# Can the drive for sex come back?



## MAEPT10 (Oct 19, 2011)

Sometimes I have found myself creating this trick in my head that women have played on guys. Ya know, really sexual in the dating period. Very horny, even gives blow jobs. But then stops shortly after marriage.

Its almost like, "okay, I got you now, no need to be sexual anymore". And then some guys (not myself) seek other women to fulfill their needs with. I think that is wrong anyways, but I see their point. Its like "I signed up to have sex with you and only you for the rest of my life. I loved our sex life prior to marriage, what happened?"

However, as life becomes a burden with young kids and especially dealing with one that is not mine (splitting time with us and her father). And all the terrible things that can happen in life, death, abuse to a kid that we can't protect. I can understand where a sex drive is lost. Emotionally its just not there, or on the mind. Now granted she went outside the marriage with an EA and a PA that we are working on. _Thanks guys from my other post._

But ladies, does it ever come back? When all the craziness that goes on in life is under control and when a woman feels that she is able to protect her child from that child's father, does it come back? Or do you just become so used to the sexless marriage that it becomes second nature? I know my wife would come around if the law would just take the proper steps to protect her little girl.

Ladies, is a sexless marriage something you become to just live with and are comfortable with, or can it come back?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

It sure did for me. The wake up call for us was when he cheated. After that we discovered that we really do want to be together, after just going through the motions for a few years prior. now I lust after my husband all the time, and it's gone past the hysterical bonding phase.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

I lost mine shortly after having my DD. My focus was on her and i was tired all the time from taking care of her then I started working and the stress just killed it for me. Add in the pressure from my H and it was gone. But he sat down with me one day and asked me what was wrong (not just about sex he just noticed I seemed different). I told him I was tired and stressed all day every day. Then one day he picked up our daughter and told me to go do whatever I wanted for the rest of the day. I slept so good. Shortly after he started helping more I noticed my sex drive was returning and he was appealing again.

I cannot live in a sexless marriage. But its not just sex I also need intimacy from my H. There may be periods when the frequency declines and may even disappear for a time but for me and him I know we can talk it out and figure out what is causing it and what the solutions could be. This may take time but eventually the talking works.


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

I agree, and also say yes....this was a big chunk of my issue with my H - or rather his issue with me. I am not sure why it dicipates for all - but for me it was just lack of self love, coupled with what I viewed as lack of attention\intimacy from my H.

I got lazy, I'll be honest.....it seemed as though H didn't bat an eye at me, so gradually I stopped trying all together, and gradually I grew less and less fond of myself....funny little cycle it creates.

So -- after H dropped his I think I'm done talk - I worked on me...I feel better, eat better (though nowhere near where I want to be) - and I look in the mirror and recognize my old self again...and I smile.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Men also stop wooing women after they say "i do". It's not very sexy to see your husband sitting there scratching his ass in the morning :lol: 

I don't think it's a trick, I think it's a breakdown of 'romance'.

We've never lost our sex drive. There was a time I physically couldn't have sex for long periods of time because of female issues and horrendous pain, but after surgery, that was resolved.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Men also stop wooing women after they say "i do". It's not very sexy to see your husband sitting there scratching his ass in the morning :lol:


Oh the infamous morning ass scratch how could I forget that. It screams super sexy


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

square1 said:


> Oh the infamous morning ass scratch how could I forget that. It screams super sexy


I haven't seen my hubs scratch like that yet...but I remember my dad in the kitchen...oh dear god


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## justsumchik (Oct 7, 2011)

It's important to note that it is not a trick... ok maybe occasionally, but probably 99% of the time women have sex when they want to. They really, really wanted to early in the relationship when they really, really liked you. Then when they stop liking you so much, because you are annoying, or messy, or whiny, or butt-scratchy, or stinky, or boring, or whatever... that's when the sex slows or stops. It isn't a trick, it's that our emotions are very involved in our libido. Of course, that is if there isn't an actual physical problem.

I just wrote a giant response about emotional disconnectedness and reconnecting that I don't want to repeat now, but for me it is all about communication, but both partners have to be motivated to make things work.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The key is to never stop dating. Be romantic. Be playfull. Stay emotionally connected. And re: BJs...I was waaay more into that after marriage than before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> The key is to never stop dating. Be romantic. Be playfull. Stay emotionally connected. And re: BJs...*I was waaay more into that after marriage than before.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Me too! :lol:But that's because he could never finish with a BJ before me...so he wouldn't want them as much, just intercourse. Then I got him to finish and now--- it's all he wants sometimes lol. Fine by me! Sometimes it's too cold to get naked!


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## MAEPT10 (Oct 19, 2011)

I have never stopped being romantic. I may have a history of showing too much love. But I can't see the problem with that. So I ****ing love my wife more than anything, and I think she is sexy and hot and beautiful no matter what time of day or how she looks after the babies. 

There is something else up with her. I don't think she likes her body now that she is with me. I'm a comfortable person so he friends tell me she is comfortable gaining weight with me. She is not big, she was tiny when we met, so a little bit heavier than that is actually hot too. I'm not calling her a woman with loose morals but prior to me and even with me for a while she was into sex. Why not, she was single, really hot, young... who wouldn't be into sex. I was too, college and after college was fun. 

Hahahahaha LMAO I don't even want to talk to you girls... (just kidding) having sex and giving BJ's. Where did you all come from? 

Can someone that has been so emotionally hurt by the father of her daughter being accused by that daughter of sexual abuse, and lost a childhood friend in a tragic accident, and has went outside the marriage with an EA and a secret date and kiss and lied about it, but has committed to our marriage now after that has come out..really come around and find her sex drive?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yes, it comes back. However, I can not speak on behalf of all women. For me it has come back and currently my sex drive has sky rocketed. I'm very lucky my hubby has a high sex drive. I'm in my upper 30's and been married 12 wonderful years. My hubby meets all of my needs physically and emotionally! He is a wonderful man whom treats me with respect 24/7. I do the same in return and go out of my way to make sure he is happy and fulfilled in our marriage.

My husband has never gotten angry when my sex drive was low. He just gave up asking for it and waited for me to come around. Now I'm the one who asks for it just about everyday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAEPT10 (Oct 19, 2011)

Thank you for the motivation. I have been trying to just wait for her to come around and not get mad. Does a woman's sex drive really change for the better when she hits 30+? I have read that my sex drive is "supposed" to start to slow down as hers starts to increase. And this can be something that hurts the sexual aspect of the marriage, and lead to problems because she is now ready for sex and I would not be so inclined. 

I am 30 and she will be 28 in February.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yes, for many women the libido increases in their 30's. My husband is in his mid 40's and his sex drive has never declined. I'm not quite sure how he handled the lack of sex while my drive was low. I feel horrible for not meeting his needs in the past. He has always met mine. I had no idea how important it was to him until I started reading articles on the Internet. I have a wonderful and very patient husband. From now on I will make sure I fulfill his needs always. 

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Hope1964 said:


> It sure did for me. The wake up call for us was when he cheated. After that we discovered that we really do want to be together, after just going through the motions for a few years prior. now I lust after my husband all the time, and it's gone past the hysterical bonding phase.


Although cheating is very wrong (I AM NOT CONDONING IT- so please do not jump on me) , but jealously can MOVE your hormones and emotions terribly... it is very unfortunate that this CAN restart the sexual lust, but it happens..for some. NOT all of coarse... I do not feel this would work for MY husband at all - to turn up this drive, if he lost it & I had a fling with another man. He would be totally devestated & feel like dying, he would never be the same. But I DO feel it would work for me. I would be livid & want to hurt him but at the same time -turned on and insanely jealous, wanting to win his passions back to me. But of coarse this is all speculation -we have never walked in these shoes. 

In one of my books about reconnecing sexually with our spouses, it sites men who have grown bored with their wives, lost the spark... what got it back in spades.... another man WANTED her, she fell, and his learning of her passion with another, although it ATE him alive, it turned him on at the same time, his passion back to her. 

Married couples should never let it go this far of coarse, but if it does, heck, if it can lead you back to each other, then let it do it's magic, don't throw it all away..... Like Hope's example here. 

I recommend this book for married couples who want to get the spark back, get the hormones rising again for one another, keeping it all at home... (a little healthy jealousy is discussed in this book- without going outside of the marriage --why, because it works!)

http://www.amazon.com/Kosher-Adulte...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1321105162&sr=1-1


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## zpac (Nov 9, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> The key is to never stop dating. Be romantic. Be playfull. Stay emotionally connected. And re: BJs...I was waaay more into that after marriage than before.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Never stop dating? What a nightmare that would be for the man. Basicly the man has to endlessly pursue and romance, always take every initiative and put in all the effort... because that's what the dating period usually is like and if that never stops then that must suck.


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## zpac (Nov 9, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Men also stop wooing women after they say "i do". It's not very sexy to see your husband sitting there scratching his ass in the morning :lol:
> 
> I don't think it's a trick, I think it's a breakdown of 'romance'.
> 
> We've never lost our sex drive. There was a time I physically couldn't have sex for long periods of time because of female issues and horrendous pain, but after surgery, that was resolved.


Women don't woo men at all though. And men still want sex.

If women genuinly did like sex as much as men then men wouldn't have to woo, romance and pursue you and put in work to get sex.

It's just an exchange. Man woo's and pursues(in other words boosts your ego) and you give sex in return. 

No wooing or pursuing by the man = no sex.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

zpac said:


> Women don't woo men at all though. And men still want sex.
> 
> If women genuinly did like sex as much as men then men wouldn't have to woo, romance and pursue you and put in work to get sex.
> 
> ...



What's up with the generalizations? Women DO woo men. My husband doesn't woo often because he's TIRED...working 5 twelve hour days sucks energy.

So last night, I had dinner ready, and was wearing a dress with heels...underneath was my bustier, garter belt, stockings and a thong...all in his favorite red/black colors. I did my hair and makeup to look very pinup-ish...and we had an awesome night  Tonight, he's taking me karaoke-ing  It goes both ways. We still date. It's fun!  I can't wait to get dressed up for him and go out.

Was that not wooing though, what I did? Please. Stop generalizing women to be these creatures that only take take take. If that's all you know, then you know the wrong women.


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## justsumchik (Oct 7, 2011)

Seriously! My husband is the one who has always wanted to continue dating. I'm content to stay home but he enjoys going out on the town. It's not to 'earn' sex, but to have fun together. What a weird way to look at relationships!


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## zpac (Nov 9, 2011)

justsumchik said:


> Seriously! My husband is the one who has always wanted to continue dating. I'm content to stay home but he enjoys going out on the town. It's not to 'earn' sex, but to have fun together. What a weird way to look at relationships!


Offcourse it would be better if men didn't have to work and pursue to "earn" sex from their wives, but the fact of the matter that's the way it is.


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## justsumchik (Oct 7, 2011)

Not at my house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

There are plenty of "Women Wooers" on this forum. ANd plenty of men who haven't have that experience-very unfortunately. Each and every story is valid, but yeah, best to not throw us all into a box, cause we will have to come out & do some correcting, telling you it just isn't so!


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

that_girl said:


> What's up with the generalizations? Women DO woo men. My husband doesn't woo often because he's TIRED...working 5 twelve hour days sucks energy.
> 
> So last night, I had dinner ready, and was wearing a dress with heels...underneath was my bustier, garter belt, stockings and a thong...all in his favorite red/black colors. I did my hair and makeup to look very pinup-ish...and we had an awesome night  Tonight, he's taking me karaoke-ing  It goes both ways. We still date. It's fun!  I can't wait to get dressed up for him and go out.
> 
> Was that not wooing though, what I did? Please. Stop generalizing women to be these creatures that only take take take. If that's all you know, then you know the wrong women.


For every one wife who is like you and does this, there are 99 who think it's their job just to be pursued, and think that making any effort to woo their man is "not in their job description".


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## justsumchik (Oct 7, 2011)

How many wives have you had to base this statistic on? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

Before I got married, it wasn't a trick to have sex with my boyfriend to get or keep him. It really was just something I did. There was not purpose in it for me. My view on sex really hasn't changed. To be honest, if I had known that sex is a NEED for a man as much as it is, I probably wouldn't have gotten married. Not really a need that I'm responsible for fulfilling to keep him from cheating, but gotta do it.


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