# Together since high school-now what?



## confusedwhat2do (Nov 15, 2013)

_My husband and I have been together since we were teens. We pretty much have grown up together. We have found ourselves together and we have a mostly happy life together. I love him to pieces and and the feeling seems to be mutual. As of late the feelings have been tested a few times over and over and I feel like we are at a fork in our journey as a couple. I am finding out things about him that is making me feel queasy to know him. I recently found out that he is looking at websites that show pictures of teens (18 but looks younger) in bikinis and provocative clothing. Don't get me wrong I am ok with porn when it is a fully mature woman who has made a choice that it is ok for men to wank off to that but not when it is an (possibly) innocent teen who was just posting pictures on Facebook for her friends to see. I was sexually molested as a young child/teen so this has always been something that I have been strongly against since before we got together. We have been looking into getting a therapist to try to work things out or to try and mediate our discussions. This along with other issues have me thinking is it even worth the fight anymore. He has been consistently making me distrust him more and more over the last couple of years and what is a relationship without trust? At this point I don't know if it worth trying to work it out or if it is time to go our own ways. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did it work out for you?​_


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## confusedwhat2do (Nov 15, 2013)

I would love to here a (few?) gentlemens perspective on this as well.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Well... there are probably a number of issues involved to consider...

The one that you mention specifically, him interested in porn or pornographic-like material involving legal teenagers is likely mostly just a matter of opinion. I mean, porn that involves "Barely legal teens!" is incredibly popular and it's not unusual in the slightest for most men to enjoy that. (again, as long as they are of legal age) If you are ok with porn in general, then I don't see how this type of perfectly legal porn should be a problem, but again that's a personal opinion.

One thing that bugs me though is the fact that you said that they look younger, that they are fully clothed (even if in swimwear or dressed provocatively), and you indicate that it sounds like the girls in the photo might be unaware of the photos being posted online to those types of sites. There are sites out there for people who are essentially pedophiles, sexually attracted to children, but in order to avoid breaking the law, they view images of younger girls (or boys) who are not actually naked. It's certainly somewhat disturbing I'm sure, and if that is what is going on here, then it's something you need to talk to him about. (Starting with asking him directly if he is sexually attracted to underage girls, say under age 16 to be safe)

How old are you both? You mention growing up together and such, but I'm just curious how long have you been dating, married, etc, as that is very relevant information. Do you have children? What kind of things has he been doing to make you distrust him more and more over the years? How much progress have you both made on finding and meeting with a marriage therapist?


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## confusedwhat2do (Nov 15, 2013)

cdbaker said:


> How old are you both? You mention growing up together and such, but I'm just curious how long have you been dating, married, etc, as that is very relevant information. Do you have children? What kind of things has he been doing to make you distrust him more and more over the years? How much progress have you both made on finding and meeting with a marriage therapist?


 We have been together for almost 15 years. We have been married for 11 years. We met when we were 16. I am 31 years old and he is as well. Yes we have children. He has been hurting one of the kids and lying about it. He takes meds for anger issues and when he ran out of the meds he didn't tell me about it until he was pushing the child against the wall. I found out about it after this had all happened. We are supposed to be a team. I am supposed to know when he needs some help; if he needs more meds or whatever. I have called several different therapists today. The issue about the "porn" is the most recent and we decided to go down the rout of therapy. Thanks for the reply.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

That info definitely helps with a slightly clearer picture.

I don't want to condemn anyone too quick for maybe getting a little stern while trying to discipline their child. Maybe he got a little rough, but unless it's a regular ongoing issue or it goes so far as to require medical attention, I hesitate to say that it's an obvious issue. Of course, we weren't there, you were, so what do we know...

What kind of medications is he on? Has he ever been physically abusive? Have either of you ever cheated/engaged in an affair, whether an emotional affair or physical? How is your sex life? Are you both pretty active with each other sexually, and is it decent?


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