# Ability to Move in a Joint Custody Arrangement



## neganagatime (Feb 10, 2012)

I have a question regarding agreement between divorced parents on a child’s education. As background: been divorced for 2.5 years and I have custody of our 2 children 50% of the time. That said, my ex-wife is legally the residential parent and thinks she has 100% say in all things related to their domicile. Our divorce decree states “The parties agree that the Mother will be named the residential custodial parent with minor children spending equal time with both parents as outlined below. Both parents shall have coparenting time with the children as set forth later herein. The parties further agree that for the purposes of residency for school enrollment the parties agree to use the Mother’s address. Any changes to current school enrollment shall be determined by both parties before any changes occur.” It later states that we should try to come to agreement on any dispute arising from things listed in the decree, and if that fails we first use a mediator and if we still can’t agree, we go to civil court. 

At any rate, my ex is now wanting to move to a different town in order to change jobs and work in a major city in the area. I also suspect this has something to do with living closer to or possibly with her boyfriend. I am ambivalent about this as I already work in the aforementioned city and have a long commute that'd be improved and the new town generally is considered to have better schools. At the same time she is taking the stance of not providing any info on where in this very large town she is looking at homes, when she plans to market her own home, etc. I’ve asked and she is very vague and takes a tone of “I’ll tell you when I decide” rather than letting me participate in the process. This has obvious implications for me as the town is large enough to have 2 school districts and 4 large high schools, and I don’t want to agree to something that makes me worse off in any way. During the divorce our house was underwater so I assumed the mortgage and she moved out. I later did a refi once it was at a break even value. If I had to sell it I’d be lucky to break even after commissions and fees, and it is a larger home and would be significantly more difficult to sell in our current town than the home she bought post divorce. 

My question is whether I have any legal grounds to stand if I insist on being included in this decision? Will a mediator or judge agree with me that I get an equal say in determining if she can move, and if so some say in where? I am ok with moving but it will be difficult for us to time it such that we both are in the same town at the same time. What happens if my house never sells? It would be difficult on me and the kids if we lived in separate towns. I sort of feel like she should not be able to move until I have a contract on my house but that might be too much to ask. 

Thanks for any insights.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

She can move wherever she wants. A mediator and judge will determine who gets primary physical custody if there's a reason the 50/50 split between time will no longer work, and will determine how the time will be split after the move. Any change in child support will also be adjusted by the judge at that time too. 

I'm smack dab in the middle of this myself.


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## neganagatime (Feb 10, 2012)

I was kind of afraid that might be the answer. She also talked about moving out of state some time back. Not sure if she'd do it but it'd be very difficult for me if she did. it seems really unfair ...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You need to talk to a local lawyer. She can't (most likely) move "wherever" she wants. Often, a court will allow a certain distance, and you'd get very little say as long as she stays in that area. You might get some say in a school district within reason, but you would have to go to a mediator or court if she doesn't listen. And it would be a crap shoot there.

How far away is this other town? And btw, your personal situation likely will have no bearing (with regards to trying to sell your house).

C


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

She has a right to live her life as she wants, pursue love and improve her career or other aspects of her life, same as you. I'm sure she has some guilt over it. Trust me, the guilt I feel for moving to be with my husband eats at me, but I have the right to make that choice. I should not be expected to never leave. Nor would her father be expected to were he to want to move. I'd be taking my daughter 1,700 miles from her family. However, in my case she doesn't want to live with her father. I feel more guilt about taking her away from her grandparents and cousins. 

This is the downside of divorce. At least you can move to be closer, even if not immediately. Having that as an option is great, and shows that you care a lot about your child.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Lawyer time for you. The language you provide seems a bit contradictory to me. On one hand her address is used for school enrollment but on the other it states you both have to agree on changes to school enrollment. Maybe the second part is language designed to protect you in situations like this. Get legal counsel and if you are protected, communicate this in writing (certified) with you ex in the hope that it avoids a bigger fight after she goes and does something that infringes on your rights.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

I agree with both VMS & Shoto. My sister is active duty military, my niece's father tried to have a "no moving" clause added to the court order. The judge denied it basically citing what VMS said; my sister has a right to improve herself & career in order to raise her child to the best of her ability.

So, you see, every situation is different. I would suggest talking with a lawyer to see what rights can be exercised. Another thing to keep in mind is that you are at the mercy of the judge every time you go to court. If the judge is in a bad mood, things may not work out so well for you. I have seen that happen as well.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

A parent does not have the "right" to take a child thousands of miles a way from their other parent. If they want to move, fine. Go. A child has the right to a relationship with both parents. It's not enough to see a parent half of school holidays and that's it.

I don't give a fig whether the law says they have the right. Morally it's wrong and unfair to both the other parent and the child.

Let the slamming begin.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

In Florida you can move up to 50 miles away without approval. So if the school is determined by your ex's residence AND pick up and drop offs are at the school (common set up) then you get to hike up to 50 miles to make that work. If you're not protected from this in your settlement you could be in deep stuff....


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

TBH I wouldn't hire a lawyer, unless you want to pay a lot of money to hear someone tell you to pick your battles. (And if they don't tell you that, they're there for your money).

She's moving CLOSER to you and to a better school district, a good thing for everyone, so what exactly would you want a judge to stop? You want to be involved with the timing of when she moves and be able to participate in helping her pick houses?? You don't get to exert control over your ex's life in terms of getting to determine when or how or where she moves. The sooner you come to acceptance of that, the better. 

Practically speaking, your ex is going to be the de facto primary residence until the kids go to college. That means the kids move with her and not the other way around. Changing that is going to cost a significant amount of money and energy. Save your bullets for when she wants to move 6 hours away or to a different state. You're going to sound like a controlling a$$ if you try to block her from doing something that is in everyone's best interest.



neganagatime said:


> My question is whether I have any legal grounds to stand if I insist on being included in this decision?


 Given your current circumstances, I would say no with a high degree of certainty. She's asking to move CLOSER, and to a better school district, and to improve her job situation.



> Will a mediator or judge agree with me that I get an equal say in determining if she can move, and if so some say in where?


A mediator or judge MIGHT step in to block her if you can prove that it would create an undue burden on the children. There's a general test they follow which a lawyer will tell you more about. It needs to positively benefit the mother in terms of income, she needs to have support in the end location (family, close friends, etc), and it can't create emotional trauma for the kids. Moving an hour or two away is generally not going to be blocked without really good reason. Moving out of state might, depending on a lot of factors. In your case I'd say you have pretty close to 0 chance of affecting the outcome of her move.



> I am ok with moving but it will be difficult for us to time it such that we both are in the same town at the same time. What happens if my house never sells? It would be difficult on me and the kids if we lived in separate towns.


 Don't you live in separate towns now? You said her commute was moving closer to you....



> I sort of feel like she should not be able to move until I have a contract on my house but that might be too much to ask.


 Definitely too much to ask. Really?? Would you want her to be able to prevent you from moving until she has a contract on her house? The goal of the court system is to keep people out of it, not to put themselves in situations where they need to arbitrate your real estate situations on a regular basis.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

While she has the "right" to move, she agreed to limit that right during the time she retains residential custody designation. So, if she wants to move, she places custody into question. Courts don't like to change the status quo for custody. You file a petition with the court that the move is a substantial change in circumstances that warrants a modification of the custody agreement. Custodial parents who move away with the child without providing notice to the other parent may not only face a change in custody to the other parent but also criminal charges of kidnapping. Bottom line is she has to tell you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

CO_Guy, I read it as he currently lives in the same town as her and the kids, but works in the town that she's thinking of moving to. So she would be moving away from his current location. But since already commutes there regularly, in not sure why it's such a big deal... And even less sure that the courts will care.

C


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Pluto2 said:


> While she has the "right" to move, she agreed to limit that right during the time she retains residential custody designation. So, if she wants to move, she places custody into question. Courts don't like to change the status quo for custody. You file a petition with the court that the move is a substantial change in circumstances that warrants a modification of the custody agreement. Custodial parents who move away with the child without providing notice to the other parent may not only face a change in custody to the other parent but also criminal charges of kidnapping. Bottom line is she has to tell you.


Take this advice to a lawyer. $500 later you'll hear how silly it sounds in your situation.

Go to dadsdivorce.com and see the kind of moves that get approved by judges on a regular basis.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

This is from 2006, but it offers tons of information on relocation of custodial parent:

http://apps.americanbar.org/family/military/june06dvl.pdf


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