# She wants to come back "on a trial basis". Um, no.



## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home on a "one-month trial basis." Meaning she's home, but keep in contact with OM. Ha! She wants to test the water and see if we can recapture what we once had. I kindly explained never before in our marriage did we have a third person, nor will we in the future, so any such "trial" won't accurately represent what our marriage can be. Monogamy or bust. And really, marriage is always a trial - you're free to leave anytime you want.

You know, this whole experience has been littered with artificial deadlines...first she was going to be separated for a month, then another month, then December 1, then February 1. I've stopped giving them any weight months ago, and am moving on. If she wants to come back, she can follow me. Anyone else's spouse keep tossing out such "deadlines"? "Okay, I'm gonna decide by January - no, Valentine's Day - no, the next lunar eclipse..."


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

File divorce. Total Plan B'ing you.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Already did.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

She would try that after already being filed on? Wow, there are no words that can speak to the mindframe of a WS.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

She wants to come home on a "one month trial"? That is adding insult to injury. If it were me, I'd say **** no! If she really wants to work it out, i think she would want to try really hard. It takes longer then a month to work these things out. I filed for D after 4 weeks. We as BS deserve more then their BS half azz attempts. IMO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> You know, this whole experience has been littered with artificial deadlines...first she was going to be separated for a month, then another month, then December 1, then February 1. I've stopped giving them any weight months ago, and am moving on. If she wants to come back, she can follow me. Anyone else's spouse keep tossing out such "deadlines"? "Okay, I'm gonna decide by January - no, Valentine's Day - no, the next lunar eclipse..."


As I have mentioned before... I was an AP, nit a BS. That being said I can think of 4 different deadlines that I gave throughout the A, which lasted about a year. 

If you want an honest perspective... she is waiting for him to make a move, the magic to wear off, some sort of sign that shows her to wake the heck up. She knows what she is giving up with you - she doesn't know what she would be giving up with him. She wants a sign... Problem is, that sign only happens when someone makes a conscious choice to move on a decision, and I don't think she will do that until either you or her OM make her.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

I filed yesterday but she doesn't know, still needs to be served.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Pepper123 said:


> As I have mentioned before... I was an AP, nit a BS. That being said I can think of 4 different deadlines that I gave throughout the A, which lasted about a year.
> 
> If you want an honest perspective... she is waiting for him to make a move, the magic to wear off, some sort of sign that shows her to wake the heck up. She knows what she is giving up with you - she doesn't know what she would be giving up with him. She wants a sign... Problem is, that sign only happens when someone makes a conscious choice to move on a decision, and I don't think she will do that until either you or her OM make her.


Much appreciated perspective. I'm sending her an email in the morning stating that I filed. Hopefully that'll knock her off the teeter-totter.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Also, she says the trial basis would be a good idea because it would give the OM a month to get used to the idea of not having her in his life. Wow, I wish you'd extended me the same courtesy when you announced you were having an affair and moved out the same night!


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

How did she take it when you told her no?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Summer4744 said:


> How did she take it when you told her no?





NotDoneYet said:


> I kindly explained never before in our marriage did we have a third person, nor will we in the future, so any such "trial" won't accurately represent what our marriage can be. Monogamy or bust.


That isn't exactly a 'no'...


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home


Last time she did this she lasted an hour. Called you at work to bring her and her stuff home from other man's house. You leave work and do it. She stays back in your house for one hour. ONE HOUR. Before she takes all her stuff and goes back to other man.

Many try to work it out for the sake of the kids. You have none.

What your wife has done to you over the past six months is very cruel. Why would you want to be with her?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Also, she says the trial basis would be a good idea because it would give the OM a month to get used to the idea of not having her in his life. Wow, I wish you'd extended me the same courtesy when you announced you were having an affair and moved out the same night!


And she said this with a straight face?

Incredible that she would think that you would even consider that idea.

By that line of non-thought she must think that she's calling the shots and that you're waiting at home for her to come back.

The filing of D should be a shock to her system. Good for you.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I'm sorry NDY... while I certainly respect your desire to work this out, I really think you deserve better. That being said, I hope things are able to be resolved as bet as possible for you. Sounds like you are due some happiness.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

NotDoneYet said:


> My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home on a "one-month trial basis." Meaning she's home, but keep in contact with OM.


 Wow, the fact hat she could even say this to you shows that she has no remorse and no respect for you or your marriage. 

Your monogamy or bust answer was weak in that it told her that you would still take her back if only she would give up the other man. To a cheater this means that she gets to cheat without risk of losing you as long as she comes back. You have no kids, you need move on in your mind and not be willing to take her back. Maybe if she completely changes and shows true remorse you might want to think about if if she beg you long enough. Otherwise you need to know that there is someone out there for you that is will really love you, want to make you happy, and thank God everyday for having found you. You do not have to settle for this selfish person that would even think that such an offer was a good idea. When my brother finally had enough, he could not believe how quickly he found such a wonderful person and deeply regrets that he hung on to his old marraige for so long.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

She must really think she is a gift to anyone.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home on a "one-month trial basis." Meaning she's home, but keep in contact with OM. Ha! She wants to test the water and see if we can recapture what we once had. I kindly explained never before in our marriage did we have a third person, nor will we in the future, so any such "trial" won't accurately represent what our marriage can be. Monogamy or bust. And really, marriage is always a trial - you're free to leave anytime you want.
> 
> You know, this whole experience has been littered with artificial deadlines...first she was going to be separated for a month, then another month, then December 1, then February 1. I've stopped giving them any weight months ago, and am moving on. If she wants to come back, she can follow me. Anyone else's spouse keep tossing out such "deadlines"? "Okay, I'm gonna decide by January - no, Valentine's Day - no, the next lunar eclipse..."


Considering what it has taken for you to get to this point just put your head down and keep moving forward with the divorce. Do not consider her for a second longer, you will wind up back at square one if you do. You will continue to deal with the OM and their affair if you take her back. Besides, she has shown you that she cannot be trusted and that she cannot make you a priority. Ignore her words and believe her actions.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Here's a better "One Month Trial":

You go complete No Contact with her for one month. No contact whatsoever!

You need to break your addiction to her.

Go get a massage(s) by a woman massage therapist, so you can experience another woman's touch. A genuine massage, not a prostitute. 

Start focusing on you...the "you" you used to be before you married her.

Time to start changing your brain chemistry.

Tell her that, starting today, you are beginning your 1 month trial without her in your life.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Sounds like all is not well in her little "Fantasy Land" with the posOM ! Sure gets different when you have to live a REAL life with another person on a daily basis ! Good for you to D her sorry butt and move on with your life.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

The ego and delusions of a WS continue to astound.

Seeing the OM during the trial? And she thinks that's an option? 

Did she send you a gold embossed note saying "Congratulations, I have selected you for my beauty contest. Good luck!"

You should tell her that during the "trial" separation she was competing against herself and she lost.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"Sorry, the trial is already over. You were found to be unsuitable. Bye!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Also, she says the trial basis would be a good idea because it would give the OM a month to get used to the idea of not having her in his life. Wow, I wish you'd extended me the same courtesy when you announced you were having an affair and moved out the same night!


NDY,

First off, good moves on your part.

I think she's playing you and the OM off against each other here. She's probably trying to get him to commit to something and is holding you over his head!

What a manipulative b!tch!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

I hate cheaters, but in your case I love your wife, her knowledge about your ability and inability. She knows Ato Z of you. what you are capable off and not capable.

She knows you are are a gamma male who is incapable to set boundaries and set your foot firm. so she went to OM directly throwing on your face that she is banging someone and dont need you anymore. Then she know what you will do (you did nothing).

She now have the nerve to ask you about sharing your wife with OM, she humiliated your man hood, self respect in the worst way possible. and you told her she can come back. To What kind of men a wife ask this question of coming back to home for a trial?

You filed yesterday. The way you said here and the way you want to inform her shows us that you did something hilarious, In my opinion any man with self respect may have filed on the day she went to OM or the day she went back to Om after you picking her back. 

but I agree with one thing the news of your filing will be a surprise for her do you know why? not because she is scared of loosing you or loosing your love but she will be shocked to see a pair again starting to grow in between your legs.

Dont allow anyone to humiliate you like your WW is doing now, you are a man and deserve a women not a CU*T.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Find a chick who loves you, care for you, and respect you. Dont make the mistake of choosing these kind of ladies other than for a free bang.


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## Foghorn (Sep 10, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Also, she says the trial basis *would be a good idea because it would give the OM a month to get used to the idea of not having her in his life*. Wow, I wish you'd extended me the same courtesy when you announced you were having an affair and moved out the same night!


Wow.

She's not even plan-B-ing you, she's using you to manipulate OM. This means she's getting a tad bit worried about how things are going with OM.

Definately a big fat NO and it will be fun to sit back and watch as the OM's and her "relationship" crumbles...

Change the locks and make some popcorn.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

She wants to weigh the reality of your marriage against the fantasy of her lover for a month. It's not even going to be close. You lose. 

You told her right. Now, her fantasy is becoming her reality. Something she's trying to avoid by coming to you.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home on a "one-month trial basis." Meaning she's home, but keep in contact with OM. Ha! She wants to test the water and see if we can recapture what we once had. I kindly explained never before in our marriage did we have a third person, nor will we in the future, so any such "trial" won't accurately represent what our marriage can be.


I don't think I've ever heard of a WW asking for that one, before. What you should have said: "Sure, you can move in on a trial basis, but the trial is to see if you can get along very, very, very well with my new live-in girlfriends."


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Also, she says the trial basis would be a good idea because it would *give the OM a month to get used to the idea of not having her in his life.* Wow, I wish you'd extended me the same courtesy when you announced you were having an affair and moved out the same night!


Like you're going to let her move in to help her push him to commit to her. Effin' amazin'.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Wow! If my wife suggested such a thing, I would lose total respect for her. If I was waiting for her to come back, the wait would be over!

Did she offer to at least douche before you got the sloppy seconds?

Congratulations on filing!


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Foghorn said:


> Wow.
> 
> She's not even plan-B-ing you, she's using you to manipulate OM. This means she's getting a tad bit worried about how things are going with OM.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I would bet that now that the OM has her he's wondering why he wanted her in the first place. Don't be the tool she uses to make her lover jealous.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home on a "one-month trial basis." Meaning she's home, but keep in contact with OM. Ha! She wants to test the water and see if we can recapture what we once had. I kindly explained never before in our marriage did we have a third person, nor will we in the future, so any such "trial" won't accurately represent what our marriage can be. Monogamy or bust. And really, marriage is always a trial - you're free to leave anytime you want.
> 
> You know, this whole experience has been littered with artificial deadlines...first she was going to be separated for a month, then another month, then December 1, then February 1. I've stopped giving them any weight months ago, and am moving on. If she wants to come back, she can follow me. Anyone else's spouse keep tossing out such "deadlines"? "Okay, I'm gonna decide by January - no, Valentine's Day - no, the next lunar eclipse..."


This is nothing more then a WW wanting to keep her BH hanging on as her back up plan. There is no real offer to recover the marriage.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

NotDoneYet said:


> Much appreciated perspective. I'm sending her an email in the morning stating that I filed.


 *Do not warn her before she is served. *Doing so will could make serving her very expensive for you if she knows and avoids the server.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Much appreciated perspective. I'm sending her an email in the morning stating that I filed. Hopefully that'll knock her off the teeter-totter.


I agree with you filing but you are better off letting her get served without warning.

Let WW enjoy the full impact when she is served.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Her warning was she moved in with OM. There's absolutely no reason you should be contacting her for anything.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Wow...just goes to show another example of how high risk these relationships that start out as affairs. 3% chance of working out...must feel like sweet revenge that she wants to come crawling back.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

GPS. Golden p syndrome. 

You need a girlfriend. Like, yesterday.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

lol sounds like moving in with om isn't all what she expected it to be.


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

Wow, she got nuts to ask for something like that. 

Mine left, but for other reasons.. the minute she found out I was seeing someone she wanted back in. 

If she would have moved in with someone else, there is no way I would even considered R.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home on a "one-month trial basis."
> 
> 
> > Damn your WW has some big balls. Reminds me a little of my first wife. About two months after we split up because she was sleeping with one of the dad's of the daycare kids she was watching she calls me and says "I've started going back to church and as a christian woman, it is my duty to give you another chance".
> ...


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

wow the cr*p some people come out with.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Tell her cut her head off on a trial basis. 
If it doesnt work out she can change her mind.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Maybe you do "something" better than he does and she misses it. Maybe his d!ck ain't all that.

Not helpful, I know.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

It's a shame you didn' tape that generous "offer".
I wonder why in the hell you plan to email her about the filing.
I'd wait for her to send her condescendent, angry email after being served only to forward OM the taped conversation.
WW is entitlement incarnate.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Acabado said:


> It's a shame you didn' tape that generous "offer".
> I wonder why in the hell you plan to email her about the filing.
> I'd wait for her to send her condescendent, angry email after being served only to forward OM the taped conversation.
> WW is entitlement incarnate.


Acabado, evil genius.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Good grief - don't just file, carry through. Cut and RUN.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Paulination said:


> [About two months after we split up because she was sleeping with one of the dad's of the daycare kids she was watching she calls me and says "I've started going back to church and as a christian woman, it is my duty to give you another chance"..


God help us. In the meantime, you helped yourself by divorcing her. Two thumbs up!


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

This once again, both the OP and the follow on experiences, really demonstrates that WWs just don't see their husbands as having any SMV whatsoever. They seem to think the BH is completely incapable of getting laid outside of whatever mercy sex they feel like providing.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Amazing.

This reminds me of the mother of a HS friend of mine, who 'vetted' her second husband by sleeping one night with him, the AP at the time, and then the next night with her H. She alternated this way for several weeks before she 'rendered her decision.'

(I was surprised when I told my mother about this. I thought she would be scandalized. Instead, she said something like, "What kind of idiot men are they? They both should have dumped her and never looked back.")


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Having thought about it I believe the best response is along the lines of....

Please don't rush into anything like a trial return. You should stay with him, you deserve to give it a shot be see if he s as big a loser a he appears. As for me, I'm enjoying my freedom and things are looking better everyday.

Then smile and leave her.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

She has so little respect for you and actually even the OM. The problem is you feed this. How can you let yourself be treated like this.

Start working on you and move on. Trust me, you will do better. Change from notdoneyet to overdone. Do not let yourself be treated like this anymore.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Amazing.
> 
> This reminds me of the mother of a HS friend of mine, who 'vetted' her second husband by sleeping one night with him, the AP at the time, and then the next night with her H. She alternated this way for several weeks before she 'rendered her decision.'
> 
> (I was surprised when I told my mother about this. I thought she would be scandalized. Instead, she said something like, "What kind of idiot men are they? They both should have dumped her and never looked back.")


Please don't tell me they KNEW!


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

Man if I were you here's what I would do:

1. You need to get angry...I sense that you are hurting and mad, but I am talking ANGRY...this woman has zero respect for you brother, and that should p!$$ you off. 

2. Someone earlier said you should go get a massage. Hell no. You need to go and do man stuff.. Go shoot guns, break stuff, chop down trees, hit the gym, whatever it is that gets the testosterone flowing and reminds you what its like to be a man. Then when she comes at you with this crap, you can laugh in her face and you have the stones to be the cold hearted @$$ hole to her that she deserves....

3. Join the gym. That help me out so much. When you look in the mirror and like what you see, its a lot easier to deal with crap. Plus the high you get after working out is cheap, legal, healthy and the only side affect is an increase of women coming your way....

4. You don't have to do this, but I would. But I am also a jerk sometimes. Go to the bar, find hot women and get pictures with them. Nothing bad or that can get you in trouble in court, just you hanging out with hotties. Put them on FB. That will drive her nuts. Trust me, there are lots of women who will take pictures with you.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

I think the divorce papers will let her know you "fired" her.

Do not waste another breath, text or call on this little girl.

Go find a real woman who love you and only you.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

May of last year my exwife gave me a deadline of 9/1/12 to make up her mind between me and POSOM. I foolishly agreed. A week before 9/1/12 I find out she and POSOM are getting a place together. Next day, I called the lawyer and filed. Lesson learned the hard way. Now she's making overtures about returning. Too late.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Seems she needs to stay at Church a whole lot longer.


Best of luck with your new life. How exciting 


I wish you love and peace


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

NotDoneYet said:


> I filed yesterday but she doesn't know, still needs to be served.



I am really sad for you. I filed last week and I know it sucks. However, ultimately I think we will ALL be happy in the future. :smthumbup:


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

oh my so how did it go?


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Paulination said:


> NotDoneYet said:
> 
> 
> > My wife who moved out with the OM says she's interested in coming back home on a "one-month trial basis."
> ...


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

maincourse99 said:


> May of last year my exwife gave me a deadline of 9/1/12 to make up her mind between me and POSOM. I foolishly agreed. A week before 9/1/12 I find out she and POSOM are getting a place together. Next day, I called the lawyer and filed. Lesson learned the hard way. Now she's making overtures about returning. Too late.


I LOVE how they are soooooooooooooo certain that they want the OM/OW so bad, that they are willing to wager everything on that person. Just to have us decide as BS that we deserve better  decide we want to move on and ALL THE SUDDEN  "they cannot live without us", blah blah blah, "they realize the error of their way" and act like we should say "its all good, you betrayed us, but now since you decided I am worthy enough of your respect & love...SURE COME ON HOME"...YEAH RIGHT!


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Kaya62003 said:


> I am really sad for you. I filed last week and I know it sucks. However, ultimately I think we will ALL be happy in the future. :smthumbup:


Happiness post divorce does exist. Once you embrace the opportunity you have to rebuild your life without a liar and a cheat... your whole perspective changes. At least that is what I feel like.

All the best
WD


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Just recall...your wife is trying to do the 180 ON HER OTHER MAN.

What does that tell you about her, your relationship to her and her relationship to him?

Save your finances. Change the locks. Expose. Have her served.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What happened to the OP?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

A thousand threads and posts and you are still talking to this woman.
Do you NOT see how unhealthy this love you have is ???

Good Lord man !!!! STOP talking to the cancer and laser it out of your life.


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