# inter-racial relationships



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Are you in one? Have you ever been in one? Would you consider being in one if you have never? Do you have any thoughts about them? Would you have objections (whether voiced or not) about your children being in one?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Sorry, the thread title should be inter-racial relationships.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Yes l am in one and married at the time they were not popular as today.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Are you thinking of one?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I've been in several. Both of my marriages are with white men. My boyfriend from high school was the Scandinavian exchange student. I lived with Jewish boyfriend. And dated another Jewish guy. I have nothing particular to say about them. If you have a specific question, I might answer it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> Yes l am in one and married at the time they were not popular as today.


Have you had to deal with rude or racist remarks or actions from other people? 

Do you have kids? Have they dealt with any rude remarks about you and your wife or anything like that?

Where do you live? Do you think it would be different if you lived somewhere else?

Did your parents or anyone in your family ever say or do anything rude?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I am native American, with Spaniard, and my wife is of German- Scottish-lrish, my daughter is more skin toned as me where as my son is not as much but neither is light complextion. And as weird as it is my daughter loves to tan ( weird child) but sofar as skin tones they don't have to tan beautiful skin and complexion.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> I am native American, with Spaniard, and my wife is of German- Scottish-lrish, my daughter is more skin toned as me where as my son is not as much but neither is light complextion. And as weird as it is my daughter loves to tan ( weird child) but sofar as skin tones they don't have to tan beautiful skin and complexion.


Ha ha! I don’t think it’s weird your daughter would love to tan. If she were my friend I would be totally jealous of how fast and how dark she can tan (I have friends like this). I’m Scottish Irish and it takes a damn miracle for me to get even a slight tan. I wish I could get all lovely and dark like that. It will never happen so I get what I can and try to be happy with my barely there tan in the summer. I love the sun though so I still try anyway!

My exh is 1/4 Native American. He appears Caucasian mostly, if people don’t know his heritage. But in the summer when he can just go outside for 10 minutes and come back in 15 shades darker, then his heritage is a bit more obvious.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> *Have you had to deal with rude or racist remarks or actions from other people? *
> 
> Yes.
> 
> ...


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ha ha! I don’t think it’s weird your daughter would love to tan. If she were my friend I would be totally jealous of how fast and how dark she can tan (I have friends like this). I’m Scottish Irish and it takes a damn miracle for me to get even a slight tan. I wish I could get all lovely and dark like that. It will never happen so I get what I can and try to be happy with my barely there tan in the summer. I love the sun though so I still try anyway!


Yes, you two would hit it off together, and the Scottish-lrish make my wife the same as you and her cute freckles when she has to be out.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> !
> 
> My exh is 1/4 Native American. He appears Caucasian mostly, if people don’t know his heritage. But in the summer when he can just go outside for 10 minutes and come back in 15 shades darker, then his heritage is a bit more obvious.


I'm just a tad under 67% native, which helps me remain mostly hairless on my body. But as I grey I am envyed, by other friends temples greyed dashingly of asilver white and in my goatee brings out my drkbrn eye so dark you cannot see my pupils.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

But of course I still wear my high n tight Marine Corps issued haircut.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> I'm just a tad under 67% native, which helps me remain mostly hairless on my body. But as I grey I am envyed, by other friends temples greyed dashingly of asilver white and in my goatee brings out my drkbrn eye so dark you cannot see my pupils.


I don’t know if this is related to my exh’s heritage or not, but he still has all of his thick healthy hair at age 56. He also has almost no gray, except in his goatee which like you, is a very beautiful silver white.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Are you in one? Have you ever been in one? Would you consider being in one if you have never? Do you have any thoughts about them? Would you have objections (whether voiced or not) about your children being in one?


The only long term relationship I've had is with my husband. He and I are both white.

I don't care what color someone is as long as we are compatible. I dated men of various colors.

I don't really have any thoughts about them. People are people. I don't consider skin color when making friends and, when I was young and dating, it had no baring on my dating decisions, except I am more attracted to brown men. My husband is a dark skinned white man. I know that doesn't seem to make sense, but people frequently ask him if he tans. He doesn't. That's just his normal color.

I never really talked to my kids about it, because it doesn't matter to me. One of my kids asked me once how I would feel if they brought home a dark skinned man and I said, it depends on his character. Same for a white man. 

I have had close friendships with people in mixed race marriages and some of them have had some issues with rude people, but not in Washington or Oregon. My daughter is engaged to a man who is brown. They never have trouble in Washington, but they have had a couple of people yell at them when they were out of state. I was amazed. My daughter had someone ask her if she's had any trouble being in a mixed race relationship and my daughter didn't know what she was talking about. She never thought of it that way. There isn't anything different about their relationship due to the difference in their skin colors. I have a close friend who married a white man, she's not white. I have never heard that she's had any problems based on that. Their kids seem happy and well-adjusted. They are good parents.

I don't see an issue, at least in the Pacific Northwest. Even in another state, I wouldn't let the opinions of other people stop me. It's not like it's illegal or a huge deal anywhere these days, so I can't see that it would cause a problem for children. I've known many people who married people of a different skin color and I've never heard anything about a negative impact on the kids.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I carry the reddish brown tone skin, and I do get dark when doing outside work, you can visibly see my farmers tan. When I removed my tee-shirt.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t know if this is related to my exh’s heritage or not, but he still has all of his thick healthy hair at age 56. He also has almost no gray, except in his goatee which like you, is a very beautiful silver white.


I have to get my hair cut every 2 weeks but even if I didn't shave it would take 4 days for a shadow the ( Spaniard ) and l would have nice hair I'm sorry to say than most women. But the Corps rules in the short hair battle.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Cynthia said:


> The only long term relationship I've had is with my husband. He and I are both white.
> 
> I don't care what color someone is as long as we are compatible. I dated men of various colors.
> 
> ...


Interesting you mention Washington and Oregon. The only 2 states I’ve ever lived in. 

In Portland I do not hear anyone make rude or racist comments in general. But in the very small towns I grew up in, I heard a lot of rudeness and racism, including in my own family. Thankfully my mother was raised in Portland and is very anti-racism and raised my brother and I quite differently than many of our friends in the small towns. She could not do anything about the negative things we heard from others but she made sure to teach us this was not to be tolerated by her. 

In the town I spent most of my childhood in, population 2,000 people, there was not one black person. There were a lot of Hispanic and native Americans though and those people did feel racism all around them, which I know from being friends with them.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t know if this is related to my exh’s heritage or not, but he still has all of his thick healthy hair at age 56. He also has almost no gray, except in his goatee which like you, is a very beautiful silver white.


I would have to say my pheramones, of my ethnic side affects my wife, and always reminds me I smell wonderful to her? Does this play a part in your relationship?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> I have to get my hair cut every 2 weeks but even if I didn't shave it would take 4 days for a shadow the ( Spaniard ) and l would have nice hair I'm sorry to say than most women. But the Corps rules in the short hair battle.


I was going to ask if you ever wore it long. My exh did in his youth and from pictures I could see it was incredibly thick and lustrous.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> I would have to say my pheramones, of my ethnic side affects my wife, and always reminds me I smell wonderful to her? Does this play a part in your relationship?


Interesting. Yes I would say my exh seemed to have incredibly yummy pheromones. 

However my current relationship is with an African man. His pheromones are totally different but still yummy to me. 

Both seem to be different than white men, also. However a lot of that may have to do with diet rather than race.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> I was going to ask if you ever wore it long. My exh did in his youth and from pictures I could see it was incredibly thick and lustrous.


Yes until I joined the Marines, it was jet jet black and so wonderfully soft and shiny I am proud and didn't tie it back then, what also helped is I was physically fit and lean/cut I have a very fast metoablism, still do l am fit for a old guy.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> Interesting. Yes I would say my exh seemed to have incredibly yummy pheromones.
> 
> However my current relationship is with an African man. His pheromones are totally different but still yummy to me.
> 
> Both seem to be different than white men, also. However a lot of that may have to do with diet rather than race.


You could be correct I eat lots or Oreos.😀


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

But as far as the remarks go, I let it go because of ignorance, and them just being aholes, but my wife is fiesty and responds rather quickly. But when I respond it is gone to get settled then and there. It's take more for me to push my buttons, but if anyone even looks cross-eye at my babe, it's too late for talking for me, and yes I have been to court several times fighting mutual consent. But I always happy to pay the fine.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Ya gotta love that woman. And women like this it takes a strong woman to go against the current.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> But as far as the remarks go, I let it go because of ignorance, and them just being aholes, but my wife is fiesty and responds rather quickly. But when I respond it is gone to get settled then and there. It's take more for me to push my buttons, but if anyone even looks cross-eye at my babe, it's too late for talking for me, and yes I have been to court several times fighting mutual consent. But I always happy to pay the fine.


I unfortunately ended a relationship with a very close relative of mine because of some disgusting and racist remarks she made to me about my current man. It’s unfortunate because I love her and miss her and always will, but I will never be ok with her remarks and they were unforgivable. It started with those remarks about my guy, and then she said some other racist things about random people shortly after which she did not even realize I had heard. She has always been racist, and I had always ignored it and changed the subject. But when she made the remarks about my guy, and then the other remarks, I pulled away from her emotionally. She asked me what my problem was, so I tried to explain how the things she says are not ok with me. She freaked out on me and tore me to shreds (out of defensiveness). She never apologized or even acknowledged that she could see why I was hurt by her remarks. That was the end of our relationship for me.

It sucks, but it also sucked to have to hear her bullcrap so in the bigger picture, it was a necessity to end our relationship.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> I unfortunately ended a relationship with a very close relative of mine because of some disgusting and racist remarks she made to me about my current man. It’s unfortunate because I love her and miss her and always will, but I will never be ok with her remarks and they were unforgivable. It started with those remarks about my guy, and then she said some other racist things about random people shortly after which she did not even realize I had heard. She has always been racist, and I had always ignored it and changed the subject. But when she made the remarks about my guy, and then the other remarks, I pulled away from her emotionally. She asked me what my problem was, so I tried to explain how the things she says are not ok with me. She freaked out on me and tore me to shreds (out of defensiveness). She never apologized or even acknowledged that she could see why I was hurt by her remarks. That was the end of our relationship for me.
> 
> It sucks, but it also sucked to have to hear her bullcrap so in the bigger picture, it was a necessity to end our relationship.


I also ended some, but I'm still the winner in All categories.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

And when she gets emotions from this times, our love making is out of this world. I must say, I am lucky to have such a wonderful woman.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> I also ended some, but I'm still the winner in All categories.


When just out in public with my guy in Portland, I have never been aware of any remarks or sideways glances. However when we have gone to the beach towns which are very tiny and mostly all white, we have had some looks. Not necessarily negative ones, they may have just been curious looks or just “you two ain’t from around here, are ya” kind of thing.

My relative who I described lives in the south and was raised there, much differently than I was raised. However, it has more to do with her parents than her location, I believe.


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

Evolution has shown us that we are all the same.

We all came from Africa and moved and colonized areas.

We have different pigment in our skin because we adapted to our environments. Nature’s sunscreen. People with eyes that have lids closer together did so due to constant squinting from storms and adapting so they can see.

There are so many different factors that have played into ethnicity.

Wise people become aware of these things and do not care about things that do not matter.

Regretfully, religion is what is causing our global divide. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When _The Maker_ gave us color vision, this gave us so many choices.

Lower animal forms base their mating on coloration and on subtle body differences.

Choices lead to favorites, and just another reason to dislike something/someone.

Early on, people often lived apart because of race/ethnicity. 
Languages and customs grew apart. 
Trust was lost.

Conditioning over the years led to personal/group choices, as to, what to like and what to reject. 

This, and our village/city/home conditioning has led to the myriad reasons to think and live in prejudicial ways.

Race, and its strong ties to tribalism keep Mankind at odds. 

Yes, add in certain religious *teaching and you have this toxic mix that we must all deal with. 

Life is hard to live, on this, our many shaded planet.


*Religious teachings do not always come from the ancient scripts. Some are past/present period 'add-ons'.

They become these "Hate as you go", admonitions.

For many, it is easier to dislike, even to hate, rather than to love.



SCM-


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## JMarie (Aug 15, 2019)

@ Sun

“add-ons” “ hate as you go”
Agree with this.... 
Nothing upsets me more than fake news from fake Christians. 

I’m the product of a mixed raced couple. I’m proud of them for believing in love when everyone around them expressed hate.


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## Deepsouthdude (Feb 12, 2020)

In my area mixed race couples, especially black and white, receive negative attention still. Not from everyone but it’s still there. I’ve never been in an inter racial relationship but people I know that are experience this.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Have you had to deal with rude or racist remarks or actions from other people?
> 
> Do you have kids? Have they dealt with any rude remarks about you and your wife or anything like that?
> 
> ...



I am in an interracial relationship, as some of you know I am a tall above average sized black guy, and my girlfriend is a tall redhead. I hate to say it but we do get stares that let you know exactly how people feel. It seems that black women, and white men are the most upset when they see us. I chalk this up to them feeling like I belong on the "black" team, and she belongs on the "white" team. When it comes to black women I can tell that some are legitimately hurt by my choice of companion. That does kind of make me feel bad for them, but its not like I know them personally and I left them or something. I also have relatives that literally want me to dump her just so I can find a black woman. Its like people have the attitude that he/she is ours, and that they know whats best for us. 

Once when I was with my previous girlfriend we were near an early 60s white couple. I could clearly hear the wife say, do you see that pretty white girl with that guy over there, and I saw him shake his head and say "I know, I know". That did bother me, because to them it was as if she had thrown her life away by choosing me. I also had some issues with my current girlfriend's brother. He didn't want me around his kids because he was concerned that if his daughters saw me with his sister that they would want to date a black guy too. He has since come around. Apparently an angry phone call from his grandfather straightened him out. 

With that said, I can honestly say I've never been a part of "couple" that has gotten as many compliments as we do. So I do think the world has changed a lot. Its not always negative.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

No I have never been in an inter-racial relationship and no I would not consider one. I'm not against them, it just isn't me.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Nah nevermind.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Are you in one? Have you ever been in one? Would you consider being in one if you have never? Do you have any thoughts about them? Would you have objections (whether voiced or not) about your children being in one?


*Never been in one but then I don't really expect to be in a mutual relationship with a woman again! It would be crappy for the both of us!

As far as my boys go, it's basically their decision, and as long as they're up to it, Ol' Dad Arb stands fully behind them!

The only things that I personally abhor, other than mistreatment of another human or an animal, is illegal drugs and alcohol abuse!*


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> I unfortunately ended a relationship with a very close relative of mine because of some disgusting and racist remarks she made to me about my current man. It’s unfortunate because I love her and miss her and always will, but I will never be ok with her remarks and they were unforgivable.


Hi FW! 🤗 My husband is white, I am black and we have a very cute biracial kiddo. 

I think more than anything, beyond the stares (which my husband was surprised by) was how many friends and relatives he lost due to casual or overt racism which he didn't have to really confront before we got married. He took a very hard stand on it.

What he has explained to me is that he just really wasn't super aware of the amount of microaggressions that happen regularly until it was in his face.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

My husband is white (tall, blond, blue eyes) I'm Hispanic (short, dark brown hair, dark brown eyes.) 

Our kids don't even look related! Our son is my carbon copy, and out daughter looks like my husband but with a light tan. 

We've moved to different states through out our marriage, and from my experience, I've seen more segregation in the Midwest. I don't like the Midwest or the deep South because of the segregation issue and because it feels like they are behind in times.

I haven't heard any bad remarks, maybe I've seen some looks, specially when I'm out with my daughter and I speak Spanish to her. I often say people might think I kidnapped her! but I don't really care so I guess I'm not paying attention to what other people think or say about us. 

Now we live in VA where there's a lot more diversity than other states. Our kids school is very diverse and they love it! I love it too. 

My husband has a friend from HS who's very vocal about his dislike for other races, ethnicities, and religions, he really doesn't care if I'm around or not when he's talking about his beliefs. It shows how scared he is about stepping out of his comfort zone and experience something different. I can not live with someone like that. I see him and put up with him maybe once a year, lol!

My family loves my husband because he's very open minded and he loves to experience new things, nothing to do with his skin color. 

I love my husband's family. They have been nothing but nice and welcoming to me since the beginning. My in-laws are my adoptive parents here. I can count on them for anything! I'm extremely lucky and grateful for this.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

arbitrator said:


> *Never been in one but then I don't really expect to be in a mutual relationship with a woman again! It would be crappy for the both of us!
> 
> As far as my boys go, it's basically their decision, and as long as they're up to it, Ol' Dad Arb stands fully behind them!
> 
> The only things that I personally abhor, other than mistreatment of another human or an animal, is illegal drugs and alcohol abuse!*


I also don't do drugs never did much for me, and I quit drinking 27 yrs ago not a drop. This helped greatly keep me out of the court system. I am a better man for it.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

ReformedHubby said:


> I
> 
> With that said, I can honestly say I've never been a part of "couple" that has gotten as many compliments as we do. So I do think the world has changed a lot. Its not always negative.


This I co-sign, lol.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I was really hoping that attitudes had changed over the years. My sister's first husband was Hispanic and they had twin boys. No problems with the families or friends. However; the kids suffered. Their schoolmates taunted them and the worst came from the Hispanic kids. It broke my heart. To my knowledge, no adults were mean to them.

My mil was from the South and was quite racist. One time she made quite a scene when a friend of her kids (he happened to be half black) dropped by the house. I was abhorred and told her that her cracker upbringing was showing. If a person has a problem, they can take it up with the parents. Picking on kids shows what cowards they are.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > I unfortunately ended a relationship with a very close relative of mine because of some disgusting and racist remarks she made to me about my current man. It’s unfortunate because I love her and miss her and always will, but I will never be ok with her remarks and they were unforgivable.
> ...


Hi FF I was hoping you would chime in. I miss you!!!

I remember that you are adopted, right? Are your parents inter racial?


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

A further comment. I do not feel I am racist. It is a matter of attraction. I've never considered a relationship with a Black or Chinese woman as I am not sexually attracted to them at all and never have been. So frankly the thought of a relationship beyond a casual friendship with one has never crossed my mind.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> I was really hoping that attitudes had changed over the years. My sister's first husband was Hispanic and they had twin boys. No problems with the families or friends. However; the kids suffered. Their schoolmates taunted them and the worst came from the Hispanic kids. It broke my heart. To my knowledge, no adults were mean to them.
> 
> My mil was from the South and was quite racist. One time she made quite a scene when a friend of her kids (he happened to be half black) dropped by the house. I was abhorred and told her that her cracker upbringing was showing. If a person has a problem, they can take it up with the parents. Picking on kids shows what cowards they are.


My relative who I ended the relationship with, her parents (also my relatives of course) are horrible racists. They literally do things like leave a restaurant if a black person sits too close to them and loudly say “I’m not gonna sit here with a damn N word!” They also post racist crap on Facebook. I disowned them long before the incident with their daughter and me. 

Their daughter is much better than they are and she is actually embarrassed by them all the time. So she actually thinks she is not racist because she doesn’t openly say the N word and deliberately try to offend people. What she doesn’t seem to understand is that her underlying attitudes are still racist and her micro aggressions are still racism. 

Her comments about my guy were blatantly racist but she still doesn’t understand why. 

What shocked me the most was her scorch the earth response to me when I tried to talk to her about it. She was so angry that I would dare to call out her racism because she believes she isn’t racist. I am still shocked by it. It’s confusing because it’s so obvious. At least her parents don’t deny their racism and try to pretend they are something they aren’t.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I have had varying degrees of "relationships" with different races but not enough to get a really good picture of the crap that can come with that long term. There were a few comments and stares here and there, most coming from my dad because he's incredibly racist. That and H.S. and college experiences sort of influenced me but at this point, I don't care what other people do. It's none of my business and I have better things to worry about. I wouldn't actively try to find a woman of a different race, but I wouldn't turn someone down just because of their skin color either. I'm usually attracted to white women, but when I am attracted to a woman of a different race I'm really attracted to her - if that makes sense.

My grandpa was Native American and he desperately wanted his kids to marry white men/women. He spent his life pretending he was white, when he most definitely was not and wasn't fooling anyone. So he would have been extremely disappointed if I "ruined" all his hard work by marrying a Native American woman, or probably any woman with a darker skin tone. He was so damn happy when he found out I was marrying my wife (redhead, white as a ghost) because we'd have "the whitest of white babies".

I am mostly Scottish, so I'm white until summer hits and I spend a few hours outside. Then my smidge of Native American comes out and I'm dark brown. I've had comments on it in the past but, for whatever reason, only when my hair is longer. Up until about 2.5 years ago, my hair was to my shoulders. I've been growing it back out, and it grows insanely quickly, so I guess we'll see if I can get a comment or funny look this summer. There are pretty obvious looks that we get in the summer that we don't get in the winter. One of my kids gets very dark in the summer and there has been some bullying about it, but kids will find anything to pick on. My wife has been accused of allowing my kid to use tanning beds or tanning products, which is just stupid.

For whatever reason, most of the attention my wife gets is from men who are anything but white, and usually black. She has had a lot of negative comments just from black guys hitting on her, let alone dating one.

I think my only concern with my kids marrying outside of their race would be cultural issues. ***holes come in every color, so I don't care if my kids marry male, female, white, black, brown or asian. I just want them to be happy and be treated well. My parents and some extended family would throw a fit about it, but I think they would eventually get over it. Except for my dad, he's a racist ****.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I deal with it in subtle ways, from men who state that my wife is damn attractive, and then ask the length of marriage. And are shocked, but it's now and then but some just get off on stirring the pot.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

@ReformedHubby Your girl is a white red head and @bobert just said his wife is too and that she gets a lot of flirting from black guys. A friend of mine recently was saying she had a redhead friend and she got a lot of black dudes asking her out too. Do you think there is a common attraction from black men to redhead women? 

I never gave this any thought before now because I just assumed all men are attracted to red heads, lol.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> I never gave this any thought before now because I just assumed all men are attracted to red heads, lol.


This^^^


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

There is a genetic concern for bi-racial children. Many years ago, a black ball player down here was married to (I believe) a woman from Hawai'i and they had a daughter. The little girl needed a blood match for medical reasons and there was no match to be found because of her unique genetic make-up. She died.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I would say this was one of the reasons of the past, but rare blood type is just that rare.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Hi FF I was hoping you would chime in. I miss you!!!
> 
> I remember that you are adopted, right? Are your parents inter racial?


I miss you too! I'm not adopted and my parents are both black but my extended family (sister, cousins, aunts etc) include adopted children and tons of multi-cultural crossings.


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## JMarie (Aug 15, 2019)

My grandmother was 100% German. She had a rare blood type... died because of it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Hi FF I was hoping you would chime in. I miss you!!!
> ...


Oh sorry, I don’t know why I thought you were adopted. Must have been some prior conversation and someone else said it and I read the wrong poster name. 

I used to wish there was some color in my family or at least any of their friends (this is when I was a child in the small white towns). I would see groups of all colors on TV or movies and think to myself wow, what is wrong with my surroundings that we don’t have any POC here? That’s why I moved away immediately after high school.

Thankfully now I have lots of friends and my kids do also. I would have never raised them in my home town. 

The only thing that is still a bit weird for them is that Portland is very accepting and they have only lived here. So they have rarely seen racism in their lives and therefore don’t realize it is still a big problem in a lot of places. 

They were aware of the issue with my relative and they also heard some of the things she said. They were behind me 100% in ending that relationship and they have distanced themselves from her as well. Oddly, I think my relative actually thought my kids would be on her side and that they would try to convince me I was wrong. Ha, nope! They actually are relieved none of us have to be around her and hear her comments anymore. They also miss her and love her, but it was just not right and they always knew it. They are proud of me for standing up to her and refusing to be silenced about it anymore.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

One of my former coworkers was black (I'm white), and he told me that he felt it was fine for a black guy to date a white woman, but NOT for a black woman to date a white guy! I was pretty surprised at his attitude, and I laughed in his face and called him on it (we were good friends at work). Of course, I found out long after he left work that he was cheating on his wife, and they have since divorced, so......

Our neighbors are inter-racial (BW/WH), so my son grew up around that, no issues with him.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Tilted 1 said:


> I would say this was one of the reasons of the past, but rare blood type is just that rare.


This sounds bad but my husband (white Caucasian) found out he's A- at age 40 while donating blood for the first time. He assumed he was O+ since both his parents are O positive. 

This kinda scares me in case of a medical emergency. 😐


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

FrenchFry said:


> Hi FW! 🤗 My husband is white, I am black and we have a very cute biracial kiddo.
> 
> I think more than anything, beyond the stares (which my husband was surprised by) was how many friends and relatives he lost due to casual or overt racism which he didn't have to really confront before we got married. He took a very hard stand on it.
> 
> What he has explained to me is that he just really wasn't super aware of the amount of microaggressions that happen regularly until it was in his face.


This......right.....here.....


Great post.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> Are you in one? Have you ever been in one? Would you consider being in one if you have never? Do you have any thoughts about them? Would you have objections (whether voiced or not) about your children being in one?


Yes, I’m white (European descent) my first boyfriend was East Indian, and I’ve dated men of various cultures here and there. One man was African American and his parents came from Trinidad and Dominica (an island in the Caribbean). One man was Native American (Cree descent).

In terms of having thoughts about inter-racial relationship: I do still yes, and usually find myself attracted to and intrigued by different cultures. So, if I’m single in the future, I wouldn’t be opposed to being in an inter-racial relationship again. I never noticed anything out of the ordinary with them when out in public except with the African American man. For whatever reason, I found that when we were out and about and interacting or holding hands, we would get a lot of looks from other folks of his same culture. White people didn’t gawk, but black people sure did. It didn’t make me uncomfortable, but I did wonder why. Perhaps it was because he had a very “rapper” style and I’m definitely not rapper!


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

ReformedHubby said:


> I am in an interracial relationship, as some of you know I am a tall above average sized black guy, and my girlfriend is a tall redhead. I hate to say it but we do get stares that let you know exactly how people feel. It seems that black women, and white men are the most upset when they see us. I chalk this up to them feeling like I belong on the "black" team, and she belongs on the "white" team. When it comes to black women I can tell that some are legitimately hurt by my choice of companion. That does kind of make me feel bad for them, but its not like I know them personally and I left them or something. I also have relatives that literally want me to dump her just so I can find a black woman. Its like people have the attitude that he/she is ours, and that they know whats best for us.
> 
> Once when I was with my previous girlfriend we were near an early 60s white couple. I could clearly hear the wife say, do you see that pretty white girl with that guy over there, and I saw him shake his head and say "I know, I know". That did bother me, because to them it was as if she had thrown her life away by choosing me. I also had some issues with my current girlfriend's brother. He didn't want me around his kids because he was concerned that if his daughters saw me with his sister that they would want to date a black guy too. He has since come around. Apparently an angry phone call from his grandfather straightened him out.
> 
> With that said, I can honestly say I've never been a part of "couple" that has gotten as many compliments as we do. So I do think the world has changed a lot. Its not always negative.


My ex girlfriend and i got a lot of stares and some comments... her being black, and me white. Most of the negative comments directed at me were from black men, and most of the negative comments directed at her were from white women. I remember her telling me that it would be even worse if we lived in a big city(she was from NYC). 

Its like some men and women dont like people of other races "taking" _their_ men and women.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> ReformedHubby said:
> 
> 
> > I am in an interracial relationship, as some of you know I am a tall above average sized black guy, and my girlfriend is a tall redhead. I hate to say it but we do get stares that let you know exactly how people feel. It seems that black women, and white men are the most upset when they see us. I chalk this up to them feeling like I belong on the "black" team, and she belongs on the "white" team. When it comes to black women I can tell that some are legitimately hurt by my choice of companion. That does kind of make me feel bad for them, but its not like I know them personally and I left them or something. I also have relatives that literally want me to dump her just so I can find a black woman. Its like people have the attitude that he/she is ours, and that they know whats best for us.
> ...


Maybe someday in the future when everyone is brown this won’t be a problem anymore! Lol

But then we would not have the chance to experience that delicious difference either. For me, skin is simply beautiful no matter what color it is. But it is also wonderful to see my own skin next to much darker skin and I would miss it if I never had that opportunity again. Different is sexy! Same is also sexy! I want to experience both.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Maybe someday in the future when everyone is brown this won’t be a problem anymore! Lol


lol.
Nope. There is bias in skin shades as well.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Something i had completely forgot about... my ex girlfriend, having grown up in NYC, faced a lot of nasty behavior from men growing up. She had no problem getting in fights if people were harassing her. Anyway, we were at a mcdonalds one day to grab something to eat before heading out on a fishing trip. Someone made the comment "how did someone like that get a girl like her". He was black, and it was pretty clear that it was racially motivated. 

My girlfriend showed back, at the top of her lungs, "its because he has a big **** and a full wallet!!!" 

She is a trip!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe someday in the future when everyone is brown this won’t be a problem anymore! Lol
> ...


Indeed there is. But maybe in that future I’m talking about at least it won’t be used as a reason to discriminate. I’m a positive thinker!

Maybe people will have learned better by then and there will be more acceptance. Sad there cannot be acceptance now. Though at least there is acceptance in some areas.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Indeed there is. But maybe in that future I’m talking about at least it won’t be used as a reason to discriminate. I’m a positive thinker!
> 
> Maybe people will have learned better by then and there will be more acceptance. Sad there cannot be acceptance now. Though at least there is acceptance in some areas.


The places i find with the most acceptance is in military communities. Before my ex moved in with my wife and i, she used to worry about being black in north carolina. I told her she might be surprised at what its like down here. As it turned out, most areas near the military bases down here are nowhere near as bad as where she grew up.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Well, I'm lilly white - German, English and Irish. Blonde hair and blue eyes.

The farthest I've ever ventured was to spend a little time with a cutie pie back in high school who was of Mexican decent. That was as far as my attraction to another race goes, I'm not interested in experimenting with any other races. 

So I guess my answer to the OP's question is no, I have no desire to be in an Inter-racial relationship.


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Are you in one? Have you ever been in one? Would you consider being in one if you have never? Do you have any thoughts about them? Would you have objections (whether voiced or not) about your children being in one?


My wife of 25 years is Filipino-American and both sets of my grandparents came from Ireland, so with my blue eyes and brown hair we're completely different. My brother married a Jamaican woman, and there was never any kind of objection from our family regarding our marriages, nor would I object to any of my kids marrying anyone else.

Of my 3 boys, 2 look like my wife and one looks more like me. As far as I know, none of my sons have ever experienced any prejudice, although it's funny that my oldest son ALWAYS gets additional screening in international airports because with black hair and a beard I guess people think he looks middle eastern. 

My wife is thoroughly American (she was born in the US) and she has faced prejudice growing up in the Northeast, mostly when she was a kid but also during her college years. After college she lived in Hawaii for a while and she loved it because for the first time in her life she didn't feel like a minority.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Indeed there is. But maybe in that future I’m talking about at least it won’t be used as a reason to discriminate. I’m a positive thinker!
> 
> Maybe people will have learned better by then and there will be more acceptance. Sad there cannot be acceptance now. Though at least there is acceptance in some areas.


When it comes to race, I am all about prove it to me. I was a positive thinker for decades, until I saw the same things occurring now that I believed society outgrew 20 years ago.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> When it comes to race, I am all about prove it to me. I was a positive thinker for decades, until I saw the same things occurring now that I believed society outgrew 20 years ago.


I hear ya. I'm talking about a utopian imaginary future, I suppose. Therefore, no way to prove anything. I can't still pretend though!


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

The timing of this thread is awesome. My youngest daughter just recently began dating a black guy, she’s white. I grew up in the SF Bay Area so I grew up with inter-racial couples all around me and I have an aunt who married a man from Ethiopia, I have three mixed cousins with very Ethiopian names which I think are totally cool names. I’ve never had a problem with it but my daughters dad is another story. Midwestern small town with very few blacks is what he comes from. My daughter is afraid to tell her dad. 

I finally got to meet her boyfriend last weekend. He’s a good kid with a good head on his shoulders who works hard and is very polite. That’s what matters to me. Most kids in his age range (he’s 20) just want to party and mess around but he’s working hard and looking toward the future. 


I don’t know how to help with the situation with her dad. There’s probably not a whole lot I can do. I just wish there was.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I’m your standard Northern European type of guy with a mix of Viking and Highlander blood. 

Wife is middle eastern, with a genetic profile that shows all around the Mediterranean. And is very yummy. 

My kids all mostly look white. My brother in law calls my kids “so white” because they’re well behaved and not loud. Whatever. 

My wife says they get the presumption of white privilege without actually being white. Lol.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I grew up in Hawaii during the 1970s which is the only state in the u.s. where white people are the minority.

I soon learned race was no big thing.

Interracial marriage fairly common even back then.

One of my best friends was mixed race, his mom being of Japanese decent and his dad was anglo.
Many people there were mixed race.

I dont remember him saying he or his parents were ever given a second look.

It was just no big thing.

I continue to be amazed and shocked whenever I hear anyone make an issue out of it.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

White guy, Hispanic wife. Kids are very light skinned. I remember earning stares when we first started dating years ago, but nothing really anymore. I guess that segment of the population has (thank God) mostly died out. Oddly enough, her family is way more racist than my own. Some have made some...not disparaging but...regretful?...remarks about our kids skin tone. It was early on, and they're all in love with the kids now, but kind of weird.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Since I'm of mixed racial/ethnic descent, I guess ANY relationship I'm in would by definition have to be somewhat "inter-racial".


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> @ReformedHubby Your girl is a white red head and @bobert just said his wife is too and that she gets a lot of flirting from black guys. A friend of mine recently was saying she had a redhead friend and she got a lot of black dudes asking her out too. Do you think there is a common attraction from black men to redhead women?
> 
> I never gave this any thought before now because I just assumed all men are attracted to red heads, lol.


Hmmmm....interesting question. I can say I have a bit of a thing for them. Even my celeb crushes are redheads. If you ask me I thinkredheads even smell differently its hard to describe. With that said my girlfriend does get hit on by a lot of black guys but I can't say its because she is a red head. I think black guys for the most part don't mind chatting a woman up to see if she is interested if they find her attractive. I guess what I'm saying is maybe we're a bit more forward?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I'm a white Hispanic woman (see Joanna Garcia Swisher for an example) with limited experiences dating non-white men. I also live in the South. 

Before I started dating my ex husband, I went on a few dates with African American men and got the "remarks" and sideways looks from other African American men and women. I could go into details but suffice it to say those experiences were not positive. I congratulate those people with the strength to put up with that crap but I can't.

Due to my experiences, I haven't actively looked for non-white men to date but would be open to it for the right person; right person being someone with experience dating a "white" woman and has fought the good fight with family and friends. I'm not a trail blazer. 

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Lila said:


> I'm a white Hispanic woman (see Joanna Garcia Swisher for an example) with limited experiences dating non-white men. I also live in the South.
> 
> Before I started dating my ex husband, I went on a few dates with African American men and got the "remarks" and sideways looks from other African American men and women. I could go into details but suffice it to say those experiences were not positive. I congratulate those people with the strength to put up with that crap but I can't.
> 
> ...


Another redhead, IDK I believe if one is truly serious and committed to another, it's going to be dealt with. Now as l and others have said choices do have to be made somewhere. But I really put it this if you love someone you can over come. But turning away others to be safe is acceptable and. Sometimes blood is not enough to family. 

Let their narrow minded standards be just that, it is just their own insecurities they display for all to see. Does one really want to be with those type , and if money is in the mix your not going to endanger your loss and keep distance anyhow. I'm not saying to be out there but to some it could as simple as that person makes me happy enough to stay. But that's any relationship, isn't it?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I think mixed race people are rather exotic looking. Some of the most beautiful women I have seen are mixed race.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

My son has been in a year-long relationship with an "Island girl". We're Canadians, and Island girls are from the West Indies. Something interesting in conversation. We're Jewish. As it turns out, in his particular demographic, ladies from Jamaica seek out Jewish men for dating and relationships. Huh? Ok, so my girlfriend or so before my wife was a girl from Antigua. The subject of my being Jewish never really came up except when my mother fed her. (She liked gefilte fish-ugh, shiver, Polish style, even worse). He worked his way through university shooting weddings on the weekend with his buddy. His buddy is a really tall chap, whose family (mom is a hoot, a one beer wonder, an indian woman in a sari telling dirty stories while cutting her husband down to size with that lilting indian accent has made me piss myself several times) comes from just south of Mumbai (we were invited to his wedding in Mumbai, but it took place in August, and we were warned the indian sun would rip our skin right off). So my son is photographing these 3 day weddings and he has a number of women walk up to him and ask if he wants to date their daughters. So he remarks, "You know I am not indian, I'm Jewish." To which he got back, "Oh yes, I know you are Jewish, Jewish men treat their wives well and never beat them." So he comes home and says this to me. Sometimes you just got to shake your damn head.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Since I'm of mixed racial/ethnic descent, I guess ANY relationship I'm in would by definition have to be somewhat "inter-racial".


You're not one those half Scottish, half Irish mixed types, are you?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> You're not one those half Scottish, half Irish mixed types, are you?


Hey! Leave us out of it. I have a Scottish Mom and an Irish Dad. 
My Dad reckoned my Mom was so pale she needed two days in the sun to turn white. 
My wife is of Scandinavian descent and our daughter is so blonde her hair is almost white. 
As far as relationships with a woman from a different race I had a fwb arrangement with a Japanese woman for a year and she was the first woman I ever considered for a ltr.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Hey! Leave us out of it. I have a Scottish Mom and an Irish Dad.
> My Dad reckoned my Mom was so pale she needed two days in the sun to turn white.
> My wife is of Scandinavian descent and our daughter is so blonde her hair is almost white.
> As far as relationships with a woman from a different race I had a fwb arrangement with a Japanese woman for a year and she was the first woman I ever considered for a ltr.


LOL I just logged on to say men who are half Scots and half Irish are the worst! Penny pinching drunks - except for our Andy1001.

It's funny how stereotypes develop.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> > I'm a white Hispanic woman (see Joanna Garcia Swisher for an example) with limited experiences dating non-white men. I also live in the South.
> ...


But no one is serious and committed to each other when they first start dating. So no, love can’t overcome things before love has had a chance to even develop. We also don’t know if that person makes us happy enough to stay when just dating.

I think long term married folks forget this sometimes, so just pointing it out.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Wolfman1968 said:
> 
> 
> > Since I'm of mixed racial/ethnic descent, I guess ANY relationship I'm in would by definition have to be somewhat "inter-racial".
> ...


Ha ha! That’s what I am and I call this “white”. 

But maybe that was your point.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> LOL I just logged on to say men who are half Scots and half Irish are the worst! Penny pinching drunks - except for our Andy1001.
> 
> It's funny how stereotypes develop.


It’s a vicious rumor that copper wire was invented by two Scottish men fighting over a penny. :grin2:


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> But no one is serious and committed to each other when they first start dating. So no, love can’t overcome things before love has had a chance to even develop. We also don’t know if that person makes us happy enough to stay when just dating.
> 
> I think long term married folks forget this sometimes, so just pointing it out.


Probably true, love been out too long I guess.


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## Deepsouthdude (Feb 12, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> I think mixed race people are rather exotic looking. Some of the most beautiful women I have seen are mixed race.




I think so too. The skin tones and eye colors are usually stunning.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Lila said:


> I'm a white Hispanic woman (see Joanna Garcia Swisher for an example) with limited experiences dating non-white men. I also live in the South.
> 
> Before I started dating my ex husband, I went on a few dates with African American men and got the "remarks" and sideways looks from other African American men and women. I could go into details but suffice it to say those experiences were not positive. I congratulate those people with the strength to put up with that crap but I can't.
> 
> ...


I am also white Hispanic which is kind of funny because numerous members of my family are dark.
Our background is a mixture of Mexican and Spanish and we are a mileu of skin shades ranging from light to very dark. One of my great uncles was very dark, almost black, but he had blue eyes.

I must have a greater mixture of northern Spaniard in my blood.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> I am also white Hispanic which is kind of funny because numerous members of my family are dark.
> 
> Our background is a mixture of Mexican and Spanish and we are a mileu of skin shades ranging from light to very dark. One of my great uncles was very dark, almost black, but he had blue eyes.
> 
> ...


Those Spaniards got around lol. 

All of mine are Spanish/Portuguese but even within those two there is variance because the Iberian peninsula was Moorish for a good part of history. You have the European white people (blonde blue eyed) and the coastal people (see gypsies). 

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Are you in one? Have you ever been in one? Would you consider being in one if you have never? Do you have any thoughts about them? Would you have objections (whether voiced or not) about your children being in one?


I believe there is only one human race.

I have been in several relationships that could be defined as such.

Much of my family is multi ethnic, black, asian, native American etc...

Before I met my wife, who has white skin, I dated women of various ethnic backgrounds and might have even gone the distance to marry a girl with dark skin if it hadn't been for the extreme bigotry of her family and friends who were very prejudiced about my white skin.

My youngest son is engaged to a very attractive native American lady with whom he has two children already.

I couldn't approve of her more and love her like the daughter I never had.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> Hmmmm....interesting question. I can say I have a bit of a thing for them. Even my celeb crushes are redheads. If you ask me I thinkredheads even smell differently its hard to describe. With that said my girlfriend does get hit on by a lot of black guys but I can't say its because she is a red head. I think black guys for the most part don't mind chatting a woman up to see if she is interested if they find her attractive. I guess what I'm saying is maybe we're a bit more forward?


I have light brown hair and green eyes and I seem to be a black chic magnet.

There are a lot of red heads in my family though.

Maybe Gaelic genes are a draw?:grin2::wink2:


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

As long as 2 people love each other, are mutually respectful and are not abusive towards each other, then race should not have an impact on a relationship.

I would rather date a black man that treats me like a queen than a white guy that kicks the crap out of me.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

a_new_me said:


> As long as 2 people love each other, are mutually respectful and are not abusive towards each other, then race should not have an impact on a relationship.
> 
> I would rather date a black man that treats me like a queen than a white guy that kicks the crap out of me.


I'm sure you meant well with this post and I acknowledge this is likely a case of my overthinking, but I winced upon reading your 'rather than' scenario; that's a rough comparison. Yes, racism is real - even though race is a social construct.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> I have light brown hair and green eyes and I seem to be a black chic magnet.
> 
> There are a lot of red heads in my family though.
> 
> Maybe Gaelic genes are a draw?:grin2::wink2:


Space aliens, prefer green eyes human so yep, I would agree your a magnet.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> a_new_me said:
> 
> 
> > As long as 2 people love each other, are mutually respectful and are not abusive towards each other, then race should not have an impact on a relationship.
> ...


Yeah that comparison was a bit odd. I’m pretty confused by it.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I was one of those teens with the “Love see no color” key chains. 

My parents had zero prejudice, and neither do I. My grandparents had plenty. And I couldn’t even stand to discuss it with them. 

In my youth I was so badly hoping to fall in love with someone outside of my race, just to royally piss them all off.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> @ReformedHubby Your girl is a white red head and @bobert just said his wife is too and that she gets a lot of flirting from black guys. A friend of mine recently was saying she had a redhead friend and she got a lot of black dudes asking her out too. Do you think there is a common attraction from black men to redhead women?
> 
> I never gave this any thought before now because I just assumed all men are attracted to red heads, lol.





ReformedHubby said:


> Hmmmm....interesting question. I can say I have a bit of a thing for them. Even my celeb crushes are redheads. If you ask me I thinkredheads even smell differently its hard to describe. With that said my girlfriend does get hit on by a lot of black guys but I can't say its because she is a red head. I think black guys for the most part don't mind chatting a woman up to see if she is interested if they find her attractive. I guess what I'm saying is maybe we're a bit more forward?


I'm a redhead, and I get hit on by black men FAR more frequently than white men. I don't know if it's the red hair, or if black men are more ok with chatting women up.

I'm also plus-size with big boobs and a an ass like J Lo, so that might have something to do with it.

Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> I'm a redhead, and I get hit on by black men FAR more frequently than white men. I don't know if it's the red hair, or if black men are more ok with chatting women up.
> 
> I'm also plus-size with big boobs and a an ass like J Lo, so that might have something to do with it.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk


Meeeeooooooowwwwww >


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

heartsbeating said:


> I'm sure you meant well with this post and I acknowledge this is likely a case of my overthinking, but I winced upon reading your 'rather than' scenario; that's a rough comparison. Yes, racism is real - even though race is a social construct.


Yup, she must be a racist, lol. God damn society today. You have to keep your mouth shut if you are white.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

FeministInPink said:


> I'm a redhead, and I get hit on by black men FAR more frequently than white men. I don't know if it's the red hair, or if black men are more ok with chatting women up.
> 
> I'm also plus-size with big boobs and a an ass like J Lo, so that might have something to do with it.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk





Spicy said:


> Meeeeooooooowwwwww >


White men are scared of my booty, LOL 

Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> White men are scared of my booty, LOL
> 
> Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk


:smthumbup:

Booty gooooood!:grin2:


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm of Russian Jewish descent....petite runner type with strawberry blond hair and brown hazel eyes. I've never been in an interracial relationship....though having grown up in the American southwest I've been approached by a number of native and Mexican men.

I happen to be dating a white guy of Irish descent now....dark blond (well maybe a little gray as he's 54) and blue eyes, but it just so happened that we met and have a ton in common. At this point in my life I'm far more concerned with whether a man has his **** together and takes care of himself then his skin color.

However.....one of my closest girlfriends from my army days is a southern black woman and according to her black women often do not approve of interracial dating and get upset when they see black men dating non black women, so I feel like if I were dating a black man I'd be thinking about that and feel bad. That's probably silly but I think it would taint things. Perhaps if there are any black women here they cam weigh in on this.

I ride bikes and there are a lot of Hispanics....particularly south Americans...that are into riding. If I found myself single I'd be open to one of the cute ones


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> I have light brown hair and green eyes and I seem to be a black chic magnet.
> 
> There are a lot of red heads in my family though.
> 
> Maybe Gaelic genes are a draw?:grin2::wink2:


I used to teach in a high school with roughly half blacks and half whites, with a few others here and there.

One of my students was a tall, good looking Puerto Rican kid who'd been adopted by a black couple (birth parents were addicts that abandoned him). He was brown but not black....boy did the black girls love him. He had his pick and definitely loved them.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

RebuildingMe said:


> heartsbeating said:
> 
> 
> > I'm sure you meant well with this post and I acknowledge this is likely a case of my overthinking, but I winced upon reading your 'rather than' scenario; that's a rough comparison. Yes, racism is real - even though race is a social construct.
> ...


Don’t put words in our mouths. The post in question was worded oddly and made us unsure of the meaning of it. Neither heartsbeating nor I said anything about being racist. It was simply oddly worded. 

White people don’t need to keep their mouths shut but you could take a step back before assuming any harm was meant. Heartsbeating and I both felt that post was odd but we did not assume any harm was meant. Neither should you.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> Don’t put words in our mouths. The post in question was worded oddly and made us unsure of the meaning of it. Neither heartsbeating nor I said anything about being racist. It was simply oddly worded.
> 
> White people don’t need to keep their mouths shut but you could take a step back before assuming any harm was meant. Heartsbeating and I both felt that post was odd but we did not assume any harm was meant. Neither should you.


That’s funny because heartsbeating went straight to “racism”. Re-read her post. Yes, being a white male in today’s society, I have to watch everything I say and everything I do.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Don’t put words in our mouths. The post in question was worded oddly and made us unsure of the meaning of it. Neither heartsbeating nor I said anything about being racist. It was simply oddly worded.
> 
> White people don’t need to keep their mouths shut but you could take a step back before assuming any harm was meant. Heartsbeating and I both felt that post was odd but we did not assume any harm was meant. Neither should you.


Thank you, FW.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

RebuildingMe said:


> That’s funny because heartsbeating went straight to “racism”.


Easy, tiger. 

I did not go straight to racism. However, maybe I needed to input a spaced line, to separate my thoughts in writing.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

heartsbeating said:


> Easy, tiger.
> 
> I did not go straight to racism. However, maybe I needed to input a spaced line, to separate my thoughts in writing.


Don’t “easy” me. You know exactly what you did. Went straight to the “racism” card. Disgusting.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

RebuildingMe said:


> Don’t “easy” me. You know exactly what you did. Went straight to the “racism” card. Disgusting.


I know that I have been misinterpreted. 

Race is a construct - and racism is real.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> RebuildingMe said:
> 
> 
> > That’s funny because heartsbeating went straight to “racism”.
> ...


Yes there should have been a new paragraph for the sentence about racism being real.

I knew you were not referring to the author of the post but maybe others did not. 

Apologies to @a_new_me for this being more than any of us meant it to be. I simply thought your wording was odd.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

RebuildingMe said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Don’t put words in our mouths. The post in question was worded oddly and made us unsure of the meaning of it. Neither heartsbeating nor I said anything about being racist. It was simply oddly worded.
> ...


Feel free to start a new thread to complain about the things white males have to put up with.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes there should have been a new paragraph for the sentence about racism being real.
> 
> I knew you were not referring to the author of the post but maybe others did not.
> 
> Apologies to @a_new_me for this being more than any of us meant it to be. I simply thought your wording was odd.


Agreed - with all of the above, including to a_new_me. 

And thank you FW, for 'reading' me as was intended.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> Yup, she must be a racist, lol. God damn society today. You have to keep your mouth shut if you are white.


Nope. She clearly said it was a rough example. She didn't call the poster a racist.

I once had a friend that gave a rough example in the other direction and asked me if I wanted my sister to get married to/have a boyfriend that was a greasy, dirty, scummy black man.

I answered that I didn't want a greasy, scummy, dirty anyone to have her regardless of color.

She ended up marrying a black man, ironic, and giving me two nice nephews.

I'm white, though my family has a mix when it comes to heritage, and I say what I want. I always have even in the face of opposition.

There is a lot of nonsense going on, usually to some degree throughout history, but you don't have to get so caught up in it.

The lovely Catwoman doesn't have the color of heart and mind that you have intimated.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> However.....one of my closest girlfriends from my army days is a southern black woman and according to her black women often do not approve of interracial dating and get upset when they see black men dating non black women, so I feel like if I were dating a black man I'd be thinking about that and feel bad. That's probably silly but I think it would taint things. Perhaps if there are any black women here they cam weigh in on this.


I am not a black woman but I can share some insight into this. This probably isn't going to make sense to you but I believe it to be true. Using my girlfriend as an example who is from the south and has quite a few black female friends and acquaintances. Like you her friends made it clear how they felt about black men and white women dating. Many don't like it, but they always make exceptions. My girlfriend was worried about how they would receive the news. To her surprise ALL of her black female friends with negative attitudes about inter-racial dating were like, "You go girl!". What she didn't realize is that these women saw how unhappy she was when she was married, and to them her being happy meant more to them than the color of my skin. I don't think people change their attitudes entirely, but they do make exceptions for those that are close to them when it comes to their prejudices. 

With that said there are non-black friends that she didn't tell my race that did distance themselves after she posted a picture of us. No one too close to her though. One or two "mean girls" she hung with in high school, and a handful of male admirers/orbiters that all of a sudden stopped "liking" and commenting on everything she posted. She found this odd, because these were guys that didn't care about the white guys she dated when she first got divorced. Its like they felt she was tainted now.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> I'm white, though my family has a mix when it comes to heritage, and I say what I want.


Because you are a white liberal you can.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I read an interview of a black woman who said upstanding and respectable black men are in short supply (prisons, drugs etc) that when such a man goes against his race that leaves fewer potential mates for black women.

You're quite the catch so I can imagine your girlfriend will be getting quite a few dirty looks. lol


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> Because you are a white liberal you can.


You might want to work on that chip on your shoulder. Women in the dating world will not find it attractive. It smacks of sulkiness.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> Are you in one?


No, based on 'popular' definitions of race anyway.



> Have you ever been in one?


Yes.



> Do you have any thoughts about them?


Many, though overall I find it much easier to have a LTR with someone of a similar background, and I recommend it really.
Casual relationships are meaningless as much as the races involved, but when things get abit more serious then no, I don't prefer them, for many reasons.

Even if the partners are wonderful human beings their extended family may not be and I'm quite done with adopting racist f-kwits as family and having to constantly deal with them.



> Would you have objections (whether voiced or not) about your children being in one?


Yes, but ultimately I will respect her decision, would only warn her about the complications involved with them based on my experiences.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> However.....one of my closest girlfriends from my army days is a southern black woman and according to her black women often do not approve of interracial dating and get upset when they see black men dating non black women, so I feel like if I were dating a black man I'd be thinking about that and feel bad. That's probably silly but I think it would taint things. Perhaps if there are any black women here they cam weigh in on this.


One of the girls I dated, for a very short time obviously, made me drop her off a couple blocks from her neighborhood because she would have been physically assaulted by her friends and family if they saw her with me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> Because you are a white liberal you can.


Dude!

I'm actually one of the most conservative people you can find here.

Not the most but you wouldn't have to go very far to find the most conservative person on TAM.

I have had repercussions in real life, because anyone will who says what they believe, but I still say what I want.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> I read an interview of a black woman who said upstanding and respectable black men are in short supply (prisons, drugs etc) that when such a man goes against his race that leaves fewer potential mates for black women.
> 
> You're quite the catch so I can imagine your girlfriend will be getting quite a few dirty looks. lol


This isn't exactly something I wanted to say, but you're spot on. Within my community I am what checks off most boxes for black women, and there definitely is a feeling that I should consider color first when dating out of loyalty. I get comments all the time like, "I'm happy for you, but why couldn't you have found a black girl". Some even ignore the fact that I am dating and try to set me up with a "a nice black girl", totally ignoring the fact that I'm taken. 

I do have one somewhat funny and kind of sad story to tell from my past. When I was in college I was a summer intern. Most of the execs took a liking to me so I hung out with them a lot. One of them really wanted to introduce me to his daughter. I thought that was kind of odd. Ironically she was indeed an attractive redhead. But at that time in my youth I didn't want to take a chance of screwing my career up if things didn't work out with his daughter and I. So I kept making excuses as to why I couldn't meet her.

But the guy kept pressing the issue, then one day he finally took me aside and showed me a picture of his daughter and her boyfriend. Admittedly the guy in pic did look like a negative sterotype, he also could never keep a job, and was driving his daughter's car as much or more than his daughter was. This was awkward for me, on one side I had to acknowledge a very real negative sterotype, but I didn't take it as a reflection on me, or all black men in general. 

I did my best to explain to the guy that I couldn't "save" his daughter from her boyfriend, and that just because I'm black it doesn't mean that she was going to be attracted to me anyway, that she likely does care about this guy, and that he can't expect that trading one black guy for another would work anyway! In his mind he was going to fix his "problem", by finding her a better (his opinion) black guy. 

He understood when I again declined to meet her, but I could tell he was disappointed. Definitely a weird experience for me. I did look her up on facebook a while back. She is married now and living in Arizona with a family and kids. Her husband appears to be latino. I am glad she is happy, and I am sure her dad is too. Because he really didn't like that other guy. I don't think he was racist, just a dad trying to get his daughter away from someone that was using her, and wasn't good for her to be around. He sure did have interesting logic.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> The lovely Catwoman doesn't have the color of heart and mind that you have intimated.


... just wanted to say thank you.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

The only long-term relationship I have experienced is with Batman. Between us, we cross-cultures, and have different accents to each another. Voice/accent was the first thing that attracted us before we met; didn't even think to describe our appearances. Anyway we met, and he didn't run the other way. Go me. As far as melanin, my tan is derived from moon-beams. Whereas he sources rays of sunshine. 


It has been a quarter of a century since I dated anyone other than Batman. Casting my mind back, to before I had a cell-phone and still wore doc martens, I was friends with a gorgeous, young man (resembles Alfred Enoch), who was a couple years older than me. When I was thinking of moving out of home (aged 17), he suggested we share a place as platonic room-mates. However, when we tried to discuss potential living arrangements, the conversation became pure flirtation between us. He then kissed me at a party, and invited me on a date. But the date felt mutually awkward... so we remained friends, flirtatious sometimes, but nothing to explore. I know mama hearts liked him, but was against me moving out of home - and with a guy. I did concede, after some rebellious objections. So, him and I didn't room together. On a slightly different note, several months later, Batman came onto the scene.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

RebuildingMe said:


> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> > I'm white, though my family has a mix when it comes to heritage, and I say what I want.
> ...


Again, stop thread jacking and start a new thread to whine about how hard life is for you. Please!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

@heartsbeating Of course cats and bats make an interspecies relationship. I did not think to inquire about those! Lol

You’re so cute.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Dude!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Maybe it's because you're a conservative who is open to new ideas and discussing things in a civil manner and you treat everyone--even us evil liberals!--with respect. To some people, you might look like a *cough* closeted *cough* liberal *cough* LOL

From my perspective, you've never struck me as particularly conservative. I find that we agree on a lot of things, and I lean very far left. But maybe we haven't had the right discussions?

I'm not arguing with you over your leanings, if you identify yourself as a conservative I believe you 

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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> Because you are a white liberal you can.


You know, I get that white conservative men do get treated unfairly at times, so I will give you the same advice that I was given by most white conservative males when I experienced racism. Get over it! Or my personal favorite. Ignore it! Stop whining! etc. etc. 

Sorry...I couldn't resist >.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> You know, I get that white conservative men do get treated unfairly at times, so I will give you the same advice that I was given by most white conservative males when I experienced racism. Get over it! Or my personal favorite. Ignore it! Stop whining! etc. etc.
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry...I couldn't resist >.


Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! OMG, I'm dying. Give me a minute to catch my breath. Whew!

Brilliant. You win the internet today.

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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

FeministInPink said:


> Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! OMG, I'm dying. Give me a minute to catch my breath. Whew!
> 
> Brilliant. You win the internet today.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk


Now who’s continuing the thread jack?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

RebuildingMe said:


> Now who’s continuing the thread jack?


Cheesus, chill out, dude.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> lol.
> Nope. There is bias in skin shades as well.


I've experienced this in my home country and other Hispanic countries.

There's a lot of racism and discrimination based on your skin shade in Latin America.

In my home country I'm not white enough to be considered a "white Hispanic." 

One time in Mexico, I went to a convenience store with my daughter. The lady at the register said "she's beautiful" to my daughter and I said thank you. The lady looked at me kinda shocked and said, "she's your daughter?" I said yes. She laughed and said, "I thought you were her nanny..." I only smiled and said, thank you and left. My husband couldn't believe what the lady said to me. 

When I told my family the story, they told me I should dress differently, wear more make up, straighten and lightened my hair color! 

Thank God my husband likes me the way I am!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

pastasauce79 said:


> I've experienced this in my home country and other Hispanic countries.
> 
> There's a lot of racism and discrimination based on your skin shade in Latin America.
> 
> ...


My African boyfriend was telling me how he is one of the lightest in his family. Which I can definitely see, although he is pretty dark I know there are many, many shades darker than he is. I asked if this made any difference and he said not really but just a little bit, like a little bit of envy from some of his siblings. 

This is something I never thought about before I knew some dark skinned people who do everything they can to stay out of the sun so as not to get darker. I guess it is a personal preference for how they want their skin to be, but it is super odd to someone like me who wishes I could be darker and I get into the sun as much as I can. Also because I kind of love every skin tone, so darker or lighter is great. Even on the same person, like I have a Japanese friend and her skin is so beautiful to me whether it is winter and she is fairly pale, or like after she comes back from Jamaica for a couple weeks and is very, very dark. Both are beautiful to me.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I stay out of the sun because it scares me, LOL! (Seriously, I have very fair skin and burn super easily. I only go to the beach at night or with 70+ SPF, and never between the hours of 11 am to 2 pm.)

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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

FeministInPink said:


> I stay out of the sun because it scares me, LOL! (Seriously, I have very fair skin and burn super easily. I only go to the beach at night or with 70+ SPF, and never between the hours of 11 am to 2 pm.)


I burn easily too, but I have found out how to build up to a tan (finally learned this I should say....took me 40 years of trial and error). I basically have to start with 5 minutes at a time, then 8 minutes, then 10 minutes...and so on. And I have to be able to do it every other day for a month or so, because if I can't do it for a week, I have to start all over again. Once I build up to 30 or 40 minutes in the sun (still with sun block on some areas, and turning over like a rotisserie chicken all the time, so basically no part of me gets direct sun for more than 15 minutes at a time) by then I have a tiny bit of a tan. Then I have to keep doing it weekly at least or else poof, it is gone and have to start over again. But anyway this way I do not burn.

If I'm trapped in the sun with no base tan for 15 minutes somewhere hot, I will be fried beyond recognition.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Wow...you guys are touching on everything. Yes, even within the same race, being too dark can be a bad thing. Many of my ex-wife's relatives commented about how dark I was. I remember when I had my first child. The first question I was asked is, is he light skinned? He was, he was even born with blue eyes, which is extremely rare for two black parents. He was celebrated as some sort of achievement. Meanwhile his mother and I were just grateful he was healthy. But yes African Americans have long had color issues within our ranks. There are black fraternities/sororities that had "paper bag" tests in the past. If you were darker than a paper bag. You couldn't join.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> Maybe it's because you're a conservative who is open to new ideas and discussing things in a civil manner and you treat everyone--even us evil liberals!--with respect. To some people, you might look like a *cough* closeted *cough* liberal *cough* LOL
> 
> From my perspective, you've never struck me as particularly conservative. I find that we agree on a lot of things, and I lean very far left. But maybe we haven't had the right discussions?
> 
> ...


I might be a liberal with conservative highlights, like a brunette with blonde highlights? Or vice versa? LoL!:wink2:


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> I burn easily too, but I have found out how to build up to a tan (finally learned this I should say....took me 40 years of trial and error). I basically have to start with 5 minutes at a time, then 8 minutes, then 10 minutes...and so on. And I have to be able to do it every other day for a month or so, because if I can't do it for a week, I have to start all over again. Once I build up to 30 or 40 minutes in the sun (still with sun block on some areas, and turning over like a rotisserie chicken all the time, so basically no part of me gets direct sun for more than 15 minutes at a time) by then I have a tiny bit of a tan. Then I have to keep doing it weekly at least or else poof, it is gone and have to start over again. But anyway this way I do not burn.
> 
> If I'm trapped in the sun with no base tan for 15 minutes somewhere hot, I will be fried beyond recognition.


My pale skin goes better with my hair and eyes, so I think I'll stay that way 

However, [the tops of] my forearms have developed enough of a base tan on their own that they are a completely different skin tone than the rest of my body. This is because the walk from the subway to my former job was exactly 5 minutes. For 11 years, I would walk in the sun for exactly 5 minutes around 9 am, and for 5 months out of the year (May-Sept) I was wearing either a sleeveless dress or a short-sleeved cardigan and no sunblock. I had SPF on my face because of my face lotion, so my face doesn't have the same base tan. But both have an insane number of freckles.

The only problem with the pale skin is that it's also highly sensitive. So instead of a lovely, consistent alabaster, I have alabaster with lots of freckles and red splotches from whatever just irritated my skin, LOL

Like, in the morning, I always have a bit red splotch on my sternum after taking a shower. BECAUSE MY SKIN GETS IRRITATED FROM THE LITERAL ACT OF TAKING A SHOWER. And my sternum is the part of my body that gets hit the most in the shower. It took me YEARS to figure out why the heck my skin was blotchy like that in the morning.

White people problems, LOL 

My other favorite WPP is that my best bud is a black man, and he would NOT pass the paper bag test. Anyhoo, it's a constant struggle for us to take pics together... either he is underexposed and looks like a brown blob next to me, or I am overexposed and look like a white ghost with bright orange hair next to him. So, that is a white person problem that is black person problem adjacent.

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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> But yes African Americans have long had color issues within our ranks. There are black fraternities/sororities that had "paper bag" tests in the past. If you were darker than a paper bag. You couldn't join.


WOW. I know that black-on-black racism is a thing, but I had never heard of this specific example until today. It's kind of like woman-on-woman sexism, I guess.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Apologies, it’s been a bad 24 hours. On with the discussion. You won’t hear from me anymore on this thread.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Different stories have been shared in this thread, so here's another. I know that when my MIL brought my husband's father home to meet the family, they were all surprised with, 'Who is this white man?' Unrelated, but the relationship didn't last. When Batman was still young, his mom moved them to a different area, away from the community and gangs that his uncles were part of, back in the day. He felt somewhat displaced both in the new surrounding community, and when they occasionally returned to visit. Some family members affectionately teased him for being 'too white' - which was less about appearance, and more about the difference in cultural tools and nuances. I enjoy learning about his heritage and upbringing; as it contrasts so much to my white British roots.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

lifeistooshort said:


> However.....one of my closest girlfriends from my army days is a southern black woman and according to her black women often do not approve of interracial dating and get upset when they see black men dating non black women,


I have no more respect for this than I do for the white men who disapproved of white women dating outside their race during Jim Crow, at least when violence wasn't part of the equation.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

FeministInPink said:


> My other favorite WPP is that my best bud is a black man, and he would NOT pass the paper bag test. Anyhoo, it's a constant struggle for us to take pics together... either he is underexposed and looks like a brown blob next to me, or I am overexposed and look like a white ghost with bright orange hair next to him.


This is why interracial dating is wrong. It didn't used to be, but once they invented photographs it became wrong.

Of course I am kidding, no problems w/ interracial dating.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Just gotta have the right lighting!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Just gotta have the right lighting!


Just the right lighting is so hard to find!

I got the new Galaxy S20, and I have high hopes for this camera and it's ability to take pics of black and white people at the same time.

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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I'm sure you meant well with this post and I acknowledge this is likely a case of my overthinking, but I winced upon reading your 'rather than' scenario; that's a rough comparison. Yes, racism is real - even though race is a social construct.




Maybe I live in a bubble.

Where I live, and how I was raised, we did not live without movement. We stopped caring about things that had no implication on the present or the past 4-6 generations before because we acknowledged that all cultures have lived and survived through their BS and they then grow and move forward.

Yes, racism is real, but only in countries that allow it to be. 

There is a massive difference in Northern European countries than there is in North American countries. 

I am sorry, but I stand by what I said.

If you would like to take a History lesson and learn about the implications of Spain and other Southern European countries,..by all means.

All I am saying is that I do not GAF.

I am trying to be present and not let the past implicate my future, even though I respect it. 

We need to grow and stop dwelling on the past and learn from it instead.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Agreed that photos in the dark are tough, or indoor photos taken in places with mood lighting. But anything outdoors with some light works well, this is definitely an overcast day. I took her back to my hometown about three weeks ago, she hadn't met my extended family. Everyone loved her! I was worried for nothing. I do have one aunt that will never approve, but there isn't anything I can do about that.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I think the mainstream (= white) media discourages black women dating outside the race. 

It's been a while since I've read articles about black woman languishing in singledom due to the shortage eligible black men. and how we need to stay in our lane.

IT does seem sometime that pictures of partners of famous people are not very available in the mainstream press. I learned that Boris Becker married a black woman in Jet and Ebony and not from any other American publication.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

ReformedHubby said:


> Agreed that photos in the dark are tough, or indoor photos taken in places with mood lighting. But anything outdoors with some light works well, this is definitely an overcast day. I took her back to my hometown about three weeks ago, she hadn't met my extended family. Everyone loved her! I was worried for nothing. I do have one aunt that will never approve, but there isn't anything I can do about that.


She's a fox and you two look great together. You both look really happy. I hope it works out!

99% of my in-laws didn't approve of me, either. Until they got to know me. Now 99% of them get along with me more than they do my wife! Don't sweat it, just live your life.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When my Dad was growing up in Ireland he lived in a town that had a population of only about twelve thousand people. However it was located in the middle of a large catchment area and within an hours drive there was about ten towns of similar size not to mention hundreds of villages.
Because there was a railway in this town the government decided to build a huge hospital that would serve everyone within about eighty miles.
During the fifties in the west of Ireland there were very few people of different race, ironically the only Asian or Colored people who lived in the area were doctors and consultants in the hospital. 
So the wealthiest people in the area were the very people who were being discriminated against everywhere else in the world.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I’m impressed, a healthy discussion with learning. Racism would disappear if we could all talk it out like this, but even in this thread there is always a Godwin’s law moment.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> Agreed that photos in the dark are tough, or indoor photos taken in places with mood lighting. But anything outdoors with some light works well, this is definitely an overcast day. I took her back to my hometown about three weeks ago, she hadn't met my extended family. Everyone loved her! I was worried for nothing. I do have one aunt that will never approve, but there isn't anything I can do about that.


As soon as I seen this photo I thought of the old heavy weight boxer Jack Johnson.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> I think the mainstream (= white) media discourages black women dating outside the race.
> 
> It's been a while since I've read articles about black woman languishing in singledom due to the shortage eligible black men. and how we need to stay in our lane.
> 
> IT does seem sometime that pictures of partners of famous people are not very available in the mainstream press. I learned that Boris Becker married a black woman in Jet and Ebony and not from any other American publication.


My black army buddy who told me that black women do not approve of dating outside of one's race (see my earlier post for more details) was once bemoaning her then single status to me. She's a strong, accomplished woman and hadn't been having much luck with black men.

I asked her if she'd considered white men because IMO many would appreciate what she offered. She seemed surprised by that suggestion, and not long after mentioned a date with a guy who enthusiastically pursued her. I said he's white isn't he....she said yes...how did you guess?

I said I told you white men will appreciate you.

She did eventually find a black man who's great with her kids and they've been living together for a few years now. Her kids are of mixed race....black mother and father from central America. Son looks like dad but daughter is the spitting image of her.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> As soon as I seen this photo I thought of the old heavy weight boxer Jack Johnson.


LoL, I can't say that I look like him, but I'll acknowledge that the pic of me I posted could draw that comparison. I do think its ironic that you picked Jack Johnson, he had three white wives during his lifetime, and he was arrested multiple times for "transporting white women across state lines for immoral purposes". These laws were used to arrest inter-racial couples. Well not the woman, just the man. Ultimately Jack Johnson fled to Canada at one point to avoid being harassed.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

You can probably say hell life's too short to bemoaning of this so trivial, I'm a man and a proud on at that. I don't let the narrow minded, taught racism to bother me. But back in the day it was better for one reason you knew where and what people to stay away from. 

I remember the day of white only drinking fountains and restaurants who would not serve other than. But as remarkable as it it I survived and the type of thinkers who wouldn't do interracial is ok as well. My happiness isn't dependant on then and those. 

But the same could be said of those who are not white the families I mean, are more than will to show they think you must stay in the chosen blood. Horse crap, I like seeing my Scottish-lrish white woman next to my skin she is all about it also. And why she is not bother by it is the same reason I am not. I would like to say I'm above this but l like what I see, and it is pleasurable and pleasing. 

I didn't try to get her to buck the system but because she turns me on and that's enough for me. 

Do I ever think what a red sister would do for me, but I am blessed with my wonderful children that I taught not to have a chip on their shoulder.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

2&out said:


> A further comment. I do not feel I am racist. It is a matter of attraction. I've never considered a relationship with a Black or Chinese woman as I am not sexually attracted to them at all and never have been. So frankly the thought of a relationship beyond a casual friendship with one has never crossed my mind.


Interesting. There isn't a shade of human sporting an xx combination that hasn't caught my eye.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

2&out said:


> A further comment. I do not feel I am racist. It is a matter of attraction. I've never considered a relationship with a Black or Chinese woman as I am not sexually attracted to them at all and never have been. So frankly the thought of a relationship beyond a casual friendship with one has never crossed my mind.


See and this is where the issues start. Like Conan, I have never met or seen a race I consider off limits or unattractive. What people don’t like to talk about is If their respective culture is making people feel like you do.

No, I don’t consider it racist at all. Yet, it does give me pause to wonder what may have happened to turn you completely off to two of them.

Not a knock, not an accusation, just plain curiosity.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I'm appreciating the honest discussion here.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

@ReformedHubby

Great picture and you two are a nice looking couple.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Interesting. There isn't a shade of human sporting an xx combination that hasn't caught my eye.


I draw a line at the French. 
One has to have some standards after all.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I draw a line at the French.
> One has to have some standards after all.


LoL, no comment.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

In the early 90’s I worked with a white lady, she was probably approaching 40 at the time. She was telling me that she used to be the admin assistant in a department where one of her bosses was a black guy. This would have been in the mid or late 80’s.

She said sometimes she and the black boss guy would go to lunch together, and it always made her worry that people would think they were on a date.

That concept was super odd to me. Who cares what anyone thinks, especially if you are not on a date anyway? We can’t even be friends or colleagues without someone on the outside looking in and being judgmental? 

But in looking back at how people used to be...it’s just how things were. I don’t know if she was a racist. I don’t recall ever talking about race with her or ever hearing her say anything about race other than that conversation. I’m clear that she was not attracted to black men, and to me that doesn’t equal racism. But I’m not clear if she would give side eye to an inter racial couple herself. Maybe that was why she feared being on the receiving end.

I’m all for dating or not dating who you feel attracted to or don’t feel it. But why would anyone look at what someone else is doing have think it’s any of their business?

Rhetorical question obviously because no one who would actually think that way is going to admit it here, if there are any here at all, which I hope there isn’t.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I've gotten some flack from white girls due to dating white guys.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I draw a line at the French.
> One has to have some standards after all.


>:grin2::laugh:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I've gotten some flack from white girls due to dating white guys.


Wow. What do you even say?

Kiss my ass *****, or do you go the classy route and ignore them?


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I am white...fine Irish/Scottish redheaded, freckles white. I almost married an Asian man years ago. His mother is Indian and his father is Chinese. Very handsome man. The only person who ever gave me any flack about it was my mother. "You know your kids will be black, right? That's really difficult." Ugh. 

I married a man just as white and freckled as me so my kids are also super white. I buy sunscreen in bulk. And when I can't find my girls on the beach, I just look for the whitest skin and there they are!! It would have been good to mix some darkness with my whiteness but it didn't turn out that way. LOL


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> Interesting. There isn't a shade of human sporting an xx combination that hasn't caught my eye.


Same, though I do have preferences.

E.G. I don't normally go for X women or Y women and prefer Z, but I'd rather a HOT X or Y over a Z that I dont find attractive. And I acknowledge there are individual HOT X or Ys, even though I find them MUCH rarer than HOT Zs, in my eyes (remember, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder)

Still, I always say I don't go for Xs or Ys and if I do find one attractive I say they are the exceptions, and many times it's because they share features that I like in Z (racial traits are not uniform)

Avoiding mentioning races here so I don't offend. But even if I find an X or Y attractive, I wouldn't go for them for anything serious - for reasons mentioned before; serious relationships go beyond just two.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Wow. What do you even say?
> 
> Kiss my ass *****, or do you go the classy route and ignore them?


The grandparents of my Jewish bf, disowned him. When graduation time came around, his cousin who was graduating got 500 share AT&T and he, nothing. His family were very supportive and told them around Thanksgiving that I would be joining them so they chose to stay away. HE and I broke up before I finished.

And I went out with a classmate, he was Mexican. Since I realise most people don't know what I am, I asked him if he knew I was black. HE said yes he did because a certain other classmate, who I later learned he was dating, told him I was black. I wasn't sure what to make of it but I told a couple of white friends, they immediately smalled racism.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Same, though I do have preferences.
> 
> E.G. I don't normally go for X women or Y women and prefer Z, but I'd rather a HOT X or Y over a Z that I dont find attractive. And I acknowledge there are individual HOT X or Ys, even though I find them MUCH rarer than HOT Zs, in my eyes (remember, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder)
> 
> ...


Booooo....its ok to discriminate when it comes to whom you're attracted to. I do get that people are easily offended, but you like what you like, and you shouldn't have to apologize for that. I have had lots of female friends and acquaintances that aren't into black guys. I take zero offense to that. No reason to use alphabets. This might be one the best race based threads ever started on TAM. Its certainly very honest. I am pretty much attracted to all women, except asian women. Not sure why I'm not, but its not like I can change that. Its a personal choice in my opinion, and people should never be ashamed about whom they are attracted to...or not attracted to.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Same, though I do have preferences.
> 
> E.G. I don't normally go for X women or Y women and prefer Z, but I'd rather a HOT X or Y over a Z that I dont find attractive. And I acknowledge there are individual HOT X or Ys, even though I find them MUCH rarer than HOT Zs, in my eyes (remember, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder)
> 
> ...


This reads like a logic excercise.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> The grandparents of my Jewish bf, disowned him. When graduation time came around, his cousin who was graduating got 500 share AT&T and he, nothing. His family were very supportive and told them around Thanksgiving that I would be joining them so they chose to stay away. HE and I broke up before I finished.
> 
> And I went out with a classmate, he was Mexican. Since I realise most people don't know what I am, I asked him if he knew I was black. HE said yes he did because a certain other classmate, who I later learned he was dating, told him I was black. I wasn't sure what to make of it but I told a couple of white friends, they immediately smalled racism.


As one who hails from a Jewish family I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that this may not have had anything to do with you or racism as we traditionally think of it.

They were probably of the holocaust generation. These people were literally looking at the annihilation of their people and 5000 year old culture, so many did not approve of jews with anyone who wasn't Jewish. This is especially true for jewish men with non Jewish women, because Judaism is matriarchal in the bloodline. If your mother is Jewish so are you. Father doesn't contribute blood.

One particular Jewish guy I know married a nom Jewish woman and his mother loved her but was very concerned that the children wouldn't be Jewish. The woman didn't feel that strongly so she became Jewish to make his mother happy. I was fortunate to attend their daughter's bat matizva.

Younger Jews who didn't face the holocaust generally don't feel this way. The holocaust left a lot of scars ....yet some still deny it happened.

I have personally known people who were there and have seen the numbers tattooed on their arms.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Since I won’t post a picture of our actual likeness, this is a pic that my guy and I both agree is something like “us”.

For those who know who these characters are, I’m not a horrible person and he is not wrecked by anxiety. But we both agree there is a similarity here we can both feel and see.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> RandomDude said:
> 
> 
> > Same, though I do have preferences.
> ...


Attraction is so odd but also kind of runs in groups. Though the black-Asian attraction seems to be on or off. My Japanese bff has always dated and been pursued by black dudes and now is married to one.

Her attraction has always been to mixed race white-ish/brown-ish guys or black guys. Rarely to Asian guys. Her Asian brothers have always been attracted to white girls.

I’ve always been attracted to any guy who just does it for me. White, black, brown, Asian, American native, South American, Greek, whatever. Just something about the guy attracts me. But always they are tall. I dated a 6’4” Korean dude who was so hot to me. But had he been 5’4” I wouldn’t have even noticed him.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

I really cant exclude any demographic as potential partners...

Im very demisexual... which means that i need an emotional connection to feel attracted to someone. On the flip side, it also means that i will probably be attracted to someone i feel a strong emotional connection with. Even if they are the same gender. It doesnt mean that i want to have sex with them, but it does mean that i really look forward to spending time with them. 

The last girlfriend i had that was black was also overweight and suffered psoriasis pretty bad. Those were not issues to me at all... she was working on her weight, and by the time she got homesick and went back home, her psoriasis was in just about complete remission, which had never happened before. 

I used to really want sex with my partners all the time, but nowadays, i dont really care so much. Maybe im getting old? Im only 33 though... 

Eh, it is what it is and i am what i am.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ReformedHubby said:


> Booooo....its ok to discriminate when it comes to whom you're attracted to. I do get that people are easily offended, but you like what you like, and you shouldn't have to apologize for that. I have had lots of female friends and acquaintances that aren't into black guys. I take zero offense to that. No reason to use alphabets. This might be one the best race based threads ever started on TAM. Its certainly very honest. I am pretty much attracted to all women, except asian women. Not sure why I'm not, but its not like I can change that. Its a personal choice in my opinion, and people should never be ashamed about whom they are attracted to...or not attracted to.





NextTimeAround said:


> This reads like a logic excercise.


Haha sure, but some details I'd rather not give out so openly. I tend to get carried away with the details of the whys which can be very offensive.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> As one who hails from a Jewish family I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that this may not have had anything to do with you or racism as we traditionally think of it.
> 
> They were probably of the holocaust generation. These people were literally looking at the annihilation of their people and 5000 year old culture, so many did not approve of jews with anyone who wasn't Jewish. This is especially true for jewish men with non Jewish women, because Judaism is matriarchal in the bloodline. If your mother is Jewish so are you. Father doesn't contribute blood.
> 
> ...


Brings back memories, my people share similar views after two genocides, most recent one by Stalin. We don't have the numbers nor recognition or power that Jews have however. Nowadays though I kinda just gave up on my own people and decided to live my own life and be with whoever I wish.

Collective identity isn't real freedom I'm afraid.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> As one who hails from a Jewish family I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that this may not have had anything to do with you or racism as we traditionally think of it.
> 
> They were probably of the holocaust generation. These people were literally looking at the annihilation of their people and 5000 year old culture, so many did not approve of jews with anyone who wasn't Jewish. This is especially true for jewish men with non Jewish women, because Judaism is matriarchal in the bloodline. If your mother is Jewish so are you. Father doesn't contribute blood.
> 
> ...


This is true. They were born in the Ukraine. They first disowned my bf's uncle because he was white but not Jewish. It's all so Fiddler on the Roof.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Land mine, my bad.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Since I won’t post a picture of our actual likeness, this is a pic that my guy and I both agree is something like “us”.
> 
> For those who know who these characters are, I’m not a horrible person and he is not wrecked by anxiety. But we both agree there is a similarity here we can both feel and see.


I absolutely love this show. I binge watched the whole series with my kids. That show has drawn a lot of praise for the way it portrays interracial relationships. Basically they've created a world where it doesn't matter. I am sure there are some that don't like it though for the very same reason.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Since I won’t post a picture of our actual likeness, this is a pic that my guy and I both agree is something like “us”.
> ...


Fun fact: Chidi Anagonye is an actual tribal name! 

Boyfriend has a name just as unusual and hard to say for most here in the US. So I just call him Chidi to my friends sometimes because at least they are now familiar with this name. His actual name makes them stop and do an Eleanor. “What? Say it again. No say what you said the first time. No you just changed it”. 

I introduced the show to him and he loves it. He says there are many aspects of Chidi’s life and childhood which they got correct. Though of course it is TV so it’s still a pretty bright and sunny vision compared to reality, but he was still impressed with it. 

I had seen the show already but watched it with him again and we had such a good time. 

Thankfully my Chidi is not a neurotic mess!! Also he is a bio molecular scientist, and doesn’t actually know that much about philosophy. But somehow he is a lot like Chidi anyway. Ha ha!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Where I grew, pretty much the only option. I have never been in any relationship but with another mutt (we call ourselves poi dogs). 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I absolutely love this show. I binge watched the whole series with my kids. That show has drawn a lot of praise for the way it portrays interracial relationships. Basically they've created a world where it doesn't matter. I am sure there are some that don't like it though for the very same reason.


This reminded me of a memory. When I was a kid I loved The Jeffersons. The mother of one of my brothers friends (I would hang out at their house sometimes too) turned the TV off once because that show came on. I said hey, what the heck, I love that show. She said she’s not gonna watch a show with a bunch of N’s. I was shocked and saddened. Since my mother was so anti-racist but everyone else around us in our small town was so racist it was all so confusing. I could not imagine why they were racist since there weren’t even any blacks in our town. Like, what have these people done to you, you’ve never even known one!?!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

@ReformedHubby... I love putting a face with the names.

Great to see you and your lady. She's a stunner! And I'm loving her boots!


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

heartsbeating said:


> @ReformedHubby... I love putting a face with the names.
> 
> Great to see you and your lady. She's a stunner! And I'm loving her boots!


Of course you do I don't know if I ever see catlady in flats!


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

I've had 3 serious relationships, 2 of them happened to be white, I married and divorced both. I'm mixed-race East Indian/Venezuelan caucasian but can pass for pretty much anything from Spanish, Italian, Greek or Turkish. The country I originate from has quite the mix of races/cultures and while there is colorism, a holdover from Colonial days, I actually had a harder time because of my mix. People made all sorts of assumptions about me, so I learned to like who liked me. I use to have a thing for half Chinese/anything guys, but they never liked me, I was the saddest person when Brandon Lee died. 

I love men with a good head of hair - height, race, eye color, body type (except for very overweight/obese) are unimportant. I admire the great variety of people from different races/cultures/mixes I see everywhere. I do tend to gravitate to tall, dark and handsome, though I dated a blonde dude a few months ago, very Scandanavian looking. I prefer to date Christian men and men who have compatible values/outlook, so that eliminates quite a few off the bat. 

The negative experience I had with my father has forever tainted my view of Hispanic men, so I tend not to look twice. It is what it is, I'm sure other people's preferences have been influences by their life experiences. I've also had very negative experiences with Muslim men, and to be quite frank, Islam & Christianity are like oil and water. I probably have other influences, but intimate relationships are such a personal thing, I don't think it's fair to criticize who people love or why, once people can love who they want and be left in peace.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Are you in one? Have you ever been in one? Would you consider being in one if you have never? Do you have any thoughts about them? Would you have objections (whether voiced or not) about your children being in one?


Yes. Children are very cool.

Both partners have received racist comment from both sides, both from people who are casually racist, some from blood purists, some from government agencies.

My ex-partner is New Zealand Maori, and New Zealand is becoming increasingly anti-white and apartheid-for-Maori. They get extra funding, huge amounts extra government sponsorship and support, special quotas sponsorships training programs loans on top of all the normal opportunities, police and courts have been instructed by government to give them extra leniency and lower fines and prison time to reduce the ratio of Maori in the prisons that looks bad, etc.

But the place it really shows up is I'm outsidered whenever some event is Maori orientated. Older Maori members are cool and get a giggle if I do something odd, because we all grew up as New Zealanders (Gen X or older), and they love to see others interested in their culture. But From Gen Y or younger, anyone associated with "Inclusion ideology"/Inclusion politics, academics or government or agency related, it is total hate: I am the evil white male patriarchial oppressor scum who is trying to destroy their entitlement - heaven forbid I tell my children to do anything, or treat my partner as an equal. She got bored and annoyed at explaining herself, which was part of the split, and she's always been one who sucks up and tries to get approval of authority and peers so she got quickly on the hate-train these days as well. 

(The reason why she paired with me in the first place, she saw me as the ever-wealthy white person, with the male power and "privilege", working in a cool field (programming/computers) and I was trained outside the group where we meet so I had immediate standing with the top-people. Her and everyone else could never work out how I won her over when many others in social groups couldn't make leeway with getting close to her. Only clicked to it after we separated and saw her posing with all the heads of the different organisations she is part of).


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