# I did it



## Tole (Jun 28, 2009)

I finally filed the divorce papers. After two years of...

-constantly being accused of cheating (never did)
-constantly being called a stupid *****
-constantly being subject to strip searches where he would force me to let him check my vagina for signs that I had been with another man
-being left with a choice of having sex every single day or else he would assume I was getting it somewhere else and proceed to have a tantrum and destroy property and/or physically attack me
-being told I'm worthless because I've slept with 4 other guys in my life (before I met him) and nobody else will want such a worthless ***** like me
-being forced to abide by all his silly rules (not allowed to go to certain stores, not allowed to eat certain foods, not allowed to eat in certain rooms of the house, not allowed to come to bed unless the dishes are done, etc.)
-watching him abuse and torture our pets when they misbehave
-constantly fixing holes in the walls, cleaning up messes and spills made in his fits of fury, trying to laugh and downplat the issue when concerned neighbors showed up
-being coerced by having him threaten to call police on me for hitting him (I never hit him) just to get me charged with something so he could ruin my career because all I did there (according to him) was have sex with everyone anyway
-not being allowed to talk to old friends
-not being allowed to talk to male friends
-not being allowed to talk to my family because they dislike him
-not being allowed to talk to black people because he's racist
-being smacked, kicked, choked, punched, slapped, thrown down stairs, pinned against walls, spit on, hair pulled, sexually assaulted, raped, shoved, crushed with a door, cut, scratched, and beaten with furniture...

I have a restraining order, divorce papers, and the process has already started. I might lose money and property and he's already come to my job and caused trouble there, spread nasty rumors to my friends and co-workers and shown naked pictures of me to people for not obeying him, but I finally realized I have nothing left to lose or hold onto. It was hard, for so long I thought I loved him, and couldn't bear the thought of being without him. I didn't want anything bad to happen to him and was afraid to leave him because he might not make it on his own. But I finally reached a point where I realize that both of us will be better off. His dangerous obsession over me will stop getting him into trouble for domestic violence, and I will be free to be myself again. I'm a little nervous because I don't know what's going to happen and because he has alienated me from my friends for so long, I don't really have a support system to confide in, which is probably what I'm doing on this forum. It hurts and I miss him terribly, but his behavior drowned out his "nicer side" so much so that I feel like I already lost him long before this and need to just wish him luck and go on my way.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Good for you! Glad you are gettin out of that horrible situation, no one deserves to be treated that way. He needs some serious help, and it probably wouldnt hurt for you to sit down with a consoler, just to have someone to open up to and relieve some stress off of you. I hope everything works out for the best. You can PM me if you ever need to talk. Im always here.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Wow...bless your heart sweetie. Yes please talk to a counselor ASAP this man has done more than physically damage you. Post and keep posting there are many a fine folk here to listen, let you vent, and listen some more. Congrats for finally taking a stand for yourself best thing you've ever done!!!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sounds like:
Your life will most certainly improve now !!!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Well done. Don't look back.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

Looks like there is only one way but up for you, Tole!

Take care, and be VERY careful of him, he sounds really "off".


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

I hate to sound drastic but I would consider getting a gun just in case.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

martino said:


> I hate to sound drastic but I would consider getting a gun just in case.


:iagree:


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

No guns, please! I don't want to read your next post, "I shot my husband and awaiting trial for murder" or worse yet, "I accidently shot my wife becasue she was on this forum." If you are that worried about your safety, go to a shelter, leave town, leave the country. Don't fight volence with more violence.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Better to read his obit rather than her's...or worse yet, her's and others. Her husband sounds like he has the potential to go right off. What could a shelter do if he walked in with a shotgun? these kind of guys view their spouses as "property."


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Tole: Please keep posting. I used to counsel battered and abused women and your situation is concerning me. ray:

A restraining order isn't bullet proof, trust me.  

You need to watch yourself if your stbx is as scary as you have described him.

Thinking about you. Stay close, OK?


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

I completely agree also. GOOD for you for leaving that situation. And i am also worried that he is now stalking your work. Please be careful, dont walk to your car alone. Advise your boss and coworkers that you are leaving and he is giving you trouble, hopefully they will be understanding and you wont lose your job.

You will be so much better off without him.
good luck to you and God bless


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