# Having Doubts...



## MrsMD (Jan 2, 2009)

Okay..so where do I begin. 
I am a 25 year old woman who has been engaged for quite some time now and I am having doubts about me and my fiance's future. In the beginning (the honeymoon phase) everything was great of course, we dated for 2 solid years. We were a very outgoing, adventurous and spontaneous couple while we were dating it was like an experience I never had with anyone I dated (and i've been through the dating scene), so once things were at it's highest he proposed and of course I accepted. When we first me he was an honest man and I told me about his infidelities in the past with several women, and he has 2 children to prove it. Ok..no problem, I had never dated men with kids so I didnt knock it because he is a good man and as long as I had no baby mama drama I was cool. And for the most part it's been okay on that end. However, since we gotten engaged things have went downhill for the worst. 
#1 As soon as we got engaged not even a week later, we moved in together-we said hell why wait?, we just went ahead and did it! And this seemed cool for the first week but then we started clashing because of the way he lives and the way I live. He hates to clean, I'm a neat freak- normal relationship stuff right. But it got to a point where he was straight up trifling to the point where he'd leave dirty clothes everywhere, food everywhere, stains on the carpet and on the furniture, and did not care!!! It was getting terrible, but it was tolerable at this point. 
#2 I gotten pregnant 2 months after our engagement, I was regretting it at first because I was unmarried and he was already unmarried and had 2 baby mothers and I felt I would be a third. While I was pregnant, he went out to the clubs all the time, staying all hours of the night and coming in at 6 am. And dare me to question that because he said "everyone needs space outside of their relationship"- him saying that tells me that I'm not enough for him so he needs extra entertainment which brings me to point #3: LACK OF INTIMACY!! Now I know being pregnant makes your sex drive sometimes plummet, but it was like he would never even try and make any romantic gestures to get me in the mood at all. And that was unfair, because our relationship even now 4 months after the baby is still sexless. 
#5 his children: I love and adore his children, however he never includes me in anything with them, like we he gets them he never tells me, he never plans anything with all three kids. He would rather bring them to our house, have me watch them and he go out to the club with his brothers. (He is 28 years old) How fair is that? He wants me to sit home and watch his children all day..not fair at all, I have a life just like anyone else and I would love to go out and kick it with my girls as much as he does with his boys, but I never get afforded the chance to. 
#6 Our careers..ok so my screename says enough I am a Clinical Pharmacist and he a real estate broker...so I bring in a few extra dollars than him, he hates that! He feels like a man should be the one carrying all the weight and blah, blah, blah. Like he wants me to quit my career and stay at home. (He never says this but that's how he acts)
This is what we argue about and his main problem with me is that I am not submissive to him (Am I a dog?) and these were not the attributes or character in the person that I met..and that's why I am having doubts: he is changing(more demanding), I am changing (on the defense) and this relationship is changing to something it never was before. Please....I NEED SOME FEEDBACK!
4 months after the baby...we are in a sexless relationship (still not married), arguing all the time about silly stuff, threatening to leave each other, etc. And what I am constantly trying to figure out is how did we come to this point?


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## Wyst (Dec 27, 2008)

Get out of this relationship now, dear heart. You are only heading for far more pain and trauma than you need. Better to do it now rather than after your babe knows him as a father and it becomes so much more difficult and involved. That is my honest opinion!


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## lostluv (May 12, 2008)

:iagree:

You have been given insight into his lifestyle by the confessions he has professedto you in the past. Now it seems that he may very well be traveling that road again, or at least concidering it.
If you don't do something about this now I fear you will have larger problems as time goes on.


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## MrsMD (Jan 2, 2009)

Yeah I know..thing is I live in his town with our child and it's going to be hell for me to try and move back home, so it's almost as if I'm stuck here for a while. The good thing is I have a plan and I know what I need to do, the hard thing is trying to follow through with it. :-*(


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

MrsMD said:


> he wants me to quit my career and stay at home. (He never says this but that's how he acts)


i read this post a couple of times and this statement stands out.
are you a mind reader? because you're interpreting how he "acts"??? maybe your communication is good, but i don't think it's THAT good.


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## Wyst (Dec 27, 2008)

voivod said:


> i read this post a couple of times and this statement stands out.
> are you a mind reader? because you're interpreting how he "acts"??? maybe your communication is good, but i don't think it's THAT good.


:scratchhead:Oh I'm not so sure. body language is very eloquent indeed! It's been around for longer than language. A recent experiment cited in a New Scientist magaize described how just dropping a couple of words into an interview - like "Florida", "old" and "wrinkle" led to the subjects exposed to those words ( associated wtih retirement) walking more slowly.

While it's always worth verifying the message received, it doesn't mean MrsMD is getting the wrong message!


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