# Best to worst don’t know what to do



## Epw941 (Jan 9, 2022)

So I’ll be 31 this year, my wife and myself have been together since high school. We had a little bit of an rocky start to the relationship but we have been married 6 years and it seemed nothing could be better. I accepted a great job opportunity with the potential to keep us set for life. That being said we have 2 children one 4 and the other 14. And my wife has a good job as a nurse. The job had me traveling 2 weeks working and 2 weeks off at home. I told her at the beginning at any point this isn’t working for you or the kids to tell me and I would be home. Anyone that knows we will tell you my family is the most important thing in my life. However 3-4 months after starting my job and everything going great for me, she takes our daughter to the city pool where she meets a single dad and his kid by chance. Long story short she instigated a conversation over Facebook which lead into a 3 month affair. I found out just by pure luck via a pet camera caught a conversation of them on the phone. I confront her over the phone she admits everything. 8 hours later I arrive at her work we talk some more in the parking lot we go home together. That was October, we have been to counseling. We have talked and cried. We have taken multiple trips since then to reconnect. She said she felt like a single parent while I was gone. She said it has never happened before. She swears it will never happen again. But I can’t help but feel like if our love was as strong as I thought it was this couldn’t have happened. And I mean I thought we had literally the best marriage I had ever known. I love my wife but how is a husband supposed to just forget about it. Never once did I ever fear of her cheating until it did, now that’s all that consumes me. How can a woman look you in the eyes, kiss you, tell you they love you and less than 48 hours later be meeting up with there lover. Can there really be love in a person like that. That day I feel like I lost my wife-soulmate-and best friend all in the same moment. Anyone have a similar story and did it work out or not.


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

Sorry you are here. You will get some good advice from more experienced posters soon. Once lost, trust is very hard to re-establish. Take care of your health. Eat well and avoid alcohol. Realize that at this point her words don't carry much weight. Watch her actions. To me, one of the biggest issues you face is you had the discussion with her in advance, and she still chose an affair over talking to you. You also had to catch her. She did not confess on her own. I see no reason to believe she would not do this again. I would suggest that you do not commit to R or D right now. Tell her to supply a handwritten timeline of the affair, and that it will be verified by a polygraph. Tell her that since she broke the marriage she needs to convince you that you should stay married to her. Consult a lawyer so you know what a divorce might look like. Get tested for STDs and make her do the same.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

How old is your wife, and is the 14yo kid yours? What do you mean by rocky start?


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## Epw941 (Jan 9, 2022)

DudeInProgress said:


> How old is your wife, and is the 14yo kid yours? What do you mean by rocky start?


31 and no but I’ve been apart of his life since he was 3 so I’m the only dad he has known and have always treated him like he was my own


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## Epw941 (Jan 9, 2022)

QuietGuy said:


> Sorry you are here. You will get some good advice from more experienced posters soon. Once lost, trust is very hard to re-establish. Take care of your health. Eat well and avoid alcohol. Realize that at this point her words don't carry much weight. Watch her actions. To me, one of the biggest issues you face is you had the discussion with her in advance, and she still chose an affair over talking to you. You also had to catch her. She did not confess on her own. I see no reason to believe she would not do this again. I would suggest that you do not commit to R or D right now. Tell her to supply a handwritten timeline of the affair, and that it will be verified by a polygraph. Tell her that since she broke the marriage she needs to convince you that you should stay married to her. Consult a lawyer so you know what a divorce might look like. Get tested for STDs and make her do the same.


R or D please explain further


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

That means is your goal reconciliation or divorce.

Please don't quote full posts it makes the forum very difficult to read especially on mobile phones.

Your wife is remorseful and full of shame _only because she got caught_. Think about it- if you hadn't seen that camera video, the affair would still be going on. It's not like she came to you and confessed on her own volition, that would be a completely different situation.


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

Reconcile or divorce


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I can't fathom today's men and their struggles when betrayed by their partner. How can you be thinking of anything with this woman when you know that another man was ****ing her, that he has his penis inside her? how can you think that you can have sex with her again? Moreover, you loving her has nothing to do with your situation. Think about your pride, your dignity, your self respect. She can tell mass as justification for all I care, but the fact is the she betrayed you with another man. Time to say NEXT. It will never be the same, so you'll be better anew with a woman that has not done what she did to you.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Epw941 said:


> 31 and no but I’ve been apart of his life since he was 3 so I’m the only dad he has known and have always treated him like he was my own


So basically you white-knighted a single mom, taking in her child as your own and providing her stability and comfort. 
And she then turned around and betrayed you when she started feeling lonely/bored (which is a ******** blame shifting technique by the way) and found a hotter guy to play with.

What has she done to sacrifice and EARN a chance at reconciliation with you? 
What consequences have you put in place? 
What boundaries have you put in place with her? 
How long did you kick her out of your bedroom? 
How long was it before you agreed to take her back and continue in your marriage?


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

Her tears are likely for herself because she got caught. It is unlikely that she understands the depth of the pain she has inflicted. Tell her you think you need to do a paternity test on the 4 year old. It is now a legitimate concern and it will help drive home the seriousness of the situation. I also agree with the suggestion to move her out of the bedroom.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

it is impossible to figure out if reconcilliation with her will work, or not. we are not mind readers. the REASON she felt she had to do this other man would be a big data point you need to figure out.

what is pretty obvious....being away from home for two weeks at a time is too much temptation for her. sorry, but if the reconciliation is going to work, you might have to find another job.

Does she have local family? Maybe you could call on them to help you figure this out? Maybe one of them could check on her while you are out of town. Maybe her mom would want to see the marriage succeed, and would act like a cop to keep the daughter in-line?

if you do want to keep the job, random Private Investigator surveilance might work. Let her know she will be watched, at random times.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Seeing as how you outed her vs her confessing on her own, I don't think the odds of survival are good. If you ever trust her again, it will be years from now. Rough road ahead either way. Good luck


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Just so you don’t blame this on your job I will offer you the following:

I met my wife at 13

I work as a subsea engineer in the offshore drilling industry. My job puts me on the other side of the earth from my wife for 55% of the year. While it is indeed difficult at times it doesn’t mean that either of you should use to the advantage of making cheating easier. I’ve had countless overseas women aggressively hitting on me and my wife is an attractive woman and gets her share of attention. Both of us chose each other and NOT to take advantage of easy infidelity. In the case of your wife she cheated .... that is a choice... not the consequence of your job.

In summary: If you have to choose jobs in light of your partner’s ability to cheat then the problem isn’t the job.

One more thing: It sure didn’t take her long to run off once she had the chance... that says a lot in itself.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Your biggest problem is that you found out about her affair accidentally, she would still be involved with her boyfriend if you hadn’t discovered her cheating. 
She is not to be trusted.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Epw941 said:


> The job had me traveling 2 weeks working and 2 weeks off at home. However 3-4 months after starting my job and everything going great for me, she takes our daughter to the city pool where she meets a single dad and his kid by chance. Long story short *she instigated a conversation over Facebook which lead into a 3 month affair*. I found out just by pure luck via a pet camera caught a conversation of them on the phone. I confront her over the phone she admits everything. 8 hours later I arrive at her work we talk some more in the parking lot we go home together. That was October, we have been to counseling. We have talked and cried. We have taken multiple trips since then to reconnect.* She said she felt like a single parent while I was gone*. *She said it has never happened before. She swears it will never happen again*. But I can’t help but feel like if our love was as strong as I thought it was this couldn’t have happened. And I mean I thought we had literally the best marriage I had ever known. I love my wife but how is a husband supposed to just forget about it. Never once did I ever fear of her cheating until it did, now that’s all that consumes me. *How can a woman look you in the eyes, kiss you, tell you they love you and less than 48 hours later be meeting up with there lover. Can there really be love in a person like that.* That day I feel like I lost my wife-soulmate-and best friend all in the same moment. Anyone have a similar story and did it work out or not.


1. SHE started the affair, and it wasn't long after you started working away from home. When you were away two weeks did she know there was no way you were going to be home for that time? Does she still have a FB account? If so why is that allowed?

2. SHE felt like a single parent while you are away. And it didn't take long for her to adopt a single lifestyle ( which she had before you met her ). She had plenty of practice.

3. SHE says it never happened before and wont happen again. Seriously? You believe her? What would you expect a cheater to say? They lie about everything and the only things they own up to is what you already know. She is a nurse? Does she have any "work husbands"? The healthcare industry is legend for the hookups that happen at work with coworkers and superiors. Long hours in close proximity.

4 Just read some of the threads on here and you will see a woman ( or man ) with a cheating mentality has no problem doing another on a regular basis while keeping their marriage going at the same time. There was an old song "What does Love have to do with it?" that pretty much explains it. The illicit sneaking sex is such a high for them it is like a drug. There have been threads on here where a wife was doing multiple men at the same time sleeping with their husband of more than a decade. No problem for them at all. One didn't even know who the father of the twins she became pregnant with was. She had to have them DNA tested to find out. And her husband stayed with her!?!

Just a question. She had a 3-year old when you married her. You were a convenient father for the child and a refuge for her. What was her REAL history? Not the one she told you but the REAL story? Did you ever talk to her ex?

Contact her "single dad" (that is what your "wife" says) lover! Ask HIM how things went down. I bet the stories are different. It wouldn't surprise me if she has been cheating since you laid eyes on her.

Get an STD panel and make her get one before you have sex with her again. Are you sure the 4 year-old is yours? As in does the child resemble you? 

Sorry, but to answer your last question likelihood of recovering a happy relationship is pretty small IMO. Just think about what will be going through your head wondering what the OM and her did, where his hands have been. What she did with him that she will never do with you (hint A LOT!). Every time you go to work, you will be wondering who she is off to be with. Everytime you are in bed with her, you will be imagining the OM on top of her. At your young age, IMO you should just accept that the woman you married wasn't who you thought she was. She deceived you from the beginning. Cut your loses and expend your energies finding someone else instead of trying to renovate a wreck.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

I worked your schedule for 4 years OP. Your story is not uncommon. Seen it many times. Seen some otherwise tough men reduced to a blubbering mess over it. She's shown you what she is.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Tested_by_stress said:


> I worked your schedule for 4 years OP. Your story is not uncommon. Seen it many times. Seen some otherwise tough men reduced to a blubbering mess over it. She's shown you what she is.


In certain industry where man is gone for sure two weeks, no way of coming home unexpected, lot of women alternated between hubby and AP on regular basis. Impossible for the hubby to surprise their coupling with the AP. Military is also rife with infidelity on both ends. Adults used to intimacy have a tough time being away from it for very long.

I think there are careers that are inconsistent with being married. And a married person should stay away from those careers. In my youth, sailors were expected to have a girl in every port.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

QuietGuy said:


> Tell her to supply a handwritten timeline of the affair, and that it will be* verified by a polygraph. *Tell her that since she broke the marriage she needs to convince you that you should stay married to her. Consult a lawyer so you know what a divorce might look like. Get tested for STDs and make her do the same.


i kind of like this idea.
she said it was her first affair, and was short lived.

IF she lied, and had multiple affairs, or she seduced him, or there was other evidence she was trickle truthing you...then reconciliation would probably never work.

IF she just was massively horny....and made this one mistake, it MIGHT indicate R would be worth a try. The incentive for you is you do not have to quite your new good job, and this kid who is 14 that you like does not have to go thru the gauntlet of losing the only dad he has ever known.

She has to be truthful thru all this, and she has to do some really heavy lifting to prove she is worth the trouble. And oh boy, the sex had better be stellar too!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> or* she seduced him*, or there was other evidence she was trickle truthing you...then *reconciliation would probably never work.*


She TOLD OP she instigated the affair! What percent of attempted reconciliations succeed? Single digit percentages? Have seen several threads where the BS THOUGHT they had succeeded, only to find out the WS had continued on with their ways for years more. Or discovered another undisclosed affair in the past. Discovered the entire marriage was a sham.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> She TOLD OP *she instigated the affair!* What percent of attempted reconciliations succeed? Single digit percentages? Have seen several threads where the BS THOUGHT they had succeeded, only to find out the WS had continued on with their ways for years more. Or discovered another undisclosed affair in the past. Discovered the entire marriage was a sham.


good point!
Still, before throwing the marriage away, i would want to know why she did it. Was she just horny, or was more going on...maybe something that could be fixed in R.

maybe we should list the traits of a cheating spouse who HAS put in the effort to reconcile and never do it again? That would help in his decision--does she have those traits.

not ALL reconciliations fail


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> good point!
> Still, before throwing the marriage away, i would want to know why she did it. Was she just horny, or was more going on...maybe something that could be fixed in R.
> 
> maybe we should list the traits of a cheating spouse who HAS put in the effort to reconcile and never do it again? That would help in his decision--does she have those traits.
> ...


I have read TWO threads on here where R succeeded longterm. The WS did the heavy lifting in both cases.

She cheated because she WANTED to feel another man’s penis inside of her, feel an orgasm with strange man. Simple as that, no need to investigate further. And I will bet she had a lot of experience to draw on. Lets see, she had a kid 14 years ago and she is 30+- so active at age 16. Maybe abuse survivor from childhood, damaged psyche. Not a good candidate for fauthful ltr.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

You took a job on the road, told her you would come back if the situation wasn’t working for her, she instigated an affair with pool buddy while you were out on the road away from and providing for the family you cherish, you busted her, she didn’t confess. Do you think you can ever trust her again? Do you like your job? Will quitting your job so you can keep closer tabs on your adulterous wife cause resentment for you? These are just some of the issues and questions you must deal with.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

To start, she should write out a timeline of her affair (where, when, what they did and topics of conversation, and how she felt afterward) - all subject to a polygraph test. The timeline changes her affair (in her mind) from a harmless romantic tryst into a huge deceitful betrayal. Facing a polygraph also tends to discourage lying.

How do you know that the OM was single? You need to verify yourself that he's single and not living with someone.

IMO the affair happened unusually quickly from just a random spontaneous chat in the park (while the kids played). 
Therefore, it also makes me suspicious that he's a guy from her past; or they met earlier online prior to meeting face to face.

I've seen worse and the couples stayed married - but the cheater had to take the initiative and develop & implement a plan to fix themselves and rebuild trust.

She's destroyed your trust and now you can't believe anything she says. Tears, self hate, promises - are all just empty words and provide no assurance that she won't repeat again the next time someone makes her feel single.

Other than tears and promises, what has your wife done to make herself a safe partner for you?
And what has she done to rebuild your trust?

If you can't answer, then she's not yet a good candidate for reconciling.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Epw941 said:


> However 3-4 months after starting my job and everything going great for me, she takes our daughter to the city pool where she meets a single dad and his kid by chance. Long story short she instigated a conversation over Facebook which lead into a 3 month affair.


Ok @Epw941, 3-4 months you started your new job and she started to betray you, that's very telling!



Epw941 said:


> I confront her over the phone she admits everything. 8 hours later I arrive at her work we talk some more in the parking lot we go home together. That was October, we have been to counseling. We have talked and cried. We have taken multiple trips since then to reconnect.


Now here is your problem, no consequences and you started to take trips and rug sweep her affair. Not good at all.
Why are you so disparate?
That's not attractive to her or any other woman!



Epw941 said:


> Can there really be love in a person like that. That day I feel like I lost my wife-soulmate-and best friend all in the same moment. Anyone have a similar story and did it work out or not.


What's love got to do with it?!
Men think rationally, that's how we are wired naturally, once that's gone, and start thinking emotionally, your life becomes empty and meaningless!!

Before you start asking these questions, I would like YOU to be honest and answer these questions?
What is a deal breaker for you?
You must have some kind of a value system and morals you live by, correct? so what is the deal breaker for you?
You wife up a single Mom while you were single with no kids, was she the only one you had a relationship with? couldn't you do any better?

You seem a very disparate man with very low self esteem for you to go to trips and reconnect with someone who betrayed you in just 4 months since you started a new job, she threw you and every thing you did for her and her child under the bus pretty quickly, did you think about that?

Don't be upset, people here have experience and went through worse, so they are showing you some tough love!

So how will you get yourself respect and dignity back?
What's you plan?!


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> Maybe one of them could check on her while you are out of town. Maybe her mom would want to see the marriage succeed, and would act like a cop to keep the daughter in-line?
> 
> if you do want to keep the job, random Private Investigator surveilance might work. Let her know she will be watched, at random times.


If I knew I could not trust someone to the point I had to police them and ask others to, I'd be done. What could she possibly offer that makes a relationship with her worth all of that? 

And, she'd probably still find a way to cheat anyway. 

STD test, paternity test, lawyer.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Epw941 said:


> 31 and no but I’ve been apart of his life since he was 3 so I’m the only dad he has known and have always treated him like he was my own


Can you explain your family a little? You said you have been together since HS and you are 31. The 14 year old was born when you were 17. I assume your wife is about the same age since you met in HS. However, you say you have been in his life since he was 3, so her being about 20 and out of HS. Something isn't adding up. Did she cheat on you in HS?

None of this may really matter, but some background would help.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Another question is where were the two little kids while your “wife” and her lover were diddling one another? Were wife n OM at your home doing it in your bed? While your 4 year old asleep at night.

And how long you are gone for work makes no difference. Coupling takes very few minutes. And about anywhere will do. H3ll when was working couple at work were caught doing it in change room during shift. Security camera timed entire engagement at 2minutes 40 seconds, entry to exit.

You cant trust her period. For no amount of time. Where does her OM live n work? Are u sure they arent still meeting up?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Sorry but, gross.

Her "reason" for having an affair has exposed her true moral character. She a dud of a wife and she has betrayed you in a horrible way. 

If I were in your shoes I would terminate the relationship.

In time you will find a good partner with better character.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Livvie said:


> In time you will find a good partner with better character.


It should very easy and not long to find better than bottom of the barrel.

Hopefully you have already seen an attorney to draw up the paperwork to formalize ending the “marriage” SHE trashed without consulting you.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Epw941 said:


> So I’ll be 31 this year, my wife and myself have been together since high school. We had a little bit of an rocky start to the relationship but we have been married 6 years and it seemed nothing could be better. I accepted a great job opportunity with the potential to keep us set for life. That being said we have 2 children one 4 and the other 14. And my wife has a good job as a nurse. The job had me traveling 2 weeks working and 2 weeks off at home. I told her at the beginning at any point this isn’t working for you or the kids to tell me and I would be home. Anyone that knows we will tell you my family is the most important thing in my life. However 3-4 months after starting my job and everything going great for me, she takes our daughter to the city pool where she meets a single dad and his kid by chance. Long story short she instigated a conversation over Facebook which lead into a 3 month affair. I found out just by pure luck via a pet camera caught a conversation of them on the phone. I confront her over the phone she admits everything. 8 hours later I arrive at her work we talk some more in the parking lot we go home together. That was October, we have been to counseling. We have talked and cried. We have taken multiple trips since then to reconnect. She said she felt like a single parent while I was gone. She said it has never happened before. She swears it will never happen again. But I can’t help but feel like if our love was as strong as I thought it was this couldn’t have happened. And I mean I thought we had literally the best marriage I had ever known. I love my wife but how is a husband supposed to just forget about it. Never once did I ever fear of her cheating until it did, now that’s all that consumes me. How can a woman look you in the eyes, kiss you, tell you they love you and less than 48 hours later be meeting up with there lover. Can there really be love in a person like that. That day I feel like I lost my wife-soulmate-and best friend all in the same moment. Anyone have a similar story and did it work out or not.


I'm pretty bad and don' follow all the rules, but I know if I was having an affair, no matter how hard I tried to hide it, my wife would know in an instant. I don't have that ability to act and be normal while completely living a double life. Some people can; your wife can. To me, to be married to someone like that would be a hard pass cause if she's capable of that, she's capable of a whole lot more.


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## Defhero (Jan 5, 2022)

Rob_1 said:


> I can't fathom today's men and their struggles when betrayed by their partner. How can you be thinking of anything with this woman when you know that another man was ****ing her, that he has his penis inside her? how can you think that you can have sex with her again? Moreover, you loving her has nothing to do with your situation. Think about your pride, your dignity, your self respect. She can tell mass as justification for all I care, but the fact is the she betrayed you with another man. Time to say NEXT. It will never be the same, so you'll be better anew with a woman that has not done what she did to you.


Agree, it was all about respect and now she lost that. 
I had told my wife from the beginning and still to today, if she cheats even 1 time, it is over for me, as I could never be back inside her there after. I tell he I do not own her, so if she has that urge if ever presented, then please leave me. Even though it will hurt, it won't hurt as much as being cheated on. 15 years now and I know my wife loves me and still desires me.


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## truststone (8 mo ago)

Epw941 said:


> So I’ll be 31 this year, my wife and myself have been together since high school. We had a little bit of an rocky start to the relationship but we have been married 6 years and it seemed nothing could be better. I accepted a great job opportunity with the potential to keep us set for life. That being said we have 2 children one 4 and the other 14. And my wife has a good job as a nurse. The job had me traveling 2 weeks working and 2 weeks off at home. I told her at the beginning at any point this isn’t working for you or the kids to tell me and I would be home. Anyone that knows we will tell you my family is the most important thing in my life. However 3-4 months after starting my job and everything going great for me, she takes our daughter to the city pool where she meets a single dad and his kid by chance. Long story short she instigated a conversation over Facebook which lead into a 3 month affair. I found out just by pure luck via a pet camera caught a conversation of them on the phone. I confront her over the phone she admits everything. 8 hours later I arrive at her work we talk some more in the parking lot we go home together. That was October, we have been to counseling. We have talked and cried. We have taken multiple trips since then to reconnect. She said she felt like a single parent while I was gone. She said it has never happened before. She swears it will never happen again. But I can’t help but feel like if our love was as strong as I thought it was this couldn’t have happened. And I mean I thought we had literally the best marriage I had ever known. I love my wife but how is a husband supposed to just forget about it. Never once did I ever fear of her cheating until it did, now that’s all that consumes me. How can a woman look you in the eyes, kiss you, tell you they love you and less than 48 hours later be meeting up with there lover. Can there really be love in a person like that. That day I feel like I lost my wife-soulmate-and best friend all in the same moment. Anyone have a similar story and did it work out or not.


unfortinately theres alot of women who just do that .. i won't get caught and if i do he wont leave . ill just tell him its a mistake and never happen again... c'mon marriage is team and sometmes theres sacrfices if one spouse is workig that doesnt justify cheating .... you stayed you got tricked truth only becuase youf ound out that's it. it stoped only becsue you caught her she didnt stop it because she was guilty and then blames you for it SMH i garantee you if you didnt you might of come home one day to divorce papers?? why did you compromise you r morals about cheating?? that's the probem with men today no bakbone when in comes to their morals all words that's why so many cheaters cheat and get of easy so why stop ???


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## truststone (8 mo ago)

Trident said:


> That means is your goal reconciliation or divorce.
> 
> Please don't quote full posts it makes the forum very difficult to read especially on mobile phones.
> 
> Your wife is remorseful and full of shame _only because she got caught_. Think about it- if you hadn't seen that camera video, the affair would still be going on. It's not like she came to you and confessed on her own volition, that would be a completely different situation.


dead on .. look how easily it was for her to cheat and she was the one who pursued it not him SMH and your still together ,please explain that ? if you say you love her then you love a cheater and expect to accept the baggage that comes with cheaters that cheat so easily and dont value marriage like their spouse


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## truststone (8 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> good point!
> Still, before throwing the marriage away, i would want to know why she did it. Was she just horny, or was more going on...maybe something that could be fixed in R.
> 
> maybe we should list the traits of a cheating spouse who HAS put in the effort to reconcile and never do it again? That would help in his decision--does she have those traits.
> ...


one fatal eror your asking a cheater and liar


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## truststone (8 mo ago)

Robert22205 said:


> To start, she should write out a timeline of her affair (where, when, what they did and topics of conversation, and how she felt afterward) - all subject to a polygraph test. The timeline changes her affair (in her mind) from a harmless romantic tryst into a huge deceitful betrayal. Facing a polygraph also tends to discourage lying.
> 
> How do you know that the OM was single? You need to verify yourself that he's single and not living with someone.
> 
> ...


exactly !!!!


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## truststone (8 mo ago)

why havent you had her get a polygraph? why you th eone putting the effort? why dont you know all the facts? how can you reconcille if you dont know all these things . and you wont especially if you never get her to take a poly ? also why do you want to be with a cheater ??


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You jumped into counseling before thinking this through. The very first thing you should’ve done is figure out what you want. Infidelity is a life long gift. Can you live with it?
Everyone has pointed out the obvious. She’s sorry you caught her.
They all swear it was the first time and it’ll never happen again.
Repeated infidelity is not uncommon.
It does sound like you are a martyr. Must stay for the kids, etc. Kids grow up and won’t care about your martyrdom.
I’d bet you know the tip of this iceberg.
My advice. Get off the save your marriage at all cost BS and take a good hard look at everything.


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