# Years of Infidelity...lies...immaturity



## STELL (Mar 14, 2010)

I'm new to this, but figured i'd get insight from others in similar situations. I am 28 yrs old and have been married since 2001. My husband and I pretty much jumped into this relationship quick...moved in together 3 mths of being with one another and married 4 mths from when we met. We got married for not so great reasons...although we were oh so inlove and knew it'd happen one day...we both wanted to live out of the barracks and have our home...(military) Anyway...coming from a very STRICT AND ABUSIVE household...I loved my freedom...party, party, party. I was yound and well ignorant. I didn't take care of home and well two yrs into our marriage I had a very confusing phase...I wasn't sure what I wanted...I was confused about myself...and if I really wanted to be w/my husband. I tried to be open about my issue. One, being bicurious...and well it got to where I was not sure of myself. I did have an online things w/someone from another state...never intended to leave my husband and at the time did not even see it wrong beings it was a female. Well, he found out...i cut her off, begged him to forgive me...he said he did...and that is where it all began. I really tried to do better...become the wife i did not know how to be...or well priorities were always out of order. He went to drill instructor school...we were having issues, i moved to nj for 8 mths...in process...heard voicemails...saw emails...notes...condom wrappers...pictures...on top of that people telling me things he had supposedly done, but ofcourse he would always deny. I moved back in hopes to save my marriage. I forgave...over and over again. Three yrs of lies and just random women disrespecting me...him disrespecting me and our marriage...moments where i needed him, he chose to be elsewhere...I could seriously tell stories but I would be here forever. The worst was when a stripper came up to me, described my home...and said they'd been seeing eachother on and off for three yrs...this was now 2006. I did the whole calling them, questioning them, cussing them...even got domestic. I drank heavily...for a long time...I met someone in 2006, first guy I ever paid mind to. My husband and I were sep. The guy and I talked...spent some time together as friends...feelings got involved but i was nowhere near over hubbs. Anyways...got bck w/hubbs...other guy cut me off because he saw it coming...and things were good in 07, seperated again in 08 because i just didn't know what to do. Husband would say/do things here n there I didn't appreciate...would jump up at any time for his friends...and i would come second...no effort in taking me out...or going somewhere together...i was feeling neglected.  Then, I bumped into that guy again...sparks flew...kept in touch...and made things worse...hubbs begged me to stay but things kept getting worse...he packed me up and kicked me out...i ended up on a rebound relationship a mth later and so did he...after five mths of tht we got back together (hubbs n i) again...things were good...I was doing better with not bringing up the past but i would always hear about it...be reminded of it...and i would get ill all over again, making me rebel and just go out and party. Well, i lost touch of the guy...and i was ok w/it cause i really wanted to work on hubbs and i...well hubbs was keeping in touch w/old fling...which is also a childhood friend...and just had no care that it bothered me...so me being immature...i got intouch w/other guy and talked all the time...hubbs found out...saw old texts i'd saved that for stupid reasons i kept to make me feel wanted/loved...it was stupid...i told him we had nothing, he knew we did in 06 though...anyway..i messed up in "using" the other guy when i was emotionally down...hubbs got random pic sent from a coworker of her breast and he denied denied denied..but she later came foward and asked for my forgiveness...husband did not even acknowledge the issue. the following week...other guys calls hubbs and tells him a bunch of exaggeted truths...bout us being together and god only knows what else...he tricked me at a club we bumped into eachother at...grabbed MY phone and called him because he saw me texting my husband i loved him and i had gotten to the club safely. Well, that was it...there wasn't much i could say...nothing much hubbs would have believed. We got orders to the west coast..i left my job and asked him to please believe me and trust those were lies. He couldn't get over it...i moved then came rt back beause i caught hm emailing another female that things were alright but better if she were there...and he missed her. 

so...there i was...no job...doing the best i could to win his trust back...fixing our new home..and i see that...things got ugly nd i left. Filed for seperation...arguments along the way...but he came for two days last week...saw him both days...slept together both nights...we had laughs...talks about random things...we had a great time...but i was taking it for the moment, no expectations...i asked if we were done for good...and it was goodbye he said he couldn't say that nor could he say lets be together...he leaves for afgan for a yr in apr...and although he gave me hope...idk how to feel...what to do...i've been alone...not looking nor wanting anything but to make him and i happy, together. Done with games...but all he could tell me is he does love me but he can't go overseas worrying..and he doesn't know what's going to happen in a yr...

Yesterday I was told he'd hooked up w/two other fems from where he worked...true or not who knows...hear say has gotten us nowhere fast...he denied it all. i left it alone...

Anyway, talk about DRAMA...idk any advice would be greatly appreciated...


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

Well. Hmm...lot of pain and suffering. I'm going to share what Albert Einstein said...

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

At some point, you have to stop all of the loss of time and energy with people who are clearly not as committed as you wish they would be. Sometimes we find out that we love someone more than they do us, and we have to accept that things will not change because the other person is not motivated/interested enough in a common goal to work toward with you. It takes two to make a relationship. Without the other person's commitment, you're just spinning your wheels.

Best,
Lyn


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## STELL (Mar 14, 2010)

Very true..thank you.


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

I agree. I spent 45 days wasting time and energy and all I accomplished was becoming a doormat for my cheating wife. I realized at some point I needed to switch gears and protect my kids and heep myself healthy.

Funny thing is back then she complained there was too much water under the bridge and would not listen to reason. These days she insists she just wants to forget the past and move forward while we remain friends. Too bad she couldn't have had that sense of mind back then. Too little too late IMO. The last 5 months are not easily forgotten. 

Spare yourself the heartache and move on.


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