# Hi I Could use some help and advice.



## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Hello I am in a bad spot right now. I am in a pretty bad spot in my life. My wife recently left. She went to a doctors appointment without waking me up or even letting me know she was going. I texted her and she told me she was at the doctors and that she was in there and she had to go but was supposed to text me when she was done. I ended up getting our car and driving down to just pick her up and see how things went. The receptionist answered the door to the locked office and informed me that she had left 20 minutes ago. I then tried to contact my wife over the phone and received no replies, I called several times and at one point she answered and hung up and after that her phone was off for hours. I then tried calling again and her phone was on but still no replies or answers. After a very difficult night I ended up going out with some friends to my cousins Halloween party to try and get my mind off of things. I ended up staying at my best friends house to keep my mind off of it and to sleep of the effects of the alcohol i had consumed to try and drown all of this out (not really worth it). But my friend informed me that he had texted her early in the morning probably about 4 or 5 am. She ended up responding to him at about 8 am. She informed him that she supposedly had left to stay with a friend of hers from work named Carmen and wanted to talk to me. So I called her and she informed me that she had left because of an argument that i was not aware we were in and she was upset and that when we talk she wanted to make sure that I would be calm which was. We have been having difficulties lately but i will explain that later. But I ended up telling her that I didn't know we were even fighting and that I would rather talk to her in person than over the phone. And she informed me that her friend had run to the store and she was watching her child for her and that she would have her take her to meet me somewhere when she got back. I told her that I could come and get her. and she informed me that she was not sure of the address that it was out in the country by another town. So she said she would call me when her friend got back and told her the address and how best to get there. I had texted her again after that and she responded once. And I have not herd from her since then. It has been 2 days since she left and going on 24 hours since i have even talked to her. But not to the part that makes this difficult for me to comprehend and understand is that recently she has been talking to other men. and I have caught her sending them inappropriate pictures (nothing horribly dirty from what i could tell) but she had been deleting stuff mostly from what i did see on her phone was provocative pictures with her shirt pulled down really low and other pictures making flirty and sad faces. I confronted her on this and she told me it was nothing and then I messaged the guy she was currently talking to and he was responding as if to her. and was saying things like "I just want to take you out so that i can show you off and make everyone else jealous and ask how did i get a girl like her" And after informed that he was talking to her husband he responded with "I trust what she tells me" which i had no idea how to respond too. And these types of suspicions activities had been going on for at least a few weeks now. I had brought it up with her before and tried to work things out which seemed like they were. then things would start up again. I had asked her to please be faithful to me that I love her and I don't want to be second to anyone. And she told me that she would stop. But she also would keep talking to him "as a friend" which seems very confusing to me. But just the night before she left after talking this over, she would not say I love you too me, Saying she didn't know how she felt. We tried talking and i thought everything was ok when we got home and went to bed she held my hand the whole way home, and then the next morning is when she left for the doctors appointment and took off. I don't know if i should believe that she is with her friend or assume that she is with this other guy. She has done things like this before, ran off and had things with other guys then always came back and always gave me excuses on why she had left. And even when she is taking off and running around she is unwilling to tell me the truth.. she says she is not leaving me but takes off and will not respond. What do you think is going on? But i am also concerned for her because she just had a cystectomy and was advised not to have any kind of sex or anything but had been trying to get me to for days. And i am worried she might go out and hurt herself if she does have sex with anyone. I really hope to hear back from you, I am just so lost. I miss her and I don't know what path i should take this and how and what i should do. Should i wait for her and see if she comes back (Do you think it sounds like she will) or should i give up? I am not a perfect person ether I have plenty of problems of my own like I am currently unemployed, and i at times can be "clingy" and "never let her have any time to do things herself" which i admit i do have a problem with but not as bad as she makes it seem. And when I do give her space and everything then I'm not paying enough attention to her. I'm just so lost right now. Thank you so much for taking the time to read over this long post. and I hope maybe someone out there might have some help for me. If there is anything you don't understand or would like more information or anything please let me know and I will be happy to explain anything else in more detail if you would like. Thanks for the help.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yikes, more detail at this point would only confuse your post more. Let me see if I understand what you're writing here.

Your wife has, in the past few weeks, been engaged in flirting via text with some OM. She has also sent provocative pics. You have confronted her and her reply was that they are just friends. That your crowd her and are too needy while at the same time don't pay enough attention to her.

The other day she left and has only been sporadically communicating with you, being evasive, and you suspect she may not be where she claims to be.

You are confused about what exactly the issue is.

Is that right so far?


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Yes that is basically what is going on. I apologize for the confusing post just got so much going on in my head right now it's hard to think straight. I know she has been talking to this guy, and I'm fairly sure from past experiences similar to this one that she could be lying about where she really is. And confused if she is leaving why wont she just tell me the truth.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hopingforhope said:


> Yes that is basically what is going on. I apologize for the confusing post just got so much going on in my head right now it's hard to think straight. I know she has been talking to this guy, and I'm fairly sure from past experiences similar to this one that she could be lying about where she really is. And confused if she is leaving why wont she just tell me the truth.


Who knows?

Does it really matter?

Your wife has walked out, you would have to be a complete fool to believe she is not with some OM. She has snowed you several times and you have believed her because that is what you want to do. You want to believe she isn't having an affair and you want to believe that your relationship will get better if she would just come home and talk to you.

It won't get better until you make yourself stronger. Each time she has strayed, you bought her story, she lost respect for you.

You want better, send her a text telling her not to come home. You want this woman to love you, better make sure she respects you. You do that by not being so gullible. 

Tell her you are done with her having affairs, then blaming you for her behavior. Tell her if she wants some OM, she should stay where she is and not come back. Tell her she isn't welcome back because she lies and she hides the truth. Then stop chasing her, stop trying to work things out with her. Walk away and see if she chases you. If she does, you have a chance. If she doesn't, you never will be able to work this out so the sooner it's over the sooner you can get on with the rest of your life.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

I kind of figured that was my best option. I don't want to lose her but I agree I don't want to be second to anyone else. Unfortunately I cannot text her as of right now. We use prepaid phone cards and hers ended today. She is supposed to work today but I do not want to do something like this in her place of work if she even goes. All of her work stuff is here and she has not yet come to get any of it. I do also have the OM phone number written down after catching them talking the first time but i don't think sending the message to him for her would be a smart decision? If that is where shes at.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Hopingforhope said:


> She has done things like this before, ran off and had things with other guys then always came back and always gave me excuses on why she had left. And even when she is taking off and running around she is unwilling to tell me the truth.. she says she is not leaving me but takes off and will not respond. What do you think is going on?


I'll tell you what's going on. She's out having sex with other men (and possibly women too), and using all kinds of excuses to hide it. She's done it before, and she's doing it now. And it doesn't sound like she is going to change. I think you have to decide one of two things:


Divorce her

Find your own outside partners and have an open marriage
I hate to put it so bluntly, but those are really your only options here. 



> _But i am also concerned for her because she just had a cystectomy and was advised not to have any kind of sex or anything but had been trying to get me to for days. And i am worried she might go out and hurt herself if she does have sex with anyone._


If it makes you feel better, maybe she is only giving/receiving oral sex, so you don't need to worry about her harming herself after her surgery.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thank you for your reply. I do not see myself as one to be a part of an open marriage so I'm stuck with option one I suppose just need to find my peace with it.But strangely enough as much as it hurts it also would make me feel better if that were the case, knowing she's not hurting herself like that.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

She is out running around with other men. If you have the OM's number, then text him that she's all his now. She'll get the message.

I know this hurts you, but she is not a decent wife to you. Let her go and take care of yourself.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Of course it hurts. 

So S*it just got real. Bag up ALL her stuff in big old trash bags... put it on the porch or something (not out by the trash.... you get in trouble for that). Get a couple of friends to come over and help you clean it all out. 

Send a simple text when it's all out there and tell her she has one week to come get all her stuff out of your yard. Then don't answer any calls or texts...period. 

It's cathartic, and sends a message that she can't just treat you like crap and that you are done.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

You think that would be the right thing to do. Not just causing myself more drama?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Bagging up her stuff sends a very very clear signal that you will never tolerate her behavior ever again. It says that if she harbors ANY hope of staying with you, SHE better get her sh!t together. It says very clearly, it is HER Sh!t that has to be straightened out. Not Our sh!t, not your sh!t, but her Sh!t 

So yes, more drama but very clear signals. Don't be a coward.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Sorry not being a coward. So much advice trying to figure out how to put it. Step one send him a message saying he can have her that i wont put up with her **** of running of with other guys all the time and her stuff will be packed up she has a week to come get it. Step two. Pack her stuff and put it out side or just pack it up in general? that sound about right?


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

And don't pack it nicely. Throw it in there. If she cared about the marriage, this wouldn't even be necessary. The goal is not just sending her a message, but showing yourself that you will tolerate disrespect, time-wasting or being treated like trash. 

I'm sorry you're going through this.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Ok I sent a message to him. Now just to get to seperating and packing all of her belongings... What advise do you have if she tries coming back for what ever reason?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Hopingforhope said:


> Thank you for your reply. I do not see myself as one to be a part of an open marriage QUOTE]
> 
> Got news for you. Your in a open marriage. She's open to some other guy and your holding the bag.
> 
> ...


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Ok thanks for the advice on the paragraphs lol.

And i would call or text her but her phone got shut off today. I sent the guy that she has been talking to, and where i believe she probably is this message.
" She is all yours. She can't treat me like this anymore running off with different guys all the time i want someone that actually wants to be here. I'll be packing her stuff up tonight, she has a week to come and get it."


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

One of your first steps should be to talk to a lawyer. Get advice on your situation before you do something that makes your position worse. Maybe infidelity can be used to reduce your support, or the time it takes to get a divorce. Maybe you'll be liable for her stuff if you put it out on the curb. Maybe she has "abandoned" her right to access to the house by leaving like she has. 

Just find out what your actual legal status is before making moves.

C


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Unfortunately I have already sent the message. 

But no I did not mean it that way I have no intentions of just throwing her stuff out on the curb. I would just pack it up and wait for her to come and get it.
She may be treating me wrong, but I will not stoop to that level. Some of her stuff is very important to her emotionally from when her mother passed away. I would never do that to anybody.

And with the lawyer that could be difficult for me at the time being as I am currently unemployed but hopefully will not be for long.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hopingforhope said:


> Unfortunately I have already sent the message.
> 
> But no I did not mean it that way I have no intentions of just throwing her stuff out on the curb. I would just pack it up and wait for her to come and get it.
> She may be treating me wrong, but I will not stoop to that level. Some of her stuff is very important to her emotionally from when her mother passed away. I would never do that to anybody.
> ...


Then start researching on the web as to your rights and responsibilities, specific to your area. And don't make threats that you're not willing to enforce. That will just weaken your position with her. You haven't really yet (from what you've said), but telling her "she's got a week to get her stuff" comes close. What happens after a week goes by and she hasn't picked it up?

Does she have family? Do you have mutual friends? 

C


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

She has family yes but she has had a falling out with her family that lives close and had a lot of problems with them. There is only one family member that she remains close to that lives any where near our area. But I unfortunately on the other hand am not close to this individual.
And no basically any mutual friends we have she has not been in contact with that I know of, and she has a habit of cutting ties with any one that may not take her side of the situation. its one of the things that makes it so difficult to communicate with her when she does this.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its about time you gave your wife a consequences for her bad behavior.

See she has been stringing you along..its called a Plan B. she goes off knowing you will always be there when either the guy or her get tired of each other. Most like the other guy gets tired of her...she sounds crazy.

So anyway she goes off, the excitement fades and goes back to you...its a cycle for her cuz she knows you are the kind of guy that will put up with it.

Heaven forbid she tell you whats really going on you would have done this along time ago. In fact I think it was just a matter of time before she would get you to a breaking point.

I think you surprised her that you lasted this long. so I believe it won't be so much drama as you think. As long as you keep her stuff safe and sound it just might be drama free for you.

I'm guess she figures you have now moved on from a safe guy she doen't have to have sex with to now a guy that will store her stuff for free.

I wish I could tell you why some poeple do this to other poeple but they do and you aren't the first guy to deal with this crap and you won't be the last. Some folks are just broken. No matter how much someone loves them they seem the need to sabotage a good thing.

Its sad your wife has the need to go out and get used by these man and when they are done they send her back to her husband.

Most likely her current boy friend is talking her into going back to husband and working on her marriage so he can get her out of his pad.

It is good that you have proven her wrong finaly..... and started emotionally protecting your self.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its time you stay strong and never show your wayward wife how weak you really are.
Never beg or cry for the marriage in front of her.

If you feel like your going to break down infront of her do what we all do and go to the garage and cry your eyes out....just don't do it in front of her.

She must see that her husband is a confident guy that can let her go. Ya I know its tough bro but chicks like confident guy...they may not like whats happening but they respect it.

I mean if you were to do what she is doing to you she would have your stuff packed up the very 1st time you pulled crap like she is pulling. and you would have to respect that.

I mean folks my not like the consequences that have to face when they do bad to other poeple but they respect the fact that a person won;t take any crap from them.

Do you see how your wife has lost the respect for as she continued to get away with adultory time and again? She has to be tell her self that either your to stupid to know what is really going on or you are to weak to do anything about it.....
Do you see how this effects her view of you and why we here are suggesting that its time to stand up for your self? Your wife may not like having her stuff all packed up but she has to respect you for it.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Take her things and put them somewhere in storage - in the garage or the attic, someplace like that. There's nothing illegal about packing someone's things and storing them in the house. The important thing is that you let her know that you are through with her antics.

I would recommend calling at least one lawyer for a free legal consult. This should clarify what you have to worry about in the short term.

Also, you could try the 180 for yourself. It will help your state of mind as you try to detach from your WW:

The Healing Heart: The 180


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thanks for your reply it was very helpful and gave me alot of insight. 
Yes she honestly does have mental problems I don't like thinking that would affect our relationship. I tried very hard to be sportive and help her with her problems. she had a troubled past which i think contributes to her horrible decisions makes like this.
And that is one part that confuses me it was never about not having sexual encounters with each other.
We did have problems at one point where I was not showing her sexual affection due to a previous problem like this but we worked through it and things were alot better in our physical relationship until this past week after her surgery, we were told by her doctor not sexual activities so I was not engaging in those with her. She did keep asking me too, but I did not want to hurt her.
But yes I honestly cannot keep doing this, I do love her but don't wan to be put through this any more. but I also don't want to see her end up on the streets because she really has no where else to go with the problems she has had with her family.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thank you alte Dame that list definitely looks like it could be helpful to me in trying to move on. And I will do my best to contact a lawyer and see what they suggest.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Hopingforhope said:


> .
> Yes she honestly does have mental problems I don't like thinking that would affect our relationship. I tried very hard to be sportive and help her with her problems. she had a troubled past which i think contributes to her horrible decisions makes like this.
> .


Mental problems and toubled past has a direct relation to how it effect one relationship with a spouse.

Child molestation has a big part in how one deal with a marriage. In this case the marriage could be perfect but the spouse goes off and sabotages this good marriage believing they aren't worthy of good things.

Spoiled brats grow up to believe they are entitled and diserve to have extra marital affairs. The ol' what they don't know won't hurt them thinking. Often believing that what ever trouble they get into that there parents will bail them out, or even their own spouse will forgive and tolorate....thinking that there will be no concequences for the waywards behavior.

child abuse and spacificly emotional abuse or a absent perent, then you got vallidation issues, were the waywards no longer gets the attention and the honeymoon stage is over and the day to day life takes over. so now that the betrayed spouse is busy with live a wayward seeks attention and validation form someone other then their own spouse.


See bro there are so many reason why your chick does the crap she does and it directly effect the marriage and there ain't a thing you can do to fix her....

She has to fix her self before she can fix a relationship.


IMHO letting her hit rock bottom might be the best thing you can do for her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think once you start educating your self it will answer a lot of questions that you will never get from your wife.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Yeah her past is probably is a huge part of our problems when I think about it that way it was pretty messed up. And your probably right hitting rock bottom might be the only option. Just hope it don't kill her if she does hit a low. She could very well revert to a very nasty lifestyle she had before we met eachother.


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## tdwal (Jul 28, 2012)

Hopingforhope said:


> Yeah her past is probably is a huge part of our problems when I think about it that way it was pretty messed up. And your probably right hitting rock bottom might be the only option. Just hope it don't kill her if she does hit a low. She could very well revert to a very nasty lifestyle she had before we met eachother.


You know it's a shame that a lot of people out here come with problems like yours and then it comes out that their partner was messed up before they met you. You need to read NNMNG, because your attraction to her was your desire to fix her and inevitably it comes apart because unless she fixes herself she will drop back to her old ways. Take a look at that book, it's free in PDF form.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

I do have another question. Not that I am planning on it happening or even really wanting it to. But if i were to meet someone else in the nearer future would it be best to consider that off limits untill I fully get myself over how I'm feeling. Or will that be a part of fully getting over where im at now?
I guess what I'm saying is I'm really not interested in looking for anyone else at all. but is it something i should be avoiding. (refering to the old fish in the sea saying).


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## tdwal (Jul 28, 2012)

Hopingforhope said:


> I do have another question. Not that I am planning on it happening or even really wanting it to. But if i were to meet someone else in the nearer future would it be best to consider that off limits untill I fully get myself over how I'm feeling. Or will that be a part of fully getting over where im at now?
> I guess what I'm saying is I'm really not interested in looking for anyone else at all. but is it something i should be avoiding. (refering to the old fish in the sea saying).


For one thing it's not fair to the other person because your using them to get over your wife. Second it just complicates things immensely.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

From were I'm sitting you haven't been able to fix her so far, what makes you think you can in the future?

There is a reason for that nasty lifestyle, and the reason goes way back even before you guys could even start dating... 

Its a shame she doesn't see the need to go get help for what ever tramautized her so long ago.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Hopingforhope said:


> I do have another question. Not that I am planning on it happening or even really wanting it to. But if i were to meet someone else in the nearer future would it be best to consider that off limits untill I fully get myself over how I'm feeling. Or will that be a part of fully getting over where im at now?
> I guess what I'm saying is I'm really not interested in looking for anyone else at all. but is it something i should be avoiding. (refering to the old fish in the sea saying).


When you meet someone you want them to see the best side of you. The emotionaly strong and healtier HFH.

You will get there but right now you have alot on your plate and need to get your life back in order, get back some of that control this toxic girl has taken from you.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Yeah I do feel like that I'm always trying to take care of her no matter what the situation is. 
I have always wanted to shield her from everything bad that could happen. And she goes out and throws herself into bad situations and messes me up inside when she does it.
She has literally told me before that she has tried to sabotage our marriage because of how messed up she feels inside, because i deserve better. 
But then thanks me for "not giving up on her because it saves her life" it tears me in half because I feel like I would do anything to help her but she walks all over me like this. And I honestly do see that if she hit rock bottom she could do something stupid and it scares me to death.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Yeah she used to get help and was on medication for it but does not take it any more.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Shame on her for emotionally blackmailing you.
What a manipulative b1tch!

Sorry bro had to call it like I saw it.
I understand you love this girl, but from looking from the outside in I think she plays you.

I mean really what do you think she is telling the other guy.

Remeber the words from that new guy...it went something like " Ibelieve evry word she says"

Dude she is telling other guy you are abusing her...I bet you anything. Think about wht that guys statement really could mean?

I bet if you put a voice activated recorder in her car you would hear a totaly different girl then what you hear when you two are alone.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Come on man...she makes these unhealthy choice cuz she wants to and she can!!!!

and then plays on your good nature to give a safe place to sleep so she can recharge aftera week end of sex drugs and booze.

Do you really think these other guys get the same story you are getting?

hell no!!!


she is telling them you control and abuse her and she wants to go have some fun so let party naked until I have to go back to my real life of work and husband bull crap.


I'm telling you bro there is a different side to her and you wouldn't like how she really thinks of you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Hopingforhope said:


> he responded with "I trust what she tells me"


Do you really think she is telling these guys that you are a great husband and saved her life?

No bro...its more along the lines of what a evil guy you are

Something tells me she will land on her feet just fine after you divorce her.

Stop being played.

You are going to see a different girl if you can get thru all her grocatile tears and all the other lies she has told you time and again.

Be prepared to see a different girl when she realizes she can no longer play you like she has.....you won't like what you see or hear when that time comes. You will see the real her for once!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Rock bottom! No one ever changed until they felt for themselves the desolation they brought upon themselves. If you keep giving her a lift raft, you prevent her from feeling the desolation she brings to her life.

I think you may be a classic codependent. You see a damsel in distress and like any good guy you want to help. But your helping her morphed from help to enable. Take away her life raft and she will eventually seek the right help.

Stay strong!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Hopingforhope said:


> Yeah she used to get help and was on medication for it but does not take it any more.


This is when you should have bailed and avoided the train wreck you are currently in.

Ya I know easier said then done
Sometimes I forget I was were you are now...3 years ago.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

I know I am seeing that I really always have and your right I let my gullible nature make my decisions for me.
But yeah I can see about how different things are on there side of the situation. And yeah I honestly see it I don't know how she can say she loves me and do this then go back to I love you again.
Im letting the old her that really did genuinly love me control to many of my oppinions on how i think she is now. I don't want to admit it but you are all right. I cant let her treat me like this any more. Its just puting me down a path i don't want to be on I just hope I can keep my strenght im getting now for if she comes crawling back and crying to me...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Oh she will come crawling back...thats a given!

But give it an hour or so and if you stick to your guns you will see how remorseful she really is when the name calling starts and comment about your man hood start to comeout as she is walking out the door wonder which guy will let her in....

The day is still young. from my experience your chick should be walking thru the door sometime after noon...all hung over and beat up "down there".... after all there was a reason the doctor told her no sex.

most likely she will expect you to give her some grief and then go to bed to sleep off the last few day of sex drugs and booze.




I am actually very concerned for you!!!

Something tells me some of these guys she slept with wouldnt mind hurting you for being a wife beater.....so prepare your self and stay calm and watch out for the ol' false domestic violence charge.

Remember cheater lie!

She will come at you with the sad story, then she will go for the ol sympathy card (which seemed to work everytime) then if you still hold your ground and she realize her stuff all packed up is serious you will get the rath of a women scorned and it won't be pretty once she sees that you are no longer the old you but the new HFH.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

You have to start figuring out what you are going to do to take care of YOU!

1. Where will you live? How long can you stay where you are without a job?
2. Gotta find a job.
3. Gotta plan how to deal with her, when she comes around....and she will. 
4. Gotta start figuring out what the rest of your life will look like. How do YOU want it to go? (Take her out of the picture.... or it will only look like it does now.) 

Start planning YOUR stuff. Get your head together. Divorce is all business.... treat it that way. 

Look online for the divorce laws in your state. I was able to find all the necessary papers online and type them up and file for myself (no kids under 18). Anyone can do this. Look up DIY divorce (in your state) and it will try to sell you various packages, but you can find the few papers that you need to file. Call the courthouse, find out what the filing fees are. Mine were $217. The only other expense was getting my ex served.... I think I paid $75. 

I know it's all moot if you have no money..... just letting you know that without kids (and I haven't seen you mention any) do-it-yourself is possible and affordable. 

ALL that we are telling you is about standing up for yourself. Worry about YOUR life. Drop her.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thanks for your reply Im sorry the reply took so long I was hanging out with my family. 
But idk she hasn't showed back up yet no contact or nothing so who knows...
I would have thought she would have come back to get her things for work but nothing yet. I guess shes still got like 6 hours before shes got to be there... maybe shes quitting who knows.
But yeah I am prepared for anything i think...
But yeah she usually comes back with some sob story about how she wasn't with anyone els just a girlfriend.... Or if she does come clean she talks about how abusive or what not they were.
So yeah who knows what the hell shes telling them...
I'm not scared of the dude she's been runing around with recently.
But the one before that might have been a different story but I think i can rule him out I dont think he would take her seriously the way he is hes quite a player around where im from kids and x wives everywhere he aint settling down with someone his kids age.
but no as much as anyone would like to react agressively thats not my way im too much of a pacifist. I would probably call my uncle down the street he works for the local police department so hopefully i should be ok.
P.S. Maybe I won't have to deal with that at all and she's seriously leaving this time.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thanks for the advice Sunny, I have looked into it my state does online efiling divorce papers.
would be under 200 dollars here and I would have to get her served.
But Yes I agree completely. I live in a smaller town and have been having trouble finding work. We had a large company that use to have its plant here that shut down and things have been kinda hard since then.
I have other options in nearby towns that I will be looking into. Only reason it has been so hard in the first place is because she and i shared a car and she was working all the time and took the car..
But I guess that's not a very good excuse part of my problem was also all of the stuff she had been putting me through I was too worried about making sure she was staying faithful.
Hopefully now everything will start to turn itself around.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

And sorry but What does HFH stand for still very new to most of this.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Once you make the decision to let her go, many other decisions that will change your life will naturally follow. She's been holding you in a dysfunctional limbo emotionally. You will start to feel liberated when you realize that you are now able to make decisions for your own well-being alone.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Hopingforhope said:


> And sorry but What does HFH stand for still very new to most of this.


Someone was creating an acronym for your screen name - Hopingforhope = HFH.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

That is what I'm having such a hard time with. Not just because I still do have feelings for her.
But I guess what I'm saying is even though I see myself more spiritual than following any specific religioun but we were married In the church For her methodist beliefs. I still take my vows that I took very seriously.
And I find my self feeling kind of upset with myself that I am breaking the one Vow I took in my life that I truly put on faith... 
And It just hurts that shes putting me in the position where breaking those vows, is what any one should do..


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

That is what I'm having such a hard time with. Not just because I still do have feelings for her.
But I guess what I'm saying is even though I see myself more spiritual than following any specific religioun but we were married In the church For her methodist beliefs. I still take my vows that I took very seriously.
And I find my self feeling kind of upset with myself that I am breaking the one Vow I took in my life that I truly put on faith... 
And It just hurts that shes putting me in the position where breaking those vows, is what any one should do..


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Oh Okay I understand that one went over my head there. Thank you Dame.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Hopingforhope said:


> You think that would be the right thing to do. Not just causing myself more drama?


Cause more drama?

A guy said you should know what's going on.
Your wife left you and then implied it wasn't safe to talk to you.
Your wife gets inappropriate texts. Remember, he felt comfortable sending that garbage, so it happened before.
Your wife disappeared for days on end.
You have no clue who she was with or what she was doing.
You were in a FIGHT that you didn't know about.

More drama? Nope. It'll be the same drama with different explanations.


Do you need the scriptures that condone divorce? The whole "no divorce" is a matter of new and old testament debate.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It sounds like you have been in a long funk and it will take time, take it day by day and keep your distance from your wife...no calls no text, no emeils.

I mean do you really need the emotional torture?

I have a sence you caught her off guard by contacting the other guy and she got the message with regard to he stuff being backed.

For some reason I think she finally sees that you get it and as sad as it is the end of the toxic marriage is near. Maybe she has been waiting a long time for this? It wouldn't surprise me if she is sitting in bed with her new guy right now telling him that you finally let her go.

Now go find a job and live life well, do not let this period of your life define you.

Its not what knocks us down that matters its how we get back up that counts.

If and when she does contact you just let her know " for your own emotional healthy you have to let her go"...

At the end of the day this is what its all about...sure she cheated and she has issues she is not addressing and sure she should have never stopped her meds, but its time to look after your own emotional health....

I mean you can go down that road and confront her about all she has done to you but will it really have any effect? You can call her all kinds of names but what will that solve?

I think you can keep it real civil and by staying calm and making it clear that you need to look out for your self and focus being a better you.

In short this is all about you from now on and what you need to do to be better. Making this about her ( which it really is) will just make her raise her defence and could cause more drama the need be.


Sory for repeating this thought over and over again, but the next time she makes contact it can be real emotional ...I just want to make sure you have the ammo to stay focused on why you have to take this life changing step.

And from were I'm sitting its a step in a healthier direction


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Hopingforhope said:


> That is what I'm having such a hard time with. Not just because I still do have feelings for her.
> But I guess what I'm saying is even though I see myself more spiritual than following any specific religioun but we were married In the church For her methodist beliefs. I still take my vows that I took very seriously.
> And I find my self feeling kind of upset with myself that I am breaking the one Vow I took in my life that I truly put on faith...
> And It just hurts that shes putting me in the position where breaking those vows, is what any one should do..


What the hell are you talking about, you didn't break the vow she did...the marriage contract became void the first time she committed adultery.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Hfh private message a moderator and have this thread moved to coping with infidelity section. Better fit there.

Since you are male i will throw some numbers at you.

She had sex with him past few days. 95 percent
She had sex with him before that 80 percent
What state are you in? Sometimes it matters.

Have you done any low level recon on her like looking at bills etc. looking for checking facebook, burner phones etc.

Btw good job going out and getting support from friends and family.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Oh no Sorry I was referring to the "more drama" as, should I just let it go and forget about her or take the risk or re instigating the fight(drama).
But yes I understand We were in a fight but I thought we were into the stage of trying to work past it, when I woke up and she had went to the doctors.
And then after that had disappeared without any contact for almost 24 hours.
then text me in the morning with a BS excuse of being scared about her medical problems and taking off with a girlfriend from work.
And said she wanted me to be calm when we talked again because of the fight that I assumed we were in the stage of putting behind us.
She had texted the friend that I was with because he said i was there, and i talked to her on the phone where she told me that she wanted to talk to me if I could do it calmly and said she would get ahold of me when I could come and get her.
And later when i got back home i got her messages that she had sent to my phone before that.
She started by telling me where she supposedly is at.
then sent me another message saying that now that she told me I should leave her alone, then got another message saying
that what they did to her at the doctors.
followed then by a message saying that she was dieing to just let her die alone. then another one saying I know you are awake so.
But after talking over another couple text messages she stopped talking all together again and I have not herd from her since.
So I'm not sure if she felt unsafe talking to me or if she was just sending those to make it look like it if she was with the other guy, but idk why she would be talking to me at all if she was with him.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thanks Guy it's going to be very hard for me to do what I need to do and not fall for my weakness to take her back thinking she will change. But I will do my best to stick with it and I really have no way to contact her anyways. But all of this is such an amazing help to me.
And I wasn't really refering to it being a part of the marriage vows we took. When I took them and said that I would always lover and would do everything I could for her through thick and thin, I Did it just as much as a vow to myself and what I believe in and I feel like she is forcing me to break a promise I made to myself and to what higher power I do believe in. And it just really upsets me that because of her horrible decisions I have to break the promises i made.
And no I'm sorry weight lifter I wasn't really sure where to put the post I will do that. But Also no I really haven't been trying to recon much because I am trying to stick to my guns that it's over.
And doing the recon and everything would just make it easier for me to fall back in.
I have thought about driving out to where she works if she does not come to get her work stuff to see if she is there, then just walk in and hand her the stuff then turn around and walk back out. but idk if she would try to stop me from leaving.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hopingforhope,

She is pushing all your emotional hot buttons. The ones you always react to. "I'm dying..., just let me die in peace..." Bet that mad you feel like you had about 30 minutes to find her. I bet your gut reaction was to try to talk her into coming home. She knows this, that's why she's saying it.

Your marriage has been null and void, in the religious sense, for a long time and you are not the one who broke that covenant. That was your cheating spouse. You have done the right thing, the kind thing and the caring thing.

But now it's time for you to take care of yourself. I strongly urge you not to respond to any more attempts from her. Turn your phone off if need be.

Think about your next steps. You need a job. Now you have the freedom to go find one.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Another really serious problem that has always bugged me but I'm not sure really how to bring it up but I'll just say it.
With the way things seem I honestly wander if she doesn't have some kind of a sexual addiction/mental issues, due to some of the troubles of her past, and the way that with the times that I have caught her cheating the other guys honestly seem to mean absolutely nothing to her.
Like when she comes back to me she just kicks them to the curb as easily as she is me right now...


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Pink thank you. That is exactly what she is doing and she knows it makes it so hard for me to even think streight. Yes I wanted to jump in the car and run off to try and find her but I did not and I'm hoping the strenght that helped me to do that will stick with me in the future. But also with the last post I put my own family members have even said that the get the since that she is flirting with them and they think that she is even doing it sub consciously and doesn't even realize it just from the way that it's done. Just apart of wondering if by some slim chance it could be some sort of mental/sexual issue causing her to make some of the decisions she has made in the past.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I find your situation heartbreaking. You two are a mismatch, that is for sure & you have loved her in spite of herself. This is sad.

As far as the promises you made to yourself, I always tell my students to stay away from all-or-nothing responses to questions of morality and ethics. There are always caveats and counterexamples. Always. You could make your promise to yourself & even your promise to her, but you can't control how she lives her life, so your promise is broken, but not really by you.

With someone like your WW, you may just have to allow her to sabotage your relationship so that she can live the lower-class life that she thinks she deserves. It that's where her comfort level is, then you can't remedy that.

I hope you will look ahead for yourself, to do something positive for your own future.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

I agree It almost makes me dislike myself for being the way I am because it only leads me to get hurt. I know I can't trust her at least not now or anytime in the near future but me being me hopes that she will at some point find peace in herself and put herself on the right path, and that maybe in the future there could be something there.
But I guess I can see that's just my hesitation too just give up all together on the prospect of my feelings for her I just hope time makes it easier and eases me out of this feeling. and shows me that maybe it was a complete mistake on my part thinking that in the end she would always be my soul mate no matter how much it hurts. But yes I completely agree that I need to worry about me. Whether she was a part of my life or not that is something I have always wanted for myself just kind of a bummer.
And I really don't even honestly see the time of our marriage as a waste, It really is sad because I'm so worthlessly in love with that woman that I would have done anything for her.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Hopingforhope said:


> I understand We were in a fight but I thought we were into the stage of trying to work past it, when I woke up and she had went to the doctors.
> And then after that had disappeared without any contact for almost 24 hours.
> then text me in the morning with a BS excuse of being scared about her medical problems and taking off with a girlfriend from work.
> And said she wanted me to be calm when we talked again because of the fight that I assumed we were in the stage of putting behind us.
> ...


Doesn't matter. 

It makes YOU look abusive.
It makes you appear controlling.
It set you up to be the bad guy.

Think about it this way.

You have multiple texts, show up unannounced at the doctor, she implies you are abusive and then disappears. I'd be talking to a lawyer YESTERDAY to get my bases covered.

This looks terrible for you. Bury those feelings and move on. No, I don't know both sides of the story, but her reaction is ridiculous.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Oh I am not saying that i should not contact a lawyer or anything and I can see how I look controlling, but if you are referring to physical abuse then there is a big misunderstanding in my posts. And I hope my whole situation doesn't make me look like the bad guy. and i hope she would at least be civil enough not to do something to me like that. I mean she has been more abusive than i ever was in this relation ship and I don't want to hold anything like that against her or is that just because I am how i am?
I mean I don't even want this whole situation to be an unpleasant one. I just want to find closure whether its with her or not. I just want to be happy again.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Man that really kinda brought me back down thinking now not only that she's throwing away our marriage and running off with another man but maybe even trying to turn me into the bad guy over the whole thing that really is a bummer .


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hopingforhope said:


> Pink thank you. That is exactly what she is doing and she knows it makes it so hard for me to even think streight. Yes I wanted to jump in the car and run off to try and find her but I did not and I'm hoping the strenght that helped me to do that will stick with me in the future. But also with the last post I put my own family members have even said that the get the since that she is flirting with them and they think that she is even doing it sub consciously and doesn't even realize it just from the way that it's done. Just apart of wondering if by some slim chance it could be some sort of mental/sexual issue causing her to make some of the decisions she has made in the past.


It sounds like you might be confusing two very different things.

Understanding her behavior simply means you know why she acts like she does.

Excusing her behavior means the same rules that apply to you, to me, and to every other regular person do not apply to her....because of her past.

It's real important right now that you deeply understand the difference.

If a child takes a toy from a store, we adults can UNDERSTAND that the child might not know better. But also as adults, we understand that not knowing better doesn't excuse the child from the consequences of stealing.

Having a mental illness or a troubling past might help understanding why she does it, but it will never excuse her from the consequences. Also, she is an adult who apparently has a long history of sexually acting out. Most people by now would have learned better control. This is not something you can teach her. We learn self control when we force ourselves to learn it because we don't like the consequences of being out of control.

Look, you seem like a good guy. A guy who could make a lot of women very happy. Women who would be thrilled to have such a steadfast man on their side. Your wife is not one of them and likely never will be.

Stay strong and stay the path you are on. You're doing great!


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thanks again pink that does put things in a better perspective for me.
I don't think that makes what she is doing and did okay by any means. Just wondering because some times the stuff she did seemed to really bug her and other times it was like she had no feelings at all about them.
But yes, I do believe your right there that most people by now should have learned better control. and that I would be better off trying to move forward with my life. Just need to keep telling myself to be strong, that everything will be Okay for me in the end .
And that I have to let her worry about herself.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thanks again pink that does put things in a better perspective for me.
I don't think that makes what she is doing and did okay by any means. Just wondering because some times the stuff she did seemed to really bug her and other times it was like she had no feelings at all about them.
But yes, I do believe your right there that most people by now should have learned better control. and that I would be better off trying to move forward with my life. Just need to keep telling myself to be strong, that everything will be Okay for me in the end .
And that I have to let her worry about herself.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

I'm glad I have all of everybody's help here to try and get through this. Just hope I can keep this strength with the hard times I'm sure is coming.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You should send a private message to one of the moderators asking them to move this thread in the Coping with Infidelity section, they are VERY active there and right now what you need is constant support.

It may take them a day or so. The other alternative is to create another post in that section asking for support and encouragement.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you read NMMNG?


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Yep I did that earlier. And now just waiting for the transfer. Just ready to start trying to move forward in the right direction I think.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

No I don't think I have read that, I read the healing heart 180. and starting reading something called just let them go. I really do find reading them helpful. kind of gives me an escape from how I'm feeling while helping me understand everything.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

No More Mr Nice Guy will help you more.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Okay . Where would I find it?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Uh, book stores? Amazon? Google?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm curious, who's name is the car under, you or your wife?

Is it registered in both names?


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Hello I appologize for the wait i hope someone is still online. The car is not under her name and she does not currently have a license.
But I took off for a while, My grandmother lives with me and while We were sitting here she saw someone peaking in the back screen door windows and took of as soon as we saw them. I went out must have scared them away. Went out and checked around walked down the block and saw a car taking off from the block behind our house where the person most likely ran to. The car sped down the block and around the corner out to the side of town towards her work. The car looked very familiar to a car that is one of her co workers, not sure which one but possibly the guy she is with.
My grandmother also informed me that she thought someone what sneaking around the back yard the night before while i was gone but have been locking the doors and she does not have a key.
And I apologize for having contact with her but my brother drove me out to her work the car was not there but would have had plenty of time to leave. I walked in did not say a single word the entire time i was in there. I rang the bell since she was in the back room, She works at a subway. But what I her officially confirms what all of you have been saying, she was not off getting her space because of worries about the doctors or anything like that.
I over herd her talking loudly with someone out in the back room laughing i could not understand most of what she was saying but before she came out to answer the bell I clearly herd her say to this other person that "it's been the best two days of her life". I am officially done.
I am ready for starting the divorce procedures, she put and end too all of the doubt that I had about what was going on. I will be contacting my states legal aid department to see if I could possibly be eligible for free legal help that my state offers to low income citizens.
I will probably need a lot of support for the next steps to come to keep my mind on the right track and not wander back to the wrong path.
Right now I am running off of the anger of being lied to but I know i cannot run on only anger, and it is also not healthy to rely on only anger in these situations.
And even her running off on me and cheating on me it does not make me angry. It just makes me feel sick and disgusted, that she would run off and do these things and pretend to still love me at the same time.
Thank you all so much for being here for me, I hope that I will be able to learn as much as I can from all of this to be able to help other people down the road that might need the same help as me.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Man I am having a really rough morning. Completely the opposite of last night feeling very sad right now like I have no where to go.
Wish this part could be easier.
Any idea why I have such a hard time seeing what is so horrible for me and just realizing I need to get away from it?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Things are happening quickly for you and it's hard to take in.

Try to get some legal advice as soon as you can. If you are actively trying to help yourself, it should help the feelings you are having. Try to follow the 180.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Of course you have someplace to go. You have the entire WORLD to go to, if you so choose. Move to Fiji and become a swim instructor. Go back to college and become an archeologist. Start a band. Do SOMETHING that doesn't revolve around scrambling to make a woman CHOOSE you, to show your worth.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

I am I am planning to talk to a lawyer today if i get the opportunity.
Just having a rough morning after what happened last night.
I didn't want to admit to myself what was going on. And the anger that I was feeling last night that was helping me to push myself to do the right thing is almost completely worn away now.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thanks for the advice I would love to just take off and start over, or go back to school. It's kind of funny what you said, when I was little I always wanted to be an archeologist.
But the problem I see in my head is that if I just try to run away, I will never face what I need to. But I feel like I'm getting weaker. On my resolve.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

I am Also kind of confused because, from what I have seen my State has the self representing divorce. That's what forums they pointed me to on our Eforum government site.


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## tdwal (Jul 28, 2012)

Ok, try to remember that this is not your fault, you did nothing to cause her behavior, you can't fix her either, only she can do that. Considering the number of times she has done this to you its not looking like she is willing to fix it. Secondly she has been taking advantage of you, and the comment you heard proves that. Sounds like you are pretty codependent on her and you will experience ups and downs like your going through now. Talk to the lawyer to protect yourself, that is what is most important. She is not what you thought you married. I am so sorry you are going through this.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

I do believe that it is not my fault, But yes from everything I have been told and experienced on here I honestly do belive i am a codependant. And I Don't want to be any more.
But I don't know how to rewrite who I am. I am sure that it is going to be hard and It will take me along time to do this.
But I don't want this to happen to me in the future. Is being a codependant bad in all situations or will I have to find a way to change that part of me?


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## tdwal (Jul 28, 2012)

Hopingforhope said:


> I do believe that it is not my fault, But yes from everything I have been told and experienced on here I honestly do belive i am a codependant. And I Don't want to be any more.
> But I don't know how to rewrite who I am. I am sure that it is going to be hard and It will take me along time to do this.
> But I don't want this to happen to me in the future. Is being a codependant bad in all situations or will I have to find a way to change that part of me?


Codependent is bad. Both Turnera and I both recommended the book NMMNG. It describes a form of codependency that a lot of men have, myself included. It will be eye opening I believe for you and it gives you some practical ways to stop it. I will pm you where to get it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Hopingforhope said:


> Thanks for the advice I would love to just take off and start over, or go back to school. It's kind of funny what you said, when I was little I always wanted to be an archeologist.
> But the problem I see in my head is that if I just try to run away, I will never face what I need to. But I feel like I'm getting weaker. On my resolve.


Bullhockey. If you go DO what makes you HAPPY, those issues will resolve themselves. If you're not doing what you love, to save a relationship, what does that make the relationship? A band-aid. Focus on YOU.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thank you tdwal I could really use the help. I hate being how I am. And I would love to find out how to stop that part of me. And thank you Turnera that does make sense when you put it that way. Your right as much as I love her the relationship has become just that for me.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So she comes out and says "welcome to subway" and you say???????



Were was the car if she didn't have it? The POS has it!!!!! GET THAT PHUCKEN CAR BACK!!! Einstein


And why haven't you called Subway Corp., and complain for not being greeted per their SOP? Dude while you were walking in the door she should have made her greeting and while you look over the menu the sandwich tech. should be putting on her cloves?

Please PM and give me the store #

She have a track record to "play" with coworkers, I'm sure the Franchise Owner would like to know what kind of employee's they have watching the store.

Again lossing her job is just another consequence for bad behavior.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Oh I didn't say a word I gave her, her name tag and she Looked at me all hostile and said "thanks.... BYE!!!.
And no it is not my car, It was one that took off down the block behind ours after i scared them off from my back yard. It was a black 4 door car looked newer. 
But she texted me today to bring her some stuff and that she wanted to talk that she was driving to town i took her the stuff and funny enough that she she shows up in a newer black 4 door car... but she was never even in town. Seems pretty convenient to me. We talked and I hope It wasn't the wrong thing but I played it like my usal self she would expect to try and find out who owns the car incase it happens again i can call the police and tell them who it was because I saw 2 people in it when it was taking off the the other night.
But She gave me a whole long story about a bunch of different crap that just sounded completely crazy to me like the lady shes supposedly staying with's son is selling her that car for 5 grand 
she got a promotion and is paying for rent there and paid two months on that car because she got a promotion and there sending her away to another state to be put through school for culinary arts and probably moving away in a month for the position
. But i played it off like usual and am trying to decide when to tell her that i really dont have any plans on coming back.
and yes i never even thought about that but idk i dont wan't to do anything that can get me into trouble. but she actoually works for a pilot flying J the subway is just the resteraunt in that particular truck stop.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

HFH
*Focus ONLY on getting the divorce and building yourself up*. Use your pain to motivate you to improve yourself. Suffering the pain, getting the legal stuff over with, and BUILDING yourself up is the very best plan. If you let yourself get derailed with other issues and especially anything that involves your wife that will be a huge stumbling block for you.

You are facing what many people face and it is very hard but millions have got through it and so can you. Diligently seek all the help you can get and remember this. The pain will go away and the legal stuff will be over in a year or two.* Your co-dependant and other weaknesses will be with you forever if you do not improve them.* The chances of a codependent with weaknesses having a long term successful relationship are very poor, like slim to none.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Thank you for your post. I am trying my hardest, and I agree with the way that I am things are VERY hard.
And I am trying my hardest to find the support that I need around me and keep moving forward with my plan but I guess it's just really hard because I had never dated or anything before meeting her, and we were married young. 
And I am just running off of the fuel everyone else has given me I myself just feel completely drained and empty inside.
And I do understand I do need to work on me and improve myself if I cannot fix my faults how can i expect anyone to want to have any kind of a relation ship with me.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Hoping, you don't NEED to have another human being in your life as a partner. Until you understand that, and WORK on being ok with that, you are doomed to misery, as you are basing YOUR happiness on whether some other person will choose you.

Stop it. Start learning to like yourself and be content with yourself. That's a lot of work just by itself. THEN, and ONLY then, look around and consider what you want in a partner, if at all.


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## Hopingforhope (Nov 3, 2013)

Okay, thank you. So much to do.
But I will Work on my problems and try to move forward and turn my life into what i think i would like it to be.


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