# I'm going insane...confused



## hollowed454 (May 30, 2009)

me and my wife have been married for 11/2 years and dated 3 years prior to that. back in april 08 her father passed away and our marriage has been going downhill ever since. 2 times since then she has told me she wanted a divorce and everytime changed her mind about it right afterwards and wanted to work it out. 2 months ago she had an affair and i found out about it about it 3 weeks ago. when i found out I kicked her out immediatly and over the course of the next few days she convinced me she was ready to take our marriage seriously. A few days she became withdrawn and i asked her what was wrong and she told me she thinks we need to separate because she cares for this guy and not sure what she wants but said she still wants things to work between us. A couple of days later it came to she doesn't know if she wants things to work out at all. Wedensday she left to tell her brother of the separation (supposedly) about 5 min after she left her sister in law called me (I'm close to them) to tell me I should come over and see this for myself. I went over there and they prepared me and asked me to hide behind the doorway before she got there and made me promise not to start anything. So I hid and a few minutes later she came in and introduced them to her new boyfriend Dre. naturally that finished tearing my heart apart but i still sat there and listened to everything that was said in disbelief. She told them lies as to why we were separating well she told them we were divorcing. So after they left I left I got her to come home and we went for a drive in which time I dropped the bomb on her that I knew the truth. went for a drive because my wife likes to try to run out the door when there is an arguement. I ended the drive as soon as i told her just so she would have time to let it sink in by the time we got home. which erupted in an argument when we got home and during she finally admitted to that she was dating the guy and she also said that she had no idea where the guy lives which makes me suspicious of him as well. So now she has been completely moved out into a friend of her's apartment but she has been over here every day and when she comes over she hugs and kisses me and before she leaves tells me she loves me. I have no idea what she's doing when apparently she has a new boyfriend. She says she hasn't really moved on it's just easier to be with someone so she's not alone. My wife is bi polar and on no medication because she won't go to therapy because everytime she goes she says they want to lock her up on suicide watch or something. I know everyone is probably thinking I am insane because I still very much love my wife and still want things to work out between us. I have no idea what is going on here and my mind and heart is racked in pain.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Leave her. 

She does not love you.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

You r her security blanket. She is coming over there, so she can ease herself out of the marriage. How does it feel to know that you r helping in this. You should have zero contact with her. Then you take yourself out of the "bad guy light" so she has to focus on the POS other man. And her own insane actions. You want her back? Don't let her have you and the OM. She needs to be brought to a crisis. JMHO


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## hollowed454 (May 30, 2009)

Initfortheduration said:


> You r her security blanket. She is coming over there, so she can ease herself out of the marriage. How does it feel to know that you r helping in this. You should have zero contact with her. Then you take yourself out of the "bad guy light" so she has to focus on the POS other man. And her own insane actions. You want her back? Don't let her have you and the OM. She needs to be brought to a crisis. JMHO


that's kind of the way i feel like I am the person who is supposed to catch her when she falls. I don't contact her at all she contacts me. I just wish there was some easy way to walk away from her and feel nothing about it because I know in reality I should be mad as all hell and I should be the one wanting the divorce. I go through spells though of being angry and missing her. I'm sorry I'm not familiar with some of the abbreviations your using. what is OM? I figure this other guy must have a wife,live in girlfriend or just not serious about any of this and will toss her once he's done with her even though he's the one who pursued this relationship. she had ended it at one point and he had text her which started it back up. She just says they are the cliche of "opposites attract"


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

OM is other man. You have to be strong. When she comes over, leave without talking to her. Go to a movie, anywhere. Just don't acknowledge her. At least until she breaks down. 

The other point is, cut off the money. Close joint accounts, cancel credit cards. Tell her if you can't trust her with your heart, you can't trust her with you money. 

THERE HAS TO BE CONSEQUENCE TO HER ACTIONS OR SHE WILL CONTINUE THEM.


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## hollowed454 (May 30, 2009)

I know that I won't see her for at least 3 days. she works 13 hours a day sunday-Tuesday so most likely won't see or talk to her during that time. The other guy is a co worker of hers. money has been shut off but now it has gotten more strict since she's no longer living here she has nothing coming from me. When i initially found out about the affair I had her get her own bank account right then. The only thing I still have with her is her car. It's in my name and thus far her credit has been too bad to get a loan in her name which I am going to get a notarized statement that she is paying it which I know wouldn't help me out credit wise if she doesn't fulfill on that. Only reason I haven't got the car is because I can't afford insurance and two car payments and I can't get what i owe out of the car. Already tried. I've already put her on strict guidelines that if she doesn't pay her share of the insurance on time that I will take the car. just drives me nuts that she is with someone else and doesn't even know where he lives. then he's gone on the weekends to supposedly see his kid. yah I know this is going to crash and burn I'm certain of it. I know that should be the least of my concerns right now it's just one of those things that is really hard to not think about.


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

BE strong, think about you first. You have lost your life to her......Take it back, you will have ups and downs this means your human,take it one minute at a time let your self mourn.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I know what it feels like. Many of us here do, too. 

Get clear of her, take care of yourself. In time you will get better, the pain will diminish. Most of us have done or are doing that right now. 

CHANGE THE LOCKS!!


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## seibert253 (Apr 29, 2009)

Go NC. If she calls, do not answer. If she comes to your home, leave.

Contact and attorney, file, and have her served.


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