# She had affair...and it's my fault



## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

My wife had an affair for a year, and then I discovered the incriminating emails. We did counseling for a year after that, and she refused to own up to what really happened. Essentially she blamed me. 

Every time we tried to talk about the affair, she would say we had problems in our marriage for years (we did, I talk 50% of the blame for that), that I'm controlling (uh, yeah, I let her make almost all the decisions about the home, the kids, vacations, whether she should go back to work, how much sex -- hardly any - we had). 

So it was all my fault that she ****ed around with my kid's sports coach. I "drove her" to the affair. 

No surprise: I got an apartment. Haven't moved out, waiting for her to sign a separation agreement. No surprise, she's dragging this out, won't sign, won't get her lawyer to propose an agreement that is acceptable to them.

Sooo, is SHE controlling things by NOT taking action? Well that's how she operates - she controls by refusing to cooperate. SHE's the controlling one. 

It's hard on the kids to go through this at Christmas but it's right move, don't you think?

Thanks for listening.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

She's hoping to continue cake eating long enough for you to give up on moving.
So what you do is cut off the money. Pay what needs to be paid, and she must pay her share.

Your'er right, she is still trying to control things.

Ask your lawyer about getting a judge to sign off on the separation without her signing.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

STOP.

STOP.

STOP.

She needs to be the one to move out. 

You better have a damn good reason why she isn't the one to move out. 

Now that you know she's blameshifting, do not let her continue to do it. It validates her affair. You moving out also validates it.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Your attorney should be able to handle this. What state are you in? You are correct in not moving out. She may be baiting you to see if you will. The court will not make you stay. You can file it and then they can adjust. This is why being the one to file is so important.

If she is blaming you, it will never get better and maybe it is still not over.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

berlin292 said:


> My wife had an affair for a year, and then I discovered the incriminating emails. We did counseling for a year after that, and she refused to own up to what really happened. Essentially she blamed me.


Berlin, when did the affair end? Did you expose the affair to anyone? Is the coach married? 

I think you should stay in the house and SHE should leave. Obviously she's not going to do that, so push your attorney to get a separation order in place asap.


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

Berlin292

Your wife is simply blame shifting. She refuses to accept the fact that no matter how bad the marriage was, she chose to spread her legs. She could have filed for divorce or initiated marriage counseling, but she chose to be unfaithful. That is all on her and she needs to own it. Otherwise, the marriage can never recover. 

Now, she is blaming you for her poor choices. She will never take responsibility. She will always be the victim. 


You are doing the right thing here.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If your wife did nothing wrong and has blamed you for the affair then its safe to say that she is still screwing around. She hasn't learned a damb thing so why should she stop. 

Make no mistake, this isn't about the coach, its about a behavior your wife has and She may not be seeing anyone now, but the right guy hasn't come around again. Hell who knows she could be seeing soem one right now. But the point is your wife has excepted her affair as being justified, so why not have another one right?

Do not move out until you get this court order, the last thing you want is to be labeled for abandoning her, and then your screwed.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

You can put a stop to this bullcrap by exposing both of them far and wide for what they have done. It's pretty easy to act morally superior and without fault while all her transgressions are still in the dark. 

Expose them to the light of day and you'll see a different tune when she all of a sudden has to explain her actions to people other than just you.


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

Let me guess...the MC agrees with her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This blameshifting crap kills me....... "your a crappy husband so I decieved you instead of facing the bad marriage a leaving your @ss"

@3putt, I agree, exposure is the best tactic to make the affair inconvienent and uncomfortable...THIS TIME!!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Why are you moving out? So her coach can screw her while the kids are in the next room?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Is "coach" married?


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

I read your other thread and would like to know why you are the one moving out? To my mind, your wife is the person who chose to look outside the marriage (behind your back) so she should be the one to leave so that she can pursue her single's lifestyle unencumbered by you or her children (who are a lower priority to her than her affair).

Since she is stalling on the mediation, I would change your plans and stay. Tell her to find a place. If there is a spare room ask HER to move into it until she finds a place (being Christmas, it might be tough). OR - let her move into the place you already arranged - but make sure she knows that it's temporary.

BOTH of you are responsible for the state of your marriage leading up to her affair. Once she chose to have an affair, she chose her own selfish interests above all else. SHE chose to look after her own needs above her family's. SHE chose to lie and go behind you and your children's backs. So SHE should take responsibility for her choices and leave. It is that simple. If she shows remorse, then she can work on getting back with the family. But it is up to her. Your task now is to look after your children and look after yourself.

Good luck!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Do you have a lawyer? Is he/she advising you on strategy? Or just agreeing with what you want and then doing the paperwork?

Why can't you just file for divorce with your terms for custody and finances?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Is the affair ongoing? Are they still communicating? Are they still meeting up for sex?

Where does your wife stand? She says she wants separation and divorce and then does the opposite?

Where does other man stand? Does he say he wants to divorce and marry your wife? Is he separated or in process of divorce? Is he working on his marriage? Or is he just using your wife for sex? If you don't know, can you find out from his wife?

Did your wife ever like sex? When you were dating, engaged, first married? Or was she like this from day one?


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

Don't ever let anyone convince you that this is your fault. 

We live in a society of blame. It's her affair, her irresponsibility, her unfaithfulness, but it's your fault? 

Garbage.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Become indifferent to your wife. Stop discussing anything other than finances, the divorce, and the kids.

Tell your wife you won't discuss your relationship until she gives up other man and is willing to demonstrate it to you, for example, by writing a no contact letter, giving up her passwords, not deleting things, letting you know her whereabouts, and apologizing to you and your family and friends.

If your wife won't agree to the separation agreement, stay in the house and proceed with the divorce without her. Don't count on her cooperation. Eventually, if she doesn't cooperate, a judge will make the decisions about her finances and her share of custody for her. Stop letting her get to you. She enjoys it. SHE CONTROLS YOU BECAUSE YOU LET HER CONTROL YOU. Stop giving her this power. Lower your expectations. Expect her to be as difficult as possible, then if she isn't, you will be pleasantly surprised. Detach.

If she won't move out of the bedroom, you should set up another bedroom in another room in the house for yourself until the divorce is final. Try to live a separate life to the degree necessary.

Tell her you are letting her go. Tell her you would like her to go live with the other man right now. You will help her pack her stuff up and drive her over to his place. Call other man. Tell him he wins, you will be dropping off your wife and all her baggage in a few minutes. Call other man's wife and let her know, too.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

DarkHoly said:


> Don't ever let anyone convince you that this is your fault.
> 
> We live in a society of blame. It's her affair, her irresponsibility, her unfaithfulness, but it's your fault?
> 
> Garbage.


I would sneak this pic onto her computer as the wallpaper when she's not looking.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_And who told her the marriage was bad, that you were a control freak? The sport the sports coach did!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So Berlin, unless you actually got in the car, drove her to a prearranged meeting with a man and forced her to get naked and have sex - you didn't make her cheat.

she cheated because she chose to. She decided her getting shagged for 30 min was more important to her than the marriage, her integrity, and you.

Move back in.

If doesn't have a lawyer, it doesn't matter to you. File and have her served.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...n/63603-cant-believe-im-getting-divorced.html

She's hopeless


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

3putt said:


> I would sneak this pic onto her computer as the wallpaper when she's not looking.


I'm gonna email this pic to my stbxw right now...


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

Affair has stopped. I told his wife right away. They are still together, in counseling.

I'm moving out because my wife is very passive aggressive and she controls things by refusing to take actions or do anything. So if I told her to move out, she would just refuse. Much easier to get out myself. 

I have cut off the money -- my paycheck goes into an account only I have access to. She's not happy about that. 

I love that picture. Yeah, I know, she's crazy. I didn't make her cheat. There's something inside of her that's been there since childhood that makes her unhappy, and this is the result of it. She's totally resistant to MC or individual therapy, so I don't know how she'll ever get straightened out.

She's a major blameshifter -- I read her emails, and that's her example of how controlling I am...and because I'm controlling, she "had no voice" and her only way out was to have an affair.

Of course she's conveniently skipping over the fact that I only read her emails because it was blatantly obvious that she was in an affair that started...before I read her emails.

The whole thing is insane.


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

Will - I'm doing very much what you advise. I'm indifferent to her. We're about to go to Christmas Eve dinner with the kids -- I'm doing it for the kids -- but I really have nothing to say to her. We don't talk about anything except finances, kids, lawyers, etc.

We are hardly ever in the same room in the house. I've detached -- I have an apartment, I've bought furniture, my mother gave me a microwave and coffee maker for Christmas, I've showed the kids the apartment. I'm moving forward. She's making it difficult by not signing the separation agreement, but eventually she'll have to.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

She sounds like a real b!tch, no remorse. Get a lawyer asap.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

berlin292 said:


> I'm moving out because my wife is very passive aggressive and she controls things by refusing to take actions or do anything. So if I told her to move out, she would just refuse. Much easier to get out myself.


Have you consulted a lawyer regarding this? You're basically screwing yourself royally for any decent child custody you may get by abandoning the marital home.

If you haven't already done so, hire a lawyer that focuses best on your interest not just on his $$.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Expose her to all the family why you are moving out but talk to a lawyer before you do!


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Xmas morning here. Kids are with the ExW this morning..so on TAM.. 

The blame shift is normal. She is seeing you for the first time from the outside in and simply does not understand what she is seeing.
Who is this man? He is trying to take my freedom away. He is trying to control me! He has no right to do this!
In some ways she is right. You do have no right to demand anything of her. 

I don't believe the affair is over. If it is it is very recent and she and him are trying to control the situation. Keep it neatly compartmentalized and they are using MC to do this. Yes, they will sit in MC and lie through their teeth.. 

EXPOSE THEM
This will blow their devious little plans out of the water. 

YOU DO NOT MOVE OUT. Cancel the Apartment, you aren't going anywhere at the moment.. 
Why?
Your a Father and as a Father you will lose access to your kids. You will be struggling to get 50/50 with them. 
When you expose her she will be furious. Good.
She is the one who moves to the apartment. Not you

If you go.. .please.. please don't do it she will tell the world that 
"Daddy didn't want to live with us anymore"
A month or two goes by and she will miraculously meet a nice man and in 4 months he will there. The coach will have done "everything he could have done to save his marriage in MC"

You will be the one who abandoned the kids.


It is a common story and I am begging you on this cold Xmas morning where I have neither of my kids [ I have 75% custody] to reconsider.

EXPOSE.
DO NOT MOVE OUT..


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## livinfree (Sep 7, 2012)

berlin292 said:


> Affair has stopped. I told his wife right away. They are still together, in counseling.
> 
> I'm moving out because my wife is very passive aggressive and she controls things by refusing to take actions or do anything. So if I told her to move out, she would just refuse. Much easier to get out myself.
> 
> ...


Wow dude, this is me wife too. So eerie how predictable these situations are.

I didn't move out, I kicked mine out of the master bedroom to the basement.

Mine resists counseling also, she said she would go only to prove how effed up I am! LOL

I got the whole controlling song and dance too. 

Listening carefully to what she accuses you of, it's very much what they are guilty of themselves, file those accusations and watch for them in her behaviour. You will be amazed.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

ing said:


> Yes, they will sit in MC and lie through their teeth..


My sister is a therapist and does a good amount of couples counseling. She says it is very common for one spouse to lie in therapy. Sometimes they will tell her the truth but then in couples session will lie to the spouse. The therapist can't reveal what was said in individual session.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

OP! Get a paternity test!!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

hookares said:


> OP! Get a paternity test!!


Yes DNA the kids please!


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

tom67 said:


> She sounds like a real b!tch, no remorse. Get a lawyer asap.


She's deranged. She has her own version of reality. She claims our friends think I'm obnoxious, but I talk to them and they don't talk to her anymore and can't believe what she's done and is doing. 

First thing I did when I found the emails was get a lawyer. He's on the case. Thing is, we can do this easily, or we can go to war. And if she wants war, I have a stack of emails that demonstrate very bad behavior by her. She of course was around the coach a lot WITH my kid, and the kid is so anxious now that he/she is pulling the hair out of his/her head. Seriously. Looks like a chemo patient. So if she wants war, it's going to be ugly for her.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

berlin292 said:


> She's deranged. She has her own version of reality. She claims our friends think I'm obnoxious, but I talk to them and they don't talk to her anymore and can't believe what she's done and is doing.
> 
> First thing I did when I found the emails was get a lawyer. He's on the case. Thing is, we can do this easily, or we can go to war. And if she wants war, I have a stack of emails that demonstrate very bad behavior by her. She of course was around the coach a lot WITH my kid, and the kid is so anxious now that he/she is pulling the hair out of his/her head. Seriously. Looks like a chemo patient. So if she wants war, it's going to be ugly for her.


Save all the evidence in a safe place. Even if it's a no fault state those emails could sway a judge. Show what you think of her word by getting a paternity test.


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

Kids are definitely mine. I have the emails in a safe deposit box. Also copies on an anonymous email account. 

I am in a no-fault state, and yes they could sway a judge.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

And if you do file make sure his name is in the complaint. Put him on cheaterville also so if someone googles his name that shows up too!


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

great idea! put his name in the complaint...yeah, I'll do that. 

I actually got the chance to play a contact sport against him and I waited and waited and finally at the end of the game had the perfect chance and just knocked him flying. 

He's a punk, and a cheater and a wife beater (for real).


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## livinfree (Sep 7, 2012)

I hear this often of putting the OM in the complaint/divorce papers, yet my D layer said it's not possible. How are you guys doing it then ?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

livinfree said:


> I hear this often of putting the OM in the complaint/divorce papers, yet my D layer said it's not possible. How are you guys doing it then ?


I put om in but that was almost 3 yrs ago. I think when the other party contests the divorce you can put all the evidence as exibits added on to the primary filing.


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## livinfree (Sep 7, 2012)

tom67 said:


> I put om in but that was almost 3 yrs ago. I think when the other party contests the divorce you can put all the evidence as exibits added on to the primary filing.


Hmm, I am the primary (I filed first) 

Sorry for the threadjack


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

And if she goes back with pos and if there is a police record on him I sure as h$ll wouldn't want him around the kids anymore and would make sure that isn't going to happen.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

livinfree said:


> Hmm, I am the primary (I filed first)
> 
> Sorry for the threadjack


Family law is crazy varies from state to state


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

berlin292 said:


> Kids are definitely mine.


How do you know? DNA proven or they look exactly like you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

keko said:


> How do you know? DNA proven or they look exactly like you?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Plus in your other thread you said you were in a sexless marriage since at least 2008. This may not be her first rodeo.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

berlin292 said:


> She of course was around the coach a lot WITH my kid, and the kid is so anxious now that he/she is pulling the hair out of his/her head. Seriously. Looks like a chemo patient. So if she wants war, it's going to be ugly for her.


Put your kid on IC asap. Seriously. Beyond the current pain he's obviouly suffering if he learns to cope with pains by self harm i will be with him forever. Please do it.

Expose OM to his employers! He uses his job to take adventage of moms. Also, if you have real sh1t on him you mayube have legal ways to force him to stay away from your kids.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

berlin292 said:


> She of course was around the coach a lot WITH my kid, and the kid is so anxious now that he/she *is pulling the hair out of his/her head.* Seriously. Looks like a chemo patient. So if she wants war, it's going to be ugly for her.


*Major*, major emotional issue. This is going to have a huge effect in your child's emotional development. Mommy issues in young boys particularly is (as I understand it) a huge hurdle in adult relationships, workplace relationships, academics etc. 

Don't want to scare you but this is one of the things, again - as I understand it - that are precursors common to durg/alcohol addictions in early youth. Please address this immediately. 

Screwing you over is one thing, you're an adult - screwing over her own child is just unforgivable - ever!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I asume your wife blames it/put it on you, on what a poor husband and parent you were to beging with and your horrible reaction to her desire to get rid of you (everthing minus the fact she cheated and gaslighted for months and the predictable aftermath).
Man, even if it means "family therapy" or alike you need to adress it. You swallow your pride, you change whatever you need to change in your interactions with STBX and your behavior at home when you have the kid.
It seems the divorce is hitting him/her hard but acting out this way is a dangerous precedent. Developing healthier coping skills is a must.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

might've missed it, but have you exposed this affair? i mean, far and wide- friends & family.

if not, that's why she's painting you in a bad light. she's cutting you off at the pass. 

this is why exposure is so crucial. WS will often rewrite their marital history as a buffer in case their current actions/behavior come into scrutiny. 

you need to blow this out of the water, if you haven't already. get to it!


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## Pointegirl (Nov 21, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> *Major*, major emotional issue. This is going to have a huge effect in your child's emotional development. Mommy issues in young boys particularly is (as I understand it) a huge hurdle in adult relationships, workplace relationships, academics etc.
> 
> Don't want to scare you but this is one of the things, again - as I understand it - that are precursors common to durg/alcohol addictions in early youth. Please address this immediately.


As for the hair pulling itself, THIS IS _NOT_ TRUE!!! I have extensive experience with this disorder (called Trichotillomania), and it is not a major emotional issue, but can accompany them. Often it is not even associated with trauma, but with the sensory system & the body trying to find equilibrium. In kids, though, because they don't have many coping mechanisms for stress in their lives, these behaviors can pop up as a way for them to deal with all the crazy going on around them. 

My best suggestion is to go to the Trichotillomania Learning Center website & do some reading. http://trich.org/about/for-parents-educators.html Learn how to be compassionate with your child about this, as being shamed for it can actually make it last longer & be much worse. Call and talk to Christina or Jennifer and seek out resources in your area for people who know how to treat this disorder. Kids can often grow out of it, but those of us who had it come on as teens or adults have a much harder time beating it. 

PM me if you have questions. Educating about Trich is a passion of mine as someone who has had it over half my life. 

Granted, you have a lot going on in your life, but maybe focusing on your child & helping her through this disorder & the emotions and stressors that accompany it, will give you a break from over processing all the separation stuff.


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> *Major*, major emotional issue. This is going to have a huge effect in your child's emotional development. Mommy issues in young boys particularly is (as I understand it) a huge hurdle in adult relationships, workplace relationships, academics etc.
> 
> Don't want to scare you but this is one of the things, again - as I understand it - that are precursors common to durg/alcohol addictions in early youth. Please address this immediately.
> 
> Screwing you over is one thing, you're an adult - screwing over her own child is just unforgivable - ever!


I know...I've gotten my kids to see a child psychologist. And guess what? The crazy woman who used to be my wife is AGAINST it -- she wants to stop therapy! She's so messed up (my wife). Some days I just don't know what to do.


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

Pointegirl said:


> As for the hair pulling itself, THIS IS _NOT_ TRUE!!! I have extensive experience with this disorder (called Trichotillomania), and it is not a major emotional issue, but can accompany them. Often it is not even associated with trauma, but with the sensory system & the body trying to find equilibrium. In kids, though, because they don't have many coping mechanisms for stress in their lives, these behaviors can pop up as a way for them to deal with all the crazy going on around them.
> 
> My best suggestion is to go to the Trichotillomania Learning Center website & do some reading. For Parents & Educators | About Hair Pulling & Skin Picking | Trichotillomania Learning Center Learn how to be compassionate with your child about this, as being shamed for it can actually make it last longer & be much worse. Call and talk to Christina or Jennifer and seek out resources in your area for people who know how to treat this disorder. Kids can often grow out of it, but those of us who had it come on as teens or adults have a much harder time beating it.
> 
> ...


I'm trying. But as I said, my wife is against therapy for hair pulling. So we're battling over that. I've been to trich.org, have some books, talk to my daughter a lot about it (I'm the main person she confides in).


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## Pointegirl (Nov 21, 2012)

berlin292 said:


> I'm trying. But as I said, my wife is against therapy for hair pulling. So we're battling over that. I've been to trich.org, have some books, talk to my daughter a lot about it (I'm the main person she confides in).


I wouldn't focus therapy on the hair pulling itself, but on everything else. In all honesty, there aren't any tried and true treatments for trich and most therapists are clueless about the disorder. I have taught most of my therapists what it is, not the other way around. Meds and behavioral therapy work for a few, but not most. The research on the disorder is in its infancy. If she is young, your child is more likely to just grow out of it anyway. 

However, she DOES need to be in counceling or play therapy with someone skilled in working with kids. She has a lot of other crap going on in her life that she needs to learn to deal with in a healthy way. Not all therapists are created equal, so shop around if one doesn't seem to be working. You trying to keep kids in counseling shows that you are working inyour best interest, and that should work to your advantage down the road. What does the therapist say about continuing or ending treatment? If s/he thinks it is in the kids best interest to continue, it might help to have that put in writing, to have in your back pocket later.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

berlin292 said:


> My wife had an affair for a year...................................................
> ..................Thanks for listening.



So what do you want?

Thanks for answering.


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## firedog1 (Sep 17, 2012)

my wife is AGAINST it -- she wants to stop therapy!
She gave up her right to complain when SHE created this POS!
SHE needs to be in therapy!


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

theroad said:


> So what do you want?
> 
> Thanks for answering.


From you? Nothing really. Just needed to air my story.

From my wife? I want her to sign a separation agreement, so I can move out and have 50-50 custody.

Thanks for asking.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

berlin292 said:


> From you? Nothing really. Just needed to air my story.
> 
> From my wife? I want her to sign a separation agreement, so I can move out and have 50-50 custody.
> 
> Thanks for asking.


Another questio for you to answer: Is there any way you would stay married if you could get your WW's head back on straight?

If you wany out stop blaming your WW.

If you wanted out you would of not signed a lease spending money on a second rent.

If you wanted out you would of hired a lawyer to file and bring this divorce to trial. WW does not hire a lawyer or does not show up you get a default judgement. You are a free man.


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

theroad said:


> Another questio for you to answer: Is there any way you would stay married if you could get your WW's head back on straight?
> 
> If you wany out stop blaming your WW.
> 
> ...



I blame her for this whole mess, AND I want out. They are not mutually exclusive. I"m not leaving til I'm assured of 50-50 custody. 

My lawyer and I are trying to get to mediation, rather than go through court. But we may have to go that way.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Thor said:


> My sister is a therapist and does a good amount of couples counseling. She says it is very common for one spouse to lie in therapy. Sometimes they will tell her the truth but then in couples session will lie to the spouse. The therapist can't reveal what was said in individual session.


Often, they lie to themselves. Convince themselves it was their faithful spouse's fault.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

berlin292 said:


> She's deranged. She has her own version of reality. She claims our friends think I'm obnoxious, but I talk to them and they don't talk to her anymore and can't believe what she's done and is doing.
> 
> First thing I did when I found the emails was get a lawyer. He's on the case. Thing is, we can do this easily, or we can go to war. And if she wants war, I have a stack of emails that demonstrate very bad behavior by her. She of course was around the coach a lot WITH my kid, and the kid is so anxious now that he/she is pulling the hair out of his/her head. Seriously. Looks like a chemo patient. So if she wants war, it's going to be ugly for her.


The hairpulling. I'll be this is *another* thing your wife will not acknowledge as resulting from her bad actions and bad choices?


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## berlin292 (Dec 18, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> The hairpulling. I'll be this is *another* thing your wife will not acknowledge as resulting from her bad actions and bad choices?


You got it! She talked to the OM in my daughter's presence for a year -- on the phone, at games etc.

OF COURSE she (my daughter) picked up on the non-verbal communication -- the tone of voice, the tilt of the head, the smiles, the lighting up when they saw each other, the hand on the arm.

I'm certain my daughter picked up on it and that created more anxiety for her and that pushed her to hairpulling.


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