# Ladies, questions on appearance, do you find smart sexy?



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

First, I am going to have to find the strength to start over eventually but I know I will have to keep myself looking decent just in case I stumble into something. I need to figure out my strong suits. I can only rely on what my ex told me, who was very close to a match for me. Problem is in the time I wasted with her, I am now starting to show a small balding area which makes me look older. I like to wear ball caps but she always told me I look better without one. Very conflicted there. 

Now I realize some will say the woman would have to be OK with your balding sitch anyway, but I am just looking to get a foot in the door. I seem to have what it takes to charm a woman once I talk to her. I just need them to realize I am an intellectual catch before they start physically judging me. 

I first wanted to ask if smart is sexy to you? Are you also intelligent? Not like the nerdy, lets talk about the newest motherboard that came out, just sharp on a lot of subjects. 

Also about facial hair. My process for years has been to let it grow for 4-5 days, then shave. I think I look good with some rugged stubble but the problem is I have some gray coming in. NOT a fan of that. I also would like to attract someone younger so not sure which look to consider.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why do you need to attract someone younger? I am sure there are many lovely women of around your age. As for the balding patch and beard etc, every women is different in what they like. 
I am not one for older men in baseball caps myself. As for going grey, so what?

I would like a man who is reasonably intelligent but he doesn't need to belong to mensa. What attracts me more is a mans integrity, honesty and decency.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Smart can be very sexy. Unfortunately, something that frequently accompanies smart and is very UN-sexy is arrogance and a pompous attitude. Unassuming intelligence, humility, and a healthy sense of curiosity is much more attractive.

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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Why do you need to attract someone younger? I am sure there are many lovely women of around your age. As for the balding patch and beard etc, every women is different in what they like.
> I am not one for older men in baseball caps myself. As for going grey, so what?
> 
> I would like a man who is reasonably intelligent but he doesn't need to belong to mensa. What attracts me more is a mans integrity, honesty and decency.


I agree, 100%. My guy has salt and pepper hair, which I find dead sexy. And he is 10 yrs older than I. If he tried to look younger, I would have found that laughable and unattractive.

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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I am very attracted to intelligent men who have a good sense of humor. Looks are important, but intelligence trumps. But I would never date a not-intelligent man just because he was very good looking.


However, like @FeministInPink says, how the intelligence is exercised is very important. Arrogance and a pompous attitude, or a show off, it not attractive at all.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

FIP and Ele have good points. I think it has less to do with what other women think about you and more to do with your picker.

Don't settle for shallow women. Recognize the traits in women who want to engage with your mind first and be selective. Be as open to receiving them in the same way - don't judge by looks alone or foremostly.

Plenty of us out there, if you scrutinize and set your standards, and stick by them.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Intelligence is sexy to me, but only if you use your power for good. Like the other ladies said, don't come across as a know-it-all. I love a titillating debate on religion and politics, but only if it is a respectful and intelligent debate. We certainly don't have to think or believe the same. Get a rousing debate started and I will be enthralled. I certainly would not talk about such serious matters on a first meet and greet, but on Down the Line, perhaps. 

But hands down, a good sense of humor is such a turn-on to me. now, as far as physical attributes, I love me a silver fox! But if you are not comfortable with that, dye your hair. Along those lines, if you are super self-conscious about the fact that you are balding, if you can pull it off, shave your head. Shaved heads are super sexy to me. A few days' stubble is hot.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Yes, I find intelligence to be very sexy. 

However, more sexy yet is an intelligent man who is also emotionally healthy. If you aren't emotionally healthy and self-aware, then you can't be smart enough to make me willing to deal with your crazy. 

OP, from your other threads, you probably need to worry about fixing your picker, understanding yourself, recognizing and owning healthy attachment patterns and understanding and being ready to participate in healthy relationships, before hairstyles and facial hair issues really become your focus.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rowan said:


> Yes, I find intelligence to be very sexy.
> 
> However, more sexy yet is an intelligent man who is also emotionally healthy. If you aren't emotionally healthy and self-aware, then you can't be smart enough to make me willing to deal with your crazy.
> 
> OP, from your other threads, you probably need to worry about fixing your picker, understanding yourself, recognizing and owning healthy attachment patterns and understanding and being ready to participate in healthy relationships, before hairstyles and facial hair issues really become your focus.


This is true. Emotional intelligence is a high priority... one that I have had to learn to recognize.


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