# Help and advice please



## downandout71 (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi,

I just found out my husband of 5 years has a secret email address where he has been messaging woman on craiglist. I found out lsat night and am in complete shock. We have a 1 year old son together and I thought everything was good with us. On these posts, he is asking to meet women to hang out, do drugs with. He claims not to have had relations with any of these people but even if he is telling the truth on that part I don't think I can ever move past this. He says he hasn't been a good husband or father and wants a chance to try and repair the damage. I don't think even for my son's sake I can ever move past this. I am going to see someone to talk this week as I have asked him to move out and give me some space. What does anyone out there think? To me this seems like a crazy lifetime movie, except it is my life? Help please


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## lady1 (Jan 31, 2012)

Secret email accounts where he is seeking women to do drugs with?!?! That is awful. I would have a very hard time trusting my husband after finding something like that - I'm not sure if I ever could. Does he have a history with drug use? Did he tell you why he was seeking out strangers? 

If you choose to try to work things out, I think separate and couples counseling would probably be helpful. And some time apart would probably help, so you can think and he can reflect on just how seriously messed up his actions were. Setting some rules about computer use would be good too - with parental-style controls on his computer. But you don't want to have to turn into a detective / parole officer in your own home! 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope it all works out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I would not believe for a minute that there was no sex involved. What he's doing is very dangerous because of STD's. You should get checked for STDs. If you take him back, have him get checked before he returns home.


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## SimonLLL (Jan 29, 2012)

Whoa - drugs? Other Women?

That's a dark place.

You have taken the right initial action. Space to think and breathe is paramount.

If you open up a dialogue again then his complete honesty is required. 

lady1 is right on about the counselling. Do this as a first resort, not a last resort. If he arcs up about counselling then there is a deeper problem with drugs.

I have been around people with these problems and honesty is not their strong point. Nor is keeping to agreements.

You will have to be fairly brutal in your expectations and following through. I don't mean nasty - just firm.

But, yes - get help.


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## applelemon (Jan 17, 2012)

I'm sorry I stopped reading past "to do drugs with"

Has he always been using drugs before? This may not be something you can handle as a "typical" infidelity case. I'm not sure where to start but I think you should first figure out how bad his drug usage is. 
...sometimes those kinds of activities you described can be brought on by the usage of drugs. But then, having sex with strange women on craigslist can bring on drugs... Do you know about his drug history at all?


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