# No sex drive!



## Confusion101 (Apr 9, 2013)

I have been married to my husband now for almost ten years. I love him very much. We also have two kids. For several years now my sex drive has plummeted and is now almost non existent. I find myself simply "going through the motions" when he initiates sex. I often times will "fake it" simply to end it sooner. My husband is a very giving lover and often times will try to make sure I am satisfied before stopping. I know a lot of the problem lies in my self esteem. I do not feel sexy and hate having him rub on me because I think he has to be grossed out (I am over weight). I want to lose weight and have tried many times to lose weight but can never seem to lose more then 20 lbs at a time before I stall out. I have a very busy and stressful life. I work a full time job and am also a full time student. My kids are ages 5 and 8. I want to be happy in my marriage because I know how lucky I am to have the family I have but I am so lonely. My husband works a lot and often times I am already in bed before he gets home. I feel tired ALL the time and have absolutely no energy. I have even tried taking energy/diet pills and they don't do anything. My husband only touches me when he wants sex so I find myself not touching him to avoid initiating sex on accident. I keep the lights off anytime we do have sex and even cried (quietly) to myself the latest time. What is wrong with me? I am only 30 years old. I don't want to say anything to my husband because I don't feel it is his fault in any way but I know he will feel it is some how. I don't want to hurt his feelings.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I would recommend going to the doctor for a check up. There are a lot of things that cause fatigue, exhaustion, weight gain and lowering libido...ie..B12 deficiencies, thyroid issues, hormone issues, diabetes, depression ect..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Confusion101 (Apr 9, 2013)

I went to the Dr. recently and she gave me an anxiety medicine. It helps a little with my stress but does nothing for libido. She did a complete workup and said nothing about any other issues. I have also had a hysterectomy last year but was told if they left my ovaries I would not be thrown into menopause.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

Confusion101 said:


> I have been married to my husband now for almost ten years. I love him very much. We also have two kids. For several years now my sex drive has plummeted and is now almost non existent. I find myself simply "going through the motions" when he initiates sex. I often times will "fake it" simply to end it sooner. My husband is a very giving lover and often times will try to make sure I am satisfied before stopping. I know a lot of the problem lies in my self esteem. I do not feel sexy and hate having him rub on me because I think he has to be grossed out (I am over weight). I want to lose weight and have tried many times to lose weight but can never seem to lose more then 20 lbs at a time before I stall out. I have a very busy and stressful life. I work a full time job and am also a full time student. My kids are ages 5 and 8. I want to be happy in my marriage because I know how lucky I am to have the family I have but I am so lonely. My husband works a lot and often times I am already in bed before he gets home. I feel tired ALL the time and have absolutely no energy. I have even tried taking energy/diet pills and they don't do anything. My husband only touches me when he wants sex so I find myself not touching him to avoid initiating sex on accident. I keep the lights off anytime we do have sex and even cried (quietly) to myself the latest time. What is wrong with me? I am only 30 years old. I don't want to say anything to my husband because I don't feel it is his fault in any way but I know he will feel it is some how. I don't want to hurt his feelings.


Buy the book No More Mister Nice Guy. (Dr Glover). Read it get him to read it. Im going throught this with my wife currently. Its bad!!! I recent her have recent wanted to leave. Read my thread you understand. Get him that book! I wish you luck, we are heading to a counciler I have hope after the book but its going to take time Im sure.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...d-i-need-save-marriage-well-worth-saving.html


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

Confusion101 said:


> I don't want to say anything to my husband because I don't feel it is his fault in any way but I know he will feel it is some how. I don't want to hurt his feelings.


If you never say anything to your husband, how is anything ever going to change? It really sounds like the two of you need to sit down and communicate about each of your needs. Would you like him to go see your Dr with you to discuss physiological issues that could explain your lack of sexual appetite? Can you think of anything that he can do to help you with your self esteem? Can he do anything to help you succeed in getting some exercise and with your diet? 

Do you know what your "love languages" are? What are some things that he can do to help you feel sexy? Holding hands with you? Complimenting you? If you put some thought into the answers to these kinds of questions, then you will be better prepared to help your husband help you.

With respect to not touching you until he wants sex, I have some experience there. When my wife had no sex drive, I felt bad for wanting sex and intimacy. I would intentionally avoid touching her because I didn't want her to feel pressured for sex, or that all I wanted was sex. Then when I got so lonely and hurting that I couldn't stand it any more, I would touch her and approach her for sex and intimacy. Guess what? She felt like the only time I touched her it was because I wanted sex. When we finally started talking and addressing our intimacy issues, we managed to work past those problems. I can't say if this applies to you, but I can say that it does seem like the two of you really need to start communicating.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Confusion101 said:


> I have been married to my husband now for almost ten years. I love him very much. We also have two kids. For several years now my sex drive has plummeted and is now almost non existent. I find myself simply "going through the motions" when he initiates sex. I often times will "fake it" simply to end it sooner. My husband is a very giving lover and often times will try to make sure I am satisfied before stopping. I know a lot of the problem lies in my self esteem. I do not feel sexy and hate having him rub on me because I think he has to be grossed out (I am over weight). I want to lose weight and have tried many times to lose weight but can never seem to lose more then 20 lbs at a time before I stall out. I have a very busy and stressful life. I work a full time job and am also a full time student. My kids are ages 5 and 8. I want to be happy in my marriage because I know how lucky I am to have the family I have but I am so lonely. My husband works a lot and often times I am already in bed before he gets home. I feel tired ALL the time and have absolutely no energy. I have even tried taking energy/diet pills and they don't do anything. My husband only touches me when he wants sex so I find myself not touching him to avoid initiating sex on accident. I keep the lights off anytime we do have sex and even cried (quietly) to myself the latest time. What is wrong with me? I am only 30 years old. I don't want to say anything to my husband because I don't feel it is his fault in any way but I know he will feel it is some how. I don't want to hurt his feelings.



You've had kids, and that will effect your hormones, so seeing a Dr is a must.

Weight gain from having kids is also normal.

To lose weight, just eat clean, small, mini meals every 3 hours and know how many calories you need each day to maintain or lose weight.

Lots of cardio with some weight training will do the rest. You could use a treadmill, go for power walks with a weighted back back or even go to a gym.

You also work a full time job and are a student? Wow.

Tell your hubby you are stressed and burned out. Get him to give you oil massages, head to toe. Nice and relaxing. Scented candles? Maybe that would help?

Get him to have dinner ready before you get home. Flowers before you get up first thing in the morning.

LOTS of cuddling when you get home in his arms to unstress.

Men for the most part have high sex drives and it doesn't take much to get us in the mood either. Testosterone. It's good in a way because you can give him a quickie and he's good and not a 30+ minute sex session.


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