# The challenge: My problem?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Curious really, I've noticed my new potential has managed to gain my interest. Nothing has happened yet, I'm playing it slow and steady, not really much choice considering she is/was one of STBX's friends. Yet this presents to me a challenge... and in addition to her stunning features, I find myself highly attracted. I don't know her well enough to gauge her inner beauty as of yet, but that will come in time. It's a lot different from my other dates, who I couldn't even bring myself to want to bang even after bringing them home with them expecting.

Still, this makes me wonder about my past marriage, how STBX had a high drive but I often rejected her, not just because of her outrageous demands with frequency (multiple times a day), but also because she refused to present to me a challenge. I told her time and time again, to tease me, play hard to get, it taps into my predatory instincts - I like to hunt. When she simply offered herself to me or worst - when she demanded it, I simply wasn't interested.

But is this a problem of mine that is transferrable in my later relationships? Is this problem serious enough that I would have to somehow change? I don't see how I could do that =/


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Curious really, I've noticed my new potential has managed to gain my interest. Nothing has happened yet, I'm playing it slow and steady, not really much choice considering she is/was one of STBX's friends. Yet this presents to me a challenge... and in addition to her stunning features, I find myself highly attracted. I don't know her well enough to gauge her inner beauty as of yet, but that will come in time. It's a lot different from my other dates, who I couldn't even bring myself to want to bang even after bringing them home with them expecting.
> 
> Still, this makes me wonder about my past marriage, how STBX had a high drive but I often rejected her, not just because of her outrageous demands with frequency (multiple times a day), but also because she refused to present to me a challenge. I told her time and time again, to tease me, play hard to get, it taps into my predatory instincts - I like to hunt. When she simply offered herself to me or worst - when she demanded it, I simply wasn't interested.
> 
> But is this a problem of mine that is transferrable in my later relationships? Is this problem serious enough that I would have to somehow change? I don't see how I could do that =/


Hi Random,

I would not label this as a "problem" so to speak. As far as I can tell it is your sexual preference to be the hunter or to have a challenge. I can see where it caused some problems in your marriage with the two of you having different needs.. I think this will still be your preference in any new relationship you enter. In my opinion couples need to meet each other in the middle on things... Example: in your marriage, you should have tried your best to accommodate your x's frequent needs for sex with out turning her down, in turn she should have also met you in the middle by becoming more of a challenge for you. It sounds like you did communicate this to your x but she failed to take action? is that correct?

This may not be a problem with a new relationship if the new girl has a lower sex drive than your x. Thus naturally giving you the challenge you desire. OR you may just need to make it clear to the new person (when the timing is right) that you love the challenge and the hunt of it... That's not the most sexy approach but at the very least you will be sharing your desires/needs before marriage and setting the proper expectation...If done correctly, most women love to learn these interesting things about our new partners sexual preferences early on... In this stage we desire to give you what you want and enjoy knowing what that is...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yes that's correct, so I guess I'm ok then? heh

As for a new girl with a lower sex drive than my ex, well that shouldn't be hard to find... I hope... then again I was wrong before with my ex, as she pulled a bait and switch after marriage. She actually used to be "normal". But hell I don't know if it was a bait and switch of if its still something I've done but bah... past is past yes? 

Thanks for the reply, I feel alot better now. It feels wrong I guess due to the fact that it was one of the contributing factors of our seperation and impending divorce, hence I'm still reflecting abit...


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Turns me off when a girl is too easy ,demanding too . Just turns me off there's nothing l even want to do about that.
Even though l have a high sex drive even the fuss women are all making about sex now, it's fkg everywhere , even turns me off .
Besides , too easy too often , that's fine for a one nighter but it just spells boredom very quickly in 60yrs of marriage.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh or 4 

Good news though with my potential, seems things are getting cozy and I may just have a shot at this. Hell 7 years ago I doubt she would give me the time of day but when I'm a young single man who's already financially solid it's AWESOME lol

Playing that card very cautiously as well as the "forbidden fruit" card, seems to be working as long as I don't screw this up! Heh this is so much fun! Sure beats dating through meetup or anything else


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ok guys, bit of update, things are well... easier then I thought. It's still not official, mostly suggestive and lots of flirting and hanging out. I'm not rushing into things and nor is she. She's quite a pleasant girl, focused on her studies and for her career but also knows how to have fun, about time I find someone who doesn't have to be dependent financially on me as well.

I have made a mistake however by having her over during last weekend, my daughter is cool with her and the two get along quite well - always have, even though she doesn't know that we're actually sort of dating. My date has kept things private thankfully, though it may only be a matter of time before STBX finds out through my daughter. I should have said no to meeting during the weekends.

But hey, I'm having second thoughts even now, if this works out, then it would mean closing the doors to my STBX. STBX has been nice trying to make up for what she did last month, but we have mostly been living our seperate lives. It's just sad really, we used to be so close, now there's another woman in my life.

My date unlike STBX appreciates my romantic side, and enjoys it without the expectation or eventual demand of sex - which we haven't done yet, nor kissed, hence I don't consider it official. Anyways... it's still very early and anytime this could be called off.


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