!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

I gotta write that one down, that worked?

ROFLMAO!!!.


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## lostlindsey (Jan 6, 2012)

I should mention that he is completely computer illiterate so i do believe that is how he found the porn. do i believe that he traded it in for an EA? No, but he stopped as soon as i found out. no questions asked. well not from him anyway. hehe. we have kids together and I just wanna get over it. wish it was that easy. the fact that pics were sent makes it pretty obvious. he says that a majority of them were pics of wings but seeing as the two i saw were of her i find it hard to believe. when i asked why she sent him pics he said that she had said something about getting dolled up and he would ask for a pic. is that sexual or just flirtatious? because that really does make a difference to me. we are both flirtatious ppl but we've always done it in the open that way everyone knew it was all in good fun. and by flirty i mean if my friend came by to visit he would say something like "hey there pretty lady" right in front of me and i would act similarly with his friends. but it was always in front of each other. nothing out of hand.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Im sorry, Im having trouble swallowing any of this.

It's 2012. Your both young people, in his line of work the best resource for viewing and aquiring tattoo templates is the internet. If he is passionate about is work, there is zero chance he is completely computer illiterate... zero. 

You also mentioned that he is painfully shy, yet you also say he is very flirtatious?. Assuming that picture in your profile is you, this man is married to an attractive women. By default, Im forced to assume he is not a wreched ogre and is also a reasonably attractive person. In his line of work, the general profile of the types of people that get alot of work done has to be younger people, 18-35?, Maybe the type that parties a bit, some maybe excentric? certainly they (like most of the planet under 50+ years old) communicate primarily using technology (internet, email, text, etc)? Your painting him as a shy wall flower who lives in a cave?

Don't take this wrong...

I'm just trying to get my arms around some of this and none of what your saying rings true on my planet. Including what he said about why and what happened, sorta sounds absurd?. 

I just don't know. Something is just not right about this whole picture.


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## lostlindsey (Jan 6, 2012)

First off he really is computer illiterate. He doesn't even have a smart phone. He had tatted like 15 yrs ago and then started running equipment and doing remodeling. He started tatting again in jan of 2011 and didn't even have a computer in his shop. He had files upon files of flash and tons of magazines. Doesn't even have a smart phone so why he watching porn to begin with I don't kno b/c his screen sucked. As far as being shy. He is. I had to kiss him first and he's six years older. But at the same time once he gets comfortable with a person he does become more outgoing and even flirtatious. It's hard to explain obviously.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Its not that hard to explain, Im introverted myself. I understand. If everything you say is what it is, and you believe that 100% then... What and why are you asking ? 

Sounds like he loves you. He's commited to reconciliation and based on what you've said his remorse is genuine. 

Like he said, he stumbled into this evil internet thing and it corrupted him & tricked him into starting an emotional affair... 

Happens all the time.

Still kinda caught up on the part where he said he found the porn & naked women pics disgusting... yet said he looked at it for _weeks_ when he was bored? 

Maybe this makes sense to you?

Ah.. nevermind. It's probably nothing. Im sure he's telling the whole truth. People in affairs generally do. 

Just keep him away from that evil internet and women sending him pics.

*disclaimer* I am not saying he doesnt regret this, and that you guys wont make it through this. In the grand scheme, this could be 100,000x worse. I hope you recognize this story has holes & holes are scary.


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## lostlindsey (Jan 6, 2012)

To be honest other than I kno he's sorry that he stopped and that he loves me. Other than that I feel like I kno nothing of what really happened. I want to forgive but like u said his story is full of holes. And I've asked him repeatedly why he did it and just says that he was just bored and liked that a girl wanted to talk to him. We've been together 10 years so to leave him over it seems extreme. But forgiving someone who deceived me seems like an impossibility. Just wanted to see if there was anyone out there like him that could explain things to me better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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