# Married for 6 years & need help keeping it



## JermainB20

Hello to everyone on this forum.
I have been married for a little over six years, had 1 child but my marriage is in trouble. Just a brief description of the problem:

Since last year I notice my wife was constantly communicating with a "Pastor" on her Job. I thought it was way too frequent for anyone to be talking to a "pastor" that much. By frequent I mean sometimes 8 calls a day along with hundreds of text messages per month. To me that was a very unhealthy counseling. I spoke to my wife on several occassions and I even called the "pastor" and ask him not to call my wife. To add to that, the "pastor" never once tell her to bring her husband in so we could all have a discussion. This went on for quite some time until now the "pastors" wife is harrassing my wife and calling our home. I got the call from his wife and like an idiot I blew up at my wife, but this lady was claiming that my wife and her husband, the "pastor" has been secretly meeting near my mother-in-laws house.

Currently my wife hates my guts because of the way I reacted to the call ie taking the lady's word as gospel. Our marriage is on the rocks and all my wife can see is anger at me and she won't take any responsibility for what happened.

I want to keep our marriage together but don't know how. I have been praying, but I need some advice on how to approach this matter. Every time I try speaking to my wife she just gets angry.


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## draconis

JermainB20 said:


> Hello to everyone on this forum.
> I have been married for a little over six years, had 1 child but my marriage is in trouble. Just a brief description of the problem:
> 
> Since last year I notice my wife was constantly communicating with a "Pastor" on her Job. I thought it was way too frequent for anyone to be talking to a "pastor" that much. By frequent I mean sometimes 8 calls a day along with hundreds of text messages per month. To me that was a very unhealthy counseling. I spoke to my wife on several occassions and I even called the "pastor" and ask him not to call my wife. To add to that, the "pastor" never once tell her to bring her husband in so we could all have a discussion. This went on for quite some time until now the "pastors" wife is harrassing my wife and calling our home. I got the call from his wife and like an idiot I blew up at my wife, but this lady was claiming that my wife and her husband, the "pastor" has been secretly meeting near my mother-in-laws house.
> 
> Currently my wife hates my guts because of the way I reacted to the call ie taking the lady's word as gospel. Our marriage is on the rocks and all my wife can see is anger at me and she won't take any responsibility for what happened.
> 
> I want to keep our marriage together but don't know how. I have been praying, but I need some advice on how to approach this matter. Every time I try speaking to my wife she just gets angry.



Call the phone company and ask for a print out of the text messages. Most will do that and you can find out where you really stand.

draconis


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## hurgoll

I didn't know that!! Do they really keep that kind of records? That seems like an invasion of some kind.

I also had the same kind of problems with my first wife and a "pastor" that keep wanting to talk with her and said that I could not go to her church and that we should not get married because I was not of her church. I learned those guys are nothing but users.


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## draconis

hurgoll said:


> I didn't know that!! Do they really keep that kind of records? That seems like an invasion of some kind.
> 
> I also had the same kind of problems with my first wife and a "pastor" that keep wanting to talk with her and said that I could not go to her church and that we should not get married because I was not of her church. I learned those guys are nothing but users.


Yes they do keep records on all phones of every text, incoming and outgoing call. If you are on the bill you can request it. They do no have to hand over the documents to you. Also, interne providers keep logs of every page viewed. This became law with the Patriot Act 2001. They can be ordered by law enforcement to had over the records if the proper proceeders are followed.

As far as the text thing goes some of my friends have requested theirs for gigles but they charge you by the page.

draconis


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## berlinlife06

Wow! That would be interesting to have. I would say don´t get mad yet, but research and find out the reality of where you stand. It´s a hard thing!


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## Liza

I don't want to assume anything, but she sounds guilty. I guess you can let it rest for a while until things calm down a bit. You could also write her a letter telling her how you feel, asking questions you want answers to, she can't shout at the letter. Try not to accuse, you can even apologise for taking the pastor's wife word before speaking to her and see how that goes.


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## SageMother

One of my sons caught his wife cheating by getting her cell phone records. 

Luckily, his name was on the account as well. I think you have to be on the account to get those records, though. They compan y is supposed to protect your privacy.


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## A Good Husband

This is a tough situation. I hope that it doesn't spoil religion for you.

If your wife won't talk about it, I would second the heartfelt handwritten letter explaining in detail why you're worried and how it hurts your feelings. 

Then be prepared for one really long discussion and to do a lot of listening without judging.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.


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