# My anxiety/depression drove him away.



## bearkitten11 (Nov 15, 2011)

In Oct found my long-term boyfriend texting (inappropriately) with another woman.. both swear it was nothing.

From that point until January or so, I was angry! I didn't once stop and realize that I was having anxiety attacks (which I was having daily, all day long).. then into depression.. I thought this was all a normal reaction. In January, I just decided to let it all go.. and try to fix this. I bent over backwards trying my hardest to make things happy.. but it was too late.

He is mentally and physically exhausted now. He doesn't care if I'm here or gone. He is taking time to himself to get his mind together - which means no communication, no seeing one another. He says that he still does love me.. and just needs this time.

Other things have been piling onto him as well.. (a very expensive upcoming destination wedding where he is a groomsman), exhausting work environment, and worries over his family, and home. It's like he can't just let the small things roll off of his back anymore.. He is not the same person.. He is easily agitated.. used to be a positive thinker, and is now a glass half empty thinker.. 

I know my anxiety attacks, and my constant anger with him did not help it.. Dear God I wish I had someone there to say 'hey, stop..' but I didn't... and I didn't realize what I was doing..

He used to be such a happy person.. So sweet, loving, kind.. considerate.. funny - just a total love. 

I am struggling here. My heart is broken and I feel like a failure for letting him down. I don't know how to be "ok" with no communication whatsoever.. I feel like a wet cat clinging onto him for dear life - I'm terrified of losing this person in my life. I truly do love him and want to spend my life with him. 

He says he still loves me, but I don't know anymore. He says he needs rest/relaxation but then will spend time with his buddies late into the night - Well, I'm a logical woman.. if you need to rest then why on earth would you stay up late with friends? His reason is that he doesn't need to better himself for his friends.. & that being around his friends helps him. Maybe I am just foolish.. and wearing rose colored glasses.

I am heartbroken.. I don't know if I should accept that he is gone or wait until he is feeling better?


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Best to give him space and back off. Being clingy is unattractive, I know all about it. 

I wish I had the answers, as I have a walk away wife who I have hung in there with for 4 months of seperation and I have failed many times by putting her on a pedestal.

Be strong and look into the 180 for yourself.


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

he sounds like me, my wife has all but driven me away after a year and a half of marriage.

she has bad depression and we havent had sex in a year now. we are only 28. really sad. Has so much sadness/anger from her school days and its comingall out onto me. She has turned lazy and getting fat. I feel for both wifes/husbands with depression but im also starting to do what your husband is doing which is keep to myself and forget about her as she is the only one that can fix her illness. It is honestly no good the husband trying because he gets blamed for nagging or having a go at her.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

How did this go from him talking to another woman to this being YOUR problem?


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

like bearkitten11's husband.

i also started did innappropriate texting with a friend thats a girl.
my reason was becaus ei have had sex 5 times in 3 years and my depressed wife wont talk to me.

so i was reachig out for some/any kind of sexual activity. this was texting sexually but nothing was ever going to happen.


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## christmaslady (Dec 21, 2009)

I know how you feel. I too was like that and just now after two years of my ex being gone and I actually taking medication for my axiety/depression. It was spawned by the fact that he purchased an eternity ring and I am pretty sure it is not for me; although it looks like the ring we spoke of years ago. So if it is not for me, then I can only assume it is for the OW who is now The Woman. 

I know it is hard and I wish I had the answer, but as you can tell, I have held on and fought for a long time. It may be best that you guys are not speaking etc.; but if you are not in communication; how do you know what he is doing and with whom? I am a little bit confused. My and my ex communicated randomly throughout the time he has been gone (which was not a mutual or pleasant break up...I kicked him out because he was texting, calling and spending time with another woman etc. and lying about it). I never stopped loving him, I just wanted him to be somone he apparently isn't or can not be for me. Hard lessons to learn but we all must go through some rough times to appreciate the good times that much more. 

I am learning that one of the hardest things about being in love is when the person you love does not understand you and/or what you are going through.

Find yourself, love yourself...FIRST. Then worry about him.


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## marie 1508 (Sep 7, 2012)

Sounds like my sittuation. I feel like im driving him away also. Im so angry at the things he has said and done, but he also claims to love me and is trying his best to fix it. I can see his frustration though.....If I was you i wouldnt be blaming myself for the way he has made you feel. His actions caused pain. I also think that if you are not already getting help, maybe speak with your g.p. I struggle to sleep, i have pains in my chest. It's not easy but i'm hoping they will get my meds right and things will get easier. I also got a punch bag to help with being so frustrated. Maybe something like that could help you a little? If he genuinely loves u he will stick around. If not, it was not meant to be xx


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## EDCIJB (May 10, 2012)

My wife suffers from depression and anxiety. She wonders why things aren't like they used to be like when we first met. Living with someone with this condition does take a toll on a person. My wife is so tired she usually goes to bed pretty soon after I get home from work. It is like having a roommate more than a wife. I often wonder if I would be better off with someone else.


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## marie 1508 (Sep 7, 2012)

It saddens me to hear that. I think she probably finds it very hard too. I feel for you both. Don't forget the person she was and still could be. She is just poorly ans needs your support. Don't give up on her.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

He cheated on you. You shouldn't be trying to win him back, it should be the other way around. So, he can treat you badly because you're not perfect, cause you lots if emotional distress, and then walk out on you because you didn't handle his bad behavior well enough? Sounds like he thinks it's ok to chew you up and spit you out. Trust me on this -- he'll be back, but only if he thinks you are not available: so, file for divorce and go 180. You need time to build up your self again, so let him go. Maybe he will come back a better man. You can decide then if you want a future with him. However, if you try to pursue Hun, this will crumble and hurt worse.


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