# Managing Finances in a Marriage



## BookOfJob (Jul 6, 2012)

Folks, I really wish that there are stickies in this forum (like that of in Men's Clubhouse) that can serve as a quick go-to guide (books, posts, etc). Things that have been boiled down to basics in terms of good practices in managing finances fairly in a marriage. Any pointers? Thanks!


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

I recommend Dave Ramsey's book, "Total Money Makeover." He goes into how married couples should communicate and come to agreements on how money should be handled so that there are no money fights. I am one of his counselors and have personally witnessed fighting couples coming together and happily working on their money together.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You both need to talk about money in hard cold terms to make sure you are on the same page. Who's the spender & who's the saver? What are your goals & priorities? Make a budget together. 

Communication is the key. You can't just cram something down somebody else's throat & expect them to be in lock step.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

BookOfJob said:


> Folks, I really wish that there are stickies in this forum (like that of in Men's Clubhouse) that can serve as a quick go-to guide (books, posts, etc). Things that have been boiled down to basics in terms of good practices in managing finances fairly in a marriage. Any pointers? Thanks!


Get out of debt! And stay out of debt! Dont spend all your income. Give some to charity, save some. Build an emergency fund of 6 months expenses. These enforce discipline (which we didnt have when we married)

Finances is what nearly sunk our marriage 5 years in. The stress on both of us was unbelievable, fought about money all of the time. Which bleeds into every other part of the marriage. We were both prone to spending too much and financing what we couldnt afford. Instead of divorcing we cut up the credit cards and closed the accounts. Credit cards will eat your lunch if you dont have the discipline to pay the entire balance every month. The interest will destroy you.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Although I didn't read any of his books, I was having marital money woes before the days of Dave Ramsey. I listened to Mr. Larry Burkett on the radio. Mr. Burkett gave solid truth from the Bible about money. Mr. Ramsey's advice is similar, I'm fortunate that I'm not in surety for any debts, I could pay off everything I owe in 30 seconds of time and still have substantial assets. 

I had to control the money completely in one of my marriages. I had to force the money from my paychecks to go to my own account with my name only. This was, of course, met with considerable opposition by my spendthrift wife. I placed small amounts of "allowance" into our joint account. Actually, I should have reduced this considerably but at the time, I could afford it without using any debt.



D0nnivain said:


> You can't just cram something down somebody else's throat & expect them to be in lock step.


This is, of course, quite true. Negotiate. If you can. I wasn't allowed. My W wanted Carte Blanche.... the only problem is that the 'white card" cannot be given to people who refuse to be responsible with money. I came to the place that I recognized that "cram" is what I had to do. Bottom line, there was a lousy marriage behind door #1, and door #2 had a lousy marriage with bsnkruptcy behind it. Since I was going to endure a lousy marriage, I chose to do it with money and savings instead of penury.

I will stand before God one day and give an answer for why I did that. I believe that God knows that my "cram" assured that my wife had help and good medical care which a broke husband could not have provided her throughout the end of her life.


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## AlwaysImproving (5 mo ago)

I recommend you need a budget methodology.

My situation is kind of unique since I'm a software developer with experience in accounting and finance. I have custom Excel files which use the you need a budget methodology with built-in automation that makes the job pretty quick. I have a custom browser start page which is updated automatically on my wife's laptop which provides a summary month-over-month comparison of all budget categories and also what is hers and my personal balances. She's also familiar with accounting, so we hardly spend any time talking about finances because everything is transparent.

She's thought about having her own account from time to time, but ultimately just gives up on that thought because I make things so convenient for her and there is 100% trust and transparency. I guess you can say I'm hired


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## Dariadonashkina (3 mo ago)

Hmm, this is quite a difficult question because it all depends on yourself and your relationship and attitude to money. My parents had it so that dad earned money for the family and mom earned money for herself, this became one of their main problems. my parents are divorced and I don't want to repeat the mistake. A friend of mine works in navibanker.com and he gave me advice on how to organize the overall budget. You can create a common bank account or a "piggy bank" if you trust cash and put a part of the salary of the two of you there. Well, the amount will grow quickly, and you won't know who put more money, but the money will accumulate.


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## mwise003 (1 mo ago)

Ultimately you need to figure out what works best for your family.
This is mine, it works because neither myself nor my wife are "spenders".
First, we are on each other's accounts.
Her paycheck goes into her account and mine goes into mine.
We divided up the monthly bills based off % of income. Same with savings. So if I bring home twice what she does and our bills are 3k a month, I pay 2k, she pays 1k.
I also put twice what she does into savings.
The rest she does what she wants and I do what I want. However, if there is what we consider a big self-expenditure, we talk about it first.
Anything else gets taken out of savings.... home updates, vacation, furniture etc... and of course this is a coupled decision. If we don't have the money in savings, it doesn't get bought. In other words, we don't take out loans for anything. IF we don't have the cash, we don't go on vacation.

Luckily my wife and I are both savers, we live off our income, well within our means and still manage to save. Always have 6 months worth of bills in the bank account. Any bonus we get goes straight to retirement. Not to mention what's already being held out of our paychecks for 401k's. 

If your in debt, you need to execute your priorities in this order.

1. 3 months' worth of bills in savings
2. Pay off credit card debt, unless you have something else with higher interest.
3. 6 months' worth of bills in savings
4. Pay off Cars
5. Pay off the house (though some would argue if your interest rate is below what you can make in the market, then only make the payment)

If you have an unexpected expenditure, that's what the savings are for. Pay to get your car fixed and then replace the money in savings. If you want to go on vacation, make sure you have your 6 months' worth of bills in savings PLUS the cost of the vacation.


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