# Caught my 10 year old watching Porn



## sionarah

Yep - talk about disgusting - I was all proud of myself. I had set up the laptop with a separate limited account for my ten year old daughter today. Her home page was a kids National Geographic site. She was all happy and learning things. I had the antivirus on parental control. I even went in restricted access to most chat worlds, etc. I went in to the aol "free" parental controls and it wanted a credit card number - so I backed off that and set it up with high levels of everything (at least it appeared safe to me). 

Together we read and even _signed_ the Internet Safetly form. I was certain she could behave with supervision sooo close. I gave her a little password and sat with her for about a half hour while she enjoyed the links off the National Geographic site. 

I went in the other room to do some things, my husband was sitting 5 feet from her watching football. I heard a "ding" from the other room and asked him to go see what site she was on. It wasn't the sound of her little game she was playing. (She is a "gifted" brilliant child, your all-American Girl scout with the blonde hair, blue eyes, dimples, the whole works.) She quickly closed the program on him and he said, "she shut it off whatever it was". I immediately went over and took the laptop and began my research.

She went running and crying hysterical into the bathroom. I knew there was a problem. I first went into the history and found that in that small period of time she had been on several sites I hadn't put in the restricted area. One called moovee or something, a club cooie site and some others. The last one was spank something. I was like....OK, lets go to the sites and see what they are. 

Well....the first two were 3d chat worlds, and she had made a horrible user ID, it actually contained the word sex and the F bomb in the user ID and they actually let her have that name! 
I was already sick to my stomach - when I clicked on the last site. My stomach turned when I saw the heading something about a mom having sex with her son and the f word was there. I showed it to my husband, it was a video that automatically played. There were all kinds of pop up horrible sex things on the right. We were totally grossed out even for the few seconds we saw and I closed the laptop trying to hold in the tears welling up in my eyes. Our daughter had just watched sex in the most disgusting of levels. 

She had still been crying and throwing a fit - full well knowing I was on to her. It didn't make it any better. Keeping her off the internet for life won't fix this one. I'm thoroughly disgusted this crap is readily available to our kids. I mean - Geesh, can't they make it so that crap is available to over 18 people and verify it just as we did to get into this forum?? How on earth is it legal for a ten year old to just click on a website and see incestual videos???? I don't even want to know what else is out there.


Why can't the internet be monitored better and why do so many blame the parents? I mean we can't be stuck to them all the time, but we can forbid any access to the net at all and maybe just go back to board games. I literally thought I was setting up a controlled atmosphere to help my little girl learn some new things on the internet. 

My heart broke when I saw what my little girl saw; it's like a violation of some type - that should not be accessible _by any means_ to our children. 

Apparently I didn't download enough protective software or change all the settings in the computer - well whatever I didn't do ..I just want to make you all aware that the problem is real and it is just as hard to keep it out of our pc's as it is a virus.

She said it just popped up when she was on one of those 3d virtual worlds and she clicked on it. She said it was gross and she thought someone should report it...but then again... She was smart enough to turn the volume down while the video was playing and she also made that horrible user ID. She is 10!

I don't know if enough church or psychiatry can help with this one but I sure pray something works. She is banned from all computers for a very very long time. I just don't know what to say to her now.


----------



## TNgirl232

Unfortunately it is up to the parents to patrol what their kids find and watch the settings. I mean honestly who gets to decide what is and isn't ok? The government, the FCC, Christian groups? I mean TV is moderated - but only the broadcast channels (abc, cbs, etc.) but not the cable channels. Ever see what they play on movie channels after 10 pm - we can't expect the world to take care of our children - we have to do it.

Kids are introduced to sex younger and younger and not just from the internet. Do you know where she got the words to create her username from - that sounds like something she had potentially picked up from somewhere else before getting on the internet - and that probably made her curious enough to start looking around. She also knew she was where she shouldn't be - thus the hiding it and throwing a fit when she knew she was busted. I would talk to her about how she knew about those words and start building a path to where the base information is coming from AND to talk to her about sex in general and get her to come to you for her answers and not the internet. I'm in no means blaming you - just now that the issue is here, step in and have her direct her questions to you.


----------



## sionarah

I wouldn't allow her to play with her 11 year old friend who had been setting bad examples with her behavior. She saw this girl two weeks ago under supervision. There was also 9 and 12 year old girls with them for about an hour and two of us parents were there. They were offering to take my daughter to meet a boy she thought was cute. Of course that was shot down immediately by me and the other girls mom.

She is really embarrassed now and I am going to talk to her about it. I mean this is the kid who covers her eyes when people kiss on tv. We don't allow her to watch anything over pg 13 and most of the stuff is Disney or such. The television has the parent control settings on it. I thought she was safe.


It's amazing how we try so hard to protect our kids and something still slips through to get to them. I guess you can't keep out all the bad from your childs life, that devil wants to get in somehow.


----------



## Meriter

My first reaction was that you should consider the possibility that she has been subject to sexual advances somewhere or even something more serious, but then after reading your other post I came to the realization that it might just be you.

I'm sorry, but to me it sounds like you are over-reacting and trying to create some type of bubble for your child to live in. 
She's a normal, healthy girl. Sure, you don't want her to spend all her days watching porn, but it happened. Just tell her that she's too young for that and move on. Sheesh!

I watched porn at that age (not the internet, but my dad's video tapes left lying around) and I like to think that I turned out somewhat normal.

Perhaps your over the top attempts to shield her from EVERYTHING has caused her to be even more curious and possibly rebelious in the future. 

And I don't believe for a second your husband is THAT offended by porn unless he's a monk or something. C'mon!

By the way, just because it may SAY you are watching incest, doesn't mean you actually ARE.
just like when it says the girl is 19 and really it is a 35 year old in pig tails.


----------



## maureenb

I just caught my 10-yr son looking at porn yesterday! So I know how you feel. I think Meriter is being a little hard on you. He/She must not have children! 
I calmly went to my son and asked him if he looked at the stuff and he denied it. I knew for a fact that it was him so he knew looking at it was wrong...knew enough to lie to cover it up. I told him he was too young to be looking at that sort of stuff and if he does it again, he won't be allowed on the computer. I also asked him if he had any questions about anything he saw...he said 'no' of course. He didn't seem really embarrassed or anything. I had told both of my boys previously that their dad and I can see whatever they do on the net so I reminded him of that fact. At this point, I don't know what else to do. I feel angry...angry at myself for not having stricter parental controls on the computer he was on and angry about the fact that he found this stuff so easily. I believe he found it through advertisements off to the side of a game he was playing. I haven't even gone back onto that computer to see exactly what he saw...I'm almost afraid to! I know he saw some videos and searched some terms like "hot girls" and one that broke my heart "man puts his wiener in a girls wiener"...My little boy! I feel like he's been violated!


----------



## Meriter

maureenb said:


> I just caught my 10-yr son looking at porn yesterday! So I know how you feel. I think Meriter is being a little hard on you. He/She must not have children!


Actually, I have 3 children.

And as for your thought that he was playing an innocent game and an evil ad led him to porn isn't too believable. It's rare to find porn ads anywhere but on porn sites. ..or or torrent sites (illegal file sharing).

My 4 year old is a wiz on the computer and he can navigate game sites with his eyes closed. I can tell you that those sites dont have ads up for porn on the side. 

Face it, your boy is just like every other boy of that age: curious. 
I know the net has made it easier for kids to find this stuff- and at younger and younger ages, but we have to remember: it is a normal curiosity.


----------



## Commited1

sionarah said:


> Why can't the internet be monitored better and why do so many blame the parents? I mean we can't be stuck to them all the time, but we can forbid any access to the net at all and maybe just go back to board games. I literally thought I was setting up a controlled atmosphere to help my little girl learn some new things on the internet......


The blame falls on the parents because it is on the parents to control their kids internet activity. Just as you can deny access to certain sites and allow access to all other sites, you can allow access only to certain sites and deny access to all others. 

That is what we are doing until our kids are old enough/make enough money to buy their own computers and pay for their own internet connections. 

I DON'T WANT the internet or any aspect of life "monitored better". 



> Apparently I didn't download enough protective software or change all the settings in the computer - well whatever I didn't do ..I just want to make you all aware that the problem is real and it is just as hard to keep it out of our pc's as it is a virus.


Bingo! How long have you been using the internet? The heads up is of course appreciated, but I would think everything you have said so far is common knowledge. 

We have 4 kids and only the 4 year old and the 6 six year old are old enough to navigate the internet and the sites they can access are strictly controlled by us.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

I know this is an old post, but thought I would share some.
I am going to have to side with Meriter here. Yes, we need to monitor, we need to do our part as responsable parents, but sounds like this MOM was doing what she could, it STILL happened, and will continue to happen IN LIFE outside of the home at times, other kids talking about sex acts in front of your child, sharing pictures, who knows what will come, but we can't confine them to a Bubble or sheild them completely from this world , unless of coarse you Home school them, which many parents are opting to do these days. 

I also agree with Meriter that I bet the Husband is not as repulsed as the wife or worried and if he is , he IS in the minority of men who grew up quite normal , even when porn did play some part in their growing up years, even if just magazines. My husband had a collection of 300 Playboys when he was 12, hid it from his Mom very well, he is the most faithful loving man imaginable, never had any kind of sex addiction. He learned most of what he knew about pleasing me (and we waited till marraige to have sex even) from those magazines! But he never ever shared this with me until he felt more comfortable with me talking about sex. Men like to hide their porn well. 

Your daughter is just Curious and WILL CONTINUE to be curious, it is best to not shame, but learn to be open about these things with her, allow her to share with you that she IS curious, and that is OK , you want her to come to you about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. 
This is one of the hardest things in the world for parents do deal with, their children's sexuailty. 
If she really did make usernames as you said, with such vulgarity, I would guess she has been hiding ALOT already from you, for you to have this kind of SHOCK from this seemingly perfect child. 

They will learn it somewhere. I would not read TOOO much into this, I have 6 kids, 5 are boys, my oldest and me talk about sex openly, he even shares his reluctance to NOT look at porn but he is " drawn to it" as a high testosterone male, he is still a virgin, a wonderful son. But it IS a battle and has been for years. I now have a younger son who has looked and I have yet to download something to block it, but I plan too, the husband made a little game of it when he discovered, took some of the things he saved & deleted & stuck them back on his desktop one day so he would freak out. (these things were nothing hard core, some were even sexual cartoons). I know, I know , this is serious, you Moms are thinking, but the husband almost didn't tell me this cause he didn't want ME embarass him! 

My husband was adamant about him not being shamed--or I should say , not to ADD to his shame. I think he is right. I am more intererested in my son feeling he can come to us with sexual questions than feeling he has to HIDE everything from us. Maybe we are more OPEN than most, I don't doubt this.

MY oldest thought what his dad did was really funny. And again, he has turned out just fine, functionally normal male, and still wants to wait till marraige to even have sex. He is VERY open with us and I feel I did something right to have him come to this place mentally and freely with us as parents. 

Just be careful to not completely destroy the diaglog between you and your daughter with this subject, she will always remember what just happend and how you re-acted and how terribly deeply shamed she felt in your presence. Trust me when I say she already FEELS shame, but is still curious. The last thing you want is her feeling this way for normal curiosity and making it a habit to hide all she is feeling from YOU because she felt so terribly & utterly shamed when you found out. 

Just another perspective. Maybe we are TOO open with our kids, they are aware Mom & dad enjoys sex, and we have lots of books on the subject in our bedroom. Maybe We need more balance. This could be true, but sometimes we go TOO overboard in protecting them also. 

*****Ironically I just had an hour long sex talk with this younger son, he came in the room while I was writing this, so thought now is a good time. It went very well, not too awkward, he said it was easier than he thought-talking to me, his mother. He asked me questions, he was honest, he even showed me some things on the net, how he struggles with this, how HE FEELS shame for looking, but that it IS good that we did not add to his shame. He wants something on the laptop to stop him from doing this. He wants to do the right thing. He did laugh about what we did , he was not sure Dad did that to his desktop that day, but it did freak him out. I think it was important that we CAN laugh a little about this. It is all about the learning, now we need to get down to business and start blocking. 

Downloaded K-9 Web Protection the next day, this is free and works well, except it blocks too much, even YouTube, I unblocked that for him, we all enjoy You Tube around here for music. 

Thanks for listening.


----------



## Atholk

Put the computer in the living room with the screen facing towards the middle of the room.

Periodically look at whats on the screen.


----------



## sooner2000

I dread the day that my kids stumble upon this crap. I believe that the parents should do all they can to restrict access to their kids internet viewing, but it is way too easy for anyone of any age to look at porn on the internet. Basically, you are only limited by your imagination as to what you can search for and get for free. Thankfully, most kids have a limited knowledge and imagination when it comes to sex, but it is rapidly changing and at younger ages. 

When I was 10, I didn't even remotely have a clue as to what porn was, much less sex. No child that yound should be exposed to something so graphic and distorted. There does need to be greater restrictions to access porn, but I'm not sure what the government can do other than have you enter your driver's license # in to prove your age or something like that. 

I'm sorry you had to go through this.


----------



## sooner2000

Atholk said:


> Put the computer in the living room with the screen facing towards the middle of the room.
> 
> Periodically look at whats on the screen.


That's a good idea.


----------



## shockedandamazed

Wow.. I just read all the way through this forum, and I can't believe how amazingly stupid and selfish you people are. This isn't about "protecting the children" this is about your own selfish need to keep your children as babies as long as possible, no mater what damage it does to them.

At ten, children are starting the long road through puberty. You people just don't seem to want to accept it! They are looking at porn? Wow, shocker! Children are naturally curious and while they may not understand what they are seeing, they are intently interested. Perhaps the problem shouldn't be needing more regulation but you sitting down and having a real, fank and open conversation about sex with your kids (but I forget.. that would break your illusion that they are your innocent little babies!). I am not talking about "When a man loves a woman" bull****. I am talking about a discussion about the MECHANICS of sex. I know that makes you uncomfortable, but again, that is your own selfish needs taking over for what is good for your kids.

Wake up. What needs to change is YOU, not the world or the internet.


----------



## cherrypie18

lol I watched porn since I was 12-13, fantasized about making out with my favorite singer at the age of 9 and experienced orgasms since then too, because I was going through puberty and was curious too. It didn't make me grow up to be a sl*t or have many sexual partners. I actually lost my virginity to my husband. It doesn't really matter what they look at, what matters is what you teach them is right or wrong. 
My younger brother has been looking at porn since he was like 10 too and since I did it myself I don't find it all that bad..it's only natural.
If you ban them they're still going to find it somewhere else.


----------



## thetruth

You know what parents used to do in the old days? They used to actually f$%#@# parent! They used to pay attention to what their children did and they didn't rely on TV or a computer to 'nanny' them because they were too damn lazy to do it themselves! You and YOU alone are responsible for how your child is raised and what they get exposed to. You will never be able to shield them from all the bad things in this life but you should make a decision early on with your spouse over what your parameters are and enforce it. I find it hilarious that you blame the technology for this. If this is something you care passionately for, why not spend some time actually learning how the software works and how to block what you'd like to block, clearly you just farted around for a few mins, said 'good enough' then turned junior loose with full control. You've got no one to blame but yourself in this scenario, there are dozens of excellent programs for blocking offensive content from children, you just didn't bother to do your homework and now you're crying foul.


----------



## lobibaby

wow... I'm 26 and a mother to three wonderful daughters. I know that eventually they will stumble across all of the pornography on the internet as they grow older, but seriously we are now a technologically advanced society. The internet is everywhere, on your pc, your laptop, even your cell phone.

Unless you are an older mother you were most likely exposed to pornography of some sort during your teen or pre-teen years. Porn isn't only on the internet. When I was younger I could find "Porn" everywhere, my mothers fantasy novels, late night tv, magazine covers. Heck even national geographic. My point is that rather than complaining about the internet, and pointing fingers at it, You should open your eyes and see that these are the times we are in. Children are growing up faster, are smarter, even genetically taller, than people 50 years ago, sexuality is prevalent in our society. There is nothing you can do to change that.

You can't just lock everything you don't want them to see away and hope that they won't be too damaged. when they grow into teens and rebel horribly against you for keeping them in a cage you can only blame yourselves, not the internet porn.

Have we not learned yet that children who are hidden from the real world become damaged adults? The world is not all lollipops and rainbows. It is dangerous, it is dirty, and yes it is sexy, and loving and can be wonderful at times. but rather than making sure they never see it, should you not teach them about it and the proper way to react to it?

I feel sorry for those who are raised in a cage, because it is _those_ children who lacked guidance; the guidance to live in our modern world.


----------



## Anooniemouse

I had the same problem this week, and I'm still deciding how I want to handle it. 

I locked down the home computers fairly well. There are decent parental controls in Windows Vista, and Windows 7. I locked out a lot of other things at the router, so they can't go to major chat services, and IM services. I do basic logging, and tracking on their accounts. They rarely get to use the internet unsupervised for any length of time. I've never had any issues with the home computers. 

I thought that was working out pretty well. Except they went over to Grandma's when the A/C burned out this week, and Grandma doesn't have jack on her computer for security, filtering, or anything else. I didn't even think about it, just told them they couldn't use it without someone with them. I'm annoyed they disobeyed this. 

I left to deal with the air conditioning people, and a few other things at the house, and grandma left them mostly unsupervised for a couple hours (thinking they were just watching TV). Last night I found out my 10 year old boy spent about an hour surfing all of the links at pornhub. (Take a gander, its not exactly soft core, but plenty of worse things out there too). Worse, he was watching this with his 6 year old brother. 

I haven't decided how I want to handle this today, and am open to suggestions. For the moment I have simply grounded him from the computer, but I haven't had time to mull over what I want to do yet. I wont see both of them until this afternoon.


----------



## turnera

Ask them what they think their punishment should be, when you get home. Then tell them that you are going to think about it, overnight, and let them know tomorrow what the punishment will be. The waiting will be worse than the actual punishment, lol.

I probably wouldn't do much more to the 6 year old except have a VERY frank talk about what all that stuff was about, and how people get hurt making that stuff. Ask him to think how he would feel if he had a sister who was doing it.

The 10 year old...I would probably sit down with him every day for half an hour for a few days, searching sites about what that industry does to young girls, and even young boys! Make him aware of what that industry is REALLY about, and how devastating it can be on people, the kids who go to Hollywood to be a star and end up doing that, abuse, drugs...all that stuff.

Scare the crap out of him about what it really is. And then tell him his punishment is he has to write you a two-page report on what the industry is really about.

Could be a great learning lesson for him.


----------



## KNA2009

sionarah said:


> Yep - talk about disgusting - I was all proud of myself. I had set up the laptop with a separate limited account for my ten year old daughter today. Her home page was a kids National Geographic site. She was all happy and learning things. I had the antivirus on parental control. I even went in restricted access to most chat worlds, etc. I went in to the aol "free" parental controls and it wanted a credit card number - so I backed off that and set it up with high levels of everything (at least it appeared safe to me).
> 
> Together we read and even _signed_ the Internet Safetly form. I was certain she could behave with supervision sooo close. I gave her a little password and sat with her for about a half hour while she enjoyed the links off the National Geographic site.
> 
> I went in the other room to do some things, my husband was sitting 5 feet from her watching football. I heard a "ding" from the other room and asked him to go see what site she was on. It wasn't the sound of her little game she was playing. (*She is a "gifted" brilliant child, your all-American Girl scout with the blonde hair, blue eyes, dimples, the whole works.)* She quickly closed the program on him and he said, "she shut it off whatever it was". I immediately went over and took the laptop and began my research.
> 
> She went running and crying hysterical into the bathroom. I knew there was a problem. I first went into the history and found that in that small period of time she had been on several sites I hadn't put in the restricted area. One called moovee or something, a club cooie site and some others. The last one was spank something. I was like....OK, lets go to the sites and see what they are.
> 
> Well....the first two were 3d chat worlds, and she had made a horrible user ID, it actually contained the word sex and the F bomb in the user ID and they actually let her have that name!
> I was already sick to my stomach - when I clicked on the last site. My stomach turned when I saw the heading something about a mom having sex with her son and the f word was there. I showed it to my husband, it was a video that automatically played. There were all kinds of pop up horrible sex things on the right. We were totally grossed out even for the few seconds we saw and I closed the laptop trying to hold in the tears welling up in my eyes. Our daughter had just watched sex in the most disgusting of levels.
> 
> She had still been crying and throwing a fit - full well knowing I was on to her. It didn't make it any better. Keeping her off the internet for life won't fix this one. I'm thoroughly disgusted this crap is readily available to our kids. I mean - Geesh, can't they make it so that crap is available to over 18 people and verify it just as we did to get into this forum?? How on earth is it legal for a ten year old to just click on a website and see incestual videos???? I don't even want to know what else is out there.
> 
> 
> Why can't the internet be monitored better and why do so many blame the parents? I mean we can't be stuck to them all the time, but we can forbid any access to the net at all and maybe just go back to board games. I literally thought I was setting up a controlled atmosphere to help my little girl learn some new things on the internet.
> 
> My heart broke when I saw what my little girl saw; it's like a violation of some type - that should not be accessible _by any means_ to our children.
> 
> Apparently I didn't download enough protective software or change all the settings in the computer - well whatever I didn't do ..I just want to make you all aware that the problem is real and it is just as hard to keep it out of our pc's as it is a virus.
> 
> She said it just popped up when she was on one of those 3d virtual worlds and she clicked on it. She said it was gross and she thought someone should report it...but then again... She was smart enough to turn the volume down while the video was playing and she also made that horrible user ID. She is 10!
> 
> I don't know if enough church or psychiatry can help with this one but I sure pray something works. She is banned from all computers for a very very long time. I just don't know what to say to her now.




Goodness I'm sort of offended that you referred to your child as all American girl scout because she had blonde hair blue eyes. I'm far from blonde and sure don't have blue eyes and I am intelligent and was a highly regarded girls scout when I was younger. My children aren't blonde hair blue eyed either and they are very brilliant. Nevertheless, I thought that comment was a little weird. But to add to the comments my 10 year old now 11 year old son was caught watching porn too and we took the laptop away and he is banned till like age 18. My H and I had a long hard talk with him giving him a "scared straight" type of approach. Telling him the gory details of what sex really is between a loving and consenting man and woman to be performed in private and that porn is something the world has created to feed peoples secret desires and is not for children, teenagers, and many immature adults. We explained by watching things that are sexually explicit like that he would not be able to handle the feelings he will experience inside and will want to act on them before he is mature enough to understand what his body is going through. We proceeded to tell him the short version regarding STD's, unwanted teenage pregnancy, rape, molestation and child endangerment laws. Needless-to-say he was floored and sense understands the severity of his actions and doesn't seem to be even the slightest bit interested in watching even adult themed shows like Family Guy. We ban those shows now anyway.


----------



## Mister E

I do not see what the problem is i watched some porn at 12-13 and hid it from my parents. Eventually people will find out, is the lesson i learned later in life. Kids are curious, so many mothers and fathers just have to be ready to explain it to their kids when problems like this happen. After talking to my wife about what crazy things we did as kids we decided to plan to talk to our son if and when he looks at that kind of stuff. Some parents feel like it is their duty to absolutely stop their kids from looking at stuff like that. But to do that they would have to have their kids living a sheltered life with no friends and no outside contact. Even when parents do that the parents themselves would have to stop being intimate with each other and then the marriage would eventually end.


----------



## ADi8227

I am going through this right now with my 7 y/o niece. She was on my laptop in her room and looked up sex videos. She said she saw on a show that a girl was wanting to have sex for the first time and her bf told her no, that they were too young. They were already making out, which is what she thought sex was. When she saw that part of the show she figured out it wasnt sex and decided to look it up. I was horrified of course. She didn't lie about it when I asked what she was looking out. I saw the shame in her face. I told her father and when I talked to her step mom I told her I thought it was time for the talk. It went well and we thought we were in the clear. Tonight one of her friends parents told her dad that she got on a porn site at their house! She was banned from the internet for the time being, it had only been 4 or 5 days... So now we are here... I have her a lot during the summer and I don't know what to do with her now either. She got in trouble the first time for not following the rules of the internet... she was only allowed on certain sites. She's been using the net for 3 years so I never imagined this... def not at 7! Now its at the point where she is showing other young kids! We are all at a loss. We stopped it at our house but cant stop it elsewhere! She obviously wont be going into friends houses for awhile!


----------



## johnboy63

People, people, please... The problem here is your personal desire to block everything or not allow your child access to a computer/internet! That is so not the way to solve your problems! 

The more you block or disallow, the more they will want to do it! What you need to do is communicate with your CHILD... child being the key word here... communicate to them, teach them what sex is, teach them why porn is unhealthy for a CHILD to watch, teach them that sex is normal for ADULTS, and PORN is not so normal, especially for a child! 

If you need to, show them examples of people who have crashed and burned because of an addiction to porn, which leads to weird lifestyles, which leads to alcohol, drugs, etc... (Charlie Sheen). 
Scare them straight... read them the news and let them know there are predators in the chat rooms. The key here is communication, education, and learning reality! 

Stop sugar coating everything and make your self realize what a horrible society we live in and the only way to survive today is to keep it real. I know they are children. Believe me that they know what sex is, whether you wish to believe it or not! 
I have a niece who has been sexually active since the age of 10. Yes I said 10! Lost her virginity to a 14 year old boy. No one was there to properly guide her. My sister was a single mother of 4, constantly changing boyfriends. My niece was extremely sexually curious with no guidance. 
There wasn't even internet back then. I wish I had lived closer and been there to teach her that her curiosity was normal but teach her how to deal with it properly as a young woman. That was about ten years ago. She's had a rough childhood, but at least now she knows she can talk to me anytime about anything and I will help guide her decisions.

Sex is very openly discussed in my household, and is not seen as a shameful subject. Currently, my nephew is 17 and has been openly sexually active since the age of 14, and yes I supply him with condoms... while my other nephew also 17 is not sexually active but knows what sex is but would rather wait for the right girl. I also have a 14 year old niece who constantly asks questions about sex but says she's going to wait until she gets into a good College.

Bottom line is, keep it real and communication is the key! We are surrounded by sex, drugs, and violence. You can't block these things from our children. You need to talk about it, not hide from it!!!!!!


----------



## Mom6547

sionarah said:


> Yep - talk about disgusting - I was all proud of myself. I had set up the laptop with a separate limited account for my ten year old daughter today. Her home page was a kids National Geographic site. She was all happy and learning things. I had the antivirus on parental control. I even went in restricted access to most chat worlds, etc. I went in to the aol "free" parental controls and it wanted a credit card number - so I backed off that and set it up with high levels of everything (at least it appeared safe to me).
> 
> Together we read and even _signed_ the Internet Safetly form. I was certain she could behave with supervision sooo close. I gave her a little password and sat with her for about a half hour while she enjoyed the links off the National Geographic site.
> 
> I went in the other room to do some things, my husband was sitting 5 feet from her watching football. I heard a "ding" from the other room and asked him to go see what site she was on. It wasn't the sound of her little game she was playing. (She is a "gifted" brilliant child, your all-American Girl scout with the blonde hair, blue eyes, dimples, the whole works.) She quickly closed the program on him and he said, "she shut it off whatever it was". I immediately went over and took the laptop and began my research.
> 
> She went running and crying hysterical into the bathroom. I knew there was a problem. I first went into the history and found that in that small period of time she had been on several sites I hadn't put in the restricted area. One called moovee or something, a club cooie site and some others. The last one was spank something. I was like....OK, lets go to the sites and see what they are.
> 
> Well....the first two were 3d chat worlds, and she had made a horrible user ID, it actually contained the word sex and the F bomb in the user ID and they actually let her have that name!
> I was already sick to my stomach - when I clicked on the last site. My stomach turned when I saw the heading something about a mom having sex with her son and the f word was there. I showed it to my husband, it was a video that automatically played. There were all kinds of pop up horrible sex things on the right. We were totally grossed out even for the few seconds we saw and I closed the laptop trying to hold in the tears welling up in my eyes. Our daughter had just watched sex in the most disgusting of levels.
> 
> She had still been crying and throwing a fit - full well knowing I was on to her.


On to her? What does that mean?



> It didn't make it any better. Keeping her off the internet for life won't fix this one. I'm thoroughly disgusted this crap is readily available to our kids.


What not teach her right from wrong so that if she stumbles onto something like that, she knows to click away?\



> I mean - Geesh, can't they make it so that crap is available to over 18 people and verify it just as we did to get into this forum??


Do you know what the internet is?



> How on earth is it legal for a ten year old to just click on a website and see incestual videos???? I don't even want to know what else is out there.
> 
> 
> Why can't the internet be monitored better and why do so many blame the parents? I mean we can't be stuck to them all the time, but we can forbid any access to the net at all and maybe just go back to board games.


Or you could teach them. Personally, I value freedom of speech, even bad speech. Teach your kids. That is what a parent is for.


----------



## Mom6547

ADi8227 said:


> I am going through this right now with my 7 y/o niece. She was on my laptop in her room and looked up sex videos.


Why is a 7yo on a laptop in her room?




> So now we are here... I have her a lot during the summer and I don't know what to do with her now either. She got in trouble the first time for not following the rules of the internet... she was only allowed on certain sites. She's been using the net for 3 years so I never imagined this... def not at 7! Now its at the point where she is showing other young kids! We are all at a loss. We stopped it at our house but cant stop it elsewhere! She obviously wont be going into friends houses for awhile!


Um. She cannot use the computer responsibly, therefor she cannot use the computer? But really, what business does a kid have being unsupervised on the internet? Turnera's advice is the best. Make it highly visible and access is granted only when someone is available to supervise.


----------



## tacoma

I think your reaction is more harmful to your child than the porn she was looking at.


----------



## Wrench

I think you reacted the wrong way too.

My catholic mother did the same thing everytime my brother and I got caught with porn, she just made it more enticing. 

We already saw it as the ultimate forbidden fruit (I mean we were 10 and 8, neither of us were popping boners yet). My friends mom would make fun of it when he got caught, she'd say he and his father were no better than the dog humping a boot

27 yrs later my friend still has a "whatever" attitude about sex and porn and my brother and I are still as goofy and perverted!


----------



## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

Wrench ~ Too Funny!

However :iagree: When my older sister and I were in our teens, my mother would try to discourage us from even thinking about engaging in sexual activity by telling us “making out is nasty”. If a movie or show on TV had a couple kissing or the scene implied they were going to have or just had sex, my mom would say something like, “Better not find out you girls are doing that.” etc.... Talk about growing up and thinking sex was one of the most terrible acts you could do. Good grief!!! Even well into my 20’s I got embarrassed when my friends would joke around or make comments of a sexual nature and I was not even taking part in the bantering. I took a course in college which also happen to cover a topic of human sexuality, the majority of the time I wanted to hide behind my text book. In my early twenties, my female primary physician referred me to an OBGYN (because it was time I had one). This OBGYN was well known in the area, rumored to be great and …….. male ……Yikes! You talk about having to learn how to have conversation without turning bright red. Although majority of your appoint that type of doctor is not even looking at your face and probably has no clue what color your eyes are. LOL!

Fast forward several years later; it took some time to undo the damage from the way my mother chose to program my sister and I not to be promiscuous. I’m not angry at my mother, she handled it the only way she knew how. I have learned from her mistakes though. My son is 10 years old and I will handle things differently with regards to sex and curiosity. Some years ago I met a woman who happened to be a court appointed child psychologist. Now and then she would share tid bits of stories related to her work. Ingrained in my memory are comments on how so many youths are misled when their curiosity regarding sex arises. That a great portion of a youth’s distorted concepts are developed from how their parents handle concerns about sex. She also stated there is no 100% answer for when each child is going to be curious regarding the sexual functioning parts of their bodies. And yes, porn definitely gives youth a very misguided idea of what sex is about. Especially the boys.  Sorry guys. 

The timing of this thread becoming active again is rather ironic to me. I’m currently waiting to hear from my ex to see if my son can spend a little time with him this evening. I very seldom ask to switch schedules around. Under most circumstances I have no problem taking my son with me on whatever errands/tasks need to be handled. However, this evening’s agenda consists of breeding a mare who is in season. Those are questions and a conversation to a can of worms that at his current age, I will wait for him to open.


----------



## calimontana

This is an amazing post. 

My 10 year old son I found was searching for porn online. I had looked through the history and found numerous sites he had visited. He tried saying he didn't go to them, but they were sites he had visited while me and my fiance went to the local store (we were gone maybe 25 minutes). I explained to him that they weren't appropriate and tried to tell him as best I could, that that wasn't respectful (so he could understand, but how do you tell a 10 year old that just watched a couple having porn style sex that it isn't OK, what IS ok?)

Anyway, to top that off, later on, weeks later, my fiance and I were having sexual relations in our bedroom, at around 2am, and mistakenly, we woke him up. Now he has a tendency to stay up for hours after bedtime, so I don't know if he stayed up or if we woke him up (we really try to be discreet). Well he really got mad at me because DADDY was doing what he watched on the computer, and I told him it wasn't OK. So now he's a little confused. Now he's mad because we're having a baby girl and he says its all my fault. LOL.

But, in today's world, its so hard to SHIELD your kids from every evil. When I was young, I used to be the porn mag king with my guy friends. Today, I'm 35 and haven't looked at one in gee.. over 15 years. 

I read another post earlier here, where a 6 year old was always in his room naked, playing with his stuffed animals and such. Sexual curiosity I think comes whether we see it or not. But with all the TV, Internet, FRIENDS at school.. its impossible to prevent visual and audio stimulation of that curiosity. 

We are sexual beings, with the gift of knowing how to keep it under wraps and private. When our kids get into it, we want to get mad or scared... but what are we really scared or mad about? That they are doing similar things we did? Unless it starts getting out of hand, don't worry too much. I just created a special account so that my son has very limited access.. so much that sometimes I have to go in and enter a password now and then so he can get on a site. But hey, thats called parenting. 

Don't beat yourself up too much over it. How old were all the guys in here when they first masterbated? Was that evil? Did you get in trouble for it? I hope not.. but lets put things into perspective a bit and try to stay sane. Happy parenting people.


----------



## Ben

I started watching porn when I was 12 and by 15 had seen most of the more extreme genres of porn and I think I turned out fine.

At the time a couple times a week my best mate who was raised by strict religious parents would come over and we would watch my porn and masturbate to it. It was just a fun thing we had that we could do that didn't mean anything.


----------



## RandomDude

In primary school = sex is already a subject
Your daughter was simply being a child; curious about it.

Banning her from the internet I don't think will do much as a disciplinary action. As of this moment there's nothing much you can do about the net, and it's not just the internet it's the freakin' culture. Sex and drugs. Can't help it, it is what it is.

You can not stop the external influence coming in, the only thing you can do is focus on teaching your daughter HOW to DEAL with these influences. She's going to encounter this everywhere, and when she enters high school the influences and peer pressure will be 10x stronger then what it is now.


----------



## Amplexor

jimrich said:


> >> I'm not a parent BUT.......


Nuff said!


----------



## jimrich

sionarahYep 
Since I am not a parent, I can only offer points from my own childhood about sex, trust, fear and other things surrounding SEX!
In our home, there was a kind of underlying PARANOIA about anything to do with sex! As a child, I remember being both interested in anything sexual and TERRIFIED of it. Now that I am older, I can see that most of my feelings and beliefs came from or were given to me by my parent's attitudes and behaviors surrounding sexual stuff. We didn't have TV or the Internet (I was born in 1937) but there were plenty of magazines in liquor stores for me to STARE at and I, being an artist, learned how to "trace" female figures from comic books and "create" my own NUDES from my drawings, which I always HID FROM my 'paranoid' parents of course! I don't ever recall discussing sex or sexual stuff with either of my parents & seldom with my older brother. Somehow it was always a loaded, dangerous, EMBARRASSING and frightening subject in our home. I can say that our parents, not us kids, created this whole worrisome scenario with their fearful and shameful attitudes, beliefs and behaviors EVEN though they both were quite experienced with sexual stuff! (as I later discovered!)


> She went running and crying hysterical into the bathroom. I knew there was a problem.


This sounds like how it was in my home. If my parents has ever "caught" me engaged in some sexy stuff, I would have ran hysterically away to hide in shame & fear of them. By 10, your child is already under the gun - just like I was.


> I was already sick to my stomach


Why sick? Is sexual stuff that upsetting or disgusting for you? Now you are sounding like my parents!


> Our daughter had just watched sex in the most disgusting of levels.


Oh, oh! I sense PARANOIA here!


> She had still been crying and throwing a fit - full well knowing I was on to her.


Wow, is your daughter a CRIMINAL? Has she committed a CRIME and been caught? Something is seriously wrong here!


> Keeping her off the internet for life won't fix this one. I'm thoroughly disgusted this crap is readily available to our kids. I mean - Geesh, can't they make it so that crap is available to over 18 people and verify it just as we did to get into this forum?? How on earth is it legal for a ten year old to just click on a website and see incestual videos???? I don't even want to know what else is out there.


This "crap" is available all over the place just as it was in my day. I didn't see the kind of "crap" that is available today (I heard about it from other kids) BUT the issue was never about the "crap", it was always about my parents distorted and paranoid attitudes and FEAR/SHAME and the fact that they couldn't bring them selves to teach me anything about sex or sexuality. LOL, my dad took to leaving sexy calendars around for us boys to "find" - I guess that was his ignorant idea of a sex education for us! If there is a problem with sex, porn and "crap" in your home it's up to you to SENSIBLY inform and educate your child about sexual things, not attempt to shield her (and your self) from what you cannot. Eventually she is going to encounter a lot of this "crap" and, as with me, will be better equipped to handle it IF YOU HELP HER with realistic education and discussions as out lined in many parenting books or classes.


> Why can't the internet be monitored better and why do so many blame the parents?


Why can't parents step up to the plate and HELP their kids instead of protecting and shielding their kids (and them selves) from things that are simply here? Tell your 10 yr old as much as you can or as much as you know and then let her deal with this "crap" as an informed person instead of running hysterically away like a criminal if and when CAUGHT BY YOU!


> My heart broke when I saw what my little girl saw;


Your heart would not 'break' if you and your child could discuss what you both saw and could see through the wrongness or silliness of it all and maybe laugh it all off. 


> it's like a violation of some type - that should not be accessible _by any means_ to our children.


But it IS AVAILABLE. So why not tackle it and HELP your child come to grips with what is either good or bad with any of it? I had such weird, sick and TWISTED ideas, beliefs, attitudes, etc. about sex all because my parents NEVER helped me understand or face it and my peers, in laws and strangers filled me with a disturbing mixture of good/bad, right/wrong, ok/not ok stuff about sex. My parents only helped me be afraid, ashamed and utterly confused about sex!


> I just want to make you all aware that the problem is real and it is just as hard to keep it out of our pc's as it is a virus.


WHAT PROBLEM? We don't have a problem with this "crap" because it doesn't scare or shame us and we FEARLESSLY see what is both good and bad about it.


> She said it was gross and she thought someone should report it...but then again... She was smart enough to turn the volume down while the video was playing


LOL, smart? or SCARED? Seems like guilt and fear to me! 


> and she also made that horrible user ID. She is 10!


At 10, she is old enough for you to sit down, maybe right in front of a porn show, and help her LEARN what is ok and not ok about what she IS GOING TO SEE ANYWAY. Talk about it, laugh about it, cry about it, discuss it, relate to it, reject it, but don't pretend she is not going to encounter that "crap" or that you can protect her from being interested in it or ever seeing it again!


> I don't know if enough church or psychiatry can help with this one but I sure pray something works.


IMO, and childhood experience, the only thing that is ever going to "work" [help your child understand things] is to openly educate and prepare your child (and your self) for what is here and that you can not block or prevent. Not sure what church or psychiatry has to do with understanding and learning about porn and sex other than psychiatry could teach you how to talk with your child about the FACTS OF LIFE. 


> She is banned from all computers for a very very long time.


LOL, at 10, she will do what I did and find lots of ways to go behind your menacing back and find the "crap" anyway!


> I just don't know what to say to her now.


How about "Honey, I'm sorry I acted so crazy about the computer but lets talk about the things you saw there and about sexy stuff in general. What is your opinion about .........?" and go from there! You both say and ask her about what she knows, believes, feels, wants, understands, expects, is afraid of, gets from and all about: life, sex, you, her self, punishment, rewards, happiness, God, etc., etc. Ask a lot of questions and give less LECTURES! Engage your child like an equal - not as a servant or "mere" child! 
My parents really blew it by treating me like a "thing" instead of an intelligent, feeling, caring, interested and human being in need of help . They had the idea us kids didn't need to be told or taught; that we were supposed to just pick things up from them or read their minds. We NEVER talked about anything of substance and they either LECTURED us or remained hidden behind stoic silence while we trembled in confusion, fear and ANGER! Read some books and LEARN HOW to talk with (not to) and HELP your child get ready for life. Sure wish my parents had done that but in those days, parents were PERFECT and certainly didn't need anyone telling them how to raise kids! 
good luck


----------



## jimrich

sionarah;103555]


> I mean this is the kid who covers her eyes when people kiss on tv.


That seems like SHAME to me!


> It's amazing how we try so hard to protect our kids and something still slips through to get to them. I guess you can't keep out all the bad from your childs life, that devil wants to get in somehow.


Don't blame the Devil!:scratchhead: It only "gets to" the ones that are not prepared and educated, by their parents or someone, to handle things. You can't keep out the "bad" BUT YOU CAN help them get ready to face it!


----------



## jimrich

maureenb


> I just caught my 10-yr son looking at porn yesterday! So I know how you feel.


LOL, "caught" - like you caught a criminal committing a crime?!?


> I think Meriter is being a little hard on you. He/She must not have children!


You don't have to be a parent to understand what kids go through! You just have to REMEMBER your own childhood!




> I calmly went to my son and asked him if he looked at the stuff and he denied it. I knew for a fact that it was him so he knew looking at it was wrong...knew enough to lie to cover it up.


 As paranoid as my parents were, I'd have lied too! It was only wrong because you, like my parents, made it wrong! 


> I told him he was too young to be looking at that sort of stuff and if he does it again, he won't be allowed on the computer.


Did you explain WHY he is too young? Does he understand what is wrong with a thing that is so fascinating and intoxicating for him even at his age??? 



> I also asked him if he had any questions about anything he saw...he said 'no' of course.


With your attitude, it's no wonder he didn't want to discuss thing with you! I suppose you could have drawn him out if you really wanted to to see where he stands about porn and show him where you stand, etc. 


> He didn't seem really embarrassed or anything. I had told both of my boys previously that their dad and I can see whatever they do on the net so I reminded him of that fact. At this point, I don't know what else to do.


IMO, you missed a perfect opportunity to get into a deep and educational discussion of the contents of porn and sex and help your son understand a few things and remove some of the guilt, shame and WRONGNESS surrounding a fact of life that you are never going to be able to block him from. Sorry you missed it!


> I feel angry...angry at myself for not having stricter parental controls on the computer he was on and angry about the fact that he found this stuff so easily.


Angry or FRIGHTENED?



> I haven't even gone back onto that computer to see exactly what he saw...I'm almost afraid to!


But you are the adult here! If you ever intend to help your son, you need to know what to help him with - like porn, sex, magazines, etc. Better check them out.



> I know he saw some videos and searched some terms like "hot girls" and one that broke my heart "man puts his wiener in a girls wiener"...My little boy! I feel like he's been violated!


Exactly how has he been violated by stuff he is going to be interested in and maybe wild about some day? Read some parenting books and HELP HIM!


----------



## Amplexor

I believe the OP in this thread is long gone since it was posted in 2009


----------

